# When do you give up?



## teenasparkle (Jun 5, 2006)

Firstly, hi and hugs to all of you. Even though its not registering at least we're not alone.........

So I got confirmation of my BFN this morning and I don't know what to do next. Before I had the transfer I got told by my endo consultant that we'd be looking at 2 more years on zoladex and then a hysterctomy. My endo couldn't be any worse as I'm housebound and in chronic pain all over as a result, so they thought a hyst would be the answer.

The thing is I can't give up on my baby - when I close my eyes I feel like shes here, I've imagined her till she was 17 (don't ask me why shes a she - thats what my hypnotherapy came up with!) we decided on her room, her toys, her school. She couldn't have been more real - one day shes there and the next shes gone. How do I give up on that? And then I look at the state of me and think, maybe I have to draw the line........

We all feel the same - if you've never been pregnant, not only are we grieving our lost child but we're also hating ourselves for being so defective. I've been having every symptom under the sun (obviously a result of the drugs) don't think I haven't thought of just taking them to 'feel pregnant' just a bit longer. No one knows how we feel. I've never smoked, hardly ever drunk, never taken drugs, had first sex at 21 because I was so scared of getting pregnant, always eaten really well............what the hell have I done wrong? 

Sorry for the rant but yesterday I had my husband here to talk to and now I'm here on my own with only the TV for company. We really want to have another go and we're thinking of changing to the ARGC - but then you wonder if its better sticking to who knows you.............I couldn't feel more empty at the moment.

Love to you all,
Tina xx


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## aussiegirl (Oct 20, 2004)

Hi Tina,

I have just read your email and just wanted to say hi and to send you lots of    I'm so sorry for your BFN and for the effect endo has on your life. I to have endo but as i have come to realise from the endo thread i'm pretty "lucky" in that the main symptom of it is infertility rather than pain. You are NOT a defect. We have no control on why our bodies have developed endo - to be honest its just pure bad luck.   I also have not smoked , taken drugs etc and didn't have sex till i was 21 and then got paranoid each time i did incase i fell pregnant- if only i knew back then i could have saved myself lots of worries. 
I don't know when will be the right time to give up but i know i don't want my whole life to be infertility. You will have to decide what is right for you and your dh for both your physical health but also for your relationship. 
Its hard to know what to say in these situations but i'm thinking of you and just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in all of this  
take care
Love 
Andrea x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Tina so sorry to read your post hun,    only YOU can decide whether it's time to call it a day with tx. if you and your dh both feel you can cope with more tx then i say go for it otherwise you could spend your whole life wondering what if

good luck hun  

pam xx


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## sugary (Feb 17, 2006)

Hi Tina
So sorry to hear you are feling so down. All I can say is this, if you think there's a chance you may look back in ten years and wish you'd given it another go then do it. No one can tell you to quite only you know if if its right for you to go on an if that means you have ten more go's then go for it sweetheart. Endo is a b*stard of a disease I'd didn't know I had it either and it makes me so mad and makes me feel I should have done something to prevent it, but its hear now and we all have to look at where we are today. I have afriend with endo who's had 5 ivf's and I thing she's having another go soon.
i wish you luck and peace with whatever you decide
sugary
xxxx


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## TJSK (Dec 2, 2004)

hi tina,

all i can say to you is only you will know when the time is right for calling it a day, it wont be an easy decision to come too as your well aware off. maybe you just need some me time and some time out? i too have severe endo and it has ruined my life and i too think about when do i give up!! 

goodluck!!!

tracey xx


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## x shye x (Jan 24, 2006)

Oh hunny dont beat yourself up its so easy and more understanding to blame yourself rather than have no answers so we look for answers like if only ....... i wish i would have  and if i had not of done that............. sweetie u have done nothing wrong apart from live your life the way we all do and nature has a cruel way about it at times and life is very unfair when we so desperately want something so natural and we cant have it but i do believe that everyone has there day and there turn and one day you will have yours.  Never give up hope if its wat u really want dont be defeated by anything or anyone      stay positive.

Give yourself some time out hunny until u feel strong enough cause all the emotions your feeling i still experience myself and its on a daily thing and it takes me up and down and drains u of everything just keep thinkin I WILL HAVE A BABY I KNOW I WILL ITS JUST NOT MENT TO BE RIGHT NOW dont forget negativity breeds nagativity.

I hope it has helped a little dont be hard on yourself.

Loads of love shye xxxxxxxxxx


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## teenasparkle (Jun 5, 2006)

I just wanted to say thank you for your words of support.........I'm out of my misery now and on the next treadmill! The hysterectomy will be happening but definately not for sometime in the next year, which gives me a window - a small window but a window all the same!!!

I'm changing to the Lister and seeing the immune guy and have our first appointment next month. The other piece of information that we got (after second appointment at Zita West) was that you can get a normal sperm test but it can still contribute to things like implantion because the hospitals don't do proper sperm testing - I think that that should interest everyone! So we've had one done their and get the results on Friday. 

Thank you again so much and I'm wishing you all the best of luck - heres to lucky 2007!!!

Tina xxx


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## sugary (Feb 17, 2006)

Hi Tina
So glad to hear you are feeling better and are ready to have another go. Let's hope 2007 brings us all BFP's. Here's to the Endo girls.... we deserve some luck!
Hope the sperm results are good, that's v interesting.
Take care and let us know how you get on.
Sugary
xxxx.


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## *Bev* (Dec 20, 2005)

Hi

Just saw your post and wanted to wish you all the best in ttc before your hysterectomy.  I was told I would never get pregnant due to my endo and that I should just have a hysterectomy and be done with it  ..... I had my baby boy in September..... please don't give up hope.... 

Thinking of you

Bev xx


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