# About to start treatment Jan 2007



## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi everyone - Hope it's OK to start a new thread but it is a new year !!! Hope it's a happy and positive one for us all  . I am about to start my first cycle of IVF at Halifax/Manchester Care for the EC on Thursday and I wondered if there were any other ladies out there also about to start that I could exchange messages with...I know some of you ladies are very experienced in these processes and I would welcome some support/advice or someone to bounce questions/ideas/thoughts off...
I feel a mixture of excitement and fear at this stage - I hope the scan on Thursday will mean it's OK for me to start - they've prescribed me Buserelin injections to down regulate and then Gonal F later on in big doses it would seem judging by the cost of the prescription.      
There's still quite a bit of my thoughts which are taken up with struggling with the fact that it would seem necessary for us to go down this route and if it doesn't sound awful which I'm sure it does the burden of the expense as we are self funding ...but it would seem to be the case and it's very important to my Husband & I. We've been trying for a year and I am now 41 so IVF was recommended - I keep wishing I was 5 years younger and I feel a horrible envy for those who just say - "oh we'll start trying for our second this new year"   as if it is guaranteed to happen which it probably is and I wish it had been so easy for us...still I know that you ladies understand how I feel so i won't dwell on it too much and I'll try to devote positive energy to what is to come..If there is anyone else about to start I'd love to hear from you  
Goldielocks


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi
Just wanted to wish you all the best for Thursday, and hope everything goes well for you.
There are a few of us on here, so please ask away if and when needed  

Hoping this year brings you your dream  

Love Jo
x x x


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## BBpiglet7 (Dec 16, 2006)

Hi Goldielocks   

I'm 40, DH soon to be 41. I have 3 teenaged sons from a previous marriage but he has no children. We're doing our 2nd cycle of IVF as we speak, using my half sister as a donor as my eggs are no good (FSH 19)

I've been taking Buserelin for a while and have now reduced the dose and started Progynova. All I have to concentrate on is my lining, and lil sis has to concentrate on her follicles! We had to abandon the first cycle as she didn't repong too well to stimms, but hopefully things will be better this time. We plan to have ec on 24th and et on 26th, all being well, but time will tell.

I hope your scan goes well on Thursday ( be warned that it may be an internal scan - i thought it was a squirt of jelly on the tummy!) , and yes, its flamming expensive, isn't it?   , but worth it in the end  

Good luck ,and let me know how you get on


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Nice to hear from you ladies...Thank you for your good wishes Jo - I'm ready to go to the hospital tomorrow to see what they say about me   So pleased to hear of your wonderful opportunity to have a baby - good luck with it all
Thanks too for your message BBpiglet...and also pleased to hear that things are going well with your current cycle with your sisters help - how fantastic - the 24th will be here before you know it
I'm prepared for it to be an internal scan tomorrow - I've had a few before in the run up to now/test etc  and I suppose it's getting a bit easier to do - as you say you have to look towards your goal don't you when faced with things that could be depressing or negative 
I will keep you posted...how have you found the Buserelin ?? Any side effects ?? 
Bye for now - off to watch the rest of Desparate housewives !!!  
Goldielocks


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi ,
I am 40 and DH is 43. I am starting IVF 2 at the end of JAN. first one was BFN , I have adenomyosis so problems with implantation.
I wish you the best for your treatment. Drugs are indeed so expensive. My first was NHS ( very lucky). In my GP practice, there is an understanding with our PCT that every couple can have drugs paid once by the practice ( NHS) irrespective of age, and even if IVF before private or NHS. So although my second IVF is private , I will get the drugs though my GP , this time. 
It depends of the PCT and the practice too. Maybe it is worth if you ask your GP about it? 
I found IVF to be a rollercoaster , and sometimes I have been excited other times a bit down as my hormones were everywhere ( very normal).  But during all this time I found this site very helpful. 
Are you starting a short protocole or a long one? 
Sending you lots of  
Future mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi Future mummy Thanks for your post and the advice - I hope that your second treatment will prove positive and I wish you well   
I feel like I'm just feeling my way with the whole process really - I haven't been to discuss funding for drugs with my GP and perhaps I should - I've seen that a few other people have managed to get funding for 1 lot of drugs when you are self funding... 
I don't know whether I'm down for the long or short protocol   I'm hoping they will tell me more about what will happen tomorrow...  I've got the Buserelin injections to start but haven't got the other drugs yet - there looks to be a weeks worth of Gonal F on the prescription
Am nervous about starting - I think my husband thinks the injections are going to turn me into a psycho !!! I'm bad enough with PMT so I probably will be unbearable !!! I'd better get strapped in for that roller coaster ride  
Will let you know how it goes this morning 

Goldielocks


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Goldielocks,
Good luck with the injections. If it proves difficult, you can buy some emla cream from boots. It is a local anesthetics and you put some on your thighs or tummy 30 mns before , andthen you feel nothing when you inject. Helped me at begining. 
Got thetip from a nurse. 
Future Mummy,


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## BBpiglet7 (Dec 16, 2006)

Hello - hows the jabbing going? Another tip, if you find it itches afterwards, a witch hazel stick rubbed on the spot may help. I needed one last time but haven't itched at all this time -  weird. As for symptoms, I have to confess I have been very tearful, emotional and downright horrible to poor DH (on Xmas day too, poor man didn't know what was going on) but since the dosage has been reduced and the Progynova has started, I'm much better, although still slightly dodgy, so I'm not sure if I'm just getting a bit stressed generally as its all getting a bit nearer, or whether its still the jabs. I've also become wider around the middle too, which I did last time also, and I found that a bit depressing when I looked awful in what used to be nice clothes! This was mentioned on another thread by someone, and I was so glad it wasn't just me. During my last cycle, I looked as if I was expecting, none of my jeans fitted me and I had to wear baggy tracksuit bottoms, or maternity jeans, for goodness sake!! 
Hope all is well with you all


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## pinkflamingo (Nov 21, 2006)

Hi Goldilocks

We have our first appointment at Marques next Tuesday in Barcelona.  We are new to the IVF thing having been trying for 2 years (some on Clomid) and having no success.  Our GP said my eggs were "too old" and there would not be many of them left due to my age (now 44).  Have had my sterilisation reversed and a scan of tubes - so we know the "old" body is ok but obviously not my eggs!  We have decided on one last ditch attempt and will have said we can afford to fund 3 goes at IVF and thats it.  We will be using donor eggs and pick up what information we can on the forums regarding treatments etc.

I think sometimes it does get a little difficult to understand all the abbreviations and terminology though on the forums for us newbies.

Good luck


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

BBpiglet, witch Hazel stick: will try.
Pinkflamingo:good luck with your treatment in sunny spain. 
Goldilocks : how is it going?
Future Mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi Guys Thanks so much for thinking of me today and for your words of advice ( FM and Piglet - thanks for the tips re the injections - will definitely try one or the other ...and also for the info re side effects ..more later ) 
Pink Flamingo - nice to hear from you too - Please keep us posted re your appointment next week - sounds very positive
Well - I've begun.. gulp...went for scan this am with rather fierce clinic sister whom I hadn't met before - preferred the previous ladies who'd scanned me.. who seemed more friendly and reassuring - but in fairness she was informative and professional.. it looks like I've ovulated so I had my first injection of Buserelin 300units and then went for some blood tests before coming home - it was very quick really ...felt OK most of the day and had arranged to meet a friend for coffee with her 6/12 old little girl in the afternoon which I could have coped with but then we bumped into another lady we both know with her toddler and she's 21 weeks pregnant and she joined us as well so guess what the conversation involved...  I have been doing better coping with other people's fertility but on the first day of my treatment when I got home I felt a bit upset...aarrrggghhhh - so hate feeling that way....  
Anyway DH cheered me up when he got home...and said all the right things 
Have been having some lower pelvic pains and can't decide whether it's my period coming or something to do with the injection...feel slightly shaky as well but wonder if it's just in my mind....hope so...am going to go off to bed now and take a hot wheat bag with me to see if that helps...
I've got an appointment to go back on the 22/1 with possible EC the week after if I respond so presumably that is the short protocol - starting to worry about how I am going to communicate to my work about the time I need off without letting them know what's going on because I work in health care and I really don't want people to know   
Am aware that I need to be minimising stresses and being positive - will try and knowing there are people out there who understand helps 
Hope you guys are all well 
Bye 4 Now 
 Goldielocks


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hello again everyone Hope you've all had a good weekend - I've just had my 4th injection and it's starting to feel a bit more normal in my daily routine although BBpiglet you were right it does itch like mad !!! No real side effects so far although i did have a prickly flush 2 nights ago, also feel mega premenstrual  - like I will burst   AF please come - never thought I'd be saying that!!!  
pinkflamingo - hope your appointment goes well on Tuesday 
bbpiglet - hope you and your sister are well..where will you be having the ec ?? 
future mummy - won't be long before you start...
Going back to work tomorrow after NY week off- trying to work out a way to let my boss know I have to have some time off at the end of Jan/beg Feb without telling her my business - any ideas gratefully received 
Let me know how it's going if you can 
Goldielocks


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi Goldilocks, 

I will be starting my treatment later this month for the first time. Depending on when AF comes, I should start D/R approx 20th Jan. Not being an expert in these matters, you must on day 4 of stimming? So you are miles ahead of me. I think my protocol is the long one. 

I totally understand your dilemma regarding how to tell work about requiring time off.  I am in the same boat (having sleepless nights) ie as yet I haven't decided how I will explain my frequent visits to the hospital for scans and bloods. To top it off my boss is male and nosey.  My treatment has come at the worst time, my work is being reorganised in two months. I really didn't want my time off to be public and to possibly disadvantage me IE she is trying to get pregnant so we might as well make her redundant saves maternity leave etc. I know companies are not allowed to do this but you never know. 

My plan is, two weeks before time off to start having imaginary illness. Something along the line of...........................................................................................................................

Inform my boss I have just started on some new medication (which will be true) but I am having problems adjusting to them.  I will make sure I go into work each day but make sure my boss knows I am not feeling well. (which will be true D/R and stimming!)

After that I will make an appointment to visit my doctor and on my returm inform my boss that I have few hospital appointments for blood tests (which will true) and will make up time. ie work through lunch , work longer hours or start earlier. 

At the appointed time say for EC I will either take holiday or go sick and say I had to have a small procedure and self cert. 

My plan does sound complicated, but hopefully it will work. 

The annoying thing is it shouldnt be like this for us with IF issues.


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi ladydee 
No you're right it shouldn't be like this for us at all and yet leave for IVF does seem to be complicated  
One of my issues is that it's just so personal to me I couldn't bear the thought of people I don't really know knowing about my deeply emotional matters and maybe even making judgements about me plus the fact I don't think they would understand anyway - my boss is a few years older than me, works part time and has 3 kids, I think IVF stuff would be pretty alien to her  
She's a bit of a gossip as well and I'm not sure I could trust her to be confidential - we work in a small team  
Plus the fact if it wasn't successful ( sorry negative thinking ) this time I couldn't bear people to know... 
Your plan sounds complex but I suppose at the end of the day you have to do what you feel comfortable with...
I am trying to dECide between going off sick on the day of ec for a few days or saying a couple of weeks in advance that I have to go and have a gynae procedure - problem being that I can't say until nearer the time exactly which day due to scans/results etc which makes it look a bit suspect if it is a prearranged thing....aaaarrrrrgggghhhhh  
Think I will sleep on it - still only on day 4 after all...
I'm not stimming yet I'm deregging but with injections not the spray - I'm a total novice at this and I'm playing it one day at a time  
Hope you get to start soon


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

I would go for the sick on the day and after 3 days off sick, call to say you need a small gynae procedure. You may have to ask your GP to sign you off work if it is more than a week, but I think you can, as if you feel unwell then you need to rest and god knows EC and hormones can do that. The company may request a GP form after 5 working days but it won't say anything detailed. Just what you are suffering about. i.e gynae pain, bleeding... they don't need more.
Or you can say after the first 2 days of gastric flu that it is not just awful abdominal crmps you are getting but you have now developped fever, so you need some extra days. if you go back to work on second week of 2ww, then they will see how tired you are anyway. 
Your GP may even sign you off for 2 weeks if he feels that you are really having pain after ec and drugs . 
So plenty of possibilities. Don't stress about it, by the time you have had ec and et , you will be so tired that you won't feel you are lying when you call your boss to say you don't feel well. Not that you will feel sick, ( I was personnally having very bad abdominal pain and was so bloated and even got a bit of colitis with the pessaries) but definetely tired with the drugs. 

Or if you have holidays left , you can also say you are taking a week off and then call on last day of hols saying you have a lot of abdominal pain after something you ate and you need to rest for a few days.
Anyway, everything will be fine , you'll see. 
Future Mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hello future mummy and everyone 
Day 6 of d/regging - think I'm feeling rather tired and emotional in the true sense of the phrase...A full day at work left me feeling really exhausted yesterday..anyway, I did get to mention to my boss that I would need a few days at the end of the month for a gynae procedure - she was OK about it especially seeing as I said I couldn't say exactly what day it be..I'm not sure of she suspected or not...probably not...she was a little uncomfortable about it but perhaps everyone is the moment you mention "gynae" to them. Anyway I  have decided I need to be ultra selfish about what i need at the moment and try not to worry about how it impacts on others...  
Hope you're all well


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## anjela (Aug 25, 2006)

Hi goldielocks
Good luck with your first cycle....
the doctors really **** make me mad when they say 'old'  at age of 40 we have at least 2000 eggs left and they are not all bad! my gran had my mum at the age of 45!!! my mothers words of encouragement are that if a woman has her time meaning periods she is still capable of having children.
It is all luck and a lottery.  So good luck to all those who have proved them wrong and will keep proving them wrong we are all different.


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Thanks Anjela   for your good wishes and yes I entirely agree I don't think 41 is too old - My Gran had my youngest Uncle when she was 45 too - I think maybe in my mind because of that fact I never really thought too much about babies and my age 
( even though I didn't have a partner anyway ) because of that fact and it was a shock when I started doing a  bit of research and saw the stats about fertility over 40...   I'd never really given my age much thought before - in fact being thirty was more of an issue than turning 40 
Anyway - must look forward and not back - just got a hypnotherapy CD about positive thinking and being relaxed so am going to try that tonight after my jab 
Hope everyone else is well - BBpiglet, future mummy, ladydee, pink flamingo ( hope your appointment went well ) 
Anjela are you having treatment at the moment - if so good luck !!!


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi Goldilocks,
I have my drugs since yesterday and start IVF 2 end of next week when period appears. 
Can't wait . We are trying to go for blastocysts stage with short protocole so it will be hard work but let's hope it works.
We are going to have EC and ET same month probably,you and I, in Feb? 
Sounds like you did well with the Gynae procedure, when talking to your boss. 
Actually they are so embarassed to talk of such intimate things especially men ( let's face it they hate even the word) that they are too afraid to ask about it again or ask questions or dare say no in case you are really having a life or death procedure. Excellent goldielock!
Hello to everybody else!
Future Mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi Future Mummy
Good to hear that you are starting soon - yes I think we will be heading for EC at the same time - I am on the long protocol it would seem..Which drugs have you been prescribed ??  
Day 7 tomorrow...hope period comes soon although I don't feel quite as premenstrual and bloated as i did yesterday...Just want everything to be going according to plan and not messing up the "schedule" 
My boss is a lady - I'm sure it is indeed easier to give less info to men - ladies ( especially my boss ) are more tuned in to such matters but even so she didn't ask too much about it thank goodness.    I think if I have to go again though later in the year I will just go off sick - however must think positively...
I've posted on the cycle buddies board Jan/Feb as well as here but there are so many ladies there I can't keep track of them all but they all seem very nice and positive which is good 
That's what we all need    
Better go to bed now Sleep well everyone


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hello everyone  
Hope you're all surviving the wild and windy weather and feeling   
two bits of good news today - AF started which for the first time in ages seemed like a good thing ie all is happening as supposed to and I got a quote for my stimming drugs from ADS for £474 which sounds a lot less than my local hospital pharmacy were quoting ( at least double )  
Hurrah !!! So at least we'll be able to eat for the rest of the month... 
Ladydee - I saw your post about your helpful relaxation download - sounded good
I recently got a CD about positive thinking and relaxation which I have only listened to a couple of times so far but think is brilliant...  
I can give you the link if you like - I ordered it Friday and it came Tuesday so I think that was pretty rapid -there seems to be quite a lot of that sort of thing available on the web if you search  
I'm sure you're getting excited about starting soon and future mummy too
How did your appt go pinkflamingo??
and how's everything going BBpiglet??
Bye for now


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Goldielocks, 

Good news on Aunty Flo starting, you are doing well. How have you been feeling with all the medication? Thats one of my concerns. 

This IVF is quite a journey but you have the right attitude to take one day at a time. 

Hopefully I will be starting d/regging in 13 days. I still have a few hurdles to cross before I can start, ie bloods and dummy ET/Hycosy. I just found out I have to redo some bloods tomorrow but I am thinking positive ie the lab messed up.  My next appointment is on Tuesday, when I should get the final go ahead to start. 

I think I will be on Superfract and Menopur, are you on these? Do ADS I assume (Applied Dispensary services) have a website. Did your clinic recommend them?  Do you have a contact number for them.  I will get my prescription and dosage on Tuesday (so will have a few days to search around for the best price)

Have a good evening


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi Ladydee
Thanks for your message - glad you are OK and preparing for starting - it will all be fine I'm sure...the things like bloods and test ET's are routine - I had that done a few appts ago and found it OK or as OK as being in that position can possibly be although I am getting used to the world and his wife seeing me from that angle..  
I am downregging with Buserelin which is Suprecur - same as Suprefact I think but they're giving me Gonal F to stimulate whereas you have been prescribed Menopur which is slightly different but does the same job ( it's cheaper as well I think !!! )  I was given a hospital script although I am a fee paying patient so they weren't really giving me any choice about where to get the drugs which did kind of annoy me a lot..The "Where to buy cheap drugs thread" in the General IVF section suggested Applied Dispensing Services and I was pleased with their quote plus they accept the hospital script OK ...so it's definitely worth talking to them. there's no website but they were really pleasant and helpful on the phone. 
Telephone number is 0870 333 2867. You have to send them the script first and then pay over the phone I think 
The thread might suggest some other places for Menopur though - might be worth checking that first. As you say you've got time  
Day 9 d/r today - the time is definitely passing quite quickly  
I have felt OK with the Suprecur - the first or second day I felt a prickly flush but not much since - mood has been OK until yesterday when AF started when I was definitely crabby with my DH and also felt more negative than I had previously...I really wish it wasn't so difficult sometimes to hear about other people's kids/babies/pregnancies and unproblematic fertility   Hopefully it's just AF type emotional stuff 
Am hoping that my CD will help keep my thoughts on track   
Keep in touch


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Goldielocks

Thanks for the number. I will call next week after I get the prescription. 

You were right, the bloods were not major, the lab lost a vial of blood. So one hurdle crossed.

Don't worry about feeling crabby it is normal this is one of the side effect of d/regging.

Don't beat yourself up about finding it difficult when hearing about others. It is normal for anyone with IF to feel like this. I went through the same process all my friends have had one if not two in the time we have been getting or act together. My plan was to alienate my self from them and only see my friends who had no children but it didn't really work. One of DH best mates had a second a little girl in Oct and I have avoided seeing them, but on New Year day we went to see them. I felt so stressed going to see them but when we got there it was pleasant. I held the baby and made her laugh. It just made me realise how broody I am and I hope this year is our turn.

