# yet another friend pregnant



## kelle28uk

Just had news off a good friend of mine that she's 3 months preg she only started trying in Nov!! I am happy for her but it just reminds me yet again that she has somethin I want so bad and got it so easily I hate the fact I almost resent her but when's it my turn "(


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## moo84

Kelle28uk - i just wanted to send a   and let you know that you are not alone in this. Numerous friends have started ttc, got pg, and had their babies since we started ttc. 
One friend conceived within a week of stopping her pill - she managed to coincide telling me that she was pg on the first year anniversary of our being formally ttc, her baby boy was born last year. My best friend and a colleague are both due this August (wierdly on the same day as each other) and another friend has just announced her pg - an accident while she was still on the pill!!
None of this helps you, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I am genuinely pleased for other people when they get their wonderful news, and excited about being able to play a role in their baby's lives. BUT it does always make it even more evident that this is not happening for us as we'd like, and that's hard.

  hun, and wishing you lots of babydust   xx


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## Smithy2

Hi,

I know exactly how you feel, several of our friends have had their first and second children in the 4 years we have been trying, 

It is hard when you are going through this personal battle yet trying to be happy for someone else when they have got what you want.

I joined this site after my hubby suggested it, as I didn't have anyone else to talk to who understood our situation, and it has really helped.

Everyone is so friendly and supportive, and most important of all........ understands!

Sending you a big hug, hang in there


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## sonyab1983

Hi Kelle.

I know this feeling Hun my best friend announced it the day I found out about my consultation date (I was so excited to have a date as I've waited so long)

I couldn't even speak to her and still haven't she has her 12 week scan tomorrow. I've been trying for 10 years and there's her in 3 weeks. I'm happy for her but resentful like yourself.

I joined this group because I have no one to talk to I am the only one out of my friends who doesn't have children.   this group has helped me massively

Good luck and big hugs.


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## kelle28uk

Thank u so much to all of u of any of u ever wanna chat just msg me, its lovely on here cus we all understand what each of us are going thru
 to u.all xxx


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## Gandaacre141

Totally know how you feel. You try to smile. You try to sound genuine but inside you are dying all over again. Head tells you that them being pregnant does not stop you but heart feels as if they have 'stolen' your baby. Big hugs.


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## Bemy

Oh man it totally sucks doesn't it?!

DH and I have confided to our 2 closest couple friends (DH's bast friends from uni and their mrs') that we had been given really positive news from our consultation, that against all hope it may be possible for us to have a biological child. They knew it'd be a massive struggle as we're not entitled to NHS.

So almost 6 weeks to the day, we're invited over to one couples house as the others were coming over too. It was short notice and I'd felt crap all day so said I'd not go. DH went, came home 2 hours later acting a bit off. I asked why, he went on to tell me that both couples are pregnant. Got over shock and sadness and gave my very genuine  congratulations and have been ever since doing the polite baby questions - so that they don't feel uncomfortable around me as that is what everyone seems to turn it in to.

Last night we had them all over for tea, did the baby questions all fine, didn't feel emotional or envious. But when the other couple arrived (questions repeated etc) the 2 women sat in a corner and discussed all the things they could and couldn't eat at the up coming wedding and went through a list of all the other people who were also in 'the club' at the wedding and how the menu was totally pregnancy friendly. Nice one girls, thanks. Didn't even stop there it just turned into their whole forum of which rooms they were going to move kids into (baby no4 for one of em) etc.

Wasn't even p*#$d off, I was just numb and sad. I was terrified we'd get left out because we're not in the club and word for word they said it. Plus I'll be cycling while they have big baby bellies and I know I wouldn't be strong enough to be around them if I got a BFN. And yes both couples 'weren't properly trying' ffs! 

I don't begrudge anyone being happy about being pregnant, starting or increasing their family, its wonderful, natural and amazing. I just would like a tiny bit of compassion and consideration. Is it actually that much to ask?
But alas it's not meant to be and all seems part of the roller coaster of IF, even my wonderful mum who is a GP and easy to talk to just said, "sorry, I just don't get it, it was easy for me, we wanted a child, I came off the pill, I got pregnant." People just don't get it. Sucks big hairy ones. 

Sorry ranting a bit their, I think what I was trying to say is: you'll never get to the point where you'll be able to let it all roll off. Some days you'll be great at it with IF skin thicker than a rhino's other days (usually hormonal almost AF days) the simplest comment will hurt like a knife and you'll be crying uncontrollably. That is when talking on here is vital. We're all going or have been through it, someone is here to help and getting it off your chest is so much better for you.

