# some advice please



## sweet1 (Oct 5, 2008)

Hi,

I'm aware this is primarily a fertility forum so if this isn't the appropriate place to ask this then please let me know!

I've considered becoming a single mum by choice for a while but the truth is, I think I'm in no financial position to do it. The trouble is, it's not a situation I can see changing. I have a full time job, own my own flat (1 bedroom!) and have a mortgage to pay. If I could afford treatment, that would only be the start of it. I think I could cope if I still worked, and I could try and arrange some sort of childcare solution, but it's the beginning that terrifies me. My employers give the minimum required by law, i.e. six weeks at 90 per cent of salary, which I could afford, but then the rest of maternity leave - 33 weeks I think - is only payable at SMP level which is about 114 poundsper week, which doesn't even cover the mortgage let alone anything else.

I wondered, is there any support out there for single mums in this situation? I'm happy to go back to work but not after six weeks....the more I think about it the more I think, there's just no way I can ever do this and my only hope is to meet Mr Right (which I honestly don't see happening) or to resign myself to never being a mum, which is just heartbreaking to me.

As far as support goes, I've only really got my mum and she's not well, so I don't think I could live with her even temporarily, as I just don't think it would be fair. I feel at a crossroads and no matter which way I look at it nothing seems possible, and I think I might have to forget the whole thing.

Once again, I'm really sorry if this doesn't belong here, I guess all I am looking for is a little advice or for someone to point me in the right direction so my head can stop going round in circles.

Thank you x


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## ♥Jovial♥ (Feb 25, 2007)

Hi Jess,

You are not on your own hun, finances are one of my biggest concerns when it comes to going it alone, your post definately is in the right place!

There is a website called www.entitledto.co.uk - it will give you some idea of working tax credits and child tax credits, have a play with some numbers and see what info it gives you.  Depending on income we can get help with childcare costs when baby is here.

Likewise, I'll have to go back to work full time, but so do a lot of two parent families so trying not to be too hard on myself .... I would much rather be a stay at home mum  

Regarding maternity leave ...I'm guessing you have a mortgage - are you with a company that lets you take payment breaks?  That is how I am going to deal with maternity leave .... I will also get 90% for 6 weeks and then SMP.  I've felt like it is impossible for me at times but am determined to find a way to do this.

With regards to treatment, there probably won't be any financial help, but you can approach your GP and request for them to do your initial tests, it saves a little bit and every penny counts.  A few of us here have gone this route and got referred to an NHS clinic for initial investigations.

Hope you find a way to work it all out, if we are determined enough we will find a way, don't give up  
Take care,
Jovi x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I think we have all had a think about it, as we have to pay for treatment which runs into thousand and thousands, but you have to way up your situation and whrere your desires are, can you budget etc- have you looked at the financial credit thread or working thread for assistance- they dicuss working tax credits, benefits

Good Luck


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Jess, 

As Jovi says, this is something we have all had to try to figure out, and there are no easy answers. I am lucky enough to work for a company which offers full pay for 20 weeks maternity leave if you've been there 5+ yrs which I have (downside is I'm pretty much stuck in the job - which I don't love all that much - for now, in order to get the leave if I can ever actually get pregnant) - I know not everyone has such luxuries. 

It's never going to be easy going it alone, but there are ways. A mortgage holiday or perhaps paying interest only for a while is certainly something to look into. 

And although it may cost you something initially, have you thought about having a session with an independent financial advisor. You don't have to go into loads of detail, but you could explain that you are planning to have a baby in the next year or so, and that you will most likely be doing it on your own and get some guidance from them on the best way to plan for this financially. Might be worth the initial outlay. 

I think we had a thread on here at one point about financial issues and hints and tips on saving money - maybe have a little search for that too

Wishing you the best of luck. I say if you want it enough, you'll make it happen. Don't let money stand in your way

Suitcase
x


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## wizard (Nov 6, 2008)

Jess other people have come up with good ideas; I was going to suggest mortgage holiday or interest only as that's the one thing you won't get any help with.  The rest you will providing you don't have massive savings e.g. council tax etc.  

