# So Glad I found this site...



## still_hoping (Jan 23, 2007)

Hi Girls, I am glad that I found this site. I have been lucky enough to have had children, I lost my dd in Dec 05 due to a rare genetic condition. So have been ttc, ( has really been the only thing that has kept me from cracking up.) But things just don't seem to be working anymore. I am finding it really hard coming to terms with the fact that I may never be pg again.
I know a lot of the other sites related to infertiliy are really only for women who have been so unlucky and have never had any children and I don't want them to think I am being selfish because I still want another one.
Since loosing my dd, my luck has just always been bad, and if something is to go wrong...it will. I started temping, using opk's. I was getting a temp shift, EWCM, ov pains and +opks. So assumed that I was ovulating. Decided to go to gp and just check. Was devasted to find out that it was only 18.. Had to be over 30 to be classed as ovulation.( although everything pointed to some sort of cycle..)
I then had another cd21 progesterone done, I phoned up and the girl said ..."everything is fine." pheww i thought.. Went to gp with a urine infection and just out of nosiness asked about progesterone....10.5........... WHAT.. I was gutted again, especially after being told it was fine. I had another one done and it was only 11.5.
So doc has referred me to hospital to get clomid.
Meanwhile I was to get blood test done, Thyroid, FSH, LH and Prolactin. I asked if there was any specific day and he said that it didn't matter... But I knew from reading "too much" that it need to be done on CD3... So that is what I did.
Part of me wished that I hadn't because my FSH came back at 15.2... I was so upset. I couldn't eat and I didn't leave the house for a week as I was so upset. It was like grieving for my lost baby all over again. 
I have since been looking on the net at anything and everything hoping for some hope.
I have a regular cylce..28-29 days I nearly alway ov.."psuedo ov" on cd17. I don't have any menopausal signs..( well at least I don't think I do..) Have read that FSH can change month to month etc.
But anyway, glad I found somewhere I can come and speak to people that have had children and hopefully not feel guilty for wanting another baby, because it doesn't matter how many children you have.. if that need is there.. then it is there.
I would love to be able to come to terms with the fact that my family is complete, but I can't.
Loosing my dd was so hard. We were told when she was 4 days old that she would die before she was one, it was so hard, especially seeing other mums with their babies and knowing that my baby would be taken away from me. She died when she was just over 7 weeks old. But we were lucky to have her as most babies with her condition never make it to term, or if they do, the die within hours of birth. So we were very lucky.
Look forward to getting to know you all and hope I can pass some information on that I have learnt and pick you brains  for more.
Take Care
Love Bexx


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Dear Be
Don't know what to say to you other than I am so sorry for your loss - it brings tears to my eyes and I am so so sorry.
Welcome to FF and I am sure you will find comfort and support on here and good luck.
Have sent you some bubbles for luck.
lots of love
susie


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## TC2 (Oct 30, 2006)

Bexx

So sorry to hear of your loss and how you are feeling about your 'luck' right now.  You are in the right place here and it is great to be able to share how you feel without being judged.  We dont always have the answers for each other but we are here to listen and share.  I dont have the age/FSH issue yet but i have a very real fear that despite the fact we are starting our first ICSI cycle, that this may be it and i may just have one beautiful child.  Some days i think i can cope with that thought and others i cant; i dont think anything i try to do/think makes a difference to that yearning and i believe only time will help me. 

I really hope that 2007 brings you that BFP .  

Teenax


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Dear Be
I did not mean my first message to be so short but a old close friend with IF issues rang me and we were on phone for over hour and a half, I have been feeling very isolated and left out due to school run so it was lovely to speak to her but I also know its lovely to get replies when you first post so sorry I cut mine short. Also think 2ndry IF is one of the quieter places as when I first looked there were not that many posts but there are quite a few of us now so have a look at the daily secondary IF posts and now there is a school run - what ever there are a few of us in the same position and it does not matter whether you have one or five we know we all feel the same but we also know that we are so lucky to have the one we have.
I tell you I am on such a roller coaster (as will a lot of the girls on here who have listened to me) that I go up and down but there are always so many people on here that are here for us.
anyway take care and please come and post on the daily one and share those emotions as its so good for all of us.
take lots of care
love
susie


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## emilycaitlin (Mar 7, 2006)

Hi Be, 

It was so sad to read your post. I'm really sorry, 

Your experience at the gp's sounds frustrating!  You are right that FSH etc needs doing on day 2 or 3.  Hopefully the clomid will work for you.

