# Should I call it a day?



## always (Feb 9, 2007)

HI
Need someone to help me..

After having 3 ectopics, 2 miscarriages, then moving on to IVF because I have no tubes left, 2 attempts at FET and 4 attempts at full cycle IVF, the last of which has just started to fail (due to test tomorrow, but AF is already on way) is it time to finally accept that it is never going to happen?

At 34 all my friends and family around me are getting pregnant constantly and am struggling to cope with their news everytime. If we make the decision enough is enough will this help us cope in the long run.

I have grown up always wanting children and once upon a time lots of them....I love kids and I know we would make fab parents, but not sure if I can adopt of foster (my brother has adopted and it is tough)

Just do not know what to do, all I can do at the moment is cry.... just wish I could find out why this keeps happening to me, but there is never any answers ... "just pure bad luck" how unlucky can 2 people be?

Sorry for ranting just struggling to deal with this decision

xx


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## meerkatz (May 17, 2007)

Im sorry to read about what you are going throught right now  you have been through so much heartbreak.  

Wondering whether to stop treatment is such a personal thing, things are still very raw for you just now, give yourself some time to grieve.  It is so so difficult when people all around you are becoming pg, it always seems that it is so effortless for them, it awful   Let it all out just now, its better than keeping it in.  Do you have access to a good infertility counsellor?

Over the years I have had countless rounds of ivf treatment, a miscarriage, failed fet, a year ago I decided that enough is enough, I cant put my body, mental health, finances or my marriage through any more stress. I briefly considered adoption however knew that it wasnt for us as we wanted our own biological child.  A year on, all I can say is that my feelings of anger, envy, sadness are not as raw, have more good days than bad.  I still cannot deal with pg women or new borns, I tend to avoid young families, all part of the grieving process and self preservation; i dont think that the sadness of not being able to have a family will ever leave me and dh, but through time Im hoping that we will get there somehow......  I have had access to a good infertility counsellor which in some ways has helped to make a decision to move on.

Please be easy with yourself, feel free to pm me if I can be of any help

Big hugs 

Meerkatz xx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

What a long and difficult journey you have been on. No one can ever say you didn't try! And you are not alone, many of the women on these boards have been through similar - some successful in the end and some not. Only you can say when enough is enough - and all I can tell you is from my own experience. My last FET was a real eye-opener. The embie took but I had bleeding and there were scans and trauma right from the word go. As you have no doubt experienced, they put me on a complicated regime of tablets that I had to take at certain times of the day - it was mind boggling. It ended when no heartbeat was found at 7 weeks. Later, after the D&C, I was told it was partially molar (oh great!) and so opened another can of worry worms. But it made me realise what an emotional big deal it is to go through all these treatments. I thought 'How many times can I keep putting myself through this - mentally and physically?' There has to be a line, and for me that was it really. No more tx after that.

In terms of advice I'd give to you, I'd say that if you are feeling 'enough is enough' - go with it. Grieve and let out the sadness and then move on. You have to if you want to claim what is left of your life for YOU. I do sometimes wish I had 'got real' sooner and given up on the dream of IVF working for me. I am now looking to the future and making the best of what I do have. It takes time, though. It's not going to happen overnight. But what you focus your energy on grows - so start thinking about what makes you happy. Perhaps travelling? Perhaps an absorbing hobby. I'm not saying that this is going to clear up your yearnings just like that - but pursuing achievable interests will give you a sense of accomplishment and at least will be a distraction as you start to heal. Believe me there is a whole world out there for you - so much to do and see. There is a life without children. I know it now, and so will you in time.
Bernie xxx


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## Guest (Dec 10, 2008)

im going through exactly the same thing at the moment my last ivf 4 weeks ago didnt work this was after 6 yrs of trying 2iuis 3ivf 1fet and a naturall miscarrage life is so unfair 2 of my friends have just announced they are pregnant again and i just feel as im in limbo i dont know what to do with my life i only want 2 be a mum. dont feel like myself anymore , just the one who cant have children, the worst thing is there is nothing wrong with either of us the embryos just dont stay,, i feel like my heart is breaking.


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## kizzymouse (Jan 13, 2006)

tufty - " unexplained" is the worst isnt it? I could understand better if I had something wrong with me or DH did, life is so unfair  

  hugs to you all xx


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## Jackeen (Mar 22, 2007)

Hi Alwayswonderingwhy

I've been where you are and kept on trying, this time last year I was discharged from one private clinic as a poor responder, I was devastated but went for a second opinion and have had two further cycles, I got eggs and embryos on both cycles, I sadly MC a month ago.  I have now found out I have high NK cells.  I don't regret the fact that I kept trying, I want to do everthing I possibly can before I stop.  I'm 40 now and time is quickly running out.  I can't give up until the doctor's tell me to stop. 

I think you'll know when the time is right.  Good luck this is the hardest journey of your life!


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## mitch_ems (Dec 17, 2008)

I have to say that even though you might not appreciate it, you are incredible! To have have the strength and courage to go through what you have gone through and to keep on going and trying and all that involves is amazing.  

I agree with all the points that have been made about it being a personal choice - the choice to continue is so hard, but also so is the choice to stop.  When you get out of bed in the morning, and don't give yourself a chance to think, one day you will know. 

I am in the latter category and find myself grieving all over again. Either way you, reading your story, I have no doubt that you are strong enough for either...and certainly a source of strength for others.

I was so heartened to read the message about the fact that life holds so much - I totally agree with that although in my sadness often fail to feel it...I know it, but it just doesn't feel that way somehow. 

Lots of luck and love to you, particularly over the next few months. Give yourself the freedom to be. 

Emma x


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