# too scared to go through another 2ww



## Vissa (May 9, 2011)

Hi ladies

I had my first unsuccessful IVF in September last year. It all went well in terms of response, number of eggs etc and looked very positive. I began my first ever 2ww not knowing what to expect but feeling happy that I had made it that far. 

The first week was ok but at the start of the second week I thought I had entered hell ... It was the worst week of my life, not knowing what was happening, if the embryo's had stuck, if the cyclogest, my imagination or a real baby was giving me symptoms. I felt a nervous wreck,   couldn't sleep or relax not knowing what was going on inside my body. I was up and down like a yo yo, at times feeling positive and at others, totally opposite. I started bleeding 3 days before OTD and just knew it was over  . In some ways,  I was glad there was closure on it because I knew there was nothing I could do to change the result - it was what it was and I just had to get on with my life. There is no way that DH and I can conceive naturally as he is missing his vas so I know that if we want our own biological child we HAVE to have IVF.

Having said that, I am really scared to go through those 2ww feelings again. I am realistic and know that IVF is indeed a lottery and there are no guarantees, regardless of the cause of infertility, your age, or anything else for that matter. Part of me just wants to cycle right now and the other wants to put it off because I am scared of those horrible 2ww feelings.  Is it normal to go through this? How do people cope with numerous failed cycles? Does it get easier or harder with repeated cycles? 

Thanks xxx


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## vixter_1 (May 30, 2011)

Hi Vissa

I had 3 x failed transfer (of 5 embies) and got my BFP on the 4th.  I remember the first BFN so well as I really thought it was a sure thing.  The good news is that for the second one I was a little bit stronger, a bit more detached from it all and not as devasted when I got the BFN.  The same followed for the next BFN.  In fact I was totally and utterly blown away when I got my BFP (and still am).  I know some people say it got harder with each failed cycle but for me it actually got easier as I learnt to detach a bit more. You will see my signature that I cycled back to back, this helped me feel in control and like the next step was in place after such heart-break but I do know what some people need room to grieve and hope you come to work out what is best for you.  Do you have any embies on ice or will you do fresh again?  

I hope you find the strength you need to heal and make your decisions

V X


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## tan26 (May 27, 2011)

wow vissa your story so like mine we had failed first cycle end sept i bled 6 days early.i am hoping to start again feb as egg sharing we had a very good cycle had over 20 eggs but my embryos were bad quality so i knew it wouldnt work.i was very sore after ec and et for days after but i wouldnt take any paracetamol incase it harmed the embryos. i didnt hav much time off work and didnt take it easy.nxt time i will take paracetamol for the pain, take more time off get my bf to do shoppin and also wil take it easy.i also made the mistake of telling family and friends who kept bringing it up,nxt time were keeping quiet lol
after the bfn i was desperate to start again quickly but my clinic said no which i am glad of now as it has gave me time to heal.im also going to try acupunture heard its good for stress.we will get through the 2ww as we know at the end of it our dreams will come true and if they dont we will try again.x 
and congrats vixter u give us hope.x


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## Vissa (May 9, 2011)

Thanks for your replies Tan and Vixter. 

Tan - so sorry to hear about your failed cycle. I took the 2ww off work and I think that was a mistake as it gave me too much time to obsess and stress. For my next cycle, I will go back to work the day after transfer. We did not tell anyone about our treatment and I am so glad because I cannot imagine what it must be like telling everyone it did not work. I know people mean well but it must be even more stressful when people keep asking. I'm also thinking about accupuncture, I hope it does make me relax more!   I know we all go through this because we have no choice but I really hope and pray you get your BFP   What clinic are you with?

Vixter - wow, congratulations! What a lovely ending. Sorry you had to go through 4 cycles but so happy for you that it worked. Your strategy of detaching seems like a good one. I was pretty calm and detached during stims and only started really stressing after ET. I just need to keep that detachment going for a little longer   .... We have 2 frozen embryos from that cycle and I want to leave them in the freezer. My logic is that I want to get as many fresh treatments out of the way while I am producing decent eggs. If in a few years I still haven't got a BFP, we can use our frozen (and younger) embryos!! 

I am feeling a little better already .... I know I have to be strong and just deal with it. Thank you xxx


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## vixter_1 (May 30, 2011)

You are really lucky you can go on to a fresh cycle again - I live in Belgium and you are not allowed to create more without using up the stock pile.

I can tell by the way you sound that you seem much better already.  Well-done!  Proud of you, I know its not easy.  Oh and by the way, when you get your BFP (which I know you will)  that dreaded waiting and anxious feeling doesn't stop.  I am waiting for results on third beta, then it will be 6 week scan next week. . . .its never-ending and I don't think we will ever rest til we have a baby in our arms.


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## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)

Why not start chatting on the BFN thread
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=278545.0


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