Just to cheer you up, I have sent you some of my favourite affirmations from my Infertility MP3. Please say them at least once a day they have helped me to stay positive road now and again! (DH thinks I have lost the plot because I have stuck 10 affirmations on postix notes on the mirror in the bedroom.)

"I know there are times when I become frightened, angry, impatient, jealous sad, and I accept what I see as my inner truth of the moment"

"I know the more I can acknowledge what I feel without criticism or blame, is the more I can stay focus, strong and calm"

"More and more I can allow myself to let go of the worrying about things I cannot control and focus my attention on my own inner peacefulness"

"More and more I can let go of trying to make things happen and instead focus on the inviting them to come to me in their own way and time"

"More and more I understand that there are souls that are waiting to be placed in my keeping and it will happen in its own way and time" 

Have a super weekend, everything will be ok


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi all,

Goldielocks, to answer your question, I am on Gonal -F ( like Puregon) and orgalutran , and then ovitrelle short protocole. 
am waiting for period end of next week , to start injecting. 
Have a fab week end
Future Mummy


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Oops, I  forgot my manners and didn't say hello to all on the board (especially future mummy who I have PM'ed before). Apologise all, it just that my office was quiet so I thought I use the opportunity and do a quick post. 

Future Mummy, it looks like you will be cycling with Goldielocks lucky you. I will be EC/ET end of Feb (ish). I am not sure what protocol I will be using but will know more on Tuesday. 

BBpiglet7 - I hope your feeling better, you will feel emotional it is a side effect of the meds. The nurse warned us at my last appointment ie what to expect. Also, I hope your sister stimming is going well. You are so lucky to have a sister I wish I had one only 2 bro's. 

pinkflamingo- I hope your appointment at Marques went well. 

anjela - I totally agree the doctors do make me mad,  we are not old at 40 to have children.  Our bodies are like a river flow when we are young the river flows quickly and furiously but as we age the river flow slows down and is more still, however it can be made to flow faster again. 

Jo, hi to you (I promise I am not taking over your role I had FF withdrawal symptoms)

Good luck to all, this will be our year


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi guys 
A windy Saturday morning here - hope you are all well   
Thanks for your posts - it's good to hear what is happening for other people - I have been to the January/Feb cycle buddies thread but I feel a little old and quiet compared to some of the ladies there even though they are very nice 
Ladydee thanks for your positive affirmations - I will try and run through them and fix them in my mind - I've got something similar by a lady in the US called Laurie Morse who also takes people through visualisations as well - I sent for it a while ago when we were still trying au naturelle and I'd got a bit despondent - it was helpful but then we got caught up in the IVF process so it went by the by...there are some visualisations for before EC & ET as well that I should use though - if you like I could copy it for you and send it if you wish or for anyone else who wishes...no problem 
I am so pleased that your day with your friends and their baby was so positive - I know what you mean - my BIL, SIL their 4/12 old baby and 2 toddlers came to stay with us recently and I was dreading it - but I really enjoyed holding and being with the baby and it wasn't so difficult...the only problem afterwards was that it mad me feel sad to think I might never had my own baby to hold...  
But gotta stay positive     No point being glass is half empty woman. 
I do sometimes feel that I am surrounded by people with babies, or who are pregnant even though I know that this is not new - I probably was before I just never noticed - it's amazing how you tune into things ( and then can't tune out again ) 
Let's hope that this is our time to be Mum's  
Future Mummy - good to hear from you - Where are you getting your Gonal F from ?? Your regime is similar to mine except I seem to be on the long protocol with the down regging bit first...hope that it doesn't switch everything off permanently...my consultant never really mentioned different protocols to me...hope your AF comes soon and you can get going...   
Hi to everyone else that's posted here too...anjela, pinkflamingo ( how did it go? ) and BBpiglet
Have a good weekend all


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi All,

Goldielocks, I got my drugs NHS even though paying private for IVF. So got a private prescription from Hosp, went to GP who gave me an NHS one for the whole lot ( agreement between PCT and his practice), and then ordered it from pharmacy next to practice. Gonal F and orgalutran and ovitrelle nearly took a week  to get ordered. I received a phone call yesterday saying I could collect all this afternoon. 
The progesterone and antibiotics were easily available though. But girls if you order your drugs via a chemist outside the hosp or clinic where you have treatment it is a good idea to allow a week to ten days for collection. 
Future Mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi Future Mummy
Of course I remember your GP was helpful for you wasn't he/she...thanks for the advice re delivery times etc
I think it should be OK with ADS as they said that if they were in receipt of my script they could deliver the next day..I'm going to send it to them anyway at the beginning of the week...
Enjoy the rest of the weekend
we're going out for dinner tonight so I'm looking forward to that


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Have a lovely evening 
Future Mummy


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## BBpiglet7 (Dec 16, 2006)

Hello Everyone!    

I've been reading your news and was touched that you've asked after me, when I'm so [email protected] at keeping in touch  

My sis has been stimming for about a week and comes down on Tuesday to stay until the end of our treatment. We have her ec planned for 24th and my et on 26th, depending on how it all pans out of course.

Please forgive the lack of personals, but it takes me ages to get to grips with new folks, but remember that I'm thinking of you all and wish you all the very best year yet


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

A quick  from me
The time just goes by so quickly at the moment - maybe that's good 
Didn't have such a good weekend even with nice meal out on Saturday and good company 
Feel rather flat and depressed - hope it's the drugs and not me...  Just feel like a black cloud has engulfed me which is so not how I want to feel 
If anyone has any tips for coping with downregging depression I'd be grateful  - I need my sunshine back 
Good to hear from you BBpiglet and glad all is going as planned
Hope you had a nice weekend Furture Mummy - I 've seen you post on Jan/Feb Snowdrops too sometimes - I've tried a bit but can't keep up !!!  
Missed the IVF horror story programme tonight on Panorama as got the time wrong  
DH says it's just as well - maybe he's right 
ER tonight - hurrah !!! 
Scan is on Wednesday am at 08.20...early start then for me 
Bye for now


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi to everyone, 

Golidelocks, 
Sorry your feeling a bit flat, it is the drugs reducing your hormone levels, so I am sending you some cyber hugs.   . 

I know it is hard but do try to keep your spirits up. Have you been playing your CD? Although Ihaven'tt started yet, I have been playing mine daily. Also do remember that we are not perfect and there will be days when we feel a bit under.   
don't worry you are doing well, you are on the journey. I am petrified of starting mine also I am not past the starting post yet, I have another hurdle (blood count and the dummy ET). Thanks for offering me a copy of your CD, I am using Belleruth at the moment and thinks it is calm, soothing and fab. (keeping me sane). 

Goodluck with your baseline scan tommorrow, that means you can start stimming super news.  

By the way we are not "old" we are an Elite group ttc.


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hey Ladydee  
Thanks for your encouraging words and  It cheered me up and I like what you say about our elitism...This is indeed very true I feel  
Scan is Wednesday and yes it would be nice to be able to move to the next stage...there is an anxiety about whether things are "going to work" I feel with a first treatment...with every twinge I wonder if that is good or bad.... 
I'm pleased you will be starting soon to keep me company....
Have seen the furore about the panorama programme here and on the news  - not good - I don't need to hear anything negative about IVF at the moment - I'm sure a lot of people feel that way and how terrible for ladies in the middle of their treatment at that clinic...   
Off to bed soon - will play my CD in bed We need calm not furore !!! 
Talk again soon
Hi to everyone else especially the elite ttcers


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi Girls,
Goldielocks, sorry you feel a bit down. I am sure it is the drugs and it will soon get better. would nice chocolate help ( especially French one with some nuts in it?)  
Ladydee, your dummy ET will be fine. Not pleasant but not worse than a scan during IVF. Especially as you don't have to get a full bladder like in ET!

I saw Panorama tonight and nearly choke on my food. When I think I was hesitating between the ARCG and Hammersmith hospital, Glad I chose HH! I had heard a few things about the argc which were not positive but I was not prepared for what I heard tonight!

hello to everybody else,
Future Mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi ladies Hope you're all well and thanks for your comments/support  
Have been feeling nervous all day and can't work out if it's drug induced or just worry  
Going for scan in am and wondering what it will show especially as seem to have ovarian type grumbling pain  this evening which I haven't had before and I thought the downregging was supposed to switch everything off  
Don't think all this controversial stuff about IVF and the clinic in London is helping me much either...  Feel quite confused and upset but maybe that's due to my hormonal blockfest ...don't know because brain feels totally scrambled at the mo !!! 
Anyway - enough of me moaning...
Future Mummy and Ladydee any sign of   yet !!! I need some elite cycle buddies to join me...
Will let you know how the scan goes am.. hope I don't sleep in


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi Goldielocks,
I am sorry you feel a bit down.How did the scan go? 

Regarding Panorama, I have actually looked AT ARGC WEBSITE  and the interview is in full and it is less confusing and you can see that the editing of Panorama was not that good. Things were sometimes taken out of context. I did hesitate between ARGC and HH and chose HH because of price and not sure about NK cells issue and safety of extra drugs. 
However today I read the supplement of yesterday 's Independent and there is the story of a couple of ex ARGC patients and it is a bit scary, although the lady telling the story got a beautiful baby at the end.
I had heard that the ARGC could be a bit messy about coordinating appointments and the long hours waiting, and the handling of patients, but I was not aware about how bad it was, and I must say that after reading this article I am not sure anymore if I would go to ARGC should my next treatment not work. 
At the end f the day the lady did get her wish come through though. But not all of the girls did. Anyway you would need to read the article ( maybe you can get it on the Independent newspaper website?)
Has anybody read it?
Future Mummy


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi Eliters, 

Goldielocks how was your baseline scan?

I collected my blood result from my GP yesterday and everything was fine. I had my Dummy ET and Hy-cosy! they were a bit uncomfortable especially the Hy-cosy  which was horrible and so painful. Also the doctor (Mr transfer) freaked me out by saying at one point during the Hy-cosy "I am about to do the hard bit" which got me a little worked up to the point my blood pressure rose and I embarrassed myself by my swearing tourettes but I didn't say F*** word  . Mr transfer and the nurses laughed, they think I am slightly mad. They said they wished everyone would actually swear rather than holding it in.   After my outburst I think I may have to change clinics because I am sure everyone in the building heard.  

Anyway on a positive view, I with passed another set of tests and was given the go ahead to start next week.       

My protocol is Primulot tablets next week, then a week later start sniffing, then scans (when AF comes), then stimming. If everything goes to plan my EC will be in late Feb. (dependant on when my next AF comes and scans).

"Today is the day I worried myself to death about yesterday". It is now all systems go, I suppose I am looking forward to the treatment in a strange way (on the journey to fulfill our dream) but I am scared because it all seems so final no more tests or hurdles to start treatment.   .The next hurdle is to downreg,     . However, I will do as Goldielock take it one step at a time. 

DH is pleased we have the go ahead (our partners have it so easy). However, I do feel a little pressured, now it is all down to me. I was going to tell my boss about my treatment because it so hard to take time off but in view of the Argc fiasco I thought I will keep quiet. I feel so sorry for the patients at ARGC this must be so stressfull for them. 

Future Muumy, I read the article in yesterdays Independent. IMHO, it was a shame the journalist jumped on the bandwagon, if she wasnt happy she should have complained at a more appriopate time.

I cannot believe if this treatment is successful then we could have a baby by Xmas . I better start enjoying my lie-ins and being free just in case we hit the jackpot. Maybe me and DH should agree  how many years I can have off work  .  (The sad thing is I would have to be back in work after 6 months). Oops, I will stop my day dream, well it isn't is it, it is possibility for all of us. 

   

I still feeling a little odd, the antibiotics made my feel worse, so early to bed for me. I am such a wuss and cannot believe my pain threshold is so low and I want to have a baby, maybe I should try walking on hot goals to toughten myself up.


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hello Eliters  - totally think that is a good title for us  

Good  to read your posts - glad things are moving along Ladydee - sounds like you are ready to GO !!!  Sorry the hcosy ?? was uncomfortable - I'm sure you did brilliantly - I recall my HSG in October - ooooh it was painful - I had tears in my eyes and I'm pretty tough... 
You're right about our partners - much as I love my DH I do feel he's pretty removed from it all - he's supportive but he has no idea about what it's like to be in the thick of injection-hormonal-scan-legs-in-the-air-land - he feels badly done to because he has to produce a sample on demand and feels "under pressure"    

One day at a time is definitely the way to go and although this site is great; trying not to compare your self to others here - everyone's circumstances are slightly different 

FM - haven't read through all the ARGC stuff - I'm sure it was sensationally edited as these things always are but if he didn't have a proper license then I suppose there's no excuse for that really and as for all the new immune treatments, I know nothing about those anyway and don't need more stuff to panic about 

Well...back to today...didn't go quite to plan - ovarian rebellion I'm afraid  - so much for eliters having ovaries near to retirement - mine are still fighting back and there were 2 follicles there and still too much oestradiol ( had blood test ) hhhmmmm so can't start stimulating yet - have to DR for another week -

What if they don't switch off though !!! Am torn between feeling quite panicked that they're not doing what they should and feeling quite proud of them for fighting back from being switched off...made me have thoughts about maybe we should have just kept trying naturally if they're that efficient....sigh - head feels a bit scrambled tonight ....anyway they have told me to come back in a week and keep going with the buserelin jags....

So feel a bit flat this evening after busy day rushing around to meetings at work and trying to fit in going for scan and liaising with clinic re results and appts etc in between !!! had my lunch at 3.45 !!! moan moan 
Sorry to be flat again I want to be   

As I said in another post maybe I just have partially-downregged-pessimism ( PDP ) 

SIL has been nagging us to commit to a date for her 5/12 old's christening which will now be the day after my potential ET !!! aaarrrgggghhhhhh.....

Off to bed - hopefully tomorrow will be more positive
Bye guys


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi girls,
Goldielocks, Do you know why they sent you on the long protocole? I was on short last time and they decided to keep it the same as worked fine. The short prot is easier as no downregging  but I guess the downside is less eggs retrieved and less chance of blasts.  I have a feeling that if I was at Lister or Argc,( after the article in independent I guess I would think twice before starting anything at ARGC) I would be on long protocole.
Regarding your response to downregging,  I believe it is better for your system not to go into shock and have all your hormones shutting down too quickly. I think you are doing well. Lots of girls get downregging for more than 2 weeks. Anyway, another few days and you'll start stimming ! won't be long

Ladydee, well done on getting all those tests done so well, good luck for your treatment,

Future Mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi Future Mummy 
Thanks for your reassuring words...you're very kind...spoke to the clinic today as well as got a bit panicky that I'd been giving myself the wrong dose of Buserelin and the Sister said DR could take longer than 2 weeks too ( though she did say it could take 3M for a few "lucky" individuals !!! ) So reassurance was quickly superceded by panic again !!! kidding...  I'm OK and you're probably right re the gradual pace thing....
I haven't really been offered any alternatives for Rx - this protocol only...consultant seems quite fixed in his ideas; doesn't believe in IUI either apparently - straight to IVF no messing...The clinic is nice but very busy and even if we are fee paying sometimes I don't really feel like I am getting the same options and thought as a private patient, but I have confidence in what we're being offered so far I suppose - don't really know any different  
Are you a true private pt or fee paying in NHS clinic?? 
Saw your snowdrop post re acupuncture - sounds very helpful - I've been going to local practitioner and found it useful but I think he generally just balances my energies - I have to go back when I'm stimming 
Wow it's windy today - I am working form home this pm and glad not to be out...
Might go listen to my visualisation CD perhaps instead - don't tell  
Hi to ladydee - hope you're well 
XX


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Goldielocks,

Just wanted to say I'm sure you'll DR ok and as you say it's sort of reassuring to know your oestrogen levels are high.... I had to DR for 4 weeks on my IVF cycle - in the end my acupuncturist told me to eat lots of cabbage and parsley to help process the excess oestrogen and it worked. So you might want to move to a high cabbage diet for a few days to help nature and the drugs along   It's worth a shot and it's amazing how many ways you can find to cook it. Try not to worry if this phase takes a little longer than planned - we're all human and hormones don't work to clinic timetables! 

Good luck, CG x


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi Eliters 

I hope you are all well. Just a short post from me to say hello and I hope everyone had a enjoyable week and they were not impacted by yesterday storm.

Goldielock, I noticed your post about your estrogen levels and dregging taking a bit longer, don't worry as Cotsworld girl states, you will be fine. I think it may be your "Elite ovaries" telling you who is "boss".  . In another few days your level you will be ok. I have heard the advice regarding cabbage lowering estrogen levels whiled regging. Also,  I am certain at my last meeting (only on Wednesday) the nurse said something about stimming and a good increase in E2 levels (which I think is estrogen level).  So in my book that means the potential for high estrogen level increase is good for stimming and also means the lining will be ok.  

Future Mummy, from my recollection, you should be starting degging this weekend, lucky you. I have another 4 days. It looks like I will be cycling on my own 


I found this article on net and think it is quite interesting.  (ignore bits about TCM herbs but the principle appear to be true for me anyway. I will try to take this on board )


"Stress and Infertility Randine Lewis, Ph.D., Lic.Ac.

Stress - The primary fertility killer. 

We believe one of the most under-diagnosed contributing factors to infertility is stress. The body knows that we should not be pregnant when we are under tremendous stress. In fact, in the wild, mammals don’t go into heat when they are under high degrees of stress. Embryologically, the ovaries, kidneys, and adrenal glands develop together, and form a triad that prioritizes their functions throughout life. 

Adrenals dominate – fight mode; Reproductive system suffers.

Receptive mode – ovaries can function optimally as the adrenal gland settles down.

The adrenal gland rules this triad, and when stressful conditions dominate our lives, the adrenal glands shift the body into sympathetically dominated, fight or flight mode to respond to the stress, tension, or threat; then pumps out cortisol for instant energy to the brain. When stress rules our lives – work tension, lack of restful sleep, an inability to achieve ones desires – the adrenal glands become overtaxed and aren’t able to rest, and therefore cannot allow the reproductive function to operate efficiently. We cannot be in fight mode and receptive mode at the same time. The body won’t allow it. And rarely can reproductive treatments overcome it. Our innate wisdom knows that we should not be conceiving during times of high stress. 

The body prioritizes its functions according to our environment. If we are in receptive mode, our reproductive function operates optimally and the adrenal function settles down. If we are in fight mode, the reproductive mode takes a back seat so we can escape from the perceived danger. Our body’s first priority is keeping us out of danger, and taking care of a developing fetus when we are experiencing a precarious or tense situation is an overwhelming strain. Indeed, our hormonal response to stress is actually antagonistic to our fertility. For instance, the hormone adrenaline is released by the adrenal glands during conditions of stress. Although adrenaline helps us to escape from danger, it also inhibits our ability to utilize progesterone, thus impeding our fertility. Another hormone, prolactin, is usually released by the pituitary gland in order to stimulate lactation in preparation for nursing. Prolactin also inhibits a woman’s fertility so she won’t become pregnant again while she is nursing. However, in times of stress the pituitary gland also emits higher levels of prolactin. High prolactin levels tell me the Qi is obstructed and needs to be circulated. 

