# Adoptive Parents General Chat



## saphy75

I have started this thread so all us mummies and daddies have got a place to discuss our little treasures (good and bad) and other general stuff, because i for one feel a little strange on the babydust board as i'm sure some of you must too.

I'll start off then 

My ittle boy is almost 11 months old now and has just taken his first couple of very wobbly steps, as most of you will remember he has been with us since he was 14 weeks old (where has the time gone)   so far we have been very lucky as he is a very good settled healthy baby. We are still in contact with his foster carers in fact they have been to see us this afternoon (we have been very lucky there too as they are lovely people) anyway enough from me, i'm looking forward to reading about your little ones and also sharing my experiences of parenthood with you all 

pam xx


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Pam,

WOW nearly one and about to walk  life will become even more fun then. Time does fly when your having fun. Are you planning a birthday party for chunk?

I can't believe pooh bear is nearly 2.5 already and it nearly 12 months since the legal adoption. Every day he just gets better and better, I love him soooooooooooooooooo much   . Today we have been on the local steam train and then for coffee and Cake and a stroll round the farmers market in the sunshine. Its days like this that make me smile, spending it with my son and DH.

Also had to visit FIl in hospital, he is on the mend which is good news and pooh bear is the star of the ward, the old guy in the next bed and his wife have took a real shine to him, and he was so good considering it is a bit boring. He was very upset last week that he could not go in the nee nor with Grandad   .

He is Thomas mad at the moment, so the train was a great hit today, he got a 50p train whistle which he loved. 

Chat soon

PBMxxx


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## superal

Hi!

Pam what a lovely idea setting up this bit of the boards, I hope I can join in as well, my 2 are nearly 14 (HELP!!) & 6!

We went out shopping on Saturday for some snorkel stuff for out holidays (6 more sleeps ) & DD tried her flippers on and was waddling around in them saying when I grow up I want to be a penguin, the couple next to us were giggling away and saying how Sweet she looked, which of course is true!!

DS on the other hand was more interested in looking at all the football stuff, typical lad of his age. dreams of being the next Wayne Rooney and he's got two left feet, DS not Wayne!

Hope everyone else joins in and tells us something that happened over the weekend/week that made them smile.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## saphy75

hi girls 

PBM- your day sounds fab i totally agree about days like that making us all smile, pooh bear sound adorable. dh and i still have to pinch ourselves every now and again as it's so hard to believe we are parents and how much love we feel for our son is more than i ever thought possible. 

Andrea- wow you actually managed to get your 14 yaer old to go shopping with you   how did you bribe him    i'm interested to hear your reply as the speed time is passing chunk will be 14 before we know it   pmsl at your dd waddling around in flippers, i bet she looked so cute 

chunks fc's came yesterday and we had a good old natter, chunk obviously refused to show them his new wobbly steps made us look like liars (again)    but he did have plenty of smiles for them and also he showed them his tantrum style (which his fm found most amusing)   

we are still trying to sort out something for his birhday party, i'm going to try the village hall see if it's free but then will still have the problem of entertainmemt for the other children   maybe i'll just have a quiet party for him at home

looking forward to hearing how everyone else is getting on 

pam xx


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## cindyp

What a great idea Pam.

I do post on the Babydust board but obviously there are things that they have never experienced and vice versa.

Pam, in some ways I can't believe that Chunk is nearly walking as time flies so much when you're a Mum.  However Junior is 3 now and a proper grown up little boy and when I look at the photos of when we first got him I can see how much he's changed.  

PBM, Pooh Bear's not the only one that is Thomas mad, Junior's watching it at the moment which is why I've been able to come on-line.  I've got a friend visiting at the moment and she's been sucked into watching it too    There are really boys aren't they?

Andrea, like Pam I can't believe your DS went shopping with you either    Does that mean that my DS will get better as he gets older as there is no way he would go happily now.  LOL at your daughter in her flippers.  Not long till your birthday  

I'm struggling to know what to do today, I have a friend visting but we are both feeling a bit poorly and it's rather wet outside.  I've let him watch telly for an hour but feel guilty at the idea of letting him watch any more.  This is when I find parenting the hardest when you feel a bit rough and don't feel like doing anything energetic but feel you need to entertain your child.  If it was just me and my friend we would probably just mooch on the sofa reading our books.  Hey ho, more train tracks to build.  

Cindy


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## saphy75

Cindy, happy train track building hun    entertaining our little ones can be hard sometimes especially if you are feeling a bit poorly   i know what you mean about the tv thing even at his age chunk would watch for hours if i let him but i tend not to switch it on until just before bed now (a have to admit though when i was poorly it was on in the day) i am not having a good day with chunk today, i think he has more teeth coming as he is very grumpy and refusing to sleep (he is whittering in his cot as i type) sometimes i just don't know what to do for the best. it's so hard to leave him crying but he is so tired i think i'll have to resort to the teething gel see if it helps    i better go and sort him as he is crying properly now  

pam xx


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## KarenM

Hi Everyone

This is a great idea Pam.  I like Cindy have posted on the babydust thread but some things are adoption exclusive and it is hard to get across the difference.

Well my two are now 3 & 4 (eeek!)  and I can't believe they have been part of our lives for over 2 years now.  My eldest has been diagnosed with RAD - reactive attachment disorder (the fault of the LA messing up contact arrangements in the early stages of her foster care through to her adoption) so we are having to do alot of self analysis at the moment.  I love my girls to bits but it can be really hard at times as you feel so helpless.

Cindy - my youngest is really in to T the T and had the aqua draw for Xmas.  We always have to find a train when we are away for her to go on.  Great news on number 2.  Good luck with all the hurdles.  Sorry to hear you are feeling under the weather.

Pam - Great news on Chunks first wobbly steps.  At least they have lots of padding on their bums at this stage!!

Andrea - LOL at your DD in her flippers.  And like the others I am shocked that you got a 14 year old boy to go to the shops, you must have street cred or he wanted something!!

PBM - LOL at your DS and the nee naw.  My two call my Mum and Dad Grandma and Grandad poorly given that they have both been in hospital so much in the last 12 months.  Good luck for your prep course.

The closing date for the school applications was today so we should find out in March which school our eldest has been selected for.  Hope it is the one we want as I have had to change our preference due to the other school closing the wrap around care facilities.  We are already preparing her given the RAD and her difficulty in accepting change of any kind.  She says she can't wait - bless.

Not much else going on here.

TTFn
Karen x


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## superal

OK the secret to getting a nearly 14 year old to go shopping with you is to tell them that your going for them!!

It's easy when you think about it, tell them you are buying them something, drag them all around YOUR shops first and then buy him his stuff.  He did want some clothes for our holiday so that's why he came around the shops with us.  He's not bad at coming out with us but sometimes puts up a bit of a fight!  

DD on the other hand takes after me could shop till she dropped!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## saphy75

lol very sneaky andrea, i like it   

pam xx


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## superal

YES it is very sneaky isn't it Pam BUT hey it works! 

All I need to work out now is how to get him to tidy his room   
Love
Andrea
xx


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## saphy75

Good luck there hun    maybe you could tell him you have hidden a £10 note in his room somewhere and if he tidies it he will find it, although that could just make him mess his room up more looking for it   

pam xx


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## superal

Pam your message had me in stitches, so much so that DD asked why i was laughing!! .  I might try that idea and see what happens if he messes it up even more then I'll let you know, it can't be as bad as it is now.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Girls,

Well i had a real mummy moment today. Dh's dad is back home from hospital which is good news, but when we were leaving his house after lunch today pooh bear tripped over his bag and fell face 1st into the door frame. At first i though he had just bumped himeslf, but the blood started pouring out of his chin, which had a small but deep gash in it?  

I am a nurse but my mummy feeling took over and i felt so upset, did manage to keep it together though. I felt it need more than a plaster but did not want to spend hours in A&E especially as this was the 1st day we had not been there in  2 weeks with FIl.

So I did get a plaster on it, and put him in the car to go to the chemist to buy some steri- strips. But it was shut, grrrr and so was the local Gp's across the road. So I phoned my aunt who we had been planning on visiting to say we were on our way. That is when the tears came. Anyway  pooh fell asleep in the car and when we go there the bleeding had stopped. Her neighbour is a nurse so she came round with some steri strips.

I cleaned it up tonight and put them on, and I must say pooh bear was soooooooooo brave and such a star, but the offer on choccy did help, and then once he was in bed wine and choccy for me. 

I am sure he will have a scar but it is under his chin.

And during all this the wind was blowing trees down left right and centre and the power was off!!!.

Ahh a day in the lifeof a mummy.

Chat soon

Love

PBMxxxx


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## saphy75

AWWWWW PBM that must of been awfull seeing your little bear bleeding    i'm soooo pleased he's ok, well done on holding it together i bet it was so hard not to  

Andrea let us know if the £10 experiment works as in 10 years or so i might need to use it myself   

well we have had quite a boring day today as the bad wind has kept us in doors   but we have played with the peekablock train and tigger phone so not a complete wasted day.    Chunk decided he wanted a bottle after his lunch today (which he hasn't had for weeks) then he refused to have all of his bedtime milk   he certainly keeps me on my toes. also the last week he has been babbling and shouting in his bed when we put him down on an evening and when i go in he has the most cheeky grin on his face   it's soooooo cute but i have to stay firm and lay him back down and tell him it's bedtime   it's so hard not to laugh he certainly knows how to melt my heart, hopefully he will stop doing it soon as he needs his sleep 

pam xx


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## superal

PBM really felt for you when I read your message, we all want the best for our children and when something like that happens you do feel helpless.  I'm sure lots of TLC of his Mummy helped him and what a little star he is for being so brave.  Don't be so hard on yourself, accidents do happen, it's just when they do you feel helpless.

Well yesterday was an interesting day for us as well.

DH dropped DD off at school and he thought she had gone into school and so did her teacher but she was hiding from him.  So DH walked off and the next minute a teacher was calling him, carrying DD with her breaking her heart, tears flowing down her cheeks and getting really upset that Daddy did not find her and walked off!  

DH felt like the big bad naughty daddy and had to then spend 10 minutes calming her down and with the help of the teacher every thing was OK UNTIL he phoned me to tell me what had happened & I went mad at him!!!  

MEN!!

Hope every one survived the wind yesterday,not much damage here but some of my neighbours have lost loads of roof tiles, good job I've got builders here!!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## cindyp

Andrea, I occasionally refer to my DH as my second child because sometimes I think he has as much common sense as a five year old.  .

Pam, I'm afraid Chunk will continue to keep you on your toes  

PBM, have sent you a PM.

We didn't suffer too much with the wind apart from the noise of it.  It has been a hard week though.  I must admit although we love our DS to bits he has been very hard work this week.  Unfortunately although he has been poorly he has had enough energy that he has been able to really push it this week.  Because he is tired and miserable he becomes bad tempered and badly behaved.  Unfortunately because we have been ill and tired ourselves it makes it harder to deal with.  It's times like this when you think, second child, we must be mad  .  He is over the worst of the virus but now has a nasty cough which is disturbing his sleep so for the last two nights he has ended up in the spare double bed with me.  Before I became a Mum, it was one of those things I said I wouldn't too but at 2 in the morning boy does it seem like the easiest option  .  Had my SIL and her new boyfriend visit today and took them to a nearby tourist town, went into a cafe for tea and cake and unfortunately DS had such a bad coughing fit he sicked his all back up again.  Ah the joys of parenting  

love
Cindy


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## saphy75

hi 

anybody got any idea's on entertaining a very active 11 month old  ?  we do sit and play with his toys a lot and i have tried giving him play dough but he just eats it (as you would expect really) he does the same with crayons and i have bought some paints (non toxic of course) and i expect he'll just eat that too   we also (weather permitting) go for a nice walk everyday. TV is a no no i'm afraid as he  gets too engrossed in it so i limit his intake   

any advice is most welome  

Cindy i hope you are all feeling much better hun, i too said i wouldn't put our child/children in our bed with us but guess where chunk was at 5 am  and he did go back to his cot after a nice cuddle

Andrea, i agree MEN !!!! they just don't think do they anyway i'm pleased he managed to calm dd 

big   to everyone else
pam xx


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## cindyp

Hi Pam, it's difficult sometimes this time of year to know what to do.  Do you go to any Mums and Tots groups?  I didn't but only because they were on the two days when I was working and DS was at home with his dad (who didn't fancy mixing with a load of women  ).  We did go to a Music with Mummy group each week where he got to bang on lots of different music instruments and I got lots of aerobic excercise (until they can physically join in with the dancing you have to carry them  ).  We've only just given up as he has started pre-school.  

I also used to let me help with baking and chores, he'd help me with the stirring and the laundry, he'd pull the pegs off the clothes.  We are also lucky as we had a few soft play/activity centres around and if I felt I had to get out of the house we could go there.  Apart from that it was just the normal, going shopping, visiting friends, swimming, etc.  I must admit I used to wish he would watch telly at Chunk's age, he only discovered it about 4 months ago, so that I could have a break.  Now, like Chunk, he has become engrossed and would watch it all day if I let him.

Fortunately we are over our colds, DS still has a bit of a cough but he is much better and has gone back to sleeping through the night.  We are still having some behavioural problems though.  He keeps being a bit rough, not with anybody else, just with me and Lee.  He doesn't have tantrums as such but sometimes when he is in a bad mood, and sometimes just thoughtlessly when he is playing, he will flail with his arms and feet with complete disregard as to whether he has hurt us.  We are wondering if he is acting out because he is aware that something is going on with the second adoption.  We had another visit from our SW tonight with forms for us to complete and photos for us to see.  He was fine whilst she was here as we let him watch telly but after he was again jumping on us and doing things like wacking me on the nose or headbutting his Dad's bottom    We tell him firmly to be gentle and he says sorry and then he goes and does it again.  I know it's not abnormal behaviour as I've seen other people's kids do it but it's hard to know what to do sometimes to stop him being too rough with us whilst not curbing his natural boisterousness or enjoyment of a bit of rough and tumble play.

Any suggestions more than welcome.

love
Cindy

PS, the photos of the baby girl were gourgeous


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Cindy & Pam.

Pam, it is hard at times to find things to do all day everyday, like cindy says play areas can be good, the park etc weather permiting, but i know the days can be long? Does he havea sleep at all. I found this a god send as it really broke up the day and gave me a bit of chill out time. You are very brave trying paints. Pooh has been bought them but he only paints at play group etc, much to messy for home! As they only want to do it for about 5 minutes anyway.

Cindy, Junior sound so much like pooh bear, he can be rough at time and it is so hard not to get cross but I don't think they do realise, as you say you just have to keep telling them and make them say sorry. My friend gave me a book a while ago called raising boys which does explain why they act like this, ie: impulsive etc. Poohs thing is throwing things which as you say can end up hurting you. It is just a phase all be it a difficult one. Hope it gets better soon. 

Have you been able to keep any photos now ofyour daughter? Gosh time is flying not long till the 5th. So happy for you.

We move on the 2nd, and I still haven't packed much at all? OMG!!! I keep hoping a little packing fairy is going to come ina do it whilst I am asleep??

Chat soon.

PBMxxxx


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## superal

Just a quick message on this part as something happened on my 40th birthday, whilst away and I felt awful!!

We lost our DD for a total of 25 minutes, the longest 25 minutes of my life, she had wondered of from the playground she was playing in and we only turned our back for a minute.  She had gotten confused as to which beech we were on and had turned right instead of left, poor little thing.

The thing is though she was not bothered abut the whole thing, she just wondered up to a family on the beech, who we had been letting onto and told them she was lost.  The other Mum said she was as cool as a cucumber.

Ten out of ten for using her head and going to a face that was familiar to her BUT the fear we felt was awful, I just burst out crying when we got her back and she did the same, it was then that she realised what had happened and got upset herself. 

DD did not wonder of again and I always made sure I knew where she was.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## cindyp

Andrea, how terrifying.  I remember when we took my neices and nephew on holiday and my neice went wandering along the beach looking for shells.  We looked up and she had disappeared out of sight, it only took us ten minutes to find her but I'd felt terrible imagining her drowning in the sea and all sorts of awful things.  God knows how bad you felt after 25 minutes.  However she sounds like a very sensible girl and you must have been very proud of her for not falling apart.

Glad you had a lovely holiday apart from that scary part.  I wouldn't worry too much about being 40, you're still younger than me and like the saying goes "you're as old as you feel", which is about 96 for me today   

We had an unexpected night out last night, my friend offered to have Junior for the night and so he had his first sleepover with his friend and I was looking forward to my first real lie in.  We went out for a romantic meal and then back to our local.  Obviously as we are both over 40 we were sensible and had an early night, NOT!.  It was the landlady's birthday and we all ended up in the pub till 2 in the morning.  As the romantic mood carried on when we got home   it was an incredibly late night.  So although we had a lie-in we didn't end up with any more sleep than normal.  Ah well you live and learn and it was fun at the time.

Tonight I'm repaying the favour and his friend is staying with us.  They're both great boys but I'm glad I never had twins, far too exhausting    They're finally quiet now watching TV, hence my being able to come on-line.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend, I'm on countdown, less than two days until the panel is over.

love
Cindy


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## KarenM

Andrea - how scary for you.  I hate it when mine go out of sight for even the briefest of moments, normally in the supermarket when we have moved on and they haven't heard.  They are now too big for the trolley and think they are too old to hold hands.  Glad that you fond her quickyl adn that she was sensible enogh to find someone she knew.  It would have been bad enough in this country but away from home too must have been really terrifying

Cindy - you are brave.  Bed time can be bad enough with your own never mind with someone elses little one.  Hope they sleep for you.  We are planning a sleepover for the girls at the In laws in readiness for when we go away.  Although we are planning to use their time away to clear the loft out ready for a car boot sale (how the other half live!!).

Hi to all the other adoptive mummies.  Hope you and your little ones are well.  We are having a party tomorrow for my in laws golden wedding anniversary and so the kids are really excited.

Bye for now
Karen x


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## saphy75

Hi guys, i have finally got my laptop back   so i have loads of catching up to do 

Andrea how scary losing your little princess hope it didn't spoil your holiday too much hun  

Cindy sounds like you had a great night out  

Karen such exciting lives us parents lead   i need to have a sort out before chunks birthday so we can fit more toys in his room   

i haven't been up to anything exciting in the last 10 days just normal day to day stuff i'm afraid   i did manage to get my oven cleaned (a job that was well overdue) well i'm off to try to catch up on 10 days worth of ff    

pam xx


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## Ann

Hi girls,

Do you mind if I join you? I have not posted for ages as I did not really know where to post but this is fab   Our 2 girls have been with us just over 2 years now and boy do they keep me busy! Our Eldest is now 3 and a half going on 20 and our youngest is 2 and a half and may not make it to twenty   she is the pickle of the family and that is being polite! all of the other kids are scared of her - some days I am tearing my hair out and I just hope it is a phase!!!! They both go to pre school together on  Friday morning so I get to go to the Gym after 2 years! Our eldest starts school in September and is very excited at the prospect   I want to know where my little girls have gone   well DH is cooking dinner and i need a G and T but look forward to chatting soon xxx

Love Ann xx

P.s Cindy I am made up with your news you must both be over the moon xx


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## saphy75

Hi  

Ann - of course you can join us, it's great to hear from you hun your girls sound great   i'm sure it's just a phase that your youngest is going through  . i look forward to reading all about you all 

I have been planning a little tea party for chunks first birthday    it's looking like we will have 11 adults and 4 children in our house   i'm not used to entertaining more than a couple of people at a time   hopefully i'll survive it    

hope you are all doing ok 

pam xx


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## Barbarella

Hi Everyone

Have been meaning to post on here for ages, but I never seem to find the time, what with reading the other thread.. but I'm going to make more of an effort.  LOL.  Bea has had a bad bug as welll and I have my own adoption forum to mod as well on another website, so that takes up quite a lot of time (am I forgiven!?)

Well we've had Bea for 8 weeks now...  at the first adoption review they said we could apply to adopt at the minimum 10 weeks, but our 2nd review isn't until the 5th April... so not sure if we have to have that first... any ideas anyone?

Anyway, life with Bea is fantastic. I really really thought I would struggle with the practical and domestic side, but I even enjoy changing her nappies. Ok, being poo'd on wasn't great, especially 5 mins before we were due to go out to the Drs... but to be honest, even her bug seemed to bring us closer together.  She wasn't a cuddly baby at all and this was one thing that frustrated me (foster carer did warn us)... but she seems to be more cuddly now and even sits on my lap for periods of time, whereas before she would never do that.  Although we thought she settled really quickly, as time goes on, the more settled and content she seems.  We are very lucky, she is a dream and sleeps from 6.30-7.00 until 8-8.30am - even when she was ill.  She makes us laugh so much and we couldn't have wished for a better outcome to our INF journey... I could convince myself I gave birth to her, it feels so natural with her... and complete strangers tell us how much she looks like us...     

Don't get me wrong, we've had bad days.  One was on Sunday, when my nephew came to stay for the weekend.  I had these romantic visions of him adoring Bea and being like her big brother.     He was quite resentful of her, as he is so used to being with me on his own when he comes to stay... and he gets a lot of 121 attention with his Mum and Dad as they have split up and isn't used to being around smaller children at all.  Anyway, he kept asking when she was going to bed and even asked my IL's to take her home with them.   It really upset me, not least because he kept on crying to go home, and he's never done that in 6 years.  I ended up working really hard trying to please them both, and Bea must have picked up on it, and did nothing but cry when I'd taken him home.  I was at the end of my tether, and left her on the lounge floor and went into the hall and cried...     She crawled to me crying her heart out and I pulled myself together and picked her up and we just cried together.  Oh dear... I felt like the worst mother in the world.  DH came in from work (having done a 12 hr shift)... saw the state of us, ordered me to sit down and took over...    I couldn't do this without him... he's my rock and a fantastic Daddy.

So, that was one of the bad days, but they are few and far between and the good outweigh them tenfold.  I hope I'm not being too gushy... but I never dreamed this journey could end like this.  I am waiting for the bubble to burst and I'm sure the SW thinks I'm covering something dreadful up... lol.  She asks every time if we're sure we're ok and are we sure we don't need any support.. lol.  

Anyway, that's all from me for now.. before you're all being sick in your buckets... lmao.

Andrea... you poor things losing your DD on holiday... every parents nightmare.  Thank God she came back safely to you and she sounds like a very switched on, lovely little girl...  

Love to all... enjoy your babies..., even the older ones !!!

C xx


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## cindyp

Hi All

I thought I might as well come on line whilst I can.  DH is watching the footie.  Don't know how long things will last though cos Junior has another cold   and seems rather unsettled.

Ann, lovely to hear from you, hasn't the two years flown by.  I can't believe your youngest is a "pickle", she was a gourgeous little cuddly thing last time I saw her.  I can understand the   at your eldest going to school, where do our babies go?  I've got Junior for another year, as he's a December baby he doesn't start until September 2008.  I can so relate to your 3 and a half going on 20, I'm sure I've got a teenager not a toddler.  "Nothing" seems to be the phrase of the moment as in "What are you doing?", reply "Nothing" in that semi sulky teenage type voice.  I am slightly concerned at the ability to bend the facts to suit what he wants at the time.  As long as we can keep the vino flowing, we'll be fine   You'll have to let us know if your visiting the folks again so we can arrange another meet.

Carole, lovely to hear of your life with Bea.  Nasty bugs aren't great are they?  I've not been poohed on but I've had the vomit in the hair    I can so sympathise with the waiting for hugs.  DS was really not cuddly when we first had him, he still prefers cuddles to be on his terms and only really wants them when he is tired/poorly.  That's one of the things I'm looking forward to with the new baby as she apparently loves cuddles (which is why I'm using Cuddles as her nickname on the boards  ).  I'm expecting a bit of what you experienced with your nephew when Cuddles comes home with us.  I'm sure the novelty of having a baby sister will wear off and Junior will be asking us to "put her in the bin".  I'm not sure on the review thing the best idea is to have a word with your SW. 

Interruption there, unfortunately as mentioned my DS is suffering from "man flu" or cold to us women.  As he is obviously male he is groaning at every opportunity, asking for everything to be fetched for him and yet perking up at the mention of food or the telly.     Shouldn't joke too much, I do feel sorry for him, he keeps asking "mend my nose".

Went shopping today to buy the main bits, cot, highchair, car seat, steriliser.  Still need to buy clothes, bottles, and other bits and pieces.  Really excited, just hoping Junior's cold gets better soon so it doesn't spoil the intros too much.

love
Cindy


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## Ann

Hi

Now you wont get rid of me  
It has been great today - woke up to loads of snow and we both got a phonecall to say we had the day off   so we had a fab morning in the garden building a snowman and throwing snowballs I am sure the girls were wondering who were the kids in all of this.  We came in to warm up and have Lunch when the doorbell went and it was a guy who is going to do some tree work for us so we were busy chatting to him and when we took him out to the back garden our youngest was happily trying to build a snowman the only problem being she had very little clothing on - her vest and a fleecy top but she had managed to plonk a hat on and a scarf was loosely wrapped around her neck she was in her element and not at all worried about the cold!!!!!!!! we have some photos but it is such a shame we cant share them  
Hope you are all well and have enjoyed the snow if you got it.
Cindy I cant stop thinking about your little girl and how excited you must be - enjoy buying all of the little outfits - I still do - everyone thinks I am mad as I cant resist,  it was only the other day that I had to buy my youngest some new boots and whilst I was in the shop they had 2 pairs a blue and a pink pair and at only £11 each I thought it would be rude not to take both pairs! after all it is very important even at a young age that their shoes match their outfits   my eldest then saw a silver and pink pair of trainers and just looked at me with her big brown eyes and said MUM they are lovely and sparkly do you think I need them!!!!!!!!!!! and only 3 and a half.  My DH tells me that their future husbands will not thank me for their shoe fetish when they are older   I am sure your son will be fine after the initial shock that his new sister is here to stay.
well I am on dinner duty tonight especially since I got 2 hours in bed this afternoon   I nedd to pop out for some chicken!

Chat soon Ann xxxx


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## Barbarella

Thanks Cindy... 

Does Junior join you during the intros?  I wondered how it worked when you already have one (not that I'm thinking about it just yet...).  I can't wait to hear all about it... how long has it taken from matching to intros... it has seemed quick to me, but then I haven't been logging on regularly for a while.

Am so excited for you... 6 months is a wonderful age.  Bea is nearly 11 months now, but still looks 6 months, she's so tiny.

Best of luck, not long to go now...

Love C xx


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## superal

Hi all

We went to see SHAYNE WARD in concert at MEN on Saturday.  DD was so excited and her Mum was a bit to!!

I'm so glad DD is at that age where she is taking an interest in things such as pop stars as I can drag her along to concerts without feeling like an old woman drooling over some one so young and gorgeous.

It was a fab night and DD has asked if we can see him again soon, bless her!

I don't think DH and DS will go next time, DS would rather see the pussycat dolls!!

As for DH I think he would definitely like to see Girls aloud but won't admit it!!

TFN
Andrea
xx


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## magenta

Superal - sounds fantastic (not my kind of music but i am with you on the 'being able to go' thing!) . Our DD is too little for that yet although i did hear some mums at the library talking about taking their littlies to see CBeebies live at the SECC - these kids are only 18 months - how on earth did they get them to sit still My DD wouldn't make it through the car park without wanting to go elsewhere .

Bubbles is doing really well and exceeding our expectations for her development. She is still a 'bit' behind (eg is only just putting words together to make phrases at 22months) but she is in no way the child we saw described in her form E - major delay; eating problems; requires physio etc....

We now have all round approval to apply to the courts and i just can't wait. up here i think we need to wait til 17weeks post placement which is this friday i think...so hopefully we'll get all the reports written etc and get a date this summer. i am soooo desperate to have a baptism and 'legally ours' party for her. i had to stop myself *4 * times (yes...I went back in a further 3 times after deciding first time not to buy it now and tempt fate) from buying her a little white/ivory silk dress in the monsoon sales this january. Goodness knows what I'll be like when we actually get the 'go ahead'.

Life is everything I dreamed it would be and a whole lot as well . We are still keeping an eye out for signs of FASD but nothing seems very obvious to us at this stage which must be a good thing huh?

magenta xx


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## superal

Hi Magenta

I'm doing a diploma in pre school practice at the moment and one of things that is "RAMMED"  into us, is that every child is an individual and they will develop at their own stage.

YES some do progress quicker than others.

Our DD could ride a bike at the age of 3 with no stabilisers BUT she is only just reading and forming letters/sentences and she is 6.

I'm sure with the help and support you are both giving her she will continue to thrive, your doing an excellent job, keep it up.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## saphy75

Hi guys

just thought i pop in here whilst i have got a few mins to spare    

i have been to clarks and bought chunks first pair of proper shoes   they are really cute and have got lights in them which he likes very much    he is struggling walking in them a little though but the sales lady assured me he will get used to them  

sorry no personals i'm really tired and would only get them all confused   

pam xx


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## Pooh bears mummy

awww 1st pair of shoes, how cute?

Did they take a photo for you?

I have now lost count of how many pairs pooh bear has had, there feet grow so quick, but his 1st is a lovley menory to treausure.

Hope he gets use to them soon and you don't have to many bumps.

PBMxx


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## cindyp

Well Junior is asleep upstairs and Cuddles is asleep on her Dad so I thought I could pop on-line.

Magenta, sounds like Bubbles has done so well since she's been with you, you sound so happy.  Bet you can't wait to buy that dress     BTW what does FASD stand for?

Andrea, pop concerts, I hadn't thought about that extra advantage of having a daughter.  

PBM, glad to see you back on line.  I bet your DS looks so cute in his new bed.  Got all those boxes unpacked yet?

Ann, LOL at the idea of your daughters' shoe fetishes. As they are girls, you are morally obliged to teach them to enjoy shopping, no matter what DH thinks   

C, Cuddles is not chubby but she is a big baby, she loves her food, she was nearly 9lb when she was born and is nearly 18lb now.  Bea sounds dainty. 

We had our first review meeting today.  Cuddles SW came all the way from Wales on the train.  She was really pleased with how well Cuddles has settled in.  Because it's so far away she won't come back until the LAC review in March and our SW will continue to do the normal reviews which is fine for us.  Cuddles just gets better and better, I can't believe what an easy baby she is.  She is so laid back, only gets upset if you take too long putting the spoon in her mouth    The only fly in the ointment has been Junior, her coming to live with us has really unsettled him.  He had a major Little Angels /Supernanny tantrum last night because we wouldn't give him an extra biscuit.  Like any toddler he's had tantrums before but they have always been flash in the pan, this time he really got into a state.  It went on for about half an hour and when I held him to try and calm him down he slapped, pinched, bit me.  Also for the first time ever he was given a time out at playgroup today, apparently he had hit other children which is not like him at all.  We know it's because he feels his life is suddenly out of his control and he doesn't know how to handle things so he is lashing out.  Fortunately he hasn't directed any of this anger towards Cuddles and is often nice to her, it's mainly directed at us.  We just have to be patient and help him work through it but it ain't going to be easy  .

That said it is really great having the two of them and we feel our family is complete.

love to all
Cindy


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## Pooh bears mummy

Morning Cindy,

Pooh bear sends junior a big hug. I am sure he will be very happy to be a big brother soon.

TTFN PBMxxx


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## magenta

Sending a huge big hug to CindyP and another one for Junior who is obviously unsettled by getting a baby sister.

Not sure what you can do to help other than just 'ride out' the storm until he becomes used to the idea and feels happy that he is still your special boy even though he has a sibling now.  I know friends with birthkids have just had to weather it out for 3 - 6 months with their older kids until it all becomes 'normal'.

FASD stands for Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders.  it is the wide range of physical and behavioural disorders found in children whose mothers drank in pregancy.  We know BM drank so we know to kep an eye out at this early stage in case we need extra help later on.

Anyway - better go as we have a hairdresser coming around in an hour to try to cut Bubbles' hair (this could be interesting )

magenta xx


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## Ruthiebabe

Hi,

haven't posted on here before....don't know how i missed it till now.

anyway we had Boo's adoption party on saturday....it was really lovely. I had asked that people didn't bring presents as his b'day is just before christmas and so he has loads of new stuff, but we came home with a car load! I'm not really complaining.....but need another extension to house it all.

he's also into his first week of no-nappys at bed time, which was a bit stressful. I was keen, but not anxious about it, but he really didn't want to wear them anymore, even though he hasn't had a long spell of dry nights. But anyway so far so good. One word of advice though, which is probably somehtign you all knew anyway, but don't go for the "waking and taking them to the loo when you go to bed" approach. I know that's what my parents did and i've no memories of any ill effects. But Boo......oh my gawd! does not like to be woken up to go to the loo! He turned into a little psycho! When he firstt moved in with us he shouted at me every now and then. but hasn't doen so in a long time, but he was really angry when i woke him up.....never again. 

anyways, its another chapter for my bad-mother handbook! 

Cindy, i hope junior is getting more used to his little sis.....have you tried to make a window of time that is just for you and him? Not sure how that is always physically possible with cuddles about?? I guess otherwise you just have to be really firm and consistent with him. any violence in our house is a straight "do not pass go do not collect £200 pounds" 2 minutes on the bottom step of the stairs. Playful roughness gets a warning, but if it happens again (in the same time span) its the same. Its somethign we felt we have to do as Boo is a big strong boy and his past might lead to him having lots of anger as he becomes more aware of his past.  

anyway hope all is well with everyone else,

xxruthie


----------



## cindyp

Hi Ruthie, welcome back.  Congratulations on Boo's dry nights, we're dry in the day but haven't tackled the nights yet.  LOL at the toys thing, we are building an extension this year and boy will we need it for two lots of toys  
We are giving Junior lots of individual time as it is very unsettling for him.  Violence is a no-no in our house too which is normally followed by time on the "naughty step".  We're not using the step at the moment because it is in the hallway and we don't want to make him feel more alienated by physically removing him from our presence as we normally do.  Current disicipline is in the form of withdrawal of toys and privileges.  Things are improving already and I'm pretty sure it's just a matter of time.  He's had our undivided attention for two years and it's a major shock having to share it, like Magenta says we just have to weather out the storm.

Magenta, FASD, I'm perfectly familiar with the phrase but was just too thick to recognise the acronym    It's something we had to be aware of because Junior's BM also drank.  Hope Bubbles was good for the hairdresser.  I usually have to sit Junior on my lap when we visit our hairdresser. 

We're still trying to sort out a routine with two children, having a baby is a bit of a culture shock.  Junior normally tells us when he is hungry/thirsty/tired.  We are learning to interpret Cuddles moods/cries and my DH has never been any good at foreign languages  

Hope everyone else is well.

love
Cindy


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Cindy,

Just seen you are on line so wanted to say Hi. So glad junior is settling down, i am sure he will be just fine.

We have had a little set back with pooh bear. He decided too get out of bed in the morning before we are up and get up to mischief in his room. Yesterdays antics involved sudocream on the walls and his bed. When i went in and saw the mess he said he was just putting cream on Teddy's bottom. He was put on the naught chair. Then put back in his bed with his milk and told not to get up without asking. Hear a noise and sent DH in who found 2 ripped pages of his favortie thomas book!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I was very cross and so said he had to go back in a cot till he learned to stay in his bed in the morning till mummy and daddy come in. Put cot up yesterday and he slept in it last night. He did ask to get out this am so i gave him lots of praise. Will keep this up for a week or so then try him back in a bed.

He is staying at my sister tonight as she is minding him today and tomorrow, it feels really strange not having him here?  We miss him sooooooooooooooo much even when he is driving me to distraction.

TTFN PBMxxxx


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi,

little boys are little monkeys alright!  we had trouble with boo in the mornings coming in whenever he woke up to wake us up. it would end up being a bit of a battle getting him back to bed, so one of my friends suggested getitng him an alarm clock. He can pop out to the loo (although he didn't bother last night!  ) and play with his toys, but isn't supposed to come into our room or make too much noise until the alarm goes off. It took a few days to get used to but seems to be working alright. This way it seems to make  more sense to him?? 

cindy glad junior is getting used to his little sis. 

xxruthie


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Ruth,

Thanks for the tip. May try that. A friend of mine surgested a bell of some sort that he could press to make it fun, rather than just having to shout us. Will see how he goes. still in his cot but may try him in his bed again at weekend.

PBMxx


----------



## cindyp

PBM, you look at his little face and you wouldn't believe your little Pooh Bear would be capable of anything like that.  That's the problem with these boys, they look like little angels and behave like little devils    We were given the New Toddler Taming book for Xmas and the Health Visitor mentioned it on Tuesday so I think I ought to start reading it and get some tips.

Ruth, my friend used to use the alarm clock technique.  We don't have too much of a problem with Junior waking too early but it might be something to consider in the future.

Junior has got better although there has still been the odd tantrum when he hasn't been able to get his own way.  He is quite good with Cuddles, he obviously likes her.  When we took him to playgroup this morning he poked his head in her pram to say goodbye and also said "love you" which I thought was really sweet.  Unfortunately being young himself he doesn't always realise that some of his actions aren't suitable around a young baby, like waving his toys around a bit too close to her head.

Cuddles is beginning to show her character more.  At first glance she seems quite placid but really she has quite a strong character.  She is fairly laid back until she feels she is missing out on something, especially food    We've got to do the controlled crying thing but we are not ready yet.  We have given in and let her sleep with us where she will happily sleep all night.  We are determined that she will spend more than one hour in her cot but will do it when we are more rested.  She loves physical contact and I must admit it feels really nice when she is running her hands over my face.

Had a bit of a setback.  When I had Junior work just gave me the time off so I didn't have official Adoption Leave.  This time I had to sign off on Adoption leave and misread the Adoption Pay rules.  I thought it was 90% of your pay at the beginning like SMP but it's only £105 per week.  Unfortunately I'm the main breadwinner so we can't afford for me to drop my money that much so I will need to go back to work sooner rather than later.  At least it is only two days a week so it won't be too bad and the kids will be with their Dad on that day.  I still think it is unfair that it is less than SMP.

BTW are any of you planning to go to the FF event in March?

love
Cindy


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Cindy,

Glad junior is settling into being big brother. We were round at Poohbears FC the other day, she has a baby 4 months and he was kissing her head, sooooooooooo sweet, but just the same with toys eeeeeeeeeeeek!! I kept holding my breath. No seen info on meet, will go and have a look?

Shame about work and pay etc.

Chat soon.

PBMxxx


----------



## Old Timer

Hi ladies
Sorry for butting in here, hope you don't mind that I read this thread every so often, its nice to hear how you are all doing.

Cindy, my question is really for you!  We have been having a bit of conflicting info regarding me and work after having children placed.  One SW said we could get financial help to enable me to take a year off and then all being well go back part time, no mention that this would increase the likelihood of being looked upon negatively by childrens SWs.  Then at our first home study/form filling meeting this week our SW said that it would be looked upon negatively and that we wouldn't be considered for younger children.  I am annoyed at this and just wondered whether you had had any problems about going back to work, am guessing that as you have Cuddles your LA is either more realistic or you didn't tell them of your plans to return to work?

Love
OT x


----------



## KarenM

Hi OT

We were open at the outset about our plans for time off work.  I am the major wage earner and with the savings we had we could only afford for me to take 5 months off.  This wasn't acceptable to SS given that our two had resided in separate forster homes.  So they deciced to pay me the difference between SAP and 90% of my salary and allowed me to stay off for a further 12 weeks.  My youngest was 13 months when placed.

Hope this helps.

Karen x


----------



## KarenM

PBM - our eldest had a thing for kicking hell out of her bed at night to get attention and get us back upstairs to her. In the end we set up a naughty box downstairs and said that Mummy and Daddy would only come upstairs when they came to bed (although we would go back up too if she was ill or clearly distressed, or now its sleep walking) if she did not settle down a toy would go in her box. If she got a toy in her box the next night we would say to her that if she was good and went straight to sleep she would get her toy back. Worked a treat for us.

Cindy - Adoption Pay guidance is attached. Some employers for fairness pay the same as maternity and even provide the same benefits as their company schemes (some offer more than the statutory minimum)

http://www.dti.gov.uk/files/file16622.pdf

Glad to hear that Junior is getting used to having Cuddles around. It is ahow quickly a bond builds up between children.

Ruth - glad Boo's party went well. You will always find you get far more things for them than you have room for. We were quite ruthless before Christmas in sorting out their toys and they agreed to give the ones they didn't play with to nursery or to a friends child.

Not much going on here. Girls are excited about our forthcoming holiday as all the family are coming. Work is really busy, but I am still job hunting and have a second interview on Tuesday. Other than that trying desparately to get my last assignment finished so I can concentrate on my dissertation.

Bye for now
Karen x


----------



## cindyp

OT, in answer to your question my working is not an issues because DH is at home.  We both work part time and have done since we had Junior (me 2 days, him 3 days) so there is always one of us at home which is sufficient for SW's purposes.  I was just annoyed because we were looking forward to having 6 weeks together at home to settle Cuddles in.  However she has settled so well it has not been an issue my return to work and considering the mess things have got with me just being away 3 weeks I'm glad I returned early  

Karen, thanks for the info.  Good luck for the interview on Tuesday and congratulations on the weight loss, you are obviously doing really well.  Have the girls actually started planning their packing?   

love to everyone.

Cindy


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies
Karen & Cindy, thanks for your input, sorry not to have posted sooner but I did read them.  As it turned out the following week our SW was very happy with our plans of me taking a year off and then going back part time with childcare help from Grandparents mainly.

Hope everyone is OK, all a bit quiet on here lately and I do love reading how you are all getting on.
Love
OT x


----------



## naoise

Hi girls

I think it should be OK for me to post here now as I am about to be a mummy for three, our intros are going really well. N comes to live with us tomorrow just one more sleep to go. 

The only fly in the ointment is that N is very attached to DH, she kisses and hugs him all the time, and I don't seem to get to many. I know this has something to do with attachment, I think I am going to have to read my A Child's Journey through Placement to see what we can do about it. We don't want to put her off and seem cold but we also don't want to encourage her to be like that with every male that comes to visit. It seems so long since our prep course where we covered things like this and I can't remember how to deal with it. I am sure we will get through it I have already spoken to our sw about it and hopefully she can help us out. I had better go as dh is coming home and is really hungry apparently.

Love K


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## magenta

naoise said:


> The only fly in the ointment is that N is very attached to DH, she kisses and hugs him all the time, and I don't seem to get to many. I know this has something to do with attachment, I think I am going to have to read my A Child's Journey through Placement to see what we can do about it. We don't want to put her off and seem cold but we also don't want to encourage her to be like that with every male that comes to visit."
> 
> Firstly - congratulations on becoming a mum!
> 
> Our DD was very attached to DH when we first got her (aged 19months) and what we did was just to have no visitors for the first three weeks and give her equal hugs/love/attention and we both took turn about at good and bad things - like bedtimes and nappy changes. then we were both equally 'nice' to her. by acting together it really seemed to help. I think keeping it just us three for as long as we could we a big thing as it helped us to all come to terms with 'us' as a family. i know that isn't right or, indeed even, and option for all but it worked for us. She was still a bit 'floosie' with the male sw who visited after 2 weeks but because she was checking with us and taking cues from us both he was happy that she was attached and thought it just showed friendliness and a preference for men.
> 
> She still has a tendancy (more than her peers) to happily go and play with other mums and dads at groups if they are playing with a toy she likes or to go randomly go up to anyone in a room and ask for help with something if she can't see me straight away or i don't jump to attention straight away. not sure if it is attachment thing but I reckon it is part of her 'understanding' of being passed to different main carers, nurses etc whilst very very little. BTW - although DH bonded within a few weeks it took me nearly 4 months to fully bond with DD despite me being at home. I think it can be hard when you get a fully functioning person rather than a tiny baby to look after, care for and discipline 24/7.
> 
> magenta xx


----------



## cindyp

Naoise, so glad the intros are going well.  Hope your SW is helping you with a strategy for N.  Like Bubbles, it took Junior a lot longer to bond with me than it did for him to bond with DH.

We've had a setback with Junior.  Think it has been caused with both children being ill at the same time.  Cuddles has had a nasty tummy virus, couldn't keep anything down for 5 days.  Fortunately the doctor gave us something that seems to have done the trick although now she has caught conjunctivitis off Junior.  Junior has also been ill with a nasty cold virus and conjunctivitis.  DH and I are both shattered as everyone's sleep has been disturbed.  We've been sleeping with the kids to deal with them at night and have been taking it in turns between which child we have.

Unfortunately although Junior has been ill he has still had sufficient energy to really act up.  It's really wearing when you are getting no sleep and trying to cope with a crying ill baby.  As they said two children is more than double the trouble.  We've asked someone from the After Adoption Support team to come out and give us some tips on how to deal with the situation as none of the HV's tips seem to be working.  Cuddles arrival and Junior's response has highlighted some behaviour which we had previously dismissed as normal toddler behaviour but now have some doubts about.  This behaviour was always there to some degree but it was always quite manageable and it was never something shown to anybody else other than us his parents.  Before things escalate we want to get some advice to be sure there is no underlying issues that we need to be concerned about.  We love him to bits and want to to do anything possible to help him to be a happy, settled, well adjusted little boy.

Hope everyone is having a good Easter. Unfortunately we have had to quarrantine ourselves due to the conjuntivitis but both kids are having a nap so I thought I could pop on-line.

love
Cindy


----------



## everhopeful

Hi there

Haven't posted on this board before, so hope you don't mind me popping in unannounced?!! By that's a big word for first thing on a Monday morning!! LOL
Hope everyone's having a lovely Easter break. 

Cindy, sorry to hear your littlies have been poorly. It's typical that everything happens at the same time. Hope you get some normality back soon!

Nothing much to report here. We lost our sw (due to cutbacks!)  so awaiting a phonecall or email to hear if and when we'll be re-starting the process for #2. Frustrating but I'm getting used to it now! About to write letterbox for second time, a little more nervous this time round, as the recipients have moved into the vacinity  - how very inconciderant of them!!!

We keep getting asked about if we're planning any hols this year, and let's face it, who wouldn't want to? I'd love to! But with restrictions on dh's holidays, we're reluctant to use them up, in the hope of a possible approval and match later in year. I'd forgotten actually how time-stopping this process can be, we tend to put everything on hold "just in case".
Anyway when the garden is sorted I can at least imagine I'm in an exotic tranquil place!! Better get some practice in on that vision, gosh I'd need some!! LOL  

Bye for now
Ever and everjnr x


----------



## magenta

Hi everyone,

Well we did it...we took Bubbles to her first historical re-enactment/living history weekend.  We were really wary as she has no concept of 'real' danger - fire/knives/drowning etc and it would be a whole new environment, new people, new rules and staying away from home too.  But we did it and she had a fantastic time and even liked wearing her little linen shift and wool dress.  the only 'problem' was getting her to drink from a horn tumbler instead of a sippy cup (she is still a bit behind in getting used to open cups)  - she kept spilling her juice all over herself!

I found it very tiring but it was lovely to go to something we have loved doing pre-child and do it 'with child'.  I even got to have a glass or 5 of wine and an evening with my hubby whist we listened to her sleeping via the baby monitor.

She was soooo well behaved and all my hard work of playing 'stop' and 'go' with 'Bubbles' in the park and on our walks paid off and 8 times out of 10 she stopped when I said stop and it saved a lot of safety worries - and she thought it was still a game. 

magenta xx


----------



## superal

Magenta - i love reading your stories about bubbles and I'm glad you had a fantastic weekend.

Cindy - glad things are OK with your 2, hope youv'e caught up on some sleep recently.


Well I popped on this board to see how every one was and now I'm going to do a bit of a "me" post or rather DD post.

Today we had a follow up appointment on her eye sight, she had to have the dreaded eye drops again, they help make the pupil dilate and they sting!  Well the consultant asked yet again at how many weeks was she born.......blank expression form my DH,............I pipe up she was 6 weeks premature, right the consultant says and how long was she is SCBU & what weight was she..............blank expression from me...............DD turns around, who is now 6, and says I'm adopted! ............Oh says the consultant..................big smiles form me & my DH and the consultant asks no more questions about her birth!!  PHEW!

We are waiting at the moment for another appointment to come through for her and I don't want to say to much BUT my DH is worried, I'm trying not to think about it.

I'll post more about this when I know more BUT I wanted to share the bit about DD telling the consultant she was adopted as it made us smile that the consultant just did not know what to say.
Kids are wonderful!

Love Andrea
xx


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Andrea,

So good to read about DD telling the Dr. Nice one.  

I hope your worries are unfounded about next appointment.

TTFN

PBMxx


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## cindyp

Andrea, ditto what PBM has said.  Nice one about DD piping in and hope your fears are unfounded.

Ever, they say that when you give birth you forget how painful it is and get pg again.  I think it is the same with adopting.  You adopt your first and you forget how frustrating the process was until you try again.  Hang in there, it will be worth it.

Magenta, congrats on having a nice weekend with Bubbles doing pre-child stuff.  It's a good feeling to know that not everything in your life has to end just because you are now a Mum.

Can't believe that it has now been 20 days since neither of my children have been ill.  Junior is OK now, his antibiotics have cleared up his chest infection but Cuddles still has a nasty cough.  The doctor says her chest is clear but unfortunately that doesn't stop her from waking up every two hours with a coughing fit.  It's been almost three weeks since she became ill with the first vomiting bug and it has just been one thing after the other.  Fortunately she seems happier in herself, just waiting for her to be fully recovered so we can get some sleep.  We've been taking it in turns to sleep with her with the other person sleeping on the sofa bed.  I'm hoping I will still recognise DH when I next see him with no clothes on   

Unfortunately this is one of the disadvantages of two, especially when one is at nursery/playgroup, they just bounce the bugs between each other.  Still wouldn't change a thing for the world as she is beautiful (especially now she's stopped vomiting over me and started smiling again  ).

Hope all the other Mums are well.

love
Cindy

PS, it's my turn on the sofabed which is why I felt I could stay up late and come on line.  Ah, how sad is that describing 10.20 as staying up late!!


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## saphy75

Cindy   at 10:20 being late, but i know what you mean we are usually in bed for 10 these days    except on a weekend then sometimes we stay up until gone 11  

pam xx


----------



## naoise

Magenta thanks for the words of advice it is really great to know that someone knows what I am talking about. N has now improved with the kissing, she gives me hugs and kisses and tells me she loves me. Of course when she says this I turn into jelly . So I think we have turned a corner with her.

Cindy I know what you mean about going to bed early we go to bed about 10.00pm these days we are exhausted we just seem to be running around all the time and making up furniture.We are going to be expert furniture maker uppers by the end of it all. Hope the children are well.

Superal well done to your dd for speaking up I'm sure the doc. was impressed.

Well I am off for a very early lunch with a friend N gets out of school at 1pm so must dash

Love k


----------



## KarenM

Hi everyone

Glad to see that everyone is having lots of positive experiences with their little ones at the moment.  I am off this week to make up for the fact that we were away this weekend and Rich is having the day off tomorrow too.

It was really weird to be without the girls but very enjoyable to have some quality time on our own.  Was really gratefdul of the big hugs on Tuesday morning when they woke, but paying for it now as they are getting their own back by being mischevous.

Lol at those off for an early night.  We go to bed much later now as by the time we have got the girls to bed, got our tea and relaxed it is normally between 11 and 12.

Off to catch up with the rest of the board

TTFN
Karen x


----------



## cindyp

Hi All

I'm taking advantage of the electronic babysitter (Thomas the Tank Engine) to come on line whilst I still have some energy  

Karen, glad you had a nice time away.  It does fell weird doesn't it without the kids but as you say it is nice to have some time to yourselves.

Unfortunately we've had a tough old time with Junior. Although he is good with Cuddles, his behaviour with us has not been good since her arrival.  Some of his aggressive behaviour which we thought we'd eradicated has resurfaced since her arrival.  Being insecure at the arrival of a new sibling is perfectly natural but some of his methods of demonstrating that insecurity are not.  He's also regressed in some matters such as becoming more attached to DH than me.  He started off being really attached to DH when he was first placed but I didn't rush him and we managed to build a good bond together.  Unfortunately Cuddles arrival has upset the balance again.  We asked Adoption Support for some tips and a very nice lady came to see us.  Having discussed his behaviour as it is now and has been over the last two years she feels that it may indicate signs of an attachment disorder.  Although not extreme she thinks it would do us good to have some counselling over the next 3 months.  A lot of the things she said have made past events a lot easier to understand, eg trying to remember that I was his 3rd Mum in less than 18 months.  We really want our little boy to be happy most of the time not just some of the time and hopefully she can help us do that.

Hope everyone is enjoying this warm weather with your kids.

love
Cindy


----------



## ebonie

Please can i ask how do i get the password for the chat room !! I am new to this site and i have adopted a little boy hes been with us for two yrs in may and now we have decided we are goin to have another try at infertility treatment and id like to speak to more people that are in my situation hugs ebonie xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## saphy75

hi ebonie, welcome to ff, the password for he chat room is the same password you use to sign into the site. what treatment are you going to be having as we have several boards including cycle buddies, ivf, icsi and iui boards. if you need any help navigating the site just yell and i'm sure someone will be more than happy to help you

pam xx


----------



## keemjay

hi guys
ooh soon i'll be able to post on here legitimally 

just had a question for those who've adopted quite little ones..what sort of puschair did you get? in several of the books i've read it meantions having one where the seat can face you so the child can see your face and learn to read your expressions as it has lots of catching up to do regarding learning who you are. did any of you get a pushchair like this? 
because our little one is over a year she cant go in the little carrytot car seat size ones, so i'm looking for one with a pushchair seat which will go front and rear facing because obviously she'll want to look out some of the time (dont want to force her to look at me all the time ) this I'm finding is a tall order in the pushchair world and its going to cost us far more than we anticipated. so just wondered whether its really worth doing or not, wondered what others had done? we do quite a bit of walking so we would prob get the use out of it at least for a few months till she's bored of our ugly mugs lol
thoughts/musings appreciated 
thanks
kj x


----------



## magenta

Keemjay - we just got a forward facing maclaren triumph stroller because we were told by foster parents she prefered to look out rather than look at them.  i would have liked rear facing but we decided against after meeting her and seeing her in her old pushchair - she is definately one of life's explorers and would have been turning round all the time to see out.  

Might be worth finding out what type she prefers and then deciding.  if she is small enough(and you are strong enough) i woud try a sling / front baby carrier to carry her around.  many adoptive mums i know swear by this.  bubbles was too big (19months) and i carried her on my hip but if you can manage it, it is supposed to really help and you can carry them around whilst you do shopping etc rather than take the buggy.

magenta x


----------



## KarenM

KJ

Sorry can't help with the pushchair as needed a double one. I can recommend www.kiddicare.com they are very good vale and their delivery and service was excellent, especially as you need the things quickly. We looked in the shops first and then ordered from there.

Good luck
Karen x

 This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.UK or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


----------



## everhopeful

Hi all

Just thought I'd post an update, well nothing really to report as such. We know that we're likely to be waiting at least another month before getting our application form and a new SW, and I'm at the moment struggling quite a bit with our second letterbox contact. I've posted my letters yesterday but it's been on my mind a lot since we found out that bfamily have moved into the area and we've still be forced to send pic. Sooooo stressful!

Anyway, on the pushchair business..... I can only say that I wouldn't recommend a "Chicco". That's what we bought before DD came and she never could sit up properly in it. There just wasn't the support in the back for her posture. Haven't been lucky enough to road-test any prams though so can't comment there! Good luck! I know it's a minefield out there, when you've seen one pushchair they all merge into one!!!  

Bye for now

xx


----------



## superal

Hi ever

I know its hard to send letters and photos to the birth family, all I can is choose one that is not to identifying if that makes sense.  I know they have moved close by to you so one with a local landmark in the background would not be a good idea.

You have my full sympathy when it comes to letters, as although we agree to do them, they are a constant reminder that our children are adopted and until you have to do these letters you don't feel that way.  or is it just me?  I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to say.

Good luck
Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## everhopeful

HI Andrea

Yes I fully understand what you're meaning. I am totally in awe of our daughter and 99.9% of the time, it doesn't occur to me that she's not always been with us. And like you say, the letterbox is a frank reminder of their past. And for all the months that fly by when we so easily forget they are adopted, it comes as a nasty interuption to our otherwise carefree life. 
I will be bracing myself each morning for the post until we've had the letter in return. Once that's out of the way, we can carry on as before and not go there for a while.

This has opened my eyes to a different perspective on letterbox contact. And to be honest although I fully agree with the reasons behind it, if we'd known 2 years ago what we know now, we would've done things differently. And probably will look at it differently with next process. 

Anyway, we're cracking on with home improvements to keep us busy until we hear from SS !

Bye for now

Ever x


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Ever,

I know what you mean about the letter box,we are due to do ours and so when I can't sleep and i am layed in bed it keeps running though my mind what to write etc. Also i am not sure how or where to send it as the 1st one we just gave to the SW? I was hoping for a reminder with some instructionsin the post but this has not happened and we said we would do the 2nd letter in March? so i will have to contact SS myself and get it done as i have had it on my mind now for the past 2 months and to be honest just want it out of the way. We did not get a reply 1st time around so am not expecting one this time.

We go on our prep day for number 2 the week after next, do you have to go on any sort of day? Can I ask, have you started talking about adoption to you daughter, I know she is a bit older than pooh bear, he is 32 months and so far I have just chatted about when he use to live with Auntie X, his foster carer was we go and visit her quite often. I have not go his life story book out. I though it might naturally happen when we adopt again as he will be 3 to 4 then. 

Chat soon

PBMxx


----------



## Barbarella

I did a very long update and cyber space ate it... so haven't got time to do another one now...    

C xx


----------



## KarenM

Hi Everyone

We have now done 5 contact letters (we don't do photos) and have never had a reply to any of them.  We were told by the SW that if this was the case to minimise what we say each time.  It is hard because you don't want to rub their noses in it either.

PBM - we normally send ours to "Adoption Contact" at our LA, we get no reminder though so like you it tends to be a bit late.  

Andrea - I also hate the way it reminds you that they are adopted, so you are not alne there.

TTFN off to the quiz!

Karen x


----------



## saphy75

I don't have to do my first contact letter until september, i have no idea what i'll write and i'm dreading it. the worst part is the bm didn't want any contact and ss talked her into it. so very doubtfull if she will even pick the letters up let alone reply   like you all said it's just another reminder our babies are adopted 

pam xx


----------



## cindyp

I've done 3 contact letters for Junior and have received replies and photos back.  Cuddles BM is not interested in contact letters but we had to agree with SS that she will be sent a letter once a year.  I don't find Junior's too bad to do having met BM but I think it will be strange doing Cuddles' letter to a person I have little info on.

Mandy, hope the prep course goes well, must get together again before my daughter is walking  

Ever, hope the 2nd process goes as quickly/smoothly as ours did.

love to everyone.

Cindy


----------



## everhopeful

Hi PBM  
Yes we have to do the prep course again although we don't know when that'll be yet.
Our DD has always known she's adopted. I've talked to her about it since she came (it was my way of easing myself into it gently, when she was young enough not to ask questions!). She knows that when she was a baby she grew in X's tummy, and then went to live with Z (her foster parents, who she remembers). I tell her that a special lady helped us find a baby girl, and that's when she came home and we became her new Mummy & Daddy!
oooh at this point I could cry! It's 2 years as yesterday that we first met her, and all those special memories are coming back!!!

She knows that we're hoping another special lady (or man) will help us find another baby girl or boy to come and live with us. She says she wants to call them Charlie and Lola (TV characters!!) !!!  
She quite often talks about "when she's a little baby again", and to me it's as though she realises she wasn't with us at that time, and wants to re-live it. I suppose it's part of the regression stage. 

Hope your prep day goes ok. You're old pro's at this now (should be easy!?!)

Letterbox - I'd post your letter to the relevant agency attention of "Letterbox contact" if you don't have a contact name. We've never had a reminder.

We received a reply last year from BP and I'm not looking forward to this next one coming. Sooner it's out of the way, the better for me!

Hi everyone!  

No more news at this end. Hoping to hear something early June. We're upto our necks in decorating at the moment and I suppose now we've got an incentive to work towards, it is helping to spur us on, but it's not pursuading me to like it any more than usual!!!
Rain rain go away! OMG, I thought it'd never stop! Let's hope all this talk of long hot summer is true. 
Right I'd better make a start on the tea!

Bye for now!

x


----------



## superal

I think we should have started a separate thread on here about contact letters......what do you think??

I know longer do them for DS as his BM did not want them in the first place and when i queried it with SS they decided I could stop doing them so I have not done them for 2 years now.

With DD BPS, I am due to do one in June BUT her family has done a bunk as my DH would say.  They have not told SS where they have gone to and it was around this time last year that I was getting my hopes up about having another baby placed with us.  The last time the family did a bunk was because they were expecting our DD and they fled SS we thought this might be the case again BUT we have had no news & i am waiting to find out if we have to do a letter for this year.

Hope everyone is OK.

Pam - first contact letters are always the hardest & the fact that your BM said she didn't want contact is even harder.  All you can do is say how well he is, how much he is loved and how much you thank her for giving you this wonderful opportunity to be his Mum.  Ask your SW if the situation could be reviewed in a few years time and at least your little boy knew you did all you can to let his BM know how he was.

It is a painfull reminder that our lovely children are adopted and one that we have to live with.  Once the letters are gone we just get on with our lives, I know they are an important part of our children's "history"/"background" but it does not make it any easier!

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## everhopeful

Morning all!

Thanks Pam, I was thinking the same as you..... I will start new thread now....

"Adoption contact".....

Bye for now 

x


----------



## superal

Hi ever.............I don't mind you calling me Pam, it was my idea to start a new thread but if you want to confuse me with Pam that's fine!  She's younger than me, most probally slimmer than me.......need I go on!! 
Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## saphy75

Andrea i bet i'm not slimer than you hun i'm a size 16/18    

pam xx


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## everhopeful

WHOOOPS!!!!!   

Very sorry Andrea, and Pam!!!!


----------



## superal

OK Pam so your not slimmer than me..I'm a size 12 bottom, 14 top.

Your still younger than me.

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## Barbarella

Hi Everyone

I must be in the minority, because I really don't mind that Bea is adopted.  I forget she is like everyone else, but the fact she's adopted makes her all the more special to me (not that you don't all feel the same way... just trying to explain how I feel...).  I just love that she's adopted... although I look at her and can't believe someone else gave birth to her...  but it's a part of her and her character and I wouldn't change that for the world. 

Maybe I will feel differently when I have to do contact letters, but actually I'm quite looking forward to it...     I must be mad...!!  I just with BF would be a bit more forthcoming in giving us what we need to complete her life story book... that's making me really   at the moment!!!  They say they won't provide her if they can't see her... so that's that so it seems.

Anyway, will do a quick update after my last attempt.  Bea is absolutely wonderful, progressing so well and walking all the time now... no more crawling.  She is very bright, sociable and confident and we're extremely lucky.  She can say quite a few words and makes us laugh all the time.  Today she pointed at my boob as I got out the shower and said "ball"... lmao.  I call her a little monkey and she goes "oooh oooh oooh" while pointing her hands somewhere near her armpits... lol.  She knows a snake goes "sssssss", a doggie goes "woo woo" and a lion goes "raaarrrr".... lol.  

She has a penchant for taking my knickers out the laundry basket and putting them on her head, and she knows full well she's not allowed near the tv, so she looks at us, puts one finger on the stand and then laughs.  What can you do eh?

Anyway, we are so looking forward to her final court hearing when she can take our surname and no more justifying ourselves to any social workers...!!! 

Lovely to catch up on all the posts here, and to be apart of it... it's a wonderful feeling.

