# Bad night - GPs!!



## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

Ladies, just had to get this off my chest, hope that’s ok! 

Have my AF and have been bleeding for 13 days which is very unusual for me (normally average 3 days – lucky me).  Anyway, thought I’d better just get things checked out at the Drs so yesterday I tried to make an app.  Usual story, no apps til mid next week but was told the duty Dr has access to ‘other’ apps so he could phone me.  I settled for that as I thought he might just book me in for bloods or something.  

Duty Dr phoned me back and I told him what was happening, he was obviously reading my notes and said he could see we had IVF in May last year, he mentioned that he assumed it had failed to which I said yes.  He then said maybe I’m pregnant, are we still trying?  Now I know he had to ask but when I said, I doubt it, I have no tubes so it would be a miracle he proceeded to tell me that miracles do happen!  He asked the usual have you been feeling sick, are your boobs sore (which they are but as I told him, I’ve put that down to AF).  Anyway, I feel like I’ve been left hanging as he’s basically told me to go away and if my boobs stay sore when the bleeding has stopped to do a pg test!!

I think what I’m getting at is I’m still coming to terms with the last 12 years of mental torture and nicker checking every month and failed IVFs; then for someone, especially a Dr, to plant a mere seed of hope when he doesn’t know me atall or our history, and I find myself daring to believe I’m a walking miracle which I know is ridiculous – but you really do find yourself going over the ‘what if’s’ then hating yourself because you’re being such a fool.  OMG what a horrid night I’ve had, no tears but they are near the surface.

I feel such a fool and I’m so cross with myself and I wish I’d never flippin phoned now and just left it cos it’s got me nowhere but heartache again.

Sorry to be such a miser but I really had to get it off my chest and no-one knows how I feel like you ladies.

Nix   
xx


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Nixnoo, 

Your anger is entirely justified. 

Last summer, I had two encounters with different locum doctors at my surgery who under different circumstances to yours, treated me with the same insensitivity that you have experienced; in the end I was so furious, I made a formal complaint to the practice manager - I just put that out there as a suggestion for getting a little closure on being treated so carelessly. 

Ultimately, and I am expressing a very personal opinion here, GPs aren't always that clued up about this stuff. They ought to be however, given the epidemic proportions of the problem amongst couples between 20-45. These days, I bypass them pretty much and go straight to the nurses at my clinic, who thankfully, even though I'm not having treatment, are always happy to chat. Is there someone like that for you? Alternatively, there are some pretty clued up people on this site, could you post for advice? 

I'm angry on your behalf Nix; the isolation of our situation is compounded by people who show no sensitivity in dealing with us, but, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!

Big love to you today, Leoarna xxxxxx


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## Hippy (Aug 2, 2005)

Oh Nix hun, the biggest of hugs to you what a nightmare and horrible situation. To be bleeding for 13 days is just horrific and my heart goes out to you, I so hope you'll find a good medic who can sort this out for you and give you a solid and accurate explanation for quickly. To have seeds of hope planted is just torturous and we do enough of a good job of that to ourselves anyway don't we!

I have been very, very seriously considering for some time now, talking to my GP about an elective hysterectomy, just because I too find the constant teasing and what ifs that go with every period that is slightly late or different from others just too hard even though for me it is physically impossible to veer get preg as my DH isn't able to produce any sperm due to his childhood tumour robbing him of this, and when we tried donor sperm it still wasn't poss as they then found my eggs are abnormal and don't grow properly even with If drugs so I really do have a less than 0% chance, but my mind still likes to tease me  

Periods are just the pits and I hope this nightmare one for you will be resolves really quickly. 

I thought Leoarna's idea of going back to the Nurses at your IF clinic was a fab one, I am certain they'll want to ensure you are ok and get this looked at immediately.

Please do let us know when all resolved, will be thinking of you.

Love
Hippy
xxxxxx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Nix i know how you feel. After my failed iuis in 2005  my af was late by 3 weeks that August and also a week last Christmas 2005/2006. I had thought over the years i had had very early miscarriages on occasion and finally went for a few tests to see. They said it was possible that they were miscarriages but because i didnt ever get far enough to have a scan then they couldnt be 100% sure.

I went to a female gp on this occasion(had a lovely male one who referred me for iui but he wasnt avalable) and she got my hopes up by offering me clomid!!! I was happy for a month. I got all my bloods/fsh done again and she said she would speak to specialist. However the specialist said she wouldnt recommend it as my fsh was now 13 (and had gone up from 11 year before).

I was sooo annoyed that the gp got my hopes up for nothing!!!! Why couldnt she have checked this out without telling me first!!! The other gp would have!!!

