# Adopting an older child



## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Hi Everyone, 

We have just been matched to a 6yo pink, who we are due to meet on the 18th August until 28th August.  

My question is: has anyone any experiences of parenting older children?

One of the problems we have is that she will be home just before she is due to go to school We have already registered at the local school, but are unsure when to start her. One of the options would be for her to go afternoons/mornings for a while.

Any advise about School?  

Thanks in advance


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

Be child led. Some children will attach better with less intense transitions e.g. Send them to school. Some children will benefit from more intensive funnelling before they are ready to start school in their new family. Some will change partway through. 

I've seen SWers recommend that you stick with the child's routine. I've seen SWers and parents say "start as you mean to go on".  But I also know that some children don't always move to their adoptive placement in a good routine. So perhaps the best advice is to be ready to change your plan as you get to know your child better?


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I think be child led but it is a difficult time of yr as the first few weeks are when so much is set up for the year in terms of routine and behaviour in school.  I think if it's right for her half days are probably a good idea as she could get her English and maths and phonics and tbh having taught that age range the rest can wait when more important things are happening.  

I would also talk to school about how they will support you eg can she have photos of  you to remind her mummy will be collecting her soon?  A visual pecs timetable with the lessons / things she'll do in order then a picture of you at the end symbolizes you coming to get her? Will all staff make a point of subtlety mentioning you and that you'll be here at x point for her.  Just little things to help.  

That said my eldest is younger and not at school but I pulled nursery as she wouldn't have coped. She'll still shout mummy where are you in a slightly panicked voice if I go into the next room without saying something.  However a friend off my prep course had her lo back in education pretty quick as lo missed it and was comfortable.  So it is each child is different in my view no hard rules.  Also your lo will be allocated something called pupil premium which is about £1500 that is to be spent on her improving her educational experience and prospects.  Discuss how this is to be spent could some of it be to support her learning / you to keep her up to speed from home if she isn't ready to go.  

It sounds daft but your mummy radar kicks in very quickly and in your heart you will know what is right for your child.  You will have a million logical arguments in your head but your gut will pull you one way.  Trust that and don't let teachers and SW's boss you or tell you what's best you are mummy and your heart will know xxx


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Well said handstitched and mummy DIY, fab advise.

Congratulations flick, what exciting times! Good luck xxx


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

Both my 2 were older when they came home, my son was 6 and my daughter 5, both had already started school, with our son we were very much led by him and he started school just a week and a half after coming home, he so wanted to go, in hind site it was far to early and we shouldn't have done what we were going to do in he 1st place and kept him off for at least the 1st 4 weeks.
With our daughter we kept her off for 6 weeks when she came home, it was much better, allowed for bonding, she 2 was desperate to go but we stuck to our guns this time.


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## Maccer (Feb 2, 2010)

Congrats FlickJ!  Our little man came to us when the school year had already started and he was with us for around 4 weeks before he went to school.  The school was really good and allowed me to go in with him for a few hours a day in the beginning and we reduced it daily until he was comfortable with his surroundings and his teachers.  We also went for a tour around the school a week before he started which seemed to help prepare him.  

We did let him lead, we were prepared to keep him home for as long as possible but we could see he was missing being around other children so we decided to let him start just after Easter, he was behind but has since caught up, so I wouldn't worry if you felt it was better to keep her off longer as it will all come together at some point and please don't be forced into putting her into school if you feel she isn't ready.  

Good luck, 

Maccer xxx


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Congrats flick j , all the best on your mammy journey xx


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Thanks for all the excellent advise  

I think I just need to follow her and not come to any decisions now (totally against my character as I like to know what I am doing, but in this case I think that'll be the way to go) 

Guess I will have to get used to that


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