# any TTC teachers out there can help me? - trouble coping



## Bahhumbug

Hi there

I am new to this so please be gentle!

I am having a really hard time coping with TTC and being a (secondary) teacher.  We have been trying for nearly 3 years and are facing yet another Christmas without a longed-for family, with all and sundry being pregnant around us, and, with Christmas on the horizon, being bombarded with happy family scenes everywhere.  I'm sure it's not just me that reads a million things into these things - just putting the tree up last night I found it hard to hide my 'I wish I was doing this with a little person' face.

What makes it especially hard, at least for me, is my job.  You will know only too well the stresses and strains of being a teacher - and I'm sure it's getting worse - but I am finding it increasingly hard to 'care' about my classes.  I am a good teacher and work very hard; perhaps this is part of the problem.  My husband is a teacher too which does help with our understanding each other, but when weekends are full of work and everyone else seems to be Christmas shopping with their small people around I feel like life is passing me by.  

We have one chance of IVF where we live, which will be in the new year.  The not knowing is a killer but we are steeling ourselves for bad news as we feel that's the only way for any sanity.  There's a baby due in my close family in the next few weeks and it has not brought out the best in me, although I've managed to bite my tongue!  I hate being this bitter person.

After spending all weekend in tears it is so hard to stand in front of a class, whether they are my nicest or my worst! and not go to pieces.  A few people at work know and are very supportive.  I have counselling sessions coming up and have had to take time off for the hospital appts we've had so far (on Chlomid for 6+ months now).  The 'funny' thing is I'm sure people think I'm pregnant and the doc appts are for that - oh, the irony!

My question is, how do YOU cope with being around children all day and having your womb ache for want of your own child?

Thanks for reading and I hope this finds you warm and with a cup of tea somewhere


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## cookson17

Hello!

I am a teacher as well and it is so so so hard. We have been trying for 3.5 years and it hasn't got any easier.

I also teach secondary.

I am not sure how it ever gets easier. I just try to cope by thinking it will surely be my turn at some point


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## Musicwife

Yep, me too. But I teach primary. My hubby is a secondary teacher. It is really, really hard. Especially when there are some children who you know just need a bit of love and their parents don't give them what they need.

A rumour starting spreading about me being pregnant too because of the appointments. I overheard a hushed 'is she?' Conversation in the staff room. I ended up just being totally honest and telling the table full of people what was going on - it was either that or I was going to go insane!

My biggest concern is that teaching is more stressful than I've ever known it and I'm worried my stress levels and the hours I work are limiting our chances of conceiving. I'm not sure I'm coping at all well, but I know that whatever happens I have to be the best I can be for the kids I teach so I get up each day, go to work and smile through it! Some days are more successful than others! Xxx


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## dolphin162

Hi there,

I studied Kindergarten Teaching age 0 - 6 in Germany and I am working as a full time Nanny here and it has been very hard at times   I work with newborns up to age 5 here. My current little girl that I look after up to 45 hrs per week has just turned 3. I have been with her since she was 7 months old and I love her to bits. I sometimes treat her like she was my own and feel sad when I don't see her for a few weeks. Every time I finish a contract with a family I just cry for ages as I get very attached to those little ones. Sometimes I am sad when I drive home at night and those little ones aren't in the car with me.
My partner and I are getting our IVF start date next week and we get 2 attempts. Our problem is that I have blocked fallopian tubes and Endometriosis so the only way we can ever have a baby is with IVF unless some miracle happens.
We have wanted a baby for the past 3 years and hope the IVF will work. I have no idea what I would do if it doesn't work as I feel like my heart will break forever if it I can't have a baby of my own. No idea if I would need a completely different job?
I am currently doing a part time University Course in Nutrition so just in case the IVF attempts don't work at least I can focus on a new career opportunity?
It is sooo hard going through this for anyone but it feels even worse when you are constantly reminded of it at work. The people I work for asked me today if I could please just take their little one with me to every IVF appointment so I can still look after her at the same time!!!  I am like what the ****. No idea how on earth I am going to do that?? 
Anyway I wish you lots of strength, peace &   xx


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## gpn

Teaching (or any job working with children) must add to the pressure and I really feel for you. I hope the counselling will help. I had a couple of sessions of grief counselling (not related to IVF) and they suggested trying to compartmentalise, and get into a frame of mind where you put things in a box and close the door on that box when you get to work. Not so easy if its not your natural way of thinking however! I hope though that perhaps the counselling you mentioned you have coming up will have some suggestion for how to deal with it.

Although I'm a secondary teacher, as of Sept I'm no longer teaching full-time in school (supply only), in part so that I could take time off for IVF appointments without having to explain to anyone why. I worked in a Catholic school that is against IVF and you had to produce letters for Dr appointments, so I didn't feel I could have told my HT (despite the fact that the HT was actually very caring and open).

Good luck and I hope it gets easier for you.


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## Musicwife

I've been honest and told HT. Lots of other staff have found out too. I was worried about people treating me differently, but actually they've been really supportive and some of them have taken me to one side and told me all about their IF journeys, which weirdly helped! 

I think it depends on your staff dynamic and how you feel as to whether you tell them. Know how you feel about staff socials though - we've had 3 new mums and another one is pregnant on our staff and some days it does feel like everyone else gets it so easy! 

Wishing all you lovely teacher people lots of luck and baby dust xxx


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## janieliz

I totally empathise also. I teach and work with children and young people in a variety of different settings and do lots of work with looked after children which I find particularly heartbreaking considering how much I want to be a parent. 
It can also be a nightmare trying to fit treatment in around term time. I also teach NEET young people so that runs for most of the year including half term and Easter holidays. I think dealing with this anyway can make you feel like hibernating, certainly I am feeling decidedly unsociable at the moment! I guess just let the people know who need to know and I guess their are a lot of us out there feeling and going through this. Sometimes that in itself can help to feel less isolated. 

x


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## emmapoppy

I completely understand where you're coming from. I teach foundation, most of the mums are expecting, seems to be another one each week! I am also fairly recently married and seen to be of `the age` where others find it appropriate to ask me when I'm going to have a baby. I find it extremely hard some days because only my ht and ta`s know, so I put on a brave face but I tear up every day on the way to and from work. It's hard to take time off for appointments without people assuming that I must be pregnant. My contract ends at the end of next year and I'm seriously considering a different career. My coping mechanism at the moment is planning things to look forward to such as a holiday or a trip somewhere.


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## Banjo55

Humbug I totally sympathise.  I wish I had some answers for you but I don't.  I read somewhere that normal coping mechanisms doesn't work with infertility and I've found that to be true.  I thought working hard and putting a brave face, on especially when asked by a student if I had kids, would work but it hasn't.

I teach seconday too. I'm afraid I cracked under the pressure and just became overwhelmed by my emotions so I'm off with stress.  I feel totally depleted.  I know the job isn't helping on the TTC front.  I've not been teaching long and working all hours God sends and not sleeping properly (and sometimes not at all) because of anxiety has affected my relationship with my DH and killed my libido stone dead.  Being on a low grade I can't afford IVF and taking out loans to fund it is out of the question.  This just adds to the stress and feeling helpless.  

If we eventually give up on the idea of having our own child and go down the adoption route I don't see how I can stay in teaching and parent a child that will need a lot of support.  Once I'm better I will have to seriously consider leaving teaching to do something less stressful.

I've only confided in a couple of colleagues who have since left.  Otherwise I've not told anyone, more because people at my school gossip too much and I didn't want everyone knowing my business.  In the meantime I'm going to counselling. 

Do whatever you can to stay sane, including being selfish if necessary.

Best of luck.


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## mrsww

I'm not a teacher however I'm a self employed post natal carer specialising in helping parents caring for their new borns in the early weeks.  I work 24 hours a day for five or six days a week.  This year has been a huge struggle trying to stay professional while carrying out treatment currently coming to an end of a 2WW that looks like it's ending in a negative.  I don't get the same enjoyment from my work as have had to build a barrier, it can only be so long before this barrier shows to clients. Am struggling even more right now as if any the first four cycles of the year had worked I'd be holding a bb right now. It's like all your hopes and dreams are wiped away. On the outside I'm coping but on the inside I'm crumbling, not sure there is a way to cope as its only fair to have a grieving process. Be kind to yourself and partners. And try to plan nice things.


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## 3062melissa

Yep me too I teach year one and yes most mums are pregnant and colleagues have had there 2nd without even trying. It's so hard to keep smiling at times when it all seems easier for some. We've been trying for 14 years on and off and sadly have suffered 5 miscarriages in that time though we were lucky to have our daughter now 20 though she was prem. the yearning doesn't go away. Now I'm nearing 40 and hubby is 45 so feel time is limited as my amh is low (wish I thought to freeze eggs) and hubby's sperm DNA not great. I've got high nk cells so to try concieve again (been over a year since last conceived) and work out which treatment will help me get further than 6 weeks is proving tricky and may have to go for private ivf.
It's so hard hugs to all x


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## karenanna

Bahhumbug

I'm also a teacher by background (although do more management now).

I remember feeling exactly the same   - one thing you could do, is see if your GP's surgery will sign you off for your treatment when it happens, just so you can focus and put your energy into it. My GP did that for me and wrote "gynae procedure" on the certificate. It did make my treatment less stressful and really helped.

I've posted some links that may help below moving forwards:

- Coping with Infertility - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=554.0 - if you ladies would like, we could move this thread over there for you to have a place to chat with each other more permanently?

- We have a cycle buddies thread for once you start your treatment - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=68.0

- and we also have regional threads where you can chat to others in your area - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=218.0

Let me know if you'd like me to move the thread over so you can chat as teachers coping with TTC

Lots of   for your cycle

KA xxx


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## Bahhumbug

Hi there

Thanks for your reply and advice. I have been thinking today about if and how to speak to my HT. With IVF on the horizon I think it might be a good time to chat to him; all things considered he's actually pretty human (and a loving father). My husband and I are going to have a proper chat later this eve about it and decide on 'the speech' and when. (I have to 'book in' our fertility chats otherwise we could talk about it all night and go mad!)

I hadnt considered booking the time off for IVF bit that makes a lot of sense and would indeed make it fairer and better on everyone involved. Great tip!

Yes, please move this thread over. Having the support these past few days has made a huge difference. I have some good support networks in real life but feel like all they ever get from me is doom and gloom and the same subject. I really appreciate this forum.

Humbug x


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## Bahhumbug

Hi

Just an update and something positive.

I told my HT about our situation today and he was brilliant. Said he'd dealt with it before, contractually I'm ok to have time off if needed and he has organised a way to avoid the rumour mill when submitting absence forms in advance. Also reassured me it won't affect my chances in the school going forward, and on this point I can only choose to take him at his word.

Either way, I managed to hold it together, keep it factual and get a decent personal and professional response out of him, with guaranteed confidentiality.

Doesn't change the reality of our situation but good to know there are some good guys out there and I do feel better about having been upfront.

Hope you've had a good Wednesday 

Humbug x


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## karenanna

That's great news Humbug   

I'll move the thread over now and hopefully you'll get more teachers join you who are struggling with TTC and working with kids.

KA xxx


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## HCDC123

Hello! 
I'm also a secondary teacher and have been TTC for 4 years. 
It drives me mad in school with the kids look of horror when I say I don't have children. They always ask why? Can't you? I usually reply with I used to want them but you've all put me off!! Makes them laugh and change the subject!

I've just had ovarian drilling and a dye test. One of my ovaries was riddled with cysts and tube was a bit blocked. But the other one looked ok. So I'm holding out hope. Who knows though. The chlomid did nothing for me. Didn't even feel moody! And not one viable follicle! 
The drilling was fine, obviously I don't know if it was successful yet (I only had it on Friday!) but it wasn't painful, and they said I've a 60% chance of ovulating! I'll take those odds!

I've dug myself a bit of a hole at work. My head has made jokes that he doesn't want any pregnancies this year as there are too many pregnant women... Around the same time as I started on the chlomid. A while back I had a cyst that looked dodgy and they were going to remove it. It turned out ok, and disappeared by itself. But I've used this as my cover story ever since!! Even my drilling!! I've said I've had my cysts done!! I know I'm going to have to come clean. But I've just been promoted and I know he will be annoyed. 
Do I have to tell him if I go ivf route? Or could I continue this phantom cyst up for a while? Would make it easier... When I've told friends I always feel more pressure then!! Would rather no one in school knew? 
Love this teacher thread! Being a teacher is hard work!!!
Sorry to ramble... 1am and can't sleep!! I'm 99.99% sure you know the score!!
H xx


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## Bahhumbug

Hi all

Our respective parents have waded in and pronounced from the sidelines that we are part of the problem due to working to much. This despite not knowing the realities of teaching at all. The old 'just relax and spend more time together' has been wheeled out. So furious. Thought we could rely on them for love and understanding but it is just blame and insinuation. So angry I can hardly type!

Good to know what they really think. That's the end of us confiding in them, then!


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## Dory10

Bahhumbug

First of all a big hug from one teacher to another   .  Teaching is not just a job and as such sucks so much out of you at the best of times.  I teach in Early Years and have had so many years watching little ones then their siblings move through my class and the school, I get to watch the anxious parents drop off their precious cargo in neat new uniforms each September, filming as they walk through the school gates, clutching every random painting and mothers day card, filling up as they catch a glimpse of them in their angel/shepherd/star costume in their first nativity.

It is so hard but I just switch off my head to be honest.  I know especially after what the last 18 months has thrown at us I'm not the practitioner I used to be, I am more of a robot going through the motions.  I am still caring towards the children but some of my sparkle has faded.  Lesson observations have gone from outstanding/good to just good and I don't have the energy to change that because at the end of the day it isn't that important to me anymore.

I've had to have time off after both our losses and looking at what supply did in my absence my non sparkling performance is still much better so that is what they will get.  We saw a counsellor at our clinic who really helped me get that clear in my head as stupidly even after loosing a precious baby I was still worrying about work.

I am glad your Head has appeared supportive and I would second what Karenanna has mentioned about getting signed off by your GP.  I did on both cycles after ET for 2 weeks so I could try to relax as much as I could.

As for the unhelpful comments, sadly you will get many more as you go through you're ttc journey.  I was told the same about it was because I was too stressed, actually my DH (not a teacher) has no or extremely few sperm so I could have been a lady of leisure having facials every day and it still wouldn't have happened - but they still feel the need to open their mouths.

What I try and keep in my mind when I worry about time off I'm having is that when I look back in 10 years what will I regret?  Having a few weeks off for treatment or not having given it my all to have a baby?  

Take Care

Dory
xxx


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## patbaz

Humbug I teach secondary school too and it's really tough. You think that taking time off will impact on your pupils future but if you weren't a teacher they would have someone else and that is what subs are for. Nobody will ever do your job the way you do but I s just a job. I struggle with taking time off during tx but if I am feeling overwhelmed I will get signed off. I have et on Monday evening and I don't intend to take any time off but if by Wednesday I feel like it's too much I will call in Sick and get a note from the Dr. It's good your HT is understanding. I haven't told mine because we have t told anyone about tx. 

Take care and if you ever need to talk just pm me x


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## cookson17

I am a teacher and been TTC for 4 years nearly. We are going to have treatment quite soon in Spain. I really don't know what I will tell my HT as I will have to be in Spain for 5 days when we go for EC and ET.

I don't want to say it is for fertility treatment just yet as I am a temp and am waiting to be made perm.

Any ideas? A non-teaching friend said I should say I am having a cyst removed. 

The problem is I am going to need some time off for scans and bloods in this country before we even go to Spain. Will know at the end of the month the timeframe etc.

It is so hard being a teacher and TTC if it was a normal job you could just take annual leave!


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## Dory10

Cookson - I know what you mean about not being able to choose when we have our leave, I'd have gladly used it for both cycles if we'd been able too.  As for your appointments, you could just say it is a minor op or a gynae op.  School don't need to know exactly what you are having done but could ask to see your appointment letters (you can block out the name of the department if it says fertility clinic or something like that).  They don't need to know you're going to Spain just get the GP to sign you off if you need to be away longer than 5 days or self certify if less than that.  It is tricky when having the stimms scans as you often have to go every other day/every day for a scan and you can't give work much notice but depending on how near the hospital is to your workplace you may only need part of the morning off, most clinics scan from fairly early in the morning.

Good Luck

Dory
xxx


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## cookson17

Thanks for your reply Dory.

The scans are a whole other issue as I have no idea where I will get them done as I have to pay and I live in a small place about an hour form a city where there is lots of places to get scanned!

Am doing antagonist protocol so at least it will be short so not too many scans!


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## patbaz

Cookson get your gp to sign you off as having a gynae procedure. That's what my gp did for a past tx of mine. As for scanning my clinic were happy to scan very early in the  morning or after school. Fx everything goes to plan for you xx


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## Bahhumbug

Morning all

Thinking of everyone going into their respective schools this morning whilst having other things on their mind.

We had a pretty grizzly weekend of parents not being particularly supportive and a lot of tension between us as a couple. I'm not particularly prepared for the week ahead and have that nagging feeling of lurking stress. Ovulating sometimes this week (I hope) so will need to get my act together. Too weepy and depressed for actual baby-making!!

Anyway, wishing you an easy day with kind classes x


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## patbaz

Humbug we've never told anyone about our tx so I can't really offer any real advice about that. As for school though we as teachers have to remember that we come first because if we aren't 100% we can't do our jobs right so if you need some time out take it. I hope you feel better soon huni xx


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## Dory10

Big hug Humbug    Only 2 more weeks until break up time and each get up is one closer to a break from the place.  

xxx


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## Bahhumbug

Thanks everyone for your kindness. You are my little oasis of calm and it means so much.
Parents' evening tonight - boo - but the end of term is in aight - yeh.

Ironically, I quite often feel happiest when I'm at work (apart from when the feelings ambush you - does that happen to anyone else?!) and the day is too busy to stop and think!

Good evenings to all, I hope x


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## emmapoppy

I know what you mean about being ambushed by feelings it can be so all of a sudden! I've had one of those days. There is just so much pressure and high expectations at school and at home! Not enough hours in the day. Although it didn't help that today a colleague has returned from a year of maternity leave you can imagine the conversations in the staff room.... 

Good luck with parents evening, we have parents in class watching performances three times over the next two weeks


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## patbaz

Humbug I know what you mean about enjoying your job so much you forget everything. My DH hated his job until recently and he was so miserable all the time but now he has changed job but it made me so grateful for the job I have. Is strange that most days I work with other people's children knowing that I may never have my own but still enjoy my job. But th n some days I go into work and I think that is such a lovely young person if I ever have a son I want them to be like that and then get depressed because I know that there is a real possibility that I won't have my own child. It's crazy but I'm lucky because in my job I am happy 99% of the time


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## andade

Hi all!

I'm new to the forums but I can empathise with your situations.  I too am a teacher (Secondary) and I have had those days where being  surrounded by children can be a sad reminder.  At secondary, students always want to know if you have children and why not. Most of the time, I handle it very well but at other times, it can get to you.

I am also facing a dilemma regarding work. I am due to start IVF soon, as I have a further appointment with the doctor in January and then a nurse's appointment at the beginning of February which is where you are taken through your treatment plan and medication discussed.

The problem is that I was looking to resign this year and was hoping to leave at Easter,as work has become very stressful and an unhappy place for me recently. I am not alone but there are other factors at play which make it difficult for me to want to stay.

With IVF looming on the horizon  (I have had so many set backs and it has taken a while, so I never anticipated it happening so soon!) I don't think I can resign.  However, I don't think the environment will be conducive to me going through such stressful treatment when I am already very stressed and at times depressed by the job.  Not sure what to do for the best 

Thanks for listening and good luck to all at different stages of their journeys!


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## patbaz

Andade if I were you I would go to my gp and get signed off for the duration of your tx. If you have an understanding gp they will sign you off with gynae issues. Ivf is stressful enough without adding work to the mix. I hope hints go well for you. Good luck x


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## Dory10

Andade - I echo what patbaz has said just get signed off by your GP, if you were going to resign anyway you might as well get paid for you time off during treatment before you leave.  Then depending on the outcome you can decide what to do afterwards.  Good Luck   .

MissOwen - A really difficult time of year without the constant excitement of children added into the mix!

Humbug - Hope parents eve was ok.

emmapoppy - good luck with the performances.


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## kitty55

Humbug, I hope your parents evening was okay! 

I work in a secondary school as support staff and absolutely love my job, but have to admit it is sometimes tricky dealing with kids day in day out whilst (unsuccessfully) ttc. I have just come back from being off for almost 10 weeks due to work related stress when our fertility problem just piled up on top of being very unhappy in school at the moment (we are getting academised!) and I just couldn't deal with it all anymore. 

While I was off I managed to secure a new job which is good (still in the educational sector) but it's a lot more flexible with time off. We've just been referred for IVF and I do hope we'll have our first appt at the start of the new year but I am dreading it at the same time due to the fact that it'll be a brand new job then . My previous line manager at school retired unfortunately in summer and he did know and it was never a problem going out for appts but none of the rest of the staff at school know. 

Good luck to everybody wherever you are on your IVF journey. Hopefully I can join you at the start of the year!


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## Musicwife

So agree with so many of you. This week we have had foundation stage nativity, Christmas lunch and my after school club's theatre production. I'm a senior member of staff so I'm around for all of the festivities and my dad is even playing Santa for the infants! It kills me that he can do it for all the kids at school, when I know he really wishes it was as a grandad he could play the part. Added to which, weve had a number of child protection issues in the past few days (as always in the run up to holidays!) and today I just sobbed on the way home, knowing that there are some parents in the world who just don't deserve it and there are so many lovely people like you lot who are desperate to be parents.   

If you have a supportive SLT, I would encourage you to be honest if you are comfortable with them knowing. Then they can support you and shelter you from unduly stressful situations. If your doctor can sign you off during treatment, I'd do that too. I would like to think that our SLT would support staff doing that. 

Can I also just say a massive thank you to you all. Reading your posts and knowing that there are other teachers out there, who are still doing an amazing job in a really hard climate whilst facing this horrible, overwhelming feeling has made me feel less lonely.  

Xx


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## A J

Hi ladies, I have just read back on some of your posts and can relate to everyone so much. This time of year really is the hardest.
I teach a cross Key stage 1/2 SEN class where a few of the children have Child Protection issues and a couple are LAC children. 
I have to sit through case conferences where the neglect of these kids is discussed and I could scream at times. 
I have one little 8 year old girl in my class who is a gorgeous. Mum is an alcoholic (she has 2 older brothers and a teenage sister) Her mother has a 5 month old baby who she can't cope with  and is now pregnant again. Where is the fairness in that?
I have had 9 failed pregnancies now with both my own eggs and donor eggs and these women who can't parent pop them out like peas ( please excuse my expression, but my continued sense of humour is the only thing that has got me through at times).
I have in the past told colleagues that I have been TTC, but keep it to myself now as I don't like the questions or prying eyes, or having to tell anyone when things have gone wrong....but that's just me! 
AJ xx


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## missowen

Aj - ever had your immunes tested? Lots of early mcs are supposed to be a sign.


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## andade

Hi all!

Humbug - Hope the Parents Eve went alright and that your day at school was ok today.

Patbatz and Dory - Thanks for the advice.  I have been thinking about getting signed off if needed, as I have read that a lot of women do that.

Miss Owen - I hope that the end of term isn't proving too difficult.

Kitty- Congratulations on the new job!  

Musicwife - Glad you are finding comfort from the forum, as am I!
AJ - It definitely can be difficult when dealing with these types of cases!  There is no logic in how life works!  

Roll on next week.


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## Dory10

AJ and Musicwife - Hugs, case conferences just zap everything out of you, especially at this time of the year.  I too know that feeling of wanting to shake people and make them see how lucky they are.

Kitty - Hope work has been ok on your return but congrats on a new job, that will give you a much needed boost.

Hope everyone else is surviving the madness of the Christmas term, I'm grateful I'm not there for it this year, not long to go now.

Dory
xxx


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## Blaggy

Hi all and especially Bahumbug,

I can totally relate to SO much of what people have been writing on this thread and just wanted to share a bit of my 'journey'. 
I have been a primary school teacher for 11 years or so, first job in gritty but good inner city London school. Second job in a similar setting (inner city london) but with extremely driven management on a mission to get 'Outstanding'. A wonderful school which got SO much right -especially for the kids. I was extremely passionate and hard-working but also doing an hour's train commute into London into work and out again each day. Slowly, my social life disappeared and my anxiety increased about 'getting it right' in my job. My teaching became very fine tuned and probably the best it ever will be but as my conception issues started to arise, it became increasingly difficult to cope with that and the job. I had an ectopic, school were extremely understanding and compassionate but after that I think I really realised how much energy I was putting into other people's children and questioned how I could juggle that with beginning ivf. 

I started IVF in October of a new school year when I had a lovely but extremely difficult class (a lot of needs, a lot of staff to manage etc). I think I was physically and mentally exhausted and I had a bit of a wake up call - how could I expect the IVF to work whilst working all the hours in the day and being so involved in school? I had already started the drugs but despite being extremely attached to the school, came to the decision to leave and asked to do so at half term - not ideal. This was after heartfelt discussions with my very lovely head who had offered more than reasonable working conditions around the time of ivf (time off if I needed it, no problems being released for appointments, pastoral care in the way of an open door for chats etc) However, after a bit of to-ing and fro-ing, I did leave and it felt like a humongous weight lifted off my shoulders. It was quite a brave move as I had NOTHING to go to except some tutoring and supply work. I was very fortunate that I had a bit of money to see me through until at least xmas and my other half to fall back on if needs be. As it was, I did become pregnant on that very first go on ivf even though, ironically, the stress and emotional upheaval of leaving the school I loved yet had 'done me in' didn't make it an easy time. Still, I had left the job in time to be able to attend all the final appointments (final scan, egg retrieval, embryo transfer) without having a job to worry about. Sadly although we got pregnant, we found out the pregnancy had not developed at 7 weeks and had an ERPC at xmas (this time last year). In the meantime I had mainly slowed down my pace of life, done a bit of tutoring, taken it easy and applied and got a job of senco much nearer to home, commutable by car not train and only 3 days a week. The financial drop was significant but not undoable and the job was something I had always wanted to try. As it turned out, the school was a VERY different place to my previous one. Much, much more relaxed. Less high standards, very relaxed colleagues and management but similar levels of need in terms of the kids and community. This has meant having to try and take a step back and not compare the high standards of my last place to the new one, which struggles to score highly as a result. HOWEVER, it has made me realise that there are schools and roles in schools which provide a bit more of a balance and also that taking the big leap to leave was worth it... I started my second round of IVF in July after being in the job 6 months. Luckily the timing was such that the end part - egg retrieval, embryo transfer etc was in the summer holidays. I am VERY grateful for that and would urge anyone who is able to, to get the time off for that. I am delighted to now be 21 weeks pregnant but still crossing my fingers all the way.

Who knows if it was the change in pace? Letting go of all that tension/anxiety/responsibility of having a class? New laid back environment? Or maybe it was sheer luck -  I wouldn't be surprised if so. I spose I just wanted to urge anyone who was considering the same to do so. Not practical for so many of us of course - it was a HUGE leap for me with long, LONG drawn out discussions with my partner. But, if you can cut down hours/days or just change SOMETHING in your routine to make the daily grind a bit easier, it might just make a difference? Teaching is such a demanding job and I think it's hard to take the time to step back and look at it in context. 

Wishing everyone all the very best.
Blaggy


----------



## Dory10

Blaggy,

What an inspiring post.  I'm so sorry for your loss last Christmas, we were in a similar situation and an erpc on a festively decorated ward is no fun is it?  Congratulations on your pregnancy and I'm so glad to read all is progressing well, although I know myself any pregnancy, especially after a loss is always a little anxious.

I can relate to all you have written with the exception of the caring Head but I'm too carefully considering a change of some sort work wise.  We just have to see if finances will allow this on top of funding more treatment cycles if and when we are able to do them.

Take care and I hope the next half of your pregnancy is happy and healthy.

Dory
xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hello again to all.

Sending lots of good thoughts and wishes for a last week that's easy on the heart strings for us all.

Blaggy: thanks so much for taking the time to post such an inspirational story. I do hope you are feeling well and will continue to do so. You have given us a lot of food for thought, I'm sure. Thank you for sharing and congratulations!

Mr Humbug and I have been going through a really rough patch and doing each other's nut a bit. It turned out I was away on a residential school trip (which if forgotten about! Only 2 days, though) exactly when I was ovulating and I was so disappointed to have a wasted month. Just rubbish. We DTD when we could but December is out now. Does anyone else wonder how on earth people have 'accidents'?! I mean, how did people centuries ago ever get pregnant when they slept in separate bedrooms unless 'summoned' and they certainly didn't have any snazzy ovulation predictors!!  I think things like this to keep me smiling when I'm feeling glum 

My brother and sis-in-law also had their baby this week. It's been tough but I'm trying NOT to be a total cow. Still not sure if we can face them for Christmas. You all know how it is. A healthy baby girl, though, so very good news.

I nearly lost it in front of a class upon finding out. I hate being this bitter person and having such horrible evenings with my husband. 

I would like to have a winding down week at school this week but I the nature of my TLR means I need to work harder than ever. I could quite happily hibernate until at least New Years' Eve!

Thanks again to everyone who's posting on here. I wish we could be friends under better circumstances xx


----------



## Dory10

Humbug - Not long now until break up day   xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug




----------



## aliced

Hello,
I thought I would share my story. Worked in a school for years while ttc, head very unsupportive about tx. As I was about to start my second round of ivf, I signed off sick but not work related stress so it couldn't go against me in the future. During this 2 weeks sick leave, I got a new job and my treatment was cancelled. 
A couple of months into my new job I am in the middle of ivf2 and the new head is incredibly supportive. 
I got sick of worrying about what ifs and in the end I did something very unlike me and thought I will worry about it at the time. 
Whether this cycle works or not, at least I know that I am a lot calmer and I feel I am giving it my best shot. 
Alice x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Just wanted to day hi, Alice. Hope you're having a good day today


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hello all

We made it to the hols!

Love and best wishes to you all for a relaxing holiday and good times with the ones you love


----------



## aliced

Hello bahhumbug,
how are you? I am okay, a bit disappointed but thanks for asking. I had ec today and they only retrieved two eggs. I know 2 is better than none but they also told me that my amh of 5.6 reduces my chance of a successful pregnancy. 
a bit of an emotional day and just praying for some good news in the morning.
Alice x


----------



## patbaz

Och Alice I'm sorry you're feeling low but 2 eggs is better than none. I hope that the love lab is busy for you and that both become healthy little embryos xx


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## aliced

Thank you, I am trying to be positive but it's difficult. Looking at your signature, not long now till test day. Lots of love and luck for a bfp. How are you feeling? 
Alice x


----------



## patbaz

Not really feeling anything if I'm honest. I have terrible indigestion all the time and my (.)(.) are occasionally tender (def not sore) so I think I'm out but will test on Sunday and see. Whatever is meant to be will be. I have a plan to move to another clinic in new year if this is a bfn and see what happens. It will definetly be our last go as money is running out but Sunday will tell us where to go next. 

I hope you're resting up after your ec. Let us know how embryos get on please x


----------



## Dory10

Hi everyone - break up day for most I'd imagine  

Pat - Hope these next 2 days go quickly and am keeping everything crossed for Sunday  

Alice -    Let's hope your eggs get jiggy tonight and as Pat said let us know how they get on xxx


Dory
xxx


----------



## patbaz

Thanks Dory I will of course let you all know how I get on but as I said I am not feeling too hopeful (there is a glimmer there but lack of symptoms is killing me). After so many knock backs you always seem to try and prepare yourself for the worst but tbh I don't think that works lol


----------



## Dory10

Pat -    I know, what we tell ourselves in our heads rarely translates to our hearts xxx


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## Bahhumbug

Pat - all the very best for tomorrow. Hope you can keep busy today.

Alice - do keep us updated.

It's my wedding anniversary today and quite an emotional one. Trying to take stock and be thankful in the face of everything else going on behind the scenes. Out tonight and hope we can have a nice time.

Happy Saturday to all 

Humbug


----------



## aliced

Hi girls, It's not good news unfortunately, nothing fertilised. I am heartbroken and as you can imagine having a very emotional day. I just don't understand why, in my last cycle, I got 5 eggs from 5 follicles and 100% fertilisation through icsi. I had an A and B embryo. this time, one failed to fertilise at all and the other was really poor quality to transfer. We have to go back to the clinic next week for more details. On the phone, they only mentioned that the egg quality was poorer from last time. Can my eggs dramatically decrease in 18 months?
good luck everyone else, I hope you get your Christmas miracle.
Alice x


----------



## patbaz

Alice I'm so sorry Huni that's just the worst news. Have you changed anything that would affect egg quality in the last 18 months  I am sending you a big virtual hug x


----------



## aliced

Thank you Patbaz. Not that I know of, honestly it was a total shock. In fact I've been doing acupuncture, etc. everything that is supposed to help but instead has had the opposite effect. I am hoping I will find more answers on Monday. 

How are you? 
Alice x


----------



## patbaz

Bfn ladies I'm afraid. I feel completely numb. No tears at all. So difficult to be on this journey


----------



## Nikki429

Hi ladies,

I hope you don't mind but I just stumbled on this thread. Pat and Alice I'm so sorry to hear your news. Sending you both big hugs!
I teach in a secondary school and totally understand the feelings that you all mentioned in previous posts. I did my first round in June and the pupils began to ask other teachers. When it failed, it was heartbreaking. I told a few of the pupils that I wasn't pregnant and could they please squash the rumour if they heard it. 
I've been fairly open with a few people at work. For me, the details of ivf seemed better than people asking if I was pregnant. Wasn't sure I could cope with that. 
Started second go in November and my department have been fab. We're requires improvement and waiting for ofsted (isn't everyone?!) so work has not been easy. I also run the school show so I was at work the entire weekend before my test date and then in the run up working 14 hour days. Despite this, somehow it worked. Whether it will hang around or not is another question but I'm currently 5 +5 weeks pregnant and waiting for my scan. My hope is that everyone will have their time and if the embryos are going to hang around and fight, then they will. 
Like many people, I'm not happy in teaching at the moment and would have possibly given my notice now if this cycle hadn't worked. I have slowed my pace way down now and I honestly am of the opinion if things don't get done in the time I have, well tough! 
I have everything crossed for everyone that things will work out. X


----------



## patbaz

Congrats on your bfp nikki I hope you have a healthy 9 months x


----------



## aliced

Patbaz, I'm so sorry, sending you lots of hugs. I know there is nothing we can say to you right now but you are not alone. A big virtual hug to you. 
Congrats Nikki, I wish you a healthy 9 months 
Alice x


----------



## Dory10

Pat -      I'm so sorry xxx

Nikki - Congratulations xxx


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## Bahhumbug

Pat and Alice - I'm so sorry to read this.

I hope you have good people around you today x x


----------



## Lady-S

Bumped into this thread and didn't want to read and run. I know it's different for me as I've come out the other side and now have my little boy, but I do remember the pain and heartache of ttc while teaching. It's awful!!! Looking after other people's children while desperately wanting my own. Especially those children who are neglected and abused. Heart breaking. Still is!!!  I'm a primary school teacher. 

