# My donor experience (pregnancy; miscarriage and success mentioned)



## safarigirl

I’ve been meaning to write something about my experience for awhile – so here goes.  If anyone thinks this is not the place to post it, please let me know and I’ll have it moved.  I do think the abroadies place should remain in essence a place where people are on the road to their dream, and not to be flooded with births and bumps – however when I was going for treatment, I found that the one thing I wanted to know more about was the emotional side of donor treatment – I found excellent medical advice, but searched for experiences of those who had had donor treatment and children who were donor conceived.    I am hoping that this will be a (positive) account for all newbies, those on the road and perhaps be of some help.  It is a personal experience, just my thoughts, and not necessarily anyone else’s experience.

Well as most of you know (I seem to be a prolific poster) I managed to fall pregnant easily but miscarried each of the three pregnancies I had.  I decided after the third miscarriage that I couldn’t go through a miscarriage again and that perhaps using a donor would give us the success we were dreaming of. (Despite a consultant wanting me to try again with PDG/IVF my own eggs, I looked at the success rates and couldn’t face odds that low).  I was already on FF so had peeked at these threads and had a heads up start on what to do, where to go.  Strangely enough it wasn’t a long road for us to make this decision, and my husband, after I mentioned it to him, (casually like you do one night over dinner) said yes, why not, and so our journey began.

At the time prior to my first planned DEIVF I thought I was pregnant.  I felt a strange panic and thought, okay so I’ll miscarry in 6 weeks, and have to wait 3 months before I can go to Ceram, I felt strangely defeated.  Well I wasn’t pregnant, just a cycle gone haywire, but it confirmed to me in a weird way how ready I was for DE!

After the first DE at Ceram I have to confess to feeling strange.  I had never had IVF and it occurred to me that I had used another woman’s eggs etc.  I remember clearly thinking to myself, if this doesn’t work, that’s it, and we’ve tried our best.  Our first result was a resounding negative.  The experience of that negative was not like a miscarriage (to me).  Miscarriage was painful and left me in a pain that I had not experienced before, and still find hard to speak of.  Yet a BFN held its own unique pain, that of emptiness and loss, and although a different experience neither was easy and in a way a BFN is harder to explain to anyone and therefore even more isolating.  I remember so well our negative, it was my husbands 40th, I had so hoped that our dream would come true and we would celebrate his birthday with a pregnancy.  The two of us went to a play, a rather intense one, and I felt the pains of a period on its way.  The two of us, sitting in a bar, London at our feet, both so sad drinking champagne and not having to speak as we both knew and tried to digest a loss that was hard to describe.  After the negative, my thoughts of one attempt only, went out the window!  I suddenly thought, why am I putting a boundary on the amount of times, why do I have to succeed at first – and the thought of being childless, without trying haunted me.  (Not of being childless, I knew we would be okay with that, but of not trying seemed harder to bear)  So I came up with a plan, and went for my second treatment 6 months later.  In between this I continued with acupuncture, but lived normally, ate what I liked, partook of wine, and found this liberating to not be in treatment mode,  not trying to fall pregnant, just knowing we had a plan..  I also went for a treatment (kinesiology) with a woman in Geneva to help me unlock the pain of miscarriage – I believed I was holding on to the fear of miscarriage, and that I needed to re-lease it before I could carry a child.  It was a difficult experience, bringing up a lot of emotion for me, but I did feel that I had unblocked, from a cell memory my experience of miscarriage.

Well our second round at Ceram brought up two perfect embies.  This time my DH couldn’t be there, and I went in by myself.  I sat on the beach before the treatment, taking in the sunshine and pleading with whomever above, and whatever child spirit was out there, that this was the time, and to please come.  I made a promise (I intend to keep) that if a child chose us as their parents, I would do my best to give them the happiest most joyful time.  Well we were lucky; who knows why, at times I still think it’s a numbers game.  But now when I look at Frida, I think perhaps we just had to wait for her.  

Pregnancy hadn’t prepared me for the emotions I felt.  (Please remember as you read this, this is just my personal experience)  I suddenly felt that I was pregnant with a “donor” child, and every day of my pregnancy I seemed to think about this, had we done the right thing, had we thought it through properly. (this in relation to how a child would feel knowing they were donor conceived) But as my belly grew, so did my intimate relationship with my child start.  She kicked and hiccupped her way into my heart, and became a part of me, and I knew that I had to resolve these feelings as a child was on its way, not needing any of my hang-ups.  At no point did I not want the pregnancy; I just hadn’t expected the mixed emotions.  I am eternally grateful to some abroadies who had already had a baby, who seemed to read between the lines, and emailed me and spoke to me about this confirming that they to have felt this.

