# mother of daugther going through i.v.f. - anyone out there who can relate ?



## maureeneve (Sep 23, 2010)

hi everyone,my name is maureen,im 57yrs young.i was born to be a mum,from the age of two i was baby mad,when i started school id look out of the window at the mums going by thinking il have that kind of pram with yellow covers,then id get hit by a bit of chalk(teachers way of geting my attention).from then on i lived my life with the aim of being a mum.At the age of 17yrs i was pregnant it wasnt pland but i was so happy knowing i had a baby inside me my dream was about to come true.A 8months i had a still birth for no apparent reason and was told it was just one of thoes things.the dispare i felt was untrue i even felt bitter towards other mums and babies.no one wanted a baby as much as i did,why did it have to happen to me.im very pleased to say 8yrs later i had the most beautful baby girl with masses of black hair(the baby i lost was also a girl). I felt at last im complet this is what i was put on earth for,18months later i was blessed again with another baby girl just like Kellie i was the happyest woman in the world.this brings me to Kellie,she feels the same as i did always talking about babies and what she will do when shes a mum.Kellie has been married for 9yrs and trying for a baby for most of them.I know how the pain,sadness and dispare she feels only too well.now at long last there is a light at the end of a very dark tunnel.i want to do all i can for kellie and David so if anyone can advise me please do.


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## woodnymph (Apr 29, 2010)

Hello,

I'm afraid I can't really relate as I'm the one going through the IVF and as of yet I have no kiddies, but I can say that your daughter will really appreciate you just being there to talk to and listen to her fears and concerns, (My mum is just not really interested, so I can appreciate how much a supportive mum would help!)

It's a scary process, all this. She will probably be very emotional one minute, then hopeful, then angry for no reason and the hormones they give you have a lovely array of side effects from Nausea and hot flushes to stomach cramps and constipation, so some TLC will go down a treat!!!

Be strong and just try to have all the positive energy you can!!!

Sending you lots of hugs! xxx


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## HOPEx (Sep 7, 2010)

Hi maureen im so sorry to hear you have been through the mill, but had a happy ending x x i am currently waiting to be reffered for ivf. I find it very difficult to talk to my mum as she never wanted children so has never had/have the longing for a family like us. I think she finds it hard to talk to me too as she doesn't no what to say     all i can say to you is just to be there for your daughter, and every now and then ask her if she wants to talk about it all, sometimes she will feel she wants to but sometimed not. I would also say if you search the net it will give advice to family and friends of loved ones going through ivf. I wish my mum would ask me sometimes :-(  i wish your daughter all The luck in the world x x


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## Chew Chew (Aug 12, 2009)

Arr Maureen.... you sound like such a lovely Mum and your daughter is lucky to have your support, sorry to hear about the loss of your first baby   . All i can say is just be there for your daughter and hopefully one day she will become a mummy and you a nanny   . I know my mum finds it hard because she doesn't like seeing me upset but infertility is unfair and your daughter will feel isolated and lonely so keep her busy when she's feeling down. I tried to keep my last treatment a secret from my mum but she guessed after a week something wasn't right because she knows me so well.

I wish your daugther all the luck in the world


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

Hello Maureen and Welcome to FF 

It's such a nice thought for you to join us. I'm so sorry to read of your loss  How absolutely devastating for you.  
In a strange twist, both of you will have had similar feelings i suppose. You have grieved for a baby which you met and loved so much, and your Kellie may be grieveing for the baby she hasn't met yet. I know I felt like this before we were very lucky in succeeding with treatment. Every month when my period came, I grieved for the child I should have had. I also felt like this with negative cycles we'd had too. 
My mum (and my dad of course!) are extremely supportive, they've seen such emotion through our journey. They've taken an interest in the medical procedures, what's entailed, been there for the hugest hugs and dabbed my eyes with tissues when needed. They have been my rocks. I think you will be a huge support for your daughter. You've joined us to learn more, asked for advice. This shows how caring you already are  
I'm sure Kellie and David couldn't ask for any more 
Keep us updated on how you all are


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## maureeneve (Sep 23, 2010)

hi all,it was so nice of you to reply to me.im sorry that not all mums can be hands on,perhaps they dont quite no how.i wish i could do somthing  for you,but for now im sending you the biggest hug ever(sorry i cant do  the smilly face thing im not very good at that sort of thing il get kellie to show me so hold on and watch this space) kellie has her first one to one meeting in the morning(thursday) she is quite nervous but cant wait to find out whats going to happen and when.I can go with kellie and david im so lucky to be there at the begining  . good night all hope you have a good day. love mo xx