And Hippy i understand what you are saying about an elective hysterectomy as i considered if i should go back on the pill again(moods) but then i thought that i had spent all this time trying to conceive how could i deliberately prevent myself from it now. I do however worry about the risk of downs in older mothers. Mind you theres not much bms or any kind going on at the mo.

Take care Nix-hope you sort out the bleeding. I have heard provera is good for this if it continues. xxx


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

Thanks for your replies ladies.

Leoarna - I have so much admiration for you and your words of support when going thro' such a difficult time yourself - thank you for your anger - if this was someone else I would be feeling like you but at the moment I feel I can't go to anyone.  My Fert clinic would be a waste of time as the nurse there isn't particularly helpful and would charge me for an app, they've not even been in contact since our last neg in May, not even a 'sorry it didn't work' letter or follow up call.  I feel there is no-one at my GP surgery that I could talk to.

Hippy - I know exactly what you mean about a hysterectomy, it's such a comfort having you gals to talk to who understand.

Irisheyes - false hopes are so painful, I oftern wish we'd never been given IVF options and I know that's ok with hindsight but it would have cut out an awful lot of pain and heartache.

Thank you ladies, you never seem to amaze me with your support, even when you are in dilema and heartaches of your own you always come up trumps with kind words and understanding - bless  you all.

Nix
xxx


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Nix

Sorry to hear you are having such a horrible time. I haven't been in your situation so don't have much help to offer, but certainly do still torture myself when I'm even a day late, despite DH having no sperm, so really really feel for you. For a GP to plant such anxiety making thoughts is just so awful. Sometimes these GP's are so intent on 'problem solving' that they see us as Sudoku puzzles or crosswords instead of living breathing people with a baggage load of genuinely painful emotions!!!!!  

Hope you can be put out of your misery soon.

Big hugs to you

Ermey xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Nix

It never ceases to amaze me that a dr can think that a woman bleeding for 13 days is normal and acceptable! 

I would phone back your gp surgery and demand to see someone! even if it means ( however much it might be awkward) that you have been bleeding for 13 days and need to see someone asap 

big hugs to you hun! dont put up with any rubbish from them



love
suzie xx


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi Nix,

Again, I would ditto what the other girls have said .....

I am so sorry they have raised your hopes .....  that is just so hard to take ...

I would definitely be getting the bleeding checked out as Suzie said.  I can't believe the Dr had the insensitivity to suggest what he did to you ... the mind just boggles sometimes doesn't it?

Anyway, 
I can fully empathise and just wanted to say you are perfectly "normal" to be feeling everything you are ... try not to bottle up those tears you're holding back though .... better out than in hun.

Take care and let us know how you go,
Love Gill xo


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Dear Nix

Sorry but I did write earlier but my got thrown off the website....thx..
I am sorry that you have had a awful time with the bleeding and then dealing with a  ...Has it been sorted out yet? i hope you are ok?
All i can say is its rather worrying that the doctor does not know his Anatomy and Psysiology of the female reproductive system?? That maybe he knows something that we don't?
And on top of that you had to go through a load of questions, that were not necessary and also abit of a mind game...
Have you thought about contacting the surgery to say that this incident upset you...maybe ring or write a letter...
I am sorry...
take care astridxx


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

Dear ladies

This is sods law, the bleeding has finally stopped!  I will keep an eye on things and keep a log should this (or anything else) happen again.  

I feel alot happier today and I'm sure your posts have so much to do with that so thank you.

I don't feel I can approach anyone at my GP surgery but I am considering writing to them, even if write a letter and never post it I think it will make me feel better.

Once again thanks for your support.

Nix
xx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Nix i forgot to add in my other post (i posted on this board last year when it happened) that my Private clinic sent me a letter nearly a year after my last failed iui to..... wait for it.......

Invite us to a family day at the clinic!!!! You would think they would check that we had actually got pg or not!!! If thats not insensitive i dont know what is!!!!


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

Oh for **** sake (I can't write what I actually wanted to SCREAM) Irish!!  How insensitive!!

Personally, I look back now and wonder why we continued with our clinic and didn't change.  I had such alot of faith in my consultant but it did dwindle, I think cos he had so many patients that in the end I felt like everything was hurried.

I think it should be made mandatory that clinics should regularly come on this site and see just how anyone going thro IF really feels.

Hugs to you
xx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Yeah Nix -i agree!!! The only one who asked how i was after the iui was the bloody receptionist!!!


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Nix my lovely

I am so sorry that you have had to go through everything - what a horrid 2 weeks of it you have had!

