# Its good to talk



## jay g (Sep 12, 2010)

For men to open up and talk about feelings emotions etc is looked at as feminine or unmanly but i believe that coming on here talkin about such a sensitive topic is more manly then lifting any amount of weights as this requires courage and a big heart. Plz my fellow males dont be afraid to let ur feelings be known dont bottle it up. There are great ppl on here who are a positive influence all the best guys


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## jules1247 (Jun 2, 2010)

Hi Jay.

Top man - really pleased to see your post and I agree with you 100%.

I posted few months back trying to open up some discussions between us fellas but got no responses at all. 

My wife and I are going through our second IVF cycle at present and everyone on here is incredibly supportive. Hopefully you are finding the same. I sometimes post on the thread my wife is on and the ladies seem to like having a man on - bit of a novelty I think, plus I hope I also provide some positive input from a male perspective. They all say that their husbands/partners don't want to post - probably for the reasons that you have said (ie they don't think it is masculine to show their feelings etc) - but that really doesn't bother me. 

I am pretty clued up on most things about IVF etc so if you have anything you want to ask then fire away and I might be able to help. 

Jules.


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## jay g (Sep 12, 2010)

Evening mate,
I appreciate that mate thank u. me n my wife are startin the ivf process in november. Shes doin all her zorodex injections now so im pretty nervous and dont really know wats happenin yet. All im doin really is bein supportive and the women on here are amazin coz its impossible to see wat they goin thru. Im not gona be on a while mayb over a month due to wrk issus but im definitely gona combak lets hope more guys like yaself turn up on here all the best and ill definitely need advice from ya wen im back on cheers bud


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## nomadcelt (Nov 21, 2007)

Excellent, this is what we like to see. There's nothing wrong with men talking about this whole process and how they feel. I would go as far as to say that is is irresponsible to consider having a child through any means without discussing it and picking over the details!


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Hi Lads - its great to have your input as a wife as well, we went through our first icsi cycle last year and tbh, my hubby was a closed book.... 
... having been through the whole tx process myself I can also help give you some heads up in when you might want to duck or hug your ladies, treatment is a knacker, not just emotionally, but physically.... and it can also be hard for us ladies to tell our men how utterly crap or excited or nervous we're feeling.
BTW I'm not being nosey and butting in, I'll be helping keep you lovely lads in check....  am, a new trainee moderator for Male factors, but if all else fails, you can mention footy, I'm a Sunderland fanatic or should that be lunatic, but please don't mention last weekend hahahaha 

Wishing you and your partners all the very very best for treatment, and I'll be around for moral support 

Best wishes
Sheila


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## jay g (Sep 12, 2010)

LOL Sheila i cant say anything coz im a rovers fan so dont mention many weeks lol. im back from my home issues. my wife has now finished herzorodex injections and now the nitty gritty stuff is starting. im not sure what that all is yet but ill be posting after our nxt appointment im sure


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## Tillypops (Nov 7, 2005)

I nearly fainted when I saw a post on here to mod!!!      

Look forward to reading some more.

Tilly
xxxx


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## jay g (Sep 12, 2010)

Dont worry Tilly i dont think us men will be takin over this site just yet

ur safe lol


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Jay wishing you and your wife all the very best - we're always here if you need any help, or just let off steam, us ladies forget that tx affects our blokes too - suppose we just feel very sorry for ourselves when we're stuggling with all the drugs and how they're administered hahahaha
All the very best 
Sheila


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## jules1247 (Jun 2, 2010)

Hi Jay.

Great to see you posting again and hope the treatment is going well. Do keep us posted and we will be happy to help if you need any information or support. My wife is now nearly 12 weeks pregnant with twins IVF was successful at the second attempt and the support on this site has been invaluable to us. 

Jules. 

PS Hi to Tilly and Sheila as well. I always pop on here to see if anything is happening but it has been particularly quiet lately!


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Hahhaa Jules, you want the make the most of the peace and quiet, theres not going to much of that around when those beautiful twins come along hahahaha - warmest congratulations to you and your wife.... hope you enjoy a stress free pregnancy....but raging hormones and mood swings will be par for the course - but it'll be well well worth it - believe me.

