# Looking to Start or Going Through Adoption 2005 Part 4



## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

New home girls...... heres the list, hope I'm as up to date as I should be. Good luck to everyone, lets keep the good news coming......

* Post matching *

*Karen *: Approved at panel on 22nd April. First little girl moved in on 8/11/04, second little girl moved in on 9/12/04

*Bex *(Bex32): Approved at panel in April. X moved in on 8/11/04. Sister due to move in soon.

*Ann*: Approved at panel on 4th November 2004. Matched to two girls, who moved in in January 2005.

*Cindy*: Approved at panel on 27th October 2004. Matched to a little boy who moved in Feb 2005.



* Post Panel/Awaiting Match *

*Caroline W*: Approved at panel in September, now awaiting a suitable match.

*Everhopeful*: Approved at Panel on 17th Feb 2005, now awaiting a suitable match. Confirmed preliminary match to a little girl panle in may 2005 for final approval.

*Mandy* (MSW): Approved at panel on 3/3/2005, now awaiting suitable match


 * Waiting for Panel Date/Panel Result *

*Nat* (Crazy): Home assessment finished, waiting for panel date



* Home Study/Prep Course *

*Ruth*: Currently doing home assessment. Assigned a new SW now moved house. Panel 2/6/2005

*Ang* (Molly 2003): Course completed awaiting allocation of SW

*Kylie* (Boomerang Girl): Allocated SW. prep course Jan/Feb 05.

*Homer & Marge*: Prep course September.

*Nicola *(NickyDuncanFinn): Prep course Feb 2005

*Nicky*: Currently doing assessment

*Shannis*: Prep course starts 2/9/04

*Morgana*: Allocated SW, currently on course and doing home study.

*Donnalee*: Home assessment started. Panel date of 7/7/05 given

* LB *: Prep course starts in Jan 2005

* Georgia * Prep course starts 2/2/05

*Tracey H*: Allocated SW and attending prep course in Feb 2005.

* JenniferF* prep course starts 7/3/05

*Pam (saphy75) * Prep course in the Spring of 2005

* Paddy * *Adopting from RUSSIA * SW visit completed and course starts 3/12/04

* Val 12 * Prep course starts Feb 2005

* Jude2 * Prep course starts April 2005

* Danielle * Initial visit done, waiting for prep course dates

* Magenta * initial visit 21/2/05, prep course August 2005



* Initial Stages *

*Nerys (lochness)* Attending Foster Care Open evening on 27/01/05

* HelenB * Information Day with LA 17th December

* Nic (Hopingforbaby) * Currently considering the adoption option 
* Flymypretties * Initial visit March 2005

* Natasha * Intro evening 11th Jan 2005

* michelledawn* Open evening w/c 14/3/05

* Tracey-new* Open evening w/c 14/3/05

* jainey* About to start the journey



* Oh where oh where can they be! *

*Carol *(allineedisamiracle): Currently doing home assessment (not sure if Carol is still posting?  )

*Jo *(jolene): Course completed, awaiting allocation of SW (not sure if Jolene is still posting?  )


Karen x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Karen

Thanks for you message and our new home! Can't wait to get onto post matching!

Hoping my worries are simply self-protection! Story so far, little xxxx has been freed for adoption, we have been chosen over other couples to consider xxxx, we have seen profile and photo's of xxxx and like very very much (!!) and following successful meeting and look-round of our home by child's sw - we've been given the firm nod to proceed!! We're meeting with foster mum and have date booked for panel and have been told that xxxx will be living with us within weeks (10-12 to be exact!!)........ surely no-one's thinking it could still go could pear-shaped are they? 
Child is freed for adoption and ready to roll, we've fallen head over heels for her, our sw approves, her sw and the adoption sw approves of us as a match.... is this it? Are we really going to be mummy and daddy?
I'm hoping beyond all hope that this works out, because we're already thinking she's our little girl.

"Our" little girl is gorgeous! She is 18 months old and seems like a right little character! She has brown curly hair and the most beautiful dark eyes with long pretty lashes, and a cheeky smile! We cannot wait to see a video of her and especially see her for ourselves!
Only 10 weeks to go til panel and then... well our lives will change forever (but my god, are we ready for it?!!)

I'll be in touch.


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Thanks for your prompt responce Karen, it's such a minefield. i learnt everything i had to do do with IVF and now i am having to research all over again. Your process of 22 months is such a lond time. We have a 3 1/2 year old son and would love him to have a brother or sister within the next 12 to 18 months, and one that is under 12 months!!! am i being too obtermistic.....i bet your all thinking "she hasn't got a clue what's in store"

We have to finish our fertility treatment before the assessment can start and that should all be over by June. 

Do you have to have a period of time after treatment has finished before you can start the assessment of is it immediatly? We have been thinking about adoption for 2 years or so now so it's not sonething we have to come to terms with. I would hate to finish treatment then have to wait 6 months before we can be assessed.

So many questions!!!!!!!!


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

one more question....

I am concerned about the 'open adoptions' that seem to be promotes these days. Do you mind me asking if your daughters have any contact with their birth parents and how does it feel.

If this question is too personnel just ignore it.

Thanks  Fiona


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## HHH (Nov 13, 2004)

I have been following this thread for months. We have been waiting for places on our LA training courses since OCt and are very likely to be on the next ones in June. We should know after Easter and I am soooooooo longing to get the go ahead.
Since deciding firmly on adoption as the way forward for us i have been reading eagerly and am really ready for the next step.
I can't wait to see my name moving up the list on here and to be sharing positive news with you all.........

Frustratingly eager, HHH


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Fiona1 - our local authority says there has to be a year's wait after finishing fertility treatment before looking into adoption seriously.

All the best to everyone

Jenny


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Girls.

Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee a new home, Thanks Karen for all your hard work.  your a star.

Hi HHH, so glad things are starting to move along for you now. It will be great to share your journey to becoming a mummy with you. 

Fiona1. In my exp, most LA's do like you to have given up on IVF etc for between 6 and 12 months. The best thing to do is phone around as many LA's etc as you can to find out there policys to see which one has the shortest waiting time, you can apply to any with about a 50 mile radius of your home. Also things can move fairly fast if you are lucky. The adpotion bill of 2002 says that people should be approved within 9 months of first contacting an LA. I think this has to be inplace across the Uk by next year 2006 and I know my LA did work to those time scales. So good Luck. But the post aproval wait can be anything from weeks, to months to years  bit like how long is a piece of string!!!!!!!!!!!

No news from me yet. My SW is on holiday this week, but we do have this cosortuim day to keep us focused on the 26th of April.
Oh, also bought paint for the nursey today, it is a lilac colour called Rodeo drive   

Ever, things are looking really good for you buddy, she sounds like a real sweety, 18/12 what a great age. Will be looking out for your updates.

Better go to sleep as it is late, but just needed my daily fix of FF 

Night Night Mandyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

MSw,

Thanks for your reply, We live in Guernsey so sadly cannot "shop around" different LA's. Phoned up today and the adoption officer is off sick for a month....not a great start. I hope they don't make us wait to start the process. We finish IVF in May and want to start straight away on the adoption assessment. What they need to know is that we have been looking into this for 2 years so it's not a rash decision and something we have to come to terms with.

Will keep you all informed with our progress.

Does anyone know how supportive LA's are of overseas adoption. We are thinking of going to Russia but don't know if they will be less willing to assess us. We are expecting to have to pay for the assessment anyway so that shouldn't make a difference.

Thanks again to you all for your answers

Fiona


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## Nicky Duncan-Finn (Jan 26, 2004)

Hi Ladies

I hope that this message finds you all well.  Whilst I have not actively posted over the last few months, I have continued to follow everyone's progress.  It has been so educational and inspiring reading everyone's stories.  Many Many Congratulations to all of the new mums and dads out there, I hope that your little ones are well.  Good luck also to everyone else currently going through or looking to go through the process.

Karen, I have attempted below a short update on our position to help keep your records up to  date. 

After making initial contact with our agency last September, we completed prepare to care andlodged our application in March.  We have now had our furst home study meeting and are scheduled I beleieve for panel in June.  We are very excited about how quick the agency intends to process our application.

We are hoping to go for either 2/3 children between the ages of 0-5/6. 

