# Hi,come talk to me about having a baby alone!



## moononthetides (Feb 20, 2013)

Hello  

I was going to be starting my TTc journey this summer, but it's looking increasingly likely I'll have to hold back a bit due to funds   so probably will begin between November and March so looking at an autumn/winter 2014 baby   I hope!

A bit about me ... I am going to be 33 when I start TTC and 34 when the child is born (I hope!) I am very excited about this. I live in my own home and it's just too big for me and the kitties. I am hoping to have IVF with ICSI as it's so expensive I want to give myself the best chance. I am going to use sperm from the ESB.

i haven't decided where to have my treatment yet. Possibilities are a clinic in Nottingham but there are also ones in Shropshire and one in Oxford that look nice. Any recommendations?

I look forward to meeting you all


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## upsydaisy (May 9, 2009)

Hi moononthetides and welcome   
Having a baby on my own has been more wonderful than I ever could have imagined   and harder than I ever would have believed  .  That just about sums it up!  As for advice.  If you haven't done so already have a full fertility check (AMH, FSH, follicle scan etc).  If everything is OK (and there are no guarantees even if it is  ) maybe you could consider IUI, you have age on your side and it's far less expensive and medically invasive (in terms of drugs) than IVF.  Most clinics will recommend 3 IUI's for a woman your age, with reasonable fertility, before proceeding to IVF.  I'm sure someone will be along soon with some local clinic recommendations.  It's possible to have basic ovulation checks and FSH on the NHS if cost is an issue.
Lots of luck 
Upsyxxx


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## moononthetides (Feb 20, 2013)

Thanks upsy   I have my fertility 'checkup' planned for early next month. I have considered IUI, but to be honest the success rate seems so low I think I'd rather have IVF, which although is far more invasive also has reasonable success rates. Many thanks for replying


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## KerriJo (Jun 25, 2011)

Hello moononthetides,

So exciting to be at the beginning of your journey   I have a 7 month old son, conceived on my third DIUI cycle. The success rates I was given were around 10%, so I feel so lucky to have had it work for me. I am hoping to try for a sibling early next year, also with IUI.

As Upsy said, wow, how amazing it is to have this wonderful little person   and how hard it is too. At times I feel envious of my friends with their partners and their baby, at times I am glad it is just me and my son! As much as this isn't how imagined I would have my family, I now wouldn't change a thing  

Good luck x x x


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

hello moononthetides,


I also have an IUI baby following lots of treatment, 3 IUI's then 3 mild IVF's then a pregnancy on the 6th IUI and finally my LO on the 8th IUI!!  I have just been successful for number 2 on my 2nd attempt at natural IUI at aged 40, so I suspect the odds for that would have been pretty low...I definitely think its worth finding out how your fertility is and discussing whether IUI is worth a go, it really is much much cheaper and less invasive...at my clinic I could do 3 IUI's for the cost of one IVF, which meant the stats evened out.  Stats are useful but not the whole picture, basically on all the times I got pregnant it happened the simplest way, one shot of sperm at the right time when IVf which gave me 40% odds didn't work, despite good embryos etc....


Everyone is of course different, and fertility treatment feels much more like an art than science but maybe talk to your clinic about IUI in your circumstance, it might be worth a couple of goes.


Sending you lots of luck - I can honestly say its the best thing I have ever done, you will never regret it.    


Look forward to hearing more, hope all the tests go well.


Lx


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## bingbong (Dec 9, 2008)

Hi moon,


I also got pregnant on my third IUI using a clinic in the Czech Republic. I went abroad because it was so much cheaper than the UK. Like you I was very tempted to go straight to IVF because of the better odds but decided to try three IUIs first, after the first two failed I remember posting on here asking what people thought about going straight to IVF then, the timing then worked out that it'd be easy for me to go back for a third IUI which I did and got pregnant with twins. I'm so pleased that I did IUI rather than IVF as it is so much cheaper and the money that I saved was spent buying things for my twins. It's personal choice and I really do understand why you want to go straight to IVF but don't dismiss IUI totally.


