# Stress/depression and applying to adopt - HELP!!



## linziloo (Aug 26, 2007)

Hi Ladies,

Please can we have some advice?

We applied to adopt last year after unsuccessfully ttc for 5 yrs (my DH has Azoospermia, and I have severe endo)We have been put in for panel in April and have just received our 'Adopter's Report' to look through. We noticed that part of the report had been blanked out so that we couldn't read it. I spoke to our sw this morning, and she said it was confidential?? 
This is worrying us because my DH has had depression and anxiety problems in the past, which he has been very upfront and honest about in our hs. He saw a counsellor for a time for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, our sw contacted his counsellor to ask about this and this is the part which has been blanked out on the report. Surely we have a right to see what is on there? The rest of the report is ok, and our sw has been quite positive in her opinions of my DH so we're quite puzzled by it all, and obviously very worried   

Does anyone know where we stand with this? We are scared of getting on the wrong side of our sw by demanding to see it, if its normal procedure??

Any advice would be gratefully received!

Linziloo xx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi

The only part of our Form F we couldnt see was the referances which were done by 2 friends and MIL other then that we could see it all.

Have your SW said WHY you cant be shown this bit?

If they didnt think panel would approve you then they wouldnt take you to panel

xxx


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## Dee Jay (Jan 10, 2005)

hi Linziloo
as MJ says your SW would not be taking you to panel if there was a significant issue that may prevent you being approved. I would speak to your SW and just tell them that you're worried and can they tell you if that bit contains the medical information, or if it doesn't just ask what it contains (it could be your references) You could of course ask your GP to see it also, if you think it's the medical section. I certainly wouldn't demand to see anything - but I would talk to your SW and be upfront saying that you're worried and can she give you any advice.
Am sure that you'll be just fine hun  
lol
Dxxx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

as far as I'm aware you are meant to see the whole of your Form F except your referees bits..not sure why this bit has been blanked out and i would question it, nicely, of course,ask if its the LA policy  for everyone or just you.... and if you arent satisfied by her answer ask if you speak to her line manager. you dont want any nasty surprises at panel  you can ask if its something that might come up at panel so therefore you'd like to be prepared
i have to agree with the others tho, they wouldnt be taking you to panel if they thought there was a major problem

kj x


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## linziloo (Aug 26, 2007)

Thanks for your replies 

Our sw's Manager is coming out to see us tomorrow morning for our 2nd opinion visit (depending on the weather!) so we will ask her. Our sw is quite vague about our chances but she has told us that she 'thinks' we'll be ok at panel, but may have to wait longer until a child is placed with us as we will be in competition with other couples who haven't had problems with depression, and they will be more favourable than us. Her Manager tho is alot more forthright in her opinions so I'm sure if there are any serious problems she'll tell us 

Linz xx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

what a strange thing for your sw to say..indicating that problems with depression will make you less favourable than other couples  either you are approved or you arent..once approved yes couples have different strengths, relating to how they might cope with certain children but all couples should be seen equally in terms of being 'matched' in general... i would mention what this sw has said to the manager and ask if it is indeed the case....i think your sw seems to rather misunderstand the system 

good luck tomoz  

kj x


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## linziloo (Aug 26, 2007)

Thanks kj, I will mention that to her manager and see what she says about it xx


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## mavis (Apr 16, 2004)

Hi Linziloo,

I am glad that they are coming out to see you and that you will get the chance to speak to them sooner rather than later.

I agree with Keemjay, what a thing to say.

I believe and would hope that the system which involves spending state money to get you to a position where panel can approve you would not support or allow you to be taken through the process to then leave you sitting on the shelf so to speak - whilst according to the SW other more appropriate couples are selected.  If the Sw's believed at an early stage that your Dh depression was so significant I am sure they would have told you both so then and dont think they would have even commenced your HS surely, not wanting to sound mean or anything it just makes me soooo angry fo you guys.  I think you should be fine and any questions they had should have all been answered by the time you get to panel, one would hope.  

As Keemjay says we all have different strengths and weaknesses.

Good Luck with your meeting tomorrow.

Wishing you loads of love and luck    

mavis x


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## linziloo (Aug 26, 2007)

Thanks Mavis  

Well - sw's manager didn't come today because of the weather, after we both booked the day off work  She is coming next weds now. I am just hoping as you have all said that they wouldn't take us to panel if they thought that we wouldn't get approved xx


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## mavis (Apr 16, 2004)

Hi Linzi,

Defo, Could you ring her in the meantime and ask or email her to put your mind at rest, or would you prefer to speak to her in person?

Good Luck for Weds!

Of course you are entitle to ask the counsellor what they wrote about him, have you done this?

Keep ur chin up,

Lots of love,  

mavis x


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