# Adoption then IVF?



## JoBell (Feb 20, 2013)

Hi 

I'm looking for advice from anyone who went through adoption then returned to IVF. 

We've been through 3 attempts of IVF but only got to egg collection once. My polycystic ovaries are stopping the drugs working which means lots of follicles are being produced but they aren't big enough to produce quality eggs. From over 35 follicles, we only got 5 eggs and 3 of them were poor quality. It was a freeze all cycle so both fertilised eggs were frozen. Embryo 1 ended in early miscarriage and embryo 2 didn't stick at all. 

We're now taking a break from IVF and I've been put on Metformin to attempt to control my PCOS. 

Adoption is something we've considered from the beginning and has never been a 'last resort' option so we've decided to look into it further during our break from IVF. One agency has said they wouldn't consider us until we 'give up' on having a biological child but I've found another who are considering us and have arranged a home visit for next week.

Have any of you been through a similar situation? Failed IVF then adoption but with the possibility of returning to IVF after adopting a child?

Any help would be greatly appreciated,
Jo xx


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Hi jobel

The reasons why IVF is not recommended after adoption become very clear once you have actually adopted!!  

The majority of adopted children are all consuming of your time mentally and physically.  Think parenting plus!!

Adopted children benefit from 1-1 attention (over and above what you would expect for their age).  I don't know how anyone could go back to IVF once they've adopted but that's just me  

IVF in my opinion (and the vast majority of LA's) is something you need to try before 100% committing to adoption. 

X


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Agree with Dame Edna who has said exactly what I wanted to but couldn't find the words!


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

We didn't do Ivf but when it became clear we were not going to get pregnant again without assistance decided to go straight to adoption. As such I'm not sure I a, really experienced enough to comment but I would imagine if is all consuming emotionally which might be hard to do when you already have a child or children.

From SW point of view I imagine they will want to know you are fully committed to adoption and it's not a last resort as it might well look if you say you are going back to ivf. Honestly I would tell them you are fully committed to adoption and Ivf is in the past - if you decide down the road to go back to it fine but you might well decide you don't actually want to.


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## dandlebean (Feb 24, 2013)

We adopted a sibling group a couple of years ago and I totally agree with Edna; it's Parenting Plus Plus! Having said that, from next September they'll both be in school full-time and I've recently started to feel like I'd love another child, so have been considering IVF as something for the future. We didn't even look into it prior to adoption. I wanted to adopt and had no interest in IVF back then. However, I hope this doesn't sound awful, but I thought that once I adopted I'd stop wanting a baby...yet I still sometimes feel like I've missed out and I desperately want to do the whole pregnancy, breastfeeding, tiny baby stuff   I wouldn't change adopting for anything...I'm SO glad I did it and I adore my kids - but I still really want a baby :/  

One consideration is whether you'd get funding after adoption. Some CCGs will only give you free NHS cycles if you don't already have children. You'll also need a big gap between adoption and IVF. We're 2.5 years in to adoption and I know it's still too early for me to have another child - my two will need my undivided attention for at least another year, by which time I'll be getting closer to 40, which is another cut-off for the NHS funding and chances of success significantly reduced. Also, if I ever feel it wouldn't be right for my kids, I wouldn't do it. They have to come first. 

If it were me, I'd make sure I was mentally/emotionally prepared to give up all thoughts of IVF for at least the next 5 years (possibly even longer). You'll need that long to get through the approval and matching processes and then give yourself and little one time to settle into life together and form attachments, etc. I don't know much about how hard IVF is, as I've only just started exploring it, but I already know that if it turns out it's something that messes with my emotions too much and means I can't be completely 'there' for my kids, then I wouldn't do it.


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

JoBell


we are one of few families who adopted and then had IVF. 


hopefully you have read my original post by now


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## IVFer2000 (Jun 20, 2016)

Hi, we did IVF, adopted and now are back to IVF. I don't think there is anything wrong with it essentially. You'll know once you've adopted whether you feel you have enough space in the family for IVF again. If you are serious about adopting, I think it's sensible to say to yourself if you end up wanting more kids after, you'll decide how when you get to that point. You don't know how you feel til you get there. 

I don't think it's fair of agencies to say you have to above given up on it totally. It's up to you how you have a family. However I totally get them wanting to ensure you are fully committed.

We said we'd given up on IVF because we had at the time. I didn't expect to want to go back to trying it for our sibling


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## JoBell (Feb 20, 2013)

Thanks for your replies and HUGE apologies for not getting back to you all sooner! I ended up in a complete mess and had a breakdown so I've stayed away from the fertility sites for a while. 

We decided to have one more attempt at IVF before we make any decisions. Adoption is something we're very keen to do anyway so it will be a big part of our lives at some point, whatever the outcome of IVF. 

I do understand why its such a huge thing for social workers and the agencies which is why we thought about it for so long. I couldn't give up on IVF completely so we will keep going with that for now. 

ritzi - no, I don't think I've read your story x

Jules - Its good to hear from someone who has been through adoption and returned to IVF. Thank you! x


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