# 'Infertility playlist' suggestions? (Strong, righteous anger themed music)



## Alligatorlady (Apr 14, 2014)

Hi
Anyone else in this situation?

For the past few years, I deliberately stopped listening to music. I used to listen to music all the time. But I felt that because most people listen to music to make them happy, or remind them how great life is, or to inspire them -- why should I bother? Why should I listen to music, feel happy; and then have to remind myself that infertility is making things hopeless? I felt not listening to music would make my life more honest.

All it's done is make me more unhappy. And jealous of people who listen to music all the time.

In the years I've been doing this, my ipod has gone untouched. And now everyone listens to music on phones. I've never bought music online, and dont know anything about these new services (Spotify etc).

Then last week, I remembered something I'd known for years, but ignored in my state of victim-hood, and had a revelation: 

That many people listen to music because they are angry. The music they may listen to may support their righteous anger, and make them feel more powerful, and less alone.

So here's my question:

WHAT MUSIC WOULD YOU SUGGEST FOR A RIGHTEOUS-ANGER-BASED 'INFERTILITY PLAYLIST'?

I'm not talking about calming 'be positive' music. I'm not talking about 'inspirational' music. I'm not talking about 'triumphant' music.  I'm talking about "I'm angry and have a right to be angry, but I'm strong, and I'm not alone" music.

Suggestions welcome. And suggestions of how to get the music (ie buy online, subscription, etc) also welcome.

I hope this is helpful to others too.
Thanks!


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## Guest (Aug 19, 2015)

What about Labi Siffre's 'Something Inside So Strong'? Not necessarily angry, but inspiring & determined   
I'm sorry about what you've been through, I know it can affect life very much and I hope you find some renewed optimism, creativity and positivity very soon whenever you need them   All the best!


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## optimistic 13 (Nov 1, 2014)

I actually sing at the top of my voice and turn it loud ..... Pink just like a pill 😀


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## MrsGorilla (Dec 12, 2013)

I like "Ashes" by my favourite band ever, Embrace. It's actually a happy sounding song, and I think it's about a break-up, but something in the lyrics just fits the treatment/IVF rollercoaster.
I know you can download singles from iTunes if you've got an Apple device, or you can download single songs from Amazon fit around 99p.


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## wibble-wobble (Apr 16, 2011)

Rock, heavy metal, grunge, Punk rock a lot of angry songs in those genre's too many to mention


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## MrsGorilla (Dec 12, 2013)

I stopped listing to music too Alligator Lady, and I stopped reading and even watching any film that wasn't an all-out action film! I eventually realised ,like you, that I was just causing myself more pain by avoiding what used to make me happy. Looking forward to seeing other's recommendations!


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## sarahsuperdork (Mar 12, 2013)

Nine Inch Nails or Stabbing Westward, volume turned right up.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

cher - 'strong enough'?

completely your post struck a nerve with me about losing the music. before IF i loved to listen to music but as time went on, it got harder and harder to do it, so much emotion, so many lyrics that would upset me....even now,  i still haven't got it back really...not quite.. though i am working hard on it. very important to get music back in your life - so easy to forget how strong an effect it can have. 

there's lots of punk era stuff that would work.


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Apologies for the irony of the title but Mama by Genesis is an incredible song, and off the top of my head, You Oughta Know by Alanis Morrisette - the whole Jagged Little Pill album is very angry !!


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## Alotbsl (May 20, 2013)

Three artists in order of anger scale
Christina aguilera - Stronger
My Chemical Romance 
Metallica 

Actually bundles had a good one, let's all go and rebuy jagged little pill.


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## MrsGorilla (Dec 12, 2013)

Jagged Little Pill git me through my teen years!


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## Hopefulshell (Mar 14, 2013)

Jagged little pill - wow that's bought back memories of my younger days😃 I've got it on tape somewhere! 

It's strange how music can affect us isn't it? I personally listen to a lot of classical music these days without lyrics and with little association with my pre-IF life. I find it really calming and just makes for good background music during housework etc. However, when I've been in my anger phases, and when I just want to drown out my thoughts, nothing works quite like Sweet child of mine (again, ignore the irony of the title!) turned up full volume in the car. Or showing my age a bit here I also turn to my Lenny Kravitz album - the guitar riff at the start of Are you gonna go my way gets that pent up emotion out ☺

Sorry you feel this way at the moment   Perhaps try a completely different genre of music you wouldn't normally listen to that doesn't remind you of the past? Kind of like choosing your play list for this phase of your life until the time comes when you'll be in a better frame of mind to return to your old favourite tunes? It's helpful to think that many of the most iconic songs were written by artists in a state of pain or anger so rather than feeling sad when listening to them maybe a sense of identification  will make you feel less alone in your own feelings? I don't know - could maybe work? I'll have to try it myself ☺