As we are reletively new to everything, coud any one confirm if we are supposed to have our house fully ready for the arrival of rospective children when we go to panel.  I ask this question as I would feel odd kitting out bedrooms/the house etc prior to actually knowing if we were approved or not.  When have other postees started to prepare the house etc?

We would really appreciate some advice.

Best wishes to you all


Nicola


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi,

Fiona, you are probably in a unique situation out there in Guernsey. Over here on the main land it doesn't seem to be the LAs that do the assessments for foreign adoptions. When we first enquired it was an independent (ex-social worker) agency who did them. But Guernsey might very well be different. 

I could be very wrong on this, and it might have been only the opinion of our SW but I got the distinct feeling that LAs dissapprove of foreign adoptions.....but easiest thing is to ask them. I think the thinking is that children grow up with a better sense of identity if they grow up in their country of origin.....even if it's in an orphanage.

As for open adoptions....you'll learn a lot about them when you do your prep course. You can make a judgement then yourself if you think it's a good thing or not. I think under the right sort of circumstances it can be very positive for the children involved. Maybe not so obviously at the time it happens but for later years when they want to know more about their history........but this is all just theory in my head.......still waiting to put it into practise!

Nicola, we're going to panel on june 2nd....and will probably be in the middle of building an extension on our house at that time. It's due to be finished by end of the summer. So, kitting out for kids will definately not be done by then. Our Sw thought that there's at least a 3 month wait after panel...even if they have a match in mind you still have to wait for further approval and meeting s etc, so don't worry about it. We're waiting till we have a better idea of when/who/howmany/ etc....

Mandy good luck for your consortium day.......which are the counties that are included? 

better go do some work I suppose.......thanx Karen for the updates....how do you find the time!!

XXRuth.


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Girls

Going to try and do a quick post now that I have two sleeping (and teething) little girls, hopefully they won't wake so I can get my fix.  Doesn't help as I've got a cold too, so a really crabby household here!

Ever - your little girl sounds lovely.  I know how luck y I was to go through this part of the process relatively unscathed but there have been couples turned down by panel in our area, so I'd keep in self preservation mode.  Sending lots of postive thoughts to you 

Fiona - most LA's get you to wait 6 months between treatment and starting the process just ot be sure you've got it out of your system.  In terms of contact, both Dh and I couldn't go through with face to face, we have twice yearly post box contact with the girl's BP's including a photo once a year.  The Reviewing and Assessing Officer thought they might not reply and wanted it like a quid pro quo arrangement where if they didn't reply we wouldn't send anything either, but we said no to that, even if they don't reply we will keep to the deal, we don't want the girls resenting us in later life for being petty.

Mandy - good luck for 26th April.  What do they do at these consortium days, is it when the share what they have on their books those that they can't place in their own areas?

Ruth - good luck with the house extension.

Nicky - hope June's panel date comes through for you.

HHH - welcome to the crew, I'll add you to the next list.

Right off to scour the rest of the boards.

Bye for now
Love
Karen x


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Hi Nicky

good luck with your journey - sounds like we may be panneling together  - we have been advised that we will go to panel in June too!

good luck with your home visits my dh and i have really enjoyed our visits with SW - its like a trip down memory lane!

We are also hoping for siblings between the ages of 2-6.

LB
X


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

My little angel (NOT!) is finally down for his nap so I thought I'd have a quick pop on-line.

Ever, congratulations on the news of your little girl, she sounds gourgeous.  I think you're right to keep in self preservation mode, unfortunately the only time you know you're relatively safe is when the child comes home with you (and I don't think you're ever totally ready but it's worth it  ).  Hopefully the next few weeks will go quickly and not seem too unbearable, it must be nice to get a video, we only ever saw a photo.  

Fiona, welcome to the board, unfortunately most agencies insist on a post tx waiting period to ensure that you're fully over the failure of the tx before you tackle the stress of the adoption process.  I know what you mean about being ready to move on, we always had adoption in our minds as an option if the IVF had failed and because we weren't getting any younger didn't want to hang around.  Unfortunately the whole adoption process can often take time because it's often a case of the right child being available at the right time which can be a matter of luck as much as anything else.  We were lucky with our little boy because there were no other suitable adopters in our area but sometimes there can be more than one possible set of parents for a child, especially a baby (which is any child under 2).  All I can suggest is that you contact your local agencies and try and get as much information as you can.  As for the open adoption question, contact can vary from none to face to face visits.  Often it is what they call a postbox contact where you post a non-addressed letter to a Social Services postbox and they forward it on to birth parents and send you any replies.  You can only agree to what you feel comfortable with.  We have an annual postbox agreement with XXXXX's birth mum which we are happy to do.

Mandy, good luck with the consortium day, let's hope they find you the perfect match.  Fingers crossed for you.  I must admit I was surprised by the description Rodeo Drive for lilac, are you sure there aren't any sparkly bits mixed up with the paint      Happy decorating.

Ruth, I don't think it's just a case of the authorities thinking that a child should be brought up in their own country, I think it's also that there are so many children in this UK that the agencies feel keener to get their children placed first.  Good luck with the extension.

Nicky, a June panel sounds good, hope the home assessment goes well.  As for preparation, we did not decorating/shopping until we were officially matched with XXXXX.  We decided that when you are approved for 0-5 yr olds there can be a big difference on what you need for a 1 year old to what you need for a 5 year old.  Also we didn't know at the time whether we would have 1 or 2 children and therefore which room to decorate!!  
Obviously when we were matched it was fairly frantic   

HHH fingers crossed you do get on the June course.

Karen, Ruth is right how do you find the time to keep everyone updated with 2 children.  I find the 1 hectic enough    Sorry to hear you have a cold, I know how miserable it can be especially if you have 2 crabby teething children as well.  Hope you get better soon.

Our honeymoon period is definitely over.  XXXXX has settled in really well and so has decided that he wants to start imposing his own rules, like not lying down on the changing mat to have his nappy change.  Average change time has now gone up from 5 mins to 20 mins as he is too strong for me to hold with one hand.  You know you're a mother when you are chasing an escaping naked child around the bathroom with a large piece of poo on his bottom.  I bet you can't wait to join in the fun girls    
I would like to point out that this is offset by when he gives me a cuddle or when he's asleep in his cot looking like a little angel.  General rule of thumb, when they are awake you might sometimes wish you could put them to bed and when they're in bed you might wish you could pick them up.

We're off to spend the weekend with my parents.  I've suddenly become more popular with my family and they can't wait to see me or is it somebody with me?  

Hope everyone has a great Easter

love
Cindy


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Cindy

Motherhood sounds fab    poohy bottoms and all. Will let you know if rodeo drive is a cool as it sounds!!!!!!!!!!!!

My latest new is we have finally revieved our approval in black and white, the letter arrived yeatseday, so another piece of paper for the scrap book 

Spent the day cleaning as a bottle of mulled wine left over from xmas decided to explode all over the kitchen last night   grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I think the moral of this tale is drink alcohol as soon as you get it 

Been out tonight with our frineds for tea and definatly not stuck to Weight watchers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but have lost 1/2 a stone this month.

Currently our SW is on holiday as i am sure many of them are, and our form f will have just landed on their desk, so roll on 26th of April when we will meet all the SW from the consortium and hopefully they will see us as a potential match.

Have a good Easter.

Mandyx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Mandy

Well done on your 1/2stone!!! Balls to dieting over easter - any extra pounds you gain with the chocolate eggs surely will be worked off with all that running around you're going to be doing - after your child, I mean!! Good luck with the consortium, keeping fingers crossed that something comes up for you very soon.
I know how frustrating it is when our sw's are all on holiday (how dare they?!!). I rang SS in the week to try to get some reassurance from someone in the absence of our SW - nobody there to take my call  And there was me thinking Easter was a 3/4 day event! Silly me!

Have a good Easter - hoping this will be our last as non-mums!! Roll on the days when we're all too busy making easter buns and decorating eggs to hide. to come on this forum!

Happy Easter to everyone!


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Hi Ladies....

Well I have just got back from a 6 day camping trip with my 3 nephews and Niece in the New Forest...and had a fab time, although a little bit too chilly at night!....

