# AAAAAAAAARG!



## Griselda (Jan 24, 2006)

.... oh okay maybe a bit of an exageration    (as I have - perhaps quite understandably  - had a few glasses of wine now  )

_*BUT ... * _ 

I stopped to give one half of our new (young) neighbours a lift home this evening only to be informed that they are pregnant.   

Why is the world pregnant ?? ?? ??   

Can I just say (albeit as a bit of an interloper here because you all seem to know each other so well ) that I think you ladies on this board are all so incredibly kind.  And that it does seem, so painfully, to me that everyone has children so easily and they don't truly appreciate the precious gift they have been given. And why are we all so kind and lovely and life has chosen to give us this pain? It hurts so badly sometimes hey?

Thank you all so much. You are lovely and you give me hope that I'm not a bad person and that we are all struggling with the same things and that I'm not alone.

Thanks lovely ladies.



P.S. (I might delete this later when I've sobered up and am feeling suitably embarassed!


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## sandnotoil (Sep 14, 2007)

I know how you feel, and it makes me mad sometimes too.

Last week a friend of mine has taken in her daughters 4 children (from 3 different blokes). Her daughter is a drug addict and causes lots of aggro and she can pop them out like peas, so why can't I?

It just isn't fair, so I will join you in an

AAAARGH!!


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Griselda/Sandnotoil I want to join in too     

 

Cat x


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Griselda!

Yes it's hard isn't it when everyone else seems to be having babies?

"Interlope" as much as you like! I guess the regulars have got to know one another well because we kept interloping! Some people dip in and out if they are thinking of moving on but are still having a final go at TX. I hope we regulars make people in that situation welcome while wishing that their last attempts will work out so they don't come back! I guess that some people who don't get lucky never post here, and some do for a while and then don't feel a need to keep coming. All in all that makes this a small board where it is easy to get to know everyone.

Actually I thought you were one of the lovely regulars yourself!

You ask why we are all so kind (that includes you!) when life has been so disappointing? I have a belief (it's late and I have drunk my wine!) that we have a mothering spirit and if we don't get to have a baby we need to fullfill that elsewhere. And where better than here where we understand and can support one another?

Love Jq xxx


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Hi there ladies. Excellent, a community ARRRRGGG.

Yes, it's in irritating aspect of life, the rest of the world being pregnant is it not?  

I'd like to echo JQ's words Gris. You're not an interloper. If you're an interloper, we all are in our own way.  

So, I'd like to second (or third, fourth, fith) a heart felt ARRRRGGGG!

flipper


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

jq said:


> that we have a mothering spirit and if we don't get to have a baby we need to fullfill that elsewhere. And where better than here where we understand and can support one another?
> 
> Love Jq xxx


What a very beautiful idea xxxxx I loved that


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## Griselda (Jan 24, 2006)

Hey guys

Thanks for the group aarg!  

Well today I can do nothing but cry.    Do you have days like that?  I suppose it's not terribly healthy to be feeling so sorry for oneself eh?  Terribly self indulgent?  Do you think?

Noone understands do they?  So pleased there is this board.  Helps to not feel so alone.  You just get the same old lines from other people.  Pull yourself together.  Etc.  And I don't really want to wish myself on other people at times like this.  My poor long suffering friends have done enough already.

I'm having one of those feeling sorry for myself days.  When all I can see is my body disintegrating with nothing to look forward to.    

Ah well.  Thanks for being in the same boat ladies.


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Griselda ..If you feel like a good cry hunny then that is all that matters stuff what anyone else thinks ..who cares if it is self indulgent it is what you need and can be very healing, we are not robots and I think a good cry is a good way of letting emotions out which kept inside will just make you stressed and ill .. what you need is supportive people to give you a big hug and say its ok to be you ..and whatever you need is the right thing for you   

I have cried more since doing fertility treatment than I ever have in my life because it means so much to me, I put so much of myself into it and when it doesn't work it hurts more than anything, it makes me question who I am and what I want out of life .. it makes me question my beliefs.. it has lost me friends ..and it has also introduced me to some of the most amazing women ever who have left me truly humbled by their strength and their kindness, through immense pain and heartache, but the biggest thing I have learnt is that we deserve time when things become too much to take stock, cry, yell, argh .. as much as we need in order to keep sane in order to keep plodding on to what life throws at us next   so you take all the time you need hunny   if you need to withdraw from every day life for a while then do so, do not let anyone judge you and do what you need to heal your wounds until you are ready to kick ass again  

Cat x


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Gris I'm sorry you're feeling so low at the moment.  For what it's worth I think that crying is far from self indulgent, it is a part of the healing process, a part that I denied for too long.  

The "feel sorry for yourself days" are dreadfully awful but, in my experience, do ease with time. Your body isn't distintregrating (take the word of a 42 year old!) and I do believe  you will find stuff to look forward to. Eventually.

Hang in there Gris. 

flipper


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

My counsellor made me see crying in a totally different light, when she asked me what I would think of someone who didn't cry because they couldn't have children - made me realise that there is nothing to be ashamed about crying about something that matters and indeed if you hide these emotions completely you may come across as a very cold and unsympathetic type of person ... obviously there's a balance to be struck here, but I'm all for crying!!!

Jx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Griselda and everyone,

I have been on a wet holiday in Wales, so am a bit late following this up!

Griselda, how are you doing ? I hope you feel better about needing to cry and feel a bit bettter for having done so.