Love C xx


----------



## saphy75

Hi Barbarella

It's not that i mind my ds is adopted because if that were a problem i would never have adopted in the first place   it's just that sometimes i feel it doesn't need ramming down my throat (if you know what i mean) also i am ashamed to say some times i feel jealousy towards the BP as they had this beautiful baby boy and didn't want him, also i feel sad and like i have let him down in some ways by not being his biological mother. i know all these feelings are stupid and i didn't expect to feel them but i love my son so much i just want to protect him from the rejection he may feel as he grows up and i can't all i can do is try to help him through it. I sound like a right   now don't I ? I don't always feel this way just some times it doesn't affect my every thought or anything and i would never say anything bad to my ds about his adoption. I would not change my ds for the world either

I hope this makes some sense   as i'm not very good at expressing myself in writing   

pam xx

P.s i agree about adoption making our babes more special


----------



## Barbarella

Oh no Pam, I know that hon... I didn't mean to imply anyone had any problems with adoption - just providing my way of looking at it... and how I feel.  

As I said, early days for me, and I might get fed up with the letter contact yet... just that so far, the adoption side of things hasn't bothered me...     

And you have certainly not let your gorgeous DS down... on the contrary, you have made his life.

We can't help the way we feel though can we....

Take care,
C xx


----------



## saphy75

Hi guys, hope you are all well   sorry it's been a while since i posted   nothing much been going on really  

we went to little mans FC's (foster carers) wedding on sat and it was a lovely day. ds looked very smart in his little suit and was very good through the service (although i admit to bribing him with whits choc buttons)   he did shout out a few times but thats to be expected really.   he had lots of fuss from people who haven't seen him for over a year and even more fuss from his FC's and had a few special photos taken with them (one of which he was giving his FM a big sloppy kiss, which was lovely) also i was talking to FC's teenage daughter and she was swallowing helium out of the balloons, it was hilarious and of course i had to have a go    we sounded like smurfs. all in all we had a lovely day and didn't get home until gone 9 o'clock  

anyway enough of my waffle

pam xx


----------



## superal

sounds as though you had a wonderful time Pam, laughed at the balloon thing!!

We are all OK, DD made me smile when she said my Gran was now a bright star in the sky.  She did not go tot he funeral, I thought she was to young and didn't want her last memory of my Gran to be that of a wooden box being lowed into the ground.  DS did come and looked so smart, he wore his suit that we bought him & he looked so grown up, my Mum passed comment that my Gran would have said "by heck you scrub up well!"

We were joking at the "celebration" afterwards about our own funerals and what we would like.........you have to laugh or you would cry.

My brother in law said he didn't want any fuss, he did not want a gown on in the coffin, just his shorts, t-shirt, flip flops and some factor 8 on.........as quick as a flash I said "why are you being cremated?".......see what I mean about laughing and not crying.

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## saphy75

Awww Andrea that was such a lovely thing for your dd to say. as for laughing i know what you mean hun even the vicar cracked a couple of jokes at my dads funeral, it's good to smile and remember the good things about passed loved onees and i'm sure your Gran would be so proud of you all still managing to smile on a sad occasion  

pam xx


----------



## casey

Hi girls 
can I join you now? tiger has been with us since sunday. I know it is early days but i do find some things difficult, which has come as a shock as I am usually the calm collected one when it comes to kids. 

tiger is definitely more inclined to go to dh, and he seems to 'test' me more. he was sooo attached to his female foster carer I guess its going to be the long haul for me. And - dare I say it - he does seem a bit spoiled or babyish is maybe a beyyer way of putting it - i don't know if he's regressed given everything he has been thru this week and as I said it is very early on to make judgements. Another thing is he keeps hitting dd - is this normal 2 yr old stuff - i don't know   He is a lovely little boy too and he's not really naughty eg temper tantrums and stuff - just defiant and a bit off towards me, and a bit sneaky and testing the boundaries - i can't remember it being like this with dd ( or am I wrong to compare )

Sorry if i sound a bit pessimistic - maybe i feel a bit shell shocked because verything happened so fast for us and we are at the ned of a long week 
bye for now caseyxx


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Casey,

Tigger sounds just like pooh bear and very like any 2 year old especially after so much change this week. I am sure in time it will all calm down. It is a real shock to the system, but that to will get easier, the good days will become more and the bad days fewer, but still there from time to time.

Big hugs to you and you family.x


----------



## saphy75

hiya

well i set this thread up ages ago and i'm embarrassed to say i haven't been posting on it for a long while   so here goes

Ds is now almost 19 months old and what a handfull he can be    he has begun to rock is cot all around the room and even managed to get it over to his wardrobe and play opening and closing doors   soooooo we have been and bought him a bed    it's a nice little low bed and dh has put a couple of rails across the sides to stop him falling out of it. last night was his first night in the new baed and we expected trouble, but no, we put him to bed and that was it he went straight to sleep   he did wake at 5 am though and i had to go settle him although he didn't get out of bed until 7ish then he came running through to our room    

any ways what are you all up to ?

take care, pam xx


----------



## superal

Hi Pam

I can not believe that your little man is 19 months old already, where has the time gone??

My DD is now 7!!

When we moved her out of her cot we bought a toddler bed from Argos it wasn't expensive and did the trick, she's now in a cabin bed and has her eye on DS high sleeper bed as he is to big for it now.

Would you believe the cheek of my DS when we were talking about replacing his bed he asked for a double bed!!! He's only 14!!!  His excuse is that he's growing taller and won't stop until he's passed his Dads height, his Dad is over 6ft & I think he will be taller than DH, even though SS told us he would be a small stocky lad who wouldn't grow very tall going off the information of his BPS, he's proving them wrong.

That reminds me I had a dream last night that SS rang me about DS birth Dad wanted contact, the dream was to real and I wondered if any of you have dreams like this? 
(DS birth Dad always denied he was the father but you just never know do you??)

Anyway hope everyone is OK, I'm waiting for a phone call about a job I have just rung about, don't know if I will get any where with it but if you don't try you'll never know will you!!

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## everhopeful

Hi all

I too thought it was a shame that this thread wasnt getting used very often, so here's my updates.

As you'll know, we are now heading to panel for the second time (8th November.... only about 8 weeks to go AAAARGH!!) for one child aged 0-2yrs (of either gender, not bothered which flavour we get this time!!)

Other major issue at the moment is finding out that bf have moved near to where we live. We've been told it's a pure coincidence and as far as anyone knows, they are still in the dark about dd's whereabouts.
We have had a face-to face meeting with them, and we have been sending pics of dd, so we;re quite sure that we would get recognised, if spotted.
A meeting with ss yesterday hasnt given any reassurance really. It's basically, tough, get on with it. My biggest fear is that they find out where we are. I know if it was me who'd lost a child and then found out where they live, I'd go looking out of pure curiosity to see the neighbourhood and what school they might be attending. It's a very un-nerving feeling.

Other than that  , we're very happy and dd is blossoming into a star  , and the thought of adding to the brood just thrills us even more! We're all very excited!! 

No matter what the system throws at us, we're still passionate about adoption and the benefits of it. Shame we haven't got the money to emigrate though!!!!


----------



## superal

We should keep this thread going a bit more and it was good to read your news ever.

My news is that I didn't even get past the first hurdle reference the job, I feel a bit gutted but life is to short to worry about things like that, there will be another job out there for me some where.

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## saphy75

awwww Andrea sorry you didn't get the job hun but as you said there will be other jobs  

Ever, we are just thinking about adopting again   but first we need to add another bedroom as we live in a 2 bed bungalow   but as ds is still very young i guess we have time on our side   

i better go coz ds has just woken up and come running in the room. it's so funny now he can get himself out of bed, good job we have a stair gate that we can put across his door so he can't wander about in the night   

pam xx


----------



## jilldill

We spoke to our SW recently about a second child, we were told then it's all in hand and we just needed to wait until Sunshine was nearer 3 due to the 2 year age gap between adopted siblings. However in the last chat recently she seemed alot less positive about it all, she said we should write to her line manager to formally apply which she said we didn't have to do before. The big worry which is now churning in my stomach is she said as we only have 2 bedrooms there is a new ruling in or coming in not sure that adopted sibs even of the same sex (we want another girl anyway) can't share a bedroom if they are not birth sibs! Has anyone heard of this is it a new rule or unique to where I live! I can't believe this could possibly come into force, the amount of people who must live in 2 bedroom homes would therefore only be allowed to adopt 1 child whether they want to or not!
Any help, insight or advice would be invaluable. Having felt really relaxed about a second time I am now thrown into that feeling sick churning feeling!
Love JD x


----------



## saphy75

awww JD what a nightmare   i haven't heard of this new ruling we are adding another bedroom as we would like a little girl this time although that's not to say we wouldn't consider another boy as we aren't really bothered either way, but by adding another room our options are open   i hope you manage to sort this out hun

pam xx


----------



## cindyp

JD, this rule was never mentioned to us but then we have a 3 bedroom house so it wasn't a concern.  I think you need to clarify when this ruling is coming in.  As for having to formally apply we had to do that second time around, I was a bit surprised but it is just another bit of bureacracy.  Hope you get some good news.

Andrea, sorry to hear about the job, but as Pam says there will be other ones.  Did your kids seem to get older more quickly when they started school or has it always felt the same?

Pam, I can't believe Chunk is 19 months old already but then again I can't believe my Cuddles is 14 months old now.  It hardly seems a second since we collected her but she's gone from a little baby who was only just sitting up unaided to a stroppy toddler who is almost walking.  Like your son she is also into everything she can get her hands into.  We'd lost our VCR guard and have ended up having to buy a new one (oh well the old one was 10 years old).  It must have been scary seeing him do that to the cot, we've only just got her to sleep in hers so I hope we don't have to move her just yet.

Ever, I don't know what to say, it must be like walking on eggshells everytime you take her into town.  I'm a bit disappointed in your SS lack of support, I know there is nothing they can do but they don't sound very sympathetic.

As for us, I must admit it's been one of those weeks where I looked back fondly on life before kids.  I love them to bits but I've been ill with a kidney infection and they have both had bad colds.  Unfortunately when my DS doesn't get a full night's sleep his behaviour is worthy of a Supernanny episode and DD has been continuing to throw half of her food across the kitchen.  We've cracked sleep training with her and now we have to do food training (she became really fussy once she turned one).  The HV says that we shouldn't just give her what she wants to eat (plain bread and puddings) but keep trying her with meals and not give her anything if she refuses them.  Breakfast and lunch is OK but dinnertime leads to major tantrums.  It's been incredibly wearing and I must admit really hard work trying not to let it show it's all getting to me.  Fortunately my antibiotics are working now and I know the kids will get over their colds and I know if we cracked the sleep problem with DD we will crack this eating problem.

What do the rest of you do to let off steam when you've had a bad day to let off steam, kick DH/DP?, shout in the garden?  I end up staying up later than I should do as you can probably tell from the time of this post. 

love
Cindy


----------



## saphy75

Cindy i hate days like that   i'm embarassed to say that i usually take it out on dh   but we have just bought an inflatable hot tub (we had to sell our big tub in jan as it broke) so that helps with relaxing. it was a bargain too at £250 

chunk is really testing us at the moment and refusing to stay i bed for his daytime sleep and generally being a nightmare, i haven't even had time for a cuppa yet today as he is being a monster  

better go as he is out of bed yet again 

pam xx


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi all,

we're just back from a lovely week in the gower. had 4 full days on the beach...can't believe our luck with the weather. Starting my new job tomorrw, so am quite excited about getting back into normal living after a hectic summer. I've gained half a stone this summer so that's going to have to go. Only problem is my ankle (which i broke in june) seems to be getting worse rather than better. I'm going to give swimming a try as walking/running is definately out. DH thinks i should go abc to the doctors about it but they were so crap first time around I'm not convinced it'll be more than a waste of time. They didn't even xray it when they finally removed the cast. Its still all bruised, which seems strange after 3 months.....any advice anyone??

Boo's eczema has flared up having been away. I'd hoped the sun and sea wuld keep it at bay, but I'm sure it'll calm down again now we're home.

JD, i didn't know about the bedroom issue either. Although it sounds like you SW was probably being overly positive when you first discussed adopting again with her as we've been told we have to wait 2 years from Boo moving in before we can apply again. I'm sure others on their second round have been told similar stuff. It sounds like it would be worth getting clarification from them so you know where you stand, and then you can work around it.

Andrea, sorry you didn't get the job....having had several knock backs in the past and finally getting this oen I can whole heartedly say I'm glad its wored out the way it has as life is already a lot better here in somerset!

I'm about to get on a do our contact letters.....soon anyway. I really hate doing them as I seem to spend the time swinging between resenting them having contact, and feeling so sorry for them as they are missing all this great stuff with boo. 

anyway better get on a get it over and done with.

xxruthie


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## Viva

Hi Ruthie, 
Just a quickie really about your ankle, I'm a nurse (although I'd be the first to say that orthopaedics aren't my specialty) a bruised ankle after 3 months doesn't seem right to me either. Our ankle's (and wrists for that matter) are very complex with many little bones in them (if can be easy to miss something on X-Ray) and it seems a little remiss to me that they didn't X-ray you when they removed your plaster. Whilst I understand your reluctance to go back to your Dr unfortunately oversights or mistakes can happen and I would go back again and if I wasn't happy I would get a second opinion, have you been being seen by a Consultant? The way I always tell people to think about things health related is to think what would you do if it was your car you had taken to the garage and the problem was still there, you'd take it back or to somewhere else wouldn't you? So if you don't think things are right with your ankle keep pushing until you feel happy and don't be afraid to complain! Dr's and Nurses aren't infalliable and the good one's would always rather know if they've made a mistake so they can learn from it and with the bad ones...well someone always knows that they aren't up to scratch and are just waiting for the evidence to take things further.
Hope you get it sorted soon.
Love Viva
XXX


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## cindyp

So how are all you adoptive Mums?

I'm really looking forward to Cuddle's Court date next Tuesday.  I'm going to go shopping this week to buy her a new dress for the occasion (and might treat myself to something too  ).  Unfortunately Junior has a bit of a fat lip following a bump with another boy at playschool, however the worse thing is DH's new hairstyle.  I was rather tired last night and din't notice when I went to give him a trim that I had forgot to put the comb on the hair clippers.  When I saw the stripe on the back of his head I was mortified but I had to carry on and give him the full No 0 cut so now he's looking "well 'ard"  Ah, well it will definitely give us something to laugh about when we look back at the photos  

We started her with one morning at nursery last week.  It's going better than I thought, she cries when I drop her off but when I look back through the window she's playing happily.  I can't believe how much she has grown up in the last eight months, not quite walking yet as she hasn't had the confidence to let go but she sure does move pretty fast.  Unlike her brother she's into everything always pulling shoes off the rack, tearing tissues that have been left in her reach, breaking the VCR    Definitely exerting her independence now and saying a few words, still very affectionate and still not sleeping the night in her cot!

Things are improving with DS, we've been reading like mad since he was diagnosed with his RAD and have changed to a more therapeutic parenting technique which seems to be having some positive effects, although it's hard work at times.  After Adoption are still supporting us.  It would have been better if our LA had given us more info on attachment when we went through our adoption process but that horse has well and truly bolted so we are just moving on.  He's our lovely little boy and we shall do our best to help him.  He's living up to that description as for once he co-operated with the playschool photographer and we have some really gourgeous photos of him that we are looking forward to showing off.

Going to have to end this post as I'm having to type it one handed as DD refuses to sleep in her cot or on her Dad  

Hope you and your families are all well.

love
Cindy


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## everhopeful

Hiya everyone!

Not a lot to report at the moment. SW's on hols and still waiting for CRB's to come through. Postal strike is giving me nightmares!!!
We go to panel again in 4 weeks time and dd getting very excited about a new sister. NO! We don't know anything! As far as we know, SW hasnt even been looking for a match, and yet DD is absolutely convinced that it'll be a baby girl!

Just wondering about family books that second timers have had to do for panel.... I'm just putting mine together and finding it more difficult than the first time round. On the page which will feature DD - do I just put her name? or do I say "This is your sister" ??
What has everyone else put regarding older sibs??
I'll be pleased to get the ruddy thing out of the way to be honest!

DD has suddenly become even more inquisitive! And to think that I thought I hated the word "Why?" before now!!!   Wherever we go, she's asking who's that? what's he called? why is she doing that? are we there yet? (that's a new one, when we've just set off!!)
And although she's loving autumn, kicking the leaves and seeing how many different colours we can spot, she's not understanding why she can't play out on the grass. She says "but it's sunny", which it may be, but the grass is either damp or muddy, or both! And I'm afraid until she's got the next size up in wellington boots, it;s a no-go!!! 

Right, busy busy! Must get on and get some chores done (bah-humbug!)

Bye for now


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## cindyp

Hi Ever

When we did our second family book we actually set it out as if DS had written it, eg the first photo was of him with the caption "Hi I'm your new big brother", the second one was of us with "This is Mum and Dad" and so on.

LOL at the Why question     The worrying thing is I don't think they grow out of it.  When they are teenagers it will be Why can't I go to the party?

See ya
Cindy


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## saphy75

Hi guys

we had our very first proper screaming tantrum in the middle of tescos today   (and no i don't mean me) it was awfull   and all because ds didn't want to hold onto the pushchair or trolley, he wanted to run riot and put everything in the trolley, which i suppose was probably my fault as i was letting him help with the shopping by passing things to his daddy to put in the trolley. Usually i would just put him back in his pushchair and he would cry for a min but be easily distracted but not today, Today he screamed and wrigglled and tried to get out of his pushchair then he screamed some more   i just totally ignored him and eventually (after what seemed like hours) he stopped.

Bed times are an absolute nightmare at the mo too so we are all very tired which i'm sure you'll all know makes for a very difficult time   i'm just praying that some one will bring back my good boy and take this little monster back   

lmao at the questions, i can't wait for that stage NOT !!!   

pam xx


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## Barbarella

Hi everyone...

Thought I'd do an update as Bea is with Daddy watching the football (haha, it doesn't sound like he's getting much peace!).

Bea is 18 months old now and is a little character.  She's saying lots of words now but not talking in sentences just yet.  She certainly knows how to work a room (are all girls like that?) and loves getting the attention of a crowd - strangers or not.

We really have noticed the difference in her at Jo Jingles this term, she's started doing all the actions to the songs, whereas before the summer holidays she was just running riot.  She's definitely the leader of the pack and likes to decide who gets the instruments and is always first in the queue - even though she's smallest one there - even smaller than some of the babies who aren't walking yet.  LOL.  What she lacks in height she has in character and personality.

I sympathise with those of you going through difficult times at the moment with your LO's.  Although Bea seems to have calmed down since our holiday, the week before we went away I had a mini breakdown (I use the term flippantly) as DH was working an awful lot and I felt like a single mother.  I am a spoilt brat I know, but I love DH being around - it's SO much easier with 2 of you.  Anyway, I think Bea was just picking up on my mood but she was a little monster and it was one of those weeks where you "look back fondly on your pre-parent days".  I don't believe people who say they don't have them...    

Then we went away and she was an angel.. loved the flight and loved being out there in the sunshine (we went to Crete).  She slept well bar a couple of mornings as she was sharing a room with us and she doesn't like that (she would never have been a baby to co-sleep), but she laughed her way through the holiday, even when we were out a couple of nights until aout 10pm.  She loved being at the beach and in the pool.  Nanny and Grandad were there, so they took her out one afternoon so we could have some time at the beach - and we had a romantic meal one evening too.  So we were very lucky.

Bea is still sleeping well and still has her 1.5-2 hours in the day - I'm not ashamed to admit I still need those breaks.... and we are always out every afternoon.  She has started to go to Nanny one afternoon in the week as well - not every week, but Nanny loves having her and Bea loves being there.  As I'm a SAHM, I think it's important for her to be with other people, and of course, it's important for Mummy (and Daddy) to be refreshed and more patient.  

Most of the time she is an utter joy - she's bright, clever, funny and gorgeous, but we have our off days like anyone else.  We aren't considering No 2 yet as we just don't think we will ever be as lucky again.  We haven't ruled it out at this stage but we don't have that passion or drive that we did the first time round.  I feel like the odd one out as everyone else seems to be thinking about No 2 already.  I am 40 next year as well, and at this stage, not sure if I want to go through the process again, and all the stress it brings.  We'll see, never say never!

We had to do our first contact letter this week - it didn't feel too bad. I did the letter from Bea and was careful not to put anything in there to upset them... it was to the Maternal GP's and I am mindful of the fact that they wanted her, but weren't suitable due to their close proximity to the BP's.  I hope I have been sensitive but given enough info about Bea and what she is up to.  As of yet, no-one else has responded to the exchange contract, so that's the only one we're doing at the moment - twice yearly.

Lovely to read about your LO's.. and not so LO's Superal.  Sorry about your job hon, will get around to replying to your email very soon.  We've had a bit of an upset in our family lately, so been the shoulder to cry on. 


Pam - I cannot believe your DS is 19 months either.  I hope you get your sunny little boy back very soon - they go in phases don't they... 

Ever - good luck with the rest of your process.. and hopefully you won't have to wait too long for another match.

Cindyp - good luck for court day next week..  and LMAO at your dh's hair cut.  My MIL did the exact same thing to my FIL... he was NOT happy.  LOL.  Am sure your DD will look beautiful on her day.  You sound like you are doing a fab job with DS... and good that you are getting support from AA...

Ruthiebabe - glad you had a good time in Gower... and hope your new job is going well.

JD - will email you back for when you get back from your hols. 

Love to all... and all your babies... 
C xx


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## everhopeful

*HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!! *  

Anyone doing anything special tonight It's the first year since dd's been with us, when we're doing knack-all!! I'm feeling like a real grump today (bad day at work) so have blankly refused to even try and open the door to the little tirants who come knocking!!

 Arrrgh! Urghhh! Arggghhh!  Phew, that's better, got it out of my system!

DD kept asking earlier why her Daddy hadnt cut a pretty pattern out of the pumpkin...? Erm, not sure what his excuse for being a whinge-bag is!! I've got a serious personality clash at work and end up coming home still fuming with anger and frustration, at having to bite my tongue all day! And all hubbie says is "well, just think you wont have to go to work for 9 months" - well, all very nice n'all, but to put up with it every day for meantime (however long til match is found etc) is a nightmare! I very nearly told them to get on their broomstick and **** off today! LOL

 So while I'm trying to calm down, dd has had a lovely long soak in her favourite bubbles and is looking all angelic now and smiling at me so sweetly.... and she smells sooooooooo lovely!  I could eat her! But, I will refrain from that, and take her to bed instead!

Nighty night all, and please remember, do sleep well, and don't have nightmares!!!


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## superal

Oh ever we all have days like that don't we where we clash with some one.  i went into work for the first time in a long time today and some one asked me if i was going to the Christmas do........I said I've paid my deposit but I'm not going...........right in front of this girl who is the reason I'm not going..........I'm not bothered I'll loosed £10, well I am but I would rather loose that than have a horrible night. 

We have been out trick and treating tonight and DD has got a huge bag full of stuff, luckily all the neighbours where we live are great and don't mind children calling, some even dress up, the neighbours I mean which is really funny when the children see grown ups with witches hats on and devil horns.

It took me 3- 4 hours yesterday to carve our pumpkin, DD decided she wanted scooby doo on it!! I did it and it looks great, DD blew out the candle out before going to bed  & I've just lit it again.

Well 11 years ago today we were told about our DS, we knew his age and a little bit about him but our SW wouldn't tell us any more we had to wait till 5th November to find out his name and where he was in FC, some things you never forget BUT it does make me feel old.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Pooh bears mummy

Aw Andrea,

What a lovely memmory. Our halloween, Poohbear went to nursery today dressed as a spider and was relly happywhen i picked him upas he had had a nice party.

PBMx


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## magenta

Great to hear everyone's news.  

Bubbles went to toddler group yesterday dressed as a fairy (normal t-shirt skirt and top but with wings, deely-boppers and a wand).  She wanted to be a fairy all last week so we got bits and pieces together for her and she then accounced yesterday morning that she was going to be  Lunar Jim!  Daddy let her be lunar jim in the house  (jammies and a space bubble helmet) then got her changed into a fairy which she loved. 

They had a fancy dress party at te toddler group adn made masks and other fun crafts and she had a great time.  Daddy took lots of photos to show me when i got in from work.  yesterday was the frist day i really really missed being at home.  But my friends tell me it gets better and that I wil soon learn to enjoy hearing about special days via daddy and bubbles at dinner time.

Today is a special day for us as it marks one year since we first met our gorgeous daughter.  We are celebrating with a visit from the minister to finalise details for the christening.  Bubbles will be getting a toffee-apple for pudding as a treat and we will spend a bit of time doing baking as well after the minister leaves - so no doubt she'll get some cake too!  Gareth and I might be forced to drink some bubbly too.

Magenta x


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## Barbarella

Oh my goodness Andrea... 11 yrs!!!  Wow.. how fab is that though eh!  Time goes sooo  flippin fast.

Congrats on your 1 yr anniversary Magenta.. I am remembering all our firsts at this time of year.. tomorrow was when we met the Foster carer and Medical adviser... lol.... the things you remember. 

Well my little pumpkin went out dressed as a PUMPKIN!!!  She looked absolutely adorable.  We didn't actually go trick or treating, we just went round to grandparents and some friends who live down the road.  Our road isn't that friendly - yours sounds fantastic Andrea.. so we didn't think we'd go round and knock on the doors.  To be honest, we're a bit of a killjoy because we don't open our door either.  Maybe next year we will buy some treats and start joining in...    LOL.

Anyway, lovely to hear your stories...  we've just spent 2 hours up the park with Bea.. it's just so lovely doing simple things like that..  

Carole xx


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## superal

Well at some points in our life we have to acknowledge our children are growing up and last night was one of those nights for me..........................I haven't slept a wink & have been up since 7am this morning and feel completely knackered!

DS went to a party last night, did not come home at the arranged time, came in with a love bite on his neck.......disgusting horrible things!...............eyes as big as saucers and says he was up to nothing and not drinking!!

I'm not daft, I have been there done that and got the t-shirt, he seems to forget things like that.

The hard bit is acknowledging he is growing up but still giving him boundaries, he is 14 & we love him dearly but last night I could have .................well I'm not sure what I would have done other than shout at him and tell him he's lost all our trust.

A very unhappy "older adopter" Mummy!  
Andrea
xx


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## Ruthiebabe

Hi Andrea,

sorry to hear about your DS.....but as you said yourself its normal teenage behaviour....not looking forwrad to that stage myself! I can't believe how mch younger kids are trying stuff like drinking etc these days....actualy even my brother who is only 3 years younger than me seemed to come from another generation. Drinking smoking etc before i did. 

anyway i'm sure you'll find the right balance of dicipline and letting him learn from his own mistakes.....nothing like a hangover to teach you about drinking!

xxruthie


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## everhopeful

Oh Andrea

Like you say, he is a teenager and is growing up. But what a nightmare for you.
I remember myself at that age, and more seriously my siblings who really tested Mum & Dad to the limit. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. It's like the toddler tantrum stage, where they change overnight from angelic baby to absolute terrors.
Our dd storms off now and sulks - already a miniture 14 year old, and so I'm already dreading those years when she's alot older.

We've all been there in some scale, but never want our children to see/hear things that we did.
Like OT says, he's going to learn his lessons, but with a very supportive mum behind him.


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## cindyp

Andrea, you have my sympathy.  I must admit it's not something I'm looking forward to.  My colleague at work has a son the same age and she mentioned that he came in with a lovebite on his neck  .  It is sad isn't it to find ourselves on this end of the process.  The problem is we can all remember things that we may have done as a teenager that we knew our parents wouldn't approve of and can't bear the thought of our children doing the same.

I'm sure that you will find the way to set him back on the straight and narrow.

Unfortunately you are the first one of us to suffer this but we are right there with you.  

Cindy


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## superal

Hi Girls thank you for yur messages...........i know I'm the only one with a child of this age & I don't want to frighten you all with it.

i wish I could say things are better, they are in a way but I keep finding out more and I just want to curl up and hide. 

DS has shed many a tear today & he says its because we are allowing him to grow up and he is finding he is asking himself more and more about his BM & he's angry at her not us BUT because we are here we get the brunt of it...........I can understand that, we have been expecting it.

I've told him he will do things we might not like and all we ask is that he does not lie, we don't don't like lies and you get in more trouble for telling lies..............I'll keep you posted but hopefully we've had a bit of a break through.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## everhopeful

FIREWORKS !!!! ARRRGH!!!!!!!!!! 

No don't get me wrong I'm not generally a grump, it's just there's so many having displays tonight and I';m not at any one of them!  I do love fireworks but unfortunately dd isnt keen on the big bangs, and I don't blame her! So we'll be at home tonight & tomorrow night watching from the windows!
I feel very emotional at the mo..... firstly it's 4 years tomorrow that I had my last embie transfer and so the sound of all the fireworks takes me straight back to that day   And also on the adoption front.... we had our hopes raised of a possible potential match of a young baby.... and then had the hope wiped again.... so although we're at panel in 4 days (eeek!), I'm not feeling all happy, happy at the mo.
It's a bloomin good job it's not the hormonal time of the month for me too.... otherwise I really would be in a state with myself! 

 Oh balls! I have to laugh about it, at least!! I guess these are a couple extra trials for me to jump over before they'll see me at panel again. Definately feels like someone's working me hard before we get there again.

Anyway, sorry to drivel on so much about me, me me! Hope everyone else is having a lovely pre-bonfire night tonight!


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## cindyp

Andrea, I'm sorry things aren't improving but unfortunately it's not something any of us can hide from we just have to get through it, but you know we are here for you.

Ever, sorry to hear you are feeling a bit down.  Just because we love our little ones doesn't mean we totally forget the the pain we went through during tx and although you know that until you are matched there are no certainties but you can't help getting your hopes up.

We tried taking DS to a display last night but he hated it and we had to bring him home.  He really doesn't like the big bangs and was upset earlier at some going off outside.  I must admit I love fireworks too and am looking forward to the day when he enjoys them as well.  DD wasn't bothered at all but spent most of the time trying to pull a leaf off a nearby tree  

Cindy

Cindy


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## superal

Fireworks...........you either love them or hate them, its hard when you have a little one who is scared of them and the only suggestion I can offer is to do what you have been doing and watch them from the safety of your home.

We will be adding to the noise tonight, we have a bonfire set up in the garden, rocket launches..for rockets   and pots to stand fireworks in.

The hosepipe is already on standby and I've just been out and bought the food & DRINK for tonight. ( No drinking whilst setting off fireworks for the men but us women can have a glass or two of wine!)  

My friend who has just been diagnosed with cancer is coming with her family and I've just spoke to her & she is really up beat she has an appointment next week to see what the next stage/course of treatment is, she is so brave.

Anyway I am looking forward to a good night after having a Cra* week end with DS.

My only advice to you lovely ladies is when your children are older they will make mistakes, they have to grow up, deal with the situation there and then and then try to forget about it and not keep going on and on about it.............easy said then done but DS has opened his heart to us and all we can do is help him get through this difficult time and know that he is a good lad and we are proud of him and he will be OK & so will we.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## naoise

Hi girls I don't usually post on here but I think I should make more of an effort as when I am at home all day with the kids I crave some adult chat.
We took the girls to my sis in London for the halloween hols so it was the girls first time on a plane which I was really worried about and also the thought of three kids in an airport but they were great and they loved it. They shared a room with my niece who is around the same age as them and they didn't get much sleep but they enjoyed themselves. We went to see the fireworks display and they girls were not at all scared. So we all had a great but very tiring time.

Andrea I sympathise with you on the teenager hormones my sister's eldest is 13 and going through similar things and my sis worries about him a lot but as you say they have to make mistakes on their own or else they won't learn by them.

Have to go on my first school run of the day

Love K


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## everhopeful

Hi all!

As an adoptive mum I found myself stuck for words yesterday when someone caught me out on one of those "I havent a clue because I didn't give birth to her" type of questions. The question was "What time of the day was she born?". I felt awkward and then even worse than that, guilty because I couldn't even tell the true answer because I didnt know it. Guilty for DD that I didnt even know that simple piece of information that to her will be crucial in her "being born" story.



Anyway, on a happier note as a very proud and excited mum, my beautiful dd will be helping her daddy build a cot for her new prospective sibling tomorrow once the new carpet's been fitted! Ooooooh!!!! 
I know last time round I'd be checking my phone every time I came in the house just incase I'd missed that all important call from the sw. But this time because the whole process has been so much more relaxed and I have my time taken up with DD so I don't get chance to clock-watch so often, I felt determined that I wouldn't be so impatient!
Boy! How wrong was I??!! We only went to panel on Thursday.... it's Monday.... that is just 2 working days since, and I'm already on hotbricks when the phone rings!!!! It's terrible! I will have to learn to calm down a bit!!! 
I think it's the realisation that _that_ call can literally come at any time.... I need to invest in some Kalms tablets!!

And on a very optimistic and thankful note.... I am very close to finishing, yes you heard me correctly, finishing, my xmas shopping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
What? With 6 weeks to go??  I know, I can hardly believe it myself!
Maybe I should reign myself in a bit, just so that keeping my mind on pressies and wrapping, will hopefully keep my mind off babies!!!


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## cindyp

Wow Ever, I haven't even started my Xmas shopping.

I can fully sympathise with you being on the alert, I was exactly the same following our second panel.  Fingers crossed that phone rings soon.

Went to my friend's memorial at the weekend, it was nice (as far as you can say these things are nice).  It was strange seeming some old school friends that I hadn't seen in 20 years but it was like we were all 17 again once we got chatting.  Decided to make a weekend of it and stayed at my parents with the kids.  God bless my parents, they love the kids but their patience levels are not what they were.  Unfortunately Cuddles is teething badly at the moment and we all have colds too so nobody slept well Saturday night.  That meant that the children's behaviour left something to be desired on Sunday.  I tried to keep them out of the way as much as I could, went to the town memorial service, visited friends but still my Dad said "I love you and the kids but I'll be happy when you are home".  I can't work out where he was coming from, surely it's easy to relax with two tantrumming, whinging pre-schoolers   .

Hope everyone had a nice weekend.

love
Cindy


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## superal

Wow ever you are organised.............I usually am but for some reason this year I am not!! 

I think due to my studies, looking for a job and getting frustrated with work I don't have time BUT today is going to be a different day, I'm out to lunch with my DD god mother and then we are going to hit the shops & do some shopping.

We have already bought DS a new mountain bike which he desperately needs as he does a paper round every school morning before going to school for which he only gets £9!  His current bike has been repaired so many times we thought seeing as he doesn't know what he wants and he has all the usual stuff a teenager has we would get him this brilliant bike.  It really is a great bike with lots of gear and great supspension......we hope he'd like it.  he did say yesterday though that he wouldn't mind an ipod for Xmas.........no chance of that!!

DD wants the new baby Annabell and a new pram that she can push comfortably as she is so tall for her age & we have found one and its on order should be here on Friday so in a way I have started the Christmas shopping.

Things with DS are a lot better    He's not allowed to any more parties!  DH says until he is 18....I think some how we will struggle with that one!

Hope everyone is OK

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Barbarella

As an adoptive mum I found myself stuck for words yesterday when someone caught me out on one of those "I havent a clue because I didn't give birth to her" type of questions. The question was "What time of the day was she born?". I felt awkward and then even worse than that, guilty because I couldn't even tell the true answer because I didnt know it. Guilty for DD that I didnt even know that simple piece of information that to her will be crucial in her "being born" story.

Ever... I totally relate to that. Yesterday, DD fell over and whacked her head on the radiator valve... I heard the thud, was in the same room and looked round to see blood spurting out of a hole in her head. Was in total panic. When I managed to clear through the blood, it wasn't as bad as it looked but still needed stitches so we went to A&E. Anyway, answering questions about her history doesn't come easy - as it would with birth mothers - even her date of birth I have to think about it for a split second. Then "what is her 2nd name".. I gave her birth 2nd name but should I have given the 2nd name we gave her.. (well it's actually her 3rd name). Also, whilst waiting in Reception, I realised that I'd forgotten what her blood group was.

It's really hard to remember everything as on a daily basis you just don't think about them being adopted. It comes as quite a shock when you actually have to answer questions.

Anyway, DD is fine now.. didn't knock her down for long.. even on the way to hospital she was pointing out the horsies for us.. bless her. She has a few steri strips and a big plaster on, but no other affects from banging her head so that's good. Our first experience of A&E with a child... not nice but could have been much much worse!

Andrea.. have emailed you hon. Glad things with DS are better... teenagers are a trial at the best of times, we just have that added extra to deal with as well.

Love Carole xx


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## everhopeful

Oh Carole

What an awful experience for you and DD. I dread the time when I'll be in your shoes. To be honest, we're both shocked it hasn't already happened, the way she throws herself off walls and furniture! Definately not a dainty girl who skips around, ours is more likely to tackle you to the ground!!  
Our DD has been here almost 2 1/2 years now so the majority of questions can be answered as quickly as any about myself. But when you're faced with someone asking you something out of the blue, when you don't have that information you freeze, and then slowly die inside hoping the person asking you the question hasn't clocked that the reason you can't answer so quickly is that you don't know.
I think if we're in company of those who know quite readily that DD is adopted, it never feels like an issue to say "Ooh! I don't know that one!", but when out in public, when everyone assumes she's ours biologically it almost feels like they are deliberately trying to trip me up!

I assume that natural parents come across these stumbling blocks themselves.
I probably know more about my birth than my mum can remember about it!

Anyway, for anyone out there still wondering about details of their child's birth and don't want to approach SS or birthfamily, I managed quite easily to get my answers from my GP's surgery. I took in a letter detailing what info I was missing, I included any info I did have, and also her NHS number (from her medical card). They rang me at home the following day.
And I feel so much more complete as her mum now.

Hope everyone's having a good weekend.


----------



## jilldill

Oh Carole,
How horrible I hope DD is all better now! My wonderful HV sent me stickers with Sunshine's new name on and an official note saying to cover all previous names with them. I would say absolutely any medical stuff or anything official you give her full name as it is now !!!!
Hope your ok love JD x


----------



## superal

Hi Carole - Just wanted to say I hope DD is better now. ( Have sent you an e-mail)

Jill - I agree with you over giving names BUT this can only be done once you have legally adopted them which I am sure you are all aware of.  I won't go into details but we also had to take our DD to hospital within weeks of having her.........long story & we had a nightmare over details! (lets just say I put in a complaint about the nurse who dealt with us !!!)

Well I have an interview on Thursday & could do with all your good wishes and positive thoughts in the hope that I get this job, it's at a pre-school so I can put my qualification into practice.  The course is going very well & I can not believe that I have just completed my 3rd assignment and that the 4th one is about to be set......arghh!  I will finish the course in February & in a sad way I'm going to miss our Tuesday meet ups.

Love
Andrea
xxx


----------



## jilldill

Absolutely Andrea, of course it' only when they are lagally yours and the name has been changed! Good to stress that though take care JD x


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Good Luck Andrea.

Hope this is the one.

PBMx


----------



## everhopeful

Good Luck Andrea  

Sure you'll walk it!

Keeping fingers crossed for you on Thursday


----------



## superal

Thanks girls!!

I keep telling myself I am the person for the job, I know that & all I have to do is convince them they need me as part of their team, it would make my year not feel such a bad one if I got the job.

This year has been a bit of a night mare for us............We had a scare with DD in about March with her eye, she has a condition called Drusen but this can be mistaken for cancer, so you can imagine how we were feeling at the prospect of our little girl having cancer of the eye.  Cancer was ruled out luckily but then months later the consultant wanted her to see a neurosurgeon to check she didn't have pressure on her brain!! (It never rains but it pours!)  We then think oh my god a brain tumor............that has now been ruled out so DD is fine.

In June my Gran died, I hate my present job, have fell out with a so called good friend and then one of  my best friends has just been diagnosed with cancer so I'm hoping it's time I got some good news.........don't you think??

Jilldill - I remember you had a year like this didn't you, was it just before you got sunshine??

Hi to everyone

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## jilldill

Sorry to hear all that Andrea, yes you are due some good luck now! You are right we had a dreadful time before Sunshine arrived, we lost both my DH's parents in the 5 weeks before we were placed. It was actually the day after his Mum's funeral! talk about the cycle of life!
Good luck Andrea love JD x


----------



## superal

Hi Jill - I remember now the kind of year you had and I thank my lucky stars that even though I think it's been a bad one, I am healthy(she says sat here with a mars bar in her hand!), I have a loving Husband, 2 wonderful kids and a roof over my head, some people haven.t got that, so like I say I am grateful fro what I have got...........just would love the job interview to go really well tomorrow and them to offer me the job!!

A bit of good news any way about my friend, I think this is wonderful news, she had a blood test and a bone scan done because they were thinking the worse!!  She was told she had a 50 - 50 chance that she may have cancer in either & if that was the case she had upto a year to live!!!

WELL.................the tests have come back clear............how good is that!!

She has been for an operation today & they will closely monitor her and decide treatment form here on but it's looking like she is going to be ok...........so at long last things are looking up and you never know I might be back here soon saying I've got the job!!

Hope everyone is OK, I have just finished wrapping some Christmas presents, from having none a few weeks ago, I now have quite a lot!!

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Andrea- fab news about your friend hun  our friends are so important to us all.

hi to everyone else

xxx


----------



## cindyp

Andrea, that's great news about your friend.  It must be such a relief.  Good luck for the job interview tomorrow.

Jill, I've just posted on the other thread that I can't believe it has been a year since you first had Sunshine.  It's great how your lives have changed since that painful time.  I bet life with Sunshine just gets better and better.

Carole, what an awful experience for you, glad she's OK now.  You've made me think now as I don't know my kids blood type but then to be honest I can't remember my own   

Ever, you are so organised with Xmas.  I had to laugh at your comment on the other thread about the joy of Nick Jr.  I'm finding it a mixed blessing at the moment because there are so many adverts where DS keeps saying "Can I have one of them".   

Naoise, kudos for taking three kids on a plane, I hope when we fly next year with two it goes as well as your trip.

Love to everyone else, gotta go belly dancing.

Cindy


----------



## Barbarella

Thanks for your good wishes everyone.. Bea is absolutely fine now.  Plaster and steri strips off and the cut is healing nicely.  We might even get a few nice pictures taken for me to do her Christmas cards yet.  

Sorry, Jill.. I think I was unclear about what I mean about her name.  They only had space for 1 middle name and she has 2 - her birth name and the middle name we gave her.  I really wanted to give them the name we gave her, but it comes after her birth name... so that was my confusion.  LOL.  It's nothing really - just one of those things you don't have to think about when you are a birth Mum.  Not that I dwell on such things.  Have just sent you an email.

Andrea - such good news about your friend... wow!  Am so happy that she's going to be ok.  Have just sent you an email too. 

Ever - lol at your DD.  Yes, Bea is definitely not a dainty little girl.  My Mum says I wasn't either.. she wanted me to be this pretty little girl sat in the pram and I used to lie on my front with my bum in the air.  Haha.  Exactly what Bea would do...  I am quite lucky that I have all the birth details - but that is such a good idea to ask your GP what maybe missing. I will ask her blood group next time I see them. 

Cindyp - I can't remember my blood group either.. lol.  

Anyway, is everyone looking forward to this Christmas??  I can't wait.  Last year, although an absolute blessing, was so frantic, so we are looking forward to a nice, quiet time this year.. just enjoying Bea as she gets older.  I've done nearly all my shopping, just a couple of bits to get.. so can relax a bit.  DH is working Boxing Day onwards so we only get Xmas Eve and Xmas Day together this year.  He is off the 1st 2 weeks in December, so we want to make the most of that time and not be shopping!! 

It's a year ago today that we were matched at panel for her. I can't believe it.  I know we were matched the same time as Sunshine came home, Jill.. so many congrats on having her a whole year... !!  Where has the time gone??

Love to all...

Carole xx


----------



## naoise

I can't believe my laptop I have just typed a really long post and I have lost it when I tried to post Aaaaaggghhhh.

Carole hope your littlie is doing well they are soo resilient aren't they.

Andrea glad to hear your friend is doing well and had such good news.

BArbarella you are soo organised I am jealous I have a bit done but it doesn;t look like much when I set it out hopefully when I buy stocking fillers it will help.

I have no idea what the girls blood group would that be in their red book?

We are doing really well at the minute the girls are happy I hope  and we are real little family N is soo excited about Xmas they have all written their letters and we have booked a trip to see Santa. We are being pressured at the minute to meet up with T's ex fcs and we don't want to do it they were so horrible to us when she was coming to us. Not turning up when they were supposed to with her, being really nasty to us telling us when we were looking at their new grandchild your not taking this one away from us. But we are sticking to our guns and saying no.

Hope this thread keeps up I need the help 

Love K


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi,

christmas shopping....we've just gotten through Boo b'day and have his christening on saturday so I'm leaving all thoughts of santa claus till after that!

Naoise, i can really understnad what yore saying about not wanting t meet up with the FCs. We have ended up wth more contact with boo'd BF than we have with his FF. Seems bad when you put it like that but they upset us so much during the intros we couldn't face meeting them again. And we keep in toch with the BF for Boo's sake when he's older, not for them. Stick to your guns on that!

In relation to publicity stuff Boo's nursery just won an award and they had a photographer in to take photos (obviously! ) to potentially publish in a monthly magazine. I initially said no, but as no names were to be printed and the chances of Boo's BF reading a magazine on organic farming being slim I said yes.

We're still waiting to hear back form our new LA whether they've received our forms from our old LA.....how long do you think i should leave it before chasing it. I'm concious of the fact that we said to the SW that w wern't in a mad rush for no. 2 and were happy for it to be after boo starts school next year (matching that is) but now it started i'm getting all excitd about it again!

anyway better get back to it,
xxruthie


----------



## superal

Naoise - have to agree with Ruth and say stick by your guns on this one.  We have never visited our DD FM since she was placed with us for various reasons.  The FM was a lovely lady and really did do the best for our DD but she can't drive & it would mean we would be doing all the traveling, which I don't mind but just felt it would be us doing things all the time,  I didn't feel at 9 months of age she would miss her FM & I don't think she did.

Our DS on the other hand did miss his FM so it was important for us to stay in touch.  They visited us & vice versa.  This has stopped now.

Maybe suggest a one of letter and a photo rather a meet up?

Ruth - I hope you have a fantastic day on Saturday.........the 1st December.......exactly 1 week before we had our DS christened.  Have you got Boo a little outfit?  Our DS was 4 at the time of his christening and he wore a little suit with Thomas the Tank engine tie & braces. he looked so cute..........of course he is really embarrassed by the photo now!!

I have to wait until Friday the earliest & Monday the latest to see if I have been selected for this job I applied for............I'll just have to wait and see, I did all i could and I hope they liked me as much as I liked them.

Off Christmas shopping in a bit......just a few more to buy for & loads more for the children!!

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## sanita

Hello everyone

Things a lot more settled here at the moment, but got a dreaded SW visit this afternoon.  It's one of the statutory ones where they have to see the kids, Smiling Boy doesn't seem affected by them, but Princess always goes off the rails afterwards.  We are getting to the stage that we are tempted to put the papers in to court to legalise things just to get SWs out of the way.  DH made me realise this morning when we were chatting that despite all the meetings, phone calls, reviews etc no support or assistance has been put in place by SS.  Everything we have organised to help us we have done for ourselves.  When DH put it like that it made me wonder.   

Talking of FCs     .  I spoke to our kids FM last weekend.  We haven't spoken much since intros 'cos things have been so difficult here and I knew she was grieving the loss of the kids so I didn't want to burden her with what a tough time the kids were having adjusting.  Anyway she sent me a text asking what she could get the kids for Xmas so I gave her a ring.  We were on the phone for ages and I couldn't believe what I found out:-

1. FM has been texting BM letting her know what is happening with the kids based on the e-mails I have sent to FM.

2. FM sensed things were bad here and the placement might disrupt so she wrote to SS asking if she could have the kids back to foster when it did disrupt.

3. FM was anxious that she hasn't yet been able to see the children and thought we might be trying to cut her out of the childrens lives so she wrote to SS requesting formal contact twice a year.  The reason why the SWs have advised us not to see FM yet is because of how attached Princess was to her, coupled with the fact that Princess and I had been struggling to bond.  Based on what she told me I would guess that SS also thought the children shouldn't see her yet as she is clearly having such a tough time letting them go.

Its such a shame 'cos she really did love the kids as if they were her own, but now I've found this little lot out I am inclined to cease communications.  

Anyway better go and clean up ready for the dreaded SW visit.  

Take care everyone

Sanita


----------



## keemjay

hiya - was just going to pop on dip my toe now i'm officially a mummy...
BUT firstly
Sanita, I'm APPALLED that the FM would feed that info to the BM..I would consider that a gross breach of confidentiality and i think you should mention it at the review...
I'm really shocked and angry on your behalf 
i'll post later once I've calmed down!

kj x


----------



## superal

Sanita - I would put in an official complaint against the FM, she should not be feeding any kind of information back to the birth family, that is not her job................   

I know foster carers do a fantastic job I was one once BUT she has well and truly stepped over the line on this one.

I hope the SW visit was not to bad for you all.

Take care
Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## magenta

I would also recommend reporting FM to the social worker this afternoon based on what you have said.  Helping childtren to settle into a 'forever' family is very hard for all of s - but particulaly hard when you have older children with greater attachements to BF and FF...how DARE she pass on information like this or suggest to SS that things weren't going well and she could offer a loing term home...How bloomin' DARE she...ohh let me at 'er (a la scrappy doo).

All the best with the meeting otherwise...we found asking at the end of the meeting for the sw to rad back the action points was helpful - and kept everyone to task...it was minuted who was supposed to do what adn it gave us a chance in eah meeting to add extra sction points like ' confirm medical assessment date' and 'contact council re. place on swimming class' etc.

Magenta x


----------



## everhopeful

Ooh Sanita   How dare she??

I feel mad after reading your post. I cannot believe that FM would report info back to BF. That is disgusting.

Sounds she's setting you up to fall, and putting herself and BM over you and your family.
You definately need to report her to someone, that is 100% out of order.
And I would consider cutting all ties with her. It's not a healthy relationship for your DD to put back into if she carries on like that.

 lots of love and support from me and dd xx


----------



## jilldill

Oh Sanita,
I am just gob smacked this is way way out of order and should be reported!
Good luck with the meeting you and DH are doing a great job!
Love JD x


----------



## Viva

Sanita,
You are doing so well, and without the support you should be getting too! Maybe it is time to send those papers in...it's funny how SS don't really seem to be in a hurry about these things, we're in week 9 now and have just started our nagging!
I agree with the others that you should speak to SS about the FM, I really can't believe that she has been communicating with the BF, I always find it healpful to remind myself that the foster carers do get paid for what they do and they now that the children will be moving on...it is kind of like a job and therefore she is being very unprofessional in teh way she is handling everything.
All the best with your meeting.
Viva
XXX


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

I can't believe I'm posting on the 'parents' thread    

Andrea - hope you get your job.  Pleased to hear your friend is ok.  How was Christmas Shopping?

Jill & Carole - where has the year gone?  Can't believe it's a year since Sunshine & Bea were placed with you.

Carole - glad Bea is ok now.  As for blood types, I have never known mine and have no idea what Cutie's is either.  Guess it's time to find out.

K - good for you, sticking with your guns and saying no to the FC meet.  I know what you mean about being pressured to meet up.  Glad to hear the girls are happy.

Ruthie - chase them,  you never know how long you may have to wait 

Sanita - you and your dh are doing a wonderful job and don't deserve to be treated like this by the FC.  What she has done is unprofessional, and should be officially reported. Hope your meeting with the SW went ok.

Hi to everyone else.  

Cutie is doing great.  He is into absolutely everything and keeps me well on my toes! 

I finished all my Christmas shopping on Monday or so I thought.  Today, went for coffee with a friend and her little one and ended up in ELC. The temptation to buy Cutie 'just one more pressie ' was too much to resist.  

BTW, is it me or does anyone else love the Christmas adverts?

Laine xx


----------



## naoise

Hi everybody

Sanita I can't believe what the fc is up to everybody is right you need to report her straight away, at the end of the day her job is to care for children until they can go to a permanent home she should be happy that they have gone to people who want them forever.

Laine you sound so happy I am delighted for you it is great being a  mummy isn't it you lucky thing having all your shoppin done I know what you mean about one more thing I bought the girls toys in the morning then went to Belfast last night and bought them lots of clothes I think my dh went a funny shade of grey when I came in with all the bags all he could say was I think that's enough now K.
I agree I love the ads too I think there should be more on tv.

Nothing new here T has come down with the cold so she is snuggled up in the living room. N is asking dh and I a lot do you like me? which is heartbreaking as she is obviously insecure still or it could be because her life story work has started and bringing back old memories, we bought a great book "connecting with kids through stories" so when I went out last night dh wrote a fairy story for the girls and I have to say for his first attempt it was very good so we will try it out tonight.

Love K


----------



## naoise

OMG just called the girls sw about a letter for T's nursery and she told me that bm is pregnant again. I am in shock how will this affect the girls N is really settled down this news will really mess things up the girls have contact in Dec 19th and I bet that they wil tell them then, I hope not. I am really worried how this will affect the court dh says that it will make it worse for her as it will show her as irresponsilble. but I am worried that things will go wrong for the baby and ss will come and ask us if we would take them in. How are we going to explain this to the kids it wouldn't be so bad if the girls didn't have contact but at the minute it is once a month I know I am worrying maybe over nothing but it has knocked me for six. Any advice please?

Love K


----------



## sanita

Naoise - Our kids bm was pregnant again just before we started intros.  We wondered how this would effect things, but she had a termination.  Just thought I would mention that.  I have no idea if that is a consideration in your case, but it might be best to say nothing to the girls if the pregnancy is in early stages.

My meeting with SW on Tuesday didn't go well.  She said something which really hurt me.    She also left some school forms with me to pass to the school.  The forms were completed by her stating that 'mother' was BM, 'parents responsibility' was between BM and LA and dh and I were described as 'carers'.  I know that technically BM is mother, but I thought that under the new law BM, LA and us shared parents responsibility?    Maybe I'm being oversensitive but the forms coupled with the comment she made left me feeling like I am nothing to the kids.

I did mention to her what FC had said and she was quite shocked.  I'm not sure she will do anything about it though.  

My mum also said the same as what DH has been saying about SWs actually doing nothing to help us and just upsetting things all the time.  I was hesitating to put the court papers in, not because we are not committed to the kids, but because I thought that as long as they remained LAC we would get more support.  If that's not going to be the case we might as well just start telling the SWs that everything is fine and dandy, get them to write the reports for court and get the papers in.  I must admitted that lately dealing with the kids has been the easy part, SWs and teachers have been much more challenging.  Hummmm, just had an idea - adopt and home school and get rid of both of them at the same time.    No, on second thoughts home schooling is a terrible idea, even though the kids are only 6 & 7 there homework is already beyond my understanding.  

love Sanita


----------



## shivster

Hi folks -just wanted to post on the parents thread!

Little bear has been with us for 2 weeks and 4 days and we are absolutely smitten. He is 17months and has a smattering of teeth but is having real trouble with grotty teething pain at the mo. Medised and bongela applied and tucked up in bed at mo.

He is a little darling!


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Shivster,

Lovely to read your first mummy post, sorry to hear about teething, Pinky is cutting her at the moment as well, i could not live with out  medised but also try Nelson teether's powers they area homeopathic remedy and are really good.

PBMx


----------



## Barbarella

Hi everyone...

Just checking in. Andrea, have you heard about your job yet  It was Friday or Monday I think, so maybe you are still waiting.

Can understand everyone's worries about FC contact.  It is daunting isn't it.. all the people in your child's history.  I don't think I would stay in contact if there were problems... as someone else said, it's their job to ensure smooth transition and if they haven't done that, then why should you all play ball now.

We tried to keep in contact with FM.  We've seen her twice since Bea came home, organised by me.  Sent her a couple of professional photos we had done in the summer, and didn't even get a response.  I always text her, get a short reply and she never contacts us.  I am not going to continue this for long.  FM said she would love to keep in touch as Bea was so special to her, but she didn't send her a birthday card and doesn't seem to worry at all.  Bea has no idea who she is anyway - like Andrea's DD, she came home at 9 months old, so no recollection at all when FM came round when she'd been with us a few months.  I'm only keeping in contact for FM's sake and it doesn't look like she's that bothered.

Anyway, Sanita - I am shocked and appalled at FC... my God, something really should be done about her.  I'm sorry your SW visit didn't go too well.. and I completely understand why you don't really need them any more.  We didn't need any help, but it appeared to be there if we had needed it... whether it would have been I obviously don't know. 

KJ, Shivster and Laine.. SO SO happy to see you all on this thread... look forward to seeing all your updates. 

Laine - so glad to see you are getting on so well.  You sound so happy, it's heart warming.. so happy you are here finally!  I know, today this time last year was our very last day together as a couple.  We met Bea on the Monday, although obviously the official anniversary is now Tuesday, on the 4th.  I cannot believe it.. it has gone so fast. 

Naoise - shock news about BM.  Bea's BM was pregnant when we were going through intros too, but she miscarried at 6 months. Take each day as it comes, but I would hold off telling the girls for a while if you can.  Sounds like you are doing a grand job and don't need them anyway. 

Hello to everyone else.. PBM, Viva, Jilldill (just emailed you), Ever, Magenta, Cindyp, MJ, .  

Ruthiebabe - happy birthday to little Boo and hope the Christening went well.

Love Carole xx


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi,

well we had a busy weekend getting Boo baptised but it all went well....in need of a holiday though! there were a few blips....the priest was sick but luckily managed tog et a stand in. But then the stand in didn't know us so kept making mistakes.....but in the end it was a very chilled out informal ceremony and we all went home afterwards where we ate and drank too much! 

Andrea, congrats on the job....you must be chuffed!

Naoise, i often wonder about whether Boo's BM will get pregnant again.....i know she was trying. And about N asking if you like her, boo used to do a similar thing asking "am i a good boy" every five minutes. Someone suggested instead of just saying "yes of course you are" that we give him specific examples. So maybe that could work for you? Maybe saying "I always like you but especially when you were playing so nicely with your sister/eating your dinner well/whatever she's struggling with at the mo. " It worked for us.

Sanita, i still can't quite believe how crap your SWs are being...but sounds like you're doing a great job with the kids. hopefully you'll be able to concentrate on just that soon!

better get back to it,
xxruthie


----------



## superal

Hi Ruthie - glad things went well for you over the weekend even if some of it wasn't planned!!

I am really chuffed I got the job but I am petrified at the same time..........I think its the fear of the unknown.  Although I have worked with children for the last 7 years at a local day nursery I have never worked in a pre school, I have helped out & I am doing my qualification for a diploma in pre school practice but I am still scared but excited all in one!! 

I am going on an induction week so I will get to know all the staff and the children I will be working with, it's going to be a challenge.

How is everyones little ones in preparation for Christmas.  Our DD is 7 & the magic still lives on, she has 2 advent calenders, a traditional one & a chocolate one and she just loves the whole magical time of the year, she gets that from me not her dad, we call him scrooge!!

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Andrea,

i am sure you will be great at your new job, but is only natural to feel nervous.

Pooh bear is really looking forwad to Chirstmas this year, at the moment it is seeing the new lights going up each day in different places, Father Christmas came to turn our on at the local church last week which he really loved,the other side of this is that we are using the fact that if he is a little monkey and playing up we will phone up father Christmas and tell him!!!   Pinky is to young, but I am not i just love the magic of it all and can't wait to put up tree etc. 

Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


----------



## everhopeful

Hi all

This year, DD seems to really be getting excited about xmas! She's talking about christmas eve and how many carrots should we put out?!! We've always only put one out with the mincepie and milk, and this year she's cottoned on to the fact, there'll be more than Rudolph that'll need feeding!!
She's also decided we might need a magic key for Santa to get in. She said his bum would get stuck down the chimney!!!!  

It's soooo cute! And her big eyes sparkle and light up when we're talking about him coming.  

I can't imagine christmases before. Can anyone else remember pre-children xmas's ??!!  
I know one thing, they were a lot cheaper!!!


----------



## Barbarella

MANY MANY CONGRATS Andrea... well done you!!! 
Have got your email hon and have a cracking story to tell you about the Duran concert (you WILL hate me now) so will email you as soon as I get a chance... with pics!!!!
Love Carole xx


----------



## superal

Barbarella - I'll let you off telling me the "good" news because your going to send some pictures!!

Ever - My childhood Christmases were great, my lovely DH proposed to me on Christmas day so those Christmases were great but the years we were trying for children and then waiting for our children were miserable.  I tend not to remember those ones and only the good ones.

Our best Christmas was the year we told all our family about our DS.  I have told this story so many times, I am sorry if I bore you with it again BUT I typed on a piece of paper the date of birth of our son and just wrote underneath it.......".your new grandsons birthday", I tied it with a red ribbon, put it into a box and gave it to my Mum with a label saying....."save the best till last!"

My Mum opened it all excited having no idea and then burst into tears and gave us a great big hug,it is one of those moments that we will never forget, my DH got out the photo of him and it was tears all around again!! 

Christmas can be miserable without children as at the end of the day its all about the children, the excitement of putting out the carrot and milk.....he's not allowed to have whiskey at our house as DH is a traffic cop & DD doesn't want daddy stopping him for drink driving!! Waking up early on Christmas morning and looking on in amazement at what father Christmas has brought, pretending not to have a clue what is in each parcel!

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## keemjay

Hi all
after getting all cross about sanitas blabbermouth FM  last week (hope her head rolls sanita) now I'm ready to say hello and do my first 'mummy' post 

all is going well with Littlie..we've had her home 8 weeks now and she really has settled beautifully..we couldnt have asked for more. she's such a happy little girl and radiates sunshine wherever she goes.
FM came to visit last week and thought she had really grown up, she's talking loads and just generally more 'little girl' than 'baby' now. Seeing her def triggered something in littlies head..she was all smiles at the door but as soon as she heard her speak she stopped dead and really stared at her..it didnt last for long tho and she was more than happy to play with her and sit on her lap, and waved byebye happily at the end. she did have a rather unsettled night afterwards tho so maybe her little mind was working overtime? she did wake up with a cold the next day tho so maybe she was brewing it and that was making her unsettled? who knows, sometimes you can read too much into these things  
we are seeing the whole foster family at the weekend for a walk..its a bit awkward as they have littlies baby bro (12 weeks) and we're not supposed to be seeing him till they know what the plan for him is (us hopefully!) but as the rest of the family want to see Littlie and they can hardly leave him behind, he'll have to come too! I'm happy to see him but feel like we're being rather 'naughty'. I might cough up to littlies SW later as i hate fibbing..i think she'll be ok. In our opinion Littlie should be having contact with her bro anyway  I think they are just worried about us making an attachment to him in case he doesnt end up with us...

ANYWAY, life is good, dh gets home 4.30 most days so helps with tea and bath which is fab. we're getting out and about alot to friends and toddler groups. 

we're looking forward to Xmas, even tho I havent done a spot of shopping yet  We'll be having xmas at home with  my family coming over and i just cant wait for xmas morning and seeing her under the tree.

was a bit cross this morning, tell me if I'm over reacting..we've been going to a local mother and toddler group with a neighbour who childminds her grand daughter who is same age as littlie..i didnt know anyone else there tho i've got chatting more now. nobody knows who i am or that i've adopted littlie. the lady who runs it came over and said to me this morning 'hows it all going? how long have you had her now? are you finished with all the sw visits?' I'm thinking 'huh?' I've never mentioned anything to her and just answered truthfully but briefly, not knowing what else to say. she then tells me that 'that woman over there has adopted that little boy and is having a bit of trouble with him' and 'arent sw's a nightmare' etc etc I'm a bit peeved cos I really didnt want any old people to know my business and now prob half the toddler group know..this woman obviously doesnt see anything wrong in telling people other peoples business. and i'm interested to know who told her in the first place..prob my neighbour  and i'm cross with myself for not saying something back to her in the vein of 'would you mind not blabbing my private life about cos its littlies choice to tell who she wants when she's older' I guess i'll get over it, its not such a big deal i guess...theres a first time for everything 

andrea you made me cry with your story of telling your family about DS at Xmas..how fab,and i havent heard you tell it before so glad you posted it!

ruthie- glad Boo's baptism went well 

right better get on, SW visit in a while 

love to all
kj x


----------



## naoise

Hi all

Andrea well done on getting your job you will be great 

Keemjay I think you have every right to be peeved it's nobody elses business but your family's. OUr town is quite small and I think everybody knows what we have done so we just have to grin and bear it unfortunately. I was at the vets the other day and she said to me congratulations how is it all going and I thought how does she know apparently my mil told her 

The guardian litum came yesterday to see the girls and talk to us about court I am feeling very nervous about it and she told us that contact could be 5 times a year I can't believe it I didn't think it could be that much. She also said she spoke to the bps and is concerned about his behaviour and attitude, so I think that when the baby is born that they will likely take it away, a large part of me would love them to ask us if we would like to take care of it and then another part is thinking that I have enough on my plate, have to go the girls I think are killin geach other.

