# New here....considering double donation?



## subicky (Apr 28, 2009)

HI

I started this journey  July 08...when i was 41 & single....want to be a mum so started at LWC IUI....1st time BFP!!!  lost it at 6 weeks 
2nd/3rd BFN!! 
Then had fsh of 18 & advised to go to donor egg....and sperm.... 

Im now no longer single....and need to decide whether we try naturally to conceive knowing my eggs may not be great or to go for a double donation as not using patners sperm....Such a tough call....
Anyone had a baby with egg share?? Do you feel they are yours?? is the gene thing an issue ??

Any advise or similar issues?

Thanx in advance

Su xx


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## ♥Jovial♥ (Feb 25, 2007)

Hi Su,

Welcome to FF - sure someone will be along soon who is using double donation.  Sorry to hear about your loss  

Is there male factor also?  You just mentioned not using your partner for treatment but also trying to concieve naturally.  Not an easy decision but sure you will do what is right for you...... certainly no harm trying naturally while you are deciding.  It's definately an option if you got pg 1st time IUI.  Have you discussed double donation with the clinic counsellor yet?  Just thought it might be useful for you to talk to someone impartial - and this place is a must have for anyone going down this route, plenty of support and information here.

Good luck with your journey.

Jovi x


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi there subicky and welcome to our little group  

I don't think we've any singlies here who have had double donor and given birth - oh no, that's not true, there's suzieb - she's not online too much but maybe try sending her a PM. Ladylottie is pregnant at the moment, and there are several of us trying with double donor.....myself included

For me personally I have no doubt whatsoever that the child will be mine. A parent is the person who brings the child up, loves them, takes care of them, supports them etc. I will be eternally grateful to the donors for making it possible for me to have a child, but they are not the parents and never will be. Although I am having tx in the UK so the child can find out more about their genetic background when they grow up - if they choose to. Again, I don't see this as them finding their 'parents' but as them having the opportunity to know more about their genetic make up. They may not want to, but that would be their choice ultimately. But I will absolutely be their mother, my mum their grandmother, my nieces and nephews their cousins etc.
So I guess for me, no, the gene thing is not an issue. Of course I would have loved to have had children with a partner, or with my own eggs, but it wasn't to be (and not for lack of trying!)....

I wonder if some counselling might help? I used to scoff at this a bit, but now I realise it was because I had not found the right counsellor. Now that I have it's made a huge difference and I've really been able to think everything through and feel totally comfortable with my decision

Whatever you decide, I guess there's no harm in trying naturally in the meantime either    

Best of luck with the decision making - might be worth also posting on the main DE thread if you have not already - there are many women there who have had egg donation if not double donation - who will be able to share their experiences with you

Suitcase
x


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## subicky (Apr 28, 2009)

Hiya

Ta so much for getting back to me...

Steve my other half is nearly 50 with two grown sons....He has been fully aware of the process as I told him on our second date that I was going for treatment to be a "single " mum...He has last month decided that he is ok for us to have unprotected sex...once he heard my chances of concieving are low....the idea of him giving his sperm is a whole different game for him...strange as i dont really see a difference..a dad one way or the other...

Re the counsellor....I am one so i talk to myself lots

Thanx again

Su



Jovigirl said:


> Hi Su,
> 
> Welcome to FF - sure someone will be along soon who is using double donation. Sorry to hear about your loss
> 
> ...


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## ♥Jovial♥ (Feb 25, 2007)

I talk to myself a lot too - gives the dog a break  

I can kind of see where he is coming from, a clinic would show more of an intent I suppose .... but as you say, not a massive difference when baby is here.  It's nice to hear that dating is still possible while going this alone   I take my hat off to you, don't think I could handle both at the same time!

There's lots of discussions going on here, so jump in where ever you feel the need.

Best of luck,
Jovi x


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## subicky (Apr 28, 2009)

Jovigirl said:


> I talk to myself a lot too - gives the dog a break
> 
> I can kind of see where he is coming from, a clinic would show more of an intent I suppose .... but as you say, not a massive difference when baby is here. It's nice to hear that dating is still possible while going this alone  I take my hat off to you, don't think I could handle both at the same time!
> 
> ...


Hi Jovi,

ta for rthat...i have a JRT, 2yrs, she a great listener.... wots yours? Yeh Steve has been amazing all the way along... ( I told him my plans on the second date) he has got his head around the dad thing...being a donor not his...as he says less committment for him....& if we work out, which we both hope we do then he will adopt the baby anyway...
Did you have an amh test..I guess that may give me some idea re my ovarian reserve and whther there is a higher chance re concieving naturally?

Cheers

Su x


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## subicky (Apr 28, 2009)

Hi ta that helps to hear..wots a PM? cant quite work this sight yet?

Su x 



suitcase of dreams said:


> Hi there subicky and welcome to our little group
> 
> I don't think we've any singlies here who have had double donor and given birth - oh no, that's not true, there's suzieb - she's not online too much but maybe try sending her a PM. Ladylottie is pregnant at the moment, and there are several of us trying with double donor.....myself included
> 
> ...


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