# THIS IS BRILLIANT, to have found a secondary infertility site.......hello!



## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

i have been suffering such pain at not being able to get pg again and have felt so alone - HOW UTTERLY FAB to find a message board specifically for us!! hello everyone, i live in such a darn suburban nappy land area - ALL the women here seem to have two or more (alot have three) children and despite being blessed with a wonderful 4 year old daughter i have just not been able to get pg in the (nearly) 2 years i have been trying - i may be turning 42 in two weeks but i got pg immediately twice before than (i lost my first baby, early mc) so i was initially very shocked at my lack of fertility. had a few fsh tests, all varying although most recent was 11.9 (i know that is high as over 10 viewed high but do you think it really  high or not? just wondered). had a somethingorother pingo something, when they put dye in your tubes to see if there were clear or not, they are but no pg once, no mc's, nothing, seems my female body parts have decided to take early retirement despite the pain of watching ALL my friends of same age getting pg for second time really easily. sorry to go on but hormonal as bl**dy af is due in next day or so,i can feel it and tell i am not pg. been having acupuncture for the last month with chinese medicine thrown in for good measure. am about to try the dreaded clomid which i am not happy about but only for a few months before dh goes away on tour (musician) in february (yeah great, as if it is not hard enough ttc!). anyway, will give iui one pop if no miracles before this time next year otherwise with give up, try to anyway as too painful to keep hoping. hope to meet ladies in similar position, just feel so darn alone. my bestfriend who had been tyring as long but unlike me, terribly fertile, she got pg 7 times in the last year of trying, SEVEN although kept losing them, she is now successfuly pg this time (all tries have been natural) so we have understandably drifted as all we used to talk about was ttc and compare misery, now she has gone and i feel very sad). bye everyone, i am not always this manic, blame my af hormones.xjo


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## fallen angel (Dec 6, 2006)

Hi there and welcome to the site, I am new here myself and completely understand what ou are going through as my friend and I have both been ttc for some time, me 2 years , she for just 6 months, and lo and behold she got pregant while 2 years later here I am still not pregnant. I have an 8 year old ds from previous marriage, so have secondary infertility, and at the moment am feeling a bit like a hermit as am avoiding newly pregnant friend and stepdaughter. we are awaiting appointment with consultant so only time will tell but my only advice to you really is to keep your chin up, hard as it sounds, and it's really great to be able to come to this site and chat or just post and get it all off your chest, everyone is really supportive and do anything they can to answer questions, take care hun love Caroline x x x x


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## emilycaitlin (Mar 7, 2006)

Hi,  Welcome to the board!!

You'll find that you aren't alone here, everyone is in the same boat, and understands.  Give me a shout if you need anything xx


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## lauraj78 (Mar 28, 2006)

Hi everyone i don't normally come on this post.  I've been feeling exactly the same.  My BIL girlfriend is pg my SIL is pg My best friend is pg and it's killing me inside. I went to my consultant last thursday we was very nice to me but has told me that as far as the nhs goes he can no longer help me.  He says i'm not overlating but have eggs and that i would need ivf and i wouldn't be considered for egg share as i gad my overies drilled and have pcos and i have a 40% chance of ivf working.  Ive done nothing but cry and if one more person tells me i should think my sself lucky i've got Liam I scream! I know i'm very lucky to have my ds but that still doesn't take the pain away.  I don't want to burden my DH at the moment because his dad had a massive heart attack last friday and needs my support but all i can think about is will i ever have another baby sorry to keep going on but i feel alone and sad.

I'm sorry to go on but i need to get it off my chest. to top it off BIL girlfriend  rubs it in my face everytime she can knowing full well what our situation is.  Sometimes i just want to go somewhere and be on my own to think away from everyone that is pg i'm finding myself not looking at pg women in the fear that i'll break down and cry, i feel like something has died inside of me, i'm like mourning something i haven't had if you get what i mean it's hard to explain really what i feel.

