# Infertility over 40



## dollyzx (May 7, 2003)

Hi am new to site which Ifound in desperate search for support.I'm normally bouncy & upbeat,but sinking & flat just now.I'm nearly 42,failure to concieve over 2yrs,no cause found,am taking Clomid,though no ovulation probs found.
Had felt I'd just have to accept that age was against me & move on.Not so easy!Have had awful few weeks,3 friends in 40's pregnant,first attempt!Feel useless,isolated & very low.Trying to avoid baby related areas impossible as work with children!
Anyone similar experience?


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## Flo (Jul 2, 2002)

Hi Dolly,

I am glad you have found us and hope that we can offer you some of the support you are looking for. There is nothing worse than being surrounded by PG friends and babies when you are desperately trying to conceive - and boy, do they seem to come out of the woodwork at a time like this!

There are quite a few of us on the site who are 'mature' and hopefully some of our stories will help you to regain a little hope - I suspect you will be hearing from several girls over the next few days.

Now you have found us you will wonder how you ever coped without us!!!!!!!!!!!


Take care,
Flo
x


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## dollyzx (May 7, 2003)

Hi Flo
It was great to see your reply,makes me feel less isolated already!!!!!!
Hope all goes well for youxxxx


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## Fletch (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Dolly,

I am of the more mature variety also - I have to say I drew great comfort from a documentary which was on the other week where a 57 year old woman successfully had a baby as a result of fertility treatment. If she can do it then so can we!!!!!

Love Fletch xx


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## andreaGe (Nov 20, 2002)

Hi Dolly,
are you considering treatment? 
I did ask my doctor directly if I should give up because of my age. I was told I still had a very good chance and should continue. Yes, women over 38 are a lot less likely to be able to carry a baby full term but it happens. Good luck Andrea


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## dollyzx (May 7, 2003)

Thanks for your message Andrea
I'm at the stage of where do we go from here?Still on clomid,options seem to be either embark on a course of more invasive treatments(I'm very concerned re my age,costs-emotionally & financially and lowsuccess rate,could I face more disappointment?)I know the other option is to accept this isn't going to happen for us-an equally scarey prospect!!I really admire you being brave enough to face treatment and cross my fingers for your success
Love Dolly


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## sarahE (May 30, 2002)

Dolly,

I am soon 40 and fell pregnant after my first go from IVF.
I know the rates are lower for those over 38 but it is NOT impossible.

Please do consider IVF if you can possibly give it a go. I know it is not cheap but if you do not have at least one go you might always be thinking ... what if ... and possibly regreting not trying. That is how I felt. I decided that I would only giveup after trying IVF. (We would not consider donor egg or adoption. It was either with our own or having to then accept not at all).

I tried for nearly 2 yrs to get pregnant in my 2nd relationship, had 2 miscarriages and convinced myself that I was never likely to have a baby. I finally plucked up the courage to have a go at IVF, got referred I am now very luckily, nearly 26 wks pregnant ! It could happen to you !

I wish you luck whatever you decide to do.

Regards,
Sarah


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## dollyzx (May 7, 2003)

I saw the documentry too,fletch.She was a lovely lady,but I found it a little scarey that I may still be chasing a dream in my 50's.For me I feel it's decision time-treatment/no treatment.If we embark on treatment how far & for how long?It's a difficult decision.Are you having treatment?
Good luck Dolly


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## dollyzx (May 7, 2003)

Thanks for sharing your story Sarah.I'm concerned that at 42 clinics may insist on donor eggs for IVF,has anyone any experience of this?Goodluck with your prg
Dollyxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Flo (Jul 2, 2002)

Dolly,
I doubt clinics would insist on donor eggs at least until they had carried out a few more investigations, for example checking your fsh levels.

Last February, donor eggs were suggested to me after my first ICSI failed. I was not satisfied that adequate investigations had been carried out and I dug my heels in, hard! 
Exactly a year later and after two further unsuccessful ICSIs, my husband and I conceived naturally. I SO want to blow raspberries in that consultant's face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would agree with Jac's comment that it is important to be realistic, however I also believe that you should take this as far as you feel you need to. It is not up to the consultants, it is up to you two. I also appreciate your concerns about setting out into the unknown but I think you reach a point where self-preservation takes over and you know it is time to call it a day.
I am not sure whether your Clomid was prescribed by your GP or by a consultant; you would have nothing to lose by asking your GP to refer you, at least to allow yourself the chance to look into the possiblity of treatment, without committing yourself to anything.
and of course you can keep asking questions here!!

