# Man 'too fat' to adpot



## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

SO what do you think??

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/21/20090112/tuk-man-is-too-fat-to-adopt-6323e80.html

Natalie xxx
/links


----------



## levin (Jan 9, 2006)

I completely agree with Katie, how ridiculous to stop this couple adopting just because he is overweight - there are so many children out there in need of a loving family and this couple look like they would be a very loving family, i mean the wife is a nanny so she must love kids and be good at looking after them.
Obviously there are certain risks that come with being overweight - heart disease etc, but anyone can have health problems not just overweight people. Unfortunately my best friend lost her husband a few years ago due to an undiagnosed heart problem - he was extremely skinny, not an ounce of fat on him, he died suddenly leaving her with an 11 month old and 16 weeks pregnant. What i'm trying to say is that anyone could succumb to an illness at anytime not just someone who is overweight so it seems like a ridiculous criteria to judge someone on.

Love Leanne x


----------



## roze (Mar 20, 2004)

I suppose they have still given him some options- he needs to get down to a BMI of under 40 ie not morbidly obese before they will consider him. Thats a lot better than my local authority who said they would not accept someone with a BMI of 32 ie me,  I can see their point to be honest as being overweight increase a number of statistical health risks however weight and BMI alone are not the only indicators of good and poor health so everything should be considered in the round ( no pun intended). 

I do recall reading about Dawn French and Lenny Henry as they were both required to shed some weight before adoption.

I hope this gentleman manages to shed a few pounds and get on the adoption list, as they look a great couple and would make wonderful parents no doubt.

roze


----------



## Guest (Jan 12, 2009)

Agreed - it does seem silly not to assess the most important qualities of future parents - love, trust, honesty, security etc. However I would say to this poor man, the system is not going to change in the time you want to become a dad so I'm afraid it's a case of biting the bullet and doing what is needed.  Not losing weight or having a child? - it's a no brainer to me - surely the latter is way more impt and he'd do anything if needs be to get his dream? Sadly we can't change beaurocracy (eg I'd like all UK IVF clinics to be as good as the top ones in the world but they aren't and won't be for a good while yet due - to our useless regulation system - I suspect, so in the meantime we all just do what we can....)

xxx


----------



## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

for those of us who do adopt this is so common its strange that it keeps coming up in the news  

when you attend info evenings it is fairly clear that you have to be in good health to adopt - and that includes a healthy BMI. Seemed fairly obvious to me and dh  

it is not social workers or the government being difficult - it is about protecting children full stop. adopted children have gone through a huge loss in loosing their parents whether at birth or later and by saying adopters have to be in good health this reduces the risk of another loss through the death of an adopted parent. i know there are always stories of 'so and so died and was in great health and not overweight' but by having a healthy BMI, not smoking, drinking in moderation, eating 5 a day etc etc the risks of early death are most reduced - and so they should be when becoming a parent to a birth or adopted child. 

i know this sounds harsh but loosing weight will be one of the easier tasks that he will be required to do as an adopter - it is not for the faint-hearted. he would be better off just getting on with lowering his BMI that moaning to the press    

ritz


----------



## Guest (Jan 12, 2009)

I agree that being morbidly obese should be taken into consideration but like othersa say other factors should also come into the equation!

Things aren't going to change if people just get on with what has always been... And as much as we don't like it the press can be a powerful tool in supporting that.

I think he should fight for what he believes in and I wish them lots of luck

X


----------



## ebonie (Apr 17, 2007)

I think he should fight in what he believes in as well and it is appalling the way he is being treated and other people like him,So long as he passed the medical required then i see no problem,
Adoption is a hard road to go down, But who are we to judge people on their size, so long as they can give a child a loving and stable home, 
I would love to say more on this subject but im afraid i will upset people who think differently to what i think!!


----------



## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

ritzi said:


> when you attend info evenings it is fairly clear that you have to be in good health to adopt - and that includes a healthy BMI. Seemed fairly obvious to me and dh
> 
> it is not social workers or the government being difficult - it is about protecting children full stop. adopted children have gone through a huge loss in loosing their parents whether at birth or later and by saying adopters have to be in good health this reduces the risk of another loss through the death of an adopted parent. i know there are always stories of 'so and so died and was in great health and not overweight' but by having a healthy BMI, not smoking, drinking in moderation, eating 5 a day etc etc the risks of early death are most reduced - and so they should be when becoming a parent to a birth or adopted child.
> 
> ...


