# What would you do?



## savoy (Dec 4, 2007)

We have two beautiful children. After our first we tried for 12 months to conceive no 2, tests showed dh had poor motility & morphology but count was normal. Referred for icsi and we ended up with precious baby no 2. Sadly we lost one twin during the pregnancy & I delivered one live and one stillborn baby. I carried my little boy for 14 weeks knowing he had died but had to get our other twin to a good gestation. Anyway I am
Tortured with what to do now. We have the option of another icsi treatment within the next few months but I don't know what to do.here's the issues: 
-I want another baby, Is that wrong/greedy?
-Am I too old, 39?
-my last pregnancy was the hardest thing I've ever done, I was so scared, sad, lonely carrying my little boy knowing he wouldn't make it. 
-as my message starts, I have two
Beautiful children, isn't that enough?
-I'm still Breastfeeding although plan to stop in a few months but don't want to cut my baby short if clinic call soon 
I am at a total loss as to what to do & I literally have a few weeks to decide. Dh will do what I want as he knows that motherhood is such an emotional thing for me. I am more afraid of pregnancy than the icsi 
treatment. In one way I just want to draw a line and say I have my two children albeit by the skin of my teeth but a part of doesn't feel ready to close the door. Oh last thing my amh 2 years ago was 11 so I
Presume it's a lot worse now. 
Any thoughts/opinions? 
Thanks


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## julia3620 (Dec 12, 2010)

Hello Savoy,

I read your post and it sounds as if you are going through a very tortuous time and that you are facing tough decisions. It is of course a very personal decision and you will know your feelings and body best. I was wondering would you consider talking to a counsellor? It might give you the time and space to understand how you are feeling at a deeper level and to know in a surer way what is right for you to do and allow you to take your next step feeling more sure in yourself. 

I think there are specialised counsellors in fertility issues and they have a professional accreditationprocess so it should be possible to find one with specialist knowledge.

I wish you well in your decision making process and certainly wish you very well in it.

Best wishes

Julia


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## Mibbles (Jun 28, 2008)

You sound like a very strong lady - having gone through all that. I'm going to be 41 when I have twins next year - bringing our brood to 3 so you are certainly not old. 
Each pregnancy is different but I can understand your fears. Why don't you wait and see how you feel when the call from the clinic comes through. If your gut reaction is pleasure then that tells you something. Equally if you feel concerned then maybe it's not right.
It's a difficult one to advise on as it's so personal to you.
All the best with what ever you decide
Xxx


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## Attagirl (Jun 28, 2012)

Savoy

You have clearly been through a difficult time, but have come out the other end. I think sometimes past experience makes up overthink things. If you want another child go for it. Take each day at a time. I would ask the docs what the likelihood is of the same complications occuring. If minimal (or no higher than someone who hadn't had them before) I would go for it. You certainly aren't too old.

Good luck whatever you decide!


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## savoy (Dec 4, 2007)

Thank you for the replies. Mibbles congrats on your twins. I hope my post didn't frighten you. What happened Our baby boy was rare and unrelated to ivf treatment or my age. Just very bad luck. I hope all goes smoothly for you. 
I guess I can see how lucky we are with two children & I don't want to push my luck. But then I also think there's nothing lucky about infertility and if we didn't have these problems we wouldn't have thought twice about going for another baby. I went through incredible guilt about our baby not surviving, and I worry that god forbid anything would be wrong with a future baby I wouldn't cope too well. I know I'm jumping the gun anyway as surely the odds of it working again are low for us. But either way a decision will have to be made soon. Thanks so much for the food for thought. Best of luck on all your journeys.


