# surrogacy uk or cots?



## mungo

Hello
We're thinking of going down the surrogacy route.  I  haven't got much knowledge of surrogacy, but have been reading both Cots and Surrogacy UK website.
We're not sure which one to join, any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks Tannie


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## Amandajb

Both COTS and SUK are excellent organisations which work in different ways but both recommend the 'friendship first' approach before an offer of help is made.

COTS will send lists of IPs to surrogates which will include a few details about them. The surrogate will pick one she likes the look of and hopefully a friendship will develop from that.

Surrogacy UK works by members attending social gatherings. In this way, IPs and surrogates mix together in an informal way and hopefully friendship will flourish from then.

Both organisations have a good track record. However, one organisation might be more 'you' than the other one and it is possible that neither organisation may be right for you. As with most things surrogacy related, its not a 'one size fits all' formula.

Many surrogates who are members of COTS and Suk, also go down the independant route so its worth checking out the smaller support groups like http://forum.a-little-wish.co.uk/ or www.surrogacysupport.co.uk. Both these organisations offer real and practical support as well as the opportunities to meet other IPs and surrogates.

I speak from experience. I am a member of COTS but still prefer the independant approach as this has always worked for me.

Good luck in your search. There are many other people on this site who will no doubt rush to give their advice, but if I can help further, please do PM me.

Take care

Amanda


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## mungo

Thankyou Amanda and Igft for your advice.
Tannie


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## maymcg

Hiya

I am a surrogate with COTS and this is the only organization that i have had experience with. I have joined the little wish message boards though.

As the girls say its entirely your choice and whatever you feel would suit you. There will be pros and cons with both SUK and COTS. I know on COTS there is a public message board you could post on that before you join to kinda get a feel for it, i dont know about SUK sorry.

Wishing you good luck on your journey

May
Xx


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## steve and sue

Hi Tannie

We worked with ****************** and our baby is due in the next few days all very exciting and we cant wait, you may want to look at them as an alternative they have been amazing and thanks to them our wish of a baby has come true .

Whichever way you go best of luck and hope it all works out ...

God Bless 
Sue x



mungo said:


> Hello
> We're thinking of going down the surrogacy route. I haven't got much knowledge of surrogacy, but have been reading both Cots and Surrogacy UK website.
> We're not sure which one to join, any advice would be appreciated.
> Thanks Tannie


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## marijka

Hello

I had a bad experience with COTS when I approached them and said that I was in my late 40s they were very dismissive and said I couldn't be placed on an active list and the lady said it would be unlikely that any surrogate would choose someone of my age.  I found her to be very cold and unfeeling but maybe I caught her on an off day!  I haven't been able to summon up the nerve or motivation to call any others. 

Marijka


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## missmarple

Hi Marijka

I am sorry you had a bad experience. I am 42, my husband older, looking for a gestational surrogate and we went through ****************** (there's a recent thread on them you may want to look at).  I have heard good things about a little wish, too.  Good luck, if you want to pm me for more info do feel free.


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## Guest

marijka said:


> I had a bad experience with COTS when I approached them and said that I was in my late 40s they were very dismissive and said I couldn't be placed on an active list and the lady said it would be unlikely that any surrogate would choose someone of my age. I found her to be very cold and unfeeling.


Marijka - I am also in my 40s, and I found COTS to be similarly dismissive of me , except that I was hoping to be a host surrogate with them rather than an IP. They said that clinics won't work with anyone over 45. This is not true of all clinics!  (and some will treat women in their 50s. 

And speaking personally the age of IPs wouldn't bother me at all, and I suspect most other surros are the same, so don't be put off!!


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## OD2

I'm with SUK and we certainly have members over 50 so please feel free to get in touch with us too and expect a warm welcome!

x


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## missmarple

Hi jazminda, at least COTS is consistently ageist   !

As an IP, I would definitely welcome an older surrogate as much as a younger one, as a host surrogate. It would not put me off at all. Especially as I am over 40 and dh over 50.  The first surrogate we were offered was 38 and age didn't come into it.


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## Guest

missmarple said:


> Hi jazminda, at least COTS is consistently ageist!


Yes that's true!   

 with finding your surro very soon!


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## Val123

The only issue with being an older IP and joining an organisation is that there is no guarantee that you will get picked, and if you are older, then you don't have as much time left to wait to be picked as some of the younger IPs.  That's the main reason I went independent and found my surrogate myself, because we had already waited so many years, so the thought of potentially waiting 2 years to be picked - or never being picked - just wasn't an option for us.

There are lots of forums and websites you can join to meet and get to know other IPs and surrogates, so I would totally recommend that you do that even if you do decide to join an organisation.  I do know that COTs have closed their 'straight' list because they don't have any available TS - but they are out there looking for IPs independently and the only way they can find out about you is if you join all the forums and get yourself out there.

Good luck with everything and feel free to PM me if you want any information about some of the sites we joined.

Val x


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## marijka

I really appreciate all the positive comments everyone - thank you so much.  I needed a boost as I have just come off the phone from Shady Grove in the States - we had arranged a telephone call and it lasted 30 secs!  This is because her first question was my age - and then she said that they couldn't help me.  End of story.  Very depressing as she didn't ask about my health, life style anything - just a flat no.

I will take your advice and contact SUK and A Little Wish as well as seeking a private surrogate.


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## missmarple

Hi marijka

Just wanted to say 'don't give up'. I have been through a similar experience, I went to a London clinic to ask for IVF and was treated like an imbecile, at one point the doc said to me 'You know using a surrogate isn't easy' - I felt like shouting 'Duh' at him.  IVF clinics can be very insensitive when it comes to older ladies seeking treatment or indeed in surrogacy cases.  I have also had great experiences - I rang a NY doc who told me he could help me and I was doing exactly the right thing, looking for a surrogate.  

We have found our lovely surrogate through ****************** but I would also have tried privately, on various forums, or gone to a little wish, I think. Keep going and don't be discouraged, it's a long process but you will get there. Please pm me for anything you are wondering about - here to help.


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## Guest

Hope you're feeling a bit better about things now Marijka.  

Don't give up!  

Hope the last week hasn't been too bad for you.


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