# Feeling really depressed and not sure I should go ahead with treatment.



## Greycat29 (Nov 28, 2011)

We are due to start ICSI soon and we are having to self fund after battling with the PCT.

The trouble is because I have tried to get pregnant for so long (in this relationship and previously) I just can't imagine myself being a Mum. I don't think I have got what it takes. I am very uptight at the moment, I'm struggling to keep on top of my housework it's not filthy but I really need to get rid of a lot of junk and get some decorating done. I just feel like my home isn't good enough for a baby and I could never imagine having one here.

It's really stressing me out and I think that if I don't believe that myself or my home are good enough for a baby it will have a negative effect on the treatment.

Sorry if that all sounds a bit silly but I really need to get it off my chest.


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

Greycat - Posts like yours make me wish I could give a giant hug in person  . 

The emotional roller coaster that is treatment is a very individual and exhausting journey, and at time it can be very easy to loose sight of ourselves and our hope. It is not silly that you feel like this at all, nor however does the fact you're struggling right now in anyway mean you wouldn't be a fantastic parent. We all have fears and concerns especially in the lead up to treatment when so many emotions are in full flow. 
Please don't feel I'm being rude, but my honest suggestion would be to be kinder to yourself, alot of clinics and even gps can also offer free counselling that can help you to process what you're going through and then make the right decisions for you. 

It sounds like you are very low right now, your post speaks alot about you not feeling like you're good enough rather than that you don't want to be a parent maybe if you can get the right support you wouldn't feel like you had to view yourself this way? (if this means you need a little more time it doesn't mean you can't start treatment a little futher down the line)

As someone who's suffered depression previously (please don't be offended or feel I'm diagnosing you I am doing neither)  I know at my lowest points I've been convinced I'd be a terrible mother/was a terrible friend and wife and considered myself useless in every respect, but I know now (after lots of support when I needed it) that feeling was exhaustion, stress and fear rather than based in fact. I will be a great mum! even with a sink full of pots and pans  

I genuinely hope that the days ahead get lighter for you, and the support you need to find your mojo is just around the corner

XXX


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## Greycat29 (Nov 28, 2011)

Thanks so much for your reply.
I have suffered depression and although I don't feel as bad as I have in the past the stress of all this is taking it's toll. I think you're right and I will mention how I'm feeling to my GP.


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## sabah m (Jul 11, 2008)

sweetheart I want you a big hug too      It sounds like last minute nerves to me.  I guess its self preservation, like its easier to live in hope than be in tx where that could end with a negative result.  Looks like you have done a lot of preparation, reducing your BMI like you have is amazing, much more important that a nice and tidy house!!  Leave the cleaning for when you are nesting in 9 months time, go for it sweety xxxxxxx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

Hey Greycat - Have been thinking about you today, hope you're ok xx


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## Greycat29 (Nov 28, 2011)

Thanks Bubble that's really sweet of you. 
I'm ok, have been trying to keep busy and sort out the issue that were worrying me, hopefully once I'm a bit more sorted I'll feel better.
We have our group meeting next thursday and then our nurse appointment to get started shortly after.

Hope all is ok with you.


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

All's ok here, very nervous now our appointment is two weeks away    but the fab ladies here help  

Wow not long for you either! 

Please feel free to stay in touch 

Wishing you everyhappiness this year hun XXX


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