# How do you cope.



## Tulipwishes (Nov 20, 2011)

My daughter has been with me for 5 years, she came at 20 months and we are very open with her about her adoption.

For the past year she has been telling me that when she is older she is going to go and live with her birth parents, it's never said in spite or temper and she is always very matter of fact about it.

In return I always smile and say that's nice, but inside it really does hurt, because she has every right to do this when she is older, maybe she will do it, maybe she wont, but how do others cope if their little ones say things like this.


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

I've just been reading a similar thread on the AUK site.

We've not had that happen yet but I'm sure it will.  My guess is that your AD is reaching the age when she is beginning to have a better understanding of what it means to be adopted.  This is scary for a young child, realising that they came from another family.  It brings up the possibility for them that their Mum and Dad weren't always there so could they go again?  She is testing you in order to feel safe, safe in the knowledge that you will always be there for her.  She may sound calm on the outside but I bet she isn't on the inside.  

My suggestion would be to say that it is okay for her to be curious about her birth family.  However you will always be her family, you will always be there for her and that this will always be her home.  

It's not nice for us to be reminded that our children had another life before us but it is even harder for our children to come to terms with.

Good luck.


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## Tulipwishes (Nov 20, 2011)

Thank's Cindy, I was on AUK yesterday, but must have missed that thread.


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