# Slowly Giving Up



## xxxwendxxx (Jul 23, 2005)

Hiya 

      Girls

I feel i need to share this with you all  

Ive got to the point know where im slowly giving up on ttc .

I was diagnosed with pcos about 6 monthes back but i was having trouble ttc way before i was diagnosed i went to see my gyno and she stated she knew i was having trouble ttc but she would not put me on clomid the only help she would give me is putting me on met for my weight .

My weight is slowly going down but then a couple of week ago i was diagnosed has a diabetic of which my doc have stated that the only way they can treat my bg is by keeping me on the met she also noticed my bp is really high and they have noticed everytime i go in and have it check but yet again they wont prescribed me with anything .

I feel has though i am lost has my doc or gyno dont seem to be intrested in me .

It really does effect me and i just feel has though i just want to sit and cry.

I know i havent waited long enough for the help but i feel has though every treatment i suggest the doc or gyno just say no .

Today i have found out that my SIL is 3 monthes preggers and i just felt my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach .

Of course im happy for her but i also feel jealous at the same time .

I thought to myself why is it never me .

Ive started to feel depressed and just do nothing around the house .

Ive also started to think im better of not been here , it puts pressure on my husband and i feel has though i might has well give up on the whole ttc part has its not getting me anywhere i feel that depressed im thinking to myself my husband is better of with out me has i cant give him what he wants .

I just feel alone and empty all the time and it wont go away .

Anyway i going to go now ive  had a rant else i could sit and type all night whilst sobbing .

Thanks for listening 

wendy
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

wendy first of all big  coming your way x

We have all been in the same situation at one time and do understand where you are coming from and how you are feeling.
I too have in the past had many days where i have told my wonderful dh he would be better off with someone else! His reply is always he doesnt want anyone else , he just wanted the old me back 

I have pcos too and a weight problem. I have had several lots of clomid in the past and my weight was never mentioned! I think it depends on your gp as to their view on it. I have also been on metformin for quite a long time now and am likely to stay on it for the rest of my life as we have diabetes in every generation of my family on both sides.
My suggestion to you would be to see a different doctor at your gp surgery and dont take no for an answer!
I dont see any reason why they cant prescribe clomid if all they are saying they wont give it to you is a weight issue.
Sometimes we do have to make ourselves heard! and its not easy but well worth it 

 and lots of hugs to you

love
suzie xx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Wendy
It sounds as if you are facing a number of issues. I am sure that you do not know the woods from the trees at the moment.
I am with Suzie, that maybe it would be advisable for you to go and get a second opinion. Especially if you have high blood pressure and being a newly diagnosed dietbetic. To be honest it is really poor management, because you need to be educated on your diabetes. Also to be referred to a dietician, on your change of diet, also to help with the manangement of your blood pressure and blood glucose monitoring. All this goes hand in hand. Once you get this addressed, things might settle down alittle.
Maybe also if you go for a second opinion, you can discuss about clomid with another doctor. Who is alot more empathetic about your situation.
As far as your hubby is concerned. I am sure he is nothing but worried about you and that you are his main concern. Thats the sadness and issues that come with IF, it definately gets you to look at everything. Also it brings about a lot of doubts. But if you can get through this, you will find that he will be your best friend and vice versa. I am sure he also feels your pain and he must be really worried about you.
Try and keep in there....
lots of love astridxxx


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## ks123 (Nov 27, 2005)

Hi Wendy

Have your tx clinic offered you the opportunity to see an IF counsellor? If so it may be a good idea to go and talk to her/him to help you through this time. I've been to my clinic's IF counsellor a few times now and she has really helped me through the bleakest time when I felt much like you do at the moment. 

And I agree with the Astrid and Suzie, definitely get a second opinion and try and see another GP.

Love
Katherine


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Wendy
I am with Katherine concerning seeing a counsellor...have you thought about seeking one..They certainly have their place and to be honest if i hadn't seen you one, i would have lost the plot years ago...
Take care
love astridxx


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi Wendy,

I'm sorry you're in this dark place just now. I understand it can be soooooo hard to force yourself back out of it again.

I'm pasting this thread which you may find useful

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,50342.0.html

If you scroll down to the first posting by me - you'll see my story and it might give you some hope that there will be light at the end of the tunnel (as in, pulling yourself back out of a depression) but it wont happen overnight.

I hope you find it helps you a little,
Good luck,
Love Gill x


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## lucysmith (Oct 12, 2004)

Dear Wendy,

I would definitely try and see another doctor to see if they can be more helpful. Sometimes it helps if these medical people are a bit more sympathetic and explain things better! Maybe you could use this as an opportunity to do something for yourself. Just think, if you got your diabetes under control and lost a bit of weight you might then have many more options open to you.

It seems you are stuck in a catch 22 situation and there are too many things to worry about at the moment which might be what's getting you down. You need to deal with them all one at a time in the right order. First get some advice on whether a change of diet would help the blood pressure and diabetes, then don't pressure yourself or set yourself difficult targets. Just take it a day at a time. Put it this way, you are not feeling good about things now so there has to be some things you can do to change that. 

I am sure your husband is probably really upset at seeing you so low. Perhaps you can find ways of him helping you. For example, you could cook some really nice healthy romantic food together or go for some walks together, or take up a new hobby together?? Don't give up all hope yet!

Hope that you work out a way to move forward.

   

Lucy
x


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