# Feel very alone and helpless at the moment



## Peace50 (Sep 5, 2011)

This is my first post and first time ever on a forum so I hope I do it right. I'm 27 and have been trying for a baby for 18 month since I was told I had pcos. My periods are so irregular between 20-60 days! I was referred to a fertility clinic in April since then I've struggled to get all the tests done as my cycle is so random which adds to the stress. Went for a hsg, salp thingy.. And they couldnt put the catheter in, the doctor just said ah well looks like you have a blockage and may need a laparoscopy. I then went to get changed and burst into tears. Following this horrible experience I met with the consultant who dropped the bomb shell that my husband has a low sperm count, 6 million. So I'm guessing we are really up against it, although the consultant was terrible and didn't explain things well...once again in the car I started sobbing. I'm now booked for a laparoscopy but just feel like it will only lead to more bad news... I'm confused, scared and sick of not knowing. I just wish I knew one way or the other what our chances and real options are. Really never expected me and my husband to be in this situation, how naive was I to think that it would be easy. Any help or support would be really great because I do feel so alone with this, my husband is great but he's so optimist all the time sometimes it makes things worse.


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Hi Peace,
Don't worry, I think you're in the right place    I too am new on here & you are only my 2nd post but I used to belong to another group that ended when MSN closed everything down    but during my 2 MCs and tests I got a lot of support & friendship, and I think that is exactly what you will get here. Plus, of course some great advice  
Take care


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## Journey99 (Jul 23, 2011)

You are definitely not alone! Everyone is on this site due to fertility issues!!

I totally understand feeling alone and left in the dark. I got most of my test results over the phone from my GP in the beginning. I would hang up and have to google what they meant. Then I was a wreck for months until I saw a infertility specialist. One word of advice, make a list of questions!! Have this list when you go for appointments. I made that mistake and have learned my lesson. Have already got a long list for my next appointment. 

As for DH I would suggest getting him on supplements. Selenium and zinc are very important. We've just changed to Wellman conception. They are specially formulated to help the soldiers so we are hoping they
help!  Also no smoking, alcohol or caffiene. My DH finds it hard cutting down on caffiene but when I "lovingly" explained anything he could do to help would be greatly appreciated since I've been thru the ringer already. I figured him cutting out coffee was nothing compared to my open myo. He's really trying which makes me happy. 

So welcome aboard and please feel free to ask away or just use us as a ear to listen x


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## Peace50 (Sep 5, 2011)

Thanks Im really glad I found this site. I'm normally the 'bottle it up' kinda girl, but I've realised that's not helping. thanks also for the advice about writing a list, I did have questions in my head but as soon as she said my dp sperm count was extremely low I went blank and spent the rest of the time battling my tears back. Also I'm going to explain nicely that he needs to stop smoking, but the supplement suggestion is great too.

Thanks again, I'm already feeling a little better


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## Journey99 (Jul 23, 2011)

That was my problem too, as soon as I was told I had to have surgery my brain and mouth stopped working. By having the list if you get upset your DH can take over and read your questions!

Yes he needs to stop smoking! I've read a few great success stories in the male factors section about men quitting smoking. Mine quit 3 years ago(it was a disgusting habit!). Maybe google a few websites/articles about the effects of smoking and sperm and ask him to read it. Hopefully he will want a baby enough to make the cut!  Also it takes 3 months for new sperm to generate. Therefore it will be at least 3 months before any positive effects will be found. 

It's easy to chat on here as I don't feel vulnerable. Very few pp know we have been TTC. In fact until this year only 3 people knew. I don't know why I wanted to keep it secret. I suppose it's bc it was our private journey and in the beginning I was just hoping to be able to surprise everyone. Now it's getting harder to hide. A lot of people know about my surgery and why I had to have it done. I've explained it's so we can conceive in the future not telling the we've been trying for 2 years.

Feel free to PM me anytime x


PS Tesco has 3 for 2 on all vitamins so we just bought 3 month supply of wellmans conception. At £10 a month it all adds up!


