# New Girl



## LLocket (Jul 28, 2003)

Hello  

Have just had my umpteenth follow up at the ARGC and been told by by favourite and much respected Dr that I need a surrogate.

Don't really know what I want to say at the moment - especially as the lovely Tweets has already given me a wealth of information - but would love to join this group.

Am finding it hard to imagine this all working out as it seems so difficult but am gradually feeling more and more positive and that may be, may be this just might be the answer to all my prayers.


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## nostalgicsam (Jul 1, 2005)

Hello trying,
so sorry for all you've been through, surrogacy can and does work, am happy to chat if u wanna pm me
Sam


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## Amandajb (Sep 6, 2007)

Trying...

So very sorry to read what you have been through.  

As a previous surrogate through the ARGC I can appreciate the efforts your clinic have gone through to help you achieve your dream.  They are really very thorough and explore every avenue. (I'm a bit of fan if you hadn't guessed!)

There are surrogates out there who can help you and I am sure you will meet your perfect match.  As nostalgicsam says, surrogacy can and does work and there are many people here who can help you.

I know its a lot of take in and it may seem complicated and difficult, but it really can be the answer to some peoples' prayers.  I   that this is the case for you.

take care and  

Amanda


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## leo (Mar 7, 2005)

Hi Trying

So sorry to here what you have been through, Surrogacy can and does work, just make sure you do alot of reading and asking questions.

All the best for the future
Lynne x


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## LLocket (Jul 28, 2003)

Thank you for the warm welcome.

My current thoughts are that I would like to find someone independently but not sure how far I'll get with it   

I'm feeling quite calm about it all and although saddened that I will probably never feel a little life inside me again keep reminding myself that its only 9 months and it could lead to me having a family forever 



Hope you have great weekends


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## Diane72 (Oct 29, 2007)

Hello Trying,

After 4 miscarriages (3 at ARGC), I too am now actively exploring surrogacy (which I started thinking about after my third miscarriage). 

On my scan day to confirm that my last pregnancy was over Shariff at ARGC did raise surrogacy and I am very lucky that I have a sister who is willing to be a surrogate. Which doctor discussed it with you?

I do have some 'borderline' immune issues and had both 25mg prednisolone and IVIG in my last round but still miscarried. I do still feel, however, I have a missing piece of the puzzle because I have never been able to karyotype the embie itself to check if the chromomes are OK or not (although DH and I have had the karyotyping and all is normal). 

In my mind I am going to have one final try potentially at CARE Nottingham who do chromosomal array analysis just to confirm it is definitely an immune issue alone rather than chromosomal and immune issue but then if I miscarry again will look to move to the surrogacy route end of year.

I don't have any knowledge yet but thought it might be nice to have a friend to go on this exploration journey with  

Diane x


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi
I am to sorry for what you have been through, it is so sad 

Surrogacy can and does work, we have been very lucky to have our son with us after our SIL gave birth to him nearly 4 weeks ago .

I know I never gave birth to him, but I have to say the experience that I had with her being pg was amazing, we went to everything together,I had the last 6 weeks off work to be with her, felt our baby move so many times, heard his heartbeat and spoke to him so much (I am sure he got fed up with my voice) , was there at the labour and cut his cord 

I have to say it was amazing experience, one I will never forget and will treasure forever 

Good Luck with your journey, I really wish you all the luck in the word 

love Jo
x x x


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## babymithel (Oct 13, 2008)

Hi there, welcome. Your story is very sad. I hope you find someone to help you make a family. Best of Luck!!


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## LLocket (Jul 28, 2003)

Thanks Babymithel so do I !!   Wow Triplets - my first BFP was monochorionic diamniotic identicals and a fraternal.


