# Wanting a boy/girl when infertile



## PinkPeacock (Nov 9, 2006)

Hi, 


Not really sure where to put this so apologies if it's in the wrong place. 


I have always wanted to be a mum, and always wanted a girl. When I talk about doing IVF with people they sometimes say "do you want a boy or girl, oh, I guess with what you've been through you just want a baby!" Without even waiting for me to answer. 


But I want a girl. Very very much. And I feel bad about that because they're right, with everything we've gone through, being choosy about sex seems selfish and trivial. 


Being a bit psychoanalytical, I think part of my reason is that I grew up in an all femal sale parent family. The only men in our lives were step dads who were either physically violent or emotionally absent, and my granddad who took his own life when I was 15. My own biological father doesn't give a flying monkeys about me, and the step dad I was close to I haven't seen since I was 16. The only man I've ever known who hasn't either abused or neglected me in one way or another, is my husband who is absolutely wonderful. It wasn't until I met him that I realised men had emotions. As ridiculous as that sounds, it's utterly what I thought. 


So I think there's a big part of me that worries that if I have a boy, I won't bond with him. We are having donor IVF and I'm already concerned that I'll not bond with my baby because of that, so if it's a boy it'll be even worse. 


We've always said that we will find out the sex of the baby once I'm pregnant, and my main reason for doing so is that I want to have time to get used to the idea. My husband prefers a boy so there's that too


My ideal outcome of this DE IVF round would be twins, boy girl, and then I can have a hyst straight away afterwards. That way we've both got our longed for babies, one of each as they say. But I've got a secret worry that it'll be twins and both boys! I know I shouldn't be saying this, that I would be grateful with whatever we got, that if it was a single boy or twin boys we would be incredibly lucky, but I can't help feeling that I won't love it. 


I'm very much into boys and girls being allowed to be themselves rather than pink for girls blue for boys and all the other stereotypes, but at the same time there are certain traits taht boys are more likely to have. 


I know this is so silly to even be worrying about this - I'm not even pregnant yet. I keep looking at boys clothes and nursery themes on Pinterest to try to get some excitement going, but I just want a girl. I feel like a bad person for saying this, but I've felt it since I was a teenager, before all the Endo stuff started, and infertility hasn't changed that. 


Has anyone else felt strongly one way or another and had the opposite sex to the one they wanted? How did you deal with it? 


Thanks, 
PP
Xxx


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## stelmat (Feb 1, 2014)

There is nothing wrong with having a preference, people who don't have fertility issues have preferences so why shouldn't we.

Ideally I would have liked three children, a boy and two girls or vice versa.  I would certainly love to have one of each.  My husband is desperate for a boy.  I would like a girl.  

I will be super happy with just one baby of either gender but I will always think about what I would have ideally liked and I know my husband will secretly be gutted if we never have a boy but not as gutted as if we never have a child and I think that is the way I will cope with it if that turns out to be the outcome of our ttc journey.


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## DollyBlueBags (Aug 5, 2014)

Don't feel bad......I want a girl and my husband wants twin girls! we dont want a boy!


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Nothing wrong with the way you feel at all, it's worth reminding ourselves we're human beings before we're infertile


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