# Our adoption journey's 2007



## Mel

New year and new home 

Mel
x


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## fiona1

Mel - Thanks for the new home, I have to be really clever now and remember everyones news.

Home visit, all went well, still on course for April panel.

Take Care

Fiona


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## Viva

Hi Everyone, 
I'm not sure that I can manage to be clever and remember everyones news...
Fiona great that your visit went well today, I had my one to one with our SW which I was pleased with, I hope that she was too!  

Bun Bun great news about your panel date I'm sure that you will fly through!

Rianna, sorry to hear your sad news, thinking of you.

Hope everyone else is well, so much happening on here at the moment, it's great but makes it hard to keep up to date!
Viva
XXX


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## TraceyH

Rianna

I am sorry to hear about your father-in-law.  I agree with Jill that you should contact your SW but I am sure that it shouldn't effect your chances with your little girl if you are honest.  Be strong.  Thinking of you.

Tracey x


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## saphy75

Thanks for the new home Mel, I'm liking the new name  

Rianna i'm so sorry to read your news hun but like tracey i don't think it will effect your chances with your little girl 

a big   to everyone 

I have hurt my back   i'm not sure how i just woke up like it yesterday morning dh had to come home from work this morning as i was in so much pain i couldn't even pick chunk up properly and i was frightened i would drop him   it has eased off a little now though thank goodness. On a brighter note, Chunk has taken even more steps today and i think he will be running round very soon  
he is getting very hard to entertain now    i have bought some paints and i'm hoping to do some handprints with him as soon as my back is better my dh thinks i'm     anyway i better go as tea will be ready in a mo

pam xx


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## askingangels

Hello everyone

Not very good with personals but I have been reading with great excitement. There is so much good news on here at the moment. Makes me realise theat we are on the right tracks now.

We really enjoyed our prep group in november but havent heard anything re hs yet. I rang and was told that nobody from our group had been allocated a sw yet.   .

I will phone them again when we get back from our break. We are going away for a long weekend next week. sil's 16th, fancy dress. The theme is pimps and hoes. (Know ive spelt that wrong). I am going as saloon girl/moulin rouge. dh going as 70s pimp. Should be a laugh.

We got snow here this morning it was lovely and white when I got out of bed but it has all gone now.

Hope everyone is well

Love and hugs to you all

S xx


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## jilldill

Good luck Bun Bun love JD x


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## Laine

Hi everyone,

BunBun - heaps of luck for panel tomorrow.

Rianna - sorry to hear about your FIL.  I hope everything works out for you and your little girl.

LB - look after yourself  

K - glad you enjoyed your break. Great new news too.

Alex - good to see you posting.  Sorry the match wasn't right for you.

Kimmy - glad the move went ok.  Hope you hear something soon.

Misty C -  glad you feel better after the chat with your sw.  Good luck with the medicals.

Gap - hope you hear about an info evening soon.

S - hope you hear something soon.  Enjoy your break.

Pam - hope your back gets better soon.  Have fun with the hand prints  

Fiona - glad your HS is going well.

Viva - glad you enjoyed your one to one.

Hi to everyone else.  Nothing to report here.

Laine


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## Old Timer

HI Ladies
Thanks for the 'new home' Mel.
Hope everyone is OK.
Love
OT x


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## casey

Hi everyone 

Well started first day of prep course today and feeling a bit despondent. and isolated  Kept having to bite my tonguewith all the discussions about the  difficulties and grief and loss. I know children who are adopted have to deal with separation and loss butas well something being taken away, something is also given back - a second chance ! so it was difficult as i felt some conflict between my job and being assessed as an adopter. 

caseyx


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## safarigirl

Hello everyone
I hope you dont mind me sneaking onto your thread - my good friend Misty who I knew from abroadies is here, and i have been thinking about her and her journey - so just wanted to come and say hello  and see that she is alright ....  Ican see that she is the company of wonderful people .... is it okay if i pop in everynow and then?
lots of love to you all on your journeys ....
with much love and hugs


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## lettuce

Hi Everyone

Haven't posted on here for a long time as nothing seamed to be happening and couldn't keep up with everyone. So now it is a new thread I thought I would try again. 

Well we have had our medicals and CRB checks and references all done and ok.  Now we are on our prep course we had our 1st one last Thursday and only 3 to go.  Our LA does them once every two weeks. So by March we will be all preped out.  

Have all ready had homework and am starting to feel that my answers are not what they are looking for, but will just have to wait and see. 

Good luck to everyone

Lettuce


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## fiona1

Casey - Good luk with the prep course. I use to work for SS, and SW always get a bad press, just keep doing what you are doing and it will be over soon.

Lettuce - I too find it hard to keep up with everyones news, i am trying to post daily so i don't have too much to remember, some people are so good and do loads of personnels.....mentioning no names 

Hope you are all ok.

Fiona


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## casey

Thanks fiona your reassurance is much appreciated I've blown you some bubbles    caseyx


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## Misty C

Hi everyone

Safarigirl - so lovely to see you keeping an eye on me and coming on to meet the gang, they are a great bunch and have given me so much support already!  Everything is going pretty well and we are continuing with home visits/study.  We seem to be constantly thinking of 'when the kids come along' and it fills us with sheer joy.  I see your cabbage patch ticker is going up so quickly, I hope you are keeping well and that all the girls on the Abroadies site are being kept in check, give them my love xxxx.

Lettuce - looks like everything is going along nicely for you, don't worry too much about your home work I am sure most of the group are feeling the same way.  Have a quick word with one of the couples before your next meeting and you will more than likely find they'll have a similar answer(s).  

Casey - sorry to hear you are feeling so low after your course.  If you  want to give a different perspective on a topic please, please do.  We learned a lot from 2 people who worked for SS who were able to give a picture of what it was like for children either in FC or waiting for adoption and the difficulties that arose.  Simple things like a hair cut could cause so much upset for child/birth parent/FC/SS etc., their story's really made everyone sit up and listen.  xxxx

Askingangels - hope you don't have too long a wait for SW.

Love 'n' hugs to all.

Misty C
xxx


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## ~Twinkle~

Hi Girls,

Rianne -  sending you a big  , I will say a prayer for your father in law bless him, sending healing hugs. 

Bun Bun - Good luck for your panel tomorrow.

As for me the meeting went well, looks like we  have missed the prep course for feb and will be put on the April/May one, so have to sit tight until then  in the meantime getting lots of books and looking into what I can do to have more interation with children, although spending time with my niece and newphew.

You all take care.
Luv
~Twinke~

Ps - thanks for all my good lucks.


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## BunBun

Thank you all for your wishes.
I'm pleased to say we were accepted (unanimous decision) by panel.
We got asked 4 very simple questions & that it was it.
No sooner than we had sat down in the waiting room the chair (from the panel) came in & told us of their decision.
We had a lovely meal at a country house hotel last night to celebrate.
We are truly overwwhelmed and are on cloud nine.


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## Misty C

Congratulations BunBun, fantastic news!
Love
Misty C
xxx


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## gap

Great news bunbun,  you must be on cloud 9


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## Lauren

Congratulations Bun bun!  Fantastic news.  Heres hoping to a very short wait for some more great news!

Haven't had time to catch up on everyone elses news yet cos dh and I got back from our first holiday with Daisy late Tuesday night.  We went to Tenerife for a week of sunshine which was lovely especially as the weather was so awful here!  Daisy was fantastic, really took everything in her stride and absolutely loved playing in the sand on the beach.  Our worst moment was flying home on Tuesday night!  I stupidly assumed that as we were flying at night time she would spend the 4 hour flight fast asleep!  Wrong!  She was so overtired she didn't know what to do with herself and spent the best part of 4 hours screaming!  Dh finally got her to fall asleep about 45 minutes before we were due to land and then she woke up when we had to put the seat belt on her for landing!  I have vowed not to fly again with her until she is at least 3 years old and I have some hope of reasoning with her!  Anyway to top it off when we picked our buggy up off the luggage carousel some idiot had only thrown it down so hard one of the wheels had snapped clean off!!

Lots of love to everyone.
Lauren xxx


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## fiona1

Hi Everyone,

Bunbun - Congratulations hope you soon get matched.

Twinkle - Sorry to hear you missed the prep course April will be here before you know it.

Lauren - Glad to hear you had a good holiday, i don't envy you with the flight. Elliot has always slept when we have flown so we have been very lucky, we are off the Barbados in 2 weeks so i will prpb have to eat my words, he is at an age where we can reason/bribe him 

Hi to everyone

Fiona


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## Mummyof2

Bunbun - congratulations on passing panel.  It's a lovely feeling.

Our sw came here last night and we told her of our decision not to proceed with the little boy. She was fine about it and said she had some queries about it herself so was half expecting us to say no thanks.  She did say that the adoption register had contacted her twice but the children had too many problems so she said no.  So back to the long wait again now - ho hum.  

Bye for now


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## momo

Hi Everyone!

Haven't been around for a while- so trying to catch up with everyone's news!

No news here- still waiting for a match. 

My mum who is 74 fell down the stairs just before christmas and broke her foot. She's had 3 operations on it and is still in hospital. We are looking after her 2 dogs and it will probably be on a permanent basis.
Our S/W wants us to fill in a questionnaire for them both (we had to do this also for our 3 cats before panel) and get a letter from my Mum's vet
about if they would be dangerous around children.  I'm a bit worried as one of the dogs doesn't like vets and has to wear a muzzle when he goes, the rest of the time he is the most loveable little dog- he just scared of vets! Hope this won't go against us as i don't think my mum will be able to look after them properly again and i would like to keep them with us. We are keeping them in the conservatory which has a locked gate and they can't have access to the rest of the house because of the cats.

Anyway- will try & catch up with where you are all at and do some PM's next time.

Love

Momoxx


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## Old Timer

Hi Ladies
Just done a long post and then lost it!  Will try again....

Bunbun, congratulations on your approval, hope you don't have too long a wait.

Jennifer, some comfort that your SW was expecting your answer though still hard I guess.  Hope you aren't waiting too much longer.

Momo, hello, not chatted to you before I don't think.  Hope your Mum is on the mend now.  

Fiona, Barbados how fab!  Especially with the weather as cold as it is here.  Enjoy!

Lauren, glad you had a good time apart from the flight home and the buggy.

Twinkle, won't be long til April/May, good chance to get some reading in.

Karen, hope this week is less stressful at work.

Saphy, hope your back is better.

Will have to have another read and then post again with what I've missed!

Day 3 tomorrow talking about abuse....
Love
OT x


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## casey

Bunbun congartualtions and hope you get more good news very soon 

Thanks misty - maybe i 'm being a bit paranoid we will see in 2 weeks time hen we go back for final 1/2 day 

caseyx


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## jilldill

Bun bun, I am so pleased for you what a huge hurdle to get through well done to you both!!!!
Lets hope it's a short wait for you now love JD x


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## sanita

Hi Everyone

Old Timer - Hope day 3 goes well today.  Sounds like it might be quite a tough day, it's never easy listening to bad stuff.

Momo - My dog is the same with the vets.  Ever since he had his stitches out after he was castrated he hates vets.  I think its a reasonable reaction given the circumstances.   

JenniferF - Keep your chin up.

Lauren - Poor you.  How stressful must that flight have been. 

BunBun - Congratulations.  Enjoy that high feeling.

Twinkle - Sorry you missed the earlier prep course, keep swatting up and by April / May you will be able to knock them dead with all the reading you've been doing.

Lettuce - What a fabulous name!  Know what you mean about not being sure if the answers are what they are looking for.  Just be yourself.  We really bonded with our SW during HS once we felt able to relax a bit and she saw us for who we really are (well, our best behaviour version of who we really are).

Casey - Keep biting your tongue and smiling sweetly.  Your knowledge and expereice of the realities will give you a great insight and empathy with your children when you get them.

Laine - Keep posting and we all can't wait to celebrate with you when you get the news you are waiting for.

Rianna - I am sorry to hear your news.  Let us know how things are going with the little girl when you get chance.

Well it's been a hard week for DH and I.  We heard that we have not been selected for one of the sibling pairs we were waiting to hear about.  The thing that is hard to cope with is that the childrens SW ruled us out due to the negative reference that DHs sons gave.  (Some of you will remember what we went through at approval panel over this issue).  Just when DH was starting to take huge strides in mending bridges with his sons this has re-opened the wounds.  We haven't heard anything more about the other 2 sibling pairs we had been shortlisted for and we are both feeling very negative and wondering if that negative reference by DHs sons will stop us ever being a family.    We are going away tomorrow for a long weekend and hope to return feeling more positive.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Sanita


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## saphy75

Sanita i'm sending you a huge    un try to stay strong YOU WILL BE A FAMILY !!!

my back is lots better thanks, but now it is my silly computer playing up and has to be sent away for repairs so i will not be around for 7-10 days    i dunno how i'll cope without my internet   anyway i gotta go i've got files to save before the nasty pooter men take my baby away   

pam xx


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## Misty C

Hi everyone

Sanita - I can only imagine how disheartened you are feeling just now, relax and enjoy you weekend away.  You and DH will make great parents and the panel agreed so nothing is going to stop you becoming a happy family, hang on in there. xxxx

Pam - hope your back & computer are all fixed soon.  We'll miss you for 7 - 10 days so see if they can fix it a bit earlier!

Momo - hope your mum is feeling a lot better.  I didn't know we are required to fill in a questionnaire regarding pets although SW has met all ours.  Maybe speak to your vet about your wee dogs behavior and how they feel s/he would behave around children, it will put your mind at rest.

Lauren - glad to have you back safe and sound but sorry it was a nightmare of a flight back (I've made a 'note to self' for the future!).  
  
Medicals x 2 today and apart from BMI (that we are both working on) everything was fine so we have another baby step forward in our journey.

Love 'n' hugs to everyone. 
Misty C
xxxx


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## Mummyof2

Sanita - how disappointing for you both.  Fingers crossed for the other children.  Enjoy your holiday.

Misty - well done on passing the medicals.


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## naoise

Bunbun well done on passing panel hope the wait isn't too long before you are all a family.

Sanita I am gutted for you what a let down, hopefully the right family is out there for you and waiting I'm sure you and your dh will make fab parents.

No news here really I rang our sw this morning to see if she had spoken to the girls sw, but our sw has been off all week and left the girls sw a message to say that we are going ahead. But she hasn't spoken to her. So she said that she will ring the adoption coordinator today, what is an adoption coordinator? I haven't a clue. It just seems to be that if someone isn't off sick they are on holiday or just don't bother returning calls we are sooo frustrated. I had to stop dh ringing and giving off stink, I mean when they say things will take a few days it turns into weeks. These girls need a home we need a family what is the problem? Sorry about that but I had to have a rant and I know you guys are th only ones who know how I feel. I feel a bit better after that.

love K


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## Mummyof2

naoise - sorry to hear about the delays all the time.  It is very very frustrating.  Hopefully something will happen soon and then it will be full steam ahead.  Hugs to you and dh for your long long wait    .


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## keemjay

hi Guys

its been ages since i posted on here..having our beloved doggy put to sleep before Xmas after the biting incident really knocked me for six and I'm just starting to come up to the surface again. I have been reading but not really felt like posting esp since theres no news this end....

its been so busy on here..lovely to see so many people on this journey..lovin the new name too 

Bun Bun - fab to hear your news after all the nonsense they put you through at the last minute..well done 

Sanita..sorry to hear your news, what a blow, seems so unfair. I have days when i too wonder if we'll ever get placed because of the things plastered all over our files about dh's errant uncle. hope you have a lovely weekend away, prob just what you need...

Alex - lovely to see you here again, i was wondering what the news was your end. sorry the match wasnt right this time, its hard to turn them away isnt it

jennifer - sorry the little boy wasnt for you..it took me a few days to get over turning our first ones down, but if it doesnt feel right then it isnt right, if that makes sense..

ruthie - sorry to hear about your burglary, how awful for you all. keep safe 

cindy - been following your journey for no.2 and so pleased its all working out well 

naoise - the wheels grind so slowly eh? think i'd be doing my nut, you rant all you like!

OT, how did day 3 go..prob quite hard to listen to? 

Casey - it must be so hard being on the other side of the fence..no wonder you are biting your tongue. prob makes it much more stressful than it would be for most. I'm sure it would be good for people to hear your perspective on things, I'm sure you can say it in a way that doesnt make you feel like a know-it-all 

jildill - hows sunshine doing?

does anyone else who's waiting feel like they are being offered the 'wrong' children? I'm a wee bit frustrated because we have had 3 separate offers now and rather them feel like they just arent right they in fact feel very 'wrong'..the last one was a young baby with a syndrome we very definitely said we wouldnt feel able to cope with and we're wondering why we were even considered? I know its early days but i feel like our sw should be in a way a buffer for the ones that are clearly wrong for us....even she said 'i'm not sure this is right but have a look anyway' it builds our hopes up for a second and then we fall flat again. i know i should be grateful that we are being offered at all but i'm wondering how many times we're going to go through this.sorry just having a bit of a moan
I'm in the process of re-doing our family book, removing all the photos of the dog and dreaming up more exciting pictures to fill the gaps..think I am nearly there..just in desperate need of some little cake stickers in a hurry and cant find any in the shops, think I will have to start cutting someout of my recipe books!

love to all

kj x


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## jilldill

Hi Girls,
Sanita, I am sorry what a disappointment for you take care
Naoise, you must be tearing your hair out what a crazy situation
Jennifer, hope your doing ok and feeling a bit brighter
KJ, keep your chin up your time will definitely comefingers crossed it's soon

Hi to everyone else, I know quite a few of you are having a hard time waiting and going through disappointments at the moment, just to say I am thinking of you.
Love JD x


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## everhopeful

Hi there everyone!  

It's been so long since I posted, I reckon most people will think I'm a newbie... no, I've been around for ages, but had no news to report so have been away from the site for a while. It's taken me approx 16 hours to catch up on everyone's news!! Phew, I'm tired out now!!

Well, hello & pleased to meet all of you who've never heard of me! Wow, so many members to this thread now and so much going on in every corner. Congrats to all of you with news to celebrate, and my best wishes to all who've had not such good news. 

Well, here in Ever-land, nothing much has changed. We've had a nice week away, which was a lovely break (although very cold!!). Our dd is now almost 3 and a half years - but she thinks she's a teenager! Moody sulks and "I don't care!" coming up!! Quite funny really, infact I much prefer the quiet sulks to the mad temper tantrums that we used to have. I'm just dreading her getting to... well any older at all really! Where did my little angel go? I didn't notice her leave, or she swapped in the night?!!! Ha ha.
Anyway on the adoption front, we are keen to make additions to the tribe (I know, I must be mental!), and have been waiting since last year to reapply. I have approached a few other la's but to no success. It seems that most are only seeing prospective adopters from their own area. Anyway, with our local la, we've been told to expect a March start. Well, start,  meaning application form and starting right at the beginning again!! I know now we're getting to end of month again (where has January gone?), it'll soon come round, but I still don't understand how we can be made to wait to re-apply. In November when it was Adoption Week, every publicity piece was advertising for people to come forward, for all these children who are waiting for a family. And we've been sat in our house waiting to re-adopt for almost a year. Where's the logic!!

Anyway, I don't mean to rant. I'm still supposed to be mega-relaxed after our hols!
I'm trying! Just wanted to put my catch up down and hopefully I can report some more promising news sometime in the next few weeks.
Fingers crossed!! 

Hi again to old friends and new! Hope everyone is well.

Take care

Ever x


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## KarenM

Hi Everyone

Mel - thanks for starting this new thread.

Fiona - glad home visit went well and have a lovely time in Barbados 

Rianna - hope your FIL is better.  Hope things are progressing well with your intro's and you have been able to bring your little girl home as planned

Pam - hope your back is better must have been quite scary.  Gret news on Chunk walking, I loved that phase.  

Asking Angels -congrats at completing the course.  We waited from June to Nov before starting our HS.  Hope you hear soon and have a great time at the fancy dress.

Bun Bun - great news on panel.  Hope you don't have long to wait for a match

Casey - do I remember rightly that you are an SW yourself?  Hope that you enjoy the rest of your course.

Safarigirl - welcome, feel free to pop in we are a friendly bucnh and anyone is welcome.  COngrats on your pgy.

Lettuce - good luck for the rest of your prep course.

Twinkle - it will be here before you know it.  You'll find a list of recommended reading at the top of the board.  Glad the visit went well though

Lauren - sorry to hear of your flight experience and the pushchair.  We took our girls to Jersey last year when they were 2 & 3 and that was about as much as I could have coped with any further would have been a nightmare.  

Jennifer - sorry to hear that the match wasn't right.  I am sure you will have some news soon and it is encouraging to hear that people have asked for your details even though it hasn't transpired.

Momo - sorry to hear about your Mum's fall.  Have posted you on your thread about the dogs.

Sanita - sorry to hear your news about the match.  Is there anything that the Sw can do to put a supplementary report on your profiel so that it can refelct the postive action your dh has taken?  Hope you hear about the other match soon.

Naoise - can understnad those frustratons sometimes its like the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing.  Hope you get to establish a plan.  

KJ - sometimes that's how matches are made.  We had said at least one boy but when our girls came up our SW though they were perfect for us although they didn't meet our criteria.  But once we read about them we knew they were right so were happy to step back from what we had said to start with.

JD -hope your little ray of sunshine is lighting up your lives.

Ever - nice to see you posting.  Hard to believe where time goes, my eldest starts school in September (eek)

Well nothing much going on here.  Have had a couple of days off this week to do some study but have been quite poorly with a cold and the cold weather has played havoc with my skin ( I have psoriasis and it tends to crack in the cold) so it hasn't been too productive.  The job hunt is continuing in earnest and I have a secdond interview on Monday.

Well best go, dh is nsoring on the sette the fish need feeding and I am planning to get up early and do some exercise as part of my health kick.

Bye for now
Karen x


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## cindyp

BunBun, congratulations on passing panel   

Sanita, so sorry to hear what has happened.  It would be a shame if your DH's son's petulant comments continue to spoil things for you.  Is there some kind of counter you can put forward, has your SW suggested how you can overcome the possible effect of these comments?  They thought you a good enough prospect to approve you as adopters so surely they should realise that you deserve some children  

Naoise, the wheels do grind incredibly slowly.  Unfortunately you reach a point where your teeth are almost permanently gritted    Hang in there.

Karen, sorry to hear you've got the lurgy now, good luck for the second interview and congratulations on the weight loss.

Ever, welcome back.  I've also got one of those three year old teenagers    It is frustrating their attitude to welcoming back second time adopters but if you read Pooh Bears Mummy's posts you are not alone in your experiences.

KJ, we haven't gone through that experience of being offered wrong children but from what I've seen with other people they do seem to try it on sometimes.  Be strong, the right children will come along, just ask Babarella  

Sorry, can't do personals to everyone, it's been a long horrible day at work today.  Just counting down until the matching panel on the 5th.  Can't wait, keep looking at the photos and thinking "this better happen or I will be gutted".

Hope everyone else is well.

love
Cindy


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## ♥ M J ♥

hey ladies

how you all doing?

not posted for a while however have been reading all your news

sorry no personals tonight however shattered as we have our first meeting with 2 SW on mon and we have been busy getting house into some kind of order!

while Pam is off line im helping karen out so should you need anything pls shout my way

hugs

Mez
xxx


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## Mummyof2

Just a quickie to say well done to Karen for the weight loss.  I've lost the grand eight total of ....... nothing since Christmas - must try harder  

Thanks for all the comments girls.  We are ok now.  A bit disappointed but hoping another child will come along shortly.

Bye for now


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## Old Timer

Hi Ladies
Day 3 over, wasn't as bad as I thought it might be as it concentrated on the behaviours and how to deal with them that result from the different forms of abuse.  Still very hard going though and upsetting to know how much damage can be caused.  We covered the safe caring bit which was hard for the men in the group, having to hear that 97.4% of abusers are men and that they have to be 'supervised' by the wife initially when all they want to do is love and care for a child.  Only 1 week left to go now which is quite sad in a way as we have a good group but can't wait to get on with the next stage.

