# Another Newby! Confused & Tired facing IVF & ICIS



## HinaM (Aug 3, 2011)

Hi, 

Ive just registered and I don't usually tell anyone my personal things on the internet. I'm usual the one that reads everyone else's stories and feelings and silently hope I can get advise from it. But today I felt i needed to write something. 

Myself and my husband have been going through tests since October last year, because we were having problems conceiving. We went to our GP and they referred us to the hospital for tests. We were told I suffer from PCOS and my husband has a low and near enough non existent sperm count. He also had an operation on his testicles when he was born and even though they can't confirm it, this may be causing the low sperm count. He has had consultations with the Urologist and after many tests has confirmed that we will not be able to conceive naturally because of the little sperm he has and my PCOS.

Its been almost a year and we have finally had the go ahead for IVF & ICIS. However we have been told that the treatments will not be funded by the NHS. The hospital that we currently deal with have a private clinic we can go to, or we can find our own, except we don't have a clue where to start. 

We had a look at the HFEA website and searched for clinics around us and looked at their success rates etc. At the end of all that reading we were non the wiser. 

There is not much information out there for people going through this for the first time and we seem to have hit a brick wall.  We are currently trying to find the right clinic for us and we are struggling to make that choice. Both myself and my husband are 35 and I'm worried that time isn't on our side.

We have an appointment with the gynecologist next week and I wanted to have some research done on other clinics before making the decision to go with the hospital we are already with. We know the staff at the hospital and they have our results on record and know what needs doing. Going to a different clinic would mean, collating all our tests results from the hospital, as we don't want to be paying for the tests we have already had done. It seems such a big hassle, but if they are a better clinic then surely its worth it. 

Its all very confusing. My husband is a very calm person, but I have no patience which doesn't help. I feel as though we are wasting time, but at the same time I know we cant rush this. This is where we are at, at the moment, they have told us what we need to have done, but thats where the help stops. We need to figure the rest out ourselves and if you don't have a clue what to do, what do you do?

One decision we have made is to call up the clinics and visit them. See what there about. Not sure if its worth doing, but it will make me feel as though I'm doing something about it.

You don't hear about these things, because nobody wishes to speak about fertility. We have been quite open about it and some of our family members know our situation. I have three sisters who have children and are very supportive. My husband is an only child and sometimes finds it difficult to open up to me and certainly can't speak to his mum. We have many arguments because he doesn't tell me how he feels. Maybe he doesn't know how to express himself, but we are working on that together.

I now there are many people out there that will be in the same situation as me and I felt I should write something today, to hopefully encourage anyone who might be afraid to tell what they feel. I hope it does encourage you, because it helps to share your feelings even if it is a stranger. its helping me.

Hina   


Hina


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## shellymay (Jan 6, 2011)

Hello and Welcome.

I am so pleased you decided to join and share how you feel. Don't feel alone, there are so many people on here with the exact same problems as you and your DH. Lots of people aren't eligible for funding through the NHS, like myself - so it is an expensive process.

You are right there are so many clinics and all have different success rates. The best place to look would be here: (WHICH I SEE YOU HAVE DONE ALREADY)
http://guide.hfea.gov.uk/guide/

You need to look at the stats, as a starting point you need to know:
1. What the pregnancy rate is 
2. What the live birth rate is

If you get a piece of paper and write down the success rates in a column (which is what I did) you will soon see who has better success rates than others or you might decided to travel and go somewhere where the success rate is very high.

Also, if you have any special requirements. For instance:
ARGC - London - really high success rate, intensive monitoring, seems people who have not succeeded elsewhere go here - but expensive 
Create - I understand do a more natural cycle within your existing cycle.
Etc....

You don't mention what area you are in, but there is also a link on the homepage at the bottom where you can post in your area and ask the other girls where they are going and why.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=218.0

Perhaps read Zita West book on IVF (should find it on Amazon)

It isn't so difficult collecting all your results, just make sure they are on letter heads or they have a stamp and signature on them. I think DRs and clinics are used to doing this anyway.

If there is one thing you will learn in this process it is patience.

Good Luck with everything.
Mx


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## HinaM (Aug 3, 2011)

Hi, thanks for your response. We live in Epsom, Surrey, but not had the chance to post anything to ladies in my area. (actually I didn't know I could do that, LOL, so thanks for that)

I haven't heard of ARGC, so will look into that. We keep hearing about Lister Clinic in London and have heard mixed reviews on this Clinic. Mostly good. Also have been looking at the clinic reviews forum on FF, which has similar reviews. 

We haven't thought about the more natural cycle and the idea of taking so many drugs and what it can do to you. We had the Urologist appointment for my husband last week, who told us what this is the route we have to be going through and everything seems to be going round and around in our heads. Not sure what the gynecologist is going to say next week, but I was cleared for IVF a month ago. Everything is so long winded on the NHS.

