# Looking to Start or Going Through Adoption Part 9 2005



## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

New home girls. I will catch up on my list and post it but have alot going on at home at the mo.

Karen x


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Girls

Time for a bit of a catch up.  I'll get the list done as soon as I can but probably will be next week now as we are off camping for the weekend and I have loads of work to do before then.

Cindy - glad to hear you've been having a nice time with family and visits to the sea.  how's your gorgeous little man?

Tracy - Don't worry about the one to one they are fine.  We anticipated that they might ask us to describe ourselves so we actually got each other to write 5 words to describe the other.  Our Sw thought this was great and we did both agree with the others assessment although they were written independently.

Caron - Hugs to you hun.  I am sorry its had to come to this must be a real blow for you and dh.  I hope you are able to move on quickly to whatever you decide.

Nat - you brought back childhood memories for me with your post.  My grandparents used to live in Lakenheath and used to take us to Pleasurewood Hills when we were little.

Fiona - From what others have said on here I would say there is every likelihood that the LA where you move to in the UK will get you to do it all again.  The only time I have known this not to happen is if people transfer to an LA that is in the same consortium group.  Good luck

LB - have you been to matching panel yet?  I thought it as this month.  How are things going with the match?

Well news from me.....  Went to court yesterday was listed for 10:15 with about a hundred other cases!  We sat and waited and finally went in at 11:35.  We had a long chat whilst we were waiting about all the issues and informally agreed a resolution before we went into court.  The person who came was my old SW who has been promoted so she knows us and the girls.  We were in there for 2 minutes and it is now agreed that the LA will have their papers in on 7th October.  Then we should get a court date about 6 weeks after that.

Things couldn't be happier at home at the moment.  Edlest has now been dry for a week (said to the SW would a child really do this if they weren't settled?) and we've only had 1 accident.  I am so produ of her, although not sure how many times a child can go for a wee in a day!!  Youngest is really developing her language skills and is now starting to copy the eldest, some signs of the terrible twos but not as bad as the eldest was.  She's also got this new trick of walking into the room and then just diving onto the floor.  She thinks its really funny.  We've also investd in dressing up box which gives them hours of fun and me too.  A couple of weeks ago they were dressed as fairies and were dancing to Bob the Builder in their new wellies!!! 

Hope everyone else is doing well.  Will catch up with evetything as soon as I can and post the list.

Karen x  (Bubbles to all!!)


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

Well...today is the day...

6months after our initial meeting with the agency we have our first prep course meeting tonight.  I am soooo excited I could burst.  Those six months have quite literally flown past and I am now wondering whatever happened to my intention to have read my way through the suggested reading list by now!  

I feel like I am actually 'doing' something about becoming a parent rather than just loooking towards it or hoping for it.  Unlike many of you, I have not have treatments for my infertility - long story but  essentially there is little hope of anything but donor egg surrogacy working for us.  So today feels like the start of a special 'treatment' journey for me.  mt best mate has her gynae/obs appointment for fertility treatment today too - so we are journeying together...different jouneys but the same destination.

Just wanted to say 'thank' you for all your support over the last six months.  I look forward to journeying with you for the next year or two ..or however long this journey will take for us.

Anyway...wish me well - not for tonight- but for a good day at work so that I get away from here on time and am not soo excited today that I don't meet my deadlines  !

Will let you all know how it went tomorrow.

Magenta xx


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Karen - Camping this weekend.....I am really envious!!   .....I have no dog sitter so am stuck at home. Sad really as we bought a new tent 2 weeks ago and although we have used it once...I made dh put it up in the garden when we first bought it, only to find that it was alot bigger than I remembered and it was too big!.
Hope you have a fab time.....
Great news on the court hearing too, they sure know how to make the butterflies take over dont they. Its also lovely to hear that the eldest is doing so well and that you are are on  .

Magenta - wishing all the very best for tonight, im sure you will love it!

Hi to everyone else.

Natxx


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi everyone,

Caron - So sorry to read your news.  Thinking of you both x

Karen - Your little girls and their dressing up made me smile.  Have a nice time camping.

Cindy - Nice to hear from you.

Magenta - Really hope you have a good time tonight, can't wait to hear about it!  

Hi to everyone else.

Laine x


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Hello

Not sure whether to dip my toe in the water or not...........

After a weekend of discussions and chats with Adam I have made my first phone call today to our local authority  

Spoke to a lovely, lovely social worker who is sending me through an information pack after which we have to write in to formally apply to be adoptive parents (does that sound right?) then it will go from there. Although we have had recently had tx, which she knows all about. She said they do treat each couple individually and she felt we have come along way in coming to terms all be it slowley, with our situation.

So we will see................. 

Love Lou xxxxx

Karen love the dressing up story


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

hi Lou, welcome to the adoption thread hun.

we had our second failed ivf in july last year and applied to adopt late october. we have now completed our home study and are waiting for the form F to be completed, our LA said they liked you to have not had tx for a year before they accept you but they looked at our case and decided we were ready  

good luck

pam xx


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Thanks Pam, so you sound similar to us   Congratulations on how far you have come, you must be getting excited now   

Told the social worker about my medical history with the spell of depression I had, main thing for the next 6 months is to sssslllooowwwlllleeeeyyyyyy come of the anti depressants I am still taking, although I am on a very very low dose now.

Yikes  

Love Lou xxxx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

you can do it Lou   just take it slowly like you said, remember we are all here willing you on  

pam xx


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

Hi Lou

we are at the same stage, we have had our tx and have a meeting in september to go to and then the SW said we could be on our prep course as early as OCt/Nov this year!  Would be great to keep in touch and support each other.

Karen - your little girls sound adorable and each time i read the stories on here i know more and more that adoption is the right thing for us.  