Will try and catch up tomorow and do personals.
Love to all
OT x


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## TraceyH

Hi All

Well we have finally got our son home.  The 2 weeks of introductions were hard going due to the mileage involved so really when we picked him up yesterday we were completely exhaused, but we have had today to just be a family and it has been wonderful.  He is such a lovely little chap and has already settled into a more structured routine (I think he just wanted some peace and quiet).  Today we took him to buy some shoes and boots and he was a good as gold. 

Picking him up from the foster carers yesterday was very emotional but there was a Social Worker present which helped to ease things a little.  There were a lot of tears, we had built up quite a good relationship with them.

It still feels like a dream.  I think this is the first day in weeks that I have not cried.

Best wishes to everyone.

Tracey x


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## Old Timer

Congratulations Tracey!  Am so pleased you now have your son at home and can start family life and getting to know each other in the comfort of your own home.
Love
OT x


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## ♥ M J ♥

Tracy

reading posts like yours makes me more determind that we can do this and that we can become parents

massive hugs

Mez
xxx


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## jilldill

Hi Tracey,
How wonderful I am so delighted for you. Your message made me quite emotional (doesn't take much these days!!!) took me right back to bringing Sunshine home 8 weeks ago! As our FC said to DH and I as we were in tears go and start your life now!! enjoy every second I know already the wait will have been worth it.
Love JD xx


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## Mummyof2

Tracey - huge congratulations to you on bringing your son home.  Lovely news


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## Misty C

Hi everyone

Congratulations Tracey, DH and DS, wonderful news!

Heading off on holiday for 2 weeks tomorrow whoohoo - its come around so quickly.  Will be thinking of you all and will catch up on everyone's news when we come home.

Take care
Love 'n' hugs 
Misty C
xxxx


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## thespouses

Just to say for those of you who remember me as katiea, I went to the hospital on Friday and they didn't see any point in scanning me as I have obviously had a miscarriage.  They are going to do a little more investigation and this is clearly a good point for us to take a few months off the adoption process.  I am not sure when (or if) we'll come back to it, and it might also be a good time for us to investigate new agencies in case one of the LAs we could work with might give us a better chance of having a younger child or baby.


----------



## Misty C

Katiea - so sorry to hear of your loss, please take care of yourself xxxx
Love
Misty C
xxx


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

Katie - sorry to hear about your loss.  Sometimes a break is what we need to collect out thoughts.  Whatever you decide to do...good luck.

Bunbun - well done on passing panel   hope you don't wait too long for a match. 

Tracey H - lovely post...you are a family, how wonderful.

Karen - good luck  for the interview and well done on losing the weight.

Sanita - sorry to hear about the match.  I hope you hear soon about the others.

Ever - good to hear from you.  

K - you are right to rant.  Hoping you hear good news soon.

KJ - I'm sure you will be matched to your little one soon, hang in there   Enjoy re doing your family book.

OT - glad you found day three ok.

Pam - hope your back is improving.

Cindy - not long until the 5th, seems to have come round really quickly.

Hi to everyone else.

Laine


----------



## naoise

Tracey a big congrats on the arrival home of your little boy.

  

love k


----------



## keemjay

hi all 

tracey H, great news about bringing your little one home, it must be a fantastic feeling 

old timer..interesting asbout the 'safe caring' bit on your prep course, nothing like this was mentioned on our courses 

mj - hope your meeting with the sw's goes well today

katiea..sorry to hear your news, what a difficuklt time these lasy couple of weks must have been. i think you are right to have a little break. take care 

love to all

kj x


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies
Katiea, so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you both.

KJ, Strange, I would have thought the criteria of whats on the course would be the same as the SW keeps referring to the 'Gov requirements'.  Oh well, they all seem to do things differently, in different orders etc.  We were told that because they will not always know if a child has been sexually abused that you have to do the 'safe caring' while the trust builds up and the child learns you aren't going to hurt them.  Its hard on the men but it is understandable.

mj, hope the meeting with SW goes well.

Love
OT x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ladies

Sorry no personals tonight however shattered

Our visit went really well-they have no worries over our dog as he welcomed them in, asked for strokes then laid down! they have to type up there report and have a meeting with there manager as they get final say, they said its an unofficial yes from them though as they have no concerns to bring up! they are gonna ring me later this week and also confirm we are booked on the april prep course! they gave us a guide of Oct for panel!!!! 

hugs

Mez
xxx


----------



## LB

hi Ladies

great news Mez - you must be delighted - if a little shattered 
roll on April.

Tracey - great news -enjoy every moment.

Karen - well done you on the health kick

Cindy - won't be long now 

Katie - so sorry about your news hun XX

hi to everyone else

I am still recovering from my op and must say i am starting to feel a lot better -hope to go back to work in a week or two 

take care ladies
LB
X


----------



## Mummyof2

Mez - glad to hear that all went well and no problems with dog.

KJ - we weren't told that about men on our prep course either.  Seems a bit brutal to the men - to keep away from the child for a while!

Had an email this morning from our family finder team to say possibility of another little boy for us.  We will get more information next week, either way.  Fingers crossed this is the one


----------



## naoise

Hi girls

Jennifer crossing fingers and toes that this the little boy for you. 

Mez glad to hear that all went well with the dog and everything.

LB glad to hear that you are feeling better, here's to a quick recovery.

No news here yet but our sw isn't in work until tomorrow so hopefully hear something then.

XXX K


----------



## cindyp

Tracey, wonderful news to read you are home together as a family.   

Jennifer, keeping everything crossed for you.  Really hope this one works out.  

Katie, so sorry to read your news, you are right to take as much time out as you need.

LB, glad to hear you are recovering nicely, shame you have to go back to work though  

Hi to everyone else.

Having one of those days today.  Having completed our family book, I went to Argos today to buy a colour printer to print it off and it didn't work.  Went to exchange it and it was the last one they had.  I'm hoping my friend can help me out tonight until I can get another printer tomorrow.  We're cutting it fine because our SW only works part time and needs the book for tomorrow (she only told us she needed it last Friday  ).  

Just 6 days to go to matching panel  

Cindy


----------



## KarenM

Hi Everyone

Tracey - Congratulations to you and dh on bringing your ds home.  I can undersand the emotions of taking them away from their FC's.  Glad that you are enjoying your first days together.

Misty C - have a great holiday

Katiea - sorry to hear of your loss.  Hope that the break helps you consider your next steps

LB - good luck for your recovery

MJ - glad the visit went well and thanks for lending me a hand on the boards

Cindy - eeek!!  Hope you sort the printer problem out.  Good luck for Monday.

K - hope you hear something tomorrow.

OT - gad you are enjoying the course

Laine - how are things with you

Hi to everyone else I have not mentioned.

Had my job interview yesterday but things didn't get off to a good start as my little girl was poorly so had to make emergency arrangements for dh to be at home.  I got to the interview early, reported to reception and was told to take a seat somewhere but when they rang reception for me they said I hadn't arrived.  They rang DH who was by this time frantic as he knew I had left but now they were saying I wasn't there.  So this got the nerves going and so I don't think I did very well.  I will find out by the end of the week.  

Work is still hectic and the studying is not going too well.  I am more motivated to chill out of an evening given how stressful work is right now, but I know I need to get going or I will be really behind and life will just take over.  

TTFN
Karen x


----------



## casey

Just typed a long post and lost it      - will try again later - best wishes to veryone 
caseyxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Cindy - hope you got the book finished in time.  Our sw sprung our book on us as well, just before panel.  I was in a right panic but the book turned out well in the end.  Hope yours is just fab - sure it will be.

Karen - oh dear, poor you.  How dreadful to get there early for an interview and then they "lost" you.  Poor dh as well.  He must have been very worried.  Hope you do get a positive outcome after all.  

I remember when I went for an interview years ago and I couldn't find the door to get in to the building as it was hidden amongst the windows as it was a glass faced building.  I spent several minutes pushing and shoving at various windows before I finally found the door and went in to see a room full of people in reception who must have been watching me as I tried to find the door. The windows were all one way glass as well and I had spent some time trying to peer through the bronzed glass to see inside but couldn't see anything to give me a clue where the door was    Must have entertained those people who could clearly see me from their vantage point - Very embarrassing    Then there was the time that I had an interview for a shorthand typist position but when I was given a test on my shorthand after the formal interview I suddenly forgot how to use shorthand (despite having used it for 2 years!) as I was panicking and my mind went blank    The list goes on ....  

All the best to everyone as usual.


----------



## jilldill

Hi,
Just a quick one to wish Jennifer lots of luck for the possible link I have fingers and everything else crossed for you love JD x


----------



## Mummyof2

Thanks for your support, Jill.


----------



## coxy

Hi Ladies

can i join you? we signed up with our local county council adoption people back in June 2005 and only ever got as far as an initial interview with sw and preparation courses, as of xmas 2006, we were still waiting to be allocated a sw, so we basically told them where to stick it and have applied to another agency and we have a 2 hour interview with them next Thursday.

Julia x


----------



## Mummyof2

Julia - welcome to you.  We changed our initial LA after 7 months as they were rubbish.  Hope your second choice of LA is better and good luck for Thursday.  We didn't have to do our preparation course again after we changed as it was so recent.  Hope the same applies to you.

Just heard that the boy we were being considered for has to be placed away from our town so we cannot be considered after all    And so it goes on ......


----------



## coxy

Hi Jennifer
sorry to hear that, so you have been approved and are looking for a child now? have you seen many suitable children?

Julia x


----------



## Mummyof2

Julia - we have been considered for one child so far but we had to turn him down as he had too many problems for us.  We were approved in May 2006 and are still waiting for the right child to come along but we are top of the list for matching now so hopefully it won't be too much longer.  We have said either sex as well so that gives us more scope.


----------



## coxy

Hi Jennifer.
so with your LA do you have to wait for them to bring children to you or are you allowed to look yourself, i.e be my parent newspaper (or whatever it is called)?

It must be frustrating to have been approved last year and are still waiting but least you have been approved already so as soon as the right child comes along things should be quicker?

Julia x


----------



## naoise

Jennifer sorry to hear that it wasn't the right match for you, let's keep our fingers crossed for the next phone call.

Julia welcome to the group I hope that you have more luck with this LA than you had with the last one.

I was wondering does anyone know who sits on the matching panel? Our sw is trying to get ours set up, and do we have to attend I think we don't have to but I'm not sure.

xxK


----------



## Mummyof2

Naoise - sorry can't help re matching panel as not got that far  

Julia - we have looked at Children Who Wait (Adoption UK magazine) every month (we don't subscribe to Be My Parent as well as that would too expensive as subscription charges are high in my opinion) but the little ones in the Children Who Wait magazine either seem to have lots of problems or are mixed race and we are not mixed race ourselves so unable to adopt those children.  Our LA is part of a huge consortium so we had hoped that it would be quicker to be matched but it has not turned out to be like that in our case.  Someone else on our preparation course who went to panel on the same day as us has only just been offered a child so we are not the only ones to wait for such a long time I know.  As you can see from reading the information panel under people's name who post on here people can wait for a long time before being matched - Naoise had to wait for a year for instance.  Then when the right child comes along it will still take a few months before bringing the child home due to having to go to matching panel etc.  It is still a long process after being approved and it took ages to get to panel.  As you can see we have been waiting for over 2 years since we began on the adoption route


----------



## cindyp

Jen, what a bummer    On such little things can these decsions hang.  Hope they come up with another possibility soon.

Julia, welcome to the group.  We thought it a good idea to be pro-active and subscribed to Be My Parent.  We were lucky with our DS as he came up quickly through the LA but we are about to go to matching panel with a child I found by attending an Open Day held by the National Register.

Karen, what a horrible start for an interview.  That said I've had a few like that where I thought I've been rubbish and still got the job.  Fingers crossed for you.

Naoise, the matching panel is basically a group of independent people and is often the same people who are on the adoption approval panel.  You don't have to attend but your SW will inform you if they think it is a good idea for you to attend, ie if she thinks it will help if they can see you in person.  Because our matching panel is so far away from us they have decided it isn't necessary for us to attend but we would have gone if they thought it would help our chances.

Finally managed to get our family book printed at work and have handed it over to our SW to take with her on Monday.  She's told me the panel should be over around 3 and she'll give me a ring then.  Still got no idea how quickly they might want to move to intros after panel, assuming we get the nod (and I'll be gutted if we don't).

Love to everyone
Cindy


----------



## superal

Hi everyone, so much news for me to catch up on, I'll try to soon but just wanted to say to Jennifer that I'm sorry you've had another knock back BUT you know what they say, third time lucky  

We had a fantastic holiday, well worth it and OK now I'm 40 and things are slowing down, not really!! 40 is just a number.

Got to go and catch up on the washing and ironing and the list goes on........

love
Andrea
xx


----------



## Mummyof2

Cindy - I didn't realise it was an open day held by the National Register.  How did you hear about that then?  We are on the National Register but weren't told anything by them or my LA.  Do you know when the next one is?  Well done on getting the book finished in time - phew.

Superal - welcome back.  Welcome to the 40s club    Glad you had a good time.


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies
Jennifer, so sorry about the little boy, heres hoping 3rd time lucky and soon!

Julia, welcome.  What a long wait you've had, don't blame you for moving agency.  We have our last prep day on Friday and then can apply officially, not sure how long it will be to get a SW........

Karen, fingers crossed for a positive result, what a way to get remembered!

Cindy, fingers crossed, am sure all will be fine though.

Hi to everyone else.
Love
OT x


----------



## Lauren

Just had a quick catch up and wanted to say:-

Hi and welcome to Julia and good luck with your adoption journey.  You will find so much support on here.

Jennifer - so sorry this little boy hasn't turned out to be the one for you.  Really hoping you will find your little one soon.

Karen - hope you hear some good news soon after your job interview.

Cindy - glad you got your book completed.  You must be so apprehensive and so excited about matching panel.

Andrea - Happy Belated Birthday!  Glad you had a fantastic holiday.

Naoise - our matching panel was exactly the same people who sat on our approval panel and it was so soon after approval that they all remembered us.  We didn't have to attend, just had to sit at home and wait for a phone call!

Hi to everyone else - I know I have only scratched the surface on doing personals!  

Daisy is still continuing to do so well.  She has been with us 5 months now but feels like she has been here her entire life and I couldn't even begin to imagine life without her.  Our application to adopt her went into the Court just before Christmas but things are now being held up because Daisy's SW has been unable to complete her report in the time requested the Court have given an extension to 19th Feb so goodness knows how long after that we will get a hearing date.  Shouldn't complain as I can't believe how lucky we are to be where we are today but I just want that final hurdle done and out of the way!

Lots of love
Lauren xxx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

hey ladies

Jennifer - have everything crossed fror you

We got the official phone call today to confirm that we have been accepted to apply- we are booked on the april prep course , we get allocated our SW a month after prep course and they are aiming for panel to be sept/oct !!!

hugs

Mez
xxx


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hiya,

at home today with a vomitting baby......sorry not a "baby", a "big boy"! He's not too bad and has had a full breakfast, which seems to be staying down, but is flopped out on the sofa watching lazytown as i write.

i know i should probably take advantage of the time at home to do some hosuework, bt really cannot be arsed!  

only a couple of weeks to his court date, than at the end of feb we're having his adoption party....can't wait! Which reminds me i need to think about what sort of cake to get for it......you guys any ideas on celebratory cakes?

My interview seemd to go alright...without the glitches karen had! nitemare. although it ran late, the trains were delayed and boo decided to come up i a big rash so i had to dash home to get him to the docs, only to be told it wans't "slapped cheek" but his eczema. Oh well, must have burned some calories with stress and dashing between trains! Won't hear about the outcme of interview for a cople of weeks, but as time seems to fly by at a ridiculous rates these days it'll be here before i know it.

not much other news. looking forward to a weekend of rugby.....been coaching boo to cheer on ireland, but as dh is english and boo is not daft, he tends to cheer for whoever is about at the time. 



Jen, sorry to hear about the match....fingers crossed for the next one!
MJ congrat on being acceted. hope it all rolls fast for you
lauren we had load sof delays at this stage too....very frustrating, but at least we have our babies at home woth us to keep us occupied!
Cindy, good luck for monday,  but i'm sure you won't need it.
naoise our LA has 3 different panels. the one that approved our matching was the one that dealt with boo all the way along, and it could have been the one that approved us as adopters except it had a family friend on it.
Andrea, belated happy birthday! gald you had a good hol.

better get back to it, robbie rotten is being naughty and frightenning boo,

xxruthie


----------



## sanita

Morning Ladies

Another disappointing week in our house when we found out that we have also lost out on a second sibling pair due to the reference that DHs sons gave.  We have done some extra work with our SW to try and counter balance some of the comments that DHs sons made and a report to that effect is attached to our Form F.  The SW of the sibling pair that we lost out on this week, said she did note the extra report, but when it comes down to looking for reasons to eliminate couples from the running, then we are obviously disadvantaged as the reference from DHs sons is a good reason to eliminate us.   We are trying very hard not to let this get us down, but it is naturally causing us stress and concern.  I have a very off tummy this morning and my tummy always acts as my emotional barometer.

Ruthie - have lots of fun planning your adoption party.  Cake should always be of the chocolate variety in my opinion.   

Mez - Congratulations on being accepted.  You are well and truly on your way now.

Lauren - Lovely to hear that Daisy is doing well.  I wish you luck with getting your day in court soon.

Andrea - Glad you had a good holiday.  Isn't all that washing and ironing a nightmare when you get back though.

Cindy - Lots of luck for panel on Monday, not that I expect you to have any problems whatsoever.

JenniferF - Sorry that you have had another dissapointment.  You are obviously at the top of the list now and I hope that the next one is just right for you.

Coxy - Welcome.

KarenM - Hope you get good news about the job, you certainly deserve to after the day you had.

Sorry can't do anymore personals, my icky tummy is giving me too much trouble to concentrate properly.


----------



## Old Timer

Sanita
Am so sorry you are facing these problems because of your DH's sons reference, that must be very hard for you both to accept.  Stay strong hun, you have been approved and you will get your family, they wouldn't have approved you otherwise.
Love
OT x


----------



## Ruthiebabe

sanita, so sorry about what's happening. i remember you saying you DH had mended some bridges with his sons....any way they could be asked to write a new reference for you?


----------



## coxy

HI Ladies

sanita, do you mind me asking about the references etc, were they really bad, as im worried when they have to get in touch with my ex he will give me a bad reference as the relationship broke down really horribly, and i cant see him giving me a very nice reference, basically i left cos i just couldnt live with the drinking anymore, he went off the rails threatening all sorts, i.e smash my car up, firebomb my mums flat, we had to call the police so many times, in the end thankfully he got caught drink driving and ended up doing 6 mths.

Do they take it into account that the relationship was very bad and that what the ex is saying is maybe not quite true?

Julia x


----------



## jilldill

Hi Sanita,
Just sending you a big hug I am so sorry for your second disappointment. Your time will come and I really hope it's soon keep strong we are all here for you.
Love JD x


----------



## Mummyof2

Sanita - how disappointing.  I was going to suggest the same as Ruthiebabe and can you get the poor reference updated into a nicer one?  Must be something that can be done if it is having such a detrimental effect on your chances.  Sorry to hear that you are feeling all churned up about it.  Hope you feel happier soon and something can be sorted out.

Coxy - your ex sounds like a monster!  I'm sure that if you explain what he is like, any reference will be viewed in that light.  My ex was a pig as well but I said I didn't know where he lived as I had not spoken to him for 11 years and so my LA didn't get in touch with him which was a relief as I did not want him back in my life, even just as a referee!


----------



## coxy

HI Jennifer
So can you do that, can you just say you dont know where he lives?? wont they ask you if you know the address of his mum etc I just dont want the ex to know anything about me as i have moved and i live in the same town as all of his family, i live in constant fear that i will bump into one of them,

Julia x


----------



## Mummyof2

Coxy - my SW just accepted what I said.  We weren't married or living together, just engaged and together for 17 years (long story!!) so perhaps that is why they didn't pursue it.  I was really worried about it at the time as I did not want any contact with my ex.  Probably all LAs are different but how could they prove you know where an ex is?  And people often move ie his friends and parents.  Mind you, I moved right away so don't even live in the same town any more whereas you say you do so it might be more difficult to deny all knowledge.


----------



## coxy

hi Jennifer
Thanks for the message, i think i will wait and see what they say at our initial interview on Thursday, like you say, i cant really say i dont know where his family live if i live in the same town, i have seen his mum as well, in the area she was living in so i assume she's still here.  I honestly havent got a clue where he is.

Julia x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

hi ladies

hope you all well

i have updated a few bits of info on this list however if your info is wrong/nees an update pls let me know

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=71632.msg969002#msg969002

we were due to do our prep course in april however someone has dropped out of the feb course so we have now been booked in that- so our orig 11week wait has now turned into a 12day wait.

hugs

Mez
xxx


----------



## KarenM

MJ - Thank you so much for doing the list.  I keep looking at it (a bit like my in tray at work) and stressing that it is another thing I haven't done.  Sending you some bubbles.

Sanita - big hugs to you.  Sorry to hear that this reference is causing some difficulty.  Hope that an Sw can see through the issues and find you a good match.

Coxy - good luck with your situation.  We knew where Dh's ex mum lived and so had the stuff sent there however had no reply.  They didn't chase as they say that if their sentiment was strong enough they would have replied.  

No news on the job yet, so don't think I've got it.  have applied for a couple of others though so will just put it down to expereince and pray for something else to come up.

Have a great weekend everyone.  I won't be around much as it is MIL/FIL's Golden Wedding today and we have a surprise party for them on Sunday.  Also have my  Mum and Dad visiting tomorrow and I am on gymnastics duty with the eldest in the morning.

Bye for now
love
Karen x


----------



## jan welshy

HI girls.

3 weeks past prep course, still no SW attached. I did phone yesterday and they said the SW we saw first is off ill and that we should be given a SW assessor by the end of February....waiting is sooo hard.

Love#
WelshyXXXXXX


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Girls
We've now finished our prep course  and are spending the weekend filling in the application form.  We have been told SWs are being allocated pretty quickly so hopefully the wait won't be too long.

Welshy, hope you get a SW soon.

Julia, I also have an ex that I lived with for 10/11 months before I decided I couldn't take any more violence, that no matter what I did or didn't do he wasn't going to change.  That was 12 years ago and I don't know where he lives now.  I really don't want him to know about my life and am not sure how he would be if they did contact him.  He was adopted at 6weeks old and used emotional blackmail towards me and his mother because he felt he had been abandoned.  I know I have nothing to hide so if they get in touch and he says anything nasty I have others that will contradict him.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend, think I have the start of DH's cold coming! 

LOve
OT x


----------



## jilldill

Hi Welshy,
I hope your wait isn't too long we were 9 months between prep course and starting home visits I was going deranged by then fingers crossed yours starts soon.
Love JD x


----------



## LB

Mez

great news - reckon 12 days will just fly over 

LB
X


----------



## cindyp

Sanita, how awful that this reference is continuing to haunt you and affect your matching.  I can only echo what the others have said and ask if they can ammend the reference?

Ruth, good luck for the job.  Hope you have a great adoption party, I would suggest chocolate.  I got Junior a Thomas the Tank Engine cake for his birthday which looked great but there just too much thick icing that nobody really wanted to eat.

Lauren, you will soon have that final piece of paper stating the obvious, that Daisy is all yours.  I bet the last 5 months has flown and I can tell you the next years will fly too.

Julia, I can't really give any advice regarding your reference as I've never been in that situation.  However our LA never bothered contacting my DH's Mum after he explained that they no longer talk.  I think they must use a certain amount of common sense.  Hope you manage to sort it all out.

Mez, great news on the prep course, enjoy.  Thanks for updating the list.

Karen, hope you're all having a great day today.  Rich needs something to make up for the Leeds performance. 

