# Daily mail article today re donor eggs



## nevertoolate

The mail today has an article regarding donor egg ivf and their slant on clinics making money. They are really negative about donor conception and giving the impression that the woman donating are not fully aware. As someone who has gone through a lot of anguish in regards to this topic I wish they would understand the impact their stories have on women going through this treatment and the bad impression they are giving the general public which is untrue


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## deblovescats

I totally agree dreaming - I have just posted a similar topic in the DE section - hadn't seen yours. I was upset by the negativity in it. The implication was that us recipients are complicit in taking advantage of vulnerable women. After all, us recipients are paying over the odds for our treatment so that clinics can give the donor's cheaper or free treatment. The eggs are after all, cells, they become babies when they implant in the womb. I took exception to the comment from a donor that her children were being raised by another woman!! Correction, they are not her children! they are the recipient's. After all, she didn't get pregnant from the IVF when she donated her eggs, so those she donated would probably not have implanted in her either. It's hard enough to deal with using donor eggs, than to have to be subjected to these articles. Also, it does not help anyone going through treatment to open up to other people about using donor eggs. The article should have included an interview with a recipient and also with a donor who was happy about the donation. After all, this gives a donor a chance of a baby. Interestingly, a couple of weeks ago, one of the women's magazines had an article about 3 women who had decided to donate eggs and were happy about it! 
It upset me, it even made me think for a moment that it was as if I had 'bought' a baby!


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## nevertoolate

the daily mail article on this was totally disgusting and cruel in their views. They are negative about so many different subjects i am surprised it has not been banned!. If this article is even true then their source could not be typical of donors as both donor and recipient have support from the clinic in their decision making. I almost feel as this is a made up story as if a donor had that view on their donation then the clinic would not allow them to go ahead. 
I view the woman who gave me her donation as my angel and I will always be grateful to her but i am certain she would not view herself as the mother of the baby i carried and grew as her child or family. She gave me her egg not on loan but forever so I could experience the joy of my own child that she has had. It is the ultimate in sisterhood act as far as I am concerned and the daily mail is just trying to poison the publics mind to this option to start a family who nobody enters lightly. It is an insult to both the women who donate and the recipients who have gone through so so much both emotionally and physically to get to the stage to have donor eggs.


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## Sassy-lassy

Dear Dreaming,
I think we all know that the Daily Fail is a misogynistic heap of sh**e.  Reading it on-line however, it is one of my guilty secrets.  You know you shouldn't, but sometimes you just can't help yourself.  And the readers' comments are just ghastly...
Back to the actual issue it raises however, I sought treatment abroad, which meant that the donor whose egg ultimately became my daughter was paid.  I have absolutely no qualms about this.  I was keen to have young, healthy eggs - my own body having spectacularly failed me on this account - and the donor was wanting to fund a master's degree.  The way I look at it, we were both grateful for the transaction...  The resulting baby is my child and mine alone, and to insinuate otherwise is plain ludicrous.  Don't think they'd want to interview me, lol...
xx


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## June2015

Hello ladies 

I read that article too and​ whilst I know it's only the daily mail doing its usual shoddy reporting it still made me mad  

I registered myself and posted several comments to the stupid people remarking on a subject they have no idea about.  I think the comments upset me more than the article, but then again one has to remember that there are a lot of trolls out there.

You're right Deb, articles like this really do not help those currently going through donor treatment and do not encourage those who are, or have had treatment want to step forward to talk about it.

I don't view my LO whom I'm lucky enough to have kicking away inside me as I type, as someone elses baby and I'm 99.9% sure that 99.9% of donor's won't view any child as a result of their donation as their baby/child either. 

Boooooooooo to the daily mail and their  wipe article


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## Squiggly

Yes, I saw the article and it annoyed me, too. 

There was this sense that it was immoral and exploitative to be offering women free treatment in exchange for half their eggs. I don't agree.

It's about choice. We enter into any such arrangements with our eyes wide open. Treatment is expensive and egg sharing is one way of ensuring you have a few goes. No one would make this decision lightly as there is always a risk that your recipient ends up pregnant and you don't - and you have to think about how you feel about other couples raising kids who have your DNA. If it bothers you, don't do it.

What the article didn't do was support the idea that all of us - whether we have a low income or not - should be offered the three goes on the NHS that NICE recommends.


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## June2015

Squiggly

Totally unrelated to the topic but I see you've not got long now!  Congratulations and good luck xxxx

x


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## nevertoolate

I wish these paper editors would think how they would feel if someone in their family was going through all this. It is such a heart wrenching subject. This child I have is my baby, I have really gone through hell both physically and emotionally to have him. Instead of treating donor mums/ parents as second class citizens, could they have the intelligence to recognise just what we go through.