Anyway our news is that on 21st March we were approved at panel!!!!!!!!!!!!.......

The Legal chap was sitting in on our panel and they had already agreed before we went in and didnt even have to ask any questions!...so here we are hoping that the next call we get will be about a possible match but have been warned that we face around 12-18month wait so we have been told to get on with our lives....which we plan to make the most of!!...

I havent had a chance to catch up on previous posts so will do so over the next few days..

Karen- Would appreciate you cahnging my details on the next update...something I thought was never going to happen!!

Love Natsxxx


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## Nicky Duncan-Finn (Jan 26, 2004)

Crazy

Many congratulations on your recent panel approval

Nicky


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Crazy - huge congratulations to you    Glad you had a nice time camping and yes I am sure it was cold at night - rather you than me as I was tucked up in my nice warm bed  

All the best to everyone

Jenny


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## jude2 (Oct 2, 2004)

Hi everybody,
There is always so much to catch up on when I manage to get on here now.

Ever:  congratulations, your little girl sounds lovely, really hope all goes well.

Crazy:  congratulations on being matched.

Sorry I can't reply to everybody personally!

Our news is just continuing with home study and doing loads of reading (well I am, husband is less keen!).  We have had 4 visits and are doing prep course in a couple of weeks.  Had a fair amount of homework.  This weeks we have to write our family profile.  Feels a bit daunting as she said to think of it as selling ourselves to a child's sw.  

My husband is feeling a bit unkeen about the prep course, as he is not too keen on the role playing idea etc.  Did anybody else have this (and then can hopefulyl tell me that their husband found it a lot better than they were expecting!).

Good luck to everybody,

Love
Judith
xxx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

hey ladies

i hope you dont me posting-me and my husband are now thinking long and hard about adoption-at the weekend my mother in law came out with the strangest thing-she said she would love any child we had thru adoption no differant then as if it was our on biological child-reason it was strange was we have never told her we are thinking of this route!

a little info about me- we have been ttc for way to long as you can tell by our ticker(not  sure if the ticker is a good thing or bad!!) sadly no luck yet-my dh is fine however i suffer really badly with pcos-we have done 6 cycles of clomid and i didnt respond to any of them and we have just tryed to do an iui cycle however i didnt respond to drug at all and we found out today that after us waiting 9months on waitlist for iui it looks like we will have to go on bottom of waitlist for ivf as our consultant thinks that if he ups the drugs i will over respond-to be totally honest we both want out of this whole IF treatment thing.

we are moving over the next few months back to the north east of england and are gonna spend this time saving for a private ivf attemp however while we save we are gonna spend this time thinking if we can out ourselves thru this or if we wanna spend the money towards adoption

i have been watching this thread for a while and it makes me feel positive when i saw both bex and karen start there family

i hope i have made sense and not board any of you and would welcome any thoughts or info 

thanks

Mez
xxxx


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Mez.

Maybe your mother in law was secretly saying 'i know your having trouble having a family'

i am very open about my treatment and have discussed adoption with my parents as i feel it is important that they don't treat any child we adopt differently to our son we gave birth to. My mother has assured us that she too could love any future grandchildren in the same way as she loves the grandson she already has.

the only thing that makes me sad at adopting is not having our child from birth.

fiona


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## helenb (Oct 30, 2004)

Hi all,

Haven't been on here for a while - lots to catch up on.  Congratulations Mandy, Ever and Crazy for your approval.  Any more news on your little girl yet Ever? Everyone else seems to be moving along nicely too!

We start our home study on 18th April - feeling very excited!!!  Can you please update me on the list Karen?  Thanks!

We've told our family etc about our adoption plans and on the whole they're over the moon!  My Mum in particular was really sweet and told my Dad he was going to be a Grandad again... just didn't know when or to how many!!  Really lovely to know they will treat any adopted grandchildren the same as the two they've already got.

Hope everyone is keeping well.  Any tips as we start our home study?!

Helen
X


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Judith - you can tell your husband that there is lots of getting in huddles with other people on the preparation course and some role playing.  I was disappointed that I wasn't able to do things as a couple but that my husband got sent to one corner of the room with others while I got sent to another corner with others to work out our thoughts on various scenarios concerning adopted children but that is just how they do things.  My husband thoroughly enjoyed the course from start to finish and it was a long one - 6 full days and one evening.  At the end everyone swapped telephone numbers and there is talk of a 6 monthly reunion so it is a nice way to make friends.  Hope your husband enjoys the preparation course after all.

All the best

Jenny


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

hey ladies

well i emailed 3 differant agencies last night and 1 has rang me and one emailed me-talk about quick!!!

in regard to the mother in law-out of alll our family she is the one who knows everything we have been thru as she is the one who has been woith me to appointments that my husband couldnt make-think she just wants us to finally get to be the parents we wanrt to be.

massive hugs and lots of respect to you all

love

mez
xxx


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## bex32 (Sep 18, 2004)

Evening all.xx Have been reading the posts and am thrilled at the matching of crazey and hope all is going to plan with you ever... Mez, welcome to the wonderful world of adoption!!  Good luck in your journey, it is sooo worth it.

GREAT NEWS!!! We are now a family of 4!! We went to our reapproval today and were matched with our little boys sister as we had hoped.  xxxxx will be 5 months when she is placed with us next friday!!  We go to a planning meeting on Tuesday and then go and meet her for the first time.  We hope the intros will be completed by friday and then our family is complete... It is surreal, 17 months from the start of our adoption journey and we have all we could ever dream of.  A beautiful beautiful bouncing and boy he loves jumping 21 month old son and a 5 month old baby girl!!!  We are so thrilled, all the gloomy IVF years have vanished and we have our family at last!!  We have really enjoyed the adoption process because even whilst waiting for a match we knew that in time we would be parents... So by thinking that all the time, kept the gloom away... We were approved in the April and matched in the Aug, at the time it seemed like forever, every day you wait for the phone to ring, but when it does things move quick, so enjoy your time waiting...

I last posted about xxxx being a bit of a pickle, he still is, but were getting use to chilling about his tantrums and are coping with him much better.  Next week will be interesting, he gets v jealous even if the cat snuggles into me, so we will make extra time for him whilst we all adjust to our new addition.

So i have the summer off with my kids and boy are we going to enjoy it!! I feel all grown up! a mummy and daddy at last!!

Will keep you all posted on how we get on.  Lots of love and luck to every one, keep positive, there is a baby out there for you all, you never know what is going on in the world and nor do the social workers when they tell you there are no babies, we stuck to our first choice and it paid off.  Speak soon love Becky xxx


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## Wizz (Nov 6, 2002)

Bex - what wonderful news so pleased for you 

Mez - sounds  like you have great mil

crazy - really pleased to hear your news - good luck with matching

we have been to an LA info evening tonight. Their next available preparation course isn't until the end of this year but actually it probably suits us fine as we're not quite through with the Tx process yet and so will probably have one more go... 

As we're "in the system" in that we've already done the info evenng!  - i hope that we wil be able to pick up the start of the process quite easily if we decide to go with adoption. Was quite encouraged with what I heard  - they're very keen to encourage prosepctive parents to "shop around" in terms of agencies. The refer approved adoptive parents straight to the local consortium and the national register and they don't charge for medicals... sounds fine. The main nmegative poitne was that they don't have many  preparation courses but as we're still not completely committed an issue for us at present.

anyway - hope everything is OK for the rest of you 
take care
wizz


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Wow  I miss a couple of days and we have lots of exciting news.

Nat - congratulations to you on getting approved, hope you don't have to wait too long.  What ages did you go for?

Mez - welcome and great news that you herd back so quickly form the agencies.

Helen - good luck for the start of your home study.

Bex - Wow how things change eh!  Good luck for the arrival of ****'s little sister.  I am sure he will be fine with it, just takes them a little adjusting.  Remember to emphasise all the things he can do that she can't.  Our eldest thinks she's all big and clever that she can do things her sister can't and that's why Mummy has to help her sister!!

Wizz - good luck to you.  Hope the tx works and you don't have to start the journey, but welcome all the same.

