# New on adoption any advice?



## WILDI (Oct 7, 2008)

Hello  i am new to this site and am just waiting for are 1st home visit from the social worker.Do anyone have any advice on what we should do,are what to expect on the visit.
Thanks 
Wildi


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## popsi (Oct 11, 2007)

Hiya Wildi

I am not very experienced in the whole thing, but we have recently had our first visit, it was all very relaxed i was really stressed and spent the weeks before cleaning and decorating.. and she did not even look around lol ! it was just a nice chat to tell us what to expect and to ask/answer any questions we had regarding the process, it was fine  

We have just completed our formal application, crb forms etc and are booked on the prep course for three days in November

We sound like we are about the same place in our journey, it will be good to have someone to share it with.

Are you using a LA or VA

Andrea x


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## WILDI (Oct 7, 2008)

Hello Andrea,
I have gave DH a list of jobs to do around the house,but like you say they might not even look round.Really exited about it all, can't wait to get started.
would like to keep in contact with you.
What do you mean by LA and VA.
Wildi


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## popsi (Oct 11, 2007)

are you using your Local Authority (i.e. your social services etc), or a Voluntary Agency like barnardos etc

have you had any fertility treatment etc.. or are you new to the whole rollercoaster of wanting a family


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## WILDI (Oct 7, 2008)

Hi Andrea we are with are LA.
Been TTC for 5 yrs now.
ICSI found had endo,had lapo and got sterilized.
1st IVF 1 egg not fertilised
2nd IVF 1 egg  fertilised but sadly not worked.
Body can't take no more.
So we decided to go for adoption just can't wait to get started.
Keep in touch.
Wildi


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## NUTTYRAYFIELD (Sep 7, 2007)

Hi please can i join your chat we have our 1st home visist tomorow and like you both we have cleaned and decorated so nervous apparnelty she is here for 2 hours will let you know what they ask,

we have had 2 failed ICSI/IVF courses and hope that adoption is meant to be our path,

sharon
x


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## popsi (Oct 11, 2007)

hi sharon and welcome x

good luck for your visit tomorrow, its great to have the support of these boards at a time like this

x


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi another newbie here. Can I join you?

We're just about to send our forms off - we've been told by our LA that we need to wait until 6 months after we've completed IVF before we can apply to make sure we've had time to come to terms with it all. 

It would be lovely to share the journey with others. Like you I'd welcome any advice and encouragement from others who've been through the various stages already. 

I found the over 40s thread really good when I was going through treatment and have already been encouraged by the positive experiences of adption others have reported on some of the adoption threads. 

Sharon - I hope your visit went well today.

Wildi - do you know when your first visit is? 

CG xxxx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Welcome to the adoption board 

We have an adoption virgins thread here http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=141568.300

If you want to introduce yourself. Lots of us originals on the thread arent really virgins anymore  I have panel in 2 weeks  for matching with my current foster child

The ladies on there will be glad to try and help with any questions you have

love
suzie x


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Suzie - thanks for the welcome and the information on where we should be posting  

Good luck with your panel, I hope it goes well. 

CG xxxx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Thank you  

You are welcome to post on here still if you wish   if you feel that you are all at the same sort of stage? Entirely up to you guys  

 with your journeys and I hope we can help 

x


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## NUTTYRAYFIELD (Sep 7, 2007)

Hi all


Thank you for the warm welcome, our first visist seemed to go well she said she would be in touch soon so fingers/toes crossed how long do you have to wait normally before hearing.
It feels very exciting starting this journey,

hope your all looking forward to a good weekend,

look forward to getting to know u all better on this journey
xxxx


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## suedulux (May 27, 2006)

OMG!  so glad to  find this thread. 

All the others  seem to have already advanced through the initial stages and onto 'pannel' and 'courses'  

may I  join ya thread ?  

We've waited the 6 months required  from last tx, dh has given up smoking , I'm loosing  weight .  We just need to  fill in the 

form  they sent us and send it off  .....

luv  sue


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Sue - looks like we're at the same stage. Forms about to hit the post!!!