Magenta - good luck for tonight!


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Magenta - good luck for tonight.

Karen - well done on getting to court.  Great news that eldest dd is dry already.  Well done you.

All the best to everyone

Jenny


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Lou

Welcome.  It is lovely to see you here and hope that your journey brings you the happiness you and Adam are after.  You'll make a great Mum and I am sure the LA will see this too.

Karen x


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Alex and Karen,

Thank you so much.

Alex would be great to keep in touch with you. 

For the first time in a long, long time I have a slight spring in my step for a change. Have spent lunch at my Mums, with my sister and the boys being monsters, but very sweet ones at that   We all culred up on the sofa and watched Swallows and Amazons including the dog!

Off to Sainsburys to cook roast lamb and nice bottle of red tonight. Adam has been working his nuts off recently and is totally exhausted, little reward for him I think  

Love to everyone

Lou xxx


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

Welcome Lou!


Well...not feeling so happy now...thought I'd post as you might be able to share and tell me how to deal with it.

Best mate is back from her gynae appointment.  things are looking good and she is going to be on provera.  Consultant seemed very confident that it would work for her as the only problem appears to be lack of ovulation.  this is great news.  So why do i feel like crying?

  guess I always knew the time would come when she or one of my other friends would get pregnant and it is just a little reminder that I won't be joining them.  feeling a little sad about that as I just wish i could share in what looks like an amazing journey.  it seems as though we have been through so much together over the years - exams, nights out, degrees, first cars, first jobs, first homes, multiple carp blokes, first decent bloke, marriage and now it all ends cos they get to be pregnant and i I don't...ever.  It isn't like her wedding where she was planning and I wasn't engaged or when she got your car and I still hadn't passed my test....i knew I would catch up one day.  this is the one thing I can't do and it is really sinking in.  

Sorry to get pathetic but the fact that I am having a guffy day at work isn't helping my mood and all I can think of is that I want to be happy for her (and a big part of me is) but I just can't today.  today i need to be sad that it won't be me...i want to have a cry and feel sorry for myself cos my best mate is getting treatment that I can't get.  how pathetic is that...I can't even be wholeheartedly happy for her...I am such an awful mate.  

right now it bothers me that I don't get to be a 'mum to be' ...like going straight from girlfriend to wife without the joy and happiness of being a bride..

look...sorry to offload - just came as such a huge shock after being so happy this morning.  I mean..its not like she's pregant but it is just the fact that today her journey starts and mine stops as I go down another road.

thanks for 'listening' I actually feel better just having written it down.

magenta x


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## Mel (Jan 1, 2002)

I just wanted to pop on and say i have just caught up with your news Lou and i wish you lots and lots of luck.

Look forward to hearing all about your journey.

Mel
x x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

magenta   i'm sure what you are feeling is very normal hun (otherwise i'm not normal) i too get sad that i will never be pg and it is awfull sometimes when everyone around you is getting pg, you are not a bad person you haven't said you don't want your friend to have a baby just that you want to be there experiencing pregnancy along side her. it's ok to be sad, let it all out and have a good cry over the years i'm sure there will be many times we will fel sad that we couldn't experience pregnancy but it wont mean we love our adopted babies any less or would change the way things have worked out.

i hope this makes some sort of sense  

pam xx


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## Mum to a gorgeous cherub (Jan 3, 2004)

Hi girls

Iam also a newbie!

I have been in contact with serveral LA's and a couple of voluntary agencies. I have been recommended the Catholic Childrens Society which cover my area. Lou not sure if you would be interested in them they cover the Brighton area, I think you are from that area. I have just joined adoption uk which have provdided me with lots of usefull information. They provide you with a list of contacts in your area. They lady I contacted recommended the catholic society (you don't have to be catholic) she adopted 5 1/2 month old twins four yours ago.

We are trying to decide which agency/authority to go with! LA's seem so short staffed.....

Karen great news re your eldest, enjoy the camping.

Lou, would be great to share information on our new journey. Good luck.

Alex, Oct/Nov for prep course sounds great. Everyone I have spoken to has indicated this is going to be a fairly long journey, think it is also going to be quite bumpy!

Laine, any news on the medical? Iam sure all will be fine.

Nats, sounds like you going to have a busy weekend lookiing after twins, how old are they?

Hi, to everyone else look forward to getting to know you.

Love
Hayley xx


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## Mum to a gorgeous cherub (Jan 3, 2004)

Sorry forgot to send Magenta a big hig    

Your feels are perfectly normal.
There isn't a day that goes by without me feeling sad that I will never see what our baby would look like. 


Boo Hoo I have only got 1 bubble!!

Love
Hayley xx


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Magenta hugs coming yoru way too. What you are feeling is totally understandable. I think we would all be lying if we said we dont/wont have those feeling. xxxx

Hayley, funnily enough I was only reading about the Catholic Society this morning in a load of stuff BAFF had sent us. May give them a call. How does this all work then? Once you are approved adoptive parents can you contact other agencies or is it only the agency you are signed up to?? I have a lot to learn! Yes are a near the Brighton area, I was very much put off Brighton and Hove authority by someone I know. Nightmare story. We have contact West Sussex Authority which is the county we live in anyway.

Love to eveyone again

Love Lou xxxx


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## Mum to a gorgeous cherub (Jan 3, 2004)

Hi Lou

The Catholic society work with Local Authorities throughout the Uk, Be my parent and Adoption uk. Yes once you are approved you can apply for children, although iam sure they work very hard to match you. As they are a voluntary organisation they charge lA's to place children with there approved adopters. It is a tough decision to make. I feel we will be approved much quicker using an agency but they don't have children to place....