Love K


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## sundog

Hi everybody. It just dawned on me that I can now officially post on the Mummies and Daddies thread!

I hope you have all had a lovely Christmas with your kiddlywinks. Little Bird is 8 months old now and has been with us for 8 weeks. We have loved our first Christmas as a family at last - it is what we have been imagining and dreaming of all these years, and now it is finally here it just feels completely normal. In some ways, life before is all rather a blur right now. It is like we are all wrapped up in cotton wool which is very nice of course but in some ways I am hoping the 'mist' will clear soon as I really want to remember the long journey that has brought us here - it is a very important part of what we have now. Not sure if I am making sense...!

On the subject of FCs, we have been wondering how soon it will be 'safe' to take LB to see FCs. We are in regular, phone contact (this is through choice, there is no formal contact in place), send photos and we get on well. However, we want to be confident that a visit to the house and family where he spent the first 6 months of his life will not trigger confusion. Ideally we hope he will have no memory of it at all but it is so hard to know how long it will take for this to be the case. FM called this evening and was dropping hints about us coming over and as they don't drive it will be a meeting at their house. Any thoughts or experiences?

Sanita, we have been thinking of you all over Christmas and hope it has been a happy time for you all. I can only repeat what everyone else has said about FM - I am horrified that she has had the cheek to feed information to BM. I think you are right. You owe nothing to anyone but yourselves and I think you must do what allows you be strong and grow together as a family. 

KJ, blooming cheek of people to spread around your business. I don't know about you, but I am finding it a bit of a learning curve to know when to tell and when not to tell. I am very proud of the way we have become a family and am therefore happy for people to know that LB is our adopted son, but on the other hand i keep trying to remind myself that this is not the only way to define who we are (the all consuming process of getting to this stage can have the tendency to make us forget that ) and in fact we are also a normal loving family, like any other. 

2007 has been an amazing year for us and I am really excited about watching our little boy grow with us in the coming year.

Wishing you all a healthy, happy, beautiful 2008 - Happy New Year!
  

sundog
x


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## sanita

Hello everyone,

Sundog - it's wonderful to hear you sounding so happy, it positively shines out of everything you say.  Re, little birds FC, they do usually say not to have the first meeting back at the FCs house.  Although it's a bit difficult to think how else to do it if they don't drive.  Could you meet up with them at a local park or something, maybe one that has a cafe considering the weather.  If all else fails, considering little birds age I can't see that going to the FCs would be a big issue for him.

We have had a really good Christmas.  Smiling Boy is now the easiest boy in the world to look after.  As long as you keep in mind that he is developmentally equivalent to a 4 year old and treat him as such, then he is a doddle to care for.  My love for him grows and grows.  Last night he asked "How many sleeps till we can go and see the judge and be a real family".  I could have cried with happiness.  He has absolutely blossomed as part of our family.  He does get sad and miss his BF and sometimes he gets angry or sad that things couldn't have been different, I know that this is something that will always cause him pain.  On Boxing Day while we were having dinner he said "This life is great.  Before it was like a bad dream".

Princess continues to be challenging.  She is a very mixed up little girl.  Her behaviour at school towards the end of last term nosedived and when she goes back to school in the New Year they are moving her to a different class as she had become too disruptive.  I don't know how moving her classes will change that, but they are the professionals and I will leave it up to them to figure out how to manage her behaviour in school.  The Head teacher feels Princess needs therapy so I will talk to the SWs about that when they come next week.  At home she is very variable in behaviour, most of the time we have got the measure of her and can keep her under control (not worded well I know, but I think you know what I mean), but some days none of our strategies work and it is just a trial to get through the day and hope that tomorrow will be different.  Princess can be loving, kind, fun, considerate.  What was that saying "When she's good, she's very, very good, but when she's bad, she's awful".  Just about sums it up really.  I do feel bad that I don't have the same intensity of feelings for her that I do for Smiling Boy, but in my defence she really would try the patience of a Saint.

Happy New Year to you all.

Love Sanita xx


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## naoise

Happy New Year everybody!!  

We had a great time last night even though I am suffering for it all now  Not good having three boisterous kids running around when your not feeling the best.

Sanita your life sounds soo like mine N is such a handful as well that we often wonder if we are ever going to get through to her, she has broken some of the santa toys already on purpose the little china teaset that we got T, she would for eg this morning she comes into me in  a really moany voice "get me myt breakfast now" and I said not if you speak to me like that. So she said yes you will right now. So she was sent to her room for a while. Or how she would try and lash out at us. 
Your little boy sounds lovely and you can tell in your post how attached you both are. 
Hope the new year brings you all some happiness and peace! Is that possible with kids in the house.

Hope everybody else is enjoying the holidays.

Love K


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## superal

Sanita & naoise - what you are feeling over princess & N are normal feelings, we all have them its just you are brave enough to say how you are feeling.

Our DS who I would not swap for the world is fast approaching 15 in march, we have had "problems" with him lately which we have put down to his age rather than him being adopted, which with our DS I am sure it is his age BUT my lovely DH who has the patience of a saint (well most of the time!) surprised me the other day when DS did something & DH turned around to me and said I can't wait for him to leave home.........then burst out crying......not like my DH at all............he felt guilty for saying what he did and didn't really mean it but he was subconsciously saying "life would be simpler if he wasn't here!" 

Children are children and will test and push us to our limits, we love them unconditionally and no matter what they will always be our children, we waited a long time for our children and even though that is the case we are still human and have feelings which some times are pushed to the limits and can result in us saying things, like my DH said, that we don't really mean but make us feel better for a short while, I hope you understand what I am trying to say, can't really put it into words. (not like me!!!)

Its a new year & I hope we see in our DS an improvement in his behaviour and his attitude to life rather than like the "Kevin" stroppy teenager we've got at the moment.................it's just a stage, another one we have to get through!!

Love & hugs to you both 
Andrea
xx


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## keemjay

hi all
andrea, you always say such wise things..i hope i'm as wise as you one day  hows did the induction for your new job go..have you started it for real now?

sanita you're sounding much more positive in your post. sorry princess is still so challenging but smiling boy sounds like he's really settled so all credit to you. bought a tear to my eye what he said at dinner 

sundog - i would ask little brids SW what she advises re contact with FC's. we were advised to have contact within 6/8 weeks (because our sw said she didnt think it was right for littlie to think that people just 'disappear')  but on our territory not FC's. but littlie was older than littlle bird so thats not perhaps relevant to you  personally i would try and meet them somewhere neutral if they cant get to you..just to be certain that it didnt unsettle him.

we had a loveky first xmas with littlie, tho tinged with  my general dislike of xmas and with a rather overwhelming sense of exhaustion of the year we've had. i felt rather wrung out but managed to get into the spirit of it all by xmas eve.little was on fine form .she was very funny with her stocking..she was on her usual mission to the top of the stairs to go down for breakfast after a passing glance at all our stockings..when i said, 'shall we sit on mummy and daddys bed and see whats inside?' she said 'no'! i managed to persuade her that there might be chocolate in there which of course changed her mind instantly! she then was very excited to see what we all had...

she loved her new wigwam and kept covering herself up with a blanket in it and saying 'nunnight'. apart from that her fav pressie was a  'fifi and the flowertots' musical book which she sings to all the time..gruesome! (the book not her singing!) she also very much likes the 3 little matchbox cars that father christmas bought her...aah the simple things 
her new word is 'heavy' while she's bringing you something, accompanied by an agonised straining sound and face, very funny and had my family in stitches. 

she's started to get very wilful and testing the boundaries which has been a shock as she's been so lovely up till now. she had a couple of truly awful days at the weekend..no idea whether it was teething, (tho no sign of teeth) the result of overdoing too many people/visitors or what but she wouldnt sleep, or do anything except whinge..if she'd had a temp i'd have sworn she was ill but she didnt. by new years eve i was a wreck, knackered and so overtired i couldnt sleep even when dh took over so i could get some kip..but we managed midnight and bubbles (had the neighbours over) and she slept through phew. she's been fab the last couple of days so seems its passed thank god! all the time at the back of my mind i was think oh my god if this is the 'new littlie', how on earth would i cope with baby bro?  its easy to forget in the middle of bad times that its probably only temporary  having said i am still worried about how i will cope with another so soon and am determined not to let the sw's hurry us along as they seem intent on doing at the mo...grrrr..can you believe our sw actually had the cheek to say to me a couple of weeks ago (when we were talking about the timings of baby bro's poss placement..they say March, we say May)) that we wouldnt be able to delay it too long because they had timescales and laws they have to work to..AFTER ALL THE BLOOMIN MESSING ABOUT THEY DID WITH LITTLIE? I could have   her!!
2nd review in 2 weeks and hopefully the go ahead to get the papers into court for littlie hurrah

anyways, better get on
love to all

kj x


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## Laine

Hi everyone,

Happy New Year  

Sanita - It's good to hear how well Smiling Boy is doing.  I'm sure it's a matter of time before you can say the same for princess.

Sundog - we were asked to meet with Cutie's F.C's, somewhere neutral after 4 weeks and for the same reason KJ's SW gave. 

Andrea - your ds sounds like a 'typical' 15 year old.  Hope you see an improvement in his behaviour soon. Belated Congrats on your job.  

K - sounds like you have your hands full with your 3.  Hope N becomes less of a handful for you.

KJ - Littlie sounds just like Cutie, with being wilful & testing the boundaries.  I put it down to Cutie having gained his confidence and feeling contented.  Stick to your guns with the SW's and placement of baby bro.  You have to feel comfortable.

Hi to everyone else.

We had a magical and wonderful first family Christmas.  Lots of melting moments.  Cutie was the centre of attention with family and a bundle of smiles.  He loves In The Night Garden and shrieked with delight when he opened his Ninky Nonk Train and set of Characters.    

Our second review is due soon, it really does come around quickly 

Laine x


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## saphy75

hi everyone, it's lovely to read this thread and see what great times were had this xmas   we too had a great xmas ds was such a star and loved every minute of it  

pam xx


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## superal

Hi all

Well I have had my first week at work and I have been totally knackered each night!!!  I'm sure once I've got over being the new girl I will be fine.


Luckily my DD has been a star, she has been getting herself ready a lot quicker in the mornings, she has not had the usual one last hug (which I don't mind!) at the school door and she has come out every night saying I've missed you Mummy! (well until daddy comes to collect her from school with me & then I don't get a look in!!)

I don't seem to be seeing much of my lovely DH though due to his shift work and me now having permanent employment, so tonight I will make a special effort to spend time with him.

you know the kind of time we had before we had children!!!   

Hope everyone is OK.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## everhopeful

Hi all 

Just thought I'd report back before I start on the chores  !!
(Any excuse to delay it!!)

DD's always known she's adopted and we talk quite freely about when she came to live with us, it's become apparant that she thinks this is the norm for everyone else too! She asked yesterday if when I was born I went to live with "old grandma" - she means _my _ grandma. I said no, and that when I was born I came out of Grandma's tummy, and she replied "Yes I know that, but when you were a little baby, who did you go and live with then?"
 That stumped me slightly!!
I said "erm., well I lived with Grandma & Grandad, until I was a lady and then I met your Daddy". She just replied "Oh" and I could see her mind racing with questions!

I said to dh last night this could all be stemming from the fact that one of her friend's mum is having a baby, and if in her world every baby goes to live with someone else she'll think it's strange if her friends mum can grow a baby in her tummy and it'll live with them.

Right so now I am going to have to come up with the "not everyone's adopted" line and be ready with it for when her next questioning starts!!
It almost feels like the birds and bees questioning, but she's only 4 !!


----------



## sundog

Just wanted to drop in and say Hi! to everyone - I so rarely get chance at the moment (not helped by seemingly never ending computer problems - the latest of which is when LB knocked a drink over the laptop, but only myself to blame  ).

I haven't managed to catch up properly with everything that's happening so will avoid personals for fear of making an *ss of myself!

Things are great, with Little Bird turning into a toddler almost before our eyes! He learnt to pull himself up to standing about a week ago and now is on his feet at every opportunity. As a friend put it to me, the 'tidemark' has risen, so what seemed like a baby safe house is being continually reassessed! What is it about remote controls and video recorders?

I remember a while back a discussion about meeting foster carers. Well yesterday we visited LBS FCs for the first time since he came home (2 and a half months ago) and as far as I can tell he had no recollection at all which I have to say was a relief. I am happy now that this first visit is out of the way as we hope to be able to stay in touch regularly and from now on this should not be such a big deal. FCs were over the moon to see him - we set it up as a surprise!

Hope to have PCs probs fixed in about a week when the insurance claim comes through!   

sundog
x


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## saphy75

sorry i haven't posted on here for ages but i just have to share this with you

my ds has finally said "love mummy" (well actually he sais uff mummy OMG !! i was    he then went on to say uff daddy and uff blanket and uff underground ernie and several other objects    

pam xx


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## everhopeful

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!    

What a wonderful, memorable moment you've just had!

I remember our first "love you's", and my heart melted just like yours has today!

Saver the moment, they don't stay angelic for long!!


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## superal

AHHHHHH Saphy that is wonderful & such a moment that you won't forget.

I can't remember when our DS told me he first loved me but I can tell you the day time and the moment he told me I smelled like dog pooh!!  Very long story but he couldn't express how he was feeling and every thing at 3½ was linked to dog pooh, LOVELY!!!  

Andrea
xx


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## cindyp

Hello Everyone

I've had so many problems with my PC/telephone line that I haven't been on all year and it will be impossible to catch up on everything but I will try.

Andrea, belated congratulations on your job, sounds like it is going well.  Sorry to hear you've been through the mill a bit with DS.  Like you say it is so hard to say whether it is all down to adolescence or whether adoption plays a part.  We had a similar conversation last week with our therapy support worker regarding DS about is behaviour.  It is sometimes hard to say whether his behaviour is triggered by his AD or his personality or just his age.  Like you we just do our best as parents and deal with each situation as it comes.

Pam that is a lovely post, treasure that moment.

Sundog, LOL at the phrase "the tide is risen".  Hang on to your boots because the waves will soon start crashing   

Ever, you have my sympathies, DS doesn't ask many questions but then he is a boy and us girls are more inquisitive about these things    We've had the coming out of my tummy talk but he hasn't brought the subject up at all.

Naoise, sounds like you have your hands full, are you getting any kind of support from the SS with N?

Sanita, I can so sympathise with your feelings, I love my DS but I don't always like him as it is hard to deal sometimes with the feelings of being rejected that he can make me feel.  Be strong, things have improved for us.

KJ, ah the boundary testing, I can hardly believe that DD was a lovely little baby who just crawled around and smiled a lot.  She is now a stroppy 19 month old who turns on the waterworks if she can't get her own way and will occasionally resort to a slap (that's her not us!).  Everybody comments on her lovely curly hair and she is definitely the girl with the curl "when she is good she is very good and when she is bad she is horrid!".  Hang in there with SS you have to be ready.  You'll be surprised what you can cope with, I have only had 3 unbroken nights sleep in the last year and am surviving JUST!!

JD, is Sunshine still charming everyone she meets?  Any toddler tantrums there?

PBM, how is Pinky?  Is she causing havoc in the house yet?  How is work situation going? Must chat when I can find a moment.

Laine, sounds like you had a lovely Xmas, I'm afraid everytime I see NightGarden I feel it must have been created by somebody on drugs    Fortunately DS prefers Little Bear Stories on Nick Jr and DD is too young to demand TV.

Well we are plodding on as normal.  Moved premises at work so I wasn't able to get on-line there either.  DS's therapy is beginning to pay off.  He still has some AD issues which means he can still be controlling but his relationship with me is so much better and he shows so much more affection to me.  It's amazing how naive we were when he was placed with us as we just put it all down to his personality and I just accepted he would be a Daddy's boy.  As mentioned before DD alternates between being gourgeous and being a proper little madam.  We still haven't cracked her refusal to sleep through the night in her own room but will tackle it again in the Easter holidays.

I don't know about anyone else but I'm loving the sunshine and hating the cold.

love to all
Cindy


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Cindy,

Great to see you back on line. Pinky is fine thanks, but like you she can be such a madam. She is 14 months now and in the last 2 weeks she has really started being a monkey. The waterworks are classic, big fat tears rolling down her cheeks and she too has started swinging her arm as if to hit. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am putting this down to her being a girl and wanting to be much more independant but when she smiles your heart just melts. Pooh bear is being really good which helps.

Glad to read that the therapy is working with Junior.

Chat soon 

PBMx


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## Ruthiebabe

hi,

cindy something in your post has rung a bell with me about Boos behaviours. which has been starting to get more noticable lately, and that is that he's quite a mummy's boy. Part of me loves it but when i think how DH must feel (and how i would feel if it was the other way around....i'd be gutted). Is this sort of behaviour somehting to be concerned about.....or at what stage/level should it be considered worrysome?

Are there particular stratgies that might help prevent it getting to a worryesoem stage?
thanks,
Ruth


----------



## cindyp

Hi Ruth, it's a lot more common for children to be attached to their Mum than their Dad and is less likely to be a sign of any AD.  Traditionally Dads are at work so most of their time is spent with you.  It doesn't sound too concerning to me, how clingy is Boo?  Cuddles is a lot more clingy to me than her Dad, she is fine with him if I'm not around but will always go to me first.  The classic is if we take the kids to bed at the same time.  When that happens DH says goodnight to Junior and then takes Cuddles to bed.  I get Junior to sleep and then go to see DH and Cuddles, as soon as she sees me she starts crawling towards me and says "Bye bye" to Daddy.  That said we have no attachment fears with Cuddles and when I am at work she is fine with her Dad. 

Junior was off with all women, not just me but as I said before we were naive and just put it down to his personality.  Also my DH used to be a lot softer than me and I had to be the one to do most of the telling off.    That said it doesn't hurt for your DH to try some tactics to improve the bond with Boo.  It's a bit of a cliche and may be something he already does, but one-on-one quality time has worked for me and Junior.  Playing lots of baby games like Peek a Boo, baking together, cuddling in front of the TV.  If you still have some concerns read the Caroline Archer book "Parenting the Child that Hurts - toddlers and tykes".  If we had read that before Junior's placement we may have picked up on his AD a lot earlier.  Unfortunately AD was only briefly touched on during our prep and we thought that it mainly affected older children not a child who had only been with BM for 3 months.  Now I've read a lot more and am aware that it is those first few months that have the main impact.

I'm sure everything is fine but I do think that us adoptive Mums can be a little more sensitive to what is going on in our little ones' heads.  All part of the fun.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk further.

love
Cindy


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## cindyp

PBM, it's a bit scary isn't it?  I'd heard that girls could be worse than boys when it comes to tantrums but when they are darling little babies you don't believe your DD will be like that.  Especially when they look as cute as our daughters do.  

DH mentioned her behaviour to a colleague at the school and she said "well she's a girl, isn't she".  She is just so determined to get her own way.  We make her say sorry now when she hits out (she says Soso) and she would say it and then hit you again so now we make her give a kiss and cuddle too.  Sometimes she will do it straight away and sometimes she will stick her bottom lip out and refuse to cuddle.  Junior is reasonably good, he is on the receiving end most of the time when she wants something he's got and he rarely retaliates.  That said when she is doing something she shouldn't do, like pulling all the books off the bookcase or turning the TV on and off, he laughs and encourages her to do more  .  Now she's turned 18 months we are using the naughty step which is having a small degree of success.  Mind you last night she threw the Sky remote into the kitchen sink in a fit of temper, we had to wait 24 hours for it to dry out!!.

Oh well, she does look beautiful in her lovely girlie clothes and anyway we're stuck with her now  

Cindy


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## naoise

HI all

I have just written a long post and have lost it by trying to put a smiley face on. Aaagghh!!
But jsut wanted to say it is great to see we are all enjoying the trials and tribulations of motherhood, my girls really do push me to the limit, when T gets into trouble she gives the look, strokes your arm and says I Love you, just to try to melt you, it works  sometimes. I think girls are so much more complex at times than boys my girls anyway so much more sneaky hard to keep on top of their mischief. I dread to think what it will be like when they are 18, 17 and 16 wanting to go out on the town, I will probably not sleep till they get home.

Must go the girls are fighting as usual.

LOve K


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## Laine

Hi everyone,

Just a quick catch up......

Ever - hope you hear good news tomorrow  

Magenta - good luck with the potty training.  Thinking of starting with Cutie soon!

K - really admire your with your three girls.  I can only imagine how trying it must be for you at times, keep up the good work.

Cindy P - lovely to see you back posting. Pleased to hear that Ds's therapy is helping.  Hope you manage to get DD to sleep in her own room.  I know what you man about 'In the night Garden', I wasn't keen at first either.

LB - how's your little man doing?  How's he getting on in his big boy bed?

Viva - how you doing?

Pam - oooo what a mummy moment.  I can't wait to hear Cutie say 'love you mummy' to me.

KJ - you sound so happy with Littlie.  Hope everything goes how you want it to with baby bro, and that you get your court date for Littlie soon.

C - thinking of you and Bea  

Jill - how's Sunshine?

Sanita - how are you getting on with Princess and Smiling Boy?

Sundog - how's Little Bird?

Ruthie - I've always been told that boys tend to be mummies boys and girls daddys girls.  

PBM - it's nice to hear that Pinky has settled and Pooh Bear is being a good boy for you.  

Hello to anyone who I've missed.

We had our second review recently, and have formally applied to the Court to adopt Cutie   

Cutie is a really lovely little boy, who can be mischievious at times  He has started to try to climb out of his cot bed and managed to get his leg stuck between the bars.  I ended up having to saw the bar to release it!  As well as this, he started to pull off his gro bag and then his sleepsuit.  Anyway, I sewed his gro bag, and all three problems have been resolved (for now).   I expect we will need to look at big boy bed soon    

Laine x


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hope you get a court date soon.

It is such a special day.

PBMx


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## cindyp

Ditto, Laine, hope you get a Court date soon.  I can sympathise with the cot situation.  We ended up putting DS in a bed when he turned two because at a similar age to Cutie he had mastered climbing out of his travel cot and almost climbing out of his cot so well that it became scary.  Best of luck  

Cindy


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## Barbarella

Thanks for thinking of us Laine...   back to you and Cutie.  Best of luck with the court date, hope it's not too far away... such a lovely lovely day..  

Bea climbed out of her cot when she was about 16 months, but luckily that was the only time she did it.. so she's still in her cot at the moment (for as long as we can draw it out).  She also took off her nightsuits but has stopped doing that now too.. lol.  Now that has been replaced by pooing in the bath - lovely!!  LOL. 

Anyway, thanks again for thinking of us.  

C xx


----------



## sundog

Hi ladies (and gents..?).

I have to say, the cot thing is a bit of a worry, but mainly cos DH keeps forgetting to put the side up at night. Who would think he worked in health and safety  . I have stuck a 'post-it' on the bedroom door with a drawing of a babe flying through the air over a cot side as a visual reminder - seems to be working so far!

I feel like I am falling deeper in love with LB every day. He has such a wicked (in the nicest possible way) little personality and cracks up laughing at every little thing the dog does which is very contagious    . I feel like I have a special little companion with me every day and it's so great having him around.

Had a lovely 'first' today - he was sick in my ear, yes, you heard me right, my EAR    We were out dog walking with him riding on my back at the time. It has been a very windy day here and all of a sudden I felt this warm sensation in my right ear. Next moment that sour yukky smell reached me! He had not a drop on him but I was covered - the wind had carried it straight out of his mouth and splat onto me. The worst part is I had no tissue or anything on me so had to use my coat sleeve. Have you ever tried getting sick out of an ear? Not easy, trust me.    

sundog
x


----------



## TraceyH

Hi all

Laine - Hope you get your court date soon.  It will be such a special day to remember.  

Cindy - Glad you are back on line and that DS's therapy appears to be paying off.  Keep up the good work.

Barbarella - Pooing in the bath - nice!

Sundog - sick in your ear - lovely!  

As for the cot situation.  We put our little one in a child's bed when he was just over 2 years old (he is 2 1/2 now).  We only had 2 nights where he got out of bed initially but once put back and he fell asleep he didn't get out until the morning.  He now snuggles straight down after milk and story.  We did put a stair gate on his bedroom door just in case and he could call us rather than wandering around half asleep.

Best wishes to everyone else on this huge learning curve.

Tracey x


----------



## HHH

I am nearly a fully fledged adoptive parent...placement date 12th March.....so thought i would come and join this thread.

And thankyou Sundog you have just made me laugh out loud and i am still giggling..your story of sick in ears is just priceless!!   

I hope this is a first I miss out on with my little one!

HHH


----------



## shivster

HHH 
Congratulations - enjoy your introductions!  

They are tiring emotionally draining but the start of a good heap of memories you will have as a family


----------



## superal

Its always lovely to come on here and read what wonderful times everyone is having, even the poohing in the bath for little Bea, nice one for you to clear up Barbarella & sundog with her DS sick in her ear.

Nearly as good as my DD being ill last week and being sick on my hands!  She was going to be sick & we got to the bathroom just in time but no where for her to actually be sick so she just threw up onto my hands.............DH says I shouldn't complain as i did that to him once due to alcohol!! 

My family are out in the back garden, diggin the soil up & DD is collecting worms!! YUCK, she is rescuing them from her Daddy & his spade! Hopefully come the summer we will have our lovely back garden back where I'll be able to sit in the sunshine   some of you may remember that we had an extension built last year and the garden we had was left in a right mess!

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## magenta

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to share some good news.  

My little girl is normal and average...yes...nothing special about her at all 

Hee hee hee

She just had her latest Griffiths Test through the hosptial to check development (development delays) and saw the community health doctor to check attachment etc etc and they have said they don't need to see her again as she shows 'no signs of development delay or learning difficulties or attachment issues' yippeeeeeee . 

What a turn around from the previous diagnoses of mild/moderate learning difficulties and 'shows global delay' she is well within 'average development for age and stage' (obviously at the lower end but I really don't care at all I am just sooooooo over the moon delighted for my wee girl that she has progressed so well).  So it goes to show that sometimes God provides more than you could ever have expected.

She apparently 'astounded' the doctor who said she couldn't believe it was the same child she has assessed from birth to now and she was surprised how well she has progressed.  So yes - the future is bright the future is 'average'...hurrahhhh.

Proud mummy magenta xx


----------



## everhopeful

So pleased for you Magenta!!!

Just shows that our little girls can fight to prove the "professionals" wrong!!

You must be so proud and so happy.

Love to all of you  

x


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi Magenta,

that's fantastic news......you and your DH should be very proud of yourselves for all the work and love and nurturing you've done must have worked wonders!

xxruthie


----------



## jilldill

Magenta,
What really wonderful news I am so delighted for the three of you. 
Love JD x


----------



## saphy75

magenta that is fantastic news hun, what a clever little girl you have there  and what an excellent job you and dh must be doing well done all of you  

pam xx


----------



## superal

Magenta that is fantastic news & I am so happy to read this news.

I think quiet too often children can be labelled with this name and that & its great when children prove the so called professionals wrong!!

Well done to you & your DH who have done such a wonderful job & continue to do so such a wonderful job of bringing your DD up!

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## LB

Laine - hope you hear about your court date soon it will be a really special day in your journey 

we had our date just before Christmas and a fantastic day - after the hearing we took Nana and Granda and Grandma and SW for a meal and we all had a lovely afternoon.

Magenta - great news i am so happy for you all.

Bubs is settling into pre school - he goes Thur and Fri morning and he loves it.
I am now back to work Part time so life feels back to normal whatever normal was 

My Dad is doing really well now apart from a water infection bless him!

big hello to everyone

take care folks
LB
X


----------



## Lynnm

Hello

Magenta - That is fantastic news   You must be so proud of her.  Well done to you and your DH for the love and commitment you have shown.

Lynn x


----------



## Viva

Hi all, 
Well, we have our court date through which is fantastic!!! We go to court next Tuesday and after all the waiting it all seems to have come through really quickly not that I am complaining! We have a lovely day planned with the children, their grandparents and soem of their Aunties and Uncles, and we can't wait to know that legally are completely ours and we are a one surname family (as opposed to 3 surname family!) 
Things are really good at the moment Charlie continues to test boundaries from time to time (well most days  ) but the major tantrums are few and far between these days and most of the time he is the talkative, funny, cheeky little boy that we know him to be. Yesterday he was asking me about Godmothers, what they are, does he have one? I did my best to explain, I mentioned that his Auntie Susie might be his Godmother...much later..."but Mummy Auntie Susie can't be my Godmother she doesn't have wings!!!" Lola is a cutie although she seems to be taking after her brother with the tanties and really knows how to turn on the tears if she doesn't get what she wants, she had me perplexed this morning as she kept holding her palm up to me and saying 'Teddy' until I clicked that we'd just started doing 'round the garden like a teddy bear' and it was her way of saying she wanted to play.

Magenta, wonderful news about Bubbles, it must be so rewarding to see how she's developed under your love and care and wonderful to have the recognition of her development  by the professionals too, it's great to think that she will be entering her school years without any unhelpful labels.

Hi to everyone and to those waiting on your court dates, I hope they come through soon.
Viva
X


----------



## superal

Viva - CONGRATULATIONS on a date for court, it will be a wonderful day & YES its nice to have a one surname family!!

Laughed at the bit about Lola wanting to play round and round the garden like a teddy bear by lifting her hand up and saying teddy.............a crystal ball sometimes comes in handy when you have children!!

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## keemjay

great news Viva - wow they turned that around quick..am jealous  look foward to hearing all about your special day..have the kids got something nice to wear ? 

magenta - no wonder you are proud, you've clearly put in a huge amount of effort and support to your little girl and now its paid off, well done to you  

kj x


----------



## TraceyH

Hi All

Viva - Good news on the court date.  Have a lovely day.

Magenta - Good news about Bubbles, you and DH are obviously doing a fantastic job.

Tracey x


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

Magenta - your dd is a credit to you both.  Lovely to read your news.

LB - pleased Bubs is enjoying pre school.  

Viva - Tuesday will be so very special for you all.  Look forward to hearing about it.  

Tracey - glad your little one is over Chicken Pox.

HHH - how's things?

Hi to everyone else.

We received a letter from the Court advising that one of the sw's had asked for an extension (due to Easter) to get her report in.  I would have thought that having had six weeks + already, would have been long enough!  Hopefully we'll hear about our court date soon.  

Happy Easter everyone!

Laine xx


----------



## Viva

KJ, yes have some very cute outfits for the littlies. Charlie has a very cute and cool blazer, probably with smart jeans and a T-shirt and his converse, Lola has a red and white polka dot skirt, white top, and little black Mary Jane shoes. Me, I don't have clue!!! Shopping with my two is not particularly relaxing unless it's for them! 
Laine, I do hope that your SW's get going, our SW was fab but the childrens SW pretty much went to the wire with her bit, very frustrating, thankfully once the paperwork was in the courts issued the date pretty quickly!
Viva
X


----------



## Barbarella

Hi everyone

Lovely to hear how everyone is getting on.  My heart filled with joy when reading your post Magenta... Bubbles is an absolute credit to you and it's fantastic to see what love, nurturing and attention can do for a child. It's really heart warming.

Bea is now 2 yrs old.. on Monday.  We had a lovely day, took 5 of her friends to a great soft play place (we don't go very often, but she loves it when we do) and then a tea party for grandparents and aunties.  She is such a cutie and dh and I often catch ourselves looking at each other thinking "how did this happen"?  We just adore her more each day and she is such a clever little girl. We are giving Jo Jingles a miss now as the woman who runs it said that she was picking it up too quickly and she needed to go up a class.  3 weeks later she said they can't keep up with her and perhaps she needed a break.  Of course, paranoid Mum thinks "why doesn't she want her in the class" but actually I know she is just bored. She says "yuk" when I tell her we're going.  So we're going to give gym tots a go... much more her style, she is a rough and tumble tomboy.. lol. 

HHH - loving that you are now a Mum... can't wait to hear your next installment.

Tracey - thanks so much for the mention, hope you are ok.

Superal - hope you got my email, was a while ago. We are having our garden done as well, starting next Monday.  We can't wait - it's a big job and a long time coming... 

Laine - hope you and Cutie are ok... 

Viva - congrats on the court date... 

Take care everyone.. xxxx


----------



## HHH

Magenta - what wonderful news about yout little girl.....

Viva - have a great 'Court' day

LAine - thanks for thinking of us

Barabrella - I CAN'T believe she is 2 already!! glad you had a lovely day

Well.......here we are mummy and daddy of 8days!! And its been wonderful and terrifying. BBB is completely gorgeous and such a star. Unfortunately on day 4 he showed us just exactly what the terms projectile vomiting and explosive diarrhoea meant! OMG it was eveywhere! And the poor little chappie didn't stop being sick for nearly 48 hrs - as he couldn't keep any liquid down he started to get dehydrated so we were referred to hospital, kept in for observations but luckily came home to sleep as the boy started keeping down some fluids! Talk about an anxious few days - my head is just starting to relax!

He's still soooo sleepy and only eating baby rice and mashed potato! yesterday we tried him on some pasta and tomato sauce but that just came straight back up! ( the washing machine has never been so busy!)

He is on the mend thankfully and fingers crossed he will be back to our bright and bubbly BBB ASAP. Maybe he was just testing us - see how you cope with this then parents!! ( Hope we passed his test!)

Have a good easter weekend all

HHH


----------



## Barbarella

Oh noooo HHH.. that's awful.  Yep I think you passed the test... am sure with flying colours.  Poor BBB.. hope he's feeling better today. 
Cxx


----------



## cindyp

Hi Ladies

Been away for a while, PC problems again   

HHH, how horrible for you.  I can sympathise with you, we had a similar situation with Cuddles just a few weeks after we brought her home.  In fact the sickness and diorrhea started whilst I was at the FF event last March.  Glad he is feeling better now and that you are settling in to family life.

Magenta, that is fantastic news, Bubbles is such a credit to you.  You and your DH must be so proud.

Viva, hope you had a great day at Court, I'm sure you did.  LOL at your description of Lola, sounds like my DD.  I often describe her as my little Drama Queen 'cos she always turns on the waterworks if she cannot get her own way.

Carole, can you believe how long you've had Bea now?  

Laine, how annoying that they are dragging out your Court Date, I hope you hear soon.

LB, glad your DS is enjoying pre-school, however I have to ask Normal?  Is there a normal with kids, am I missing out?   

Andrea, sorry to read that DD was poorly, did she enjoy Easter, how was DS?  He may be a teenager but I bet he didn't turn down Easter eggs.

Tracey, Ruth, JD, Pam, Shivster, Sundog, PBM, Lorna hope you and your families are all well.

We've had a mixed month.  We had arranged to go to our friend's birthday and unfortunately his Dad died a few days earlier so we stayed longer to attend the funeral.  We ended up staying at my parent's house for 4 nights which is the longest we have stayed there.  It was a bit stressful for all concerned.  They love the kids but like a lot of people in their 60's they prefer them in smaller doses.  Also their house isn't totally child friendly.  I tried to take the kids out as much as I could to soft play areas, etc but it wasn't he most relaxing of stays even without having to attend a funeral.

Having loads of fun with Cuddles at the moment, she really is a character.  She's definitely hit the terrible two stage even though she isn't two yet.  Waterworks start whenever she cannot get her own way.  She also wants to climb onto the kitchen table every time I turn my back.  She's just got over a sickness bug (one of the drawbacks of attending a nursery two mornings a week is all the bugs that come around).  Although we were worried it could have been a touch of food poisoning.  My DH had swept out the pantry floor and collected some old muesli kept for the birds that had fallen on the floor.  He threw it in the kitchen bin, went to do some more and when he turned around she had her hands in the bin and had put some in her mouth  .  Cannot count the number of times she has had my purse out of my handbag and pulled all my credit cards out, God help me when she knows what do do with them  

DS starts a morning at school next week, we went and had a chat with his new teacher who seemed very nice.  It's going to be hard at first because he finds it very hard to adapt to new situations but I know we will get through it.

Had a mad moment today, had both kids for the whole day to myself (DS's pre-school was closed for Easter but unfortunately DH's school doesn't close till DS goes back!!).  On the spur of the moment I decided to drive us 90 miles to the seaside.  It was worth it as we had a great time, DS loved playing in the sand, wish we lived near the sea.  Looking forward to our holiday in Spain in 8 weeks, Cuddles passport arrived today.  We are sharing a villa with a pool (good old Tesco Deals purchase) with some friends and their kids, can't wait although the flight might be fun with two under 5's  .

I hope I have more luck getting on again so I can try and keep up with everyone's news.

love to all.
Cindy


----------



## Viva

Hi Everyone, 
Finally a little bit of time to try and post...have been having a rather busy couple of weeks...court was great, the judge was lovely and everyone made us feel really special, even if it did feel a bit strange being all celebratory with everyone else walking around all po faced. We were fortunate in that all of the Grandparents and most of the Aunties and Uncles were able to join us for the day, afterwards we took Charlie and Lola to a local animal park and then home for a tea party where for once they were allowed to eat as much cake/crisps as they wanted!!! Charlie was in heaven!   We gave them a present each Lola a Wheely bug and Charlie a smallish trampoline which have both been big hits. This all came after the Easter weekend when they had been visiting my parents, going to the beach, staying up late for the first time for their uncles 30th and being given loads of Easter eggs (most of which are still sitting waiting to be eaten in small amounts!) so unsurprisingly it's taken a little while to get back to normal. This weekend DH is off to deliver a Fire Engine to Albania, driving it across Europe and we are off to my parents after my nephews first birthday party, so more upheaval...too much stuff all coming at the same time really but they are taking it all in their stride and coping very well on the whole. DH is giving Charlie his watch to look after whilst he is away and we will be plotting his progress on a map and being in regular contact via phone and email, if anyone else has any good ideas for reassuring a 4 year old it would be great to hear them.

Well enough about me...
Cindy, it seems Lola and Bubbles have lots in common...can I ask has she fallen off the kitchen table yet? Lola has had a very narrow escape, I caught her arm just in time, but she has slipped off the chair a couple of times...and then there was the day she decided to help herself to the bin, toast crusts the first time...not too bad...the second helping was coffee grounds...yuk yuk yuk...hasn't done it again though funny that! Charlie is also starting school mornings after the holiday, will feel strange having Lola around on her own, normally she naps whilst Charlie is at nursery in the afternoon.

HHH, it sounds as if you've managed wonderfully, we've been so lucky to escape illness so far and despite being a nurse I would have felt wobbly having to deal with that so quickly after being placed, hopefully you have loads of fun stories to tell now too!

Barbarella, Bea sounds like such a Character, hopefully Gym tots will be perfect for her, I can't believe how old she is now, I remember so clearly when you were matched with her and it still sounds as if it was a match made in heaven.

Hi to everyone else, Charlie's last day at nursery today so off to see him having his leaving presentation in an hour!
Love Viva
XXX


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

HHH - sorry to hear about BBB....you certainly sound like you coped very well    How are things going?

Cindy - Cuddles does sound like a real character.  Hope your DS's first day at school went ok? 90 miles to the seaside wow!  Glad it was worth it for you all.  Holiday to Spain on Clubcard vouchers can't be bad either.

Kj -any news on your court date?

Barberella - how's Bea getting on at Gym Tots?  

Viva - sounds like you all had a really special celebration at court....wonderful! Lovely idea about the pressies and eating as much cake/crisps as Charlie & Lola wanted.  Hope your dh has a safe journey to Albania  

Hi to everyone else.  Hope youre all ok?

Well, at last we have our court date.  It's Tuesday and I have to say that once the paperwork was all in, we found out pretty quickly.  Really looking forward to the day and hearing Cutie is officially ours.  Keep changing my mind about his outfit and mine (the weather going from warm to cold doesn't help!)  We're all going for a pizza after, cracking open the bubbly later, and Cutie is going to get a special pressie to mark the day.

Laine xx


----------



## naoise

Hi girls

I am stranger again to posting with one thing and another. Life seems to be soo hectic all the time.
The girls are doing really well and are enjoying school and now we have swimming lessons and gymnastic classes as well to run to. But we are all enjoying it. Our court date is likely to be called off again it is meant to be in May but yesterday the sws said that it might not happen. Very frustrated as it means the monthly contact with bps will continue and N's behaviour will be mad after it. Then they hit us with the fact that we have to meet bps. I am really nervous don't know why really dh says what have you to nervous about you have done nothing wrong, which I know is right but I still am. Has anyone else had to do this? How did you get on? I'm sure it is nothing to be worried about but I'm a worrier.

HHH congrats on your little one hope is feeling better and it sounds like you have done a great job.

Cindy all that way to the seaside you deserve a medal hope the  weather was good. Hope you enjoy your hols.

Barbarella I sent T to jojingles for a while but she got bored as well and would have just lay on the floor so I gave up in the end, hope Bea likes gym tots abit more activity.

Viva congrats on the court sounds like you all had a great time.

Magenta you must be doing a fantastic job well done to the both of you.


----------



## HHH

HI all advice please from other mummies

BBB has his first case of what i can only deduce is nappy rash...his poor bum looks red and sore.....what should i do Have been whacking on the sudocrem......should i be doing anything else? What tips have you expereinced ladies got??

Apart form that...al is VERY well here. Our little family just goes from strength to strength....its a new chapter from tomorrow as mummy and BBB will be on their own as daddy goes back to work...toddler groups here i come!!

Thanks All
HHH


----------



## superal

Hi HHH

Poor BBB, sudocream is great but you may want to call at your local chemist tomorrow and see if they can suggest some thing else.

Changing nappies more frequently so BBB is not in them for long once he has done his "business"" not just number 2's!!  As I am sure you change them straight away. 

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## everhopeful

Hi all
It seems so long since I posted anything.

Our family is getting along very well indeed. Almost 3 years together! Isn't it scary how quickly the time flies? And DD is not far from starting school  
It's funny how grown up she thinks she is already, and how very seriously she takes it! We get told off if we laugh at her little ways  
Only 4 weeks away now from starting intro's again for #2 !!! OMG!!!!   Scary!!
Looking forward to it very much and excited to meet #2, but in a way slightly sad that this is the end of an era (ie, just us 3 as a family) Am I crackers?!

HHH - oooh! I've been warned about the nappy rash thing, and FM has advised me already to get some "superduper" cream for extra sore bums.....
Metanium - I found some at Boots!

Hi to everyone else out there. Off to make a cuppa and put DD to bed.

Ever x


----------



## TraceyH

HHH

Bepanthan is good for nappy rash.  You can get it from Boots.

Tracey x


----------



## HHH

Thanks girls for the advice...of to the chemist quick smart...

HHH & BBB


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

Our news is that at last Cutie is officially ours  

The court hearing lasted fifteen minutes, was lovely and everything went really well.  

Cutie was sitting on daddy's lap,  tapping his fingers on the desk before the Judge arrived, then he watched the Judge intently!

It's made everything complete, and feels wonderful to legally be mummy to Cutie  

Laine xxx


----------



## Ruthiebabe

cpngratulations laine....hope you have some lovely celebrations planned for this evening!

xruth


----------



## superal

CONGRATLATIONS Laine & DH on the legal adoption of cutie!

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## TraceyH

Laine

Congratulations.  Hope you have had a wonderful celebration.

Tracey x


----------



## Old Timer

Laine

Congratulations on being legal!

Love
Ot x


----------



## Suzie

Laine 

x


----------



## HHH

Congratulations Laine.....must be a great feeling.....  

HHH


----------



## everhopeful

Congratulations Laine and DH!

It's just the icing on the cake isn't it? 

Legally a forever family  

Love and best wishes

xx


----------



## Dee

*Cash prizes on offer .... http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=135195.0*


----------



## saphy75

congratulations Laine, it's great when it's all legal isn't it  

pam xx


----------



## keemjay

Laine.. great news
we're not far behind you 

kj x


----------



## Viva

Sounds like you had a great day Laine. 
It's a great feeling isn't it? 
Great to hear that it's your turn soon KJ.
Viva
X


----------



## shivster

Congratulations Laine.

We are looking forward to our day in court hopefully by august...

Hello to everyone - sorry I haven't been around for a while. We are well and little bear is fantastic and DH and I are loving being parents.

xx S


----------



## keemjay

YAY we've got there at last too   
sorry being lazy, just pasting this from the adoption journeys thread

we had a lovely day..though it started out extremely stressful as got stuck in dreadful traffic and nearly missed our blooming time slot which was 9.30  left 1 hr 15 mins for a 25 min journey but it just wasnt enough..we had no idea if they'd wait for us or not..we didnt even know where we were going, just the street name, there was no room whatsoever for getting lost! we parked up in some leisure centre 2 mins after we were supposed to be there..picture the 2 of us in our smart clothes, running down the road with littlie in the pushcahir yelling 'omg which bl00dy building is it?' as they all looked like office blocks! we screeched thru the door, both dying for the loo just as littlies sw came down looking worried but saying 'dont worry they will wait' PHEW!!!! never been so stressed in my life!
anyway it all went fine after that..it was very quick, just a quick chat with the judge, littlie went all coy and wouldnt talk  we'd been coaching her to bow and say 'your honour'  and she was doing it brilliantly at home but of course did not perform..she did bow to him tho from my arms..she was very smiley and happy though! we took photos with the judge and downstairs with sw and the crest and that was it! we went for coffee and cake and then popped into our adoption toddler group where we had 'congratulations' sung to us. then we went to the farm and had a lovely picnic with bubbles and yummies to eat. amazingly it didnt rain after it had poured in the morning..
so all in all a lovely day despite the beginning 

so the moral of the story is stay the night in a hotel next to the court if you've got an early morning appt!!! 

kj x


----------



## Viva

Brilliant news KJ, sounds like you've had a wonderful day!

I'm afraid I'm now going to post a bit of a me post. Charlie started school last week and is presently going mornings only as oppossed to his afternoons at nursery. His behavious has significantly regressed and he is trying to be controlling and getting very angry being physically and verbally aggressive to me when I discipline him. I think alot of this is because I am now at home jsut with Lola in the mornings (she naps in the afternoon) and he really feels jealous and like he is missing out. I am trying to be really fair and consistant and as well as the disciple am trying to have quality time with him and to keep reassuring him that he is loved. When he hits out I take him to his room until he is able to be calm, I feel this is the safest place for both of us as otherwise I start to get really angry too. I would really love to hear any of your thoughts, insights or expereinces. Am going to contact my SW too so hopefully we will move forwards.

Hope you are all good.
Viva
X


----------



## Suzie

KJ - Woo hoo  sounds like a great day after the stressful getting there 

Viva - I get only give you advice from a foster carers view and sometimes children who come from look after backgrounds ( as in foster care etc) really struggle with changes and changes like school for some of them are huge. I know it is easier said than done but it will work itself out but might take some time. Try and stand firm with the discipline and the way you are dealing with it . 
My little one I have at the moment really struggles with any type of change such as nursery etc and takes him a good couple of weeks to start to settle even a little bit.  
Is there anything at school you can think ff that is distressing him? another child or situation?

sorry cant be much help 

xx


----------



## Viva

Thanks Suzie, I know that one of his little friends is finding it really hard at the moment and being very tearful, whcih may be having an impact too on him, my Mum has suggested having a chat with his teacher to see how things are going at school which I think I will do just to be sure that there isn't anything at school.
I do know that it will work out and that this isn't the 'real' Charlie we are seeing at the moment, but it's good to be told that too if you know what I mean.
Thanks for the hug!
Viva
X


----------



## everhopeful

Hi Viva

I know that children react differently to all different scenerios and changes. I didn't see DD's change in mood coming, it was like, overnight.
Started about 2/3 weeks ago and she's developed into a very aggresive and angry young lady, extra extra bossy and defiant. She's answering back non-stop and argues? OMG! She argues every single point! Every now and again, I get a glimpse of the little angel in there, but it's rare!
It's only 3 weeks from us starting intros for newbie and I;m sure this is where it's coming from. People keep saying to me "Ooh, well yes, you will get this when the baby comes" - erm, is this just the start then??!  
I have been reassured that this new stronger willed persona isn't merging over into her nursery life (thank God!), her teachers haven't seen a change in her behaviour, so at least we know it's just with us!!

I am confident that my DD will settle down back into the loveable and sociable child she once was! And likewise, I'm sure that this is just a period of uncertainty and unsettlement for your DS and he'll soon come back once he feels settled again. Routine is the key, but I know it'll take a while to get things back to "normal" at home.

Go easy on yourself, everything will come together. 

x


----------



## naoise

VIva I know what you are going through N can be the same, she is soo argumentive at times and will argue with me over the slightest thing and slamming doors. We have a standing joke in our house that when she huffs she gives us all the Mick Jagger lips. She does it mainly when she is tired and I find the longer the school week goes on the  more frequent her moods change so I put it down to tiredness. I just ignore her temper tantrums were possible as the therapist we have seen has said that because she had no childhood when she was at home she is regressing to her terrible twos now, lucky us we are going to have this three times over and if things go the way they are then we might have it four times . I am sure you are doing the right thing removing Charlie from the situation as I know only to well how gettin angry and shouting really does not help. Hope things get better soon Oh the joys of motherhood.

Love K


----------



## cindyp

Hi all, stranger here doing a quick post because I'm at work.

Laine and KJ so pleased to read your news.  Many congratulations on reaching that final milestone.

Viva, I can so sympathise.  It sounds like you are doing the right things.  We contacted After Adoption support to help us deal with his controlling and occasionally agressive behaviour which deteriorated after Cuddles arrival.  Unfortunately changes in routine can set him off and he has also started school integration and goes Tuesday morning/Friday afternoon.  That means Monday/Thursday nights are a real battle when his anxiety levels start rising.  He has to be peeled off me when we arrive at school however I am told he is fine once he has been there a few minutes.  It is worth having a word with Charlie's teacher to discuss how he is at schoold and also to get a good idea on what the routine is there.  Junior's teacher kindly offered to let me come and take some photos of the class/school to discuss with him.  Like you I take him away into another room when he starts kicking off (sometimes literally) and try to stay calm.  This is sometimes easier said than done when I've been up most of the night with a teething toddler.  I've read a few books, a couple of recent reads which I've found helpful are "New Families, Old Scripts" by Caroline Archer and "The Science of Parenting" by Margot Sunderland.  I'm hoping things will become easier when Junior starts shool full time and hopefully adjusts to the situation.  He is lucky as we are in a small school and most of his new classmates are at playgroup with him.  Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing but it doesn't hurt to contact Social Services to see what support is available with you.  If you want to PM me to discuss further feel free, our kids are the same age so I have a fair idea of what you are going through.

On our home front DD has entered the terrible two's and is still not sleeping through the night.  We have tired dummy weaning as they were both waking in the night wanting us to put their dummies back in (despite having them chained to their pyjamas).  They have got used to the lack of dummies but are waking up around 5.30am every morning and DD is still waking through the night.  As you can imagine my energy levels are pretty low at the moment dealing with this and DS's anxiety attacks hence my lack of posting.  I'm not looking forward to the fact that DS has to go into hospital in June to have his tonsils/adenoids taken out but hopefully in the long run it will help with his sleeping.

On a more cheerful note, I'm really looking forward to our holiday in Spain in 3 weeks.

Hope everybody else is well.  Better get back to work (I'm on lunch).

love to all
Cindy


----------



## TraceyH

Hi All

KJ - Congratulations. It sounds like you had a lovely day.

Viva - It sounds like Charlie is just going through a bit of an adjustment to starting school.  You are doing all the right things by taking him to a safe place to calm down.  Keep up the good work.

Tracey x


----------



## Viva

Hi All, 
Having managed to get on here long enough for a few days to post, but have really appreciated your responses. Obviously I am not glad to hear that Junior, N and your DD Ever are going through similar things but it's reassuring that this is not that unusual! Cindy, I may well check out that Caroline Archer book, have been dipping into 'Adoption, Trauma and Resilience' but can't honestly say that I've had any brilliant insights from it! Have also spoken to his teacher and so far no real problems at school, the key thing is to ensure that if anything does trigger at school that he doesn't get labelled as 'naughty' because he isn't!

Cindy, hope the sleeping sorts soon and you get a good rest on holiday.
Naoise, you did make me smile with the Mick Jagger lips...4 would be very brave!!!
Ever, not long now for you for now before intros, hopefully for your DD when your new addittion arrives she'll be really excited and start to settle down.

Hi, to everyone else.
Viva
XXX


----------



## sanita

Hello everyone,

Not been on here for about a zillion years so thought I would have a look and see how you are all getting on.  So many of you have been to court already, Laine, KJ etc.  Congratulations to you all.  Lots of ups and downs for all of you too, but so glad to see that you are all surviving.  Naoise, Viva and Cindy sounds like you all have your hands full!  Good luck Ever with number 2.

We are still riding the adoption rollercoaster.  Sometimes it feels more like a bucking Bronco.

Smiling Boy is my little darling and we are so proud and pleased with how he has settled into our family.  He has come on leaps and bounds in all areas.  He is much calmer and more controlled.  Not so anxious.  Has finally lost the permenant cold that he had for months.  He is growing like a weed and putting on weight.  His confidence is better and he no longer lets himself be bullied by dd.  He loves being part of our family and has bonded really well with us.  He has caught up loads at school and no longer needs one to one with the SENCO.  Can't you just tell that I am bursting with love and pride as I type this.

Princess is a whole different kettle of fish and her progress has been much less evident, but there has been progress.  She no longer rejects me in favour of her FC or BM (or any passing mum who she felt might have been better than me).  She has improved at school and hasn't hit a teacher for several weeks.  She still teases the pets, but is no longer cruel to them.  I haven't been kicked for 2 months or called a b**tch.  Princess is still very demanding and controlling.  I find the control issue especially hard to take.  We no longer raise our voices at Princess as she thrives on making adults lose it.  It frustrates the hell out of her when she can't achieve that.  We stopped using time out and she now has time in which is much more effective.  I find time in difficult as sometimes I just want her as far away from me as possible so I sometimes use time out for a few minutes while I gather my wits and then take a deep breath and continue with time in.

Our agency SW has been a tower of strength and support.  The childrens SW has been useless and not at all supportive, in fact she has left us feeling very undermined on a couple of ocassions.

We are waiting for the adoption order application papers so that we can lodge them at the court.

Princess starts her therapy with CAMHS next month and dh and I are seeing someone at the Post Adoption Centre who is advising us on how to help Princess.

We have had 2 direct contact sessions with their younger brother who is adopted elsewhere and they have been very sucessful.  We have the first direct conatct with bm and older siblings in a couple of months and I am trying to keep an open mind about that.

So that's us and where we are at.

Hope you are all enjoying this gorgeous weather.  Long may it continue.

Love to all Sanita x


----------



## HHH

wow Sanita it sounds like you've been having a rough ride..but all credit to you and dh for the care, support and love you have obviously shown your little prince and princesses which has resulted in the progress they are making. May your family go from strength to strength.

HHH


----------



## cindyp

Sanita, you are right to feel proud of yourselves.  You have obviously done a great job with your children.  It is obviously hard work with Princess but I'm sure all the love and support you are giving her will reap it's rewards.  As our After Adoption support said the other week during our review of DS's therapy these things can take time and you have to measure your progress in small steps but the encouraging thing is that there is progress.  Hopefully with the therapy and support you are getting that progress will continue.

Wishing you the best for the direct contact.

love
Cindy


----------



## everhopeful

Hi all  

Just wanted to post a short one tonight, just to mark the occasion!
It was exactly 3 years ago today that we met DD  
The time has flown by in many ways, but yet we cannot imagine life as it was before she came. It's like she's always been here.

And now only 3 days to work before meeting our new bundle 

It's mixed emotions really. I'm saying goodbye to work colleagues, which isn't altogether a bad thing, but knowing I might not seen some of them again, brings a slight lump to the throat  , and I feel obliged to recognise all the little "last" things that me and DD will do together, ie. yesterday I knew that it was the last Monday that I'd take her to nursery, just me and her and at the weekend, we'll go to a friends - it's been a ritual, almost every month we've travelled to visit for a morning, the kids have played together, but it's always been a "me and her" time, and somehow I feel sad that those times won't be exclusive anymore!

I am very thrilled and excited to be bringing a new baby into our lives. It's just a tad strange!
Does any other 2nd time mum, recognise my feelings, or am I a little strange myself?!!  

x


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Ever

I know just how you feel. No 2 is great but is also nice having 1-2-1with No 1.

All the best for you new arrival 

PBMx


----------



## cindyp

Ever, I know just how you feel.  When it's just been the three of you for so long it's hard to imagine sharing the time and attention that you give.  That said although the quantity of one to one time will change, the quality definitely won't.

Enjoy your happy times ahead.

PBM, long time no speak, it has been rather manic at our end and I know you are working hard.  Hope PB and Pinky are OK and that you have managed to resolve your work issues.

Hope everyone is well.  DS has reached the age where I have his little friends come around for playdates.  I had four of them in the garden yesterday.  Can't believe he is starting school this year, where has the time gone.  Only 9 days till our holiday   

Cindy


----------



## everhopeful

Thanks for your reassurances girls! I thought I was cracking up a bit  

Last day at work today and I don't think it;s hit me yet, exactly what's happening after the weekend! I'm so flat and calm about everything! I think it'll dawn on me, in the dead of night, and I'll wake up in a cold sweat, panicking!!

Anyway, it;s taken me long enough to decide on cybernames for my children (DD and newbie weren't really working!) So now I'll be calling them missboo and babyroo!


----------



## cindyp

Had to share this

DH was having a wee in the bathroom toilet, DS comes through the locked door and says "Let's play fire engines Daddy" and proceeds to pull his out and have a wee at the same time in the same toilet.  Mind you if my DH thinks I'm going to start describing him as having a fire hose, he's sadly mistaken  

Cindy


----------



## everhopeful

Oh Cindy! What a funny story!!

That's made my weekend!!!


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Cindy- how funny can little ones be!

Our DD is intriged to what boys "bits" are and has caught hold of her baby bro's twice and this morning she found Daddys when he was having a bath with DS!

xxx


----------



## jilldill

Hi Girls,
How is this for a comment! I bumped into an old friend of mine yesterday, she asked me all about Sunshine and how we were getting on ( I have seen her alot since Sunshine came to us). She then said " So does she call you erm Mummy"? I stayed very calm and said "of course she does she is my daughter"! Today however I am fuming with her insensitive stupid comment! In that instance it really made me feel like a long term baby sitter! Hey ho!
Love JD x


----------



## keemjay

omg how dense, ignore her, she clearly was having a dur day 

cindy that made me giggle 

ever i totally get what you are saying about no.2, same going on here, esp today now that i know its going to happen for real, i've really cherished every moment of our time today more than usual

kj x


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Cindy,

Long time no chat, we are all fine this end but work problem still rumbling on grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Love the fire hose story. Made me laugh the other day pooh bear was running round lounge in just t shirt when pinky noticed his "Bits" and kept trying to pull it, I tried so hard not to laugh and say NO! pinky don't do that.

TTFN

PBMx


----------



## shivster

Cindy your post made me laugh!

I was babysitting for my friends three year old daughter the other day and I had to change DS nappy. Conversation went like this:

Girl: *loud screech* B has got a willy!!!!
Me: Um yes he has
Girl: I haven't got a willy
Me: No because you're a girl
Girl: My brother has got a willy
Me: Yes he's a boy
Girl: My other brother has got one too!
Me: Yes he is a boy as well!!!
*BIG PAUSE*
Girl: My daddy's got a willy!!!!!!!!

Oh help I thought! I realise he has fathered three kids and this is a fact but I didn't really want to think about it too much!

I was relaying this story to another friend of mine and she said that her 2.5 yr old boy was using the loo at the same time as his daddy and turned to him in amazement saying "Daddy...your willy is VERY big!"

Ah kids - don't you just love em!


----------



## superal

some wonderful stories on here, keep them coming!!

I was at work yesterday and it was our sports day.

Most Mum/Dads had turned up to watch their little cherub's, it was really nice.

One little girl asked me if my Mummy was coming to watch me, sweet, I said No my Mummy doesn't live near me.....................a very long conversation about where does she live then, then followed.

The said little girl then turned around and said "well if your Mummy isn't here, is your Daddy?" (fair enough question, good reasonable thinking for a 4 year old!)

I took a deep breath and said " No I don't have a Daddy any more" (waited for the question of WHY?)
....................."He's dead then isn't he" asked sweet little girl..........deep breath by myself......."yes"................"that's OK because he's in heaven and watching you now"  ......How I didn't cry I will never know but It made my day and yes he was most probably watching me making a fool of myself running about like something gone wrong!!

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## everhopeful

Awww Andrea   Out of the mouths of babes! They are so innocent in their questions and yet can be so, so logical in their reasoning.



Missboo was watching Emmerdale on Friday and asking why the lady was crying and I explained "because she's sad that she's losing her baby" and she said "But mummy, it isn't her baby, it belongs to Laurel"
I was fighting back the tears watching it myself and she couldn't understand what was to get upset about, and I said to her "well, you didn't grow in my tummy did you? But I love you just the same, and I would be sad like that lady if someone took you away from me" - She said "Don't worry mummy, I won't let me go anywhere!" 

OMG!! I was nearly blubbing all over the place!!!!  

Hope everyone else is doing well. Babyroo is settling in well and we're all gently adjusting to the new routines!! DH goes back to work after the weekend and I am dreading it. I know I have to get used to it, no other choice, but to be honest, I'm a little bit scared.

x


----------



## superal

Ever - the emmerdale episode also had me in tears  .

Differnet story to what we went through BUT it was just like us handing back the baby we were looking after through concurrency.......a real tear jerker & DH had to go out of the room, he said it was to "realistic".

Its 8 years this year since we said "see you soon" to the little baby we looked after & I honestly thought I had come to terms with it & don't really think about it that much theses days......until Emmerdale!!

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## Viva

Hi Everyone, 
Apologies in advance as it's been a while since I've been on here, not even managed to catch up properly and this is a bit of a me post. After a brilliant half term (we went to Centre Parcs with DH's family and the children LOVED it!) and a good week last week with 'Charlie' being full time at school we've dived today. Charlies teacher called me over today after school because unprovoked he had bitten one of the girls in his class!!!!!  (his reason to me was that they were playing Dinosuars and he didn't mean to hurt her, I think he just got a bit carried away. Saying that though, he's also hit and kicked me again and it seems that all the aggressiveness is surfacing again. We've also been having issues around him lying to us, normally over small things but it's the principle isn't it? He also wee'd in the shower tonight and couldn't explain why, so what was that about? Just felt the need to off load to some Mummies who will understand my sadness at seeing Charlie behave like this when we know that really he is a gentle, kind, funny, bright and beautiful little boy who's just seen far too much for his age.
If anyone has any thoughts about helping him handle the agression in him it would be great.
Hope to find time to catch up soon.
Hope you and your little ones are good.
Viva
XXX


----------



## magenta

Viva,

Couldn't read and run but not sure I have any 'tips' to pass on.

