# advice please.



## going it alone (Feb 11, 2006)

My friend's daughter and her partner are considering starting treatment. They have not decided yet to go with (or start to look for) a known donor or to go with an unknown donor. I have twins using DIUI but only have experience of being a single woman going to my GP and getting a refferal, so my knowledge is pretty limited. Advice please.

Sam x


----------



## mintyfaglady (Aug 25, 2007)

Hi Sam,

There are lots of things I'm sure your friend's daughter and her partner will be thinking about before they get started. It can be a bit overwhelming sometimes. There are a few books which might help them consider their options - searching for "Lesbian conception on Amazon threw up these options: http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_ss_b?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=lesbian+conception&x=0&y=0

If they're thinking about using a known donor, they'll want to think about how much or how little they'd want him involved with the child after birth. A donor agreement can be drawn up but they're currently not legally binding. Also, there are legal processes to be gone through if they decide they want the donor to give up his parental rights and/or if they want the non-birthing mother to have full parental rights through adoption. I have a feeling that this may change soon when the new Human Embryology and Fertility Act passes next year. Sure someone will be able to tell you. The big bonus about doing it this way is that it's practically free

If they use a clinic, their legal position is much clearer, though, as before, currently the non-birthing mother has to go through a legal adoption process after the birth to obtain full rights (though parental responsibility is easier to get - just paperwork if they are CP'd). Clinics can be either private or NHS, but they're likely to be paying customers, whichever they choose - free fertility treatment on the NHS is VERY difficult for lesbians to get, unless they have a clear, known and recognised fertility problem, though some areas/GPs are more open to the idea, but it depends where they live. Either way, they'll also need to pay for sperm, which seems to be fairly scarce at the moment in the UK, though you can import from abroad. If they don't get lucky quickly, the costs can mount up.

All the best.


----------



## going it alone (Feb 11, 2006)

Thanks for that. They were CPed in the summer and I'm not sure which one of them is hoping to become the birthing mother. I'll be pointing them this way anyway. I know the clinic that I used had a reputation for having good sperm supplies so hopefully if they go along that route it shouldn't be too long a wait.

Thanks again
Sam x


----------



## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

hi going it alone

i just wanted to second everything mintyfaglady said and say that i too read that book, and it definately is a good place to start.

Everything can take a long time to work out the best way to proceed.  We spent a whole year talking it throuhg with a known donor to then decide to go with unknown donor and clinic route.

wishing your friend's daughter and partner lukc, and if they have specific questions im sure they would get lots of great advice here.

aimee


----------



## going it alone (Feb 11, 2006)

Thanks a lot. I'll be printing this out when I get to work tomorrow. 
Sam x


----------



## Mable (Apr 9, 2005)

Also point them in this direction:
http://boards.gingerbeer.co.uk/index.php?board=15.0
There's a section on how to make a baby and one on donor sperm.

I'd also say that their first decision is how they want their family to be ideally. So whether to use a known donor without parental involvement, one with involvement, or an anonymous donor (frozen clinic sperm).

I wish them luck
Mable


----------



## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

The D'arcy Laine Foundation and Lisa Saffron are also excellent sources of info and support and do donor workshop
L X


----------



## going it alone (Feb 11, 2006)

Thank you all for your advice. I've printed it out and given it to my friend.


----------