Signs and symptoms of stress according to Chinese medicine: 

Stress upsets the regulation of internal energies, which TCM refers to as “liver qi stagnation”, a pattern which occurs as a result of our poor adaptation to stress. This condition can manifest with a sawtooth, erratic temperature pattern on the BBT chart, showing that there is not enough hormonal regulation to normalize the cycle. Women who exhibit no pattern at all to their menstrual cycles often have liver qi stagnation as well. One month the cycle may last thirty-five days, and the next month it is twenty-six days. There are severe premenstrual signs some months, and other months there are almost none. The problem most assuredly lies in the liver qi due to stress and its associated endocrine effects. The remedy will be to soften the liver energies so the qi can flow with meditation, deep breathing exercises, and stimulation of acupoints such as Yintang, Lv 3, Lv, 8 and Lv 14, a process which you will learn at The Fertile Soul retreats, and workshops, or your Fertile Soul clinic practitioner will treat if he or she recognizes these symptoms of liver qi stagnation.


When we are under stress, the sympathetic nervous system (the part that accelerates heart rate, constricts blood vessels, and raises blood pressure) can become hyper-stimulated, flooding the bones and muscles with blood so we can either fight or flee from danger. However, a hyper-stimulated nervous system sends less blood flow to the uterus and ovaries, thereby impairing their optimal functioning. If you tend to sweat more than normal, have cold, sweaty or clammy hands and/or feet, especially under stress, if you have consistently dilated pupils or sweat when you feel anxious, if you tend to grind your teeth or have tension headaches, these symptoms are indications of a hyper-stimulated nervous system. This translates into internal heat caused by the internal pressure induced by liver qi stagnation. To calm and supplement the sympathetic nervous system, you might supplement with calcium and magnesium, and take herbs to calm the spirit and move the qi. Your Fertile Soul practitioner will prescribe herbs individually for you"

What do think, is there any truth? In view of above, on our difficult journey please can we remember to not to get stressed.     

Saying that I am knacked so I am off to bed. 

I hope everyone has a super and stress free weekend.


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## sandee2002 (Jun 24, 2003)

What is a Fertile Soul practitioner? And what is an Elite member?

regards
sandy


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Sandee (and anyone I have confused )

I will explain, the term "Elite" is my new acronym for "old" . This term has no correlation with FF membership types. It just that I felt being over 40 I was projecting negative connotation by referring to myself as old, therefore in my post I have been using the term "Elite". So in my posts I have been describing us as an Elite group of females which we are, and a few other members have adopted this phase. Also, I changed my profile and replaced my age with (Eliter member TTC).

The term "Fertile Soul practitioner" refers to a USA IVF specialist who works with Randine Lewis. The post regarding stress and IVF was copied from this site.

http://www.thefertilesoul.com

Ladydee


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi girls,
Just back from a night out with DH and thought of checking FF before going to bed ( what a sad case I am , can't get away from it for too long anymore!  )
Anyway Finally got my period today afternoon , so stimming from Monday morning , glad I can sleep in tomorrow.
Off to bed now, 
Future Mummy


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Goodafternoon "Elites" 

Another, FF addict  I thought I would send a quick Hello 

Futuremummy that good news that you will start stimming on Monday. I am a bit confused regarding different protocols but have you downregged?  I start Superfract nasal spray in another 10 days, (the real dregging). In this group, it looks like I will be last : you and Golidelocks will be cycling together. Hopefully I should be stimming when you guys are on 2ww wait.

Goldielocks, you have been quiet, how are you getting on dregging and more importantly how are you?

Anyway,   to everyone. Enjoy whats left of the weekend. 


Ladydee


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hello e-ladies  
Goodness I must be losing it... I was sure I sent a post last night to you guys to say hi and hope all's well 
Thanks for your advice cotswold girl ( will get some cabbage ) FM and ladydee 
Glad AF has come at last FM - you can get going now...and join me !!! 
Ladydee - thanks for the advice/info about stress - Know this is very important and am trying to relax but the lack of things going to plan has unfortunately upset my equilibrium a bit/lot 
Have an acupuncturist appt this week so hopefully that may help 
Am now Day 18 d/regging and still feel that things are not quietening down - I have a nagging pain in my left lower abdo which feels ovarian and now I'm worried I'm getting a cyst or something - feel very premenstrual and a bit sick as well so feel totally confused...   
DH says the drugs are making me anxious and   overpreoccupied and he may be right - it's so hard when  you have no idea what to expect....I'm worried that I'm not on the right dose of Buserelin and allsorts of irrational stuff.... 
We're going to go to the movies later so hopefully that will take my mind of everything 
Hope you're all well 
xx


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi Girls,
ladydee, I am not downregging. I start with stimms as on short protocole ( starts on day 2 of cycle. 
Goldielock, not long now before y start stimming. I believe your pains are nrmal ( annoying but normal). If there was a cyst it would be seen on scan and if it was bad the docs whould have stopped your treatment . Please try to relax a bit ( says me who was very stressed at last treatment) but the stress itself ( especially when so much as you) is really bad for your health and does not help treatment . Your muscles go into spasm, and don't forget that your womb is mainly a muscle, so if you don't relax it can make things worse. 
if you do accupuncture , ask your accu to treat you for stress too they are usually excellent at it. 
Yoga is good too.
I like going swimming and then relax in the eucalyptus steaming room.
I am sending you lots of   
Future Mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

FM 
Do you think so  

Do you remember having grumbling pains during your first cycle ?? but then you did the short protocol didn't you ?? I would have thought grumblings were more normal when you stimulate perhaps...that's my worry, that everything should be quiet by now and they're not  

Anyway - will try and stay calm as you suggest - have a yoga class tomorrow night as well - maybe a few gentle stretches will help

Back to work - trying to catch up with admin I should have done yesterday 

XX


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Goldilocks,
It is true that I only had short prot , but I trust your docs , they know what they are doing and have seen many cases like you, and as I said earlier, your scan did not show anything bad.
If you are that worried that you can't sleep , why don't you call your clinic tomorrow morning and explain to them and see what they say. You can insist to have another scan to check everything is in order too. 

Now a question, as you are downregging, have you been told by docs that you would have a period before stimming or are you going straight to stimming? 

The clinic is there to help you darling so if you have questions call them , as you will feel better. If you don't live too far from them you can also go there first thing in the morning and insist to be seen and have a scan. 

Although I am sure you will be fine it might be the only thing that will reassure you. If so maybe good idea to make a list of all your questions before going tomorrow morning so that you don't forget anything.
Future Mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi FM
Thanks again for your advice - yes I guess I could call the clinic I suppose but I did call them on Friday about my meds as I was worried I was taking them wrong - if I keep calling they'll think I'm a right pain !!! 

I'm due to go Wednesday am for another scan so I'll probably hold out till then unless things get more uncomfortable 

I've already had my period ( started day 8 of d/Reg 10 days ago ) so that's why it felt funny to feel heavy and premenstrual again ( sorry if  TMI ) 

I suppose I've just seen a few references to " failure to downregulate " on the www and got scared that it would be me 

Sorry - I'm not normally such a basket case  

Good luck for tomorrow with your first jab


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hello everyone 
Hope stimming is going well future mummy and ladydee - not too long to go now
I'm anxiously awaiting my scan tomorrow really worried that there is some huge cyst there and everything will be cancelled - I really do have quite bad left sided achey discomfort  
I rang the clinic yesterday and they were a bit dismissive - said it could be "late ovulation pain" and I should take simple painkillers 
Bit confused by that as have had my period and thought I shouldn't be ovulating anyway with DR - and anyway I NEVER had ovulation pain that sore before...
Am feeling miserable and scared - I hate not knowing what is going on and what to expect plus I have a fear that things are not working because of my age...don't really want to post as don't want to depress everyone else who is feeling really positive...
Suppose I will just have to wait till tomorrow am for answers/news 
Have a good day everyone - am going to work now - hopefully that will take my mind off things 
XX


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi to everyone, 

Future Mummy, how is it going ? 

Goldielocks, 

How are you? Sorry to hear your nurse was a little dismissive, maybe you caught her having a bad day. Ideally she should of put your mind at ease and reassured you. Anyway it must be hard for her to provide an exact answer because everyone responds different to the meds.  

I will try to reassure you. Your on the long protocol like myself, therefore from my notes (taken at the various planning meetings ).  My understanding is, the sniffing (day 21)  shuts down our Pituitary gland which control our hormones. According to my notes, the nurse said everyone is different but during sniffing some people do experience side effects ie period like grumbling around the time of AF and some  do experience bleeding. I think the pain you are having is not a cyst and I do hope you are worrying unnecessarily.

I know how you and all of the 40+ are feeling, I to am absolutely petrified of having this treatment and I am more of an Elite than you. I wish I was your age then I would have more time.   I will confess just after Xmas I was going to cancel this and not go through with it because I felt it was better not knowing what the outcome would be", because I was scared but after serious discussions we agreed we would give it a go. 

This process is emotionally draining and there are no guarantee's therefore I feel we should focus on the positives on this journey we have started. There is nothing in the world we can do to turn the clock back to start this journey when we were younger, therefore IMHO we have to accept our situation and do our best. Also, if our clinic didn't think we had a small chance of being successful, they would not be treating us.   

I to worry if I will get through the journey because they are so many hurdles to jump (but as my doctor said they get smaller and smaller. I am trying to take this process one day at a time and focus on the positives.  When I went to my planning meeting I had mapped out the dates for (Down regging, Stimming, ETC, ET and 2WW) as far as I was concerned it was all set in stone. To my surprise the nurse said the only dates they were definite about was day 14 (tablets) and day 21 (down regging). Also, I was told that after down regging AF may be late in some cases it takes between 3 to 14 days post baseline scan!  (another hurdle). It was all down to how my body reacts to the treatment which they are unable to  predict. At the meeting I started worrying and said if the Stimming and ET are delayed then what about my plans, work etc. On my way home I realised I was not being flexible and I had to go with the journey and allow this process to come to me rather than to dictate the outcome. At the moment the most important thing is my life is, me and dh going through this process, therefore I will try my best and remain open. 

I know it is hard for us but age doesn't matter, we still have the urge and wanting for a child as I said before "our bodies are like a river which is flowing slowly but not stopped" 

Please do not feel you cannot post on this site if your are feeling down. What your feeling is perfectly natural and normal.  If you do feel down please do say so and we will try our best to cheer you up. I will be here with the rest of FF to provide you with secret support. Last week I was stressed when I had to redo some of my blood tests and posted on the site within a few hours I received some reassuring posts.  

Anyway, listen to your CD, best wishes for your scan tommorrow.  Are you having acupuncture, I am it does help with the stress.

      



I start taking the tablets tommorrow and next week the Nasal Spray. (Please remind me of my positive intentions in the coming weeks  ,)

"Success in life is not dependant in having been dealt a good hand but in playing a bad hand well"

p.s I must read "how to get your point across in 30 seconds"


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Ladydee
Thanks you so much for your lovely message - I have tried to stay away from the board for the last day or so ( my DP forbade it !! ) as I was feeling awful and didn't want to bring everyone else down   but when I read your post I wanted to say hello and thanks 

I appreciate you saying that people here are happy to support and do understand and I know they do...You're right - I have sent encouragement to other ladies who seem a bit down or worried myself
I can't keep up with the snowdrops thread and to be honest now I'm dropping behind I feel quite conspicuous there especially being "elite" and all and it being my first treatment ( last at this rate !! ) 

Hope you're OK and good luck with starting tomorrow - hope it goes smoothly and to schedule for you - know exactly what you mean about the anxieties of not keeping to schedule ( don't I just !! ) have told work 2 different potential dates for time off already and am now going to have to tell them a third - they are so going to guess what I'm involved in...which I didn't really want to happen.  
In fact I'm not going to give any more potential dates until they're definite because it's too stressful to keep having to alter them - it just draws attention to me I feel.  

As you say perhaps giving ourselves up to the mercy of unpredictableness is the way forward as we can't control what's happening can we...and to try to do so just invites stress. 

I went for my scan this am - there is a cluster of small follicles in my R Ovary and one in my left which accounts for the grumbling pains....It should all be quiet in there now and also my oestrodiol levels are still elevated at 225 ( needs to be less than 100 ) so have been advised to carry on with the buserelin injections for another weekand then go back for another scan...which sounds fine if I don't go insane worrying about whether things are improving or not in the meantime...I can see this carrying on for weeks and weeks and I'm not sure I can do this indefinitely without knowing something positive will happen, it's just too intrusive. I feel so depressed that I can't even get to the stimulating stage like everyone else seems to be doing 
See what I mean about being negative...sorry !!!

Sr at clinic said it does sometimes happen and it wasn't because of my age but who knows....I am fed up with the whole thing - I felt quite fit and well really before all of this  - now it's all about my age and stuff which is very disempowering   

Sometimes I so wish I didn't want a baby and then perhaps I wouldn't have put myself through all this  - it might be easier...life seemed a lot simpler before and when I thought it might just happen ..I just laugh now to think about my anxieties about contraception etc 

I long to be 5 years younger with better ovaries but the problem is I didn't have my DP then so it wouldn't have been much good !!! 

My SIL has asked me to be godmother to her 3 children this week - she knows we are trying for a baby and struggling and I think she thinks it will cheer me up - I really love the kids but it just felt like a knife in my guts....I know she didn't mean it to be like that - I feel so mean and twisted - or maybe it's the drugs I don't know anymore...

Anyway ladydee - thank you for your kindness - I will try and do as you suggest and just take one day at a time - it works for smoking after all... 

All the best to you for tomorrow..
keep us posted XX


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi ladies, I hope everyone is well. 

Goldielocks, super news you don't have any cysts, see I told you so.  You were worrying unnecessarily . With regards to your E2 levels being slightly higher this is not a major issue and is not age related. To reduce your levels you will have to eat loads of steamed cabbage, Kale, broccoli and  pumpkin seeds. This will reduce your E2 naturally I promise. I predict you will be fine at your next scan. Also, it may be because your injecting rather than sniffing. I was told by my acupuncturist that being stressed raised E2 levels! 

On a serious note, I read you post and totally agreed with everything you said. I to am a (IVF Virgin at an Elite age) and am absolutely scared and petrified about having the treatment but I do want a baby so I have to do this.  With regard being an Elite I understand what you are implying, but I going to celebrate being over 40 because my life to date as been fantastic. In hindsight if I had children earlier I may not have been a good mother because I wasn't as focused as I am now. My philosophy "is things happen for a reason, so go with the flow". Also if I had children earlier they may have been with dreadful ex boyfriends not darling DH 
With regards to your SIL, I dint think she deliberately  being hard on you by suggesting you be God mother to her children. I know it is not going to be easy but knowing you you will love and cherish those children also get some practice in as well. 

Don't worry about being negative this is perfectly normal, I too have negative thoughts about this treatment but remember we do have a small chance.  

To help with combating the negativity I am going to create a folder in this directory called 

"Dumping ground for negative thoughts". 

The idea is when anyone is feeling low, we can write our thoughts ie how negative we feeling and post it. But before you hit the "post" button you have to take a deep breath and by doing that all the negative thoughts will leave your body. 

No one is allowed to reply to any of the posts because it will be a waste basket of our negative thoughts. 

I hope  everyone has a super Friday (end of week). Must dash and eat, I haven't taken my tablet yet oops, I forgot, Day 2 and I am forgetting. 

 to all.


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Goldielocks and Ladydee,

I so sympathise with all those feelings and negative thoughts you've been having but some of it is the drugs and the anticipation of starting this journey and things not going to plan. Some wise person on FF likened IVF to the grand national as you have to jump so many hurdles before you get to the end and they were so right. It doesn't help either that when you get to our stage of like you're pretty much used to planning things and putting work first. It's the lack of control that really gets us all in the end so if you can try to go with the flow a little and take each day as it comes it can help (ok only a little).

Being one of the Elite crowd I know how it feels to be tackling IVF for the first time and can only say hang on in there and keep hoping that you'll be the one it works for. Statistically we all know there's a chance and that's what keeps us going. And at least we can see that it has and does work for many from the postings on FF. All the negative thoughts we try to suppress are always going to be there as they're probably our self defence mechanisms kicking in - if we don't believe it will happen we won't be quite so disappointed if it fails!

Goldielocks - it sounds to me as if you really are nearly there if your E2 level is 225, when the levels are that low they start to drop really quickly. Mine went from 1000 to 500 in a matter of days then to 100 about 2 days later. So as Ladydee as already suggested eat as much kale and cabbage as you can bear - another tip is to drink hot water with lemon juice in it. A combination of these worked for me and I had a couple of cysts that were keeping my levels higher than they might have been. I'm sure your sister-in-law didn't mean to upset you in any way - you probably felt it even more because of her timing (not the best time to suggest it when you're going through IVF - but unless people have done it themselves they don't realise the impact some of the things they do to cheer you up have  ) 

Ladydee - your idea for a negative thought folder is great. I think I'll be using it soon! I'll be embarking on IVF no 2 in March and the negative thoughts have already been plaguing me! It'll be great to have somewhere to dump them to allow the positive ones back in.  

Good luck both and everyone else having tx in the coming months, 

Lots of love CG x


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Ladydee and Cotswold girl  

Thanks so much for your encouraging words...and I like the idea of the negative dumping ground...I will post there if needbe....very likely !!!  

I am still feeling a bit anxious and imagining the worst like they tell me that the cycle will be abandoned  because I can't downregulate fully and my body won't do what it is supposed to....I think I am being a bit catastrophic so I'm trying to keep things in proportion...I still have discomfort so still feel the follicles are there but I'm just going to do my best to relax and do normal stuff and then see what the scan shoes next Wednesday - plus I'm going to ask them to give me some guidance as to what plan they have for me...I think if I had to stop the treatment and start again next time I would be OK - it's the not knowing that's so hard....  

I've bought some broccoli and cabbage and I've got some pumpkin seeds...so we'll see - the oestrogen levels have 5 days to come down!!  

Hope that your first days of treatment are going well ladydee...and that you are getting ready for things CG - you sound very balanced and objective about it all

I have actually found hearing about other people's experiences on the site quite humbling...there is so much being expended in our quests to be Mum's and I really feel that the ladies here are so deserving

I work in health and over the years have been repeatedly confronted with people uncaring of their kids or who get pregnant without thought....now it makes me really angry   ( what's new !!   )  and I have to try really hard to be professional and objective 
But there is no point saying it's not fair - the world isn't a fair place and everybody's circumstances are different 

As you say ladydee it is good to remember the good things about where we are at - I totally agree - the person I want to be the father of my kids is my husband and I am not sure I would have made a good mum even if it had been possible 10 years ago... 

Anyway lovely elite ladies - enjoy your weekend - and lets go with the flow...I have been wasting a lot of energy this week fighting and stressing about things which will be as they will be...I will try and relax this weekend

Hope you're both well and hi all you other elite ladies out there  

Am going to see my Nan tomorrow - she had 7 children and her last was at 45 !!! Lets hope it's genetic !!! 

XX ^ cat^


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Goldielocks,

Not sure that I'm really that balanced and objective - it depends what day you get me on and how my hormones are (at least that's what my hubby would say  ) In fact for some reason I've been more hormonal since finishing IVF in Dec than ever before - it's been like PMT+

Acupuncture is pretty good for helping with the stress of treatment and keeping you balanced and positive. It can also help you DR/bring on an AF so worth trying if you haven't already and can get past the thought of the needles. To be honest once you've been through a cycle of IVF or had an op of any sort the acpuncture needles are not such a big deal  

Hope you have/had a relaxing weekend and enjoyed the cabbage! I've got some recipies if you're runnning out of ideas on what to do with this less than exciting vegetable  

Love, CG x


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi girls,
I hope you are all well. Goldilocks , things are looking up for you I am sure , your oestrogens levels are going down and not long now, and if you have to keep dowregging a few more days then be it, you are nearly there, there are no cysts, and you are so well look after at your clinic that when you stimm , you will have achieve the best thin lining ever, with relaxed ovaries.  
Ladydee , hope you continue to give us good ideas like that. I like the negative thoughts folder too.
Costwold Girl, in one month you start treatment, not long to go. I think the accupuncture I am having is helping loads too. I am not downregging , only stimming , and I feel it is working too , with a different needle protocole I am sure.

