# ANYONE ON ANTI DEPRESSANTS???



## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Hey,

I spoke to my doctor yesterday and he has advised that I stick with the fluroxetine for another week, then see how I feel. Currently they are causing me insomnia and severe anxiety, but I've been told they are early side effects and that you will feel worse before you feel better!

I've been off work for six months and had six months of counselling, but still don't feel any better. Although I think I feel worse now because I have to go back to work which is very daunting. Also I haven't told the company about my treatment which is another added pressure and haven't seen any of my friends for months because they all have babies :-(

The only major side effect i'm worried about is hair loss as when my sister died in 2009 I took fluroxetine and my hair got really bad, the doctor believes this was just down to the trauma of it all.

I have been taking them for only 5 days now which is why i'm feeling worse :-(

Anyone else been prescribed Anti Depressants

x


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

I'd really appreciate it if anyone could share their experiences...

I feel so guilty taking the anti depressants, as I know they are an area of controversy, but I really feel like I need them.

I am on 20mg of fluroxetine, which i have been told is the safest as its been around a very long time....


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Also... my doctor has given me tetracycline anti biotics for my acne which I know aren't safe in pregnancy. However, he said they will be fine to take until I start my next treatment privately, which will be in 5/6 weeks.

Is anyone else on anything similar??

I am desperately worried which defeats the object of taking the chill pills!!


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## chabelovsky (Jan 4, 2013)

Hi Tinky27,

Sorry to hear that you are gonig through such a hard time. 

Yes, I'm on anti depressants and have been on-and-off for years. Made the decision last year to just stay on them for good. I tried to give up as I was trying to get pregnant and I thought it wasn't good for an unborn child. But turned out being off them and depressed was going to reduce the chances of any pregnancy as I just went off everything... I was very torn about going back on them, but really glad I did. I am on 20mg Citalopram. Tried Fluoxetine (on doctor's suggestion due to safety for pregnancy), but it didn't do anything for me and Citalopram had worked very well for me before so went back to that after 3 months. Back to my old (medicated) self now. Which is equivalent to a non-depresive normal. I still get down and still get up and I am not a drugged up numb zombie - far from it. But I have the oomph that I need to get up and live which the depression just saps.

And I've been in counselling for years too. Still need some chemical help in there. After lots of counselling I feel much less guilty and ashamed and anxious about taking the pills.

But that is me, not you and everyone is different. I will say that one of my best friends has been on citalopram for years and had her two boys while still on it. Her boys are not freaks (although she may say differently at times!)

Are you worried about the pills as you are trying to conceive? If you are prone to depression and anxiety AND going through ivf then please dont beat yourself up over taking pills too. Some people are very dismissive of the chill pills as an easy fix, and I hope you haven't been exposed to that as it's just another thing to get anxious over or to feel guilty and ashamed about. But once the depression lifts you will feel more secure about taking them and see the benefits. Or if you decide to stop and try something else then that is fine too.

sending lots of hugs    and 

kate
x


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## Finky1983 (May 13, 2012)

Hi tinky,

I am really don't know much about anti depressants, so I am sorry I can't help about that. However I have suffered from acne and I would stay well away from the anti bi's your doctor has given you, I was given some 6months before treatment and was told not to take them by a fertilty doctor, so I went to see a herbalist and went on a candida diet and after suffering with acne for 11 years I am now clear skinned. I would highly recommend it. Good luck Hun xxx


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Hi Girls,

Chabelovsky,

Thank you for your reply.

I'm so relieved to know i'm not the only person to be on anti depressants. 

I've been off work for six months and also had six months of counselling, so its come to the point where I have to accept that I need extra help. My mood and anxiety is sooo bad that I actually think the stress could affect our chances of becoming pregnant, I guess you have to way up the lesser of two evils.
Did you suffer from any hair loss whilst on the fluroxetine? I have been taking it for five days and not had a great experience so far, my symptoms include head aches, insomnia and severe anxiety, but I've been told these are all really common in the first two weeks. I do remember when my sister passed away in 2009 that I had the same symptoms then. 

I've heard Citilopram is better for anxiety, is that right? Originally I was recommended those, but then another doctor advised against it due to trying to concieve.

