# started 1st IVF



## chicksmum (Dec 22, 2010)

Hi all

After TTC for over 1.5 years for #2 we started IVF last Friday. I aways said I wouldn't consider doing IVF but after learning that my low AMH (6.7) meant that time was running out, we decided to go for it. At least I had though that we decided to go for it, until the other night when mid heated argument DH turned round and said he never wanted to do IVF and was just doing it because he knew I really wanted to. I now feel terrible and that he is not really supportive of this. He is happy with only having our daughter (I am too but I would love to have another of possible). I am now stressed out and wondering if our marriage will survive IVF.

This isn't helping the fact that I am already stressed out about impending scan which will tell me if I am responding (anticipated not great response due to low amh but am on short protocol and medium dose of stims to somewhat combat this).

Sorry just felt like venting some frustration!!

Chicksmum


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## Smurf2 (Mar 4, 2011)

Hi chicksmum

I think you are right to give ivf a go - as if you don't try, you may end up thinking what if i had tried.  It's worth bearing in mind that we are probably thinking/feeling a bit differently to our partners regarding this whole ttc thing.  I know that i had an emotional / in-built desire to ttc no.2, but appreciate it's not quite the same/as strong for my husband.  He is supporting me with treatment, but i am aware that the financial and emotional strain of fertility treatment is there and that there is a limit to how much further we will go with treatment.

For me, I have had lots of thoughts/conversations in my head, with friends, etc. and then try to communicate only some of this to him.  Otherwise i'm aware that i'm thinking/talking about ttc probably too much.  I have been honest with him as to how much i want/need to have another baby - so at least he can try to understand why i sometimes get so upset/angry about the whole thing.  It is frustrating and it does take up so much of our emotional and thinking time - so you are not alone!

Smurf2


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## chicksmum (Dec 22, 2010)

Thanks Smurf2 for your reply. Its good to know I am not the only one going through a frustrating time (although admit I wouldn't wish my situation on anyone).

I think my DH is worried that I will go on some kind of crusade for a 2nd child and won't stop until I get one. I have told him that since finding out about my low AMH I have come to terms with the fact that there is only a small chance that I will have a 2nd but that I do not want to look back when I am 40 (when I am likely to be going through menopause according to my consultant) and think I didn't at least give it a try. I don't think he believes me when I say this though.

So far I haven't found the stimms too bad. The injections are fine (although for those doing it 1st time round advise doing it in the tummy not the thigh as this really stings). I have some aches coming from both ovaries, which I am interpretting as a good sign (you have to don't you!) as they are unsure how well I will respond. Scan on Friday to find out how things are doing (fingers crossed i will get to EC as will be the big hurdle for me!).

Wishing you every success in future treatments!

Chicksmum


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## Cholula (Apr 13, 2011)

Hi Chicksmum and Smurf2

Its nice to find you here and read some similar thoughts and stories to mine. It really is such a lonely process for us girls and only the friends we find here have any true understanding of our feelings.

I completely agree with you both that we have to try before it's potentially or is too late than live with the regret.

I too am hoping for a second child with the help of treatment after, like you Chicksmum, believing I would not ever entertain the IVF route. To be honest I was probably so arrogant I thought I would never need to and to think I was the one who would berate DP for boozing too much and ruining his swimmers and to grow up and take ttc more seriously - what a landing I received when I was eventually informed of my undetectable AMH (Whilst his swimmers are A1 - which is obviously great!).  In the run up to this, our first cycle, we almost broke up, I don't really know how we didn't to be honest and I had booked a session with the fertility counsellor for myself to seek help in coping with accepting I would not be able to have another child. In the end my DP came to that session with me and it really helped him to reconcile some of my feelings and the affect all of the infertility business has had on me from hearing a professional properly explain the pain. We also had a meeting with the consultant to discuss the possibility of harvesting eggs for a future cycle instead of going ahead with this one, to allow us time to recover, but that was not recommended. My most recent results showed an improvement on my FSH (10.9 down from 23.4 in Feb) but a drop in AMH (0.7 down from 0.9 Feb) so my consultant advised me to get on with it and DP said he couldn't take this chance from me. So with a higher and deeper love reserve that my ovaries we agreed to deal with our issues in the near future and give this ivf a shot and it's all been well so far thankfully. I didn't turn into a horrible being on the drugs and he helped by doing the injections every evening and I think we both felt like we were positively trying and wanting to make this happen. Well I now have 1 embie onboard since yesterday! I'm fairly pragmatic and greatly protect myself from daring to believe it could work first time but I also have confidence that we could do it again too which is more than I expected.