I found my LA very unhelpfull. Most LA's will not place children in there own area so are quite often looking to approve people who live outside there area, it has to be within a 50 mile radius tho.

The lady that recommended the catholic society said they were extremely efficient. I have some telephone numbers for east and west sussex which have been provided by adoption uk. They may have some knowledge of la's/ agencys in your area. I can email them to you if you would like. 

Love
Hayley xx


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## Pilchardcat (Feb 1, 2003)

Just nipping in.....Lou, what a wonderful post to read from you, adoption...exciting  !  Can I just say I wish everyone in here their dream come true through adoption...and to Lou & Adam I'm keeping everything crossed for you both on this journey hun 

Loadsa love
Amanda xxx


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## *Kim* (May 5, 2002)

Hi Lou

I noticed your post earlier and just wanted to say that i really do hope this woprks out for you. Wishing you lots of luck.

Lots of luck to everyone on this thread.

Love Kimx  x x x


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## g (Aug 2, 2004)

Dear all,

I thought I'd post on this thread as I was wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom for us.

First of all Lou good luck with your journey to motherhood ,my heart goes out to you.

I had 3 miscarriages a few years ago . I then had problems conceiving and did 4 IUIs, all were negative. Out of the blue I fell pregnant a few months ago but sadly miscarried again at 6 weeks. I am a carrier of Factor V Leiden and so my blood clots too easily .I took Heparin when I was pregnant but still miscarried.

Dh and I now feel that we are at a crossroads.
Do we carry on with treatment knowing that if I get pregnant I may miscarry? 
Do we go on to IVF with possibly the same outcome?

DH is now keen to adopt and I feel that this could be the best way forward for us.

Is it always a difficult decision to go for adotion or do people tend to know deep down when it is the right decision for them?

Are we too old to adopt a toddler at 40?

I've so many questions.

Luv from g.


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Just popped on, cos I have noticed Lou is starting the adoption route  

Wishing you and Adam so much luck, you will make fab parents 

Love and hugs to all
Jo
x x x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Dear g

Welcome to his part of the site - you'll be made to feel very welcome, make lots of new friends & will be given help and support if you need it.

I've adopted 2 children & compared to some I'm an old hand at it but I still find this site really helpful & supportive.

Sorry to hear your sad news about your miscarriages. (sending you a hug)

You will know in your hearts of hearts if the adoption route is the best way forward for yourselves.  You'll read many a message from people saying they felt human again once they had got of the emotional rollercoaster of trying to conceive a child of their own.

Ask as many questions as you would like, if any of us can help you then we will.  Karen the moderator for this site is very good at answering questions, she always has some good advice!

Wishing you lots of love, luck & happiness as you start your new journey.

Love
Andrea


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## Dee (Jan 27, 2003)

Dear Lou

Great to see you posting!  

I'm so pleased you and Adam have taken the next step on your route to becoming a Mum and Dad.  It's fabulous to read about that spring returning to your step.

Wishing you both heaps of love and luck
Dee
xxx


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

Dear Lou 

Just wanted to pop by and wish you loads of luck with the adoption route.  I feel sure that this will bring you and Adam your dream.  

Love 

Jayne x


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Thank you to all of you for your good wishes  

My roast lamb and bottle of wine didnt go according to plan...........................  forgot Adam had football so roast potoatoes in oven and gonna be a late din dins         

Love to everyone

Lou xxxx


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## Hope 2 B (Mar 26, 2003)

Dear Lou .......

Just wanted to wish you loads of luck for your journey to get your children !! ........

Really pleased for you

Love GailXXXXXXX


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Girls

I'm online a bit earlier tonight so I can do a proper post   

Lou, welcome to the site, I'm glad to hear that starting this journey has already put a spring in your step and hopefully things will only get better.  Wishing you the best of luck on the rest of the road.

Karen, sorry to hear of the frustration of the court appearance.  Hopefully they will realise you are right and unhappy girls don't whizz through their potty training.  Loved the story of the dressing up box, I must admit that's the sort of thing I miss by having a boy.  Enjoy the camping.

Caron, sorry to hear your news, my thoughts are with you.

Magenta, I think we all know where you're coming from.  My DH and I were having a philosophical discussion the other night about happiness.  I'm really happy with my family but I said that what would make me happier would be winning lots of money (so I didn't have to work and could always go somewhere sunny  ) and finding out I was pg.  I think until I reach menopause I will always have a tiny part of me that will always wish that I could have given birth to my husband's child.  It does not lessen my love for my son, it is just something extra in the same way that loving a second child is extra.  I think until you have a family of your own it is still very easy to feel envious of other people and only natural.  I hope things went well for you tonight and that you will soon speed through your journey.

G, welcome to the thread.  I think the decision is different for everybody.  In my case I had also had lost a baby at 40 and realised that being older the risks of m/c would always be greater.  Generally I think most authorities have a 40 year age gap between you and the child as a rough guideline so there is always the chance of adopting a toddler.  Whatever you decide to do I wish you luck.

Hayley, welcome also.  You are right it can be a bumpy journey but from my own experience it is worth it.  Best of luck with your own journey.

