# Crying when other babies cry



## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Hi all

I wondered if anyone had any experience or advice on this:

Loretta has settled in amazingly well. She is very sociable and loves being out and about. I have not had any problems starting her at baby class ( 3 other babies in large hall) or group at the library ( up to 12 other babies in small room sat on carpet). 
Then this week we went to a Xmas party ( about 6 other children in friends lounge). She was fine to start with but then when a baby cried she got do distressed. Really cried. It was heartbreaking to see. This happened every ten mins or so. I nearly left as was so distressing for her but in between bursts of crying she was fine! 

I've been thinking about reasons for this and do you think it could be because she never went to any mummy baby groups from a young age so just not used to seeing and hearing other babies cry? Or is this just something babies can be upset by anyway? It's difficult to know if this is just a normal baby reaction or whether because of her background it was just all too much for her. 

Thanks in advance for any comments in this

Lorella xxx


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi,

unsure to be honest.

My LO was a bit older but after coming home he cried quite excessively if he heard anyone else crying. He was in fc with a baby and hadn't done this. But it became quite noticeable to me how the crying made him worry - a bit like animals when one starts they all get jittery. I think we underestimate how the move affects pre-verbal ones - but there's nothing that can be done as we didn't make that decision or put there needs second. I just help by being there for LO and building his trust and confidence.

Even now if someone gets upset at nursery he's the one trying to comfort them or let the teacher know that they're upset. It will be interesting in a few years if he can rely some of his feelings about this or if he is just going to show lots of empathy and his caring side.

This is just the thing with adoption - sometimes its just a normal stage youngster and other times theyre may be something to it.  I'll always question myself as i think its good to look beneath the behaviours but sometimes it is a mystery.

x


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

I think there is a developmental stage when they start to show empathy but cannot remember when. If the distress of other babies triggers some of her grief at moving then perhaps best for her to let it out?


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## missowen (Feb 22, 2014)

They do set each other off yes that's completely normal. I think maybe it's a survival thing if one is distressed maybe there's danger somewhere etc...

Humans don't have the ability to empathise until around 12 years of age normally. That is why toddlers are so egocentric and why you're wasting your time trying to reason with them


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Thanks ladies.

I've had a look on line about the developmental stages and it does look like this is a phase some babies do go through. It's coincided with her finding her voice a bit more and her cry has developed into a loud wail so I think that's made it even more heartbreaking to listen to!

I will keep an eye on it and see if it was just a one off or if it develops into a problem. 

Xx


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## Bunny Face (Jan 20, 2008)

Hi lorella, 

My DD also does this, she's 2.5 but has been doing it for a few months.  She gets quite concerned and usually comments on it for a while afterwards too.  I think it's a development phase she is going through (becoming aware of others) but it's difficult not to question everything and wonder whether it's 'adoption related'...

X


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Thanks bunny face. 
Loretta is only 11 months. I just  discovered she has cut her first tooth tonight so that could have something to do with it maybe. Also she's been sneezy and snotty all day too. 
It is so difficult to know if things adoption related or not I agree. I guess we will always have this question as they grow up. 

Xx


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