# Own wedding and IVF



## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

I was going to say this was a dilemma but it isn't as such; I just feel like I need to get my thoughts down on paper to people who understand the whole IVF rigmarole!

So I'm getting married next October and we actually booked it a year ago - two years in advance.  I'd been hoping one of our icsi cycles would have worked and we'd have a little one at the wedding with us.  They didn't and we are now moving to donor sperm and a new clinic.  As we are using a donor we are going to do iui (as in theory I have no fertility issues so may not need ivf).  We thought we'd do a 3 cycle package and see how it goes.  

Anyway, given the current time of year, any fertility treatment in the near future could have a direct impact on our wedding.  As we are now inside a year to go, we can't postpone or cancel it without incurring 50% of the cost.  We've also put down deposits for suppliers and told all our friends the date (in the spirit of not putting your life on hold!).  We might do our first iui at the end of November which, if successful, would give a due date of 4 weeks before the wedding.  Can't imagine coping with a newborn, the feeding, being sore from potential c section on the day etc and lack of sleep.  Then if round 1 doesn't work, I wondered if to skip Dec, Jan and Feb and then do round 2 in March to be clear enough of the wedding.  It might mean I'd be 7 months pregnant on the day but at least not 9 months pregnant!  I tried on my dream dress yesterday and remember thinking that if I was pregnant I definitely wouldn't be able to wear it (even though I want to be pregnant more than anything and it's far more important than a dress!).  I think I'm just frustrated with life constantly being on hold as it's been 4 years since we started ttc.  

It all goes round in my head, all the 'what ifs' but my partner gets really peed off if I bring it up again.  He's so chilled about it all.  He is adamant though, even if I was due a week before or after the wedding, we can't move the date now.  As I'm 40 I can't put off fertility treatment and I'm sick of all the waiting but I might have to skip Dec, Jan and Feb for peace of mind.  Even tempted to wait until next Spring/Summer but that's probably not a good idea as I'd be nearly 41 then.  It feels silly in a way as it probably won't work anyway but there is always that outside chance.  Even if we changed the date to 2018 and then decided to continue with fertility treatment, the new date could end up being impacted too.  I find it so hard as there is no way of knowing what's going to happen.  Having a baby is the most important thing but I also don't want to be looking huge or struggling with a newborn on my wedding day whilst trying to look great and be sociable. That has probably all come out sounding wrong!


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## Ditzygirl (Jun 8, 2016)

I totally understand where you're coming from. We've put off so many things and things have passed us by because of the 'what ifs'. It's really difficult to offer advice because I'm not sure what I'd do in your situation. I totally appreciate your dilemma but I've not been in your position so it's difficult to comment. 

Here's what I'd like to think I'd do in this situation- Go ahead with treatment and if successful, work the wedding around it. Found your dream dress? That's amazing! Discuss your situation with the company/dress maker. I'm sure they could make something work. xxx


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## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

Just typed along reply and then lost it as the server went down!  Argh!  Thank you so much for your reply though, quite right xxx


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## Ditzygirl (Jun 8, 2016)

Oh no! So annoying!

I hate this kind of decision! Sometimes I wish I could employ someone to make all my decisions for me. Would make life so much easier! xx


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## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

Me too.  I wish I could just know if it's going to work or not.  If I knew that it was going to be more unsuccessful treatment at least I'd know!!


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## Ditzygirl (Jun 8, 2016)

I know, it's so frustrating. You feel like your whole life is on hold :-( xx


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi,

Totally understand how you feel.  We TTC for 4 years and in that time could never book anything.  When we were told we needed fertility treatment, my sister had her hen week abroad booked up right in the middle of when our treatment would start.  She wasn't happy that I couldn't commit to it, but we just never knew what the outcome would be.

Just crack on with your treatment and I wish you all the best. 

X


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## KDJay (Sep 21, 2015)

Just crack on with treatment, if it works and u have to deal with baby or belly at your wedding that will be a brilliant problem to have! X


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## Angedelight (Aug 17, 2012)

I say go ahead. You'll feel more resentful of treatment and this whole situation if you can't plan things. Like KDJay said a baby or a belly at the wedding would be fabulous either way!!. At least it gives you something other than all this to think about by planning. 
We just buy tickets for gigs/festivals now hoping we will be able to cancel them/or sell them if we can't go rather than feel bitter we have missed out because of all this.
I have ticket for Glastonbury festival next year- I'm so hoping come April I can cancel it!! 😂
Xx


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## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

Thanks ladies.  Yes the main reason for keeping the date was that I knew how devastated I'd feel if the treatment doesn't work and then we'd changed the weddding.  

It's impossible to know what's going to happen and it does make me a bit stressed.  If there isn't enough time to do my end of November cycle, December is out as the clinic closes for Christmas and then I really feel I need to skip Jan and Feb as I could end up being 8 or 9 months pregnant on the day.  I get really worried about leaving it too long because of my age and how much my fertility will decline.  I've even though about leaving it until June as then I'd only be potentially 4 months pregnant on the day (if it worked) and not too big.  That would be nearly a year since my last treatment though.  Decisions!


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## lemongrass (Sep 19, 2015)

Magic - I agree with the others - go for it! To be honest, even if you're 8 or 9 months pregnant, chances are you will be feeling totally fine and more than able to handle the wedding.  I am not much younger than you and I know every pregnancy is different but I was working up til one week before my c-section (so 39 weeks).  So try not to stress! Xx


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## Clairemariearan (Nov 5, 2015)

Hi magic

Congratulations on the forthcoming wedding! 

I've been trying for 3.5 years with my husband and just over a year of that has been having 5 rounds of IVF treatment. There are life decisions and events I turned down (going to a friends wedding in India) and some that I've gone along with (accepting a management promotion) despite thinking I shouldn't. I have only ever regretted the things I turned down and put on hold. I suppose that's because I haven't had a successful cycle yet, but even if I had, I hope that the joy of pregnant would outweigh the disappointment of missing out or having to cancel something. Plus I find now that not putting my life on hold helps me cope with the upset of failed cycles because I have other things to look forward to.

I suppose what I am saying is just go for it! If it works, you will find a way. I wish you every luck xxxxc


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