# do i give up



## loobie75 (Jan 25, 2008)

hiya girlies - i thought posting on her might 'meet' or 'speak' to girls in a similarish situation - 

im 34 (35 in dec) dh 38 (39 dec) we have DS who will be 7 in January.  been trying for 4 years nearly for a brother or a sister.  had fertility treatment in 07/08 which didn't work due to the se's - was offered nothing else and told minimal chance of conceiving with or without treatment again.

oct 08 i fell pg with metformin (ac said pco though only symptom is irregular periods) - no h/b at 12 week scan - miscarried with tablets at 14 weeks.  devastated - had told ds just before scan as everything seemed ok.

started trying again feb 09 (as bled til then) finally fell again Dec 09 but early miscarriage at 6 weeks

started tryi8ng again with the help of a fertility reflexologist - pregnant june 10 - miscarried at 5 & 4

been trying ever since, every month is heartbreaking, all my friends now have either a second or third - im the only one that doesn't.  it breaks my heart, i feel so guilty that DS hasn't got a sibling, my oldest friend was struggling and even she now has a baby  .  i want to experience a pregnancy again and want DS to have a sibling but it just doesn't seem to be happening for us.

i am now thinking is there any point carrying on - we can't have treatment unless we pay so its au natural for us - but my age and DS age - is there any point. - what do you girls think ?/ would you carry on

whats set the rant off is an early af - im always 32ish days with met, i then had two 28 day cycles which i was over the moon at - wnet on holiday expected to come back pg and got my period early - a 25 day cycle - im thinking my body is just saying don't bother anymore  

sorry to waffle, i have a regular thread but lots of girls on there odn't have one and feel guilty posting.  if there is anyone out there that wants to chat please do xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

didnt want to read and run   

i dont think you want to stop trying....but youve been through alot...i guess only you will know the time to stop

i had mine at 33 and dh was 45....i had ivf

my friend had twins at 40 through clomid . so dont let age put you off

i think if you can afford treatment then do it that way as embies get checked etc dont they

sorry im no use really


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## wishing4miracle (Sep 7, 2006)

have you thought about maybe egg sharingat most clinics if you just need ivf then you just pay hfea fee.just a thought


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## loobie75 (Jan 25, 2008)

thanks girls for postin   

in terms of treatment, the fertility drugs i had gave me a thin womb lining and the specialist said this would happen if i went forward with any type of ivf.  he said it was a rare side effect for which there is no alternative or cure.

i went back to the docs after the early mc in June and he said cos id been pg though not for long the rules are he can't refer me for 12 months (as at mo im under 35) GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

if i could afford i would go private but unfortunately we are in a position to do it. i might have to try think if nothing happens in 12 mths then i'll investiage

if i knew in the next 6-12 mths id have a successful pregnancy id not bother but its just so frightening to think DS is going to be on his own.

thanks for listening.  i know deep down i cna't give up it just scares me to think that for the last 4 years ive thought the same and im still no further ahead.

i hate if/sif and hope we all get our dreams and soon xxxxx


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

im guessing you know this...but just incase....you need to get jiggy on day 14, day 1 being first day of heavy period   

i took pregnacare plus ....(morrisons, most places)


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## KathC (Oct 18, 2007)

