# am I stupid or what?



## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

Hey peeps

My   is due to end on Sunday - was feeling really positive as unlike last month - when I started spotting a good five/six days before the evil   reared her ugly head - I had nothing this month and was just hoping that I would wake up tomorrow and it would be Sunday and I would have no more of this awful 'dreading' feeling in the pit of my stomach.

That is until this afternoon - came home after work - had a nap and woke up to go to the loo to find some sort of watery light pink stuff when I wiped (sorry if tmi) 

AND instead of holding off I did the worst thing possible and decided to test early (even though it's only cd26 and I'm normally a 30 day cycle girl) and got a .....yup  

Feel absolutely GUTTED - don't know whether to cry or hold out hope that I tested too early ( it's not as if I even waited to use first wee of the day- had been to loo a couple of hours beforehand too!) and that it will be a different story come Sunday.

But am I just kidding myself?

    

not sure I can go through another month of this - not as strong as some of you ladies who have gone through this time and time again....don't know how you do it.

Plus - my consultant only does 3 months of clomid apparantly - what do I do if I don't get a   by then? what are my options?

very  and confused clomid chick

S
xx


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## lucye2712 (Sep 7, 2005)

i too tested on cd26,it was my 1st cycle and to impatient to wait,got bfn,tested again cd33 got bfn have now had a.f and am on 2nd cycle,cd26 is to early to test we all no it but still do it?iam wishing good luck and hope a.f stays away and you do indead get a BFP X X X


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

Hello 

Sorry only gonna be a quick reply as in middle of cooking dinner (I'm starving !)...at the end of the day, until AF arrives, it ain't over...you could have tested way too early...but you're not silly/stupid or what !!!...we've all done it...

I know it's not easy, we all have down days, but if you can then wait until AF should arrive & if it doesn't then test then....

I don't even keep any hpt's in the house as I used to be dreadful for testing early...

Sending you lots of positive vibes   & some hugs 
Take care 
Natasha


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

thanks guys - am trying to think   ....but you know how it is.

I should have learned my lesson after two years of hpt's and just not keep any in the house.

here's to another 3 days of kw'ing (knicker watching)!

S
xx


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## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Hiya

Hey, stop beating yourself up about testing early.  Some ultra early HPTs can be used 4 days prior to AF so you are not mad for testing at that time.  Ive been TTC almost 7 years, Im on my 11th cycle of clomid in total, and it never gets easier I can tell you.  What I have done is change my attitude.  I cant control the outcome but I can control how I deal with it.  

Keep in your mind at all times that 1) it takes a healthy fertile couple an average of 12 months to conceive with no fertility problems at all and 2) if that is the case then every BFN you get takes you even closer to that BFP.

There is no reason why you cant do 6 months of Clomid.  Just because its not what your consultant normally does, if you ask for it there is no reason why he/she should refuse.  6 months is actually the recommended length of time to use it for.  Its also perfectly normal to then have a 6 month break and then go back on the Clomid again for another 6 months.

Another thing I try and do is keep in mind that there are many reasons why an egg doesnt get fertilised or doesnt implant.  The egg could be of poor quality, their could be a chromosomal abnormality, anything, and if it cant become a viable human then it wont come to anything in most cases and you will not get PG.  Getting PG is not easy even for people with no fertility problems.  Im saying that full of conviction even though my own sister had to be sterilised after her 5th baby to stop her having any more as she fell PG the second she stopped using contraception    Life is cruel sometimes.

Try not to predict the outcome before AF is due - even though I know thats way easier said than done!  You need to reduce the amount of stress you are under and worrying all month just wont help.  My friend's RE told her that stress releases a hormone which makes the endometrium toughen up making it much harder for the egg to implant.  If thats true then all of us need to take action to destress!

Hang in there.  We know exactly how you are feeling and thats why we all get along so well on this board.  All our situations are different but the pain is the same.  Stay on these boards for support and you will always be in good company.

take good care and try and hang in there hun

Hugs

Witchie Poo Cat


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## Charlies-Mum (May 25, 2005)

B3ndy - you naughty girl you! 

I got BFN until a week AFTER af was due when Iwas pregnant! Some people just don't have high enough hormones to get that BFP until a little later than others. 
I too am guilty of trying early (heavens knows why!) but as has been said before it isn't over til Aunt Flow starts cleaning.


Debs


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## sarahstewart (Aug 4, 2005)

Witchie Poo Cat

Just wanted to say thanks for that advice (even thou it wasn't aimed at me!)  

Your words of wisdom keep me going and I hope that you get a   really soon  - you deserve it.

Am going to try and de-stress tonight!  And not have any   or   at DH over the weekend.  

Have a good weekend,

SarahXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Hi Sarah

That last part is much easier said than done isnt it!!  I do tend to have   with my DH but, being the loving hubby he is, he mostly (not always!) lets it just wash over him.  I dont know how he does it.  Sometimes I just explode over the tiniest things but it fizzles out pretty quick.  Mind you, pre-Clomid I did suffer quite horrible PMS so I guess he must be used to it and has had plenty practise! haha

This infertility journey is really all about keeping yourself informed and finding ways to cope otherwise we would all go   .  I mean, I only realised last month that the lube I had been using wasnt  friendly.  You can imagine how gutted I was after ttc for nearly 7 years!  No one had mentioned it to me before.  This month I have my Pre-seed so hopefully these next 4 cycles I have left I will have the optimal chance to get a BFP.

