# Lonely



## roonie (Oct 20, 2010)

Hi all 
So things with my son are amazing and wonderful with bouts of behaviours I would expect that I am finding easy to manage and understand now he is attached to me in a more healthy way and knows I can be trusted, it is nearly two years since he came home and  initially and well into  the first year and a bit it was hard, he found toddler groups hard and meeting new people very stressful, he rejected me and did not trust so I lost friends along the way who didn't understand and who advocated I make him "get on with it" drag him to groups and out and about and take a more traditional approach    So as you can imagine it's been lonely.  I have amazing parents and in laws but  I often miss being with other people my own age but need to be around those who understand.  Many of couples from our prep group lost touch, I often wondered if it is because they too found it hard and didn't want t others to know it wasn't all rosy but perhaps that is because I felt that way!  Our post adoption groups dissolved mainly as people weren't using the facility enough, and to be honest we didn't at the start as my lb wouldn't have coped and the ones I did go to i found upsetting st the start as everyone seemed to be coping and happier than me or my son.  Now though I have made a rod for my own back, I am petrified of starting groups and even though he loves nursery I feel he wouldn't like it as I have casually taken him into library during rhyme time to walk past and get a book out ignoring the singing and he gets panicky ... So I wondered any adoptive parents out there in the south, near to Southampton who ever fancy meeting up please let me know it would be so lovely to meet you xxxx


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

Hi - I am actually south London so not really close to you but wAnted to say hello and I hope someone comes along who is local.

Motherhood can be lonely at times - I know so many people at my sons school who said that until their kids started school they barely had a life. Luckily our school playground is very friendly.

Have you tried mumsnet - when my sister first became a stay at home mother she put a post on mumsnet for local friends and met a few - some she liked some she didn't. I know other adopters will understand what you have been through but remember there are other mothers out there who kids will struggle just as much in the kind of settings you describe your son as struggling in. Good luck


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## roonie (Oct 20, 2010)

Thanks tictoc I know You are right that other non adoptive parents probably feel the same I just feel so isolated now and don't know where to start to get socialising again! I am trying to be in the mindset of someone who is new to the to an area and brave new groups just so scared little man will regress after we have come so far! I work a couple of days a  week for my sister so get out and about and catch up from time to time with friends who have stuck with me I am just feeling a bit sorry for myself today 😊
I will think about being brave and going through mums net and put something out there just feels a bit like internet dating!!!! 😬


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

Haha - yes it does feel like internet dating but then again that's how a lot of people meet these days.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

I met two of my closest friends on this forum on the adoption pages! We meet up regularly now and text constantly. It is wonderful to have people that just get it, although we talk about a million and one other things too! Very grateful to this forum! Good luck   I really hope you can find some people to connect with, it's a scary thing at first I know. Lots of love to you xxx


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## dimplesforever (Aug 1, 2014)

Hi Roonie

Sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely - I have often felt lonely too.  Unfortunately I live up North so not much help.

Have you tried Adoption Link?  They have a Playdate Finder and a Chat section.  The easiest classes I have found have been swimming - for some reason everyone seemed more open there.

Hope things get easier


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