# Secret FET



## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

hello all,

well after two very stressful failed ivf treatments, and a recent failed FET, i have decided to go it alone.

by this i mean i am not telling my husband - or anybody for that matter - that i am going to have a second (and final) treatment. 

i quietly made my way to the royal shrewsbury hospital yesterday afternoon for my gonapeptyl injection and am now secretly down-regging.

i go back on the 30th march for my baseline scan and bloods, then there will be just one more baseline before transfer, which is expected to take place the week beginning 13th april. 

this is handy because it's the start of the school easter holidays (i'm a cover teacher in a secondary school, so this works out particularly well). 

i will be having gestone injections daily from the point of transfer and i have just realised that this could prove tricky in terms of keeping the treatment secret on account of the fact that the nurse at my surgery administers it for me but at the weekends i am visited by the district nurse. not sure how i'll get round that one but i'll deal with that closer to the time.

i know it may sound strange that i am keeping this treatment a secret, but the stress it puts on my relationship is an added pressure i can do without. i'd rather just get on with it to be honest.

my husband would not object to the treatment, he has already said that it's up to me. but in my mind that is not support, it is just consent. so as long as i've got the latter, i'd prefer to do this on my own.

i'll keep this thread updated.

rosie xx


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

Hey Rosie 

Long time no see on here (mind you, I don't come on quite as much now I'm not modding !!  )

So sorry about the recent FET hun   and you are incredibly brave and strong to being "going this alone" ....I'm not sure I could keep it, or certainly not hide it, from my DP but I can completely understand your reasons....it does put so much strain and pressure on relationships.

I really just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world and will be keeping my fingers, toes and eyes crossed that this is the one for you !     

You know where I am on ******** too, if you ever wanna chat (although obviously I don't mention anything about FF, ttc, IVF etc on the main "wall" bit.

Thinking of you....and take care
Natasha xxxx


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## Marielou (Oct 18, 2003)

Just wanted to wish you all the very best, and hope you get to give DH the biggest and best suprise of his life soon!    

Marie xxxx


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## juicygem (Jul 6, 2008)

Hi Rosie,

Good luck. I can understand the need for keeping things quiet. I have been keeping my treatment secret from my parents, not beacuse they wouldn't fully support me but they would get emotionally involved and I feel that puts even more pressure on me.

One quick thought hun, won't you need your DH's signature to transfer the embryos? I have to get that to proceed with my FET this month.

Best of luck.

Juicygem xx


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

hi juicygem,

no, i don't need his signature. well i certainly didn't for any of the previous treatments anyway...

nearly got rumbled the other night. he spotted the little bruise by my belly button from the gonapeptyl injection. but nothing was made of it so it was ok.

if he outright asks me if i would consider another treatment or anything like that, then i will tell him the truth. but if he doesn't mention it then neither will i.

xx


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

and thanks also for your messages, minxy and marielou!

xx


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

Thinking of you Rosie. Hope it's all going okay.


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## crazychic (Oct 27, 2008)

Hiya rosie

just wanted to wish you the very best  and think your very brave going alone


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

thanks for the good luck messages.

if everything goes well with the thaw in the morning then i'll be due to have my embryos transferred tomorrow lunchtime.

feel a little nervous when i imagine how it's going to feel to be at that stage without dh to be there holding my hand but i still believe 100% that doing this by myself is the only way forward. 

i feel almost empowered by my independence.

so anyway, we'll just have to wait and see if it all pays off in the end, won't we.

xx


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

Will be thinking of you tomorrow and the next two weeks


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## Marielou (Oct 18, 2003)

Very best of luck, hope all went well today - have been mentally holding your hand!     

Marie xxxx


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## sillylally (Jan 1, 2006)

Rosie - I can completely understand why you are going it alone. I've thought about it with my FET because my DP has been a little odd at times. He says he wants to do FET & then when I was ready to go ahead he decided he wasn't. I was very upset & even thought about taking my gay friend with me for support. I thought it would be more like a "normal" pregnancy if I could just have them put back in.

