# Rose quartz bfn club



## bumpylady

Hi everyone, I thought here would be a good place to express how we feel rather than on the group. I guess those with their bfp or cycling will eventually get fed up of hearing our despair.

I had my bfn last month and although I was prepared for it I wasn't prepared for how I would feel after.


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## Jam&amp;Cream

*Bumpy*, what a good idea, I do think that most will understand on the thread though. Most have been there before and know how hard it is. 
I know I'm still cycling but it's still hard, the only thing that's keeping me going is the hope that it might just be our turn to be happy. I feel quite sick when I think about it being another negative test. Big hugs to you.  Xx


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## bumpylady

I will still post in the group as everyone has been great but I don't want those who are cycling or have a bfp to feel uncomfortable. Some of us get pretty depressed and down and if I was cycling or had a bfp I would find it hard seeing such heartbreaking posts.
I guess this way we can all have a good moan and support one another until we are ready to move forward.
I will be popping back to see how you get on, after so much negative news a bit of good news is long overdue.


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## misswoo

Hi ladies 

Love the BFN group! Somewhere to vent!

How are you both today?

Xx


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## bumpylady

I'm ok thanks, today has probably been one of the better days so far but I always wonder what mood I will be in the following day.


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## Jam&amp;Cream

Ha I love a good moan. My best friend must have the patience of a saint   She's been super, she's on holiday at the moment and I'm really missing her. She's not got any children and she doesn't want any but she's by far the most understanding person I've come across through the whole process xx


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## bumpylady

I wish I had someone I could moan too in person, that's why I love coming here. Everyone is either going trough it or been through it.

I set up a ** profile just for IVF and to join groups without it showing in my newsfeed. It was a blessing at the time but now it feels like a curse.
Going through treatment I was so excited to see the BFP being posted in all of the groups and it gave me hope. After getting the BFN I feel the new profile was a curse and was haunting me. The first few BFP in my news feed wasn't so bad but then when the reality hit home that I wasn't one of those I couldn't stand seeing them. It hurt and I kept thinking why them and not me. I felt awful for thinking that because why not them, why not anyone. 

Then when your out and about there are pregnant ladies and baby's everywhere, you notice them even more. It's a reminder of your pain.
My escape was work, we never have baby's in court. So I thought anyway but Sod's law last week a couple had to bring their 7 week old baby because they couldn't get child care. It broke my heart and I wanted to cry but I blinked back the tears and asked them questions about baby's age and name. I'm really proud I held it together but when I got home I broke down.

I also had a leaflet through the door saying morrisons were doing half price on baby stuff and the whole leaflet had pages of stuff. Talk about rubbish timing, if I would have been home when it was put through my door I'd have probably ran outside and shoved it in the persons face.


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## BeckyA

Hello ladies, hope I can join even though i wasn't technically a BFN...not even getting to ET was a real kick in the teeth to be honest.  Also feel angry still that last IUI was cancelled as there were 4 or 5 follies, going on results fromIVF that would not have been a problem...just keep thinking if they had only done it, then 
I would be due in the next month...


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## Jam&amp;Cream

I think there must be some sort of database with all of our names on it so they can send us everything you really don't want to see. I get constant emails from the likes of mothercare, toys r us, baby gap. It's quite relentless, I always end up looking at them and getting more upset   there's was also nearly a million pregnant women in sainsburys today when we went and tomorrow my nephews coming to visit for his presents and birthday cake. He'll be 2 on Friday, the day of our one and only fet xx


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## bumpylady

Becky I'm glad you came, I should have renamed it something else really.
I was fed up and really angry when they cancelled my cycle.
I also keep thinking what ifs and it really messes with your head.
Jam it must be some sort of database, I get the same emails and mark them as spam and then a new lot appears.


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## BeckyA

Thanks bumpy. I can't remember if you said on here if you have had or are having a follow up meeting to see what went wrong? (And you too miss woo?) no such luck here in spain, they don't do that, just got to wait for clinic to open on 1st sept and see when they will start next cycle for us. Depends on AF timing and also at the end of 
Sept they have a week holiday as it's the wine harvest (i live in in Rioja land!) so they aren't open then either. We have 2 more free goes, and then we will have to go private.


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## bumpylady

I have to wait 8 weeks for mine, I asked for one sooner and the nurse said "having a follow up sooner won't make your treatment start any sooner".
How bloody rude, I wanted to ask questions while they were still fresh, it had nothing to do with starting sooner.
My follow up is also in September. I am glad we still have cycles but I'm really unhappy with the clinic but I'm not sure if I can change clinic now because of the funding.


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## BeckyA

Yeah, mine is spanish version of nhs so not got any choice about clinic unless we go private and as DH is unemployed there really isn't much chance of that. Have been pretty happy with them really apart from silly long breaks over the summer and also not going ahead with the lats IUI. Hopefully next cycle they will have learnt from this one.
Hope you wrote all your questions down? Very rude of the nurse, some just dont have any tact do they!? (Some are great as well!)


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## bumpylady

Yes, I have a long list of questions which keeps growing everyday.


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## Jam&amp;Cream

*Bumpy*, if you find the number for the 'Effective use of a Resources Team' for your CCG you can ring them and ask if they work with any private providers. I did even though my funding has already been agreed at St Mary's and I've been for appts, I'm currently in the process of getting it moved to a private provider. I'm sure St Mary's are great but when I went they didn't even take my name the first time, just have me a number  and it was 13  they also address everything to Mr and Mrs Jam which infuriates me  Dp even got a letter addressed correctly to her for the first time asking her to go in and give a sperm sample  Really there's no words. Xx


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## teapot73

Hi, girls, I would like to join the club if possible. I did not post in the June thread but was reading it and feel so sorry for all BFNs. It was our 6th fresh IVF cycle in June and no implantation again (and nothing to freeze). As I was really positive about that cycle the failure hit me very hard. I only managed to cope with avalanche of emotions when started planning the next cycle, probably my last one with own eggs. I am hoping to have a hysteroscopy later this month and probably will try intralipids with the next attempt though my consultant is not very keen to use them as I have no proven immune issues. I guess the hardest thing is to stay positive when no exact problem was found so there is nothing to fix (and so many attempts did not result even in chemical). Big hug to everybody recovering from their BFNs


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## bumpylady

Omg Jam that sounds so similar to my clinic. I'll let you know all the things they have done later. I overslept so having to rush to get ready.

Teapot welcome. 
The stay positive part is impossible, I got really fed up of hearing people say that.
I still have tons of questions over why mine didn't implant. This is a cruel journey when it goes wrong.

Sorry I can't talk properly but I will be back later.


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## spudlin

Can I please join too?

I too was part of the original thread at one time, but I stopped after our failed cycle as it didn't seem the right place to post.

Our cycle in June ended at EC with no eggs   despite scans showing follies at correct sizes. However immediately after the procedure we were told my oestrogen levels were never that great during stimms and maybe only indicative of 1 egg, if any!!!

So, it is our follow up tomorrow, on my birthday!! What I want to know is why on earth our cycle was not cancelled and why I was put through EC with very little potential for any eggs. 

Not only is there the heartache of waking up to discover that news, but there is also the financial implication. Cycles cancelled prior to EC receive a much larger refund than those cancelled prior to transfer!!! I want to ask this question, although my beloved hubby keeps saying it isn't about the money, bless him. We are fortunate that we are not too strapped for cash, however that money could go towards another cycle. It isn't a never ending pot!!!!

Deep breaths all round ready for tomorrow. I had also secretly hoped for a miracle bfp after a failed cycle (not unheard of). No such luck


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## bumpylady

Hi *spudlin* I re bet you on the original thread.
I think they go ahead with it even they know it will fail because at the end of the day it is a business, it's all about the money. I believe it is anyway.

Ask all them questions at your follow up. When I go for mine I'm going to tell them all things I wasn't happy with. 
At my clinic I believe they have too many patients. On ec day my notes were not even read, my dp was handed a pot and told to go and give his sample. He had TESE and his spermatozoa was frozen.
I had a trainee do my scan, I had over 35 follicles, I asked if this would be a problem and was told no. On ec they told me they had to freeze all.
I was never given I do on OHSS! They said I should have had it in my info pack, it wasn't. The snuck one in with my follow up letter.
I haven't been able to get counselling from them. 
The list goes on.

I hope your follow up goes ok, keep us updated.


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## Jam&amp;Cream

*Spudlin*, I don't understand why they didn't cancel neither? We're at the same clinic aren't we? They wanted to cancel mine because my oestrogen levels weren't high enough. It was us that were persistent about carrying on. 
I don't think they are just after your money, they were quite happy to stop us and refund she even said you'll get a much better refund before collection than after, but to us the money is irrelevant and we wanted to carry on. Even with the negative result I'm still glad we carried on. 
I hope you get some answers tomorrow. Xx

*Bumpy*, it sounds like you have had many issues and problems with your clinic. I really would look at moving if you can. Xx


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## Jam&amp;Cream

Am really fed up today. My nephews been to visit which was lovely, he's such a delight but just reminds me what we've not got. He's my brothers third, and they was just like oh yes we're going to have another, I think we'll have one before next summer! 
Was sat before and I just had a feeling come over me that this ones not going to work neither   I was really looking forward to tomorrow but now I don't even know if there's any point   xx


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## bumpylady

Oh Jam don't give up,  this time could be your time. 
It's hard hearing things like that from people who conceive so easy and I don't think the realise the upset they cause.
I have a good feeling Jam


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## teapot73

Jam, good luck for tomorrow, keeping fingers crossed for you!


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## Jam&amp;Cream

Thank you. I'm hoping I'm just nervous and I'm not slipping into that pit of despair again. 
I also had to listen to many stories of labour and other delights that I've no idea about from my brother, sister in law and grandma. None of them know what we're doing though so there was no maliciousness intended. 
I did have to set the sister in law straight when she started telling me about a friend that had ivf and 'had loads of eggs put back, because that's what they do to try and get them pregnant, and I wouldn't do it, it's messing with nature and more than 80% have twins, triplets or quads'   really? Are you sure? 
Absolute madness what some people think we do and what goes on. Xx


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## spudlin

Ah Jam keep strong.

Rellies who don't know are a pain, but even worse are rellies that do know and still put a giant foot in their mouth. It is almost like ivf is something that shouldn't be discussed!!! My mum is a prime example, then wonders why I don't willingly talk about it with her.

We are at manchester fertility in cheadle. They have all been so lovely, but it has really bothered me about the low oestrogen and not being asked if we wanted to continue. Who knows maybe I would've said yes, but would have been nice to have been given that option.