Jo your "story" is amazing and wonderful     . I am so so pleased that you got your happy ending and can only hope that I can find someone as wonderful as your SIL and that it will work for us. 
Your words were really helpful and I think I am already beginning to come to terms with not being pregnant as the desperation to hold a little bundle in my arms is much stronger


Diane thanks for getting in touch and I am so so sorry about your last m/c I think I noticed that you were pregnant again and was so happy for you  
So I think there are 4 of us "ARGC girls" who have dipped a toe over here - yourself, myself, Tweets and Poppins but I also saw that she may have found the missing piece to her puzzle   (hope I have that right Poppins and that you don't mind me mentioning it).

Anyway it was Sheriff that I saw   - actually I waited for him and made sure I got and appt in the 3 weeks that he was back   He is a god send and really seems to understand the emotional side of what I am going through as well as being one of the best IF Drs.

I totally concur with trying again yourself but I know that I have come to the end of that road. I am 41 in days and if I can get some good embryos I don't want to "waste" them as I think they will be my last. Also although my immunes have only really been boarderline since my first v.v. high result this last pregnancy proved that each pregnancy seems to be making things worse and now my anti progesterone "somethings" are really worrying. In fact Sheriff believes that it was these that caused my heamatoma which pulled my last baby away and could have been with Annabelle as I lost a lot of blood during labour and hemorrhaged 10 days later because of placenta problems.
Flu like feelings without a cold are also becoming a regular fixture every few months about 5-7 days before my AF and although the ARGC have always dismissed these symptoms Sheriff and another Dr have now agreed that for me this could be my body launching an attack.

The chormosonal array is a good idea. My first m/c ended up as an ERPC on Christmas Eve and although they agreed to test after lots and lots of begging the results came back as "unable to grow cells" but I always believe that someone dropped the ball as it was Christmas. We had a autopsy with Annabelle and everything came back clear. I took the last baby to the EPU as I needed an ERPC to remove its twin but they refused to test it and I was in no fit state to fight but Sheriff and I both believe in our hearts that there was nothing wrong.

Sorry gone on a bit   but all of this adds up to why I know that surrogacy is the right thing for me and as Amanda mentions you know that being an ARGC girls means you really have explored every avenue - Sheriff actually said we have already tried every "trick" we know.




Look forward to "chatting" more but must get on with some work


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## CarolynB (May 17, 2008)

Dear Trying

I cannot relate to all of your long and hard journey but can relate to many aspects of it.

I did 4 cycles at ARGC - 3 working with IM in Spain also and donor eggs.  I have had their full monte.  IVIG/steroids/gestone/plus donor eggs from Spain.  My dh has had direct removal of sperm X 3.  We have done PGD.  We had stopped as there was no more we/ARGC could do when my sister stepped forward to make an amazing offer.

ARGC tried everything for me/us and I love them and I love Dr Sharriff.  (He scanned my sister at 6 weeks with our little boy and made it an incredible moment for us all).  They helped us with my sister when Hammersmith said it would make no difference to the outcome whether the frosties went back to me or her and refused to believe the flu-like symptoms.

I had flu like symptoms 4-5 days after transfer on 3 of our 7 cycles - the very 1st try with my own eggs, 4th try with ARGC and the 5th try with three truly excellent donor eggs.  I know what my body did even when other drs told me I had a cold.    I know that it would never happen in my own body.  So how cool to give life to embies through someone else when you cannot do it yourself.

If you want to chat some more then please PM me as I am not the best chatter but I am around in the background.

But I did want to reveal that there is another ARGC/Shariff girl around who is very close to the fairytale ending.  Crossing everything that it can happen for you also.  And what is all this about 4-1.  I am almost 4-3 and the frosties put back to my dear sister were age 3-9 so it can happen.  

I did find it hard at the start that the baby was with my sister rather than me.  But we have quickly focused on the fact that without her there would be no baby at all.  It would just have been me and dh.  We are totally focused now on making things as pleasant for my sister as we can and bringing our little boy home in 57 days time.

Let me know if I can help at all.  
Carolyn xx


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## Diane72 (Oct 29, 2007)

Hello All,

Its so encouraging to hear these positive stories (Carolyn, Jo your stories are so inspiring).