Well I am officially off my planet with the drugs. Can't remember much ( my memory is non existent), feel a bit dizzy and grumpy, can cry or laugh for nothing and have a light headache. Need my private space more than ever and don't feel like having any friends around ( which I usually love), just DH ( and he knows when to leave me alone, bless him) I feel the drugs are more powerful than last time although same dosage. Is it really the accupuncture helping? Must be. Hope as a result I get more follies. The suspense unfolds on Monday with first scan.  
It is brewing down there, feels like my ovaries have come to life and move and talk to each other  
As much as I love cooking Fresh food , I am not big on soup, except bouillabaisse ( a fish stew really). Do you girls make your own cabbage soup or buy it in a supermarket? if you make it yourself, could I have the recipe? I know I am asking a non fertility question but I hear so much about cabbage and oestrogens levels that I really want to start drinking it, but not sure if it is that good if bought from a box at shop. Usually do cabbage with sausages in a stew ( French family recipe). 
One of my probs is not enough progesterone, but I feel that if I can regulate oestrogens then the other hormones should follow. Oestrogens levels too high are often the reason why progesterone is low. 
Anyway any tip to reduce eostrogen and increase progesterone is always welcome.

I started my orgalutran injection yesterday and do they sting! ( for a good 10 mns). 
Going to see a show with DH tonight at the Hammersmith apollo: Danny Boon: French comic , very nice guy , extremely funny but not vulgar like some one man show comedians. Anyway it is his only night in London and it should be fun. 
Hope you are having a relaxing week end all, 
Future Mummy


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi Elites, I hope you are all well. 

Cotsworld girl, Your reply was spot on, it is true that at our Elite stage in life we want to plan things to happen but in our time.  

In one of the many books  I have read it states
"conception is the act of receiving and openness, not an act of pushing or forcing. One of the great lessons
learned is to trust your body and the flow of life"

This is now one of my new mantra, while I am waiting for the new soul to be placed in my keeping.

Goldielocks, I am pleased you have purchased the cabbage. I hope at your next scan in only 4
days, your levels are at the required to start stimming. 

FutureMummy, Don't worry about being of the planet, I am like that normally without the drugs. It is good news to know everything is gong to plan. Best wishes for your scan on Monday and I hope you have loads of Follies starting up. 

I normally steam the Cabbage with carrots. I know it sound yuck but it is delicious (IMHO being a vegetarian but you can  add chicken or Lamb to it)

Recipe
1 small white cabbage 
1 small onion
4 carrots 
2 tsp olive oil 
black pepper 
2 garlic gloves, 
knob of butter

cut cabbage into slices 5mm wide strips. 
cut carrots in thin waffle strips (using potato peeler)
grater the onion 
crush garlic cloves 

Add Oil and half a cup of water into pan (with a lid).
Add Garlic, black pepper and butter to pan
Add cabbage, carrots and onions to pan and close lid.
Turn on low heat and simmer until cooked 

I am on day 4 of tables Primulot but I am having a strange headache. I don't think it is related to the tablets because I had a mild headache last Saturday but this appears to be getting worse and kept me up last night.  

I think it may be withdrawal to the wine or maybe I am dehydrated or sinus problems or anxiety.(must go and listen to my MP3)  

I am pleased you all think the folder is a good idea. Hopefully, it will come in handy during anyones up and coming process we will have a place to process negative thoughts. 


Take care everyone, have a superweekend.


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Thanks Ladydee for the recipe and suggestions 
I hope that you feel better soon. 
Future Mummy


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi  everyone,

Here are 2 of my favourite cabbage recipes! The second is really nice with salmon.

Cabbage and pasta bake
1 small cabbage
1 medium onion
2 tbsp oil
1 tbsp fresh parsley
350g penne pasta
150ml single cream
50g gruyere cheese
300ml vegetable stock

1. Finely shred the cabbage and place in a large bowl. Chop the onion and saute in hot oil until the onion is transparent. Add to the cabbage. Stir in the chopped parsley. 
2. Cook the pasta and then drain. Mix the pasta with the cabbage and place in a shallow baking dish. Mix the cream with the grated gruyere and stir in the stock. 
3. Season with salt and pepper and pour over the cabbage. Cover and bake at 180°C for 35 minutes. Remove the cover and allow to brown for the last 5 minutes
salt and pepper

Cabbage & Sesame Stir-fry 

450g cabbage (any kind or a mix of leaves including kale and pak choi)
1 tbsp light oil
1 clove of garlic
2cm (1in) piece of fresh root ginger
2 tsp soy sauce
2 tsp runny honey
1 tbsp toasted sesame seeds

1. Chop the garlic and peel and chop the root ginger. Finely shred the cabbage leaves.
2. Heat the oil in a wok or heavy based pan then saute the garlic and ginger for just one minute. Add the cabbage and stir-fry for 3-5 minutes until just tender.
3. Stir in the soy sauce and honey and cook for 1 minute. Sprinkle with the toasted sesame seeds and serve.

I got both the above off a web site with lots of other good vegie recipes - as I'm not sure if I can mention it here PM me if you want to know where these came from   as there are a number of other cabbage recipes on the site!

Future Mummy - good luck for tomorrow, fingers crossed that you've got lots of lovely follies and quality eggs.

Ladydee - what a lovely quote. I do wonder if the many years of TTC is that I just don't trust my body any more. Will try my best to follow that mantra with you...I hope your headaches disappear soon.

Love, CG xx


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi ladies
Hope your Mondays have gone well...how was your scan future Mummy ?? Hope it was good news and things are progressing well    Lucky you 
Thanks again for the cabbage recipes...managed some sprouts at the weekend and broccoli - hopefully that will help...hope so...
Still feel in limbo and have waves of anxiety that it's not going as it should - can't see any other reference to people not even getting to the stimulating stage because they can't d/r - can't help thinking/feeling why me !!! Still think my ovaries are active as I can feel them still niggling away which is also starting to drive me crazy... 
Anyway can't do much about it till Wednesday but feel I will want some concrete information by then rather than be told to go away for another week...  it is now my 26th day of D/regging !!! is this a world record...!!!  
Have Yoga tonight so maybe that will also help me relax...
Anyway - apologies for not posting much - I want to have good news and not depress everyone which is quite hard at the moment plus i feel a failuer that I can't get started 
However .... will stay in touch


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Elite Ladies,  I hope you are all well. 

Goldielocks, Don't worry all is not lost. I am certain I have read a few posts in the past where members have said they have D/regged for ages and still had a BFP. Please enjoy your yoga class and I am sure everything will be ok for Wednesday.  

Future Mummy, how was your scan, I hope it went well.  

BBPiglet7. I noticed from you avatar you are 11 days away from test. Super news, I hope it all goes well. 

Cotsworld girl, your recipes appear to be Michelin 4 Star, my are home made Dee's cafe.  I will try one 
tonight. Thanks for the well wishes for the terrible headache, after copious amount of parcetomal and Ibuprofen, the headache finally  vanished last night.

Will start the sniffing on Weds. The only slight worry is I am not sure how I am going to remember to sniff 4 times a day at the same time.


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Good evening elite ladies 
Hope you're all well...Not too bad today - feel quite calm today probably because I am going to the hospital tomorrow and will hopefully be able to find out where we go from here...hurrah !!! 
Keep your fingers crossed for me - maybe it's not as bad as I fear - sometimes I think all the info you can find on the www just generates anxiety - I found someone's thesis about how cysts in the d/regging phase can adversely affect IVF outcome !!! However it was from 1993....TMI maybe    
BBpiglet - good luck for your testing to come - so hope it's good news for you to inspire us all 
Ladydee - good luck with starting your Synarel tomorrow - hope it all goes well
Future Mummy - saw your post about your scan - sorry it was rather stressful but good news re your follicles and pending EC... 
cotswold girl - Am dutifully about to have a cabbage dish   ....hope you're well and still feeling positive and relaxed 
Hi to anyone else who might be dropping in 
 to us all


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Goldielocks, Just checked my diary and it took me 31 days to DR, although I didn't get a BFP in the end I did get eggs that fertilised ok so I'm sure you'll be ok.  I know it's frustrating waiting to get to the next stage but you will get there!   

Ladydee - hope you liked the cabbage dish....we like our food out this way   Good luck with the sniffing - it does take a little getting used to but before you know it you'll be an old hand.

Future mummy - hope the scan went well.

Love & luck to all, CG x


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone, 

Just a short update from me, day 1 of sniffing has almost ended. It wasn't to bad, I did feel slightly strange during the day especially after I had taken the 2nd sniff.  This may have been because my second sniff was to soon after my first.  Tomorrow I will try to adjust the sniffing intervals to every 5 hrs. It is a bit hard sniffing 4 times a day and taking the tablets.   I thought I only had to sniff for about week but reading the planning sheet it appears to be right through stimming 

Goldielocks and Future Mummy, I hope your scans went well.  

Cotsworld girl, your recipe for Cabbage & Sesame Stir-fry was lovely, thanks.


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi ladies 

Hope everyone is well...future mummy I know you're in the thick of collection/transfer stuff so the best of luck to you - really hope it is good news for you  

At last some good news for me today which was very welcome after the last two weeks of mega worry...
Went for yet another scan and surprisingly my uterine lining had thinned and my ovaries were "quiet" - the follicles that had developed on the right had gone away    Where to one wonders ??  
This was unexpected as I had prepared myself for no change again because to be honest I have still been having a lot of grumbley pain down there and no sign of any menopausal symptoms again - I was ready to demand information and to see the consultant   

Anyway It's game on again as I can start stimulating on Friday - next hurdle ahead - can I produce any follicles when I need too !!  Come on guys you can do it !!  

Wonder if it was the cabbage Cotswold Girl...??  

Will keep you all posted...Glad you set off today Ladydee - Hope the sniffs settle down 
  
XX


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi Girls,

Goldielocks, wonderful news! I'd say you have achieved the perfect thin lining! Good luck with the stimming , wishing you lovely juicy follies. 

ladydee, Hope you adjust to sniffing. I am sure it takes a little time to get settled. Wishing you the best with the stimming.  

I had EC today and went well , no pain except for the " normal " discomfort . Got 3 eggs out of the 3 follies. Apparently quite big so a bit worried that too mature. Was told on day 8 , I was ready for EC and I had 3 follies , but actually had 4. Unfortunately, the big follie in the right ovary was not accessible, as the right ovary had not stimulated as much as left and still small and not moving much and as the uterine wall was partly around it , they decided it was too risky to try and get it, so left my big follie there 
However , found an extra one in left ovary. ( I was told they were 21, 22, and 21 on Monday). So will see what comes out of fertilisation tomorrow. 
Won't sleep much.
Was told that if I get only one embryo or zero, they can try and thaw my FE so that I end up with some embies on board. We'll see. 
The ET is scheduled for Friday with a test date on Valentine's day.
I was given the choice between cyclogest pessaries( had them last time and had a BFN ) and Gestone injections so went for Gestone. Was told no difference in result but has I had a lot of side effects with pessaries , I may have less this way, although the injection hurt during the 2 weeks as in muscle of bottom. Starting tomorrow. As it is intra muscular , I have been advised to have it done by nurse at hospital, every morning. You should see the size of the needle 
Future Mummy


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone, 

Future Mummy, well done on the 3 follies , only a few days to ET and your off on 2ww. I cannot believe how fast your cycle has gone.  

Goldielocks, super news, I knew you would be ok.  

I am on day 2 of sniffing and plodding along, hopefully another 2 weeks before I start stimming (if everything goes to plan)


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi everyone, hope you're all well. Another late night entry from me - but earlier than some nights  

Goldielocks - great news you're over that first hurdle - sure the stimming will fly by now. Fingers crossed you get loads of nice follies   

Future Mummy - well done on your 3 eggs, I hope they've fertilised and are dividing nicely.    Don't like the sound of those Gestone injections - shame you have to have them everyday too. I didn't get on with the pessaries either (was really glad I wasn't in work on the days I was taking them last time - unfortunately I'll have to be next cycle). I had wondered about asking for Gestone but couldn't do that if it means having to trek to the clinic to have them. Hope you're not too far from the hospital.

Ladydee - good luck with the sniffing. I'm sure you'll work the times out soon. Although once those hormones start to drop you'll be surprised at how forgetful you can get so worth writing it down if you've got to sniff & take injections cos by the end you can go  

Sounds like we need a bit of babydust on this thread to help us all along  

Love CG x


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

A good evening to you ladies,  
Hope all's well - it's been such a lovely crisp sunny day here - DH and I have been doing chores which was kinda nice - something totally normal instead of everything revolving around IVF stuff or worries...
Hope your ET went well Future Mummy - fingers and toes crossed for you the next two weeks...hadn't heard about Gestone Injections before - how are they going  
Ladydee - hope the downregging is going well and you are feeling OK
Cotswold girl - how are you ?? Elite babydust is very welcome...  
Well I'm having a bit of an adventure here with my Gonal F pens...couldn't get it to work yesterday so ended up giving myself the contents which in theory should have been my 300iu in 3 goes...have now discovered today that there is more than 300iu in the pen - I didin't bother with the pen I just drew out 300iu in a normal syringe but there was at least another 50 iu left....aaarrrrrgggghhhhh so yesterday had at least 350iu !!! terrific !!!  
Annoyed because the pens are supposed to make life easier not harder...anyway - will just keep going and hope I haven't overstimulated myself...Terrific - one extreme to the other !!! 
This IVF lark is such a learning curve  
Catch up soon


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi girls,
Goldilocks, I had gonal F too and hate that pen, first have to prime an dthen make sure the 300 units I was on were injected. It is so hard to push on that one when the needle is in!
I am sure that 350 is fine though, especially if only once. 
Make sure the limit is set at 300.my pens had 900 units ( they have a couple of different pens) . Thanks god you did not inject 900!

Costwold girl,You don't necessarily need to go to hosp for gestone injection. My clinic did advise me too. My GP does not offer service , some girls manage to have it done at GP. Others do it themselves , that I certainly could not. The size of the needle is too much for me! Besides, injecting in the bottom, and where there is not too much fat, on theside , upper part, I just can't . Some clinic tell the girls they can do it themselves.
I can only just about do the stimming drugs!
ladydee, I think the stimming went quickly because the accupuncture helped. 

Girls I am now with 3 little embies testing on Valentines day.
I had two at 1/2 grade and 4 cells, and one average 2 grade and 3 cells. It was a day 2 transfer.
Oh dear, now the waiting. I don't hold too much hope though as I have such pronounced adenomyosis , which is the cause of my infertility, and that no doctor can cure ( yet). It is not dangerous at all, and many women have a tiny bit of it without knowing it ( except when they have a cesarian , they are told), but to the level I have it, it is rare. Nobody knows why it happens or how to cure it, as itis in the muscle of the womb. 
I was told once that with IVF I had between 1 and 2 % chances of getting pregnant. Another doc said it was exagerated, but I know my chances are low.
But hey, I have to try!!

Hope you all have a nice day,
Future Mummy


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi Everyone, 

I haven't been posting or reading FF because I felt so negative (not even my folder could help) and needed a bit of time to get my head together.  My head is together so I am back to bore you all 

I am still sniffing, having terrible mood swings, hot flushes, dry mouth (feels like I have been sucking feathers) not sleeping basically feeling terrible.   On Thursday night had a huge row with DH he ridiculed me when I complained about the side effects of sniffing he said "smoking also has side effects", (I am an ex smoker) well that was my trigger.   I threathen not to go through this process, a bit childish in retrospect. I suppose he is also stressed and it is his way of dealing with it by being flippant.  Anyway, we have made it up.

This sniffing is definitely mood altering stuff. I feel like I have been possessed.    It may be because I am an Elite why it had impacted me so much. I am definitely not looking forward to menopause. 

Future Mummy, well done 3 embies on board, snuggle up safely little ones 

Goldilocks's, keep up the good work, you must be day 3 of stimming, follies grow  .  I am not looking to that stage, I  will be on Menopause and you have to mix it manually, saying that I must speak to my clinic to get my perception as I cannot believe the difference in price.  

Cotsworld Girl, thanks for the positive encouraging vibes. So I don't forgot I have set my mobile to alarm at 7am, 12am  7pm and 11pm. So far it has worked but I have just realised I have forgotten to take my Primoult, today is the last two.  

I cannot believe how fast this journey is unfolding only a few more stops    

Have a super Sunday 

Ladydee


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi Ladydee, you sound indeed very stressed. I am sending you lots of   . Those drugs are quite strong and people don't always realise howthey can affect us ( plus the emmotional aspect of going through all this!). I take it you meant menopur in your earlier post? I have never been on it. So you mix it yourself. I sware after all these treatments, us ladies could be doctors assistants anytime. 
I hope you manage to feel a bit more relax.
Future Mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi Ladies
Just a quick evening post from me...
Future Mummy - so good to hear about your wonderful grade embryo's - fantastic that they are safely back with you...  that they will implant nicely and stick with you - so hope you have good news on Valentines Day - how significant...
Glad you're feeling well and thanks for your kind words about the pens...maybe I wasn't pressing hard enough which was why I only got half a dose or something like that   Anyway I'm not taking any chances now - just drawing it out of the pen with a normal syringe - what a waste of resources although where I got it from it was the same price as the vials to make up...I have felt a little sick with it at times or maybe it's something else who knows anymore...  

Ladydee - so sorry you have been feeling down and rotten...I do so sympathise but in a way it's really positive that you have some of these horrible menopausal effects - it means the buserelin is really working and you won't be like me having to d/r for 4 weeks...  
My mood was terrible on the Buserelin too   not helped by worrying I wasn't responding properly - I felt really low and emotional all the time - remember it's not you IT'S THE DRUGS  !!! There will come a time soon when you feel better...although the stimming drugs turn your ovaries into bunches of throbbing lead grapes your mood does feel more normal or that's what's happening for me so far...so chin up -  this is the means to persuing our goal right ?? and we Elites have the strength and wisdom to carry us through...look at future mummy and also I think you're right - it does start to go quicker with time. How many days have you been d/r ?? When is your scan ?  
Do you have a relaxation CD ?? I just listened for mine for an hour and had a nap and felt great afterwards...

Have a nice evening everyone 
XX


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi Everyone, 


Future Mummy, Oops, spell checkers I meant Menopur. I am so happy for you with 3 folllies on board also you are testing on Valentines day. I pray and hope it will be positive for you. Snuddle up litttle ones.   I am sending you some    

Goldielocks you deserve a medal to have endured 26 days of downregging I take my hat of to you. We should be calling you Queen of Downregging ;   So far I have downregging for almost two weeks bit and I am ready to combust, my emotions are all over the place. 

Cotworld girl, you were right I have already lost my mind, last night I got so confused and couldn't remember if I had taken my final pill. I got myself in a right old state, I was rummaging in the kitchen and batchroom bin to find the tabs to count how many I had taken. Anyway at 11pm last night I took another one as I thought it was better to be over by 1 than under. 


