# Can anyone adopt?



## spmccormack (Aug 25, 2004)

I know this may seem like I'm being really really impatient, but can people go down the adoption route even though they haven't tried every solution possible?  I have not yet started treatment, am awaiting a Laparscopy in December for overian drilling, which they tell me lasts for 3yrs.  I'm 29 and my dh is 32.

Would we be accepted for adoption even if we haven't gone down every route possible to try and have our own?

I don't think I'd be strong enough to continue treatment for years but feel I'd be strong enough to accept not having my own, does this make sense to anyone?  I sound like I've given up before I've started don't I....  

Sarah


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## Nicky Duncan-Finn (Jan 26, 2004)

Hi sarah

Welcome to the site. Unfortunately I can't answer your question from the social services perspective as we did go through and failed icsi and et before formally enetering adoption route, although we did request all of the info before starting.  would suggest that you give your local ss a call and just see what they have to say.  If you truel can cope with being a mummy to some of the children out there that desperately need loving homes then good on you.  I personally found treatment a real drain and am no so delighted to have taken the positive decision to move forward with adoption. 

Good Luck and Let us know how you get on , whichever way you decide to go.  I'm sure some of the more knowledgeable girls on the tread might be able to provide you with better info.

Take Care Nicky XX


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Sarah

You do not have to proove that you have tried everything possible to have your own children to get on the adoption journey.  Some people decide to adopt before they even get on the IF TX rollercoaster.  What you need to be clear about is why you have decicded to go for adoption.  

In our case it was clear cut, tx would not have worked and I didn't want to go down the donor sperm route.  We said our child should be both of ours or neither and so that's why we are here.

There are lots of criteria you have to meet and pass assessment on and it is a fairly lengthy process.  If you do have treatment though your local authority will require you to have cooling off period before embarking on the adoption journey.  This can range from 6 months to 1 year depending upon the views of your social services department.

I am sure as Nicola says that if you contact your Local Authority they can talk you through things and give you some more information on which to make a decision TX or Adoption?

Good luck  

Karen x


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Sarah

We actually started adoption procedures 5 years ago after having failed IUI.  At that time we didn't feel that we wanted to go onto IVF.  The SW that we saw had no problems with our application as such, she just wanted to be sure that we were completely happy in our own minds that we were finished with fertility tx and that we had "grieved" fully over our failure to have our own children.  She said that we had to be settled in our own lives with no problems before we could consider taking on a new family.  Adoption is not easy and sometimes the process can be as hard as doing IVF.

In our case we realised we weren't happy with where we were living and our jobs so we decided to stop the adoption process and move.  We went on to do IVF because we realised that if we hadn't taken our fertility tx as far as it could go we would always wonder "What if?".  We always intended to go back to adoption if it didn't work, which unfortunately it didn't.

As long as you are convinced that you have gone as far as you want to with fertility tx I can see no reason why the Social Services would not consider you.  As Karen says they may require you to have a cooling off period, or they may not.  Both  Social Services that I've dealt with didn't require me to have a cooling off period, although both did want me to take contraception to demonstrate my commitment to the adopted children by not complicating things with a pregnancy.

It's not an easy decision to make but I know what you mean about feeling strong enough to take on children not your own.  ICSI actually worked for me but I lost my baby, we had FET after that that didn't work.  A tiny part of me was thinking if it worked before it could work again but I'm not strong enough to carry on chasing that small possibility.  I'd rather just draw a line across it and start with something more definite.  We just want to have a family, if it can't be our children we're more than happy to have somebody else's.

As Karen has said, contact your Local Authority and get some more information.  I don't know anything about ovarian drilling but I'm sure there are people on the site who do, I suggest you also try to get as much info about the chances of conceiving with your tx as you can so that you can weigh up the decision properly.

Good luck.

Cindy


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