Keep strong xxx


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## Tin-tin

Gandaacre141 said:


> You try to sound genuine but inside you are dying all over again. Head tells you that them being pregnant does not stop you but heart feels as if they have 'stolen' your baby.


I'm so glad you've said this because it's exactly how I feel! In my mind I had all my kids names picked out and one by one friends, family and acquaintances have given said names to their offspring. I know it's not their fault and I certainly don't own the names but it still makes me mad. 

As for not being 'in the club', I've come to terms with the fact that by the time we finally have kids our friends will have moved on to chatter about schools and teenage angst etc and we will never really be involved in their kid-related conversations.... but by then I suspect won't care so much anymore.


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## MrsA

Hi everyone,

So glad I read this post.  Knowing that so many of you feel the same way as me really helps.

I have two best friends, the three of us are very close, and they both announced that they are pregnant and due three days apart.

I was completely devastated, angry, emotional, envious, numb but at the same time genuinely happy for them both so I tried to balance my joy for them with my own feelings. That said, I just couldn't bear to see them for a few days until the announcements were over with and the congratulations died down.

I know it will hurt painfully when the babies are born and I'm scared of how I will cope.

x


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## Mrst83

My best friend told me she was pregnant just as we started ttc. My friend so thoughtfully named me auntie from day one and her now 4 year old makes as much fuss of me as I do her. She was caring and sensitive throughout her pregnancy towards me and I know she'd go through it all for me if she could. guess I really do have a good friend there x we met a few newly married couples who were also ttc on holiday last year they're all expecting this summer! Which is nice but some just take it as a given that it will just happen


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## MrsA

My friends both know that we have been struggling to conceive and have been sensitive about it.  I think they were both very nervous and upset to tell me, which made me feel awful as it's not their fault.

Naively when we were younger we all said we'd "make sure" we got pregnant at the same time so we could have maternity leave together and be with our babies and eat cake all day.  You really do not give it a second thought until you receive the devastating news that it won't be that easy for you.  Now they are living their dreams (and mine) without me.  Sorry that was very over-dramatic!

x


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## Ruffles79

Hi ladies I'm so glad I joined this site & red this post all my mates have babies & having more I feel really jealous of this I love them all dearly but it breaks my heart why me & my husband can't conceive none of them know that we have been thorough Ivf before & currently having icsi as I can't tell any1 what we are going thorough I just try & be brave & say yes one day we will have children  

      to each & every1 of you x


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## Bemy

It's so very painful isn't it? Sorry to hear that you feel you can't tell anyone but I uncderstand how difficult it is to share this with people who don't understand, people can be hurtful when they mean well if they know you're struggling. Why do you feel you can't tell anyone?

Hope you're successful this time honey. X


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## Ajbpepsi

Hi Everyone,

I am really glad to be reading your posts too as it really helps to not feel isolated on this journey. I also joined this site as more and more, I was feeling like I have less and less friends going down this journey as more and more of them get pregnant. Of course in my heart I am happy for them, but it doesn't take away my feelings of bitterness and jealousy.

  I really thought over time if I spent time with some of my friends and their children it might get easier to be round them, but actually it just gets worse. So now it is better for me not to see them all so much And keep in touch by phone and email. This helps me. It might be selfish but I believe that I Have a right to be selfish for myself and do what makes me feel better these days. They are still my good friends, and I know they will be there for me and support me through this and I know they try to understand. I guess they will never fully understand but I know they are trying.

The comments on here about baby names, I can so relate too as well. Last summer after a few drinks my friends ended up talking about what names they will call their second child. I could not handle this and had to run to the bathroom. Of course they realised they should not have been talking like this in front of me and apologised. But it makes me upset....they have the luxury to Be able to talk about what they will call their second child for one, of which I can't even manage to create my first child, and even when we do, I can't be discussing names until I know for sure it's going to be ok.....let along whether I want a girl or a boy, at this stage I wouldn't mind what we Had, just to have the privilege to have something would be enough for me....but people that get pregnant so quickly or with no problems at all don't realise any of this. 

Regarding not telling people about the fertility treatments you are going through.  I understand this too. It's very difficult to talk about.  For last 2.5 years I cold not talk to that many people, it was such a private thing for me. But in last 4 weeks, having just had a miscarriage, something clicked inside me and I have started opening up and being able to talk, this was what made me open up. I have to say that it has helped me now because the more people I talk to the more stories I hear, and although it doesn't always help to hear stories or people saying the wrong comments (just because they don't know what to say), somehow I have learnt from it all, which is a good thing, and I feel like I have more support from people I didn't even know we're going through this stuff....but like I said, I know it's so difficult to open up and you have to do it on your own time.

