# gutted, really gutted



## claudia6662 (Aug 29, 2013)

Hi all, I just wanted to let you all know that we didn't get accepted to get onto stage two. Both me and dp are very upset about their descion and said it was down to DP's past with his ex wife. We both feel punished about this and have started an email to SW about how we feel. 

Thankyou girls for all your support over the last few months and i fully appreciate it, this isnt the end of my journey to be a mum and have a family with DP , ill be ringing some more agencies next week. 

Ill still come on here now and again , feel angry more than anything but what dosnt kill you makes you stronger .

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Claudia6662 so sorry to read this big hug


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## tinkerbell80 (Oct 15, 2013)

So sorry to hear this Claudia, is there any way you can ask for a reconsideration and they can disregard it, it could be a case of severe sour grapes and Jealousy on her part.

hugs don't give up at all 

Katie x


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Claudia so sorry to hear that. 
I hope you have better luck with a different agency. It doesn't sound right or fair at all. 

Very best wishes xx


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## mafergal (Jul 31, 2013)

Gutted for you Claudia!   I sincerely hope you will get some good news x


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## shell1975 (Apr 7, 2013)

Oh Claudia, I'm so sorry to read this. 

I've been waiting to hear whether we are able to proceed to stage 2, when I was in my teens I got into trouble for fighting 4 times over a period of 4 years and also took an overdose when I was 19 so I am very worried we will be refused due to this.

Try to keep positive and get that letter sent to your SW

Xxx


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

so sorry to read that 

did they actually _say_ it was down to the ex-partner? or are you assuming? only it wouldn't do you a lot of good to send an email complaining about something that is an assumption. i'd also recommend waiting to email until you've got over the shock. an over emotional email won't help at all at this stage.


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Claudia,

I am so, so sorry this has happened   

Stay strong and I am sure you will find the right agency for you and you will become the  mummy that you so desperately want to be


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

So sorry Claudia hope you and DH find a way forward with a new agency x x x


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Claudia I'm so very sorry to hear this news. Take care and I hope you hear better news soon xx


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## claudia6662 (Aug 29, 2013)

thanks guys , yes the SW  actually did say it was down to his past with his ex and how this could effect us and the child in the future which is totally wrong as the ex has nothing at all to do with us.  The desicion isnt based on us as a couple at all it is based on what happened in the past. I havent sent the email yet but will certainly be sending one over the weekend. 

I dont see how anyone can get through the system to be honest when it seems we are not good enough , all they see is writing on paper , they dont know the real you, what you have to overcome in your life to become a mum or dad. 

will be contacting the manager this week as been suggested by SW , clearly am not a happy bunny and people with children, they sure dont realise how lucky they actually are, rant over , sorry


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## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

Sorry to hear your news. Is there anyway or rectifying the position with the ex wife and children (sorry if I got the wrong person)?


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

Sorry to hear your news. Hope you get something sorted.


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## claudia6662 (Aug 29, 2013)

Hey all, the situation with the ex was she was very jekyll and hyde, using threatening behaviour and once or twice hit DP. But now the kids are grown up, the eldest has moved out and dosnt even live near his mum anymore, strangley enough he lives more closely to my mum. The second child is still at home and is an adult and the third child is at college. Dp has always stayed in contact with the kids and the ex certainly dosnt have anything to do with us now, its always been amicable .  So for them to say we cant get through to the next stage because of the past is baffling beyond words.  

I'm ringing the manager this week to discuss it all and we have been offered a meeting with him at the end of feb but i dont see how it would make any difference. Need to keep strong and focused!


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## kellyrocket75 (Feb 21, 2012)

So sorry to hear your news. If it's any consolation lots of eventual adopters get turned down only to go on to have wonderful families. In fact I doubt if me and my DH would have made it through to stage 2 of the new system. We were constantly put on hold and tested again and again. Try to see it as part of your process and just another hurdle to overcome. Good luck with your email. Go get 'em girl!


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## Cornish pixie (Jan 31, 2014)

Claudia, so sorry to hear this. Its awful how much an impact people from the past have, seems totally unfair for u to be turned down based on her behaviour, especially since you have no contact. Definately chase this further, ask to meet with manager and ask what more you can do to prove this person isn't in you life. Could you possibly consider moving further away and using another agency/LA Best of luck its so worth you persuing this   xx


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## artist_mum (Jun 19, 2012)

I just came upon this string - and just wanted to say I'm sorry for you that they have said this.  It seems so wrong to deny motherhood to you on the basis of somebody else's behaviour or children.  

Especially with all these kids out there who just want a mum and dad - and that's what you're offering!  How ridiculous.

I wish you lots of luck with another agency.  I know that round here nobody seems to get very far with the local authority and I have been told by successful adopters (friends of mine) to try the neighbouring counties if we decided to go for adoption.

Good luck xx


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## Hunibunni (Jan 18, 2009)

Hi Claudia I can't quite get my head around this decision. Let's hope common sense prevails and they are able to see that whatever has happened with the ex is the past and has stayed there.  Wish you luck xx


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## claudia6662 (Aug 29, 2013)

Thanks everyone for all your messages, i know im still dumfounded by this desicion , Im ringing the manager this week to get the full details of  why excatley we cant get onto stage two. Everyones been amazing and we are going to continue our journey on the adoption route, a little break then onto the next. 

It baffles me that we have to go through all of this and the slightest little thing bothers them and thats it. Onwards and upwards xxxx


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## somedaysoon (Mar 7, 2013)

So sorry to hear this. No wonder you're gutted.  It does seem like an odd decision. A couple of other people on these boards seem to have been turned down, then used a different agency and were approved. Really hope things work out for you x


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Claudia 

I hope you hear some good news soon xxxx


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Claudia, just wanted to say keep fighting and don't give up xx

My hubby and I worried so much about his ex, she has poisoned the kids against him and only ever contacts him if she wants money! They have been separated for 13yrs and we just hoped things would improve with time but to be honest things are worse now!  Our initial visit the SW who came told us if could be a major issue but the SW who did our home study was fantastic and after hours and hours of chatting with her during HS she assured us it wouldn't be a problem as she could see we were good people who always put the kids needs before our own.  The ex refused to meet with SW or comment on him at all which we were surprised about as we thought she would paint him as the worst dad in the world!  We thought this would stop us from being approved and yes the panel did ask about the situation but we received a unanimous yes so please don't be put off xx


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## claudia6662 (Aug 29, 2013)

Thanks crazyroychick, maybe the agency just couldnt be bothered to carry on with us, it took so long to get everything , then for us to turned down like that was just shocking. I cant understand how the ex can effect when we have absoutley no contact with her what so ever and the children are adult children now. Maybe it was just meant to be and perhaps the next agency will take us all the way.

Thanks for the advice though, im ringing the agency and my stomach is in knots already , and my head is going into over time x


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## pinklady5 (Feb 5, 2014)

I am so sorry for you and your partner Claudia, so unfair


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

How did you get on ringing the agency? X


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## claudia6662 (Aug 29, 2013)

Hey crazyroychick, it was DP that spoke to him and it was defintaley down to his previous past with his ex, im speaking to him next week and we have a meeting in march. We both feel like we have a fight on our hands to try and convince or persuade them in any way shape or form to let us get onto the next stage.

Im feeling abit more positive, all in all i hope we get somewhere , and if not it will be onto the next, thanks anyway for asking xxx


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