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## mollymittens (Jul 10, 2009)

Hi Maureen,
I am so sorry for the loss of ur baby girl all those years ago.
I have been through a very difficult few years and without my mum I could not have coped.
Just be there for Kellie, no matter what. Don't take her mood swings personally, give her a cuddle when she needs one and a kick up the butt when she needs one too.
I wish Kellie the best of luck and that u will soon be the wonderful grandma that u deserve to be.
God bless
Molly x


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

Let us know how you get on Mo xx


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## maureeneve (Sep 23, 2010)

hi all,well after such a long time waiting for things to happen it seams that in two weeks time it will all happen very quickly.i am so amazed at how it all works its mind blowing.i cant wait for mood swings, because of all the stress in the past two years im uesd to the hissy fits,hiper moods and tears,kellie is a very excitable person on a normal day so bring it on im ready for any thing.lots of tissues,hot relaxing baths and soothing music (and thats just for me  ).i hope everything is going as planed for you,im sending lots of good wishes.love mo xx


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## TP.C (Aug 29, 2010)

Hi Mo

I'm afraid I don't have many words of advice but I just wanted to say how lovely it is that you've come seeking more information to be as supportive as you can; you sound like a fab mum indeed 

I know that my mum can not fully empathise, but I know that she's been through struggles of her own that she's had to battle against, so in that way she can. Even though she's never been in this situation she's utterly amazing at supporting me  I'd just say be open and honest with her about wanting to help and support as best you can, and she'll know that you're there, rooting for her every step of the way.

Wishing you, your daughter and her DH the very best of luck.

x


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## maureeneve (Sep 23, 2010)

hi all you lovely ladies.Just thought i'd let you know how kellie,david an i are doing.kellie is on day 4 of her first injections,so far she has had afew hot flushes which i find quite funny as kellie took the mick out of me when i had them  ( what goes around comes around) kellie has had 1 hissy fit so far that was monday evening,poor david could do nothing right i thought she was goin g to turn green and burst out of her top.after a couple of hours we got her calm and in bed(monday was day 2) she has been quite fine for the last two days.although i joke about it its so hard to see her so distrought im sure you have all had this and i feel for you all hugs to all of you.david thought he knew what to expect but it was nothing he had ever seen before,i think he will be better prepared next time but i think i will buy a couple of hard hats just i case .i hope things are going as planed for all of you.lots of love mo.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## maureeneve (Sep 23, 2010)

hi ladies,i know its been a long time since i was in touch,things seam to be moving at a rate of nots.kellie had 17 eggs removed last wednesday,she had 7embies to-day and is having the strongest put back on monday.kellie has been quite sore round her overys,that lasted till friday she now has a bit of pain like a period and her bust is a bit sore.i am trying to keep her positive but when she is not around (she has been staying with me as her kitchen is being put in and its rubble and dust everywhere) i feel so upsat for her,im praying with all my heart that all goes well.kellie is such a wonderful daughter and would make the most amazing mum.i have allways been able to make her better or dry her eyes and now i feel so helpless.i know i can look after her thats why im so glad she is with me but thats about all i can do and its so frustrating.kellie is at the cinima with her sister stacey,john is out and i have a bit of time on my own and just felt i had to let my feeling out,the rest of my family are wonderful but are spending the day with my mum she was in hospital for a few days and is as good as new now but i dont want them to worry about me to-day.i do feel a little better for getting that of my chest i hope you dont mind.it goes without saying that even with this going on i often think of you and i wish you all only the best results what ever stage you may be at.take care you are all very special.lots of love mo.xxxxxxxxxxx


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## maureeneve (Sep 23, 2010)

hi all,just to give you an update.kellie had a heavy bleed on tuesday night,i dont have to tell you how she feels.my heart hurts for her so much.kellie is being very brave and talking about the next time. she goes to the clinic on thursday to find out what the next step is.i hope you are all keeping well and happy.i would still like to keep in touch with you all and know how you are all doing.so till next time take care.love mo x


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

Mo ... I'm sorry  It's absolutely devastating thid infertility journey, not just for those actually going through it, but those close to us who share the journey too. Give her plenty of hugs, and be strong when and if she decides to go through this again. She is very lucky to have you. 
Take care xx


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## nicci t (Nov 30, 2010)

