# What age to put on PAR & how long did you wait to be match to LO under 18months



## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

Hello,

During a meeting with our SW she asked us what age child/ren we are aiming for. We said as young as possible and def under 2 years. She annoyed me slightly by saying 'everyone wants as young LO's as possible & there is lots of competition for them'. She then did say what is your absolute top age and we said 2 years (24 months) so she said we might want to think about getting approval for 0-3 years so we aren't missing out on a perfect match of a LO who is 2yrs 1 month - I completely get this second part but I don't't understand her first comment given all the LO's you guys have who are so young.  

Hubby and I really would like a baby - ideally under 15 months and are happy to wait to find the right match. I'm feeling somewhat deflated by our SW comment and wondering whether I have been completely naive in hoping we can be matched with a LO under 15 months. 

For those who's LO's were under 18month when they came home, would you mind sharing A) how long after approval panel did you wait to be matched B) was your LO within your LA/VA and the family finder approached you or did you proactively find your LO through things like 'Be My Parent' or exchange days C) was there lots of competitive matching & if so how many adopters interesting in your LO? 

Also, general question for those already approved, did you extend your age ie like above suggestion of putting 0-3years or did you just put the age you are interested in ie 0-2 year for us. Hubby thinks if we put 0-3years we could miss out as might be looked over for younger ones as our upper age limit is 3 years.

Sorry for so many questions, would really appreciate hearing your experiences.

Thanks, Lizard xx


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## Emma-is-a-mummy (Jan 16, 2012)

Hi lizard, 

One thing I will say is stick to your word and say 0-2 years if your happy, we started the process saying as young as possible but changed to 0-3 years and when shown profiles for children almost 3 or 2 and a half it didn't feel right and in the end sw said she wouldn't show any profiles over 18 months. 

We got approved in November 12 and linked with little man march 13 he wasn't from our la but was on the consortium of la's surrounding ours he was the 1st lo from there that we saw and he was the one. 
It was competitive match and apparently they chose us out of 3 couples. We have  been on the sad side of competitive match Before Xmas but we totally feel it happened for a reason because our little man just needed to find us. 

I'd say stick with the age your happy with and hang in there it truly is worth the wait. Your lo is out there just waiting for you. 

I hope this helps  xxx


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Hi Lizard

We said 0-2 but extended to 0-3 on social workers advice so we didn't look as 'picky'. She said she would look for younger children off record though. As you know we have been linked to 8 month old baby girl. We were linked after around 8 weeks waiting. In that time we saw 13 profiles, ALL under 2 years. The children were all from our local consortium, although it is a large one. We hope to have her home in September, aged 10 months. The agency's family finder approached our social worker saying they would like to meet us. We met the week later and they said they had had loads of interest but only wanted to meet us so no competitive match. Hope this helps lovely


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## Dreams do come true (Jan 4, 2012)

Hi Lizard

 There are plenty of babies from what I saw!

However, we were approved for up to two children aged 0-4, panel said they could see us with 1 young baby with another in the future. 

We are with a VA, who place children on behalf of LAs that struggle to place, for example: the LA may not have enough adopters (this was the case for us), may have needs and be considered hard to place, may need to place outside the area etc.

We waited 1 week for our link...although it did take a couple of moths to get officially linked due to the LA dragging feet! Ours were/are healthy siblings who were 4mth an 18mth at the time! We saw and enquired about several (10-15) children all under 2, with the majority under 1, none were bmp or cww, some were shown to us at exchange days but were not hard to place. Our VA were approached by an LA about us.

We started HS mid June an got to approval panel on 23rd October.

I openly said: I want to adopt up to 2 children, if 2 then one older and one as young as possible, if one child then as young as possible.

X
Just wanted to add...we saw and enquired about so many and attended the exchange day because we were in a competitive match and carried on searching incase we lost our link (we thought we would....BUT we didn't...they are currently upstairs sleeeeeeeping) x


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi Lizard,

I would agree you need to be true to yourselves about the age you do want but here's my twopence worth based on experience:

Our LA hadn't placed an under 18months in the 9-12months we were going through HS and we did have a long wait (we found LO through an exchange day). We had very very open criteria and reading these boards I did set myself up for a fall. Not all LAs are as good and in times of austerity more are trying to keep costs lower by keeping in house so you do need to heed what ur SW is saying. We've also went to the line in what we would accept for our perfect lil man. He came home older than I'd hoped but he was delayed in many milestones so actually felt like a much younger baby & I feel we got that perfect stage (he's also catching up v fast with milestones now).

You also need to bear in mind that a link and coming home can drastically slow down (many recent examples on here) and happened to a couple we knew. Thus you need to decide if this happened after you being linked how would you feel if by time home they were older than your 24mths limit?

It's sooo difficult and I remember the conflict. Funnily I tend to agree with your DH in leaving your criteria as you can always change later on if you feel you are waiting too long for the right age. Our SW starting saying to this we would need to go back to panel to approve  the age change but it rarely happens.
X


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## beachgirl (Jun 7, 2007)

We were matched by LA to a 6  month old and found out about them the day of Approval Panel, due to waiting for ratificaiton, Life Appreciation Day, MP and ratification once more they were just under 9 months old when they came home


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi Lizard

We said 0-2 years. It took four months after approval to find LO and this was done by another LA contacting our SW about us. It then took around 3 months to complete things and get her home early July. Our LO was out of the area and her LA were looking to place within their area / network but they couldn't find a suitable match. Irritating really as had they not procrastinated (it cost them money to place her with us) she'd have been home aged 9 months or so but instead was a year old by the time it all went through, her initial profile was put up when she was 7 months. 

