# Struggling to stay positive!



## tricia1012 (Mar 20, 2014)

Hello ladies,
So after our last bfn just over two weeks ago I have been trying to feel upbeat and positive that was until dh had a call from his mother to tell us his sister is having her 5th child !! Not that I am not happy for her but she doesn't work and can't afford the ones she has I know money isn't everything but I know she's not managing and it's just really knocked me back. I would do anything to give a baby a loving home and we can't even have one . They don't even know we're doing ivf as they never bother to ask much about us so we don't say anything , just suffer in silence  apparently I'm too career driven to want a baby ! If they cared to ask they would know I have been trying for nearly 5 years 

I guess I just wonder if it will ever get easier to watch everyone else around us getting pregnant ? I feel so bad for feeling angry when I hear that someone else has!!  I can't talk to dh because it's his family  that have annoyed me tonight! Sorry to ramble I just needed to rant .

Why is it when your trying your best to be strong something always knocks you down


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## MrsRL (Dec 11, 2013)

Hello, I didn't want to read and run so just sending   It must have been hard to hear that news   How did your hubby take it? That's awful how they assume as well and don't ask about you. It always seems to be the way that when you are trying so hard to be strong that something comes along and knocks you down again. I hope you get your much longed for baby in the not too distant future x


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## tricia1012 (Mar 20, 2014)

Hello MRsRL , 
Thanks for your message I'm usually such a positive person but I just flipped when he told me ( must still be loads of hormones in me ) or at least I'm blaming it on that  

He just feels sorry for her as she won't even have anywhere stable to live come the end of this month , but then why keep having children that you can't provide for , just makes me angry . He feels like he has to help her now and that really frustrates me.

I guess everyone's allowed a bad day ! I'm sure I will feel better tmrw .

I wish you all the best with your journey aswell I hope you get your dream baby to  

Tricia


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## MrsRL (Dec 11, 2013)

Hi again,

I can see why you are angry. I would be too. I find it hard to understand why people can have children when they can't provide for them and it seems unfair that they can have them and other people can't too. I hope you feel better about things today. I seem to be having up and down days at the moment.

Thank you. Hopefully all of us on here get our dream.

x


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi I couldn't read and run I had a similar situation alot of my family know about me being diagnosedinfertile because I was rushed in hospital with an ectopic and had both tubes removed but since then it's like no one cares to ask anything anymore. My partners brother had a baby in October and as soon as we found out it was like every time they were at my partners mums house it was 'look at her bump' 'can you feel it kick' etc and when baby was born we had a funny text off his mum and each time we went to his mums it was cooing over the baby and not one ounce of sympathy of how I was feeling as times gone on its got easier it that situation. Also like you said I couldn't talk to my partner cause it's his family. I also found it very useful to see a counsellor it's helped me so much I couldn't recommend it enough. I used to be a very positive person now I'm very negative and constantly worry about everything so now my counsellor is putting me in for cbt which helps you to take negative thoughts into positive ones. I really feel for you it's a horrible situation to be in but hopefully we'll all get our dream ending


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## Mzmaary23 (Mar 18, 2013)

I honestly don't blame you, seeing so many people round you get pregnant while you ain't is honestly really hard, and we gotta try see positives with me I try to see the light side, we both work (in retail) and nowadays atleast you know it's a stable job. But when I do have a child I know I can finically support my child, I'd also like to think that itd learn you have to work for what you want ! Youl have your day I know you will and youl see the ones that who aren't there now will be trying to get in as they'll know they've messed up, luckily with my ohs family he doesn't like many of them either so if I grumble he does too  xxx


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## Jelliebabe (Jan 14, 2011)

Our neighbours daughter has 6.  On benefits, and I think at least 3 father's.  She spilt up with husband after one was sadly stillborn .  they split up as he wanted another and she didn't, less than 4 months later new man and preggo again!  Poor neighbours have to help them aaaall the time and need to keep working to help them!


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## tricia1012 (Mar 20, 2014)

Thanks  for the replies  girls it's sad so many of us  are going through the same stuff. Why don't people realise how hard it is !

Tinker bell 24 - thanks  for your  advice  I might look into seeing a councillor  maybe it will help , I don't feel as bad today  but I  didn't sleep much  last night overthinking things   

Mzmarry 23 - your lucky wish my dh would ignore some of his  I work in retail I run a kids boutique in Central London of all places to work ! But your right at least we will be able to support our babies  thanks for your positivity 

Jellibabe - see just makes it so unfair with the struggle we go through to get even one! How are you getting on ? I remember you from the march cycle buddies  

Best wishes to all of you xxxx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Tricia you sound just like me at the moment I've got a real problem with over thinking things and it really takes over. I've also looked on the net at cbt and that also gives hints and tips on how to help the worrying. My counsellor said it whatever works for you and it takes time


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## Mrsball (May 10, 2013)

You're certainly not alone. 
No one understands unless they have been or are going through it. The pain in indescribable. As is the fear for the future. But if we stopped and fell at every hurdle I guess life would be over pretty quick. 
I've found that whilst at the time I can't see it, later I realise we gain strength from all these things that try to make us bitter. 
I find pregnancy and baby situations incredibly hard and normally distance myself from it all ....alps the risk of people thinking I'm a compete cow of course! But I've learned that this is one time in life when it's ok to be selfish and it's all about whatever makes it easier for you to get through this journey. 

I'm on day 5 of stims on my first ivf cycle and realised that I will be testing around the time of my friends leaving do/baby shower. Should be interesting!
As that outcome will decide whether I go or not 
X


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## tricia1012 (Mar 20, 2014)

Tinkerbell - thanks I am a google addict  suprized I haven't found that yet I will def be looking it up . I'm terrible on my day off I can lay in bed for ages overthinking everything when I'm supposed to be having a lie in . Then I just get up and clean my house like a lunatic to keep my mind occupied my family say it looks like I live in a show house when they come round nowadays (oops) ! At least it keeps me busy.

Mrsball- hello it is really hard but I guess shows how strong we are to pick ourselves up and keep trying . How are you feeling hope your cycle is going well  wish you the best of luck !! I can't wait to get cycling again  I had a baby shower to a attend during my stimms but I def think around test day you really do have to think of yourself and either way spoil yourself !

Tricia xx


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