# ANOTHER MIRACLE cycle buddies no. 4



## suzy

New thread everyone, we were getting a bit choked on the last one.

PREGNANT

Bev FET EDD -

Dee - natural conception - EDD -

Karen - IVF - EDD -

Clare_S - natural conception - EDD - 13/7/06

2WW

Suzy

CJ

IN BETWEENIES

Hun
Sunfish
Ali
Rowingbeau
Scruffyted
Spangle
Dixie
Moon
Sher
Tracey_72
Emma73
Shazzy
Succotash
Helena


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## suzy

Me again   I'm waiting for ds to wake up so we can go to a play centre

Succotash - I can't believe that success rates vary so much from clinic to clinic - how crap is that. You wouldn't want to end up in a bad one. In Australia, IVF is heavily government subsidised. The drugs are all paid for and they throw them around like sweets (I mean I had a nearly full canster of synarel left after cycle 2, and they gave me a fresh one, then I got the two mixed up, so who knows which I was using   (I'm sure both have boiled in the hot weather, but the older one has boiled several times  . Now I have two partially used, boiled ones ). 


It costs about $1500 per cycle, which is about 650 pounds. And there is no waiting list, so if after this disaster of a cycle is a bfn, or a non transfer, I think I might go again straight away, my choice. So in that way, I'm really really lucky. Whats happened is that the national health have agreed to re-imbuse is for 80% of out of pocket expenses for everything, not just ivf, once you have spent a certain amount on health each year - I think its $1200 per family. 


In my oestrogen ravaged hormonal stress head state, it actually never occured to me that the push to SET in Australia was political and from the government. I seem to remember though that it came from a meeting of IVF specialists and was being pushed by them. The government however is ansty about funding IVF for women over 40 and are going to limit their funding to three cycles a year for women over 42 (I think, maybe it was 40). Thats whats been publicised as being government led. Some of the clinics boast that their take home baby rate is nearly the same for SET as it is for multiple transfer. 

THe business about limiting funding for older women has got everyone very upset as the government keeps going on about the declining fertility rate and actually pays a "baby bonus" of several thousand dollars to every woman after they give birth. People think it should be a medical decision when to do or stop IVF, not a political one.


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## suzy

Me AGAIN! Beginning to feel a bit self obsessed 
I'm overjoyed as finally made it to ET and transferred two!! I was so scared this morning of recieving the call to tell me that I had none to transfer that I made myself sick.

We had an early blast and a morula that was "doing things".

Love,

Suzy


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## Succotash

Suzy - Just a quick one to say well done, you must be hugely relieved.  Talk about roller-coaster!  Poor you.  So glad that you've got your 2 little ones on board.  I can only imagine the anxiety you've been through.  

Everything's crossed for you.  Here's wishing you a relaxing and chilled out weekend.   

Love Succotash


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## CJ

Hi Suzy, yippee, you made it on the 2ww, and they sound like great embies, do you know how many cells they are ( don't understand early blast or morula) how many days old are they? 
I'm so pleased for you, I'm sure your headed for your BFP this time Hun    When is test day??

Lots of love and good luck CJ xx


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## Hun

Fab news Suzy!
I have a good feeling... 
Hun xx


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## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Suzy -   That's great that you had 2 transferred    so pleased you made it to the 2ww, you've got two good one's there   -did you get any to freeze?(not that you will need them ) Hope you are resting, when is your test date?
Thanks for re-doing the thread, they should make you a moderator!!

CJ-Hope you are ok and those embies are snuggling down nicely  

Tracey-Hope your op goes ok on Thursday you poor thing.

Succotash-I had my first Acupuncture appointment yesterday, she is a very nice lady and really seemed to know what she was doing, I actually slept last night for the first time since our FET failure, so she did something!! She said I am very stressed and also I am bad for sitting on the computer late at night, won't help me sleep as my mind will be to active and make me think even more (she sussed me out straight away, a worrier and a thinker!) so no more late nights on here for me  

Hun- Hope you have a lovely time tomorrow at your meet, have a glass (or two) of wine for me, I'm a real lover of red wine (my downfall!!)

Spangle- HI hope you are ok, how did your appointment go on Thursday?

We have been swimming this morning, it is beautiful here today so we are off on our bikes to the seafront to have a ride then a hot drink in one of the lovely cafe's... yum yum maybe even some cake!!   Stuff the diet today, i actual feel better today!!! Hooray, went to a very dark place last week....

Have lovely weekend all-  to everyone else.

Love Scruffyted xxxx


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## suzy

Hi everyone,

Scruffyted - glad that you are feeling better. Your bike ride sounds wonderful, such a family thing to do.

Tracey - glad you are having your op. You must have been bad for it to be booked in so quickly. If its any consolation, you didn't want to have it done when you were pg.

CJ - how are you feeling? My embies were day 5. A blastocyst has about 70+cells and its at this stage that it hatches out and implants. It has a clump of cells to one side (that becomes the baby), and a fluid space (that becomes amniotic fluid). A morula should be a day 4, so mine was slow at day 5 (so its probably poor quality, but who knows?). Many embryos don't grow further past the morula stage. I don't have any to freeze - the rest of my embryos were still stuck at 4 cells (one was 6 I think), so will be discarded.

Anyway, we went to a friends house last night for a games night (trivial pursuits etc), and I ate an absolute TON of yummy food 

Suzy


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## CJ

Hi Suzy
Thanks for explaining that to me, I'm a abit owrried though now as mine was 3 days old and was only 6 cells  it did lose one but is that a slow grower would you say?
On my 2ww with the boys I didn't even know what cell count they were, didn't even ask but this time I'm fix on it and if it's normal.
I have this silly though thats driving me mad that only odd number celled embies, at the time of ET, will make babies  I know I've lost it, but I found out from my nurse that the boys were 5 cell and 7 cells (odd numbers) and someone I know has twins girls from 3 cell embies..shoot me now I'm going nuts 

Hi Scruffyted, your day sounds lovely, did you get your bike ride and hot drinks (and cake )? As you can see from my post to Suzy , I have lost the plot a bit today, but I wouldn't be me if I thought positivly 


Tracey , good luck for your op on Thursday, god it must awful for you not to play with your Max  , hope it goes smoothly and you are soon painfree 

Hi to Hun and    

Love CJ x


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## suzy

CJ - you make me laugh. Its funny this superstition thing. I think that my dead dog in heaven will make me pregnant and when we set out to the hospital yesterday (me still waiting for the phone call to tell me not to bother), there was a 10cm lizard on the driveway, looking at me. Well I just knew it was the reincarnation of Tessa our dog. Then it scurried under the car and I had to spend the next few minutes making sure dh didn't run over it when we backed out  . If we do ever get pg with a girl, dh and I have joked that we'd call her Tessa (but although Tessa had character and determination and balls, she was a grumpy crotchety old woman really, so maybe we wouldnt' )


I know what you mean as well about not really knowing much in the cycle that made your boys - I was blissfully ignorant as well with my ds - jsut cruised through it, with quite bad pain from overstimulation but not thinking it was out of the ordinary. Now I'm a virtual encyclopaedia of knowledge .


I was told that by day 3, embryos should be 6-8 cells,  so I wouldn't say yours is a slow grower at all, but right on target. Also, they only look at them once a day (well here they do), and tell me that things can change dramatically in an hour so a six cell embryo can turn into an 8 or ten cell one an hour after its been looked at. Also, embryology is an inexact science. The doctor told me yesterday that they'll have months were they transfer poor quality slow growing embies and get a lot of bfps and other months with top grade embies and get a lot of bfn's.


I think very few of us going through this think positively. For me its a protection method and I've never been able to manufacture postitivity out of thin air. But the good thing is we've not as far to fall if things go wrong. My dh is very positive. Yesteray, he was sure we were just popping into the hospital for a few minutes to pick up baby number 2 (a girl ) and then off to find for our dream house. Life was just peachy for him, whilst I was a dribbling, nauseus bag of nerves with a very dodgy tummy.

Love,

Suzy


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## cookies

Hi ladies  


I've got some news I had alot of pain in the lower part of my back was sent to the hospital and they told me i they wanted to do a pregnancy test i told them there's no need  as my son was an IVF baby but they said they'd do one anyway. she came over and said it's   i couldn't believe it i asked her to repeat it   .
I'm still trying to take it all in such a shock my god natural conception ME i never thought I'd ever see the day.

Lot's of love from nick brian and   brandon.

PS i haven't been on for a while as our connection is down hope to speck to you all soon.


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## Hun

Congratulations cookies - what a lovely surprise for you!

Hun xx


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## cookies

thanks  hun.
wont be able to reply nets down at my house so will try to get it back up so try to speak to you soon.


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## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Cookies - I don't think we have "spoken" before, just wanted to say what wonderful news, so nice to hear of another natural after IVF-congratulations.

CJ and Suzy- you made me laugh with odd numbers and reincarnation    I am the same though and truly believe if anything makes you feel more positive then bring it on (even if it is strange! )   

CJ- yes we did go out on a bikes, it was a lovely afternoon, we ate cake   (yum yum) and had a drink, sitting outside on the decking overlooking the sea-very therapeutic. At last the days seem to be drawing out so spring is on it's way-hooray. Although they reckon we are in for a really cold spell this week! I don't mind that IF it's bright as well, not dull and overcast as it was last week.

Hun-How did your meet go today?

Was very good and went to the gym this morning while DH and DS went to the park then had a HUGE roast dinner at my in-laws!  Even better when someone else cooks it!

Love to all

Scruffyted xxxx


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## Kamac80

good luck suzy and CJ

Also wow congrats to cookies u lucky thing  

Kate xx


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## CJ

Hi girls, 

Hi Suzy, Well as least were as mad as each other , thats a good sign  Was really bizarre to read you found a lizard on your drive way (keep forgetting you don't live in u.k ) not quite as bizarre as the rest of your post though  It's so strange how this 2ww will make you think.
When we did TX last time my Grandad die in the Nov, (and we started TX a few months later in the Jan) and I'm totally convinced he helped us get pg and thats why it worked.
Thanks for letting me know about the cell count for day 3 embies, I was a bit worried , to go from 6 to 70+ in a few days seem imposs, but these little balls of cell are amazing.
My DH is too positive for my liking, I know you don't know wheather it has worked until you test but I'd rather think it hasn't and not get my hopes up,like you say not so far to fall then.
DH seems to think it won't fail,purely because it has worked before, I keep telling him it doesn't work like that, and with the Cons only giving us a 4.5% of getting PG you'd think he'd understand a bit more  Bless them.
Your DH sounds funny, just like mine, "he was just going to pick up his 2nd child" world of their own, lets just hope they know something we don't 

Hi Scruffyted,what a lovely day, "sitting outside on the decking overlooking the sea" god sounds like bliss, and eatting cake .
your right about the cold spell, we woke up to frost, and it's cloudy.
Down the gym on a sunday morning, are you mad , what will power, at least you have sunday lunch thats more Sunday like 

Hi Cookie, what a great suprise, good luck  

Hi Kate, thanks for the good luck 

Hi Hun, Tracy  and Co

Love CJ x


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## Bev xxx

Hiya everyone

Not been on since b4 xmas as have been really poorly.  I have had a terrible water infection which kept making me sick.  I refused to go to the docs at first as I thought they would laugh and say its just morning sickness but after alot of nagging I went and was told it was an infection.  Anyway had my scan on the 28/12 and they was 1 little heart beat.  I have my next scan on Wednesday which is my 12 week scan.  I can't wait. I still havn't been seen by a midwife yet so I rang this morning and complained they are seeing me 2morro.  They reckon they have had a back log I think they have just forgot me as a couple of my friends due after me have already been booked in.

Anyway enough about me hope you are all ok.  I am just going to spend the next few hours catching up on whats been happening with everyone.

love

Bev
xxx


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## suzy

HI everyone,

Bev - well done on your scan. How thrilling. Urine infections are the pits I know I've had heaps.

Cookie - congratulations on your pregnancy.

Scruffyted - yummo - roast dinner

CJ - it its amazing isn't it that a six cell embie can be 70+ cells two days later. My blastocyst was 6-8 cells on day 3 by the way. I was out walking the dog yesterday and this bigger lizard walked slowly across my path....  Hmmmmm, maybe they are trying to get a message through.........

Me - I am beside myself with this    thrush. It is killing me and kept me awake for the most part of last night. I honestly feel like my life is like a comedy of errors, its just one thing after another.  Last night I feel asleep with a plastic bag full of ice cubes between my legs, and woke up in a puddle of water  . After the nurse at my clinic telling me that canesten can interfer with implantation, when I rang yesterday they had a bit of a brainstorm with my doctor and decided that I could use it externally but had to wait till next Saturday to use it internally in case it interferes with the crinone. Anyway, last night I decided I HAD to use it as I'd be mental by Saturday if I didn't. I rang the company that make canesten yesterday and they are going to phone me today with the evidence they have about implantation.

Hi to everyone else,


Suzy


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## Hun

Awwww Suzy - you poor thing.
Thrush is 'orrible at the best of times - without all this extra worry
Sending big hugs your way...
Hun xx


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## Hun

Hi All

Had a rubbish day at work     Feel like I am a rubbish mummy and I am rubbish at my job too. AND I have to go to Brussels tommorrow   . Feel better for getting it off my chest though....

Hun xx


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## scruffyted

Oh Hun sweetheart-  .  You are not a rubbish mummy at all, Henry loves you very much.  You are just having a down day(we all get them) so everything seems worse.
I bet you are not rubbish at your job either, in fact I bet your boss would probably disagree with you!!!

Take care sweetheart -hope Brussels isn't too bad tomorrow. 


Love scruffyted xx


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## Dee

Hun,

Huge hugs to you.

Take a look at your profile pic!  
See that little fella beaming with love for his mummy ... he reckons your fab, me thinks!  

Hope you have a safe trip to Brussels and return back to your boy on time.

Love
Dee
xxx


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## suzy

God, I'm feeling crap as well.

Have been up most of the night and last night, with this wicked thrush, just couldn't get comfortable. In the end, dh told me to go and sleep in the lounge room as I was keeping him awake. When I am down or ill, he is just about at his most horrible, he can't cope. He told me tonight he was getting tired of it . He just takes solice in ds and ignores me.  He has thrush as well and his willy is bleeding. I told him I hoped it dropped off.

And the crinone is making me emotional and tearful and I can't stop crying. I'm sure this cycle hasn't worked and think that the crinone can't have been absorbed as there's so much discharge from the thrush (sorry if tmi)

Apart form this board and the dog,  I've got no-one to talk to - my friend who knows about our treatment is away - so sorry if this seems like a pretty full on vent.

Hun - you are the best mum  and the most comforting, loveliest lady - don't forget it.

Suzy


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## sunfish

Big hugs to Suzy & Hun

Sending you both lots of love

Camilla


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## sunfish

News my end...well we seem to be in the same position as the other month...but I have had an AF on 25th December of all days! Anyway, its now over 30 days and am getting AF type pains but no AF...probably arrive tomorrow now I've committed this to writing  I'm probably setting myself up for a disappointment but hey what the heck.

I have agreed with DH that I will test on Saturday if AF hasn't come, as we're going out to friends and staying overnight taking Isabelle too. And if its -ve then I can hit the booze! He thinks its unlikely as he doesn't think we did it at the right time, but who knows when I ovulate - Isabelle was a surprise.

Lots of love and sticky vibes to you all  

Camilla


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## CJ

Hi Hun, like everyone else has said, your not a rubbish mummy, the way your always here to comfort us and always care enough to remember and ask how were all doing and what going on with us just shows that your a very kind and caring person, and that just how mummy's should be , (I'll blow you some bubbles sweetie sounds like you need some at the mo )
Also I'm sure your great at your job, we all have down , and very down days and I hope today things look a bit brigther.
This time of year is always horrid, after Xmas, dark night, cold weather etc (worst day of the yr Monday wasn't it? ) so it's probably a lot of things making you feel this way. How are you feeling now?
Sending you lots of  and 

Hi Bev, good to hear from you, great news about for scan, hope the next one goes well for Wednesday 

Hi Suzy oh  for you too, what a rotton DH, making you sleep in the lounge, hope your DH's Willy doesn't drop off..well without it he'll have no brain won't he?  ..sorry I'm full of cheeky today 

I've never had thrush so don't know what your going through with it, but still really feel for you, I'm sure the thrush hasn't stopped drugs working or your dr or nurse would be worried I would think.
Just a thought is there anything natural that you can use, like live yogurt? You've probably tried that. I'll ask my mum for you she great with things like that.

Another lizard! either it's a message or your infested ..hope it's a message though  I've blowen you some bubbles too .

Hi Scruffyted, how you doing Hun??

Well no news from me, don't feel different at all from any other month, day 6 so I would think if little preston is still in their doing it's thing, then s/he would have implanted by now... stay away from the pee sticks  I'm not going to last much longer, I'm terrible.

Love CJ x


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## scruffyted

Hi girls

Suzy- You poor thing-  I have had thrush and it is b***y horrible even without the stress of the 2ww! As CJ said have you tried natural yogurt? It can help, also the discharge is normal in thrush (and maybe not the crinone) I had it with thrush, so much so one night i woke up thinking i had wet myself   but i hadn't it was all the discharge! Also I found wearing a long skirt and going without underwear helped-good job you live in Oz to cold here at the mo to do that!!! You vent away hun that's what we are all here for. Bum to your dh, why do some men not cope when their wife's are unwell (my dad is the same with my mum!) Has you dh taken anything for his thrush otherwise he could pass it back to you when yours has cleared up! I am sure none of this would have effected your embies    really hope this is the one for you. Try and keep your chin up hun.  

Camilla-wow wouldn't that be great another suprise.  

Hun- hope you are feeling a little better today sweetheart, CJ is right it is the worst week of the year according to the news and dark cold days do not help at all! Hope you got some sunshine to cheer you up in Brussels.  

Spangle-Are you ok? Haven't seen you post for a while. 

Tracey-Good luck for your op tomorrow, hope you are home very soon and you will be pain free. 

CJ-Hi you, thankyou for asking after me-I'm not to bad thankyou better than last week but if my mum phones me one more time to tell me about my sister's sickness, appointments, telling friends -I'll scream...  
Stay away from those pee sticks!!  way to early! Really hope this is the one for you   
I think of you and Suzy all the time as i go about my day sending positive vibes . Are you resting or carrying on as normal, (silly question with two little one's!!  ) i think I've read somewhere that implantation can happen as late as day 12(correct me if I'm wrong some-one) so go "preston" implant in your special mummy!! 

Bev-wonderful news that all is going well and that you are feeling better-hope the next scan goes well.

Hi to Succotash -hope you are ok.

Love Scruffyted xxxx


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## emma73

hello - super duper quick one form me - Hun, sorry you had a crap day, your not a crap mum - like everyone said, you are fab!!

Suzy - so sorry you have dreaded thrush, the 2ww is hard enough as it is. Hang in there - not long till that BFP now. 

CJ - thinking of you too - wishing you the best of luck - I have decided that if the FET works for you then I will go for a FET before a full cycle - its the only way I can make the decision!!

Hello to everyone else - sorry its such a shorty form me 

xx


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## Sue MJ

oh another one then..... to be followed up at some point!


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## scruffyted

Hi Tracey

Ah bless you sweetheart-I understand your worries but honestly GAs are fine (I've had a few! Unfortunately) I'm guessing you had sedation for your IVF last time?  Like your brother said (wow a GP!!) you will be fine.

Thinking of you tomorrow and look forward to seeing your post to say you are pain free.  

Love Scruffyted xx


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## Hun

Hi All

Gosh you are all lovely. Just back from Brussels (brass monkeys) in the nick of time to put our wee boy to bed, and my nasty BLACK TUESDAY confrontation situation at work has been sorted out (I spent entire Tues night awake and worrying about it before getting up at 4.30 to drive to the airport!!!). Just about to have a glass of wine and sit down with DH.

Just wanted to say a huge thankyou to you all. Sometimes I hate being a woman in a mans world, all the politics and backbiting all seems so bl**dy unnecessary. I just want to do my job and come home again. I have nothing to prove - just wish people would accept/believe that. 

Hope Suzy and CJ are bearing up OK on the 2ww - when are your test dates??  Suzy hope you are feeling better hun. All of this is so awful and stressful, and hard on our relationships. And it is lonely. Even our DHs - lovely and supportive though they are (well usually!) cannot know how tx eats into every thought and every minute of your day. Sending big hugs to you and CJ, and lots of very positive vibes   .

