# Tears of sorrow



## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

Hi All,

Sorry  Its a BFN for us, tried four times on different HPT's over the weekend, all the same negative result, so convinced it had worked, bucket load of tears Saturday morning, i did the comforting words and reassuring hugs but we both had broken hearts. This was our 5th attempt, each treatment is about £8000 so we now owe about £45000, would have been easier to swallow if we had a child because of that,I'm 48 and working for a company that is close to folding, just had a 20% pay cut and expect to be unemployed and unemployable by Christmas/New Year, have a three bedroom house and only one bedroom being used, did suggest to the d/w we can adopt and even try for our own children still but I'm a little concerned she may slip back into a life of wine and cigarettes again, could not blame her if she did for a short time if she did, what a mess, this is the worse time and the worse situation for me, if you had asked me 15 years ago what i would have predicted to be the worse possible predicament for me i would have told you something very close to what I'm in now, no kids, heavily in debt, job on the way out and a broken heart, am I feeling sorry for myself, no not at all, am I bitter, no not really, am I dissappointed, yes massively, but there are people worse off than me and i appreciate what i have at the moment,


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## Moonshine (Jun 1, 2010)

Hi Dell Boy, 

Was thinking of you over the weekend I am so sorry for your BFN, I know how you are feeling I am in a similar situation in terms of the money issues etc it is just heart breaking and cruel. I am due to test tomorrow and so scared I think it is worst when you know you have no more frosties to fall back on. Take some time together. x


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## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

Thanks Moonshine,

Good luck hun, feeling a bit low today as you can imagine, what's meant to be is meant to be really i think,

Ray


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Hun  i know i can't say anything to make you feel better.  Be kind to yourselves and to each other hun.
xx


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

to you Dell Boy & DW   

Was wondering how you were over the weekend as hadn't seen any posts.

I'm really sorry this comes on top of everything else you're currently going through....life can be utter sh!te at times, so unfair   

I have no wise words but I can empathise with you on many levels of what you've mentioned in your post above.  

Thinking of you both.....

Take care
Natasha x


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## AliG63 (Jul 15, 2010)

Dear Dell Boy,
Am so, so sorry for you both. send big hugs  Really hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, don't give up home..there could be another job comes up if this one folds. praying that things aren't so bad and that God blesses you.  Its too early to give up hope yet, your wife's only 43, she could conceive naturally.  I've heard of it happening when couples completely let go of things, the stress of trying goes, and bingo! they conceive.  failing that, adoption is a possibility. So please DONT give up hope.
Thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts.     Ali xxx


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## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

Thanks Ali G, what would you do hun, i have said to the wife who spoke to the clinic this morning about going for a follow up meeting, if they talk me into it i would do it again but consider that its not me doing the treatment or being pulled, prodded and pushed about, if i was the woman I'd keep going until it happened but then again I'd probably have a different set of emotions, don't think i would go shopping as much or nag my husband every day though  but seriously is this what they do in a follow up because in the past we have not bothered,i would like to try what you did and go abroad, least that way we get a holiday, i know you're not me but what approach should i follow and how would i mention it to the wife


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Have you never had a follow up appointment hun?  I always found them really useful and got some good advice about the way forward.  Is your consultant supportive?


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## AliG63 (Jul 15, 2010)

Hi Dell Boy,
Def think you should go for a follow-up appointment. They will prob recommend DE but that's what most of them recommend for women 43 plus. and your d/w has had a few let downs there, as they reckon the egg quality is so poor and that's why the eggs don't fertilize. My Ob Gynae told us that and we were sitting there feeling more and more deflated as you can imagine!.  I was 44,nearly 45 at the time. She reckoned the best bet was to carry on trying naturally which we did (but gave up after a year! time was running out!  So if you can afford it, do go for DE, and the Czech and Russia do it, a lot cheaper than Spain so I've heard.  Think also there's a place in Greece -can find out the name for you- that is excellent.  think its about 6,500 in Greece clinic.  8,500 approx our clinic  CREA, Valencia  Sounds a lot! and excluding hotels, etc!! yes we are cleared out ourselves more or less!! 
Don't worry Hun, remember Stay positive.!  Never give up hope   Ali xx ps but take a bit of time our first for yourselves.  you need the break!


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## ♥MillyMax♥ (Nov 21, 2005)

Hi Dell-Boy 

Firstly massive  to you and your DW.

I too have been thinking about you lots over the w/end and there are no words sufficient...I too can empathise on so many levels of your posts it's utter sh*t% infertility  

Apologies in advance as I don't fully know your histories, but have you had an chromosome testing and immune testing done either of you? If not although costly, now maybe the time to check this out. Also not sure if you are aware or would even have the strength at the mo to attend but The Fertility Show is on w/end of 5th and 6th Nov, 1st yr last yr and running again this yr, I'm a bit of a veteran at this game as you'll see from my history and found it so informative and so going back again this yr. Can fully recommend it, it's not expensive (cheaper on line though than at the door, think tickets were 10 quid each) & lots of seminars (a mere pound each) with a lot of top specialists that you would normally wait months to get an apt to see.

Sending you lots of  and  take good care of each other over the coming days which are undoubtedly going to be raw for you both.

Jennie
 x


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