I am worried about hair loss, as that is something I am prone to with stress and medication, but the doctor is convinced when I suffered it after my sister died, that it was actually due to the trauma rather than the fluroxetine. He said hair loss with fluroxetine is rare?

I've had 4 cycles of Ovulation Induction on the NHS, but dont qualify for IVF as im 28. We have an appointment with the consultant on the 10th April, but I am also having a consultation at a private clinic on the 12th April to discuss our options. 

IUI has been recommended to us, as I did conceive on the first cycle of OInd, but sadly miscarried at 4 weeks.

However, we feel like we just want IVF now as the success rates are much greater.

Finky - I just feel guilty taking any medication, but I've suffered with depression and anxiety for so long now that I need it. Roaccutane was recommended to me for my cystic acne a over a year ago, but I put that on hold for the fertility and now I have lots of scarring on my cheeks which has ruined my confidence and also added to my misery!!

Finally a doctor said there is no harm in taking the anti biotics until my next treatment, but I have phoned the private clinic today to get that confirmed, so they should be giving me a call tomorrow. 

Its such bad timing as i'm due back at work very soon, but dont feel any stronger and now I've just started the meds im now suffering with the side effects also!!

What us women have to go through... :-(

xxx


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Finky what type of acne did you have and was it severe?

what is the candida diet?

x


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## yogabunny (Sep 12, 2012)

just to say tinky that i took some massive antibiotics for something else the month before this cycle, with approval from the fertility clinic
they had the great side effect of clearing up my skin, which used to be clear but for about 10 years i have had persistent spots, must have had a low lying infection, as every other thing i have done including detoxes, colonics and diet and exercise has helped but never totally got rid of it. 
i feel confident again and that will help you to be happy. 
let's hope your clinic say the same, as unless they have a problem, i would go with your docs advice on those. xxx


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Hi YogaBunny,

Can you remember what anti biotics you were on?

This cystic acne & scars has ruined my confidence. I'm just not the same person anymore. I used to be so confident & happy.

Im taking Tetracycline, but im yet to find out if the clinic are happy about it. However, I wont be starting treatment for a few weeks yet, poss 5 or 6.

xx


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## yogabunny (Sep 12, 2012)

Doxycycline and azithromycin - I should think it was the doxy that cleared my skin.

I am sure the clinic will be ok about it, I hope it works for you   xx


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

My cousin is on those anti biotics and her skin has cleared up also! I wonder why they haven't prescribed those ones for me?? Did the clinic say those ones were safe for you to take whilst on treatment, or just before?

xx


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## yogabunny (Sep 12, 2012)

only before. not during x


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Tinky27


I think you have to be fair to yourself, you have been off work for 6 months, thats no light depression.  There is totally and utterly a time and place for using anti d, and sxd what the rest of the world think!


I have been on them twice, carnt remember the name but know there was a lot of controversy about them and they were banned in America as several people committed suicide on them   .  But i really needed them, my Dad had just died in a horrid car crash and i had struggled on for months, even possibly a year and then suddenly it all became too much and tbh i felt suicidal myself.  Yes i could have had council ling but tbh i needed something that was going to take the edge of how horrendous i felt and quickly!  Ironically when i did go and see a councillor, he know my Dad   .


It took me a long time to move forward from feeling so low and there was some thought that i may struggle for the rest of my life.  But i have to say i havnt   .  Yes i have had some major blue times but only once since have i had to go back on them.  I kind of oddly feel very greatful for feeling so depressed as i recognise the signs of me going down hill way way before it gets to a serious level.  


Can i be honest and say im a bit conserned that your about to start treatment in 5-6 weeks, you really have to be on top of your mental health and you have no idea how its all going to go.  If your treatment doesnt work this will only compound how you feel and if it works then believe me (im lucky enough to be 40 weeks pg) then its very tough mentally, very, your just given a new set of worries.  xxxxxxxxxx


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Hi Coweyes,

Thank you for your reply.

To be honest my mum is concerned how'd I'd be if the miracle happened, but I can't think about that because it seems too far away! I really don't want to put the treatment on hold any longer, especially since we've given up so much to do this treatment. I've longed to be a mummy since the age of 17, but obviously I had to wait until I was ready and in the right relationship!!

