# Newbie, single, 47, 2 failed IVF - now considering donor embryo OS...



## MsPeaches (Aug 1, 2011)

Hello there everyone, new to this posting business I am!  I think this is a bit long…  I am 47 years old - about to turn 48.

THESTORYSOFAR...
Had a lovely partner, and was excited at the fact we both wanted to have children with the other but... bless him... he flagged the time when he would be "ready" at some point where I would probably be menopausal!   Sigh. Tick tick goes the clock.  Lovely fellow he was.  So - found myself 41, single, and with that deep urge to make a child.

Was accepted into Melbourne IVF as a single patient and part of the donor sperm program, all good.  However, the initial scan showed a cyst on ovary, thought was a "chocolate" cyst, but turned out to be squamous pre-cancerous tumour.  Ovary and tube subsequently removed.  I was advised to finalise my fertility plans, then to have full hysterectomy in view of possible reoccurrence of similar tumours.

So then I commenced IVF after this delay.  I had 2 cycles, the first produced 9 eggs, the second only the one, all poor quality, could not fertilise properly.  Sigh.  Was gently urged to consider donor egg.  In Australia, the law has changed such that there is no anonymity for donors - hence there are far fewer donors willing to engage, particularly egg donors.  Also, donors may not be paid for their gift.

I did attend a number of counselling sessions through the IVF program for donor egg, including some useful group sessions where I got to hear the stories of others, single and otherwise, going through this journey.  The scarcity of donors makes it really difficulty for a single person – couples have such a long wait it would seem unless lucky to find a friend or relative willing to donate.  If I was younger and in a stable relationship, the waiting would be less of the issue that it is now.  But for all of us - really, who can wait?  Whose bodyclock  can wait?

Anyways... I met another lovely fellow but (bless his heart) it was just not going to happen, and after three years I was just that little bit older.  

Have now had the time to rethink, and also had the five year all clear from the ovarian cancer scare.  Never actually had cancer - but such tumours are known to come back in some people, and given that there are so few symptoms, by the time you know you have it you are in a difficult position.  I am very grateful that my initial explorations regarding my fertility ended up in saving my own life!    

Also - I refused to have the full hysterectomy and at my final check up where I got the all clear, the doctor said that as they know more now than they did five years ago, they no longer recommend that course.  I had to fight to keep my uterus as they had no data on women who kept theirs - as pretty much all women just said yes and did as they were told!    I was pretty shocked at this...

Good lesson in hope there - medicine and all that surrounds it is developing and changing and improving from year to year, so there are new developments around each and every corner.

So – I have a new appointment the day after tomorrow with Melbourne IVF in order to find out what support or advice they can give me, as I am considering donor embryo overseas.  So far Spain looks promising, will be interested in hearing about other Antipodeans who are considering a similar course.  Not sure if they can help me, given that the laws vary from state to state here in Australia, but have seen a few posts that suggest people from Sydney and Melbourne have done it so - it must be doable!

My interests here seem to centre around being single, over 45, being at beginning stages of early menopause, and all the issues around donor embryo transfers that everyone faces – partnered or single.  Also in others experiences and stories on this journey.  I am looking forward to having somewhere to “talk” about it with other people in a supportive way, my family is not supportive, and I found I got some surprising responses from friends when I was doing my cycles – one said the usual “I have such issues with that, HUGE issues with that…” and another blew me away with “Well, if you love kids so much, why don’t you just get work at a school” !!!  

Thanks for reading, not sure how to use the smiley faced thingos that appear in many posts (have sprinkled a few about...) nor how to articulate EVERYTHING in one fell swoop but… here we go and here’s hoping!  All the best to you all, MsPeaches


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## Mazza1971 (Aug 19, 2009)

Welcome to MsPeaches - I hope you get to your long awaited      one day. I do know of one lady who came from Australia who used the Serum in Greece and at 50 has just had her 2nd child. I beleive she must have fallen at 49 as they don't treat you beyond that age. So just keep the faith    

Good luck. xx


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## MsPeaches (Aug 1, 2011)

Thank you Mazza1971 - I feel very welcomed now!  I will spend more time researching - Greece is another option of course, but not all countries will accept unmarried / unpartnered women as it were.  I am a young, fit 47, but that doesn't apply now to my eggies!  What few are popping through!
Appointment on 3 August with Melbourne IVF is the next step - to see if they will support me or not.
Thanks again - and all the best to you!