I wish you all the luck & can't wait to hear how you get on.  Sally xxx


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## Caz.s (Jun 27, 2008)

Hi Rosie

I dont blame you for going it alone I can so understand the pressure its puts on your relationship. I

really want to wish you good luck for today and pray the next two weeks go really quickly and you get a BFP at the end

 Caz.s xx


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

just a quick update on what's been happening since i last posted:

so i had two embryos transferred last tuesday (6 days ago). both had lost cells but one had shown itself to be active by reabsorbing the cell debris. 

since then i have had my gestone injections every day apart from the weekend, when i used cyclogest pessaries instead.

the first week of my 2ww has flown by really quickly, and i think this is partly because i have not been able to acknowledge what's going on when i'm at home. dh still doesn't know that i've had an FET and although at times i've nearly buckled and told him everything, i'm glad that i haven't.

in terms of symptoms, i haven't got sore boobs whatsoever but have just been really tired. i have had some light stretching type pains in my tummy, but i wouldn't go as far as saying they were AF pains. i've had no spotting - which annoys me really on account of the fact that i have read so many 2ww diaries and every BFP i have read about was signalled with spotting.

anyway, woke up this morning with terrible cystitis for some reason. i was in such a lot of pain with it so when i went for my gestone injection first thing this morning, i told the nurse. she asked me to do a wee sample so she could test for infection and she found blood protein in my water and cells. she then tested for pregnancy, just in case and yes, you've guessed it: BFN.

i've googled negative test 6dpt and i've discovered lots of women had positive tests 6dpt so i feel a bit deflated today.

i won't test again now until the weekend. i don't really want to test on the OTD 28 april because it's my birthday. wouldn't you know it, eh.

anyway.

what do you think?

xx


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

I think it is FAR too early to test today 

I would test on Saturday morning


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## LizH (Nov 19, 2004)

I would also say that 6dpt is far too early to test as well.  You could have late implanters that haven't started producing hcg yet.  Also from my experience this week-end I would not recommend early testing.  I tested on Saturday which was 11dpt (day 2 frosties) and got the feintest line you could imagine on a sensitive pee stick (supposed to detect anything above 10 iu per ml of hcg).  Yesterday the line was slightly darker, but today I got proper line and I've had a blood test which came back with hcg level at 113.  They were cheap ebay tests though so that may explain the very feint lines.  What I'm trying to say is that you will get a much more accurate result on your official test day so try and wait until then or the day before if you can - much easier said than done I know!!!

Wishing you the best of luck, Liz


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## Marielou (Oct 18, 2003)

OMG 6dpt is far far too early to test   I certainly had no symptoms - I had spotting with DS, but 10dpt and no symptoms otherwise.  This pregnancy I had no spotting, and no symptoms.  Its so easy to get hung up on symptom watching but honestly, honestly the amount of ladies posts I read on 1st tri who have no symptoms and are worried .. it is so, so common   
I got BFP's 11dpt both times.

Marie xxxx


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

not even sore boobs?

because mine have got nothing going on in them whatsoever...

xx


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

I had NO symptoms AT ALL


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## drownedgirl (Nov 12, 2006)

The pg tests at the dr's surgery are not very sensitive ones.


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## Marielou (Oct 18, 2003)

I never had sore boobs with my first pregnancy, and this time round my breasts got sore for a bit weeks 12-18 but other than that they didn't change at all until I was into my 2nd tri.


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## berry55 (Sep 4, 2008)

Hi Rosie,

I just wanted to wish u all the best of luck. I have just done FET, we only had 1 blast in freezer and it thawed (which was a shock) I dont know how u r managing 2 deal with this alone, but you r a remarkable person. welldone!!!   I am 5dpt and i have been getting mild AF pains... and i'm starting to think its all over for me. I have had no spotting and my boobs r not sore either. My OTD is 27th april.. so only 6 days for me 2 go.... but i feel like its taking an eternity. I would really like to do a test now but i know it is way to early. Best of luck to you xxxxx


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

thanks for all your support, everyone.

still no symptoms, some pain appeared in my right breast intermittently last night but at no point have they been sore or tender to the touch.

