# Depression



## Tulipano (May 7, 2005)

HI,

i am almost 32 weeks pregnant and in the last couple of weeks i have been feeling very down especially this couple of days.  Yesterday i have spent all day crying and i have noticed that i can argue with people very easily and i keep falling asleep.  I had depression 2 years ago and i was on anti-depressant for over 6 months.  Now i am worried as i don't have long to go and i am scared that i will have bad post natal depression.

I am also scared because i don't have anyone to help me when the babies are going to arrive only my husband who is there after 7pm and week ends. Will i be able to cope on my own? 

Can any of you tell me what is the best thing to do and if they have been in the same situation?

Thank you


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Tulip,

I know very little about depression, but i would reccommend you talk to your midwife about your worries. She will be able to let your health visitor know once the babies are born, they can then help you if need be. With regards to how you will cope, why not contact the local college and see if there is anyone on a Nursery Nurse course who needs some work experiance.

Good Luck

Fiona


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## Cuthbert (Oct 3, 2003)

I think that you're doing well to confront the feelings that you have. From talking to friends who've had depression or PND, the worst problems arise when people can't admit to their depression. If you've had depression in the past, you may get PND but it's not a definite. I think that it's a good idea to let your midwife and health visitor know that you're feeling down so that they can keep an eye on you after you have your babies and offer you support/help if necessary.

As far as the lack of help at home goes, I had no help with my two other than from DH when he wasn't at work and we were fine. So it is possible to look after two babies by yourself. But contacting the local college or Homestart is a good idea so that you may be able to have extra help.

Take care.

Jules


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## Jennifer (Jul 22, 2004)

Great idea of Fionas.  I am going to contact the local college when my twins are due.  My cousin did exactly that and had great help from a girl who still babysits for them some 4 years later 

I am sure you will cope fine hun


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## Leanne (Jan 24, 2004)

For the last 8 weeks of my pregnancy i cried most days. I picked arguments with dh for little or no reason and felt quite depressed. I got so big that i barely left the house for the last 6 weeks as it was painful, heavy and my feet ballooned. I was scared stiff that i would get pnd but to be perfectly honest i was so relieved not to be pregnant any more and that my babies were ok that i was fine. I didnt have one single day of baby blues and found the whole experience of looking after twins far easier than i ever imagined.

I did have help as my dh had 4 weeks off and both sets of parents were only  a phone call away if i needed them. But to be honest i liked coping on my own, i knew i would have to when dh went back to work so i got used to it from the word go. DH helped with all the night feeds which was a relief and my mum came over to give me a hand if i was having a hard day.

As Fiona says its a good idea to ring your local college to see if they have any girls needing a family placement. I am waiting for when mine are crawling before i give them a ring as i think that will be when i could really do with an extra pair of hands.

I would mention your feelings to your midwife, mine had lots of advice.

You really will be fine hun, everyone says twins are "double trouble" but in my opinion they really are double the fun. The twin mums board will be full of advice on how to get your babies into a good routine which really does help. Wishing you all the best,

L xx


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## Bex (Feb 20, 2003)

Hi,
I was just going to ask about how people are coping with twins. Great idea about the college, i think i'll look into that in the week. I'm also going to start going to the local twins group who meet fortnightly. 
I've had a bad couple of days this week, all that waiting for them to come out of SCBU and now i can't cope. I think it's sleep deprivation that's the main culprit as dh is a driver and starts work at 5am so i can't/won't ask him for help for night feeds. If he doesn't get home till 6-7 at night it's a long day for both of us. He is changing shifts for a couple of weeks so he'll be working afternoons so at least he can help me with nights. Hopefully i'll be able to get myself sorted and start to enjoy our beautiful babies. I'm looking forward to taking them out for walks with my neighbour who has just had a baby but i'm really scared they'll start crying while we're out.


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## Tulipano (May 7, 2005)

HI,

thank you for your replies.

The main thing that worries me is that i don't have any experience with babies and that scares me a lot.  How  can you cope on your own with 2  babies when you don't know basically nothing about babies? I don't have no-one who can help me apart from my DH but he is at work all day and he doesn't know nothing about babies.

Anyway, this is what worries me and i am feeling very scared but knowing that other women has coped well makes me feel slightly better.


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## tj71 (Mar 7, 2005)

Hello Tulipano,
Poor you, you sound like you are getting in a bit of a panic. I too am expecting twins and have just realised that it could be only 7 or 8 weeks until they arrive and I started actually thinking about that fact yesterday   and got a bit worried! I really wouldn't panic though - most women who have babies have not had any previous experience - the same applies to mums with 2 babies - you won't know any different (as you are a first time mum)! You will probably stay in hospital a little bit longer than singleton mums which will give you a chance to feel relaxed with the babies and often the nurses will help you get into a routine which is great.  If I were you, I would really try not to worry, you will be a great mum, instinct will kick in and you will be fine.  I did read your earlier post re depression - I think I am safe in saying that you are no more likely than the next person to get PND and will be too busy to think about it I think!  I am probably being a bit of an ostrich, putting my head in the sand, not thinking about whether we will cope, but I think this is the best way for me!