Good luck!
bingbong x


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## caramac (Mar 21, 2010)

Another IUI success story here! I was 33 when I started treatment and 34 when I had my son. I was third time lucky. I didn't have any fertility tests before I started, but did get my AMH tested around my second attempt and then found out it was pretty low. I was resigned to a move to IVF if my third attempt at IUI had failed, but luckily it didn't!

When I first started out (and assumed I had no fertility issues) I'd planned to do 6 IUIs before moving to IVF as I figured that would give me the same odds as a couple trying naturally for one year (the recommended time before seeking fertility testing).

IUI is so much cheaper than IVF (especially if you go abroad like I, and many others here, do/did). I could afford three of more attempts at IUI abroad for the cost of one IVF cycle here in the UK. The downside was that I had to use anon donor sperm provided by my clinic.

As for having a baby alone, it has simply been the best thing I've ever done! I was single for 6/7 years before I started on my journey so am well used to supporting myself and being very independent. I don't feel that I became a "single mum" just that I became a "mum" because the single part was already so much a part of who I was before. I'll be honest and say that I very rarely wish it had been any other way - I love how it's just me and my son with no one else to answer to! The only time I wish for a partner is when I think I would just love a "day off" from being a parent - but then I realise that that is almost fantasy because all of my mum-friends in normal relationships never get a day off ever either! In fact many of their husbands wouldn't know how to cope if they had to take care of their child/ren for an entire day. And sadly I'm not joking! I think when you know it's just you, and nobody else, you just get on with it and do whatever it is that needs doing.


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## Matilda7 (Feb 22, 2011)

I agree with *caramac* in that you just get on with it when you're on your own. On This Morning today, they were talking about the number of marriages that end up breaking up because of sleepless nights, and one of the women on there said something that rang so true with me - she was a single mum and didn't think her experience of the sleepless nights was as bad as some couples because she knew that she just had to get on with it and there was no-one else there to feel resentful towards if they weren't pulling their weight.


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## moononthetides (Feb 20, 2013)

Thank you for your replies   and congratulations on your gorgeous babies  

Perhaps I'll look into IUI then ... it's just funds are tight so in a way I would rather go for the one that's going to work out cheaper long term if you see what I mean? Especially as I have to fund maternity leave as well  

I love what you have said about being mums, I can't wait to have my own son or daughter!


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## RooRoo79 (Apr 4, 2013)

Hi there, 

I'm pretty much in the same boat - but with 2 dogs instead of kitties  

Charting now, and then maybe in July I will give home insemination a whirl. I'd rather do home and keep it cheap and low key.... Also I am fully prepared to try 4-6 times before I let myself get disheartened. I also might go to Denmark, or Spain but timing the trip and all that seems quite hard. In my job I have to select all my year's leave in January and it's unlikely I would have selected the right time off! 

Anyway, I'm trying to see this as a learning experience, and what will be, will be. Otherwise, it might be dog #3 next year instead!!
Roo x


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Moon
why on earth would you pay for ICSI if you chose top quality sperm?
Please get some medical opinion on that, as ICSI is normally only used if your partner has bad sperm quality. Since you're using a donor (assuming that's what ESB stands for) they wouldn't be accepted unless they had good quality sperm which can fertilize an egg on its own without ICSI. 
Just a thought... 
Best of luck on your journey - oh, and not every tx leads to success, so your baby may arrive a bit later than you expect. xx


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## moononthetides (Feb 20, 2013)

Good luck RooRoo x

BroodyChick, the clinic I am using are fairly upfront about the fact that they like to use ICSI to give the best possible chance of pregnancy success. At any rate I have decided to go down the IVF/ICSI route for two reasons: firstly because this way I can share my eggs which is far more cost effective than possibly many rounds of IUI. I realise that not every round of IVF is successful and I think I have been quite careful to use words such as if, hopefully, could rather than will, shall and so on.

May I just say that your opening sentence comes across with just a touch of belligerence - am sure this wasn't intended but while I have spent years planning and preparing myself to get to this point I think to an extent we're all in the dark until we've actually gone through it. I feel a little like I have a picture of where my ultimate destination is but I only get to see a bit of the map at a time to get there!