Keep in touch, 
Flo


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## dollyzx (May 7, 2003)

Thanks for your reply Flo,I am trying to be realistic and had almost decided to say it wasn't meant to be & leave things to nature.However I feel maybe I'll always wonder what if?I'm seeing consultant at local hospital,thinking of asking for referral to clinic to realistically discuss options & make bast decision for us.
Dolly


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## Grace (Feb 4, 2003)

Dolly,
I've replied to you on one of the other threads too - but just wanted to add that I did not find IVF treatment to be as invasive/difficult as I was expecting. I was pleasantly suprised by the drugs - no side effects, and actually felt a bit better on one them! 
The decision is entirely yours - but I would say give it one go at least - hopefully it will work but at least you can decide whether it is for you or not. Also - IVF is a good way of investigating your fertility further. 
As for donor eggs - this is not a forgone conclusion. Your age is not always an accurate prediction of fertility. 
Take care,
Grace xx


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## Fee (May 8, 2003)

Hi Dolly
I've found this thread a bit late - but I was looking for adivce too.
I'm 40 and have just had a -ve result on my first IVF. Everything went well - lots of eggs, 9 fertilised - 2 put back - good lining - but they just didn't implant. Not sure why?
I'm wondering now whether to call it quits and say it wasn't to be - or to go for another treatment. Like Grace I found the sniffing and stimming not too bad at all. Had bad af pains all the way through the 2ww, and wonder now if it was the cyclogest - so I wasn't symptom free - but it wasn't too bad - and I do feel that we tried everything. I think if you can look back and say you gave it your best shot that is a help.

But also now I'm thinking - should we give it one more go

So interested to hear what over 40+ ladies think!

Fee xx


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## dollyzx (May 7, 2003)

Dear Fee,thanks for your reply.The reason I'm thinking of IVF at my age is that I need to feel we tried everything & not be left thinking if only we'd tried.Will you feel that if you don't give it one more go?only you know that but I wish you lots of luck,whatever
Love Dollyxxxxxxxxxxx


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## babyroosta (Apr 24, 2003)

Hi girls,

I'm another old 'un and just going through my first IVF. I had two boys naturally 12 & 15 years ago and thought my family was complete. I was sterilised at aged 34 (BIGGEST mistake of my life). I was single at the time and can't believe I did it. I met my DP in 1999 and would adore to have a baby with him. I had a reversal that didn't work, a heartbreaking time, and have now gone on to IVF. My cycles are regular and my FSH levels ok and donor eggs were never mentioned by the clinic. I feel this is right for us and if it doesn't work at least we tried. Although I think I will always feel guilty its my own fault, at least I have two lads, DP has no children. He tells me he loves me and he tries his best to make me feel ok, but I am so sorry I made that stupid mistake when I was 34. Anyway, I want to wish you all the best of luck, my sister had a daughter naturally at 39 so hopefully its in my genes to conceive and this will work!!!

Loadsa luv,
XX


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## MnM (May 18, 2003)

Hi I'm also over 40. All those years I was never in the right relationship and it was not the right time, happy with my cats! then meet my soulmate at 38, get married in 2001 then think now its right. Never really thought about infertility, all those early years trying not to get pregnant! Started to have really heavy periods about 18 months ago, resulting in anaemia. Had a scan revealing fibroid then referred for infertility. Had a lap & dye which was OK. Hubby tested and found to have poor motility. Due to our ages recommended to go private. Just had a trial sperm wash to see where we go from here - waiting for results.  No idea of costs or time. Trying to remain optomistic. At same time as all this a friend, who never wanted children, had suprise baby girl. Bit difficult to cope with when you are facing prospect of maybe never!
Great to know there are others in same boat - keep up the good work. Good luck to everyone


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## dollyzx (May 7, 2003)

Thanks for all replys,helps a little to know you're not alone.I can so identify with not meeting the right person until your late 30's,I was also happy with my cat!!!Being surrounded with prg people is SO hard.
Good luck to all,Dollyxxxxxxxxxx


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## andreaGe (Nov 20, 2002)

Hi dolly,
just catching up on your thread. It sure has been busy. There are so many of us! I think we should have our own topic thread. 
Sorry I had not been back earlier but I had to deal with another disappointment. Well, I am actually still trying to get to grips with it. Once you decide to go for treatment you are bound to be in for a rough ride. On the other hand I am convinced it is worth it! For instance I am glad I was pregnant once, even only for a short while. Fertility treatment is a live changing experience. I think it makes me a better person..this sounds stupid, I know. I can't describe it but it is wonderful to be proactiv about something you really want. It is empowering. Sorry, I am rambling a bit but I can really recommend it. Financially it is a real strain for us. In the bigger picture in the years to come it is nothing compared to how I would probably feel if I hadn't tried. 
Well, I am wishing you all the best. I will check up on you again. 
Best wishes Andrea


