# Devastated



## Roo.H. (Dec 19, 2011)

Forgive me I don't know all the abbreviations. I don't know what to do, but feel I need to tell anyone who will listen of how I'm feeling. I'm 39 and DH is 47. He has 2 kids from 1st marriage and had vasectomy some 15 years ago, so a reversal was a none starter.  Due to vasectomy and him having kids we could not get funding from NHS, to add insult to injury his ex has since met someone else and had a baby naturally when she was 43! Now I,ve just spent what little savings I had on IVF/ICSI.  My DH had surgical sperm retreval which went in the deep freeze, whilst I was prepared. Carn't remember my hormone level, think it was top of the "low" bracket, told it was an age thing, but consultant was positive.  I also have a fibroid, approx size of tennis ball, but told that it wasn't in the way of ovaries etc. so no need for it to be removed, which is major surgery.  I had Burserelin injections for down reg and Menopur for ovarian stimulation.  Had 8 eggs collected on 09.12.11, 7 fertilised.  We waited until day 5 to see if best 2 got to blastocyst stage. Was told only 1 was "nearly " there, so had 1 embryo transferred on 14.12.11, which was a drama, as they had trouble getting the impliment through my cervix, it was really painful.  Sadly none of the other embryos were able to be frozen.  Was ok for a couple of days then AF type pains kicked in 4 days later, which were bad for a couple of days, day 8pt, brownsh blood began up until Christmas Eve morning when AF appeared...totally devastated   Nothing prepared me for the emotional and physical pain of this 2ww,  I found more from this site than hospital information! Does anyone have similar storey or who has fibroid like me. What a start to the New Year, would love to try again if I can get the funds together, need to go for a chat with the hospital first.  Thanks for listening, lots of hugs to everyone else in same boat x


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

I don't have a similar story but 6 failed transfers with my eggs and DH's sperm followed by 2 failed donor egg transfers and each failure is so painful. I just want to say never give up hope. This site will help u through the hard times. It really is tough ans very unfair infertility. I wish u all the luck on ur journey.

Kay xxx


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## karenanna (Dec 27, 2008)

Hi roo - wanted to send you a huge hug and say don't give up. My DH also had a vasectomy and then a failed reversal. We had 4 failed ICSI attempts before we moved clinics and I got pregnant with twins - I was 38 at the time and beginning to give up hope. There is nothing that prepares you for the emotional roller coaster of IVF and the 2ww - I can still remember the constant knicker checking and the feeling of being cheated when I got bleeding during the 2ww. It also seemed so unfair that we couldn't get NHS treatment and had to bankrupt ourselves for the treatment. I also had one of my BFNs on Christmas day 3 years ago - such a hard time of year.

Spend some quality time with your DH over the rest of the Christmas period - then definitely have a follow up appointment.

KA xxx


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## Elizzybeth (Jul 27, 2011)

Hi Roo.H.

I'm so sorry this cycle did not work. It is always devestating but I think the holidays make it harder. There is a forum for fibroids here by the way. It is under Diagnosis then Uterine Issues.  I know the wonderful woman who is the Moderator (Sheilaweb) has a section for success stories with fibroids too.  I sincerely wish your next cycle gives you a baby in your arms.

Elizzybeth


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## Roo.H. (Dec 19, 2011)

Thanks for the support, DH and I are off to the pictures tomorrow to watch Mission Impossible and going for a bite to eat afterwards, first time out for such a long time, really looking forward to it.  A few close family members have found out what's happended to me and have been really supportive, so much so one of my close Auntie's has offerered to help out financially for our second attempt, so I may not need to get a second job after all!!


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## Roo.H. (Dec 19, 2011)

Thanks Elizzybeth, will have a look at the forum re fibroids...I'm at the questions stage of why did it go wrong?  

IVF is an experience whereby your body cycle is taken control of by the drugs, nurses etc., but for all the amazing knowledge, technology they have its purey down to luck at the end of the day and I've felt I've had no control over what gone on inside me for the past couple of weeks, but taking each day at a time, thanks for the advice and support.

Ruth  x


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## Elizzybeth (Jul 27, 2011)

Roo.H.

That's fantastic news that you will have help to finance another go!!  The costs add up so rapidly and that must be a huge relief for you and DH.  

It is difficult when you feel fine but your body doesn't cooperate. I hope your next cycle will allow you to feel more in control and will be successful!

Enjoy the pictures and Happy Holidays.

Elizzybeth


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## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)

negative cycle chatter
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=278545.0


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