# Does anyone feel like they have half a family?



## suzy

I feel like we're not complete. It might sound like a trivial complaint given that I have a beautiful healthy baby, but I'm not asking for anything unusual, just two children (its amazing how in one sense it sounds like an incredibly difficult thing to achieve, but in another way, for the lucky majority, how easily simple it sounds - so simple that they even have the luxury of timing the birthday of a child). 

I really really want to be gloriously pregnant, so I can say "I've got number 2 on the way", like half my friends are at the moment.

Bizarre as it sounds, I feel like my life changed so much after having ds, that I really want to do it "proplerly", and make it "worth it" with no. 2. There were lots of things in life that I have left to do that you can't do when you have young children (like go to India etc), and there was a time that I was very aware of the fork in the road and I took the children one. It has been the most rewarding and delightful thing in my life, and I would choose this pathway - with one child -  if I had my time again,  but another child would make my family complete.


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## ZoeP

Hi Suzy,

I understand exactly where you are coming from.  I have a son and although he is only 5months at the moment I would dearly love another baby to complete my little family.  I have been broody since he was 6 wks old on and off and at the moment I am particularly wanting to have another baby so they are close in age.

I know exactly what you mean about the fortunate people with no IF factors who plan exactly when they want their children in some circumstances.  I'm the only one in my immediate family who has had any issues with IF, and the others all have a minimum of two children and just tell me that I am lucky (I know I am extremely lucky to have my son) because more than one and they fight.  They don't know how much that hurts to hear that...I loved having a brother and sister and would like my son to be able to experience the same as well, fights and all.

Good luck in your future and I hope we do both manage to complete our families.
Take care
Zoe x


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## REC

Suzy I hear you loud & clear hun 
I always wanted four children, that was my ideal family number (I even picked out the names of my 2 boys & 2 girls   )
But circumstances beyond my control have left me with just one DD & struggling to complete even half my much wanted children.. My friends keep saying I wouldn't bother if i were you, you're lucky to have one   The thing that really grinds me is a friend who has 2 children keeps saying "well you wouldn't know how it is when they start arguing & bickering cos you've only got LJ" It's like she's got hold of my heart, ripped it out, stamped on it & shoved it back in again.. I don't even think she realizes just how much it hits a nerve when she says it..
Good luck for the future Suzy & I hope you get your dream 

Roz xx


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## emma73

No suprise to say that I too feel that my family is not complete, but sadly no matter how many more children I have it never ever will be. I can never bring Zac back and it will always be hard. In a way - this makes it a little easier to accept that perhaps I will never be able to have more children. I'm fully aware that life just isnt fair, and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it except to make the most of what you have.

But its sooooo difficult. Hang in there Suzy - with all the recent good news on our threads it surely must only be a matter of time before you are proudly posting us piccies of your bump. 

XX Emma xx


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## scruffyted

Hi

I have always wanted 2 children since I was 10 years old, people used to ask me what I wanted when i grew up and I said I wanted to be happily married and have 2 healthy children.

I know i am so blessed to have my DS but I so feel my family is not complete and it brakes my heart to think my DS will be an only child and that I may never have another   and the age gap is getting bigger the longer I keep trying  

I too was so so happy when we finally got our BFP but always said I would love another and not a day goes by when I don't feel "different" and not complete. I have friends who say I should except "maybe I'm only meant to have one" and each time a little bit of me dies. 

I so so hope all our dreams come true and we get to complete our family by having a sibling(s).

much love 
Scruffyted xx


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## Edna

Hi there,

I hope you don't mind me posting...

I've just had a beautiful little girl and love her to pieces, but I already know that I want a sibling for her. I can't imagine only having one child my family would always feel incomplete. Also I desperately want her to have what I've had, a close relationship to a brother or sister. My brother and sister have and still enrich my life and I don't want her to miss out on this experience. Fights and all.

I think its completely normal to feel this way and just part of the unfairness of Infertility that we even have to examine these feelings.

Lots of love.


Edna


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## spangle

Hello,

Couldn't agree more with you all. Check out my treatment history ! The longer it is taking the harder is gets as dd is getting older and even talks about another baby now. It feels almost like there is an empty room/place in our life.

