# Feeling alone



## hedgehog17 (Jul 20, 2015)

Hi, all

I'm new to the board so apologies if I'm posting this in the wrong place.

I've decided to join the board to meet other people who might be in a similar situation to me, I don't want to feel alone anymore.

Basically, my husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year now, however, maybe not to the same extent as others, as I have psychlogical issues which make trying quite a difficult thing, maybe only once or twice a month. At the same time, my cycle has a history of irregularity, but the doctors can't do much at the moment because of my psychological issues. I am seeing a counsellor but it's in the very early stages. Hormonal tests came back low but they were unreliable. I tried to go back again this month but they couldn't fit me in on the necessary day and when I took ovulation tests, they said o hadn't ovulated, but then my period came.

I feel like everyone around me is pregnant. My neighbour (who describes herself as smugly pregnant), my best friend, my sister (who already has two children and got pregnant with her third straight away) to name but a few.

I feel so upset with myself because I want to be so happy for them, but I selfishly think "They must deserve it more because they can actually try properly. I don't deserve one and it's all my own fault because I can't just do what I need to do". I feel like a freak and I feel a lesser person, a lesser woman.

I wanted to meet other people so that I can learn not to feel this way anymore. I guess this isn't so much a question as a reaching out.

Thank you.


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

Hello Hedgehog17 and welcome to FertilityFriends.  

There are plenty of people here who have had similar experiences to you. Please do continue to post and seek support. 

Infertility can have a huge impact on our mental health. I also had a pre-existing condition and found that TTC had a dangerous effect on it: increasing obsessions and anxiety. When I miscarried (without even realising I was pregnant), I experienced mild psychotic blips as a result of the untreated anxiety and depression. It was a very scary time. The professionals involved in my fertility had very little awareness or sensitivity around mental health, which made it harder for me to prioritise that area of my wellbeing.

I eventually made the decision not to continue with TTC, but there are other options, such as counselling, medication, IVF/IUI and putting a robust plan in place to set limits of what is acceptable and what isn't. I now have an excellent GP who specialises in MH and my anxiety is beautifully managed. I think about how I feel right now, and I genuinely can't believe that I didn't put a stop to those years of trauma while TTC. My health is worth more to me now. <3 

Your health and wellbeing also matters.  I wonder if it would help to work on accepting yourself as you are? There are reasons for why you don't have sex as much as you feel you should. There are reasons why your cycle is irregular. You absolutely deserve to feel good about yourself. You are not a freak or a lesser person. We are all made in different ways, which can be a source of frustration or grief, but still: we are worthy of acceptance and love. 

It sounds like you have had a difficult time recently. Be kind to yourself and give yourself space to grieve. The way forward will become clearer with time. Xx


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## hedgehog17 (Jul 20, 2015)

Thank you Handstichedmum.

What is TTC? 

I still have hope, there'a a lot more that can be done. It's the feelings that I struggle to cope with, feelings of inferiority and guilt. Hopefully the counselling will help.

X


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## Natalie1402 (Jun 18, 2014)

TTC= trying to conceive 

Hope this help x


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## honeyd86 (Feb 28, 2015)

Hey hedgehog ....
There are plenty of us all going through the same thing but it's still hard and you do still feel alone even when you have your partner there with you. I also felt the same and affected our sex life hugely got to the point where didn't want to do it at all. But we are now going down the ivf route and I slowly feel like I'm getting back to myself. 
It's also very hard when people around you are pregnant I've know 10 women to get pregnant in the time we have been trying.... now thts jus ridiculous haha.... keep your chin up and keep pushing on thts all we can do   xxx


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## hedgehog17 (Jul 20, 2015)

Thanks for replying everyone.

I tried to count the amount of people I knew and I think it might be even more than 10! 2 alone this week...I go to church with a young congregation and a WI for young women, so there seems to be a new pregnant person every month! I guess that is what makes me feel even more like a freak. It's like the universe is shouting "it's so easy! Look at all of the women getting pregnant around you! You've just got to be more like them!"

And then when it is all. they. go. on. about. well, as you can see, I'm getting a bit resentful  I just wish they could be a bit more considerate, especially when they know full well my struggles. I feel most hurt by my sister's behaviour really...and then I wish I could be more graceful and content with my lot. We're going to New York soon and I'm thinking of going back to Uni for a change in career, because I can! My husband and I have so much I should be pleased about and grateful for, but this just hangs over me. As soon as I start to feel better about things, another person gets pregnant.


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## Eevee (Jun 24, 2015)

Hi hedgehog,

I know this is a quick message but just wanted to give my support and say that you're not alone.
If you ever want a chat or a vent turn just pop me a message.
We're all here for each other x


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