We've had my sisters' 3 children visiting for a few days so we've been very busy entertaining them.  I think I must have been very naive when I used to dream of having a large family because 4 children is not easy although it has been fun.  XXXXX has loved having them around although he has been showing off a bit and we have had a few reversals in behaviour.  There was some food throwing at tea times and once when Lee and my nephew were play fighting, XXXXX got agitated and bit my nephew on the hand hard enough to draw blood   .  We thought we'd got the biting thing out of his system but in his defence he only did it to protect his Dad and he rarely does it now.  Because he's quite a mature looking child everybody thinks he's over 2 but we have to remind ourselves he's still only a baby at 20 months and it will be easier to deal with him when he's older (won't it).  Unfortunately he can be a bit rough although in an affectionate manner.  His favourite way of saying hello is by slapping someone or by grabbing them around the waist.  He managed to make 7 children cry at the Wacky Warhouse whilst we are on holiday.  We are trying to train him to be gentle but it's not a completely successful thing at the moment and it's so difficult as he does all this behaviour with a big grin thinking that it's funny.  Hopefully it will become easier when he can talk.  Unfortunatley he mixed with a lot of older children at his foster home and I think their favourite game was rough and tumble so we've got some early conditioning to get out of his system.  On the plus side we have taught him kissing (I don't think he was used to it before) and hugs and now he can say please (well if we ask him to   ).  This parenting thing is nothing if not entertaining. 

Better go, I told my hubby I'd join him in bed 10 minutes ago, although after 3 days with 4 kids the only thing he's getting is sleep.   

love to all 
Cindy


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hiya g and welcome!

Sorry to hear of your trouble and sad losses.

We had treatment because my dh is azoospermic (nil sperm) and following a year of emotional ups and downs we discovered that I have virtually a nil chance of conceiving either naturally or otherwise. That's when the clinic advised us against another attempt. I was devastated. My whole world crumbled. But we had to take on board the advice that was being offered and realised that not only were our chances less than 5%, I would've been putting my own health at risk with another cycle. 
It was tough going at first, because really the decision to quit was taken out of our hands. But thinking about it realistically, how long can anyone go on putting themselves through it when there are no guarantees.

We looked into adoption and although I was still unsure, I soon realised that having a family was miles more important than giving birth.
And the relief when you make the decision is wonderful. Scary, but wonderful!
We've found that the adoption process, although seems daunting at first, is far less stressful than the IVF route, and I think that's mainly because you get to finally see a future at the end of the dream. There's numerous meetings and visits and forms to fill in, and sometimes is quite intense, but inbetween you're able to get back into normal life again, which somehow with treatment, I never quite managed.

I can't see there being an issue over age personally, but you'd have to ask your authority. Everywhere has differing polices.
At almost 30, we were by far the youngest couple going through the process at the time and at least 2 other (older) couples we met were after the same age-group we were. 

We've been blessed with a beautiful baby girl - well she's almost 2 now but we wouldn't swap her for the world!
Looking back, if I had the chance to re-live the last 5 years, I'd do it all again, I've no regrets. And I know that if things had turned out differently I wouldn't have my daughter - and that doesn't bear thinking about.

Best of luck, you will know deep down, even if you need that nudge! when the time will be right to move on. But it will be worth it!

Please keep us informed

(()) xxx


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Just wanted to welcome Lou to our thread....and wishing you both all the best....

G - Sorry to hear of your losses, I too  have had one myself and it was a tough time to overcome. Again its coming round the the anniversary and I often think about things. Having said that, I cant change what has happened and ffel that I have wonderful path to follow...now just waiting for a match!

Hi to everyone else.... 

Natxxx


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

Hi everyone!

Well...preparation course meeting went really well.  I went home from work and had a long hot bath to clear my head and move on from being a grump in the afternoon - just kept focussing on the thought that babies are only babies for a year or so but a child is a child for life.  thanks for all your lovely messages.

I was surprised how many people were only the course - I reckon there were 8 or 9 couples and a single adopter and there were name badges left for at least one other couple . I assumed there would only be 4 or 5 couples there.  It seems adoption is far more popular than I thought.

We covered a lot of ground but it ddn't seem rushed at all.  We covered why children come into care, what they might be feeling and what behaviours they might exhibit; names and the importance of retaining your child's birth name; adoption myths, the adoption triangle; challenging behaviours and why; what we had to offer and then we met with a foster mum who shared stories about the children she has cared for over the years.

So...a full evening and a lot to get my head around.  We got a video and course pack to look at before next week so will try and do some reading tonight before we go away for the weekend.  

magenta x


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Hi magenta

So glad to hear that you enjoyed the prep gorup, the first day my head was buzzing and I just wanted to go to sleep!!...but it gets easier and then the fun games and playrolling starts!
We had 6 couple and one single on our group, although one couple pulled out after the first session..

Anyway, roll on next week!  

Natxx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Magenta

Glad your first prep day went well.

We only had 2 couples on our first lot of prep courses but it was just as exciting, exhausting, fun - you name it.

Just think another step towards becoming parents.

I think you summed up beautifully about " a baby is only a bay for a year or so, a child is for life" - well said!!!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Sue MJ (May 4, 2002)

Lou,

Sorry, a bit behind here and just noticed you've posted some fabby news!

Just know you and Adam are going to make the most loving mummy and daddy to a/some very special child/ren!

Well done on taking this next very brave step.  It's lovely to read posts of yours with some real hope and your sparkle coming through.

Love,

Sue, Dion and Iestyn xxxx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

hi all
welcome to the other newbies, there seems to be a few of us just starting out now, and some faces i recognise too, old IUI buddies, and Lou - remember me - you were kind enough to send those newspaper clippings back in April...
i havent been posting here since i first dipped my toe in cos i've had nothing to report! I've been busy reading up and getting the process straight in my head and phoning round surrounding counties and LA's and finding none  that will take you if you're not in their county.
today i've chatted again to my  LA and had a really lengthy talk to the duty social worker who was much more approachable than when i first rang. i asked about waiting for a year after txt as is their policy and if there was any way of getting round it, as i really think we are ready to get  moving. after lots of questions,  she agreed that we could go to the next open evening in Oct, where we will have an interview followed by a home visit. if its felt we are ready then we will be able to start on the next prep course, or the one after (they have them every 2 months) if they feel we are not then we will be asked to wait a bit longer. its a start, and really feel we have made a big step YAY  i have a close friend who adopted a couple of years ago and we have had a really buzzy afternoon talking about it all, she has been a huge help and influence on me and will continue to be so....

