# ANOTHER MIRACLE cycle buddies no. 7



## suzy

CYCLING  

Fragile
Emma 73
Helenab
Pixiecat
Suzy
AllisonT
Encore
Scoop

IN_BETWEENIES

Cuthbert
Tracey72
Spangle
CJ
Hun
Owennicki
Encore
Succotash
Imogen

PREGNANT 

Bev FET EDD -

Karen - IVF - EDD -

Clare_S - natural conception - EDD - 13/7/06

Cookies - natural conception

Dixie - IUI

Betty M - IVF

Dopey Dinah - medicated FET

Scruffyted - Twins!! ICSI

Hi everyone,

Here we go again. We'll be in double figures by the end of the year.  I've taken anyone off who hasn't posted for a while, so please let me know and I'll put you back on if you still want to post on this thread. Also apologies in advance for anyone who I've missed. It wasn't intentional. I can't help noticing that there are quite a few of us that are pg. Lets hope next time there are even more.


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## suzy

Hi all,

There was such a flurry of activity, but now its gone quiet, so I thought I'd start up again. 

Succotash - hope you are OK Hun. You've had such a bad time lately.  

Fragile - glad your cycle's going well. You really paint a picture of youself on a rainy day watching Thomas 

Emma73 - Good luck for your scan. I've done a 10k fun run. It nearly killed me. Getting a bit old and creaky now, and I couldn't do it to save my life. Its a good way to keep your mind of the treatment though to plan and train for something like that.

Owennicki - how are you, and how is your husband? Is he still in hospital?

CJ - how are you and your lovely twins?

Cuthbert - how awfully frustrating for them to not have got the referral. Glad you're going ahead again soon.

Dopey Dinah - hope your pg is going well and the sickness resolving a little. 

Tracey72 - Oh do I feel like you. "I was stupid believing in miracles" - its so how I feel too. Every month, I get let down again. I wonder how long the hope will last. Sorry it was't your month.

Scruffyted - sit tight and keep those babies warm 

Helenab - how are you doing? I guess you are downregging. Congratulations on your house. If you are in the 2ww, you'll have to invent some terrible disease so that the removalists don't thing you are slack in not helping. You musnt' do anything. Either that or beat a hasty retreat to a health farm and let dh look after the baby 

Hun - I know what you feel about having nothing out of your last cycle. Its like you have so much invested, financially emotionally and personally, and at the end there is nothing to show for it, just negative things - less money, older and a few pegs further down to disillusion. Glad you can cycle again soon. Hope Henry is better.

Hi to everyone else and anyone I've missed. I've been up and down. I've started downregging again and have a blood test next week. I've had a very heavy perid. But the weather has been brilliant, kangaroos keep getting stuck in our garden, the dog keeps chasing them,  and ds is really good at the moment. 

I've been very upset about the loss of a friend, and am thinking of writing her an email/letter telling her how I feel. She is pregnant, and since then (soon after I confided in her about my ivf) our relationship has become almost that of aquaintences and I am really sad, hurt and devestated about it, and can't stop thinking about it.  I haven't sent it though.

Littel Sophie is still in ICU with a brused lung, fracured ribs, and a broken leg and jaw. Poor little thing. Someone told me she was an ivf baby as well, not that it makes any difference, just makes me empathize more.

Suzy


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## fragile

hi all

thanks for the new home Suzy, awwww how awful for you to be left feeling so hurt by your friend.  do you think shes feeling really akward because she is pg so trying to keep out of the way in case she upsets you or maybe she just doestn know how to deal with your IF? what do you have to lose by sending it?  you sound a lot brighter today anyway starting your cycle again, hope all goes well.

hi to everyone, this was just a quick check in with my cup of decaff, had really rough night with DS but have to go & wake the poor little mite now or he will fall asleep at tea time again & then we will be up all night again!!!  last week we had our first 3 nights sleep in 8 months.  before that we used to average 1 nights sleep a week but for 8 months he has been a demon.  wish this wasnt decaff!!!! 

lol  mo x


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## Betty M

Hello all

Not been on for ages - sorry I am finding it difficult to keep up at the moment what with work, DD and moving house. Apologies in advance if I fail to mention any big news.

*Suzy * - I am so sorry about the chemical (I so hate that name - its only cos they haven't worked out how to see whats going on) and I am impressed that you are back cycling next week. I don't know about sending the letter to your friend - have you got someone who you trust and who knows her who could read it before you send it? I ask as I have known friends who have had even more difficulties once stuff is down in black and white (although in quite different circs). Your kangaroos make me slmile every time - you are very lucky to live in such a beautiful environment!

*Scruffyted * - WOW! Twins!! Congratulations.

*Fragile* - your scan sounds good - I have never had more than 7 usuable eggs in any cycle. This last one I got 4 and 2 fertilised and put back 1 4 cell and one which was only starting to divide which they had no real hope for and that worked whilst I have lost count of the no of people with a zillion who have sadly had no success.

*Emma * - I am amazed you can even contemplate a long run I am definitely too old for that! Hope your scan goes well.

*Cuthbert * - hope you read the hospital the riot act - we shouldn't have to chgase every 5 mins for people to remember to do their jobs. Glad you got it sorted in the end.

*Dopey-Dinah* - hope you are getting over the worst of the sickness.

*Tracey72 * - sorry it didn't happen for you this month.

*Hun * - I think you are great to think of egg sharing - I was never young enough and probably if I am honest not altruistic enough either. Sorry the last cycle was a unsuccessful - it is always such a blow and I thinbk for us ladies who have had success we secretly hope that it will be easy and each time would produce the result we want - at least thats how I felt.

*Helena* - are you down regging yet? We are exchanging this week - I cant believe how much paperwork there is - I have lost count of the no of people to tell. Have you checked out iammoving.com - apparently they have some program so you can tell all the utilities, dvla, banks etc at once?
*
Succotash* - so sorry to hear your news. Totally understand if you feel you never want to come here again.

Hey there Spangle, CJ, Nicki and everyone else I have missed.

Not much to report here - warning bump news  I'm in that odd zone when I have 4 weeks before appts - so had a scan at 13 weeks and nothing else until 17 weeks. Have to go in for more bloods this week I think so may get a midwife to listen for the heartbeat as I need the reassurance and dont want to buy my own doppler. Think I can feel flutterings but probably just wind.

Love to all
Bettyx


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## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Sorry haven't been on for a while, getting my head togther!

Suzy-on hun, I am so sorry you have had another chemical!! I can't beleive it, two in a row, you so derserve to be "proper" pregnant!! How long have you got to d/r for this time? Sounds like you are having lovely weather out there. We had 2 days last week of wonderful sun then the whole weekend it rained!!! Been quite nice today though. So sad about Sophie, I so hope she will be ok-what a wicked world we live in!!

Betty-lovely to see your post-can't beleive where the time has gone and that you are 15 weeks already!!

Hun-Hope you are having a lovely holiday. I think it is fab that you are going to egg share again, you are a wonderful person.

Pixie-You must be in your 2ww by now?? Hope it is all going ok. How old are your twins?

Cuthbert-  to your hospital-why do we have to do their jobs for them!!

Tracey72-Hope you are ok sweetheart. 

CJ-Will be Pming you as having lots of wobbly moments!! 

Emma-wow, good on you, I can only run about a mile and I am knackered!! When will you be starting FET then?

Debbie-How's your sickness now? Have you stopped spotting now?  

Helena-When do you start d/r? Got everything crossed for you.   

Succotash-As always, thinking of you.  

Nicki-How is your husband?-hopefully he is out of hospital. 

Fragile-sorry forgotten where about's you are in your cycle?? hope it is going well.  

Hi to everyone else-got to go time for DS bath.

love
Scruffyted xx


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## Dixie

Hi everyone just wanted to pop in and wish everyone cycling, all the best and tons of !

Suzy, so sorry about the chemical. But you did get pregnant so it is just a matter of time before you get there!

Scruffyted, many congrats on the twins, rest up you are going to need it now !!

Culbert hope your will be able to proceed with your cycle now, stupid hospital!

Succotash, hope you are well, missing you.

Tracey72, hope things are well with you and your little scrummy man!

Betty sounds like things are going great!

Debbie, hope you are doing well and growing that bun!

Hun, hope your holiday is great! Good luck with the egg share!

Emma, Pixie, Helena, and Fragile, hope your cycles are going well!

Hi to anyone, I missed!

Not much to report here either but (warning bump news) I did get really good results back from my first trimester screen. My risk for Downs went from 1/81 for my age to 1/980 and my risk for other chromosomal problems went from 1/280 for my age to 1/9800!  So DH and I are pretty relieved and happy! I am going to have the 18 week detailed scan now sometime in June because of my age, I swear they think I am 60 or something !

Much love to all, Dixie


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## spangle

hello everyone, 

Suzy- Hi,  I am cycling, had down reg injection and another appointment in about 2 weeks for baseline. I guess I am not far behind you? Thanks for letting us know about Sophie it is such a sad story but with hope. Love to hear about kangaroos etc sounds amazing . So sorry about how you have been let down by a friend it is so very hard as you have confided in her.  O don't know about you but when I am cycling I find myself mulling over things much more- I suppose it is trying not to think about treatment.

Fragile- fingerscrossed you get a good nights sleep - Oh how I remember the joy of a full nights sleep.

Betty- So glad things are going well for you. 

Scruffyted- So happy for you it must be amazing contemplating twins and be like being in a dream. 

Dixie-Glad blood results are good.

Well tonight is the first night dd has gone to bed without a nappy on !  Decided to bite the bullet- had run out of pullups- the potty training ones which show flowers if dry and as she has had a few dry nights have gone for it !!! Hoping she will be ok otherwise it's wet bed changing tonight !!!!! 

Cuthbert- Bet you are glad you have finished the dreaded reports !!  I have the possibility of a .5 contract. So need the money for treatment ! Am waiting to see what happens. Is a job share, have done them before so know all about extra work /usual work load involved am waiting to see if person who might be retiring does. Is a great opportunity and at one of my 3 schools I do supply in. Is job sharing in a 3 class school with the head. Only thing is may have to attend interview and fill out application form  - I am just unsure as what if some one else gets it !! (talk about thinking positive !)Head knows about me having fertility treatment as all the heads I work for do and is very understanding.

Take care everyone,

love

Spangle


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## fragile

spangle  did you get a dry night? hope it all went well

cant even get DS on a potty & he is 2 & half so still firmly in nappies!!!

just a quick hello to everyone looks like another sunny day, have to get DS breakfast he just woke up so back later

lol  mo x


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## AllisonT

Hiya,

Can I join your thread. I had my little angel Frankie January last year and would love a little brother or sister for her. I am downregging at present and have scan 19/5. If all goes well ET will be w/c 5/6. 

Good luck to everyone currently on a tx. 

See you
Alli
x


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## suzy

Hi Allison,

Welcome to the thread. I've added you to the list. You are in company as there are a few of us cycling at the moment. I have a blood test on the 18th (and will have been d/r for about 13 days by then)


Suzy


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## emma73

Hi everyone - really quick me post as I am feeling very very fed up. I just had a call from my clinic to rearrange the time of my scan on Saturday. No problem there- but while the sister was on the phone I asked her what the situation was with donor sperm for my IVF in August - i.e is there any?? she said that if they have a while to get it in they shouldnt have a problme but that yes there is a possibility that they may not be able to get any for me and that my treatment may not be able to go ahead. 

It just feels like EVERYTHING is against us for this one - we dont have the money - I find it horrendous having the TX after my prem labour and now we dont know if it will be possible anyway. I cannot handle all this unceartanty - its driving me nuts. I so badly want a brother or sister for Luke - it upsets me so much to think of him growing up without a sibling - especially when his brother Zac should be here too. 

I'm very close to giving up. Sometimes I think that I should do this FET and be done with it. But then i remember why I'm doing it - and resolve to try again. I hate the HFEA for the situation they have created by having the laws on changed re donors - I now cant have a full blood sibling for Luke as his donor stopped donating, and now its possible I may not be able to have one at all. 

AARRRGGGHHHH.

There - feel a little better now. 
Emma xx


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## fragile

Emma

sorry your feeling so bad.  im glad getting it out on here has helped, its good to get it off your chest.  have to say the **** changes make me mad too.  such a shame Luke wont get to have a chance of having a sibling with the same father & that he stopped donating. the changes have put a lot of people off & you can understand why.  i really hope that they have some sperm available when you need it.
hope all is well on sat.

lol  mo x


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## fragile

Mind if i rant?

had another scan today left me waiting half hr past my appointment time then i went through got on the bed & got undressed etc then a horrible foreign male consultant waltzed in put his gloves on then rammed dildo cam in & was very rough.  not even a hello.  i was quite upset by the time i left although not sure if it was just because of him or because of my follies.

i only have 2 on my right as the other 2 havent grown but i now have 6 on the left so total of 8.  i just dont know what size they are as he didnt bother to tell me.  i suppose im ok about the amount its the same as i had the last 2 times although i was hoping for a few more to give more chance of frosties.  suppose before i found FF i didnt even know what size the should be so its true ignorance is bliss.  the last 2 cycles i didnt have computer access so just got on & did it without worrying about size of follies, brazil nuts & pineapple juice & got DS first time (bfp last time but not a sticky one).  think im just stressing a bit, had a horrible day in work & got loads of abuse from one horrible member of the public, i left my car window open a bit & we had torrential rain so had a wet bottom on the way home & i just want it all to happen now, im going to be demented by the end of 2ww & i havent even had EC yet!!!!!  ok rant over for now thanks! 

hope everyone is ok 
lol  mo x


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## encore

are any of you girls at the argc?


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## emma73

fragile that sounds awful - I HATE it when the scans are horrible - they are bad enough at the best of times. Sorry you have had such a crappy time - but I'm sure all is ok or they would have told you. 

Lots of love Emma 

PS - where is everyone - its very quiet again !!


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## fragile

thanks Emma I'm feeling a bit better now, was a bit crappy today then my sis told me my mum had been moaning i wasn't going to her BBQ because i was working!!!!! was just the icing on the cake but got it into perspective now

Encore sorry not at argc have you tried the ivf or icsi threads?

does seem quiet here again maybe everyone else has a fun night out planned - vaguely remember those!!!

cant understand why my tummy is so bloated with so few follies, will be living in slobby track suit bottoms at this rate! 

lol  mo x


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## spangle

Hello,

Well I am not out, tv watching with laptop on knee  

Allison- Hello, I am down regging at the moment for a fet. 

Fragile- Had every night of the three dry so far !!   I wake in the night thinking so far so good !! So sorry your scan was so crap, as has already been said they aren't the most pleasant things but being treated like that is awful    Remember it's quality not quantity , my dd was the result of 1 embryo transfered.

Emma- So sorry about your clinic's news re the donor sperm. 

