# Brummigs diary



## Brummig (Jan 14, 2011)

Tomorrow we will meet Little Red for the first time.  My heart is so full and yet I am so nervous!]
Its over 3 years since we made that first phone call to register interest (Sept 2010).  We were told it would be at least 6 months till we heard anything from them, but a few weeks later got a letter inviting us to the information evening in November, and we got a call in Jan for initial assessment!  That meeting was awful! We totally didn't gel with the SW.  Our son (we have a 10yo) was sick so he was in the next room asleep, and she said we weren't taking it seriously as she had told us he shouldn't be there, we weren't set up for a small child (well no, we had a 7 yo at the time), we had wine in the dining room (just come back from France) - that shouldn't be there, were we alcoholics, there was a medical issue I hadn't mentioned (I forgot), she said I was deliberately withholding information..... In short it was terrible, and her recommendation was that we should not proceed but reapply when the medical issue was resolved (which  it was). There were several errors in the report, and we had several fraught conversations trying to get these rectified, including about the medical (I had told them about this at the info evening and SW had said they'd probably send me for early medical and this was all I was asking for.  We got to stalemate and she was going to close our file, but then a miracle, she left! Our new SW agreed to the early medical and all was resolved. It took about another yr for us to get onto a Prep course, then another 5 months for us to get a SW appointed. Homestudy began Oct last yr, and we were approved at panel in April.  We first heard about this  child at start of June, but for many complicated reasons (not ours!) we only got to matching panel 2 weeks ago.
Little Red is 17 months, and been with foster mother since 3 weeks old.


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

What a long wait you've had.  I hope you have a truly wonderful day with your baby girl tomorrow.

Wishing you all the best,

Wyxie xx


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

The long wait will be worth it I'm sure once you meet her tomorrow.  Wishing you all a fantastic future together


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## Brummig (Jan 14, 2011)

Thank you x.  Can't imagine I will sleep much tonight - so many emotions flying around


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## Emma-is-a-mummy (Jan 16, 2012)

Hope you have a wonderful day today xxx


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## Brummig (Jan 14, 2011)

We met Little Red today!!!! She was clinging to the foster mum at first, but she seemed to recognise us from the talking photo album (she kept trying to work it but batteries had gone!), soon she started to engage with us, peek a boo games with hubby and then exploring my handbag (we had been warned about this so I had a special handbag with just stuff for her in it), we stayed a little beyond the 2 hours, helping feed her.  All felt good,
Back tomorrow...


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Sounds like you've had an amazing day. Enjoy every second


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## Brummig (Jan 14, 2011)

I can't believe that we only met her last week - feels like she has been part of our lives forever!  I want to try and record some of this for my own memories too/

Introductions were exhausting.  We had 90 min journey to fc each end most days, and worse at rush hours, and some days when Little Red came to our house we did it 4 times.  And that's before you add in all the emotion and stress.  Our fc were lovely, helping us all the way with the little things too, like being happy for us to use their change bag first times we took her out and we didn't have one.  They were very open about how upset they were about her going, but reassured us several times that this was not about any concerns about us.


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## Brummig (Jan 14, 2011)

So introductions went well, and at the review meeting on Monday everyone was in agreement that she should come to live with us on Wed (bit of a farce really - her social worker had set the date for review without checking with anyone else, so was scrabbling round for someone to chair and ended up with a woman none of us had met, and only chair and child social worker, us and foster carers).  All done quickly and we took her out to the nearby shopping centre as it was too late to be worth bringing her back to ours.  Rush hour traffic caused us lots of problems, and we were fortunate we got on well with fc's so could negotiate on return times, and they accepted that driving back from ours she would fall asleep, then be wide awake long after bedtime.
Tuesday, she came back to ours for the day, picked big brother up from school early and all had tea together before taking her back.  
Wed - early start as we were picking her up at 9.  Big Red had day off school to come too. The fc's road was closed for roadworks so I went to get her, and boys stayed in car. Tears and hugs all round but trying not to let Little Red see.  She cried for about a minute when we took her out, then realised we were going in car (which she loves)  and stopped.  We celebrated by going out for breakfast, then as it was a nice day to a local country estate.

We were expecting a rough first night, but she cried for about 2 minutes in the cot, then I went to the door to tell Big Red to stop coming in to say goodnight, then realised crying had stopped, and she was asleep - by 7pm!


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## Brummig (Jan 14, 2011)

Seems to be a new game everyday.
Yesterday it was climbing on and off a small chair, today rolling over on the floor.