I personally wouldn't let a job, or finances stop me from being a parent.  I know it's hard but what kids need is nurturing, support and (unconditional) love.  No amount of money or lack of it can stop you giving that.  Yes money makes it easier to live and gives you and your kid(s) different choices sometimes.  But it doesn't bring happiness and is not what life is about (for me anyway).

So have a look around at the webisites and talk to you mortgage lender.  Going into debt to fund treatment is not easy and not recommended but if it's the only thing you can do and you have a plan for being able to pay it back at some point then it might be something you have to consider.  Remember that the money issue could be relatively shortlived in comparison to the joys and other things of having your own family.  

As an aside, I'm self-employed so would only get SMP from the outset.  But that's a minor challenge; I have to get pregnant and carry to term first!!  You may get a bit of a biased response on here though, as one way and for one reason or another we're all pretty determined to have a family!

Godd luck x


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Hello Jess 

I have just managed (I think) by, firstly, having my treatment abroad - couldn't afford it at all in this country. Secondly, I have played around with my mortgage - added some on and extended the mortgage period. Luckily I could do this. Bang went my long-term plans of an early retirement  

Im hoping that with the tax credits I will _just about_ be able to work part-time for a few years. It will be tough and possibly even a bit scary on ocasions but people cope and I shall too.

Ultimately I realised one day that I'd actually prefer to be on benefits in a council flat than not have a baby. And there's nothing so bad about that imo. If thats the worst that happens I can live with that 

Good Luck


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## sweet1 (Oct 5, 2008)

Thank you so much for all your replies and advice. I am determined to do this some way and I just need to keep calm and positive and work out a viable financial plan. I'll definitely look into the possibility of taking a mortgage break as well as the other forms of support - it's all I really want for the future so I'll keep trying, and if it never works out I can't say I haven't given it my best shot. This is just the beginning of a very long road and I have nothing but admiration for all you ladies going through the process.

Thank you once again x x


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## some1 (May 13, 2006)

Hello Jess

I am a bit late picking up this thread but wanted to suggest you have a look at the gingerbread website (gingerbread is a support organisation for lone parents).  They have some really helpful leaflets you can download outlining benefit entitlements and a telephone helpline for benefits information (0800 018 5026).  I have just been in touch with them and they were able to some very detailed financial calculations for me based on different return to work options. Gingerbread's website is www.gingerbread.org.uk

Jovigirl also mentioned work and child tax credits - as long as you earn less than £60k pa you will be entitled to something and you can start claiming them from the day your baby is born - I am already receiving mine.

A LadyL says worst case scenario you end up on benefits in a council flat - it may not even be as bad as that as lone parents who are out of work are entitled to claim help with mortgage interest payments through the 'support for mortgage interest' scheme.

Finances as a single parent are scary but definitely not impossible - I know that my little girl will always have a roof over head, food in her tummy and a mummy that loves her - all the rest is just detail!

some1

xx


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## going it alone (Feb 11, 2006)

I was lucky, treatment wise as mine was a cheap clinic and it worked first time. I saved up a fair bit before I started so my savings lasted for a short time. I now have an offset, interest only mortgage. I also considered extending my mortgage to pay for the early years, until thay start school and child care becomes less of an issue/expense. I don't spend as much on them as I'd like to but I figure that spending time withthem is more important than spending money on them.
I'm with LL and Some1, I'd rather live in rented accommodation, on housing benefit than consider not being a mummy (one way or the other)

Sam x
Best of luck


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## flying solo (Mar 27, 2009)

it is hard hun but if you want it you can make it work .im using the money from my divorce for treatment and staying in rented housing instead of using my money for a depoist ,but to me its more important to complete my family than owning my own house


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