Pop on to the secondary IF daily chat and get to meet the others, there's loads of support for you,

emilycaitlin xx


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## Ape (Oct 17, 2006)

Hi there
So sorry to hear of your situation.
Is there any reason why your GP can't prescribe Clomid? Mine prescribed me 3 months, followed by another 3. I then went to my GP surgery on day 21 each month to have a blood test to check my progesterone levels . After trying that he then referred me to hospital.

Ape


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## still_hoping (Jan 23, 2007)

Hi, Thanks for replying. My doc wont prescribe it because they need to do a scan to make sure that you aren't over stimulated etc. So needs to be done at the hospital. Therefore I have to go on the waiting list. He also said that if I hadn't heard anything by Easter, I could go and get a private consultations....(£300).. that is just a chat.... nothing else. But that that wouldn't put me any higher up the list and it wouldn't be any more beneficial, because I would have to pay for all the treatment and then would be taken off the list? 
So not sure what to do next really. Just wait and wait .... really annoying as I really don't have any time left really. I so wish I had gone last year, just after I lost Jenna.. instead of waiting nearly a year... because here I am again waiting.
I am just now trying to get my heart and head around the fact that I won't have any more, and it is really really difficult...(although a little bit of me keeps hoping..) but I really don't want to have that hope because it is so upsetting when it won't happen. Because I have had such bad luck the last wee while that I know it won't.
​I hope that clomid is all you need to help you get your dream
Take Care
xcx


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## jakesmum (Feb 10, 2007)

Hi Bex, 

I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, I can't even begin to understand what that must be like - try and keep strong.  Hopefully you won't have to wait too long on the NHS and they can sort it all out for you - I know nothing about fertility drugs but I'm sure they will be able to help you

Emma


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## MIMI4 (Feb 16, 2007)

Sorry to hear of your loss. I think many couples feel guilty about wanting a 2nd, 3rd... child when others are yet to be blessed with one. I too feel my family is not complete and am starting tests....again. I know how lucky I am to have my ds of 4 yrs but it doesn't take away that longing for another child. It doesn't mean I love him any less. My GP is useless. No one told me when to have the ov test, then when the results came back they were not good. So i went again this month, GP's sec said all was normal so I thought, great that's one thing thats working. GP called last night to say test had shown I hadn't ov, yet af still not arrived. Now day 29.(usually 28-29) BFN yesterday. So I had another bt today. She said if af arrives today then I didn't ov this month so at the moment no af on day 29 which is a good sign I hope as far as ov goes. Yes I too get what I thought was ov pain every month.  I feel gutted inside when I see/hear of friends/anyone preg but don't feel that at all on this site. It's such a good feeling when couples here get a BFP. It gives others hope. Too many people these days take their fertlilty for granted. I do hope you get what your dream again and I'm sure you'll find this site very supportive.

MIMI4 x


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## *Lollipop* (Feb 1, 2007)

Dear Be,


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## *Lollipop* (Feb 1, 2007)

Dear Be,

Just wanted to welcome you to the site and also say how sorry I am for your loss  . I cant even imagine or understand how you must feel. As the other girls have said this site is great for information and also just a place where you can type all your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it just feels better to get it all out, i write the odd book on here but it does make me feel better afterwards. Ive been talking to the girlies about acupuncture as my fsh levels were are also raised, acu also helps you to relax a bit too. I have started acupuncture and taking chinese herbs to hopefully reduce my fsh but im trying not to get obsessed with it (but i sound like i am ). Studies show that lots of woman fall pg naturally on high fsh levels. My fertility nurse said that stress can also increase fsh levels too(Im surprised mine isnt in the 100's), There is also a herb called Agnus cactus which the health shop recommended to me it can help reduce fsh levels and it is sort of like a natural fertility drug so guess who has shares in that now!!!  . Good luck and take extra special care,try and be positive   . Sending you lots of   ,  Love Gabrielle..xxxxx


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## *Lollipop* (Feb 1, 2007)

Hi Be, 

I am a donut   herb is called Agnus Castus  ,have a good week..xxxGabrielle


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