cystitis feeling is back again, though not as severe as it was the day before yesterday, so i've got to nip back to the surgery this morning to collect some penicillin. i feel very sensitive down there really. very aware of the whole area between my legs, like a hot aching feeling. not nice.

i generally feel a little out of sorts too. i am slightly light headed and have a strange taste in my mouth that refuses to go away. but not a typical pregnancy metallic taste, just a strange taste.

i plan to test on saturday... 11dpt.

xx


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

sorry, i should just add that i didn't mean the above message to sound like i am feeling positive about the FET working. i'm really not. 

it always works for someone else, not me! and i'm not being all 'woe is me' here, honest! it's the truth. seriously, i'm always the one to cling to the late implantation hope, or the no symtoms but pregnant hope, but it never pays off somehow.

so the above message wasn't me looking for symptoms and believing that this time i'm lucky.

just thought i should mention it because i didn't want to give the wrong impression.

xx


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## LizH (Nov 19, 2004)

Your symptons sound very promising to me - I have a strange dizzy/light headed feeling which started last Thursday, also I don't have sore boobs but I have had a few twinges.  I'm not surprised you don't feel too positive, you have been through a lot of treatments -but there is no reason why it shouldn't work - looks like you've got some good embryos as well.  Best of luck for Saturday, Liz xx


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

Hi hun

Been wondering how you were getting on (and apologies for not replying to your message on ** ages ago !)......as the other girls have said, 6dpt is way way too early for accurate peestick.......even 11dpt may be too early....honestly, I'm not just trying to say this but I have read of so many women testing BFN on even 13dpt and then get BFP on 14dpt....just need to allow for that HCG level to rise !!

I'm not going to say anything about symptoms cos as you're already aware, through experience, there really is no way of knowing what's happening.

All I want to say is I'm thinking of you chick, sending you loads _and loads _ of positive thoughts and sticky vibes....so hoping this is your time !     

Love, luck & sticky vibes
Natasha xx


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

aww thanks minxy.

well it's 10dpt today - big day, but bigger day tomorrow because it'll be either today or, most likely, tomorrow that i will bleed if it hasn't worked.

my first ivf resulted in AF 10dpt; my second ivf ended on 11dpt; my first FET resulted in AF turning up on 11dpt (despite having gestone to prevent these early bleeds, though, to be fair it did stop for a couple of days before arriving on OTD in all it's glory).

in other news, i had a bit of a face on me yesterday after going to the surgery in the morning for my injection. the nurse who does them for me is really lovely and i get on with her well and we always have a nice little chat while i'm there. yesterday however, i told her about the prescription for penicillin i was given for my recurring cystitis, and she asked if that was ok in light of my embryo transfer. i said it was and then she said that she didn't suppose it really mattered because we know it hasn't worked anyway! i was a little dumbfounded and stuttered that we didn't strictly know that, and wouldn't until OTD if AF didn't turn up first. to this she replied, 'well, we'll see...'



anyway.

she's lovely so i won't hold it against her.

today then may well be my last gestone injection of this cycle, on account of me using pessaries over the weekend and AF potentially due tomorrow. 

i was very good in tescos last night when i went in to get some groceries. although i admittedly did go and stand in front of the shelves of pee sticks, blinking for an extended period of time, i did also manage to walk away from them, leaving each and everyone untouched.

i think that the reason is i don't want it all to be over yet.

i'd happily wait and wonder for all of eternity than see just one line on a stick.

so please keep everything crossed for me that AF doesn't arrive today while i'm work, won't you.

(i started to get light AF feelings last night...)

and think of me tomorrow, when i may well be bleeding, when i go and see my brother's girlfriend in hospital after her giving birth to a little boy last night. it could be something of a challenge for me, all told.

and good luck and sticky vibes to everyone.

love rosie xxx


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## sillylally (Jan 1, 2006)

Rosie - I have been following your tx story & really have my fingers crossed for you. From reading your signature at the bottom I can see you have been through a lot. Don't know how you've stayed sane.

Have they ever talked about immune issues with you over all these tx's ? Not that I am in any official position to ask, butIjust wondered. Hope you don'tmind me being nosey.

