# LGBT TTC a family through a clinic donor



## Pilchardcat (Feb 1, 2003)

TTC a family through a clinic donor thread.


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## CookieSal (Jun 24, 2007)

I guess this will be us in a few months.  We have been told we have to have a counselling session where the donor info will be discussed but that there isn't really any point in booking this until I have the date for my op as things may change.  (presumably the available donors).  Impatient as ever I am eager to know how this works.  Do they ask you what you're looking for and give you some options?  How much choice do you have?  Do you then remain with the same donor throughout your treatment?  Anyone?


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## duff (May 26, 2006)

Hi Cookie,

I suppose it varies from clinic to clinic but, when we were at the Bridge, we used to get a choice of 2 or 3 sometimes.  Then, with the sperm shortages they started a "sperm share" scheme and we had to choose between about 6 fellas.


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## CookieSal (Jun 24, 2007)

Thanks for replying duff - how much information do you get given on each of the donors?


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## pem (Jan 10, 2007)

Hi cookie, 

My information is probably useless to you as I had clinic insems before the new rules. But the info we had was hair colour, eye colour, age, build, height and what they did for a job. It was a pretty weird thing really, I remember someone, I think it may have Mable, saying it's like internet dating for sperm!!! We had to be matched to one of us for all the physical characteristics. Don't know if it is still the same, have yout tried posting on the other dodnor sprem threads, the other ladies there might have some info for you!

Good Luck!!

Emma


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## blueytoo (Oct 5, 2003)

There is a massive shortage at the moment, even worse than last year so you only be offered one donor as I was this time round. 

I've used donor sperm before and after the rule changes and the info has always been the same, eye colour, hair colour, skin colour, build, job, age and whether they have proven fertility - the most important i think. You can also sometimes find out if they are CMV or Rhesus + or -.


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## CookieSal (Jun 24, 2007)

Hmmm, we'd best scale down our ideas LOL.  We don't really mind what we get but in our idealised minds we wanted to match basic colouring to Karen to try and get some of her characteristics.

Are the clinics doing anything to try and build up their "stocks" do you know? Well, not a lot we can do about it as we are stilllllll waiting for now    I am having my 2nd AF since going on the waiting list for my lap - praying that I don't have to wait more than 6 months or I may lose the plot!


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## blueytoo (Oct 5, 2003)

Unfortunately there is nothing the clinics can really do to build up stocks. The reason for the low availability is two fold and both down to the damn HFEA. Firstly, unlike the USA there is no option at all for donors (egg or sperm) to now remain anon after any child turns 18 and secondly since a few months ago all import licenses for sperm have not been allowed. The anon thing ended last April and supplies dwindled then as most donors don't ever wish to be known and now this year with all imports from the USA etc ended, we're left in this situation.


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## CookieSal (Jun 24, 2007)

It's not terribly encouraging.  Hope they have something for us when our time comes.


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## some1 (May 13, 2006)

Hello Cookiesal

I am interloping from the single women's thread - hope you don't mind me sticking my oar in !!

Like the others have said, the situation seems to really vary from clinic to clinic. 

I have had to wait a year for a donor at my clinic.  They didn't have any at all when I joined the waiting list, but stepped up their recruitment efforts and have 3 just coming out of quarantine and several more in quarantine.  The specialist nurse at the clinic matched me with the donor she thought most appropriate, but gave me basic info (i.e. height, eye/hair colour) for all 3.  I am really happy with her match (which is lucky at the other 2 would probably be no goes for me any way (one is CMV -ve (unlikely to be a possibility as I am +ve) and the other has 'restrictions' on how his sperm can be used - the nurse said this probably meant he was unwilling for it to be used for someone who is single).

When I agreed to the match she gave me lots of info about the donor (more than I expected!) - she read me a description he wrote of himself and his goodwill message to any resulting children (which was lovely!).  I am bulk buying this donor so I know I can use him for 7 treatments (again, every clinic does things differently though!)

