# is it normal to feel like this? *



## nandp (Sep 15, 2005)

My husband and I have been trying unsuccessfully for a baby (male factor) and have had various tests etc and are now waiting on a hospital referral for possibly icsi.

Since we have found out it has been v stressful etc and my husband has told his family and close friends.  While all this has been going on (approx 2 years now) his sister has had her 5th child and we have now found out that his friend's wife (who are coming to stay with us after christmas for a week) is pregnant with their 3rd child.

Is it normal to just want to run away and hide from all of this.  We are going to his sisters/parents etc this weekend and I am dreading it and we will also be visiting his friends who are coming up to see us in the New Year and I just feel like I will have to put this whole big happy face on when inside I just want to cry. Now that everyone knows our situation I feel like they are all speaking about us and I also know that people think im the one thats stopping us having children.  Is it normal to have all these emotional/stressed feelings.

I feel like I am always feeling sorry for myself and I am not normally like this at all.  xx


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

hi nandp and welcome to the site 

You are certainly not alone in how u feel with others around u who are pregnant and have kids - i do find myself avoiding people like friends, family etc as it makes me so upset at times as they have children and i dont.

I hope this site can offer u plenty of support and advice.

Kate xx​


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## ~debs~ (Nov 7, 2006)

Hi NandP

Welcome to FF, I'm sure you'll find this site very addictive and the ladies/gents to be very supportive.  You are certainly not alone in how you feel hun.  I find it very difficult to hear that other people are pg and we had a trainee at work last week who was pg.  I was awful and didn't speak to her all week, I felt really guilty afterwards.  It is very difficult for others who are not in the same situation to understand what you are going through.  Hope you manage to get through it ok.  Your friends on here will be around if you need to chat.

Take care  

Debbie xx


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## cleo31 (Sep 24, 2006)

Welcome to the site,

the feelings you have are completely natural. This fertility lark is not easy and its hard for other people to understand if they are not going throught it.

At the moment everyone around me is falling pregnant and i feel like i want to close my front door and not come out til i start ivf in may!  I find it so difficult to be around my best friends because they are pg.

I wish you the best of luck on your fertility journey. We're always here for you 


cleo xxxx


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## EmmaN (Nov 19, 2006)

I know exactly how you feel, I think we probably all do on this site.  I too have been trying for 2.5 years and within this time my sister fell pg within 2 months with her third child, mu cousin fell pg, my best friend fell pg with twins and she has two kids already and my other best freind who dosen't want kids had fallen pg.  I find it so hard to deal with, I can't help but feel jealous followed by guilt for feeling like this.  My two best friends have had abortions in the past and on a bad day I feel resentful, as I feel if there is a God why does he bless people with babies who have got rid of them in the past or don't want them. (I'm sorry I must sound evil) but as you can see you are not alone with these feelings. This is a great site to talk to people I have only been on here for a week, I just don't think anyone who isin't going through this can understand what it is like.
Take care and I wish you all the best of luck!
Luv
Emma


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Hi nandp 

You are perfectly normal!!  I thnk it is so difficult for other people to understand how it feels to not be able to have the one thing you covet above all else.

At the place I work in the HR department, I have to make appointments for maternity leave, paternity leave, and adoption applications.  Every time I take a call I always think why are they so lucky to have fallen pregnant when we have had 2 ICSIs and haven't even come close.

Take care and if you want to talk PM me.

Love,

Angiexxx


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## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Hi Nandp

your feelings are perfectly normal, a week after i was diagnosed with infertility i had to go and visit my in-laws abroad....my sister in law has just had a baby girl and of course she was the centre of attention (and rightly so) but for me it was a living hell. I had to hold,feed and play with the baby, push the pram, help prepare bottles etc,etc for ten days...nightmare! 

Of course i was thrilled to meet her especially as DH is also going to be godfather. But we had forewarned his family that we are going to have fertility treatment and didn't want to discuss it while we were on holiday. I have to say they were very sensitive and didn't mention it once (not usually their style! ).....they don't know about the DE thing only that we will need IVF. 

