# Siblings and Wobbles



## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi all
We've been linked to two young siblings, aged 1 and 2. This is exactly what we wanted and whenever we thought about just one child I always felt disappointed. 

But now I'm doubting myself and worrying. Our SW thinks we will be fine. My parents live 160 miles away but will come down every week and will be in background / foreground as required, depending on how the LOs react etc. 

DH works long hours but is reducing his days and hours for the first couple of months. 
The LOs don't appear to have emotional issues or witnessed anything that worries us or SWs. I know this isn't always a full picture BTW but know it's a good start. 

But been reading ******* and people saying how tough it is. Others I tell will laugh and say I'm taking a lot on. 
I know I'm taking a lot on. My nieces are adopted as a sibling group and the first 8 months or so looked so hard, but now they are a happy family, of course there are still issues but nothing frightening.

Anyway what I'm after is reassurance. I'm not naive but also haven't done this yet so can't appreciate how I will feel. I fully expect hard times, frustration, tantrums, feeling out of my depth etc. but I also expect joy and a sense of doing good. 

My sister hasn't tried to stop me doing this, and she has been through it. 
I guess that shows it must be worth it. She loos tired, admittedly, but happier than I've ever seen her. 

I go from excitement to dread. But I actually feel that these LOs are the ones, I've turned down a prior link so know the difference between a link that feels right or wrong. 

Any reassurance greatly received. Is it normal to feel so nervous? 
Thank you 
GG xxxxx


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Hello goofy girl  
Congratulations on your link.  Whilst we have only gone for 1 little one, the way you are feeling sounds pretty much the same as I did.  Once we had our link I went from utter excitement to complete panic on an hourly basis, worrying whether I would be able to cope.  I appreciate 2 is totally different to 1 but what I'm trying to say is what you're feeling is completely natural. I'm sure those who've adopted a sibling group will be along to offer advice but just wanted to try and reassure you a bit.  Yes it will be very tough for the first few weeks and months, but that will be the case whether you adopt 1, 2 or 3.  Even the toughest days though have flashes of the amazing times you'll have once things settle down.  It is far better to be realistic like you are being and accept it is going to be tough, than going into it thinking it will be plain sailing.  Hopefully the reality will be somewhere in the middle.
Good luck.


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Thanks so much for replying Sq9

I've mentioned on the recently approved thread (a couple of times) and the recently matched thread that I'm feeling terrified some of the time and asked if others feel the same. I've had not one response so thought everyone else was just excited. 

If I hadn't had the experience of seeing my sister and nieces then I think I'd be less scared and more excited but yes I suppose better to be prepared. 

I worry that it will go wrong and I'll ruin my lovely hubby's life as he always said we should go for one! But now he's the one getting excited about these two. 

Xxxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Will realigns let when bubbas arr in bed xx


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hahaha love that Diva
Sign of a busy mummy  
Look forward to your response thanks xxx


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## MummyPhinie (Oct 27, 2013)

Hi goofy

Great news on your link, it is very exciting times and completely nerve racking!

I can really empathise with how you are feeling. A lot of your concerns as sq9 said would be the same for all adopters thinking of 1,2 or 3 children. I had all those same concerns and issues. I knew that I only wanted to do this once, so a single was out. We actually had 3 children placed with us this summer all under 5 years, they gave us everything we wanted and more.
It is not easy, every day is a challenge, but this varies greatly. We. Can have amazing days where everything clicks and others where it all goes pear shaped and all children are rotten! This usually is exacerbated by my health and stress. I admit that some days I just want to curl up in bed and ignore everything, I cried quite a bit and felt shell shocked, but thankfully they are few and far between. I worried on fleeting moments that we made a mistake, but then they just melt your heart and that goes away rapidly! I don't have a big support network and don't live very close by so I have had to be resilient and extremely organised.
Having said all that, I wouldn't want life any other way. I love being a mummy, it is the best feeling in the world. I may look horrendous, I may neglect myself at time but I overall have never been so happy and content. They have such fantastic personalities and quirks, even the concerning behaviours, or concerns around the neglect they experienced fades as the nurturing instinct kicks in. Me and my dh were ready for a change in ours lives (although getting a rare lie in the other morning we missed those lazy days and thinking about fancy holidays ). Things will change for your dh too, especially at the beginning but it will settle out eventually. But all I can say is seeing your partner be the daddy that you knew they could always be realised in front of you is amazing, I have been brought to tears a number of times.
It's not going to be easy, but being a mummy never is. I hear stories of new mums with tiny babies screaming all night with reflux or horrendous birth experiences and think, phew thank god that's not me. I also see my amazing mummy friends that always seemed so perfect with their kids, when in reality now I see them through different eyes and they share the same issues. You see it everywhere in parks, supermarkets and all I think, is I'm glad that my kids are 'normal'!! I think if you have that outlook at beginning then things won't come as too much of a shock. 
My tips would be think long and hard, regrets later down the line will eat you up and won't be healthy for anybody. I planned how I would manage day to day before they arrived so I could feel organised. When they come get as much done whilst they are asleep, plan, be as organised as you can, look after yourself,but above all communicate with your dh and share the load!
Wishing you all the best. If you feel these are the perfect and right children for you then everything else will fall into place.