This means everything to us and im just not prepared to wait. The fertility is making me depressed, along with other things, so delaying it really wont make a difference except pro longing our pain. 

I would love to have the roaccutane treatment for my skin, which I know would make me feel a million times better, but that would mean giving up our dream for another 8 months, plus roaccutane is a very controversial drug and since there is a history of depression in our family I'm hoping I'll fall pregnant and it will sort itself out naturally! Also the dermatologist said if i do the roaccuatane and then start fertility treatment again, the cystic acne may well flare up again anyway, its a loose loose situation!!


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

I totally understand the pain you felt. My sister passed away in 2009, she was 27. I've suffered with depression on and off since then. Its so hard. There are no words to describe it are there.


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Congratulations on your pregnancy by the way, you are very blessed x


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Tiny
Yes i am thank you   .  But its taken 6 years and 4 rounds of treatment, so treatment was certainly not a quick answer, hence for why i was conserned about your pending treatment.  But altermatly you have to do what you feel is right, but i would just hate it if you finally got your longed for pregnancy and baby only to really struggle as you weren't in the best frame of mind to start with.  Having ivf is very stressful but so is being pregnant, we all like to think that we are going to get pregnant after treatment and its going to be a dream come true.  Well yes it is in some sences but the other side of it is that frankly its pretty scary and your so full of emotions.  Good luck with everything xxx


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## seemedlike4eva (Jan 26, 2010)

I've been on fluoxetine for 13 years. Initially I was put on it for reactive depression, but found that it cured my severe PMT, so I stayed on it!
It works for me, there's been a couple of bouts of severe depression, when life has been super tough, but a short-term increased dose sorted it out.
It's a tough thing to deal with, when the IF makes the whole vicious circle worse x


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Hi seemslike4eva,

Are you still on the fluroxetine now? How long did it take to make you feel better?

I've only been taking it for 6 days, but am suffering with insomnia (although i been taking sleeping tablets) and back ache?

Has your doctor told you its safe to take in pregnancy??

Did you suffer any hair loss whilst on it?

xx


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Hi Coweyes,

6 years, wow thats a very long stretch!!!

Did you have 4 IVF treatments? What was your problem if you dont mind me asking?

xx


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Yes basically from the minute i got married, which is 7 years in September.


Its a very long story.  But basically we started of needing treatment in our mid 20s due to low sperm count, i then had an ectopic pregnancy and lost a tube.  Much much later on after having 2 x icsi and one nat fet (one resulting in a early miscarriage  it was found out that i also have a genetic condition , so we both have fertility issues and i also have a genetic one.  I have a problem with my chromazones which means that as well as needing icsi we also needed pgd,


So in total we had
2 x icsi
1 x nat fet
1 x icsi pgd = bfp.




This is why i say be careful before with your health because when you start having treatment there is no going back! you get very sucked into "it may work next time".  The clinics can be a bit naughty and encourage you to continue saying your success rate is high.  Yes it may well be but there is so much other stuff to consider.  You kind of enter into a different life style and your life goes on hold. xx


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Wow you've had a really long journey... i'm so pleased your dream has finally becoming a reality  

May I ask how old you are now? What is nat fet and pgd? Sorry, I haven't a great deal of knowledge about IVF yet...

We are yet to discover our next path. One consultant has suggested IUI, but to be honest I'd rather have a much higher chance and just go for IVF. 

Our problem that we know of is my PCOS. I don't ovulate without treatment and I also have extremely low progesterone levels, which is probably why I miscarried on the first cycle.

xx


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

http://www.londonwomensclinic.com/index.php/london/p/frozen_embryo_transfer_fet?gclid=CNqF9Kv5-bUCFczHtAodwR4AJQ

http://www.thebridgecentre.co.uk/fertility_treatments/preimplantation_genetic_diagnosis?gclid=CLvC17v5-bUCFcHHtAodzCIAKQ

Tinky here is some info regarding pgd and nat fet.

As for age its my birthday today (and my due date) and i am 34  .

iui was never an option for us so i dont know much about it. x


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

Hello Ladies - Just thought I'd add my two pennies worth  

I have had depression on and off since childhood (lucky me   ) majority of this has been unmedicated with me mainly managing to use coping stratergies, support from friends/family or yoyoing on and off tablets in my youth during the worst blips.. 

