# Quitting work to de stress...good or bad idea?



## K8O

Hi

Not really sure that anyone can give me any answers but here goes anyway!

We have had numerous failed treatments and I have a stressful job that I don't enjoy and means I do a fair amount of travelling.

We have renovated a few houses which I have loved doing and we have just accepted an offer on our latest one.  It means that we are now in the position where we can buy another house that needs no work and we have money for more treatment.  I could also finish work for at least 12 months to try and concentrate on treatment.  I don't know whether to take the leap and quit or stick with it and do the next round whilst at work.  I don't enjoy my job and I feel stressed 80% of the time, my boss has also recently had the discussion with me about people in the team who take sick time and it's an inconvenience etc.  last 2 fresh cycles I was off for 10 weeks each time with OHSS so get the feeling she is making a point.  I always said I wouldn't do another cycle whilst being in my job but now the reality is here I'm scared of making the wrong decision.  

I would be giving up a well paid job with pension and mat leave but at the same time I think it's a barrier to me conceiving but maybe I'm wrong!  I keep fast forwarding to the future and seeing myself jobless.  I don't want to put DH in a position where he has to go without because half our income is going.  I can't sit at home and do nothing so I think I would go and do the interior design course I just don't have time for right now.  My family not on board,  DH family very supportive. 

It's a huge decision and I'm struggling to be honest.  My priority is having a family so surely it's a no brainer?

Answers in a postcard...but I feel better for sharing lol.

Has anyone made a similar decision and regretted it or has anyone done it and had a positive outcome??

Kxx


----------



## MJS24

I have sent you a PM x


----------



## Bela

Hi K80 

It's a tough one. Will you be less stressed without a job? What will you do to fill your time, because it's good to keep busy during IVF cycle otherwise we tend to fixate too much on what's happening, symptoms spot etc...it's a vicious circle. So in my opinion it's best to keep oneself occupied but you're right a very stressful job could have a negative impact. Did you consider changing jobs before the next treatment? Would that be an option? 

Suppose it all comes down to what you and your DH can afford and if he's ok with being the sole breadwinner and if that can help you stay relaxed and calm during your next cycle then it looks like you have a viable option.

During my first cycle I actually started a new job which was quite hard at times but I managed. From my experience it's better to work but my job even though can be stressful isn't very demanding and I don't feel that it impairs my chances of getting pregnant. I'm sure deep inside you know what's best for you so listen to your intuition. Good luck whatever decision you'll make!


----------



## Cordelia

When trying to conceive with my first husband I convinced myself it was the stress that was the issue and downgraded my job to a routine customer service role (I worked in HR and didn't see eye to eye with my boss) and took a £4.5k pay cut.  I was miserable.  The job was mind numbing and I actually found myself hating it more.  After 6 months I had to go back to HR I just couldn't stand it.  This time around I actually changed jobs between cycles 2 and 3 as I decided that I had put my life on hold for too long and couldn't keep holding off in case I got pregnant.  I've been in my new job 18 months now and have just recently found out that cycle 5 worked for us and I'm 10 weeks pregnant.  I honestly cannot imagine giving up my job to focus on treatment (and no I'm not massively satisfied and in love with my new role).  I know women who have resigned and then their husbands have been made redundant or the treatment still hasn't worked and they feel even more frustrated at the sacrifices they have made.  I think you have to decide how much you hate your job and if you really want out.  Could you look for something else before you resign?  I just think it's good to have something else to focus on other than just infertility.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Cordelia xxxx


----------



## Lara10

Hi there,

We made a similar decision back in 2010.  I gave up a well paying job to concentrate on treatment.  The good news is that we were successful (4th time lucky - our 4th cycle was our successful one and which happened after I quit my job).  I of course have NO regrets as our daughter is the best thing that ever happened to us.  However, i will not try to minimise the financial stress which was plenty.  I quit at a point when we were already in debt (due to our first three cycles!) so it wasn't easy.  Or pretty all of the time, as my DH was very stressed about finances.