Nothing much going on her.  I have one terribly clingy little girl (eldest) who never stops gabbing from the minute she wakes to the minute she goes to sleep.  Draining but funny as she comes out with somenew stuff everyday, although I wish she'd learn to stop saying Mummy just for the hell of it, I keep turning round in a panic thinking something's wrong.  Littl'un is not far off walking so can't wait to experience first steps.  Doing intro's at their new nursery this week and they start 1 day a week from 15/4 and then 3 days per week when I go back to work in July.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Bye for now
Karen x


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## movinggirl (Mar 29, 2005)

Hi,

Just a small note for Fiona1. 

In a former life I was a children's social worker - so can tell you a little about the time frames for children going through the adoption process. Looking at adopting a child under 12 months, although not impossible is improbable. If the child has come to need adopting via a 'care order' (IE not voluntarily given up by the birth parents) the court process can seem very drawn out. This is not as bad as it used to be as professionals now have to work to what is called the juridical protocol - meaning from start to finish the court process should be completed in 40 weeks. In most cases, all of this time is used and a little more - specifically if there are hold-ups IE can't get birth parents and child into an assessment unit, a guardian is not appointed. Thus a child would have to be new born at the time the court becomes involved (IE the interim care order is taken out.) for prosective adoptors looking at a child under a year. 

The advise I would give is to think about the age carefully. Of course you want a child as young as possible, as adoption opens up so many other issues you do not have to even think about with your own children and the child will have had a while life experience you will only know about through records. Discuss it with your partner and child and the assessing social worker. Most panels I have worked with would agree that an adopted child needs to be younger than a birth child already in the home. 

Finally, all the adoptors I have worked with have been the most amazing people. So good luck


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Becky 

great news on the matching of XXXXX's sister - enjoy every moment and fantastic that your family is complete

LB
X


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Karen, I think you're right, disappear for a few days and it all happens!!

Just a quick post, feeling a bit under the weather, don't know what's going on but since I became a Mummy I seem to pick up every virus going.   

Natalie, many congratulations on your news, that must have been a great coming home present.  Even better that you didn't get asked anything, I felt like we were at a job interview at our panel!!  Fingers crossed you get matched up quickly.

Becky, you must be feeling great knowing that your little boy is to become the big brother to your daughter.   Can't wait to hear how she settles in.  As for XXXX being a pickle, unfortunately I think a toddler isn't normal if they don't come with some tantrums.  Our XXXXX can let out the loudest shriek when he's losing his temper (he's not the most patient child in the world and God forbid we don't get his dinner ready quickly enough  ), fortunately his tantrums don't last long but as he's 6 months younger than your boy there's still scope for him to get worse!!!

Wizz, fingers crossed for your tx but it's good to know you're having positive feedback from the agencies.

Mez, welcome to the board, it must be great to get such positive thoughts from your mil.

Karen, I know exactly what you mean about them not stopping gabbing, only as our son only has a vocabulary of about 3 words (Da, Mama and Bye) I haven't got a clue most of the time what he's gabbing about  .   It will be interesting to see how your girls settle in at the nursery as it's something I'm considering later for XXXX possibly for a morning or two.  I think it might be a good thing socially for him and also it obviously allows me to increase my income.

Hope everyone else is well but I need to get to my bed.

love
Cindy


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi girls

Cindy - sorry you've been feeling run down. Hope you feel better soon xx

Mandy - any news from your end? The consortium day will whizz round.. let's face it this year is flying by! Hope you hear something very soon xx

Everyone else - hope you've all had a good easter - I've not noticed it's been holiday time - work work work!! No rest for the wicked... well I might as well put some hours in while I'm still there, hopefully won't be working over next few bank holidays!! Six months off, bliss! Just back intime for the christmas mayhem!!

Well we've got our meeting with xxxx's foster mum on Friday, so feeling nervous and excited about that. I know we don't have to be approved by her but still want to impress, and we're dying to learn everything about the little girl! 

Bye for now


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

hey ladies

how you all doing?

i need to ask you all for a bit of advise- what made you finally decide enough was enough for doing treatment and moving to adoption?

At the mo me and stu are 80% for adoption and 20% for trying treatment again - we have a review with our consultant on 18th april about our iui ( i didnt respond to the puregon and now they think we should do ivf),which will help us decide more but i dont want to have the "what might have been thoughts".

massive hugs

Love

Mez
xxxx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

hiya mez

we decided to give up on tx and go for adoption because we both knew we couldn't face anymore tx and also i wanted desperatley to be a mummy (wasn't looking forward to the pregnancy and giving birth thing anyway)   it just felt the right thing for us to do. maybe you should give ivf a go so at least you will of given it your best shot, but only you can decide what is right for you.

good luck

pam xx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

hi pam

thank you so much for your reply-like you im not to intrested in the preg and birth bit just wanna be a mummy!  we are gonna see what our consultant says in 2weeks and go from there

massive hugs and good luck

love

Mez
xxxx


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi all,

whats going on! I come back from a few days holidays and my email is totally chokka with notifications from this thread!

Congrats to all who've reached new mile stones! So many since last on here........afraid to mention individuals in case I forget someone.

Looks like there will be a glut of us going to panel in June!! Roll on summer!

Mez, we didn't actually have any treatment. We were told we needed ICSI but as we'd already planned on adopting (big history of it in our families) after we'd had one/two of our own, when we learned this would be difficult we decided to go straight for the adoption route.

All you Mums sound crazy busy!! Can't wait to be in your shoes!

XXRuth.


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## helenb (Oct 30, 2004)

Hi Mez,

I had a bad reaction to clomid and so didn't fancy any more treatment.  We were offered IVF but not sure about the ethics of that.  We were offered a ethnical alternative but, after my reaction to the so called milder drugs I didn't really fancy it.  At the end of the day I just want to be a Mum!  (and I'm not over fussed on the whole pregnancy / birth thing either!!) Also one of my best friends is adopted and I've seen what a great impact that's had on her life so that helped sway the decision!

Good luck in whatever you decide - only you can make the right decision for what's best for you and dh. 

This site, and everyone on it, is such an inspiration!!

Helen


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Mez

I struggled with the "what to do?" problem, I think it came down to advice from our consultant in the end... he deemed me to be infertile aswell as dh (pretty unlucky!) and pointed out how ill I'd become during treatment. I really became cushioned in the ivf satefy net... the wonderful people who looked after us and knew all we'd been through etc etc - in other words I was more concerned about leaving them behind, than becoming pregnant (which I'd come to realise months before anyway). It's a toughy, I know... but go with your heart and you'll know when it feels right.

I'll leave you with a phrase I heard just after we'd made the decision to adopt, and it really made my mind up....

"You have to decide what's more important, becoming pregnant or having a family"

Good luck xx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Mez

Our decision was made after we found out dh was azoospermic.  He was happy for me to do a donor cycle but I said "No" as I wanted the children to be both of ours or neither.  If it worked I could not face carrying what in effect would be someone else's baby.

Good luck
Karen x


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## HHH (Nov 13, 2004)

Hello

hurrah have been invited on training days in June!! The first big step!!

Mez, we had one go at ICSI - we had thought about adoption before hand but had been led to believe adopting a young child was out of the question. However after ICSI failed - and we were both devastated and stressed-we met with a sw who advised us adopting a younger child would be possible. it was an agonising decision for me but deep down i knew that having a family was more important to me than being pregnant and giving birth to my own child - so here we are excited about taking one of the first steps on our journey to become a family.

HHH


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

HHH 

 on the training days, june will soon be here i start my training next tuesday and i cant believe how quick the last 5 weeks have gone   

good luck

pam xx


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi all,

enjoy the training days....I really did, as did my DH despite me having to drag him there! 

I've a quick question but not sure if it's too detailed?? If you think it is then don't worry about answereing it on the messageboard, but if it's alright it might be helpful for others.

With the list of conditions/issues relating to prospective children where you have to tick one of three boxes.......we were really confused. I understood the two definately interested/definately not interested options, but what did you guys take the third option to mean. We ended up going for: would need more info on said child to put it into context.....does that sound reasonable?

Did anyone else worry about being coming across as too negative here about things like medical conditions/autism etc..??

XXRuth.