Ah bless, dd keeps telling me she doesn't want to play on her own and wants a little girl to play with. I said you can't choose, she then says when you have a baby in your tummy... She asked if you can buy a baby from a shop, I then said how special she was and was in my tummy... They say the most touching things, it is upsetting but at the end of the day I can do no more than I am doing. 

Have a good weekend girls with our special little ones that keep us going through this journey.

Anyone going to the national infertility day?  Myself and 2 other girls are coming and staying over for 2 nights.

Love

spangle


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## fragile

Well spangle must have just been  you & me in with the TV nobody else was around! 

congrats on the dry nights!  wow dd was from i embie transfered.  theres a couple of people on the cycle buddies board who have 1 ET so will be sure to mention you next time im on to give them a bit of hope.  awww DD is so sweet, wish we could buy one from the shop sometimes!

Hope every one is fine, had a rotten night with DS woke at 4.30  finally put him in with us at 5.50 & he finally went to sleep at 6am, my alarm went off at 7am for me to do my jabs.

Last gonal F today!!! trigger shot tomorrow OMG!  EC is nearly here although it seems ages till tuesday!  well must get ready for work.  lucky DS & DH are still snoozing!!

lol  mo x


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## emma73

Tracey - so sorry you having such a rought time - please dont worry about being upset in front of your consultant - if they are any good then they will completely understand - I do hope you feel better soon. 

Spangle - thats a very cute story about your little one - so sweet, you are cycling at the moment? Hope its going well. Fragile - glad you are feeling better. 

I went for my scan/ blood test this morning. I was kept waiting for 30 mins because the nurse thought I was late as I didnt ring the door bell, I was beginning to think I had the wrong day!! San showed nice thinkish (11mm) lining and lovely big follicle - so a relief to see that with no drugs. Blood test shows I am at the peak of my cycle so I have to go in for ET on Monday at 12.30 IF the little blighter survies the thaw. 

Not feeling at all hopeful as I was reminded just before being scanned that it was unlikely to work - I thought it was 50/50 that it would survive - Dr said yes it is 50/50 - and in DR speak that obviouslt means unlikely. I fought the urge to put my knickers back on and save them the bother of scanning me. 

BUT - there are some folk on here who had success with FET from ONE embryo - and there is no reason I shouldnt be another - so fingers crossed. I have to phone the clinic at 11.30 on Monday to see if it survived. Oh Joy !

Suzy - how you getting on - I so love your stories of kangaroos in your garden - make me smile everytime. Hope the D/R is going well and that you can crack on with stimms after your next appointment.              Hope everything is gojng well for you too Alison - lots of luck. 

Scrufty ted - how are you?? Hope you have got used to the twins news - hope you are well. 

Hello to everyone I have missed - I'll be popping back on Monday if not before to let you know if I will be able to have the transfer - positive thoughts this way please  

Emma xx


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## Hun

Hello

Just a really quick one from me, and maybe a chance to catch up properly later. We are just back from a fab holiday on the greek islands - absolute bliss. Fab to have some quality time with Henry and Hunhubby.

Tracey - sorry to hear you are feeling poorly again.

Emma - A BFP has happened once - it can happen again. Sending you heaps of positive thoughts.

Mo- Good luck for EC! Will be thinking of you and hoping for lots of lovely eggs

Spangle - So sweet about your daughter - you are absolutely right - you can do no more.

Hi to everyone else
more later - my supper is ready now!
Hun xxx


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## fragile

AAAARG    just typed a bloody essay & it dissapeared AGAIN.  i hate it when that happens.  ok shortened version

Jackie thanks for reasuring me about grade 2 embies  & there was an article on the home page of FF saying how people who had only 1 hr rest then got back to usual after ET had higher success rate than those who had 4 days rest after ET so dont worry although i hope you get to put your feet up a little bit, stick barney or Thomas the tank on for half hr that should do it!!

CJ  my hospital was doing a trial last year about scanning whilst doing ET & they found no significant advantage so it isnt even offered as they dont see the point & my DS was result of no scan so not bothered about them not using it.

hello to everyone,  i cant be bothered to type anymore because i wrote loads then it vanished so fed up & switching it off - for now anyway! DH says im driving myself demented on here 3 times a day ha! ha!

lol  mo


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## Dixie

Hi everyone, just wanted to pop in and wish you all tons of  !!! I've got fingers and toes crossed for you all!!  Have a great weekend too!  Love, Dixie


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## Succotash

Hello all,

Have been trying to catch up with the thread.  You've all been very busy!

Scruffyted - what absolutely fantastic news.  I am so so pleased for you.  Sorry to read about your bleeding but I'm hoping you are getting the chance to rest up.  Not easy I know with a little one around.  Do keep us posted on how it's all going.  I enjoy reading the pg updates.  

Betty and Debbie - so glad to hear that your pgs are going well.  You must be moving soonish, Betty - good luck with that.   

Suzy - my goodness a natural pg whilst d/r.  So sorry that it all ended so soon.    Good luck with your current tx.  You must be starting stims fairly soon.  Your kangaroo stories are funny.  The only animals we get are a horrible fox and next door's wretched cats who poo everywhere.  (However they will soon get short shrift once our kitten is old enough! ..... can't wait   ).

Emma - well done for getting your transfer - your embie sounds nice and strong.  I have no wise words for the torture that is the 2ww I'm afraid.  Suffice to say will be keeping everything crossed for you.  

Fragile - glad to hear your transfer went well.  Ditto re the 2ww.  Everything's crossed.  

Tracey - sorry to hear of your health worries.  Hope the tests bear fruit and you can get better.  

Spangle - hope the b/l scan went OK and it's full steam ahead.  

CJ - All my ETs have been u/s guided.  It was explained to me that the full bladder forces the uterus up, so it straightens, thus making easier passage for the catheter.  I have a retroverted uterus so don't need it to be full.    The doctor gets the nurse to scan the abdomen so that he has a clear view of the uterus.  It's quite strange as you can make out the catheter going in and then a little burst of fluid as the embies are expelled.  This fluid shows up on the screen as a white mark.  A photo is taken.  I'm then rescanned after 10 mins to check that this 'white mark' has moved up into the uterus and another photo taken.  (Sorry for the essay!)  Glad to hear that you have a plan.  Egg share is a wonderful thing to do. 

Hun - Same to you re the egg share.  Good to hear that you've got it all scheduled between work commitments.

Encore - you must be about ready to get started.  Hope you get the green light.  

Big hi to Scoop, Dixie and anyone else I've no doubt missed.

Love Succotash


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## Succotash

Right OK, now for the 'me' bit!  And I must mind my manners and say thank you for the lovely supportive messages you've left on this board after I'd dived under the duvet.     

I must say I have not felt this good for months and months.  I've been back to see my therapist and she has helped me deal with my feelings and re frame my recent experiences.  I'll be continuing to see her for the next wee while.  It's been a huge relief to get my emotions out.  Very liberating and a massive relief not to be carrying around all that bagage any more.  Have also inadvertently lost about 5lbs which is a nice bonus.

I've had very productive and long conversations with our consultant and embryologist and after much deliberation, googling until my head swims and soliciting of opinions, we have decided to do our next cycle with PGS (pre-implantation genetic screening).  I'm on the waiting list but it looks like I'll go on BCPs with my next AF, so around about the end of June with EC scheduled for end July/start August.  My clinic are highly regarded in this field and it's been weird reading my consultant's quotes in the papers this last week, so I feel there is no better place in the UK for us to have this done.  

I also need to do whatever we can to increase our chances and I've been told that our chance of pg will increase if I do do it.  Importantly PGS does seem to carry a significantly reduced m/c rate and that in itself is hugely appealing as I don't ever want to go through another missed m/c and ERPC.  It's all a bit experimental still I guess but science is just a process that constantly evolves.  For us really, the genie is out of the bottle and we just need to give it a go.  It's taken a while to get to this point but I have to face the fact that at 40 I will have more embryos abnormal than normal and there is just no point in transferring embryos that look great but are genetically abnormal.  

Shall keep you all posted.  

Love Succotash


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## helenab

good to see you back Succotash

love Helena
X


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## fragile

succotash, you sound so bright & positive.  good luck with your next tx so good its not such a long wait for you

lol  mo x


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## suzy

Hi everyone,

Finally started stimms last night. Thank goodness . I have a blood test a week today. The way things are going though, its likely my EC may be on my 40th birthday - woopeee!!! That's lovely isn't it? 40, and stuck in a hospital having your eggs collected . Hmmmmmm, typical!

Yesterday, I braved a new baby meet up. Two of my friends have just had baby girls a month ago and it was so we could met them.  My good friend who is pg was there (didn't send her the letter in the end). I coped quite well, though I continue to feel upset about my friend - we hardly ever talk nowadays. I wonder if she is depressed - I know she feels really anxious about looking after a newborn when she has a very active toddler.

Will do personals later,

Suzy


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## fragile

Hi Suzy, i think that will be a brilliant way to spend a birthday (obviously not the pain & discomfort part) just imagine thats the day your eggs are fertilised how amazing.  our first cycle my ET was on DH birthday & we had DS. well done on braving the meeting the babies session.

Emma how you doing on 2ww?  im day 5 now & have convinced myself that i feel a little nauseous & have excess saliva & have spent the last 3 days (.)(.) checking (DH loving that part!)  i am even off chocolate which most amazes DH but of course i could just be wishful thinking & imagining it all so still on knicker watch & going slightly potty! 

horrible weather today took DS to the park to feed ducks & we got SOOOOOOO wet,  had to take his trousers off & wring them out before putting him back in car seat & pour the water out of his wellies, i waited till i got home to wring my trousers out, didnt fancy flashing my pins to the neighbours while running to the house.  havent laughed so much in ages & a hot chocolate soon warmed us up.  

who else is cycling at the moment?  i seem to have lost track its a bit quiet on here some times so i forget to pop over & have completely lost what everyone is up to

hope all is going well anyway

lol  mo x


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## emma73

Hi everyone - hope you are all well. 

I'm feeling very very flat - after my positive feeling at the start I am now convinced that the FET has not worked. I feel very sad about it already - I'm on day 8 and will do a home test on Sunday morning - IF no AF before then.

Fragile Your symptoms sound very positive - I dont have a single one - but then i dont think I had anything in my pregnancy untill WEEKS in - and that was with twins - all I can say is that I cant wait to find out one way or the other and get on with my life!!!

emma xx


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## fragile

Hi emma, sorry your feeling low i know i will be that way in a few days & im sure im imagining my signs.  my first preg i never had a single symptom either & i started off with twins too.

just want to ask if your around are you on cyclogest pessaries?  if so how much supply have you got.  i was told to test day 14 but they have only given me enough to last until night of day 12 so im a bit worried.

also first BFP they said continue to use for 12 further weeks & i had DS last cycle after BFP they said no longer needed to use after test date & 3 weeks later i had mc
if i get a BFP this time i was intending to insist they give me the extra 12 weeks supply but i hate phoning them & dont want to have to say i dont have enough to test day and then ask for more if i get BFP. cant belive im stressing about it but i suppose it stops me thinking about my bigger worry!!

Hang on in there Emma, like you said you didnt have a single sign with your PG so this could just be the same

lol  mo x


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## emma73

hi - quick reply from me - Luke likes keyboard. I havent been given any pessaries - not one. And when I got preggers last time I only had them for 2 weeks - then didnt get any more 

xxx


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## fragile

thanks, im going to stop stressing about it. i will just do the test tues which is the last day of my pessaries (day 13) then phone hos & see what they say.  my DS loves keyboard too!!
mo x


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## fragile

actually ive changed my mind im going to see practice nurse at GP & get a prescription for some because much as i say im going to stop stressing - im not!  im still going to test Tues though!! 

mo x


----------



## emma73

well - me again. Looks like its all over for me - I was due to test on Monday - but it apears that I have my period. Bright red blood anyway -seems a bit early for my period, but I'm not even going to entertain it being anything else. 

God this is hard.

Emma xx


----------



## Scoop

Hi All
Emma, so sorry to hear your news. Hang in there!!
Helena, good to be back on the thread with a familiar face! 
Well, AF arrived yesterday so I am booked in with clinic next wek to check I am suppressed and then I will start the GEEP cycle - is this what everybody calls it? I have tablets and pessaries - mmmm, Cyclogest, my favourite! I have been given enough to get me through two weeks but last time I took them for the first three months of pregnancy. I say anything that helps keep that precious embryo safe has got to be worth it even though they are the vilest things in the world!
We haven't told very many people this time - not sure why. i suppose that i worry that people might think I'm greedy for wanting another baby after we were so lucky last time. I have already had one reaction- but if it doesn't work, at least you have one. Well, yes, but I would so love a brother or sister for DS! ALso having been through the wonders of pregnancy/labour/those first few weeks I am desperate to do it again but know a bit more about what I am doing!!!
Hope this makes sense!
Anyway, must get lunch, DS is sleeping after being VERY grumpy this morning and might not stay in bed much longer.
Hi to everyone else.
Love
Scoop


----------



## helenab

hi everyobne

Emma, so sorry.  Hang on in there, you never know.  

Scoop, great news that you're starting soon.  fingers and toes crossed for you!

Mo, how are you doing?  No testing early!

how is everyone else?  it's quite quiet on here at the moment.  Hope everyone is well and just busy!

Just had scan and looks like EC will be saturday or Monday.  Got to go back again for bloods tomorrow to check levels as they are a bit low so may be monday in the end.  About 10 follies which is standard for me - I always seem to produce 10 whatever else happens!  Had some accupuncture with Zita West this afternoon whch was great but I just wish I didn't have to keep travelling 2.5 hours to the clinic and back.  

love Helena
XX


----------



## fragile

Emma hang on in there.  i had bright red blood day 9 last time & a really big bleed but they insisted i test day 13 & i got a BFP.  i did have early mc but you know there are plenty of women on here who have had a bleed & gone on to have a healthy pregnancy.  

i know its such torture for you.  thinking of you 

lol  mo x


----------



## emma73

I cant cope with this -I feel like I'm been played with.

I called the clinic yesterday to see when my persion was due and they said that it was a bit soon for my period and that the bleeding could be implantation bleed. So - being the numpty I am I tested yesterday and this morning and they were both BFN. But - the bleeding stopped - it literally was spotting (but thats how my period starts) and still nothing today unless I do a bit of digging  

I spent most of last night in tears - I'm not sure what to do or where to go from 
here -I find the negatives so difficult to cope with as they make me think of Zac and why I want another baby in the first place. I know I cant replace him, but the fact is I wouldnt be trying for another had he not died. I'm trying to replace a little of whats been lost by providing a brother or sister for Luke - so he can have a sibling. SO even though it wouldnt be Zac he would still have that relationship in his life.

By continuing on the TTC journey I think it cushions the blw as there is always a little hope that there will be another baby and what I'm so terrified is going again and getting another BFN and thgt being it - the finality of that is so terrifying for me. Sometimes I think tis best to decide to stop rather than being forced to stop after asnother negative as then I could come to terms with it in my own time - but then I think I have to give it another go. 

