# Thought I Had Moved On



## Catarina1985 (Aug 18, 2014)

I had got through my Brother having his beautiful girl, and revel in the Auntie role, all be it long distance as my Brother lives in Poland.

In 2009 my marriage broke down and I lost contact with my dear stepson who had been in my life weekends/hols for 9 years from the age of 2.

A colleague at work got pregnant and I am her Manager, and although she took every opportunity to tell me how hard things were for her and she went off on mat leave really early, i guess i coped by being practical and in Manager mode - just dealing with the work side of things and being supportive.

I then got together with my wonderful, supportive partner who I am engaged to 

Then in 2012 another colleague had a baby who didnt want children and was in denial.  She was always adamant that she told ber husband she was only having 1.  This became a running joke with her, and I felt so angry towards her as I didnt and still dont feel that she appreciates how lucky she is.  She seems to have traded the baby for an eternity ring and an extension!!  But even she does light up when talking about her little boy.

Then about a year later I returned from holiday to an email from the colleague i manage to say she was pregnant again.  This was blown out the water by a close work friend saying she was expecting twins!  So any relief i felt at the first colleague being out on reception and working less hours has been wiped out by the 2 other colleagues sitting next to me talking baby talk all day!  The one saying how awful it all is and shes so glad shes only having one, and everyone else wanting to talk twins!

I am so happy generally, having worked on the anxiety in my life through CBT up until Jul this year, and getting a mortgage at long last after my post divorce bankruptcy that I feel so conflicted and knocked sideways by this upset when i thought i was okay with how things were.

Sorry to rant!


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Oh Catarina, if it's one thing that you aren't doing it's ranting  

I don't think that it ever goes away, life always goes on for everyone else and we will always have to live surrounded by people who effortlessly conceive whether they want to or not.  It's almost like the way that cats are attracted like magnets to people that don't like them....when people know that you can't have children or are struggling too they almost get verbal diarrhea about their babies  

I seem to have good days, maybe even more than bad and sad days when I feel like the only woman in the world who won't ever have a family.  The week that I maybe don't think about what's missing in my life will be one to celebrate.  From what some lovely ladies told me when I realised that I'll never have a child is that it will always be there, it just gets easier to live with rather than ever going away.  It's not how you expect your life to turn out is it  

It's amazing to hear such wonderful news about your life moving onwards and upwards, I'm so pleased for you.  Just being able to talk about the times and situations that you find hard makes it a little more bearable xx


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