# Krissi's adoption journey



## kizzi79

Hi all

I have found reading the diaries of other members really helpful, both treatment and adoption ones - getting a sense of what it will be like, and since starting to keep perspective (it really is a hard journey for us all!!), I did some during treatment and hope that this will be as cathartic.

*A BIT OF HISTORY...*

I am 32 and single. After a couple of years of deep contemplation (am I strong enough to be a mum on my own, what will others think, how will this affect my child long term, should I wait longer, adoption or fertility treatment) and discussion with my amazing family I finally opted to undergo donor IUI in 2009.

I started with my clinic in March 2009 - went to an information evening, then met with a consultant (to go through my medical history), had all the blood tests (to check hormones all ok and no infections), a hycosy (to check tubal patency) and finally a counselling session (to explore if I was settled in my decision and had fully considered all its implications) - that all passed and it was finally on towards treatment.

The next stage was picking a donor. The clinic I have used does not have its own sperm bank so they advised I use Xytec (an American company who will ship to liscenced clinics in the UK). As it is an American company far more detail was given about the donor - pictures (both baby and adult), medical history, info re the donors family, details on physical charcteristics, academic info, job, hobbies, and an essay on why they chose to be a donor and their hopes for any resultant child - all via the internet !!! I chose my donor as he had similar physical charcteristics to myself and as he sounded a nice person in the essay. He is ID release (as is the law if having treatment in the UK, this will allow any child to trace their donor and any siblings if they wish once they are 18yrs). My six "vials" were then sent by recorded delivery to the clinic...

I finally started treatment in August 2009. I did a natural cycle - so no drugs - just a scan at day 10 of my cycle to ensure a follicle had developed and then peeing on ovulation predictor sticks awaiting a rise in hormones which indicate ovulation is imminent - the following day (day 14 of my cycle) I went for my first treatment. I was really anxious before my first IUI as I did not know what to expect, but all went well and it was time to wait 2 long weeks to find out if the treatment had worked. Despite knowing the odds of IUI working are really low (about 11% per natural cycle I was told) I really believed it would work 1st time (after all, my test results had all been good) - sadly it did not and I was so so upset

I had 3 further natural treatments in September 2009, December 2009 and February 2010 - I was far more relaxed as I now knew the clinic staff and what to expect - but still no luck

In April 2010 I changed to a medicated cycle of iui to increase the chances of success - I took Clomid 50mg on cycle days 2-5 - I felt really well and so so positive during this cycle feeling this would be the one! Sadly the scans showed I had over responded to the medication and there were too many follicles for the clinic to allow me to proceed - I knew this was for my safety and to prevent harm to any possible resultant babies but I felt so angry and cheated - I cried for days during which thankfully my family supported me.

So in June 2010 the clinic came up with a new plan... iui using injectable Gonal-F (the dose of which could be more accurately controlled depending on my response. Took 37.5iu increasing to 75iu (a relatively small dose) - initially had 2 dominant follicles, but eventually there was only 1 which developed to a size where likely to release an egg. I was due to have a trigger shot to ensure the timing of the insemination was bang on but using the ovulation pee sticks I found I ovulated early... Had the insemination and was started on Crinone gel (a progesterone supplement supposed to support pregnancy) - but again it was a BFN









In July 2010 I went straight into another medicated cycle (using Gonal F again). Again I was on 37.5-75iu dosage. Again I was due to have a trigger shot. Had 2 beautiful follies ready and waiting. But again I ovulated early and when I went in was scanned and staff found they were too late for an insemination. Held it together at the clinic but absolutely devastated. It just seemed so unfair!









In August 2010 had another medicated iui with Gonal F - was scanned more frequently and given a lower dosage (only 37.5iu) - again I was due to use a trigger shot, but again I ovulated before this was given. Only 1 dominant follicle this time, but size good and scan showed good lining. Again the treatment failed







. So gutted - feeling lost - this was the last of my 6 vials







.

So it was on to a new plan...

Saw the consultant and after lots of soul searching we agreed that I should move to ivf. There was nothing obvious preventing me from getting pregnant - all the blood tests remained good - but my chances with iui were now considered low after so many failures.

Due to finances and a wish to help others in a similar situation i decided to do the cycle with egg share.

So lots of additional tests later... and another session with a counsellor to ensure I was truely ok with my decision to share... I was matched with a recipent. Apparently a couple who had been trying for 10yrs with assisted fertility techniques, had recently been let down by another potential donor who had changed her mind.

So it was off to Xytex to buy more donor sperm - another 3 vials winging its way over the Atlantic!

So in March 2011 started my 1st cycle of ivf - my cycle had been altered to sync with my recipient using Marvelon, down regged using Buserelin injections, stimulated using Gonal F (112.5iu - 150iu) - had to have 2 extra days stims as was not quite ready. On going back for another scan and bloods was told that my estrodiole levels were really high and that I was at risk of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome - the decision was made that I was unlikely to be allowed to have a transfer and would probably need any embryos to be frozen.

Egg collection was done using sedation (fentanyl and midazolam) - but i was awake and remember everything!! It was excrutiating! (sorry everyone, don't want to put anyone off, i think lots of people respond to the sedation by going in to a deep sleep unlike me







.) They got 8 eggs - 4 for me, 4 for recipient. Spoke with the consultant who OKed me going for transfer as was physically well despite my blood results showing high risk for OHSS.

Of my 4 only 2 fertilised, and only 1 of those survived to be transferred.