Love Jq xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Griselda - you are very welcome here. And your are VERY HEALTHY to be crying. I have had many days when all I could do was mope around and cry. Pol put it very well - we need to cry to let out all the pain we are feeling inside. (I've been away on holiday too - so I'm a bit late in responding to this. I hope you're doing a bit better. Please post here as often as you need - even for a rant! We love rants! ;-)
Bernie xxx


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## bell (May 17, 2005)

Hi ladies

Hope you are all doing well and trying to keep smiling, well l have to do a  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG as today l have now had five old friends all individually tell me that they have had a baby OMG FIVE they text me from out of the blue with there exciting news, 3 girls and 2 boys all natural, they have even told me 2-3 hrs of the birth there weight and there new babies names, l am trying to understand there happiness but and a big BUT is that none of these friends have bothered with me when i was going though the IVF and all my M/C have not heard from them at all sorry a lie one of them but what do they expect from me,l am so angry as l feel that they have put the knife in twice and l have been doing soooooooooo well with them out of my life and just moving on and making new friends that are child free for one reason all another. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG so upset feel really CRAP, sorry ladies just needed to vent my anger alittle as no one seems to understand, they make me feel that l am just been nasty and not trying to be happy for them, WHY ARE WE MADE TO FEEL LIKE THIS? always keep the lucky ones happy as we could upset them OMG SCREAM ,

All done ladies stay positive if you can

Bell


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Hunny


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Bell,

You are doing brilliantly! It is great that you are making new friends. Stick with the people who show you some consideration and understanding. Anyone who knows your history and has not supported you through the bad times and now still lumps you in with a circular text or email about their good news is not thinking about your feelings and so does not count as a true friend. True friends act with a bit more sensitivity. By all means wish them well, but you don't have to worry about meeting their expectactions or rely on them as lifelong friends - you have better friends who care about your feelings.

Lots of love to you,

Jq xxx


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Hi there Bell

I'd like to throw my hat into the ring and say well done on making new friends (we too are discovering that there's a lot to be said for collecting new, childless chums).

We've recently had an aarrrgggh experience with a cousin, who (knowing what we've been through) calls us out of the blue for the first time in 20 years to announce their daughter is pregnant, they're going to be grandparents. Puzzled, we pass on warm congrats assuming it'll be another 20 years before they contact us again.  Oh no.

Auntie calls us on day of birth of new , overjoyed.  We pass on warm congrats. A different cousin calls a couple of days after that, overjoyed. We pass on warm congrats (this is now starting to wear pretty thin as the proud  parents/grandparents never bother with Christmas cards, ignore invitations to family parties, don't return phone calls etc.)

Then we get yet another call from yet another cousin who we haven't had contact with for more than a decade making sure we'd heard the news. YES!!  ALRIGHT, WE KNOW!!  Babies get born every day for goodness sake.

Now we've been invited to a party to wet the babies head. Just close family you understand, not the Christening (which will make the last Royal Christening look like it was thrown together in 10 minutes at Windsor Community Hall.)  

We've declined the party invite, devoutly hope to be busy for the Christening, and whilst sincerely wishing them well, hope never to hear from the lot of them for another 20 years!

AARRRGGGHHHH.  Rant over.

flipper


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## bell (May 17, 2005)

Hi JQ/Flipper

Thank you for your lovely messages, l am sorry for my outburst but l think it was building up from been told of the first one then the second and l just needed to vent my anger, but l totally agree that meeting new people and not having to explain the ins and outs of not having children is great because to be honest and i mean no offence to anyone with children but they always make me feel like we have decided to not have children like picking a lifestyle, so you feel you need to explain why we cant have them which then brings up the past and we both get upset, so we made a decision that why should l have to explain why we cant have children its none of there business l don't ask them why they have children and ask personal questions about there life, it makes me feel uncomfortable and we said no more and walked away, Our new friends are great they ask we told no we don't have children and thats that and we move on and have nice meals and parties and have fun,

So now we look at it that l don't have to explain anything to anyone you either accept us for  who we are or walk away.

Family i would say are the worst for me, My family have not been around for me at all since l started IVF they never rang nothing l would think oh they don't no how to approach me and l would make excuses for them so i would ring them all the time to keep them updated and the progress report this was the very first IVF l had to try and help them understand, they did not care at all l was pushed to one side they never rang me nothing, then we got a positive and they suddenly came running and ringing to see how we was and then l M/C l got one sentence from my mother which was ( oh well l have other grandchildren don't worry about always new l would not get any from you goodbye ) did not hear from her or other family members again no support nothing then we got another positive and again everyone got involved but no sorry for the last year and how was we feeling nothing but your happy and you don't look at the bigger picture but unfortunately we M?C and this was our last try and guess what heard nothing not a word of support come and give me a cuddle nothing,it has been two years now and l have not heard from my family i don't exist anymore but l did go to a funeral and my sister and mother was there but they did not recognise me at all thought i was a stranger standing next to my sister my heart was broken all over again, l think that families and friends would rather walk across the road from you rather than talk about it l think people don't understand and that to me is fine but when it comes to family not even trying to understand breaks my heart, but its like they say ( you don't pick your family ). l don't no about you but l feel the hardest part of IVF is dealing with ignorance, Sorry l am venting my anger but l will stay positive and you are both right.

flipper you dealt with them really well you was polite and thats the best way,l think they got so excited that they don't think about you but it would be nice that after there excitement is over that they take one minute to think about your feelings. l agree flipper l hope it takes 20years for my family to return my call.

take care ladies l have gone off on one sorry

Bell xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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