# Going again or not ??



## missuso (Jul 25, 2013)

Hello all, 

It's been a few months since our failed DE cycle back in December and for my own sanity I've just had to switch off from all IVF thoughts since then. After 3 failed OE and 1 failed DE cycle I thought I had just accepted that it wasn't to be.  Only really in last week or so did I begin to think that maybe I wasn't ready to give up.

Then lo and behold out of the blue today our clinic rang to say we were now top of waiting list. We put ourselves back on in Dec when we failed and were told it was back to a circa 9 month waiting list, so the phone call today after only 4 months was a bit out of the blue.  

Brian starting to work overtime in it all again and just don't know what to do.  I was gradually coming to terms with accepting that children just weren't going to happen and was getting on with it. Then now thinking do we go again? Yes the potential positive outcome would be amazing but a failed cycle would just set me back so far again when we gave just been getting on with life and I don't know if I could deal with failure again.  I wouldn't want to start a cycle with negative thoughts but I can't face building my hopes again.

Sorry for the rambling 'me' post, I just needed to write down my thoughts in the hope it might clear my brain a bit! No one else other than you all can really get this craziness ! 

Take care,
Missuso x


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

I think you already know the answer but you just need a shove forward   Go for it


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## Lilly83 (Jan 19, 2012)

I second what blondie says, you can see from my sig my history and I had a poor donor match with 1 embie and then the second donor didn't perform well so we were expecting a negative again and I was worrying how I would get over it again, was so scared of failure. It was our last cycle and we had loads of extra meds at my insistence and bingo! Not sure if it was a better donor, the meds or just a combination but you might kick yourself if you don't try 

L x


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## missuso (Jul 25, 2013)

Thanks Blondie and Lilly,

I've just got a real head and heart dilemma going on. I've always been a bit of a control freak and the feeling of helplessness in being unable to 'solve' our fertility issues has hit me hard. So at the moment I feel a bit more in control and if we go again it's all out of my control again and the fear of failing is huge so that's what holding me back. I know the prize for not failing is even bigger but am really just so scared.  Positive stories really do help one minute then am back looking at people's signatures who have failed multiple times and think well i Just need to accept for some people it just doesn't happen. 

Am not a negative person in Life generally, am pretty upbeat on the whole but this just knocks the stuffing out of me sometimes.  No easy answers I know  I am really tying to give myself the kick in the backside.

Lilly what were the extra meds for this cycle ? 

Thanks again ladies, hugely appreciated 

X


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## Lilly83 (Jan 19, 2012)

I know exactly what you mean, I kept thinking If it hadn't work so far why would it now? I also just thought my body just mustn't know how to get pregnant as I tracked ov for 4 years and no bfp ever despite having ok eggs at my own egg cycle so I know I had some eggs left 

I had Gestone, Clexane and prednisilone this time from the donors Egg collection and if the pregnancy continues I will stay on them until 12 weeks x


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## missuso (Jul 25, 2013)

Well we took the plunge and have our consents appointment in early May. Still have reservations but on the whole I feel we just need another and final go. No idea how we will pay for it just yet, will have to get working on that this next few weeks.

Deep breath.......

😀


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## fififi (Mar 16, 2011)

It's an extra big knock down when you get bfn after having made the switch to DE from OE. Having taken the huge step to DE your expectations are way higher than ever before. This cycle is given such a build up - the missing link! So if it fails the fall is from a far greater height.

Remember DE odds are usually at a clinic's top end - around 50% chance of success. But, whilst top end its still not a definite and realistically for every two DE cycles started only one will get the happy ending. For many ladies they hit jackpot first time round but sadly not everyone can.

My failed DE cycle hit me hard. It was supposed to be our final shot. However I felt that for me to be able to draw closure I needed to have a second cycle - logic being if I had a 1 in 2 chance I wanted the 2 goes. For me it's paid off and hopefully by end of year I really will have my happy ever after.

Best of luck to you & hoping its second time lucky for you too


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