Helena - thanks for the IM sweetie. Good to hear from you. Looking forward to a chat sometime soon.

Scruffyted - Love to you. Hope you are on the up after your down and dark few days. 

Emma - How are you and your gorgeous boy?

Tracey - I know you are now in hospital - but hope all went smoothly and you are home soon. Onwards, and upwards - you are one step closer to your next tx and a sibling for Max.

Love to all
Hun xxx


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## suzy

Hi everyone,

Tracey - hope the operation went well and you were well looked after. There's nothing like an operation to put us face to face with our own mortality is there? I think its the loss of control during the anaesthetic thats the difficult thing. Sounds like it needed to be done though, and I'm glad you didn't have to wait to long.

Hun - so glad you're feeling better. Glass of wine with dh sounds puuurrrrrfect.

Emma - glad you have decided about FET. How many frosties do you have.  Hope little Luke is well.

Scruffyted - thanks for thinking of CJ and me. It helps heaps to know that someone is praying for us.

CJ - what day are you now, post "ovulation"? ( for me, ovulation would be EC and would make me day 11. I'm feeling no different either, except for very mild AF pains ( much less than my two other times), and mild breast tenderness in one breast. I vaguely remember when I got my bfp I had a lot more breast tenderness, so I've concluded its all over red rover for me. When are you going to test? 
No more lizards for me lately, so think they've been a little quiet "on the other side". Was sorely tempted to see a clairvoyant the other day when I walked past a sign for one in a shop front.

I'm feeling generally a little better. Started canesten pessaries finally yesterday - rang the clinic feeling desperate to do that, as the external cream wasn't working  at tall, and the  nurse rang one of the doctors who said internal treatment was fine and wouldnt' interfer with the progesterone gel. I have had the whole gammit of advice from them so who knows what to believe. 

Hi to everyone else - Spangle and Succotash, how are you both?

Love,

Suzy


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## spangle

Hello, 

Oh I can't believe I am such a Muppet. Thought the forum was quiet as I receive e-mail to tell me if anyone has posted and it hasn't happened-doh !! Just caught up. You have all been in my thoughts-you are so honest it is great.

Did any of you watch Child of our time last week ? Was half watching it and saw the end- it made me cry-all about siblings. It is amazing how suddenly that sadness hits again.

My appointment was cancelled at the clinic but thankfully at last the witch has arrived and have another appointment booked for a week on Monday. Fingers crossed it is going to be ok to start downregging- as well as discuss setting up the support group. 

It was a sad day on Monday a friend from the support group linked with my previous clinic had a scan and no heartbeat. This was week 9, she had had scans from week 6.My heart breaks for her.

CJ and Suzy- So sorry Suzy you have had additional stress from thrush. Hun is so right dhs try hard to support us but we can't help how we are thinking constantly about if it has worked. let's face it our dreams are what keep us going. CJ I have caller display so I can screen calls if I

Scruffyted- How lovely to sit and watch the sea on decking and have cake ! You are so good going to the gym. I have been on my bike but last Sunday had to walk back from bike ride as the chain fell off!!!!! I am scared to go out on it now in case it happens again !!!! It was funny !!How is your lovely boy? Is he at nursery ? DD has 5 sessions , her sweatshirt and polo shirt arrived yesterday. She looks such a big girl in it, it is scary how this time next year she will be at school. I am making the most of this special time as things are changing so quickly. We have a special word-having a huggle-a hug and cuddle all in one.

Hun-Your photo is so lovely of the two of you. There are days when it is so hard to try and multi task being a mum, wife and work. It is a constant juggling act. Sometimes I find i get narked when we run out of something because I  did not realise !  It seems mad but I think we all want to do every thing well and I know I sometimes let silly things bug me which really don't matter. I say thank goodness for dh he is a half full man where as me I am a half empty girl !! You I am sure are a fab mum. 

How are you doing Succotash?

Bev- Am so pleased that you have a 12 week scan coming. The positives keep me going.

Tracey72- Hope everything has gone well for you.

Take care everyone, I feel a Friday feeling is on its way !!! Yey-Love weekends !!! I am only working in the morning so my Friday feeling comes early ! Working or not the Friday feeling always comes !! ENJOY.

Love
Spangle


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## Clare_S

Hi All

Just a quickies from here

Tracey - hope the op went well and you are soon up and about with your darling Max.

Suzy and CJ - just thinking of you guys at the moment

Hun - sorry to hear you have been having a rough time.  Its a bit rubbish working in a mans world occasionally.

As for me I am full of the cold but surviving.  Bump is growing well and I heard the heartbeat on Tuesday afternoon which was fantastic.

Clare


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## CJ

Please feel free to by past my depressing post  ....

Hi Girls, sorry but it's a me post, I was silly and tested this morning , with a first respones (8 dpt, but 11 day old embie) and it's    so   with myself for doing it as now I'm really down and feel that it's failed.
Wish the    had got to me first, I feel like my bubble has burst now.
I haven't any pains anywhere, no boob, not even any AF type pains, which I got in my last 2ww, I also had a sore heavy feeling down there but this time nothing.

I've got a cold too, so I'm really feeling sorry for myself..the worse bit is I have let that negative result ruin our day as I have been thinking and moping about it ever since and the boys have been so lovely (even with colds) and I haven't really played with them at all this afternoon, I've just been sitting on the floor while they play around me.They haven't minded, I guess me just being around is enough but I hate that dark cloud feeling you get when you feel like a failure  I just feel like going to bed with my head under the duvet and staying there 

Sorry it's such a moany post everyone, I know most would give their right arm to have what I have (beautiful twins) but it's because their so lovely which makes this so hard, I know what wonderful children we make.

Strangely I feel a bit better already for writing this, not had anyone to talk today so it's been building up.

Love CJ xx


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## emma73

Aw - CJ surely its far far too early? I dont know how FET's work but I tested early on my last fresh IVF and though it was correctly a BFN my clinic told me to totally ignore the test when I phoned them 3 days before I was due to officially test to tell them I had caved in that morning. They said that it may be correct but it was as good as usless. Hang in there - you know it aint over yet hun.

xx


----------



## Cuthbert

Oh CJ, honey, hopefully it's too early for you to get an accurate result. I had no symptoms at all the one time I've been pregnant. You're bound to be down about the result and your boys won't hold it against you. But there's still a chance that you'll get a BFP; just try not to keep testing. 

Obviously I understand completely how you feel about wanting more children in spite of already having twins. So don't go feeling guilty about it, we can't help wanting more children and if we didn't have fertility problems there would be no guilt attached to having more children.

Take care, hun.

Jules


----------



## suzy

Hi CJ,

So sorry you're feeling bad. Its a total bummer isn't it, this business. When I had ds, I got a very faint bfp on day 13 post EC but by the next morning it was a bfn, and I thought I'd had a chemical pregnancy, so it can happen that you test too early and get a bfn and then a bfp.  I know it almost seems cruel to let yourself hope in a way, as then if its a bfn, you feel so so disappointed and kicked in the guts, its almost easier to believe its negative. I feel like a sado with my constant checking my boobs and - nothing either. And poor you having a cold as well.

Anyway, vent away as it does make you feel better. 

Love,

Suzy


----------



## spangle

Hi

CJ- Can totally understand testing early but it is def too early. You can't be certain it is a negative so please try not to feel too blue. I  hate that feeling when it's a negative cycle- boy have I had a few of those ! Please don't feel guilty about how you so want another baby/babies . This site/thread is all about saying how we feel and not feeling guilty for it. Jules is so right. As we have experienced having a baby/babies we know what it feels like and hence we want it so much. Like Jules said if we weren't experiencing fertility problems then we would not feel guilty for wanting another. For me this thread is the only place I do not feel bad for wanting another baby/babies. There is only dh and all of you who know how I really feel. I have some very good friends who have not had a sucessful treatment yet and I feel so guilty and bad because i feel like I am being greedy wanting another baby. This is the place where we can feel guilt free. Sending you a big hug.

Suzy- Do you keep looking at your stomach to see if it looks different ? I always do although I try not to because with dd I had a bloated stomach. Sorry I am mad- as if it would look different. It is just one of those 2ww things. I must admit I look at my boobs because before I tested with dd they were bigger !! They did not hurt though.

Hang in there girls.

Jules-  How is work ? I am having a really busy time ! 

Have a good weekend everyone

Take care

Love

Spangle


----------



## scruffyted

Oh CJ sweetheart-way way too early!    Wish you lived nearer so i could give you a big cuddle-  I really think it is too early as i said before i have heard that embies can implant late, even as late as day 12- so you are way to early-!!! 

Please don't feel guilty wanting another baby because you have two beautiful twins-it doesn't matter if we have one or two the want is still as strong and the desire is always there-if, like Jules said, we didn't have to have tx we wouldn't give it a second thought.

I had no symptoms at all when I was pregnant with my son apart from AF type pains-my boobs didn't hurt and I don't remember them being bigger (hard to remember so long ago now   )

Your darling boys wouldn't have minded at all that you didn't play with them, you were there and they know mummy loves them very much-that's the important thing. 

Sorry you have got a cold as well, damn winter!! Hope you and the boys feel better soon.

Try and keep your chin up sweetheart, we are all here for you and rooting for you and Suzy's BFP's   -stay away from those pee-sticks! 

Big hugs to you-  it ain't over yet you hear me!!!

Much love 
Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## Sue MJ

CJ - Been thinking of you lots - so hoping your BFN turns itself around within the next few days and shows the BFP you are longing for.

As others have said, you don't have any control over your desire for more children.  It doesn't mean to say we are not grateful for those we have, we just have that longing for more fullfilment with our families that is out of our control.

Love,

Sue xxx


----------



## CJ

HI Girls, ahh  thank you for letting me off load and understanding, it's funny because I was thinking if I had told my mum or sister then I could have had a good old moan and chat to them yesterday but then again , no one else will understand what I'm going through better than you guys, and thank you for telling me not to feel guilty, I do try but it's hard when reading stories on here, I just feel so sorry for some people that I even cry reading their stories. I know if we had no problems I wouldn't think twice about about wanting another child.

Hi Sue, thanks for thinking of me and repling, can't wait for the next meet up, I hope I can make this one 

Hi Scruffyted, ah your such a sweetie to me, I would love a hug but I'll settle for a cyber one  Last time I had so signs at all either apart from AF type pains on days 9-10 but I haven't had that this time..god pee sticks should illegal  
It's so weird because that desire is still there and strangely it's worse than before we had the boys, I guess we didn't know what we were missing, and what fab little babies we make. 
DH shocked me yesterday evening by telling me he had decided (before knowing about the neg test) that he wants more children and he can't wait and that if this fails he wants to go for a fresh go in 6 mths!  I was gobbsmacked.
At first we decided if this go didn't work we would wait until the boys were 3 before we went for TX again if we had the money (as it's always a bit tight etc as it is for most of us) and we are moving (hopefully) in a few weeks and there is building work that needs doing. 
But despite all this he wants to go again as soon as we can sort some kind of loan or add to mortgage.
I'm pleased but just a little taken back that he had been thinking about this all day and made this big announcement to me, It's a huge relive to finally feel like were singing from the same hymn sheet. We have always wanted more children but he was the "we can't afford it" person, and I felt like I was having to find ways to get the money and make all the sacrifices (like selling my car) but he says he will get a loan or what ever it takes  I think he means business, I've never seen him so direct and determinted 

Colds a bit better now, although still sneezing for England, I could hardly open my eyes last night as they were so sore, and my nose was caked in Vaseline. What a sight 

Hi Spangle, thanks for your reply Hun, it is hard not to feel bad for wanting another but it is great to have this Sanctuary to let it all out and know that there are so many lovely people on here to listen to you. Thanks for the Hug xx

Hi Suzy, thanks for that story about DS, how funny to be a + one day and - the next, at least it ended well with your lovely DS  How the 2ww going for you (and is the thrush better)? 
I have No boob pains , but I have found (from reading nearly ever 2ww post I can find ) that doesn't seem to effect everyone but nearly everyone gets some kind of AF type pains..do you have any of those? Sending you lots of    for good energy. What day do you test??

Hi Emma, I forgot to reply to your last post, even if mine fails this time you still have to try FET as don't forget my boys were FET babes  a 5 cell and a 7 cell on day 3 so you never know Hun xx

Hi Jules, I have kept away from the pee sticks, infact I don't have any in the house, so I'm being good now.
I'm glad another twin mummy feels the same s me, at my Tuesday twins group, no one wants anymore and they think me and my friend are mad as hatters for even thinking about it (they don't know about us having TX). My friend I go with is actually 33 wks with a little boy now and her two are 16 mths and they think she really lost the plot . They seem to find 2 a handful and the thought of any more is a nightmare. We tend not to bring the subject up now  Your going again soon aren't you? any dates yet? xx

Right boys are having a nap, their ill too 
Off to eat choccy, will need to diet after this 2ww.

Love CJ xx


----------



## suzy

HI everyone,

Dh persuaded me to do a HPT yesterday (day 12 post EC). We stared at it for half an hour and it was a definit bfn. We then went out shopping and when we got back - several hours later -  there was a line, very faint, but has got stronger (still v v faint). This morning (16 hours later - its 7am here now), another test is definately bfn - not even a smidgeon of a line.

I know this happened with ds, but the first hpt I did with him turned positive much earlier. I'm used to staring at this brand of pregnancy test (I use the work ones and do them every cycle and retrieve them from the bin hours later - honestly I could make a career out of staring at pregnancy tests, willling a line to emerge), but this has never happened before, where a line's appeared hours later.

I think its an evaporation line and I'm just a sad ******* hoping when there really is no hope.

My official test day is Wednesday. Just can't wait till then.

Suzy


----------



## Succotash

Just a quickie for Suzy and CJ as I have a horrendous cold and feel totally miserable.  Will hopefully catch up properly next week.

CJ - 8dpt is still early so don't give up hope yet.  Will be willing a line to appear when you test next.  Sorry to hear you've had a cold on top of this too.  My desire for another child is stronger than it was before DS too.  I'm sure if we could conceive naturally I would be a lot more blase about it.  

Suzy - pee-stick hell!  When I tested early on my last cycle the line didn't come up until after the time in which the test should be read.  I read the instructions and they said that a lower level of hcg could be detected if the test was read later (Acon brand).  Did the line have any colour to it?  If you read peeonastick.com I'm sure she says that evap lines have no colour in them and are like a shadow or grey but if there is any colour at all, no matter how faint, then this shows the detection of HCG.  Will be willing the line to appear for you too when you test next.  

You will both be in my thoughts and prayers over the next few days,

Love Succotash


----------



## suzy

Yes, the line's pink, same as the control line, but thinner. This morning's one is still deathly pale though, no line... 

If I carry on staring at these tests, I'm going to drive myself absolutely crazy . Feel like having a few   and   .

Will go and take ds and dog out for walk instead!


----------



## Tracy W

Hello 

Can I join in?  

I remember some of you from Last year when I did my FET.  We have decided to do ICSI#2.  
I have be stimming since wednesday and going for a scan on monday.

I'm a bit confused at present.  When I started d/r at christmas I was using the nasal spray and when I went for my baseline scan they told me I would have to keep going as my lining was borderline.  I asked them if it could be a problem with the nasal spray as I have an allergy and everytime I take the spray I sneeze.  I was informed that this could be a problem and I switched to the injections.

I had to keep on injecting for and extra two weeks and when I questioned as to whether this was to do with the spray again I was told told it was more likely to be my age.

I have a really bad time for a couple of weeks and my poor dh took all the brunt.  Has anyone heard this before??

Hope you are all well.

Tracy xxx


----------



## suzy

Oh no, am really in peestick hell.

Just done a super accurate one and a line appeared within 30 seconds that went and disappeared after three minutes and is now not there.

Aaaaghhh


----------



## Hun

Hi All

Hope all you lovely ladies are Ok today, and those with colds are taking it easy and feeling better soon. What a dreadful time of the year this is.

Tracey - Welcome to you. Sorry to hear your FETs were unsuccessful, and wishing you much luck for this cycle. I d/r for about 4 weeks on my last cycle, and suffered a lot of symptoms, it WAS NOT NICE and I am thinking of you, and hoping that it will all seem worth it in a month or sos time.

CJ - Probably too early to test hun. I tested on day 7 after a 5 day transfer and it was negative, and stayed negative. But frosties can take a bit longer to get going, and could well be late implanters, so it aint over til the fat lady sings. Send ng big hugs your way. It is as when you have already been pg once you expect it all to be the same the second time around, and many people say that the 2nd pg is very dif to the first? And also remember that you had two viable babies the first time pumping out HCG, so testing early the first time was ok, but if you have only one to implant this time, it may all show up a bit later.

Suzy -     
What can I say hun. I so want this to be positive for you after all you have been through this cycle. But things do sound a little confusing to say the least.   I am hoping that you get some clarity soon. Sounds like there def could be some HCG there, but maybe the levels are really borderline on the tests sensitivity, and you have varying amounts in your urine each time you test? Sending hugest hugs and prayers your way.

Hi to everyone else - sorry no personals but hope you are all having great weekends wherever you are.

I too am confused  . No period and now on day 37. Had lots of AF pains around day 28-32 ish that really got me thinking that I could be pg. This has NEVER happened to me before, longest ever cycle (in all the years of obsessively tracking) - is 33 days! And I am normally a 28-30 day cycle girl. However Pregnancy test yesterday a def negative. Did not have any ovulation pains this month either. All I can think is that dieting (low carbs, 1200 cals a day) has affected ovulation this month? Or maybe last years IVF cycle (though I have had 2 afs since, both on time). Anyone got any pearls of wisdom?  I am getting bloody annoyed, as I really want to get on with my day 2 blood tests so I can plan this years tx strategy.

Anyway, love to all
Hun xxx


----------



## scruffyted

Hi

oooo Suzy how confusing -I'm afraid i haven't a clue as I have only ever done 1 test and that was when i was 9wks pregnant with my ds (didn't feel sick for a day, and so got worried something had gone wrong!) I've always resisted and waited for the blood test  don't think I will next time though as so hard waiting for that bl###y phone call not knowing either way!  I so hope that this is a BFP for you and i am keeping everything crossed for you.  

Hi Tracey-welcome, I remember talking to you when you were having your FET, really hope this is the cycle you get your BFP 

CJ- How you doing sweetheart?? Hope you haven't been tempted to test again!   I'm keeping everything crossed for you, so hope this is your BFP  

Hun-mmm confusing, I'm afraid I haven't a clue, maybe you tested too early if you've ovulated late this month!! Really hope so, wouldn't that be wonderful a natural BFP for you.    Could be the dieting, but I think that if it does stop your periods it is because you are dieting to the extreme-which I hope you are not!!!

Succotash-Sorry to hear you are full of a cold-wish you better. DS was up all night with a raging temperature, he a poorly boy today, lots of cuddles on the settee (which is nice) he is full of a cold.

Anyone heard from Tracey72?? Hope you are okay-I saw that you were home on another thread and then had to be rushed back in-hope everything is ok and you are home again.

Love to all
Scrufyted xxxx

p.s-have decided to retest my FSH next month as can't help thinking that it was quite high, I'm hoping this was because I was so unwell for 3months?? So having Acupuncture weekly, hoping it will bring it down-fingers crossed.
So still don't know when i will be cycling again  as need to see our consultant for a planning appointment-Hun do you think we will have to pay for this as last time we went to BH (in October) and had a following up to our fet neg, we said we had to raise funds etc and they said to phone them day1 when we were ready to start, but I have a few questions I'd like to ask first re tx?


----------



## Clare_S

Just a quickie and a catch up later.

CJ - been thinking of you.  It really was far too early to test.  Keep going until test day.

Suzy - Good Luck.  If the line was there when thetest was complete and disappeared after the time it should have been read that thats OK.  Keep away from the peesticks until Wednesday !!  

Clare


----------



## spangle

Hello  everyone
Scruffyted- How is the cycling going ? So sorry your ds is poorly. Hope you have had a lovely snugly up/huggle day. Last time dd fell asleep on me one afternoon was so lovely I just did not want to move. They grow up so fast.

CJ /Suzy have my fingers crossed for you both hoping 2 lines appear.Suzy- sorry do not know what was going on with the line. Instructions do say to discard after 10 mins but then they vary according to the different makes.

Hun-sorry no idea what's going on. Really hope there is good news a natural bfp would be fab. I know dieting can affect af but so can stress. I find she is a law unto herself !! Whenever I want her to arrive she is always late !!

