# new job and ivf



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi ladies I'm just wandering if you have any advice for me. I've recelty started a new job and hoping to have ivf this year if we can get a loan. My partner works full time shifts. My question is can I have ivf appointments around work hours? Is it ok to work through ivf? If successful can I work through the pregnancy? I know they sound like silly questions   after my operations I felt so low I didn't go back work so always relied on my partner but I felt a lot better in myself and pushed to get this job and feel so much better. I want a baby so much but don't want to mention it at work just yet in casei can't get the loan this year. This jobs given me more confidence. What did you guys do? I know I should mention it to my boss but feel it's too soon and might not want me working there knowing I could come out and have a lot of time off please advise me thanks ladies x


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## Bela (Mar 26, 2014)

From my experience I can tell you it's doable, not the easiest but doable. I've started new job just before stimms, luckily had a training week first and then a week off. I didn't say anything to my boss, you don't have to unless you feel it can benefit you somehow. If you can arrange scan appointments for time just before you start your work or after, then you won't need to take whole day off. Usually there are 2-4 scans before egg collection, probably at your clinic you can arrange for Sat and Sun. During injections (ard 10 - 14 days) I believe its manageable to work but I will advise you to take time off for egg collection and embrio transfer. These can be stressful days and strenuous for your body. Good luck!


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## mross (Jul 10, 2012)

Hi tinkerbell,

I also had tubes removed etc and 3 operations in total before ivf, so had to take time off work for these.  My first round of ivf I told boss everything but worked there for 10 years, I actually got made redundant whilst doing ivf!  I did more cycles that didn't work then finaly decided to stop ivf and concentrate on career. I started my new job in feb last year, at the interview I was honest with them and explained Id taken a year out to concentrate on doing ivf, it hadn't wirked and now I wanted to be back in my career, I got the job, by July I was in the consultants office discussing round 4 of treatment lol.  I hid it from everyone, my boss came out with me for two days of appointments the day I started downregging and I was sniffing buserelin in the loo in between appointments and feeling awful!!! The ivf worked and we knew in Oct I was pregnant, I managed my ivf appointments around work and didn't need to tell anyone.  However you just never know how your going to be though, in November at 6 weeks I was in hospital with head to toe hives they think was serum sickness from the progestetone injections, so I had to call and tell boss I was pregnant etc......the hives disappeared and I was left with severe migraines and morning sickness that left me bedridden for most of the pregnancy, so although I started new career i. Feb, I was off sick November to March where I took my early maternity.  I'm still employed by same company and currently on maternity now.  

I guess my point is....you can't predict what's going to happen!!! You might have a easy ivf, easy oregnancy and nobody needs to know, or you might  be poorly and need time off.  Personally I preferred not telling them anything, I sneaked my appointments in between meetings and lunches and it was easier that way.  Good luck!! Xxx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thanks for the reply girls. I really hope I can work through ivf. I was planning on telling no one not even family when I do ivf because I just want people to carry on conversations as not.al I don't want everyone asking me how it's going because I'd feel more pressurised if that makes sense?  So if I can help it I dont want anyone to know but if I don't cope all that well with the off then obvit I'd need to tell work. I was just worried if I tell them now and it's a new job they might not want me there x


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thanks for your reply and congratulations on your pregnancy fab news! I'm also not the type to burst into tears in front of people I tend to do that behind closed doors. If I'd been working at the New place for a while I wouldn't mind telling the boss but as it will still be a relatively new job still if I do have ivf this year it might be too soon for them. I'm the type of person to hide my thoughts/feelings and anything that's going on apart from on here off course so wouldn't have a problem not telling anyone my situation. I've read I may need time of work for egg collection ext and I suppose I'll talk to my consultant about that. I just don't want to tell anyone and be the talk of the workplace or also put myself in a situation that's going to be harder or reduce my chances cause I'd never forgive myself. Silly question but can I just carry on as normal during ivf I mean obviously be more cautious but I'm the type to tip toe everywhere.....Just in case, every pain or niggle I'd run home....Just in case of all that makes sense x


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## Talkingfrog (Apr 17, 2014)

Hello Tinkerbell,

As others have said, whether you tell your boss or not will depend on what you feel comfortable with/ what your job involves and your circumstances. 

My first cycle was funded and the clinic was at the hospital.  It meant that my appointment times were given to me rather than having too much choice as to times.  I chose to tell my manager and he knew that I was ok with him telling the other two team managers and the section manager as it was easier for everyone. (I am fortunate to work with a good team and I knew that they could be trusted).  As far as he was concerned I could just claim my time back as a medical appointment and all I needed to do was let him know when I needed to be off.  Other than starting at some odd times after scans, others in the team had no idea that we were going through ivf. 

