# Need help with a really big decision!!



## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Right, come on you lot - you've helped me with so many things over the last couple of years, maybe you can help me with this one!! 

Ok, here is the dilemma.

I am in a job that i have been in since i was 18 (am in the Navy).  I have 3.5 years left until i effectively retire. (at 37, not 60!!  )

On retirement, i will get a lump sum and a pension of around £13,000 a year.  Obviously this is quite a good payout for doing nothing......  This will continue at the same rate until i am 60, when it will then go up with inflation/index linked etc.

So what could the dilemma possibly be? sounds fab, right?

Well, I loathe, hate and detest what i am doing and am miserable day to day, and barely see Mollie during the week as i have to work full time.  I also run a small business with my sister, that with some effort and time could potentially be quite big.  I intend to work on it when i do leave, but would obviously have the safety net of my pension.

The question is, do i chuck in what i am doing, thereby being happier, no risk of being sent to a warzone, and spend more time with Mollie while she is small, but throw away the security of a pension (which i would get only when i am 60 if i leave now) and build a business that could -potentially- earn me more than i do now, or do the 'sensible' thing, and stay the 3 1/2 years, by which time, some of the business opportunities we currently have could have passed us by?  

My sensible head is telling me to stick it out, but my heart is saying take a risk, enjoy your daughter and do something you enjoy!

What would you do?


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## ♥emmyloupink♥ (Mar 21, 2005)

wow ! thats a tricky one..oh poor you 
is there any opportunity to work part time?that maybe a solution?
your daughter will only be 4 when you retire so thats brilliant,many mothers inc me  
have to work all through their kiddies lives so try and think of it as a positive thing..
i do understand tho that 3 .5 years is a long time if your miserable.. 
i would say stick it out though think of all the free time and extra money you will have to enjoy  Mollie as she grows xxxxx


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Hi hun - that's what my sensible head keeps saying.  Unfortunately there is no option to work part time - that would be a good solution for me.  

One of the other issues is that the job i am in now is only definite until next May, so i will then have just over 2 years of another job.  That could be anything - and all the options are worse than what i am doing now!  Also, the further i go the greater the likelihood of being deployed to iraq or afganistan becomes - and i would be sent for 6m.

I know what i want to do but the thought of actually doing it is too scary!!!


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

Hiya Sally,  for having to make such a decision hun.
Either way there may be regrets, ie 3.5 years down the line thinking i couldve had my pension sorted, or later on than that wishing you'd watched Molly grow up in the early days...... so yep tough one. 
I know which way i'd go, and thats what i've done (totally different circumstances job wise tho) I gave up my job and intend to find another p/t job when LO is at school. I dont want to miss anything, more so because this'll be our last shot at being parents. We manage to get by financially. DH earns an ok wage. If i went back to work now then after the child care costs and travel expenses i'd be wasting my time even going out the door. Lis doesnt want for anything at all. She'll never go without though. 
What does your dh think? And tbh the business with your sister... well you sound quite excited about it. Work around Mollie too. I'd jack it in. Good luck with whatever you decide hun


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## lou29 (Dec 5, 2006)

Probably not what you want to hear but i'd stick it out. Can you reconsider if they try to send you abroad? Maybe do that. But the thought of having a pension in 3.5 years and not having to worry after that would be too tempting for me.  Sorry...
Lou.


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

I know that this is the sensible thing to do!!  However, my sister and i are running a fairly succesful business (well she is doing it at the mo as she is doing it full time) but some doors could close if we leave it that long to expand...... but if we expand i could be very comfortable ina few years...

Aarghgh - sensible head thinks i'm ridiculous for even considering it!

The problem with waiting until they send me somewhere until i leave is that a) i have to give 12 months notice so would still have to go and b) i will be even closer to pension date so will make it even harder!

My Best friend is a real free spirit type and to her it's a no brainer - she can't believe i am still here frankly!

I know i will probably do the sensible thing.....

would anyone do different?


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## NuttyJo (Jun 29, 2007)

I just wanted to say... you cant get that time back with your little one and you struggled like many of us to get her so i dont think theres a choice! I would do what your heart says and ignore your sensible head


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## ♥sparklequeen♥ (Feb 6, 2007)

*Why not start a poll? 

I have to say that i think im very sensible , but i think that i would choose to leave the navy and make a good go of the business with your sister and enjoy time with Mollie.

You've said yourself that you could earn more this way than have the security of a pension. However, i dont know anything about your financial situation and if it would be a big struggle on DH's wage if it took a while for this other business to get going then i might re-think.

Actually, i wouldnt!  Sorry, that was a quick decision! I think you need to follow your heart, not your head and be happy. Financial security is not the be all and end all and so long as your DH has a secure job i think you should pack the navy in! I cant begin to imagine what it must be like to not know if you will have to go away.

