# Any strategies to keep on living?



## Froggy82 (Nov 8, 2012)

Hi Everyone,

Apologies for the rant, but today I'm feeling particularly low. My DH and I just had our first (and failed) IVF cycle a couple of weeks ago and the doctor has recommended to move straight to donor eggs. I had coped OK so far, but the news is starting to sink in.

The emptiness I had felt inside me is now spreading and my whole life feels empty. Our marriage is wonderful but something is missing more and more. I even found myself hanging on to a teddy bear in the last couple of days. It doesn't help that I work from home and find myself alone most of the day.
After everything we've been through, we now have to fight a whole new battle: choosing which type of treatment to put our money in, being put on a waiting list, coping with the fact that I may never have a baby that is biologically mine… 
I'm exhausted fighting to get appointments, to get the right treatment, reading a million books to find some sense and guidance, taking hormones, vitamins, dhea, going to acupuncture, seeing people getting pregnant so quickly, feeling like crap when I see a stroller or a baby store.

I'm a fighter and I don't want to feel that way. But I'm running out of strategies.

What do you guys do to make yourself feel better? Anything will help. 

Babydust to all of us!
xoxo


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## Jenso (Jan 15, 2013)

Hi,

I am sorry you have been going through such a tough time. I don't really have any advice except perhaps book a consultation at another clinic just to get a second opinion. I know a few of them in London specialises in ladies with low AMH like for example Lister,ARGC and CRM.

Best of luck!!


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## EmWills (May 26, 2013)

Hi froggy

I've just had my 2nd failed cycle (well otd is Thursday but it bfn today so would need a miracle to make it change) 

Just wondering why your dr says to move on to donor eggs if you don't mind me asking? I'm 28 with an amh of 4.7 at last check so similar to you, I also don't ovulate, have short irregular cycles and have never been pregnant in the 2 yrs 8 months we've been trying. My dr has never mentioned donor eggs to me. I'd get a second opinion if I were you. 

I've been looking into ivf lite for our next try, but 1st we're taking a few months out. I think like you I'm exhausted with the whole thing. As much as we have a baby shaped hole in our lives we need time to recover physically, mentally and emotionally. No one understands how draining the process is from the prep before hand, the administering meds then the longest wait of your life only to be totally gutted when it doesn't work. 

I recommend having some you time, maybe have a little break away with you hubby. The empty feeling won't go away but it does get easier and 1 day when you are holding your baby in your arms this will feel like a distant memory (nightmare). Don't give up and stay focused, it will happen one day.... That's what I tell myself anyway  

Em xx


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## moobags (Nov 13, 2013)

Hi

After several attempts with my OE we have gone down the DE route all I can say is that the way I looked at it was I just want a child it makes no difference to me whether or not it is biologically mine or my husbands I just want to be a Mum that to me is the most important thing.

I hope you find a way forward maybe a second opinion is worth looking at but my advice would be to not waste time and effort if the odds are stacked against OE.

Hope the above doesnt sound too harsh.

Good luck 

Moo x


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## Sweetpea123 (Feb 26, 2013)

Hi,

After my nhs go I went to one clinic for a consultation and the dr just kept on banging about donor egg the more I think about it the more angry I get. I then had consultations with lister, argc and create all of whom shook their heads in disbelief that this dr recommended donor egg so soon. They were all so positive.

I then cycled with argc and became pregnant but unfortunately it wasn't meant to be. However we have frosties waiting for us. I never thought I would get to this after the nhs go which was a shambles.

Go for second opinions and don't let then write you off. I was devastated after that first meeting. All I can advise is do your research. Low amh is not all doom and gloom as some make out it to be xx


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## Froggy82 (Nov 8, 2012)

Thank you for your replies guys!
I think what we may do is use our last NHS cycle in the same clinic (the other NHS ones in our area are not that great), then if it doesn't work, we may try ARGC. In the meantime, we'll get on a DE waiting list.
The consultant thinks that because he collected only two eggs of very poor quality, we're not going to get better results again with OE. I know the zero fertilisation outcome is not good, but I find it a bit extreme to advise us to give up right away on OE… I know doctors are specialists, but they are also human and mistakes have been made in my treatment before. I guess it's about finding the right balance between persevering and being realistic. And you guys are right, a second opinion can't hurt.
My gut feeling is that my clinic is working for its statistics and that they'd rather have success right away with DE IVF rather than a few failures before a possible success with OE…