Now cheesy long-haired 80s rock tunes - there's an era that knew how to let out that aggression 😆 Bon Jovi anyone?! Oh oh Living on a prayer - that's a good one! Anyone else have a crush on Mr Jovi in their youth? Just me then 😆

x


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## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

i know the songs i definitely wouldnt play and when i occasjonally hear them on the radio i switch stations. 2 weeks after my babyson died from cot death, ace of bass "all that she wants" is one as the next bit is another baby. my best friend played that track and said "thats you that is" i dont k ow how i stopped myself from punching her!
the second song i wouldnt play is coldplay "fix you". i heqrd that song for the first time,the day after we'd been told he had low sperm count, low motility, high morphology and clumping. basically 2% chance of a natural conception. that song broke me. 
i quite like "killing in the name of" (cant remeber who by) and limp bizkit songs from the chocolate starfish album. both full of swearing and angst. Even now, if i stick them on full bore, my hubby  knows to leave me well alone!!!!
so many good angry songz out there 😃


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## Froggy82 (Nov 8, 2012)

My top 2:
Bad habit by Offspring
No light by Florence + the machine


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## zoooooommmmm (Aug 5, 2009)

Superfurry animals - The man don't give a **** (naughty word)


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## MrsGorilla (Dec 12, 2013)

Froggy, yes and yes!! Also, Smashing pumpkins, most of the first half of their Mellon Collie album.


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## Banjo55 (Nov 9, 2014)

One from the 90s Skunk Anansie, Paranoid & Sunburt album. Perfect angry music. The last track 'Rise Up' is a really good one to blast out.

Also some Bjork tracks. There are times I wish I could wail and howl out loud like she does instead of screaming inside.


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

My truly angry song ... puff daddy come with me! The lyrics are fab in a I'll take you all on, fight every last one of you, I may even bite kind of way 

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/puffdaddy/comewithme.html

Love Molly - a pacifist, non biting, told of by counsellor for being too empathetic, non puff daddy fan, non swearer  

/links


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## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

Love the puff daddy track... Never knew what it was called. Might have to download to my iPod.


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## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

Gonna Fly now - The Rocky theme tune helped me focused on being mad but determined. A bit dated but worked for me (I just imagine myself kicking and punching all the frustration away).


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## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

Oh and 'Zombie' by the Cranberries. A bit old and political.  Before IVF I saw the lyrics of, 'In your head,' as my inner depressive voice telling me that I will never have a family.


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## AprilShelly (Oct 5, 2012)

Eye of the Tiger


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Love this thread!

I've always had a fairly eclectic taste in music (although mostly rock) but also stopped listening to music years ago. Too many songs had memories from times when I was younger and didn't ever think that I would go through such heartache or current songs that just reminded me of my pain. I couldn't even listen to classical music as that would just let my mind drift (and it always drifted onto infertility).

Although even rock music had its drawbacks - when Freddy Mercury was singing _"Don't stop me now (I'm having such a good time)"_, I almost threw the radio out the bathroom window as it was not long after my miscarriage.

I have therefore spent the last 7 + years listening to either silence or classic rock at full volume to drown out my thoughts. The likes of AC/DC were an easy listen as there was no emotional connection at all to their songs.

However when I wanted to drown out thoughts, rail against the unfairness of it all or scream about my sadness key tracks were:

Foo Fighters - Pretender (coz that's what I was)
Foo Fighters - Best of You (figured that infertility had robbed me of the best of me/best years)
Skunk Anansie - Weak
Puddle of Mudd - Blurry (especially after my sister fell pregnant and - unfairly on her - I felt that she and all pregnant women were _"shoving it in my face"_ and I just pleaded that someone would just _"take it all away"_. Only don't watch the video as it stories ex-boyfriend getting visitation with his son - nothing at all to do with infertility!)

My more "positive" infertility song would have to be Bob Segar's "Roll Away" - full volume and on repeat play I would just imagine driving away from it all. And as for the last line&#8230;. _"next time we'll get it right"_ - definitely a mantra for a repeat IVFer!

Now that I'm finally pregnant, I have even dug out my old Marillion albums and cried my way through the first listen (for years) of 'Cinderella Search' and the whole of 'Misplaced Childhood'. But now that the first play is done, I can finally hit repeat play for them too&#8230;

Turia x


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## Alligatorlady (Apr 14, 2014)

WOW Thanks everyone!

So glad I started this thread.... There's really something in this. About how music is so entwined with emotion and memory -- and self-protection.

