# First or second cycle fail support thread



## Joyb123 (Jan 29, 2018)

Hi everyone,

Couldn't find a support thread relating to this so figured I'd start one and support each other.  

I've just had my first ever big fat negative. I am so heartbroken and really not coping with it well.  Even though I thought I had mentally prepared for it as I know ivf/icsi is not guaranteed, I maybe deep down thought it would work for me, given the reasons why I am having icsi in the first place. 

Also, following my BFN I had to phone the clinic to tell them the result, whilst crying on the phone.  And the nurse I spoke to had awful bedside manner.  She wasn't very supportive at all and aired on the side of caution saying things like "well it's only every 50/50 that it works" "You never know there could be something wrong with your husbands sperm, to which you will never know" (Shocking thing to say), and "you know you have to pay for this next cycle" (er yes but again, harsh). "It's not always guaranteed second time around either" (wow kick me while I'm down).  

In my fragile and delicate little state and being completely and utterly alone, all I wanted was a little bit of sugar coating.  To tell me, this is completely normal, not to lose hope, I have a good chance of it working still, tons of women conceive on 2nd or 3rd attempts etc etc.  Just a little bit of fluff would have been nice.  Instead I came off the phone in a worse state than when I called, thinking that this might never happen for us/me. 

I'm in the NHS and I can't complain about the overall service, just that horrible insensitive nurse. So I'm now back in the system and long waiting lists.  Will next be seen in June to try again.  Seems ages away when I built myself up for giving birth this year. Just can't stop crying. 

ANYWAY, that's enough about me.  Feel free to share you stories here and say hello. (And feel free to give me some sugar coating!!!) 

Much love,
Joy xxx


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## Artypants (Jan 6, 2012)

Hi Joy

Oh my goodness you poor thing, what a dreadful thing to say and a terrible way in general to speak to anyone having just got a BFN, let alone someone in your circumstances. I feel awful for you    

I would sleep on it, have a blimmin good cry and then write and complain about this experience, she shouldn't be allowed to pick up the phone to anyone and needs a good bit of training at the very least,

I'm sorry for your loss and I am sorry for your BFN, be gentle on yourself xxx


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## Pognut (Apr 8, 2012)

Good grief!! What a stupid - and wrong - thing to say to someone. That flies in the face of the advice a nurse gave me, which was that you should see IVF as a process and that every cycle is *part* of the process but that the process is likely to require a few cycles. I thought that was pretty much accepted, so God only knows what that nurse was thinking. There are LOADS of people who take a few cycles to get a BFP, probably the majority, I'd have thought.

A BFN is just horrible, and you've been through something terrible too - I hope you have good people around you supporting you (and telling you that that nurse was a bloody idiot!). This is just one step on the road, it's not even remotely over yet, just beginning. xx


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## Joyb123 (Jan 29, 2018)

Oh thank you so much for these replies. 😊

Artpants - thank you for your lovely words and supportive hugs. Much needed! Yeah I’m not sure I can write a complaint as I feel bad complaining to the unit when overall I’ve been treated well. But I’d hate to think of this happening to someone else. And I think she was the senior nurse that did my transfer too. 🙄

Pognut - thank you for your lovely words too. You are so right about this being a process and that one cycle is a part of it. The bigger picture. I suppose I would have been very lucky for it to work first time. I naively thought it would. 

I feel a little uplifted from your comments. Thank you so much. It’s scary how damaging that nurses comments could be in such a vulnerable state. 

Onwards and upwards..... and waiting for this period to eventually start which is going to feel horrendous and like I’m misscarrying our baby. 😢💔

xxx


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## Artypants (Jan 6, 2012)

You are very restrained, she sounds terrible, I guess you just have to bite your lip and carry on, its a shame that people like that even go into these types of job, it shouldn't take an ounce of effort to show a bit of compassion.

I really hope the next time is the one for you xx


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## IceAndFire (Feb 3, 2018)

Thank you Joy for making this thread. Im sorry to hear about your experience with the nurse. That kind of attitude is quite common in public service in my experience at least. Some people can have a bad day some of them are this way and some other can be desensitized after working for a long time and dealing with certain things. But these are not exexcuses and especially people who work in such a difficult and emotionally draining environment should be professional. If you have been mistreated you should complain because this is probably not the first time when someone did it. If there are no complaints then there is no chance for correcting the behavior. I personally don't care if my doctor is nice or not I just want from him to be competent and successful in what he does. I do have a different standards regarding nurses. They have a difficult job, most likely the pay is not good, they are understaffed, overworked and they are on the first line with dealing with the customers but they should be professional and trained to approach patients in certain manner. Let's not forget that you are not only a patient but you are also a customer. If it's a public clinic then you are forced to pay for it and if it's private you choose to pay but in both cases you pay. Ask as many questions as you can, if you want to complain then do it. Complain on the spot or just send them an email. It's good to have it written. People are usually more cautious when the answer "on paper".


