# Clinic wrote to us to say embryos destroyed in error



## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Hi some may know me on here from a while back.  We were gathering the courage for a final session with our 5 frosties from an NHS cycle that we were planning to move to our chosen clinic in time for a spring session.  They wrote to us yesterday 2nd class with the letterhead "sharing your journey" to say that following our request to move them our babies had been destroyed in error and were no longer viable, no further explanation.  They then went on to offer to refund storage costs.
I'm 47 the embryos were our last chance for our own child other than I blasto in the new clinic ....I'm in shock and grief and have no words for such incompetence and callousness.


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## livity k (May 19, 2009)

I'm speechless that must be everyone's worst nightmare, and to tell you in a letter is unforgivable. I think they should be refunding an awful lot more than storage costs. Have you posted in Ask a lawyer?

So so sorry for your loss. 
Livity


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Thanks Livity k we will be talking to a lawyer my husband is cold with fury and he is such a chilled out man.  I'm still in shock but just wanted to post on here where people understand what we have lost.


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## Riley12 (Aug 12, 2013)

Maybemummy,

I cried when I read your post, the thought of this happening to you or anyone else fills me with horror and deep sadness.

I hope a lawyer can help you but I know nothing will replace what you've lost.

Sending you lots of  

Riley12 x


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

OMG  Thats terrible, i just dont know what to say.  I am so sorry i really am. xx


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Thank you Riley 12 and coweyes it's what we all fear so much and I can't believe it happened.


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Thank you Riley 12 it's what we all fear so much and I can't believe it happened.


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## DarlingGirl (Oct 16, 2012)

I too am speechless.

How awful for you both, I can't imagine how upset and angry you feel right now and I'm so very sorry. 

I would definitely be speaking to both the HFEA and a lawyer.

xxxx


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## Tommi (Jun 22, 2011)

So sorry to read this Maybemummy. There are no words. Like the others say, a lawyer and the HFEA would be good places to start. Utterly unbelievable. 
Txx


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## Faithope (Jan 16, 2011)

*maybemummy* I am disgusted! They think a letter is acceptable?? Even a phone call will be an insult! They should have asked you in to explain, give you a massive payout (even though NO amount of cash can replace what has been lost) and give you a free cycle! I am so sorry hun, truely awful xx


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## Maria00 (May 16, 2013)

Oh my, that's terrible! And I can't believe they didn't call you and tell you in person. 

I agree with the other ladies, I would definitely be speaking to both the HFEA and a lawyer. 

Best of luck!


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

Oh my goodness!! That's terrible! You must be devastated!


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## bearloopy77 (Feb 1, 2013)

maybemummy- i think the coldness in their letter is as good as them admitting that they know they are in big trouble.
Nothing will make it any easier but please make sure you pursue this as far as you can, if not to only make sure
it never happens to anyone else. I have my fingers and toes crossed for the rest of your journey sending the warmest   i can xxx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

i'm appalled so so sorry maybemummy - it's beyond reason that they can think it ok to tell you by second class letter! They should have told you in person! But just awful that their systems allowed the loss in the first place. go after them with lawyers! it is feeble of them to think refunding your storage costs is acceptable as a response to such tragedy.    it is a nightmare scenario so so sorry for your loss.


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Thanks so much to all it's comforting that you all understand the fear of trusting others with our precious embryos and now the horror of what has happened to us.  

My husband called them today and we know a little more.  Apparently our embryos were destroyed in error instead of another couple's embryos - that couple had requested destruction.  We think it happened last week on remembrance day   .  They are doing an internal investigation but that won't help us and they want a face to face which again won't bring our frozen babies back.  They have said it's human error but it's not it clearly talks to process and protocols.  I called the **** this morning and they are sending me a pack so no great action there as expected. Clearly we need to get our heads straight and talk to a lawyer.... but I still can't believe this has happened.


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## mamochka (May 23, 2013)

oh my god maybemummy, i did not want read and run, got the goosebumps, chill down my spine and knot in my throat at the same time!!   
I think you definitely should go with lawyers after them for moral compensation, free cycles, etc etc. What a shame to "professionalism" 
Are you sure your eggs cannot work anymore...we all heard miracle cases of natural pregnancies after 45 after going completely healthy+supplements. Sorry for my babble just wanted to throw ideas.


