# Emptiness



## sophiekh (Mar 12, 2014)

Hello Ladies, 
I am hope im in the right place to vent, but I really need someone to talk to.
I feel this huge emptiness at the moment as I have never been able to conceive naturally or IVF. I am at the age when friends and family all are married and have children, so I feel like I am out of the 'gang' so to speak. I find myself is getting very upset and emotional about my infertility, sometimes cannot control my tears. 
I just feel so empty and alone sometimes, I feel physically and emotionally sick. Last weekend someone created a ******** page  for school reunion and everyone was talking about their family and kids, I felt so upset and remove myself from the group. 
I feel as grown woman, I should just over that empty feeling and move on with life, but its getting harder each day.  I cant really talk to family or friends about this - mainly because i just break down and i dont feel i can open up so much in front of them


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## Jomo20 (Jul 13, 2012)

Hi Sophiekh,

I'm so sorry you're feeling quite low. I completely understand how you feel as all of my friends have children and whenever we all go out they are always talking about them and I just sit there with nothing to say! I also feel empty and worried how I will cope if the next IVF doesn't work (this will be our last go at it).

This forum is such a big help though as there is always someone who completely understands what you are going through.

Do you have any plans to have another attempt at IVF?

Jomo xx


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## sandyman (Dec 2, 2014)

Hi there
I am only at the beginning of our journey in comparison to you, however we all know how you are feeling in some degree or another. My thoughts go out to you, and remember how brave and strong you actually are to be getting through this at all. 

There is a constant dull ache inside, that I don't feel will ever leave, unless I get that one and only thing I want!  But until the future comes, all we can do is take each day as it comes. 

If you ever want to rant or chat, just send it my way, I could really do with the vent and the help from you also

Lots of love to you all!
Stay strong
xx


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## sophiekh (Mar 12, 2014)

thank you ladies, I have been feel even more rubbish lately about it, I have times when im 'ok'. This morning I saw a heavily pregnant women waiting on the platform and tears just came streaming out, i was so embarrassed. 

I think I was more positive and full of hope when I started all of this years ago, and this forum was a great help as i can just be open and not feel rubbish about. 

As you can see from my sig, ive had a number of failed treatments and am now single. I am not sure about the next steps yet


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

I'm so sorry,  
You've posted before about how difficult things have been for you
Dealing with IVf then a marriage breakdown must be incredibly hard,  not sure how well I'd cope TBH.
I also find it incredibly hard seeing school friends , some with 3 or 4 children. 

It's a small step in the grand scheme of things, but have u tried accessing counselling? I know it cannot change the reality of your current situation, 
But it may help you manage your feelings. From what u have said it sounds like u are grieving, and when u feel like that getting through each day can feel like walking through treacle. 

I understand your desire to be a parent , it something we all share.  
Being single with fertility probs doesn't make your dream impossible, harder yes but still achievable. 
But it sounds like you need to reach out and talk to people who understand , and help u clear your head 
Maybe even a life coach if counselling is not for u
I hope u get some support
Please keep posting if u need to 
KJ  x


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hi Sophie   We've chatted before when you went through all your breakup issues and sorry to see you struggling with next steps as I know your faith would never allow you to pursue this alone and having lived for years in Islamic countries I completely understand why you can't, I really hope a lovely man will come your way soon   I know many Muslim women in your position who have successful 2nd marriages so don't give up   would you not have a look at the marriage sites in case a suitable match comes up locally? (my friend is getting hitched to an unbelievably lovely and "very" wealthy man lol after meeting on one site and he was only 20 mins down the road from her - who knew!!)

x


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## Eevee (Jun 24, 2015)

Hi Sophiekh,

I know exactly how you feel. I feel like, as a grown woman, I should be able to get over the ache that I feel every day! I used to be so strong, so alive but most days I just feel so numb! 
I can't talk to my other half- mostly because I don't want him to think I'm weak and pathetic ( even though I'm sure he wouldn't) and now I find myself avoiding social situations and even certain TV programmes if children are there. 
Yesterday, my other half's brother and his wife welcomed their first baby in to the world and the desperation in me was so deep all I felt was anger. We're supposed to feel joy but I felt sick and  full of rage.
He is being supportive and offer to talk about it but I can't.
Now I feel lost and alone and completely helpless!

I know this post probably hasn't helped you at all but hopefully you know that you're not alone, that what you feel is normal and maybe there will be light at the end of the tunnel for us all xxx


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## sophiekh (Mar 12, 2014)

thank you all for replying, i really feel like sometimes I carry this load on my shoulders everyday. I think the feeling alone part does feel hard. Noone is in my situation.  Everytime i hear 'let it go' - i feel angry. Everytime someone complains about having kids etc i get angry. its not normal - will be looking at counselling again - 
thanks again


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## Mrsball (May 10, 2013)

Sophie 
I'm just commenting on this old post in the hope that you get a notification and read it! 
I'm trying to reply to your message but your inbox is full so it won't let me send 
If you pick this up, drop me another private message once you have cleared your inbox of some space!  
X


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