I have now been on the path towards treatment for over 7 years , and in treatment starting with IUI and two follow up cycles of ICSI plus immune testing since Aug 2011. During all of my treatment to this point I had been very lucky in that with support from my husband (who is my soul mate) and the AMAZING support here I was able to battle through without medication. 
This Christmas however despite me wanting socks, or maybe some nice perfume, instead my head decided to make my christmas gift a blinder... yes a full on tantrum throwing, no light at the end of the tunnel sod christmas and give me the whole gateaux breakdown. 
I'm making light of it because now, 12 weeks after the event and after counceling and medication I can see the humour but at the time it was terrible.

I am now about 12 weeks off my next tx cycle (I wanted six months to rejuvinate and heal, some would next longer or would want less but for me it felt a good balance).
I WILL however be changing medication for tx, dropping one of the two, and reducing the dose (continued health permitting)of the other.
I spoke at great length with the Consultant I am under for depression about the pros and cons and risks of medications through pregnancy and feel I am making an informed decision. 
In an ideal world of course I would rather be medication free, but I have been with previous cycles and this hasn't changed the outcome.

My advice would be to do your research, talk with the experts and MOST importantly do what is right for YOU.

Big Bubbly Hugs 
xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

hi Tinky, sorry to hear you're having a tough time   and to all others on here struggling   

I have also suffered depression on and off for many years, and tried many different anti-d's but mainly managing to cope, hold down a job etc but after starting tx and finding out about immune issues, a chromosome problem and miscarrying my first DE attempt i was in a really bad way. i sought help through my gp to get counselling and went back on anti d's. this time i was on citalopram but in the past i have been on venlafaxine, fluoxetine and amytriptiline (can't remember spelling).  then when i got a bfp i weaned myself off them as i was worried but i lost a twin and hit another low point so went  back on them and stayed on them throughout pregnancy. then once little one was born i switched to sertraline as they are supposed to be safer whilst breastfeeding. don't feel bad about taking them, if they help me i'll take them for the rest of my life if necessary but i do also think counselling is very important. are you still seeing a counsellor? 6 months counselling isn't much in the grand scheme of things and if there is any more available to you i would keep going with it. i think the best person to advise on anti depressants is really a psychiatrist as they are the experts on them and which are the best to take in different circumstances. there was a shrink who did a joint clinic with my obs during my pregnancy to advise us on what we were taking. i'm not sure fertility doctors will necessarily know much about them and their interactions. and you have to weigh up the pros and cons of staying sane yourself vs the risk of taking something but if we can't cope we're no use to anyone so we have to make our own mental health a priority.

pgd stands for pre-implantation genetic diagnosis, basically the embryos are screened for the genetic disorder before being replaced. i would have needed this but couldn't afford it so switched to donor embryos. nat fet is natural frozen embryo transfer which i presume means a frozen embryo transfer without taking any medication. 

GGx

edited to add: i think most anti d's have a couple of weeks where you get the worst side-effects and then they should wear off but you need to be on any anti d for several weeks to know if they work for you, so hang in there.


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## seemedlike4eva (Jan 26, 2010)

Hi Tinky,
I'm still on them, I've been told it's safe to stay on them, too. I think I felt better after a couple of weeks, and noticed the improved PMT after a couple of stress free months. I was really lucky regarding side effects, just lost a bit of weight, that was all.
Still haven't achieved the magic BFP, but I'm sure that is nothing to do with the antiD's, fertility treatment is such a lottery, my numbers just haven't popped up yet...


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Hi girls,

Thank you so much for replying x

My biggest fear is the hair loss, as I know this is linked with fluroxetine.

In 2009 my sister passed away and at the same time I had to have an operation, so the doctor believes the hair loss to be down to the trauma and not the fluroxetine itself, however, I'm not convinced and now worried this drug might make it worse, but I guess I wont find out unless I stick with them! 

I have severe cystic acne on my cheeks thanks to coming off the pill and my hair is soo thin & brittle that I can literally pluck the new hairs from my scalp. I don't feel that the doctors take this seriously enough as they see it as cosmetic, yet problems with your hair and scalp are generally the first indicator of an internal problem!!  

