# Hi im new & trying for my 1st baby!



## Victoria38 (Apr 17, 2015)

Hi Ladies,

I've just joined FF today and I hope to meet other ladies in my situation. 

I am 41 years old my DP is 42 and we have been trying for a baby for 2 years now. The reason why I left it so late was because I held off to meet the right person. We started trying when I turned 39 and I fell pg really quick, I thought it was easy but my pg was short lived when I went for my 1st scan and discovered the babies heartbeat had stopped at 8 weeks. I was shocked and devastated & I spent a lot of time crying. Anyway I thought I would try again but it wasn't that simple. 

6 months passed and still nothing happening so I went to see my doctor who referred me for fertility tests. At this stage they couldn't find anything wrong with me apart from my age, I had 8 follicles and my FSH levels were 5 so they offered me 2 cycles of IVF on the NHS. I was shocked as I thought I would just be given fertility pills but I also realise time really isn't on my side and I had turned 40. The waiting list was about 6 months.

While waiting for treatment I continued to try naturally and to my surprise I missed my period, this took me 1 year after my 1st mc to fall pg, again it was short lived and I started bleeding after 8 weeks and I had a complete natural mc. Soon after I had to begin my IVF treatment.

This time I only had 4 follicles, they put me on a short protocol, 300 gonal f injections. I was not responding well to drugs (12mm, 14mm, 16mm, 17mm follicles) and they decided to revert to iui which failed. I found the whole experience a nightmare!

Anyway I thought I would step things up trying the natural way, started wheatgrass, coq10, omega fish oils, dhea, vitamins, agnus castus, along with Chinese herbs and acupuncture. I'm now 41 and the month following my ivf disaster I missed my period and BFP. I couldn't believe my luck but once again its been short lived. I went for my 8 weeks scan yesterday and sac was empty, I'm so gutted again. I am waiting to see if I will naturally miscarry if not I will go back into hospital and op for the pill option. I will now be referred for recurrent mc tests.

I'm now left wondering if its worth continuing to try with my OE again or should I consider going down the ED route. My fertility doctor has suggested ED is the best option for me because of my very low egg reserves but can all my eggs really be that bad if I'm getting pg? 

I'm really sick fed up with the disappointment's trying for a baby but at the same time I want to be a mummy so much, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. It hurts me to think if I had tried sooner for a baby its unlikely I would have gotten into this situation. I really didn't think it would be so hard. 

Sorry for my long post and sorry to all out there having such difficulties making a family, its so unfair   

Xx


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## Maggiephatcat (Feb 21, 2010)

Hi Victoria 

I'm so sorry for your losses and to hear how hard your last two years have been 

I am glad you found Fertilty Friends. You will find a wealth of knowledge and support here from ladies who can totally empathise with your situation 

There are a number of great threads here in he 'Over 40' board. In particular you may want to have a look at:

40+ Success Stories

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=59854.1150

Fabulous 40's: What to do after a BFN - Support and Chat Part 3

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=332759.130[/size]

This thread in particular is very active and there are lots of ladies who post regularly. They are lovely, supportive and very welcoming of new members.

If there is anything else you'd like to know about in particular, give me a shout. Finding your way around Fertility Friends can seem a bit of a minefield when you first join 

Maggie xxx


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## BlinkButton (Jul 15, 2011)

Hello Victoria 
I met my partner at 38 and thought we should get on with it but never thought I'd end up where I am now. Had a natural pregnancy in first few months off the pill but they didn't diagnose ectopic till it was life threatening and I lost my tube. Having only one ovary to begin with I knew this was a big blow. I've had 5 ivf cycles 2 of which resulted in pregnancy one viable and went to the 11th week. I'm now sitting in an apartment in prague with my DH where we are having a little holiday and a DE cycle. Our first attempt like this and we never thought we'd be here. DH is very contemplative this week and reading FF himself taking in all these other stories. we went to see someone at Zita West who coordinates all their patents thinking of DE and she's a really great source of practical information advice and support if.you're not sure what to do or how to approach.  We found a new private clinic and.second opinion and this expert advice really useful. I now feel very at home on the DE cycle thread with other ladies doing the same. It's a big step so take time to look into it. But at the same time it's a step you may become very comfortable with as your perspeClive on what's important and what your options are changes. Good luck xxx