God i sound like an emotional wreck

Hope eveyine is ok sorry to go on

Laura


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

hi laura, i totally empathise with how you feel, isn't that nice!! as all i get from both dh and my ma are that they just don't get how i can feel so upset about my bf being pg (my age 42) plus my other friend (has alot of money) only decided about 2 momths ago to have a second (alse 42) so went for ivf (a month ago) and i am guessing she is, she did a test yesterday and i ahve not heard from her which tells me she is - i am so envious but dh and ii have argued, he makes me feel like the devil, as i am so envious - he just never feels envious of anyone, way he was brought up, not that i was brought up to feel envious, i think it is normal to feel like this and not enjoyable/easy to control. i cannot bear to be around pg women and thursday i have to  go to local hospital for a cd11 scan (just started taking clomid) in the ANTE NATAL DEPT, how nice for me. if you are not ovulating, have you tried clomid? you are so young, would that not help someone who has pcos? ps: what does your sil say to wind you up (you not being pg whilst she is?). i am very outspoken and would say something if it was me, i am not ashamed of my inability to get pg. see,  you are not the only one who goes on!!
joxx


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## lauraj78 (Mar 28, 2006)

HI jo yes i've tried clomid they said i could only have 12 months which i have had, and now i feel really bad because my BIL girlfriend had a miscarriage yesterday morning, but she was very subtle with her comments.  I'm not ashamed of my inability but just so angry i feel incomplete i don't even feel i can give her my support with how she was with me mainly due coz there is some fiction betwwen my DH and my BIL.  But I think i've turned a corner i'm going to try and loose some more weight and save up some money for ivf thank you so much for your help it is a comfort to talk to people in the same postion 

Laura


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

hi laura, i am not ashamed either or embarassed at my aging body, just feel let down by it, makes that feeling worse when f's around me same age are getting pg. as we speak i have just reluctantly texted a friend who had ivf two weeks ago to see if she is or not. i know she is, dreading actually reading it though in a text. she only decided she wanted another a few weeks ago and i have been trying for nearly 2 years. i know my feelings of envy are awful, neither my mother or dh understand it, makes me feel like a bad person but it is hard for me to be excited for her (she too has one already). she has alot more money than me so it feels (through the eyes of the green eyed monster) that she jumped the queue to the front and bought hers, isn't that an awful way to see it but i can't help myself. once i know she is i will get used to it, that is why i texted her. i am full of clomid and feel like crap, so hormonal. don't feel bad about what you said about bils partner, if she said something painful to you however subtle you have every right to  not be happy about it, her having a mc has nothing to do with that. all the best with saving for ivf!! jox


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## lauraj78 (Mar 28, 2006)

well i've been quite busy this morning phoning clinics and up to yet 1 clinic says i wouldn't be totally ruled out having pcos she is sending me some information out about egg share, the down side is that it's in london but if there is a good chance i don't mind travelling.


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

what is egg share? i keeps being mentioned.jox


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## emilycaitlin (Mar 7, 2006)

Hi,

Egg share is where you can have IVF cheaper if you donate some of your own eggs for someone else for their IVF cycle with donated eggs.


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

hi emilycaitlin, similar to me, have a dd of 3 (nearly 4), conceived very easily, been ttc No. 2 for nearly 2 years. sorry to read you have not had any luck (yet) with clomid, i have taken my first cycle's worth this month..........feel pretty rotten emotionally, makes you feel really detached and stuck in a miserable space. i doubt it will help me but worth a try. best of luck to you on the quest for another baby. jo


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## Tonka (Aug 1, 2006)

I know how you are all feeling. I have just found out my cousin is 12 weeks preg with her 2nd her 1st was only 1 last month. What makes it worse is that it was a mistake!! Its not fair. I am pleased for her as she has had 3m/c before but it did send me down hill and I ended up sobbing at work. 

Well my first cycle of clomid didn't work! The only one bonus is that I can now have a drink to help me get through the visiting in-laws that are staying for 4 days! Eugh! I can always chat better with them after a couple of glasses of wine! I am off to try out accupucture this afternoon with a new therapist, one which was recommeneded on here. My last one was a man and i didn't feel comfortable with him. 

Anyone trying accupuncture?