Just a word of warning though - your wife may take on a new bed mate; a body pillow (hahaha), its hard getting comfy in bed as your bump starts to take over... but any advice on the preggers front, I'm only tooo delighted to help with too.
Best wishes to everyone 
Sheila


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## jay g (Sep 12, 2010)

Evening jules

Fantastic news for u n ur wife congrats mate im happy for ya. Wish u both all the best.  Im still in process of first ivf shes goin for buserline injextions soon ill keep ya postd

Heeeeeyyy sheila keep smilin x


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Keep reminding me to smile Jay, going back to work tha morra after 9 months maternity leave - absolutely dreading it !!!


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## jay g (Sep 12, 2010)

it will be ok sheila just gently put urself back in after a few days it will be like uv never been away x


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

You're bang on the money Jay, yep its like I'd never been away - just glad this time around its only part-time hahaha

Hows things with everyone?


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## jules1247 (Jun 2, 2010)

Hi everyone.

How's the treatment going Jay? Is your DW coping OK with the buserelin injections? Any idea when egg collection is going to be - can't be far off now.

Sheila, hope you're coping with work OK. Suspect that we will be investing in a body pillow soon, and I know I'll be relegated to the furthest edge of the bed, if not the spare room!

How are you Tilly?

We had our 12 week scan on Thursday. Babies were naughty and wouldn't stay still for the sonographer, so it took 40 minutes for her to do the checks, measurements etc! Amazing to see, though. Hopefully it'll be your turn soon, Jay.

Jules.


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Jules
You and your dw will get more and more amazed with every scan - watching those babies grow is an unbelieveable experience, when we had our twelve week scan Hannah was bouncing like she was on a trampoline (just glad I couldn't feel it at the time) hahaha.
Have you heard the babies' heartbeats yet..... it still chokes me up when I remember the first time I heard the babys heartbeat - it was like a speeding train !
When we had a clear out, the first thing hubby chucked out was my lovely body pillow hahaha, but with a twinnie bump and body pillow, believe me you'll be better off in the spare room, especially if your dw develops leg cramps in the latter stages of pregnancy !!!

Jay, I'm keeping everything crossed for you and your dw, any joy in getting her to venture onto ff ? ! Hope the drugs aren't sending her do lally.

Work is weird, feels like I'm bunking off every afternoon !!! But enjoying getting into a new routine.
Best wishes to everyone and hope the snow isn't tooo bad where you are.... but we're all having a duvet day today 
Sheila


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## jay g (Sep 12, 2010)

Hey jules n sheila im glad ur all in good spirits. jules i bet the first time u saw the scan u were choked up, cmon u can admit it i wont tell sheila dont wrry lol. Hope everythngs goin amazingly well

Sheila no snow here yet sob sob but then again when theres too much i complain lol. My dw hasnt started the buserline injections yet. We r still waitin for an appointmnt. Dont know y theres a delay. So we still in same position. sheila gettin my dw to join ff?? It wud be easier to get me to give birth lol. Well one can hope


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Jay you can have some of my snow, we've got at least a foot of it up here .....and I'd get better odds at winning the lottery than spotting a flippen gritter !!!  I'm still persuading hubby to build the little one her first snow man hahaha

You giving birth - oohh yuk  I've now got Roy Chubby Brown in my head, not a pretty sight!!!  But I can highly recommend a csection, it doesnt hurt a bit    I really hope that your appointment comes through soon.

Jules, any more scans booked yet?

Hope you've all had a great weekend 
Sheila - off to panic/bulk buy baby food tomorrow - roads are very dangerous with buses being cancelled and taxis are like Rocking Horses poo in these parts - but have wellies will travel (slowly!) hahaha


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## jay g (Sep 12, 2010)

Heyyyy all my dw went for her buserline injection today they have given her 14 injections for nxt two weeks for her to use  seems like fun


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Ohhh deep joy, is she doing the injections herself, or are you taking an 'active part' Jay?!  Might be just as well to get an ice cube (or smowball) it'll numb the area ready for the needle breaking the skin - it's a damn sight faster working than the anesthetic creams you can buy from Boots!!  By freezing the area, it's also less prone to bad bruising - any more titbits of useful info I can think of - I'll pass them on.
Let us know who you and your dw get on - got eveything crossed for you 
Hello everyone - best wishes
Sheila


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## Tillypops (Nov 7, 2005)

Just popping in to wish you gents a



And that all your dreams come true in 2011.