magenta - sorry to hear about your wobble, but guess theres always gonna be little ups and downs like that where we are reminded of what might have been. i dont think you would be normal if it didnt affect you  lovely to hear about the prep course....keep the info coming 

kj x


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

Hiya
KJ i think i recognise you from the the IUI thread,
sounds like we are on the same timescale, i spoke to our LA in Jan and they told us to wait a bit, i then called them 4 weeks ago, told them we had tx recently but had come to terms with our situation etc and they were happy to put us on meeting in September which is 3 weeks time!! I think if you put pressure on them enought they will look at each case individually.  I too have a ghood friend who has adoipted 2 kids and spoke to her at length about it all and she got her SW who she dealt with to speak to me and she was great.

Its so nice to read others experiences and like someone said, although its hard work you will have a child at the end of it all, unlike IVF/IUI etc.

Im sure Karen and the others will get fed up with our questions as the months progress


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

hiya Alex  fellow IUIer 

i know what you mean, i feel like i did back when we started txt, feeling like it was all really complicated and not knowing where to turn, and asking daft questions but knowing there would someone on here who knew the answer. I'm already feeling miles more confident about the process than a couple of weeks ago 

i saw you were after books to read - i have read Ann Morris ages ago and dh is reading it now. i also just got a book from the library called 'Considering Adoption?' by Sarah Biggs which i have just finished and highly recommend. its an easy read and gives you lots to think about....

nice to have some buddies at the same stage  

kj x


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

tHANKS for the book advice KJ, i got the ann morris one last week and read it in two days, got really engrossed in it, DH works away so has taken it with him and been reading bits and came home tonight really enthused about the stories he read!!


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Welcome Lou  - so pleased to see your news - wishing you good luck and looking forward to following your journey XX

We are going to matching panel on the 31st of this month - we shall meet our girls on the 8th September - wow not long to wait - ticking each day off the calendar 

Cindy - you sound so happy and so mummyish -   - it's just great to read your posts!

Karen - enjoy your break - great news about the court keeping my fingers crossed that it all goes smoothly and you have no more delays - mmmmmm and i bet you are enjoying all these dressing up games - sounds great fun 

good luck everyone
LB
X


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

LB

CONGRATULATIONS on your match to your little girls - the days will just fly by, you must be so excited!  

Enjoy your time as much as you can at this moment in time, try to relax & save some energy as you will need it once you start introductions.

So pleased for you.

Sending you a big hug & lots of bubbles! 

Love 
Andrea
xx


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## g (Aug 2, 2004)

Hi there,

Thank you for all your advice. Obviously we are still talking it over and will be for quite some time.
Today we got a set of leaflets through from our local authority and an invite to a information meeting/ initial interview. Does anyone know what this entails ?

Looking at some posts I see talk of 'Life Story Folders' . Can anyone tell me more about these?


  My thoughts are with you all. good luck.

    Luv,
          g.


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Hi everyone....

Just wanted to wish you all a lovely bank holiday...
Hope you do lots of fun things, or have a nice rest..   

Natxxxx


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## Mum to a gorgeous cherub (Jan 3, 2004)

Hi Nats

Hope you also have a good 1.

Whats happened to your bubbles -485!!!!!

Love
Hayley x


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

I think I have been punished....I have been blowing people all day...!! and this is what I get..!!

I think its because I mentioned the Big Man....Tony?!
  

!!


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi everyone,

G - Welcome to the thread.  So sorry to hear about your m/c's.  Wishing you luck with your adoption journey.  BTW I'm 41 and hoping to adopt a toddler, so hopefully you will be able to as well.

Hayley - Welcome to you too.  I look forward to getting to know you and following your journey.

Lou - Well what can I say matey!  Great news!  I feel thrilled for you and Adam and will be with you all the way. 

LB - Not long to go, I feel excited for you and can't wait to hear all your news.

Magenta - Thanks for sharing your news about the prep course.  Glad you enjoyed it.

Ever & Cindy - Nice to hear about your little ones.

Nats - I take it you like bubbles then?  

Hi to everyone else.  No news to report from this end.  Will be chasing the sw for my medical results next week.

Nothing much planned for the bank holdiay.  Justin is playing golf tomorrow, we are off to my parents for lunch on Sunday and I will be doing some gardening and crafts.

Laine x


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi G, our process worked slightly differently but these sort of meetings normally give you a few more facts on the adoption process, how it works, the type of children that the LA place.  The interview part is just to get some initial information on yourselves and why you have decided to take the adoption route.  Whatever you decide to do, hope things go well for you.  The Life Story book is for the adopted child and basically tells them with words and photos about their life before they came to live with their adoptive parents.

LB, great news about the matching date, just think less than 2 weeks and you get to meet your little girls.  Sorry, but I still can't remember their ages, how old are they?  Andrea is right, make the most of these last few days because after this it's going to be HECTIC!!  

Not very exciting but we're going to spend the weekend doing domestic chores.  We've had some good news (hopefully) as the house with the large garden that we wanted to buy 2 months ago but it sold to someone else is back on the market again.  So we now have a For Sale sign in our garden again and am trying to keep the house as tidy as possible.  Trying being the operative word when you have a toddler.