Many thanks for your positive wishes, I am feeling better and back to my normal self (as normal I can be whilst down regging). Honestly, I have never ever ever in my entire life  (and it has been a long time) felt so awful and low as I have felt in the last 3 days.   If that is how depression feels (a large Black cloud affecting every sense in ones body) my heart really goes out to all those people who have suffered in the past and are suffering. .  

Quick question, should I be feeling any strange sensations in the nether regions? My concern is, my ovaries etc dont hurt but I have been experiencing AF grumbling pains, belly button pains and my Myomectomey incision feels sore. Has anyone else experienced this? 

Also hi to anyone else.


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hello ladies and lurkers - so nice to see some new names on the thread below...good luck to you all in your quest to make a little person...
Future Mummy and Cotswold Girl hope you are both well... 

Ladydee - so glad you are OK - what you describe sounds good to me - no ovarian discomfort is VG - it means they are sleeping beauties and premenstrual symptoms are also good I feel...I did actually get some pronounced PMS symptoms before I went for my scan last week which showed things were properly d/regged so I think your symptoms are good and as you say - I am the  of downregging....
I have to say I don't think I could have gone on much longer gggggrrrrrrr - was ready to jack it in totally I felt so low and anxious...anyway hopefully you will be ready to GO when you go for your scan !!! I need an elite stimming buddy...  
You will feel better when you can move onto the next stage - I have felt much more myself than with the d/regging epic 

OK here - busy day at work, told my boss would need part of next week off so if the days change I'll just have to go off sick prematurely...starting to feel that I can't worry about incidental issues like work at the moment 

Feel reasonably OK - ovaries feel like they are doing something active and I feel vaguely sick after the injection ( probably psychosomatic says my dear husband ) Managing the pens now I have given up on the fancy autojector...feel a bit jabbed out though I have to say...the supply of boxes in the fridge is dwindling which can only be good in my opinion...

A bit of me just wants the whole thing to be over and another part is afraid in case it doesn't go as well as I want it too....they weren't kidding about that roller coaster were they...better go - need some sleep as have scan at 0800 - somebody there obviously doesn't like me !!! 

XX  or


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi everyone  

Been a bit busy over the weekend so just catching up on all your news. What a difference a few bright sunny days make to everything. 

Future Mummy - fantastic news that you've got 3 little embies on board   Lets hope there are more than 2 of you celebrating Valentines Day   Take it easy any try to imagine them bedding down for a long stay  

Ladydee - D-regging is a nightmare BUT the fact you're feeling hormonal, forgetful and low is really really good news (honest). It means the drugs are working and the end to DR is near   You'll be at the next stage before you know it and your husband can look forward to getting his wife back - not the demented banshee you become during DR   Often clinics want you to have a period to mark the end of DR so if you're feeling pre-menstral it'll be because you're almost there!

Goldielocks - I hope the scan goes well, how I miss those 8am appts (not!) Not sure who thinks the auto-injectors are a good idea - we struggled with them too and I always felt those injections more than the other normal ones.  

I can't imagine doing the injections myself - hubby gets that pleasure as I can't even look at them! He did ask if I could as he's going thro a phase of being away alot with work but he got a firm no   If I 've got to go through this he has too....

I'm sure they don't realise what it does to our hormones and think we're over egging it!

bfn, CG xxx


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone, 

I trust you are all enjoying the snow.   I have taken the day off because there are no trains/tube to get me work. 

My mood is much better now and I put that down to my super Acup sessions. In hindsight Sniffing doesn't appear to affect me as much (maybe I have got use to being a creaky old women ). I am now waiting for AF to appear to start the next stage ie scan to confirm I can start stimming. (next hurdle)

Goldilocks, I hope your scan went fine  . It looks like I may to claiming your crown because according to my clinics info sheet I will be sniffing until EC . Are you still sniffing as well as stimming? 

Costworld Girl, I think my DH may be related to your DH, mine is looking forward to doing my injections. 

Futuremummy,   

Everyone enjoy the weather and drive carefully.


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi ladies 
Hope you're keeping warm in the snow - we have a light covering here and my afternoon meeting was cancelled in case it worsened so I'm pleased to say I'm at home..although that is leaving space for my current worries...It's official I am a worry bean  

Only 4 follicles at day 7 scan today although they are upwards of 13mm...despite pleading & begging, drinking gallons of milk and water, visualising bulging ovaries and hypnotherapy CD's +++
Hhhmmmm - I know it's quality not quantity - but a few more to give moral support to the Fab 4 would have been nice....Am alternating between depression and resignation that this is just not happening for me and then I get cross with myself for being negative...sorry for the me post...feel I must be past it and my ovaries tired out...which makes me feel sad for putting myself through this  

Anyway - another scan tomorrow...so we'll see what they say - just felt they were trying to be positive when it didn't look very positive today but they're still talking about e/c 

Hope you guys are well - FM       

Ladydee - nope - I'm still taking the Buserelin injections although not spray albeit at a lower dose so I'm still the   36 days today !!! Glad you feel OK though - I'm sure it won't be long before you can move to the next stage  

Cotswold Girl - hope you're well too...when does the roller coaster start - come join us !!!

Am not posting too much as Tales of a Zillion Follicles is not helping me much but I do wish everyone well and hope we will all reach our goal in time

XX


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hello everyone, I hope your enjoying the snow 

I have just had a walk in the park, the air was so fresh and the scenery was so beautiful, but a bit 

Goldielocks, super news on 4 follies, I am so excited for you.    If I got 4 after 11 days I would be over the moon, remember you only need one.   . From what I have read on some posts (non zillions ones) follies can  increase between scans. So do not worry you will be fine. Your clinic have not cancelled your cycle so you are still in with a chance.  Dont forget you still have another 5 days of stimming left. Another hurdle almost over, your almost there.

For inspiration read Nuala, (baby Girl)  Elllie (baby girl) and London Jax (due soon) postings, they are all Elites well more my age and been successful with out fiftythousand zillion follies.  

I understand what you mean about the zillions of follies posts, I have read some of these posts which has made me slightly downheartened and felt slight inadequate but I think some of these these may be more competitive Jackanory story's.    (I will add IMHO)

However, as far I am concerned this is not a competion or a race and we are all unique individuals and all want the same thing. Therefore celebrate your success on the progress you have made on your journey so far.  

Sorry to hear I am not going to be Queen,   

P.S sending you loads of


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Ladydee, thank you 
How could I not feel more positive with your lovely encouraging words and all those positive energies  
You're right I should be pleased I have four big fat follicles and maybe a few more will come before e/c which is proposed for Monday - so I don't have perhaps as much time as you think - they only seem to stim for 10/12 days here....but nonetheless 4 is better than none...and maybe my ovaries are concentrating their efforts....  
This is such as bizarre business...I never imagined myself trying to produce eggs like a hen before and comparing numbers like you find yourself doing !!!  
I met a lovely lady at my clinic on Tuesday and we had the most surreal conversation over coffee ( very good though to talk to someone face to face about the whole thing actually - ladies normally shuffle in avoiding eye contact ) eg "how many follicles have you got, how many have you got, what's your FSH..what's yours....etc etc" It's a whole IVF language really that only people going through the process understand and no one else does !!! A totally exclusive club !!!  
Glad your walk was good - it's still snowing up here but it's quite light...
Have a lovely evening - I've got my yoga class so maybe that will be good too...
xx


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Goldilocks, 
I'd say that it is good news. You have 4 follies and by monday they will be big. Too many follies run the risk of less quality ( it is a fact actually, told by doc) and your 4 follies will have more chances and space of beeing juicy 
You'll see!
Future Mummy


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone,

Futuremummy, how are you coping with your 2ww? Only a few more days before you test. Snuggle up follies.          

Goldilocks, I totally agree with Future Mummy with your fat juicy follies (which still have 3 days to grow) you can have any of the following:

-Two sets of twins 
-One triplet and 1 frostie
-One set of twins two frostys
-singleton and three frostys
- Quads
The worlds your Oyster

Important fact- when IVF first started they only produced 1 follie.

Your post may me laugh so much when you liken Stimming to "hens producing eggs"         . I laughed until I cried.    My Dh thinks I have lost the plot. Anyway stimming for me has been renamed "IVF Egg Production and Processing line"  aka IEPPL. Therefore from now onwards I will only use the words "IEPPL".

I hope you have enjoyed my warp sense of humour.  In my view laughter is required because this process is pretty stressfull. Well lets say your post has taken away 4 weeks of stress for me that was the first time I have laughed until I cried since this process started.

Costworld girl - how are you when do you start your journey?

On a serious note

My AF has arrived early I wanted it to come on Sat/Sun. I think it was due to all the excitement of the snow. So hopfully off for a scan tommorrow to find out when I can start stimming  so I can join the "IVF Egg Production and Processing Line" and start producing those eggs. During my IEPPL I will have to imagine clucking as I produce my eggs.   

I am so nervous and excited at the same time the next hurdle is about to begin. "What ever happens I have no control over it so will have to go with the flow"

I totally agree not having someone to talk to is kinda hard. So I am pleased you had coffee with someone at your clinic and in way was able to have an open discussion. I do hope the pair of you keep in contact through this process. At my clinic we don't even make eye contact in the waiting room it is so bizarre. I can honestly say it is like sitting on London tube or train where no one talks.

Enough of me and my babbling, Have a good night everyone, I hope this will be the year of success for everyone


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

ladydee  you are very funny. 
At my clinic nobody speaks to each other but when somebody arrives in the hall , everybody stares, I hate it. Very French though. 
Future Mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hello Ladydee ( cluck..cluck ) 

Just read your post and smiled so wanted to reply and say I'm glad I made you laugh...I don't think you're warped at all....and there is a weird kind of humour attached to all of this really - it's so bizarre IMHO   but if we have humour then all is not lost....  

My "Options" also made me laugh - especially the thought of quads... paradoxically the way I feel at the moment seems a million miles away from the actual reality of a baby - I feel on Planet Hen and very psycho it is too....almost like I got detached from what DH and I are trying to achieve and my world is just scans, follicles, eggs and measurements ...so thank you for reminding me  ( she says ashamed   )
Hope that IEPPL can start soon....I'm sure you'll make it look easy 

Fell asleep tonight so didn't make it to Yoga - never mind - perhaps I needed it... 

Future Mummy - thanks for your supportive words too - you guys have really bucked me up...

The lady I met at clinic this week went for her e/c today and her one follicle had one lovely egg - so I'm hoping and praying that she'll have good news tomorrow. Felt so guilty for grumping about my 4. At the clinic today I was the only unaccompanied hen there - everyone else looked like they were there for early pretreatment consultations. Wanted to smile and catch people's eye to reassure them but nobody wanted to look at me...also wanted to shout we have nothing to be ashamed of you know...It would seem so hard to directly talk/communicate to people, it's all so secretive and clandestine 

Maybe talking here perhaps fills a need unless you have a lot of direct support mechanisms...I haven't told a lot of people including my Mum and wonder if I should have told more people for support and also to avoid the extra stress of "being normal"
sometimes I feel I will just burst - probably why I asked that lady for coffee 
DH does his best and we have 2 mad cats who make us laugh - except they're in season at present ( flaunting their fertility in front of me !!!    ) so they're even madder 

Better go - need zzzz's before scan in am 

Take care love and  to us all


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone, 

Goldielocks, I hope your scan today went well and your follies are getting fat and juicy. 

I totally agree with your statement IF is treated as "not for discussion topic". (Stiff upper lip don't mention that word). I went to my clinic this afternoon but it was empty the two other patients I saw just looked through me as if I was invisible but then I was wrapped up in my world and didn't smile. At my next visit on Monday I  promise to smile and say hello to everyone. (Maybe thats the secret you have to spread the happiness  )  

We haven't told a soul we have decided to keep it secret not that we are ashamed but we really didn't want anyones pity or people stressing us out with "has it worked". I feel that 67 year old who had twins with DE and DS has had to much exposure and have indirectly increased the pressure on IF patients like myself. I did read her story in the News of the World and it appeared to be so easy for her.   (I won't go there today )  DH wants a baby but he is quite black and white if it works it works extremely matter of fact. Also he doesn't want to keep talking about it as I do, so when I start he says "Terracotta" which normally make me laugh. 

I did in a round about way tell my mother because she saw my Superfact but I didn't tell her entire story. She was OK about it and said If she was younger she would have had children for me, she said if the 67 year old can so it so could she. That was so sweet but I feel it has piled the pressure on. (I will stop being melancholy).  I know what you mean about being a secret language even if you confided in your friends they would never understand because they haven't been through the process. I can honestly say this process has been a complete eyeopener for me because I was not aware that people went through so much pain to have a baby. If you read the thousands of stories on this board and the struggles everyone has gone through you can feel the pain and realise everyone deserved to be rewarded with a baby and a medal for endurance. 

In the US they have fertility retreats where you get to spend a weekend with other couples and IVf specialist. I really couldn't imagine that happening in this country. It would be more like going to a country fair. I am not sure it would go down well but you never know, maybe this is something I can look for the future.   I love planning events. 

PM me if you every want to talk and feel you are about to implode and we will sort something out. Have you thought about joining a local meet up group? On the FF meetups section there are a few, not sure if in your area. 


Have a super weekend


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone part 2

Oops I waffled on so much I forgot to provide an update.

When to my clinic this late this afternoon and the doctor scanned me and said I can start tonight I almost fell out of the chair.. and said can't I start tommorrow but she said everything looked fine so why not start tonight. Another hurdle crossed phew

So I am now an official junior HEN who will be joining the 
*
[fly]IVF EGG PRODUCTION AND PROCESSING LINE (IEPPL)[/fly]*

So I start IEPPL tonight on the max dose of Menopur. I think I wound up both the doctor and nurse by asking why I am going to be on max dose. (The reason given was age, bmi, bloods, so basically old and fat) anyway I wasn't offended it is true.

On a positive note, I no longer have to sniff, my last sniff was at lunch time today but I am missing it in a strange way, my 7pm alarm just went off. I was looking forward to becoming junior princess of sniffing. 
Saying that just read one of the information sheets from clinic and it does say you should continue sniffing whilst injecting. I am totally confused now but I did ask the nurse do I need to sniff and she said no. I will stop worrying and wait and see.

Have a super weekend, injection at 9pm went DH comes home from the gym.


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi from snowy cotswolds,

It's like a picture postcard round here at the moment which lifts the spirits as much as the sun! Plus I got to work at home today, which after debating with myself shall I shan't I venture into the office, made a pleasant change - no distractions, heaven.

Well I'm still waiting to join you on the roller-coaster. I'll be booking my cycle with my next AF which in theory should start next weekend. Yikes! Been a bit worried this past week, so not felt much like posting. Have had the same lower back pain I had in the run up to my first laparotomy so worried that my cysts/endo or fibroids are back.  

Will have to mention it when I ring the clinic to book my next cycle of IVF and see if they'll let me come in for a scan before I start any drugs. Think I need some reassurance that all's well.   Pretty convinced it's not but hoping I'm wrong...

Goldielocks - 4 follies is great, I know how disappointed a low number can make you but it really is quality that counts. I was really upset when I woke from EC to hear they'd only collected 4 from me but they did all fertilise and I did get 2 good enough to freeze - more than I could have hoped for at my age


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Oops pressed post by accident - must be the Baileys 

Anyway as I was saying - it really is quality that counts so dont' be disheartened. Chances are you'll get a couple more follies by Monday and wonder what you were worried about    If not all's not lost and you only need 1 to make a baby. As Ladydee has laready said there are lots of positive stories on these boards from people who only got 1 embie.  So keep up the positive thinking and try not to worry. 

Ladydee - you made me chuckle, I keep imagining us as a load of battery hens now   Lets all hope we meet the British Standard! Great news that you've reached the stimming stage - time really will fly by now- can't believe you didn't want to start straight away you must like those DR drugs too much. 

Know what you mean about the waiting rooms - no-one in ours seems to give eye contact.  I sometimes so want to exchange a joke or few words to break the tension. On scan days you can almost cut the atmosphere with a knife.  

Future Mummy - I hope the 2ww isn't driving you   Enjoy being pregnant til proved otherwise. Really hope it's good news for you on Valentine's Day.

Anyway best go now, love and luck to all. Good luck for Monday Goldielocks. 

    

CG xx


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi from snowless London  

Cotworld Girl, It must be so beautiful where you are. I imagine you to be in a farmhouse with an open fire and you and DH sipping Baileys. (Have a drink on me) 

I am sorry to hear you are experiencing back pain and think it is something  roids/cysts or endo. Since my My I have suffered back pain but my chiropractor said it is due to my posture since my myo my posture is bad. Is this the same for you? 

I wasn't mentally ready to start my IEPPL activities and had assumed Sunday or Monday. So I suppose  was pushed in the deep end and the decision made for me. I have just completed my first injections took approx 40mins to do. luckily, I am on max dose, loads went on the sofa. 

It good to know you will joining us on this roller coaster of a journey this month. What protocol will you be on? Short or Long? 

Future Mummy    

Have a super weekend


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ladydee,

Good luck for your injection tonight. It's a bit scary to start with but you'll soon get the hang of it  

Well afraid to disappoint we don't live in a big old farmhouse (although if we hadn't had to spend so much on IF tx we might be there by now!) We do have a woodburner stove though and an open fire place which is lovely in this weather.  

Sadly a lot of the snow has gone now, just left with dirty looking slush, which at least meant I could venture out to the supermarket for more cabbage  

Have a great weekend everyone,

CG x


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Good evening Elite ladies and Hens preparing, nesting and producing...

Hope you're all well and just wanted to say hi and I have enjoyed and appreciated all your posts since I was last here...thanks so much Ladydee for your offer of support and lovely pm   Very kind of you and I appreciate your thoughtfulness...glad you've started your stimming injections - probably good to get going before you have too much time to think about it IMHO - My e/c is scheduled Monday and I wasn't anticipating it till Wednesday and in a way that's probably good...
Glad your mum is supportive - I wish I'd told mine in a way and feel that I didn't give her the chance of being supportive - just assumed she'd stress out and freak and it would be more for me to deal with but maybe that was unfair...

I've had some really lovely texts from the lady I met at the clinic this week - her 1 egg didn't fertilise though which I found really upsetting - I'm so sad for her and she was so encouraging about my chance to come...there are some really amazing people going through this - very humbling

Went to the clinic yesterday am - they had a bit more time for me and the consultant did my scan in the end ( big honour   ) Still 4 follicles but they are growing and are 18 17 16 & 15mm which is good...he said my response was "below average but not a disaster" - I thought that was fair and honest...I heard from Manchester earlier ( our clinic is satellite to a bigger unit in Manchester ) and have to be there at 1200 Monday and give trigger injection at 0100 this am  

I am very emotional at the moment, partially hormones and partially the actual experience of it all - it is so hard - each stage an obstacle and worry to overcome...but in a way it is kind of out of my hands now which makes it a little easier...all I can do is look after myself and the Fab 4 and hope they're OK by Monday - in a funny kind of irrational insane way I feel the closest I've ever felt to being pregnant maybe - the sense of something precious inside me that I have to take care of - see I told you I was going bonkers...and yes I know there's a long way to go and I am a realist but for me who's never ever been pregnant it's the closest I've felt. I told DP and he said I was officially insane !!!  

He's very good though and keeps trying to keep me on the ground when I threaten to zip off to Planet Psycho Hen...