Firstly I am not going to write all that I could as would probably get myself banned  
I totally disagree with the above comments! Loosing weight for everyone is not one of the easiest tasks to do for an adopter! Especially those like me with PCOS who will always struggle with my weight. I am checked regularly by my cons and GP and everything such as blood pressure/heart/liver etc is perfectly normal! Even when I was a few stone lighter my BMI never put me in the normal weight catergory! Dr's etc place too much emphasis on the magic BMI instead of looking at the bigger health picture of the person. 
There is a difference between being healthy and being a perfect weight and this is what social services need to be looking at instead of ruling anyone out who is heavier than they would like.

I wish the man well and hope he achieves his dream

x


----------



## ANonnyMouse (Jan 13, 2008)

I think Ritzi has made some sounds points. My inital reaction, and that of my DHs when he emailed me this story earlier, was the same - focus on losing the weight and getting down to the required BMI. Selling the story to the press will NOT change the rules however unfair you perceive them to be. If anything, it may put them in a worse light to SS.

Being a loving and healthy parent for the child must be paramount. None of us know whether he has any underlying medical conditions due to his weight. He may not, but he IS morbidly obese (that word alone sends shivers up my spine) and as such is at a greater risk for having many of those conditions.

This quote interested me:



> "It's hard to lose weight under pressure," he told BBC Radio 5 Live's Victoria Derbyshire programme.


Yes it is extremely hard. But fella, raising children is extremely hard too and sometimes you will be under _intense_ pressure but you owe it to them to be the very best you can be.

Ok, I've expressed an opinion which seems to be against the majority here...go on and shoot me down


----------



## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

suzie i'm pretty sure this man does not have PCOS!   

i agree that people should be looked at holistically in terms of their health while they are in the overweight BMI category. This man however has a BMI of 45.2 - not just overweight, or obese but MORBIDLY obese - keyword MORBIDLY. His risk of death is increased significantly - stroke, heart attack etc.......just because you can run around and kick a ball today does not mean that you won't have a heart attack or stroke tomorrow. The risk of type 2 diabetes, hypertension, colon cancer, arthritis, gall bladder disease, DVT are also heightened  - just loosing 10% of body weight can reduce these risks. 

The world health organisation says: A BMI in excess of 40 is called morbidly obese, meaning that weight is a real and imminent threat to health. Deaths from obesity are said to number 30,000 a year and cause 18 million days lost from work due to illness each year   30,000 deaths a year! its a pretty good reason to try to protect children from another loss. 

i think the LA are being more than fair actually - they have not asked him to be a healthy or perfect weight - they have only asked him to get a BMI under 40 - this is still in the obese category and the risks still apply. A BMI of 30 or less would be much better and i know some LA's ask for this. 

can you imagine if a child was placed with an adopter with this kind of BMI and they died soon after of disease - the SW's would be blamed, the media would probably jump on it and start asking questions about why a child was placed with an adopter with such a significant risk. The government is damned if they do and damned if they dont  

i too hope this man achieves his dreams - and would hope it starts with a lifestyle which can help reduce his BMI. one lady on an adoption website shed 10 stone in order to achieve her dream   it is possible i guess it just depends on how much you want it. 

ritz


----------



## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi

I havent read all your replies however my DH is about as big as this Guy and we have 2 children sleeping upstairs whom we have adopted

Yes he did get quizzed by our SW and her manager about his weight HOWEVER he has no health issues due to it, he has always been "big" and was in the Navy for 9years, they needed to see he would be a active parent who also wasnt going to die due to a "over weight health issue" anytime soon

xxx


----------



## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

ooh lots of divided opinions 

i can see both sides of the argument quite clearly but ultimately i'm on the LA's side..i think the LA are actually being quite generous..a BMI of even 40 is quite high, but they do have to have rules and cut off points, if they let him go ahead at BMI 42 then the next peron who came along who had BMI of 50 would like to be accepted too, so what would be the acceptable limit? i think Ritzi has said pretty much the rest of what i would have written. 
radio 5 live ran this story on monday and i actually texted in and then was asked to go live on air..the thing that got me was in the interview he sort of breezed over the fact that yes, he could die prematurely, but that as his wife was a nanny she would be quite capable of bringing up a child alone...well i dont actually think this is the point..the thought of my 2 little ones (adopted) losing one of us on top of the losses they have already had in their little lives sends a shiver down my spine (and i also speak as someone who lost a parent in their teens and it had a huge impact on my life) ok, we never know whats round the corner but the LA have a duty of care to these children..they are not there to provide infertile couples with children, they are there to find the best possible homes for children who may need an awful lot of input and support in their lives. 

