# Grieving Motherhood



## Kimba9407 (Feb 12, 2015)

Has anyone ever felt like you are grieving your motherhood? I'm trying to come to terms with the fact I will never be a Mom, but I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle of grief for something that I always wanted more than anything but I will never have. Having a rough few days on the roller coaster and just feel like I need to talk to someone who will understand.  Any words of wisdom to share? Or something?


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Oh lovely, yes I certainly went through this when I had to give up, it is well and truly grief.  I also really struggled with my blood line ending with me (I have a very small family), I felt insignificant and lost at sea.

Have you seen Jody Day's book Rocking the Life Fantastic?  It's hard reading when your not ready to give up but it is fantastic in making you try to find happiness with the life that you have.  It covers grieving for motherhood and has lots of practical help.  You have to be ready to read it though.

I know that my situation has changed now but I had a long time to face the reality of trying to accept that I wouldn't be a mum.  I was in a very dark place for what seemed like an eternity, I really couldn't see the point of life, or the point of me.

People would tell me that those feeling wouldn't always feel so dark, they never go but they get easier to manage lovely.  You have to want to find the positives and forge a plan B life (and who wants to do that right?).  

Thinking of you. How are feeling today? Xxx


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## zoooooommmmm (Aug 5, 2009)

Yes, completely. It is exactly grieving. This may sound awful but to some extent its worse because we all know people all have to die in the end but with this there seem to be no logic, no fairness, no nothing.


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## Kimba9407 (Feb 12, 2015)

Thank you so much! I definitely needed the hugs. A little better today but tried talking to a friend at lunch and it made me feel like I was nuts. It means so much to get validation that what I'm feeling is real. I do have the book Molly but every time I look at it I end up putting it down. I don't think I'm ready for it yet. It does look helpful but I feel so conflicted right now and I'm second guessing our decisions and too angry to read it I think. I just turned 43 in March which is my clinic's cutoff age and that was the final straw for us. So this is really still pretty fresh I guess and I have to roll with it. 

I think I need some way to mourn this, plant a tree or something, but I haven't thought of the right thing yet.

I really like that post that has the positives of living child free. Some of them do make me laugh. Maybe I should print it. But there are days that you could tell me all the positives in the world and I wouldn't care.

I am in counseling and trying to work on patience but easier said than done.

Thank you so much for the hugs. I knew I could get support here. ☺


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## StillGrumpy (Feb 4, 2016)

I know this is an old post, but I just want to add my voice to it in solidarity, support, understanding, and just to say, I am right there with you. 
I am still grieving for my motherhood lost. Although I turned my back on tx some time ago, I turned 40 at my last birthday and since then my grief has known it and ramped up a notch.

I keep coming back here, now and again, over the years, FF having been a lifeline when i was ttc.

So far I cannot tell you that anything gets any easier, I can only assure you you are not alone,
Sending love and healing to all the mothers-who-should-have-been
xxxxx


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