Thanks for your good wishes.  Unfortunately I rely on these boards as I dont have any family or friends who understand or who have ever gone through this infertility journey.  Good thing is everyone here is really friendly and supportive - and a bit nutty too which always helps!!  

Best of luck for a BFP for you, and everyone, this month.

Hugs

Witchie Poo Cat


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## sarahstewart (Aug 4, 2005)

Aww Witchie - Just PM me whenever you need a chat!

I know what you mean about friends and family thou - my mum just does not get it at all - we have never been really close but are drifting further apart!!!! She just thinks that hey ho I should just get on with it and why worry!  Another 'friend' has the same attitude that 'its not the end of the world if you can't have kids! '  I actually lost it the last time I she said that as its easy to say that if you have 'the perfect family'.

Anyway - I generally cope OK with it - I just try not to talk to too many people that obviously don't understand! My SIL is the worst she actually said to me could we hurry up as she does not want to be an old auntie!  (she has 2 kids aged 8 and 4 - and has had countless abortions cos she can't be bothered to use birth control)  My DH had to calm me down before I knocked her one!

Have a good weekend -   Thanks for all ur advice.


SarahXXXXXXXXXXXXX(sorry for my )


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## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Thanks Sarah

Yeah, I think we all have those insensitive types in our lives.  My Insensitives seem to keep saying "Well, who'd want kids anyway, they're nothing but trouble" - yeah, really nice thing to say to someone who is suffering infertility isnt it?  I just should out ME, I WOULD HAVE KIDS!!!  That seems to shut them up for a little while!! haha

Have a nice weekend.  We are in York all weekend doing a fair.  I always love those as with my business I get to meet all kinds of people which makes it really interesting.

TTFN

Witchie Poo Cat


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

Thanks clomid chicks for your shoulders to   on and ears to bend!

Have been feeling mega poo all day - like I've got a 'cloudy head' and a bit dizzy at times.

Little bit of spotting today (but only when wipe - sorry!) and got wierd stomach cramps....whatever's going on I wish it would hurry up in a way - at least I know then whether or not I can get onto my next cycle of these   tablets.

Debbycuk - congrats on your   - if I hear one more 'mother' friend who tells me ' oh you'll know when you get preggers - you feel 'different' I'll scream! coz one thing I've learned since joining ff is that there's no 'typical' pregnancy and there are some women who are pregnant for WEEKS before finding out.

witchy poo - fingers crossed the Preseed does it's deed this month. I too come from a family that falls preggers just by looking at their dh's (good old Irish Catholics that we are!) doesn't help me feel far from 'normal'......if there is such a thing. Have fun at your fair!

Two more days to go and counting........

S
xx


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## tracyb (Aug 29, 2005)

Hi S,

I feel the same as you today, my head is so fuzzy and I just want to lay down but even when I do I still feel strange.  I had to come home from work early as I felt so bad, oh and I have been very tearful today  

I have had no more spotting so I gave in and tested today but of course I got a  

So it is back to the waiting game  

Will probably tests again Sunday, how about you?

Love Tracy
xxx


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## jocole69 (Dec 19, 2004)

Hi,

I don't think you are silly at all for testing on CD26, I think we have all been there eh?!  
But, it is a tad early for it to show up positive. So, I really hope AF keeps away and you don't have that dreaded 'going to the loo, wiping and dreading looking down at the loo paper and seeing Blood!' type thing this month.  

We all know how horrible it is - so dont thinkk you are silly. You are normal!!  
Best wishes and good luck....
Jo xx


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

hi peeps

Tracy - think I'm going to test in the morning (when I should have waited til in the first place!) - have sent you a message. Fingers crossed for you tomorrow too! 

Am trying to be positive but don't want to get my hopes up......thanks for the good luck Jo.

Here's to tomorrow!

S
xx


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## sarahstewart (Aug 4, 2005)

S

How did you get on did u test on Sunday?



Sarah


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

Hi Sarah

Yea - tested yesterday got another  ..... 

and then today - bang on day 30 (bit wierd considering my cycles are always 30 days long I was told to test on day 29 - but this is because ovulation is forced for me (despite the fact I Ov naturally) with an hcg injection after my scan looks for any mature follicles) .........  arrived mid morning!

so it's cycle 3 starting tomorrow and I've got my scan booked for cd12

oh well

S
XX


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## tracyb (Aug 29, 2005)

Hi S,

I am so sorry that the   caught up with you.  Here's hoping she is kind to you and wishing you lots of    for your 3rd cycle.

I am still waiting, I did another test this morning and again got a   but still no spotting or sign of AF!!  I have had some cramps, but I have been having strange pains,cramps and twinges since cd14 so I don't really take much notice anymore!!

Hopefull AF will appear soon, otherwise our cycles will be way out of synch!!

Love Tracy
xx


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

Fingers crossed it's better news for you Tracy

Maybe - like you said - our next cycles will bring us better luck.

Let me know when you have any news - but meantime wishing you lots of    

S
xx


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## jocole69 (Dec 19, 2004)

I'm so sorry to hear AF showed up S,  What a bummer!

I hope it's better news next month  
Take Care. Jo x


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