Hope everyone else has a more interesting and enjoyable BH.

love
Cindy


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## Cindy (Jun 21, 2004)

Hi everyone
hope you don't mind me posting, we have been ttc for six years, and have now like g come too a crossroads, the other week we had an informal meeting with a social worker who went through how everything works, and we now have been sent the forms, DH is 100% for adoption and I am 95%, don't know why I suppose some hope that we could still have a child, we was considering IVF but think it will be too stressful if it unsucesssful.
Just wandered if any of you still think about carrying a child of your own?
Like the social worker said part of the process is to check you are over not having a child of your own, but does anyone?
Thanks girls
I usually post on the IUI thread but maybe can join you
thanks
Cindyxxxxxxxxx


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## Ann (Mar 21, 2002)

Hi Everyone,

This is just a quick post as I am supposed to be unpacking!! DH has taken the girls to his mum and dads so I can get on in peace!
We had a fantastic time in Canada and the girls were amazing on the plane both ways - hardly any jet lag going and last night they went to bed at 6 and we had to wake them today at 12.30 if it stays that way they can have all of the jet lag they like this week  
We had a lovely present waiting for us on our return - a letter from the courts to say that our hearing is this Wednesday 31st August when the girls will officially become ours - glad we don't have to wait too long.
Will try and catch up with everybody's news in the week once I have recovered and got the house back into some order!!!!!
Hope you all have a great bank holiday weekend - it is my birthday tomorrow so I am looking forward to some pampering.

Lots of love Ann xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Ann

Glad you had a fanstatic time, you sound as though you've all had fun & What lovely news to come back to.

Enjoy your birthday tomorrow, will this be your first as a Mummy?

With love & best wishes for a very happy birthday

Andrea
xx


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Just a quick one, our internet access has been down last 5 days, not much to report from here, been on the beach all weekend and looking very sunkissed, whoops!!

Had all our stuff through from local authority, looks very good and very encouraging, started lowering the anti d's and feel OK so far...
not going to do anything else until I contact the catholic society who I have been recommend to now by quite a few people. Then will make a decision who to go with.

Still feeling very positive about everything and quite relieved we have made this decision.

Love to everyone

Lou xx xx


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## Mum to a gorgeous cherub (Jan 3, 2004)

Hi Lou

Great to hear you are lowering your anti depressants, well done you.

Sounds like you have had other people recommend the catholic society. Can i ask did they take long to be matched?

Not much to report here either. We have a couple of meetings arranged with a LA's and are waiting to arrange a meeting with the catholic society. Hoping we will be able to make our decision between LA and voluntary agencies after we have met face to face!!

Hope everyone has been out enjoying the sun.

Love
Hayley xx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Girls

Had a great weekend away although I forgot to get Rich to apply my sun cream to my back and now have blisters - ouch.  At least I was more concerned with the girls who were doused in factor 30.

Ann - Fabulous news, good luck for tomorrow.  Glad you had a nice time in Canada.

Cindy - Good luck with the house, hope you get some interest so you can get the house of your dreams.

LB - Good luck for panel

Hi to everyone else, just a quick catch up for now as I need to finish unpacking and get some more washing on before the girls wake.

Bye for now
Karen x


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi all,

it's taken me ages to ctach up on all that's been happening while I was away. we had a really great holiday and our 3 months are nearly up now so the week after next we can start chasing up things. My BMP arrived this morning so had a quick look over breakfast, but will wait till next week before makng any phone calls.

I hope everyone is well,
XRuth.


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## Dee (Jan 27, 2003)

Hi Girls

Just wanted to pop in to wish LB and her DH heaps and heaps of love and luck for their matching panel tomorrow.

Will be thinking of you, hun!  This is it ... you are going to be one fabulous Mummy at last!

Loads of love
Dee and Freddie
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Hello

quick update, off to the beach again with friend and kiddies  

Just spoken to the catholic society.......now I really dont know what to do. Amazingly we have been offered a place on their prep course for the 16th Sept, we would of course have a social worker come round first, but not much time is there?? I think it would be a bit rushed, aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr  

Crikey dont know who to go with. Think we need to meet them first.

Good Luck LB, thinking of you all  

Love Lou xxx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Go with it Lou - it's fate!!!!

(that's what I believe!)


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Hey Superal....

Glad to see that you can manage to venture away from....   gang!!

xxx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Of course I can Nats!

My main priority is always you lovely people on this thread but the Bubbles have been getting to me!


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Lou

Go for it, as Andrea said this could be your fate and destiny.  Go with what you and Adam feel is best.  Hope you have a lovely day at the beach.

Love
Karen x


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

Well we have been confirmed for our first meeting next week!!! So excited, i know its only an info session but by the end of Sep we will know whether this is the route we want to take.

Doing a dry run of clomid this month to see if it makes me ovulate and if i dont get a good progesterone result from this then will def forge ahead with the adoption and not bother having one last attempt.

Lou - thats great news about the catholic society, i spoke to the Clifton one about 9 months ago and they were really friendly and helpful.  Fate is an amazing thing........


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi everyone,

Cindyp -Hope you can secure the house of your dreams.

Cindy -Welcome to the thread.  I would go along to the open evening, as you will find out lots of info to help you decide.  Let us know how you get on.

Ann - Glad you enjoyed Canada. Good luck for today.

LB - Thinking of you, hoping today goes o.k.

Karen - Sunburn is nasty, how are the blisters?

Lou - You know what I would do...go for it!  Nothing to lose, everything to gain x

Alex - Hope the meeting helps in your decision.

Nothing to report here.  Going to chase the sw for my results tomorrow.

Laine x


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

Hi Laine

can i ask how you got your medical so quick - was there a cancellation??

Its great to read all these posts although there does not seem any sort of average timescale for things to happen in, it just happens slower or quicker it depends on your SW and the LA.

Someone said something very positive a while back in that at least this way you know you will be parents at the end of it all unlike other tx options.

Cant wait to read more of your experiences. xx


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## Dee (Jan 27, 2003)

Lou,

Follow your heart!  

