# Buying nursery furniture in Stage 2



## Bluebell261 (Jan 31, 2010)

Hi all,

By the end of next week we will be 4/8 meetings into Stage 2.

We've seen a furniture set we'd really like at a really fab price, but is it too early in the process to buy it?

Our DBS's came back fine, likewise references, DH has 2 adult children and ex wife SW needs to speak to, but he has a good relationship with 2 children so even if ex was bitter I would hope SW would take with a pinch of salt.

We feel ours should be a 'textbook' case and cannot see any reason we wouldn't be approved, but are we going to jinx ourselves by buying this furniture so early into the process?

Has anyone else bought things at this stage? 

Thanks all 😄


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

We bought a cot bed a couple of weeks before we were approved but it was mainly on the basis we had a tentative link for foster to adopt that originally they were going to place as soon as we were approved. Because of that we really needed to be ready at very short notice.
In the end it's what you feel comfortable with, there are so many adopters waiting in excess of a year now for that age child would you feel comfortable with it being there for so long. Also it's highly likely there would be other deals around when you need it.
Personally we bought because of the link, in the end lo wasn't placed with us until December so we'd had it 4 months by then. The plus side was we were ready as we had the phone call to say all was going ahead and we started intros the following day, the downside was it didn't feel "special" buying it when we didn't really know if and when it would be needed. Would rather have done all the shopping bit knowing it was for baby blue arriving at x time or whatever.


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

We had a whole nursery decorated before approval...Naughty I know but the day of approval we got linked to our son and they wanted to visit the next week. I think it helped when they visited we had a room ready so they could see lo in our house x


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## DRocks (Sep 13, 2013)

Don't do it!
15 months later the room is still empty, it's hard! Really hard!


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Awwww Disney I hope it's filled with laughter soon x


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

We didn't and now in a panic... But I personally wouldn't have done it any other way!
Plus we weren't set on an age... We wanted one or two under four... As about the child.

You have to do what's right for you.  Could you buy it and store with your parents maybe? Xx


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## Nicola30 (Jun 13, 2011)

We didn't buy anything until we had been approved, which I'm glad of as we waited 9 months to find our princess and I don't think I could have coped with looking at her room every day - plus we then made it personalise to her once we knew who she was and when she was coming, but I guess it's each to their own.

If you do buy it, check its ok before/if you store it somewhere - we paid £3k for her furniture and a door was missing off the wardrobe - we didn't realised for 9 months, cue lots of frustrating phone calls and stress...


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## moobags (Nov 13, 2013)

Personally as tempted as I was I wouldn't do it, as soon as we were approved I cleared the bedroom of all junk so that it was empty ready for LO after 6 months of searching I starting putting things back in there as I couldn't face looking at an empty room. Ten months after approval we now have a link but it's for two little blues so we now need double the amount of stuff plus they are a little older than we originally planned.  

If you really want to buy the furniture try and see if there is someone who could store it for you so you are not faced with it daily.

Getting to approval panel is hard but be prepared for what could be a long wait for a match its not for faint hearted.

Sorry to sound so negative but matching is a real roller coaster of emotion there are the lucky ones who get a link and match pretty much straight away so you never know just make sure that you listen to your head as well as your heart what maybe kind to your purse may be hard on your heart if that makes sense.

Moo x


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## Bluebell261 (Jan 31, 2010)

Thanks for all your replies, and Disneyrocks sending you big hugs. 

We've decided to,wait, so thanks for all,your advice. 

I have to say I'm really actually enjoying stage 2, none of it has been negative so far, our SW has been very complimentary about our strengths and has given us some really lovely, positive feedback. Fingers crossed this means we will breeze through 😀


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

I think as many have said Bluebell it's not the approval bit that's the issue, it's the waiting to be matched after approval. Our sw was out last week and said they now have over 20 adopters waiting and no children which has never happened in their authority before and of course they're just adding to that each month with new adopters being approved. It's a very unusual situation nationwide currently.


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## Bluebell261 (Jan 31, 2010)

becs40 said:


> I think as many have said Bluebell it's not the approval bit that's the issue, it's the waiting to be matched after approval. Our sw was out last week and said they now have over 20 adopters waiting and no children which has never happened in their authority before and of course they're just adding to that each month with new adopters being approved. It's a very unusual situation nationwide currently.


