# I need a chat..........



## MRSSJB1 (Sep 11, 2007)

I'm so confused at the moment.

Let me go through my story.

My husband and I had been trying for kids for about 6 years but to no avail. We were eventually given IVF as an option on the NHS. We were both so excited. It seemed that we were one step closer to achieving our dream. Everything seemed to be going well until I had my baseline scan - it showed up a polyp which my consultant told me needed to be removed as it would interfer with the treatment. We both knew that the first time probably wouldn't work and just went ahead with the op to have it removed without really any worries. Unfortunately the polyp showed up to be Grade 1 Stage 1 cancer. Something incredibly rare in someone of my age, 28 years, chances are about 1 in 2million. We were told that because the polyp was so small and the cancer so early, they may be able to cut it all out and that we may be able to continue with IVF. Again, went through the op the 2nd time. When I came round on the ward, I knew that things were not too good when my consultant came to see me. He had to stop the op as I was bleeding heavily and he risked a hysterectomy if he carried on. The rest of the polyp was sent for tests and it had turned more aggressive.

3 weeks ago, I underwent a hysterectomy, fortunately keeping my ovaries. Today I saw my consultant and he told me that it doesn't look like the cancer has spread but they will be keeping a close eye on me because of the rarity of my case. Hopefully I shouldn't need any further treatment but I will find out in about 1 months time.

Today I can't stop crying. When I was first told about the cancer I think I put having children way back in my mind in order to deal with the cancer, now I know it hasn't spread and the consultant has in effect saved my life, my grieving process has started with regards to not being able to bear children. I know that there are other options, surrogacy and adoption, obviously won't be thinking about starting anything for a good long while yet.

I think I just need to chat to people who have been in a similar situation


----------



## leo (Mar 7, 2005)

Hi, I  have read your post and just wanted to send you lots of  , I am sorry that I can not help you with your post as never been in your situation.

But just wanted to let you know,  I am thinking of you, and just take one day at a time and think about yourself and finding the strengh to get better.

There is hope, and I am sure there are people who have been through the same as you who will give you more advise.

Take Care of yourself, and keep posting on here.

Lynne xx


----------



## MRSSJB1 (Sep 11, 2007)

Thanks for your support. I will keep posting.

Many Thanks
Sarah


----------



## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Sarah I also wanted to send you a massive  

you have had a lot to deal with so please keep posting so we can offer some support

love
suzie xx


----------



## **Tashja** (Jan 13, 2005)

H hun

((hugs)) you really have been through it lately haven't you 

There is a lovely lady on here called Sam (Nostelgicsam) and she has been through similer and I believe she is now matched with a surrogate.  She is lovely and if she doesn't mind it might be worth you having a chat with her. 

I will let her know the thread is here. 

T xx


----------



## HJW (Mar 19, 2006)

Hello

Welcome to the Surrogacy section of FF.

Sorry to hear of all you have been through.

Fortunately I haven't had to go through what you have, but I too can't carry my own baby, due to a heart condition. We are currently hoping to start treatment soon with our fab surrogate Jennifer, who we met through Surrogacy UK.

Give yourself lots of time, you have been through so much and when the time is right, you can look into the options and see what is right for you.

Good luck and take care.

Hayley x


----------



## nostalgicsam (Jul 1, 2005)

Hi Sarah,
I know exaclty how you feel; please read my post (link below).

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=32351.0

I hope it will show you, you are not alone, I had my ovaries removed too, only time helps and you never fully get over having had cancer let alone the hysterectomy or not being able to have a child, surrogacy is a chance, I have a lovely surro mum, but still have to deal with my feelings day by day.

But you will be ok, it just seems like you never will at the moment.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.
Love
Sam
xx

I have had to remove personal email information but have PM'd this info to the member concerned. T xx


----------



## MRSSJB1 (Sep 11, 2007)

Hi Sam,

Just read your post and I'm overwhelmed. Sounds like you had a very tough time. I suppose I have to be thankful that they saved my ovaries. The next few years will be worrying as to whether the cancer will come back but I need to stay positive and focused. The worst part for me in my situation is discovering the cancer whilst going through IVF. Your story gives me hope...............

I'll keep posting my progress.