Anyway, sorry for the rant! But I totally get how you are all feeling.....fingers crossed for all of us very soon,

AJ xx


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## elli78

hi all 
just wanted to say reading this has made me realise that i'm not going completely mad,
I've been having a bit of a rough time recently. bfp announcements everywhere including a close friend one her second who got married a year after me and has one of those 'blessed' lives I seem to have missed out on.
completely agree about feeling happy for them but like they've stolen your baby. that's exactly how I've felt at times. when if ever will it be me. just recently I thought I was getting my head around the whole infertility thing, I've been promoted at work ad have focussed all my energy on that. - however all the pregnancy announcements seem to have knocked me back massively 
I feel so angry at times. and I've never been an angry person. in fact i'm the calm one in my marriage, DH has been brilliant but says I musn't let it eat me up and that i'm enough for him, but I feel like I've let him down and that my body has let me down. 
sorry to waffle but I feel like there's emotions bubbling under the surface the whole time and i'm too scared to let them out and have a good old cry in case I don't stop or in case I really do change into that bitter old woman I never thought i'd be,
best of luck to you all, thank you for posting your feelings o here - it really does help to know that as lonely as it feels i'm not alone. xxxxx


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## Mooncat

Really relate to all these posts - during our ttc journey all our siblings and almost all of our friends have had one or two babies. It doesn't get any easier. The only thing is, I find the feeling doesn't last forever - pregnant ladies and newborns are very difficult for me, but once the little ones get to a year old somehow it's less painful to see. 

And people don't understand. Even those who know our full history don't seem to make the link that other people falling pregnant two months after getting married might be hard for me and DH to swallow. 

It's one of the things I find the hardest and for me avoidance is the only thing that really helps. It is good to know that other people feel the same way, at least it means I'm not just a nasty, jealous cow! 

Good luck to everyone, keep smiling and muddling your way through, hopefully we'll get there in the end xxx


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## MariMar

Hi All,

Sounds like we all have the same stories... 

Couples who get pregnant almost by 'accident' (thought, let's be honest, if you've been on the pill for any length of time, you're over 30, you'd planned to have children at some point = almost always planned to an extent!). Too many people giving you well-meaning but misguided advice (eeeew - no more unsolicited sex position advice, please, and no more 'just relax and it'll happen'). FLOODS of people you know getting pregnant and putting masses of photos back-to-back on ********. Quiet, private chats between pregnant friends, and not getting invited to lunches or dinners or child-orientated days out 'because it was just a noisy baby lunch - you would have been bored!'. The huge cost of time and money spent on what turns into a 'project', when it seems to just happen for most other people.

Sometimes it feels like I'm being punished doubly - well beyond just the unexplained infertility! But I'm happy I know about this forum, and it's definitely comforting to know that many other women, of all different ages and health backgrounds, are going through something similar. I really hope we all get what we want ASAP, whatever we feel like our own 'right time' is!

xx


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## the_tempress89

hi ladies, 

its such a relief to be reading through all of your posts, even if they have set me off crying ( again) its almost as if each and every one of us has the same thoughts going around our heads over and over again. iv just made a post of my own about something im going through atm which relates to this a little. 
so ill leave my big rant for that one but it really is good to see some other people feeling how i feel. 

its horrible, all the announcements and the stories and the planning and all the lovely things people do when they get that wonderful news. and as some of you mentioned the cautiousness and avoidance some friends do to try and help us by not talking about their pregnancies or children can at times only leave us feeling worse than when they do discuss it. 

i only wish i had an answer, somethign we could all do to make things that bit easier but in truth im not sure there really is anything - at least nothing new that we dont already know of anyway. 

love and strength to all you wonderful ladies xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## sickofwaiting

Hi everyone

I just wanted to say I could have written all of these posts - I feel exactly the same!! I just went to Morocco for my sister in law's wedding and ordinarily it would have been something I would have loved and been really excited about, but I dreaded it for months, because there were 9 babies under 1 year old there! And we were all staying in the same hotel! On the last day of the holiday when there were about 15 of us left and we were literally the ONLY couple without a baby it was awful. Then this guy comes over and says to us 'Next time I see you both I want to see kids! that's if you're not too put off!!!!' Oh my god it was horrible I just literally grimaced and looked away and it was so awkward and then I had to go and cry in the toilet! It's so hard - I spent the last year being a hermit to protect myself from seeing babies, pregnant ladies but it's equally as depressing just sitting at home feeling miserable, you just can't win! And don't even get me started on scan pictures on ******** (from people younger than us who have only just got married...GRRRRRR) 

we're all in it together and we WILL have our beautiful babies soon, and you know what, we will never ever take it for granted.