It's really odd because our SW is telling us that there are lots of children and she will be considering children who havent yet got an adoption order but may by the time we're approved. Not sure if this is what she thinks we want to hear or the truth?! I just keep thinking this is WAY more positive than IVF and now we're in stage 2 it seems to be going quite quickly &#128516;


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

If you have a look at this thread here it shows how many people are waiting currently. I know several other friends who have been waiting in excess of a year now, one is now at 16 months and still no links. You only have to look at all the forums adoption UK, mums net and the ones here to see this is a national issue currently. What's happening is there's been a couple of major cases that have made the courts reconsider options. The current situation is that children are more often than not being placed with extended family members rather than placement orders being issued.
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=331573.0
The website link below shows exactly what I'm referring to. Sadly I think your sw is being very irresponsible and telling you what you want to hear rather than the reality.
http://www.simpsonmillar.co.uk/news/news.aspx?newsid=3146

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Congrats on getting so far - I'm sure approval will go smoothly for you!  

Personally I wanted to shop for *our* child not just an imaginary maybe child, because it felt more special buying for a person rather than an abstract.  It did makes things a bit tight time wise, but I think it was worth it.


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## Bluebell261 (Jan 31, 2010)

AoC said:


> Congrats on getting so far - I'm sure approval will go smoothly for you!
> 
> Personally I wanted to shop for *our* child not just an imaginary maybe child, because it felt more special buying for a person rather than an abstract. It did makes things a bit tight time wise, but I think it was worth it.


Thanks Aoc!! You're right, we are going to wait so we can personalise the room a little more (although in my head I've already planned it all!). I think it comes after years of TTC and just wanting things to happen.

Thanks for your well wishes &#128516;


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## Bluebell261 (Jan 31, 2010)

becs40 said:


> If you have a look at this thread here it shows how many people are waiting currently. I know several other friends who have been waiting in excess of a year now, one is now at 16 months and still no links. You only have to look at all the forums adoption UK, mums net and the ones here to see this is a national issue currently. What's happening is there's been a couple of major cases that have made the courts reconsider options. The current situation is that children are more often than not being placed with extended family members rather than placement orders being issued.
> http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=331573.0
> The website link below shows exactly what I'm referring to. Sadly I think your sw is being very irresponsible and telling you what you want to hear rather than the reality.
> http://www.simpsonmillar.co.uk/news/news.aspx?newsid=3146
> ...


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Sorry Bluebell didn't want to "rain on your parade" as such. I have no doubts approval will be straight forward for you and don't want to be negative. I just think it's unfair of your sw to be gearing you up for some initial disappointment after everything you've been through. Ours was exactly the same, telling us what she thought we wanted to hear (although what we actually wanted to hear was the truth!). It led to a very stressful few months that I personally found a lot harder than Ivf. I'm sure you will get there and I'm not saying that, I'm just trying to say try and prepare yourself for a bit of a wait. If you're prepared for the worst and a match is found quickly it's all the sweeter.
Good luck.


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## Bluebell261 (Jan 31, 2010)

becs40 said:


> Sorry Bluebell didn't want to "rain on your parade" as such. I have no doubts approval will be straight forward for you and don't want to be negative. I just think it's unfair of your sw to be gearing you up for some initial disappointment after everything you've been through. Ours was exactly the same, telling us what she thought we wanted to hear (although what we actually wanted to hear was the truth!). It led to a very stressful few months that I personally found a lot harder than Ivf. I'm sure you will get there and I'm not saying that, I'm just trying to say try and prepare yourself for a bit of a wait. If you're prepared for the worst and a match is found quickly it's all the sweeter.
> Good luck.


y

Thanks Becs! We are already 'ahead' of the timescales I had in my mind as I thought if we were approved by Christmas/January I would be pleased, and we're due to go to panel early Oct. I can't imagine how hard it must be waiting by the phone for 'the call' and almost like your life is on hold but I'm hoping if we're in that position we will be able to stay sane by thinking we've already waited 9 years it can't be any worse than that.. Although in reality I will probably be pulling my hair out the same as anyone else would/is! We will see in the fullnes of time I guess. Enjoy your day!


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Yes our approval was very quick, they're quite fast now on the new 2 stage process. We applied March last year and were approved on 4th September, so bang in the target 6 months.


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