# Accepting the truth about my situation!!



## mintyflatface (Apr 16, 2008)

Hi all,

I just wanted to start by congratulating you all on building such an informative & constructive support network.... You are a godsend!!

I joined this website yesterday, on the reccommendation of a friend. The only regret I have is that I didn't join sooner.

First, a bit about us:- I am 42yrs old. My DH is a healthy 32yrs old.
Been trying to get pregnant since I was 38yrs.

When no pregnancy occurred, we sought assistance from my local NHS hospital.
Various tests (sperm, HSG-Hystero-Salpingogram) were carried out and all appeared normal.
I was then given cycles of clomid. 
My gynecologist retired and I was forced to travel to a different hospital to see someone else while my hospital underwent refurbishments
The new gyne was not very pleasant (looking back, she was probably just overworked).
She read my notes, arranged more blood tests, and organised another cycle of clomid.
When I returned for my ultra sound (which the nurse had set up), she (the gyne) came in (no hello, how are you, nothing), carried out the ultra sound and then asked me to get dressed.
Once dressed, I was told that I had not responded to the clomid (something she had expected, given my fsh results), and proceeded to tell me that I was going through early menopause!!! 

Early menopause! Early menopause! Wait a minute. This is the woman, who upon meeting me for the first time, thought my notes (d.o.b) were wrong. SHE SAID I DIDN'T LOOK A DAY OVER 33YRS!!! Life is so unfair.  

I cried.... A LOT! I rang my fiance (who was waiting excitedly for my phone call). I told him that I was going through the menopause. (I felt like an utter failure) 
He cried.   He told me not to get upset and that the body is a fascinating thing, and that if I began to think positively, maybe I could reverse what was happening to me. (He was in denial). 
I cried some more.

Looking back, I am annoyed that nobody thought to advise me, that given my age, I should perhaps have considered looking into going private, as this would have helped with the time element (which, to be honest, I hadn't even considered)  
I know many of you are probably in disbelief at my ignorance, but when you are so used to being successful in all that you do, you don't think for one moment that you aren't going to get pregnant, no matter what anyone tells you. (I was in denial, big time).

I swept it under the carpet for a while after that, hoping that I could somehow reverse what was happening to me.

Eventually, in August 2006, I visited a private clinic where I underwent more tests.
Unfortunately, the results were the same.

This time however, I was told that the only option I had of every having a child would be to have a donour egg or adopt (Can you believe, I was still in denial).

I had long and very heated discussions with my significant other.
To me, having a baby meant 2 people in a loving relationship coming together to create a new life NOT 1 person + someone else's egg!!!  

He thought I was being selfish (denying him the opportunity to have his own biological child).
I thought he was being insensitive and totally seeing this from his point of view only. 

I spoke to friends at work who had previous nursing experience, who all suggested that I get another opinion if I thought that would help.

I did just that, but was told that the quality of my eggs was not good enough for me to consider IVF treatment. Therefore, the donour egg or adoption was once again my only solution. (Still in denial. NOT having a donour egg. No way).

We recently moved from our 1 x bed flat to a lovely 3 x bed house.
Last week we had my niece (12yrs) and nephew (6yrs) over for 4 days of their school holidays.

When we dropped them off back with their mum and dad we realized how much both of us missed them in our daily lives.

What I'm trying to say (in a very long winded way) is that I have now come to realize that I really want a child of my own, even if it's not mine biologically, so am going down the donour egg route.

Our child will hopefully inherit some of our better qualities and characteristics by becoming a kind, thoughtful and loving human being, growing up in an environment where it will feel safe and loved. 

The egg is such a small part of what becomes the child that will grow inside my womb.
A friend who has undergone donour egg recipitation told me that she looks at it as if she's been given a penny and now has a million pounds.

My journey has been long, hard, and very upsetting a lot of the time.
I have denied what many people would have accepted a lot earleir. 
However, they are not me.

I had to have this time to realize (without coercion) what I really wanted.... and ultimately, that's a baby.

Hopefully, this will help others like me (successful, competitive, perfectionist LOL) to know that you're not alone.

