# somebody tell me things get easier



## abtrouble (Apr 15, 2015)

Hi all

So im new to this site and found it by googling infertility support groups. A little bit about my situation, i always knew that i wanted a family of my own ever since i was 18 but it has taken me 13 years to find the love of my life. In that time i found out that i had polysistic ovaries so having a baby may not be as simple for me as most ladies. I have come to terms that i may need help with it but my partner has issues where he cant finish so im really feeling that the family i wanted is getting more and more further away. To make matters worse, i have foind out that a family member is pregnant and i hate the fact that no matter how hard i try, i cant be happy for her. Is it normal to feel this way and will i ever come to terms that i may never be able to have a family ?


----------



## emotional (Jan 26, 2011)

Hi abtrouble,

I didn't want to read and run. First of all welcome to the site - you will find some lovely ladies here who understand how hard infertility is.

What you are feeling is exactly how I did and I'm sure exactly how many others have felt. Every time I heard someone was pregnant I literally felt like my heart was being ripped out. The only way I could explain it was it was almost like grief. 

It has got easier for me but if I'm honest that only happened once I was pregnant myself and had little own baby. I wish I could say something different but there was nothing that took that feeling away until I had my own baby. I still sometimes feel the pangs when I hear someone is expecting but nowhere near what I used to feel. It's the no choice part that I stuggled to hard with - I had no choice in being able to have a baby. I wanted it so desperately and could only try my best. I really do feel for you - it completely takes over you life. All I can say is to try to enjoy the things that you have in your life now while also preparing and doing all you can to have the baby you dream of. Miracles happen every day. Never give up hope but also don't stop your life now. Life is for living - live it and enjoy it as much as you can now while you are waiting. Xxx


----------



## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

Hello abtrouble, 
I'm sorry to hear you and your partner are facing some challenges to get pregnant and/or have a family. The start of the journey can sometimes be the hardest.. or rather, when you realise it won't happen as you believed or hoped it would (like it seems to happen for other people). It is genuinely a grieving process you need to go through, the same with any challenging diagnosis, except perhaps with a lot more cultural and emotional 'baggage'. 

There are still a lot of options available to you. For one, people with PCOS become statistically more fertile with age, as their hormones calm down a bit. If your partner's problems are mechanical only, there are other ways of retrieving sperm for an ICSI. The fertility investigations may uncover a physical reason for his difficulty finishing, which can be fixed with minor surgery. 

There are lots of lovely, supportive people on the forums. You may want to explore the ICSI forum or the adoption forums, to consider your options. In either case, working through the grief will help you move forward, no matter what, so please do continue to share your feelings. We all have moments, even now, of grief over our losses, but it does get easier. Don't put a time limit on how long that takes; but do seek additional support from your GP if you are struggling and it's affecting your work or relationships.


----------