I would guess some of this is down to immaturity. He is only 4 so my guess is that he hasn't quite got a hang of what the 'rules' are and what are things that we 'never ever' do. My DD may well be the same at that age- but mainly due to not knowing. 4 is still quite young. Up here in Scltoand children dont start school until they are 5+ (or nearly 5) because it is generally accepted that children under 5 are not able to concentrate and control their behaviour enough for a school environment. Also, it took my DD almost a year post placement to feel sure of our family rules - and she was a toddler so the rules were fairly basic. We had 'boundary testing pretty much every 4 months to the day. Perhaps you might want to to 'regress a bit' and go back to talking simply about what things are 'not acceptable' etc in a way he understands and that relate clearly to the rules at school/clubs/elsewhere so that there is only 1 rule in his head not a multitude it might be good to reiteralte as a whole family so that Lola gets those cues too?

My DD is 3 and still hits/kicks/bites/plays too rough occasionally. it isn't meant as aggression it is just that she is only *now* beginning to realise that hitting/biting is never ok...not just 'a little bit naughty'. She is just that teeny tiny bit behind in understanding what is 'ok sometimes' and what is 'never ok'. We have been doing some work on feelings with her - just real baby stuff like guessing the emotion from the facial expression and making funny faces - sad/angry/happy etc. We talk about it being ok to be sad and ok to be angry and what are acceptable ways to show those feelings and what are things that we don't do - like hit out. it seems to be helping so that might be a help - maybe if you all do it as a family game? sorry if these ideas aren't helful - I just wish I could say something useful to you as it sounds like you are doing a super job but struggling today with this one.

Magenta x


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi Viva,

sorry to hear your feeling abit stressed, but if it makes you feel any better it sounds like your little man is being a typical little bay! Likes to wee in inappropriate places, gets carried away with rough play, and biting is really common too. I wouldn't be too worried, unless he continues to do it even after you've made it really clear that its not accepteble.

with Boo who is 4 and a half, I'm convince he saves his wee up until we are too far from a loo to get to, so he can have an al-fresc o wee. He's really dissappointed when i point out thata ctually we're close to a public toilet!  

also we had to change a house rule recently. we, of course, have a no hitting policy, but one of the things we found we were doing in an affectionate way was "patting/ gentle smacking" on bums....usually when Boo is going up stair to bed (whilst "singing little brown jug"....anyone know it?), or when he's crawling all us wrestling with us. So it was never aggressive, just messing about. Seems weird to type it. But anyway i managed to annoy boo in the park the other day, and he turned around and gave me an angry smack on the bum...it didn't hurt, but the intention did....if you know what i mean. So anyway we decided we had to change the rule completely, no smacking of bums at all. I think we're finding it harder than him, but i guess the point i'm making is that children need black and white.....otherwise they'll test and push the rule till they feel they know what its about

hope this makes some sense
xruthie


----------



## Ruthiebabe

PS Boo is also "trying out" telling lies....as is my niece of the same age who isn't adopted.


----------



## everhopeful

Missboo is 4 1/2 now and starts school after the summer (thank goodness!) and although she plays really nicely with Babyroo and helps me no end in the house, has started some other traits - especially the fibbing one. She's always had a massive imagination and makes things and people up and makes stories up, which is fine. But just in the last week, this lying has started. And although I'm hoping it's a passing phase, I have resorted back to the naughty step for every occasion I find out that she's fibbed. And tonight just after tea, was the first time on the step for months and months. She didn't liked it, and cried for Daddy! Thankfully Daddy didn't take any notice either and she sat her 41/2 minutes out and then had a lecture from me (She must hate me right now!)

Babyroo is teething badly. She has a clear front runner at the bottom which is both visible and feels like glass, but has been at the same stage for days. I can see others becoming visible at the top so whether she's getting a few together I'm not sure (This is my first time at teething!!), but tonight she is beside herself and nothing is right with the world. She's screaming on and off constantly and don't think she'll be content until she's in bed.
Daddy's putting some Anbesol Liquid on her gums, right now and I'm going to sign off to get her calpol and milk bottle ready!
Wish me luck, it's going to be a looooonnnng night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## everhopeful

Morning all

Well, since my last post, Babyroo has 4 teeth - I thought they'd all come together!!
And after a week or so of being really settled and happy she started last night with the drooling and knawing on everything in sight. She's happy one minute and ratty the next and this morning woke up with one cheek just bright red so another must be on it;s way! 
Trouble is, we have our first review this morning and if she wakes up from her nap in a ratty mood, they might see it as her being unsettled with me  . DH is at work and Missboo will be here, on her bestest behaviour I hope!!

I feel really stressed out this morning and just want it to be over. Arrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  

Well, I'd best get the kitchen tidied up and keep everything crossed that it goes smoothly.


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ever

Hope your review went well, I'm sure they will understand Babyroo being a grump when teething and that its no reflection on your relationship together.  Hope you get a better night tonight, 4 teeth at once doesn't sound nice for anyone.

We had our 1st review today as well, everyone was really pleased and impressed how well Bobby is doing and how attached he already is to us.  Because we have had the 1st review so early we are having another couple of weekly visits before going to fortnightly,then monthly.  Our next review is booked for the beginning of September and, fingers crossed, our application will be posted the same day.

Love
OT x


----------



## everhopeful

Thanks OT, yes the review went well. Missboo played up a bit - but only when everyone had arrived and the meeting started! Mummy wasn't impressed!! Babyroo was a treasure!!

They said that although the next review isn't until September, we can go ahead and apply to the court at the 10week mark (which will be in roughly 6 weeks time). I emphasised that we'd like to get her christened (with our name) as young as possible, so the reviewing officer said, I can't see any reason why the 2nd review will bring up any problems, on the understanding that you will contact your sw if you have any concerns in the meantime. And boy! They know that I would, and I do contact them! My sw is secretly sick of my emails and texts !! So in 6 weeks time I'll be on that phone (again) asking her to submit the paperwork! And then look forward to seeing the reviewing officer again in 10-12weeks time and tell them we've got the ball rolling!!

Oooh, happy days! It's our wedding anniversary today and I received a lovely bouquet with helium balloons - just in the middle of the review! I couldn't help but show them off! And tonight after tea, Babyroo attempted her first crawl !!! Oooh, I was sooooo proud   I couldn't believe it!!

I'm pleased your review went well too. Isn't it a relief for the sw's to be full of praise?!
With any luck, we'll both be legal parents by the end of the year


----------



## everhopeful

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!

And feeling a bit flat  

I've always felt upbeat and happy on my birthday, just because of the date, and today for the first time in my whole life, I don't feel anything today. It's just another day., a boring Sunday, at home with my babies while hubby's at work. No going out for lunch or anything.
I did get a lovely card from my new baby daughter this morning, Daddy had painted her hands while I was at the hairdressers yesterday and put her prints in my first Mummy card from her   and obviously my card from my eldest was just as gorgeous.

But.... I don't know what to do with myself....   What a funny feeling.

I hope my spirits are lifted, and I don't let this day go without a bit of birthday feeling!!

Maybe this is it. I've hit that adulthood thing where grown ups have always said birthdays are a nothing day. I hope to god that, that isn't the end of my birthdays as I've always loved them !!

x


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Aww

Happy Birthday Hun

As you say I don't want to grow up and not have fun birthdays anymore. Hope you birthday spirit kicks in.  Here's something to help it on the way......................................      
                          

PBMx


----------



## everhopeful

Thanks PBM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Today my sister came round for lunch and then we went off to shops in the car. Fine apart from Babyroo was crying on and off in her pram (teething) and Missboo was whining and constantly asking for things.
It poured it down as we got home, so we got soaked taking the bags into the house and ended up carrying Babyroo from the car under a blanket - I was thinking the neighbours'll be reminising about Whacko Jacko and the "Blanket" incident!!
Hubbie came home with a massive blackforest gateaux cake he'd bought from Asda's bakery - he knows it's my favourite pud of ALL time!! And because kids aren't at their best (to go out for tea), he suggested that we get a chinese each - we normally share, so this is my chance to venture onto something new and exotic!!!!!  
He's trying really hard bless him. But that feeling isnt there yet. I wonder whether it's being my first as a mum of two - one teething and poorly and the eldest a pain in the bum at the mo!!
So everything feels like an effort at the moment and I;m constantly tired. So no matter how much I wanted that birthday buzz to kick in, I'm afraid I think I've missed the boat on this occasion!!

Never mind, might just have to sample the fizzy stuff tonight with my takeaway (instead of my rock solid comforter - the mug of tea!!)


----------



## Old Timer

Happy Birthday Ever!!

I really hope you've found that birthday buzz sweetie, enjoy your chinese.

Love
OT x


----------



## TraceyH

Ever

Happy Birthday.  Hope your spirits have lifted and you have enjoyed the day.

Tracey x


----------



## sundog

Thought it was about time I checked in on you all, so pleased to see so much is happening - congrats to new arrivals  

Little Bird is turning into a cheeky little boy before my eyes and he is a constant source of entertainment. I seriously don't think DH and I could have produced a more adorable little chappie! I am loving every second with him still, though I do keep consciously reminding myself of how he was as a baby as those times seem to have passed so quickly. We were very priviledged to have LB from such an early age and I never want to forget the wonderful times we have had.

He has started walking in the last week or so and is as pleased as punch every time he takes a few tipsy steps . I had to seriously restrain myself today from buying him some funky size 4 crocs for our holiday next week! He loved them and cried when I took them off him and put them back on the shelf  

We are really looking forward to 2 weeks together in our campervan in rainy Cornwall - it will be so great to have Daddy around the whole time as I can't help but feel that he misses out on so much as he is out at work for 90% of LB's waking day (although he drops everything and mucks in the moment he gets home ). It will be really good for us all I am sure.

We are still waiting for a court date a mere 8 months since placement   - it seems we are falling foul of the recent tightening up of the whole process. It is all related to not knowing the current whereabouts of BM and hence being unable to invite her to the first hearing. We are now waiting for various efforts to trace her to be resolved. Let's hope for some good news when we get back from hols.  

I have a feeling that now is the time that LB is ready to give up his dummy, but I couldn't contemplate tackling our holiday without it, so the plan is to 'remove' all dummies from the momet we get home, working on the basis that it will be a fresh start... I will let you know how we fare!  

Love to all

Sundog
x


----------



## magenta

I know that Little Bird is still very young but, if it helps at all, we 'accidentally on purpose' went on holiday without Bubbles' bottle for her morning milk (yes I know...3 year olds really shouldn't be having a bottle - but it wasonly once a day; it was a 'constant' as they came with her from FC and it means she will drink 250ml of milk without blinking first thing).

Anyway - it really worked and the 'away from home' environment meant that she just had to make do with a big girl cup and we couldn't go and get a bottle for her. She grumped a little bit but when we let her look at the bag and see there were none there, she was fine. This was the trick our friends used with their one year old over easter and it worked.

Since then we haven't used a bottle and although she asked when we came home we just say a quiet no and gave her a cup and all has been well (2 weeks since holiday now).

No news from us. We have made the decision that Bubbles will be a 'one and only' child for us. No sadness or regrets really (other than realising that I have no reason to store baby things[fluff])... we just realised that we only wanted another for the sake of 'not having an only child'...rather than looking at the needs and wishes of all our family (including us as a couple - as neither of us was desperate/keen to have another).

Bubbles starts nursery school in August so that will be another milestone for us. Nursery are aware of the fact she is adopted but only because we applied Easter 07 for her place when she wasn't yet formally ours and needed a sw counter signature.
She has settled wonderfully at private nursery 2 mornings a week - no concerns about daddy dropping her off and no behaviour issues - so we have no doubts about the move to 'proper nursery school' 5 mornings a week.

She has now been with us longer than she hasn't (if that makes sense). She was nearly 20 months by the time she was placed (end of intros etc) and has been with us for 20months now. We had a bottle of fizz to mark the actual day and revelled in how much our gorgeous wee girl has brightened our lives since she arrived.

Magenta xx


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## sundog

Oooo Magenta, you've got me thinking now.   I wonder if we could use the same tactic with the dummy...? I suppose worst case we could 'find' the dummy (I would definitely not be brave enough to not bring one at all  ). LB is too little to go looking for it as long as we put it away somewhere. Will see what DH says when he gets back from dog walking...

I know what you mean about the milestone of 20 months for you. We too recently passed that mark and it was quite an important one for me somehow. It means that we have been in his life more time than we missed. Well done for realising that one child is what is right for you - that is not always an easy thing to realise - part of me feels the same way right now as I am afraid to uspet the lovely balance that we have in our family, although I think deep down 2 is what we would like in the end, just not yet (though that may be out of our control if BM keeps on at her former rate...


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## cindyp

Hooray, I'm back on-line.  God this has been an expensive couple of months  .  Cordless phone broke just before our hols (lost all my programmed numbers).  Lost my mobile phone during the hols.  When we came back fridge/freezer died, tyre burst on the car and then nearly two weeks ago my laptop finally died beyond recovery.  As you can probably guess from the fact that I am posting I have bought a new one (need it because I have to work from home) but the bank a/c is looking pretty poorly and I've got DD's and my sister's birthdays and a wedding in the next two weeks.  I would stand on a street corner swinging my handbag but I wouldn't be able to afford to give the punters their money back   

I hope everyone is well, I haven't got time to read everybody's posts yet because I have to take DS to pre-school and go to work for the morning.  DH has taken DD to nursery.  DS's tonsil/adenoids op went well and we were allowed home the same day.  The nurses watched him clear a plate of gammon, pineapple, chips and peas about three hours after his op and said "we don't think you will need to stay overnight"  .  We had an akward few days when he had an ear infection but some antibiotics soon cleared that up.  Went to his new school last night for the intro for September, I still can't believe he is starting school.  DD is definitely almost two and deserves to be on stage as she is such a drama queen.

Just a quick message for Sundog.  I tried the gradual dummy weaning and it didn't work so then we went cold turkey.  The dummy fairy came and took all the dummies away (DS also still had one at night) and although it was painful for a couple of weeks they haven't mentioned them since.  Good luck with Little Bird.

Better go and get Junior to pre-school.

Hope everyone is well.

love
Cindy

PS If anybody sees a chocolate Fairy can they send her my way, I really need to go cold turkey but am struggling to do it


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## sundog

Well, here we are, back from our hols which, despite the weather (3 days of sun out of 14 mixed with lots of wind and rain   ), was great! We seriously thought about coming home after the first few days as the weather was so bad but we stuck it out and I am so glad we did. I have kept a little scrapbook day by day with drawings of little things that Little Bird did/saw and am going to print some of the hundreds of photos to paste in too. He is fascinated to see the pics on the computer and says 'Dada' 'nninie' (his version of our dog's name) and looks at me and smiles when it is a picture of me.

The return journey was interesting ( ) as we had to get our campervan carried the last 100 miles as it dumped it's oil on the M5! LB was well impressed to be inside such a big truck though!

Anyhow, back to dummy news. I decided to let him go to bed in peace yesterday as we arrived home so late, but no dummy today onwards. I have to say I had a couple of concerns: 1. he has used the dummy much more than usual on hols so I was afraid the attachment may be stronger than before, 2. DH is not really behind me on this as he is not in favour of cold turkey but I believe it is the only way and am sticking to my guns.

Well, when I went into him this morning I was greeted by a sloppy grin, dummy in mouth, then he handed me his dummy! Very symbolic!!! I decided to take this as a good sign  . 

Well guess what, he has had a nap this morning without the dum, just one little cry and settled him back down, then sleep. We skipped afternoon nap to get back to normal bedtime and he went out like a light! He woke about an hour after bed but just laid back on my hands and went back to sleep.

So, so far I am jubilant. Not sure what the night/morning may hold but I am confident that we are on the right road.

x


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## everhopeful

Morning all  

What a couple of weeks I've had! Firstly I had a falling out with MIL over being cautious re. identity.
It all started when she told me about a friend's relation who has recently had a child placed with them. She went on to say that this woman would like to meet up with other adoptive mums as she's new to this, she was feeling a bit out on a limb. Which I fully understand that feeling, been there, felt like that! But MIL had already passed on our home phone number to this woman, for her to call me. I was suprised initially that she'd not asked me first, but didn't worry too much, and thought if there's anything I can do or say to help this new adopter, I would be happy too.
But in the light of recent scares, I wanted to verify that this lady was a genuine adopter, before I answered the phone to a stranger and told her my life story. I thought this would be simple.
Er, no! Our authority didn't know who she was, so I contacted 2 more authorities that might have seen this woman through her process. Again, no luck. And when checking out where this woman worked didn't add up, alarms bells started to ring. DH was fuming and told his mother (in not a very nice manner) that she should never have started this by giving out our number to a complete stranger. 

She took the hump and didn't speak to us for 2 days. To be honest I didn't care at this point because in the meantime I'd had a smear test cancelled at the GP's because it was too painful. The nurse concerned about my state (inside) had taken a swab and told me to wait for the results.
Back to the MIL.... we eventually had it verified that this unknown woman is in fact a genuine new adopter, crossed wires etc had caused the confusion. So panic over, and yet MIL still had hump. Me and DH not budging on apologising. Why the hell should we??
So upto now, MIL has spoken to me at least and hasn't apologised for her unwittingly causing sheer panic through our home, but things between us are on an even keel again, I think. No call from the mystery woman as yet.

Rang on Friday for my test results, and no infection found. Which appears to be a cause of concern to the nurse who did the examination, and ordered me to take a appointment with my doctor as soon as poss. So I'm going there this afternoon (not looking forward to in the least  ).

And if things weren't bad enough, we spent 2 hours down at the A&E dept last night after Babyroo fell and banged her head. OMG, I was in a state of shock, she was fine, just mummy flapping about!! It was thankfully nothing serious and she was given the all clear. 

So, as you can see, things aren't exactly on the right, happy-go-lucky-holiday-mood way at the moment!

Hope everyone else's summer hols have had a better start than ours


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## magenta

oh dear Everhopeful, what a time of it you have had!

I am sure your MIL genuinely meant no harm and just can't get her head around the fact that you still see at as possible harm (even though on here we all know the depths some birth families go to to gain access).  maybe your DH coudl nicely sit her down and tell her a horror story (make one up if necessary) for her to see how dangerous it can be.  hopefully she will begin to understand you can begin to re-build bridges.

As for your tests - hoping all goes well.  I had a lump checked out last summer and, although it was nothing, it was scary not knowing.

Magenta x


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## superal

Hi Ever

NO wonder you were upset!

Our families don't realise half the time what they are saying and how it may affect the ones we love.

My Mum is great for telling old friends/boyfriends that I'm married now and I have 2 children, she then quickly feels she needs to add that they are adopted.  I get really cross with her over this and tell her that not everyone has to know!!

We are off on holiday on Sunday & we all can't wait.

My sister is due to give birth today and so far no news, I'm hoping she'll have it by Sunday if not I'll have a new niece or nephew when I get back.

Love
Andrea
x


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## everhopeful

Hi all

Feeling very down at the moment.  
Missboo isn't very easy to deal with at the moment. Changing her attitude and behaviour as soon as someone comes in, including her Dad, and so you can imagine if we have guests. Infact yesterday we visited some old friends, and she behaved really well until it was time to leave. One almighty kick off and all because she didn't want to put her shoes on. I could've cried.
I'm getting better now at ignoring certain things, but sometimes it can be very difficult.
I'm on tablets from the doctor, pending my next appointment for an examination. They make me very drowsy so I'm still half asleep most of the day, and they've made me incredibly irritable and depressed. I'm crying all over the place! It's all a very sad state of affairs.
I'm feeling sort of lost and lonely at the minute. I can't really describe it. I can't explain to anyone about why I'm so tired as I don't want anyone to know about my GP visiting etc. I'm worried sick about possible diagnosis regarding my next visit to the GP and I can't let on to anyone.
I said to DH the other night, I feel like we've lost contact with so many people and things have changed so much within our circle of friends.
When Missboo was placed with us, I had 3 very close friends who I saw and chatted with all the time. Now that's down to one. She;s now a mum herself and doesn't have the time etc to chat like we used to.
We also had a group of friends with which we'd take turns to have BBQ's and gatherings with. Just 4 couples but we'd meet up 3 or 4 times a year for some grub and a drink and more importantly a good laugh.
Circumstances beyond our control have meant that meeting up at all is very difficult. But a fortnight ago, we decided it was time we had a "do" and so invited 2 of the couples, and with one on night shift and the other without a babysitter, it meant another "do" postponed.
And then to top everything, last night DH mentioned about a colleague's party that was being held last night, and I said joking "So you weren't invited then?" and he replied "Oh, yeah, we were invited" -   I couldn't speak after that. I couldn't believe that he'd not ran it past me. Knowing that I'm in desperate need of getting out and socialising!! 

And I know it sounds crazy, but I'm actual envious of him being able to go out and talk to people at work today. I also know that I'm not usually feeling so sorry for myself, and it's this medication. 
Boy, do I need a holiday??!!

Andrea - hope your sister's baby arrived safely and all is well. And that youve enjoyed a lovely holiday 

Lots of love to everyone

x


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi ever

I am going to pm you.

Hugs

PBMx


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## shivster

Ever - just wanted to send hugs - by the bucketload!


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## everhopeful

Thanks girls
I am feeling much better in myself today. I am tired, oh, so tired! But I've smiled today which is a nice change and I've not cried, so that's a miracle!!  

I think with the medication plus the tiredness, everything seems a million times worse, I can only describe it like feeling very very pre-menstrual, but not being able to snap out of it.
I'm trying not to take things to heart and not worrying over every tiny detail.

I'll bounce back. I am determined if nothing else!!

x


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## superal

Hi everyone

Just got back from holiday today, landed about 5 hours ago and here I am checking up on you all!!

Had a fantastic time in the Costa Del Sol........lovely weather, looking to go back again in October.

I also came back today to a new niece, my sister had a baby girl this morning, the lucky so and so was only in labour for 1½ hours!!  Baby and Mum doing just great.

Hope everyone is well and I'll check in again soon.

Love
Andrea
x


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## everhopeful

Congrats Auntie Andrea!!!!!!!!!!!!

Glad you had a fab time

x


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## Guest

Just wanted a share a conversation DH had wih DD2(5) last night at bedtime

DD: Would you stil adopt us if you had another baby?

DH: Yes of course.

DD: In that case will you get on with it and put a seed in mummy's tummy

...if only it were that simple.......

Bop


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## everhopeful

Awww Bop!!  

My DD says she's planning on having 4 babies when she's older - but she'll adopt them like we did her because her tummy will hurt with a baby inside, and she'll have to stay in hospital for 3 years !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Funny how children think, isn't it? My DD hasn't come round to think why we I haven't had a baby in my tummy yet. I think she automatically assumes that every baby that comes out of a lady's tummy, goes to live with another family! Well I guess that is the norm for her.


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## cindyp

Hi everyone

Bop, lol   

Andrea, congratulations on the arrival of your new niece, glad you had a good hols.

Ever, have sent you a PM.

I can't believe the summer is nearly over, I'm hoping to start to enjoy it.  Unfortunately not been the best summer holidays so far, to go with the unexpected expenses we have had the unexpected illnesses.  Although DS got over his tonsils op reasonably well, he, DH and DD all came down with a vomiting virus.  Then DD and I caught a summer cold and to top things 4 weeks ago DD and DS came down with hand, foot and mouth.  This meant that we couldn't go to a wedding we had been invited to and to which I'd treated myself to a pair of red high heels to match my new outfit.  DH says I can wear them for him but I'm so exhausted I think he will have to wait till next year   .  To top things off we've just got back from the seaside where we ended up cutting our holiday short because the weather was so bad.  Not much fun being stuck in a rain swept caravan with two pre-schoolers who wake up at 5 in an area where nowhere seemed to open till 10!!

Anyway enough moaning, the sun shone today and I've managed to get both my children asleep by 7 and come on-line for the first time in ages.  There is a bottle of wine in the fridge and a large bar of choccie which I will possibly share with DH whilst watching something mindless on TV.

Hope everybody is well and managing to make the best of the english summer.

love
Cindy


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## everhopeful

Hi Cindy
Sorry to hear you've really been through it, haven't you? Poor thing. Sounds like you've had a bad reaction to the summer holidays!! Hope everyone's better now and not too down hearted about your washed out holiday.

I can't believe how the time has flown since Babyroo arrived. She's been here 12 weeks now but it seems like an eternity. (In the nicest possible way!)

I haven't received a pm from you but don't worry, I know how annoying it is to type up a message, only for it to time out and lose it all.

Best get on with my chores whilst baby is still asleep!


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## everhopeful

Cindy ....

Thanks for your pm! Tried to reply but your inbox is full!!!   (Aren't you the popular one?!!)

If you make room in your inbox, I'll try re-sending it later!!


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## cindyp

Sorry,

Not so much popular as forgetful  , some of those PM's go back a time and I really should have cleared them out before now.  

Cindy


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## superal

Thought I would get this thread up and running again!!

Well I really can not believe how old my 2 children are now!!  My DS is 15 & my DD is 8.

Someone asked me the other day, in a nice way, if it feels as though they have all ways been mine...............the answer YES!! I didn't have to think for one second, I know our DS had nearly 4 years living with other people & our DD had 9 months of "backwards & forwards" moves BUT they are my children and I love them both to pieces.

DD is only just 8 and she is going to break some ones heart good style when she is older, I know I am biased BUT I think she is beautiful.

DS is definitely going to break a few hearts, if he hasn't already!! Now he is a handsome chappy as my dear Gran used to say.........he also looks my DH so I know he is a handsome chappy!!

Hope every one is OK.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## everhopeful

Hi Andrea
Thanks for re-igniting this thread. Somehow it goes a little neglected. I tend to have a quick look at thread titles, post on the ones I think I can advise or comment on, and then leave   Very bad girl, I know! I think now being a fully fledged adopter, I tend now not to use the boards as much, must be something to do with the little time I have spare!!

Doesn't time fly? 15 and 8? It's amazing how quickly they grow up. It doesn't seem too long ago since we were in awe of Missboo, toddling around in her nappy and flashing those beautiful big eyes, and now she's suddenly grown into a little lady and does virtually everything for herself, and doesn't even want to see me and her baby sister at lunchtimes anymore. "Mum, I'm 5 now, I can stay school dinners y'know"   (said with massive attitude!!)
And as for Babyroo, I have to keep reminding myself of how much younger she is than Missboo was (on placement), and not be too down-hearted that she's trying to walk, and praying that she would just stop growing and stay a baby forever!!   Not a chance, she is fast becoming a determined and independant little lady just like her big sister.

How very blessed I am   I love my girls with all my heart and I never imagined how great being a mum would really be. I always dreamed of it, but somehow it was never this good!!


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## superal

Hi ever

Loved reading your story & your right I do the same, read the thread I think I can answer & run!!

I thought I would get this one up and going again & thank you for joining me!!

Come on all you other adopters tell us how your little ones or in my case big ones are getting on!

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## HHH

OK super al.......

BBB has been with us for 6 mnths now and it is still WONDERFUL........He is such a gorgeous little boy and I enjoy his company soooooooooooooo much. Like you Ever being a Mum has turned out to be better than i ever expected. 

All concerns about his mobility have vanished he is well and truly steady on his feet and into everything just as a 21mnth old boy should be.

And we've just heard the adoption could be finalised by mid Oct!! How exciting!! I can't wait. I know with every ounce of my being this little boy is ours but i am so utterly excited about the legalities being finished and having everything sewn up. It's going to be a big deal for me - so much so i've told DH he's buying me a new outfit for the adoption ceremony!! Can't wait to give this little boy our name.

Hopefully our last medical with SS tommorrow - am looking forward to showing off my son and how much he's come on....


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## cindyp

Hi Girls

You are right, I get on-line a lot less than I used to and most viists are flying when I just do a quick post and run, which is the joy of being a Mum of 2.  I remember at our approval panel when we applied to be approved for two children the Chairman said:-

You do realise that two children are more than double the trouble

Unfortunately I think that has been proved to be true.  After having had DS for 2 years we thought we were ready for a second child and in a way we were but I must admit it has been more than double the work of having one.  Unfortunately the attachment issues caused by DS's early life experiences means that he can often be harder work than your average 4 year old, although he is basically a lovely boy.  We are so pleased that he seems to be settling in well at school although he is waking up during the night which we think is down to him processing these new changes to his life.  DD's insistence on waking every morning around 5.30 means that we are permanently cream crackered.  She is a lovely "terrible two" who is confident, independent and alternates between flinging herself on the floor or wacking her brother if we don't answer her every need within 5 seconds.  She also has that lovely investigative urge that causes her to carry out experiments such as "what will happen if I put the hand towel down the toilet bowl" that means that you can't leave her out of your sight for 30 seconds    They are hard work but two great kids that I could never imagine my life without, although if anybody wants to have them for a week whilst we catch up on our sleep we wouldn't say no   

Ever, how has Missboo enjoyed her first days at school?  I know exactly what you mean about wanting them to stay babies, one of DD's favourite phrases at the moment is "me do it" she is so independent.  It hardly seems a second since she was starting to sit up and now she is practising her jumping.  

Andrea, I find it hard to believe that we have had DS for nearly 4 years and he is almost 5, it must be even harder watching your kids gorw up so fast.  Has DS started talking about girlfriends yet?  As for being biased about your DD that's one of the joys of being a Mum.  Mind you my DS has the most beautiful eyes ever  

HHH good news about the possible Court date.

How are everyone else?

Any plans for the weekend?  We are going to be busy, DH and I are going to my sister's 40th do on Saturday night whilst friends babysit for us.  On Sunday we are going to a local After Adoption Family Event, apparently there are 50 people going including our family to a local mini zoo type place which should be fun (british weather withstanding).

Better go, need to get some ZZZs in as I have work in the morning.

love
Cindy


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## Old Timer

Hi Ladies

I've not really posted on here properly as a Mummy, again lack of time and energy and too much washing and ironing to do!  I have a few minutes before getting ds washed and dressed and reading the recent posts I feel I can contribute!

DS has been with us for 13 weeks now and most of the time has been a joy to us but as all 2 yr olds do, he really knows how to push the boundaries and drive me mad at times.  Like Cindy, we have the constant demands that have to be answered straight away or else.  When do they learn patience?  For a little boy who was described as 'unaffectionate and will rarely seek comfort' he spends a lot of his time wanting cuddles and kisses.  He was also described as a bit of a wimp by the FC during intros but we have actually now got a very affectionate, confident son who is seeking independance and gets frustrated when he can't do something himself.  Maybe he was less affectionate, the FC had been described as rather 'cold' in her relationship with him, and just needed the warmth we had to offer for him to seek out the cuddles.  Both SWs have said he has settled well and looks 'different', when asked to explain they said contented and happy, so we must be doing something right though some days it does feel as though all I've done is run round nagging him.

We have now received our court date of the 18th December, a later date then expected but at least it will be done for Christmas.  We go on holiday on Saturday so that will be interestiing!  Hopefully the sea air will knock him out a bit more and we can get some lie ins.

Andrea, its lovely to read your posts and hear how well your 'older' children are getting on.  

Ever, they say school changes them and they get attitude!

HHH, great news re court date being soon.  Like you we consider ds our son anyway but it will be nice to get all the legal side done and be able to give him our name officially.

Cindy, I don't think anything can ever prepare you for a first child or a 2nd or more and it must be extra hard when you have attachment issues thrown in.  Its good your ds is settling into school and I'm sure he will soon settle again at night and let you get a bit more sleep.  We have been lucky so far that ds has only had 2 nights slightly disturbed but after going in a soothing him he has been fine, wasn't actually awake during these times.

Love
OT x


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## magenta

Bubbles is now nearly 3.5 and has just started nursery school.  She is lokoing a lot like me these days - I think she is copying my mannersims now as well as the copycat hairdoo . As always, she is a joy to be with (if a little too demanding at times) and we have great fun and laughter when we play together.  She has been with us nearly 2 years (we were matched on 12/10/2007) and we sometimes forget it has been such a short time as she really has filled every inch of our lives to the brim.

We have now stopped getting sw support (although they are there as when /if we need them) and even the various medical appointments are now slowly disappearing.  She is still a little 'delayed' compared to her classmates but hopefully it won't be long before she is getting to grips with the basics at least. Teachers seem happy with her although would prefer if she sat still for more than 30 seconds at a time!

Magenta x


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## superal

AHHH thanks ladies for getting this thread up and running again.

It is so lovely to read every ones stories and it takes me back!!

HHH - All children are different and progress at different stages in their lives.  My DD started walking just after her 1st birthday, could ride a bike without stabilisers when she was 3 YES 3!! BUT it took her ages to learn to write her name when she went to school and for her to learn to read but now she is just like any 7/8 year old and has caught up with them!

Cindy - YES 2 are double the trouble BUT double the joy!! Do not envy you and the sleeping, it would turn me to drink but then again I don't need an excuse for a drink!!


OT - Nice to see you posting on the Mummy thread!!  You are doing something right with your son as you are giving him the love and stability that all children need so your SW will notice the difference in your son and thats down to your hard work. 


Magenta - I thought it was only me & my DD with the matching hair cuts!!  We both have bobs!! I had to grow mine from being quite short & DD had to have hers cut from being so long & lets just say "Visitors" in her hair are much easier to see now!!  Thats one of the joys you new mummies with children going to school will have the joy of dealing with........NITS!!!

Andrea
x


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## keemjay

ok, here i go..its been a long time since i updated..i seem to only get nipping on time so read and reply to quick things and think I'll post _properly_ later and then never manage to  I've also been working on my adoption story..its very long!!

so babybro has been home 13 weeks tomorrow, time has flown, i cant believe it! he turned 1 last week and has been taking steps for the last few weeks but still is in zombie mode 

its taken all of us quite a while to settle into our new family dynamic and i think we're still adjusting although the last few weeks feel MUCH more settled. About 5 weeks in he had a horrible period of illness which threw us all off balance again and we had 3 doc visits and 2 to A&E in 4 days and a case of suspected measles  turned out it wasnt but it quite scary all the same. worst thing was he wouldnt take his dummy as had mouth sores and was inconsolable and i felt soooo useless not being able to comfort him  i felt like the bond we'd been building slipping away as he just wanted to fight me off, but happliy once better he was all back to normal and loving cuddles. he is a smashing little chap, soooo happy and contented and smiley, a doddle really  he's very determined though and knows how to make his needs and wants known..his latest is arm out flicking the wrist at whatever he sees us eating, and screeching at the same time..he 's a bright little thing and now says 'gone' at the right time, and can mimic sounds and some words on demand..his new word is a type of 'doggyoggydoggyoggy' said very fast..really cute
littlie (2 1/2)is growing up so much and is a real little girl now, and beautiful with it if i do say so myself..she's talking real sentences and understanding everything and anything..she amazes me every day with her observations on life..she thinks the postman needs a ladder to get the mail out of the post box..well i have to lift her up to reach dont i!? this morning she found a tiny almost deflated balloon and said 'mummy, a willie'  she's totally in love with her little brother..most of the time ...she is really motherly towards him..if he's crying at the table she says 'oh dont cry' and 'oh sweetheart, mummys coming' in this lovely soothing tone..so cute. and she'll bring him toys or his dummy if he's recovering from a bump. she's also very useful 'mummy *** up the stairs' when i've left the stairgate open  of course she's not averse to bopping him over the head with a toy or squashing him now and again tho  they are so sweet together tho and i'm so pleased they will grow up with eachother. they sleep like pros 12 hours straight and both nap in the day so I've no complaints on the sleeping front  I do find my patience isnt what it used to be and i disappoint myself over again by losing my rag over little things..always the straw that breaks the camels back as they say..i'm patient and level headed up to a point but sometimes they just push me to the edge  i want to be a bit more chilled out so am trying to let things go over my head..when I'm just about to walk out the door and littlie soaks herself at the waterbutt and then tells me she's done a poo and then babybro crawls in the waterbutt puddle i must just let it _wash _ over me like feather.. 
juggling 2 children is much more tiring than i ever imagined..and i've been a nanny for years! there just arent enough hours in the day anymore and things have to just give..so as a result the house is filthy and a mess most of the time but it'll just have to be like that for the time being. its just all consuming from the moment they wake till they're in bed,i do get a break if they both nap at the same time but its not often. Its the kitchen that seems to get out of control..however i do it i still seem to have piles of dirty things after they've gone to bed! I find i dont have time to eat properly in the day and i must rectify that..it just seems like theres always something more important that has to be done first! luckily my dh is THE best and gets home from work by 5pm mostly, sometimes earlier and will muck straight in till bedtime  just recently I've made sure i get out of the house in the evenings a bit, stuff the tidying or washing, and i've been playing squash, down the pub or just walking with a friend..its been nice getting out for some 'me' things again. it is now possible for one person to do bedtime by themselves, we've both managed it so the possibilites for my social life are expanding! this mummy of 2 thing seems to be all a matter of ..balancing everything and i think i'm getting there!

lovely to hear everyones updates..would love to comment but its my 'me' time now i think..I've done some ironing so now time for a soak in the bath

love to all

kj x


----------



## everhopeful

Hi all

We had our final review today, seems a bit sad that our SW won't be visiting anymore! But in less than a week's time, babyroo will officially and legally become ours   and that side of it feels wonderful!

Our celebratory hearing is at 10am and it seems a bit early in the day to go straight to a pub for a drink and lunch afterwards to celebrate. We didn't get to celebrate with anyone when Missboo's adoption went through so wanted to make it a special occasion this time. So both sets of grandparents and aunties and uncles will be there at the court too. But we don't know what to do afterwards. My MIL has offered to do a buffet back at her house for everyone, which is lovely of her, but I don't fancy it.
With all the little scuffles we've had with her recently it doesn't feel right, and also knowing how she'll bang on and on about babyroo becoming one of "us" - and repeating our surname over and over, it won't fit comfortably with my parents and siblings. After all, babyroo is our daughter and granddaughter and niece to both sides of the family, although I know already that MIL will let everyone know that it's one-sided. 

I know it'd cost us nothing and save us a pain in the backside, but quite frankly, I'd rather do something on neutral ground so certain people can't take over.

What has everyone else done to celebrate after the court??


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## shivster

Hi Ever,

Ours was 20th August. Ten am as well! We went from court to a coffee shop with the group and then wandered aimlessly around the city centre until we could leave for lunch at the restaurant. After lunch we went for a sly peek at the parish where DH will be serving when he is ordained next June! Not linked to the adoption but obviously Little Bear and I are moving too so it was good to get a glimpse! 

Nothing amazing there - but we had a good day


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## everhopeful

Thanks Shivster

I'd not thought of a coffee shop, and I guess there's enough of those and cafe bars that'd be open morning time.
I'd like to go out for an evening meal really but with my Dad's work shifts, he'd be at work and my Mum is unlikely to go without Dad and that would leave us and DH's side of the family... one sided once again 

Will have to have a good think about it this weekend. Must come up with an alternative plan... can harldy say to MIL, thanks but no thanks, we're going home instead!!  

Glad you enjoyed your day. 20th August, a very special day for me too, so glad it went well for you all.


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## jilldill

Hi Girls,
Well Sunshine has just turned three and been with us nearly 2 years now. Apart from the upset in the paper which you may have read about, the birthday celebrations were wonderful. Like others have said being a Mummy has fulfilled me in a way nothing ever has. We just enjoy everyday together and I really try to fill each day with exciting things I can't stand to waste any time with her having lost the first year. We are off to Majorca for 2 weeks next weekend and boy we can't wait just to spend real quality time together. Sunshine is the image of both DH and myself people who don't know our situation seem to go out of their way to mention it! We go to 7 or 8 different groupd together every week I just love them and so does she we have a ball!
Glad to see this thread back,
Love JD x


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## ♥ M J ♥

keemjay said:


> ok, here i go..its been a long time since i updated..i seem to only get nipping on time so read and reply to quick things and think I'll post _properly_ later and then never manage to  I've also been working on my adoption story..its very long!!
> 
> so babybro has been home 13 weeks tomorrow, time has flown, i cant believe it! he turned 1 last week and has been taking steps for the last few weeks but still is in zombie mode
> 
> its taken all of us quite a while to settle into our new family dynamic and i think we're still adjusting although the last few weeks feel MUCH more settled. About 5 weeks in he had a horrible period of illness which threw us all off balance again and we had 3 doc visits and 2 to A&E in 4 days and a case of suspected measles  turned out it wasnt but it quite scary all the same. worst thing was he wouldnt take his dummy as had mouth sores and was inconsolable and i felt soooo useless not being able to comfort him  i felt like the bond we'd been building slipping away as he just wanted to fight me off, but happliy once better he was all back to normal and loving cuddles. he is a smashing little chap, soooo happy and contented and smiley, a doddle really  he's very determined though and knows how to make his needs and wants known..his latest is arm out flicking the wrist at whatever he sees us eating, and screeching at the same time..he 's a bright little thing and now says 'gone' at the right time, and can mimic sounds and some words on demand..his new word is a type of 'doggyoggydoggyoggy' said very fast..really cute
> littlie (2 1/2)is growing up so much and is a real little girl now, and beautiful with it if i do say so myself..she's talking real sentences and understanding everything and anything..she amazes me every day with her observations on life..she thinks the postman needs a ladder to get the mail out of the post box..well i have to lift her up to reach dont i!? this morning she found a tiny almost deflated balloon and said 'mummy, a willie'  she's totally in love with her little brother..most of the time ...she is really motherly towards him..if he's crying at the table she says 'oh dont cry' and 'oh sweetheart, mummys coming' in this lovely soothing tone..so cute. and she'll bring him toys or his dummy if he's recovering from a bump. she's also very useful 'mummy *** up the stairs' when i've left the stairgate open  of course she's not averse to bopping him over the head with a toy or squashing him now and again tho  they are so sweet together tho and i'm so pleased they will grow up with eachother. they sleep like pros 12 hours straight and both nap in the day so I've no complaints on the sleeping front  I do find my patience isnt what it used to be and i disappoint myself over again by losing my rag over little things..always the straw that breaks the camels back as they say..i'm patient and level headed up to a point but sometimes they just push me to the edge  i want to be a bit more chilled out so am trying to let things go over my head..when I'm just about to walk out the door and littlie soaks herself at the waterbutt and then tells me she's done a poo and then babybro crawls in the waterbutt puddle i must just let it _wash _ over me like feather..
> juggling 2 children is much more tiring than i ever imagined..and i've been a nanny for years! there just arent enough hours in the day anymore and things have to just give..so as a result the house is filthy and a mess most of the time but it'll just have to be like that for the time being. its just all consuming from the moment they wake till they're in bed,i do get a break if they both nap at the same time but its not often. Its the kitchen that seems to get out of control..however i do it i still seem to have piles of dirty things after they've gone to bed! I find i dont have time to eat properly in the day and i must rectify that..it just seems like theres always something more important that has to be done first! luckily my dh is THE best and gets home from work by 5pm mostly, sometimes earlier and will muck straight in till bedtime  just recently I've made sure i get out of the house in the evenings a bit, stuff the tidying or washing, and i've been playing squash, down the pub or just walking with a friend..its been nice getting out for some 'me' things again. it is now possible for one person to do bedtime by themselves, we've both managed it so the possibilites for my social life are expanding! this mummy of 2 thing seems to be all a matter of ..balancing everything and i think i'm getting there!
> 
> lovely to hear everyones updates..would love to comment but its my 'me' time now i think..I've done some ironing so now time for a soak in the bath
> 
> love to all
> 
> kj x


oh KJ i so could have wrote you post about everything! including getting time to yourself

Hi ladies

Sorry i havent posted for ages- just dont seem to get the time as once mine are in bed i come on to Mod for FF and read all your posts just dont get the time to write a reply!

oyur 2 have been home now for 21weeks now- we are just waiting for a court date! (childrens SW been off sick for 4weeks however our SW got our side of the paperwor in 10days ago so once children Sw gets her bit done it should be quick (she is due back to work today!)

This week is the first time DH has had to work away since the babies came home- we are on day/night 1! (DH works away 3-4 weeks a yr!) DS not to happy however settled one DH spoke to him on the phone (DS is only 25m old!) and DD not to worried as she got loads of new clothes and new school shoes this weekend! however did babble on the phone to DH for about 10mins while i settled DS! (DH wasnt too impressed as he thought i had just "left" him on the phone to DD- she babbles alot and doesnt make sense when on the phone as tries to talk about everything and nothing at once!- DH says she talks like me!!!  )

Jill- enjoy your hols- oh sunshine!!!! wow how time flys since your DD came home

Magenta- sounds like your DD is doing well at nursery- i remember when you got matched to you DD! i am guessing that your DD and mine are only weeks differance in age- my DD loves pre-school nursey and looks cute in her uniform !

Hi tot everyone else- let try and keep this thread going

xxx


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## shivster

Everhopeful - this bit resonated with me!



everhopeful said:


> ... with my Dad's work shifts, he'd be at work and my Mum is unlikely to go without Dad and that would leave us and DH's side of the family... one sided once again


My Dad is very poorly and they live 100 miles away so neither of my parents made it to court. Both the adoption and Little Bear's baptism were very one-sided. (None of my family at either) So I understand these feelings. My MIL and I have a reasonable relationship... just about. 

Hope you have a day to remember anyway!

x Shivster


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## Old Timer

Hi Ladies

Its lovely to read all the updates about your family lives and little ones.

We have just come home from a weeks holiday in Devon.  Thankfully the weather was fab and we were able to spend some of each day on the beach.  DS settled very well into his 'holiday' bedroom in the caravan and really enjoyed the beach and sea.  We really enjoyed our first family holiday though DH has gone back to work for a rest and was a bit shocked at just how on the go ds is constantly.

Next week ds starts nursery for 1 afternoon a week which will do him good and give me a few hours to 'me' time.

We are busy booking a party to celebrate the adoption order.  Though it isn't until 20th Dec (party) we are having to book things now and let people know due to being so close to Christmas.  It will hopefully be a nice start to the Christmas celebrations.

love
OT x


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## magenta

hi,

Well...just as i thought things were going well and Bubbles was setting into a new routine of nursery school in the mornings and quiet time or activites with daddy in the afternoons we have been called in to see her nursery headmisstress this lunchtime.

She has only been there 3 weeks and we know that she isn't being violent or abusive...she is just a bit more 'needy' that the other children in terms of wanting/needing extra support with tasks, toilet training not being great and not being able to concentrate as much as others.  they knew at the time we applied that she was 'looked after' and had development delay so I don't know why they think that would all change. I guess they have never had an adopted child before or one with global delay - it seems to all be yummy mummies with little 'mini boden' children who are uber-intelligent.

I really, really hope they are offering to give her extra support rather than ask us to move her to another nursery school. It would break my heart if they have labelled her as disruptive after only 3 weeks and ask her to move.  it took her nearly 3 months to settle at her private nursery (2 mornings a week) and I thought we woud have until the october holidays to get her settled here.

Sorry...just needed to talk to someone who might understand.

magenta x


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## Suzie

Magneta 

Firstly big  to you

maybe you need to have a word with the person in charge/manager and explain to them again about you little one needing more time to settle than others when they have a change of routine.
K started prep school 2 weeks ago and he is completely unsettled ( which I was expecting) luckily the prep school are really good at understanding that it take time for these children

I hope she settles soon and they understand it can take time

x
p.s loving reading the new posts


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## Ruthiebabe

hi magenta,

i'm sure its nothing they probably just want to chat about the ways in which you'd like them to support her, like what you do with her at home in certain situations. 

as for the yummy mummies, just remember you're the only one with an official piece of paper saying you're "good enough" to be a parent, so keep your chin up. You've done a  great job with your little one!

xruthie


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## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Magenta

Massive hugs hun- hope that its nothing too bad hun that they want to talk to you about.

We are all here for you.

I know my DD settled into nursery really well HOWEVER this was only because her school do a toddler session once a week where i could take her in for a hour a week and as her teachers knew about her recent move ect they really worked hard to help her join in with the other children and she is one of the only children who goes to school with no tears, DD is dry in the day however has wet herself at school twice however didnt tell anyone and this is a classic thing for her to do when unsettled.

Oh and all those "yummy mummys" will ahve issues with there children too however just may not show it! i agree with ruthie 100% you have been proved to be a fantastic parent which you and DH are!

xxxx


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## Old Timer

Magenta, (((HUGS))) hoping they just want to ask for advice from you, they have to give her longer to settle (the nursery info I've read says about 6-8 weeks and thats for birth children).  You are a great Mummy and doing a fantastic job.

My ds starts going to nursery next week for just 3 hours but I've managed to find one that has experience of LAC children and they are very understanding.  I am looking forward to him going because he needs to go but I know I will be lost without him and feel guilty to start with! 

Love
OT x


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## magenta

thanks everyone,

Meeting wasn't great but she hasn't been asked to leave (yet ).

Basically she is one of the younger ones in her class (which is a very big class of 30 - full capacity and so is the downstairs room) so what with her being younger (only just 3.5) and being a bit delayed in terms of her development is is quite a bit behind the other children in the class who are 4 (or thereabouts).  So her unsettled behaviour and general 'different development step' means she is really needing extra support which they are unable to offer.  They are also worried in terms of health & safety becuase they can't provide a safe place for her when she needs so much 'minding'. Apparently she has been playing up more than we knew - things like pouring water about the place and taking sand out of the sand pit and walking out of the room and going downstairs on her own - things she KNOWS not to do.

Hey ho.

We have agreed to keep her where she is until the october break and get a ed pschyc assessment and a physical therapy assessment done and then think about her moving to afternoon sessions after our holiday.  They only have 10 children in the afternoon (from both classes) so she would get far far more teacher support and supervision. HOWEVER Bubbles' routine is that she naps in the afternoon from about 12.30 - 2pm and the sessions are 12.30 - 3pm!  Also this is a routine she has had since foster care so it will be a massive change for her to go from quiet afternoons to quiet mornings - and she doesn't like change - at all.  

I am just so unsure as to what to do. it is a great nursery and the staff seem really nice. The afternoon sessions will be more supportive and allow her to be in same classroom with same teacher and routine but will upset all her other routine about going out in the mornings and then being at home for lunch, nap and quiet play in the afternoons.  She would also have to change her swim class and gym class after just one term. We could just end up with a very very tired, unsettled and emotional child on our hands with nothing to fall back on.

I just don't know anymore.  I just hope and pray that we can find a way over the next two weeks before we need to make a decision about her place after october (they have a waiting list for morning places).

thanks for all your advice and just being here to listen.  much appreciated.

Magenta x


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## Suzie

Big  to you 

I do hope that she settles a little in the next couple of weeks so she is able to stay in the morning sessions. As you say to change other bits of her routine to enable her to go afternoons might throw her out more. It is difficult to know what to do for the best isn't it. 

let us know how its going 

xx


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## Old Timer

((((HUGS))))

I really hope the next couple of weeks shows an improvement in her settling, I'm sure she can't be the only one to be doing those things or other things so early on into nursery.

Changing to afternoons would be a massive upheaval for her, and you.  Is there any other nurseries about that are maybe smaller or have more staff?

Keep positive, it has only been 3 weeks.
Love
OT x


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## Mummyof2

Magenta - hugs to you and dh (and Bubbles)    We always want to do the best for our children and it is hard to know if we are making the right decisions or not.  Trust your gut instinct and go with that.


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## superal

Magenta - have sent you a pm!

Love
Andrea
x


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## jilldill

Magenta,
Just wanted to send a hug too,  this must be very upsetting for you. As has been said go with your instincts for whats best you are her parents and know her and what is best for her more than anyone else ever could.
Love JD x


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## ♥ M J ♥

Magenta- massive hugs hun

xxx


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## cindyp

Magenta, massive  .  It is so hard to find the balance between but different necessary evils.

I hope you find the best solution for you all.

love Cindy


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## Viva

Hi Everyone, 
I've been meaning to post something on here for ages but never quite seem to get around to it, it's been lovely reading everyone's news.
Magenta, I hope that you get something sorted out in relation to Bubbles pre school, it can be so hard to know what to do for the best sometimes for our littles, I am sure that you will make the right decision for her, you and your DH have done amazingly with her so far! I have to say though that your post did make me ask a few different questions when I spoke to Lola's potential pre school today.

It's a year tomorrow since placement and things are generally good with us although the last few days have been a little trying with Lola! Charlie is now in year 1 and thankfully the upheaval in his behavior was much less than when he started reception, although as we expected there has still been some challenging behaviour to deal with, on bad days we have some spectacular tantrums before school when we are trying to get dressed and out the door! He has now started swimming and this week has his first football club which he is really looking forward to. We're continually surprised by how well he is doing at school, we were so prepared for developmental delay and we spend most of our time at home looking at developing social skills and appropriate expression of emotions and behaviour, that seeing him learn to read and hearing him talk about things he is learning at school and this teacher saying how much he knows is a surprise! 

Lola is growing up fast, we are mid potty training at the moment (week 5!), which is mainly going well apart from her aversion to doing poo's in the potty, she is also driving me absolutely crazy at the moment by saying 'wee wee' then refusing to get on the potty, this she mainly does to get my attention whenever she doesn't have it 100%. In fact we left toddlers early today as she insisted that she wanted a 'wee' and then would not get on the potty, not at all sure I handled it as I should but after a few days of this, I just couldn't cope with a morning of her telling me that she needed a 'wee' then refusing to try as soon as I took her off to use the potty, after all one of the good things about toddlers is having a bit of adult conversation. We've also just put her in her big girl bed which she loves after an inital night or two being unsure, she looks so grown up but little in it, even though it's only her cotbed being a bed. She's also decided to finally cut her canines which is about time as she is nearly 2 1/2 but not great fun, thank goodness for Calpol! Lola's speech is still very delayed, we get about one new word a week although it's not normally a word that anyone else would recognise, her HV said not to worry until she is 3 and that she won't  when we saw her for her 2 year check, but that does seem a long time to wait, especially as I'm seeing more and more younger children overtake her. Does anyone have any experience of this, do you think I should be pushing for a speach and language referral?

I'm back to work this week, working night duties on a friday so not to impact the children, bit nervous about the lack of sleep issue and also sad as I will need to sleep on Saturday morning and the last few weeks this has been a real time for doing lovely things as a family, we have a number of great places to walk, feed the ducks and childrens play areas near us and we've been making the most of them! 

Well that's about it from me for now, my little on is telling me she is hungry so off to sort out some lunch.

Love Viva
X


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## Mummyof2

Hi Viva, just got back off holiday.  Hope your time settling in to being back at work went well.  Our holiday was windy and rainy but we took lots of winter clothes and thick coats so were prepared.  We went on a Sun holiday to Wales and were allocated a 3 bedroomed caravan.  DS2 cried for 20 minutes the first night but after that he settled down and slept fine again.  He has started head butting things and people when he is very tired    Not had any experience of this with ds1.  Hope ds2 will quickly grow out of this phase    He head butted me on my nose and it throbbed for ages afterwards.  He runs at the door and head butts that as well - must hurt    Any thoughts?


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## Viva

Hi Mummyof2,
Glad you had a good holiday, sounds like DS2 is settling in really well! My first night back at work was OK thanks, DH was a star with the littlies especially as they both cried for Mummy, Charlie asking if I was coming back   hopefully next week will be easier for them...it has to be done as we can't afford to pay back the occupational part of my adoption leave if I don't return for 3 months, saying that I do have a job application in at my local hospital that has hours that could be very family friendly so we'll see.

Regarding head banging Lola has just started doing that in the last 2-3 weeks, not in a rhythmic 'soothing' way but more a random I'm bored/cross/this is fun way   I know it's mentioned in a couple of general parenting books in a 'don't worry about this way' so I'm hoping that it's just going to be a short phase. It doesn't have hurt though sometimes, although she seems oblivious (sp?) I get her to say sorry and kiss it better although depending on her mood that can be easier said then done! (She is nearly 2 1/2 now btw)

Viva
X


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## ♥ M J ♥

hi Ladies

Mof2- my DS is 25m old and has started doing this in temper or bordem just like Viva said Lola is doing it- i tend to distract him and hope he stops!

Viva- oh its so hard when the babies get sad however well done to your DH for coping as i know its hard when they cry for one parent!

hope you ladies are all well!

well our 2 have been home now for just over 5months now and it just feels like they have always been here- we are currently waiting a court date which DD is very excited about as at the mo she knows her name is X however will be XX when we see the judge!

xxxx


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## Mummyof2

Thanks for the reassurance that ds2's behaviour is normal - I'd not come across this before.  Did a google search and found quite a few sites about it.  Seems they begin around the age of 18 months and stop when they can communicate well as it is frustration at lack of being able to communicate that causes them to lash out - same cause as tantrums.  Ds2 has only been doing it for just over a week but the sooner he stops the better    I'd hate him to do this to another child at mums and tots as it is painful    It is really weird to see him run at a door, bang his head against it with a loud bash sound and then giggle    He does it to people when he is being stopped from doing something he wants to do.  He did it to me last night when he was trying to climb the stairs at my parents house.  My parents were horrified and my father said "why is he trying to nut you" which made it sound pre-meditated and violent    Bye for now


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## ♥ M J ♥

my DS often runs at things and "bounces" off them! he thought it funny today to run at daddy and bounce of his tummy with a sidewards head bash! plus thought it funny to wear his little "chef" hat and run around the longue with it over his head and spin around and fall over on his bum! it was so funny to watch ! however we stopped it when he started to run into things!!!

xxx


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## Mummyof2

MJ - kids eh


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## Old Timer

Hi Ladies

Thought I'd pop on while ds is having his nap....

We seem to be at a frustrating time with DS.  The last week and a bit he has been continually answering back and talking really nasty to people, mainly me but even to DH when he gets home.  With other people he is being nice and behaving well.  His SW says it just shows he feels safe enough to play up but it is so wearing and I am fed up with having to keep repeating myself.  I know its all very normal 2yr old behaviour and probably just a phase he is going through to see how far he can push, it just makes each day so hard to get through.  Where do they learn to be so nasty??  Its not as though he hears it from us, we always talk in a calm but firm way when telling him off, just don't know how FC etc really handled things like that.

Love
OT x


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## cindyp

OT, sorry to read you are suffering from the terrible two's.  I can sympathise as it is very wearing, it is particularly frustrating when you see them behaving like little angels for other people and little devils for you  .  Nursery can't believe that the little darling daughter I drop off is the same one who has taken to calling me Stupid and sticking the hand towell down the toilet bowl.  She had three time outs this morning before 8.30!!  I think they come with the instinct to find all the right buttons to push.  Unfortunately my DD is also picking up some stuff from her brother and although she has no RAD issues she is learning some undesirable social traits from him (like calling me Stupid).  

I wouldn't worry too much about how the FC handled it as I think it is best to find what works for you.  Have you tried reading Toddler Taming, I found it quite useful.  I'm also watching Supernanny again, her techniques won't work with my DS's issues but I do think they will work with DD, hence the time outs.

Hang in there and come and have a moan on here when he's driving you mad, we will know exactly where you are coming from  

love
Cindy


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## Mummyof2

OT - have sent you a pm hun


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies

Its good to know I'm not alone   though it really has come as a surprise how nasty ds has turned overnight......  I've read a few books and we do use time out, I don't give in to him if I've asked him to do or not do something and he knows he isn't allowed to kick, throw etc, he knows what the boundaries are and yet he choses to go against everything we say when he knows it means he won't go to the park or have a treat or something nice. 

FP, thanks for the PM, will reply now!

AAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love
OT x


----------



## keemjay

OT - sorry to hear things are a bit difficult with DS..its always such a shame when they go through these little 'phases' just keep doing what you're doing, being calm and firm and showing a good example with the language you use and he will soon catch on.. doyou think the ho.iday unsettled him at all ?  to keep you going. how are you finding your funpod?

mummyof2 -sorry havent any advice on the headbanging..any improvements 

magenta - sorry to hear you had some issues with school..hows it going now..hope things have settled down a bit

been lovely to read everyones updates 

saturday was our 1 yr anniversary of littlie coming to live with us..can't believe where the last year has gone..soooo much has happened! we plan to celebrate the day each year but littlie is a bit too young to understand at the mo..we called it her special day and we went to friends for lunch who made her a cake which was really nice, and then we went for a lovely sunny family walk. i read back the pages from the diary i've written for her from this time last year and shed a few tears reading about the excitement of intros and the many 'firsts' 
does anyone else celebrate their adoption day/court day?

love to all

kj x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Keemjay, sounds lovely to celebrate the "special day" in this way.  Thanks for asking - Ds2 is still a little terror but is lovely in lots of other ways.  His headbutting is lessening but he still has tantrums - about 4 a day - but minor ones now.  He seems very bright and his speech is coming on in leaps and bounds so I am assuming his understanding is increasing as well.  Now whenever he comes over to give me a headbutt I pretend he has come for a hug and give him a big hug with lots of aaahhs before he can hit me.  Seemed to have helped    He still hits and headbutts ds1 a lot though.  It's very upsetting to see your first born being hit by his brother who is half his size    Ds1 is a very gentle boy so just stands there and takes it


----------



## jilldill

Hi Girls,

We are back from a really great 2 weeks in Majorca! I can't recommend it enough! Sunshine had an absolute ball and made some lovely little friends. It was wonderful just feeling like the normal family that we are without all the hassle that we have had of late with the paper stuff! That situation is still being sorted out no conclusion as yet. The one good thing is the yearly photo we send to other BF members has been stopped with complete backing from SS's, they agreed it was a child protection issue!

Hope everyone well love JD x


----------



## Old Timer

Hiya

Today started off not too bad then ds decided to play up while a friend was here thinking he'd get away with it.  It gave me a good chance to talk to my friend about everything and hear from her how she went through exactly the same with her children and had all the same feelings and thoughts.  I guess that has helped as I was worried I'd maybe feel different if he had been a BC.

KJ, I can't believe it has been a year already!!!  Where has that time gone?  We are planning to celebrate each year by having a family day, me, DH & ds, spending the day together, not sure doing what yet and I guess as it will be a week before Christmas the weather will have a say in it.  SOunds like you had a lovely day with yummy cake and a nice walk.

FP, sounds like a good plan to stop being hit, can ds1 do something similar?  They can certainly understand a lot more than they want you to think they can at this age.....my ds is very bright too and knows exactly what he is doing and what the consequence will be.


Love
OT x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi OT, ds1 is such a gentle boy that he doesn't seem able to comprehend what is about to happen and only gets upset after ds2 has hit him.  He can't react in time and hug him.  Also he gets confused and thinks that ds2 is going to hug him so bends down for a nice hug and then gets headbutted in the face    Oh well, ds2 will grow out of it and I keep explaining that ds2 isn't deliberately being nasty to ds1 but doesn't understand how much it hurts.

Jilldill - sounds like you had a super holiday.  That's great.  Good news that the photo has been stopped - one up for common sense then    We don't send any photos either but have to send a letter twice a year, starting next month.  It helps that we have met bm so can visualise who we're writing to.


----------



## Old Timer

Jill, glad the holiday went well.  Am pleased they are backing you and the photo has been stopped.  We have always said no to photos for safety reasons, I think if it was out of county I'd feel different but in county its too close to home.

FP, have pm'd you - thanks hun.

Love
OT x


----------



## cindyp

Jill, glad you had a good holiday.  I really like Majorca although we haven't been there since we had the kids.  Good news that SS have seen sense and stopped the photos.

KJ, sounds like a lovely day.  We haven't celebrated in the past because the children are young but the funny thing is that DS's adoption day is DD's birthday.  Yet another funny coincidence that makes me feel we were meant to have these children.

Mof2, it is so difficult when they do this stuff.  We have a problem with DD hitting for attention, it is mainly DS who gets the brunt even though he is twice her age/size, that said she did headbut DH and give him a black eye  .  Saying No and giving the attention to DS when she hit him didn't seem to work but now she is a bit older I am using time outs which seem to be a bit more effective.  We know it is a sibling jealousy thing that she is going through and it will get better.  She is so affectionate (as long as she gets her own way  ) that it is hard to believe that she will wallop you.  We are lucky in the fact that she does not behave this way outside the house.