Love
Tilly
xxxx


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## jay g (Sep 12, 2010)

Merry xmas tilly, sheila, jules and all. Hope all ur wishes n dreamz cum true


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Wishing everyone a wonderful Christmas and New Year, praying soo many baby dreams come true 
Best wishes to all the lads and lasses x
Sheila


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## jay g (Sep 12, 2010)

Tuesday 28 december. Blackburn to st marys hosp mancheser appointment 7.30am (very tired)

7.40: blood test done (thats quick maybe a scan will be done by 8??) 

Scan 9.00  y does everything hav to draaaagggg


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## miniemate (Feb 7, 2010)

Hello guys,

I am using my wifes account as easier...  Hope this makes sence im 37 years old normal healthy male. All was good until about 4 yars ago when after trying for a while and nothing happened, I went for tests.....
To my total amazement I had zero sperm in my ejectalate... What i thought, you kidding me. 

Anyhow gutted is a massive understatment. After a testis biopsy sperm was found, great news.
Ive since had a sperm retriveal and woking nuffield have 4 ampules left for icsi treatment. 

My wife & I have had 2 goes now both times placing 2 embrios back, but both times resulted in BFN... my wife is only 24 and healthy no issues at all.

After our 2nd go they managed to freeze 5 more eggs so we are going through FET in feb.. I know we are lucky to be at least having a chance but I can not help feeling like a let down.

No body outside this icsi experance understands how hard everyday is for me and of course my wife, and I get frustated to hell.

When I was 1 year old I had a double hernia opp and thats how all was damaged....but as I say only found out 4 years ago...
Feel better now all is off my chest as limited chance to talk to anybody in similiar situation.

Thanks all 

Jamie


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Jamie
Its a sledgehammer when you get told there's nowt in the botton drawer, for both parties, but it's great news that you've got some little swimmers to use.  
I don't know if its any help, but I ready that sellenium is a good boost for keeping womb lining nice, thick, juicy and welcoming for little embies - she could try eating brazil nuts and drinking pineapple juice (not from concentrate) as they're both a good source of sellenium - anythings worth a try.
I might have just 'struck lucky' but I followed any and every bit of advice I could find.
Wishing you and your wife all the very best
Sheila


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## miniemate (Feb 7, 2010)

Evening, Sheilaweb 

Thats good advice, any advise is taken onboard.

How soon would you say start the Brazil nuts ??

Getting excited about 3rd Feb, to start 3rd try   

Hope u are well

Thanks 
Jamie


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## jules1247 (Jun 2, 2010)

Hi Jamie.

Thanks for posting and sharing your story. Our situation was different but I really do know how you feel, and particularly how hard it is. Sometimes us men get forgotten about as the focus is on our other halves (with good reason) but that does not mean we are not seriously affected by what is happening. 

Really keeping my fingers crossed for you. Keep us informed and feel free to ask anything.

Hi Jay. Any news?

Hi Sheila, Tilly. Hope you are well.

We get to see our twins again tomorrow as we have finally got to our 20-week scan. Really exciting!

Jules.


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## Tillypops (Nov 7, 2005)

Ooh Jules, enjoy!!


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Hi Lads n Lasses,
I'm now officially modding another thread, so I hope you don't mind me sticking my oar in, you lads and especially Azoospermia couples are very close to my heart.
Jamie, to be honest I went overboard on ANYTHING that kept me in a positive state of mind, I'm a Reiki practitioner myself and gave myself regular 'sessions'; I bought a fertility spell off ebay but I also bought a Zita West relaxation cd, especially recorded for IVF treatment..... yeah yeah I can feel everyones eyes rolling now hahaha.... but the latter was very very helpful - after a hard day sitting on my backside in the office, I'd get in, shut the curtains, unplug the phone and put the cd player on.... yes the music was relaxing, but the womans voice got on my wick, but I found the visualisations weird but wonderful.... as for the brazil nuts and pineapple juice, I started just before EC.  I really hope my ramblings are a help to you and your wife.
Jules, OMG, have a fantastic time meeting your babies tomorrow, you will be in awe at how much they've grown....enjoy every second - has your wife swapped you for a body pillow yet hahahaha
Hope everybody is well, I'm just coming to terms with another mercenary leaving my beloved footy club!!  And sooo looking forward to picking up a massive bar bill when we celebrate our little princesses first birthday party 
Best wishes to everyone
Sheila


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## PaulandHelen (Jan 26, 2011)

Hi all, found reading this thread reassuring and positive which may seem bizarre at first but everyone is doing what they can which has to be positive and shows great courage and heart on both sides of a partnership. As well as the emotional strain there is also the financial ones too as many of us I am sure are working long and hard to pay for these treatments. 