Good luck hun!

Sparkles xx *


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## FairyDust2012 (Jun 5, 2007)

hi 
im usually level headed and i like stabilty but i would go for leaving the navy cos it isnt something u want anymore and the only real thing keeping u there is the stability and security  which is a wondeful thing but ur not happy and its better u are for ur sake and ur LO..it sounds like the business with sis is a good one and something u enjoy..so i would say GO FOR IT!

and all there is left to say is GOOD LUCK AND ALL THE BEST xxxxxxx


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## Lorna (Apr 8, 2004)

The logical way of doing it is to write down the pros and cons of each choice, and rationally way up each choice, to come to a better decision.

On the other hand, if you, really,  really can't make up my mind, someone once said to me "flip a coin".  If you have to flip it 10 times to come to the right answer, you know what the right answer is.

Sorry, not much help

Lorna


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## S4rah (Nov 10, 2003)

Hi Sally

What a decision!  I always find it hard to leave what I am used to and try something new so I know that I would probably stick with it.  However, the way you talk about it, The Navy, the business with your sister and of course your beautiful Mollie, I think you should go for it.  You sound so excited about it and I'm sure it would be a huge success for you.  I think you know what you really want to do, you just need enough people to tell you to go for....be brave and make the jump

wishing you lots of love

xx


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## cleg (Jun 27, 2006)

sallywags i too dont envy the decision making you have facing you, i am not in your position so cant really comment but i would like to think that when it comes down to it you have some security behind you, i aint suggesting that you stick at what your doing, if you are unhappy i can understand why you want out, there are as you say other matters to take into account to like the possibility of you being sent to a war zone, in this instant you have to think about your priorities which are 1st + foremost your family, you know looking at it its not as if you are coming out to nothing, you have a beautiful daughter there + a business which sounds like it has great potential, talk things through with your loved ones hunny, the option of going with your heart is still a sensible one  which could (well more than likely) turn out extremely well for you hunny

goodluck with whatever you decide, i have a feeling you have already made your choice deep down you just may not have realised yet 

xxx


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## endometriosislass (Apr 10, 2006)

hiya

What a choice to have to make

My point of view is....Going ahead with the business with ur sister and spending LOTS more time with mollie.

Goodluck with ur desicion hunnie


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

can you not go part time with the navy- improving working lives etc etc- and then spend time with your LO and your own business. I guess you also have to weigh up the future for your child and financial security

L x


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## ~ Chux ~ (Apr 8, 2003)

I would quit, ASAP!!! The money would be nice but it's only £13k per year and, if it's going to stay at that amount for the next 20+ years, it's not really worth as much as you think. Mollie OTOH is growing fast and yes, she'll only be 4 when you retire, but she'll be about to start school and then you'll get to see her in the morning when you're rushing around tearing your hair out trying to get ready, then after school when she's tired and crabby!

Put it this way, when you're 80 and looking back on your life, what are you going to regret more - working whilst Mollie was young or not getting a few extra pounds??

Give it up, you know you want to - money isn't everything and if it means you have to cut back on a few luxuries then so be it!

Chux xx


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## pobby (Jun 2, 2005)

Hiya,
I would leave the navy too! life is too short for regrets hun...o.k financialy etc it may be "safer" but if it makes you miserable and you dont get to see your baby enough then I would get out...
surely the fact that you have been in the navy for so long they cant withdraw all your pension? you must be entitled to something? could you invest in a small property in order to compensate for the pension?
good luck!
pobby x


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Hi Hun  for the tough decsion, Obviously we none of us can make it for you, and the replies here have been wonderful in respecting that,

Personally My advice would be Follow your heart, 
the job is making you unhappy, and its not going to Improve, in fact it could get much worse, you have a back up plan in place ( ie the buisness) so its not a leap of complete faith, what does your DH & sister say as they know you best 

 with whatever you decide


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

OMG - i haven't checked this since yesterday afternoon - i can't believe how many of you have commented!  Your comments are all so lovely that i have just had to bite my tongue so i don't cry in the office!!!

I so need to do this - but it is just so scary to throw away that kind of security.

funnily enough i had almost resigned myself to staying by this morning - and you lot have churned me up again!!! 

I did find out yesterday that there may be a way to ensure i don't have to go away, which obviously would make it easier to stay, but i still hate my job!!

My sister and i are going to write a business plan to see if it is feasible.

On the part time thing - that would be perfect, but unfortunately the Navy aren't quite that advanced yet!!  (i do know one person who did it, but god knows how)

Also someone suggested getting a property - that is what i was planning to do with my gratuity, which if i leave obviously wouldn't exist!! it is something we would do though.

