# Negative?



## Sunette (Sep 26, 2004)

Hi,

I joined a couple of days ago and from reading through the posts here I expect that I'll test negative.  I'm due to test tomorrow but I started spotting yesterday about midday, it's very dark brown and was very light spotting until about midday today. Called the doctor this morning who said that as long as it stays dark and isn't heavy I have nothing to worry about but it's getting progressively stronger, cramps & the works.  To be honest I don't even want to do the test tomorrow and confirm what I already know.  

At the beginning of all of this I really thought that the injections would be the worst part of it but the last two weeks have been the longest two weeks of my life, being the obsessive person that I am.  I've become so tired over the last couple of days that even a negative result would be relief...of sorts.  I don't have the words to express how I feel.  This is my first attempt at IVF and I've stressed throughout the whole procedure which probably didn't increase my chances of success.  My heart goes out to each and every person who has experienced a negative result.  Those of you who attempted IVF several times with an eventual successful result are an inspiration to me.  

Well, next year is another year and at least then I'll know exactly what I'm getting myself into!!!  

Sunette


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## liza (Sep 12, 2004)

hI sunette
I'm so sorry you are feeling so low.There is always a chance that you could be wrong.i've read it so many times as I trawl the boards during my 2ww.
You know I think we all try to prepare our selves for a -ive but there is no way we will be ready for that kind of heart break.I send you loads of    
Never let go of the dream there are people who have succeeded after many failed attempts.I know I'm gonna hold onto that if I fail.
You will have days of utter dispair but eventually you will try again on each try I think the chances increase as the clinic understands more about how your body responds.

I hope I see a post from you saying you are +ive in the next few days.
Good luck x


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## Sunette (Sep 26, 2004)

Damn,  AF is here with a vengeance.  I'm trying so hard to cope.  I've been crying on my husband's shoulder for the last couple of hours and he's not doing too well himself.  I keep trying to think logically, what do we do now?  

On the one hand we can't not try again and on the other I don't want to go through it all again, perhaps for nothing, although we'll have to save up again for a while so there's no decisions to be made right now.  My hubby has insisted that we do the blood tests tomorrow anyway to get some kind of closure or the hope will foolishly linger.

I don't know if Ladies in Waiting is the correct place to talk about this but my husband isn't the kind of person to talk about what pains him, I think he's shell shocked because we were so positive.

Don't know what's more sore - my broken heart or the cramps in my tummy.

Any advice on how to handle all of this?

My moods are so erratic, changing by the second.  Tomorrow I have to go to work as usual and just carry on.

  :-


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## karen u (May 19, 2002)

Sunette

So sorry to see that af has reared her ugly head. I know its hard to believe at the moment, but the pain does get easier with time. I went through it 3 times before getting a +ive on my fourth. At the moment you just need time to get over this, and be there for each other.
Look after yourself.
Karen


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## Flopsy (Sep 18, 2003)

Dear Sunette,

I don't think that anything can prepare one for the shock of an IVF failure.

After our first attempt we were so shocked and surprised as we too had been positive that it would have worked.

We analysed every step of the treatment and the 2ww. We blamed ourselves for a long walk and felt guilty.

After the second failure we looked at other issues that could cause IVF not to work and discovered that I have immune issues that could stop implantation.

The grief is terrible after each failure and it does take a long time to recover the strength to try again.  Giving ourselves the permission to cry, talk and grieve helped with the recovery.

If you have the resources we found a holiday helped us to put some distance from ourselves and the first failure.  It was hard to do but we found the new surroundings helped us to recover.

Some people find that starting again quickly is a good way to focus on the future but we were not able to do this for while.

Hope that some of this helps.

With love from,


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## traceycarol (Sep 28, 2004)

Dear Sunette.  Sorry to hear your sad news.  

Everyone has their own way of coping and you and your DH will get through in your own way.

I found that taking a break before trying again and trying to focus on each other helped me and DH to get through. Flopsys idea of a holiday is a good one, even if you just get away for a few days.  It did wonders for me and my DH.

Good luck for the future.  I'm sending you loads of hugs and positive thoughts for next time.


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## pebble (Jul 8, 2004)

Hello Sunette
Sorry to hear your news, I know exactly how you are feeling, I have had two failed IVFs one last year and one this year, I am about to start again next month.
The same happened to me twice, the day before I came to do the test I started AF and it was the worse thing ever, I have learned that you dont know how you are going to feel each time you go through it, after the last time it failed, I said to myself that I am determined to do it another couple of times as it will eventually work for us. At the end of the day why shouldnt it work for us, it works for alot of other people. Hope you are feeling better soon, think positive I am sure your dreams will come true one day - hang in there xx


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## Bev xxx (Aug 31, 2004)

Hi Sunette,

Sorry to here you sad news.  Hope you are feeling ok and not put off trying again.

Take care

Love


Bev


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## Sunette (Sep 26, 2004)

Hi Ladies,

Thank you so much for your warm wishes and the support extended to me over the last couple of days.  What you've given me is so much more than sympathy or even empathy because many of you not only know what I'm going through but you've experienced it yourselves.

I'm sitting having a whiskey and truly relaxing for the first time in over a month.  I really have to learn to relax. If I had to guess why this didn't work I'd have to say that it was because I was too stressed out.  A friend asked me today why it didn't work so I told her that it's like having a baby the normal way...you dont' fall pregnant everytime you have sex.

IVF - who would have thought that it would become such an important word in my vocabulary.  I'm going to try and keep postive, keep trying and pray that I never have to become too familiary with another new concept, 'living life without ever having children'.  I suppose that if that ever happens I'll run dry my tear reserves and hopefully reach a point of graceful acceptance rather than allowing myself to be overcome by bitterness and a constant sense of loss.

Hopefully before I die one day I'll understand what this bloody 'reason for everything' is all about.

Let me stop talking now before I ramble myself right back into self pity.

Thank you again.

Sunette


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## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

sunette I am so sorry to hear the dreaded af has arrived, I wish I had words to console you both but there are non. I have been through the same dissapointments and the only thing that helps is time. You will pick yourselves up in your own times and only then you can make that decision wether to carry on or not with another attempt .I know in my heart If this attempt fails for me I cannot go another time,but it is so individual. 
A holiday is probably the best thing for both of you to relax and grieve.  all the best for the future  my thoughts are with you  cesca xxxxxx


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