# Any young adopters out there?



## Awright10 (Mar 8, 2013)

Hi all,
I'm 26 and DH is 30 and we are inthe process of choosing an LA/VA.
Are there any young (ish) adopters out there? I never thought my age would be a problem as don't class myself as particularly young but a friend who is an experienced social worker thinks it may be a problem for ALOT of agencies.
Has anyone else come across this problem/or lack of if I'm beig silly

Any advice would be appreciated
Amie xx


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Hiya. I'm 27 and hubby is 30. It's not been that much of an issue but it does come up from sw.


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## Doofuz (Mar 9, 2008)

Hi  

I'm 30 and my H is 33. I consider ourselves quite young going by the differing ages that attended the prep course. I haven't found it to be an issue though, although we don't keep up with anyone from the course besides the couple that are our age. I would put this down to personality rather than age. 26 may seem young to you but it isn't about your age, more about what you can offer a child at your age. I was an old 26 year old myself, married with own house at 24 and was wanting kids straight after. Most agencies say as long as you are over 21 then they would be interested in taking you on. I don't think you have much to worry about


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## Awright10 (Mar 8, 2013)

Thanks fr your responses girls, I'm 26 going on 40 lol so just hope it goes ok and isn't an issue.
Our local LA looks pretty poor so currently looking at VAs but its a
Minefield and I just don't know where to start:-s
X


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

In the past it has been a problem for some panels, I am told, partly because of life experience and experience of dealing with difficulties, and partly because you have a long time ahead of you where a biological family may technically be possible, and there is sometimes a feeling from panels that if things get tough, you may just decide there are other options open to you - there's a worry about placements not lasting essentially.  Not my thoughts, please understand.

Having said that in some areas it's no problem.  If you can demonstrate you've thought it through properly, have sufficient experience to deal with the challenges, it shouldn't be an issue.  Worth discussing at the first visit though.

When we were approved we were just a little older, 28 and 33.  Our (relatively) young ages as adopters were discussed during the assessment, but this was not considered to be an issue for us.  Reasons they gave were that I was the older, so remaining "fertility" time was low, and because of our very clear reasons for stopping trying to have a biological family.  Also because we were considered to have a significant amount of life experience and proven track record of overcoming difficulties individually and together.  We also had a very long relationship for our ages (10 years).

Just worth doing a little research before selecting who to use I think.


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Were 25 and 29 and we have been told its refreshing to have young blood in prep group. Our LA is very understanding of why we want to adopt and our age hasnt been a issue


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## Awright10 (Mar 8, 2013)

Thank you Wyxie,
Yes I agree we need to read up an have our answers to the questions ready.
Our fertility consultant has pretty much said we wont ever be able to conceive naturally so I'm hoping I can convince them.


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## Awright10 (Mar 8, 2013)

Thanks Sass00,
You have all reassured me ALOT this evening x


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## watakerfuffle (Jan 26, 2011)

Hi, my husband and I were 28 when we started the adoption process and 29 when lo was placed with us. As someone else said our LA felt it refreshing to have younger adopters. There were things that helped our case though for eg. they like you to have had life experiences, to have thoroughly researched all our options with regard to having a family and of course researched adoption and read books, talked to friends who have adopted etc. All things that put you in better stead for the process. Good luck


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## Awright10 (Mar 8, 2013)

Thanks Waterkafufle,
in your option and I don't need specifics don't worry, what would you define as "world experience"?  I almost feel like because our life has been pretty good apart from IVF we don't have any hurdles we have had to overcome and somehow because our life has been good we will be penalised for it. 
X


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## watakerfuffle (Jan 26, 2011)

Things like bullying, parents divorcing, death in family, serious illness in family, living different places, experienced different jobs and had own business, having a broad range of friends. That's all I can think of at the mo! Just things that I experienced, learnt something from and could relate to something else if that makes sense!


