# Is he I'll or not? Advice needed and very welcomed!



## snuffles (Jan 27, 2007)

We adopted a sibling group over a year ago.  We are always dealing with a large variety of behaviours, however we are currently struggling with one particular behaviour from our eldest child and are not sure how to proceed.  He woke up in the night about a week ago saying that his ear hurt.  He doesn't normally wake in the night and has had ear infections in the past so I gave him some Calpol and told him we would see the doctor in the morning.  He slept the rest of the night and in the morning I took him to the doctor.  Upon seeing the doctor, she said that he did have wax in his ears however the ear drums looked clear.  She said it was possible to have a viral infection in the ear that she could not see and to therefore continue to give him Calpol if needed.  He was absolutely fine, so I sent him to school, asking them to call me if he was at all upset/in pain etc.  he had a brilliant day at school, however once he got in the car, he again said his ear hurt.  I gave him Calpol and we went home.  Once home he started screaming at me for more medicine.  I therefore decided to call the doc again' who suggested I bring him in again.  Again, they looked in his ear and could see nothing, however decided to give him antibiotics just in case.  Every day (except for the weekend), he says his ear hurts.  He only says it once of twice and can be quit angry and then continues with his day.  He's sleeping through the night and does not appéar to be in any pain.  Today is his last day of medication and he's still saying his ear hurts.  We have spoken through with him lots about that it may not be his ear hurting but may b that he is upset o is finding things tough at school however he completely dismisses this an just says his ear hurts.  We hav also reassured him that we will still lov him and no be angry if he is saying someone that is no quite right, but he is adamant that his ears hurts.  My guts feeling is that his ear does not hurt at all, bu does anyon have any suggestions on no we can support him further?  I apologise in advance for th very long post!!


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi snuffles,

Others may have direct experience with their Los but your post resonated with my own childhood.

I always (and still do) have upset stomach feelings like bad butterflies when I'm ill and my glands are swollen (I'm know scheduled to get my tonsils out) and it can make my ears sore but it's from my tonsils. Sore but not painful.

However when I was ages 6-9/10 I always complained of sore stomach so much that I got seen by a specialist as GP couldn't find anything wrong. This was actually because I was blued quite badly at school and couldn't speak up about it. Effectively my stomach pains were due to tension/worry. The pain was real but the cause wasn't physical.

Currently my LO who's much younger will ask for his dummy (after 6mths plus of not needing it unless sleeping) at the slightest bump/wobble etc. full hysterics like his leg is broken. He's going through change and upset do the way I see it is he feels it badly even if it's not really very sore. He's got a history to suggest he will struggle with regulation/pain for a while yet (or always).

For now I would play along to a point, give him the sympathy/snuggles he needs and see if it magically disappears (vitamin syrup is a good "medicine" if you're not needing the calpol). If it continues I would look further and don't discount PAS for psychologist input if this is a possibility too.

Ps my tummy "probs" resolved once I changed schools.
X


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Oh I didn't want you to worry he's being bullied. It might just be that whilst he's at school he seems to enjoy it but maybe it's stressing him or something there is and once you find out that it will make things better.

Hope thus helps x


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

I'd go with Gertie, the pain is real no matter what is causing it, physical or psychological. Lots of sympathy, a little calpol won't do any harm and maybe he'll open up and tell you what's wrong or it will just go away  
My Ds had ear ache at the same point on the walk to school for most of last term... Even he commented that it was funny that his ear only started to hurt when we got near school  

Referred pain I ears can also come from teeth so might be worth checking this out!

Hope it resolves soon x


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

I agree. I've also had a few episodes in my life where i've had physical symptoms but the cause was psychological. When I did my finals at uni I had a problem with my ears which disappeared the moment I sat down for the final exam. The cause might be psychological but it will probably feel real.


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Bless him, I wouldn't dismiss it, he's telling you something hurts (whether it is hurting or you believe him is another story)
so if it was my ds, I would ask him if 'mummy cuddles' will make it better, have hugs and kisses on the sofa, find something comforting like a blanket, ear muffs or similar to go over his ears and confort him.  If it is whilst walking to school I would tell him to be brave and we'll do cuddles later.  I often do this with mine for tummy, knee, finger or any type of pain.  I don't know if they're telling a porky or not but tbh, its just nice to have cuddles.  5 minutes of hugs and they're all better


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

I just went to a seminar on medically unexplained symptoms in children, and one thing they all agreed on is that whatever the cause, the pain is real - as in, they are really experiencing it, whether there's a physical cause or not.  So I think you need to tell him that you believe him, that you know it hurts and you're sorry he's hurting and what should you all do to make it better.  

There might also be a physical cause of throat, teeth etc - perhaps he needs an Ear. Nose and Throat/paediatrician referral to rule things out?

(((((hugs)))))


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