# Telling work about IVF



## Dotty80 (Jul 12, 2015)

Has anyone had any experience of telling work about their IVF as a single woman?
I feel like I need to tell my boss, as I'm fed up of making excuses, but worried about how he'd take it. 
I think he'd be understanding, but wanted to hear of other people's experience in doing this.


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

Personally, unless there is a positive IVF policy in place, I wouldn't!
I was lucky - sort of - that work knew of my history of gynae issues, so I used these as the reasons for my absences and was lucky that some visits were timed with my annual leave.
My reasons for saying the above, is that IVF is deemed a life choice, so effectively you do not have to be granted leave nor pay for it, which IMO causes more potential stress.

Good luck MMI+1


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## natclare (May 27, 2011)

Hello, I had IVF but only for egg and embryo freezing and did not tell work. I told them I was having "medical treatment" and my clinic offered to write them a letter to explain my absences, although I think I declined because the words "fertility clinic" kind of gave it away. The lady trained in HR (admittedly small company and she did not have much training) told me that I did not have to tell her what it was for, but I could if I wanted to, and the company just wished me all the best with a speedy recovery / positive outcome. I was frequently late for work, in at 11am instead of 8.30am, but everyone was very relaxed about it and I think were just worried that my "medical treatment" could be more serious and life threatening. Only in my 3rd cycle did I tell my colleague because she had to cover meeting/presentations and I could not guarantee I would not be away for those critical days if I were needed for egg collection that day. My 4th and 5th I didn't tell anyone as they were abroad and those were easily the easiest to do as I was on holiday. Honestly, I don't think I'd tell my boss, unless I absolutely had to, although my current boss has IVF twins (and is a man) so I may be tempted when the time comes to use my embryos. Good luck.


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## Dotty80 (Jul 12, 2015)

Thanks for your replies.
My work does have a good ivf policy, so I have that on my side. There have also been colleagues who have had full support for their ivf. It's just the being single bit I'm worried about. 
Everyone so far has been supportive, and I always think honesty is best, which is why I've found keeping it secret so difficult. 
At the moment I really think for my own sanity I'd be best off coming clean, but I know that once I do there is no going back!


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

There's also no keeping the fact you used ds to yourself as everyone WILL know and though that is not to be ashamed of, you can't take it back once its out there!


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Hi Dotty, I'm single and currently nearly 32 weeks pregnant following IVF. I only told a few people about the IVF initially at work who were very supportive and wasn't planning on telling my boss but things got a bit stressful so I ended up telling my boss I was about to have IVF (at this point she didn't know I was single and obviously just presumed I was in a relationship). Since announcing my pregnancy I have been very open at work as to how baby was conceived as would rather people asked questions and knew the truth than made up stories in their heads! Everyone has been fully supportive (and I work with a lot of people!) and my boss now knows I am single. Your boss should not treat you any differently during your IVF treatment whether you are single or not. I was very surprised by how supportive people have been, how curious people are (in a good way!) and how there are a few men I work with who I think have took it upon themselves that they will be honorary dads! But ultimately it needs to be your decision what and when you tell people.xx


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## Dotty80 (Jul 12, 2015)

Thank you for your positive post. I think I feel the same way as you, in that I'd rather people be able to ask me about it, than make assumptions. I'm 95% sure that I am going to tell him, as I truly believe it'll reduce my stress levels.

As for the donor sperm issue, it is nothing to be ashamed of. And in some ways by keeping it secret it's making it into a bigger thing than it is (not that it's not been a massive decision, but it's a much more sensible decision than a one night stand, or a partner you don't love). And if a child was to be born from it it would have to become a normal part of life for them (as I'd always be honest about where they came from), so the quicker I make it normal in my life the easier it'd be...if that makes any sense?!
Xx


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

It makes total sense Dotty! Exactly how  feel. I thought if I was open and honest with everyone from the beginning (not that it is anyone elses business though to be fair) it mean my child would not see it as something to hide or be ashamed of. I intend to be very open from the start. After all, families come in all shapes and sizes these days and I'd rather my child be born into a one parent family surrounded by lots of love and be very much wanted than the product of a two parent family who don't love each other.xx


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

Hi

Glad you both feel so definite about telling. Please just be aware that once this is out there you cannot take it back.

For me, when/if I tell my lo, it's THEIR story to share or not share with the world.

By being so open no matter where your lo is locally, school, clubs etc the world will know his story whether or not he wants them to.

There's a lady on ff who is deeply regretting her openness as now feels he lo is almost deemed the donor baby not by baby's  name or her child.

You may feel so differently post birth.


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## janieliz (Jul 25, 2014)

Hi,
Thought I would share where I'm at. I told my boss, but I have worked there for 10 years and he is very discreet, I also told a couple of people who were covering for me but they are close friends. I went abroad so by the time I got pregnant I had exceeded my annual leave and they let me take unpaid leave. With regards to telling people, my close friends know but I won't be sharing it with everyone, I will be just be saying father not involved. I am only 20 weeks so obviously not been showing up until now but come Monday and back at work, I'm sure people will start guessing! I feel it's private and while I will definitely be telling the child, I want to wait and see how I feel after its born as I know I might feel differently. I already feel like I mat have told too many people in the first instance!

X


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