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## Joyb123 (Jan 29, 2018)

Hi Aliceiceland,

Thank you so much for your comments.... I’m sorry your cycle didn’t work out either. I remember you from the 2WW thread. Hope you’re doing ok? 

Yeah I’m not sure about complaining, just incase they find out it’s me and if it effects my treatment going forwards. I know that sounds far fetched but I just don’t want to rock the boat. 

The good news is that I rang up today and spoke to a much more helpful person who was very sensitive and professional. Thankfully they’ve had a cancellation and I can get seen sooner than I thought. Just eager to get going again now. 

Hope everyone is doing okay? Any tips for cycle 2?.....

Xxx


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## IceAndFire (Feb 3, 2018)

I also have good news 🙂 I got an email from my doctor and he said I can have next transfer on the end of February. It will be my second attempt with FET. Maybe it will work maybe not we just never know. I plan to continue eating healthy, I will focus on trying to improve my lining and I will add some exercises. I will do some meditation more often to help me relax. Not sure if I will do anything different than last time. We are also getting ready for repeating the whole cycle again (if the next two FET will not work) so my husband will try to improve his spearm. He is diagnosed with obstructive azoospermia and our only hope is ICSI. We plan to go to endocrinologist to get pills for his thyroid again and we will book appointment with urologist to see if there is a chance for surgery. We didn't check this path yet because straight from the beginning we were directed to IVF. We will see 🙂 When you can start again Joy?


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## Joyb123 (Jan 29, 2018)

That’s great news Alice. So good that you can transfer soon and I really admire your positive attitude! Good for you. 

I have consent signing end of March so I’d be looking at starting whole cycle from scratch on April’s period. Hoping that’s enough time to give my body a break, but will only be 3 periods.... do you reckon that’s ok? Although period still hasn’t properly turned up yet following this failed cycle. 

I think I’ll try and be a bit more relaxed this time and also continue with the healthy eating but perhaps not obsess about it as much as I was doing this time. 

Xx


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## IceAndFire (Feb 3, 2018)

It's good to have a break between the new cycles. At least this is recommended by my clinic. Even though the waiting time seems like forever. My friend had very poor response the first time. She was on high doses of medication during her first try. High doses and prolonged time of the treatment. She was able to produce two follicles and the clinic had to cancel the EC. She had IUI but it didn't work. Two or three periods later she had another treatment. Different medications, still high doses,normal length of the protocol. She had 40+ follicles, 29 eggs, 14 fertilized and 9 reached blastocyst and went to freeze. She had FET just week after me currently waiting for OTD (Tuesday). We just never know. I think clinics try their best to adjust the treatment so it will work. Good success rates mean more customers. There is only one fertility clinic in Iceland and it's private and for now I'm stuck here. Btw. I think the progesterone vaginal tablets really work. My periods are usually very short, not very painful with low flow but this time there was more cramps and there is more blood plus it takes longer. It's a good news 🙂 Did you get your period already?


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## Joyb123 (Jan 29, 2018)

Thanks Alice for sharing what happened with your friend. That’s good that she had a better outcome on the second round. Fingers crossed for her. For me I was told that I had a good number of eggs and that not too many and not too few, as it’s quality over quantity. But I guess it really is pot luck of it progresses and then sticking. I have a feeling  mine just never progressed on from two days. 

Yes my period has started now. Seems heavier than normal. 😥 xxx


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## IceAndFire (Feb 3, 2018)

Im kind of nervous about tomorrow. My friend from work has OTD tomorrow and as much I want her to be pregnant I just really hoped that it will work for both of us.  I already have two girls pregnant at work. It's a tough one. I'm mostly afraid about my reaction. I guess I just have to focus on another transfer. Call me crazy but I bought some pomegranate and pineapple. If it will help great. If not, well it's still pretty healthy   I bought also some rooibos tea since drinking grean teas is not recommended. My husband also got 3 used strollers from his boss. It's insane   where is the baby?


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## Joyb123 (Jan 29, 2018)

Hey,

Was it your FET tomorrow or your OTD? Wishing you sooooo much luck. Xx


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## IceAndFire (Feb 3, 2018)

Hi Joy. I changed my nick 🙂 It was before AliceIceland. My friend has OTD tomorrow.


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## Joyb123 (Jan 29, 2018)

Ah, I see!!! 

Oh good luck to your friend. That’s nice that you’re supporting her. It’s hard being around pregnant people. I feel like a walking weeping womb! 

And it’s  not crazy to eat pineapple and drink that tea at all. All very sensible! Although I avoided pineapple as I read a horror story about it relating to ivf. Some said eat it some said yes but not fresh. 