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## Mazza1971 (Aug 19, 2009)

The Serum in Greece definitely will treat single ladies as there are a few singletons currently pregnant whom write on the board. I watch their progress because if we should have a lovely little windfall then I will be on the first plane out there for donor egg! They do seem to get good results!

Good luck with your appointment on the 3rd August.

xx


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## pinkcat (Dec 3, 2008)

Welcome to FF, mspeaches ! This is a great website for support, information, laughter and friendship. It helped me a great deal throughout my treatment. Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help.

"why don't you just get work in at a school?"  That's like "you enjoy holidays, why don't you just go work at a hotel!!" 

I'm sorry that your family are not supportive, I hope that FF can help fill the gap. 

Here are some links I think you may find helpful

International
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=261.0

Donor sperm/eggs -Single women
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=403.0

Over 40's
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=162.0

Fertility Information Guides 
click here

You may want to start a diary of your fertility journey 
click here

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi". 
click here

The What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) thread will give you some info on how to navigate the site 
click here

We have a live chat room where you can meet other members, take part in themed chat events and gain a wealth of information from people who are or have been dealing with infertilty. New member chat is at 8pm on Wednesday, where we can introduce you to other members, show you around the chat room and help with any queries you may have both in the chat room and on the boards. Please take a look at the calendar and of course our Chat Zone: click here

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support and information.

Best of luck!

Pinkcat


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## MsPeaches (Aug 1, 2011)

Hey thank you Pinkcat for the helpful links and the warm welcome - this place offers a wealth of information (a bit overwhelming but I'll work it out...) and feels like a genuine haven - very glad to have found it indeed!

Appointment tomorrow 9.30 sharp in Melbourne, will see results of blood tests ordered when I was referred as well.  As it happens, it was the doctor at the Oncology Clinic who referred me back to Melb IVF after giving me the all clear - she was very cheerful and happy to refer me on - was in my corner so to speak, and I realise that in her line of work - good news, hope and chances at success no matter how small, are like gold for them at the end of the day - pure GOLD. 

Will tootle off now and explore some of these other links - cheers and be well all, and may all our best wishes and desires come to fruit!


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## MsPeaches (Aug 1, 2011)

PS: Pinkat - loved the hotel comment!  Ha!  Will know how to respond if ever get that comment again!  But seriously... I am going to be much more careful of who I tell, given that another person I know who has had a difficult IVF journey is not coping with my explorations at the moment - as far as I can tell it is bringing up big stuff for her.  So often that is the way isn't it - the verbal jabs and jibes that come towards us in lieu of support are often just a projection of others fears etc.

I obviously have to think and work on this, as my intuition is to be honest, but firstly - to protect my as yet unborn babe/s.

Anyways - bye for now, MsPeaches


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## shellymay (Jan 6, 2011)

Hello MsPeaches

Good for you, is all I can say. We only have one life and we should try everything to make sure we have the life we envision for ourselves.

I have been very open about my IVF with EVERYONE and have had great support. My own parents have passed on and my DH parents are (lets say) removed emotionally from the situation.

My standard reply to any of my friends who feels the need to judge me is: As my friend, I am not asking you to judge/criticize me, just to support me, if this isn't possible, then perhaps we this is a subject that we should not discuss further.

Honestly, I could care less what people think - so quick to judge, while they stand in their glass houses.
If it was them, they would be the first people inline outside the IVF clinic.

Laughably, the ones that are so quick to judge do so, because their own behaviour is less then perfect in their own lives.

I wish you all the very best of luck.

There is no better saying than: 'You go girl!' 

