# Mother's Day in the UK



## Pegaroo (Oct 10, 2013)

Hello 

A quick hug to those of you without children who will be surrounded by Mother's Day nonsense this Sunday.

Such a tricky day to traverse...brave faces all round. 

This year all the mums in my family are having a spa day ....this is every female family member over the age of 26. I have been trying and failing to have a baby for so long that people have forgotten. I am a nothing, I don't count in this family of mothers and children and celebration.

Still it's only a day, I have saved a big pile of washing and ironing which should pass the time. 🐢


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## JippyBoo (Mar 8, 2015)

Hi,

I'm a new member and this is the first time I've posted but I just wanted to send you a hug and give you some support.

I totally know how you feel, we've been tic for 15 years and have recently had our first ICSI fail, so I too feel like a complete failure.

I am soon not looking forward to Sunday as I really thought I might be on my way to being a mother this year  

Anyway, I just wanted to send you a hug!

Jippyboo


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

Hi Pegaroo
So sorry to hear how low you're feeling. I can totally empathise with how you feel - these 'special' days are heartbreaking if you're not in that group. I always felt that way. Being single as well, I feel the same about Valentine's Day! It's like rubbing it in big time. Just to say - you are not a failure, you do count! You've just been unlucky. Keep saying to your self how special you are and you don't need to be a mum to be special!
There is always hope - I never thought I'd be a mum, especially not having a man in my life. So I decided to go for it alone - had 3 rounds of DE IVF - and got my gorgeous 8 month old son! It's my first Mother's Day ever, so not sure how to celebrate it! 
I so hope that you get to celebrate a Mother's Day. Good luck and spoil yourself on Sunday rather than doing the washing!
Deb


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## chooshoos (Dec 18, 2014)

Peg,
You are ABSOLUTELY NOT a failure - but I empathise with the frustration that makes you feel that way sometimes. 

I say screw the washing and ironing!! And recommend the "chooshoos protocol" - massive bubble bath with that 'special' stuff you got as a pressie you've been saving, put on the clothes that make you look and feel fab, go out watch a movie that anyone with a kid couldn't get in to, shop, eat something wonderfully indulgent, pick up a bottle of bubbly on your way home crack it open and pour a big fat glass with your favourite feel good music turned up too loud and dance 

They may be all zen'd but you'll be rock n roll 

Happy soon to be the most awesome kick ass mother day
xxx


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## Pegaroo (Oct 10, 2013)

Thank you for lovely messages. I was being a bit of a sad sack yesterday.

I shall have my own spa day away from my silly old family , will have no more than half an hour of self pity tomorrow...will still do the ironing pile as it is bugging me now ☺


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## andade (Oct 29, 2012)

Hi Peg 
Sending you lots of   .

Please don't see yourself as a failure. You are not!
We are all special! We want a child so much that we are willing to go through all sorts of hoops, obstacles, heartache and ops to have one. You are strong, as you pick yourself up and kerp going.  Many mum's will not have gone through half the stress that women on FF have gone through and just because they have avoided this journey to have a baby, it doesn't make them more special than you!
I totally understand why you might feel that way, as society makes us feel that if we haven't had children by a certain age than you must be abnormal or there is some suspicion about you.  In my family, my siblings, nearly all my cousins and young nieces old enough to have children and everyone I have grown up with have children and I also work with children,  so it can be pretty hard.  

I  will not make myself feel inadequate tomorrow.  I know how much I  have contributed to the children in my family and the children who I work with and I will feel some sadness that I do not have a lo to give me a card but I  will sod  my healthy eating and go out with my mum and sister and celebrate being women together. I think I am a fantastic Aunty,  (if I do say so myself!  )it will be my Happy Aunty Day and Happy Future Mothers Day! (I'm still in the running!) 
My sister always sends me little verses on Mothers Day and Valentine's.  She had a number of MCs before and after having her son. I think it's terrible that you have been excluded from the Spa day.
So make your day special by doing things that you love to do. I love Choos protocol!  It's a good place to start. 
Thinking of you!


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## kazzzee (Jul 29, 2014)

It's hard enough that I lost my mum a few years ago... Tomorrow is a day to stay away from those ******** posts of friends with kids too. And all those marketing emails you get at this time of year - not everyone has a mum or is a mum.


