# Telling your employer about IVF (especially as a teacher)??



## Lucina (Sep 9, 2012)

Hello ladies

I am just about to have my first IVF at Christmas in Denmark. If it doesn't work I will continue every two months. I return to primary school teaching in January (after a five year break as an educational writer) and am worried about the disruption caused by fluctuating emotions and time off needed to fly abroad for egg collection/transfer.  

At the moment, my new employer knows nothing about my quest to conceive and I don't know whether to tell or not. I's hate to lie and call in sick during term time, so would rather tell the school up front and state that I will need to take that time off (albeit as unpaid leave). This is less disruptive, as a supply teacher can be organised in advance, but I fear the school's reaction. Not sure whether one could be (unfairly?) dismissed for this reason.

Are there any teachers out there who have told their schools? What was the response? Is it worth speaking to the borough's HR department to get advice? Or is it better to say nothing and be 'sick' a lot?

Thank you,
L


----------



## DaisyMaisy (Jan 9, 2011)

Hi.

I am a teacher too. I kept 5 of my ivf s secret by organising in holidays. However the 6 th one was in the us so needed time off. I opted for honesty is the best policy. However my head was not great. He made me write to the governors asking for time off. i did this, but then had a letter stating that if I choose to have tx again, they would appriciate it if I did it in the holidays! As if ivf is a choice. 

My head is not very nice. He's very unsupportive. I doubt all heads are like this. I have another friend who's a teacher and her head is very understanding, letting her have time off for tx without a problem.

Good luck in your cycle.

Xxxx


----------



## Lucina (Sep 9, 2012)

Thank you, Daisy. I'm so sorry that your head is so unsupportive. IVF should be looked upon like a serious medical condition for which treatment is necessary. 

I'm praying that my right time falls during holidays. I know one can regulate somewhat with the contraceptive pill but I'm a little wary of this. I might have one cycle calling in sick and then let them know if more time off is needed. It's such a tricky one!


----------



## katehe (Mar 27, 2011)

Hi 
I had 2 ivfs this year and I was honest from the start as needed time off for the initial consultations. I scheduled the second one in the summer hols but first one did impact on term time due to the initial scans although it was end of term.
I am glad I was honest as I ended up needing 2 weeks off in sept as I was distraught when I heard that we shouldn't try again.
School were reasonably supportive but if I'm honest I think I would have been pushing it if I had needed a third treatment.
Kate x


----------



## Lucina (Sep 9, 2012)

Hi Kate

Thank you. I would much prefer to be honest about it. I'm sorry to hear about your upsetting news and wish you happiness whatever happens in the future.

L x


----------



## Gully123 (Oct 29, 2012)

Hi there. First of all, congratulations on starting treatment. I wish you all the best.
I don't work as a teacher, but I do hold a senior management position in a demanding industry. I consulted HR on my rights, expecting them to tell me honesty is the best policy. But to my surprise, they said since IVF is so intimate and the process *can* go on for a while, the best thing to do is not to tell your employer. I was advised to say I had a medical condition and required time off. When my superiors did probe and as "what on earth have you got?" I simply said, "thanks very much for your concern but it's private and I'd really rather not discuss it. I'm managing, but I do need this but of time off."

For me, personally, I'm really glad I didn't tell work about IVF because my well-meaning but nosey colleagues and superiors ask all sorts of invasive questions. And the IVF meds made me tired and a bit on edge, so I'm glad I didn't have people asking "how's it going" did it work yet?"

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best.
G


----------



## Lucina (Sep 9, 2012)

Thank you, Gullabbo. Sorry for the delay in my reply - I've been keeping clear of the forum while I went through the actual IVF and am now in my two week wait. 

I think that is very good advice. I was thinking of saying that I've had an operation over the Christmas period and need to take things a little easy. Even if I get a positive result, I'll probably still hold off saying anything for a few weeks, until I'm more certain that everything is fine.


----------



## JuliHiffins (Dec 28, 2012)

I live in the USA so our laws our different. Most states are "at will" employment and you can be dismissed for any reason unless its based on discrimination (religion, gender, race). So yes, at least here, an employer could dismiss someone for taking time off for IVF treatment.  I did once discuss my need for time off with an employer, this was several years ago; and she pretended to be sympathetic, but eventually resented that I took off a couple of days. Later on I was terminated from my job and believe this was mostly the reason. I think she felt IVF was not a reason to miss work. She had 3 children of her own, easily with never any fertility issues. She could not sympathize, and she also probably felt I might get pregnant and miss even more work.  Almost no one who worked there had kids, and I believe they wanted to keep it that way.  I would just LIE and say you have a family problem going on that needs taking care of.


----------



## Lucina (Sep 9, 2012)

Thank you, Juli. How awful that you didn't receive empathy at a time you really needed it! My last work place were aware of what was going on and, although I handed my notice in before they could get rid of me, they were making my life there hellish. Just worried about it happening again as I need the money for the IVF treatment. With teaching, one has to be focused and on the ball all the time so it will be difficult to try to shut the emotions out and get on with things (particularly if I get a negative result next week).


----------



## DaisyMaisy (Jan 9, 2011)

Could you not go to your dr and ask to be signed off sick?
They could just put something general, and then your head would not know anything. 
Xx


----------



## DaisyMaisy (Jan 9, 2011)

Forgot to say, good luck for the 2ww. 

Xxxx


----------



## Lucina (Sep 9, 2012)

Thank you, Daisy. I will resort to that if needs be but don't want to do it until absolutely necessary and after I've proven myself a reliable employee for at least a couple of months. If this IVF treatment doesn't work, I'll try again in March or April and then in July/August. Once I'm into the summer I have time off anyway but hope to be pregnant before then.


----------



## DaisyMaisy (Jan 9, 2011)

Wishing you lots of luck.

I'm hoping that your head will be very supportive as its such a nightmare when they're not. 

Xx


----------



## Lucina (Sep 9, 2012)

Understanding towards those undergoing IVF should be written into employment law.


----------