My DH and I have always said we will tell the child, and were not too worried about our donor’s characteristics.  Strangely enough we have a child who looks like an exact mix of the two of us, with the biggest blue eyes ever (eye colour was not important to us even though I have very blue eyes!)  I guess I should say here, that the one thing about having a baby is that people always remark on how they look and try to pinpoint it to one of you.  You need to grow a skin around this, and my DH and I are playful around these questions.  We realise they just seem to form the conversation around new babies.  However if you are not going to tell anyone then I would think carefully around donor characteristics.  There are many people we have yet to tell, due to distance and circumstance, and many of my closest friends who have yet to be told tell me what an amazing mix my daughter is of my DH and I.  Already her little personality is in sync with ours, who knows how, but obviously there is more at play than just genes in donor treatments

The next emotion that I wasn’t prepared for was after my daughter was born.  It was the third night, we were home from the hospital and I looked at her.  She was perfect and the most beautiful thing I had ever looked at.  I burst out crying, saddened that my genes had nothing to do with her perfection.  I so longed at that moment (and just for that time)that we didn’t have to contend with the donor issue.  I’ll never forget what  my DH  said to me - looked at me, held me and said Frida and I will help you and You and I will help Frida, we are all together, we are all one.

Now, my beautiful daughter turns 6 months tomorrow.  She is a delight.  A magical child that is more than I ever imagined.  If I could have a child of my own genes or her, I would choose her.  She is my child; she is of my heart, of my mind and of my spirit.  I want nothing more.

There were doubts for me along the road, and times that I wondered what I was doing.  However I now know I can face it all as I have love in my heart and that she will see and know this.    Those we have told have responded with kindness and love and told us that we are brave and awesome.  The donor issue has faded into the background, although we will raise it when we feel our daughter is ready to comprehend more what we are saying.  

So for those of you that are still on this road, I understand how hard it is, but if you can hold out it is worth it – it is worth just trying to know that you did what you could and no-one can ever take that away from any of us on this thread.  We have all gone beyond ourselves to try and bring to fruition our dreams.


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## Tottie

Thank you for writing such a beautiful story Safarigirl.  I got a lump in my throat reading it.  It is a very comforting and encouraging read.

You are clearly besotted with your daughter and your DH and a very loving family unit together.

Love Tottie xx


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## three_stars

Safarigirl-  you are such a lovely special person and you always have expressed yourself so well here on FF.  Thank you so much for sharing this with us... the tears are rolling.. so much that I can relate to in what you have said.

Bless you and your wonderful husband and beautiful daughter.

Bonnie


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## redmond

Wow thank-you so much for sharing this with us all.  I am in the process of starting DE treatment and have found it, and still do, a wobbly rd! Reading your touching account of your journey has really moved me and confirmed I am doing the right thing for us.  Your love for your daughter shines through and what more could she ask for.  Thanks again for taking the time to share your positive story x


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## B777

Dear Safarigirl

Thank you for your beautiful post. I really appreciate your honesty and sharing your deepest thoughts and emotions on DE. I am currently cycling with a known donor who is an amazing woman and I will forever be in her debt. She is a kind, sweet beautiful person and I feel very honoured & lucky to have her as my donor. However, I have wondered how I would feel once the baby was born (if I am lucky enough) and would there be times when I would feel detached from her because of the genetic issue, in addition to feeling guilty for having these thoughts at all. It's reassurring to hear that I'm not the only one and that your love for Frida with yr DH will overcome all obtacles.  

Thank you again for helping me to be better prepared for my journey. 
Bea


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## HEM

Sarfarigirl

I too had the same thoughts and concerns as you did with regard to DE and I also have two teenage sons from my 1st marriage that are biologically mine and wondered if I would feel any different when my baby girl conceived by donor egg treatment was born and I don't, I feel the same for my daughter as my sons and are so blessed to have her in our family. Life is a precious thing and you appreciate it more going through treatment and I feel blessed that I am fortunate to have a very special little girl. I smile when they say she looks like the boys or me people see what they wish to see .

Thanks for writing the post you have put into words how I felt through pregnancy and I look at our daughter and feel so much happiness.  IVF is an emotional experience for anyone especially coupled with the fact of treatment in a foreign county and through the donor route, but I would not have altered a thing and would do the same thing again, though the little one keeps me on my toes so I think I will call it a day.

