# Terrible anxiety and depression for 25 years getting worse with ttc. Any one els



## snowangel (Sep 16, 2009)

I have suffered for so long. I battle through every day. I was blesses with de ivf son nearly 3 years ago. But since have had 4 more cycles. I feel my illness is getting worse. And every bfn or miscarriage tumbles me into blackness again.
Then I get scared I'm not fit to be a mother


Any one else ? Xxxx


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## mogscat (Aug 6, 2014)

Sorry you're feeling low, Snowangel. Sending you    and  

Please don't think that your feelings are a sign of unfitness to be a mother or of any weakness in yourself.  I'm sure they are a normal response to  your difficulties and losses in ttc.  

Personally I found CBT useful when I was suffering anxiety and depression, I got this via GP referral although sometimes you have to be persistent to get this.

Hope you find the support you deserve 
xxxxxx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

if you weren't fit to be a mother, you wouldn't be asking the question. For me, the fact you wonder if you are, means you are, since you are giving the situation your attention. Someone who wasn't fit to be a mother, wouldn't care.


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## Miss Sunshine22 (Mar 12, 2013)

Hi Snowangel,

You have been through so much in the past few years physically and emotionally  To suffer all those losses must be so hard, particularly when you've already got longstanding anxiety and depression. I can see from your signature, you have recently had another bfn. It is such a horrible blow when that happens   and the black hopelessness that comes over is all so normal. Please don't be scared about being fit to be a mother, as Goldbunny says, worrying about it means you are fit. Self doubts, guilt, and self criticism are so common when we're feeling depressed and anxious. You sound so low, I'm wondering what help you've sought from your GP?  Please go easy on yourself


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

I think it's great that you've recognised you're in trouble with this, alot of people don't have the insight or inclination to get help x


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## snowangel (Sep 16, 2009)

Thank you so much. 
My doctors have been wanting to fiddle with my medication for sometime now. However they don't want to while I'm still ttc. I don't get a minute a day release from it. My son is wonderful and knows nothing of my pain. But my poor husband does, I'm so exhausted with fighting my own head all day that the minute he comes home I've got to go to bed. This is very hard on him.


We desperately want another child, but I'm scared what if it pushes me too far what if I never recover. I got so depressed mentally I'll after having my son it was horrific 


I may well feel a bit better in a week or so, and just go back to my normal level of fighting it every day, I know there must be a come down drug element to it also at the moment.


I'm thinking of trying a new clinic newlife thesoloniki. It will hopefully give me a focus.


I'm just so glad that my son is donor egg so I know I haven't passed any of these horrible genes onto him. My life although perfect to look at is hell every minute to live. I look at happy smiling photos and know how bad I felt in every one. I feel I am ruining my husbands life. I was a fun party going girl when he met me. Now I can't go out except work or family things.


Sorry for the rant


Thanks so much for your words of support, I just want to be a wife and mother and just can't.


Xxxx


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Snowangel you must get yourself a priority with this tbh as you may well feel worse and more anxiety not treating it, do you have a diagnosis, bipolar or anything else?? It sounds utter hell that you are going through on a daily basis   and I'm sure you're husband and son love you very much and want to see you well, pls think about your health before pushing yourself to breaking point, is there no tx you can do with the meds safely??


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