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

hi tonka, i have been having acu' for about two months now, go once every two weeks which is apparently enough/normal. he too is a man and i do feel a bit uncomfortable but what can you do, he is local and supposed to be good. he goes out of the room when i get undressed, i leave my underwear on and a t shirt (i never wear bra's) and then cover myself with a towel. i do lie there feeling very vunerable, near enough naked on this bed thing in a room with a man i don't know but desperation does odd things really. anyway, he also practices chinese med' so i have been on this period regulator stuff (8 pills three times a day) although i stopped taking these two days before starting clomid - my first cycle on it, ok apart from mild abdominal discomfort and hormonal emotional nonsense that you would expect. tomorrow i am dreading as i have to go to local vile nhs ANTE NATAL DEPT for cd11 scan, worried it may show up someting bad rather than good (i am a worrier) plus am not looking forward to seeing all thos heavily pg women, last time i was there i was there pg with my dd so it is a bit rotten but ho hum. best of luck, how do you find clomid?
jox


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## Tonka (Aug 1, 2006)

Hi Jo

I had cycle monitoring with my 1st cycle of clomid. I had a scan on day 2 and day 13 which showed i had 2 x good folicles 12mm & 14mm. the cons said that this was fine and I was on the correct dosage. He told me that i did not need to have cycle monitoring on my next cycles. Its exspensive isn't it! The only side effect I have had is bad headaches & the mad blubbering experience at work! However this month I have been fine. 

The accu lady was great last night and she is so experienced in this field. she has people that travel miles to see her. She told me some very positive stories and feels optimistic for me. However I have to cut out alcohol, spice food, dairy & caffeine!! I am going to try with this but I am going to enjoy the festive period & break away then detox in the new year. I have just been out to buy some green tea! Not tried it yet. She did say I could have 2 of wine glasses a week. Thank god!! The alcohol bit will be the hardest. As having a glass of wine really relaxes me. Have you been following a strict lifestyle regime?

Hope your scan goes ok let me know how you get on 

Tonka


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

hi tonka, i have had the day from hell so far - garage called to say it would be over £700 to fix our old car....i only took it in to have a tidy up as i had an attempted car jacking sunday gone in east london where i do a sunday market so i am not overjoyed about that (scared to go back on sunday but will have to, they were only kids, makes me so angry). then, called gyni lady to double check if i should have a full bladder to todays scan, she went quiet and said 'he' (gyni who is doing the scan) is on holiday.....she forgot to tell him when he said the other day he was going off on holiday - to cut it short, she found someone else to do the scan this afternoon although i wanted him to do it as he knows me and was going to check to see if i had a cyst there (this other bloke will hopefully do it but he may not be nice, you need someone nice when dealing with this type of thing, some gynis are so cold, oh well, at least she found someone, i haven't even given any thought really as to whether or not i have any follicles forming, more concerned as to whether or not the cyst is still there. actually, this clomid has given me an explsion of hormonal freak outs. i am not moody/short tempered, just very nervy and emotional; came across a kind of lump/nodual under my left arm in the arm pit - this has totally freaked me out - not an obvious pea size, you have to fiddle around to find it thus do not want to go to the dr but will keep an eye on it however, this has freaked my already freaked hormones out, i am always expecting the worst with everything and clomid hormone power has not helped. just had acu', he is a nice enough chap, today he put some pins into my forehead! he was really pleased as apparently he had just had confirmation that one of his clients has just got pg, but i would have been more impressed if she hadn't just had ivf as you can't help but wonder was it the ivf or the acu' (i am not having ivf so a success story of a pregnancy with ivf doesn't give me personal hope), anyway, i am rambling on, sorry, hormones. as for lifestyel, nope, no running but i am not a couch potato. i don't drink much tea/coffee, am a tea totaler' although if i am really honest i will embarassingly admit that i am a vague abuser of over the counter painkillers and do like a solpadeine the odd night as it has codeine in and does relax you, probably similar to the odd glass of wine (so my dh says), i told my gyni about the solpadeine to be honest and he looked at me as if i am mad. actually, the worst abusers of over the counter medicine are middle class middle age housewives!!!
love jox


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## Tonka (Aug 1, 2006)

Poor you. I had a day like that last week! I hope by now that the scan went well and the gyni was ok.
I think you should keep a close eye on that lump and perhaps book an appointment just incase you decide to get it checked out as you know what its like over the xmas period at the docs. Although I'm sure its just the hormone overload!!

