# Do I move on or keep hoping?.......



## shar08 (Oct 23, 2007)

Hi everyone,
I've been reading the site for sometime, but have not been brave enough to register before now,so here goes.
Have recently had my last failed IVF-blast,on the steroids,aspirin,heparin and IM gestone, have 3 blasts in storage but I cannot bear to go through it all again,despite not being able to afford it I can't take the emotional toil again.
Was living in the hope that my boyfriend would go ahead with plans for adoption,he was really enthusiastic to start with but now tells me he couldn't raise someone elses child,I'm obviously shattered,for the past 6 yrs I have helped him raise his son(no easy task)and I feel huge resentment and anger towards him. Don't know what to do with myself and how to cope with these feelings,I still cling onto the hope that I will one day conceive naturally.
So sorry to start with a huge moan on my first posting,it's been brewing for sometime.
Would really appreciate some advice.
Thanks so much, 
love from shar08 xx


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

big hugs Shar08, thank you for posting, it is always nice to meet new people. Wanted to say how sorry I am to hear of your recent result. At the moment I would say everything is still very raw and emotions will be running higher than normal. When on this rollercoaster we seem to always want to know what the next step will be but sometimes it takes a while to be clear what that is. This is one of those times hun, give yourself and DP some time to gather your strength and then have a chat about what to do next.  Things will seem clearer soon.

Take care
x


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Hi Shar08

Having read your post I'm lost for words really, I just wanted to add my welcome.

There are others with step-child relationships who post here regularly and no doubt they'll have far greater insight than I can offer but I agree with Yamoona, everything must feel so raw at the moment, I'm so sorry.

Take care

flipper


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## shar08 (Oct 23, 2007)

Hi Yamoona,(I hope that this is being posted in the right place,apologies if it isn't,I don't want to offend anyone)
Thanks for your kind words,it's feels such a relief to be able to be in touch with someone who knows where I'm coming from and that these feelings are "normal".
You are right ,I want answers and solutions for my problems straight away.I think,no I know, it's a control thing I suppose.
Spoke to DP last night,had a long chat,we're going to make an appointment to speak to the consultant  next week(I've been putting it off,don't really want to go back to the clinic,means I have to confront painful memories)maybe get some answers,maybe not,we'll see. Thanks for the advice it made me confront things I was avoiding,thank you.
shar08xx


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## shar08 (Oct 23, 2007)

Hi Flipper,
Thanks for taking the time to reply.
The step child issue is ongoing and yes it's tough.I get lots of comfort and relief by speaking to ladies(+gents)who are in similar situations to mine.Reading through all the site I'm amazed that all these strange,sometimes irrational feelings and thoughts are commonplace.
On a positive note,I love your photo you must have seen some amazing sites in India.
Bye bye shar08xx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Hi Shar08

I just wanted to say you have absolutely come to the right place. We've all arrived here via different routes, and we're all in slighty different situations, but we share our pain. Although I can't imagine for a second how it feels to raise a partner's child, I do know the feeling of simply not being able to face another round of IVF, and I recon there are a lot of people on this board who, despite trying to move on with their lives, still have that monthly cycle of hope and despair (me included! - I find it the most frustrating part of infertility - as an unexplained couple, we have no closure) But anyway... 

Mainly what I wanted to say was welcome. There are so few places in the world where we can bare our souls and tell it like it is, this board is a godsend. So moan and rant on whenever you need to - I know I do! xxx


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