# Newbie looking for someone to chat to: TTC 12 months, 26 yrs old



## Derbyshiregirl (Dec 3, 2012)

Hi,
I've joined this site in the hope that I will find someone to talk to who won't tell me 'it'll happen'.  No-one can predict that and I don't want false hope.  I just want to talk to someone who understands what I'm going through.

I'm 26 and have been ttc for a year now.  I've had a blood test which confirmed I'm ovulating and my hubby who is 32 went for semen analysis a week ago (waiting for results now).  We've tried temping and we've just starting using a clearblue fertility monitor this month.  We're also having reflexology treatments to try and relax about it all!

I know there are couples out there who have been waiting a lot longer than us, but I'd just like to know now whether there are issues and prepare myself that maybe it's not going to happen rather than keep waiting and building my hopes up every month.

I don't like talking to my hubby about this because he seems to be sick of me going on about it and he's happy to wait another year or so.  So I'm really hoping there is someone out there in a similar situation who I can talk to.  

My friends and family have either had children no problem or are way off that stage.  I'm not sure the NHS will be helpful either?  They keep saying 'just wait and see'.  They only sent hubby for test because we requested it.

Please get in touch.

Derbyshiregirl x


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## Sarah84 (Nov 27, 2012)

Hi Hunny,

Im new on here to, Iv been ttc now for 2 years where i have been charting, but came off my pill 4 years ago when i got married and nothing has ever happened, Its all i think about. All my friends have since got pregnant and had there babies, im still waiting!! im 28 and hubby is 34. 

I have had tests done, i have had blood tests on day 2 and day 21 which came back fine and and had the HSG test to check my tubes which was also fine. My hubby has done the sperm analisysis but has to go back to do another as results showed they were abit lazy. And they have sent me to go back to have another day 21 blood test which is tomorrow, hate giving blood :-( 

Sarah
x


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## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

Hi ladies,

I fully understand what you are going through Derbyshiregirl. Its very frustrating and hurtful when people say things like that, but a lot of people simply don't know what else to say and think that is being nice. 

We have been trying since 2007 so know that the _relax and it will happen/age on your side etc etc _ statements still hurt. Still just smile to the person then go hide and cry/scream in private.

Hubby is the same, he is bothered but not as much (if that makes sense?!)

Depending on where you are, the NHS is either amazing or useless  keeping pushing them and reminding them!!!

All my friends have young family, so i often feel i don't 'fit in' and have distanced myself from them. 

Sarah84, good luck with your blood test tomorrow.


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## Derbyshiregirl (Dec 3, 2012)

Hi ladies,

Thank you for your replies.  It's so nice to hear from you as I feel very alone.

Sarah: I can relate to you when you say it's all you think about.  How do you manage to distract yourself?  I just drive myself crazy thinking, especially during the 2ww where I go from feeling convinced I'm not pregnant, to allowing myself to feel a bit of hope for every day I don't get pregnant.  I think if I'm positive enough it will happen and then I just set myself up for a nasty disappointment every month!  Is that all they said to you about sperm analysis - they're a bit lazy?!  Doesn't sound very helpful, I hope you get a better idea of what's going on next test.  We've been told we have to wait 3 weeks for the results, which I think is ridiculous since they will have tested them on the same day he took the sample in!

Tara x


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## Derbyshiregirl (Dec 3, 2012)

Tazza: Just saw that you are on the waiting list for IVF.  That sounds agonizing, do you know how long you will have to wait and what kind of IVF you have to go for?

Tara x


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## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

Tara, 

In my area i wont hear anything until at least June 2015 for NHS  at which point i get an appointment to go for consult.  The consultants i have seen to date have refused any other forms of treatment eg clomid/gonal/IUI etc.  So i just have to wait or go private. Just feels that my dream is never gonna happen somedays.

Everything is ok with hubby its me that has the problem, but they dont seem interested in trying anything else first.


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## Derbyshiregirl (Dec 3, 2012)

Tazza, that's absolutely shocking to hear.  My heart goes out to you, I can't imagine how you must be feeling.  Do you have to be a certain age in your area or do you just have to wait a certain length of time regardless? x


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## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

Hi Tara, 

I meet all the criteria and just have to wait, i had been told they would put me on the list even if i didnt meet all the criteria, eg weight, as i would have a while to 'address the issue' as they put it.   Didnt realise it would be so long.  I find it pretty difficult as i know thats another 3 years of 'big announcements'  

Good things come to those who wait apparently


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## Lorlor (Nov 27, 2012)

Hi, just been reading your posts, it's been a long journey for me too, I'm 35 and been ttc for 3 years, after a very long drawn out process I finally have the operation I need next week, hang in there I know how hard all this is xxx


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

to FF, Derbyshiregirl!!! Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help you.

Oh yes, I have heard the "just relax and it will happen" so many times! Unless they have some sort of advanced doctors qualification where they can tell just by looking at you what exactly is wrong and what the chance of success is, then I don't want to know!!!  Sometimes all the tests are done and they can't find anything wrong, like in my case where we have been marked down as "unexplained". As technically there isn´t anything wrong we still get our hopes up each month. 