Good luck, I have a good feeling for you. Shame your nice nurse said that to you, I remember my DP saying a similar thing to me on our 1st IVF & that was the one that worked !  So keep your chin up & believe that it CAN happen.

All the best, Sally x


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## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

Hi Rosie I agree with Sillylally- what an awful thing to say to someone going through tx!! I just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world. I totally relate to you wanting to keep this to yourself when I was going through previous tx I use to feel as though I had let everyone down when it failed and the guilt of that was probably worse than the tx actually failing (?) (does that make sense??) This time round I have told my sis in law and a couple of friends from work that we are starting again soon but no way on earth am I telling my mum and dad as I just don't want to be held responsible for them getting upset etc.

Massive    I truly hope all works out for you and you can give them all a massive surprise!!!  

isobel xxxx


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## SuziT (Aug 18, 2007)

Hi Rosie

I hope you dont mind me posting on your thread.  When I first joined ff a few years back I followed your story.  Really hope that this time it works for you.

Will keep my fingers crossed.

take care

Nicky


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## wishing4miracle (Sep 7, 2006)

lots of luck    

as for the nurse     i would have def complained.

ive been following you for quite some time since you first went through tx.i think we may have posted in the same thread at some point.


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## [Katie] (May 14, 2004)

Rosie,

Just been reading this thread and wanted to wish you loads of luck.    

When I got my BFP I didn't have any symptoms yet my HCG level was very high when I got the blood test result.

Katie xx


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

aw thanks everyone.

i buckled today when i was in town. i bought pregnancy tests, peed on one of them and got a BFN.

i've struggled not to cry for the rest of the afternoon.

just got to try not to think about it now and wait for AF. she's on her way. i can feel it.

chin's wobbling again now so i'm off to yoga. but you know what the worst thing is? i've got nobody's shoulder to cry on because i kept my treatment a secret. that is the downside of this approach, girls. you can trust me on that.


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## [Katie] (May 14, 2004)

Hopefully you will feel able to tell DH so he can give you a big hug, especially if this was your last attempt. Surely otherwise he will always be waiting for you to say you want to try again. Enjoy your yoga, I do pilates, and be kind to yourself. x


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

thank you so much


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## SuziT (Aug 18, 2007)

I'm gutted for you.  Is it still not too early?  Will still pray that you get a positive result tomorrow.  Will be thinking about you 

take care
xx


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## sillylally (Jan 1, 2006)

Rosie - hun I'm so sad to read your post. I've been hoping for you that this time is the one. Maybe just maybe you are one of us girls who needs that test done later. Will you still test tomorrow ?

How many DPT are you ? I really feel for you, but you know you have all of us here to help you through if you don't get the result we're all hoping for for you. Sending you the biggest hug I can possibly send you from Sussex.

Sally xxx


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)




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## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

So sorry


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## wishing4miracle (Sep 7, 2006)

you maybe too early lovey   ive seen ladies that have had day 3 et and had a bfn 14dpt and a bfp by 16dpt.lots of     coming your way.must be so hard as your dh doesnt know.big


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## sillylally (Jan 1, 2006)

Be brave hun, you have got this far & done so well. I think you are incredible to go it alone & I wish I had your guts. I'll be looking out for you incase you test again over the weekend. Sending love.

xxxx


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

Rosie


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## berry55 (Sep 4, 2008)

Rosie  i also did a test thie evening and it was a bfn I'm so upset.i hope ur ok, did u test too early? i'm 3 days early, but i also feel af is on her way    xxx


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

berry.

so sorry to hear you got a bfn too. i tested again this morning and it was still the same old one liner.

no surprise though as woke up at half four this morning with period pains. no bleed yet but i expect it will be here in the next few hours.

i'm feeling much more together today after being in total pieces yesterday afternoon. i'm actually glad i did the test now because i don't have to have my hopes shattered by that first flash of red when i'm knicker checking.

i managed to keep myself together last night when dh got home too and was in bed asleep by half nine so today i feel more rested and focused.