The doctors all say the same, its probably stress, or due to hormone imbalance and that is another reason why I cant wait to go private. Atleast If we're paying for treatment these doctors i'm hoping will leave no stone unturned.

I know there are better drugs for anxiety like citilopram, but was told fluroxetine is safest in pregnancy.

I've only been on them 6 days, but already feel more anxious and have lost my appetite. This is an issue for me because I only weigh 7.9 as it is.

Its a catch 22. I'm depressed because of my skin, hair and fertility issues, but if I take one thing to help, it seems another is effected :-(

I feel so so low. I look at my friends with their babies and feel nothing but jealousy and bitterness. I always put a brave face on for their benefit, but underneath it breaks my heart seeing them with their babies when I so badly want one of my own.

My maternal instinct is so strong I now feel empty every time I look at a baby :-(

Sorry for the rant...and Ii hope that all makes sense..feeling a bit dopey adjusting to these meds!

xx


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Greatgazza,

I'm having counselling, but my counsellor is leaving in April, which means I will have to be re-referred. That will take months because they have no staff and a waiting list a mile long :-(

xx


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

It's so hard to know what to do for the best.

For the last two years I've declined treatment for my skin so that I could pursue the fertility journey and for the last six months I've not been able to work. I also refused anti depressants until now because I felt I had to do right by the baby that doesn't yet exist.

I keep putting in and not getting anything out. I'm so tired and i've given this all that I can. 

But what choice do we have, we cant give up.


xx


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

Sorry you're feeling so low     I would definitely speak to your GP about finding someone to see for as soon as your counsellor finishes. when i hit my rock bottom i was suicidal and went to my doctor to be urgently referred to the community mental health team, unfortunately, there is no such thing as 'urgent' but i went to my local women's centre and signed up for every course i could find, self esteem, confidence, anger management (altho i don't have anger issues) just to get out and about and have some support. can you ask now to be re-referred rather than waiting until april? if your GP already knows that your counsellor is leaving and you are vulnerable at the moment he should try and speed things up.

i also think you should ask to be referred to a psychiatrist to discuss the drug options. they may decide if anxiety is currently your biggest issue to put you on something better for that and then switch you when you get your bfp. when i switched from citalopram to sertraline i didn't have to wean off one and have a break before starting another so there are some where you can just switch to them the next day. the most important thing right now i think is to feel a bit better *now* so you can face upcoming tx etc

GGx


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Greatgazza, 

That is great advice, thank you x x x


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

I feel like the last two years have put ten on me. I look and feel such a mess :-(


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

try not to worry about that love, there is a way out of this black hole. when you're in it you can't believe there is, but i know from personal experience, there is. sometimes we have to reach a certain point, possibly our 'rock bottom' before we can see a way to claw our way back up. but you are already doing the right things by getting help with the counselling and the meds. i think, sometimes, when we actually ask for help it's the beginning of the recovery. we just can't always cope with these things on our own, however much we feel we should, and asking for help feels like admitting defeat but it's often just that, that can be a turning point. i think it's the people that don't ask for help that are really in trouble   


i never imagined that i would phone the samaritans   and i never imagined telling one of my brothers that i had bought quite a few paracetamol and he was quite direct with me and said 'do you want to die?' and actually i didn't, but at the time i didn't want to keep going if that makes sense. then he said to me 'well you've got three choices, you take the pills and you're dead, you don't take the pills but stay as you are feeling wretched and incredibly unhappy, or you don't take the pills and you decide to take a different path....'  thankfully i took a different path but i won't say it was easy. i had to find ways to get myself out of bed because unfortunately, as i said, there was no such thing as 'urgent' help unless you got admitted to a psyche unit and i don't think spells in there do anyone any good sadly. 

when i did finally get pregnant, as i mentioned before, it wasn't without its own issues - losing the twin - that sent me downhill again and with a history of depression i was terrified of ante natal and post natal depression so made sure i put as much in place as i could so that if that were to occur i would have as much support 'out there' as possible. thankfully i didn't need it but due to budget cuts etc you do have to fight quite a bit to get the help you need but it is out there so don't be fobbed off. 

you'll get there love. you've obviously been through an awful lot, especially with losing your sister and nothing can take away that pain, only time can ease it slowly. 

keep going    and keep sharing on here if it helps.