Many thanks for the post and for echoing my views so eloquently

Helen xx


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## RSMUM

Safarigirl - I cannot stop blubbing at your beautiful post, you really have such an eloquent way of putting things. It makes me ashamed that I may have come across too flippant and misunderstanding of other people who have struggled with the donor issue. 

I guess, for me, I have been incredibly lucky to have a husband who is very " black and white " about the whole issue and INCREDIBLY supportive at the same time- I remember when we went for counselling and he said " this is the way we have to go if we are going to have another child, if other people have a problem with the fact that the child has been conceived in this way, then it is their problem not ours " ( although he wasn't quite as polite as that!  . ..but also, what has helped me too was that I was lucky in that I saw people - several of whom became close friends, battle with the decision to use to donor, and then I saw them pregnant and then with their incredible children and how much they loved those children and, exactly as you said, just made the right sort of noises when people commented on their kids looks. That really helped me get my head around the donor issue. And then of course, meeting all you wonderful FF girls and being there through so many journeys!

I appreciate that is it different for me as I have DD but even so I have also mourned my loss of the genetic connection.

HEM, I think you have said it so well too....I feel incredibly blessed to have my daughter, and, hopefully, if all goes well with this pregnancy, our family will be complete. 

Thanks so much for writing this post, I hope you have been able to help a lot of other people who might be struggling with these issues.

You are a star Safarigirl!


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## fringegirl

Safarigirl

It was really good to read your story as it really struck a chord with me.

I am currently 16 weeks pregnant with twins from DE treatment at IVI Alicante and am wondering if I have done the right thing.
I had a miscarriage in Feb this year and then was told in April that I had already hit the early menopause - this was such a lot to take in and to be honest I don't think I gave myself time or grieve properly. I feel now I might have rushed into the DE treatment too soon. 
I feel like such an awful person for feeling this way as I know I am very lucky to have had such a resounding success on my first try at DE treatement. Especially when others have so many disappointments and heartbreaks.
I too feel at the moment like they aren't my babies. So far I haven't felt the babies move yet but I'm sure that will be soon.
I am hoping that once they start moving etc I will feel differently and they will just be mine and DHs.
It really comforted me to see that someone else had similar feelings and I don't feel like such a horrendous person now.
From what you say, a lot of people have had mixed emotions in the early days of their pregnancies. I'm sure once I get my 20 weeks scan and find out sexes I will be excited and making lots of plans.
Thanks for sharing your story


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## Morvern

Safarigirl
That was such a beautiful post. It made me tearful. 
Many thanks
Morvern


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## Milly40

Dear Safari girl,
                  Thank you for such a beautiful post...you have put into words everything I was thinking and feeling......the tears are rolling down my face....because you have put such emotion into the post......we are all there with you and its something only the women on here truly understand.......  
All the best for your future with your lovely daughter and DH ......I hope one day I can write a similar post.........   
  
            Love Milly


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## caz nox

Thank you for sharing - it is beautifully written - sounded straight from your heart and soul. 

Carrie
XX


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## wannabe mum

Safarigirl - thank you so much for your beautiful post, from my perspective you have helped me realise that we are definitely going down the right road.

I wish you and your beautiful family lots of love &  

Wendy xxx


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## janeup

Safari girl...that's beautiful. Really beautiful.
xxxx


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## longbaygirl

Thanks safarigirl - you are right the emotional side of DE is unspoken, almost taboo. 

There is a fear amongst DE mums that expressing feelings of worry or doubt is tantamount to saying you have made a mistake or that you won't love a DE baby in the same way you would have loved a 'genetic' child. So everyone keeps quiet and pretends those thoughts were never there.

I think it is completely right/normal to have concerns and worries - and I am so glad you have shared your experience, because it makes it a bit easier for the rest of us to talk about how we felt or feel.

Like Debs, I already have a genetic child, but I am still sad that there will be no more. My DE boys are absolutely beautiful, and it would have been nice to have been a part of their biochemical mix - but in the final analysis, I wanted a baby and DE was simply a tool to facilitate  that. It maybe naive, but that's how I felt.

My boys are loved every bit as much as their brother, and in some ways even more because they are still young enough to enjoy lots of kisses and cuddles (unlike preteens!), but I am a bit sad that one day they will have to come to terms with their difference, comments from the ignorant or plain spiteful, and as much as I want to, I won't be able to protect them from this. 

