# TTC using DI anonymous donor - looking to get help guidance and friendship!



## Josie43 (Oct 22, 2010)

Dear all
Hello   
I am 43 and starting out on a journey to TTC using DI by anonymous donor
I know my journey ahead is long complex and possibly hard work but would be so much easier with people to chat to and share with and hopefully be guided by
I am pretty clueless (I feel) and know only a few things but feel it best of I just lauch in and say everything on my moind and them maybe I can get some suggestions thoughsts ideas from you wonderful folks...
1. I have an fsh of 3.7
2. i have never TTC before
3. I have no previous pregnancies
4. I have two sisters who have had sevral PGs between them so its possible
5. I have regualr periods
i was planning on tyring IUI first? maybe 3 rounds using LWC but its so expensive!
Is IUI a good idea (be open about why you give your view) I can handle truth,
is LWC the only DI place in LOndon? Can I use overseas frozen sperm and import?
What are people's views about donors from altruistci websites?
are over seas tratment centres open to UK folks -is that a route?
are there tests I should have to help me proceed (apart from fsh level)?

so sorry for the huge number of questions
thanks for reading (listening)
Josie


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## habuiah (Sep 2, 2010)

Hi josie43 and welcome, the ladies in here are a great source of support and understanding, this site has been a god send for me, you'll meet lots of ff in the same postion as yourself who will be able to answer your queries, hopefully 1 of the moderaters will be along shortly to show you you're way around this site i wish you the very best of luck on your journey. x


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## BobbyS (Sep 23, 2010)

Hi Josie

Welcome to the site! You are in safe hands - every fertility situation is addressed here and there is so much useful info, the people on here are very friendly as well  

There will be others who will be able to give you more info on your points below but I thought I would let you know our experience of donors. We looked into IUI first with LWC but thought it was expensive and they didn't get back to us when we were making enquiries which also put us off. We decided we would advertise for a donor on a website. I am so pleased we did as we have found a lovely man who is professional, trustworthy and reliable. He has successfully donated before and has excellent stats. When we met him for a chat before we decided to go ahead, he explained everything in great detail, we signed a donor agreement and he made us feel very comfortable. He is married with children so we feel confident that he wont be asking for access further down the line. If you advertise on these sites, you will get some dodgy replies but you can see who is genuine (if you need advice on screening people PM me  ) 

If you wanted to go for IUI, there are many clinics that offer this other than LWC so it is best to do some research into their stats and costs. IUI uses frozen sperm which only lives for 12 hours whereas fresh sperm lives for 3-5 days. But when using a private donor, you have to be sure of your ovulation dates whereas at a clinic they will monitor this so it leaves out the guess work. Also of course the clinic test the sperm for infections/genetic abnormalities etc Our donor provided us with his records/screening info from the clinic he was already donating at. 

If you need any more info on this let me know.

Good luck!!
Bobbyx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi Josie and welcome,

Two good places to post to get more information on ttc with a sperm donor are the single women's board: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=403.0
and the Lesbian/gay board: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=398.0

Lots of others there in your situation so you should be able to get plenty of advice.

In the meantime, my thoughts on your questions:

Is IUI a good idea (be open about why you give your view) I can handle truth -

_well, at 43 your chances of conceiving at all are relatively lower - fertility declines rapidly after 35, I'm sure you know this already but just wanted to set your expectations...of course women can and do get pregnant in their 40s but it won't be as easy as your 20s/30s and the risks of miscarriage and other complications (eg Downs) are also considerably higher. Results for IVF tx for women your age are very poor - around a 1% success rate and I suspect if you went for a consultation you would be advised to try Donor Eggs. It seems that chances of being successful are actually higher when conceiving naturally, so I would say IUI/donor insemination is probably your best bet. I'm sorry to sound so negative and as I say, women in their 40s *can and do* get pregnant with their own eggs, but the odds are, I'm afraid, against you_
_I would say give IUI a few attempts but be prepared for it to take a while and maybe in the meantime start to do some thinking and research around donor eggs so you are prepared for the potential issues if the need arises_

is LWC the only DI place in LOndon? Can I use overseas frozen sperm and import?