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## cosmopolitan4112008 (Oct 18, 2013)

Only 1 ivf and you are 31 and immediately DE?! My dear, don't waste your time with the same people.  Go to a better clinic. They can put you on a different protocol that xan yield more and bettereeggs.  In the meantime,  work on your nutrition and vitamins. Drink a lot of water. Reduce caffeine,  sweets and alcohol to minimum if not to 0. Gl


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## UK-Canuck (Sep 3, 2011)

Hi Froggy

I think I've written to you before, but we've made the leap to DE at the Lister who had a 6-9 month waiting list - it's been 8 mos and were at the top of the list and they expect to match us by the end of the year for treatment in the New Year. 

There are clinics in the UK that don't have waiting lists though, (the 2+ year wait is a myth) but it think we needed the time we got to work on getting over some of the anger and grief that I'd definitely been "harbouring". I also found the Donor Conception Network which has been a massive help for us. (See my previous posts)  I finally feel like I've got my life back, am feeling happy & social again - even dealing with all my friends kids and DH & I have something to be positive about again - I struggle to see how we couldn't be with a 60%+ chance of conception instead of the less than 5% we were given with OE, when all we want to do is have a family - although I fully appreciate donor conception might not be for everyone. 

I too would get a second opinion though if your cycles have been NHS & preferably before your last cycle to see if you can add anything. We got completely done over by our local NHS Assisted conception  unit, so I hate them all and am somewhat bias!  We were strung a long for a year saying we'd get NHS funding and then we were told to come in for an appointment, both taking time of work (thinking it was to get going) and very blankly that we were no longer on the list (after a year of waiting) because they didn't like my latest FSH result and there was nothing we could do about it even if FSH results are variable and can be affected by stress etc and/or human error on the test - well thanks you bunch of .....! (Fill in appropriate rude word!!)  Clearly it's all about cost cutting for them and cutting corners to save money wherever they can so why even say they're going to offer it?! Rrrrgh! But that was over two years ago and perhaps they were right to save their money as my cycles have been failures since ... 

Anyway grumble over and lots of luck Froggy - the cost of a consultation isn't that much to get another opinion and/or thoughts before you have another cycle.

Lots of love &  
Canuck xx


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Froggy


I am so sorry that your feeling so bad i really am   .  


Im sorry i dont know anything about donor egg as i had pgd, but to touch on the other things in your post.  I think working from home is hard and that its vital that you leave the house each day.  I know when i have felt down iv felt like just sitting at home feeling sorry for myself but this only gets me in a worst state.  I would force myself to take the dog for a long walk and always with out fail came back feeling better.  I would set a time each day that you made sure you went for a good walk.


I expect you feel totally over whelmed by things at the moment, as anyone would do.  I think the only way i coped with 4 rounds of treatment was to try to let go and move forward mentally after each failure, difficult phone call etc etc.  Its not easy but its probably the best way of not feeling over whelmed and consumed by negativity.  The thing i struggled with the most was the communication with the clinics, waiting for calls or making calls, etc etc, but i tried to be realistic in my demands.  


Live is very hard when your trying to deal with IF and there is no easy answer, but remember to look after yourself and your dh.  Try to eat well, do daily exercise and meet friends.  Remember that the rest of your life is good its just this one area that is not going to plan and that if you keep the other areas is tack (as best as possible) your cope with IF better.


As for donor egg, liike i said i dont know much about it but i do know that clinics are so so different.  Iv been to 3 and it was only on the second that they found out i have a genetic condition and need pgd.  If i had stayed with the first clinic there is a high likely hood that i would have wasted loads of money and still not ended up with a baby.  I now have a 9 month old and am lucky enough to be pregnant naturally, i am beyond  greatful that i ended up changing clinics.  If you dont feel the advise is good seak a second opinion, they may come back with the same but at least your know its the right path for you.  Good luck.  xxxx


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## Froggy82 (Nov 8, 2012)

Thank you guys so much for your insight and your kind words. It really helps!
DH and I have a lot of thinking to do…
xoxo


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