# how to meet new baby after 2 losses



## eviegary (May 1, 2014)

Back again finding it quite hard.... now i know your supposed to be happy when friends/family have new babies but my sister-in-law has just had a baby last night iv tried so hard to be happy for her but i had both my losses while she has been pregnant with this child and have been a bit bitter with her since and now she has had him she is going to want me to meet him and i just dont think i can do it he will be the first new baby iv been near since i lost both my tubes and I'm dreading it! Any ideas on how to make it easier on myself i think she wants me to meet him when she comes home


----------



## Redgirl (May 16, 2007)

Hi eviegary- it is hard as my sister had a baby girl in 2013 after our 3rd IVF fail.  She is now expecting a second child.  Got pg easily and there doesn't seem to be any problems thank goodness.

When she had her first child I did say to my family that I would meet the new baby when I felt ready.  But when she arrived they kind of forgot and were all excited about us going up to the hospital.  So I was a bit pressured and went along.  To be honest it wasn't as bad as I thought - in fact I felt nothing but love for the baby.  I went in the end with my other sister and my husband - so there were not that many people around (I think you can't have too many people visiting at once anyway). 

Why don't you go and visit the new baby when your sis-in-law gets home on your own or with your partner - so there is just the few of you and not lots of family about?  It doesn't need to be a long visit either.  You are of course perfectly entitled to also say you are not ready.  I didn't think I was ready to be honest, but in hindsight I was glad I got the first meet over with.  I also kept it in my mind that my sisters situation and life is not the same as mine and so kind of kept my fertility issues at a bit of a distance from the situation. 

It is hard but all I can say is that I looked at the new baby as a lovely little thing and focused on this new little person who isn't to blame for my situatation and had an aunty who loved her.  I'm not suggesting you would blame the new baby by the way - not at all - but separating the new baby out from my situation helped me cope.

Red
x


----------



## Ames xxx (Nov 24, 2014)

Hi eviegary, 

I have today just met my great nephew today he is 3 days old. I too was dreading it as wasn't sure how I was going to react but as Red said I am glad I done it. I had a cuddle and he is gorgeous and I didn't feel sad in anyway just in ore at this beautiful baby boy.

I understand  however that our situation is different as my first ivf resulted in BFN where u have experienced losses but it may not be as bad as what you think it will be.

Wishing u lots of luck for the future xxx


----------



## littleeveningstar (Jan 17, 2015)

Three things to remember:
1: love is not a finite resource, and while you are totally understandably in a very sad place, and may feel that you have nothing to give right now, you may be surprised at how strong you can be and how easily you will be able to give that innocent child your love. Also, a cuddle with your new nephew may be a little bit of healing for you (I can't think how better to put it without sounding a bit odd!). 
2:If you postpone meeting the 'first baby', you may build it up in your mind and make it a much more insurmountable thing. Be in charge of the situation and make it on your own terms; like Redgirl says, go when things are quiet and you don't have to stay long. It will mean so much to the new parents and will help build on your relationship with your brother and sister in law, more than you may think. 
3.Think of meeting this child as the chance to build new positive memories for yourself. Instead of only having negative memories of the past year, you can add some positive firsts to your memory bank that will be a joy to think of. 

Grieving is never easy, but oh my gosh it's so much harder if you don't allow yourself to experience potential moments of joy and beauty, and don't let your fears take over. Good luck


----------