Second time round we decided that we didn't want others to know so we told our parents, but no-one else. As well as having the support of our parents, they needed to do help with childcare during the appointments for EC and ET.  I took the week off as leave when I was due to have scans/EC, and took a day or two off for transfer.  I am fortunate that we do flexi and there is no questions asked when we book leave so providing that there are not too many off it will just be put in the calendar.    No one in work knows that we had a try for a sibling, or that we are planning a final try in a month or two.  

Good luck


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thanks ladies and thanks for all the information it really helps. I work with ladies but still don't feel comfortable giving all my history to them just yet though I'm sure they'd be lovely about it, I just feel by telling people I'm putting more pressure on myself. I dont want to tell my parents either if I can help it because I don't want them worry and if things don't go to plan I will grieve and then tell them but if I do become pregnant   I will tell them after a scan showing everything looks ok. It's took me a long time come to the decision to not tell anyone because I know I'll need support but I find it hard to cry in front of people I always do it behind closed doors or on here where I feel comfortable and knowing people here understand. It will be something I'll talk to the clinic about and also I suppose I'll see if I feel comfortable enough to talk to my boss as time draws near I'm hoping I'll be able to work through it. I always thought when having ivf you needed to be extra careful have time off work and basically rest but I'd drive myself mad thinking abut it all the time x


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## Talkingfrog (Apr 17, 2014)

Tinkerbell, 

The most important thing is for you to do what you feel most comfortable with and if that is to tell no-one then that is what you should do.  I worked through both of my cycles. I found it helped to carry on as normal as much as possible, but being sensible when needed so no picking up large boxes.  

My DH works in the same office (over 1000 people but at the moment he happens to be about 20 metres away in the next room) so what we decide about telling work goes for both of us.  It also means that if I do need to move any largish boxes (which I do occasionally) I can either make an excuse for asking someone else to help or wait until the end of the day (I am usually one of the last to leave) and ask him to do it for me. The most difficult part was getting a three year old to understand (without telling her why) that she could not climb on mummy's tummy and mummy could not pick her up like normal (she puts her legs around and her feet would have been exactly where they shouldn't)


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

There is a vote on the Useful Threads sticky with how many days people had off work after EC/ET that might be worth a read:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=325299.msg5888340#msg5888340

Good luck whatever you decide xxx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Cloudy thank you. The only problem with not telling anyone is we've saved a bit off money so we can get our loan a bit cheaper but not a lot of money at all and my partner is still finding it hard to get a loan and at the moment my partners mum took a loan out years ago for my partner before he met me, and the loan finishes this month and she was going to try get a loan again for us. At first it seemed great but then I started getting cold feet....his mum is a nice lady hit can sometimes snap at certain things and can be slightly insensitive ect but this might be the only chance we get, so obviously she will know about the ivf and as she taking out the loan I'd feel under pressure I'm not sure how I'd get around that x


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## fififi (Mar 16, 2011)

Tinkerbell - I've managed majority of my IVf cycles without telling anyone.

My clinic scans between 7 & 8 am so people can get into work so up until EC I didn't need to say anything. One cycle I took 2 weeks off from EC and my GP gave me sick note saying "gynacological procedure" - not lying but not letting work know exact procedure. To be fair I probably only needed a week but work was quite stressful and physical at time so felt best to avoid all together until OTD. On my last cycle I self certified for 5 days from EC and just said sickness (d&v) as I had a day 2 transfer. A lot depends on what you feel most comfortable doing and how soon after EC your transfer is.

We didn't let any family or friends know either for some of our cycles. It was good to have support on those cycles we did tell but I found the questions about timings  and "how are you getting on" quite stressful. I'm more of a keep things to myself type so for me it was easier when no one knew - apart from ladies on here. My last cycle was a success & it's only at 15 weeks pg we've told anyone anything at all.

Good luck


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

I know a lot of people don't like telling, but we told loads of people! I can't keep a secret and wear my heart on my sleeve and so secrets stress me out! I found that most people just don't really understand it and therefore don't ask too many questions, and we also didn't go into too much detail so people didn't know what the 2ww was, never mind when our OTD was! I told them I would have egg collection and then the embryo returned at a later date, but people outside of the fertility world don't really understand how it works so when people asked when I "would be pregnant" I just said it would be a few months (and that it wasn't as easy as that!)