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## galprincess (Nov 12, 2007)

Savoy my mummy had us (twin girls ) in late 30s she was 37 and she had our elder bro and sis 13 aqnd 14 when she had twin newborns she wanted 1 more and ended up with us id dare anyone to call her old she was by far and still is the best mum ever she has life experience and is funny and open and honest and isnt irresponsible she is totally amazing if you want to chance your luck i say do it for me id rather try and fail than look back and wonder but thats just me and 39 is not old lady!!!! you are blessed to have 2 children and they are truly blessed to have you i wish you all the luck whatever you decide im 27 now and my mum is 65 and still gorgeous only now she has her grandchildren to love too she still walks 2 miles each way to work xxxx


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## savoy (Dec 4, 2007)

Galprincess thanks for your upbeat post! I feel like I've aged 50 years after my last pregnancy but I guess I'm not too old. Did I see a bfp in your signature? Congrats. Enjoy it all


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## mfmcmoo (Jul 16, 2010)

Hi Savoy

This will be a quick post - I also have 2 beautiful babies at the moment, but am thinking of having another one - same thoughts as you - and did not post on any forums here as I thought it may appear "greedy" and "over the hill". But we will see. I have been breastfeeding my little one now for 9 months, but had dilemmas too as I wanted to start taking DHEA, but looking into it, it says not while breastfeeding (although I am not convinced as there are no studies to indicate either way). So I have waited until now to start the supplements. Also, had the dilemma that you are much more fertile just after giving birth and if you stop breastfeeding, you are likely to start ovulating sooner, so chance would be higher of conceiving. But I could not bring myself to stop breastfeeding so early - 1) because of giving my little one the benefits of breastfeeding 2) because I loved breastfeeding 3) I thought - what if I don't have another baby - this will be my last experience of breastfeeding
In my journey - I learnt that it was better for me to be well prepared (your body) than worry too much about another 3 months or so - I wish I had not rushed into my first IVF without doing my homework. 
Good luck - and I look at wanting another baby as - I have so much love to offer another baby, that it cannot possibly be wrong to want another one.
Regards
Moo


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## julia3620 (Dec 12, 2010)

Hello,

Can someone please tell me about DHEA and its benefits? Do many women use it?

Julia


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## mfmcmoo (Jul 16, 2010)

Hi Julia

There is a whole section on DHEA. It is basically a steroid, naturally produced by the body, but as you get older it declines. Taking DHEA supplements restores some of this and some clinics are now prescribing for those who are over 40 to take it to help with the quality of eggs.
See http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=498.0


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## JJ Mum (Mar 5, 2012)

You had a really tough pregnancy and birth, I can see that this will have left you feeling very mixed feelings about another pregnancy. X  As for being too old , I'm 39 and have just had a failed cycle of ivf, and hope to have my one remaining embie transfered in oct, and if that doesn't work I will have to try and get some money together to try once more before I stop, and I will then be 40!! 

As for the feelings of being greedy, I have 4 wonderful kids, Once I had 3 I was complete, and then as I got older my emotions and feelings changed, and had one more.  I have tube issues now and so looking to ivf to bring my dream of baby 5 to reality.  Just wanted to say don't try to push your feelings of incompleteness, or wanting another baby to the back of your mind, they will resurface and then it may be later on , sorry to be too direct but having been there myself,  just follow your heart.. XX


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## lea197 (Jul 4, 2012)

hi guys I'm going through IVF at the min and iv created a website about what I'm going through and hope to help others with problems with trying to get pregnant and how much of a rollercoast journey me and my husband are going through there is a button on for donations but that is only to keep the site running and only if you want to the site address is 

www.myivfjourney.com

/links


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## malabar girl (Feb 23, 2010)

savoy you are only young if you want to have more children then go for it as you said if there were no issues with getting pg you would just got on with it. Life is too short to have only half lived. I have 3 dd 2 natural they are 20 and 13 I had ivf and I have a 17month old and I am only weeks of having my next and last bub but hey when most of my friends were having 50th birthday partys I was having my now 17month old I am now 51 years and happy and I don't care what people think. Check out the over 50's thread to give you hope and a good lol.

Good luck everyone go for it I say and never give up on your dreams no matter how big or small they are love from OZ malabar


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