I'm really touched that this struck a nerve or is something many of you can identify with. I feel so much less alone....

And I'd felt VERY alone in this habit. I've NEVER spoken to anyone about it. (Not even to fertility therapists. As it seemed like such a low priority of things they can advise on). And yet the absence of music in one's life, by one's own hand, is such an ever-present, constant reality.

HopefulShell's perspective is useful for us to remember at times we feel like surrounding ourselves with silence:
_It's helpful to think that many of the most iconic songs were written by artists in a state of pain or anger so rather than feeling sad when listening to them maybe a sense of identification will make you feel less alone in your own feelings?_

THANKS for all the suggestions. Would love to hear more. This is inspirational.


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

At the minute (while I'm on a treatment hiatus and rediscovering Jack Daniels) is "I'll Drink To That" By Rhianna, or anything from No Doubt that I can shout out. And no one can resist Wilson Phillips "Hold On" surely  

When I'm feeling positive it's Florence and the Machine (Dog Days are over etc) but when I'm negative it's Built This Ship to Wreck.

When I'm feeling sad and self pitying it's First Aid Kit, My Silver Lining, or Say Something By Christina and Great Big World.

When I'm thinking about treatment it's Skyscraper by Demi Lovato, or Let it Go from Frozen (partly because of the frostie aspect)

Sheryl Crow did a few amazing songs (check out her Greatest Hits) but "Strong Enough" is amazing, as is anything by Sarah Machlaclan, but they are for the sad emotional side of things.

I could go on all day! 

Xxx


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## goldcrest (Mar 26, 2014)

Great thread, I really needed this.

'What Do I Get?' by The Buzzcocks sums it up for me very well. It's a song that lets you really just indulge yourself in feelings of unfairness, jealousy and bitterness, but without dragging you down. Total righteous anger:






Also, because I grew up as a bit of a riot grrrl, Hole's 'I Think That I Would Die' works, though it might be a bit close to the bone for some ('Where is my baby? There is no baby...') But screaming it out has helped me when I'm in *that mood*, I've found.

/links


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## Cookie-monster (Dec 12, 2014)

I used to cry while driving to work, almost every day. Music really helped me get through the 45 minute drive each day. To be honest I'm never bothered what I'm listening to as long as its loud. I guess it's like drowning my thoughts out. 

There's also a song called "gods whisper" by a rapper called Raury. I used to listen to the song before every appointment. 

X


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## MandyPandy (May 10, 2010)

HAS to be Rage Against the Machine 

I also used to run as fast as I could while crying after yet another failed tx cycle listening to 'Hostile' - the Paul Glazby version (maybe Google it.  ) the original was Pantera.

I also still can't listen to 'When the War is Over' by Cold Chisel without remembering the times I'd played it post tx bfn - singing along to it while bawling my eyes out.


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## Trixie138 (Sep 23, 2015)

Head Like a Hole by Nine Inch Nails has always been  my go-to song when I am really angry.


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## Alligatorlady (Apr 14, 2014)

This is all so wonderful. I still have to go through all the suggestions...

I have an additional Q:  How do those of you who DO play music, start playing it? It's been so long that I've lived in silence (my ipod isnt charged, I have no music on my smartphone), that I cant even bring myself to click on something on the internet. Because I'm now USED to the silence.

How did those of you who cultivated silence for a while make that first leap, into the music that helped you?
Thanks.


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## MrsGorilla (Dec 12, 2013)

I put music on in the kitchen while cooking (I find all that peeling/chopping etc really relaxing when stressed/anxious/emotional). Also, driving - sometimes I can only do classical (need music without lyrics) but those are my two places for music. Also, I downloaded a relaxation app on my phone and would lie in the bath listening to the sounds of birds twittering or a rainforest at night - ways to start breaking the silence without being too emotional, if that makes sense.


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## MandyPandy (May 10, 2010)

Alligatorlady said:


> This is all so wonderful. I still have to go through all the suggestions...
> 
> I have an additional Q: How do those of you who DO play music, start playing it? It's been so long that I've lived in silence (my ipod isnt charged, I have no music on my smartphone), that I cant even bring myself to click on something on the internet. Because I'm now USED to the silence.
> 
> ...


I downloaded a free trial of the 'Tidal' app on my phone. It allowed me access to a very wide range of very different styles of music that I would otherwise not have been exposed to. I then cancelled it when they wanted to start charging.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

google videos of people dancing to something funny. that way you can bring yourself around to listening but gently. maybe people like morecambe and wise or the goodies or the red dwarf cast.. there's lots of stuff that's silly but fun and then you can psych yourself up to the heavy stuff. start light


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