Xxx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Fififi congratulations!! Amazing news that's exactly what I'm hoping to do and keepit a secret for as long as possible and if I do have success to try keep that secret as well for as long as possible. The main thing what worried Me is it's a new job and didn't want to tell them all my problems straight away as 1 Idont know them and 2 they may not have wanted to hire me. If I was in the job longer I wouldn't be as worried. My partners work is quite understanding with things and he works shifts so will be hard to work around the clinic but I'm sure they'll help. I also find the questions stressful so that's why I dint want to say anything if it's bad news I'll have time to regain myself before telling. My nerves do get the better of me and I worry about the slightest thing and I'm terrified of ivf I never thought it would take 4 years to get around to. I've been so exited and waited so long and now I know the chance might have come if we can get the loan I'm terrified and makes me feel sick when I think of it..I think far to much ahead and the job on top as worried me, thank you so much for replies x


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## fififi (Mar 16, 2011)

Tinkerbell - totally normal to have fears as the date for treatment gets nearer. I've had 6 IVF cycles and each time felt nervous as the starting date got nearer & often came up with reasons why we should delay a bit longer despite deep down really wanting things to go ahead.

Definitely speak to your clinic, if you're already with one, about time of day you'd need to come in for scans. If you've not chosen a clinic yet that might be an important detail to consider when choosing between them. If you explain early on that you'd appreciate it if visits could be as early or late in day as possible I'd imagine most clinics will do their best. 

Prior to starting tx you will have a consents appointment where you sign paperwork agreeing to the IVf and usually get shown how to take your medication. At my clinic this appointment is usually around 45 mins & needs both of you there. I always asked for the last slot of day so just left work bit early to go to the "doctors".

Once cycling you'll have a scan about 10 days after starting down regulation then if that's all ok 3-4 follicle growth scans over the following two weeks. Sometimes more scans are required for your first cycle as the clinic doesn't know quite how your body will respond to the meds but I'd say expect around 3. These scans just need you to attend & normally you'd be in & out clinic within 40 mins, depending on how busy they are. Once follicles are ready you'll get 2-3 days notice of the date for EC. You'd want the whole of that day off if possible as may well feel bloated after & I always felt extra emotional & just wanting "duvet day" with chocolate! The day after EC once they know how many eggs fertilised you normally get idea when ET will be - generally 2,3 or 5 days after EC. That day you again will probably want whole day off work - I always feel extra vulnerable & want to stay as calm & rested as possible to protect precious cargo on board.

It's definitely possible to do IVf without others knowing. I never told lies just gave a more general explanation as didn't want to jinx things by lying.
Most importantly is that you go into the cycle feeling positive & not worrying about other things. Where you can start thinking about how exciting it is that you've got this opportunity coming up. Imagine how it will be a happy event that hopefully will change you & DPs future in the way you've been hoping for


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## optimistic 13 (Nov 1, 2014)

Hi tinker bell ..... I totally understand, I felt awkward about what to do but to be honest the clinic we are using is 100 miles away from us so always 3/4 hr round trip so isn't do able. ( we are self funding so our choice )
So I decided to tell my employer she's been fab actually really understanding,been totally fine when I've needed time off .
I've just started my icsi treatment.
Good luck )
Juggling act isn't it and a roller coaster


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Fififi that's exactly how I feel I keep making excuses to delay though it's all I want, I thought I was the only one to feel that way. Thanks for the information on ivf as I didn't have a clue what to expect. I really want to go in positive and open minded bit I still have that what if at the back of my mind because I know it will take me a long long time to fund another cycle. I feel alone as I have no other women to talk to about it. My main worry is how positive I need to be but know I can't be. I'm good at keeping secrets and emotions to myself x


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## fififi (Mar 16, 2011)

You will feel more positive and excited once actually started. No one is going to manage to rid themselves of all their worries & fears but it's good to try and argue with yourself so when feeling worried remind yourself of a positive. For example when I was at my clinic waiting for scan with about 6 others & worrying that I might not have enough follicles when they scanned me I tried to get rid of that thought by looking around & thinking that 3 of us would be pg in few weeks and I had as much chance as any of them.

For now try not to let worries build up. If you've a question either your clnic or someone on here will be able to help.

Take care and start letting moments of excitement creep in


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thank you fififi I think your right I should start letting excitement creep in instead off worrying to far ahead. I've worried today about work and what if I'm too ill to carry on work during off, what if I don't get the outcome I want and have no work with that on my mind and what if I do become pregnant and take maternity leave and have no one to look after the baby whilst I go back to work so many worries but for now I will definitely try to be more exited..good luck on your pregnancy


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## fififi (Mar 16, 2011)

Thank you  for good wishes 

It's natural to be worried and you're so young. I can't imagine how I'd have coped with all the uncertainty and stress that comes with fertility treatment had I been in my twenties when we started.
You don't know what will happen but it's just as likely all will be fantastic as it is to go wrong. Think about all the good changes that might happen rather than bad ones.

Post again once you get started as I will be willing you on with as many positive vibes as I can fit into a message!!!
Meanwhile if you want to chat/talk through how you're coping with the wait I'm here for you - as are many other ladies on FF. Don't feel you need to do this all alone. Although no one in my "everyday world" knew I'd been having IVf or got pg until recently I couldn't have coped had it not been for ability to chat on here.