Jan, I'm afraid this adoption lark is just one long wait after another.  Hope you get your SW soon.

OT, these colds are just everywhere, hope you're not suffering too much.

Jill, how's your little bit of sunshine? 

LB, hope your recovery is still going well?

Well, less than 24 hours to go.  Our SW says the panel should be over around 3 and then she'll give me a ring.  Can't wait!

Hope everyone else is well.

love
Cindy


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

hey ladies

Cindy- i have everything crossed for you- i shall be logging on for news!!!

hi to everyone else- just popped on to let anyone who has missed the info about a chat night- its on tue night- details below

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=83649.msg1137382#msg1137382

xxx


----------



## Old Timer

Just wanted to wish Cindy loads of luck for tomorrow though I'm sure you won't need it.
Will log on the minute I get home from work.
Love
OT x


----------



## fiona1

Cindy - Good luck i'm thinking of you.

Fiona


----------



## jilldill

Good luck Cindy not that you will need it!!!!!!!
Love JD x


----------



## KarenM

Cindy

Good luck for tomorrow.  Can't wait to read your news

Love Karen x


----------



## Suzie

Just popping by to wish Cindy masses of  for tomorrow  

Am sure you wont need it 

love
suzie xx


----------



## BunBun

Cindy - Good luck for today.


----------



## coxy

Good luck  Cindy!

Julia x


----------



## keemjay

GOOD LUCK CINDY!!!

kj x


----------



## wynnster

Best of Luck Cindy


----------



## Laine

Cindy,

Thinking of you....good luck x

Laine


----------



## Mummyof2

Cindy - good luck for today hun


----------



## naoise

Cindy all the very best for today xxxxxxxx 

love k


----------



## jan welshy

Cindy, sorry my best wishes are late but hope everything wnet well.
Love
WelshyXXXXXX


----------



## cindyp

Quick post between phone calls.  Have posted my news on another thread.  

Cindy


----------



## fiona1

Hi All,

i have a question. We are 1/2 way through our HS and just removed a lovely black lab puppy from my MIL (long story) we already have a 10 year old black lab cross. We don't know whether to re home the dog or keep it. Would SS frown on us getting a puppy. My parents have been on the phone saying you can't keep it it will mess up your HS??

Any advice??

Fiona


----------



## saphy75

I don't see why having a puppy would be a problem but i would ask your sw advice on this

pam xx


----------



## Mummyof2

We got a kitten just after finishing home study and nothing was said about it by our sw.  If anything is said, what you have to point out is that it can take ages to get matched after panel (for example we have been approved since May and are still awaiting a match) and it takes ages to get to panel so might be a year from now at least that you get your child at home, in which case the pup won't be a pup then.


----------



## magenta

Fiona,

The only thing might be if your sw needs to re-write some of the form F to accommodate the fact you have two dogs not one and get another assessment done. But even then it would hopefully only be a small delay rather than it stopping.

unless there are serious problems with the puppy and its behaviour i can't see it affecting your adoption too much - but I don't have pets so i am not really in a postion to offer advice.

Magenta xx

ps - no real news here...Bubbles had to go into the naughty corner whilst sw was here this morning though...i was so embarrassed but he seemed to be happy to see we were being strong with setting boundaries etc. just hope she is better behaved for the review meeting on Thursday as i would hate to spend time sitting in the corner with *4* sws looking at me!


----------



## maisiek

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to officially say hello.  I have posted a few messages on some of the other threads over the past few months now but not really introduced myself.  Have been reading this site for ages but didn't want to post until I knew we had been accepted to apply!  Hurrah !! Have now been accepted and our going to start prep group in March.  SW coming over in the next few weeks to do application form.  Can't wait to start everything off really...... very exciting.  We are still unsure as to whether we will be choosing straight forward adoption or whether to try concurrency, but don't have to choose yet.

love from 

Maisie x


----------



## KarenM

Welcome Maisie - glad to hear that you have been accepted, good luck for your journey

Fiona - This link might help you. We have two dogs but have had them from the start. I am sure that things will be fine. The only thing I can see might be na issue is the fact that it is a puppy, but by the time you have got through the process it will be much older.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=82640.0

Hi to everyone - not much going on here. Currently have one screaming child on the naughty mat (dh dealing) so trying to distract myself so I don't get involved. Other sat on my lap trying to type and covering her ears from her sister.

Best go

TTFN
Karen x


----------



## keemjay

Hi all
welcome maisiek  good luck with your journey, its exciting at the start isnt it 

magenta..had to laugh at bubbles being in the naughty corner in front of SW, must've been hard to be firm whilst under the spotlight. hope thurs goes better 

sanita..so sorry dh's sons references are still coming back to haunt you, its not fair. i do sympathise because we have a big extra form clipped to our form F about a risk factor within our extended family which I'm certain is going to slow things down for us..and we have been told as much

sorry i missed chat last night  hope you had a good time. we were at a SS meeting all about 'Introductions' and how it all works when the time comes..i have to say that you girls on here have given such good insight into your introductions that i felt like i knew a lot of it already! we met up with 2 other couples from our prep group who have also been approved and went for a drink afterwards which was nice. they seem to have all the usual gripes about SS as we do! interesting to talk about our differing journeys to panel. have another course next week about life story books so looking forward to that. there were a lot of overseas adopters there too, interesting to chat about their different process

OT - i just wanted to pick up on what you told us about your prep course and the bit about 97.4% of abusers being male. Its been bugging me ever since, and before i post what i think i want to say could you just confirm what sort of abuse they were talking about? 

right better get on, have been in bed with tonsilitus for the best pasrt of a week and today is the first day i actually have some energy, so i need to catch up on 'stuff'
love to all

omg was just going to hit post and got a phone call from SW about a sibling group, 2 girls aged 20 months and 6..these calls come so out of the blue dont they. have confirmed we would like to see form E's 

much happier than 10 mins ago kjx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Fab news KeemJay- have fingers crossed this is your perfect match!!!

hugs
xxxx


----------



## jilldill

KJ, I have everything crossed for you!!!!!!
Love JD x


----------



## Milktray

Hi All

Haven't posted for ages as our HS has taken a little longer than anticipated due to me being in hospital last year on and off for around 4 months!

So anyway we are now back on track and are hoping to go to panel in March - fingers crossed.

Fiona - we have a labrador puppy and although we have had her from the start it has never been an issue as such.  Basically our SW has to do 2 assessments on her and providing she doesn't she any dangerous or aggressive behaviour from her then having her shouldn't cause us a problem with the HS.  I do get very embarrassed though as she is such an excitable puppy that every time our SW comes for a visit she virtually knocks her off her feet - good job she is a dog lover!!

Good luck everyone!

T x


----------



## wynnster

Hi Girls

Firstly so sorry I didn't get much time in Chat last night, I was really looking forward to having a chin wag and got kicked off  

KJ - Great News!!! Fingers crossed these are the ones  

Cindy - Congrats to you too  

Magenta - Hope thursday goes better too but I must admit  I had to laugh re Bubbles in the corner, can just see you smiling to SW and being firm with Bubbles  

Karen - LOL at no 2 closing her ears to naughty sister  

Milktray - Glad to hear things are back on track and hope March comes quickly for you  

Maisie - Hello, Congrats on being accpeted and best of luck for prep 

We had our first day at Prep yesterday, I was so nervous to begin with but nerves soon settled after a few ice breaking games etc.  I was quite suprised by the size of the group though, 16 in total. 
We've got homework already, but day 2 isn't for a few weeks so we've got time to complete it. 
We consentrated on Loss and Grief yesterday and it was quite an eye opener to say goodbye to the child we'll never have, you could see a few people moved by that exercise.  
We both feel relieved to have finally begun this next stage and we're looking forward to day 2  

Hi to everyone i've missed  

Kimmy xx


----------



## superal

Hi everyone

KJ - excellent news, have my fingers crossed that these are the perfect match for you, lovely ages!!

Kimmy -Oh what did you say to get chucked out of the chat night? 

Milktray - WELCOME BACK!!!!  

Cindy - Has the news sunk in yet?

Well I've tried catching up on everyones news since we got back of holiday, which seems so long ago now!  & I've realised I'm hopeless, so unless you post something in the recent messages I am really sorry and I do apologise.

Well tomorrow we should all get snow, were having bets on how much snow will fall.  I love the snow but hate driving in it, so I hope the council will be out in force and gritting the roads tonight, I must say they are pretty good.

Well I really must go and get on with my studying.

TFN
Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies
KJ - sorry, was talking about sexual abuse and the 'safe caring' parenting that our LA advise everyone does to start with regardless of evidence of sexual abuse.  Great news about the call, fingers crossed.

Kimmy, Glad your first prep day went well, that was a hard one to start with.  We had 14 people/7 couples on ours.

Milktray, welcome back and good luck for March.

Off to put the heating on, just got in from work and its freezing.  Great chatting last night.
Love
OT x


----------



## everhopeful

Hi ladies

Short update from me.... we've found out that certain members of birth family have moved to where we live. We assume it's pure coincidence. We know it's very close to where I work and possible that they may use same GP's practice!
Scary! All we can do really, is carry on with our lives and just be extra careful who we speak to! After all, this is our home and we're certainly not moving for anyone!!

On a happier note, we hope to start ball rolling for number 2 sometime over next couple of months! So watch this space!!

Hi to everyone! Sorry I missed the chat last night, I always seem to miss the boat!!!

xx


----------



## fiona1

Thanks for your replies, after a terrible night DH and I were both up 4 times and eventually DH had to sleep downstairs with the puppy!!! We have decided we will be re homing it.

Hope it doesn't snow too much tonght as we fy off to Barbados tomorrow and don't want any delays.

Congratulations to KJ have everything crossed for you.

Hope you all have a good week. Will post when i get back.......29 degrees here i come 

Fiona


----------



## keemjay

OT thanks for clarifying/confirming... i just wanted to pick up on the bit about 97.4% of abusers being male. Its been bugging me ever since, i cant believe they expect the men to hold back on dealing with a child initially. fair enough if the child had been abused by a man, but where there is no known history of abuse i think its a horrifying thing to advise you.I honestly dont know where your SW's got those figures from. my dh and i have had to do a great deal of studying in this area, and had an appt at what is considered to be one of the most widely respected agencies dealing in the assessment, treatment and research of sex offenders.(they are behind the 'Stop It Now Campaign') i've pulled out some of the literature thay have given us. its obviously difficult to be sure because 80% of abuse goes unreported..but the figures we were given were these
50% of abusers are male
between 5-20% are female
30% are adoloescents and children (ie children abusing children)
obviously in the last category some of those adolescents might be male so would hike up the figures for male abusers but whichever way i look at the info we have i cant see how anyone could get to the conclusion of 97.4% of abusers being male!
So without sounding bossy i would take what your SW's are saying with a large pinch of salt, nod in the right places, agree with what they say and then ignore it when the time comes! You and your dh will have been subject to the usual CRB checks and that should be enough frankly. I'm not sure exactly what this 'safe caring' idea involves but I would be appalled to be told my dh couldnt say change a nappy /take a child to the toilet unaccompanied/bath them when i was being allowed to do the same things freely.
sorry to rant but I'm really shocked at what you've been told and their blatant misuse of the facts and figures
sending best wished to your dh, i feel for him and all the other males on the course who have been made to feel most uncomfortable 

kj x


----------



## Mummyof2

KJ - wow, what a lovely phone call - those ages sound great.  At our prep course we weren't told to keep dhs away from the new child when it came along.  We were told that we would find it difficult adapting to having a new child in the house so should support each other and take turns with looking after little one in the first few weeks.

Fiona1 - sounds like rehoming might be the best option.  When we first got our kitten he had a couple of nights where he mewed for hours.  I got one of ds's stuffed toys and put that in the basket for kittie to snuggle up with and it worked a treat - no more mewing.  Perhaps you could try that or hot water bottle and ticking clock in a cardboard box bed to simulate mum.

Ever - what a shock!  Fingers crossed that littlie grows up fast and isn't easily recogniseable any more by birth family!

Andrea - woo hoo - snow - bring it on  

Bye for now


----------



## TraceyH

Hi All

Well so much has happened in a week it is lovely to read everyone's news.  I have never been good at personals but enjoy reading the posts.

We have had our little chap home for nearly 2 weeks now and he has come on in leaps and bounds.  We initally had some problems with his sleeping pattern as he had never slept in a bedroom of his own and was awake anytime between 3am and 5am, so on Sunday I decided to take the bull by the horns and try controlled crying so I gave him his milk, put him in his cot at 7pm and reassured him that we were not far away, expecting him to cry for an hour, I only had to go in twice to reassure him again and he was asleep by 7.20pm and did not wake up until 7am the next morning he  has done the same since.  He is doing really well considering we are all full of coughs and colds.

Yesterday I ventured out to a Mums and Toddlers group with a friend of mine who has a son one month older than ours and they loved it.  We found out today that one of the children there has chicken pox so no doubt it is on its way!

Anyway I am going to make the most of this extra time and get some jobs done and finish my wine.

Tracey x


----------



## Barbarella

Hey eveyone

Sorry I've not been great at keeping in touch, but was pleased to hear everyone's news on chat last night.  Bea had a sickness bug that lasted nearly 2 weeks, but she's fine now.  That was an experience I can tell you.  So, I've been poo'd on and sicked on now... does that make me a proper Mum?  LOL.  She is back to her gorgeous little self now anyway and it feels like she's been here forever, not nearly 2 months.

KJ... wow what an ending to your post.  Am keeping everything crossed that this is it.  Please keep us posted.

Superal... know I've emailed, but welcome back... glad you had a great holiday...!!

Fiona1... have a great time in Barbados... I'm not jealous, honest !!!!

Ever... I can't believe your news about birth family.. how scary.  Have SS given you any support in this... must be really worrying for you.  I am sure the reality will be fine and you won't bump into them.  Have you met them??

Kimmy... glad the prep course is going ok... we enjoyed ours after the 1st day.. it is nervewracking to start with isn't it... you are on your way now...  

Welcome Maisiek... good to chat last night..

Welcome back Milktray.. nice to see you back, and hope you are well after your hospital stay last year.

Magenta... had to laugh about Bubbles in the corner too... bless his heart... lol that's the kind of thing that happens to us.

Sanita.. so sorry that those refs are coming back to haunt you.. I really hope you get it sorted out.  Doesn't seem fair to me at all.. you sound like a lovely couple... who deserve a child to love... and vice versa.  

Hello to everyone I chatted to last night, was really nice.


Other news from us, is that we've already booked our first family holiday in September... so hoping the adoption goes through before then or we're stuffed.  We couldn't not book it as IL's have booked a villa for 2 weeks in Crete and wanted us to join them... free babysitters, free luxury villa, er..... didn't take much persuasion.. lol.   We wanted to get on the same flight coming back, so had to book....  hope the SW's don't hang about.  After the first adoption review we were told we could apply at the minimum 10 weeks, which will be 23 Feb, so hoping that there won't be any delays.

Life with Bea is wonderful... keeping everything crossed for all of you lovely ladies who are waiting... and who are going through the process.  It will be you soon.

Love C xx


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Girls
Fiona1 - have a great time on hols, hope you don't get any delays.

C - fingers crossed all will go smoothly and quickly for you.  How great having a holiday to look forward to as well.

Tracy - good to hear all is going well.

Ever - what a shock for you all.  Good luck with going for #2.

KJ - thanks for your post.  We were all really surprised about it as well and one of the exercises we had to do was whether different senarios were 'risky' or 'safe'.  I made a point of saying I wouldn't be married to DH, let alone on a prep course with him if I thought he would do anything to harm a child in any way and that we had to still be able to parent any child we were matched with.  There were things like 'adoptive dad reading a bedtime story in the lounge', 'bathing a child with the bathroom door shut' and 'the child comes and wants to have a cuddle in your bed' - for that the SW said we should take a duvet downstairs into the lounge and sit on the sofa.  She said it was what foster carers had to do all the time, which I know from a friend who is a FC in another area that she was told the same, and that we would have to do it initially until the trust was there.  As you say, we are going with the flow, hopefully saying yes in the right places and will then get on with it the best way we can for everyone involved.  We are waiting to hear at the moment whether they take us on, not sure how long that takes, and though they said they didn't see any problems at our IV I'm still trying to prepare myself for more disappointment - built in after ivf I think.

Well, off to bed with my lemsip and tissues, not too happy with DH for passing his bugs on to me!

Love
OT x


----------



## jilldill

Hi Girls,
How annoying I couldn't join you last night hope you all had a good old chin wag!!
Things are great with me we have just submitted our adoption forms I can't believe Sunshine has been with us for 10 weeks now!!!
The Health Visitor has been again and is delighted with her progress.
Fiona how lovely have a great time
Ever, what a horrible thing to happen i hope it all pans out with out any problems and good luck with your next adventure
Barbarella, so glad Bea is back on form will pm you
Superial glad the hols went well
Magenta, sorry but you made me laugh to with Bubbles in the corner!!

Hi to everyone else love JD x


----------



## maisiek

Hi ladies


Karen - thanks for welcoming me to this board, its so lovely to talk to people who are in the same situation.  

Keemjay - hope you feel better soon, sympathise re the tonsilitus, I used to get it a lot as a child and still get it occasionally now.  Make sure you rest up!

Kimmy - your first prep day sounds really interesting: i can imagine saying goodbye to the child you never had being quite emotional.  Thanks for sharing your day: good to know what kind of thing to expect.  What sort of thing do you have to do for your homework?

Barbarella - guess you must be a proper mum now!!!  Must be so lovely - well not the sick bit obviously, but just being there to take care of your little girl, helping to reassure her and nurse her better.  (also lovely to chat to you last night - good to hear about your journey etc).

Well hope you have fun in the snow tomorrow.  We don't ever get snow (I live in the west country) and I kind of miss it really.  Hope no one gets delayed etc.

Oh and have just been sent the first part of our application form: can't believe how much they need to know.  Especially my address for the last 10 years!!  Oops have moved about quite a bit as was a student for some of that time!!!  Do you think it will look bad -  as if not settled etc??  Have lived at this address now for about 3 and half years??  Would appreciate your thoughts guys.

love maisie xx


----------



## Milktray

maisiek said:


> Oh and have just been sent the first part of our application form: can't believe how much they need to know. Especially my address for the last 10 years!! Oops have moved about quite a bit as was a student for some of that time!!! Do you think it will look bad -  as if not settled etc?? Have lived at this address now for about 3 and half years?? Would appreciate your thoughts guys.


I have the same issue as I come from a military background and our SW wanted all our addresses from birth!! It was a mammoth task, I think I had over 26 moves!! Plus we have only been living at our present address for 5 years.

For us all my moving worked to our advantage as it shows that I can empathise with upheavel and making and losing friends (separation and loss). So if your SW does question this you could always say the same!

T x


----------



## Mummyof2

Maisie - I too come from military background and had loads of moves in my life.  Got into the habit of moving about after I left home too and carried on moving every 6 years (but stayed in the same town).  Now I have moved to a new town 6.5 years ago when dh got a promotion so I have itchy feet but got to stay put until adoption is over.  It was very hard working out my addresses all over the world but with the help of my parents I managed it.  Dh comes from same military background so had the same problem but a chat with his parents helped get addresses and dates right.  SW didn't mention it when she saw all our addresses.  We too stressed the empathy with upheaval, making new friends, coping with stress etc.

Lots of lovely snow here as it has been snowing since 6am.  Henry the kitten had a lovely time in the snow dashing around on the patio and sliding on his tummy making tiny snow balls as he skidded along and then patting the snow balls.  Then he got cold and came in to try and sit on my knee to warm up as he was all wet.  He got refused!  It is the first time he has seen snow. He is 7 months old now and very cute.


----------



## coxy

Hi ladies

Im off for our first interview today, hopefully they will say we can apply.  

They sent us a dvd to watch about the agency and one of the couples on it was one of the couples we were with at the last agency who were crap, seems they must have thought they were crap as well!!

Julia x


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

Maisie - welcome to the adoption board.  Look forward to sharing your journey with you.  Hope your interview goes ok today.

Kimmy - it's good to hear that you enjoyed your first day Prep Course.  Have fun with the homework!

Andrea - glad you enjoyed your holiday.  

KJ - everything crossed for you, hope to hear some good news soon.

Jennifer - awww Henry kitten sounds so cute.  My Tia loved playing in the snow this morning, but her brother was more weary (big baby).  

C & Tracey H - lovely to hear how you are getting on.

Ever - how awful for you with the birth family.  

Milktray - nice to see you back posting.

Magenta - hope today is going ok for you?

Hi to everyone else.

We have met our new link worker. She seems like she is going to be really pro-active and our first impressions of her are positive.  

Laine


----------



## maisiek

Hi everyone,

Milktray & Jennifer thanks for your comments re moving about a lot, I hadn't thought about how it might be seen as a positive ie empathising with the child's moving around etc.  Glad to know it wasn't a problem for you guys.    Jennifer ....... Henry sounds adorable!  I so love cats, but kittens are just so cute .... I bet you can't stop watching him getting up to lots of antics!!!  

Coxy - good luck with interview: let us all know how it goes. 

Laine - sorry to sound dumb but ........ what is a link worker  Is it to do with matching you with a child  

Hope everyone had a good day today,  as predicted no snow down here.  boo hoo..... I love it when it snows.......

Lol Maisie x


----------



## magenta

hello everyone,

Just a quick post to say our placement review meeting went well and they are happy to proceed to court.  Bubbles was a wee super star and was lovely and 'attached' through the meeting - big hugs and signing along to stories with us etc.  I think they were 'wowed' at how much she has come on and how settled she is.  So it is now just a case of getting the reports written and the paperwork off to the solicitors ready to apply.  They don't think it is unreasonable for us to get a court date early this summer if everything is done on time.  it is a shame it will take so long but apparently the courts are dealing with a backlog so everything is delayed by a month or two.

better go - bedtime story required.

magenta xx


----------



## Barbarella

Best of luck Laine, now you have met with your link worker... hope she gets things moving for you soon.        

Magneta... great news about proceeding to court... I am hoping that ours gets done way before September, because we've booked our holiday for then... am now worried reading your post, because you are ahead of us...    Oh well... we're meeting with SW tomorrow so will ask her about timescales.  Would be really upset if we couldn't go now.... 

Thanks Maisie... it's lovely being a Mum - even the sick bits... you just feel very protective.  You'll be saying the same things before long.  Seems like an eternity when you are at the beginning, but it absolutely whizzes by... 

Love C xx


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies
Well we had some snow today, a couple of inches and it continued until lunch time and then all disappeared!  Looked pretty while it lasted though.


Magenta, well done you.  Hope the proceedings go smoothly for you and without any delays.

Barbarella, hope Bea is ok now.

Maisie, hows things going?

Hope Fiona got away on holiday ok today.

Does anyone know how long roughly it takes for SS to reply after they have received the official application form?  DH delivered ours on Monday and we have had confirmation it has gotten to the right department and that they will be in touch in 'due course' but how long is 'due course'?  I've got my back up plan all worked out incase they say 'no thanks'.  I just wondered whether there is a gov guideline on how long they take to make a decision.

Off to get a hot chocolate and then snuggle in bed with DH to watch Bonkers, was funny last week - did anyone else see it?

Love
OT x


----------



## sanita

Morning all,

Thought I'd do my weekly catch up seeing as i was kept awake most of last night by a dog and two cats who all wanted to snuggle up on the bed and keep warm.  I think the pets had a great nights sleep, but DH and I ended up hanging out of bed with no duvet.  I know we should have kicked them off, but the poor dog was actually shivering.

Old Timer - Our agency came back to us within about 10 days with a decision, but I don't think there are any official time limits.

Magenta - Great to hear that everything is proceeding well and that you should get your day in court soon.  Will you be planning some kind of a party to mark the event?

Laine - So pleased for you that your link worker seems to be on the ball.  I hope that she gets things moving for you.

Coxy - Hope the interview went well.  Let us know how you got on.

