# Frustrated with adoption process



## Candy Kate (Jun 14, 2011)

Hi everyone,
I'm needing to vent my frustration.  I'm just starting out with the adoption process and its really slow moving and discouraging.  Me and dh started the process in January by filling out the neccesary paperwork, and attending a public information session in July.  We recently had a sw come and visit us and she thinks that I haven't got enough experience of looking after children and she doesn't think i will be able to continue with the process until I've got more experience.  She recommended I get in touch with Sure Start, so I have and I went to visit them today.  They were really friendly and helpful, but it seems the role I will have is to greet the families that come to the centre and deal with any queries they have, even though I have limited experience.  How is this really helping me?  I need to learn more about child care I agree but surely it shoud be a part of the process of preparing to adopt rather than a condition.  I really want to adopt after spending ten years wanting to be a mum, but this is crazy.
Please can can someone give me some advice and abit of hope.  I work fulltime Monday to Friday so I am limited in how I can gain more child care experience, as I don't know many people with children either.
Candy Kate


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Candy kate
Sorry you have been left feeling frustrated, unfortunately I think its quite common!!
It is a good idea to get as much child care experience as you can, the earlier this starts the better, and it can continue throughout the process and beyond if you have time and enjoy it.  We had lots of experience with children but felt it would be good to get experience of building a relationship with children we didn't know from birth as we would have to do this with any children we adopted.  I volunteered at Brownies, Rainbows and helped as an assistant Childminder to my friend after work and took some days off to help her with outings that she wouldn't have been able to do without an extra adult.  I know people who have helped at a nursery, youth groups, Sunday School, Sure Start, Cubs, Beavers etc there are loads of different things and most groups are crying out for volunteers.
I would give the Sure Start a go and see what happens, you will be meeting children as well there.  I take it they know why you are doing this?
TBH, you will face a lot of frustrations throughout the process and beyond, a lot of hurdles to jump and will have your commitment tested but thats because they need people to be fully commited to the children that need new families not because they are being difficult or don't think you are suitable.
Don't forget you can apply to other agencies, you are not stuck with this one.  
Good luck
OT


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## Candy Kate (Jun 14, 2011)

Hi,
I'm definately going to stick with the sure start thing, even though I won't be gaining experience for myself I'll pick up alot of stuff just from being around people and their children.  The people that work at the sure start centre know my reasons for volunteering and seem really helpful and willing to share the things they know, so that should be great as well.  I'm looking into brownies and rainbows as well.  
I'll keep going, I know I still want to do this.  I just don't understand why I've had to wait 8 months before anyone can speak to us and then be told I have to get child care experience before they'll put me on a waiting list for the training course, which can be a 12 month wait.  Surely I can get experience and be on a waiting list at the same time.
Thanks for the advice
Candy Kate


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

Why not enquire with other LAs or VAs? Even if they still want you to get more experience, they may have less of a wait for a preparation course.


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## KG81 (Oct 21, 2009)

I would definitely look into the other LA around you, you could ask when they have their preparation course and how long before they allocate you a social worker, that way it gives you an idea. 
It is what we have done, I think I contacted about 6 different LA. 
Our LA hasn't got any waiting list, we were lucky to go on the next prep course which was in march (contacted LA in feb), and we had our social worker starting our home study in April, finished in August, going to panel in October. 
Karen x x


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## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

Hi.

I think it is definatley worth looking into other LA/VA's.  Our VA wanted my DH to have more experience with children but it didn't delay anything, we made our initial meeting in February, and started the prep course at the end of April at the same time DH volunteered at Cubs and by the time we got to panel in October it was considered more than sufficient experience.

Good luck.

Love Princess Monica


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi Candy Kate,

Just to add to everything others have said, I volunteered at the preschool nursery (and infant school) that we knew we would like our future lo's to attend. 
My hours at work were on a shift basis so I was able to offer one morning a week on my day off, or when I was on a late shift.
As well as providing valuable experience, this was also great as I was able to build up a relationship with the staff and become familiar with the school and its day to day activities etc for when our lo starts there. It was a win-win situation   
As others have mentioned, we also did not have to face a delay whilst doing this, I started it before HS as I knew it may be required, but I just continued alongside the process of the assessment, we didn't have to wait to begin.
It may be worth you investigating other LA's to find out their views on this as you will find they all do things very differently.
One thing that will remain constant though is that they will all most likely want you to gain extra childcare experience (we felt we had lots, but it was considered not 'recent enough'   ).

Lots of luck with everything,

Anj x


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