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Thanks mamochka and looking at your sig congrats on your BFP hun.  When we started this we set a date to stop using my eggs which was 43 and I'm 46 now, this is partly why we were looking at the frozen transfer.  Also each fresh cycle took such a toll on us emotionally and physically for me with steroids (we have immune issues) , down regulation etc and OH said he was worried.  So considering another fresh cycle would be totally uncharted territory for us even if a clinic would take us.  I suppose after we have had a few days to accept where we are this may change but at the moment I'm numb as our snowbabies were the plan for the next few months and now everything has changed.


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## Artypants (Jan 6, 2012)

I am utterly shocked to read this, what a horrendous mistake and such a callous way of telling you. To offer a refund of storage fees is just a slap in the face and an insult quite frankly. I hope you sue their asses but it won't take away what they have done to you and for that I am really sorry. Good luck with your legal case xx


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## melloumaw (Feb 2, 2012)

maybe 
i would contact the papers, watchdog and any other big body out there, what they have done and the way they have told you is disgusting, all embryo's are barcoded now so that this kind of thing cant happened,
as for human error then that means someone is responsible
i wish you well in your pursuit of redemption


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Thanks Artypants and Melloumaw .  I have spoken to a lawyer (cried so much it was difficult) it's not about damages which are minimal it's about putting it out there so others know how incompetent they are and can move their embryos if they are worried.  The lawyer said this does happen and they have seen it a few times.  They are supposed to barcode and double witness so how can this happen? Nothing can bring back our embryos but we can make others aware.


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## Greyhoundgal (Oct 7, 2013)

Oh my god I am so appalled for you and cried for your loss   Nothing can bring back all the potential and hope that was contained in your embryos - it is unforgivable. There are supposed to be all sorts do checks and double checks for the HFEA and the HTA so this is a disgrace. I would get your lawyer to go after them for emotional distress .... It won't bring them back but it might give you something towards future treatment

So so so sorry   

Grey xx


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

It's unbelievable to hear a clinic could allow such incompetence & what a callous letter, there is no price that can be put on something as precious as the chance to have children.

I do hope you get a full investigation & apology from the clinic, & a level of financial compensation that recognizes what their actions have deprived you of.

So deeply sorry,

B xxx


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Thanks Greyhoundgal and bombsh3ll I think I'm moving into the grief stage now as I just keep sobbing uncontrollably and feel so very sad.  They were ours and we cherished them we would not have allowed them to perish without a chance of life in a frozen cycle.  I was raised catholic and although I have my struggles with the church over HiV and condom denial etc I'm haunted by the fact that our potential children were discarded in this way .  Also I don't know if I have the full story as the other couple could have opted to donate or to allow experimentation for research ... I am in torment and would never wish this for another living soul let alone people already suffering the pain of infertility.


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## sarahsuperdork (Mar 12, 2013)

Hi maybemummy, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your losses - this is a terrible thing to happen but worse is the way the clinic have dealt with it.No amount of money will bring back what you lost but like you say, others need to be warned. I don't understand how this could happen, I'm disgusted on your behalf, really.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

it frustrates me that if 5 babies in incubators on a ward died, there'd be a huge public outcry, but they seem to think just because they are still embryos that an 'oops we made a mistake' letter is somehow adequate. I can see it can't be illegal to destroy embryos since I think IVF would be impossible in that instance but still there should be more recognition that these are potential individual human beings. As a 'mummy' to four frosties mine feel like 'people' to me!


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Thanks Sarah and goldbunny.  Our embryos have always been babies to be for us real and just waiting to be realised by a miracle if we were lucky enough.  It does feel like they were killed and I wasn't there for them and didn't know it was happening.  I'm trying to get a grip and I visited the pregnancy loss threads and saw some of the baby angel threads there and I know that others have felt even more pain than I after having loved and nurtured their angels in the womb.  I just hope my embryos know they were very much cherished and wanted by us both and that feeling that they could sense our love will have to keep me going.


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## Marie1970 (Mar 9, 2011)

Maybemummy, it is just heart breaking what has happened to you, I like everyone am shocked and so sorry this has happened. It should never happen to anyone but is a fear we all have cas our little potential babies are in the care of someone elses hands. Strangers. I hope they pay for their carelessness and callousness. Tho nothing will bring them back    I hope you can find some peace and that your last blast is a little miracle that you deserve.    I am so angry at your clinic and so sad for you right now.  i am so sorry for your loss


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## MissT (formally MissTurneriffic) (Mar 10, 2012)

I'm so so sorry to hear of your tragic news. I'm heartbroken for you and hope your lawyer helps you get some sort of answers and the clinic pays for their incompetence.

