# teen mum with teen ttc finding it hard



## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

hopefully someone out there may be able to help me as i'd like some support.i'm 29 mum of 2 aged nearly 13 and 7.i was a teen mum and always felt i coped well and was a good mum.my dd is nearly 13 shes very moody,growing up so fast and to be honest treats me horribly sometimes i'm finding it really hard coping with her .we've been ttc for 3yrs andfor a long time i've struggled with thinking it will happen,i've had preeclampsia both times,was hospitalised and both my children were early it took me ages to try for no 3.now i feel so low so jealous of every baby i see,i was 16 when i had my dd i was in hospital at 32wks and it was a hard pregnancy,now i feel to young still to have an almost teenager, i feel a bit like lifes over for me and its all her that matters now but i'm still quite young and i just want a baby.most of dds friends mums are about 45 and i've never fitted in really but no one knows we're ttc,every time i see a little baby i die inside.i have no one who understands me and i cant see it getting better,we're saving for ivf but with things how they are i'm so stressed.i just cant see it happening and i feel my heart is breaking.also i feel a freak as everyone i see has kids close in age and not massive gaps,most days are down days and i feel really old,fed up and done in


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## diamond55 (May 26, 2010)

Hi honey.
My heart goes out to you. My situation is very similar to yours - I was 16 when I found out I was pg, 17 when I had my DD. I am 29 too and my daughter is 12. I had pre-eclampsia and got very poorly after I had her, although I recovered quickly. It is not surprising that you have so many horrible emotions at the moment. Because you had such difficult pregnancies I would guess a bit of you  (amybe sub-consciously) is scared to get pg again in case the same thing happens, but of course you are desperate to aswell so you can have your baby. Try not to be too hard on yourself and try to enjoy your family whilst you wait for the BFP to happen.
Have you had any tests to explain the amount of time you've been trying?
Do you have any close friends or family who you could tell about ttc? I didn't tell anyone for ages but when we found out I have tubal problems I told my mum, sister and a couple of close friends and have valued their support these last 2 weeks with having the ectopic pg and operation.
I know exactly what you mean about feeling left out. My DP is great with my DD (he's not her dad) but hates going to school things as all the other parents are about 10 years older than us and although he doesn't mean to he sometimes makes comments that make me feel I was wrong to have her so young. I still think it was the right think for me at the time but it does knock me down a bit.
I really feel for you being so down. Your life isn't over. As you say we are still young and there is no reason at all why you should feel it is all about your DD. Why do you think she treats you horribly?
Have you talked to your DH/DP about how you feel? It might help and he might be feeling the same way. 
You are not a freak. I have learnt that there is nothing wrong with a large age gap, whether it's through choice or not. I really wanted to have another child before my DD was 10 but my DP just wasn't ready to start trying then and now we have the IF problems time is ticking away but because we are only 29 time is still on our side so there is a little silver lining there.
We have been TTC for 2 1/2 yrs and just been through an ectopic which was very tough. Explaining it to my daughter was difficult too as she has been desperate for a sibling for so long. When I told her she said I have waited so long for this, and I thought yeah - me too! 
I'd be really happy to chat more and offer you whatever support I can.. This site is fantastic and I really hope you find somethign in my post to help. Feel free to pm me or just reply on here. I will offer you all the support and hugs I can!


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## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

hi i've sent you a personal message.thanks for your support its so nice not to feel alone.
we've been told we're unexplained and i was given clomid but i have only taken it for 1 cycle as it made my af really bad.i feel that there is a problem because i get a lot of pain and i never used to also i had a csection with my ds and wonder if i've got scarring or something.
i have a couple of good friends i can talk to and dh is great but he gets really upset and really hates seeing me upset.this has been a really bad week but hopefully things will look up soon.my dd is behaving better,i think shes just like it because i'm not very strict also a lot of her friends have very different family backgrounds without younger siblings which i think makes a difference.i've also had hypnosis and acupuncture  which didnt work.i'm now trying the fertility diet and have given up alcohol,so far have lost about 8lbs so feeling a bit better,hopefully it'll make me more fertile to.
i hope you are feeling better i cant imagine how it must feel to wait so long then have your bfp cruelly snatched from you,i must be devasting,make sure you get all the support you can.x


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