Embryo transfer 2 days later - nurse experinced problems as difficult to visiualise on ultrasound scan as despite having not passed urine all morning my bladder was not full enough! Also difficult inserting the speculum as so sore from egg collection. But little embie was in and it was on to the 2ww. Sadly after just 8 days I began bleeding - as instructed did a pregnancy test on official test date but this only confirmed it was a BFN yet again







. Really struggled - I had known that there was something to lose this time,and I grieved for the 2 babies I felt I had lost.

The consultant explained that of the total 8 eggs 6 had fertilised (so not a prob with my eggs), they were pleased with how I responded, don't really know why it didn't work. Sadly it was a BFN for the recipients too - I felt so guilty. So now had to wait 6 months before I can do another cycle.

I then decided to do a regular (non-sharing) cycle this time to try and improve my chances. Also will have 2 embryos put back if pos - increases the chances of twins, but also of pregancy - with 2 put back 75% of pregnancies will still be a single baby with approx 25% being twins.

I took the same medication as last time and got 7 eggs. All 7 fertilised and were going strong on day 3 so the decision was made to go to blastocyst. Sadly only 2 embryos survived to day 5 - both were put back but yet again I started to bleed early and on OTD the pregnancy test confirmed yet another BFN  . I was completely devastated. 
I had several reviews with consultants - they explained that the 2 embryos had been slow to develop (indicating a potential egg problem as the donor was proven). They suggested a change in medication to reduce the risk of ohss (as yet again my body had over responded to the drugs) - but warned this would not improve my chances of success. They suggested it may be worth trying a different donor but felt it was unlikely to make a difference.
Lots of soul searching and Idecided to have a go at a natural iui with the remaining vial of donor sperm (as i didn't want to waste it, had always got good fertilisation rates with it and had wondered if the drugs may be causing me problems as i always overresponded). I went ahead with this in February 2012 - nice not to have so many procedures or drugs, but sadly this treatment was yet again another failure  . 
I spent the last few months looking at options - talking to the consultants, getting a second opinion, looking at possible donor egg or embryo treatment - but i realised after a lot of soul searching that this was no longer the right path for me. Emotionally and financially I am spent. And with no clear cause (pcos, egg probs, weight issues - all discussed but no clear evidence for any of it) there are no guarentees that a change in treatment type will make a difference.
With so much media attention of adoption I am hoping that my new journey may be less painful than I had evisioned it when considering adoption back in 2009 - either way the journey of the last 3 years has made me a more resilient person and thus more able to cope with the difficulties which I will face on this new journey. And maybe this will give both me and some child out there a second shot at having a family  .

So today I have sent off my application to have an initial home visit  (having attended an info evening back in March) - and so I am back to waiting!!!!

Take care everyone, and I hope if you too are trying to conceive that you are successful ASAP! or if adopting that you find you forever family ASAP! 

Or if some years in the future my child is reading this (to help me explain my journey to motherhood) please know that you are so wanted and I look forward to meeting you some day soon

Love, Krissi xx


----------



## nutmeg

Hi Krissi and thanks for sharing your journey so far. Here's hoping your adoption journey is much more straightforward.


----------



## flickJ

Oh Krissi, you have been through such a torrid time    you have been through so much  

Welcome to the start of your journey to adoption, I hope things go smoothly for you and that you find plenty of help and support here


----------



## KJB1978

Welcome Krissi - hope the journey runs smoothly for you x


----------



## kizzi79

Thank you so much for the lovely welcome ladies.

Got a letter confirming receipt of my application form so should hopefully hear from someone soon - am a little scarred and excited all at once!!!

Love to all, Krissi xx


----------



## kizzi79

Am feeling a little grumpy!!! - have had no further contact from the agency :-( 
Have others had long waits before initial contact?
If I were being rational I would realise its summer when lots of people (and sw's) are on holiday - but I dont feel like that today ;-)
Krissi  x


----------



## KJB1978

We went 2 months after initial contact and we were around the summer hols too - apparently all SW's are on holiday  

Sorry x


----------



## Billybeans

I ams o sorry Krissi that you have been through so much and now it's back to waiting. I hope you hear soon now that the summer holidays are over.


----------



## kizzi79

Well I finally got a call today - but was unfortunately on a course for work with my phone switched off    so only a voicemail - but will be phoning back bright and early tomorrow morning (fingers crossed for some good news   .

Thanks for all your support ladies   , will let you know how I get on...

Krissi xx


----------



## kizzi79

Well I finally heard from my LA on Tuesday (the social worker Eve ended up leaving a message on my voicemail as I was on a course for work), then Wednesday we both tried calling the other and missing each other... and finally she called me at 8pm from home (bless her!!) and arranged to see me yesterday afternoon - eeek not much time to get the house ready (but possibly better for my sanity as less time to stress about it). Seemed to go ok, lots of questions about home, family, friends, lifestyle, work, what you intend to do adoption leave wise, what type of children you may be intersted in, why no boyfriends







, were you bothered about not having a boyfriend, etc etc. She has to present my case on 25th September to a team meeting and they will then decide whether to take me forward to the prep course in late October







.

Wish me luck, Krissi xx


----------



## Billybeans

Good luck


----------



## kizzi79

Got a phone call from the social worker yesterday to say I have formally been accepted to apply to adopt with the LA and can go on the October prep course - YAY!!!!!   

Krissi x


----------



## Billybeans

Fantastic news, have you started the prep course yet? Would be good to hear how you are getting on.


----------