Xxxx


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Thanks so much Summer and Miss T  we do trust them with our most precious gifts and not all are professional and worthy of our trust. I want to bring them to account and to reach the person behind the veil of professional insurance and let them know the reality of what they have done and what it has done to our lives.


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

The person responsible may feel simply dreadful about it, you never know, or they may not even be aware that it has happened.  It may well not be a horrible thoughtless nasty person, but a horrible horrible mistake by someone who is so so sorry.  Im not saying by any means that its not dreadful but it may not be quite how it appears.  Also there is a a double checking procedure, so either 2 people checked it and authorised it to be destroyed incorrectly or it was left up to one person.  


I think there are 2 parts to this.  1)  The fact that the mistake happened  2)  And the letter that was sent, so tbh yourv been failed twice (sorry to put it like that).


The bit that i carnt belive is the letter that they send, what did they expect you to say to it?? O thats ok? well no its blooming not!   


Tbh its scary what else goes on behind the doors? we are so vulnerable because we need their services.  Disgusting


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

We have found out a little more today and it gets worse.  On the day concerned there was a pile of notes in the embryology lab, the pile was notes for embryos intended for destruction, that was the task in hand. Our notes were also in the lab as I had rung in the past few months asking to move our embryos - our notes ended up on the destruction pile.  This is where it gets terrifying, the two embryologists checked names on the notes and patient numbers against the names on the frozen embryos - they did not match this against the HFEA option form where we express our wishes to extend storage, destroy , donate or allow use in research.
I may be wrong but it appears that the double witness in this case that led to our embryos being killed in error boils down to nothing but a literacy test between the two embryologists where they just checked the name on the front of the notes and the name on the embryo straws.  The checking was lax within an awful process with no regard for HFEA consent forms or the storage and handling of patient records.  There is a big difference between return medical notes to file and destroy this couple's embryos and I trusted them to know that.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

it makes your blood run cold.


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## sarahsuperdork (Mar 12, 2013)

It sounds more like complete and utter negligence rather than a mistake or accident, so awful for you both.


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## Maria00 (May 16, 2013)

OMG   how awful!   Hope a lawyer will be able to help you with this.
I know nothing will replace what you've lost, but the clinic should at the very least offer you a few free cycles.


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Yep totally and utterly disgusting!


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## juju81 (Nov 2, 2007)

Omg.  That devastating.  I had issues with our donor sperm (think I've explained it in my diary) and our nurse called us to explain the situation.  That's awful. Don't let this drop.  We didn't and they have funded all our tx and sperm for more treatment.


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## Marmot (Aug 6, 2009)

I'm so sorry to read this. So sorry for your loss and that it sounds like it could and should have been avoided with better procedures


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Thanks all for your kindness.  We want people to know that this sort of thing can happen and to help people decide how much info they need from a new clinic. We are going to talk to our MP and write to the health ministers to ask them to include clinics in the new duty of candour and to ensure that incidents Inc **** reports and and near miss reports are available to patients considering using a clinic.


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## calypso (Nov 11, 2008)

Goodness me 
That's disgusting. I hope you are taking legal action. Not that that will ever be able to compensate for your loss . I can't believe they told you in a letter second class post
Which clinic was this?
They need to review their procedures.
I'm so sorry for your loss


X


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## MissT (formally MissTurneriffic) (Mar 10, 2012)

That's disgusting that your notes got caught up in the wrong pile and they didn't realise. I'm so sorry and echo what everyone else has said xxx


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

This is simply shocking & I am distraught for you   Surely a pile of notes is not safe enough & just asking for errors. I would have thought that people change their minds all the time & whether you wanted embryos destroyed, donated or whatever initially was not a good enough system. To destroy embryos is so final that surely an authorization to destroy form, signed just prior to action, would be more appropriate than a bunch of notes. Printed on a different colour paper would leave no room for error. Simple but effective. 
Thinking of you xx


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## dragonfly10 (Dec 5, 2010)

Maybemummy,

I'm so very sorry to read this post. What a dreadful thing to happen. Anyone who has been through infertility treatment knows exactly what those little bundles of cells mean to the hopeful couple. They are our 'babies to be' as you beautifully put it and so very precious. We put all our hopes and dreams into them. So very sorry for such a great loss.

When I told my DH he shuddered too, instantly feeling your pain.

Hugs to you both  .


