# Not sure who to talk to...



## Amz2006 (May 12, 2009)

Hi Ladies,

I hope the is the right place to post, Our 2nd ICSI has just failed and we are totally heartbroken. My DH is wonderful and being very supportive, but he is worried about us carrying on with tx both financially and emotionally. We have decided to use the frosties we have in 1 last final attempt but to be honest we both already feel like it is all over for us, We just dont feel like we are lucky enough for it to work. I hate the person I have become...I dont want to be bitter and angry anymore, I dont want to feel like I am being punched in the chest when I hear that someone else is pregnant or see a little baby. I just dont want to be me anymore...

One day I feel like we can cope and I feel strong and try to be positive about a future without children but then other days like today I just get scared about the future. My friend has just given birth to her baby boy today and although somewhere inside me is a good friend trying to be happy for her I cant help but feel like we will never get our turn at being parents, I will never be able to call my Mum and tell her I am pregnant, never be able to decorate our nursery, never be rushed to hospital to deliver our little miracle, never proudly send out a text to everyone in my phonebook telling them we are new parents, and never get to hold that miracle in my arms and look at Our Baby.

I want this pain to stop but I just dont know how we decide if we are doing the right thing.

Sorry for the rant and feeling sorry for myself but today is a bad day   

xxx


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## charlie_44 (Jan 9, 2009)

Hi hun, I just wanted to send you some hugs     

You still have hope with those frosties, though I can totally understand why you feel the way you do.  This is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone and it's such a cruel journey.  Keep strong, hug each other alot and take your time in deciding what's best.

Wishing you lots of luck in whatever you decide.  

Charlie xx


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## jenny26 (Jan 22, 2009)

Hi Amz2006, 


So sorry that your having such a difficult time with this infertility malarky, its such an awful, emotional, overwhelming experience. Didn't want to read and run so thought I'd put my 2pence worth in. My husband and I have been trying to conceive naturally for about a year and a half and come under the banner of unexplained infertility. I recently had immune bloods done and it turns out that I have immune issues which are now being treated with steroids. Having looked at your history it could be an idea to have these done prior to having your FET to see if this is why your embryos aren't implanting and to give your remaining embryos the best chance possible. I know its really difficult especially when finances are added on top of all of the other stuff but your just so young and if it is something that can be easily treated with some extra drugs it may be worth a go.


I hope you hang in there and wish you lots of luck with whatever you decide to do.


Jen x


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## livity k (May 19, 2009)

Hi Amz2006,

I was reading your post and thinking the same as Jenny- maybe ask about any tests you can have to check no probs with implantation, 

I took steroids on my last FET and it worked, (3 cycles BFN before)

The other thing is that assuming you don't have a low egg reserve which I'm guessing you don't as you have frosties, at 25 you do have time, you might decide to stop treatment for a couple of years and rediscover fun things with your Dh and then pick it up again in a few years when financially things are better and you ahve had a proper break, I know this is far easier said than done if all around you friends are having babies, but lots of people aren;t having children till their 30's so you wouldn't be alone, 

My biggest worrry was becoming bitter and not like me and I had some counselling before my last attempt which really helped me, 

I also took from november till april/may between my last failed cycle and the one that worked and we had a holiday- got some sun and generally tried to relax a bit, failed treatments really take it out of you and I think a break can be good, 

good luck with whatever you decide, try to be kind to yourself and maybe think about taking a break rather than making final decisions,

Livity


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