# So Here We Are.



## OnlyUs (Jan 26, 2015)

Hi Everyone

I am 38 years old based in the Midlands and have been trying to conceive for 11 months.

Everything has come as a bit of a shock to be honest, my partner and I have been together for coming up to 4 years and moved in together 2 years ago. Neither of us have children, and so around this time last year we decided to try for a baby, both of us expecting it would happen quiet naturally.

Every month, I went through my two week wait convinced this would be our month. It was not to be. My other half always thought it would eventually happen, but agreed to try for a baby on the premise I would not turn into a "Conception Monster". 

By late November and at 38 I thought it might be best to get tested in case there was a problem. I saw my GP who said that the waiting list for ivf was sizeable and due to my age it would be best to get onto the waiting list sooner rather than later. 

So she agreed to refer me for a scan on my ovaries, a blood test on everything and to see a fertility clinic.

Expecting the clinic appointment to take a while, I resolved to speak to my other half over Christmas and see what happened with the test.

About 4 days before Christmas I was sitting at my desk at work when my mobile rang and it was a Doctor from the fertility clinic. I was being put to the top of the list due to my age. The cut off for funding for ivf is 39 where I live and not 40 so the plenty of time I though I had was gone and we would have to act now.

Suddenly I was thrown into the position of having a very uncomfortable conversation with my partner, having to explain why we needed to move straight away.

We were at the clinic for our joint appointment this week. I have now had the blood test to see how many eggs I have left(awaiting results) and my partner will have to have sperm test early Feb.

I gave up smoking over Christmas as the Doctor told me smoking would mean we would not get ivf funding and that as I turn 39 in April we would have to start ivf asap and miss out the taking clomid stage, as the ivf had to start prior to my 39th birthday to ensure we had funding. Plus my other half has now had to give up smoking too to ensure we both have been given up for 3 months prior to starting treatment.

My scan (involving dye into the fallopian tubes) is scheduled for Feb.

In the space of a month I am now in panic mode, back footed by the whole process and terribly upset at the rush we are in.

We both want a child, and quite frankly currently everywhere I turn I feel that everyone is pregnant or already has children. I cannot contemplate a future without a child. I could either cry or commit violence, it is that much of a physical reaction when someone I know talks about their children.

So that is my story. I am not sure if it is a common one, but I would be very interested in talking with other women in their late thirties who are in a similar position and have only just started their ivf journey.

Best wishes 
OnlyUs.


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## Twiggy1704 (Jan 17, 2015)

HI Only Us, 

I didn't want to read and run. I am a bit younger than you but I actually think it's a positive thing that things are happening quickly for you.  I have had every test under the sun fron when I was first referred to my local fertility clinic in March 2013.  Due to sheer pushiness I was referred quicker than most for Clomid/HSG/Lap and dye, and only after my first IVF do we now have an answer to the reason why we were not getting pregnant.  I'm not saying that you will have near the same problem, but I would look at it as a positive that things are happening quickly for you.  I wish you lots of luck even though it can be a scary ride at times xx


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## OnlyUs (Jan 26, 2015)

Hi Twiggy
Thank you for responding and so quickly.
It is nice to know that you are not alone and I really wish you well in your journey. Surely if you now have an answer as to why you are not conceiving naturally you know what the next step it.

It is a shame I had my letter inviting me in for my dye test and I have to call on the first day of my new cycle which is today, but I did not get the letter until today after work and so I have now missed this cycle.

Have you been through Ivf already? as I cannot seem to find anywhere that give an accurate idea of how many days are required off work. I do not want to inform my employer and so I will have to use holidays to get the time off work.
OnlyUS
x


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## Hannahsauntie (Sep 26, 2013)

Hi there! I had to reply to you as I practically could have written your story myself a year and a half ago
Wanted to wish you good luck on your journey. 
I also felt like you did, all happened so quickly and we made it to our first meeting at the fertility clinic a month after I turned 39. We were told Ivf was our only option and we had to start ASAP due to my age....we started that month and last August my son was born first time lucky. 
Get on the cycle buddies thread for your month of treatment, it was my life saver to talk about it every day, it's very nerve racking I know but exciting too!!!!
Have got everything crossed for you xx


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## OnlyUs (Jan 26, 2015)

Hannahs Auntie
I cannot tell you how uplifting I have found your message.
Part of me constantly tell me that there is no way this could be successful as it is all happening so fast.

The same part of me also says that at my age, it is impossible to become a mother and I am being somewhat selfish.

All terribly depressing.