Love
Dee
xxx


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## Dee (Jan 27, 2003)

LB,

Been thinking about you loads today.
Hope everything went well and the bestest match ever was made!

Love
Dee
xxx


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## yonny (Mar 5, 2005)

Hi there,
May I join you?

TTc for over 3 yrs and due to MF we are starting down the ICSI route for one try only. 
We are both 40 and have come to the decision that if this doesnt work then we will go down the road to adoption.
With this in mind we are going to a local open evening next thursday to get to know a little more about the whole process.
I would love to be able to follow both paths but as we all know they prefer us to have 'gotten over' our desire to conceive!!!!

Who knows, if I am lucky enough to have the ICSI work then perhaps I will 
also be lucky enough to be allowed to adopt afterwards as well!!!!!

I like to read of everything you are all going through and although I have nothing really to add at the moment I hope you dont mind me popping on and off to see how youare all doing from time to time!

bye for now

Yonny x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

yonny

Welcome to the thread! 

I hope you find what you are looking for...........most of us on this thread knew that once we'd got off the emotional rollercoaster of "conceiving" & started our adoption journey, we knew it was right for us & felt a wave of relief wash over us.

I hope you find your information evening informative & like you say who knows what may happen.....none of us know what's around the corner, I'm just a big believer in fate.  

I'll look forward to reading & sharing your journey.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## yonny (Mar 5, 2005)

Thats very sweet of you Andrea, thanks for taking the time to reply!!
Ill keep you posted along the way of all that happens!
xx


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Hi everyone

just to let you all know that we were matched yesterday and all being well - we will meet the girls next Thursday - mmmm totally excited now!

i finish work tomorrow which will take some getting used to but dh and i are saying

LET THE FUN BEGIN  

good luck to everyone

LB
X


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

CONGRATULATIONS LB!

It's so nice to hear when things are going so well for all the lovely people on this site.

My DD starts school on Monday & although I am excited and know she has to start school sooner rather than later..........I have to be honest and say I'm dreading it.......I'll really miss her.

Hope everyone else is OK!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

CONGRATULATIONS LB!!! 


you must be soooo excited!  Are you allowed to tell us anything about the girls....like how old or anything....you probably have already but I've forgotten.

xxruth


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

LB & Dh,

Congratulations to you both! How exciting for you, can't wait to hear all about it.










Laine xxx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

congratulations LB & DH i'm soooooo excited for you hun

pam xx


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## Mum to a gorgeous cherub (Jan 3, 2004)

Yay!!     

    Well done LB, love to hear all about YOUR girls.......

Hayley xx


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

LB - what fantastic news - you must be so excited, i'd be running around the house like a mad cow if i were you!!!!

Let us know the details.


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

wow LB great news 

betcha wont be able to sleep all this coming week.

feel all tingly for you...

kj x


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

hey lb that is such exciting news.
can I ask everyone how much notice they had to give at work when taking adoption leave, and how they co-ordinated that with the often quite short period of time between panel match and visits starting?
only asking as I am a teacher, and I think its 28 days I have to give, but my sw is keen for it to be less and the headteacher keen for it to be more.... I will know what my rights are and stick to them in terms of employment contract, but just wondered how other professionals who have adopted went about it?

also- we were recomended the catholic childrens society as their post adoption support is supposed to be excellent, and yes they would have processed us "quicker" (they often start the home study and fit the prep course days in along the way). But we decided it wasn't for us- they place the "hard to place" children (LAs have to pay them a fee) similar to what is in BMP. Nothing wrong with that, but we felt happy to wait and go through the local authority.

One of the advantages would be if you were catholic, as they do occasionally get babies with requests that they go to a Catholic adoptive family. I know they had some involvement or interest in concurrent planning in east sussex a year or two ago because they wanted us to consider it.
best of luck whatever decision you make.
kylie
xx


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## Dee (Jan 27, 2003)

Hi LB!!!!

Mate ... that just has to be some of the bestest ever news!  
You've done it!!!!
Your over the rainbow!!!!!!!!!!

I am so so delighted for you and hubby!  You are going to be on flippin fantatsic mummy ... Brownies here she comes!!!!!!!!!!  

Roll on next Thursday ... will try and speak to you before then but I have to work 4 days next week  

Loads and loads of love and hugs
Dee, O and Freddie
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS - I can't wait to meet the girls ... and if I am this excited how the heck are you going to stay calm until next Thursday?


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## *Kim* (May 5, 2002)

LB

This is absolutely brilliant news will definately be in touch very soon. Am, so very pleased for you they are 2 very lucky girls and are going to have a brilliant life with you two sorry 3 must'nt forget Ruby 

Roll on thursday.

love Kim x x x x


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

LB
This is fantastic news !!! 

You are going to make wonderful parents, so chuffed for you.

Dreams do come true  

Love Jo
x x x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Boomerang Girl

When we were told that we'd been matched on paper, we had to wait for a date for the panel hearing. Until this date came through we couldn't tell our employers.
Once we had the panel date, we were advised that a planning meeting and introductions would start within a week. At this point I gave my notice (which for me was a month) but added that this would be subject to confirmation on the panel day.

It worked out that I took "panel day" as a day's holiday, and then the start of the introductions (which was a few days later) I took a 2 week holiday, so as not to eat into my adoption leave. I was lucky that I had extra holiday days to use up.

I guess the best thing to do is to give all the facts to your employers as to the uncertainty of dates. You'll need to ask and get as much info from your sw as possible. And if need be, your sw should be able to write a letter to your employer explaining the way things work and timescales etc.