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## Awright10 (Mar 8, 2013)

Ah that makes me feel better! We have plenty of those..I think because we take everything in our stride we cope pretty well with alot of things so I suppose we could use those 
X


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## watakerfuffle (Jan 26, 2011)

Yeah to be fair I am also fairly laid back and don't dwell on things! I would casually mention something and my sw would jump on it and want more info!. Basically she felt I had plenty of life experiences and I just agreed!! Good luck with it all, i'm sure you will be snapped up as potential adopters


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

I'm 28 and fiance is 32. I was 27 when we started the process and 26 when we first expired. Did get some negativity from local authority to be honest. They couldn't seem to grasp that we wouldnt try for biological children again in the future as 'time was on our side'. But fertility wasn't, the desire for more treatment wasn't and I found it very patronising to be honest. Just because I was young doesn't mean we hadn't been on the same journey as many older. We just knew I had problems so started trying younger. We were told the average adopters were 40 and I don't think we were taken seriously

We went to a VA and they totally dismissed the other views and said the LAs loss was their gain   you may experience some old fashioned views but if you find the right agency you will be fine. Our social worker looks on our age favourably and so do we


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Expired?!!! Enquired!!!!   just contradicted the whole age thing if I'm apparently past my best


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## Awright10 (Mar 8, 2013)

Thanks,we are really struggling with choosing an agency at the moment so know I'm thinking a few steps ahead but I think I feel like I have some control if I know what to expect lol 
Lolly - I think we are leaning heavily towards a VA as we just don't seen to get any posture feedback from anywhere for our local LAs x


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

I'm 27 and when we started the process I was 26. It's never come up once as an issue. DH is 10 years older than me (not that you'd know it, most people think he's under 30 and I'm under 21 - good genes!!!) . There was another couple on our prep who were both around 30 too. It's never been raised but I think you can get a good idea of someone from a first meeting so had we seemed naive or unprepared I guess that could have made a difference.


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

HSDad and I were under 30 when we started planning to adopt. We will be under 35 when we do bring a child home. Because of our ages, we haven't felt in a hurry. We have had nothing but praise for our preparation combined with our so-called youth. So I don't think age matters as much as preparation and motivation.


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## Awright10 (Mar 8, 2013)

Thanks guys its reassuring to know its not an issue if we can show we are grounded and have child are experience. Think we decided on a VA yesterday so super excited at the minute. I got that fuzzy feeling after I spoke to one if their social workers and really want to work with them to find our family! X


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Awww congratulations!!! Hope your VA will be as wonderful as ours was. At prep there were two other couples under 30 which really surprised, but pleased me. Think some agencies still hold an old fashioned view on age, but this thread shows there's plenty of us about! Having said that I was still very conscious at panel to wear heals and my hair in a certain way so I didn't look about 12   even got asked for ID at the pub last week so it was a real consideration to look 'old and wise' on the day   

What are your next steps then?


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## Poppets Mammy (Mar 7, 2011)

I'm 27 and DH is 31, we've recently adopted a 2yr old LO. Age was never an issue with our VA or panel or the LA from which our LO came. I would of been 25yrs old when we first started enquiring with LA's and VA's - not one of them made an issue about my age. I was 26yrs old during HS and now I am a Mammy at 27yrs old  

Hope that's reassuring for you xx


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## Awright10 (Mar 8, 2013)

Yes that had definitely reassured me ladies thankyoy so much!
Next steps are calling the VA back Monday and go in for a chat to decide 100% then of they are happy with us as well we can apply beginning of August.. Super exciting x


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I'm 28 and DH has just turned 34 we were 27 and 33 when we first inquired. I am a big believer that age is a number in some ways more years means more life experience and knowledge. However I believe life experience is about your experiences and how you respond and learn from them not your age. I have met some older people I feel are very wise and can learn a lot from however I have also met 20 year olds that can teach me a lot and incredibly naive and sheltered people in their 50's and 60's. 

I see our age as a positive - more potential years to spend with Lo's  . I feel we have a lot of knowledge and experience to offer which means we are ready for this journey. Good luck hope it goes really well bottom line if an agency doesn't like your age their loss find one who see's that as their gain. Easier said than done I know it's terrifying to put yourself out there are feel judged but it will be worth it for us all in the long term x x x x x


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## HannahLou (May 22, 2011)

I'm 24, 23 when started the process, just moved in a 6 week old


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

Hi, 
Hope you don't mind me popping by. I am new to the site and was drawn to this thread.
I am 28 and Dh is 33. I was the youngest on our APT by a good few years, but turned out I was probably the one who had been through more than the others on the APT and certainly had more child experience (have been a nursery nurse for 11yrs and counting) My age hasn't come up as yet so fingers crossed it wont. When I was having IVF the age thing came up a lot at the start, but like adopting its not something you go into on a whim. I think they were more understanding when they realised I got married at 21.


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

I was 26 (dh was 34) when we first applied,  28 when we got approved as adopters and my 29th b'day when matching panel occurred for our lo who has now been home 8mths and was made legally ours 2mths ago.


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