# Preparing for adoption journey...advice/experiences please!



## Evie777 (May 7, 2015)

Hello, 

Following 2 fresh ivf's and 1 frozen with the best outcome being a chemical, my husband and I have been discussing adoption. We always concidered this as a positive route we may come to during our quest to build a family. 

I've read a couple of books and pretty much every page on this forum, which has been really helpful and informative. We are going to an info session next week to see how it feels. 

We do feel that we need to tie up some lose ends before officially starting the journey. Aplogies if this is post is lenghty! 
Firstly,  some practical stuff. For example: 

- We have moved to a new area (about 40-1h) away from where we were. Will this be an issue in terms of support network?
- My parents moved back to my birth country recently having retired. Will this impact support network? 
- We are lucky to be able to live in my parent's uk home, which means more financial stability and more family time when they visit. Will this be regarded as ok?
- My last cycle was 6 months ago and my husband had a family berevement around the same time. I know we need some more time in this regard. 
- I'm looking for a new job. Of course, we wont start until I have been employed for some time. Is there a minimum time in employment before a sw will deam it secure?
- Small debts. These we will sort once I am working. 

And now for the more inner work stuff:

- I find that although going through the journey with hubby has shown us we are resilient, a team and love eachother deeply, the journey has been tough and has resulted in me feeling unhappy and creating some bumps. I guess I'm wondering, how do I get into a good, stable space emotionally, when what hurts is the inability to build a family. I don't mean biological...just that there seems to be so much to sort through before we begin the process, it can get me down. A bit of a catch 22? We have started to allocate some time to talk through our relationship/communication and another slot in the week to talk about adoption. 

- Support network...we have many lovely friends who have recently started families. This will be great in the future. However at present, I find get togethers with all couples either with little ones or pregnant quite hard to deal with...so how do I maintain these links, while trying to avoid these scenarios?? Catch 22? 

Apologies again for the long post. It feels like we won't be ready to start the process for another year or so maybe more...and concidering how long the process is...and not even knowing if we will get approved, I keep thinking we won't have a family for another 3-4 years...I know we are doing the right thing to get ourselves in the best place...but the thought of not having a family for so long does get me down...and impacts on me.

How did any of you lovely people deal with preparing for the process and how did you feel? I know the post is a bit random and appriciate any insight! 

Thanks  x

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## Thepinklady (Apr 16, 2014)

Welcome to these boards. You are doing the right thing asking these questions now so you have time to deal with them. Roughly what part of the country are you? I.e. England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland. The reason I ask this is to do with timings. You mentioned you thought the process can be lengthy. That can be true but depending on where you are it is not as lengthy as you might think. I believe the process is still quite lengthy in Scotland and Northern Ireland and you could be looking at 3-4 years before you have a family of you are successfully approved and matched. Hoever in England and I am not sure about Wales the process has speeded up considerably and many people appear to be approved within about 6 months of official application to the agency or local authority that they apply through. Many go on to be successfully matched within a further 3-6 months. Some do wait much longer but not everyone by any means. This may give you a little hope. 

Your support network seems ok. You will be asked to demonstrate that you have people who can support you. That does not have to be people who can be there to do practical tasks. Some of your support network will be people you can just lift the phone to for a chat. Your family while not near by you can demonstrate that you are close and would be there for you if things were very difficult. A good friend of mine adopted within a year of moving to a completely new city four hours away from any family and had just a small but strong local support network of a few friends. There was no issue with her support work.

Re. The debt as long as you can demonstrate how you are reducing it and that it is in control and not growing there should not be too many issues.

You may want to consider some some counselling this year to help regulate your emotions and feelings over all that has happened to you. This will be no means go against you and will in fact strengthen your case that you have taken positive steps towards dealing with any in finished issues. 

Go to the information session and speak directly to a social worker and lay these things out and ask them what  may or may not be an issue and take your lead from them as to what does or does not need dealt with. They will be able to advise you of time-scales that you could expect once you have made an official application.

All the best with your journey.


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