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## dollyzx (May 7, 2003)

Thanks for the encouragement Andrea,I'm sure you are right about feeling you at least gave it your best.
LOTS of luck to you,Dollyxxxxxxxxxx


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## Fee (May 8, 2003)

Hi Dolly
Just catching up with you! And all us other 40 somethings!
The 2ww on our treatment was so awful (af pains every day, huge boobs and the failure at the end) that I need a break. Having said that the first bit (sniffing, stimming, EC etc) was not as bad as I thought - and I have to admit last night saying to DH that if we could find the money I'd like to give it one more go and have 3 embies put back. We also have an IVF specialist who is a personal friend working at a leading IVF clinic in the states - and if we can't have 3 put back here, we could think about going there. I'm inspired by Tara you see!

Good luck - heaps and heaps of it - to all of us still trying for a dream baby

Fee xxxxxx


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## dollyzx (May 7, 2003)

Hi everyone just wanted to say thanks for your replies it's great to know you are out there!!
Also an update,I've got an appt later this month at a private clinic & am terrified as I know it's decision time.Really unsure whether to go on or just try to accept wasn't meant to be,so many emotions!!Scared they'll just dismiss me due to age (am 42 day after appt!)HELP
Love to all Dollyxxxxxxxxxxx


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## babyroosta (Apr 24, 2003)

Hi Dolly,

I would say go along to your appt and see what they say. Write down any questions you want to ask, if you're anything like me you go in full of things to ask and come out having forgot all of them!! Then when you have all the info you need you can sit down and make the best choice for you. I wish you luck hun. It is scary, I'm petrified for my egg collection tomorrow, but if it all works out ok it will all have been completely worth it. 

Loadsa luv

XX


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## Fee (May 8, 2003)

Hi Liz
How old is your dd?
Fee x


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## Fee (May 8, 2003)

Perfect AGE!! I loved that stage

Just some encouragement for us all. Just read Ana's news -  after 9 attempts and she's in our age group! Really encouraging, fantastic news.

Fee xx


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Dolly

I've only just seen your thread. I know it's easy to let our ages get to us, I joined this site with the question "Any OAP's out there?". I see no reason why your clinic should turn you away for your age, the main question will be your hormone levels. The only difference my age made to my treatment was that my clinic put me on a "short protocol IVF". This meant that I had daily injections to stimulate my ovaries, but it was all fairly straight forward. Unfortunately the 1st go didn't work as none of my eggs fertilised (which probably explains why I've never been pg in the last 7 years) but we then tried ICSI where the sperm are injected direct into the eggs and I am now unbelievably 10 weeks pg.

Don't give up hope, there's a few of us "grey haired" Mums around.

Best of luck
Cindy


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## ECR (May 11, 2003)

Hi everyone - nice to see such a lot of 40+ girls, it reminded me of one of my friends who decided that when you reach 40 you become one of the 30,10 brigade!

I too am in this category (guess that's fairly obvious) and had my 1st IVF at 40, initially + but mc at 10 weeks. I had a recent FET (May 03) which was negative and haven't posted much since then but am trying to build up the positive fibes....

I plan to have another FET this month and hope this will be the one for us.

Fee - I see you are at the same clinic as me, I had 3 embryo's put back on my fresh IVF cycle and then 3 again on my FET. They seemed happy to do this given my age and the chance of multiplies is fairly low, perhaps you can ask whther they are willing to go down this road for you.

Well best of luck to everyone - age is just a number and one of my friends recently had a baby at 43, so there is hope for us all.

best wishes
Ellen


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## dollyzx (May 7, 2003)

Hi everyone,just an update,had appt last week & need advice please!!Having bloods,scan rechecked in view of IVF.Need to make decision if this is the way for us.Seems it's our only option if we go down treatment route but at my age(42) there's only 15% chance of success.All can think of is 85% failure rate & difficult emotional roller coaster,especially if not successful.However if don't try have to accept probably won't happen for us.
Anyone any experience/advice?Feel really stressed & mixed up
Dolly xxxxx


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Dolly

I'm 40 and had IVF, I was also told my chances were only 15%. We felt that we needed to go for it as much to find out what the problem was as our infertility has always been explained. The IVF didn't work but we finally found out that my eggs don't fertilise, put them in a dish with my husband's sperm and nothing happens. The consultant said that it could be my eggs weren't sending out the "come over here" signals or that my husband's sperm weren't hearing anything. Although it was disappointing at least IVF finally told us why we hadn't conceived naturally in the last 7 years. In our case ICSI overcame the problem and I was pg.