At one point in my ttc journey there were 6 people pregnant and going on maternity leave. I felt so left behind and left out. Especially as those not on maternity would smile, nudge me and say "you'll be next"... Well I wasn't!!! The deputy had 3 children in the time it took me to conceive our little miracle!!!!

With regards support for tx....there wasn't really any understanding or sympathy.  They made the right noises but then sent me letters saying time off would be unpaid. But the timing of the letter coincided with painful procedures or last day of term so I had no chance to say anything. My GP signed me off sick for my second OE cycle. Best thing I could have done. 

anyway, like I said, I couldn't read and run as the feelings and memories are still very raw for me so I totally sympathise with each and every one of you. Lots of hugs 

AJ : my lovely buddy hope ur doing ok. Big kisses to you xxxxxx


----------



## Faithope

I just saw this thread and thought I would chip in 

I am/was a Teaching Assistant in primary. Every day i was faced with what *Lady-s * described. Kid's from rubbish backgrounds needing lots of TLC that I craved to give. I too, had staff have several babies before I finally got my miracle ICSI baby. I had my first MC (natural BFP) in 2010 and the staff were amazing-sent me handmade cards, flowers, chocolates etc. Then we embarked on IVF treatment and seemed to have support to start with. I suffered another 2 MC's from FET and those times-nothing. I got support from those I worked with but management had no sympathy at all. I took 6 weeks off with each MC as I was traumatised by them. Even had to have counselling. I had a lot of sick notes go into school.

Once pregnant, the support seemed to up again, even with me taking so many appointment times out of school. But again the managment seemed to want me to leave rather than come back. Well I was going to go back, but ended up with a natural BFP while on mat leave  So I have had to quit the job I loved. I hope to get back into it one day. I always worked in SEN 1:1.

Good luck to all that are trying and lovely to read of the BFP's


----------



## Lady-S

Faith: congrats on bfp. Amazing. But why do you need to leave? Surely maternity leave can run consecutively if that's how things have worked out. 

I hear you on the support front. My colleagues became friends but in fact during tx all disappeared...not friends at all!!! I was obviously every woman's biggest nightmare. Maybe they thought my IF was contagious. Once Michael was born they crawled out of their holes to want cuddles etc but I had no time for them. Sorry....you weren't there when I needed you so "jog on"!!! Of course once the cute newborn stage has finished they disappeared again. Some friends they were!!!

My management refused me part time too!! A real kick in the teeth as all the other mums came back 3-4 days but not me. Wasn't allowed. Luckily I found another job at a different school and they are quite understanding about the needs of a working mum. 

Alice: just wanted to say how sorry I am to read of no fertilisation. Having been there I know exactly how it feels. Gutting. Take time to heal and keep an open mind for future options. It's not the end of the road if you don't want it to be xxxxx


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## Dory10

Alice - Big hugs   xxx


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## Faithope

*Lady-s* being on a TA wage, there was no way I could return and pay for two children's child care  So made the decision to leave. O I had the same, all wanting newborn cuddles and now-none come to see me  xx


----------



## aliced

Thank you for your lovely comments and positive stories, they do help. 
I know it's not the end of the road yet and we will hopefully get some answers tomorrow. I'm just a bit numb today with it all and trying not to be too negative as yesterday I just thought it was the end of the road. 
Tearing up reading these lovely messages of support.
Alice x


----------



## Lady-S

On another positive Alice, noticed you have thyroid problems. A friend of mine has too and conceived using clomid. But after taking medication for thyroid conceived baby no 2 naturally!! Once thyroid sorted it seemed her IF sorted too!!!!!  Big hugs xxxxx


----------



## A J

Hi ladies...thank goodness for holidays! Couldn't come soon enough. I was hoping that this Christmas somehow I would have a little one to share it with but hey ho!! 

Bleeping annoyed at my school that many of us are contracted termly, been offered another term which I am greatful for but isn't ideal as always putting that extra mile in to be noticed and hopefully be made permanent, and then where will I stand if/when I need maternity leave etc? Anyone any idea how that works?

AJ xx


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## njr_26

AJ, if you are a supply teacher who has been continuously employed for 12 weeks you are entitled to the same basic rights as other members of staff because of the Agency Worker Regulations. Have a look here: http://www.nasuwt.org.uk/consum/groups/public/@salariespensionsconditions/documents/nas_download/nasuwt_010883.pdf

It may be worth asking for a retainer.

As regards maternity leave, I was working at a school for one and a half terms (Oct - March) before my DEIVF worked and I worked there until July and got 90% of my pay for 6 weeks and statutory maternity for the rest of the 9 months.

/links


----------



## kitty55

Congrats to Nikki on your BFP 

And big hugs to Pat and Alice  sorry to hear it hasn't worked out. Hope you get some answers as to why it hasn't worked so maybe the clinics can change things if you want to go for another cycle. 

I'm glad it's the holidays!!! I only have to go in for 2hrs tomorrow (I'm support staff so have to take normal leave) cos I didn't have enough leave left after handing in my notice to cover me for the whole Xmas/New Year's period. But then I am off and can't wait to start my new job on 5th.   xx


----------



## Dory10

Good luck for your new job Kitty and hope you have a lovely holiday before starting xxx


----------



## patbaz

Kitty good luck n your new job huni. I hope it all works out amazingly for you xx

Dory how are you doing sweetie??


----------



## Dory10

Not bad thanks Pat, just wishing the next 2 weeks away a bit and taking each day for what it is.  How are you doing?   xxx


----------



## patbaz

I am ok better than I was after the MC I am wallowing in self pity today and tomorrow I am going to throw myself into getting ready for xmas. I will paint a smile on and it will stay there until xmas is over and done with. I just need today to get the emotions out. I will allow myself to cry a lot today and hopefully that will help. I just wish AF would show up so I can get that but over and done with. 

What are your plans for xmas??  Are you and Dh going to be alone??


----------



## aliced

Good luck with your new job Kitty.
Patbaz, have a dam good cry and then try and keep yourself busy, not crazy busy but try and and get out even if it's just for a small amount of time. Big hugs to you.
Lots of luck to you all.
Alice x


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## patbaz

Alice you are just so kind. Thanks for thinking of me when I know that you're having a hard time too. Just so you know I plan to have a large glass of wine this evening


----------



## aliced

Sorry Dory, thinking about you.
Alice x


----------



## aliced

That's exactly what I did on Saturday night, a very large glass.


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## simone546

Hi ladies, I also work in schools, used to be but no-longer am a teacher. It's so tough trying to cycle and teach. I used to go in two days after mc's because I felt guilty about leaving my classes - how silly is that? 

Reading your posts about support, couldn't agree more. Initially people are supportive... Personally I think they like the gossip... But then I think they get bored and annoyed.

Hugs


----------



## A J

njr26... thank you so much for your reply. I will certainly arm myself with the facts if I should be lucky enough to get that far xx

Big hello to everyone else xx


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## aliced

Hi Jessica,
before I changed schools I was going to leave teaching as well, stress was too much.
I only told my HOD in my last school.
In this school I have only told my HOD and the head, the rest I have kept to myself as I feel it is too personal to share. You are right about people like the gossip and I didn't want that. 
Alice x


----------



## HCDC123

Hello, hope you all have a lovely Christmas. It seems more difficult than normal!! 
I spoke to a girl in my school who has just had twins from ivf. I told her I was nearly at that stage and she told me not to tell my school as she had to take all her appointments unpaid!! The head said ivf is the same as plastic surgery as its a choice!!! I am saddened and shocked that this is the view of school, and even more so that us women get no official support from above. So I won't be telling anyone in school and will just go on the sick when needed! That's what the girl in school was unofficially advised by her line manager to do. Sure not all schools have this view point. 
Good luck and Christmas wishes! Xx


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## Bahhumbug

That makes me really mad. A choice?!!! 
Happy Christmas to you x


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## simone546

Thats unbelievable! Good that you got a heads-up though!  Its so unfair that its treated as a choice... Urgh.

Xxx


----------



## patbaz

That is ridiculous. Nobody would do ivf by choice!


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## PoppyB

Sorry to butt in...I'm not a teacher, but I work for the NHS and I have also had to take all my appointments as unpaid leave or holiday, none are allowed as medical appointments as "it is a choice" apparently. 

Just to make you feel vaguely better that it's not just your employer or a teaching thing

Xx


----------



## ArmyWife

I work in Year 5, and it can be a real struggle sometimes. But, I have found that being honest with people has worked well for me. My colleagues and the HT all know that I have lost babies, been through IVF and am planning to do so again. I have discovered that they are mostly supportive, and on the days where I do fing something upsetting, it is easier to say "I'm having a bad moment". 

For the most part, working with a bunch of ten year olds makes me smile. Sure, there are stressful days, and there are sad days, and there are days when I would happily punch neglectful parents right in the face because they are not even aware how special it is to have the ability to have children...but for me, working with kids helps me feel better. I may not be able to have my own baby, but I will darn-well do my best for another person's child, and maybe that will have a positive impact on that child's life. Maybe I might help to make that child's life experience a pleasant one. 

And on the days where I am feeling none of the above positivity, there is always wine. 😜


----------



## Dory10

HCDC - In our LA time off for IVF (as with NHS - I had a friend work there and go through a cycle)  is seen as a life style choice and so you may not be given paid time off for apts, as you say how will they know this is what your hospital apts are for unless you specifically say.  We do have 5 working days a year that can be paid for other circumstances, such as moving house, staying home to look after a sick dependent, accompanying a family member to hospital, waiting in to fix a broken boiler etc.  Some teachers I have chatted to in the past have used these days for scan days etc and then just been self certified or had a note by the GP for after EC/ET.  My GP has signed me off without question after ET both cycles so I could rest at home and avoid work stresses.

There is also a lovely lady on here who got advice from her union to establish time off for IVF treatment, the upshot was that you should be able to ask for and be granted unpaid time off for treatment even at fairly short notice.

In my experience colleagues and management are seen to be very supportive (or make the right noises) at first but when it actually starts to impact on them they are not so.  The reality of needing multiple cycles is also not viewed as sympathetically as needing time for one.

xxxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hello!

Just thought I'd see how everyone on here was doing?

Christmas wasn't the greatest for us and we're back to school today as I'm sure many of you are.

The new year brings some new hope for this to be 'our year' although the reality seems far off when I really put my mind to it.

Hospital appointment this week.

Hope this finds everyone ok this morning x


----------



## kitty55

Morning *Bahhumbug*,

we're okay, 'survived' Christmas okay to be honest and hubby and I said to each other on NYE that 2015 can only be better than last year (and I am off to my new job this morning which is already a lot better than going back to school!).

So I thought I wish every teacher/support staff colleague on here a good start to the new term and a fantastic new year - I hope you all (and I) get the baby we're all hoping for this year. Good luck and baby dust to you all 

Good luck for your hospital appointment this week *Bahhumbug* - let us know how it goes.

xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Will do - and good luck for the first day of your new job!


----------



## Amoeba1705

I teach secondary, which is very stressful, involves changing rooms several times on a daily basis and seeing 11different classes over the week!
Both cycles have occurred over holidays until ec (first cycle first day back after summer)...et (of this cycle is first day back after Xmas holidays!) My first cycle my gp signed me off for the 2ww then again until the 6w scan...I miscarried 2ays before this scan, I was signed off again to get myself back on an even keel. Total of 7.5weeks absent!
Today is et for my second cycle and I have a gp appt Thursday to get signed off again. This cycle I told the acting head and my line manager that I will be absent for atleast 2 weeks maybe longer but it will be covered by gp!


----------



## Dory10

Good luck Amoeba  

Kitty - Hope your first day in your new job has gone well.

Humbug - How was the first day back, I think the January first day is the worst of them all!


Hope everyone else is ok 

Dory
xxx


----------



## A J

Happy New Year ladies... hopefully the first day back at school hasn't been too painful. Lots of stories of how Christmas was spent with their children etc.. went on in our staffroom. To top it all one of my colleagues went for her 12 week scan this morning so came in late while we were in a planning meeting waving her scan picture....it really threw me for 6! Then she went on to blame her husband for getting her in the situation ( I felt like shouting at her...I would do anything to have my husband get me pregnant naturally, or through ivf or even with donated sperm and eggs- I have tried it all!) But, I just smiled!!
Oh well, at least I still have my job after today for keeping my mouth shut.


I am so greatful to you lovely ladies for letting me off load that...thank you xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hi A J

You did so well to smile and keep schtum! A scan picture on day 1 - torturous.

Similar sorts of tales of idyllic family time at our place. How was your holiday? They ask. If only I'd been able to tell the truth: spent it with my (adorable) new week-old niece and got my period on Christmas Eve!! Can you affine the faces if id told them I spent a considerable amount of time bawling in the toilet!

First day back was ok but it's always when you least expect it that it hits you, isn't it? And a whole other raft of pregnancy announcements on bloody ********.

Luckily the kids were grumpy as anything today so it was easier to banish the thoughts of parental bliss!

H x


----------



## Dory10

AJ - Bless you, it does my head in when people moan about getting pregnant or being pregnant as if they have no choice in the matter and as if it just happened like some miracle Christmas story.  Well done on keeping your cool.

Humbug - I think a lot of people would have a fit if they knew what was really going on in our lives/minds most of the time.  I have a new stock answer for everything which is 'fine'.  How was Christmas?  Fine,  How are you today?  Fine, Did you have a good NYE?  It was fine.  Seems to shut people up.

Afm -    One of my children greeted me with his most 'exciting best news in the world ever'  Yep his mum is pregnant.

Oh well 2 days down xxx


----------



## A J

Yes, 2 days down! Landed as I have j found out that I have jury service half way through this half term.....sick of the staffroom baby talk ATM! Oh, and yes I would love morning sickness, my tummy getting bigger (for the right reasons and not just too much choccies over Crimbo!), back ache etc, etc, etc. If she winges once more I may unzip my mouth..... 
I love my job really! 

AJ x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Morning all

Update as requested: 

Had our latest consultant appt and have been advised that the next step is to take a deep breath and start IVF. Come to the end of the Chlomid we can have and as much as we have been offered a lap we have been advised to just get started on IVF as lap would only be a diagnostic tool (and the best cure for any endo is pregnancy, as IOU know!)
I think this is good advice as I don't want to take any more time waiting and wondering and it will be 3 years soon.
Our parents heard the three little initials and finally seem to be taking this seriously.  It is scary how little some people know about the procedure, though - MiL presumed it was a few injections and hey presto!! We put her straight!

We are giving ourselves to the weekend to decide Nd will phone to book an appt for either IVF or lap on Monday. Apparently waiting times aren't too bad where we are but we do only get 1 shot (plus hopefully frosties too). 

Was quite tearful yest and very mixed emotions about it all, but I think all in all it's a good thing and it is at least progress of sorts. I guess I just never thought my 30s would be spent like this. Ho hum.

Right, better stop lurking, find some coffee and do some work!

School stops for no man!!

Happy Wednesday, all. 27 more get-ups, not that I'm counting


----------



## Bahhumbug

Also having my first acupuncture appt on Friday. Any advice on what to expect? I am nervous.


----------



## Banjo55

On my first appointments with a new acupuncturist they spent a lot of time finding out about my issues.  I expect yours will do the same.  They then work out what they are going to focus on during treatments.  The needles don't usually hurt but tell them if they do as some spots might be more sensitive. You will find it very relaxing. Enjoy.


----------



## kitty55

Bahhumbug said:


> Also having my first acupuncture appt on Friday. Any advice on what to expect? I am nervous.


I remember having been terrified of my very first acupuncture appt when I had it cos I'm not good with needles. But guess what!? It didn't hurt and was such an amazingly relaxing experience!!! Don't be scared, I'm sure you will be absolutely fine .

I have my fingers crossed for your IVF if that's what you decide to do. We're almost at 2 years and I am very fed up of waiting and basically wasting time already.

xx


----------



## cookson17

Kitty-I was fed up of waiting as well, so we have gone to Spain for treatment.no waiting list and cheaper than the uk. I am in Spain at the min waiting for egg collection-so have done just the 2 days this week at school....the head was very understanding.


----------



## aliced

I find acupuncture to be very relaxing and I always feel so much better after. Not that it has helped ttc wise but still hoping for a miracle. 
We'll I had a positive start to the week until today when I had to teach PHSE sex education and a pupil asked why I didn't have any kids, it just floored me and now feeling very depressed about our recent failed cycle. Will I ever stop feeling so sad, sorry feeling sorry for myself today.


----------



## patbaz

Alice I am sending you a big hug I've been asked that same question by my pupils and I just say that I've never been blessed with a child. It's soo difficult staying strong emotionally when questions like that. I hope you have a better day tomorrow xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Went to see my gp today (3dp3dt), she took one look at me and said well you're not yourself..at which point I burst into tears and explained the trauma suffered at ec and my 'poorly' embryo, she said most definitely not ready for work so gave me 4 weeks. Now I can relax


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba I'm so glad you have such an understanding gp you take it easy now and rest up. I have my fingers crossed for you huni x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Patbaz my gp was very supportive during cycle 1 and I was hoping she would be this cycle too, and obviously is, even said if I need longer just to go and see her. Am so much more relaxed already and having a little cry has probably helped me a bit too as not bottled it all up x


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba -   IVF is so hard and often we hold it together through all the injections, EC, ET and then when the visits to the clinic stop that's when it hits us.  Sending you lots of   and glad your GP is supportive and you have time to relax at home.

Humbug - Glad you've been given the go ahead for IVF, hope the acupuncture is useful for you.

Alice and Patz - Hope you're ok, nightmare when children ask that question, I had a 4 year old hug me because she felt sorry for me when I said I didn't have any children last year.

Dory
xxx


----------



## patbaz

Hi dory. How are you doing huni?? I am doing fine although it feels like months ago since my last bfn (2weeks ago). I have a new plan in place so now waiting on the witch to show and having a scratch on day 21 then start stimms on next af. I am always better when I have a plan in place 

I am under a lot of pressure in work at the moment with exam classes (I have 8 of them) and I am applying for a head of year post in school. It's the first time a head of year post has come up in 9 years!!  I would really love the job as I covered a maternity for one of the other teachers a couple of years ago. We could really do with the extra cash because this whole ivf malarkey isn't cheap!! Any advice on questions they may ask??


----------



## kitty55

cookson17 said:


> Kitty-I was fed up of waiting as well, so we have gone to Spain for treatment.no waiting list and cheaper than the uk. I am in Spain at the min waiting for egg collection-so have done just the 2 days this week at school....the head was very understanding.


Ah I understand. If we didn't have our NHS funding we'd have to go abroad as well. Hope your EC went well and you're feeling okay. Have my fingers crossed for you!

 aliced - I've never been asked by the kids, thank god. It's difficult to hold it together if they do though I can imagine. Big hugs from me!

Patbaz - good luck for your job application! Hope you'll get the post .

We received the copy of our referral letter to the IVF clinic today so now it's just waiting til we hear from them I guess!!

xx


----------



## aliced

Thank you everyone, I'm calmer today, it's right that we all need a good cry at times Ameoba. 
Lots of luck to everyone whose going through treatment. 
I should be starting the ovulation sticks in the morning, in an attempt to be 'one of the lucky ones'  who get pregnant the month after ivf because that's what happens according to people not in our situation. I just can't be arsed, which is not like me at all. 
Anyway big hugs and hoping for some good news for us all.
Alice x


----------



## Dory10

Pat - Good luck for the position, as for advice on questions, I'm Primary but think some of the areas would be the same.  I'd go for budget management questions, pupil progress within your subject, ideas for improving a particular group within that subject (FSM, boys, EAL etc), Staffing considerations/suggestions, enrichment within that area (trips, clubs, visitors), resources, making the subject more appealing for GCSE/A-level selection (if that is an issue), how you'll keep SLT/Governors informed of progress/issues, supporting NQTs...
Glad to hear you have a plan in place for your treatment too, as you say having a plan always helps xxx


----------



## emmapoppy

Help/advice pretty please  
I am currently employed on a temporary contract until August and I am looking for a new job. However we have only just got the go ahead for treatment and theoretically I could be lucky soon. I don't want to get a post and then have to give maternity leave notice almost straight away. A teacher at the school I'm at now did this and it didn't go down too well. I don't know if I can morally in my own heart, start a new job knowing I am or soon could be pregnant and going to be off for a long time. But then again, I would like job security. So confused and feeling the pressure from dh and myself! Any advice or ideas would be hugely appreciated Xx


----------



## Musicwife

I'm in a similar situation emmapoppy.   But after 2 1/2 years of putting off a job move and staying put in a position I've outgrown and become fed up of, whilst also dealing with the whole IF thing, I've decided to move on and go for a new job. DH and discussed it for a long time and came to the conclusion that being happier at work was important, just in case the treatment doesn't work. I haven't got a new job yet, am just looking but I'm going to take each step at a time and if it feels right, I'll go for it.

To be honest, I really don't know if it's the right thing to do, but thought I'd share my thinking! I'm hoping if I do move, it will be to an understanding school!  

Xx


----------



## Cloclo15

Hi everyone,

Thought I would drop in and share my experiences with you. I am currently 24 weeks pregnant with my second child, with both conceived through ICSI, and have also been teaching (secondary) for nine years so I know how difficult it is to go through this in this job.

My DS was conceived on first ICSI treatment; after finding out we would need treatment in July 2011 I was desperate to start treatment and began the following Sept/Oct. I decided to be honest with my head from the start. He has two kids and a teacher wife who worked part time, and I felt he would be understanding - he was. Luckily my EC and ET fell in the half term, but I got OHSS and was quite ill. I ended up taking various periods of time off sick due to this and pregnancy triggering what I now know was colitis, but was never challenged about this (I know my school can be funny about excessive absence and we have back to work interviews). I was so focused on my pregnancy at the time that I let work stress wash over me and didn't worry too much about lessons obvs etc.

For our second, we attempted a treatment last Feb/March. I am now part time, but in the time since my first ICSI I felt the pressure at work (for everybody) had increased massively and despite the fewer working days, I definitely felt more stressed about work performance etc. I had to take time off for a week for EC/ET. Also my clinic only do morning appts for scans so I had to go in late a few times. Even though I told my HT again, I felt that while not obstructive, they were less supportive this time round. My treatment failed, and I resolved to not attempt the process again until I had some proper time off in the summer hols.

My third treatment was in August last year. It was the least stressful of all my TX by a long way, despite having a potty training 2 year old to look after. I felt I could focus on myself and really relax. We found out we had been successful just after returning to work in Sept.

While to some extent working means you don't dwell on every aspect of your TX which can also be detrimental to stress levels, I would definitely advise any teacher in the current climate of pressure/observations/results to try to either time TX with a long holiday or at the very least get signed off for a couple of weeks around EC/ET. I would have found it very difficult to do that, but based on my experience I think you need to give yourself the best chance of success and put work into perspective. If schools were what they were ten years ago, or even five, I woukd not have believed this so emphatically, but times have changed, at least at my school.

Tbh, because I wanted to go part time and enjoy my DS, I know my career progression is in effect over though I have retained my TLR - you are just not viewed in the same way and cannot give the same time outside of hours to being in school - you have other priorities, rightfully so. So I am less concerned about how TX related appts etc are viewed and have tried to tell myself that 'good' observations rather than good/outstanding are still good enough if it means I can retain some balance and sanity!

Good luck to everyone here


----------



## aliced

Hi emmapoppy,
I applied for a new job knowing I could be potentially pregnant when I started. It wasn't an easy decision but I was so unhappy in my old job and stressed that I knew I had to move on. I got the job knowing I would be having IVF in July, however treatment was cancelled and I didn't start the job pregnant in the September. I did have the IVF in the December instead, unfortunately unsuccessful. However my new school were supportive as I was so worried about telling them. 
I am much happier in my new job, I would say go for it, apply and worry about the 'what if's later'
Alice x


----------



## kitty55

*emmapoppy*,

I am in almost exactly the same situation. Was working in a secondary school and have been off most of the last two terms (basically went off stress related which was on the horizon for a long time beforehand). Whilst off I applied for other jobs and got one at our local college which I started on 5th Jan. We've been referred for IVF in Dec so I knew it would happen at some point. We're currently waiting for our initial consultation appointment so I guess if all goes well we'll start our first cycle at some point in the first few months of this year. I am currently on 6 month probation and I have no idea what to tell them when I go off for appointments. Our IVF clinic is 2.5-3 hrs drive away so I cant just "pop out" and come back.

I was so absolutely unhappy in my job and almost depressed and stressed it was the only way out to get a new job. I'd say go for it and as Alice says worry about the "what ifs" later. I am happy in my job now and it's exactly what I wanna do and I think being happy/positive/unstressed is an important factor for IVF.

Good luck for your job hunt  xx


----------



## Dory10

EmmaPoppy - Just to echo what others have said, if it is a great job go for it, if treatment doesn't work then at least you will have something positive in your life to throw yourself into until it's time to try again.  If it does work then fab you can have maternity and return to a lovely job too.  All Heads know that by taking on a female member of staff there is a chance at some point they will become pregnant and take maternity.  I know Heads that have (although obviously never officially) appointed men as a result of this.

xxx


----------



## emmapoppy

Thank you everyone I think your right, just go for it and what will be will be. It's mainly the 'what ifs' that get my mind boggling! I think it's just part of my nature to like to have some sort of plan and be somewhat in control- although with IF this has rather diminished. 

I really do appreciate the support I get on here, sorts my thinking out, thank you   Xxx


----------



## Dory10

Emmapoppy - I think most teachers are control freaks on some level, you need to be to keep on top of the job, I was a massive one but all this has squashed it (a little)!  It would be lovely to be able to plan all cycles around holidays but our bodies just don't work like that.  On my second cycle I'd worked out that final scans, EC and the first half of 2ww would be in Easter hols ( fab only a few days needed off work)  NO!  Body thought differently and just managed some scans and EC then had to be signed off as back to work time.  At first I had a mini meltdown but DH (my voice of reason through all of this) put it into perspective - what would I regret in 10 years time, having a bit of time off or wondering if going back and the stress affected our chances of a baby?  No brainer really when you put it like that.

  Good luck with the job

Dory
xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hello all

Hope this finds you well.

I've been busy having my first 2 sessions of acupuncture - haven't felt any tangible change but it is certainly relaxing and the lady is so lovely. Half the time it feels like a therapy session! Will keep going for at least 4 more weeks.

Funnily enough, we have just had a few vacancies come up in our school and there is one I should probably tactically apply for. If I wasn't in the middle of all of this ttc stress is being more keen, and I have been doing the deputy job for a few years. I have just lost my confidence recently. I also worry about potentially taking time out if we ever so manage to be successful, although I know any school worth its salt would look at the long term (I hope). 

I really wish this job had come up 2 years ago or 2 years from now!! I'm not sure I have the emotional resilience for it now, never mind the effect it could have on our ttc anyway.

IVF looks like it will be going ahead in March/April. Really though we were in with a shot this month but those familiar pains are back again, ho hum.  Really hate the fact my body is so blimmin reliable and will bleed and ache like clockwork every 29 days but can't do the very thing as a woman I should be able to do without trying!!  

Hello to all on this chilly Tuesday x


----------



## Dory10

Humbug - I know it's really hard when AF turns up bang on time each month but it is a positive for cycling as if AF plays ball it makes things go more smoothly then


----------



## Bahhumbug

That's a good point and thank you for reminding me. The period pains have been worse than they've ever been this month - almost gasping with it - which really concerns me. Have told docs but will make the point even more strongly next time. 

Bring on the weekend for one and all x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hello all

How is everyone on here?

Another week has flown by in a school-shaped haze.  I have come to see my life as 2 completely independent entities - school, where I can act the part, do my job well and get a real buzz out of it, and home (weekends) when home life hits me like a ton of bricks and I nearly burst into tears on the bus, like this evening!

Anyone else feel this schizophrenia?!

My husband and I long for Fridays and have a routine of get the fire on, then Silent Witness and a takeaway! but come Saturday morning I sometimes can hardly get out of bed for the grief. It's so crappy. Books to mark all day Sunday and then back to the act on monday. I'm sure I'm not alone in this cruel cycle.

2 more pregnancy accouncements this week, a bit of a curveball which made me catch my breath. When did I become so resentful of other people - my friends' - happiness?

Anyway, just needed to vent. Lucky to like my job, students and colleagues, but feel like I'll look up and 10 years will be gone.

Love to all and happy Friday x x


----------



## A J

Bahhumbug you struck a cord with me.
Keep going all week, enjoy Fri then the rest of the weekend is a bit of a downer.
Just come home from our regular Friday Indian restaurant trip, some choccies coming up and a bit of TV. Tomorrow will be a different story,  but determined to make the most of it.
I hate Sundays- planning, INCERTS etc!!! Ready for another round Mon morning.

My colleague who is 17 weeks pregnant has not stopped comlaining- she even had a day off for back ache this week. Get a grip!

Hope everyone has a bit of 'you' time this weekend..

Lucky me I have Jury Service next week so a break from the same old, just wish I didn't have 8 annual reviews to write in a week

AJ xx


----------



## kitty55

I know what it's like. My college where I have worked now for 4 weeks doesn't know we're going for IVF. I am still debating with myself whether I should at least let my boss know (who is a very nice lady indeed and appreciates all the stuff I have done in those 4 weeks already). Not sure though as one of the girls who started with me and does the same job as myself just in a different dept just announced last week she's 15 weeks pregnant. So I guess college might not be delighted if they knew about me  xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Morning AJ and Kitty

AJ: I hope you manage to get the marking done. I hate psyching myself up but it makes the Sunday feeling better, I suppose. Love to you today

Kitty: congratulations on the new job; it sounds like it's going really well so that's great. Your boss sounds like a good person, too. The circumstances with the other colleague are frustrating; what a pain. Maybe lay low for a couple more weeks if you can and see how the land lies. 

Luck to you both x


----------



## Musicwife

So much you guys are saying resonates! Friday's are our crash day too, me and hubby are both teachers. We always intend to have a lovely evening enjoying each other's company but by 9pm, we're usually asleep!

Sunday's are our work days too. So happy marking to those of you who have to face the huge pile of books or essays this weekend - I feel your pain!

I've got a conundrum with work too. I've been really unhappy at work recently (lots of stuff to do with the school) so on the off chance I applied for another job, never thinking I'd get it. Yesterday I went for final interview and was appointed as a vice principal. Career wise it's brilliant and I'm so excited, but im on my last round of clomid and have an appointment with my consultant in February to discuss IVF. 

How long have people had to wait between initial appointments and the beginning of treatment on the nhs. Although obviously I would be over the moon if I got pregnant this month, I don't want my first day to have to involve a conversation about how many hospital appointments I might have! Starting to panic a bit!!!!!


----------



## aliced

Bah humbug sorry you are feeling so low. Big hugs.
Alice x


----------



## kitty55

Bahhumbug said:


> Kitty: congratulations on the new job; it sounds like it's going really well so that's great. Your boss sounds like a good person, too. The circumstances with the other colleague are frustrating; what a pain. Maybe lay low for a couple more weeks if you can and see how the land lies.
> 
> Luck to you both x


Thanks *Bahhumbug*, my first appt with the clinic is on 23rd so it's not that much time left unfortunately . Or I should probably rather say luckily as I am looking forward to finally getting started 



Musicwife said:


> How long have people had to wait between initial appointments and the beginning of treatment on the nhs. Although obviously I would be over the moon if I got pregnant this month, I don't want my first day to have to involve a conversation about how many hospital appointments I might have! Starting to panic a bit!!!!!


Congrats *Musicwife* on becoming vice principal . We've had a copy of our referral letter to the clinic in the post start of January and our first appt at the clinic as mentioned above is 23rd Febr and afterwards I heard depending on treatment it might just be a couple of weeks so not long at all really from referral. Good luck to you - hope the clomid does its job

xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

aliced said:


> Bah humbug sorry you are feeling so low. Big hugs.
> Alice x
> [/quote
> 
> Thank you. Woken up feeling with a bit more energy and enthusiasm so hoping to reclaim at least some of the weekend with some brightness. Thank you.


----------



## andade

Hi all,

Bahhumbug and AJ, hope you are feeling better today and more positive!   
It can be difficult juggling what you are going through and school.
Hopefully, you will get to do something nice today. Maybe go out for a meal or do something that makes you feel better!  I know it doesn't compensate for what you wish for but little pleasures can help.

Musicwife - Congratulations! 
You have to think about your happiness and we can't let this journey we are on dictate everything.  See how it goes. I have had quite a few appointments in the last few months but no questions asked.  We do have to give in copies of the letters but I block out what I don't want the school to see.  I too am also looking for a job and it does play on my mind abut I have decided if treatment doesn't work I will still be in a job where I am unhappy so might as well take control of one part of my life! 

Kitty -Can't you just apply for medical leave of absence?  That way the school doesn't have to know about IVF until you actually embark on treatment and even then you might be able to get signed off with gynae issues.

I'm usually fine but had a blip.  I walked past a pregnant woman and the baby section in the supermarket last night and suddenly felt very despondent, low and a bit of a failure!  I think it was because I was meant to have my pre-treatment appointment next Tuesday but had to cancel it as I now have to have surgery to remove fibroids again! I had psyched myself up to start treatment.     

This journey has been a long one with obstacles always in the way!
Have a nice weekend all, x


----------



## Dory10

Sending out lots of hugs   , not long until half term now although this year in particular it seems all over the place for different LAs!

musicwife - congratulations on your new promotion, let's hope it is the start of many happy things this year.

Kitty - glad you are settled in and already making a really good impression.

Andade - Sorry to hear about the delays to starting treatment, I understand how frustrating that it is but hopefully your op will give you a fighting chance come IVF time.

Humbug - Juts take one day at a time, that's all you can do.

Hope the planning, marking,assessments etc etc are not getting everyone down too much.

Dory
xxx


----------



## Musicwife

Thanks all for the congrats!   Andade, that was my thinking, don't wat to be unhappy in every area of my life! Sorry to hear about the delay in your treatment, but it will only make you healthier and stronger for when you do finally start it. 

Bahumbug  and AJ - hope you're having a good day today. I know it can feel really hard, today I met my best friends new baby girl who is 3 days old. It was really difficult at first, right from when I found out she had got pregnant by 'mistake' up until I looked after her oldest whilst she was having the baby, even though she tried hard to shield me from it. I really was worried about today and meeting the baby. When my friend left the room I found myself having a quiet cry whilst I held her and yes some of it was jealousy, but a lot of it was the ridiculous rush of love I felt for her immediately - I have already been asked to be her godmother! 

Hopefully you're not all working too hard and you have planned something nice for the half term. In the meantime, dory's got it in one - one day at a time ladies, that's all we can do! Xx


----------



## Cloclo15

Know exactly how you feel, have been there is the past and it is awful - I got by on autopilot (to an extent though I do that all the time now though as a working mum, life is very compartmentalised).

AJ, does your colleague who is 17 weeks pregnant and complaining know about your IVF struggles? That is a bit unfeeling, but if she doesn't know try not to be too harsh. Teaching is very demanding when pregnant - you are on your feet all day and if you are unlucky enough to get SPD it can be very painful. Also if you catch the kids lurgy you can't take anything to make yourself feel better. My colleague at work is about to start IVF and I have been talking to her about her appts etc and giving her support where possible. But it doesn't mean I wouldn't have a gripe to my other colleague about my legs aching or ask a kid to carry a heavy bag for me.


