# To quit or not to quit....that is the question



## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Hi there ladies, I need some advice and thought of you. It's not an IF issue but I've learned to value your combined input on a broad range of topics. Here goes.

I swapped jobs in mid year and the general life impact was very, very positive in that I felt reinvigorated by the challenge and I rediscovered my old zest for life. It was a good decision in that respect.

The problem: the job itself is not good, I'm a senior manager of an organisation I can't respect (it treats it people very badly, is consumed by greed and self interest and has a decidedly iffy corporate ethos) _but_ the money is good.

Every day I have to do things that I feel compromise my professional integrity and conscience. Don't get me wrong, they're not big, important, earth shattering things but lots of little things that you could argue don't really matter. The collective impact of these little things makes me cringe inwardly and it's really starting to take its toll on my self respect.

I've started to look around again and generally the feedback is positive, I've had one interview which resulted in an offer but one I'm not minded to accept.

I can't decide whether to just quit and wait for something better to come along and maybe temp in the meantime and be immediately available for a good offer or to tough it out and stay until I find something I really want and just keep on cringing.

The only thing that stops me resigning on Monday is a sense of obligation to my family (ie dh) to maximise our household income (I'm the primary income). What I don't understand is why I'm so bothered about this. It's not like we have kids to worry about, I could get by for a while temping, yes it would be painful but we'd get by as we always have done.

I seem paralysed by indecision which is not like me at all. Normally I act first and reflect later (which has got me into plenty of trouble in the past!) but I seem to be stuck.

My dh agrees I should move on and has been very supportive as have my wider family. I know that when I quit my boss will do his utmost to make my life diffcult and I think that's putting me off. I've seen him in action, he can be one seriously nasty piece of work.

Can anyone out there throw some advice in my direction? Rereading this I know what I'd say to someone else in the same position: if it makes you that unhappy quit. So what's stopping me? I wish I knew.

flipper


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## ruby k (Jun 2, 2004)

Flipper
You have answered your own question girly! I think the crux of this is that you say your job is making you feel bad about yourself - Flipper NOTHING is worth that. You sound like a highly competent and intelligent woman and I have no doubt that you could find something better out there. OK it may be a financial loss for a short period, but I think that would pale into insignificance compared to how good you would feel moving on. I totally understand how scary it is to leave your job - and I am not being blase at all - but I do think you have to do what makes you happy/contented in life. A few years ago I left my job to become self employed and it was the best thing I could have done. Yes it was (and is) tough at times, but its SO much better because I am being true to myself. It sounds like you have a really supportive dh and family - so let them support you in this....Sorry if I am sounding really full on with my opinion here! Its just that I really believe life is for striving after the best..and most of all about feeling good in your own skin.

Leap and the net will appear!!

Lots of love and luck your way,
ruby xx


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi Flipper

I can fully empathise with your position here hun.  Last year, I took on a new job (with more money, which was great for a while) but in the end, like you, I felt it just wasn't worth it.  I was totally stressed out, didn't have time to eat, constantly worried and couldn't sleep as it was very "salesly" and I couldn't sleep at night as they expected us to "hound" customers and "scare" them into buying life insurance etc. etc.  The only difference is, I had a great excuse to give it up - IVF.

I was reading your post and trying to read between the lines to see what your real priorities are.  Yes, at first you mentioned the money was good but as i read on, this didn't seem like your original motivation for taking the job on in the first place.  I sensed it was more about personal challenge.  And..... as you're no longer being "challenged" in quite the way you'd liked, then why wait around just for the money, which is nice .... but not 100% desperately needed?

You mentioned this company has little/no ethics.  And .... it sounds like you've already made up your mind to go, it's just a matter of "timing" and "when" to do it.  I sense you are a little nervous of just "jacking it in" although you are pretty confident you would find just as a fulfilling role somewhere else.  But given your slight hesitation, maybe just "use" them for a while, given they are greedy sods and just enjoy the wee bit extra cash, especially over Christmas, and maybe start looking seriously after Christmas or jack it in then?

Regarding your boss, I hate to think of someone in a senior position abusing their power like this and making you feel so intimidated.  Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as you think because you'd be leaving anyway and you know it wouldn't be forever?  Girl, you've coped with IF and probably alot of other s**t - don't let someone like this put you off living your life how YOU want to live it.  I'm sure you are stronger than you realise.

I don't know if this has helped, but I do know life is to short and precious to stick around in a job you don't enjoy.  Yes, it is a risk just jacking it in, but you sound level-headed, grounded and intelligent enough to make SURE things work out.  If you work hard enough at it, the risk might just turn out to be worth taking.