Its also comforting to know that others have been through this same journey with being treated for everything and yes those 'flu-like' symptoms that I have been swearing to my DH are not just a cold but a signal of something else-good to know I'm not going  . I had an ERPC the first time to try get the embie karyotyped but like a few of you they couldn't get enough cells/cells unable to grow. This time I collected what I could when I started bleeding (the sac etc. that has shown on the scan the day before but had disappeared the day following the bleeding) so   I get something back but realistically probably won't.

Trying, sending you lots and lots of     and   that you can follow the footsteps of those other inspiring surrogacy stories, it sounds like the right path for you. I need to arrange a follow up at some point with ARGC- did you specifically ask when Shariff would be back in the country when you were arranging yours? What do you think about Gafar? (opinions welcomed from you other ARGCers).

Tweetiepie, what stage in the surrogacy journey are you at now? Sending you   too

lgft, thanks for the advice

Hugs to all  

Diane x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I liked Shariff, he also had a bit of humour, I nick named Dr Gafur 'Mr pessimistic' but in fact he was just a realist about my dodgy lining.  Where is Shariff working now? I know he pops back for a few weeks here and there.  I went to ARGC for a scan in Oct and there were 2 new male Drs that I didn;t warm too.

L x


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## Diane72 (Oct 29, 2007)

Hello All,

JJ1, yes there are quite a few 'new doctors' at ARGC. I don't know where Shariff is now, he just seems to randomly turn up every now and again for a week or so and then disappear again. I set up my follow up appointment with Dr. Gafur in the meantime.

Tweets, Trying, how are you getting on?

I had an NHS appointment yesterday and the consultant basically told me he didn't think it was worth me trying again and that I should just move onto surrogacy now while I still had good enough eggs. He was absolutely clear and there were no shades of grey. As I said previously I had wanted to try one final time but my DH now is saying I'm wasting time and we need to stop 'clutching at straws'; and 'where does it end'. This whole thing really makes you question your grip on reality and logic versus emotion.

Did the rest of you go through this? At what point did you 'know' when was the right time to move to surrogacy? Did any of you experience where your DH felt it was time to change tact and you didn't or vice versa and how did you find the solution?

Any advice is appreciated as I feel I'm going  

Diane


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## Alph (Oct 9, 2008)

Diane,

I know how hard this can be.  I'm so sorry that you are going through this.  I'm trying to make the same decision.  I've been told by the NHS that there is no hope for me but I just can't imagine stopping this ttc rollercoaster.  

I had said to myself before my last pregnancy (I've lost 9 now) that it would be my last try and I would move on to surrogacy, but now... I'm also really worried about DH.  He's so down.  I don't think he could cope if we lost another, and the chances are much higher if someone else was to carry a baby for us, but I'm still thinking what if I give this a try, what about Chinese herbs...

I wish you all the best with your decision.  

Katie.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Diane

So sorry to hear that another consultant told you that as well.  

I have been told that by all (Shariff, Mr T, Dr Scher) but one Dr - Mr Trew who suggested trying DE as they are more robust in a dodgy environment (or bedrock as my poor lining was called) so I am trying that and hoping to prove Mr T and co wrong! before I actovely move onto surrogacy or try to, as I see it , there is such a hard mountain to climb with surrogacy, legally being single and logistically finding a surrogate for starters.L x


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## Diane72 (Oct 29, 2007)

Hello JJ1, Alph,

Thanks for the advice, it is appreciated  

I've decided that I should at least go and see CARE and see what they think before making any further decisions. 

Thanks for being there!

Diane x


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## LLocket (Jul 28, 2003)

Thank you so much for taking the time to post Carolyn your words and story have given me so much hope - I hope you are able to get a little bit excited now that you are so near  

Amazing how many of us have random flu like symptoms. I know ARGC like to play this down (and I think they are right to do so) but for some of us I think it is difficult to ignore.


Well have been a bit absent as trying to get my head around a few things ......

