# Advice needed



## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi,

Dont normally post on this thread but felt it more appropiate on here.

Have our little girl 5 months now and is now 17 months old.

She settled in really well from the start meeting all developmental milestones and is an absolute delight love her to bits.

She bonded well with both me and dh and has a particular strong attachment to myself probably because I spend the most time with her.

She has a very outgoing personality, sociable smiley etc and extremely cute and attracts a lot of attention whereever we go, ie people comment on  her hair pat her head etc.

Me and my mum have been going to one of these playgyms weekly since she was placed with us, and she has always been appropiate with strangers ie not overfamiliar but will smile say bye bye that sort of thing, however today she completely took me by surprise as she went up to one of the mums who she doesnt really know and has only met on one occasion previously I dont know her but have chatted with her a bit as you do in these places! and put her arms up so she could be picked, the mum did pick her up and she sat on her knee she showed her a keyring with a photo in which got her attention, I then called her over myself as I had got her drink, she promptly drank it and went straight back over again doing the same thing again I was absolutely mortified, I said to the mum that she doesnt normally do this and at this point my littly climbed back down.

I am trying not to over analyze or jump to any conclusions as I think can be vey easy with adopted children (correct me if I'm wrong here), but it did concern me that she might start to do this more often or is she just becoming more confident and less wary of strangers or do i have something to worry about? is there any advice or tips on how to manage this without offending others and overreacting.

Thanks a lot

Dawn


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Dawn

I am not is the same position as you YET however i wanted to just post to give you a big  

Hugs

M J
xxx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

Dawn our DD's sound extremely similar, mine is a people magnet and i often wonder if blowing kisses bye to the lady behind the till is appropriate   funnily enough i had a similar thing happen today..DD (age 2 and 1 month) happily went off out back with one of the young girls at the hairdressers (where we've never been before), out of my sight to get a biscuit..she did come running back out straight back to me though which reassured me. part of me was happy that she was confident enough to do it and part of me did exactly what you've done and starting analysing whether it was normal/alarming. i dont know which it is right now but i'm erring on the side of normal for my sanity! i also did something i dont usually do and last night read the 'other' forum that often gets mentiioned here..as usual frightened me half to death so fears and worries about everything were already heightened in my mind 
it sounds like she has attached very well to you ..i would say just keep an eye on it..if she does it again perhaps take her onto your lap and do something with her thats very tactile or eye-contacty just to re-inforce the mummy bond.. something like incy-wincy or row-row..or a peep-bo game..or a hand massage with some handcream from your handbag. i wouldnt worry about offending anyone by removing your child from their laps..stranger danger teaching starts from an early age and i wouldnt be happy if DD was merrily sitting on some complete strangers lap. you can jokey about it and say 'she's such a flirt' and roll your eyes but firmly remove her and distract her.
try not to worry..but i do sypmathise..i hope some of the 'older' adopters on here can say these worries disappear in time

kj x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Dawny

Firstly  ... I can feel your anxiety from here.

Our DD was 19mths old when placed, and as she was used to being in a very busy foster house, she was very tactile towards lots of people. She bonded and settled very well with us, but we did notice around 2-3 months after she arrived, she did seem to get overly confident about talking to complete strangers. I initially worried about the fact that she could be taken quite easily by a stranger, because she was so trusting. The idea of attachment issues, never crossed my mind to be honest. I think it was an age thing. They find their feet (literally!), gain the confidence, and then of course anyone showing any interest and attention, God! They are straight there!
I remember trying to explain that she needed to stay with Mummy, and not wander off anywhere, I do have a memory of telling her not to kiss everyone she met, just mummy and daddy (she went through that phase, and that worried me slightly!), and then she grew out of that phase and was soon onto clingy and shy! 
I honestly put ours down to age-appropriate behaviours. Just learning new things and testing her confidence and our patience and nerve!
In the 3 years she's been here, she's mainly been a confident and outgoing little girl, but we have had the periods of shyness and clinginess, when you take them to visit someone you've always known, and she crams her fist into her mouth and frowns, and doesn't mutter a sound until you've left! So there's a warning, it will come, and that can be just as worrying, and frustrating! 
A colleague of mine brings her grandchild into work every now and again, and I see in him all the little funny ideas that my DD used to have! Infact he came yesterday and although he's going through his shy stage, and doesnt normally even look at anyone, he was shown some attention, and was very happy to go off with a relative stranger, out of view of his nan. So this shows that it doesn't always happen because a child is adopted!

Try not to worry too much

 x


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi ever,

Just missed your post as was replying to the other two when it came through 

Massive thanks you have reassured me know end thats what I love about this site because you get such a balanced view and some advice, I am not going to worry anymore, I am a bit of a worrier anyway perhaps a tad neurotic  at times which doesnt help and thanks to this site my dh gets less hassle 

thanks again

Dawn


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi mj and keemjay,

Thought I'd replied to your posts but it doesnts appear to of come up 

thanks mj for your hug and thanks keemjay for your advice I havent tried the hand cream before but will now sounds a lovely idea.

I also frequent the other site from time to time when I am looking for something but it often leaves me feeling negative and a tad paranoid.

I also think that my little one is very confident in this playgym because we go everything week its quite small and personal when we go to other ones she is more cautious and stays by my side which is good i guess.

thanks again

Dawny

xxxx


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