# Is it too soon?



## Escapeartist (Mar 25, 2013)

Hi all!

I am new to this board (though not new to ttc and fertility forums) and I would love some opinions on this.

I am 32 and v healthy. My DH is a couple of years older, also healthy, with v healthy sperm count. We have had no problems getting pregnant, always happens first/second month of trying. However, I have had several losses (4 to be precise) ranging from 7 to 11 weeks into the pregnancy. I have been tested for various things, they found some clotting issues, but even then pregnancy did not stick. 

After my third pregnancy I had a D&C that went disastrously wrong. I had another one 3 weeks later after an infection and bleeding (retained placenta) which resulted in severe Asherman's syndrome (uterine adhesions). I was told then that I would not be able to have my own babies. My periods stopped (although hormonally I was still having menstrual changes) and my uterine cavity was completely occluded. 

I had surgery, twice, which has returned my uterus to some sort of normality - the shape is now more regular. The lining, which used to be thick (14-18mm) is now patchy and thin (5-7mm). My Dr, ever the optimist, and also not knowing much about Asherman's, urged us to try again. Other doctors had told me to look at other options, as not only I seem to be a recurrent miscarried, but I also had Asherman's which carries with it other complications, like irregular placentation, higher risk of miscarriage, higher risk of dangerous bleeding at birth and cervical incontinence from all the operations I have had. 

I got pregnant again (no 4) but again went on to miscarry at week 7. 

I am ready to move on and my husband and I have decided that surrogacy is one of the ways we would like to look at (we have also put our adoption papers in and are on a 3-5 year waiting list). We have been blessed with people who really love us and we have had two offers of potential surrogates, from our friends and family. 

What I am worried about is that I will contact a clinic and they will tell me that it is too soon and that I should keep trying. I feel like I cannot have another failed pregnancy -psychologically and physically. 

Do you think, objectively, it is too soon? Do you think I should simply keep trying? Another failed pregnancy could mean a hysterectomy for me, if there are placentation or haemorrhage issues. On the other hand I see people who have had 8-10 miscarriages and still keep trying. Am I giving up too easily? 

What was the response you got from your clinic when you approached them for surrogacy?

Thank you so much for reading all this!


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## baby4her (Jan 12, 2013)

Well I am a surrogate myself and I would recommend a few things before giving up. First of all google NAC and prevention of miscarriage. It's N-acetyl cysteine a powerful antioxidant that is safe to take in it's recommended dose.
Then I would work on an exercise program and eat a very healthy diet. No sugars, white processed foods. Eat fresh fruits and vegetables and good protein. Try to eat organic.

The idea is to get blood flow to the uterus. You do this by exercising. Core exercises are best as well as cardio. Also drink rasspberry leaf tea as it is good for toning and conditioning the uterus. Use selenium suppliments or brazil nuts when you are trying to build your lining. It takes a commitment to do all of this but you MUST repair your body before trying again.
Good luck with your journey.
Connie


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## selene78 (Jun 22, 2012)

Hi Escapeartist,
I will write from the other point of view. As you wrote, you have Ashermans syndrom - so do I. And I am pretty sure, that trying to have a baby by yourself is a waist of time. I am sorry if I said that to rough, but I am in the subject from 2 years. And telling the truth haven't met a happy-ending story. It is very good that you got pregnant - it means that there is a way in your uterus that spermatoids or menstrual blood can go through. But Asherman means a lot of scars, thin lining (and it has nothing to do with healthy diet - uterus is mechanicaly destroyed) and embryo just have no chances to develop healthy.
I may be wrong, don't know your case. But I was said that having my own baby would be a miracle. And don't get me wrong - but if I have 35 years waiting for miracle is wasting a precious time.
But I think that it have to be your own decision. Surrogacy is hard, maybe in UK easier than in Poland, as it is allowed by law and socially approved. If you consulted a few doctors, and they say you will not have happy ending pregnancy, I think you can try to research surrogacy. I haven't had miscarriage myself, and can't even think how hard it was for you. I had an option to try operations, few years of treatment with no guarantees of success and famous doctor who said he would try it with me, but it is an challenge for him. I didn't want to try, have a hope, make some operations that would make normal shape of uterus and not to have a baby. Or to loose a baby as it is very often with Ashermans. I chose surrogacy. 
I don't think it is to soon to research the subject, as you and your DH went through so much.
No matter what you choose - I wish you all the best.
K


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## Escapeartist (Mar 25, 2013)

Thank you both so much for taking the time to reply.