This is so difficult - I am also finding that I'm getting really angry - and of course I'm still angry about everything related to my prem labour. My god - I'm so sorry for this post - I just needed to offload. I really  am feeling a bit lost.

Fragile - thanks for your post - and I have my fingers crossed fro you that you get a different result to me - best of luck. 


Emma xx


----------



## suzy

Hiya everyone,

Emma - that's what happened to me on my last FET - I started spotting several days before my period was due - it was probably 4 or 5 days before. The first thing I thought was that it was really odd. Then I convinced myself it was an implantation bleed. It ended up being a chemical pg. I hope yours is just implantation. Anyway sending you lots of hugs as you seem to be having a really hard time. Have just read your last post which you posted after I wrote this and wanted to say how sad I was that you are feeling bad. I really hope it works out for you (not least because if you get a bfp then I will too!! )

Helena - good luck for your ec. 2 and a half hours - wow thats a real hike!

Scoop - Great that you are starting soon. I've never heard of the GEEP cycle. What is it?

Fragile - sorry you're stressing so much. I wish the clinics would have some sort of consensus on the cyclogest. I only had it until test day too when I got my bfp - the cons seemed very reluctant for me to have any more. 

Succotash - wonderful that you are feeling better again and fab about the 5 lbs. Its really amazing that a therapist can help in this way. I'm really interested about PGS - what exactly is it? Also interested in you saying you need to do everything you can to increase your chances. Did you find anything else to do? I get a bit mixed up I think between PGS and PGD. 

CJ - Hi there - glad things are ticking along.

I'm happily injecting gonal f - on day 5 at the moment and feeling nothing. Going out to dinner tonight with some old colleagues of mine and might sneak in a glass of wine  I've started working three days a week as well, which is good for me - completely takes my mind off anything else I might be ruminating about. 


Hi to everyone else.

Love,

Suzy


----------



## scruffyted

Hi

I am sorry I haven't been posting for a while but sadly I had a miscarriage and have lost both babies, we are heartbroken. We have cried many many tears and we are trying to move forward. We feel that we cannot put ourselves emotionally or financially through this all again, so we feel that this is the end of the road for us. We are so very blessed to have our DS and he is our world. We wanted him to have a sibling/s but we are trying to think positive in that he knows no difference, he has lots of friends we see regularly and we will have a good life just the 3 of us.

I am sorry not to do personals, just so sad. I am thinking of you all and I wish you all lots of luck and hope your dreams come true.

love
Scruffyted xx


----------



## emma73

Scruftyted - I am so so sorry for your loss. I really dont know what to say to you - your heart must be breaking in two. 

I really wish there was something I could say to make things better for you - but sadly there isnt - please look after your self - and remember we are all here for you should you want to chat.

All my love to you and your dh. 

Emma xx


----------



## fragile

Scruftyted

so sorry for the loss of your babies.   

Emma how are you holding up hun?  

thinking of you both

lol  mo x


----------



## CJ

Oh Scruftyted god that is so heartbreaking   I don't know what to say,  this is just too awful and sad, I'm so sorry sweetheart I truly am , sending you all my love, your such a wonderful person and always give such support and kindness to other, there is no justice in this world 

If you ever need a shoulder you know where I am 

Thinking of you 
CJ


----------



## suzy

Scruffyted,

The world can be so cruel sometimes. I am so so sorry that this has happened. I feel so shocked and sad for you. You must be heartbroken as Emma says - there are not the words.

Thinking of you and your ds. 

Love 


Suzy


----------



## Succotash

Scruffyted, I am so so sorry that you have had to go through this.  And I am so sorry that your babies died.      You must feel as though your heart had been ripped out and stamped on.  My deep condolences to you and DH.

I know you will be feeling very raw and for a very long time.  I wish I could do something constructive for you. 

I will be keeping you in my thoughts,

Much love, Succotash


----------



## Cuthbert

Oh Scruffyted, I'm so, so sorry to read your news. How awful for the three of you to have to go through this and to lose your precious and so very wanted babies. 

Thinking of you.

love Jules


----------



## emma73

Hi - just a quick update on me - I feel very insensitive given the awfulnews from Scruftyted - but I'm going crazy. My period still hasnt materialized. Do you think it really could be implantation bleed? I feel like my body is playing tricks on me - especially after BFN this morning. But then I'm only on day 11 with day 1 being day of transfer. 

Could be too soon??

Thanks for your reply Suzy - and Fragile - I'm going nuts.

hello to everyone else - Scruftyted, you are in my thoughts hun. 

Emma xxx


----------



## fragile

Emma yes i do think its too early my hos say day 13 at the earliest so fingers crossed all will be well when you re test.  & it does sound like it could be implantation.  sorry got to dash DH wailing

mo xx


----------



## encore

emma hope its good news for you.
scruffy, sorry for your loss. both of them.


----------



## spangle

Hello ladies,

Scruffyted- I am so very sorry I am speechless.   :' (Why do these sad things happen and break hearts ?. Sending you hugs  and huggles.

Emma- I had what appeared to be an early period which was implantation bleed. Hoping you have a different result and it becomes positive.  Sorry this 2ww is so tough it plays with your head- towards the end it is the fear of what ifs and maybes that can send you stirr crazy. I love the hope and dreams and hate it when it is over unless of course the dreams continue. 

Mo- How are you doing ? 

Suzy- All the best this go, enjoy the sanity of injecting!

Helena- Is it Saturday for egg collection? Fingers crossed for you. 

I have started pill popping now on count down to transfer. Taking estrodial tablets and have day 11 scan week on Saturday. Consultant has said he has given it some thought and my day 3 frosties are going to be thawed and taken to blast stage. Have 5 at present clinic and am going to collect other 8 from previous clinic and bring to clinic. Trying to think of how to explain this dry shipper that is used to transport (looks like a milk churn) to dd as she will be with me and it has to be strapped into car !! Any suggestions welcome. 

Is a bit of a freaky thing transporting them !! I am pleased we are trying blasts again as gives me more hope.

Hello everyone else,

love

Spangle


----------



## fragile

Emma just re read that hasty message i posted last night of course i meant DS was wailing not DH! 

hope the bleeding has held off & you are managing to stay positive.  one of the women on a thread i post on was told to test day 11 & got BFN but when she tested 3 or 4 days later it turned to BFP so looks like a late implanter & that is hopefully the case with you.  fingers crossed for you   

Spangle sorry no suggestions on the milk churn!   wow what a lot of frosties you have you lucky thing.    

i only have 2 frozen straight away & i got a letter yesterday to say the others were not good enough to survive a thaw so were discarded.  have to say my clinic never used to immediately freeze any under 10 & being as ive never had 10 embies i never had any frosties, they have now changed the policy to freezing straight away if over 5 as they felt they were wasting a lot .  made me a bit cross as we could have had some banked last time instead of always having to pay for a fresh cycle & if the success rate for embies making it to grade 1 & being able to be frozen is so low they should have frozen a couple  straight away last time. i kind of feel like it was just a good way for them to make the extra money by people having to have fresh cycles all the time.  of course if i get a successful BFP & a healthy baby from this i will completely not give a hoot about there policy!

hope everyone is staying positive & calm (im not!!!)

lol  mo


----------



## emma73

Another  quick update from me - af arrived in full force last night at 3am. I'm devestated but I am relasing that its more to do with Zac than the fact that I'm not pregnant. 

As soon as I had my boys I got myself back on the waiting list and by trying for another baby I am trying to replace some of what has been lost - but I feel like an utter failure - like anything living put inside me just dies. its just grief on top of grief - not sure if I can do it again, but the alternative is facing up to the loss of Zac - and I dont know how to. 

Sorry for the ME post AGAIN, must be boring the socks of everyone.

Fragile - I really hope you get a BFP when you test. Fingers and toes crossed for you. 

Spangle- best of luck with your frosties - its interesting this blast thing - my clinic dosent do it. Wonder why.

Suzy - hope your still going ok - I admire your strength to go through so many cycles - I admire you very much. 

Helloo to everyone else - and thanks for all the support.
I'll still be posting here - I havent decided its a definite no yet and I would be due to start in August. Still- dont have the £3,200 yet!

Any how - bye for now xx

Emma xx


----------



## fragile

Emma im so sorry. 

i have just started bleeding too the same stage as last time i know i got my BFP last time even though i was bleeding heavily but i then spent 6 weeks having MC & i just cant cope with going through that again.  

mo x


----------



## omnad

Dear Scruffyted,
I was so sorry to read your news, I wish all 3 of you the best.
It is so brave to know when to stop trying.
I hope you will be feeling better soon.
lots of love
Sharon[br]Posted on: 26/05/06, 10:42Hi girls,
I haven't posted for ages as am not really trying, but been reading your posts and was so sorry to hear scruffyted news, so sad for her and dh.

Emma- so sorry for you, hope you find your way at this difficult time. 
take some time for you, dh and ds.

Suzy- hope this is the one, you have been through so much this year.

I am sorry, not really up to date, lots of luck to everyone.
Jules you must be starting soon...

Quick update from me, we are moving in 2 months to wiltshire/gloucestershire, south of Cirencester. Up to now all have gone smoothly, so something must go wrong. 
we sold our house and found a lovely 5 bed cottage. found a school and a nursery and a job, so fingers cross all is going well.
We have decided not to decide untill we move if we are going for another ICSI. I think because we lost the baby last year, we feel we need to give it one last chance. It is now coming to year after the termination so I am probably too emotional. 
The boys are doing well and very excited with the new house.

Sharon xxx


----------



## helenab

Scruffyted, I am so so sorry to read your news and just stunned.  Sending you lots of love and hugs

Emma, I am gutted for you.  sending you lots of hugs too.

Hi to everyone else, how are you all?  it has been quiet on here!

Not much to report here but have EC on bank holiday monday.  Fingers crossed for enough to go to blast.

lots of love
Helena


----------



## encore

hi everyone.  went for mid cycle scan today and all looks normal.  i think i'll start sniffing on day 21 although as always my clinic never tell you what their plans are for you until the very last minute.  the doctor said something about FSH being 'a bit high' (it was 9 on day 2) so perhaps they'll think about the short protocol.  but i have no idea.  so doing the ovulation pee sticks and when i get the ovulation surge i'll go in for a blood test a few days after.  and then its back in the boxing ring (i recon thats a better analogy than rollercoaster - you either duck and weave, or get the $hit punched out of you...)


----------



## Hun

Sorry only a few personals... I am just back from another trip.

Scruffyted - I am so so sorry.       My heart breaks for you.

Emma - sorry to hear about the BFN

Helena - Good luck for Monday

Hello and hugs to everyone else, will post properly soon.
Hun xx


----------



## fragile

Well my AF seems to have come in full force now after just spotting yest.  did a test this morning & of course BFN not due to test till Wed but have been feeling sick for so long now was hoping had been an early implanter & given me some sign.  still full of false hope as last time i bled from day 9 got a BFP & then just didnt stop bleeding till mc finished 6 weeks later so i know it is possible to bleed this much & get BFP.  wish i wasnt full of false hope would be easier to accept it failed so i could move on but 5 long days to wait now - sorry for being miserable

mo x


----------



## encore

dont be sorry fragile.


----------



## emma73

Hi Fragile - I hope that your feeling ok - I hope you can managed to hol on to your test day and then get a bfp!

Lots of love Emma x


----------



## spangle

Hello,

Scruffyted- You are in my thoughts.   

A Saturday night in- makes a refreshing change ! Only joking, DH has gone out for a few beers ! Next Sat we are going to a Belgium Beer night, they have wine as well ! Thank goodness I have not had transfer yet !  

Fragile -hang on in there honey not long to go. Thinking of you. 

Emma- Hope you are ok ? 

Helena- All the best for Monday. 

Well I have posted on FET board as have got a really difficult situation. My old clinic have 8 of our frosties and I need them at my new clinc. I have spoken to RSH (my old clinic) they were fine. I then recieved a call yesterday they said I have to pay an admin charge of £107 pounds to get the embryos. We have already paid for their storage till Nov 2006 that fee was £107. I have got a shipper from my present clinic and have just got to collect them to take them. I was not happy about this, surely they can't suddenly change things with out informing us ? Have any of you had experience of this ?

Have a good weekend everyone,

love

Spangle


----------



## emma73

Hi Spanlge - I have no idea about if your clinic can do this - I think they sometimes make things up as they go along -how annoying.

Fragile - I hope you are ok.

Erm - things have gone from bad to worse here -me and my partner have run straight into more arguments - and this monring I discovered that my partner dosent want to do another IVF. I have spent two days stessing aboput where to get the money from and worrying about it all - and I needent have bothered as its not an option any way. I havent felt so completely alone or poweless for a long long time. 

I think this could really be the beginning of the end for us. 

xx


----------



## fragile

Emma i am so sorry you have this extra stress. its a very emotional time for both of you & i know DH & i went through similar things last cycle.  i really hope things work out for you, it is such a big emotional roller coaster to be on & he has just seen you go through an immense amount of stress, hurt & discomfort of treatment & maybe doesnt want you to put yourself through that again.  

our automatic response is how soon can we do it again & i think men tend to be able to step back a bit & think that not doing it again would stop the short term pain in terms of treatment & emotional stress & hurt of a failed cycle they are just totally unable to look at the bigger picture of how much worse it feels thinking that you will never try again & have that chance of having the family you always dreamed of.  maybe a cooling off period will help it is so soon after TX i hope you can talk through it all & that it really isn't the beginning of the end.- we are all here when you need us so please dont feel alone.


spangle at the end of the day if they say they want you to pay they will make you pay as they are holding you embies to ransom but you can certainly make it very clear that it is appalling for them to ask for further money & ask where in any literature you were given it states there would be any extra fees.  maybe it will shame them into backing down - hope so this malarkey is expensive enough without having the odd 100 quid added on!

well AF is now gone past the point of me thinking i will get a miracle, will do my test on WEd then phone the clinic as planned, at least this has given me time to grow used to the awful truth so i can hold off from blubbing when i phone them.

hope everyone else is ok
lol  mo x


----------



## Hun

Sending hugs to you Mo - I am sorry that its not looking good. 

Emma - I am thinking of you. All of this is so dreadfully hard. Take some time out to collect your thoughts and maybe your DP will feel different a bit further down the line. I know that my DH feels terrible guilt seeing what I have to go through and every time we discuss treatment its his only reservation.... 

Hun xx


----------



## emma73

Hi girls - thanks for the support. i have had a glass (or 3) of wine and needless to say am feeling a little better. I feel I should say that my partner is female - and she is terrifed I will leave her for a man as I dont think I really am "infertile" as I have only ever tried to get pregnant throught tx - so she worries I will just leave and find a nice man with some good sperm!. I wont though - we have been through too much for that! 

I feel that this thread has become a bit of a "me" thread - and I'm really sorry. I dont know what I would do or where I would go if it wasnt for FF.  

