# Really thought this was our time



## Fertilityhawk (Jan 22, 2015)

So AF arrived this morning to put an end to our latest hopes and dreams.

Quick recap
IVF1 26 eggs - 2 fertilised   BFN
ICSI1 - 1 egg   BFP Blighted Ovum
ICSI2 - 8 eggs - 2 Fertilised   BFN
ICSI3 - 16 eggs - 13 Fertilised!!!!  1 x Top Grade Blast transferred - BFN - 6 x Frosties

The very surprising results from our 4th cycle I think were due to reading the book It Starts with The Egg.  I took a high dose of Ubiquinol and cut out as many plastics and nasties as possible.  We've never ever got to a blasto stage before, because the embryo was such good quality we all thought that this was our time!  I text my parents this morning and they were so upset and crying.  Thank goodness I text them and didn't tell them in person I would have been in bits too  

We feel incredibly lucky to have 6 x 5d Blasto Frosties but I'm so down about them hardly ever implanting.  On our second round I got a very feint positive but AF arrived soon after.  It was only that I ended up in hospital about a week later with food poisoning (what are the chances!!!!) that we realised that I still had HCG levels.  I did go onto to pass the sac about a month later  

I had a endo scratch before my 3rd & 4th transfer, this seems to make no difference whatsoever so i don't think we're going to bother paying for it for the FET.

I don't even know why i'm posting, i'm just at a loss and the thought of going through 3 more 2ww at the moment with still nothing to show for it fills me with dread.

I'm really reaching the end of the line.  We cannot afford anymore tests/investigations.  This process has robbed us of our carefree happiness and our savings.  

Bit of a woe be me post i'm afraid.


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## Angedelight (Aug 17, 2012)

I'm so sorry Fertility Hawk. We've chatted before on various threads and I remember you were even debating another cycle. What an amazing result though in terms of improvement, I can understand why you were so hopeful. Those BFN are awful, crushing and knock us off our feet. Totally get where you're coming from about carefree happiness and money. Thinking of you. Really hope you've got a couple of days off to process this. Look after yourself.
X


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## Northern (Sep 26, 2015)

Fertilityhawk I'm so sorry, can totally empathise with the grief you're going through and it's so so hard.  What an amazing improvement - it doesn't seem fair for this one not to work.  When you're ready I would prepare some detailed questions for your clinic to get their thoughts on where to go from here - give yourself time to process this first though.  

I know what you mean about feeling robbed - we have every right to feel that carefree happiness and the weight of ivf and the pain that comes with it is so hard to bear. 

Look after yourself, give yourself time, and don't put pressure on yourself to start feeling 'better' - you need time.  Baths, sleep, wine, hugs.  

Thinking of you xx


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## Fertilityhawk (Jan 22, 2015)

Thank you Northern & MrsC for your very kind supportive responses.

I feel a little worse today than I did yesterday. I've came to work both days as I didn't want to be at home on my own but then everyone in the office is on a course so i'm just sat in an empty office    isn't that just typical.

We go to Cornwall in a couple of weeks with our beloved dog, I really don't know what we would do without our dog, he is such a help in such sad times.

We're going to take a couple of months off before booking in for our first FET.  I'm going to start running again, my husband is training for a half marathon in October, he's running to raise money for the Lullaby Trust, which researches and supports Sudden Infant Death.  Six months ago our beautiful 16 month old niece went to bed and just never woke up    My SIL has been such a support throughout this cycle, when she's so consumed with grief she's been able to give support to us which is amazing.  I'm very lucky to have such a lovely family.  It does feel as though we've all been hit with the s****y stick though.  

As the saying goes "everything happens for a reason" well i'd like to know what that reason is right now


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## Efi78 (Jun 26, 2017)

Fertilityhawk said:


> So AF arrived this morning to put an end to our latest hopes and dreams.
> 
> Quick recap
> IVF1 26 eggs - 2 fertilised  BFN
> ...


Wow FertilityHawk!
these results are amazing. It told you not to give up on your eggs yet. All the best in your future FETs. i am sure one of these blastos will become your baby

One thing that amazes me it fertility doctors ignorance and how much b/s advice they give.


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