# 1st Failure ICSI



## confused123 (Aug 17, 2010)

Have been trying now for 5 1/2 years. had clomid  for 12 months (1 chemical pregnancy) Have been diagnosed with PCO, AMH 60 FSH 4 (male factor). 
Cycle ended last week because only 4 follicles the correct size and only 2 eggs retrieved and zero fertilization.  Consultant said it was due to low stimulation and that more drugs needed next time. WHERE HAVE MY EGGS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feeling a bit hopeless today, not sure how to pick myself up. Friends have been very supportive but sometimes lack of knowledge can lead to insensitive comments such as " WOULD YOU THINK OF ADOPTION"
I feel that other people have given up hope on me before I am ready to give up myself. Took some leaflets from clinic on how to cope with IVF failure and they suggested gardening or buying a dog, needless to say i do not feel these are useful suggestions. I do not think that people realize how all consuming IVF is. Truth is I am so afraid of spending the rest of my thirties chasing a dream that will not be mine. I also am not sure sure that I am ok with never having a family. All friends have 3/4 kids and I seem to spend a lot of energy being jealous and resentful of the life that is not mine. 
sorry for ranting need hope


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## Fordy girl (Jan 4, 2011)

Hi ya, 

I have just had my first ICSI cycle fail (I had a missed miscarriage). I am so sorry that you are feel so low at the moment. I really do feel the same as you by the sounds of it. I have had some really insensitive comments made and have just had to step away from the people who have made them for a while. I feel that people have given up on me and have chosen my brother, because he can have children. It is heartbreaking that people can behave like that. You really must not write yourself off, sorry for my language, but sod them, if they don't know what you are capable of then that's their problem. You can do this hun.   All of my friends have children and I also find it hard to think that I will always be the one that won't have kids. I hate them because they have what I want and it has been so easy for them. When I am having a more positive day, I think that I am stronger than they are because I am going through this, and that at the end of it, if it works, I will have a child that I will always do the best for because I had to fight for them. I have really bad ups and downs, but i think that is fairly normal. If you want to chat please message me, we can pick each other up. Vicki x


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## PhoenixRising (Jun 13, 2011)

today i had an emergency scan as i had been bleeding on and off since embryo transfer, the hospital kept saying as the pregnancy tests were positive there was still a chance of a baby. especially as i had 2 implanted. 
I miscarried. i should have been 6 weeks.
we dont seem to be prepapred for the loss of our baby the hospital gave my husband and i no real help into the possibilites of loss.
im finding it really hard to cope, all im doing is crying and i dont know what to do. i am meant to go back to work on tuesday but im a wreck at the moment, 
we had been so positive, we had done everything that was expected of us , when the test showed a positive, we were estatic,
what do i do now
all im being told is i can try again in 3 months xxxxxxx


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## karenb1973 (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi

Phoenix rising, your story echoes my own. 1 week ago today my miscarriage was confirmed. I lost the first embryo at 3 weeks and the second at 5 weeks.

That feeling of euphoria for a week of being a mum-to-be was like nothing I've ever known and now it has gone. 

This is the hardest thing ever isn't it.

I have no idea what to do, say or think positively right now.

Just be glad we have fantastic partners. My DH is my absolute rock.

Hoping for happier days ahead for us all.

Karen


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## PhoenixRising (Jun 13, 2011)

hiya guys 
3rd attempt 2 previous miscarriages one ivf 1 icsi this one is icsi too
i had a good 4 cell and a fantastic 8 cell impanted on day 3 
im on day 13 of egg transfer i had 2 embryos implanted, tomorrow is my test date, i did a test in the early hours of this morning, it was negative, i had lain awake worrying for 2 hours,
ive still had no spotting, no period symtoms no cramping, i dont know what to feel do or think. on the previous two i had a dull ache all the time the first tim i bled all the way thru the second time spotting, 
ive had really light headedness for a few days but thats about all. what are my chances 
love heidi x


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