Wow can't believe my 2 littlest let me type all that with out interruption, although I'm getting demands for help to build a Lego car so mush dash!!


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Again my experience is a little different but now as a mummy of two under two (but only just, it's nearly birthday time   ) I can tell you the fear is normal! I wasn't so scared adopting little pink but the impending birth of baby blue filled me with dread. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't swap it for the world but I did go through the 'I don't want this' stage. I was so scared, like you say, of upsetting the life we had. I didn't know how I was supposed to split myself in two and some days still struggle. But that's where your support network is vital. Ask for help. I am sometimes too proud too which is stupid. I think ultimately because I've got what I've always wanted I feel ashamed to admit I'm having a rubbish day or struggling with my babies. I feel guilty still when I feel down, but that's normal! I had a breakdown on MIL a while back and now do ask for help more and don't try and be supermum. I get the kids out everyday, no matter what. Double buggy or single and sling is your best friend! There is jealousy from my daughter understandably so I try to indulge her in special time when baby sleeps, and vice versa. It's tough with two, but we all have our own challenges. On the whole we've finally 5 months in settled into a pretty good routine but it takes time. Yes you'll be tired but you do get used to that. And I keep thinking it's not forever! For I am the lady with the screaming reflux baby...   Being anxious now shows you're being realistic, very healthy. Asking for advice shows how much you already care. You will be fantastic xxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I remember at your point thinking everyone is telling me I'm brave / no idea what I'm letting myself in for particularly regarding the age of my eldest and taking on two. I thought well actually neither do you unless you've taken on two children at once one of which is seriously emotionally affected by what they've been through so ignore all preachy parental well meaning poop. I mostly thought what am I going to do with themall day? That worried me a lot.  How would I manage two. The fact is I don't know any different and I think the emotional shock is the big thing and I think that's the same one or two. 

With two get practical and plan not big things but little things how wil you get in and out the car / house etc smoothly plan a system and use it. E.g. car get stuff by door get children ready get children in car seats throw pile of stuff in boot. Out car buggy up child in buggy second child go. These are the things that makeand break your days early in. I was okay because I thought it through.  

The things I struggled with were sleep my youngest didn't she was a bad sleeper for fc and it went onto steroids on arriving here. She's now okay touch wood. My eldest didn't nap so I didn't have a moment without them to do anything.  Put a load of washing on every morning even if it's a half load it keeps you on top of laundry.  Sod the cleaning.  Post 4 pm is not a good time so have easy throw in the oven quick cook teas or a slow cooker so prep is done much earlier in the day. 

I'm glad we got siblings we don't have to do it again we felt a complete family from moment one and their relationship is gorgeous much closer than most their ages. You will be tired but great xxxx


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi Pumperkin, thanks so much, I may just take you up on that offer later down the line!! I remember following your posts and it sounded really hard, its so wonderful to hear how things are now. Its really nice of you to say that and be so supportive   And good to know that it's ok and normal to cry, I know I will cry as that's how I roll!
I love you people on this forum!!!

