# Will my weight stop us?



## laura6085 (May 1, 2014)

Hello all,

Im new to the board and just starting out our adoption path. I've been spending time gathering information before we move forward and fear we might have a huge problem before we even start.

At approx 25st, I am very overweight. I have recently lost several st and aim to keep going but I'm concerned that with a BMI in the high 50s I will be turned away automatically. We both are healthy and I can hand on heart say I do not have any weight  related health problems. I have a very active job with children so I know I can run about with a young one all day.

Are we doomed before we begin?


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## DRocks (Sep 13, 2013)

Hello Laura.

Ok I'm going to be honest because I think that's what your looking for 
We started our journey last year and I had a bmi of 55. This wasn't a issue until we went to panel, we were deferred!
After loosing some weight we were then approved in March.
Had we been on the new system we wouldn't have made it to stage 2, and I know a lot of people with BMI's over 40 are being turned away from stage 2.

It's not about being healthy now, it's about the future, it's about hopefully being around for a long life with children who have already suffered great loss. I know anyone can be hit by a bus tomorrow but these are unknown risks and being morbidly obese does carry long term health risks.

With all that being said you don't know what an agency will say unless you approach them  don't be out off to much by what I have said as every case is indervidual. I wish you the best of luck and feel free to ask any more questions you may have x x x


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## laura6085 (May 1, 2014)

Thank you for your reply and yes your honesty is exactly what I need!

I do plan to lose more weight and I can understand the reasons for strict guidelines, I really just needed to know if it would be a flat no or not. Can I ask, how much weight did u lose before you were approved? As I have said, I do plan to lose more weight but I honestly feel that aiming for a BMI under 40 is unrealistic for me.

Thanks x


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## DRocks (Sep 13, 2013)

My bmi is now 48, my weight loss has slowed down but it's still dropping. 
I had to demonstrate to them over a period of time that I was loosing, they didn't care for what I had done in the past.
It also had to be explored why I gained weight and the issues I had with food, they will not beleive someone is big just because they ate the wrong things, or didn't do excersise, they really delve into how you got to be where you are and the reasons for it.


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Hi.

my bmi is over 40 and I was approved with no problems. My doctor is aware of my weight and how I manage it. she made some very comprehensive notes on our medical report. Our sw was fantastic at understanding the situation. We've now had lo home for four months. Going back to slimming world soon to try and lose some more before celebration hearing. 

I do think every agency has different rules though.


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## laura6085 (May 1, 2014)

Thank you for the replies

I decided this morning to take the plunge and contact out chosen agency. I was assured that whilst I would be expected to lose weight, it wouldnt preclude us from consideration.

Thank you for sharing your experience


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Laura, I'm so glad you took the plunge.  I think sometimes prospective adopters discount themselves before they've really asked an agency, and that's such a tragedy!  good luck!


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## watakerfuffle (Jan 26, 2011)

So pleased you called them and got the ball rolling. I have struggled with weight all my life and often it holds me back and I was panicking that I wouldn't be able to adopt! My BMI @ beginning of first adoption was 38, I was actually a bit shocked at my weight when I had my medical! It never held back my application and was only mentioned a couple of times particularly as I addressed it myself and said I was starting a new diet regime. I lost 2 stone during the process and now my bmi is 33. I have an amazing AS and just started process for number 2. I have found slimming world revolutionary for me! Good luck with the process


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## DRocks (Sep 13, 2013)

Bloody brilliant, well done you


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## foreverthankfull (Jan 30, 2014)

Hi  when we originally made inquiries to adopt I was very over weight with a BMI in the high 40's and was turned down by an agency as a result.  Fortunately I was able to give myself a kick up the backside and  get my mind into the right space and managed to loose 6 stone in 12 months.  We  applied to a different agency and the rest is history.  We now have 2 very active toddlers who are amazing!!!  

I have to confess that whilst I didn't believe it at the time  I can honestly say could not have managed 1 let alone 2 toddlers running around when I was heavier as I was just not agile enough (let alone fit enough),  and I know I would have been a very different parent. 

I still would like to lose  a bit more weight which is proving  hard now  the children are here as I am a picker and their leftovers are like a magnet to me!!! but I am determined to give them the healthiest, happiest and most active childhood I can.

In many cases its not the approval panels that have the most reservations about prospective adopters who are over weight  but the matching panels who tend to be much more focused on the child/children needs DisneyrocksH is right when LA's are looking at BMI etc they are not just concerned about the immediate/short term impact of carrying a few extra pounds it is about the extra health risks and reduced life expectancy in the long-term  (sound harsh saying it but is none the less true) and the impact that may have on your family.  Health wise we can not always control what happens to us but some things are in our control and we can take steps to reduce the risks which is why they like to see you have made an effort to reduce your weight and address any associated emotional and lifestyle issues etc.  Adopted children have already experienced so many losses in their  lives which is why taking responsibility for ones health etc is so important to minimize the risks of further premature losses.. 

Its not easy but if I can do it any one can. I was very reluctant to do it but what really helped me was joining a slimming club,(Slimming World) I swore I would never step foot in such a place but when needs must and I have to say it worked. S

Good luck with your journey the adoption path rarely runs smooth but and there are many many challenges but it is worth all the heartache and effort just keep your eye on the end goal x


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## laura6085 (May 1, 2014)

Thank you everyone! I have always tried my best not to allow my weight to stop me doing anything and after reading the first few replies to this post I had the courage to just do it. Any little person we are lucky enough to be allowed to care for deserves the very best effort I can give so I'll keep that in mind whenever it gets difficult!

Thanks again x


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## Nicola30 (Jun 13, 2011)

Hi Laura,

My BMI is 49 and so far all is going ok for me - that said I am trying my hardest to shift some junk from this trunk mainly because I don't want to be unhealthy and unfit when we get our child. 

All LA have a different criteria, however, they will all be looking for adopters who can look after a child until they are 18 and meet their needs, a high BMI brings with it the risks if other health complaints, I like you am active and my weight doesn't affect my health but it is likely if I continue at this my health will suffer. My SW thinks it would look good if i can shift a stone or 2 before panel just to show I am on it :-/ easier said than done, but I am gonna do this and you'll be surprised what strength you get once the ball is really rolling for you.

You can do it!

Good luck


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## laura6085 (May 1, 2014)

Well I thought I should be as proactive as possible, so have made an appt with my GP to check my weight so they have an up to date record of it. And hopefully I will be able to show I have already lost a little by the time we have an initial meet up with the agency. 

Thankfully, my GP has always been very supportive and recognises that I am making progress with my weight. Heres hoping the agency do too!!


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