# Delayed reaction to BFN - any advice please.



## Anners (Sep 26, 2007)

Firstly, I am so sorry to read of your recent BFNs.

I've been awol for a while, and really thought I was coping well with things.

As you can see from my profile, had a good go with a couple of attempts over the last six months, and then decided we were all through with TX and wanted to get back to 'normal'. 

Went into hiding from ex-colleagues, family etc for a good month after the last BFN, and after that was back in the saddle and really thought we were ready to move on. Felt almost liberated and in control for the first time in years. Hell, even went out and had some fun!

Now all has come crashing down around us.

Decided that life post-tx will obviously involve going back to work in a new career, expensive holidays, nice things, and general merriment. Went for an interview yesterday and brushed off my last 6 months of not working all too easily.

Today, I just cannot stop crying and feel so lost.(not helped by clinic finally calling with date for review with head honcho)

I'd love to hear if anyone has experienced the same and how you coped.

Thanks

Anners
xxx


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## hellibump (Sep 21, 2006)

i had bfn on 14th i am devastated our first cycle was funded by the pct my hubby had a vasectomy 15years ago aftwr the birth of his last child he has 6 from his previous marriage i am so angry one minute blaming him etc i cant talk to him i havent cried we were advised by the clinic to try again but we dont have the money ND THE BANKK WONT HELP  i amjust going through the motions so devastated 
Thinking of you


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## Anners (Sep 26, 2007)

Hellibump

So sorry to hear of your recent outcome. I can appreciate how devastated you must be feeling. As for not crying, I feel better today for having had a good old boo, but def wouldn't recommend waiting the two months I did for that release.

I think our bodies go into shock and I esp. remember that feeling after my first failure. Really thought we had MF diagnosed, so ICSI would fix that and we'd be having a baby in 9 months....little did I know that things were much more complicated.

I hope that you do have the chance to deal with your feelings when you are ready. Putting on a brave face gets you through, but I know from experience that it just hits you later like a nasty bolt from the blue, and perhaps when you're least expecting it.

Must be hard not to feel the way you do about your DH's children from his previous relationship. I just kept on looking for explanations and someone to blame...and started having the most irrational and unfair thoughts. Got me nowhere though, and I honestly could not have coped without the support of DH and his family.

Take care of yourself and I truly hope you find a way forward.

Anners
x


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## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Hi Anners

I just thought i would pop in, i thought i was the only person who was having a delayed reaction to my BFN! 

My husband and i had failed cycle of DE IVF in Oct last year....yes ages ago!! I thought it was going ok and we had got through it unscathed but my grief seems to have reared its ugly head again!  I feel like i am going crazy  

I have premature ovarian failure (early menopause) so our only option is to have donor egg IVF. Even though i was diagnosed almost 2 years ago i really think it has taken me this long to get my head around the diagnosis....never mind the BFN. 

I am now on a new HRT regime and starting to feel a lot better physically and in some aspects mentally but my marriage is really feeling the strain. My hubby is so supportive and really doesn't mind if we don't have children but i just feel like i want to run away and hide! I feel like a failure as a wife.

I don't feel i can face treatment again and don't think i have fully got used to the 'donor' issue.....we would have been having our baby this month if our treatment was successful. What makes this worse is that my SIL got pregnant (naturally) at the same time and has just given birth to a beautiful baby boy. It is so hard to be joyful when you feel so sad in your heart  

Anyway i'm sure i have waffled on enough....i feel reassured to know i'm not the only one struggling months down the line and maybe i'm not going as mad as i thought!!   

I really hope you are feeling better now and i hope you got that job!

Luv
Florie x 

P.S I also just had a big cry and feel a lot better for it


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