_LWC by no means the only clinic offering IUI/DI in London, but it is prob the one with the largest sperm bank and the most well known. Best option here is to ring round other clinics and check sperm availability and options to import. Importing to the UK can be complex as donors have to comply with UK regulations which are quite strict - this means your choices from sperm banks tend to be limited and some banks (eg European Sperm Bank) charge more (£1000 on top of the usual rates) for UK compliant donors. Some UK clinics don't accept imported sperm (they need a special licence for this) so best to check if you find a clinic you like_
_In London, prices will be pretty similar at all the clinics, you may be able to find cheaper tx outside London but if you are based in London then you need to weigh up the cost and logistic hassle of travelling to these clinics_
_A further option is DI/IUI abroad - in the Czech Republic it costs ca €200 plus €100 for sperm - so even with flight and accommodation this is sig cheaper than LWC. Several single women doing this/exploring this option now, check out this thread: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=248850.0_
What are people's views about donors from altruistci websites? _I can't comment on this as never explored it as an option. I felt more comfortable going via a clinic because then the legal side of things is completely clear and there are no potential issues down the line. However I think quite a few women on the Lesbian/Gay thread use donors from these websites, so maybe post there..._

are over seas tratment centres open to UK folks -is that a route?

_As mentioned above, yes, def an option. Czech Rep and Denmark are two to look into _

are there tests I should have to help me proceed (apart from fsh level)?

_Not really - hormone levels are just a guide anyway (I had 'perfect' levels and still failed to conceive after 3 IUI and 3 IVF with my own eggs). If you go through a clinic you will need to have some other tests done before you can start though - chlamydia, Hep B, HIV etc...think there is a list on the LWC website which tends to be the standard tests all clinics (including those overseas) require_

Wishing you the very best of luck with your journey
Suitcase
x


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## BobbyS (Sep 23, 2010)

Josie, if you live in or near London you might be interested in going to this which is on tomorrow:

http://www.alternativefamiliesshow.com/seminars.html

Bobbyx


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## fairywings (Feb 19, 2009)

and welcome to Fertility Friends Josie 

Well, the others have already given you some great info, so what i will do is leave you some other board links to help answer your questions  . Please have a good look around the boards, feel free to post in any area, and make yourself at home. Fertility Friends is such a huge support. There are many who are on their TTC journey, and others who have been fortunate to have little ones with assistance. You will soon discover that our members are very encouraging of one another and offering advice or just simple hugs. There's a vast amount of information here for everyone, so start reading, posting and getting to know others. You will make some great friends too (add them to your buddy list in your profile!), lots of members often have meet ups locally too, for chats, coffee, shopping or even nights out! You can share conversations with one another freely, simply because we all understand each other. It's hard when family and friends don't fully comprehend what this journey entails and the emotions that go with it. That's where we come in!

Here are some links which you should find really useful at the moment&#8230;&#8230;

*IUI ~*CLICK HERE

*Donor sperm/eggs ~ *CLICK HERE

*Single Women ~ *   CLICK HERE  

*Treatment Outside The UK ~ *  CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie day in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet one of our mods for support, meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area. It's a small world!

Wishing you lots of luck    and 

Keep in touch

Fairywings xx


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## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

Hi,
Before you try IUI you really should have a tube patency test like hycosy done. If your tubes are blocked it would be a waste of time and money to do IUI. Mine are blocked for no apparent reason. 
You also need checking for fibroids.

There are a whole bunch of screening tests needed before treatment starts and yes there is a list on the LWC website. Sometimes your GP or the sexual health clinic will do them all for you for free.

If you go to one of the LWC ''inseminars'' and book an initial consultation on the day, if they still do it, you get a discount.
When I started there in 2008, a normal initial consultation including nurse, doctor, ultrasound, counselling and lawyer was £295 reduced to £125.

AMH will also show ovarian reserve.
Unfortunately eggs age, so not only could there be an ovarian reserve problem there could be an aged egg problem - but trying is the only way to see what happens. An FSH level of 3.7 is good as long as your oestradiol on the same day is not elevated.

Mine is also 3.7 and I got a lot of eggs on my treatments.

BTW I have just got a second BFP out of 2 fresh donor sperm IVF/ICSI cycles at the LWC.  Hoping I do not miscarry this one.

I have always found them well reasonably organised and very friendly (you do have to keep on top of everything at any clinic yourself though). The clinic is really nice to go to and the staff are caring.
There is no waiting for a donor and there is a large choice.