Thank you all for your wonderful support - i am going to show this to dh!


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## Young D (Oct 17, 2005)

If it were me sally, I'd have to say I would quit the job. These are the best days of your life when Molly is small and you won't see them again so say bye bye to the securiity and go WALKING BACK TO HAPPINESS, WHOPA HO YEAH YEAH!  Theres are always ways of making money be it with the business or get another job etc if the navy makes you miserable sod it. Life isnt a dress rehersal. 

Good luck no matter what you decide.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## JLEA (Jun 8, 2006)

Hi Sally

I just wanted to add that if you find you do have to stick it out with the navy, then be assured that Mollie will need you just as much as she grows and in my experience with my DD (almost 11 now), she wants me more now than ever!  She's at an age where she wants to do girly stuff and likes to spent lots of time with me and ask me lots of 'growing up' questions  

So if you do stick it out, you'll then have the security of maybe only working part time or not at all and have lots of time to spend with Mollie as she grows into a young lady.  I worked all hours when DD was small as I was a single mum, I still work now but not as much as its nice being able to collect her from school and take her for a hot chocolate, listen to how her day went and who is going out with who at school  

I hope it all works out for you xx


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## Young D (Oct 17, 2005)

jayne02 said:


> its nice being able to collect her from school and take her for a hot chocolate, listen to how her day went and who is going out with who at school


that sounds lovely. I can't wait to do stuff like that with Lomond. xxx


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Yes, it sounds great, doesn't it?

This is the dilemma really, i'm more likely to be able to do more of that with a more secure future....


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Quick update - i had to write the front sheet of my report today - it's about what your career aspirations are and requests for future jobs (given that we change jobs ever 2 years).

What can i put?!?!  I don't want to burn my bridges just in case, but I am a rubbish liar and i don't want any more jobs!!!   I need to have it finished by tomorrow so my boss can see it!


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

ok 

Write two "drafts" here

One with what your heart says and one with what your head says

you can leave out any confidential/identiyfing Info just put ****** 

 I believe in fate hun and what will be will be anyway (((hug)))

~Dizzi~


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## Young D (Oct 17, 2005)

Or you could say how you'd love to be part time and it would help you focus more on your work and family ... thus making you much happier   whaddya think?


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## flamingo (Aug 3, 2005)

Hi Sal

Couldn't read and run.  Been where you are and wouldn't question it any longer.

I'd give up the navy and go for it in all the other areas of your life.

Why waste 3.5 years in a job you're unhappy in - that's a long time.  Time's precious.

I'd hate you to think "if only I'd.............." about the time with Mollie and the potentials of the business with sis.

Good luck

Flammie
xxx


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Flammie - thanks hun.

I have made my decision, but i'm not quite sure if i am brave enough to do it!!  DH is a bit more pragmatic - and possibly cautious, so i'm worried about going for it as it is their futures (financially) as well as mine.

Frankly I'd rather be happy than rich... and potentially i could end up earning more than i am now.

I'll keep you posted on what i decide to do when i do it!


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

sallywags said:


> Frankly I'd rather be happy than rich... and potentially i could end up earning more than i am now.


I think that you have just summed up exactly what your decision ought to be in that sentence.

FWIW, I have just jacked in my job, with no real plans for future (yet) and with just the sole purpose of "doing something better". I don't know what that is yet, or what it looks like, but I knew nothign woudl scare me into making a move if I didn't hand my notice in. Tomorrow is my last day....eeek! Very scary but I have faith that things always turn out ok one way or another.

Good luck making the right decision for you. 

C~x


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Did you make a firm descion 

~Dizzi~


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Hmmm, no i think i'm procrastinating now....

I just keep thinking how short a time it is in reality (even if it feels like a long time because i hate what i'm doing...)

i don't know if i will ever make the decision - i'll probalby just keeping 'umming and ahing' until time runs out!!!

I think i've just stopped thinking about it for the time being as it was stressing me out.

I have a meeting with my appointer in a few weeks, and i think one of the deciding factors is what job i am likely to be going to next year.  there is one job that i could deal with for my last 2 years, but anything else would be too stressful.  If i get the one i want, i would consider staying.

i wish i could wave a magic wand and see what would happen in both instances to help me decide!! (my sister calls it 'Sliding Doors Syndrome'!!)


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

((hug)) 

Sorry for briniging it up again, things will work out right in the end - whatever you do now.

~Dizzi~


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

That's ok hun - no need for apologies! 

I spend most of the day pondering over it...

I suppose i think how unbelievably quickly the last 2 years have gone, so if you take me 2 years forwards, i will be in the sort of 'count down' zone anyway! (and if i am lucky enough to get another miracle with tx, that will take me out for almost a year anyway! we can hope, can't we! )


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

We sure can!


