# Ovulation getting me down..



## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

I think I have mentioned before that I find ovulation difficult but the last 2 months seem to have hit me harder. I am bang in the middle of one at the moment and feel so down. I know it will pass but somehow that doesn't make getting through those 3/4 black days any easier. The other night I dreamt I was pregnant and that I was in labour. I can remember rubbing my huge tummy and feeling worried that I was going into labour in a shopping mall and not at home. Even now I can still see it as my dreams often stay with me for quite some time. It would be nice to get some relief when I go to sleep but I guess my subconscious gets the better of me.

Last night I got so down that I told DH that I don't even want to try DIUI next year as that means not having a holiday again. But I know I will change my mind again and keep repeating that pattern. That is why we are doing it so I can finally get some closure from the whole DIUI issue. I guess in a way I wish we had the money now to do it and get it out of the way. Sorry for ramble but thought it was time I wrote it down how I was feeling in the hope it helps.

xx


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## Megan10 (Jul 16, 2004)

Hi hun,
Sorry you having such a rotten time with this. Its so hard to have this monthly reminder of our pain and in your circumstances it must be extra hard to bear. I know it is really important to you to try DIUI and hopefully get your dream! At the very least it will bring you some closure that can come with the 'we tried all we could'. I can only speak from my own and different experience but the closure part really helped me to draw a line in the sand and start accepting things. 

In the meantime be kind to yourself. The Indian team I work with always say "this too will pass" when times are tough and I find it really helps to think there is a potential resolution/acceptance to come in the future and this intensity of feeling will not last forever hun.

So hoping that by the weekend things look a bit brighter and in the meantime be kind to yourself.
Love and hugs down the M4 and round the dreaded M25
Megan (T) XXXX


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Can't better what Megan has already said hon.

Ovulation and the raging hormones surrounding it - not the easiest of things to go through at any time, moreso when you are in the position of not knowing what the future will bring, and knowing the uncertainty that surrounds tx.

My heart goes out to you hon, if only you didn't have to rely on finances - I hope the year passes quickly for you.

With love and a super soft  
Emcee xxx


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## gbnut (Aug 4, 2006)

Yamoona

Sorry you are having a hard time at the moment.  Wish i could wave a magic wand and make things better for you.  Do you take an supplements as sometimes that can makes things easier for you.  Cant help with dreams but try to chill before yo go to bed at night. Buy a lottery ticket if you can cos if you are not in it you cant win it.

Hugs to you     

Susan x


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

I wish I had something, anything I could say to make this easier for you, but I don't even know how to get off that horrible rollercoaster myself.

I agreee that we each need to choose our individual cut off point where we won't try any more tx, but money is such a huge issue with fertility treatments, and even when you decide enough is enough, the sadness doesn't go away.

Oh, I'm not being useful at all here, but I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you xx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

I think Megan is right - you need to do the DIUI for closure at the very least. I can't really say anything that will change things - but that I understand the frustration you must be feeling. 
Lots of love,
Bernie xxx


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Thanks ladies. We are only doing the DIUI for closure, I don't have any expectations it is just something I have to do otherwise I will always wonder. Having MF infertility is difficult for me sometimes and obviously for my DH as well but we are happy and have come a long way together. We have our pets and big old house that needs soo much love and attention, it is just my silly body saying inappropriate things to my mind. I need a neuron that fires a message saying 'it's not possible so b***** off'... Any tips on brain surgery.... Think I am losing the plot a little this week. Going to go and walk my dog, drag my large bum to the gym and then go food shopping. I hear ice cream calling me


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## Megan10 (Jul 16, 2004)

Chin up hun,
Have a scoop or two for me!
Love MeganXX


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

There's not much I can add to that of the other ladies Yamoona except I entirely understand were you are coming from and I'm sorry you're feeling so low.

I'll have a scoop of that ice cream too whilst you're about it and good luck with the DIUI.

flipper


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Yamoona... gimmie a lick of that icecream if you have any left   

Just to say I'm thinking of you  

Tons of love
Emcee xxx


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Sorry guys but that tub of ice cream went in one sitting (with the help of DH of course). It was yummy but what followed was not so yummy. I went round a friends later to help with a project we are working which meant going through all her photo albums with years of me missing from the pictures as I don't have children and therefore don't get invited to all the weekends, holidays away cause why would I want to go!!! I always get the old favourite 'oh it's for the children really', cause they don't enjoy these trips!! and I'm the Queen of England. Sorry but in the end I had to say I don't know why you are asking for my opinion on which picture to pick when I wasn't there!!

I have a big reunion do coming up as once upon a time I had a fab social life. I am dreading it. Not only am I now over weight and unattractive but I don't want the old question of do you have any children thrown at me all night. I am seriously considering cancelling it and saving my sanity. I have just got to except that there is nothing normal about my life, not family, not children, nothing. Feel like a freak at the moment. Hoping this will pass soon, can't keep eating ice cream!!

Thanks for all your support, I know I am not normally this negative but I guess it had to hit me again at some point.
xx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Yamoona my lovely

Have been in the same place you are at now, like so many of us here. Wish I could offer you some support but I know how tough it is when you feel like you do. Don't think this time of year helps either as its so family orientated, and can really hit a raw nerve or ten.

I really felt for you reading about you going through your friends pictures with her when you weren't invited along. That sums up perfectly the isolation part of all of this. I have often pondered what did I do to deserve being isolated - as if not being able to have kids was bad enough. I think I have found the being left out bit the hardest part of all, although I hasten to add not all of my friends who have kids are like that!

Have to say, what is a normal life? Having never lived one myself, I think I am quite lucky not to be 'normal'   But it does hurt when we are left wanting the same things that most others have and take for granted... rest assured we love you just as you are Yamoona, you are one terrific lady and although I am so sorry you have had to go through all the $hite I am so glad you are you.

Massive   winging their way to you and sorry for the wittering on. 
Mines baileys icecream at this moment in time.... slobber....

Lots of love
Emcee xxx


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