I had pins in my fore head too and on my head, tummy, hands & legs. I do find it uncomfortable and sometimes feel as if there is tiny shocks going thru. I will grin and bear it as I am feeling optimistic. The accu told me she had successfully treated people like us as well as IVF, so there is hope for us.
Wish I was a tee total like you! The green tea was ok suprisingly!!

Have a fab xmas and try not to worry
Tx


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## uk_angel (Dec 26, 2006)

Hi im new to the forum and have posted on other boards only kate kindly put me in the right direction so here i am and extremley pleased to meet you all.
Im almost 46 and today started my 2nd dose of 50mg clomid and again back to the "waiting".
After reading all the messages on this board it occured to me that...at our age..we are given 50mg of clomid...which of course gives us hope of a pregnancy yet.....everyone has the same tale to tell...BFN result! So why are these doctors playing around with our emotions by putting us on stuff that obviously isnt working?.
 Miriam


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

hi miriam, i have heard of older ladies like ourselves getting pg having acupuncture but have not yet knowingly come across an older lady getting pg on clomid. i read on another fertility website a post from a lady who said she had a second opinion from a gyni who said that putting older women on clomid was like having a headache and taking baby asprin - i wish i had not read that as it has stuck in my head. i am cd19 having taken my first round of clomid (i am 42, just) and do not hold out much hope although i am a 'glass is half empty' kind of person! but this lady also said that clomid is no good for older ladies and that dr's put us on it too quickly. my dh argues that my gyni must have some hope putting me on this, i think i have heard of someone who knows someone who is older and got pg taking this. i am going to take it for another couple of months and then stop and stick with my acupuncture and his possible miracle chinese medicine that he keeps mentioning, that and luck is all i have. best of luck, sorry to be such a misery but this clomid stuff has made me so hormonal, not very nice, had a crap christmas!! joxx


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Dear Girls
I hope you don't mind me joining you as well as seem to have a few things in common with you although am a bit further down the line as in did clommid this time last year and it was not a nice experience as does seem to muck with your head.  All your feelings of pg envy are quite normal and been through all that and still am and am so fed up of having seen 100s of babies born to my friends/people I know all whilst I have been trying and its very painful and hard process.  I would like to say it gets easier and I suppose in time it does because your head gets more used to it.  My history is attached so you can see if I have been on quite a journey and have tried a lot of things, I was so hopeful about the homoepathy and esp the acupuncture and very upset when after three months nothing happened.  Its hard because when one is under the hospital for tx they don't seem to like the alternative remedies or vice versa and i never thought I could do them together so it kind of delayed my tx but my iui failed and as you can see the consultant told us fairly recently I best hope was ivf with genetic testing or someone else eggs - pretty tough and to be honest I was in a pretty bad way for the the last week nov/early dec and was very down and depressed although am feeling better now, am thinking donor egg but its still such a huge decision so we are still thinking about it.  I will be 43 in April so am no spring chicken but others seem to be getting pg but then now I think do some of these pop stars/celebs use things we don't know about like egg donor etc and if you think about its there are some very high profile couples/stars who adopt.  Its all such a minefield I just wanted to wish you luck and it would be good to chat to you as it is hard when people talk to you about being lucky having one (which I know) because they just don't seem to be able to grasp the desperate need to want to hold another baby in your arms and your own baby.  I am slowly coming to terms with not having my own biological baby and its not been a pleasant journey but the help and advise and support I have got on here has been wondeful.
anyway girls hope to talk to you again soon and hope you don't mind me joining in
happy christmas and new year
susie


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

hi susie, we have similar history. re acupuncture, i have been having it for just over a month now, i think you should stick with it longer than 3 months, i don't think it is one of those things you do just for a short period although it is all new to me so i am no expert, just what i hear. what did you find so bad about clomid? jox