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Hi

Just thought I would pop in, not much going on my end. We had our letter through just to confirm we are now approved and that was about it....so 2 weeks down and worst case scenario, 78 to go!!!...acutally it doesnt sound that bad when you say it like that...maybe its just me, I seem to have lost the concept of time with the adoption seeing most things take so long!   

Ruthiebabe - We ticked what we felt was right and then the SW spent one session with us going through it in more detail. She led us to believe that when they autism or something it was on the worst case scale so to speak. We felt that they didnt really give enough detail about such serious questions and she even involved her superior byt then end of it. Im sure that once you discuss it with your sw then you will be a bit more understanding of the details...re coming across negative, its tough but at the end of the day we were told to be honest, this will go towards a match and so you need to be hoinest with yourself. Some people are able to care for a child with problems, others are not, it doenst make you a bad person....I hope this helped?!

Pam- Just want to say lots of luck for your prep group next week, I knwo that you will thoroughly enjoy them!

HHH- Great news on the June dates, as Pam said the time will fly by and you will be well on your way...

everhopeful- I wish you all the very best for Friday and hope that you come away with a big smile and a spring in your step!  

Mandy - How is WW coming on are you still being good and sticking to it?!....Hoping you get some news real soon.

Hi to the rest of the gang, hope you are all ok and we have some more new mums soon!

Love Natsxx


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi all

Ever, thanks for thinking of me buddy, good luck for Friday 

Nats, WW is going Ok I have lost 1/2 a stone but wish it was coming of quicker . 

Pam, good luck with your training it is really informative, you will learn such a lot and it is great to meet other couples who are also going to adopt. We have kept in touch with 2 couples who we met on the training.

Well buddys I really needs a boost as I think I have the post panel blues . I know it has only been just over a month since panel and with the easter hols in between things are bound to be slow, but i just want the phone to ring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. 

I think I am finding work hard because in the back of my mind I keep thinking, Oh i must get this done quickly in case I am not here in a few months time . I am definatly loosing the plot.

Thanks for listening i know you all understand.

TTFN Mandyxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

thanks for all the good luck wishes guys. i'm getting quite nervous already so goodness knows what i'll be like next monday   it's the thought of roll play scaring me but the nice lady who came to do our CRB check said i can hide behind her if i want  

everything crossed your phones start ringing soon mandy and nats

pam xx


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

hiya all, long time no post but we have finished our prep course and are awaiting a sw, which we have been told the wait from now will be 1-3 months. not great but not a shock as our lea has always taken ages at each stage due to staff shortages.  

the prep course was good- very emotionally draining, but as I put on my evaluation form, has taken me from feeling like I am aware of issues (from all the reading they recomended) to having strategies to deal with issues. especilly attachment and developing resilience.

just a couple of things that were different for us than someothers have had based on posts-
we didn't have to do role play (yey!)

and only on two occasions throughout the four days were we indifferent groups for the groupwork sessions. in fact one of the best aspects was spending time with dh working through these issues!

secondly, ruthiebabe, on the last day our area matching officer spoke and said about those yes no or limited questions, that she found it hard to interpret what couples meant when they put limited, and if they explained each limited and what they would consider (either as part of the form f, or an add- on sent to her) it would make her life much easier.

I guess like where it has, for example, the questions about medical conditions- it might be that you put limited because you would be happy to hve a diabetic child but felt unable to cope with another illness, so if you explained this the officer would know what to consider you for and what not to.

yes I think it is hard putting a no to a section and I think we will feel guilty to a degree, but it has to be what you are happy with and can manage because it is for life and its better for each child if it is the most suitable match.  I teach special needs, so I know what is involved in parenting a child with severe learning difficulties, and I'm not prepared to make that life choice.  I've talked to the social workers and they are fine with that. similarly some people aren't comfortable with a high risk of mental illness because of experiences with a family member- which is fine too.  Its tough, but the best match for a child is someone who is completely accepting of their needs, so being honest with that section will benefit you and the children in the long run.

fiona- I know it is frustrating when you feel ready but have to wait, but it is just how the system works, and most of us have been through it- a pain I know, but maybe time to arm yourself with knowledge by reading some of the excellent books around?  I guess they want to know that you are at peace with the infertility tx side of things and that adopting is a choice you have made in its own right, not just a "last choice".  sometimes stying commitedto adopting even when they make you wait is what proves that to the sw.


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

hey ladies

how you doing?

thanlk you so much for all your replys in regard to "what made you decided".

we have said we will se what our consultant has to say a week on mon and go from there!!!

today i recived some info from one agency who i spoke to on mon, they sent me a lovely personalised letter and said to call for a socail worker to come and answer and questions and that if we wanted they could get us on there next prep course which is next month!!! omg how quick!

well i feel so at "home" with you ladies!

thank you again for you help

love

Mez
xxxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Girls

Saphy - good luck for your course next week.  Thankfully we didin't have to do role play and like Kylie spent most of the time in groups with my dh.

HHH - good luck for your course too.  It will be here before you know it.

Ruth - In terms of the tick boxes we did it precisely the way you have.  Definite Yes's and No's and then Would consider depending upon information provided.  We had alot in the latter box and spent a session with our social worker putting these into context.  The way we did was I photocopied the sheet.  I did one and Rich did one and then we agreed on a composite one.  We then discussed this with our SW and changed a few.  We took the decisions based on how we felt about parenting a child in those circumstances and thinking about the fact I would have to go back to work full time.  Don't feel guilty about having so few in the Yes column.  I think we only had 6.

Kylie - well done on finishing your course, hope you don't have to wait too long to be assigned your SW

Mandy - I spent my time at work just as you are now.  I am sure once the consortium day happens things will move for you.  Just make the most of the time you and Dh have before the kids arrived as there are so many things we didn't get around to doing that we now find difficult.

Mez - good luck with your consultant's appt.  A good response too from your Local Authority.

Well nothing much going on here.  Need the weather to buck its ideas up so the girls can go outside in their ball pool (Grandma and Grandad's gift for Easter).  The girls start nursery next week so I can do adult things (well and clean the house) every Friday now!!

Bye for now
Love
Karen x


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

hiya,
I'm just amazed on how the course has changed our veiw on me going back to work. as far as we are concerned, financial implications aside, I will have the year at home  then do part time, either by permanent contract or supply teaching.  there is no way I feel I could go into this without the option of doing so, as opposed to back to work after six months four days a week.. we have even talked tonight about moving to a "cheaper" area of kent so we can pay off my car loan and have a lower mortgage. thing is, here in kent, there is time to do so before we even go to panel!!! 

I'm also considering, long term, a slight or major change in career. I'd love to get into outreach work through special needs, plus would love the opportunity to retrain at nights (something to start with now?) and do a post grad number in counselling. I'd love to be involved in fertility counselling or life coaching (don't worry, I am not in the least airy fairy- more about developing resilience).

kylie
x 
ps. I used to go into the chat last year, but I lost my password. anyone know who tocontact to get it back?


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## bex32 (Sep 18, 2004)

Evening all!!  Great to catch up on everyones news, lots of luck to those who are waiting and those who are about to start their prep courses.

Our news... we met our daughter yesterday and she is just beautiful!! smile, smile, giggle, giggle. She is just 5 months and a real baby baby!! Today she came to our house and met her true brother xxxx. He was excited and very gentle with her.  We were alone for a while whilst the FP went out with their children, who just loved seeing xxxx.  Both our children had been with the same FP so it was nice for them to see how xxxx had settled in and what he can do now. The boys just love him and they played happily whilst i fed the baby bird...  It has been emotional, knowing we have now the family we have dreamed of for years, thats it, all done, no more prep course, medicals etc, we so near to being a family and living it! So roll on friday when she will be brought to us at 10.30. We will then be a family and we hope live happily ever after!!  xxxxx is here all day tomorrow, i am looking forward to using the double buggy, the neighbours curtains will be twitching!! I never knew you were pregant! i am sure to be asked as we venture into town!! HA HA i say, i;m to posh to push!! Weve have our kids the trendy way! Pregancy and mother hood comes easy to many but those who adopt show and have real commitment to being a family, i am sure our children will value that.  This is what my husband said to me, when i had a moment of " i wonder what our kids would of looked like?" We have a family after a struggle and emotional time but it is so worth it!! I now feel we were ment to adopt, it feels so natural and when you are hands on 24/7 you don't think of the kids origin. Their ours and deserve all the love and looking after they should have.  Better go, i am rambling.  Will let you know who we get on after xxxxx is placed and wheter me and DH are still speaking!!  Love and hugs to all Becky xxxx


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Morning all.