I’ve been driving myself crazy googling and stressing what the hell went wrong with my cycle. To try and find a solution for next time. But I’m starting to think that maybe there is no logical reason and sometimes they just don’t bloody stay. xx


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## IceAndFire (Feb 3, 2018)

I wish to believe that we can't do anything to hurt the process but in the same time I would like to believe that there is something we can do to help it. But to think that the embryos don't stick because there is something wrong with them makes me anxious about the outcome. At the back of my head I wonder if it will ever work for me. This whole journey seems like a waves of hopes and doubts.


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## IceAndFire (Feb 3, 2018)

Hi lexie26, sorry for the late response. Today I got my second FET (my first was few weeks ago =BFN) I never even had a chance to get my fresh transfer but there is nothing I can do about it. When it comes to other people's reactions you just never know what you will get. People will never really understand infertility until it will happen to them directly. Some people don't understand it, some only pretend that they care etc. I still hope that you have someone close to you who is supporting you. It's tough on its own, you don't need some people telling you what you should feel. My husband and I told many people about our problem. Not to get some extra support or to whine about it but mostly to help others who might struggle also with infertility and suffer in silence. You can feel what you want and do what you want. Being positive could make the process more easy on you but it will not have an impact on the outcome. I think it's just a life lottery. What helps me to keep on plowing? I like action. I organize another step and get ready for it. I don't get angry at other pregnant women but I do get sad sometimes. If I see a pregnant woman that I don't know I try to think about the baby not about the situation. I'm happy for her that she is carrying life. Maybe she is one of those who had 5 miscarriages and plenty of BFN and now finally her dreams came true. I don't want other women to be angry or upset when I will be pregnant. We never know other people's paths. There is also one thing that I've read on this forum - that many of us feel like victims because we can't get what we want (life is unfair etc.) and instead of that we should be grateful that thanks to modern medicine we can get help and many of us can get pregnant. My doctor said that they are able to help 3 couples out of 4. We can be the lucky ones or not. Nothing is guaranteed. I also found this  'If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain.' That's a good one🙂 Don't get me wrong. I do get sad sometimes. I have two pregnant girls at work (unplanned pregnancies) plus one that had her first transfer week after mine. She was lucky to get pregnant on the first try plus she still has 8 blastocysts in the freezer. Of course I'm happy for her but I really hoped it will work for both of us. It would perfect but very unrealistic. When I have a bad day I do some guided meditation from YouTube. It helps to relax and lowers my anxiety.


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## IceAndFire (Feb 3, 2018)

I don't think you are an evil person because I don't know you   I might misunderstand you. What is your partner saying about the whole situation?


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## Fearless (Dec 29, 2017)

Joyb123 - I am soooooo sorry to hear about your failed cycle. It’s hard not to get your hopes high even if it is round one. 

That bloody nurse would have sent me over the edge!!! That’s awful!

Thanks for setting up this group - really needed. 

Hope your doing ok and have things planned in to keep you going till your next appt. 

Ps I’ve heard 3 cycles break is usually right Xx

Pognut - hi I really like that explanation re Ivf being a process and each cycle being part of that  


AFM - my first fresh cycle failed, so upsetting. I have one embryo that was a blasto so next cycle will be a FET. 


Worried about whether one embie will survive thawing period and if not the impact that may have on me. I will have a follow up mid April and hopefully start on my 3rd period following this failed cycle. 

I will defo try chase up to see if there are any cancellations before hand just for the follow up.

Any one else experiencing an extremely heavy period since cycle has failed? And I feel soooo tired!!!


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## Natsel (Jun 16, 2016)

Hi all.

I'm currently waiting for my second fresh icsi ivf cycle. My treatment plan starts next month. 
I've got one fresh and one failed ivf behind me so this is third time lucky. 

There's one question I need help with I've looked on the Internet and can't seem to find an answer. 

I drink green tea not loads but I do have a cup a day. 
I take coq10 ubiquinol and pregnacare.
Do you know if this will interact with the vitamins. 

I won't be drinking it anymore to be on the safe side.


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## Fearless (Dec 29, 2017)

Not sure of the reasons but I have read green tea is a no no when pregnant and when ttc


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## IceAndFire (Feb 3, 2018)

Green tea has caffeine. I love green tea but I decided to start drinking rooibos tea instead. It suppose to be safe to drink.


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## PoppyP (Jan 3, 2018)

Hello,

Just looking for some advice, I got a BFN today   and only had 2 eggs collected,
Which were used. I think I will need to start a fresh cycle. How long would I need to wait
To go through stimming again with ARGC?


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## MollyJ81 (Jan 8, 2018)

Hi all 
Thanks Joy for setting up this group. 

