# 46 and off to barcelona



## artist_mum (Jun 19, 2012)

Hi
Gosh this seems hard to write online - it seems so ridiculous that i have left things this late.....  

I am 46, have always wanted kids but was in a 13 year relationship that was just not right, and I didn't ever have a pregnancy with him despite never taking the pill and we did not get any diagnosis at the time (he was unhelpful + had a child of his own already).  We split very amicably in the end and 2 years later I met my DH and now 2.5 years after meeting, he and I are booked in to a clinic in Barcelona for IVF (DE).

So we have been ttc for 2 years, last year I got pregnant for the first time ever at age 45 years, we were so excited and happy but m/c at 8 weeks.  So now we think DE is best and I am ok with that.  DH has 2 kids (8 yrs & 12 yrs) and we all get on really well but they are only here alternate weekends and so we would love to have our own child/children for all the usual reasons of togetherness, sharing our child, parenting together etc. We also think his 2 kids will enjoy more siblings, they love babies & toddlers so we think it will be ok for them too.  My dream since 12 years old is to be a mother - I wrote it down then as my preferred job!  So heaven only knows why i have done everything in life but have my own children..  I just hope and pray that the time is coming.

I have not had loads of tests etc so not very familiar with some of the things on here.  Our first meeting with clinic in barcelona is 9th July.  Having hormone tests tomorrow to take with us and will do all the other tests out there.

Any help would be so gratefully received..  I have a concern about being 46 of course & some general fears about how this can take over emotionally even though we are pretty happy with life in general.  It's just a weird thing not being able to talk about it to friends & family (we have not mentioned anything) so i hope this site helps with the feelings of isolation.

Thanks for your advice


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

to FF, artist_roxy!!! Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help you.

Here are a couple of links that I think might help you.

IVF General chat ~ CLICK HERE

Donor conception ~ CLICK HERE

TTC over 40 ~ CLICK HERE One of their sticky treads is full of success stories to give us "oldies" hope! You will find lots of help and support there.

Keep a diary of your treatment (or read the experiences of others) ~ CLICK HERE

Cycle Buddies (undergoing treatment at the same time) - CLICK HERE

Spain ~ CLICK HERE

The What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~   CLICK HERE

Our live chat room has a new member chat at 8pm on Wednesday. Here is our Chat Zone section which will give you info on other chats: CLICK HERE

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support, information and cyber hugs if you need it. We go through all the highs and lows of treatment together.

Good luck!           

Sue


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## DippyHippy (Apr 27, 2012)

Hi Artist_Roxy, 

I didn't want to read and run.  I haven't had too many tests or IVF (yet) either but it doesn't mean you won't find lots of helpful info and advice on FF - you've definitely come to the right place 

It is an emotional time and you are right, you can feel isolated if you've not shared with family or friends (only a couple know me and DH are having probelms TTC) but hopefully FF will help when you feel lonely... it has worked for me! 

Keep in touch, let us know how you got on with your tests and good luck for the clinic in July! x x x


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## artist_mum (Jun 19, 2012)

Thank you Wraakgodin for the info, that's great.  I've had a look at those links you suggested, really helpful.  Happy to have found FF!

DippyHippy - cheers for responding!  Good to just connect a bit with someone going through similar stuff. Wishing you loads of luck with yours. 

xxx


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## Moragob (Apr 1, 2012)

Hi  Artist Roxy

Welcome to this wonderful site and wishing you lots of luck on your journey.  

Which clinic in Barcelona are you using?  We went to Eugin in Barcelona and I test today after DEIVF with 2 embryo’s transferred on June 15th – I am 45 so a very similar age to you.

There are a couple of very good threads one for overseas clinics and one for over 40s which you might find helpful.  I have found it really helpful just knowing others really understand what we are going through as well as practical advice such as where to get the necessary drugs more cheaply

Good luck 

Morag


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## artist_mum (Jun 19, 2012)

Hi Morag

thanks for your post -  i have seen from your more recent posts that you are feeling sick... in a good way!!!  Gosh, I am really praying for you...

Yes, we went to Eugin the weekend before last for the first visit and are just waiting now for the results (ECG, mammogram etc).  All being well then we are able to go forward, although i have some fibroids and so am nervous about that and if that affects things.  But I guess they would say if it wasn't OK to proceed.

But I haven't even come online at FF til tonight because I just felt so negative about everything.  Like I'm too old and imagining what people will say and that the Doctors there were thinking 'she is too old'.  And worrying about the DE thing.  And then I was so stressed out that me and DP have been arguing a lot - plus we had his kids here this weekend & I seem to have got depressed - too much going on!  And it feels like the most major decision ever in my life.  

