# New to FF. 41, just found out 1st IVF attempt failed.



## Kris76 (Oct 18, 2017)

Hi all
I'm new to FF. Came across this network when I recently went to the fertility show at Olympia. 
My partner and I, 41, have been trying to conceive for over a year with no success. 
We are at the Lister...having switched from ARGC, who I found to be so aggressive, inhuman and only seemed interested in selling me every side test they could think of. 
The Lister are great and taking the nasal spray and injections, I didn't respond very well and only had 4 eggs collected. Only 1 egg fertilised, which was transferred on the 11th December. I was due to test on Christmas day. However, I got my period yesterday. The devastation was immense. I haven't stopped crying. 
I haven't told my family I'm doing this, only two friends know. They don't understand what I'm going through. My partner is supportive but it doesn't effect him as it does me. He'll happily carry on childless. 
I thought I would join this network to chat to like-minded women. All coping tips are welcome, especially at this time of year. All our families are in Australia, so it's just my partner and I this Christmas.


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## AMac44 (Dec 15, 2017)

I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry it didn't work for you this time - heartbreaking, especially at Christmas. The Lister is meant to be an incredible place. Unfortunately it's a long journey and hard to pick yourself up after such a crashing disappointment. Please try to explain to your partner how devestated you are, you must not carry this grief on your own. I don't have anything to say that will help but please do not feel you are alone. Take good care of yourself over the coming days.


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## Rio2016 (Aug 24, 2016)

Sending loads of love. I was the same after my first IVF cycle. It’s just so sad. I told a few friends after my first round and that helped. Lots of support here too. X


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## Ljp64 (Nov 23, 2013)

Sorry to hear this *Kris*. I was 41 when I had my first cycle and I had 4 eggs collected to. That cycle ended in mc so different to you I know. All I can say is be open minded and don't give up but do talk and use this site for support. For me it was invaluable. I remember the devastation of a failed cycles and how amazing it was to know there are people who feel the same. 
Good luck on your journey xx


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## Dory10 (Aug 6, 2013)

Hello Kris

Welcome to FF . I'm sorry that your first attempt wasn't successful, it's so hard to go through a cycle and it not result in a baby. Here's a link to the over 40s section http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=162.0. You might find it helpful.

Dory 
Xx


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## Tootles (May 9, 2017)

Hi Kris
So sorry to read your post.  If it's any help at all, I found that the first round of IVF is the worst when it doesn't result in a baby, but after that it somehow gets more manageable, at least in my experience. I was 41 on my first go. I'm now 42 and have just had my second failed attempt.  This time I was so much more able to cope, and manage things. I've also gained some perspective and whilst of course I want a child, I have realised that it's not going to be the end of anyone's life if it doesn't happen. I have hope but I am realistic. A measured approach to IVF is, for me, essential, otherwise it can take over and that doesn't help anyone and it certainly doesn't increase your chances.  I hope you can grieve, but most of all I hope you can get back in the IVF saddle and look forwards to trying again. Try new things, explore accupunture, diet, meditation, vitamin supplements.  Cry, and then dry your eyes. It's amazing how strong we women are. Sending you lots of love xx


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## kittykat76 (Jan 17, 2016)

So sorry to read your 1st cycle didn't work, as tootles said the 1st cycle is the hardest as you always think it will work and when it doesn't it hits you hard, it somehow gets easier to cope after that. My 1st cycle was abandoned just before Christmas 3 yr ago and I was devastated as it was the one scenario I just hadn't prepared for, slightly different situation to you I know, but my clinic said that the 1st cycle is trying to work out how your body responds etc so the Lister can adjust your treatment if you are cycling again and hopefully get a better response. Its so hard especially at this time of the year and you also have hormonal side affects of dugs to deal with too. Take time to grieve and do whatever it takes to get through it


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## Kris76 (Oct 18, 2017)

Thanks so much ladies. It really helps reading your words of encouragement. There were a lot of tears over Christmas.  
Yes, Tootles, I may have to try and come to terms that it may not be possible for me, or look down the egg donor route.


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## Ljp64 (Nov 23, 2013)

I had a dermoid cyst  like you and lost an ovary. I had my son at 44 with donor eggs. Should you decide to carry on there's always hope.Remember for many many women it does work out in the end.


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## Kris76 (Oct 18, 2017)

Hi Ljp64
That is encouraging to hear.  I am so glad it worked out for you.  I hope I can say the same for myself.


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