# Trying again after miscarriage. What questions should we be asking?



## Diva las vegas (Sep 11, 2013)

Help please we are about to try again and wondered what questions we should ask at the consultation 
We lost our baby last year, after 6.5 weeks after our 1st attempt with ICSI
Once again self funding and hoping this will work as no strength or money left to go again and I'm nearly 45 
Any suggestions welcomed
Thank you


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## KiKi03 (Jun 9, 2014)

Hi there Diva

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.  Fair play to you for trying again.

I don't know if I can be of help as my experience is different to yours and I haven't started trying ICSI or IVF yet.  However, I have had three miscarriages and one chemical pregnancy so if you're looking for more information about miscarriages in general or tests that may help identify them, just pm me.

All the best

C


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

have you had any immunes testing done? we had it (it's expensive though) and as a result they put me on high strength folic acid and clexane. I think these things made a difference to my treatment outcome. If you haven't had any testing it is something to ask about. 

If they say no to testing (either they don't do it or don't believe in it or whatever) ask about being put on things anyway - some places work on the basis of 'if we tested all we'd do is this so we'll just skip the tests and do the thing since it won't harm' so you might for example take aspirin or extra folic acid on that type of basis. Not all clinics would take that approach but again worth asking. 

the straightforward first question to ask them is 'what will/would you change?' but they may well say 'nothing, it's just a numbers game'.  This won't reassure you but i'm just warning you it's quite likely they will say that. While a m/c is heartbreaking and life-changing for a couple, for a clinic it is sadly 'just one of those things'. 

something else to bear in mind though, is that sometimes there is a benefit to some things not changing. On my first two cycles i had an ovitrelle trigger because the pregnyl one they wanted to give me wasn't available. On the last go, the pregnyl was available but i refused it and made them get me an ovitrelle one! That's because i knew it had worked in terms of getting me pregnant (even though i had m/ced) and didn't want to jinx things by changing it. So it is all about what you are comfortable with. Whatever happens you have to live with the outcome so try and get enough information to understand the decisions that need making. 

really sorry you miscarried i get how dreadful it is... take heart that next time can be different. check out the pregnant or parenting after loss threads... i'm 44 with a 3 month old baby from the ICSI cycle after the one i miscarried..it was completely terrifying. try not to think about age or whatever and just focus on health and sleep and the outcome you want. good luck.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

oh and before you go in be clear with your partner about the whole donor scenario because they are likely to raise the issue - is it something you want to talk about, or do you want it not discussed? it's better to have had a chat about it before you're put on the spot because it is tough to try and talk about it in front of the clinic, and bad if one of you wants more information and the other doesn't. so i reckon decide beforehand and then get in first either tell they it's own eggs or bust, or tell them you want more information first.  x


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## SamJ (Mar 25, 2008)

As you can see from my profile, have had numerous mcs after treatment, and again like you they were all self funded. 

This was a combination, of own egg, donor egg and 3 natural pg's. All between ages 40 and  45 , with our losses being between 5 and 7 weeks.  Think the first question is, how good was the resultant embryo (presuming you didn't have any to freeze)and I am presuming if your saving to go ahead with another try this will be a fresh transfer for you.  I should have stopped treatment after miscarriage no 3, but couldn't and wouldn't give up!  I was ready to go for treatment after the 6th miscarriage,  but after  discussions hubby said he could no longer cope with it.  The clinic would let you go on and on, promising this that and the other, or if you are like me I just knew he next one would work. We did it all, steroids,  clexane, intralipid drips, but nothing worked, Chicago tests, all costing hefty sums of money. Looking back I should have stopped sooner, and financially it costed us around £25k -£30k. You can only do what's right for you as a couple, but I would try to put into a place, a plan. Either this is going to be your last go, or moving on from that consider your alternatives. have you thought about donor eggs? I had three Ivfs with own eggs, which I was pg once with, but then lost at 7weeks, Mmc at 9 week scan, so moved onto donor eggs and, out of four cycles, got pg 3 times, but then mc All pregnancies. It wasn't the fact that the donor egg didn't work as it was my body not able to hold on to a pg.  the clinic said it was slight immune issues.  Never been convinced it was, as none of the ivf meds actually helped. Just think carefully over your next step, with hindsight I should have stopped slightly earlier than I did!  We went down the surrogacy route in the end and our surrogate is now 14 weeks pregnant.  Good luck with the next cycle, fx , it will be your last one if you get your bfp!


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## Jelliebabe (Jan 14, 2011)

Hi Divas sorry for your loss.  There is a really nice board just below this one pregnancy loss,  stillbirth and neonatal loss.  There is masses of information. on there and heaps of support.  Good luck for your next treatment.


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## Diva las vegas (Sep 11, 2013)

Thank you all for sharing your feelings

I really do appreciate it knowing there are people who truly know what I'm going through

Thank you for the ideas of what to consider and maybe ask

I have been looking at the pregnancy loss board and once again have been amazed at the support and strength reading others stories have given me

Good luck to each and everyone of you
G xxxx


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## mfmcmoo (Jul 16, 2010)

Hi Divas
I had thyroid and immunes issues - picked up by tests done. Also - could be quality of eggs - have you tried supplements (see my signature) to get your eggs and general state of your body into best shape possible. I also took baby aspirin in the lead up and was on clexane (blood thinner) through out.
Good luck
x


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