I agree it is a business for them, but it is our lives. Like I already said, we are not poor but we do not have an endless pit of money either  

Lets see what tomorrow brings, lets hope I get a pleasant birthday surprise


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## Jam&amp;Cream

I remembered you were there too. I don't understand why they didn't give you the choice? On my first bloods and scan they said the level wasn't as high as they'd like, on the second they wanted us to cancel or convert to iui, I only had one lead follicle and my levels still weren't great. We were both adamant that we wanted to continue so the nurse spoke to the doctor who said we could carry on. 
I don't think it's just a business to them, I think some may just treat it as a job but that's not been my experience. I think it's sad and disappointing that they've made you feel it is though. Good luck tomorrow. We're there just after lunch. Xx


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## bumpylady

Is it your follow up tomorrow spudlin? How recent was your negative if you don't mind me asking


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## spudlin

Jam, we are there at 2  

Up until the EC farce I felt very well cared for, which is why we need to ask the question. It may well have just been an oversight on someones part, after all we are all only human. I can't not ask can I?

Bumpy, are failed cycle was in June x


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## bumpylady

Of course you need to ask spudlin. Unanswered questions are the worst.
My follow up is about the same time as yours, I had a BFN the end of last month and follow up next month. 
There was a good pinned post on one of these forums with a list of questions to ask, I wrote a few down  mainly on the quality of our eggs and dp sperm. I want to ask about pre genetic testing too .


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## BeckyA

Hi *jam*, i already said it on the other post but good luck for today.

And *spudlin*, happy birthday! Hope you get your questions answered, and then have a lovely day.


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## Jam&amp;Cream

*Becky*, thanks again  X

*Spudlin*, ask away. There's no point coming away wondering, you need some definite answers as to why things happened. Good luck. X


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## spudlin

Thanks guys, good luck to you today too jam, who knows we may actually cross paths, although you will be downstairs and I will be upstairs  

I saw the post about questions and not many seemed relevant to us. We only really have that one question to ask about not cancelling the cycle, the rest seems pretty straightforward, we already know they want to do short protocol this time, so just need the go ahead to crack on with it.

I have been very spoiled so far, lots of lovely gifts


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## Jam&amp;Cream

*Spudlin*, happy birthday, I forgot earlier  X


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## Jam&amp;Cream

This cycles definitely over for us. Our penguin didn't defrost properly. She said it started to go dark when they took it out and it got worse when they put it in the culture. There was something else she said but I can't remember. 
I feel like I'm being punished and that it will never work. I'm glad I've got next week off. I feel heartbroken and devastated. I'd love to know what I've don't to deserve this horrible pain. Xx


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## Little Rie

Hi Jam, I feel so utterly gutted for you. I doubt that nothing I can say will make you feel any different at the moment. Like you say, at least you have next week off work to be able to have some time to adjust with your feelings. You most certainly don't deserve this path, none of us do. 


No help to any of you, nor me at the moment, but I have always truly believed that things (good & bad) happen at that particular time for a reason. We may not know that reason just yet, but that it'll all become clear(er) one day. I have always believed this, but it's sometihing I am currently struggling to believe since our BFN. 


Big virtual hugs to you all x


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## bumpylady

Jam I'm so sorry.  I totally understand your feeling of being punished but you're not, it's just bad things sometimes happen to good people. 

Littlerie you are helping by just replying, we are all in this together  and understand how each other feel. 

Even the strongest of people would struggle with this, it's a very hard journey.


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## spudlin

Thanks jam and I'm gutted for you hun.

I hate to agree but I too believe things happen for a reason in life, but you are entitled to feel utterly poo  

Our appt seemed to go very quickly, he said they were right to go ahead last time and would do again, despite oestrogen not being great as they have had women the same and got eggs   It really is our lives in their eyes eh?

Well as predicted it is short protocol this time in the hope that last time was due to being too shut down. Aiming to start stimms beginning of Sept   this is when all the mix of emotions start again    

Extra   for Jam xx


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## Jam&amp;Cream

*Spudlin*, who's your consultant? It was Anamika that was happy for us to continue. I spoke to Dr Polson and he was happy too. I suppose they do know best, or at least we hope they do. 
We will carry on. As far as I'm concerned there's no other way for us to get what we want. Xx


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## Jam&amp;Cream

I'm totally fed up  
Probably not the best day to watch 'in the club'. Ive eaten a full packet of biscuits too. Gym tomorrow, I've absolutely no excuse to look like this now. I definitely resemble a space hopper   xx


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## teapot73

Oh Jam I was so hoping your blast would thaw, very sorry to hear your news today, big virtual hug  
Spudlin, Happy Birthday! @->>
I feel very down today and don't really know what to say. I am hoping to start a new protocol in September and there are so many things which need to be sorted before that (work, finances, etc) that sometimes it feels that it would be easier just to give up.


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## Jam&amp;Cream

*Teapot*, don't give up, that's what it wants us to do. Just do a bit at a time. 
How did you find Care? Were they good? I've asked to move my funding to there from St Mary's. They won't let us move it to Manchester Fertility


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## Jam&amp;Cream

There's pregnant people everywhere on the tv. I've turned it off and come to bed. Dps at work so I'm feeling lonely and sorry for myself. And to top it off I can hear the new baby next door but 1   god it's everywhere, you can't get away from it. X


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## bumpylady

Hi Jam, I think I'm going to ask to move clinic too but what soh oils I do about my 1 frozen embryo, could they move that too or should I try with that one first


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## teapot73

Jam&Cream said:


> *Teapot*, don't give up, that's what it wants us to do. Just do a bit at a time.
> How did you find Care? Were they good? I've asked to move my funding to there from St Mary's. They won't let us move it to Manchester Fertility


Hi, Jam, CARE was good (in my opinion much more personalised than Hewitt Centre in Liverpool) and it was convenient to use their Bolton satellite clinic for scans and medication, I just was not sure if their embryology was OK as I expected approx. 90% fertilisation with ICSI but we only got 60% both times. I was also a bit disappointed that after 2 fresh protocols they wanted to do the 3d one almost exactly the same and I just did not feel it was right. We have changed clinic since but I read CARE thread and it seems that a lot of girls get BFP there.


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## Jam&amp;Cream

When we want to St Mary's they said we could either leave our frozen one where it was and use it at that clinic or move it to them and use it. We just left and used it where it was. 
You do have to use the frozen ones before starting a fresh cycle though. Ours were insistent about that and said it's the same everywhere. X


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## Jam&amp;Cream

*Teapot*, is that average 90%? X


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## teapot73

Jam&Cream said:


> *Teapot*, is that average 90%? X


To be honest I don't know the exact statistics but I think it should be around 90% for mature eggs, sorry if Im wrong.


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## Jam&amp;Cream

I've had a quick look. Most places say anything between 60-85% for fertilisation. When we had ours they said above 60% was good. X


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## teapot73

Jam&Cream said:


> I've had a quick look. Most places say anything between 60-85% for fertilisation. When we had ours they said above 60% was good. X


Oh OK - since we moved clinic all my mature eggs got fertilised with ICSI (100%) - unfortunately implantation still did not happen though


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## spudlin

Jam, I thought you were at Manchester Fertility too??

It was Dr Polson, he is really nice, they all seem to be and what he said made sense. 

If we weren't on this journey I would be lovin 'in the club', I love her stuff like the syndicate and fat friends. Who knows if we are ever lucky I can watch it on I player


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## ayah

Just up and post watching. So sorry to read of your recent BFNs.  Our BFN buddies group recently moved to a long term buddies group.  We formed in December last year and we found it invaluable,  so glad that you can support each other too.  A bfn is one of the hardest  things Ive ever had to go through.  No matter how prepaired we think we are.

Becky I appricate that it must be very diffucult knowing that you could be due next month if the last iui had proceed but even in the UK they will not proceed with more than three follis.  Theres increased liklyhood of eggs splitting, again increaseing likelihood of multipuls, The risks are just to great of a multipul that may not end well.  In ivf they remove the eggs and limit ET to a max of two.  Sorry if you know all this but still feeling the pain of what could have been.  In an attempt to help I can say the worst thing.  So Im truely sorry if I have.  I guess nothing can releave that hurt we feel when such date approaches.  I hope that you have supoort around you.

Well 8 months on and on our group we have several bfps and praying that everyone else gets there too.  And I truely hope that your group will be able to celabrate evetyones bfp to LO really soon.  

Take care of yourselves ladies and be gentle on yourselves.  You are all stronge and wonderful women, never forget your strength to go on.

Sincere wishes to you all
Ayah xxx


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## Jam&amp;Cream

*Ayah*, thank you got your kind words. X congratulations on your pregnancy. All the luck in the world to you. X

*Spudlin*, I am at MF, I was just at St Mary's having a consultation. I've still been going through for the nhs funding in case this didn't work. I'm trying to move my funding to Care though. My ccg has a contract with them, my gps sent the forms of once but they want more info so I'm back with him on Monday. 
Dr Polson is a delight, he's was my consultant at Salford Royal then I seen him at MF too. He was really good, did my laparoscopy and my EC in May. 
Are you happy that they'd do the same again? I suppose they do know a tad more than us. Despite us reading what we can get our hands on and the expert advice of Dr Google  xx


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## Jam&amp;Cream

I'm going to go to the gym now. All these drugs have made a mess of me. This is the start of it, I'm going to take control. We've both got a week off in October so were going to go and sit on a beach somewhere. Were both of this coming week but one of the cats isn't well so I won't leave her. Anyway I don't want to be looking like a Space Hopper so I'll have to do something about it. Xx


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## spudlin

Ye Jam, I guess if we had been going through this years ago we wouldn't have google and we would entrust ourselves fully to our docs.

It must be annoying for them, I know I get a bit twitchy when my clients google. Fortunately I work in quite a deprived area and the clients hold us in quite high regard so very rarely caught off guard by something they read on the internet  

The only downside to no internet would be that we all would not have cyber met and supported each other  

I have now decided to not google any more and only do ff for support and try and put our fertility in their hands  

A jolly always cheers you up. We are off camping again next week, think i may need wellies this time though. We were very lucky last time


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## Jam&amp;Cream

2 more pregnancy announcements today    one of them only had that implant thingamajig removed 3 weeks ago. Every one I hear about is like a punch to the stomach. Surely it should be the turn for the likes of us first, or is that really naughty and i can't say that?   I hate feeling like this. I told myself I was just going to try and ignore what happened yesterday and try and get on with life, I don't think it will work like that. Sorry for the miserable post everyone. Xx


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## bumpylady

Don't be sorry jam, think we are all pretty miserable at the moment.


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## spudlin

Stay strong Jam.

