# Just need a rant and some support...thanks!



## DB7 (Nov 25, 2010)

Hi all,

Excuse me for being self-indulgent here, but I just need to rant and get something out of my system. 

Our first go at IVF failed a few weeks ago and since then I've been feeling really hormonal. What hasn't helped is that one of the people I work closely with is pregnant and since I found out things hadn't worked, I haven't been able to talk to her and pass the time of day and we used to close. Also, last week someone I manage told me she was pregnant. It absolutely floored me. 

Anyway, we have friends who recently married and are trying for a baby. Last night one of them sent a message to me asking if we wanted to join them for a weekend away and if so, they would love us to join them for a hike and dinner. They then said they'd also be baby making, which just tipped me over. My husband and I aren't trying naturally as he has a huge mental block about anything physical. I'm desperate for it, but for reasons I won't share, it's not happening. Anyway, with me feeling as hormonal as I do, I mentioned that we don't even try to make a baby and it's sent him off the deep end. Cue a night of blazing arguments and me feeling like my head's full of weird stuff and just wanting to escape from it. I actually got to one point last night where I felt I wanted to be sectioned if only to get some drugs to clear my head.

This morning I've come into work and feel shattered, both emotionally and physically. Our IVF journey hasn't been shared with many, so I'm unable to talk to too many others about this. Hence why you're getting it! 

Thanks for listening/reading.

xx


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## angelica_wales (Oct 10, 2012)

So sorry you find yourself here  

This process puts a strain on even the strongest relationships... 

It's so tough putting on the mask every day and carrying on as if everything is ok.  Give yourself time to mourn the failure and take time with each other to discuss things and decide how you're going to move on.  You're stronger together

Feel free to rant as much as you want - we're good listeners even if we don't have all of the answers for you 

Take care 

Angelica 
xx


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## Zombie (May 7, 2014)

I totally second what's been said above.

The whole fertility issues/IVF thing is so tough. Personally I've found talking about it to be very helpful, but it's a very personal thing and you and your partner have to both be happy to share.

Pregnancy announcements are the hardest thing for me to deal with. For every one on ******** I cry in private and then eventually unfollow the 'friend' because I can't bear the updates. For family members, I've cried in private and had to walk away to hide my tears when the announcement has come in a social setting. It's hard, it hurts and it's very difficult for others to understand that you can't share wholly in their joy.

I can't quite understand why your friends would be telling you that they're basically going to be doing the horizontal tango while away....? Obviously I'm unsure if they are aware of your troubles, but even if they're not, to me it seems like an odd thing to throw out there. "_Come away with us for the weekend, but please excuse our shagging like rabbits, we're trying to make a baby...._" Gross and weird (Sorry if they're good friends, I just think it's odd).

With regard for your other half, have you had a calm chat about how you're feeling and why you said what you did? It's so hard when you're angry and hurt and both yelling at each other, but maybe it's worth taking some time to de-brief your row? Go over what's been said and done and be able to honestly and calmly talk about how you're both feeling.

Unfortunately, fertility problems put a massive strain on relationships and it's very difficult to take a step back and remember that whatever the reason for the problems, you're in it together and need to keep things strong, because you'll both need each other to get through this and will certainly need each other when that elusive baby arrives.

There are times when I feel like DH doesn't get what I'm going through, purely because he's really pants at communicating his feelings and this makes me so cross, but I have to remember that in a way he doesn't know what it's like. To have strangers probing your chuff every other day; he doesn't know what it's like to be so hormonal that you're irritating even yourself; doesn't know what it's like to have to inject, take drugs and suffer the side effects; doesn't know how it feels when your body fails you. He doesn't know what it's like to be in your head during the two week wait; doesn't understand that every symptom you get, you'll over analyse and obsess over. He definitely won't understand how you feel when you've convinced yourself that it's worked and then you get the test result and it's negative; how your world comes crashing down around your ears and makes you feel like nothing. He definitely won't know what it feels like to get your period after that cycle and how angry and resentful you'll feel at your body working the way it should at the end of your cycle, but not working properly and conceiving a much wanted baby. I'm afraid that men just don't get it.

With regard to being all full in the head of weird stuff (aren't we all?), have you got access to counselling at all or would it be something you'd consider? It may help to be able to talk about everything in a controlled and confidential environment. Also, what have you done recently that's just for you? Have you spent any time pampering yourself, or even indulged in a day to sulk, cry and rant?
I know that I've been so focused on the IVF and had my life on hold since mid march that I've forgotten to look after me. I'm actually thinking of going for a massage to try and relax and do something nice just for myself. Perhaps that may be something helpful to you.

I hope that you and your partner are able to work through this and that you can begin to heal from it all.

big hugs
xxxxxx


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