Hi TraceyW- good luck with this cycle. I have sniffed and had the prostap injection to down reg. I use to find the synarel did not always do its job and would have 2 wait an extra 2 weeks. I hated sniffing as I always worried in case I hadn't sniffed properly. I then changed to the 1 off prostap injection on 1 occasion i had 2 have another one. My last 2 cycles with a new clinic I have had the daily injection and there have not been any problems. Except hormone moods !!! Which dh suffers !!! Hope your scan goes well on Monday.

Succotash- Hope you feel better soon.

Jules- Have a good week at work. Only a few weeks left till half term !!

Take care everyone hope you have had a good weekend.

Love

Spangle.


----------



## suzy

HI everyone,

Hun - I'd so much love you to be pg but I think its probably due to your diet and recent stresses, unless you've ovulated late on this cycle.

CJ - how you going? Not long now 

TraceyW - I always sneeze after synarel too and find myself really trying to hold it back for the five minutes after sniffing. Dont' know why your d/r doesn't work that well. I think Emma on this thread had something similar with her last cycle.

Scruffyted - HOpe your acupuncture works. Does he/she specialize in IF?

Succotash - hope your cold gets better.

Thank you so much to everyone for your encouragment and support, but I'm a definate bfn for this cycle . AM really gutted and heartbroken. Never again will I succumb to the horrid peesticks - but its not the peesticks its the bfn that is the most difficult thing to deal with.
I might have had some kind of implantation happening with the results I've had on the peesticks, but at best, I've had a chemical pregnancy. In any case, its hot happening for me this cycle.

I have just been for a coffee with a very good friend of mine and she told me she is pregnant. I couldn't stop crying and in the end, had to tell her about the IVF. At the moment, its just one after another of the women in my mothers group who are pg.

My instinct is to try again straight away - I can see you all shaking your head in horror, thinking I should give myself a break, but the fact is, I'm nearing 40, I can go again straight away, and I'm told it doens't affect your chances if you have back to back cycles.  I think it might be mores stressful to wait, feeling I'm doing nothing, but biding my time. I find that the worst thing about all this is the time it takes. I feel a bit cheated this cycle, as there were so many other things going on. 

So I've made an appointment with my dr tomorrow (he had a cancellation available), and I've also made an appointment with the other big IVF clinic in Sydney for Friday, to see if they would do anything else differently.

Suzy


----------



## Hun

Suzy

I am just so sorry  Sending massive hugs your way. I have been thinking of youand just willing and hoping and praying that you would be lucky this time. It is truly gutting.

I do admire your resilience in keeping going - no you are not mad, you just want what we all do, and so we quite understand. Good to let all this negative stuff out in the presence of a good friend too. Remaining   at these times just leads to extra stress in trying to internalise the feelings.
I think getting a second opinion at another clinic is a great idea - they might have suggestions for a different type of protocol - though obviously you respond well to the meds so not entirely sure that is the answer.

And if this all comes down to a roll of the dice - then lady luck has to be on your side again soon......

Much love
Hun xx


----------



## Hun

Scruffyted
RE: your question, I am not sure what BHS policy is on this, but I would try every trick in the book to get your questions answered without booking another consultation and getting charged another £120. To them this is peanuts. To us it is a lot of money.
- Phone and ask to speak to your consultant, if s/hes busy ask if he can call you back.
- Leave a message of your specific questions and see whether a consultant will get back to you
- Is it something one of the nurses could help with....if so ask their 'expert' opinion
- Write a letter - add your questions and wait for a reply
- And if none of that works, book another cycle, then on baseline day ask to see someone - even if it means waiting around, and don't pay your money til your questions are adequately answered.

Good luck! We are in the same position so this will be my strategy....
Hun xxx


----------



## emma73

Suzy - a really quick one- I'm running around after Luke but just logged on to check on you and CJ- I am so so sorry to hear this news, I had such a good feeling for you as well!! i can totally understand why you are going again straight away, better than doing nothing, in fact I think the waiting is one of the hardest parts. 

I hope you come out of your Dr appointment feeling very positive, big hugs to you

Emma xx


----------



## CJ

Oh Suzy, I'm so sorry to hear this horrid news  I thought that was it after you posted about the lines coming up straight away, b**ldy pee sticks they are   how cruel to mess you about like that.

I don't think your   for wanting to go again, only you know when it's right and to be honest I'm like you I'd be straight back on the "horse" so to speak if we could afford it.
Hope the Dr's goes well, and they can get you going on another cycle soon.
Feeling so sad for you, I got all excited after reading your post about the lines coming up, so god knows how your feeling sending you lots of  


Went to the dentist today and he said I need an x-ray and 3! fillings, I feel really worried as I don't have any fillings at the moment and I don't have any pain either, I only went for a check up  I told him I had no pains and he said that the holes haven appeared on the surface yet..so how can he tell I need a filling?? After I question him he said well just come back for a clean and polish and the x-ray and then will see..so can't be urgent  I think Dentist hand out fillings too quickly, I was told to have one 3 + yrs ago and I didn't think I needed one so went to another Dentists the same week and they said I didn't need any  Why do they say you need then if you don't

Well still having really bad af cramps, sore pains etc so thinking af might show up before test day now 

Hi to everyone I'll try and do personals later 
Love CJ x


----------



## scruffyted

oh Suzy sweetheart-I really thought this was the one for you...I am so so very sorry. 

I can totally understand your desire to try again straight away and would have done the same if we had had the finances-really hope your appointment goes ok, I think like you said it is all the waiting in between etc that is so stressful.
I think that it was good to tell your friend as Hun said we shouldn't keep it all in, we all need suppport, it must have been so very hard for you when she told you she was pregnant-even without your sad news  life is so very unfair. I hope she was understanding and gave you a big hug and offered her support.

Please take care-big hugs to you   - I am so very sad for you. 

Love scruffyted xx

P.s In reply to your question re Acupuncture-no she doesn't specialise in IF, i couldn't find anyone who does locally but she is very nice and seems to know her stuff. Fingers crossed it works.


----------



## scruffyted

Hi

Hun-Thankyou for your reply-your right i really cannot afford to have another consultation again-good thinking re your ideas I will definitely try them and hopefully get them answered, i have quite a few questions but the way i look at it they (i think!!) and we really want this cycle to work so if by answering questions we all get the result we want then it is worth asking them and we are paying for a service! Sorry does that make sense  

CJ-How you doing sweetheart? Am keeping everything crossed for you-we need some good news on this thread    -sorry no pressure at all   
Re your dentist-i am sure they say it needs doing when it isn't to bad for money!! Call me syncal but a friend of mine paid a huge amount of money to have a lot of work done then moved home and dentist and was told she probably didn't need to have had all the work done!!! So maybe get a second opinion again-if there is no hole how can he tell?? 
Keep positive for your test day-   thinking of you.

Hi to everyone else-ds not at pre-school today, he still poorly so going to snuggle up on the sofa.

Love scruffyted xxxx


----------



## Tracy W

Hi all

Thank you all for your advice.  

Suzy - sorry to hear your news.  I think you are not mad to "get back on the horse".  I would have done the same if money & polyps didn't get in the way!!

CJ - Try not to think the worst.  I am keeping everything crossed for you.  I remember you from when I did my FET last year and wish you all the best.

My scan is actually on Wednesday.  I think these drugs are really effecting my brain this year.  It hasn't helped that both myself & dd have a stinking cold.

Tracy


----------



## Succotash

Suzy - I am so sorry to hear your news.    I was really feeling hopeful for you with those lines.  If you feel up to getting back into treatment then I think that's the very best thing you can do.  And the second opinion too - we're having one in April at least that way I will know that I've done what I can.  I so know what you mean about the big 40 looming but do remember that there's a big difference between just starting treatment at 40 (or having had multiple failures by 40) and being 40 and having already succeeded.  Well, at least that's what my consultant keeps telling me so I keep telling myself!  It also makes it frustrating doesn't it?  You've done it before and you want to do it again.  If you want a lift then log onto ivfconnections.com>pregnancy>pg over 40 ....... loads of happy stories.  Glad you confided in a friend and I so hope she gives you the support you need.  Good luck with your appointment today.    

CJ - I'm hoping and praying that those AF pains are your embie implanting.      I had a similar dentist experience some years ago - told I needed 4 fillings.  The next time I was at home I went to our family dentist and he said I didn't need the fillings and to this day I've never had them!  May be worth a second opinion if you don't trust this guy. 

Hun - Yikes to your long cycle.  I have no pearls of wisdom other than a late ovualtion delayed by dietary changes and stress or an anovulatory cycle.  No help whatsoever .....  Will, though, be hoping for a natural BFP.

Scruffyted - Meant to say before now that I'm so glad that you've found a local acupuncturist that you feel so comfortable with.  That's great.   So glad too that you said you are feeling better.  This all bodes well, methinks.  

Clare + Bev - Glad to hear that your pregnancies are going well.

Tracey W - Hi and welcome.  Can't answer your d/reg conundrum as I have the opposite problem but good luck and let us know how it's all going.

Spangle - Hello!

Hi to Tracey, Jules and everyone else.

Love Succotash


----------



## helenab

Hi everyone

Suzy - so sorry sweetie.  Sending you lots of  .  Only you know how you feel and whether you're ready to jump back in - there is no right and wrong.

Caz, hang on in there - naughty for testing so early!  Way too early!

Hun, what news from you?  V long cycle (normal for me!!  ) but did you test?  Sounds like the diet is going really well.

Hi to Sruffyted, Succotash, Bev, Clare, Spangle, Jules and everyone else on this growing thread!

No news from us.  Got the prescription to go, but need to move house, unpack, try and find a house to buy (we're gonig to rent till the right thing comes up) and celebrate Sienna's first bday before I visit the chemist to pick up the drugs.  Also need to lose last 7lbs - it will have taken me almost a year to lose the 3 stone I put on during pregnancy.  Phew!  I hope that if we lucky enough to have another baby, I just remember how hard it has been before I slip that extra donut into my shopping basket!!!!   

Just a quiet few weeks then...  

Love Helena
XX


----------



## Cuthbert

I'm so sorry Suzy to hear your news. You've had such an up and down few days and I had everything crossed for you. If you think that you're ready to go agin then go for it - you'll only regret it if you don't. Your friend's timing was reallu out - thinking of you.

CJ, I'm hoping that the AF pains are a good sign and not AF arriving. You're right about dentists - I've always had really good teeth and yet the first time I visited a new dentist he decided that I needed 2 fillings, hmmm.

Helena, you sound madly busy at the mo. Good luck with losing the weight - I need to motivate myself to lose some weight as well as I'm the heaviest I've been since before we started IVF.

Tracy, good luck with the scan. I hope that the drugs have been doing what they should've done.

Spangle, how have you found it being busy with work? I've got a student in my class and I'd forgotten what a strain it can be - I've got no time to myself (to come on here in my lunchbreak) and am constantly having to pick up the pieces after he's lost discipline and let the class run wild. I can't wait till half-term.

Hun, how are you doing? Has AF decided to make an appearance or is it still all frustrating you? And has work calmed down at all?

We've arranged a visit to the clinic in Bristol for half-term to have a look around before we start treatment. Typically the only date that we could do is a day that my Dad's away so Daniel and Charlotte will have to come with us ... but at least it'll give us a feel for whether it's the right thing to do to take them with us.

Hi to Scruffyted, Succotash, Bev, Clare and Emma (sorry if I've missed everyone - I'm finding it hard to keep up with this thread).

Jules


----------



## emma73

Hello - off topic a little, but I just wanted to ask what life is like being a teacher, to the two teachers here. I have been thinking of going into Primary School teaching for years on and off - I would be doing the Postgrad Qualification (if I got in) and wondered if you have any tips, advice or words of warning!! 

its either teaching or Social Work - though goodness knows how I will manage going back to Uni!

Thanks in advance - 

Suzy hope you are holding up OK, and CJ - do hope that Af has stayed away. 

Love to everyone else

Emma xx


----------



## scruffyted

Hi

Suzy-Thinking of you and sending you hugs again- , hope your appointment went ok-can't stop thinking about you.  

CJ-How you holding up sweetheart So hope you get a BFP, thinking about you lots and sending huge    vibes. .

Tracy-good luck for your scan tomorrow, hope you have some lovely follies growing nicely. 

Hi to everyone else  

Love scruffyted xxxx


----------



## Cuthbert

Emma, I've sent you an IM.

CJ, I'm still keeping everything crossed for you, honey.

Love Jules


----------



## omnad

Hi girls,
sorry been awol a bit and now will be impossible to catch up, but I'll try.
Suzy- so so sorry to hear your sad news, it is so difficult. But as everyone said you had one successful cycle and I am sure it can happen again. I understand what you mean with time, so go for it.    
sending you lots of   
CJ- hoping for good news.
Tracey- good luck for your scan tomorrow.
Scruffyted- glad you are feeling better.
Succotash-  
hi to everyone else   

I've started my fet and I have my second scan on 13/2, the hopefully et on 15th if we have any embies to put back. We have 3 left, but they are the slowest we had, so not very hopeful. worth a try.
we are very busy at the moment as dh has a new job, so will be moving to wiltshire in the summer. So we're looking for a new house, school, new job for me etc.
I have an interview next week. everything seems to happen at the same time  

love
Sharon


----------



## Cuthbert

Ooh, good luck Sharon. Where in Wiltshire are you looking?

Jules


----------



## spangle

hello everyone,

Scruffyted- How are you? How is your ds? have you got any news about your x-ray? (sorry if I have missed anything) Has he gone to preschool today? Thankfully I did not have a call for work today so have had a lovely day at home. DD at nursery am so I did disco dancing ironing !! and then went on a bike ride- thankfully chain did not fall off today !! Have stopped playing with the gears !! Went to a friends for a play pm and had a lovely time. was worried about any questions as my friend has 2 children but thankfully it did not crop up. Was saying to dh how lovely it is to have some me/housey time. I added that would rather not have this time and have a second baby but that just goes without saying. well working tomorrow all day so really savour our special time together, not looking forward to this time next year as she will be at school as too will be your son.

Jules- I remember those days with students too well....having no space to get on with things. I like being busy as the day flies by and any work is needed to help pay for treatment. Am working tomorrow-think I will do assembly !! in a 3 class school with r/Y1/Y2 in the class I will have. It is a very tiring day!

CJ- Good luck.

Sharon- Did you use to post on babyworld a few years ago?Good luck with this fet.

Emma- I did a PGCE. Hope it's ok will send you a IM tomorrow night.

Suzy- sending you a hug. It is so tough, especially at toddler groups- where ever you look there is always a pregnant woman. I sometimes feel out of it as most have had there second. If only they knew the heartache we suffer. 

Helena-Wow you have got a lot going on. DD first birthday I can remember it well, it is so lovely. Like the bit about the extra donut when you were pregnant. I did exactly the same, it took just over a year to get rid of the love handles and then the weight just suddenly dropped off. Think it was to do with how busy I was with dd I just never seemed to sit down as she was constantly moving. Like you say I won't do it next time- fingers crossed. I want the Humpty Dumpty days back !!

Hello to everyone else,

Love

spangle


----------



## suzy

Big rant coming....

ANOTHER friend of mine has just rung me to tell me she's 12 weeks. Thats my three closest friends pregnant - one 12 weeks, one 8 weeks and one is 14 weeks.  What is it with me? Everybody I know is pregnant. Its so in my face, I can't stand it. I just have to get it off my chest.

Suzy


----------



## emma73

Suzy - I cant imagine how horrible that must be. there is somebody in my extended family who I have hear is pregnant and that was bad enough - but she is in London and I dont ever see her, hardly know her really. 

Big huge hugs to you (((((((((((((Suzy)))))))))))))))

Lots of love Emma xx


----------



## Hun

Suzy,

I do feel for you. It is such a difficult thing to see how easy some things are for some people, when the same things are so hard for others. You are not alone.

Try to concentrate on you, and the positives in your life - this sounds like something someone who isn't an IF sufferer would say doesn't it? Other peoples lives are rarely as rosy as they may seem on the outside. Just concentrating on how much I loved my son and how good I wanted to make things in the future for him helped me get through my negative result.

Take things one day at a time, and try and focus your energies (if you have any left I know how draining this is). What other people are doing is painful to see right now, but ultimately is irrelevant to you. I find telling myself that helps to me to get a perspective at my NCT groups as the bumps grow and pg chat takes over from toddler chat. It helps me to maintain an emotional distance from it all. Try and find a way to distance yourself from it emotionally.

Sending hugs your way Suzy. Be brave, focused and single minded. It might seem elusive right now, but you will get your dream. Hope i haven't offended - just trying to offer some of my own coipng strategies.

Hun xx


----------



## scruffyted

Suzy

Sweetheart-sending huge hugs to you   -it is so b###dy hard!! I know exactly how you feel.  I have no pearls of wisdom, only that you will get there very soon and your second child will be not only be beautiful but so very special.  

Take care

Love scruffyted xx


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Spangle-    you made me laugh so much-disco dancing ironing-love it!! Will have to try that one, I normally do my ironing in front of the telly (in fact I will be tonight whilst watching Desperate Housewife's, how sad am I, but i love it) My ds is still poorly so not back to preschool yet-does your dd go every day? My ds goes four mornings, I really am not looking forward to him starting BIG school (as he calls it)    he will be far to young as far as i concerned. He starts in Sept this year    he will only be just 4 and 2months!!! Way to early, I'd much rather he started in Jan 07 (or even better sept 07!) when he will be 4 and half but for some reason all our local schools now only do one intake in January??!! Why i do not know! I didn't start school until just after my 5th birthday! Thankyou for remembering my x-ray-it came back all clear thank goodness so the Dr said it must have been a very bad virus/chest infection thing-I don't think he had a clue to be honest, I'm just relived that finally after nearly 3months I feel more like me!! I haven't been out on my bike for couple of weeks as sooo cold, you are good. Couldn't get to the gym this week as ds poorly, hopefully will be cancelling my membership soon as I'll get a BFP, WHEN I eventually start tx again!! Hope work wasn't to bad for you today.

CJ-How you holding up hunni?? Not long to go now  

Sharon-wow you kept your fet quite, that's great that you are trying again-fingers crossed   
you don't believe in taking it easy then??   what with moving house, new job etc hope the interview goes well. How comes you are moving areas? family or just a change?

Hun-How you doing? Any sign of AF? hope not in a way as hopefully it's great news. 

Tracy-How did your scan go-hopefully lots of juicy follies!! Any date for EC yet?

Helena-I was exactly the same, put on 3stone when pregnant with ds then took nearly a year to loose it all-but I'd do it all again in a heartbeat! your dd 1st birthday will be very special, I cried my eyes out on ds 1st. (have done on all his birthdays!)

Succotash-hope you are feeling better. 

Jules-bet you are looking forward to half term-1 to not be at work and 2 to go for your appointment and start the ball rolling again.

Suzy-sending you hugs again-it's so hard as you know I am the only one in my crowd of friends with one child and my NCT group (all 12 of them) have had their second and the last one (but me  ) is due in April. They used to ask me when we were going to have another but now they don't even ask-which is good in someways i guess as I would brake down again!  

Emma-when do you think you will have fet?? 

Hello to Tracey (if out of hospital, hope so!) and Clare hope you are feeling well and baby growing nicely.

At last it is the 1st of Feb as I hate January-the weather!! But also being a bookeeper b###dy Tax returns have to be in for 31st!! Done all my clients though!! Hooray!!

Love Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## Betty M

Hello there - Can I join you? I've been lurking here and posting on the Hammersmith thread  on the general IVF board who are lovely but I sometimes feel bad about talking about my DD there and hoped I could talk to some of you as well.

I am one week into stimming at the Hammersmith.  My story - I'm 38 with lupus (the disease itself rather than just the various antibodies), DH 41 - TTC for about 3 years properly before started on IVF - our problem is that old favourite "unexplained". I had my first IVF cycle in 2003 on the NHS - result my daughter who is now just over 2! We had some embryos left over so had a FET last Spring - got a positive but miscarried at 7 1/2 weeks.  Went back for a fresh cycle in the Autumn but BFN - which was hard particularly as only 2 out of 6 eggs fertilised - the 2 that did were goodies but no luck. The embryologist couldn't come up with a reason why the rest did nothing just said it was "very disappointing". The consultant said it was probably just one of those things so here we are again.  I went to Zita West for last year's cycle figuring that this time I am paying so I might as well do everything  possible.  I saw the nutritionist and had acupuncture - not sure what effect if any it had - but sticking to it for this time.  Am also drinking litres and litres of water and going protein crazy in hope that I get more and better eggs this time round.  Luckily I have a fantastic GP who is funding all the IVF drugs on the NHS. 