Hugs


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## Kieke (Apr 8, 2015)

Hi Tinkerbell!
I was very worried about work before I started our IVF journey. I didn't really want to tell my employer but did do so in the end. I told them once I knew I would be starting so I already had the appointments for signing the consent forms, go ahead of consultant and trips to the hospital for my DH to freeze a back up sperm sample. I work in a small open plan office with 7 other ladies and one male. I have more or less 2 managers (male and female) and neither of them have a family so didn't really have a clue. My male manager wished me good luck, didn't ask many questions but did say he was starting to get worried I was looking for alternative employment because I have had so many time away from the office! So glad I told him.
My female boss asked lots of questions! Purely out of interest but she actually asked me 'whose fault it was'! So that was awkward to say the least. 
My first cycle was on the NHS and the clinic does all the scanning in the morning. I did manage to have one of the first appointments in the morning (between 8-8.30) but I start work at 8 so I would be in the office around 10. I didn't respond very well to the stimming drugs so had 4 scans whilst stimming. We don't have any policies in place for these things being such a small office but I just announced I wouldn't be here for a couple of days for EC (EC was Thursday and ET already the Saturday after so only had 2 days off). I didn't ask and assumed they would count it as 'sick days' which they did and I got paid for them. It turned out to be a BFN and OTD was on a Friday. I called in sick with a migraine on Monday because I could not face the word yet.
Once back at work I told them 'it did not work' and mentioned we would probably try again at some point and left it to that.

Yesterday I had our review appointment and told my managers beforehand. Yesterday morning I was pulled aside and told that from now on I have to make up for all the appointment time. I'm a but miffed about it but do understand it in a way. I don't think it's fair though since some people have loads of sick time etc and I'm normally always here.

Anyhow, I don't think my story will help much reading it back!
I however feel that even though I did not want to tell them and I certainly don't want to discuss it with them I'm glad I did so at least I don't have to worry about what to say and what they think when I'm not here. The other ladies in the office are very chatty and I'm sure they are wondering what is going on but I'm just not telling them.

We've decided to try again so I better start making up for the time needed!
This time I'm planning on asking a doctors note for in between EC/ET (if we are lucky enough to get that far).

BTW, I joined the company last June - did temp to perm for 3 months so haven't been here that long. I don't even know if they have a maternity policy. It might be all statutory... 

Good luck!
xx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Fififi your post bought tears in my eyes it's so nice to hear someone give positive vibes and just the support means the world. It would be my angel baby 4th birthday at the end of the month and on top of that it's my cousins 4th birthday the same day so thats hard. as soon as I know I'm starting I wil definitely post on here for some moral support and positivity considering tahts my main downfall. Good luck with everything   

Kieke that sounds awful I'm sorry it didn't work first time. I can't believe you need to make up the hours I suppose each job is different but that sounds really stressful on top of what you have already been through and going through.
I'm hoping I can continue to work without any questions if I do feel I'm not reacting to ivf well then I will tell my employer but she's a very stern lady   I didn't want them to think I was starting the job then need all the time off without saying why but surely that my right? I will oh tell my employer I'd I'm not responding well to ivf or it's negative news and need time off. I'm very good at hiding emotional feeling other than on here so that won't be much of a problem other than the fact I work with children which believe me was such a hard hard decision to make, I'm fine with older children just not toddler's I have a lot of children in my family and people think I'm over it all cause I work with children and see children but behind closed doors it's so different, I have a good cry in the bath and think why me? Where do I go from here I can't see a way out? And as I said to fififi before I even think of reasons not to have ivf cause it scares me so much. Good luck on your next cycle


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## Kieke (Apr 8, 2015)

Oh bless you Tinkerbell, I know what you mean about hiding emotions, I'm SO good at it!
Even at the clinic they kept saying how cool I was... luckily at home I can come out of hiding - bless my DH, when something comes on TV that he thinks will start me off he hands me a tissue!
You certainly don't have to tell them what the appointments are for, if anything you can always say 'gynaecological issues' which should be enough. When I was off for EC/ET I just told my other colleagues I had a gynaecological related operation... xx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Oh kieke I wish my partner new when to hand over the tissues   he knows what can upset me but I don't even get upset around him in less I can no longer hold it in. My cries are in the bath. My partners not a big talker and sometimes when I raise a issue he'll say your thinking to Mich ahead, we don'tneed think of that just yet ect ect, he's a typical man. He'll always say he's there for me but sometimes I just feel so alone. Nobody at work knows any problems so I might get away with it do I'll see how it plans out and hopefully be able to get away with not saying a lot x


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