Maisiek - I have moved a lot during my adult life, 11 moves in 20 years (they are the ones I can remember).  There was reasons behind each move and I didn't have any problems explaining them during HS.

Jilldill - Another one hoping to legalise the adoption soon.  I hope that like Magenta, you will get a date shortly.

Barbarella - 2 weeks in a villa in Crete.  Sounds absolutely wonderful.  I could do with a dose of that right now.  

TraceyH - I loved reading your post.  Your happiness shines through.  Enjoy every moment (like I needed to tell you that  ).

Fiona - When our dog was a puppy he cried at night until we gave him a ticking clock, a cuddly toy and a hot water bottle.  But if the puppy isn't fitting in with your family / plans perhaps you are wise to look towards re homing.  Good luck with it.

Ever - Well done for being positive about birth families move.  I suppose it's one of those things that can happen.

Andrea - Well we got snow here and I too hate driving in it.  I did make it into work yesterday, but about 50% didn't.

Kimmy - We loved Prep and learnt so much from it.  We were lucky as our trainer is an adoptive mum of three so she was talking with the benefit of personal experience.  Hope you continue to enjoy it.  We didn't enjoy the homework so much, there was tons of it.

Milktray - Welcome back.

Keemjay - What an exciting development.  Let us know an update when you have one.

Nothing much to report from me.  Had a few referrals through from the Adoption Register this week and have also enquired about a couple of kiddies in BMP (so far have been met with a barrage of answer machines).  I am really up and down with all this.  I remember when we were going through the approval process that everyone said it gets harder when you are approved and waiting.  I couldn't understand that at the time, but I get it now.  It doesn't help that work is horrid at the minute, our company has been taken over and we are all having to apply for our own jobs.  Anyway I'm going now before I moan anymore and make you all miserable.  Chin up, it's Friday.   

Sanita


----------



## Mummyof2

Sanita - big hug coming your way as you sound like you need it.  

Laine - good news that your link worker sounds on the ball.  It makes the world of difference.

Magenta - glad it all went so well.  Is baby deaf then as she was signing?  Or is she one of these babies that are taught signing before they speak so that they can communicate better until they are able to use words?  I have read that signing is supposed to stop toddler tantrums as most tantrums are caused by frustration at not being able to communicate their needs and wants.  My son started his tantrums at 18 months and it was very difficult for a few months until he stopped.

We still have masses of snow here in the West Midlands.  We had about 6 inches yesterday as the snow fell from 6am-7pm!  My son was sent home from school at 1pm but his school is open today.  I love the snow and it is great to look out over our large snowy garden.  Henry kitten and ds had a great time in the snow, chasing each other about.  Ds thought it would be fun to chuck snowballs at Henry, my car, the front door and any windows he could see!  Normally he would have got told off but snow is so rare I just enjoyed seeing the fun he had and we even managed a snow ball fight ourselves.  Lots of children out with sledges.  Feel sorry for the little birds though as they get cold and hungry.  We went out last night, despite the snow, to boundary mills as they have a great sale on at the moment if any of you live near to one of the stores nationwide.

Bye for now


----------



## askingangels

Hello Everyone

ever - really shocked about birth family. Do you know them? I am worried that could happen when we are place as we are adopting from an authority which is really close to us.

kj - hope this is the perfect match. Have you heard anything yet?

mj - Hope you are managing with the paperwork. We found it quite a task as dh has moved about a bit and trying to remember jobs as well. It was like applying for a job but a lot more intrusive. It will be worth all the effort though.

kimmy - glad you are enjkoying the prep course. We enjoyed ours it made us realise that this really is the right decision.

magenta/barbarella - hope you get court dates very soon.

Well we got back from our little break to see the in laws and the fancy dress party. We were the only ones who made an effort but we didnt care after a few drinks. SIL was over the moon. I phoned SS's when we got back. We have been allocated a SW and unfortunately she isnt one we have met but hope she will be very nice. Our HS is starting on Monday. aaarrggh. We be tidying the house like a mad woman this weekend. We are doing medical forms and booking in rest of visits. How many visits do they usually do?

We are going to keep our dog in the garden for the first meeting as she is in season   and I dont want the SW to have to deal with that.   Do you think they will mind if I leave her outside.

Must Go

Love to you all

  

Sxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Askingangels - they usually say 6-8 visits for the home study but we had 10 for some reason - probably because dh likes to talk and so we didn't get through the topics that we were supposed to in the time allocated. There is no shutting him up when he gets pontificating    Glad you had a nice holiday.  Ooops to being the only ones in fancy dress      Re the dog - I would think that one visit with the dog outside would be fine, unless it is snowing or raining etc which would then show a lack of care.  You could explain that the dog was in season if your sw was an animal lover, although then you would have to explain why you had not got your dog spayed as sw might think you want to over-run with pups or exploit your dog by selling the pups etc - could lead to all sorts of searching questions - not what you want on your first sw visit!  You couldn't say you hadn't the funds to get your dog spayed as that would raise the prickly issue of finances at an early stage (one of the home study topics is finances - we had to show all our incomings and outgoings to prove we could support another child).  Mind you, it wouldn't be nice for your adopted child to have to dodge the blood droplets every season   and they might be frightened if you are trailed by male dogs when out walking your female dog when she is in season.  Probably just best to say you've put the dog outside as this was sw first visit and you wanted to concentrate on the visit.


----------



## coxy

Hi ladies

I am having a bad few days, we were just heading out of the door yesterday to drive to the next town for our initial interview and i suddenly remembered to check the house phone and there was a message on there saying our apptment was cancelled, i rang the sw back and i wasnt too pleased, i said i would have appreciated it if they had kept trying on the house phone until someone answered it, dh was there all morning apart from when he dropped me at work, it will be re-scheduled for March now sometime, but to be honest, i just dont know if its all worth it, i know its only early stages but with the problems with had with our last agency, it makes you worth if adoption is actually for us.

Also, i am waiting for a MRI scan so i can go into hosp and have my left tube and ovary removed cos of endo, was told my apptment for the scan would be in 6-8 weeks and when i rang today to chase date, i was told i havent even been assessed yet and are more likely to be classed as routine, which is 4mths!!!

I could scream and stamp my feet today.....  

Julia


----------



## saphy75

Coxy, i'm so sorry hun   

only you can decide whether to continue or not but trust me hun if you do continue it will be worth all the stress when you have your child/children placed with  
in the mean time have as many   as you need  

pam xx


----------



## coxy

Hi Pam

Thanks for the message, i was just looking at your photo, how many animals have managed to squeeze into the one bed? i cant quite make it out.

Julia x


----------



## Mummyof2

Julia - Poor you - I am afraid that cancellations at the very last minute are par for the course with social services in my experience. We had our adoption support group cancelled last night at 4pm - it was due to start at 7.30pm - but it was cancelled because of the snow so good reason. One of our home study visits last year was cancelled an hour before because our sw was called away to an emergency with a child so that was understandable but annoying for us, especially for my dh who had had to take time off work - for no reason as it turned out.

Our initial meeting with our first LA (before we swapped) was rubbish. When we turned up for our pre-booked appointment the sw we were supposed to be seeing had gone out on an emergency without sorting out someone to meet us so another sw had to step in at the last moment when we turned up clutching our letter showing time/date of appointment pre-booked. She hadn't even got our file to hand and asked us to fill out forms and re-tell information we had already done. Dh got very cross and demanded she find our file etc and said how poor an impression we had received of this LA. The poor sw was so nervous after that that her hand shook for the entire hour and a half of the interview! Mind you, as it turned out they were rubbish but we gave them a few months before swapping.

Medical appointments being delayed are also par for the course. My friend's dad waited on the list for cataract removal for 3 years as he was told it would be about a 3 year wait. When he enquired where he was on the list, he was told that he was not on the list as his paperwork must have been lost so he would have to go on the list now and wait another 3 years. By the time he got to the top of the list his eye sight was so poor he had gone past the stage where cataracts can be removed so he is now more or less blind. Make sure you ring them up regularly and chase that you are actually on the list now. Also if you ask to speak to the consultant's secretary she can often fit you in sooner if you say you are available for a cancellation appointment.

Huge hugs to you and you have my sympathy, especially as you have been messed around by your new LA. From talking to people re adoption it seems to me that LAs are the slowest to process you as they are understaffed as there is a national shortage of SW - they are also slowed by over work and undue red tape. As you have not actually started with the new LA, have you looked into swapping to a private agency? http://www.baaf.org.uk/agency_db/noflash_textonly/frameset_noflash.htm is an excellent link that shows all adoption agencies in your area.

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.UK or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


----------



## askingangels

jennifer - our dog is still a puppy but is in season a lot every 3 months, we are getting her spayed as soon as this season has gone. So hopefully the SW will understand. She has got a kennel in the garden so wouldnt be stood in the bad weather.    . 

I think our HS will probably go on and on as me and dh like to talk.      . Im so excited for the HS in a way but scared as well. I hope they like us.   

Anyway going to go and warm up its freezing here in the north east.     

Sxx


----------



## coxy

Hi Jennifer

Thanks for the message, it was really good of you, i will have a look at the link in a min.

Surprisingly i have just had a phone call frm the hospital to say i can have a MRI scan next Wednesday, i dont know why i am president over other people, but wont look a gift horse in the mouth, i suppose its because i keep ringing her and nagging her and she wants to get rid of me! 

Julia x


----------



## naoise

Hi everybody

It was great to chat to you all the other night I hope we all do it again soon.

KJ I am keeping my fingers crossed for you the ages sound lovely.

Coxy I am really sorry to hear that your appointment was cancelled it is soo annoying when they do that.

Ever what a shock you must have had I hope things work out OK you are just right  about not moving.

We are still waiting to hear when our panel meeting is for the girls, I am really frustrated they seem to be dragging their feet over it I don't why. our sw's manager called the girls la and gave off stink as they are also annoyed about the delay. The girls sw was off all this week so I am sure that it hasn't helped. How long after you saw childrens Form E did you get to matching panel? I just don't want to think that it might be soon and keep getting my hopes just to have them shot down again when our sw doesn't ring. I have been quite down recently I am trying to keep my spirits up but when we don't hear anything for another week I just get really upset. We are soo close and yet so far it is really hard to keep my mind on other things. Do you think that if we ring our sw next week should we let them know how frustrated we are about all the delays?

love K


----------



## maisiek

Hi everyone,

Barbarella .......... thanks, I really do hope it does whiz by, hard not to be impatient at the start!!

OT ................ hope you hear from SW soon now you have put application form in.  Good luck.

Sanita ...............  guess sharing a crowded bed and being kept awake all night will be good practice for later!!  Hope the dog warmed up.. bless him.

Coxy  ..............  you must have felt really gutted when you discovered appt cancelled.  Don't give up yet honey..... it will all be worth it......

Naoise ..... hope you hear something soon!   Must be driving you mad!

Everyone else hope you are all ok.  Still no snow here at all!  Have just received letter giving all the dates of prep course in March .... can't wait ......!  I got to hold someone's baby today for about an hour and he fell asleep in my arms.  It was so lovely ...... Really can't wait to be a mummy.

love maisie x


----------



## jilldill

Hi Maggie,
So you attended that first meeting? I wasn't sure if we were expected to go or what the situation was. Can you tell me abit more about it, how official was it and what happened? We have just submitted our papers.
Love Jill x


----------



## magenta

hello,

not got time to do personals as Bubbles is downstairs on her own (we are trying to leave her alone for 5 - 10minutes through the day so that she cna play on her own and we move on from the separation anxiety that crespt in over the past two weeks (not adoption related...just an 'age and stage' thing of wanting to be where mummy is all te time.

Anyway....

Bubbles isn't deaf but we use tiny talk signing to help her communicate. She started in foster care and we continue it by using the signs and learning new ones from 'Something Special' on Cbeebies.  it helps her to let us know when she is 'all done' with food rather than get frustrated and throw it everywhere!  So we also sign along to 'twinkle twinkle little star' etc.

We go to every placement review meeting  - there have been four so far (the first one set out the timetable for placment; second approved the move and the last two have confirmed that all is well).  there will be one more meeting beofre court and that is just because it is required by law given that she is a 'looked after' child.

Now that the meeting is over we just leave all the forms, reports etc to the placement review team to sort and write.  other than turn up on the court date that is our only involvement.

it sounds like the Scottish system is quite different to that in England, wales and NI.

Anyway...better go...cries of 'mummy mummy' from bottom stairgate...not as bad as it sounds cos it is mixed in with eeiiieeeiiioooo (as in 'old macdonald had a farm ).

BTW - naoise - we got DD's form in July and weren't met with til mid september and matched til october ...and ours was a 'rush job'.  so don't worry too much.

magenta xxx


----------



## cindyp

Hi, no time for personals as I have 1001 things to check before we leave in the morning 

It all feels very surreal at the moment, we have packed our suitcases as if we are going on holiday for a week (which in a way we are as we are going to the seaside) only at the end of this holiday we are coming back with a baby girl!!

I've been shopping for England, bought the cotbed/travel system/highchair and steriliser from Babies R Us only to find that they couldn't guarantee delivery because of the snow.  Ended up squeezing them all into the back of my car and driving 25 miles home just using my wing mirrors    Just got to try out the steriliser tonight and wrap presents for Junior/Cuddles to give to each other when they first meet.  It's going to take us about 4 hours to get to the holiday cottage that SS have booked for us and we are meeting my parents there who are going to look after Junior during the early part of the intros.  Towards the end of the week we believe we will be able to involve him more in the intros but that will be confirmed at the planning meeting on Monday.  Unfortunately we are all a bit sleep deprived as Junior has had another cold and reached the tickly cough stage two nights ago where he doesn't sleep.  At least that means that our new daughter will get to see us in our natural state, knack***d.  

Looking forward to updating you all on Cuddles when we get back.

Hope everyone is well.

love
Cindy

PS, just a quick one for Naoise, we saw Cuddles Form E in the middle of November and matching panel was 5th February.


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## saphy75

Good luck Cindy, i hope everything goes smoothly hun. I can't wait to hear all about cuddles and how it's all gone  

pam xx


----------



## Barbarella

Just wanted to wish Cindy all the luck in the world for the coming week. I know how stressful intros are, and must be more so with a little one in tow.  I hope it all goes well.

Naoise - we had her Form E on 10 October and went to matching panel on 23 November.  Ours was rushed through as well, due to Xmas.  We were very very lucky to get her before Xmas.

Hope everyone is ok...

Love C xx


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## LB

good luck Cindy and family
have a great time 
looking forward to hearing all your news

best wishes
LB
X


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## superal

Cindy - all the best for tomorrow, not as though you are going to need it.  Our DS met our DD on day 3 of intros, just for the day and on day 5 we brought her home.  Every thing will be fine.

Not time for any more personals as I am just about to go shopping with dd BUT had to let you know that we went as a family last night to see SHAYNE WARD in concert and boy was he good!!!!!    I'm so glad I've got a daughter who likes him as I didn't look to sad of a person being 40 and drooling over him, I did refrain from throwing any thing on the stage, DH wouldn't let me!!! 

TFN
Love
Andrea
xx


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## jan welshy

Good luck Cindy. Travel safely there and back.
Love
Welshy


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## sanita

Sending Cindy and family lots of luck.  Can't wait to hear all about it.

Sanita


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## Mummyof2

Cindy - thinking of you and I hope all went well.  Can't wait to hear all about it.

Superal - glad you had a nice time at the concert.  Dh wants to go and see The Who in Birmingham later this year.

The snow has more or less all gone now after a day of rain yesterday.  Sunny today now.


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## melaniejhodson

Good luck Cindy and enjoy every moment.  Looking forward to hearing all about it.


----------



## Freddie2

Hello everyone

Have been reading the adoption boards for a while, but this is the first time I have plucked up courage to post!  Have found this thread really helpful, informative and also so supportive, and it's lovely to read such positive stories especially recently.  

Following 3.5 years of unsuccessful fertility treatment, we have decided to adopt and are feeling very excited about it. I'm 39 and my husband is 42.

Having never had children we are keen to adopt an infant/young toddler although I feel very embarrassed admitting to that as I know it sounds selfish. We were originally told by our LA in S. London that this would be unlikely as they only had older children available. We therefore explored international adoption, visited Guatamala in Jan and    decided to go that route.

However, we met with our LA last week (to get the go-ahead to do the international prep course in Barnet) and they are now saying that they think that we should seriously consider domestic adoption.  We are from a mixed background (Italy, Poland and Scotland) and so the social worker says that we may stand a chance of being placed with an infant of European background.  She said that she couldn't give any guarantees but we may possibly be nicely surprised in terms of the age of the child.

So having set our hearts on Guatemala we are now seriously re-considering and will probably go the domestic route.  Do you think it is realistic that we could possibly be placed with an infant of up to about 2 in the UK or is that very unusual? Has anyone else had this dilemma (international/domestic) and decided on a particular route?

Also my husband thinks that because the SW was so determined to steer us towards domestic, and asked so many questions about our heritage, she may possibly already have a child in mind....is he being hopelessly optimistic or is that possible? 

Thank you so much in advance for your help, and very much look forward to getting to know you all better over the coming months.

with very best wishes
Freddie xx


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## sanita

Hello and welcome Freddie.

What you have experienced does not surprise me, however many of the regulars on this message board have been placed with under 2s.  

Sometimes it is the case that those wanting littlies have to wait longer, but not always.  Also with you being in the capital and being a mixed race couple I would think you are ideally placed.  

Maybe the SW does have a child in mind, but keep in mind the length of the process you still have to go through.  During that time numerous children will probably go in and out of the care system.

You only have to look in the magazines such as Children Who Wait and Be My Parent to see how many mixed race children are waiting for a family that can reflect their ethnic background.  I'm not surprised that the SW is trying to get you to go the domestic route.

Good luck with whatever you decide and don't be embarrassed about wanting a young 'un, go for whatever is right for you and your family.

Sanita


----------



## Mummyof2

Freddie - welcome to you.  As Sanita has said you are ideal candidates for a under 2 child of mixed race and there are lots of those looking for parents so I am sure your LA will snap you up as prospective adopters.  London in particular has lots of mixed race children.  I should stay with domestic adoption as the timescales will be about the same as going abroad as you still have to have a home study as I understand it.  I am waiting for a White British child up to the age of 2.5 years myself.  Lots of people on here have had under 3s placed with them.  I personally think all LAs tell you that there are no littlies to try and put you off and hoping you will widen your age range to incorporate the older children that often get over looked.  Take it with a pinch of salt.


----------



## coxy

Hi ladies
I did post a seperate thread, but to cut a long story short as i am due to go into hosp for a partial hysterectomy they have said we cant start the process until 6mths after the op because of emotions and hormones, i hit the bloody roof, said i had been waiting 6 years for this op and it wasnt as if i was having it to become fertile, i was having it as there was no chance of having children naturally or throu tx and we wanted to get on with adopting and also let me have some quality of life without the horrendous af pain, so it looks like we have to start with another agency now, or do you think they would say the same thing?

Julia x


----------



## keemjay

hi and welcome to freddie.i agree with the others..i think you would be just perfect for domestic adoption and there is no reason why you cant have a younger child. SS always try and put you off but the reality is that there ARE young children in the system with new ones coming in all the time. this morning i received out 'children who wait' magazine and you wouldnt believe the amount of  mixed race children that are in there...

cindy - wishing you all the best with your intros, sounds like its going to be a busy week. hope you all cope ok 

naoise - how frustrating all these holds up must be for you! i think you have every right to nag your SW. perhaps you could ask her to be kind enough to give you a weekly update as you are finding the lack of info really hard. I'm always ringing my sw, dont want her forgetting who we are!!

love to all
kj x


----------



## superal

Hi Freddie and welcome to this part of the boards.

Have been busy working on my assignment today for my DPP, 2 weeks time and it has to be handed in, it's just like being back at school, only this time I have 2 children wanting things and builders knocking walls down around me!!

Hope everyone is OK.

Love
Andrea

PS Melanie I go weak at the knees every time I see that lovely picture of Daniel Craig on your posts!


----------



## KarenM

Hi Everyone

Sorry I've been AWOL.  I have had a horrendous week at work last week and have only just managed to start treading water again!!

Ever - Hope you manage to avoid bumping in to birth family.  We can't go out in certain places with the children for that reason.  Good luck in going for #2

Fiona - hope the snow still allowed you to get your flight on time.

KJ - interesting stats.  We were never told anything like that on our course.

Tracy - glad to hear your little chap has settled in and that the parenting techniques are working for you.

Barbarella - glad that Bea is better and that you are now fully inducted to Mummy status!! Hope things come through in time for your holiday

OT - hope the cold has gone and you enjoyed the rest of your prep course. 

JD - glad sunshine is still beaming in your life.  Good luck with the papers

Maisie - good luck with filling out the form

Laine - hope the link worker finds you a perfect match soon

Magenta - great news on proceeding to court.  Thanks for clarifying the signing, my two love Something Special, but prefer Justin in Higgeldy House!

Sanita - good luck with the job.  Hope you get a result with one of your expressions of interest.

Jennifer - wasn't the snow great here!!  The girls still went to nursery and were a little disappointed today to find it had melted.  I love Boundary Mills (well I love a good bargain!)!

Asking Angels - hope the HS got off to a good start

Naoise - We waited quite a while as our girls had not had their adoption order through but once that was there it was only 8 days until matching panel.  We had known about them for 3 months by then though, Form E July, Adoption order and matching panel August move in November/December.  Hope it all comes through soon.  Have they decided what order to move them?

Cindy - hope you are having a good week, can't wait to hear about Cuddles moving in.  Hope Junior gets better soon

Freddie - Welcome.  When we were on our prep course there seemed to be lots of european children in Be My Parent, particularly of Polish desent.  I am sure they wouldn't get your hopes up if it was not going to be a possibility.  Good luck

Hi to everyone else.

Not much to report here, my dissertation is driving me nuts, so much reading when all I want to do is read Harry Potter - Half Blood Prince before the new one comes out!! 

The girls loved the snow but I can't believe what a nanny state we live in.  ....when I was a girl....  we used to walk almost two miles to school with it going over the top of your wellies and packed tight with so many layers of clothing on that you waddled instead of walked!!  I can't believe how many schools closed.  Tesco's refused to deliver on friday night because of the weather, so I had to venture out and buy something for tea and get some milk in for the morning and it was fine.  Hey Ho!!

TTFN
Karen x


----------



## Freddie2

Thank you all so much for your replies.  We have decided to go ahead with the domestic preparation course and have booked a place on the next course in the middle of March.  Looking forward to it already but not entirely sure what to expect!  SS is going to pop over in advance to give us some information.  

It's a good feeling to have finished IVF (last one was 9 months ago) and knowing that there will definitely be a child at the end of this process, and ill finally be a mum!  We were expecting it to take over 2 years the international route, but it sounds like domestic may be quicker (all being well), which is great.        

Cindy - I just read your post - congratulations! It's lovely to hear such good news, and best wishes for the introductions.

Karen - good luck with your disertation, and Andrea, good luck with your assignment.  I'm finding it hard to concentrate on anything at the moment, except adoption!  

thanks again
Freddiexx


----------



## naoise

Hi girls

There seems to be such a lot going on at the minute with everyone and I am finding it hard to keep up. 
I rang adoption UK yesterday morning just to see if I am wrong to be frustrated with how things are going. And she said that really we should be further on than what we are. So I got on my high horse and rang ss yesterday and of course our sw's manager was off on annual leave. So we are going to have to wait till tomorrow and in a nice way of course ask them what on earth is going on. So I am hoping for some news tomorrow.

Freddie welcome to the boards and I don't think you are wrong at all to want a toddler I think most of us would really like as young a child as possible.

Cindy I hope everything is going really well for you all I am sure it is.

Karen thanks for the mention and I am going to take you up on that offer for a chat, as soon as we get more info about the girls. I know what you mean about the snow we lived in the country and we had to walk in the snow and I can never remember our school being closed.