We had to endure the family today, a celebration of the birth of my nephew, born in Feb!!! Don't really do family stuff with my lot, both my sister in laws are cows and the mother of the baby is an old nasty work colleague of mine and we barely speak, so not much fun had there lol. Nice food though  

Off to watch inbetweeners now so at least I will end the day with a smile or 2


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## Jam&amp;Cream

Ah I love The Inbetweeners   I can't bear the cinema though. Too many sniffling people, I get nervous   Enjoy yourself.  
I've decided I quite dislike most people at the moment, most are just plan rude or nasty   xx


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## misswoo

Jam, I also dislike most people right now. I have lots of not very nice thoughts going through my head. Not got time for many people at all.

I have taken myself out of the boards and ******** comments lately so sorry for being MIA. Am still hovering but just feel happier this way as I don't have to act fake! 

Xxx


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## bumpylady

Misswoo I feel the same  and although the feeling is not nice I find it comforting to know I'm not the only one.

Jam I'm dying to see that film but our local cinema during school holidays is awful, people throw popcorn at others and find it funny. I'll wait til it's out on DVD.


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## Jam&amp;Cream

*Woo*, I too am staying away from ******** for a while. 3 pregnancy announcements in one day! The 2 were bad enough then another in the past hour. It's too much   For you. Xx


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## Jam&amp;Cream

*Bumpy*, id stay away too, doesn't sound fun at all. X


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## bumpylady

I'm happy just being at home for now, spent the day helping a friend move house so it was a much needed distraction. 
DP has been amazing the past week, it hit him hard at first and when he had come to terms with it that's when I started to feel it. I guess at first I was being strong for him and now he's doing the same for me.


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## Candy x

Hope you don't mind me posting one here , just wanted to say I'm constantly reading all your updates and hearing about the tough days your having upsets me.
Just wanted to send my love to you all xxxxxx


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## Jam&amp;Cream

*Candy*, thank you, hope your all well. X

*Bumpy*, glad you've got each other. I don't know how people could go this by themselves. I couldn't cope. 
We've both got next week off, we'll try and keep busy, sitting thinking does me no favours. X


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## bumpylady

Candy it's nice that you've pooped in and still think about us. Hopefully one day our posts will make you smile instead of upset. 

Jam you're so right, if I didn't have DP I dread to think where I would be now.
Keeping busy has helped loads, I'm ok at work or when I'm busy doing things but the moment you sit down to relax the feelings slowly creep in.


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## Jam&amp;Cream

That thinking business is a nightmare. I burst into tears before at a picture of a Mr Bump babygro.   X


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## bumpylady

We went MK the other weekend and I had to leave. There were pregnant women and pushchairs everywhere. I held together until we got the car and just burst into tears. We had been there 2 hours and it just hit me out of no where.


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## Jam&amp;Cream

It's pooh. I'm dreading work. Loads of pregnant people everywhere   x


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## spudlin

Ladies, can I suggest watching the inbetweeners cos I seriously almost pee'd my pants it is so funny.

At one part I was laughing so hard I couldn't get my breath lol  

Definitely a distraction and the family lunch and baby celebration is a distant memory  

Candy, nice of you to drop by, glad you and babies are doing fine x


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## kj14

Hi ladies,
This is my first post on ff - but your thread has really struck a chord with me.
I have just had a bfn from my first IVF treatment (OTD was yesterday, but got AF on Tuesday). I did not expect to feel quite as low as I have felt over the last few days.
I can't really put into words just how overwhelmingly sad I feel.
At the moment, I can't imagine summoning up the energy to try again - I'm not sure I can go through this another time. However, I'm not sure I'm ready to give up on my dream of having a child, just yet.
It's so confusing.
I also haven't been happy with the treatment from my clinic - I called so many times on Thurs and Fri and eventually got a message from a disinterested nurse late yesterday afternoon. I have no idea if I should call back for a follow up appointment, or if they will call me or if I will never hear from them again. Not what you need when it just seems such a massive effort to get out of bed and put a brave face on for the world (no one wants to see a sobbing woman in the aisle of Tesco's!!).
Hope you don't mind me having a rant, it's just I don't know anyone who has been through this and unless you have done this, I don't think you could possibly understand the torture.
x


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## bumpylady

*kj14* what you're feeling is normal, you have described my feelings to a T.
I would call for a follow up. I also had problems with my clinic, too many to mention.i rang to give them the results and couldn't get through, left a voicemail and an email. Still no call back, when I rang and got through eventually the nurse said I should have been called back as my notes were updated. To me it felt like I've got my BFN so now even the clinic don't care!
This group is for us to have a rant and get away from the things we find seeing when we first get our BFN.
It's nearly 4 weeks since my BFN, I still get hard day and I think I will for a while. Like you I'm emotionally not ready to try again but I don't want to give up either. I'm still shocked at how hard it has hit me, the first few days I was fine because I think I was in denial.
Please moan and rant as much as you want, I think everyone needs to know that these feelings are normal.


----------



## misswoo

Kj14, so sorry to hear about your BFN  It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. I don't think you ever are prepared for this so a BFN will hit you like a ton of bricks. For me it wasn't immediately. I thought I was dealing with it but it took about a week or so after until I realised I wasn't coping with it.

You should phone your clinic and book a follow up appointment. You can ask all the questions that are in your head waiting to be answered and find out how they thought your cycle went. This should be offered as part of your treatment package. 

Don't give up on your dream. Every cycle is different and next time could be your go. I have to wait 6 months for my next go, I think 6 months is a good timescale because you can mentally prepare yourself again and give your body the time to recover. At first I was devastated at the long wait but now I realise I need that time.

If you don't mind me asking what clinic are you with? 

Take care and feel free to rant on here. We wanted this group to help people with BFN and a moan off about everything will help the healing process.

Take care xx


----------



## Little Rie

*ayah* & *Candy*, thank you for your words of support & encouragement.

*kj14*, like bumpylady & misswoo have said, this is most definitely the right board for you & to express those feelings. I wanted to let you know that your thoughts & feelings are something a lot of us, if not all, have experienced. Our first ISCI attempt ended with the BFFN officially on the 23rd June. Despite AF arriving on the 21st I still sobbed my heart out after the BFN phone call from the clinic. I was ok for about 7-10 days then became intensely obsessed & depressed. I have posted very dark replies on FF, and never received a negative response. FF has truly been my lifeline. This is the only thread I can bring myself to read, and I removed myself from ******** a few days after our BFN. Time has mellowed my feelings, and I said during that first cycle that I wouldn't repeat it (for various reasons), but having just returned from a blow-out week away, we are both going to fully throw ourselves into improving our lifestyles, concentrating on something else other than treatment, and just each other. At the moment I feel comfortable with trying again in October. Huge hugs to you, hope you are able to give yourself some time. 

Huge hugs to *bumpylady, BeckyA, Jam&Cream, misswoo, spudlin, & teapot 73 *- I hope you all aren't feeling too low today & are able to remember why you are in a relationship with your partners, go & spend quality time with each other and then re-evaluate what you want from your lives together  

The other day I posted that I believe everything happens at that particular time for a reason, and although we may not realise what that reason is, one day it will become clear or clearer. The very next day I got a glimpse of why our BNF may have happened when it did. We rent in Dorset, unable to save a big enough deposit due to house prices. My parents live in Blackpool & have had their property on the market for three years. The intend to sell to move to Dorset but don't want to take out a mortgage, nor will they have enough profit from sale of their property to buy outright. The idea was to sell, and then give me my 'inheritance' for our deposit so that DH & I can buy a property big enough for the four of us. The idea is that they have their own completely self-contained annex, otherwise it won't work. So, after my post the other day, they joined us on our week away and said they'd finally sold their property & my 'inheritance' is £xx. We can now truly concentrate on finding somewhere for all of us, and then we'll have a free babysitter when LO arrives after a future successful cycle


----------



## teapot73

*Little Rie*, thank you so much for your kind post! Keeping fingers crossed for your plans to buy a house! You are absolutely right about trying to appreciate what good things we have in our lives. So far I haven't found a reason why we haven't been successful yet (and the last protocol was at the same time as my Mum had chemo so I thought if we got a BFP it would be such a great thing to cheer her up - she does not have any grandchildren yet but it was not meant to be ). I guess at some point it might become clear why it's not our time yet. Wishing everybody a peaceful and relaxing weekend! xx


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

Hi everyone. Hope your all doing ok, hugs to you all   Xx


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

Quiet on here recently. Hope your all ok. Xx


----------



## bumpylady

Hi Jam, I'm good. Have thrown myself i to work as a distraction and its worked well.
How are you?


----------



## bumpylady

Received my treatment report in the post yesterday, I was a bit upset at the reminder that it failed but hey ho.
It says the number of embryos tranferred
#1 (1) stage blastocyst grade 3BC
#3 (3) stage blastocyst grade 4BB

They seemed like good grades but it just wasn't meant to be.


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

It's [email protected] isn't it. I was seriously pi$$ed off when the consultant told me the cycle was textbook and that my 3 blasts were outstanding. Maybe if it hadn't of gone do well I wouldn't of got my hopes up and dealing the negative might of been a bit easier? 
At least you know that you should get some good embryos next time too. Hopefully lovely sticky ones. Xx


----------



## bumpylady

I was told the same, I think that's what makes it harder to deal with after. It's kind of giving you false hope in a way. 
I still have a frostie left so I may have to use that before starting a fresh.
I'm just glad I have started to feel better, I still have the odd wobble but it is true, time is a healer


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

We was told that any frosties have to be used before a fresh cycle is started when having treatment through nhs. X


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

Time definitely is too I think. 
I'm sort of glad that our frostie didn't survive the thaw last week too instead of resulting in a bfn. I think this has been a lot easier to deal with. X


----------



## bumpylady

Are you going to try again?


----------



## Little Rie

Jam & bumpy, I completely understand what you mean. Our cycle was textbook, and so I was very positive that it would work. Unfortunately not. Big hugs ladies


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

As soon as we can! 
I rang them Grumpy people again about my funding again today. She was so rude! Luckily I didn't even get to give my name before I put the phone down. She said she couldn't possibly speak to me and tell me what info they are missing still   no doubt they'll still be something they're not happy with. If they send it back again I'm definitely getting in touch with PALS. I don't understand what the problem is. 
When are you going again? X


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

*Rie*, it's pooh isn't it. 
I suppose we should be thankful that we've not had to go through the awful experiences that some on here have had though. X


----------



## Little Rie

That is true Jam, I was so gutted to read KALMs news today


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

I said earlier, if I do get a BFP I'm going to be a nervous wreck. All the worrying starts again, it's just a different type. X


----------



## bumpylady

I will try again but at the moment I'm not ready, I have only just got back to feeling normal so I want to enjoy it for a while.
Pals are great, they were amazing with us.

