# Seasonal Blues



## Lyndsey30

Does anyone else really struggle with this time of year? I have always LOVED Christmas but now I just feel that Christmas without children is pointless. I see other peoples children (including my nieces and nephew) enjoying this magical time and getting more and more excited about Father Christmas as the weeks go by and it breaks my heart a bit that I can't have the big family Christmas I dream about . Am I the only one who feels like this? 
When we first started ttc, I was fairly positive but it just gets harder and harder as the years go by! Every year when we put the tree up, I have a bit of a wobble and  my husband hugs me and says that we could have a baby by next Christmas and we shouldn't lose hope. I know he's right but it's so hard!! Trying to be more positive this year cos we are due to start IUI in Jan. Fingers crossed for a promising 2016!


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## Lolem

You're not the only one. Every year we say 'maybe by this time next year...' . 
I had a miscarriage in March and just can't get into the swing of things this year. It all seems a bit pointless. I'm going through Ivf right now so just focussing on that instead. 
Fingers crossed we both have a better xmas next year. Or maybe this year... There is still time...


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## Lyndsey30

Really sorry to hear about your miscarriage, Lolem! I can only imagine how hard that is. Wishing you all the luck in the world with the IVF! Really hope we both get our Christmas wishes soon x


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## mattysmrs

I hate this time of year. On Sunday I will be another year older and another year childless. I have been saying 'this time next year' every year for the last 6 and now I'm right fed up. I hate new year for the same reason. I now refuse to say it! Sorry for the rant just feeling low. But wanted u to know ur most certainly not alone xx


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## donna80

Your so not alone, 

Me and dh have said the same for years hopefully next year.. I too suffered a miscarriage in August so it's feeling extra hard This year (I lost my dad at christmas time too) and as my cousin only found out a few weeks ago that she is over 4 months pregnant and her baby is due 4 days before ours would of been, 
this Christmas we are with my in laws and with sil and her family,  
My way of dealing with it is i have most of my xmas shopping done before the decorations go up in the shops so I only have to make one or two trips in to town when it's in full hype, and I buy my tree a new angel or dove decoration every year for my parents and a baby witch hasn't yet come in to our lives, 
I am cycling again now but struggling to feel hopefuL due to my last loss,  
Xx


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## Me Myself and I

Dear Ladies,
This IS such a hard time of year when chilldess and so desperately wanting that elusive baby.
As a singley my situation was slightly different in as much as I never thought that the love of my life and I would part, I never anticipated getting to late thirties childless, even though I had been told it was so unlikely I would ever conceive.
Just before Christmas of the year I decided that I would bite the bullet, I spoke to family etc and then wham bam, a close family member announced their pregnancy and of course they hadn't even really been trying! I spent so long in tears, of course I didn't wish them any ill, but it felt like they were having the baby that should have been mine, iykwim, as though there is a finite number of babies available!
A year later, and lots of challenges and treatment, I was pregnant come that Christmas. 
Compared to many of you, this may seem unfair to have happened within a year, and is not meant to be a slap in the face to you, but rather on of hope, that I was told I would unlikely ever conceive, I did and I managed it before I turned forty! 
I agree this time of year for me now is very different. Before I would make sure rather then avoid it, which is so appealing I know, I tried to 'embrace' it, by having a decorating the tree day with all of my siblings children, each with their own decoration for the tree. Serving hot chocolate, biscuits and load cheesy Christmas music. This didn't stop the ache, but I suppose it gave me a little piece of that festive feeling in the absence of my longed for lo to share with. I started my OWN tradition. I have continued with it, and now this year will be the first year I shall have a lo who will no doubt undo our good work decorating, but will be very much part of it! Perhaps you could start a tradition of your own?

Hoping that Santa leaves that extra something in your stockings this year.
Good luck ladies and DO try to keep strong.