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Dear Jo
Thanks for your reply, I would have like to do the acupuncture for longer and still might try and sneak some sessions from my dh as it was him that was very against it and all the money it cost as I was having the sessions and massage and the horrible tea and some tablets and it was all very expensive and I was also travelling a long way to it (long story) so I had no support from him and without having my own money as i don't work its quite hard to go without him knowing!!!!  I would like to try lots of other alternative but it all adds up and I would have said that my three months of acupunture with all the extra tablets and tea that was five pound a day and petrol that I spent nearly a grand just on that.  Its just so difficult.
I would say with the clommid that it effected my moods quite considrably and as I had a fairly regular cycle am still not sure why they put me on it, the other thing is I used to have to go to the appointments on my own as my dh is self employed and I would often have to wait for over an hour in a room of other couples it used to do my head in, my follicles would be fine, they said go off and do the business and nothing would happen and that went on for seven months.  I have always been interested in alternative remedies and really hated taking the clommid and esp when it did not work and now the iui its just the hospitals give you hope then dont deliver - I know which they had been more honest with re my age and said go ivf - its 2 years next month since we first saw the consultant.
I am also not convinced that the puss I had in my womb when my dh was born has not affected my two m/c and subsequent not a dicky bird despite not trying.
anyway I wish you luck and do hope for the best for you.
take care
susie


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## joey1 (May 15, 2006)

Hi Girls.

Hope you don't mind me adding to this thread I understand all those feelings of why them and not us.
I tried accupunture well 1/2 heartedly really because i didn't lke the feeling of being completely drained.  However I have been having reflexology 1 a week and love it.  I am a sure that is down to this as to why we have now succeeded.

Hope you all add to your familiys soon.

Joexx


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

hi joey, congratulations on your recent bfp. i wish i had started having acu' a year ago (not that i know it will help, but all the same). i am not going to fork out for reflexology too; if only i knew which was the best??!! you are nearly 20 years younger than me (16) so it is not surprising to me that you have at last managed to get pg again, sometimes it just takes time, and time i ain't got, but hey, i have a lovely beautiful dd who is my best companion and best thing that has ever happened to me and love to pieces, i am a very lucky lady. i feel greedy really to be wanting another this much. i won't give up hoping, not just yet. best of luck on your exciting new pregnancy. jox


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## plovesmo (Sep 3, 2006)

Hello everyone,

Not sure why I didn't see this thread before .,  I read somewhere about the comments people make when you already have a child , and certainly for me when I got married to DH, everyone was on my back (and still are!) to have a baby with him (DD from previous relationship).

After the recent dramas we have been through, of course I have to gather myself off the floor , and get it together again, and was really interested in doing either reflexology or acupuncture. I have read some people's experiences and know that everyone is different, but is so hard to know which one is better etc...

would be grateful for  

many thanks 

Paris


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## jenjen (Dec 31, 2006)

Hi

New here - history below.  I fell preg naturally with DD whilst seeing a homeopath and an acupuncturist - they were meant to be treating endo - we were no longer ttc!

I love both treatments.  As they are holistic, I think you should be able to relax with the therapists or you won't get the full benefit - if you're not comfortable try and find someone different.  I asked my acupuncturist about reflexology and she said don't have reflexology and acupuncture at the same time, they work on similar principles and could just confuse your body.

Susie, your acupuncture sounds expensive - I pay £40 to £50 every 4 weeks depending on the herbs I have.

