# Close friend has given birth today feeling horrible for crying



## sdonna0582 (Mar 25, 2019)

My friend has given birth today and I cried as soon as the photo went up on social media. I feel awful, my dreaded af came today aswell and it’s painful and I’m aching. I’m happy for her and she has messaged me nearly every day during her pregnancy at time I found it annoying as I’ve also been dealing with mine and dh problems through the nhs and getting referred aswell as having her message moaning about sickness and getting “fat” in her opinion. 
She doesn’t know about our infertility as we wanted to keep it between us and my mom. We’ve been trying for 6+ years, my friend had been married 4 months then got pregnant. I was one of the first she told which felt so lovely but also it’s been draining for me. 
I feel like a *****. I can’t help feeling this way everytime someone close has a pregnancy/baby it really hits home how long me and dh have been trying and I feel like it will never happen. 

Just for info- I’m 28 and oh is 29 
Been trying 6+ years ttc 
Oh has severe oligozoospermia 
Waiting for ivf/icsi round on the nhs


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## Pognut (Apr 8, 2012)

Just wanted to send you a hug. I think pretty much everyone on here has been where you are right now and we all know it really hurts. Plus then you get the added bonus of feeling bad about yourself for being upset! DON'T. It's totally normal, and totally understandable. I think you've been amazing for dealing with the updates from your friend the way you have, that must have been hard. 

In my experience, it gets a bit easier when you meet the baby - it's kind of as though when they're still an abstract concept, it's harder. When you meet them and they're a specific little individual, they don't feel so much like the child you have longed for for so long, they're another child. If that makes sense. 

Best of luck with your treatment - hope it's you with the updates soon. xx


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## hkd (Feb 20, 2018)

sdonna,
I'm really really sorry what you've been through.  I know exactly how you're feeling.  It also happened to me. My close friend got pregnant with 1st try (nhs fund).  I was happy for her but couldn't continue being supportive for her while I was miserably failing my fertility journey.  I told her I needed space at least until myself gets some happy news. It was more than a year ago and I'm still not pregnant. A few months ago I accidentally saw her social media profile pic, her with twin babies...felt sick all day
Hope you can get through this horrible time with your dh and mom's support and love.
Sending you loves and hugs xxx


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## Opossum (Oct 8, 2015)

its hard and it sucks, I watched for 9 years as everyone got pregnant... 

at first I was happy for people

by 3 years I felt a bit sorry for myself but still happy for others

at 6 years I got my miracle BFP and a bunch of friends got pregnant at the same time, I was ecstatic until I suffered a MMC and watched everyone else having their 2nd/3rd/4th babies... I got bitter and blocked people, I ended up a recluse

at 9 years I did IVF and got my BFP, some of my friend got pregnant too and it seemed we would have our babies within 6 months of each other but they both went on to have a MC and I now am lucky to have my baby but feel sad that we dont get to raise them together as friends

I feel like I've been on every side of it and its normal to feel sorry for yourself, its self preservation - good luck


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## Efi78 (Jun 26, 2017)

Hi

I feel overwhelmed whenever i see friends with happy families. I am happy for them and love them but i feel so sad afterwards because I will never have that. 
I have friends who talk constantly about their kids and honestly afterwards it gets me down. I am not sure how to deal
With it. Maybe I should see a psycologist. I feel I need help to cope. I am sick of wearing a brave face face and a constant smile on my face. But I also can’t disappear from the face of the earth and isolate myself from friends. So hurt. So unfair.


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## Guest (Nov 1, 2019)

Hi efi78,
Hope you are ok. I find gateway women website very good and some of Jodys talks and other people she points you to. This infertile thing is so hard. My current and last ivf cycle not going too well, my numbers are in reverse really, higher lh and lower estrogen, use to be low lh and higher estrogen but with age these things are changing glad this is my last one as am really fed up with it and anything that the clinic changes or does wrong I just feel like loosing it and it is my oh that gets the worst of it. We just have to keep going and even people who have kids don’t have it all, it’s hard to believe that but it is true having spent Halloween with a load Of them. 
I think counselling is a good idea as they are great for giving you ideas on how to look at things from different angles, like changing thoughts from I want, I should have children to I would strongly prefer to have children but if I can’t it might be bad but I can handle that, doesn’t make me any less of a person just a fallible human being. 
Also having spent tine with a range of children I do thing to myself that the donor egg thing is not such a bad idea cause to be fair all children are so different and all they really want is good parents not just genes.


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## Pochita (Nov 10, 2017)

Hi Donna and all,
Your post couldnt have been more synchronized with how Im feeling. We had un failed IVF cycle, have been trying for 4 years. Initially unexplained, now abnornal sperm dna. Going to try again in Jan with that ICIS. 

We found out my neighbour was pregnant the first day we started the IVF. It felt very poigniant and caused some tears.

Last week I was on leave and had to receive parcels for her baby furniture which was hard. I avoided answering the door when she came for them and got my DH to do it. 

They are decorating a nursery too...so i could hear all the crashing and banging over the weekend.

Needless to say I know just how you feel.

Thanks for everyone elses varied posts. Ill check some of those websites out.

In my case I do try to remember 2 things (that havent been working very well this week) but cause they sometimes work I thought Id share them.

When you see someone that is all you see a snapshot of their life and because of this its impossible to see the journey they had to get to that point. I dont know how many MC my neighbours had or whether they have tried IVF or well anything other than her being pregnant. Still pulls as my heart strings when i look up at their window and imagine how she might be feeling or doing.

The other is that if your going to be jelous of someone you have to want their whole life instead of yours i.e. you cant just cherry pick the good bits out of someone elses life. With this in mind when your friends are all having babies you can change the question around and ask yourself would you swap your life for theirs...everything your partner, house, family, job, past and future. Quiet often at this stage I think oh well no actually i wouldnt swap my DH for anything or my family or the skills ive acquired through work and further studies...

I mention the above strategies whilst saying that this past week its been tough, ive had a few cries and well despite above ive still had a deep sadness. But i hope in sharing above that like for me out of every 10 tines you feel like that some of what i said may help to alleviate your sadness for maybe 3/10 times?

I dont know...its a grim journey and your not alone. All the best xxx

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk


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## Efi78 (Jun 26, 2017)

Wow Pochita,

What a great post. 

And no, I wouldn’t change anything in my life and wouldn’t like to exchange lives with any of my friends. Actually, other than not having children, the reality is that my life is great in comparison to most of my friends‘ lives. 

Thank you for your post. It was just wonderful


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