Hope everyone else is well, I better get back to work as my lunch break is over.

love
Ciny


----------



## HHH

Hi all

It's official...our adoption order has been granted and our adoption ceremony is on Thursday!! I am sooooooo excited. 
Have planned a 'family' day and have a gift for BBB - was thinking of a gift that would last but saw this bright yellow, big dumper truck and straight away knew BBB would love it!! He has loads of toys with wheels but i just know this will be a hit so couldn't resist.

KJ - i am going to celebrate BBB's adoption day every year. I once knew an adopted child who did this he had an 'XX' - his adopted name - day every year and the family went on a day out together. I thought this was lovely so am going to do the same for my BBB. 

love to all

HHH


----------



## Old Timer

Congratulations HHH!  What a fantastic feeling that must be, we have 9 weeks till court.

DS has had a good day today, am hoping its the end of that particular period.

Love
OT x


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies

Happy Halloween!!  

DS has been dressed in his Pumkin outfit since 8am and looks so cute!  We are just taking him to a few friends and family later.

Hope everyone is well.

Love
OT x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi OT, ds sounds cute as a button dressed as a pumpkin.  Not got any outfits for my children.  My friend's son got a scary mask and wore it yesterday when we all went out.  DS2 was very scared and cried so the other child had to take off his mask - ooops.  We are going on an organised ghost hunt tonight - just me and dh.  Looking forward to it.  Last weekend we went to a family event in a hotel and ds2 ran into a table and cut his head.  It's healing well now but lots of tears at the time.  The tantrums have lessened and now rarely happen, along with the headbutting so I only had 10 days of it constantly.  It was very wearing.  DS2 is learning between 3-6 new words a week so that is probably why the tantrums have lessened so much.  He is still extremely active though and cannot be let out of my sight which is very tiring.  

Hi to everyone else.


----------



## superal

Hi everyone

I went o a halloween party last night with our 2 children, DH had to work! 

I have been poorly for a few days BUT tried to make the effort for the children and the party was only at some neighbours across from where we live.

All the women/men were getting drunk & I wasn't drinking, I think it must be my age but when your not drinking, when they laugh at some thing they think is hilarious, I just didn't find it funny.

I certainly didn't find it funny when a mum told me I'm to soft with our DD, I just saw red & said when you've been through the crap we've been though to get to have our family then I think we have a right to be soft on our children!! 

She then realised she had said something to upset me & then did the thing us adopters hate most in the world by going on about how great/fantastic we were for taking on our children..................I grabbed for my coat & made my excuses before saying something I would regret, bit my tongue and went home.

Poured myself a big glass of lucozade & went to bed fuming.

WHY do these people say these things??

I put it down to the drink, normally I would have said something but like my DS said "She's drunk Mum what does she know about anything??"  Wise head for some one who is growing up to quickly!!

Hope everyone else had a better night than me, the children enjoyed it though and thats the main thing!!

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## Mummyof2

andrea -   to you and   to her


----------



## superal

Thanks mummyof2, when will you be round to help me   

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Andrea - how about next Halloween


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies

Can't believe there is only 7 and a bit weeks until Christmas, by then we will be legal as well 

I am actually pretty organised, spent Saturday shopping with a friend for 'other' peoples presents, have already spent too much on DS and DH wants to go out and get some more bits to finish it off.  Just got a couple of 'bits' left to get now and then all the wrapping.

Was wondering when you all put your trees up  We always have a real one, normally in the conservatory but this year it will be in the lounge, and tend to get earlier each year.  Will probably go with the 1st weekend in December.

Can't remember being so excited over Christmas since I was a kid  

Love
OT x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi OT, we are not having a Christmas tree this year as ds2 would be forever pulling at it.  He is so determined and into touching everything.  Couldn't face telling him off all day every day.  We are not going to firework display either as he hates loud noises.  Not going to Pantomime either as he wouldn't sit still long enough.  On the plus side we have booked a ride on Thomas Tank Steam Railway just before Christmas so that will be something to look forward to.  Got his pre-adoption check over on Thursday morning by our local health visitor.  Finally heard that we will be getting child benefit through for him soon as not had any yet.  Still waiting for his settling in grant money as well.  Still waiting for a court date.  Why does it all take so long    I've bought all of ds1's Xmas presents but not got anything for ds2 yet as he has so much already as he inherited all of ds1's toys and also brought a load with him from fc so don't know what to get him.  How are the tantrums going with you?  Ds2 rarely has them any more.  He learns about 5 new words a week at the moment so can get his message across better I guess.


----------



## Old Timer

Hi FP

I have no doubt DS will be constantly trying not to touch our tree but he is pretty good if you tell him not to touch something he remembers, only problem is he now tells us 'my book, don't touch it' or whatever it happens to be!  We aren't doing fireworks either, haven't been for years because of the cats, I like to know where they are and that they are safe, we have been out at 2am before now searching for the one cat in the pouring rain.  Panto, we decided the same though I am going to We're going on a Bear Hunt on Friday with a friend but thats only 55 mins so hopefully he will be OK.  

Where are you having the train ride?  When TTTE came local we couldn't go as it was in the BF area.

Child Benefit is a nightmare, we had to wait about 12 weeks before we saw it.  Have you chased up the settling in money?  Thats taking ages which really isn't fair on you.  Ours came through in time to pay the credit card!

Tantrums aren't as often, thankfully!  More to do with tiredness than anything.  Its funny listening to him now as he is saying so many things that I say, though not always in the right context!  This age is amazing really isn't it?  Just big sponges soaking everything up.

Love
OT x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi OT, the train ride is static and takes place at Telford every year.  Worth a trip if you are ever that way during Christmas time.  

Lucky you ds not touching when you tell him no.  My ds2 is a little terror for repeatedly touching something - even says no when he touches it and looks at me to see if I am watching.  He just can't seem to help himself touching.  My ds2 isn't saying sentences yet but he does string together 2 words ie nightnight daddy or byebye daddy.  

It will be 16 weeks until we get our child benefit regularly but we have now had the back money owed by them.  Seeing sw tonight so will chase settling in allowance and travel expenses as it is a lot of money to be waiting for.  Glad to hear that the tantrums are lessening for you as well.  

We have 3 cats and a dog and they are really scared during the fireworks.

Bye for now


----------



## everhopeful

Hi girls

Just wanted to post a quick update from me. Haven't been around for a while.
It's 5 years today since our last ET so the fireworks are always a reminder of those sad memories   but I've always loved fireworks and we've always made an effort to go to an organised firework display for our DD. With it being babyroo's first one with us, this was supposed to be extra special.... but she's poorly, so we've been nowhere!

Poorly once again with a chesty cough and all phelgmy (is that spelt right?!) so the poor little mite can't suck on her bottle, doesn't want her food and is sleepy and fed up all the time   And let's face it, in this horrible damp dingy weather, I'd rather her be inside all warm and cosy.

So apart from all the bangs going off around us, it's like any other night tonight! And what's all this about a certain event only being 7 weeks away? Surely that can't be right? I am nowhere near organised and ready!!!  

Where has this year gone to?? It's flown so quickly that I blinked and missed September and October completely!!


----------



## Old Timer

Hi FP

Telfords a long way from us   I'm sure your boys will have a great time.

My DS is about 10 months older than yours now and it has taken a while for him to do some of what he is told.  As for talking, in April his review said he was only say single words, well you wouldn't believe it to hear him now!  DS has come on in leaps and bounds and is very bright, just shows what one to one attention and loads of stimulation does!

Both our cats are hiding under the back bed!

Hi Ever

Aaawww, sorry Babyroo is poorly   Hope she is feeling better soon.

Yes, 7 weeks tomorrow until Christmas Day!!

Love
OT x


----------



## superal

Hi

Well 12 years ago today we found out about our DS!!  YES 12 years ago, I feel old!!!

We have a dog who is fast asleep at my feet as I type, he is not bothered about the fireworks one bit BUT then again he is a Labrador and they are gun dogs so a bit of a bang and it doesn't bothere him!!

YES 7 weeks until Christmas, I have done most of my shopping apart from helping father Christmas with his list if you know what I mean.

its going to be so magical for a lot of people this year and also a bit of a disappointment for some BUT there time will come and they wouldn't want us not to enjoy our families, our little or not so little in my case children!!

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Ever, sorry to hear that babyroo is poorly.  Hope she has a speedy recovery.

OT - I forget that your ds is older than mine by almost a year.  DS2 had his first check up with my Health Visitor this morning.  She stayed for about an hour and she was impressed with his development and said his jumping skills are better than some 3 year olds.  She also said his speech was excellent and he is going to be a chatter box.  He is meeting or exceeding all his age related developmental skills.  She wants to see us once a month at the clinic to take his weight and height (routine).   It's nice to have it confirmed that ds2 is doing well    All my cats and dog were petrified of the fireworks last night.  Thank goodness it's over for another year (I hope).

Andrea - it seems strange to me to hear that some dogs aren't scared of fireworks as my border collie shivered and shook all night from the noise.  Well done on doing all your shopping.  I've done a large part of it.  I do it online as I hate shopping in crowds.  DH likes to go by himself on Christmas Eve to get his bits and pieces.  That would do my head in!

bye for now


----------



## Barbarella

Hi Everyone

I've not been on here for a little while - been so busy with another website I go on, and have taken on some work commitments with them.  Have been doing some writing as well, which is exciting. 

We're coming up to our 2nd anniversary with Bea.  She is a little joy.. feisty and determined and sometimes challenging, but she's just so funny and a character.  She starts pre-school in January, which is bitter/sweet. Had to hold back the tears when we took her for a visit as she looked so small... but I know she will blossom and I can't wai to see the next phase in her life.   We are currently potty training and doing really well. I've been lazy and haven't been very pro-active, but she's just naturally started this week.  She loves her new Dora pants and we call Dora on my mobile every time we have a wee. 

We have taken part in National Adoption Week this year for our LA to help promote adoption and I am going to volunteer to become a Group Co-ordinator with Adoption Uk to help support local adopters and help with hosting events.  Have also written an introduction to an adoption book which is out this month. 

We did enquire about adopting #2 but they told us we had to wait until Bea was 5 and I just can't wait that long. I celebrated my 40th birthday this year, and the thought of doing this all over again when I'm 45 is just not a good one quite frankly.  So looks like we'll stay a family of 3.. a very happy one.  Just feels a shame for Bea but I understand their reasons.  I was a bit shocked, I really thought they would snap up experienced adopters, but it seems you go right back go the beginning!! 

Lovely to still see some of the people I chatted to while going through the process.  Laine, Old Timer, Ever, Cindyp, KJ, Magenta, Jilldill (although we keep in touch) etc.  

Superal... hiya hon, glad to see you are still on here.. I did send you an email ages ago, but life just takes over sometimes doesn't it. 

HHH... congrats on your adoption day... that has come round so quickly (or it seems it)... glad things are well with you all.

Soooooooooooo looking forward to Christmas.. I cannot wait.  Bea is really into it this year and when we ask her what she wants Father Christmas to bring her, she replies "laptop".. LOL.  She's 2 and a half for goodness sake.. lol.

Love C xx


----------



## Barbarella

does anyone else celebrate their adoption day/court day?

love to all

kj x
[/quote]

We do KJ... this year we bought her a present, which we opened in the morning and made a big fuss, then took her out to dinner with her core family who are around her all the time, i.e. grandparents and 2 close aunties. We will do something every year, we love it. 
Carole xx


----------



## cindyp

Nice to hear from you Carole, I'm not surprised you've not been on it sounds like you've been mega busy.  I must say that I am surprised that they are making you wait till Bea is five before you can adopt again.  We were simply told a year from the formal adoption day and it was two years since DS was placed with us when we started the process for DD.  As you have had Bea for two years I would have thought that long enough to wait, did you consider going to another LA?  Mind you I can understand your misgivings at starting again at 45, being a 45yo whose DD is definitely a terrible two I can testify that it does add a few more wrinkles to your face!!     

Sorry I haven't been on much everyone DS is finding the adjustment to school a bit hard.  He is fine when he is there but all of his bottled up anxieties tend to come out when he is at home which can be a bit tiring to deal with.  Last week wasn't much fun because although he likes to look at the fireworks the noise upset him.  DD continues to be lovely and entertaining chatting away nineteen to the dozen but as mentioned above she is a bit of a terrible two, into everything and doing her best diva impressions if she can't get her own way.  She is at pre-school/nursery five mornings a week and loves it.  I must admit we started celebrating adoption day but have stopped because it got confusing especially as DS's adoption day is DD's birthday.  

Better go, she's just woken from her nap.

love to all
Cindy


----------



## Viva

Hi, 
All is quiet for a bit as DH is home from work early for once and taking Lola to pick Charlie up from his football club. It's been wonderful entering our second year as Mummy and Daddy, we almost had to peel Charlie off the ceiling leading up to bonfire night as he could remember what we did last year and couldn't wait, Christmas should be amazing if rather excitable this year. We had a low key celebration for their placement day bought them a small gift each, cooked their favourite tea and made a cake with 1 candle in the top as we've been a family for 1 year, I think that we'll probably celebrate placement day rather than adoption day, have been telling Charlie from day 1 that we will always be his Mummy and Daddy etc and not sure how much sense the legalness of actually being adopted would mean to him at the moment!

Charlie is getting much more settled at school, although he is still 'wetting' at night frequently partly I think because he is so tired, he seems to need alot of sleep, and being such a young one at school there can be alot to cope with, saying that he is doing very well, his reading is coming on really well and he's a proper little sponge at home and school for any information. He's also been having swimming lessons and it's great seeing how much more confident he is in the water. He still has his 'moments' but they are less frequent and less intense on the whole.

Lola, is growing up fast and pretty much dry by day now (poo's are a different matter, but believe me you don't want too much detail on that!) her HV came around last week and she has agreed to refer her for speech therapy and a hearing assessment, her speech is delayed and it is causing her considerable frustration at times. She has finally at 2 1/2 cut all her canine teeth and apparantly late teething can sometimes cause hearing issues, so we'll see.

Am also getting my head around our big surprise, had a scan today and all is well, just need to decide when to tell the munchkins now and to think very carefully about everything we can do to reassure them that we will always love and look after them just the same. Was thinking about instigating 'special' time in a more organised way where each of them get to spend some one2one time with each of us. We will also probably put Charlies bed time back a bit so he gets some special time just with us. If anyone has any ideas I'd love to hear them. 

Cindy, hope that things are getting easier with your DS, the half a term for Charlie was incredibly hard when he started school and we saw some of his worst behaviour to date, he would at times get extremely aggressive and violent towards me even though he seemed to hold it together well at school. Do PM me if you ever want to chat.

Barbarella, lovely to hear that things are going so well with Bea, I remember her being placed around the same time we were starting our HS.

Mummyof2 sounds like you're little man is doing increadibly well you must be so chuffed.

Superal, 12 years! Does it feel as if it's gone really fast?

Ever, Hope Babyroo is on the mend by now.

OT, how was Bear Hunt? We always have to recite the story when we are out for a walk the children love it!

HHH, hope you had a magical adoption day.

Jilldill, sounds like your holiday was fab, glad to hear that some sensible decisions have been made with regard to the paper issue.

Viva
X


----------



## jilldill

Thanks Viva,
Great to hear all your news and lovely update on Charlie and Lola. The paper situation is lingering on I'm afraid these things are never going to be clear cut I guess. We did have such a wonderful holiday Sunshine is just an absolute joy.
Looking forward to our third family Christmas!!! 
JD x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi everyone, it's lovely to catch up with everything that is going on with you all.  Dh has taken the boys shopping at Waitrose and then onto the library as ds1 has got a school project to do on the Romans, so I am having a bit of me time.  Ds2 is teething at the moment and he gets a very sore bottom with it which makes you wince to look at it.  He has refused to have his afternoon naps all week so by 5pm he is fit for nothing apart from sobbing at the slightest thing.  Gave in last night and put him to bed at 6pm instead of 7pm but he woke at 5am instead of 6am this morning so we have all been up since then    Have finally got our settlement money come through and mileage claim money and child benefit so that is a relief!  Not got a court date yet though but both sw are writing their reports in readiness.

Viva - great to hear that your pregnancy is going well and that the children are doing well too.

Cindy -   to you for the worry about ds and school.  Hope he is a bit more settled now.

KJ - I don't think we will celebrate adoption day every year as I think that ds1 would feel left out that he had no special day to celebrate.  I expect we will celebrate in a small way this year with our immediate families - perhaps a meal out.


----------



## cindyp

Mof2, my sympathies on the nap problem, I remember going through it with DS.  I must admit I think DD is ready to give them up but I still put her down for an hour just so I can have some lunch in peace and sort out the kitchen. 

JD, sorry the paper thing is lingering on.

Viva, glad the pg is going well.  Have sent you a PM.

I'm being organised this year and hope to complete my Xmas shopping by the end of this month.  It doesn't help that I also have 8 birthdays including DH and DS the week before Xmas.  Trying to decide what to do for DS's birthday, there seems to be a worrying trend at the moment to have the whole class invited to parties but I can't face having 18 kids in my house the week before Xmas and I can't afford to take that many kids to an outside party.  I think I will just brave it and ask him to pick his 6 closest friends.  

Really looking forward to Xmas, DD is old enough to appreciate it this year, in fact she's joined in with her brother.  She doesn't watch TV as such but has started saying "I want that" when the adverts come on.  God help us when she really knows what it is she wants and starts exerting her pester power    My parents are coming to stay so that should be nice.  They are bringing their puppy so things could be a bit manic in our house Xmas morning.  

Talking of the puppy I was a bit worried when I went to a half-term adoption event that the kids would start talking in front of the SW's about being in the cage.  My parents had come for a visit and the kids loved taking it in turns climbing into the puppy's travel cage.  Honest I wasn't tempted to lock them in, well not much   .  Hopefully when we go to the After Adoption Xmas party they would have forgotten all about it.

Felt a bit broody this week, BIL has just had a new baby.  It was a bit of a surprise as they spent years ttc and had twins through IVF then like Viva had this surprise pg.  It does mean that they now have 3 boys under 2 as the twins aren't 2 till the end of this month so life will be fun for them.  Going to meet the new nephew when we go to the twins' birthday party.

Should really go to bed now, both kids have a cold and will be waking up so I better get some zzzzs.

love
Cindy


----------



## magenta

hi everyone,

It is great to hear everyone's news.

No particular update here.  

We enjoyed a lovely family holiday up in the Highlands to celebrate 2 years since Bubbles moved in.  The weather was glorious, crisp and cool but with blue skies which made autumn walks in the woods just glorious.

Bubbles starts her new nursery tomorrow (following the disasterous first attempt back in September).  We are all hoping and praying that she settles more easily here and the signs are good so far (she has done two settling in days).  If all goes well she will do 3 full mornings a week 8 -1 and we will look to increase it in late 2009 to give her a feel for 5 days a week at school which she is due to start August 2010.  The best thing to have come from the bad nursery start is that we are now better aware of what support she may need and how to access it.  She has several referrals in the pipeline and we are hoping to start discussions with sw/education dept next year about putting support in place prior to her starting school (for 2010 - yes that is how long we have been told it might take!) in order to minimise upset for all concerned.  She is unlikely to need long term support but I think there is now some sort of concensus that she might need one-to-one / close support for the first term or two, just to get to know the class rules, settle herself and have someone to turn to in a big class of 30 plus children.

Magenta x


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Everyone,

Nice to read all your up dates. For us Pinky has been home with us for a year now, i must say this year has flown but it also seems like she has been around forever. Pooh bear is loving school but has been off for a week with really bad virus and high temp which he then shared with pinky and daddy,so i have had a house full of pooleys for over a week!!!!!!!! I have been like the walking dead from broken sleep, so glad it is all getting back to normal.

Not done any xmas shopping yet, so really must get started. I love xmas and it is also a busy birthday time with mine, pinky and DH all in december aswell. 

Love working only 2.5 days but feeling the pinch on the money front, like us all this credi crunch is abit off a bummer, but hey ho i have a fab dh and 2 wonderful kids, who needs money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

TTFN

PBMx


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies

Its great reading your updates.

Carole, nice to hear from you.  2yrs!  Wow!  You sound really busy.  Hope potty training continues to go well and I'm sure Bea will love nursery in the New Year.  DS goes for 3 hours and its lovely to hear him excited tell me what hes done and he comes rushing over to me for a cuddle when I pick him up 

Viva, so pleased all is going well with your children and pg.  

Cindy, hope ds feels more settled at school soon.  Had to smile about the cage  bound to be the bit they want to tell everyone!

Mof2/FP, glad you got all your money back now and hope you get your court date soon.

Magenta, hope all goes well with nursery and getting the help Bubbles needs to settle into school eventually.

PBM, a year since Pinky moved in!  Time certainly flies when your a parent.

DS loved the Bear Hunt and keeps singing 'Gonna catch a big one!'  He was really well behaved through the whole day, went on the park and ride, went to the show, had lunch and then looked round a few shops.  My friends DD whose 4th birthday it was for was a nightmare!  Her terrible 2s came at 3 and I was so pleased ds didn't start as well.

DS has settled really well at nursery, only 3hours a week but he loves it.  After Christmas he is going to start at Playgroup for 3 hours as well so he can mix with children that he will eventually go to school with.  He is such a bright, funny little boy and brings us so much joy.  His tantrums have all but stopped, we have introduced a 'time-out' chair which he hates but he does stay on it when put there, screams his head off though.  Considering he is 2yrs 8mths he is only on there once or twice a day, somedays not at all, which I think is pretty good.

We are starting potty training at the end of November.  He already does poos on the toilet and will wee at the same time, also when he gets up, at bath time and nappy changing he goes on the loo.  He is ready for it but I do wonder whether he will remember when he is engrossed playing.

Right, best go and get him, he likes looking at his books in the morning so sits in bed with his teddies and some books and then calls me when he has finished and wants he brekkie!

Love
OT x


----------



## Mummyof2

It's lovely that this thread is being used again.  I love reading about where you are all at.

Not much news here.  We have been told that we will be getting a court date for the new year but no definite date yet.  I will be glad when all the sw visits stop as I have one every 10 days from either my sw or ds2's.  

DS2 actually had a sleep today and his teething rash is much improved - wonder if the 2 are related?

Off to do the school run shortly so bye for now.


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi folk,

feeling a little shellshocked at the mo. we go to panel tomorrow to (hopefully) get approved to adopt a second child. Our SW was here this morning to sign off on something we forgot, and told us that she already has someone they want us to consider. Thing is BM is also pg, so it would more than likely mean the sibling would join us later in the year....so we'd go from having one child to haveing 3 in one year. I can't help but be really excited, but am not sure if i'm being unrealistic about what's involved. Its all a way off being real, but cna't stop thinking about it. the good thing is that we'd be done, family wise if you know what i mean, 3 was where we saw ourselves stoppig, so we wouldn't have to apply again for no.3 ina few years. The other thing is the that Boo has always said he wants both a  sister and brother and this would give him that. the older of the 2 has a similar background to boo (so that's kinda in our comfort zone), and then there's the opportunity of getting a very young child.....all positives

negatives....will we be able to afford childcare for 2 when i go back to work?? Will boo resent not have a blood- relative as they will have each other? Will have a 5 year old, a 2 year old and one a few montsh old be too much....aargh

any and all thougths on this welcome....

xruthie


----------



## magenta

Just a wee update to let you all know that Bubbles has settled into her new nursery really, really well.  It would also appear that with just a teeny bit of extra help to settle (and knowing which adult to ask if she needs help) she isn't half as bad as previous nursery had indicated and in fact, although a little behind is supposedly doing really well after only a week and a bit. Lesson to be learnt - don't assume that the 'best nursery/school/whatever' in the area is 'best' for your child and be prepared to change to plan b if required.

Magenta x
(who has just sat in bed with her gorgeous daughter for half an hour reading stories and singing songs together - bliss)


----------



## Viva

So lovely to hear that Bubbles has settled so well into Nursery it sounds as if you have found just the right place for her I'm sure that she will continue to blossom in the way that she so obviously has since being with you.

Ruthie, I'm not surprised that you're head is spinning a little, all the best for panel tomorrow I'm sure that you'll fly through. So many positives to this potential match especially the fact that Boo and this other little one will have similar backgrounds, but so many practical considerations too. You may be pleasantly surprised at Boo's response, we are in an unexpected situation having found that I am pregnant, we told the children this weekend and to be honest I was a bit concerned what Charlies reaction would be (he is 5 now) his response was 'there will be 5 of us then' bless him, I then watched closely to see if his behavious indicated that he felt unsettled by the news...no change...normal Charlie, just occasionally saying that 'Mummy has a baby in her tummy' and expressing his (strong!) preference for a baby brother! I think that the implications of having blood relations probably won't be relevant for a long time and that of course gives plenty of time to lay ground work. Just my opinion but I also think that it would also be easier for Boo being the eldest and the one placed first as his place in your family is very certain, rather then if you had adopted siblings and then adopted another who was unrelated. As for workload...we'll be doing nearly 6, 3 and then newborn and I'd be lying if I said that I certainly have moments wondering how I'm going to balance it all! I'm sure that you'll make the right decision...and all the best again for tomorrow, I look forward to hearing your update.

Mummyof2, all the best with your court date, I can't believe your still getting SW visits every 10 days or so, each LA and SW is so different, our children's SW kept 'forgetting' our visit (I think they have to visit at least once a month) and she would ring up short notice to come and I'd normally have to cancel things we had planned. Of course I think the fact we were 40 miles away kept them to the minimum too!

OT, how do you get your DS to sit on the step, Lola (now 2 1/2) won't sit/stay anywhere when she has been 'naughty' she just has a major tantrum that Mummy is trying to discipline her and fights me, I have resorted to 2 minutes time out in her bedroom as it's the only place I can safely contain her and she does them calm down enough to listen to me! All the best with the potty training, we are still waiting for Lola to master the poo thing, that will be a cause for a BIG celebration!

Cindy and PBM sounds like you're both in for busy Decembers with Birthdays as well as Christmas, I hope all the shopping is going well. Cindy we had 4 little boys around for Charlies birthday and it was lovely so relaxed and actually much better for him as he didn't get overwhelmed.

Took Lola to have her hearing tested today and got the all clear, she was such a little poppet and quite won the audiologist over, however her ear drums aren't moving properly so we have to go back in 3 months to check that this is resolving (probably due to congestion as she's just had a nasty cold) and that her hearing is still uneffected. Just waiting on the speech refferal now although in the last week or two she seems to be making a real effort to say more, it's just very unclear and I think that Mummy is probably the best at making sense of it, other's may have a bit more fun trying to decipher!

Off for an early night now.

Love to all
Viva
X


----------



## cindyp

Ruthie, good luck for tomorrow, I'm sure you will be fine.  Sounds like possible exciting news, keep us posted.

Magenta, so pleased you have got Bubbles settled at the new nursery. 

Viva, pleased that your pg news went down well with the children.  Your desc of Lola made me smile made me smile as it sounds so like Cuddles.  Time outs have been a limited success for us but I've found that silly things like saying she won't get to wear her jacket works (after the initial tantrum reaction)  .  We have to keep saying to her "Stop shouting" as she automatically goes into to diva mode if she can't get her own way.

Mof2, pleased DS2 is sleeping better again, I bet it was his teeth that was unsettling him.  Are both your boys getting excited?

OT, hope the potty training goes well.

PBM, hope you are all better, both our kids had that bug and it is not very nice.  Fortunately we seemed to escape it.  You're right, the time has flown I can't believe it has been a year since we went to the tramway museum.

We are celebrating the fact that our DD has decided to potty train herself.  I was planning to give it a go during the Xmas holidays but as soon as she saw the knickers we had bought her she insisted on wearing them and has only had one accident in 5 days.   
She is so much more independent than DS was at her age.  Have to laugh as she has started copying her brother when the TV adverts come on by saying "I want that" to everything.  I'd need to be a multi millionaire to buy all the stuff they've been asking for!!
We're not having a party for DS's birthday, just a family tea but I'm going to take the kids to Gullivers Kingdom instead to see Santa when we visit the family before Xmas. 

Andrea, JD, Laine, Tracey and everyone else, hope you are all well.

Better get to bed, DD is still waking at 5!!!

love
Cindy


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies

Ruthie, good luck for today, am sure you will pass with flying colours!  Wow, the possibilities of 2 more children within a year.....VERY exciting but lots to think about.  I don't think the blood relation bit will cause a problem, there may be questions later but I'm sure Boo will feel secure enough to not be effected by any of it.  We have no chance of a birth sibling for ds so would be in the same boat if it happened to us.

Magenta, great to hear Bubbles has settled into the new nursery.  Just goes to show what a bit of help can do.

Viva, glad to hear all is well with your pg and the children have taken the news well.  Getting DS to sit on the chair/step was a struggle and like you for months the only place we could do time out and keep him contained was his bedroom.  About 4-6 weeks ago I sat him down and explained really simply that we would use the chair from now on, that he would have to sit there until I said he could get off.  When DH came home I told him, again in simple words, in front of DS what we had decided.  Simple words used for DS's benefit not DH's   It meant that DS knew Daddy was in on it and would do the same.  The first few times he kept getting off so I just kept putting him back, he soon learnt it was better to stay put and get it over with!  He normally screams the house down and then says 'Sorry Mummy/Daddy' depending who put him there, but even the screaming is getting less now.  Its not easy, I've been nearly in tears before now listening to him but it is working and he is learning.

Cindy, well done to your DD!    We have bought pants with DS and he is eager to wear them, this is the first space of time for ages we have had enough days 'free' to stay home.  We get 'I want that...' as well so think it is just something programmed in, at a certain age they come out with those words completely out of the blue 

Mof2, good to hear the sleeping has improved, hope you are doing OK.

Hi to everyone else, got to go and get brekkie, chat soon.
Love
OT x


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## Ruthiebabe

just thought i'd let you know we were approved!! hurray!! SW sending us info next week and the potential macth i mentioned yesterday. we're all feeling quite positive about it, so i'll let you know if anything happens with it,

thanks for all you words of support,
xxruthie


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## jilldill

Great news Ruthie, and how exciting about the possible matche/s
Love JD x


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## Mummyof2

Hi everyone, well we are back to the no sleep at lunch time or 20-30 mins if I am lucky.  DS2 wakes up in the morning sobbing and screaming so we all wake with a jolt!  He woke at 5.15 am this morning.  He used to wake up silently and then talk quietly for a while but no longer    Thankfully he goes to sleep well at night.  He is continually testing boundaries which is very frustrating when I am in a rush for the school run.  He refused to put his coat on or his shoes and runs across our drive away from the car when I open the front door and stands by our hedge.  When I call him he says "no".  I realise it is just his age but it is very  

Ruthie - congratulations on being approved.  Can't help with your decision but personally 2 children is enough for me!

Magenta - great news that Bubbles has settled so well into her new nursery.

Cindy - well done to dd.  I didn't train my son until he was 3 and we only had about 4 accidents in total so I plan to do the same with ds2.

Hi to everyone else.


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## Viva

Mummof2 are you sure you're not describing my daughter? I seriously need to learn to allow an additional 10 minutes before we leave to go anywhere (of course on the days I do allow that extra time she is a complete angel!) Her newest trick is to pull away from me and try and run into the road, funnily enough Mummy gets very cross (and scared) when she does this!

Ruthie, congratulations about being approved at panel, thinking of you as you consider this potential match.

Cindy sounds as if your DD is doing brilliantly with the 'pants training' as a good friend of mine likes to call it, it certainly is a cause for celebration.

OT I think I need to bite the bullet with the naughty spot again (or perhaps we might try the naughty step instead, my beautiful daughter can just be so willful!

Charlie, finished his swimming lessons for this term yesterday and has graduated to level 2! I feel so proud of him when I think that less than a year ago he just used to cling to us in the pool. Today Lola keeps running up to me to give me hugs and kisses, just delicious!

Hi to everyone else.
Viva
X


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## Old Timer

Congratulations Ruthie, keep us posted on the possible match.

Mof2, sorry DS2 is being a toad at the moment.  Poor chap waking up like that, has anything changed that could be causing it?  Could even be just the darker mornings?  As for running off, DS used to do this, didn't dare let go of him when out so we used reins and more recently he has preferred a wrist strap (I think he likes the fact its round my wrist as well!) if we are going out around town and I don't want his pushchair.  

Viva, you may find in the next month or so something just clicks into place, I think ds was suddenly more able to understand what would happen and why.  DS is very strong willed as well but I am also very stubborn and stick to what I say, he has learnt that over the last 5-6 months and most of the time knows its easier to stay put.  We call it the 'time-out chair' but he knows he goes on it if he is naughty.  Well done Charlie!  I take DS swimming to a toddler type thing, DS has a great time and his confidence has grown.  Its amazing what they can do when they feel secure.

Hi to everyone else.
Love
OT x


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## Mummyof2

Hi OT, we can't work out why he wakes up like that.  We leave the light on low for him all night so it isn't the dark. The fireworks had a negative effect on his sleeping and we had about a month's worth with Divali as well just before Bonfire Night so possibly that has set it off.  He's fine once someone goes into see him and is a very happy chap all the rest of the time.  I use reins on him when we get out the other end on the school run, although one of the parents was keen to point out how old fashioned they were    Bought them brand new from Boots so obviously there is still a call for them, despite them being so "old fashioned nowadays".  We do have the single strap somewhere from when ds1 was small so might dig it out.  Sold our travel system this morning from when ds1 was born so that was sad but the money will come in useful just before Christmas.  Bye for now


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## shivster

I use reins as well Mummyof2 you are certainly not alone. My little man loves walking but will let go of your hand when you least expect it and then he is off. We have the set from Boots too! My Mum and the other grandparents also have a set!

We also have a little life rucksack we bought when we were stranded without reins or buggy somewhere. He carrys his nappy and pack of wipes in it! It's a very cute cow print but was £16 when we bought it. The rucksack has an integral parent strap attached. http://www.alongcamebaby.co.uk/acatalog/New_Toddler_Animal_Rucksacks.html DS loves this!

Greetings to all!

Shivster 

/links


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## Mummyof2

Hi Shivster - thanks for the link.  Will have a think about getting one of those as they can't be called "old fashioned"!  Good to know that so many of us mums are using the reins


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## Old Timer

Hiya

I think I've seen more poeple using the wrist straps than reins but I've still seen alot of them about.  Wouldn't worry about them being 'old fashioned' as long as they keep him safe.  You can get lots of different back packs that also have the strap but they are expensive and as ds was used to reins we stuck with the cheaper option!

Aahhh, Mof2 I bet that was bitter sweet selling the travel system but as you say the money will come in useful.


Well, we started with the potty training this afternoon after his nap and started off well, went down hill a bit and then back up.  4 wet pairs of pants and 3 pairs of jogging bottoms.  Thank good ness for tumble driers!  We have spoken to DS about tomorrow and said everytime he manages a wee on the potty he will get a smartie.  He thinks thats a good idea so hopefully it will encourage him and I'll have less washing by the end of tomorrow.

We had a letter yesterday from the courts saying our court had changed and also the date was different....Having thought about the way its worded I am going to phone them Monday to check they haven't made a mistake with the date....

Love
OT x


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## Viva

We've used reins too, not so much now but quite a lot a few months ago, if it works for you....


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## Old Timer

Today we have decided to stop the potty training until after Christmas.  DH and I both have colds that are getting worse, DS thinks its more fun weeing in his pants because 'Mummy has some more' and had decided he won't sit on the potty for more than 2 seconds.  I need to get rid of my cold and then tackle this but have so much on over the next few weeks it will have to be after the initial excitement of Christmas.

Ot x


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## Old Timer

The letter with a date change was a typing error!  Good job I checked.....


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## ♥ M J ♥

Old Timer said:


> The letter with a date change was a typing error! Good job I checked.....


So is it back to orig date however differant location?

xxx


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## Old Timer

Yes, thats right M J.  Wouldn't we have looked idiots if we'd not checked!

Never mind, still be all done and dusted by christmas.

OT x


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## wynnster

Hello Ladies 

Hope I can join you, can't quite believe i'm posting here -finally!

I just wanted to pick your brains on something, DS has been home now for 6 days and is settling in well and finding his feet.  We have stuck to his routine but just find his bedtime routine stressful so we have changed it for 3 nights running now but i'm now thinking maybe this is wrong?

FC's routine was to bath him at 6, then bring him downstairs for his bottle (where he'd play with his toys again) then take him upstairs to bed at 7 where he will cry but eventually go off to sleep.  
All we have done is take him for his bath at 6:20ish and then straight to his bedroom where we have read him a story whilst having his bottle, then into bed and he's gone straight to sleep without a peep.

It just occured to me last night that maybe we shouldn't have changed things quite so soon but then again he is seeming more settled with this new routine  

Looking forward to posting as a 'Mummy' now


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## keemjay

hi new mummy 
well these similarities just go on 
that was exactly littlies routine and we changed it quite quickly too..we found it was much better keeping her upstairs, chilling out in her room reading stories and having a sort of wind down time together..then one of us would settle her down in her cot, taking it in turns.we did it with all 3 of us to start with, then gradually one of us would slip out and leave the other to stories thereby getting her used to just one of us doing the bedtime routine as i didnt want her to get it in to her head only mummy or only daddy would do. we did this over several weeks and then occassionally when we were all more settled we deviated now and again and she would come downstairs..these days it depends on timing, sometimes theres time for some tv and sometimes not and she's happy with either 
dont worry about such a small change in the routine, he's young anough to adapt easily, do what seems to work for you better 

cnat wait to hear more about it all 

kj x


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## Viva

Hi Wynnster, 
We changed both of ours bedtime routines as they didn't really have much of one and DD was a dreadful sleeper they both got used to it very quickly. I think it sounds as if your DS is already settled with your new routine for him (and you probably already know instinctively what is right for him) so stick with it. Not everything that we are suggested to do as adoptive parents actually is the right thing in every instance for every child and it sounds as if already you are working out what is right for your son.
HAve a lovely weekend together.
Viva
X


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## Old Timer

Hi Wynnster

Welcome!  Its great to see you posting hear.

Our ds didn't really have a bedtime routine other than when in bed he stayed put!  I don't think FCs do anything much in bedrooms as they deal with so many different cases and never really know what may have happened, though for your LO there wouldn't have been reason to not read stories in the bedroom.  We changed ours completely really, he always had a bath in the morning which wasn't practical for us so we changed it to the evening followed by stories in bedroom and straight to bed.  As our ds is older he has his milk at tea time and it is finished before he goes for his bath.  

It sounds as though your ds is settling well and the slight change you have made hasn't caused any problems so I would stick with it, certainly sounds a much better routine.

Love
OT x


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## Mummyof2

Hi Wynnster.  We changed the routine over a few weeks.  We changed to bath ds2 every other night (not every night).  We felt at 18 months he was too old for a bottle as they can get stuck on having a bottle at night for years if you're not careful - my friend's dd refused to give hers up until she was 8 years old   - so we stopped that after a couple of weeks.  He didn't seem to miss it. If he had done we would have continued until he was 2.  Our ds2 goes up to bed at 6.30pm and straight to bed every other night or bath alternate nights and bed at 7pm.  He doesn't have a story and didn't have one at fc. He doesn't concentrate for long enough to listen to a story yet.  He has always been a good sleeper at night but not in the afternoon.  FC used to moisturise his skin every night and massage him but we didn't continue with that as her bed & bath time routine took a good hour    You have to do what suits you and it sounds like ds is settling in very well so don't worry.


----------



## Old Timer

Well, our tree is up and DS went to see Father Christmas today.

We decorated most of the tree while ds had his nap and left certain bits for him to put on.  We took lots of photos of Father Christmas and decorating the tree.

Feels a bit more Christmassy now 

Love
OT x


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## wynnster

Hi All

Thanks for the reassurance on munchkins bedtime routine.  He is so much more settled at bedtime and drifts off straight to sleep it was horrid just to leave him to cry    He doesn't have a story as such, it's a book with 4 animals in and makes a noise so he sits and looks at that with mummy or daddy (whoever's turn it is) then says nite nite to each one before we put him in his cot.  That in itself should get him used to us sitting in his room with a book for when he is old enough for a story.

He has been home for a week tomorrow and continues to settle more and more.  Today's new word was 'Fork' only not sounding quite like Fork      Oops.

We are really looking forward to christmas but we are keeping everything very low-key this year for obvious reasons.  We usually get a 7ft real tree but this year we're planning on a 2ft artifical one and just one present each.  We're out for chirstmas lunch too so we dont have the fuss that cooking christmas dinner makes. 
That must have been so magical to see DS with father christmas OT, looking forward to that sort of thing next year. 

I'm absolutely loving being a new mummy, although it is very tiring and i'm in bed asleep by 9 most nights - I wouldn't change it for the world. 

Keemjay - This is getting a bit spooky now   How are your gorgeous pair?


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## TraceyH

Hi All

Wynnster - Glad that little one seems to have settled in well.  We too changed the bedtime routine to similar to yours.  We had a couple of nights where he took a little longer to settle, but we have never looked back.  Keep up the good work.

We have bought our Christmas tree today.  DH is taking little one swimming in morning whilst I decorate it and leave a few bits for him to put on.  He is very excited this year and we are staying at home this year so it will be more relaxed.  We have been to see Santa and he sang him the "When Santa got stuck up the chimmney song"- bless him.

Happy Christmas to everyone.

Tracey x


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## shivster

*Wynnster* just realised you have got your little boy back! What an awful ordeal but I am so glad he is home for Christmas.

Re stories - Our little bear was 17 months when he came home and because we couldn't manage the whole story in cot thing we started having the story all snuggled up in our bed, yes all three of us each night! We are still doing that now even though he has been sleeping in a bed for 6 months. It's just our routine. Tonight for the first time he fell asleep during storytime and we carried him to his own bed asleep. I was very supprised as we normally have 3 stories and then tuck him into his own bed!

Another first this week - letterbox contact. I found it amazingly easy to write actually. Once I got started it just flowed.

We are resisting Christmas trees until the last sunday in advent ish... that's two weeks. Mainly because the Christmas box is buried somewhere!!! I have written half the Christmas cards today.
All Christmas shopping done!!  I am a little smug!
Love shivster xx


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## naoise

Hi I know I haven't been here in ages and I think its about time I pulled my socks up and joined in. New mummy I changed T's bedtime as soon as she got here, her fcs let her stay up until they were going to bed and then let her sleep in their room, I had a lot of sleepless nights I can tell you!  She wouldn't go to sleep unless I stayed in the room with her. But she settled really well it is wonderful how adaptable kids can be. Well this is our second Xmas with our girls and the year seems to have flown. They are all really excited and can't wait for the big day. We are going to see T in her Xmas play on Friday she is a shepherd   The girls have at long last been freed for adoption and we have sent in the papers to the courts, so hopefully it won't take too long till we get our big day. We have been fostering them now for 18 months and we really thought we would never get there.
I have most of my shopping done but still have a few stocking fillers to get we have got a new kitten and she is more often up the Xmas tree than down it and the baubles are everywhere. N has cleaned her room at least ten times for santa coming and she wants a  Barbie vacuum cleaner for Xmas does anyone have one as I think it might be too small for her she is six and quite tall.

I see that we have been talking about reins and wrist straps has anyone any idea how to keep a five year old beside you as C is constantly running away she just loves to get to the shops and run it drives me mad I have started a little jar and if you get x number of marbles in it then you don't get a special treat which is working so far . BUt they get bored quite quickly of things so Iknow it won't last long.

Anyway have to go get T from nursery

Keli


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## superal

This Sunday i am taking our DS to visit his half brother and I'm not looking forward to it at all.

DS doesn't really want to go BUT I have persuaded him to try to keep some links as he may regret cutting the ties when he is older.  We only go once a year now and usually at Xmas time to swap presents............. 

Its only an hours drive and we only stay for about 2 hours max BUT I just can't face making small talk and I feel guilty for thinking this way as Its me who saying keep the ties open and not cut them & I keep telling myself I am doing it for our ds BUT the question I want to ask is am I doing the right thing

I know most of you do not have children my age and are new adopters but your thought and views and encouragement that I AM DOING THE RIGHT THING WOULD BE Appreciated!!!

Love
Andrea
X


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## naoise

Hi Superal 

I think in my humble opinion that you are doing the right thing, even though your son may not think so. At least it is only for a short time but I know what you mean I find it really hard to make small talk, there is only so much you can chat about the weather. Maybe you could cut down the amount of time you stay for. Two hours is a long time to be with people you don't really know. I am sure I haven't helped at all but just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.

Love Keli


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## Mummyof2

Hi Andrea, I too think you are doing the right thing as once ties are broken it is hard to mend them.  Keep at it until your son is 18 and then he can make up his own mind whether to continue or not.  I also think that 2 hours is quite a long time to stay but if it takes an hour there and back again, you probably need the rest.  How about meeting them half way on neutral ground?  Perhaps meet up and take in a film or go to McD?  Or swimming?  It would lessen the time needed to make small talk and the kids would enjoy themselves more with the pressure taken off?  Just a thought.


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## wynnster

Hi All

Andrea - I think you're totally selfless for what you're doing for DS, at the moment it most probably feels like an uphill struggle especially if ds doesn't really seem to want to go but who knows how DS will feel in the future.  Go with your gut instinct hunny, it's usually right   Thinking of you 

As for the bedtime routine, DS now LOVES his 'tory' of an evening and runs to his fave book - Bless him


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## superal

Hi

Thank you for responding to my message.....i am no good at small talk but I think for the sake of our DS and future ties I shall try my best on Sunday!!! 

I'm just feeling a bit under pressure by trying to please everyone and wish for once I could put myself first but I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling this way about this time of year.....i do love Christmas though and its going to be extra special for so many this year.

Love
Andrea
x


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## wynnster

Andrea - Best of luck for tomorrow - Let us know how it goes  

Does anyone have any words of wisdom for a 19 month old hitting    He has done it a few times in the last few days but today was his worst.  He only hits me never DH but is strange when he does it.....  He could be having his tea and smiling happy then screws up his face and wack! Or he could be having a hug then all of a sudden wollop!  I have tried telling him firmly no it hurts etc but he just does it again and again and i've tried ignoring it but not sure what else to do.... He is very affectionate normally and comes for a 'love' etc but just this hitting business... It is still very early days for him and i'm sure he just is unsure how to communicate this anger he must have for missing his fc's.  I spoke to his FC tonight and she says he has done this with her too a couple of times so maybe it is just his age and nothing to do with his recent change of carers.... The important thing though as that we need to learn to control it before he starts hitting others. 
Any advice appreciated


----------



## Old Timer

Andrea hope all goes well tomorrow, must be hard to make small talk for so long.

Wynnster, no real advise I'm afraid as our ds was a bit older when he moved in though still hit.  We just simply say 'Where are your kind hands?  Hitting isn't kind and we don't like it.'  That type of thing, also goes for kicking and when he speaks unkindly whether it be to us or other people.  Its not one of the easiest behaviours to ignore!  Good luck and I hope someone can give you more useful help.

Love
OT x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Andrea- good luck for tomorrow- i think you are doing the right thing as like others have said its hard to make ties again once broken- will be thinking of you

Wynn- no wise words- hugs

Hi to everyone else- at the mo we are the house of sick- dh has had flu since last monday, i got the aches on weds with DD and today DS has now got the temp! plus me and DS got a nice tummy bug too! we are all still really ill however hoping it goes soon! so sorry for lack of posts of late however i do read just dont have time or strength to post

xxxx


----------



## Old Timer

Andrea, hope today went well.

MJ, sorry to hear you are all poorly  Hope you are feeling better soon.

Love
OT x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Andrea- been thinking of you today

OT- i so hope so too-luckily i was super orginaised and did loads of present shopping from aug! (only cos i found bits in the sales!) and have loads wrapped up if not i would be in TROUBLE! hows you? will pm you during week hun

Hi to everyone else! 

xxxx


----------



## keemjay

wynnster..will he respond if you just say 'be gentle and stroke mummy ' and show him how to stroke your arm/hand..sort of re-directing the behaviour? similar to OT's idea of trying to turn it around rsather than focussing on the negative..does he have a dolly/ teddy you can practise being gentle with? littlie used to be quite rough with babies at that age (ie going up and saying 'hello baby'  really sweetly, then WALLOP! wanted to re work this due to imminent arrival of babybro!) i encouraged her to say 'pat pat' to babies  (dolly and real ones)and gently pat them and it worked a treat..she learned how to be more gentle..she still pats things now 

MJ - sorry your all poorly sick..bit germy here too but seem to be keeping on top of it so far cross fingers

Andrea - hope today went ok..am with the others, you are deffo doing the right thing, and DS will, in time, see that

back later for a proper catch up  

kj x


----------



## wynnster

Hi

MJ - Hope you're feeling better soon, well done starting your shopping early - I only started a week ago and don't even know what i've brought, just stuck it away in the cupboard - I'm sure i've forgotten someone - oh well i'm sure they'll understand that we have been rather busy  

Andrea - How did it go ? 

OT & KJ - He does know how to 'be gentle' and will do that with the cats etc but doesn't work when he's giving me a wack.  Today has been much much better and he hasn't hit me at all so hopefully we have turned a corner.  Sunday he threw his toy cars at me and i completely blanked him and he lost interest when there was no reaction and when he hit me i said nothing and no eye contact and moved away - he hated it!  He now pretends to fall over and waits for me to go over to give him a love so he is very clever and clearly just wanting my attention    Still me giving him a kiss and cuddle is MUCH better than me getting a wollop!

Everhopefully - Hope DD's chicken pox clears up soon hunny - What an awful time to get it, hope she gets to go to her party


----------



## superal

Hi everyone

Yesterday was fine......small talk made and I have to be honest and say it was not as bad as I was expecting.

i don't like the drive there, a lot of motorway and DD gets fed up when travelling on the motorway there is only so many eye spy things you can spot a motorway!!  

DS & DD were brilliant...............I was especailly proud of DS seeing as he didn't want to go and he was very pleasant and wasn't really that bothered, or so he tells me!!

thanks for asking!!

Andrea
x


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies

MJ, Sounds as though we had similar plans!  I started buying in August too and have now finished wrapping everyone elses presents and tonight started on DS's.  I got loads in the sales as well and on 3 for 2 offers so don't think I paid full price for anything   Hows the bugs?  Hopefully getting better.

Andrea, well done to you all!  Direct contact must be hard enough when you are feeling 'in the mood' for it let alone when you're not.  

Wynnster, hope the no hitting continues, unfortunately its one of those 'phases' most young children go through but thankfully grow out of!  Sounds as though you are doing well.

KJ, hope alls well with you and yours.

Mummyof2, how are you?

Hope everyones Ok.
Love
OT x


----------



## HHH

Superal - well done you for going through with contact. Glad it worked out - even giving you the opprtunity to have a proud mum moment.

Wynnster - my little one hits sometimes....mainly me and mainly when i am interupting his play to change a nappy or something. He does it still although less regularly..no other words of wisdom different to the other girls but be relieved in the fact that they all seem to do it!!

Have just celebrated BBB's 2nd birthday. What a proud Mummy I was! He was such a delight, we had a lovley family day with presents, swimimg and pizza. Then the following day a little friends and family do with balloons, pass the parcel and cake! Kept pinching myself, our first birthday celebration together...now can't wait for our first Christmas!!

Love to all
HHH


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi everyone, not been on computer much as come down with a bad cold/cough.  ds2 also has a cold.  Just taking it easy.

Andrea - glad it all went well  

OT - hi to you  

Sorry for no more personals but brain fuzzy at the moment.


----------



## superal

Ahh thanks ladies for making me cry!!!  especially HHH!! I did have a proud mum moment!!!

BUT thank you for taking the trouble to ask!! it means a lot!!

Andrea
x

PS HENCE the tears....a bit emotional at the momnet!!


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

Hope everyone is well and nearlly ready for christmas  

Also hope that everyone with a sick household is felling better    Felt a bit throaty today myself so hope i'm not getting something just before crimbo  

Well things have really turned a corner now with DS, he has had his moments dont get me wrong but on a whole he has been a complete star   No hitting either!!  We are so proud of him and deeply in love  

Wishing everyone a very merry christmas, especially to the kiddies  

xxxxx


----------



## cindyp

Hi All

I've been struggling to find the time to get on here since my work hours increased and DS started school (particularly manic last week as it was his birthday and DH's birthday  ).

I just wanted to pop in and wish you and your families a Merry Xmas and Happy New Year.

love
Cindy


----------



## Barbarella

Just popped on to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, especially those of you with your firsts... enjoy every single minute, as everyone says - but it is so true - it all goes so fast.

HHH... congrats on BBB's 2nd birthday but first with you... how wonderful. So many celebrations with our LO's.  Enjoy your first Christmas as a family xxx

Superal... (((( hugs )))) to you for your ordeal, glad it went well.  I agree with the others, you are acting very selflessly.  Merry Christmas to you and yours and I have PM'd you.

This is our 3rd Christmas with Bea... we've just had our 2 year anniversaries as she came home 10 days before Christmas. She is so excited and we've had a very special year. She goes to pre-school next year so we've really made the most of this year and had a ball.

Love to you all,
Merry Christmas
Carole xx


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi everyone,

hope you all have fatastic christmasses. our has just had the most amazing start.....we've just today been linked to a little boy with matching panel booked for the 22nd of jan!!!

i've got a horrible cold and cough but am feeling so much better after that news!!

xruthie


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Merry Christmas to all

Ruthie- fantastic news about your new DS! not long now

xxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Happy Christmas and a Happy and Healthy 2009 to you all.

All the presents are wrapped now and we are getting back into good health after ds and I have both had the flu that is going around.  Knocks you for six and we have been in bed for days at a time.  Luckily we got it one after the other so the other has struggled on looking after the boys.  Off to the in-laws tomorrow.

Had a phone call to say our court date will be in February.  We were told we didn't have to attend unless we wished to - I thought you had to go?  Did you all go?

Ruthie - huge congratulations to you on your match - wonderful news


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

mummyof2- We had to attend and if we couldnt we had to give a very good reason as to why we wouldnt be! i would go for sure- its lovely to get it "signed off"

xxx


----------



## superal

Wow Ruthie - can you tell us more??

22nd January, the day before my birthday!!!

Enjoy

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## Old Timer

Merry Christmas everyone.

After the excitement of court and party last week I now have the flu!  I've spent most of the last 2 days in bed but have dragged myself up now in order to try and prepare the veg for tomorrow though am waiting for my Mum to ring when she gets home to work out whether they are still coming tomorrow   At 4am I had a temperature of 39.3c, just hoping I get a better nights sleep tonight so I can get up tomorrow.  Not how I planned to spend my first family Christmas  

Great news Ruthie, can't wait to here more.

Mof2, we had to attend our court date and though it was over really quick it was special.

Will catch up again when feeling better.
Love
OT x


----------



## jilldill

Wow Ruthie, great news and so close to Christmas!!!!!
How old is he can you say just great love JD x


----------



## Mummyof2

OT - poor you getting the flu   Hope the party went well.  We have also had the flu in our house and both dh and I have been bed bound but luckily not at the same time.  Doc had to do a home visit.  Then all of us except dh had this 24 sickness and diahorrea bug that is doing the rounds.  Christmas has been a time to forget this year!  We have struggled on and ds1 said he had a great Christmas so that is a good thing.  Managed to drag ourselves out to the sales and bought some bargains.


----------



## cindyp

Wow Ruthie, great news , can't wait to here more   

OT, sorry to hear you are poorly, hope you feel better soon.

Mof2 we weren't told we would have to attend but we wanted to.

DD has had a bad cold bug over the Xmas period which first showed up during our visit to Gulivers Land last Saturday.  Unfortunately it has made her rather grumpy over the Xmas period and she is still not fully recovered. My parents came to stay Xmas Eve to Boxing Day which means that our normal lack of sleep due to kids waking up every night was compounded by us staying up late and drinking    They were a bit disappointed that they didn't get to see the kids unwrap their presents but they didn't get up until 7.30.  As the kids got up at 5 I think we did rather well getting them to hold off until 6.30  .  I cannot believe how 2 children could unwrap so many presents so quickly!!

Hope everybody else had a good time.  Have to go DH wants to get back to eating/drinking the Xmas goodies and watching some Xmas TV.

love
Cindy


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi all,

well we've now seen a photo of boo2 and are all very excited about meeting him. But there is one thing in the back of my head that i niggling at me. Boo1 has always had it in his head that his little brother would have a particular name, an unusual one. We've always told him it would be very unlikely, and even when we told him Boo2s name he said "can i call him XXX instead". anyway the other day our SW said 'you know boo1 has always said he'd like his brother to be called XXX, well we've had a couple called this come through recently, isn't that strage". So now i can't help wonder about these little ones. I'm really happy wth Boo2, and don't want to stop or slow anything. DH thinks I'm being daft, but doesn anyoen else know what i mean.....or am i just being daft?? what would you do?

xxruthie


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Ruthie, how strange that you have heard about 2 children with that name!  Perhaps it is becoming more common then.  If you are happy with Boo2 I should forget about these other children and concentrate on him.  After all what's in a name - it's the child that counts.


----------



## superal

Hi ruthie


Like mumof2 has said its just a name.........could you add this name though to boo2 name?? Just a thought?

How old is your new son.......not long to go until you meet him!

love
Andrea
x


----------



## Ruthiebabe

i'm sure you're both right.....he'll be 2 in april!

xruth


----------



## cindyp

I have to agree with the others Ruthie, although I can understand that feeling of "is this meant to be?" when you come across coincidences like the other two children having the same name.  You have to ask yourself though if there were two of them how would you have chosen between the two?  It sounds like Boo2 is a good match go for it.

love
Cindy


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi,

we're putting together Boo2's intro book and can't decide on how to do it. being a fair bit smaller than Boo1 i think we need somehtign more durable. i seem to remember someone on here finding a hardplastic book like a photo album but designed for kids. it might even have had the capacity to record your voice saying names etc....although its possible i made that bit up. Can anyone help??

thanks,
Ruth


----------



## Mummyof2

http://www.1stbabyshop.co.uk/catalogue/books-toys/1164.php

I think it was this? It is also being sold on Amazon. No voice recording bit though.

/links


----------



## Ruthiebabe

oh yes, that's the one...thank you!

xruthie


----------



## Viva

Hi all, 
After a busy and really rather wonderful Christmas for the most part, I'm trying to catch up and not much time for personnals but really wanted to say a big congrats to Ruthie, I'm sure that Boo2 will be the perfect addittion to your family!
Viva
X


----------



## wynnster

Hiya All

Ruthie -  for you being put in that position, why would your sw mention it? It was bound to make you think the way you did -  Sooo exciting for you having another Son  Do you have a rough plan on when you should meet him / bring him home? Just incase you were after the speaking book here is the link - http://www.tomy.co.uk/products/discovery-forget-me-not-photo-album/?parent=2123951

Munchkin seems like he has been here forever and has attached to us very quickly, we've had our 1st review and 2nd review has been brought forward so we can submit our papers sooner rather than later - I think SS are aware we've been put through enough and now just need to be a family. DS has almost met the whole family now and gets on great wit everyone although I've had an issue with my mum overriding what I say! If I say DS can't have something, she says he can and gives it to him!!! He fell and banged his head and DH was next to him so picked him up and comforted him but DS put his arms out to me, then my mum came over and said 'oh dear, come to nanny'  DS did as you'd expect and nuzzled into me saying 'no' and i've had to have a polite word with mum about it, hopefully that'll be the end of it...... Anyone else had that trouble when children have first come home?

Anyway, I think thats him waking so best be off 
xxxxx

/links


----------



## cindyp

Hi All

Ruthie, any more news?

God, I would kill for some sleep.  DD has had a cold and had gone back to her bad old ways of waking up every 2 hours after midnight    Last night it was 12.30, 3.20, 4 and then DS woke up at 4.50.  To think I was a woman who used to sleep in till 11 on a Sunday  .

Lack of sleep aside we have managed to get ourselves into a nice routine this year.  Routine isn't my favourite word but it is necessary to help DS.  I'm now working 25 hours only so I am at home when DS is and I hope to cut down my hours next month when my colleague returns from maternity leave.  DD has started a tap/ballet class on Saturday mornings whilst DH takes DS swimming.  So far she joins it at the beginning then clings to me for the second half.  She is the youngest there but only by a few months, I will continue with it because she did nothing but ask me when we were going again  .  On Sundays DH takes DD swimming and DS and I do some baking which has been very nice (albeit a bit fattening  ).  The playgroup Supervisor has started a weekly weigh in some of us Mums have found out how bad we've been over Xmas (5lbs for me  ).  We just pay 50p towards the playgroup and try to encourage each other into losing weight.  DH and I are making more time for ourselves, I'm contiunuing to do the pub quiz with some friends and have also joined a kickboxing class (very good for offloading stress  ).  DH has started swimming once a week and every other Saturday afternoon he meets a friend to watch the sport in the pub. 

We are hoping to have a night out together next month for my birthday as my parents/friends have agreed to have a child each for the night.  Physchologically we wanted to go away somewhere but we have decided the best thing physically is to stay at home and get some sleep.  Might be able to fit in some shopping and a meal out too.

Hope everyone is well.

love
Cindy


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Cindy, nice to hear your news and catch up.  

Ds2 starts playgroup on 2nd of Feb as he will soon be 2 years old.  We will be having a family party to celebrate his birthday.   

We should hear on 10th of Feb that ds2 is legally ours if no appeal is lodged.  That was a surprise   - learning that bp can lodge appeals at the final hearing for the adoption order since the 2002 Act.  Fingers crossed that all will go well.  

Both children have colds at the moment and ds2 wakes at midnight and again at 3am and then at 6am and then refuses to go back to sleep so I have been up since then.  The other two times during the night that he wakes I let him cry himself back to sleep as if I go in to see him it takes him longer to settle off again - it is hard though when he is sobbing and shouting mummy.  It takes me ages to settle off back to sleep myself as I always have an ear open for him crying again.

This was the first year that dh and I lost weight over Christmas due to norovirus and having the flu.  Still feeling very tired all the time so snappy with everyone at the moment -  .

One day last week I decided to call in at the Playgroup and check all was well with him starting there on 2nd Feb.  We stayed for 40 mins as woman in charge suggested ds2 stay for a while as he was there.  He seemed to thoroughly enjoy it.  There are no problems with him going on 2nd Feb and all week if required 9-11.30am @ £2.70 per session.  I said he will start off going for 3 mornings and then decide from there.

Then we went on to the mums and tots group at the school where ds1 goes. Ds2 had a good time, however, later on there a woman grabbed his wrist and told him off for taking a toy from her child and told ds2 he must share.  I went across and I told her not to tell off my child.  She said she wasn't.  I said she was and picked up ds2 and carted him off the other side of the room.  I was going to point out that she was also restraining my child without permission but decided that enough had been said before it escalated to a full scale row.  

That's all from me for now.


----------



## superal

Hi all!!

just a quick one form me!! (yeah right!!! lol)

Viva - How are you feeling?  has it finally sunk in that your family is growing and its going to get bigger!

Ruthie - love reading your updates on boo2! Not long

Well our DS has been with us for 12 years on the 22nd of this month................where has the time gone.  he was a cheeky little boy who was fast approaching his fourth birthday and here we are now.................a stroppy teenager who is leaving school this year and hoping to join the navy!!!

love & best wishes to everyone...............see not such a long post after all!!!

Andrea
x


----------



## shivster

Hi all, 

Just trying to potty train Little Bear with minor successes. He does not like to poo on the potty or the toilet. But he doesn't have many wee accidents! Sorry if this is a case of too much info! We are only on Day 2 of a long process so I feel relatively confident as yet!

Hope all are well!

Shivster and LB


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi,

andrea, matching panel in on thursday and we're meeting boo2s FPs on friday, meeitng to plan intros is on the 4th and we start intros on the 5th....people keep asking me if i'm getting excited, but i don't seem to have had time to think about it yet....been desperately trying to get 6 months work done in one month,s o its been tricky....maybe after panel it will feel more real. congrat on you DS....he sounds like a great kid.

