# Feeling worse after counselling



## mrs_ss30 (Dec 4, 2012)

Yesterday was our first ever counselling session and it's actually left me feeling worse than ever.  Not because its brought any painful emotions to the surface but because ive been left feel cheated and angry.  Im sure others may find counselling a really helpful experience but for me i just found it completely pointless and an absolute waste of time.  I went in with an open mind and chatted quite openly about my feelings but, as lovely as the counsellor was, all she did was agree with me, almost like a friend would if we were chatting over a cup of tea or something!  I didnt think i had any expectations of the session but coming away from it i realise i must have done as i feel so angry that i feel absolutely no better for having put myself through it.  I know counsellors are only there to listen but if thats literally all they do how is it any different to say chatting to a close friend?  I thought she would at least challenge some of my thought processes and ask why im thinking that way and maybe suggest more constructive ways to deal with my thoughts and feelings!?!  The reason i made the appointment was because my brothers wife has recently fallen pregnant and ive found it the hardest news to cope with yet.  As i had to wait three weeks for the appointment id kind of got back on my feet on my own but after having the counselling session im back to feeling rubbish.  Im sure thats not how its supposed to work!!

Im sorry for the long, moaning post.  In all honesty i dont think it has any other purpose than to rant and get it off my chest.  I am wondering though what other peoples opinions/experiences are of it.  Am i alone in feeling like this

Xx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

many years ago i had counselling for an unrelated issue and had a similar experience, i came away angry and confused, having had expectations that i would get real practical help but having been told by the counsellor during the session that they were 'only allowed to listen'. i'm sure it helps many people but i think to get practical help rather than just a friendly ear you need to get help from a therapist who specialises in cbt or nlp or something as opposed to a counsellor.
so sorry you are in this situation. i found it very hard when my sister was pregnant with her second child. though it was strangely much easier after it was born. accepting a new family member seemed easy it stopped mattering whose it was. you may need to avoid them a bit til the pregnancy is over, just to make it a bit easier on yourself. x


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## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

Sorry you are feeling this way! I have had many issues with counsellors especially when a previous employer told me I had to have counselling as she didn't feel I had grieved for my baby!! She was a counsellor ans I had made it clear I was not a fan anyway to keep my job( and no I wouldn't ever be as stupid to believe someone can bully a person into counselling again) I did go! And I realised it was great! However it is like knickers you have to find the ones that fit!! I have seen three counsellors in total and two were as useful as a chocolate fireguard and didn't help however the other one was awesome! I cannot guarantee you counselling will ever work for you obviously but I do suggest that maybe try another one! And if you Google counselling techniques or therapy types try and be objective about the type of counsellor you think would work for you! I dislike psychotherapy for instance but think cognitive behaviour therapy is productive! Counselling in very individual and doesn't work for everyone!!
Good luck and big hugs, it's a tough journey! Lots of
love x


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## ScotchEgg (Nov 22, 2011)

I agree with the others - many years ago I approached my GP and was offered councelling when I wasn't dealing with the sudden death of a family member. I remember sitting in the counsellor's room while I told her stories and she sat there with a sympathetic look on her face but said nothing. It did nothing for me, I have a fantastic support network - like you I needed things I could use to help me cope not someone to talk to, I had plenty of those. It put me right off counselling and I swore I'd never bother again.

After our second failed IVF and with a lot of other things going on at work and at home, I contacted our work 'helpline' with bupa I think. They suggested counselling and my line manager set it up through work. It couldn't have been more different. It was incredibly hard but I had homework and was given lots to think about and it really helped me through a hard time. We also worked on some unresolved issues from before which I'd not been helped to deal with (I was quite young).

I wish I'd gone to a different counsellor when I needed it before and I'm glad I went to these sessions this time as it can make a difference. I would really advise trying again with another counsellor.

Good luck


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## Lucy708 (Dec 3, 2012)

Hi. I saw someone at the centre that l had IVF at and found it pretty useless and struggled to get appointments. I recently saw someone else who isn't a specialist in infertility and he has been a great help. They aren't there to just listen but to help you with your situation. It's also only your first session so may be worth sticking with it. There's only so much you can cover in an hour. Maybe some more sessions will give you the time to explore things in more depth.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

There are also many types of councilors and treatment.  I was sent for cognitive and behavioural therapy.  Luckily they team reassessed me on arrival ans suggested readjustment therapy instead.  Their view was my thoughts and behaviour was normal and justified given what I had been through.  I needed to readjust to the life I had been dealt.  Was really helpful for me x x


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## mrs_ss30 (Dec 4, 2012)

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply!!  I've got over it a little bit now - ranting on here really helped!!  

I don't think counselling is for me to be honest.  I did wonder if another counsellor would have been a better 'fit' but I agree with you frangipanii, I reckon I would have benefitted more from cognitive behaviour therapy.  I would have gone for that if I'd had the option but as I was referred by the NHS I didn't get the choice.  At least it was free.  I dread to think how I'd have felt if I'd have had to pay for a service I didn't rate  .

Goldbunny - I've already told my sister in law that I can't be around her at the minute and (I hope!) she understands.  I'm admit though, I'm gutted to do that.  I'm close to her and now on top of everything I'm being cheated out of that experience too.  

I suppose I should focus on the positives though.  At least counselling was a proactive step and my husband and I can say that we are doing everything we can to get ourselves through this incredibly difficult, emotionally draining and seemingly never ending journey!

xx


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## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

Yes you should  proud cos u are doing what u need to and as you say being proactive is crucial!!
Wish u all the best!!! Love and hugs for a successful recover and future journey!! X xxx


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