But stories such as yours are what I need to hear.

When do you get your cycle buddy? When you start the injections?
OnlyUs


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## Hannahsauntie (Sep 26, 2013)

Am so happy to hear that  
There are so many positive uplifting stories on here from women in our situation and this helped me so much!!
Age is just a number and I felt like you did too, had no hope at all until my clinic told me we were good to start the ivf, I felt like if they believed it could work then they can't be wrong so let's get positive and do everything I can to make it work
The cycle buddies thread is on the treatment section of the forum home page. 
You should find the thread for the month you know you will start treatment
I was october/November 2013 and it usually opens about a month before so you can join.  There will be lots of ladies to talk to during your treatment months and it's fantastic to share the journey
Anything you want to know pm me anytime xxx


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## LuluLimon (Jan 17, 2014)

Hi OnlyUs
Just to echo that its really good your GP & clinic have got you set up pretty quickly. We got pg on our first cycle on NHS aged 37 with really good eggs collected. Your age doesn't go against you and you can eat well to boost eggs for collection. 
There is a lot of useful info on here and agree the cycle buddies or I in between cycles is a good place to start.
If you do long protocol, I took 2 days off for egg collection and afterwards. Transfer was on weekend. I had appointments every other day for 2 weeks but usually only about 2 hrs off work each time. My work had an assisted conception leave policy which is getting more common now. If you use holidays you could ask for slots at start or end of days. Some people only need the one day off for collection as its under anaesthetic and then a couple of hours for transfer.

Good luck- stay positive and relaxed


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Hi OnlyUs  
Even though your letter said to call on Cycle Day 1 I would still give them a call early tmoro. I seem to recall they like to do it on about CD5 or 6 so that there is absolutely no way you are pregnant, so they may still book you in esp if they have a cancellation. 
Good luck  
xx


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## chugabur1972 (Jul 25, 2012)

Hi OnlyUs,

Like Hannahsauntie, I too could have written your story.  

We had our first IVF one month before my 40th birthday.  My partner is younger then me and even though we both talked about having children quite early in our relationship "life got in the way" and before we knew it we too were being catapulted into the crazy world of IVF.  It took a little while for my partner to get his head around it but we both agreed we would regret it if we didn't try.

Unfortunately for us it was unsuccessful but I don't regret any of it.  We are now self funding our 2nd cycle and I'm just waiting for AF to arrive 

I was in a very negative place during our 1st attempt and didn't handle the experience very well.  I was so anxious and bitter about everyone around me with a bump or announcing their pregnancy.  

I would urge you to take each day one step at a time.  That is what I intend to do this time.

There is a lot of fantastic information and support from the ladies on these forums. And many, many positive stories  

Regarding time off......I did long protocol and took annual leave for my ec and et.  I did confide in my boss who was very supportive and she made it much easier for me but I know not every boss is that nice   

Good luck with your journey and keep smiling


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## OnlyUs (Jan 26, 2015)

Hi Ladies
I cannot tell you how hopeful I found your stories and Chugabur I am so glad i am not the only one who is bitter when other mentions their kids.

There is one woman with whom I work a few years younger than I with two kids. All she does is talk about her perfect kids and I want to do terrible things every time she does. All the time I smile sweetly and say nothing.

Anyway the next step next week- other half has his sperm test on Friday next week the 6th and by being really flexible I have managed to get my dye on womb test Tuesday afternoon. I'm pretty nervous about this as I will have to take myself. Is there anything I should be aware of / prepared For?
X


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## Hannahsauntie (Sep 26, 2013)

Try not to be nervous, it's really not as bad as you may think and the radiologists will really make you feel at ease....
I found it to be a lot less uncomfortable than I thougt   and was over very quickly, just relax as much as you can oh and don't get up too quickly like I did and it all sloshed out of me on the floor lol!!
The good thing is they can tell you quite a lot and even show you on screen if you want to xx


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## chugabur1972 (Jul 25, 2012)

I went on my own and it was fine.  I was more embarrassed about sitting in the waiting area in my gown with my ankle boots and bright red socks    

I worked with a lady who announced her pregnancy just days after I went back to work after our failed attempt.  I was really happy for her until she started moaning EVERY day about how uncomfortable she was and they hadn't planned to get pregnant and how annoying it was as she wasn't ready......I had to stop myself from screaming at her.  

Try to switch off from everyone around you, I know it's not easy but this is a very important time in your life and you need to be relaxed and focused on your dream of having a family.  

Good luck with the next step and keep us posted  

Clare xx


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