# Teling



## pyjamas (Jun 24, 2011)

Our LO will be 3 in April. At what age should we be introducing the idea of being adopted?  x


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Hi pyjamas 

We introduced the idea as soon as she came home. Sometimes as I cradled her with her bottle I'd tell her the story of how mummy couldn't grow a baby in her tummy and how we adopted her and how happy we were that she was our daughter. Of course she hadn't a clue of the words I was saying but it normalised it for us and became quite normal. She now, aged 4, doesn't remember a time when she didn't know. We got her life story book when she was around 14 months old, and again this has been a permanent fixture in her room to look through as and when she wishes. Sometimes we read it together, sometimes I come down and the pages are strewn everywhere and she's looked herself. Initially we just talked about the pictures, eh, 'look there you are with X, there you are with L your foster carer'. She she little so didn't question things, it again just got her used to the language. Around the age of two I started saying things like 'oh look that lady has a baby in her tummy, you grew in Xs tummy and then mummy and daddy adopted you'. I elaborated as her age and understanding increased. She is now 4 and a little bit, and she really knows her story well. She knows that she grew in Xs tummy and why she couldn't keep her safe the way mummy's are supposed too, how she made some bad choices and didn't understand how to give babies nice food and warm clothes. I tell her that despite this she loved her, her brain just doesn't work the same way that mummy's does. We keep in touch with foster carers and we've been back to their house and she's looked at her room and the toys she used to play with as a baby. We meet around 3 times a year. She has always drawn a picture to add to our letterbox with birth family so I involve her that way too. We also have stories, such as the teasles baby bunny book. Reading all this and it sounds like it's all we talk about but of course it isn't, we've just drip fed things for years and so she is very accepting. She tells people she's special!

I do believe the sooner the better so that she never has a 'bombshell' moment. We were always told that those most comfortable with their adoptions were those that don't remember a time where they didn't know. I hope that some of these ideas help. Good luck!


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

We're  the same here. AD came to us at 12 months and from the day she came I told her - I talk a lot so if she had been a birth child I would have been talking about her being in my tummy and when she came home from hospital - instead I talked about when we first saw her and when we brought her home. Obviously for a long time she didn't understand a word I was wittering on about. She's 4 and a half now too and does understand as much as she can where she came from. She does occasionally ask me questions now about her history and we have photo albums that show her journey rather than a life story book.

My two youngest also her me prattling on about when they came to us but are too young to understand yet.


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## pyjamas (Jun 24, 2011)

She likes to look at life story book and I do try to tell her about it but I am not sure how much she understands as she never asks questions whereas with most other things she is all questions!  x


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

My daughter talks non stop and asks questions constantly about everything under the sun but the adoption questions are rare and quite recent. I think when they are very young it's partly that's just how it is and they accept it, then possibly at some point they want to understand but are not quite sure what they want to ask. The questions will come - just give her time.


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## Ozzycat (Mar 18, 2013)

Our little girl is 2 and her favourite book is called the teazles it's about a mummy and daddy bunny who adopt a baby bunny... its a very good introduction xx


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