But all in all, it was the right decision.  I would just say that if you do decide to quit and concentrate on treatment (which by the way, I know is none of my business, but its sounds like a good idea from what you've written), that you should go into it:  (1) with open eyes and hearts and have a heart to heart (or several) with your DH and to make sure that you are both on the same page - that this is your priority right now and that even though it may not be easy, it what you both agree is the priority etc (which means NO guilt trips about you not working, etc.), and (2)  recognise that even after having done (1) above, that it won't always be a walk in the park.

We were not destitute by any means, but we went from two well paying jobs with lots of benefits to one job (and living in expensive London!) so it was an eye opener for us.

Best of luck to you whatever you decide!


----------



## chooshoos

of course as you have said yourself and the other ladies have echoed its a very personal decision. we have had 1 failed attempt and are about to go in to round 2 in just over 3 weeks (fingers and toes crossed) I hope that we are successful and i will be able to take advantage of the maternity leave and benefits i have worked some years to enjoy! 

however should things not turn out as we would very much like them to, we have decided i will leave work, to focus with everything we have on IVF, i have a senior very well paid job in an incredibly prestigious company, its the best job i have ever had, I love it, I love the company and everyone who knows tells me its a dream job - but it is at the end of the day - a job.

a family is our priority, i wont hesitate to do it, we are lucky we can afford it, there will be an impact, but nothing like the impact of wondering if we did everything we could.....

good luck


----------



## CrazyHorse

It really depends on how you feel about your job (and about your career path generally) and whether you and your DH can manage on just your DH's salary. 

I left my last full-time role because I knew there was no way my mental health could tolerate IVF treatment, the stress of that job (working 50+ hours / week with major personal responsibility if any regulatory problems at the company), and the stress and expense of living in London, all at the same time. I quit and we moved to Edinburgh. Fortunately, my DH is pretty well-compensated and has location flexibility in his work, and my part-time consulting was enough to pay for our IVF cycles. Since I had hit 40 and we'd never had a sniff of a BFP after 5 years of serious ttc, I knew this was my last chance for IVF with my own eggs. It took 4 cycles, but I am now 13 weeks pregnant at age 41. So for me, it was absolutely worth it.

The other ladies here have some good advice. I wish you lots of luck with your decision!


----------



## wilberdoo

Hi K80, loads of good advice here. 

One thing I thought I'd mention is can you take a sabbatical or a career break for 6 or 12 months? Your employer might welcome the certainty that you'll be off for a set amount of time as they can plan cover etc which they can't with sick leave, and you would retain your job and your mat leave and pension benefits. It wouldn't stop you looking for another job if you decided to or leaving altogether. They might not approve it but if you shared your situation I'm sure they'd consider it. Do they know about the treatment already? I hope you have a supportive manager and HR team.


----------



## bombsh3ll

Hi K80,

For me there was no option but to work in order to fund treatment, but as has already been mentioned unless you are very comfortably off the stress of having to fund treatment out of one income or get into debt could end up worse than the work stress you currently have.

There's no evidence to support a negative effect of stress on conception, either naturally or with IVF. Babies wouldn't be born in war zones or out of rape if this were the case. Also nobody's IVF would work either!

I suffered badly with OHSS twice too, & apologies if this isn't something you'd consider but for me donor treatment meant among other benefits that I could be well during a cycle.

Also, & I know nobody wants to think of it, but I also had in my mind that what if I reached the end of the line with treatment & no baby, & I'd jacked in my career as well.

A difficult decision, best of luck whatever you decide to do. The path of least regret's the most important thing.

B xxx


----------



## Hopefulshell

Hi there 

Thought I'd share my story too 

After being off work for three months with
ohss and mc I really struggled being back
in the office. I absolutely loved my job but
I had chronic tension headaches for two years,
much of which was caused by stress and was
due to start tx number 3 and just knew I 
couldn't cope with doing it in conjunction with
ft job. I was extremely lucky to have a great
boss and employer and so when I told them I
could no longer cope with work and tx they offered
me a six month unpaid career break. My job
was kept open for me whilst I underwent another
tx. During that time it gave us the opportunity
to see if we could cope financially on one wage. 
In my heart I knew I wouldn't go back after six
months because I felt so much better stress-wise
not working but it made the decision less of a 
rash one. So in short maybe a career break could
be a compromise rather than quitting for good? 