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## deblovescats

You speak total sense ladies. I agree with you dreaming. we've gone through such a lot. I didn't qualify for free IVF due to my age (so we're already discriminated against) and I am not well off financially, I've had to scrape money together by myself as I'm also single, and have paid more for the treatment as it was egg share. I feel that we have also contributed to the egg sharer having the chance for treatment. The article still rankles with me - it made me feel that I was a party to exploitation, and I don't feel that we are really. My children are my babies and no one else's and the article made me feel that my joy was tarnished, which it shouldn't be. Even once we have a match and the embryos have been created, the donor can still change her mind and not agree to the embryos being used, so it's also recipients who are exploited as potentially you could pay out a lot of money and get nothing for it. however, I don't really think most donors would do this as they want a chance of a baby and have obviously thought about it at length. I'm really grateful to my donor by the way and I'm happy for her that she went on to have a baby too! 
The journalists should really think about how there are human beings at the root of these stories!


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## Tinseltown

The Daily Fail is 'click bait'. I already mentioned this on the other thread, but honestly, I hate it so much, I actually get annoyed when I see other people reading it. All I can think of is what ghastly, opportunistic journalists they have...


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## Lola Pinch

So glad I decided to log back in and read this as I am starting the egg donation process soon after a stressful time a couple years ago that split me and my OH up in the end. 

We are back together and wanted to donate to help another family, my consultation was on the day this article came out. Was a little scary but I approached my clinic and no one has 'sold' it to me. Still full of questions so hoping the next session will help answer them.


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## deblovescats

Lola - I think it is a kind act that you want to do and I am so glad that you're not scared off by the article, which to me didn't seem at all balanced. I am a recipient from an egg sharer and am so grateful to my donor. I am so blessed to have my gorgeous son and beautiful daughter, who I wouldn't have without my donor. I think you should ask as many questions as you feel you need to, to your clinic. I hope you realise that if you go ahead, your recipient will cherish your gift as I do mine.


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## fluttershy1983

Hi ladies, just wanted to say that I'm so happy that there are a lot of ladies out there that are thankful for egg donors such as myself.
I became a donor in 2015 and I feel happy that I may have helped someone achieve their dream of becoming a mummy. 
I have of course had a few doubts in the beginning but I asked loads of questions and I felt it was something I really wanted to do. when I lost a baby last year I was full of emptiness but I have never once thought that the eggs I donated were mine.

I view it as I lose an egg each month, so why not help someone else have their dreams come true? I live my life by a moto of if I can I will. I would like to think if the shoe was on the other foot I'd hope that there would of been someone out there willing to help me in the way I have hopefully helped someone out. I chose not to find out wether she fell pregnant or even if she has Frosties. For me I'm happy and content in the not knowing, not because I feel those eggs are mine, not in the slightest. It is more for ignorance is bliss the less I know the less I have to think about. I'm happy in my decision and don't regret it for one second but I don't view the eggs I donated as mine or even as a part of me, so the less I know the better. 
I have to say I've not met an egg donor who has regretted sharing her eggs. 
You ladies are going/gone through some really horrible and though times, and I know it's not easy for any one to accept that their eggs are not good enough. I admire your strength at having faced the darkest times of your lives you find the will to carry on and your strong will shines through when you pick yourself a up just carry on be it through donor eggs/adoption/surrogacy I take my hat off to you all. 
Be proud of what you've gone through in times of adversity. 

Keep your heads high, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Do not let the ill informed dampen your smile ladies you deserve to be happy you are all mothers of YOUR children. You carried them inside you, you soothed them when they cried, you fed them changed them and showed them unconditional love. No one can take that away from you. 
Xxxx


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## deblovescats

Hi flutter
Thanks for your lovely post. You reduced me to tears - and made me feel so much better in the process. I am just going to love my babies and be grateful to my donor, but not to think about this aspect all the time. I feel it is an act of reciprocity between recipient and donor. I was so angry that the article made me feel as they were implying we recipients were exploiting donors as well. I feel so happy now, thank you.


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## nevertoolate

Hi flutter
Thank you so much for your kind words. I often think of how I would feel if I had been fortunate enough to donate and I honestly I think I would have had the same approach as you. Thank you so much for Donating. I honestly don't know where I would be if did not have my son. You need to know just what a difference you have made to your recipients life. X


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