# Am I overreacting?



## trish_88 (Feb 4, 2013)

Hi Ladies.

Hope you are all well!

I don't know if I am posting this in the right part, but it has been playing on my mind for the last couple of days.

In work the other day, myself and 2 work colleagues were talking about risk assessments in the work place. One of the other ladies I work with, is 22 weeks pregnant, and she hasn't had a risk assessment done for her, and we were saying how the management need to have one in place for her.

One of the ladies I was talking to then stopped what she was saying, looked at me, and said, 'you should have had one too'. I wondered what she was talking about, so I asked her, and she said for the time I "*thought* I was Pregnant". I felt so hurt by this comment, because I didn't think I was, I was!! I MMC at 6 weeks, but our 1st round of ICSI had worked.

Do you think I am over reacting this comment, or not? Every little thing gets to me at the moment, and I felt like they were treating my IVF like it didn't happen.

Thanks Ladies

xx Trish xx


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## rosebud_05_99 (Apr 15, 2008)

hi

sorry you had that said to you, no you are not overreacting that was very hurtful, perhaps suggest you will introduce sensitivity training soon on how to not comment on other employees personal issues gggggrrrrrrr.

I also had 3 early miscarriages and they were babies , they did exist and they were lost to us. So sorry for your loss, and those of us on here do understand how tough that is and I hope it helped to post on here xx

rosebud


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## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

Trish

You are not overreacting at all, the person that said that to you is an ignorant, insensitive moron!

Don't let people like that get you down, you know you were pregnant and you don't need their validation.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Lots of love and hugs to you.

Pudding
X


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## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

No you are not overreacting; that comment was hurtful and unnecessary!

What on earth do you say to her or were you too shocked?


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## Jelliebabe (Jan 14, 2011)

No You're not overreacting! You were pregnant and you sadly lost it.  Its a shame that we don't often think quickly enough to put these people in their place...

However I would prescribe the least said soonest mended approach as she probably hasn't given it another thought... Silly lady...


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## Flips (Jul 12, 2012)

Not overreacting at all, she was careless and insensitive.  I'm sorry for your loss.


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## duckybun (Feb 14, 2012)

What an obnoxious cow bag! If I were you I would report it to HR, she shouldn't be allowed to get away with rig so totally insensitive. You were pregnant and you tragically miscarried, how dare she say anything other than offer her deepest sympathies. Huge hugs for your loss honey, *shakes head incredulously at the insensitivity of your callous colleague*

X
Ducky


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## mierran (Apr 24, 2009)

Of course you were pregnant.  You lost a baby. Just because it was early doesn't change that.

I have a similar story from my m/c. One of my bosses went round telling other staff members that I hadn't really been pregnant.  Great eh. 

He also told me that next time I'm wasn't to tell anyone till I reached 12 weeks. Given I needed time of work for ivf, and that my work involves a lot that is potentially dangerous to my baby such as xrays and drugs I had problems not laughing at him.

I also had some charming colleagues when I was pregnant moan about the fact I wouldn't lift things etc.

sadly, unless people have walked the road of IF, often they dont understand just how precious our babies are. It's not as if we can have a m/c and get pregnant the very next month.

But you will get there. Your little angel will watch over their little brother or sister. And every year you will still think about the baby you lost esp on your due date. 

Big hugs.

X x


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## Coolish (Jul 10, 2012)

No you are not over-reacting. She's a witch. You had an early miscarriage. Just because it was at 6 weeks doesn't change that. I can't believe how insensitive some people can be. So sorry for your loss xx


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## trish_88 (Feb 4, 2013)

Thank you ladies for your comments. Sorry it has taken a while to reply!

Hayden - I was too shocked to respond to it, and then my mind started working overtime, thinking, did she actually just say that? Then I started to think I was overreacting!

Duckybun -Unfortunately we don't have a HR. It's a poorly run company, and there is no one to turn to when comments are made like this. 

Mierran - How awful!!!! How can people say things like that? You're right though, other people do not understand, if they haven't been through what we have. 

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I'm sorry for all of you who have been through miscarriage too. Sending my love to you all! 

xx Trish xx


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## Dory10 (Aug 6, 2013)

Trish - As everyone else has said you definitely didn't over react.  You went through hell of a lot to get pregnant and then suffered the heartbreak of loosing that baby.  

Take Care
Dory
xxx


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## Louisej29 (Nov 19, 2012)

Trish

You most certainly did not overreact. It was your baby and you lost something so very precious.  Some people just do not understand and need to learn to think before they speak.  She needs a slap! 

We had our first miscarriage just five days before our wedding- I was 8 weeks. It was a terrible time. A "friend" said to me 2 days after my mc that I needed to get  a grip and pull myself together  as 
"at 8 weeks it's not a baby, it's just a few cells"

I was so upset and hurt that I told her not to attend my wedding , she didnt, and we haven't spoken since. 

Don't let other peoples comments upset you. You know you were pregnant and thats all that matters!

Lots of love xx


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## trish_88 (Feb 4, 2013)

Hi Dory. Thank you. I think it is harder for us ladies going through IVF, to lose a baby, because we know from day one, that there is a little baby growing in our tummy. I chose to talk to this lady throughout my whole process of IVF ICSI, and tell her step by step what me and DH were going through. She knew how difficult it was, and then to say 'we thought we were pregnant', was like she didn't take it seriously. I thought she would understand, but obviously not.

Louise - I can't believe your 'friend' said that to you!! That is awful! I bet you wished you could have given her a slap!! Some people are just so insensitive and heartless. Hope you are doing OK now 

xx Trish xx


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

I have one to beat that: my now ex-friend who has twin daughters naturally, told me to get a grip they are "only foetuses not babies" after I had to deliver my boys at 20 weeks!  You were pregnant Trish and it is a loss no matter however many weeks.  There is a huge amount of ignorance and misunderstanding surrounding infertility & IVF.  Put miscarriage in the mix and the ignorance is multiplied.
TC x


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## Louisej29 (Nov 19, 2012)

Tc.  That is just unbelievable.  Have these people no compassion.  What a b##ch!!!


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Exactly:  even those with children sometimes have no idea.  She was a Radiographer too so used of dealing with people in a healthcare setting
TC x


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## Dory10 (Aug 6, 2013)

The ignorance of people never fails to astound me!  I think there is a severe lack of education and understanding of IF, treatment and pregnancy loss.  However people should just know, as it is part of being human, that even if they don't fully understand the full ins and outs that it is incredibly insensitive to speak in such a way to anyone.

The minute those little embies begin to develop you love them, they are part of you.  After ET this love only continues to grow and strengthen as the days, weeks and months pass and to suffer the terrible loss of a baby (as that it was he or she is) at any stage is truly devastating.

Dory
xxx


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