# I feel Desperate !!!!



## Worrywort (Apr 28, 2008)

Hi Girls - Hope you don't all mind me joining in on what for me is a desperate desperate day (and I know there are others in worse situations so feel sorry even writing this)
Have just started bleeding on day 12 of 2ww. Can't believe its failed again - this must be our 6th attempt I think at ICSI, I have stopped counting now! Me and DH suffer with low sperm count (low mobility) can't remember exact scores sorry - anyway we have got through to the 2ww wait each time even though I now seem to be producing few eggs - I've gone from 8 at my best to 3 the past 2 times, although each time I have been lucky enough to have 2 embies to put back - so what I produce so far has been good quality.
That doesn't make me feel any better now however given that my body seems to be rejecting them every time!!!
I have children from a previous relationship many, many years ago - won't bother you with the story but suffice to say he (my ex partner) didn't treat me very well in the end - am now with such a brilliant man and would love to share a child with him from the beginning - he is such a fab step dad - is that so wrong?
whats worse is my ex husband went on to 'sow his seed' left, right and centre (he sees none of his children) - that doesn't bother me really - its just the injustice of it all, although I am sure we all know situations like that.
I'm going on I know - its just my DH - he's still so positive it will happen one day - me I'm finding that very hard to believe at this moment !!!!
HELP! Is there anything we can do naturally to improve sperm mobility/count - we cant remember numbers but remember that his second test (a year ago now) was much improved and we have since had DH on vitamins and better diet to try and improve things naturally but get confused with what to try - is that possible?? will see my consultant to to discuss whether to have another try at ICSI - not sure if its possible to get a positive result after so many negs - has anyone else been through as many tries as this?
Just reaching out really - am still fairly new to this site and not sure where I fit in - I'd appreciate any help as feel so helpless !!!! xxxxxxx


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## kate28 (Jan 22, 2008)

no advice sorry but felt you needed a big hug

kate


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

so sorry to read this hun  sending you great big    have you tried posting on the male factors in infertilty board for advice on improving sperm quality ? here's the link

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=35.0

i hope you get some answers 

pam xx


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi hun, I had 3 negs and am 41 so not good ( have no children). I am thinking of trying again but in another clinic. Have you thought: get a consultation in another clinic, also have you had some immune testing done ( there are a few, some cheap some not , you can get some tests  done via your GP). 

Also accupuncture and chinese medecine helps many women (and men ) on this site.

Finnally, I try and count my blessings so far i.e I have a wonderful DH too. It helps to do that too.

Sorry I can't help more but sending you lots of     

Future Mummy


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## MelanieC (Apr 28, 2008)

Hello!
Sorry to hear your story, you really have been through it. Life just isnt fair is it, its always the way that people who dont seem that fussed about having/caring for their kids can just pop them out like flippin rabbits and the ones of us who desperately want a child dont get the chance! I was peaking to a lady on here the other day who has had 6 attempts with ICSI, I think she got a BFP on her 3rd attempt so I would definitely say keep at it, there is always hope. Also, re the sperm count, my DH has poor morphology and was advised to eat a couple of brazils a day which dramatically improved his count. Cheaper than all the vits and just as effective! worth a go! I wish you all the best with your quest you both really deserve a BFP and I am sure it will happen.
Take care
Mel xx


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## Worrywort (Apr 28, 2008)

Thanks Mel - although I have found this site helpful, i have felt abit 'lost' in it too if I am honest (I'm fairly new to it even though have been ttc for while now) it would be nice to feel like I belonged to a 'thread' of people but not sure how to do this or for instance how to stay in touch with you (thats if you want to?!) and please don't feel pressured to.
I have stayed off work (supposed to have been back Tuesday) as I'm such a mess at mo, didn't expect it to hit this hard this time as past couple of times I've 'zapped' back into shape pretty quickly - but this time it seems to feel so very helpless that I have totally lost faith.
DH is so much more positive than me but in general he is anyway whereas I am, if brutally honest with myself Miss Negative at the best of times! I am going from hysterical crying to well sobbing then I get busy for a few minutes, just doing something mundane like brushing my hair then the sobs break out again. I am going to do positive things like booking an appointment with my consultant and we were going to look into the diet thing as well - so thanks for the tip on Brazil nuts! It all helps! feels so weird as this is the one thing that I find hard to talk about with close family eg my mum and sis  - my sis understood at first then started talking and looking at me with the 'you're not going to keep on doing more and more IVF are you? kind of thing and her stance started to change to ' I think you should just accept what you have'. I do know what she means but it hurts she does not appear to understand - her DH has 2 kids form a previous relationship but she has been able to have 2 fab little boys with him - her DH had super charged sperm - which my mum delighted in telling me (to be fair this was before we knew we had problems) but god it hurts - it just hurts - sorry I'm rambling again..........
not sure when to go back to work - worry if I don't go back tomorrow it will look bad when I need more time off for treatment (thats if we have any - not likely to be any time soon anyway so not sure why I worry) but that said they just think I have a bug! its not a great place for understanding or 'confidence' where I work, I have to use holiday for treatment so it is diff - I have to put that 'plastic smile' on my face when I go back and pretend all is ok with the world!
Sorry - rambling again x thank you so much for advice though - really really appreciated x


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