How did you deal with it all??!!
Also, we didn't buy the drugs in Spain - is there a cheaper way then?

Anyway, I am really excited for you, and stick with it - you can do it!!

Best of luck to you
Roxy x


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## Moragob (Apr 1, 2012)

Hi Roxy

Good to hear from you and that you have been to Barcelona.  The list of tests seems endless at times but I also found it reassuring that they were being so thorough.  I had ECG and mammogram there although I had to do further mammory ultrasound here as well as the Barcelona results were inconclusive.  I found Eugin fantastic to deal with both times we were but got a little frustrated a couple of times when they were slow to respond to emails.  They seem to respond to phone calls much more quickly but I don't get any mobile reception at work and am certainly not going ot take calls in the middle of an open office!

Please don't feel negative about age etc - although I know what you mean.  I have undergone so many tests at varying hospitals both locally and in London and definitely got bad responses a lot of the time from NHS staff who should know better but I have also had such a great response since my positive test even from my GP who was distinctly unhelpful prior.  There are plenty of us so called oldies who have got so much love and energy and who's business is it anyway but ours and our DH / DP?  

It is a huge decision and like you I had been in a prior relationship that lasted 9 years which was about 8.5 too long.  I didn't meet my DH until I was 34 and we didn't starting discussing family until 2 years later and thought it would all just happen.  I gave up and got really down about it all for a few years and it was a chance conversation with an old friends wife (who I don't know very well) that motivated me not to give up.  She had had successful IVF and has a friend who has had a DE child recently - there was certainly no judgement from her.  We have told a DH's close family and have had nothing but positive reactions - including a lovely email from my DH's 70+ stepmother saying how brave she thought we were and how much she hoped we were successful.  I have found it inspiring to chat with people on here and realise that I am not as peculiar nor am I the complete failure that I thought I was.

As far as the drugs go there is a chemist in London Rigcharm Chemist in Shadwell who will supply the drugs on a Spanish prescription - the donor drugs were about £2OO cheaper but we ended up paying Eugin for those as it all happened so quickly and I hadn't organised anything here (and the exchange rate had improved so the saving wasn't so great).  Some people have also bought the donor drugs at a chemist across the road from Eugin we went and got a price but it wasn't that much cheaper and they had to get a couple of things ordered in so we just took the easy route.  Rigcharm email is [email protected] and telephone is 020 7790 9150.

I have found this forum a huge help in coping with everything - and my husband is pretty good at talking about things.  It is difficult and quite overwhelming at times and I have become quite reclusive as I find it difficult to react normally to others trivialities!!  I have also gone on dog walks in the New Forest or on the beach which is always calming even in the rain.

Thanks also for your good wishes - I am really up and down, absolutely terrified that I will miscarry again so just trying to get through one day at a time, but we did see a heart beat on Friday which was just amazing.

Anyway this was going to be a quick post  but has turned into an epic.  Keep in touch and be kind to yourself - it is a tough journey at times but hopefully very worth it at the end.

Morag


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## artist_mum (Jun 19, 2012)

Hi Morag

I only just saw your post!!  I haven't been very good at working out how to use FF so I"m sorry only just replying now.  

Thanks so much, your info is great and just really nice to hear from you. How is it going with you? 

Everything you say is so exactly how I feel, wanting to be a bit reclusive and nobody realising what is actually going on.  I too have a dog and find those times out with her are calming.  Dogs really are the best!  We are in Hampshire although we don't make it down to the New Forest too much as we are winchester based.  We are about to go camping in Dorset and take the dog so hopefully that will be nice.  

Lovely to see encouragement from your DH stepmother, that is so nice of her.  I just don't dare tell anyone who is family as I know they will judge me on it. Well I think they will but I know actually, it is  our business and not theirs just as you say. We will wait and see when we need to let them know.

We got lucky i think on the meds, my GP re-prescribed them on an NHS prescription so we could pick them up from Boots.  I was amazed they did that.  I have my decapeptyl injection tomorrow so feeling really nervous about how that will affect me and about starting this whole thing going for real now.  Particularly as we have my DH kids with us for 2 weeks (age 8 and 12) and it is busy enough without being spaced out/PMS or whatever the injection will bring.  Did it affect you?

Anyway, I so hope all is well with you 
Sending you positive and happy thoughts

Roxy x


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## Moragob (Apr 1, 2012)

Hi Roxy

I haven’t logged on for a few days – trying to wean myself off this a little.

Great news on the Depo injection – once AF arrives then things should move really quickly from here on in.  I had no side effects from the injection but the patches seemed to make me extremely tired (and a couple of other people have made similar comments).