----------



## A J

Musicwife...congratulations, that's fantastic news! xx

Cloclo..yes, I know I am probably a bit harsh but this colleague doesn't stop complaining. 

I guess that for my 9 miscarriages I just had to work through them. Plus years of running around getting scans etc during all the ivf cycles, flying to Greece and back three times during weekends for DE tx' s, then back to work on the Mon mornings like nothing had happened. But,  as nobody knew I just had to grin and bare it, and not complain.

To hear someone complaining about a perfectly healthy pregnancy, apart from the fact that her 'husband is to blame for this' does get my blood boiling at times...but that's just me

AJ xx


----------



## kitty55

A J said:


> To hear someone complaining about a perfectly healthy pregnancy, apart from the fact that her 'husband is to blame for this' does get my blood boiling at times...but that's just me
> 
> AJ xx


No I am exactly the same. Those people don't have the slightest idea how good and easy they have it and I hate hearing stuff like that. My sis-in-law who fell pregnant unexpectedly whilst waiting for her first appt at the gynae to be referred for assisted conception somewhere complained once while I was sitting next to her. She became quiet as soon as she noticed what a stupid thing she said sitting next to me who she knew would have to go through IVF. She never did it again. xx


----------



## Cloclo15

I was always really open about our IVF so I don't think I ever experienced anything like you describe - people are always more careful if they know I suppose. They were also very understanding of all the odd morning cover lessons for scans etc because of it. And the week I had for EC/ET in March last year. Not that I think you should tell anyone you don't want to - it's personal choice, and workplaces are different.

Years ago though I used to be scornful of women who had time off for pregnancy related ailments etc - having been on the other side of it now, I am less so. On my first pregnancy I got OHSS and was off for a week with that, and then the hormones exacerbated my colitis and I had to take a week off with that too. I am sure people were cursing me at the time, but I couldn't have gone in.

A pregnant colleague of mine is currently off for several weeks with back ache. I know she wouldn't be off if she didn't need to be. We all have different bodies and different experiences of pregnancy (and IVF for that matter - I overstim on my cycles, especially my first, and it was more painful to recover from EC than it was from my C-section. That is why I am always astounded and impressed when people can return to work the day after, yet I was up and about much sooner after my C-section than a lot of my friends). 

If your colleague is being particularly annoying, either avoid her or tell her - it would soon shut her up!


----------



## A J

I wish I could have been open and honest about it all in work and had more support and time off over the years but with the amount of cycles I did I don't think I would have a job left


----------



## Cloclo15

That's a real shame AJ, and I feel for you. I would have found it so hard without being able to confide in people at work - does your HT know? I have been lucky in that I have only done three cycles in total, and I definitely think the sympathy wore thin from my HT when I was trying for my second - hence timing a cycle in Summer (though that was also to avoid as much stress as possible). 

I didn't shout our experience from the rooftops, but enough people knew that a colleague going through the same thing felt able to confide in me so that I could support/advise her.

I wish you all the best, and if you can't tell the annoying pregnant colleague so she realises how lucky she is, I would do my best to avoid her completely. While pregnancy can be tough and I do think we should make allowances for health problems experienced so that people can have healthy pregnancies for their babies, unfortunately some woman can end up in a pregnancy bubble where everything revolves around them and their pregnancy and they are unable to think beyond that.


----------



## A J

Thanks....bit difficult to avoid her though as I teach in a very small primary school with 5 teachers. Plus she lives 2 streets away....small mercies, we don't car share anymore!

Nice to be out of school today as I have Jury Service this week, no case for me today but fingers crossed for tomorrow  
AJ x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Well had my first day back this term, after my failed cycle 😭 wasn't as bad as expected as they gave me the morning off from teaching to allow me to get my bearings and do some planning which was nice. Had my return to work interview with acting deputy and as she is so nice I promptly burst into tears when asked how I was...some of it was anxiety about going back. She was very supportive throughout which was a blessing. The students were happy to see me and a few yr11 also asked if I was going to leave them again as that's twice this year....oh to be wanted!!😀💜

But roll on round 3 👍😊 x


----------



## emmapoppy

I'm glad to read that most of you have understanding colleagues, most of mine know about my goings on but they are all really supportive which is great. 
However I have a job interview on Monday for a permanent job (temp at my current school) and I had a mini breakdown last night with the stress of that along with the usual pressures from my school, as well as starting my first round of treatment. It's so hard to prioritise when everything needs doing at once. There just aren't enough hours in the day!!!!!


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba - glad you have got your first day over and done with, they are always the hardest!

emmapoppy - Good luck for Monday, preparing for interviews is hard enough at the best of times, deep breaths...

Well it's the weekend    Hope everyone has somethings planned other than just school stuff.

Dory
xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Dory I rarely bring school work home, let alone on a weekend, instead having a girly day shopping in Newcastle with my mum tomorrow and a relaxing Sunday before the chaos starts again!

Did get a hug from a Yr7 student today, I was like 'what are you doing?' She said 'oh miss I've really missed you and am so happy you came back' 😃😃 if only they were all like that....well not the hug thing but the being me part!

X


----------



## aliced

Ameoba that is so lovely to feel missed and wanted. Glad your first day went well. I am also preparing for round 3, just waiting for a date.
Alice x


----------



## patbaz

Hi girls. 

A one that was very sweet that a pupil said you were missed. I doubt mine would even notice if I was off lol. 

Dory Alice and I very one else. I hope you are all well xx
I have had a tough week. I didn't get the promotion I went for and DH sister had her baby. Feeling quite low and my confidence has taken a knock. I am booked in for my scratch on 17its during half term so no need to ask for the ime of. Then it will be a wait until I start my af and the. The lovely drugs. I have my sis hen do at end of month and I'm dreading it as they will all be really drunk and I will be sober as a judge. I am hoping it will be 7th time lucky for me. I need to find some positivity from somewhere.


----------



## Dory10

Pat - Sorry about the promotion    and I hope that now your SIL has had the baby it becomes a little easier, I always find pregnancy and pending arrivals worse than babies for some reason.  It's good that your scratch has landed in half term, one less appointment to ask for time off for.  Really hoping no 7 is your lucky cycle   . 

Hugs 

Dory
xxx


----------



## patbaz

Thanks Dory my due date is Friday and I'm dreading how I will be. I know that it's wrong but I feel very jealous of SIL because she wasn't trying baby was a happy accident. I feel resentment towards her because it should've been me. I know that sounds terrible and in not normally this way but my broken heart is still mending!


----------



## aliced

Oh Patbaz you don't sound terrible at all. It is totally normal to feel the way you do. I'm like Dory, I find the pregnancy harder then the baby. 
I hope you are trying to chill this weekend but I know it is easier said than done.
Big hugs your way,
Alice x


----------



## patbaz

Thanks always alife but I am babysitting my 4 nephews this weekend they mak age to keep me busy


----------



## Dory10

Pat - Big hugs for this week and especially Friday, due dates are always hard  .  With both of mine I fluctuated between wanting it to come quickly so I could face it and get it out of the way and then never wanting it to come around.  It's natural to feel the way you do towards your SIL, as much as we don't want to feel that way it's just there.  I still have a hard time seeing a good friend who always went on about never wanting children and then when she came off the pill hey presto 9 month later a healthy baby.  Life is never fair is it?

Hope you're ok Alice?

Dory
xxx


----------



## aliced

I am okay thanks Dory, well I am getting through each day but having a down day today. 
Wishing us all lots of luck and roll on half term.
Alice x


----------



## A J

Patbaz sending you a virtual hug....fingers crossed this week will be a bit easier for you. Life is a bummer sometimes  

Roll on half term, next Friday for me....I think that's pretty much the same for everyone and then a short half term!! xx


----------



## Musicwife

Patbaz and Aliced, hope you're feeling a bit better - like AJ says - half term soon! It can't come quick enough! 

So today was horrendous! I had a parent screaming in my face and f ing and blinding like you wouldn't believe! In 12 years of teaching, I have never, ever been spoken to by a parent like that!  I know it wasn't personal, she's done this to several other members of staff and subsequently is banned from site. She came into school today and I dealt with her, hence her awful behaviour when I asked her to calm down and leave. What really got me was she was doing this in front of all of the children at home time, including her own child who is seriously screwed up. How are people like this allowed to keep their kids?! Days like today feel really unfair and I've come home lower than I have for weeks. So awful when there are so many people on here who are desperate and would make amazing mummies. Raaaahhhh, rant over - just had to get it out to people who would understand! 
Hugs xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Today has been a very bad day....there are to be 2 compulsory redundancies from my department but 3 staff are exempt due to their current post...so leaves 7 of us but I am 99% certain I will be one of them as I am the only one not to teach Alevel and that carries points...aaaarrrrgghh I am still trying to deal with my negative cycle and going back to work (this was my 4th day of teaching) to be told this!!! I just want to run away and hide


----------



## Bahhumbug

Oh Amoeba, how awful. 
I hope you have the energy and resilience to fight your corner if it comes to it.
I don't mean to sound trite but you don't know what the future will hold.

Thinking about you this evening and sending good vibes and positivity

Xx


----------



## Musicwife

Amoeba, that's awful, you poor love! How does the phrase go? 'Don't let the buggers get you down'?! Just get through one day at a time and I'm sure that the universe will right itself in the end for you.

Sending lots of   Xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks musicwife. I left the staff meeting with tears forming and broke down when I got home, I just feel so low and this hasn't helped xx


----------



## aliced

Oh musicwife and amoeba, sounds like you've both had a really tough day. Sending big hugs your way. Musicwife,  I totally understand, it is so bloody unfair.
Thanks for asking about me, I'm better now, work keeps me busy. It's when I get chance to think that I get down about things. 2 more days girls, hang in there


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba -    This is horrible for you and not what you need as you slowly pick yourself up after your last cycle, sadly things always seem to come in groups like this, we seem to have all sorts thrown at us over the last 6 months, just keep stepping lovely and it will level itself (I have to keep believing this)     xxxx

music wife - oh parents!  They honestly can be worse than the children, I'm glad your school is supportive though and has measures in place to ban such people from the site.  Hope they made you a big cuppa after that ordeal.


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba and music wife I'm sorry your having such a rubbish time. I am sending you big hugs xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hello all

Anyone doing anything nice for half term?

It's really sunny here. We're trying to get some work done before having a night away tomorrow - only the next town along but staying over gives us the chance to go out for dinner and not have to hurry for the last train.

Getting my period today had rather put the brakes on productivity - and has sent me back to bed with the pain! Feel like I could puke and it's then usual depressing realisation setting in again. Was our last chance to get pregnant naturally before the IFV journey which looms large. 

Have bought myself a houseful of daffodils to cheer myself up - they always help! Such cheerful and joyous plants!

Hope everyone is ok and it is sunny where you are x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Not doing anything exciting this half-term, my dad is in hospital so every day is visiting him and have started job hunting due to the redundancy situation at work...but who is going to want to employ someone that has been absent for 12weeks so far this academic year?!?! But you never know  
My review appt is also on Friday after my bfn in January so got the worry/anxiety/excitement for that too!

Hope you are all having a nice break xx


----------



## Musicwife

Oh amoeba!      You really are going through it aren't you? Try and have some 'me' time too even though things are tough. Have you got some other things you can look forward to?

Bahumbug, I love daffodils too! I hope having your house filled with them has brought some happiness and that you're feeling a bit better today.

We had a meeting with our consultant yesterday and we've been told ivf is our next step. So the funding application is being written now. I'm really nervous about it and don't know what to expect. Fortunately they've said it will take some time - I wasn't looking forward to starting my new job in April only to have to explain that I'd be spending the next month in and out of hospital! Still, now that decisions made I intend to enjoy the last few days of freedom.

Hope everyone has something nice planned before the dreaded return on Monday! 
Xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Amoeba

I hope Friday's review is as positive and supportive as possible x x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks bahhumbug and musicwife. I certainly hope it's a positive consultation on Friday. Yesterday my friend who cycled 2 weeks after me in January had her 6w scan and its twins, which has kinda thrown my emotions too as I am so happy for her but also gutted and jealous at the same time....wonder if it will ever be me! That's both ppl that cycled with me at summer pregnant one is 27 weeks and the other 6 and I have a miscarriage and a bfn....not fair!!!


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba huni it's natural to feel that way. Don't be too hard on yourself xx

AFM I didn't get the promotion not sure if I said but onwards and upwards as they say and Tuesday I had my endo scratch so now waiting on AF I have my planning appointment today so I will let you know how I go. 

How's everyone else doing? You all enjoying half term??


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba -   Sending hugs as it sounds like you could do with them at the moment and as Pat says those pangs at your friend's announcement are completely natural.  I never wish someone else isn't pregnant, just that I was too. 

Music - It's good you have some dates in mind for IVF and that you are able to get settled into your new job first too.

Patbaz - Sorry about the job but glad that you have had your scratch and planning apt, hope it went well.

Dory
xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks dory and patbaz. I know it's normal to feel like this but still feel guilty for feeling like this! I am overjoyed for my friend as its been a long road for her and from day 1 I said she would have twins this cycle...which she refused to believe until the scan and her scan pics are beautiful!!  Hopefully third time lucky for me xx


----------



## patbaz

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you amoeba x

Dory how are you doing huni??

AFM planning all went well so next ag ready to go again. Lucky no 7 for me maybe Bring it on!!! I have my nephews christening on Sunday he was born a week before my due date and at first I found it really tough that SIL was pregnant when I should have been but now that the wee man is here I live him to bits


----------



## Dory10

Hi Pat - I'm doing ok thanks, shattered but feel like I've got lots of planning sorted for school this afternoon so can hopefully have a bit of a relax this weekend!  Glad your apt went well and definitely lucky number 7 for you     .  xxx


----------



## emmapoppy

Hi everyone,

Apologies in advance for the following moan but....first day back at work  and three babies have been born, two mums have announced pregnancies, there has been two announcements from friends on ** and I have had quite enough! I know people are perfectly within their right for all of the above to happen but when I didn't even need to bother with a pg test because AF arrived and my consultants secretary is apparently the guardian of all of my test results and therefore next possible steps in my treatment, I just want to scream and cry. It all just feels so unfair sometimes. 

Hoping everyone else's first day back was much more gentle  Xx


----------



## aliced

Emmapoppy I feel for you, what a tough day. I know how you feel, it isn't fair. 
Forget its Monday and have a glass of wine. It is my motto


----------



## Bahhumbug

Emmapoppy

What a crap day. I am screaming for you x x


----------



## patbaz

Emmapoppy I am sending you a virtual hug huni. I hope that today is a better day for you xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

First IVF appointment this afternoon. Mixed feelings...
X


----------



## kitty55

Bahhumbug said:


> First IVF appointment this afternoon. Mixed feelings...
> X


Hope it went well *Bahhumbug* x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Emmapoppy hope today was a better one x

Bahhumbug hope appt went well today xxx


----------



## Dory10

Emmapoppy - sending a hug  , it's hard when everyone seems to be falling pregnant so easily and there's no escape when it's at work too.

humbug - How was your apt today?

Hi everyone  

Dory
xxx


----------



## Musicwife

Emmapoppy and everyone else who's having a rough day.

Bahhumbug, really hoping today went well for you.  

Xx


----------



## emmapoppy

Thank you everyone, only one mum announced yesterday! I suppose it can't be helped because of the age of children I teach but hey ho! 

Only four weeks to go (sort of!) 

Hope everyone else is having a nice week Xx


----------



## Dory10

He he Emmapoppy, glad I'm not the only one counting down already!

xxx


----------



## patbaz

Bahumbug I hope all went well today. I picked up my drugs today and I feel exactly the same way huni x


----------



## A J

Did we really only have a holiday a matter of days ago? Jeepers...shattered already. My colleague who hasn't stopped complaining about her pregnancy came in armed with scan photo today. I'm finding it really difficult- there is baby talk constantly and such a small school I can't get away. She is working right up until the end of the school year so a long way to go yet.

Hope everyone else is doing better
AJ xx


----------



## Dory10

AJ - That's really hard, I hope she calms down on the baby talk a bit for you.

Pat -    Starts to seem very real when the drugs arrive doesn't it?

It's Friday!

Dory
xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hi all

Haven't posted in here for a while. Now almost a week in to down-regging after an encouraging, if rushed, appointment at the clinic. Staff all very nice. No side effects to speak of so far and having the usual period pain signs so expecting that any day. Hated having to do the preg test before we started - what a kick in the teeth!  

Feeling pretty negative and pessimistic about the whole thing for Se reason and I think it's more than self-preservation. Being pregnant, let alone having a baby here, in this house living life with us! seems a world away. 

Acupuncturist told me off for being negative but I can't help it!

Wedding coming up which will be grim with no denning and the inevitable questions/prying.

Oh well, holidays within sight and even summer's not too far off! Chin up, chicken!

How is everyone today? X


----------



## patbaz

Bahumbug I am delighted to see you've started tx again. I wish you all the luck in the world sweetie as you deserve it. Get your positivity hat on and fake it to make it if need be!!

AFM I am due in for ec on Wednesday so I'm on the crazy rollercoaster again too. Not really sure how I'm feeling tbh but feel like I'm doing the right thing for me at this point in time. 

I hope everyone else is well. Roll on the easter break 😃


----------



## Dory10

Sending lots of love and luck to Humbug and Pat    

Dory
xxx


----------



## Newlywed2014

Hi Ladies,
Hope its ok for me to say hi to you all. Im a teacher to we've been TTC for the 12 months since we got married,I know that isnt long and were both under 30 but its wearing me down not having anyone to talk to about it. At work the staffroom is all single women talking about dates or mums talking about play dates, feel like i'm not in either camp. 
The worst part about teaching and ttc is all the horrible mums and dads you meet when you want a baby so bad and they got one that they dont look after which I know is a horrible thing to say but last month in a meeting a mum pregnant with twins told us she hoped the school would burn down with everyone in it!


----------



## patbaz

Newlywed once your trying each month feels like a year so don't apologise huni. Yep the lovely parents some of the pupils have can be difficult to deal with but you have to stay professional and then scream when you're in the car on the way home!  At least that's what I do lol


----------



## Newlywed2014

Sometimes I wish I worked at Waterloo Road on the TV they get to take the kids home and look after them and when we have social services cases thats all I want to do. We have a GP appointment at the end of April to talk about what happens next which at least is something to look forward to.


----------



## bugbabe77

Hi all - can I join you? Am a SEN teacher in a 14-19 school and with the job comes ridiculous amounts of stress (of course) and currently worry as the HT has announced that due to our falling intake, there are to be redundancies. 
The consultation period is going on now and I'm flying to norway next week for my one and only ivf treatment - I'm so scared that I'm the teacher that will be made redundant as I don't know what we'll do if that's it. 
Coupled with this misery, one teacher has announced her pregnancy this week (she told me 6 weeks ago when she found out - she knows about my treatment) and one other is off this week after being hospitalised last weekend with an ectopic. 
The HT has made no secret of the fact she wants these two teachers to be in school when our next OFSTED comes around and basically left the rest of us feeling like we're inadequate. 
I'm so stressed out - HT knows about my IVF as I had to fight to get a day off as we're flying back on the first day back after Easter hols. She's not the most supportive of heads - kinda like a wolf in Sheeps clothing! 

Thank god there are other teachers out there that understand the pressures of treatment and school - my husband has no idea - he thinks school life is easy and I'm sitting down all day long.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Welcome bugbabe and newlywed   

I totally get where you're coming from bugbabe, we are currently filling in selection criteria submissions for compulsory redundancies and then today I get told that I'm going on a support program - guess it will be me getting made redundant! We have 3 ppl pregnant at the moment, one of whom has just returned from maternity! My HT knows about the Ivf as I've had 2 rounds this academic year and am about to embark on a third, they have told me that if I took redundancy then it would reduce stress which would help me --- yeah right as I'll have no money for a baby; even more like its me getting made redundant! 

Am now on holiday though so going to try and relax! Hope everyone else has a great holiday  xx


----------



## aliced

Hello everyone,
It is the holidays  
What a tough half term it's been, Ofsted and a hystoscopy for me.
I hope everyone is okay. 
Alice x


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba here has to be a criteria for redundancy? Surely they can't just decide it's going to be you??  I'm sending you big hugs. Enjoy your hols. Ours don't start until next Thursday and my OTD is Easter Sunday. It can't come too soon!


----------



## aliced

Oh and good luck Patbaz, I hope the two week wait is not going too slowly for you


----------



## patbaz

It's driving me nuts Alice tbh. I'm not overly confident this time at all but what will be will be!  How did your ofsted go?


----------



## aliced

I think it's a coping mechanisation to not be confident, we are all guilty of it. I hope you're trying to relax as much as possible, easier said than done, I know. 
Ofsted went well, school got a good so hopefully they will stay away for a while now.
Lots of luck to you and your little embryo.
x


----------



## patbaz

Aww thanks huni x


----------



## Dory10

Alice - Bless you having the dreaded O word, glad all went well and as you say they should stay away for a while now.  Relax and enjoy the hols!

Pat - Sending lots of     your way.

Amoeba - Hope you manage to get a rest over the Easter hols and manage to relax a little, there is nothing worse than redundancy hanging over you, it creates a horrible atmosphere in school.  Have you spoken to your union at all?

Welcome bugbabe and newlywed   

Dory
xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Good luck pat as, fingers crossed it's a bfp for you   How are you coping with 2ww?
There is criteria...unfortunately looking at my timetable and others I am at bottom due to no KS5 teaching that all the others do. We know it's my dept that will have compulsory redundancies! I am a union rep so have heavy involvement with union...they saying that if it comes down to timetable I could possibly take to tribunal as I don't control my timetable and out of 11 teachers in m&s y dept I am the only one without KS5 so am at a massive disadvantage however shool trying to say timetables done equally...hmmm 10:1 for ks5 is not equal!

Aliced glad ofsted went well, and is now out the way! I also had a hysteroscopy this term..,well actually it was just on Tuesday  

I am so had I've finished this week as don't think I've got enough in me to go until next week, it seems like the never ending term but wasn't helped by my bfn in January putting me on a downward spiral x


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba I would fight it to the end as that is discriminatory. It's not your fault that time tabling was done this way!  You're as qualified as anyone else in your dept to teach to ks5 so it shouldn't make a difference. This makes me so cross!


----------



## Amoeba1705

It makes me and my Union bosses cross too...they e actually emailed saying I've been put at disadvantage so could take to appeal or tribunal...just got to wait and see. X


----------



## patbaz

Well if you ever need a rant you know where we are. 

Dory just noticed your post. Thanks huni. I hope that you're doing ok??


----------



## Dory10

Yes thanks Pat just so grateful to have broken up today (sorry) you can rub it in when we're all back and you have an extra week still!  xxx


----------



## patbaz

No such luck dory!! Our school only gets 1 week and 1 day at easter but when our school hols start on the 26th June i will be rubbing it in then lol


----------



## Dory10

Oh Pat I really will be jealous then, we have a killer 8 weeker at the end, why do they orgnaise it like that? xxx


----------



## aliced

Thanks everyone for your well wishes.
Ameoba how spooky, I also had mine on Tuesday I had Wednesday off to recover and then back to school. How was yours?
x


----------



## patbaz

Northern Ireland terms are different. We work right through from easter to end of June with no half term then we are off until last week in August


----------



## Amoeba1705

Aliced I had no sedation only a diclofenac suppository! They did a biopsy too which was excruciating but otherwise went ok. I was back at work next day, running about like a loony as I do with the run up to GCSEs! X

I will be counting down until half term as soon as we go back after the hols as I should be on the 2ww by then 😊


----------



## Newlywed2014

We're not on Hols for another week   but then were going away as its our wedding anniversary over Easter, the only downside is that AF is also due on our wedding anniversary! Hope everyone has a nice break x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Newlywed it's my anniversary during the holidays too, we got married Easter weekend 3 yrs ago...oh and AF due for me too!!! X


----------



## Newlywed2014

Amoeba1705 its such rubbish timing! Or it could be great I suppose but finding it hard to be hopeful like I was in the first 6 or so months


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hello all

Hope this finds you well this Easter weekend. What do people have planned?

We have friends staying Who didnt know about our TTC until it all came out last night - off to face them now for the morning after the night before!

We picked up our drugs from the clinic and had to laugh at now many there are! Odd and kinda cool to get our own sharps box!  Just crept down stairs to do my first solo injection. Making babies this way isn't as much fun.

Feeling really flu-ey but that may be cause ive recently come back from a school trip. Hope i'm not ill all of the hols.

Promotion opportunity to get my head round at work when i return so should really write my application this hols. Such bad timing as the interviene will be egg collection time! And i'm not even sure i want the job - if we werent going though this itd be a no-brainer but i'm Just not sure i could handle it. Oh well, we've decided i should at least go through the motions of applying and do the soul-searching later.

Off to make tea and seek out my visitors.

I hope you're doing nice spring-like things today x


----------



## patbaz

Good luck bahhumbug with everything. 

AFM I had et just over a week ago and my af showed up on Wednesday. Gutted to say the least. Not sure where to go from here.


----------



## Bahhumbug

I'm so sorry to read that, Patbaz x

Sending you love and hoping you have kind people around at this time


----------



## Amoeba1705

Patbaz as am gutted for you xxx   

Good luck with everything bahhumbug xx

Nothing much planned for Easter weekend, other than today I am meeting a friend from my first round who is 12weeks with twins from her second round, and visiting my dad in hospital...but hopefully he will get out over the weekend xx


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba I also have a vomiting and diarrhoea bug so feeling pretty crappy but at least it's the school hols 😌


----------



## Amoeba1705

Patbaz it sounds like you're really going through it   not a great start to the holidays for you xxx


----------



## aliced

Patbaz I am so sorry to hear that. Sending you lots of hugs  
It is a really crap time you're having. I hope you and OH can try and enjoy the weekend. 
Thinking of you x


----------



## GGbear

Hello Ladies,

I am GGbear im from the southwest and have another feed that i belong to which has been really supportive. I am on my 2ww at the moment sat at home trying to occupy myself thinking of anything else except am i or am i not!!

I saw your feed in the recent topics box and and as a a qualified art teacher i felt like i might belong to your little group as well  

Ive had a little read of your feed and sympathize with your concerns and worries and its so good to have like minded people who are going through the same thing to talk to.

AFM - 2 years ago i was the head of a small Art department in a lovely little private school in South Wales after dating my boyfriend for a year we decided to move in together and I made the leap to move to Bristol  to be with him because I knew he was the one. and the teaching profession can be so much easier to find work in ie supply work, academic support, LSA's etc.  The plan was to get a little job to ensure the move then keep a look out for a rewarding Art job. 

I am currently a student support worker in a city college the pay is low but just enough to be able to do some nice things and the work uses my transferable skills but it doesn't really stretch me. I was frustrated at first. But one of the main advantages has been the reduction in stress and work load.

No lesson planning - No marking - No heavy Department or Faculty meetings I just show up to class support the named student input some feedback about them electronically and im out of there for the day!

It has been a god send during my IVF process, I was originally 3 stone over weight and after our initial appointment was told to come back when my BMI was more favorable. So after 6 months of eating salads and grapefruit i achieved goal and went back within 3 wks i was on meds, achieved 8 follicles, 6 eggs and finally I had 2 blastocysts transferred this wednesday and here I am now on my 2ww 

I found it easier to tell my bosses in work and the teachers i supported they have been very supportive and understanding, they allowed me 5 paid annual days holiday to attend appointments but where possible i was encouraged to arrange appointments outside of my working hours not always that easy to do of course. Trickiest part was having to set an alarm at 12 to take my nasal spray and step outside of lessons to quickly sniff then when i would come back in i'd feel all heady and not as able to focus and support my student.

I plan to test next saturday fingers crossed it will be a BFP and i can sail in to work on Monday with a smile on my face rather than if its a BFN if that is the case ill be phoning in sick on the monday i think as having to cope with the sympathy might tip me over  the edge!

Hope you guys have a well deserved rest over Easter

GG bear


----------



## patbaz

Welcome ggbear and good luck x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Welcome ggbear


----------



## Dory10

Pat - Sending many many gentle hugs      Wish there was more I could say, take care of yourself xxx


GGbear - Good luck  

Amoeba - Hope they discharge your dad  

Humbug - Have fun with your visitors and go for that job  

Hugs to all 

Dory
xxx


----------



## patbaz

Thanks dory and congrats on your news. I am delighted for you and wish you all the luck in the world x


----------



## aliced

Congratulations Dory, how have I missed this?
Wow, wishing you a healthy 9 months.
Alice x


----------



## Dory10

Pat - Thank you so much, I know how hard it must be to see my update just now   xxx

Alice - Thank you   xxx

Hope everyone has a restful long weekend  

Dory
xxx


----------



## patbaz

Don't be silly Dory I know what you've been through and I can't think of anyone more deserving of a little happiness than you my lovely. The thing about this forum is that not matter how sad you are or how much your heart is breaking it gives you hope when you see someone who has struggled get good news. So enjoy every second of it. I know it won't be easy for you but you have support here if and when you need us xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Congrats Dory...not sure how I missed that announcement xxx   

My dad thinks he may get discharged Tuesday with it being a bank holiday weekend but we will have to see x


----------



## patbaz

That's great news about your dad amoeba


----------



## aliced

patbaz said:


> Don't be silly Dory I know what you've been through and I can't think of anyone more deserving of a little happiness than you my lovely. The thing about this forum is that not matter how sad you are or how much your heart is breaking it gives you hope when you see someone who has struggled get good news. So enjoy every second of it. I know it won't be easy for you but you have support here if and when you need us xx


I couldn't agree more with this, always extra special when someone who has struggled gets their precious bfp.


----------



## Bahhumbug

Wowww! Dory, congratulations!!

You have been so, so kind to us and have personally got me through some dark days.

Very, very much deserved!


----------



## Dory10

Ah bless you all    Thank you, still just taking it all one step at a time as it is so early but we've all got to have hope 

Sending lots of   and hugs your way  

Dory
xxx


----------



## Sidd

Congrats Dory!!!! 🌹 That's amazing news, sorry I didn't realise 

Happy Easter ladies! I hope you all get to have a well earned break 😀 🐣🐰🐥
Sending you all hugs x


----------



## Dory10

Thank you Sidd    How are you doing?  Are you still able to do your part time or have you had to go back up to full?  Hope your Easter is peaceful xxxx


----------



## Sidd

I'm workin part time until the new September term..it's really helped thank you😄 amazing how having a few days to myself has actually helped.' I know I have to go full time in the long run but just not yet 😛
I'm so happy to read your news..enjoy this very special precious time, we will all be thinking of you x


----------



## Musicwife

Wow massive congrats Dory!    what great news!

Patbaz, sorry things are rough atm, sending  

Amoeba,hope your dad's feeling better.

Just thought I'd drop by and wish everyone a lovely Easter holiday - I went away last week with my sister in law and her 3 yo and 16 month old, goodness it was tough! Secretly battled through and loved every minute, even relished dirty nappies! 

Now trying desperately to recover from the flu so I can avoid doing any work before we go back on Monday! 

Enjoy the sun and the rest of the break


----------



## Banjo55

Hi. I posted on this thread early on.  Since posting I have left teaching.  Including the time off for stress I've been out of the classroom for 6 months.  I figured that I would find other work quite quickly as I've always managed to find work when I needed it in the past but apart from a short temping job that hasn't happened. 

I still feel guilty for leaving. I didn't imagine when I first went off with stress that I wouldn't return to school. Yet, I know that I can't go back to the stress I felt before. Listening to Radio 4's recent programme on teacher stress confirmed my feelings, not that I needed convincing that leaving was the right thing to do. 

Teaching & TTC stress was just too much for me.  I don't know how the rest of you are able to cope.  Even though I'm usually a strong person, I've come to realise that maybe I've got more of an anxious personality than I thought. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I think that's rubbish! Infertility has weakened me.

It doesn't help that I live near the school I used to teach at so I see quite a lot of my former pupils.  Last night I even had a dream that one of them was trying to get me to help them with their coursework even though I had left.  No wonder I'm still up at 3am typing this instead of trying to get some sleep!

I just feel like a failure. Without another (better paid) job I can't move forward on IVF and I'm really conscious that time is against me.  I had a fertility MOT at Create and everything checked out ok and they said my AMH was good for my age.  That gave me hope and did a lot to help lift the anxiety I had been feeling. Now that hope is slowly ebbing away.

Sorry for the long post but I really needed to offload.


----------



## patbaz

Banjo first off I want to say well done for being able to make the move and quit. It's an incredibly brave thing to do. I'm sorry you haven't been able to get any proper work since and that you're now struggling with saving for ivf. Have you thought about subbing day to day?? The pay is good and you have none of the stress. You show up when needed and you decide if you want to go in or not!  The other thing I thought was tutoring again this allows you to make a few pound with out the stress of paper work or the classroom environment. 

I think that you're incredibly brave to have done what you have but your confidence has taken a knock. You are stronger than you think you are and you need to start believing in yourself. Infertility knocks the stuffing right out of you. I know that sense of self hatred and feeling of being useless is no good for you. 

Not sure if I'm being any help but im sending you big hugs huni. 

Take care,
Pat


----------



## Amoeba1705

Banjo I think you're incredibly brave to make the decision to quit teaching, reducing your stress. Have you thought of supply teaching, I know the ones at my school are paid about the same as me but without any of the stress that goes with teaching. That way you could work day to day when you feel fit to do it but it will also give you time to focus on yourself and get you back to full strength for Ivf. Xx

I find it hard to cope with it all but I have a very supportive gp and at the moment school is being supportive too with regards to time off for appointments and they know that I will be absent for a period of time from egg collection. My stress at the moment is more due to the redundancy situation I am faced with. 

Xx


----------



## Dory10

Banjo  

I agree with Pat and Amoeba, what you have done is extremely brave.  There are no certainties in life but sometimes we have to make the plunge for our own wellbeing.  The stress at work has obviously affected you a great deal as 6 months later you are still thinking about it even subconciously during sleep so that must indicate you did the right thing.

I know the lack of financial security is scary especially when IVF relies on the extra income.  Whilst waiting for a teaching position could you do something else, even if it isn't using your vast teaching skills and expertise it might add a few pennies to the pot and help your mood a little too?

Our school too has also found a real lack of decent supply staff and sending your cv to schools in the local are might generate some interest.  One lady sent hers to us with the offer of a free afternoon of cover and we took her up on it and then as she was good have had her back a few times but as the all seem to, she was snapped up for a short term contract which has since become permanent in another school.

Take care

Dory
xxx


----------



## andade

Hi all,

I haven't been on this thread for a while but popped by to say hello.

Banjo, I just wanted to offer my support and say that you are not a failure.  You have made the right decision for yourself and there are many who wish they could do the same but are too scared of the unknown or tied by financial constraints.  The situation in some schools is really detrimental to the mental health of the staff and if you are not in that situation/environment, it is very difficult to imagine. There are hundreds of teachers who are leaving the profession or signed off with stress/depression due to work related pressures and these are teachers who did not have the additional burden of TTC!  The Radio 4 programme that you refer to, even had a head teacher breaking down which goes to show that the burdens of education reform is having an effect on teachers at all levels.

You need to know what is right for you, as your overall well being is of vital importance.  