I too am in that phase where nearly all my NCT group are getting pregnant one after another - one is even trying for her 3rd and even the lady who joined us post-natally as her baby was born with a surrogate is on her 2nd surrogate pregnancy.  None of them know we had IVF in fact no one knows not even our families so it is particularly hard explaining why we aren't having another yet.

Sorry to ramble but just wanted to say hello.
Betty


----------



## Clare_S

Just a quick pop in, I will do a proper post later.

Suzy - Just massive (((hugs))) been thinking of you

Betty - *waves* hi nice to meet you

Clare


----------



## omnad

Hi girls,
thank you for the warm welcome after so long.
Suzy- I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. It is so difficult to cope with all these pregnancies after 2 failed cycles. Everyone seems to be pregnant when you are desperate for one.
I am sure you will get your dream, lots of hugs.
Clare- can't believe you are 16 weeks, time flies. How are ou feeling?
Hun- hope you are feeling better.
Scruffyted- I kept it quiet because I hate d/r, I thought if I don't talk about it it will go quicker  
We are moving to a village near Swindon, dh found a job in a small animal practice (he's a vet). He wanted to make this move a long time ago, but didn't find the right job. It is a bit daunting making this move, finding a job, new house, new school etc, but we needed a change especially after our last pregnancy.
I agree about feb at last, I hate these dark winter days.
succotash-  
Cj- how are you?
Spangle- I don't even know what babyworld is  
welcome Betty and good luck with this cycle.

hello to everyone else,
Sharon


----------



## CJ

for us, I feel so sad and down I just want to get into bed and stay there, I hate the way TX and the 2ww takes over so much of your life and then with one pee stick your dreams get flushed down the f*cking toilet , right rant over, need to move on as I don't want my bed mood to effect the boys when they wake up from their nap.

Will wait until they are in bed tonight to a good  then have a  and then a 

Thank you all so much for your support and faith that we might have done it, it really means a lot, just feel like I have let friends and hubby down as well as myself and the boys, I know how much we all want our txt's to work and when they don't it's such a kick in the teeth.

Hopefully we can get a loan for another go, DH is up for doing that if we can, which is one huddle over with.

I'll try and catch up a bit later on what everyone is doing,

 CJ x


----------



## Succotash

Hi all  

Suzy - I really empathise with you sweetie, it's a tough one to deal with.  Hun had some very wise words.  We all cope differently but here's my coping strategy.  It has been 3 fold 1) trying to reprogramme my thoughts, 2) having a backup plan/life plan and 3)  trying to use this time between treatments to get things done, mainly around the house, that I've been unable to do because of tx or pg.

Re 1) whenever I have a negative thought I consciously try to replace it with a positive one, eg I'm never going to be pg again > well, I have done before so I can do again.  I'm too old > well the Chancellor's wife is 2 years older than me and she's managed it; my granny had my mum at 42; DH's great aunt didn't have her first till 41 then produced 2 more etc, etc.   It is bloody hard and I'm only successful half the time, and I do allow myself to wallow, but it has helped me enormously.  After the m/c I just saw pg women with toddlers everywhere so I made an effort to look for those with only a toddler or none, that helped too.  2) I'm going back to Uni to study psychology which is what I always wanted to do but found myself pushed down a vocational path instead 3) I'm starting to redecorate our bathroom next week.

We are all cheering you on and do vent and rant as that's what we are here for.   

Betty - Hi and welcome to the club.   

Sher - Great to hear from you again.  My goodness you have a lot going on.  I love Wiltshire and spent 6 months working there.  Just loved the countryside - I had to drive a lot so ended up down all sorts of back roads.

Love, Succotash


----------



## Succotash

CJ - I am so, so sorry.    It's total pants.  Words just seem so inadequate at a time like this.  We women take the brunt of tx and all it entails and you have not let anyone down.    I hope you get the opportunity to get mad and have a really good cry too.  Chocolate is a great healer too.

Love Succotash


----------



## scruffyted

Oh my dear CJ

I can't believe it   i really thought this was the one for you, I feel so sad for you sweetheart-my heart goes out to you. .
You have not let anyone down, it is no-one's fault it is this bl###y tx!! If only they could find out why it doesn't always work! Please remember it has worked once for you and will work again.  
There are no words to comfort you at this very sad time-all i can do is send you my hugest hugs and to say I am thinking of you.

We are not having a lot of luck on this thread lately!   

Take care CJ, we are all here for you to rant or whatever  

Have a huge glass of something tonight (or two!)

Lots of love to you and your dh.
Scruffyted xxxx


----------



## Tracy W

Dear CJ

I'm sorry to hear your news.  I remember how hard it is when you have pinned your hopes on FET working so you don't have to go through the full cycle again.  My heart goes out to you both.  Have a good   and   tonight!!! 

Love

Tracy xxx


----------



## Tracy W

Dear all

Quick update.  Had scan last night and was told I had 19 follies and EC should be next wednesday.  Fingers crossed.  I was worried that after it took me twice as long to D/R that everything else would go t*ts up but it's looking hopeful.

I had 4 people fall pregnant last year.  A cousin with her 3rd, 2 close friends 1 second and 1 first, and my sister 1st baby after 3rd IVF cycle.  Until then we hadn't had any for ages!  Typical just as I was trying my last FET.  

I found last time that I was pregnant on my own, it would have been nice to share it with one of my friends.  Still fate does things in her own special way.  Just wish she could let me in on her plans sometimes!!!

Tracy x.


----------



## Hun

Just to send my hugest hugs to CJ. Its a crushing disappointment.
Take care, and I am thinking of you
Hun xxx

P>S Betty - great to have you on board!


----------



## Cuthbert

I'm so sorry to hear your news, CJ (have posted more to you elsewhere) - I really hoped that this was going to work for you.

Welcome to Betty - good luck with this cycle.

Tracy, it all sounds good so far, other than the long d/r. Fingers crossed for you.

Sharon, which side of Swindon are you moving to? We're in Marlborough and I teach in a small village 7 miles from here.

Jules


----------



## Clare_S

CJ - just read your news and sending you a huge huge (((hug))

Clare


----------



## Clare_S

Tracy  

Great news on the scan - hopefully there will be some cracking eggies in there for you.  Its hard when other people are getting pregnant around you so make sure you take care of yourself.

I guess it must be nice in a wierd way your sister having been through IVF too, at least there is somene in the fa,ily you can relate to on it.

Clare


----------



## scruffyted

Hi

Welcome Betty-what a wonderful GP you have!!! Any idea when E/C will be yet? Hope you get lots of good quality one's.   

Tracy W- Glad you added a "W" as getting confusing with 2 Tracey's! Great that you have 19 follies!! looking good!

Hi to everyone else.

Love scruffyted xx


----------



## spangle

Hi all,

CJ- I am so very very sorry. Words fail me, sending you a big hug. It is so very very hard how all the hope disappears in minutes. Hope following all the suggestions- having a good drink, a rant, a good cry and some chocolate will help  you to feel better. Sending you another hug. 

Betty- Welcome, this is the place where you can feel truly comfortable with feeling sad wanting another baby and not feel guilty about it. 

Tracy- Sounds good, fingers crossed for you.

Reading all the advice is something I am going to try to follow on the bleaker days waiting for number 2.
Succotash- what brill advice- I find it really hard to focus on the positives and will try to follow your advice. I am such a half empty girl. Am definitely going to look for people with one child- at times it feels like everybody has 2 or more.(don'tmean twins ladies) Good luck with course and decorating. 

Scruffyted- So is your son starting school in September ? DD is January. Your son starting in September is too early I totally agree. Starting in January is hard enough. I feel sad too but also excited as dd will be in one of the schools I do supply in. Can't imagine what it will be like not seeing her all day during the week. I miss her when I am at home and she is at nursery.DD goes 3 mornings and 2 afternoons to nursery, she will be start her school nursery in September as she could not get in any early. She is at a really good nursery that she started doing one morning initially from 2 and a half.Hope ds gets better soon

Love to everyone,

Spangle
xxx


----------



## Betty M

Hello everyone - thank you so much for the warm welcome.

So sorry to read about your BFN CJ - its so hard particularly with little ones around who pick up so quickly on your pain however much you try to be jolly and normal.

Tracey W - you sound like you are doing really well with all those follies! I don't think long down reggings are too bad - the cycle I had my DD I down regged for an extra week.  

Scruffyted - Yes I have done very well out of the NHS - my first successful cycle was funded and the drugs for both the next fresh ones and my GP says she is happy to fund more but hopefully I won't need them  .  It is just so unfair that everyone cant get help like that. 

I go for my 9 day scan tomorrow at dawn so fingers crossed I'm doing ok. Have an acupuncture session straight after and then going into work by that time very late. Hopefully EC middle of next week too.

Right - night in front of the telly now after DH cooked supper and put the girl to bed - he is doing penance for a business trip abroad!

Betty x


----------



## Cuthbert

Good luck for your scan, Betty.

Spangle and Scruffyted, my two start school in September. They don't seem old enough to be going but maybe they'll grow up loads in the next 7 months. I could have sent them to the school where I work (we have falling roles so my Head would have loved that) but they'd have to go through my class at some stage so I didn't want to do that. In this area they start school full-time just a few weeks after they start school, which I think that they'll find quite hard. They go to pre-school for 4 mornings and one afternoon a week and love it - they've always been very independent. At the moment DH is at home looking after them while I work and I would think that he'll still do that for at least their first year at school.

Hello to everyone else.

Jules


----------



## suzy

CJ - just wanted to say I'm gutted for you. You must be heartbroken.  to you. 

Tracey - glad you are back from hossie. Hope the op went well.

Thank you so much everyone, for your messages of support - I dont' know that I could have gone through the past six weeks without you all.

Love,

Suzy

Will write again later this weekend.


----------



## Betty M

Hello all

Just a quick update on my scan.Things have gone faster than the last 2 times. I was fully expecting another couple of scans before they said I was ready so it was a bit of a shock yesterday when the doctor said it was definitely going to be Monday or Tuesday. They reckon 8 good follies one side and 6 good ones the other with a couple of little ones.  The doc reckoned about 7/8 eggs probably which would be fantastic - I've had 7 and 8 the last two times. Tuesday of course is the day I really didn't want  as DH has a huge all day meeting which it would be seriously career-limiting if he missed and DD is not at nursery- so thats the day it is. So yesterday pm was spent on the phone getting her a nursery place for the day (luckily they open at 7.30) talking to andrology about whether DH could freeze a sample if necessary then talking to the head of embryology who said she really didnt want him to freeze.  Finally she agreed DH could go and do his sample at 7.30 the embryologists would check it at 8 when they get in and then let him go whilst I go to the nursery, leap in a cab and arrive around 8.15 instead of 7 as they wanted. He will also do the ICSI consent forms just in case they need to convert. It means I am doing EC alone but hopefully it all goes ok. Not sure what I am going to do yet about getting home as DH wont finish till 5 so I may just been reading mags in the clinic all day! Then the hideous wait to see whether the eggs fertilise as last time only 2 out of the 7 did.  I have been feeling much better this cycle though - little bloating, drinking much more, eating more protein etc so fingers crossed that if its possible to do anything about egg quality I have done it. 

Apologies for the totally me post but have to drag DD from in fornt of Cbeebies and go and do something useful with my day!
Have great weekends everyone.
Betty x


----------



## helenab

CJ, sending you lots of love and hugs.  XX

Betty - sounds good!  Fingers crossed for you.

hi to everyone else.  Will do longer post soon but am mid packing boxes etc and feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all - whose idea was this move anyway?!!  

love Helena
XX


----------



## suzy

HI everyone,

CJ - how you travelling. Hope you're coming to some kind of peace with your bfn.

Betty - woohoo for your eggies. Glad to hear you're coping with your cycle, its not easy is it?

Tracy - hope your recovery is going well.

Spangle - hope dd starting school goes smoothly.

TraceyW - great about your follies, good luck for Wednesday. 

Succotash - thanks for your kind words, that have a lot of good advice in them. If I avoid people who are pg, then I'll be avoiding my main support system, so I"ve decided that I'll go to playgroup and to my mothers group, but interact mainly with the older women who arent' pregnant again. 

Sher - good to hear from you again.

Scruffyted - glad your x rays are OK and sorry to hear ds is unwell.

Hun - thank you so much for your kind words and advice. It really is the mental challenge of ivf that's the most challenging isn't it? That word "irrelevant" really helps when it comes to others pregnancies in the face of my crushing disappointments. 

Emma - how are you and the lovely Luke? Any news on your FET?


Hi to everyone else hope I haven't missed anyone.


I went for my second opinion on Friday. Didn't much like the doctor, but it was useful in a way. He wasn't very hopeful for my chances, which he put at 25% not 33% per stimulated cycle as my own dr does. He did say he couldn't tell me to stop though, as I was responding well, fertilizing well and had something to transfer at the end of 5 days. He emphatically said that he wouldn't recommend back to back cycles, as doing that would add more hormones to an already stimulated ovaries.

He also suggested using my one frostie in a FET. My own dr wanted to build up a "bank" of frosties so I had a better chance, but I didn't get any frosties from my last two cycles. And even though my frostie is a day 6 blast, its one produced when I was 37, so it might be the one (unlikely I know). And in the unlikely event that I didn't use it, and were to get pg on a future stimulated cycle, I'd have a real ethical dilemma on my hands with what to do with it - would probably try a FET and risk having three children (I wouldn't really want to do that though as that would be pushing my luck).

I'm still feeling like I'm in a warzone with missiles raining down on my head. Dh and I are looking to buy a house - we've been looking for 4 months. We found our dream home last week and missed out on it by a trivial amount of money which we were so upset about. Of course houses pale into into insignificance when you're talking about your family and another child. 

Thats all for now,

Take care everyone,

Love,

Suzy


----------



## Hun

Hi all

The hun family have been out of action with a really nasty cough/cold the last couple of days   So I am just catching up on everyones news....

Betty and Tracey W - Good luck for EC! Hope all goes well. We are praying for our first BFP of the new year on this thread.

Suzy - Good to hear from you. How do you feel about the FET and the back to back cycling? I know that the first thing you want to do after youve failed is get back on the rollercoaster and try again, and that any waiting around is stressful in itself. But with the way my cycles have panned out, I could not go through the physical side of it all back to back. The break I am having between cycles, is also helpful in emotionally distancing myself from the 'expectation' (which was probably higher than it ever should have been when I embarked on IVF no 2 after being successful in IVF no 1) that I might have another child.  The hope never goes away, but I feel I have greater emotional clarity on the situtaion should that never be my destiny. I hope you can find the right way forward for you soon, but do try and make some time for you to also enjoy DH and Jake and the summer without the pressure of cycling, even if its just for a month or so.
Sending big hugs your way.....

CJ- How are you doing sweetie, do you have a follow up soon?

Helena-  hope the move is going OK. Its so stressful. I have had 14 adresses inthe last 10 years of my life, and we have lived where we do now for nearly 3 years - and its the longest I've lived anywhere since I left home at 18. I often have dreams of a bit more land, a more rural aspect etc, but I banish them with the thought of the hassle of moving and paying more stamp duty!!!! Unless i lose my job, we'll be here until henry goes to university I reckon! Hope the house of your dreams is just around the corner - I can recommend this corner of cambridgeshire - flat but the friendliest place I have lived!!

tracey  - hope you are home and recovering.

Hi to Spangle, Scruffyted, Succotash, Jules, Clare, Sharon et al. Sending love to you all.

Well after reaching CD 42  - AF finally started for me on friday   so got myself together and got my day 2 bloods done (what a saga - another story tho'   ), and so are awaiting the results. I am not sure what good it will really do. I s'pose I have some slightly ridiculous fantasy that they'll say "yes you def have PCOS" - here are some clomid and metformin which will work first cycle and I'll get pg without ever having to do another cycle of horrible uncomfortable overstimulated IVF again!   

More like they'll say - hmm, confusing results. Bloods show no signs of PCOS, come back and have some more IVF after you've first had some nice ovarian drilling to get your response back to a normal level   . I do hope not  .

Anyway, enough speculation. All i know is that my body never stops confusing me with its antics. 4 years of ttc and I am still doubting whether I ovulate naturally!!!  

Love to all
Hun xx


----------



## Bev xxx

Hi everyone

well had my 12 week scan last week and everything was brill.  the only thing is i have had so many due dates its unreal.  My dr said 31/7 as going off my last period,  my clinic said 12/8 but there scan said 7/8 then my scan at my hosp said 4/8 so I think we are sticking with the 7/8 as it is somewhere in the middle.  I have unfortunatly to go back to work in a couple of weeks but the good news is its only for 10 weeks before I am back on maternity.  Its great stuff!!  ha ha.

Anyway as don't seem to have as much time anymore i'm off to catch up!!

Bev
xxxx


----------



## Imogen

Hi, can I join you all

I am day 4 of downregging (synarel) on my 2nd icsi.
I was very very lucky that my first icsi produced my ds, Rupert, now 16 months and just a joy to me. He had very severe reflux from birth to about 14 months (fine now) so I just didn't get on FF at all and it seems a lifetime ago that I posted on here.
I do remember some names tho', especially Hun and CJ - how are you??

I feel quite distant from the tx at the mo' as I only got the go ahead mid last week so have not really got my head round the fact I'm cycling yet.  I've just started getting some strong headaches today from the synarel tho' (my fault I fear, I always seem to sniff twice just to be really sure I got some..) and feeling generally poo (mind you, screaming teething toddler at 3am didn't help me get up this am either...).  It all feels v diff from first time round.

Anyway, best go and see what that crash was in the bedroom...

Speak later.
Good luck to everyone.  
Imogen.x.




ps does anyone know how I can get a tx cycle ticker  
Idiot proof instructions only as I was never any good with them hence Rupert's being well out of date too.


----------



## Hun

Hey imogen!!

Welcome! I hope Roo is OK and wishing you so much luck for your forthcoming cycle....its a good time of year for it after all... 

Hun xx


----------



## Donna42

Hi everone not sure where to post I havnt ben on here for so long our little angel is 2years old and we are just down regulating at the moment for a frozen eggg transfer, we have four fozen the hospital only want to put one back as they seem to think it will work as we got preganant fist attempt at IVF woudering if anyon else has had success from fet after a positive pregancy
Love Donna


----------



## scruffyted

so cross just spent over an hour writing a long post and lost it all!!!  

Will try again later.......F*** bum poop!

Scruffyted xx


----------



## CJ

Hi girls, god I've just noticed that I haven't posted on here since the 2nd, I thought I had posted yesterday..I'm going 

Thank you all so much for your kind words and your love and hugs, AF has turned up today but thats a good thing as it draws a line under that go and we can go back to   the old fashioned way, well it can't hurt to try. Poor old DH is going back on the vits and cold showers on his "mens bits" ( ) and he only owns tight jeans, so it's loose joggers or short from now on 

You have all be so kind and supportive on this TX go and since our negative and it means a lot so thanks 

Hi Scruffyted, thanks for you pm, I was going to send one back last night but DH insisted we watch Miss Marple together , I couldn't get to sleep after that I had to watch a DVD in bed...I'm such a big baby, it was spooky... Sorry about your post I hate it when that happen, it does it to me when I do a spell check 
Sending you lots of  Hun.

Hi Donna, just wanted to wish you luck with your FET, I got a neg on my fresh go but got twin boys from my FET with embies from the same batch, I would have more than one put back if you can because FET hasn't got such a good success rate (although I'm a big fan as it gave us the boys), but you want to give yourself the best chance.
I have read about people on here having got PG on their first go but the next few times they have got negatives 

Hi Imogen great to hear from you, wow good luck with this ICSI, we could definitely do with some positives on here  I felt cr*ppy on my drugs this time too, poor DH  got the brunt of it. Hope Rupert's teething calms down, my two can be a nightmare when they get them through, thankfully they seem to get 2 teeth each through at the same time so that cuts down on the sleepless night 
If you click on the Rupert's old birthday ticker at the bottom, that will take you to a site when you can make a new one , then cut and paste it on to your profile....is that any help?

Hi Suzy sorry this new Dr couldn't be more helpful and wasn't very positive. I think I would be worried about doing FET with one embie, I know I only had 2 but then we thought we might at least get one, and it's such a lot of money and stress.
I know the whole IVF thing is but I was more worried this time as we didn't know if we would have anything to put back.
I can understand it being a good idea to let your ovaries have a rest  but I know you said last time you wanted to go again asap. What does your Dr say?

