# How to remain positive



## XxMichellexX (Oct 15, 2008)

Having just gone through my first ivf a couple a months ago, which ended in chemical, i have lost my positivity for my next tx.
All was going so well during tx and managed to get 18 eggs and 14 fertilised. We went to blast but only 1 made it. The night before transfer we lost 6 and even the clinic couldnt understand why as they were looking really good. I have lost my confidence and positivity in my body and treatment and would like to know how to get it back. I dont wont to go into my next tx feeling not very hopefully as i dont think that will help. 


Any help or stories of how would be great


xxx


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## helenlouisey (Sep 23, 2009)

Hi Michelle, so sorry to hear you had a chemical pregnancy, life can be so cruel sometimes.  I had 14 eggs collected and only 1 was suitable for blastocyst transfer and was told by my clinic that its not unusual to only get one egg to blasto, and that was part of the reasoning behind longer culturing of the embryos, was to weed out the weak ones and be left with the strongest one.  Please take some positivity from the fact that you did manage a pregnancy, it has to be a really good sign.  I had a miscarriage recently and felt so fed up and hopeless afterwards, and that after almost 2 years of trying and operations and being poked and prodded, IUI and IVF, I finally managed a natural pregancy only for it to end in a miscarriage, but as my husband said to me- miscarriages are so common, lots of our friends have had them, its just that we've had such a hard journey to get to this stage that they are just very difficult to accept and cope with 

Are you happy with your clinic?  Have they come up with some suggestions as to what they would do differently next time?  I decided after my failed IVF attempt that I probably wouldnt return to my IVF clinic if we did another cycle,  just because they didnt really have any suggestions as to what theyd do differently next time and felt it was bad luck it hadnt worked and wanted to do the same thing again.

Give yourself some time to physically and mentally get over everything thats happened to you in the past few months, and maybe treat yourself to some things you love doing, anything that makes you enjoy life again. Its so easy for the journey to motherhood to take over our lives, and I can see from your signature that this has been a very long journey for you.

I really hope you start to feel a bit better soon and wish you lots of luck for your cycle in October

x


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## XxMichellexX (Oct 15, 2008)

Thank you for your reply hun
Im sorry to hear about you MC and your failed ivf, life is cruel sometimes. Unfort i cant really change clinics as im NHS and that is where i have been referred, so i have to stick with them. I may be put on a different protocol for next tx, but i suppose with only having 1 ivf they have nothing to compare it to, which can make things seem rather annoying and out of my hands. I suppose i stupidly thought as i have had so many natural pregnancies that ivf would work, i looked at it naively i think, and it has only now hit me hard.
I have a holiday booked in 4 weeks and im going to my favourite place in the world so really looking forward to that and i am hoping that i will feel better afterwards.


Wishing you all the best in what you decide and for your next tx xxx


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## Han72 (Feb 15, 2007)

Hi Michelle

scuse me jumping in but I just wondered whether you'd ever been referred to a miscarriage specialist? There's a whole raft of tests which could be carried out to find out what's going wrong.... I'd particularly suggest some tests to check what's happening with your immune system and also to make sure your remaining tube isn't infected.

There's lots of info re immune testing here:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=52.0

It may also be worth asking for a sperm dna fragmentation test, even if a sample looks good, it's not always obvious if there's a problem with dna fragmentation and a level of 30% or more means good fertilisation rates but the embryos often fail to develop properly after day 3 or if they do the pregnancy ends in miscarriage... 

Good luck and    to all

xxx


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## XxMichellexX (Oct 15, 2008)

Han, thanks for reply. I have had all level 1 tests done and they come back fine, also had HSG that showed by tube to be open. They know that my tube is damaged when they saw it when i had my other tube removed due to ectopic, they said it is twisted and has lots of adhesion around it, but they left it in. And because i keep having natural pregnancies they wont remove it, they dont see the need. I have had scans and all have been fine too. Out of the 9 losses i have had (not including chem) 4 of those have been with my ex husband, and the rest with my now OH, so it is definatly me that has a prob. 
To get further immune test the only option is to pay privately and looking at some of those prices i cant really afford them. And then if i did and things showed up, i dont think i could afford the drugs and treatment.
Im all very stuck right now and that is getting me down.


xxx


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