# BMS/DTD probs



## AuroraAngel (Dec 23, 2013)

Hi

I know this isn't something some people would want to discuss and haven't really seen any specific threads about it, but I'm going to raise it anyway as have no-one else to talk to....

I'm nearing the end of the 6 rounds of Clomid the NHS will let me have before going into self funded IVF if we don't get a BFP (which doesn't look likely).

However, DH and I are really struggling with BMS.  It feels very regimented, he is feeling the pressure and struggling to 'perform' (even though I'm really trying not to put any pressure on) and it just feels so far removed from what it should be.  We are always so tired and stressed (heavy going jobs along with the stress of TTC and the tests etc has an impact) and last night (and once last month and the month before) was a disaster and I honestly lay there feeling like I never wanted to DTD ever again as it's just so humiliating for both of us and so dissapointing and not remotely enjoyable.  We usually get to about 2-3 days of ok DTD when we get the red line on the OPK, but then he struggles after that and it feels like a chore for both of us and we struggle to make it happen. 

Anyone else felt like this or is it just us?  I feel crappy about it and so sorry for my poor DH  

I've read advice that says don't just do it at ovulation times, but to be honest we're too shattered and disillusioned to be doing it all month round.  

We used to use lubricant before TTC which always helped with DTD and have now tried Preeseed, but it seems to dry up and DH really doesn't like it and and never manages to DTD fully when we've used it so have given up on that.

I know we need to try not to stress ourselves and put pressure on about it as that'll make it worse, but it's so difficult - there's just this little window of opportunity and every time counts then and its hard to not be conscious of that. I know it's different for everyone, but any words of wisdom or just hearing that anyone else feels the same would make me feel a bit better as at the moment it feels like if we can't even do this, we're never going to manage to conceive and then I feel guilty as if it wasn't for my fertility probs I wouldn't be having to put DH through this pressure.  

Thanks


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## Orlinik28 (Jan 3, 2014)

Hi AuroraAngel

My husband and I are exactly the same, therefore, I'd be interested to see if anyone has any tips.

Only one friend knows that we are undergoing fertility treatment and she joking said 'well hubby must be loving all the BMS' and it was an awkward moment of explaining actually we only ever do it when we think I'm ovulating and it is really weird/stressful. Its no longer about being intimate but rather a means to an end. Not a great mood setter! 

I thought we were the only ones so it is at least reassuring to know other couples are experiencing the same difficulties.

x x x


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## AuroraAngel (Dec 23, 2013)

Hi Orlinik

Although I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like this too, I'm kind of glad it's not just us - makes me feel more normal!  Sounds exactly like our situation. 

I'm not sure there's any easy answer or way to stop it being like that, but i'm going to try to approach it differently next month.  Not sure how yet, but I guess earlier nights for a start, perhaps a weekend away or something.  I know we should prob do it at other times too, but to be honest, I just can't face it. 

Hope it gets easier...

Aurora
xxx


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## emyfraser (Mar 10, 2014)

Hi ladies

Can you/are you willing to take a month or two off of taking the Clomid?

I was going really nuts with it all myself - not enjoying the sex, feeling regimental, etc - and on top of it all I came up as not having immunity for Rubella so I needed to get my MMR jags again which means two months off of trying. At first I was devastated because it was ANOTHER delay, but when it came down to it those months were just what we needed. Having to use a condom was stupid, ironic, and probably highly unnecessary, but it meant that we did what we wanted to when we wanted to. 

Admittedly, at the end of those 2 months when we could start trying again I became a total mess because I was stressed about getting back into it, the emotional lows, etc. 

Honestly when people have told me to take a break in the past I got pretty ragey about it but the forced break really was fantastic. I absolutely recommend it!

Good luck!


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## AuroraAngel (Dec 23, 2013)

Hi Emy

I know what you're saying, but time is really not on my side!    We'll just see how the next month or so goes and then we'll prob need to have a break anyway while we prepare for IVF.  DH went to look on some forums himself to get some support from other guys, so I think that has helped a bit.

Hope it's all going ok for you and thanks for the support

x


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## Orlinik28 (Jan 3, 2014)

I've just finished my 7th cycle of Clomid (didn't ovulate on any of them!) and we have a meeting with the Consultant on Thursday to discuss the next steps. It will either be drilling or injections and both have a waiting list of about three months so we are just about to have a forced break.

I'm hoping you're right and it makes things feel a bit more normal.

Thanks for the advice/support and big hugs to all x x x


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## emyfraser (Mar 10, 2014)

The absolute last thing I wanted was a forced break. I was a wreck when I found out about the MMR jag and needing to take two months off. 
When it happened, though?  I spent two months eating the foods I feel too guilty to eat at other times, not worrying about drinking, not testing obsessively. It was like freaking freedom. 
I broke down at the end of the two months because I was terrified to have to go back to trying/testing/waiting/etc. 

If I hadn't been forced to take time out of trying, I never would have believed that it would help, but I really really do think it was great.


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