# how to get baby to engage



## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

i spend half my waking hours trying to get baby lower, sitting on my bouncy ball or walking up and down stairs etc, but every time i go to sleep, can hardly breathe because baby is back up under my breasts again and there's no room for my lungs. since i have read a first early labour can take up to 16 hours, and being awake a day doesn't seem to be long enough to get the baby low enough, i am clearly going to need to have been awake solidly for about two to three days at least before i ever get to the pushing stage. Clearly i can't push after being awake that long i will be too tired. How can i get to sleep standing up or in a position where baby can't get back up again so i can get him lower? Otherwise i am going to need a section..

secondly, i am very scared that if baby does engage and his head is in my pelvis but his body still in my belly, that if/when i sit down, if i bend forward eg to put shoes on or something, i will snap his neck and head off. how can i stop that happening?

i'm also worried because i haven't been booked for a scan this week just a consultant appointment (when i will be 39 weeks by scan dates or 38+2 by ivf dates) but with no scan how will they know how big the head is? i am scared it will be bigger than 9.9 cm. Since fully dilated is 10 cm it is imperative the head is smaller or again i will need a section. i can't have a section since i am scared of epidurals - i have tried asking for help, for weeks and weeks now, asked my midwife, and the other midwife, and the hospital midwives, and the consultant, and the consultants assistant, and the antenatal class lady, and not one of them will/has helped me, everyone just thinks i should 'decide on the day' as if i am lying about being scared of it. i'm worried the are working on a basis that they will pump me full of oxytocin (which clearly i must refuse) and then make me all trusting of them so they can then do an epidural regardless of my terror which will then either kill me or leave me with lifelong injury and post traumatic stress disorder from having been tricked into having it. oxytocin makes people tell lies http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-26771703. 
so i cannot trust anyone who is administering it since if they have been exposed to it themselves they will not be able to be truthful about the danger of an epidural.


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## Kaz1979 (Apr 11, 2011)

Hi Goldbunny

Those are complex questions and I would ask that you discuss with consultant at your appointment as I can only go into so much detail. 

Firstly to assist engagement bounce on your ball get out walking and be active. However do not "stay up" as you need to rest and conserve energy. If baby moves when you sleep then baby has not fully engaged. Some babies don't until you get the pressure of contractions. So you will not need a section as baby may engage with the contractions. 


You will not snap baby's head of as baby can bend at the neck as we do. And you can only bend a small amount when 38+wks. 

You would not normally be booked for a scan at this stage unless any concerns that baby was measuring large. Baby's bones in skull are designed to overlap during birth to adjust the the birth canal as needed. Your body and baby are very clever and well designed. 


It is ok to be apprehensive about an epidural and no one can force you to have one. The same with oxytocin. Midwives will not lie to you nor doctors. We have to give you accurate information to enable you to make an informed decision. 

Epidurals are safe and the risks involved are very very small. Again you do have to consent to the procedure. 

Please please bring these concerns up at your appointment to discuss these in detail. 

Kaz xxx


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