# Newbie saying hello and looking for advice



## twinklets (Jan 31, 2012)

I am currently 27, single and considering IUI. I have already posted on the welcome page but have been directed here so hopefully someone will be able to help or have been through or are going through something similar! 

To give a brief history back in 2008 Mr Right hadn't come along and so I decided I would take matters into my own hands as I really wanted to become a mum. Its something I've always wanted and after a discussion one night with a gay friend I decided I would go it alone! He offered to donate his sperm and after 2 unsuccessful attempts at AI he lost interest and I haven't seen or heard from him since! I was devastated as I was so close to achieving my dream but it was snatched away from me and I still don't know what happened to him. I put it behind me and tried to move on with my life. In late 2010 I met some who I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with, we both wanted kids so that was sorted or so I thought! He was at uni so we couldn't start trying until he had graduated which was 2 years away. As time went on we got engaged and made plans for the future but then cracks began to appear and I realised it wasn't him I wanted I was just with him because I wanted a baby so we split up about a month ago. At first I was upset because I thought I'd lost my chance at becoming a mum again but a week ago I decided to look into sperm donation and came across IUI. I know it might sound like I'm rushing into this and I'm still young enough to meet someone else and start a family but I just feel I am going through the motions and there is something missing! I mentioned it to one of my friends and she thinks its a bad idea as she knows how hurt and upset I was after the AI failed and she thinks I'm still young enough to meet someone and settle down. This hurt me because I thought she'd be more supportive I know its not the ideal situation to be in but I really want to be a mum its all I've ever wanted and if I have the chance to do something about it why shouldn't I! I could easy go out and have a one night stand but at least by doing IUI my child would be able to trace the donor later in life if they wanted. I know its selfish of me to choose not to give my child a dad but I have a loving family around to support me and help out so the child won't be missing out on anything. I emailed a clinic to get some info but wondered if anyone has been through the procedure before could tell me what it involves like how many appointments and what happens and a rough idea of costs involved? I'm worried about getting time off work because I have read you have to go to a number of appointments before the actual IUI is done and it will be awkward to get make up excuses to get time off work because I won't be telling anyone! I am scared about going through this on my own but I think the end result is worth it if I hopefully get a baby! Now that my friend doesn't approve I'd really appreciate any advice or info anyone has for me or maybe you also think I'm doing the wrong thing? I've got a rough idea of what it would cost and can only really afford a couple of shots si I'm scared it doesn't work and I can't afford any more treatment because I'd be devastated. If I had an endless supply of money I wouldn't hesitate because I'd do anything to have a baby I just have doubts that if I start treatment and it doesn't work could I cope losing my third chance at becoming a mum or maybe its third time lucky!

Hope to hear from some of you 

T x


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Hi Twinklets,

Welcome to the singles boards.  Lots of info here and costs for IUI vary depending where you are in the country.  Where are you and maybe someone can recommend a clinic?  

I imagine people can always find reasons not to go ahead whatever the age.  I'm still getting told to try to meet someone and I am quite a bit older.  It's not really about everyone else, it's about when you're ready.  

You've mentioned you have a loving and supportive family, what about financial stuff in place?  

I think everyone usually takes holidays for appointments so work can't really say too much about that.  Just maybe use a morning here or an afternoon there.

Do you feel like you have recovered from the recent break-up?  It sounds like I'm getting you ready for endurance training!    I haven't got everything in place that I would like, I'm not sure I ever will at this rate because I don't have the luxury of time which is on your side.  A specialist fertility counsellor told me last week; If you were 30 I'd say give yourself a year to get a job sorted (I lost my job in the cuts), but at your age I'd say 3 months.  The other option was to bank some embies.  Not sure if that is any help but it is a guide if you have any loose ends to tie up.  You could also consider egg share to cut the costs with IVF.