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## Rabbit100 (Oct 26, 2010)

Hi Victoria,

I'm so sorry for your losses, it's such a tough time getting the joy of those hard fought for BFPs only for them to be taken away again.

I don't have any advice on DE or thoughts on that, it wasn't a road my husband and I looked at. But I was wondering if you had considered or had testing for immune issues, I had 4 miscarriages and infertility thrown into the mix my issue was immunes.  There is more on my journey in another post a little further down called looking for a glimmer of hope, so won't repeat myself. Just wanted to throw that into the mix and suggest you take a look at the immune issues part of this forum too.

Take care and I wish you luck on whatever path you choose
Rx


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## Victoria38 (Apr 17, 2015)

Hi Ladies,

Thanks so much for the reply's I am most grateful to hear your stories.

Maggiephatcat your little boy is gorgeous and its wonderful to see a happy ending after all you have gone threw. I will have a look threw the threads you suggested its such a busy site, plenty for me to read. I wont be short of people to chat to on here.

BlinkButton you have gone threw so much to get to where you are today. All those cycles of ivf must have been so tough. I only did ivf once and never made it to egg collection and I hated it so I can only imagine how draining it would be to go threw it a few times. Now you have moved onto DE you wont have to go threw all the stimulation drugs so that's a good thing. You must be so excited, nervous, scared ect all at the same time. I will cross my fingers for you it works and hope you will be on your way to being a mummy. We will go threw the counselling to help us decide the best route for us to take. It's amazing that there is woman out there willing to donate there eggs to others, this option wasn't available some years ago. Ooh good luck to you both and I hope for the best outcome.

Rabbit100 so sorry to hear all you have been threw, as if mcs isn't enough without infertility thrown into the mix. I was over a year trying to get pg the 2nd time and I thought I was going off my head. Infertility really drives you insane   How amazing you got a happy ending after all that. The 1st thing we have to do after my mc ends is for us to go threw the recurrent mc tests and we can take it from there. If they don't find a reason then I will presume its the age of my eggs and we can decide on our next plan.

Thanks again Ladies Xxx


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## ScaryButExciting (Jan 29, 2015)

Hiya - so sorry for you... Must be really really hard... Just wanted to echo Rabbit, you might be interested in reading up on immune issues and the impact on infertility and/or miscarriages... I did not have any idea about this until I started comparing clinics and the approaches they take...


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## Honeybee75 (Feb 9, 2015)

Hi Victoria

I can understand as I too waited for the right person and we didn't start trying until I was 37, I knew it might take a little longer with my age but after ttc for 2 years and getting married we thought we should do some investigations and it turned out that my DH's sperm weren't quite as good as they could be so that hit us quite hard (as well as being told we could have been squeezed in for a cycle on the NHS but with 2 months to go before my 40th birthday and my DH being a smoker, albeit light, we were denied).

I haven't been pregnant so I can't possible understand how hard and upsetting it would be to miscarry, it's so unfair   worth checking up on the immune issues, as others' have advised.

After a little research we decided to go to the Czech Republic for treatment (cost, waiting time and innovation) and I know there's a few ladies on the Reprofit cycle buddies thread who have been/are going to use DE so have some knowledge of the procedure if you wanted a little insight. Although, as you mentioned, if you're getting pregnant with your OE will this solve the problem? I am sure you will be able to find someone on ff who has been in a similar situation and they will be able to offer much better advice than me. 