To date we haven't asked our GP for any help - holding out for the complementary therapies - and feeling guilty for wanting another!!

jenjen
x


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

hi paris, i have been having acu once every two weeks for about two months. i pay £35 a pop plus he does chinese meds which when i have had them so far are £10 a bottle and i have had about 4 bottles, each lasting around a cycle. i am trying clomid so have temporarily stopped the chinese stuff - i was taking ones for regulating my af. my acu man said if clomid doesn't work (yeah, like it will.....), he has a chinese alternative which he wants me to try. i am humouring myself really as in my mind this is my last year of ttc, i turned 42 a few days ago so will try most anything this year other than serious stuff like ivf as think i am both too old and it is too expensive - we have a dd and any spare cash should in our mind be spent on our family that we already have (ie we need desperately a new car!!). i wish i had tried acu a year earlier but there you go. whether or not it is any good i have absoluately no idea but i know i feel more optimistic doing something than nothing. my af is on its way (joy) so my first months try of clomid is a failure (what a surprise!) but will give it another go (and another....) and then give up on it. in the two years i have been ttc i have gone through various phases trying different things from the position i end up in when bdg to what i eat and have come to the conclusion that for me, i think it is all a loads of old ba**s so am lightning up on the whole thing, it either happens or it doesn't. people that say when you really desperately try for one it doesn't happen so to give up trying but that is a load of bo**ocks as when i had a mc trying for my first at 9wks, i couldn't have wanted another one more if i had tried and BAM , i got pg near enough straight away so i don't listen to all that old rubbish that gets uninvitedly thrown at you. sorry to go on, my hormones are crazy this month having taken clomid, oh the joy as i have to start the cycle all over again in a few days!! best of luck to you. jox


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Dear Girls
Not been on here for a while and yes its all so confusing and I don't know which is best - to be honest if I had the money (and a more understanding dh who was into this stuff ) I would try it all and every week.
I am now thinking of trying reflex again and am not sure whether to go to a lady who lives quite near that I have been to before or another one I saw at a mind body spirit fair who lives an hour away.  Kelway - think I have said before our situ are so similiar as well as being quite near in age although I am a year ahead of you and I stopped my homeopathy to do clomid (and wish I had not) and then gave up on the acu due to money and starting IUI.  I would have loved to be like Jenjen and not gone to the gp  but felt I needed help but as I sit here now I have advanced more on my if journey by my own research and instinct than theirs and even our next step - whether to use an EDonor or not is all down to us really.  You think you are in the best hands with them but now I am not so sure.
Am going to watch the programme on ivf on monday 15th bbc1 8.30 with great interest.
Wish you all luck girls and will let you know how I get on and please keep me posted too.
I know we are lucky and blessed to have the one we have but when you want another one its very hard to bury those feelings.
and kelway I so agree with you about those annoying comments about when you stop trying etc etc i could batter people that say that to me.  On Fri someone who should have known better said when are you having another one and i just looked at them and said you could not have asked me a worse question and said I have got to go and walked off.  I think they knew some of my history as dh of my mums friend but I could not even be bothered to tell them my history and did not think they were worth it!
good luck
take care
love
susie


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## jenjen (Dec 31, 2006)

Hi Susie
Sorry you are down at mo.
People can be so thoughtless.  Was talking to someone last night - she knows I have dd of 21 months.  She asked how long I had been married and nearly choked on her dinner when I said 15 - nearly 16 years - she obviously thought I should have teenager if I had been married so long.  I thought I could be polite and make her more comfortable and share some of my story and then wondered why I should!
Almost complete strangers ask when we'll be having another - I must think up a cute reply - at the moment I just feel like telling them not to be so ...... nosey!
We went to gp originally with dd, but as you say, in the end I did all the research, sorted alternative treatments etc so will go again this time for blood tests etc, but otherwise carry on on our own
Asked DH to tape panorama for me - he failed! Going to watch it online later.
Sending you hugs and pma.  Hope you get some time to sort your thoughts and make some decisions
love
jenjen
x


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## KittyJ (Jun 26, 2006)

Hi Jo
like you and emilycaitlin - dd 3, ttc for no.2 nearly 2 years.....
I'm on 3rd cycle of clomid and wanted to say that you have to be positive as it could work for you. Know it makes you feel ropey (i've been having major hot flushes!) but have faith. They're doubling my dose of clomid as of next cycle, but also having lap and dye next month. fingers crossed for you. keep smiling. we're all here to help you!


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

that's nice kittyj, cheers - best of luck to you too, i am off to see gyni next week to see if he thinks putting me on 100mg instead of 50mg can help me? fingers crossed for all of us!!
jox


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