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## Bax (Feb 25, 2015)

I'm feeling it a bit this year too - this time last year I was pregnant, but sadly it was not to be.  I'm sure as an only child I'll be expected to do something with my own mother but I dont really want to spend any time with her at all.  She went missing for a month when I miscarried, and then she announced that I should think about using her as a surrogate, on the basis that 'she knows her womb works'.  What a kick in the teeth - I'm quite aware her womb worked when she carried me FORTY THREE YEARS AGO and that mine has shown itself to be woefully inadequate...

That said, this year I'm very grateful to the pupo and maybe I'll hide away at home and rub my (bloated) tummy  

Sorry for the 'me' post...


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## Pegaroo (Oct 10, 2013)

Feeling your pain Bax...I miscarried on Mother's Day last year. 

m/c anniversaries are always tough but probably a bit more so when they are so obvious in the calendar.

I guess we must all keep our 'chins up ' and 'plough on'.


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## Egg1234 (May 31, 2013)

I just wanted to say to everyone on here I've been thinking of you today. Mother's day can be so in your face (a bit like valentine's) and I am sure it has been hard for many on here today.

Even though I have my miracle baby (after a very long time), some of the things said today still make me angry and upset. I am still an infertile woman and it was not my fault and not my choice. 

My observation is that many who don't have children can be mother figures (and similarly many who have kids can be anything but motherly - no justice in the world it seems). There are so many people on here who have selflessly helped me after miscarriages and when I've been low - and have been honestly more supportive than my own Mum (much as I love her!). That compassion and generosity deserves to be celebrated as much as everyone else. I say stuff these stupid days, they just raise unrealistic expectations & are for the profit of cynical marketers. 

Hugs to all  

Also Bax - can't BELIEVE your mother said that to you. How truly horrible.


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## Bax (Feb 25, 2015)

Thanks Egg1234 - she's truly  

Pegaroo - just    . I hope today wasn't as difficult as you would be prepared for x


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## chooshoos (Dec 18, 2014)

While certain days and times are undoubtedly difficult for each of us, I find comfort to focus on what I have not what I don't have there is so much to be grateful for...it's a cliche but to think every day of 3 things really helps me focus on the positive 

Today:

- I have a clean fridge and probably burned off 50 or 60 calories doing it, that's a glass of wine right?

- I discovered LOST, ok so I'm a decade behind but this will make waiting fly by

- FF ladies who make me laugh, think everyday 

X


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## Val74 (Jan 3, 2015)

to you Pegaroo and all you other wonderful ladies.  Only we can truly feel the heartache that a day like this can bring; the rest of society are, generally, blissfully unaware.  Guess I was too many moons ago when I had no idea that I would struggle so hard to have a child.  Temporarily deactivated my ******** today after having a cousin, who is fully aware of my situation, tag away 4D baby scans.  Wonderful for them I know but I really could do without that being rammed down my throat today of all days! Ignorance is bliss though that's what they say, and for the most part the general population are ignorant to our plight.  It's a shame we can't share photographs in our posts, there are some fantastic sarcastic and ironic eecards out there that would at least give us a wry smile!   Pegaroo can't believe your family exclude you like that, so thoughtless of them    Love to us all xxx


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## Pegaroo (Oct 10, 2013)

Hurrah, I made it through the day and it was OK !

I have the cleanest house, the most ironed clothes and a batch of strange looking but very tasty croissants! Now looking forward to Poldark on TV at nine.

Phoned my mum this morning to wish her a happy day , she had her house full of people about to go on there mothers spa day....very sheepish mum on the phone, apparently they had meant to invite me along but didn't....I'm still a bit miffed about spa day as I have looked after my niece for 2 days and overnight every week since she was born and support my parents financially with the cost of raising my teenage niece (£200 a month which is quite a lot for me), I would have thought that this might have earned me an invitation....vent over brave face on!!

Hope everyone else who felt the day might be tricky have had the best possible day.


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## Egg1234 (May 31, 2013)

Pegaroo - pretty awful they "forgot" to invite you   Hope a proper apology is forthcoming. Some children have lots of 'mums' really (be they aunts, grandparents, foster mums, godparents, friends of the family, teachers etc) and it sounds like your niece is very lucky to have you as one. What you are doing for her sounds amazing. Glad you had an ok day


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