All I would say is, don't lose faith, you will become a mummy one day  

Lots of love and luck xx


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## Rabbit100 (Oct 26, 2010)

Hi Victoria,

Certainly does send you mad, but I do realise that I am incredibly lucky to have our lb so the pain of the journey has gone because without that we wouldn't have him.

That sounds like a logical plan to go through the recurrent miscarriage tests and take it from there, one thing I would say though is if nothing comes up on those it won't necessarily mean that it's definitely old eggs.  If immunes are the issue, then whether you do OE or DE cycles there would be a miscarriage risk because immune issues basically mean your body attack the embryo because it's seen as a foreign body and your defences kick in to protect you (and attack the baby in the process). Immune meds basically suppress the immune system for the 1st trimester to allow the baby to grow enough to get to the point where it's strong enough.

On a more positive note, one thing I read on here somewhere in recent months that I thought was reassuring, was in the days before the pill/Ivf/egg donation average age of women's last pregnancies was something like 44. So it does suggest that for the average woman there are some good eggs in there well into her 40's.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you
Rx


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## Honeybee75 (Feb 9, 2015)

I'll second that, Rabbit - my grandma had her last baby at 45 and (as it was her 5th) I'm pretty sure they weren't even trying for one


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## noteasy (Apr 4, 2013)

I also support the idea of getting your immunes looked at: you seem to have little trouble getting pregnant so perhaps your 'issue' is in retaining the pregnancy.

And in the meantime, if you fall naturally pregnant again, you can get yourself to a private clinic lickety split who can manage your levels to give you the best chance to see it through the touch-and-go early weeks.

Good luck!


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## Victoria38 (Apr 17, 2015)

Thanks for the reply's again ladies,

Like you all say the most sensible thing for me to do before anything else would be to get those tests carried out so I can rule out any hidden problems. I'm hoping I can get past this mc soon. I've had brown spotting for 5 days now but today I had some red blood but no pains yet. It gave me a feeling of dread today when I saw blood  (sorry if tmi) the memories just flooded back, my last mc was only 6 months ago and I remember the pain I was in. I just want to get it over with.

Long ago there was a lot of ladies having babies in there mid 40s, I know 2 elderly ladies and they both told me there mums were 45yr when they gave birth so it's no always impossible.  

Rabbit100 I hope you don't mind me asking but was your mcs at early stages of pregnancy?You must have to pinch yourself everyday having a little boy after all you have been threw, your proof miracles do happen. Stories like that help me regain my faith 

Xxx


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## Rabbit100 (Oct 26, 2010)

Hi Victoria,

I'm happy to answer any questions either on the board or if you want to private message me that's fine too. All my m/c were between 7-8 weeks 3 were following natural pregnancies and 1 following an IUI. I know when I was in your shoes in my hunt for answers I needed to find positive stories, to keep me hopeful that it could happen and my time would come and also to know if there were any avenues or investigations that I hadn't explored.

How you are feeling now is totally normal, knowing what's ahead and just wanting it to be over, it's so hard and I'm so sorry that you have this to deal with. There is also the pregnancy loss board with some very supportive threads on there. 

Also I'm not sure if you are into this at all but one thing I did after some of my mc was have some reflexology sessions.  I thought it helped on a couple of counts, firstly taking time out for me to just relax totally after such a horrible time, secondly it also helped get my hormones and cycle back in order quickly. So when I was emotionally and physically strong enough for us to start trying again that my body / cycles weren't holding me up.

Take care of yourself and if you have any other questions just ask
Rx


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## Victoria38 (Apr 17, 2015)

Hi Rabbit,

I did try reflexology once, I was having acupuncture at the same time and that was when I fell pg the 2nd time. The lady that gave me the treatment was excellent but she retired so I will need to find someone else to give me reflexology. I really love a foot massage so I will defiantly treat myself  

I see your pg again, congratulation I wish you goodluck. Its just so very scary when its early days. Are you going to get a early scan? 