Enough of me...Cotswold girl thanks for your kind words - glad you are moving a bit nearer - don't worry about your symptoms - I'm sure all is well - I think this process is expert in making you more sensitive to any symptom - I hope your clinic can reassure you and you can get going.. sounds like you are ready to go and the waiting is hard

Future Mummy - hope you are well and not going to      to you for good news 

I'm having a quiet day...it feels kinda strange - I normally have so much to do at w/ends but it all seems to have melted into the background for now...I told work I had to be off from Monday instead of Wednesday and they were OK about it which helped - i had an important mtg and was really worried about cancelling it but the guy involved was lovely about it - people do come good when you need them too...

Will check in/post again tomorrow to let you know how the condemned hen is doing 

XX all


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Goldielocks,

Hope the trigger injection went well. Sounds like those follies are coming along nicely and should be a perfect size on Monday for EC. Don't worry overly about what the consultant said, us elites go for quality rather than quantitiy  

Will be thinking of you and the fab 4. Does that mean you've named them, John, Paul, Ringo and George? 

Try to take it easy for the next week and just remember to take each step at a time plus drink lots of water and milk. The thought of EC is worse than the deed so don't worry about it - it's just one step closer to achieving a pregnancy. You'll be out of it and hopefully won't remember a thing - I didn't.

I too felt the closest I've ever been to pregnancy especially when those little embies were on board. Enjoy the feeling and hopefully it will continue for the next 9 months   
Sending those follies lots of positive thoughts    

Love and luck,

CG x


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hello fellow IVF Egg Processing and Production lines Hens, Elites and Lurkers. 

Goldielocks, 

You have managed to overcome all obstacles so far, so do congratulat yourself. I cannot believe you are ready for EC, where has the time gone to.   

I do hope your trigger injection went well. Your moving off the production line do not worry your "Fab four" will do you proud tommorrow.  I am pleased to know that work is ok about you changing your days, so that is one less  thing for you to worry about.  . I  second the advice from Cotsworld girl do take it easy.    


Cotworlds Girl , you are a star and have provided me a IVF newbies with loads of support and encouragement during this unknown journey. 


Future Mummy, I hope your embies are snuggling up tightly.    


Have a super Sunday everyone


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi girls , it is the end of the line for me as I started bleeding yesterday. Only spotting but fresh blood. It is definetely not implantation bleeding. However a bit puzzled as with gestone injection women normally don't get bleeding. It is delayed. This is what a doc said and what my internet research has shown. However doc at clinic said yesterday , it could happen. I asked this morning for a blood test but the lab is closed, so will ask tomorrow. Wanted to know if progesterone still too low. Anyway, the clinic where I am at, doesn't really seem to want to investigate, and only because I have insisted will they consider it and I will get answer tomorrow when clinic is opened! 
My question girls, is have you ever been on gestone and started to bleed? ( spotting or period?) I also have light period pain.
The doc yesterday sad if very painful go to ER!!!!!!! I always have very painful period, so I don't see myself going to ER for a Period pain! They would  tell me to go home and take some paracetamol!
Anyway, I need to find out more about bleeding and gestone.
So that's it from me girls, wishing you all lots of   and good luck and BFPs!
Future Mummy


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Futuremummy, 

I am so sorry to hear you are having a terrible time. I have no experience of Gestone. However, you never know this may not be as bad as you think it is. I have seen some posts here where people have spotted and still had BFP. Keep taking your injections and hopefully tommorrow your clinic will be able to provide you with an answer.


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Future Mummy Hi 
Sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time...please don't reject any hope - my understanding is that ladies can have allsorts of symptoms in the 2ww including pain and bleeding and still have a positive test eventually - maybe your clinic do need to see you and advise - I hope they are helpful 
I don't know much about Gestone apart from it's a Progesterone injection and as you say Progesterone normally prevents bleeding....I'm not sure A&E will help you unless you feel that it is an emergency ( I work in health ) I hope your spirits are OK and you can try to relax this evening...
Sending you lots of   
I sense that you have put massive energies into this cycle and your positivity has been an inspiration !!  
Don't give up hope...you have done everything you can do 
Let us know if there's anything we can do 
Fingers crossed for you
XX


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Cotswold Girl

Just wanted to say hi and thanks for the encouraging words 
Hope you've had a good weekend and are feeling well and more comfortable 
Thanks for the advice re milk etc - have been taking my usual vitamins but also drinking more milk than I usually would and keeping a wheat bag on the tummy also feels good at the moment as well....
Not sure what's happening with the fab 4 - hadn't named them in fact but felt I should try and personalise them a bit so I can be positive about there small (ish) number !!!  
Feeling quite relaxed and just had a nice bath and made myself unhairy ( sorry if TMI ) 
We did our dummy run to Manchester earlier so we can find it OK tomorrow - my husband was a bit grumpy - think he's a bit more worried than he lets on - I suppose he has to produce goodies tomorrow as well 
We are just about to have some supper so I'll sign off 
Will let everyone know how it went tomorrow if I can 
XX


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Goldielock,     for tomorrow 
Future Mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hello ladies

A quick post from me – thanks so much for your good luck wishes yesterday

Back from Manchester about 2 hours ago…it’s taken up the whole day and I’m pretty tired but I’m pleased to report the Fab 4 produced the magic number 3 eggs…so I’m pretty happy with that…first question on awaking from sedation to DH was “how many” ?? I’m sure that question has been repeated many times in units over the country today…

So fingers crossed that they fertilise overnight – it would be so nice to get to the next stage after getting this far…. Feel slightly sick but not much pain – was pretty nervous though – all visualisation techniques vanished into the ether I’m afraid 

Looking forward to a night in on the sofa watching TV – America’s Next Top Model and other suitably trashy programmes here I come !!! 

Hope you’re all well 
So sorry Future Mummy that things still seem worrying - hope you get some peace of mind soon
Hope your scan/bloods went well today Ladydee 
Cotswold Girl – let’s hope AF comes soon and you can join us in all this madness!

Went to Care in Manchester and have to say the staff were amazing, the consultant, anaesthetist and embryologists lovely and even the food and tea was good. The asked me if I wanted a GA but I was brave and went for the sedation…The anaesthetic nurse was fantastic – she said in a long slow and reassuring Jamaican drawl apparently to the whole theatre after they rescued the 3 “it only take one”  

I work in the NHS and it made me quite ashamed about how it can be sometimes    …not that I will be resigning and popping off to the private sector anytime soon – but it was very professional, efficient and courteous, I felt more like a person than before. 

Will let you guys know if the news is good tomorrow – Cross everything  

Xx


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone, 

Goldielocks, fantastic news, you got three eggs that is super news.   can we swap places  As the nurse said "it only take one"       

Futuremummy, I hope everything is going well for you and you are feeling better.    

Cotsworld Girl, when do you start, I am getting lonely on the "IEPPL" 

Had my first E2 blood test today, I am waiting for clinic to call if I need to adjust my dose. Also, the lovely nurse gave me a plastic top to use when opening the water. We haven't quite got the hang of it yet, we tend to break approx 4 bottles at every injection.  

Us Elites needs some babydust


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Goldilocks, wonderful news! 3 eggs, sending you lots of    for tomorrow and ET. 
I will be watching american supermodel too and then nip and Tuck on sky one. Love it. Find the men in that series veyr handsome 
As for me, getting worse as getting some clots. really is over. No real period yet because of gestone but lots of red spotting. Not good according to nurse this morning. Agree with her, I really believe this is a BFN so I can't wait until this is all over so that I can move on. Stil have to do the painful injections in the morning and have do the test on wednesday but this is a waste of time and difficult as I can't yet close this painful chapter.
Future Mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Good morning all

After a sleepless night the embryologist rang from Care to say that all 3 eggs fertilised but one had received 2 sperm and was abnormal...so 2 to go !!!  

I am so relieved although aware that the next set of worries are approaching - I hate this so much....anyway at the moment I am just going to try and enjoy my day and be positive about the possibility and be pleased to have got this far 

So nice to be excused from work for a change and have some me time - my job must be particularly c**p because I can't ever recall that before...  

Hope you're all well and have a good day y'all !!!

XX


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Goldielocks, wonderful news ! good luck at ET  
Future Mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Good luck Future Mummy !! 

Fingers crossed for definitive good news for you tomorrow but from what I know a positive test is a positive test....wow....

Xx


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## BBpiglet7 (Dec 16, 2006)

Hello Ladies

Just wanted to pop on and wish Goldie all the luck in the world for your et, and am thinking about you, Futuremummy and am keeping everything crossed that you'll have good news when you test   

Hi to everyone else and hope you're all well


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone, 

Things are progressing well for us Elites 

Goldielocks, super news on two eggs fertilising, remember it only take 1 you now have double the chance. Good luck with ET tomorrow. I cannot believe you have progressed from IEPPL so quickly  

Futuremummy, I have everything crossed for for your test tommorrow . 

BBPiglet7, you have been quiet,  I hope everything is going well for you. 

Cotsworld girl, I hope you are well, when are you starting again,  it is lonely on the IEPPL no one else is here they have all gone.  

Scan tomorrow, will update you on IEPPL progress. I cannot believe in 5 days my waist has expanded so much. It looks like I will have to follow the celeb craze and go to work in my undies.


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi Ladies 

Thanks again for your good wishes - Hope you're all well 
How many days stimming now Ladydee ?
Any sign of AF yet Cotswold Girl ??
BBpiglet  - nice to hear from you and congratulations !!! Fantastic news - you must be thrilled !!! Delighted for you (   everyone - she was keeping it quiet !!!   )

Future Mummy - hope your news is positive today - still think that a positive test is the right side of maybe  

The e/t was at 0830 ( up at 0500 groan ) and we were back from Manchester at 1030 and I've been dozing since - just got up for some food...not quite sure what to do with myself...and full of fears that the embryos have fallen out and worrying re every movement dislodging them - DP managed to drive over every bump in the North on the way back !!   

The procedure was quite uncomfortable and I felt very undignified so it wasn't perhaps the moving experience people have described but the staff were great again - and I did get to see the terrible 2, a grade 1/2 and a grade 2 which they said were OK and the blob of fluid they went back in.... fingers crossed now....oh no another 12 days of $$$$%%&&***£££@@@@ !!!

Back to my couch now  - have a good afternoon y'all 

XX   +2 please stick !!!


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi Goldielocks, congrats on getting 2 good embies on board!
BBpiglet, congratulations! this is fantastic. 
As for me, the test is inconclusive so I have to test again in a week and carry onthe gestone injection till then. I can't believe it. Itisquite rare to happen. My test had a level of 13 which ispretty low, but was told not a chemical pregnancy. The doc said she has seen miracles when it rises, but I don't think so. Testing again this morning and the digital was positive but the non digital had no lines, while the day before ( day 13) it had a fainted line. so it is going down. So the doc said there was an implantation but then things went wrong. 
This is very difficult and very frustrating as I can't move on, butI know in my heart it is a neg.Even my boobs have stopped hurting .
Future Mummy


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone,  

Happy Valentine to all and I hope everyone's partner has spoilt them rotten especially as you are going through this difficult process

Futuremummy, I cannot believe you still in limbo, but on a positive note you are still in with a chance. I still have everything crossed for you.     

Goldielock, well done 2 troops on-board on the starship.       

I am now day 6 on the "IEPPL" and on day 4 Mon my E2 level was above 500. I had a scan today and the results indicates some of my follies were not at the required size of ?? .  I didn't question the Dr because I suppose it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I suppose they were small but I need large eggs (Another hurdle to cross, I have another 5 days for them to grow to the required size of ??) 

Anyway, just had Acupuncture and I am feeling quite relaxed, I have been visualising my follies growing larger Also my Acupuncurist put some pressure points in my ear and suggested I stimulate a few times a day. On my way home I popped into Sainsburys and brought some Lactose free milk, hopefully that will do the trick by increasing protein and calcuim levels. I did buy some Solgar Whey protein but a feel a bit uncomfortable taking it as it clearly states "if pregnant, nursing or taking medicationor have a medical condition speak to Dr before taking".  So I suppose for me that rules it out. 

I hope everyone is well.


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi everyone,

Happy Valentine's Day. I'm sat here on my own as DH away on business again! Still I'm sure I'll think of something he can do to make up for it   when he gets back this weekend. I did at least get a text first thing this morning and a very quick phone call this evening so I'll let him off.

Future Mummy - I've just caught up on your news of the past few days. I do hope it works out for you. It must be so frustrating not knowing which way it will go but there is still hope so don't give up    

Ladydee - stop being in such a rush, perfect eggs take time you know   Just keep that tummy warm and keep drinking the water and milk.

Goldielock - well done, you must be so relieved to have got those 2 little embies onboard.  I'm so pleased for you. Remember to keep your tummy warm so no crop tops for the next 2 weeks, they'll have to wait   Other than that keep drinking milk, water and try some brazil nuts too if you're not already, oh and the odd chocolate wouldn't hurt whilst you're lounging on the sofa. I've read on these boards that all of those are good for you (ok the chocolate was my idea....).. But whatever you do take it easy and rest rest rest..... I know what you mean about worrying about them falling up - I didn't want to get up off the couch! Couldn't quite believe that gravity or whatever it is would keep them where they should be, despite the nurses reassuring words. 

BBPiglet - congratulations on your BFP. Perhaps you can you let us into the secret of success...Wishing you a long happy and healthy pregnancy. You must keep us updated 

I'm still waiting to join you on the egg production line os keep a hen coup ready for me. AF should be due around 18 Feb so all being well I'll be keeping you company really soon. I'll be on the long protocol which means starting the DR drugs on day 21. Not entirely sure I've recovered from the last lot but hey ho, just hope my hormones don't go completely  

Anyway, I'm off to bed shortly so will sign off for now,

Good night everyone,  

Love CGxxxx


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## Red Admiral (May 15, 2006)

,

just popped on here to wish Goldilocks   on her 2WW.  Sending you lots of        .

Take Care

Red


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Good Luck to everyone, and keep those embies all snug and warm 

love Jo
x x x


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Good morning everyone 
Hope you're all well...

Future Mummy - so sorry you are in suspense - I hope that things will be clarified soon and you can have peace of mind again

Ladydee - hope you're well...been thinking of you and wondering how you are getting on in this follicle nesting period...the follicles need to be at least 18mm before they can be collected but if they are growing steadily this is the best way rather than shooting up too quickly...so don't worry they will be growing I'm sure...they only gave me 9 days of stimulating...it will be upon you before you know it and then there is no stopping it....I drank more milk than usual so I think that's good and acupuncture of course will probably help...also think the wheat bag on the tummy is really comforting especially if thingas are tender down there

Cotswold Girl - hope you're well too...hope DP is home this weekend so you can celebrate VD then - we were the same - didn't feel very Valentinish on Weds really so are going out with friends tomorrow night to a Tapas bar in the local town and am looking forward to that...

Thanks to Jo, BBpiglet and Red for their good wishes too...hope things are going well Red 

Am feeling OK - it's my 3rd (?) day of the Wait...the first 2 days have been pretty difficult - feeling really emotional and horrible swings from hope and excitement to fear and negativity that my chances are slim...found loads of references to DE being the only way forward for the Elites which depressed me no end....also frightened of how I will cope with the disappointment of lack of success....

Anyway - trying to get on with things more positively today...was going to go back to work today but the consultant suggested not on Wed so I was quite glad in a way...although it might be better next week when I have work to take my mind off things... 

The pessaries are making me feel rather heavy and premenstrual like - trying to tell myself that is normal though....I'm sleeping a lot which is good because then I relax and don't think !!! 

Might go out for a bit this pm to try and be normal - I need my life back !!! 

Hope you've all had a good day and have a lovely weekend !!!

XX


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone,

I hope you are all well and looking forward to the weekend.

Future Mummy, I still have everything crossed for you.    

Goldielocks, Time does go fast doesn't it, I cannot believe you are on your 3rd day of 2ww. I to have read the various article about DE but also I have read Radine Lewis www.easternharmony.com who states us Elites can do it. It just the flow of our river needs to speeded up. 
Please try to stay positive, it can happen at our age and you are younger than me.    

Cotsworld girl , I look forward to you joining the mad hen house.   

*Day 8 in the Big Hen House- update *

I am now on day 8 of stimming (still on max dose, expensive habit) and my follies are slowly increasing in size (ranging from 11 to 17). My clinic expected my follies to have grown a little more than they have due to the max dosage I am on. They normally reduce the max dose after a few days, but it looks like I am in for the long and expensive road.  I was a little dissapointed my clinic couldnt confirm my EC (which was tentatively planned for Thurs) but the dr said he wont know until Monday after my final scan.  I suppose there is nothing I can do because the decison is outside of my control "as they say I better go with the flow". I am hoping this lovely Elite body (my oldiest friend I have), which I have fed, watered and nourished during the last 42 years will not let me down now. Grow follies grow 

My worry is, by being a vegetarian I may not be getting enough calcium and protein from my diet to help with the growth of my follies. I had assumed my diet was OK, but after reading the protein content of the lentils and beans etc I need to have much more. 

My Acupuncturist was slightly shocked to find I am not drinking milk and suggested I should be having more milk and protein foods. So on Wednesday, I brought 2 pints of Lactose free milk, so far I have drank one pint but I will force myself to drink the rest tonight. Also, I will try to drink one pint per day over the weekend to help these follies.

Anyway, I am so pleased this week is over, I have found it extremely hard and tasking because to attend each of my appointments I had to work late the following day to catch up on my hours. Also I am trying to reduce my workload so when I am off I am not stressed worrying about all the things I haven't done. I will be working this weekend to finalise a few things I haven't had time to complete.

FutureMummy, Goldielocks and Cotsworld and anyone else lurking I take my hat of to you. You all deserve a medal for going through this journey. This rollercoaster journey is pretty hard, I am trying to keep a PMA. Hopefully a week today this part of the journey will be over and I hope I will be on to the next stage.

I dont think I would have survived without this site and you guys my cyber friends its a super feeling to log on and know I can post how I am feeling and you all understand what I am going through and that I am not nuts or obsessed just a crazy Hen. Thanks for supporting me.  

Have a super weekend everyone.


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Girls,

DH is home and snoring on the other sofa! It's good to know he missed me  As he's asleep I thought I might as well have a quick chat with my cyber pals before waking him to go to bed.

Ladydee (aka Crazy Hen) - improving your protein and milk intake should help, it may well be slowing things up a little,but the good news is those follies are growing even if they aren't doing so as quickly as you want them to.  Try to be patient you're almost there (easy for me to say I know just wait til I get started again and you'll be saying the same to me).  Just don't get a drug habit they are far too expensive to keep up   I stimmed for 8 days so you can't be that far behind the curve if you've got at least one at 17mm. Balancing work and appointments is a pain, it's no wonder you're tired. I'm sure it won't be for much longer - before you know it like Goldielocks you'll be on your 2ww and itching to get back to work! Try and have a relaxing weekend, those follies will probably be ready next week.     

Goldielocks - the 2ww is a real mix of feelings, you can't help reading things into every twinge and the hormones play havoc with your emotions but try not to be too negative, there's every chance it could work.    I'd cry at anything that was vaguely sad on the tv! Guess that's one tip I forgot to pass on - the need to have a box of tissues to hand for a few weeks during IVF for any sudden attack of tears.... The pessaries aren't 
much fun either but again they give them to us for a purpose so hang on in there. 

Future Mummy - have been thinking of you, I hope you're ok.

Have a lovely weekend all you Elites.