Sarah


----------



## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Sarah
I am so sorry you have had to go through all this 

Like the others have said please just keep posting, we are here to support you through it 

Take care
Love Jo
x  x x


----------



## Jennifer (Jul 22, 2004)

Hi Sarah

Just wanted to send you a big hug and echo what the others have said really.

Wishing you all the best in your recovery and sunnier days ahead 

xx


----------



## MRSSJB1 (Sep 11, 2007)

I phoned and left a message with my Nurse Specialist to ask if I could accept her offer of counselling. It was hard but I believe I have just made a very important decision in dealing with my situation. Husband and I need to talk things through properly.


----------



## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

I am pleased to hear this, you have made an important decision, but one that hopefully makes you one stap closer to getting your dream 

Take care
Love Jo
x x x


----------



## nostalgicsam (Jul 1, 2005)

Hi Sarah,
I know what you mean about worrying the cancer will return, I worried for whole of the first year after my hyst, but touch wood I am about to be 2 yrs post op and now on 6 monthly check ups, it does get easier. I too had some counselling, things hit me all at once too as we were TTC and being investigated for infertility when I was diagnosed.  All I can say is that today we found out that our surrogate Kirsty is pregnant, from frozen embies, that defrosetd ok and it can and does work, so do continue to talk and have hope and take care of each other.
Lots of Love
xx


----------



## Freckles (Sep 10, 2004)

Hi,

I had a hysterectomy (but kept my ovaries) last year as a pre-emptive measure as my consultant felt my fibroids were turning cancerous. We were gutted as I'd undergone surgery to try and keep my uterus and carry our own baby but it wasn't to be. So we focused on the future, as you say what's happened to you is tough but there are other options and you're fortunate to still have your ovaries. Within a year of having a hysterectomy our surrogate (who it was a total privilege to have met) gave birth to our twins who are sleeping here now. And now not only do I have a gorgeous family, I have a friend for life in my surrogate, no stretch marks and I don't have to worry about nasty old periods either!

If you'd like to chat more feel free to PM me.

Nostalgicism - congrats on the bfp!


----------



## Fruitbat24 (Nov 6, 2006)

Hi 

I am sorry to hear your tale.  Sam will be great source of help to you I am sure.

I can't imagine all you are going through.  Be strong and I am sure you will achieve your dream.

I am in a similar situation as in I have ovaries but no womb - I was born that way though.


----------



## nostalgicsam (Jul 1, 2005)

Hi Sarah,
How are you doing?
Sam
x


----------



## MRSSJB1 (Sep 11, 2007)

Hi All,

I haven't been on here for a while and thought I better update my new invisable friends. The last post I left was with regards to finally asking for some form of counselling. The first session helped a lot and it's upto me to decide when the next session will be. Things are getting easier, taking one step at a time. My friend came round with her new 2 month old boy and it was lovely to see them both. I wasn't at all emotional as I thought I would be and I'm glad that I am seeing children without my emotions getting the better of me. I'm going to attempt to get back behind the wheel of a car this weekend which will give me some of my freedom back as I live in the middle of nowhere!!

I also just have to share something that my goddaughter said to her mum and dad when they left after visiting me - she's 4

Teigan asked why me and Jon don't have kids. Steph, her mum, told her in a simple way the reason and teigan came up with a simple solution.......

"Why don't you share me so that Uncle Jon and Aunty Sarah don't get sad"

Just goes to show that kids really do say the amazing things............​


----------



## **Tashja** (Jan 13, 2005)

Awwww Teigan sounds like a lovely goddaughter to have   Kids really do say the most wonderful things.  My little boy agreed I could be a surrogate as long as I promised not to bring the baby home and as long as it didn't have to share his toys   Kids make life so lovely and simple - wish it could stay that way. 

You sound a lot happier too following the councelling - just keep at it with the small steps and I am sure you will get there.  

((hugs)) to you and Jon 

T xx


----------



## MRSSJB1 (Sep 11, 2007)

Hi Tashja,

I am feeling alot happier and more positive. Counselling really does help. I'm pretty in touch with my emotions anyway and I'm looking at the bright side of life. I have a strong belief that everything happens for a reason, whether good or bad.
If my husband and I didn't start IVF when we did, the cancer wouldn't have been found in it's early stages and I would have almost certainley lost my ovaries as well as my womb if not worse......
You've got to be thankful for small mercies in this world.
Don't get me wrong, it still pains me to talk about it, especially to people who I haven't talked about it to before, but it is getting easier. I've got to remember that the whole fiasco has only been going on for about 5 months and my op was 5.5 weeks ago so there will be some scenarios and instances were things will get tough and feel awkward........but i'm positive that i'll get through it. 