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## Peace50 (Sep 5, 2011)

Journey99, you seem so similar to me. I haven't told anyone apart from one close friend, I'm not sure why I kept it to myself but now it's too hard to tell anyone and also I no if I talk about it to my family it will make the whole thing more real and more painful. However it can be lonely at time, my dp really wants a baby but he really doesnt get what im going through, maybe cos its early days. Thanks for the tip on the supplements will get him to try them and now all I need is a magic cure for pcos!  Thanks again for the support, wish I found this site months ago x


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## Journey99 (Jul 23, 2011)

I think by keeping it to ourselves we don't have to constantly have people asking us how TTC is going and reminding us it's going no where(well that's how it feels at times). 
When I found out I had to have surgery I started tell friends and co workers about the surgery. Every other day I would get asked "do you have a surgery date?" it was really annoying lol I appreciate they took an interest but it just reminded me I still didn't have a date. Of course none of them know I had the surgery due to infertility issues. I've said it's to ease my periods and assist in future conception. 
I'm not sure I could function if I had someone asking me every other week "pregnant yet?!" 

I've had many a tearful "discussions" (he says we don't argue lol) explaining he doesn't understand what I'm going thru. When I was scared about surgery his logical approach was I needed it to have a baby. Sometimes you don't want logical. He doesn't have the fear of never carrying a life in your womb. Men just don't have that understanding and I have to keep reminding myself that. TBH I don't think men will ever understand us women...sometimes I'm not sure I understand myself lol

I know it's easier said than done but you need to find a way to relax and reduce your stress. I really believe stress causes a lot physical and psychological problems. I've taken yoga back up (pre surgery). I find it relaxes me. When I feel stressed I breath...just concentrating on each breath calms me down. I also started Reflexology. She specialises in fertility and is wonderful. If nothing else my feet love me for it and I always walk out feeling 10lbs lighter in thought! 

There is a whole thread on PCOS on here. My friend has it. Can I ask if you are overweight? I know PCOS causes weigh gain and weight gain makes it worse. From what I've read it can be somewhat improved by getting to a healthy weight. x


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## Jelly Baby (Jun 16, 2010)

Hi, sorry for quick post but just wanted to post something about my experience before I go to bed! I had a failed hsg as they couldn't get catheter through my cervix. I was devastated as next step was a lap and dye and I didn't want that and it was just another delay. Anyway, consultant said he'd do ovarian drilling whilst I was in theatre as it made sense so that's what he did. I presumed the drilling hadn't worked (to help my ovulate naturally) as my cycles were still all over and I didn't respond at all to my next set of fertility drugs. However, I had the operation end Dec 2010 and end May 2011 found out I was pregnant, naturally - 3 days before ivf consultation  So perhaps speak to your consultant about possibility of drilling whilst your under general and having the op anyway? Good luck xx PS sperm count might be low - but it really does only take that 1 and vitamins and supplements and changing lifestyle (healthy eating, cutting out / down alcohol, stopping smoking etc) can really help sperm count xx


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## Peace50 (Sep 5, 2011)

Hi journey 99, my pcos is not really text book standard... I'm 5'3 and 8 and half stone with an ideal bmi, I regularly excercise and have a healthy diet. I don't have excessive hair the only really symptom is the long cycles and painful periods. I don't even know if I ovulate, I guess a lot is caused by stress as it has gotten worse in the last 18 months. Every month, the longer my cycle was the more I convinced myself I was pregnant, only to get the devasting one line on the test.... Ive now stopped this stupid and crazy peeing on tests cycle as it wasn't healthy.

I think yoga would be a good option as I used to do it and love it. At the moment I feel stressed and tense all the time. I guess I'm a control freak and not being able to control my body is driving me crazy.

Can I ask what treatment you've received? As I feel I've just harped on about my issues all night.
Thanks again


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## Journey99 (Jul 23, 2011)

Harp away!!

Have you ever tried OPK's (ovulation prediction sticks)? It will at least let you know if you ovulate. You can buy the cheap store brand ones and start peeing on them the day your period ends. It will at least tell you if you are ovulating and may ease your mind there. I understand with PCOS your periods are far and few between. Have you not had the day 21 progesterone test?