Hi to everybody else I am going to have to sit down and have a good read to see where everybody is at. Some people are soo good and it makes me feel bad.

Love K


----------



## shelly

Its been some time since i last posted as there was nothing to post , and still nothing .  We have been waiting 17mths now and the last contact we had with SS was March 06. @ that stage she was going on Mat/leave and our new SS see us once and then went on S/leave. 
I phone yesterday and  spoke to the team leader, who had nothing good to say, that we could have as long to wait again or longer. I asked if we had a SS on our case and her reply was that our details were with the board and if there was a suitable match then they would be in touch. I just feel that we are out in the cold with no help and at this stage starting to think is it ever going to happen. 
Sorry for the rant.
Shelly


----------



## superal

Shelly I was sorry to read your post, the waiting game is a hard one to play but when you've not got a SW "actively" looking out for you it must seem worse.

I have read before that people who have been in your situation, waiting for a long time, have sent flyer's out to SS in their area, I'm not sure if this is something you could consider.

Have you looked in the Be My Parent or Children who wait magazines?

I notice your in Ireland, not sure if you get those magazines there,you may have something similar.

All i can do is send you a hug (((()))) and positive vibes your way that you hear something soon.

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## shelly

Thanks for the hug superal.

We did get Be My Parent mag,but again N.Ireland is outside these catch areas.
I did phone Adoption Uk 2day and one of the support workers said that we should consider sending our details to another area in the North, she was going to look into this. Dont know??

Shelly xx


----------



## magenta

Shelly - wanted to send you another hug.  We only waited 6 months but it seemed like forever - especially when we saw others (on here and elsewhere) being matched 'before' us.  however....please trust me when i say tis...when the 'right' match comes along things will happen faster than you can imagine and you will be the family that you always dreamed of (except that dreams don't tend to include sick stains, tantrums and cleaning poo-y nappies do they?!).

When they said on here that the wait after approval was the worst bit I didn't believe them (what could possibly worse than the wait til starting perp course or the long homework and discussion sessions of homestudy??) i didn't beleive til i had to the wait myself...but...when the wait is over it is worth all the wait in the world..even if it takes you several years (which i am sure it won't).  Be open to look at children from other areas (so you might need a holiday cottage for intros if it is a distance away but I am sure CindyP will give you the suss on that one!) and even children with disability (you don't have to say yes but you will never know if you don't look at them).  Our wee one officially has 'major developmental delay' but in reality is just a few months behind her peers and seems to be 'catching up' each day or at least doing everything in her own time which isn't too far short of the mark at 22months.

Anyway...i am blethering...big hug and nice to see you back here,

magenta xx


----------



## shelly

Hi Magenta, thanks for the word of encouragement.

There is an Adoption UK meeting in our area next mth so i will try to find out about other areas.
The problem in this country ,would you believe is the religion differences. Even if the child is the perfect match,if they are not of the same religion it is a no.

Many thanks again  
Shelly


----------



## maisiek

Hi everyone,

Freddie - just wanted to say hi, and that I agree with what everyone else has been saying on this thread, I have heard of quite a few people adopting children under 2 so I reckon you will have a good chance: especially as you have a mixed background (I get the impression from SS that they find it difficult to find prospective adopters in this situation).  Good luck with it all, I am starting a prep course in March too - so can't wait!!

Karen - am at the stage of collating past addresses at the moment!!  Hope you work situation improves ........ also sympathy re the dissertation: good luck with it all, I guess at least it gives you something else to focus on!!

Shelley - it sounds like you have been so patient ... what a long delay though ....... hope things start to happen for you now .. fingers crossed eh.

Hope everyone else is ok --- finding it hard to keep up with all the messages, so sorry if I have missed anyone.  

I am fine, just had my husband's 14 year old daughter to stay for a few days.  We all got on well and I really enjoyed it.  Went out on lots of trips etc, couldn't help but be excited by the thought of doing it with a small child or two as well in the future.  Just can't wait to get started really, but as we haven't even started the prep group yet I know that I need to be much more patient!!

Good luck to everyone,

lol Maisie xx


----------



## Milktray

Hi All

Freddie - as all the others have sais already it is not unrealistic to want a toddler and because of your mixed heritage I would think that this would be a bonus.  We initially wanted to adopt from Russia but after having our prep course and chatting with the SW we decided that Domestic was a far better option for us.  Also we were told that with International adoption you are more likely to wait longer as SW will prioritise domestic adoptees first.  Regarding the time scales my only advice would be to not get any into your head!!  Nobodies journey is the same and yours could be alot quicker or alot slower than the next persons, just try to focus on the final outcome but try to live a normal life at the same time!!

Shelley - so sorry to hear about this delay, I can't imagine how frustrated you must feel.

Magenta - I love the idea of signing with younger children as I truly believe that a lot of their troubles are born of frustration at not being understood!  Hope the separation anxiety doesn't last too long....!

Naoise - I hope that things start moving for you soon.

Maisiek - same for you too, hope things star moving on.

Sorry for not mentioning everyone, but it's really hard to keep up!!

As for us, we had our last official HS session last Friday.  Our SW has now gone away to go over all the sessions and check if she has missed anything.  Then if she has she will pop over for one last quick session to cover these issues.  Then she will show us her report and make any changes we deem necessary.  Panel should then be set for sometime in March.....

To be honest, I know everyone says that the worst part is after approval at panel when you wait, but for us the approval at panel is the worst bit as I have a medical condition that I know the panel will question me about and so we just want to know either way whether it is a 'yes' or 'no'.....then we can breathe a sigh of relief and relax for a while!!  Also we can get on with the DIY in the house without having to tidy up everytime the SW comes!!

Must dash now as got to go to work!

Take care everyone

T x


----------



## superal

Hi Milktray - I can understand your concerns about being approved BUT my thoughts on this, people might want to disagree BUT your SW wouldn't have got you this far if she didn't think you'd be approved. I'll have every thing crossed for you though.

Shelly - I hope something comes from the adoption Uk meeting, fingers crossed.  I know what you mean about religion by the way!  My DH is catholic and I'm not, so in a way we were lucky that we could be considered for a child who the BPS wanted to be brought up in the catholic faith and for children who wanted to be brought up as Church Of England.!  I know a friend who met every criteria for a little girl and it ended up going to another couple because of religion.

Maisiek - sounds as though you've been having a great time and keep hold of that thought that YOU will be doing that with you children soon!

Magenta - posted you a reply on the other thread about general chit chat BUT I;ll say some of it here as well, your doing a fantastic job, keep it up!!

Naoise - hope things progress a bit quicker for you.

Karen - How do you manage to study with 2 girls and a job?  i work on a supply basis so am not in work all the time, I know my children are older BUT I'm struggling to study at the moment, hence why I am sat at my computer now typing this!!

Sanita,LB, Jennifer and Laine (plus the ones I have forgot to mention) I hope you hear some good news soon.  

Everyone is OK here, DH bought me 12 red roses today, a bottle of champagne (to go with the 4 I've already got form my 40th!) a box of chocolates and a pair of socks!!  The socks is an on going personal joke between us both! (who can buy the tackiest ones)

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hiya,

well just a quick post to let you know that Boo is now all ours. Court was a bit weird and over in a flash, but we've had a lovely day. Just as we walked out of the court Boo spotted a sludgy black puddle which he jumped in when i wasn't watching covering us all in mud....and us in our sunday best! little monkey! too late to give him back now though!  

i'll catch up on everyones news now,
xxxruthie


----------



## LB

Hello ladies - what a busy thread we weave 

thanks superal hope you waved your magic wand when you had those thoughts 

Shelly - I understand your frustration- we were matched in 2005 and the intros broke down. We have now been waiting 18 months and seriously wonder if we will ever be matched. At the time we were advised that "things" would be all sorted by February - but it was supposed to be Feb 2006 so a year down the line and no further forward . We have decided we are going to contact SS at the end of March if we have not heard anything more by then.  I try not to think too much about it as it just doesn't help 
I hope that you hear some positive news soon XX

hi Laine  - hope you and J are ok

LB
X


----------



## LB

ooooh missed you by a few seconds posting Ruthiebabe

many congratulations - what a fab journey! are you doing anything nice to celebrate apart from dancing in puddles of course 

enjoy your celebrations
LB
X


----------



## saphy75

Congratulations Ruthie, it's kind of a surreal feeling isn't it ? i'm not sure what i expected on court day but it seemed to be a lot of waiting around then as you said over in a flash   lmao at Boo jumping in a muddy puddle

pam xx


----------



## saphy75

LB the waiting must be driving you mad, i soooo hope you hear something soon hun

pam xx


----------



## morgana

Ruthie

Congratulations...he's all yours...dirty puddles and all
I am so pleased for you

Morgana x


----------



## keemjay

great news ruthie  love boo's way of showing he's celebrating too 

shelly you must be sooooo frustrated, i really hope your SS pull their fingers out soon, its really not good enough 

you too LB, i cant imagine what i would feel like in another years time if we are no further forward 

milktray - well done on completing yout homestudy  like superal says, your sw wouldnt be taking you to panel if they were too worried about your health

karen i SO agree with you about the snow, cant believe what a huge fuss was made about it, was like we'd never had it before, as for schools closing  i went past one school who evidently didnt close and their field was covered in giant snowballs, they'd obviously all had a whale of a time on their morning break, was a lovely sight to see 

hope everyone has a nice valentines evening..we are being oh so romantic and attending an evening about life story work/books at SS!! I'm sure this date was made as a test to peoples commitments  
no news as yet on the 2 little girls, have just phoned to poke SW but everythings on answer phone 

love to all

kj x


----------



## Milktray

Thanks Andrea and KJ for your words of support - we are almost certain that we will be fine but of course there is always that nagging doubt....!!

Congrats on your news Ruthie, I am really happy for you and your family and Boo!

T x


----------



## keemjay

i know what its like to go to panel with an 'issue' hanging over it, its not great fun eh?  but i can tell that the relief is WONDERFUL when you get the long awaited 'yes'  make sure you have some bubbles and good friends at the ready 

kj x


----------



## naoise

Ruthie a big congratulations to you all what a great way for Boo to show his excitement 

LB I can't imagine how you are feeling it is such a long time to wait I would ring soon and find out what is going on.

Shelly I pm'd you I hope you got it.

Milktray all the best for panel I am sure you will be fine.

I have been reading back my last post and I have been a real moan so I will be more upbeat from now on I promise. 

I also wanted to wish everybody a Happy Valentines.

love k


----------



## askingangels

Congratulations Ruthie. Hope you are all celebrating tonight.     

We had SW visit on Monday and I have been left feeling really low. I was annoyed bcos I thought HS was starting. We were allocated a sw we hadnt met so Monday was just to meet really and we went over things we have already talked about.    . Why dont they let you continue with the person who you have originally seen.

Anyway sent medicals off so have to ring docs in 8 days to go in for them. Our HS officially starts on 28th Feb. Our SW doesnt like dogs and when I said I would introduce them on the next meet she said 'no its ok. You have to do a pet questionnaire'. What is in the questionnaire and shouldnt she meet our dog? We could say anything on a questionnaire. Can you ask to change SW or would it look bad on your file when going to panel.    .

I feel really deflated when I was looking forward to this part in a way   . Sorry to moan just needed to get that off my chest.

Love & Hugs

Sxx


----------



## shelly

Thanks for all ur replys.

We have decided to book a holiday and relax for a bit. I always said that this is the time to enjoy, b4 our lives change forever but now and again u forget this. So   and picked myself up again until the next time.  

I want to wish all the new mums & dads all the best with their little ones and for all of us who wait   so that our turn is soon.

Shelly


----------



## superal

Ruthie - Fantastic news, on valentines day as well, how lovely!1

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## Milktray

askingangels - we have a dog and thankfully our SW is a dog lover and so she is fine with her (she is a very excitable 11month old labrador!!).  

We did have to fill in a questionnaire about our dog and her behaviour and how we would recognise conflict etc etc.  Our SW had to do 2 assessments on the dog and so in order to do this she obviously needed to meet her!

I would find it very strange that your SW doesn't meet your dog - after all she has to ensure that your dog doesn't have any vicious tendencies or behavioural issues that could lead to harming any potential child placed with you!!

Also at the end of the day it is your home and your dog is part of your home so I do not see why you should have to lock your dog away every time she visits?  The only exception to this being if she has a genuine phobia.....

I would definitely speak to her about this....

Good luck

T x


----------



## Laine

Congrats! Ruthie and family xxx

Laine


----------



## maisiek

Hi guys hope everyone is well.

Milktray ..... just wanted to say good luck hun, I can understand why you think this part is really stressful: getting officially approved will be such a relief, like superal said I'm sure your SW wouldn't have gotten you this far if she didn't think you were going to be approved!!  I asked the SW when she visited our house recently if you only went to panel when they were happy about you and thought that you would be approved and she said definitely this was the case.  So good luck!! Let us know when you hear something. xx

Superal - thanks for your positive thoughts!!  PS your roses sound lovely!!

I haven't got much to say in the way of news, just wanted to say hi really.  Good luck with everyone xxxx


Love Maisie xx


----------



## Boggy

Hi folks

Just thought I'd give you a wee update on us.  We finished prep groups last week and had feedback forms to fill in as part of our assessment.  We posted them last Thursday to SW (5 miles away!) recorded delivery - my DH sends EVERYTHING recorded delivery!  Anyway we checked the recorded delivery system today and our paper work still hadn't arrived!  Over a week after we sent them!  

I phoned the office who confirmed they hadn't arrived, but said their recorded delivery mail was due to arrive.  5 mins later they phoned to say it had came on todays post!

I've been pacing the floor and checking the phone all week hoping to hear from SW to arrange our initial interview.  All my plans to return the forms ASAP so we looked keen went right out the window!

OK, rant over.  Lesson learned, next time hand deliver.

It's good to hear all everyone is getting on.  This is becoming my adoption lifeline.  Do you think SW would consider it to be part of my support network!  

Bx


----------



## saphy75

Hi B

Congrats on completing the prep groups. and YES the sw will consider FF part of you support network i know mine did   also i included my dogs as part of my support network   coz i can tell them everything and they don't judge me    but my sw had a great sense of humour  

pam xx


----------



## KarenM

Hi Everyone

Andrea - like you I am findignt his hard to manage with my studies.  I have bee fine until all the reading I have had to do for my dissertation.  Should all be over by September though!!

Ruthie  Congratulations   Like the way Boo showed you hoe happy he was!!  Enjoy the celebrations

Milktray - good luck for panel, as the others have said I am sure the SW would not have taken you this far if ther were doubts

Boggy - post huh, you get all the things you don't want i.e bills and the things you are waiting for seem an age to arrive.  Good luck for your nexgt steps

Shelly - enjoy your holiday

Asking ANgels - I am sure the pace will pick up soon and you will be full flow into your HS

KJ - know what you mean about valentines, we had our financial advisor round!!  Although got 2 CD's and some earrings from DH )

Hope everone else is doing ok.  Not much going on here, all full of cold again no sooner gone than it is back with a vengeance.  Have another job interview next week so hope I ge some joy soon

TTFN
Karen x


----------



## cindyp

Hiya, just to let you know we are all home     Will post more when I get a moment, DH is a bit tired and grumpy and glaring at me because he wants to go to bed and I think our new daughter is a bit tired too.

Will post again when I get the chance to catch up with everyone's news and tell you about our week of intros.

love to all
Cindy.

PS, forgot to say she is gourgeous


----------



## keemjay

hi cindy - glad to hear you are home safe and sound with your gorgeous little one  cant wait to hear all about your week

boggy - what a mare about your forms not arriving! btw i did mention that i had a website as part of my support network 

does anyone have a copy of 'A Childs Journey Through Placement' by Vera Fahlberg that they would be willing to lend? Its one that so far i havent been able to find at the libraray and it keeps cropping up as one we should read. obviously happy to pay postage 

we're still waiting to hear about the 2 girls..apparently their sw has profiles of a few adopters and is deciding who they think are the most suitable to give more information. its the first time we have experienced the feeling of being in 'competition' with others. guess we will get used to it!!

right off to work

love to all

kj x


----------



## superal

Hi Cindy - Great to read that you are all at home now and your little girl is gorgeous, as though she couldn't be any thing else!!

How is DS getting on with his baby sister, is he enjoying being a BIG brother?

Lets us know when you have a spare moment, how things are going.

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## saphy75

Hi Cindy i'm so pleased you are all home, i can't wait to read all about your little girl and how her big brother has taken to her  

pam xx


----------



## Mummyof2

Cindy - welcome home  

Boggy - I put this site down as part of my support network and my social worker thought it was a very good idea.


----------



## KarenM

Cindy

Welcome Home

Can't wait to read about your week.  Hope little one is settling in and Junior is getting used to being a big brother.

Enjoy!

Karen x


----------



## melaniejhodson

Cindy,

Welcome home and congratulations!

Hope all is going well - will be looking out to see how things go for you and your new extended family.

Enjoy


----------



## Milktray

Cindy - great news about your new arrival at home!!

Let us know how you are all getting on!

T x


----------



## naoise

Hi all

Keemjay fingers for you both hope you hear something soon about the girls all this waiting is awful isn' it.

Cindy welcome home to you all. 

Boggy I told our sw about this site and she thought it sounded brilliant, which of course it is. 

We had a fantastic weekend it was my Dad's 60th birthday and my sis and bil came over from London to surprise him it was great he hadn't got a clue, he couldn't stop hugging us and was in tears we got a limo to the restaurant and had a beautiful meal it was just perfect.

Just when I remember does anyone know what happens when you are means tested? I am giving up work for the foreseeable future and I am not sure do I give up work before I am means tested or do I wait and get my statutory adoption pay? I might ring and ask my sw this week and see if she knows anything about it although I don't think she will.

Hi to everybody hope you are all well

Love K


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies
Cindy, welcome back!  Can't wait to hear more when you get a moment.

Boggy, I'm mentioning the site as well, I think its great for support and really inspirational.

K, glad you had a good weekend and your Dad enjoyed his surprise.

Melanie & T, not lony until panel for you guys now, good luck though I'm sure you don't need it.

kj, hope you get more info soon, must be hard waiting and not knowing whether you will hear more.  I'm reading that book at the moment, its a book our SS recommended we bought and is like a text book.  Looking at it I think it may be something I pick up and look at certain points in the future so for me it was worth buying.

Well, we are waiting for this letter to arrive to confirm the telephone call that we have been accepted and will be starting home study.  We know who our SW is though haven't met her before.  Spent the weekend sorting out paperwork, shreading old bills etc and filing the ones I need to keep, must keep it more up together now.

K, I would of thought you'd be able to take your adoption leave and get the money and then leave work as you would with mat pay, you just have to give them written notice of leaving x number of weeks before you would be due to return I think.

Hello to everyone else, hope all is well.
Love
OT x


----------



## Boggy

Hi folks

Thanks for your advice regarding putting FF down as part of my support network.  I'll do it - and I'll put the dog on it too (dougie the doggy!)!  I met my husband on the internet - which will hopefully help me convince SW that the net is a good thing!   

Congrats to cindyP, looking forward to reading about your week!  

Bx


----------



## sanita

Just a quickie as I'm doing dinner.

Naoise, Statutory adoption pay is included when you are means tested.  After beginning of April Statutory adoption pay goes from the current 26 weeks to 39 weeks (about £108 per week).  If the fact that you are receiving statutory adoption pay means your income is too high to receive an adoption allowance then you can reapply to be means tested once the statutory adoption pay stops being paid to you.  Hope that helps and that I have interpreted it right.

Sanita


----------



## casey

Hi everyone 
I haven't posted for a couple of weeks as things were just plodding along - but we have now finished our prep group and have 1 or 2 more visits to complete homestudy and waiting for refs, dh has had his medical and i have mine tomorrow so all of a sudden things seem to have happened very quickly. 

Our s/w said she has been looking at profiles of children already as she doesn't think we will have a problem being approved ( fingers XXX touch wood black cat ). Then she said she thought of a little boy and his little sis who would be perfect for us BUT there is a lot of sibling contact - and i don't think we could do it esp with our own dd who has medical needs. So she then said well you may have to wait a bit longer than you think - This is going to be hard isn't it ? your head saying no when your heart wants to shout out Yes !! Oh well one step at a time  

Old Timer - hope your home studt starts soon - i sort of enjoyed ours and it does get you thinking and evaluating your life

Cindy - welcome home ! enjoy !!!

keemjay - hope you get some good news soon.  

Misty - hope you had a good holiday 

hi to everyone else - love caseyxx


----------



## TraceyH

Cindy - Glad to hear that you are all home - I bet you couldn't wait to get back to your own bed. Can't wait for an update.

Best wishes to everyone else.

We had our first official review today and it went really well.  Unfortunately, DH was unable to attend so my sister came along for moral support and to make the tea and coffee.  Our little chap was getting very tired as the meeting was at 11.30 am and he normally goes down for a nap then, but today he was having none of it.  I put him down as usual and he didn't settle at all, little monkey, so ended up bringing him down and suffice to say he has not had a nap at all today. So having bragged about how we have his afternoon nap and bedtime off to a tee it just didn't happen.  Hopefully he will sleep all night although he is teething at the moment.  It seems like he has been with us a lot longer than 3 weeks but we are all much more relaxed. 

Tracey x


----------



## LB

great to see you all home safe and sound Cindy -hope you all had a good nights sleep

best wishes
LB
X


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

hi ladies

sorry not posted for a bit

i am going to sort out the chat nights for us however pls note if you ever want to talk as a one off let me know and im more then happy to come mod/support

we have done the first 2 days of prep and its been an eye opener however in a good way- have meet some lovely people from apdotive parents, adoptees and also some birth parents. second/last part of prep this thur and fri.

Cindy- fabs news your home and now a family of 4

Tracy- so glad your review went well

Andrea- i loved your comment the other day about "how many people can say they have been approved to be parents" its helping me greatly at the mo

hi to everyone else- i know i have missed lots of peoples news- im sorry

hugs

Mez
xxxx


----------



## LB

Mez

pleased you are enjoying the course hun - another big step closer to your family

hope the next two sessions go well

LB
X


----------



## KarenM

Mez

Glad you are enjoying the course, it is certainly an eye opener but gives a good grounding for the reality of parenting an adoptove child.  Enjoy the rest of the course.

Monthly chat nights are a great idea - just depends on what night and how far into my dissertation I am at the time will depend on if I can join in.  Really enjoyed talking to everyone the other night

Karen x


----------



## cindyp

Apologies for any typos, I'm posting one handed as Cuddles is asleep on my lap 

Well as you can probably guess the intros went well.  The holiday cottage was a bit of a disappointment as it turned out to be just a rather boring house on an estate five minutes drive from the sea    DS found it a bit of a shock just having TV with 4 channels so it was a good thing my parents came with us.

We arrived on the Sunday with the planning meeting on the Monday afternoon.  Didn't pay much attention to the meeting as I couldn't wait to meet our new baby which we did after the meeting.  She was just as gourgeous as her photos and so alert.  The foster carers were really nice and obviously doted on her.  She'd been placed with them at birth so it was a very difficult thing for them to give her up although they agreed it was the best thing for her.  Lee and I celebrated by going out for a really nice meal whilst Mum and Dad babysat Junior.  I knew I would be too tired on my birthday to do it as the intros really started.

On the Tuesday we got to spend 4 hours with her and talk her out for a walk in her pram.  Felt a bit foolish in front of the foster carers as we suddenly forgot how the pram worked    Unfortunately it started raining so we had to come back early.  We went back at teatime and I got to open my birthday presents which included lots of things for the baby which I had requested.

Wednesday we got to introduce her new big brother to her and exchanged presents between the two of them which we had bought.  He wasn't sure what to make of it all and decided to ignore her most of the time.  We took them both to a soft play area where she fell asleep in my arms for the first time which was a wonderful feeling.