A friend is using the Bridge Centre - there you buy a donor share so have enough for several treatments.

Really wish you good luck.


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## Josie43 (Oct 22, 2010)

thanks everyone for responding so quickly and so comprehensively. i feel already part of a special community and its so reassuring to see so many people here normalising our very varied journey.
lots of things i didnt understand...(i know my tubes are fine as started a process once briefly 2 years ago at lwc but legged it after the tests in a big scared tizz!)
i have some further brief questions that I havent yet resolved despite reading late into the night..
might i ask what is oestradiol ?
amh?
i read about overseas and wondered about it being a possibility (cheaper) (better qulaity sperm) and saw people talk about having a scan at 10days? what is this about and how does one do that?

thanks


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Josie - oestradiol is the other hormone you need to have measured at the same time as FSH. If you have low FSH but high oestradiol (I think I have this the right way round) then you may still have problems in that the oestradiol artificially lowers the FSH. So you just need to get both tested on days 1-3 ish of your cycle to make sure they are OK

AMH (Anti Mullerian Hormone I think it stands for..) is a test to measure your ovarian reserve. It gives an indication of how many eggs you have left. If you have very low AMH then you are unlikely to produce many eggs during IVF, although there are always success stories here on FF of people with low AMH conceiving...
Important to note it only measures quantity. There is, sadly, no test for egg QUALITY - which is often the biggest issue for us older women - there are some stats somewhere but I think it's something along the lines of over 40 at least 80% of your eggs are no good...so it becomes a bit of a 'hunt' for the good egg if you see what I mean!

Overseas - if you plan to have IUI or IVF overseas you will inevitably need to have at least one scan in the UK to see how many follicles you have, what size they are, how thick your lining is etc. This is so you can time your insemination or egg collection correctly. There are plenty of private clinics in London which will do these scans for you. I use The Birth Company on Harley St but there are others if you Google...and around the country too if you are not in London...

Hope this helps
Suitcase
x


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## Josie43 (Oct 22, 2010)

thanks suitcase..


on another note - to be honest having read the site I am feeling really very very despondent. I have taken a long time to get around to doing this (personal reasons) and am now finanly in a position to and it seems starting at 43 is heading into impossible territory. 1-2% chance? Thats devestating  . can anyone reassure me?


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## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

I think you would be better off discussing your individual chances of success with a consultant.
It is always worth a try.
Yes population statistics are correct, but there are a wide range of stats within any age group.

For my age I have a chance of a BFP per ET of under 20%. But from my history - high antral follicle count, low FSH, high response to drugs with good numbers of good grade embryos and spares suitable for freezing, the fact that I got pregnant in my first cycle - my clinic now rate my personal chances at 60%.
And so far they have been right - I had a failed FET and now a second fresh cycle and a second BFP, so out of 3 ET, 2BFP and that is 66%.

However, my first baby must have had a chromosomal abnormality because it died in utero - old eggs. However many eggs that you have there will be a higher chance of abnormality and miscarriage it is a question of finding one that is normal that is so hard.

The really good news is that how ever old your uterus, the success from donor eggs is the same as the age of the woman who donated them.
So even if there is little chance with your own eggs, there is a great chance when moving on to donor eggs.
Obviously this is a difficult step and one that you would have to have implications counselling for and decide whether it is right for you. There could be a lot of issues to solve with telling the child.

A much cheaper option still would be embryo adoption where there is effectively an egg donor and sperm donor, but the embryo has already been created.

Any child you would create from such treatments would be every much part of you and nurtured by you, and it is worth considering if the clinic rates your chances with own eggs very low.

Without trying treatment you will never know your own response.


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Yes I agree with Hazel - everyone is an individual and you may well be one of the lucky ones! I know I may havve come across as a little negative with the 1-2% success rates but I do believe in being honest and realistic - it's better to enter into this knowing that rather than finding out as a big shock along the way. And in my experience you will prob get the donor egg speech sooner rather than later from clinics and consultants so again it is better to be prepared for this.
None of which means you wont get pg with your own eggs but the fact is at 43 your chances are lower - but dont give up before you have started, there are plenty of options to explore yet   

very best of luck to you
Suitcase
x


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