I did think they were talking about me at times but i am sure it was just me feeling over sensitive, people really wouldn't want to upset you and will only want to offer you support. I also felt people would judge me but at the end of the day all that matters is that you and DH are strong and support each other and like i just said i'm sure they won't pass judgement.....anyway who knows what goes on behind closed doors, they could have had similar problems.

Sending you lots of   , just keep smiling and hide in your room when you feel teary....i just said i needed a nap when i needed time out. I hope i haven't rambled too much 

Best wishes

Florie x


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Dear NandP
Welcome to FF and your new home and where you will feel right at home for having normal pg envy feelings, as you can tell from the flood of replies your post hits the spot for most people on here and that is why it is such a great place to spend time.  I have put a brave face on for 3 years and now most of my hopes and dreams and waiting patiently have evaporated because having a successful and healthy pg/baby with my old eggs is pretty remote (my second m/c was 3 years ago in Jan and after alternative remedies, clommid, and a failed IUI) now the consultant keeps talking about the age of my eggs (ok I am42 but he does not have to keep rubbing it in) but my glimmer of hope now is ED (egg donor abroad). I have been in a pretty dark place for the last couple of weeks but it is kind of liberating to start to tell a couple of people that I cannot put a brave face on anymore and most seem understanding although other what I thought were good friends have been avoiding me but I have also noticed that I start avoiding situations and places now and think I really have not helped my self but putting myself in places like toddler groups without a kid (mine just started school in sep) I realise I am so lucky to have the one I have as well but its only coming on here that has made me focus on what I do have instead of going on about what I don't have, although I still spend lots of time on here and still desparatley want another ad have seen all my friends and other mums have 2 and 3 kids.  You will find that this is your new home and kind of confessional for all sorts of feelings and emotions that you have and you will realise that you are not alone and on here a problem shared does not necessarily halve but it makes you feel better.
here is some        
and sending you some bubbles 
take care
susie


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## *Scooby* (Sep 16, 2006)

NandP

Believe me your feelings are totally normal.  We have found that whilst we are going down the ICSI path people around us are just falling pregnant at the drop of a hat, some I am pleased about others not so sure.

I am sure you will find this site helpful albeit a bit addictive at times.

Your not alone.      

Linda xxx


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## ~*mRsHoPe*~ (Jan 25, 2006)

Nandp
Firstly may I just say WELCOME TO FERTILITY FRIENDS
I am so sorry you have been through the mill so heres a cuddle  (hope it helps)! 
I am sure now you have found us, that like me you will never leave, the ladies and gents on here are full of support and information and are always at hand to offer a kind words of encouragment just when you need it.
I would like to say that all the feelings you are going through, are completely normal and to be honest I think we all feel like that from one time or another in our infertility journey.
Here are some links just to get you started.
STARTING OUT AND DIAGNOSIS
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=110.0
MALE FACTOR IN INFERTILITY
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=35.0
ICSI LADIES THREAD
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=31.0
COMPLIMENTARY THEREPIES BOARD (SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT)  
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=14.0
OUR FAB CHAT ROOM
*******************************************************
I hope these help you find your way around, I am sorry I cant advise you on your situation however we are all here whenever you just need 'a chat', just shout and I will try my best to help you.
Love and Best Wishes
XX MrsHope XX
​


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## pobby (Jun 2, 2005)

Hello love
sorry you have been feeling so  , as everyone has said, its all perfectly normal. Its torture to have to go and be happy for those close to you that have just had babies. Even when you know its the most happy thing in the world to have a baby, you just want it for you. Last year when i was doing my iui's (6 that all failed) i had 3 friends that all gave birth within a week around this time..agh!!
As time has gone by, especially lately I find myself being a bit more honest about my feelings. I found out a few days ago that my friend is pg with her first. i havent phoned her, only texted. maybe thats a bit mean but im past caring. I think people find it really hard to know what to say, they can only imagine how you feel. you will meet people who will say pretty tactless things but i genuinely dont think people mean any harm.
I hope you will find some comfort on ff, it really is fantastic. you will feel like youve come home!

love pobby xx


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