Hi

I've not been on the message board for months now but what you wrote really hit home.  I know exactly how you feel - my son is now five (conceived after three months of trying).  After waiting two years I naively thought I would have no problem in conceiving again.  Hindsight is a wonderful thing, how wrong was I?  Three years down the line and nothing.  I've tried Clomid, have had two lots of IUI, I've tried altering my diet, reflexology and acupuncture and nothing has helped.  IVF is a possibility but really only an option with donor eggs.  My age is now well and truly against me (I'm now 45) and a blood test last year showed that while my FSH was okay my antimulleria hormone wasn't.  So I have to try and accept that the door to success is more or less shut.  Like you, I wonder if it's worth the agony of carrying on, I just wish there was some way of drawing a line under it but you never give up hope.  My periods have been light and always early for some time, imagine this month my surprise when this month they weren't and for all of 24 hours I dared to hope that I might be pregnant.  Despite warning myself not to get so worked up I couldn't help it and started immediately "planning" for the months ahead in my head.  So imagine my dejection when the familiar cramps started and for the umpteenth month in a row I found myself back at square one.  So in answer to your question, I don't think it's a question of do I give up rather than can I give up?  I know that the odds are stacked firmly against me but even if there's the slightest speck of hope then I'll hold onto it.  I don't know what else to say except that you're not alone and I really feel for you.

Take care

Kathryn


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## babycrazy (Mar 17, 2006)

Looby
Was drawn to this thread for what ever reason   . perhaps because i have an understanding of what you are going through. 
I had my first 4 children no probs in my 20s, i did not plan to have any more as 4 was enough plus the youngest had cerebral palsy and was quite a difficult child to handle, but at age 34 i became broody and so wanted another baby, this is when all my troubles began starting with 2 MC in 6 mths then after this difficulties getting PG and more MCs.

You have had 3 Miscarriages in a row so you are entitled to test to see if there s a reason, ask your GP to be seen by a proper recurrant MC clinic, not just  Gyny Dr,s at your local HSP.
My problem turned out to be simple that could of been fixed very cheaply, My thyroid!.
If you have PCOS it may can be likely to have a thyroid prob as well. I was also diagnosed at a private clinic with PCOS, but it was dismissed by others in NHS as my bloods were fine and the fact i had children.  .  I paid to see a few Dr's inc Lesley Regan at St Marys RCMC Paddington,  I also had 2 x IUI both BFN at cost of £500 a go with drugs. back  in 1998, I only produced 1 egg on stimms told this fact only after i paid my money, due to FSH of 10.0
My thyroid problem came about when i was age 50 and going for TX with donor eggs,  it was my clinic in Czech that alerted me to the problem after my GP said it was fine to go ahead with  the TX and any resulting PG would be O.K. Anyway i done a bit of research and had a look at my med records, I discovered my TSH was to high when I had my 1st  ever TSH test, after my 2nd MC in 1990.  The problem is my thyroid levels at 2.75 fell into NHS guidelines of 0.5 to 5.5, but the ideal level should be between 1.0 & 2.0 to conceive and carry a baby successfully. Another GP informed me only recently that a raised FSH could be because of  thyroid problems.  So I would urge anyone having probs conceiving or miscarrying before paying for expensive test & Fertility TX, to have  a full thyroid function done, including Antibodies because one can have the ideal TSH of 1.0 to 2.0 but have raised antibodies.
I got treated for my Thyroid issues and got PG with my DD now age 2.7yrs and my twins now age 6mths with my 1st & 2nd DEIVF TX. ( I was also treated with steroids in 2 wks leading up to TX, 2ww & 12wks into PG because of having thyroid probs which helps).
Angel Blessings on your journey to another successfull PG.
XX
Karen


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## loobie75 (Jan 25, 2008)

thank you all so much for coming back to me though i wish for us all we didn't know about such threads

i think i might as well give up - dh just got another job

good news as where he is currently very quiet with threat of short time

bad news - its monday to thursday from 6.45 to 6.45

how and when are we supposed to have BMS now - morning no good as i'll be up by the time he gets home - as my days lie at the mo that rules us out for months

could cry.  i am so not destined to be pregnant
xxxxxxxx

feeling very down about this sorry girls

im sorry you are going throught the same - kath c - ive read a few people on here are over 45 and 50 and are currently pregnant    its so hard to decide whether to continue to put yourself through all this or not.  i wish i had the answers.  i hope you find the strength to come to the right decision for you xxxxxxx


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## KathC (Oct 18, 2007)