Xx


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## Rabbit100 (Oct 26, 2010)

Thanks Victoria, I hadn't mentioned on this thread given what you are going through.  

We've had a couple of early scans, we're very lucky to have a v supportive NHS consultant who's keeping a close eye on me/us.  Things aren't 100% on track yet, we've seen a heartbeat but it's a bit behind size wise for dates, so need to go back again next week for another scan.  This time, I approached trying for this baby v differently, I went into this accepting that the chances of being lucky for a 2nd time were low, so it was more about giving it a go to have no regrets.  If this pregnancy doesn't end up viable then I will undoubtably be upset but Im not scared in the same way as before, more frustrated at the not knowing, I know what ever hand I'm dealt I will cope with just wish I could skip to the point I know one way or the other. 

Thanks for your thoughts.
I hope you manage to find a new reflexologist and get to have that lovely relaxing foot massage and time out for you.
Take care
Rx


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## Victoria38 (Apr 17, 2015)

Hi Rabbit,

That was probably a silly question I asked you about an early scan when of course you will be after everything your have gone threw.

I know exactly what you mean about having that need to know one way or another. I was so scared when I found out I was pg after my last 2 mcs and that 4 weeks was the longest tense time ever and I was so grumpy! I kept wishing I could jump to the 2nd trimester, it really is an awful feeling and I'm so jealous of all the pg people in the world that enjoy there BFP without a worry, its just not fair is it. I wish you a good outcome for your next scan, you just never know, put your feet up and try to get plenty rest. 

That's good your getting plenty support Xx


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## CrazyHorse (May 8, 2014)

Hi, Victoria, I'm sorry you're finding yourself here, but there is a lot of good support on these boards. I suspect the reason the doctors are suggesting DE is that clearly you can get pregnant with your OE without IVF, so doing OE IVF may not offer you an advantage unless you are able to produce a whole bunch of eggs in one go. One OE option might be to do IVF at a clinic abroad that does preimplantation genetic screening, and do multiple embryo banking cycles until you get a couple that test as genetically normal. Unfortunately, given your age, it is possible that all of your miscarriages to date have been due to chromosomal abnormalities -- without testing the fetal tissue, there's no way to know. (I'm in a similar boat -- my miscarriage in January was probably due to age-related chromosomal abnormalities, but I'll never know.)

It's great that you're getting the recurrent miscarriage testing done, though, because there may be issues that you can address that will enable you to have a successful pregnancy through natural ttc. Likewise, clotting and most immune issues would be an issue on any DE cycle, so it's good to get that sorted out before spending the money on DE. Of course, there's also much less time pressure with DE, so it won't do any harm take a few years to ttc naturally before taking that step.

Wishing you lots and lots of luck!


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## Victoria38 (Apr 17, 2015)

Hi Crazyhorse,

Thank you for the reply & I'm sorry to hear you have been threw so much difficulties as well. It's very hard to work out what to do for the best when your up in the air with let downs & heart break. I have so little confidence to try again with my own eggs and I fear they may all have chromosome faults. I was disappointed I didn't get threw my ivf in January because I was hoping they would get a few eggs off so I could get a better idea about the quality but it wasn't to happen and I never expected my reserves to be that low. At least I will get a better picture once they do the mcs tests. You suggested going abroad for embryo banking/genetic screening, I'm not sure if I could have this treatment done if I didn't get threw ivf the last time? 

I see you are early stages pg again. I can only imagine how nervous you must be feeling   I wish you good luck and I hope you get the baby you so deserve, everybody deserves a rainbow Xxx


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## CrazyHorse (May 8, 2014)

Thanks, hon, we are hopeful, but it's a long way to go yet.

If you've only had one OE IVF cycle, you may get very different results on a different protocol. Unfortunately, there's a lot of trial and error in finding the drug protocol that works best for each person -- not what you want to hear at £4,000+ a go, I know! That was one reason I went abroad on the most recent cycle -- I was really tired of paying UK prices for educated guesswork.