Bex, so happy for you and DH. It is great news that by Friday you will be a complete family . Your post just shines with pride and love for you children. And is helps all of us who are still waiting.

Karen, thanks for thinking of me. I know i will hopefully feel better after the 26th when we meet all the SW's in the consortium. We did have a nice romantic night away last weekend with DH and sister and hubby and planning a trip to baraclona in May for our 7th wedding aniversery, plus we are decorating the nursery, so trying to keep busy . 

TTFN Mandyxx


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi 

Me again  Well i'm no good at sitting around waiting for news so I gave our SW a call this afternoon as we haven't spoken for 3 weeks due to holidays etc.

And he said he was planning to call us next week as we have had an enquirey about our form F        but he is still finding out all about it so can't tell me any more at the moment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is hoping to come and vist us next Tuesday. he did warn me that is could be something or nothing but he would let us know either way next week.

I know non of this is definate and it could all pan out to nothing but i can't help feeling a bit excited     and just had to share it with someone.

Roll on next week when we may have some more good news.


TTFN Mandyxxx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

wow mandy great news hun, i hope this is the one i'll keep everything crossed for you   

pam xx


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

oh becky what a lovely post, I've got goosebumps allover! enjoy your family, baby bird sounds gorgeous!

kylie
x


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi all,

another quick question....seems the closer we get to panel the more anxious I am getting about silly things. We have our medicals tomorrow (£125 each!) and I'm now concerned that our GP is going to say we're not healthy enough.......i know I'm being silly as we are both fit and well, but we're both a bit overweight. And I had that blip with high BP after I fell off my bike..... Did any of you get any comments on your medicals about weight?? 

Do your GPs tell you what they reported back to the SWs?

stress, stress...... 

XXRuth.


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Bex

What a lovely, lovely post. I am so pleased for you

Love Lou xxxx


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

Fantastic post Bex, I'm so pleased for you and your family, and look forward to hearing all about them at every opportunity    

Love 

Jayne x


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

hi ruhtie,
firstly surprised your meds cost so much, the recommended amount is more like 75 each. secondly, my gp peed his pants at my stress( I know my bmi andit was at the time just over 25- is now about 23- but i doubt unless its over 30 it would be a prob!!)

also- what a good gp to do appts on a saturday!

the big one for me was the depresion about the inferility- spent a good few months on anti depressants. gp's view is there isnodiff between me nd the general public,but we'll see.


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Great news *Bex * - you must be thrilled. I've thought the same about neighbours and their curtain twitching this weekend! Most of ours don't know "our story" and all of a sudden there's us carring in Mothercare and ToysRUs bags!!!! It's fun to keep them guessing though!
Enjoy your family! 

Keeping fingers and toes crossed for you *Mandy* 
Let's hope your SW bring you some great news very soon... thinking of you! 

Here in "ever-land" we've had our meeting with foster parents and things are still on target... giving notice to my boss tomorrow.... 26 weeks adoption leave here I come! Oh my goodness... after all this time, we've now only got 4 weeks til matching panel and 5 weeks til we meet our xxxx (princess) !!!!!


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Ever

WOW only five weeks till you meet your little princess  Just enough time to shop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Have fun. Can't wait to hear more news. What's it like up on ?

We have just painted the nursey today, Rodeo Drive( thats the colour of the paint for thoes who missed the last post hee,hee) looks great   also put up a blackout lilac blind and the curtain pole. Now i've just got to hope we get some good news soon about who will be sleeping in there.   

TTFN Mandyxxxx


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hello everyone,

I came across this article about adoption and thought I would share it with you all

http://www.child.org.uk/html/malta.php/articles/25/

Everhopeful and MSW - you both sound so excited. Can't wait to be in your shoes myself. I am waiting for my home study to begin 

All the best to everyone else

Jenny


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

HELP !!!


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Whoops   i don't know how i managed to post that then  

what i was going to say is :

help, our prep course starts tomorrow and i am sooooo nervous, is it ok if my dh wears jeans and t-shirt or will they think he's a scruff ?? i'm wearing black trousers and a smartish top. i really hope i don't have to stand up and speak in front of everyone as i have a massive phobia of it and feel very sick just thinking i might have to do it   

thanks, pam xx


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## molly2003 (Mar 28, 2003)

saphy75 said:


> Whoops  i don't know how i managed to post that then
> 
> what i was going to say is :
> 
> ...


hi pam we did our preps last year and it was good. i felt just like you. my fella put jeans on and so did i .wear what you feel best in as they can be long .we did ours over 2 days and was ok . i did enjoy it .there are people like me and you nothing different.good luck dont worry love molly. we have a s-worker comeing our 1st app with them come to our house so having to run round today and clean up and have to run hun. xxx


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi Pam, the people on our preparation course dressed casual smart and that included wearing jeans.  None of the men wore a tie or suit, although some did wear shirts but open necked.  Think a smart t-shirt would be ok    

Re speaking at the front - I had to go out to the front and talk to the group which I hated but I only had to do it once just to show that I could if I had to, otherwise it shows a big lack of confidence in yourself and your abilities.  The reason they like you to do this is because if your child was bullied at school (just for an example) you would have to be confident enough to go and speak to the teacher/head etc about this.  As time passed and we all got to know each other well in the group (our course was a week long) some people didn't mind speaking out in the front of the group whenever it was suggested and even volunteered - my husband included.  He chose to speak out at the front about 7 times but it wasn't expected of him as a rule.  The people on the course are just like you and so no-one judges you as they have all been in the same boat.  No-one is judging your performance out at the front - they are just dreading their turn    Good luck - you will be fine as the course is nothing to worry about and some people even enjoy them - my husband certainly did.

All the best

Jenny


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Hi everyone

Wow looks like theres so much going on now, its hard to keep up!

Jenny- Thanks for that link ,it was a very interesting read and im sure that some of us will agree that our feelings are pretty normal! Hope you get some news on your home studdy soon..

Pam - As Jenny said, smart casual done us, although no offence but there was one scruffy couple that was on our group and they were fine. At the end of the day its about your ability not what you wear...so wahtever you are comfy in, but my dh wore jeans, t-shirt and a cap....
Re talking out loud, I was really nervous too, but you have to remember that everyone else is too...we had some good confidence building sessions at the start which made it easier for us to talk. I will say that your effort at the prep group is commented on in the F1 report so its nice to show that you can speak out loud.
I just know that you will feel really at home once you get going...we thoroughly enjoyed ours..

Mandy - hope you get some wicked news this week!!..keeping everything crossed..

Ruth - hope your medicals went ok....I will say that our dr didnt make comment on my weight but it was noted in the F1 form and also discussed at the panel...I have a BMI of 33 which I know is overweight but I am a very active person and my thyroid problem makes it hard to lose weight....anyway the medical advisor reckons that I should be 8.5 stone and a BMI of 20!!.....yeah right, there is no way in my wildest dreams that I would ever be that!. Anyway what im saying is that unless you are grossley overweight it wont be a problem....it doesnt make you a bad parent and you SW will always back you up!

Anyway hi to everyone else...

Take care

Love Natsxxx


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi,

I was just flapping it seems (again! ......medical went fine. yes I'd probably feel the benefit of losing some weight but it's nothing for the doc to comment on in the forms it seems! can't believe it! Now it's just the panel to go! Am on my way home now to take lots of photos of nephews etc for our album!

tata
XXRuth.


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Folks

Bex - Lovely news on your new addition.  Good luck for Friday

Kylie - I went into it thinking I would love to give up work, but I know it sounds awful, I'm not the stay at home type and now feel the need to go back, the routine can be mind numbingly boring, although Motherhood is fab!

Mandy - hope you have some news on the potential match, but keep your feet on the floor!!

Ruth - Glad to hear the medical went ok, although very expensive (we paid £36 each).  they picked up on my dh's weight.  He's 6ft 4 and built like the proverbial and we had our medicals just after the exesses of Xmas!  It was commented on at panle adn he had shed a stone in weight by that point.

