# Don't know what to do with myself



## tobeornottobe (Jan 31, 2010)

I am so low right now having just had our last go at icsi and getting a BFN. I had started to think about adoption or just stopping altogether.  I am so lucky, I have a 7 year old DS that we had naturally but just haven't been able to get another one.

We are unexplained nothing wrong! Rubbish it's been 6 years and nothing, 3 IUS's 3 IVF's and nothing other than one chemical it's crazy!

Anyway it's been 3 days since I got my BFN and today I get an email from a close friend to say she is pregnant talk about kicking you when you're down. I'm in bits, feel like I've been stabbed in the heart.

DH doesn't know what to do or say. I've just had a chat with dh and he says he doesn't understand me and that no one is like me or feels what I do. He made out that I'd gone mad, reckons I need to see a doctor! The other day he was crying and we were on the same page and now 3 days later I'm the crazy one who needs help. I don't want to go on anti-depressants. Won't it affect me if I want to adopt? What they think I'm mad?

I don't know what to do, I'm really down and can't stop crying.

Please tell me I'm not alone feeling like this


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## marie57 (Dec 18, 2009)

Tobeornottobe so sorry you are so down hun,Sending you big  You are certainly not alone hun just pop on to the neg cycle thread to see that.I had my BFN 5 weeks ago and am still having my wobbly moments,its such early days for you please try not to be so hard on yourself hun,anyone who has been through this will understand,the trouble is people who havnt just cant.Your friend sounds extremely insensitive,to tell you in an email,all I can say is maybe she didnt know how to do it and didnt want you to hear it from someone else.You need to give yourself time to grieve,hun,its a huge loss to come to terms with.I have 2 DS 11 and 8 yrs Ive been ttc for 4yrs,many people even my gp have said i should think myself lucky and I do, but it dosnt take away the very real sense of loss of a dream   We had 1 go at ICSSI and said that would be it but its not so easy to give up the dream.My DH has agreed to 1 more thing either tx or surgery to unblock my tubes(which is what I am considering really)As I dont think I will ever be able to accept the finality of a last tx ending in BFN,even though thats probably a better chance of sucess at my age  
Please dont ever let anyone tell you you are mad for feeling the most natural emotions for a woman,Give that little boy of yours a huge hug and dont give up on your dreams even if you have to work out another way of getting there.Most important keep talking to us hun,we are all feeling the same and can all be mad together  take care Maria xx


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## Jem1978 (May 17, 2011)

Tobeornottobe, You are not mad my lovely . Have you spoken to any friends or other family about how you are feeling?

We have only been trying for 2.5 years  and i sought counselling recently. This in itself was really hard to do as i felt like i was mad needing to see a somebody, when i have really supportive friends and family. I am still seeing my counsellor and i think it's helpful to have someone who isn' emotionally involved like your DH obviously is.  I echo all that Maria has said. You have both been through a really awful experience, so give your self time to get back on the same page again. Treat each other with caring gestures even if you can't quiet talk yet. 

Lots of  . You are not alone 

Jem xx


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## sanfrancisco (May 15, 2010)

Tobeornottoobe-I'm so sorry hun I really know how you feel,I really do.I had a laparoscopy yesterday which has confirmed that I've got blocked tubes despite a clear HSG 6 months ago.We also have tried ivf,but I've always had hope that we would concieve naturally.Went to my mum's today and have just cried all day,she thinks I should see the dr for antidepressants.With me I think it is coming to terms that ds is going to be an only child and I never ever imagined on our wedding day that we would have had to go down this difficult road,I naively had planned 3 children,1 at 35,1 at 37 and my last at 39.I have had one at 36.I never imagined that secondary infertility could be so painful.I also suffered with primary infertility and people who suffered secondary infertility used to really annoy me.I am finding it hard to accept that I'll never have a bump again,feel a baby move,breastfeed ar the worst of all never see my DS face when introduced to a new sibling.So I am here if you need me.It is a living hell,it really is!


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## Jack5259 (Sep 20, 2011)

Hi All, 
I have unexplained infertility, and I find that really hard to deal with as there is nothing wrong apart from a slightly elevated FSH of 11.  My tubes are fine.  I have no children and worry I have left it too late, Im 35 and my husband is 37.  Im on the last IUI and then its IVF. 
I esepcailly dont get it when I hear of people having a child and then being unable to conceive for the next, I find that one baffling.  I know of someone who could not conceive for her first, had IVF, which was successful, and then went on to have her next two children natually.    I think sometimes IVF may kickstart the fertility??  It must be frustrating though for people not to be able to give their child a brother or a sister.  Our bodies are strange things.  I wish everyone luck on this forum.


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