Here are a few links that I think might help you.

Trying To Conceive Naturally with Fertility / Health Issues ~  CLICK HERE They deal with monitoring temperature etc.

Acupuncture Reflexology & Chinese Medicine ~ CLICK HERE 

Coping With Infertility ~ CLICK HERE

Fertility Investigations - CLICK HERE

East/North Midlands ~ CLICK HERE

What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~   CLICK HERE

Our live chat room has a new member chat at 8pm on Wednesday. Here is our Chat Zone section which will give you info on other chats: CLICK HERE

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support, information and cyber hugs if you need it.

Good luck!            

Sue


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## Sarah84 (Nov 27, 2012)

Morning Ladies,

Blood tests are now complete I had one called a Viro to test for deseases, doctor said you need this before you can start ivf, so at least there will be no time wasted.

Tara, Its really hard to distract myself especially because all my friends and sister has babies 1 and under and all they do is talk baby talk and don't really want to go out. So I have to become the best Aunty hehe. Yes lazy sperms i was gutted when they said that, and hubby doesn't smoke and doesn't drink unless he goes out, but he has a stressfull work life. Hes going again on the 18th for a 2nd test to see if they are still the same.

Tazza, If you don't mind me asking what area are you to have to wait till 2015? Think i will be getting referred on the 7th Dec at my next appointment. I just want to get the ball rolling. We will all have our dream one day  

Sarah
x


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## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

Hi Sarah, 

Bet your glad your blood tests are done... for the moment  

Aberdeen Fertility Clinic. My referal has been sent in October for IVF but thats just how long the waiting list is, which is pretty scary


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## Rach_Honey (Oct 2, 2012)

Derbyshiregirl said:


> Hi,
> I've joined this site in the hope that I will find someone to talk to who won't tell me 'it'll happen'. No-one can predict that and I don't want false hope. I just want to talk to someone who understands what I'm going through.
> 
> I'm 26 and have been ttc for a year now. I've had a blood test which confirmed I'm ovulating and my hubby who is 32 went for semen analysis a week ago (waiting for results now). We've tried temping and we've just starting using a clearblue fertility monitor this month. We're also having reflexology treatments to try and relax about it all!
> ...


Hi there, I am also 26 and quite new to this site.

Although my situation is different to yours (i am going it alone after DH passed away this year) i can totally relate to hating hearing 'it will happen, give it time' arghhh!

Hubby was very poorly, but with every thumbs up from his doctors, we tried to conceieve naturally - it never worked.

In my area, the NHS has been quite helpful with me... although I had to push them a bit!... I first enquired at my doctors in August, and just yesterday i was told i could start treatment when i next come on my period after Xmas...

They were reluctant to give it me at first but i have been pushing every step of the way. Dont stop fighting for what you need xx


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## auntydanni (Nov 26, 2012)

Hi guys, 

I would also really like people to chat to who understand exactly what you are saying, as you can see we are at the beginning of our journey too and most of the threads here seem to be people who are already undergoing treatment and have others to chat to. Like you Derbyshire girl I am surrounded by people who have children/babies/pregnant and who keep telling me to relax and it willl happen! I am sad by our recent news but I suppose at least we know now that I could be relaxed to horizontal and it would have made no difference! If its any reassurance, the stats say 90% will conceive in 18 months so maybe next month will be your month   Have you read Zita West's book? I found the 1st book very helpful and interesting. 

Danielle
xx


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## Dani B (Nov 8, 2012)

Hiya girls. 

Hope you're all well. This site is great for a little chat when you need it and great for advice. 

I constantly find myself surrounded by people with babies too and it does my head in, but what can ya do!

It makes me sad to see some of you going it alone   very brave that is all I can say!! 

I had my top of waiting list appointment today and we got told the plan of action so roll on beginning of next year so we can finally start treatment  

Are any of you due to start IVF at roughly the same time?

xx


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## Sarah84 (Nov 27, 2012)

Hi Ladies,

Dani B- I'm good thanks. Congrats on your treatment plans for next year, bet you feel that there is a light at the end of the tunnel  

Fingers and toes crossed for you Hun. My next apt is on 7th Jan, in the mean time hubby has to have his sperm analsis re done which he is booked in on 18th dec, if results come back the same they have basically said we will be refereed for IVF. Which scares me I never thought imagined I would need this.

The Dr said it would be approx a 3 month wait, so id be looking to start treatment in April. Hope i get pregnant before then though.

Sarah
x


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## Dani B (Nov 8, 2012)

Hi Sarah.

Thank you   My consultant said I need to get my tubes removed early in the new year as this will increase chances of IVF working from 20% to 40%. So as soon as I get rid of them I can start treatment straight away after recovery so finally feel like I'm getting somewhere now. 