Shivster, i remember when Boo1 was training, i couldn't see the benefit of him poo-ing in the potty.....to me it was messier than cleaning a nappy. so we went for bribery and corruption. and had one sticker for pooing in the potty, but 2 stickers for doing it on the trianign seat on the loo.....it worked in less than a week. good luck with it!

xruthie


----------



## Mummyof2

Andrea - your ds is a credit to you so well done.  I know how fast time flies by as our babies grow up  

Shivster - good luck with the potty training.   A friend recommended me waiting until ds1 was 3 before attempting it and he only ever had 3 accidents so I will be doing the same with ds2  

Ruthie - not long now until panel and you get to meet boo2


----------



## Tibbelt

Shivster - Oh I like that idea of waiting until our little ones are 3 before we start potty training!!!   I know I need to start thinking about it but I am going to be a coward and wait for warmer weather!!!! The idea of training 2 little ones at once is just too much in the cold!!! ha ha! Good idea re the stickers and the training seat though - think I'll pinch that one!

Andrea - Mummyof2 is right - your DS sounds like a real star! You should be very proud of yourself  

Mummy of 2 - wow that's such a good price for playgroup! Do you stay with DS? We're really lucky in that there's a very good surestart scheme near us and we just live within the area to qualify to use it and it's all free! The only thing I pay for is a music club we go to but that's £5 per child for an hour! I've started looking at nurseries for next year but WOW they're so expensive... not sure it's worth my going back to work! Got to decide what to do....

Ruthie - hope the time to panel goes quickly for you! Bet you can't wait to meet boo2! how exciting!  You're going to have a fab week!

CindyP - glad you managed to catch up on a bit of 'you' time! Know what you mean about lack of sleep - our 2 sleep well generally (apart from the odd night like last night.. see below!    ) but I miss my lie-ins!!!

Wynnster - great news on being able to get your papers in! We're doing ours this week - can't wait!  


 to everyone else, hope you are all ok and having a good start to the week. Our little angels (!) decided at 3 am this morning that it was time to get up and play!!! I must have put them back in their cots 4 or 5 times - Cupcake is a little houdini and can get out of her growbag and cot! she then wakes up Sweetiepie to play!! They don't wake up crying bless them - I just hear the giggling!!! It's so cute but not at 3am!!! Thankfully they're now napping! And Mondays are our lazy days so we don't have to be anywhere for once!

We've been told we can put our court app in this week - am so excited! Bit nervous though as they're pretty sure the BM is going to appeal... fingers crossed everyone has been as thorough as they need to be (I think they have) and she should get anywhere. Just so looking forward to the day we are told we are a legal family and noone can ever take our daughters away from us! I just can't imagine life without them, it feels like they have always been here.

Oh I can hear footsteps! better go and check! (and get my cuddles!! )
lol to all
S
xxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Tibbelt, lovely story about your dd's but a bit scary that they can get out of their cots   Time for a bed by the sounds of it.  Do you have a stair gate outside their door?  The playgroup is one of the cheapest ones locally but I have spoken to 2 mums I know who sent their children there and were perfectly happy with how it was run.  I made the mistake of sending ds1 to a super duper playgroup that charged a fortune and was structured to teach the children their colours and numbers etc.  Ds1 when he was 2 yrs old would not sit still and did not want to learn so kept running around.  The woman in charge kept calling me in and saying that she felt that he had ADH    He didn't - he was just too young and too active to want to sit still and learn at that age.  The playgroup I am sending ds2 to is a play only one which is fine with me  .  I don't stay with him so I am looking forward to some me time back again.  Nurseries are free from age 3 - 15 hrs a week.  Ds2 will be at playgroup 3 mornings a week from age 2-3 and then at nursery 15 hrs a week from 3-4 when he starts school.  It soon whizzes by    We put our papers into court after 10 weeks and should hear on 10 Feb if ds2 is legally ours, providing bp don't appeal.  We don't have to go to court until our "family celebratory event" within 14 days after 10 Feb.  We've not got a date for that yet.  We are not allowed to attend on 10 Feb as only birth parents can attend  .


----------



## shivster

Well day 3 of potty training! Yesterday 3 sets of wet pants but had number 2 on potty! Today is a miracle 2 sets of wet pants many wees in potty and a couple on toilet included being unceremoniously being dangled over a public toilet, but the best news no pooey pants!!!! Hooray!!!

Great idea re toilet seat and we have a lovely padded one and are doing a sticker chart *but* he can't sit still for the time it takes to number 2 so prefers potty in front of telly!!

It's all good though, I am fairly relaxed about the whole thing, and so is the little bear 

Got to run Hubbie wants computer! Breathing down my neck... literally!


----------



## Tibbelt

Shivster - sounds like little bear is doing really well with his potty training! Well done both of you!!!   

Mummyof2 - no way am I putting our two into beds yet!!!   They're such wrigglers in their sleep I'd be getting up twice as much for every time they fell out of bed!  We have cotbeds so they're nice and big - will probably turn them into beds later this year! But yep we do have a stairgate on their door so they can't get out of their room so they're nice and safe even if they're running around! They also have some books on a shelf that they can reach for when they wake up in the morning - it's so cute when they want to show us the books first thing!   Your playgroup sounds great - and much like the ones we go to, only I can't leave them. Will probably start sending ours to nursery in nov / dec this year - starting with a couple of mornings and building from there! Will be strange to have time without them!!  

Hello to everyone else - hope you're all having a good day! We've got sunshine here which is lovely! So we're off to the park!
havea good afternoon all
lots of love
S
xxx


----------



## cindyp

Well we've just converted the cotbed to a bed as DD has climbed out of the cot for the last two nights running, maybe appropriate as she is 2 1/2 today.  Going to put a stairgate on her door, I know this is just going to be fun  

Andrea, Happy Adoptiversary for tomorrow     12 years I bet it doesn't seem that long, I can't believe DS has been with us for almost 4 years.

Mof2 can so relate to the tired and snappy.  Sounds like you've got a bargain playgroup there hope he enjoys it as much as my DD enjoys hers.

Shivster, good luck with the potty training, although DD is trained DS was almost 3 before we managed to train him and it was a lot harder than DD.

Ruthie, good luck for tomorrow.

Tibbelt, you have my sympathies with the 3am playtime.  Fingers crossed for the Court.

Love to everyone else, hope you are all well.

Better go, lunches to make

Cindy


----------



## Ruthiebabe

the panel approve dour match so just need the decision maker ot ok it nxt tuesday and we'll be set to go with Boo2.

was a little annoyed with Sw though. we were invited to attend panel, but i end such a blubbering mess and find it so stressful we opted not to go. So we waited all day for SW to ring to let us know how it went, but by 5 when we'd had no word, i was getting abit worried so i phoned her. when she answered it was "oh hi ruth, how are you?" so i said fine, left a gap to see if she'd mention panel, but when she didn't iasked how it went and she said"oh yeah i was meant to ring you, it went fine".......and so i asked for more detials and she said,"oh well they aprove of the match, so do you want me to ring you when the decision maker ratifies it too?".......eh yes! am i being stupid here or does anyone else find this a bit weird. i know all this isn't as importnat to her as it is to us, but to not even phone us.....i am a bit PMT-ful, so maybe am being harder on her that i normally would....am i?

And then she said "i hope you guys haven't planned too much for the week after next"....ie intros week, so i said no of course not its when we're doing intros. and she was well yes so you'll need to be free  no sh1t sherlock, we have been through this once already.......maybe she was having a dizzy day??

anyways the news is good, so i'll wait for DH to get home and open a bottle of wine.

xxruthie


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## everhopeful

Hi all
I just had to post, cos don't know who else might understand my feelings on this one! I took DD1 to a friends party at the weekend and most of her classmates were there plus their mums and dads who we swap "hello"'s with in the playground. It was the first time I'd seen most of them outside of school and the first time most of them had seen DD2 in all her glory - actually walking around, with no coat and mittens on, and obviously not in her pushchair.
I was sat on a table with another mum, who coincidently know of our adoptions, and at this particular moment, another mum, who I've spoken to quite a bit at school, who was sat at a table just across from us, said, "ooh, they are nothing alike, are they?" With that   look on her face. I had DD2 on my knee at this point and she was looking at her and looking back at me, I felt so uncomfortable and upset by her comment. 

I don't know why I feel so upset really, because she's right, they don't look that much alike and they are not going to, are they, but for almost a year Ive had nothing but "Can't believe how alike they are" from people who both know the truth and who don;t. So for this woman to be the first to say the opposite, I felt gutted. I suddenly felt as though, she's maybe not the first to notice it, and if people wonder whether Ive had 2 babies by different fathers, or what they come up with without asking me outright.
Am I being daft? I've never felt so floored by a comment really since Ive had both our girls.



(Thinking on, I think it was the suggestion that they don't look like sisters that has upset me, because quite clearly they are)
Am I being daft?


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## Old Timer

Just a quickie....

Ruthie, congratulations!  I'd feel a bit annoyed too with SW for the way she has dealt with this.  Surely she was at panel and so would have thought to phone you straight after?  Anyway, the best bit is your match has been approved and you will soon be meeting your new addition. 

Ever, (((HUGS))) SOme people have no tact at all regardless of whether or not they know about the adoptions.  You have 2 beautiful daughters who will grow up being sisters no matter what, enjoy them and ignore silly comments, though I know they can hurt at times.  A lot of siblings don't look alike.

Love
OT x


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## Suzie

Just wanted to say  to ruthie  

Ever - big  to you. I think people say that first thing that comes into their heads sometimes.  My siblings and I look nothing alike! I have dark hair, blue eyes and larger than life shall we say  where my sister is blonde, blue eyes and skinny and my brother has brown hair and brown eyes  

xx


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## cindyp

Just a quick pop in as I'm shattered after my kickboxing class.

Brilliant news Ruthie, so pleased for you.  Can't believe your SW, what planet is she on?  

Ever, some people are just so tactless, I had to put up with it when I was a kid as I am quite dark like my Mum and my sisters are all blonde/blue eyed.  I would just blank this woman out.

Well DD didn't get out of her new bed but she did wake up in the night for 2 hours.  Praying for a better night's sleep tonight really need it.

Quick poll question here, DH and I are having our first night together alone since DD arrived.  As we are rather sleep deprived at the moment part of us feels that we should just stay at home and recharge our batteries.  We have to drive 90 miles to take DS to my Mum and Dad (DD is staying with a friend up the road) which including picking him up again the next day is 6 hours driving.  The other part of us feels we should go for our original plan of hopping through the channel tunnel for a romantic evening/booze cruise which would be 9 hours driving. What would you do?

love
Cindy


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## Mummyof2

Cindy - why not go out for a meal closer to home or have a cuddley night at home with a dvd, takeaway and a bottle of wine?  Or a trip to the cinema?  I think you will both be exhausted with all the travelling otherwise.

Ruthie -      wonderful news.  SWs are all over worked and you are just another case to them so take no notice of her lack of enthusiasm and thought.

Ever - take no notice.   They aren't related by genes so they won't look alike but they are sisters in your eyes and the eyes of the world and legally so what does it matter what people say?  ds2 doesn't look like ds1 other than being white.  One has light blue eyes and the other has dark blue eyes, one is blond and the other is light brown haired, one is very tall and one is average height.  I expect I will get similar comments in due course.  You could always say one takes after your grandparents if it bothers you, so her colouring has skipped a generation or similar.  My ds has red hair but both is parents had dark hair but his grandfather had red hair so it was true in his case.


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## Ruthiebabe

hi ever,

sorry to hear that you've been upset by what's been said. I'm sure if the woman knew they were adopted she would be mortified at saying such a tactless thing.

it something we have to prepare ourselves for too as boo2 is in the 4th percentile for height and has red hair. whereas Boo1 is the tallest in his class and has blonde hair. I'm a bit gingery so i think we can say its the irish in him to those who comment and don't know of our situation. and i think for the size difference i'm going to say that when my boys get selected to play rugby for ireland (although DH thinks they're going to play for england....  ) Boo1 will be a second rower and Boo 2 the scrumhalf. Our SW even talked to us about having such strategies in place for such comments, so maybe think of a one liner to have ready next time anyone comments??

hope you find a way to brush the feeling off.
xxruthie


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## saphy75

sorry to butt in but have you all seen this ?

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=173003.0

pam xx


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## wynnster

Hi All

Ever - I too would feel gutted by such a comment but as others have said we're preparing ourselves for such comments as Munchkin is a different colouring to both of us. I have had one comment from a woman in a charity shop of all places who took it upon herself to explain to me how ds has ended up the colour he is   I just said 'oh right' let her think what she likes.  
The woman who said the comments to you is not important, hope you can find a way of forgetting her and remembering all the nice comments you have had from people.  

Cindy - I think i'd do as MO2 suggested and stay more local but still go out for a meal, anywhere walking distance that you can stagger back home from?? Whatever you decide to do I hope you both enjoy your 'us' time.  We got to go out for a meal last night whilst my mum babysat and our topic of conversation was Munchkin, munchkin oh and munchkin   We did try to think of something else to talk about honest  

Ruthie - Congratulations!!!!   to your stupid SW!    Hope you enjoyed your celebrations with DH 

Tibbelt - Your girls just sound so scrummy!! Little Monkeys but so cute.  You just have to laugh dont you  

Shivster - Hope the potty training is continuing to go well - What a typical man to poo in front of the tv, try him with a newspaper on the toilet   

OT & MO2 - Hope you're both well and DS's too  

Andrea - You must be so proud of DS, Hope you enjoyed your celebrations    How time flies... 

Viva - Hope you're well and busy preparing for your new arrival (do you quite believe it yet??) 

Suzie & Pam - Hiya - Sent PM re the sub board - Maybe I should have waited to post my 'HELP' thread  

Lots of talk on playgroups on here, we have DS's name down for pre-school but we still have to decide when we'd like him to start, this september he will be 28 months so i'm thinking he will be too young    What age did you start yours off at?  I suppose we could start in September for 2 mornings a week (pre schools minimum) and increase it as he settles.... 

Thankyou to everyone who replied to my post on feeling depressed - Thankfully I wasn't depressed but just 'dipped' for a few days.  Things are back on track now we're better from our illnesses and able to get out and about.  Since being ill though Munchkin has become a bit of a cling on and doesn't want anyone but mummy when he's tired or hungry but suppose thats normal for any child.  Hard on DH though when all he gets is 'no more daddy' when he asks for a hug.

Hope I haven't forgotten anyone.....

Love & Hugs and Hope you're all enjoying your sunday


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## Mummyof2

Hi Wynnster - both of my boys were just over 2 when they started at playgroup - ds1 was 2 and 1 day and ds2 will be 2 and 2 days old.  Personally I think they are ready to go then as they need more stimulus than being with mummy all day and mummy needs a break    DS2 is very very clingy as well.  I had to harden my heart and leave it to dh to give him a bath and put him to bed and get him up in the mornings and give him breakfast as ds2 was all mummy and no daddy which upset both dh and I.  Since the new regime, ds2 is not quite so clingy and more loving around dh again.


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## jilldill

Hi Wynnster,
Glad to hear all is well. Sunshine will go to pre school when she is 4 next September and start school the following september when she is 5. We are very lucky that she is the oldest in the year so get extra time with her at home. I think the timing of nursery etc is a very personal decision and it depends very much on your work and financial situation for many there is no choice they have to put them into child care. It also depends on how much you do with them on a day to day basis. We go to at least 8 different groups a week plus museums parks and round to friends so for us she doesn't lack for a second in terms of socialising and stimulation. My view point would always be where possible have them with you the time is so incredibly precious and goes in a flash! 
Love JD x


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## Viva

Hi everyone, 
Well I wrote a long post on Friday and then lost it all when I tried to post it, so here goes again.

Thanks Wynster and Andrea for asking after me, yes it has finally sunk in and we are beginning to get excited, although there are still days when I wonder how I am going to juggle a baby along with everything else! WE told the children a few weeks ago now and they were really happy, they both come up to me and kiss my tummy and say "hello Baby" although I'm not so sure how happy Charlie will be if he ends up with another little Sister!

Wynster, glad to hear that you are over your dip, I think that when we long so much for our beloved children that we can be a little unforgiving to ourselves when we get that odd day when we feel it's all getting a bit much and we need a break. In terms of pre schools are plan is to start Lola after Easter for 2 mornings a week, she will be nearly 3 and then in September book a place 5 mornings a week although to be honest I may not send her every day, we both really enjoy our local toddlers group and we may keep going there. We'll play it by ear and see how much she is enjoying it.

Jilldill, sounds like you and Sunshine have a great social life, I can see why you're not in a hurry to send her to pre school, is she already socialising with children that she might go to school with? We are just beginning to think that we should start to be a little strategic with play dates and start building bonds with children that she will be mixing with in the future.

Mof2, it's hard work when they're clingy isn't it? Lola went through a stage of just wanting to be picked up all the time and then tantruming when I put her down, it was very hard to get things done and you don't tend to enjoy the cuddles as much I found. On the other hand it sounds as if your son is bonding really well with you.

Ruthie, I can't believe your SW   relaxed can be a good thing but you have to wonder when she would have got around to telling you! Not long before intro's start, do you have far to travel, I guess it's even more complicated trying to fit Boo into the process as well.

Ever, sorry to hear about the upsetting comment that was made about your daughters, some people just don't think do they? Do they have similar personality traits, interests? Could be a way of diverting the conversation.

Cindy, I hope you and DH have a great night together, I have to say at the moment the stay close to home option would get my vote, some good food, good wine and time to cuddle and talk without distractions! 

Shivster, well done with the potty training, Lola has been dry for about 5 months now but still poo's in her pants/nappy so little bear is doing amazingly as far as I'm concerns. We are planning a party the day we finally a get a poo from Lola in the toilet/potty!

Tibbelt, your girls sound fantastic, despite the play sessions at 3am. Are they very different in temperment? 
Although having 2 placed together is a lot of hard work, I think they bond they have can make the transition easier and this must be the case even moreso with your two.

Andrea, congratulations on your 12 year anniversary, it's so reassuring for me to hear what a wonderful young man he's growing up to be, despite what you can be told, I think most of us worry that children adopted at an older age will struggle more as they grow up but your DS seems to be such a credit to you and your DH, I am hopeful that my Charlie will grow up to be as mature and together.

Hi to OT, Saphy and Suzie, great idea about the new board!

One last thing from me, I have been wondering quite a lot recently about how to handle the inevitable birth questions as my pregnancy becomes noticible at the school gates (my big coat won't hide it forever!). I am normally very open about the children being adopted, for example the mums at my toddler group know, but the group is very small, welcoming and warm and the other mums are very open about the challenges of parenting, it feels like a safe place if you know what I mean. However, I haven't really struck up any friendships with the Mum's at Charlies school beyound very superficial chitchat and I also didn't want Charlie being defined as being adopted. I'm now anticipating that when the school mums realise that I am pregnant I'll get lots of well meaning enquiries about my previous (non existant  ) pregnancies and births! I'm useless at lying and by nature am an honest and open person, but at the same time don't know whether it's fair to Charlie to be announcing that he and Lola are adopted in this way....basically any thoughts on this would be very much appreciated. 

Hope you've all had a good weekend.

Love
Viva
X


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies

Viva, good to hear all is going well and the children are happy with the news.  Do you have details of Charlie and Lolas births?  EG number of hours labour, any intervention?  You could just use this info a bit and then you wouldn't really be lying or just make it up, say both were very different so you're just going to take it as it comes.  I don't think there is a need to disclose that C & L are adopted to these people, its none of their business though no doubt some of them would find it worth gossiping about for a while.

Wynnster, DS started going to nursery at 2 1/2 just 1 session a week and now goes for 2 sessions.  Personnally I think it is invaluable to him, he is mixing with so many children and some of them could be school chums in years to come.  We do a lot of different things, I can't fit in any more nursery/playgroup sessions as I don't want to stop the other things we do but it has helped build his confidence and his security with us.  He wouldn't say Boo when he came to us and we have worked really hard to build his confidence, now you wouldn't think it was the same child.  I am also going back to work part time in June so he would have to go then anyway and I didn't want him to suddenly have to do 20 or so hours without building it up slowly.

Cindy, I too would stay close to home but I hope you have a nice, relaxing, romantic evening!

Shivster, well done on the potty training.  I've been putting it off but am going to do it during Feb half term.  DS already goes to wee on the toilet every time I change him and has been doing poos on the loo for the last 7 months so we are some way there.

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all well.

Not much from me, DS has been testing the boundaries since the Christmas holidays but he is getting back to normal now.  He started out being clingy with me and then it moved on to just being a Mummy's Boy but lately he wants me to do everything for him and its a real struggle getting him to let DH change him or put him to bed.  I wonder whether me having the flu worried him more than it showed at the time.....

Love
OT x


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## ritzi

hello all - may i join you?  

Dizzy and Scoop have now been home for 6 whole days and it feels like they have always been here. Its wierd but i can't imagine life without them   

they are both so funny, adorable, beautiful, strong-willed (  ) little boys - we took them to church for the first time this morning and i felt so emotional pushing the pram in   it suddenly hit home how long we have waited for them  

of course it is not always plain sailing - we have had disappointments too. none of our families have bothered to send a congrats or similar card to welcome the boys   and tbh we were surprised by that given how many times we have rushed out to buy a card and gifts to welcome in our countless neices and nephews   

dizzy is in serious need of potty training (he's 3.5 and SW advised when they found us in october to delay training till he moved   ) so we now have to get that done. his nappy is dry all morning usually - soaking after nap - dry till bathtime and soaking in the morning......so we guess he basically wees while he sleeps. he runs around each evening in the nuddy and has never wee'd anywhere so we're gonna bit the bullet and think about it next week. does that sound too soon? 

i'm so excited to be on the parents board   and look forward to getting to know you all much better 

ritz


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## Old Timer

Welcome Ritzi

So good to see you here 

The boys sound delightful and your post sounds full of happiness, its lovely to read.  Sorry you have had some less than thoughtful moments from your families, the only ones we had expected more from was my BIL who has also adopted and we made a real effort to get to know the children and spend time with them, BIL and his wife have met ds 2x in 7 months and never spoken to him, say met more like been in the same room even though both occassions were centred around DS.  Hope they make more of an effort in the coming weeks, maybe they are just waiting to meet the boys and will bring things then??

Dizzy sounds as though he could lose the nappy other than for sleep times.  Maybe just try it without making a big thing of it and see how he goes.

Love
OT x


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## ♥ M J ♥

Viva said:


> One last thing from me, I have been wondering quite a lot recently about how to handle the inevitable birth questions as my pregnancy becomes noticible at the school gates (my big coat won't hide it forever!). I am normally very open about the children being adopted, for example the mums at my toddler group know, but the group is very small, welcoming and warm and the other mums are very open about the challenges of parenting, it feels like a safe place if you know what I mean. However, I haven't really struck up any friendships with the Mum's at Charlies school beyound very superficial chitchat and I also didn't want Charlie being defined as being adopted. I'm now anticipating that when the school mums realise that I am pregnant I'll get lots of well meaning enquiries about my previous (non existant ) pregnancies and births! I'm useless at lying and by nature am an honest and open person, but at the same time don't know whether it's fair to Charlie to be announcing that he and Lola are adopted in this way....basically any thoughts on this would be very much appreciated.


Hi Viva

When people ask me about the children, birth weight ect i tell them, i know when, where and type of birth so if questioned i would answer with those answers without making a big thing saying "however it wasnt my preg, labour or birth"

I am a very open person about me however my children i protect as i want them known as the 2 and 3 yr old they are! i like you know a few mums to say hi to (i sometimes walk home with one who lives nr me) however wouldnt tell her or any of them unless we became good friends and i could trust them however then again its our childrens "info" to tell when they want to!

This is only my opinion and no aimed to upset anyone

xxx


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## saphy75

only got a few mins as ds is eating his toast but just wanted to say i agree 100 % with MJ and couldn't of put it better myself   no one at play school knows ds is adopted as i don't want him to be known as the adopted boy and when he is older it's up to him if he tells his friends

pam xx


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## Ruthiebabe

hi,

i guess it about what your comfortable with but we go for a totally open approach. especially as Boo2 is going to turn up at the school gates with me soon. for me i'd rather people were gossipping using the proper facts rather than what they have concluded themselves. of course noone knows why they needed to be adopted but just that they are.

xruthie


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## Old Timer

I guess how we do things may change when a 2nd child, or 3rd MJ, comes along suddenly appearing from no where !

For the time being though I am going along the same lines as MJ and Saphy as I don't want DS labelled before he is given a chance.  There are still a lot of people out there who think adopted children are big problems and wouldn't want their children playing with them.......

OT x


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## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ladies

like i say this is how we deal with it- i have been totally open with friends i havent seen for year who i know wont look at my children any differantly HOWEVER should we have number 3 then we will cross that bridge when we come to it (DH did jest i should wear "big" clothes and then turn up with a "baby"  ) - i dont know anyone from the school before 
we had the children and live in a big enough place that its not a problem however if we lived in a small area/village and knew alot of people then we would make it known so that Facts were known and not just 2+2=5!

we all deal with this differantly

hugs

Mez
x


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## Mummyof2

At the school that ds1 goes to I had to tell everyone that we were going down the adoption path so they knew where ds2 came from when I turned up with him at the start of the new term, after the summer holidays   I know a lot of people in this area who are mums, from having ds1 and attending playgroup, nursery then school with him.  Lots of these people know that ds2 is adopted so it is not a secret round here but it will be nice not to have to explain myself to anyone.  When you say that your child is adopted, in my experience, the person you have told seems to think that it is an opening for them to tell you all about someone they knew who was adopted (usually with an unhappy outcome) or they then proceed to ask you all sorts of personal questions about your child ie do you know where he comes from, why was he adopted etc etc, all of which I field off as it is none of their business.  I won't be telling anyone at playgroup that ds2 is adopted as I don't want him treated any differently to the other little ones there and it will be nice for him (and me) to be just another child there.

Ds2 will be 2 years old on Friday so we are planning a family party. Grandad has made a wooden rocking horse   We used to have family parties for ds1 but when he got to age 5 he wanted a friend's only party and it has been like that since then.


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## Viva

Morning everyone, 
Thanks for all your replies, to be honest I'm still not quite sure what route I'm going to take with it all, I don't have any info on Charlies birth, but I do have a bit on Lola's I think they were both pretty straight forward. I have had similar experiences as you have Mof2 when telling people that we have adopted, I have just gone back to work at the hospital where I worked years ago and am working with lots of old collegues, I have chosen to be honest about our route to parenthood with them and they have all been postive but there are alot of questions to field, I tend to go into ambassador for adoption mode and talk in general terms about things making sure I don't add any details that are specific to our two. I guess I feel so positively about adoption that I want to educate people about it but at the same time protect our 2 by ensuring that no one knows their story. 

I think that as I'm typing this I'm realising that I'll probably just answer questions honestly but in a way that doesn't invite too much discussion, I think I'm fortunate as Charlie will have been in school for nearly a year by then and will have had time to build his own identity. Our approach at home has always been to be honest and matter of fact about their adoption and Charlie does just seem to accept it. In fact just the other day in Sunday school at church a friends child who's the same age as him made a comment about us not really being his parents, another friend of mine was there as she was 'teaching' that week and she said Charlie just looked at the girl as if she was mad and said 'yes they are' no behavioural issues of change in him afterwards, it was business as usual, DH and I felt very pround of how he handled it so maturely! Charlie is a very resiliant little boy with a strong will and personality and we are hopeful that as he grows up he will be able to cope with the inevitable comments, however, we don't want to make him being adopted a really big issue!

Ho humm there are no right and wrong answers are there and I guess we'll all get it wrong from time to time!

Mof2, sounds like you'll have a lovely day on Friday, are you excited? A wooden rocking horse, your DS2 is a very lucky little boy, Lola would love one of those!

Quick bit of lunch for us now and then Lola has her speech and language assessment which we have been waiting for for a while, then pick up Charlie and take him to swimming, dash home, dinner and to work from 6pm-2am so all go here today!

Viva
X


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## Mummyof2

Hi Viva, sounds like you are busy as usual    I am looking forward to the party but it will be the first time in quite a few years that both sides of the family have come together so I just hope that everyone gets on ok    I am also hoping that no-one makes any "adoption" blunders.  Dh's nan who is 86 keeps saying that ds2 is a very lucky boy to get adopted by us which is lovely but I feel we are the lucky ones to have been chosen for him so I wish she would stop saying it


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## dawny36

Hi,

I tell people that our little one is adopted because generally I get asked where does she get her gorgeous hair from? mine is dark, straight and long and hers is blonde and very very curly she gets lots of attention wherever we go so for me I just find it easier to say she is adopted, I dont give any details and generally on the whole people respect I feel so proud of her and actually feel proud when I tell people, most mums at the mums and tots know she is and I have a friend who takes her little boy who is also adopted and she uses the same approach and he does look like his mum.

Our little girl is two and already knows the word 'adoption' although obviously doesnt understand any more, but I am trying to 'drip feed' her about adoption so hopefully she will never remember been told she was if you know what I mean.

When she is older it will be her decision wether she 'tells' or doesnt, but I am hopeing she wont have an issue with it, I can honestly say that I dont feel she has been labelled at all at the groups where we attend and certainly isnt treated any different because she is so adorable looking she gets too much attention anyway in my opinion 

I think it is good that we all have different view points on this subject and a good discussion topic

Dawny
x


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## Ruthiebabe

oh boy...great excitement here....the cotbed has arrived....first time we've had a cot in the house cos boo1 was in a bed already! very exciting!

just have to wait for DH to come home before we put it together as i dislicated the tip on my finger on sudnay so am a bit more ham-fisted than normal!


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## Old Timer

How exciting Ruthie!!!!!!!  Have fun! I hope we will have one of those next time round 

Hope your finger is better soon, sounds painful!

OT x


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## Mummyof2

Ruthie - exciting times


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## cindyp

Hi Ladies

Ritzi, it sounds like you are having a wonderful time with your boys  .  Good luck with the potty training, I agree with OT and reckon you should just go for daytime first, I'm sure you will do a great job.  Shame about the family but maybe there are waiting until they see the boys.

Mof2, hope you have a nice time tomorrow.  Do I take it from your   that you are not certain about Grandad's woodworking skills?

Viva, how are you coping physically?  I find two children the age of ours to be tiring enough sometimes without being pg.  

Ruthie, I think it always feels like you have a proper little one in the house when you have a cot.  Unfortunately we have had to turn DD's cotbed into a bed this week because she was climbing out of the cot.  I hadn't planned to do it until the summer but she had other plans  

We are reasonably open about the adoption of our kids.  Living in a small village it was fairly obvious to some people that we have adopted.  The subject only comes up occasionally, for example if somebody asks how painful my birth was.  I'm more than happy to pretend that they are my birth children because that gives me a brilliant excuse for my "post pg" tummy shape   

Thanks for your replies on my little poll.  We were going to stay at home but our babysitters have kindly offered a second night so we will be going to Boulogne.  It is a place with nice memories for us as we have spent a few romantic weekends there.  It is hard to believe now but the last time we were there we were trying to decide between DD's form and another girl's.

Hope everyone is well.

love
Cindy


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## Mummyof2

Hi Cindy, sounds like you will have a lovely break in France.  As Grandad used to work for BT as a phone engineer you are right - I'm not sure about his woodworking skills at all    Also we have 2 rocking horses already - one plastic outside one and one plush inside one that neighs


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## naoise

Hi girls, what a week I have had, took C to the doctors on Monday as she had a lump on her neck right on her throat were a man would have an adams apple, she had had it for a week and she was on antibotics for it. The doctor examined her and said she would have to go to hospital, this when I started to panic but held it in, had to get an emergency babysitter for T and N. Got to the hospital they said she needed a scan, we waited for 3 hours and then they sent us home and come back in the morning and fast C from 8am she would need an op. We arrived at the hospital and the nurse gave her the magic cream and she was fine about it. So she got her scan and the surgeon said she would need to have the lump removed making an incision in her throat. I had to fight back the tears but C was soo good she never complained the whole day she was an angel. So after we arrived at the hospital 10 hours later she went to theatre she literally skipped down to the theatre the nurses thought she hilarious. So dh took her in to get the gas I couldn't do it I broke down when she was out of sight. In the recovery room we walked in and she looked so tiny in the bed and she was drowsy and still happy and not complaining about anything. She stayed overnight and came home at 11am. And I have been spoiling her ever since. We have to go in the morning to get her dressing changed, I am dreading it as it looks soo sore and she wont let anyone near it. But she has been a real star and couldn't have been better, if it had of been N she would have been screeching the hospital down.

Well I thought I would let you all know about my eventful week I hope you are all well.


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

K- wow what a week you have had- what a brave little girl you have- please keep us updated- love and hugs
Mez
x


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## Old Timer

K - must have been scary for you all but isn't it amazing how some children just get on with things like this?!  Bless her, she deserves being spoilt after being such a brave girl.  Hope all is well and it isn't anything nasty.

love
OT x


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## Mummyof2

Poor little love.  Hope she makes a speedy recovery.  What do they think the lump is?


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## ritzi

naoise - hoping your dd perks up soon   kids bounce back so quick  

potty training nightmare   ds1 went into pants today. he was fine about the idea - sits on potty every hour or so.......went till lunchtime with no weeing - stood up after lunch and peed everywhere. ds was completely shocked about it as if he didn't know what was happening. i sat him on the potty and showed him his wee and said that's what it was etc........

throughout the day i sat him regularly on the potty - but he peed another 4 times in his pants. thankfully they are waterproof pants and mostly hold the wee   no wee on the potty today - or a poo at all (he normally goes x2)

any advice ladies? i think i'll try again tomorrow with the same sitting every hour - but i can't tell whether he even understands what i am asking him to do - and i'm concerned he hasn't poo'd  

ritz


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## cindyp

Naoise, how scary for you all, hope you are not too exhausted after such an eventful time.  Wishing her a speedy recovery.  

I wouldn't worry too much Ritzi, this is fairly normal.  Although they understand they will forget some times and boys tend to be worse than girls.  It took my DS 2 weeks before he stopped alternating using the potty with using the carpet.  DD is trained yet even she forgets sometimes, she weed in her high chair tonight.  

Cindy


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## Old Timer

Ritzi

We are tackling potty training mid Feb, half term week when DS won't be at Playgroup, though we did put him in pants for an afternoon a while back and he just thought it was funny to wee everywhere though he did manage some in the potty as well.  I woke up the next day with a head cold and thought better of pants so have left it for a bit.

If he is able to hold his wee for an hour thats really good I think but it is also normal for them to have accidents even after many months (just not as many).  When we start again I am going to put those learn and feel pull up things on him for a day or 2 so he can get used to pulling up and down pants to use the potty/toilet but also so he can get the idea of what its like to feel wet if he does wee in them.  The nappies nowadays are so good at locking the wet away whereas we had to put up with wet bums and nappy rash.

Would it be worth getting him to sit on the potty more often?  Are you using any 'rewards' for weeing on the potty?  I've drawn up a sticker chart, DS loves stickers but mainly for my use to record the times and see if there is a pattern, but have also got loads of smarties left from Christmas that will come in handy I'm sure!  Wee on the potty for a Smartie will go down well with my DS as he doesn't get many sweets, then I'll move it on to a whole day with no accidents and then a whole week so lessening the amount of times he gets something until he just does it as a matter of course.

As for the poo, can't remember whether he was doing them in his nappy or not?  This is meant to be the hardest part and the scariest for many children.  As long as he is eating plenty of fruit & veg and drinking enough he will go eventually, may be that he does it when you put a nappy on him for bed.  If he doesn't go for a few days though you may want to speak to GP/HV?  Not sure how long they say to let them not poo for before looking into it.

Good luck, I'm sure it will get easier as the days go on.

Love
OT x


----------



## ritzi

thanks guys - i've given up already   

got up this morning and dh was with the boys - ds was point blank refusing to sit on the potty and i thought 'sod it' - this is not worth the hassle   he's not ready and this early into placement its not something i can argue with him about  

so i asked ds if he wanted the potty or nappy and he just looked at me - so i put a nappy on him  

however - i will be putting him into washables and start trying to explain the difference between wet and dry etc - i think he may feel more in washables. ds2 has transferred to washables with no probs  

cindy - sorry to hear about the highchair   
OT - thanks for the great advice - i think i will give it another go in half-term......we promised him m&m's (he never has chocolate), went together to the shop to buy them he and was really excited at the prospect - but just couldn't produce a wee on demand.....
he does normally poo in his nappy before nap - he hasn't today though - but hopefully will go later. he is a prolific fruit eater so i added prunes to his lunch and he ate them all   

gawd this is so hard - i wanted him dry to go to nursery   (they won't change him so i'll have to take ds2 with me if he needs a change and its a car-ride away   ) 

thanks all   ritz


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## superal

Hi rtzi - I can not believe that nursery are refusing to change your DS! Is it nursery or preschool?? What have they given the reasons for not being able to change him??

The are discriminating against your child by not allowing him to attend until he is dry...........not a very inclusive practise!!

It is may be a bit to early into placement to worryabout potty training but I undesrtand why if your trying to gt him dry before attending nursery.....don't be so hard on yourself...........your doing a great job of being a Mummy.......its not easy but its a job we all love..parenting!!!
love
Andrea
x


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## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ritzi- please dont feel bad about potty training.

Superal- my DS is starting pre-school nursery in june before he is 3 and i have been told he has to be dry as they wont change him! i know when my DD 1st started there she came home a few times wet due to accidents and they hadnt noticed them- i know its hard to see as she was in summer dresses and i only knew when i changed her- she had a fear of wee'ing at school however is now being very good at doing a "job" for mummy by having a wee at nursery as she goes full time in june!

Hi to everyone else

xxx


----------



## superal

Hi MJ

As you may or may not know I work at a preschool and we do accept children who are not dry yet........we just ask that potty training has started and they attend in pull -ups...children can start as young as 2½ and its to much to ask that they be fully dried by that age.

We would not be allowed to run our preschool if we didn't accept these children as it would be discriminating against their needs and then it makes our preschool an unfair one and not an inclusive, inclusive meaning that you accept children/families for who and what they are.......this includes children who are not dry yet!

A lot of preschools do operate this system of your child has to be dry before they attend and I wonder how they can operate this way BUT they must have a policy that says that children must be dry and I would ask to see it........if it is not included in their policy then I would question it. I would also ask if its OK that your child attends in pull ups which you would be willing to put spare pull ups in a bag if they needed a new one putting on.

They may say its because they have no room to change them, or they do not have the staff to keep changing them.

Either way its makes my blood boil that they will not accept children until they are fully dry....most of our wonderful 2½ yrs old are not fully dried BUT they are with us for 2½ hrs which is nothing & we would not send a child home if their pull -u o was soaking and certainly not if it was soiled.

SORRY RANT over!!! 
Love
Andrea
x


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## Old Timer

Hi

One of the playgroups we looked at said DS had to be dry before attending but he goes to nursery in a nappy and playgroup and both of them have said they will change him if needed.  He only goes to 3 hour sessions though so his nappy is fine until we get home and then I change him, he only poos on the loo and normally does that straight after brekkie so it hasn't been a problem.  

Ritzi, don't worry about the potty training, you gave it a go but he isn't ready so at least you know.  How long would he be staying at nursery for?  If its just one session would a nappy/pull up not be OK to last that time?  He may also be drinking less at nursery so a nappy could last longer than at home...especially if he is usually dry most of the day anyway.

Love
OT x


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## dawny36

Hiya,

Can I just ask OT what are learn and feel pull ups? my little girl is 2 and 3months and I  havent commenced potty training I keep chickening out and then we keep getting these cold spells and thought it would be too difficult with tights on etc.

I have bought all the equipment required as I like shopping  two potties, portable potty, big girl pants and a sticker chart and potty training in one week by someone or other.

I am not sure if she is ready or not but feel I should at least give it a go, she currently wears pampers pull ups and rarely tells me when she is having a wee wee despite her vocabularly been incredible for her age, she has started telling me she is wet when she has had a poo and I think has started disliking being dirty, she understands that a potty is where you have a wee wee.

Anyway am grateful for any advice cos the whole potty training thing freaks me out but my dh keeps saying you never see a child at school in a nappy so it must happen at some point 


Dawny


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ladies

Superal- i knew you worked with little ones in a school- thanks for the info- its not so much the teacher who is putting on the pressure about being dry- i take DS to a pre-nursery session once a week and they have sure start staff there and its them who go on about it, i was talking to another mum at a party the other week and her DS went to another pre-school when he 1st turned 3 and cos he wasnt 100% dry they sent round some staff from Sure start to help her with her "issue" however never told her they had arranged for this and she didnt have an "issue" 

I personally think that they (teachers ect) have to try and push for little ones to be dry however if my DS isnt then they either take him in pull ups (skinny mini ones at that!) or he starts later on (after he is 3 and dry!) , i am lucky in that he will "wee on demand" however i dont have time to spend all day at home to "train him" as even in half term DD goes to swim lessons ect!

Oh the joys!

xxxx


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## Viva

Hi Everyone, 
Just to add my little bit about the whole pre-school potty training stuff, the pre-school I am planning to send Lola to is absolutely happy to take children at whatever stage they are at, I plan to pack a little bag for her with spare clothes in, she's dry most of the time but we still get the odd accident and even ofter nearly 5 months now she just can't deal with pooing in the toilet or potty, so it's either in the nappy at nap time or in her pants. 

This is the first term that (so far) Charlie has not had any accidents at school and accidents are not uncommon in children who are as old as 5-6, my friends 5 year old girl is still having accidents. You can hardly keep a child home from school can you? I think the key thing to remember about potty training is that children need to be developmentally ready, physically, emotionaly and intellectually (probably not the right term but I can't think of another one) and if they're not ready then you'l be at it for weeks and have an awful lot of washing. Some good physical signs are: being dry for periods of time, being dry when you get them up from a nap, not liking to be in a wet/dirty nappy, stopping what they are doing for a moment because they are having a wee/poo, an ability to climb the stairs using alternating feet. Intellectually readiness, look for an ability to follow instructions, concentrate on a task for 10 minutes or so. If it's not coming easily (I.E. at least a couple of successes in the first couple of days) I would give it 3 months and try again, the first time I tried with Lola we had 6 wee's in just over an hour and I decided that she didn't have the bladder readiness, 3 months later we had success. 
Ritzi I think that you are doint completetly the right thing in not pushing yourself and your DS, he will get there in the end, just enjoy this time that you enjoy the time that you have with him aat the moment.


Viva
X


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## Old Timer

Dawny

I got the feel and learn pull ups from Sainsburys, I think they are Pampers and for girls have princesses on that either get darker or lighter with a wee, can't remember which way round....the boys aren't so nice, spiderman and the hulk!

Sounds like the book is by Gina Ford  Its interesting reading and does list the stages and what signs to look out for like Viva has listed.

OT x


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## Mummyof2

Hi Ritzi, I didn't potty train my son until he was 3 and he only had 3 accidents (wees).  My friend recommended to me leaving ds1 until he was 3 as she found she had no problems with her son at this age.  My friend started potty training her son at aged 2 and he was still having accidents until he was almost 3    With her next son she waited until he was 3 and only had a handful of accidents.  So I will be waiting until ds2 is 3 before I begin potty training.  I know nappies are expensive but personally I feel that too much pressure is put on us parents to potty train at aged 2.  If you want to potty train early that's fine but if you wait until age 3 that is also fine  

Superal - the playgroup ds1 used to go to refused to change their nappies and would ring and ask you to collect your child if they pooed in their nappy.  This playgroup I am taking ds2 to will change nappies and ask that you bring a spare nappy and change of clothes in every day for them in their little bags.

Ds2 had a lovely family birthday party yesterday.  We had 15 people in our house and the children were in their element, spoiled rotten by relatives.  He starts at playgroup tomorrow so fingers crossed he will settle there happily.  We go to lots of mums and tots groups together but he hasn't been left any where before and I feel it is important to get them used to being left before they start at nursery age 3 - less traumatic all round.  Well that's the plan any way    I'm going to get his playgroup bag sorted shortly - he has a nice Thomas the Tank Engine one he got for his birthday.

I just finished the contented toddler book by Gina Ford.  I must say that I found her way of thinking old-fashioned, unrealistic or plain silly    Won't be reading any more of her books!

Bye for now


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## superal

Wow - I can not believe so many places will not accept children who are not dry..................its not inclusive practice not to do so.......SORRY but thats what I was taught through out my DPP for the job I am now doing.

Our older children also have accidents and we just ask for a bag of clothes to be sent with them so we can change them. we don't make a fuss about it and if they do get upset we explain that accidents do happen and they have done the right thing by telling us that they have done an accident.........so we focus on the positive....that being that they have told us and not the negative..........that being they have an accident.

Most have accidents when playing with the water in the water tray & i have to admit on more than one occasion I have felt the urge to go..........& I am 42!!!! 

Love
Andrea
x


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## naoise

HI girls

Thanks for the kind words C is back to school this morning and her lump is healed really well, you would hardly know anything had happened to her,the doctors say that it was  some kind of abscess, and there is a chance that it will come back, but I'm trying not to think about that.

I potty trained T when she was almost three, I just bought the seat for the toilet and no potty, first day we had no accidents and I thought wow this is easy, then the next day she had four in a row. Luckily she took to it like a duck to water after that and no real problems but I think that girls can be a bit easier to train than boys. 

Mummyof 2 I hope that your little boy has a lovely day at nursery and there isn't any tears from you I mean 

Viva hope you are well and the pregnancy is going good halfway there not long to go 

Ritzi don't worry about him not being dry yet, he will be ready in his own time, you are doing a great job, it's not easy when you are under pressure from nursery to have him dry it's a disgrace that the nursery won't change him.

Dawny I tell people too that my girls are adopted two of them do look like me but N is brown skinned and blonde she doesn't really fit in to the irish fair skinned category, I did think that I was explaining the adoption thing really well until N said to me but sure Mum you are adopted, and I said no honey I'm not, she said but you became our family name so Dad adopted you! I had to hold back my laughter she thought because I married dh that he had adopted me  

On Saturday N blew on us being really mean, we had taken them to the cinema as a treat and it had all been lovely, then as soon as we got home N did something to dh just to deliberately hurt his feelings for no reason at all, so I tried the being gentle about it trying to get her to explain her feelings no luck she said she didn't want to live with us anymore and she was ready to pack her bags, well talk about feeling like you had just been kicked in the stomach we do so much for the girls and N just seems to like to throw it back in our faces. So I explained that children don't get to choose where they live and that we were sorry she was unhappy but she was staying where she was. So she came up to the family room and she did seem relieved to be staying, so I think she was just testing us to see what we would do. This childcare business is a minefield and I don't think that there is any right or wrong answers but it just seems we are banging our heads against a brick wall with N, she is one angry little girl

Anyway she was fine yesterday and I guess we just have to take the rough with the smooth and develop a thicker skin as I think we will always be fighting a losing battle.

Love K


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## Mummyof2

Hi Naoise, it's great to hear that C is back at school and her scar is healing really well.  Sorry to hear about N.  Sounds like you are right and she is testing to make sure she will always be with you and dh.  Do you think she needs counselling about her issues?  I think you are behaving perfectly with her and, as you say, perhaps in time she will lose her anger.    to you as, as you said, parenting is a tricky business    No tears from me when I took ds2 to playgroup.  I am relishing having a few hours of freedom  

I dropped ds2 off at playgroup this morning telling him he was going to school to play.  He was delighted and ran off towards a helper, who took his coat off.  Then he went and grabbed a car and had an argument with another little boy over a doll's buggy.  They had a little fight and ds2 ended up with a cut lip!  He didn't cry or seem bothered though.  I only noticed when he came over to kiss me goodbye.  It's these sorts of things that need to be learnt - how to get along with people or not as the case may be    The playgroup leader said she would ring if there were any problems but it's been an hour now and no phone call so all must be well.  It is lovely to have some me time again.  Heavy snow here so I wasn't sure that ds1's school would be open or the playgroup but both are.


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## keemjay

hi all 
i am so rubbish at keep up to date on here..i manage to read and post answers to things quickly on other adoption threads but never seem to have a proper time to post 

naoise -have you sought help form the post adoption services, it sounds like you may need a little professional input to help you along..my friend had an appt with an attachment 'panel' (of experts) and was sooooo glad she did, it was a seemingly fairly minor issue with her 15 month old who shrieked alot for no apparent reason (ear pirecing type) and head shook also..they had a really long chat with the panel and talked through a lot of issues they'd had and through talking found they then saw things from a  different angle...they tried a different way of dealing with him and found all sorts of things improved...

ritzi - i think the otehrs have nailed it already but sounds like its too early for the potty training..esp this early into placement..i dont think you will regret putting it back..try not to think 'he's 3 and should be done by now as everyone else is' he will do it when its his time...littlie will be 3 in march and has just potty trained last month, quite quickly and is already pretty reliable..for what its worth, choc buttons worked for us, and a gold coin for poos! today is thw first day I've put no nappy on her for her nap  she's been dry every day, just hope this isnt the one day she regresses 
hows things going generally?
interesting this debate of whether nureseries chnage nappies..is it a difference between and state and private nurseries?

mummyof 2 - glad ds2 had a happy morning 

ruthie - so pleased to hear of your match..ooh excitement with the cotbed..theres nothing like a cot to make it feel real 

viva..hope alls going well with bubs..i think of you often when people say 'ooh i bet you get preg now that you've got your family'  surprising how much its said 

we're off to court next week for babybro..finally..once again its had its ups and downs getting there..first hearing was deferred and then on the new date, when our sw was certain all would be fine, the clerk came out and asked if the adoptive family and the LA  had their solicitors there!! the sw nearly fell off her chair..wondering what on earth we needed those for..turned out was a different judge and she's misread the reason for the deferral!!
i cant believe we're so near the finalpost now, we've had sw's in our lives for soooo long now..am much more excited about court this time..we're planning a party for the following weekend

we've had masses of snow here, knee deep, been great fun..hope everyone else has had fun 

right, the nappers are awake...gonna go and feel the mattress!!

love to all

kj x


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## naoise

Hi girls just thought I would give you an update on N, she came home from school yesterday and had written me a note "Hi MUM I love you From N. My heart melted as N doesn't really say she loves me that often, then she said "Mum when are we getting adopted it' taking for ages" so I think she loves us again, I think that on Saturday she had talked herself into a corner and didn't know how to get so she kept on saying hurtful things she is very headstrong and always thinks she is right. 

T goes to a fantastic education board run nursery and they don't start until they are coming up to their fourth birthday. But they have to bring an emergency change of clothes just in case and the teacher changes them if needed, although T had an accident in her first week and insisted she could change herself and managed very well.

HI to everyone hope you are enjoying the snow or is it starting to get annoying?

Love K N C and T as they are off school today because of the snow.


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## Ruthiebabe

Hi,

good to hear naoise is feeling better. maybe you could frame the note for yourself should she have a bad day again??

snow is very annoying, but i usually love it! its mean that we've had to put back starting intros with Boo2 till next week (t was supposed to start today!)! but having said that we are all full of colds so maybe we'll be feeling stronger/healtheir by then anyway!

better get back to it, snowmen to build,
xxruthie


----------



## wynnster

Hi All 

A lovely peaceful house here today... DH has taken DS out for a few hours and it is bliss to get time to myself  

Naoise - Oh how lovely, A note to keep forever more. 

KJ - All the best for Tuesday, our time has changed now to the afternoon - hope yours hasn't    Keep me informed hunny  

Ritzi - Hows it all going? Hectic i'd imagine, but loving every minute   When does dh go back to work?

Mo2 - Great to hear ds2 is enjoying his playgroup, certainly finding his feet  

Interesting talk of potty training and nursery, DS is down to start in September and I was hoping to leave off potty training him.  I hadn't even thought of asking about if they'd change him just assumed they would    Oh well no point worrying about it now. 

I've been feeling much better for a few days although still seem to have some sort of sickness feeling lingering.... DS has gone back to being a little angel and has had me in stitches this morning, dh had to get the video camera out as munchkin was being so cute  

Enjoy the rest of your weekends


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## Mummyof2

Hi everyone, more snow falling as I type.  Dh has taken the boys off shopping so I am having some me time -    Ds2 is getting on great at playgroup.  He has been 3 times now and only cried once when I left.  He didn't want to come home on Friday as he was sitting in one of those pedal plastic cars.  Playgroup leader says he is marvellous for his age - very forward.  His tower building skills are amazing to see - he can build a steady, straight brick tower up to 7 bricks high    His speech is coming on at about 2 new words a day    He is finally beginning to learn that no means no as well    It is lovely to have some me time when he is at playgroup except I keep panicking that I have left him and the buggy somewhere before remembering that he is at playgroup so I didn't bring him    He did a poo in his nappy today and straight away told me and tried to take off his trousers    Too clever by half he is    We have got his final hearing day for bp on 10th Feb and our final hearing day for us (and ds2) on 3rd of March and then he will be legally ours.      Finally got his Life Story Book last week.  Made me and dh cry, especially as there was a letter from bm in there to him.

Hope you are all having a lovely weekend.


----------



## magenta

Hi,

Things are generally happy here in the Magenta household.Although as per usual we all have a sniffle/cough. Honestly I am sure small children spread more disease than rats! 

DD is settled in her little pre-school class at nursery and seems to be thriving (although we have an ed phych assessment this week to hopefully get her support for starting school and she is _so_ settled she is showing no poor behaviours to show the ed psych! - will need to explain in the meeting what she can be like without support/small group environment).

Following her deterioration/regression after bad nursery experience we are still 'potty training' again. Only nappies for naps and sleeps now but still about one or two small accidents a day due to being distracted by tv/activity etc or tiredness meaning she forgets to listen to her body. According to my mum I was exactly the same right up til I was nearly 5...so at least I know she isn't alone  my mum thinks it is God's laugh making me suffer what I did to my mum! Just praying that we can limit the accidents to when she is at home in future  as I am desperate to stop carrying spare pants and trousers in my handbag whereever we go!

also - feeling a bit bad about being so negative to calmly on her 'redecoration' thread....I really hope I am just being overly negative but I seem to just have one incident after another of sws assuming information or assuming that info has been passed on. latest is that no-one seems to be able to tell me the sex, age and name of latest birth sibling for DDs life book. our sw doesn't know cos not placed through them and LA dont know cos not through them...no one can tell me! aarrgghh.

M x


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Everyone,

As I can't sleep and so am surfing at this hour I thought i would give you a bit of an update.

Last weekend we had Pinky christened, it was a very special day. She looked beautiful in dress that my mum had hand made from my wedding dress    . My mum also made a lovely cake, aren't mums soooooooooo cleaver. The only slight downer was that she was a bit under the weather. Pooh bear had been ill earlier in the week with high temps etc and she woke up that day with one, but my little princess  managed to get through her special day.

Apart from all the bugs he is picking up, Pooh bear is a happy little chappy at school. He now has his first after school activity,football which he loves.

2 other mile stones, Pinky decided about 3 weeks ago to pottytrain herself and is now dry in the day  and pooh bear came out of pull ups at night and has just done his first full week of dry nights , so a trip to toys r us was the order of the day on saturday

We are of on holiday next week for half term which i am really looking forward to, a week in a lodge in the Lakes, and as my parents live just round the corner we will also get a bit of child free time. .

Remember when i said i had been asked to be a panel member, but then it was put on hold till after pinkys adoption, well it has now come round and i observe my 1st panel in a couple of weeks and become a fully fledged member in April. I feel very privileged to be doing such an important job.   .

Sorry i don't post much these day but do read about you all frequently.

Cindy,would really like to meet up again soon, can't believe it has been over a year since our last meet. Hope you and yours are all OK.

TTFN PBMx


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## Ruthiebabe

hi ladies,

we're mid-way through our intros with Boo2, and all is going well. We'd been warned that his attachment might not be secure as he tends to be too friendly, but have to say he hasn't been. even his foster carer said how he'd come along a way in the last few months on this, so its great news. we've 3 long days with him at home now and then he moves in....can't wait! all the driving and spending so much time in someone elses house is exhausting.

Boo2 is taking to it well, maybe a little more attention seeking, and a couple of unexplained pools of wee found in the bedroom. but that's stopped already so fingers crossed it all goes smoothly next week.

anyway we've the evening off so are taking Boo1 for a curry as i'm not sure boo2 will be up for that for a while yet!
xxruthie


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## Pooh bears mummy

Aww Ruth

Nice to hear about your intos with boo2. Not long now till he is home.

PBMx


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## Mummyof2

ruthie -   all sounding great


----------



## keemjay

ruthie - glad all is going well with intros..sounds like boo2 is getting along great..hope you enjoy your days at home together. intros are so different with no.2 arent they..we found it so hard to give 100% to it as we had done the first time around as we had to make allowances for littlie all the time..its a fine balancing act!

kj x


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

Ruthie - Great that intros are going well for Boo2. I can only imagine how much harder it is with 2 children to think of.. enjoy your curry with Boo 1    Keep us informed on how things are going with intro's, i'm sure you cant wait for moving in day    

PBM - Wow to pinkies dress and teddy - They're fab! Well done to your mum for making them.  Bless them for being poorly and still being good.  Looks like you had a fantastic day  

Keemjay - Have a Great day on Sunday hunny -  

Magenta - You are so right with your comment of children carrying germs    DS seems to always have something and if he's clear I have something   DH must have an iron immune system as he's fit as a fiddle!  DOnt feel bad about any comments made, I find honesty the best policy and you never know if you can help someone by pointing out something they haven't thought of.

FP - Great to hear DS2 is coming on leaps and bounds    They say that happens alot post placement, Munchkin seems to have changed from a baby to a little boy in the time he has been here, he is communicating so much more and knows all his colours and is counting now too  

I've had enough of the snow now, it's not funny anymore, DS doesn't do snow    We went for a walk today and he says 'mess' when he gets any snow on his boots


----------



## Ruthiebabe

can't believe where the time has gone, but Boo2 is home!!

had a very uneventful nights sleep and up at 7.30....so a dream child so far!!

Boo1 and 2 are getting on like a house on fire, already really close, sitting cuddling watching cartoons (sooo cute). Chasing each other and playing football. The cat has discovered that the best place to avoid the attentions of Boo2 during the day is in his cot! Boo1 is a little more attention seeking than usual, but nothign unexpected.

anywya better get back to it...just wanted to update you all!
xruthie

PS any adopters on here from somerset?


----------



## cindyp

Ruthie, that's great news, so glad that he's settled in well.  A 7.30 wake up is definitely my idea of a dream child   

PBM, congrats on Christening and on the potty training, did you find Pinky a lot quicker than Pooh Bear.  I know that I was quite surprised by Cuddles pro-active potty training.  Glad Pooh has settled well at school, Junior found it a bit hard at first but is a lot more settled now.  Hope you are having a nice time in the Lakes, been 13 years since I last went there.  Good luck with the panel although I'm sure you will be fine.  Would love to meet up again, do you have any plans for the East hols?  I bet Pinky has changed lots since I last saw you.  I saw our old SW a couple of weeks ago and she couldn't get over how much DD had changed.

KJ, hope you enjoyed your time at Court.

Magenta, glad to hear that Bubbles is settling in at her new nursery, I know you had a bit of a fraught time trying to get things sorted for her.  I'm sure the potty training will come, we had more than one go for DS.

K, how lovely to get a note from that, as you said this parenting thing is a bit of a minefield so it is nice when you get a little something to show that you are obviously not doing too bad a job.  It's a phrase that DS finds very difficult to use so I treasure his infrequent displays of affection all the more.

Wynster, LOL at the "mess" phrase   I have to agree with your DS.

Mof2, sounds like DS2 is coming on in leaps and bounds, not long until that final hurdle.

DH and I had a lovely weekend in France, we relaxed loads, wined and dined and had an early night although AF had arrived so not as romantic as it could have been  .  We had the best night's sleep together since Cuddles arrived two years ago.  DD was fine with her first time away from us, cried when we left but soon settled in at my friend's house and became more concerned as to what present we would bring her and whether it would be pink.  DS stayed at my parents which was nice as it was the first time they had spent the weekend together.  Fortunately the snow didn't prove a major problem as it was only really evident at my parents where we had to clear around the tyres before we could leave.

Unfortunately since we have been back we have also been besieged by germs.  Our first day home I had a really bad stomach which I blamed on a service station burger during our journey home.  Unfortunately DD was then sick all over her bed on Wednesday night and DH was also sick on Friday so I think a virus is the culprit and not the burger.  This did mean that my birthday evening (Friday) was spent alone in front of the TV with half a bottle of french red and a box of Terry's All Gold.  So not too bad a birthday after all   
Valentine's day wasn't very romantic either as DH was still recovering from his stomach upset.  Having recovered from that virus both kids now have colds, DS has been particularly bad with a nasty cough and temperature so nobody is sleeping in our house at the moment.

How are everybody else?  Are we enjoying the school holidays? Unfortunately the kids beeing ill has put a dampener on our plans for this week.  I have invited some other Mums around tomorrow with their kids so at least it should make a change from Cbeebies.

love to all
Cindy


----------



## cindyp

Just a quickie, if anyone else fancies a meet up during the Easter hols as well as PBM and I, would be more than happy to sort something out.

Cindy


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Cindy, I might be interested in a meet up with my 2.  I seem to remember that you live about an hour from me?  Will PM you.


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hey Ladies

Cindy- we are the house of sick too- busy weekend as BIL was up with his DW and their 2 girls and now we are all full of colds- i had loads of plans for this week and now its nearly gone and have got none of it done!

hi to everyone else- thinking of you all

xxx


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies

Ruthie, so pleased Boo2 is home and they are getting on well.  Enjoy!  

DS also has a nasty cough, temperature and very snotty   He has been off his food a bit but have managed to tempt him with some 'nice' things and is a bit clingy but thats expected and nice in some ways  though he is a cuddly boy anyway.  He is also doing well with potty training, only 1 tiny accident yesterday    

Depending on where I may be on for the meet.  I'm Gloucestershire.

Love
OT x


----------



## Viva

Hi, 
I like the idea of a meet too, but have a feeling that I don't live anywhere near any of you, I'm in Berkshire.
Viva
X
P.S. Great to hear the Boo2 is settling in well Ruthie.


----------



## ritzi

loving the idea of meeting up - but i'm in wales so perhaps a bridge too far?  

lovely to hear all the news here  

ritz


----------



## superal

Ruthie- fantastic news Boo 2 i home and every thing is going great.

Love and best wishes
Andrea
x


----------



## naoise

A meet up sounds great although coming from Northern Ireland I don't think we can swim that far 
I'm sooo jealous as I think it would be lovely to put faces to names.

Cindy your trip to France sounds like you had a great time even though you were all sick after, brings you back down to earth with a bump doesn't it.

KJ hope you had a good day in court as well.

Ruthie hope all is going well, you are bound to be run off your feet.

OT sorry to hear littlie isn't so well, well done though on the potty training.

No real news here just everyday things going to swimming lessons this afternoon, the girls ae coming on really well and hopefully by the time we go to Portugal they will have the basics down to pat. We are hopefully going to court around the end of April or so, the sws reports have to be in by 6th April. I have tried my best to explain to the girls what is going on and N has got a good idea what is happening I have told her we have to wait for a letter from the court telling us when to go to get adopted, on Saturday she collected the post for me and she came running up all excited shouting "we're getting adopted" at the top of her voice and she was soo excited and I had to explain that the letter she had wasn't the one we were waiting for and she was soo disappointed, I felt really sorry for her.

Hope everyone is well

LOve K


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

A meet would be fab but think i'm too far away, what sort of area were you thinking of having it?

Cindy - So envious of you popping off to France, sounds like you had a great time - Dont envy the sickness though  

KJ - Hope you've enjoyed all the celebrating  

Naoise - Bless DD   Hope the real letter arrives soon and she can get really really excited  

OT - Sorry to hear DS is poorly, hope he soon recovers and that you dont come down with it  

MJ - Oh dont you just hate it when you've organised things and illness ruins it    Hope you've all picked up now and managed to do some bits  

Ruthie - Sounds like boo2 is settling in well, 7:30   Hope he keeps that up for you. 