Littlerie if they tell me next time that it's all textbook I dread to think what I would say.
It just goes to show that no matter how well things go the outcome is still 50/50


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## Jam&amp;Cream

A breaks definitely good for you. I just feel I need to get on. I keep thinking what if it doesn't work? Any of the goes and I need donor eggs or something? I need to be getting a wiggle on, I've not got forever. X


----------



## bumpylady

Jam I keep thinking the same, I think because of the BFN it makes you worry more about the next cycle failing and any others.  It's terrifying thinking about it sometimes.
I am excited at the thought of another cycle but at the same time I'm still having negative thoughts. I was so convinced that my cycle would work and when they said they were putting back 2 I honestly thought at least one would stick. 
I still have 4 weeks until my follow up and I'm hoping they change a few things, especially the crinone.


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

What's the crinone for? 
I didn't really want to change anything but when we went to St Mary's they said I'd have to be on the long protocol because my amh has risen by 9 points!   I'm still not convinced about this at all. If we do end up having treatment there and we can't move the funding I'm going to get it retested to be sure. 
I didn't mind the short protocol, 13 days and it was all over and done with. 
I think the negative thoughts may last a while. I was in a foul mood yesterday and I know it's because I was thinking about it all. I would of been 12 weeks now, I'd love to be in that position. Doesn't help that a friend of ours is due the same week we would of been and they had just started trying, in fact she'd only had the coil removed 3 weeks previous. Just all seems so unfair   xx


----------



## misswoo

Hi ladies! 

Hope you are all ok!

Bumpy, hope you can change the crinone. I managed to change it to cyclogest for next time just be saying i didnt want it as it caused BV. Hope these 4 weeks pass quickly for you.

Jam, do you know when you will be starting again? Really hope it doesnt lead to donor eggs. 

Little rie, how you doing?

I am off work sick today  I can't move my neck and shouldr/arm without being in pain. Could be trapped nerve? Have a docs appointment at 11. 

Xxx


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## Jam&amp;Cream

Morning. X 
What's BV? 
I'm waiting for my clinic to email over my blood results and then they need sending of to these that make the decision about whether i can move my funding. Why they needs blood and scan results I don't know why. It's irrelevant what the results are I'll still need ivf. If they write asking for a semen analysis again I might lose the will to live!  
Good luck at the doctors, does sound like a trapped nerve. 
I'm of to the Ophthalmic clinic to see if I need laser surgery after scratching my eye last summer, it just isn't healing   xx


----------



## BeckyA

Morning ladies. Sorry been a bit quiet, just flew back to UK yesterday for a 2week visit to see friends and family. Really happy about this as it will keep my mind off all things IVF, hopefully....
It was also my birthday last Monday. I wasn't too happy about that really, kept thinking another year down and still not a mummy!  I was 33 when we started TTC and now I'm nearer 40...depressing!
Hope you are all well this Friday.
X


----------



## bumpylady

*becky* it's nice to hear from you, was getting worried as you hadn't posted for a while. Sorry it's late but happy birthday. Fingers crossed we all get the chance to be a mummy soon.

*jam* crinone is the progesterone, it's a yucky gel that goes in the front goal. 
It annoys me how some people can get pregnant so easy especially the ones who were not even trying. 
All of them tests sound so annoying, I hope all is resolved soon.

*misswoo* I'm glad you told me about the cyclogest, I'm going to ask for that.
Ouch about the trapped nerve, I get it in my lower back and it's awful, get plenty of rest.

*littlerie* there has been so much bad new of recent, it's heartbreaking.

*teapot* how are you doing?


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## Jam&amp;Cream

*Becky*, enjoy your visit. Hope you get there before your next birthday. X

*Bumpy*, I had the cyclogest, that crinone sounds messier. I don't suppose any of them are pleasant though. 
I've been to the gp, think they're wanting a day 21 blood test now  I personally think they're taking the pi$$ now  I asked the lady who does the referral paperwork if I should get in touch with PALS and she said if she can't sort it soon then yes.

*MissWoo*, hope you got sorted at the doctors? X

Hi everyone else. Hope your all good. Xx


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## teapot73

Good evening, sorry I haven't posted, has been feeling low, stressed and PMS-y. I had hysteroscopy on Monday (with endo scratch and cervix dilation as the canal is too narrow and ET is always problematic and traumatic), glad it was under sedation. I am on HRT now for the rest of the month and then hopefully start stimming when the next period starts. Over the past few days I have had doubts whether it's too early to start a new protocol as I don't think now that I properly recovered from the recent failure.

*Misswoo*, wishing you the soonest recovery from the trapped nerve x
*Bumpylady*, hope your follow up is informative and answers all your questions, 4 weeks will go quickly.
*Becky*, happy belated birthday!
*Jam*, I cannot believe they are re-doing your bloods again, day 21 progesterone is to confirm ovulation, cannot understand why they need it if you are doing IVF.


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## Jam&amp;Cream

*teapot*, this is what I said! The only conditions of us receiving nhs funding is that we self fund 6 attempts at iui. We did this and finished in February. They're just dragging it out. All the test results are irrelevant, they want a scan to see if my tubes are clear? It doesn't matter if they are or not, it doesn't matter if I haven't got any or not. Nothing will change, I'll still need ivf. 
I had the scratch last month. Glad you had sedation, sounds like you needed it. Do you have to cycle now? Would you prefer to wait? Maybe you'll feel better as you get on, it could be nerves? I think I'll be nervous when we start again, worrying far too much about everything. 
Best of luck, take care. Xx


----------



## angelica_wales

Hi ladies

Just a quick note to introduce myself. I'm your moderator in the negative cycles & in between treatment thread

I'm in a similar position as you guys as you can see from my signature. I'm due to be starting a new cycle soon with EC booked for Sept 15th

If there's anything I can help you with please shout. I'm still getting to grips with everything but I'll do my best 

Looking forward to getting to know you all more

Angelica xx


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## teapot73

*Jam*, I am already on estrogen priming and got Menopur to start stimms with the next period, so I guess there is no way of postponing it. I also have to arrange all treatment around my colleagues leave which makes it very tricky. I think I just hit a bad phase at the moment when everything seems very dark and pessimistic. Thank you for the support, hope all your tests for NHS funded cycle can be done very quickly xx
*Angelica*, nice to meet you  best of luck with your treatment in September, it looks like my EC could be mid-September as well xx


----------



## bumpylady

Hi angelica, just read your signature and have everything crossed for your next cycle.
It's nice to have a moderator join us.

Teapot sound like you've had a hard few days, what was the endo scratch like?
I hope you are resting lots


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

*Angelica*, hi and best of luck. If anyone gets a move on with my funding I'd like to cycle next month too, if not hopefully October. X

*Teapot*, hope today's been a brighter day for you. I think we all hit a wall now and again, fingers crossed you'll be back on track soon. X

*Bumpy*, hope your good today. X

I'm back at work tomorrow after 2 weeks off  can't say I'm relishing the thought at all but needs must. Xx


----------



## bumpylady

I'm good thanks jam, how are you?
I got my hair cut and dyed back to my original colour, I forgot how dark it was.
I'm planning what to do with my week off after this week, we were going to have a mini holiday but dp has to go in hospital for his iv antibiotics. He's doing 2 days in hospital and the rest if the meds at home.


----------



## teapot73

bumpylady said:


> ....Teapot sound like you've had a hard few days, what was the endo scratch like?
> I hope you are resting lots


Hi, *bumpylady*, I had hysteroscopy with a scratch under deep sedation so did not feel a thing , my consultant might be able to do another scratch (without sedation this time) on day 21 of the cycle. The main reason for hysteroscopy was to dilate my cervical canal as its extremely narrow plus goes into spasm during ET so Drs always struggle and its very painful for me (especially when they emphasise that I need to relax ).
*Jam*, you were right, I feel better today, had a haircut and did a bit of shopping to cheer myself up  x


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

I'm good thanks. Up early for the gym before work. There's no way I'm going on holiday in October looking like this. I've got 8 weeks  
I won't be going though if we have the chance if treatment though 

*Bumpy*, big hugs to you and dp, it must be so hard sometimes.  That you get that precious wish next time. Xx

*Teapot*, my scratch was really awkward too. She said it was the worse she'd ever done and if she'd known she would of took me to theatre and knocked me out it given me gas and air. I'll still have it next time though. Xx


----------



## angelica_wales

Thanks for the welcome ladies 

Jam - I can't believe you're up at 5.30 to go to the gym!  Good on you! I've gained so much weight over the last 2 years.  I lose some then start another cycle and gain it all back again and then some! 

Not liking your stories of getting a scratch!  I'm having my first scratch on the 27th...


----------



## bumpylady

Morning ladies, how is everyone today?
I've only had 1 failed IVF so I don't think they would agree to me having the scratch, I guess I'd have anything if it made my dream come true.

Jam you are an early bird, I stay in bed as late as possible on weekends.

Found a lovely quote this morning and thought I'd share it

Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness, yet still become something beautiful.


----------



## Little Rie

*Angelica*, welcome to this thread & I'm am sorry at the same time that you find yourself on a BNF thread. Good luck with the EC mid-Sept! Good luck with your endo scratch.

*BeckyA*, welcome back & a belated happy birthday! I understand what you say about age & TTC. I always had an idea that we'd have babies by now, but we have to keep delaying that 'ideal' age, lol. We have put a final, final date on ourselves, and thankfully that's still 7yrs away. Not sure if I can cope with another 7yrs though....

*Bumpy*, where are you planning on your mini break? Do you have any other nice plans for your week off? Hope your DP antibiotics go well. That's a beautiful quote, thanks for sharing.

*Jam&Cream*, BV is Bacterial Vaginosis. Good luck with having your funding moved Have you received your email results from your clinic yet? I too would second contacting PALS, that's what they are there for and as an NHS clinician I signpost a lot of our patients there if they have a complaint about the way our service is run (not if it's about me though lol!) PALS are an amazing supportive service to both patients and clinicians. How did you get on with your eye clinic appointment? That eye sounds painful. Hope your first day back today is going ok. I'm impressed with the early gym start! Where are you going on holiday?

*Kj14*, how are you keeping? Not seen you for a while, thinking of you 

*Misswoo*, thanks for asking after me how are you? How did it go at the doctors and how's the neck/arm pain? Sounds horrible.

*Spudlin*, hope you are doing ok, not seen you on here for a while.  Are you still hoping to start stimms at the beginning of Sept?

*Teapot73*, I'm really sorry to read that you have been feeling so low. I completely understand that and have been there too. Give yourself time to come to terms with the loss of an unsuccessful cycle, have some fun time with your partner and have some good distraction techniques. Hopefully the start of this new cycle will help you to come to terms with things, and fingers crossed that it'll be successful for you both. Having to arrange your treatment around work and colleagues is probably a stress you could do without though I'm sure. The scratch doesn't sound pleasant at all!

