# What makes you happy?



## pipkin (Jan 14, 2005)

Hi Girls

I am at my desk and listening to the radio while I work. They have a programme on at the moment with listeners calling in to say 'what makes them happy'.  

Pipkin


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hello Pipkin  

It sounds as if you have had a difficult weekend, having to cope with your friend...i am sure what is probably making you feel so down...just always hearing other peoples good news....It just seems to be that we are always on the receiving end all the time.So my thoughts are with you...
Ah the media!!! its does seem to concentrate on either really good news and success stories.....or just bad news!!!! nobody ever seems to want the real life stories without a dream/fairytale ending to IVF!!!
I can understand why you were upset this morning, because its something that is so painful and close to us. Its like it reinforces what we haven't got and what we are missing??
Pipkin i have started to listen more and watch programmes that highlights the difficulties in bringing up children..so that i can get an all round reality check..I know it doesn't make things easier, but it helps put me put things into prospective...
Not that i don't get a kick in the teeth every once in a while and its back to square one again....so i totally empathise where you are coming from...
As far as sunday is concerned...you can be whatever you feel that day, because we understand..When i used to go to the TTC meetings in my area..I could be crying/laughing/sobbing in one afternoon...?we are all normal...I would just like to meet you!!!
take care astridxx


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## Twigs (Aug 15, 2006)

Hi Pipkin

I havent posted on here before, altho i have been lurking in the background for quite a while and always try and pop on and read the messages when im not to busy at work!  I have known of my IF for around 16 years and my last tx was about ten years ago.  I can totally understand how you feel, its like there is never an escape from IF there are reminders all over the place, sometimes it feels like whichever way u turn there is always something to remind us of it and like u say they always seem to be saying that having kids is so fantastic etc etc.  I wonder if the feeling angry thing is related in some way to xmas approaching as i always seem to feel little shadow of saddness around this time of year and ive noticed that alot of the ladies on here seem to be a little bit down and the mo and wonder if this could be one of the reasons??   

I am visiting a friend tonight after work who has an 11 month old baby girl from IVF treatment and she is also now pregnant again (naturally) and i know exactly what u mean when u say how hard it is!!!!  we put on a brave face and then come home feeling so down   and have to start picking ourselves back up all over again.  I find it alot easier to try and avoid pregnant friends or friends with babies as much as possible without making it to obvious but there is no escaping it fully and we always have to go through this sh*t

Never mind i think we just have to try and focus on the positive things of not having children and remind ourselves or our freedom and unstressful lives etc etc the lie ins and the nights out and being able to spend quality time with our partners

Hope you start to feell a bit better soon, sending u a big hug to help .......

Twigs xxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Dear Twigs
Thankyou for posting!!! its always good to get input from girls that really fully understand the impact of IF..By reading your post i can see that you have had alot to deal with over the years and it must have been and still is tough for you...
All i can say is i hope that tonight is not to difficult for you and that your friend is a good one. So that you are not feeling to awful afterwards?? I find that if they are really genuine people, i can cope alot better with the situation. I do not feel so exposed with my feelings, if that makes sense? I must say you must be a very brave and tough person to have come this far down the road!!!
You know where we are...
take care astridxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Pipkin, know what you mean, and its something that infuriates me all the time the way the media portray this idea of people not being whole or 'complete' until they have a family - grrr! 

I know only too well how hard it is when your friends are getting preggers and going on to add to their families and you have to grit your teeth and bear it - yes you're happy for them, but it really reinforces the devastation and isolation you feel. After being the last couple not being able to acheive 'family' status amongst all of our friends I know exactly how you feel!

Twigs, its lovely to see your message. I had been trying for 13 years in all - its soul destroying when you get the end of the road but you know what? We all gave it our best shot and here we are coming through the other side, with each other to sound off to about it.

I find its not just about christmas this time of year, there is halloween and bonfire night too - all kiddy related stuff and it reminds me that its the big run up to christmas once again. We made a concious decision a few years ago now that crimbo was something WE could celebrate together as a couple, a time to relax from being at work and time to see our friends etc - why should christmas be all about kids? Its still hard though when all things 'kid' are assailing your senses from all directions.

Got no wise words really lovely ladies but just wanted to say I know where you're all coming from and I understand!

Lots of love from me xxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

hello girls

Just wanted to say Emcee you are always full of wise words..i like the idea of celebrating Xmas as a couple...
Hippy thankyou for your kind words!! Can i just say something you are not selfish at all, but what you feel is normal and selfless. They are feelings that are true to you and working with them is probably the best way to deal with them. This is how you feel at certain times and certain days and if you can be honest and express them, it is better than keeping them in. I am so glad that you can come on here and feel safe to do so...When you say things are worse now, than when you finished your treatment? I think whatever you feel this is normal, but i think its hard and difficult to put it in its place thats what makes it worse, is trying to understand why we feel this way or that way?
It is a process, a sh*ty one, one you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. But by facing them, you will come to a place where you will eventually feel alittle stronger. Hoepfully to go on and make other decisions in your life..
Go with it Hippy and don't fight it...i thank you and all the girls on here with your input, because we all 
need each other at different times!! 
So Hippy please do not be hard on yourself? 
Take care love astridxxx


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## Twigs (Aug 15, 2006)