Ever - Congrats on the meeting with the FP's.  Good luck for panle and for meeting your princess.

Pam - good luck for the course.  I am used to public speaking and was quite happy to stand up.  However dh hated it, but felt alot more relaxed as the course went on.  He was ok talking but sttuttered alot to find the right words.  We went smart/casual on the first day just until we sussed out what everyone else was wearing, but as it was summer and blazing hot at the time and the room had no air we all ended up in summer dresses, shorts etc

Not much going on here.  Eldest is ill again and so we are not doing very much.  Youngest is still teething and I can see a good 4 teeeth waiting to explode through her gums.  I've lost 6lb and I'm now the proud owner of a cycle trailer so plan to take the girls out in it when the weather improves (and I've fathomed out how it attaches to my bike!!)

Best go time for naps to end.

TTFN
Karen x


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Bex, so pleased to hear your news, how exciting for you.  Can't wait to hear that she's settled in and your family is all together at last.

Pam, my DH wore jeans and most of the people on our course were smart casual, we didn't have to stand up in front of everybody and speak it was just like a general forum.  I'm sure tomorrow will be fine and you will really enjoy it.


Mandy, pleased the decorating has gone well, hope you get an occupant for your nursery soon.  I still smile when I see Rodeo Drive as a description for lilac, it just makes me think of Pretty Woman (you know the shopping street!!) not nurseries!   

Ruth, glad to hear the medical went well, don't talk to me about weight my BMI definitely needs reducing.

Karen, you're obviously doing well losing 6lb must be running after those two girls of you.  Sorry to hear that your eldest is poorly it's not very nice when they're ill, is it?  As for teething, XXXXX's got about 8 at the front with 2 coming out at the back, I think  .  I say I think because I try to count them when he's got his mouth open wide.  I made the mistake of trying to feel them with my finger and found out exactly how hard they are as he thought it would be fun to bite me.  I think maybe I should just let him go ahead next time and count the imprint!!!!   

Gotta go as I'm a bit behind at work and am doing some from home.

Hope everyone else is well.
love
Cindy


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi all

Thanks for you messages of support, karen, Cindy,Nats etc. We  our news has moved on a little. Our Sw phoned to say he can't make it tomorrow  so it will now be either Thursday night or friday afternoon. I am hoping for thursday, becasue the sooner the better before I burst!!! .


But...............................................he did tell me that the little one he is hoping to come and tell us about is.......



A 7 month old baby boy   . 

As you say Karen,  must try to keep my feet on the ground but it is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard.

Roll on Thursday.


TTFN a very happy , excited,stressed

Mandyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Mandy

Great news, just get the hammer and nails out and root yourself to the floor!!!!!!

  !!!!!

Good luck for Thurs/Fri

Karen x


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Saphy

How did the course go and more to the  point............

what did you wear  

seriously - hope you enjoyed it and felt that it was enlightening.  and how about dh?

LB


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Love this thread..... seriously if my next cycle doesnt go according to plan I will be joining you, actually thinking about making a few enquires before anyway. I know there is a waiting thing. We have been thinking long and hard for months about this, and I finally feel that after so many failed attempts I may be ready to give up IVF.

Re my breakdown and depression caused by IVF how much of a problem do you think this could be, it really worrys me  

Love Lou xxxx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

hiya

LB   we opted for casual clothing   

i'm exhausted   sooooo much info thrown at you all at once, my head was thumping by the time we got home but we did enjoy today and it was great to listen to a couple who had just gone through the whole process. 

luckily we didn't all have to speak in front of everybody but i did find myself getting involved and speaking out quite a lot   and also we have been told there will be no role play (yeehaaa!!!) we have come away with a folder full of info and a baaf book to look through and we will be working from them throughout the prep courses and also the home study.

right i'm off to get a glass of wine and relax for a bit now try to re-couperate for the next course on sat

pam xx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Mandy...

That's exciting news for you.... try to keep yourself grounded (I know it's hard)... don't let yourself get carried away just incase - but good luck,
I will be thinking of you!!!

Fingers and toes and everything crossed!!!!


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Guys

Well our Sw phoned this afternoon to say he could come round tonight after all   .

He brought the form E of a little boy age 7.5 months and we have decided to go ahead, soooooooooooooooooooo hopefully i am going to be a mummy to a bouncy baby boy  .

Our Sw will contact his Sw on Friday and then arrange for us to meet her, unfortunatly this will be a while away as she is very busy, so will have to try and keep my feet on the ground till then (where are the nails!!)

We have been told his name, which is nice, and one we would have choosen ourselves. Just now want to see a photo and then meet him 

TTFN Mandyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Mandy - how lovely for you.  He really is a little baby.  We were told it was very unusual to get a baby under 12 months in our area, due to all the red tape.  Fantastic news.  Your council really seems a good one to be with for adoption.

All the best

Jenny


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Mandy - great news - will be keeping everything crossed for you!

Saphy - hope you enjoyed your glass/bottle of wine reckon you deserved it  - pleased you found the course enlightening - there is alot to take in but yousound really positive 

quick update we have now finished our home study - cannot believe it went so quickly - we have had our medicals today and they were ok!
we are now waiting to see completed form F from SW and have potential date in June for panel - but will wait confirmation before i post it!

take care all
LB
X


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Lou - lovely to see you posting, hope the cycle works but if it doesn't we would welcome you with open arms.  I think LA's expect people who've been through IVF etc to have had some form of depression/anxiety.  They need to be certain that you will cope in future with lots of significant life changes.

Mandy - great news, do get those nails, still a way to go yet, but an exciting time for you and dh.

Pam - glad you enjoyeed the course, get recharged with your vino!!

LB - wow that's gone really quick, hope its a June panel (looks like that could be a lucky month on here)

Best go eldest has just woken.

Bye for now
Love
Karen x


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

hey ladies

how are you all?

pam-so glad you enjoyed the course-you have made me feel better about doing it! hope you enjoyed your well earnt wine!!

lou-im in same boat as you in reguard to doing on move cycle then giving up and i too have had serve depression and been signed off work due to it for months due to IF stuff

massive hugs

love

Mez
xxx


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## bex32 (Sep 18, 2004)

Evening all... time for an update on our new addition!!
Our baby bird xxxx came to live with us on Friday and i don't think life can get much better than this!!  We are having the best time!  xxxx has bonded with her really well, kisses her and tells everyone "baby" and jumps up and down.  I was worried he would be really jealous but apart from a few clingy moments he is very accepting of her..  
We have been following the Gina Ford feeding routine and i no some people don't favour it,but it is working really well for us.. She sleeps throughout the night, so we are coping with the busy days.  xxxxx is really pretty, tiny for 5 months, she is still in 3-6 months clothes so you just want to cuddle her all the time...she smiles all the time and is very content.  The move from the foster parents to us doesn't seem to have unsettled her at all. amazing how adaptable they are.  So thats us sorted.  A pigeon pair! I keep wanting to take a deep breath and sigh, the thought that our infertility journey is over, no more waiting, prodding, feeling miserable. 5 years of not knowing has come to a close and a wonderful new journey has started...i just can't believe it at time, its over whelming.  Now we just have to live it and enjoy it.  I feel like i have come alive again, the old me is back... Sounds a bit dramatic doesn't it, but were both loving it.. So lots of love and luck to you all as you continue on your journies, you will all one day be in our situation.. i know it just can't come quick enough...
Well the 10 o clock feed is approaching, better go and see my daughter! she's not shy in letting us know when her feed is late!!
Will write again soon love Becky xxx


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## Sara M (Aug 4, 2003)

Just a quickie girls!!!


I check this thread all the time to keep an eye on all your news.

Mandy - Huge congratulations on being matched with a baby boy!!! Can't wait to hear all abot your family!!!

Bex - Your post brought a lump to my throat. How wonderful it was to see you signing off with going to seee your daughter!!!! Your post reads as if you are alive and no it doesn't sound silly to say that!! Again I can't wait to hear more about your family!!!
Big hugs for you and your son and daughter!!!!!


Sara


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Mandy, huge congratulations on the news of your baby boy.  Has your SW given any indication of how long process might take?  You must be a bundle of nerves, I know I was when we were told about XXXXX.  Fingers crossed everything goes really quickly and smoothly for you.