GGx


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

also, what were the reasons for the 6 months off work? you mention they don't know about tx so what were the reasons they have for your time off? anxiety/depression? do you feel ready to go back? perhaps it would be good to be getting out every day? if not, are your company understanding,? could you be signed off for longer? i think the work situation is a tough one because sometimes it does us good to be 'normal' and have something to do, otherwise we can become so insular and have far too much time to think and we drive ourselves nuts, but if work is very stressful and is adding to the depression perhaps there's a reason we don't want to go back. 

if work isn't particularly the issue then maybe it would be helpful to get some structure and routine back, albeit slowly, otherwise the longer it goes on the harder it gets to go back at all, and i know from being out of work that can be a very slippery slope that really doesn't help in the long run.

GGx


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## seemedlike4eva (Jan 26, 2010)

Twinky, your pain leaps off the page.
I went through counselling once, and it came to an abrupt end when the counsellor had a heart attack. Helped while it lasted.
Work, I had one boss who was totally vile about mental health, and didn't accept it, but then was lucky enough to have an employer who was very understanding and did a gently phased return to work.  It's hard if you don't have your employer on side.
I wish IT could make things better. X


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Morning girls.

Again, thank you for your honest replies x

Greatgazza, I was struggling at work for months before I finally went off sick. I was suffering from major anxiety and stress due to the treatments & negative cycles. This caused my hair to break off & thin, plus I was loosing loads of weight (7.4) and my skin was becoming worse. 

All these symptoms made me feel (still do) ugly, self conscious and hopeless. I continued to work full time, but then comments started... "You don't look very well"..."You've lost too much weight"...."You look like your going bald"....YES believe it or not a young guy actually said that. It destroyed me.

The trouble is I've worked at the company for years, so they have seen me go through loosing my sister. Also my sister worked at the company many years ago, so there is some association there. I just feel as though everyone is looking at me thinking what a mess I've become, especially since loosing my sister. My personality and behavior is totally different now, I used to be happy go lucky and fun, but now I keep myself to myself and don't like to look people in the eyes. I feel ugly and insecure.

Because I'm a very private person, I chose not to disclose my medical treatment to the company, or my collegues, but believe me they are not the sort of people I can trust. The office environment is very *****y and people are generally very too faced.

Anyway, the final straw was finding out I was actually pregnant four days after what I believed to be my period had started, only to then be told I was likely to miscarry. I did a week later. That was the second darkest week of my life.

After that I just couldn't face work. I had no strength and still don't.

I really don't know what to do, my partner and family will support me what ever I decide, but ultimately the decision to go back, or not is mine... if only it was that easy!! I'm very indecisive anyway, but this is a big step for me.  My family are frustrated I can't make a decision, but I know Ii have too otherwise it will be made for me and this will be so much worse.

If it wasn't for the money I'd leave for sure, but i'm worried that if I leave now I wont have the confidence to find another job. Also as we've decided its best for me to reduce my hours that could be difficult when looking for another job... And there is the maternity pay to think about if I was to fall pregnant...

Something has to change. My counsellor is almost certain I will leave, its just a case of when... 

He said I should face my demons and go back atleast to give it a try. He said I should go to get closure one way or another.

I should also mention because I chose not to tell my team members whats going on with me, they weren't actually speaking to me before I left, which doesn't help my anxiety about going back! I think they believe me to be receiving special treatment and getting away with sickness. The company has been very good with allowing me the time off, but the people I have to work with are not so forgiving.

My partner has been working every hour god send to cover the mortgage and bills, so i really need to get back to working to give him a break. 

xx


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## Finky1983 (May 13, 2012)

Hi ladies, I am sorry to hear you have all been having a hard time. This road is hard enough without having the devil that is depression, I am afraid like I said earlier I cannot relate as I haven't had it, well bad anyway, but having my mum, sister, brother and grandad suffer from depression I can see how you can get. I just hope this road bring you all that we want xxxx

