# My Marriage is Over



## owenl (Mar 29, 2009)

Well after 2 failed IVF attempts and the 3rd and final try ending in early miscarriage in May 10, my DH has been struggling to communicate with me and has withdrawn further.  I have greived the loss of the baby, discussed with DH that having kids isn't all I want in life but a happy relationship with DH is essential if marriage is to survive.  Unfortunately over the years but particularly since IVF, we have no longer any shared interests (we used to enjoy walking, going to the movies, pubs, meals out etc) but DH no longer wants to walk and can't be bothered taking me out anywhere socially.  He has stopped communicating, has no sex-drive (it has always been low) and does not praise or appreciate me and gives grunting answers if at all.  I have asked him to compromise and make more of an effort with intimacy and find a hobby we can do together.  We also discussed couple counselling (I have been getting counselling to help me through the infertility which he wouldn't come along to) but things came to a head today when I was advised by my counsellor to write down my feelings and pass them to him as he won't discuss with me face-to-face.  I did this and he basically then said we may as well get divorced as I have made my mind up.  I said I had but was prepared to give things another go if he could make more of an effort with the intimacy and social side of things but he wasn't prepared to try.  So that's it, scary though it is at 38 I am not only childless but now facing divorce.  On a postive note I'm not the infertile one, so if I was lucky enough to meet someone else I could still have a baby but that is the last thing I want at the moment now, I'm devastated and totally rejected that DH didn't want to make more of a go of things and know that our relationship has been very bad over the last year or so but the thought of having to go through a divorce then share a house together until it sells not to mention the financial problems of living alone and whether I'm going to be able to keep my dog who I love like a baby and couldn't live without is driving me to insanity and the anger and frustration that I have to go on living with is having a large impact on my life.   It's been such a tough year and now this just when I thought I was coming to terms with things


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## Angharad (Aug 20, 2006)

Hi

I could not read this and run, I really feel for you right now and don't have any advise as such so sending you lots of love and hugs.

My 4th and most likely last fresh cycle failed this week, and I also understand how difficult and strained our marriages can become.

Take Care of yourself.

Ang x


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## alexine (Jun 8, 2010)

Take care Owenl, really tough times for you!  
Being with an emotionally unavailable man is a very difficult situation and unless they are willing to take a look at things and meet you halfway it is very very difficult to move forward! Trust me I have been there! 
If you really want to have a baby you can with or without a DH. I hope this message doesn't come across as disrespectful or presumptuous. 
Sending you lots of     
xA


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## Flow13 (Jul 22, 2009)

I am so sorry. 

Take care. xxx


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## mango2512 (Apr 29, 2009)

Take care, sending     xx


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## karenann (May 22, 2010)

Hi
I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time and am sending you hugs  
As if going through the pain of infertility isn't enough the prospect of your marriage ending is really difficult to cope with.  I can relate to some of what you have said as my relationship with my dh has been stressful since accepting that we will not have children. I really feel for you at this time and hope that you can work this out with your dh if that is what you want. I wish I had helpful advice but unfortunately I don't - I find it hard myself to get my dh to communicate and notice me as a person - he certainly won't go to any counselling with me either so it is hard. Hang in there I will be thinking of you 
                                                                Take Care
                                                                              karenann


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## Debs (Mar 22, 2002)

Big hugs owenl    

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you hun - do you think you might be able to get him to talk about this some more to you?  In a way you will both need to talk as you have to decide on the future and what happens and when etc - so this may actually make him realise that this is for real and make him face his feelings and thoughts.

we are all here for you hun - if theres anything we can help with then just shout.

Sending you lots of love and strength.

Debs xxxx


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