It does make it more difficult to embark on IVF without the funds coming in.  I would echo the others by looking into supply work (choose your agency wisely) so that you can have some income whilst deciding what you want to do.  If going back into a school is too much at the moment, then you could possibly join an agency that offers alternative work that utilises your transferable skills. 

You are in a difficult place right now and the future seems bleak and it can be difficult to see any sunshine on the horizon.  Please take time to get yourself healthy and decide what it is you want to do for work.  This will also give you time to prepare yourself for IVF, so that you are in the best shape possible.  

Your fertility MOT has come back with positive results and they won't drastically change in six months, so that should give you some hope!  A set back if you are in good shape doesn't have to mean to the end of your dreams.  I have been trying to embark on IVF for a few years and there has been one obstacle after another. My latest being more surgery which will set me back again but I am not giving up hope.

Sending lots of    your way!


----------



## Banjo55

Thanks so much for your support. I have never thought of my decision as brave before, quite the opposite. I keep thinking I should have stuck it out but of course I'm speaking from the vantage point of having taken time out.

You would think with relevant experience as well as all the skills I've gained from teaching the agencies would've found something for me but no. They seem very blinkered and I'm sick of sending my CV into a black hole where you get no response & if you follow up with them they fob you off.

I couldn't face being in a classroom after I officially left but I feel more up to it now.  After getting nowhere with the office agencies I approached my old agency about the prospects of  daily supply after Easter as I know from past experience it usually tails off. They were really positive.  I've just got to wait for my new DBS to come through. It's the uncertainty that's getting to me. 

On my way to the GUM clinic for all those blood tests you have to take to show the IVF clinic.  Oh what joy!


----------



## LouOscar01

Im a year 2 teacher and seriously worried about going back on Monday...my fellow Year 2 teacher is currently pregnant and going on maternity leave in 6 weeks.  Can't bear the thought of seeing her everyday.  The only way I've coped this holiday is watching boxsets and escaping into their world so that I don't have to face my own.

I'm so close to having to take time off but that's just such a big step.


----------



## Dory10

LouOscar    Just wanted to send you a hug, I know it's hard but by getting through the next 6 weeks you then won't have to face the pregnancy every day in your face.  I've been known to count down days, prison style, crossing each one off on a huge wall chart at home and reward myself at then end of each week.  If it is that bad though, make sure you see your GP.

Dory
xxx


----------



## LouOscar01

Thanks Dory  xx


----------



## patbaz

LouOscar if you are feeling so bad huni you should get your gp to sign you off for a little while. It's so very stressful this journey but especially for those who work in an environment with children and pregnant women. I'm sending you big hugs x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Banjo
I echo everyone else's sentiments here - you have made a brave decision, one which I can imagine must have been excruciating at the time and still will be now. I sometimes think it's in our blood as teachers to feel such a heightened sense of responsibility and accountability - it's what we do but it's hard to explain to others without sounding overly-worthy and self-important and not get the 'but it's only a job' in response. I hope that's come out right from my mind to what I've typed. I think putting yourself first was absolutely the right thing to do and I send you lots of love.

Had my most recent follow up scan this morning (all seems ok but I'm panicking about having time off next week when I'm supposed to be running a million revision sessions etc etc, not to mention the rumour mill in full swing). Check my ******** to find someone at my gym class announcing their pregnancy; typical! Lovely girl and great news, of course, but going to that 3 times a week was one of the only places I could switch off and ignore ttc, whilst also doing something for my body. I can probably fake it and am genuinely happy for her, but you know what it's like.  Grr, another part of life tinged with sadness.

A short sit down and back to bloody marking.

Hellos to all. X


----------



## Blaggy

Hi all

Huge congrats to Dory - I have often come across your posts and Appreciated kind words directed at me. Wishing you all the best. 

Sorry to those having a hard time at the moment- it's such a long and difficult journey. Please believe that it will work for you just a matter of timing.

Banjo- I just wanted to say well done for making the decision for getting out. I did similar (see my post on page 4 if you can be arsed) and it worked out for me as I am now sat here at 38 weeks pregnant.

It sounded to me from your post that perhaps you need to do something/get into the mental zone of releasing from your old job! Any time spent feeling guilty is such a waste of energy... You gave your time to the kids there and now its time for you to give time to having your own. I really hope you can let it go, have some recovery time and then get back on your feet again. I did supply and tutoring and new doors opened- I'm sure it will for you. Be kind to yourself and listen to all the advice others have given- you have made a brave decision so good on you! 

Wishing you and everyone all the best. Xx


----------



## PurpleRabbit

Hi ladies,

Sorry to just drop into this thread but I am looking for some advice.

I am on day 5 of stimms in my first cycle of IVF/ICSI and all going well expect I haven't told anyone at work what is going on. So far all my appointments have been in holidays or after school but I have 3 scan next week which I my clinic will only schedule between 9am and 1pm. I had some provisional dates shortly before the holidays but didn't say anything before the clinic had confirmed them (and was glad I didn't because they all changed at the baseline scan). I emailed my head with the appointment dates last week and have been given the time off but I did also promise I would explain why on Monday. I have two problems:
1 - We haven't told *anyone* about TTC, let alone the struggles we have been having. It is something I find really hard to talk about and I am worried I will end up either a wobbly, blubbering mess.
2 - I am an NQT (Yr4 class in large city school) and on a provisional contract for next year which depends on me successfully completing this year so I am worried how this could affect my career, especially if things don't work out as we hope.

Any advice on how to approach this conversation and experiences of treatment/pregnancy (let's hope!) during NQT year would be very much appreciated 

Best wishes to everyone returning to their classes tomorrow - I am actually looking forward to some normality!


----------



## Dory10

Hi purplerabbit - It's up to you how much info you give your Head, you can just say it's personal or gynae related and leave it at that, he/she doesn't need to know exactly why you are attending appointments but can ask to see appointment cards/letters but you are allowed to blank out the name of the hospital/department.  

Good luck  

Dory
xxx


----------



## PurpleRabbit

Thanks. I would prefer to be upfront, but just find it so difficult to talk about. I am hoping if I am honest they will be sympathetic but I am also worried that if I am open that I hope to have a family that I will be overlooked for opportunities and promotion. I hadn't anticipated NHS funding for IVF happening so quickly (I was warned to expect a 6 month wait but had an appointment within 2 weeks!) and thought I would be securely employed for next year before this became an issue.


----------



## cookson17

I was on a temporary contract (was made perm just before the Easter Holidays) I am having treatment in Spain and my first appointment was just after christmas - we started treatment right away and on the first monday back at school after christmas I went to see the head and asked for the weds-fri of that week off. I told her what it was for and she couldn't have been nicer. And she suggested keeping it between me and her.

In total i had 3 days off for egg collection and a further two so 5 in total.

She obviously knows we are trying to conceive but has given me a permanent  position.

I like you wanted to be upfront with her and not worry about being caught out.....even tho we weren't successful and am going to need another two days off she still made me permanent.


----------



## PurpleRabbit

Thanks Cookson. Sorry you didn't get the result you are hoping for but congratulations on the job being made permanent. It's really helpful to know that there are supportive heads out there - I just hope mine is one of them!
TBH it is the impact on work that is scaring me most about the whole process. I have coped with not getting pregnant for a really long time but I love my job and although it's stressful the fact that I was doing well and enjoying myself has helped me cope with the areas of my life not going according to plan. Hopefully being open will take some of the stress away.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Welcome purplerabbit  

I am on a permanent contract, but under threat of redundancy. I've told my boss, as I took the 2ww and further off school, all treatment occurred during the holidays but the start of my 2ww was 1st sept and the second 2ww was 5th January. My school have been supportive and when I told them about my third cycle they agreed to the time off for all appts as paid, generally we don't get paid for hospital appts but they are classing mine similar to maternity/adoption appts so am getting paid.....not sure if it will work for or against me in the redundacy situation but I feel better that they know why I've had such extended periods of absence, and that I have their support (or so it would appear)

Schools can't use ttc as a means of not renewing contracts etc....that would be discrimination! X


----------



## Dory10

I suppose I'm just sounding a voice of caution as I started out very much like you lot in being open and honest and it backfired to a certain extent.  Whilst people can seem very supportive initially they might not be so understanding as time passes and circumstances change but it really does depend on your particular Head xxx


----------



## PurpleRabbit

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply. Amoeba, I hadn't considered that it would be discrimination, I was worried that it may give them an excuse but as all my reports and observations had been good so far it may even give me some protection if they know why I am missing time at school (and no doubt being a bit distracted too). Dory, I take your point that it may start with sympathy and understanding but I am very aware this could be the start of another long journey. 
I am still in two minds about what I am going to do, I think I will probably see how I feel in the morning!!!  
Hope everyone starting back tomorrow has a good day


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## patbaz

PurpleRabbit I'm with dory on this one. I have never told my head what's going on. I did however explain that I would be having several gynae procedures which may require time off which he accepted. I've never had an issue with getting time off and I've never had to explain why. It's nobody's business but yours and speaking from experience it can be a very long road. Whatever you decide do what feels right to you x


----------



## Amoeba1705

I told my boss as I was about to start round 2, I didn't mention it before round 1, but the head found out I had had a miscarriage so someone obviously told them! So I thought I would be truthful. My GP signs me off for the 2ww and beyond as having gynae surgery..so no mention of IVF.
You do need to do what's best for you, at the moment it's working in my favour regarding paid time off for scans etc but you never know it might all go against me for something else

Xx


----------



## PurpleRabbit

Thanks again everyone for your advice and support yesterday. 
I had a lovely chat with my head this morning. I started out by saying that I wasn't sure how much I was comfortable telling him and he didn't press for any information but seemed genuinely concerned about my welfare. I ended up blurting out everything  and it turned out that he and his partner had previously had years of trouble conceiving and he was unbelievably sympathetic and understanding. Already been very supportive getting me out of various commitments I have this week so I can avoid awkward conversations with colleagues. I did mention my concerns about the impact on my career, whatever the outcome of current and future treatments and he said lots of nice things about the importance of work/life balance and remembering that no matter how much we care it is just a job a the end of the day and some things are more important. I'm not sure how long it will last but certainly made it easier to ignore comments from colleagues about why I need so much time off this when we have just had two weeks holiday and a certain amount of hostility about missing a school trip! That combined with my first scan this morning showing lots of growing follicles and smiling faces from my class has banished all my back to school blues


----------



## aliced

PurpleRabbit that's so good that your head is so supportive and hopefully will make you feel less stressed.
Amoeba I feel like I am copying you looking at your signature, I will be having a scratch on the 27th May and ec on the 12th June, hopefully if it all goes to plan.
Alice x


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## Bahhumbug

PurpleRabbit.  So so pleased to hear it was such a positive chat today. There is sadly a lot of this fertility malarkey about so it doesn't surprise me your head had some experience. I too told mine a while back and, although I have occasional 'what have I done?' wobbles about having done so, these disappear everytime I have to ask for random hours/afternoons/days off and Like you I prefer to be upfront anyway. Not everyone's method, and not necessarily right, but it worked for me - and I hope you can have peace of mind tonight about it tonight. Well done - not easy at all, and you held it together (I had to get outta there before I blubbed!) x


----------



## Banjo55

Bahhumbug - Thanks for your kind words.  You are spot on about the heightened sense that teachers have.

Blaggy - I remember reading your post when you first put it up but I read it again it helped me to put things into perspective. 

I got supply work today which I wasn't expecting straight after the holidays. It felt good to be back in a classroom without the stress.  Since I last posted I got an interview later this week for a non-teaching job so I don't feel as desperate as I did the other day.

Wishing everybody the best for the weeks ahead both in and out of school.


----------



## Dory10

Purplerabbit - wow what a lovely man, I need to come and work at your school, the less said about mine at the moment the better!

Alice - Glad you have a plan in place, not long to go now.

Banjo - Good luck for the interview and glad to hear you enjoyed being back in the classroom today.

Hi everyone  

Dory
xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Bugger.... Got told today I am getting made redundant 😭😭 so as of 31st August I won't have a job


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba - Ahhh  what a pain,  sending hugs   Can you appeal at all?

Dory
xxx


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## patbaz

Och amoeba I'm so sorry huni. That really sucks like dory asked is there anyway you can appeal??


----------



## Amoeba1705

There is an appeals process but tbh it's useless in my situation. The redundancies in my dept are done by selection criteria which awards points and I have the lowest points so have to be made redundant. 😒 
I am still able to go voluntary, if I put it in writing in next few days which means the difference of about £3000 than if I go compulsory, so really the decision is to take voluntary redundancy and take on supply work in autumn term and see what happens!?


----------



## swanlake

Sorry for dropping in 

I am nota teacher but do work with children where I need to work in terms and all ivfs have had to be in holidays too- I have kept it quiet.

But reason for post amoeba I am sorry for your job loss that sucks- but I couldn't help noticing in your post it says you have pernicious anaemia- I do too- I have always been concerned about this in terms of conceiving and recently had levelm2 tests which indicate pai-1 gene mutation (which can cause pernicious anaemia) and thrombophilia - so lots of blood clotting probs- all Drs etc so far have said the pa is not a problem- interestingly on the level 2 tests my b12 levels came back as in range.

Anyway long winded but just wondered whether you had any probs/info/advice given to you about the pa and conceiving? 

Sorry for butting in guys- can sympathise with the whole term / holidays, I alos told my boss I was having gyni investigations and he was fine with it- easier with males bosses they tend to go pale when mentioned the word "gyni" and don't ask much more!! Xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Welcome swanlake   I haven't been told the pa would cause any issues but you never know. I've not been tested for that gene as only had mostly level 1 tests. This third round I am getting steroids and then tinzaparin which should all help the situation...hopefully


----------



## PurpleRabbit

Amoeba - so sorry about the redundancy. I know it's little comfort but I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago and it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened because it made me think what was really important to me and gave me the kick I needed to make some changes in my life which is so hard to do when you are focused on getting up, going to work and just trying to stay on top of the day to day stuff. I still made those changes, even though when it came to the crunch I was offered another job and didn't get the redundancy pay. It still sucks and adds extra stress in the short term though!


----------



## Newlywed2014

Hey All, 
Wow lots of good and bad stuff has happened over the holidays! I had my doctors appt and they're sending me for a 21day blood test on weds and hubs is doing a sperm sample then we have to go back for the results. Feel better that something is happening and the doc was lovely about it all. 1st day back at school today but at least my fertile time was in the hols so I wasnt too tired like normal lol. Im due af 1st May this time so hopefully by then well have some more ideas as to what is going on.


----------



## Sidd

I jus need a rant ladies! I'm sorry

So...1st day back at school andddd had to sit through a staff briefing where the head announced 'one of the staff are having a baby' it wasn't such a surprise seeing as the pregnant lady now has a bump and pretty much told everyone before Easter...but still...I found it so hard to listen to everyone cooing around her and to top it off she's not even bothered that she's pregnant 
She got married in October and has been telling everyone that she's 'not even been trying'..She spent the 1st bit of the morning moaning that none of her clothes now fit her, she's tired and can't wait to 'get the baby out' I felt so annoyed with her that I had to politely leave the room arggggg it's only the 1st day backkkkk

I'm sorry for the post ladies, this whole journey is so frustrating..I wish people who are pregnant would just be happy that they are!!!!


----------



## patbaz

Sidd I feel your pain huni. It's so difficult!  I've had a very similar experience before Easter where a girl announced she was 23 weeks and said she hadn't told people because she wasn't sure she wanted the baby. Knife through the heart moment for me. All you can do is outwardly smile and have a good cry/rant when you get home. I'm sending you big hugs x


----------



## Bahhumbug

'Wasnt sure she wanted the baby'?!! No wonder your blood boiled!! Blimey, what a thing to say let alone think. So gutting for us to hear.

Hugs to you and to Sidd for similar x


----------



## Dory10

Oh bless you Sidd  , some people are so ignorant especially as she knows what you went through with Isaac - Boo to her 

Pat - Hugs too   some people are just smug with things like that, like the ones who don't diet the weight just falls off or they never had a hangover despite slugging back gallons of wine!

Hope everyone else has survived the first few weeks back.

Dory
xxx


----------



## Sidd

Thank you ladies, I knew you would understand...it's been a weird few days being around her..she's been constantly whingeing about how 'unwell' she is and that she just wants to have 'a good drink' haha I'm finding it quite difficult to hold my tongue...trying tho

How are you ladies? I'm sorry for being annoying..I'm just struggling abit these days, so glad I only wrk 3 days 
sending you all big hugs xx


----------



## Dory10

Sidd   xxx


----------



## patbaz

Sidd you're not being annoying at all huni. We all have days where we struggle. We all understand how you feel huni and we are here for you at all times x


----------



## Sidd

Thank you ladies 
Sending you all big hugs and prayers x


----------



## Trunky

Not just teachers - support staff work in schools too  

I am a specialist Physics tech - who works with a load of women, it being a girl's boarding school. It's hard at times. I'm lucky that my team are all aware of my issues, are incredibly supportive and also very sensitive to it. I am so lucky.

Wider school - not so much.

It's hard when all your department have young children or grandchildren and that's all the conversation revolves around. Nobody really wants to know that I won my dog into the champ grade at agility, or that I've been walking over the holidays and discovered new areas, although my team are really good and try not to let everything revolve around conversation about children and do try hard to be interested in my boring life. It's hard for them though so I do try to steer conversation towards it on occasion if I'm not feeling too raw.

My absolute rock at work who went through the hell of fertility treatment, stillbirth and other issues nearly losing his wife is leaving in the summer and I'm going to miss him so much. He's been so supportive and although I will remain in touch with him, it's not the same as him knowing why I am a bit quiet one day, or struggling. At 69 after teaching for 43 years he is having a well earned retirement. 

I've had to unfriend one friend on ** because all her posts now are about her pregnancy - she announced it at 6 weeks. It was going to be a very long 9 months! I feel bad as I'm quite close to her but I just can't cope seeing that every time I log on and I want to continue to use it for contact with my family. She had trouble conceiving so you'd think better really but I guess not.

I am such a cow but I am totally unable to feel any happiness for people when they announce a pregnancy, no matter who they are. I am hoping that will get better with time as that's not me. I'm kind, patient and really like the company of others. Infertility has changed me into a bitter old cow


----------



## A J

Hi ladies sorry I have been AWOL for a while but trying to get my head around where I am going TTC!!!

Anyway, here I am giving it a go again....must be crazy after 9 m/c and an adoption that went wrong at the last minute! But, hey...I'm a sucker for punishment. DD fet if all goes well in a week or so.

Sidd I totally understand where you are coming from. A colleague of mine is due in July and doesn't stop complaining. She has changed the staffroom around to suit her so she has her own special chair under then window? Its baby talk constantly. Plus, I have to keep having some of her class in with mine as she is off to scans, midwife appts etc. Yesterday, she rang me at 6.50 am to say she had a funny turn, wasn't going in so could I take in her planning and take home some marking for her after school, which of course I did!! When I got to her house, she was up and about just fine! 
I know I'm only jealous...but I don't want to be so involved in her pregnancy... It will be the baby showers in a few weeks too. Something else to put a brave face on for.

Sorry, this really is a winge... Only popped on to say  hi

AJ xx


----------



## patbaz

A J sending you hugs huni. Also sending you lots of luck in your journey x


----------



## Dory10

Trunky - Sorry to hear your biggest support is leaving xxx

AJ - Sending lots of look for the FET     .  How many more weeks until your colleague is off on leave?  I bet you're counting down the days!  As for the baby shower, there's nothing to stop you having a funny turn that morning and being too ill to attend, after all you'd hate to give her and the baby a bug  

Pat, Sidd and everyone else  

Dory
xxx


----------



## Sidd

Hope everyone has a lovely week back after the weekend x


----------



## A J

Dory10...yes, there may well be a funny turn of my own that day!

Have a good week everyone, at least there's a bank holiday at the end of it!

AJ xx


----------



## A J

Hi ladies, hope you are all doing ok.

Could scream and run away today so hope you don't mind me offloading here.
I had an embryo transfer in Athens on Friday so feeling a bit fragile to say the least.
My heavily pregnant colleague came in with a recording of her baby's heartbeat today...the talk is only ever about babies. Another colleague became a grandmother last night... Can I take anymore.

Oh yes, throw some more on...we have had our phone call for reinspection on 17th June plus told today my job is finishing  at the end of this term after 2 years.

Sorry, just had to get that load off my chest as had enough!

AJ xx


----------



## patbaz

AJ congrats on being PUPO. I hope that you get your bfp soon x. Work is a minefield especially around pregnant people who haven't got a clue what it's like to suffer from infertility. You're at a very fragile point in your tx. In my opinion it's the worst part the waiting and all those drugs wreak havoc with your hormones and emotions. It's natural to feel upset and delicate but know that there are people on here who are on your side and who understand. I'm so sorry that your job ends at the end of term, is there anyway you can appeal it??  I am sending you massive hugs and sticky vibes sweetie x


----------



## aliced

I'm so sorry to hear your bad luck AJ. I hope you feel better for offloading. Fingers crossed for a successful 2ww.
Alice x


----------



## Musicwife

Sending hugs AJ and hoping you get your BFP. Work really is a minefield, I've only been at my new job for4 weeks and already 2 people there have announced their pregnancies. They keep coming into my office and the two other ladies I share with coo over them and stroke their tummies asking all kinds of questions right in front of me, even though they know about what I'm going through - they even joke about how I need the windows open all the time because of the hot flushes the clomid makes me get! Ah, I know they don't mean it, but I'm feeling your pain today AJ!!!     

Hope everybody is ok - not long til those lovely summer holidays now! 😀 xx


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## Amoeba1705

Sending hugs and stick vibes AJ      Xx I hope offloading makes you feel better. Work is a minefield at the moment xx
I'm currently dealing with 2 quite heavily pregnant teachers, 1 who starts maternity tomorrow and 1 who is coming back off maternity tomorrow...and I'm made redundant after 11 years...so I feel your pain too xxx

Almost 1/2 term tho and only 43 more 'Getty ups' until the summer holidays!


----------



## PurpleRabbit

AJ - so sorry that you have had such a terrible day and that your job is coming to an end. Pregnant colleague and baby talk is never easy but just that little bit harder when you are full of hormones and hope. I know it's hard but try to focus on yourself and enjoy being PUPO - hopefully that BFP is just around the corner   xx


----------



## A J

Ah thank you all so, so much. You really have helped (actually brought tears to my eyes- hormone induced and all)..others just don't get it.
Its just been one hell of a day on top of all the past weeks of baby talk.
Big hugs to you all  

AJ xx


----------



## Dory10

Aj Sending hugs for you at work   and lots of     for your 2ww.  I've been super emotional on all my 2wws xxx


----------



## A J

Well managed to get through the day without being too much of a mess. I started out wide awake at 5am full of the horror thoughts, got ready and went to school filled with pma and ready to take on anything they would throw at me when my TA came in with a bunch of flowers as she felt bad about my job loss...I was in floods! Trying to compose myself for morning get together in staff room was a challenge!!

Tomorrow is another day ladies & another one closer to half term hols! 

AJ xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

AJ
You poor thing - what a start after your psyching up!
I hope you go in in full superhero mode tomorrow and are strong, strong, strong x


----------



## patbaz

AJ huni I'm sending you hugs x


----------



## Dory10

Bless you AJ - It's always my TA that sets me off too, she's christened herself my second mum!  Only a week and a day til the holidays, you're doing fab being at work in 2ww too xxx


----------



## A J

Thank you so much ladies ladies for your kind words of support I knew you would understand. I'm glad to say that today has been slightly better. The only real blip was that we were given the date for the colleagues lunchtime baby shower today...will buy a prezzie but maybe have to make a phone call or send an email when she is opening them. If I get a bfn next week then don't think I can cope. Nobody knows I have just had ivf although 2 know about all the previous m/c and that is making it harder, wondering what they are thinking about me with all the baby talk...seriously, not a break or lunch time goes by without 'the constant conversation'
Isn't it awful to keep living like this when all we want to do is go into work and do the best at our jobs...anyway, another day down  
AJ xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

AJ
Hugs.
Every conversation endured, every smile summoned and every kind word from your mouth is a success. 
It must be so intense with a small staff - i can at least run away and hide somewhere in secondary.
Every day ticked off is closer to your own celebration x x


----------



## Sidd

Sending lots of big hugs to you AJ x


----------



## A J

Phew boy am I glad this week is over..thank you all so much for your support through it, couldnt have done it without all you lovely ladies so THANK YOU!!

Happy, peaceful and relaxing weekend to you all  
AJ xx


----------



## patbaz

Aww sounds like you're feeling better AJ. Enjoy your weekend huni xx


----------



## aliced

I am after a bit of advice ladies. I have the opportunity to accompany a school trip to Spain, however I could potentially be 5 weeks pregnant if all the if's, how's and maybe's fall into place. 
So do I agree to go and worry about it then or say no just in case or say yes and go potentially pregnant?
This is our third go and after last time's disappointment of nothing to transfer, I don't want to then be stuck in school depressed while everyone is out on trips as it is activities week.  I know I am already feeling negative about the outcome of treatment which annoys my husband but I thought you ladies might understand. Help!
Alice x


----------



## Dory10

Alice - Does your head know about treatment at all?  I'd be tempted to say yes but then if pregnant pull out but you're only going to be able to give about a week's notice so could be leaving everyone in the lurch as it would be hard to find a replacement for a trip abroad at such short notice.  Sorry you're feeling so down about treatment   it's only natural given all you've been through so far xxx


----------



## aliced

Thanks Dory, yes the head knows about treatment and luckily is supportive. However, the person organising the trip doesn't. I really don't know, like you say it might be easier to withdraw if I am pregnant. In the past I have turned down opportunities for various things as I always hoped that I would be pregnant but here I am 4+years and no bfp ever.  
Sorry for the wallow x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice personally I wouldn't go in the trip; you don't want to take risks and it could leave them in the lurch if you drop out at last minute....you will drop out as you will get your bfp xx  

Well I cleared out all my belongings from my classroom today 😞 so that I don't have to worry about getting it all after half term as once I go for ec I will get signed off until the holidays. It's so hard being in there especially when I have loads kids telling me they better have me in September and they won't be happy if they don't....haven't had the heart to tell them yet I've been made redundant....guess that's something I should face when we first go back after the break as I am likely to be off from the second week.  Dreading it, dreading leaving BUT supply agency phoned to ask f I wanted my profile sent to a private school who need a maternity cover from September, so pleased I might already have work sorted (not telling them trying for family and hopefully when go in September I will be able to announce my own maternity, but telling them now might jeopardise my chances of a job...all confusing   ) 

Hope you all have a fab half term xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Amoeba
So pleased to hear about the supply agency! A really positive thing and, like you say, Let's hope you have your own news by then. Really great to hear you looking to the future and thinking positive despite the sad circumstances of having to move on. Fingers tightly crossed for the agency.

I also wouldnt go on the trip - it could Just turn into another thing to worry about and plan for when you have enough going on, and its best to be near family and all-things-familiar in my opinion x x


----------



## A J

Alice..If it was me I would agree to go. At 5 weeks pregnant you would be fine to go and it wouldn't affect the pregnancy in any way. However, if you wouldn't be comfortable travelling while pregnant then I would confide in the Head and ask for their advice with it saying how keen you are to go and your thoughts on going if pregnant.
I totally understand about putting life on hold while TTC...I did that for years but won't do it anymore. I was 37 when I first started  with my fertility journey but now at 45 and the ups and downs of this has made me realise that I have to continue living my life for the here and now...when things crop up then try to deal with them if and when they happen. Easier said than done at times I know..xx

Amoeba...better things are on the horizon! Hopefully, by September things will be looking so different for you. I understand today must have been difficult   

Well, I must say I'm glad today is over and this week actually.

Another one of my other colleagues came in this morning waving her scan announcing to our moderation group that she is 14 weeks....so you can imagine...5 of us in the group all day today as we had an INSET with two pregnant. The other 2 already have children so it really got on my nerves.
The rest of the week hasn't been much better. 
My first hcg came back at 14 my lowest ever so told to take a booster shot and was retested yesterday. The second reading  is only 39 and I guess that is from the Pregnyl booster. So looks like another chemical. 10 pregnancies and 55k lighter...here I am again! Zilch.

Small mercies...the first pregnant colleagues baby shower coincides with a day trip my class are going on as don't think I could be doing with that in 2 weeks time  

Plus, its half term and I'm off to Spain myself tomorrow... Bring on the sunshine. No Incerts, moderation, PIAP, planning, listening to pregnancy and baby talk or having to get up early for a week yipee!!!!

I hope you all have a great half term too, if its relaxing, partying or whatever you fancy for YOU...enjoy...

AJ xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

AJ 
Have THE most fantastic holiday x x


----------



## A J

Bahhumbug..I'm just reading your signature. I'm so, so sorry to read about your news this week... Life is bleeping cruel!     Hang in there my lovely xx
AJ xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Thank you!
Hanging in there. First step: leave Smugbook. Best move ive made in a long time!
Sooooo much blood; terrifying.
Onwards and upwards x x x


----------



## aliced

Thank you lovely ladies for your replies and the positivity Amoeba  
I do agree and I am going to tell them it's a no on Monday. I think it will just add to my stress worrying about letting people down, plus hubby was 'no' and it's not often he says that without much discussion. 
Good luck with the supply Amoeba and hoping this round of treatment is successful for you. 
Bahhumbug, I am so sorry to hear your devastating news, life is just so cruel. 
Alice x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Bahhumbug just saw your signature...gutted for you xxxx    . Hang in there, it's bloody cruel but you will come out the other end xxxxx


----------



## A J

Alice I'm glad you have made a decision and that you & DH have agreed...you can hopefully relax a bit more now. Hope I didn't confuse things at all?..perhaps my thinking has got warped after all these years  xx

Bahhumbug...it is an awful experience, Im so sorry you are having to go through this, sending you the biggest hug   xx


----------



## patbaz

Bahhumbug I'm so sorry huni. There are no words. It's so scary. I'm sending you big hugs x


----------



## aliced

Don't worry AJ, I was thinking the same as you but I decided to go with the majority of what people said. Deep down, I knew I couldn't really attempt to go but thought I'd ask everyones opinion. 

Hopefully start treatment next week, not sure how I feel about it all; scared, excited, nervous!
Anyway it's half term, have a good one ladies and thanks again for taking the time to reply.
Alice x


----------



## Sidd

Happy half term ladies! Sending a big hug to everyone, enjoy your week off whatever you are doing xx


----------



## Dory10

Alice - Glad you've made a decision and it won't be playing on your mind through treatment xxx

Humbug - Just seen your news, I'm so sorry, I know right now it hurst like hell but promise the days do get brighter again xxx

Happy half term everyone - I've actually made a start on my reports today and have unlimited snacks to accompany the typing  

Dory
xxx


----------



## Tippis

Hello all,
Hope I can join you. Just need to... get a few things out, I guess. 
My partner and I failed our first DE cycle nearly a month ago. I was quite open about our process to a small circle of friends who also happens to be my colleagues. Two of them are now pregnant, and one of them just told med that a third woman at work is expecting. A fourth woman at work had her baby two weeks ago. Of course I´m happy for them, but my own sorrow is so awfully heavy now that I don´t even have the energy to be happy for them. I don´t even want to see them. Feel awful. Just want to tell the universe to bugger off. Sometimes I think I can cope: planning ahead to our next cycle gives me some hope, but all it takes is some fantastic news about someone expecting and I´m back with my depressing and depressive thoughts. It all comes back: why do I fail when "everybody" else succeeds? It feels as if all they have to do is look at their partners and then YES! So tired of the many "whys" in my life. At the moment I don´t seem to cope at all. 
Sorry for this lamentation, just had to get it out.

Warm thoughts to all you ladies here who are struggling with sadness, sorrow and despair. Somehow we will beat this awful illness called infertility.


----------



## Dory10

Tippis - Welcome    It's so hard when people at work are falling pregnant at the drop of a hat all around you, I hope you're having a bit of a rest away from it this half term   xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Welcome Tippis  

AFM had baseline scan and scratch done today, left clinic with my drugs. I've to phone clinic on day 1 to get monitoring scans/bloods booked in and to start 350iu gonalf and 10mg prednisolone on day 2. Ec still booked for 8th June but a chance it might shift yo 10th June....just glad the plan is almost ready to start   x

Hope everyone is enjoying half term xxx


----------



## aliced

Welcome Tibbis.
Amoeba I am copying you again, I have a scratch in the morning and first scan on Monday hopefully  
I am not sure how I feel about it all.
Alice x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice I am really excited and eager to start this round! Am being very positive that this is my time   The actual scratch itself wasn't too bad today... it was all the rigmarole beforehand as my cervix (tmi) wouldn't cooperate that was really painful! Xx good luck for scratch and scan...you'll soon be starting too xx☺☺☺


----------



## aliced

Thank you Amoeba and I need to copy your positivity


----------



## patbaz

Tibis welcome huni it's so difficult when others are falling pregnant around you. I'm s Neil g you big hugs x

Alic and amoeba I'm sending you both lots of positive I've vibes. I pray that this is both your times. Much love to you x

Afm still in limbo visited another clinic but dh  hasn't said much and funds are low so it's gonna be a good while yet before I can start. I hope I win the lottery soon!!


----------



## Dory10

Alice and Amoeba - Sending you both lots of      


Pat - Hoping you also win the lottery so you can get started again, hope you're ok? xxx


Why is this week going so fast?  

Dory
xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Thinking of everyone on here today and will be thinking of you all term.
As much as I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, it does make a difference knowing there are people who understand, staying out of staff rooms or not lingering after meetings like me.
I should be going back with the delicious secret of a pregnancy but am instead going back to school with the raw wounds of this miscarriage and the subject of much well-meaning but essentially unkind gossip.

Sending you so much love and kindness for the next 30/35 days 
Summer soon and we can stick it to the man with lie ins, holidays, coffee shops and general smugness.
X x x x x


----------



## A J

Bahhumbug... Doesn't sound so bad in days does it? Take off a couple of school trips, end of term festivities and sports day etc and we are nearly there.

Brace myself tomorrow for more pregnancy talk, 5 weeks and she will be on maternity leave (25 days!!!).. 
We CAN get through...I think I will keep myself busy in class at breaks as really don't have to put myself through it. I have always made an extra effort to be a part of the 'team' being a small staff and only being temporary but as my contract is coming to an end- knickers!!!!

Have a good first day back ladies...be thinking of you all
AJ xx


----------



## Dory10

Humbug and AJ - Good Luck for tomorrow, the first day is always the worst, I'd love a 30/35 day term, we've got 40 days  8 weeks!  But as you say a couple of trip days and some other days in school to break up the normal routine.  Also got lesson observations this week, not great timing but hopefully it will mean getting them out the way.

Hope the Sunday night blues aren't too bad for anyone tonight  

Dory
xxx


----------



## Shoegirl10

Hi

I hope you don't mind if I join you
Currently I am cycling with IB and using my school holidays to fly and do treatment
My school very good when it comes to hospital appts etc... how are you all coping those of you cycling abroad?
x


----------



## A J

Welcome Shoegirl. 