So I suppose I am saying that I am worried about other peoples' reaction to them as DE and if the current media obsession with 'genetics' (everytime you turn the TV on there is a programme on about genealogy/family tracing or ill-health and genetic predisposition) will make them feel 'different' in some way, and how they will cope with this.

Like all mums, everywhere, I just want to protect them, and I can't bear the thought that they might have to deal with possible negative consequences of my decision to use DE.

Luckily, when I mention this my dh always puts things back into perspective by telling me that I am talking rubbish and that they are just as likely to have to deal with stupid people making comments about their clothes or what they had for breakfast and I can't protect them against that either - so why get wound-up about it. 

According to him, the only difference that will really make their life a misery is dependent upon which football team they support!


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## Vanilla

Hi Safarigirl

Today DH and I found out we are expecting a baby girl. We are thrilled and I secretly hoped for a little girl although I have been concerned about those who know the baby is of DE will scrutinise its female looks and wonder more so what the donor looked like. It seems that through my research of baby girls they do in fact look very much like there Dads and I was slowly starting to accept I was dwelling too much on my concern.

Your post has helped a CONSIDERABLE amount and I'm simply not going to waste my energies worrying about it anymore and if I do have a moment I'll refer to your beautiful post again.

Best Wishes to you
Vanilla xxxx


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## Old Mum

Just wanted to say thank you Safarigirl for your wonderful post.    As I sit here after 2 failed IVF's with my own eggs and due to travel to Barcelona for transfer of donor eggs in  the next 10 days you say it all.       I fear the fears you express but know that this is the only way we will hopefully get the child that my DH and I so dearly want and deserve.      Its a scary time and your post has helped hugely.      Thank you!


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## SUSZY

Hi Safari Girl
Thanks for that beautiful post, it so helps others to share your experiences through your recording of it.
I know you were the first person I wrote to when I was considering DE in CERAM and you offered me so much advice and support then and we commented back then in Nov ( exactly a year ago) how alike our journeys were.  You were a few months pregnant and here you are with a six month old.  I am in the middle of my DE tx with a known donor who is my angel Angela, its so strange after months of debating and mourning the loss of my eggs and then being offered the wonderful gift by Angela and accepting it we have come so far along  this journey  with EC on 7th resulting in 20 eggs, 11 fertilised the following day and today we were told there were five nice embies 1 grade one and 4 grade 2 all four cell and we have ET on Monday.  So we just have to get through the weekend and the ET and the 2ww!!  I recognise a lot of the girls on this thread which is nice.
I wish everyone luck at whatever stage they are at and whether it be DE at home or abroad.
A.T.C.C my donor Angela has started a thread for donors and she wants to promote getting more donors in the UK so people have more choice if they want.  Take a look at it under the Donor thread.
Thanks again Safari Girl your story was so well written and will really help people.
Enjoy your georgous girl!
Love
Susie


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## safarigirl

thank you all for your wonderful comments (and IM's) about my post - i felt strangely afraid posting it but wrote it, didnt read or edit it and clicked the send button!  You were the first to read it, my DH only got a copy after it was read here! 

I felt so aware that i was posting it at a time where there were a few abroadies who had had negatives, but my intent was twofold, one of hope (although my de journey was relatively short, my road to a child had its difficulties and i hoped that that would help someone relate to this story).  I have many friends on this board who are still on their journey and it was my small contribution to adding something positive to that hard and lonely road of treatment.  Also i wanted to enter at least into the conversation of feelings around being pregnant as it was something that i carried with me and i felt the need to share it here.
I so appreciate your warm comments and as always your loving thoughts to my daughter.  As i've said before i appreciate these even more, because i understand how hard it is when you are still on the road to a child.
I hope that i can continue to be of support on these boards, and if anyone needs to talk further about anything i have expressed you can always IM me if you wish and we can talk via email.
All i wish for now is that one by one each abroadies dream comes true.  I told my Dh that if we ever won the lotto i would use it to fund abroadies treatment - he looked horrified, but every time someone gets a positive, i see him sigh with relief ticking off that amount of money not having to be spent!  (So you have his wishes behind you as well!)
To those of you who are undergoing treatment you are in my heart and thoughts - not a day goes by that i dont think of you and wish and wish and wish ....


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## Fidget

SafariGirl,

as all the others have said, it was a beautiful well thought out post and I also want to thnak you for posting it for us all to read. I too had moments   when reading it.