Basically my wonderful wonderful SIL has offered to be my surrogate        Don't know how to behave or be grateful enough - I am always the one in the family that helps everyone else and it is strange being on the receiving end.
Have had a couple of friends dip their toe as well but SIL is by far my favourite "choice".
Even with this amazing news have been feeling really removed from IF and exhausted by the last 9 years but can see little ****** of light ....

So, if we do decide to go again and get some decent embies, surrogacy with my SIL is the way forward. She is sooooooo excited (which is lovely) and has already had her smear and booked bloods for HIV etc !!!! She is 42 and she didn't have any problem carrying my Niece and Newphew who are 14 and 11 so no real worries about having little ones to care for. I have explained that there are many hurdles to jump and the chances of it working are quite slim but she is adamant  



Lets hope I can follow in Jos footsteps  
Lxx


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

This is wonderful, what an amazing SIL you have 

I know I am not on here as much as I was but I do read (then get called away )   but if you need any help just shout and I am sure one of us will be able to answer your queries 

I really hope this goes to plan for you.

Send my love to your SIL please, and of course to you 

Love Jo
x x x


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## Blu (Jul 28, 2005)

Trying - that is so lovely - I've got all teary reading your post - what an amazing SIL you have. I know this is just the beginning of a long process but I hope this brings all your dreams.

Blu


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## Diane72 (Oct 29, 2007)

Wonderful news!!!!!!!! I'm so pleased for you!

Diane


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## CarolynB (May 17, 2008)

Trying

That is amazing news.  Hats off to your super duper SIL.  You can now follow in Jo's footsteps!

Take your time to get used to the idea.  All I can say is that for the first week or so after my sister offered then my head felt like it was in a washing machine.  I could barely function.    I am used to doing things to help others but may be this is your/our turn.  My dear sister has been very matter of fact about it all.  Which makes it even more amazing.  Like this is something I can do.  You cannot.  So let's go for it together    

Then when I saw her (all done via phone at first) then I was not sure whether to bend down and kiss her feet or just be 'normal' together.  Then when I was with her children then I was worried that if I did something wrong then she'd stop helping us.  Mental I know.  

I just say that all your feelings/emotions are 'normal' at this stage of the journey.  We spent time doing research.  I found some good books so if you'd like to know then just PM me and I can let you know the couple that I found useful.  We also had counselling as pairs and with all 4 of us.  Our Mum has also played a role when decisions needed to make or we needed to work things through.

Anyway.  It is amazing news.  It will be the start of the next stage of your journey and it can be wonderful.  I defintely think that it has brought my sister and I closer together and I am closer to all of her family now than we were before.

Let me know if I can help you at all.  ARGC were great with me and my sister.

All the luck in the world.
Carolyn xx


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## LLocket (Jul 28, 2003)

Then when I saw her I was not sure whether to bend down and kiss her feet or just be 'normal' together. Then when I was with her children then I was worried that if I did something wrong then she'd stop helping us.

Thank you so much Carolyn I couldn't have put it better myself. SIL is also very matter of fact about it all and can't wait to start.

DH is still very nervous and we are all going to try and meet up in the next week or so for a chat so will take you up on the offer of books and research when all the questions start.

Me, I just hope I can produce some eggs.

I am very glad to see you got your birthing plan sorted. I must say I was a little surprised at how you were treated at first - insensitiveness apart - surely just plan old common sense should come into play.


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## sweetpea74 (Jun 27, 2009)

Hello - I just thought I'd jump in here too and say that my dear cousin has very kindly offered to be a surrogate for me and i totally agree it is such a mind blowing experience to go through. We're at the very early stages though (ie havent even started tx yet) and I'm trying to be realistic about the chances of success and luckily my cousin is very down-to-earth and knows all the logistics etc so we're just getting ready to jump on the rollercoaster. I'm  like you Trying, that i can produce some good eggs so we'll just have to wait and see! Oh and carolyn good luck with the birth - what an amazing story, we are indeed very lucky women to have the support and love of friends and family who offer to do these things for us!


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