I used IB for my first 6 or so DE cycles (lost count of how many). They were always great at timing things for the holidays, although you pay a bit more for the flights.
My last few cycles have been at Serum in Athens. With all but one of those (the last one where I pulled a Sickie)  have flown out Friday night, tx on a Saturday morning then either flying straight back or staying overnight back on Sunday. It is exhausting going into school on a Monday morning pretending nothing exciting has happened but it has enabled me to have some tx without having to stick to holiday times.

I have always used my local clinic CRGW for scans and they will do them up to 5pm so I can fit that in with school too. I did go once in PPA but said it was a routine doc appt.

Where there's a will there's a way  

Any more info feel free to PM me
AJ xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

AJ
I will be thinking of you every day and praying she stays out of your way! Or when she doesn't, you find strength you didnt know you had x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Welcome shoegirl  

Bahhumbug and AJ hope tomorrow goes ok, the first day back us always the worst! Xx   

AFM am day 3 of stims and am really bloated, wasn't thus bloated so early on during either if my previous 2 cycles! This week I have appointments on Wednesday and Friday, timings if which will mean I am only in work 3.5 days this week then will be off for ec/et the following week. Worst thing this week us telling the kids I won't be there in September!   

Hope everyone has a good week back...and it's not too long until the holidays xx


----------



## Sidd

Hey ladies I hope you are all ok, just wanted to send a big hug
Thinking of you all x


----------



## aliced

Hello everyone,
Big hugs to those who are going to be having a tough week. Good idea to countdown in days instead of weeks and hopefully due some nice weather so that should ease the back to work blues for a bit. 
Alice x


----------



## Dory10

Welcome Shoegirl  

Hope the first day back wasn't too bad for anyone, I feel like mine was a bit of a false start as it was an INSET day but at least it's one day down only 4 to go  

Dory
xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

My first day back was ok, handed in my leave of absence for time off for scans and told them I would be off next week and the week after as a minimum, so got all my cover work sorted! They said just to self-cert and then get sick note...what they don't realise us that I'm not going back! 😝 xxx

Hope everyone else's first day back went ok x


----------



## aliced

I think you're doing the right thing Amoeba, hoping you enjoy a relaxing extended summer break. 
I hope everyone is okay?
I started stims this morning, I can't believe I am doing this again  
Alice x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Yey to starting stims Alice . 

AFM had monitoring scan today (day 6 stims) but wasn't great a very slow response with only 2 follicles above 10mm and a very thin lining. Have been given oestradial valerate tablets and to increase gonalf dose, then back for scan on Friday.... Looks like ec will now be 10th rather than the 8th so giving me 11 days of stims! Was disappointed this morning but feeling a bit more positive as my first round I ended up with 12 days of stims (1/2dose on day12). 

Hope everyone is having a good week so far xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hope your positivity continued and grows, Amoeba. I think you're definitely doing the right thing school-wise but i can understand you having a heavy heart.

AFM i Can't seem to shake this fug of negativity, however much i give myself a talking to. I'm lucky enough to have some gain time due to exam classes leaving, but maybe this is giving me too much time to think - i'm down and Can't seem to get on with things, which is stupid as i could make a start and get ready for so much for next year. I feel in limbo. 
Have got to the swimming pool a copule of times this week which helps. I need to get into shape!

Love to all today x x


----------



## Dory10

Humbug -    You're bound to feel down and fed up, don't be hard on yourself, you've been through a really crappy time and your hormones are still settling too.  Treat yourself, a nice swim, a meal out, new scarf/bag/earrings.  Get blind drunk and have a bloomin' good cry if you need to.  After both my losses I went to see the counsellor at our clinic and found it helpful, no magic wand or words but it was nice to know all that I was feeling was normal and had a good cry, moan and rant about the unfairness of life and felt much better!

Alice -   On starting stimms.

Amoeba - You're doing fine, I've stimmed for 10/11/12 days on my cycles!

Dory
xxx


----------



## aliced

Thanks for your support ladies, I am just hoping for a transfer this time, one step at a time. 
Amoeba good luck for your scan tomorrow.
Dory how is your bump doing? 
Humbug I agree with Dory buy something nice and enjoy a glass of wine/bottle. 
Wishing us lots of positivity for us all,
Alice x


----------



## A J

Bahhumbug       

I agree...do something for YOU sod the school stuff, that can wait!

Thank bleepers its Friday...that will be 5 days down. 8 more before our inspection then they can all bleep off!!!  

AJ xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

It's strange waking up knowing I'm not going back to work...very surreal  Am certain the scan today will be more positive than Wednesday and things are just slow to start xx met my friend who is 21.5weeks with twins last night, was great getting to actually feel the twins 👶🏼👶🏼 and it always gives me hope (she had 2dt)  

Dory how are you and bump getting on? Xx 

AJ I hope you manage to control stress levels on run up and during inspection xx 

Bahhumbug    Hope you're feeling a bit brighter today xx


----------



## Dory10

Alice - How are the injections going?

AJ - Yep definitely ready for Friday this week, only a 4 day one as INSET on Monday but had loads going off including lesson obs!  

Amoeba - Hope your scan went well this morning and it must feel like a bit of a weight liften knowing you've not got to go back to work.

I'm fine thanks and bump is continuing to grow and it's not looking likely I'll be able to hide away much longer.  Been for our first early anomaly scan today and all seemed ok so next one is at the larger hospital in the next city's FMU in 2 weeks.  After being in denial it has started to sink in a bit more now.

Hope everyone else is ok, it's the weekend and the sun is supposed to shine!

Dory
xxxx


----------



## aliced

Wow Dory, your bump is so very special after everything you have been through. I'm so pleased it is growing nicely.
Injections are going okay apart from a bit of trouble with the air bubble. I'm paranoid I lose some liquid if I try to get the bubble out. 
Only on day 3 but already feeling a twingy and crampy, can't remember feeling it this early last time. Thanks for asking


----------



## Amoeba1705

Dory great news that everything is progressing nicely as bump starting to get bigger too xxx 😊😊


My bloods and scan were better today. Scan showed lining much thicker, 1 follicle at 17, 1 at 15 and 3 at 10 (with a few less than 10) plan is to keep stimming for another 3 days (12 in total) then scan and bloods on Monday with ec Wednesday. They think I will lose the follicle at 17 as it will be too big but the extra days should give the 10s time to come on. Am much happier today 😀 xx

Alice that's how I felt the other day. Think it must just be with round 3 as I certainly didn't feel it the first few rounds after only a few days of stims. When is your scan? X


----------



## aliced

Great news Amoeba on your follicles. Don't be surprised if your 17 is still hanging around on Wednesday, that happened to me once. 
I am glad to hear that you also felt the same, very reassuring. 
My scan is on Monday, I am just hoping for some good news. I took DHEA for 3 months and I am still taking vitamin D, I am hoping this might improve things.
Alice x


----------



## aliced

First scan today; several follicles on each ovary but all under 10.
I'm not sure what to think about it, they've upped my dose of stims. 
 for an increase on Wednesday.
How is everybody else doing?
Alice x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice slow and steady wins the race xx 

AFM day 11 scan wasn't brilliant today the one at 17 is now 20.5, the one at 15 is now 19 and one of the 10s is at 14...the other 10s are still at 10 with very few smaller ones. But they think today's dose might bring the 14 on so am triggering at 10pm tonight for ec at 9am Wednesday xx


----------



## aliced

That's what I'm hoping Amoeba.
Lots and lots of luck and   for Wednesday. 
They still have two more days growing to do.


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba - Good luck for your trigger tonight and enjoy an injection free day tomorrow!

Alice - Slow and steady is the way, seems to be the way I've responded each time.

Second week in, first day done - 34 to go  

Dory
xxx


----------



## A J

Oh I am so excited for you all cycling now...I can't wait to get going again. Although I really, really must be mad! But, there is still some fight in me yet  
Alice can I ask how did you get DHEA? Did you have it prescribed or did you self research and if so how did you get hold of it as it is something I have thought of. Even though I have been having DE cycles 4 out of my 10 pg's have been with my own eggs so there MAY still be a chance?

AJ xx


----------



## aliced

Thank you for good luck wishes, feel a bit relieved if you had the same experience Dory. I was on a bit of a downer this afternoon.
I got DHEA from this link, it was recommended to me by someone on this forum. I took one a day for 3 months and then was advised to stop for 3 months by the consultant and have IVF within that 3 month period. 
I think we must all be a bit mad 
http://biovea.net/uk/results.aspx?ag=dhea&ti=g-dhea&c=n&gclid=Cj0KEQjw-tSrBRCk8bzDiO__gbwBEiQAk-D31Uxcz_nsmW8zRqCCu2rrYCQl0m4OhOHZtLYPEVrdDSYaAiBk8P8HAQ
Alice x

/links


----------



## A J

Thanks Alice I have just had a look at the link. Can I ask what dosage you took in mg?

AJ xx


----------



## aliced

I took 25mg once a day. I don't know if that was the right dose for me or not as I was self medicating. Good luck with it.
Alice x


----------



## A J

Thank you Alice, Im going to self medicate too...can't do any harm! xxl

A trip day tomorrow, horray- no pregnancy talk for a whole day...I won't know myself. Breast pumps were hot on the agenda today. I really am about as sick as I can be of it..tbh there is so much of it that it has been overload and I'm actually able to switch off a bit now.

Hope everyone else is doing ok? Hump day tomorrow.. the count down is truly on!!!

AJ xx


----------



## Handstitchedmum

Just a kind reminder that FF does not recommend self-medicating. You should consult your GP or pharmacist before starting, changing or discontinuing any medicine, including supplements and vitamins.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Just a quick one...got 3 eggs at ec, don't know sizes yet but 3 is better than I thought would get! Enjoying some tea and toast so will update later once I know more xx


----------



## Dory10

Yey for your eggs Amoeba    Hoping they get jiggy tonight xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks Dory. One part of me is looking forward to the phone call and the other is dreading it, but am almost certain I will have 1 to transfer xx


----------



## aliced

Amoeba.


----------



## aliced

think positive, that's what you were telling me.


----------



## Amoeba1705

I am Alice, but think there's always a little bit of us that isn't so we don't get dragged down if it's bad news..am sure it's goung to be good news though xx


----------



## aliced

I know, I'm the same. Lots of   for you.
Alice x


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba I hope that the love lab is busy for you tonight. Enjoy your next few days before et x


----------



## Handstitchedmum

All it takes is one! Fingers crossed.


----------



## A J

Amoeba here's hoping for some magic moves tonight and good news tomorrow xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks ladies, 2 of my 3 eggs have fertilised so going for et tomorrow xxx such a relief as was dreading the call! X

Hope you're all doing ok xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Fab news Amoeba! X


----------



## A J

Amoeba that's great news. Good luck for tx tomorrow xx

Well my stroke of luck has gone. I was supposed to be on a trip the day of my colleagues baby shower but after our inspection next week she is starting maternity leave early. Therefore baby shower has been brought forward to next Friday...not sure yet how to get through that. But, at least there are only two weeks less of her  and the rest of the staff's constant pregnancy & baby talk. 
Friday tomorrow... Bring it on. Have a great weekend everyone!!

AJ xx


----------



## Dory10

Yeah to Amoeba's embies and good luck for ET tomorrow   xxx

AJ - That's a bit short notice for you for the baby shower, hadn't you got something already planned?  

So ready for the weekend, this week has been so tiring and still one more day to go!

Dory
xxx


----------



## aliced

good news Amoeba, I hope tomorrow goes well.
Alice x


----------



## aliced

Happy weekend everyone.
How did it go Amoeba? I hope you're pupo. 
AFM I am still not stimming well, only one follicle above 10. I have to wait till Monday to see if there's any improvement. I am so dissapointed, I am worried they won't collect one or it won't fertilise properly for a transfer. 
Alice x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Yep am pupo Alice with a 4b and a 4c...exactly the same grades as when I got my bfp in September! I had a mad panic when we first met the embryologist though as she said only one could be graded (after the ungraded issue in January panic set in) but it was due to the other actually dividing when she was grading and that's the one that is the 4b...so panic was over by time got to theatre xxx

Sorry to hear your not stimming well...I didn't either and only really had 2 follicles at right size by trigger yet on ec day there were 6 follicles and they got 3 eggs. Stay positive xxxxx


----------



## aliced

That's great news,   For another bfp. 
Look after yourself, lots of rest. 
Thanks, I am hoping mine have a major growth spurt over the weekend.
Alice x


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba - Congrats on being PUPO and they sound like fab blasts too    

Alice - Hope you're follies get a wriggle on over the weekend    

Dory
xxx


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba and Alice. I hope you two are doing ok?  I'm sending you both some very positive vibes x


----------



## A J

More positive vibes from me too ladies xx


----------



## aliced

Thank you ladies, an improvement today we now have 4 follicles. Everything crossed for ec on Friday. 
Alice x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Great news Alice xx


----------



## patbaz

That's great news Alice. Whoop whoop x


----------



## Dory10

That's great Alice   xxx


----------



## aliced

Thank you, it was such a relief. I have another scan tomorrow, just hoping they've continued to grow.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice fx for further growth tomorrow xx


----------



## A J

Fab news Alice xx


----------



## aliced

Thank you everyone, final scan today, 3 follicles, maybe a 4th but we will see on Friday when I have ec.
Alice x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice that's great news, enjoy being injection free  xxx


----------



## patbaz

Alice I have everything crossed for you huni x


----------



## A J

Well survived the baby shower lunchtime today...by leaving the staffroom for 10 mins!! The buffet was fine but as soon as she started opening the prezzies I went out to get some photocopying, coming back in just before the Bell so I didn't have to face it all. One more day and hopefully the staffroom will become bearable again! And one more day before the weekend...oh and inspection over, all looking good on that front!

Hope everyone else is doing OK? 

A J xx


----------



## patbaz

Good for you AJ I'm glad you got through it huni x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Well done AJ. What a lot at once!


----------



## aliced

Thank you for your well wishes, we got 3 eggs. We are so happy with that, just   for fertilisation now. 
Well done for surviving AJ, you have done better than me, I don't think I could have managed to attend.
Alice x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Great news Alice. Fx for a successful sperm/egg dance xxx   

Just had a phone all from agency...got a long term placement lined up starting in September...was Defo worth going for the interview straight after ec!


----------



## aliced

Congratulations Amoeba, that's great news. I hope all this positivity continues for us all.


----------



## Dory10

Alice - fab news on the eggs   for fertilization tonight.

Amoeba - Sounds great and bet you're relieved to have something in place for September.

AJ - You survived and it's now the weekend  

Hi to everyone  

Dory
xxx


----------



## aliced

How is your bump Dory? How far along are you now?


----------



## Dory10

Alice - 18 weeks and had another scan on Wednesday at the bigger city hospital back again in 2 weeks.  Came clean to the children today and one little 6 year old said 'I know what you're going to tell us, you're going to have a baby, I guessed but didn't want to say anything'  well there you go so much for hiding under a shirt dress although to be fair no-one else had guessed!  

xxx


----------



## aliced

So amazing, lovely news that your special bump is growing nicely. Keep us updated.
That's so sweet from a 6 year old. 
Alice x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Lovely news Dory xx not a lot gets past the kids! Xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Lovely story Dory!


----------



## A J

Great news Alice..here's hoping that nature works its wonders tonight    xx

Amoeba!! Congrats on job offer, nice when something falls into place xx

Dory that's so cute xx

Enjoy your weekend everyone- 20 days left  xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Just seen your news about the job offer, Amoeba - so pleased x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks guys, knowing I have a job in lance for September certainly takes away a worry about finances for me...now to get the bfp next Friday and June will be the most amazing month for me xx


----------



## aliced

We have 3 embryos   I can't quite believe it.


----------



## Dory10

Fantastic Alice So happy for you    

 Keep growing little embies  

Dory
xxx


----------



## aliced

Thank you, I still can't quite believe it. 
I'm also relieved as its a step closer than last time.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Fantastic Alice  . Is et monday? Xx


----------



## aliced

Yes, can't wait. I just want them inside me now. How's the 2ww?


----------



## Amoeba1705

Are you having 1 or 2 transferred? Hopefully you'll get a frostie too xx the 2ww is driving me mad, 6 more days until otd but have been suffering symptoms since Monday (3dpt!) trying not to read too much into the symptoms but secretly hoping xx


----------



## aliced

Two if possible. 
Good luck and I hope the symptoms are a good sign.  
Just rest up and enjoy being pupo. Lots of positive thoughts x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks Alice. Fx for et Monday for you xxx


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba what fabulous news on the job front huni. I hope your symptoms are a good sign. 

Alice congrats on your 3 embies roll on Monday. 

Dory how sweet of that little one. Glad things are going so well for you x


----------



## A J

Good luck for tx tomorrow Alice xx


----------



## patbaz

Alice I hope you have top grade embies transferred tomorrow x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Good luck for et Alice, fx for some top quality embies xx


----------



## aliced

Thank you ladies, I am now on the sofa with a 8b and 8c on board. Very surreal but happy.
How is everybody else?
Alice x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Congrats on being pupo Alice, sending sticky vibes xx


----------



## Dory10

Yey Alice - I hope the 2ww passes quickly for you     xxx


----------



## patbaz

Yay Alice congrats on being PUPO x


----------



## aliced

Thank you, I feel so blessed to have come this far.


----------



## A J

Great news Alice fx for you xxxxx


----------



## aliced

Good luck for the morning Amoeba, I really hope it's good news 
Alice x


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba good luck for tomorrow huni x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks ladies but I honestly think it's all over. Been spotting since lunchtime and almost all symptoms gone..the wave of nausea this morning was still there. I had spotting the day before test day in January when I got bfn so think this is going the same way. Xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Bfn...this was my last chance at having a child of my own...heartbroken


----------



## aliced

I am so sorry Amoeba, all I can say is have a good cry and I'm thinking of you


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba I'm so sorry petal. It's so crap!! There are no words of comfort I can offer. I've been where you are and it's heartbreaking. You need to take a break from all IF things. Have a holiday and try to find a way of dealing with it all. You're in my thoughts x


----------



## Sidd

Amoeba I'm really sorry to read your news, thinking of you today...take good care of yourself 
Sending hugs and prayers x


----------



## Bahhumbug

I'm so sorry to read this. No words x x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks ladies. Had a meltdown at clinic and was taken out via the side door so wouldn't have to face the ladies in reception! Hcg came back as 1 so to stop the drugs 😞 I have been out shopping to take mind off it all and am feeling a little better...sure it will hit in a day or so again. We will go down the adoption route....when I'm strong enough to deal with it all. Your support is appreciated xxx


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba   I'm so sorry this is all so unfair at times xxxx


----------



## Musicwife

So sorry Amoeba   Xxx


----------



## A J

Oh no Amoeba I am so, so sorry to hear your news   
Take some time, shout & scream,  shop til you drop do whatever it takes until you can see beyond this horrible time...we are here for you xxxx


----------



## aliced

Hello, how is everyone doing in their journey? 
Afm, still in the 2ww, test date is on Monday and feel really anxious and don't want to test.
Thinking of you Amoeba as I can imagine it's been a tough week,
Alice x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice the 2ww is fairly going by, can't believe your almost at otd! Fx for bfp for you. 

I've coped ok this week, had a meltdown in Costa on Monday but otherwise been fine. I've to phone counsellor on Monday as she on holiday so sent text saying to call on 6th. I did go looking at baby bedding with my friend who isn't carrying (IVF) twins! She knows my journey and has been there every step and knows how hard yesterday was for me but fully appreciated my help. Xxx

How's everyone else doing? Xx


----------



## aliced

Amoeba you're so brave, after my lack of transfer at Christmas I couldn't look at a baby or anything baby related. I hope it wasn't too hard for you and you are enjoying the extended summer break. Have you any holiday plans to look forward to?
2ww isn't going as slow as I thought but I don't want to know the outcome as I am so scared. I am having symptoms but I'm worried that's down to the cyclogest. However, DH pointed out that I didn't have any of these 'symptoms' before on cyclogest so who knows. I'm not a very positive person.


----------



## Amoeba1705

I got through the shopping trip by focusing on her twins and also having quick look at items for an older baby/toddler as will adopt! As for symptoms it's so hard! My first cycle = symptoms and got bfp, second = no symptoms and bfn, third = very strong symptoms but bfn...each was different for me. I have everything crossed for you xxx


----------



## aliced

Thank you and it's good to hear that you have a plan to continue with. I am a big believer in adoption, it's who brings you up that counts. That is the route I would like take if we are not successful with the IVF.


----------



## Amoeba1705

We went to the local authority open evening in November/December to enquire about adoption but then decided to use all our funded cycles before embarking on it. Now our funded cycles are over this is the route we will go down. They told us at open evening to wait 3-6 months after IVF to get mentally strong before starting adoption process so will be October before we start. Will probably attend another open evening during the summer holidays to make further enquiries about the process etc. am really excited about starting this new journey xx


----------



## aliced

Wow, you're so productive. Lots of luck for this new journey x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Your positivity and brightness is humbling to read, Amoeba. What a lovely person you must be. I sincerely hope the adoption process is smooth and has a very happy ending for you x x


----------



## A J

Amoeba good luck on the next part of your journey. If you want any info on adoption (it is a minefield in itself) then please feel to ask away. We have been approved but still waiting for a link to a LO. 

2 weeks left lovely ladies. I have an interview for my own job next week to look forward to! 

Enjoy your weekend...keep shining lovely sun!!!!!

AJ xx


----------



## patbaz

Aliced keep the faith sweetie. Not long now x

Amoeba your attitude is amazing. I wish you all the very best in your new journey x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks ladies.

AJ Good luck for the interview xx one of my worries is the fact I have a dog, and also getting time off for the 'course' especially as I will be on supply, but on a long term contract x


----------



## aliced

Thank you Patbaz, I still don't want to test but I will have to on Monday.
Good luck for your interview AJ but what a waste of time and effort if it's for the job your currently doing. Some heads just love to create a bit of tension and drama. 
Amoeba don't worry about anything, things will all fall into place with regards to meeting, etc. You just concentrate on have a relaxing summer and giving yourself time to grieve. As for the dog, I thought it was a good thing that children were brought up with animals?
Happy weekend people, 2 weeks to go and thanks for the advice about not going to Spain as I would be there now and I really don't think I would have been comfortable.
Alice x


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba - I'm really glad you're feeling positive about your next steps, I think it helps when you've got something to focus on too and you're very brave going baby things shopping xxx

Alice - Sending you lots of     for Monday.

I know everyone only seems to have 2 weeks left but I've got 3! I'm already melting in the heat and the children are more than ready to break up now... on a positive I don't go back til Sept 7th  

Enjoy the weekend!

Dory
xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

I may have been brave but today is another story! Had tears and wanted to run away from it all, but parents and dh wouldn't let me be on my own. Spoke with counsellor, and have my first session on Monday so making the first steps at controlling the thoughts in my head. X 

Dory my current school finishes on 17th only due to twilight sessions giving us the mon/tues off....obv I'm not in work as signed off...my new school starts on 7th Sept too xx


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba    It's completely normal to feel like that and doesn't make you any less brave.  I've found through all this rollercoaster one day all is well I feel positive about the future and another bang, back to square one.  You're grieving for what might have been and will experience all the different emotions.  Don't beat yourself up when you have a bad day, remember tomorrow is a new one and has every chance of being a bit better and take the good days when then come too.  Your life is going to be going in a completely different direction to what you'd originally thought and that takes your head some getting used too, even when the future is still exciting.  That little light of hope never goes out just sometimes it burns behind a cloud.  

Take care 

Dory
xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks Dory xx your support is much appreciated and helps me see through the clouds x


----------



## aliced

Big hugs Amoeba, I hope you're not struggling too much today.
Thanks dory x


----------



## A J

Amoeba...big hugs hun. Perfectly understandable having low days now and again, dont be hard on yourself my lovely. 
As for having a dog and adoption, it did raise a few questions for us but nothing that cant be overcome. Most of the course dates were evenings with one full day. I too have been on a long term temp contract and made the decision to tell the head that I needed the day off and why, he was very understanding and supportive and gave me a reference which is needed from employer. I also had a day off for panel..but take it all little by little xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks AJ. Once I start the application and know the course dates, I will inform the head of the school as you say I will need a reference from them anyway. X I know from a former colleague that the course for our local authority is during the day but hopefully they might do evening sessions. Have my first counselling appointment tomorrow so the start of the road to recovery and understanding what's going on in my head xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Will be thinking of you at the counsellor Amoeba and hope it's the start of a positive experience x x


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba I admire you so much!  I hope that the counselling goes well for you tomorrow. 

Alice good luck for its tomorrow huni. I have everything crossed for you x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice I have everything crossed for you in the morning xxx


----------



## Dory10

Alice - Been thinking about you today and sending  

Amoeba - I hope you got on ok with the counselling today  

Dory
xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks Dory. Counselling was really good and allowed me to vent some of my emotions etc and has given me validation for some of them. Going back in 2 weeks as she has no appointments next week free. Xx

Hope everyone is doing ok xx


----------



## Dory10

Glad it helped Amoeba   xxx


----------



## aliced

Sorry for the radio silence, a bad week for wifi problems. 
I can't believe I am writing this but it's a bfp.
Total shock and can't quite believe it.
Alice x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Wowzers, fantastic news Alice! X


----------



## aliced

Thank you, what a rolls coaster it has been. I daren't let myself get too excited yet. I have a scan in 2 weeks and I'm hoping after that I can relax a bit. I am still in shock. After years of negative tests, to see that s cond line appear, well I was in total disbelief x


----------



## aliced

Amoeba, big hugs and I'm glad the counselling is going well x


----------



## patbaz

Alice in delighted for you. Congratulations huni x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Great news Alice  xx


----------



## Dory10

Fab news Alice  Congratulations  xxx


----------



## aliced

Thank you so much, it means a lot to me, you are such a supportive bunch.
I hope this doesn't cause anyone too much upset.
I am praying and hoping for everyone of you,
Alice x


----------



## A J

Alice that's fantastic news, I'm so, so chuffed for you xx

Hope your ok Amoeba and glad the counselling session went well xx

Hope everyone else is OK and counting down the days....cant come soon enough! I have had a super **** day myself as didn't get the job I have been doing for the last 18 months...I really am the worlds worst at interviews so no big shock just a knock to my pride. But, as the hours have gone by I actually feel relieved in a warped kind of way (or self preservation again like ttc failures) as this has been the most unhappy year of my whole career. Couldn't cooe with another so good riddance and on with the new ...feeling better already! 

AJ xx


----------



## aliced

AJ sorry to hear about your job but if it has been a terrible place to be then maybe it's best you get out of there. 
Glad you're already feeling better,
Alice x


----------



## patbaz

AJ I'm sorry to hear about your job but as Alice said if you were unhappy there you're probably better off. There are better things out there just waiting for you x


----------



## Amoeba1705

AJ sorry about the job, but on the positive you've found this year difficult and have been unhappy so now you have the chance to move onto better things that will make you happy xxxx


----------



## Dory10

Aj - I'm sorry about the job, always a kick in the teeth not to get one but if it's not making you happy then maybe fate has intervened for you and something better is just around the corner


----------



## A J

Thanks everyone...I am starting to think on the positive side. This year has been exhausting at work...some lovely staff but as a part of a federation of schools it hasn't worked. Left feeling undervalued and the worst thing is the children were the 'managements' least priority. The whole thing has sucked. I have been a bit too vocal on a few occasions trying to stick up for the children in my class (a learning support class who were being constantly excluded if it didn't suit).
Probably for the best I'm leaving..I just hope someone continues to stick up for the kids there! 

Anyway, thank you all... One more week!!

AJ xx


----------



## A J

Happy holidays ladies to those who have already finished and those who are just about to....let's hope we can use this time to recharge our bodies into 'super fertile' mode

Alice..how's it going?

AJ xx


----------



## aliced

Totally agree AJ. 
I'm good thanks, still very cautious as had some spotting last week so a trip to A&E and an emergency scan but luckily all is well and we saw the heartbeat. The hospital said the cyclogest pesseries cause an irritation of the cervix which cause the spotting. I'm still spotting on and off so just so paranoid I'm going to loose my little bean.
How is everyone else?
Alice x


----------



## Dory10

Alice - rest up lovely, so glad you saw a little heartbeat  .

Hope everyone is enjoying their hols, I'm just wishing away the next 4 days - so shattered!

Dory
xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice rest up, so glad you saw a little heartbeat xxx 💓💓

I had a visit to my new school last Thursday...safe to say I loved it and can't wait to get started there in September xxx

Hope everyone is doing ok, Dory you're nearly there xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Fantastic Amoeba!
So good to know not all schools are toxic!
What a great feeling to be able to relax about it until september.
Pleased for you


----------



## aliced

That's so positive Amoeba, glad it went well. How are you feeling?
When is your due date Dory?

, x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice am doing ok now. Have had a couple of counselling sessions and from that can now look to the future. There are still times when I'm pretty down but on the whole am much more positive. I am seeing the new school as a new chapter so this one is closing which is helping, also made a memory box with all IVF related bits in xx

How are you? Hope the spotting has stopped xx


----------



## aliced

The memory box sounds like a good idea and I'm pleased that the counselling is going well. I hope you're keeping busy over the holidays. 
My spotting has eased off but I'm having extra progesterone. I'm still terrified that one day it's going to be over. I always thought getting a bfp would make me relax, how wrong I was. 
Thinking of you Amoeba xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice you won't relax until you have your little one in your arms, but once you get over these early days it will help xx the fact you saw the hb so early is a great sign though so look to the positive x


----------



## aliced

Thank you for the reassurance Amoeba, look after yourself xxx


----------



## Dory10

Alice - Not til end of Nov but only 3 days left of this term, after going back tonight for more end of term madness - why do we do it?    Just one day at a time and you'll get through these early days xxx

Amoeba - The memory box sounds great, put things in there so they don;t have to take up too much room in your mind and you can revisit them on your terms in your time xxx  Glad you're new school is looking good  

Humbug - How are you doing? xxx

Dory
xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hello Dory
So glad things are going well for you - so very deserved when i read all you've been through.

We are ok thanks. Transfer last Friday after frostie 1 of 4 successfully thawed at 5B, now waiting...  Feeling absolutwly no different whatsoever (except exhaustion like ive never known, but that may be school - indistinguishable!
Think it was on this thread that i explained our dilemma about going on holiday - we decided to go for the FET and trust that being on hols, Whatever the outcome, would be preferable stress-wise than starting in sept. So we will test THE MORNING before we head off for the airport! Eek. Needless to say, have upped the travel insurance! Who know how this one will pan out - i feel completely different to my fresh cycle in May.
Husband is a primary teacher and we've both broken up now so have been putting up displays etc today - determined to get jobs done and not have them hanging over us all August!

Thanks!

You're nearly there...summer is calling x


----------



## aliced

Good luck Bahumbug


----------



## Bahhumbug

Thank you
Whatever the outcome we really need to spend some decent time together - thought there might be blood towards the end of term!
☀😡😴✈👙


----------



## Dory10

Humbug     Sending lots of positive thoughts your way!  You're very organized getting back into school already but it's a nice feeling knowing those little jobs are out the way.

xxx


----------



## Sidd

Just want to wish everyone a peaceful 6 week break xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Hi all hope you're all enjoying the break xx the sun's out today which is nice x

I had my review yesterday. My consultant offered us self funded modified natural cycle IVF, as preference over traditional IVF, but told him I had decided no more IVF and would be adopting. He gave us a hug and told us to take our adopted child back to see them and that if we need anything from the clinic to support our application they will happily give it. Oh and he confirms I had a chemical pregnancy in June! Xx


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba    Your consultant sounds lovely.  I hope you are enjoying your break too - I agree these days off are so much nicer when the sun makes an appearance   xxx


----------



## aliced

Lovely to hear from you Amoeba, glad to hear your making decisions. How are you feeling? 
I am loving the sunshine x


----------



## Amoeba1705

I am feeling ok Alice. Getting cited about starting new job xx how are you doing? X


----------



## aliced

That's great, are you still thinking about researching the adoption process in the Autumn?
I'm good thanks, still very anxious but all is well so far


----------



## aliced

How are you doing humbug?


----------



## Amoeba1705

Yes will be looking at starting adoption process. My consultant said we need to wait 6months after IVF treatment, which takes us to December but am going to go to open day at end of month and enquire if I can start the process before then.  Glad all is going well Alice x


----------



## A J

Just dropping in to say hi...hope the holidays are going well? 
As I'm back on supply from September it is a weird feeling not knowing when I'm going to be working again, but glad to be away from the chaos and unsupportive place I was at.

Amoeba, lovely news. If you want any help with the adoption process then feel free to ask. We are still waiting for our match and in the meantime can't give up on doing more tests etc. I drive myself nuts!!! I wish I could give up trying to find out what is wrong with my body, but can't-not yet. 

Big hugs to you all
AJ xx


----------



## xshellbellex

Hi all I'm new on here and just seen this post.

I too am a secondary teacher of technology art and child development. 5 years ttc, 2 lots if ivf, 2 fets and 5 miscarriages. I have only just returned to teahcer after a 4 years out working in childcare and it is so much more paperwork now. I'm really struggling working with children now after all these miscarriages especially teaching child development. 
I am considering a career change but trying to get some money behind me as most of our savings have disappeared into fertility treatment.

After tests galore and my recent nk cells tests coming back know normal we have come to a standstill. Deciding whether to carry on with sperm fragmentation and embryo testing or whether to start on the adoption road.

Already putting off doing any work and dreading returning in September as my heart is just not in it, we'll my hearts not in anything at the moment it's been shattered so many times.

Hopefully you all might have some positive adoption stories for me


----------



## patbaz

Shellbelle my heart is breaking for you huni. We've all been there. Some of us still are. I'm sending you big hugs and I'm also telling you to be kind to yourself x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Shellbelle sound like you've had a rough ride.    I have decided to stop IVF journey and concentrate on adoption, but need to wait 6months from IVF treatment before we can apply to start the process.  Take it easy and don't expect too much...be kind yourself and put yourself first for a bit xxx


----------



## Sidd

Sending you lots of hugs Shellbelle 🌹
We are all here for you xx


----------



## Shoegirl10

Hi 
Just a quick question - are any of you doing treatment abroad? if so do you do this during the school break or are you able to take time off? if youa re able to take time off what excuses do you come up with?

Thanks

I hope everyone is having a restful break and not thinking about school
xxxxx


----------



## RB76

Shoegirl, if you are doing DE abroad some clinics  will give you very firm dates, which was the case for us, we went in the easter holidays, and were also able to book flights well ahead of time to save money.
OE is obviously more difficult and the reason why all of our OE cycles were in the school hols!


----------



## Shoegirl10

Hi 
Thanks we have been using school holidays but just looking at ways to see if I can just go for transfer. We are doing DE
School ahh what a nightmare!!
Thanks again


----------



## RB76

Well certainly with my clinic that's possible, you can have your partner fly out for egg collection and then just fly yourself for transfer. If he can be flexible (my DH also a teacher!) then you could hopefully fit it with school holidays.
We flew out after doing a morning inset day then egg collection was the next day!


----------



## cookson17

I had treatment in Spain which we started in december and I had to fly back during the first week of school in january for 3 days. In the end I just told the head what was  going on on the monday and flew out on the wednesday - she was totally OK about it. BUT I do work in a private school!


