# Pregnant women and babies everywhere



## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Why is it when you really want something badly such as your own child all you ever see is pregnant women and babies?  I know I'm not alone in feeling this way... I'm about to embark on my own fertility which in itself is a positive step (what ever the outcome) because I'm giving it my best shot. But, I'm really struggling with wanting to run/avoid pregnant women and babies and of course they're everywhere. I"m no hermet   Any tips on managing this? I guess what I'm really struggling with is envy - i.e. they have what I (and many others like me) want so badly. I'm really struggling with this and can feel myself distancing myself from pregnant friends or those with young children. Any tips appreciated or words of wisdom. Thanks


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

I think one thing that helps me with this one is that there are no guarantees. Yes many pregnant women look a bit smug - but there are plenty out there who are 
1)pregnant after miscarriages or struggling to concieve
2)pregnant after IVF
3)pregnant but who will go on to lose the baby
4)pregnant but who will go on to have a stillbirth
5)pregnant but who will not get the 'textbook perfect baby' people imagine they'll get 
6)pregnant and who will have a 'perfect' baby but who will be injured as a result of the birth

Of course it seems unfair but when i see a pregnant woman i try and remember she isn't necessarily going to have an easy ride of it. She's brave, she's going to go through a lot of things to get to the end of the journey and nothing is certain. 

Of course when any of us get pregnant we want to enjoy it but nobody knows what is around the corner. Instead of feeling envious and angry remembering the people who don't get a happy ending helps to balance things out. 
I know someone who was injured as part of the birth process and ended up in a wheelchair, i know several people whose babies have died and i myself had a missed m/c when i thought i was 12 weeks. The day before the 'bad thing happened' we'd all have been in the land of 'smugness and joy' that brings out the envy in those still TTC. 

Really we should all be celebrating when babies manage to arrive no matter whose baby it is.. it's a miracle!


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

I know exactly what you mean, I have ran out of Ikea in tears because it seemed every woman in there was pregnant. I went into hermit mode after my 4th failed IUI, I just went to work and came home again, I didn’t even go to the supermarket, it took a long time to snap out of it.  Even though I went on to have successful treatment the feelings never go, I left the café at the garden centre at the weekend because it seemed every table had a family with a cute baby.  One way of dealing with it is just remembering that you don´t know what the other woman’s story is, what struggles they have had in their life, although they have something that you desperately want, their lives aren’t necessarily ones to be envied.  

Good luck on your journey              

Sue


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Thanks for the replies. My heart goes out to any women who feels this way because it makes you feel really awful in many ways. Of course it's important to remember that these women may not have had it easy - and they too may have felt like I do. This puts things into perspective. Still, the feelings are difficult non the less and it's important not to give yourself a hard time about it. I guess the feels will vanish in a puff of smoke if/when I achieve a pregnancy or become a mother. The feelings vary in intensity and some situations harder than others. I guess I feel like it's members only club to which I don't belong and that feels isolating and sad. The fact of the matter is you can't avoid pregnant women and babies (even at work damn it   ) It's actually easier at work for me because my job is so busy and I'm not stuck in an office all day. But weekends are the worse when you hit the shops and cafes  .... distraction helps, and putting things into perspective like referring to goldbunny's list...

I hope we all go onto achieve fulfillment in the future, what ever form that may take.


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Gala


Its just so so tricky!  I am very lucky to be 38 weeks pregnant but it has taken 6 years!  I dont think a lot of pregnant woman are smug i think as woman who have struggled to conseve we kind of forget that being pregnant is a normal thing and that of course woman who want a baby are happy to be pregnant.  Unfortunetly the world will always be dominated by the majority and the majority of people get pregnant and have babies.  But after being in the position of thinking we weren't going to have a baby to being pregnant you learn a lot about "what its like to be on the other side" so to speak!


We went to our nct classes and the teacher talked a lot about natural conception and basically how natural being pregnant and labour was.  I sat there feeling totally detached from this and from every one else in the class.  But as time has gone on and we have got to know other expectant parents from the course you realise that people only give out what they want to share.  There are 2 other couples of my course who have had a hell of a time of it all, no they didnt have their baby through treatment but things have been very difficult for other reasons, basically you just dont know what goes on for others.


If i was honest i find it hard when others mainly on this site manage to get pregnant with their first round of treatment, i know its silly of me but i feel jealous that in my eyes "they have had it easier" BUt i don't know that and it doesnt matter anyway, there is no race and its not comparable, its taken me 6 years and tbh im just over the moon that my luck has finally come in.


I know its very very hard but just try and stay focused on your goal. xx


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