# counselling for bfn



## mojojane34 (Oct 20, 2006)

Hello,
I've just had my first (and only nhs) ivf, result - bfn. The hosp said everything looked like it was going really well, good response to drugs, two top grade embryos put back in. i just don't know what went wrong (frustration that I'm sure many of us feel when this happens). 

Anyway my clinic has suggested talking to their counsellor, (DH and I waiting for a follow up consultation in a few months.) I've agreed to the counselling session, but now I'm wondering what I'm going to say, I'm thinking that i should forget about the session because if i start talking i will prob cry and feel worse. Was wondering if anyone has been to see a counsellor about their situation and has this helped?

Sorry this prob sounds like a stupid question but its really worrying me. 
Hugs to everyone on this board,
Jane xx


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## Flopsy (Sep 18, 2003)

Hi Jane,

So VERY SORRY to hear about the BPN.

It really depends on your emotional "make-up". Some people find crying a release and the opportunity to do this with a stranger very freeing.

There is another school of though that finds trauma can increase and become more stressful if discussed - esp. in the wrong situation.

Do you have any experience of dealing with trauma before that would indicate which camp you are in?

Some people find talking things through with a family member or friends better.

I saw 2 different counsellors when going through IVF. The first was at a NHS clinic and was horrible. The woman was dreadful. She would not exists as a councillor in the "real world" (i.e. out of the NHS).

The second was at a private clinic and brilliant.

There is however the possibility that a councellor will have a vested interest in defending the clinic. Have you checked to see if the proceedures and success rates at your clinic are OK. Some are so low that women are largely wasting their time.

When it boils down to it we don't want counselling - we want a baby!

I'm one of the lucky people who do find that talking things through with a stranger (and being able to cry) very helpful.

It just depends on what emotional style suits you. Councillors are used to people crying and have tissues to hand for the event.


Hope this helps!

Kindest regards


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## mojojane34 (Oct 20, 2006)

Hi Flospy

Thanks so much for the advice. 

The counsellor I'm due to see is with the nhs, to be honest i had a job getting an appointment because they are so busy at the moment.

I'm fortunate in that i've never had to seek counselling before. I'm just very conscious of 'going on' about it to my family or friends as they don't really understand what its like. 
As far as my DH is concerned this cycle is over and done with, he doesn't want to talk to anyone, not even his family, about it. thats just his way of dealing with it.

My best friend is good to talk to but even she has made comments like 'you could always adopt' but she really means well.
I think I will give the session a go and if I cry then she or he will just have to sit there and pass me the tissue box!!

I would just like to get out of this 'limbo' place that you seem to get stuck in.
Thanx again, Janexx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Hi Jane

i would say go for it hun and if you come away feeling that it wasn't for you then you don't have to do it again   but if it turns out to be helpfull then great 

let us know how you get on

pam xx


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## girlie (Jan 17, 2007)

Hi Jane

Just wanted to say how sorry I am about your BFN.  We had a BFN on our 1st ICSI and have just had our 2nd ICSI abandoned last week.  After our tx was abandoned we went to see a consellor and I have o say it really helped us both, yes I cried, I tried not to but it just all comes out and she was great, they have the tissues ready for you!  I found that it helped me and dh to talk and rant about our feelings to someone on the outside so to speak. We wil also be going back as and when, or if we feel we need to.
Please give it a go hun if you find you dont like it you dont have to go back.

Let us know how you get on

take care xxx


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## hrq (Aug 29, 2007)

Hi Jane,

I've seen counsellors before and it has helped. Sometimes it's difficult to relax and let go in front of a stranger at first, but they are generally very good at getting you to open up. In some ways it's better than talking to your friends and family because you can say exactly what you feel without having to worry about how they will take it or whether they will judge you etc. Personally I think that having a good cry is therapy in itself, and I'm sure a counsellor almost expects it during a session, so don't feel you have to hold back.

Am waiting to see one myself after our last BFN. Hopefully we'll both be feeling better about things soon!
Best of luck,
H x


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