Mx


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## MsPeaches (Aug 1, 2011)

Well shellymay what can I say but - yay!

I reckon I will feel more motivated to share my story with others when I have an actual plan.

Yes there are the naysayers, and there always will be.  I shall endeavour to grow a thicker (and more compassionate - she hopes) hide when it comes to the oft useless babble that falls out of others mouths on subjects they have barely thought about.

The friend who I thought to be easiest to talk to has come to the end of her IVF  journey as far as she can see it, with one DS born, but a bumpy and complicated journey.  So all in all many things are very stressful for her, and I feel she is now grieving that she cannot have any more.

She was incredibly supportive of me when I was going through my two cycles, we were sort of "cycle buddies".  So I have been quite shocked as where she was supportive and open minded before, she is really sceptical and negative re my considering DE.  I realise we can never know where our support will come from – it is best to not have expectations.  So - when I have more of a plan, I will gently tell those I think will hear it, and if not - will borrow your standard reply thank you!

When I was a few years out from my two cycles, and just plodding along hoping that I did not have ovarian cancer, I entertained two friends one weekend - how stressful was that!  One was ten weeks pregnant and nauseous with morning sickness, the other was ten weeks and had been miscarrying for some days - frequent visits to the hospital as she wanted to let it 'pass' naturally, but was not happening easily.  Honesty aside - I did not feel I could tell either one about the other!  And there was me in the middle!  

OKAY THEN - who said this was going to be easy?  Makes it so wonderful when it is for some, and when others get marvellous news after the hard yards.  Gee…

Anyways - thanks for listening and all the best for you – I see you have been having immune testing and the like – knowledge is power, but we must also make allowance for that mysterious thing called good luck!

Take are and may your wonderful wishes be fulfilled'

MsPeaches xxx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

hi there,

do come and join us on the singles board - pinkcat has given you the link 

and maybe check out this guide/FAQ to Donor egg tx I put together:
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=256679.0

Greece and Spain are both fine with single women. Czech Republic where lots of us go (is relatively cheap) officially does not treat single women but there are ways around this 

wishing you the very best of luck
Suitcase
x


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## MsPeaches (Aug 1, 2011)

Hello Suitcase

Thank you for that - I would be interested to find out more about Czech Republic - had discounted them due to the official line that I was reading.  My love dog - Wilma - is a Soft Coated Irish Wheaten Terrier (mouthful) - her mother came (believe it or not) from Prague!

Have posted on the singles board, and just learned how to bookmark via this site as opposed to just on my computer - fast learner here!

Thank you again - as I say, information regarding Czech Republic gratefully received?  Have to keep open to all options.

All the best, MsPeaches x
(...who already wishes there was a greater selection of smiley faces - I believe one has to be a donating member of FF to get more?  Never liked them before ain't that funny?    )


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## MsPeaches (Aug 1, 2011)

Hello again, had appointment this morning, basically the IVF doctor I saw said he very happy to treat me to OS clinic's protocols, but as a private patient, with GP referral cheaper.  I will have to pay for all consults and drugs.  He also clarified for me the legal side of things re sperm/eggs in/out of Australia.  Looks like donor embryo overseas is okay for go!

So basically - I now know I can be supported by an IVF practitioner at this end.  He seemed lovely, quiet, has helped same sex couples of both genders and hetero couples.  So.  Totally doable.

Sigh... now it is full-tilt into researching the clinics in Spain and Greece.  He did say something... "doing it in the US is the safest"... not sure what was meant by that, may be familiarity, language, most commonly used before other clinics became well known, who knows.  I just presumed USA would be tres expensive and perhaps not into helping single women.  Now - it is research, research, research.

Thanks again for the welcome - I shall move on to the other boards I have been checking out and starting to post on - given that this is the intro one!

Good luck to all newbies and thank you to Mazza1971, Pinkcat, shellymay and suitcase of dreams for a welcoming start.  Gulp - here goes!  

May everyone's journey be smooth and successful - with a wonderful bundle or two (or more?) in all our arms at the end of it.

MsPeaches xxx


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