So I unexpectedly started bleeding 7 days after a 5 day transfer. Was absolutely gutted as expected. I had a blood test 11 days after the transfer so had been bleeding quite badly for some time and my HCG was still 3 so they think it had implanted but then stopped. I feel I could have told them that though as I felt awful for about 5 days - dizzy spells and a bit nauseous. 
But I now have a big decision. I have a frozen transfer as part of my NHS funding and we were very lucky to be able to freeze 4 embryos which is great. My clinic will let me start the frozen transfer next cycle so I would begin down reg on day 21 which is around The second week of April. I presume I would be looking to implant in May then? So about 4 weeks from day 21? My big concern is my job as a teacher means that May is the worst time of year war. I teach GCsE and A level classes who all have their exams in May and the first week of June. I’m head of department so May is always the worst month for me. I know babies are still conceived in stressful times but I’m worried that the stress I feel in May will affect an implant. Therefore do I wait an extra month so the implant would be at the beginning of June when I’m practically stress free? Is stress a negative factor? I can’t find much literature on this? 

Also I know some clinics advise a 3 month break. Why is this? Should I wait a bit longer from a medical viewpoint also? 

Any advice greatly received! I’m going to ask my clinic these questions also just wondered what you guys thought!


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## Faith6:12 (Feb 7, 2017)

Hi Molly,

I'm a teacher too. Just noticed your post-unsure if you'll see this so will PM you also. 

We have just gone through a failed cycle (number 2) and are looking to get back into it as soon as we can. My students have a written exam the middle of May and so I'll try and work it around this, but with a frozen cycle it isn't as invasive/ time consuming so might just go for it. As long as we are in for the year 11s/ 6th form when we can be/ arranging appointments around their lessons then I don't think it looks too bad. You've probably found out by now, but the appointments will be less as it'll just be a scan of the lining this time. 

My transfer this time fell at the start of the Easter holidays and I couldn't have felt more relaxed- we had a top grade, day 5 embryo transferred and all was looking great, until I started bleeding on day 9. Makes me think that next time I may as well be in school   hard to know what is best to do isn't it. 

Hope you are well


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## teppar (Mar 1, 2018)

Ladies just had my first IVF cycle and it failed. I'm 41 and single so doing this with donor sperm. I just found out today so not sure when my period is going to start. Does anyone know of tests or other diagnostics we can undergo to help figure out what went wrong? I had a good embryo and my lining was thick and triple lined so everything should have worked (other than my age and I'm overweight). I don't have any frozen embryos so will do another fresh cycle. How long does your clinic tell you to wait? Do they count the bleed that starts after the failed cycle as one period or is that just failed bleed and the next one is the normal period and you start after that? I'm a bit unsure and would appreciate other's thoughts or what your docs are telling you.


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## Kiss (Oct 23, 2017)

Hey Teppar I am similar to you and back to the clinic tomorrow to find out these answers. It's been four weeks since I had a failed cycle and they told me they wait three months before another go. I am waiting for my first af to start after the failed cycle. It should be today or tomorrow I think. I feel as crappy as I normally do around af so must nearly be here! Will let you know if I find out more tomorrow. X


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## Kiss (Oct 23, 2017)

Update they rearranged my appointment it's now another two weeks away. So will be six weeks until I get to talk to the clinic about the failed cycle. Sorry I can't update any more right now. Xx


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## carina_sean (Jul 13, 2018)

Hello ladies. I'm so sorry to hear about all your failed cycles. I know how you feel and want to send you all massive hugs xx
I just failed my third round two days ago. I'm devastated and exhausted for the third time but now with no embies left I guess this time I am to take a longer break, otherwise I won't cope with another 2ww. 
I am 41, my partner 46. We've been trying for 5 years in total. We even considered adoption but we are not allowed. I'm afraid my age is an obstacle I can't overcome.


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## Prinzilla (Apr 20, 2017)

Hi Everyone,

Hope you don't mind me jumping in, I'm just wondering if anyone could give me any advice?

So my DP was diagnosed with NOA last year, we did a synchronised cycle in June as he had an mTESE to try and retrieve sperm but that wasn't successful. At the time of what should have been egg retrieval I had 8 mature follicles and several smaller ones. Obviously egg retrieval didn't go ahead at that time so AF came about 13 days later.

I'm now on day 36 of this cycle and although I had some minor cramps and bloating last week there's no sign of AF. Is this normal after an abandoned cycle or do I need to ask for someone to  check everything's ok?

Thanks xx


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

carina_sean - I am sorry yr cycles failed. Do you know the reason? If egg quality is the matter, have you considered IVF DE? If implantation is the issue, have you thought on IVF PGS NGS? I am not an expert at all, but there are a few options that might work out for you. I would recommend reading Q&As for the webinar IVF-s failed, what next on eggdonationfriends site, that might give you an idea on further treatment. Keep my fingers crossed. xx


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