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

How lovely - so many games you are going to enjoy x


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## Brummig (Jan 14, 2011)

Yesterday was first visit from sw since she came, one week in.  She seemed really happy with how she's settled in.  Little Red was a bit upset when she first arrived, but settled down quite soon, and became her cheeky self.  This was really good to see because she hasn't been happy when other people have come into the house (mainly my parents). We can't believe how well she has settled - she's eating and sleeping well, loves being out.  She gets a upset if we say we're going out as she seems to think that she's been left, even if you say 'you're coming too', but as soon as you say 'get your shoes' she has a big smile!
Later on my parents came round. Little Red went from playing really happily til they came in when she started to cry and cling to me.  SW had suggested she probably doesn't know what 'Grandma' and 'Grandad' are, although the foster family did have a 'Nana', so we explained they are just like Nana. We followed some suggestions from sw.  After a little while DH went to make a drink, so my Mum went out with him, and came back with a biscuit which she offered to Little Red, she wasn't sure at first, then went for it.  They stayed about an hour, she never went far from me but she did get off my lap a few times, gave some smiles, and allowed them to touch her when they left - count that as a victory!  We are meeting them at a coffee shop today so she gets used to them.  DH's first day back at work today, so lets see how that goes!


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## Brummig (Jan 14, 2011)

DH's first day back at work was survived!  It was generally okay, but I was a bit fraught by the time he got back as I was trying to get tea ready and Little Red wanted to be with me in the kitchen and then wanted picking up all the time.  She is definitely feeling more settled, as there was a little boundary pushing, and I have to get use to the fact that she is very different to Big Red - she is into everything - kitchen floor, bins, cat baskets.  I'm going to have to do a LOT more cleaning (not my best thing!).  
She is very clever, and wants to explore - we just need to make sure that's within safe limits.
I'll admit I got very stressed the other night putting her to bed (Big Red was wanting to come in and say goodnight, then he was having his bath, lots of loud talking, lights on and off etc which was disturbing her, and she picked up on me getting frustrated with him and was keeping herself awake!  DH and I ended up swapping, and he got her to sleep.  He did the next night with no probs, so I knew I had to do Thurs night.  I know I shouldn't be thinking that she's 'winding me up' but she was testing - it wasn't terrible but not great, but we have to work on it.  She is used to someone staying in the room with her until she's asleep.  

First trip into town for me and her yesterday.  Thought about going on bus but wimped out, so drove in.  We actually bumped into our social worker - it was the first time she's met Little Red, and she was all smiles for her.

Little Red picks up on a lot.  If she hears us say we're going out she will immediately start to wail - until you say 'put your shoes on' = all smiles when she realises she's coming too!


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## Brummig (Jan 14, 2011)

We survived Christmas.  MIL came on Christmas Eve and left today.  Little Red was fab on Christmas Day.  She seemed to have no problem with MIL staying in the house, and got very into pressies! My parents came later in the afternoon and she was still  on great form.  Yesterday she was more unsettled but generally okay.  Today however - payback!  DH and Big Red have gone back with MIL and are staying for 2 nights so its just me and her.  She was very unsettled this morning as it took them a while to leave and she knew something was happening.  She was really grumpy then, threw her lunch across the room twice.  Thought she'd better after a sleep - no.  My parents came round but she just clung to me and refused to even look at them for ages.  She didn't want to let me go all day - apart from when we went to Tesco when she refused to go in a trolley, and then stropped because I made her hold my hand!  I think its reaction to the last couple of days changes.  Hopefully better tomorrow.


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## Brummig (Jan 14, 2011)

Wow, its amazing how you forget how exhausting toddler days are and that you can't realistically do anything for more than a few minutes at a time.  Really can't believe its still not a full month since she came to live here!  She is amazing, curious, funny, wants to be doing things her older brother does! 
Bedtimes are fine now.  Sometimes takes longer, sometimes only a few minutes.  At first we had to stay in the room until she was fully asleep, but the last couple of nights she has been happy for us to go when she is still awake (we've still sat in the room for a while and got her settled).  She's been sleeping really well, not getting up til 9.30am!  We're going to start getting her up a bit earlier each day now or she'll get a real shock when Big Red goes back to school on Tues and we have to get up.
My parents came for tea yesterday.  I spoke to her about them coming, and told her several times they were coming for tea, then they would go home, and she was staying here with us.  I made sure I was holding her when they came in, and she stayed attached to me til we sat down for tea.  I tried to put her in her chair to help Dad serve, but she screamed so I told her she would sit in the chair when it was time to eat but could stay with me til then.  This seemed to work as when food was ready and she saw her plate ready she nearly climbed over the table to get into her chair!  She seems to prefer to sit with someone next/ opposite her rather that looking straight at her - less attention maybe.
We had a difficult SW visit on Mon, and we emailed afterwards to say how it had made us feel really bad.  We know some things weren't perfect but sitting there and saying "I told you that would happen...." not really helpful!
4 days til DH goes back to work, and we'll have to see how life goes then!


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