Love CG x


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi girls,
Ladydee, at day 8 you have a normal stimming rate. My first IVF I stimmed 12 days before beeing ready, this time I was ready day 7 , so it varies from cycle to cycle, but the doc were surprised my follies had grown so fast.At my clinic, they say average 10/12 days ( irrespective of age).
You are nearly there!
Goldilocks, how are you feeling? enjoy the tapas tonight.
Lots of   to everybody else.
As for me It is a BFN as insisted for a new blood test yesterday, and the level have gone down from 13 to 9. So they told me to stop the injections. I have a splitting headache, and managed to tear a muscle around the shoulder so very sore and can't sleep. 
I have to do another blood test on wednesday as they have to keep testing until I reach 0, legal obligation.
My arms have black bruising on them and yesterday could not get any blood out of them so ended up with the needle going on top of hand. ( ouch) . I can't wait to have the dreaded AF, as my body right now is saying , don't touch me , I am too sensitive.
I will probably be pilling up on Nurofen and will have to take a day off as I will have very heavy AF. They are always heavy, but my god after a cycle , it is so bad, last time I could not leave the house for 2 days for longer than 30mns as it was so heavy ( thanks god it was theweek end). Going to work in this conditions might not be the best idea, as I will spend my time in the lady's room ,and hurting!
The most surprising thing is that since yesterday the spotting has stopped. Not a single drop. Very surprised as felt like womb was ready to bleed all week .
At this stage I am not sure I will do another cycle. Ask me in 4 months 
I am going to oprganise a real makeover next week: waxing, brasilian ( I feel like a monkey , pedicure, facial, tint, haicut. I believe that apart from wanting to look good again, it helps to pamper oneself when those BFNs turn up.
I have had grey hair since I was 13 ( runs in the family) but my natural color is dark brunette, so after one month of doing nothing, the roots over what's left of the natural colour hair, and feeling very hairy, I look really bad and drained, so that's it I am having what I have told DH is the post IVF makeover. As I hhave been pumped up with gestone injections until yesterday, I am not the most patient so DH ( love him to bits) has decided very wisely to agree with everything I say  
Have a fab week end ladies,
Future Mummy


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Dear Future Mummy,

I really am so so sorry to hear your news. You must be devastated and I can quite understand you feeling you've had enough. Take some time out to recover from this latest disappointment, but please do stay in touch if you feel you can or if you need to talk to us or just someone.

      

A makeover and day or 2 of pampering treatments sounds a very good idea. If you can't spoil yourself now when can you. Tho not sure a brazilian sounds much of a treat  

Lots of Love, CG xxxx


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hi there cyber ladies 

Just a quick post to say hi and especially to send lots of love to Future Mummy  I am so sad that your news was not better yesterday and that the process still has to be drawn out further….

Sometimes people say stuff like “you were nearly there” in these situations which does not help and is really frustrating but I suppose I’d like to try and find something positive in what has happened...in my mind something did nearly happen but didn’t progress which in a way is evidence for things being able to work out for you…
You are totally right – you need some YOU time and to be pampered and spoiled enormously….good that DP is such a support – I’m sure he is disappointed too – I sometimes keep forgetting in my own upset that my DP is a part of the process too and may also be finding it difficult. In a way I think this terrible journey has brought us closer together…not that I would recommend it as a means of doing so !!!  I sense how much of yourself you put into this process…you could not have done anymore – so step back and take care of yourself for as long as you need….

Ladydee – glad you are OK and that things are getting there-  it will soon be Monday and hopefully you will know what is happening next week…I’m excited for you and I totally understand what you are feeling…me last weekend in fact. Glad you are managing to drink a bit of milk and taking care of yourself…I totally agreed with your comments about the support of this site particularly this thread – my DP was a bit anti it for a while saying it made me too obsessed with the whole thing but I think he sees that it helps me to share my experiences and hear those of others – good and bad to prepare the way perhaps  

Cotswold Girl…hi to you too…thanks for your advice, to be honest the 2ww is total torture – twinges bad, no twinges bad etc etc…there is nowhere to go…the complete uncertainty unlike anything else I have ever experienced before…Hope you’re having a good weekend and relaxing and gathering strength 

We are going out in a couple of hours – the first time I’ve been out socially since I started my cycle – have become a recluse it would seem…probably because it’s easier not to have to be “OK” with people
Fortunately the couple we are going out with are lovely – and have grown up girls so there will be no nonsense such as “Haven’t you thought of children Goldielocks”, “Oh; childcare is so expensive” and 
“Oh I wish we could go on holiday whenever we want and not in school holidays like you guys”   &      

Sorry my mean bitter envious streak sneaking out – ooops – thought I had kept it on a leash and don’t get me wrong we do have some lovely friends but none who have been through IVF and IF….oooooh I could really get going with my meanness about child possessing people…but I won’t – it’s not healthy says DP and I know he’s right…save to say a last little gem from my SIL who was pregnant at the time “ why do you need an estate car, you don’t have any children….” Aaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh !!! Sorry guys – hope I haven’t offended – I just remembered all the insensitive things people have said to me all of a sudden..

Anyway – tapas awaits and I must go see what I can wear – Cinderella you shall go to the ball !!! 
Wow normal stuff again - bring it on !!!

Have a lovely evening lovely cyber ladies

XX   meeoooowww !!


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hellooooo...anybody there ??

Feeling a bit lonely here probably because I feel a bit anxious tonight due to grumbling period like pains which keep ebbing and flowing....

Tapas was nice last night as was company although not entirely children talk free....however were able to talk about our cats for a bit to compete !! 

Also going back to work tomorrow and feel a bit ambivalent about it...like everyone will know where I've been and what's happened...IVF tatooed across my forehead somehow...wish I could still hide away here at home - so afraid that my embryo's have gone already...an almost unbearable thought....Hoping that things are OK in there and the pains are the Cyclogest - have very sore (.)(.) already  

Hope you're all well and had a good weekend 

Talk soon


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Goldielocks,

Don't worry the pains are probably the cyclogest, or they may even be implantation pains   Having sore (.) (.) could be a good sign too      

You're bound to be apprehensive, especially at the thought of going back to work, but you'll be fine. Once the first mornings over and done with you'll be back in the swing of things and before long everyone will have forgotten you've even been off. Did you tell anyone at work what you were doing? If not there's no way they'll know...If you did they may be curious about how it went but either too scared to ask or too damn nosy and want every detail (hopefully the former  ) BUT most important if you don't want to talk about it you don't have to just tell them you'd rather not.

Take care, and stop worrying, it's still early days yet so all is not lost and you've no reason to think they are. Send those little embies some positive snuggling down vibes   

CG xxx




Glad you enjoyed your tapas last night.


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Thank you Cotswold Girl for your supportive words  

You've cheered me up !!! Am watching Gladiator with DH so that's proving a good distraction too...

Hope you're well 

XX


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone, 

I hope you all have had a lovely weekend. 

Futuremummy, I am really sorry to hear your news. I imagine how hard this must be for you and DH. I know this isn't  consolation but do enjoy your pampering, do spoil your self.  I am sending you , .

Goldielock, I hope you enjoyed your night out. The strange pain is probably your embies nestling in ie implantation pains, I am certain some post have mentioned this occurs from day 4 to 6.  . With regards to time off work my planned story to explain my absence will be 
"it a bit personal but I suppose I will share it with you I was off because I had to have my piles sorted out". That should shut up a few people. 

Cotsworld girl, you should be  joining the hen house today, I have resevered a bay for you  Today is a lucky day ie Chinese new year, this year is Golden Pig (extremely lucky and the first one for 60 years)

Nothing much to report from me on day 10 in the Big Hen House, I did nothing this weekend apart from taking it easy by sleeping loads. I didn't feel like going out because my stomach is so bloated and slightly uncomfortable and nothing fitted.   In the end I had to go out and buy a new skirt for work ie next size up to accommodate my expanding waistline.  . 

I don't think I have OHSS because you have to have loads of follies and I definitely do not but my concern is my E2 levels. On day 3 E2 levels was 500/550 ish,  day 6 E2 was about 1900, I don't have the results of my day 8 E2 bloods and I am still on max dose and haven't had a scan or bloods since Friday. I am worried that my E2 will have doubled every day which means it will be to high for EC.   

(See a little knowledge gets one in trouble). I will stop worrying (I suppose that is me being a control freak) I will find out tommorrow at my hopefully final scan. Phew, another hurdle almost over.

Have a good night everyone


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ladydee,

Good luck for tomorrow - will keep my fingers crossed for you. Hopefully they'll be able to confirm you're ready for EC. Keep drinking lots of water if you are concerned about your E2 levels that help.

Shame it's not the year of the Hen!! Mind you I've been a right PIG to my husband today so maybe it's my year afterall   Seem to have really bad PMT at the moment which has made me      today. Such a welcome home for DH! Unfortunately my acupuncture was cancelled yesterday as acupuncturist had flu, will be wishing the rest of this week away now as I have to wait til next saturday..... 

Goldielocks - Gladiator, you're brave! certainly a film to take your mind of everything else....

Night everyone,

CG xxx


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi Elites, 

Goldielocks, I hope your first day back at work went well and your 2ww isn't driving you up the wall.   

Futuremummy, I do hope everything is ok with you.  

Cotsworld girl, I am leaving you in charge of the Hen house. Where shall I leave the keys?   I am sorry to hear you are a bit stressed aka PMT, hopefully your DH will understand it all down to the the stress of the process you guys are about to embark on. From one worrier to another, please do not worry.  

Just a quick post to say had my final scan today and my follies now range from (13 to 22mm).  In view of this, IVF Egg Processing and Production Line aka "IEPPL" is coming to an end. I just had my final injection of Menopur. 

Did this happen to anyone else but during IEPPL my skin became extremely sentitive and I found the last five injections so painfull or was it my imagination. Tomorrow night is the final injection of Pregnel which I am told stings, so I am not looking forward to it. 

Goodnews, my clinic have now confirmed that I am on for EC on Thursday am.  . I am so happy another milestone/hurdle crossed.  

Goldielocks, I know what you mean when you said prior to EC how emotional you felt. I feel the same. I have just opened my heart up to DH about how I feel about the progress we have made on this journey. I know we are not at our destination yet but I feel we have travelled far. 

Regardless what happens from here onwards I can say this process has been character building for me. 

Lucky for you guys I am going to keep it post short (by my standards  ) because I am a bit whacked today after another long visit at my clinic and having to work to make up the time. 

Have a good night everyone.


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## BBpiglet7 (Dec 16, 2006)

Hello All

Goldie - I hope your being back at work is a distraction for you but not causing you added stress. Hope you and DH are chillin' out in the evenings  

Future - I'm so sorry that thing didn't go to plan for you this time and I'm thinking of you and willing you to keep strong and positive for your next cycle when you feel ready  

Ladydee - how exciting for you! I'm so glad you have ec all lined up and look forward to hearing about the lovely eggies you've been incubating  

Cotswold Girl - hope you're feeling a little less frazzled now and can relax a bit  

Hello to Red and everyone else  

I'm doing fine but have been feeling very sick for the past few days. I'm looking forward to some BFP's on here so we can compare who has the worst sickeness         

Come On Elites


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hello ladies 

Sorry for not posting yesterday – being back at work seemed to wipe me out last night – am so tired all the time…I’m sure it’s an accumulation of the last 2 months and the current agonising wait….just wanted to catch up and say hi….am into work this afternoon and should be doing admin this am but can’t settle to anything. Worked out I am 7 days post 2 day transfer today – does that sound right ?? and presumably this means 9 days into the wait…Have not had a good 2 days…very emotional this am and anxious re very period feeling sensations this am. Feel like AF is coming imminently although no actual signs yet. DH is trying to keep me sane and doing a very good job but I just feel like I have a bottomless pit of reassurance needingness….which no one can actually give
Going back to work was strange as everyone was asking me if I was OK and my boss although superficially supportive started asking me for a Dr’s note which upset me because I don’t really want to go to the GP to request one this week. Plus the fact I don’t think I need one if I haven’t been off for more than 8 days. I asked her for next Monday off too which I think I will need if the news isn’t good…she probably thinks I am a hypochondriac. Wish she wouldn’t keep talking about her 3 kids all the time as well  

Ladydee – great news re follicles which sound a great size and that e/c is imminent. How many follicles are there ?? It sounds like you are doing brilliantly. 
You are making your way along the difficult journey steadily and positively which is great. It is inevitably an emotional time. So pleased you have your dp for support. I couldn’t manage without mine at the moment. He always seems to know what to say or gives me a boot up the bum when I need one or a cuddle !!! Let us know what time the e/c is so we can think about you. Not sure why the injections are more painful – maybe it’s hormonal. The Pregnyl injection does sting but take comfort in the fact it is the last one !!! Good luck with the next few days 

Cotswold Girl – hope you are well and that the PMT has passed. The wait before the cycle starts is hard but you are an old hand and will make it look easy I’m sure.  

Future Mummy – how are you ?? I hope you are taking care of yourself and feeling a bit more positive again. You are a very strong person I sense and you will get through this difficult time…

BBpiglet – thanks for coming to tell us how you are getting on for your good wishes – it is great to hear of positive outcomes for the elites..Sorry you are feeling sick but it’s a “good” symptom at the end of the day…

Anyway better get moving – work awaits 

Have a good day all and fingers crossed for me that AF stays away  
XX


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Just popped in to wish all the girls Good Luck for the coming few days/weeks  also (((hugs))) to Future Mummy, hope you are feeling a little stronger today.

Take care everyone

Love Jo
x x x


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone, 

Jo, thanks for your good wishes. 

Goldielocks, your fatigue may be related to    . Those pains are probably your embies snuggling in.   Please remember my famous  words "do not stress yourself and take it easy, everything will work out for you".   Your boss sounds a lovely lady not.   She is so unfair,  you have already discussed with her IE time off she should not be asking you for a Dr's note, that must have contributed to an increase in your stress levels. This sounds terrible but in my humble opinion (IMHO) the worse bosses I have worked with are normally the female ones. I am not sure why they tend to treat other females badly. Have you experienced any others apart from here? 

Cotsworld Girl, you have been quiet lately, I am making the Hen house "IEPPL" smart for you.   

BBpiglet7, congratulations, that is super news, you must be so pleased. I am sorry to hear about your morning sickness, it will soon past. Hopefully all of us Elites will be able to join you in the near future   

Futuremummy, I hope you are OK, and my thoughts are with you at such a difficult time.   

Day 12 in the Big Hen house 

I felt quite strange today, it not like me aka Crazy Hen to feel peaceful and  calm. (maybe my relaxation mp3 is finally working). Since my last injection of Menopur all my worries seem to have vanished and i am at peace. I have just had my final injection (painful) Pregnl 1000 injections and thats it no more needles  .I did say before but since I started stimming aka "IEPPL" my skin has become extremely sensitive.

At my scan yesterday, I had 10 follies, (3 large 20 to 22mm), (5 medium 15 to 19mm)  (2 small 13.7mm) which my acupuncturist said was good. The only thing I did differently this weekend was to drink Milk, rest a lot and use my heat pad on my tummy. 

We have to be at the clinic 8.00am Thursday, I am excited and scared at the same time and can't believe I am almost at EC I can still recall moaning about how dreadful I felt sniffing.   The process seems so real now, before it felt quite surreal and I felt I was going through the motions, rushing to appointments and back to work. In another way I suppose it feels so final now. 

I really do hope there are souls waiting to be placed in my safe keeping. I am not sure what lies ahead for me but I will say my famous last words "I will have to go with the flow and accept my fate". 

Good night everyone, I do feel like a condemned Hen.(cluck, cluck).


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Evening everyone (or morning for you early birds)

Ladydee - great news on those follies and getting to EC stage - I knew you would. Sounds like the acupuncture is working if you're feeling peaceful and calm - don't know how they do it but I was calmer going for EC than I am sat here now and I reckon that was down to a lot of acupuncture in the run up to EC. Also pleased you're keeping the hen house smart for me   I'm hoping to check in real soon...  

BBPiglet7 - in the nicest possible sense I hope you feel sick for a little longer   It's supposed to be a really good sign! 

Goldielocks - try not to let you boss get to you. Women with kids really can say the most insensitive things sometimes....and when you're pumped full of IVF drugs even the slightest thing really gets to you. Don't worry about AF pains either, it could be the cyclogest and plenty of women have been convinced their AF was going to start but gone on to get BFPs instead.   

Good luck everyone, and as BBpiglet says lets hope we're all on this board comparing notes about morning sickness before too long ....
and a little baby dust to help us along.         

Love,

CG xxx


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Ladydee 

Good luck for today - will be thinking of you !!! 

you'll be home with your feet up before you know it 

XX


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hello ladies 

Me again - hope you're all well...how did it go Ladydee? Hope it was all OK and you are safe and resting at home now...  

Day 11 for me and did a test which was of course negative stupid I know but it doesn't bode well I feel...no signs of anything now apart from sore (.)(.) and odd twinges which is probably the Cyclogest anyway....maybe I'm just preparing myself for bad news...sorry to put negative karma into the thread...don't want to depress anyone else...

New cleaner upset me a bit today as well...she launched into a long tale of woe about her period being 10 days late and the fact that it wouldn't be a good time for another baby....tried to say appropriate things as my insides curdled...why is it so easy for other people - they're not even trying

Bye for now 

  

ps note to self - stop being such a miserable g*t - the fat lady hasn't sung yet...


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi Elites,

Came home from EC at approx 2pm it was a tiring day. When I got home I went to bed and slept until 6.30pm then went to Acup. I am feeling almost normal since Acup, she used a few needles and an infra red lamp. The strange thing is my (.)(.) feel like they have inceased in size and are realy sore, maybe it is my HCG injection working .

Anyway, 7 eggs were collected, 1 was empty so 6 in total currently being fertilised as we speak. (I have everything crossed. I will find out tomorrow how things went but hopefully ET Sat) .  I am now feeling a bit aprehensive will we get to the next stage. Worrying are my eggs good enough, etc etc. Anyway I will have the answer tomorrow. 

Cotsworld Girl and Jo, thanks for your well wishes.

Goldielock, do you think you are you testing to early, and that is the reason  why you are getting a negative result? My clinc said I should test 18 post EC and gave me 12th March as test date. I asked why can't I test earlier and they said it takes a min of 14 days for the HCG to leave your system and up to 4 days for bloods levels to normalise. So the risk is, if you test early you may get a negative when in fact it should positive.  

Your post has just reminded me I have to take my first Cyclogest tonight, quick question are you also taking Prognova?

By the way don't worry about the cleaner, thats how life is somethings. If you really wamt something then it dosent happen. But when you lest expect it that when it happens. So do not stress and stay postive "it isnt over until the fat lady sings"

Also hi to the other Elites ladies out there.

We need loads of            

and           

Must dash now, feeling a little queasy.


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Goldielocks - that's right the fat lady hasn't sung and I don't intend to   You've just tested too early! Sorry to hear you're feeling   the 2nd week really is difficult. Sore (.)(.) is still a good sign - I didn't get those! So hang on in there and try to take things easy    
As for the cleaner    It seems to me that the whole world is pregnant or pushing prams grrrrrr. Still people could be looking at us that way someday not realising the trouble we've gone through to get there   

Ladydee - well done, 6 eggs is eggcellent  Hope you get some sleep tonight, waiting for that call to see how many have fertilised is stressful but we're all rooting for you here hun. Hope it's really good news for you in the morning    

Anita - how are you today? Have been thinking of you and Sibbs.    