*tinky* my acne was on my face and was cystic, under my chin I could grab big lumps. My whole face was so painful and there were times when it was so itchy. I was a dancer and it used to be so painful I couldn't bear to go to work to put make up on my face as the sponge hurt, I would just cry all day and stay in the house. I tried so many anti bi's and people continuously mentioned roaccutane to me, but because I knew I wanted a baby I couldn't take that chance of falling pregnant whist on it, even though pregnancy normally is not the answer for us. Anyway I saw a herbalist last year and he said I had candida which was a yeast infection causing my acne, because I had taken so many anti bis to help it had actually made it worse and every time I took them they got worse cos the Yeast infection grew. So he put me on a candida diet, which basically involved cutting out yeast, sugar, dairy, vinegar, dextrose (basically any made sugars) fruit ( for the first month), I was on a detox tea, liver flush everyday and told to up my water intake which then was less than a litre so I had to drink tow litres aday. My skin I is now clear and my scars have reduced massively, I still get a couple of hormonal spots but I can cope with them to how they were. He said my diet would also increase fertilty but ours is my DH so that didn't help. Try researching on the Internet for candida diets, some of them are very extreme though, so best to see someone. Where are you based??


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

x


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Are herbalists very expensive? We're absolutely skint as it is. 

I'm pretty good. I haven't consumed (barely any) caffeine, or alcohol for months and I try not to have too much dairy and drink tonnes of herbal teas, but nothing seems to help. 

The doctors keep saying stress doesn't help, which is a no brainer, but they also say its hormone related and will hopefully sort itself out once i'm pregnant!!!


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

My skin was so much better whilst doing the menopur injections because it was giving my body what it lacks progesterone!! My nails grew so quickly and my skin stopped being so oily, but now i'm not on the treatment it's so much worse.


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## Finky1983 (May 13, 2012)

Tinky I was told exactly the same thing that it was due to stress and it will get better when I am pregnant. I felt like shouting well I am not pregnant and can't get pregnant and that's is tress in me so shut up haha.

The herbalist I saw was £35 every appointment but I was at that point were I would have paid anything. Like I say ou can do it by research on the Internet but they do really go in depth. It did take 3months for me to say wow my skin is better and you really have to check EVERYTHING you eat as once you start looking yeast, sugar dextrose is in EVERYTHiNg. I was amazed and felt like I couldn't eat anything but you will surprised how inventive you get. As for now, since my first cycle didn't work I have gone back to eatin what I want but still no cheese or milk. 

When I went to see him, I really didn't believe it would work as like I said I tried everything but it did.


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Hey Finky,

Thanks so much for your advice.

I've just filled out a questionaire on this website http://www.candidafree.co.uk/ and was very surprised to see that is was free!!

xx


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Did you see a chinese herbalist?


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

I have no idea how to find a good herbalist, any advice?

xx


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## Finky1983 (May 13, 2012)

That website looks good. Mine was not a Chinese herbalist, he has studied in both western and Chinese herbs though. http://www.stephenmacallan.co.uk/

I hope the questionnaire gives you some feedback. Do try it Hun, as. Said I tried everything and I can now leave the house without makeup, well someways but that's my own self confidence that still lacks


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

I would never be able to do that, especially now I have horrible red/purple scars all over my face and pock marks on my cheeks :-(


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Hmmm I don't know what I'm looking for in a herbalist though. 

How did you find yours?

xx


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## Finky1983 (May 13, 2012)

The red/purple scars I had are hardly visible now Hun, as for your marks I am sure they would also reduce in time, I know its annoying people say that so sorry. As I know you don't want time y want it to happen now that's how I felt. 

I got my herbalist through my DH family as they had seen him for various things, so I would say by recommendation.


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

I'm trying to search online, but there's not an awful lot of information and people that come up in my area have only got a phone number x


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## Finky1983 (May 13, 2012)

I would just say call around or do it yourself Hun with the diet.


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

Morning girls.

Again, thank you for your honest replies x

Greatgazza, I was struggling at work for months before I finally went off sick. I was suffering from major anxiety and stress due to the treatments & negative cycles. This caused my hair to break off & thin, plus I was loosing loads of weight (7.4) and my skin was becoming worse. 

All these symptoms made me feel (still do) ugly, self conscious and hopeless. I continued to work full time, but then comments started... "You don't look very well"..."You've lost too much weight"...."You look like your going bald"....YES believe it or not a young guy actually said that. It destroyed me.