Katherine x


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## Bemy

Oh Katherine that sounds absolutely awful! 

I hope you get some time away from babies for a bit. I have only just gone back on ******** but I usually delete it when I find myself getting upset by people's baby pictures. I'm feeling quite calm about it at the mo but I think that's because we're about a month away from starting treatment. I could be right back to square one though if it doesn't work.

But right now I'm feeling really thankful that others people's baby joy isn't making me feel so desperately upset. I'm enjoying it while it lasts. I hope you find a little bit of peace from this soon and I definitely recommend deleting ******** off your phone. It really saves your sanity. 

Hang in there sweetie. If you're near treatment I hope it goes brilliantly and that you get the illusive and wonderful BFP.

Take care.

Beth x


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## sickofwaiting

Hi Beth

Thanks for your reply. I too am a month away from treatment! Our first round - and hopefully last! We are having ICSI. I am a bit worried because we haven't done it before so not sure exactly what to expect but the clinic have been so lovely and they have good success rates and were v positive about our chances. Like you we also have male factor issues (low/borderline count and poor morphology). I know what you mean about feeling better, since our consultation last week I suddenly feel like a weight has been lifted and I don't feel so desperately sad or jealous. I too hope the feeling lasts...! I know what you mean about ********, I have blocked everyone who's pregnant or has a baby! 

Good luck with your treatment - is it your first one? Whereabouts do you live? 
Katherine x


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## sonyab1983

hi ladies..

I haven't posted on here for a long time but just want you to know your really not a lone. I've been trying for 10 years and watched all close friends have babies.

Hang in there and keep positive I had my first round of icsi in April and I'm so happy and proud to say I'm 7 weeks, I really didn't believe it would ever happen to me.

Good Luck to those having treatment soon.. xxx


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## rosebud_05_99

Hi there
I have been ttc for 18 yrs now, we have tried everything as u can see from my sig, but no joy for us, it saddens me to see others get to move on while im always left behind just seems so unfair and unjust, kids that were born when i sttarted ttc are getting pg now themselves yet i just cant face giving up yet, i think it would destroy me and dh, i also live with chronic back pain someday i wonder was i just put here to suffer,
Rosebud


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## elli78

Hi scribbles my sd has a vile mum too. Her eldest is 18 so his dad stopped paying csa. She joked to my dh that as she only gets his money now maybe she should have another baby...... argh give me strength xx


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## Bemy

Hey girls.

Sickofwaiting: yes it's our first attempt too and I'm having kittens as though my clinic are lovely this one nurse I'm supposed to speak to is either: not in, busy doing something or just left. It's annoying me a little as she is supposed to be sorting out my schedule and to be honest I don't know what's happening next. Going crazy on the minimal info. I wish you every blessing for your cycle.

Scribbles and elli78: grr to the ex wives/ mums of our step kids. Mine is also horrible, money grabbing and manipulative of my ss. Plus she's had 2 other children the last on DH's birthday. Grr. And to top it all off she sends DH messages saying how much ss wants us to have a baby when she knows exactly why we haven't got one as that's one of the big factors of their marriage break up.  Some people!

Hang in there girls and congratulations sonyab1983 xx


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## elli78

Hi all. So my good friend is expecting a girl. Already has a  boy. Dh isnt interested in hearing about it. She isnt telling me much as knows our situation which makes me feel worse. Hey ho i have 1 of each.... except they are dogs lol xx


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## MariMar

Even though you don't want everyone rubbing it in your face (I think I do have a few friends who can be a bit insensitive!), sometimes it feels worse when they tiptoe around you, because it makes it feel like it is indeed really happening - people really think you might not have children like most others... But they don't know, and doctors don't even know enough, otherwise infertility would completely stop being an issue, and forums like this wouldn't exist. Not that I want to be superstitious, or cling to random, passed-down stories, but you do hear about women going through procedure after treatment after test after procedure, to no avail, then all of a sudden, for no particular reason, likely once you've stopped wrapping yourself/your health in cotton wool, you get pregnant. But how to get to the point where you just 'relax and stop worrying', I don't know! 

*Elli78:* are you going to undergo another IUI, or IVF? Your signature says that you were thinking of doing something else in mid-2013...?