Emma xx


----------



## encore

no problem emma.  go one, have another wine.  matter of fact, mind if i join you??  i've only got the stuff i use for cooking but what the hell....


----------



## Mary M

Hi guys I have a five month old baby that was concieved naturally 6 months after they told me that it would never happen and now I am desperate to have another one, my biggest fear is that I am getting older and so are my eggs (apparently they are depleteing as I speak).......I love my son dearly he has really enhanced my life and become my sole purpose for being, however I would dearly love another baby as I feel that my family would be complete.  My DH and I are agreed that we want another baby however he says that it is up to me when we start trying but I don't think that he realises that I have not been taken any thing since Anthony was born......
How long should I try naturally before I see a doctor? any ideas? I am living in Dubai at the moment is there anyone near here? originally Irish lived in London for 19 years.....adjusting to a strange new life not working and staying at home its a privilige to be able to watch my little boy grow every day, but I really want another baby.  Although I hate the idea of being prg it was terrifying last time, but I would go through it again to have another little baby.  I am delighted to have found this thread as I do not feel alone anymore.
thanks guys
x


----------



## suzy

Hi Everyone,

One of these days, I'm going to have a "  to ivf and infertility party" - only those thoroughly p...d off with it and at the end of their tether - copious amounts of wine necessary for admission. I"ll schedule it on chat - we can all get together with a few glasses of wine.  . I'll be getting blotto in the morning though because of the time difference!  - me with a can of XXXX!!!!

Emma  - I think what fragile says is so true, that our loved ones feel powerless, and hate seeing us hurt repeatedly. And your dp has seen a lot of hurt with you resulting from ivf, so it doesn't surprise me that she said that. But its in the heat of the moment, and our natural instinct is to try again straight away, to lessen the hurt. Your situation is so unique, because of what happened with Zac, and your relationship with your dp, that it must sometimes feel you are out on a limb and that no-one understands your pain.

You have had so much loss - the loss of Zac I'm sure was bigger than any of us can comprehend, and your pain at subsequent IVF failure must be all tangled together with the pain of his loss, but at the same time, you have a baby resulting from all this pain, so its no wonder that its hard to reconcile your emotions and that its taken its toll on your relationship.

I have no words of wisdom really to help lessen your pain, just that I find if I process my pain and feel it, then it lessens with time - people tell me though, that you never get over the pain of the loss of a child, but you do live again. I have been seeing a therapist for nearly 6 years, who has helped me enormously over this time, and I'm also on anti-depressants, which have helped me a lot too. Makes me sound like a complete nutter , but in actual fact, I a pretty much together in my head most of the time, and resilient because of it - but I certainly wasn't born like that . I think the "processing" of pain is really important to enable us to move on, and I wonder if you have been able to do that?

There is a book I have read that I would recommend to you called "Conquering infertility", by Alice Domar. It has a few chapters that are very pertinent to you - it doesn't tell you how to conquer infertility, rather how to cope with treatment. I got my copy on Amazon.

Fragile - you said a few things that really resonate with me. Firstly was "time to grow used to the awful truth", and secondly the phrase "wish i wasnt full of false hope would be easier to accept it failed so i could move on". I am so like that. I hate feeling false hope and for this reason, I find it very difficult to be postive. Being negative is like a defence against hurt. And I hate being pitied and feeling a fool for hoping. I'm very sorry your cycle didn't work out. Its a real bummer isn't it?

Mary M  - hi and welcome. There is a woman living in Dubai on this board. She is on the going abroad for treatment thread - here http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,56707.0.html. In fact I see there is more than one. I don't post there, but I notice I am at the top of the list !!!!! . I think Mary, that if having another baby is what you really want, then I would pursue it aggressively. See a doctor now if you can. I started having IVF after TTC for only 1 year, with an unexplained diagnosis, but was successful on our first IVF try. How glad I am that I did it - it was the best thing I ever did and the best money I ever spent. It might not work out for you, but if it doesn't, then at least you can say you have given it your best shot.

Encore  - Hi and hope you are going OK. It is a bit like a boxing ring, I agree.

Spangle - can't answer your question sorry. It does seem a bit rich though, the extra cost - I hate hidden costs.

Sher  - glad to hear from you and congratulations on your house, it sounds lovely.

Scruffyted  - my thoughts are with you 

Me - well my cycles gone awry a bit. I'm on day 9 of 187 of gonal F. I've been bleeding a bit, and they said that could be due to a low oestrogen, so I had it tested and it was 300ish on day 5 of stims, which I think they did think was a bit low. I've been asked to continue on the same dose though, and am having another test tomorrow. Looks like EC won't be my birthday, but will be maybe Monday ( a day my dh really can't take off - would be like that wouldnt' it?). OMG I'm turning 40 - it really feels lilke the end of the road for me 

Hi to everyone else and people I haven't mentioned.

Love,

Suzy


----------



## Succotash

Hi all,

Fragile - So sorry to read that things aren't looking hopeful. It totally sucks. 

Helena - Good luck with EC today. Fingers crossed for loads of good embryos. 

Emma - So sorry to read of your negative result and the high emotions as a result. You've got heaps on your plate right now. Hope this isn't over-stepping the mark but have you ever seen a therapist/counsellor? It's not for everyone, but I agree with what Suzy says. It's the only place where I can safely articulate my emotions and fears. Friends, family and partners can listen (well let's face it they don't always do they) but it's just not the same. Even the simple stuff, you know where they don't want you to cry because they don't want you to be upset because _they_ can't deal with you being upset, so it all ends up being about _them_ ..... so you hold back on expressing yourself.

Spangle - It might be worth while checking with the HFEA to see if the clinic can reasonably charge you this fee (answer is probably yes) though it is a bit odd that it happens to be the same as a year's storage .... As for what to tell DD about the milk churn, well with DS I'd tell him I was collecting special medicine for mummy's tummy or something like that. But he is only 2.5 so younger than your DD. 

Mary - Hi and welcome to the thread. I'd just go for it if that's what you want. Are your cycles back to a normal pattern? Are you ovulating? Did you b/f? It can take a while for things to settle down after the birth. If you're sure you are ovulating and you are bd'ing frequently enough at the right time and nothing happens in a couple of months, I'd go get checked out. 

Sher - Great to hear from you.

Suzy - Great to read that there's another therapy junkie on the thread.  I started seeing my therapist when I was 24, so <coughs ashamedly>, 16 years ago. Haven't counted the cost, best not to ....... You asked about PGS, well that's screening for aneuploidy. So a cell is removed from the embryos on day 3 then screened for 6 chromosomes and X and Y. So it is just a screen but it will mean that otherwise good looking but genetically comprosmised embryos are not transferred. It's believed that these 6 plus X and Y account for about 80% - 90% of implantation failures/chemicals/miscarriages/syndromes that are fatal/syndromes that are compatible with life. There's a thread on the 40+ section where a couple of us have been discussing the ins and outs of it all. Hope your E2 starts behaving. The 40 thing was no big deal for me and I didn't celebrate it in any special way, though I have found the 'at your age' comments from my clinic a bit annoying. Never got them when I was 39 and 364 days old!

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all well.

Love Succotash


----------



## emma73

Hi everyone. 

Fragile - I hope you are holding up ok - I knew I felt better after all the torture thinking the start of AF was implantation bleeding to finally know it was my af. I hope you may feel a little like that too - but of course it sucks!

Hun - thanks for your wee message of support - hope you are ok. 

Encore - thanks for joining me in my booze up  

Mary - welcome to the thread - personally I would be on to the clinic straignt away - even if just to get in the system - if you know what I mean. 

Suzy - thanks for your message - you are such a supportive lovely person - and thanks to you too Succotash - i dont need therapy as long as I can come here! But seriously - i may look into it at some point - not sure if I'm ready.

Suzy - what does it mean if you have low oestrogen?? I hope it makes no difference and you get that BFP - its not the eed of the road yet - you have just had a bio chemical - surely this will be the one for you!!

Succotash - did you watch the family man on BBc 1 recently ?? Is the thing your having done the same thing that they used for sex selection? Just curious!

Well - I was at the clinic this morning - felt like a total waste of time. I had Luke with me and the place was full and I felt a bit bad for the first time. All these people looking steeling glances at Luke probably envying me - I wanted to say - "dont envy me - we have had a hard time!" But all they probably saw was a lovley toddler!!

So we went into a room for my blood test only to be kicked out of that room by a Dr and a couple -  the place is TOO BUSY!! Before I phoned I had a last minute stab iof hope that I had it all wrong, that it wasnt my period but just some hefty implantation bleeding and that I was pregnant - how dozy is that!! of course it was a BFN.

I am down for tx in August - BUT have been told that there is like - NO SPERM. So I have to call in July to see if I can go ahead. There are two women who were due for TX this month that havent been able to have it due to no sperm - so I guess a backlog is building up too. And the price has gone up - thought it was £3,200 but its now £3,750. 

I feel totally fine - me and dp had a big chat and we can go ahead - BUT I'm really not sure if I should call it a day. There are just so many things to consider, how many embryos to transfer, possible prem labour, different bio father to Luke, Lukes donor is anonymous- this one isnt, uncernanty of if can have tx any way, money etc etc blah blah 

Answers on a postcard please. Am thinking of looking into tx abraod - wonder if its a possibility?? 

right I'm sure I have bored you all to tears - so I'm off.

Hello to everyone I have missed xx

Emmaxxxxxxxx


----------



## fragile

oops - sorry Emma just assumed your DP was male.  i do remember you conceived using donor sperm as you said it was sad any children wouldnt have the same father, you really do have a lot to deal with.  its so good you & DP have had a chat & cleared things up so that if YOU decide to go ahead you have her support.  such a lot of things you have to consider poor you & a sperm shortage on top of everything else. i wonder at the logistics of tx abroad would you have to spend over a month there i wonder, dregging then having scans then EC & ET? hmmmm. anyway we are all here for you & you havent bored me!

like you i was at first thinking maybe  a miracle & this was almighty implantation but after what ive been losing there is no doubt although will do the test on Wed because the hospital will ask if ive done one & then on wed night i am going to have several glasses of wine, my first drink since 1st march. 

Suzy i will be at that party just say the date!!!!

have just found out that FET is going to cost £1,000  which we dont have, thought it was half that amount which we would struggle to find £1,000 is going to cripple us even more.  DH said bloody hell why not find the extra 2 more & have a fresh cycle? (although he wasnt serious just highlighting how expensive it is compared to fresh cycle)

Mary - wow does your babe sleep through the night? have to say a sibling wasnt something i thought of until my DS was around 1 years old.  i would go to docs now as everyone has waiting lists to be seen & although it is quicker when fee paying it could still be a couple of month from initial consultation before any tests/examinations are done so may as well get sorted asap.

Helena EC today?  good luck hope all went well & you get some great embies.  

thanks to everyone who posted lovely messages, i have pretty much accepted the failure of this cycle & i know i only dont feel so desperate because i have 2 embies in the freezer, when the time comes to thaw, if they fail, i will fall apart.  still slightly hanging out for a BFP on wed but only slightly 

hope all well with everyone else

lol  mo x


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Thank you for your messages-am finding life very hard at the moment, I cannot accept that we will never have another baby, am so so sad and heartbroken. WHY WHY WHY!!!

Sorry to post here but feel so lost and don't want to post anywhere else.  

Emma and fragile-i am so so sorry that it wasn't good news for you both. My heart goes out to you both.

Suzy-Good luck for egg collection, i hope you had a lovely birthday. I have a friend who had her first baby at 40 and her second at 43-40 is the new 30!! 

Hi to everyone else.

love scruffyted xx


----------



## emma73

Its good to see you Scruftyted -  I cant imagine how lost you must be feeling, but its good to see you posting again. You know you can rant, shout and stamp your feet as much as you need to and we will understand.

Fragile -  no need to apologise - only natural to assume I'm with a man! Cant beleive your FET will be £1,000 I dont know how they justify these prices. All they need to do is thaw them, have a look at them and pop them inside you!!  IF you do need to go ahead for the FET how soon will you go for it??

Suzy - did I miss your birthday?? Sorry-  even when I'm posting a bit like a freak I cant keep up lol!!! 

Emma xxxx


----------



## Hun

Hi Girls,

Well I promised a catch up, but there have been so many long posts I don't think I'll manage it.

Scruffyted - Posts here for as long as you want to sweetie. How are you feeling? I can understand that it hard to accept that it may be the end of the line. Maybe its just all too early for those kind of decisions, sometimes its OK not to have any sort of plan at all, and just take some time out for the wounds to heal. Your angels will always be with you, but in time the pain may be little less raw. I am thinking of you, and wish that I could offer more than a cyber hug, glass of wine and box of kleenex.

Suzy - Sorry to hear your cycle is not going as planned this time around. I hope it all sorts itself out soon. So when IS your birthday? Hope you can get the logistics of next Monday sorted out too.

Succotsh - Great to see you posting here again - and really glad that you have a strategy. it feel good to have an element of control back. I really hope that you are successful.

Emma - hope you are doing OK, and so sorry about your disappointment this time. I know what you mean about that glimmer of hope right until the last moment - I think its only natural to cling on to the hope of something that we covet so much. Final letting go and admitting to yourself 'it failed this time' is never easy. I found it so muych harder than I thought I would when my cycle failed last year. I think my expectations will be a bit more measured this time.

Mo - Lets hope for a miracle on weds! I agree that FET seems disproprtionately expensive for the expertise involved. Yet another good reason to take embies onto blastocysts if possible as far as I can see. 

Hi mary and welcome to the thread. I knew the day I had my son, that I couldn't comprehend the thought of only having the one child. So go for it girl...!

I have said this before I think, but contrary to many of the ladies on here, I have found the broodiness has lessened a little with time. I think it was all the pregnancy b/f hormones still in my body earlier on. Now, although I would still love another child, the thought that it may not happen is more comprehensible somehow. I think there was a realisation for me when Henry hit some major milestones, crawling, walking etc, and when I went back to work, that this could be my only chance at being a mum, and now I try and fill every day with enjoying the good things in my life, and not thinking so much about another baby. Even now, I think about two line on a pg test often, but do not allow my mind to wander further than that. Perhaps its just a self protection mechanism.
I hope that makes sense to some, and doesn't offend anyone.

Helena- Hope you got loads of lovely eggs today and aren't too sore.

Hi to all our Pg friends, Betty, Karen (you must be due soon?), Dixie, Bev, Clare, Cookies, and anyone else I've forgotton.
And Hi to everyone else!!

I am d/r again, so back on the rollercoaster for me. Not feeling v hopeful this time around - its illogical given that what we are about to do will be an exact copy (I hope) of the protocol where I concieved Henry. Last time we kept all the eggs, had blasts, maximised our chances (well according to the stats) and were still unsuccessful. I keep thinking well if we weren't successful with all of that then we certainly won't be this time. then I remind myself that lots of thi game is about chance and the roll of the dice. Ho hum.....think I'll be around for a while longer......

