# Not the right match again :(



## Rossi (Mar 18, 2007)

Sorry for the moan...  
Well DH and I are feeling it again. We turned down a potential match early last month and we have done the same again today  - this time it was more of a no than last time but it was still so very hard. Our social worker has been lovely about it and even when she discussed the potential link she wasn't sure herself and had even thought no herself to start with. 
I just can't ever imagine finding our forever family and I feel so down about it - it doesn't help that 2 of my closest friends have just had babies - to be honest i feel really lonely about it all.

Back to the waiting again.... 

Zoe x


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

hi sending you a big very understanding   

we also had to turn down a potential match today 

Not sure how far down the line you went? we went as far as seeing the child's ff and SW and have spent the last week thinking about it but for us there was an issue in regard to the contact that they wanted with the bf

It is very hard as we felt this littly could have been perfect for us if it wasn't for the contact but it does have to be right

Be reassured that that right match will come along and that they obviously see you as a couple who is desirable for the children they need to find parents for just the timing hasn't been right yet

I really do understand how you feel and I am right there with you so you are definitely not alone. My doc has just signed me off for a week due to a viral infection only really caused by stress! This is such a hard process and only those going through or who has gone through it can ever begin to understand! 

fingers crossed for a quick and successful link for us both xxxx


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## Guest (Aug 16, 2010)

Big ((hugs))

The waiting is hard, but your littly is out there somewhere and it is important for you all that you make the right decision for you at each stage.  

Bop


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## Rossi (Mar 18, 2007)

Thank you so much for your reply    - its really nice to hear from someone who understands - although friends and family try to they don't really if you know what I mean...
It sounds like you have been through a very emotional time   - it's so hard isn't it... Home study seems so easy now compared to this...  

At the end of the day it has to be right and if it isn't then you can't go ahead - it would be worse further down the line for everyone involved and most importantly the child. 

I hope you get a match that feels right really soon.   

Zoe x


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

thank u hun

yes it does have to be right and it is really hard to know if you are making the right decision at times but if there is a doubt then for us that is a no

I definately agree this is the hardest part so far! 

when we were going through hs we thought once we were approved it would be easy as at least we would know we would be parents it would just be when but HOW silly were we!!!!!!


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Ladies

Turning down a potential child is never easy but you do need to follow your gut instinct and if something isn't right then the match won't work long term and that would be devastating to everyone involved.

We turned down a child before we read DS's cpr and like you wondered whether we would find that right match and how it would feel.  When we read DS's we didn't have any sinking feelings other issues, in fact I spent a while trying to talk myself out of it out of worry that I'd get too attached and not through MP!!!

We have recently turned down another child but this week have read a cpr for a child that 'fits' just right with our family, gut instinct even stronger than with DS.  Now we just have to get through the rest of it!!

Waiting is hard, reading about the children that need homes is hard and turning a child down when all you want is a family is hard.  Be kind to yourselves, keep busy and know that you WILL find the right match and then all the waiting and heartache will fade.

OT x


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

what upset me so much was that the littly us perfect but they want us to have direct contact with gp's and we dont feel that is in the best interests of littly! sometimes it feels that it is so not what is right for the child that matters!!!!!


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

I'm sorry Zoe and Curlycat that you have to do this but as you've both said -you know what's right in your gut.
To have direct contact with gp's would be so, so hard, I can understand why that is not really something you want to take on or think good for the little one.


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## jan welshy (Jan 18, 2003)

Zoe, turning down a potential match is hard, I think harder than saying yes, because you do feel what if etc. We were turned down ourselves for 3 potential  matches, then we turned 2 down and then after sucha  long wait we were matched with our beautiful daughter - the right match IS OUT THERE JUST HANG IN BECAUSE IT SI SOOOOOO WORTH IT!
Take care and believe the right match is coming your way, beacuse it will!
L
Welshy


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## ❣Audrey (Aug 22, 2008)

Thinking of you xxx


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