What I mean to say with all this rambling is that the only people who can decide is you and you DH. IVF can overcome most problems and although it's only 15% successful, you have as much chance as being in that 15% as anyone else. I was pg at 40 and although it had a bad ending, the m/c could have happened to anyone regardless of age or fertility.

Ellen is right, age is just a number. Good luck with your tx.

Ellen, I'm curious that you were allowed to have 3 embryos put back in. I thought the HFEA guidelines ruled against any more than 2. I have 3 frosties and was assuming that if all 3 dethawed OK I would still only be allowed 2.

love
Cindy

Cindy


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## ECR (May 11, 2003)

Hi All

Just a short note to say that my transfer should take place early next week - just using the "hormone sticks" at present and waiting for the "big day"! 

I decided to have a natural FET this time and both my scans went well, the follicle and my lining look "great" apparently....acording to the sonographer!

Cindy - HFEA state that only 2 embryo's should be transferred but where your doctor and you are in agreement that 3 can go back this is allowed - supposed to be in exceptional circumstances, but certainly my consultant is happy to do this given my age and the fact that at this age the risk of triplets is low. I would ask at your clinic what their policy is but certainly it is not prohibited by HFEA.

I had 4 embryo's thawed last time, all survived and three were transferred. I have three left and plan to thaw them all. If all survive I will go for a 3 embryo transfer again.

Dolly - I know its hard not to get stressed and frustrated, but you should keep going as long as you and DH are willing to do so. I always said that I would have a maximum of 3 fresh attempts and take FET if available but count them as some sort of bonus. I don't bother with % if a positive result happens then it will happen, and % don't really count... I wish you best of luck whatever you decide.

Am trying to stay positive for next week - and right after my transfer am jetting off to the sun for a bit of TLC and rest/relaxation, hoping for the best, only time will tell.....

Take care all - speak to you soon
Byee
Ellen xxx


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## dollyzx (May 7, 2003)

Hi everyone
Just an update to let you know we've decided to give IVF a go. In the end felt if we didn't at least try we would always wonder what if? This way we can honestly say there was nothing else we could have done. 
We're getting married in 2wks & will start our 1st attempt end Sept , after a relaxing honeymoon!
Goodluck to all
Dollyzx xxxxxxxxxxx


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## Mel (Jan 1, 2002)

Dolly,

I am glad you have come to that decision 

And:

  Congratulations on your wedding in 2 weeks - Have a wonderful day  

Hugs

Mel

x x x


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## Fee (May 8, 2003)

Hi all
I lost this thread for a while - so I've some catching up to do - but Ellen - fellow Lister gal - thanks so much for your post. At ET the Lister advised me to have 2 put back, but if I had insisted on 3 they would have done it. Wish I had now. They took our remaining 7 eggs on to blastocyst and only two survived, so we've only two embies left. I'm busy getting my brain around trying again. 
Fee xxx


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## ECR (May 11, 2003)

Hi Fee

I saw that you had posted on the other "oldies thread" and popped over to see what was happening on this thread.

Sorry that your last cycle didn't work out as you would have wished but at least you have two blastocysts left and these definitely have a better success rate as far as the figures show.

We are planning to move clinic before our next cycle and we hope to be growing a few blastocysts of my own.

Hope you can reach a decision soon on your next move, at our age unfortunately time is the only thing we don't have on our side!

Let me know how you get on.
Take care
Ellen
xx


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## Wishing jj (Oct 31, 2013)

Hi been lurking for a while having just completed mild ivf (lower drug dose) only produced one follicle, did have egg and fertlised but arrested at 2 cells. Been advised to try ivf but not sure what to do.... Iui, gentle ivf or normal ivf?  Sad but realise that whatever we try odds are low but there is a chance stil,  I,m 42 and husband 43...


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## Greyhoundgal (Oct 7, 2013)

Hi Wishingjj

Sorry to read about your iui   Why not post your story in the over 40s forum on your own thread? Everyone is so friendly  . I'm 40 and me and DP are just at the start of our journey but I have got so much good advice and comfort from this forum. This is a really old thread so might be good to post a new thread asking for tips or thoughts from others.

 grey xx


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