Love Hun xx


----------



## helenab

Hi everyone,

just a quickie from me as I'm a bit sore still and want to rest while Sienna is with our childminder (will do proper post later).  EC was okay - 13 eggs, 9 mature and just found out that 7 fertilised.  Planning for day 3 transfer but really really really really hoping for day 5 blast transfer as that is what worked for us with Sienna.  Anyway, they say 7 embryos does not guarantee a blastocyst so we'll see.  

lots of love, sorry for 'me' post but as i say, will do big one later!

love Helena
XX


----------



## fragile

Helena, congrats on all your eggs & your 7 embies.  hope all goes well for you    

Emma how are you feeling?  i was wondering why is it you do ivf rather than iui if your using donor sperm?  wouldnt it be cheaper to try iui? will they not let you do that?  we wont be doing FET any time soon after finding out its £1000.  just been on to the bank to see if we can re mortgage so we can clear the loan & credit card for our last 2 attempts but would make our payments HUGE  but im sure we will find a way even if we live on beans on toast for the next 6 months!

Hun i fully understand what your saying & maybe it is a self protection thing & i too try not to imagine to much but looking at DS running around today just made me feel heartbroken that he may be an only child but it is all mixed in with how much joy i feel at being made a mummy in the first place when there are heartbreaking stories on here from women who have tried & tried so many times and never had their little miracle. 

scruffyted i do feel a bit odd posting on here but as im not actually doing a test until tomorrow i will carry on. i know there is a failed tx thread but feel awful if i posted on there as i have DS, is there a failed tx thread under the hoping for another miracle? gues we could always start one.

suzy hope your follies are growing well  

hope everyone is ok 

lol  mo x


----------



## spangle

Hello,

Suzy- I'll join your party    as long as no pineapple juice or brazil nuts !!   How is the Kangaroo poo ! So much better than cat poo like we get !! How is the stimming going ?

Emma- Glad you and dp have been able to sort things out. The increase in price is just so rediculous and I think is a major stress factor. No matter what our circumstances we are all ultimately trying to achieve the same thing and on a very painful journey that has really s~~t lows  and the most amazing highs with no guarantees at all !

Helen- Good news so far, fingers crossed for blasts for you. 

Hun- Good luck down regging. We can never give up hope, like you say so much is down to chance/luck. Sometimes it feels like odds are it should work. I can never give up hope but try to cushion the blow when it fails by not expecting it to work but deep down there is the dream that keeps us all hanging on. I am clinging to the hope of blast fet this time. 

Scruffyted-   So what things are you up to over this half term ? DD is now dry at night it is amazing, I just bit the bullet and went for it a fortnight ago. I am focussing on her 4th Birthday next month in order to forget about my iminent fet !

Mo- Stay here on this thread because I couldn't move to a failed treatment thread as I would be queen of failed goes and that would really depress me.    They could ask me to moderate !!! Our little miracles are what keep us going on this rollercoaster and at times help us to appreciate our situations and then shed a tear as we want a sibling/s for them.

Mary- Hello and welcome.

Succotash- How are you? Have checked HFEA guidelines, aren't really any regarding this. DH and I have mailed clinc manager. 

I am going tomorrow, have told dd we are off to see some of my friends. She has seen milk churn as dh brought it home. Is actuallly quite discreet as in a hold all. I am just saying we are taking it to some of my friends. Am not sure what reception will be like tomorrow at RSH clinc but hey ho. I feel like a suprehero on a mission regarding tomorrow- A Secret agent on a mercy dash with such precious cargo ! A bit freaky as when we collect them there are potential siblings in the car with us !!!


Hope you are enjoying football !!  

Hello everyone,

Catch up soon

spangle the superhero -


----------



## fragile

well as i thought BFN.  ive had the last 5 days to get used to the idea but still gutted of course.

spangle- the milk churn have you got it plugged in somewhere or is it a big battery powered freezer?  thought you would pick it up from the one place then take it straight to the other hospital. think that would freak me out having them in the house, would be up all night sitting with them checking the light or whatever hadnt gone out.!!   hope you get some joy & from the clinic & they change their mind about the fee.

anyway think i might go back to work tomorrw, my sick note doesnt run out till 4th june but no point sitting in the house on my own moping around & DH goes back tomorrw, might be the best thing if work accept me back before my sick note runs out. cant believe in all the time ive had off its just rained rained rained & now im thinking of going back its beautiful & sunny -sods law

hope everyone is ok

lol  mo x


----------



## emma73

Hi everyone. 

Mo -I'm so sorry you got that BFN in the end - big hugs to you. The reason I need IVF is becuase I had 12 cycles of DI and my clinic dont offer IUI. Obvoiusly the DI failed   so IVF was the next step. 

Helena - congrats on all those lovely eggs - well done! 

Spangle - - hope you got on ok today - is this you transporting your frosties to your new clinic? Hope all went well. 

Hun - I know its almost  impossible but try and stay positive - as you say you have been pregnant before and can be pregnant again.

Suzy - hows is going ?? Hope all is well - did you say when your birthday is?? Is there anyone else on this thread as dizzy as me   anyhow - happy birthday !!

New development for me - I have an appointment for egg share at the Cromwell clinic at Darlingotn on the 13th of June (maybee I should change it to the 14th??). I called them yesterday and asked about egg share - got some info today and have been offered a free consultation. its a Bit far away - but I have realtives about 100 miles away - so I could stay with them - IF they accept me.  I would only have to pay that bloomin HFEA fee and for the sperm - but hey at least they have some!! Beats £3,750. BUT - I havent had the most massive ammouts of eggs on my IVF cycles so I think they may say no - but I did tell the co-ordinator that.Only time will tell. 


Hello to eveyone I have missed  - hope you are all well xx

Emma xx


----------



## fragile

wow- egg sharing, i think that is such an amazing thing to even think about doing. ive got a follow up on the 13th june too! hope you didnt mind me asking about why ivf -sorry was just wondering, i have no other options than icsi so dont know much about other tx.

hope everyone is ok, i only posted this morning of course so just a quickie.  i have decided to go back to work tomorrow & am looking forward to it.  if i stayed at home i know i will just mope & get really depressed & i dont want to feel like that. usually i wallow in my own misery so this is a really positive step for me, obviously it helps that i have had 6 days to get used to the fact my cycle failed if i hadnt had Af & then tested neg this morning there would be no way i would go back.

helena hows the embies doing?  going on to blast? good luck

lol  mo x


----------



## encore

had progesterone test today.  clinic havent called yet.  hopefully i'll get the go ahead to start sniffing.......


----------



## CJ

Hi, Emma, I'm going to egg share too, I have had my cons appt already and have just sent off all my forms about physical details and a bit about me as a person (I found that really hard to do as I guess a recipient may read it).
Just wanted to say hope it all goes well and at my clinic they need you to get a min of 8 eggies to be able to share, I think this is the norm, but your clinic maybe different of course.


Sorry to all those who have had a negative recently  , sending you all big hugs  and lots of luck for your future plans.

Love CJ x


----------



## Hun

Hi All

Mo- hope that you are beginning to feel better now things are getting back to normal. Last year after my failed cycle I threw myself into christmas preparations in a big way, had a minor blip weeping into my Christmas cake mixture, but on the whole doing something like going back to work does make you feel better.

Encore- Hope the sniffing starts soon for you.

Emma - Good luck in being accepted to egg share. I hope it works out for you.

Helena - I dropped by the lister thread to see how things were going for you - glad that you got the option for blastocysts, and praying that your embies make it. You are going for single tf aren't you?

CJ - Another egg sharer - glad to see I am not alone!! I think often that this cycle, whatever its outcome will not be a waste as it hopefully will give two people and extraordinary chance to have a family that they wouldn't otherwise. And I do get a bit of a buzz out of that.

I am down regging and have not turned into too much of a loon yet . I have had a couple of dizzy spells, have extremely sore boobs, and managed to put on about 5lbs in a week. Great. Remind me that I was offered a chance to do a short protocol next time will you?  AF is also showing signs, so its all going to plan here. However baseline is still not until 19th June....so I have a long time on the suprecur, like last cycle. I am concerned about this...since I had so many antral follicles at b/l after a long period of d/r last time.

Anyway, better go and catch up on some work,been in brussels this week. Only one more trip to go and then I am having a 6 week break from travelling!!!! YIPPEE!!!

Hun xxx


----------



## helenab

Hi everyone

feeling really quite tearful and stressed today.    just waiting to see if any of the 3 embies on day three made it to blast or look as though they are...  Just hope that one little one makes it.  Going off to a playzone thing with Sienna this am and tea with a friend and her little one this afternoon to take my mind of the impending phone call! 

lots of love 
Helena


----------



## Hun

Hi Helena

Nothing I can say will amke you feel better - but i can comiserate, as i know I found waiting for blasts last time excruciating (far worse than the 2ww), and am almost glad the decision is made for me with this next cycle (unlikely to be enough embies to contemplate blasts).

Hope you have an ok day - are you mad going to a playzone in your emotional condition!!!    , not much longer to wait now and hoping that your beautiful blasts are returned to the mother ship soon

Hun xxxxx


----------



## fragile

Helena - any news on your embies?  i really hope all is ok for you - fingers crossed

Hun- poor you, know how you feel with the 5llbs. i am only just beginning to fit back into my clothes now!!

my friend got her BFP today from her FET, very pleased for her but it makes me feel a bit more gutted for myself - selfish i know but i dont suppose anyone else would feel any different.

suzy hows it going with you?

emma are you ok?

hope all is well with everyone else

lol  mo x


----------



## suzy

Hi everyone,

Helena - it is so terrifying isn't it with blasts. I had 3 embies on day three in my last cycle and in the end had two transferred, so I know how you feel, thinking that you will have nothing to transfer.  The cycle before, I think I had seven on day three and only one transferred. I think it may even be better if you don't here from the embyologist at all, until the day of transfer. Anyway, good luck to you - hope it goes well

Hun - great you are on the roll again and good for you for egg sharing.

Mo - so sorry about your bfn. Doesn't get any easier does it. My thoughts are with you. Its always difficult with friends pregnancies. Its one of the hateful things about this whole process and the longer it goes, the more I think you just have to ride it out and there are no fixes. 

Encore - hope you can start soon - there is a lot of activity going on this thread. Lets hope we can get some more bfp's

Emma - 13th has always been lucky for me - met dh when I was living at number 13! Glad there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Spangle - I laughed at your post, imagining you as superwoman with your milkchurn. It is odd, isn't it - my friend did exactly that and told me she felt weird thinking that her ds's sibling might be on the car seat and she got a bfp and he/she was - so hope it happens for you too, you really deserve it.

CJ - hi, how are you?

Scruffyted - there are no answers . It must be so hard I know. I am so sorry it has turned out this way. 

Succotash - if this cycle doesn't work, then I'll ask my consultant about pgs. Seems like a good idea to me. 

Well, I am now 40  Passed without incident really, a bit of a non-event. Work had a bit of a party with nice food, balloons and flowers, which was really thoughtful. I've resolved that in the second half of my life (ouch ), I will look after myself more and not eat as much chocolate. I feel like such a big fat heffa at the moment  We are going to have a party at home sometime, which will be a wedding party (as we got married in Fiji a year ago, just me, dh and ds and we always said we would have a kind of reception), 40th birthday party for me and a housewarming party. We have a lot to celebrate.

I am having EC on Monday and have to stay up and have the trigger tonight at midnight. I had 16 follies on Friday, so it all came good in the end. I've started knitting and find it a good mindless activity that will be great while I am waiting in the hospital for my turn. I've started to knit a scarf and may even keep going on and on for as long as my IVF continues. Maybe it might reach from Aus to the UK soon 

Love to all,

Suzy


----------



## encore

i dont know why but i am pmsl at "now that i'm 40 i will look after myself and not eat as much chocolate"  
i start dregging next week.


----------



## helenab

Suzy, happy belated birthday!  

Hi to everyone else, just a quickie tonight as just got back from the Lister with 2 blasts on board.  All 3 made it in the end but one was the best by far so we agreed on two as the second wasn't likely to survive freezing....  so much for Single ET!!!    Hey ho, I am just so grateful to have something to put back...

longer post tomorrow

love Helena
XX


----------



## Hun

Great news!!!
Hoping that we have another H4AM  in a few days time!
Now put your feet up!
Hun xx

PS Will posts a bigger one soon....and last but not least
    ​Happy 40th Birthday Suzy!!!!​Hoping this is a fruitful year!​    ​


----------



## emma73

hey everyone - feeling like a bit of an alcoholic as I'm sitting here with a drink yet again! Helena fantastic news on two blasts - fingers crossed. 

Happy birthday to you Suzy - the big 40 - good luck on the less chocolate rule. My jogging never came to much lol!  

Fragile - I'm fine - in fact I'm happy as larry - went on a spending spree with Mr Visa today and I have my Gin and tonic with me right now. So happy. In fact I would be a very happy person if i could go shopping often, drink often and get preggers in the middle of it all! Wouldnt we all. 

Hi Hun, Scrufty ted, Spangle, CJ,  encore and everyone else - 

Right - gotta go - back soon 

Emma xx


----------



## Hun

Hi All

Suzy - Good luck tommorow sweetie! I know you are an old hand but hope all goes well and lots of beautiful eggs are collected.

Emma  Hic! I have G&T tonight so don't worry!

Hope everyone had a nice w/e. Its been wall to wall sun in cambridgeshire - lovely. My garden is looking beautiful, and henry has spent the w/e outdoors - so hes a happy but exhausted boy. My mum bought him a slide - how many hours today did he spend playing on it       And DH cut him a piece of drainpipe (new!!!) that he spent another couple of hours using as a tunnel to run his cars down. Good old fashioned toys are the best!!! 

Hope everyone is well.
Hun xx


----------



## suzy

Hi everyone,

Wooohooo, Helena - 2 blasts, that was what made my ds. Fantastic -  . Hope this is it for you. If I had two blasts on board, then I'd be so convinced I was pg that I would be decorating the nursery 

I had EC today, all went well, got 10 eggs. Each time I've had ec, the number has decreased - I'm not bothered about this, just think its interesting. Hun, I so felt like an old hand. Dh gave me a lift to the hossie and did his sample then went home with ds to put him to bed, so I was on my own. Far removed from my first cycle when he was kissing me goodbye at the door of the operating theatre . Had a lovely sleep this afternoon whilst he looked after ds.

Anyway, we are going to blast again, so another excruciating 5 day wait. Transfer is planned for Saturday.


Love,

Suzy


----------



## helenab

suzy, way to go girl, 10 eggs is great.  Fingers, toes and everything else crossed for blast.  God I hate that wait!  

Hi Hun, how are you feeling wtih the DR?  Big kiss from Sienna to Henry!    

Hi Mo, how are you doing? 

Hi to everyone else, EMma, CJ, Spangle, Scruffyted, Succotash and anyone else i've missed.  