I wish you all the luck in the world,
Love Gill xo


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Flipper

The other ladies have given you sensible and sound advice there. The only thing I can add is similar to what Gill said, hang on in there until the silly season is over and done with if you can cope being there for the next few weeks - why should you leave a well paid postion just before the most expensive time of year  

I feel for you re. your bullying superior, I know I have told you about the various bullying strategies and people that are employed by my place of work. Its no fun having to work alongside people like this - even if you know in your heart of hearts you're going to leave one day!

Maybe what is making you stop in your tracks is that you haven't been at this job for too long? Hold onto the facts - taking the postion was the right move for you at the right time, now you have had your feet under the table so to speak and you don't agree with the ethics of the place doesn't in my humble opinion make you a quitter for hightailing it out of there!

I hear what you're saying about you shouldn't have to worry about finances because there are only 2 of you but to tell you the truth I worry about them all the time at the moment because I know if anything happened to my DH I would be totally on my own! I don't mean this in a doom and gloom way, its just me being practical! Why shouldn't any of us be able to live comfortably after all we have been through says me. Everything seems so overpriced nowadays!

It seems to me you have a lot of soul searching to do, my dear flipperty gibbet pal. I'm really sorry that this place of work sucks - but at least you can make the break knowing you gave it your best shot.

Sorry I couldn't be of more help to you sweetie
Love,
Emcee x


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## jomac (Oct 27, 2006)

Dear Flipper
I'm not sure that I can offer any other advice other than what the others have said.
(You are such a bunch of wise, wise women). Good on you for having this ethical dilemma. In the world we live in which often seems so selfish it's refreshing to come into contact with people like you lovely women who think outside the square.
I think the experience of infertility brings work issues into sharp focus.
I know that when colleagues of mine have become pregnant and had children it has allowed them an acceptable "out" career wise. At times I have felt more trapped by work because if I stopped or changed career then there would be a bit of Tut-tutting because I have no valid "excuse" (ie children). Being not able to have that "out" also forces me to be a bit more honest about my feelings about work.  This is still something I am working through ('scuse the pun!!).
For me the work issue is all about finding meaning without being a Mum. It's something I'm still working on. It takes more courage than I seem to have at the moment to do this!
Anyway Flipper best of luck.
It sounds like in your heart of hearts you know what to do and you're finding the strength to face it. Your boss sounds like a complete s**t. Life is too short to put up with people like him.

Lots of luck and "seize the day" as they say

Emma


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Hi ladies,

Thanks for the replies, it really does help. Between you you've nailed my anxieties and concerns.

Having mulled it over the weekend I've decided that I can cringe no longer. I wouldn't say I have an excessively highly developed conscience (few accountants do!) but I've decided I want to keep what I've got nice and clear so I'm going to resign either today or tomorrow depending on when the boss is around.

Unusually, I'm on only 4 weeks notice so I'm going to offer six weeks which gets me through to Dec 31st when I will leave. This allows them 6 weeks to find my replacement and me 6 weeks to actively find other work which should be enough.

It feels pretty good really, I'm sat here at my desk in my slum of an office having worked Saturday and arrived at 7am this morning and instead of feeling suicidal and sulking over breakfast (_not_ a good luck) I'm about to start refreshing my CV and working some contacts to see what else is around. (I've formally declined the other offer - frypan > fire and all that).

This leaves me with working out how to handle a nasty, bullying boss which feels easier this morning than it did on Saturday. Like you say emcee hang onto the facts: he needs my co-operation to enable a smooth transition to the next person. I'm going to make it clear when I resign that I'll give him 110% unless/until he gets nasty. When he gets nasty, my co-operation level will drop to a not negotiable/reverseable zero. It's his call, I'm happy to go either way. 

Thanks again, your input really is appreciated and if you hear the screams from Central England, it's either me or him 

flipper


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Way to go Flipper!  

I'm glad you have had that moment of clarity - its wonderful when that happens!

I shall picture you sat at your desk with a little hatchet under your chair to chop up this meany of a boss if he goes off on one about your departure! As for the screaming in central england - well I'm not too far away to listen out for him and I most certainly won't be assisting him - like I say to the lads at work, having my first aid cert. means I can beat them up and put them back together again any way I want - LOL!

Hope the next six weeks pass with you having a massive grin on your chops because you are escaping   Let us know what your boss says when he gets the letter - oooh I wish I were a fly on the wall! LOL!

Love,
Emcee x


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## ruby k (Jun 2, 2004)

Hey Flipper!! 
Just seen this - brilliant!! I will listen out for any explosions from your neck of the woods...hopefully its HIM and not you!! Well done lady xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

FLIPPER!!!!! You suddenly sound so strong and sure of yourself!  That's Fantastic!!

Can't WAIT to hear how it went.  Hope you've got that nasty boss RIGHT by the short and curlies girl!!

Good for you!!

Love Gill xx


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Job done - or at least it will be by the end of the year  If you heard the screams I'm delighted to say that they were not mine!