Good luck!
Diesy


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## twinklets (Jan 31, 2012)

Thanks Diesy its good to hear from someone who understands my situation! I'm from Scotland and was looking at the Spire hospital in Edinburgh. I have a good job and some savings so my financial position is good but I could probably only afford 2 rounds of IUI which worries me because if it fails what do I do next! I'd kind of be out of options and back to the start! I want to be a mum so badly that I'd do anything to make my dream come true which is why I've ended up considering going down this route. This is not something I've done lightly or because of my recent break up. I'd been unhappy in my relationship for at least 6 months before the end but I was sticking it out in the hope of having a baby. In the end I realised that was wrong because I didn't love him so it wasn't fair to string him along any longer. Ideally I would have liked to do AI again but after getting let down the last time I think going through a clinic although expensive is worth a shot. I have read that success rates are low with IUI is there anything I can do to maximise my chances of getting pregnant?

Good luck with your journey I hope it all works out. I lost my job due to the recession as well which delayed my attempts at AI 4 years ago and I always wonder if I hadn't lost my job would I have managed to get pregnant before I friend the donor lost interest. That's why I think despite being scared to go through this alone and all the hospital appointments and procedures I have to give IUI a go or I'll regret it and always wonder what if!

T x


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

You're welcome Twinklets, you'll get lots of info and support on here so do have a look at the IUI treatment diaries and the IUI thread.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=195.0

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=243822.0

I would think with your age you want to be careful about over stimulating and getting lots of follies. If you run out of cash for IUI you could look at egg share for IVF because it does cover a lot of your costs. Not everyone is up for that though. As for maximising your chances, gosh, timing is everything with IUI and your clinic will keep you straight there. You can have a look at supplements, I think Pregnicare Conception is a good starting place, cheaper at Tesco than some other places. I take a lot of the supplements on Angelbumps thread. No booze, no caffeine (I can't live without  ) .

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=226042.0

If you have any other worries just post. Good idea to pitch in on the IUI thread.

Off you go, lots of reading to do.  You'll be fine, age is 9/10 ths of the physical side.


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## DZWSingleMumma (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi ya,

Welcome to the boards.  

Starting from the beginning you need to do the following:
1. Go to your GP and arrange for a few tests.  FSH, LH, Estradiol - If you get them through your GP they are free.
2. Read through the boards and learn a bit about the process. 
3. Choose a donor. This is a huge decison do you want anonymous or open id.  The UK they have to be Open abroad they can be anonymousl 
4. Choose a clinic.  Uk is more expensive than abroad (1600-2000 per IUI)
5. Get your tests.  AMH, Anthral Follicle Count (Ultrasound) These are often done as a fertility mot. Costs about £375 in London. You may need a hycosy to see if your tubes are clear etc.
6. Decide if you want to try for egg sharing or egg donation.
7. Decide if you want to freeze Embryos or get pregnant now.
8. Once you get your clinic, donor and tests you are ready to get your IUI.

The process is quite simple if you don't need medication.

Cost wise it can be from £1500-£2000 in the UK PLUS Sperm. (£200-500 per vial)
Abroad I spent about £750 ish plus sperm. 

Please note often it takes multiple attempts to get pregnant so you can spend a couple of grand on Sperm to ensure you have the same donor etc.

Also the cost of getting pregnant is usually only a tiny drop in the ocean compared to AFTER you have the baby.  Please ensure you can afford it, you have support around you and you think about the long term costs.  I say this as I didn't even THINK about the next steps and having my baby has totally changed everything for me financially.

AS an aside: I am coming to edinburgh next week ironically with my baby and would be happy to meet and chat about my experience as a single girl and successful Donor IUI.

