# Work and going abroad for treatment



## janeup (Jan 15, 2005)

hi I am new here and have a question about ivi valencia. My DH and I are starting a DE programme there this year and have an initial consultation with them in May.  My major concern is how I can suddenly take time off work without the office wagging tongues. I work in a very conservative all male environment who wouldn't be sympathetic to the idea of me trying for a baby (I know, I know...and do intend to leave if no luck with this treatment but at the moment I need the security and income).  I was hoping to put aside the whole of late July/ August for transfer but now read that this prob. won't be possible?  Does anybody have any advice on how to take a few days off work at short notice?  What sort of time could I expect to take off work too?  My DH is in a much friendlier and supportive environment and would have no problem being with me.


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## roze (Mar 20, 2004)

I had a similar concern even though I worked in an office full of  women. I found male senior staff actually much more approachable about this- maybe fear of ' women's issues' or may be that they are more appreciative that its a big thing. My female bosses were either resentful of my still ttc or concerned that I would get pg and be less available to cover them when they sneaked off early to pick up their kids. I told them initially about IVF - the day before I was due to go in for EC a pile of work landed on my desk stressing me out completely- so after that I was more vague.  

My DH was able to discuss it with his own boss and they were very supportive of him, so whilst I was in hospital having EC,  on ' holiday',  he was at my bedside being given special paid leave to be there and then two days working at home looking after me.

Its difficult when you don't get much notice as in donor tx abroad.  I advised them I  may need time off (a week) for medical treatment/ small operation/hospitalisation  well in advance and that I could not be sure of the exact dates until a week or so before.  ( I gave them a 3 week window ). I offered them an explanatory letter from my GP which they did not want in the end.  I have to book this as annual leave, not sick leave.  I found that if you leave it as suitably vague or even faintly suggest it may be something gynaelogical, then no one will probe further. I would have though a full working week would be sufficent although last time for the FET as I did not have much leave left,  I flew out on the Sunday, had the tx on the MOnday, flew back on Tuesday and went back to work on the Wednesday.

Hope this helps. At the end of the day it is a priority over work.


roze xx


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## longbaygirl (Aug 19, 2004)

I did not divulge any details to work - none of their business. Just told them I was due to have a minor gyne op over the next few weeks but that I would not get much notice. When date was confirmed my supportive GP gave me a certificate for a week which said something like 'gyne investigations'.

Agree with Roze, there will always be another job, but how many chances to have a baby do you get?

Good luck


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## Jassie (Jan 27, 2006)

I was completely upfront with my boss. I told him that we had all but given up hope of having a family but that we had decided to give it a last try and have IVF. I said we desperately wanted to have children and this was our only option. I told him in confidence and he was very supportive. He said that children are the miracles of life and that we should grasp every opportunity to have our family. He said work came waaay down the list of priorities and said he would back me through this as much as he could.
I must say, he's an absolute star. I am lucky to have a boss I can talk to about this. I felt I wanted to tell him because I was not sure what side effects I would feel from having the drugs, and not sure how I would be emotionally. I also wanted him to understand the reasons I may have to leave my colleagues in the lurch by going off at short notice.
I told my boss in strict confidence, which he has respected. I am happy I discussed this with him, but appreciate that not everyone has a supportive work environment.
Hope this helps...
Jx


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## Fluffy Bunny (Dec 6, 2005)

Jassie 
I would be interested to hear about your treatment in Spain, I to am interested in going over there, your boss 
sounds great, I work in a mostly male enviroment, and I am not sure if I should be honest and explain or just take the time off, its a hard to decide??


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