I'm doing okay - just got a busy week ahead but largely based at home, planning for the move in a couple of weeks.  we actually complete on Friday but I've got my parents and a decorator (plus me and DH) primed with paint brushes for monday.  Got lots to sort out with utilities etc this week.   Yawn.  Still at least I'm not working or chasing around too much.  I had so much agonising to do prior to the blasts phone call on sat am, that I have done most of my worrying and feel okay so far - still it is only the first week of 2ww so watch me go slowly insane!  

lots of love
Helena
XXXX


----------



## suzy

Hi everyone,

I am so upset at the behaviour of a friend of mine and just had to get it out on paper. She is the one who was pg at the same time as me and we both had our ds's within 6 days of each other. We have been very close and have even been away with each other for weekends.

I told her of my IVF (hoping that she would be a support to me as she was such a good friend, and no-one else really knew), late last year and soon after, she was pg with her second after a month of trying. For me, I felt like I confided something very private to her.  She is the one who organizes our mothers group and I kind of avoided it for a while, on and off. Then we had the phone call where she gave me - what felt like a lecture - on things I should be grateful for (lovely husband, gorgeous baby etc) and since then things have deteriorated, but not face to face. Her lecture was in response to my getting upset on the phone with her. We never phone each other, we don't stop and chat when we see each other etc. I decided to take a break from the mothers group citing work as the reason and did start to work on the day we meet. 

I recently sent her an email saying how sorry I was about the loss of our friendship and asking if I'd offended her. Also invited her to come round for coffee to our new place and told her I'd look after her ds whenever she wants.

Well, she hasn't responded. But I did get a formal email from her saying that she has resigned from a charity we both are involved in citing "the impending birth of her second child and work committements" as the reason. Basically doing that she has cut off any contact we will ever have.

I am so upset about this and really dont' know what I have done to **** her off. But it feels like I have really ****** her off big time. I know our friendship is just another dreaded casualty of the horrible thing called infertility, but I still cannot digest that such a good friend who I held in such high regard can behave like this - it feels like she is being hostile. 

Anyway, I guess I just have to wear it as any more contact with her would seem like grovelling. I thought of contacting her husband and asking him what was going on, as he also was a friend and was recently very warm to me when we met. 

The only thing I can think of is that she is going through a really hard time and I havent' been there for her (not that she has told me about it or asked me), or that she is depressed. 

Re-reading this post, it sounds like she is behaving like a prize b...tch, but that's the thing I really don't get, she isn't like that - and I feel a bit paranoid as a result.

Anyway, thats it,

A rather tearful,

Suzy


----------



## Scoop

Hi All
Sorry I have been so rubbish at keeping up my posts on this thread. I guess there are lots of reasons, but we are all busy so i can't use that as an excuse! So I won't even try!
Suzy, sorry to hear about your friend. I had a similar experience recently after I got pregnant with DS and she went a bit funny on me. Then we arranged various get-togethers and she kept cancelling at the last minute. I fretted about it for ages but now I have come to the conclusion that we can't keep all our friends and some have to fall by the wayside and that this just happens and is noone's fault. It's really sad but I have decided to cut my losses, stop worrying about it and move on. I have so many other great friends who do care! (FYI, don't think she was bothered because I was having a baby, think for her that our friendship was a bit of a novelty and it wore off!)
From my point of view, I am starting to feel really terrified about embarking on this all over again. I started oestrogen tablets on Saturday and on the same day AF arrived. Although the clinic have assured me this is not of concern, of course I am panicking because if I don't stop bleeding I will have to stay on the lower dose for longer and this will put back ET. So yesterday I was convinced that this was some sort of bad omen! Then this morning a friend sent me through details of her hen night at the end of July and I felt so cross because I have no idea whether I will be pregnant by then and not able to drink and join in the spa treatments or not pregnant and thoroughly fed up and miserable and not wanting to be there anyway! Then I felt bad because at least i am lucky enough to be given the chance to try for a 2nd baby after being told 3 years ago we would never have children....!!!! AARRGH!!!
The madness has begun and I haven't even got to the 2ww yet!
Can i just ask a really stupid question - what is a blast? Last time I had EC and then went back for ET 2 days later - thought this was standard but then some of you were talking about waiting for 5 days?? I'm so confused, our clinic has never talked about blasts!
Hello to everyone else and will catch up more later

Scoop


----------



## encore

scoop a 'blast' or blastocyst is a 5 day old embryo.  if you have enough embryos a few clinics leave them in the petri dish as long as they can to determine if there are any front runners the rationale being they put the best ones back.  not all of the embryos make it to blasts, some stop developing along the way.  although there is the other argument that the best environment is in the uterus.  my clinic does blast transfer but with my first pregnancy i had 2 clear top embryos on day 3 so they put those back.  i had twins for a very short time but by my first scan at 6 weeks one was clearly on the way out and i ended up with my daughter.

can i ask which of you is doing the short protocol, and who is on the long?  i'm doing the long protocol.  started sniffing yesterday.


----------



## emma73

Hi everyone - I just wanted to send a big hug to Suzy. I dont really know what to say - I havent been in a similar situation but can relate as I feel I have lost one of my firends since having Luke - she isnt interested in him and that hurts. 

I guess you have to decide just how much this freidnship means to you. Maybe its hard to let it go without knowing what the hell happened - and where it went a bit wrong - Could you e-mail her again in light of her resignation and say how sorry you are and be open about how you feel - or even keep it light and say that you hope you keep seeing each other? 

Could she maybee be busy, pregnant, tierd, emersed in her own world, worried about upsetting you? I'm sorry you are facing this upset - its the last thing you need, but others who havent experienced infertility have no idea how it affects everything. 

If it were me I'd give contacting her another go and if that comes to nothing accept that she isnt the great friend you thought she was. So sorry if that sounds really blunt.

All my love Emma xx

PS - I have just realised that I have given advice and you didnt ask for it - sorry!!


----------



## Hun

Hi all

Hope you are ok. Just a quickie from me
Hi Scoop - welcome back! Hope all goes well with the FET
Helena - how are you doing?
Emma - Hi!
Suzy - I am sorry the situation with your friend is causing you so much grief at the moment. You probably don't need advice, but I would put the ball firmly back in her court, by responsing to her email with a light chatty one of your own, recognising the fact that she obviously has a lot on, wishing her luck for the impending birth and reiterating your offer of support if she needs it. As long as you always leave the door open, you cannot do anymore. I wouldn't involve her husband, I'd keep it between you two. Then if things don't improve you may just have to accept that there is going to be some distance between you for a while, or maybe forever - which is sad, but it seems to happen all too frequently in relationships, and the complications of families, work and juggling it all take over. Sending you a big hug, and hoping that you can find some equilibrium on the issue soon. 

Hun xx


----------



## suzy

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for your advice and thoughts Scoop, Emma and Hun. It helps enormously knowing that I can sort out my thoughts and feelings on "paper" and that someone will read them. After having chewed everything over and felt bad about it for 24 hours, I now feel much better. I haven't decided what I'll do about it. I think I have inadvertently done something that has really upset her or she is very stressed and maybe depressed at the thought of having another baby.

Anyway, hi Scoop - welcome back. For the spa, at least if you're not pg, then you can really be naughty big time and have several big glasses and drown your sorrows in the spa. Worst would be if you are in a treatment cycle and you couldn't go in the spa or drink and then you got a bfn I suppose. I am comforting myself with the thought that if this cycle doesn't work then I'm off skiing 

Emma - hi, how are you? How can anyone not be interested in the lovely Luke - he must be the most special baby alive after what he has been through - a true miracle 

Hi to Hun and thanks and hi to everyone else.

Love 

Suzy

By the way, I have 6 eggs fertilized out of ten, and am feeling a bit rough physically - very bloated and sore, more so than in my previous cycles.


----------



## helenab

suzy, I echo what the others said. Glad you're feeling better about it. 6 is good - keeping everything crossed for those dividing embies. Try to rest a bit and recover in time for tx....

Hi everyone else, what lovely warm weather we have this week. It's certainly helping the 2ww a bit. Must go cos cooking up a big batch of bolognase for Sienna. she is such a carnivore!

love Helena
XX[br]Posted on: 7/06/06, 12:53okay, so the rollercoaster has cranked up and is making it's way to the top of the ride. There I was sailing along quite happily in some wierd calm and even positve frame of mind .... thinking wow I am so lucky to have Sienna, if this one doesn't work then maybe she is my only one and i'm still so lucky etc etc... all of which is still true... when suddenly crash, down we go, tears etc , "I don't think it's worked" etc blah blah blah! You all know the score!

the 2ww has not got any better since I last did it!!

sorry for me post but I needed to share....

Love Helena
XXX


----------



## encore

2ww is torture isnt it.


----------



## jojomama

Hello ladies would you mind if I hopped over here to join you?  I'm the one who posted a couple of weeks ago 'stressed' and guess what..I still am.  Started on my stimmies yesterday due for e/c on Mon 19th & don't know if its the hormones but have been a bit of a wreck today, really tearful & feeling fragile.  Had appointment yesterday to see if I'm down regged & clinic told me (can't understand why they hadn't before) that they are giving me big doses of stimmies & 'going to push you as close to the wire as we can' as last cycle (which resulted in dd) I had a whopping 24 follies with only 6 eggs, I had to coast for nearly a week.  They are saying that they don't understand me (they wouldn't be the first) as my 1st ivf the previous year I had 17 follies with 13 eggs.  I just feel so paranoid that I'm either gonna hyperstim again or that they won't get any decent eggs.  On top of that I had tried to keep it all quiet from work but given that next week I'm having to go for scans every other day so they can keep a close eye I had to let on today & my boss although agreeable to me taking time off (holiday of course) wasn't exactly sensitive.  I've just been so taken by surprise that this cycle is affecting me so much, I really didn't think it would given that I'm so happy with my precious girl & lifes pretty good.  Bloody infertility !!!
Sorry for the rant & being so me me me.  I promise I'm not always like this!  I know a couple of you are on the dreaded 2ww & I've got my fingers crossed for you.  Is anyone else cycling now & where are you at?


----------



## spangle

Hello everyone, 

Sorry posted a few days ago and then lost the lot !!  

Helena- Hang on in there, the 2ww is so very hard, sending you loads of hugs, cups of tea and biscuits.  How are the moving plans coming along ?

Suzy- so sorry about how your friend has treated you,  sometimes I can't believe how hurtful people can be. One thing I have/am still trying to get my head round is people can just be thoughtless without giving others a second thought or their feelings ! As Hun said people often get wrapped up in themselves. I have had friendships before that are great at the time and then things drift, people move away and it fizzles away. It is sad but just one of those things.  Do what you feel comfortable with.

Scoop- I am going for blast transfer hopefully next wed/Thurs they are taking some day 2 and day 3 frosties to blast. This will be my 3rd blast transfer so hoping I achieve my dream this time.

Encore- Am I right in thinking you are going through a fet ?

Scruffyted- How are you doing ? What lovely things have you been up to ? Really wish you were coming to NID day and could meet you ,would be great !

Cuthbert- How have your first few days back at work been ? I have only done 2 mornings this week so far ! Had a lovely day at home today- DD is getting over tonsillitis and fine now but I kept her off one more session. She has been playing with her dolls bath, washing clothes and pegging them out on a washing line I made for her !! We have had such a lovely day ! Blow the ironing !!!

Well, sorted out frosties issue- clinic wavered cost and agreed to let other patients know about the new cost. Had scan yesterday not  ready yet, so go back on Friday morning for another scan to check if I will be ready for transfer on Wed/Thurs. Consultant has said have a few days off work- won't be chilling though as it is dd 4th Birthday on the 16th . DD has a nursery trip on Wednesday so hope i can go as is her first ever trip   Having a family party tea and then lots of friends on the Saturday. Having a bouncy castle surprise and I guess I won't be able to bounce on it !! Can't ask consultant if it's OK !  

Am off to NID on Saturday. Travel to Wembley Friday, staying there for 2 nights, am looking forward to it, going with 2 other girls so should have a brill time. I have never stayed away from home without dd or dh since she was born ! Bless dh has got to take dd to ballet when England are playing !  

Emma- See you are OK. 

Succotash- How are things going ?

Love to everyone, 

Jojomama- Hello ! I remember looking at the catalogue of that name ! Keep drinking lots of water, have pineapple juice not from concentrate and 6 brazil nuts a day. Lots of people swear by protein shakes as well 

Take care,

love

Spangle


----------



## fragile

Hi all

Emma hope that credit card didnt get too much of a hammering!!!!

Suzy congrats on all your eggs & will keep everything crossed for you for saturday, it seems to have come round really quickly after you re started but i bet it hasnt felt like that for you.  wish my hospital did blast they really should being as all the others they leave out get dumped anyway.  sorry to hear about your friend i really dont know what to suggest about that but try to put it out of your mind for now, you have enough to worry about.

Helena how you doing?  going demented yet or managing to keep calm?

hello to everyone just a quickie as i have a question.

i started spotting day 9 of 2WW then AF really kicked in for 5 or 6 days then it slowed down a bit now -2 WEEKS ON i am still spotting slightly & this occasionally gets a little bit heavier spotting IS THIS NORMAL?!?!?!?

stupid me even kidded myself with the idea of getting another HPT but knowing what i lost on the heavy 5 or 6 days know its not possible that my test was a false neg but i am starting to wonder what the hell is going on.  i really cant face contacting the fertiltiy nurse again although i have my follow up there next tuesday and at this rate i will be able to ask her face to face.  just wondered if anyone else had this.  god like AF wasnt bad enough now i have a daily reminder that tx didnt work.  ah well - thank god for my lovely DS.

jojomama sorry to hear you are so stressed. your cycles seem to have produced such different results so must be a worry for you.  As for your boss what you are having is hospital treatment & it doesnt matter what it is for you are legally entitled to have time off for hospital appointments & you dont have to make the time back although they are not obliged to pay you for it.  dont worry about ranting (although you aren't) thats what we are here for, to support each other & we all do me me me from time to time. you know your only feeling so bad because of your hormones.  i was an emotional cabbage this time which surprised me as for the last two i was ok but thats just the way it gets you some times, hope things get easier for you soon. 

hope everyone is ok 

lol  mo x


----------



## spangle

Hi Mo,

So sorry, I did have one cycle with spotting and then nothing and then af came around the time yours did. I have also had one cycle sadly that I had what I thought was af and then got a bfp which I  was surprised at, sadly I had a week 8 scan that revealed no heartbeat.This sad one was now a very long time ago. Hope you are ok, is it not an option to ring the clinic ? If it helps why not ring them and get some advice ?