Cheers
Dawn


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## Grace10704 (Aug 7, 2008)

Just a real quickie as gotta run - I have 2 kids by natural IUI (that is no drugs & just an initial scan to check I had all the right equipment!).  Just monitored my cycle with Clearblue Ovulation kits( bit expensive but worth it) then told clinic when I was ready to go.  Both kids result of 2nd attempts.  Cost me about £1200 per attempt.  I was 37 when I got pregnant with my first & 41 when I was lucky with my second.  If your tests come back OK try unmedicated rounds first off - you might be as lucky as me!
Good luck


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## twinklets (Jan 31, 2012)

Thanks for all of your replies I really appreciate it and I guess its down to me to take the plunge and book an appointment - I think that will be the scary part having to go it alone to all my appointments and not be able to talk to anyone about the treatment initially (although I am close with my family I think they'd be of the opinion I am young and not to rush into this just yet!)  I have my doubts as my 2 AI's failed that maybe I am setting myself up for disappointment but if I don't do it I will always have that nagging voice in the back of my head saying "what if".  As crazy as it sounds I am getting my fortune told tomorrow night so I am hoping he has some good news for me.  I know not everyone believes in that kind of thing but I have seen this guy before and he was amazing he knew things about me that no one else did so in an ideal world I'd love him to tell me IUI is the way to go, I will be successful on my first attempt and everything will work out ok - yeah right lol!

Dawn thanks for the offer of chat unfortunately I am working away next week so won't be able to get to Edinburgh  I'd love to hear more about your story though and hear what the whole process was like for you and what I can expect if you wanted to PM me or something?  You and your baby are living proof that it can work and I have to stay positive!  At the moment I don't have much else in my life so this is the only thing keeping me going.  If it doesn't work for me I don't know how I'll cope because realistically I can only afford 2 rounds of treatment.  I know people have mentioned egg sharing but that is not for me.

T x


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

hi twinklets
Like Grace I got pregnant on a natural IUI with no drugs which makes it cheaper, my IUI cost £700 but then i had to import sperm which with the pregnancy slot was about £500...my clinic did three scans before the IUI to track the follicle and get the timing right.

You could consider finding a donor through a site....check out the lesbian and gay boards as there is more info on there...but there are places where you can meet potential donors and it wouldnt cost. Not for everyone though as not regulated as clinics are and therefore could feel a bit more scary.

Whilst it is possible to get pregnant within two attempts at IUI if all is ok, and you do have age on your side, its not a given so you do need to think about how that will affect you.  I can certainly relate to finding men just so that you can have a baby, it can really cloud judgement and now that I have my LO I feel much happier that I would be looking for the right man for the right reasons.

its scary making the decision to go ahead, you do need to be quite resilient and as Dawn has suggested, its worth getting some tests done so that you know that everything is in tip-top shape before spending any money.

good luck
x


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## caramac (Mar 21, 2010)

Hi Twinklets - I think you do need to think about what you will do if your two attempts are not successful...as Lulu has suggested. When I started on the DIUI path I decided to give it 6 attempts. My reasoning behind this was that couples are told to try naturally for 12 months before seeking assistance from their GP, so as IUI is a bit more accurate timing-wise than natural methods I figured 6 goes was about the equivalent!!!! Not very scientific but that was my thoughts at the time.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to afford 6 goes in this country so I looked into tx abroad. There are many of us single women who have had tx abroad...and I'm sure any of us would be happy to offer advice by PM if you want more info on this.


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## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

Hi Twinklets,

I don't have much to add other than I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. I'm 27 and going alone after an 8 year relationship broke down a couple of years ago, just weeks before our wedding and while we were trying for a baby. 

People don't understand why I'm deciding to go alone when I'm apparently destined to meet someone, but this is my choice, and there have been many years of thought put into it. 

People won't understand, but so what?

I have contacted several clinics in Spain to get prices and information, and I am almost certain that I will be going to Spain for my treatment, due to the prices and the fact that I have supportive friends in the Barcelona area that have already nominated themselves to accompany me to treatments. I also chose not to go with a known donor, which may seem selfish but I have reasons behind it. I don't entirely agree with the UK laws, and I'm not sure how I'd feel about my child/children tracing a sperm donor once they're old enough. To me, a father is the person who raises you and not where you come from biologically. The information they need about their sperm donors history will be given to me at the time of treatment, and that is how I plan to raise my children. However I know that this isn't everyone's ideal situation, that's just my opinion. 

If you need any support going through this please feel free to message me!


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