# Dads 6 month anniversary



## rubster (Jul 26, 2011)

Hi Ladies

I'm finding these days very difficult. This time 6 months ago, my dear dad was in the last days of his life. We were told on the Wednesday that he had hours. He pulled through and we had a further 2-3 days together. On the thursday night, he became very distressed, crying out, trying to get out of his bed.... the nurses were so amazing, so kind... they gently explained to us that he was in that place between life and death. His body was ready to go, his mind and spirit were becoming confused. So they sedated him. Then he fell into a slumber and didn't wake up. He slipped away quietly at 6am on the Saturday morning. 

All that time we were with him, talking, remembering..... we slept on the floor of his room. I'll never forget  - in the family room on the Thursday night - my sister was saying that the nurse had explained that although he was asking for food, we couldn't give him any as it was very likely that he would choke. This hit me so hard... he put my head onto my DH's chest and howled crying.... crying for my beloved dad, for all the lost babies over the years.... for everything. 

I just feel very sad - I know that's OK. I'm very grateful to be able to share it with you - who know how these difficult times in our lives can be even more difficult when simultaneously dealing with IF/TX. It feels like IVF has made all the things that are/were difficult for me 1000000% times more difficult/painful. 

Thanks for listening

Rubster xxx


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## scribbles (Jun 23, 2013)

Rubster, I couldnt read and run as I'm almost in tears reading your post. How unimaginably awful for you and your family. I'm so so sorry that you lost your father and how traumatic it must have been to you all. 

My dad recently had a cancer scare and it really hit home about how awful it would be to lose him. For you to go through that and so recently, I can imagine how upset and heartbroken you must be. Our daddies are our heroes, the ones we tell our secrets to when we can't tell mum, our protectors from horrible boys and come to our rescue when we need help. The Daddy-Daughter bond is a strong one and eternally unbreakable. 

Every anniversary is going to hurt, time is a great healer but I don't believe the hurt goes away, it just get slightly easier to deal with. Is there a happy thing you could do to remember you dad in a positive way? Could you take a picnic with your family to a favourite spot or tie messages to balloons and send them up to him? 

For what it's worth, when my grandfather died, I went to see him in the chapel of rest. All I could remember of him from that day was the image of him in his coffin, it took nearly two years to come to terms with that and regain happy memories of him. What you witnessed was hugely traumatic, especially as nobody ever wants to see their parents suffer and you are still coming to terms with it. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time to heal and find time for happy memories.


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## Guest (Apr 18, 2014)

Sending you a big hug Rubster   So sorry to hear about your Dad  
It is really hard having losses and bereavements and when they're one on top of the other it's very difficult. But you will get through it all and have happier times. 

I found losing a baby made me feel much more sensitive about everything too and more vulnerable. I always think life is like waves, with peaks and troughs. There may be bad times, but there will be better times ahead too, and amazing things you couldn't imagine or predict. 

Wishing you wonderful times ahead and much light & happiness, which you deserve  
Cherish xxx


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## DaisyMaisy (Jan 9, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. My mum died two years ago. I was fine coping with if/tx, but when I had her death to deal with to, it was too much. I ended up taking time of work for a very long time ( we had a still birth 5 months after my mum died), which resulted in even more time off. Take care of your self. Grieve when you have to. He was your dad. Xxxx


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## donna80 (Jan 3, 2011)

to you rubster, 

Im so sorry for what your going through, I lost my dad to a 5 year cancer battle 12 years ago, and the end was horrible, I was by my mums side through my dad's treatment and illness, I had to watch my dad go from a strong family man who lived and breathed for his kids (me and my younger bro and sis) to a broken man who hated us having to watch him suffer, it took years for us all to find a NEW normal, 
I married and then started trying for a family, IF hit me, my first ivf I barely got away from the starting line and was cancelled, we needed donor eggs, my mum was a great support to me through that and went google crazy, my mum helped me accept that we needed donor eggs, I was just getting ready and arranging our first deivf then suddenly I lost my mum, one day out shopping next day gone, that was hard, totally unexpected, I refused to even think about IF  for 6 months, I was a zombie for 6 months, I wasn't living I was existing! Them my auntie said to me what would your mum and dad want you to do? How would they want you to live your life? They had gone but I was still here. It was up to me to make my life what I wanted it to be, so I did...
With in3 months I had found a new flat and chased up hospital and funding, 
So a year after I lost my mum I was in a better place, 
I moved 10 miles away, I got my funding and I found a donor, 2.5 years later I miss both my parents and everyday I wish I could talk to them both 1 last time, I've had 1 failed deivf cycle and I am just about to start a FET, and I hope my parents are proud of me, my dh has been my rock through everything and has supported every move ive made, 
You will never forget your dad but you need to grieve and take time out for yourself, be selfish and think of no 1. The pain never goes away it does fade slightly tho, 
The memories of your dad going will never go away but you learn to replace those memories with the happier ones of your time together, 
You will get through it,    
Donna xx


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## Jelliebabe (Jan 14, 2011)

Hey Rubester, I'm so sorry fur you my darling girl.  It may be 6 months but it's still early days, and I know from the cycling thread that you've had a lot to cope with in addition.  You need to be kind to yourself, give yourself a break.  I still miss my dad and he passed 15 years ago this June....


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## rubster (Jul 26, 2011)

Thank you so much for your support, I don;t know what I would do without it

R xxx


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