# 1st post - AMH level of 8.9 & endo - Looking for positive stories



## Atishoo (Aug 4, 2010)

Hi, This is my first post.  I've just turned 39 and I've been with my partner for 10 years.  He's 57 and has two grown up children and doesn't want to have any more kids.

Over the years this has made me feel angry and resentful that he gets to enjoy his family and yet I can't have any.  He also has a 2 year old grandson.

So when my best friend got pregnant at 39, and became the last of my friends to stop being childless, I decided to put an end to my lonely, childfree status.

I've been to see a gynaecologist and had an AMH blood test, but unfortnately the results were quite low - only 8.9.  He's now awaiting notes from the surgeon who treated my endometriosis 2 years ago to see if we can proceed with IVF and donor sperm.

Going down the road of this treatment would mean leaving my home and my partner to raise  the child on my own.  But although this scares me, the thought of never becoming a mother scares me too.

I'd love to hear other's positive IVF stories.  Particularly if you're my age and have a love AMH level.

x


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## Mazza1971 (Aug 19, 2009)

Atishoo - Your courage is truly inspiring. Your AMH is low but lots of people have got pregnant with an AMH a lot lower than yours. I really hope and pray that you get your hearts desire...


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## LittleMissM (Jul 23, 2010)

Where the rest of your bloods ok? Like pp women do get pg with worse levels, so don't give up hope.

Does your dp know exactly how you feel? Your heart of heart feel? Would you be worth while sitting down and having a heart to heart, letting him know - calmly, not in a confrontational way - how you feel, and how you would like to try a cycle of IVF if you can?
You may be surprised by his reaction.

My dh has ason from a previous relationship and he was also dead set against father hood, until we had a heart to heart and he knew how much it meant to me. Now he is more enthusiastic about the IVF than I am.

Sue


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## Atishoo (Aug 4, 2010)

Thank you for your positive and welcoming reply.  I realise from reading some of the other posts that it seems anything may be possible.  Sometimes test results are only a number.

I'm having to wait until mid-Aug for the surgeon to respond to my gynaecologist because he's away on holiday.  The waiting is the worst!

I'm terrified that the surgeon will halt all hope by giving a poor prognosis.  I don't feel anything is in my hands.  And if I can't proceed, how will that leave my relationship?  Although it was my responsibility to decide to have a child sooner, it never really occured to me that I could go it alone when I was younger.  I feel as if my partner's attitude has robbed me of my chance of being a mother.  It will be hard to step over that.

Thank you again for listening to my rant!

x


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## LittleMissM (Jul 23, 2010)

The wait is always the worst part. Unless your endo was severe and affected your ovaries or womb IVF should still be a possibility.
Can you request your file from the hospital sooner?

Does your DP know of your tests and appointments?

Sue


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## Atishoo (Aug 4, 2010)

Hi Sue,

Thanks for your message.  Your story is inspiring.  I have discussed the issue with my DP many times and he can see how much pain it causes me to contemplate giving up on this dream.  He's offered to pay for my IVF, but won't even be my donor, leaving me to have to use a stranger as a donor.

He knows and admits that he is being selfish, but won't change his mind.  My last hope is that when he sees me about to embark on the process and then have to leave him as a result, he may change his mind.  But I don't think so.

His selfishness is making me question if I even want to be with him anymore if I can't have kids.  I feel as if my love for his is being destroyed by all of this.  Our relationship is quite distant just now.  He won't even have sex anymore because he thinks it would be "inappropriate"!

x


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## Atishoo (Aug 4, 2010)

Sue,

I spoke to the surgeon's secretary to speed things up but she's insisting that I have to wait as only the surgeon can reply to the gynaecologist's letter.  The private gynae told me my NHS file is grovernment property so can't be passed to him directly.  Even tho the surgeon is one of his pals!  Feels like the patients are left out in the cold.  He did say waiting wouldn't make a difference...but it does to me!

My partner is aware of all of my appointments - even offered to go to the next one with me when I told him everyone else had someone with them.  I'm also openly taking pre-natal supplements and reading up on the subject, so he sees all of that.  We also discuss it from time to time and he is supportive when I get upset by bad results.

x


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## Atishoo (Aug 4, 2010)

Sue,

Should also say that despite being together for 10 years and having moved house together 3 times, he still won't divorce his wife.  So you see what I'm up against for stubborness...


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## LittleMissM (Jul 23, 2010)

I am sorry you are going through this, ttc is a strain on the relationship at the best of times, and I have considered in the past to go it alone hen my dh was adamant he didnt want children.
Luckily my dh has a lot of friends who said every woman wants a child its 'just in her' naturally and this got him thinking and re evaluate his priorities.
Luckily for me it worked out.
Like you said though perhaps he will change his mind. Did he suggest you leaving if you have a child by DS? Does he want to bring the child up with you? Or is he hoping to placate you?
Would counselling help you or both? What are the 'real' issues for him? Being an old dad? I can't understand it seeing as he is supporting you so much.

Wow you do have a stubborn one! How do you feel about the relationship?

Under the freedom of information act you are entitled to see or get a copy of all your medical reports. I have done this recently. I had to fill in a special form and they were sent to me. I then sent these off to my clinic. If you are happy to wait then you can, or you can try this route? Depends what you are happier with. I'm too darn impatient   

I want to give you a real big   and hope it works out in the end. You can do it, even if you are on your own.

