# need to talk



## kimberley-s (Mar 19, 2008)

I'm a mum of 4 great kids.
This is how my story started.
i was 17 when i had my son i never planed to have kids so young but my mother left us when i was 6 and Gran brought me up but her love could never replace a mums love.
At 16 i met a guy and had my first child a boy gosh he was hard work and enougth to put me of for life but then i fell pregnant again and had a girl.
My partner if you could call him that did nothing but work and drink and life was hard been on my own most of the time with 2 kids.
I decided to go to work this is where i met my hubby.
We had only been together 1 month and i found myself to be pregnant this time i had a little girl.
Then 18 months later i had a little boy.
This time hubby was great with me and kids.
So we got married 1 month before my no 4 son was born.
In 1999 they gave it out on the news that it was the time to try for a millennium child so we did and hay presto i was pregnant.I knew from day one something was wrong but no one would listen then at 14 weeks we lost our only planed pregnancy.
I went to see my GP who hounded me into getting sterilised
I had not got over the miscarriage when i went to get sterilised i had no counseling for the sterilisation.
I remember the day as it was only yesterday,my hubby took me and all the way there i wanted him to say you don't have to have it done but he didn't.
I then went down and when i came round i remember felling like my heart had been ripped out.
I suffered in silence never told anyone how i was feeling.then 3 years ago i went to my GP a new one,And told her i wanted a reversal she said i couldn't have it on the NHS and would have to pay for it.
I then decided to tell hubby what i had told GP.He said then you will have to save for it.
Hubby's sister passed away a few month latter and left us some money £3000 this is what paid for operation.
That was 2 years in September.
I then came across egg share there was a program on TV i knew i could not afford IVF so this was the only option for us.
I decided i wanted to donate my eggs first to give some one the chance i had been given having children i did this last september.
Then it was my turn some eggs for me and some for the lady who needed them the most.
Well that was last month and i got a BFN.
When i told family i wasn't pregnant i got well you have 4 why do you want another WHY i heard myself thinking Have you gone thought what i have Have you suffered years of silence.
They don't understand yes i love my kids to bits and my hubby but it is now statring to show via my marriage.
I'm sad I'm hurting i just want another child I'm only 34 girls i went to school with are having there first never mind trying for no 6
When i had my kids i was a child crying for love and having kids so young was the only way to get this,But now I'm a woman who wants to love a child as a mother.
My hubby says we cant egg share again and this hurts me so much he says just get on with it we have 4 kids pull yourself together and move on.
The thin is i don't think i can and if we continue this way my marage is going to go out the window.
I'm of to see my GP again tomorrow to see if she will send me for some investigation to see if my tube is re blocked,i don't hold out much hope I'm the NHS funding this but i can only but try.
Well i feel a little bit better getting this all out and iv now had a good cry.thanks for reading love Kimberley


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## bubblicous (Jan 14, 2008)

hi there kimberley

i really dont know what to say with regards to the nhs fundng your tubes being investiaged but i just wanted to give you a       

it doesnt matter how many kids you have if you the longing for another one

i have 2 dd age 5 and 4 and ive been ttc no3 for 4 years id give anything for that precious baby and like you i get alot of why dont you just be grateful for what you have
the only thing diff is both my girls are from a previous relationship so my dh has no bio kids and for this reason i think some people are a bit more understanding but some still arent

i have my fingers crossed for you and i really hope you get the baby you so long for

why does you dh not want you to egg share again


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## angel83 (Mar 14, 2005)

Hi Kimberley

Im so sorry for what you are going through.

I cannot believe your doctor talked you into that.

I have 1 DS after 2 years or more TTC. I have Been trying since he was born for baby no2.

No one can take away that longing to have another child. Once its there its there. I totaly repect you loning for another. And im pretty sure that i will feel like this for the rest of my life.

Be strong and whats meant to be will be - I completely believe in this.


Angel83


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## kimberley-s (Mar 19, 2008)

Thank you both for your replies  .
I'm a lot better today been to see GP and she is sending me back via NHS to the private hospital where i had my reversal for them to look into if my tubes have re blocked and for them to unblock them so i now feel on top of the world again.
Hubby doesn't want to egg share any more due to us having to travel to Sheffield every other day and having to get someone to have kids at 7am in the morning.
Will let you know how i get on love Kimberley xx


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## bubblicous (Jan 14, 2008)

thats great news babes fingers crossed that they can unblock you and help things out


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## wouldbegreat (Sep 25, 2007)

Hi Kimberley 
Glad you have got a referral hope all goes well   I totally understand the wanting to be a mother now you are a women we are about the same age   I had a reversal 2 months ago and i   it works .I see one of your tubes is not great but you only need one honey so lets hope all can be done for you too get a bfp soon   Good luck  

                            Wouldbegreat


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## kimberley-s (Mar 19, 2008)

We have now decided to egg share agin after our holiday.
We have found out the lady who i shared my eggs with has a BFP,so now at least i know my eggs can produce a pregnancy.
I was realy pleased to find this out,it means all the treatment i have had was worth it all. kim


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## wouldbegreat (Sep 25, 2007)

Ah kim thats great all the best to you on your journey i hope you get your bfp soon honey


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