# I'm new and very low!



## Lilly Sioux (May 18, 2006)

Hi everyone,
Forgive me if my jargon isn't yet up to speed. I have been looking at this wonderful site for 2 weeks or so but stupidly felt it may in some way jinx me if I registered before I had an outcome.
I had et on 5th May - just had blood test today (v slightly early) but BFN. I was so sure (at times) that it would be BFP as had a lining of over 10mm a week before transfer and was told this was great and 5 grade 1 embryos with 3 transferred and 2 frozen. The embryologist said he'd be very surprised if this didn't end in a pregnancy!! All pos signs initially and now this. No AF as yet. Had a complete breakdown earlier this afternoon -now re focusing but will treat myself tonight to a large glass of wine as have been so good for so long. 
Have a wonderful man and a fabulous ds already (natural conception). So many of you seem to have coped with more. I have told no-one about all of this and I am dreading the brave face bit tomorrow.


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## Lou F ❁ (Feb 28, 2003)

Lilly Sioux
welcome to FF glad u found us am sure u will get loads of help and advice 
Sorry about your tx i know how hard it is nothing helps i know
enjoy your wine i still am and my last cycle went (.)(.) up 2 weeks ago
take care and big hugs
lol
Lou xx


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Lilly Sioux
I am so sorry about your BFN.  IVF can be so cruel because things can seem to be going so well and then the BFN comes along.  Take time to grieve and be good to yourself.  You will start feeling better in time, and then you can start thinking about those two lovely frozen embryos waiting for you... 

Best wishes

Ellie


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## weeble (Dec 5, 2005)

Welcome Lilly Sioux
Soooo sorry to hear about your cycle hun. Its so frustrating when everything is so perfect and yet it still fails. Im sure you will find lots of support on this site. 
You should pop into the chat room, the girls in there will help you through or cheer you up.
Love
Weeble xx


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## Lilly Sioux (May 18, 2006)

Thanks Lou
I just cried again but in a good way - that someone has taken the time to reply!! So thank you it means a lot! 
I'm trying to stay as positive as is humanly possible although think it's probably important to grieve too. I had 2 m/c last year too - and I know that I was almost fine at the time and then worse a few weeks on when reality had kicked in. 

Thanks again and hope you have more luck in the future too.

Thanks Ellie too - just picked up your reply. This helps me so much. Wish I had done this earlier.
Can't believe this support....thanks weeble....haven't yet posted this.
You are all so kind and giving me hope. My dh just came in to see me - to check I am OK and he too is amazed at this!

Lol Lilly Sioux


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## maria684 (May 12, 2006)

Hi Lilly Sioux

so sorry about your tx you deserve a big glass of wine or 2. I've only just joined this site and the support is fab, keep posting

take care
big hugs
Maria


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## weeble (Dec 5, 2005)

Hunny we all know what ya going through. It can make things a little easier if you can talk about it to people who understand. Your right though, you have to grieve, so give yourself some time and then hopefully you will come out the other side fighting.
As I said before, you will always be welcome in chat. So never feel alone. 
Love
Weeble xx

PS Although I cant actually get into chat at the moment.


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## kirsten1 (Apr 13, 2006)

Hi Lilly Sioux,

Sooo sorry to hear about your BFN. Most people on FF will know exactly how your feeling and will totally sympathise with how you feel.  I have been through a similar experience as you, this is my 5th attempt at ICSI and the last time we were certain that it had worked.  It was not to be and each time it fails a little bit of me dies inside.  That statement might sound a bit dramatic to anyone who has not experienced infertility but to most of us here, they can associate with it.

Keep your chip up and try and stay positive although I know it is very very hard.  

Take care and I hope you enjoy that wine!!

Love Kirst xx


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi

Just wanted to send you a message to say welcome to FF!  I'm really sorry about your BFN the rollercoaster that is IVF is really hard to take some days..  Take some time to get over this experience before you start again!

Take care Hun...