Hi

I'm so very very sorry to hear about your predicament, I don't know what to say.  Have you talked through it with your DH?  In my case my DH is less fixated on having a second child than me, he thinks our son is fine as an only child as he has lots of friends anyway.  He isn't the one that has to answer people's questions of "does he have any brothers or sisters?" or "are you going to have another one?".  It riles me so much that rather than shrugging off with some general comment the person who asks the question gets a potted history of what I've been through.  Have you thought about adoption?  It's something I'm considering and have decided I will look into further if nothing's happened by the end of this year.  Whether or not I actually go ahead with this I don't know.  What worries and puts me off is what you have to go through to get there, it sounds worse than ttc!  

You sound so down, I really want to give you a hug!  Try and get away for a break if you can, maybe then you might be able to think more clearly.

I'm thinking of you and hope you can get through this.

Kathryn


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## lina1 (Nov 5, 2009)

Hi there. I completely understand. My son is also 7 yrs and I've also had 3 miscarriages since ttc #2. We have had loads of tests and we have another consultation with a gyny consultant at the hospital next Monday. All the tests for recurrent miscarriage came back unexplained and now the issue has become an infertility one as the last time I was pg was over 2 yrs ago now. I got preggers with ds when we were both 33 so didn't think at the time that it was a risk to leave until he was 2 yrs old before we tried again! Now we're both 41 and can't quite believe it's come to this. I'm worried that they're going to say that my dh has a low sperm count as this was the case on the last results and this is the follow up test. I'm not sure how he'll take it as he is already feeling really really low as he has his own business which he may need to fold due to financial issues and so is completely stressed. I also have my own children's clothing business which again is going through an extremely difficult time due to the current economic climate. I started the business with a friend nearly 4 yrs ago when we both had 1 child, trying for a second. Since then she has had one other (and moaned the whole way through the pregnancy and ever since as the baby is very clingy) and now is pg for the 3rd time with twins. Throughout this pg she has said almost on a daily basis that it is the biggest mistake they have ever made and how she only wanted 2, not 4 and what a nightmare she is having and how uncomfortable and depressed she is, whilst doing very little work due to her situation. It is hard to listen to. I am trying to presuade her to take mat leave now so that I don't need to talk to her any more! I would like to give up ttc too and just can't! I can't really give any advise to you apart from to say that you are still young. I have one friend the same age as me who is now pg with #2 after trying for 3 yrs and another who had her first last year at 40 - both natural. I completely sympathise with you and wish you loads and loads of luck (I think it's what we all need!!) xxx


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## loobie75 (Jan 25, 2008)

hey thanks for posting

kath c - i work for the fostering and adoption team at my LA (i do publicity) for many reasons i couldn't adopt - you are right it takes a lot of doing , there is so much red tape too - if you ever need to ask give me a shout  

lina - how did youre appointment go - een thinking about you .  hope it has given some positive results for you.  its so hard, i don't know about you but i hate september as its another school year and brings home all the past years when ive been trying.  its hard to avoid the bumps/prams in the playground and i do tend to drop ben off late as i avoid them that way.  another fear is hsi teacher getting pg - it always seems to be somebody else doesn't it.  i don't want to give up one bit but scared now it won't happen, it seems never ending.
i think your 'friend' is very insenstive - can you work from home she doesn't sound a true friend to me.  i think id have fallen out with her by now.  hard when you share the business though
i hope you are ok - always pm if you need.  my ds has asked for a sister for xmas and it breaks my heard.
have decided from yesterday doing low carb diet, have started running again, got the royal jelly! dh on his stupid shifts so will have to nip home twice next week - sounds awful but i can't be beaten yet.........

i keep reading on here about girls with natural bfps - i so hope we can be them soon xxxxxxxxxx


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## babycrazy (Mar 17, 2006)

Loobie
Also remember to go to your GP and get your thyroid checked out!!!!!, TSH needs to be between 1.0 & 2.0.
X
BC


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## lina1 (Nov 5, 2009)

Hi Loobie,
Thanks for asking. The appointment was fine - all the results were totally normal which has pros and cons - relief that everything is ok with us both (partic my dh!) but frustration that there is nothing that can be "fixed". 