Sarah


----------



## Grumpygirl (Oct 24, 2004)

Sarah,
I'm so sorry you've been hit by this particular bus, but very glad you found us here. I don't post here v.often as we're kind of on our last legs with trying donor IVF before considering surrogacy or adoption but I wanted to send you a big hug and wish you lots of luck.

We were also trying for a baby for a year before I had a scan for gallstones that revealed an 8cm tumour on my ovary. A month later I awoke from a laparoscopy to be told I had tumours on both ovaries and that one looked borderline but the other looked suspect. We opted for a private op as there was quite unbelievably a waiting list of almost 8 weeks on the NHS and I was lucky in that they removed only tumours, tubes, ovaries and a bit of my omentum. I then had chemo for 4 months and am now 3 1/2 years past chemo, almost 4 years cancer free. (Well, in November, TOUCH WOOD.) It is such a major shock to be told that not only will you not have children but you also have major health issues, I think Sam is right, you never really get over it but it DOES get easier. I now think a lot less about the cancer and much more about the infertility which is the lasting effect. I have the occasional wobble when I convince myself it's back but more often than not it's just time for my next blood test... 

I wasn't offered counselling, so I think it's a great idea. I could ask all the questions I liked of my nurse specialist and she was lovely but I've only recently been offered it through the infertility department and it is helpful, although I've only been once. You don't have to go through this alone, I know it's rare but there are other ladies like us who've maybe not been through exactly the same thing but something v.similar. I spoke to a few people through Ovacome and their stories helped me massively. There is life after cancer and with an early diagnosis like ours the outcome is so much better.  

At this stage I'm wondering if keeping my uterus for egg donation was a blessing or a curse since having 4 failures has been really tough on top of the cancer, but I guess it is a chance and I'll always be grateful for that. I just read that Sam has got her bfp through surrogacy and it brought the tears on through joy for her. Maybe it'll be us someday.

Love and loads of luck,
Giggly
xx

PS Send me a message anytime if you fancy a chat x


----------



## surromummyuk (Oct 4, 2007)

i just wanted to send you a big hug hun
love nicXX


----------



## Tweetiepie (Aug 23, 2004)

Hugs from me too ...


----------



## MRSSJB1 (Sep 11, 2007)

Hi All,

Hope everyone is well. I can't believe that it has been 10weeks post op and i'm feeling relativley well. Back to work on the 26.11. It's gone really quickly.
Had my hair done last weekend, different hairdresser from last time. The general chit chat that you have with hairdressers turned to kids and whether I had any and do I want them in the future. This was the converstaion that I've been dreading since the op. Didn't mention what has happened to myself, she probably would have wanted to die on the spot, but we talked. I smiled when I said that we don't have any at the moment but we would like to have some in the future. We talked about adoption and she talked about her sisters kids and actually it wasn't all that bad. My sister was getting her hair done at the same time and when I told her about her conversation her reaction was 'oh my god, i'm so sorry, are you OK?' This made me realise that i'm actually alot stronger than some people give me credit for.
Little things that I have been scared about are cropping up all the time and i'm surprising myself with the way that I am coping with things. Seeing babies and children soon after the op, talking to friends about their pregnancies (2 have their 21 weekscan this week) and chatting to strangers about whether we have kids or want kids in the future. I've been worried about returning to work. to combat this, I had a friend from work come round to visit and we talked about whats happening in the office, she told me how her mum and nan coped with hysterectomys and other bits and bobs. I phoned the office and i got passed round to everyone to say hello, that really helped. I'm off to the office on the 06.11 to discuss my return to work amongst other things. I'm actually looking forward to going back.
And on top of all of this, my husband and I have decided to move and buy a house. This is going to be our family home, whther its just us 2 and the cat or whether we get blessed in the future with a child. In Jon's own words, this is where we are going to grow old together. It's a little cottage in the country (or close to), it needs work and it's going to be a new start for us both. Hopefully we'll be in there for xmas.

Love to you all
Sarah


----------

