# Any negatives to Egg Sharing?? Just decided to donate......



## Cars (Apr 27, 2008)

Hi All,

My DH and I have just discovered egg sharing programme and wondered if we could have peoples thoughts, if they feel there is any negative things about all this, we are really liking the idea and it doesnt bother me that in 18 years I migt get a tap on my door, they would be welcomed with open arms, my dh and I are a strong couple who feel this is something we could deal with. 

The thoughts of someone else becoming a mummy because of our donation actually brings a tear to my eye, we know how hard this fertility malarky! We would be sharing my eggs.

Any thoughts would be so very much appreciated


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## BudgieSeed (Jan 22, 2009)

I think that's a fabulous thing for you to do.


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## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

Hey hun

It depends who you are, and to me you sound very happy to egg share... Some ladies cant bring there selves to donate, which is fine, others see it as a fantastic thing to do for someone else. I can honestly say the its one of the best things I have done. I have done it once and about to egg share again. 

If your happy then go for it. The only downside I think is knowing you didnt get pregnant and your recipient did. Its only natrually to feel let down and a bit jealous. But I havent found out yet, but I will do when I am ready. 

Good luck
Natalie xxx


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

Hello

You asked for negatives, so I thought I'd share why I decided it wasn't for me (not that I respond well enough anyway, but I didn't know that at the time as the tests showed I should do, so it was a genuine issue for me)  These thoughts are totally personal, and in no way reflect negatively on the people who feel that egg donation is for them.  

My issue was the fact that one day in 18 years time someone might turn up who was genetically my child but not, if you see what I mean.  Now that's something I wasn't sure I would be able to cope with, especially if that child turned out to be looking for me because they weren't happy in some way, and added to that how would it affect the other people around me?  If I had died in the interim for instance, how would my parents react to a grandchild that wasn't a grandchild?  As it happens my parents are very anti donation, for complicated reasons which I respect.  They have a close friend whose experience of adoption was negative despite being placed with a loving family as they always felt 'something missing' and this has coloured their percpetion. This lady was adopted at a few days old, and I understand that there was no real matching of her to the family, and she was a bit like the ugly duckling - just didn't fit with her brothers and sisters (who were genetically related to their parents).  My parents would say that with proper modern adoption all sorts of factors are taken into account that should mean the adopted person does fit into their family as well as possible, plus there is a good reason why the person wasn't able to stay with their birth family.  With egg donation, however, this can't be the case, and in my case I would be giving the egg away for financial reasons principally - it would be differnent if I was unable to proceed with treatment and the eggs or embryos were going to be destroyed if I didn't use them, then I'd definitely donate rather than destroy.  Yes, it is a wonderful thing to give the opportunity to another person, but I just felt that I would worry that the child wouldn't see it that way and would blame me for having given it away.  For me the child's welfare is what worries me. I guess you'll see that part of my problem here is that I can't help thinking of the egg as being a child and intrinsically related to me!  I guess not everyone would believe genetic links were quite that important, or that an egg can be thought of as a child?  

And of course it works both ways - I wouldn't contemplate using donor eggs or sperm for the same reason, even though given our problems it might be 'medically advisable'.

As I say, please ignore all of this - but you did ask for negatives ...

Jx


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## swhattie (Feb 9, 2009)

Hi,

I have egg shared twice now and whilst the idea of someone coming knocking on my door in 18 years doesnt bother me one bit what does bother me is that after BFNS did my recip get BFPS?? I wouldnt want to know to be honest - although this might change should I get my BFP later on this month! 

I have done it egg share for purely financial reasons, I have to be honest that i disnt do it to get a bfp for another lady altho if they get one then I would  be very happy for them (so long as i dont know!) I did it because I would be able to afford multiple attempts at ICSI paying 4K each time!

I dont have ANY ethics or morals where egg donation goes. each month since 1995 i have released an egg which has quite simply been flushed down the toilet and so a woman that isnt that lucky should be given every opportunity to have access to an egg she wouldnt other wise have - you cant tuck an egg up in bed at night, you cant breastfeed an egg or take them to school so an egg to me is a means to an end!

So for me there are a lot more pro's than cons and the only con is that if you dont get enough eggs you havve a choice whether to donate all or keep all therefore letting recip down and also the recip getting a BFP when you get a BFN but then what you dont know doesnt hurt!!

Financially it was the best decison for us totally.

and I dont think that at all (up until writing this actually!!) that there could be a lady somewhere about to give birth sometime this week (which is when i would have been due had my first cycle worked) to her babies made from eggs that were once mine!


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## Jules1 (Mar 7, 2005)

I've egg shared 3 times mainly for financial reasons but also we needed a sperm donor and so therefore know how import it is to donate, I know that on my second try the recipient got pregnant and I didn't.

I had to find this out at at my clinic as they will only let you egg share a third time if either yourself or your recipent got a positive result.

It still didn't work for me third time round, so I know somewhere running round now will be a 12 month old child genetically half mine.

It was a shock at the time when I found out but I've come to terms with it now... I have howeve never asked if the recipent was successfull on the 3rd attempt as if it was a positive I really would be gutted!

I can't really afford any more treatment and as I'm 36 now I can't egg share again anyway even though I obviously had pretty good results!

So as it stands we are still childless whilst my recipent has a 12 month old!

Such is life....

I would however given the chance egg share again if there is anybody out there wanting to finance another go with a knackered 36 year old!

Good Luck

xx


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## Just a girl (Mar 6, 2008)

Cars,

I too started out to egg share for financial reasons but can honestly say I was really happy to be able to help someone else.
  
I was extremely fortunate that my cycle worked and I did enquire to see if my recipients cycle worked and felt genuinely gutted for her when I found out it didn't, however I did say that if my cycle didn't work then I wouldn't find out if my recipients had straight away.

I did worry about what any child born as a result of my donation would of thought about the whole situation (if their parents chose to tell them) which is why I agonised over 'the green form' and spent a long time constructing a letter which I felt would give them some of those answers.

In a nut shell I would definitely egg share again as its so sad that any of us have to suffer from infertility.

Good luck with your decision


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## Cars (Apr 27, 2008)

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for all your replies and for being so honest, it means a lot to us. xx Will let you all know how we get on xx


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

Best of luck! 
 

Jx


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## catkins (Apr 12, 2008)

Hi, and good luck with your decision.

Just to throw my 2 cents in - I chose to egg share partly for financial reasons, but partly to help out another woman. I hoped that she would get pregnant, but the negative for me was that my cycle didn't work (I had a chemical pregnancy lost @ 4 weeks) and the doctor said to me "if it makes you feel any better, the recipient is pregnant"... Now, I am please for her, but I was not ready to hear that and was surprised that he didn't even give me the choice. He just came out with it. So if you don't want to know, then make sure the docs know that so they don't blurt anything out!!

I don't regret egg sharing at all, and I know when I get my sticky BFP I will think back to this time and feel happy to have done it.

My next cycle I am keeping all the eggs for myself though, to give myself the best chance possible.

Best of luck, Katy


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