# Silenty screaming - A poem



## freespirit. (Nov 24, 2004)

Silently screaming

Infertility &#8230;&#8230;.
Infertility has broken my soul,
Broken my heart,
Broken my dreams,
And taken my spirit,
Ravaged my mind,
Destroyed my life,
And Left me with a life in hell &#8230;&#8230;

Infertility has isolated me,
Turned me into a jealous monster,

Infertility makes me hurt so much,
I hurt to see women in the street with beautiful perfect babies,
I hurt to walk past the baby isle in the supermarket,

Infertility has mutilated me, scarred me,
Scarring me from the bottom of my aching heart to the core of my tortured soul,

Infertility has taken from me the life I loved and lived,
Infertility has put me in this deep dark abyss,
Alone and scared &#8230;&#8230;.

Not daring to imagine - but wondering every day, every waking moment, every hour , consumed with the question of when and what if and how , and what now , and how much more can i take ....

Praying to whom or what i don't know , pleading in desperate hope , staring at an orange spot and clutching a little pink stone....

Infertility is pushing my marriage to the limits 
We are together, yet I am so alone,
Inside me I'm screaming, yet nobody can hear &#8230;

Infertility has created in me bittersweet memories,
Memories of a happy carefree life I had once known
A life I will never be able to return to &#8230;.

Infertility causes such a longing in my battered broken heart,
The longing to be a normal happy woman, who will hold her baby with pride,

Infertility replaces counting days and months,
With countdowns to clinic appointments and drug deliveries,

Infertility replaces fun nights out with friends,
With sitting alone waiting to stab yourself with freak juice,
With seeking out cures and vitamins on the Internet,
Always searching for the missing link,
Always in pursuit of the magical answer &#8230;

Infertility makes you grieve for something you never had

Today infertility is really hurting me and I feel sad &#8230;&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;

By Freespirit


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## girlie (Jan 17, 2007)

those words sum it up totally

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## mazv (Jul 31, 2006)

Freespirit,

   I understand

Maz x


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

today of all days You've wrote out my thoughts,
Free darlin - one day you will be a mum 
~Dizzi~


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## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)

FRee & Dizzi 
Sending you both LOADS of  and   
Not long til I can do these in person  

Shelley Xxx


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## Marielou (Oct 18, 2003)

Oh free -     That really made me cry, loads of hugs and all my babydust,

Marie xxx


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## kitten77 (Nov 15, 2006)

oh freespirt - totally - the last line sums it up completley - infetility makes yoy grive for something you never had.


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