# I'm sat in the toilets at work trying not to cry



## melbg (Jun 10, 2012)

Sorry for the whiny post, this pity party is open to allcomers if you want to join me in my misery today! 

I've been at work for an hour, already I've been asked if I want to look at a pic of the baby of the woman who made my working life a misery while she was pregnant (er no, I don't really like babies at the moment!) and had to listen to everyone in the office talking about a newborn adoption that is taking place next month (vulnerable relative giving up baby).
Why am I so sensitive today? It's just like any other work day in this respect. I've been full of the joys after a lovely weekend with dh and getting a positive opk which means we're transferring our frosties on Saturday (if one or both survive the thaw) and have been coping really well, so why the problems today? 

Just urgh... 
xx


----------



## Bumble Bus (Apr 23, 2013)

Sorry you're having a bad day......  

Take a deep breath and focus on that you will hopefully be PUPO in a week    

x


----------



## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

It's a rollercoaster lovely, I don't think that it does a nice long flat bit, it's all huge highs followed by massive lows.

The time between my positive OPK and my FET transfer was an emotional nightmare.  I felt that I was just not part of the process really, it was all out of my control and I really struggled with nerves and sensitivity to everything that was going on around me.

I know that some jobs just don't lend themselves but can you just take yourself out of it today?  I've spent so much time crying in work toilets, I wish that I had just been kinder on myself now because my job easily allowed me time out or working from home.

I really feel for you, I wish that I could give you a big hug right now xxx


----------



## melbg (Jun 10, 2012)

Thanks for replying bumble bus, you're right I need to focus on this coming weekend and all being well having the 2 embies back with me on Saturday. Dh answered my text by saying our embies need me to be happy so not to let work situations upset me, he's quite the sweetie sometimes lol

Molly, running off to hide in the toilets has been sanctioned by my manager if the situation stresses me out, that's as good as it gets though. It helps in the moment to take myself out of the office to calm down and get myself together. 
You're right, it is an evil rollercoaster we're on. I hope things are getting better for you too, I was sorry to read about your dh. My dh normally turns to alcohol when he senses I need to talk and creates an argument that way, it would be easier if they just talked things out like we need to.

I've picked myself up since earlier, but then the baby related conversations have given way to the usual boring office chat. Just waiting to hear back from the clinic now when to start the cyclogest and when they want us in on Saturday, then I can rearrange my acu session. I'll settle for the rest of the day being like this.

Thank you for responding this morning ladies, it helps a lot. Xx


----------



## MrsE17 (Feb 21, 2014)

I just wanted to send a hug and sympathy your way. 
I know this feeling too well and just when you think you can pick yourself up suddenly you are further down than before. 
Your DH sounds so sweet and has a really good point. Think of your embies to keep you going. Good luck xxx


----------



## melbg (Jun 10, 2012)

Thanks MrsE17. It is good that there are people to share these feelings with on ff, it really helps to know you're not alone (as much as I wouldn't wish this on anyone). 

I have perked up now, had a good afternoon. Transfer is Friday all being well so starting the cyclogest tonight! Hot, stuffy night ahead and I've to take a double dose to get going lol
xx


----------



## Grinny (Jun 6, 2014)

Mel and ladies - completely empathise. 

I am having the worst time ever at work and home ATM wih babies and pregnancies, since my miscarriage and infertility problems 13 people have announced pregnancies. Some close friends and four work colleagues, I'm presently having to endure constant mindless baby / pregnancy talk. 

It's almost unbearable. 

Coupled with my own what seems to be almost debilitating anxiety ATM - I keep spinning myself out with every eventuality as my consultant has told us to wander off and try again naturally after surgery and miscarraiges. 

But I need pessaries if I conceive and then there are no gaurentees. 

Argh! I'm so stressed out and sad and angry and hurt. It's the worst thing ever this process. I just don't know how much more I can take, x


----------



## melbg (Jun 10, 2012)

Grinny! I'm glad you found your way here. 
I'm so sorry you are in this situation and for your losses. This is ultimately one of the toughest things we'll ever have to go through. Just know that we are here for you too, ff is amazing with the loveliest people to pick you up when you are down. 

I don't have any magical advice, you can see how I was struggling yesterday morning but thankfully it didn't last long. I've found that having a plan helps. Has the Dr said how long you are to try naturally again? Can you put a limit on it, say 3 or 6 months at which time you have a concrete plan to move forward? I have a little spreadsheet with all our test results and responses to meds, with a costings page for ivf at a few clinics overseas should this fet not work, that way I have everything to hand and can plan our next steps quickly as a way to pull us forwards.

I've been hearing lots of good things about mindfulness to help with anxiety, my natural health clinic runs short courses. It's not for everybody but might be worth a look?

I hope you have a better day today, and I'm a fine one to talk, but sometimes we need to find a way to tune out the conversations that hurt us and bring us down. I also confided in another colleague yesterday afternoon about the previous cycle and m/c in the hope that she'll mention it to some others and it will lead to a bit more sensitivity lol I can dream! 
Big hugs everyone xx


----------



## sickofwaiting (Jan 31, 2013)

I really sympathise with you all. I used to spend about 50% of my time at work crying in the toilet! It's horrible. It's just so so hard to listen to all of that and pretend you're fine. People really have no idea (( Can you wear headphones? I used to work in publishing which was v relaxed so I could have my headphones in and go into a little world of my own, that helped a bit. I also told one of my work colleagues which was a massive weight off having someone to talk to when I was away from hubby. i know i am lucky in that respect though that I had someone to confide in. I actually have since left my job because I couldn't take it anymore I was on the verge of a breakdown commuting 4 hours a day and crying most days in the loo and trying to navigate the NHS referral process and deal with the emotional side of infertility. It just got too much. Hugs to you all, like someone else said this truly is one of the hardest things we will ever have to go through. xx


----------



## Gwen A (Mar 19, 2014)

Bit late to the party (as always) but everybody, and I mean everybody (even Will and Kate) announced babies in one way or another on a day my period arrived. I had to apologise to one work friend who brought baby in to meet everyone on such a day and I ended up giving her a filthy look and ignoring her for the day. When I did apologise she gave me her daughter to hug and promised me that baby took a liking to me that she never did, and wished me luck for the future. No advice, just that it happens, things go back to normal and the people worth knowing understand.


----------