Thursday they brought her to the holiday home and we had her until early evening so we went to a nearby beach.  Mum and Dad were really pleased to meet her but unfortunately Mum had been feeling poorly all week with sciatica and we all decided it was best if they went home early so they didn't get to spend as much time with her as they would have liked.

We had the review meeting on the Friday morning at the foster carers house, everyone agreed it had gone really well and the placement was set for Saturday.  What had surprised us was that it was decided that we should have her overnight at the holiday home before the placement started.  We had very little with us and had to be loaned a cot.  She was a bit grumpy during the day but fortunately she slept all night, only waking a couple of times for her dummy.

We travelled home on Saturday and she was as good as gold, only crying once for her food.  

It's been a little bit harder since we got back.  Junior has been naturally jealous (I think he thought she was just a holiday thing  ) and has displayed some attention seeking behaviour, nothing too bad just small niggly things.  Unfortunately Cuddles has decided she doesn't want to sleep in her cot and will only sleep if one of us is cuddling her.  I tried getting her to settle again last night by rubbing her tummy but she was having none of it.  At 5am I gave up and she ended up in bed with us again.  I can see that I may have my work cut out with some sleep training.  That apart she is a really easy baby, laid back, sociable, pretty and alert.  We feel incredibly lucky.  Our SW saw her for the first time yesterday as, although she attended the planning meeting she had come by train and had to catch the train back before we met Cuddles.  Our SW thinks it really is a great match and is really pleased with how things have gone.  We have another visit on Thursday by Cuddles SW.

Friends have been up this week for the Annual Ashbourne Shrovetide event so I sent DH out to wet the baby's head which he did most thoroughly.  I got to show the baby off before they got started which was nice.  Really looking forward to the rest of the family coming to meet her and it's at times like this that I regret having moved away from them.  That said if I hadn't had moved I probably wouldn't have ended up with my two lovely children.

Feeling really happy now that our family is complete and hope that everyone else soon gets to share in the joy.

love
Cindy


----------



## Milktray

Cindy - that was such a lovely post to read, it really warmed my heart!

It's reading posts like this that really bring home the reality that it can and does happen and that your dreams do come true!

Enjoy every minute of your wonderful new family - which of course I am sure that you will!

T x


----------



## melaniejhodson

Hi Cindy

Thanks for sharing your wonderful journey with us - it was lovely to read. The fun starts now, enjoy every precious moment.  Am delighted for you and your family.

Love Melanie.


----------



## keemjay

lovely to hear how your week went cindy, so inspirational. cuddles sounds adorable  sounds like she is living up to her name, hope you manage some sleep soon 

kj x


----------



## casey

Cindy - your post was lovely, and it is wonderful to hear about cuddles, she sounds fabulous   

Mez - glad you are enjoying your prep course 

Well after feeling so positive, my medical has brought me down to earth with a bang   Can I ask if anybody has had depression in the past and how this affected their assessment ? Did you tell s/w before or after medical / If anyone could PM me and give some advice, I'd be be very grateful   

thanks caseyxxx


----------



## melaniejhodson

Casey

Have pm'd you.

LOL

Melanie


----------



## magenta

Cindy - you have made me cry with happiness.  Sending you every best wish as you settle into life as a family of four.

Casey - I had depression but it was something i had to declare on my initial form (we had quite an indepth form where yu declared previous illness etc).  So it was always there - sw knew from the start.  I needed help to deal with my infertility and other health issues.  I turned it around and told them how much it meant i could understand the 'warning signs' for me and how I could relate to a child with MH issues/the need to talk to someone outside of family about big things.  Please PM me if you want to know any more.  

I would guess many of us have needed help with depression  as it affects around 1 in 6 people and dealing with infertility/reduced fertility/fertility issues is hard on most people.  i don't think you will find that your sw will 'fail' you - s/he will just ask the right kinds of questions to ensure that it is all explored and s/he is happy with everything.

I had an extra session to look into some issues but it only held us back a week.

magenta x


----------



## Ange K

Cindy

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I've been looking forward to hearing how it all went! Cuddles sounds gorgeous!

Ange x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

hi ladies

Cindy- fab story- so glad your now a family of 4!

Casey- this is something im intrested in knowing as we have just changed GP's and not meet her yet so she does us and i have suffered on and off over the yrs with depression- have our medicals booked for next week- would be intrested to know what feedback you get?hugs

well back on last 2 days of prep tomorrow and fri! got our medical forms today so have booked them- have to say our LA are really on the ball!

for the monthly chats i was thinking maybe the 1st tue or weds of each month? 

hi to everyone else

hugs

Mez
xxx


----------



## magenta

MJ - First Wednesday of the month would be great for me.  it means that DH is out (he trains or coaches on wednesdays) and I don't need to feel guilty about sitting in the study all evening.

however, tuesdays will be fine too (if slightly more guilt ridden).

magenta x


----------



## melaniejhodson

Boggy

I've forgot to post earlier that I have also mentioned to my sw about this wonderful site and have requested it be used as part of my support network.  She thought it was a great idea. 

Love to everyone

Melanie


----------



## naoise

Just poppin on quickly housework calling  

Cindy how you describe meeting your daughter was wonderful it just so meant to be. I wish you all the very best and get good nights of sleep.

Mez good to hear you are enjoying your course.

Any of those nights would suit me for chatting.

No news here as usual but not really expecting anything until after 6th of March when the girls sw team sort themselves out.

Love K


----------



## casey

Thank you to everyone who replied to my post. i rang the s/w and asked her to arrange a visit without dh and dd there so we can discuss the depression. I am not sure what she will say, it was some time ago, but it was not IF related and wasn't a minor episode - She's coming to see me on Fri morn so I will let you know how i get on. just hope i won't have let dh and dd down   

caseyxx


----------



## Old Timer

Cindy
What a lovely story, so pleased all has gone well and you are now a family of 4.  
Rushing back out the door so will catch up later.
Love
OT x


----------



## KarenM

Cindy - what a lovely post, glad to hear Cuddles is back with you.  Junior's behaviour is inevitable but hope he gets to love his littlwe sister as much as you do.

Casey - good luck for your SW visit.

Hi to everyone else, not much going on here as we have all had this horrible virus that is doing the rounds.

Karen x


----------



## saphy75

Cindy it was soooo nice to read about your intro's sounds like they went really well  

pam xx


----------



## LB

Hi ladies

Cindy - great that you are all home, thanks for sharing your intros with us it warms the heart.   - hope you have had some rest now.


Casey - good luck with your visit from SW on Friday - I am not sure but i would think that support from your Doctor on this would go a long way. Can't see a problem if you feel ok now, as you say it was some time ago and you have obviously overcome it.  I think the SW's will have seen and dealt with folks issues many times and therefore will be understanding. i will be thinking of you on Friday 

hi to everyone on this rainy morning! (well it is here)

LB
X


----------



## jilldill

Hi Cindy,
How lovely to hear your intro story what a sweetheart you have have a wonderful time love JD x


----------



## Mum to a gorgeous cherub

Hi,

Just wanted to say congratulations to Cindy and family. Wonderfull news, you sound so happy.

Big Hello to everyone else. My head is still in the clouds, not long to go till we meet our cherub....

xxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Cindy - thanks for the lovely update.  Sounds like all is going wonderfully.


----------



## maisiek

Hi guys,

We had our second sw visit last night to hand in form part 1B, she seemed ok about some of the gaps re old addresses so that was a relief ..... I had been worrying quite a bit about it.  Also filled in details for them to do police CRB check and medicals.  So it won't be long before we have to go for medical.  

Am starting our prep group next fri - so only a week to wait!  Feeling excited about it.  Also worried re medical.  God I am such a worrier!!!  


Cindy .... just wanted to say your message was lovely, cuddles sounds adorable.  It's so nice to hear of a positive outcome.  good luck with the rest of it all (ie the next 18 + years!!!)


Hope everyone else is ok.

Love maisie xx


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

Cindy - lovely to hear your update, Cuddles sounnds adorable  

Casey - Hope everything goes well for you on Friday  

No news from me...

Laine


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Guys,

Well I am back on line at last, yipeeeeeeeeeeeeee . 3 weeks since we moved and a lot of cross  phone calls to BT but 2 weeks late my broad band is finally working. 

Cindy, I Know we have chatted on the phone and I have heard all about cuddles, even heard her cooing down the phone , but it is so nice to read you loving happy post on here. I am sure junior will settle into life as big brother soon. Cant wait to see you and have a big cuddle myself.

Not much news from our end. pooh bear is still as cute as ever and has taken to his big boys bed in our new house really well, it is a fire engine and he loves it. We love having a bit more room, and until number 2 comes along pooh bear has the spare bedroom as a play room which is just fab.

Prep group is now only about 6 or 7 weeks away, yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Went for a visit with FM today which is always nice. She has a baby girl in 4 months old and pooh bear kept kissing her on the head, also nearly drop the odd car on her as well, eek.

Will try and catch up with the news from the past few weeks.

TTFN

PBMxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx cyber babe once more.


----------



## casey

Just read thru all the messages of support to give me some help for when s/w comes - in half an hour   couldn't sleep last night. It so hard all this isn't it . your body and hormones are scrutinised in IF tx and your mind and soul are examined in adoption. I'll let you know how it goes 
thanks again
caseuxx


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Casey,

Hope you meeting is going well hun.xx

PBMxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Maisie - good luck for your prep course.  I think everyone worries about their medical - I know I certainly did    Glad that the sw didn't mind the gaps in addresses.

PBM - congratulations on being back on line    That little girl sounds adorable.

Laine - .... and the wait goes on eh    same here.

Casey - hope all went well.  I can remember tossing and turning before meeting my sw.  I was especially nervous about the one to one interview but all turned out just fine and I am sure it will be fine for you as well.  It is just fear of the unknown and adoption is such a big step and not one we all thought we would ever have to take.  

Hi to everyone else.  You are all a great bunch.


----------



## alex28

casey - hope today went well.

Cindy - great story - glad things are fine  with the new arrival.

hope everyone else is doing fine.

had quite an emotional day on weds as met with my sw to tell her about hubby and me parting company - she was really shocked etc and is going to speak to him next week etc buts as he's moved out etc i know its the right thing.  I just need to give myself some time and then hopefully will meet some nice young man with lots of good swimmers!!!!!  

have a nice weekend everyone. xxx


----------



## superal

Hi Alex  sending you a hug (((()))), you have been through so much just lately and I'm sure meeting your SW must have been emotional.  I hope that one day your dreams do come true and you do meet some one who deserves you.

Love
Andrea
xx

PS Sorry that so many of you are still waiting, I hope the phone rings soon for you all.


----------



## casey

Hi ladies 
well i met the s/w and explained everything and it wasn't easy esp as jenniefer said you donn't ever think you will be in this position. Anyway she said she thinks i have moved on and showed i can recognise and deal with stress and depression , and I know I have ! but she is going to speak to her manager and explain things just to be sure - I feel much better esp as s/w said in her view she will be saying that we should go to panel and recommends approval - so
i guess i just have to wait till i see her again next week to be absolutley sure 

Alex - really feel for you right now with everything you are going thru- i hope that this ending is the beginning of better times for you  

Maisie - good luck for your prep course and medical 

hi to everyone else and thanks again - and yes this site is defo part of my support network    
caseyxx 
caseyxx


----------



## melaniejhodson

Alex -

Sending you    Something positive will come out of this for you I'm sure.

Casey -  

Glad you feel better about things after your chat with sw.  I'll keep my  but I'm sure you won't need it.  

hi to everyone
Melanie


----------



## TraceyH

Cindy - Cuddles sounds adorable.  We had a few sleep problems in our first week where our little one was waking up in the early hours and at 5am he would not settle at all.  We ended up taking him downstairs so at least we could get some sleep on the sofa, but in the end we resorted to controlled crying which worked a treat.  He is older than cuddles but it did work and now he points to his cot when he has had his milk, bless him.  We are going through teething at the moment so he is a bit out of sorts.

Alex - Thinking of you.  I hope you meet your knight in shining armour.

Casey - I am sure things will be fine.  It all sounds positive.

Best wishes to everyone else.

Tracey x


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies
Loads to catch up on, have been out most nights this week and working late so not had time to read all the posts, will try to over the weekend.

Casey, good to hear your meeting went well, am sure things will be fine.

Alex, so sorry you are facing this and hope in the not too distant future you meet someone else.  I always jokingly said I'd get them to have a sperm test before I made a commitment 2nd time round!

We are meeting with our SW on the 6th March, haven't met her before but she sounds nice on the phone.

Love
OT x


----------



## everhopeful

Hi to everyone

I;m sorry I've had no chance to catch up on everyone's news, so no personal mentions tonight.

Just wanted to update on my situation. Our world has been shook by the news that birth family have moved close by.
I've never felt so not in control, and vunerable.

We're hoping it's pure coincidence, and they don't know where we live. Having said that, I wish they'd crawl back under whichever stone they came from! 
Our main panic is that we had a face to face meeting with birth parents. And so although they're not likely to recognise dd, we haven't changed all that much, so they are likely to know us.
We've been shopping tonight and I was very aware of constantly people watching, up and down every aisle! It's very un-nerving.

Anyway, will try and get some sleep tonight!

Bye for now
Ever


----------



## sanita

Hello everyone

Ever - I'm sorry to hear of all the worry this is causing you.  Does your SW have any words of wisdom for helping you cope with this?

OT - Good luck for your meeting with your SW on the 6th.

Tracey - Hope the teething is not too painful for little one...... and you.

Casey - Phew, that must be a weight off your mind.  So pleased your SW was positive.

Alex - I wish you all the best for the future.  Make your dreams come true.

JenniferF and Laine - Big hugs to you and all us others waiting.  It is so hard some days isn't it.

PBM - Nice to have you back.

MaisieK - Good luck with prep next week and your medical.  I worried myself through every step of this and I'm still worrying so you're not on your own there.

KarenM - Hope you are all feeling better.  If you have the same virus that I recently had it took 12 days to clear.

Cindy - Congratulations.  I loved reading your late night post.  I hope you are all settling down together.

We have finally got a date to meet with a sibling pairs childrens SW and family finder.  It's not until the end of March, but bearing in mind we have been trying to set this up since the start of the New Year it's still a result.  It will be the first time that we will have had a visit from a childs SW so I apologise in advance for all the fuss, stress and carry on I will be making on here as the date approaches.

Have a nice weekend everyone.

Sanita


----------



## morgana

Hi all

Our big news is our matching panel went really well and we were finally, formally APPROVED!!!!!!!! for Smiler and Dancer
The panel had so many positive things to say to us and said that this was one of the best matchings they had made for quite a while and that we were obviously perfect for each other. I got really emotional when we were being given our feedback and my eyes filled up ...which then started one of the panel members off crying....whoops!!!!

We also had the opportunity to go to a review meeting and meet the foster mother (that's a whole story in it's self). We have finalised our intro plan and have now thrown ourselves into a flurry of activity to get all the things we need ready.

Unfortunately it looks as though we are going to have an "interesting" time with the FM as she gives off an attitude of being very controlling and very sadly seems desperate to get the girls moved on as she (in her own words) is too old to be caring for 2 children especially a 3 year old. 

It seems she has not been managing very well and her behaviour management of the girls is at best describable as "shocking". She informed us in her own unique way at the meeting that she likes things done "her way" and we will just have to fit round her when we do the intros. She attempted to block several of our suggestions for the intros and stated that apart from the first 2 days, when she has graciously allowed us access to her home, she wants us to take the girls "out from under her feet" for the rest of the time.

I could see the SW looking between themselves on several occasions and I get the feeling that she will not be fostering for much longer. Anyway to cut a long story short it would seem that she basically can't be bothered with smiler, has not implemented any of the strategies that were suggested to improve her development or behaviour and she did not have a positive word to say about either girl. She gets on marginally better with Dancer but I have a sneaking suspicion that Dancer being at school all day has got something to do with that. We were supposed to be speaking with the FM separately after the meeting but by then I could barely look at her. 

As far as I am concerned we had heard enough to know that those girls are not getting the care that they need and the sooner we get them home with us the better. I spent most of the night after the meeting in tears thinking of what their environment is like with the FM

I think I am going to have to stitch my lips together when we start the intros or I am going to say something very rude. I just keep saying to myself...it's only a few more weeks till we get them home with us then hopefully we can start to repair some of the damage.

Glad to hear everyone's news

Cindy and Magenta.....thanks for the pm's, Cindy so glad all is going well with cuddles

Sanita......glad things are moving at last

Casey.....will keep my fingers crossed that all goes well for you

Alex.......so sorry to hear about your news.I think you are being really brave and I am sending you positive vibes, hope life is on the up from now on

Ever.....what a nightmare situation for you. If it makes you feel any better a friend of mine saw the birth parents of her child walk within a few feet of her and not give them a second glance. Her SW said it was because they were in a place where the BP's would not expect them to be so they would not consciously be looking for them. Also if you only met them once then they probably don't remember exactly what you look like. Still I know how upsetting this must be for you. i guess it is every adoptive parents worse nightmare.

Take care all

Morgana

p.s. there is steam coming off my fingers now....I think I got a bit carried away on this post


----------



## melaniejhodson

Morgana,

Congratulations,   


That is such fantastic news.  Wishing you all a wonderful future together.

LOL 
Melanie


----------



## alex28

ever - so sorry u r having a stressful time of it all at the moment.

Morgana - thats fab news about the approval .  Re the FC you must find incredibly hard to tolerate but like you say bit your lip cos u know they will be coming home with you.  Its very sad as the FC is a very important part of the childs life after leaving BP's and to know they cant be bothered is heart breaking.  

just about to sit and watch england beat the irish in rugby.........


----------



## keemjay

great news about the match being formal morgana   not so great about the FM, eeek what a witch. i guess it prob works in your favour that you only have 2 days of intros where you'll be with her cos after that you're gonna be more in control. it sounds like you'll have your work cut out but you'll just have keep focussing on the end goal. i hope they havent been living with this woman too long, such a shame...i wonder how many other unsuitable foster carers are out there 

sanita..great news about meeting the sw of the sibling pair 

ever..i'm sorry to hear about the stress your going through. i can only imagine how unsettling it must feel. i tend to agree with morgana tho..you may know exactly what they look like as you poss have a photo which you've looked at repeatedly, but if they only met you the once they prob wouldnt clock you. hugs to you 

casey, glad your meeting went well, you must feel very relieved. sw's admire openess and honesty so you've absolutely done the right thing 

no news this end 

love to all

kj x


----------



## KarenM

Casey - glad the visit went well.  I am sure panle will be fine with things too

Morgana - glad you have your approval.  I can understand your frustrations about the FM but you need to keep those lips tightly sealed as it will only have an adverse effect on the children and like you say the sooner you get them with you the better.  Hope all goes well and not long to wait now

Sanita - glad you have a meeting arranged, hope you get the match.  Thanks for the news about the virus.  We are all still bunged up, we only got rid of it a couple of weeks back but it has comeback alot ore severe.

Ever - must be a real worry for you.  Hope your SW has some advice that will help.

Hi to everyone else.  Not much going on here.  Had another job interview yesterday and will find out on Tuesday if I have got tothe final stage of the process.  

Bye for now
Karen x
Alex - big hugs to you.  it must have been a hard meeting for you, but well done on getting through it


----------



## jilldill

Hi Everyone,

Morgana, I am so delighted for you what a wonderful life your girls will have with you now!!!

Sanita, good luck I will be thinking of you

Ever, I hope your ok this must be a real worry for you, I would speak to your SW and air your concerns

Cindy hope everything is still going well and your not getting too tired!!!

Hi to everyone else, things are great with us, Sunshine is just wonderful she is doing so well. Our official papers are in and the initial hearing is next week. 

Love to all at whatever stage you are at JD x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hey ladies

Morgana- so fab that its now official- sending you big hugs- it amazes me how some people become Foster careers when they have this attitude- we meet a lovely FM/FC and she was amazing- both her daughters and sister are FC too and she is fantastic- for intros she gives up her "life" for the time to give you as much support as you need.

Sanita- have everything crossed this is the right and perfect match for you

hi to everyone else- I'm gonna get the chat nights sorted out this week and will post to let you all know

well our prep course is done- any one who is worried about theres then don't- if it is as good as ours you will feel so content and relaxed- our Sw's were fab on the course- our next step is a review/feedback session which should be in next 2-3 weeks then home study starts straight away as they have enough SW slots to start us all now! our medicals are booked for this Thurs and our references are in the process of completing them ! i can not praise our LA any more then i am now. 

hugs

Mez
xxxx


----------



## TraceyH

Morgana - Congratulations.  Smiler and Dancer will have a lovely life with yourselves.

Sanita - I really hope this is the right match for you.

Tracey x


----------



## jan welshy

Congratulations Morgana. 

We have our first home study visit next Saturday. We have a male SW (hope I take to him, got a strange feeling over the phone).

DH has a job interview tomorrow whoch could mean having to be assessed out of county as if he gets it (and we hope he does) he would be working for our own authourity (but not for a while). So I am thinking we could continue status quo until he actually transfers ALL BEING WELL.

Hope you are all well.
Love
WelshyXXXXXXXXX


----------



## melaniejhodson

Good luck Welshy for your first home study visit.

Love
Melanie


----------



## Ange K

Hi Welshy!!!

Good luck for next Saturday and good luck for your DH's job!!

Ange xx


----------



## Boggy

Hi folks

Well, what a day I have had!  

You may remember that my post-prep group paperwork took ages to reach our LA.  Well by this afternoon I'd plucked up the courage to phone and ask when we'd hear from them.  I was told that we had been allocated a SW who would be in touch on Wednesday!  

This was such a relief, i could get through a day without willing the phone to ring.  

Anyway, there I was sitting in my house this evening quite happily knowing that we hadn't been forgotten when the phone rang.  It was our social worker apologising that she was running late and would be with us in 30 mins, and had we received her letter??!!!    

You can imagine the panic!  

Fortunately the house was clean, and almost tidy.  I have certainly never tidied so fast - so glad she didn't need to look round!  She just had to take us as she found us - which was probably a good thing! 

I couldn't even offer her a biscuit - only a slice of homemade bread my DH had just taken out the oven - at least it made the house smell good.  Even the dog was on his best behaviour!

So we had our initial interview - lots of questions to assess what we would offer a child.  Her recommendation is that we can provide a good resource and can now formally apply!

I am so relieved - any more notice than 30mins and I think i'd have worried myself sick and now we can move onto the next stage!  

Nearly there......application and homestudy here we come.    

Bx


----------



## maisiek

Hi guys,

hope everyone is keeping sane!!

Morgana ....... good luck with your intros, your match sounds brilliant, bet you can't wait to start ... can't believe attitude of fm!!!  Hope she won't be fostering others!!!  What a nightmare!

Sanita .... glad i'm not the only worrier!

Jen ...... thanks, guess I will relax a bit more when medicals and references are done & hopefully ok!!

Casey ... glad your visit with SW went well and that she was understanding re the depression.  That must have been a relief!

Everything going ok here, am starting prep course on Friday so am looking forward to that ... will be nervous though!  The SW is going to be writing for our references, so hoping they will go ok, although I have asked them to hold fire on my employers ref as my contract is up for renewal soon and I don't want to jepardise things.  Also dh has to speak to his ex and his teenage daughter to tell them that we are applying for adoption - so her school reference is also on hold until then.  We are both quite concerned how ex and daughter will take it, I can imagine it will be a real shock.  Dh has excellent relationship with both, but he is worried that ex will not like it & could cause trouble... also worried how his daughter will take it!!  It will be quite difficult!  Will keep you guys posted.

love maisie x


----------



## melaniejhodson

Well done Boggy.  

It's such a relief to get the first sw visit over.  Hope you don't have to wait too long for homestudy.