Hi Bev great news about your scan 

Hi Hun, sorry that AF turned up so late and got your hopes up, mine does that. I don't think Dr's are much cop when it comes to blood test and ovulation, I had mine done and for 3 months I had very low progesterone showing I hadn't ovulated and then she said we'll do one more and I happened to ovulate so she said I couldn't have clomid , I was gutted, especially with DH's prob (sperm don't move) she said if I took clomid on that one month my body did work then we could end up with multiples  I've never heard anything so funny. 
Well I hope the results bring you the news that you want, sometimes it seems better for them to find something and then give you some meds to help, rather than find nothing and for things to plod on like before (hope that makes sense, and not like I hope they find something )
I called my clinic this am and they are sending me a review date, not sure if it's a waste of time thought as we can't go again yet any way, although I would if we could get the money, always the way thought isn't it 

Hi TraceyW, great number of follies, good luck with EC hope you get lots of lovely eggies 

Hi Betty,  hope everything is going well with your TX, not sure if you were having EC today or tomorrow but best of luck and hope you get lots of eggies too 

Hi Helen, were moving soon so no horror stories please  hope things are going well 

Hi Spangle,  thanks for your lovely words, I did have a drink or two and a good cry but feeling fine again now, disappointed but hopefully we'll go again soon..ish.
How are you?

Either I'm a slow typer or time is getting fast, this has taken me ages , right better go
A big  to all I have missed, hope your well.

Oh Tracey  hope your op went o.k and your recovering well 

Love CJ x


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

me again-right will try again....

CJ- Hi you hun-how you doing sweetheart?  Sorry AF has turned up, I know you said you can go back to au natural and draw a line etc, it just is so hard as until it arrives you think (well i do ) they've got it wrong!! We watched Miss Marple too! I love a good mystrey, I guessed it was him!! i love it when I'm right  , didn't see the twist of being same woman though! I can't watch horrors though, now that would keep me awake, glad dh isn't that bothered by them either thank goodness.  When is your review appointment?

Spangle-Yes DS does start school in September   , I so don't want him too and I really don't think he is ready for it! Up until a few years ago our local schools had 3 intakes a year, January, Easter and September, depending when they were 5 as to when they started, I guess ds would have started Easter next year, just before his 5th birthday. Anyway for some reason they changed it all to just one intake in september    ds will only be 4 and 2months!!! If he started in January (07) like your dd he would be 4 and a half and i think more able to cope with it all, however Easter would have been even better! However I understand that by law you can referr them until the term after their 5th birthday (being sept 07 for ds) as they don't have to start legally until they are 5.  I don't know, i have spent many sleepness nights worrying about it.  Should i referr him or not?? The trouble with that is everyone else would already know each other etc-DH is against referring him saying he would miss a year but i don't think so as he will be learning what he does now at Nursery just for a few hours more-sorry thinking aloud so to speak  
Be nice for you to see your dd when she starts your school that you supply at. 

Jules-Bet you are looking forward to next week being half term and also your appointment, when do you think you will start treatment? I agree not sending your two to your school, we had them same problem with ds and nursery as my mum owns a nursery school! But we thought it best to not send him to her one as she is nanny and think it would confuse him that she is his teacher as well! Probably wouldn't like her playing etc with all the other children and why is nanny telling him off etc    When ds starts school in sept he will go full time after a couple of weeks which i know he will find hard as he comes in from nursery worn out. Although i believe that they don't have to go full time until they are 5 and you can pick them up before lunch (like nursery) but not many people know you can do this.  We are thinking about doing this even if just for a term.

Betty-have you had E/C? or is it tomorrow? typical it would be the day you least wanted, always the way!! what a carry on for you re your dh etc! hope it all goes well and you get lots of good eggs.  

Tracey-glad you are home safe and sound. Hope you are taking it easy and you are on the mend. Bet Max is pleased to have his mummy home.

Helena-happy packing!!  have only done it twice, 1st moving from my parents to my flat, 2nd from my flat into house with dh which was 10 years ago now.  I'd love to move.  Don't envy you with going through treatment at same time though, you are brave!

Suzy-how are you sweetheart. Why did the new clinic give you a lower success rate as you respond really well and get good embryos?? our clinic won't let you cycle back to back they like a 3month gap but it is personal choice.  re FET, i can understand what CJ has said what with only having one and defrosting etc but FET does work-it did for me and CJ. Hard decision to make. Will you go to the new clinic or stay where you are?  sorry you missed out on your dream home-but maybe it wasn't the right one and another one will be round the corner even better, or maybe it's not the right time to move.  I know it's hard and easy for me to say (as i never take notice when people say it to me) things happen for a reason and that isn't meant to be your home.

Hun-oh what a shame, really was hoping for a miracle for you, but even so 42 days is a long cycle for you isn't it?? I hope your blood test show something and nothing, if you know what i mean   in a way it must be frustrating being "unexplained" but at the same time i do hope it's not PCOS. If it shows you haven't why would they suggest drilling, sorry must have missed a post or something. When do you get your results back?

Bev-glad your 12wk scan went well. How confusing re your due date?! We went on the date our clinic gave us as they knew my last period etc, my midwife said the same date but my scan sai 3 days later.  Anyhow ds was 2 days early-wonderful.

Donna-hi and welcome to this thread. Good luck for your FET, hope you aren't getting to many side affects from d/r. My ds is from FET but didn't have a positive before that.  I think Bev had a pos with her first IVF and is pregnant again following FET with the same batch.

Imogen-hi also welcome to this thread-your ds looks gorgeous. Good luck with this cycle, hope you get lots of eggies. sorry you are feeling bad on the d/r drugs. 

Succotash-how you doing? Have you any idea when you will try again? I bet your DH is glad 31st of Jan is over what with him being an Accountant and those pesky Tax Returns!!

Emma- have you am idea when you will start FET or have you decided to have a fresh go?

Hi to anyone I've forgotten, I'm sorry if i have but i am so tired now and so worried i will loose this post as well! hence no capitals etc-sorry!

Hope every one had a nice weekend, didn't log on all weekend (not like me!!) as ds only just getting better, If i go down with it, i think I will loose it, don't want to be ill again!!!!  

love scruffyted xxxx


----------



## suzy

HI everyone,

Just a quickie from me. Went to see my usual doctor today. He said my eggs were making embies that were of average quality for my age. After four stimulated cycles, your chances of success start dramatically dropping to single figures he said. Up until then, my chances are the same for each cycle. So I guess I've got two more left 

I've decided to go for a natural FET this cycle. I only have one remaining embryo, and don't seem to be having any frosties from my stimulated cycles, so it makes sense to me to use it. If it doesn't make it to thaw now, it wouldn't any time. I've always had a problem with discarding embies, so I would use it anyway, even if I had another baby on my stimulated cycles, but I don't really want three children (mainly because I think I'd be pushing my luck for that third baby to be OK). So it just seems logical to use it now. I'll be a MESS though when it comes to thawing 

Anyway, I'm sick of doctors appointments now, have to go to work tomorrow and have a cold.

Suzy


----------



## scruffyted

Hi girls

G## or whoever moves in b###dy horrible ways.....

My sister had her 12wk scan today and my AF has arrived, how is that for timing!!!    I'm pleased for my sister but why why why can't it be me??  
Why am I so stupid to think that a natural miracle is going to happen for us...every month i think the same, well i guess it makes waiting for tx a little quicker!! 
I want to be going to my wonderful 12wk scan... 

Sorry to sound selfish...oh well at least i can phone clinic tomorrow and start the ball rolling for tx...

Love scruffyted xxxx


----------



## Betty M

Hello all

Scruffyted - I feel for you.  It is the hardest isn't it - you are happy for them but still each happy event for someone else makes it that much harder to remain positive - at least thats how I feel.  

Tracey - hope the convalescence goes smoothly - does your DS let you rest with your feet up?!

Suzy - I always wonder how they come up with stats like that - do they take into account that you have had a success already as i had always been told that once you had a success the stats are better than the average even if you are older. I know what you mean about wanting to use all the embies.  With my FET we only had 3 so we defrosted all of them and only two made it - I'm not sure what I would have done if all 3 had survived. 

CJ - so sorry it wasn't a success this time round. 

Donna - my FET after I had my DD was a success up to a point - I miscarried at 7.5 weeks - but it shows embies can come out of the freezer and implant.

Imogen - I'm very new here but hello from me too.

Bev - congrats on your 12 week scan.

Hello to everyone else as well.

Now for me - Well - things didn't go great today.  The 10 other follies hadn't caught up with the 4 that were ready on Friday so we only got 4 useable eggs plus 1 unusable one rather than the 7/8 the doc was hoping for. Although the nurse said this morning she thought 4 was the likely no looking at my scan sheet so I was kinda prepared - but only kinda. They say average is 6 but that sounds low to me. Naturally I am very sad   - last 2 cycles I had 7 & 8 eggs so this is seriously down.  My main worry is that nothing at all will fertilise  - we only got 2/7 fertilised last time down from 5/8 the time we had my DD. I know it only takes one but I am now doubting we will even get there. I have given DH my phone as I cant bear the thought of a call tomorrow. I have no idea how "good" the eggs are - presumably not terrible as otherwise I hope they would have said so I hope we will get at least 1 we can put back. DH not being there till 5 to pick me up was also hard the nurses didn't seem to mind me snivelling away quietly and were v. sympathetic. At least I got a big hug from DD when we went to pick her up at nursery.  I know how blessed we are to have had her but I still feel like someone has kicked me in the guts today. I'll let you know what happens - sorry for the very me post but I'm going to have a big glass of wine and a good cry now. 

Thank you all for being there - it makes all the difference.
Betty xx


----------



## Hun

Hi All

Betty - sorry to hear things didn't go as well as you hoped. I have typed this a hundred times or at least to various people in the past, but "it only takes one". And I am a case in point - 21 eggs at the last cycle and not a baby in the whole batch! It really is about quality, so sit back- whats done is done, and let things take their course. You have done all you can do. And enjoy a nice glass of wine!
Easier said than done I know. Sending hugs your way.

Scruffyted - i lost a massive post the other day, was  !!!!
Sorry youve not had such a good day today, let me know how it goes speaking to BH tommorow?

Tracey - good to see you posting again. Hope youre feeling better soon.

Tracey W - How did you get on at EC. Wishing you luck!

Suzy - the FET sounds like a great idea. Gives your body a break from all those drugs too which can only be a good thing. I agree that 'saving' your frostie does seem a bit pointless - and you have a good chance of it surviving, though it will be a nail biting time. I am sure Sue L would vouch for your choice - her beautiful Chloe was the result of a single frozen blast.

I am getting over the lurgy but have a horrible cough  Henry gets all upset and starts crying every time I have to cough. I was in the office today, and was still not feeling great - I managed to forget a conference call to the US that I had arranged last week - my colleagues had got up early to be in the office at 7.30am for the call, and I was swanning around sainsburys buying lemsips and kleenex at the time, oh dear  

DH and DS have decided to try coming with me on my next business trip away, so we are off to Prague the w/e after next in a nice 5 star hotel - then I will stay on until the weds, whilst they come back to the UK. DH has never taken henry on a flight on his own yet and I think hes a bit scared about the journey back....I am sure he'll be fine! And at least I won't have to go without seeing them - cos they'll be right there with me!!! Can't wait   Never been so excited about a business trip before.

love to all
Hun xxx


----------



## suzy

HI everyone,

Aww, Hun that's great about Prague - how exciting to go and stay in a posh hotel with your family. Hope its really romantic as they say Prague is. Hope your bug is gone by then. We took ds on a flight to Fiji when he was 6 months and he was fine. They are a bit older now though - is your Henry walking? Still I'm sure its only a relatively short flight so it shouldnt' be too bad.

Betty - poor you, on your own in the hospital and feeling so alone. I know what you mean about waiting for that call. Its the most god awful feeling and everytime they call and ask me how I am I say I am waiting for your call!! Still the more I do IVF, the more I think that success is relatively independant of the numbers of eggs/embryos at each cycle, but its the quality that matters. So I guess you'll get the results today - fingers crossed 

Oooo Scruffyted - how many times have I said similar things about g.. ! I like you hold out some hope every month that I'll fall pregnant. I have two patients who have both fallen pregnant twice after failing at IVF and both are about to have their second child. The thing is, that its worked before for us and I almost feel that I have to keep doing what has worked before.

Tracey - glad to hear you are getting better.

Hi to everyone else.

WEll, I've decided to have one natural cycle and then have a natural FET and then a stimulated cycle straight after. Basically because I have been having some bleeding after my period finishes,  which stops after ovulation, and my dr wants me to have a hysterosonogram to make sure my uterus lining is OK and they can't fit me in for a few weeks.

I've also had to restart my anti-depressant treatment, which is a bummer . The reason was because I couldn't sleep - I didn't think I was depressed (though a LOT of bad luck has come our way lately, from a dead dog, to two failed cycles, tooth abcess, thrush etc). Anyway, since I've restarted them, I actually feel a lot better and am not obsessing about not being pregnant any more. Could be the hormones being out of my system too, but at least I'm sleeping well.


Bye for now, have two hungry boys to feed (and one hungry dog - its spag bol tonight, which apparently is Australia's favourite dish)

Suzy


----------



## Betty M

Just a quickie as I have come to work to keep my mind off things and sneaking on to post in open plan is quite tricky - luckily I sent my trainee off to Court all day so he is not sitting directly behind me!  

News here is that 2 out of the 4 eggs fertilised which was about all I could realistically have hoped for.  DH did all the talking to the embryologist as I can't bear to do it myself. One embie the embryologist is pretty confident will be available for transfer the other isn't doing much at all - although how they can tell when they are still one cell I don't know - so is not likely to go further although miracles can happen.  He said we should definitely go in tomorrow for the transfer of the goodie but as I can't bear the thought of getting there and being told to go away again he will call again at 8.30 am just to confirm. So fingers crossed for lots of splitting overnight and a happy embie wanting to get settled in. 

Thanks for all your positive vibes.
Betty x


----------



## Hun

Betty

Sending masses of growing and dividing vibes your embies way......  
Good luck sweetie  

Hun xx


----------



## scruffyted

Hi

Just a quickie from me as off out to a chocolate party!! -yum yum 

Betty-sending lots of positive growing vibes for your two embies, you can never tell the other one may just catch up    hope E/T goes well tomorrow.

Hun-Well rang BH and have decided to go up there tomorrow to have my FSH/LH bloods repeated there as my GP said they wouldn't do them again as they think 9 is good!! I Hope while we are there to get my questions answered and then decide what protocol /dates etc to do. I've just got a horrible feeling they will say will have to wait till next month to start. Will let you know how it goes.

Hi to everyone else-off to stuff myself silly with chocolate!!!

Love scruffyted xxxx


----------



## Hun

Scruffyted
Maybe see you there   - I'll be in just before 9 for bloods - wearing brown grey suit, and pink jumper.....
Hun xxx


----------



## Tracy W

Hi all

Betty - Keeping everything crossed for your embies.  Hope everything goes ok.

Currently sitting on my sofa nursing a sore tummy from which they took 12 eggies today.  Will get a phone call tommorrow to see how they are doing.

dd spent last night at my sister & brother in law's and today with my parents.  When my mum brought her home this evening she bought me some flowers (purple tulip's her favourite colour) and gave me a big hug.  Sort of stopped feeling grotty then.

Tracy


----------



## Betty M

Hello all

Tracey - hope the tummy is better and that your phone call brought excellent news for you.

Scruffyted - hope the blood trip was successful and that they answered all your questions and you can start when you want. Sometimes I think clinics forget that it is your body not theirs!

Suzy - its good to come to a decision on next steps isn't it and it sounds like you have a sensible plan. I've not heard of a hysterosonogram - is it like an hsg but with ultrasound? And does your dog really eat spag bol too  LOL - my cats wont touch "real" food - its processed or nothing for them.

Hun - Prague will be lovely - but cold at this time of year - take a good hat. I pretty much gave up business travel when I changed jobs a few years ago and can't say I have missed it - 3 weeks in Kuwait anyone?. DH's last trips have been to Germany and I can't say I was tempted by Berlin in January....The flight back will be fine I'm sure - men alone with a baby get 5 star treatment - when DH took my DD to nursery on the bus he always got a seat, the buses always stopped with the door right in front of him etc etc. It will be a breeze.

Hello everyone else too.

Quick update on me. After talking to DH twice yesterday, the embryologist called at 8.30 this morning and said that as he thought one embryo was a goodie and had divided into 2 cells overnight and but nothing had happened to the other so there was only 1 to transfer. So went to clinic at 10 and had the chat with the doc about putting it back including the bit about the dangers of twins which seemed a little pointless. Got upstairs and then the lovely embryologist asked to see us. I had momentary heart failure thinking something had happened to the goodie and it was bad news (particularly as 2 of the 5 couples at EC sadly didn't make it to ET) but amazingly the duffer was starting to do things so he said if we wanted it could go back too! I can hardly believe it. And the 2 cell was 4 cells by the time it went in so after feeling really down in the dumps I am feeling happy to have 2 little ones (0.15mm each apparently) hopefully getting ready to do their thing. All your vibes clearly did their stuff. Thank you all so much!

So now onto the ghastly wait. Betty xx


----------



## CJ

HI all,

Oh Betty what great news that that slow one started to make some cells, and your 4 cell sounds spot on,  whens test day? hoping the best for you..maybe that "twins chat" wasn't pointless after all  That did make me smile "the dangers of twins" chat, I have twins and the embryologist is right our twins are dangerous 
(  sorry I know, I'm not a funny person at all )

Well done Tracy, wow great amount of eggs, hope the phone call  was great news, let us know. Good luck with ET

Hi Scruffted, Mmmm a party made of chocolate, that sounds lovely  
How does a choccy party work, like tub-a-ware ones? I'd love to go to one of those.
How did bloods go today, Did you get your questions answered? Hope so Hun 
So your hoping to start TX asap, ooh how exciting!!, I hope they don't make you wait too long.
Have sent you a PM Sweetie 

Hi Suzy  sorry to read you've had to go back on your anti-depressant treatment, but you have had so much to deal with hunny, it sounds like you are feeling happier and now your sleeping better that will help too. 
Also deciding on your plan of action for TX must be a load off your mind as you can have a rest for this month and then you can get going again. I have everything crossed for you that it will work and you will get your miracle soon 

Hi Hun, that will be lovely to have your two men with you in Prague , I'm sure your DH and DS will have a great time being out there with you, hope your feeling better with your cough 

Hi to everyone else , hope your all well 

Well we are hopefully moving on the 3rd of March now, fingers-crossed, you know what moving can be like though  At least it will give us something to concentrated on for a bit while we get ourselves sorted in the new house, then we can look at the money situation and if/when we can have more tx.

Love CJ xx


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Betty-oh what great news, i am sooo pleased for you, so glad that your second embie came good!! Like CJ said could turn out to be twins!!!   hope the 2ww isn't too bad!! 

TracyW-great number of eggs-how was the phone call (I hate waiting for that phone call, I'm normally sick!) hope you get lots of good embies, are you taking them to blast?

CJ-You do make me laugh-party made of chocolate   , it is like a "tupper-ware" party (glad I'm not the only one who used to go to them   ) it was really good, it was very reasonably priced and lots of different bits not seen in any shops-so got quite a bit for ds egg hunt!! I had to taste quite a bit too     mmmm yummy!
Had my bloods done today but their machine broke   so have to wait until tomorrow for the results!  I did get some of my questions answered, they were very good and answered what they could the rest they said they would answer during the cycle (I'm very worried as I seem to develop a polyp when I stimm and it all could be cancelled  ) but no-one can tell how it will be next time so will have to see.
Thank-you for your pm will have a read once I've posted this  
Not long till you move, how exciting! That's the day after my birthday so a very good week to move   
Really hope your new home will bring you lots of luck!! 

Suzy- I really think the FET is a good idea, of course i am in favour of FET!! What is a Hysterosonogram? Is it when the have a look in your womb with a camera? So when do you think FET will be roughly, March time?
Really sorry to hear you are back on your anti-depressants but good for you to think whats best for you and go back on them.  When you don't sleep everything seems harder so hopefully you can come off them again soon and you have had a huge amount of stress just lately!! Hopefully things are on the way up for you know.  