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## Victoria38 (Apr 17, 2015)

Hi Crazyhorse,

When I was offered ivf threw the nhs they offered me 2 cycles but after the poor response my 2nd try was taken from me and I was given the donor egg speech. The hospital I used was Aberdeen (North East Scotland) and they told me I'd be wasting my money going private and trying anything else. I have read of some ladies trying mild ivf which seems a better choice for 40+ladies. I know I'm limited in Aberdeen and I'm not close to any other fertility clinics. Where did you go for treatment abroad and was it mild ivf you had? Like you say prices are crazy for these treatments and at least if you go abroad you can get it cheaper with the added bonus of a little break away. 

Like you say you just have to be hopeful during early pg stages or else you will drive yourself mad. When I was pg I tried to blank it out, I was resting up watching plenty comedy on my tv. How far along are you? 

Xxx


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## CrazyHorse (May 8, 2014)

I went to Reprofit in Brno (Czech Republic) for the most recent cycle. I did mild IVF this time -- you can see the results of all four cycles to date in my signature. I'm 9 weeks now.

How many mature follicles (> 18 mm) did you get on your IVF cycle, and what drug dosages did they have you on? Was it a long or short protocol cycle?


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## Victoria38 (Apr 17, 2015)

Hi Crazyhorse,

Congratulations on reaching 9 weeks, lots of baby glue from me to you   You have done really well with the mild ivf.

I was put on the ultra short protocol. I had 3 days buserlin and on day 3 I started 300 gonal f injections. I only had 4 follicles at my baseline scan and during my follow up scans I was running a risk of cancellation, I was sweating bullets to say the least and bawled my eyes out as I pinned my hopes on this being the answer. My 4 follicles only measured : 12mm, 14mm, 16mm and 17mm and after all the drugs they made the decision to cancel and revert to iui, BFN. It was the following month after all this that I fell pg naturally, 3rd time lucky I thought   but it was short lived at my 8 week scan. I still haven't passed this mc and I'm back to Aberdeen on Thursday this week for a scan and then I can choose my next option  

You just never know what's round the corner so I will try to remain  

Xxx


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## CrazyHorse (May 8, 2014)

4 follicles is not bad -- you could certainly have gotten the two bigger ones to a mature size for egg collection, and maybe a 3rd one as well. As you can see from my sig, I've never gotten more than 4 eggs in one go, and never more than 3 mature. Probably no point in trying long protocol -- since you had 4 follicles all developing close in size, you clearly didn't have the dominant follicle problem that some of us poor responders have on short protocol. However, you might have just as many follicles on mild IVF (basically, no buserelin and no Cetrotide except maybe one or two injections of Cetrotide at the very end to make sure you don't ovulate before EC).

If you're a poor responder and you really want to give your own eggs a go, you need to cycle with a clinic that will go to egg collection with only a couple of mature follicles. Your clinic in Aberdeen is right about "wasting money" insofar as the probability is you can most likely get pregnant quicker and cheaper with DE. However, money's not the only concern if it's important to you to use OE if possible (which it was for me). 

If you are wanting to continue with private treatment in the UK, it will be much easier for you to get your consultant to go to EC with only a couple of good follicles as it's your money when you go private. The NHS, of course, has to go with their statistical guidelines on when the odds of success make sense vis-a-vis the cost of the procedure, whereas you're at liberty to say you're willing to risk the money with the understanding that you may come out of EC with no eggs at all. 

However, because the odds of getting no eggs (or, if you get eggs, no embryos) is substantial when you go to EC with only a couple of mature follicles, it really makes sense to consider the cost savings of treatment abroad if you want to go that route. I had tried all the "standard" protocols (short, long, flare -- "flare" being another name for what you had) that had a reasonable shot at giving me more than a couple of eggs at a time; and because I had poor results with all, that was what pushed me to give mild IVF a go. I knew I wasn't going to get more than one or 2 embies on a mild IVF cycle, but that's all I'll ever get anyway! So I figured I might as well go for the cost savings and reduced side effects of the mild protocol, and it ended up giving me much better quality embryos.