Hugs,

Spangle


----------



## fragile

oh Crap!

spoke to fertility untit this morning about my bleeding & she said it was very unusual then asked me if i was sure my test was negative.

of course i left work straight away & went to boots.  did HPT & its a  .  i am trying my hardest not to get my hopes up after what i lost when my AF was heavy i cant imagine anything is left in there so i figure i had a late implanter then a mc but i have to wait a whole week until next thursday before i can have a scan to confirm if i am pg or not.  dont know why they cant offer me a blood test to put me out of my misery.  spangle i am so sorry you got to scan but had no heartbeat that must be awful & i really  hope that its not something i find out myself.

i have drunk a bottle of wine & 2 bottles of Bud in the last week & had a runny egg so im really worried now & so upset about having my hopes raised yet again.  obviously if this turns out fine i will be made up & forget all about this but hmmmm dont think its going to be great somehow especially as the bleeding is getting heavier again.  ho hum.

sorry for the rant just need to get it off my chest & this is the best place i know where.  thanks

lol  mo x


----------



## emma73

mo - oh my god!! I honeslty dont know what to say - you must be totally tortured! I have everything crossed that when you go for that scan you have a nice heartbeat on the creen. How amazing - but how torturous. 

Surely they should get you in to see what your leves are?  OOOHHHHH - so exciting - CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

Emma xx

PS - I am very very close to calling it a day. I realsie I am quite happy with my life untill I start thinking about IVF - the money - the sperm - the two vs one embryo transfer. It makes me so down - almost had enough.


----------



## spangle

Hi ,

Mo- OMG ,don't think the same will happen to you as did to me because we are all different. Congratulations and fingers crosed for you.

Love

Spangle


----------



## fragile

Emma im going to ask the GP to refer me to the EPU i really cant wait a week.  i can accept they wont see a heart beat but i really need to know if my womb is empty or if there is in fact a possible pg.

funny you saying about calling it a day i know how you feel,  the last couple of days i have had periods of calm when i think my life is ok with my lovely DS & the stress of tx is just too much to deal with. then sometimes i think must have more tx if frosties fail!!!!  but those thoughts are not as strong as thinking how nice life is at the moment & how much more we could give DS,  well lets just see what happens... wish this doctor would hurry up & phone 

spangle dont worry about what you posted, im quite capable of making up my own worries!!!  

lol  mo x


----------



## Hun

OMG Mo    

What a situation. I'd be insisting on an early scan I think, or at least some indication from bloods of my actual HCG level......

I really really hope that against the odds you have a little hanger on in there....

Hun xx

PS Emma - know how you are feeling sweetie. I posted on this thread a similar thing a few pages ago. I am really happy apart from the whole IVF thing. Theres only so much you can put yourself through... xxx


----------



## fragile

Hi all & thanks for all your posts.  

i spoke to my GP who basically said i just had to wait.  i questioned about having blood tests & she just said urine sample was the most accurate indicator of pg so to wait for thursday.  i said what about measuring HCG to se if it was going up or down & she just said no i had to wait.  
i just dont feel comfortable phoning the EPU as the fertility clinic & now my GP have told me to wait & i know that at the end of the day they couldnt actually do anything for me at this stage anyway so it is just for my own need to know and i really dont think i could sit in A & E for that.  

i am annoyed at the fertility unit as they have just had the best part of £3,000 out of me i would think the least they could do is a couple of blood tests but if id had one today & then on saturday becuase of the weekend they wouldnt get the results till probably tues/wed & my scan is on Thurs so would only know for sure 1 day early.

have just spoken to a friend who knows of a poor lady who had scan after bleeding & they saw empty pg sac, the decided not to do D & C & let it happen naturally, good job. she went back following week for a scan & they found a second pg & all ok with that baby!

the earliest a heartbeat would be detected is next week which if id had a BFP in the beginning is when my scan would be anyway.  i suppose if they scanned me now all it would show is either an empty womb becuase id already mc or else a pg sac which they couldnt confirm as a viable pg. so im just going to have to wait.  i am going to stock up on HPT & do one every day to see if the line goes darker or lighter - how mental will i be by thursday?

i had 6 cyclogest left over so used one today, figure if i do one a day till i run out it could only help, assuming of course that i didnt mc straight away & that there is something still in there.  
anyhow enough about Me Me Me.  how is everyone else doing?
hope everyone else is doing ok & those on the 2ww arent going too demented yet.  suzy got it all crossed for you for saturday.  thanks everyone, its really helping knowing your all out there listening to my waffle

lol  mo x


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Mo-oh my goodness-i so so hope that you have a happy ending to this, I will be keeping everything crossed for you for Thursday. It's going to be a long week for you.     

Hi to everyone else, I think of you all often and do read but feel I shouldn't post-which breaks my heart.
Good luck to you all on the 2ww and stimming.  

Much love
Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## suzy

Hi Mo,

Don't know what to say - congratulations on your BFP!

I would call your EPU about serial blood HCGs as it definately IS more accurate than urine pregnancy tests. 
The most accurate thing though is a scan, but you have to be a few weeks pregnant (5-7 depending on the actual scanner itself and how sophisticated it is) to be able to see anything.

REally hope it turns out OK for you,

Love,

Suzy[br]Posted on: 8/06/06, 22:28Me again,

Just been for transfer and have a blastocyst and an early blastocyst transferred - feel great about that a that's what I had when I conceived ds. My last two cycles didn't make it to full blast stage, just early blast.

Initially, the embryologist said that we had a blast and a "nice looking" morula, but at the last minute, she had a look at the rest (as I was on the examination table with my legs spread), and another one had grown from a morula into an early blast in the last 4 hours since she had looked, so she changed her mind.

Now feeling really fragile, like I shouldn't move or I'll break 

Love,

Suzy


----------



## emma73

WOW - thats great news suzy. I'm looking forward to hearing of your bfp soon - when do you test??

Emmaxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Hun

Fab news Suzy. I think this might be your time.....   

Helena - Any news. Are you an early tester?    I do hop so because I have to go to US on business tommorow, so I am going to miss official test date...you could always drop me an IM..... 

Hun xx


----------



## helenab

woo hoo Suzy!  That's exactly what we had too - go go blasts.  Take it easy today and tomorrow esp.  Sending loads of love and  

Got a confession to make girls - been feeling really queasy for 2 days and my already ample chest (too big!!) has expanded worryingly    so did a test late last night.  I know, I know, barely 7 days since blasts were transferred and test day isn't till monday but I felt different.  Anyway   - stunned and shocked to have one 3 days early but did it again this morning to check I wasn't dreaming and there it was.... Won't say anything to family or close friends who have supported and us and will be waiting for news on Monday or Tuesday as I want to get my bloods done on monday... it is v early so long way to go but definitely there to see on the pee stick  .

love Helena
XXXX


----------



## Hun

YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! I just knew it!

    ​Well done Helena!!!!!!​Another H4AM BFP!​    ​
Over to you now Suzy!!!
Love
Hun and henry xxx


----------



## fragile

wow congrats helena on your BFP

suzy congrats on your ET hun hope all goes well for you too.

did a clearblue test today & the positive was so faint it is now barely readable so assume i mc & hcg levels dropping.  will do another test mond or tues but i know really my AF was so bad there really wasnt much hope of anything surviving.  5 more sleeps until i go for my scan & get put out of my misery.  just want it over now so i can start to move on instead of being foolish & hanging on to that little bit of hope.

hope everyone is enjoying the lovely weather - im inside its far too hot to be out in it - phew!!!!

lol  mo x


----------



## encore

fragile, hope everything stays positive for you.  sometimes you could wring the necks of those clinics couldnt you.  i think that it would do them no harm to remember that they work for you.  After all, you are the one thats paying the bills.  can't believe they spout that [email protected] about pee sticks being more accurate than hcg.  wot..do they think we are all thick?

congratulations to helena and good luck to suzy.

spangle no i'm doing a fresh cycle.  long protocol.  been sniffing for a few days now.  period due on monday but could possibly be delayed due to downreg drugs.  doing acupuncture too.  in for a penny in for a pound....or a few thousand....

lovin this weather.  taking my girl to the park most days for some nudie time on the grass.  she let out a few grunts yesterday and went all red in the face....got me wondering...d'ya think they'd fine you 500 quid if you kid poo'ed on the grass? same as if your dog did it?.  

lucky it was a false alarm!


----------



## jojomama

hi everyone, phew hot hot hot eh, am sat in while little one watches the wiggles she wont let me watch the footie, dh is at work & feel like we must be the only people in britain not watching with no friends round . To be honest enjoying the peace & solitude as we've had a hectic few days.

Mo- can't imagine what a difficult time it is for you at the moment. The 2ww is enough to make you demented without having to contend with such confusing mixed signals you're getting now, I think if I were you I'd be testing daily until the scan to see if the lines getting fainter or not but honey did you have 2 emmbie transfer?? If so its possible that you could have lost one & one is still hanging in there perfectly fine.  Your frustration must be horrendous will be thinking of you this week & sending you lots of  
Suzy - congrats on you 2 lovely blasts, its a great sign that you got such lovely embies, couldn't be better!! Sending lots of sticky sticky sticky vibes your way, what are you doing to pass the time during the dreaded 2ww? Are you planning on testing early? I never am but always relent, mind you with my dd I tested 2 days too early & got  dh came home to find me disolved in tears in back garden after having sunk a bottle of wine & chuffed my way through 10 ciggies. 2 days later I woke up after having a dream that I got BFP did another test & there it was in real life!

[br]Posted on: 10/06/06, 15:28sorry me again, got distracted as dd is asking for a custard donut (shes never had 1 in her life) anyway just wanted to say
Helena - YAY!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS that is soooooo fab

Hun - whereabouts in the US you off too? It must be hard travelling leaving Henry at home, but great to come to home to I'm sure

Emma B - I know how you feel wanting to throw in the towel. I've been blown away by how emotional this ivf has made me feel it has so taken me by surprise. Its great to have you all for support!!

scruffyted - why dont you feel like you can post honey?

Jo


----------



## CJ

Helena on your   
  sprinkle us all with  please  

  to Suzy    

fragile, sending you lots of positive vibes, and hang on tight to your bit of hope Hun, you never know there could be a little one clinging on, I truly hope so 

Hi to everyone, weather is so good, been out in the sun all day 


Love CJ x


----------



## scruffyted

Hi

Helana-That's wonderful news-many congratulations on your wonderful BFP!!! Look forward to hearing how your bloods go on Monday.  

Suzy-wonderful that you have two lovely blasts on board.  Fingers crossed that this is the one    now take it easy and enjoy the Oz sunshine. When is your test date? 

CJ-Hi hun, any news on when you may be starting tx again? How's the new house coming along? 

Mo-thinking of you, so so hope everything is going to be ok when you go for your scan.  

Jo-I feel I shouldn't post here as after our miscarriage we have taken the heartbraking decision to not have any more tx so as we are not trying for another miracle I feel i don't belong here   although i really don't know where to post, feeling so very sad and lost. My dream of two children (or 3!) is over   
Why can't I be happy with what I have-I have a wonderful wonderful DS and DH, we are all healthy and yet I feel that I will never be happy again-why why did I have to lose my angels!! 
Sorry to go on, I feel I needed to get that out-please if there is a pill to take to make me be happy and move forward with just my DS let me know!  
I am so worried about my DS being an only child though, I worry that he will be lonely especially as he gets older  

Hun-How's the D/r going? When is baseline? 

Succotash-how are you, will you be having another cycle soon?

Emma-If you do decide to throw the towel in, I'm here if you need to chat, not that I'll be much good as although we have thrown the towel in I can't move forward!!

Hi to everyone else.

Much love to you all
Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## jojomama

Scruffyted - So sorry for your loss & feel a right s**t for being so insensitive.  I have scrolled back & read through loads of previous messages but its hard to have a handle on who is who being new.  Your pain must be very raw & while you still feel a need to post on this board then I'm so sure no-one minds, it might sound crass but I think its good that we have diversity with so many different people at such different stages on this painful journey.  You need time I'm sure to come to terms with whats happened but who knows maybe in a few months you will feel strong enough to go through another cycle again.  You are in my thoughts, & please in my book you are most welcome here, so glad you have a wonderful dh & ds to give you lots of love support that you need but if ever you need to vent.....we're here for you


----------



## encore

[fly]stay scruffy[/fly]


----------



## suzy

Awww, Scruffy,

So sorry you have to go through such pain. I am sure everyone is more than happy for you to continue on this board. Even if you think at this moment you are not going to try again, just coast for a while, keep posting and let us know how you are feeling - after all, I for one, feel as if we have been together for so long, I'd miss you if you left, especially at such a dreadful time for you.

Love,

Suzy[br]Posted on: 12/06/06, 02:39Helena,

OMG, how fabulous for you - congratulations!!   

I feel so very very stupid. I forgot to use the crinone gel last night    . After all the stabbing, sniffing, anaesthetics etc etc, HOW CAN I BE SO STUPID?? I used it this morning as soon as I found out and phoned the clinic later and she wasn't very reassuring. Whilst telling me not to stress, she said that it probably didn't matter as I was producing some of my own by now   Stress city here in Oz now. I initially though if I didn't tell anyone and tried to forget it, my stupid mistake wouldn't matter. Hmmm

Suzy


----------



## fragile

Scruffyted you know already that i think you should stay & now you know everyone agrees i hope you will still join us even if its just to say what you are doing in order to avoid the football - please dont tell me your a fan! 

suzy please dont stress, some hospitals dont even provide progesterone after ET feeling that it isnt necessary as if an embie implants it WILL trigger your own production so try to hang on in there & dont worry too much.  

i did yet another HPT today & the line is as faint if not fainter than the one the other day.  i am still so mad that my hospital is making me wait a whole week for a scan & wont do bloods.  i am pretty sure i had the mc whilst bleeding heavily in the beginning & the HPT seems to confirm that my HCG levels are not great but still keep thinking this cant be happening to me again there must be a little survivor in there-only 3 more sleeps till i find out!  my appointment is not till lunch time though & by that time they have usually fallen behind so i expect i will be seen a lot later than that, just to add to my frustration.   

at least its a lot cooler today & at last it has rained, will be happier ds getting muddy in the garden than keeping him indoors to save him from sun stroke/burn.

Helena how you doing?  any symptoms yet?  hope all is going well  

& hope everyone else is ok

lol  mo x


----------



## suzy

Fragile - what you are going through must be awful. It must be so frustrating and must feel like your future is at stake - I can't imagine what you are feeling right now. 

I too am so not a football fan. Lots of people here are driving round with yellow flags sticking out of their windows - Australia are playing against someone in the middle of tonight and I am going to be fast asleep .

Thank you for your reassurance about the progesterone. I do try so much to divert my mind from what I am going through (the 2ww etc) and it seemed to backfire on me last night. Funnily enough, I went to bed long before dh and was asleep before he came to bed. I must need the threat of   to remind myself that the time for the crinone is imminent, thus avoiding the    . Tonight I have set the alarm.

It is freeeeezing here - makes a change - instead of my synarel evaporating in the heat, the crinone is now frozen solid - ouch....!!


----------



## spangle

hello everyone,

Helena-  Congratulations you give me hope , saw your picture in the HFEA booklet it is great.

Mo- So hoping everything will be ok.  

