# Newbie in need of "known donor" advice ...



## Ali K (Jul 25, 2008)

Hi - I'm new to the site and just finding out how it all works!  

I'm looking for any tips and advice you can give to me - I'm 40 and am TTC - feel very strongly that I want to know the father so have a good friend who I've been trying to conceive naturally with for 12 months - but no luck. Have had few tests on NHS after Dr referral - but as yet hospital think we are "a couple". (this was my Dr's advice) Have now been refereed to UCH for treatment. Not sure if I should explain our real situation or not ? We can continue to be a couple if it makes the process easier (we are ex partners anyway) 

I've read a few things on this site that seem to say if you use a known donor it is slow and expensive - can anyone explain more?  Also don't even know if UCH will treat a singleton - has anyone any experience of this clinic - and can anyone recommend any sympathetic clinics to us in the London / Herts/ Bucks area?

Sorry loads of questions but desperate for answers!!


----------



## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi Ali and welcome,

Suspect that there may be some legal implications to you having tx with a 'partner' but will leave the answers on that to someone with more expertise than me (JJ is really good on these sorts of questions and is doing exactly the same thing I believe. Nat G - our resident lawyer - is also good on these sorts of questions)

I think the reason using a known donor is slow and expensive when you go through a clinic is because they have to have all the tests done and their sperm quarantined for 6 mths then re-tested before it can be used. And you have to foot the bill for all this because the sperm is for your use only (whereas for those of us purchasing anon sperm from a clinic we are in effect sharing the cost if you see what I mean...)

As for single friendly clinics in London - LWC and Bridge are both very used to treating singles (I'm at LWC myself)....

Wishing you all the very best with next steps, I'm sure some of the other girls will be along with more helpful answers soon too...
Laura
x


----------



## suzie.b (Apr 25, 2007)

Hi Ali

Can't really add to what Laura said but just wanted to say that I used a known donor and pretended he was my partner at the clinic.  It was very easy but that was in the Czech Republic.  Here, the man has to sign a document to say he will take full responsibility for the child - I suspect it's financially responsible that is the main aim but may be wrong.  Anyway, it was going to be quite complex in England and was without any stress in Czech Rep.  Hope this helps.

love
Suzie
xxxxx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Ali I have pm'd you- but Natalie the FF lawyer would give you great legal advice

this thread might be worth reading
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=149710.0
L x


----------



## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

Sorry for slow pickup.  There are two main implications of being 'partners' rather than donor and recipient:

- If you are having treatment with sperm which is not partner sperm (and that includes known donor/ co-parent sperm), the HFEA requires your clinic to freeze and quarantine the sperm for 6 months before treating you.  Clearly that's going to put a temporary stopper on your treatment.

- If the clinic is treating your donor as your partner, he will have signed a different set of consent forms to those he would sign as a donor.  He will then be treated as the legal father of your child - which means full financial responsibility for him, and a right to get involved in your care of your child in the future.  This could be a really important issue long term, and if you are not intending to co-parent, you ought to think very carefully about your legal status as it may be safer for you to establish him as a donor so that you can be the sole parent of your child.

I hope that's useful.  If you want some more specific help and advice, feel free to email me.

Natalie
[email protected]
www.lesteraldridge.com


----------

