# sister-in-law pregnant



## Sunset

We got married 6 months after my husband's sister got married. We have now been married a few months. My sister-in-law recently announced that she's pregnant (she must have got pregnant around the time of our wedding). I am happy for her and her husband. My husband's parents are delighted - this will be their first grandchild.
I am happy for her and her husband. But I'm also a little jealous! We got engaged, then they got engaged. They got married and then we got married. Not they're expecting a baby... the next 'natural' step I guess.
We're v happily married and we got married knowing that having children isn't an option for me. We don't have to through the heartache of trying and every month being disappointed. Already we have people asking when we're going to have children; how many children would we like; remarking that we have an 'extravagent' lifestyle (we don't).
We have agreed that we're not going to have children. I've talked DH into getting a dog! When people ask questions it's like someone is pulling out my heart. DH has started to say 'some people don't want children, and some people can't have them.. we'll see what happens'. I want us to have a happy marriage together. We got married because we love each other and we want to spend our lives together, building a future together. I feel guilty the DH will never be a Daddy.
People ask insensitive questions. I feel like a rabbit caught in the head lights when people ask. What do I say!!! Why shouldn't I just tell them - 'that's a decision that's been taken out of our hands. It's the hardest thing to cope with and I don't think I'll ever fully come to terms with it'. I can't see myself ever saying that as I'd prob end up in floods of tears!
Sorry for ranting. x


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## Debs

Hi Sunset  

I totally agree with your comment about why not tell people - I never used to tell people but now I do and I have to say its much easier.  Its not easy to decide to tell people but now that I have I dont get as many questions as I used to.  Initially people did say why dont you try this or that - but I simply told them straight that whilst their suggestion may work on someone else - it wouldnt do me any good what so ever.... and then I quickly changed the topic of conversation before I did burst into tears  

For me I struggled with the pregnancies of my sil but when the babies were born - I fell in love immediately.  I hope this may be the same for you.

Big hugs to you.

Love

Debs xxx


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## girl nextdoor

Hi sunset
I know just how you feel with the sister in law announcement. My SIL who is also my best friend from school announced her pregnancy about 3 months after her wedding. It was very painful for me when all of the family were so excited. Now the baby is here I do love him very much. But it still hurts. People know about our 'sitaution' as most refer to it...primarily because they all know my husband had cancer and in a way I'm glad they do as otherwise, as you say, you are subject to questions that you don't want to publicly give the answers to. Do what feels right for you, if you feel you can tell people it may mean you're not put on the spot anymore.
Xxx


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## Sunset

Hi Girls,
Thanks for your replies. You know what it's like - when you're going out with someone people ask 'when are you getting engaged?'. When you're engaged people ask 'when are you getting married'. When you're married people ask 'when are you having children?'... And so it continues. I guess I'd love nothing more than to announce that we're pregnant. 
Generally (other things!) I guess I'm not having a great time at the minute.
I'm heading out with the girls tomorrow night-looking forward to it!
I just find the whole thing v difficult to talk about - its just rubbish isn't it!?
Trying to count my blessings - health, happy marriage, good friends, close family.... 
Off to bed... Xo


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## Sunset

The baby has arrived. He is absolutely beautiful! For me, there are mixed emotions.
I just want reassurance that DH isn't wishing that we were able to have a baby... like me perhaps! I've shed a few tears since he was born which doesn't make me feel great about myself. Jealousy isn't good! DH thinks that there's no point in wishing for something that isn't going to happen.
I just wish so so much that things were different. But this is how it is. Trying v hard to be grateful for all that I have.... but somedays I just feel like it's all just awful and so unfair!
Off to eat some chocolate.....


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## Debs

Sunset you will have mixed emotions hun   and jealousy is most certainly allowed  

Just remember to look after yourself and dont do things to please other people eg family get togethers - just do them if you feel you can - if you dont feel up to it then just make your excuses  

Im sure this little fella will melt your heart on more than one occassion but you have a lot of love to give so being a great auntie is one way of sharing that love. 

No doubt you will shed a few more tears yet - and thats allowed too    Its a difficult emotional time for you - just take one day at a time but most importantly - look after you  

Big hugs  

Love

Debs xxx


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## Forgetmenot

We are waiting the announcement of another baby on the way from the sil.... but thankfully, this should be the last.

Like you there are many mixed emotions... I love all of my neices and nephews... and now our journey is over, I am hoping that we will develop even stronger links with them in time.

I feel like life is passing us by, but am sure once all the baby stage is over... they have the stroppy teenage phases to get through, before weddings in 20 years time!!!!!!!  Next stage to feel pangs....

I am just beginning to process the news that I wont be a mummy and its killing me... but as each day starts a new, we are still here and standing.  I have been reliably informed that life goes on and its ok  so heres hping!

Every cuddle with babies I feel those pangs... and wishing they were mine, but I guess we all lead different paths in life.  I hope that you are good to yourself, and know that DH wants to be with you... not the baby machine that you are or arent (this is my biggest thing to get head around!!!! but he still wakes up with me every day, and I know, deep down he will always be here).  I am not sure what the point is I am trying to make, but tears, tantrums, anger, fustration, pain, hurt, jealousy are all allowed.... but there is also love.  I you will just love that little boy too.  And he will have an amazing aunty xx


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