# Do you think I'm crazy?



## prija (Apr 24, 2003)

Hi everyone,
I'm wondering if anybody can advise me. You can see from my history that I have 2 precious sons. Earlier this year we decided to give ICSI one final attempt. Unfortunately that resulted in a BFP but ectopic. When I had my ectopic, I was so ill that I vowed I would never go through IVF again. A few weeks later I woke up one day with a complete change of opinion, such is my desire to have another baby. I do actually feel selfish and guilty for saying that as I know how lucky I am. Anyway I have taken my first primolut tablet this morning and have been having sleepness nights and panicky feelings for a few days. I do want to do it, but I think it's maybe bringing all the trauma back to me. I would be grateful if any of you have any words to say. Good luck to you all!
Love Prija


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## GAC (Apr 5, 2006)

hi prija it is understandable u are feelin like this after what u have been through i guess its the fear of what if . I was the same as u i havent had a eptopic but  had a bad ivf experiance. i have ds from 2nd tx then when he was 6 decided we wanted another so we went ahead i got 32 eggs and was really ill went ahead with transfer but sadly didnt work .We said never again cos im high risk for ohss. BUT HERE WE ARE AGAIN 5TH AND FINAL TIME i felt very scared and confused i worried myself silly that things might go wrong but so far nothing has gone wrong have a chat with your consultant and good luck with everything gac xx


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## prija (Apr 24, 2003)

Hi there,
thankyou so much for your kind words. Just wanted to wish you all the very best luck in the world!
Love Prija


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## emma73 (Mar 30, 2004)

Hi Prija

your post has really struck a cord with me. Dont feel guilty about wanting another - and I can  so relate to your feeling panicky. I had my fist go at IVF in Feb/March 04 which resulted in a twin pregnancy. I went fine until I got to 23 weeks and then went into labour at 23 weeks and 5 days. It was horrific, my first son Zac died after only minutes, and even last night I cried myself to sleep after experiencing what I can only describe as flashbacks of my labour.   

BUT - I have since had two attempts at IVF for a sibling for my surving son Luke and has suffered panic attacks and anxiety each time. Unfortunately both attempts have been BFN's but I have felt it so important to try and work through this anxiety and panic as it is the ony way I can see of moving forward. To not try again due to past trauma is a bit like being stuck - if you know what I mean. God - I dont know if I'm making any sense - I've been at my mums for sunday dinner and had a glass of wine! I still feel anxious at the thought of another IVF treatment and thats because I worry about my not getting pregnant AND getting pregnant - BUT I'm still going to try again. I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel.

All the luck in the world

Emma xxxx


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## sush (Aug 14, 2006)

Hi Prija and Emma

I know to some extent how you both feel. Even thought I haven't had IVF , I got as far as admin meetings for IUI, I can really relate to those feelings of worry about not getting pg and also getting pg

Emma - I'm so sorry for the loss of baby Luke. I went into threatened labour at 22 weeks and I was terrified. I managed to hang on to ds until delivery at 38 weeks , but even so I used to get bad flashbacks of being in the ambulance and in hospital

I had an appt with my cons on Thurs and I started to feel anxious and wound up again, I think it was like returning to the scene of the crime - if you know what a mean. I also have high blood pressure which is an issue - made worse bad a case of 'white-coat-itis'
Its a good job my cons was wearing a suit on Thursday! 

Prima - that phrase 'bringing all the trauma back to me" ring such bells with me at the moment
I dont have any words to say really but I am sending you lots of hughs and bubbles

Take care

Suexxx


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## prija (Apr 24, 2003)

Hi Emma and Sush,
Thankyou so much for your kind words. Emma I am so sorry about your loss of baby Zac. I  feel guilty as compared to you I have gone through nothing. I am so sorry about your bad experience too Sush. I n a weird way, it's comforting to know that others understand how you feel. I am about to start sniffing and can't believe I'll be back on the rollercoaster next week. Take care and good luck to you all!
Love Prija


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