We are only just at the beginning of our journey but can already see how tough things can get but we are still being positive and embracing every challenge that will come our way. I feel so lucky to have a fantastic DP who is able to put me at ease and talk calmly and rationally. 

Finally hope you all have a fantastic valentines weekend - I am sure you will as all you must have so much love for each other to be prepared to try all these treatments

Paul (and Helen)


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Paul, going through treatment puts a tremendous strain on even the strongest of couples....I know when we went to see our IUI consultant to ask if he'd refer us for ICSI, he said he'd be happy to do that , but he didnt refer all couples.  But I think it's very helpful and reassuring to have couples who have either gone through, or are going through it with you and provide a support mechanism... especially when fertility remains a taboo subject within many couples and families.
I hope you all have a lovely valentines day - hubby is looking forward to taking his two favourite girls out for a meal 
All the best to everyone
Sheila


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## Monty72 (Feb 17, 2011)

Hello folks , new to site  so just want to put myself out there and say hello , I say I am new to site but my partner have been coming on to the site for some time now . We are on are second go of ivf , and yes it is very difficult thing to go through , I Wish it would work , for us as I do for the rest of you guys and dolls .


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## alibert (Mar 7, 2011)

hi new to the site as well partner has been on for some time we're on our first try hoping it works as well but still understand the odds hope yours goes well monty72. feel its good to talk to people who understand as people I've spoken to seem to think that once an embryo is put back in your on the home straight.


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## Dubster (Jul 13, 2010)

Hi all - rarely post, but i thought i'd try and add some support if possible to this thread, as we've been through it ourselves...firstly, our experience may not be entirely aligned to everyone else's, but our local NHS Fertility clinic was at best frustrating in their approach to our issues, and at the other end of the scale, defeatist when we presented to them initially.

All signs pointed to a Male Factor problem (no sperm present in ejaculate etc), which given my history of sporting/military injuries was not entirely a surprise, but we rightly expected that we'd progress through a process of investigation that would yield some answers, or at least some options. Bottom-line is, despite all blood tests indicating that all was normal with both of us (and particularly the DW), the opportunity to see a urologist for further investigation of me was a last resort in the process, and would only be considered following the stimulation cycle my DW would have to endure - our options at that time were stated as 'acceptance', 'sperm donor'  or 'adoption' - like i say, every PCT's policy is different, but needless to say we weren't happy with those as the only options!

My advice would be to seek out a urologist/andrologist privately who specialises in MFF problems from the outset, and not be contented with the first response given. No disrespect intended, but the hardworking NHS guys/girls have a process to follow, which doesn't necessarily fit with each distinct couple they see - treating infertility is an expensive procedure, and isn't deemed critical when levied against life-threatening conditions etc, so tends to be top of the list when it comes to making efficiency savings - not something that you want to hear if going through it yourself - maybe cynical, but let's be realistic, eh?

For the sake of a few hundred quid, go private for the urology/andrology investigation at least (Dr Ramsay - accept no substitute) - if there's a real issue, at least you'll know before progressing and enduring the stresses of the rest of 'it' - if there's hope (and fingers-crossed - healthy swimmers lurking in there somewhere), it will be worth every penny before progressing further...

For us, we went the whole hogg once we knew that i had plenty of healthy swimmers available (lurking in some tube or another), and went private for the rest of the treatment (stimulation, egg retrieval, embryo transfer etc) - we aren't loaded by any stretch, but took the decision that you can't put a price on what we wanted. It was financially tough to say the least, but we weren't getting any love from our PCT, and it added immeasurably to the stress to know the options they wanted us to consider.