I'm not a professional, just a clerical worker, but my employers are from the stone age and have never come across maternity leave, let alone adoption before! So you can imagine. I just outlined to them all the info I had, and told them that I would be working inbetween as and when I could, and would give as much notice as possible when the time came. As it happened, they just had to put up with it, because they know my rights as an employee.

I'll just warn you the leave time, flys by. Mine is half way through already and I'm not sure where it's gone. So when you imagine having 6 months, as being absolutely ages off work, it's not!
Very worthwhile and enjoyable though!

Good luck


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

LB - CONGRATULATIONS!!!!    

That's fab news. You must be sooo excited, I remember that feeling all too well!

Enjoy your meeting, it's a memorable day!

Best of luck, keep us informed xx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

LB

Congratulations to you and dh.  Can't wait to hear more about your first meeting with the girls.  Can you give us anymmroe info i.e ages?

Enjoy next week and have a lovely happy family future

Love
Karen, Rich and the girls xxxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Kylie

In terms of time off work, you give them as much notice as possible but no less than 7 days, unlike maternity you don't have a due date and it is very much dependent upon the timing of court and/or panel dates.

Here's the link from the tiger employment website

http://www.tiger.gov.uk/adoption/employer/full_adoption/notification.htm

I roughly knew what time schedules I was working to about 1 month in advance but had been matched for about 6 weeks prior to that so my employers had plenty of notice. I am an HR manager for a Police Force so can empathise on the professional dilemma. I had ensured how my role would be covered when we were approved at panel and started to write guidance notes and procedures long before (was a good job done anyway!) so when the time came I didn't really need to do much of a handover, but just had a manic few weeks before hand trying to tie up loads of loose ends. Like Ever I had saved some annual leave and also had about 11 weeks of time owed so used 7 of this as part of my leave and the remainder to support me working part time until 26th Sept (I went back in July).

Good luck
Karen x


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Hi
Firstly a huge congrats to LB and dh......   
Im sure are both over the moon...Im sure that youy will be a happy family very soon and wishing all the very best!!  

Hi to Yonny, of course hoping your IVF works out but if not then you are very welcome to come and join us!!....

To everyone else, hope you are ok...must dash as I have the chiropractor in a little while and then only working half day as we are off camping to a VW festival for the weekend!!

Natsxxxxxx


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## Mel (Jan 1, 2002)

LB

Fabby news 

Looking forward to hearing all about next weeks visit to see the girls.

Mel
x x


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

LB -    

Ohhh, I am so pleased and excited for you hun.  You and your dh deserve this so very much.  

Congratulations!    

Have a fantastic time on Thursday meeting your daughters   

Love 

Jayne x


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

hello,
no exciting news from me today 


 there's a surprise! Have ben told by sw to expect a wait of a looong time for all the checks to come back. she has said nov panel at latest unless any probs, but another couple we know fromour course already have their date (different part of kent) for december. hope our sw is right, we made a big point of saying we would do everything but wanted panel before xmas, after so many years that was important. no information otherwise so far, just surprised this couple have a dec date in another area-I wonder if our sw has us down for nov or not?

anyway, thanks ever and karen. I think you are right in just keeping employer up to date right through matching when it happens. I have no choice on leave etc as a teacher. The ideal would be a panel that was very very very likely to approve (so the head could arrange some sort of cover earlier than approval)  then a start date of just after halfe term or easter, so I could finish up a term or half term, and start the visits on day one of the hols. I know it sounds picky but I do think the parties concerned understand. I teach children with severe learning difficulties and autism. change isn't easy for them, and finding a teacher to replace me isn't easy either- it is a real specialism. and more info anyone can give is helpful.
thanks
k
xxxxxx


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Hello to each and every one of you special people 

dh and I want to thank you all for all the good wishes - the support is amazing  

so thankyou ladies

love
LB and Dh 
and
Ruby
xx


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Just seen the news

CONGRATULATIONS LB

So pleased for you and your DH, can't wait to hear more about your little girls. Roll on Thursday.

Yonny, welcome to the thread, fingers crossed we don't see much more of you because your ICSI has worked.  

Kylie, panel date sounds good, it could be that the other couple have a different date because they are in a different area and maybe they go to a different panel for approval. Hope you manage to get things sorted out on the work front, it's not easy but it will be worth it once you are matched.

Ann, glad you had a good holiday, good to see you back.

Nats, enjoy the VW festival.

Andrea, hope you don't shed too many tears on Monday. It must be so difficult seeing your little baby going to school. I can't believe how quickly my son has grown and I've only had him for 6 months whereas you've had your daughter for over 4 years so no wonder you'll miss her during the day. Best of luck.

Told a porky last week although it was unintentional. We really did plan to do domestic chores but the forecast for the East Coast was so good we ended up going to the seaside again. As DH works in a school and has long holidays and we have our own static van it seemed a waste not to take advantage. Spent 3 glorious days on the beach and XXXXX is as brown as a berry. We've had his short adoption certificate come through which is a really good feeling. It's headed up Birth Certificate but has our chosen names for him. We are going to send off for the longer certificate which also shows our names. No news on the house front yet, we were advertised on Thursday and someone phoned up yesterday to request a viewing for today but unfortunately cancelled (after we had frantically cleaned and tidied the house  ). Oh well just have to accept that the market is a bit flat at the moment and keep hoping.

Hope everyone else is having a good weekend.

love
Cindy


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## sam (Mar 21, 2002)

i havn't posted for ages, probably years but I just wanted to post a message for Lou.........

Lou -
I have thought about you loads and wondered how you were doing.  i am sooooooo excited that you have decided to go for adoption - absolutely brilliant news!!  i will be keeping an eye out to see your news.  You have been through so much but you will soon get your dream.  Keeping everything crossed for you.

Big hugs,
Samxxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

New home this way girls......... 

Karen x

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=36229.0


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