# Surrogacy



## Freddie

Hi there,

After m/c's and failed IVFs, DH and I were thinking of going the surrogate route. Having done my research I have found that it can take anything up to 2 years to find a suitable surrogate. It is illegal to advertise in this country so your only real option is to go with one of the 2 surrogcy "agencies" in the UK and pay them additional fees (- as if the whole cost isn't daunting enough!). Although they are very helpful and do provide additional support if you so require, you pay for it either way, there is no choice, and there is still _no guarantee_ of them finding you a surrogate. 
With no advertising, surrogacy is fairly unknown by the general public which results in there being a real shortage of surrogates, while in the US it is well known and there is really no shortage - it certainly does not take 2 years to find one!

Most other countries where surrogacy is legal (as it is in the UK), advertising for a surrogate or Intended Parents is also legal. And if it's legal to advertise for an egg/sperm donor over here, why on earth is it not legal to advertise for a surrogate?!

Any comments more than welcome and thanx for voting!


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## Fee

what is an IP?


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## No1 rainbow princess

i was gonna ask the same thing! what is a ip? i presum from the post its a intended parent?if so what does this mean? then i can vote!


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## mancgal_644

i have voted that it should be legal for both as long as there happy to do so then where is the problem it could make things alot faster for ppl


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## Freddie

Sorry guys,

Yes IP = Intended parent, i.e. the couple who can't have a baby by themselves and need a surrogate. 

Thanx for voting!
F x


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## ~Twinkle~

Hello Freddie,

I have voted to both, good on you doing something about it.

Good luck
Take care
Spiritx


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## alex28

I too have voted.  Currently doing IUI using donor sperm.


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## Anthony Reid

Freddie said:


> Hi there,
> 
> After m/c's and failed IVFs, DH and I were thinking of going the surrogate route. Having done my research I have found that it can take anything up to 2 years to find a suitable surrogate. It is illegal to advertise in this country so your only real option is to go with one of the 2 surrogcy "agencies" in the UK and pay them additional fees (- as if the whole cost isn't daunting enough!). Although they are very helpful and do provide additional support if you so require, you pay for it either way, there is no choice, and there is still _no guarantee_ of them finding you a surrogate.
> With no advertising, surrogacy is fairly unknown by the general public which results in there being a real shortage of surrogates, while in the US it is well known and there is really no shortage - it certainly does not take 2 years to find one!
> 
> Most other countries where surrogacy is legal (as it is in the UK), advertising for a surrogate or Intended Parents is also legal. And if it's legal to advertise for an egg/sperm donor over here, why on earth is it not legal to advertise for a surrogate?!
> 
> Any comments more than welcome and thanx for voting!


Draft me a wording on this and I'll splash it on the home page 

Tony,
x

[email protected]


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## cherryb

hi there 

I think that the law is absolutely stupid and good on you for taking this to your MP... would be willing to lend support in anyway that I can.

Cherryb


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## Sushi

Hi Freddie,

I've voted too, in favour of both being able to advertise. But obviously there would have to be some safeguards as the IP's are in a vulnerable position. I'm sure even with advertising the involvement of an agency as an independant 3rd party would be useful. 

I'm still confident that I will be able to produce my own baby   but if I had to look at other options sometime in the future I would rather go for surrogacy rather than adoption. 

Sushi xxx


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## rosy

Hi Freddie, I've only looked into surrogacy briefly as it seems to be yet another expensive, time consuming and not even guaranteed option - I just haven't got the energy to take it on board.

So I was even more impressed by your posting - good luck with the lobbying and please let me know if you need support.

Rosy


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## Freddie

Just wanted to say thanks Rosie I'll keep you in mind, and a big thanks also to everyone that's voted.

I did notice tho that we've had close to 300 hits, but only 83 votes. I know for a FF pol that's pretty good, but in order for the powers that be to take us seriously, WE NEED MORE!  
So please tell everyone you know to vote   - even if you're not directly involved with surrogacy, you have an opinion! 

