# Want surprise pregnancy for DP,am i stupid?



## Magic3s (Oct 5, 2009)

Hi,

I could not think about anything else for the last few days and i can't tell it to anyone so i tell it to everyone!
I don't know if anyone ever have felt that way,but i dream a lot about surprising DP with my pregnancy news.I have got lots of different ideas of how to break the good news, but as we are not heterosexuals the chances for a surprise pregnancy are equall with zero. OR maybe not!
I was going to have laporoscopy in hungary followe by treatment next year,but it looks like i might not need the surgery after all,but still got appointment and also got flight and everything booked.DP can't come with me cause of work,so i have been thinking about transfering appointment into IUI. I could start taking the pill and have my next AF just before i have to fly and also could get prescription for clomid. I can choose the donor as we have agreed what we would like.And the best thing is if i would get pregnant i would know it before christmas!!I know it sound s abit cheesy but i just want to surprise her! Of course i know if it would not work it would be devastating but i can always tell what happened and we can support eachother-like before. 
I find it hard not to go ahead with my plan also because i know how stressed DP was during previous 2cycles and it feels that this way i can save her from some of the stress.
Does it make sense?What do u think?Is it a very naive idea?
Any replies welcome,just be honest please!Also non-bio mums how would u feel if ur partner would surprise u this way?(it is not as i would push her into it without her consent becauae we both want a baby so much,is just a not-so-conventional-lesbian-family-making)
Bimbo


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## MandMtb (Mar 6, 2009)

Hi Bimbo,

I personally wouldnt do this, as I think my DW would be really upset if she hadnt been part of the process, and in fact I just asked her how she would feel if I did this and she said she thinks it wouldnt be fair on her. My DW has been a part of our process througout, unfortunatley she couldnt be there at our last insemination, but she was still part of the whole process, injecting me, supporting me etc and that is important to us, that it is our baby, not just mine. Also I had test on our 2ww early the other day secretly, thinking it would be nice to surprise her with a BFP result, it was a BFN, so I wasnt going to say anything but I felt guilty and couldnt keep it from her, she was upset that it was a BFN but also said she wanted to be a part of all the tests we do, so I have promised not to be naughty again  

I know straight women can fall pregnant and then surprise their DH or DP, but at least the DH/DP was actually 'there' when the baby was made, so knew the consquences. I think it is a lovely idea that you want to be able to surprise your DW and relieve her stress from another cycle, but you have to think about how she may react to being lied to (even though I know you have her best interest at heart), and how this may impact on your relationship and indeed her bonding with the child if its a BFP,  also how are you going to cope with the process alone? A 2ww is a very crazy time at the most, add on not telling your DW   

I hope I have not offended you, I just thought I would add some feedback as you asked   

I'm sorry you've had no luck to date with the IUI, and wish you success in the future.

S x


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## Pinktink (Dec 17, 2008)

Hi,

Have to say I agree with MandMtb on this one. I couldn't imagine going through any of the TTC process without my partner, and I wouldn't want to. It's also a massive thing to keep secret from your partner and could be quite stressful, and you definatly won't need any added stess during it all.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do xxx


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## summer_rain (Apr 21, 2009)

From the perspective of a non-bio-mum-to-be I would be devastated to be left out of the whole ttc process.  

I can see how you are trying to spare your partner the stress and worry but if I was in that situation I would be incredibly hurt not to be involved from day 1.

I hope whichever way you decide to proceed it all works out for you.
x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I would also be reluctant to do your plan, but it is up to you.  You could have a conversation with her saying as she finds it v stressful would she prefer if you didn't tell her then you would have her views and agreement taken into account.  Like the girls have said she will have been excluded from the whole process  and this may have bonding issues later, also you would have to go through it without her support.

L x


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## Miranda7 (Feb 12, 2007)

Hi Bim!

While it's a noble thought, you have to put yourself in her shoes and realise she will have real problems coming to terms with not being involved in making this baby.

Some things one has to be involved in, whatever the stress. To take it to an extreme, would you let one of her parents go through a terrible illness and tell her only when they've recovered? I think it's like that - you would always want to be there beside your loved one, supporting them in times of high emotion.

xxxx


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## Magic3s (Oct 5, 2009)

Thanks for everyone's reply.I think I knew deep down that the right thing is to tell and was only playing with the idea... 
Anyway, we talked with DP and I told her my plan also showed her the posts  She said it was a sweet idea and just shows how romantic i am and also how much i love her  BUT she is much happier that she knows about it and said she would have felt very bad if i would have gone through 2ww without her, because she wants to look after us( me and maybe baby) from the start.
I can't tell you how much better I fell now that i confessed my tiny secret- i am not very good with lies anyway or with secrets and our relationship's strength is in honesty so i really don't know what got into me.  I just want her to be happy and hate to see her falling apart after BFN, but as Miranda wrote there are things that we have to be involved no matter what.

Anyway just wanted to thank you all for the great answers and wish you all lots of babydust and happiness!

xx Bimbo


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