Take care
Melanie


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

hi ladies

how you all doing

boggy- welldone on the visit!- as least she rang and didn't just turn up

Maisiek- good luck for your prep course- we have just done ours in the past few weeks and have to say it was fab- opened our eyes up but also made us realise no matter how hard it gets we can do this

hi to everyone else

i have been thinking about making 1 thread which is a easy to read guide of info as over the past few months we have had so great info put on here , the info i will include are -books to read, things to buy for placement, what to ask child's SW, and any FAQ's including things like dual citizenship. it will be made a "sticky" topic so will be easy to find , it will be locked however should you have info you feel that could be of use pls let one of the adoption/fosting mods know

hugs

Mez
xxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Mez - thanks for doing that for everyone.  Will be a big help I am sure.

Boggy - thank goodness the sw rang first  

Maisie - good luck for prep course on Friday.  No need to be nervous as everyone there will be in the same boat as you.  Just bear in mind that you are assessed by sw on it so join in etc.

We have been told by our family finder section that they need to send our details out to the consortium to try and find a child for us as all the children coming in are to be placed outside our area.  I thought that had been done months ago .....  

Like the idea of our star signs being included in our posts    Proud, generous etc etc .......hmmmm, not sure about the overbearing though!


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone.

Sanita - good luck, hope everything goes your way  

Ever - sorry to hear about the stress you are under at the moment.

Alex - ((((((hugs)))))

Morgana - congrats on the match!

Jennifer - hope you hear some news soon, know how you feel with the waiting.  

Hi to everyone else.

Laine x


----------



## jan welshy

Thanks for your wishes girls.

Laine, DH got the job, will be soooooooooooooo much happier at the new place, might be a prob for them assessing us though (same county etc). Oh well, we already know we don't make becoming parents easy for ourselves anyway.

Hope you are all well.
Love
WelshyXXXXXXXXXXX


----------



## fiona1

Hi,

Internet down again, so a real quickie, Panel been put back till July, but we will still be considered for all babies from now on.

Will catch up when i have finished fighting with Orange and have my Broadband back.

Fiona


----------



## superal

Hi everyone

Well my first assignment went into be marked today and I will find out the result in 2 weeks time so at the moment I feel as though a big weight has been lifted of my shoulders and I can get on with my life a bit............that means catching up on some news on here.


Fiona - sorry panel date has been put back.

Lanie, Jennifer, LB & Ange.............sorry you are still waiting, I hope something positive comes your way soon.

Jan - excellent news that DH got the job!

Sanita - hope this is a positive thing for you and your DH and wish you every success. How exciting!

Ever - I can only sympathise with the situation you find yourself in regarding BPS.  When we adopted our DS we were told that there was an uncle who lived on the same estate as us BUT seeing as the BM had no contact with him, the uncle, and she did not know where DS was being placed they said it won't be a problem.  I don't think the uncle even knew about him,sad in a way but a blessing also!

How is every one else?

Will try to catch up soon with everyone else.

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## cindyp

Woohoo, two children currently asleep (although I know one will definitely be waking up later for her milk  ) so I've got a moment to myself to try and catch up.

Ever, how horrible for you, have you spoken to the SWs, what do they suggest?

Jan, congrats on DH's new job, I'm sure it won't be a major problem with the assessment.  You still have to carry on with your lives even if you are trying to get approved, they can't expect you to put everything on hold especially when it's a change for the better.  Hope you get on OK with your SW.

Fiona, sorry to hear about the setback with the panel date although it is good that they will still continue to consider you.

Morgana, great news on the match, as Karen says your dealings with the FM will just be for such a short period of your life and then you can take your girls home.  Bite your lip and hang in there.

Jen, how annoying that they are only just sending out your details to the consortium.  Like you said I thought they would have done that much earlier.  I'd be surprised if you have any teeth left you've had to grit them so much.

Casey, glad the meeting went well with the SW.

Mel/Maisie must be good to get the prep course completed and know that you have really started the process.

Andrea, homework?  I admire your fortitude.  Unlike you and Karen I'm far too lazy to take on studying as well as two kids.

Boggy, congrats on completing your first HS meet.  LOL at the homemade bread, it's a bit more than our SW got as I could never remember to get biscuits in.

Laine/Ange/LB hope you get some news soon.

Tracey, right with you on the teething front.  Cuddles also has a cough at the moment which doesn't help.  We will be all geared up for the controlled crying but want Junior to be a bit more settled first before we start ruining his nights.

OT, good luck for the 6th.

Alex, hope you're managing to hang in there.  Nice to see your posts considering what a rough time you've been having.  I'm sure the England game didn't help cheer you up.

Hello to everyone else on here, hope everything is going well for you.

We had our first review meet and the SWs were really pleased with how well Cuddles has settled in.  She is such a great baby we feel really lucky.  As soon as we can get her to sleep through the night in her cot she can be designated as a perfect baby, but for the time being she is just great   

Haven't quite got our routines sorted out yet, I think we need to learn to all get dressed before mid morning if we are planning to go back to work   

love to all
Cindy


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Cindy,

Love reading you messages? Made me smile about the getting dressd part. I do wonder how I will manage that when the time comes as it is a struggle with just pooh bear at the moment?

have fun, hope cuddles gets the hang of sleeping in her cot soon.

Chat soon.

PBMxxxx


----------



## wynnster

Hi Everyone,

As usual been reading everyones posts but neve have anything exciting to post so don't bother  

Cindy - Been great reading your inspirational posts, sounds like fun in your house  

Welshy - Well done to DH for getting the job and best of luck for your SW vist - Whole new life for you coming up!

Far far far too many people to do personals but hoping you're all keeping well.

We've had 3 days of our prep course so far and looking forward to the 4th and final one, we've learnt so much in those 3 days.  The only bad thing is that we have a 'johnny know all' in our group that seems determined to get up everyones nose! Everytime he makes a comment you can see the SW's looking at each other and scribbling notes - Feel for his wife though.

Take Care all 

Kim xxx


----------



## fiona1

Hi,

still no Broadband so back down the gym to use their computer!!!

Elliot broke his arm on Monday, he had an op to have it straightened and is in plaster up to his shoulder for 6 weeks, horrid experiance holding him while he went off to sleep in the op room.

Home study finished, SW just needs to write it up and fill in any gaps.

Will catch up more when i am back online.

take care

Fiona


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi 

Small up date here, SW phoned last night to say that they maybe running some second time adopters training which if it comes off we could go on instead of the prepgroup. This would be great if it happens, fingers crossed.

Can't quite believe we are back on the roller coaster again, excited but also anxious as every thing went soooooooo well and quickly last time that I am expecting to be in for a harder journey this time round. 

PBMxx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

hey ladies

PBM- fab news that you may be able to skip the prep course! 

Fiona- hope your DS feels better soon- hope your broad band is back up soon!

hi to everyone else!

we have had out medicals today, all went well, apart from being over weight(as if i didnt know that) she see's no prob! so we have now done prep and medicals, reference are out and being done, home study should start next month!!!!!

hugs

Mez
xxxx


----------



## KarenM

Fiona - hope Elliott feels better soon.  Hugs to you

MJ - great news on your progress.  Tell me about the weight thing!! I lost 2.5 stone before panel and have put it all back on!

Kimmy - glad you are enjoying your course.  We had a very vocal individual on our course, he caused some controversy about diversity issues and from what I understand they never went on to adopt as they did not want to accept them onto the next stage.

Hi to everyone else.  Not much going on here as really busy with work.

Karen x


----------



## cindyp

Fiona, sorry to hear Elliot's been in the wars.  Hope he makes a speedy recovery.

PBM, that's good news about the training, fingers crossed they get you on the course.

Karen, how's the job search going?

Kimmy, glad you're enjoying the prep course, they are quite enlightening.

MJ, with you there on the medicals.  It came up on our first adoption approval, the thin doctor asked about my BMI.  I told him the truth, I know all the rules, just don't like playing the game   

We had another review today, our SW came to do it.  She continues to be pleased with how well Cuddles has settled in.  We've got her to sleep through the night, in our bed     Will catch up on some sleep before we tackle the controlled crying sleep training technique.

love to everyone
Cindy


----------



## superal

Just sending Fiona a quick hug (((()))) - it's not nice when are children are hurt and I know exactly how you felt about your DS going under anaesthetic.  Our son was just 4 when he needed to have grommets done and I was so upset that I was told to wait outside and then let my DJH take him in, I just peered through the window - awful! 

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## askingangels

Hello

Just thought Id pop on quickly and update on our progress. We had our medicals on Wednesday and I can totally sympathise with the weight thing. We are both trying to loose weight and I have joined WW. Doc said he was happy we are both fit and well and can see no probs so   .

We had our first home study on Wednesday as well. Went ok. Better than expected. We had to talk about our tx and feelings around dhs infertility. Was a little tough but we were expecting it. We have to do our support network as homework. Of course everyone on here and ff is being mentioned. Our SW is growing on us so hopefully 1st impressions were wrong. My DH has his 1 on 1 next week and mine is week after. Work refs are being sent out as dhs work are being awkward. Hopefully receivng refs will make them realise we are serious about this.

Sorry for the me post will try and pop back on later with personals.

Lots of love and hugs to you all whichever stage you are at. We will all be mummies soon xxxx

Sxx


----------



## gap

Hi ladies,

Info evening arrived and we attended last night .... very informative and worth while going.  

Did feel as though they stress more on the drug / alcohol issues that may relate to a developing baby / toddler.....this may or it could happen scenarios.  Left dh with a lot of mixed feelings and a need to findout more.  Does anyone know any good websites which would help with this type of info, he's not much of a book reader.

A bit of advise on contact .... does this normally mean one relative? or if the child has 5 siblings that you are expected to keep in contact with them all?  


Gap


----------



## momo

Hi everyone,

Just trying to catch up on everyone's news:

Cindy- so glad that Cuddles has settled in and that your review went well.

Mez- Hope your home study starts soon now that everything is progressing nicely for you.

PBM- Hope your second application goes as well as your first!

Fiona- Hope elliott makes a speedy recovery.

Maisie- Hope prep course goes well.

Morgana- Congratulations on the match- hope all goes well!

Hello to everyone else & best wishes for whatever stage you are at.

We have got a meeting booked with our S/W on 7th March, to look though the siblings forms- can't wait for that- so far we have been told their birthdays and a description of the 3 month old boy- sounds gorgeous! I do hope that this match is for us and that we willl be lucky enough to be succesful- keep everything crossed for us!

Its good that we are so busy at the moment getting my mums bungalow ready, she'll be moving in on Sunday from respite care, after that we need to clear her old house and get it ready to sell- so busy ringing up various contractors for quotes for window replacements, central heating, damp proof courses etc - hope to get as much of it done as possible in case we are the chosen ones as won't have much time for it then!

Hope you all have a lovely weekend!

Momox


----------



## casey

Hi everyone, 
just a quick one as have had a horrendous day at work - suffice to say that seeing what some children are expected to live in and put up with is beyond words.I had to strip off as i walked the door tomight as i had visited a house and literally stank    

We are nearly at the end of HS - our s/w has spoken to manager who thinks it will be ok but now there is some discussion about issues in my childhood ( not particularly good) I am saying nothing and going to wait and see what is said next   

Gap - re sibling contact - there are no set contact plans and it very much dpends upon the individual chhild and family. Sibling contact is promoted, but if it was five children and 3 sets of adopters and 4x year contact then the adopters might try to arrange these days between them when all 5 meet and have contact at the same time. But you might get 5 children and 3 have contact 4 times a tear and 1 has indirect contact only - it really all depends on the circumstances - hope that is a bit clearer   

momo - good luck on the 7th - sounds very exciting  

Fiona - you have my sympathy - my dd has about a dozen ops and it never gets any easier   hugs to you and ds xx

cindy - glad evrything is going so well for you all   

best wishes to everyone else whatever stage you are at    
love caseyxx


----------



## Boggy

Hi folks

Gap - here is a link you may find useful:

http://www.aberlour.org.uk/publications/images/priorities_final.pdf

It's a report by Aberlour - scotlands leading charity working with children affected by substance misuse - I recommend it, but I do work for them so maybe I'm biased! It's aimed at professionals, but there are bits about how drug/alsohol affects children.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/insideout/west/series2/fetal_alcohol_syndrom_fas_pregnancy_drinking_learning_difficulties.shtml

I found this site too - looks quite good.

I'll have a think about what else could help.

Bx

/links


----------



## jan welshy

Cindy, so glad review went well.
Our first assessment has been cancelled due to 'possible conflict of interests' even though DH will not be with authority until June. I am so angry with the systems!!!!
Sick and tired of doing the right thing.
Sorry, have had a few beers and am mouthing off.
Want DH to book holiday as had compensation for something, money we would never had had and fed up of putting it towards adoption or baby of our own. Just need our time special time to recharge batteries.

Sorry to moan.
Need not to take wine.

Will be back tomorrow with proper head in place, not the beer monster!!!!!
We so want a baby family but need tolive our lives.


----------



## Mummyof2

Jan - big hugs coming your way at the frustration of it all.  Life sucks sometimes.  

Fiona - Really sorry to hear abour poor Elliot.  How upsetting for you all.  Hope he is feeling a bit better now.


----------



## ~Twinkle~

Hi Girls,

sorry not posted much but as you know we are waiting for a our prep course.

sending a big hug to Welshy -  sorry to read your assessment has been cancelled.
Also sending lots of healing hugs to Elliot bless. 
Thanks Boggy for the information its really helpful when you starting out.
Casey  poor you seeing what you did bet you want to wrap those children in cotton wall and take them home How do people get away with it!!! 

Just wanted to let you know that Ive been really excited that my prep course starts next month and was even more excited to get a letter through the post to then read its been cancelled   
Due to the work load and not enough social workers at the moment they have postponed it till 2nd July I have been upset as its the first real part of moving forward with things. Like my sisters say what's another few months and at least they are being honest with you.

Anyway hope you are all well, and good luck to you all.
Sorry to anyone Ive missed out 
take care
~Twinkle~


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies
Sorry for going AWOL lately, I've had a couple of minutes to read but not to post lately, don't know why life is so hectic at the moment.

Fiona, sorry to hear about Elliot, hope he is feeling a bit better now and you have recovered a bit too, what a horrid break it sounds.  Good news about the home study.

Kimmy, good to hear the prep course is going well.  I think you'll always get a 1 person who thinks they know it all, we had a guy who compared everything to a boiler!  He fixes them for a living and kept saying that there wasn't enough info for him to decide on different things, if he was having to decide what to do with a boiler he'd have a manual!  Like you are SW made notes.

PBM, good luck 2nd time around, hope its as easy as the first time.

MJ, well done on the medicals.  Do they set you a target of having to lose weight or just make comments?  Thats the one thing I know I won't have a problem with but I think DH will!

Karen, well done on the weight loss.  

Cindy, good to hear all is going well and Cuddles is settling in well.  Get some sleep whichever way you can!

Askingangles, Well done on your meds and getting that first home study over with.

GAP, we came away from our info evening with more questions than we went with but mainly to do with how could we afford to adopt after some of the comments made.  I do think though they have to hit you with the worst cases so you really are prepared and know what you could be getting into but I know lots of people who have adopted and not had these issues to deal with.  I have a niece who was born addicted to drugs and she is delayed in development and learning but not hugely and she is a lovely cheeky little girl.  

Morgana, congratulations, hope all goes well.

Momo, how exciting for you.

Casey, hope things get sorted quickly for you.  I do admire people that do the sort of job you do, it must be heartbreaking to see.

Jan, well done to DH on his new job.  What a pain though about the assessment being cancelled.  Surely they would be better getting it done quickly before June  Have they said what will happen now?  A holiday sounds a good idea, sometimes you just have to spend a bit of money and time on you regardless of what else you are trying to do.

Twinkle, so sorry your prep course has been delayed, how frustrating for you.  I know July seems a long way off at the moment but the time will fly by.  Get in plenty of reading while you wait!

I spent yesterday trying to get the house back to some state of normal, last weekend we were putting in new radiators and now DH has started putting the new floor tiles in the hall and kitchen, everywhere has been getting so dusty and horrid!  We have the SW coming tuesday so its given me a good excuse to spring clean the place and I won't let her leave until she has looked round!  Got the biscuits, just got to remember to get them out this time.....

Love
OT x


----------



## Mummyof2

OT - good luck with sw on Tuesday.  My dh put down quarry tiles in our kitchen just before Christmas and the brick dust was awful.  The floor looks great though.


----------



## alex28

gap said:


> A bit of advise on contact .... does this normally mean one relative? or if the child has 5 siblings that you are expected to keep in contact with them all?
> 
> Gap


hi, we had a match in jan which we turned down and contact with 8 siblings every school holiday was requested!!!! scary thought!!


----------



## maisiek

Hi guys,

Hope everyone is ok, hard to keep up with all the postings: its so lovely to chat to lots of different people all going through the same thing.

OT - good luck with the decorating & SW visit.

Twinkle - I can imagine how disappointed you must feel, its so frustrating being in the hands of other people.  Hope July comes quickly for you.

Jan - can see why you feel frustrated too!!!  Hope you can sort it out.

Casey - it must be really hard seeing what some children have to live with - at least you are making a difference but doing what you do.  Hope the rest of your HS goes ok re your issues.

Momo - Good luck with getting your mum's bungalow ready, you must have so much to do ...... and hey good luck re the siblings.  They sound lovely,  must be hard not to get too excited!!! fingers crossed for you.

Sorry if I have missed anyone out ...... good luck to everyone really......

Friday was the first day of our prep group.  It went really well, I was surprised at how many people were there.  It was very informative, but a lot to take in,  we both felt exhausted by the end of the day.  We go back on Tues eves to talk about attachment so I am looking forward to that.  There were 2 people on our group to who were very loud and forthcoming in their approach!!!!  I think it might make for an interesting group!!!   

lol maisie x


----------



## Barbarella

Hey everyone.... phew, taken me ages to catch up with everyone's news... *waves to everyone..."

I'm shattered at the moment, but life with Bea is as perfect as ever.  We have had her for 10 weeks now and are in receipt of the official letter to say our LA supports our application to adopt.  We have the forms, so just have to pop along and get Bea's birth certificate on Tuesday and we can send them off.  How exciting.

Well Bea's foster carer came round on Friday with her new foster baby.  I have to say I was a bit anxious as Bea was very close to her.  She didn't bat an eyelid... she just didn't know her... as FC left it a bit late.. should have been 4-6 weeks after placement and it's been nearly 3 months.  Bea was more interested in the baby and when I picked baby up, Bea clung to me and got very jealous.  What a wonderful feeling.  FC was very happy and said she looked happy, settled and had changed so much. It was a really nice visit.  We will keep in touch.  Bea bought her a Forever Friends bear with her initial on it, and FC was touched by that.


Anyway, enough of me... just catching up on everyone's news:-

Cindy - woooohooo... fantastic to read your story.. and little Cuddles sounds wonderful.  I am really happy for you... looking forward to reading more on the other thread...

Morgana - congratulations - great news about Smiler and Dancer.  Was   at FC... how did SHE get through the flippin process with an attitude like that.  Thank goodness those children have found you... and they can really start to enjoy life with you as their Mum.  

Superal - hope you are ok and the builders have finished.  Emailed you ages ago... hope you got it.   Glad your studies have finished.

Sorry I haven't time for more personals.... just wish so much that those of you waiting get that phone call very soon, and lots of luck to everyone going through the process.  So many people on here now... it's great.

Love C xx


----------



## naoise

Sorry I have been missing for a while I have been looking in on everyone though, I think I was a little bit down for a while, a few things have been happening and I guess they had taken their toll on me. But I am trying to get back on track with everyones news.

Our sw rang on Friday and the girls have got their new sw and she has yet to meet them but hopefully that will mean that the ball will start rolling for us. Of course our sw is now off this week but she said her manager will ring if anything major happens. But she said she will ring us the week she gets back so we are going to have wait again if it ever becomes an Olympic sport I think we are contenders for the gold!

Fiona sorry to hear about Elliot hope he mends quickly.

Welshy soo sorry to here that your assessment has been cancelled don't blame you for  having a few beers.

Barbarella Bea sounds like she has really formed a great bond with you, how cute she was jealous when you held the baby.

Morgana sorry to hear that your girls FC is being a cow, I think her days as a carer are numbered.

MaisieK good to hear your group is going well I can remember how exhausting it was all that info to take in.

I know I have forgotten loads of people and I am sorry but I will try to keep up more now that things seem to moving for us again.

Love K


----------



## gap

Hi Ladies,

Thanks for all the replies on contact / health info links .... have helped to answer a few concerns but dh still feels he needs to know a  bit more .... 

A bit of advice please ...

At the Info evening the La said they have prep courses taking place soon ... do you think by going on the course now it would give us the chance to ask questions  / air our concerns and help us to decide if this is right for us?  

Gap x


----------



## Boggy

Gap 

I've PM'd you but to answer your question here - yes, they will definitely be able to answer questions and there is no pressure to take things further.

I know you will be going to groups run by the same people as mine, so can recommend them highly.   

After the groups you will be asked to complete a form for each day of the course asking what you learned and what you still need to learn.  These forms are used as part of your assessment.

They are very informal, good fun and the social workers didn't seem to be assessing us - they even left the room when we were doing groupwork so we wouldn't be afraid to speak out.  

Bx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

hey ladies and gents

for those who asked about the weight thing on our medicals- our gp had no problem with it as DH is fit and well and she knows that my PCOS causes alot of my weight issues- we are gonna try and shed a few lbs but not gonna get to hung up on it as all the SW we have meet so far havent said anything about weight.

we got a call today from our SW to just say hi and that we will be seeing her at our feedback session from prep course(seems we meet her on the prep course..........she popped in for her lunch)

hi to everyone- sorry for lack of personals- am thinking of you all

hugs

Mez
xxxx

ps anyone up for chat next tue night?

xxx


----------



## jilldill

Hi Mez,
I am afraid I am away that night
JD x


----------



## jan welshy

SW called and definately not gonna assess us. They won't contact other authorities yet until DH has letter confirming job. Conflict of interests. DH gonna phone job people tomorrow to see if they can hurry letter on. I know why this is a conflict if DH is working for them not until then. SOOOOOOOOO frustrating. 
We are off to Edinburgh in 4 weeks, look out whisky!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now gonna look for something else to treat ourselves to.
Hope you are all well, sorry for drunken rant!!!!
Love 
WelshyXXXXXXXXXX


----------



## momo

Hi everyone,

Getting really nervous & excited about meeting our s/w tommorow to find out more about the little girl & baby boy (who is 3 months old), hoping it will be a good match and that it doesn;t fall out of our criteria and then we can go on to the next stage of meeting the children's s/w.

Had a very busy weekend moving my mum into her bungalow & clearing her old house- and it looks like we may have a potential buyer for it already!

Keep everything crossed for us for tommorow!!

Love & best wishes to everyone!

Momox


----------



## melaniejhodson

Hi

Welshy - sorry to hear about your assessment delay.      Hope the whisky helps!

Momo - keep everything crossed for you for tomorrow - I'm sure you'll be fine.  Looking forward to hearing how you get on.

    I made the mistake of cutting my dh hair (never attempted before) after a glass of red wine using a beard trimmer and I made such a balls of it he had to shave it all off.  That's going to look great at panel next week - NOT!  

Best wishes
Melanie


----------



## Lauren

Hi everyone,

Oh god I don't even know where to start in catching up with everyones news - it has been so long since I've been on here and had a proper read through everything.  There are so many of us now, which is fantastic, but so hard to keep track off!

So I'm afraid all I'm going to do is a quick update on Daisy - we are very, very excited because we have just received notification that our final adoption hearing is on 15th March!  I can't wait for it all to go through - I know it is the last hurdle in a long process and I am so grateful we have got this far but to complete this really will be the icing on the cake!

Lots of love and luck to everyone else on here - my thoughts are with you all whatever stage of the process you are at.

Lauren xxx


----------



## Milktray

So difficult to keep up with everyones news - will try to have a good read over the next couple of days!

Good news for us - we have a date of 28th March to go to panel - at long last!!  Just have to decide what to wear now!!