Thanx stax
F x


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## Dydie

I have voted Yes for both, but would still like to know that it would be regulated in some fashion and that each person involved would still be offered counselling, I just worry about the many young women in places like the USA who basically sell themselves because they need the money, and of course the IP's who end up without a child because the BM refuses to give it up, 
Dydie


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## mrs cloudy

Hi Freddy

I voted yes yes.  I think it is a complete double standard to allow surrogacy but not advertising?  I think that the message that gives, is that there is something seedy about the whole thing.  I think it is something to do with the mainly men who make the laws being offended by women choosing what to do with their bodies.  I do however agree that there needs to be regulation to avoid the horrible situations that you sometimes hear about from the USA.  

ps i hope your h is now a d not still a w and that you made upwith lots of    

Good lusk


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## EJJB

Hi,
I have voted yes to both being able to advertise.
We are currently looking for a straight surrogate, and have been for nearly two years.
We originally joined both SUK and COTS, but were forced to leave COTS, after we had a disagreement with them.
SUk have been great and really supportive, but they do not guarrantee to find you a surrogate.
If there were more surrogates, we would stand a better chance, but there is no way I would want it to move towards the American way, where surrogates can and do charge a fortune, and also are treated like commodities.
SUK believes in a friendship first way of working, which means that good relationships help to ensure no one gets hurt.
EJJB
   x


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## TummyMummy

Hi,

I thought I would add a point of view from 'the other side of the coin' as I am a surrogate.? I am currently 20 weeks pregnant carrying for my friends S & G who I met through COTS a year ago.

I believe that there are laws that need to be changed surrounding surrogacy to protect the parents and the surro alike - for example, allowing baby's mum to be put straight onto the birth cert, at the moment I have to go on as the birth mother and after 6 months we go through a Parental Order to have it changed.? I would like to see any written contracts made between the parties prior to the arrangement made legally binding as well.

BUT I really would not want to see advertising (either way) become legal.? At the moment it is very controlled through support groups such as COTS and ensures that all Intended Parents and surros go through councilling and mediation and a full written agreement covering every aspect of the process along with support from professional councellors and helpliners all the way through the pregnancy, birth and afterwards.? The only reason I can think of for a surrogate to want to advertise and do this independantly from a support group is if she has something to hide or wants to do this for money.? We would end up going the American way with unsuitable women thinking they could go through this for wrong reasons - which could only lead to heartbreak.


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## Freddie

Hi Tummy Mummy,

Firstly I would like to say thanks for your comments and how wonderful of you to be giving the most precious gift in the world. I really respect and applaud you!

I'd just like to reply to a couple of your points; 
You say that COTS and SUK ensure that all Intended Parents and surros go through councilling etc. This may be so, but the IPs have to pay for this (for them and the surrogates) whether they want to or not, and nonetheless, there are _still_ mishaps. There may be contracts too, but at the end of the day, they are still not legally binding. I know of these contracts being broken by both sides, and I also know of many who decide to go independant with absolutely no problems at all. (And with all due respect, all the councelling etc that you obviously received, still did not entirely help your situation with your parents...)

SUK and COTS are not government bodies, nor are they governed by any higher authority, so basicly can do and charge whatever they like. So the reason many surrogates and IPs are independant is that they don't agree with the way these organisations are run whereby the IPs can be paying for services they don't necessarily require, _for years on end,_ and still end up with no surrogate match even, never mind a baby. That doesn't make the independant IPs or surrogates bad, or money grabbing (quite the reverse!) or having something to hide.

Ideally, if advertising was legal, there'd be more surrogates, making this an issue large enough for the government to make some more practical laws about, such as legally binding contracts, (whether within an organisation or independantly) or enabling surros to charge what they like. And this would hopefully prevent unsuitable surrogates and the heartache you mentioned.

But the bottom line is the desperate need for more surrogates. Without advertising, this will never happen.

I wish you the very best with your pregnancy and hope everything works out well.

Best of luck,
F x


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