OTD is tuesday - my goddamn birthday - but in a way i'm looking forward to ringing the clinic and discussing the possibility of having another FET straightaway. it might be an option.

i want to thank all of you for your support and your love. having not told dh, it was invaluable it really was.

i feel incredibly lucky to have fertility friends. 

rosie xxx


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## berry55 (Sep 4, 2008)

Rosie - you have still tested pretty early, so u never know! I'm trying to keep positive that i have tasted too early, but i kinda know deep down i'm just trying to make myself feel better. I didnt test again today, i think i will just test on OTD which is monday. how crap is all of this!!!   

I just wanted to wish u lots of luck, take care xxx


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## sillylally (Jan 1, 2006)

Berry & rosie - I just want to send you both a massive huggle. I can relate to what you say about testing too early & hanging onto every bit of hope, but I know that it can happen as it happened to me. I will kkeep hoping for you both. It's such a very hard journey all this.

Take care both of you & love to anyone else reading this thread. xxxxx


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

Rosie - I like your positive attitude    FET is the way to go, it really is. I firmly believe in try try again, and it WILL happen for you.


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## Marielou (Oct 18, 2003)




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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

still waiting for AF to show her ugly mug.

how about you, berry? how are you bearing up?

thinking of you

xxx


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## berry55 (Sep 4, 2008)

Hi rosie,

I am the same.... she still has not shown face. I haven't done another test, so I'm really really praying that i just did it 2 early, but i know thats me just giving myself false hope   I  had really strong AF pains lastnight and i was convinced i would have had AF by this morning, but nothing yet. I've also been feeling a little bit sick throughout the day and been getting a bit of lower back pain, but its prob the drugs... i dont usually get back pain with af. My AF pains have kinda almost disappeared for now... but they do come and go..... here i go again, having false hope!   How about u? How u feeling? Did u test again? I'm too blooming scared to do it again! but defo gonna do 1 2morrow morning with 1st morning pee, When i did the test on Friday i did it in the evening.... so i'm also hoping my pee was too diluted lol FALSE HOPE!!!!! 

take care xxxx


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

sounds like you and i are very much in the same boat right now, berry!

and i'm rooting for you. i think you may still be in with a chance.

but if this does turn out to be a bfn, what is your next plan? do you have one?

and are you still taking your meds? i am. it's quite something that i've got to 12dpt without bleeding so far. even if AF arrives this very minute i'll still have beaten my own personal best! i have always bled by day 11. this time i only got cramps.

i might make myself a little certificate when i get to school in the morning. or give myself a well done sticker. you can have one as well, if you like, berry.



we deserve a sticker at the very least!

xxx


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## berry55 (Sep 4, 2008)

Yeah i'm still taking the meds. 6mg of climaval and 2x 400 prosteterone pesseries.  i'm now day 9pt (i had a day 5 blast transferd) Remember i am a day in front of u. its more likely ur test outcome will change rather than mine, i hope both ouf ours does!! 

Iam booked in for another full icsi in july... i was really hoping not 2 have to do it... but thats life. what about u??

AF cramps r getting really painful now, she is coming... i feel it. 

Yeah i would like a sticker!!! A massive pink one lol 

xxx


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

still no AF but periods pains coming and going at will. 

wanted it to show over the weekend rather than when i'm at work but it's too late for that now.



how are you berry? i've been thinking of you all evening and hoping it's going to turn out well for you.

xxx


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## berry55 (Sep 4, 2008)

BFN for me... i'll be on later. Feeling a bit empty.   Thanks for all the support. Take care xxxx


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

berry


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## sillylally (Jan 1, 2006)

Berry - so so sorry to read your sad news. Sending hugs & hope you get through the next few days ok. They always feel the worst. Look after yourself hun. xxx


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## rosiebadgirl (Jan 8, 2007)

oh berry, i'm so sorry.

it's a bfn for me too. i've tested twice today and both negative. will test again in the morning but it's obvious it hasn't worked. still getting occasional AF cramps but i realised earlier that the reason she hasn't yet showed is probably because i've had one medicated FET straight after the other and am probably still pumped full of gonapeptyl. never mind.

i'm thinking of you berry, and have been all day. 

xxx


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

Gutted for both of you.


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