# Mixed emotions



## Hippogriff (Apr 14, 2010)

I feel like a total cliche.  Years of subfertility and pregnancy loss, then finally DH and I make the decision that enough is enough, we're not waiting another two years to see if I conceive again, we're going for donor embryos.  I start the whole process, get the uterine scan, arrange for bloods, contact the clinic we want to go to in the Czech republic, arrange for a prescription to start the Pill next month to regulate my thoroughly hit and miss cycle, and for the first time in years the pressure is off, it doesn't matter when in the month we make love, or if we do....

Yes you guessed it.  I'm late.  And the stick showed two lines.

And I just can't be happy.  The last two pregnancy losses bit too deeply.  I'm just waiting for the disaster again.  I haven't told anyone this time other than DH (and I think his emotions are very similar to mine).  I burst into tears at work and had to come up with an excuse about my dog dying (which he did last week).  If anyone can waft some positive thoughts my way, please do.


----------



## Mish3434 (Dec 14, 2004)

Hi,

First of all a huge congratualtions on your pregnancy. I know you are probably feeling very insecure about this pregnancy and I can totally understand why with your last 2 pregnancies ending in a miscarriage.

Please remember though that all pregnancies are different and you do have a very good chance with this one going the way your first one did    . There is a thread in the pregnancy section where there are other ladies in your situation who are pregnant after a previous loss.
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=235848.0

Praying you have a happy and healthy pregnancy   

Good luck and please let us know how you get on

Shelley xx


----------



## Helenb33 (Mar 29, 2004)

Hi Hippogriff

I just wanted to say that after two losses myself I can imagine how tough you must be finding this, and how scary it might feel. 

I guess that it may take a while for you to get used to what is actually lovely, happy news. 

I have found the babyloss website very helpful in the past, with plenty of compassionate, kind women who really have been through similar experiences to you. There are plenty of stories about women who have had many miscarriages and gone on to have healthy babies, and many fellow worriers to help you through the first few weeks.

Wishing you and your precious cargo all the very best
Helenx


----------



## Hippogriff (Apr 14, 2010)

Miscarriage.  Again.  Blighted ovum.

I just want to beat my head against a wall.  And it's confirmed for me that we're now going the right way with donor embryos.  I just can't face going round this hamster wheel again and again with my own eggs.

Thank you for your messages of support.  They meant a lot to me.  This site has been my number one support this year.


----------



## K-M (Jun 8, 2010)

Hippogriff,

I was so sorry to hear of your news, having also had two miscarriages I so have so much empathy with you.  Like you I am going down the DE route after a failed ivf with my own eggs - this has helped us to come to our DE decision.

Take some time to heal and take care.

K-M


----------



## Mish3434 (Dec 14, 2004)

Hippogriff,

So sorry to see your sad news      take good care of yourself and DH.  I'm praying DE is the way for you        , I know its so soon after your latest miscarriage but do you have a clinic and date planned for the DE?

   also for K-M 

Shelley xx


----------



## daisyg (Jan 7, 2004)

Hippogriff,

I am really sorry that you have gone through this again.  I just want to add some information ref. moving forward.

I would really recommend that before moving to DE you have some basic testing done to make sure that your losses are not to do with you systemically.  Blighted ova and subchorionic haematomas can be an indication of other issues apart from chromsomal abnormality.  SCHs are associated with clotting disorders and blighted ova can be to do with autoimmune/immune issues.

The GP and/or clinic can arrange many of the basic tests and I would also recommend your DH has sperm testing and karyotyping as well.  Tests include, uterine isssues, thyroid, ANAs, clotting, infection (you and DH).

I had miscarriages with own eggs which were assumed to be my age.  Sadly, I had other medical issues and continued to miscarry with DE and did not have a live birth (twins with donor embryo) until these issues were treated.

Wishing you the best,
Daisy
x


----------



## barbara1 (Aug 3, 2010)

Daisy G,

I continue to draw inspiration from your self determination and success in this direction, while believing that others can be as lucky as you have been.

Thank you for not abandoning the thread after your success as in some cases, others do.


----------

