# What to Take FC for Intros



## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Dearest everyone who has completed or started intros... 

Have been thinking about what is appropriate to take my LO's FC during introductions. 

For example:  If it's a mealtime, do I offer to take food / dessert / make a cake / scones etc?

Are flowers / gift appropriate?  A 'Thank You' Card?

On the one hand I'll be going into a strangers house, but on the other, I feel like I know them already - she and he are giving me the most precious gift of parenthood - they have done a fabulous job caring for and raising the LO to date and fingers crossed, will be interested in keeping in touch to learn about LO's progress through life... 

Really keen to get the relationship off on the right footing - starting with information sharing on Monday week ... oh dear... I hadn't even begun to think about our first meeting    

What experiences have you had on meeting your FCs for the first time?  I would really appreciate your thoughts on how to ensure it's a positive experience


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

A thank you card is a good idea. We did this plus a gift of a nice photo frame. Lo's fc gave us a framed picture of the 3 of us so we would have felt awful if we hadn't got her anything. We just left food up to the fc.


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

It's difficult isn't it?  You're essentially wandering round a strangers house for a week, and it does feel awkward at times, no matter how nice they are.  

If it's not practical to eat around your visits (it may well be, depending on age of l/o and their bedtimes), I would simply ask.  If you're worried about seeming like you're inviting yourself for dinner, why not just say something like "oh, we'd like to eat lunch with l/o, if we bring some sandwiches is it OK to all have lunch together in your house?".  They might tell you not to bother and eat with them, but you're not putting any pressure on them.  We had another child to think about in our second set of intros so I just took her food with me, and because of how early our son ate and went to sleep, hubby and I went home for dinner.  The morning we got there early we did have a second breakfast at their house though, which was very welcome!  With the intros for our daughter it was a lot harder because f/c wasn't well and didn't like us in the slightest.  We were told to bring food and drink with us, which at least removed any doubt about the matter!  We just took a flask, lots of bottled water, and some packed lunch.  The weather was good so we ate with Wyxling outside most of the time.

Yes, I think a gift is appropriate for f/c whether you get on with them or not.  We got Bladelet's f/c a huge bunch of flowers and a card, thanking them for everything they'd done for our son and for us.  We also got a card for their older daughter.


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi,

Some FCs are given an allowance for intros - ours were very welcoming and we ate with them when around LO. First few days we had gaps so we went out just more for a break as we were all still strangers.

We gave flowers & chocs on last day with thank you card. We also got their own little boy a gift and a lovely card saying what a fab job he had been as a big brother which they really appreciated as he was finding it hard for LO to move on.
X


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## Jules11 (Jun 21, 2011)

We found the easiest approach was to speak to FC once all the SW's were out of the way.  We agreed plans for each day of intros, meals etc.  FC was relieved to have all of this agreed up front, she had met many very fussy adopters and had been worried to.  We also picked up coffees on the way from Starbucks during the very early morning starts when we arrived before LO was awake.  FC was up early to get ready before we arrived so she really appreciated the thought and understanding that it was all hard for her to.

We left gifts and cards until the end of intros, by then we felt better able to choose something FC would like,  FC was a keen gardener so we let LO choose a small tree that FC could plant in her garden to remember us all.  We have stayed in touch via text since LO came home, FC really appreciates us not "dropping" her once LO is home and enjoys hearing about progress.

Good luck with intros,  its a truly exceptional time you'll never forget.

Jules xx


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

Our FC was fab. She gave us lunch a couple of times so we effectively restocked her fridge so that she wasn't out of items she had fed us.

When we left we gave her a card, flowers, chocolates and wine....couldn't choose which to give and as she was so brilliant got all three. We also send her regular pics and at Christmas each year she will receive a card and updating photo, which she herself asked for.

I think a thank you of some sort is appropriate, although some people have such awful experiences I can see why they wouldn't.

X


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Our fc was amazing..we did take a bag of drinks and snacks which were left in the car just in case. We were fed and watered very well even brought sausage rolls and cakes on morning walk even though we offered. We had evening meals as well after bu ba had gone to bed. Breakfast waiting when we arrived at 7 they also offered us their sofa bed.

They had 2 children of their own and spoke about eating out somewhere over xmas so we brought them a pizza express vousher and a thank u card.  Bubba sends bday cards to them all and we probably  see them 2-3 times a year and regularly exchange emails.

We were very lucky


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

We didn't have that amazing a time although FC wasn't unkind. We weren't invited for meals and were placed at a local hotel so ate there mainly. 
We didn't get her any gift in the end, just gave her the photos we had taken during intros on the last day. We sent her a photo and huge 4/5 long text update after the first 1-2weeks of settling in and then at least twice more but she claimed she never received them and so we stopped. We have not spoken to her since which is a shame, although I am concerned that given how well our DS thrived once in our care that all his initial developmental delays may have been environmental, although you never know if that was just his nature.


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## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

As far as we were told during intro's most FC's are given an allowance for food ect during this time. Lo's fc were not that great but did feed and water us, but we ate out for lunch with lo and went home for supper as lo's supper was way to early for us. As for presents we gave them a photo frame with a picture of lo and a card and not had contact since.

Hope you have a lovely time during intro's and congratulations.

Skyblu.xxx


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## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Thanks everyone - it really does sound like a mixed bag of experiences in terms of your relationship with and welcome from FCs. Sorry to those whose experiences weren't as positive as you had hoped - I am hoping for a good experience and am a bit nervous as both my SW and Los SW say the female FC can be quite "prickly" initially whereas the make FC is lovely. 

There is a slight added combination in that it looks like they may initially foster Los sibling before placement with me, although the LA are looking to make me a FC for the sibling so the LO comes straight to me. 

I am quite a social and bubbly person - like you say you feel like you have to prove your worth as a parent all over again with the FC and so it's quite nerve wracking that they at least warm to you a little bit.

I will wait until towards the end of intros to decide on a gift - great advice as always


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## newmum (Jan 22, 2011)

Hey summer Tilly 

We've got intros on Wednesday and I was going to take some biscuits for FC and pack a few bits for us to take and leave in the car if we need them, sandwiches drinks etc

Will but them a small gift at end of intros when we know them a bit better

Anyway that's the plan


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## Emma-is-a-mummy (Jan 16, 2012)

Hiya, 

Little mans foster carer was fab when we arrived she showed us where all the Basics where and told us to help ourselves, they fed us lunch twice I think we didn't assume she's make us but she did and one night she made us dinner again we didn't assume we'd get anything just thought we'd grab something in the way back to the hotel but at dinner time she shouted teas ready  hehe. 

They where amazing we still keep in contact with them and when we left we gave them a tigger teddy bear as she always used to refer to little man as tigger we'd also taken a picture of him cuddling tigger the day before and had that framed and we gave a lovely card.

Hope this helps 
Emma xxx


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## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Thanks everyone - I think having something in my handbag (like a pack of cookies or similar) will be handy. 

Fingers crossed for a positive experience


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