I feel particularly vulnerable at the moment as have egg collection on Friday ! I am sure you all agree that the older our precious ones get the more difficult it gets to come to terms with it all being out of our hands-coping with friends etc having there second baby and the fact we can't just try each month.

Sending a big hug to all of you  I certainly don't feel alone with you all on this site saying things that I think !

love

Spangle


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## Mackintosh

Hello

I agree with you all too. I have two boys yet I still want more. And the guilt I have had to 
admit that has been massive. Always knew I wanted a large family. I do wonder though, is it
to do with the size of our families when we grew up?
I am one of five children, we were like a little community as our Nan lived with us and all
the various pets. I would love five children. When I was told IVF I thought getting one 
seemed forever away, yet within days of having my first I knew I wanted/needed more.

Here is wishing us all our many dream. I hope all our dreams come true.
Mackintosh


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## Ms Minerva

Yes, I feel like that too! I am desperate for a sibling for DD, more so I think because I am an only child and I have always hated it and I want DD to have a better, happier childhood than I had. I have wonderful parents, don't get me wrong, but I remember asking my mother for a brother or a sister. She didn't have fertilty problems, she just didn't want another child.

DD loves babies, which makes it worse

I am also aware of the increasing age gap that there will be between DD and any sibling, if I am every lucky enough to have one. DD loves babies, which makes it worse

I am also utterly fed up of people asking me when I am going to have my second! I have now got to the stage when I look them straight in the eye and tell them that I have fertility problems and that normally shuts them up!

Sorry for the rant, just gotta get these things off my chest sometimes.

Jules


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## owennicki

like the rest of you, i agree, it took me a little longer to admit it, yes, i wanted more than my DS, to start with i felt guilty, as if he didn't fill my life, but now i hold the thought that he is so wonderful, i just can't spend my life with out another one! 

Love Nicki x


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## fragile

hello, mind if i join you?  i am really new to this board so still trying to find my way around it & figure out what bubbles are?!?!?!

anyhow i have a lovely icsi ds he started off as a twin but i lost one early on. we had icsi last year & was amazed when it worked again for us & i got BFP but devastated when i m/c.  i thought then that i couldn't go through all that pain again but time has healed & the need for a second child has grown strong again so next month i will be starting my third & final TX.

i am terrified as this really is the last go due to funds & my other 2 TX haven't given us any frosties.  i am scared i have used up all my good eggs already & wont have any left that will fertilise or that if they do i wont be 3rd time lucky & have no idea how i will cope with that.  i haven't even started TX yet & already spend a great deal of time crying in desperation "what if it doesn't work" then i look at my beautiful boy & i know i was just so luck first time round.  i have been reading these boards & some women have had 7 or 8 trys & still no BFP & i feel so sorry & a little bit greedy for wanting more but i cant help it.  i always wanted 4 or 5 children and really hope that i get lucky again this time - it has to work doesn't it?  i know i can be pregnant so it simply HAS to work!!!  (keep saying to myself think positive & it will turn out positive - trying to beat the negativity demons away!!)

anyhow enough waffle just nice to get it all off my chest in a place where others know exactly how i feel  thanks

k x


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## Quiet storm

Ladies- i know how you feel.

I am still pregnant and am already speaking with DH about 2nd child, he wants us to wait 3yrs, but am not going to listen to him this time. he doesn't understand that if our 2 FE don't thaw then we will have to start the Ivf process again and am not gettung any younger nor are my eggs.


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## magoo

Hi to all of you  

This topic really hits home with me as im already lucky to have two very healthy children but really want a 3rd.

My son was conceived naturally and after lots of problems we were lucky to be able to give him a sister after our 2nd full cycle at ivf. He was 11 and 1/2yrs by then.

Altho hes not an only child any more i still feel guilty that he never had a brother/sister to grow up with and play games and even fight with  
I now find myself looking at my DD and feeling that she will in some ways grow up as an only child, i hope that makes sense.

