# single with au pair



## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

Does anyone out there have experience being a single Mum with an au pair, particularly at the begining?  I am not a high earner, but I have an extra bedroom and am thinking it might make sense so I can work a bit easier and have some help?


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## Jacobsmum (Feb 23, 2013)

Hi Pattycake

I don't have experience of au pairs, but my understanding is that they are generally young people, come to the UK to study and able to 'help out' with general household tasks for 15-20 or so hours a week. No specific experience with young babies required.. Not sure about police checks etc? People I know who have used them have had the extra room - so you're fine there - and got them to help out with older kids - meeting from school or nursery, and half days or a couple of hours looking after kids. Also helping with housework or meals for little ones. I'm not sure that they need much experience, so I wouldn't be recommending anyone used one in the very early days. 

I was going to reply on your other thread, saying if you are not pregnant yet then rent out that room asap and (a) see how you manage with someone else living in 'your' space and (b) save the money for treatment/time off with LO afterwards, or overpay your mortgage (if you can) so you can pay less /cope for longer once baby comes along. I found any 'extra' money I got didn't get spent so easily if I paid it elsewhere - eg savings account, credit union rather than my current account. I direct debited a chunk of my income to a credit union account (in the days before easy internet banking everywhere) - 25% - I almost always needed some (sometimes most!) of it before the end of the month, but because it wasn't in my current account and was slightly harder to get at (I chose not to have a card for the account, so it was phone or visit in person), more of it was saved than if I had just paid in what was 'left over' at the end of the month.

Something like an au pair would be great once baby is a bit older - I don't have a spare room, or I'd be doing something like that (but you'd have to look at how it affected other income etc - if they are over 18 you lose your single person Council Tax discount, I imagine... no idea how it would impact on Tax Credits - except that you can only claim childcare costs if using registered childcare (registered childminder or registered nursery). 

All best wishes
Jacob's mum x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I would also post on the single parenting thread as they have children and I know at least 2 who had an au pair.  I would also be cautious as they are often kids themselves and have no baby care experience


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi there,
Having looked into lots of different options myself, I don't think an au pair would be the right choice in the beginning, certainly not with tiny baby
au pairs are usually in their late teens/early twenties with limited child care experience. I wouldn't trust one (unless you got very lucky) with a new born baby
I do have a friend with baby triplets (plus a 3 and 5yr old!) who had an au pair but the au pair was never left on her own with the triplets, she was there more to take the older children to and from nursery/school and to be an extra pair of hands
think au pairs come into their own when you have older children - say approx 3yrs+
au pair certainly a cost effective option but can also be a challenge - ask bingbong on singles boards to share her recent experiences!
best of luck,
Suitcase
x


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## bingbong (Dec 9, 2008)

Suity I'm not sure that she wants to hear my experience!!!


pattycake, like others have said an au pair might not be great at the start. They normally work 25 hours over five days for about £70, and they get room and board. They are often young but some are older, and some will have experience with young babies but most won't. I'm sure that if you took the time to find the right one then you could find someone that would work and be able to help with baby, while you are also home. It would be good to have someone to do the cleaning and cooking in the early days, but most will want to be doing more childcare than that. If you want one who is police checked then you need to go through an agent, which of course costs more. 


It is an economical way of getting help, but probably not ideal for a small baby. I'd look at getting a mothers help in, they also do cleaning and cooking but have more childcare experience and don't live in. It can be difficult having someone live in, do you want to share a bathroom for example with someone? Also it can go wrong, as I've just experienced, but it can go right too!


bingbong x


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## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

Ok got it.  Au pair not practical for this situation initially!  Like the sound of mothers' help-How could I find out about that and how much does it cost approx?  Is it part of the nursery credit scheme? 
As for sharing the space, yeah I know it's sometimes awkward, but I have had good experiences with sharing and sometimes its nice to come home to another energy and have a chat.  I know it would be nice if the flat was mine to myself, but too expensive.  Have overpaid mortgage where poss-but then thought I should have put that money to one side as a mortgage account to pay for my mortgage when I'm not earning  however its done now, and maybe it would have disappeared on other expenses anyway.  I am currently chipping away at my IVF debt and have 1K to go.  It has taken so long, over a year to pay for everything so far, not counting blood tests, Dr's visits etc etc.  Yes once this is paid I was thinking of getting a car?  Maybe for 2-3K do you think that is sensible?
What did/do you guys do for clothes for yourselves?  Everything I buy or throw away now I am thinking-that would/wouldn't be good when I'm pregnant/after I have the baby.  
I can't imagine being able to go clothes shopping for years.  Is there anything in your flat/house that you suddenly don't need and have got rid of?  Or what have you had to rearrange to make living more practical (I live in a small flat).