Good luck to all of us, and a massive shower of baby dust!


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## elli78

Hi marie. We are starting our second iui when af arrives....eek xxx


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## MariMar

Hooray, Elli! Fingers crossed for your IUI - maybe your system just needed the first IUI to get warmed up!

X


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## elli78

Hey marie thanku i hope so. Tbh im not sure how dh will cope if it doesnt work. How are things with u xxx


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## MariMar

FINGERS CROSSED FOR YOU, Elli, seriously. I only know (personally) two friends who had IUI - for one it worked on her 4th try (she really didn't want IVF), and the other had two unsuccessful rounds and then got naturally pregnant a few months after... It's exciting - you're taking action, being proactive and not waiting around, and you can't predict when these procedures might end up working... It's just been a while, so you're tired and stressed and having to deal with a lot of annoying external factors (ex-wife!). Best wishes to you!

I'm not feeling much like I'm taking anything into my own hands, unfortunately... Waiting for my last NHS gyno appointment, which as it'll have reached the 2-year mark, will hopefully be a referral to an NHS fertility specialist. End of August - I'm counting the days!

Good luck, Elli


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## In hope of a miracle

I understand this.. three years back two of my friend & relative were pregnant and we were also expecting after 5 years of TTC. We all were expecting around same time. But my pregnancy was very tough and after complete bed rest and progesterone shots we lost our baby girl during 30 weeks of pregnancy. It was devastating and after 20 days one friend had a daughter... we are still close to them and some time I keep on thinking my daughter would be of same age... 
The other so called relative gave birth to a boy after 2 months and I was their in the hospital with her. But that lady was super mean she keep on reminding me of my still birth and say that she get pregnant so easily... Why people can be so insensitive..


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## elli78

hi in hope 
sorry to hear your devastating story  - how heart breaking. its just not fair at all.  
i'm not sure if IUI will work i've heard mixed reviews but know someone who had two tries and fell both times.. 
as we're self funding its the cheaper option before we either give up and accept our marriage with dogs and no kids or blast a final try before i turn 40 on IVF. 
no one can seem to understnad the heartbreak unless they've been through it. 
i read somewhere else on here about feeling isolated and thought - yes that's me - certainly a different less outgoing person that 4 years ago.. but hey could be worse 

luck to all 
xxx


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## Mooncat

It's now five years since DH and I got married and started ttc. In that time, there have been 27 pregancy announcements from our wedding guests. (Why would anyone count? That can't be healthy thing to do, but there it is!) It should be wonderful to hear such exciting news from people you care about, but it's always overshadowed by my own sadness and frustration.

The latest announcement came last week, from a friend who collared me at a social gathering a few months back, to say she thought they were having problems conceiving, and she wanted to talk to me about it because of our problems. They'd been trying for 4 months at that point. I offered some general platitudes, that it was too soon to start worrying etc. A few weeks later she must've found out she was pregnant. Somehow that conversation has made this one especially hard for me to swallow. 

Mind you, after my first IVF didn't work, another friend said she knew a bit about what I was going through because she'd 'come off the pill three months ago and nothing yet'. I'm glad it was by text rather than face to face, because I was absolutely raging at this comparison!  I think it was a genuine attempt at empathy, but just showed such a fundemental lack of understanding. Again, two months later she was pregnant. 

People's general inability to empathise, even when they know the details, astounds me. Still, I'm lucky to have a couple of close friends, sister and mum, who get it, for the most part at least. And all of the lovely ladies on here of course! Sorry to hear all your struggles with IF and insensitive friends and family. You are all amazing xxx


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## elli78

Hi mooncat ohhhh ive had those conversations with people knowing what we are going thru after a cpuple of months of ttc. Frustrating doesnt even cover it. Im waiting for af to start my drugs and my boss isnt understanding. I somehow get the impression she thinks its wrong to intefer with nature... easy to say as she has two kids anyway ....
Latest announcement is my 17 year old second cousin.... mistake but keeping it was her mums words... ok then grrrr


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## leb84

On my first cycle ivf my sister was flashing her scan picture at me the day my injections started we had been trying 3 yrs then! Thought I give up after that cycle couldn't cope fell into depression prognosis was pretty ****!! We are just about to do a test in 5 days!! Really nervous but so far much better cycle so bit more hopeful. Been trying over 4 yrs friends all on 3rd even 4th kids its heart breaking your not alone on feeling jealous and angry ppl don't understand at all. We have 3 frozen so if non of this works think its game over its taken over way to much of our lives!!! X


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