I saw her SW last week and she told me she has 3 babies (aged 18 months) she is struggling to place. I asked if this was because they were trying to place within their consortium and I think the answer was largely yes, but she is now going to have to consider casting the net much wider.

Babies are out there, of that I'm sure! Stick to your guns. When we started we said 0-4 , it was actually our SW who talked us down age wise. You may have to wait a few months but it will be worth it of that is what you want.

We were told it costs thousands to place outside the consortium which is why they hang about a bit hoping to find a more local match.


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Hi lizard


We said 2 siblings 0-4 years.  I always wanted a little one in my heart but wanted to keep our options open incase there was a baby and a three year old sibling group.
We were approved for upto two in this age range.
We found our match 8 weeks after approval, at a coffee morning. 7 months. Yes there was competitive matching but thankfully lo sw choose us. It was the worse 4 days wait in our lives.(apart from now waiting for matching panel) with regards to not many babies we saw profiles of at least 10 - 15 under 18 months.
Putting down an age doesn't tie you to that age group. So don't worry about the age range.  That's flexible.
But be true to yourself, as people have said before. if you feel when looking at profiles that a certain age range is for you then tell you sw. We pulled several profiles while looking for our match but we noticed all of them were 5-18 months in age. So we then knew that was our range. 
When you find your match you will know it.  As soon as we saw our lo profile we just knew. And no matter how many other profiles we looked out tha day we couldn't focus on any of them apart from this one.


Good luck in your journey


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## peacelily (Feb 24, 2006)

Hi Lizard,


We were approved for 0-18 months, but our National Register profile was changed to 0-12 months (at our request). We waited 8 months, and have been matched with a little girl who will be under a year at placement. 


With our first, we were approved for 2 0-6 years or 1 0-4 years, we waited 4 months and were matched to DS who was under 6 months on placement.


Just be true to yourselves   


Peacelily xx


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## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

You guys are amazing   thank-you so much for the support and wise words you offer. I've read all your posts to hubby and we are feeling more positive and as we have said since starting our journey - we will be very honest with each other throughout the process. Xxx


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

We wanted an older child 2.5-5 mainly due to our ages. We were matched to a lo, 23 months on placement as no older children were available ( and  because we fell in love with him). Our friend we met through training wanted as young as possible, a girl and definitely not over 2. She waited 4 months for a 7 month old girl. Another couple were matched at the same time as us to a 12 month old. We are all with an la who frequently told us all we currently have no under twos. This is true because under twos dont stay on their books for long as there is always people waiting. Nobody else wanted our lo because he was too old! You should stick to what you want.


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

When I started process our la had 3 age groups that went to panel with 0-2, 2-5 and over 5 years. Have now changed this to 0-4 and over 4 years. So when we go to panel it will be for 0-4 years. But social worker is aware that we are interested in 0-2 years so that is where will be looking for a match.


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

When we first approached our VA we wanted children aged 2-8.

They said that their usual age brackets are 0-5 and 5+, but we have managed to get approved for 2-5 instead.


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

Like LilyElf, we were talked the other way by our SW, I was happy to be considered for children aged up to 4 years. She said we should ask to be linked to children <2yrs as there were lots of babies in care. She was of the attitude 'the younger the better.'

We've been longer than most on here getting a match, but I will be honest, along the whole process we've been incredibly unlucky. We were approved last July, we had four potential matches mooted and turned down, for varying reasons. We were linked to our LO in March when he was aged nine months, its taken until last week to get to panel as there was a last minute panic about a health issue. Then there will be another delay waiting ratification, and SWs holidays. We are hoping to meet him at the end of August and get him home at the beginning of Setember, when he will be about 13-14 months.

So even we, who've had the worst luck in the world are getting a baby,   and a year isn't nearly as bad as we told when we started the process three years ago. We were told them you could wait about two years for a healthy white infant.


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## Doofuz (Mar 9, 2008)

We were approved for 0-preschool so up to age 4/4.5. May approval panel and Sept intros so not long at all. They are out there but wait might be longer, you say you are happy to wait a bit. SW have to play devils advocate all the time, I know ours did. Keep it up though, stick to your guns.


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## KJB1978 (Nov 23, 2010)

We waited 4 months to be matched with a 5 month old baby.  He had 22 couples linked to him as acceptable and we were incredibly lucky to be successful as our LA does competitive matching and we had been put through to FLM three times prior to this match and been unlucky all three times.

Just stick to your guns, there is no point seeing profiles of LO's you really do not want to be considered for as it is so hard to see pics and not want to bring them all home.  

Good Luck!


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## newmum (Jan 22, 2011)

Hi Lizard firstly congratulations, we have been approved for 0-2 yr 11 months and all links have been under 12 months. Stick with your heart x


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