# Please help!! (long)



## Corinna (Sep 5, 2006)

Hi all. 

We're currently having tmt at Care Notts. I had EC yeterday. 10 eggs were collected. 9 mature and when I called this morning 6 had fertilised. We used DS. I just want to tell you my story so far and I'd really appreciate some advice as to whether the decision to use DS was the right one. Me & DH are in turmoil, so please help me if you can...  

Basically, when we had our consultation back in May, we agreed to do a 50/50 split with DS and DH's sperm due to DH being azoospermic. Our consultant (George) confirmed that sperm from azoospermic men can fertilise eggs no problem but cos of potential chromosone and hormonal problems with azoospermic men (high FSH for example which is what my DH has) the chances of a BFP are reduced.   We were happy with the 50/50 split. We also agreed to try & take the embies to blast this time. 

Yesterday, I went through our procedure for EC with a Care nurse. We'd agreed at my consulation that if no sperm were found in my DH's samples on EC day, we'd use the frozen sperm that we had in storage at Care Manchester (where we had out first cycle. Care Manc had also arranged to ship this sperm to Notts in time for this cycle). If this sperm failed to thaw, then DH would have SSR. I called to make sure that everything was in place for this (don't ask me why I felt the need to do this, but I just had a feeling that all wasn't well in this dept..) We found out that Care Manchester HADN'T shipped the frozen sperm to Notts so we had to make a mad dash to Manchester and pick it up ourselves. Also, no provisions were made for SSR so all in all, we were pretty miffed and just relieved that I'd called to check everything was in place to get sperm from DH. 

The nurse then went through our EC and fertilisation protocol... In my notes, George had put that the first 10 eggs should be fertilised with DS and any after that would be fertilsed with DH's sperm. If we got 10 or less eggs, we should go straight to a donor. Now, this only came out on Friday (day before EC) so both me & DH were really shocked by this as we thought we were doing a straight 50/50 split. The nurse spoke to Geoege yesterday and he confirmed that this was the best thing to do due to the slim chance of a BFP with DH's sperm. I cried a lot yesterday and me & DH talked last night and agreed to go with what Geoege had suggested. 

Anyway, I woke up from the sedation to be told that 10 eggs had been collected. Both me & DH were faily gutted cos this meant that we were closing the door on using DH's sperm, but we'd made the decision as per Georges recommendations and were happy with it. 
DH had done a fresh sample before my EC and there was nothing in it. He did another sample 1 hour later and there were some in that one. The nurse came in saying "we've got some sperm from this sample so you don't need the donor anymore!"   Now, we ALWAYS knew that we'd get some sperm from DH one way or another (fresh, frozen back-up or SSR) so to be told that they had some wasn't a suprise to us. It was the fact that we were made to choose AGAIN even though we'd made the decision yesterday. 

Me & DH then shed more tears because DH felt we had hope, although getting sperm from him was never in doubt! It was quite simply a nightmare!!   The embryologist basically said that the few sperm they found were of good quailty and were motile. Suddenly, the decision we'd made yesterday came in doubt (bearing in mind this was 10 mins after my EC so I was feeling like crap!) One of the senior consultants came in to speak to us and confirmed again, that donor sperm WOULD give us the best chance but it was our call. 50/50 split was now not an option cos we'd likely end up with no blasts. It was either DS or DH's sperm. The embryologist also told us that our embies from our last cycle fertilsed with DH's sperm weren't very good quality so she also recommended using the donor. Funny that Manchester told us how FANTASTIC they were when we had our first fresh cycle!!!!  

In the end, after more tears (DH never cries), we agreed to fertilise all with DS. 

To be honest, I'm just very p*ssed off with the level of communication between us, Manc & Notts. IVF is stressful enough. Making the decision to use a donor (whether egg or sperm) adds to that stress 10-fold, but to have all this crap in addition is just a nightmare. 

I've now e-mailed our consultant to ask whether we made the right decision based on my DH's second sample. Should we have used that?? Did we make the right choice in using the DS?? It was plain & simply because the nurse burst in saying we didn't need to donor anymore that suddenly our options changed. She clearly had assumed that we were only using DS because my husband doesn't produce any at all which isn't the case. We didn't know what to do cos no one was there that actually knew our situation and could advice us. We basically had to make a life changing decision on the spot!! We've already discussed freezing these embryo's if it transpires that we should've/could've used DH's sperm after all. 

Does anyone have any advice on what we should have done or whether the decision we made was the right one??

Any comments would be really appreciated. 

Corinna xx


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## mistyjones (Dec 20, 2006)

Aw you poor thing, as if IVF isnt stressful enough! It is such a rollercoaster of a ride but you and your DH will get through this sending you lots of    

Personally I think you have made the best choice, my DH also is in the same situation, azoospermic, however we were told that it was possible for him to have an operation to retreve sperm but it would be highly unlikely to produce sperm of any good grade for good embies. Our clinic also suggested doing the "try it and see on the day " method, but we decided against it as we thought that DS would give us a better chance of a BFP, as it was better quality and it would perhaps save us some stress. 
I would speak to your doctor and question their decison making process and I would complain abou the transfer of DS, sounds like bad management, especially if you are going to a private clinic, although it is now all over and import for you to relax and not get stressed out...

I think you have made a good decision

good luck


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## blueeyes (Jun 19, 2004)

Hi 
How awful for you both what turmoil to go through, but I don’t really know what to say as our decision was made for us cos SSR showed no sperm for my DH.  But what I would say is that when we originally looked into SSR etc we did have concerns that a child conceived could not be guaranteed not to have similar IF problems or other hormonal probs. I did find some comfort in that. 
Not sure I this helps. The journey to use donor is emotional and difficult but I would say that if you have successful treatment the happiness of achieving a pregnancy and the prospect of having a baby (or babies in my case) does not get overshadowed by the fact they were conceivedwith DS. If fact it seems to diminish. 
I would complain about the lack of communication but try not to to let this overshadow your chance of having a family. Keep taliking to each other and hopefully the hurt will fade with time. Consider seening the clinic counsellor if this continues to upset you both.
Good luck
Blueeyes
xxxx


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## *Suze* (Sep 16, 2005)

Corinna

Oh my, what a rollercoaster ride  

We were never given the option to use dh's sperm however did try everything to get some via ssr etc which was unsuccessful  so i can understand that given the chance you are bound to choose your dh's sperm  

I think you did the right thing to give you the best chance at completing your family and agree with the others that its totally unacceptable to put you though that 10 mins after ec  

I hope you get a gorgeous BFP and that these feelings disappear when you see the 2 lines

how are you embies doing today? im sure you will get to blasts honey

love
Suzi xx


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