Fingers crossed you get a match soon and your op goes well

Some1
x


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## CookieSal (Jun 24, 2007)

Thanks Some1, will keep my fingers crossed.  Once we have our counselling appointment, I guess we will get a better idea of the availability.  The clinic didn't give us any indication that they may not be able to provide anyone - it was more a case of not having a huge choice!


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## Donna 101 (Jul 26, 2007)

Hi

We have just picked our donor and we had a choice from 4 donors, 2 not compatable so that was cut down to 2.  You have very little info about the donor, height, build, eye and hair colour, blood group, job and interests.  You also get told how many pregnancies they have acheived.

Donna


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## blueytoo (Oct 5, 2003)

CookieSal said:


> Thanks Some1, will keep my fingers crossed. Once we have our counselling appointment, I guess we will get a better idea of the availability. The clinic didn't give us any indication that they may not be able to provide anyone - it was more a case of not having a huge choice!


Of course if you're using one of the smaller fertility units as pretty much everyone on here seems to be except for me, then you will have a bit more choice! My unit is the second biggest in terms of patient numbers and the clinic with the second highest success rates in the country and therefore they obviously run out more quickly.

With this clinic I had the choice of 6 donors the first time, 4 the second time, 2 the third time and just one donor this time. With my previous clinic (who allegedly have the biggest sperm bank in the UK) I had a choice from 4 donors, 4 donors and 2 donors.

Pretty much it seems if you are not using one of the top 5 units in the country then you will have some choice but perhaps more limited than it used to be.


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## CookieSal (Jun 24, 2007)

Oh right, I see.  I guess it's something that I will have to wait and see then.  

I think I'll be so excited to finally get to that stage that I won't be too fussy!!  I just want to fastforward time at the moment.


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## nickidee (Sep 16, 2007)

I think I am probably a bit late coming to this thread, but I thought that I would share our experience of using clinic donors.
My partner and I started off thinking that certain things would be important to us, such as matching eye colour, skin tone, hair colour etc. However, this was soon thrown out of the window when none of the available donors had blue eyes. What we ended up classifying as important was what the donor had listed as their interests. We wanted someone who was creative and showed the type of interests that we shared and valued in others. We also looked for proven fertility. I really liked the fact that our chosen donor had a pen sketch, too, so that our child(ren) could learn about the donor if they were interested in doing so when age appropriate.
We used the same donor for 3 IUI cycles and wanted to use him for this IVF cycle. We were both gutted when we found out that he was no longer available - I believe because of his success rate. That said, our clinic recommend that you use a different donor if you have gone 3 cycles with the same one and not got pregnant. 
We therefore had to choose another donor and even though there was a blue eyed donor available, our priorities had changed and we once again chose one on the basis of his interests and the fact that he had proven fertility. 
Our clinic were very good in matching us with a suitable donor. We were given 3 choices the first time and there was a clear winner as far as we were concerned. The second time, we were given 3 to choose from but none of them felt right - I think in part because we had become quite emotionally attached to the first donor. We therefore really clarified what our priorities were and they found our current donor.


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## rosypie (Feb 1, 2007)

Our donor had a pen sketch too. We were offered 2 at the time and this was pre law change, but this had no bearing on our choosing him: I just thought the pen sketch was a nice bonus. Anyway we got our BFP on the second go and after our son was born I went back to the clinic to get the pen sketch and it turned out to be a list of adjectives chosen by the donor to describe himself - pretty crap ones too and not even written in a sentence. I was expecting a (possibly handwritten) paragraph that would tell us something interesting about him or why he was donating or his favourite food - anything. What we actually got was a printout of the donor attributes (which we already knew) with an additional field at the bottom called 'pen sketch'. The contents consisted of 5 words and 4 commas, typed of course... like I said, it had no bearing on our choice of donor but, having thought we were to receive something substantial, it was a bit disappointing.

So, just in case a pen sketch is a deciding factor for anyone, it might be worth checking exactly what is meant.


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