Unfortunately, there seem to be only a couple of clinics in the UK that do much mild IVF, and they're in London and quite expensive. So, yeah, I definitely recommend taking the plunge with going abroad, if you are thinking you're not done trying with OE at this point. The logistics are daunting, but everything falls into place once you get started.

Wishing you lots of luck, whatever you decide.    

P.S.  I'm really sorry you're still dealing with an mmc situation. It's so hard. I really hope the recurrent m/c tests on the NHS will help you.


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## Rabbit100 (Oct 26, 2010)

Victoria,

I think I spotted that you still hadn't miscarried yet but we're waiting for it to happen naturally or go on for the medical management/pill option.  Have you been offered or considered the Erpc? It should mean as you've had 3 m/c that your hospital should be willing to test it to see if there were chromosomal issues.  I've had all 3 methods and the erpc is over with the quickest and most painlessly, for me it also brought the limbo to a close and meant I could move on quicker.  Although I think some women like the closure of it happening naturally.

I unfortunately have found out it's another missed m/c for me so have elected for the erpc again in order to move on and start trying again sooner.  

Take care and I hope you reach a decision about where to cycle next, there do seem to be quite a few people on these boards who have successes abroad, and given your options sound relatively limited near you

Rx


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## Victoria38 (Apr 17, 2015)

Hi Rabbit,

I'm so very sorry to hear what's happened to you again, this must be so upsetting, you poor thing having to go threw 5 mcs, its so unfair   I'm lost for words here.

I have been 2 weeks waiting for this to happen and tomorrow is my date to go into hospital, I am swaying towards the pill option in the hope it passes quick but thought I'd pack an over night bag just incase it drags out. The 1st time I had a mc I went for the dnc, 2nd I passed naturally which I thought would have happened this time round. I did have an uncomfortable night on Monday as I had pains and passed bright red blood but it settled down again, arrggghhh so annoying! 

It's so very stressful having to go threw mcs and it makes me feel scared and anxious as you just never know what's going to happen, seeing red blood and clots frighten me.

I hope your getting plenty support.

Crazyhorse thanks again for all your help and great advice, you really know your stuff and your very well educated on all this fertility. I have taken on board your advice and its given me plenty food for thought. Its hard to make decisions when all this is going on.

Xxx


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## Victoria38 (Apr 17, 2015)

I will ask about the testing tomorrow although I'm not sure if there will be anything to test if the pg sac is empty


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## Rabbit100 (Oct 26, 2010)

Hi Victoria,

Thank you for your kind words.

That's horrible that it's dragging on so long, hopefully you'll get sorted tomorrow whichever method.  I'm with you, the seeing the clots and blood frightens me, I also really struggled with the pain too.  Have you been signed off work while waiting? I've avoided work this week until this is over.

I'm going in tomorrow too so hopefully this time tomorrow, this will be over for us both and we can move on to recovery mode mentally & physically.

Big hugs take care
Rx


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## Victoria38 (Apr 17, 2015)

Hi Rabbit,

After my scary night on Monday I didn't go to work on Tuesday or today, I was too afraid incase something happened while I was at work, I'm glad I stayed off so I was able to relax/rest up at home. I have packed a little bag for tomorrow just incase but I'm hoping to get home asap, I hate going into hospital but at the same time I want this over with so I have to get on with it. 

I hope everything goes straight forward for you tomorrow, its really horrible haven't to do this. Lets hope its over with quickly and as pain free as possible. I have packed pernaton gel for my tummy I find it really helps with the pain and a hot water bottle. I'm going prepared this time.

Thinking of you too,
Lots of hugs  
Soon be over   Xxx


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