I so want to have another child and like many of you always pictured myself with 3 children but unfortunately life doesnt work out how we expect it as we all know too well  

At the moment we cant afford to do any TX which makes for me getting fed up and VERY upset when friends announce they are pregnant again    i just wish it was me not them.

Jules your comment on how your DD loves other children so sounds like my DD she just lights up when she has company no matter what age. I do feel guilty.

Sorry am going on now and only wanted to say i knew how you all felt.

Good luck to you all with what ever TX you are doing or will be doing.

Take care
Rachel xxx


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## jann

Hi
New to this, but you can't believe how much hope your postings are giving me.    I am reading these and the day which started off so badly is beginning to feel a little less painful.  The feeling is always there, and you don't know quite when it is going to be a bad "why can't I have another baby" day, or an OK one.
I don't feel so lonely now.
Thanks to all
Jann


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## steph33

hi all 
this is my 1st time on this thread  i normally post on relationships ,secondary infertility and forget me not

i so much agree with the oringinal post my family is not complete 
i have a 9yr old dd and have benn with dp for almost 7yrs he is the best dad my dd has ever known as her real 1 chooses not to s her and he lives on the nxt road from me

i have lost 4 babies with my dp  
although i know he see's our dd as is own he missed out on 2yrs with her so he never shared all the hospital appoints getting happy news as we always get bad news 
he didnt c her take her 1st step or 1st word or sit up for the 1st time he didnt feel her kick wen i was preg i want to b able to share all that with him

b4 i met dp i had a pic done ov me and dd but now i want a family  1 but i dont feel now is the time as my family is not complete and i think if i have a pic done ov the 3 ov us then i am admitting my family is complete and that is to negative to think like that 

i am taking a break from ttc at the min but only so i can build up some more strengh and get my relationship bak to how it was with dp b4 we started ttc  b4 the stress ov it all breaks us up 

thanks for such a goos thread as i get sick ov people saying well at least u have got 1 they mean well but unless u are in the same situatiocarnt feel the pain we all feel 
good luck to u all 

steph


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## Mary M

Oh my God!!! I have a four month old little man whom I adore he is a delight I love him more than anything in the world , however I have a yearning for another child it seems to be so overwhelming, but the thing is I have not been on this site since I had him as Ithought that i am taking up space where other people who have no babies would need to vent....I am so pleased that I am not the only one that thinks like that. this past year has been amazing I got pregnant in April (after been told that I have a hormone imbalance -very little chance of concieving due to this) -got married in July, had my son Anthony in December and moved here to Dubai in February.  I too am being asked are you trying for number two yet? and I smile and say Anthony is too young yet, but deep down I really would love to be pregnant....
so I have started to mark my menstrual cycle again which is a bit topsy turvey 2 a month sometimes, can anyone give me ideas on what the best course of action to take is, My son was concieved accidentially. I am not on any contraception at the moment haven't been for 2 and a half years, 

Also I am delighted that I have connected here with some women that understand where I am coming from.  one last thing when is a good period of time before I go to see consultant again? 
wishing everyome  
Mary


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## Camilla

Hi girls,

Just wanted to say that I feel pretty much exactly the same as most of you here. My DD is 5 years old and would love a sibling. Before DH and I got married, we discussed how many children we wanted and I said six, he said "OK, I promise to father at least 3 of them". But I'm sure he would have come round if we'd had the chance! I still haven't stopped dreaming of a big brood, but now I'm thinking, if I could only have one more myself, then I'll adopt another couple of children. I just want to go through the whole amazing process of being pregnant and giving birth one more time. 

I no longer believe that I'll have six children, although I'll never stop dreaming. I keep thinking I'll have a big surprise and conceive naturally when I think I'm too old, like 45 or something. 

I too feel resentful sometimes that I've "given up" thinks to have children, like my career and financial security, and having "only" one child was not what I signed up for. It was good to hear someone else say that, because it sounds so horrible. I feel like I'm still waiting for my life to start, and I'm missing out on the full pleasure of seeing my daughter grow up because of that. I'm proud of her being such a big girl, but on the other hand I want to stop her growing any older until I've had another child. I feel that she senses the sadness in our family, and she is such a happy little thing, she doesn't deserve it. After 6IVFs and 1FET I'm beginning to look forward to the day when we have to pull the plug, no matter what the outcome, so that life can go on for all of us.