Things are continuing to go well here, we have delayed seeing FC's again as he was very attached to them so we are meeting up in the next week or two.  Any advice welcome on that one.  DH worried Munchkin will call male fc daddy    But we have shown him their photo and he has spoken on the phone to them without any issues and now calls them by their names. 

Have a lovely weekend all


----------



## Mummyof2

Wynnster - we were told that as our ds2 was so attached to fc we should wait 6 months before visiting to give him time to re-attach to us.  Fc keeps badgering for a visit but we are waiting for the 6 months (or more) before taking the plunge as it would be dreadful if he became upset at leaving them and didn't sleep properly or something.  There is no requirement to see fc after placement so we haven't decided what to do either way yet, although we acknowledge that fc did a wonderful job with littlie.  I do send her photos of him though and xmas card etc.


----------



## Old Timer

We also delayed seeing FC even though DS wasn't attached at all to her, we just wanted him to get settled and not confuse him with seeing her too soon.  Last time I spoke to her was October, she was meant to call me with some dates she could do in November and we have never heard from her, not even a Christmas card though I did send her one at the start of December.  We aren't bothering to contact her anymore, SWs have said we have done more than enough and not to worry about it.  DS has seen photos of her and we have explained who she is and that she is now looking after some other children until they find their new Mummy and Daddy.

Don't feel pressured into seeing them, its your call and you all have to be happy with it.

Naoise, hope that letter arrives soon, its lovely to hear how excited your DD is.

DS is still bunged up but his cough isn't too bad now and he is getting back to his very active self 

Hope everyone is having a good weekend, we have lovely sunshine here 

OT x


----------



## shivster

Meet up sounds good - I am in Oxfordshire. Don't know how that fares in the map of adopters! We didn't adopt through this LA and keep being invited back to meets but it's too far for a couple of hours. 

PBM i am in awe over the potty training we are on week 5 now and still having a couple of pairs of pants a day. Belated congrats on the Christening too. We had little bear christened in September and it was a wonderful day. 

Colds seem to be the order of the day! LB and I have had colds all week. I am hoping he is dried up enough to take it back to nursery with him tomorrow!


----------



## keemjay

hey all 
re meeting FC,s we did it quite early on in placement, around the 6 weeks mark on the advice of SW who said she didnt think it fair for children to think people just disappeared from their lives  Littlie coped fine, she was very attached to FM but also v independent if that make sense (not clingy) and thereafter saw the FM once a month as she (littlie) was having contact with babybro who was in the same Foster family..we still do see alot of FFamily as we have a very good relationship with them but we wouldnt if we thought it would be unsettling..we didnt take littlie back to their house for 8 months and only did it them cos of intros with babybro

PBM - hows the panel observation going? its something I've thought of doing in the future. christening sounded like a very special day..

magenta - really pleased DD is settling well into her new nursery..still carrying those extra pants in your handbag? 

naoise - any sign of the letter yet? great the grils are getting on so well with their swimming..

ruthie - glad boo2 is settling in well..its so lovely seeing siblings doing things together happily..i've a lovely pic of my 2 on the sofa in their pj's on xmas moring holding hands 

would love to meet up too, we're in Surrey...

our day in court was great, thanks for the well wishes  short and sweet as always..littlie had been saying 'good morning your honour'
beautifully but of course was struck dumb..but as a back up we had been practising shaking hands and they both performed that beautifully when we went up to have our  pics taken with the judge  then we went out for a coffee with the sw which was really nice, she has seen us through all the traumas and is thrilled we have got to this point now. then it was off to the shops and to buy babybro some bongo drums as he is soooo into drumming and music generally..and dh also found him a top with drums on that said 'i'm with the band' so of course he had to have that too  then we had lunch out at Wagamammas where the kids behaved wonderfully and babybro was impressing everyone using chopsticks, fluttering his eyelashes and yelling 'hiya' at all the waitresses  then home for tea and cakes with grandma 
we had a party last sunday evening for him..think we've only just recovered, was a bit of a mission getting it all organised..we had about 50 people and our house is not that large so we had to spill out into the garden which meant errecting a large gala tent in case of bad weather..luckily it was actually quite nice and very mild. the kids were on great form, i hardly saw babybro, we was off down the garden in his wellies with the bigger children joining in and being a scamp.we did a speech, drank bubbles and lit the candle on our 4th pillar in our 'family' flower bed..and then set to 'our song of babybros placement' we released 4 lit sky lanterns into the night sky (google if you've never seen them, they're beautiful) to signify the end of our journey to get our famliy and the beginning of our new lives together..it was a really lovely moment, tears all round. it really feels final now, like we've actually arrived at being a real family    

kj x


----------



## magenta

Wow Keemjay that sounds wonderful.  What a fantastic way to celebrate your journey to become a family.

no news here - just the normal run of meetings/assessments/appointments et al. that we go through as a family to make sure all is well with DD.  It gets less each year but it still takes up time.

We are hoping to get all the eye appointments/medical stuff and pre-school stuff done before summer so that we have all the latest info for the multi-disciplinary meeting regarding SEN support.  It seems weird that after years of asking for her not to be labelled I am now pushing for her to get any and all labels that will help us to access the teeny-tiny little bit of additional support she needs.  Please dont think she is disabled - she isn't.  please don't think she has attachment disorder - she doesnt.  She isn't majorly anything really - just delayed enough that it is beginning to show.  She is just a little bit behind her peers and struggles with speech and lauguage and some gross and fine motor skills which may mean that she needs a support person in place for starting school / developing appropriately through pre-school year (scottish version of reception year).  

Magenta x
ps - still carrying extra pants and tights in bag....but not so frequently required.


----------



## Mummyof2

KJ - that all sounds wonderful.  How long does it take in court?  We go on Tuesday next week so wondering what time it will finish as we are going out for a meal afterwards to celebrate.

Magenta - well done you for pushing to get everything sorted for your dd.  Hope it gets sorted soon.

On Saturday ds2 toppled off the side of a chair standing up and trying to get the digital photo frame that is stored on top of the tv.  He banged his face full force on the tv as he fell off the chair and now has a large bruised face.

On Sunday ds2 was supposed to be having his afternoon nap but dh put him to bed and left the light on accidentally so ds2 didn't sleep.  He decided instead to open his bedside cabinet where his wet wipes are stored and pulled off the tabs of 5 unopened packets of wet wipes and pulled out all the wet wipes inside and pushed them down the side of his cot.  When I came to get him up he pointed down the side of his cot and said "mess".  His sheet and bed toys were all wet from the wet wipes.  

Today whilst in his playpen ds2 took his nappy off this morning and get undressed while no-one was looking, then did a poo and wee inside his playpen   He is now in dungarees as he can undo poppers but not dungaree studs.

Oh the joys of having a 2 year old


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hey ladies

KJ- your post had me in tears after all this time its all legal - i wont forget the date you went to court as it was my 30th birhdya which was a special day for me and it was also my 1st mummy birthday.

Magenta- Good luck getting your DD the help needed for school- i know what you mean about fighting to not label our children yet pushing to label them when we need help- i too have done this too.

Mof2- we were in and out of "court" in under 30mins- as it was just me, DH and the 2 children and both SW we only went into the judges chambers however he was kind and let the children see his court room as it is a very old court and the room is still in the same way (1800's) enjoy becoming a legal family

hi to everyone else. thinking of you all

xxx


----------



## keemjay

mummyof2 - we were even less time then MJ, 10 mins max..a bit of idle chitchat about how it was being a family of 4, my old job and dh's current job, which was a bit random, then he let littlie use the court stamp on a little certificate he'd made, then he bizarrely played congratulations on his laptop  and then we did photos..that was it!
kj x


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi KJ,

Your family party sound beautiful, brought a tear to my eye.

I have butterflies in my tummy as it is my 1st panel tomorrow!!!. Got all the papers about 2 weeks ago, it was so strange reading other peoples forms but also very exciting. Just an observer tomorrow but still very anxious.

TTFM

PBMx


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Ladies

PBM, good luck for tomorrow.  I've also said i'd be interested in being a panel member in the future, what was your interview like?  The christening sounded like a wonderful day for you all.

Kj, what a fantastic post   So pleased you are all legal now.

Mo2, enjoy next Tuesday.  We were only in court for about 20mins and that was with taking photos, the official bit lasted less than 10 minutes.  Sounds as though DS2 is a typical 2yr old boy 

Magenta, hope you get the help DD needs, I'm sure it will make all the difference to her.

Ruthie, hope things are continuing to go well with boo2.

Hi to everyone else, hope all is well.

DS is a lot better now though still full of sn*t   We have been potty training and he is doing really well, the last 2 days he has been doing it all himself with no reminders or accidents   We started on Friday and have had 5 accidents in that time, 2 Friday, 1 Saturday and 2 Sunday.

We now have his birth certs through so I am looking to open a savings account for him.  Can I do this just using the short cert?  Don't really feel a bank needs to know he is adopted.....

Love
OT x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Girls, thanks for the info about how long it takes in court.  We've got our parents travelling 1.5 hrs to get to our house from theirs and then a further 1 hr to get to court from our house.  Seems a long way to come for 10-20 mins    

Just been up to ds2 as he was screaming in his cot.  Turned out he had been trying to get out of his cot (luckily on the wall side) and got his leg stuck between the cot and the wall.   

We put him in dungarees this morning to make sure he didn't get undressed again and poo and wee in his playpen.  Came down this morning after ds2 had been in his playpen for 20 mins to find he had undone one strap and pulled down the other strap and was trying to wiggle down the waist of his dungarees.  He is a right terror    

Ds2 has been to playgroup this morning and was fine about me leaving.  I had a "bye" and a kiss and he was gone.  Considering he has only been 9 times in total he has soon got used to being left at "school".  He loves it there.

I need eyes in the back and sides of my head with ds2 around  

OT - we opened an account for ds1 but I can't remember which birth certificate we used - long or short - as it was almost 6 years ago.  Got a load of money to put in an account for ds2 but haven't got his birth certificate yet obviously so can't open one yet.


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi OT- we didnt know we would get new birth certs the way we did so opened our 2 a savings acc each with their adoption Certs however yes you can use the short cert to open a account, if its with the same bank as you and/or DH then you wont need any other ID however if its a new bank neither of you are at them you will need to take ID for you too

Mof2- we told family that they couldnt come to the court as it was so stressful for us as we needed to be there for 10.30 however we lie and hour away from the court and DH is an "must be super early" person so we left an hour early too! - it has also snowed lightly between 6-7am too so glad we left early. My DD didnt sleep well the night before court (she is 3 and knew about it- think she was a tad worried about it as 1st wet night in months) so i ended up in the bath with her at 5.30 in the morning......................  We planned it so that we met up about 4.30 to aloow both ours a nap which it turned out they both needed as were asleep within 10mins of getting in the car and slept for over 2 hours each (didnt wake even when taking them out of car/stripping them and putting them in bed!)

xxx


----------



## Old Timer

Thanks MJ.

We weren't allowed to take any one else with us so it was us and DS's SW, our SW was in another court.  We popped into the hospital my Mum works at for half hour and then just spent the day as a family, out for lunch and soft play.  We had our party on the Saturday which was a great hit with DS.

OT x


----------



## Tibbelt

Hello all!

Sorry - no time to catch up on all posts because I can hear a little one stirring upstairs but just wanted to let you know that we're still in the land of the living and all is great!

KJ - great news re court honey!     Wonderful news!

Mummy of 2 - sounds like you've got a houdini there!!!   

PMB - how did panel go? Hope you enjoyed it!

Magenta - good luck with your appointments honey hope you get everything you need    

OT - hope DS is feeling better

Shivster - you too, hope you're all recovered from your colds!

Hello to everyone I've missed - hope you're all ok and enjoing the slightly better weather (though cold again here today!  roll on spring and   )

Not sure who mentioned a meet up - would love to but not sure we're right geographically... we're in London, anyone near here fancy getting together??

I know I've been rubbish at posting but will try to do better I promise!   to me!

hope you're all ok and that your little ones are all good too!

Lots of love &   to you all
S
xxxxx
p.s. life good with us - still waiting on court date, wish it would come soon!! Fingers crossed!


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi All

Quicky from me as ment to be working. Panel went really well, i felt very emotional afterwards as i know how happy and excited all the people we approved must have felt. Can't wait for the next one when i will be a full panel memeber.

We live in the north but have a summer holiday planned down near Kent/ Canterbury for 2 weeks from 8/8/09 so maybe we could plan a meet up then. Anyone from down there got any ideas of places we could meet?

PBMx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi everyone, our final hearing for the adoption order went well on 3.3.  Both sets of grandparents came along plus both sw.  ds2 was a tantruming, defiant child throughout but everyone turned a blind eye.     Ceremony took about half an hour, with magistrate giving a reading about the legality of adoption and how this meant that ds2 was now as much ours as if he had been born into our family.   It feels great to finally know that ds2 is ours and no one can take him away from us.  Bit sad saying goodbye to sw and she had bought both boys lovely presents so that was nice of her.  Luckily we had got her a thank you present as well.  So it was hugs and good lucks all round and then family only went for a celebration meal and ds2 finally calmed down.  Everyone then back to ours and ds2 was fine.  So finally after 4 years and 4 months, our family is finally, legally, complete


----------



## keemjay

ah mummyof2....what a wait..you finally made it  CONGRATULATIONS!!!!   
sounds like a really nice ceremony, much  more effort than most courts 
glad you had a lovely day 

kj x


----------



## Old Timer

Mo2 - Great to hear all went well and your family is now complete and legal!  You sure have had a journey waiting for your 2nd child and now you can look to the future as a family of 4   CONGRATULATIONS!!!

OT x


----------



## Mummyof2

Thanks ladies


----------



## superal

congratulations mummy of 2....what a journey you have had to get to this point BUT well worth every momnet I bet.......well apart form the looooooooong wait!!

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Congratulations mummy of 2.

PBMx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Congratulations Mof2- its fab when its all legal! your family is now complete

xxx


----------



## cindyp

Mof2, Belated congratulations on crossing that final hurdle.   

Cindy


----------



## wynnster

Me Too - Congrats Mo2

Also PBM - Well done to you too, first of many panels we hope  

Hope everyone is well, eventful day had in A&E today for us


----------



## superal

Very quick message from me to let you know that my DS is 16 today!!!

16 where has the time gone!!

He was telling me how he could buy a lottery ticket this morning now he is 16 & my reply was you can do a few things ow your 16 but it doesn't mean you have to!!  He looked at me and i said I'm to young to be a grandman which he laughed at.............he seeems to have grown up over night!!

hope every one is well!!
Andrea
x


----------



## Mummyof2

Superal - wow 16.  I'm getting lots of stroppy teenager attitude from my 8 year old so well done that your 16 yr old is so mature.  Happy birthday to him.  

Wynnster - yes what happened in A&E


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi ladies

Happy 16th Birthday to your DS Superal- your little boy is growing into a young man! 

Hello to everyone else- thinking of you all- dont seem to get the time to post as much anymore!

Well i am a "single" parent for tonight and tomorrow and again next week as DH working away! our 2 are so settled now they dont mind "daddy sleeping at work"  DD just wanted to know if she could have daddy's share of our bed! she got a big fat NO as she is such a wriggler she takes up most of our bed which i wouldnt mind however its a super kingsize!  

Our 2 have been home now for nearly 11months now and it seems like we have had them forever

xxxx


----------



## Old Timer

Hi

Happy 16th Birthday to Superal's DS, hope you all have a great time celebrating.

Wynn - what happened??

MJ, its amazing how quickly the time goes isn't it?!  DS has been home 9 months now and I am on count down back to work, 13 weeks    I know when it happens it will be fine but part of me wishes I didn't have to go back....its only part time and DS will be at nursery/pre-school.....  Enjoy having your bed to yourself!  We have had a few nights with DH away and DS has been fine, DH was meant to be going away next month for 3 weeks but it has been postponed and we are now awaiting new dates...not looking forward to that!

Do any of you have anything special planned for Sunday?  DH thinks he is going to cook for me but I always cook for my Mum so not sure what to do at the moment, DH doesn't want to go out.

Love
OT x


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

Superal - Happy 16th to DS, where does the time go! What are you/ is he doing to celebrate (other than buying a lottery ticket   )

OT - Oh No the return to work! That has gone quick.  The thought is depressing me already, thinking about not returning at all   we'll see. 

MJ - Enjoy your HUGE bed all to yourself    Hope the time without DH goes quickly, if you're anything like me and miss him when he's gone.

Munchkin fell over DH's feet in the bathroom sunday before last, he cried but no more than normal when he falls. He went to bed fine and all monday and most of tuesday he was fine, then tues afternoon he complained his wrist hurt and wednesday he was the same, when he fell over he'd cry and say arm hurting, mum and others were saying he'd probably bruised it and that I can't take him to the dr's everytime he falls, Thursday he fell over at toddlers and really really cried bless him,   so I phoned the dr's for an emergency appointment - Even our GP said it was probably a bruise but to make sure it would need to be x-rayed and the quickest way for that is to take him to A&E.  3 Hours later the dr said it was fractured at the most common point for kids and should repair itself quite quickly, it's called a greenstick fracture.  So at the moment Munchkin has a little minor cast on where only the top part is cast and the bottom is just bandage, it is so sad to see him in a cast though and everyone who see's him 'ohhhs' at him 
I felt awful for not taking him to the gp's sooner and kicked myself for listening to others    Other than that he is as happy as larry and has taken to his 'special glove' really well - Only difficulty is bath time!  

Hi to everyone else too xxxxx


----------



## Tibbelt

Oh Wynnster honey - don't beat yourself up! My two are always falling over and constantly have bruised shins and knees! We've had 1 trip to A&E too - Cupcake managed to shut her hand in the front door and took 2 nails off!!! OUCH! I felt dreadful when it happened and totally blamed myself   but the docs told me 'you're not a parent until you've been to A&E!'   (I had to tell them our girls were looked after cos we had to give their birth name - and that made me cry even more, I was terrified we'd lose the girls! - all sounds a bit sill now, our SW told me ' wow- look at how you've bonded to feel so upset!). Anyway - enough of my waffle, just to say, you're not alone honey and don't beat yourself up! Good luck with bath time - we used a rubber glove on the injured hand! Worked a treat (so much so that Sweetie pie had to have one too!!!   )

Superal - wow, can't believe DS is 16! Hope he's had a fab birthday!  

OT - urgh the return to work thing! Horrid isn't it?!   I'm with Wynnster and thinking of not going back too but got to wait and see for a while longer I guess...

MJ - oh a huge bed to yourself! Bliss!!!! Snuggle up with a good book I say - enjoy!

Not sure what we're doing next Sunday - but I do know DH has something planned (and he and the girls have been up to something using paint!!). Have to say I'm sooooo excited! Can't believe I'm going to have my first mother's day, there were times I thought this day would never come!

Hope you all have a fab, fab day!

Cupcake & Sweetie pie are doing great - eating us out of house and home and shooting up! My babies are disappearing fast, they're quickly becoming fab little girls! It's so lovely to have some good weather and to be able to be outside - we've had a lovely day at the playground and then playing in the garden! Bliss!!

Have a lovely evening all
lots of love
S
xxxx


----------



## Old Timer

Wynnster - poor Munchkin, hope it doesn't cause him too much pain and it heals quickly.  Don't blame yourself hun, you di what seemed right at the time and I'm sure its not caused any delay in the healing.  They get so many cuts and bruises etc at this age, theres too much to do to be careful!

Unfortunately I have to return to work in order to pay for the extras.  For the first time ever I find myself wishing I could stay at home, I'd certainly have a clean house as I'd have time to do it while DS is at pre-school, but after nearly £50k on ivf and a fairly big mortgage I have no options   I'm just thinking that come December we can apply again and then maybe I'll be able to stay home when #2 comes along.

Ot x


----------



## Mummyof2

Wynnster - poor little munchkin.  Wishing him a speedy recovery.    to you and him.

OT -   to you as well.  I'm lucky in that I am a stay at home mum but we have a low mortgage, no debts, dh earns a reasonably good income plus I run a very small online business to top up the family income.  I buy my clothes mainly nearly new (and the boys clothes) and we only holiday in England in a mobile home 2 times a year so I am pretty low maintenance    Dh, of course, refuses to buy nearly new and has to have posh expensive suits for work so just as well I don't spend much on me and the boys!  Sometimes I would like to go abroad on holiday but we stopped going abroad when ds1 came along and got out of the habit.  We have no savings though and usually end up overdrawn at the end of every month   Like you we ran up big bills (for us) with the IVF (12K) but that is paid off now thankfully but it was a struggle at the time paying everything off and depressing that we, like you, had no baby at the end of it from that route.     You always think that the next cycle will be the one though.  We stopped after 2 cycles as dh found it too depressing after I mc twins and didn't want to continue.  I persuaded him to have one last go and that was that.  Never mind, we have our little angels/little devils now


----------



## ebonie

Hello ladies   is it ok if i join this read   i have been a member for quite some time but nto posted on here much, but would like to speak to like minded individuals    our little man came home to us in 2005 he had just truned 3yrs old, he is 7 coming up my dont time fly by  
ill look forward to getting to know you all     love e x


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Emma,

Welcome to the group,we area friendly bunch. Look forward to sharing motherhood with you.

PBMx


----------



## Mummyof2

welcome Ebonie


----------



## ebonie

Thank you ladies  
 Im so looking forward to tomorrow,i had a invite last week from my son, he made it in school inviting me to go to his class at 2,30pm for some snacks and things because its mothers day on sunday i felt so emotional when i was reading it   i cant wait   its such a simple thing in life, but ohh such a brilliant feeling   he is so pleased that he is doing this for me i willll let you know what happens


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

aww Hope you had a nice timex

PBMx


----------



## superal

Happy mothers day to all of us who have been lucky enough to have our wonderful children placed with us.......for those still waiting it will happen and you never know this time next year you may be celebrating your first mothers day.....never give up hope! 

love
Andreaxxxxx


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## cindyp

I'd like to echo Andrea.  Happy Mother's Day everybody.

I 'm lucky that this isn't my first one although I did experience my first Mother's Day assembly at the school which was really emotional.  I got to watch DS with the rest of his class singing a special song before they all presented their Mums with a hand made card and some flowers.

To all those waiting for that day to come, hang in there it will arrive.  

love
Cindy


----------



## cindyp

Forgot to say if anybody fancies an Easter meet, PBM and I are planning a trip to Gullivers Kingdom at Matlock on the 14th.  So if anybody fancies joining us give us a shout.

Cindy


----------



## crusoe

Hi everyone
Can I join you on this thread too? Our DS has been with us for 4 weeks now and I am just starting to get over the panic and feelings of being totally overwhelmed by having a toddler around the place. 
My first mothers day as a mummy was lovely, like so many of you I doubted the day would ever come.

Love crusoe
xx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi to you all - I had a lovely mother's day.  Ds1 made me a card on the school computer plus some crepe paper flowers and greeted me with a big hug and kiss when I got up.  Ds2 made a bouquet of flowers at playgroup (with a little help methinks ).  dh bought a card from both boys as well and got me a box of chocs.  We went to some open gardens under the NGS charity scheme.  Had a great time.

Hi Crusoe, glad you had a lovely mother's day.  Yes it is very overwhelming having a toddler about the place, even second time around like it is for me.  It does get better though - honest


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

Oh Yes a fab first mothers day here too    Spent the morning in bed with a cuppa and the papers, then had breakfast made by DH, had a beautiful bunch of flowers given to me by Munchkin, a box of chocs, home made card and a card from DH! spent the afternoon at the seaside then DH cooked a lovely meal in the evening - Bliss  

Welcome Crusoe - Oh yes it does get easier! It takes a while to get into your own routine and as the days pass you'll get more and more into the swing of things.


----------



## superal

Its nice to hear so many of us had a good mothers day and I'm sure the list for next year will get bigger and bigger fro all the mums out there!!

As for me I had a wonderful day when I typed my first message i had been spoilt by my 2 with DS promising to buy me the new James Bond film which came out on DVD on Monday he kept his promise I got Daniel Craig wrapped up in a bow!! yum yum!! ......lol

My lovely DH spoilt me also & I have to say he went out and bought me a CAR!! yes we went and ordered a brand new car on Sunday and he said it was because I was the best mummy out children could have asked for............  (tears of happiness..how lucky am I!! (we had been thinking about it for a while and it all happened on Sunday......buying the car!!)

love
Andrea
xxxx


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Crusoe, good to see you posting here and to hear things are settling down a bit.

I had a lovely day on Sunday too, brekkie in bed, 3 cards from DS, 2 made at nursery and playgroup, a card from DH, a teddy bear, a book, some flowers and a little book about Mums that my Mum had bought for DS to give me.  We spent the day with my parents at a working farm, had a tractor/trailer ride and saw loads of animals, DS fed the pigs which he enjoyed!

Andrea, what car did you buy?

Love
OT x


----------



## crusoe

OT - glad you had a lovely mother's day. You made me smile because we went to a farm too. All the kids were cooing over some week old piglets that were adorable - all except my DS who was only interested in the lamp the piglets were lying under and the outside tap! 

Love to all
Crusoexxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

That made me laugh Crusoe - your littlie sounds just like my ds2 - in to everything and wants to know exactly how everything works  

Superal - wow - a new car.  Lucky you.  Sounds like a wonderful mother's day.

Sounds like we all had brilliant mother's days.  Aren't we the lucky bunch


----------



## superal

OT- its new Hyundai Santa Fe!

Hopefully take delivery on Saturday and ti will be out 17th wedding anniversary on Saturday so fingers crossed!!

Hope everyone is OK!!

love
Andrea
x


----------



## Old Timer

None the wiser!  Will have to look it up........

Happy 17th Wedding Anniversary for the weekend too!

Love
OT x


----------



## Boggy

Superal - I have a Hyundai Santa Fe!

It is the best car I have ever had, I absolutely love it to bits, it's been fantastic and when we need to replace it, we'll be getting another!    It's great now we live in the country, but was fab in the city too.

Enjoy!
Bx


----------



## superal

Boggy - glad you said that we are changing from a Nissan x-trail to the Santa Fe and can not wait to take delivery!!  Waiting for a phone call form the garage now!!!  Taking ages to get back to me.......lol...i am impatient!! 

hope every one is oK!!

Andrea
x


----------



## superal

Guess
what!!!


it arrived on my 17th weddding anniversary and its looooooooovely......my new car!! (28th March was my wedding anniversary!)

Love
Andrea
xxx


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## Mummyof2

Hi Andrea, congratulations on your new car


----------



## wynnster

Woo Hoo Andrea - Congrats on your new arrival    i'm sure you've earned it hun - Enjoy it  

Isn't it utterly fabby news on Jo & Paul      I keep thinking of Little Charlie Coombe today (and poor Caroline, Ouch!)

Not much to tell here, Munchkin continues to make us smile daily, we've had our place confirmed for pre school in September    He'll be going 2 mornings a week, which is there minimum although he wont get funding until the following september    I still think he's so small to go but have said that we'll try it and if he really doesn't cope then we could always pull out  
My PMT seems to be easing and i'm only suffering for a few odd days now, probably down to me chilling out mainly but those Starflower tablets may have helped too - An afternoon like yesterdays would have had me in tears before, munchkin woke from his nap in the pushchair in a terrible mood, we were in a cafe having a coffee (on our own) he woke up wanted to get out his chair straight away, wanted my lap, didn't want my lap, wanted the high chair, wanted out the highchair, wanted a drink, didn't want the drink, then calmed down enough to try his lunch, took two chews and spat it over the floor then cried (howled!) because he'd dropped his roll - All this with a cafe full of people having a good ol nose  
Come out from the cafe and he's sitting in the pushchair singing 'Bal-a-mor-y'      Joys of a toddler


----------



## cindyp

Wow Andrea that sounds like one hell of a Mother's Day present, enjoy  Mind you I think I really like the sound of Daniel Craig wrapped in a bow  .

Welcome to the Mummys thread Crusoe, as Mof2 said toddlers can be overwhelming even when you've gone through it before.

Wynnster you have my sympathies, Munchkin's behaviour sounds just like Cuddles post nap attitude.  Glad to see your PMT is improving as there is nothing worse than PMT and grouchy kids.

I should be working at the moment, I've got a seond part time job that I do from home but I really can't motivate myself today.  Much more fun to catch up with the gossip  

I'm hoping we get some more of that sunshine we've had this week over the Easter holidays.  Anybody going away?  We are staying at home but we've got a couple of outings with After Adoption, friends visiting and as mentioned before a meet up with PBM and family at Gullivers Kingdom (all welcome).  Will probably invite some of Junior's schoolfriends around as well so I reckon we will be fairly busy.

Have to share this surreal conversation shared with my daughter whilst driving her back from nursery yesterday lunchtime:

Cuddles:- My caterpillar's gone (paper one she had just made)
Me:- Oh dear, where has it gone?
Cuddles:- In the sky
Me:- In the sky? What is it doing?
Cuddles:- Eating breakfast
Me:- Oh what is it eating?
Cuddles: Shepherds pie

I just had to laugh, toddlers imaginations are so entertaining.

Have a good weekend everyone.
love
Cindy


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## superal

AHHHHHHH Cindy that is lovely I love the idea of caterpillars eating shepherds pie that why i love working with preschoolers that imagination and thought on life at this age are truly amazing!

Andrea
x


----------



## crusoe

Hi everyone
Can I just offload a bit please ...
I have just been out to a little music class with DS. I actually thought DS was quite well behaved but clearly the class leader didnt. It's true DS didn't sit beautifully still on my lap for 45 minutes like some of the younger babies but he wasn't that bad. He did run around the room a little  (although I did my level best to distract him from it), flick a few switches (big obsession of his) and want to get up close to all the intruments and stereo but he was just being his normal busy self. After the class the woman running it came over and said his behavour was quite difficult and was it me wanting him to come to the class as he didn't seem interested in music!!! 
I left virtually in tears being made to feel I was a bad mum for not being able to control him and for making him go to a class he wasn't the slightest bit into. I'm not sure I can face going next week even though I have paid up for a term.
How do you know if a 20 mth old is interested in music for goodness sake. All I can say is he always stops what he is doing when music he recognises comes on the TV, he likes being sung to etc - but he hasn't written his first symphony yet...
Perhaps it was too early to try and attend this type of session but I know that DS is getting a little bored at home and he really does need to be mixing with other children.
Have any of you experienced anything similar?
Sorry for the me post ...
Love Crusoe
xxx


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi Crusoe,

sounds like you've joined a class run by a right COW! You should ask her how much experience she has to be running classes when she deems typical toddler behaviour as "difficult". You little boy sounds just like ours, not interested in sitting still for more than a few minutes....ie a typical toddler. Is he the oldest there? Maybe the others aren't running around because they can't yet.

If you don't feel comfortable there, then ask for a refund. This might sound a bit naughty, but if they try not to give you a refund then suggest that you're going to keep on coming and being "disruptive". 

We've tried a few different types of classes with Boo2, but just paid for individual sessions till we saw how he got on with them. We've tried and discounted a few but have now signed up for baby yoga as he liked that. They should have offered you this as an option.

anyways sorry to hear your feelign bad about this.....but be assured it is not your or your little boy at fault here.

xxruthie


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## Mummyof2

Hi, my ds is exactly the same.  He won't sit still during story time at our local mums and tots group as he is a doer not a sitter. I have found that sitting him on my lap eating a small packet of raisens followed by a biscuit works wonders though for about 45 mins of quiet   Could you try something like that?  I have also found that my ds is more active the first time we go anywhere but better on week 2 or visit 2 etc.  It seems that new experiences excite him a lot.  Perhaps your ds is the same and he will quieten down over the coming weeks as the novelty wears off?

I have also found that if you take your baby somewhere from very small he gets used to it and is better behaved later in life at the same venue.  As adoptive parents we do not get our babies from very small so they can be more disruptive but they are perfectly normal toddlers exhibiting perfectly normal toddler behaviour so don't let it get to you.

Don't give into this woman's unhelpful manner.  If she says anything again, you can always say that you will have to keep coming as you have paid and cannot afford to stop coming as you would need the money back again to go elsewhere.  Hopefully she will refund you but she doesn't sound like that nice sort of person so don't hold your breath!


----------



## Ruthiebabe

I am in total work avoidance mood, so thought i'd come on and let you know how things are going with Boo2. He's been with us 9 weeks today, so we get to apply to the courts next week. Its all going great, he is running the house. Boo1 took a little adjusting and we've had some strange nighttime pee-ing incidents but otherwise its great.

We're just starting into the terrible 2s with Boo2, he's really willful, but so cute and charming with it. He loves his sleep and his food and watching rugby, so he's a perfect match for us. 

Boo2's BM has cleaned herself up, so the new baby is staying with her for now. It makes me a bit anxious that she could contest his adoption now, but the SWs assure me that's not likely to happen or be successful, so we have to trust them i guess.

As for SWs and their ruling....they do make me laugh. Someone once commented on how we (the parents) and the children arent the first consideration. When it is clearly The Sw's first, then the kids then us in rank. Anyway we had a classic example of this. Boo2's sw (who is lovley) keep panicing every week when she hadn't come and see us, as the rules say she must visit everyweek. So we've always been happy for her to drop out with little or no notice. But we are now in the 3rd week of not even having a phonecall, the reason being her kids are off school. We don't mind at all, but it is clear who's needs are at the top of the list, and a good job Boo2 doesnt need any intervention from them!

thats all for now, 
xxxruthie


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ladies

Crusoe- massive  about this daft women! my DS would not sit still at that age at all! he is nearly 32 months and is very active when in a new place as he is a Child! and wants to explore- please try and ingnore this women- do you have someone who can come with you next week? 

Ruthie- ref the visits- its ment to be weekly for 4 weeks and then monthly visits there after and the visits can be done by your SW or Boo's SW.

xxxx


----------



## BunBun

Crusoe -  I first took ds to a music group when he was just over 10 months old, so I think 20 months would be an ideal age.
I unfortunately gave up with the music group after about 9 months as I really didn't like their attitude, it seems that they really do have a problem with wanting to keep the children sitting still. I found it bad enough sitting on a cold floor for 30 minutes without fidgetting or getting pins & needles in my legs. It may well be the excitement of it being in a new place/experience why ds won't sit still, give it a few more goes to see how he gets on. All the best to you.


----------



## keemjay

crusoe  to you, what a complete   of a music leader, i've never heard anything so rude..she doesnt sound child friendly at all
if it were me, i would ask for a refund and not go back, you're prob going to feel anxious now when you do go again, if not knashing your teeth at the woman  is it a chain of music groups or a privately run one..if its a chain and she wont refund, go higher up the company and complain about her at the same time 
maybe your little one needs more of a free play toddler group type activity instead of something more structured at this age?

kj x


----------



## CAREbear1

I agree with the comments from everyone else- How rude!
Most child friendly groups do not expect toddlers to sit still. I take LR to Bounce and rhyme at the library and they told me it was fine to let them crawl round, when I 'nervous new mum' was trying to keep LR on my knee. How rude, how rude how rude!   I think we are all angry because we know exactly how you will have felt at the time


----------



## crusoe

Thank-you so much everyone.
I think I have decided to give up on this particular group. I might be over sensitive but attending a class that left me in tears is not the right place for me of my DS.
I have spoken to the leader of another group who sounded so much more relaxed, friendly and accepting of DS so have agreed to go along for trial session taking my lovely mum with me for some moral support. I might lose some money on the first class but to be honest so what my feelings and my gorgeous DS are more important.
I just feel so annoyed that I was made to feel like a terrible parent and that my DS was totally out of control when he was simply being a normal inquisitive little boy.
Thank-you all so much for helping me feel better and all your comments and suggestions.
Love Crusoe
xxxx


----------



## Viva

Hi Everyone,
Well it's been an age since I last posted on here so I though that it was time that I posted what we've all been up to. Firstly though sorry to hear that you've had such an awful time Crusoe with the music group, it certainly isn't anything negative on the part of your DS my DD still (at nearly 3) wouldn't sit on my lap and concentrate for that length of time, I'm sure that you'll find something that is right for you and your DS that will be a really positive experience. 

We took the children away to Wales for a week in the holidays which was wonderful despite Lola's reluctance to actually settle down and sleep, too much excitement having Charlie in the bedroom with her. We're really enjoying having special time with them both before the baby arrives as there will be some things that will be harder to do in the short term once the baby arrives, as a result we have very little organised as yet for the baby, I guess as well as adoptive parents we're all used to organising at short notice all the things we need for our new arrivals so it feels like we've still got lots of time, we just have to hope that the baby doesn't decide to make an early arrival!

Charlie, is doing well at school and outbursts of anger from him are much reduced, there are still times when we see a look on his face that reminds us of what he has been through but most of the time he is a very happy, settled and content little boy who is progressing well.The one area we would like to see some progress in is in him being dry at night, he regularly wets at night (anything from 2-5 times a week) and a few months ago we started putting him in pyjama pants as we couldn't cope with the washing, he got cross and distressed when we had to change him and sometimes he wet after we had gone to bed and checked him and his skin would be red raw in the morning. He will be 6 in August so I thought we would probably seek some professional help then, but if anyone has any ideas in the meantime I'd be grateful, incidentally Charlie doesn't seem bothered by it at all, which is good in one way, we wouldn't want him to be ashamed of it, but in another way not so good as as he gets older it will get less and less common amongst his peer group and eventually it may become an issue for him, we'd like him to want to be dry at night if you know what I mean as opposed to not bothered one way or the other.

Lola is growing up fast, finally we have cracked the pooing on the toilet thing (it's only taken 7 months!) She has just started pre school 2 mornings a week, she cried on Monday when I left her but today went off with her keyworker happily, apparently she is being very good and loves showing me all the things she has made, when I've picked her up she seems really settled and happy but also very pleased to see her mummy  . We went to the park today for lunch and it really did seem like a perfect moment. Tomorrow she starts a little dance class (we did a trial last term and she loved it) and with toddlers that we've been doing for ages and a regular meet up with friends of Friday morning she has a busy week, it's early days but she seems very ready for more structure and organised activities and the little bit of free time I get when she is at pre school will be great with the baby on the way. Her speech is also beginning to come on, although it is still quite unclear at times, she is being seen by speech and language which I certainly feel that she will benefit from, in any case we are loving (most of the time!) the fact that she is turning into a chatty little girl.

I am well in terms of the pregnancy, although by the time I give up work in 4 weeks or so I think I will be ready for the break. The children still seem really positive about the baby even if Charlie is desperate for a brother and Lola is desperate for a sister! We're going to ensure that they get protected quality time with us and try and minimise the change to their routines and the fuss about the baby as much as possible. For us it feels like it's a much smaller deal than when we were matched with Charlie and Lola in any case as we are already Mummy and Daddy and we already have two amazing and beautiful children, just hoping that no one will make any stupid comments in front of the children that undermine the place they have in our family, I wouldn't like to promise that in a hormonal postnatal mood I wouldn't tear someone's head off!

Good to hear that on the whole things are going well for you all, not going to manage any personnels today, would like to say I'll try and post more regularly but to be honest presently I'm tending to read and run (very rude I know) and I'm not sure that will change too much any time soon!

Off to try and fit in half an hours ironing now before Lola gets up from her nap and Charlie needs picking up from school.

Love to you all
Viva
X


----------



## cindyp

Crusoe, I have to agree with everyone else, I think you've done the best thing finding a friendlier class.  

Viva, great to hear from you, I can't blame you for not having posted.  I find it hard enough with the two kids without having to think of a third on the way.  I'm having exactly the same bed wetting problem with Junior as you are having with Charlie.  We put him back in pull ups at nightime because we were too busy trying to help him settle in school to tackle the problem but he looks too big to be wearing them.  I was actually planning to have a word with the health visitor tomorrow (we are lucky as there is always one at our Mums and Tots group) to see if she can suggest anything.  I will have to post back and let you know what she says.

Hope everyone had a good Easter hols.  We had a really nice time and I wish I hadn't had to go back to work with all this sunshine but unfortunately nobody wants to pay me to sit in the sun and read a book, shame  

love
Cindy


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ladies

I am far from an expert on "dry at night" however with my DD i get her up for a wee once befre i go to bed and if she has drank alot i get her up about 2hours after going to bed too- so she goes down just after 6pm and i will get her up around 8 and 10pm when drank alot or around 9pm if not drank so much, she has been dry at night since end of Oct (9months after dry in the day) and we go have the odd wet bed however not much- we kept her in "pull-ups" for about 10days when she was dry in them every night and then "braved it" and went cold turkey.

When we 1st started getting her up for a wee on a night it was H*ll as she would kick off and be a night mare however it has worked well for us now as it used to take upto 20mins for a wee where as now its done in a min or so! 

My brother was a very heavy sleeper and wet the bed and ven with differant things(Alarm/sensors) he didnt wake! 

xxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Viva and CindyP, my ds1 had this problem of bedwetting at night after he was dry in the day aged 3. We used to get stressed about it but then I read this article (see below) and we decided that he would stop when he was ready. He stopped 2 days after he was 6. His dri-nites were suddenly dry. We couldn't believe it had finally happened so he still wore a dri-nite for a few more weeks, just in case, but he just stopped wetting. It was like his body was finally ready. We had tried to get him dry at night for ages on and off until I read this article. So he went back into dri-nites and we woke him when we went to bed and got him up to do a wee. No-one at school knew about his problem as at this age he wasn't going on sleep overs. I did chat to the GP about it but was told to come back when he was 8 if it hadn't stopped by then. GP was very laid back about it all and said it was very common in boys in particular.

A tip someone gave me was to put a folded bath towel under your child when they go to bed and not wearing nappy etc as the towel soaks up the urine and is easier to remove for washing than the whole sheet so less disruption in the middle of the night.

*Who's affected?*

With more than a million people suffering in the UK, it's more common than people think. One in six five-year-olds, one in 11 nine-year olds, and between one in 50 and one in 100 people over the age of 15 (including adults) wet the bed at night.

Boys are more likely to suffer than girls, while men and women are equally likely to wet the bed.

In all children, the development of bladder function control and night-time urine production is a slow process, so most children are affected up to the age of three. In fact, bed-wetting is quite common up to the age of eight. In most cases there's a delay in the development of the normal pathways of bladder function control within the brain and nervous system, which eventually mature.

Hope this helps put your mind at rest.


----------



## Viva

Hi,
MJ, Thanks for your thoughts, I'm not sure that getting Charlie up in the night is much of an option really, we have tried it and so did his FC's, but he totally loses it getting physically aggressive and shouting/screaming/crying at the moment I would find it physically difficult to do and DH finds it almost impossible to stay calm which helps nobody. My DH is a red head   and is finding his work quite stressful at the moment, much as he loves the children to bits they can make him lose his cool quite quickly whereas I've learnt to stay calm and fully in control of my emotions, so we've agreed that at the moment it's better if he avoids situations where he may feel like he may struggle to control his anger and ending up shouting and saying unhelpful things. 
I think that Charlie may well be like your brother as once asleep he's very difficult to wake up and he presently is in bed for 12 hours a night and really seems to need it.

Cindy, I fully understand where your coming from with the settling at school thing, how is Junior getting on, is he finding things easier? We had had 6 weeks of dry beds before Charlie started school, but now even in the holidays the wetting continues, ho hum, I guess he'll get there eventually!

Viva
X

P.S. Was just about to post when I saw your post Mof2, thank you, I guess we just need to relax and go with things for now, it obviously is far too early to really be getting concerned!


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Viva

I can totally understand as my DD would kick off however we have 2 toilets and it got to the point were DH would get DD up and bring her down stairs and wake her up a bit for the loo as i was worried she would wake DS up!

My DD too sleeps for 12+ hours on a night and lovvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeees her bed! 

I know a few of the little ones at pre-school who are 4 are still in pull-up's at night and they worried as everyone goes on about "my child is dry" or my child is this and you think your child should be!

My mum used to get my brother up and pop him on the potty next to his bed and even after 1 or 2 wee's a night he would still wet!

xxxxxx


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## cindyp

Thanks for the replies ladies.

Mof2, the HV said exactly the same thing as your GP, don't worrry until he's over 7 so I'm going to put it on the backburner for now.  Will probably buy a couple more matress protectors and give it another go in the school holidays without pullups.  Like Viva's Charlie getting Junior up in the night caused more trouble than it was worth.

Viva, know exactly what you mean about being able to keep my cool better than DH.  My DH works in a school with children who have behavioural issues so when he comes home from work the last thing he wants is our two playing up.  

love to all, better go DD is beating up her big brother again  

Cindy


----------



## ritzi

hello all

i dont' often post here - simply because i forget the thread exists - must do better  

interesting you're discussing wetting as we've recently had the continence nurse out to visit dizzy - he was in nappies when he came to us at 3.5 i think because the FC simply couldn't be bothered   took us 2 attempts but he is now dry  

she gave us lots of advice - i hope some of it helps you..........contrary to what lots of people do the continence nurse advised against waking dizzy up in the night for a wee, just give last drink with dinner rather than bedtime, big wee before bed and that's it. the body has to learn to store the urine for the night and the kidneys need the break too so urine production reduces - if your child isn't dry its no big deal as far as the docs go and most will not consider a referral till the child is still wetting at 7.

rewards can work too - dizzy wakes up saying 'dry pants, dry bed, chocolate!' and waits (impatiently) for his chocolate button (which he then stirs into his porridge   ). 

crusoe   we have not returned to one group as scoop would not sit on my lap for the singing bit etc and although no-one commented i was dead embarrassed and have not returned   i spoke to my hv and found more active groups to join instead   

andrea - when the boys arrived we treated ourselves to a new car and it arrived april 5th   its a toyota corrolla verso.....what a treat  

dizzy had a dreadful morning at nursery today - hitting others and taking out his hearing aid   he has a 1-1 worker and she said he's had a bad week - maybe following the 2 weeks off? worst thing was that an assessor was there to look at his behaviour and advise the nursery of how to manage it - and he was the worst he's been apparently   strong words when we got home but goes straight over his head really   

anyone creative for birthday ideas? the boys turn 2 and 4 in the summer within days of each other so i thought a joint party might be nice - how does the etiquette work for nursery classes? ie if we invite dizzy school friends do we say it's for both or just dizzy - all their other friends are my friends children/family so it will be easy to say it's a joint thing.  also do we have to invite the whole class or just the one or two friends that he talks about? (he had his first invite today for a girl in his class so i guess they invite everyone? there's 15) 

enjoy the sunshine all - as i'm sat here the boys are running around the garden, cats are casually looking on - this is the life!

ritz


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## wynnster

Hi All

Haven't got to the whole potty training thing yet but DS does have a potty which we just leave in the bathroom and he'll sit on it before bathtime and sometimes he'll ask for it while he's watching tv  although he hadn't actually done anything on it and we're not actively training him he is getting used to the potty and what it is for - Well the other night he'd sat there as normal before his bath and we forgot all about it, until the following morning and we realised he'd done a wee  How bad we didn't even notice or **? or anything  although i keep telling myself he probably didn't realise he'd done it himself 

Crusoe - I agree with the others, what a horrid woman making you feel that way! Good for you for not going back - hope the other class is better for you both 

Ritzi - Re the boys party, have you read the party etiquette thread on parenting? Some parents actually leave their children at the party   If I was you i'd invite just a few of each of their friends rather than the whole class otherwise you'll have LOADS of kids and you might end up having to supervise them all yourself  Maybe you could just write on the invitation that it's Dizzy and Scoop's joint celebration that way you dont have to actually say anything... the parents can then choose what they bring present wise.
Exciting though isn't it we're planning Munchkins 2nd birthday too and I must say I can't wait! Only a small do and he is just starting to understand birthdays at the moment and sings happy birthday 

We've been having a sort out of Munchkins things to make way for birthday presents and there are lots of baby things which he no longer plays with which for the moment we're just putting in the loft, I feel like i can't get ris of anything though  Does anyone else feel like they can't let go of their LO's belongings, i'm talking toys and clothes. There are lots of things i'd like to keep to show him when he is older but the rest I must sell/throw out /give away as necessary otherwise we'll be over run with stuff  Maybe in a few months i'll feel differently?

Also another thing niggling me.... Munchkin is starting pre school in September and I think will thrive on being busy, he is so ready to go although still a baby (always will be in my eyes) The thing i'm concerned with is the relationship between LO's and their carers? Maybe i'm thinking too much into it but if we're told by SS to do everything for our children ourselves to help with their attachement how do teachers fit into this? I dont like the thought of a teacher/someone else comforting dS if he were to fall or hurt himself and i'm not there  Someone tell me i'm being silly please!! 

Wynn xxx


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## keemjay

wynnster, i havent time to reply properly but you might want to review your spelling in your first paragraph..quite a funny typo  not one for a sw to see 

kj x


----------



## ritzi

i   at the typo too   
i think you're right that ds wouldn't have known so don't feel bad   - first time scoop sat on he weed and didnt bat an eyelid   no clap for him either as at the time i was trying desperately to encourage dizzy to sit on the 'big toilet'   and didn't want scoop to steal his thunder!

no supervision for 15 children   will see if parents stay at his classmates party next weekend and go from there!

ritz


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## wynnster

cLap


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

wynnster said:


> cLap


OMG for the life of me i couldnt think what you ment to write however i was changing the letters you used round! xxx


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## HHH

Haven't posted  for ages- but have been lurking. Wanted to share my day of firsts....

BBB did not cry when i left him at childminders but said "Bye Bye Mummy !"

BBB did his first wee on the potty!

Have finished and posted our first contact letter...

Quite monumental accomplishments I think. Now off to have a glass of wine in celebration and relaxation.

HHH


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## Mummyof2

HHH - lots of important firsts there - well done on getting them to go smoothly


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## wynnster

Well Done HHH and Well Done BBB


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## HHH

So the progress continues...leaving BBB at childminder's this week.....

Day one - no tears and ' bye bye mummy'

Day two - 'bye bye mummy....door' as BBB pushes the front door shut and waves to me from behind it!!  

Next week i'm expecting for him to ask me to drop him off a the top of the road!! How quickly they grow up!!

Hope you all enjoying the bank holiday
HHH


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## Mummyof2

HHH - glad to hear that he is settling in so well.  I drop ds2 off at playgroup every morning and he runs off to play with his friends with a "bye bye mummy" and a quick kiss.  I feel at this age they need the stimulation of playing with other children and the confidence to know that they can be assured that mummy always comes back and keeps her promises.  After all it won't be long until they are at school and the trauma of having to be left there, if they are not used to being left earlier on.


----------



## ritzi

hello all

happy bank holiday! 

dh had taken the boys out while i am sat here 'working'.......oh dear now i'm on FF i might never get anything done. (i am studying for a masters)

took dizzy for his classmates b-day party yesterday, first hour or so was fine.....big hall, bouncy castle, kids running around - i knew it wouldn't last. sat and had food - and was overwhelmed with the amount of sugar! trays of sweeties - the haribo type with lollipops etc.....felt a mean mummy but with his teeth as they are (rotten molars and discoloured generally) there was no way he was having the sugary stuff. I then had to hide his party bag when we got home   dizzy was fine with me taking the contraband though and swapping it for a cheese sandwich   
just before the end he took it upon himself to hit two children - and they happened to be the children of the parents i was standing in between   and as i was telling him off he spat at me   (his latest bad habit - almost a daily occurence the last two weeks at school and home - any ideas how to stop it? )

scoop has learnt the word NO   and says it at every opportunity. we are currently recording his behaviour for the Portage team people and i dread to think what they think of us - the noise level alone in our house is    we've enrolled him at a lovely nursery which he will start in june for two mornings on the advice of our HV who describes him as a 'busy boy' who needs to be with other LO's (we have to pay for the sessions) - he should then get his free place there next year.  

i know i havn't spoken much about their needs but both boys have a rare medical condition causing special medical/behavioural needs - we are constantly exhausted even when their behaviour is 'good' as they are just so busy. their sleeping times are consumed with other chores such as washing clothes, dishes, cleaning - stuff we cannot do with them around. we also are at the hospital on average once per week since they arrived which is trying in itself! 
our old SW suggested we may wish to consider some respite - i'm not sure how i feel about it - do any of you have respite care for your LO's?   

anwyays, back to work for me - i dare say i've only a hour before they are back for lunch   

ritz


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## HHH

Hey Ritzi

I don't have respite for my LO so can't comment from that angle but i can make a comment as an outsider who from your post gets some of the idea about how BUSY your life is!!! 

If the sw is suggesting respite certainly think about it. It's a really strong thing to do - think about the needs of your whole family and to take steps to prevent things form getting too much. I suppose you could think of it as them going to a childminder's or a nursery for the day. And let me tell you i know a fair few people who don't have children with more needs than most and don't work or aren't studying for a  masters and who still send their kids to nursery jujst to survive !!

Our LO is saying NO ALLLLL of the time currently, am hoping it's just a phase.

Don't forget while you are doing such a good job of looking after scoop and dizzy to llok after yourself too!

HHH


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## Old Timer

Hi Ritzi

We don't have respite for our DS in the SS sense of the word but he does go to his Nannies for an afternoon or overnight every now and again so that gives us a chance to re-charge a bit!  We had our parents crb checked during HS so he was able to stay with them before the AO for a few hours, it helped get him used to Mummy leaving him and coming back in the build up to nursery.  He also goes to nursery/playgroup and it gives me a few hours to get some jobs done without him underfoot but its more about getting him used to being in that environment before I go back to work and for the social skills aspect.

Certainly think about respite, you need time for you as well and don't need to be doing housework every evening when they are in bed, you need to have some relaxing time too!

HHH, I think the saying NO just moves on as they get older and learn more words for the same thing!  My DS at 3 thinks he has to have the last word in everything and answers back ALL the time with me, is an angel for everyone else!

OT x


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## wynnster

Hi All

Ritz - Hats off to you, I have 1 easy child and I feel like I need a break occasionally but you sound like you have your hands, arms, lap, and everything else full.  You HAVE to think of yourself aswell as your children, if you're not 100% neither will they be. 

For me personally I found the first 3 months hard, i was tired and stressed and wasn't enjoying being a mother, I felt a failure as everyone was asking me how I found being a Mummy and telling me how rewarding it is and inside I was feeling like everyday was a struggle...... I called in my mum who came over once a week overnight so during the day I had someone else with me to take the pressure off and DH and I got to go out once a week, it was lovely and I really looked forward to it every week, it lasted about 8 weeks and then I realised I didn't need the support anymore and we've been on 'our own' for 5 weeks.  So although DS was still with me, just having someone else around to help was a great support. 

Re the spitting, when DS first came home he used to pull hair, I started to pull his back everytime he did it, only gently but enough for him to realise it hurt and he then stopped.  Then he bit and again I bit him back (gently again and he didn't do it again!) and he used to hit me but only when I had him in my arms so everytime he did it I told him I really didn't like that and put him down and turned my back on him giving him no attention (which he hated) now DS gets 'time out' and at 2 I thought he was too young but it definately works in this house and he knows exactly why he is given time out and will apologise afterwards.  I know alot of people dont agree with the biting back but for us it worked and he did it when he was too young for time out otherwise we'd have used that....   It was never  enough to dent his skin, just incase you're thinking i'd hurt him!!! 
I haven't tackled spitting (yet!) How do you discipline him generally?  Could you maybe try time out or take something away for bad behaviour?   Having said this though I of course do not know their medical/behavioural needs, how do the proffessionals advise to manage behaviour?

Please make sure you look after yourself    and if SS are suggesting respite then maybe you could ask for just a couple of hours


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## Old Timer

Wynn - I've done the same with DS but with pinching, just enough for him to realise it can hurt but without causing him any real pain, unlike he caused me!!!

Have been having a pretty rubbish time lately, DS is going through a very defiant, horrid phrase, well I hope its just a phrase, and its really getting me down.  We are due to go on holiday this weekend and at the moment I feel like staying home and letting DH and DS go on their own just so I can have a break!  Am hoping though it will get us all smiling again.  

Just under 5 weeks till I go back to work, though I could easily stay home I think it will do me some good and the extra money will come in useful!  

Hope you are all well, am suffering with hayfever and sinus problems so all in all feeling pretty sorry for myself 

Love
OT x


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## Mummyof2

Hi OT, sorry to hear that you are suffering with hayfever and blocked sinus.  Sorry also to hear that ds is being a  "little darling" 

My ds2 was being the same and wearing me out so I had time out and had a long weekend at my parents over Easter while dh coped with the boys.  Ds2 was lovely after I came back for a couple of weeks but has taken to being defiant and screaming when he is told no and if I put him in his playpen he throws all his toys at me that are kept in there, red in the face with rage and still screaming   It is hard to stay cool, calm and collected so I just walk out of the room knowing he is safe in his playpen.  I too am hoping it is just a phase    No fun though.  Most of the time ds2 is fine but some days he has tantrum after tantrum, about an hour apart.  Terrible 2s indeed


----------



## superal

i have just caught up on some of the messages you lovely ladies have wrote and I have to say it does not get any easier even when the children get older BUT what we have to remember is that our children are normal and they would react this way if born to us!

I to felt like a break form my 2 the other day and told hubby, he had just got back form a short break with his mates that I was going to go and leave him to deal with a stroppy teenager and a little madam who is to big for her boots..........the look on his face priceless!!!

love to all
Andrea
x


----------



## ritzi

thanks for the advice - its good to know i'm not alone - we've all got our hands full by the sounds of it  

wynnster we do use time out - they have a spot they have to sit on if they do something they are not allowed or i see them escalating into something norti!  when i am home alone with them their behaviour is good on the whole - it's not that they are always norti but rather that they constantly need attention to keep them in line. 

it's when we go out or others come over that behaviour is a big problem....

dizzy cannot deal with more than 2 adults at a time - i think he thinks they will take him away   his removal from BM involved SS and police arriving so i expect the scene was not pleasant for him (age 2). i can understand why he does it but it's hard to deal with when you are trying to talk etc.....

we have agreed with him the 3 important rules for nursery - no hitting, no spitting and 1 other - and if he keeps the rules he has a mini-chocolate bar as soon as we get home. so far so good and he is pleased at his treat and proud of himself  

scoop has reached the terrible twos   great fun.....   

our next review is next week so we may discuss respite then..........and let them know we have enrolled scoop at nursery for the end of june. not sure how they will be as the plan was for me to be home with him for 1 year but i'm knackered!   

we have finished our filming - OMG if you watch it you'd think we were killing scoop - the volume of screaming is so loud - with dizzy shouting 'stop it scoop' all the time   poor dizzy putting up with it. hopefully though we will get some more advice once we send the tape off   

ritz


----------



## Kitten 80

Hello there hope you don't mind me popping in I am on the iui bored I'm not giving up just yet with my treatment but there is no harm looking forward to other options I just wondered how you go about adopting a child there is a child that is not born yet and the sibling was adopted by the grandmother which is a very close family friend she wont be able to handle another so me and DH were thinking of taking him/her into our hart and home could you tell me how we would go about it we are in Brentwood Essex.

thank you 

Kitten


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## Mummyof2

Hi Kitten, sorry can't answer your questions here as we have already adopted our children and gone down the traditional route of LA or VA.  You need to be posting on the main board, not the sub board.  Hopefully someone there can reply to you.


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## wynnster

Hi All

Maybe it is ALL 2 year olds being difficlut lately  

Yesterday DS woke up grumpy (you know some days when they're just grumpy for no reason) we had a few places to go so did that then DH comes up with the bright idea of going to Pizzahut, i'm thinking, ut oh I know how ds is going to be straped in a high chair so said 'maybe another day when munchkins in a better mood' but no he wants to go right now (i'm sure i have 2 toddlers sometimes) As predictable as ever, DS didn't want to sit in the high chair and did the whole throw yourself back in the high chair and throw everything in site! With everyone in there looking like they've never seen a toddler have a paddy before   

It is like a weight being lifted having the Adoption Order granted   We have our celebration day at court in a few weeks so thinking of what we can do to celebrate, we have a morning slot so thinking of having a nice lunch out, booking a photography session and then going to the pottery barn to have a plate or something made.  I brought one of those Willow Tree ornaments the other day as I couldn't resist it was so appropriate, it's called 'our gift' and is of a mummy, daddy and child  

I hope you hear some good advice soon Ritz and let us know how your meeting goes. 

It is totally knackering being a parent BUT looking on the Parenthood thread we all feel the same, so it is good to know we're normal    

As time goes on and we're fast approaching DS being home 6 months   I find I worry less about everything, I used to worry about how much ds was or wasn't eating and drinking but now he eats a balanced diet and i don't worry.  I used to worry about being up and dressed by a certain time but now as long as ds is happy to play in his dressing down (he looks so cute) after breakfast then thats where he stays (like now he is busy cooking on his kitchen so i'm happy to surt FF   )  Loads of other things i'd worry about and try to get everything right but life isn't perfect is it, my house is clean but I haven't dusted upstairs for 2 weeks and who cares


----------



## ritzi

oh wynnster - know the feeling   hold your head held high and ignore the stares hun  

i once carried scoop screaming blue murder under my arm from the out-patient clinic - with everyone looking at me   i can laugh now but boy it was tough....

i've posted my news on the post placement thread as it's confidential  

ritz


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

hey Ladies

Its defo a 2yr old thing as our "little darling" has turned into a screaming "darling" - yesterday i had 30mins of him screaming at me as i wouldnt give him his dummy so he threw letters off the fridge (fridge phonics letters) and then refused to pick them up so went on the "step" and did the whole going stiff so he couldnt sit ect and then screamed at me- i am very very proud as i kept my cool the whole time and every time he got off the step i just put him back- our DS knows fine well how to behave on the step as he is either seeing DD on it or they are both on it!

Last night he did the whole screaming thing again so i have got out the wooden play pen and he know goes in this when having  a full on screaming tantrum as i know he is safe in there.

Today after swimming he had a tantrum and like you Ritzi i picked him up and walked out with him however was saying to him "mummy is gonna be like the lady in the advert and have a tantrum and show you up!" 

xxxxx


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## Mummyof2

Hi MJ, your post sounds like my life with ds2.  Terrible 2s indeed.  He is fine if he gets his own way in every thing (aren't we all  )


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

So how was your BH weekends? 

We took Munchkin camping for the first time, we all had such a great time    I spent the whole time worrying about him running off, touching stuff he shouldn't, putting him to sleep in a tent, washing in the toilets and him escaping etc etc but he was brilliant - absolutely loved being outdoors and no troubles sleeping away from home.  Only downside was him being awake before the birds   Good job we had an early night and was in bed by  9:30  
DH has been fab too and basically took DS off whenever possible to feed the ducks, look at the boats etc just so I could put my feet up and read a magazine  

Hope you all enjoyed the sunshine (while it lasted).


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## everhopeful

Morning all!  
I had to just pop in, it made me laugh about the terrble two's discussion.... my LO hasn't even reached that age yet, but the terrible bit.... yes that arrived about 8 weeks ago!

She is very strong willed and will do things only when she's feeling like it, and you soon know if she's not in the mood!

I took the girls to the park yesterday with it being lovely and warm, and she screamed to come out of her buggy, she screamed when I took her out of the swing, she screamed because her big sister could climb and she's too little, and she screamed blue murder when I strapped her back in the buggy to come home! I am now getting used to the screaming, but yesterday she'd managed to crank up the volume and it echoed around the park so everyone could hear, and everyone turned and looked! Bliss! 
Missboo had a lovely time at the park but yet when asked by her Daddy if she'd been to the park she could only come out with "yes, and Babyroo screamed - didn't she mum?" !!!!!

Babyroo is chattering all the time in her own little language and can only say a few definate words, but her latest has us in stitches "No"   - she's clearly heard that word enough times over the past year, and especially in the past few weeks, so now she's getting her own back! She's replying no to anything and everything. 
Where the tantrums will end with this one I don't know. She started very early but I daren't dream she'll soon be over them. Missboo started hers at 3 and by 4ish she was more confident and relaxed about stuff, so it was very rare indeed. Then she left nursery to start school last year (and she was nearing 5) and we had a full week of screaming tantrums from her, like she'd been possessed by the devil  , and it clearly doesn't end once they are in school (hence yesterday's episode!).
The pair of them already have moments of mini-teenage rebellion, so what we've let ourselves in for, I'm not sure!!!