Sometimes life doesn't appear fair. We get angry. We deny the truth. There's no right or wrong answer.
We are all individuals and that's what makes life so beautiful.

Good luck to you all and thanks for your support x


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## Kazzie (Aug 6, 2005)

Dear Mintyflatface

Just caught your message - should be working but had to reply! 
Glad you found this site, you are in the right place for help and support 
I'm sure some of the women going down the donor egg route will contact you and in the meantime if you haven't already have a look at at the Donor Egg thread: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=64.0
now must get back to work!
lots of luck and best wishes to you
Kazzie


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## mintyflatface (Apr 16, 2008)

Thanks Kazzie.

Will do.


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## Pinkytails (Mar 2, 2008)

Hi Minty,

Will reply in more depth later today, wanted to keep this tread active in my posts.  At work so cant give long reply, you will find FF very addictive!!!!!

Pinky


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Just wanted to wish you all the very best on your journey to motherhood 

Good Luck, and hope this wonderful site helps 

love Jo
x x x


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## dsimone (Oct 26, 2007)

Dear Mintyflatface,

I like your name!  I hear what you're saying.  It is quite a process.  I'm 44 and am in enough denial that I'm still trying with my own eggs!  I just did an IVF cycle at Reprofit and am now in the 2ww.  My chances are very low, but I decided to keep trying until Nov with my own eggs.  I am on a wait list for donor eggs at Reprofit.  It is a pretty wild thing to wrap your mind around.  I still go all over with it.  But, feel good that I have a plan, as the uncertainty feels even more stressful.  I am very late in the baby making game.  I was married almost 2 years ago and have been trying for two years.  I also was given a cold slap in the face when I realized how much my age has an impact on my chances.  I just wasn't thinking....  But, also was not with the right guy.  

Good luck on your journey.
dsimone


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## alegria (Dec 10, 2007)

Hi MintyFlatFace,

Just wanted to give you a big   and welcome you to FF. You found the right place for support, advice and friendship. 
I too was in complete   when told, just a few months ago, at the young age of 39, that I would probably not qualify to IVF due to my hormone levels and that my best option was DE (and everyone tells me that I don't look one day older than 30....!). I've decided against all odds, to give my own eggs a few goes first and see what happens....    

Wishing you the best of luck on your journey to motherhood    

Alegria


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## mintyflatface (Apr 16, 2008)

Dear dsimone,

As I mentioned at the start of this thread... the decision is ours to do what we have to do when we have to do it.

I admire you for trying with your own eggs, and am sending you lots of   

When I was shown the stats for conceiving using my own eggs (around 1%), I realised that there was very little chance and that it was time to weigh things up i.e. time factor, money etc.

For me (and we are all individual), I decided that rather than waste time trying with my own eggs (with a high possibility of failure), that I should look to changing the odds to be more in my favour by considering donor eggs.

I have been doing a bit of research and googled *epigenetic* (read about it on another thread)and found it to be very interesting.
My friend (who is blonde with blue eyes) had donor eggs from her friend (who is oriental looking with dark eyes) and ended up with twin girls with blonde hair and blue eyes 

Anyway, I wish you all the very best in you quest to become a mummy.

Take care 

Hx


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## Pinkytails (Mar 2, 2008)

Hi Minty,

I have spent these last few months huffing round telling anyone who would listen that I'm not old, I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, eat well so in that case I must be cheating Mother Nature and have the eggs of a 35 year old!!!!

We my recent attempt at IVF will show that NO dear old Mother Nature and the bloody consultant I saw to do a sterilisation reversal win.

Although I do have children I can understand the need to produce your own babies, its still there in me I just have to accept that the man I should have given the privilege of reproducing with didn't enter my life until 6yrs ago.

So with donor eggs I'm going to have the joy of not only in a sense adopting, but will also share a pregnancy with my DH and I relish the time when I can say 'you look just like your Father when you do that'.

Its the pregnancy, birth and nurturing that make a child yours. I have a Grandaughter who is the image of my son-in-law and my ex hubby, I was there when she was born and it was love at first sight!!!!!

Welcome to the world of DEIVF, good luck with your journey,
Pinky


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