# Mad to do IVF again?



## Caddy (Feb 14, 2006)

Hi Girls.

Am thinking of doing IVF here in the USA where I live at the mo. One of the big incentives is that it will be mainly covered on insurance.

BUT there are so many buts....
I am now 41, have severe endo and now adenomyosis, one tube, nearly off the scale low amh, awful immunes and a reluctant husband who thinks we have been through enough (we have!).
Basically I am going against the rational view and letting my desire for a third baby take over even when the chances of success with IVF are so low anyway for me. Groan.
Infertility has been a struggle for me for 13 years now and I cannot shake it off.
I know I should move onto the "moving on" board, but really I do not want to move on. 

I know I am so so lucky and feel greedy on here wanting another. However, when I look at people around me having their fourth and fifth I feel horrible and envious.

Any wise words great fully received.
Caddy xx


----------



## Ivfmamma (Jun 10, 2012)

Caddy said:


> Hi Girls.
> 
> Am thinking of doing IVF here in the USA where I live at the mo. One of the big incentives is that it will be mainly covered on insurance.
> 
> ...


Hi caddy,

I'm a bit the same, my sons only 3 months old & since the minute he was born I knew id want another, my husband doesn't object but our finances kind of do, it's nothing a bit of saving up won't take care of.

I didn't think id want another baby ever, never mind this quickly.

It took us 10 years to battle through for him so I'm dreading trying all the ivf again incase we have a whole load more years ahead of us going through it.

I don't have any tubes so a natural conception for me is a bit like winning the lottery 4 times in the same month lol.

I just don't want to spend my sons early years doing ivf again & missing out on everything with him, but at the same time I don't want to get too old before we start again.

Bull sh't isn't it that we can't be like any normal woman & just have a frigging baby easily. X


----------



## Caddy (Feb 14, 2006)

Huge congrats on your gorgeous boy, IVFmamma. He is a real cutie pie.

I know what you mean about wanting another one straight away.
I started TTC as soon as my period returned with both of them!!!! Deluding myself that maybe I would be more fertile.
I have only ever conceived naturally when taking humira as my cytokines are always so high.

I know what you mean also about the gruelling IVF road. I did say I would do no more after my second child, but then the biological urges take over and now I have the pressure of age. I was 27 when I started TTC and now am 41. I should probably just leave it all behind me, but I can't seem to.

My problem is that I am a poor responder with IVF too. Groan. So the chances of that working are slim, but better than the zero I have right now.

I think I probably will give it a bash. Got to have the conversation again with my husband. He is so lovely, but is perfectly happy as we are and I think privately despairs of me.  

Why is something so "natural", just the hardest thing in the world to achieve?

Love Caddy xx


----------



## coucou2009 (Sep 12, 2012)

Dear Caddy,
I am not in the same exact boat. I was diagnosed with secondary infertility as we were able to conceive our daughter easily (who is now 5). I am expecting my IVF baby in about 3 weeks (or less). This was after going through all the usual testing (nothing was wrong) and doing some rounds of clomid and then 6 iui`s and one ivf cycle that resulted in this pregnancy. Unfortunately, I only had four follicles, three embryos and only two made it 3 days but were pretty much grade A. I had hoped that I would be able to have some on tap so to speak so we could just try and see but nothing. I am thankful for my child and the one that I am having (why do Infertiles always have to say that? Like it we should just take what we can get). Anyway, I feel sad that this would most likely be my last child as if I had to go through this much to conceive my second, then a third most likely will be just as gruelling. I think it is normal to have that sadness as we have no control over our fertility but on the other side having treatments are our control.

I am also American but by some twist of fate ended up in Belgium where thankfully treatments are covered under the healthcare act. I know that if we were in the States, we would still do the IVF cycles but since I am given 6 cycles (as i am under 41 but in my high 30's) I don`t have that much time. If you are in the NY area, I spoke with a top specialist in NY last summer who gave a second opinion. 

I also know that it is hard to convince the husband as they seem to take the brunt of the treatments and in some ways have it easier but also harder.

Wish you luck


----------



## Caddy (Feb 14, 2006)

Thanks, Coucou. And congrats on your impending arrival. Not long now.
I just loved being pregnant so much and long to do it all again.

It's great that you got your treatment covered in Belgium. We have $10,000 of coverage, so it will more or less cover a cycle at SIRM which are a good clinic.

I really did not want to go down the IVF route again as it is gruelling and for me has only resulted in one success out of six (although the first three were at a rubbish clinic), so my success rate is poor. I actually wonder if I will produce any eggs as my AMH is so low now.

Anyway, I went for some immune bloods today and got all the info to start. Need to discuss it with my DH now. Eek. He is under such a lot of stress at work it is hard to find the right time. Maybe after a few drinks.... Not looking forward to it. Must be so nice to have to do all this stuff....

Good luck with the baby. Such a lovely time.
Caddy xxxx


----------



## Raa raa (Oct 20, 2011)

Hi Caddy
no answers i'm afraid. I too cant shake off the 'shall i try for another'. Its like i've been fighting so long i cant imagine it being over! I have 2 lovely children and 6 frosties (3 poor quality). But DH strength of feeling against makes me so sad. I was quite ill in my last pregnancy and my babies were both tiny....I dont really want to be pregnant. But if DH would support me I think i would go for it.
Perhaps you should give yourself a set number of attempts? Or get advice on what % chance it will work for you.
The hardest thing for me is knowing i would go through it all again but DH doesnt want the pregnancy worries/early days again.....
Rambling i know....
Worrying i will always regret not trying again....worrying about what might go wrong if successful.....worrying if i should try to change my husbands mind or if that would be bad
xx


----------



## Caddy (Feb 14, 2006)

Hi Raa Raa. 

So hard to know what to do for the best. I would def go for it if I had frosties. Nightmare though when your OH is not onside. 

Having started the IVF ball rolling with tests etc, I have changed my mind. The thought of broaching the subject with my DH got me so anxious, then he had major work stress, then our cat nearly died... I don't know. I just thought I can't drag everyone through it again. I feel quite liberated now in some ways.
I will keep on trying naturally (actually had a positive test this month but was a horrid blue dye that turned into nothing). I won't lie and say that every month I won't hope, but I just felt I did not gave the energy for it after all.

Raa Raa - what do you think you will do? 

Love Caddy xxx


----------



## Raa raa (Oct 20, 2011)

Hi Caddy
i can understand how it must feel liberating  and maybe you can move forward as your family of 4 now, hope so for you
i oscillate between telling dh he must let me do FET, and thinking we could just move forward with no more worries/stresses. Dont really want to stop BF my son for IVF, as i had to do my daughter, was so sad .
Am going to the counsellor in june
Any treatment really will have to be this year. If get to 2015, then i'm done. Will feel too old and age gaps will be too big.
Gotta big pressure question comeing up, hope counsellor helps me get clarity. (All i really need for clarity is dh support) sigh
take care Caddy x


----------



## Caddy (Feb 14, 2006)

There are just no easy answers in all of this. 

It is made worse when you get over 40 and there starts a feeling of panic about it being the end of the road.

I remember trying so long for number 1 (was 6 years) and thinking how selfish people were for moaning about having another when I would give anything for one and be happy.

Now I am so so happy, but the nagging for another never goes away.
I would have used frosties, definitely, but have never had them. My DH has said so many times about how much I have been through and he does not want to see me put my body through punishing cycles again. He is right really, but it would be worth it for me if it resulted in a baby. My problem is that the chances are so low that it makes it all a bit pointless.

I hope the counseling helps. I have thought about that too. Be interested to hear how it goes.

Big hugs.
Caddy xx


----------