Thank you for your advise. I will definitely take it on bored and do the listings of success rates on clinics. Will make it easier I think.

Hx


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## shellymay (Jan 6, 2011)

Oh OK. I live in West Berkshire.

I did my first cycle at Woking Nuffield, but have since moved to the ARGC in London.

The clinics I seem to hear a lot about are:

ARGC - I knew someone who went there, so was lucky to get the low down.
Lister - which I have heard is very good. (I had another friend who went here and had a BFP)
Zita West - is opening a clinic in London in September (she told me herself) with a DR who is highly 
                  respected.
Create - I think is in Wimbledon and Harley Street 
There are others in Oxford etc, but I never looked into them to be honest. I am happy with my ARGC decision, because there success rate is double anywhere elses, but so are their prices - we hoping for twins, so we only have to do it once!

And onward you go.

I originally chose Woking Nuffield, because it was literally 10 minutes down the road from me, but in hindsight wish I had done more research and gone directly to ARGC, mainly because of my age and their success rate.

Normally the gynecologist does more tests, but this might not be necessary in your case. They will refer you to a fertility clinic. They always have one that they send everyone too in their area, which is how I landed up at Woking Nuffield, but if you have a preference they will refer you to wherever you want to go, so best to have an idea, also remember, you can go for your initial consultation and if you decided you dont' like the clinic you can always swap.

There is a lot to take in, and there is a crazy amount of information on this forum. On top of which it isn't over when you are pregnant, there are all sorts of things that can go wrong. My advice is to stick to what you need to know now. So, only investigate the clinics and their reviews, and worry about the rest later.

Good Luck, hun.
Mx


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## HinaM (Aug 3, 2011)

Its good to have people around you in the know. I'm asian and in my community its unheard of to be infertile and no one wants to talk about it and like everyone else you never think you will be in this situation. When you are it hits you.

I have had all my tests done with the gynecologist and next tuesday she will tell us what we are to do next. 

Funny thing is my husband wants twins too, for the same reasons as you. I think I kind of feel the same but even if its one, ill be over the moon. My fingers and toes are crossed for you.

Its nice to talk to someone going through the same thing. Thanks for your advise. I feel a lot more positive then i did this morning. Good Luck with your treatments, keep me posted on how your getting along. 

Hina X


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## shellymay (Jan 6, 2011)

Hina hun.

I know it is so difficult especially for certain cultures, but really it happens to all sorts of different people.

At least your husband is supportive, I know plenty of women where the husband won't do the tests, and so they can't do IVF or find the problem.

I am not sure if you are religious or not, but there is also this set of links as well:
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=412.0

You definitely should feel positive, there are so many options open to you right now.

Good luck to you and keep me posted.

Mx


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

to FF, Hina!!! This is a great website for support, information, laughter and friendship, it has kept me (relatively!) sane though all my treatment. Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help you.

I agree fertility issues are still a bit of a taboo subject. We chose not to discuss it with family, although after I got one of my negative results my mum mentioned something about children and I broke down and blurted it all out to her, not sure she quite knew what to say or do with me! We have chosen not to tell my DH´s family, but that is more because of what they are like than anything else! I remember when I "came out" at work, I had 3 female colleagues and 1 male colleague come up to me and say that they had treatment, and this was in a department of 13 people. It really is a lot more common than people realise.

As Shelleymay said, you aren´t alone now! Comparing results is useful, but reading about other members experiences of the clinics is also important.

Here are a couple of links that I think might help you.

PCOS ~ CLICK HERE

Male factors ~ CLICK HERE

Perhaps your husband will be interested in The Mens Room ~ CLICK HERE where he can talk to other men going through treatment with their wives.

I think Surrey is covered by our South East section CLICK HERE. There is certainly a "Surrey boys and girls" thread CLICK HERE I am sure you will find lots of helpful information there.

Complimentary, Holistic and Spiritual Approaches ~ CLICK HERE 

ICSI ~ CLICK HERE

Keep a diary of your treatment (or read the experience of others) ~ CLICK HERE

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment ~ CLICK HERE

The What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) thread will give you some info on how to navigate the site ~   CLICK HERE

We have a live chat room where you can meet other members, take part in themed chat events and gain a wealth of information from people who are or have been dealing with infertilty. New member chat is at 8pm on Wednesday, where we can introduce you to other members, show you around the chat room and help with any queries you may have both in the chat room and on the boards. Please take a look at the calendar and of course our Chat Zone: CLICK HERE

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support, information and cyber hugs if you need it. We go through all the highs and lows of treatment together.

If you can´t find any information on here relating to a clinic, let me know and I will see if I can find it for you.

Good luck!            

Sue


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## HinaM (Aug 3, 2011)

Thanks Sue, I will certainly go through all the information and links you have provided. Live chats on wednesday's sounds like something i may be interested in, hopefully my husband will be around for that, as he works shifts. 

