# Got a little worried when reading this?



## Chocolate Button (Jan 1, 2008)

I am reading this book " An Adoption Diary" by Maria James and I got a little worried when I read about some parts of the adoption process. She says that her and her husband were asked many questions together and then they were taken into a roms seperatly and asked more questions. Some of the questions were about their upbringing, education etc. There were also some that worried me a bit. They werre asked about their ex life, sexual needs and how they are met. They were also asked about their arguments and what was their last one about and how it was resolved. 
Is the homestudy like this do they ask us individually and such personal questions?
I am a little concerned as when I was a teenager I had depression due to a relationship break up and also during my IF TX I suffered from anxiety. I hve spoken to my GP who says he has no concerns over us adopting and can see absolutly no reason why we wouldn't be successful so he is not worried about this, but I am. I will discuss this with SW, but just wondered if anyone had had similar experiences and been ok?
I gues I am getting a bit nervous about the process. xx


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

reading this also CB so glad that you are asking the question!! 

I wait eagerly for those with wisdom


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## Chocolate Button (Jan 1, 2008)

Kirstyn Dit it worry you too?


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

we weren't asked queations that were too personal   we were asked about our relationship but nothing embarrasing, i would of been so   if they did ask though and i think dh would of gone crazy 

pam xx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

hi ladies

You do have one sessions where you talk alone however it is nothing to worry about and for us it was a session near the end of HS- no questions about our personal bedroom habits however they will talk about your past and present , relationships ect however this is covered in the questions you will get left to do as home work and then your SW will talk more about it in person and make notes, remember your SW needs to be able to write your form F (known also as PAR- Perspective adopters report)- youyr SW needs to be able to answer any question their manager asks them about you when the manager reads your form F

please dont let this worry you- they dont come into your home and Interrogate you SAS stylie! 

hugs

MEz
x


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

Don't want to go in to details for security reasons but, yes, we had sessions together and sessions separately and we got asked about pretty much every aspect of our lives. some was written homework, some was question sessions, some came as part of network or significant events diagrams - from childhood bullying to dealing with loss to, dealing with stress to our sex life.  We just answered the questions as best we could and understood that there were good reasons for all the questions - not only to confirm our 'story' and prepare us to how life would change with a child in it, but to catch out those with aspects in their lives that might not be good for traumatised children...eg those who lie through the process, those who would intentionally harm children or who think it is fine to do 'not nice things' things like perform odd sexual acts in front of children becaseu that's what their parent's did etc etc.

if you are genuine, open and have nothning to hide then you just answer things as best you can and admit to being shy about things/shocked etc.  in some ways your 'reaction' will guide the sw and will also give them a good indication of who you are inside.

Magenta x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Our question regarding our sex life was 'Is it normal?'  To which we replied 'As far as we know, we are both happy with it', the SW was more embarrassed than we were but that was all we were asked!

There is a bit in the homestudy about arguing and how you deal with it.  If you shout a lot this isn't going to be good for children who have been removed from homes where there was a lot of shouting.  Everyone argues at some point no matter how good your relationship but they need to know how you deal with it.

The individual meetings are to talk about your life and we were told they do them separately so people open up more, there may be something you wouldn't have thought of telling your partner about that you discuss but you could then tell them afterwards in private.  They need to know about meaningful relationships, not that you held hands with Billy when you were 5 at story time every day.  

The best thing to do is be honest and remember they need to know as much about you as possible so they can match you to the right children, if they get it wrong it can do so much damage to the children involved which is their first concern.

Honestly, reading about the process is scarier than actually doing it.
Good luck

OT x


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

it did scare me and I have been discussing questions such as "what was our last arguement" with dh! 

The thing that worried me the most was her issue with previous depression but it did come good for her eventually.

I think Old Timer is on the mark about reading being more scary than doing, or at least I hope so  

I am glad I have done some reading but now need to put the books down as I have gone into loopy mode!


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## Diz74 (Jan 1, 2007)

I also read that book and was preparing things in my head but we have just finished our HS and weren't asked anything about our sex life or how we resolve arguments!  We were asked about how we met, previous significant relationships (how they started, why they ended) etc. but nothing too personal.

Good luck with it and try not to worry.

Diz


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## Chocolate Button (Jan 1, 2008)

I can't thank you all enough for your replies. They really have help ease my nerves.  I guess it is the unknown that scares me, but you are righ what you say. I have nothing to hide and so I only need to tell the truth. 

Can I ask another wee question. How are your family involved in the process. Are they all interviewed, police checked etc?
My Mum is so keen to help us in anyway she can and I was just wondering what they may be asked to do.


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi

The only people that need to have CRB checks done are the people that you would leave your child/ren with while you wait for the adoption order (where you have full res for YOUR babies)

I have to say we only got DH parents checked and if we do it again i will get loads checked as both our Ref's fell preg (they both found out same day!) so would have had them done (they both have CRB's however they had to be done via our LA as they didnt court otherwise)

I have to say even though we havent left the children with anyone other then my inlaws it would have been very helpful to have someone who could pick DD up/drop off to nursery if i was ill or DS was ill (i am speaking from experiance!)

My MIL was a family ref for us as like your mum she wanted to help where she could.

xxx


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## Chocolate Button (Jan 1, 2008)

Thanks Mj thats good to know. I will remember that advice. 
I think it is disclosure Scotland checks here (I assume they are the same as CBRs). i already have one as I am a Child development officer at a council nursery and my Mun does too (she is a carer or adults with special needs), but like you say we will probably need them done again for LA.
It certainly has eased my nerves as we have no worries there. 
Daft queston I know but I take it once they are yours ( ) CBRs are not requireed for everyone involved in the future and it is your responsibility then.
I can't thank you for all your advice it makes such a difference.


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi

We had both sets of parents checked as they would be the only ones we would have left DS with before the adoption order.  In the end it has been my parents that have looked after him but it made it fair getting both done!  yes, once the AO is done its up to you 100% who you leave them with just as with birth children.

Next time I may get my SIL done instead of MIL/FIL as she will be more helpful/useful!

Good luck with your journey.
OT x


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## Chocolate Button (Jan 1, 2008)

Thanks old timer. I think I will take on board your comment about those who will be useful!!


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