*AFM*, it was our 6yr wedding anniversary yesterday, been together almost 14yrs though! We spent the day house hunting, we saw one on Friday and 6 yesterday. None were right for us. We are seeing one more on Wednesday and a further one next Saturday. We are quite limited really as we need a property with a self-contained annexe for my parents. Still, it's exciting times!

I have my head round our unsuccessful cycle, and am at peace with it. We have a follow up appt 1st Sept and with any luck we'll start DR after Octobers AF. Unfortunately, my chronic pain (CP) levels shot up on Thursday, and I don't know why  I have had to go back on Tramadol but it's not yet helping. They don't like me on it whilst TTC but I just cannot function as well without it so I feel caught between the devil & the deep blue sea. Hopefully I won't need further CP treatment which will put our IF journey in jeopardy.


----------



## bumpylady

Littlerie that's awful, I'm on codeine for back pain. I stopped taking it while having treatment and was in agony some nights so I feel your pain.

We were just going to go to Yarmouth so I think I'll decorate the upstairs of the house.
My follow up is the 15th September, like you I am now at peace with my failed cycle. I still have some sad days but I where near as bad as they were. I'm also glad that my follow up was a long wait, I was so angry after the failed cycle that I cringe at the thought of how I would have been if my follow up was sooner.

I really hope your pain starts to ease before you start treatment, it's stressful enough going through IVF without having pain on top.


----------



## Little Rie

Thanks *bumpy*. I won't bore you all with my complaints on pain, but ultimately I need further spinal surgery. Despite any surgery meaning I CANNOT under any circumstances become pregnant within a year, I asked for the surgery to go ahead as I cannot deal with all of this pain. However, due to my 'relative young age' (32) they don't want to go ahead just yet as I will have very limited future options. So, we've ploughed on with the baby plan, but every pain flare up scares me as I think it'll put the brakes on things as one of these days I'm just going to insist on the surgery going ahead.

Good luck with your follow up next month. I'm also glad about the gap between BFN & the follow up, it's allowed my emotions to settle down. Here's hoping things can continue, & more importantly, be successful!


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

*Little Rie*, I've had the email, sent it to the gps. They're just time wasting now (not my gp) I will use pals if they take much longer though. It's making me stressed, unnecessarily so too. 
I was back to work today anyway so up early for that so thought another hour won't hurt, I'm quite enjoying the gym now too. We don't know where we're going away to, have looked at cuba but we'll just see the week before. Don't want to book anything now in case we get the chance to cycle. 
Happy anniversary to you both and good luck with the house hunting. X

*Bumpy*, we work every other weekend but have time off during the week. I quite like it, sainsburys is always quiet during the week and there's not hoards of people everywhere. 
Love your quote, it made me smile  X

*Angelica*, I know I'm really boring but I was going to work anyway. I really want to lose weight before we cycle again and if we're not we want to go away in October so I've no choice either way. X


----------



## spudlin

Ladies, soz been awol for a bit.

We have been away camping and no tinterweb  

I have caught up but I'm rubbish at personals so I will send a hug to all those who are feeling low atm  

I am due to start provera to induce af on Sat, as my cycles are poop if left to their own devices. So in theory I should be starting stimms beginning Sept. I have just discovered an old ff from my clomid days is starting her first ivf cycle and we will be cycling together which I hope will bring us both luck   you never know eh? Xx


----------



## misswoo

Hi All,

Hope you are all ok   Very quiet on here lately!!

Sorry I have been AWOL.  Its not very user friendly typing on a ipad or iphone.  Now I have my Macbook I will be popping on more 

How are you all coping?  

I don't know if its just me but I have definitely noticed a divide on the original group.  I feel that anything I post on there is ignored by a select few.  I suppose its like real friends.  You think you know someone until a particular situation arises then they show their true self.

My next appointment is December 11th.  Feels like so long away.  

When are all of you next having appointments?? 

xxx


----------



## bumpylady

Just typed a long message and my phone battery died. 
I've noticed that too so don't really post there anymore, I feel sad that you feel that too. You were great with the personals on there. 
4 weeks until my appointment, all the questions I wanted to ask seem irrelevant now I just want to know when I can start again now.
What's your December one for? Is it to start again!

Is the MacBook good? I want to get a new laptop at the weekend and if the MacBook is good I don't mind paying for it.


----------



## misswoo

The December date is a refresher drug teach plus sign any forms or anything else they think I need to do before.

4 weeks will fly by 

I would definitely recommend the macbook.  I have the air and my fiance has the pro.  Both very good but air obviously cheaper but no disc drive.  Who uses discs nowadays anyway?!?!

xxx


----------



## teapot73

Hi, girls!
*Spudlin*, I probably will also start stimming at the beginning of September, hope my next period behaves. At the moment I am on so called "estrogen priming" before the protocol (HRT and Cyclogest pessaries) and it makes me uber-emotional, I did not expect this and get waves of tearfulness for no reason. Its very annoying esp. when it happens at work 
*Misswoo*, my follow up apt was only 2 wks after BFN and it seemed to be a good idea at the time as I felt I could not waste any time, but it probably was too early. I desperately wanted to squeeze another protocol before my 41st birthday 
*Bumpylady*, good luck with your follow up appointment! 
*Jam*, how are you?
*LittleRie*, thank you for the encouraging words! Belated happy anniversary! x
I was supposed to have an endo scratch (without sedation) and guess what? the consultant could not pass the catheter through the cervical canal! My cervix definitely has a mind of its own!


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

*Teapot*, I had the HRT and cyclogest in preparation for my FET, I too felt pooh. Was definitely glad to get of them. Hope your good. X

*Woo*, I can't wait to get going again. You excited? X


----------



## spudlin

Well here I go again guys  

Actually told to start provera today, what a farce that was, no chemists had it in stock!!! I was like a druggy yesterday going to all the chemists near work then ringing the ones near home. I think there has been some issue with the manufacturer. Thank god it got ordered and came this morning. All systems go. One week provera, hopefully AF within a week then start stimms day 2, short protocol  

I am ok in the planning stages, now things are on the move I am starting to get a bit anxious about what happened last time and the no eggs scenario  

Cos I had good scans I won't even have the reassurance of those this time and will only feel ok once I've had EC and got something  

Need to dig out the old hypnotherapy cd again and get listening I suppose


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

Best of luck. How exciting to be going again. I can't wait. X


----------



## Little Rie

Hi Spudlin & Misswoo, welcome back! 
Spudlin, good luck with the cycle again! Exciting times! 
Misswoo, your appt in December will be here before you know it! 

Teapot, it sounds like that wasn't a very nice experience! What happens next for you? 

Hi to everyone else     What's everyone up to this bank holiday weekend? 

AFM, I have a very difficult decision to make. I need to decide whether to stick with our journey to have a baby, or whether to sort out my chronic pain. I know this isn't the right forum, but the pain is too much again. I had a relatively blissful 4 months but it's all come back and hit me hard this week. I usually hold things together pretty well, and I have developed a 'mask' over the years to hide what I am feeling from others. Yesterday it slipped in front of my GP, and I think he was pretty shocked at some of the things I was saying. He's prescribed me antidepressants for the first time in my life, and upped my pain drugs. Both of which I shouldn't be taking if TTC. I am 5 days late (not unusual for me) so did a POAS yesterday and it was a BFN. We have an IF follow up appt on 1st Sept, but I need to decide before then what I want to do. DH is saying we should forget about babies, and concentrate on my 'general' health & pain but if we do that then we may never have a baby. I'm not sure I am ready to face that possibility yet. 

So, now that I have poured my heart out, we are off house hunting again today, we have 7 properties lined up. (although I struggled a lot with pain after the 6 last Saturday!), and my parents might come to stay tonight. Then tomorrow DH has booked us a restaurant a nice restaurant in the New Forest. He went there last Christmas for a work lunch and has talked about it non-stop since! He's finally booked it for us, lol. And on Monday, I hope to get together with two work colleagues who have become good friends if my pain levels allow.


The sun is shining at the moment, need a whack with the positivity stick but I shall be the first one -->


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

*Little Rie*,  so sorry everything's so bad. I don't think anyone but yourself can decide, not even dh. Would you be genuinely happy if you stopped trying, knowing you'll never be parents? Such a huge decision to have to make, I don't envy you. I'm not sure where I'd start if it was me. Good luck with the house hunting today though. X
I'm of to the gym in a bit, I'm really getting into it.

Hope everyone else is good? Xx


----------



## teapot73

Dear *Little Rie*, I am so sorry to hear that your pain is so severe, is there any chance of surgery or something else, which can help you (long term) apart from painkillers? If sorting your pain means 6-12 months off IVF then its probably a good idea? I do hope addressing your pain does not mean completely giving up on having your baby. Best of luck with finding your dream house! Big hugs 
*Spudlin*, good luck with the start of a new cycle!
*Jam*, you are so good with gym! I decided to get fit and started using a skipping rope in the garden (1st time after many many years), almost collapsed after 30 secs 
I'm looking forward to finishing HRT+Cyclogest next week, then hopefully will get a period and start stimming from day 2 (400 of Menopur this time ).
We are off to Ikea , wishing everyone an enjoyable weekend! xx


----------



## Little Rie

Thank you both so much. Yes, I need surgery but my consultant doesn't want to do it for at least another two years as it's the absolute last resort. I am "only" 32 and the surgery has a limited life of 10-15yrs and unfortunately no surgery would be possible after this next one. So, he wants to wait until it's vital. I have a good relationship with the consultant, I've known him since i was 7 & I trust him implicitly. 

I know my heart won't be happy if i "give up" on a baby just yet though.


----------



## teapot73

*Little Rie*, its really good that you have such a trusting relationship with your consultant, so if the surgery can be done in appox. 2 years, then possibly a few months to recover from the op, you are looking at being approx. 34-35 to continue the IVF journey. I would say that it does not sound bad at all. I know that when you are desperate to have a baby, every delay seems like forever... I hope it all works out well despite all obstacles


----------



## k161

Hi ladies,
Just popped onto the forums and was having a look round and stumbled across this thread. I hope you don't mind me joining you, after my BFN last month.

We had our WTF follow up appointment and they basically said that they believe that there was a problem with the quality of DHs sperm as the embryos slowed in development after day 3. Although disappointing it does mean we are fine to try again with egg sharing. I've not asked how the recipient got on with her cycle, it's all so raw still and I don't think either answer would make me feel good right now.

How's everyone else getting on with moving on?


----------



## teapot73

Welcome,* K161*! Very sorry to hear about your BFN  Did your consultant suggest something different for next time, if not a secret?
I am finishing my HRT with Cyclogest on Friday and will be waiting for AF . I do feel better emotionally compared to 2 weeks ago which is a big step forward for me.
Hope everybody else is coping  xx


----------



## k161

We've got to increase DH's supplements and hope for the quality to improve. The clinic will try to get the best ones in the sample with their fabulous microscopes but it's just a try, try, try situation I think.

