# To adopt one or two? Any advice?



## EvaWishing (Feb 20, 2013)

Can anybody offer me any advice/experience/pros and cons of whether to adopt one or two children? Such a hard decision to make


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

Eva - what stage are you at? You could go for approval for more than 1 and then you are basically approved for single or siblings.

I think a lot depends on what experience you have, what ages you are looking at and your motivations for more than 1. We were desperate to adopt siblings but panel approved us for only 1 to the surprise of our SW - looking back I didn't realise how hard it was going to be to settle an adopted child into the family so I am glad we did one at a time now.


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## EvaWishing (Feb 20, 2013)

We have our panel date in February. We would be looking at perhaps two under five. Our drive is that we always pictured a bigger family and love the idea that siblings would have each other. I feel like we would have the time and patience for two but is it too much jumping from no children to two? It's so hard considering mind over heart.


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

We started with two but then thought about the impact an how we'd like to give more attention to one...

After matching panel for our son we was told BM pregnant so we had the sibling 6m later, so that was two babies within 8months, I'm now miraculously pregnant so will be 3 children within 2.5years! 

I guess if you never know of the jump from 1-2 just the big from from 0-2 it might not be as bad? I know the Jump, for us anyway, from 1-2 was hard work so hoping 2-3 is easier.

Good luck at panel xn


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## EvaWishing (Feb 20, 2013)

Oh wow what a lovely story. Congratulations   some really good points to think about thank you very much.


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

Little poppy - we did the jump from 2 to 3 this summer - so much easier than going from 1 to 2. Maybe partially down to the child but even so.

Eva - we also always wanted a bigger family and this was our main drive for wanting to be approved for siblings but please bear in mind that an adopted child will need a lot more support initially than a birth child so one at a time is not always a bad thing. on the other hand the right sibling set might well work for you. I think my point is get approval for up to 2 children and then be open minded as to whether the right match for you is a singleton or siblings.


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

I hope so tictoc, our 2nd boy is so placid an easy but just felt guilty about never being able to give either child 100% attention as both needed so much different things. I guess by the time you to 2-3 you don't feel as guilty because you're used to it an it's life as you know it! Plus eldest two have each other  x


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## Mumanddad (Apr 6, 2014)

Congratulations little poppy that is wonderful news


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

We were approved for sibs but ended up with one perfect little gem. Definitely agree don't under estimate how much attention these children need. I don't think there's any wrong way but in hind sight for us one at a time has been the right decision & lil man definitely needed the 100% focus just on him for a long time.


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

GERTIE179 said:


> don't under estimate how much attention these children need. I don't think there's any wrong way but in hind sight for us one at a time has been the right decision & lil man definitely needed the 100% focus just on him for a long time.


Well said, Gertie! The thing is, it is not parenting two or three birth children which no doubt has its challenges, it's two or three adopted children, who desperately need 1:1 attention from you! On prep course, the sw's called it parenting plus!

All kids crave attention but for ours it çan feel like they need it to survive! It's understandable and is very typical for adopted children.

Good luck with your journey.
X


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## cosmopolitan4112008 (Oct 18, 2013)

Whatever you decide, two now or one now and second later on, it's a very noble gesture to give a child home. I feel deeply for those children.


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Hi Cosmopolitan

I do not feel in any way 'noble', I wanted a child and adoption gave me (the best   ) one.  
X


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## cosmopolitan4112008 (Oct 18, 2013)

Maybe I didn't express myself correctly  because English is not my mother tongue. I meant "very generous and kind"


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

Eva, we adopted 2 together. we wanted siblings because be believed if we could help keep siblings together then we should. 


we also didnt want to have to go through assessment again for another - and thought we'd complete our family at once. 


LOL that didn't work we are about to have number 4! 


BUT - it is hard work. I don't know what it is like to have 1, we had a 1 yr old and a 3 yr old. both with development delay - both in nappies, no speech - it was like i was handed twin toddlers. it was tough going that first year. 
Now i have 2 wonderful boys 10 & 8, they are brothers in arms - deeply devoted to each other - fight like cat and dog    we love the fact that they belong together, that they started our little family. People talk about sibling trauma and why adopters should only ever adopt 1 at a time - for us we have seen none of this, my boys have never brought trauma or distress to each other - and we very firmly believe if siblings can come together they should be given that chance. 


perhaps leave it to your sw to present you with PARs of appropriate sibling groups - some children may jump out at you - with ours we just knew they were ours - i wanted girls or one of each, and these 2 little boys captured my heart. 


good luck in your decision.


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## Blueboo (Feb 11, 2012)

Hi, we adopted brothers aged 1 and 2 and I'm glad we did, but then I don't know any different! Because we definitely wanted to adopt 2 children, we would rather have kept siblings together than adopt 2 unrelated children separately. Partly so we didn't have to go through assessment twice and partly because we worried about the added difficulty of making sure a second adoption was right for the first child if we adopted twice. 
It has been incredibly hard work with 2 small boys all of a sudden,and I always feel guilty about not being able to give 100% attention to each child, but there are ways round that especially in a couple. I knew it was going to be hard work but there are lots of advantages too. I've often thought it would be too intense having only one, especially in those early months when you are with them 24 hours a day. With 2 there are times when they entertain each other! 
I think it really depends on the specific children and their needs. We have been incredibly lucky that our 2 have no complex needs (so far) and are relatively 'straightforward' children to parent. I don't think there is a trauma bond (hope I'm not tempting fate) and their relationship is strong. Other siblings may be a lot more difficult if they trigger each other or if either of them had more complex needs and to couldn't give them 100% of your time. 
Adopting is so hard no matter what, so if you feel you can cope with 2 I say go for it!


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## Sun Flower (Jul 14, 2008)

for us we started the process thinking we would go for siblings, then we went to panel and were matched with one child. 
18 months later we went through the process again and we have now just completed our family with baby number 2. So if you start with one you can always apply again and add to your family in the future. 
Good luck x


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