Sharon - glad your first visit went well. I hope they get in touch with info on next stage soon. Did they give you any idea of when you might go on your prep course etc?

CG xxxx


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## popsi (Oct 11, 2007)

Hi Girls

Good luck to everyone who has sent off their forms, hopefully the sw will not be too long getting back to you, ours were really quick fair play so hopefully yours will be too, i know they have targets now, so  

Well we have been doing a bit of reading about adoption, finding some of it very   but also enlightening, figure knowledge is a power in this game

Had wobbly moment on the weekend wondering if our child had been born, and when DH said excitedly it may be, i started crying saying imagine what he/she could be going through right now before they are safe  , its a rollercoaster of emotions this adoption road x

Anyway all that aside, we cant wait for our prep course in 25 days, really really nervous about it as we not really into public speaking/discussions etc as we are quite quiet, but will give it our all for our dream 

Love to everyone else


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## Bunjy (Jan 25, 2007)

Hi there
We are considering adoption...are there any particular agenices you can recommend - we live in south east london. I have enquired with our LA and neighboring LA - both don't want white families at present !!!! Any advice?

Thanks
Bunjy


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## ansel (Jan 9, 2008)

Hi,
I'm glad to see there are others at the same stage!  We have just been waiting for our 6mths after IVF DE treatment to go by.  Very frustrating this waiting ..... anyway, finally can get the expression of interest form completed.    Just wanted to ask some advice about the form:

Who did you put down as references?  We've been married 3yrs.  Its difficult to find people who know us both well 5yrs or longer.  DH can put his close friend down, but he hasn't known me for 5yrs and although he knows me I wouldn't say he knows me well enough to say how able I am with children.  Same goes for me, I can put a friend down who I have known for 15yrs but she doesn't know DH particularly well, we don't socialise with her and her DH as a couple.  I think we may need to put a reference each?  and then the family reference we thought DH's sister.    Only thing is his sister doesn't  have any children (and won't have - 50yrs old almost).    I could put my brother but would rather not, I don't get along with SIL and wouldn't say me and my brother are close these days due to her.  We do babysit occassionally for them but not often as they never go anywhere!  I don't even want to tell them we are going for adoption, likewise alot of our friends, as I feel like everyone knows our personal business with the IVF and if it doesn't work out I don't want to look a fool again.

Also, I am mortified (and so is DH) that they want to contact DH's ex-wife, she is the last person we want knowing our personal business, she did the dirty on DH and although they are civil to one another, he can't stand her.    On the other hand, he knows she would only say good things about him, but the point is we don't want her knowing such personal stuff.  Who might she tell?

We are also struggling with finding addresses we have lived at since 18 (now early 40's!), he was at Poly and lived at 3 different addresses and can only remember 1 of these.    Does this matter?    

Sorry to ramble on!
ANSEL


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Oh Andrea that's such a sad thought about the difficulties your potential littlie could be having.   I'm a bit worried about the prep course too - worried I'll blub for one thing and like you not sure I can share loads of personal thoughts with strangers!  

Ansel, I'm not sure what to suggest about your references. I'd opt for the set you thing will give you the best reference irrespective of if they have children or not. It's you the SW wants to get to know and if you've been a good friend to someone I'm sure that must count as much as anything.

Bunjy, sorry I can't help with agencies in your area. Have you tried any of the voluntary agencies like Barnado's?

CG xxxxx


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## suedulux (May 27, 2006)

Hi ya ladies

There's an adoption chat fortnightly (mostly ) next one is hoped for on 29th Oct 7.30 - 9.30 
here's the link http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=157873.0
hope its helpful 
also there seems to be an adoption virgin thread http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=141568.0 

But I'm happy to keep posting in here too, as when there are too many people posting its hard to catch up  
but worth scrolling through it , as there might be some answers to any questions ya have ? 
Might transfer to it once I've 'got going ' a bit , At the mo I just want to compare experiences with people who are 
at the simular stage to me  

Cotswold Girl - yay great to see someone else at the very beginig 

popsi - aww think I'm gonna be thinkign like you once the prep course is pending . Doesnt feel read at the mo, as we havnt sent in the initial paperwork yet. 