Thanks guys, it's so good to be able to ask these stupid questions!!!  I am scared stiff.  I know women have been doing this since time began, but I feel scared I won't cope practically, emotionally and financially.  Its great to see how you are getting stuff done-it gives me hope.


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

pattycake, it does feel very daunting when you are at the thinking/trying stage but to be honest once it happens and the baby is here, you just get on with it and somehow it all works itself out   
I'm sure that most parents, single or not, find that they have to make changes to their lifestyle once they start a family and again, you just kind of adapt to that. I rarely buy clothes for myself - I'm not personally that fussed about fashion/trends so I just keep on wearing the old stuff until it falls apart! Plus with ebay, freecycle, gumtree and the rest, not to mention local charity shops, you can clothe yourself for a lot less than you might think    
re getting a car - that rather depends on your circumstances/location. You mention that you live in London - if you have good access to public transport and have local amenities that are easy to walk to, I wouldn't personally recommend that you get a car. When I lived in London I didn't bother with one, and hired for a weekend if I really needed. Depending on where you are in London, parking is a pain, traffic is horrendous and it all becomes a bit of a hassle. Cars are expensive to buy and run and so I'd avoid unless you think there is a real need. You don't have a car now and presumably don't need one, can't see why that would change when you had a baby?
Suitcase
x


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## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

Yes I guess that is true.  When I do the numbers though, they simply don't add up to cover my basic expenses.  Now.  I just worry with a baby how I think Im going to make it ok.  How much do you think a baby might cost in the first year, week to week on average?  I'm guessing in nappys food and clothing really "not all that much" because I can buy very carefully etc. But I have no idea in a real figure. 
I do have a car now and use it for work and shopping mainly.  It badly needs upgrading and i know I won't be able to afford it later.  I think it would be wise to keep one.
Have just been looking up mothers' help.  Lots of info  and looks good except no price details.  Anyone got an idea of rates?

Pxx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

hmm, tricky to calculate costs in first year as it really depends on so many factors. if you use re-usable nappies and breast feed for example, then you will have lower costs than someone who uses disposables and formula (I have twins and could not breastfeed and I dread to think what I spent on nappies and formula...)
there are some things that will be essential (somewhere for the baby to sleep - unless of course you decide to co-sleep), some basic clothes etc, but in reality babies need very little and a lot of the 'stuff' you can get for them they/you don't need - you just think you do thanks to clever marketing....
if you are happy to rely on hand me downs, 2nd hand stuff and willing/able to ferret out bargains on freecyle etc, then you can get away with actually spending very little for the first year. I also found that people were very generous and in particular we have a great community of single mums here on FF who meet up regularly and pass on clothes that have been outgrown etc. I got all my new baby vests/clothes from another twin mum I met via FF and then passed them on to the next twin mum once mine had outgrown them. 
if anything I'd say costs increase as they get older and start eating 'real' food etc. plus pester power kicks in surprisingly early - my 3 yr olds already ask me for 'treats' when we are out and about!
so without giving you a real figure, I think if you are careful, you breastfeed, and you are good at bargain spotting, your costs will not increase significantly in the first year. am sure there is a good thread on the singles board about money saving ideas, will see if I can find it for you later...
Suitcase
x
PS re car, if you think you'll need one, and think current one needs to be upgraded, then yes, prob better to do it now than later. not least because once you have a small baby the mere thought of car shopping will be far from your mind...let alone having the time!


