# Scared



## scribbles (Jun 23, 2013)

We've had our ICSI deferred until January, although I can't wait to start it's got me thinking far to much into it and now I'm just plain scared.  I know we haven't even started but just so scared about it.  DH and I have arranged some counselling to help us through it.  I'm thinking up how to keep busy while we're waiting (I even signed up to do a charity skydive to pass the time haha!).  But I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling scared but it's so hard to keep thinking positive.  It's all what ifs and buts, its the fear of failure that is terrifying.

I'm scared of going into meltdown if our cycle fails. I'm scared of failing and not being able to cope.

I'm scared that I will turn into a bitter and angry woman and my husband will be stuck with a woman he can't stand. After my divorce I was an emotional, angry, bitter wreck for years and knowing what I can be like scares the **** out of me.

I'm scared my husband will want to find somebody else who's not going to make him go through all this for a child.

I'm scared I'm going to resent my SS, I don't know how I would cope if SS is the only biological child he has.

Thank God for counselling!! One minute I'm all positive and excited and then I'm in tears! Can anybody relate?


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## star17 (Oct 31, 2012)

Hey.  I have been through one cycle and am now in my second.  The process is not as bad as I thought it would be physically.  It is a roller coaster ride emotionally, but you will be able to get through it, especially if you join a cycle buddy thread on here - amazingly useful and supportive.  This coupled with the counselling should put you in a good place.  So don't worry, you will be absolutely fine.

The wider questions are a little harder!  So personal to you.  However I strongly believe that if you have been through something bad (like divorce) and ended up being someone you don't want to be, it will really help you not to be that person again and will give you the strength for your ivf journey.  Please keep positive (I think it makes a difference). I have faith that you can get through this and hopefully will have your bundle of joy the other end of the journey.

Good luck!


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## JoJo7 (Aug 24, 2013)

Oh scribbles, you're not alone in feeling scared. I'm in a similar position to you and I'm petrified too. But the possibility of a baby at the end of it all and the feelings of hope that treatment brings is what we need to focus on.

I share your worries of not being able to cope if tx isn't successful and also with worrying about feelings of resentment to SS and SD in the same circumstances but I think it's more normal than we realise.

I don't know your relationship with your DH but the fact that he's willing to go through tx speaks volumes for how much he must love you 

One of my big fears is the financial side - we have one shot at ICSI and even that is a stretch, the thought of failed tx and paying back a loan for nothing for years is enough to keep me awake at night - but there's also every chance that its successful and that's what we need to focus on!

Good luck and stay strong - and when you don't feel strong there's lots of support for you out there and on here - we don't have to feel scared on our own 

Big hug
Jojo x


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## M0ncris (Aug 25, 2013)

Dear Scribbles,

I know exactly how you feel as I went through the same thing.  What you are feeling is completely normal and understandable.  In the end my counsellor suggested that I put up post it's round the house reminding myself that I only needed to focus on today and take one day at a time.  It was really helpful as whenever I  started to stress I'd see a post it on my fridge reminding me that I should focus on the now.  I really recommend it even if you do have a laugh about it with people who visit.

Whatever happens, you will cope with it.  It sounds trite but worrying about it makes it worse as it is never as bad as you imagine it will be (in my experience).  The worst thing is the lack of control but you will come out stronger.

If you can, enjoy your time now, build up positive experiences and then you will be in a better position when you start in Jan.  

Good luck and I hope this helps,
M
X


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## scribbles (Jun 23, 2013)

You ladies are amazing, I love the idea of putting post it's up with reminders to take one day at a time! 
DH has been incredible throughout all of this (I feel so responsible for putting him through this). 

Off to bed now to work through another day. Thanks for listening and the amazing advice as always girls x


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## vickster_77 (Oct 18, 2011)

I think being scared of the unknown is only a natural reaction!

As well as M0ncris advice to take it day by day now, my advice would also be to take your treatment one step at a time and try not to focus on the final outcome. It doesn't make a BFN any easier to deal with if the worst happens, but makes the whole process a lot less stressful. Xxx


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm cycling at the minute and I haven't even thought about having a child out of it! I literally do take it one tiny step at a time: each injection is an achievement and deserves a treat. Our embies are cooking nicely at the moment, and I don't worry about what's going to happen, im just thankful that today's phone call was a positive one. That might sound silly, but I can handle this and im so proud and grateful to have gotten so far, and am finding it a positive experience. 

Also, don't get obsessed with vitamins and supplements, if you did everything everyone advises you wouldn't fit it in! Besides, people get so focussed on things like supplements that they stress out if they haven't had their daily dose of wheatgrass. In reality one little thing isn't going to make any difference, a long as you look after yourself in general don't panic.

Counselling is brilliant and I found it invaluable, we didn't do couples counselling, just me, but it's helped us hit as I feel I have someone I can really open up to.

I don't believe in the phrase "relax and it will happen" but I do believe that if you relax it's more likely to happen! 

Xxx


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