# Direct contact?



## Brummig (Jan 14, 2011)

After a long fight (sw 'lost' paperwork) we finally got letterbox contact sorted with a half sibling who lives with one of his relatives and got our first letter about 6 weeks ago and we responded. Another half sibling (a little older) has been adopted out of family, like our lo. This week we got a letterbox from them, and today we had an email from a sw saying they would like direct contact. Has anyone done this with another adopted sibling and how does it work? We have kept in touch with foster carers (our lo was with them for 18months, and we got on well) and we see them a couple of times a year. Has anyone else had direct contact with another adopted sibling?


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

We have just started direct contact with a sib. The sib is also adopted. It was lovely for us. We emailed first to get to know each other and then met at a local museum where we just hung out. For Pixie it was just like a play date. He is two. She is six and probably understood a bit more. This is something both sets of parents really wanted for their kids and we are glad they got on. It was lovely. I sometimes think in some circumstances direct contact can be better for them than being placed together. Good luck!


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

We have just started letterbox with older half sibling and intend to move on to direct contact when the time feels right. It won't be this year. LO is 2. I would be up for it but LO sibling is 4 and I don't think his adoptive family are ready quite yet. That's fine with us. It has to be right for everyone. No rush. In our first letter contact ( which we are doing independently of letterbox via email) we sent each other lovely photos too. 
Don't let the SW Rush you into anything if you are not ready but of course if you both are then I am sure it will be a lovely thing to do X


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Yes similar to others -I and adoptive mum of older sibs emailed back and forth and phoned too, then met up about a year or so after first contact. We try to say hi and update regularly and aim to meet once or twice a year.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I'm in a slight different situation. We do an annual direct contact with three older siblings all in separate foster care placements. So much higher risk I guess as they obviously all have monthly direct contact with BM. It's arranged via SS. My daughters lived with them for 2 years eldest and a few months younger before removal  so again different. I agreed as I  felt would be important to my Eldests sense of identity at this moment it isn't but I do believe it'll useful as they age and more questions. So I'm doing for future reference not now. If siblings were in adoptive families I personally would-be comfortable having much more contact as the security risks would be none. However if you are going to do it you need to feel comfortable or lo will be stressed by your stress. Good luck whatever you decide.


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## JParker (Feb 4, 2016)

I think direct contact is a great idea, firstly for your child, secondly for you.
It can be important for siblings to remain in touch if adopted into different families and such contact can be valuable for both adoptive families.  Moreover it`s additional experience to communicate with another parents, which can give some advices and can be a very good source of information and support.


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## liveinhope (Jan 8, 2008)

Our little lady is the youngest of a larger sibling group, who are placed in various combinations in 3 other adoptive placements.  when we first heard about her we were told of the expectation that there would be direct contact a couple of times a year which we agreed to.  We've done it once so far which was successful and will likely do it again in the summer.  At the moment it means very little to our daughter who is a year but in the future Im sure she will appreciate the information and time she will have with her birth siblings.  If at any point it wasn't right for our daughter then we would rethink as Im sure the others would do for their children if it wasn't working


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## weemoofrazz (Sep 6, 2013)

Brummig

I don't know your situation or age of your LO, but you have to be very careful that the siblings don't have any trauma bonds, or that your LO may have suffered at the hand of an older sibling. 

This months edition of AUK magazine is all about contact. An article that I wrote has been published in the magazine and is about our struggle to maintain direct contact for our LO and his older brother who remains in FC. 

In principle I am very much in favour of contact if it works for all the children involved. Our LO has very regular contact with his FC Brother whom he lived with for over 2 years, this is a brilliant experience for him and he has a very good bond to his FC brother, unfortunately no such bond with his full sibling.


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## Thepinklady (Apr 16, 2014)

Weemoofrazz I read your article this afternoon in the magazine and was fairly certain it was written by you. I think you did a great job. I enjoyed reading this months edition with the varied perspectives on contact. I think every situation is unique and in every case contact, direct, indirect or non may be appropriate and can be effective. Ultimately it is about what is right for the child and in the adoptive parents are in the best position to know what is best for their lo. Well done on a great article.


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