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## Lyndsey30

I am truly overwhelmed with the replies I've had to this post, it's so easy to think that you're alone in feeling this way. I'll admit to shedding a tear when reading about your miscarriages Lolem and Donna80, my heart goes out to you. Donna, that is so lovely to buy a Christmas tree decoration for the baby you've yet to have and I think I may start doing this!! 
Last year I coped by volunteering to work a 12hr shift Christmas day. I told my husband it was to let other people in work who have small children have Christmas day with their families but I think in reality it was to hide away from another childless Christmas. This year I don't want to hide away, I'm really going to try and be positive and keep hoping 2016 will be our year, 5 years down the line and this gets harder but I'm determined. 
Mattysmrs, don't apologise, I can relate to everything you said and personally, I think it helps to get all the negative feelings out. 

Whilst reading everyone's stories broke my heart (AF is due so everything is making me sob!) I am comforted by the knowledge that I'm not alone and we are all in this awful journey together in some way. If that makes sense? 
Me, myself and I, thanks for your story and giving me some hope. Let's hope we are all as lucky as you and have the babies we long to have xx


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## Sah78

Glad I found this thread I feel down especially on Christmas Eve the years I have wished for the best Christmas present. It happens to some people so easily. 

Last year my sister in law posted something on ******** saying when I was a child I loved Christmas now I have children Christmas is even better.. What a kick in the gut when she knew what we are going though( people don't understand infertility) The other time I find differcult is Mother's Day. 

Sorry for the bitter post 😔


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## Wantafamily

Hi I totally understand too, as after 9 miscarriages in 9 years, it is so likely that we will not have a family Christmas ever. The sadness I feel every Christmas is overwhelming and I can't stand the ******** updates. I know of about 15 pregnancies announced over the past few months and I'm becoming very sad about it!

I'm determined to have a nice Xmas either way as il go into a very sad place if I don't.

Wishing everyone love and all the best.


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## maire2012

Totally agree, its a tough time of the year. Last night was tough for us, hubby came back with a gift from one of his sister in laws...and it was basically a calendar with a photo of everyones children for each month of  the year, knowing what we have been through! I promptly put it in the bin. If this makes me an awful person, then so be it.  Im sick of the thoughtlessness by in laws. So Bah humbug to them...lol


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## sandyman

Hi, I haven't had a chance to read all the posts on here, as I am currently involved in Christmas... This is our first Christmas since properly finding out we are infertile, and we just got our BFN, which obviously sucks. 

I am currently truly hating Christmas... December was meant to be our free month, no ivf talk, ect. Just lots of fun... But right now, I am watching the whole family coo over the new baby, which is obviously perfectly to be expected, but since my sister in law and her baby arrived, I feel like yue service staff. In the middle of that sentence I was asked to take photos of the family and their baby... Which obviously normally wouldn't matter, but right now its like a whole months worth of emotions are flooding in and being shoved in my face. Plus's mt period came this morning, yes, thanks mother nature for that. 

Any way, I should end my rant, as its rude to be on my phone... And I have chores to do! 

I could go on for longer. Sorry if this made no sense
X


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## Wishings15

It's my third year. It doesn't make it any easier with time..

I wish I was numb to it all!


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## Cloudy

Hugs to everyone struggling  

I used to adore Christmas but infertility took the shine and sparkle out of the season for me/us as it tends to just highlight the things that are missing from life. However in the last few years we have taken back our Christmas cheer and actually we both love it again. We have been on this journey too long to let it ruin everything. 

We have watched loads of stupid films, had lots of candles burning, gone to midnight mass, donated to charity in honour of our little ones memory, gone to watch horse racing, gone to the pub to watch/play darts and drink and eat crisps, had long walks (with pub/cake pitstops), stayed up late binge watching TV, not got up until noon, not got dressed, had a layer of milk tray for breakfast. Basically things we couldn't/wouldn't do with a child or baby in our life. It doesn't mean we walk around in constant Christmas cheer (in fact my Christmas Eve emotional meltdown was pretty epic, even for me) but we have had some lovely times and some good fun.

