# How to help a friend after loss/negative cycle



## irishflower (Apr 13, 2012)

Hi all,

Having had a successful cycle almost two years ago now, I was recently asked to contact a friend of a friend who was about to commence treatment and wanted someone to talk to.  I got in touch with her and stayed in touch throughout her cycle.  She got a negative result recently, and as this was her one and only chance, I just feel so bad for her.  As my own outcome was different, I don't really know what type of thing to say/do - I felt fine giving advice throughout, but now am at a bit of a loss.  Because it's an issue I feel so personally about and have had lots of experience of others being insensitive, I really want to say something that might help, and send her some wee thing to let her know I'm thinking about her.

Does anyone have any advice?

Thanks!


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## M0ncris (Aug 25, 2013)

Hi Irishflower,

I can completely see where you are coming from.  We are all different but my first bfn was devastating as you expect it to work even though you know the odds.  I would just send her a message saying that you are here if she wants to talk and you are thinking of her.  I'd also signpost her to this site if you haven't already.  Listening is the most important thing you can do I would say as there isn't any advice other than it will take a lot of time and you will get through it that you can give.  I remember a very good counsellor saying to me that each loss and bfn you feel like you break into a hundred pieces and you put yourself back together but you are never quite the same.

Be prepared that it may be too painful for her at the moment to be in touch with you.

Others might have some more inspired advice.  Good luck and I am thinking of you both.
Mon
Xx


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## irishflower (Apr 13, 2012)

Thank you Mon - that all makes complete sense.  I have let her know about this site but don't know if she ever used it.

Thanks again x


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## sunshine and clouds (Sep 28, 2014)

That's v sweet of you to be so thoughtful 

I would agree with Mon no advice just listen and let her know you're sorry and there if she needs you


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