# Well meaning friend of just the opposite?? Advice Please



## Doris83 (Jan 28, 2012)

When we first started our ttc journey my best friend of 15 years offered to be a surrogate for us if we needed her to. We were astonished by her offer, thanked her but explained that surrogacy is hopefully an avenue that we wont have to go down, so we declined her offer.
Fast forward a few years and she keeps offering, even though i have explained time and time again that it is a lovely offer we still arent considering it. Everytime i update her on our progress, or get upset that we have a setback she just says 'well if you take me up on my offer you wont have to keep going though this'. She is also telling all of our friends about it, which i not only find a massive betrayal of trust (we had decided to only tell close freinds and family about our IF) I am starting to think the only reason she is telling people is because of the reaction she gets - people telling her how amazing she is and how selfless she must be etc
I am starting to avoid her as much as possible, which i hate doing, she is my best friend and usually the first person i turn to. Also not easy when we live about 5 houses apart.
Am i just overreacting? And if im not how do i deal with this situation? I feel like i havent got the energy to deal with this along with everything else ttc is taking out of me.


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## Pyra (Apr 1, 2012)

I don't think you are over-reacting at all. I would be so   were I in your place.

I do think you need to have a 1-1 with her and explain to her that while you appreciate her concern and her offer, you are following a treatment plan suited to your needs, which does NOT include surrogacy at all! Emphasize that you DO NOT appreciate her telling others about something that is so personal to you - something you have only shared with people you are very close to (her being one). I would also be cautious about sharing specific tx details with her for a while, so that you can gauge whether she has become more sensitive (and sensible!) Perhaps you can try to keep fertility tx out of your conversations. I have not told some very close friends (I look to all you ladies on FF for support), and that has not constrained our relationship so far.

All the best, hon!


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