# Am I worrying for the wrong reasons?



## Peroni (Jun 2, 2008)

Ill regret posting it at all I think, cos Im not normally this weak,but here goes.

Since the last month or two my OH hasnt quite seemed the same in some ways.

Ok Ive had AF in the last 2 weeks, but weve only DTD once since then -he does get tired from work but he always seems to be putting it off. Whenever I suggest spending any quality time together, he doesnt take me up on it unless it involves soinf it with soemone else, going to see family ect. The other excuse is we cant afford it unelss it's something he wants to do IYSWIM, it seems.

We can afford it. We have less outgoings now than a year ago,yet he never even takes me out for a meal just the 2 of us. Ok ,he does but hardly ever. Cos Im working for him he doesnt even have to give me any of his wage anymore like he was doing 6 months ago.

We have separate log-in desktops on the pc but even though I dont use outlook I noticed the other day clicking on a website's "email us" link that he has recently denied permission to access outlook on my log in, even though it never worked anyway cos it isnt set up.

He has turned his PDA off in the lounge in the last 2weeks and normally it is pinging away showing all his received emails for work. He has just got a new fone too -he said the old one was tatty and old, but its here in front of me and like most of his things its immaculate and he could still get emails on that one as it was one fo those PDA style ones.

He's been working late and not emailing/texting me as much, if at all through the day and not letting me know beofrehand he was gonna be late, then when I ask what he's been working on he tells me its the things he knew about, but he never b4 said they were gonna be rushed and last min yet this week he has been back at 9 and 11pm. He keeps saying he doesnt want any dinner making as well.

Basically, Im finding it hard to be all smiley and take his mind off work because it seems he's had a stressful day so doesnt want me to be gloomy, but its hard cos I feel in his way atm.

Do you think its just work wearing him down or do you think you would be wondering if you were me too?

This was really hard for me to post, but I appreciate any feedback -I can take it if you think Im being pathetic, but I dont like feeling like this.

P


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## Charlies-Mum (May 25, 2005)

Hun I think you need to explain how you are feeling to DH. Perhaps you need to talk to ensure things become worse than then should (if you know what I mean). 
You are obviously not happy with the status quo otherwise you wouldn't have posted.

No magic words of advice but sending you a huge 

Deb


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## Lully77 (Apr 11, 2008)

Hi ya

All these bits and pieces are building up and it may be that they are totally unrelated to each other but it's hard to stop your imagination running away with itself.   

Get it out in the open and have a good sort out - maybe over a bottle of wine at the weekend when he's a bit more chilled out?

Good luck hun!

Lully x


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Hi P 

I am sorry to read your post hun, seems like others have said things could be inocent but without his attention support and his behaviour hes not doing much to stop you and us  thinking the worse  
I hope you can bring this into the open, and when you do turn it around and ask him what he would be thinking if it was you doing all these things and the shoe was on the other foot spo to speak
We have a special board here on FF unfortunatly you dont have enough posts yet to access it (its hidden)
as soon as you do I will move this for you, I really hope things are not what we think from reading your post and that he honestly is just stressed and tired and not thinking about how his actions may upset you.
Take care and post again  

~Dizzi~


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## Peroni (Jun 2, 2008)

Thanks ever so much for your support ladies -I really appreciate it. Things seem a bit better today and some of the things I realise maybe I was jsut reading into too much, cos he's jsut not got time for anything atm -hes at work now delaing with something that has gone wrong -I called into the office so I was there to see it.

His PDA is broken and thats why he ahs a new fone cos its better than the last one for recieving email ect and he is due an upgrade. The rest I think is jsut work. It ahs always gotten in the the way as it is his own(and 2 other guys') company.

I do think I ened to ahve a word with him about spending money and time spent togather but I think he realises he needs to put mroe effort in -he was saying words to that effect last ngiht, so Im sure I can bring it up and sort it -I just have to catch him relaxed, like tomorrow.

I cant thank you all enough for giving me another perspective on things and for the encouragement to have the balls to sort it.

Thnaks  x P  x


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi Peroni

I've only just seen this post hun, however, I am so pleased to read that you have managed to start a dialogue with him even if you've not yet managed to sort anything concrete out as yet.  

The picture you paint in your initial post would make anyone suspicious hun, so it's not you being paranoid BUT often these things are completely unrelated and have innocent explanations.  I was having a confidence crisis a couple of months ago and was feeling very vulnerable and insecure as a result I was looking for inconsistencies in his behaviour and hyper-alert to anything suspicious.  Luckily I'm quite self-aware and knew what I was doing and so tried to keep it in perspective, since my confidence crisis has left me I've come to the conclusion he just is inconsistent!   All the time and that it's nothing new! 

I hope you manage to have the conversation tomorrow hun, try to avoid blaming statements and see it as a way to reach compromises and meet both your needs rather than accusing him of allsorts that he more than likely hasn't done! 

 you manage to sort it all out and it's just a blip! 

Axxxxxxxx


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