Bex, your post sounds lovely, what a perfect end to your journey.  Looking forward to many more happy posts.

Pam, glad to hear you're enjoying the course, they are quite tiring and you'll definitely need a glass of wine!!

LB, good news about the panel, won't be long.

Lou, you wouldn't be human if IF didn't have a depressing effect on you.  Karen is right I think it''s more about proving that you've managed to get over it and that it's made you stronger to face what life throws at you.  However, fingers crossed that your next cycle works out.

No news here just normal routine, it's Wednesday so it was Music with Mummy.  Unfortunately Junior fell asleep in the car on the way and was in no mood for the noise and burst into tears.  On one hand I felt so sad for him that he was upset but I must admit there was a tiny part of me that felt really happy because I was his Mummy and he was clinging to me for comfort.  Fortunately he came round later in time to bang on the drum (recommendations to all you Mums to Be, don't buy your child a drum kit!!  ).

I've got to buy a blackout blind because he's waking up earlier with the sunny mornings.  Tomorrow we've got a SW visit at 9.00 so I'm sure he'll pick tomorrow to lie in.  

Karen, it can't be long until your 13 weeks are up?  How did the girls take to the nursery visit?

love
Cindy


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Cindy

The thirteen weeks is up now, youngest has been here 18 weeks and eldest 22 weeks.  However we are having a few problems with the eldest one so want to continue with the support of Social Services for the time being.  Not going to be too hasty about it.

Glad to hear you and your little man are having fun.

Bex - lovely post, nice to read about your little man bonding with his sister.

Best go need to get some jobs done, whilst they are asleep and before I take the girls to nursery and I'm off to Tesco's!!

Karen x


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

hey ladies

bex-i have followed your story since youn got matched with your son and now you have a daughter too-enjoy every minuet of it xxxx

karen-you are a real inspration for me! hope you get your eldest sorted out!

well as for me we are now further forward in which way to turn- ivf or adoption-had a review with our consultant today  to see where we go after our first iui was canx due to slow/p[oor response and he has now said IVF but going to bottom of waitlist! so we have sat on a waitlist for 9months to then start iui to then stop and now go to bottom of yet another yr or so list! we move in 4 weeks and then on hols for 2 then dh and i live 350 miles apart for 6 weeks while i finish college so gonna try and forget about it till july(yeah yeah i know who are we kidding!!)

massive hugs to you all and youo all give me so much hope that one day i will hear those words "mummy" and they are ment for me !

love

Mez
xxx


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Girls

Bex LOVELY post just wonderful to read.

Thanks for your encouragement, its been worrying me a while to be honest.

Is there any particular books any of you would recommend we read in preparation?

Amazing to see how many of you are Mummys now and so many of you will be soon! Fabulous

Lots of love


Lou xxxx


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## GAIL M (Apr 26, 2003)

Bex,

Absolutely delighted for you and your family  

Luv
gailx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Great news about your possible match Mandy... hope baby boy's sw meets you and makes their decision fairly quickly so you can crack open the champers!!
Can't wait to hear your next episode! Keeping everything crossed for you and dh!
 Thanks for sharing your story with us Bex.... it's really heart warming to hear about your precious family.

Update from me.... only 3 weeks left to work! OMG!


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## blueeyes (Jun 19, 2004)

Hi
It is wonderful to read your stories on here
I used to look on here alot and had tried to contact our LA without much success but then DH had some health problems so haven't looked til now. 

Karen and Bex-It is great to read that you have such wonderful families and for Cindy too. it doesn't seem like 5 mins since I last looked on here and your first kiddies were coming home for the first time.

My dH and I are waiting for the results of SSR to see if he has any sperm at all. 
But I wondered what made you all decide on adoption instead of donor eggs/or sperm. 
I work in the NHS and come across children being adopted and some of them seem so 'damaged' and I am not sure that DH and I could cope and provide them with the right care. 
I know it is selfish of me but i would love a 'normal' child and due to me being the main breadwinner I would need to work so it would be difficult for us to cope with a child with special needs. 
I'm also worried about my age I'm 35 and does that have implications for us??
Sorry to ask so many questions, this all makes me sound quite demanding but these are some of the issues we are struggling with and I would be so grateful for yur advice. 

Wishing you all so much luck in achieving your dreams

much love
xxx


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Girls, there's nothing on telly I want to watch so I thought I'd do a quick pop in whilst drinking my red wine (DH has got his nose stuck in a book!).

Lou, the only book I read is The Adoption Experience by Ann Morris which Karen has also read and recommended.

Mez, I feel for you with all this waiting, because of my age I did my tx privately but I had the initial investigations on the NHS and remember having to wait 13 months for my lap and dye, it is so frustrating.  I think you're doing the best thing in trying to forget it all in the meantime and getting on with the rest of your life, although it is often easier said than done.  Good luck with the move and enjoy your hols, are you going anywhere special?

Blueeyes, you're not being selfish in wanting a "normal" child.  After all the trauma of IF, it can be a bit daunting thinking of the problems that might come with adoption and I think the best tack is to really be honest with yourselves and any SWs on what you feel you can handle.  As for the age issue I don't think that will be a problem as you're not that old (you're 7 years younger than me!!!).  Most agencies seem to have a rough guideline of no more than 40 years between the parents and child so that gives you a reasonable scope.  As for the decision against donor eggs/sperm, as far as we were concerned the reason we wanted a baby was to be a demonstration of our love for each other (please feel free to hurl here  ).  We really wanted a family but I was never that bothered about being pg or giving birth.  If the baby couldn't belong to both of us we felt we would be happy to look after one of the many children who needed a home.   Adoption is a risk, there are damaged children out there and I must admit after the prep course when we were told about some of the issues that can occur we had to seriously think whether we could face the risk of ending up with a problem child.  However we decided that parenthood always contains risks as you don't know what your birth children can end up like.  At least with adoption there is support available.  Whatever you decide to do best of luck.

On a much lighter note, I would like to confirm that my last post turned out to be prophetic and my son did oversleep yesterday when the SW was due (he woke up at 7.40) and as we've got so used to him waking us up we forgot to set the alarm.   Whereas today when nothing was happening he goes back to waking up at 6.10!!!  Kids, you just can't rely on them   

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

love
Cindy


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## jude2 (Oct 2, 2004)

HI everybody,

Some lovely news on here.  bex so great you have your family complete now.  And Mandy, great news on your match.

Pam, I have just been on 2 day prep coursae, one more evening to go next week.  I enjoyed bits of it but found it veyr tiring and emotionally draining.  My husbadn really enjoyed it though adn just breezed through, but he is much more laid back than me.  Also he had a really 'normal' childhood and i didn't and I found going back over some fo the difficult things that I dealt with as a child made me quite upset.  We had to do quite a bit of standing up and talking.  I give presentations all the time in my job so did nto mind in principle, but one thing I found hard was talking through my childhood.  We had to make a collage to represent our childhood and then talk it through, and I had some difficult things to address.

However, I have found the other people on the course to be mostly very supportive and the SWs are generally great, though one is a bit forbidding.  Unfortunatley, one of the men on the course is very argumentative and a bad combative atmosphere developed.  he even told one of the SWs that she was 'po-faced' which I found rather shocking.  Anyway, things got better yesterday, btu i don;t think it is helpful for the sws to be feeling stressed.

I keep veering from thinking it was all fine and I did my best to thinking I sounded like I swallowed a book as I have done so much reading on adoption issues, or that they will think i am too emotional or something.  

Well, will jsut have to wait and see.  Am used to that.

I now have to write a 500 word profile of us.  Not looking forward to it.  I know other people jsut talked through their life etc with SW and she wrote it up and I would prefer that really.  Only because I feel a bit embarrassed writing something about how marvellous I am.  OUR sw told us to regard it as an advert for ourselves.  

Good luck to everybody:  sorry not to have too many personal messages for people, but I can't keep up with all the news!

love
Jude
xxx


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi All,

Cindy - I know this is a little late but congratulations on your little son!

Laine x


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

New home this way girls. Let's hope it is as positive as the last one.

Good luck to you all
Love
Karen x

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,27427.0.html


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