Suzy- oops about forgetting,as mo said some clinics don't do  progesterone. Is the gell any better than the pessaries ? How long have you got to go now ? Don't know about you but I find the last few days the hardest as there is so much hope there. 

Scruffyted- this is your home please don't go.  

Well, NID was brill in London. Stayed in Travel lodge in Wembley, went out into Covent Garden on Friday night, Conference on Saturday and then out in evening- Did a fair bit of travelling on tube and really enjoyed it all. Oh wat a tourist !The conference was brill , my other 2 friends are both at different stages on this rollercoaster and we all got loads out of it. We are going to word process our notes and report back to the support group. Will give you all a link to them if you want. I would definately go again.

Well had gestone injection to day, they start defrosting embryos soon to take to blast. I have transfer on Thursday. What do you all think about resting ? To be honest it is mad here. DD is 4 on Friday we have a family party at home with her and then she has friends and their parents coming to our house on Saturday. Fat chance of resting !!  I am also trying to copy a cake out of a book a Fairy Castle Cake- Hope it doesn't end up like a tent !!!  DD and I are doing all the cakes for the parties too. As well as going on a nursery trip to a farm most of Wednesday.  At some point I am gong to try and fit in a spot of frantic house work and ironing.  Am drivind dh mad stressing overthings- he has got to make a dolls house shape bookcase by then too !!!  

Take care everyone, we still have a warm humid evening here, no rain apart from a quick storm early hours am,

Love

Spangle
PS Don't know what is going on with smileys ?!!


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## Scoop

Hi All
Huge congrats Helena! Really pleased for you!
And good luck Suzy - hope it all works out for you too.
Well, i am now a week away from ET providing our two little embies defrost OK and my body responds well to all the drugs. Can't get my head around it all really. Feel so up and down at the moment and feel really cross that I have imposed a "no drinking" rule on myself epsecially when the weather is so good and it cries out to be enjoyed with a glass of wine...
have been enjoying the weather so hope that lasts as it will make the 2ww so much easier! I really want to be abel to relax and take it easy but it won't be so easy this time with DS who is like a crazy, demented energiser bunny from the minute he wakes to the minute he goes to bed....Oh well, it will keep my mind off things, I haven't been nearly so obsessed about everything this time around although that may change the closer we get to ET....providing we get that far. really not trying to get too excited/nervous until we know for sure it's going to happen.
Huge hello to everyone else 

Scoop


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## fragile

spangle & 
Scoop

wow.  how exciting!  fingers crossed for both of you with your frosties, do you not have exact dates yet?  sorry bit dim on the FET.  know my hospital just say to phone them when your ovulating & then they will take them out & do ET at 2 days are you both doing medicated?  anyhow hope it all goes well, could do with a few more successes on this thread!

Helena are things ok with you hun?  have you phoned the hospital & told them of your BFP yet?

Suzy are you going demented yet?

Emma, what you up to hun - apart from shopping!!

Scruffyted you ok?  please post & tell us how you are.

hope everyone else is ok 

lol  mo x


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## spangle

Hello,

Mo- My fet is on Thursday, it is a medicated cycle. Haven't heard anything from clinic, thought I might re thawing but hey ho. How are you doing? 

Scoop- Know what you mean about struggling to take things easy ! I decided today after a long chat with dh I needed to try to relax more.  So went to whsmiths and bought a relaxation cd. Will let you know how I get on !. I will be busy after transfer but that will hopefully take my mind off things !!

Take care, we are off on a nursery trip tomorrow,

love

Spangle


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## emma73

ooohhhh - there is alot going on!! 

Helena - congratulations on that BFP - fantastic news. 

Suzy - hope you are coping ok so far with the horrible two week wait - we have been thinking of comming to australia in a couple of years for a tour up from syndey to cairns - the idea was that I would do this if tx dosnet ever work - but now I have seen some of the beautiful np's and beaches I want to come with baby or not!!

Mo - how are you coping ?? Is it Thursday you have to go in to the hospital?? I cant bellieve they made you wait so long. OUT OF ORDER!

All the girls comming up to a FET - good luck. Very exctiting. Tx is meant to be more successful in the summer - heres hoping the sunshine helps you all get bfp's.

I had my trip to the cromwell in darlington today. It went ok. Very small clinic and only one consultant - minute compared to here, could be just the change i need. I have to have all my bloods done - the only ones which will determine yes or no for egg share are the day 2 of cylce fsh ones. I'm worried but he said anything less than 10 would be ok. I know everything else is clear but have to have them repeated for egg share. 

SO - fingers and toes crossed.

A big hello to everyone I have missed - havent been on for a couple of days and lots of chat - hard to keep up!

Scrufty - hope you are keeping ok - I hope that the time is easing the pain a little for you and your partnerxxx

Emma xx


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## jojomama

Hi everyone, hope all are well.  Saw clinic today I have 18 follies all decent size & oestrogen levels not too high so fingers crossed I'm not going to hyper-stim this time & we're set for e/c mon 19th have to go back on Thurs & Fri to make sure things don't go mad at the end like last time but they are happy so I am too 
Spangle & scoop looks like we'll be in the 2ww together all being well.

Jo


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## helenab

Evening all!

Wow all these FETs coming up - good luck Spangle and Scoop!  Go go embies!   
Spangle, how are the shelves coming along?!   Good luck with the cake - you're a talented lady to be tackling that!

Suzy, how are those little blasts doing?  Not long now.  

Jojomama, well done on those follies, brilliant result.  Keeping everything crossed for the next few days for you.

Emma, trip to the new clinic sounds great.  Won't be long now for you. XX

Mo, sending you lots of love during this stressful time  

Hi to Scruffyted, hope you are okay.  Sending you love .

Hun, hope the trip to the states is going well.  

Hi to all those I've forgotten (temporarily!)

Not much more to report here.  Had bloods done yesterday at the Lister and they confirmed the BFP and said my beta levels 14dpo were 280.  That means nothing to me as I've never had a beta reading before.  Is it good, bad or indifferent?!!!
Been at Queens Club watching the tennis today and off tojmorrow too.  Hoping to see Nadal and Leyton Hewitt tomorrow.  

love Helena
XXX


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## Betty M

Evening all

Very very long time no post but have been reading all the news good and sad.

Helena - congratulations! 280 sounds jolly good for 14DPO. Anything over 50 my clinic counts as definitely PG and mine was around 260 this last time which they described as "very pregnant".  

Lots of love to everyone else too. 

Small bit of news from me - had my 20 week scan today and all was fine so feeling increasingly confident about this little one who much to DD's delight is a boy.

Betty x


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## helenab

Great news Betty

love Helena
XXXXX


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## encore

helen those levels are absolutely fine.  mine were just over 300, but i had a twin pregnancy for a very very short time. (one healthy heartbeat at 6 weeks, plus one sac that was on the way out).  so i wouldnt worry about the levels.
period has just started so i guess if all is well in a few days i start with the injections.  can't believe i'm going to do this again....must be mad.


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## Succotash

Helena - great result and great number.  Many, many congratulations.  

Suzy - Glad to hear you're in the 2ww.  Fingers crossed that this is the one.  

Mo -  sorry to read of your situation.  Am disbelieiving that your clinic wouldn't do a beta.  

Betty - Half way there, that's brilliant.  Time seems to have flown.  Fantastic that all's going well.  

Scruffy - Don't go anywhere!  You must still post if that's what you want.  I know you are saying no to tx right now.  In a few months things won't look as grim and your thoughts may turn to your frosties.    My m/c was 6 months ago and I now feel great and I never ever thought that day would come.

Spangle - Good luck for ET.  As for the resting thing, I personally don't think it makes any difference.  Just MHO.  On a practical level, it's so difficult to do when you already have one.  

Jo - That's a great clutch of eggs in there, good luck for a smooth EC.

Sorry got to go, DS (in bath)  is pouring water over the kitten.

S


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## MARTEEN

Hi Girls

I have just found this trhead, I hope you don't mind me posting.

I have a beautiful daughter who is now 91/2 months old.  I did FET in February but was BFN.

I had transfer yesterday is a 5 day blastocyst and now am in 2ww.  I am so so lucky to have my beautiful angle from heaven, and have been longing to have another, but sadly this is our last go.  So fingers crossed.

Good luck to everyone else, fingers crossed for you all.

Best wishes

Teen
x


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## suzy

Hi Marteen,

Welcome to the thread. Hope its a bfp for this cycle for you!

You had your bfn on the day that I had my son - 27th December 04!!

Love,

Sue


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## Scoop

Hi All
DS is asleep so am grabbing the opportunity to catch up! We have had a frustrating morning waiting in for NTL - the house is an absolute mess and I can't wait to go out later and enjoy the sunshine!
Sorry I completely forgot to mention when our ET is - blood test on Monday and then providing our frosties thaw, ET on Tuesday. So not long to go now! I bought a relaxation CD too and it's wonderful - I felt really floaty and chilled after using it last night. Didn't last long - DH forgot to put the water on for dinner which meant another half hour wait for dinner! Bless him!
Am trying to prepare myself for Tuesday and a possible disappointment - I know our frosties may not survive the thaw and it could be over before it's even begun. Am trying to stay positive and focused but don't want to be too disappointed. the one good thing is hardly anyone knows we are doing it this time round so there won't be loads of people to have to tell which is what I hated about last time, even though we got a BFP in the end.
We have a really busy month ahead with holiday, a weekend away and my spa break/my friend's hen do. SO lots to look forward to regardless of what happens next week.
As for resting it's going to be really hard this time with DS. DH is home with me on Tuesday so we will just have a chilled day, then on Wednesday DS is going to nursery for a couple of hours in the afternoon so another chance to chill out. Other than that, it will be life as normal, except i won't be going to the gym! Can anyone remember what the advice is about swimming? Seem to remember being told last time not to swim for the 2ww (and then for the first 12 weeks) Will check with the clinic.
Hope all is well with everyone, better go and make the most of nap time! (Cleaning, cooking, etc. - OBVIOUSLY!)
Love
Scoop


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## encore

teen, our girls are about the same age.  my girl is 9mts.  its lovely isnt it.


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## fragile

Hi All

Helen - WOW those levels sound good, things look great congratulations

Marteen - congrats on your ET fingers crossed for you hun.

Suzy - how you doing on the 2 week torture?

Scoop - NO SWIMMING!!!! have to say after 3 ET this time was the only time the clinic mentioned that to me.  i went swimming last time as i never even thought about it. not sure if no swimming for whole 12 weeks though.

Emma - how exciting, sounds like your consultation went really well.  when are you having all the bloods done & when will you get the results?


sorry HUGE me essay now!

went to the hospital this morning.  i was supposed to be seeing the senior fertility nurse but a foreign doc took me into the scan room instead.  he asked me what treatment id had, when my ET was & why was i having a scan?  i was so upset he obviously hadnt even bothered to read my notes.  i have had such pain in my right ovary area for the last couple of days, nearly took myself off to A & E at 2am the other night it was so bad but it kept coming & going & pain killers eased it so didnt go.  Anyway he said there is no pregnancy in your uterus.. sorry about that then spent 10 minutes digging around with dildo cam & finally said my right ovary was cloudy but he wasnt sure if i had an ectopic pg or if i had mc already  WHY NOT? is he not qualified i thought!

anyway he then said he wanted to do beta test over the next 2 days & for me to come back next week for the results.  i got really upset at this point i said i should have had blood tests last week then i would have the results now & i was supposed to be having a follow up consultation with the nurse & i couldnt cope with coming back next week.  

he settled for me doing a pee on a stick (neg) said that i couldnt have an ectopic then but didnt know why i had been in so much pain ( bit concerned about that) & then i FINALLY got to see the senior fertility nurse.  she apologised as she had expected to see me but my file had just been handed to next available doc when i arrived.

i then had a lovely positive follow up consultation which really made all the difference.  if i hadnt insisted on seeing her & gone through all the blood tests instead i would be an emotional mess right now.  instead she made me feel loads better saying that the signs were good as i could get pg although i had had 2 miscarriages now  & she would reccomend when i go for FET to take baby aspirin & try acupuncture & that my embies had all been good quality & they couldnt say why i had mc its just one of those things. 

SO now i will be waiting in anticipation for my next two AF's - wont ever have looked forward to them arriving so much before in my life!  sorry for the me me me essay but thats it im up to date now!! 

hope everyone is ok

lol  mo x


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## Hun

Hiya Munchkins

I'm back! US trip ok and  just recovering from the jetlag which always seems magnified on business trips...you have hit the ground running. Baseline on Monday for me, and just one short trip to Brussels next week and I'm done for a bit....yippee!!!!

Mo- Sorry to hear the outcome wasn't good, but glad you finally got some closure, and can look forward to your next cycle.

Helena - Great levels sweetie. How are you feeling at the possibility of 2  beans in there? take care and maybe see you soon?

Suzy - So glad to hear you made it the 2ww, with some blasts on board. This just has to be the one for you!!! I am praying again!!

Teen - Hoping the 2ww flies by for you.

Spangle, Scoop - good luck with the FETs....

jojo - You have EC the day I have baseline - so you are a bit ahead of me....wishing you much luck for monday!!

Emma- Glad to hear the ES appointment went ok for you - I think its a great thing to do if you are able. CJ - any news on your start dates for ES?

Scruffy - Please stay and post here for just as long as you want. Its ok. And we would miss you if you went.

Betty - great news on your 20w scan - and really excited to hear you are having a boy.

Does anyone know about Karen - she had tx abroad about last Sep/Oct and must be due anytime soon, if not already popped.

Anyway love and babydust sprinkles to y'all - and its nice to be back!
Hun xx
Hun xx

ooooooppps - that will be my dual personality   from nearly 4 weeks of down regging then.... felt like a right druggy stabbing in the toilets at the airport!!


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## spangle

Hello everyone, 

FET day changed from Thursday to today- dd 4th Birthday !! A good omen ??  

Well had 3 blasts put back- amazingly out of 8 frosties 3 made it to blast. One was hatching/hatched this has never happenend before. The other 2 were getting ready for hatching. I saw all 3 on the screen. It is the first transfer without dh who took dd to Mcdonald's for a treat on her birthday. A bouncy castle arrived this morning so got in loads of bouncing before transfer.    Has been a fab day and tomorrow is her party with friends coming- is mad but fab  . Finished cake and is ace- Dream Castle- One of turrets is on the wonk a bit !!!   Took hours to do.

Scoop- Have managed to listen once to cd is great. What is yours called ?

Jules- Will mail a picture of cake to you asap. Had a lovely day on our trip. It is a precious moments week this week. 

Betty- Congrats on a boy. 

Jojo- Good luck for Monday. 

Mo- Hugs

Teen- Hello. You are slightly ahead of me. When have you been told to test ?  

Suzy- How long have you got to go now ?  

Emma- So hope everything works out for you. 

Hello to anyone I have missed. Thank you for feed back on resting idea.

Enjoy a fun weekend,

love

Spangle


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## suzy

Hi ladies,

New home this way - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,60624.0.html


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