# Insensitive comments



## joanne3 (May 7, 2005)

Hi,

In the space of a day, 2 friends and a work colleague have just announced their pregnancies.  I really thought I was getting stronger about this, but it only takes a flippant comment and I get so upset again.  One of my friends who announced her pregnancy already has 2 children and told me that this preganancy was a total surprise and they weren't even trying.  So, I asked if their contraception had not worked and she said "Oh, well, I wasn't on the pill or taking any precautions".  Aghhhh!!  Then why say you weren't trying, you obviously were!!!  Sorry, this really annoys me, it's as though some women like to boast about "how fertile" they must be!  I find it really hurtful.

xx


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## nbr1968 (Feb 25, 2008)

Dear Joanne3

I can totally relate to what you say - I actually had a "friend" (I no longer consider her a friend) - who used to tell me that her DH would only have to look at her and she got pg! Another who told me that after she had two children (with her DP who had two children from a previous relationship) she ws going to get him a vasectomy because she was just so fertile! All this from a woman who refused to work and so did her DP because "that's what benefits are for"! Made me so far because my poor DH works really long hours just so we can keep having TXs!

People who have not been through the heartache of IF have no idea what we got through - there are those that think that IVF is a "cure" for IF and that it always works! And those that tell us that if we cannot get pg then "maybe it is not meant to be! and we should consider adoption (as if that too is easy -peasy!).

Just ignore these ignorant people - and try and be kind to yuorself - you have been through so much to try and become parents and remember that FF is always here for you to vent.

Nbr68xxx


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## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

I was on the train yesterday on my way back from a review appointment after my recent miscarriage and there was a bunch of kids messing about being annoying.

The conversation got onto their sexual behaviour and one of the lads "had one on the way"
He did not want it, ex girlfriend didn't want it, ex girlfriend's mother didn't want it. So they casually discussed killing it. I wanted to smack them or cry and scream.


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## jofi (Apr 7, 2006)

joanne3 said:


> So, I asked if their contraception had not worked and she said "Oh, well, I wasn't on the pill or taking any precautions". Aghhhh!! Then why say you weren't trying, you obviously were!!! Sorry, this really annoys me, it's as though some women like to boast about "how fertile" they must be! I find it really hurtful.


exactly, it's as though people want to make light of it or something. Why can't people just say they wanted a baby they got pregnant and they are delighted. So many times I hear people expressing surprise, or worse pretending they don't know what they will do now and then it always emerges at some point that that surprise pregnancy wasn't the result of a contraception disaster but of having bms !!!!! what did they think would happen


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## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

I had a mmc about 6 weeks ago and my brother and his girl friend started trying to conceive at the exact same time (tad insensitive but maybe its just me who feels that way!) anyway my brother called me yesterday to say his GF was pregnant etc etc etc and waffled on for 10 mins when I was thinking why dont you put this phone down so I can cry  is GF txt me last night to say she was really surprised to be pregnant   People who have never had problems just dont get it do they? 
xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## DippyGirl (Mar 10, 2005)

My brother suggested 'helpfully' that if I found IF stressful then it was probably just as well that I hadn't had children cos that (apparently) is really   stressful.


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## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

Dippygirl- Grrrrr  at your brother and a   for you xx


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## bekadoo (Jan 1, 2010)

yep a friend of mine said if you and your fella are finding IF stressfull and it's effecting your relationship imagine what a baby is going to do - ( from someone who really didn't want kids but has one) i really do imagine what having a baby would do for our relationship every day funnily enough   and it wouldn't be a bad thing you idiot


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

I know I shouldn't laugh, bekadoo, but really what else can you do!  That's so insensitive it's breathtaking

Jx


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