Hun-I looked out for you today but you were probably long gone as i didn't get there until 11.30 as if poss i try and get a late morning appointment as i have to travel on the M25 and them M11 and in rush hour it is sooo busy and takes twice as long to get there! I wore my orange fertility band in case you were there. Would have loved to have met you-maybe next time.
As i said to CJ they did answer some of my questions they were really very good and they took my bloods but have got to wait for the results! Why did you have to go in for bloods today? Did your one's last week not show anything?
How lovely to have your two special men in Prague with you, i bet it is the first time you have looked forward to a business trip!! I've always fancied Prague as it's meant to be lovely, will you get a chance to have a look around? Will be a belated Valentines weekend, you never now it could be a magical place for you    well if Henry's not in your bed    I'm sure Henry will be fine on the flight home with daddy.

Well depending on my blood results tomorrow IF they are ok we will be starting tx!!! Can't believe it yet as I am now convinced my FSH will be even higher   don't know why just a feeling.  Anyway if it is all ok I will start d/r on the 28th Feb just before my birthday-how nice! So in a way we are back on this damn roller-coaster!! I have to say when we got there and we were discussing the drugs etc it all came back to me the dread, the worry the stress, the heartache etc-yuk! I think when we did FET back in August as it was a natural cycle and I stupidly thought it would work i didn't feel like this at all. In fact when we got back I was sick! When my mum bought ds back home (she was good she did have him for me as such a long drive for him he would have been bored) she first told me all about my sister's scan and how clear the picture was THEN asked how I got on!  she then wondered why i started crying!! She has no idea at all, I tried to explain the side effects of the drugs, the rollercoaster, the what ifs, the heartache, the stress etc but she just said "well you have to be more positive other wise it won't work will it" !!! Grrrrrr

oh well she will never get it as she is a very positive person and cannot understand after all we have been through before to get our ds why would we not think it would work!

sorry rant over-off now to do my ironing!

Hello to everyone else

Love Scruffyted xxxx

p.s Just thought, they said i would be d/regging for nearly 3weeks! ekkk have only done for two weeks before has anyone else had to do for longer? Hun I've got a vague recollection of you d/regging for a while, will it do any harm?? especially as sadly you had a neg-was this anything to do with it do you think? i know it's to bring me in line with others on their busy week but a little worried.


----------



## spangle

^wave ;

Just been catching upon all your news. Wow it is busy on here.  

Me bit- Had a busy week- saw consultant on Monday and then support group meeting Tuesday night. last night dh and I were working on support group website !! Sounds good -truth is dh is in the know and I just gave verbal support  Consultant was lovely. He has suggested owing to af taking so long to arrive to do a different protocol- the icsi queen having a different protocol imagine   He also did a scan and said everything is ok. Has opted for me taking pill from Saturday so that my period is regulated. I am cycling again   He also has suggested transfering 3 embryos owing to my history.

Scruffyted- great news about next treatment. so sorry about your mum. It is so hard because nobody really understands our heartache until they have experienced it themselves. I am trying really hard to cope with family over this without feeling resentful and bitter. It is a challenging task I have set myself. It is quite raw seeing my sister but feel like I have to shut down my pain. 
I cant believe your ds starts nursery in September-my dd was born June 2002 and in Shropshire it is January she starts next year.


Betty- all the best on your 2ww.Everything crossed for you. I bet all sorts ran through your head when the embryologist asked to see you.

TracyW-Everything crossed for you.

Hun-Hope the business trip goes well, what an adventure for the three of you.

Suzy-all the best with your treatment plans.

CJ- Good luck with the move it will be upon you so quickly.

Jules-Way hey- 1 day to go till half term !! I am working tomorrow and am so looking forward to having no work for a week. We will be supporting each other when our children start school ! DD has just gone down with a cold/flu and thankfully I have not been at work today. I rang nursery to let them know and thought ah she is only just over 3 and a half. Bless she had a sleep this afternoon as she was poorly. So wish we could have another snuggly up day together tomorrow. I t must be great having dh look after your boys.

Hello to everyone else,

Love
Spangle


----------



## Dopey-Dinah

Hi! Do you mind if I join you all?

I booked my seat on the rollercoaster again today.  Had Prostap injection a fortnight ago and bingo - AF arrived right on schedule so bloods and scan on Tuesday 14th and start on Estradiol tablets the next day all being well.  I'm a basket case already  .

I'm having my treatment in Glasgow where I had my successful cycle (we have a 7 month old baby boy called Struan).  We have 6 frosties but unfortunately, they will all be thawed at once - hospital policy, so fingers crossed at least one survives the process.    jklahturthwjrkljfhth5.  Oops, typing with fingers crossed doesn't work  

Debbie


----------



## Tracy W

Just a quickie.  Off for ET in 1/2 hour.

Had call from embryologist yesterday to say 6 have fertilized.  Will find out today how they are doing. 

Will post later.

Tracy xxx


----------



## CJ

Hi Tracy great news, 6 is a lovely amount, hope ET has gone well, are your carring on as normal in your 2ww? Hope you have 2 lovely little embies on board and they are getting cozy 

Hi Scruffyted, I d/r for 3 wks and 2 days, I did it on all my goes, I think it was to fit in with the clinic but it didn't do me any harm and I got my positive with the boys so didn't effect the out come of that one. Oh I'm so excited for you, hope this is the one Hunny 
Yes I remember tupper-ware parties  , your choccy one sounds much better, although since becoming a Mum little plastic box have become very exciting too 

There seems to be a few of you guys cycling together so lets hope we get a baby boom in 2006 

Hi Spangle great news your cycling again too  wishing you lots of luck, and great news you can transfer 3! One or two of them are sure to snuggle in when the time comes 

 Debbie another cycler , good luck to you too, hope bloods and scan go well on the 14th, hope your doing something else in the evening as having bloods and scan isn't very romantic for you  

Hi to everyone , hope your all having a good Friday 

Love CJ x


----------



## Succotash

Oh my goodness, things are cranking up a gear here.  Don't know where to start really.

Tracey W - wow, transfer already.  Good luck sweetie, I'll have everything crossed for you.    

Debbie - hi and welcome.  Not long till your transfer now.  Will your clinic take your embies to blastocyst stage if they are thawing all 6?  Curious to know why they will thaw all 6 - clinic policy does seem to vary enormously.  You should get at least 2 good ones out of your batch.      (PS I am Scottish). 

Spangle - great to hear that you're going to be cycling soon.  I'm a big advocate of transferring 3 embies, especially if they are 3d ones - DS is a result of 3 (before the rules changed) and my last pg was a result of 3 too.  So I'm stupidly superstitious about transferring 3.      I do think it increases the chance of conception especially if MF is a big issue - the male dna doesn't kick in until after 3d embies are transferred.  Our consultant says this is why he would never transfer 3 blasts for me, even if we had them.  Will be cheering on your progress.  Sorry your DD is poorly.  I love the snuggly up thing.  DS and I have a snuggle up every morning on the sofa to watch Fireman Sam at 8.40.

Scruffyted - oooh, yum-yum, a chocolate party.  I didn't know such a thing existed and it sounds fabulous.  Darling DS has only recently been able to eat chocolate because of his milk intolerance.  He just adores it.  I used to buy him dairy free stuff from the health food shop which he really liked but now he's tasted Cadbury's it doesn't have the same appeal.  I'm looking forward to doing an Easter Egg hunt for him this year.  I'll be cheering on your treatment progress too.  That's come round quickly hasn't it.  I really relate to what you say that the thought of tx raises all those anxieties.  I think we're all the same.  The acupuncture may help that as it really gave me a sense of (some) control and participation in my treatment.  Fingers crossed for your blood results today.    


Betty - terrific to hear that your second embie had a bit of a spurt.  Great, great news.      How do you handle the 2ww - are you a continue-as-normal person or a rest-up person?  I'm the former just because that's what I did on my first cycle and I hadn't come across this site and all the suggestions of what to eat/not eat/do/not do/drink/not drink ..... I'd find it sooooo stressful to follow that regime and I must admit I do find some of the suggestions totally barking-mad ..... then again if it helps to feel a sense of control ...    Everything's crossed. 

Hun - wow what a terrific idea to take your DH and DS with you on your trip.  I'd love to visit Prague and I'm sure you'll have the best time.  I agree with everyone else - your DH will be fine on the plane.  If my DH ever goes anywhere with DS, he always seems to get special treatment ...grrr!  Hope your bloods give you some answers too.  

Suzy - great to hear that you have a plan and at least you will have a little break.  I found the natural FET procedure a real doddle, it really was relatively stress free.  I do relate to the anxiety about thaw survival, it is a bit nerve-wracking.  

CJ - good luck with the preparations for your move.  I totally loathe moving and prior to meeting DH had been in the same flat for a blissful 10 years.  Since we married I have lived in 6 different addresses in 5 years, 3 of which were overseas.  My DH would move to the other side of the world at the drop of a hat.  I have to work really hard to curb his moving-enthusiasm.

Hi to Bev, Imogen, Donna, Jules, Helena, Tracey72 and anyone else I have inadvertently missed.

I am now in week 4 of The Amazing Mutating Cold.  I've been really quite down about it as it has been nigh on impossible to shift and I feel I have been feeling lousy now for months.  I'm really hoping that I'm coming to the end of it.  Anyone got any sure-fire remedies for avoiding colds?  Before DS I hadn't had one for years.  I'm due to start drugs for my medicated FET in a couple of weeks time , assuming hycosy is clear and I don't want any infections to interfere with tx.  Last year I was similarly afflicted and I'm sure it meant my first fresh and then FET cycle were a waste of time.  I'm thinking that all I can do is start tx and then if I do end up with an infection of some kind put the transfer on hold till another time.  Roll-on spring!

I'm off to start prep on my bathroom makeover .... will be bleaching the grout on the tiles with an old toothbrush (how did my life turn out like this?!)

Love, Succotash


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Sorry a me post as a little worried.....

Have got my blood results back and they are still high   in fact they have gone up slightly! My FSH is 9.83 and my LH is 6.54  I really thought they may have been high due to the fact I was so poorly for months then all the antibiotics but no.  The nurse I spoke to was very unhelpful which is not like my clinic at all  
I am now wondering shall i cancel this month and try in next period?? I just don't know what to do, I asked the clinic what the implications of my hormones being high and she said well it's not 10 is it!!! I know but it is nearly   Do you girls think it could effect the outcome? Does it mean my eggs are of poor quality?
Feeling quite sad when yesterday i actually dared to dream! How stupid  

Love scruffyted xx

Sorry no personal I will post them later when not so sad. x


----------



## Tracy W

Hi all,

Betty - Great to hear about your embies.  Fingers crossed.  I hate the 2ww, do you?

Debbie - Welcome.

Scruffyted - Unfortunately I don't understand the blood test results so I can't help you, but I'm sure the decision you make will be the right one.

Succotash - I always take 3 redoxen tablets at the start of a cold and 3 if I can't shake it.  Our whole family(Parents, BIL & Nephew inc - sis seemed to escape) went down with an absolute stinker 2 weeks ago, and it effected us all differently.  I hope yours doesn't last too much longer.

As for me we just completed ET which they transfered 2 grade 1 4 cells back and froze 4 grade 1 4 cells.  Feeling really lucky at the mo.  
In answer to how I spend my 2ww, I do am dram and when I fell for dd I did a rehearsal on the night of transfer and a show the following week.  For some of my FET I sat around a did nothing (as much as I could with dd) and for others I carried on as usual.  I think I shall rest up tonight and get back to normal tommorrow.

Love to all

Tracy xx


----------



## Succotash

Tracey W - wow, great news on your transfer and 4 to freeze.     Interesting about your 2ww with your DD.  I have read that you could bungee jump and it won't make any difference, not that I'd fancy bungee jumping at the best of times!   

Scruffyted - oh how disappointing for you and your nurse sounds like a right cow.  I'm not an expert on FSH and stuff and maybe it's worth posting a question.  My understanding is that it is a measure, just a measure, of ovarian reserve.  And that it can fluctuate.  And that if it is greater than 12 it means that there may be some difficulty stimulating the ovaries.  So it may mean that fewer eggs are retrieved, not sure if it means quality is affected thought.  Not every clinic have a cut off of 10 and the Lister in particular are really relaxed about FSH and don't set much store by it.  I remember reading on this site that the Lister can analyse their stats anywhich way by every parameter.  When they analyse the outcome of tx based on FSH levels then a woman <35 still has a really high chance.  So 2 women with FSH of 14 and one is 34 and one is 40, then the 34 year old is much better off.
      Don't really know if you are better off going ahead or waiting.  Can you get hold of a Consultant and ask him given the uselessness of the nurse?  What about starting and if you're not responding you can cancel?  Or a different protocol, the short/flare one?  Don't really know, just ramblings, wish I could help more.  Hope you feel better.

Love, Succotash


----------



## Betty M

Hello ladies

Tracy - Congratulations on getting 2 great embies on board! I agree with you that generally being as normal is best for the dreaded 2ww although I have taken advantage of DD being at nursery to lounge around for the last day and a half - doubt DH will let me get away with more!

Scruffyted - I'm no expert on high FSH really but yours is under 10 so not even the strictest clinics would not let you cycle. All the stuff I have looked up on the internet talks about much higher levels that yours being the ones where success is compromised - I read this post on another board which had some useful info on levels - as you will see you come out as fair :-http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,40041.msg490790.html#msg490790
I don't think it means lower quality eggs - it sometimes indicates fewer eggs. Why don't you talk to a doctor at the clinic - I always think with these things they are the experts - Hey they train for about 12 years before they get to be consultants so ought to know their stuff. Also I've always down regged for 3 weeks including with my DD - lots of people do.

Succotash - I feel for you with that cold I have had a similar one since about November - its almost totally better then reappears in a different guise. Grrr. The only answer is avoiding anyone under 5 - bit hard that though! What I don't understand is why my DH and DD never get any of these viruses only me. Good luck with your bathroom I've been showering with grotty grout for years now - wish i could work myself up to doing it.

Debbie -  - I'm very new here myself but everyone has been really welcoming. That hospital policy sounds very unfair given that presumably they will only put 2 back. Is their defrosting success rate not very good?

Spangle - congrats on cycling again. Pleased about half term with a little one- that means you must be a teacher! For me it just means everything I normally do with DD on my days off gets cancelled - swimming, music etc - Actually are you supposed to swim when in the 2 ww?

Hey there CJ, Hun, Suzy, Tracey and everyone else.

I wont get away with any more lounging once DD is home for the weekend so lets hope those embies are snuggled well in. Have good weekends everyone.
Betty xx


----------



## Betty M

Scruffyted - ditto what Succotash said -and hopefully this link will work
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,40041.msg490790.html#msg490790
Betty


----------



## suzy

scruffyted,

I'd ignore it and do another cycle if that's what you want. I haven't had my fsh checked since before my cycle with ds = my dr said it wasn't worth it as we know I can get pregnant, and even if it went up, it wouldn't chance the plan.  I can't understand either how ovarian reserve can be variable and how a blood test can reflect that - your talking about such small fluctuations in fsh and our bodies hormones fluctuate slightly normally anyway.

Love,

SUzy


----------



## spangle

hello  

Scruffyted- so sorry your dreams have come crashing down. I can't believe the nurse was so unhelpful.All I know about levels is that my mate takes wheatgrass to help lower hers. MM I am really helpful-NOT. I would check out the advice given and perhaps do a google search. Please try not to worry. Perhaps you could ring clinic and express your concerns ? Sending you hugs.

Debbie- All the best, a good start to your cycle with af arriving on schedule .

Betty- Hope the 2ww flies by for you. Let's hope this thread becomes a baby boom thread ! Yes, I am a supply teacher. Know what you mean about everything stopping during school holidays. You know some clinics advise not to take a bath for first few days after transfer, I always try to think apart from avoiding infection after all th poking and prodding we have had if we had  not undergone treatment and it was natural women don't generally know there's a chance they might be pregnant. Nevertheless I think we heve to feel we have done everything we can to help increase our chances

Succotash- So sorry to hear about your miserable cold. Good luck with the bathroom. Your post has given me hope about transfering 3. It will be my first transfer of 3. Sorry couldn't understand why your consultant would not transfer 3 blasts-Is it because success rate is increased too much ?

Tracey w- Goodluck on the 2ww. So hope your dreams come true.

Have a fab weekend everyone,

Love

spangle


----------



## Elly

Hello

Can I join you guys?

DH and I would really like another miracle. We've not used any kind of contraception since they were born (stupid I know) and nothing as yet.  Worried the doctor won't refer us for IUI again as we should be grateful to have twins already.... what do you think?

Elly xx


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## Betty M

Hello girls

Elly -    I'm very new to this thread too and I can tell you they are very welcoming. I don't see why you can't refer yourself back to the same clinic  for more IUI - presumably you are going private now even if it was NHS first time round? Don't let them try and dissuade you - you are paying you can have what you like.

Tracey - I so agree with you on wanting IF to be got rid of.  It is tough I think for those of us for whom it has worked once as we have the additional pressure of knowing that our bodies can do it. I know that I went into my first cycle much calmer almost thinking "it will never work" than I did with my subsequent ones after DD was born. Just go for that next cycle when you are ready - you have probably had your fill of hospitals for a few weeks. 

Spangle - thanks for the advice about baths - I did a post on the 2ww about swimming and the responses were a resounding don't go so half term has come at a good time.

Scruffyted - I saw you did some posts on the other boards so I hope you have had some useful feedback on the FSH/egg quality issue or at least some questions for the doc. 

Tracy W - hows it going?  I'm only just beginning to feel that I have got rid of the after effects of EC and ET. 

Hello Suzy, CJ, Hun, Dopey-Dinah, Succotash and everyone else.

Managed to be very lazy this weekend as DD has had a 24 hour bug so hasn't insisted on going to the slides in the rain. Doubt it will last!
Hope you all had a good weekend.
Betty xx


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## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Thank you for your replies-still an emotional wreck and can't stop crying      to top it all have got ANOTHER cold!!! Roll on 2007!! 

Betty-sorry your dd isn't well but at least you can rest a bit, maybe she is poorly for a reason!!   could be you are meant to be resting!! Keeping everything crossed for you   when is your test date?

Elly-Hi and welcome, why wouldn't the doctor referrer you, you have just as much right as others to have another cycle, makes no difference you having twins-we wouldn't even think like this if we could all fall naturally. I would defiantly make an appointment and say you want another cycle.  

Tracey-thanks for the hugs hun sending one back to you as I know just how you are feeling, I have been crying all weekend at the thought of never having another baby, it brakes my heart to think ds will be an only child   Really hope you are getting over your ops and you can get starting tx as soon as you feel ready-really hope it works out for you.  

Tracy-How you doing on the 2ww hope it isn't to bad, keeping everything crossed for you, when's test date?   

Debbie-hi and welcome. Best of luck to you on your fet-why are they defrosting all of them-I thought they took 2 out and if they no good another two and so on?? Still hopefully you won't need any of the others as your one or two will work once put back where they belong. 

Spangle-really pleased you have started cycling again,are you doing the short protocol then? wow won't be long till E/c then i guess??!! Really really hope this is the one for you, you so deserve it after all you have been through.   

Succotash-thank you for your reply, it really helped what you said, but I really am lost, I'm not sure what to do to be honest. My consultant said to still do the long protocol but having posted on the nurse section maybe short would be better for me. It is the egg quality that worries me and also if i only get a few eggs that won't be great as dh sperm is so bad-last two cycles I got 10 eggs both times and both times only 6 fertilised so I'm thinking if I only get 3 or 4 eggs my chances of having any fertilise (let alone go on to implant) is quite low! sorry just rambling! Are you at the Lister then? i have heard great reports about them. Wow i didn't know you had 3 embies transferred and can i ask does your clinic transfer on day 3 then? Ds was a 2day as was all our other goes.  Hope your cold is much better-think you sent it to me!    I keep catching them as well, my best friend thinks it is because I am so down with tx etc I.m picking everything up! And you have been through far more than me-   When do you think you will start your cycle for your fet?    We are doing our bathroom up too, well we started it a year ago but what with one thing and the other we are STILL doing it!  

Hun-hope you are ok? haven't seen you post for a while.

Suzy-thanks for your reply, I'm like you i really don't understand how FSH can fluctuate each month if it is a measure of our ovarian reserve-if Ihave a low ovarian reserve how can it go down/up surely if it is depleting then it's depleting?? or am i just not getting it!  Hope you are ok, when are you hoping to start FET? 