----------



## Shoegirl10

Thanks
I am hoping to plan it so that DH can fly out last week of Christmas term - do his "bit" and then I can fly out later for transfer
just before Christmas 
Back in March I flew out for my hysteroscopy and said I was at the hospital and they didn't say anything but if I can time this right with Spain then I can  have a stress free term (no DE stress!!)
thanks
x


----------



## Dory10

Shellbelle - Really sorry to read all you've been through    I think we've all had times where our hearts are no longer in the job due to IF, losses and the rollercoaster that is fertility treatment   xxxx

Shoegirl - Don;t you wish we could pick some of our holidays?  I hope you manage to time it so stress is at a minimum xxx


Hope everyone else is ok?

Dory
xxx


----------



## Sidd

Hey ladies I just wanted to say hiiii and hope everyone's holidays are goin well 🌹x


----------



## A J

Showgirl I have had a number of DE cycles abroad in both Alicante and Athens. In both places I have arranged the tx on Saturdays so haven't had to miss any time off work.
DH had done his bit beforehand so I flew by myself getting a late Friday evening flight to Athens (Serum) or with Alicante (IB) very early Sat morning flight. IB are not that keen to do a Sat but can be persuaded  
AJ xx


----------



## Shoegirl10

Thanks A.J
I am having a review with them next week and we have one frozen embryo which is CCS normal but I am reluctant to fly out in half term for one embryo when it may not even thaw!
I am hoping to do treatment in Christmas with DH flying out the week before we finish to do his "bit" and then flying out for transfer
They have told me that they only close for Christmas day/New Year day and 6th January

XX


----------



## Bahhumbug

How is everyone?
Are you back and how is it going?
X


----------



## A J

Hi, back on supply for me so extended holidays which would be great except I need the money to keep this never ending journey going!
Off to get LIT treatment in London tomorrow.
How are you and everyone else doing?

AJ xx


----------



## patbaz

Hi girls. I'm into my second week already feels like I have a month done lol. Looking to go again before Xmas. Finances are nearly there. How's everyone else doing??


----------



## Amoeba1705

I start my 'hush hush' supply job on Monday. To put ex colleagues off scent I've come to London or a few days as my previous school is back at work...so as far as they are aware am on a term time break 😜 xx


----------



## Dory10

I'm back on Monday    Have enjoyed not being there far too much!  Have made the most of most people already being back though and had a sneaky night way on Thursday.

Dory
xxx


----------



## aliced

Hello everyone,
I hope you're all well. Dory not long to go now.
How was the supply Amoeba?
Alice x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Today was a day of information overload and trying to get my head round how things work there! Kinda got a plan for tomorrow's 3 lessons and a rough idea for the rest of the week but can see it being a bit of winging it!!!


Hope you're all ok xx


----------



## A J

Amoeba winging it is fine- I have done it many a time. Good luck!

Could get quite used to this waiting for the phone to ring and lounging on the sofa. Don't miss the chaos of my old school at all, although I do miss the kids (well most of them lol). Have been able to claim some JSA so at least there's a tiny bit of money trickling into the bank until the supply work kicks in!
Hope its going OK for everyone else?

AJ xx


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba - You'll be into teh swing of things before you know it.

AJ - Where abouts are you based, we're having a nightmare finding supply at the moment!

Hope everyone else is slowly getting back into the early mornings - today I was growled at, interesting and had snot wiped all over me, pleasant! 

Dory
xxx


----------



## A J

Dory I'm in Swansea...I think there are too many supply teachers  here for not enough jobs. Sounds lime you hsve hsd an interesting day! x


----------



## Dory10

Ah that's a bit far AJ - yes interesting to say the least! xx


----------



## A J

I wish this tablet wouldn't do predictive text- makes me sound like a complete numpty after reading through my last post...oops!


----------



## Dory10

He he doesn't say much for me though AJ I never noticed the typos just read it back now   xxx


----------



## Sidd

Hello ladies I hope u are having a good evening 🌹

Hope everyone in settling in to the new term xx


----------



## Dory10

Are you still managing to do part time Sidd or are you back full time?  Sending hugs    I know this is a hard time of year for you too xxx


----------



## Sidd

Hey Dory hope u are well...I am back to full time work but I've begun to work in the admin dept now...still in school so I get to spend time with the kids but just not teaching...I really needed a change but love being in my school..enjoying the new role tho
Thinking of you xx


----------



## A J

Sidd...that's great- best of both worlds. So glad your enjoying your new role.
Dory...how are you doing, time is flying by!

A day supply in one of my favourite schools tomorrow, hoping that it is an opening to a bit more there.

Have a lovely weekend everyone
AJ xx


----------



## Dory10

Sidd - That sounds like a good move for you    xxx


AJ - Hope your day was good and they have more work for you. I'm doing ok thanks, had a hectic week but then it always is settling in Reception (and their parents!)

Hope everyone manages a bit of a rest this weekend.

Dory
xxx


----------



## Sidd

Sending you all big hugs hope u are all having a good wk/end xx


----------



## AuroraAngel

hello lovely teaching ladies

Hope you're all doing well.  Sorry to jump in on your thread and hope you don't mind, but thought you were the best people to ask and was wondering if you could please advise me?

I work in a school (not a teacher though) and get school holidays.  However, I'm not sure how this works with holiday during mat leave - can you accrue it to take at the end of your mat leave (regardless of whether that falls in school holiday time or not), or do you only get it when it actually falls in the holidays (and therefore miss out on any that's during your mat leave)?  Most people in 'normal' jobs (non school) can accrue their holiday during mat leave, but I wasn't sure if schools allow this or not. 

I work at an independent school who are very money led and I haven't been there long (got my BFP the day before I started there) and am still in a probabtionary period, so I'm having to be quite careful with what I ask and would rather find out what the norm is first before asking about holiday etc when I'm just telling them I'm pregnant a few months after starting!

Any advice gratefully received - thanks
Aurora


----------



## aliced

Aurora I have just had my meeting with the HR department and I asked about the same thing. No you can't add holidays on at the end. I work in an academy.
I hope everyone else is well,
Alice x


----------



## aliced

Sorry Aurora just re-read, teachers definitely don't but unsure about other roles.


----------



## Dory10

Not sure Aurora as you're in the independent sector - I'm LA and as a teacher it's like Alice - I just loose the holidays in effect if I'm on maternity leave.  Are you in a union?  Give them a ring and they'll know xxx


----------



## AuroraAngel

Thanks Alice and Dory

Sounds like I won't get it then.  Didn't think I would, but it seems a bit unfair when people in other jobs can - even if it wasn't all the hols but the standard 25 days that most people get.  Oh well!

I am in a Union, but I don't think our employer recognise them. 

Thanks for the info and hope you're all doing ok x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hi everyone
Wondering if anyone can help or offer any wisdom...
I'm feeling so low and have given up in myself, sometimes it feels like in every way. The fact we Can't seem to conceive, something every other person seems to do with no problem, is infecting the rest of my life and eroding my self esteem to the point i can hardly get out of bed, let alone stand in front of a class.
This depression is much worse with the busrelin and i Just feel so sorry for my husband having to put up with me like this - a sobbing mess with zero energy.
My boss is off this week and so i have to act up in charge for a time, plus i have an observation. Key people at school know about TTC but not that ive got this bad. I half feel like taking tomorrow off and blaming it on the side effects (true) but dont want to be rubbish, plus the ensuing gossip probably isn't worth it.

Sorry to be on a downer this sunday eve. I think the prospect of christmas round the corner is nagging at me. My job used to be a solace and at least one thing i'm good at but i feel useless at the moment.
Xx


----------



## RB76

I'm so sorry to read this Bahhumbug. I totally know how you are feeling as this was me. We went through five ivf cycles and I was head of a big department in a secondary for all of them, through the drugs, the BFNs, the need for donor eggs, the lot. It is incredibly hard, in fact feels impossible when like you say observations etc are looming. I also felt just the same about Christmas.

This is how I coped;
1) we always had a plan in the pipeline for our next treatment so we knew when our next chance was. I always believed we would have a baby and eventually we did! You are young, it will work for you at some point I am sure if you keep going.
2) I dug deep and I just kept going as much as possible, I had a very supportive deputy at school who I leaned on, do you have anyone similar?
3) I did take a day off here or there just to keep sane when things were really tough.

Your baby is out there waiting for you, and when you meet him or her, all this will fade away x


----------



## A J

Oh hun, I'm so sorry you are feeling so low. This journey of ours isn't for the faint hearted that's for sure! I have said it a few times at different stages that if I thought it would have been this difficult I'm not sure I would have started...but I have and at times I struggle too, to the point of dispair  

The fact that you have chosen to work with children in its very nature is a credit to you and your love of children and caring nature; but of course makes it all the more harder too. Christmas coming up is difficult for so many and being without our own little families YET makes us all the more vulnerable. 

The feelings you are having right now will pass. Remember, we are there with you...don't give up the fight,  you are worth so much more than this xxx


----------



## aliced

Bahumbug, Sorry I have no words of wisdom or magic wand but I want you to know you're not alone in this. Thinking of you, big hugs and you are allowed to feel like this x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Thank you very much for your replies and for being there for me when Noone else can be.
Yes, i do have a couple of supportive people in school i can turn to. I am worried about getting a name for myself - who knows, i may need this career more than i thought if the family dream comes to nothing. Then again, ive gone from someone who worked exceptionally hard with good results and relationships with my classes to now crawling into bed and not caring / putting off marking etc.
Hellos to all and thanks for the solidarity 
Xx


----------



## Dory10

Humbug  

I just wanted to send a big hug.  I felt just the way you described and although there is no magic cure but I agree with RB76, don't feel bad about taking a day if you need too.  I also looked long term and came to the agreement with my Dh that I would eventually go down to part time (in the next 3 yrs) regardless of our child situation, teaching is an extremely demanding profession and difficult to juggle when everything else is going well so it's no wonder it's so hard when things aren't   .

Just one day at a time and you'll get through.

Dory
xxx


----------



## RB76

I have been fortunate enough to get out of teaching for a while following the traumatic birth of our daughter; what I can say is that it's awful either way, obviously the ttc and failed cycles combined with the ridiculous workload are a terrible combination, but when you have a child you feel like you'd never see them as a teacher, too! All my previous part time colleagues ended up working on their days off too.
Much of my job I really loved, in fact i really liked the leadership and management bits, but if you have a choice of getting out, it makes for a far nicer life at the moment I'm afraid.


----------



## Bahhumbug

I'm sure you're right, RB76, and what a sorry state of affairs it is so feel so compromised and pulled in so many different directions. I'm sure that guilt lingers in all types of busy jobs.
Congratulations on the arrival of your precious LO! X


----------



## prettysmiles2015

Hi Bamhumbug I just wanted you to know that I know EXACTLY how you feel. And I wanted to share my experience with you. I quit my job (secondary PE) in July and it has been the BEST decision I've ever made. All the advice is to not be stressed or in a physical demanding job, and that is what mine had ended up as. I held down a full timetable as well as various management responsibilities including an extra 3 day a week funded post ontop of my 'normal' job. When I made the decision to go, it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders & put me in the best mood. That feeling alone, made me know it was the right decision. 

I'm now working for myself as a Primary PE specialist. I work part time, deciding when and where I want to work. Ive been really lucky and have fallen on my feet a bit in terms of opportunities, but I was quite prepared to do supply if it didn't work.

I am so much happier and couldn't be any less stressed in terms of work. Sadly I had a miscarriage last month which was heartbreaking but I genuinely think I wouldn't have even have got pregnant if I was still in my old job (and it wasn't the summer holidays!). I'm looking forward to trying again in January and being able to take days off / scale things back as and when, without having to explain myself to non-understanding colleagues or having to put a brave face on everything at school. 

I'm not earning as much money as before, but this is ok for me because my mental health & wellbeing completely makes up for it. I will go back to full time teaching at some point, but right now I need to put 'me first' before my job. 

Basically as I said to my headteacher, I didn't want to spend the next 5 years TTC whilst being a victim of my workload at school. Because all I would end up doing is resenting my school & being miserable if we still didn't have a family.

Hope this helps.. Sending you lots of love xx


----------



## A J

Bahumbug...how are you feeling hun? 

A few people have mentioned giving up jobs/changing role, hours etc so thought I would mention what has happened to me.

My temp full time contract came to an end in July. I was gutted, worried about not having a job and all that goes with it. But even this short time since I can truly say that it is the best thing that could have happened. I spent 2years totally stressed with an inspection and reinspection and the huge workload that they unnecessarily bring for it to end with no thanks! I had to take sickies to go to clinic appts and fly out to Athens for ivf over weekends going back into work on the Monday, pretending nothing had happened... no wonder I got nowhere ttc.
I'm back on supply now and am in Athens ATM having had a consultation yesterday, sightseeing today and back home tomorrow. I have work on Friday at a school I love with no pressure and I haven't had to lie to anyone about where I am going or why.
If you asked me a few months ago if I would choose to give my job up I would have said no way. But, seeing it from the other side now I realise that my health- physically and mentally has to come first...I don't look back now. 

AJ xx


----------



## Dory10

AJ - How refreshing    I'm so glad things are going well work wise, you are the third person this week to sing the praises of supply, lack off stress etc xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

I can also recommend supply!    mine is different then as in a lon term contract so actually doing full time teaching job, including meetings, marking etc but am feeling so much more refreshed and actually enjoy going to work!! Something I've not fine for a long time.

Hope you're all doing ok. I'm not on as much as previous with not going through tx but I do follow what is happening with you all xxx


----------



## Shoegirl10

Morning All,

Is it me or are we going into a real recruitment  crisis in teaching

I am head of MFL in a secondary school and I am seriously thinking of stepping down!!!

xx


----------



## Dory10

Yep Shoe - only 2 to interview for my cover next week and my next 2 weeks is manic - parents eves, focused observation by LA and Head, residential (which I am not going on), art enrichment day, harvest festival...  I'm counting down the days xxx


----------



## A J

Dory...why on earth are they putting you through an observation just before you go on leave! Pants!!! No wonder you are counting down the days xx

Showgirl... quite sad times in education ATM. The profession is nowhere near how it was when I came in (it was a long time ago- 1992...really showing my age now lol). So many people are leaving and I'm guessing not as many are joining either. There are cutbacks on cutbacks making it very difficult on all levels xx

How's everyone else doing?

AJ x


----------



## Dory10

AJ - Because they can!  Just about sums everything up really    xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hello everyone!

How are things?

Dory: been thinking about you a lot! How long to go now and how are you feeling?
Please keep us posted - Can't wait to hear about your lovely arrival!!

We had another negative over the weekend and i'm taking some time off this week to process it, plus recover physically. I do fear reprisals work-wise but i must put myself, and my marriage, first this time. Also thinking of giving up one management responsibility soon. Let them judgme me and gossip - this is too important now.

Hope everyone is doing ok. Will be thinking of us all and sending resiliance as the christmas term and everything it brings rolls on.

Xx


----------



## patbaz

Och bahhumbug in so sorry for your bfn huni. I think you are just right taking some time off. I am going to take time off sick in my next tx too. You have to do whatever you need so don't worry about anyone gossiping if you give up your point. Be kind to yourself sweetie.

I hope everyone also is ok. Not long to xmas holidays now


----------



## Bahhumbug

Thanks for your kind words, Patbaz.
When are you thinking of going again? X


----------



## Dory10

Humbug    I'm really sorry to hear that lovely but you do right to put yourself first, there are far more important things in life than work.  It took me a while and some horrible times to realize that fully but I don't regret any of the time off I've had to heal and go through treatment again   .  Let them talk as they won't ever fully understand and concentrate on you and your DH xxx

How is everyone else?  Patbaz - counting down to Christmas, always a lovely but hectic time in school  

I'm fine thanks, 38 weeks, back at the hospital at the end of the week for another scan and consultant apt but no signs that baby is ready to meet us yet, only started maternity leave last week so making the most of not having to be up at the crack of dawn!

Dory
xxx


----------



## A J

Humbug sending you the biggest virtual     I am so sorry to hear this hasn't been your time. 
I think you are totally right in taking some time off...YOU must come first. Yes, they may talk, but only until something or someone else to talk about comes along. Take as long as it takes and if giving up some responsibilities is right for you then do it...you won't look back!
Dory...can't believe you are almost at due date. Make the most of these lazy mornings hun as the much longed for patter of tiny feet is going to change that quick enough xx

Thinking of all you lovely ladies...yes another Christmas around the corner..we WILL get through it xxx


----------



## patbaz

Dory your 9,months have just flown it won't be long now. You must be so excited. I can't wait to hear your news xx

Bahhumbug I am currently waiting on AF for scratch and then next period but the way things are looking with xmas closures etc it will probably be Jan. Hoping its lucky number 8 for me. 

I hope everyone else is doing ok this wild and windy evening xx


----------



## aliced

Bahumbug, I'm so sorry and I echo AJ and sending you a virtual hug  
Dory, wow so close to that final hurdle now, I am so so happy for you and can't wait to hear your birth announcement. 
Good luck with treatment Patbaz 
Alice x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Bahumbug sending hugs xxx     

Dory wow you are so close to final hurdle, lo obviously comfy xx   

Patbaz really hope it is lucky 8 for you    Xx 

Aliced how are you doing? Xx

AJ hope you're doing ok xx 

Hi to anyone else I've missed   



AFM loving the school I'm on long term supply at. Am mega busy but that's helping time pass quickly so I'm nearly at the time I can register our interest in adoption...roll on December! Xxx


----------



## aliced

that's great news Amoeba. Keep us updated. 
I'm good, thanks for asking. X


----------



## patbaz

That's great news amoeba. I hope adoption process goes quickly for you x


----------



## Sidd

Hi ladies, I hope it's ok to post on here...
We had our ET this week in Alicante. I have a question about work tho. Did you girls get paid for time abroad (if you had treatment abroad) Ive been told that I'd get paid for all appointments I had prior to going to Spain, but time in Alicante would be unpaid. Does this sound right? 
Hope you girls can help...sending you all prayers and hugs xx


----------



## Dory10

Hi everyone

Sidd - I'm not sure lovely, could you ring your union to check?

Afm - Just a little update to let you know our beautiful rainbow arrived last week 1 day early xxx


----------



## patbaz

Oh Dory that's wonderful news huni. I am beyond delighted for you. Congratulations sweetie xx

Sidd I am sorry I have no definite answer for you but I believe fertility treatment is seen as an optional it elective procedure so I would think that it might be unpaid. Up to your school itself though. Get a line from your gp and you will get paid x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Wowwww Dory, amazing!!! Thrilled for you x x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Sidd it is entirely up to your school whether they pay you. You could get a GP sick note - I did that to ensure payment but as I embarked on my third round my school said they would pay me for all appointments...the sick note was to ensure it though xx

Dory congrats on the birth of your rainbow  xxx


----------



## Sidd

Heyyyyy Dory!!! That is amazing news! A massive congratulations to you and your family! 🌹🌹

Thank you for your advice ladies x


----------



## aliced

A huge congratulations Dory, love the name. 
This is such amazing news. 
How does it feel to be a Mummy at last?
Alice x


----------



## Dory10

Thank you everyone  . 


It's amazingly mind blowing in so many ways, We're feeling very blessed xxx


----------



## A J

Dory....congratulations what amazing news- your a mummy!!! Yay!!! xxx

Sidd...I have never told work that I have been having treatment so my trips abroad had to be either during school hols or over a weekend. The GP should sort it for you though and maybe give you some extra days off to?? Congratulations on being PUPO xx

Hope everyone else is doing OK...a few weeks left xx

Afm..just come back from a quick trip to Athens...2 embies on board so keeping my fingers crossed and praying hard I may have a miracle going on here

AJ xx


----------



## patbaz

AJ congrats on being PUPO huni. I hope this is your time x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Congrats on being pupo AJ, everything crossed that this is your time xxx


----------



## aliced

I have very thing crossed for you AJ x


----------



## Dory10

Good luck AJ   Xxx


----------



## A J

Thank you all so much for your good luck wishes...boy, do I need it! I have to believe this could be the time  

In work today the usual chat about the weekend.... What did I do? Oh, a quiet weekend as the weather has been so awful. Reality...flew to Athens and back for an embryo transfer...if only they knew lol!! Its NUTS!!

AJ xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Hope everyone is doing ok, we're almost at the holidays! I am totally shattered!

Dory I hope you're having lots of quality time with Ebony xxx

Just wanted to pop on and say I got a surprise natural bfp yesterday  well 6 of them actually as I couldn't believe it, but 2 of the tests were done at GP surgery and they were so faint that they deemed it inconclusive so to hand in another sample for testing in a few days!! But OMG never thought this would happen! 😊😊😊 xx


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba - fantastic news! Congratulations😀 And just in time for Christmas too.  Take care of yourself and hope those lines keep getting darker.

Not long for everyone now until the hols, I've completely lost all sense of time and dates with not being at work! 

Dory
Xxx


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba what wonderful news huni. You've just made a very tough day a happy one. Delighted for you sweetie xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

YES Amoeba!
WOW!
Come on lines... Xx


----------



## aliced

Amoeba, what amazing news. I am so happy for you. Come on little embryo bury deep


----------



## Amoeba1705

BFP confirmed by GP 😊😊 first antenatal on 22nd December, I will be 6w2d but as a diabetic its diabetic antenatal and they get you in quick as changes will need to be made. Still in shock 😱😱 xx


----------



## Dory10

great Amoeba xxx


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba that's fantastic news. Little embryo snuggle in tight x


----------



## A J

Amoeba that's brilliant news hun.. so, so chuffed for you  xxx


----------



## aliced

Amoeba, such amazing news. What a little miracle you have there.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks, it's finally sinking in! Went to surgery yesterday to fill in the midwife contact form, they won't get it until Thursday but I won't be able to get to the surgery next week. It's all a bit surreal, I just need to make it past 20th December and my main fear will go (that is 6w mark and that's when I miscarried last year) trying to stay positive   DH and I going through a rough patch, which might mean us separating so haven't told him the news yet as it won't fix things; we need to sort our relationship then I'll tell him - unless I can't hide it any longer! Xx


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba I'm sorry their that you and she are going through a rough patch. Do what is right for you huni and know that we are always here for you x


----------



## aliced

Oh Amoeba, sounds like you've had such a tough year. 
We all know too well the stress of IF on our relationships. I really hope it all works out for you but take care and concentrate on you and baby. X


----------



## Sidd

Sending u the biggest hugs Amoeba 😘 Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Told dh yesterday but didn't really get much of a reaction, even when my parents said congratulations to him he kinda shrugged! Later in the evening when I was perusing the mamas&papas book he took an interest so maybe it was just shock with him.
Nausea is really bad, luckily haven't been sick yet as that will really mess my blood sugars up. Am so bloated I barely fit into work trousers 😳😳 thinking of buying a bigger size until I actually need maternity ones. 

Hope everyone is doing ok and only 4 more getty ups 😀😅😅 xx


----------



## aliced

He will be in shock, give him time and he will come round Amoeba. 
It sounds an awful and weird thing to say but hooray for sickness and bloating. 
Roll on Friday


----------



## Bahhumbug

Thinking of you Amoeba. What an amazing Christmas surprise! I hope and am sure HB will come round to the idea, but I hope you can weather the storm in the meantime x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Bought bigger size work trousers so would be more comfortable - only slightly more comfortable as these bigger ones seem quite snug 😳😳 Will be glad when Friday comes so I can start relaxing - totally stressing as not 6w yet (my first milestone to reach!) will I ever relax  ? I do know that I feel totally different this time so secretly hoping it's a good sign (and getting 2-3weeks on digital test when only ever had 1-2weeks before)  X

3 more getty ups 😀😀


----------



## A J

Anyone else not feeling the Christmas spirit, or is it just me? So looking forward to not having to get up but can't get into it one little bit this year? I'm looking at the tree & can't be bothered to switch the lights on..hoping this will pass in the next few days or it will be over & I will have missed it xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

AJ I'm getting you in the Christmas spirit. I've got my tree up (my mum did it) but I just don't feel Christmassy. Think so much has happened this past year for us all and we're all a bit knackered as its end of term. I hope you find enough spirit so you don't miss the whole thing xx


----------



## Sidd

Hey ladies how are u all doing? I'm so looking forward to the holidays...jus the being able to lay in bed and not to have to get up 😛....just afew days to go
Went for our 6 wk scan today (had treatment in Alicante) and the doctor couldn't find any heartbeat...we been told they are twins but they couldn't find any heartbeat...jus feeling really scared and sad
She did tell us that it's probably too early..but I'm jus anxious 
....sorry for going on about myself....
How are you ladies doing? Thinking of you all and sending virtual hugs xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Sending hugs Sidd    It can be early, my friend had twins and it was 7weeks before hb was seen on either. It will be a worrying time for you, are you being scanned again next week? Xxx


----------



## Sidd

Heyyy amoeba thanx for the reply..hope u are well
Ye they've asked us to come back on Christmas Eve for a scan...it's all jus so scary x


----------



## Amoeba1705

It is scary times but try to stay positive. I know it will be difficult but I have every faith for positive news next week and keeping everything crossed for you xx


----------



## Dory10

Sidd   Keeping everything crossed for you    I had a scan at 6+6 with Ebony and they couldn't see hb on external scan so had to go and empty my bladder and do internal and then she could see it and that was a week later than you so hang in there. Xxx


----------



## patbaz

Sidd first off congratulations on your bfp huni. With twins I hear it can take a little longer for heartbeat. My friend didn't see a heartbeat until She was almost 9 weeks and he is a healthy happy 4 year old now. So try not to worry. I am sending you a virtual hug x


----------



## Sidd

Thank you so much ladies...it's just such a scary time 
Really appreciate your support X


----------



## Amoeba1705

Last day       

Hope you all have a good day xx

Sidd hope you're managing to find time to rest and relax xx


----------



## A J

Happy Holiday everyone-  thought it would never come!
AJ xx


----------



## patbaz

Hear hear AJ it's been a really long term.


----------



## Sidd

Happy holidays ladies!!!! 

Hope you are all well...
Thank you for the message amoeba 🌹 I'm trying to relaxxxxxx

Sending you all big hugs and kisses for this holiday xx


----------



## aliced

Congratulations Sidd, try and relax, I know it's not easy. 
Whoop to the holidays and I agree AJ I thought it would never come.


----------



## Sidd

Hey ladies I jus wntd to let u know that i lost our precious twins late on Sunday night. Had a massive bleed at home, and then it was confirmed yesterday that both had gone to heaven. 
Feeling totally broken x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Aww Sidd gutted for you xxx


----------



## Dory10

Sidd - I'm so sorry for your loss     Their big brother Isaac will take care of them      I will light candles for all our precious babies over Christmas, I hope it passes peacefully for you xxx


----------



## patbaz

Sidd i am so sorry huni. There really are no words. Take care sweetie x


----------



## aliced

So sorry Sidd, thinking of you


----------



## A J

Oh Sidd I'm so, so sorry. Why is life this cruel sometimes. Thinking of you     xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Thinking of you Sidd and holding you up in this devastating news x x


----------



## Sidd

Ladies I just wanted to say thank you...thank you for everything
I really appreciate everyone's support and pray that 2016 is a brighter happier year for us all

Happy new year x


----------



## patbaz

Sid I wish you nothing but happiness in 2016. 

To all the ladies here I hope 2016 is a much better happier year for us all xx


----------



## Dory10

Sidd xxx

I hope 2016 brings happy times for everyone xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Happy new year xx I hope 2016 brings happiness for us all xxx 🎉


----------



## Bahhumbug

Ditto - been thinking about you all on here.
Happy to see the back of 2015. Bring on the new year x x


----------



## aliced

Happy new year everyone


----------



## A J

Happy New Year lovely ladies....wishing us all a very kind and wish fulfilling 2016 xxxx


----------



## patbaz

Happy new year everyone. First day back teaching all done. Didn't think I would cope!!


----------



## Bahhumbug

Tell me about it, pazbaz!! I was in a stinking mood til at least 1pm and then clock-watched til hometime! Currently ignoring the pile of work and back on the sofa


----------



## Amoeba1705

Gosh it was so hard going back as much as I love the place! But then to find there was almost nonheating in my room (and most of the school) it was barely at the minimum working temp so me and kids had coats on!! Tomorrow will be a day of wearing more layers! Tomorrow also brings my 8 week scan and antenatal appointment, nervous as hell about it! Oh and found out today that ex is already on dating websites stating no children but interested in having them - eh am sure he has a child on the way!?!? He's obviously not bothered about jellybean and this proves it, better off without him 😀 Xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Blimey Amoeba!  Like you need that on top of everything!
A ton of luck and love for tomorrow - let us know x x


----------



## patbaz

What a prat your ex is amoeba! You're better off without him!  Can't believe the hearing was broken. You poor thing!  I hope you're scan goes really well and you get some lovely photos x


----------



## aliced

I agree with Patbaz, what a prat.
II really hope tomorrow goes well for you x


----------



## A J

Amoeba...I agree, better off without a numpty like that! Good luck for your scan xx

Advantage of being on supply I guess..no work yet. Great until pay day comes!
AJ xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Just a quick one, had private 10w scan today jellybean is perfect and was jiggling about  like mad, also gave a few waves 😊😊 xx


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba that's amazing news. Congrats huni. 

Ladies I'm currently on 2ww hoping 8th time is the charm!


----------



## Amoeba1705

Aww patbaz have everything crossed that it's 8th time lucky for you xxx


----------



## patbaz

Thanks amoeba. Did your ex go with you to scan??


----------



## Amoeba1705

No ex knows nothing about any scans I've had!


----------



## patbaz

Well you know you have support on here anytime you need sweetie x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Thanks xxxx


----------



## Dory10

Fantastic news Amoeba  

Patbaz sending lots of      Your way.

Xxx


----------



## patbaz

Thanks dory huni. How's life as a new mummy treating you?


----------



## aliced

Lovely news Amoeba and everything crossed for you Patbaz


----------



## Bahhumbug

Oooh Patbaz, all the luck in the world for this time round...     Keep us posted my dearie

I'm hoping to go for our last frozen of this batch (and maybe ever, see what happens when it comes but not sure we can handle it all again) on Tuesday.

Can't believe school is almost 3 weeks in already! Where is this year going already?! Hope its THE BEST one for us all x


----------



## patbaz

Ooh Bahumbug I hope Tuesday is lucky for you as I am thinking of testing on Tuesday as my clinic said Monday or Tuesday would be fine to POAS but they want to see me either way for a blood test. Not feeling overly confident but keeping everything crossed for us both x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Right back atcha!


----------



## Dory10

Patbaz - you're welcome hope 2ww is not driving you too mad, it is really hard.  we're good thank you, happily shattered and realise we're very lucky to feel that way. Sending lots of      Xxx

Humbug -     For your FET. You can do it just one step at a time xxx


----------



## patbaz

Thanks Dory x


----------



## patbaz

A wee update ladies been testing since 6dp3dt and getting bfp. Wednesday is OTD but feeling fairly positive. 

Bahhumbug good luck for tomorrow's et x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Oh patbaz everything crossed for Wednesday... It's looking good though xxx  

Humbug good luck for tomorrow xx 

Afm another parents evening tomorrow, which will be manic as have over 30 parents to see 😱 Am sporting quite a bump but don't want it to show at work until I've had my 12w scan (next Tuesday) and then I'll let the kids spot it,  tbh I'm shocked they haven't noticed already. Doing my best to hide it with baggy tops and scarves. Will probably be in maternity work clothing next week as trousers getting vey snug indeed. Xx


----------



## patbaz

Thanks amoeba x


----------



## aliced

Congratulations Patbaz, fab news.  
Good luck for Wednesday


----------



## patbaz

Thanks Alice x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Woohoo Patbaz, how blimmin fantastic! All the best for Wednesday...

And Amoeba, how exciting 

Thanks for the positive vibes for tomorrow and for remembering. I am 100% negative about the whole thing and can't even bear opening the door to any hope; my heart can't take it. Work is the pits at the moment. Boo. Sorry to be a downer.

Thanks ladies; no one else gets this at all and my husband is ill so we can't be there for each other at the moment xx


----------



## patbaz

Och humbug I'm sending you big hugs. I hope your dh gets better soon. You need to get your positive pants on for tomorrow. But I do understand. Dh and I are both being very cautious as we've been here twice before but for us it's another hurdle overcome.


----------



## Dory10

patbaz xxx

Humbug     My last cycle was the most problematic and even turned up in et day not knowing 100% if it was going ahead Xxx

Amoeba good luck at parents eve I managed to stay hidden until I was between 18-19 weeks I have one very baggy shirt dress to thank for that xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

It has thawed ❄ thank God.
Thanks for sharing this smallest of milestones with me, ladies, and your unfailing support.
X


----------



## MrsLondon

Hi ladies,

I know this thread started ages but it just popped up on the home page and as a secondary teacher who struggled to conceive I thought I'd have a read. Hopefully since it started many of you have had success stories. I myself had a round of IVF over the summer holidays at Lister in London. I don't think I would have managed the stress of having time off for all the scans otherwise. Plus I didn't want my head to know as I'm currently completing my NPQSL.

Anyway just wanted to wish you all luck, our cycle luckily was a success and I'm 25 weeks at present. Worried that the school still hasn't advertised for my mat cover so I'll have to pick up the pieces when I come back, don't even want to get started on crap the mat pay actually is.

Bahhumbug good luck for your FET glad your embie thawed  

Dory10 I can't believe you managed to stay hidden until 18-19 weeks. My sixth form tutor group were whispering about my "massive boobs" from really early on. I could have claimed implants I suppose  .

Amoeba good luck for parents evening 

Hello to everyone else, sorry for the intrusion, felt like a chat with like minded people in similar situations xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Not an intrusion at all, MrsLondon - more than welcome and stay with us!
Congratulations and all best wishes xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Not an intrusion MrsLondon and congrats to you too xx the  maternity pay is bad but try being a supply teacher it's even worse 😱  Xx


----------



## MrsLondon

Ahh thank you ladies  

Amoeba- of course!! That is definitely a downside to being supply. Have you thought about how much time you'll be able to have off?

xx


----------



## patbaz

Welcome Mrs London and congratulations on your pregnancy. You're welcome on here any time

Bahhumbug Yay I'm so please your snow baby has thawed. If we have any luck we could be on maternity together xx

Hi to everyone else. I hope you're all doing well. X


----------



## Amoeba1705

Humbug glad snow baby has thawed xx

MrsLondon I will be off from 4th July until 31st October, starting Mat leave early as school I'm at is a good 40-45min drive and not sure I could be bothered doing that whilst 35w pregnant ( I will be taken for cs between 37-38w anyway so thought a few weeks rest beforehand would be nice). I have some redundancy to use that will tide me over. I do get statutory maternity pay so 6w at 90% of wage then £140/week so not a lot 😱 X


----------



## Bahhumbug

Transfer went well today also - let the waiting game / uber distractions commence!
Thanks all x 

Amoeba: how was the ps' eve? Hope it wasn't too mammoth...


