# Advice Pls on 'ISSUES' adopted children may have/get.



## flowerdew (May 2, 2012)

Hi there
I was wondering if you could help me.
What are the main issues that adopted babies/children may have and what are the main
issues that a birth mother/fatherly may have?!
Bit of a weirdly worded question I apologise just curious as I thought that alcoholism
wasn't such a big deal but a friend suggested it was the worse so I obviously need to do some research!
I'm guessing the main ones are alcohol,mental (schizophrenia,dipola...)drugs anymore?!
Thank you inadvance
X


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Alcohol can lead to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome which can be very serious. 
Drug use can lead to babies that are born addicted to drugs and need to be withdrawn. 
Neglect is often totally overlooked and can bring massive issues. The child's brain develops loads from 0 till 2 and if a child experiences neglect / a lack of stimulation can affect how the brain develops 
Physical, emotional and sexual abuse all can lead to behaviors and long lasting effects on a child. 

Parenting the child who hurts by Caroline Archer is a good book to start with it's a bit easier to read as are others. 
Also read the parenting adopted children part of this website as it gives you a really good insight to the everyday issues that adopted parents face early placement. 

Good luck x x


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

There is also a spectrum of learning disabilities that often go hand in hand with deprivation, neglect and abuse. 

The take home message is that many things can affect the way children take in and process sensory information, resulting in poor resources and strategies for coping as children and subsequently as adults in a mainstream environment. In this way, affected children are disadvantaged and "left behind" as their peers develop. Many will never recover completely. Some become more capable than we could ever dream. But nearly always at great cost.


I'm starting to sound like a superhero movie...


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## flowerdew (May 2, 2012)

Hi
Thank you yes of course there's sexual abuse and neglect too.
I wrote it flying out the door and now feel silly with the way I wrote and mis spelt but you get the gist of it. 
Caroline Archer book is great recommendation-thank you. 
X


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## mafergal (Jul 31, 2013)

Just to add the the above and your question about BM's possible alcoholism. There is also FASD (foetal alcohol spectrum disorder) which is different to FAS - basically there are not physical characteristics like FAS but there are many developmental and in turn behavioural problems that can occur. FASD is/can be hard to diagnose. If you google both FAS and FASD there is lots of information on this. This link has details on both http://www.drinkaware.co.uk/check-the-facts/health-effects-of-alcohol/fertility-and-pregnancy/foetal-alcohol-syndrome?gclid=CNTigfeK87kCFRMftAodVU8A5g


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## flowerdew (May 2, 2012)

Thank you I've just been reading up about this 
I see that you are going through adoption has this question arisen yet of what you'd take on?!
Curious as to how it is put to you and how one answers.
Thanks.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

There is a tick list that lists a lot of different things some child focused such as general potential childhood issues like ASD, ADHD, Downsyndrome, Global developmental delay. Then more minor stuff like specific delays like speech, visual and hearing issues (this can mean glasses or gromits right through to totally blind or deaf.) 

Then there are the different type of abuse listed
Then there are also all kind of issues connecting to parents and family background e.g. heavy drinking in pregnancy, drug use, mental illness, learning difficulties or issues in parents and or close relatives such as aunties, uncles and or grandparents. 

The other thing to bare in mind is that often little or nothing is known about birth fathers so often half the picture is missing which means whatever boxes you do or don't tick could be 50% irrelevant. Also that especially if you are looking young then it is just to early for a number of issues to show. A SW will want to see that you tick realistically on the list - saying no to something doesn't go against you. But also that you understand that there are no guarantees with any child and less with adoption and that you would stand by a child if issues surfaced later. Also that you accept and can cope with the level of uncertainty. 

The list basically says yes, no or would discuss so there can be grey areas as some labels are fairly huge. Hope that helps sorry it's a bit of a ramble.


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## flowerdew (May 2, 2012)

Oh a list brilliant!!
That makes life so much easier thanks for telling me I had no idea-thought we'd need to know about all of them,phew.
I don't know what we could handle esp as we have a DS already think we need to have a big chat
X


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## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

Hi DIY Diva - the 'tick list' you refer to - I have read about that on here in the past but our SW hasn't mentioned it at all! Do you know if its a nationwide thing all adopters need to complete or another example where its different for different LA/VA's?  We have had all of our HS sessions now & our  SW has said we have done everything that is needed - though we are seeing her in is  in early November just for a final catch-up prior to her writing our PAR in Nov ready for panel in mid December.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Hi Lizard, 

We didn't actually do it with ours she just asked a load of questions and we discussed what is says. However other people off my prep course were given it so it would seem that it's SW individual. 

Not sure if she may do it post panel with us? Either way I think she has a good idea of what we would and wouldn't be comfortable with.


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## alig1972 (May 12, 2011)

Hi 

As part of our Home Study sessions we went through all the different issues and we had to tick, cross or question mark the items based on how we thought we could cope with them. We obviously had to discuss as what i think i can cope with is different to DH and also the SW explained some and our views changed...

Ali


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## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

Thanks DIY Diva & Ali - I'm due to email my SW in a couple of weeks time, so perhaps I'll ask her about this. We have 'loosely' talked about the type of child that would be a good match, but more characteristics than a 'yes/no' tick list like 'disability, heritage, type of neglect, FAS, global development delay' etc.


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## flowerdew (May 2, 2012)

Yes Lizard same here we've more brushed on it.
Thanks girls good info all round!
X


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## mafergal (Jul 31, 2013)

flowerdew said:


> Thank you I've just been reading up about this
> I see that you are going through adoption has this question arisen yet of what you'd take on?!
> Curious as to how it is put to you and how one answers.
> Thanks.


Hi, it's not been asked of me as yet but like others have said I believe it's something that is discussed in much more detail during the home study part. We haven't yet started our prep.

I think of like this, at the moment I have a very open mind which will probably become less open during each day of the prep course and after a few home study sessions I'm sure we will know exactly what we are prepared to accept and what we wont. Your SW wont want you to take on anything you don't think you will be able to cope with and they should do a lot of work with you to figure this out.

Good luck with everything and all the reading you will be doing  I have found I'll read about one issue and learn of another. But it's good to get as much information together as you can


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

If you search on google, you can find lists produced by BAAF. Someone with an old-style PAR may be able to comment on the name of the form. (form H?) I vaguely remember seeing a new style form, too, but I am not sure it is used in the new PAR. Anyone with a new style PAR able to comment?


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

My PAR is new. As I said we haven't done it but others off prep also new par have


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## flowerdew (May 2, 2012)

Sorry what IS 'PAR' 
Oh dear back to school for me!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

It's the report the social worker writes about you and is read by the panel who decide whether to advise you are approved or not.  It probably stands for parental aptitude report or something similar x


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

Hehe. Prospective Adopters Report


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Thanks hsm that had left my brain x


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## flowerdew (May 2, 2012)

Oh gosh how nerve wracking!
Thanks for all your info girls love FF!
X


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

We done this form on our very last SW visit....we were in between the new and old system but with the new paperwork. Our SW used some of our answers from the tick list to write up in our PAR.


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