# Your opinion please



## babylemonade (Feb 24, 2010)

Hi everyone, this is my 1st month TTC using a known donor. I did a PT yesterday and it was a BFN but it may be a little early my period is not due for another week. It's too tempting and hard to wait. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about.

Anyway my dilemma is this. My dp and I have been together for 5 years and are not yet CPs although we are planning to we just haven't gotten around to it. I've just found out that if we are CPs when I conceive, my dp will automatically be considered the other parent. I'm 38 so we are running out of time. If we get a rushed CP then it robs us of our big celebration but protects our soon to be (hopefully) family. Or do we wait and just go through the adoption process and have a CP someday in the future.

What would you do? Anyone been through the adoption procedure?

Thanks a million for your response.


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

i would rush the cp and do a big bash after baby is born!!!  so much less hassle than doing the adoption (from what other people have said) and its automatic!  its as good as it could be in terms of equal legal status as any other couple!

 although you might be preg already!!  in which case im sure it will all be fine going through the adoption etc.


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## babylemonade (Feb 24, 2010)

Thanks for your reply 

I doubt I'm pregnant on the first try but i guess you never know. I'm sure whatever happens it will be just fine. I'm so happy we now have such choices.


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## rosypie (Feb 1, 2007)

no brainer if you ask me, avoid adoption wherever possible. get a quickie CP, have your DP on the birth certificate and it's simple as that. legal parent with no hoops to jump through.

have your big celebration later if that's what you want to do.

not to mention, without the CP you cannot legally exclude your known donor's parental rights unless he continues to agree and the adoption might be delayed months if not years (we're still waiting 2 years later). if he changes his mind after baby arrives you have a whole extra layer of unneccessary complexity (which is worse case scenario of course and probably very unlikey but better safe than sorry imo)


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

my dp and i arent cp'd and we have our dd (9mnths) but i would seriously consider cp this year so when we ttc no2 the following year ( ) that is all set up and then i would come and live in the UK for the last 6 weeks of pregnancy and birth so that dp could be on the b certificate .... but im sure that would be quite hard with a toddler and no dp and what if she missed the birth .....but its so tempting cos its just so straightforward legally.  although we are talking about something quite far in the future ....


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## rosypie (Feb 1, 2007)

if you conceive at a clinic you don't need to be cp'd to have your partner on the certificate. it's only for home insemination that it's a must.


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

ahhh i see!  its more the being away from home at the end of the pregnancy & gabs being able to get to us in time for the birth that would be hard - but we will consider it as it is just so ace!


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## babylemonade (Feb 24, 2010)

Yeah, I think you are right. A quick civil partnership before conception makes things really easy. I don't want to go through a clinic if the sperm has to be quarantined for 6 months. So I guess we can have a commitment ceremony and party when the baby is here (and I can have some champagne).

I'm so glad I found this site. Everyone is so helpful.

Many thanks


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## Lumi (Jan 14, 2010)

Hi babylemonade
I'm 38 too! but OH is doing the pregnant thing (she's 30). We have yet to CP but are going to do it before the babies are born (shot gun wedding - she's already huge and only 20 weeks!). Our clinic said it doesn't have to be before you conceive as long as it's before they're born. I hope that's right as that's what we're counting on re adoption. If Rosypie is right re being on the certificate, we're still doing the CP before they're born because we want to and because IF any problems arise, I will then be next of kin for OH. We have never been able to decide about doing a big bash or small thing, hence it's taken us so long to do it (been together over 12 years). Now it's all gonig to be a bit of a rush job - and prob just a minor event but we're now thinking about possibly having a celebration later - us, babies etc.
Good luck with your journey and don't do the PTs so early!!


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## rosypie (Feb 1, 2007)

you don't have to be CP'd at all if you go through a clinic (unless you want to for other reasons like next of kin etc.) but if you do it at home then you do have to be CP'd BEFORE conception. i guess the logic is that you need to have demonstrated agreement to parenthood at point of conception either by formalising it through a clinic (where you are required to sign forms at the point of treatment agreeing that the non-bio one be the second parent) or by being CP'd at the time of conception.

ETA: adoptions take forever and it's very easy for it to go 'wrong' if circumstances change between registering intention to adopt and it being granted in court, e.g. if you split or if someone withdraws consent (and home insems with known donor require all 3 to consent AND keep consent in place for months and maybe years). it's all worse case scenario but not unheard of and ultimately it's the child that loses out these cases as they're the ones that end up with one legal parent and not two. i really think if something exists in the law to ensure that everyone's connection to a child is formalised from the very beginning then it's much better to use it, not leave anything to chance.

ETA II: sorry for doom and gloom, i'm a cup half empty type of gal   i do wish you all lovely CPs and pregnancies and births


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## babylemonade (Feb 24, 2010)

I can't believe it. I'm pregnant. On the first month of trying. We are delighted. Wish we were Cp already but wont let that tarnish our joy. We just have to hope that everything will go smoothly with the adoption. Our donor is a good friend of ours and fingers crossed it won't be a problem. It is in his interests to get it done to so he does not have any financial responsibilities. He is a good person, otherwise we would have never done this with him. 

Thanks for your messages and good luck.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

congratulations on your 
L x


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

congratulations!! babylemondade thats wonderful news.  good luck for the rest of your pregnancy and beyond.  keep us posted. ax


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## Lumi (Jan 14, 2010)

Wow! Congrats babylemonade! Hope you get everything sorted and that it all goes smoothly. Good luck with the pregnancy.


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## rosypie (Feb 1, 2007)

congrats! first time lucky, amazing!

still look into that CP stuff though, it will make getting PR for your partner easier and cheaper and when you do go for adoption you won't have to answer a barrage of questions about why you aren't (CP'd).

wishing you a happy healthy pregnancy


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## babylemonade (Feb 24, 2010)

Thanks for the advice Rosypie, we will definitely be CP before the baby is born and will organise donor contract, wills etc.


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## Baby Blue (Feb 20, 2010)

Hi babylemonade, you should definitely get legal advice from a solicitor who specialises in this subject.  

Whatever you decide to do you definitely must have a will in place as soon as your pregancy is viable. The will should include information about who will be the legal guardian of your child if something terrible happens to you (eg you fall into a coma and you die but the baby survives).  If you don't do this your baby could be taken into care and put up for adoption ...

Hope this helps.

Baby Blue


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## rosypie (Feb 1, 2007)

^yes, wills are really really important, especially where you're not CP'd. can you do a donor contract after conception? i know they're not legally binding so maybe it doesn't make any difference if it's signed after the event or not... nat will know


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