kj x


----------



## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

my friend was worried that her weight my preclude her,she is morbidly obese (well over size 30 and about 5 ft 4) and with a back problem (needed spinal surgery after approval) and history of knee surgery due to weight, but they never mentioned it. Just shows that different LA do different things.
L x


----------



## Be Lucky (Mar 22, 2008)

Interesting how social services get hung up on these things.should b doin mor 2 protect all the poor children abused and murdered by their natural parents!bernie


----------



## loobylou713 (May 8, 2005)

I agree with Be Lucky. As for social services and adoption well my sw was on a power trip in the end we back out because of this. So 2 or 3 children who we wanted to adopt have now lost out on a loving couple who would of done anything for them.

Linda


----------



## Jo Macmillan (Mar 19, 2007)

Oh poo, I just lost a long post!

The jist was - I am a qualifed social worker, but I was turned down because of my lack of experience caring for children, would you believe. We had expressed our commitment to doing voluntary work to gain more experience, accepting that my theoretical knowledge and experience in social work is not the same as sustained, hands on experience. Like you Looby - we had a crap social worker who was totally incompetent and judgemental, which I suspect is why we were really turned down (and the fact that we made an official complaint about the social worker!) I no longer practice as a social worker as I now assess and train them, so I know what I'm talking about when I say he was really really incompetent and generally crap!

Be Lucky - I can totally understand your post about social services needing to focus on caring for children. I have felt utterly devaststed at the poor children such as Baby P who have been so let down by my profession. I feel ashamed to be a social worker. There is no excuse. I know from my work that there are serious changes that need to take place in safeguarding children's teams. Part of the problem, in my view, stems from The Children Act (1989) which places too much emphasis (in my humble opinion) on keeping children within their families. So often I find, when I'm assessing them in their practice, social workers losing sight of the child's needs, and focussing on the parents needs! 

I can see both sides of the argument regarding BMI and adoption. Like Ritzi says, social services have a duty to protect the child first and foremost (although admittedly it's difficult to accept that they are doing this effectively due to the high profile cases at the moment) and would be jumped on immediately if a case appeared in the media where an adopted child lost one of it's adoptive parents at an early age.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that it does feel like social services are damned if they do try to protect children (BMI issues) and damned if they don't (horrendous abuse cases such as Baby P). 

And, like there are crap and incompetent social workers, and very good ones, it's the same with most professions - how many of us know of fantastic docotrs and truly terrible ones. Writing this post has made me realise how important my job is to ensure that only competent social workers are allowed to qualify......

jo xxxx


----------



## Be Lucky (Mar 22, 2008)

Jo so u wer turned down 2 adopt caus u had no experience of workin with children.but most ppl tryin 2 adopt hav no experience of kids.that why thex adoptin!u couldnt make it up!ru applyin 2 other agencies.u sound a lovely.intelligent lady.good luck berniex


----------



## ANonnyMouse (Jan 13, 2008)

Great post Jo, from an informed perspective - nice and balanced.


----------



## Viva (May 16, 2005)

I am an adoptive parent to two children and an Intensive Care nurse by profession. I'm afraid that I am on the LA's side here, much though we could probably all share anecdotal(sp) stories the reality is that anyone who is morbidly obese (I'm not talking slightly overweight) or for that matter smokes or drinks more than the recommended weekly amount is putting their health at risk. I have seen people die in intensive care because they are overweight to this extent, they can be admitted with something that it totally recoverable but then succomb to complications as a result of their obesity. Furthermore should they require surgery for anything this would probably not happen until they had lost weight due to the risks of undergoing a general anaesthetic, if emergency surgery was required then they would be at significantly increased risks of not surviving.

I have battled my weight all of my life and have to watch what I eat very carefully as weight goes on very easily and it is very hard to lose, however for the majority of people if they eat a balanced healthy diet, don't drink too much and have no underlying health issues (such as PCOS) it would be entirely possible to acheive and maintain a BMI of 40 or less (which is what the LA is requesting). 

In my opinion when you make a decision to become parents you also make a decision to make sacrifices and when you adopt your consideration for your children is inevitably greater as you are helping them to deal with so much loss and trauma in their lives already. To rather flippently say that if he died then his wife could look after the children on her own, shows that he is yet to fully understand the impact of loss on children. My blood runs cold at the thought of having support my children if they were to lose their Dad, practically no problem to deal with their emotions and loss a totally different matter.

The biggest issue here really is the lack of parity between LA's in the same way that IVF treatment is not a level playing field from one health authority to another. 