----------



## dawny36

Hi all,

Just had to add my bit about the tantrums, its quite funny but in a way isnt   when I have to pick my little one up in public and remove her from a shop or wherever she is having a tantrum she will shout at the top of her voice 'someone is taking me....help someone is taking me'!!! well as you can imagine me I get some looks and to make it worse she looks nothing like me little madam! dont know where she has got it from but she knows it winds me up so I just ignore her and say very quietly yes someone is taking you your mummy is so there! lol!

Dawny


----------



## Tibbelt

Hello all! 

Sorry I've been awol for soooo long! Life is just so busy I don't know where the days go!

Plus refer to all the terrible 2 comments above and times it by 2 (the joys of having twins!!!   ) and by the evening I'm just too tired to post! I can't complain too much though - Cupcake & Sweetie pie are good girls most of the time, just very demanding and want my constant attention! The only real problem I have is that they bite each other - not always in anger, often they're romping around (they are very boisterous little girls) and end up biting each other in excitement! We always tell them off - they get 2 minutes on the sofa, have to kiss and make up and then come and give me a cuddle. most of the time it works and after a few days the biting stops... for a week of so and then it starts again! Not usre what the answer is, i mentioned it to the doc yesterday (we've had to take our girls for their regular medicals) but she seems to think it's par for hte course for their age - and in everything else they're doing really well so I'm not too worried, just fed up of it! Luckily they're (touch wood, no - make that a whole tree, or even 3!) never bitten another child... really hope that's not famous last words!
I guess it's a hazard of having 2, you can't leave 1 to cry because they wake the other up and then it really is double trouble!!!    

I can't believe our daughters have been home 7 months today! It feels like they've always been here and I feel 110000% that I'm their mummy (I also hear mummeeeee about 50k times aday which helps! ha ha! I love it though!!) but it is totally exhausting! 

Ritzi - hang on in there my lovely and don't forget what everyone has said about looking after yourself - they're right! You can't look after your gorgeous little ones if you're not 100% yourself! sending you big hugs!

Oh no - I can hear rumblings upstairs, DH is out on a well earner evening so I'd better go - will try and pop back later!
(i'll go and say shhhhh through the door for a while, usually does the trick! )

be back in a bit
lol to all
S
xxxxx


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi All

Sorry been awol for soooooooooooooooo long. Just popped in 4 a catch up. Pinkyis definatly joining the terrible 2gang!

Also been 4 years on wednesday since pooh bear came home.

PBMx


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## cindyp

Ditto PBM and Tibbelt, never enought time to get on and post.  Should be in bed now considering how early the kids get up  .

Cuddles is definitely a terrible two, so much worse than her brother was, our girls generally worse than boys?  Mind you everything will be fine as it is her birthday soon so it will stop then won't it?  Ha Ha.  Nursery think she's a darling as she never shows any of her stroppy behaviour there and eats everything they put in front of her.  

Tibbelt, I used to think that I wanted twins when I was ttc but as soon as I had DS I realised that I was glad it didn't work out thay way so you have my sympathies.  My BIL had twin two year old boys and a 8 month baby boy (surprise following IVF) so I have seen what hard work it is.

Gotta run, I can hear my little darling waking up again.

Cindy


----------



## magenta

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted in ages either.  No news here - we are just enjoying family life and making the most of the next year before Bubbles starts primary school.  We are very much hoping that some extra input from pre-school, SALT and OT over the next 12 months will bring her up educationally to be able to start mainstream primary with little or no assistance.  But actually we aren't that bothered as long as she meets her full potential and is happy...we have good special needs school in the area as well as a few relatively good primaries so we won't be stuck either way!  But it seems such a leap from where she is now as quite an immature wee thing to her starting school in a year.

Magenta x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Cindy - sounds very familar - the terrible twos.  We have a big dose of it in our house at the moment.  On top of the daily tantrums with the screaming at the top of his voice and the throwing of toys, kicking and headbutting, Ds2 has started taking off his clothes and nappy at every opportunity as well so lots of washing!  Guess I will have to start potty training soon but we are off on our hols in 2 weeks so need to wait until after then.  Ds2 rushes to the phone when it rings and picks it up and presses buttons wildly saying "hello" and cuts off the caller.  He also removes his clothes in his cot at night and then won't go to sleep as he is cold or has wet the bed or both - have started to put his sleep suit on back to front (footless ones) so the zip is at the back which has worked  .  He wakes up between 4.30am and 6.30am no matter how late he goes to bed and when he is awake he calls out loudly for us to get up and start the day    Both dh and I are worn out and if he wakes up ds1 then ds1 is worn out for school and gets cranky.  I know it is a phase but it is a very difficult one - roll on next year!  My friend has twins and it put me off as well when I saw how hard it was trying to keep 2 littlies happy, clean and safe    

Magenta - hope your dd gets the help she needs.  Can't believe she is due to be starting school  - where does the time go


----------



## Ruthiebabe

hello,

it must be the season for terrible 2s.....boo2 is right in the middle of it. so he goes from being the cutest to the foulest in the blink of an eye. all good fun though!

for me its the earpiercing screeching when not getting his own way thats the worst. but his speech is coming along now so hopefully that will help.

am off to get my hair done, hope you lal have a lovely weekend,

xruth

PS congrat Viva!


----------



## wynnster

Oh defo terrible two's here yesterday too

when asked to pick something up or do anything yesterday DS raised his eyes and looked around the ceiling completely ignoring me   little monkey and then when we were having lunch at the dinner table yesterday he accidently dropped a piece of roll on the floor so i picked it up saying 'oh dear, you mustn't drop your food on the floor must you' with that he took his mouthful of roll from his mouth and dropped it on the floor saying 'time out'      

Although I think this behaviour yesterday was due to him staying at nannies last night for the first time so may continue for a few days, I hope leaving them gets easier I felt awful    We only did it for a practice for next weekend as DH and I are off to see Take That and my mum is having him then.  I've spoken to him this morning on the phone and he sounds fine and mum said he slept fine, it was just me leaving him that was awful, plus the fact I kept waking in the night thinking I could hear him crying  

Fab News Viva on your new arrival to the family, let us know how you all are and how Charlie and Lola have been, when you can of course I can imagine you're quite busy at the moment


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Wynnster, my brother and sil went to see Take That at Cardiff a couple of weeks back and said they were great.  My best friend also went to Cardiff and she said the same.  Look out for the mechanical elephant which is spectacular apparently.  I saw them in concert at B'ham a couple of years back when they reformed and they were fantastic then.  It is very strange when your child is not at home overnight.  Ds1 went on a school trip for a couple of nights and I just could not settle, hating the feeling that he was "missing".

Ruthiebabe - yes I get the earpiercing screeching/screaming as well.  The whole house echoes from it when ds2 goes off on one.  Ds2 talks very well so it is not that for us but the fact that he doesn't understand why he can't do something ie safety, it's tea time in a minute so he can't have a snack or we are going out in a minute so he can't do whatever - that sort of thing.  Also he hates having to wait for anything ie taking it in turns on the trampoline with ds1.  It is very wearing.  I am glad to see the back of him at bedtime most days and that is not a nice feeling having waited so long for his arrival.  His behaviour is good for weeks and then the tantrums begin again for a while.  At least I know it is a phase thank goodness!


----------



## superal

Hi all

I have just hijacked ritzi post but wanted to post on here as well..............................SWINE FLU.........................its going around as we all know.

All of us or most of us should have had the leaflet about swine flu and how to avoid it!

Our DD is recovering after nearly a week of being ill and the chances are she had swine flu.......................THE GOOD news is she is fine and on the way to full health.

The BAD news is the reaction of our local GP who was on call...................she would not come out and basically told us that DD "IF" she has it will fight it off herself and will over come it.  She would not come out and swab her and this is after my DH telling her that there were """ suspected cases of swine flu at their school

The school would not close and the school made the front of the local paper for all the wrong reasons.  The local paper said parents were keeping children away form school for fear of getting it when in truth I think a majority of who were off did have symptoms and most probably swine flu.

Its something we all worry about and fear the worse But our story is a happy one and DD is well!!

BUT pleas if any of your children display any symptom if your lucky enough to catch it with int the the first 48 hrs they should prescribe antibiotics.

Love
Andrea
x


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## Suzie

Andrea how worrying for you  I am glad she is getting over it now 

Stupid dr !  
X


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## vickym1984

BUT pleas if any of your children display any symptom if your lucky enough to catch it with int the the first 48 hrs they should prescribe antibiotics.


Sorry just a lurker, but I think this poster means anti virals, just wanted to clear it up

 Glad your DD is now recovering


----------



## superal

We did catch it in the first 24/48 hrs and the Dr still would not come out so my message is to push it.........having said that this was a sunday not as though that makes any difference But from the Monday any child's parent who rang up and said they were from that school got the drugs with out any question we were just unlucky and!


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Andrea, very sorry to hear that your dd has been so poorly and that your duty GP was no help.    Glad to hear that dd is on the mend now


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## cindyp

Andrea, how awful for you.  Glad to hear DD is on the mend.  

Cindy


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## cindyp

We've just had an After Adoption activity afternoon cancelled this afternoon because one of the staff has suspected swine flu.  My friend's baby was also diagnosed with it yesterday, as he is not one until next week he was prescribed Tamiflu which he seems to be responding to.  Fortunately he was not ill enough to be hospitalised just recommended home quarrantine.  It does make you really nervous of the slightest sniffle.

Well we are no longer suffering from the terrible two's with DD as we have progressed to the terrifying three's this week!!

Went to the toilet yesterday and returned to discover DD has developed a new skill.  She had got her step from the downstairs toilet and was sitting on the kitchen worktop, there was various kitchen implements on the floor, a box of weetabix, crumbled weetabix everywhere mixed with a whole tub of Andrews liver salts and a pink highlighter that had been on top of the microwave had been used to decorate the kitchen worktop.  After I got over the initial shock I had to laugh and take a photo because she looked so proud of her achievement .  DH and I had to do a serious rearrangement of our top kitchen cupboards. All this was after Saturday when she got hold of a new tube of foundation from my handbag and squeezed half of it over our lounge carpet to see what colour it was.  We are going to have to put in our first ever insurance claim as we can't get it out but as we have now decided that laminate would be a better option it might not be such a bad thing.

Never had any of these problems with DS but have come to realise that DD is a more adventurous kettle of fish.  She is also a lot lazier and would rather look at the Fifi skooter she requested for her birthday than actually ride it  

Hope the rest of you are enjoying the summer holidays.  

Cindy


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## Mummyof2

Hi CIndy, oh dear - troublesome threes have hit then    What a shock to find your kitchen in that state and the carpet.  At least you could see the funny side   My ds2 sounds just like your dd.  He has just perfected the art of climbing and I found him balanced on top of his playpen the other day so he will soon climb out of that.  Took him to the park yesterday and today and he kept running in front of the swings and almost got kicked in the head by the swingers    Oh the joys  

We had a flood in our house from our loo so are having extensive renovations/repairs done under our insurance claim.  Two weeks in and another week to go.  What a state the house is in


----------



## superal

PIGGIN swine flu....................my 11 month old niece now has it....luckily like me my sister knew what to look out for and she is fine...........in our area they will test children under 5 and adults over 65 for confirmed cases of swine flu.......seems a bit unfair.....as most of my DD school has now had symptoms of the swine flu.


On a different note.....................how your/our children grow up so quickly.....................my children are now 16 and nearly 9, our DS has put his application in to join the navy and our DD is talking about her 9th birthday party already and how she would like a disco!!

Hope every one is OK & I hope we get some decent weather soon!!

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Superal, sorry to hear about your little neice.  Hope she makes a speedy recovery.

Not thought what to do for ds1's 9th birthday party as it isn't until after Christmas but I am sure it will come round fast enough!  Hope your dd has a lovely party.  

Good choice of career by your ds.


----------



## cindyp

Ditto Andrea, piggin swine flu, DS has it.  Think DD may have had it first a week ago but her fever only lasted a day so we didn't click on.  As DS has had a fever for 48 hours, vomiting and diorrhea thought it best to phone.  Phoned the national helpline and he ticked most of the boxes to be prescribed Tamiflu unfortunately had to do a 40 mile round trip to get it as our nearest town does not have a stock.  I remember spotting a headline on the front page of our local newspaper where the MP was complaining about this not realising at the time that it would affect us directly  . 

Hoping he will make a swift recovery, it should last no longer than 5 days with children so hopefully we should see an improvement in the next 3 days.  We are supposed to be leaving on Friday for a week at the seaside in my parents caravan.  Unfortunately I am betting that DH or I will come down with it next, especially as my parents are in the caravan the week after us and have offered to come down a day early and babysit the kids whilst we have a romantic night in a hotel round the corner.

Keep your fingers crossed ladies, I would like to spend the night with DH for a change rather than one of the kids  

love
Cindy

PS Andrea, hope your neice has recovered?


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## cindyp

It gets better, doctor saw DS today because he had developed blisters.  He definitely has flu possibly swine flu, and he also has chickenpox.

Hooray!!


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Cindy, hope ds is well on the mend now.  Poor you and poor him    

On Tuesday it was a year since ds2 moved in so we all went out for a meal to celebrate our "Family Day".  ds2 too young to understand yet but we plan to do it every year to help him see adoption as a positive thing to be celebrated.  Apart from that, life is ticking along here.


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## wynnster

Oh Gosh Cindy   Poor little man    I hope he isn't suffering too bad and is soon on the road to recovery  

Mo2 - Your celebrations sound lovely, a great way to mark such a happy occassion - A year already ay


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## ritzi

cindy - sending   and get well soon! to ds......

ritz


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## cindyp

Thanks for the good wishes ladies.  DS is on the mend, fever gone, just dealing with multitude of itchy chickenpox spots.  Unfortunately have had to postpone our seaside holiday as unsurprisingly DD has also contracted chickenpox.  Fortunately my parents van is available later in the month and work were OK about me postponing my holiday so we will try going to the seaside in a couple of weeks.  DH works in a school so he's on his long break anyway.  Unfortunately I had to cancel the hotel  as my parents won't be able to provide the babysitting for my romantic night with DH later but to be honest I'd problably be too tired anyway  

Mo2 sounds like you had a lovely day, has it really been a year already?  We never celebrated moving in day as it was on my birthday.  We celebrated his adoption day the first year following Court but the next year didn't as the date is the same as DD's birthday and we decided it would be too confusing.

Hoping everyone is enjoying the break in the wet weather.

love
Cindy


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Cindy, very glad to hear that ds is on the mend.  Not surprising that dd has also got chicken pox now    Poor you and dh and poor them as well.  Sorry to hear you have had to postphone your holiday and cancel your night together    At least you are getting the chicken pox and swine flu out of the way.  ds1 was really poorly when he had chicken pox aged 5 so I am not looking forward to ds2 getting it in due course.  We've not had swine flu here ..... yet.  Both dh and I had the flu last Christmas and were really poorly for a few weeks with that so hoping swine flu will miss our household  

We are like you in that our adoption dates tie in with family dates.  Our adoption court date was 6 days before ds1's birthday so decided not to celebrate that day but do moving in day instead, although that is only 2 weeks before my birthday!  Strange how those important days tie in with existing family celebration days


----------



## superal

Well our DS went for his first part of his application form to join the navy yesterday and...............................failed the maths section by 2 points   gutted for him as I knew he wanted this so much BUT I have had to bite my tongue............ .......you know when you want to say something like your parents would have said to you..............If only you had concentrated more at school you would not have failed........so I kept quiet, didn't want to turn into my mum!!!

Anyway he can reapply in 12 months time and in the mean time has collague to fall back on to and to our surprise he has also enrolled to do a maths course.....................so it is true what your parents say about sticking at it and working hard....i am sure he will do it next time.

Hope every one is OK
Love
Andrea
x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi, what a shame for your ds but at least he can reapply next year.  Very sensible he is enrolling on a maths course too.  I am sure the next 12 months will fly by.


----------



## wynnster

Oh Andrea how gutted he must be bless him   2 little points out    Fab that he has taken a very adult decision and enrolled in a maths course - you must be so very proud of him    (and well done for keeping     )

xxx


----------



## Ruthiebabe

stressy email coming.....sorry!

today is boo2's  court date. and we found out a couple of weeks ago that his BM is contesting it. she is doing well but has a new baby and living in a supported halfway house for addicts. so the SWs were not at all worried about the court supporting her. So today when i phoned our SW to see how it went she didn't even know it was on today. then said, oh but nobody goes to this one, its just an admin thing. so i reminded her that the bm goes if they want to contest it, which she didn't know. It also doesn't seem like Boo2s SW went either and neither of them know when or how we'll hear how it went. 

before BM decided to contest this date was just supposed to be where the adoption got rubberstamped and they then set a date for the adoption ceremony when we go in to court.

am i wrong to be stressed.....why are SWs so crap sometimes?? I know they're busy but am i being harsh?

anyone any experience of this and how the court dates usually work.....it was different with boo1 cos he was in the old system and had a freeing order already.

xxruthie


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## wynnster

Sending PM hun


----------



## Suzie

Ruthie 

So you dont even know if BM went and contested it? If she didnt or wasnt given leave to appeal then the judge should have given date for final hearing! I cant believe neither sw went! You need to call your sw again in the morning and get her to find out from the courts what happened. It is not ok for them not to keep you updated! 
C's bm said she was going to contest and in reality she didnt go to the court on either court day she could have

I hope tomorrow you get some news  
If you have any other court questions please pm me and I will try and help if I can

xx


----------



## Moppit

Hello Ladies

I am a regular poster on the Adoption Virgins thread and only occasionally lurk on here to see all your wonderful stories about what it feels like when the process is over and you finally have a child.  I wanted to ask a question which I thought you ladies might be able to answer.

DH and I are currently mid way through our HS which seems to be going well. We get on well with our SW and find the sessions both useful and insightful. One of the things that hasnt really been discussed with us in depth yet is the matching process and most specifically what age group of child we are likely to be put forward for.

I wanted to ask you as successful adopters whether you know how the matching process works, how much of it is to do with what you have set out you think you can cope with and how much of it is about what the SW who assesses you decides you can cope with based on the discussions in the HS. I'm guessing that almost all prospective adopters would in an ideal world like as young as child as possible. Since these children are few and far between how do they decide who should be put forward for them? Is it the case where all parents currently approved within the borough get put forward for every child or does the SW only put peopel forward for certain children.

We will definately ask these questions of our SW when we see her at our next session but I was really interested to get your views since you have been through this. I am cautious about being too direct or firm in terms of what we believe we could deal with both in terms of age and behaviours but at the same time I would hate our SW to think that if a young child did come up we wouldnt be interested. We are also currently mulling over the single child vs siblings debate and again I'm concerned that if we say siblings we will not be put forward for 1 whereas I feel that age is more important than single or siblings when it comes to priorities.

I realise this all sounds a bit confused and I also realise it could come accross that I am suggesting that we would only 'want' a very young child. I promise this isnt the case, we totally understand and are realistic about adoption but now we are getting some way into the process we realise that we need to be very honest with ourselves and the SW to make sure a placement is successful.

All advice much appreciated!

Moppit x


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Moppit

Other than the 'we are interested in pre-school siblings' at the very start of the process we didn't discuss our age groups or number really until the end of homestudy when we filled in the matching proforma with our SW.  At this point we decided to go for 0-4yrs instead of 0-5yrs and, as we wanted to be considered for single children as well as siblings, we asked for the recommendation to be 1 or 2 children.  Our LA dont look at this until the end as your ideas about matches can change during HS.  The narrower the age range the longer it could take to get a match, again if you specify only boys or only girls.

Every LA is different but ours had linking meetings for children where all the SWs got together and discussed a single child (or sibling group) and then looked at the prospective approved adopters they had on the books waiting.  At this time they try to give the children's team 3 or 4 Form Fs (or whatever they are now) and then the children's team decide who they want to meet with the view of them becoming the parents.  Our LA don't do competitive matching but some do and they will want to see 2 or more couples before deciding who to go with.  As soon as our LA has a decision from the LAC team, the child's cpr is sent to the couple chosen and then meetings take place, firstly with your own SW and then with the LAC SW if you decide to go forward.  We were given a potential panel date at this time but others I know have had to wait up to a week for a call to say whether they are going forward or not.

All agencies vary on practically everything so it would be good to find out from your SW at the end of HS unless its really bugging you and you need to know now.

Don't feel you have to accept older children because that is what they are pushing, if you want pre-school or to say 0-2yrs or whatever, stick to your guns.  You may have a longer wait or you may not - tbh, everyone I know has adopted pre-school children and not had too long a wait after approval.  

Good luck
OT x


----------



## Moppit

Thanks so much OT. This is fantastic information and absolutely what I wanted to understand. Its so easy to over analyse everything int he HS and wonder if you shoudl have said something different in each session but I'm comforted by the fact that we will have an opportunity to discuss all of our feelings aroudn the profile of a child or children at the end and that no decisions will be made by the SW until that point.

If any of the other ladies on here have an opinion I'd also be interested in other experiences.

Mx


----------



## Tibbelt

Ruthiebabe -   to your SW's! that's a disgrace that you haven't been kept up to date with exactly what's happening! for waht it's worth we've had ready problems with our court process due to the incompetencies of our SW's too and i've had to hit the roof on more than one occasion to get things done - it's worked though in the end so might be worth being a little firm with them and demanding some answers? What a worrying time this must be for you honey, am sending big big    

Andrea - oh your poor DS, seems so unfair for a couple of points! But you must be very proud of him for the way he's handling it   - next year will be here before he knows it!

Moppit - have pm'd you honey xx

CindyP - how are you all doing honey? hope everyone is on the mend!  

MJ, Wynster, OT, Suzie, Mummyof2 - HEllo!  hope oyu and yours are all well.

2 bits of news from us - 1. We have officially been potty training since last Sunday and our girls are doing really well - great with no pants on, and only the occasional accident when in pants! No ventured out of the house yet though.... going to a restaurant with friends tomorrow so might be a coward and use pullups... feel llike an accident wouldn't be fair on anyone!

second bit of news is that the court yesterday decreed that our adoption order should be granted! Feels just fantastic we are on   ! It couldn't be granted yesterday because we weren't allowed to attend but fingers crossed we shuold get a date soon! I don't think I'd quite realised how big a deal this was for us, after all we already feel like a family but it really is just fab to know that it will all be official soon (and that all the SW's will be gone from our lives!! Nothing against them just bit fed up of them being around even though it's not often now, I want to be able to use DH's days off for family trips not for reviews where everyone just sits there saying, haven't they grown, aren't they doing well.... seems like a waste of everyone's time!)

anyway - better go and see what my monkeys are up to! DH has got the day off as he's going away tomorrow for a few days (I've been promised a spa weekend in return!) and I can hear lots of giggling and squealing!!

lots of love to you all
S
xxxx


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## Ruthiebabe

still no definate news....dh phoned SW (he's the firmer one) to find Boo2s SW is on holidays. so he spoke to her bosses PA. who assured him that its normal for noone to go to the first hearing, that it is just an admin thing where dates are set. so i guess its yet another difference between areas.....just wish we'd known in advance. so we  now have to wait for a letter from the courts to see if BM showed up, and if so what dates have been set for the next stage.

thanks for the msgs of support,
xxruthie


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi ruthie, Neither sw went to the court date so exactly the same lack of information happened to us and we didn't know if bm had gone to contest or not.  Eventually I rang the court and asked them and admin said that bm hadn't contested as far as could be seen on the paperwork and adoption ceremony was being arranged for us to attend.  I was told by the court that in 10 years in our area no bm had never succeeded in contesting at this late stage which put my mind at rest.   Hope it does the same for you    When I pursued sw about why no information had been given to us re bm and possible contestion, I was told that bm would have to have a very good reason for contesting at this late stage and would have to pursuade a solicitor to act for her regarding this new reason.  All turned out fine for us and bm didn't contest.


----------



## cindyp

Ruthie, I hope this gets sorted out for you soon.  DS's BM turned up at Court to contest but obviously did not succeed but we knew in advance that she was planning to contest and it was a very worrying time for us.  Sometimes I think adopters are at the bottom of the list where the SW's are concerned  

Andrea, poor DS and poor you, it's so hard when you want everything for your children and you see them disappointed.  However well done him for picking himself up and going again he's obviously a credit to you all.

Tibbelt, congratulations on the Adoptiion Order news, it is great to get that final hurdle crossed.   

Well our quarrantine is over, thankfully.  Poor DS was covered head to toe in spots but DD only had 4.  If DS didn't have it I would never have realised she had chicken pox.  DS's spots are healing well and should be gone in a couple of days.  As those whose children have had chickenpox will know the worst thing was at the end when they felt well but were still contagious and acting up because I couldn't take them out.  Just hoping that the good weather doesn't disappear when we try our seaside holiday again next weekend.  Mum has mentioned possibly coming down and joining us for a day so maybe DH and I will still get a romantic evening after all 

I really should be going to bed now but I think I've eaten too much choccie as I'm feeling rather wired   

Cindy


----------



## AnneS

Hi everyone,

I have a quick question, which I assume is best asked here, but please do point me to another thread, if i am worng.
You can read our history in my signature. At the moment we are taking time out to heal. However, adoption was always on our mind (my sister is adopted). At the moment we are considering getting a dog because we always wanted one, but lived in a flat that was simply unsuitable. 
The question is: should we wait with getting a dog in case we want to adopt? Does having a dog matter when applying for adoption? Is it seen as unsuitable for children? I should say that DH had a dog as a child up until he was 16-ish. He is very good with them and this dog would be well behaved and well brought up (or else  ).
My goodness, this sounds far too obsessed  . But your thoughts would be much appreciated.

CA


----------



## Suzie

Hi 

I am sorry to read your signature  

I have a 9 month old puppy and we just adopted ( in May) our foster child. All LA's are different and it should not make any difference if you have a dog if you want to adopt. 
What I will say is that having a puppy and a toddler has been very hard work! and even though I love Monty to bits I would have maybe waited even another year until C is nearly 5 before getting a dog.
I guess it depends on how soon you are going to be thinking about starting the adoption process as if you get a dog and dont start for a good few months then the dog has time to settle 

I am sure some of the others who have dogs and have adopted can give you some advice 
x


----------



## Guest

We considered getting a dog first and asked if it would be a problem and were told no - if anything being a good pet owner is a positive.  The one potential negative would be if you chose a less suitable breed (SBT etc).  We chose not to - more for practical reasons though as I was at college almost full time.  

As it is we are now looking for a dog - our children have now been with us nearly 18 months and we've practised by dogsitting a few times for our neighbours and my parents.  The kids are 9,7 and 6.  

Certainly they seem to respond well to the dogs we've borrowed, especially DS who struggles with self confidence.  

The process takes a while so I'd say either get one soon so the dog is well settled before the children arrive, or leave it for a year or so after placement.  

Bop


----------



## wynnster

Hi Anne

I am so very sorry to read your signature too  

Our Jack Russell was such a companion during the lowest points of our journey, just having my fur baby to curl up with meant the world to me and she did not affect our adopting at all, we had to complete a questionnaire for her and our cats though. 

However, I would also agree with Suzie how demanding having a (very energetic) dog and a (very energetic) toddler is    We made a very hard decision in the end as it was far too hard for me to cope with them both and obviously our son had to come first so our much loved pooch has gone to live with Nanny for a few years until Munchkin is a few years older    We still see her lots and she is actually living the life of luxury

Take care of yourselves


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi, I have 3 cats, a border collie, birds and fish.  None of this was raised as an issue re adoption but was seen as a positive as a child might not be able to love you straightaway but would hopefully love a pet sooner.  A negative for children who are asthmatic though.  As your sw will come to your house regularly during your home study she/he will meet the dog/pet and judge what temperament the pet has.  If there is any doubt about its friendliness then you will be asked to get a vet's report at your cost (about £50 I think).

I am very very sad for your terrible loss.  I lost twins at 10 weeks gestation and that broke my heart so your loss at so late a stage is dreadful.  Don't rush into adoption as you will need time to grieve.  When you are ready to look at adoption (if you decide this route) sadly there are quite a few sets of twins who come up for adoption so perhaps you might choose this path one day.  Huge huge


----------



## AnneS

Hello again,

thank you so much for your detailed responses. I think it is because we do not want to rush into adoption that the idea to get a dog has come to us again. We think it would be a very positive thing for us to have a pet. We are grieving and it would be nice to have a pet to care for and which cares for us. And probably keeps us on our toes and awake all night ...  - possibly good practice for having a child  . 
My sister is adopted and I have spoken to her (way before our last treatment in fact) about adoption. We did not act on it as Dh and I knew we wanted to try one more treatment and we did not think that you should really do these things parallel (treatment and adoption). By this I mean not even think about it at the same time. It takes so much energy and commitment to do one or the other and causes stress and I firmly believe in trying to keep stress reduced so that you can be yourself and not loose yourself in all this. Does that make sense??
This seems such a positive board. I love reading your stories. I would love to ask more questions, but I think I might lieve it for a while and try to get on with life and healing. I am worried about getting too old for all this, but even that worry has to wait for now.

Take care and thanks again!!!.

CA


----------



## wynnster

Hi CA

Very wise words    

Have fun in choosing your fur baby  

xxx


----------



## AnneS

Hi Carebear,

thanks for sharing with me, so sorry to read that you too had to go through loosing your twins. I just got an appointment through to see the bereavement counselor at my clinic, let's see what that will be like ...
Nice to hear that you are a mummy now!!

Take care!!  

CA


----------



## Spuds

Dear Mums and Mums to be

I wonder if you can help ? Sorry for barging in - hope you can put up with me 

I'm nearly 40 and had first IVF in May this year which failed - it really knocked the stuffing out of me more than expected - I know I need to do another one before Christmas and if I'm lucky - may get a third in but it is doubtful because of ovarian reserve etc - then there's donor egg to go through possibly next year - but what is really worrying me is that time is ticking and I really dont want to jeopardise any chance I have of adoption if I leave things.

Ive done a bit of research and my councils website suggests leaving it until 6 months after your last fertility treatment before you start the adoption process - I can understand the logic of that but I'm worried my age will start to go against me ? 

My DH is nearly 48  (10 mentally ) - and I'm 40 in April next year.

Does anyone have any pearls of wisdom on what to do ? In an ideal world because of my age I'd kind of want to do both at the same time or at least start the adoption process but not sure the social workers would agree with this approach for the sake of the children which I can understand but feel Im stuck in a catch 22........

On top of this 'limbo' - I want to move to the country for our currently invisible families sake - but dont know whether I should because presumably you need to be settled in a council area for a period of time whilst any adoption process goes on.....blimey Im confusing myself !!

Anyway - again - sorry to butt in but if anyone can pass on a bit of wisdom in this direction I'd really appreciate it.

Many many thanks ladies - good luck and love to all 

Jerseyspuds 
xxxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi, my husband and I are the same ages as you more or less but the other way around ie I am older than him.  We adopted an 18 month old child so age didn't go against us.  They do like a 42 year age gap maximum between child and main carer usually but that is not a hard and fast rule.  Most councils like a 6-12 month gap after fertility treatment to come to terms with the fact that an adopted child is not a biological child and your infertility.  Not all councils ask for this though so it depends on who your local council is.  Why not contact a few and ask for literature about adopting.  They also like you to prove that you have a good support network of friends and family around you who can step in to help and that you have been in your house for at least 6 months and are not planning to move again for a while as children need stability when they are placed with you.  Councils also like you to show where your nearest GP is and swingpark, school, swimming pool etc ie child friendly places so it wouldn't be a good idea to choose somewhere too isolated.  Good luck.


----------



## Spuds

Hi Mummyof2

Many thanks for your message - really really helpful and very encouraging - thank you.

Didnt think I could go to more then one council for a start !! - will do a bit more research and see how it all fits - also helpful to get my head around the timing of any move - its so important to get the security right - I think it may be good to get to where we want to live - make sure we have the right things around us for our family and get the support in place - a bit of nesting hey   - on the other side of the coin we have all the support we could hope for where we live - but its SE london and really want to get out of London etc - hmmm - stuff to think about )

Thanks again for getting back to me so quickly and sharing your wisdom & experience and a big thank you from my DH who I have been driving mad with all these questions ) xx

Spuds 
xxx


----------



## Mummyof2

http://www.baaf.org.uk/agency_db/noflash_textonly/frameset_noflash.htm

Hi, glad to have been on help. Here is a list of the agencies that cover your area. You can go to any agency but it is usual to be within 25 miles so you can easily visit and so your social worker can easily visit you for the home study.

Best wishes whatever you decide.

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


----------



## superal

Morning all...I think its morning! 

Well I spent 4 hours in A&E with our DD last night........she is OK BUT in a lot of pain.......a little girl ran into her whilst she was playing out...accidents happen.

The problem was she hit our DD with her push bike right on her knee cap and it swelled up like a balloon.  Unfortunately our DD can do no sport or ride her bike for a week which is really hard for  a little girl to understand especially as she has a brand new bike in the garage which she had for her birthday on Monday.

Hope every one is OK.

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## Camly

superal - hope ur little girl is ok and the time goes quickly so she can get on her new bike.    x x x x


----------



## wynnster

Superal 

So sorry to hear about DD   How frustrating for her not to be able to ride her new bike.  Hope she recovers soon, has she got to go back to the hospital?

Hope you've caught up on your sleep


----------



## superal

Hi

YES DD has to go back to the review clinic in a weeks time to double check every thing is OK BUT looking at her today I would say it is!!!

Bless her she has been ever so brave, she has a wonderful tyre print on her knee from the push bike...............even after getting the rubber off her leg you can still see the in-print so it just shows at how hard of an impact she received.

Thankyou for your messages enquiring how she is.

Have an enjoyable sunday and enjoy the nice wether is you have any??

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Andrea, huge hugs to you and dd.  What a time you are having with the kids lately


----------



## Ruthiebabe

hi,

sorry i haven't been on here for ages....life is vvv busy. as well as the 2 biys we decided to gt a puppy....springer spaniel, and i am not joking when i say he's more work than both boys....v cute though!

puppy and Boo2 are best buddies, going everywhere together, have soem great photos of them both cuddled up in the dogs bed.

we have our next court date in a couple of weeks to see if the courts are going to allow Boo2s BM to be reconsidered. its a bit worrying, but the SWs aren't at all. wish i had more faith in them and their opinions!! i'll let you know how it goes.

better get back to work,
xxruthie


----------



## Suzie

Ruthie I got a working cocker spaniel puppy 9 months ago and I totally agree he is more work


----------



## Old Timer

Aaahhhhh!  I grew up with cocker spaniels, Mum and Dad got the first one when I was 3yrs old and we bred from her, was so sad to see the pups go 

DS keeps on about a dog and when I say 'but we have 2 cats' he says 'well when they have gone up to the sky we can have a dog', sweet but   I'll be heartbroken when my cats go.  Am hoping my Mum will get another cocker when she retires in a couple of years time and that will be enough for him.

They are such hard work but so lovely.
OT x


----------



## Suzie

OT I have 2 cats also  Must be mad!


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi, I have another mad breed of dog - border collie - oh and *3* cats  Also 5 canaries and 24 tropical fish - kids love them all.


----------



## Old Timer

I have no excuse really as I grew up with dogs, cats and hamsters at the same time but I also know all the work will be down to me on top of everything else just as it would if we had a rabbit, gold fish etc etc and I have enough to do!  If I wasn't having to work I may re-consider but then theres all the extra cost and the kennel bill if you want to go away.......

My neice and nephew loved their guinea pigs so much that they hadn't even notice they'd gone in over 3 weeks!  It was their Mum that had had to feed and clean them and the kids are 9 and 12! 

OT x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi OT, Fish are supposed to be ds1 pets but I have to keep badgering him to feed them and clean them out.  Ds1 feeds the dog and cats as part of his pocket money jobs but I have to make sure he does it as he forgets so pets are my responsibility really.  DH doesn't like pets but knows I do so puts up with them so he doesn't do much to help out with them, although he clears the lawn of the dog's presents - moaning bitterly


----------



## superal

Hi all

feel sad witting this under the wonderful posts you have all written about your pets and children BUT wanted to post our sad news...........our beloved dog died on Thursday.......................we lost his pal 3 years ago so he did bvery well to live this long.

For most of us our furbabies are with us before our children so to loose one is heart breaking.

I think of the wonderful times we had with both of our dogs and how we proved DS foster Mum wrong that our DS would not like such big dogs....Labradors!.......................Our DS loved them both and they loved him and then of course along DD...........and they loved her and she loved them back just the same.

Thank you to a very special lady on here who knows who she is for sending me the book to read to DD it came this morning and I shall help her to read and understand it and it means so much that you took the time and trouble to do it for her and me!!

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## Suzie

ohhh Andrea  I am so sorry to hear the sad news of your dogs passing 

Lots and lots of  to you all
xxx


----------



## Old Timer

Oh Andrea & Family  

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, you are so right about how much our pets come to mean to us and how painful it is to lose them.

Thinking of you all at this very sad time.

OT x


----------



## Mummyof2

Huge hugs to you Andrea and your family at the very sad loss of your beloved special dog


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi Andrea,

so sorry to hear about your dog....already think we'd all be devastated if anything happened to our pup.

life is all going great, Boo2 and pup are like twins....they ate half a packet of puppy treats between them the other day....made for some interesting nappies!

we have our next court date this week. according to our SW the judge will either throw Boo2's BM's appeal out and set a date for the adoption ceremony, OR accept her appeal and noone knows what happens then.....but as our Sw isnt going we have to wait for a letter from the court a week later to hear what the judge decides! they seems quite confident it will be the first option, but i'd still like to know straight away and not have to wait a week.

anyway keep all your fingers and toes crossed for us, the court date is also the date of my mum's anniversary, so hopefully she can use some angel magic for us!!

better get back to it,

xxruthie


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Not having a good day today  Court case postponed cos BMs solicitor was sick. Another 4 weeks to wait now! So much for angels! Sorry am feeling v sorry for myself, mums anniversary, pmt and teething baby! A truely rubbish day!


----------



## Mummyof2

Ruthie -   to you.  Not much I can say to make you feel better so I will just send you a big


----------



## ritzi

ruthie - hugs to you  

ritz


----------



## Ruthiebabe

hey, thanks for the hugs. 

am feeling much better today! i put boo2 in an ireland rugby shirt today which he loves, and had DH asking me was i "******* on lamposts" marking him out as my territory.....hadn't thought of anything at all, but maybe my subconcious was working there lol!

will let you know if i hear anymore,
xxruthie


----------



## superal

hi ruthie

I have also had one of those days...PMt.tick...........feeling sick...tick......been sick...tick and then to top it all DS walking out of our house again!!!!!!

He is back now but boy I know how you feel when everything just gets to you!!


----------



## Moppit

Dear Lovely Adoptive Parents

I'm a regular on the adoptive virgins thread becasue I'm mid way through the HS. I sometimes post on here and you have, in the past, been really helpful.

I am feeling incredibly low and anxious today and wondered if anyone has any insights from their own experience they can share.

Spoke to our social worker this morning and she really worried me by saying that she wants to do an extra referee visit with my brother. I have a difficult family situation in that, sadly, my parents and my brother and his wife are estranged. I've been totally open about this from the start of the HS and we've covered it at length and our SW has always said that she thought I have dealt with the situation very well and that it is good that I have managed to maintain a relationship with both sides but now she is saying that she is very concerned about it because of the potential impact on a child. By this I think she means the possiblity of my parents rejecting an adopted child in the same way as they rejected my brother because he did not meet their expectations in terms of who he chose to marry and the life choices he made. I do understand this and I know that of course, the needs of the child come first, but so terrified that this is going to mean we are rejected. Until now everything in the HS has been postive and I had dared to start to believe that this would really happen but now, today, I feel that there is a chance we might be rejected for something that is wholly out of my control and that I did not do. 

she wants to meet my brother to give his side of the story and I know that he will paint a very black picture of my parents for understandable reasons and that this will only make the SW even more worried.

I am devastated that this could stand in the way of us being approved.

Has anyone out there had issues with their family that the SW has latched on to. How did you deal with it?

I want to believe that noone is perfect and many adoptive families have 'skeletons' that the SW have to explore but this seems so negative that I am so worried that its goign to effect our success at panel and beyond.


Love

Moppit x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Moppit, sorry can't help you with this as no experience personally but I seem to remember that someone on this board had similar problems with an uncle but all was well in the end and the adoption proceeded.    to you.  What you have to remember is that it has taken a lot of money in the terms of man hours to get you to this point and you have been upfront every step of the way so I would very much doubt that you would be excluded from adopting, especially if you can show that you have a very good support network still, if your parents were out of the picture.   It is only fair they speak to your brother too I guess as it sounds like he has a strong viewpoint re your parents but ultimately it is not your parents who are adopting a child but you so your parents attitude to your brother shouldn't affect you adopting in my opinion.  When I first told my parents I was going to adopt my mum laughed thinking it was a joke    Once they got their head around it they were supportive and now love ds2 (and ds1) to bits so your parents attitude now isn't necessarily the one they will have when your little one/s comes along anyway.  Fingers crossed all will be well for you.


----------



## wynnster

Hi Moppit,

Again no personal experience of family problems but just wanted to ask if you've mentioned your concerns with your SW?  WHen you get to approval panel it is not only you who maybe asked questions but your SW so maybe she is just being thorough so she knows it all in her head herself ?  Also like you say they may be worried that your parents may reject your child as they have your brother, but they would also need to know that IF that did happen then you would obviously put your child first.

I'm sure your brother is understanding of how difficult a situation this is for you and wouldn't put you in it, so to speak.

What an awful position to be in  

Easier said than done but try not to worry


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi,

moppit, I'm sure it won't be something that will cause your application to fail, especially if you handled it so well. Its probably the social worker just making sure all the boxes are ticked.

We have some good news....the judge turned down Boo2s BM's appeal to be reassessed. Said Boo2 was too settled and developing so well with us that he couldnt justify moving him again....big relief! Bm has 2 weeks to appeal, which may delay things further, but shouldn't hopefully affect the result. Thanks for all your words of support! They were very helpful!

xxruthie


----------



## Old Timer

Ruthie

Thats great news hun, hope things go through smoothly now for you.

OT x


----------



## Mummyof2

ruthie - great news for you and your family.


----------



## Ruthiebabe

hiya,

finally have our ceremony day booked.....it was delayed again cos the judge "forgot" to make the adoption order after the last hearing!! Anyways its on the day the 3 wise men brought gifts to the stable....so very apt really! Looking forward to it! Just wanted to let you know!

xxruthie


----------



## Mummyof2

Huge congratulations Ruthie        Hope you have a lovely day


----------



## Old Timer

Congrats Ruthie!!!

OT x


----------



## wynnster

Congratulations Hun


----------



## everhopeful

Just having a moan really! Sorry to get everyone's hopes up that someone nice and jolly had re-ignited this thread... alas not!!  

Infact I must apologise to all those people who know me on ******** whom I may have offended with my status this morning  
And also that Ive just ranted on there about not being able to access this forum using my phone (my new toy!), and it usually takes an hour to load this bloomin' computer up so I am happy to find that it's already set up and running so Im straight on here tonight! So a slightly happier bunny than when I initially tried to log in downstairs on my mobile phone!

So here goes... my 6yr old (Missboo) has come close to driving me to distraction during these holidays with her attitude and answering back. Hubbie has been at work for the majority of it so far, so flying solo with 2 little devils can be tough going. This morning, Missboo had soaked her bed, and I mean soaked   and she hasn't done that since she was training. I remained calm but puzzled, and seething inside at the sheer inconvenience of having to wash bedding again when I'd only changed it yesterday. Anyway that wasn't going to spoil my day, I'd woken up feeling very positive. After breakfast both girls had disappeared into Missboo's room to play, lovely I thought, chance to have a tidy round in peace and a quiet cuppa! When I went up there, Babyroo was on the floor with every single book from the bookcase surrounding her and all the soft toys from the shelf (which Babyroo cannot reach) also on the floor, so basicially it was trashed within 15 minutes or so. But the big bugbear (it that how you spell it??) was Missboo under her duvet, pulling at the mattress protecter under her sheet and ripping bits off it   

That was it, Babyroo was banished, and Miss Boo had to stay in her room until everything was put back where it belonged and all the shredded bits on the bed and carpet were collected up. An hour or so later, the girls were dressed and I was sorting myself out for a trip down to the shops and after saying Missboo's room was out of bounds, the girls agreed to amuse themselves for literally 2 minutes in Babyroo's room until time to leave. I heard what I assumed to be Babyroo knocking on her radiator so I went in and found Missboo stood ontop of the toy dressing table, swaying it back and forth so it was hitting the radiator  
AAAARGHHHHHHH!
As you can imagine my morning wasn't quite going to plan... and then the shops. Well we only had to visit the chemist and then the post office, and aswell as the usual "can i have?" s and the wandering around and inability to stand still next to the till sagas, Babyroo started this morning with having major tantrums each time I put her in the car. You'll all know the scenario... body stiffens up and they scream their absolute loudest, just so that people around think you've abducted them??!

So, when I was home again, and relieved to have arrived home unscathed... I posted a comment on my ******** about when my DD had commented to me "Oh Mummy, it's so windy, it;s just like in Wizard of Oz" and I'd said that'd be a great shame if the wind lifted you up like Dorothy and took you away....
It was meant in jest, I posted on my ******** page because I presumed every mum in the land would see my point of view.
CLEARLY NOT!!  

Firstly one "friend" posted "that's a little harsh" and then another (which Ive since deleted) posted something like "I agree, a little harsh. I know it can be hard at times, but I would never wish my children to fly away. Send them to us for an hour or so for a break"

I did take (and still do) offense to this comment, maybe I'm being too sensitive. But this is a close friend of my husbands and we've known them years. 
I wanted to reply and say "why, would you care and love my children more than me? If you're more able to cope, then come and get them".
I didn't bite, I just deleted his message.

But I read my wall post to my husband when he got home, and he said "well I'd have thought any parent with any number of children, must say at least once in their lifetimes , If only they could disappear for a while.... are we so wrong in saying this outloud

Happily I can say that my best friend posted a more undertanding comment after that, that has cheered me up. 

But it did make me feel as though perhaps people who know we adopted our children perceive our love and bond to be less than theirs with their children. I don't know.

Was my jokey comment too harsh? Did I offend anyone here?

Perhaps I should stop posting any wall messages about my feelings on ********, clearly can be misunderstood!
xx


----------



## Boggy

Hi Ever

 Sounds like you've had a rough day.  I know how hard it can be, ignore the silly comments of others all that matters is you and the children.    I wouldn't have been offended reading on ******** what you wrote - sometimes we make comments like yours but it's just a coping strategy or a bit of humour to help us through the day. Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

I can't access FF on my new phone either - driving me mad! 

Bx


----------



## everhopeful

Thanks Boggy


----------



## Camly

hiya ever

firstly    for having such a c&ap  day.  it sometimes goes like that doesnt it? bad...to worse!  as for ur ** comment - i dont think its offensive either. folk who know u who are obviously friends should clearly knew ur sense of humour etc.  put it out ur head and dont worry about it.  if u cant post a comment like that with friends reading then..... grrrrrrr.....

sit down and have some chocolate (or a much deserved glass of vino).  

i know that i sometimes feel bad when saying things like 'the girls are driving me nuts today', 'arrghghghhh wish they would just do as they are told for once', if only i could have 5 mins to myself without any whinging' etc etc, that i feel guilty as i have wanted to be a mummy for so long, but then i think we have to think of it as 'we are only blinking normal'! why do birth parents only have the right to moan?  

chin up my sweet and hope tomorrow is a better day.  

lots of love camly x x x x x


----------



## everhopeful

Thanks Camly

I am in the progress of reducing who can comment on my wall and who can see it at all!!

I didn't actually realise you could do that until I tried to have a nosey on a "friends" wall and found I could see everything but her wall!

Im sure I'll have a better day tomorrow all round really as it's hubbie's day off too, so lots of added support!

Thanks girls x


----------



## Camly

no worries.  each day can be tough enough without having support from friends.  here's hoping tomoroww is a good 'un!    my dh had to have a little chat with our eldest on monday about her behaviour etc.  so far so good....but again, we will see what tomorrow brings.  

sweet dreams x x


----------



## wynnster

Oh dear sorry you've had a bad day Ever  

Ignore those silly 'friends' on **   

Heres hoping for a better day for you tomorrow   and yes I agree get out the vino

Ps - Just about to log on to **


----------



## superal

Hi Ever

Been there done that and got the t-shirt!!

You are not alone in feeling the way you do sometimes our children do things to drive us to dispair and believe me are children are human and no different from anyone else's children.

I would just ignore the silly comments you have received and take comfort in knowing that at some point in our lives we have all said things and that we to are human.

  to your friends who posted the silly comments.

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## magenta

Just wanted to send hugs. 

Hope you got some tea/wine/gin and chocolate at the end of the day to help you de-stress.

Magenta x


----------



## Camly

hiya ever

was today any better?  hope so.    x x x


----------



## everhopeful

Thanks for asking  

It has been easier thankyou. Hubbie's day off, although he's been ill so on the sofa all day. So rather than a family trip around the supermarket, it was just me and Missboo. She was remarkably well behaved and helpful and I was so happy with her by lunchtime. And she knew it. This afternoon though, the later it's got, the cheekier she's got with it. An answer for absolutely everything. And arguing...oh my word, I have no idea where this comes from because me and hubbie never argue. But she'll ask me a question and then argue that my answer isn't right.   So I've told her that if she's going to argue that mummy's wrong each time, then don't bother asking me anything. 

Well, the first one is about to go to bed, great big sigh coming    !!

And Missboo has been told that Ive already rang Nanna to tell her about her attitude and if it remains the same until bed, then the trip to cinema tomorrow is OFF!! (haven't really rang her, but will text her in a while to warn her about the story just incase little miss mentions it, which knowing her, she will!!)

And in 15 minutes she'll be in her bed too... oh complete bliss!!

So, yes, much better today compared to yesterday at least!!
Now the task of watching 2 discs of photos once she's in bed. My last camera card kept filling up in no time and I never got round to having any printed. Well while she's out with Nanna tomorrow, I'll be getting some, if not all, of them printed, and especially need to choose 2 suitable pics for letterbox 
Oh yes that time of year is fast approaching again. 
Oh joy!!

I hope that everyone else has survived another school-free day unscathed!!
xx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Ever -   to you.  Yes we have all been there.  Went on a family day out to the seaside yesterday and coming home along M5, my car broke down.  Parked it on hard shoulder and stood at the side of the road on the grass verge watching the lorries and cars thundering past.  Very scary.

DH rang Autoaid rescue but they needed to know exactly where we were - what junction - so dh had to walk up the motorway hard shoulder until he came to an emergency phone.  He rang the Highways Agency who told him where we were so he could ring Autoaid back.  Highways Agency came out and checked we were safely parked and out of the vehicle and standing in a safe place.  They said we were so drove off.  Autoaid came to rescue us after an hour.  Turned out Cam belt had broken so we had to be towed home.  Got in at 9pm.  My Scenic taken off to Nationwide Autocentre this morning.  Should get it back in a week.  Quoted £1200 to mend it (best case scenario).  Another garage quoted £2115 to mend it (worse case scenario).  

Both boys got bored during the hour long roadside vigil.  DS1 began running back and forth like a maniac.  When asked what was he doing he said he was bored.  When forbidden to keep running in case he tumbled headlong into the path of the traffic he got very cross and stroppy.  DS2 was strapped in his buggy.  He got very cross that he wasn't allowed out.  After a while he said he needed to have a wee but I was too scared to get him out for a wee in case he got away from me and ran into the path of the traffic so he had to sit in his pull ups which then flooded.  By the time we got home his buggy, car seat and trousers were soaked.

Our dog had pooed in the house by the back door as he had been left shut in for so long so dh had to use the carpet cleaner when we got in. 

A friend came here with her son today.  They came about 11.30 and left about 2pm.  Her ds and my ds1 played on the xbox and had a whale of a time.  DS2 kept asking my friend to lift him up, cuddled her legs about 3 times, stroked her face and said aah a few times and then said "You're my mummy aren't you" to her.  Friend looked a bit embarrassed and said no that is your mummy there. DS2 wouldn't go to sleep for ages as he has been hyper today.  He has eventually gone off.  I think he was over tired and over wrought from yesterday's event.  Not great to hear him say to someone else that they are his mummy.  I have been talking to him about being adopted so think he may have got confused or something  

Oh the joys eh    I said to my friend today "and to think I wanted another child" when ds2 was whinging and playing up today.  We are only human.


----------



## naoise

HI all, I know I haven't posted in such a long time I am embarassed to post.

Ever I am soo sorry you are having a tough time, just to let you know I know how you feel. My three girls give me a horrible time every now and again. Once I get one girl's behaviour under control the other one starts. My oldest give me cheek all the time we joke she would argue a black crow was white. And when she asks me something I am never right she always knows best drives me up the wall. The Wizard of Oz comment should have been taken in the way you meant it, I have many a time wished someone anyone would take my three off my hands people who made sarky comments probably have thought the same at one time or another.

I have a problem of my own which is why I am posting, my girls have 2 face to face contacts and 2 letterbox contacts a year, I think this is a lot what do you all think? Anyway we went yesterday and they only saw BM as BF is in prison. I had alot of thinking to do as to tell them the truth about where he was, but our family therapist said tell the truth what is the worse that can happen!! Haaa!! N went to school yesterday and at show and tell time told everybody that her real daddy is a robber and is in prison. OMG!! Then when she was in the carpark told her best friend that she was off now to see her real mummy. When I asked her do you not think I am your real mummy, I really set myself up for a fall here. Well she is my real mummy isn't she. Now by this stage I was trying not to cry. Didn't want her to see me upset. She said because I really love her. So we went to contact and it went OK. It is soo easy to be a fun mum for an hour and that's what the girls see a really fun mum who plays on the slides and stuff, and I am the mum who shouts at them to do stuff and has all the hard work. Can you tell I am feeling really sorry for myself  .  I am sorry for ranting on it is really good to write it all down though.

LOve k


----------



## Mummyof2

Naoise -   to you hun.  Sounds like you have had a hard time of it lately.  Little children do not understand the concept of adoption really and see things in black and white so to her BM is her real mum 'cos she came out of her tummy - as I said, black and white.  Hurtful to you though but I would not take it personally as she doesn't realise how hurtful she is being.  We have started talking about stranger danger to my ds2 and now he says "I want to go and live with the strangers" and demands to be taken there.  Hurtful to us as well but we know it is because he doesn't realise what he is saying.  I also tell him he is adopted but say it is a private thing in our family so we don't tell people we have just met.  He gets it wrong anyway and says "I am a doctor" instead of adopted    I have no constructive help to offer you.  We do letter box contact twice a year and no face to face contact so cannot help much but didn't want to read and run   Another thought is when she says I really love bm you could say "that's nice but bm isn't part of our family and we only love people in our family don't we?  In our family we are all special friends and we all love each other very much so that is very nice - would you like a lovely hug?".  I say this to ds2 when he says he loves a friend of his and wants to go round there all the time to play, which obviously isn't possible.  I don't think they understand love at this age either


----------



## Banana Girl

Thought I'd say Hi as I'm new to this adoption business and just browsing pages.

Wanted to post to Everhopeful about your ** experience-

I'v ehad similar run ins with friends- some people can be ever so precious about any mother ever expressing any negativity about their children - but we all have our moments and they are all troublesome (sounds like you are going through quite a phase with your eldest) - I am just as horrified at my friends who pretend everything is peaches and cream as they at me saying I can't hack it sometimes.

My closest mate, over a year ago, had a row with me sparked by my lack of enthusiasm over SIL's pregnancy (there is a lot of bad blood between me and SIL- Ive posted elsewhere) - ANYWAY this ended up with me trying to explain post natal depression to my mate and my mentioning that there have been times in my life that I have hated being a mother. Oh Dear - that was it for her - something that can never be said. Despite this being one conversation over a year ago she now says that she cannot support the adoption because of this- because I ONCE said that during my PND I, every now and then, hated being a mother. She brings up this conversation every time I mention the adoption- to the point that i now purposely avoid the subject when with her. Her daughter is my DDs closest friend- so it's going to be tricky to completely avoid her being involved when it comes to home study isn't it??
She has said to me in the past that she far prefers her daughter to her son, who she hates being with at times- but apparently that doesn't count the same as my complaints as she is not inteding to have more children!

Anyhow - yeah, some mothers will never stand for others admitting to difficulties- i think it shows their short-comings rather than ours. 
That said I have very much modified my language on ** and ******* - things are easily misunderstood x


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## Mummyof2

Welcome to you Banana Girl.  Yes, we all have times when we wish our children would vanish for a few hours - we are only human after all


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## cindyp

Like Naoise I'm almost too embarassed to post it's been that long.  Some friends forced me to join ******** but I don't get on there either and the same for Adoption UK.  I've just become useless at getting on-line, these days life just seems to be work/kids and kickboxing.  (I decided I needed to do something for myself and it was the only class in the village but it's proved rather good for venting    ).

I hope everybody and their family is well?  Naoise I can't help with your question as we only have letterbox contact.  I can't believe I've been a Mum for over 5 years now.  DD came to us as a babe in arms but she will soon be 4 and starts school this September!!  Still wouldn't swap being a Mum although I wouldn't mind the odd day off   .  Ds still has his issues but we are continuing to receive support, and DD still thinks waking around 5am is the way to start the day but at least she sleeps through now in her own bed.

Ever, I have to sympathise with your ** experience, I think you have to be unusual never to be pe*d off by your kids at some point and wish for a break.  The fact of the matter is that being a parent is hard work (especially at my age   ) however much we may enjoy it.  Ignore other people's comments you know how much you love your children.

Mof2 DD used to use the "doctor" phrase too, she can now say "dopted" but she doesn't really understand it.

Gotta go, DD in tears, DS accidentally caught her in the face with the football.  Never Ends!!!


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## Mummyof2

Hi Cindy, nice to catch up with you and yours.  Hope dd's tears have stopped now   

We had ds2's Christening the other Sunday which was lovely.  Poured with rain in the afternoon though which was a shame as we had got the garden furniture out and hired a marquee and spent hours getting the garden looking great.  Never mind, we now have the house on the market so that garden tidying wasn't in vain as we are moving to Somerset later this year.  Dh has got a new job so we are spending lots of weekends trawling around Somerset looking at houses.  Still got to sell ours first though.  

Think I posted on another post that our dog died suddenly about a month ago.  He had cancer of the liver.  As he was only 12 it was a big shock.  We will get another dog after we have moved.  

Hasn't it been lovely weather lately.  We have been spending a lot of time in the garden or over the park.  

Ds2 is now completely potty trained thank goodness.  He starts at nursery school in September.  He wakes up at 5.30am every morning so I am hoping the extra school time will tire him out and he will have a lie in so we can have a lie in.  He goes to playgroup every morning and will continue with that and go to nursery in the afternoon so making a whole school day effectively from 9-3.30 (I will collect him after playgroup and give him lunch before going to nursery of course   ).  He is very bright and needs constant stimulation so I am sure he will love it.

That's me up to date.  What's every one else up to?

Bye for now


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi everyone,

Also not been on here for ever but just popped on to say hello 

Poohbear and Pinky are both fine, driving me mad a times but iam sure that is normal for us all.

Cindy, hun how are you. Must chat soon.xx

PBMxxx


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## superal

thought I would get this post up and running again as so many of us start of by saying sorry not been on so long...........LADIES.......do not apologise having a family takes up a lot of time and we all know we waited so long for our children that they should come first and YES a day off from being a Mum would be lovely and is really normal to feel that way.

Well my children are now 17 and nearly 10 and where has the time gone.

We have just returned from 2 weeks in Egypt where the weather was fantastic and on the whole we had a relaxing time  

Our DS at 17 thinks its OK to go and get drunk and them come back and throw up and nearly choke on his own vomit...............not a nice experience and one I hope he has learnt from........although i doubt it!!  

Our DD turns  10 in a matter of weeks and we intend to surprise herwith a present she will just love I will post more after the event don't want to give to muchaway BUT a new member of our family but with 4 legs!!

I always said I wanted to adopt a 3rd BUT i have to honestly say that the older they get the harder it gets..............they are only human after all and they experience normal teenager experiences BUT its hard work and draining and I feel I could not face the teenage years again with a 3rd......the early stages are fantastic.............saying all this I would not swap my children and we are still considering fostering but at a later stage.

Life on the whole is great and I thank my lucky stars for the love and support I have form my family, especially my DH.  We are a family...........a normal family.....as normal as families can be......LOL.

Enjoy your day...the sun is out here maybe time to do the ironing in the garden...one of the joys from coming back of holiday....the washing/ironing!!!


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## keemjay

nice to see you posting superal  
do you mind me asking, you say it gets harder the older they get, do you mean from an adoption angle or just from a normal age angle? 
lucky DD with her b'day pressie..i think i might be able to guess..cant believe she is going to be 10, doesnt seem 5 mins ago you were posting about her starting school!

kjx


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## Mummyof2

Hi Superal, nice to catch up with you again.  Glad you had a good holiday.  We are off to France for a week at the end of the month.

I have my hands full with my 2 and wouldn't want a third, although I do get pangs I never had a daughter, from time to time.  My brother had 3 daughters and wishes he had a son so we are never content   are we.  His daughters are teenagers and older and he says they are a constant headache, especially when af is around so perhaps I had a lucky escape   

Sadly our dog died a few months ago so we will be acquiring another after we move.  We are moving to Taunton in Somerset as dh has got another job there now.  We have sold our house and bought a house in a village just outside Taunton that backs on to fields.  Just waiting for the legal side of things to complete now.  

Hope dd has a lovely birthday.


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## superal

Hi KJ I meant from  a teenager angle BUT the added thing about being adopted also crops up every now and then with DS, he will try to blame being adopted on some of the issues he has which to be honest I don.t believe as we have always been very open and honest with our 2 about adoption and the questions he brings upa re the ones he has answered time and time again........its just normal teenage behaviour!!

YES DD will be getting a dog for her birthday!!  She has no idea as our old dog died in October last year and she has so wanted us to go and just get another one for her so hopefully this will really make her birthday!! Its a chocolate Labrador and a puppy......shhhhhhhh don't tell her itsa surprise!!

love
Andrea
x


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## keemjay

thanks for answering that superal, i'm glad its just normal teenage stuff...you made me panic a bit lol. 
ooh choc lab, sweeeeet, my friend got one this year and she is beautiful

kj x


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## superal

At long last our DD knows she is getting a puppy for her birthday as we took her to choose one yesterday.......or should I say the puppy chose her!!!

He is going to be called Diesel as my hubby wants a nice strong name to call him......he would not stand there in a park and shout fluffy if you know what I mean!!  So Diesel is his name.....after Van Diesel of course!!

2 weeks and counting!!

Love
Andrea
x


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## Mummyof2

aaah how lovely    I bet she is over the moon


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## Old Timer

How lovely, bet she is so excited! 

Don't post on here much, have updated on 2nd time adopters.

Hope everyone is enjoying the BH weekend. 

OT x


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi

Nice to read some recent news from you all. We are in the middle of a busy birthday weekend for Pooh bear who will be 6 on Monday.

PBMxxx


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## superal

wow 6 where has the time gone pooh bears mummy!!!!!

DD is very exited about her birthday surprise...Diesel.........bless her its all she talks about!!

Where as DS I don't even no where to begin there............I look forward to giving advice on teenagers when all my FF children are teenagers.....thats if i have survived these horrible moments!!!!   

Andrea
x


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## superal

Diesel is here,,,,,,,,DD turned 10 yesterday and is over the moon with her puppy!!!!!

He is adorable and so worth the look on our dd face when we picked her up from school yesterday with him........


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