----------



## Amoeba1705

Congrats on being pupo humbug     Everything crossed for you xx

Parents evening was mammoth...got a cup of tea about 15mins in and managed 2mouthfuls before  I was inundated..by time I had a minute tea was cold - was about 1.5hours later though!! Just stuffed face with McDonald's on way home ☺😳 X shattered now as left house 645am got back 825pm a bloody long shift X


----------



## aliced

Wow, lots going on. 
I've also had parents evening Amoeba and an observation today, why when I have 3 weeks left is unknown. 
Sending lots of positive vibes to bahhumbug and Patbaz. I hope it's a run of good luck on this thread.


----------



## patbaz

Bahhumbug congrats on being PUPO my lovely x


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba that sounds like a mammoth day huni. Hope you're resting now. 

Alice observation and ptm on the same day! I would be rocking back and forth at this stage. Hope you're taking it easy now x


----------



## aliced

Definitely, I am exhausted but you know what schools are like it doesn't matter what is happening to you, everything else needs to be done.


----------



## Dory10

Welcome mrslondon - that's the joy of teaching infant chiidren! Congratulations  

Humbug - Yey PUPO 

Amoeba you earned that McDs bet you're glad it's over.

Alice - how r u getting on, not good to have those 2 on the same day.

Patbaz 😊

Dory
Xxx


----------



## MrsLondon

Bahhumbug - congrats on being Pupo. Hope the 2ww doesn't drive you mad.   

Amoeba - sounds like you have a decent plan in place, will you have help with child care once you're back at work? Reading your signature it sounds like you've had it pretty tough recently, what with the separation with DH as well. You're one strong cookie. 

Alice - the ob sounds harsh...what's it for? Performance management?? I'd just refuse if that was me. I'm not due until May and I've already started to wind down.

Patbaz - is it your otd today?? Hope you have some good news to share?    

As for me, I'm just wasting a free period doing nothing. Very tired today, have chronic heartburn and a year 11 assessment to get ready for period 4, need to get my game face on. 

Hope you all have lovely days.

Xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

MrsLondon my parents live with me so they will be doing childcare, even if I wasn't separated they still would've done childcare as ex worked nights so sleeps whilst I'm at work x
With you on the tiredness - my problem is my only free isn't until Friday 😞😱 am shattered after parents evening. Sitting having a drink and a Danish pastry as its break 😀 Xx


----------



## aliced

Hello everyone, 
Thanks Dory, I'm okay 6 weeks till due date and still can't believe it. I keep looking at the baby stuff as if we're storing it for someone else.  How's being a mummy?
Mrslondon it was an LEA inspection so not much choice really, it went well for me but not the department but I'm so knackered that I'm past caring which I know isn't very nice. 
Lots of positive vibes to everyone else


----------



## Dory10

Alice I'm still a bit like that now and she's 10 weeks!  Can't wait for the birth update, take care and enjoy these last few weeks xxx

Amoeba how are you feeling?

Mrs London have you got gaviscon?  It's really good.

Dory
Xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Dory am feeling fat 😳 All I do is eat, mainly to keep sugar levels up as they keep dropping randomly, so assume jellybean growing and taking everything from me. Am shattered this week but feel much better than I did as all nausea has gone xx gosh can't believe lo is 10w already xxx


----------



## MrsLondon

Morning everyone,

Here I am wasting another precious free period...I had a decent sleep last night for once, so in a much brighter mood.

Dory I do have gaviscon, usually chug it straight out the bottle   but worrying that perhaps I'm taking too much so am trying to cut back. Yesterday unfortunately I left it at home when I was suffering really bad. I think it also has to with eating too much spicy food, I was really careful with what I ate last night and today, luckily, it's not that bad. I'll have some milk at break.

Aliced glad your ob went well , shame about the rest of the department, we've got a consultant in today and I've got a meeting with him period 4 about where we are with our pupil premium. I also need to be at a pupil premium network meeting this evening from 4-6, I very nearly didn't come in to work today. I've had zero sick days since I've been here two years ago inc during the first 12 weeks when surprisingly I wasn't sick once (my mum and sister where sick for the whole 9months) so I figured I was due one! However, after a decent night's sleep I decided it was more hassel then it was worth and came in. How many weeks will you be when you leave?

Amoeba it's nice that your parents will help with childcare, makes it a lot easier when going back. My parent's are going to help us too and my MIL unfortunately, who is really annoying and caused massive problems with me and dh when we lived with her a few years ago. She means well but I just don't like her. She's really needy and babies DH who in turn becomes really needy. It's all so annoying, I dread spending time with her, but there's nothing I can do re child care, we have to share between both grandparents. I'll change the subject now as I can seriously go on about this topic for ages!!! I also felt so fat t start with, until I properly popped out I just felt like a fatty. Now I have a decent bump I don't care anymore  . Although lately I've been worried about developing gestational diabetes so am trying to cut down my sugar and potatoe intake (there was something in the news recently about it), although I'm not having too much luck...I'm still going through my Christmas chocolate  

Right time to try and do some work, 25mins until break....happy Thursday

xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hi all
Having a bit of a rubbish one today. Probably Just the progesterone i'm on now + the 2ww.
Have ended up taking 2 days off after my transfer and am trying to decide what to do tomorrow. Hate this guilt about being off, and all i can think about is how much work ive got to do and how staying away makes it harder to face the music next week. My husband has Just been diagnosed with a chronic condition and is in a lot of pain. We probably won't go for any more treatment as i Just find it too crushing, so there's a lot resting on this one.
Arghh, wish things were less complicated and we could be there for each other - feels like we're living parallel lives sometimes (he's a teacher too and we both equally resent how much of us it takes at the moment.)
Xx


----------



## patbaz

Bahhumbug dh and I made the decision to be selfish this time round and I've taken 2 weeks off sick. I'm not back in work until Monday. I do feel very guilty about it all but I'm so glad I did it. When I go back on Monday it will only be 2weeks until half term then a rest (probably marking at home) then another 5 weeks and it's the Easter hols. So try not to worry and take the time you need especially with your poor dh suffering as well. I'm sending you big hugs sweetie. The 2ww is just the most awful experience.


----------



## Dory10

Humbug - stuff work, I had the full 2 weeks off each time, these things are far more important xxx

Patbaz how are you doing?

Mrs London - a popular remedy at my pregnancy yoga group was an apple too.

Amoeba You're stil at that stage where you just feel bloated and tired  but once you hit 15/16 weeks you'll have a little bump and have a bit more energy too.

Dory
Xxx


----------



## patbaz

Hi dory I'm doing ok been queasy all day but my (.)(.) no longer as sore as they were. Why is this so difficult?? Wish I could just sleep for the next 3 weeks!


----------



## Dory10

I used to keep prodding at my boobs to see if they were sore as that feeling went away, I would worry when I had symptoms and worry when they went away!  Hope these next weeks pass quickly for you xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Humbug I took the full 2 weeks off - and then some!!! On my first round I had a total of 7.5weeks, 2nd round was 4 and last one I never went back to work (was getting made redundant anyway and couldn't cope with the stress) so had about 8 weeks! I have a lovely GP that kept signing me off, as I have an underlying mental health issue she had to ensure I was on top form before going back into the the classroom. These things are far too important so stuff work and focus on yourself and being pupo xxxx


Dory you're probably right I I think it's because it's not quite a proper baby bump plus with my constant eating it won't help the situation 😱 I'm not particularly bloated though and the 'bump' appeared Sunday as I hit 11w. Can't wait until Tuesday then I can wear my comfy maternity clothes at work as won't mind people/students knowing but right now busy tryin to cover it up xx

Patbaz when my nausea vanished I panicked, another reason I had the private scan. And now as I only get occasional bouts of nausea I prod boobs everyday just to check 😳😳 xx


----------



## aliced

It's so lovely that this thread is so busy again. 
Amoeba, the first 12 weeks I just felt so fat and bloated but then it just became a bump. Everyone else was telling me how they lost weight in the first 12 weeks or stayed the same. I piled it on but it all equalled out as I didn't put a lot on from 12-24 weeks, not that I cared tbh. 
Mrs London I finish at half term when il be 36 weeks, eek. I know I keep saying it but I just can't believe it and keep forgetting that I'm going on maternity leave. I keep,putting dates for meetings in my planner without realising I'm not going to be here.
My boobs were also on and off sore throughout the first 12 weeks. An anxious ridden mad woman was an understatement. I was constantly prodding boobs, worried when I felt sick, worried when I didn't, total nightmare.


----------



## aliced

Oh and don't woory about time off, I echo Dory, stuff school, they manage. Just relax and enjoy x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Thanks all for being so lovely.
I am taking today off and will be spending the time pottering, filing, walking to the post Office and cooking to fill the freezer.
The progesterone had sent me crazy and made me exhausted and hysterical, hence the massive emotions of yesterday. My other FETs have all been medicated and this one being natural i think id forgotten how the drugs make me a banshee!! Luckily my immediate boss has been more than amazing about this so that helps my conscience.
Thanks for understanding so brilliantly. I thought the hb and i were going to come to blows last night!!!

Happy Friday xx


----------



## MrsLondon

Glad you're feeling better Humbug, I agree I think it's important rest as much as possible during these 2 weeks. It can be a catch 22 as going to work would make the time go by quicker but then be more stressful, whereas being at home is relaxing, but more likely to make you over think. Sounds like you've got a busy day ahead which is great.  

Aliced so exciting that you'll be on mat leave soon, I'm going to try and work as long as possible so I can have as much time at home with the baby. I won't be able to afford a year or 9months off so hoping to go as close to due date as possible. Everyone keeps telling me I'm mad though. 

I didn't get any sickness, sore boobs or anything. I spent a lot of time preparing myself for a blighted ovum or early mc. I drove myself insane. I was seriously symptom free. I Had a private scan at 7weeks and 10weeks to ease my mind and then a private gender scan at 17weeks too but again that was still mainly to check all was still ok. I only really started to relax recently when I hit 24 (I'm 26 now). Such a shame as all my friends and family who have had babies have been buzzing from day one! Hey ho, such is the life of the IVF journey.
Well it's Friday and payday so I'm happy. 

Have a lovely weekend all xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Well i'm stunned to report a positive result today!!! Really not expecting that one. Not sure what to do with myself now!
Hb has a big observation today so we're hoping for good news all round. I said id wait til later to give g the result but i cracked! Hope it doesn't put him off!
Anyway, thanks y'all!
A way to go of course, but what happens next?!


----------



## patbaz

Congrats humbug huni great news. You should joins us over on the early pregnancy waiting for scans thread. So exciting. When is your scan?? 2016 will be a great year for us all x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Thanks patbaz! I am completely thrown as it was quite a dark, quick line which i thought only happened to other people.
Waiting for the clinic to phone me back to see if its worth me going to collect more progesterone (it was a drug-free FET but i finished off some left-over prog so not sure if i need to/it's worth continuing.
I'm too nervous to join the other thread yet!! Hopefully soon. Thanks! X


----------



## Amoeba1705

Congrats humbug xxx  

Looks like 2016 is a good year for us on here - lots of babies to be born 😊😊😊😊 xxx


----------



## MrsLondon

Whoohooo humbug!! Massive congrats on your BFP!!    . So pleased for you. Hope HB on went well too? Try to rest and take it easy over the coming weeks. I got my HCG levels checked a few times while I was waiting for my early scan. I found the weeks until my scan the hardest for some reason....probably because I'd convinced myself that something was going wrong as I didn't have any symptoms at all. If you can try and relax that will make the time go by easier. 
Hope you're having a lovely evening.


----------



## aliced

Congratulations Bahumbug, you're test sounds like mine, a dark line that came up quickly, like you I didn't actually believe that could happen. 
Such amazing news, so happy for you x


----------



## Dory10

Congratulations humbug   these things have a way of sneaking up when we least expect them, hope time to the scan goes quickly xxx


----------



## Sidd

Happy half term ladies 😊 x


----------



## patbaz

I know you're all probably off enjoying your half term hols but I wanted to pop on and say that today I had my scan at 7+1 and I saw one beautiful little heartbeat. I am over the moon but understand there's a long way to go but for now it's so far so good x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Patbaz great news   xxx


----------



## aliced

Patbaz that's such amazing news. When is your next scan? 12 weeks?


----------



## Dory10

Patbaz  great news  . Enjoy the rest of your holiday xxx


----------



## MrsLondon

Fantastic news Patbaz!!


----------



## patbaz

Thanks ladies. The morning sickness has well and truly kicked in so feeling pants!! I've had to rush out of class on a number of occasions to be sick. But it's a good sign I know. 

How is everyone doing??


----------



## Amoeba1705

Patbaz I really feel for you. X  I was lucky and didn't suffer but did have to run out to go for a wee constantly. 😝

I have been battling a viral chest infection since middle of half term and am shattered; am sporting a proper baby bump and hoping to find out gender at 16w scan on Tuesday 😊 Xx

Hope everyone is ok. Xxx

Alice how you doing, when is lo due??


----------



## Dory10

I know it's not nice patbaz but brilliant sign xxx


----------



## patbaz

Thanks Dory. 

Amoeba lucky you to have a bump. I can't wait for that. Sorry you're feeling poorly though. I can't believe you're 16 weeks already!!


----------



## aliced

Thanks for asking Ameoba, I'm due in 2 weeks, eek. I'm still relieved when I'm another week in. 
How are you? Enjoy showing off your bump, you've waited long enough for this. 
Patbaz, woohoo to morning sickness, you feel crap but pregnant 😄 how many weeks are you now?mit should ease off by week 12.
How's you Dory and your precious girl?
X


----------



## Dory10

Wow the time is flying by - although I know each day seems like a year waiting between scans.  

Alice due in 2 weeks, have you packed your bag?  

Amoeba exciting times do you have an incling either way?  Hope your chest eases up, I was poorly with one thing And another for a few weeks around 15 - 18 weeks got a cold then uti etc, get well soon  

Patbaz I was never actually sick with E but felt like I was on a boat and seasick all day from 7-9 weeks then it slowly came on later in the day and eventually went away about 15/16 weeks.  Fortunately my worst time was over the Easter hols.  

How's everyone else doing!

Dory
Xxx


----------



## aliced

I've had it packed for weeks Dory 😄
I just keeping looking at the bag and the babys room and I'm still thinking 'is this actually happening?'
I hope everyone is okay, only a short term till Easter x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Dory I think girl but 3 friends have said boy! I also didn't have sickness but had the seasick feeling from 6-10w, nothing since. Glad all is going well with little girl xx

Alice goes not long now ☺☺ Xx

Only 3w+4 til easter  today I hit 16w   x


----------



## patbaz

Alice so exciting!! I bet you can't wait to meet your little bundle at this stage!!  You won't forget to update us though??

Dory I think you were very lucky not to be sick. It's really unpleasant but no pain no gain lol. 

Amoeba I can't wait until Easter as we will be 12 weeks and can start telling family etc. I'm really looking forward to telling my mum. 

To everyone else enjoy your weekend x


----------



## Handstitchedmum

Hello ladies! You have become such a vibrant supportive diverse thread, we have graduated you to Board Buddies. Dory will be creating a new thread in Coping with Infertility for those teachers TTC. We hope you will continue to frequent both threads regardless of your situation, but please keep pregnancy and baby chat in the Coping With Infertility thread to a minimum (out of respect for other members, as per fertility friends guidelines)

In this thread, now in Board Buddies, you are free to chat about pregnancy and babies, as well as other topics. Enjoy your new home!


----------



## Dory10

Thank you Handstitchedmum 

Here's a link to the new ttc thread too http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=343460.msg6268165#msg6268165

Hope everyone has had a good weekend and ready for the week ahead. As you can see from the time I'm up on a night feed - I'll be looking forward to the early hours company as these babies start to arrive &#128522;

Dory 
Xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

16w anomaly scan showed baby doing well and everything as should be, was hoping to find out gender but they were a tinker with knees bent up, squished against placenta with feet between legs so no hope of seeing anything! Back for 19w anomaly scan in 2 weeks (will be 18+3!) so hoping to find out gender then so can buy clothing and find bedding I like ☺☺ Xx

Hope you're all doing ok, not long until Easter 😃😃😃 xx


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba huni that's fantastic news. I've my scan at 10+2 next week.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Gosh time is going quickly patbaz ☺☺ Xxx


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba that's great news, it's amazing how much they change from 12 to 16 weeks isn't it?

Pat - not long until the next scan, it really helps not having to wait too long between them.

Xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Dory you're right it is amazing. I look back my scan photos and am totally in awe of the changes in such a short time xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

And I saw a heartbeat at 7+3(?) yesterday!
Thanks for all of your support on here.
My head of dept has also been amazing and cried this morning when I told her. She's given me some really good advice about how to play things in the coming weeks and months (hoping I get that far)
X


----------



## Amoeba1705

Fab news humbug  Xx


----------



## patbaz

Bahhumbug. That's amazing news huni and you're lucky to have a really understanding hod. My hod is amazing but he is having a right laugh at me running to the bathroom all the time lol


----------



## Dory10

Yey humbug xx


----------



## aliced

Congratulations Bahumbug, lovely news xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice how you doing? Any sign yet? Xx

Hope you're all ok and only 2 weeks left until Easter    


My classes had me laughing today: yr 10 were measuring their mass and stressing so told them I was heavier than them...which I am and wash before pregnancy...their response 'well there's 2 of you miss so that's allowed' - well there's not quite 2 of me but did make me chuckle. Then a yr 7 class I see once a fortnight were muttering away until one brave soul asked if I was pregnant, when I said yes they erupted into applause....really gonna miss the kids when I start maternity ☺😔 Xxx


----------



## patbaz

Can't wait until the Easter holidays!

I had my NHS scan today at 10+2 and my little button was waving and kicking. Such a magical experience. 

I hope everyone is well. 

Amoeba your classes sound lovely!


----------



## Amoeba1705

Patbaz great news on scan xxx


----------



## Pawsandfluff

Ladies, very excited to hear some positive news from your pregnancies.  I'm a teacher and struggling but hope one day for all to work.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Welcome pawsandfluff  x


----------



## patbaz

Paws keep the faith huni. It's not easy working with children everyday when you're struggling to have your own. There is a lot of support on here for you x


----------



## Bahhumbug

Welcome Paws.
Spill on here anytime xxx


----------



## Dory10

Yey patbaz excellent news on the scan!

Welcome paws    As you can see from all our signature ps we've all had rough journeys so please keep that hope xxx


----------



## aliced

Patbaz such lovely news and it's so nice to see an actual baby at the scan, moving away. 
Amoeba, your class sounds so sweet. 
Well today is due date and baby shows no sign of arriving. I'm still incredibly anxious that something is going to happen to my precious bundle. I just want baby here now x


----------



## patbaz

Oh Alice I hope baby makes an appearance soon and that you're not too uncomfortable. Will be looking forward to your update xx


----------



## Dory10

Alice it's completely normal to feel like that lovely   I hope your little one doesn't keep you waiting too long xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice hope lo decided to make an appearance soon and that you're not too uncomfortable xxx


----------



## aliced

Thank you ladies, you're such a supportive bunch. 
I hope everyone else is well x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Had private gender scan and am team blue  which is what all my friends said I was having xxx 😊😊💙


----------



## patbaz

Aww congrats amoeba so delighted for you. How exciting! Now you can pick a name and do up your nursery.


----------



## Dory10

Ahh a little boy congratulations Amoeba xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Congratulations! You're going to have so much fun with him!
🚙🎸🚕🚲
🎉🎉🎉


----------



## aliced

Congrats on team blue Amoeba. 
Well afm I am sat exhausted clutching baby Alice and it's a girl. She was born on Sunday but due to a stitches we had to stay in hospital for a few days. Amazing and surreal does not come close to how I feel.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Congrats Alice xxx


----------



## patbaz

Oh Alice how wonderful a little girl. Congratulations on becoming a mummy. So delighted for you. Been waiting to hear your news!! Yay!!


----------



## Dory10

Alice Yey   Welcome little lady!  So happy to read this, it all feels very surreal when they're finally in your arms doesn't it?  Feeling for you with the stitches, I had lots and recommend baths with a few drops of lavender oil and whole milk.

Dory 
Xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Wonderful, Alice
Xxx 🎉🎉🍼💖


----------



## aliced

Thank you everyone


----------



## Amoeba1705

Whoop last day of term        You can tell I'm happy   am so tired that I am in desperate need of this holiday! 

Hope you're all doing ok xx

Alice hope you and lo are getting settled at home xx


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba I'm with you! This has been the hardest term ever thanks to morning sickness lol


----------



## Dory10

Yey to the end of term for you ladies  . I'm so out of touch with term dates not being at work.  The weather here looks foul for the weekend! Xxx

Alice hope you're both doing ok xxx


----------



## aliced

I know what you mean about being out of sync with term dates. I have no idea what day it is. 
We are both doing well thank you, exhausted but worth it.
How's everyone? 
Patbaz just read your diary(that sounds weird) I would also be upset in your situation about stolen thunder but what you've got to remember is that your little bean is extra special and worth waiting for.
Big hugs x


----------



## patbaz

Thanks Alice. Yeah I think I'm maybe just a bit jealous of how easy it was for them but I think it was the initial shock more than anything. Feeling much better today X

Enjoy the holidays everyone


----------



## aliced

Just wondering how everyone is getting on or how long you have got to go till due date? 
Alice x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice good to hear from you - I'm so busy on other forums I forget to come back here 😖 I'm doing well... Now at 24+3 and due to star maternity at 34w so not long to work, which gives me between 3-4w before elcs and I meet jellybean xxx

Hope you're well xxx


----------



## patbaz

Hi Alice and amoeba. Glad to hear you're all doing well. I'm 17 weeks exactly today still having bouts of morning sickness but it has eased loads compared to what it was!!  The only thing is I don't have a bump yet so I just look podgey lol. 

How are all our other lovely teachers doing?


----------



## Dory10

Hello 😊 

Amoeba and patbaz so glad things are going well, your pregnancies seem to be going quickly but I know they won't feel like that for you!  Alice how are you doing?  Are you starting to get a bit more sleep?  Would you believe our little monkey is 5 months now?!  The time has just flown by but loving it.

Dory
Xxx


----------



## patbaz

Aww Dory 5 months is such a cool time. Their wee personalities really start to show. Must be fun!!


----------



## aliced

Amoeba, wow not long now, the count down to mat leave is on. Have you got much organised?
Patbaz, nearly 20 week scan time, will you find out the sex?
Dory, 5 months-that has gone fast. How is lo doing? 
Baby Alice is doing great thanks, luckily a very content baby. Sleep wise she isn't too bad but it's broken but I'm adjusting and wouldn't change a thing. Bf is going well but I am also giving some formula top ups which I sometimes feel guilty about but then I give my head a shake and remind myself as long as she's content and well fed it doesn't matter how she is fed. 
I hope everyone else is well x


----------



## Dory10

Yes Pat Baz she is certainly making her personality known!  She's a smiley but very determined madam who wants to know everything that is going off.  We get lots of giggles and chuckles know and her little face lights up when she sees us (even if we've only just popped out the room and back again). It's very cute!

Alice I know it's easy for me to say but don't beat yourself up over the bf, it's been the hardest thing about parenthood for me, no one warns you how stressful it can be and how in the majority of cases it takes lots of time, perseverance and nipple cream before it starts to feel as natural as its made out to be.  We're still ebf here but my goodness it's only because I'm a stubborn old goat, I'm hoping to get to 6 months.

Dory
Xxx


----------



## aliced

Your post made me chuckle, thanks Dory  
Your lo sounds so adorable x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Dory your lo sounds adorable xx

Alice don't beat yourself up about using top up feeds, my friend with twins did that and stopped bf (after  4-5months)and the twins are thriving xx

Patbaz sorry to hear you've got a bit of ms, hopefully it will totally stop soon. Gosh no bump  I had a bump from 11w and feel massive now! Xx

Having the day off work (means no pay) as totally suffering with cold - 3rd since bfp - plus yesterday I ended up at hospital after 4 nosebleeds and little movement. Blood pressure is up slightly despite taking aspirin, so another reason to have a rest day, oh and jellybean is fine they checked his heartbeat and it as good & strong, they think I just hadn't felt him move but that he would be moving. X


----------



## aliced

Amoeba you did the right thing getting checked, I went on a few occasions but all was well each time just me being a worrier but luckily the nurses are used to mad hormonal women. Keep resting. Have you had a flu jab as I never even got sniffly once I had it.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Had flu jab in November, as a diabetic I get it. I just seen to pick up everything at the moment. Last cold/chesty thing took 5w to clear but then both my parents have come down with it so think I've got it back from them. The nurse was lovely last night and said any worries just to contact them as that's what they're there for xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hi all
Just thought i'd post on here having been AWOL for ages - i think in my mind i'd been waiting to get past the land mark of 20 weeks (now achieved!) and not quite believing it or wanting to tempt fate until i could feel it moving. 
Scans all good and allowing ourselves to start buying a few bits (charity shop and hand me downs only).
How is everyone getting on?
Ive been really emotional lately - think its hit me how far we've come and how many people have been rooting for us, plus i still have at least 5 sets of friends who are still actively TTC or who' e suffered losses recently. We feel blessed and cautiously optimistic but also heart broken for so many others.

Its getting lovely and sunny here. Hope all is well with you my wonderful friends
X


----------



## Amoeba1705

Great to hear you're past the halfway point humbug  X. I've been awol too as so busy....I've got 10w at most before jellybean arrives as will be taken at 37-38w😱 and only 21 working days left as finishing on 1st July xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hi Amoeba!
WOW, not long to go!!! 
How are you feeling? X


----------



## patbaz

Hi ladies. 

Bahumbug great to get past the 20 weeks isn't it. I'm 21+2 today but still being sick. I'm feeling baby moving loads now. It's lovely!

Amoeba not long to go for you. You must be super excited huni x


----------



## Amoeba1705

I am super excited but feet are so swollen I can't get shoes on - now got permission from head to wear trainers (can't do laces up but they stay on) 😱 Going for 4d scan on Saturday 😊 I have a very active jellybean who I don't think ever sleeps and is naughty on scans -hides, turns back on us, even sticks his tongue out at us - hoping he behaves for me to get a good 4d scan on Saturday xx

Patbaz sorry to hear sickness still persists but yey to movements xx


----------



## aliced

Thanks for the updates ladies, I love hearing about much wanted pregnancies, I think we appreciate every little flutter and milestone all the more.


----------



## patbaz

Hi Alice
How is motherhood treating you??


----------



## Dory10

Lots of lovely news  

Pat fantastic news, you're half way there!  I am still emotional at times too, some friends have just hD their first ivf cycle and it was bfn so I held E very close after hearing that news, brings it home again just how lucky we are.

Amoeba not long for you now, me feet weren't too bad but I was glad we had a mild Autumn as wore flip flops and sandals up to when she was born!

Humbug and Alice how are you both?

Exciting times here as have started weaning in the last couple of weeks, keep finding food in lots of random places!

Dory 
Xxx


----------



## aliced

We are both good thank you, I must admit despite the lack of sleep I am loving motherhood. You're right Dory everytime I read or hear about infertility I think of how we are one of the lucky one's. Weaning sounds eventful, I can't believe how quickly everything changes and how fast they grow. 
I hope you are all enjoying your pregnancies, it's amazing what our bodies can do.
I hope you are all well x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Hi all, hope you're all doing well xx

I'm now on maternity leave 😱 Something I never thought I'd say 😊. Everything going well with pregnancy, did have a scare a few weeks ago when he dropped centiles in weight, but he's back up and doing well. Section booked for 28th July so only 3w+4 days until I meet my little man xxx


----------



## aliced

to maternity leave.
How are you feeling? I hope you are resting up.


----------



## Dory10

Yey Amoeba  

I was only at hope 2 weeks when madam made her appearance and I think I'd gutted the house by that point, was in nesting over drive! These little ones love to keep us on our toes don't they?

How's everyone else?

We're on the cusp of crawling, lots of rocking but very frustrated with herself that she's not moving, love that her little personality is coming out more and more each day.

Dory 
Xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Dory wow to the crawling phase (well almost crawling) doesn't seem that long ago since you had your rainbow xx

Alice hope all is well with you and lo xx

Humbug and patbaz, and anyone else hope you're all ok xx

I am doing my best to rest but this is a busy week with various hospital appointments (not pregnancy related), midwife, doctor and also a visit to court to get my decree absolute! Yesterday we built the crib, swing and from birth high chair...it's weird waking up and a crib being at side of bed ☺😆 Xx


----------



## patbaz

Oh amoeba exciting times huni. I've another 2 weeks of school and then I'm off until September. Then I will have only 3 weeks of work then I will be on maternity leave. 

Dory I can't believe your little one is about to crawl. How amazing!!

I'm definitely nesting. Our new kitchen is going in tomorrow really exciting.


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hello all!
On hols now so have a second to post 
All going well all 27 wks; Can't believe it and it takes me by surprise every morning 
Have had quite a lot of abdominal pain but have had it looked at and nothing untoward, Just going to be one of those who has pain all the way through i think.
We are going abroad this week and i think the heat is going to be quite a challenge, but ill have to force myself to slow down. 
Happy holidays ladies and lots of love x


----------



## Dory10

Have a lovely holiday humbug, glad everything is going so well, make sure you rest this summer xx

How's everyone else?

Well little miss is now officially a crawler!

Xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

How exciting, Dory!! 😍😁


----------



## Amoeba1705

Dory great news on little miss xx

Humbug yey to 27w. Hope you have a great holiday xx


----------



## patbaz

Whoop humbug 27 weeks!! Enjoy your hols. 

Dory so exciting seeing lo crawl. 

I'm currently 29 weeks and sitting in hospital waiting to have my glucose test and they are running late!! Not allowed anything to eat or drink until test complete. In this heat as well!! Aww well I'm lucky to be here I suppose!


----------



## Amoeba1705

Patbaz hope the glucose test - when you finally get it- is all clear xx


Another busy week of appointments for me - health visitor today, scan & antenatal tomorrow, midwife on Thursday then I go into hospital next Monday to start steroid injections 😱😊😊 xx


----------



## patbaz

Thanks amoeba. It's all go for you now!! I bet you cannot wait!!


----------



## Dory10

Pat hope they saw you quickly not eating is not good xx

Amoeba. Eek very exciting times, not long at all now xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hi Patbaz
Hope the test went quickly in the end and that you get a negative result.
When I had mine I remember being shocked and a little ashamed of how much I missed my morning cuppa most of all! ☕
In this heat it can't have been a nice wait for you
X


----------



## patbaz

Bahhumbug the heat in the hospital was awful lol. They didn't phone me back so I'm assuming it's a negative for diabetes. The heat is making me so tired!! Anyone else feeling this way??


----------



## aliced

Lovely to hear from you all. Not long now for you all, I'm lookig forward  for the birth announcements. Enjoy your bumps.
Dory- crawling yay, I bet she is a proper character now. Baby Alice has started to roll and keeps grabbing everything it is nice to see them change.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Calan Thomas born at 1040 today, 37w exactly, weighing in at 7lb2 - so in love xx 💙😍


----------



## patbaz

Oh my goodness. Congratulations huni. Amoeba I'm just so delighted for you. And I love the name Calan. Enjoy mummy xx


----------



## Dory10

fantastic news many many congratulations  xxx


----------



## aliced

I am so so happy for you Ameoba, congratulations and welcome to the world Calan.
Did you go into labour naturally or was your cs early?


----------



## Amoeba1705

Cs was planned for Thursday at 37+5 but I was admitted Thursday gone with high blood pressure so they decided to bring him out even earlier at exactly 37w. He spent a few hours on special care, after he'd been with me most of the day, due to low body temperature and low blood sugar. They tube fed him for a bit and since then he's held his sugars up, temperature fluctuates a bit so got to keep him wrapped up. His tube should come out later today as doctor who came round through night said he's no longer under transient care with neonatal and tube can come out as well as no more blood sugar tests. I still can't believe my little man is here though xx

Hope you're all doing well xx


----------



## Dory10

Sounds like he's doing really well Amoeba,mope they're looking after you xxx


----------



## aliced

How's life as a mummy Amoeba?


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice I'm loving it - although am very tired as little man doesn't sleep or feed particularly well. Have managed to get him to feed around every 2-3hours (from every 1-1.5hrs) but a feed and wind routine can take almost an hour, so very limited sleep. Hoping once his tongue-tie is cut he'll feed quicker (health visitor and midwives tell me he should). He is such a chilled out baby though and only cries when hungry, still can't believe he's actually here and 2weeks old already xx 

How are you doing? 

Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the holidays xx


----------



## aliced

Your post just radiates happiness, so lovely.
The sleep deprivation isn't forever but worth it. Poor little man with tongue tie, when is he having it cut? 
How is everyone else?


----------



## Amoeba1705

Am waiting to hear from the hospital about cutting his tongue-tie. The hospital he was born at doesn't do them so he's been referred to the hospital in Newcastle (about 25 miles  away) which is the specialist unit for north east - can be anywhere from 2-6w and because he's bottle fed he goes to bottom of list BUT the referral states he's slow to feed so that should bump him up a bit. In hospital it took him 45mins or longer to take 1oz so we were kept in an extra night until we got him to take it in less than 30mins; now he's on 2-3oz we're back to the long stretch as he gets tired and 'apparently' his tongue will be sore sucking (according to midwife/health visitor) so he slows right down after the first oz and often has a catnap in the middle! Xx


----------



## patbaz

Aww amoeba you sound so content. The poor wee man with tongue tie. I'm sure he will start feeding better onc it's resolved and goofily he won't have a wait for too long. 

Well I'm currently 32 weeks and love being pregnant despite feeling huge lol I am back in school on the 24th August for three weeks then that's me off!!  I have the health visitor coming out on the 19th so it's all feeling very real now!!!

How is everyone else doing??


----------



## Dory10

Amoeba    Bless you with the lack of sleep, it does start to get better as they grow.  E was feeding all the time too, taking ages, falling asleep, getting wind.  I hope your appointment for the tongue tie snip comes through quickly, I was BF and my nipples were cut the shreds and I was exhausted!  

Pat 32 weeks  . Bet you're looking forward to a super short term then maternity leave.

We're good thanks, crawling now at full speed and pulling up on all the furniture and legs she can find.  There are also 2 little teeth starting to poke through, we can feel them but not see them just yet.

Xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Dory you're little one is certainly coming on xx😊

Patbaz oh not long now and a lovely short term for you xx😀

My parents have been great as I often have an afternoon nap whilst they have Calan. Hopefully will hear this week about tongue-tie and if not I've to phone midwife or health visitor who will chase it up as he really does struggle to feed. Today he becomes a 'proper person' as I'm going to register him😊 This afternoon I'm heading to the clinic I used for my IVF (even though Calan was natural) as they're desperate to see him, I keep in contact with a couple of the nurses there and they've been there for me through everything so feel they deserve a cuddle from the little man xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Dear all

I am now 32 weeks and counting down the days... 😬😬😬
We have started NCT classes which are informative to say the least(!) and will hopefully give us another network of support as time progresses. I will be going back to work for 3-4 weeks in sept, although with no teaching load, so hopefully that will be ok too.
I am feeling a real mix of emotions at the moment and i sincerely hope this won't come out as ungrateful or insulting, as goodness knows that's so far from my intention. I was Just wondering if anyone else felt any of these things and/or if its worth me trying to fit in some counselling before the birth.