I really hope you can relax and enjoy your last weeks of pregnancy, you will be fine - speak soon on the twin bumps thread, love Tiggy x


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## Blu (Jul 28, 2005)

Hi Tulipano

Congratulations on your imminent twins!

I've not yet had the joy of a BFP, but I do work with parents with mental health needs, and am setting up a special ante-natal clinic for mum's with a history of mental health problems or at increased risk.

Given that you have a history of depression, your risk may be slightly increased of PND, but you shouldn't be alarmed or panicked, it happens to a lot of women.

I would suggest following the advice given so far - talk to your midwife and arrange to meet your health visitor before the babies arrive. Stay in hospital for as many days as you can and tell people how you are feeling.

One of the other things we recommend is having a plan should you become depressed, ie who can help you and dh with your twins, some time-out for you to catch up on sleep etc. As we all know, the more you plan for a problem, the less likely it is to happen!!

Most importantly, keep talking to people, being a new mum is really difficult for anyone, let alone a mum of twins. I think we also put added pressure on ourselves here by thinking that because we so desperately want to be parents, we should love every minute, never complain, and be really good at it! BUT WE'RE ONLY HUMAN!

Take care of yourself sweetheart, and keep talking to us.  

Best wishes 
Blu


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## LizzyB (Mar 25, 2003)

Hi Tulipano 

Hope you are feeling ok....sounds like you are going through it a bit. It is hard work hun but it's so rewarding and that helps to carry you through. You will find lots of support too from your health visitor and at least you have recognised that you are feeling down so you can start to deal with it now either by seeing your m/w or GP.

They are very common feelings hun.....all your hormones are all over the place and having one baby is scary enough but i promise you they will pass (((hugs)))

Don't know whereabouts you are but i thought this might help.....you may have already heard of it but its www.netmums.com. It's good for finding babygroups in your area so you can build up support and friends.

Hope this is some help.....loads of luck to you,

Lizzy xxx


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## jenbob (Mar 14, 2004)

Hi Tulipano,

Congratulations on your twin pregnancy.

I too have suffered with depression in the past and have been on prozac for it (which I found really helps by the way). I felt drepressed mid-way through my pregnancy and after talking to the girls at work, I discovered that it actually wasn't un-common to feel like that when pregnant. Anyway, my twins are now 10 months old and like you I had no experience of babies at all and was very scared, I didn't even know which way round a nappy goes (the pattern is always at the front by the way!!  ) Let me tell you, if I can do it anyone can   The way you hold and care for your babies kind of comes naturally after a few weeks and although it is a massive learning curve, it is also very enjoyable and rewarding when they start to smile at you etc. 

I knew the signs of depression quite well, so 10 days after the birth I could tell that I was slipping into a depressive state again and I went straight to my doctor who put me straight on prozac. Things have improved so much and I love being a twin mummy and wouldn't change it for the world! My advice to you would be to speak openly to your doctor, midwife (and health visitor after the birth). They should offer you lots of support and you may have a 'homestart' scheme in your area where someone comes to help you for a few hours a week or whatever you want (it's free by the way). 

Your gonna be fine sweetie...honest!!   
Love jen xx


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## suzy (Oct 12, 2003)

HI Tulipano,

What you're feeling is very common. I work with babies and never thought that I'd have any problem with the day to day looking after of them, but when my (one) baby was born, I experienced uncertainty and lack of confidence like the rest of us. It soon passed though, and you do get used to it very quickly - as someone else said it is a very steep learing curve.  

The other thing is that when your babies have not been concieved naturally, there is a tendancy to not look beyone that positive pregnancy test, as if that is what we are working towards, not the baby. I did not think about the pregnancy itself and had only a vague notion of what it would be like with a baby, it just didn't concern me.  For a long time, all I had thought about and longed for was becoming pregnant and when it happened it was a huge shock that things were not always wonderful - and I found it very hard to reconcile that within myself - that it was such a wanted baby and there was no way that I should have even one negative thought. 

I think you definately do have an increased chance of PND - because you have had depression previously, you have a multiple pregnancy, and also not a natural conception (I presume). But if you do get PND, its not the end of the world and you will be prepared and seek help sooner rather than later - and I think this is the key to a good outcome. I had pnd and it came on within two weeks of the birth and was treated at a month and was heaps better when my baby was six weeks. I really really didnt' want to have it, but now I have accepted it, its not such a big issue. I am nearly off my treatment and trying for no. 2, and I'm sure the reason that I am well now is because it was recognised and treated early.

Good luck,

Suzy


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## Tulipano (May 7, 2005)

HI Everyone,

thank you so much for your advice.  On the 5th December i have my consultant appointment and i will definitely discuss my depression with him.

I think another cause of my depression is that i am lonely and i have no many friends and a close relative like a mum near me to help me to confort me plus the ICSI treatment makes me more worried as i didn't conceive naturally.

Thank God that i have a wonderful husband  who i am sure will try his best to help me when is home.

Thank you again.


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