Love and hugs to all

Debs
xxxxxx


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## Jaydi

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.  Safarigirl I wept and wept reading your post.  What you have told us is very special and your courage to say it out loud is much appreciated.

I have struggled with the idea of having a donor egg and have grieved and continue to grieve over not being able to be genetically linked to my child.  A few days before we travelled to Spain for our DE treatment I really wanted to stop.  Of course I just wanted it ALL to stop – it was so unfair we couldn’t make babies like everyone else!  But looking back I wonder if it was the hormones I was taking too?  DH was marvellous and said we could stop and he meant it.  But we travelled to Spain anyway knowing we could call a halt anytime.  Not helpful for our clinic of course but that was how we felt at the time.  It seemed to take the pressure off once I knew I could take just one little step at a time and then see.  In the end I didn’t want to stop.  One difference I noticed was that I didn’t have that protective feeling for the eggs on ec day or the next couple of days that I had had with my own eggs and embryos.  I felt quite remote from them but once the embryos were inside me I felt really great.  I loved the fact I was looking after them now and I felt very protective of them.  I found I wouldn’t cross the road without waiting for the green light – I stopped taking any risks at all!  Actually I think that has been the hardest thing about having a miscarriage – I feel I let them down when I should have been looking after them.

I have a thought about how we feel when we are pregnant with our DE babies.  I wonder if it is so different to anyone expecting a baby?  I don’t know because I haven’t  experienced that .  What I wonder is if it is entirely normal to have ‘cold feet’ when we find ourselves pregnant?  I always remember reading D.W. Winnicott ‘Babies and their Mothers’ when he writes about the ordinary devoted mother, he talks about the nine months period of being pregnant as being useful.  A time for a gradual change-over in the woman.  You have time to come round to the idea.  It gives you time to have a period of preparation and a chance to re-orientate to your baby.  I wonder if everyone has doubts but when DE recipients have them they think it is entirely because of the DE and not just a normal part of pregnancy?

I don’t know if I am making any sense but I was moved by everyone’s stories and particularly Fringegirl – your feelings sound very normal to me but we have 9 months to re-orientate.  Winnicott writes that by the time the baby is ripe for birth the mother is ready.  I’m certain it will be true for you and your little ones.

Thank you Sarfarigirl and thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts too.  It’s very special.

Jaydi xxx


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## Sasha B

Safarigirl,

Thank you so much for sharing your heart and soul with us. What you said is so honest and so true. Just because we are trying to get pregnant with DE does not make us any less of a mother, once we get that BFP. We may not share genetics but we do share blood. It is an incredibly complex issue. Most of the time I forget that Bella is the result of DE but there are times when I am reminded (like today when a member of my family asked "Do you know what her real mother looks like?". Well, she looks like me, because I am her REAL mother) . Not that I want to forget at all. If it wasn't for my lovely donor, I wouldn't have my beautiful girl. I plan to be open with Bella as well about her conception but I just hope that she won't love me any less for not being genetically related to her or feel that in some way I have robbed her of knowing about part of her genetic roots. 

Sasha xxx


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## babycrazy

Safarigirl.
Beautifull, beautifull, words and wisdom,
x
karen


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## tiger24

Just wanted to say what a wonderful post that was - like everyone else who has read it, it made me cry.  You have a wonderfully expressive way of talking about it and it really hits home - thank you for sharing with us. 

Tiger24


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## Lou F ❁

Safarigirl
what an amazing post, i want to thank you so very much, we have known most of this year that we would need DE but only really decided in the last few months we are due out to Reprofit in Feb 08. I am having very wobbly days about he whole genetics issue, mainly as my younger sister had her little boy only a week ago, i went to visit them within 7 hours and i walked into the ward i prayed with all my heart that he would look like his daddy and not my sister   I felt so guilty for hoping but i couldnt help it, we lost my dad last year and i was dreading him looking like my dad knowing that no child i may have could have that link. I am so pleased that the little man looks just like his daddy so dark where as we are all fair  
Anyway i am rambling.
I just want to thankyou for being so honest about your deepest thoughts and fears. I hold my hat off to you for being so brave.
And a huge congratulations on our little girl.
lol
lou


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## odette

Thank you safari girl 

You have helped so many people in this post, including me.

Much Love xxx


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## Gen

Hiay Ladies,

I'm so full of emotion as I'm going for e/t on Wednesday using a known donor. I went through a real roller coaster of emotion coming to the decision. I'm hopeful and excited, however I have very brief moments of wondering what it will be like on the "other side" if I get there.