Although we 'only' had 1 miscarriage, then 2 non-implantations and 2 non-thaws, the feelings of grief for those could-have-beens are raw all over again. I am almost in disbelief that we have finally got this far and are soon to hold our baby. This will perhaps/probably be the only time i'll be pregnant, and the weeks are flying by with me in a sort of under lying near-panic and immense grief and guilt for all of the amazing women and men on this forum who are still waiting for thir happy ending. Noone in the nct group seems to have had any problems getting pregnant and they are all (understandably) worried about the birth; i'm Just sitting there thinking to myself how damned lucky the husband and i have been and how i'm much much more worried about if i'm going to let the poor thing down once its here!!

I can well understand how churlish and infuriating this post might seem from the outside and i am sorry if i seem ungrateful (i am not at all). HB and i have been annoying each other a lot lately and i keep wanting to shake myself and tell myself to damned well enjoy these few weeks - his sentiments too - so why do i feel so sad and such deep pain for all the should-have-beens on here?  Noone wants pity, i know that. I do wish i could get other people on the outside of this whole IF thing to understand the relationship between anxiety, guilt, gratitude and grief doesn't Just di appear when you finally get there.

I think you are all amazing, for what its worth.

Now, to bed, if i can sleep!!

Thanks ladies,
Bahhumbug x


----------



## patbaz

Aww humbug I think that how you're feeling is perfectly normal for ladies like us. IF is an horrendous thing to go through and it does impact our everyday lives even in the happiest of times. Guilt is a natural reaction for all the babies lost be it embryos that never made it or loss through miscarriage. I always think that counselling is a positive thing and if you have the opportunity to do it then you should. I'm 33+4 and I know how much more emotional wreck feel thanks to all the extra lovely hormones going through my body but I find that talking to someone about it makes it so much easier to deal with. My health visitor was with me yesterday and she told me they offer support services for anyone feeling overwhelmed, so maybe you should get in touch with them. I hope you feel better soon huni. Take care xx


----------



## Dory10

Humbug  

It's all completely normal lovely to feel like that and the fact you're aware you're feeling it is a very good sign.  As Pat says the hormones enhance everything too.  Don't put pressure on yourself to 'enjoy' this pregnancy as it will only make you stressed, just take each day as it comes and accept however you're feeling, it's ok to be sad, cross, nervous.  Just because you're now pregnant it doesn't change the past, yes it is lovely and what you've dreamed of but you've still been through very hard and sad times to get here and they won't disappear so don't feel they should.

I still get amazed when I look over at our little monkey that we finally have our miracle but I still miss my other babies every day and I still get cross that people seem to fall pregnant so easily. many of the mums I met through groups who have babies a similar age or a little older are already planning the next, a few are ttc and 1 is pregnant.  After feeling 'normal' for a while I'm now starting to feel the IF shadow again.

I agree with Pat about the counselling it certainly won't harm.  

Take care xxx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Humbug it all sounds perfectly normal to me. There are a lot of emotions and hormones playing a part in everything. Just take each day as it comes. I regularly think of the 2 babies I've lost and think I could've had a 15month old, a 1 year old or a 6month old if one of my cycles had worked. I am very amazed at my little man - even though he doesn't sleep at night 😴.  Xx

Patbaz you're right about support services; I gd counselling after my cp and can honestly say it was the best thing I did. xx

Hope everyone is doing ok xxx

Afm I'm permanently shattered as Calan has decided he won't sleep at night; he can take an hour to take a feed, then by time I've settled him, put back in crib (which he hates) he wakes for another feed as currently only going 2hrs between feeds. Hoping once his tongue-tie is dealt with he'll feed quicker so we might both get some sleep. He also now has a touch of colic so lots of crying - from us both tbh!!  I do adore my little man and am totally amazed by him xx


----------



## patbaz

Amoeba when will your little one get the tongue tie fixed?? Sounds like he is making you work hard at being a mummy but also sounds amazing!


----------



## Bahhumbug

Thank you you amazing people.
I Can't tell you how reassured i am to read your replies and get the support. I really like the way of thinking about IF like a shadow, Dory - it does follow you around and never fully leave, Just maybe get more faded, if that's not confusing the metaphor 

I am going to speak to the health visitor about having a few sessions of counselling so that i can get this all out and come up with some strategies so it doesn't get out of control or affect me and the little one or me and the HB.

I will try to give myself permission to feel any and all emotions!!

Thanks again, Wonderwomen x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Patbaz we're  seeing someone on Monday, but not at the hospital the referral was sent to as their waiting list is up to 7weeks. Apparently on Monday its a consultation but if they can they should snip it there and then. As calan's bottle fed he is not a priority to have it snipped but surely the fact it takes an hour for him to take 3oz should make him a priority; he needs a rest part way through a feed as he gets so tired. X


----------



## aliced

Bahhumbug I echo what everyone else is saying and that you are completely normal. I couldn't let myself enjoy the first 12 weeks of being pregnant as I was so scared of something going wrong and I felt guilty about it. I also felt very overwhelmed when I first had my lo of the sheer responsibility of looking after a baby. I look at her and I still have to pinch myself that she is here and we are one of the lucky ones who got to take home a baby. I read the other threads on the forum and I feel guilty that tx worked for me and not them.  
Dory I feel the same about groups and talks of siblings. I just avoid the question. 
Amoeba sounds tough but it is not forever and somehow you will survive the lack of sleep even if you don't feel like it. 
Not log now Pat and bahhumbug x


----------



## aliced

Hello, 
How is everyone doing? Any baby news Patbaz and bahumbug? 
X


----------



## Amoeba1705

Things have been very chaotic with Calan....got tongue-tie done with no issue from him BUT has since been diagnosed with cows milk allergy, spent time in hospital, had to be tubefed, allergic to omeprazole (given for his reflux)...he's now on his 6th milk and it's amino acid based with added thickener -but possibly allergic to the thickener too were unsure at moment 🤔 and ranitidine for  the reflux....phew a lot going on in the 13w since his birth and being a mummy is very tough. Positively he's now sleeping much better, isn't as grumpy and gives loads of smiles. He's also growing massively and now on 91st centile for length (a jump from below 75th 2w ago);  after losing weight he's now following between 25th and 50th. Weaning will all have to be dairy free and he's already got dietician involvement. Oh and I go back to work Monday 😖😖😖

Hope everyone is doing well xx


----------



## patbaz

Och amoeba it sounds like you have been through the mill huni. Hopefully things improve now that dr is aware of little Callans allergies. Can't believe you're back at work so soon!!

Aliced thanks for thinking of me huni. I am now a mummy. My little girl was born almost 4 weeks ago and I'm in absolute heaven. She and I are totally in love. I had a fabulous birth experience with a labour of just under 6 hours. The midwives were fab and I cannot thank them enough. It's tiring but worth it. I'm breast feeding so I'm always on the go but it's just lovely!  Everything I dreamed of and more.


----------



## aliced

Patbaz your post made me well up, you sound so happy and it sound's like you've had such a positive experience.
Amoeba, poor little Calan I think I've read that babies can grow out of a diary intolerance so fingers crossed but it must be so hard. Oh no, going back to work, what are you doing for childcare? Are you still doing supply? 
I am also enjoying life as a mummy and seem to have adjusted to less sleep, lol Baby Alice is doing well so far but is in at everything, not crawling but can get about quite quick just rolling. She is definitley keeping me on  my toes but wouldn't change a thing. x


----------



## Amoeba1705

Congrats Patbaz     Glad labour was a 'good' experience for you and that you're both doing well xx

Alice am sure baby Alice will be crawling soon but good she's getting about xx

I am still on supply but have been applying for permanent positions, no luck so far 🙁 My mum and dad, who live with me, will be doing childcare. It's going to be hard going back so soon, but TBH I think it would be hard regardless of how old Calan was but he's only 14w so so small 😔 Unfortunately I don't have an option but to return to work, currently I've only got a placement for 2w with possibly longer if person hands in another sick note (think school are confident they will be) but hopefully I'll get something more consistent xx


----------



## Dory10

Patbaz Congratulations I'd been thinking it would be around now, so glad your birth was a positive experience and feeding is going well 😊

Amoeba sorry you've been having a time of it, so hard when they're poorly    I'm back to work next week too although have had almost a year off so know how lucky I've been.  Would much rather be with the little lady who continues to amaze me, she will now dance with me which is beyond cute!

Hope everyone else is well, just trying to get my head around the clock change and delay her nap as much as we can try to get back to a more normal wake up time tomorrow  

Dory 
Xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hi all

Congratulations PatBaz on the birth of your little girl  
Thrilled to hear all about it plus what a birth experience! 
Wonderful news.

We brought our little boy home over the weekend 
He is perfect.
I am seeing my husband in a new light; he is so smitten.
The birth was nothing like what we would have hoped for, despite Being open to any and all eventualities, and I am currently quite unwell with the after effects of a last-minute C Section. This is probably affecting my initial bonding with the boy, but I am confident it is a phase and we know full well how lucky we are.

Thanks for all of your support on here. Couldn't have for here without you being on the other end of a keyboard/internet connection. 

I hope going back to work isn't too much off a wrench, Dory (although I know it will be!). We've all gotta do what we've all gotta do. I am sure focusing on what's at home waiting for you each day will focus the mind. Or at least help with the triple marking/inset day gubbins!

I hope anyone reading this thread takes some comfort from the positive stories found on it. I was in a very dark place when I started it. Despite being mummy now I still feel caught between the two camps - it doesn't leave you but life can be changed and marvellous things can happen xxxx

X


----------



## Dory10

Humbug Congratulations    It's lovely to watch your other half being a daddy isn't it, especially after all we've been through.  My birth experience was a bit like yours but we just managed to get her out before they wheeled me down to theatre, emergency births take it out of you afterwards too, at the time you're in the zone and just focusing in what you need to do and after the seriousness hits you and it all feels raw for a while.  I felt just like you in the days and weeks after birth p, keep talking to people you and your little man have an amazing bond, you're just a bit foggy from everything to see it right now   Xxx


----------



## patbaz

Bahumbug congratulations on the birth of your little boy. I'm sorry the birth wasn't what you had hoped for. My DH is exactly like yours totally smitten. It lovely to watch them together.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Humbug huge congratulations on birth of baby boy xx    

Dory so glad to hear lo doing so well xx 

Hi to everyone else xx

Well survived the day, it's been hard not only due to students being hard work but knowing Calan had a bad night and updates from my mum said he'd had a bad day  with lots of screaming and refusing feeds 😖😔 I walk in and get the biggest smile from him so made my day brighter x 😊😀💙


----------



## Bahhumbug

Thanks everyone.
His post-milk contentment makes my heart melt.
Hope you're having a good day
X


----------



## aliced

Congratulations on your precious boy bahumbug and I hope things are going smoother now. 

Amoeba, how's work going? At least you're leaving Calan with your parents so you know he's in safe hands. Is it the sort of supply where you can leave early with no marking? If so that should make things easier. 

Dory I hope going back to work goes smoothly for you.

Patbaz how is your little girl doing? 
X


----------



## Shoegirl10

Evening ladies,

As fellow teachers have any of you not returned back to your school and paid back your maternity pay? If so was it the OMP you paid back? I really dont want to return back to my school and looking for an April 2017 start at a different school

Any thoughts?
Thanks
xx


----------



## RB76

I didn't return to my job. Due to the circumstances of the birth and my length of service, my head was pretty reasonable and I did one week before the summer holidays and then finished at the end of August, so officially only 'worked' seven weeks. You usually have to do thirteen, but you could return seven weeks before the summer holidays and do it that way if you could afford it?
Otherwise yes it's the OMP you pay back, not the statutory.
I'm very fortunate to still be off but having to look for something for next September. The changes I hoped to happen whilst I was off, haven't! It's just got worse 😭


----------



## Dory10

Hi shoegirl 

I wasn't sure if my request for part time would be agreed and had decided I wouldn't return unless it was so asked for my omp to be kept back, my request was granted so My omp will be paid to me, hopefully next month.  They do come to an agreement though if you need to pay back and won't expect it as a lump sum.

Dory 
Xx


----------



## HopefulKayte

I know this thread is old - it was just recommended to me by another poster. Are there any other teachers who would still like to chat about fitting treatment into this career or recovering from loss while working, or not working and being judged for that, or trying to handle what the colleagues and parents think? If so, I'd love to keep the thread going or chat via PM - let me know 

xo


----------



## Pognut

I'm a lecturer, but I think we have probably got a lot in common in terms of having problems scheduling stuff and taking *any* time off... Would love to moan/compare notes with anyone in a similar boat!


----------



## Dory10

Hello. I'm still around and happy to chat   xx


----------



## patbaz

I’m still around too and more than happy to chat. Dory good to see you on here huni. It’s been a while for me.


----------



## Amoeba1705

I’m around, don’t post much as life is busy working full time and having a toddler x


----------



## HopefulKayte

Wow, my heart sure lifted to see so many fast responses to this topic/thread. And I'm also so happy to see that there are some long-awaited miracles and rainbow babes in your arms now  For those still struggling along waiting for their miracle, I pray that 2018 will be your year!

My backstory is that my experiences trying to conceive my first while working as a grade 2 teacher practically ruined me - although the benefits package and dues we pay as teachers (at least in Canada) grant us sick days and coverage, my boss disagreed with what I was doing and made my life h*ll. Any woman who was unfortunate enough to suffer any sort of "woman's issues" he went after. Each year after I started pursuing treatment, I'd have a drastically different teaching assignment while he kept teachers of new or lower seniority in the same job each year, and basically as much as he could do to me without himself getting in trouble. The stress of the new workloads, night workloads, and trying to do IVF out-of-town at the nearest clinic as a teacher (and with the parents thinking I had issues or was uncommitted when I was in cycles, plus the gossip of work "friends") put me in a deep depression. The happy news is I forged on and now we have a beautiful 4 (almost 5 year old) son. But the sad news is that this experience changed me forever. I ended up transferring schools to escape workplace harrassment and I felt devastated. I lost a lot personally in this situation, the job I'd loved, friends, self-worth. And I know the parents and my colleagues still talk about me and view my battles in a way that no one should view infertility and miscarriage. I felt like I lost a part of myself, as teaching young children and the relationships involved with this, wasn't just a job to me, it was the biggest part of my life and who I was until I tried for my own kids.

So I've been at my new school for a few years now, and we jumped back in the saddle to try for a sibling. The quick story here is that we suffered another miscarriage with my own eggs, then we did a failed donor cycle in Canada where the donor produced 1 embryo!!!, which of course didn't take, and we just got back from Czech Republic where we did another donor cycle. There were 2 embryos on day 5, we transferred both and got a BFP. But after the beta doubled, we had an early m/c last week.

So back to the work topic... when we flew overseas for the cycle, I had let my colleagues know I was having a minor medical procedure, not to worry and I'd be back in a week. (I wanted to do this cycle in the summer whilst on holidays but they weren't doing my blood group for donors until October so I had to wait.) I also told the students' parents the same thing since I teach 6 year olds and there is a lot of parent contact and interaction, so I wanted them to know they'd have a substitute teacher for a week. But before that, I had to miss work for some bloodwork and ultrasounds, which here are only offered in the mornings as of 8am, so the whole missing work thing began again... and then with my m/c, for the first few days although it was so early, the pain was so bad we feared ectopic... it took 4 days of bloods and ultrasounds to figure everything out plus I was bawling my eyes out and on painkillers. In this time I missed my class' Christmas play and an open house with the parents, which made me feel extra horrible and uncomfortable, and tremendous guilt. Then there was one week left of school before Christmas and I got a nasty note from my teaching aide (who shares the room with me and knew about the potential ectopic and all the appointments) saying it was hard with me being away and they would appreciate more help, which made me feel extra horrible but also made me wonder, with all the atypical Christmas events going on taking up time for the kids, the things I had left planned, and the ability for the substitute teacher to ask another teacher for ideas or help if I hadn't left enough, or even people just to step up and help in a time like this... I was devastated. I know they don't know the reality of my life's experiences, but just being kind in general would have helped so much. I always pop by to help teachers or their substitutes in a time of need, especially those who teach the same grade, and if they miss a few days I send a text. I consider them friends. I haven't heard a peep except for the responses from my teaching aide, who seems inconvenienced, and I have apologized many times for the time of year and being absent, and admitted I'm devastated!

After all our experiences and the holiday season approaching, following the m/c and then feeling uncomfortable and shameful returning to work before the holidays based on my own guilt for the absences and the responses (or lack thereof) from colleagues, I contacted my boss and revealed the m/c and the baby was four years in the making. It was hard to do this after how my previous boss treated me. Well, he was absolutely wonderful and knows I'm a hard worker, that it was hard to be away and miss the special events for my class. He encouraged me to tap into my short-term leave and take the week off and return in the new year. This was the best Christmas present I could have gotten. I now have such massive anxiety revealing anything to anyone. I feel like I need to do some self-care, get some distance from the holiday emotions and my feelings about the aide, and come back when I feel less weak and awful about it all. I do care what the parents think but at the same time, they are so lucky to have their kids and I desperately want my own chance to give my son the sibling he's asked for, for Christmas and his birthday, that we are struggling to give him. I am profoundly grateful to be his mother and to have a child, I haven't lost sight of this, but I still struggle the loss of his siblings and the challenges of pursuing treatment.

Anyway.... since I am new here I just wanted to share my backstory and please don't fear I will always write this much!! I just have never met anyone who is a teacher and going through this in real life - actually despite the career none of my friends or family have dealt with this. I find we put so much into our jobs but it's such a public job, and I can't hide my appointments or sneak out on a lunch break, which we don't have anymore either, and then I feel up to the judgement of colleagues and parents, which makes me feel ashamed, faulty, less than other women, and affecting everyone else's life. I know it's my choice to pursue this but it's the most important thing for me, and I feel my job should still be just that. Just having trouble coping with everything right now and dreading returning and facing everyone.

More than enough about me... how are you doing and what struggles are you facing, if any? I hope we can be of mutual support to one another. xo


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hello hopefulKayte!  

I'm still around from time to time and happy to chat and support as much as I can.

Ive just read out some of your post to my husband and we are flabbergasted at what you e had to go through - now twice! Thank goodness for your boss's support and being able to take this week off. I am so pleased to hear you have someone on your side, now.

Have you done anything nice today? Is your little boy on holiday yet?

Keep posting xx


----------



## HopefulKayte

Hi Humbug - your name made me giggle as your post is so welcoming and kind!
Thanks for the positive spin. I took the chance of reaching out to the teacher’s aide I had last year - we only knew each other for one year but I really cared for her, now she is on maternity leave. She came over to cry with me and brought me flowers and a meal. I was just a puddle from her kindness and ability to care and love. I’m so grateful - she really saved my heart today and I just had to share.
My little one has one more day before holidays. Since I’m off this week and my appointments are for the most part over I’ve been able to pick him up the last few days and while that’s been bittersweet as it’s due to another sibling being lost, it sure is nice to see him a little more.
I think you started this thread - I think I have some weekend reading to do. 🙂
Merry Christmas!


----------



## Bahhumbug

I did indeed start the thread - feels like forever ago. Apologies in advance for any cringey bits - I stand by what I've said though as I felt it all at the time! With bells on.

Hope you find some of the previous chat helpful, if only you know you are not alone. The job is SO front line, let alone the nature of working with the blimmin lovely kiddies themselves and their own sibling announcements, it is truly brutal when you are ttc yourself. Obviously plenty of jobs are mega stressful, but I can't help but think that teaching is a bit of a broken profession at the moment (although it all comes round cyclically in the end) and the stress alone is enough, let alone personal stuff. I'm sure it's the same for a lot of other industries.

Im so glad you got to do some school runs as well as relax, although I know you have tons on your mind.

Hoping you have a better evening and some restorative sleep x


----------



## Dory10

Hopefulkayte I'm so sorry for your loss and all that you've been through.  I've experienced negativity at work in the past and know how this adds so much extra stress to an already stressful time.  One thing the cycles and losses have taught me is to be selfish, work is important as it enables the cycles but you can give your all for it and be no better thought of when you need to take time off.  Put yourself and your family first as no one else will  

Lovely to see all our familiar faces popping on  . How's everyone? Ready for Christmas? Xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Ps It would be very unsporting of me, not to mention wholly insensitive, to not say that we are actually incredibly, incredibly fortunate to be having no 2, a natural miracle, due towards the end of Feb. I didn't want that to come out later when chatting and wasn't sure if I'd posted it on here.
Xxx


----------



## patbaz

Hi Dory. I actually had my scratch today. I’m going for one more throw of the dice but this is really the last time as DH has just lost his job and I will be 42 this year and tbh work is just incredibly stressful at the minute. 

Ahh humbug that is just the most wonderful news huni congratulations xx


----------



## Dory10

Humbug Many congratulations, lovely news xx

Patbaz How are you feeling after it not too sore I hope, is it a fresh cycle, lots of luck xx

Not sure if anyone clocked my signature but We've  been back on the cycle wagon too, still very early days and had a scare a few weeks ago but am currently 8 weeks pregnant (feels strange writing that again) xx


----------



## aliced

Hi everyone, I'm still here too and jumping on the band wagon im also due number 2 in February with a natural miracl(I was taking DHEA).
Congratulations Dory and Bahumbug I can't believe how far we've all come. Good luck Patbaz I hope all goes well. 
HopefulKayte it sounds like you're having a really tough time and I remember the guilt and stress I had trying to fit appointments in my previous job with an unsupportive head. I too moved jobs in between treatments to a much more supportive one. I hope you have a nice relaxing Christmas with your little boy.


----------



## patbaz

Dory that’s amazing news huni. Yes this will be a fresh cycle for me. We have a new principal in work so I’m not sure how I’m going to manage appointments etc especially with the little one running around but it’s my last chance for a sibling so I am keeping everything crossed for a good outcome. 

Aliced so pleased for you huni. How funny the world works eh?? All the stress of infertility and you beat the odds with a natural miracle!! So happy for you. 

It’s just so lovely to hear from everyone again and of course meet new people. I hope everyone is ready for Santa?!?


----------



## HopefulKayte

I'm glad there is still interest in this thread. Thanks so much for all the replies already. Also, sounds like many of you will be having an extra special Christmas with no.2 on the way. Congratulations, that is wonderful!

I'm trying to motivate my emotions to be joyful this holiday season with a beautiful, excited son to enjoy it all with. There are many grieving people who are still in the wait so I hope this isn't insensitive to them. It is the fourth Christmas since we've been trying with OE cycles and now this past year 2 DE cycles to give him what he wants most, a sibling, and I'm just feeling crushed about all the results. This past year was one of such big undertakings for us and while I never felt confident about success, the losses still hit hard. 

I think I'm also feeling depressed about how December went at work and the responses at school, why I first looked for support here and was delighted to find this topic. I just drove into work for the first time since I was miscarrying and had brought in activities and other items for my class (and the experienced, retired teacher and the aide.) It looks like the one Christmas activity booklet I made for each child, other teachers photocopied it to use for their classes! I'm all about sharing, but in hindsight I'm furious I came in when I was signed off for 2 weeks, still in pain and feeling terrible, needing DH to be there and help me. Nary a text from my colleagues or a Merry Christmas, but they used that book for their own class? Deep breathing here people! If this is happening all over again at a new school, do I really need to leave AGAIN (and not know where I will end up) in order to escape these bad feelings? I think I will just try to enjoy Christmas, be grateful for my blessings, and then try to think about work and my bad feelings afterward. I almost want to talk to my boss, who has been so supportive and left me a lovely card, but he is a guy, and I know he respects me and my positivity, and the convo would involve my opinions, miscarriage and treatment, all sorts of private things and also talking poorly about other people. Which I hate to do and I try hard to be professional. But I am dreading returning.

Anyway, if you are now off work for the holidays, want to wish you all well and thank you for your support!

Anyway,


----------



## patbaz

HopefulKayte I know that it can be really frustrating when others use your work as their own without asking or saying thank you but I would take it as a compliment that they wanted to steal you work and rise above it. I cannot believe that your colleagues haven’t been in touch with you while you’ve been off. I think that’s shocking but maybe they found it a difficult topic to discuss with you?  You will always have support on here. I’ve been through tx 10 times now and I’m now about to start tx number 11 trying for a sibling so I do understand how lonely it can be. We are always here with words of advice or encouragement whenever you need it.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Humbug fab news 😊😊😊 xxx 

Dory fab news from you too 😊😊😊 xxx


----------



## aliced

HopefulKate I think that is so cheeky but I would take it as a compliment. Stuff them, don't care what they think and just focus on your boy and treatment. 
Thanks everyone it's a lovely shock we were trying but certainly didn't expect it to happen. We had just started to save up for more treatment. 
Good luck Patbaz with your next round of treatment, everything crossed for you.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Alice fab news - sorry I missed your original post xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

I must have missed it a well, Alice - huge congratulations xx


----------



## aliced

Thank you


----------



## Dory10

How's everyone finding being back at work after the Christmas break? I'm very glad the week is over fir me now, I'm  shattered, not that I've been having big lie ins or anything but I've just not been up and out by 7.30am for a couple of weeks  . Alice congratulations! xx


----------



## aliced

I'm not back till Monday and already dreading it. Even though we are up the usual time on a morning I struggle to leave the house before 9, so goodness knows what Monday will be like when I have to leave the house by 7:30 at the latest. 
I'm also just so exhausted as well.


----------



## patbaz

Happy new year everyone. I’m back at work 😩 and I’ve already started stimms for my new and Very last cycle(unless I get some Frosties). I’m exhausted as my LG won’t sleep through the night never has and I doubt she ever will!!  

I hope 2018 brings joy to you all x


----------



## aliced

Good luck Patbaz with your cycle I hope it goes well. Hopefully school will take your mind off things.


----------



## Dory10

Good Luck Patbaz    Xx


----------



## Hope2018

Hey ladies, I hope you don’t mind me joining in this thread! I have just stumbled across it and I am over the moon to find some fellow teachers on here. 
I am due to start IUI this month, and really trying to decide whether I need to tell work yet or not. 
I have managed to avoid it for the last year with appointments being after school or scans/ bloods often falling in school holidays. The odd time I have had to go I have just said I was going for a blood test, no questions asked.
I am wondering how I am going to hide it now I am going to be having stimulated cycles 
Xxx


----------



## Shoegirl10

Youbtaje the time you need! I had the guilt trip during ivf cycles but then I thought enough is enough and now just get leave of absence! Focus on your treatment xx


----------



## Hope2018

Yeahh I just don’t know how to word it to my boss lol xxx


----------



## patbaz

Get a sick note from your gp huni so no explaining needed.


----------



## Hope2018

Ahh I can’t do that, I have too much responsibility at work to take time off unless I am actually sick. Mind you, once I started these injections it might make me feel poorly haha! 
I think I am just going to have to bite the bullet and tell them. I think I am going to try and do the first IUI cycle without telling and then maybe tell them the mo th after if that one didn’t work xxx


----------



## patbaz

I’m Head if my dept and the first few times I went through tx I stressed about missing work etc but tx was much easier when I just took the time off as we never told anyone about tx


----------



## Dory10

Completely agree with Patbaz, I'm on SLT too and there were things only I knew how to do so I felt pressure to always be there but you soon realise there are things more important than work and that it won't grind to a halt without you.  We went straight to IVF ICSI so I'm not sure what build up there is to IUI, I suppose you escape the egg collection procedure and recovery but would imagine there's scans etc and medication tweaks before hand?

Good luck


----------



## Hope2018

Yeahh I haven’t started it yet but from what I have read I think it seems pretty similar except that part of IVF
Xxx


----------



## Dory10

Patbaz How are you getting along with your cycle?  Sending     Xx

Fst Have you started the IUI cycle?  Xx

Hope everyone else is ok xx


----------



## Hope2018

Hey, I finally got AF tofay so I can start my injections on Friday. 
I’m actually really excited haha!
How are you?
Xxx


----------



## patbaz

Hi dory huni how are you keeping??

FST yay for af showing up and good luck with you injections xx

I am currently PUPO again lol. I’m feeling quite good and I’m keeping busy trying not to obsess too much. I have four embies still under embryoscope but the call today told me that I will be lucky to get any to freeze at all. So everything riding on this cycle. I have really decided that this is it and if this time doesn’t work I will start to live life again properly. I knew that I was easy for this to be the last round when I cleared all my cupboards of any left over meds syringes etc so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. 

How is everyone else doing??


----------



## Dory10

Everything crossed for you Patbaz   Glad you're feeling good, positive thoughts  Xx

Fst Glad you can get started now AF has turned up good luck   Xx

I'm ok thanks, tired, today was a bit of a killer at work.  There are murmurings of possible changes so I think some people are feeling a bit prickly!


----------



## patbaz

That can be tough dory. We have a new principal and we are not too sure about him yet!


----------



## aliced

Good luck Patbaz Ive been thinkng about you. When is OTD or would you rather not say? 
Fst89 good luck too I hope it all goes well.
I hope everyone else is all okay x


----------



## patbaz

Thanks Alice. OTD is 2nd of feb. Seems forever away especially since last time I didn’t make OTD. I had full on period 3 or 4 days before OTD. I think I may test early this time but I will wait and see. For the minute I feel quite calm and relaxed. How are you getting on?


----------



## aliced

Aww that's good that you're feeling relaxed I'm sure your little girl will keep you busy and keep your mind occupied.
Just keep relaxing 😄
I'm good thanks, baby due in 2 weeks still feels very surreal I still look at my dd and can't believe she's mine.


----------



## patbaz

Gosh only 2 weeks!! Bet you can’t wait!!! I’m sure Dd will be very excited x


----------



## Dory10

Sending positive vibes your way this week Patbaz  xxx


----------



## patbaz

Thanks Dory but things don’t look too good. Only 3 more sleeps until OTD but I’ve tested early and bfn and I had bfp at this stage with dd


----------



## Dory10

Patbaz Really hoping it's just a bit early for you     Xx


----------



## aliced

Lots of positive thoughts Patbaz, thinking of you xx


----------



## patbaz

Aww thanks ladies. There is still a glimmer of hope but it’s very slim.


----------



## patbaz

So af has shown up and I’m out. No more children for me. Infertility is so so cruel.


----------



## Dory10

Patbaz    sending gentle hugs Im so sorry xxx


----------



## aliced

Me too I don't know what to say Patbaz it is such a cruel thing. Lots and lots of hugs lovely x


----------



## patbaz

Thanks ladies. I feel so much worse this time as I know it’s the last. Don’t know what to do with myself tbh


----------



## Amoeba1705

Just caught up Patbaz sending massive hugs xxxxx 🤗🤗🤗🤗


----------



## Dory10

Patbaz That's completely understandable, I hope you're able to have some time off work   xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

patbaz  
So so sorry


----------



## patbaz

Thanks Ladies. I haven’t taken any time off work. Too many exam classes so cannot afford the time. It keeps me busy anyway. I feel kind of lost at the minute and don’t really know how to be because it’s always been let’s plan for the next round. I think I’m going to go on a health kick and see where I go from there. Gym always helps me and I’m about 3 stone overweight at the minute so it should make me feel better if nothing else to loose a bit of weight. I hope you are all doing well xx


----------



## aliced

Patbaz glad you're keeping busy but do allow yourself to have a good wallow and cry. 
Thinking of you x


----------



## patbaz

Thanks aliceD not long now for you huni. Looking forward to hearing some good news for a change. Keep us posted xx


----------



## Dory10

Patbaz Thats good if it's helping keeping busy, just look after yourself too   Xx


----------



## aliced

Sorry if this is insensitive but just to let you know that DD number 2 arrived on Sunday.


----------



## Hope2018

What lovely news! Congratulations 
Xxx


----------



## patbaz

That’s fantastic news Alice. Enjoy every precious second xx


----------



## Amoeba1705

Fantastic news Aloce, huge congratulations to you all xxx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Hello!
Theres a notification that this thread has been inactive but I thought I'd say hi anyway 
I had our little girl in February and she's doing well. Our son has just about got used to the idea she's here to stay :/
Life is crazy at the mo but we are finding our feet. I'm trying to hard to enjoy them both despite the busy-ness of life, and to take time to appreciate them every day, even though they can be a handful and a half. I hope I always cling on to how hard-fought they are.
In the meantime I've had 2 friends/acquantances successfully adopt, which gives me great joy.

Hope everyone else is doing ok - ?

And that anyone finding this thread anew, especially teachers, can take maybe some comfort in our solidarity. 

Love to all xxxx


----------



## patbaz

Ah humbug that is great news. I’m sure ds will soon get used to his little sister. Glad to hear all is going well for you xx


----------



## Bahhumbug

Thank you!
How are you? And your little girl? She must be a similar age to my son. It's a crazy mix of trying tons of new skills and a whole load of frustration, huh?!
Sending you hugs x


----------



## patbaz

I’m grand humbug and loving life with my LG. Would still love a sibling but no more tx for me but my LG is a bit of a drama queen so she keeps me going lol


----------



## Amoeba1705

Humbug congrats (belated) on birth of your little girl. Sure ds will get used to having a little sister. Glad to hear all is good though ☺☺ Xxx

Hi to everyone else  

Afm busy job hunting as still on supply but as yet no luck so not sure what’s going to happen as am scraping barrel money wise😩😩 little man brightens my world though ☺😁😁😁☺ Slowly getting over some of his allergies, more of an intolerance now; but his hypermobility is slowing him down a bit in that when he walks it’s as if he only just learnt rather than almost 9m ago - he still has the unsteadiness and ppl say ‘oh look he’s only just found his feet’ when they see him (makes me both angry and sad) he also doesn’t speak but hv said she’ll refer him at his 2yr assessment....how did he get to being almost 2 😮😮😮 xx


----------



## patbaz

Hi amoeba great to hear from you. My LG is cmpa and no sign of it getting better. How did you approach your sons allergy?


----------



## aliced

Congratulations Bahumbug that's lovely news. The good thing about your son being so young is that he will soon forget life before he was a big brother 😄 My 2 yo DD loves her baby sister too much 😁
Hello everybody else, good to hear your all well. Patbaz it must be a girl thing as I also have a drama queen. 
Ameoba I know time flies it's scary.


----------



## Amoeba1705

Patbaz in he beginning I fought to get him a prescription milk but he actually got worse within a few days on that so went to a&e, he was changed to a different one but still reacted so 2w later got changed to an amino acid formula - I got my little boy back then not the one that screamed in pain 24/7😢 once weaning commenced I just read everything and only chose stuff that were dairy free; tbh I struggled more due to other food issues. He literally eats the same meals every day but is growing well and dietician/paed Both day he’s better to be fed than not fed even if it is sausages or nuggets with smiley faces 🤣🙈 any questions feel free to ask, he’s currently tolerating normal chocolate but not gone higher on ladder yet x


----------



## patbaz

Thanks amoeba my LG hasn’t passed first rung on the milk ladder yet. Just worry she is not getting proper nutrition


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## Amoeba1705

Patbaz I’ve done a modified ladder - Calan reacts to malted milk and digestives (facial rashes & blotches and behaviour changes); but after 2 milk challenges in hospital I decided to just do our own thing (paed agreed) so we’ve done spread with buttermilk in, homemade pancakes, & chocolate. He won’t eat the foods on the ladder and won’t touch yogurt/cheese or milk so stuck. He used my fork the other day that and cheese sauce on it (probably step 11 equivalent) and he had hives so still reacts to some dairy. Your LG should be getting proper nutrition if eating a healthy diet and using an alternative milk if possible. Xx


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