T x


----------



## jilldill

Hi Girls,

Milktray, good luck for the 28th you will be fine

Lauren, wow your final hearing that's flown by, I bet you can't wait for that rubber stamp what a lucky girl Daisy is to have you as her Mummy!!

Welshy, what a pain I am sorry about the delay

Momo, can't wait to hear your news, good luck

Naoise, hope to hear good news soon from you, take care

Cindy, I hope life with Cuddles is going well, she sounds wonderful

Morgana, looking forward to all your news about the girls

Maisie, glad the prep course has started well

Karen, how are you and the girls?

Maggie, hope your DD is still doing well

Jennifer, Ange K and Laine, hang on in there

Tracey H how are things going with you?

Barbarella, I know how well your DD is doing just saying hello and I will pm you soon

Val how is your Sunny doing?

To all those waiting and going through the process good luck

Everything good here we have had our initial hearing and now waiting for notification of a court date. Sunshine is doing so well all the SW's and FC are delighted with everything and so are we we have been incredibly lucky.
Love to all JD x


----------



## LB

hi ladies

feeling a bit shocked - we have been selected as a match for a little boy! (21 months old)

we were beginning to wonder wether this was ever going to happen.  still early days but we are just hoping that all goes well - keeping everything crossed 

lots of people to meet in the next couple of weeks!

LB
X


----------



## naoise

LB that is fantastic news you lucky thing

I am sure you can hardly believe it. Hope all goes well and quickly.

love K


----------



## superal

LB - Many congratulations, so over due-----you must be over the moon, I am so pleased for you and your DH.

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## Laine

LB - Fab news!! Keeping everything crossed for you both xxx

Laine


----------



## Suzie

LB   



xx


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies
LB, congrats!  Hope all goes well and you finally get your family.

Just a quick post before getting dinner....

Our SW visit went OK yesterday, she had a cup of tea and a biscuit!

She looked round and did a H&S check, which was fine, only a couple of things to do if/when we get there.  We filled in forms and had a chat about my EX, she is going to chat with her boss about whether they need to actually contact him.  The thought that after all this time he will find out anything about my life and have any input is upsetting but if it has to be then we will deal with it.  Next week we are doing Finances and Support Networks.  We are still getting conflicting info regarding giving up work, financially we can't afford for me to give up completely but I would take 12months and then go part time, obviously depending on the needs of any child/ren.  

We have to do our family tree for next week and even though we have already given them a break down of our incomings and outgoings I will list it all again.

Right, will catch up properly later.
Love
OT x


----------



## jilldill

LB,
What exciting and so deserved good news, I have everything crossed for you.
Keep us posted love JD x


----------



## keemjay

Great news LB, really hope this is the one for you 

OT glad your visit went well today, glad she ate your biscuits, ours never did, maybe she didnt like the look of my homemade ones 

naoise, you have had the patience of a saint and def deserve a medal..hope you get some news the INSTANT your sw is back to work 

Milktray..fab news that you have a date for panel, not long now 

fiona - hope Elliots arm is healing ok

cindy - hope all continues to go well with cuddles

MJ - yes i am free on tues for a natter 

momo - hope your meeting went well today   

jilldill- glad sunshine is doing so well, hope you dont have to wait too long for a court date

no news this end, its been a month since we heard about the 2 little girls (age 6yrs and 22 months) and we still know nothing more than their names and ages  i think we have some slightly positive news in that their sw called today and he apologised about the delay (after i wrote a nagging email to OUR sw whom i suspect gave him a poke!) and that he hoped to have some news within a week. presumably he's interested in us then  except we dont really know till we've had more info if *we* think its a good match for us... aaaarrrrgh all this f*rting about really gets up my nose!!!!!! have to say tho that our sw is a diamond, answers my emails immediately, always phones when she says she will and puts up with my endless pestering, i think we are really lucky

I'm watching with interest as friends of ours are going through introductions for their 2nd adopted child..an 18mth old little girl. they are halfway through and its going well..only feel a teensy bit envious...i know we will get our turn....

 and love to everyone
kj x


----------



## Val 12

JD good for you g;ad everything is going well.
OT glad your visit was ok too
Sorry I haven't posted for ages but have had a few pc probs the last few days and have been so busy with Sunny. I posted a seperate topic earlier but it got moved to 'ask a health visitor' and nobody has replied yet!!! so i'm none the wiser. I haven't got time to rewrite it but if anyone has the time they could look on there.
To cut a very long story short i'm a bit worried about Sunny's development, he seems a little behind compared to other children of the same age and of what we've read in books. I'm sure he's presenting with ADHD symptoms but as he's only 22 months I may be jumping the gun a bit. My friend visited this pm and she is a nurse like me and she too has seen the same concerns as myself. The SW is calling tomorrow and I think we need to discuss things with her. The health visitor is doing his 2 year check next week and said they would refer him on if need be. 
I've been a bit worried about discussing any probs with the SW as we don't want them to think we can't cope because we can and we love him so much. We just want the best for Sunny as any parent would. He's sat on dh's knee at the moment watching Top Gear so he's really settled tonight bless him, let's hope he stays like that for the night.
Hope veryone else is ok and i'll try to keep in touch
Val xx

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=87262.0


----------



## casey

Val - i have read your post on health visitor thread but did not know how to reply. If i was you, then i let the s/w know my concerns and give specific examples about sonny's behaviour and ask her to liaise with health visitor and discuss whther sonny should be referred to the community padiatrician for assessment.It is understandable that you want to tell the s/w that everything is ok but your concerns about sonny are very valid, and so is your need for post-adoption support. Maybe you could post on  www.AdoptionUk, org as there is some info about behaviours etc on the boards and an advice line if you need it. good luck for tomorrow 
casey    

/links


----------



## missy london

Hi,
I hope I can join this thread - I am about to start adoption process after 12 years of fertility treatment and a 7 month break after our final try.
I have two main concerns at mo that maybe someone can help me with:
a) I am overweight ( I have PCOS ) but not vastly so.
b) I know it may be a difficult question to answer but I am trying to work out a rough time frame of how long this process may take? One of the reasons I need to know is that I am fairly tied to see something through in my current job until mid 2008.
So many questions.... so little time to type them!!

Hope to chat to  some of oyu soon,
Missy London


----------



## LB

hi Val

have sent you a message - 
but just wanted to say that if i was you i would discuss it with SW - i don't think they will think you can't cope just that you want the best for sunny.  
hope that makes sense they always say they are there to help and even just talking about it with SW may bring up some thoughts and suggestions to help you - a problem shared.
the sw may be able to reassure you due to their past experiences.

take care
LB
X


----------



## melaniejhodson

Hi Missy London

Welcome to this part of the site, all the ladies are really supportive and helpful on here and its great to chat (and rant!) to people who are going through the same. All the happy stories and good news that are posted gives us all hope. 

Can't help you on the weight question, and as for how long.... A lot can depend on prep course availability, social workers availability, home study number of visits etc.  From what I have seen on this site with the other ladies it seems to take roughly 8 months to a year to get to panel and then averages 6 months to get matched but this is only a guide. 

Hope you enjoy your adoption journey.
LOL
Melanie


----------



## Milktray

LB - fantastic and not before time news!

OT - glad that the HS visit went well, you are lucky that the SW did the H&S check this early on, our SW said at the end of each session that she would do it next time....so we completely gutted the house each time and she always ended up putting it off!!

Val - I would def advise contacting your SW as I am sure that they will have come across situations like this before and will be able to advise you.

KJ - hope you get the news re the girls soon.....

Missy London - hi and welcome!  As Melanie explained the process can vary in length depending on a whole host of factors, as you can see from my sig we started the process over 1.5 years ago and are just heading to panel - although we have had to change LA's in this time and so it has taken since Jan 2006 with the new LA to get to the point that we are at now (but we have had a few big issues - mainly regarding my health to overcome during this time).  I truly hope that your timescale is a short one!

Melanie - just noticed your ticker - 5 days to panel.....got everything crossed for you!

Hi to everyone else and sorry for not mentioning you personally....

T x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

hi ladies

how you all doing?

i promise i will sit and do personals soon!!!

Val- by letting your SW know your not saying "your not coping" your saying" we need help to access this" i know at the prep course the SW said that they are there to help us and not to hinder us.

LB- have everything crossed about thsi match 

Missy london- ref time scales -so far its took us 3months and we are about to start home study- our LA is aiming to get us to panel by the end of the summer- if your work life is hectic may be worth using the next few months to read up on adoption and choose which LA or VA you want to go with and get the ball rolling - good luck

milktray- not long till panel for you either- have everything crossed it goes smoothly!

Melanie- good luck for panel for you too! hope it goes smoothly for you

Keemjay- hope the SW gets back to you soon with more news and info! have everything crossed for you

Casey- i really enjoy having you here as your able to give us info from a SW point of view and remind us that your not all "scary" people !

we got a call today from one of the SW on prep with us to say "hi not forgotten you- will ring next tue to book u in for your post prep course feedback meeting" they seem to ring just to say whats going on- have to say they have impressed me no end! (lets hope im not eating my words on that one)

hugs

Mez
xxxx


----------



## Mummytoone

OMG LB!!!!!!!

WE said this could happen, we might become Mummys together!!!  

Cant stop as friends coming in a min but i am soooooo excited now!!!!!!


L xxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Missy London - as you can see from my signature it has been almost 2.5 years for us so far!  I am also in my 40s but dh is 38.

Congrats to everyone who deserves them and hugs to those that need them.

No news here as usual.


----------



## magenta

Val,

Sending you a big hug.  Luckily we knew our wee girl (nearly 2) had development delay when we she was placed with us in November but we were also told to expect her to possibly regress or 'act out' once the 'honeymoon period' of the first few months was over.  Apparently this is to do with them settling in, needing re-assurance and testing boundaries etc.  Do you think he is perhaps regressing or testing boundaries or is it something very different

Also be aware that apparently the 'terrible twos' can start anytime for 18months 

If it helps our wee one (23months) will only play with a toy for about 2-3minutes and still has cardboard and fabric babybooks (other than the bedtime story book which she doesn't get to hold) because she rips pages accidentally and sometimes on purpose.  She is very active and very willful (read stubborn) and we often struggle to help her understand that she doesn't always get what she wants and that mummy and daddy make the choices.  Because she is still learning this, toddler groups are good for her but can be fraught with 'issues' for her regarding sharing and taking turns. She can be 'boisterous' at toddler group but no more so that other children (except that she is only just learning to share at 23months unlike others who learnt earlier so she more frequently gets into disputes). i often feel like I am the only mother saying 'NO' all the time 

She only had about 15words max until Christmas (when she was 20months) and only used mummy, daddy, hiya, tata, juice and numnum (food) on a regular basis.  She understands a lot more than she says even now but she still gets frustrated when she can't say what she means (which is why we are re-introducing signing a la Something Special on CBeebies)

Good luck with your two year check - we have ours tomorrow.  only thing i am worried about is her eyesight as she seems to have a squint but apparently it isn't uncommon and should self rectify.  I would only mention it to SW if it is picked up by the HV and he needs extra help/tests. It isn't affecting your ability to care for him  - and is really just about accessing extra support if he needs it.

Magenta xx


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## momo

Hi Ladies,

Just done a long post with personals but lost it as the office outlook went down for about an hour Grrrrr!!!

LB- Good luck on your possible match-fingers crossed!

Missy London- we had our initial interview in March 05, & were approved in Sept 06 and are now being considered for a sibling pair- Its took a long time as we have had a few setbacks but if all works out the wait is worth it- hope all runs smoothly for you!

Magenta- good luck with the 2 year check

Naoise-Hope you get some good news soon- you are so patient!

Keemjay- hope you get some news from your S/W soon too

Jilldill -glad everything is going well with sunshine.

We had a meeting with our S/W yesterday and got all the information about the sibling pair- although it was very harrowing and i felt close to tears at times, we are happy to procede and are now waiting for a date to meet the childrens s/w.
really really hope we are succesful with these two- they definately will get all the love & attention they deserve.

We have now cleared my mums house and have had an offer on it already which is great as we could do with getting everything sorted before we are matched.

Off to Budapest tommorow for the weekend for a well earned break!

Momox


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## cindyp

Just a quickie, Junior is watching a Thomas video and DD is cuddling her Dad  

LB, that's great news, so pleased it's finally happened for you     Keep us posted

Momo, hope it goes really well with the children's SW.  Looking forward to reading more about your match.

Val, I can only agree with the others, ask the SW for some advice.  If they cannot help you directly they should be able to point you in the right direction.  Having an active boy myself I'll have a look at your other post and see if I can add any more.

Best of luck for those going to panel and anybody else who has important meets this week.

love to everyone
Cindy


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## cindyp

PS, Missy I have a BMI of 35 and have successfully adopted twice


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## Mum to a gorgeous cherub

Hi Girls

LB fab fab news, thrilled for you, keep us posted.

Momo good luck for your meeting.

Missy my BMI is 33, nothing was mentioned at panel. Good luck.

Well our big day has finally arrived.... Panel is tomorrow, Yiiiiiiiiikkkkeeeeessss!!!!

Very nervous but everyone has assured us it will be fine.

Good luck to everyone. Big hugs to all of those having a hard time.

Will let you know who it goes.

xxxx


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## momo

Waiting to be a mum- Best wishes for panel tommorow! Hope you are celebrating this weekend!


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## Milktray

Good luck for panel tomorrow - sure you will be fine!


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## melaniejhodson

Waiting to be a mum - 

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow - then enjoy celebrating this weekend.

LOL
Melanie


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## jilldill

Hi Girls,
Waiting to be a Mum, all the very best for tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let us know when you can love JD x


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## Val 12

Waiting to be a mum good luck for tomorrow, get the champers on ice !!!

momo: good luck with your match, what an exciting time for you

Cindy: thanks for your advice was greatly appreciated

Magenta: thank you so much for your help, Sunny displays a lot of similar characteristics that you describe which has reassured me a little

Sunny's SW visited today and was lovely. She was here for nearly 3 hours so had a good insight into what's going on. She could see how happy and settled Sunny is but could understand my concerns re: his short attention span and his behaviour. She wants to speak to the health visitor about next week's 2 year check but we did discuss developmental delay and possible ADHD. She was very keen that should any problems be identified that Sunny be referred to a paediatrician and/or speech therapist.

I'm pleased we've discussed our concerns as she was absolutely lovely and said she was glad we'd confided in her. But obviously i'm worried about Sunny, I suppose I was hoping I was just being paranoid but for the SW to agree with my concerns makes it all the more 'real', if that makes sense. Mind he's not been so well today bless him, he's lying on dh's knee and was cuddled up to me a lot this afternoon which is most unlike him. Anyway, better go and see if he's ready for beddybyes, hope evryone else is ok,
Val xxx


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## Barbarella

Just a quickie... just wanted to congratulate LB - am so over the moon for you... long awaited and so deserved.  Will be logging on to hear your updates.

Val... wanted to send you a hug. I read your post, but don't have the experience to respond. I am so glad you spoke to the SW.. they are there to support so am pleased she has helped you.  I think we all have this worry with our adopted children - like you, we won't know about any behavioural/learning difficulties until they hit us when Bea is older. 

Naoise - thanks for the mention...

Jilldill - will PM you back...

Waiting to be a Mum... very best of luck for tomorrow.

Lots of love, C xx


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## TraceyH

Val

I am so pleased that you feel reassured and the SW was supportive

Our little one is 21 months and exhibits some of the things you have mentioned.  I do genuinely think it is toddlers as Magenta has said.  Our little one also does not speak very much as there was an older child at the foster parents and often older children speak for them but now he is going to toddler groups and mixing with other children his speech is really coming on. 

LB - I have got everything crossed for you.  

Waiting to be a mum - Good luck for tomorrow.

Jill - Pleased to hear about Sunshine.  Hopefully not long to wait for a court date.

Tracey x


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## Ruthiebabe

Hi,

LB, great news. I've always kept an eye out for news from you as we were approverd the same week. fingers crossed!

Val, great that your social worker was supportive. just one thing i wanted comment on about "other mothers"...Boo went through a phase of throwing the most outrageous tantrums. Above and beyond anything I've seen before. And people do look, but i don't think they were being as dissapproving as I initially thought they were. I'm sure if you give the mum's from the play group a brief low-down on Sunny they'll be really supportive. No great detail, just that he's just been adopted by you and is settling in. We found people really went out of their way to include us when they learnt we had adopted boo......like they think we must be nice people....the fools!  

anyway i hope you get some more reassurance from the health visitor.

hi to everyone else, I'm full of cold just now and my memory can't stretch to mentioning anyone else, sorry!

xxruthie.


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## Val 12

Hi Ruthie sorry you're full of cold, hope you're better soon.
I took Sunny to toddler group this morning and I got talking to a few more people. I met a girl who'd been the whole IVF route and adopted 2 boys!!! I took dh (well more like dragged) along for moral support as he's off on a Friday and he loved it. He thought it was great for Sunny as he played a lot more with another little boy and with the toy kitchen, he loved it. He didn't throw any tantrums at all   
I have told a few people about his adoption and you're right they do look at you as if you are doing a 'wonderful thing' and they seem to have taken Sunny under their wing. One of the women took him off and made a mother's day card with him (my 1st one ).
So i'm feeling much more positive today. He's been sat for the last few minutes near me playing with his megablocks but is getting bored now because i'm on the pc and not playing with him so better go.

LB forgot to mention you yesterday, what great news for you
Waiting to be a mum: let us know how you got on today

Val xx


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## jilldill

Hi Girls,
Ruthie, hope the cold gets better soon
Val, glad to hear you are getting SW support
Cindy, thanks for the pm get some rest when you can!!!!!
Magenta, hope the 2 year check goes well for you all
Barbarella, hope you and DD are doing well

Take care,
We have our second big review this week, feel very calm about it all I enjoy the visits we get now!!
Love to all JD x


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## magenta

Hi jilldill,  hope the meeting goes well  - I am sure it will. We have another meeting at the end of this month just to confirm that the court petition is lodged and to chase up the curator from the court if required.  With a bit of luck we'll not have to wiat too long for the court date and that will be our last meeting.  Altohugh we have been very lucky with only minimal sw intervention/checks.  just one a month at most which is usually the review meeting anyway.

Bubbles' 2 year check went amazingly well and I am a v. proud mummy.  She is up to approx 50 percentile for weight and height (she is a little short for her age but not by much) and she did well in the skills tests apart from building a tower which she couldn't/wouldn't do although HV thought she was probably too distracted by the other toys in the room.  i also explained that we don't have wooden building blocks at home so it would be a new thing for her (we have stacking cups; stickle bricks etc but no wooden cubes).  So HV said that if she didn't already know, she wouldn't guess she was delayed - HURRAHHHHHHHH!!  She still has to go for her full griffiths test next month at the hospital but it seems that she has remained steady from her ability level at the last check -  . 

How is Sunshine doing? is she able to build towers yet or is she still at the stage of knocking them down?  

magenta x


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## Mum to a gorgeous cherub

Hi Girls

Thank you sooo much for all your good wishes.

The panel said Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!      

Woo hoo, feel like Iam in a dream and it is not happening to me. I suppose it won't seem real till we bring him home. 

He is 11 months old and looks adorable. Iam very nervous about our first meet. We are having a week of introductions starting on wednesday. Any tips for this part would be greatly received? He is not a local child so we are staying in a hotel.

Lots of shopping to do.....

Will let you know how we get on. 

Thanks again 
xxx


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## alex28

congratulations, hope intros go well and little one is home with u soon.

magenta - fab news about bubbles.  those centile things can be worrying, we have friend whose 11 months old is on 25th centile and another friend whose 15 months old is on 97th centile but they both look pretty healthy to me!!

Jill - good luck for this week. xx

hope everyone else is going ok.  Things are fine with me since DH and i decided to part company - the hard bit was telling sw as it was very upetting but u just have to get on with these life throws at us eh?  Been keeping busy with work and friends and have been invited out for sunday roast tomorrow with friends and their 3 boys so looking fwd to a crazy afternoon. 

xxx


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## jilldill

Hi Girls,
Waiting to be a Mum, fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Many many congratulations 11 months wow how wonderful you deserve every second of it lots of love JD xxx

Magenta, great news on Bubbles 2 year tests you must be over the moon with her!!!
Sunshine is doing great thanks yes she is building a tower with help but does love to knock them down. All her developmental tests so far have shown her to be ahead in everything bar speech and she is on target for that.
Alex, you sound in good form you should be so proud of yourself

Love to all JD xx


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## naoise

Hi all

I had written a long post and lots of personals and I lost the whole thing

Magenta glad to hear all went well with the assessment sounds like Bubble is doing really well

Waiting to be a Mum the wait is nearly over, 11 months old Wow great news

Alex hope you have a good tomorrow going out for lunch sounds like a brilliant idea.

Val your first Mothers Day card I am sure you were delighted with it.

I had better go I think we are off to get a dvd, what an exciting life we lead.

Love K


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## melaniejhodson

Waiting to be a mum - waiting over!

Fantastic news - many congratulations to you both.


LOL
Melanie


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## LB

waiting to be a mum

many congratulations - hope you have a fab set of intros and that your little boy is home soon 

best wishes
LB
X


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## superal

Congratulations waiting to be a mum!

Alex- stay strong, it's nice to hear from you on these boards as you must find it hard BUT please remember we are your friends.

Off to see my Gran in a little while so had better go and get ready, DD has just wondered in, just woke up............I love Sundays, a lie in!!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## cindyp

Waiting to be a Mum, that's fantastic news.  Hope your intros go really well, at that age I wouldn't be surprised if they only last a week and then you will have your DS home with you.  Take care of yourselves as the intros can be quite tiring both physically and emotionally, especially if you are away from home.  It is perfectly natural to feel nervous and as if you are on trial during the intros but bear in mind it is just as akward for the foster carers as it is for you so just be yourselves and try to enjoy them.  Looking forward to reading all about your new little boy.

Magenta/Jill you must both be pleased with how well your daughters are doing.  

Alex, pleased to read your post, as Jill says you should be proud of the way you are handling things.  Hope you have a nice lunch.

Val, glad things went well with the SW and that you are having a more positive experience with the toddler group.

Gotta go, BIL and his wife and their baby twins are visiting so this is just a quickie.

love to everyone

Cindy


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## Mummyof2

Waiting to be a mum - big congratulations to you.  

Hi to everyone else.

No news here.


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## Old Timer

Hi Ladies
So much to catch up on!  

Waiting to be a Mum, congratulations!  How wonderful for you, hope the intros go well and you can bring your DS home soon.

We have our 2nd SW visit on Tuesday and are doing our family trees this afternoon......

Love
Ot x


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## Laine

Congratulations Waiting to be a Mum!

Laine


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## jan welshy

Congrats 'waiting'. 
L
Welshy


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## ♥ M J ♥

hey ladies

Waiting- congratulations- not long now! 

OT- good luck for your 2nd home visit- we had to do our family tree for our prep course! 

Andrea- i love sundays too! they are ment to be a lazy day!

hi to everyone else- sorry no more personals!

My inlaws(who i do get on with greatly) are slowly doing my head in with the parental advise!(things like "oh make sure you dont leave nail varnish remover in a childs reach" - not only have we had 2 of our nieces to stay for weekends and school hols since born i also have looked after my friends 3 when i lived with her and they were all under 5!)  so we have decided not to tell them anything for a while 

hugs

Mez
xxxx

Ps sorry that turned into a mini rant!


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## ♥ M J ♥

oh and ment to say anyone around thur night for adoption chat? 

xxx


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## KarenM

Hi Everyone

Promise I will catch up soon. Have two assignment on the go at the moment (a 6,000 word one and my 15,000 word dissertation  )

Thought the thread was getting a bit big, so here's a new home.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=87726.0

Before we start the new home jsut to say congrats to LB and Waiting 2 be Mum.

Karen x


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## saphy75

Sorry i haven't been about much but chunk is teething and has been very poorly with it, he is much beter now but still a bit grumpy

i'll try to do a proper post later  

pam xx


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