The trouble is I've worked at the company for years, so they have seen me go through loosing my sister. Also my sister worked at the company many years ago, so there is some association there. I just feel as though everyone is looking at me thinking what a mess I've become, especially since loosing my sister. My personality and behavior is totally different now, I used to be happy go lucky and fun, but now I keep myself to myself and don't like to look people in the eyes. I feel ugly and insecure.

Because I'm a very private person, I chose not to disclose my medical treatment to the company, or my collegues, but believe me they are not the sort of people I can trust. The office environment is very *****y and people are generally very too faced.

Anyway, the final straw was finding out I was actually pregnant four days after what I believed to be my period had started, only to then be told I was likely to miscarry. I did a week later. That was the second darkest week of my life.

After that I just couldn't face work. I had no strength and still don't.

I really don't know what to do, my partner and family will support me what ever I decide, but ultimately the decision to go back, or not is mine... if only it was that easy!! I'm very indecisive anyway, but this is a big step for me.  My family are frustrated I can't make a decision, but I know Ii have too otherwise it will be made for me and this will be so much worse.

If it wasn't for the money I'd leave for sure, but i'm worried that if I leave now I wont have the confidence to find another job. Also as we've decided its best for me to reduce my hours that could be difficult when looking for another job... And there is the maternity pay to think about if I was to fall pregnant...

Something has to change. My counsellor is almost certain I will leave, its just a case of when... 

He said I should face my demons and go back atleast to give it a try. He said I should go to get closure one way or another.

I should also mention because I chose not to tell my team members whats going on with me, they weren't actually speaking to me before I left, which doesn't help my anxiety about going back! I think they believe me to be receiving special treatment and getting away with sickness. The company has been very good with allowing me the time off, but the people I have to work with are not so forgiving.

My partner has been working every hour god send to cover the mortgage and bills, so i really need to get back to working to give him a break. 

xx


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

tinky, work doesn't sound very nice right now.    could you talk to your team at some point and say that you have been having some personal issues or having some medical treatment that requires several appts and that you just want them to know that you're not taking the mickey with your time off and wouldn't be doing it unless it was absolutely necessary? maybe that would get their support without having to go into detail? what have you told the managment or hr or whoever you have told about the time off you have had? perhaps, right now it would be better to go back as it at least gives you something to do, i know when i have been depressed i was even worse when i was out of work as i stayed in bed for days...and perhaps just try and think of the benefits it will afford you when you get pg and need maternity leave. i think trying to find another job right now might add to your stress but if you go back and it's awful then think about leaving as no job is worth that. 

i really think you ought to go back to your gp as soon as you can and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist as they may be able to put you on a second anti depression that will aid the anxiety. also speak to them about what you can put in place for when your counsellor leaves.  i really think your priority right now is to feel a bit better otherwise you won't be fit for anything. you can deal with changing tables etc when you get pg. if you are also keen to put on weight there are some that increase your appetite, mertazapine for one. i think if you can find the right meds to help lift your mood somewhat then everything else will seem a little more bearable and if you go back to work and can cope with it you'll start to get some of your confidence back and begin climbing out of this black hole and you'll be able to deal with more and more over time. sadly, there is no quick fix, but once we start asking for and getting help we can start to see there is hope. don't let your GP fob you off, they are reluctant to refer due to budget cuts so you might have to be quite forthright about getting some help.

good luck

GGx


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## Tinky27 (Dec 12, 2012)

I really don't think these Fluroxetine are helping with my anxiety :-(

I was awake till 4am feeling sick with worrying about my meeting with the company tomorrow. 

However, my mood has improved slightly, so I don't know whether to change over to citilopram or not!

x


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

Tinky    it's understandable to be anxious about your work meeting and perhaps even citalopram wouldn't have made any difference in this instance. however, if your anxiety is overwhelming and out of proportion that's why i think you need to push your gp to refer you to a psychiatrist as they are the experts in these meds and they could either advise you to switch or put you on a combination of drugs that could help with other things as well.

as i said by PM please, please please be firm with your gp about getting a referral, take someone with you if necessary. 

glad your mood has slightly improved at least.

GGx


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## mb2512cat (Sep 12, 2011)

Just to say I was on sertraline for a year after the loss of pg2, and as I have had a bfn this morning after ivf2 I am going to the docs in about an hour to ask to go back on to sertraline. I can't bear to spend a minute more like this.


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