Sue
xx


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## Atishoo (Aug 4, 2010)

Hi Sue,

Thanks again.  He just feels that he should be enjoying looking forward to retirement and that he doesn't have the energy for children.  He's quite well off, and paid for IVF for his sister and his son.  I think that's his way of solving the problem with less guilt.  However, I wouldn't be able to stay in our lovely home to raise the baby and that really upsets me.

My friends are supportive and say they've never seen me sparkle so much as when I talk about the prospect of having a baby.  They suggest that he might realise what he's missing and change his mind.  But raising a stranger's baby is a big deal I understand.

My route to happiness just seems so simple if he would just change his mind.  But he does live his life sometimes as if he is single now - planning his golf trips etc without checking what I'm doing first.  That kind of thing and he gets cross when I suggest we should plan together.

The anger that's growing inside me though may help with my resolve and deaden the blow of leaving him if I manage to get pregnant and have a baby to look forward to.  It may simply be a case of who blinks first.

I'll keep you posted! x


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## LittleMissM (Jul 23, 2010)

Is it possible to leave now?
Do you think both your hearts are in this reationship? Mainly his anyway.
I hope you get some good luck, and he does change his mond, but be prepared that he doesnt and start looking at your options now.

PM me anytime if you want a chat  

Sue


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## Atishoo (Aug 4, 2010)

Thanks Sue.  I will keep in touch if you don't mind.

Leaving will be really hard, so I think the only way for me to do it is to start my treatment and hopefully get a BFP.  Then on leaving, at least I'll have some joy to look forward to.  I'm hoping to stay until I reach 12 weeks, if I'm lucky enough to get that far!

Next step is waiting to see what the surgeon has to say.  So I'm trying to stay calm and get as much sleep as I can, eat well and drink only the very odd glass of wine.  Is decaff coffee ok, do you know?  I know it has a little caffeine left in it...


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## LittleMissM (Jul 23, 2010)

Decaf would be fine as long as you don't drink gallons of the stuff.
Do you like herbal? I am having peppermint, not only does it help with bloating but it is recommended for IVF too.

Please keep in touch even if only to chat, its horrible to go through things on your own, and I am here - obsessed that I am   - so bother me any time you like hun


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## fairywings (Feb 19, 2009)

and welcome to Fertility Friends Atishoo 

I just wanted to send you a  . There are a few boards you may find useful now and in the future hun. We are all here for you! FF is such a great plave to get support and advice!

*Peer Support (for asking fertility and treatment related questions of your fellow FFers) ~ * CLICK HERE

*Starting out & Diagnosis ~ *CLICK HERE

*Investigations & Immunology ~ *CLICK HERE

*Donor sperm/eggs ~ *CLICK HERE

Now I know you are not over 40, but thought you might take a look for inspiration reasons..... 

*TTC over 40 ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie day in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet one of our mods for support, meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area. It's a small world!

Wishing you lots of luck    and 

Keep in touch

Fairywings xx


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## Bethany915 (Aug 1, 2010)

Hi Atishoo

Just wanted to post to give you some hope on your (supposedly low) AMH.  I decided to go it alone 3 years ago at the age of 39 and had an AMH of 2.7 pmol/l (and FSH of 11).  I got together with someone specifically to "make a baby" (he was all for it, but he *is* a little unusual!) and I conceived on the first attempt!!!  I did have a miscarriage at 11 weeks, but then conceived my wonderful DS after only 3 more attempts - naturally.  I am now TTC #2 at the age of 42 with an AMH of only 0.4 and I haven't given up hope yet  

So if you look at your AMH of 8.9, I would say it is brilliant given your age! My consultant does not consider AMH to be low until it is below 5.  I do not know much about endometriosis but unless that is still a problem, I would say you should have a good chance of conceiving.  

As for your relationship, I do not envy you.  If your partner cannot understand how much you want a baby, I think you would be better off on your own, but I'm sure it would be very difficult to leave after 10 years.  I don't like to criticise him, but it sounds like he wants everything on his terms.  I have come across a few men like that too...  One thing you do need to consider is that having a child on your own is HARD WORK!  I am delighted with mine and having him is the best thing I have ever done - but you do need to be aware that your social life will go out the window for at least a few years and you will feel that you are “different” to your mum friends with husbands/partners (especially if you live in a "conservative" area like I do and you don't know anyone else who is doing it alone).  I am new to FF but there looks to be a good singles thread which could be very supportive.

Have you had a counselling session yet at the fertility clinic? This is (as far as I understand) an HFEA requirement for anyone not in a conventional relationship, in order that they can assess the welfare of the potential child / need for the child to have male role models etc.

Hope this helps.  Good luck  

B x


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## Atishoo (Aug 4, 2010)

Hi Bethany,

Thank you for your encouraging and inspiring story.  It's great to hear of someone else who is going it alone and who also has/had a low AMH level.

I'm sure counselling will be on the cards if I'm able to proceed with IVF.  Just have to wait until the gynaecologist gets feedback from the surgeon who did my endo work in a week or so.

I know it will be hard work and it's not really my social life I'm worried about losing.  I will miss my partner terribly and my home, which we renovated and I largely decorated myself.  But in the scheme of things I know these things are not important if I can have a family of my own.

People on FF have been very supportive and many seem to have similar stories to my own.  The fact that they have succeeded is a great comfort and inspiration, as are my girlfriends in "real life".  

I hope you have success in conceiving again.  You must love being a mum to have two babies on your own.  But I guess you're not really alone anymore with your DS.  Congrats!

Gx


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