For us it's New Years Eve that we avoid: there is no fun in hearing "next year will be your year" for the 7th time. We will still do something nice at home and wish each other a happy new year, but just safe in the knowledge that we won't end up feeling like we want to smash someones face in  

Xxx


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## Bahhumbug

So...we made it to 4pm on the 27th before the big family pregnancy announcement! Cheers for that! Now its the inevitable jolly jolly jolly until they go home tomorrow and i can cry 
Sorry to be so ungracious. Wish i was less of a b*tch.
Love to all on here x x


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## maire2012

Bahhumbug you are a good person, you are just going through tough times like the rest of us.I have cried all of this Christmas...everything was families and children and people wrapped up in their announcements. 
And as I said in my previous post we were given a present of a calendar with everyones children...
Families can be really thoughtless and wrapped up in themselves.


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## Kaz1980

So glad I saw this post. I generally get so down at this time of year...putting up the Xmas tree for me is the worst as it's the time I think about another year of trying that's passed. I just can't believe how many years have gone by and how many failures (all different) we've had. I'm lucky to have not had any announcements from family/friends yet but my best friend is trying so I'm just waiting for the call. Dread it every day as I know I'll have to the be strong until the end of the call when I can collapse in tears and spend the next week picking myself up again. We aren't bad people though to feel like this. We're just having a really rough time. 

Hugs to you all.


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## Bahhumbug

Maire
That calendar is truly awful...some people, eh!
Honestly shocking
X


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## Angedelight

Hi all
I find posts like this so heartening- so nice to not feel alone. My husband and I have this tradition where he buys me a new tree bauble every year. The last few have been those personalised ones. I had a full on meltdown in town this year that YET again it would just be our names on it! He did suggest putting the dogs name on it but I said I didn't want another f**king bauble until there was 3 names on it whilst crying in public. It's the little things that set you off.
We couldn't start our treatment in November as I had a cyst then a weird long cycle and starting it in December with all the festive cheer going on felt too much. We made sure we had an amazing Christmas, lots of drinking, over eating and socialising. We decided not to go out NYE as feeling ill. Also had an alright year as not had any cycles so didn't feel like we had to go out with a bang and kiss goodbye to a hideous year like we have done other years.. Best decision ever as have started the NY feeling really positive and happy to go on full on detox mode. Looking to start in February now. So for the what has been the 4th year I've said it- hopefully this will our year!. Good luck everyone.
X


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## Me Myself and I

maire2012 said:


> And as I said in my previous post we were given a present of a calendar with everyone's children...
> Families can be really thoughtless and wrapped up in themselves.


For a decade I received these. I know how that feels BUT and I know this is hard - life for them IS moving on and they are trying to share that and spread a little of that joy. Imagine if everything was truly censored - then you would feel excluded and hurt, for different reasons, I am not doubting the hurt, but hoping that maybe one day you will see that the gift was given with love because YOU are THEIR family too!

Here's hoping that all of you ladies get a bauble with a third (or more) name on this year and can hand out proud Mummy gifts to all.

Hoping 2016 is the year for you - it's a leap year after all! And they are supposed to be lucky!


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## maire2012

Me myself and I, thanks for quoting me.. However there is a history there with our family that you don't know and I do. Both my husband and I know the intention behind the giving of that calendar and it wasn,t done with love or to include us.
They have been zero support throughout what we have been through, including a sister in law giving us a hard time because we had been through a loss and didnt immediately go through the details with her. 
I have no problem with people moving on and living their lives and realise that peoples children are the most important thing in the world to them, which is why we make sure to think of nieces and nephews on birthdays , Christmas and Easter. I am not asking for everything to be censored.

I thought I was safe in expressing my views on here...clearly not.


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## Me Myself and I

maire2012 said:


> I thought I was safe in expressing my views on here...clearly not.


I'm sorry you have taken my post as a dig - it wasn't intended as one, more a different perspective.
Emotions are obviously running high and if you think you KNOW the intentions of the gift to be given with malice, then that must be the case.
As for this being a safe place to express PoV, of course it is, but doesn't mean someone else may view it differently on occasion.
Hope 2016 is good for you.


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## maire2012

Me myself and I, thank you for the apology. you have given your perspective and I have explained where we are coming from. I have not gone into detail with some of the other stuff contained in the calendar. So kindly accept my view as the person directly involved with the calendar and the family member and regardless please do not turn this one place that I have into somewhere that Is negative. So please stop quoting me and move on.


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