Bunjy - hi ya , I'm not much help to you unfortunately, but do try the threads above , ask on there . I'm sure you'll get loads of help 
, but please comeback to us and let us know what you've found out ?

ansel - hi hon , I agree with Cotswold Girl , give the references that you feel would give good feed back. And in addition , if dh's ex would give good report , have a think wether its really that important that she doesnt know about your private lives ? She's moved on and he has too? Give them as many choices as ya can, with a covering note to explain why you've chosen each one ? Like X knows dh but not me so well . X knows me but not so much dh etc ? Maybe ( just a suggestion ?) 
Regarding addresses, again give all ya can find, explain about the gaps? Maybe tell them if they really need all the info , you'll continue to search for a way to get the others?

Oh hark at me ! I sound like I know what I'm on about lol 
I have a friend who adopted 3 under 3yr olds a few years ago, so any questions ...I can always ask them I guess 

Luv sue


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## NUTTYRAYFIELD (Sep 7, 2007)

hi alll glad to see la the notes and cant remember who said what but hope ur journey is going  well 

we are now booked on a reflection course and the 3 day course which we are quite nervosu about but feel real positive that we gace started our journey but im confused when do we fill in the application formmmmmmmmm  is this after these courses??

and one strange question  we have a dog and they say all dogs muist be assessed which can see is  great idea but does anyone know what they assess them on please she is good for us but not sure what they make her do 

thanks will def catch up on the forum with you all next week

xxx


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## WILDI (Oct 7, 2008)

Hello to everyone who has posted on this site, really good to be able to talk to people going through this whole process.
Hope you are all ok.
We are still waiting for are SW to get in contact with us for 1st visit its been nearly 4 wks now.
How long did any of you have to wait?
Got dh painting the hall & landing this weekend, even though sw wont be looking at that but just want it just right for when she does finally come. 

Good luck to you all post in soon

Diane


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Sue - have you sent your forms off yet? Ours went off Thursday of last week. Now waiting for a call or letter to invite us (hopefully) to an information evening. Bet we don't last the week before we chase it up  

Diane - what 4 weeks! I'd have rung them by now... Might be worth giving them a call to find out when you might hear from them. We're painting too - bedrooms in our case. Bet us potential adopters have the smartest houses any SWer ever sees   

Nuttyrayfield - a reflection day sounds interesting. Hope it goes well.

CG xxxx


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## suedulux (May 27, 2006)

Cotswold Girl  -  not  sent them off yet.  Need to  fill them in this weekend . an  draft a covering letter .

luv  sue


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## NUTTYRAYFIELD (Sep 7, 2007)

Hi just had to comment on some of the messages as soon as we know the sw was coming we painted the hallway re carpeted and house spotless needless to say she didnt seem to notice and i had to bite my tongue before pointing this out yep we must all have the tidiest houses ever,

Hope everyone is ok it took us about amonth to hear back diane when we made the first call but i did call them after 3 weeks to ask what was happening,

take care all

xx


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## WILDI (Oct 7, 2008)

Hi ended up ringing adoption place up, they said should hear in about 3-4 weeks if not to to call them back.
Was starting to think they had forgot about us.

Just made a big pan of home made soup and homemade bread so going to cuddle up with DH and talk all about adopting.    Just want to get the ball rolling.


It's sooooooooooooo nice to be able to chat to you all who are at the same point as us,take care all.

Diane


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Sue, stop procrastinating and get those forms in the post (says she no.1 procrastinater  )

Diane - glad you now know when they're going to get back to you - not knowing when something will pop through the post means you can't really relax. Hope you enjoyed your soup and cuddle! That's one of the nice things about winter  

Well we didn't need to ring SS we got an invite to the next information evening through the post today! So we're booked in for one on 4 November  

CG xxxx


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