# Meeting birth grandmother ....



## roonie (Oct 20, 2010)

Hi all, well things with us are good my ds is ding so well as I have recently stopped working and cut back on his hours at nursery, he just does 15 rather than the five full days and he is so much happier, I realise the time will come when he has to go to school but that is two years away and I feel if I can get him to feel fully secure now then it will bear fruit in the long term...his behaviour is delightful and not in that suspicious, manipulative controllingway more just a settled dude who is enjoying life right now, don't get me wrong the are tantrums but the seem less distressed and more about not being allowed a sweet but he is getting over hem quickly and not rejecting me.  Now the reason I am posting mainly is our ds has been home 19 months, adoption order done and no issue with contesting etc, however during intros we never got the change to meet BM or the grandmother who was exceptionally involved,  they said they would and then went on the missing list.  My lbs social worker called the other day and explained she has finally spoken to birth grandmother regarding the contact letter contract as BM refuses to talk to ss and she has said she would noe like to  go ahead and meet us, just grandmother still uncertain about BM ....I don't know what to think, it seems odd so late in the day, they clearly just blocked it all out when it was happening, but I cannot help but wonder why now....I don't know if anyone has similar experiences of this so late after AO or if anyone can explain how it really made them feel doing a meeting....textbook is do it, it's good we can tell our son we did, but there is something that feels too late and a little uncomfortable too.... Suggestions?!?!?! X


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I  met BM but during intros. I  think  you have to do what  feels rit for you regards BG. I  am  glad  we met BM but are a similar  amount  of  time  in and think I'd  find it quite  bizarre now. If you  want to do it go ahead but feel no obligation  her going  off radar is  not your responsibility  but I  think  sws have a way of making  us feel it's  not fair to not say how high when bf say jump. Good luck  it's  not an easy  decision xxx


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Personally, I think it's better to do this later (though perhaps not as late as this!) as you have a chance to ask questions based on a child you know, rather than a relative stranger.  We met birth relatives about five months in, I think?  Maybe later?  It was a positive experience, but make sure you check how it's going to be facilitated and how your SW will support you. 

Good luck!


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

I met our daughters BM 16 months after placement, she wasn't able to deal with it before then, I found it a positive experience and am so glad that I did it.


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