Baby4her am I an ex professional athlete and still train 7-10 hours each week (less than a third of what I used to). I don't think exercise or diet is the reason why I have had miscarriages. Bt thank you for your advice.

Selene, I feel like you do, I don't want to have another pregnancy only to prove the point that with my lining and asherman's it will always end in miscarriage. That on top of my recurrent miscarrier status, makes me v keen to look at the one opportunity to have our own bio child through surrogacy.

My question related more towards the doctors and clinics I will approach. I think I will struggle to find a doctor who will say that I will *never* have a baby, because miracles do happen and women have babies after asherman's and after miscarriages, but I don't feel like I can simply wait for that miracle.

Ladies who have gone down that road of surrogacy, what was your clinics/doctors response? Did they try to convince you to 'just try one more time'? That is what I am so worried about. Surrogacy is legal where I live, I have a friend who has offered... I am looking to approach a clinic... But I am scared of the response.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I have Asherman's syndrome after an ERPC - I was going down the surrogacy route which then hit a hurdle.  I cycled with Dr Penny in Serum, Athens, she will treat people with clotting disorders and uterine issues. She will give you a free phone or email consultation, they will also treat surrogates. x


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## Escapeartist (Mar 25, 2013)

JJ1 thank you for your reply!

Serum is in fact the one clinic that I have been looking at (it is local to me!) and although I have read a lot about them, re IVF I was wondering if anyone else has experience of them with surrogacy cases.


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## LouGhevaert (May 18, 2009)

Hi

I really feel for you over this.

You've clearly been through a great deal already and there's a lot to weigh up.  Your medical problems and the fact that you've already lost 4 pregnancies suggests that surrogacy could be a really good option for you.

You'll know when you're ready to make a final decision on this and it's great to hear you've had two offers from potential surrogates. It's also a question of doing your homework on the clinic and legal front.  Working with a clinic with expertise and experience in surrogacy can be helpful as this can help smooth the treatment process and help you access treatment. Do also make sure you get on top of the legal issues and process for a parental order so you are entirely clear about the way ahead.

Best of luck and hang in there.

Louisa


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## SallyPow (Nov 10, 2012)

Hi ladies

We are looking into surrogacy after having 9 failed IVF's (2 mc's) and have decided to concentrate on freezing some embryos to either transfer to a surrogate if we go down that route or indeed to transfer to myself in a frozen cycle should we decide to have another go.  We feel this way we are keeping our options open and will have frozen embryos ready if we should continue with surrogacy (there is a 6 month quarantine period to bear in mind).

Surrogacy is definitely complicated but will be worth it if it works.  We all need a crystal ball!!!xxx


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## kaosfusion (Oct 24, 2011)

Sounds like this has been such an endurance race for you.  Personally, as I did, I would consider surrogacy.  Why now? I could carry on trying naturally but many surrogates tell me that one of the hardest and saddest things for them is working with 'broken' IPs (intended parents) and often say they don't know why couples take so long.

I of course understand why we do but considering it will realistically take time to be matched why not now? Based on my success rate =0% I reasoned that this had to be the logical next step for me me so far it has been all positives!

Good luck to you xxxx


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## olinaiti (Aug 23, 2011)

Good luck Kaos   !
My little one just turned 1y today. She was born through an US GS last year after a nearly 5y struggle of 10 miscarriages etc. For us it worked on the second go. I wish you all that are still on your surrogacy journeys the best of luck !


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## nevergiveup1 (Mar 23, 2008)

Hi, I have now had 2 babies with a surrogate. Dont wait.

Just start looking for a surrogate. it is a wondeful journey and leave the past in the past and move on....

There is no reason or requirement for you to continue trying and achieving a few more losses before you move on.

if you are ready and want to move on... then do it.
Only you know when you are ready...

Good luck in your journey!!!


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