# Message to the baby we'd love but may not be



## Peace50 (Sep 5, 2011)

I needed to write this, just to try and get the pain out. A message to the child that may not be 

I never thought I'd have to contemplate life without you, you were always their in my dreams, I'd carry you in my stomach for 9 month protecting you, give birth and feel the instant love. We'd be a perfect family.. I could see us all in bed together on Sunday's, going to the park and reading stories at bed time. The love me and my husband would have for you would have been so much, how could it not as we've prayed for you for 4 years nearly, you would complete us. Instead our lives look different, we have to accept that you are just a fantasy, a stupid dream that can never come true. but it's so hard because I love you, you are part of me, without you I feel empty my life feels dark and cold. My marriage is strong, well it was until this heartbreak started chipping away at my emotions than at us. Why can't I meet you my darling child, why are we so different to everyone else. We are good people, we work hard, we have a wonderful family. Life is so hard and cruel, is this here to test and challenge me? Well I'm sorry but I've lost, I'm weak and in pain and feel like I've failed.

I'm sorry my child, I'm sorry I can't make my body work to meet you, I'm sorry that you will just stay in my dreams, this is not my choice for our life.




....I pray for all of you currently thinking and dealing of life without children. I hope you gain strength from somewhere


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## lou-lou12 (Jan 31, 2012)

Oh sweetheart I cried when I read this   sending you loads of hugs


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## Peace50 (Sep 5, 2011)

I cant believe the difference a month makes. I've just re read this and it's really upset me how low and sad I was. Things aren't perfect now but I'm more positive,  we are exploring new options but more importantly focusing on our marriage. Ivf is a horrible journey which I may give another go but at the moment the fear of another failure is consuming me, I need to hold my head up, stay positive and keep smiling..., granted it may be just a mask at the moment but isn't that what all of us ladies do on here.... Make the world think everything is great and we are coping when inside we feel like we are dying.... I have good days and bad but the most important thing is I'm just believing that whatever cards I am dealt I can't control and I can't let it dictate how my future looks.

Wishing everyone the strength, courage and hope that is needed xxx


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## JuliHiffins (Dec 28, 2012)

I really liked reading that message.


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## Flow13 (Jul 22, 2009)

I really related to this, so I am sending you lots of    Its good to see that you are feeling more positive about things.  I am salso in agreement with the mask.  We pretend we are ok, and put on smiles when others discuss pegnancy/babies etc, and yet inside I either feel like crying or shouting at them.    It is so hard to deal with, but we are all strong women - we have had to be xxxx


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## Tulipwishes (Nov 20, 2011)

this brought a tear to my eyes, im pleased that you are in a happier place now and i could really relate to what you wrote. x


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

this made me look at myself and it really rang a chord. im glad your feeling more positive. lts such a lonely journey. i hardly ever make the effort to actually see friends anymore... i just feel im on the outside of life in a way thats different to everyone else . love to all xx


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