He is very dissappointed by my decision, he thought I was turning down a marvellous opportunity, he wanted me to reconsider, he wanted to know why I wanted to leave _such_ a good company, he even suggested I was having a pre 40 mid life crisis. He is so far removed from reality it beggars belief.

So that's it. Last Saturday I couldn't see the wood for the trees and felt trapped, today I feel completely liberated and _absolutely certain _ I've done the right thing.

Thanks again

flipper


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

And did you give him back his dummy, and put away the toys he threw out of his pram? 

What a 24 carot sprat is he? LOL! 

Good on you! Go Girrrrrrrl!

Emcee xxx


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## jaffa_orange (Jul 14, 2004)

Hi Flipper

Just snooping on this board (as worried I may be coming to the end of the line  ), and saw your message. I just wanted you to know how instantly struck I was by your strong sense of conscience and self-belief. Feeling a sense of conflict between your values and the obligations required of you by work (I know -- I've been there!) can be a terribly soul-destroying experience. How brave and wise of you to identify the problem and act on it as swiftly and resolutely as you have.

Perhaps now that you can be 'true' to yourself, you can have some time to assess your values and all the other things that are important to you, and see if there is a way that you can incorporate them into any future job that you accept. I did that, walked away from the old crap and am now training to be a counsellor, and it feels great.

Best of luck and lots of love

Jaffa
xx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Dear Flipper
So glad that you made a positive decision. Sorry i wasn't here earlier to add my little bit to your dilemma...
The most important thing is that you followed your real feelings and your values...i couldn't agree with Jaffa Orange more and the sound advice everyone has given..
Go girl! go girl!
All the best to a more exciting future. I bet you do not even look back? 

lots of love astridxxx

P.s Emcee you made me laugh  . I know alot of people that throw their toys out of their pram!!ha ha..


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## try2long (Nov 25, 2006)

Hi Flipper, 


After reading your post, I would say that you had answered your own question. You are a moral good person and the company compromises your values. I am of the school of thought that if I am asking, then something is wrong----- For me at least I don't question anything when it is right. 

Best of luck to you, I hope you find a company that deserves you as an employee.

A-


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

I lept and the net appeared (nice saying that Ruby, thanks) 

         and a few     for good measure.

Yep, I've got a new job ladies working for an organisation that not only values its employees but has a demonstrably high corporate ethos (generous donations to local charities, strong training commitments, strives for an acceptable work/life balance etc) and I'll be allowed to treat my direct reports as individual people with individual needs and objectives rather than corporate slaves.

So tonight I'll be having one (or just possibly two)   in celebration whilst I await a start date.

Thanks again.


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Well done flipper. Good luck in your new job and enjoy the drinks!!!


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Flipper, I'm sorry I missed being around for your initial dilemma, and having read through this I know feel chuffed to bits to read today's post. I wil also have a glass of wine for you this evening, if you don't mind me using you in such a shameful fashion! So looking forward to a dose of your good humour in person! 

Love, 

Leoarna x


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Yeaaaaaaah!

*Well done and flipperty flip!
What a helluva job hopping trip...
No doubt your old and mouldy boss
Made out like he couldn't give a toss
I'm so pleased for my lovely chum
Way to go for telling ex boss to 'shove it up his b*m'
When we see you in person we'll celebrate
Good on you Flipper, you are GREAT! *

Have a lovely drinky wink, and don't get (too) drunky wunk! 

Emcee xxx


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## pink panther (May 4, 2005)

Congratulations! 
Just shows what any of us can do when we hold out for what we believe in-good for you!
Looking forward to mutual raising of glasses on the 4th!
ppxx


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## ruby k (Jun 2, 2004)

Hey Flipper thats amazing!!!! Really well done, you totally deserve it - Brilliant Brilliant Brilliant!!!!!!
love ruby xx
ps emcee - fab ditty!x


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## jomac (Oct 27, 2006)

Hi Flipperr 
CONGRATULATIONS on new job
Hope all goes well.
Emcee loved the poem.
Lots love Joanne


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Well done Flipper, that is fabulous news!

So lovely to hear of someone who sticks to their principles and really cares about morals getting a well deserved reward.

Hurrah for you!


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## Hippy (Aug 2, 2005)

WELL DONE FLIPPER         that is fab to have got a another job so quickly and even more exciting is, that this one matches your very inspiring and much admired good honest and kind principles. Wishing you many, many good times at your new company.

Love
Hippy
xx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

I am so pleased for you, and so looking forward to celebrating! Well done to a "flipping" wonderful woman!!! xxx
Jq


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Dear Flipper
I knew that you could do it!!
I am so pleased for you, you really deserve nothing but peace of mind and a well deserved break in life. I really really hope that you will be happy in this new job...
I hope you will still have time to relax at home with a bottle of wine!! 
love astridx


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