I was given a little photo of my perfect little embryo to take home and I've shown it to my DD and explained that we need to hope and pray that it grows into the little sister that she asks for everyday (she'd have a brother too I'm sure!) and today she did the most heart melting thing when in the park with our doggie, she picked a blow & wish dandilion and said "I wish the brioche turns into a baby in your tummy"!! She obviously couldn't remember/say the word embryo and so now it's become known as brioche! I know I am incredibly blessed and will always be so grateful for what I already have but it is my one ambition to give her a sibling.

So Chicksmum I don't know if your clinic offers a counselling service (I'm at the Lister) but I couldn't recommend it more - to have someone speak the infertility langauge (that I get so confused, tongue tied, emotional and angry about) almost on my behalf, explaining my feelings with no briefing helped us come back from the edge and understand each other a million times more. I am sure your DH very much wants to support you even if he doesn't have the same force of feelings to have another so do try to let him.

Millions of luck to you both.


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## chicksmum (Dec 22, 2010)

Fingers crossed for you Cholula 

Noticed on your details your little girl is in the same school year as mine. Staring school this year - scary isn't it!!!

P.S What protocol where you on, what dose etc?

Thanks
Chicksmum


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## chicksmum (Dec 22, 2010)

Forgot to say I'm at the LCRM (Leeds). Anyone else??


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## Cholula (Apr 13, 2011)

Hi there

Yes Chicksmum - I know what you mean - the beginning of school is v scary! My DD will be one of the youngest too.

I did an antagonist protocol, I'm not actually sure if that if is otherwise known as a long or short protocol but it included the pill for a couple of weeks before I started stims of 100mg  Clomid and 400iu Menopur, cetrotide and then ovitrelle to trigger. Since EC I started cyclogest pessaries and also prednisolone (steriods) for raised NK cells. I'm really pleased to say that I felt fine with it all - so horrible nasty side effects at all just a couple of minor headaches possibly from the steriods and a bit constipated from the pessaries (sorry!). I was very worried that I would turn into a banshee and not cope but I was probably more calm and it felt good to be positively progressing. I had 6 follicles, 3 which properly matured and gave 3 eggs of which just one fertilised well and that was transferred on day 3 as a grade 1, 8 cell. My OTD is next Friday and I'll be on holiday with quite a few people (DP's family - but not MIL thank God!) so I'm hoping to forget all about things and just let me body tell me one way or the other! I say that now and next Friday I'll be driving around the French countryside for hours trying to find a test like a mad woman - but I hope not. Its difficult in some ways as no-one else (apart from DP) will know and I'll have to secretly look like I'm drinking more wine than I am (my sis-in-laws can tuck away loads of it and still fall pregnant naturally at 41!), but on the flip side I won't have any attention on me with everyone asking which will be a million time better I think and if it's not positive myself and DP can take it and deal with it on our own. 

I live in London and not too far from the Lister so that's great.

Hope the LCRM is good for you and your scan goes well tomorrow.


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## chicksmum (Dec 22, 2010)

I'm on the short protocol so didn't have any down regging (probably good as I don't think DH would have been able to cope with any bad moods - I have been know to have quite a temper). I have also been fine (not anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be). Some of the injections have been a little stingy but it only lasts a short while. Will know how its all gone by this time tomor. I feel quite bloated and have felt my ovaries doing somthing for a few days so hoping for at least some action. 

Hope you have a great holiday and a positive result. If it dosn't work 1st time it seems like you have a good attitude to cope with it. I hope I will be that positive (if I get to ET - fingers crossed!!).

Chicksmum


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## chicksmum (Dec 22, 2010)

Hi

Just got back from my scan. It looks good. I have 8 follicles (4 on the left are nice and big and 4 on the right are a bit smaller but there is hope they will be okay by EC). Consultant thinks that I should get ~6 eggs. EC scheduled for Tuesday so fingers crossed they keep getting bigger and are good quality.

Feel so relieved!! I don't think I have ever been as nervous as I was today before the scan!

Hopefully I will be able top get some sleep tonight!

Chicksmum


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## chicksmum (Dec 22, 2010)

Good news I got 8 eggs at collection yesterday (no where near as painful as I thought it would be and sedation means I don't remember a thing). Told this morning that 5 of these have fertilised so ET tentatively booked in for Friday. This might be shoved back to day 5 if they have more info to distinguish between them by then.

I am absolutely thrilled by this. After hearing about my low amh I thought at 33 this was the end of the road of me baby wise. Even if this cycle doesn't work (which I know statistically it more likely not to work) I feel like we at least have options. 

Good luck to all of those in the middle of IV - its an emotional journey (feels like Ive had a years worth of emotions already in 2 weeks - and I haven't even got to the 2ww).

Chicksmum


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