Hopefully I will get a hang of how this site works and surely introduce my husband to the mens room section of the site and hoping its something he will consider using to chat to people.

Thanks Again

H


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## hopefull LM (Jun 6, 2011)

Just wanted to say hi and ur are not alone

I live quite near to epsom and my sister lives in Epsom by the race course (small world) I have go to a private hospital in Eastbourne and I can say how great they, they welcome you and try and understand how u feel and take there time give u the best advised to and there price list isnt to bad have a look on there web site it's bmi the esperance Sussex downs fertility at 1st I went to lister in London and they was very bad and got my money back I found u was just a number and it's one in and one out and more money as it's London
I hope this helps 

Good luck 

Lee xxx


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## loulou72 (Sep 10, 2010)

Hi everyone

I too am new to this site. My partner had a VR 18 months ago and has had 2 sperm tests with sperm present, although the latest one for the IVF clinic has come back with a zero count. Is this common can anyone tell me please? We are a little tired ourselves and can't see a way forward at the moment


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## shellymay (Jan 6, 2011)

Hi loulou

I don't know much about the men side of things to be honest.

But as a rational person, it sounds a little odd, think I might be looking for a re-test and also to look and see if the sperm is in the scrotum, but just not coming out.

There must be a thread somewhere on here with people who have had a similar problem.

Maybe this link:
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=532.22

I am sure the moderator will be along soon with more info.

Good Luck
Mx


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## shellymay (Jan 6, 2011)

loulou

I have just come across this as well

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=268228.0

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=260968.0

Mx


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## HinaM (Aug 3, 2011)

Hi Lee,

Yes its a very small world. We live near to the race course too. I have heard alot of mixed reviews about the Lister Clinic, so unsure whether to even go see it. You must be the third person to say they have had a bad experience with them. A year ago before we even started any tests, our GP refered the Lister Clinic to us and its stuck in our heads since then. Your advice is very helpful and we will definately take it on bored, Thank You.

How long has it been since you started your treatments? (if you don't mind me asking). Hope everything is going o.k for you. We will definitely look into the Eastbourne clinic, but i think the distance worries me alittle, seeing as though there will be alot of trips up and down the hospital. Thanks for the recommendation, will keep you posted on how we get on.

Hina


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## HinaM (Aug 3, 2011)

Hi LouLou,

It's common to have a negative sperm count. When we first started our tests October last year, my husbands sperm count came back as negative, completely zero. We were told this news by our GP over the phone and we were absolutely devastated and like you could not see a way forward. 

We went back to the Gp and my husband went back for a second sperm count. This time the results came back with a trace of sperm and we began all the relevant tests to see if we were able to go for IVF. 

My husband has been through 4 sperm tests and all the results have been different. But closer to the low then high count. Its difficult not to worry, and I know you will. But stress causes the results to differ also. You are advised to wait 3 months before you go for the next sperm test, but your clinic should know that already.

Our Gynecologist advised for him to take some Zinc supplements to help produce more and better quality sperm. My husband takes Wellman Conception. You can get it from Boots and they are also on the 3 for 2 offers most months. 

Its likely that his sperm count will be different the next time and the time after that.
I hope this helps. Keep me posted on how your doing and try not to worry, it is normal for this to happen. 

H x


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## hopefull LM (Jun 6, 2011)

hi there 

yeah i felt lister was one in one out and u r a number where at eastbourne they and great and support you and your needs..

i am hoping to start this month on day 12 (fingers crossed) so cant wait 
well good luck i hope you find the right hospital

love lee xx


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## twinkle 77 (Aug 1, 2011)

Hi Hina
Your story is very similar to mine 5 years ago, like you i suffer with psoc, dh had no swimmers and we had to pay private. The up side to all this, people with psoc respond really well to treatment , because we alredy have lots of follicles to grow eggs, DH was given tesse treatment (a biopsey of tissue is taken from the testes), and docs found swimmers, and the up side to paying private is you dont have to wait, yes its expensive but worth it to be at the top of the queue, 
we had treatment at MFS manchester
Good Luck


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## loulou72 (Sep 10, 2010)

Hi Shellymay

Thank you for your replies & links etc, will be taking a look at them now.

This is all such stress!

Thank you again x


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## HinaM (Aug 3, 2011)

@ Twinkle, thanks for your reply. I honestly can't wait to be going private. We have been getting all our initial tests done through the NHS, which has taken us a year. The Hospital lost my blood test results once and my husbands test results twice, pushing us back at least 6 months, because we had to repeat them over and over again. Along with this follow up appointments are 3-4 months apart. Anyway rant over now. I guess its about finding the right clinic and thanks to some of the people on FF, we have some direction. Gynecologist appointment tomorrow, lets see what she has to say. All I know is we want to be making a start a.s.a.p. Time just seems to be running away and I turn 35 next year. I'm getting very anxious  

I feel very positive reading about everyones experiences, so thank you for sharing. 

H x


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