What will they tell you on your next appointment? Will it just be the results of your hubbys semen analysis? I hope you won't have to take the same route as me love, I shall keep my fingers crossed for you that you don't, but just remember there are lots of things they can do now to help you both get a baby if you need to take that route. Our doctors have been amazing, I'm dreading this next op, though I'm gonna try not to worry about it too much at the minute. 

xx


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## Sarah84 (Nov 27, 2012)

Danni B,

It will so be worth it if it doubles your chances, What us women have to do hey!! How long is recovery? It will be hard not to worry about it, I was sooo worried when I had my HSG test, but I kept thinking it wont be as bad as giving birth and we are doing all this to give birth hehe  

Yes his results, his first results came back that they weren't very active. And all my hormone blood tests have come back fine so there would be no point on putting me on drugs. We are lucky we both have good doctors. 

Sarah
x


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## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

Hi Ladies, 

Quick question for Dani B, did your consultant recommend removing your tubes or did you suggest that? My consultant refuses point blank to even consider the idea  Just stuck me on the 3 year long waiting list for IVF, no consideration to any other treatments either, feel pretty lost as all the doctors are covering for each other... or at least thats the way its feels.


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## Dani B (Nov 8, 2012)

Hiya girls.

Aww Sarah I really hope your hubby's test results come back better this time. Glad you have decent docs, puts your mind at ease that your in good hands. Crap what we have to go through you're right there!! It's good that all the tests you had done are fine, makes it easier to get to the route of the problem, but like I said love, hopefully his test results will come back better for you both this time. Keep everything fingers crossed for ya's   I think I'm only dreading the op because I hated having my LAP done last year and think it will be similar to that.

Hiya Taz, I can't believe you have to wait 3 years on your waiting list, that is awful!!   Which hospital are you with if you don't mind me asking? You poor lamb having to wait that long. We were quite lucky with our waiting list as it's only 12 weeks and now we are staying at the top of the list. It was my consultants idea to remove my tubes as they are filled with hydro, which is a toxic fluid that just keeps coming back after being drained, so the fluid would would just kill off any embryo's when they get transferred during treatment. My tubes are simply no use to me really love, and will half my chances of getting pregnant if I keep them. I'm 100% reliant on IVF after I get them removed. Have you asked your hospital while the waiting list is so long compared to others in the UK? I would ask them chick. It's really not fair on you having to wait that long. I've been pulling my hair out after 12 weeks so I dread to think how you feel.

Danielle xxxx


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## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

Hi Dani

Its with NHS Aberdeen.  If we went private we should be seen in approx 8-10 weeks.

My consultant refused to try anything other than referring me for IVF   i demanded a second opinion after being told about the length of time to wait.  After more contradictory information from the second consultant (who happens to be 'top dog' of department) he refuses to try anything else as having a damage/blocked tube would be detrimental to try anything else as it would be high risk for ectopic, but they would not perform surgery to remove it either    Was advised to either wait the 3 years for NHS treatment or pay but they wouldnt recommend 'wasting any money' as it was called by the consultant as my chances were very slim   

Neighbouring and larger pcts have a shorter waiting list, so its pretty confusing and hurtful.

Im stuck on a list just now where the clinic cant do anything with me since im on the unit's list, the unit cant touch me until my first appointment and to top it off my GP doesnt want to get involved in any of it either.


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## Dani B (Nov 8, 2012)

Oh that's just terrible!! It sounds like you'd be better off at another hospital. Would your doctor not allow you to transfer to a neighbouring (and better) one if you explained how you feel?

It sounds like they are just fobbing people off and not giving people a chance to become pregnant. 3 years is a ridiculous amount of time to wait, but the fact that they aren't doing anything to help you makes it worse. Doesn't help when women are older and have to wait 3 years either. They are supposed to be experts yet they won't do what's best for you. Are both your tubes blocked or just one? Sometimes they won't remove if they think you have a chance of getting pregnant with the remaining tube. 

I am so frustrated and angry for you love. Did they actually say your chances are very slim? I think it's wrong if they did as they should do whats best for you and give you a chance and you could prove them wrong.

xx


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## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

Hi, 

They cannot transfer me to another hospital, i would not be eligible for treatment.  

I keep reading and hearing about how amazing and wonderful etc etc they are but all i have had so far is an uphill battle, unfriendly and contractictory information left, right and centre  

The right ovary is 'of no use in fertility' according to the dr who performed the lap surgery i had in June and it is the right tube that has problems, namely being stuck to the uterus wall and they refuse to remove it. They think the left is ok, one dr says both are open and fine, the next says both useless.  

Yes my original consultant said it to us then within 5 minutes of entering the department we left, very confused and upset only to be called and asked t return to the department as they had forgotten to run some tests.    But reiterated that no point in going private as it is throwing away money. i wanted to scream and throttle her!!!  They dont seem to care about their patients, just their waiting lists and funding.


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## Dani B (Nov 8, 2012)

That is so unprofessional   They should be ashamed of themselves making you both feel like that. They are supposed to be there for help and support yet they make poor people like yourself feel upset. I'm disgusted!!

Could you not put a complaint in to somebody above them in the NHS? It might be worth doing.

xx


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