# Sad news - told not to concieve for 1 or 2 years



## lucy2831 (Aug 9, 2011)

I am so sad I don't know what to do. Went with my partner to the pain clinic today as I have a prolapsed disc, and am awaiting an epidural. The consultant told me very bluntly that I should not try and conceive for at least a year or two as my back would not be up to carrying a baby. I am so upset, have spent over a year wishing for this, finally we have got started with routine fertility tests and now have to tell the fertility specialist it all has to be put on hold. He also said that i dont need any extra stress with my back and that both issues would not be helping each other.

I know the consultant couldn't give me any definites but even after 1 or two years my back is still likely to be vulnerable, this could happen again even if it does get better. Do i never try for fear or hurting my back? Will i ever be able to conceive? How do i know if the time is right? I know he is trying to help me be pragmatic and realistic and I have been in denial about this a little bit because I so badly want a baby. He kept asking me what is the hurry, why do you want a baby so much, I cant get into words why. I feel like he has taken my dream further and further away.

I'm also worried that my partner is going to think less of me and want to be with some one who he can have a family with, I know Its not likely or rational but thats just what I'm worried about.

Any support and advice would be really appreciated right now, I feel very alone


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## rockandrose (Aug 11, 2011)

So so sad news... but I am sure your partner definitely does not think any less of you for having a poorly back. Can you talk to him about what is worrying you? I know that one or two years is FOREVER but is time on your side, age-wise? 
Sending you lots of positive thoughts and hugs


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## mazv (Jul 31, 2006)

So sorry to hear you received bad news today. Sending a huge hug   It's hard to hear that your dreams may not be as close as you had hoped. Can't really advise anything other than follow your specialists advise. Your fertility clinic should be able to talk through what your options are if you were to postpone things for another year or two. Hopefully they will be able to set a plan for you for the future and you will be able to go ahead once you are fit enough to do so. Not sure what other things you can do to improve the situation with your back but perhaps your consultant can advise?

Maz x


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## kiteflyer (May 13, 2011)

Oh Lucy that is really sad news  . One of my ex-partners sister was told not to have another child for a few years as it would damage her hips but she did not listen and ended up hardly being able to walk, not being able to pick her kids up, walk up stairs or do any housework. She also had to keep going the hospital and was on strong pain killers so was always tired. So I would listen to the doctor even though you are desperate to have a child you also need to look after your own health so that when you do have a child you will be fit and healthy to look after it


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## Cozy (Jul 17, 2008)

Lucy,

my back went while I was TTC and I had 2 prolapsed discs - L5/s1 & L3/4, that actually prolapsed twice over a 3 year period.  I have never given up TTC and just worked around how my back was at the time.

Initially when my back went, I couldn't even get out of bed to go to the loo and it took 6 months before I could even walk properly.

I had years of facet joint injections, epidurals, on pain killers, acupuncture and osteopathy while I was undergoing IVF and TTC.

The things that really helped me was my pain specialist but moreso was my Osteopath... I owe him alot.

As you can see from my signature, I know have a 15 month old boy and am going for FET next week.

Everyone is different and I don't know your full circs, but please do not give up hope. It is NOT an impossible task. Go and see a good Osteopath and between him and a good pain specialist you may be able to try for your dream earlier.

Good luck

Cozy


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## lucy2831 (Aug 9, 2011)

Thank you everyone, nice to feel there are people who understand what it feels like to want a baby so much an how upsetting this news is. I am a little less distraught today and just trying to get my head around it, i keep trying to find solutions to make it better, but i think the decision has been forced on me not to ttc and at least have the pain injection and see how it goes from there. Waiting and  more waiting, going to hope and pray that this resolves itself somehow  

I will continue to get all the tests done anyway just so we know what the situation is. Im 28 and dh is 31 so i know we still have some time on our side.

Cosy when you were pregnant did you still have pain with the prolapse? did you have medications?

Lucy xx


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## Cozy (Jul 17, 2008)

Lucy,

by the time I eventually got pregnant and had a baby, it was 8 years after my 1st prolapses. I still have back problems which I periodically see an Osteopath for.

When I was pregnant my back was fine, until about 26 weeks when I could hardly walk and had to use crutches. At that point we didn't know if it was my back playing up, my pelvis or the way the baby was lay. As soon as he was born, the crutches were made redundant, I could walk fine, so it was obviously just the weight of him and where he was lying.

If the midwives, Dr's and Osteopath know you have a back problem there are things you can do/wear to support the bump to stop your back from taking the strain. I only got to 28 weeks of pregnancy, so I didn't need to do anything.

I saw two Consulant Orthopaedic Surgeons and a Neurosurgeon privately during my "very bad back" times and they said that my back would either get better during pregnancy or it would get worse and only I could make the decision as to what to do re TTC, but they needed to make me aware of the worse case scenarios -which they duly did.

How bad is your back? Can you walk, function and go about your daily life, but in pain, or is it that bad you cannot do anything; i.e walk, wash yourself, go to the toilet etc?

If it is the former, If I were you, I would have the epidural, go and see an osteopath and see how you feel in a couple of months and take it from there.

You have also got time on your side   

Cozy


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## lucy2831 (Aug 9, 2011)

Thanks Cozy

r.e my back i can still function well, im going to work (albeit reduced hours until the epidural), can walk, wash/dress all activities of daily living fine its just that im in pain, some days worse than others, some days almost no pain. I spoke to my physio today who told me not to get too upset about the 'advice' i was given by the consultant and said that yes give it a few months until the epidural has taken effect, and then go about strengthening my back as best i can before thinking about ttc again. she was very pro continuing to concieve in the near future saying that who knows if it will ever fully resolve and if it does get bad during pregnancy there is support from her and others that can help. Felling a bit most positive and realistic today


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## Cozy (Jul 17, 2008)

Lucy,

glad you are feeling a bit more positive about things.

Your back doesn't seem half as bad as mine was. I couldn't do anything at all... and I mean nothing. Not even get myself to the loo, wash, get out of bed, for about a week. Then it was months before I could walk properly.

Personally I would recommend an Osteopath over a Physio any day. Having seen Physio, Chiros and Osteo's and know people who have gone through similiar episodes to me who all rate osteos. Your choice though

Cozy


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