# I hate birthdays!!!



## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

I turn 38 today and find myself very depressed! I had a nice weekend and went out with two girls on friday night for food and drinks. Went to mums for dinner yesterday where had nice glass of wine and birthday cake (as my mum didnt want me to feel left out as we are arranging a big 30th party for my sister next weekend).

Dh and I were intimate last night as hadnt been for a few weeks as I had had that bad chest infection and then af on top of that!!! I started to cry after and couldnt stop- of course that made him feel really crap!!! 

I just feel as if I havent achieved much after 38 years. I know I have a nice home and good job(which i like sometimes) and of course dh,but I feel very low. I think I am also worried about my other sister coming up next week as I havent seen her since Aug and she told me they were ttc.

I went through this phase in May and then got out of it again. I feel guilty as people have been giving me lovely presents but i know i will never have the present I always wanted! 

Any advice??


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## kate28 (Jan 22, 2008)

didn't want to read and run
hope your feeling a bit better this evening

    

best wishes 

Kate


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## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Happy birthday to you!!   so sorry it is making you so down   i really hope you are feeling a little brighter and got some lovely gifts....i know what you mean about not getting 'the gift'   

I don't have any advice but it may help to contact your sister who is trying for a baby to check if there will be any 'announcements' when she arrives...as my grandma used to say "fore warned is fore armed"!!! Don't be too hard on yourself....i'm sure you have done loads of wonderful things in your life....and i bet if you ask DH he will remind you of a few of them  

Sending you lots of birthday love, hugs and smiles     

Florie x


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Dear Irisheyes,

Please don't feel guiilty about any of the love and good wishes that come your way. We don't have to achieve motherhood to qualify for love and good wishes! 

I know it is really hard to accept childlessness. For years on end if asked what I wanted for Xmas/birthdays/.... all I wanted to say was "a baby."  I hated birthdays as they just took me further and further toward the end of my egg producing years, and I hated Christmas as everyone focuses on the generations getting together and the families kept expanding while I remained the childless woman

You asked for advice, sorry I don't have any magic words. Just the "same old same old" about going easy on yourself! I hope you do feel better now the birthday is past. One year you will surprise yourself by finding you have started to value yourself again and so feel good about celebrating your birthday.

LoL Jq xxx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Thanks girls. My sister will be here at the weekend for my other sisters 30th. My mum said in a text that she would help me put up decorations and said " she said she has to see you anyway about something"!!!! My mind is in turmoil - I don't think my sis would have told my mum such news over the phone so it probably isnt this!!!

But i am too cowardly to phone her. 

On top of this I bumped into a member of my dept in a well know pharmacy last night and I am positive she had a pregnancy test in her hand. She did keep it down at her side but I have bought enough over the years to know from a mile away wot they look like!!! If she is pg I will be ****** off as 3 years ago when we were going thru iui she took time off and kept extending it. I had to cover a horrible class for her which was more stress on top of tx- no wonder it didnt work!! She waltzed back after a year off!!! And then went part-time. She got married in June (age 40,now 41!!!) and was off for 3 more months before her wedding . I would be so upset to know that I wasted my chances worrying about her coming back to work when she obviously couldnt care less.

I am really considering counselling this time round - I will ley you know if o book a session.


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