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## Ange&#039;s journey (Mar 15, 2010)

Suitcase, I remember you honey, how time flies and oh my word your twinnies sound amazing. Mine are cheeky little darlings and I agree with everything you say, be financially minded when considering buying anything and you do always end up with lots of stuff. It can also be hard bringing up any amount of babies but with a lot of suggestions flying around like groups etc its fantastic. I hope you're well anyway darling xxx


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Pattycake, there are 'granny au pairs' - ladies in their forties, fifties and over, who want the au pair experience in a foreign country and have already raised their own kids.
Worth looking into for you I am sure, if you can cope with the thought of telling someone who's older than you what to do  
I read an article about a lady (French or German) who did this in the UK but I can't remember where, worth googling I think xx

With regards to other costs - do you have a driveway/garage you can rent out? I'd get rid of the car and use that money towards cabs or Zipcar membership when you need it. As long as you're near a bus stop you should be able to cope. My last car cost £300 (via a friend) but I never appreciated how much all the repairs, taxes, MOT etc cost, so I think cars are a money pit and not worth bothering with.

Baby things will be handed down to you, just ask - eBay is amazing too, I picked up 3 'tiny baby' bundles for a friend for under £3 each, and you don't even have to leave the house  As soon as people know you're preggers you won't be able to help yourself for the freebies! Also Aldi often has baby events for all the essentials (nappies are super cheap, my cheap travel buggy cost £24 from there, and I got a more expensive model off eBay).

Yes, many of your clothes WILL adapt, think tops and jersey dresses more than jeans, again you can get almost new maternity jeans from eBay . Also worth investing in bra expanders you clip into the back of the bra rather than new bras at the beginning.

I got rid of my lodger in early March, because my DP moved in! Yes although I started off single I met a wonderful man down the line, you never know what surprises life has in store for you and his presence in my life has also made a world of difference where finances are concerned, so try not to get too bogged down with it all and concentrate on getting up the duff.
What method are you using? Best of luck!!xx


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## notamuggle (Jan 15, 2013)

I like the idea of a granny au pair so I just did a quick bit of research and found this guardian article

http://www.theguardian.com/money/2011/jul/24/mature-au-pairs

I currently have 2 lodgers (they are best friends sharing a double room) They are both lovely but the house does seem rather full now! But it's a great way for me to save money for my treatment



Xxx

/links


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Notamuggle, I think I read a similar article, those websites look good too 
I'm certainly considering an older au pair if I ever feel I have the room again to put someone up!x


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## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

Wow LOVE the idea of granny au pair!  Thank you!
Guess I can get my head around the baby's clothing bit now (at least for the first few years).  My clothes: never thought of ebay for maternity jeans and clothes-that is a brilliant idea!!
Have been keeping an eye on baby food and went to Lidl as an experiment this week:it is a different world and you can get things much cheaper.
Garage-no I actually rent one!  But as I said I do have a spare room and that will be valuable I'm sure.  Anyone got experience of how lodgers like living with single Mum and baby?  I thought it might not suit most people.
Car; My current car was  few hundred quid (also from a friend) but it is old and only scrapes through the MOT these days.  Will think more about that.
I paid off another £200 on my treatment bill today!!  About £700 to go.  It struck me today just how much I have put into this already and the other things I could have done with that money-I hadn't really thought of it that way before. I will just be SO SO happy to make the last payment on this bill.  I will feel a great sense of achievement and relief and also be able to save some money and get ahead on some bills etc.  
How long until I can go back to work for a couple of days a week once I have child care in place?  Not that I will want to be leaving baby I'm sure!!  Any experiences or advice?  Anyone go back too soon?


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## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

Broody chick you are funny! Thanks for the advice.  I have embie, so embie transfer. Wow did you know DP before baby?  How did that happen.  Good for you!


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Patty
yes I had 3 embies on ice when we met. I'm now nearly ready to meet my little miracle!

I think in the UK you have to take a minimum of 6 weeks maternity leave after birth of baby but I am sure you can google that. Would be way too short for me (I'm taking a year) but you can go back part time as soon as it suits you after the statutory leave.x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

pattycake my friend rented a room in a house with a single lady and her 3 yr old at the time for about 4 yrs - her rent was slightly less than the market value as not everyone would like to rent a room in a house with kids in shared spaces. it suited her fine though, it meant she had to go out to socialise or only have her friends round when the owner was away, no parties, no overnight guests so impact on sex life, no noisy music to be played  and she had to be tolerant of lots of kids visiting, tantrums from the child, gerbiils, kids tv and toys around the house but it was ok.  V occasionally she babysat for the mother but they lived v separate lives.


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