Glad to hear you're feeling more positive Teapot. I hope you're not waiting too long, that's the worst part of this while thing.... Waiting!


----------



## spudlin

Hi ladies,

Little Rie, so sorry you are feeling rotten at the minute. It does seem like you guys have a lot going on at the moment so maybe a delay would do you good and put you in a better mindset. They say you should be 'stress free'  , I struggle to see how this is possible going through this journey!! As teapot says, time isn't overly pressing on you at this moment in time, unlike me, I'm a fogey!! Maybe take some time to try and relax, manage your pain/condition somewhat and move house (also very stressful). Take care of yourself.

I had a pretty quiet weekend really. We went to my gorgeous sister in laws for our yearly joint birthday BBQ, although a little later than normal due to the arrival of her new baby   Surprisingly I don't have any wobbles at all around her children, maybe because she is so supporting of our situation.

I finish provera tonight so then it is watch and wait for the old AF to land. Funny thing was our doc told us to keep actively ttc and if we were lucky AF wouldn't land!! Not holding my breath though.

Feeling a bit poop today, provera gives me headaches and work has been crap. I am only back in today after the bank holiday and have a colleague having an immature meltdown!!! Get over yourself please, could do without your self centred rubbish a the min!!! Lol  

Hope everyone else is ok   xx


----------



## Little Rie

Firstly, thank you all for your huge support. It helped immensely. 

How is everyone? What are you all up to this weekend?

*k161, *great to see your name pop up but I'm sorry to see you on a BFN thread. How are you both coping? I imagine it must be even harder for you as you have shared your eggs. I admire woman who do this.

*Teapot*, how are you? Has AF arrived? Glad to read that you are better about things?

*spudlin*, how are your headaches now that you've finished the Provera? Has AF arrived? Glad you had a good family weekend last weekend 

*Jam&Cream, misswoo, bumpylady, angelica_wales, BeckyA, kj14*, you've all been rather quite, hope you are all ok.

*AFM*, I'm in a better place at the moment, I just had a wobble last week. I have a few rather big decisions to me, and as Jam&Cream said, the decision is solely mine to make. I sometimes find that rather difficult because I don't want to impact my/our future in a negative way. We have a follow up appt on Monday with the fertility clinic, and depending how this goes, I can make some decisions.

It's rather cloudy here today, there're lots of planes around as we have an Air Show which we're heading to tomorrow and I'm having my hair cut today. Rather pleasant way to spend the weekend me thinks


----------



## teapot73

Hi, *Little Rie*, thanks for asking, I only finished tablets and pessaries yesterday, so presume it takes 2-4 days for AF to start, so waiting patiently . It's good that you are feeling better, good luck for your appointment on Monday! xx
*Spudlin*, hope you are feeling better today!
*K161*, I know what you mean about "try, try, try situation" - in our attempts DH sperm quality was so different (needing ICSI, then not needing ICSI, then needing it again) that I don't know what to think 
Wishing everybody an enjoyable weekend! I have been to 2 garden centres, got flowers and pots and will be planting later, its a shame that it started raining.


----------



## bumpylady

*Teapot* I love going to the garden centres, since getting my own home I now have green fingers. I can actually keep plants alive. I have 2 lovely rose plants by my front door and gold crest trees on either side of my pathway.

*Little rie* I am also in a much better place. I still have sad days, yesterday was one but it was a number of things, not just the failed cycle.
My follow up is 2 weeks monday, very sad but i have been counting the days down.

*Spudlin* How are you feeling? Any sign of AF yet?
My AF was only 3 days late but it was a terrible heavy one. I am sure the af after the failed cycle should have been heavier considering the tablets thickened my lining.

*k161* I think after a BFN it's understandable not to ask about how the recepient got on, I don't think I would be able to either.

*Jam* How are you doing?

*Misswoo* Hope you have had a lovely weekend, we are nearly in September!! December will be here before you know it.

We have been out for meal, I have had a week off work and have done nothing apart from housework. I had all of these plans but didn't do any of them. It has been nice just relaxing and not hearing my alarm go off at 5am.
I have written a list of questions to ask at my follow up although I'm sure most will be answered before i ask.


----------



## spudlin

Evening all,

Nowt to report yet, just waiting for AF to land. Meds arrived but wrong, some stimms missing. Pharmacy usually very good so hopefully will sort it Monday. 

Headaches gone thank goodness. Not as bad as last time. Plus I did long protocol last time and buserelin also gave me headaches   
Doing short this time, so less buserelin  

Had a lazy lie in this morning but a mad busy afternoon. Clipped my horse, horrid job, hair gets everywhere!! Very itchy!!

Then I had the lovely job of picking up horse poop from the fields (using a shovel of course lol). We have a lot of grazing land so took some time and got blisters  

Then I rode a clients horse who is very lazy to say the least so had a bit of a workout. Earned me a curry for tea though  

Oh and 3 loads of laundry, in the rain   I swear it only rains when I hang out my washing lol.

Hope everyone else ok? X


----------



## BeckyA

Hello everyone, sorry been a bit AWOL. Just got back yesterday from 16 days in the motherland. Was lovely to catch up with all my friends and family.

So anyway, we have called the clinic this morning (they said call in September!) Initially they thought it was a possibility to go ahead with cycle this month (as AF came yesterday) and wanted me to go in this morning (eek!) but in the end they called back an hour later, and we are going to start next month instead. Actually it sounds crazy but I'm happier with this as otherwise EC and ET would have been right bang in the first 2 weeks of the new term, i.e. the most stressful time! Now we have an appointment next week, on the 11th, where they will give us the new prescriptions and outline the dates for us.

Hope you are all well!

*bumpylady*, when's your appointment?

Becky
X


----------



## bumpylady

*Becky* thats great news. How are you feeling about your next cycle?
My appointment is the 15th September, its annoying that I've had to wait so long just to get some answers but at least its only 2 weeks away now.


----------



## BeckyA

Hi *bumpylady*, I'm feeling quite excited and positive. Been taking extra supplements since last failed cycle in June (DHEA and evening primrose oil) so hoping they have had an effect on eggs!

Those 2 weeks will sail by! Have they given you any indication of when you can start another cycle?


----------



## bumpylady

Possibly the end of the month as its been 6 months since my fresh and 3 since frozen. 
I don't know if i should be taking any other supplements to help, Im only taking pregnancare conception atm.


----------



## BeckyA

I googled health supplements specifically for some of my issues.
Taking DHEA but very low dose for number of eggs and egg quality - says on bottle it's only for women over 35!
Taking evening primrose oil as allegedly it encourages blood to go to the cervix (to help with my stenosis)
Other than that, i only take folic acid and also bee propolis.


----------



## bumpylady

Im trying to stay away from google, it drove me crazy last time. 
I guess until my appointment I won't know if i need to take anything else. My GP is really good so i may go to her after and see what she recommends.


----------



## Little Rie

Evening everyone, how are you all? 


We had our follow up appt today. It was with a different consultant, and he was as brilliant as the previous one. As soon as we walked he apologise that we found ourselves in this situation. He gave us our options, and we have chosen to have all 3 frozen embies thawed, and the best two to be transferred. He'll change the luteal medication and to prescribe injection progesterone instead of the vag gel. He thinks all of this will give us a 25% success rate. BUT they're going to accurately study their multiples data for my age and if the risk of a multiple pregnancy is above 15% then we'll opt for a SET again. We have to wait until Octobers AF before starting any treatment but we feel as though it's a way forward again


----------



## bumpylady

*Little Rie* That is brilliant news, October will be here before you know it. You are very brave having the progesterone injections, they sound so painful.


----------



## Little Rie

Thank you bumpy, but if it gets me that baby.....


----------



## bumpylady

Fingers and toes crossed it does. I have never been much good with needles but proud that I managed to do them myself without passing out. I guess if it increased my chances then I would grin and bare the pain.


----------



## teapot73

*Little Rie*, the plan sounds excellent! I had Gestone injections with 2 latest rounds of IVF and they are not too bad, just need to warm the ampoules in hands before administering.
Best of luck with the treatment! xx


----------



## spudlin

Just a quick drop by to say AF landed today so I start stimms tomorrow on short protocol, wish me luck!!


----------



## bumpylady

Brilliant news *spudlin* wishing you lots and lots of luck.


----------



## teapot73

*Spudlin*, best of luck!
My AF also arrived earlier this week and I started stimming 3 days ago but yesterday attended for the 1st scan and they found a cyst on my left ovary (which I've never had before) . Also had only a few tiny follicles on the right ovary and thin endo. I had hormones levels tested to find out if the cyst was active and they will re-scan on Monday, in the meantime advised to continue stimming. But I have a horrible feeling that it's another failure already 
I hope everybody is doing well xx


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

*Spudlin*, best of luck  X

*Teapot*, fingers crossed for some good news. X

Hope everyone else is good. Xx


----------



## bumpylady

*Teapot* I hope the cyst doesn't delay things for you, I have my fingers crossed for you


----------



## teapot73

*Jam* and *bumpylady*, thanks a lot for your support! xx I think after this cycle I am finally giving up on my ovaries.


----------



## spudlin

Everything crossed for you teapot  

I'm on day 3 stimms today, blood test monday and I'm guessing 1st scan will be wed maybe. I have presumed this going from my last cycle although I am short this time. I have rearranged my eyelash appt just incase lol  

Thanks Jam, how are you?


----------



## bumpylady

Very quiet on here lately, how is everyone doing?


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

I'm good thanks, you? I'm looking forward to next week, I'm hoping we get to start this year at least. 
Hopefully you'll be able to get going straight away? X


----------



## bumpylady

Im good, also looking forward to next week and finding out if we can start soon. It has been a long 8 weeks waiting for this appointment.
Good luck with your appointment too x


----------



## spudlin

Hey girlies,

I'm in clinic in the morning for scan and bloods, very different cycle to last time, feel different too. Hope this is a good thing. My bloods from Mon were good I presume as they have dropped my stimms dose and have 'coasted' me for a few days. Lets see what the scan shows, all being well, ec will be next week, mon or wed I am thinking. I am curently day 8 of stimms today  

I really hope I get some eggs this time


----------



## bumpylady

Good luck today *spudlin* let us know how the scan goes. I have my fingers crossed for you


----------



## teapot73

*Bumpylady* and *Jam*, good luck with your appointments! x
*Spudlin*, hoping that your scan today brings very good news! 
AFM I had a scan on Monday which was disappointing - only few small follicles on day 6 stimms, so next scan today, feeling anxious and stressed but cannot really do anything to change the outcome so will wait and see. Menopur dose was not changed because its already high. Getting prepared that this cycle might be cancelled.