Phinie, I am in awe of you! Taking on 3 is just mega!! You must be one chilled customer  
Yes the more time goes on the more sure I am that these are the ones. I don't doubt them for a second, just the magnitude of what we are embarking on is hitting me, and I think that's just the tip of the iceberg, the reality will probably hit us like a tonne of bricks! And it feels impossible to fully prepare for that.
But hearing how you people are getting on a few months on is so reassuring, thanks.

Thanks Lolly. Oh no poor you, and baby! Hope the reflux gets better. Yeah I just want to do the best we can, seeing it for real with my sister is a privilege not many adopters have, but with that privilege comes the knowledge of how hard it can be, and what sort of issues there can be etc.
Otherwise I think we would have worried a bit less. Definitely going to invest in a sling, we have a sling library near us. Seen the double buggy I want, can't wait to get it. We have been given two single buggies by friends and family already. Think getting out daily will be a very good idea.

Have had a good chat with our SW today, and another with DH, feeling loads better now. Feel excited again, but no doubt the terror will re-emerge (probably tomorrow!)

Thanks again xxxxxx


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Diva - fantastic tips thanks so much, hadn't even thought about an in car system, that is great advice.
Haha yes the preachy parental poop does grate rather!! 

Yes that's why we wanted siblings too, so they have each other, and so we don't have to risk doing it again with the added complication of upsetting the first child all over. That must be extremely tough itself.
Also seeing my sister and her family now is just amazing and we would love the same. My nieces are awesome, no matter how hard work they were for my sister, she and her OH adore them, I'm so glad they are in our family, seems it was always meant to be.

We will definitely practise the car routine, and good tips about food, washing too thanks xxx


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## scoobydooby (Nov 5, 2013)

We adopted sibling sisters, 1 & 2 years old. The first month or so of our youngest coming home was extremely hard work (they were with different FC's so didn't come home at the same time) and there were a few occasions we sat down and asked each other 'what on earth have we done?' because they had been living apart with different FC's they had different sleeping patterns, different routines etc etc
You just have to stick at it and everything soon falls into place. We are one big happy family now and it has all been so worth it I can't put it into words!


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Great thanks scooby
Am getting excited now 
Looking at their photos, can't believe our luck 
Congratulations on your lovely family xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

You'll be amazing and we'll always be here for tough days xxx ekkkkkk excited for you !


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Thanks so much Diva
I'm so glad I have you guys to talk to who understand


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## 06tigerfeet (Jul 16, 2014)

Hi goofygirl..

I'm the same as you, we go to matching panel in a few weeks for siblings and I'm excited and anxious at the same time! I've actually started to say my worries out loud (when alone lol) and it helps me rationalise them.. Don't know if that sounds strange but really helps me.. I think its natural for any parent to worry before their child/ten come along.. I'm sure we'll be laughing about this once we have them and we are all settled as a family..


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi tiger feet

Congratulations on your link. Glad I'm not alone in the sibling wobbles at the moment  

That sounds like a good idea, I'm off work tomorrow so might just try that.  Luckily I have a dog to talk to who always listens with great interest. 

Good luck with M Panel. Ours is december with intros in January. 

Xx


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## weemoofrazz (Sep 6, 2013)

Hi GoofyGirl

We took on siblings ages 2 yrs 8 months and 6 years old just a month ago! I have to say that just like many others I went through a real tough time for the first few weeks, it's an emotional rollercoaster and it's tough. Having said that it is getting better day by day. A good routine and support from friends and family really helps. Even although we have our issues I wouldn't change having two boys together at the same time. You will cry, and it will be hard work, but it is very worth it!


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hello Weemoofrazz

I'm so happy to hear that, thank you for replying. I remember seeing your post when things were tough and I'm delighted that things are improving already. 
Congratulations to you, I hope the little ones are settling in well, I bet you have a truly lovely family  

I know it can also be tough in the future but I'm hopeful that once we have attached to the children and really love them I'll feel able to tackle obstacles as they arise. The first few weeks worry me but thanks to you ladies, and my lovely SW and DH I'm feeling much more positive and excited.  

Can't stop nesting, the house has never been so clean and I've been ruthlessly throwing stuff out that I used to think was worth keeping. Xxx


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