CJ-Is your dh rattling yet?   Have you started packing yet? Are you going to watch Miss Marple again tonight?? I have got my fire on and my whiskey(for my cold you understand) ready for it to start.  

Hi to everyone else-anyone got anything romantic planned for Tuesday?? Dh is cooking for me!!! We met 13 years ago-aah bless...

I am going to get dh to ring our clinic tomorrow and try and talk to our consultant for a bit of reassurance as at the moment i really feel it is all pointless and we will never have a sibling we so desire    i think if i ring i will brake down on the phone and if we book an appointment we will have to pay!! hope we get some answers and i hope he will speak to us on the phone. Have any of you spoke to your consultant on the phone? we just usually get one of the nurses (who are usually lovely and very knowledgeable)

Thanks for being here for me girls, I'd be even more lost without you,

love scruffyted xxxx


----------



## emma73

Hi - just a quick one from me to let you know I havent fallen off the face of the earth. Things are very up in the air for me as I am having a bit of a realtionship crisis - well a major crisis really, touch and go but working on things. Dont really know where this leaves me with regard to tx, I'll see where we are when my name ciomes up. 

Welcome to the newbies - I have only done a skim read but to the mum fo twins, dont feel that you cant be reffered for another go at tx, its totally up to you.

Suzy - I cant remember if I have posted since you last tx, but if I havent then just want to send you a big hug. Hugs for you too Scruffyted - its happended for you before, it will happen again. 

I'm sorry no time for more personals - Luke is ill and stirring in bed - best go. 

Lots of love to everyone

Emma xxxxx


----------



## Hun

Hi All

Just a really quick one from me. Still feeling really under the weather - my cough just will not shift.

Emma- sorry to hear you are having a few relationship worries. Thinking of you. Hope Luke is better soon too.

ST -Did you speak to BH? Hope that you can find a way forward soon. Remember any blood test is just a single piece of information from a single moment in time.Things change all the time with our bodies. And FSH is only an indicator at best - nothing is set in stone or a forgone conclusion.

Betty & Traecy W - Hope you are both ok, and the 2ww flies for you.

Elly - all welcome here, no matter how many babies you have.

Spangle, Suzy, Succotash, Tracey, CJ, Helena, Imogen et al. - love and hugs to you all.

Just passing on some news from the 2wwers - some of you may remember Dell and Harriet who both had BFPs around the same time as me, CJ, Imogen, Suzy etc. - both got a BFP this month. Repeat the mantra, "  it has worked, it can work, it will work   " It will be our turn soon.

Hun xxx


----------



## Betty M

Hello all

A swift one as don't think DH and i should relally spend Valentine's day glued to our pcs!

Hun - sorry your cough is still with you This year's viruses have been truly vile. Glad to see news of your old cycle buddies - I'm repeating your mantra whilst I type!

Emma - sorry to hear you are having a tough time.  Hope all comes good for you.

Scruffyted - I hope you have been able to speak to your consultant and that you have got some reassurance from him. I'm sure he will be able to calm some of the worries. This whole process can be such a nightmare even when repeating Hun's mantra at all times.

I'm going slightly mad on the 2ww. Trying to keep positive but its difficult not to interpret every twinge or rather lack of them as a sign of impending disaster. Even the cyclogest doesn't seem to be having side effects.  Had a minor spin about the aspirin I've been told to take after ET as lots of ladies on other boards (mostly at the St Mary's miscarriage clinic) have been told not to take it until a BFP. My clinic reassured me but I am still dithering.  I might keep off it the next day or so as implantation time seems to be the main worry. Who knows - it maybe that it makes no difference one way or the other.

Have Happy Valentine's Days everyone.
Betty x


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Just a quickie as DH is cooking me a lovely Valentines meal.....

Dh rang our clinic and they were wonderful-long story cut short, our consultant said he sees no reason why i shouldn't do the long protocol as he doesn't think my levels are too high but if i really wanted to do the short he is fine with it. So we talked it through and have decided that he is the expert (he did say no-one can predict how a cycle will go and it is just a guide line as to how i will respond to the drugs) so we are going to do the long protocol.  So i start d/r on the 28th Feb!!! All back on again!!
Thanks for all your messages-i am now feeling better about it all-one of the first of many hurdles to overcome in this damn tx we all have to go through!!

Hun- I love your mantra and i think we should all say it daily! 
Betty and Tracy w -   keeping everything crossed for you both.
Be back to do personals-off to stuff my face!  

Love scruffyted xx


----------



## Cuthbert

Hi Girls!

Scruffyted, I'm thrilled for you that you're going to be starting treatment so soon. You've been through such an up and down time and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that things are more straightforward from now on.

Betty, sorry I can't help about the aspirin but hopefully you'll know what to do for the best. I hope that the rest of the 2WW rushes by and you get that BFP you deserve.

Hun, how are you feeling today? I hope that the cough's gone. I read Dell's news on the 2WW board and am completely thrilled for her - obviously she was a part of the twins thread for some time (and will always be a twin Mummy).

Emma, sorry to hear that you're going through problems in your relationship. I hope that you and your partner can work things through.

I've been going through a range of emotions in the last few days and yesterday thought that I would no longer be a part of this thread because I'd decided to give up on IVF. But we've finally sorted out our plans for further treatment. We were supposed to be going to Bristol for treatment but I was really put off by the fact that they charge for anything and everything - it blows our budget completely. Our last ICSI was at an NHS hospital so we just paid the bare minimum (if paying out thousands can be called such a thing) and I don't like the idea of someone making money out of our misfortune. They also weren't exactly welcoming of the fact that we would have had to take Daniel and Charlotte with us. So we've decided to go back to King's in London, where Daniel and Charlotte were made. It will make things complicated because my Dad would have looked after Daniel and Charlotte in Bristol for some of the time and I don't know anyone to look after them when we're in London. But we both feel so much more relaxed about going back to somewhere familar (and cheaper!) that it's got to help. The only hitch is that King's have a long waiting list so it would probably be August or later that we start but it's not too far off really.

Hi to everyone else. 

Jules


----------



## **Tashja**

Hello

Can I join you please 

I feel so selfish and I am sorry if I offend anyone.  

What a day today has been ......

I have 2 children.  DD & DS aged 4 and 2.  After having my 2 we decided I would do surrogacy to try and make someone else's dreams come true.  After 3 lots of IVF we got pregnant only to lose bubs at 7 weeks.  Cycle 4 we got another BFP only to lose bubs at 5 weeks. 

Unfortunately nobody realised there were twins in there until it was too late.  An ectopic ruptured.  I died twice in the hospital and lost a tube into the bargin  

Today was my 6 week check uup and in te run up to this appointment we decided we wanted another baby bcause we had come so close to losing everything.  I went to my GP who said there would be no problems - give it a bit of time and it will be fine.

Today the Consultant tells me that I will need Clomid ad the chances of me getting pregnant with no help were very low    Oh god just writing this has me in tears.

I feel a fraud - I already have my 2.  I don't know where to post I don't know what to do.

Sorry for the me post

T xx


----------



## Cuthbert

Tashja,

Why do you feel a fraud - you mustn't feel like that? You know that there are loads of people with secondary infertility. Yours has come from you being selfless and helping other infertile couples. You're bound to feel devastated by what the consultant said - it's awful news for you. I already have two children but this is a safe haven where you can still long for more children in spite of already having children - you shouldn't feel any guilt.

Thinking of you.

Jules


----------



## **Tashja**

Thanks Jules

I like many others have taken my fertility for granted and now realising the truth it has hit me like a 10 ton brick 

I wam going to pull out of this - I think we are just going to try naturally in the hope something happens.

Your 2 are georgous !!! 

Thanks again hun

T xx


----------



## CJ

Hi all had a bit of a nightmare here the last few days with DH having sickness bug which is causing him to have lots hypos ( he's a diabetic) and we had the ambulance out to him Sunday night, I was terrified, he really scared me, banging his head on the boys bedroom door and finally going unconscious. In a weird way I think our TX failing was a fate thing as I just can't cope with his diabetes at the moment, I feel like I'm living with a time bomb. He has never been this bad but were having a least one really bad (scary for me) hypo a night and it's really stressing me out, I have been in tears for nearly every day 

Anyway , sorry I didn't come on to off load on everyone  I just haven't seen anyone since Friday because I can leave him and Finley was sick last night too so he's picked it up  never rains hey 

Just wanted to pop on to say yea! Scruffyted,  that is fantastic news and really cheered me up tonight, I can't believe your starting in a couple of weeks, I'm so excited for you and will be with you every step of the way, wishing your all the best Hun 

Right better go and check on Hubby and Finley.

Hi to everyone 

Love CJ x


----------



## Dopey-Dinah

Hi everyone,

I had my bloods and scan today and everything's fine so starting drugs tomorrow and hopefully FET in a fortnight.    Can't quite believe that we're starting again and I've been feeling a wee bit wobbly about the whole "what if it works and then I find I can't cope" thing.  Anyway, I'm trying not to get ahead of myself and not count my chickens, but it's so hard when you want something so much.

I typed a huge post at the weekend and lost the whole thing...... twice.  Grrrrrr.  Was severely cheesed off by this and threw a hissy fit.  I'm feeling much calmer now and will attempt it again.

Succotash - Blastocysts were never mentioned at any point and I forgot to ask but I'm presuming they'll be put back at the stage they were frozen at i.e.  3 days.

Betty - It does seem a shame to defrost all 6 embies at once but on the whole, we can't complain about the hospital policy - it goes like this.    We were entitled to 2 full cycles funded by NHS and were very lucky to strike gold on our first cycle with 6 frosties.    Obviously this ruled out funding for our 2nd cycle but GRI will continue to treat us on the NHS until all the frosties from our first full cycle are used up.  I am going to discuss the options with the Embryologist and plead for them to be defrosted in 3 and 3 as the thought of losing 4 embryos fills me with horror.  The nurse said she thinks they'll be willing to do this so I'm hopeful.

Has anyone heard of the new guidelines that **** are trying to introduce whereby only 1 embie will be put back at a time.  I was told of this at my last appointment but of course, today I had a head like a seive   and forgot to ask whether it had been put into place yet.    Apparently, research in Europe has shown that the increase in chance of becoming pregnant is less than 5% when replacing 2 or more embryos as opposed to replacing just 1 but the increase in risk of pregnancy related problems with a multiple pregnancy (miscarriage or early delivery) is significantly higher than 5% therefore it has been shown to be safer and not make too much difference to pregnancy stats to replace only 1.  I suppose it makes a bit of sense.  I don't know what the situation is for private patients.  Hopefully, we'll still be allowed to put 2 back as our treatment is a follow on from last time and the paperwork from then is being used so we've already signed to say we want 2 put back.  Fingers crossed.

Hope everyone had a nice Valentine's evening and lots of   was enjoyed by many.

Debbie
X


----------



## Succotash

Flipping heck, I've just lost a really long post with lots of smileys and it's taken me ages to write.  

So this is an abridged version....

Betty and Tracey - hope the 2ww is going OK.  

Scruffyted - so glad to hear that you are going ahead with tx. Glad that the clinic have come up trumps as I was feeling very cross on your behalf. Yes, DS is one of 3 embies transferred on day 3. All my transfers have been day 3 and I can be horribly superstitious.

Spangle - yes, Dr said 3 x blasts would be too much of a risk but I've looked into this and the risk is tiny, tiny, tiny. I can be a bit gung-ho and would probably go for it and then panic about it later!

Tracey72 - hope the recovery is going well and that you are getting plenty of rest. April will be here before you know it.

Elly - hello and welcome.

Jules - can't believe Bristol are being so iffy about you taking your lovely twins. Good for you for voting with your feet.

Emmas -sorry to read of your relationship difficulties. You and DP have already been through so much. Hope you can work it all out. 

Hun - sorry to hear about your cough. I've still got mine (fifth week now!).

Dinah - how exciting to start your drugs. I hate all the hanging around inbetween. The whole SET thing is a big debate and I'm sure that I read that success rates in Europe, overall, are higher than here so clinics here really need to raise their standards if SET is viable. I do think it depends on one's age and the nature of the IF. My personal opinion is that I'm paying for this and I'm a big girl and I can decide on the risks in conjunction with my doctor. I'm getting heartily sick of this blinking interference from the government telling us what we can and cannot do. And we have the pay the HFflippinGEA for the pleasure. My belief is it is about money pure and simple. Prematurity and twins in particular cost the NHS millions every year and the NHS just cannot cope. So let's make some money saving out of the IF because they won't speak out against it. They can 'control' the number of babies we have but not the fertile majority. It's not like anyone is out there lobbying for the infertile. <Rant over> I'd go for 2 if I were you and get them to experiment using NHS money. And it's the NHS centres that have the crappiest success rate... Crikey could go on about this for ever. <rant really over now  >

CJ - sorry to hear of your woes, you've got a lot on your plate at the moment. Poor you, sending you big cuddles.

Must dash to pick up DS. So hi to everyone else. Will catch up later.

Love Succotash


----------



## Cuthbert

Sorry, just a quick post because your post reminded me of something, Succotash. In amongst the mountains of information we received from the Bristol clinic was a cheery little HFEA leaflet about the risks of multiple births. It made having twins sound like your worst nightmare - very difficult to look after them when little, unlikely to cope without help, highly likely to be born early and have disabilities. As someone who visits two sites for parents of multiples, I know the risks associated with twin or triplet pregnancies and have seen the effects of premature delivery. But it was very unbalanced in its reporting of twin pregnancy/twin parenting and made me really cross. I agree with you that multiples cost the NHS a huge amount (luckily mine didn't cost the NHS very much at all, relatively speaking) and they'd be better off putting funding into several cycles of SET IVF for infertile couples. But it isn't going to happen and so most of us would rather 'risk' having two embryos put back for greater chances of achieving a pregnancy from a very expensive IVF cycle.

OK, that's my rant over!

Jules

P.S. I always right-click and copy my posts before I post them so that I don't lose them.


----------



## Tracy W

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't been around for a while.  Been suffering a bit since EC and only really felt human again yesterday, which was a good job as DH took me a DD to see "Chicken Little".  (3 year old and fidgety hubby don't make for a good combination in cinema at the best of times).  

Been having lots of symptoms and lots of non-symptoms!!!!  Fed up of trying to read them!!!!! But being a firm believer in fate "What will be will be" and no amount of worrying and wondering will make any difference.  Not quite sure who I'm trying to convince - I swear this 2ww business is sending me round the twist.   

Betty - I hope have been able to sort out your dilemma.  I only had to take it after BFP but then a lot of things were different this time to last time.  Maybe they know something we don't.   Sending you lots of good luck vibes    

Scruffyted - Glad you got they news you wanted.  Fingers crossed for you. 

CJ - Sorry to hear about your hubby.  Hope things have calmed down for you a bit.  

Hope rest of you are ok!!

Going back to sitting in the corner talking to myself now.

Tracy xxx


----------



## Succotash

Right, OK, where was I .... Won't be ranting anymore.

Mrs G - please don't feel a fraud.  This is a really safe place to come.  We're all in the same boat - we have children and need help conceiving more.  You did a wonderfully altruistic thing with the surrogacy and you deserve a break.  Circumstances change.  You know, when DH and I were dating (and before he was ill and hence the IF) I had an accidental preganancy.  Oh the irony.  I m/c very early and I remember thinking hey, at least I know we can conceive.  And look at me now.  Good luck with the clomid.  

Jules - You are so right about the spin of twins and problems, I completely agree with you.  It's typical scaremongering.  I do wonder what % of twin births are as a result of IVF/ICSI, how many by non-licensed(by HFEA), non-monitored, fertility treatments like IUI and clomid and what % naturally occuring.  Must do some digging to see if I can find out.  The famous Walton sextuplets were as a result of ovulation induction, iirc.  I'm sure it's all spun way out of proportion.  And yes to taking the risk, me too - on HFEAs data there was only ONE triplet birth in the 40 -42 age group!  (I know it doesn't take failed pgs into consideration though).  I'm sure that one of the countries that is really successful with SET (somewhere in Scandinavia?) funds something ridiculous like 6 cycles of IVF.  I mean, if I was eligible for that then I'd have a go!
    Didn't have time to mention before but re childcare for DTs when you're having treatment.  There is an agency called Universal Aunts (been around for decades) that can come look after your twins at the clinic whilst you are having your appointment.  I just rang them today to ask them if this was possible as a back-up plan for ourselves.  I've never left DS with a stranger but think I could handle him not leaving the premises and being entertained by someone else, if that makes sense.  It is expensive - £10/hour for a minimum of 3 hours plus nanny's travelling expenses (tube/bus fare) and one-off £20 fee to the Agency.  I can't vouch for them in any way but was thinking of it for embryo transfer day.

Tracy - poor you.  The talking to yourself in the corner made me chuckle.  Know what you mean.   

As for me, well have had my hycosy which was a bit grizzly as still had AF but no where near as grizzly as a ventouse delivery ("can someone get a mop and bucket for all this blood" said twice by midwife as DS came into the world).  Thankfully all OK and I'll be d/r for med FET 7th March.  Have agreed with the embryologist that we are pursuing an aggressive strategy with our frosties.  If they survive the thaw then she will try to take them to blast.  Very risky as we only have 3 but she's hopeful that if they thaw OK we could get one blast as one of our no-hopers turned into a perfect blast last time (it's frozen).  Failing that we will transfer what we can on day 3 and depending on what that is then may go back on day 5 to have the blast transferred too.  

Love Succotash


----------



## Betty M

Hello girls

The SET thing drives me nuts - there was an article in the Telegraph the other week with new evidence from Holland showing that it will effectively halve the success rates http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/main.jhtml?xml=/health/2006/02/06/nivf05.xml. The article also has some states on percentages of twins in the natural population but doesn't compare that no to the no of assisted conception twins so not much help in showing whether they are such an additional "burden". I wont hear a thing against my NHS centre though - I have them to thank for my DD!

Succotash - glad the Hycosy is over and done with and you are all systems go for FET.

Tracy W - I'm with you going round the bend. Remember the mantra - it has worked, it can work, it will work!   

Debbie - hope the embryologist goes with the 3 and 3 for you.

CJ - do hope your DH is on the mend. Diabetes can be so tough to control when other illnesses hit and the pressure on you must be immense.

Jules - glad you have sorted your plans. Cant believe Bristol were going to be snotty about your twins. The only rule at the Hammersmith is no children in recovery but everywhere else fine. I'm not sure my DD has appreciated being dragged to dawn scans though! I think its a cheek when clinics charge extra for bloods and scans on top - it makes true price comparisons really hard.

Hello to everyone else too.
Betty x


----------



## spangle

Oh my word it is busy here, I keep reading every night. 

Scruffyted- Great news about cycling again. Not sure how my protocol will work as have never had this before, I have got another few more weeks on the pill and then an appointment to give me the protocol/drugs. Am nervous and excited. How are ypu feeling ? Has your cough completely gone ? DD has this hideous cold and cough she is constantly tired and yet at other times she is ok. She is coughing at night and I can't do anything apart from give her ots of tlc. SHe is having somecough mixture but not sure if it is helping.  How are things with your mum? 

Mrs G- You are so kind and generous doing what you have done. All the best to you ttc.

Jules-I am glad you have made your mind up about what you are going to do. I always feel I need to know my treatment path because it keeps me going. I would love twins, I bet it is very annoying reading information that is manipulated  to suit costs .

Succotash- Am so glad everything went ok for you. I bet you are so pleased your  fet is next month.

Tracy W- Glad you are feeling a bit better after your egg collection.I am itching to see chicken little- we all went to Cinema on Sunday to see Wallace and Gromit and were rabbit. Was great dd , dd likes cinema treats !!

Elly  


Debbie- Good luck with this cycle

CJ-  Sending you hugs.
Good luck Betty and Tracey W

take care everyone

love

Spangle

xxx


----------



## omnad

Very interesting posts, I totally agree that we are adults and can make our own decisions. Of course twin pregnancy has more risks, but we all want to increase our chances to conceive even if it is 'only' 5%.
Jules- Bristol does sound very snotty. You better off going to London and have better chances and cheaper then this. We stayed in out old clinic in Oxford too long because it was convenient, although they have been horrible to us!! In the end after being in tears after every time I spoke to them we decided to leave.
MrsG- welcome and good luck. What is the reason for clomid? Don't feel a fraud, we are all in the same situation.
Suucotash- glad the hysteroscopy went well and good luck for your treatment.
Tracey-    not long to go.
Debbie- glad you are starting again.  
CJ- I am so sorry to hear about dh and how scary for you. Hope he is feeling better soon and his hypo's are getting better. 
Scruffyted- wonderful you are starting soon and great about a positive consultant.
Suzy-  
hi to everyone I missed, this thread has grown very quickly.
I have some good news, our 3 embies survived and this morning, day 4, were 16 cells. The embryologist was very surprised as she said she rarely sees this in frozen embies. We started with 2x6 cells and 1x8 cell.
later this morning 2 were more then 16 and they were put back.
she was confident they would have continue to blasts tomorrow if we'd let them, but they are probably better inside me.  
They refused to put 3 back, which is a shame as we had to let the 3rd perish.