Sadly I failed again after leaving work which at the time 
felt like the end of the world. However it forced me
to do something different so I now work for
myself and it's the best move I could have made! 
It's still stressful but I'm no longer answerable to 
a boss which means when I go through tx I can reduce
my workload to suit (just means I have to work harder
in between txs!) ultimately it comes down to whether
you can afford to give it up. 

Keep busy whatever you decide otherwise it's too easy to
spend your time thinking about tx which is stressful! 

Best of luck with your decision - it was the right one for me
even though it broke my heart at the time.

X


----------



## zoooooommmmm

Absolutely do not give up work, I did and ended up with no sprog and a career in the toilet. Biggest mistake of my life, earning capacity down by at least 50% now. Total disaster


----------



## goldbunny

see i'm in the quit camp! But i reckon fake it first, do a trial run at it. either get a few days leave or better still a few days off sick, or if not just an afternoon, and pretend you quit. allow yourself time to do a 'dress rehearsal' of what life would be like. If you are still undecided, the next best thing is 'working with your notice in your pocket'... write your resignation letter (undated) and carry it around with you. Then every day decide whether or not to hand it in. It sounds strange but actually that way, instead of feeling miserable, you can realise 'today i decided to stay'... it should help you work out what you want. 

It's really easy to quit when you feel miserable: ideally when you quit for real it needs to be on a good day, you need to quit for a positive reason not just out of exasperation. 
don't burn any bridges. if you really decide to go bend over backwards to make it easy for them to rehire you later. Just in case: you never know when you might run into the same people again.

i stayed in a terrible job for years because i spent the whole time thinking 'oh there's no point in my leaving because if i went somewhere else i wouldn't get maternity pay and i'm *bound* to be pregnant in the next 6 months... i should have left a long time sooner and done something else! Work out a plan B, plan C, whatever... 

Ultimately make sure your DH is on board, money does cause resentment. have you done a budget, written out exactly how you'd make savings to manage on one wage if you had to? he might feel better about it if you can show it doesn't affect his main lifestyle/hobbies... are there things you could sell if need be? have a back-up plan. 


good luck.


----------



## K8O

Hi

Thank you all for your replies.  It's really interesting to see the different points of view and experiences!  Thank you to each of you for taking the time to share your stories.  On the whole it seems most of you that have made the decision haven't regretted it and that's my worry.  Some things have been mentioned that I haven't thought about yet.

I have previously requested part time and was told no.  Also we do have a sabbatical policy but I enquired about that last year and was told it would be refused.  My boss has the attitude that you are either here or not and if not you are out of the team.  She has never been any different.  I manage a team of 26 in 2 locations and I'm the only one in the company that does my job so I have nowhere to offload any work!  I've been doing the job for 6 years and the goalposts change all the time as with lots of jobs.  I haven't enjoyed it since we were last restructured and I took the team on in another location.  

DH travels a lot so that adds more pressure to the relationship.  He is very supportive and wants me to give treatment my all.  We are fortunate that financially we are good as long as the current house sale goes through so I would have the perfect opportunity to study again which would keep me occupied.  I don't see my current job as a career,  I've stayed because it would give me a good maternity package and of course the next treatment was going to work,  then the next one, then the next one...

I'm going to ask about the sabbatical again, in fact I might just make the application then they have to turn me down formally at least.  I need to see what the policy is for quitting whilst on a sabbatical because that may be a possibility to try it then quit if it's the right thing to do!  I don't have to rush the decision but I'm keen to get on with the next cycle but it won't be until early Autumn. 

Hugs to all

Kxx


----------



## wilberdoo

Good luck K80. I work in HR so if I dan help with any advice let me know xx


----------