I thoroughly recommend writing a letter of complaint to the practice manager - I wrote one to complain about my GP recently and I've been treated like royalty since 

Another avenue for being heard is through your local Primary Care Trusts' PALS office (patient advice and liason support) which you can find here: http://www.pals.nhs.uk/members/exploreDir.aspx they will tell you how long you are supposed to wait to have confirmation of your letter, and are all round very helpful in resolving any issues you may have with your GP. Frankly I think its ridiculous you have to wait so long for an appointment as well... don't know what the guidelines are on being seen but you can bet your bottom dollar your local PALS will help you out on this one!

Finally, I am not happy to hear you have had this unusually long bleed and have been unable to see anyone - ARGH!

Sending you much love and a ginourmously massive 
Emcee xxx


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

Just wanted to update you all.

I didn't take this further as I didn't have the energy at the moment!  

However, DH had an appointment on Weds to see the nurse for something minor, so he mentioned (in DH language) what had hapenned, he couldn't even remember what the problem was but he did tell her what the Dr had said to me.  He also got a bit choked up telling her.  Don't know about you ladies, but I think I sometimes forget all this affects our boys too, anyway, she was very shocked and has told him she will take it further.

Just thought I'd let you all know.
Nix


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Nix,

Don't know how I missed this before, I do apologise. What a dreadful time! Your DH was brave to check it out with the nurse, and thank goodness she is going to take it forward.  Maybe the GP will learn to be a little more sensitive in future? Sorry he has to learn his lesson on you.

It was lovely to meet you Sunday, it was great not to be the only first timer there!

Love to you,

Jq


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

Thanks jq - we can't always get to every post, I know that.

It was lovely to meet you too, everyone was so nice.  Looking forward to the next one!
Nix
x


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Male coping mechanisms can, unfortunately, look a lot like 'I'm perfectly fine' when actualy the feel gutted too. 

Good on him for saying something. 

Hope you're taking care of you, him and Zak!!!!

Love, 

MM X


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Nix, sending both you and your DH a huge   because you're right, people often forget its not just us but our lovely partners who go through this too...

Hope you have a good weekend hon, you take care

Love,
Emcee x


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

Lovelies - just an update...

I'm finally writing a letter to my GP surgery re my post here.  It's taken me nearly 3 months to feel able to do this, I very nearly decided to leave it but as the entire reason for my IF is due to a locum GP misdiagnosing my appendicitis when I was 8 years old resulting in peritonitis and emergency surgery, I have decided to do something.

I'm not sure what I want from doing this, probably just to stop someone else from suffering such insencitivity.  I can say that you have all helped me to gain the courage to write and that without your support I probably would have just let it go to save confrontation and dealing with my feelings.

I have to say, the surgeon who operated on me when I was 8 did save my life and that I am so grateful to him and his team, I do not hold a grudge against GP's in any way.  

I always remember a comment my brother made when he found out about our IF problems, he said something to the effect of 'that bleep GP who said you had colic has ruined your life' to which my reply was - yes I'm infertile but I'm still here.

Let you know if I hear anything.

Nix
xx


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Nix, 

Just to say I am full of admiration for you. Last summer I had cause to write to my surgery to complain about the insensitive comments of tw of their locums on different occassions, and it felt good to force the whole practice to think about how they deal with women in our situation at one of their team meetings. 

YOU GO GIRL!

Big luv to you, 

MM xxx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Dear Nix,

I am so pleased that you feel so strong. Well done you. 

Just an idea, if you feel you would like to sound some of us out with a draft of a letter, please do. You could always send it by email if you did not want it on the board. I often ask people to comment on difficult letters/papers, so I thought this might be a practical way we could support you. 

Meanwhile, you have all the emotional support I can send over the net!  

Love 
Jq xxx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

What an awful, stupid comment for a medically trained person to make! 

Kudos on writing the letter.  A couple of years ago I saw a female locum at our practice, I had gone in specifically to tell someone that the Infertility was causing me to be stressed and depressed, and she basically told me that she can't get pg because he DH has azoospermia (sp?), and at least there is some hope that I could get pg, since we are unexplained, and that I'm in a better position than her, I'm lucky, so what's wrong with me?!!

I think my jaw hit the floor and stayed there, hence me not complaining at the time, but I look back and I wish I had.


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

I have to ask, does anyone in the medical profession possess even an ounce of sensitivity? 

As if this wasn't tough enough.....

MM xxxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Nix, good on you honey for deciding to go ahead and write this letter. No doubt it will stir up plenty of emotion for you, but I hope it will be in a healing way because you are finally 'telling it like it is' for you. Sending you great big encouraging hugs and saying - go girrrrrrrl! I'm very proud of you! xxxx

Emmag - Oh... My... God..! how unprofessional of this dr to say this to you! I'm so sorry hon!

There are good medics out there, we all know it, but sadly the bad ones stick in our minds (and hearts) too... sometimes I think just a little bit of support and reassurance goes a long way for all of us.