----------



## BeckyA

Good luck *spudlin * and *teapot*, fingers crossed you get some good news.


----------



## spudlin

Scan good about 12 decent follies seen, good lining, EC Monday  

I knew this cycle felt different, got some twinges going on and some seriously sore boobs lol.

My oestrogen levels are over 8000, whereas last time at EC they were only 900  

Everything crossed for Mon, this will be the hard part for me after last time, don't think I will be sleeping Sunday night


----------



## bumpylady

OMG spudlin, thats come around quick. I will be thinking of you on Monday


----------



## spudlin

Thanks hun, it has come round quick. It is short protocol so is quicker, but it has still flown by, day 9 stimms today, so will be 10 days in total stimming. I think I was around 11 days last time, but down regged first which makes it all seem like forever. Defo a short protocol fan


----------



## teapot73

*Spudlin*, that's brilliant news! Best of luck for Monday! 
*BeckyA*, thank you for keeping fingers crossed! x
My scan showed some growth in size of follicles, but there are only 2 on each side so next scan on Monday. Surprisingly the cyst from left ovary disappeared, don't know how it could have happened but very pleased with it


----------



## spudlin

Last jabs done ladies, roll on monday


----------



## k161

Sorry for the radio silence, work have asked me to take on work for my supervisor so I've been swamped. I see lots of things have moved on here, sorry if I've missed anything on my phone.
Spudlin - good luck it's moving so fast.
Teapot - glad that your cyst has gone, hopefully it's the start of a run of good luck.

Now I can't scroll back for more personals, I'll do better next time.

AFM - my thyroid has gone loopy and they're trying to adjust my medication and I feel knackered. I've ended up in a separate battle with the Lister which has been very upsetting. Had our follow up consultation on 20th August and were told we could go ahead again straight away and all our tests were up to date. Apparently my blood tests went out of date 6 days later and no one thought to tell us until last week. I asked why it had taken so long to tell me and was I being matched during that time? I was told no. It now means that we can't start this month as was planned and it will be next month at the earliest now. I'm so upset they delayed me for over 2 weeks without telling me.
They agreed to do my bloods half an hour before the clinic opened as I happened to be in London for a work seminar. They then left me waiting in the clinic until the blood tests began half an hour later and I was late for work.

They were so efficient previously. Am I overreacting about the delays?


----------



## teapot73

*K161*, from my experience communication problems can arise in any clinic. In my previous IVF attempt the clinic has never mentioned that blood tests and ECG needed for anaesthetist, should have been done within 4 weeks prior to procedure and I had them done approx. 6 weeks before that, so had to re-do privately ASAP for ridiculous fee. 
Of course these hiccups/delays are always very stressful 
I hope everything gets sorted for you so you can start next month


----------



## spudlin

Not sure if any of you have seen on another post of mine but this cycle has also been stopped due to no fertilisation!!!  

I got a lovely batch of 6 good eggs from 7 mature follicles, but when they rang on Tues morning they said the sperm had tried to get in but were sticking out of the egg walls!!

So here we are again. Follow up Fri morning and looks like icsi next time.

Why don't they just offer it straight away instead of us going through all this? Especially when age is against us  

I just want to get going again asap


----------



## BeckyA

Sorry to hear that *spudlin*, sending you big hugs. X


----------



## bumpylady

*spudlin* I'm so sorry and I agree, they should use ICSI straight away instead of putting you through all of this.
Have you written down your questions to ask at your follow up?


----------



## k161

I'm so sorry spudlin. Hopefully ICSI will do the trick, so frustrating they made you jump through these hoops.


----------



## teapot73

Spudlin, I saw your news on the other thread and just wanted to send more  
It's a shame they cannot use ICSI after 24h and that its not a common practice to use ICSI for normal looking sperm and eggs. Hope your appt on Friday answers your questions and you can start your next protocol very soon xx


----------



## spudlin

Thanks ladies, I know what they will say on Friday, it's normal practice when sperm and eggs look good, to do normal ivf. It's just really hard, it's like I have a new hurdle each time  

I know I'm not alone, but I just want a rant!!

I love my other half immensely but he is very matter of fact, right let's crack on with another, money doesn't even come into the equation, which I suppose is good. I know it's his way of keeping me strong and focused cos he's frightened of me having a meltdown. (I had a very bad time in an old job and completely shut down and lost the plot and he must worry that will happen again, I won't let it!!)


----------



## bumpylady

*Spudlin* I hope and pray that you get over these hurdles and get your BFP. It's so unfair when these things happen, after all of the sadness on here I hope everyone gets their happy ever after


----------



## misswoo

Sorry ladies, i have been AWOL as busy with work.

Spudlin, so sorry to hear about your news 

Hope everyone else is doing well and that you all have cycles starting soon.  Still a while until mine as i start DR in Feb hopefully.

xxx


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

Hi everyone.

*Spudlin*, keep strong, you'll get there eventually. X

Had my consultation yesterday. Everything's al signed up and I can start to request treatment now. I can't wait for AF, only 2 weeks to go, I very much doubt I'll get in on the first request but at least I'll be a bit nearer. X


----------



## spudlin

Thats brilliant Jam, seems an age that you guys have been waiting.

Have you changed clinics now? 

Fingers crossed when we have our consultation tomorrow we can get going as soon as possible.


----------



## k161

Fingers crossed Jam, I hope they shock you and say yes straight away.


----------



## bumpylady

Hi misswoo, I hope the months fly by quickly for you.


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

*Spudlin*, we're at St Mary's now, finally managed to get funding sorted. We would of liked to stay at MF but our CCG wouldn't work with MF. X
Hope you get some good news tomorrow. X


----------



## spudlin

I've heard good things about St Marys hun, would've been nice forums to stay mf buddies lol. I'll fill you all in after tomorrow's appt. Lucky us its 9.30!! Nightmare Manchester traffic!! X


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

The traffics awful round there. Especially on the 34 through Cheadle. We used to get there early sometimes and go to Sainsbury's. Hope it's good news. X


----------



## spudlin

Thanks Jam,

At this time the traffic near home is poo too  

Planning on leaving at 8 so we have an hour and a half to play with.

It always feels horrible going back after a failed cycle


----------



## BeckyA

*spudlin*,hope you got some answers today.

AFM, had appointment this morning with clinic on CD20. Had a baseline scan and lining is at 7.5 (not sure if this is good or not!), right ovary being cr*p as usual, and 5 follies on left. This round they are going straight into stims rather than downreg first, so as not shut off the ovaries too much. So, am starting with next AF, eek!
Likely to be starting stims on the 2nd Oct, then egg collection probably around 13th oct.

Hope you are all well.

x


----------



## bumpylady

*Beckya* Sounds like we may be cycling together, they estimate my ec for the middle of october if all goes well.

*Spudlin* I hope today went well.

*Jam* I hope they let you go with the first AF.

*Misswoo* How are you? Any plans for the weekend?

*k161* So sorry to hear of your delays, we had similar before we were even referred about tests not being up to date.


----------



## spudlin

Well follow up this morning didn't quite go as expected as we were expecting to hear icsi.

What we heard instead was donor eggs  

In light of the fact that both of our failed cycles were due to my eggs, OH has amazing swimmers  , our doc feels that even with icsi we are only looking at a 1% chance with my eggs.

Strange as it may sound I kind of always knew this was my path.... Creepy I know but I just knew. With DE we are looking at over 40% success. 

No brainer really cos I am not sure I could cope emotionally with another failed cycle with my eggs. I know lots of others have had way more cycles than us, but I am trying to be logical about things, especially as we have self funded from the start.

Good luck to all about to go again


----------



## bumpylady

*Spudlin* The success rate with DE sounds really good, how are you feeling after getting that news?


----------



## spudlin

I feel ok,

Not sure hubby is overly keen though. Leaving him to mull over. Don't have to make any decisions in a hurry


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

*Spudlin*,  what a big decision. At least you know now and the success rates are very good with donor eggs too. Take your time and I'm sure you'll both come to the right decision. We spoke about this last week and I said I do it like a shot if that was our only chance. Xx


----------



## teapot73

Spudlin, I did not expect them suggesting DE but success rate of course is much higher, if you and your DH feel comfortable about it. Its a big decision but there are so many happy stories with DE...
Sending you hugs  
Jam, hope you can start your next cycle very soon!
Bumpylady and BeckyA, good luck with your next cycles!

AFM I had a hell of a day yesterday as developed a bleed in the abdomen after EC, had a big faint with slow pulse and scared everybody   Had a scan, drips and meds and monitored for 6 hours, as felt better avoided hospital admission  Now have pain under ribcage, where bood collected so cannot lie flat and had to sleep in a sitting position. 
The good thing is they got 8 eggs but I dont know yet how many are mature and whether they have fertilised. I am confident now that this is the last attempt with OE.


----------



## bumpylady

*Teapot* That sounds awful, do they know what caused the bleed? Im so glad you avoided having to stay in.
Well done you on the 8 eggs, fingers crossed they are all mature and all fertilise. Did they let you know when transfer would be?


----------



## teapot73

Bumpylady, transfer will hopefully be on Monday, as we already booked flights back on Tue (initially thought EC would be on Wed so allowed a week), no news yet about maturity or fertilisation . I understand that the bleed happened during procedure when they caught a vessel


----------



## bumpylady

Hopefully they will update you at some point today with lots of good news. Hope you are feeling better today.


----------



## k161

Spudlin - wow what a huge change of direction for you. Hope it works out for the best result though with much higher odds.

Teapot - oh dear, glad you're recovering. Hope you aren't feeling to rough and it's worth all the drama in the end.


----------



## Talkingfrog

Hello all,  have only just noticed the rose quartz thread here. Good idea.  Hope everyone is ok.  We are fine other than me being full up with a cold..


----------



## bumpylady

Talkingfrog the colds are doing the rounds, I've had a sore throat and runny nose all day. Not what I need before a 3 day course.

Teapot I have my fingers crossed still for good news.


----------



## teapot73

Bumpylady and K161, thank you! Sorry for keeping silent today - very poor wifi signal here and internet froze every time I tried to post. Still quite sore and have distended belly, hope its worth it. 7 eggs fertilised


----------



## bumpylady

Teapot that is fantastic news, you must be so pleased on 7 fertilising. That is a great amount


----------



## k161

7's a great number Teapot. Everything crossed for you.

Lovely to see you Talkingfrog. I'm another one down with a cold at the moment.


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

Great amount *Teapot*, hoping they do good things. X


----------



## Talkingfrog

Hello all,

teapot - 7 is a great number to have fertilised - good luck.