The clinic are sending out forms for me to fill in for egg sharing: they sent them out Thursday so hopefully I will get them today   I want to start trying in July or August (depends on when my period arrives!) for an April/May 2014 baby if it works   I can't WAIT!


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Moon
no I wasn't aware that some clinics go with ICSI as standard, just wanted to make sure they don't just want to charge you extra when that may not be necessary.
I also did egg-sharing and 4 out of my 6 eggs fertilized, based on the sperm sample from the day my clinic told me that ICSI wouldn't be necessary, but I guess every clinic is different. Of course you've done your research, but I am perhaps a bit cynical when it comes to clinics squeezing extra funds out of people in our situation.

Wishing you all the best, and lots of happy embies!x


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## flowerfaery (Apr 26, 2012)

I can say that the ESB were very professional when I dealt with them and the embryologists said that the samples were excellent quality.  I am pregnant from my 2nd IVF (which was much less stressful than IUI for me as you know exactly what is happening at each stage) but even though the first cycle didn't work I got 8 blasts to freeze and I could have gone for FET if cost had been a problem.  
It is worth querying whether they really need to use ICSI if the donor sample looks good on the day.  I hear what you're saying about feeling that you need to try everything though.
Good luck,
Flower


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## moononthetides (Feb 20, 2013)

Many thanks   I am now just excited, keen and happy that I'm trying at all! I am just hoping it works full time   but if not I will keep going until it works. x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Many US and european clinic do icsi as standard to increase the chances of fertilisation and it is included in the price.  LWC often do as well despite using donor sperm but will tell you (one of my friends wasn't told so they halved the price- she has a son from that cycle so didn't mind in the long run!


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## smilingandwishing (Apr 24, 2010)

Hey Moon,

Just wanted to come on and wish you the very best of luck with your journey. As others have said having a child is amazing and I have never regretted it for a minute - even when dog-tired, or my little Lord of the manor decides he's in charge!!  

I was incredibly lucky with IUI. It worked first time for me on both occasions  - the first time I was 40 and the clinic gave me 15% chance of success and second time I was 3 months away from 43rd birthday at treatment and they gave me 9% chance - so as I think Lulu said, statistics are useful guides but not the be all and end all and of course someone has to be in the successful percent!

I hope you find a path forward that you are comfortable with and remember there are a whole host of here just waiting to cheer on you!!

Love, Smiling xx


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## moononthetides (Feb 20, 2013)

Thank you Smiling, what a lovely post


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## bingbong (Dec 9, 2008)

Broody you're comparing your fresh sperm to frozen, frozen sperm is often more sluggish than fresh sperm once it's defrosted so it's impossible to know at the point of freezing how many sperm will survive thawing and how good a swimmer they'll be at that point. I have heard of a lot of clinics doing ICSI with donor sperm.

Good luck moon!

bingbong x


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Haha bingbong, shows how much I know - never trust some amateur web forum when your doctor knows best


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## Tommi (Jun 22, 2011)

Bingbong, JJ1 and all... my clinic is the same... only ICSI with frozen sperm even if it is top quality. 

Good luck Moon! If I could go through the last few years again I would definitely have my pre-treatment tests and hysteroscopy/implantation cuts abroad. I paid for three cycles of IUI and a cycle of IVF and endured a miscarriage and it was only then that I decided to get a second opinion in Greece and discovered some issues that needed addressing, that hadn't been picked up in the UK. I really should have done that first! I then went back to my UK clinic and combined their protocol for FET with the Athens clinic under the watchful eye of my GP and so far so good. We shall see.  

Good luck!

Txx


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## futuresbright (Apr 21, 2013)

Hi everyone 

how inspirational reading all ur stories. Im about to start my second attempt, had super IUI a couple years ago which failed and about to start treatment shortly once i decide on either IVF or super IUI again with donor sperm.
Im both excited and nervous but i know if my treatment works im gonna be a damn good mum! 
Anyway good luck to all starting or going through treatment and ill keep u posted on mine


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