Much love to all
Emcee x


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## Bandicoot (Mar 8, 2007)

Dear Nix, I've only just read this so sorry to be late but wanted to let you know how sorry and aghast I am that your idiot of a GP could be so insensitive. When we've all wanted something for so long even the faintest glimmer of hope is so seductive and brings all those emotions rushing back, even if the logical part of you is telling you to be sensible... we've all done it Nix and it's just one more aspect to IF that's so cruel... but insensitive GPs most certainly do not help and I really think it's great you are not going to let this one go. 

I second what EmmaG said about wishing I'd followed up a stupid comment by my old bag of a GP. We were discussing my breast cancer diagnosis at 28 and the fact I have IF issues and she put my notes down on her desk and said: "There's a reason you're not able to conceive and that's because nature wants rid of you"  - !!! 

I was just stunned. Needless to say she really, really upset me and I felt like I had the Grim Reaper following me around for ages. I changed practices pretty soon after that but to this day i still wish I'd taken action and written to them. So you go for it because if we don't learn to speak up they will never learn to think before they open their big traps. My love and best wishes for you and your DH with this.

B x
P.S. Why, when you go in for IVF egg collection, do the nurses ask you if there's a chance you might be pregnant...?


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Bandicoot said:


> "There's a reason you're not able to conceive and that's because nature wants rid of you" - !!!


If that GP had sat down and tried to plan the most hurtful thing to say to a patient, she probably couldn't have come up with anything better. What a horrible, horrible thing to say! 

slightly o/t, but the thing about the IVF nurses at e/c asking if you're pg made me think of this - I don't like it when for any reson you're asked if you could be pg (they even ask you if you go for a facial or something - know what I mean?) I usually just say no chance, but recently I went for an appointment in the 2nd half of my cycle and I didn't want an x ray so I had to say "there is a chance blah blah blah" and they were all "ooooh! how exciting!" and I was thinking no, you misunderstood, there is an infinately small, theoretical chance that I could be pg, but I do not believe for one second that I am, but I didn't say anything.


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

Bandicoot & Emmag - Sadly I am no longer suprised at such dreadful comments from medical 'professionals' although I still get very angry hearing such comments.

jq - thank you so much for your comment (and pm) I very nearly asked on here yesterday if anyone fancied reading my draft and maybe helping me phrase it better (another pair of eyes from someone not involved etc).  I will send you my draft and would appreciate your comments.

Thanks too to MM & Emcee for your reliable support, all of you come up trumps.

Bless ya gals
xxx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hello everyone,

Nix, I just replied to your pm. Very happy to help if I can.

I still cannot believe how insensitive some docs can be. What dreadful experiences Bandicoot and Emmag have had. 

Love Jq xxx


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

Pm'd you back jq - hope you have time to have a quick look at your pm before you fly off.

Nix
xx


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

FINAL UPDATE (I guess)

I sent off my letter (thanks jq for your input - you're a star).

I waited a few days and the GP surgery called me.  The Dr in question phoned personally and apologized.

He started off by saying that he didn't remember the conversation entirely but that he wanted me to know that GPs don't always know everything about every patient, to which my reply was - that's why you have notes!

He said that he assumed by my notes that I still had one tube but that it was partially removed (which it is but unusable) and that he was concerned that I may have an ectopic.  I told him that it was pretty much impossible.

He went on to tell me that he and his wife had 8 years of fertility treatment under 'the ghastly mentioning no names on this site' (who we used, nice of them to tell us what they thought of him while we were undergoing treatment) and said he should have known better having been through it himself!

He was apologetic and asked if I was willing to accept his apology to which I said yes if you put it in writing!  He also suggested putting a flag on my notes re our treatment, I told him I was surprised this wasn't already in place and agreed.

I did emphasize to him that it had taken me since January to write it and that I was unwilling to just leave it due to having been left dangling once before.

Then, this weekend, I received my letter from him.  I have to say, I feel satisfied at this response.  Especially since receiving the letter as he has said he is ashamed and horrified at upsetting me.  I have a slight sense of guilt for making him feel so bad (I know, I know).  He obviously understands having been there and that gives me no satisfaction atall.

I feel so much better to have a closure on this whole situation.  

Thanks for listening and for all your input.

Nix
xx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Well done Nix!

I am glad he went on to put it in writing. By all means we can feel for him and his wife, and be glad he was big enough to both phone and write an aplogy, but don't feel guilty at making him feel bad! Some of the toughest life lessons are hard learnt. This lesson may make him a more sensitive GP. So bravo Nix! 

   

Love Jq xxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Wow Nix! 

You rock girrrrrrrl!     

Good on you - me thinks you have taught him a little gentleness when dealing with people in the future.

Love to you, and very proud of you for sticking to your guns with this hon
Emcee xxx


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