Bumpylady and k161 - hope you are feeling better soon and that your course goes well bumpy.  Feeling a bit better for a lazy morning and quick trip out this afternoon.  Hoping DH doesn't get it as he has his final OU assignment to do and it counts for more than the others. Counting down the days until his course finishes and we can get some decorating done and go on a few day trips.  

Hope everyone is having a good weekend.


----------



## bumpylady

*Talkingfrog* I am feeling much better, a bit nervous about doing this course but at least it is only 3 days and I get Thursday and Friday as study leave.
I love decorating, I think when I next book some holiday I will decorate my upstairs as the downstairs is done.

*Teapot* hope you are well, good luck for tomorrow xx


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

*Bumpy*, good luck on your course. You'll be back home before you know it. X

Maybe a silly question, does anyone get pmt sort of symptoms around ovulation?  I know I'm being seriously ar$ey but don't seem to be able to help myself  dp has gone for a bath out of the way and I'm sat here cross as anything  X


----------



## bumpylady

I do, my symptoms started 3-4 days after ovulation and get worse. As soon as AF arrives PMT goes. 
I get really angry especially if I am tired too, ends up with me sleeping on the sofa in a strop and waking up and not remembering why I was annoyed lol


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

I'm annoyed because I couldn't find the right pan lid. Probably not a massive thing but why can't things be put away properly? 
Anyway glad it's not just me. I've been like this before but not normally this bad. X


----------



## bumpylady

Lol, I did the same with a plastic container. The lid was in the cupboard but the tub was missing. I was pulling out all the stuff from every kitchen cupboard looking for it, still can't find it but I got myself in such a state over it. Dp answer was 'its ok, I will buy you another one''. 
My reply was I don't want a new one, I want my missing one.
I think he is accustomed to the mood swings now.
I honestly believe the meds have made my PMT so much worse


----------



## Jam&amp;Cream

Dp reckons the same, I know I'm doing it but can't stop. 
I'm annoyed now because I stormed upstairs and I know the pasta will have to be redone because I just left it. Might just go to the takeaway. X


----------



## Kaur_33

Hi guys just had my bfn too. I rang up ARGC wanting to find out about the next cycle but I have to wait a month as they said my body needs a rest. I'm so upset as I rather start one straight away don't want to wait!

Does anyone know what's involved for frozen cycle at ARGC? This was my first ivf and have 3 embryos frozen


----------



## bumpylady

A month isn't too long, I had to wait 3 months before doing a frozen transfer.
My frozen I started on Buserelin injections, the tablets to thicken the womb lining, a few scans and then transfer. Much easier than a fresh cycle.


----------



## Kaur_33

Thanks bumpylady! I've heard the frozen is much easier than fresh but I thought ARGC would probably be different. Are u at ARGC?


----------



## bumpylady

No, I am at Bourn. Have you been given a follow up appointment? I wrote down what questions to ask, I usually forget to ask otherwise and then get home wishing I would have asked questions that I didn't think of during the consultation.
I did find my follow up helpful, they could see no reason why both embryos didn't stick so I'm just hoping the timing wasn't right. I asked lots of questions about the thickness of my lining the embryo grades, any problems they found etc


----------



## spudlin

It went really quiet for a while ladies, hello  

My clinic wont let you do back to back cycles. After our 1st failed cycle in June we waited until beginning of Sep to start another fresh cycle. This has just failed 2 weeks ago now and we have been told that we will be looking at around Christmas/January for our next cycle, especially if we go ahead with donor eggs as we then have to be matched and this can take time to sync your cycles etc.

To be honest it is quite nice to be med free and as we will be using donor eggs I am no longer rattling either. Just taking my pregnacare


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## bumpylady

*Spudlin* I know what you mean about being drug free. Our clinic doesn't allow back to back either, they want your body to recover before trying again.


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## spudlin

Hi ya bumpy


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## leebeeloo

Hi ladies, I have come to moan too. Tomorrow should have been my OTD, but instead I am a week past AF who cruelly put an end to my dream. Must warn you though, I killed off the last board I wrote on - 'negative really hurts', so I will try and hold back, ha...
At every stage through this process you allow yourself to dream... Even the embryologists assist in the fairy tale by telling you things like 'they are such beautiful blastocysts'... I pictured their whole life, the colour hair they would have, and of course their names - and they never even got to attach to me, or make me 'actually pregnant'... 
It is a horrible, testing, cruel process when it doesn't work - and an amazing, life changing miracle when it does.
What else in life can be the angel and the devil in quite the same way?


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## leebeeloo

A week on though and I do feel a bit better. Still cry at nothing, still can't sleep, still researching fertility every night (I think I have read the whole internet now!) and still hoping and crossing my fingers.... But the pain is easing a bit.
Every cloud
X


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## bumpylady

Spudlin, nice to see you xx

*Leebeeloo* Don't hold back on here, this was set up for us to express how we feel no matter how negative.
I agree with you about the embryologists giving false hope and the doctors. At our first appointment the doctor told us we were going to be busy parents next year. He left a few weeks after which is lucky because if I would have seen him after my negative it wouldn't have been a pretty sight.

The process is a cruel one, I was so excited and convinced my first go would work, especially after the Doctors remark. 
I had never felt so many emotions in one go after a BFN.

You rant away


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## Whatamoo

Hi, i sadly need to join this board too .  We should be testing on sunday, but given what has happened overnight in the underwear department its game over again for us. We had 2 top grade day 5 bladstos, 1 even beginning to hatch, put back a week ago today, but it appears cycle 2 out of our 3 nhs funded cycles was not supposed to be our lucky cycle. So now i have the joyous task of organising the follow up apt with the clinic who will say, like before, theres no reason why it didnt work and we expected you to get pregnant. This is such a cruel game


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## bumpylady

Hi whatmoo, I know the feeling of them saying no reason why it didn't work. How are you feeling today?


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## Bungle bear

Hi all, could I joy in   im gutted  as today was my big day and it ended in a bfn   l had 3day trans and one  5/6 cells and one 4/5 cell  . All meds stop and then whatbto do nexr no embryos left. So gutted xx


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## bumpylady

Bungle I am so sorry.


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## Bungle bear

Thanks bumpylady.x


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## spudlin

Gutted for you bungle, it's so hard but we all keep each other going.


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## bumpylady

Spudlin is right, I couldn't have gotten through my BFN without these ladies.


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## MariMar

Hi All,

Think I missed this thread entirely... Shame, I could have done with it a few months ago - my mistake   Is anyone else back in the IVF saddle again? I'm stimming as we speak - no downregging for low responders like me   Should have collection next Friday, can't really believe it.

Bungle, so sorry, that BFN is always such a horrible disappointment. I only got 1 NHS go (the old postcode lottery again!), and didn't even go to my follow-up. Couldn't be bothered, frankly, as there wasn't going to be another with them, and I'd figured out pretty quickly what they'd done wrong! I hope that you get answers, and that they help you figure out what your next step is. In the meantime, take it easy!   

Maybe I'm deluded, but I definitely think I might be pregnant every month! My DH thinks I'm psychotic, but I'm always symptom-checking... Need to get over that, I think   

xx


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## bumpylady

marimar I am due to start again tomorrow. 
I am the same, dp has azoospermia but I manage to convince myself every month that a miracle may have occurred. You hear all the down sides of the meds and warnings about the scans etc but nothing prepares you for a BFN. On my first cycle I didn't pay much attention to the bad stories, I focused on the good ones and getting a positive result. Now the negatives stick out more.


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## spudlin

We are signing our consent tomorrow for our donor egg treatment.

Saw the counsellor today (mandatory requirement by hfea for all donor treatment), went ok considering neither OH nor I are counselling type folk lol.

Fingers crossed we can get going asap


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## MariMar

Hi All,

*Bumpy*: how're you doing? You should be a week into treatment, right? I had about the shortest short-protocol IVF known to man - just had egg collection yesterday... 6 eggs (less than the 11 last time), but found out this morning that 5 fertilised (just a little bit less than the 8 from last time). Fingers sooooo crossed that I have some nice embies for ET on Thursday   Hope you're staying positive and your treatment is coming along well?

*Spudlin*: wow, you're already on the road! That's really exciting. How long will it take to match you with a donor? And are you doing this through the NHS or privately? Will they be having you go to counselling consistently throughout the treatment and after, or is this just to establish your commitment/whatever early on? Thinking of you, and hope the ball gets rolling quickly.


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## bumpylady

Hi Marimar, 2nd cycle is going ok so far. I try not to think about it too much and that is helping loads. I that the injections like taking my inhaler and not think about what they outcome would be. 
^ is good and they should be great quality. I hope I get a lot less this time and better quality too.
Keep us updated on how things go, will you get updates on the development of the embabies?


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## spudlin

MariMar,

We are private so no waiting list at our clinic. Hoping to be emailed some possible matches this week  

The counselling session is a mandatory request by hfea. We just talked about the donor process really. We can access as much counselling as we need through our clinic free of charge, but to be honest we are not really counselling type people  

I am quite a calm methodical person and haven't really flipped out over the whole situation. I have had some wobbles along the way but generally I have been ok.

Fingers crossed we get our match soon so we can sync our cycles. We are hoping for et around Dec/Jan (it takes time to sync your cycle with the donor).


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## MariMar

Hi All,

*Spudlin*: that's really interesting. Do you mind me asking how much more it costs to do DE IVF than OE at your clinic? And what made you decide to do it in the UK instead of in Greece or the Czech Republic? Not trying to be doom-and-gloomy about my OE treatment at the moment, just trying to be practical  What do they match you by?

*Bumpy*: I know, this treatment really breezed by, it's scary how it's kind of become a sort of 'normal' for me (this is my 3rd cycle this year!). I'm a low-responder, so I don't get much in the way of side effects, so apart from all the blood tests and going into the hospital, it's come and gone...

*AFM*
Had my Day 3 transfer today! Still had 5 fertilised embryos, 2 of which were pretty much what they should be on Day 3 (supposed to be 6-9 cells, and they were 6, maybe more as they hadn't been checked in 3 hours), and Grade 3 out of 4 (just minimal fragmentation). The others were a bit behind -- surprise, surprise -- but at least it wipes away any concern on my part that other embryos might have been the best candidates for transfer! Obviously I'll always be concerned about their development, as last time around, mine looked lovely through Day 3, then started degenerating rapidly... Here's hoping my uterus is a more welcoming place than a lab dish! 

   to all


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## spudlin

Marimar,

Everything crossed that you don't need to join me on the DE threads    

At our clinic the price for DE was pretty much similar to if we had gone for icsi with my eggs. This is taking into account that my meds bill is minuscule in comparison to when you stimm. I will literally start oestrogen patches when donor starts stimms and then the lovely progesterone pessaries from transfer.


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