I am trying to rest today and back to work tomorrow, better keep myself busy.

love
Sharon


----------



## Cuthbert

Ooh, good luck Sharon. It sounds as if those embies did well for you. Interesting what you say about Oxford because that's where our nurse in Swindon wanted to refer us. Have you sorted out moving yet? I don't envy you doing a 2WW and moving house and jobs at a similar time.

It sounds as if we're all been entertaining our children at the cinema. We had our first family visit to the cinema today to watch Chicken Little. Charlotte really got into it (but as my brother said, she gets into everything she does, I wish that I had her verve) but Daniel found parts of it a bit scary. Spangle, would you recommend Wallace and Gromit for three year olds?

We're off swimming tomorrow; I'm really enjoying having a family orientated half-term - the benefits of DH being a SAHD.

Take care.

Jules


----------



## spangle

Hi,

Sharon- All the best on your 2ww  

Jules- DD found film OK but then all children are different (don't we know that hey !!)She enjoyed Charlie and Chocolate Factory and my friend's little girl was a bit scared by it. What a fab half term with dh being at home sounds great. Enjoy the rest of your half term, I am enjoying receiving no early morning calls for work and no rushing about it is fab.

Take care

love

Spangle


----------



## suzy

Hi everyone,

I can't keep up either - so many people seem to be on tehe 2ww or about to start a cycle. 

Sher  - good to hear from you and fabulous about your embies. Definately better inside you rather than growing in a dish. I so much hope it works for you.

Betty - In Australia, the clinics came nearly equal success in younger women with SET (ie nearly the same take home baby rate. I think it depends on your clinic and their general success as to how successful SET is. Here they do routine blast transfer as well. I'm 39 and have had a couple of bfn's so they are transferring two for me. My doctor told me a story about a patient he had who got pg with twins and had to have the pregnancy terminated at 20 weeks because of severe pre-eclampsia (it was either the babies are aborted or they all die). She then came back, assuring him that all the specialists had said that it wouldn't happen again. He tried to persuade her to have a SET but she begged him for two. She got pregnant again with twins and lost them at 22 weeks because of pre-eclampsia again. Stories like that are rare, but really make you think

Succotash - great that you are going again, and I think we'll be cycle buddies cos I'm doing a natural FET in March as well. Only one to thaw though, so might not happen. Scarey that you're going to blast - but its been OK for me and the last time I had three day 3 as well.

Tracey w  - I'm feeling for you on the 2ww. It must be the crappest time for the whole cycle, and I've got a personal theory that its the progesterone you have to take that sends us round the twist. Its a potent combination. Good luck anyway. When do you test?

Dinah  - love your name. I'd be peeved as well if the government was making decisions for me. Good luck for your transfer. Try to stay steady 

CJ  - I'm so sorry to hear about your hubbies diabetes. I've seen people with bad hypos behave strangely and its quite scarey until you realize what's happening. I hope it gets sorted out soon. HOpe ds gets better too and you're right it does tend to pour a lot!

Mrs G  - you poor thing. My heart goes out to you that you did such a selfless altruistic thing in the end at the expense of your own health. Never feel greedy wanting another child. This is one of my real gripes with IF - that it makes us feel we are being selfish wanting another one.

Cuthbert  - glad you are still here and planning more treatment.

Scruffyted  - so glad you have got over that emotional hurdle as I know it was eating you up. Here's to onward and more babies!!! Its great you were reassured by the consultant and are feeling positive now. Hope you enjoyed your Valentine's meal.

Emma - sorry you are having relationship troubles - it must be hard when you feel that your foundations are wobbly. For some reason I really feel protective of you and wish I could give you a big hug -  there, that'll have to do 

Tracey  - sorry you are going through a tough time. IF is the most difficult thing - just truly awful for us all. I know its the biggest challenge I've ever had to face. Hope things get better for you. You've been through a lot lately and deserve more.

Hun - how was Prague? Love your mantra. Have pinned it on the fridge 

I've been feeling much better apart from problems with a couple of friends and its eating me up. One of them is about 16 weeks pregnant and on the phone last night, I was quite upset about feeling we were growing apart. She said she felt awkward around me and didn't want to seem as if she was rubbing my nose in it. She then went on to emphasise how much I had in my life and it might help if I could concentrate on the things I had rather than what I didn't have. It seemed to me like she felt like I was self pitying or whingeing when I shouldn't and its really been playing on my mind. We went through our pregnancies together and have been so close, but she seemed distant and awkward on the phone and a little harsh.

The other friend who told me she was pg on my worst day (You all know that one - when you're sure its a bfn and you're full of hormones and very tearful), and I told her about my IVF. I have only heard from her once since and that was brief and we used to have much more contact than that.

I'm really beginning to feel I have leprosy or something and I feel like a real outsider and as if I've been blackballed and I can't get it out of my mind. I'm so upset about it. I almost wish I hadn't told them both - its made it worse for me. I dont' know if they are trying to protect me, but I suspect that they are protecting themselves. I'd hate to think they are talking about me behind my back and pitying me. Mmmmmm don't know what to think.

Anyway, hi to anyone I've missed,

Love,

Suzy


----------



## spangle

Hi Suzy

Sending you a big hug  Totally know what you mean. I really think that unless people have been through this nightmare they have no idea what it is like. Friends and family try to understand but they really need to experience it. I find sometimes the harder they try the worse it gets. Sometimes I just want to    and shout and scream, other times it hurts so much I just want to   then other times I really want to talk about it. I find I want to decide what I tell people and when, as coping with this is so very painfuland raw. I am so sorry your friends aren't helping much. I hated the fact my sister was dreading telling me she was pregnant because of my situation. It is a nightmare sometimes it is easier not to tell people but then they have no idea why we react the way do -i.e. tears/ withdrawing.

Hope I have helped, sending you a shoulder and a listening ear.

love

Spangle


----------



## Hun

Hi All

No personals, but I just wanted to say hi to you all, send positive and sticky vibes to all those that need them, big hugs to all those who need one, and that I am reading and keeping up with you all.

love
Hun xx


----------



## Betty M

Hello everyone

Spangle - Hope your DD is better - mine has a cough now too so insists on sleeping  with us everynight and waking us up regularly. Exciting that you are nearly ready to go again.

Sharon - great to know how well your embies came through the thawing process. Definitely better back where they belong.  Hope the next 2 weeks flies by to a happy ending. 

Suzy - a hug from me too.   I think your friends probably just don't know how to deal with it - people often find it hard to cope with the big things in life unless they happen to them personally so they just put up barriers or go and find something easier to deal with. True empathy is a rare quality. It is partly for fear of reactions like that that DH and I have told no one about our TX - FFers are the only people who know. If anyone asked me directly I think I would proably tell them but no one has. Sometimes it makes it tough particularly since my BFN last year but FF has really helped. Hope the fact that we are here helps.

Jules - glad half term is being fun.

Hun - thanks for the positive and sticky vibes.

Hello to everyone else too.

Nothing to report here other than the 2ww ticks by.  DH keeps reminding me I had no symptoms with DD before the test and I should remain positive so thats what I'm trying to do. Anyway less than a week to go now.

Love
Betty x


----------



## Dopey-Dinah

Hi everyone,

Sorry if I opened a big bad can of worms mentioning the SET thing.  Didn't mean to get you all riled up .

I am only on day 2 of taking HRT and am already a hormonal wreck,blubbing all over the place.  Sitting at work this afternoon, DH phones and tells me he loves me, before I know it I can't speak to him for snivelling like a dummy.    I'm such a woose.   Heaven knows what I'll be like after a fortnight. 

Haven't plucked up the courage to speak to Embryologist yet about defrosting our snowbabies.  Maybe tomorrow. 

Hope everyone is OK.  

Debbie XXX


----------



## Succotash

Hello everyone,

Sher - good to hear from you again.  Wow, that's brilliant news on your embies.  I do think that bodes so well for you.  Good luck for your 2ww.  I hope it flies by and you are greeted with 2 pink lines at the end.   

Suzy - your friend does sound like she doesn't know how to handle your situation.  And as for the 'why don't you focus on the good things in your life'.  Well, why do people say such rubbish!  I had something similar said to me after my m/c and I wanted to scream.  Other people just don't get it.  
    I sense from your post that you are maybe feeling a bit isolated?  Don't have any pearls of wisdom I'm afraid.  I do think though that the general public know diddly-squat about IVF and most are informed by the tabloid press or awful documentaries with horrible endings.  When I told my best friend that we needed IVF she went on about how I shouldn't do it.  And why was this?  Well, she knew someone who knew someone who knew someone who had tried for X years and the marriage had collapsed after successive failures and then their house was repossessed as it had been remortgaged to fund treatment.  That was her sole knowledge of IVF!  Now she knows all the pros and cons of blastocyst transfer.   

Betty - not long now.  Here's hoping for 2 pink lines for you too.   

Debbie - I love your son's name.  Are you Scottish perchance?  I am and DS has a very lovely Scottish name too.  Curiously, I got on well with the HRT so come the menopause I will be the first in the queue.  

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all doing well.

Love, Succotash.


----------



## emerald

Hello, can I join you - I'm new to this thread.  

We are having ICSI and I had my baseline scan and started stimming yesterday.  Finding it less stressful than last time as I know ICSI can work for us (DS 2yrs 7months), although I am concerned that none of the eggs will fertilise as we got no fertilisation with first IVF and low fertilisation with ICSI.  

Found the single embryo transfer issue interesting.  We are considering having just one transferred this time depending on quality of embryos and how many we get to minimise the chance of twins.  Obviously we do want to maximise the chance the treatment working so haven't come to a decision yet - will probably decide on the day of ET.  I certainly don't think SET should be imposed on couples and it should be up to them to decide whether to transfer one, two or even three.  

Good luck and fingers crossed to all of you, whatever stage you are at in your treatment.

Emerald x


----------



## Dopey-Dinah

Hi everyone,

Emerald - Welcome.    Good luck with your treatment.  

Succotash - yes we're very Scottish.  We live in the North of Scotland although both DH and I originally come from Glasgow.  That's one of the reasons we're having our treatment there (400 mile round trip), Bed & Board  - very cheap rate at Mum and Dad's house.     The other reason is there are very few IVF centres in Scotland - only 4 I think....  Glasgow, Edinburgh, Dundee and Aberdeen.

What's your son's name?    Struan means "river" in Gaelic.  It's also a place on the Isle of Skye but we didn't choose it for either reason, really just coz we liked it.

I totally agree with what you said about people on the whole not having any idea what IVF is really all about.  I found when I told anyone that we were having IVF, they instantly assumed that it would work and had no idea how complicated and emotionally draining the procedure is.  I had a very frustrating conversation with someone who said "Oh I've got a friend who doesn't have any eggs, so I'm just going to give her one of mine"  Daft bat didn't have a clue what she was talking about and I chose not to get any further into the discussion, or I might just have clobbered her  

Debbie
XXX


----------



## scruffyted

Hi Girls

oh my goodness you girls have been  lots!! I have been to stay with a friend for a couple of days and has just taken me an hour to catch up!!! Nice to see though...

Emerald-Hi and welcome to this thread. Good luck for your treatment, hope the stimming goes well and you get lots of eggs-keep us posted. 

Dopey-Dinah-That's great that your scan etc went well and you are on your way-FET is so much less demanding on your body. Keeping everything crossed for you.  i really would speak to your embryologist and ask to only defrost the minimum at first and see how they go.

Mrs G-Hi and welcome, don't for one minute think you are being selfish for wanting more children. You are truly an amazing lady for trying to help somebody else and unfortunately nearly loosing your life in the process! I have heard of many success story's with people conceiving through clomid and I really think you have a good chance. You never know when your body has fully recovered from your ordeal you may fall naturally, i really hope so.  

CJ-oh my goodness you poor thing, how is your DH now? Not what you need right now with packing etc!!Could the stress of your tx failing and moving bought your DH hypos on? Ah bless you heart CJ, thinking of you and your DH, how is Finlay now, better i hope. will reply to your pm soon. Take care-  

Jules-so sorry to hear that Bristol wasn't what you had hoped it to be. I cannot believe that they were being funny about taking along your twins, surely other people go that have got children! I agree that it feels more relaxed going back to somewhere you know.  We did look into moving clinic, especially after my "nurse" problem!! It's a shame Kings has a waiting list but August will be here before you know it and also you will be on "term" holidays so will be less stressful re no work. 

Tracey72-Hi, how are sweetheart? Has AF arrived yet? Only one more and you will be starting!! So hope that it will be the one for you.   

Emma- I am so sorry to hear you are having relationship problems-i really think that IF causes so much stress and heartache that it is understandable we have our hard times.-sending you a hug  

Betty-How you doing? hope you are not going to stir crazy!!! How many times a day do you knicker check or is that just me??  

Sharon-wow 16 cells is fab!! Sounds good to me, keeping everything crossed for you.  

Spangle-My cough has finally gone thank you -how is your DD? sounds very much like my symptoms, really tired and unwell for a few days then better then down again, hope she is better soon and it doesn't go on as long as mine did! Whens your appointment to get your protocol? I'm no expert but it sounds like it could be the short one.  I am so hoping this is the one for you, you have been through so much.  

Tracyw-how are you doing? Is the 2ww driving you loopy yet?  whens test date? I've forgotton.  

Succotash-How you doing? Excuse me for being silly but did you have a Hycosy or hysteroscopy? Interesting re SET, I have to say I haven't read up on it much but I do feel it is OUR choice as to how many we want put back and I really feel it is all just about money! oh it gets my goat it really does.  When will you start d/r for your FET?   

Hun-Hope you are having a wonderful time with DH and DS on your business trip in Prague.

Suzy-I totally understand how you are feeling in regards to your friends, unfortunately no-one can understand the pain and heartache of tx unless you have to go through it.  One of the reasons we only told close family and my best friend about tx was because of that very reason, I so did not want to be treated differently or people stay away from me etc-although some friends have sort of guessed as they say "oh you took a long time to have your son (as we married in 97) and you haven't had another one yet,  have you got to have fertility treatment"!!! You are not self pitying at all and I hope your friend wasn't implying that. It must have been so hard when she said she feels awkward around you?? You are still the same person even though you are having to have tx etc.  Maybe she is being a really good friend by staying away as not to rub your nose in it. Sending you a huge hug.  

Hi to anyone I've missed.

As for me just counting the days to start d/r, although i go from feeling confident that it will work to depths of despair that it wont!!! Keep crying and that's before i start the drugs!!!

love Scruffyted xxxx


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## Betty M

Hello ladies

Scruffyted - hope the days are flying by. Sometimes I cant believe the stress we put ourselves through - the build up is stressful, then the treatment, then the wait and then the result - not a single stage is easy. 

Debbie - hope the HRT has stopped making you weepy. Did you get a chance to talk to the embryologists about your frosties?

Emerald -   good luck for your cycle.  It always makes me feel slightly less stressed to remember that the stats for those of us who have already had a success are better than for the average.  It gives me hope. I also understand the quantity of eggs and fertilisation worries.  Our egg nos have been going down through the cycles but fertilisation this time was percentage wise better than the last.

Sharon and Tracy W  - hope the 2ww is going well.  Sticky vibes coming your way -   .

Hey there Suzy, Hun, Spangle, Cuthbert, Sharon, Tracey, Succotash and everyone else - hope your weekends are going well.

I am not doing so great.  I have no proof either way but I went to bed last night convinced that this cycle has not worked.  I woke up a few times from dreams that AF had arrived, that I was at the clinic having a review, that I was starting a new cycle, that I needed a new protocol etc etc.  Each time I raced to the bathroom in a panic to check it was not all over. All I want to do right now is to get to test day (Tuesday) without concrete proof that it has failed. I am trying to remain positive but it is hard when I'm knicker checking like a lunatic - wearing black ones to try and make it more difficult today! Over on the 2ww board everyone seems to have symptoms, implantation bleeding - the works. I am feeling a little bit crampy but nothing else. I am holding to the fact that with DD I don't remember feeling anything till later on but I know that with my positive FET I definitely had sore boobs which went shortly before I lost that pregnancy. I don't have a super sensitive HPT in the house only a bog standard Predictor one which I have had so long it is reaching its sell by date so I don't want to use it just yet. Anyway - sorry to offload - its not over till its over I suppose. 

Love
Betty x


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## Succotash

Hello everyone

Emerald - Hi and welcome.  Hope the stimming is going OK.  

Debbie - DS is called Angus.  I had a great big, long list of names in preparation and DH only liked 2 names - Angus and James.  When he was born he was so robust that we felt Angus fitted him really well.  I'm a real teuchter, from Caithness.    DH and I honeymooned on the Isle of Skye and had a great time.  My paternal grandfather was from Skye and I went there with my grandparents every year for about 15 years.  Family is from Torrin and I feel very earthed when I am there.  

Scruffyted - How did you get rid of your cough in the end?  Reason I ask is that I still have mine and just can't seem to shift it.  I had the same thing last year and went to the GP but he said there was nothing he could give me so I haven't bothered going this time.  It was a hycosy I had just to check that there were no retained pieces of tissue from the erpc.  If there had been I would have needed a hysteroscopy which would have really added to the cost.  I start primolut 24/2 then d/r with Suprefact 3/3 .... but only if I get rid of this cough!  Sorry to hear your emotions are a bit up and down.  Just think, this may be the last time you ever have to do this as in 9 months time you'll be a proud mummy of 2.     

Betty - I admire your resolve to keep away from the pee sticks.  I'm afraid I am very weak and start testing at 4dpt .... nothing quite like putting yourself through it!  Everything's crossed for you tomorrow.   

Hi to everyone else, love Succotash.


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## scruffyted

Hi Girls

Succotash-Really sorry to hear you have still got that b###dy cough, I know how you are feeling, it got me down. My doctor was the same as yours, his answer was to have another (being the 4th!!) antibiotic or go on a holiday where it was hot!!! Oh yer is he going to pay for it then!     Anyway, I went to talk to our local pharmacist, who i know quite well from all the years of going to him, he told me that sometimes when you cough so much for so long it can cause scaring on the tubes and the body thinks it is phlegm(sp?) hence you still cough...are you still with me  ...he gave me a medicine that is an old fashioned remedy but my goodness did it work (I had tried all the normal cough medicines) It is called "Ipecacuanha & morphine mixture" and is made by Thornton & Ross-I highly recommend it, as you know my cough went on for 3months and within 1 week of taken the medicine it had cleared up!!!
Wow you will only be a couple of days behind me for d/r! Can i ask you what primolot is for? Glad you didn't need the hysteroscopy. Wish you better and really hope the medicine works. 

Betty-Thinking of you sweetheart, wishing you lots and lots of luck for testing tomorrow-  you get that BFP.     

Tracey72-Enjoy your time at your mum's.  

Love Scruffyted xxxx


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## spangle

Betty- All the very best for tomorrow. The night before testing is a stressfull one because there is so much hope and so many dreams that we have. Oh how I hate the constant paranoid toilet trips !! 

Succotash- Sorry you are feeling poorly. Hope Scruffyted's medicine does the trick. 

Jules- How was your first day back at work ? I was only suppose to be working the morning and then was asked to work whole day. Taught 3 different classes today ! Oh how we need the money for treatment !! 

Scruffyted- DD is much better thanks. Bought a boots vapouriser and this has seemed to help a lot more than the benylin medicine she had for chesty coughs. She was glad to go to nursery day and was ready for it. How was your half term ? Did you have a good time at your friends ? I know what you mean about feeling when just starting another cycle. We so want it to work and then suddenly all our hopes can come crashingdown !  my appointment for other drugs in on 2nd march. Feels weird  taking the pill. I always tell myself i am closer to becoming pregnant during treatment than when not !!

Sharon/Tracey W how are things going ?

Sending everyone a 

Love

Spangle


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## suzy

Hi everyone,

I've locked this thread - you can continue at http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,49284.msg638250.html#msg638250

Suzy


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