# Kicked While I'm Down..



## laura101 (Jun 24, 2014)

I really don't know how to cope at the moment. We've been ttc for over five years, all the tests and two rounds of unsuccessful Icsi. Anyway to get to the point my sister in law and her dh had been suffering from infertility for a number of years too - we'd been open with them about our struggle and ivf journey thinking it was helpful to share ( and it was) and also to make them aware that we might acheive a pregnancy if the ivf was successful. We didn't want to just spring a pregnancy announcement on them out of the blue. Anyway on Mother's Day, compleyely out of the blue, we received a text from them telling us that they are 16 weeks pregnant - yes that's right they thought it was a good idea to tell us BY TEXT on MOTHER'S DAY that they were expecting. they'd apparently told the entire family first (in person) and then cobbled a quick text together for us which they sent just before midnight. I was just knocked for six- completely thunderstruck that they could be so heartless- I mean they could have written a letter or email if they didn't want to do it face to face. They knew (or at least I thought they did) how devastating infertility is and how to break a pregnancy amnouncement gently and with respect to our feelings.I'm so angry at the moment and feel completely betrayed- I'm going in for some more medical treatment (non ivf) this week  and I just feel like crying - how do I even cope with seeing them now? How do I navigate family get together where I'm supposed to smile and coo but nobody gives a flying fig about my feelings...aghhhh!!! Any advice please before I spontaneously combust!!!


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## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

Wow Laura - im so sorry for you. to get the news like that off anyone takes the mick but off someone else who has suffered with IF and knows you are too is just awful.

have you spoken to her at all yet?

i think you have a decision to make - can you give yourself a bit of time and distance to 'deal' and 'feel' but then leave it, put it to bed and continue in the family life as before?

if not then you will need to talk to her about it to air your thoughts - but i would be really careful about this and what you say to ensure you don't say something you will regret and make things worse for you both. 
you anger (justifiably) could be too strong to do this anytime soon.

it really is horrible - my sister said something extremely hurtful to me last year and i was so furious with her i couldn't even speak to her for months other that things relating to seeing my niece. i did intend to speak to her about how much she hurt me once things had calmed down but by then she was actually going through some problems with her hubby and i never found a good time - i got over it and she has made it up to me (i think she took note of my absence from her life for the few months i stopped talking to her and realised she needed to make things up to me)

but i was fortunate in that there was no clicking clock for me - i cant even imagine how it must feel knowing you only have a few months to sort this out before the birth.

do you have much support from your parents? will they understand your hurt at whats been done?

i still cant believe she told you o mothers day - what a punch in the face!


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## Artypants (Jan 6, 2012)

WOW what unbelievably terrible timing, I would be extremely upset too, you do have to question what goes through some peoples brains sometimes. i would have some distance for a while as you would likely say something you may regret so take some time out from your relationship and then when you have had time to weigh up how you feel maybe let her know how insensitive her text was.

Big hug x


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## laura101 (Jun 24, 2014)

Thank-you so much for your replies. I like the idea of giving myself some distance to 'deal and feel'. (Great term!) I haven't talked with her and honestly I don't think I could be civil so I'm going to just leave it for the time being. I'd like to say something in the future - I just don't know what - I don't want to be branded the 'bitter infertile' who can't handle other people's pregnancies but then again I don't want to act as though they've done nothing wrong...and it's not the fact she's pregnant its very much the complete lack  of respect for our feelings...grrr!!!


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## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

yeh take your time hun and dont forget that you are completely justified in how you are feeling and reacting and if / when this does come out - dont let anyone tell you otherwise.


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