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Just been reading your ticker, when do you go abroad for DE?


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

when I fill in some forms that Ive had for a month or more   and get on the waiting list, 

May even do it today seeing as I have time  . . .


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Ooh exciting!

i'm rubbish with paperwork - luckily dh gets sick of the pile that grows int he kitchen every few weeks and does it all!


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## CM01 (Jan 4, 2006)

Hi Sally,

I don't envy you this dilemma, but I thought I'd chuck in my two-pennorth   I've got longer to go before I retire, but I'll still be young & I have lots of plans for my lump sum.  Frankly, although I enjoy my job, since having children my priorities have totally changed, and the only thing that keeps me there now is the great pension.  3 years really isn't a long time, and if I was in your situation I would stick it out.

Best of luck with whatever you decide,
xx Clare


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

I know that's what i should do - and it seems to be getting shorter all the time.  It is less time left than it was since i started IF treatment (if that makes sense!!) and that seems like yesterday....

I'm hoping i get the job that i want for my last 2 years - which is a job i think I could tolerate (enjoy?! possibly not when there are other things i would rather be doing!!) so it wouldn't be too torturous...


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## CM01 (Jan 4, 2006)

fingers crossed you get the posting you want, hun.


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Sally

i can understand your situation- my DH is ex navy and when he left it was 18m notice- he did 9yrs in the end and i know if he had stayed to the 12yr mark he would still be in now, my BIL is still in and has 2yrs this dec until he has done his 22yrs (he joined at 16 however it doesnt count til 1 and he has been sick of his job (navy life in a way) for a few yrs mainly due to having 2 children however he like you is looking at the lump sum and the pension

Can i ask what your job is? (my dh was a stoker and BIL is a PO stoker)

personally i would stay in however thats purely as i think the security you will get from your lump sum and pension is great however like you say money isnt everything.

Are you planning any more tx/ttc as just thinking that if you got preg this would give you 9m preg and 9m off work so no deployment

xxx


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

It wouldn't make any difference - actually it would be better for them for me to leave early as it will save them thousands!!

I keep going from definitely deciding to do one thing, to definitely deciding to do another!!


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## Mish3434 (Dec 14, 2004)

Hi Sally,

Sorry I only found just found your post and hope you don't mind me offering you my opinion 

We are in a very similar situation I'm due to leave the RAF in Jul 2011 and have been going over and over in my head the reasons for returning to duty after my Mat leave finishes in Jun.  I have spent many an hour thinking through the pros and cons for myself, my DH, my DD and DS and how any decision I make will effect us all.  Also like you I HATE my current job and have found my trade has moved dramatically in the last few years and its not the area I wanted to go down but had no choice to go with the changes  .  

However I have decided to stay with it and complete my 3 years (22 yrs engagement) to obtain my lump sum and pension and these are MY reasons

The lump sum I will receive will leave us mortgage free

Being mortgage free and having the pension will enable me to "retire" until both DD and DS are in secondary school enabling me to be there before and after school and during the school holidays.  DD starts school Sep 10 and DS Sep 12. 

The money I currently earn would be difficult for me to obtain in Civvy street unless I again take on a full career and I feel that would probably mean me working longer hours than I currently do and would leave me with even less time to spend with my Babies

Whilst I totally agree that money isn't everything, I feel it helps when you have bills to pay to have the extra security that the my pension will bring 

I also believe the duties I have performed and the rubbish I have already put up with during my 19 years service to date entitles me to take my lump sum and enjoy my pension rights  

Yes Iraq/Afgan/Falks etc are a possiblity, however I will face that bridge if and when it becomes a reality.  Also with only 3 years remaining and the fact I only returned from a tour in Iraq before my succesful IVF with DD I'm hoping that this has me at the bottom or in the middle of the list for a tour away from home.

The other reason I have to stay is the fact the 19 years I have done so far have gone so quick, the last 3 years will be done before I know it

The decision can only be made by yourself and you must be sure in your own mind before clicking on that button on JPA.  I made my decision for me and my family and could not possibly know what is best for you and your family, I just wanted to share the dilemma I faced with you.  Who knows come Jun when I don the "blue suit" again I may have a rethink  

Good luck in whatever you decide

Shelley x


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Shelley, hi hun - thanks for the PM  

I know you are righ t- and i am now down to just over 3 years.... officially it is 3 years and 5 months, but with resettlement etc I will be gone in just over 3.  I know it's not long.... 

i sat and re-read my zita west book last night and it has motivated me a little to sort my diet out to try and regulate my hormones a bit. if i've got a hope in hell of another miracle i need to take a bit better care of myself - and that will give me some more time out of the job too!

thank you for all your replies ladies - what will be will be!


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