We have been told that over the last 2 years we have had all the tests possible on the NHS including all those for recurrent miscarriage and that if we had further investigations privately we wouldn't find out any more. Have you spoken to your GP to get the recurrent MC specialist investigation. I don't know where you are geographically but I was on the waiting list for St Marys in Paddington. They can do laposcopy (lap and dye) to check your tubes etc. I actually had that at the hospital. Have you had that? They said that sometimes just the act of putting in the dye can unblock blocked tubes..

What they can't tell on the NHS is the quality of the eggs but the consultant did say that some older women have good quality eggs and some younger women have poorer and it's not so cut and dried as just age. He has said that basically we have been very unlucky! 

We have been "discharged" from the hospital and our options are basically to keep trying or IVF. You can see from my earlier post that IVF isn't really an option for us at this precise moment due to our quite honestly dire financial situation but we are not ruling it out (in case we win the lottery or something!). 

What the consultant did say was that even though I have no apparent clotting issues he would recommend taking a low dose of aspirin if I did fall pg again to try to stop an MC. 

By the way my business partner is now officially on mat leave as from tomorrow for the next 6 mths at least so that's a welcome relief!

..and I don't think your husband nipping home twice a week sounds awful. I think my husband would be delighted to do that as a break from work!!! 

Also I would be really surprised at your young! age that having a 25 day cycle is your body telling you not to bother any more. 

Personally I don't think you should give up and wish you loads and loads of luck xxxxx


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## loobie75 (Jan 25, 2008)

thanks lina   this SIF is rough isn't it by gum, i really struggle with feeling the need to justify only having 1 - not sure if you've come across this.  i always feel i need to say its not my choice and now as ds joins more activities im having to do this more and more  

my gp thinks ive just been unlucky as the last two mc were 6 & 5 weeks - he doesn't want to put me through the stress of tests just yet, if it happens again we will most def take this route.  im from near huddersfield in yorkshire - here we don't seem to get things unless its tgoo late  

i hope you fall before you it comes to IVF - i keep hearing success stories from vits but it hasn't worked for me yet.  taking royal jelly now out of desperation!!!!

glad your business partner has finished, will make it easier for you and less upsetting which can only be a good thing hey.

been for my reflexology today - she is very very good, i feel guilty though as she has recently successfully treated lots of women some who had failed ivf - they are all pg, only me that isn't and i feel ive let her down too!!! she is good though and for every negative i give she turns it positive for me 

i hope we both have good news soon and for the duration this time   xxxxxxxx


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## lina1 (Nov 5, 2009)

Hi Loobie,

I totally know what you mean regarding having to justify only having one. I do now always say that it isn't our choice and do sometimes go into far more detail than people want which I know can make it a bit uncomfortable for them, but I'm feeling that the question "only one?" demands an answer longer than just "yes"! People say "but I thought you were just too busy with the business..." which is so untrue as I'd give the business up in a heartbeat if it meant I'd have another child! 

Good luck with the reflexology. Both my dh and I had a couple of sessions from someone recommended by a friend who subsequently got pg on their first try of IVF (I was totally and genuinely delighted for this couple as he'd had testicular cancer when he was 30 leaving him with 1 prosthetic so they were always going to find it a bit tricky!) I'm afraid we gave up far too easily on the reflexologist as she said she thought we were ready to conceive and when I didn't that month I was totally demoralised! Very silly as I have heard it can work wonders!

Your GP is probably right that you're just unlucky but I didn't actually find the tests stressful so if you do get a chance on the NHS then I'd definitely go for it!

Please let me know if you have any developments! Heaps of luck xxxx


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