I may be being a little contentious but I hope I haven't offended anyone.

Viva
X


----------



## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

well said Viva 

kj x


----------



## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi,

I have enjoyed reading this debate and everyones different view points so wont add much, my friend was turned down for adoption due to her weight and she refused to even try and lose any yet she desperately wanted children? I could never understand this although never said anything as didnt want to upset her, I think if you want something badly enough you will try your hardest to achieve it even if it means sometimes going against something you believe in.

I too have pcos and have struggled with my weight over the years I have been a size 20 and 14 stone and at 5ft 4 meant my bmi was probably in the obese category, I now weigh 9.5 stones have a bmi of 22 and am training for the London Marathon one of my lifelong ambitions and I am determined to do  it! I find with pcos the healthier weight you become your pcos symptoms can improve I know this can vary from person to person. This guy would probably feel a lot better even if he lost a little weight.

Its a difficult one but I think on this occasion I am leaning more to the social workers viewpoint.

Dawny


----------



## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Well done Dawny on your weight loss and not easy with PCOS! The best I've been able to manage over the last few years is a BMI of 25-27 and that's not been entirely easy!
All the best for the Marathon!
Viva
X


----------



## Junnie (May 17, 2008)

I too had to shed some pounds for IVF I have PCOS... and honestly i went to every specialist etc to help me get my weight down!

I found somethin that worked for me (and didnt cause me to take magic pills and have liquid dreams!) Honestly a BMI over 40 is REALLY scary and hard to imagine That would mean me at 5'8 would have to weigh 270 lbs! 

The docs are just trying to make him be a lil more healthy whats the issue with that? If he was a smack head user junkie he would be turned down too! -- and i doubt radio 5 live would even entertain the idea of doing a show about him then.

As long as its done correctly and its not harming him (and lets face it when we all loose a lil weight it makes us feel good and does us some good) then i say loose the weight prove the adoption people wrong get back in there and get yourself a baby!

These lil angels are already in the system... god forbid something happend to one of their adoptive parents imagine how these wee things would react?


----------



## rosebud_05_99 (Apr 15, 2008)

gosh ,,it must be great to think you are GOD and judge overweight people , as i have pcos and am obese I would not be allowed to adopt, how pathetic. its totally discriminating. should smokers not be allowed to adopt or anyone who takes a drink ect i could go on for days. its all about how pathetic skinny people are obsessed with being thin and their looks and cant understand how anyone overweight can be happy. Im sick to death of this attitude and they need to get a life and not skip about in glee when overweight people are picked on and discriminated by these so called social workers.

point made

rosebud


----------



## loobylou713 (May 8, 2005)

Well said Rosebud.

Does a skinny person have no illness then? my step mother has high colesterol she's thin. I am fat and mine is in normal range wonder who is in the heart attack range here.


linda
xxx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Rosebud

I too have PCOS and am over weight however i am a mummy via adoption- it seems to be each adoption unit chooses if your "suitable" or not- we are lucky that ours knows we are able to look after our children

I do understand that being over weight does affect your health maybe not know however in the long run however like has been said health issues can arise from anyone skinny or over weight

xxxxx


----------



## swhattie (Feb 9, 2009)

This couple are doing a feature in one of the weekly mags 'thats life' or something, they are going to do like a weight loss thing everyweek to show that they are losing weight - I wish them all the luck in the world, they have a lot to offer.


----------



## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7912325.stm

update about the couple 

xx

/links


----------



## Be Lucky (Mar 22, 2008)

Think this couple are on this morning.they are lovely berniex


----------



## vickym1984 (Jan 29, 2009)

Rosebud, I am going to have to respectively disagree with what you have said. They do look at the whole picture of health, so if it is a skinny person who has really bad cholestrol, they are likely to be told to go on a plan/tablets to lower their cholestreol before they adopt, similarly, being obese (the cut of is about BMI 30) does significantly increase your risk of heart disease and many cancers, so it's not about looking skinny, it is about being healthy, 

And I am saying this as someone who sicne October 1st last lear has lowered their weight by 40 lbs and decreased my BMI from 41 (morbidly obese) to 34. I also have PCOS, and have done this by myself (well with the help of weight watchers)

So it can be done, even with PCOS


----------



## chocolate_teapot (Sep 10, 2008)

I think they were on a reality prog too a few years ago: The Spa of Embarrassing Illnesses - did anyone else see it?

http://www.thedubbingtheatre.tv/image//images/33.jpg


----------