It takes such courage to open up and share real emotions without judging them as _right or wrong_, as these thought are normal for anyone going through such a shift in treatment approaches.

THANKS safari girl, for starting this stream. You are a star, thanks so much for this contribution, it is both deeply touching and truly appreciated.

I'm reaching out to give you a huge warm hug , and wishing you the very best with your baby daughter. 

For everyone else using donors and still awaiting their dream, I'm sending a boat load of good wishes for you.

LOL Gen xOx


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## safarigirl

gen thank you for the hug, you will be in my thoughts on wednesday .... it is such an exciting time (nerve wracking, anxiety driven) but it is so full of possibility the moment of treatment .... let me know how you get on .... lashings of baby dust ...

to everyone else who has replied to this thread, thank you ... it means so much to me ...


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## ElleJay

Dear Safarigirl - thank you so much for taking the time to write this and being brave enough to be so honest here - you are an amazing person and this has helped me so much as, when I finally got my BFP I felt really strange - happy but **** scared about what the little one might be like - worrying that I wouldn't love him/her, and hated myself for being like that.  Hated myself even more when I miscarried as I thought that my feelings could have contributed to it, but I have to get over that.....

Frida is so lucky to have you as a Mummy, hugest of hugs to her - and, for your husband's sake as well as mine, I really hope that 2008 is the year that I will be struck off your lottery win money allocation list!

Love

Lesleyj xxx


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## safarigirl

lesleyj you contributed nothing, miscariage is such a hard thing, but it has nothing to do with you or your feelings (I know this because i have been elated and full of love and miscarried, and the time of doubt and some fear carried to term)  But i knwo the irrational fears of having miscarried, was it the bath, was it something i ate, did i not rest enough etc etc etc ... so that is just something you are picking up on.
I am going to so happily cross you off that lottery list next year ... nothing will give me more pleasure as i say, good good good, no money for lesleyj!
In my thoughts for your next treatment ....


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## nursey5

Hi Safarigirl

Hope you dont mind me posting here?  What a beautiful story, the tears are still running.  

As an ED reading your story really hits home the emotional rollercoster that the receipient goes through on their baby journey.  You can almost feel and touch the love you have for your daughter when reading your story, its such an amazing gift to be able to give someone - I keep saying it but I trully believe that it is an honour and a complete privilage to be part of it.

My sister is my receipient, BFN with 1st treatment - but for the 1st time in her journey has frosties!!!  I love her dearly and would donate again, and hope to do so in the future but im on standby awaiting outcome of my sisters (kim(buster24)) treatment, i've only got 4years left!!).  

I wish you all the very best for 2008, and have a super christmas with your little angel!!!  

Lots of love
Karen
xx


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## safarigirl

karen, your post indeed completes the cycle of this post, and thank you so much for posting ... you are a wonderful person, just the notion that you will give is enough for any person - your sister i am sure acknowledges your kindness and bigness of  your heart ... i am glad that you can see, through my eyes, the joy this gift can bring .... thank you for posting, it means so much to me .... and the best of everything for your sister, may her dreams come true in the new year ....


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## little nell

Sorry- it posted onto a different thread than I was ecpecting. Ignore me!


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## Shellyj

Safarigirl,
Your touching story brought tears to my eyes, its good to know that others whilst doing de tx still have their doubts.
Congrats on your little girl , and also on the brave choice to tell people of her origin.
I hope that if I am ever blessed with a child that I will have the courage to do the same.
Love Shellyjxxx


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## safarigirl

I have just found this thread that I started so long ago ..... It is interesting as now my daughter approaches her fifth birthday and questions around her birth abound; how babies come in the world start, i know I need to start thinking around this .... 
But once again, for all of those on this journey, it is the best journey i have ever made - I am still full of love for my daughter, she is still the exact child of my heart and we have a wonderful bond ....
good luck to all of you starting out on this journey .....


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## Ruth

Hey sweetie!

Lovely to hear how things are going! 5 years has gone in a flash!!

Hugs,

Ruth


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## roze

Indeed- 5 years have gone by quickly and I have had the pleasure in that time of meeting you!Hopefully we can do that again soon! Also might be having to tackle this sort of question soon so have started thinking about it all. Maybe we can have a chat sometime?

I love the bit what you said about if you could choose a child of your genes, you would choose her. I feel the same with my own daughters. They are most definitely ours!

love,

roze  xx


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