# Real friends



## foreverhopeful29 (Jun 12, 2010)

I was just wondering what everybody's experience has been with family and friends. I only have managed to tell about my infertility to 2 friends. One of them is my best mate from Uni( has a 3 yr old gal) and other is my hubby's friend's wife , (who is also in the same boat as us). It has been quite traumatic experience and for me a big lesson in life as to who are ur real friends.Haven't told even my parents or my only sis yet, though I know they will fully understand I still cannot make myself do it coz we don't want them to worry. I wondered if this was something many u guys have been thru. Just looking for some advice...

Luv
T


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## livity k (May 19, 2009)

Hi 
I found I was open with quite a few people and they have been great, I think sometimes giving people more information makes it easier in some ways as they can then ask the right questions and not make uninformed comments, 

Family and friends do worry about you though and I hated the element of people feeling sorry for us when we had BFN's but at the same time it was lovely knowing people were routing for us and cared about and it has been great sharing our BFP with them,

I don't know if it was easier for us to say as my DH is paralysed and I guess its more obvious we might need help- I think sometimes people don't want ot broadcast their fertility probs to the world, 

I saw an interesting post on here where someone was struggling with friends asking them how it was going after they'd been having tx for a while and was finding excuses to avoid people- she saw a counsellor who suggested e-mailing her friends saying she was finding talking about the treatment difficult but that she still wanted to see people and have fun with them, she got a positive response from friends when she did this, I guess again because they weren't in the dark as to  why she was off, 

I have found this kind of openess helpful- for e.g. at the beginning my mum was always suggesting things that might help and I found it really irritating but once I said to her ( in a calm voice) could she leave the advice to the clinic as I trusted them- she has been great,  

good luck with whatever you decide, 

Livity x


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## C0nfused (Apr 13, 2007)

When we first decided that we were going to try for a baby, we knew that we would have to have some sort of tx as my hubby had a vasectomy. I also knew that his friends and family were aware of this, and so I did tell them because (if only I'd have known it wasn't going to be quite so straight forward!) I didn't want to announce that I was pg and to have ppl wonder as DH had a vasectomy, what I'd been up to etc. I know it was silly, but that was my thinking at the time. Funnily enough the only people I had bad reactions from were a couple of these 'friends'. They are no longer 'friends'. 

Since then, I decided to be very open about it with work etc because I needed to take time off for appointments etc and my company are very good and give you special leave for fertility treatment, so I wouldnt need to use my holidays! It also stopped most of the 'do you have children' comments, as most people know. A couple dont seem to grasp the whole thing and ask a zillion completely inappropriate questions! People are very careful on how they break baby news to me. On the whole anyway.

Most of my family know about our situation too. My dad doesn't, but that is for a whole different reason (he can't stand my dh! - and part of that is because 'he knows how upset i'll be if I can't have children' Oh if only he knew I had the problem lol!). 

I don't have many friends tbh, most of my friends are FF friends and people I work with either at my real job or my hobby/business thing. 

Jen x


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