Hello Mo,

i am new to this forum and the whole fertilitytreatment palava!! I have just read your posts about your daughter and her partner and the journey that they are on. It is soooooo nice to read a post from a Mum. Mo you sound like the nicest, most supportive, loving and thoughtful Mum in the world. I think it is great that you are taking such an interest in kellies situation and understand her pain. I am an only child and my parents are divorced. Although I am close to my Mum I just can't bring myself to tell her what I am going through. I don't want her to worry and make me wobble. Sometimes I want to tell her because I am having a bad day and although my partner is FAB I just want a womens response. I think it is hard for men to know completely how it feels to be a women and have the need to be a Mum. Being given that blow that you can't have children without fertility treatment is soooo painful. The thoughts of a future not being a Mum....well don't bare thinking about!
I think my Mum would be a little sad if she wasn't a nanny!! i would be too. You have been thought provoking. Think you are amazing Mo.
I hope that all gets better for you, david and especially Kellie. tell her I send her a huge hug. I REALLY hope that it works out and she gets her Christmas wish!!!

Hugs

Nic x


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## Purple80 (Nov 24, 2009)

I didn't want to read and not reply. Just wanted to say what an amazing Mum you are. I never really gave much thought to how my parents must have been feeling when we were going through the journey, we were so angry and bitter and I know we took it out on those who loved us the most. We didn't tell our parents when we were going through treatment to protect ourselves and in a way them. My Mum knew something was going on though, she knows me too well. I realise now how much we hurt them by not involving them. Your gorgeous daughter will appreciate the love you give her and this will give her strength. I imagine being there for her will also help you stay strong because I can't imagine the pain it must cause you to see your little girl suffer. Thinking of you all and praying you are blessed with the longed for baby x x


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## maureeneve (Sep 23, 2010)

hi ladies,just thought i would let you know how kellie got on on thursday.the doctor said there was no reason for kellie not getting pregnant just one of those things.the good news is kellie can start again in april she thought she would have to wait 6 months.in the mean time kellie has been enjoying her new kitchen,making home made cakes,bread and pies.this is so good except if we keep eating all she makes we will go from a family of slim jims to a family of telly tubbys .im so proud of how she is doing,she is trying to keep cheerfull and each day it gets easyer,david is so good to her he is a wonderful son in law and i know we will have a lovley christmas.on that note i wish you all a very HAPPY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR i hope all your wishes come true.love mo xxxxxxx


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## nicci t (Nov 30, 2010)

Hi Mo,

So good to get the update! Glad Kellie is good and by all accounts she has her mind occupied with cooking!! Like her style. Christams is for eating and indulging and there is plenty of time before April to have a jog around the block!!! Keep baking Kellie!
Sounds like you are all in a good place then, Mo! Good to know. April will be here before you know it and we will keep everything crossed that 2011 brings a bundle of joy to Kellie, David and lovely you, Maureen. 
Hope that you have a magical Christmas and the BEST New Year ever!!

Lots of love and hugs

Nic xxxxx


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## maureeneve (Sep 23, 2010)

hi ladies,i hope you have all recovered from the long hols.and feeling ready to take on the world.we all had a good time, kellie was a bit overwhelmed at times there are babies every where .D.H. has been having a lot of upset from his family,i wont go into detail but they are not supportive in any way.this has made kellie very sorry for david as we all are,she also feels a bit down about it.my other daughter who got married last september told us on tuesday that she i pregnant. im so over the moon for her but can you imagin how kellie feels she is realy happy for her but it hurts so much,i feel torn in two,i never thought i could feel so much pain but i also need to show stacey how happy i am for her.i hope perhaps when kellie gets used to the news she will hurt less.stacey dosant want to tell anyone about her news untill the doc confirms it so i cant talk to anyone.  i cant thank you all enough for being there for me right now i think id go nuts if i couldnt get it off my chest thank you again.till next time take care.love mo x


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## Mrs Mouse (Jan 2, 2011)

Just read through your posts Maureen.... how lovely of you to seek out somewhere to get get a better understanding of what you daughter is going through.... it is such a tough journey for everyone involved. My hubby and I are going through our 1st round of ICSI... we are going in for a scan on 27th jan to check i have down reg ok then start the stimm drugs....

My mum is like you, feels desperately helpless..... like everyone else has said, just be there for her when she wants you and give her space when she doesn't feel like talking about it. it is an emotional roller coaster....

As for her sis being pregnant - yes it will be tough, but Kellie will be over the moon for her sis.... my sister doesnt want children but my hubbys 2 sisters have 6 kids between them and altough when we 1st heard the news of each prgnancy there was a small part of us that  thought "when will it bne us" but honestly, I found that left me as quickly as it came.... I have adored being around my sisters in law watching them gorw and then having the most fabulous nieces and nephews.... Kellie will be sound... her time will come....big hugs xx


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