I'm glad your weight is good as so many people really struggle with their weight with PCOS. I know it's hard not to stress but there are plenty of things they can do to help conception with PCOS.

As far as treatment, so far I've had an open myomectomy (like a csection) to remove 4 fibroids (benign tumours in my uterus). I had surgery 10 days ago. It was hard but I'm glad it's over. I'm still sore and don't have a lot of energy. It's a 6-8 week recovery time. Next month I have to have an HSG done and I'm hoping and praying it comes back with the all clear. I feel I've been thru the mill enough already.

I'm really missing yoga at the moment. I'm not allowed to exercise for the 6-8 weeks. I started Reflexology this year and love it. It's my treat. Even if it does nothing for my fertility it makes me feel better. I've put on nearly 3 stone since starting our conception journey. So my focus once I'm healed is losing that 3 stone. Half a stone of that is swelling from surgery so that should come off easily. I'm not technically obese(although my wii said I was 1point away from it...stupid wii). I was only half a stone from my goal weight. I know some of that was fibroids. My belly had swollen to about a 20 week pregnancy. It will be interesting to see how much it goes down in the next 6-8 weeks. In 2-3 weeks I should be able to do 30-60 minutes of continous walking each day so will start to venture out for daily walks. I've been signed off work for 8 weeks but am doing a bit from home as we can't afford the £81.90 per week on SSP!

In the meantime I will use these work-stress free weeks to relax myself and get my mind in a better place. I really do think positivity helps. I much like you am a bit of a control freak and I suppose that's what I find so frustrating about this journey...I can't control my body. But I can control my knowledge and my mind.

Downside of being home is multiple naps during the day mean I'm up too late


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## pinkcat (Dec 3, 2008)

Welcome to FF, peace50 ! This is a great website for support, information, laughter and friendship. It helped me a great deal throughout my treatment. Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help.

Here are some links I think you may find helpful

Fertility Information Guides 
click here

PCOS
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=13.0

Male factors
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=35.0

Fertility Investigations
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=532.0

You may want to start a diary of your fertility journey 
click here

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi". 
click here

The What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) thread will give you some info on how to navigate the site 
click here

If you look on the main forum index you will find location boards. You can find others in your area, and even people going to the same clinic who will provide invaluable advice - some groups even have meet ups.

We have a live chat room where you can meet other members, take part in themed chat events and gain a wealth of information from people who are or have been dealing with infertilty. New member chat is at 8pm on Wednesday, where we can introduce you to other members, show you around the chat room and help with any queries you may have both in the chat room and on the boards. Please take a look at the calendar and of course our Chat Zone: click here

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support and information.

Best of luck!



Pinkcat


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## vic1984 (Jul 28, 2011)

hi peace
i'm new to the site also and this is my first post. i totally get how your feeling. i have been diagnosed with pcos for approx 6 years and my partner also has a low sperm count and to add to all this i also have slighty damaged left tube.its hard to keep strong and to keep going and if you had asked me a year ago if i was actually getting somewhere it would be a big fat no.. over the years i have had clomid for about year and half but had to stop this due to medically your only meant to take for a year. i have also had laparoscopy,ovarian drilling and hcg injection with timed intercourse all of which never worked. we then hit more problems along the way with being refused ivf treatment due to moving out of the london area and felt like was back at square one with having to find a new doctor.that was about 2 yrs ago and we our eventually somewhere with the dates set for our first attempt of ivf with icis.i hope this helps to let you know your not alone and there are plenty of people to help you through xx


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## Peace50 (Sep 5, 2011)

Gosh your journey seems a long and difficult one, I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. For me that's the hardest thing, everything takes forever, they have suggested clomid but I feel it won't work for me but if I have to do it to get to the next stage I obviously will. I sometimes wish I could afford to go private but we shouldn't have to. I feel terrible that I am finding things hard already at this early stage when lots of people like yourself have had such a long struggle. I really hope your ivf goes well and it can be the end if your fertility story X


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## Lorna1547 (Sep 6, 2011)

Hi Peace (and all you wonderful ladies)

My name is Lorna, and I'm new to this site, but I just wanted to let you know about my situation and to provide a wee bit of encouragement.