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## Cay23 (Jan 12, 2011)

How absolutely awful for you. Your story has brought me to tears and my heart goes out to you   I   you get justice for what has happened.

Bundles - what a great idea. So simple.

xx


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## Leftleg (Oct 30, 2011)

I'm absolutely disgusted that they've behaved with such disregard towards you in every way. I'm heartbroken for you both. So so sorry


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Thanks Cay23   This should never be allowed to happen again. I used to work in a lab years ago & am amazed that in this day of 'PC, H&S madness' their system could be so lax


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## MovingSiren (Mar 17, 2013)

OMG! Big massive hugs to you Maybemummy. I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. I sincerely pray and hope that you will in the nearest future hold your miracle in your arms. 
I agree with the rest that the clinic should be held completely accountable.
Sorry for the losses xx


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Thanks to all for you kind support and thoughts   the latest today is that we received a letter again second class from the clinic. We thought that it must be the results of the investigation to help us understand what had happened and how things could go so wrong that we are without our our precious frozen babies. Should have known better it was a cheque for the refund of our strorage fees, no cover note just a cheque..... how cold.


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## Artypants (Jan 6, 2012)

Unbelievable! this should be enough for you to now realize they need to be publicly brought to justice for this, how cruel and heartless. Have you sought legal advice? x


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

it's just so sad. i think the lack of cover note shows guilt... like someone's said to someone 'we're in trouble here for god's sake don't say anything they can use against us...'
 how dreadful that they can make a tragedy so much worse by being callous and uncaring.


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## Dudders (Jun 18, 2012)

This really is such an awful situation and I can't begin to imagine how you feel.  Their actions are totally unacceptable.  Silly question but have you asked for their formal complaints policy and put the complaint in writing?  There is of course no denying they are in the wrong but you will need to dot the i's and cross the t's to cover all the bases.  Don't cash the cheque either - it wouldn't surprise me if this was deliberate in the hope you might so they could try and claim you have agreed their offer of settlement.

I am surprised that the hfea seemed so disinterested - perhaps try them again and push to speak to someone higher up as this is an investigation they should be involved in.  Take legal advice first but I would be seriously contemplating threatening that you'll go to the press with this.  Perhaps this will make them sit up and listen?


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## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

Maybemummy, my heart goes out to you I can hardly begin to comprehend how you must feel.

If it was me I certainly wouldn't leave it there, as Dudders has said ask for their formal complaints procedure and demand a meeting with a senior member of staff to discuss what happened and how.

You may not feel up to it just yet but it may also help you in the long run to feel you have had some answers.

From a legal standpoint I agree with not cashing the cheque yet just hold on to it.

They cannot be allowed to simply sweep this kind of thing under the carpet and their poor way of dealing with this smacks of a cover up, it's much easier to tell a half or whole untruth in a letter than it is face to face?

I wish you every lucky and strength to deal with this terrible situation.

Pudding
X


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## MissT (formally MissTurneriffic) (Mar 10, 2012)

Unbelievable ... No other words.

Xxxxxxxx


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## MovingSiren (Mar 17, 2013)

In my eyes, this second letter makes matters worse! 
I wish I was a lawyer to take up this case for you free of charge! Please do all you can to make it as public as possible. It's horrifying they can treat you like this especially considering what you have gone through and will be going through right now!
Use all the available complaint procedures. I would start off by writing a strongly worded letter sent recorded delivery.
I hope you get some justice from this. Thinking of you!


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## Maria00 (May 16, 2013)

Re the 2nd second class letter from the clinic - how simply awful!  
So sorry for you, hope you'll get some justice asap!


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Thanks so much for all the kind thoughts and suggestions,we are feeling so supported and understood. I felt a little stronger this week so I have opened the HFEA pack which outlines how to complain when a clinic has breached the HFEA license. We are also considering other actions as we feel angry about the cheque with no cover letter as they seem never to learn does this mean they could destroy wanted embryos again? Still very sad and I've lost weight ,people mean well but unless you have suffered infertility it's difficult to appreciate what we have lost.Thanks again for your kindness.