The whole shebang cost in the region of £12k in the end - DW is now 20 wks with twins, and we couldn't be happier. It may have resulted in the same outcome if we had languished on the local NHS waiting lists - but i'd pay the same again for peace of mind being truthful.

My key points - 1) don't accept defeat & easy alternatives offered, 2) challenge everything you are told, 3) beg/borrow/steal money where necessary to validate no (2) (if you aren't being properly supported by your local PCT of course), 4) If it's MFF, seek advice from a consultant urologist/andrologist. not a gynaecologist as the NHS sometimes offer - it's different plumbing altogether!! 5) celebrate every little success along the IVF/ICSI journey - it's emotionally easier to manage in chunks! 6) If you are successful following embryo transfer/2WW - it gets a whole lot more stressful as you wait between each appointment/scan thereafter!! 7) For continued peace of mind, don't be afraid to seek out a private scan between NHS ante-natel appointments....

I'll happily chat in detail with anyone about our experience - we've watched countless friends & Family get pregnant/have children naturally, who kind-heartedly/unknowingly offer the most patronising advice on anything related to assisted conception...my advice, replace your 'swear pot' with a 'sympathy pot' - you'll soon have enough cash to fund any treatment, depending on who you confide in ...


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Fab advice Dubster - we were in the same boat with our PCT, hubby was NOA (no sperm in the ejaculate) although his tubes were checked for blockages, that was it as far as hubbys investigations went!!  Although I'd read up on PESA/TESA etc here on ff, we pushed for this, but it was going to be a wasted effort, and our clinic refused point blank to spend the time/money on this procedure as they didn't expect any return !!
Sadly he lost his job just before we began treatment and without any redundancy to fall back on and too little in the way of savings, we just went on the donor list and hubby began taking Wellman multivitamins in the vain hope it'd make a difference.
We struck lucky, there were some swimmers in his sample on egg collection day - certainly enough to use for icsi, so our donor was left on the subs bench... 
it's awful that many pct's don't allow further investigations, surely it'd be more cost effective to do a few extra tests, than round after round of failed attempts!!!
I hope with all my heart that you lovely lads n lasses get there - it's an awful emotional rollercoaster, and the well meaning but stupid comments by friends and family can really get you down!
Sending everyone all the very very best 
Sheila


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## LizzySA (Feb 28, 2011)

Hi Dubster,

Thanks very much for your story and advice.  Really helpful.

My DH is really stressed about this whole IVF thing.  I have my EC next week!
He doesn't really talk about it at all, but when we go to the clinic for scans etc he freezes up and gets in a bad mood until its over.
His stress and worry is affecting 'other' things that should be happening this week to make his contribution a good one - if you know what I mean  ...  I'm not worried about anything except that one thing!!

He has no MFF issues at present.  I think he just worries - of course - its natural.  But seeing as we have not told any family or friends we have no one else to talk to (except me on FF  ).

Anyway, good luck to you all who are posting messages and to all those who are just reading...

x


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## 63053 (May 22, 2011)

Hi all,
Ive managed to read through some of your stories...I'm on here, recently joined, as we need PGD and IVF.
Anyway, i am joining this thread as I don't feel I understand what my OH is going through. I mean I try to but he doesn't talk about it. me like the girl that i am i like to think about everything and have some sort of vague idea in my head - a sort of plan - even though i know the plan will have to change and flex according to appointments and successes and failures...
anyway, he can only deal with one thing at a time...maybe it's just me, we have only just started, i mean the ivf bit, already been through several years of ttc with 3 mcs...
i can't help getting emotional and i know it will get worse once we start going through the treatment but, and maybe im being paranoid, i sometimes feel he doesn't understand..
the problem is that it is his chromosome disorder that means we need pgd. so i can understand that he feels it is his fault. but i dont feel it is his fault i just want to get on with it as i am so scared it wont work and that it may take us years (im 34 nearly 35 and he is 37 nearly 3. i know we have a few years but...
im sorry, im now rambling. im just finding it all incredibly hard to deal with, not least because my DH's condition will eventually also affect him physically. it just seems so much to deal with. 
but hey, we have our first appointment at the pgd clinic in june - maybe that will give us some answers.
thanks for listening, sorry to be a mess.
good luck to you all on your journeys, i hope you're all surviving the struggle.


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