I'm 38 and my hubby is 36, we were trying to conceive naturally for a year, and after no results, went to our GP.  To cut a very long story short, I was diagnosed with cysts on my ovaries (one measured 10 inches - yikes and the other 3 inches).  I had to undergo a Laparotomy (basically, a c-sec type cut to expose the lady bits), and on doing this, the Surgeon noticed I had severe endo everywhere.  After recovering from this operation and off work for 10 weeks, I was sent for various tests, dye in tubes, numerous internals etc, to find out that I had a blocked right tube (possibly due to scar tissue) and endo was still present in the form of endometrioma (basically, it's commonly referred to as a chocolate cyst).  

Me and my hubby started IVF with ICSI (as found out hubby also had a low/borderline SC) last April 2010, but before we could commence, I had to do 4 months of treatment called Zoladex - it basically shuts off your system, puts you into a false menopause, and dampens down the endo.  The end results are that you hopefully respond better to treatment.  So, after this we embarked on our first round for IVF.  Sadly, this IVF didn't work, for what reasons, nobody can tell you.  I decided to try again, as I always said we would try IVF/ICSI at least twice, I had to do another 4 months of Zoladex and hey presto, I am now sitting typing this 17 weeks pregnant with twins (just found out it's a boy and girl).

I really just wanted to let you know that there is hope, as I was told that I might not react well to stimulation drugs and my chances were very slim.  My ovarian response was very poor and my AMH levels were only at 2, and I'm a bit of an old bird at 38  . To top it all off, they only managed to collect 3 eggs on both occasions, but they were of very good quality (see, it's quality that matters ladies, not quantity),  I had a 2 day embryo transfer, and the rest is history.

I know it seems that things are helpless and you have such a high mountain to climb, but if you get the right clinic/hospital that understand your fears etc, it's amazing how better you feel about things ( I was lucky, as my doctors/nurses were amazing.) And don't forget to communicate with your OH, as I think people sometimes forget to think about partners in all of this, and all the focus can sometimes be on the woman.

IVF/ICSI can be tough, but it's nothing you can't get through, and don't let anyone knock your confidence and tell you " it might not work".

All my love to you and baby dust coming your way, and please get in touch if I can help or provide any further information, as I've been through it all.

Lorna xxxx


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## Journey99 (Jul 23, 2011)

Congratulations Lorna! That's fantastic news x


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## Lorna1547 (Sep 6, 2011)

Hi Journey99

Thanks hon.  How are you? xx


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## Journey99 (Jul 23, 2011)

I'm doing alright, slowly recovering from my surgery. Counting down the days until I can start being active again. I never thought I would say this but I miss exercise lol. 

Another positive story...My BFF had 4 years of unexplained infertility and was successful on their first IVF attempt. They now have gorgeous year old twins! A boy and a girl also. Keeps me positive we will eventually achieve our dream x


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## Lorna1547 (Sep 6, 2011)

You will honey.  I had everything against me and the doctors didn't even think they would get any eggs out of me, let alone to ET stage.

It's a horrible and sometimes very lonely road to go down, but just stay positive, drink fresh milk whilst stimming (along with pineapple juice - not from concentrate) brazil nuts, plenty fruit and veg and loads of water.  Also, with my second attempt I switched to pregnacare conception, and I swear by them and think they done me and my last remaining eggs the world of good.

Sending you loads of baby dust. 

Lorna xx


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## vic1984 (Jul 28, 2011)

hi ladies
hi peace its a difficult and frustrating time for all yourself included,doesn't matter what stage your at in your bid to get that bfp.you just have to keep going and stay strong.its deffanately harder than you think,but your time will come there is so many things they can do in respect of medical treatment that all over the world everyone is creating little miracles. you never know clomid might work for you.i've heard lots of success storys.i was just one of the unlucky ones, had i medically been allowed to take it longer they was just sorting there selves out for a regular cycle 

vicki xx


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