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Still thinking of you & sending you some strength to deal with this awful situation   

xx


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## urbangirl (Jul 28, 2010)

Maybemummy, this is just awful and my heart goes out to you. It's an extraordinary error to make, you'd think when doing something as critical as destroying embryos that the staff would take more than the usual care to check they have got it right, there's just no excuse for this. The clinic clearly doesn't have procedures in place to prevent this happening and they should- that needs to change. Re the cheque, I wouldn't bank it because to do so can be seen as an acceptance of the terms of their compensation.  If it were me I would point out that the refund of storage does not cover the cost of the IVF cycles you had to go through in order to create those embryos. They should give you however many cycles you need in order to create 5 more blasts and, given your age, throw in genetic testing for free as well, plus give you compensation to take account of how grevious their error is.
Every clinic will have insurance to cover incidents like this, by sending you a refund cheque for storage they're just trying to fob you off. I would get an initial appointment with a legal firm that has dealt with IVF compensation cases in the past.  When it's appropriate you should name and shame the clinic- when clients avoid their business in droves they will understand how unacceptable this is.
best of luck moving forward


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## vicki_857 (Jan 13, 2013)

This is utterly awful.  If can't believe how they have treated you as it is truly disgusting.

I would also ask for a copy of all your notes from the clinic to aid in your complaint.  If I am right you have 3 yrs in which to complain.

I would also write a formal complaint to the clinic, my understanding is that they have a legal obligation to respond in 30 days  ( or at least they have to in the NHS) and inform you what action has been taken.
You could also complain via the CQC as the governing institution for all healthcare facilities .

Maybe approach your local paper?  This might make an interesting story and these clinics run on reputation.  Also the paper may find out if other mistakes have occurred , all hospitals or clinics are required by law to provide information to reasonable questions under the freedom of information act.  They also have to respond to these in a certain time frame.

It will not help your pain or loss, but it may prevent another couple going through this terrible ordeal .

My thoughts are with you xxxxxxxx


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

The **** have issued an alert to clinics following 3 episodes of embryos being destroyed in error recently - one of which referred to our situation.  Our hearts go out to the other two couples. The Sunday Times ran a small article yesterday based upon this and we were asked to comment , which we did. We did this in order to try to prevent this senseless loss happening to another couple. The clinic was named and asked for comment which came in the form of an apology to us.  Prior to this we had not received a formal apology or any written admission or update beyond the initial letter advising us that the embryos were "no longer viable for implantation". We were also asked to take part in another interview for radio this week.  They are genuine and highly respected national journalists but I'm not sure I'm robust enough for live discussion. It makes me feel very sad that I'm letting other women down by not making this issue more public.


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Maybemummy


Your not letting anyone down at all, honestly unfortunately you can't be the only couple this has happened to so maybe one of the other couples will speak out.  


So whats happening from here regarding your case? xx


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

I have long given up on any treatment but happened to stumble upon this and felt I had to reply   .

How totally dreadful for you.  I felt completely sick reading it   . I am so very sorry for your loss.  I hope some justice will be done.

You are not letting anyone down by feeling too raw to talk about it to journalists.  Think of yourself, this is a devastating loss and you need time to grieve.  

Sending cyber love and hope for the future   

Remember, none of this was your fault   

Take care of yourself.
X


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## Falco (Aug 20, 2004)

Is this the same story that the Sunday Times reported yesterday?  This is absolutely appalling.  Nothing can return the lost embryos but the clinic can't just hide behind the excuse of having made a mistake.  These are tiny human lives for goodness sake.


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## ciacox (May 31, 2013)

Maybemummy - I was so devastated to read your story. With our last hopes currently restiing on one frostie I can imagine your pain. And I am so shocked by how you have been treated. Amidst all the anger and bureaucracy I hope you get some space to grieve. Sending you many hugs xxx


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Thanks so much for your kindness all.  Yes it is the same story and it feels odd to be reading about your own grief whilst you are enduring it at the same time - I would cry for us if it wasn't about us - if people understand this??  As for the future and actions we are undecided, the current legal framework in the UK will not make the clinics like our first NHS cycle clinic take note and mend their ways as it's one or two private patient fees later and they recoup any damages lost in actions and move on.  We are still too raw to form a cogent platform for debate but wanted so much to warn others. At the same time I'm sceptical that sharing our grief so close to the event will result in a tangible improvement in clinic error records - it would damage us and we have to heal moving forwards.  However we do hope our experience may support others in being more cautious and assertive in discussions with their clinic and in the research they do before placing this precious cargo of tiny human lives, as you say Falco. in the hands of others.


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## Falco (Aug 20, 2004)

I note that the issue of carelessness with human embryos has been raised in Parliament.

http://www.theyworkforyou.com/wrans/?id=2014-02-12a.187161.h&s=HFEA#g187161.r0

/links


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