Amanda x


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

hi there and welcome to the site im sorry that u got a BFN - u will get lots of support on here

Kate


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## collymags (Jan 3, 2006)

hi Lilly Sioux

Just a wee not to say welcome home(thats what it feels like here, 'cos everyone is so supportive and accepting of each other)  sorry about your BFN, i got my 3rd one 9th may so know exactly how you feel as do most of the ladies here.  it really is a case of taking each day one at a time, keeping busy/distracted, and being kind to yourself and both of you as a couple.  i'm finding this time i'm having ok/bad/or crap days, but also know given time it does ease.

Also Kirstin1 i know what ye mean about feeling like with each failed attempt a piece of you dies, i'm feeling the way way, particularly as age is rapidly ganging up on me and dp and cutting down on our options.  

overall i have to say that FF is fantastic at being a lifeline. often i don't want to burden friends with discussing how low i am about it this way no one is being judgemental, nor am i overdosing friends on the subject.  take care all


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## Lilly Sioux (May 18, 2006)

Thanks everyone for your kind messages.
Didn't have a great night as you can imagine. That said, think I was a bit naive going into all this. I look at everyone else's experiences and so many of you have gone through so much. I feel a bit of a fraud that I am moaning so quickly. It's just I suppose that like all of you -I am sure- you are surrounded by girls who have no problems getting pregnant & I wonder why it's all gone wrong. I didn't think I would either! In fact got pregnant at 2nd time of trying. Then a gap for some very genuine reasons - lost my mother suddenly - moved house and then tried again and bingo! Sadly that ended in m/c. Tried again 3 mths later & then m/c again. So after tests etc decided  this was best option. I suppose I thought that given my 'ability' if you can call it that, to conceive, but not carry, then if nature was given the best helping hand, I would be OK. See how stupid I am!!! 
Naturally I am going through everything I did and didn't do looking for an answer. I know there aren't any really but surely someone /some expert knows some factors that can influence why some embies embed and some don't?? Maybe not a definitive answer just a guess

Anyway, I'm beginning to ramble.....

Maria my heart goes out to you. You are such a brave girl and I truly hope you are blessed one day soon. 
Thanks to Collymags, Amanda & Kate & Kirsten...doesn't sound dramatic to me ...something does die...I feel empty again now literally. I can't give up at the first failure (3rd?) can I? 

Well, you have all got me through the first 12 hrs or so! Anyone with any tips for me, please let me know. My clinic said 'carry on as normal' - I did rest far more than usual but had a really bad day & night with headaches which at the time I took as a good sign Now I wonder. 

Anyway, enough for now.
Thanks again

Lilly sioux


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## Fidget (Jan 27, 2005)

Lilly Sioux,

welcome to FF hunni and soooo sorry for yr recent BFN, This IF lark is cr*p and you will find lots of people here who will completely understand what yr going through every step of the way sweetie....

check out the rest of the boards and have a laugh and cry with everyone. if you need anything just shout and someone will always answer you


Debs
xxxxxxxx


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## maria684 (May 12, 2006)

Hi Lilly Sioux

Your definatley not a fraud just putting yourself through the IVF rollercoaster shows how strong you are.  I remember my 1st BFN i was totally devestated for days even weeks, you have also had a really tough time,  have some you time. I never imagined i would be starting tx again so soon after losing my boys but here i am and i'm having my last glasses of wine tonight.  I feel the same as you with talking to friends i think i'll overlaod them but on here its great you can just wafle away and i tend to do that a lot and you don't get judged or think people are just humouring you see i'm starting to waffle  .

take care
sending big hugs  
love Maria


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## Lilly Sioux (May 18, 2006)

Hi Maria

I'll have a glass of wine tonight too and toast you wishing you all the luck in the world! 

Love Lilly Sioux  x


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## kazzy44 (Oct 30, 2006)

Hi Lilly
Just wanted to say to you I think you are doing incredibly well. You have been through so much it's no wonder you are finding it so difficult. I was so sorry to hear about your last cycle of IVF especially since everything 'seemed' to be going so well. I have felt so very alone over the past few years trying to put a brave face on with friends and family. Now at least we can all find some comfort in eachother. Take care you and I shall keep my fingers crossed for you with your next treatment.
Kaz x


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