# 1st IVF - BFN



## Kez29 (Jun 30, 2007)

Hello

Ive just had my first free NHS of IVF at Ocean Suite Plymouth and it failed , started AF on day 11 after transfer which was Tues..I am absolutely devastated, my heart is breaking, the pain is horrendous as you all understand, does it get better?? i knew in my heart it hadnt worked because I felt nothing but the devastation of it failing i just cant explain as you all know, but please tell me it gets easier? I just cant shake it off and Im normally so strong. Ive had to be. I feel like ive failed all over again, 4 ectopics in 3 years and then lost my mum this year and now this and I feel like I cant cope with much more . Please tell me it gets easier?? 

I want to try again but i think a break is needed but i really dont know whether to go back to Ocean Suite or not - 1 cos of the cost and 2 cos I dont think they have a best success rate, anyone whos had tx there do  know what the rate is? i cant remember, to be honest they havent told me much at all, i feel its all been a little rushed but the nurses and my consultant was lovely and that is one reason I would like to stay but its all about having a baby at the end of it and the best care right The trouble is the money really, we said we would do 3 goes max including free on but its so expensive over here. We can get a loan but ive been researching abroad and its cheaper and you even get a stay there (a little break) for cheaper than the treatment here and im really thinking about that next cos of the success rates being higher too.. Anyone done abroad?? Would really appreciate some advice right now from anyone, im in total limbo, wont get a follow up for weeks yet.. Also cos ive had 4 ectopics i always conceived quickly but maybe I should get things checked out before we proceed?? maybe a hysterocopy (sp!?) to check my womb etc? im so scared something could be wrong now - or maybe im just looking for excuses cos its failed and reasons?? 

Ive had 2 salpingetcomys where they check inside last one being last november so surely they would have said if anything was wrong ?? or from the scans?

So sorry this is such a long post - im heartbroken and looking for answers which i know probably wont get ever - I need to try again, i feel at a loss with nothing to look forward  to if I dont..

Thank anyone who replies

Kez x


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## hrq (Aug 29, 2007)

Hi Kez,

Really sorry you're having such a bad time. Lots of us here understand what you're feeling, sometimes it helps to know that you're not the only one. 
I haven't really got answers to your questions, but wanted to wish you well for the future.
Take care of yourself, and give yourself some time to be sad,
H x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

awwwww i'm so sorry hun  it does get easier you need time to grieve though so just take one day at a time and don't put the pressure of making decisions on yourself you'll know when you feel ready to try again  

pam xx


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## *Lollipop* (Feb 1, 2007)

Dear kez - just wanted to send you lots of  ....Life is so unfair sometimes, it is a difficult time for you and dh, It does take time and it is a grieving process but you will come through this. I myself got a BFN on 31st of Oct after our 2nd Cycle of ICSI. You think to yourself will i ever stop crying but you will find strength again. What i will say is that if you have lost faith in yr clinic then maybe it might make sense to look around.. I know this time we have decided to change clinics and you will find a lot of people do change clinics on here for one reason or another.. Anyway Kez just be there for each other. I really wish you all the very best of luck with everything in the future whatever you decide to do.....Take extra special care.....Gabxxxxxxxx


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## jazzyminky (Jan 29, 2006)

Hi Kez

I usually post on an IUI board but was having a read trough and just had to reply to you. Please believe Gabrielle and the others when they say that there are so many of us who understand exactly what you are going through and are here for you...night or day...good days or bad...rain or shine. I am sure that you are feeling in the bad/rain camp at the moment but all I can say is hang on in there and keep your focus. Remember what you are aiming for and remember that you have a wonderful DH and also all the amazing women (and some men !) on this site...and trust me they are truly amazing, they can make you smile even in your very darkest hour.

You sound like you have had a completely awful time of it and I am so sorry that it was a BFN for you this time. I think that Gabrielle is right that if you don't have faith in your clinic then try somewhere else. It will get easier and you will get stronger over time, look how amazing you have been to get through what you have already been through, you are an inspiration  . I have had 6 failed goes at IUI and am about to start IVF in December. Each go of IUI did get easier and whilst there is that gut wrenching heart trampling (generally it just sucks   ) moment when in your heart you kind of know it hasn't worked but you take the test and close your eyes and just pray that your mind has been playing tricks until that awful single line appears, you do learn (or just survive) at becoming stronger and realising that tomorrow is another day and that is going to be a sunnier one.

My heart absolutely goes out to you as I am sure it does for anyone that reads your increadibly moving post. Anything you want Kez you just shout because one of the beautiful and kind people that post will be there for you.

Be strong hun and keep your focus, I have got a warm and fuzzy feeling about you and just know that you are going to make it.....and don't mess with me, I am usually right    

Massive hugs and positive thoughts to you  

Loads of love

Jazzy xxxxxxx


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## mrspotter1971 (Nov 10, 2007)

Hi Kez

We're also being treated by the Ocean Suite and have just attended the seminar prior to the first phase of our free NHS treatment.  So we're a few steps behind you.  

From memory, and their dates only went up to the end of 2005, their success rate at age 35 was about 30%. I'm not sure how this rates with the rest of the country.

You mentioned the hsytogram (I can't even remember the full name) which I had to undergo before getting this far due to major surgery in 97.  It was painless and the staff were great as I have found them to be all along.  Fortunately they found no blockages or anything wrong with my one remaining ovary and tube.  So on we went to the next step.  It does feel a bit like a conveyer belt with limited information given but I guess we just numbly plod on hoping for the best possible outcome.

I start the drugs just after Christmas and we're booked in for egg transfer on the 4th Feb.  I'm terrified it won't work and am finding it very difficult to be positive but i'm thinking thats what everyone goes through.  I suppose i'm still a little bit numb to it all (not really believing we've got this far).  

I'm sorry it didn't work for you first time, have they given you any idea of the cost from now on?  I haven't been much help but it sometimes help to know you're not the only one out there going through this.  

We're in Saltash, whereabouts are you?

Take care

Ali


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## Kez29 (Jun 30, 2007)

I just wanted to say a big thankyou to everyone who replied - thankyou all so much. I do feel a bit better now a few weeks have passed and have my follow up appointment today so hope to get some feedback.

Thanks again everyone - xxxxxx

Ali - thanks for your post, I have PM'd you. I am in Plymouth, hope to chat soon

Kez xxxxx


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