Hope the camping in Dorset went well – where abouts did you go?  We usually camp a lot over summer, usually Dorset Coast as it is so close, but this summer has been so pants we’ve only been once.  

Things have been a bit up and down with me – had a brilliant and really positive scan at 8 weeks, and a good meeting with the consultant at Salisbury Hospital, who just couldn’t be nicer and is going to scan me every 4 weeks thoughout the pregnancy to keep a close eye on me, which is such a relief.  Then 3 hours after this I started bleeding but as I had just been scanned they wanted to wait a week to rescan.  The longest most horrible week ever, but all is well and we had another scan last Friday.  So first midwife appointment tomorrow and I’ll be 10 weeks so starting to think it might be ok.  I ahve now had 3 scans and seen a heartbeat 3 times, but it is just so scary still.

I have handed over the morning dog walks (at 6am!) to my husband as I am just so tired and sick in the mornings but usually take her out in the evening and for a good hour or 2 over the weekends – and I agree they really are good company.  She is my first dog and I wouldn't be without one now.  Before I met my DH I was terrified of dogs but he had a dog so I had to get over my fears and I am so glad I did.  

Hope all is well with you – let me know how you are getting on

Morag
xx


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## artist_mum (Jun 19, 2012)

Hi Morag

Good to hear from you and glad you have got through that dodgy week.  You must be near the 12 week mark.. not long now.  I am beginning to realise that this journey just takes you from one situation to another and you just have to keep trusting, not easy huh?!  Glad to hear you have a good and friendly consultant at Salisbury, that must help a lot.

We just got back from camping near Corfe Castle which went really well.  A site called Burnbake which is great, just by the forest and you can walk from the camp all the way to Studland Beach.  Plus the kids (my partner's two kids) just play on the site with all the other campsite ragamuffins so that is easier than entertaining them!  We went to lulworth, swanage etc and the sun mostly shone so it was good. I am orginaly from London suburbs and really appreciate Hants, Dorset and the West country - beautiful.

The dog is also my first dog and I would say that she changed my life.  I was on my own and got her even though I wasn't sure if I would cope OK but yeah, she has been amazing.  We did puppies last year, she had 8 - gorgeous golden retrievers .  Didn't keep any though as we had too much on at the time & 2 dogs is a lot I think (we have 2 cats too).  But we may do it again, we'll see.  One of the puppies lives next door and another went to my partner's sister so we do see them which is nice.

I'm really excited now that I have had the depo injection which was fine and am now on the patches.  Interesting you say about being tired.  i was thinking I must just be a bit lazy so that helps!  I just want to get on with it all now and to hear from Eugin with a date.  But it won't be for another 10 days or so at least.

I keep hearing things on the radio etc about nature versus nurture and about genetics and then the whole debate goes around again in my head.  But I guess it is natural to think about these things and above all I am so excited to move forward with this and just want to get on with it.

Hope things keep going well for you, sorry to hear you are tired and sickness but then... it's in a good cause  

Take it easy and look after yourself.
Loads of positive thoughts coming your way...

Roxy xx


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## Moragob (Apr 1, 2012)

Hi Roxy

Hope things are progressing well for you.  10 days is not long in the whole scheme of things and it will suddenly be a rush to get out there - it's exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time.  But at least Barcelona is lovely city and a couple of days away is always good, although it is also a bit surreal.

I've heard good things about Burnbake but have not ever been.  We spend a lot of time on the Isle of Purbeck as it is just so beautiful and have camped at Downshay Farm which has a lovely view of Corfe.  Did you get to Worbarrow Bay as all - it's one of my favourites as there is a short walk to get to the beach which scares off most people!  We usually camp a bit further along the coast either at Osmington or Golden Cap, but haven't been this yet as the weather has been so pants and over the last few weeks I've wanted to sleep in a bed rather than on an air mattress but we are thinking that we might go in Sep if the weather breaks.

Morag


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## artist_mum (Jun 19, 2012)

Hi again

No, I haven't been to Worbarrow Bay - but have made a note of some of those places you mention.  It is really lovely down there so yes, we may well go again. 

I completely understand the bed versus air mattress preference..  We managed to puncture the one we had borrowed but luckily only on the last night  .  My partner doesn't really like sleeping in the tent, says he doesn't sleep well, but his kids love it and I just love being out doors so for now, it is a good solution for giving us all a holiday.  And the dog had the best time ever!

Let's hope for some september sunshine, that would be nice and you may be more comfortable to get out and about by then.
Your messages on here are so insightful and helpful - you seem a lovely person and I really hope it all goes well for you.

Roxy x


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