# Problem that I'm not close to my sister-in-law?



## Jdyson (Aug 26, 2013)

Hello

I've been on various boards on here and have now moved on to adoption.  We started researching agencies at the end of last year and going to information evenings over the last couple of months.

We thought we'd found the right agency and had a home visit which went well but a couple off days later received a letter saying they weren't taking our application any further as they have too many adopters for age range we are looking at (why then come to visit?).

But the other reason was that they'd like to see me have a closer relationship with my sister in law.  I've never been close to her, we're just too different and see each other on family occasions.  But last year they announced their second pregnancy 2 weeks after my second miscarriage, I took this news very badly and distanced myself to give myself time and space.  This was also advised to me my counsellor - but has now gone against me.

Will this be a problem going forward?  Any advise would be welcome as we're booked on other information evenings.  I've suffered so much heartbreak, surely there can't be anymore for me?


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## Lous mummy (Jun 16, 2014)

Hi, 

A few years ago I was in almost the exact same situation as you, I suffered an ectopic pregnancy and only a few weeks after that my Brother and SIL came to visit, I thought they were coming to see how I was but no, they wanted to tell me their wonderful news! I remember I cried, certainly not tears of joy! I then got weekly text updates of the pregnancy along with her asking for advice! In the end I stopped speaking to them unless I had to! 

It never really came up when I was being assessed, I told them we were not particularly close but I know that if I needed them I could ask, which I can and I'm sure the situation would be the same for you?! 

My advice would be to just try other agencies, keep going! My beautiful bundle is fast asleep upstairs in her cot right now and I can honestly say she is entirely worth it! 
Good luck X


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

The adoption journey is one of endurance. Don't let a knock back stop you - another agency or social worker may not have the same issue with your situation or may just be more understanding.

Do try not to focus on anything that could be seen negatively though.

My husband and I have had so many rejections along the way that I can't even count them anymore - we even went to panel, got approved and go the approval pulled 2 weeks later. Right now I am quickly typing this as my 2 youngest are asleep upstairs and will be waking soon, the older 2 are playing in the garden 😆. You might not want to go as far as we did but my point is you need to keep picking yourself back up and pushing forward.


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## Ozzycat (Mar 18, 2013)

Hi jdyson,
Just to reassure you, I don't have a relationship with my mum but my beautiful bundle of joy is also asleep at the moment... 
Keep going and focus on all the positive relationships you do have and the support network around you.
Like Lousmummy said just simply say your SIL and brother are there for you should you ever need them 
Good luck in this journey, it's so worth it in the end xxx


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## Cassie78 (May 26, 2013)

I haven't spoken to my SIL for about 5yrs! I see my brother but not often. It wasn't a problem at all. In fact I don't think our SW mentioned her in our PAR report. She cleverly left it out. I am close to my other brothers and family though. I bet its mainly because they already have too many adopters waiting for your age preference.  Don't let this stop you. Find another agency.


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## liveinhope (Jan 8, 2008)

Im not close to my sister in law either.  I think if you can promote other areas of your support network then it shouldn't matter


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