# is it normal..?



## cammomile (Nov 28, 2007)

Dear Girls
I used to come on here as Ruby not so long ago but I logged out for a while to attempt a bit of 'space' from everything IF related - I tried to log back in as ruby but it wasn't happening so i have re-named myself! (am drinking cammomile tea and have no imagination...)

Anyway, the thing is, in some ways I feel better, but I still have this gnawing (sp) feeling in me a lot of the time, and for the past few days I have been so upset i don't know what to do with myself. I have been throwing myself into work in an attempt to be 'busy' and take my mind off things - which has worked up to a point, but it's like I can't breathe some days. My DH is brilliant, but he has also been having a mini crisis of his own and hasn't been able to listen to me droning on about the same old stuff. Cos we are male factor he has been having a real guilt thing resurfacing and keeps telling me to go off with someone else. I honestly would never even contemplate that, but I can't seem to get that across to him. Anyway, the upshot is that I haven't been talking to him as much as I used to, and my friends have been notable by their absence. (I know this is an all too common problem..) Our final tx was in Jan/Feb and I am wondering if this recent bout of horrible-ness is to do with timing - ie if all had gone to plan I would have had a baby/ies this month. Is this normal do you think?? I felt so attached to my embryos, they were just so special to me and dh - and i feel so silly because they were just blobs really, but it's like it all happened yesterday.  

I'm really sorry to have been away and now coming back expecting help just like that, but I don't know what else to do...
Is this always going to be so hard?
cam xxxx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

I had a really hard time of it around the time out last IVF baby would have been due, had the IVF worked. I didn't even realise what was going on at the time, and when I realised the dates, it sort of became clear why I was feeling so bad. Knowing why didn't stop it though!  

I think it's totally normal to feel like that. If it's any help, that period of depression did lift, but then SIL got pg on her first try and bought me right down again!

I'm really hoping that feelings will soften over time, but basically, I'm thinking that this thing will always be with us, and there will probably always be events that bite us on the bum, but thatin between, we'll be ok!


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi my lovely

Nice to see you, but sad that you are having such a tough time too IYKWIM?

Agree with Emmag, wise owl that she is, personally I have found that these things are par for the course and do crop up from time to time I'm afraid... so whilst you're riding this current rocky road we're here for you and sending you much love and  

Go easy on yourself hon x

Love
Emcee xxx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Cammomile/Ruby,

It seems like a few of us have been away for a while. Me so long we never met before! I am sure all the lovley members will welcome us both back!

I believe that post giving up on tx it is really hard to connect with other people, especially DH, friends and family. There are all sorts of issues to face with our partners and while tx still holds out hope our friends seem to be able to stay with us, but once we face giving up it is hard for those friends who have been luckier to know what to do or say. (I have just sent 2 posts on the same sort of subject.)  

The time we hoped to have a baby and yet are still childless is of course a difficult time, so please be easy on yourself and on DH. If he won't listen to words, then give him hugs. You will both benefit from physical comfort.

To answer your last question, it does get easier so long as you are not too hard on yourself.

Love Jq. xxx


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## cammomile (Nov 28, 2007)

Hey thanks girls - I know you are all right..it is just one of those things isn't it.  
I really really appreciate all your words, I feel much better already  
Thank you all
xxxxxxxxx
ps emcee, what is IYKWIM?? thought i was pretty good on the ol' cyber speak but don't know this one!!


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

It's "If You Know What I Mean"!!


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

I don't think we should any of us underestimate the power of anniversaries (even if they are ones that the 'outside world' wouldn't recognise) to bring on a new bout of sadness and despair. I felt bloomin miserable on tuesday of this week, and eventually realised it would have been the day where last year I realised I was pregnant ( I lost the baby in January). The only solution I have is to let these things float over me, do their worst, and trust that on a day sometime soon I will feel better.....

Take care of you, everyone!

MM xxxx


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Big hugs ladies.

I think anniversaries, even the ghosts of events that we hoped for but never happened, are always a factor in this. 2 out of my 4 txs were in nthe autumn and I always feel a bit haunted and weighed down by this time of year. I think one of the massively hard things about tx is there are so MANY anniversaries to bite us on the bum....I am affected by those of failed txs, several at different times of year, those of failed pg tests, those of diagnosis, thse of operations, those of stopping tx, those of days where I should have got pg, those of days where i should have given birth....(this is especially strong in relation to the last final tx)

I am sure we all have our own very personal catalogue!  

Also, do you think perhaps you may be suffering from the inevitable Christmas emotions? This is SUCH a massively hard time for all of those who hoped to be sharing it with their own children for the first time, and everywhere we look the focus is on children at this time of year. 
I know I have been feeling awfully moody about it, and feel unable to talk to my family about it.

Ruby sweetheart, what you are feeling is 100% normal, I recognise all of it as I know many others on here will. 
You say you finsihed tx in January/Feb....Its really still all very recent for you. i finsished tx 18 months ago now, and I can honestly say that its only this last 6 months I have started to notice a significant improvement in my feelings and emotions. Even so  I know I am still fragile. What I'm trying to say in my clumsy way is that it is a long slow road so you must be gentle on yourself, but also that it DOES get easier.  

Lots of love xxx
P.s sorry for typos amd very tired after getting to bed at 3 am after being dragged to a concert in north london!!!!!

PpS Massive hugs to you maggie mae


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Big hugs to you all  
Cat x


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