# Tell me it gets better!- It does!!!



## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Ladies

Bobby has now been home for nearly 3 weeks, not long I know, and DH has started back at work this week so yet another change has taken place for him to get his head round.  He has gone from being a lovely little boy to a horror only to turn back into a smiling sweetie when DH gets home.  I feel terrible , it doesn't matter what I say or do with him he is just being defiant all day long and I am finding it hard, it is so wearing......he is 2 so I know the terrible 2s are just that and I know he has had a lot going on over the last 5 weeks.

I guess I just need to know whether this is 'normal' and whether it will all settled?

Love
OT x


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

In my experience - yes - it is normal.  Our DD did exactly the same thing at around 2year old and it drove me mad because I would be stressed out and grumpy by 5pm (from dealing with hot/cold behaviour all day) and DH would show up and wonder why I was complaining!

The thing that helped me most was doing a reward chart for good behaviour/saying please/being kind/sharing/helping.  More than helping Bubbles, it helped me to see how much good there had been and how much fun we had shared despite the occasional naughty bits and helped me to see it all in context.

It took me about 4 months to fully 'bond' with DD due to these issues and others but apparently that can be normal for a main carer who is at home full time.

Magenta x


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi Old Timer,

I would also say it is normal given his age, my dd is 20months and the terrible two's have definitely hit!, she is controlling, blows hot and cold, bought her a teaset from ELC today and she loved it and played on her own with it for 20 mins, then with no warning throw all pieces on the floor in temper, she has also started biting her arm in frustration which I find upsetting.

I would say your littly is still adjusting to his new environment and then when dh goes back to work it might have unsettled him again, once you get in a routine you will both feel better.  I think what is most important is building the attachment which goes far deeper than a 'bond', I have learnt this a lot with my little and I wish I had done more reading up on this area as it is so crucial. Do lots of 1:1 games incorportating lots of eye contact, theres some good tips on this on the forever family website dont know the link but if you google it should come up.

Its hard isnt it when dh goes back? I remember when mine did and i felt a bit panicky thinkin what am I going to do now?? You will have good days and bad days I know I do.

Take care

Dawny

xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Completely 100% normal and YES things will get better.  Your DS is just testing the boundaries and we've all gone through this stage at some point.

Our DS who is 15 is testing the boundaries again BUT over totally different things.......time of bed, what time he's allowed out, how much pocket money he should get....that sort of thing......so things do get better and then take a dive again when they hit teens!! Oh the joy!!LOL BUT I wouldn't have it any other way!!!

Love
Andrea
x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Thanks ladies! 

It helps knowing it is normal.

Andrea, I can remember vividly the arguments over what time I had to come in at night and why could my brother have a party and I couldn't......maybe that makes it slightly easier as you can remember doing the same? 

Oh well, another day, hes been awake since 6am, has broke his cup, ripped a book and hit me.......I just hope that lovely little boy appears for at least a bit of today.

Love
OT x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

OT, we are going through the same at the moment with our ds although he has been with us for over 2 years now   he is a little monster most of the time and it's so draining isn't it   although my ds does keep up his toddler antics even when dh comes home he is an absolute angel if we have company and i do get comments like 'what you talking about ? he's an angel, you don't know what a terrible two's are'   which to be honest is very irritating and un-supportive but i'm getting used to it  

my little 'angel' is asleep now as he was up at the crack of dawn, he hasn't broken anything yet just terrorised the dogs and told me NO to everything. i'm hoping he's getting out of the breaking things stage as he doesn't seem to do it much now  

anyway enough rattling on from me, but at least you know you are definitely NOT alone    keep struggling on the good times will out weigh the bad (that's what i tell myself on really bad days)    

pam xx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Turns out he wasn't asleep   and now he is banging his door, and screaming trying to get me to go in to him   he certainly knows what buttons to push   

pam xx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Trust me it is normal 

Today K has broken the valve on 2 anyway up cups by jamming his sunglasses in the tops of them. After being told off for doing it this morning. He has terrorised the cat and has been on the naughty step 12 times! ahhhhhhhhhh

For children who have been looked after they find change very hard to deal with. Trust me fostering has taught me that they can get very chaotic when things however small change! and being 2 yrs old just adds to it for them!

Most of the time K is a little angel but this week dh is away with school and he has turned into a little monster! currently trying to saw my leg off with his bob the builder saw ! 

I know its not easy but try and stay positive as it will get better 

xx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Thanks again, so good to know I'm not alone and its normal rather than my lovely little boy turning into a child from hell!

Today has been better after a naff start but only because I've spent 95% of my time playing with him and not been able to do anything else.  Our SW came today and she saw how he was behaving and at the end of her visit she said I was doing everything right and it would get better.  I know its not personal against me but it still feels that way especially when DH comes home yet again to lots of love and cuddles 

I think next week will be better, my parents will be back from their long holiday so Dad will be around more and just having Mum at the end of the phone will help, he is meeting friends of ours this weekend who have small children so it will make it easier to get out and about with other people and its not long till the summer holidays so I will have various people I can socialise with and the children can play.

Thanks again, you are all so supportive.

Love
OT x


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Big Hugs OT

Know how you feel. But it does get easier.

PBMxx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Thanks PBM.

Today we have had a fantastic day    My wonderful, happy, lovely little boy is back, I don't know how long for but today has given me the strength to cope with the bad days and look forward to the good ones.  We haven't had a tantrum or anything and he helped me sorting the beds out and the washing and watched me clean the loo!

Thanks agains to everyone for your support and experiences.
Love
OT x


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi OT,

Glad you have had a lovely day it makes it all worthwhile doesnt it? just remember it when you have a bad day I know it helps me  

It is still very early days and nobody can prepare you for the emotional rollercoaster we all go through once the placement has gone ahead, sound like you are doing a great job though!

Take care

Dawny
x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

We've had another good day today, no tantrums just our lovely little boy 

Wonder whether Monday will be back to strops after DH being home for the weekend?...Oh well, at least now I know the good days will follow.

Love
OT x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

OT

You may well find that after your DH gos back to work after the weekend that your DS will "change" again, its all part of the settling in process & not a personal attack on you, although it does feel like that.

I do remember that feeling so well.  Our DS would play me up something rotten & I'd moan to DH as soon as he came through the door & DH could not see the problem as our son was all cute by now!!!

You are doing the right thing by spending more time with him & leaving the house work till later, if the house work can't wait, involve him like you have been or tell him that once you've done a job, such as making the beds you'll sit and read him a story & maybe suggest to Bobby for him to go and find a story whilst you finish of the beds.

I hope your good days continue & if they don't REMEMBER its normal & you are doing a fantastic job of being a Mummy!!

Love
Andrea
x


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