If I had a penny (preferably £1000) for each time someone had told me to be happy with what I have I'd be a rich woman. But whose business is that!!!  I feel that people snigger when I say I'd love to have six (so I don't admit it very often). Women who can conceive naturally don't get that ridicule for expressing a natural desire. I'd also like a large amount of money for every time someone's said (jokingly I hope) "why don't you borrow my husband, he's really fertile, he only has to look at me etc..." Has anyone else had that or do I have particularly insensitive and crude friends/family?

Good luck to all of you and I hope all your dreams come true.   

Love
Camilla


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## roy

dear friends 
you dont know how locky you are 
i have a 3 year old boy concieved with icsi
but now that i want another one its a matter of visa i cant 
go uk to do my treatments.


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## olwen

Hi ladies (and a special hello to a few familiar faces - ZoeP, Edna, MaryM  )

I am so glad I found this thread... my little one is only 3 months old (today!!) but ever since she was born I started feeling broody.  I've always wanted at least 3 children and I feel so blessed to even have one.  I never want her to feel like she wasnt enough if you know what I mean, BUT I want to be pg again and am even desperate to go through the birth again    

My dh and I have decided not to use any contraception and I think we are both deluding ourselves and thinking we will conceive naturally once I stop breastfeeding, but I guess I should start thinking about plan B so I dont get too down if that doesnt happen.  On a practical note, does anyone know how long I would need to wait between stopping breastfeeding and having another cycle.  We had said we'd wait until next year so my body could recover a bit, but I'm really impatient.  I havent yet told my dh exactly how impatient I am feeling, but I just want to be pg again.....

Love to you all,

Olwen xx

PS - Spangle - best of luck for EC hun


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## Lisa_P

Ladies this is my firt time on this thread, I usually post on the donor thread. As you';; see I have a wonderful 22months old ds - he's the most precious thing to me! he was concieved on our 2nd diui.  We decided to try for a sibling early this year and got a BFP early march but then sadly mc. Have started our next cyle only to be told yesterday that there are no white donors available and it doesn't look like theyll be any until Sept, if then! cylce abandoned and I feel really crappy.
DH says, at least we've got ds! but allllllllllllll of my friends are on baby no2, I want to have another baby 
the lack of donors is a huge problem and it's having a terrible impact onthe number of couples being able to get treatment.

  
LIsa


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## helen brawn

Hi i know excatly where you are coming from. Although i have Jennifer who is now 3 i would dearly love another child. she kept me content until she was around 18 months. She is a very active child and she was 18 months old before i thought i could cope with was another child. How naive i was to think i could have another attempt and it would work. We have had 2 frozen cycles and 1 fresh. The fresh attempt failed on Christmas day last year.( I got my period ) We had timed it so we would know the result before Christmas but the nasal spray didn't stop my period so i had to carry on taking it for an extra 2 weeks. Which ment we would have the result at Christmas. Just had bad news yesturday my dh went for a merc test to freeze sperm and there wasn't any there. We had this happen to us a year before i conceieved Jennifer. This time though i had already gone though all the treatment before the hospital notified us they hadn't managed to save any sperm. So the cycle was abanded on the day of egg colletion. Trying to stay positive we are going to leave it a month and then try and do the test again. sorry if i have gone on. helen


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## Wicklow

I am with you girls. I have a beautiful 2year old from 1st IVF with donor sperm (before the new rules came in). We had a FET with our only 2 remaining embryos and got a BFP last week. It was our only try to get a sibling as we know the donor problem is rediculious now and I couldnt put myself through it again. We know how blessed we are with ds and that we have another BFP we are just praying all will be ok as its very early days
Ruth


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## sush

Hi Ruth

Congratulations! that is brilliant news ! I'm so glad you had BFP after FET. I hope everthing goes well for you over the next few months. It may be early days , but getting pg is half the battle. 
Take care and by the way Alfie looks gorgeous !

Love 
Sue xxx


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