Hello everyone

Pipkin - hope you are feeling a little bit stronger today.  When i read your post yesterday it just really struck a chord with me and i could really feel your pain and sadness.  Those bad patches can be soooo difficult to deal with at times and very frustrating when the majority of people around us dont really understand.  Thats why this board and all you ladies are sooooooooo fantastic, it was like a god send when i stumbled accross it.  I had felt so isolated and lonely at times that nobody not even my mum or closest friends really understood my pain and frustration.  I only ever heard about all the IVF success stories and often wondered that if success rates were so low where were all the other ladies who had been through it and were not successful and then i found u all here!!!!!! and realised that i wasnt odd and i wasnt a fruit cake   and that all the feelings i at times went/go through are all actually NORMAL    and i felt like a huge weight had been lifted in a way - so thank you  


Astrid - thank you for your reply, i was very nervous posting, all u ladies seem so lovely and have all been through so much yourselves that i didnt want to post and put a downer on you all by coming across all doom and gloom if u know what i mean.  Altho the sadness is always lurking around not to far away for the most part my life without children is great and i am greatful for the things that i wouldnt have had or done if i had been able to have them.  I feel that i have a wonderful relationship with my hubby and that we have a special bond because of what we have been through together which is something really positive to have come out of our IF. Weve had some lovely holidays and weekends away etc etc.  As time has gone on I have found it alot easier to deal with the difficult times and to face the endless pregnancies, babies, christenings etc altho i dont think the feelings of sadness surrounding these times really goes away it just gets easier to manage.  
Last night with my friend was good and i came home feeling fine.  i find that because she has been through tx herself, even tho her memories of it are long forgotton, i am able to tell her if something is to hard for me to deal with etc and she will understand and does not take offence which is really good and yeah it makes sense when u say your feelings are not so exposed with people like this

emcee - thanks for your message - your so right, we have all given it our best shot and have come out the other side and have lived to tell our tale to each other and help each other along. Its a hard journey but one which we are all bravely making and i think we should all be proud!!!!  

Thanks again ladies, just knowing your all out there is a comfort

Twigs xxx


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## Hippy (Aug 2, 2005)

Astrid - I am confused! You put a lovely message on this thread addressed for me but I hadn't actually posted a message on this thread!? I hope however you did mean it for worked out it was for them  

Love
Hippy
xxx

PS - Huge hugs to all on this thread especially this week with it being the dreaded halfterm . . . that always makes things ten times worse for me.


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Hippy and Pipkin
I am losing the plot!!!
I think i was replying to Pipkin....but please Hippy i hope that it did strike a cord with you...You are both lovely ladies...
Love astridxx


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## pipkin (Jan 14, 2005)

Astrid  

Don't worry, I thought you were loosing the plot which is why I didn't 'say' anything, I just gathered you had got your 'Hip...' and your 'Pip...' mixed up!

Twigs - Glad it went ok seeing your friend last night.  I did think of you as I sipped my glass of wine    Please don't ever feel 'isolated or lonely' - we are here  

Pipkin x


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Thanks Pipkin...i will blame it on the Pip and Hip ( i would never have thought of that)..

Twigs.....as Pipkin said please do not ever feel alone,you know where we are. So glad that you had a good visit to your friends last nite. You really have experienced all aspects of IF and i really do take my hat off to you...I think you are brave and strong and having the opportunity to read your input, has helped me to put things into prospective. Thankyou!!

WELL MY Niggley thought with the Media today i have to share with you!

I have been listening to the radio for most of the afternoon. And every hour the news comes on and its Rod Stewart (i am not knocking his personality). Its just his conversation to the media announcing that he and his wife want another baby. Hopefully on the Wedding Nite!!! UMMMMM just like that! Then he is going to hang up his shoes to no more children. (Well hang something?)...
Well all i can say is lucky thing, that it just happens like that....it came across as if he was buying a new suit...or maybe a tin of shop...all i can say is lucky bugger that you can take things sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo for granted...

I feel better now thats off my chest!!

ta astridxxx


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## ruby k (Jun 2, 2004)

Hi everyone
I too hate the media portrayals of children = happiness, so I was very interested to find this article from the Observer (written in 2003) online - thought it was quite interesting?

_Polly Stuart mops up the spilt milk with a stockinged foot and tries once again to persuade Matt, her two-year-old son, to finish his tea. 'Children can make you happy, but 99 per cent of the time there are rows, and 99 per cent of the time it's over the kids,' she sighs. 
In the background her husband, William, moodily changes TV channels. The argument they had the night before over childcare responsibilities clearly still smarts.

'I thought having children would make me happy, but I'm no happier than I was before; I'm just happy in a different way,' says Polly. 'My delight in having a son is tempered by feelings of guilt, anger, fear and resentment.'

A major new survey last week into parents' attitudes towards their offspring came to a rather awkward conclusion: it showed that, far from children being little bundles of joy, having them does not necessarily bring happiness.

Instead, according to the 1,500 Britons aged between 20 and 40 who were questioned, adults are finding the courage to admit that parenthood is not all it is cracked up to be.

The link between children and happiness has, as a result, remained relatively unexplored. It is only now that we are getting whispers of the often equivocal relationship parents have with their children. _

I am always annoyed by the media portrayals of the perfect family, so its good to read of the other side for once!

Hope you're all OK xxxxxxxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Ruby

I just wanted to say how refreshing it was to read something different which sounds real as opposed to 'sugar coated' - all of my friends who have kids all say what hard work it is, and how difficult it is juggling everything in their lives, not that it stops some of them for having a snipe at me being able to have a lie in/very late night every now and again mind you!  

Hooray for a different perspective on this for once!

Thanks for that hon

Love, 
Emcee x


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Ruby
I certainly agree with Emcee...what a refreshing article to read. Thx for your time posting this for us all to read...
Love astridxx


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