# Need to rant



## sarajay (Nov 2, 2016)

Hi, sorry for this but I needed to do something before I scream at the world.  So tonight I went to fireworks at my brothers with my family and all my nieces and nephews and as the fireworks start my 2 youngest nieces get scared and who is expected to take them in and sit with them whilst they cried and screamed for their mummies me, now don't get me wrong I love them to prices but when I had been not 10 minutes earlier having a discussion about how hard I'm finding everything at the moment, right now all I want to do is scream and my husband hasn't got a clue why I'm upset even though I just told him all he could say was "well I never asked you to do it" he didn't even bloody notice I'd gone in with them ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh as I can't do that out loud without my neighbor calling the police.  Am I being unreasonable because I'm getting to the point where I feel I can't go to family events as I'm getting to upset about it and just end up at home by 9pm crying it happened last week at my uncles 50th when my cousin turned up with his new son which I had put off seeing then I get him thrust at me as soon as they arrived I've never felt so alone


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## pontsian (Apr 5, 2015)

Hi Sarajay, 

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. It sounds totally insensitive of your family and your husband to put you in that position. Do they all know you are TTC? The problem I find is that people who are not in our situations can never truly understand the heart breaking reality of it and how sometimes we just need to step away from everything and hide until we ready to venture out again. I too have been in similar situations you describe, in fact for the first time in years i am avoiding going home as so many of my cousins have recently had babies and i know I just couldn't cope. Just take care of yourself, sometimes we need to be selfish and put our own health and well being first


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## sarajay (Nov 2, 2016)

Hi pontsian, yes they all know we are ttc and have the last 3 years I'm not making excuses because I agree it was completely inconsiderate of them. Now I've calmed down they just don't understand how difficult it is wanting something that you will probably never get as they have never had to deal with that type of loss and don't understand that we are greiving for something that we have lost even though we have never actually had it if that makes sense but they don't see it doesn't make that loss any less hard for me and my husband.  It annoys me that people with children think they understand what I'm going through like most in our situation we are mothers without children and that's the hardest part for me. Thank you for your supportive words and I totally get where your coming from sometimes being selfish is the best option even if others disagree because they have never been where we are


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## kittykat76 (Jan 17, 2016)

They sound so inconsiderate!! People who haven't been through it sadly have no clue how painful it can be. One of my friends asked me if I was feeling better 2 days after my 7th miscarriage-like it was the flu I was recovering from! She conceived both of hers quickly and has never had issues so just can't grasp it. She even suggested that at least I get to have lie in's at the wkend and she would love that....... I just distance myself from people for a while and now I have even started pointing out when they are insensitive and to be fair the majority of them are mortified and do watch what they say from then on. If they can't understand then I just don't mix with them,sometimes you just have to be selfish and put yourself 1st just for self preservation


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Oh sarajay

So sorry that you're struggling with your family. I agree with pontsian unless you've been through it you have no idea how hard it could be. Basically all of my friends and family have children and most just didn't even have to try. 

I do struggle to understand why your nieces mother couldn't sit with them if they were upset. Not really fair to put it on you. 

Omg kittykat if one more person says about having a bloody like in! Like that makes it ok that we don't have children??!

Sorry for the pain and hopefully you have some better days.


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## sarajay (Nov 2, 2016)

I'm so glad I found this  group I really didn't know where to turn when this all started for me and my husband it's so nice finding people that completely understand with comments like above its nice to voice these feeling without people with kids getting uncomfortable and I now realise if they do that's there problem I don't tell them I'm uncomfortable having their kids thurst upon me like they do.  I also don't tell them they wouldn't understand because they can have  and have got kids as that's a standard response to most things "you don't understand you don't have children". It's nice to know I'm not mental to feel the way I do so thank you for your comments


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Agree thank God for FF it's the one place you know we're all on the same page.


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## braxma14 (May 25, 2011)

kittykat76 said:


> They sound so inconsiderate!! People who haven't been through it sadly have no clue how painful it can be. One of my friends asked me if I was feeling better 2 days after my 7th miscarriage-like it was the flu I was recovering from! She conceived both of hers quickly and has never had issues so just can't grasp it. She even suggested that at least I get to have lie in's at the wkend and she would love that....... I just distance myself from people for a while and now I have even started pointing out when they are insensitive and to be fair the majority of them are mortified and do watch what they say from then on. If they can't understand then I just don't mix with them,sometimes you just have to be selfish and put yourself 1st just for self preservation


kittykat76, While reading your profile it seems to me that you have HCG antibodies... PM me if you want to chat... your case seems so similar to mine... like nothing helps to keep the pregnancy...


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## kittykat76 (Jan 17, 2016)

Braxma14 -Ooh HCG antibodies?? Never even heard of that! I will pm you in a bit. Are you rhesus neg by any chance?? Thank you   

Jengles - It's just so rude when people make those comments isn't it?! I have become quite bolshy in reply. 

Sarajay - This site is fab,it makes you feel less alone and realise that there are plenty of others going through similar situation. Apart from support I have also learnt so much from others journeys,the info is invaluable. I really feel the consultants don't want you knowing too much so deliberately talk down to us.

Big hugs to you all


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## kittykat76 (Jan 17, 2016)

Braxma - Tried to pm you but it says mesg was blocked


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Yeah kitty the rudeness seems to reach new heights. I just had an aunt say to me last week 'no children yet" basically before she said hello. I haven't seen her in years she knows nothing about me, why do people feel the need?? I have become more than abrupt.


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## braxma14 (May 25, 2011)

kittykat76 said:


> Braxma14 -Ooh HCG antibodies?? Never even heard of that! I will pm you in a bit. Are you rhesus neg by any chance?? Thank you


It has nothing to do with rhesis... it is an antibody in the blood. like an allergy to HCG hormone. Basically until you get rid of the antibodies, your body will attack the hcg hormone and attack the baby.


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