Well my AF started yesterday so PMT gone and I'm booked up for March/April cycle (horray and yikes!) I'm also off to clinic on Tuesday for a scan to check my backache and pains around ovulation aren't due to cysts. Hoping the scans are clear then I can start trying to be    

Take care everyone,

CGxx


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi girls , sorry not really posting these days, but spent all day at hospital. Suspected ectopic. HCG levels were 13 then 9 then 42 yesterday , 50 today. Was sent home as no abdominal pain and lots of bleeding assumed to be my period. Very painful period. Told not the normal signs of ectopic , although an ectopic can be devious to trace, so will get monitored tomorrow and monday and take it from there. Scan showed something around right ovary but could be anything , some fluid, but couldbe the detox from drugs or period. A small cyst they are not concerned about if it is acyst. Only place where ectopic at this stage could be suggested. However to early to see an ectopic, so was given a chance to wait , or go for lap today with possibility of missing the ectopic if exists as too small , or doing a lap for nothing as just a biochemical pregnancy or more likely according to senior doc, a very early miscarriage. But the scan shows possibility of ectopic which would mean if confirmed lap in about 2 weeks or less, with possibility of losing tube. 
I am distressed but not about the pain or the BFN ( this at this stge would be good news!!) , I am distressed about losing a much needed tube !
We'll see. Right now bleeding loads, so if not period then hoping it is early natural miscarriage and evacuating what is not working normally so that levels drop. Been told can not be a normal pregnancy at all.

Sorry no personals, Ladydee, good luck for et, very good ec results!Goldilocks, try and relax, day 11 too early to test.Best of luck to all of you!
Future Mummy


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Dear Future Mummy,

You really are going through it hun, I'm so sorry to hear they suspect an ectopic - nature really is perverse at times  

Really hope that you don't have to go in for a lap and that your blood levels drop. 

Thinking of you and sending you lots of         

Take care,

CG xxx


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## BBpiglet7 (Dec 16, 2006)

ladydee - fingerscrossed for some fab news when they ring you to say how many embies you have. I didn't know clinics did et on Saturdays but wishing you the bery best of luck.   Hope you did your Cyclogest ok. I have to take the botty bombs for ages yet  

Goldie - I bet you tested too early hunnie. Try to resist doing it again until your official date if you can - easy to say, i know. All my everythings are crossed for you  

FM - what rotten luck you're having and I'm sorry to hear it   I do hope all is sorted out for you quickly

CG - glad to hear you've got your cycle booked - Spring time, new life etc   

    to you all


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi Elites, I hope you all had a super Friday.

The embryologist called this morning and two of my embies have fertilised so I am scheduled to have day 3 transfer at 12.00 tommorrow.  I am so relieved.     I was half a sleep when she called at 10, and I didn't ask any questions regarding the low fertilisation rate, but I suppose it was probably due to me being a Elite. 

The news didn't quite sink in until this afternoon whilst I was snoozing on the sofa. I just realised that for the fisrt time life "IE mini me and DH" had been created outside of me. I felt quite moved and emotional and did shed a few tears. 

So my message to our embies is: 

"keep dividing and growing I will be coming to collect you guys tommorrow"

Strangely, I am still calm but nervous and excited at the same time.. At the moment it is all of out my hands. I am trying to stay positive that everything will be ok. (I still have everything crossed). I am just praying for tomorrow so I can have my embies with me and then can be "PUPO". 

BBPiglet7, my clinic do ET and OST scans at the weekend, but I have never been lucky to have an appointment at the weekend. I have to take the Cylogest back door upto  ET then front door. So hopefully that will reduce the windyness.  
On a positive note my (.)(.) are already a size bigger. I always wanted bigger ones, so I suppose this can be classified as a temporay boob job.  

I cannot believe I am almost on to the next stage, another milestone phew. 

Cotsworld girl, thanks for your well wishes.

FutureMummy, I am so sorry to hear things are not going well, my heart goes out for you.  Cuddle^

Goldlielocks, save us a seat, hopefully tommorrow I will be joining you in the "2WW" room. (if you havent moved in the penthouse next door to BBpiglet7    

I am sending everyone weekend       and


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi girls, Not a long email from me as really tired but better, was kept in hospital daytime yesterday, given the choice of lap or monitoring which I chose , was allowed home but offered to stay overnight ( but chose home ) and think I miscarried overnight , got a funny stuff on pad,(I have been bleeding heavily since Monday, and it is my period, and doc said if I am lucky I may miscarry naturally, which is what happened I think) then today back to hospital and was told this evening levels have dropped a bit from 50 to 36 so fingers crossed it is going to be a proper natural BFN next week ( never thought I would love to hear about a BFN!) . The staff at hospital took very good care of me !
Ladydee, good luck for tomorrow , will be thinking of you hun!  
hello to everybody else, I am going to bed now as I am so tired, have a nice week end,
Future Mummy


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Ladydee - Good luck for tomorrow, so pleased you're through to the final stage. I'm not surprised you're excited - I'm excited for you! Sending you and mini "dees" lots of positive sticky vibes.        

Future Mummy - thinking of you and hoping things resolve themselves naturally.   

BBPiglet7 - hope you're keeping well, good luck with your next scan     Thanks for your good wishes, really hoping Spring is the start of new beginnings  

Goldielocks - hope everything ok with you and you're not feeling too stressed     I've got everything crossed for you.  

I'm off to acupuncture tomorrow (I hope) - really missing it...then out for a Thai in the evening, can't wait.

Night everyone,

Love, CG xxx


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hello everyone

Sorry not to have posted for a couple of days - have been a bit stressed,  preoccupied and uncontrollably emotional the last 2 days since I did my negative test - almost like I am grieving before there is definite need to...maybe I’m just an incurable pessimist or perhaps just trying to protect myself from disappointment   

Hope you are all OK...

Future Mummy - I am so sorry about what you are going through - it must have been a worrying and frightening time not knowing what was going on...I hope it is resolving now and you are comfortable and relaxing...it will be good to get to a point of being able to move forward again I'm sure    to you

Cotswold Girl - you're off, great news and glad you are feeling well and positive - really hope everything goes positively for you  

Ladydee - such great news about your e/c and 2 wonderful embryos - know exactly what you mean about the thought of them making you feel emotional - Hopefully they're safely back with you now...it does feel strange to imagine them somewhere outside of you doesn't it...sorry not to have congratulated you before on your e/c  - I have been checking in and thinking of you....hope you can take good care of yourself and relax now for as long as you need...

Meerkat - hope you're doing OK and not going as   loopy as me over the last few days...I've resisted doing another test which is good but now I'm afraid to do one tomorrow or to go to the clinic on Monday in case it's negative again which will be a definite then I suppose...yesterday I was convinced it has failed and was crying my eyes out at work which wasn't great...I suppose the logical bit of me doesn't know for definite - I've still had no bleeding and have sore (.)(.), intermittent AF pains and bloatedness but I dunno - I just had a funny sense the last 2 days that there isn't anything else in there apart from the usual pre-AFness - a sort of emptiness...which made me feel incredibly sad....It feels very much like an occasion about 7 months ago when I got so excited because my period was nearly 10 days late but the HPTs kept coming up negative and then AF came....the positive thinking just isn't happening at the moment…DH feels the drugs have turned me into emotional bubble and squeak and he may be right… 

Oh well – just another 48 hours to get through and it’ll be over one way or another….I must try and be positive – if my embryos are there they’ll feel unwanted….  

 
I'll sprinkle some  for us all !!


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## BBpiglet7 (Dec 16, 2006)

Ladydee - As I'm writing this, your lovely embies will be on board - how exciting! Here's wishing you a relaxing 2WW     

Golidie - I'm so sorry that you're feeling so low, but it's not over yet hunnie. I expect the next 48 hours will be very hard for you but I'm sure we're all willing things to go well for you     

FM -   I hope that this upsetting time you're going through will come to a quick natural end so you can move on and build your strength up     

    to you all


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone, 

Back from my ET (and second Acup session of the day). I now have two embies on board. It wasn't quite the magical experience I had hoped for, but I now have both on board. Finally, I can join all the Hens who are nesting in 2WW and my new status is "PUPO".  (DH thinks I have lost the plot, maybe he is right). 

My plan is to relax in the next 3 days by doing nothing. I will probably resort to reading, watching DVD and daytime TV. 

Goldielocks, sorry to hear you are a bit stressed. There is no point is telling you not to worry because it is only natural  but do try to be positive, "It isn't over because the fat lady hasn't sung yet". 

BBpiglet7, thanks for well wishes and I hope things are going well for you. 

Cotsworld, thanks for positive words. 

Futuremummy, I am sorry to hear you are still having a dreadful time. 

We need some 
        
and loads of 
     

Have a super weekend everyone,


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ladydee, 

Sending you and your 2 embies loads of sticky vibes    

Love, CG xx


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Ladydee 

Just wanted to say good luck to you in the 2ww - hope it goes well and you have positive news - you deserve it....

It didn't work for me this time which felt terrible but is starting to ease a little...I wouldn't want my disappointment to affect you or make you feel uncomfortable....you have done brilliantly with your cycle

Good luck !!! I'm crossing everything for you !!! 

XX


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Goldielocks - Glad you're feeling a little better.    Just take each day as it comes and get some acupuncture in to help you get those old drugs out of your system. They really don't help.... I hope work goes ok tomorrow if you're going back in tomorrow.

Future Mummy - I hope things are ok with you, have been thinking of you   

Meerkat, BBPiglet7, Ladydee, Anita - hope you're all well.

CG xx


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Cotswold Girl and Ladydee 

Good luck to you in the next few weeks...

I shall pop in from time to time to see how you are getting on but I feel I need to spend a bit of time reclaiming the other aspects of my life  

Getting the official result form the clinic yesterday was pretty grim and upset me all over again. The pain from this process has to end sometime I'm sure...I don't know what I'm going to do yet it's too early to decide....I suspect I'm not strong enough to go through this again...  

But it does work out for a lot of people and I want you guys to be part of that group 

Will be thinking of you and sending positive sticky vibes for you both 

 to you both 

XX Goldielocks (Vicki)


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi Girls,
Goldielocks, Take time to get over all this sweetie. It will get better, I am sending you lots of   
Ladydee and Costwold Girl, hope you are doing fine 
Future Mummy


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Goldielocks,

Hope you feel a lot better over the coming weeks. If I'm honest I felt the same as you after first failed cycle but I suppose I just don't want to regret not trying at least one more time. Still not sure I can get as positive about it as the first cycle - either for self protection reasons or just because I now realise I could be in for the long as I didn't get lucky on first attempt. Still nothing ventured, nothing gained....

Will be nice to hear from you from time to time but understand you might want some FF free time. Fingers crossed that you and DH succeed naturally.    Sounds like you're in need of a weekend away or a holiday. Sea air and walks by the beach + a posh hotel did DH and I the world of good a few weeks after our last cycle! I fact think we might need to try that again real soon.  

Wishing you lots of luck for the future, 

Love, CG xxx


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone, 

I hope you are all well. 

Future Mummy I hope everything is OK now?

Cotworlds Girl, no doubt you are counting down the days to start your treatment. 

Goldielocks, if you are lurking I hope you are OK.

Anyway here is  quick update from me, well today only day 6 post transfer (6dp2dt) and I cannot believe my clinic want me to test 16dp2dt!. That seems a million miles away. So far I have been taking it easy and generally relaxing but DH think I have taken the relaxation to far. Nothing much to report a few AF like pains and twinges and any everything else imaginary.

Have a super weekend everyone.


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ladydee,

I hope you're still taking it easy and those embies are making themselves comfortable    Don't take too much notice of DH if you can't relax on the 2ww when can you   It won't do him any harm to take on some more of the household chores for a couple of weeks!!

I can now start the count down to my next cycle. I'm at home today, having had a few cysts aspirated yesterday   Glad I had the scan last week now although it did send me into a minor panic.... In fact they caused me a lot of pain on Friday so really glad they've gone, just hope whatever made them occur this time doesn't make them reoccur as don't really want to keep having to go into have them drained.  I'm due to start down regging on Tuesday so will be joining the rollercoaster really soon. 

Hope everyone else is well,

Love CG xxx


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Cotsworld Girl, 

I am sorry to hear you had to have another minor op ie aspirate your cyst, ouch   but on a positive note it wasn't has bad as you initially feared ie a Fibroid.  I cannot believe how quickly time has evaporated and you are about to start your treatment on Tuesday, whoopee. How are you feeling? Will you be doing the long or short protocol? 

Nothing much has happened to me. I have almost survived the dreaded 2WW wait and I am sort of  sane  I have experienced  strange twinges, AF type pain, (.)(.) and fatigue but these can be side effects of cyclog and Progy. Generally, last two weeks, I have relaxed and tried to distress my self and got fatter 

I will be HPTing on Monday day (16dp2dt) if positive I have to arrange blood test at clinic  I really want to test before ie Sat but If I do that I will lose my special status of "PUPO" and have to do housework and Sunday dinner. . 

Regarding testing,  I will add I am a big bag of nerves but trying to keep calm this is totally outside of my control. At the moment I am trying to get my head together, Plan A if positive I will worry for the next 9 months. If not activate Plan B, a nice glass of wine (although no consolation), get my self in shape and try again in 3 months. 

Goldielocks and FutureMummy, I hope guys are well and anyone esle lurking. 

Enough of my nattering, all do take it easy and have a super weekend.


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Ladydee,

Hang on in there..... not long now   Try to resist testing before Monday - you might get a false reading and you don't really want to cook Sunday lunch  

Sending you loads of sticky vibes and babydust - we could do with some good news.

      

Love CG xxx


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Sorry Guys - no good news here 

Just to let you guys know it was a BFN for me.   I tested today which from my calcs today was 15dp2dt and I felt delaying it by another day isn't going to affect the outcome. (although my clinic recommended tomorrow 16dp2dt, I will do a lip service HPT in the morning). We decided that whatever the result we perferred the experience at home today rather than at work. So I used a Clearblue digital and it confirmed I was "Not Pregnant" so did the First Response Early. 

I was aware at the start of this journey that we had approx a 1 in 6 chance and maybe optimistically I felt lady luck would be kind to us and we would get lucky but I suppose the 5 in 6 chance of not being successful won in the end  The BFN has left me feeling  rather numb, empty and upset at the moment   I really didn't expect all these emotions I had simply thought Plan A and Plan B but I suppose life isn't as simple as that.  My Dh has taken it hard and is being the eternal optimistic by saying you never know it may work tomorrow but I know in my heart the result isn't going to change. Hopefully after speaking to my clinic in the morning I will be able to stop the meds to bring on my AF and start my grieveing process and then try to find the life I use to have before IVF. 

I just want to say thanks to Cotworlds Girl for providing me with cyber support, I am sad to say I won't be posting at the start of your journey because I will be taking timeout to get my emotions back in the box but I will be thinking of you. 

Goldielocks and Future Mummy and anyone else thanks for providing me with support and I hope thing works out for you all in the future.

Take care everyone and sorry for the negative post.


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Ladydee,

I've pm'd you.

So very sorry to hear it hasn't worked out for you hun if that's what the clinic confirms tomorrow.

Thinking of you and sending you some cyber hugs    

CG xxxx


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## Happy Mummy (Sep 22, 2006)

Hi Girls,
ladydee, I am so sorry. Sending you lots of  
Costworld Girl, glad the cysts are gone! Not long now before the treatment starts! 
Goldielocks, hope you are doing ok.  

I am not 100% well as I have a bad shoulder . Will get better. never had it before. I finally got the all clear with last HCG test on Thursday, and after a feared ectopic, have been told after 2 weeks of monitoring that it was an early miscarriage. Had another heavy period a week after first one, so hope now will get back to normal. I am trying to get back to normal life, little by little, and don't want to plan another treatment yet. I am giving myself a few months .
Take care all of you 
Future Mummy


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## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hey Ladydee - I've pm'd you too...  you deserved better news

Cotswold Girl - good luck with the down regging and hope you've recovered from your aspiration 

Future Mummy - so glad things seem to be settling down now and that it wasn't an ectopic - take time to recover and gather strength 

OK here apart from horrendous bug this weekend - am still off work today - my boss will definitely think I am such a sicknote !!! Am going to see the clinic counsellor tomorrow...hopefully it will be useful even though I don't expect her to solve everything for me 

Hope everyone else is well 

XX


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## Empty2 (Aug 12, 2006)

Hi ladydee,

Just wanted to send a    so sorry to hear your news.

sending all you girls          

empty2


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## ladydee (Oct 19, 2006)

Hi everyone, 

Thanks for your kind words I knew the odds were stacked against me but I decided to gamble and lost and I suppose I am a poor loser.

Anyway this morning I was up at 2am and did the final two HPT tests they both came back BFN as I suspected. After that didn't feel like going to work because my eyes were still puffy from the non stop crying but I decided to slap on the make up and face the world. 

My god did I have the worst day of entire my life. I got to work at 8.30am at my desk reading emails, saw one of my team, she was smiling and happy to see me, my initial thoughts were I wonder what is up before I could open my mouth she said I have something to tell you.

Here is the transcript of the my hazy recollection of the conversation 

"Just to let you know I will be planning to go on Maternity leave", I wasn't sure what she said so I looked up her and said "sorry I didn't quite hear that, what did you say" at that time I seriously didn't know what she was talking about because I was still in my daydream thinking about my BFN. 

She then said "I had my 20 week scan on Friday and everything is OK so, I thought I would let you know". At that point I am sure my heart missed a beat, I was so shocked I just mouthed "Oh right,congratulations", and gave her a false smile I am not sure how it looked but I could feel my face burning and I am sure she thought something was up with me.

She then said, "it wasn't planned we thought two was enough (she already has a 5yr boy and a 2yr girl) anyway we are now looking forward to this little one, and it perfectly natural no IVF for me. Also, it shows how easy it is to get pregnant at 42, I have met load of mothers my age". 

By 2pm, she had informed the entire office about her good news and then asked to me to meet with her to discuss potential leaving dates and maternity leave etc before speaking to HR. She was pretty persistent about this meeting and had booked a meeting in my Outlook diary, so I couldn't get out of it. So being a good manager from 2 to 2.30 I had the pleasure of meeting with her to discus how much leave she wanted to take, holidays before and after. I even had a few comments like "I have already booked the hospital because I was such a perfect patience they want me back for my third".  I have no idea how I survived this meeting and kept my dignity.

Maybe this is me being paranoid but during our conversation I felt she knew what I was going through and this was punishment because it sure felt like that. I left our meeting wondering was I spotted going to my clinic, did she know someone who worked there because today events were so surreal. 

What the hell have I done to deserve this, life can be so cruel at times and I know it is a terrible thing to say but I wasn't happy for her and was thinking what about me where is our baby. 

3.30pm, I thought I better call my clinic for a follow up appointment I really need some closure on this. I phoned up and explained that I was a BFN and I believe the process was to arrange a follow up appointment as blood tests were only for BFP.  The receptionist asked what is your hospital number and who is your consultant. No I am sorry to hear but "can you call back later xx is not here" and put the phone down. I know I am being ultra sensitive at the moment but a little empathy would of gone a long way. 

Life really sucks and I am scared I have stressed DH out by texting him and calling him all day when I felt tearful. In some ways I wish I had gone sick today but I thought all the raw emotions surfaced yesterday. Is there any more to show up.

I suppose why I am disappointed is,  I had put all my hope into this cycle because I am not sure if this was our only chance but I will find out at follow up appointment.  Also, I am still torturing myself thinking what did I do wrong what may have contributed to our BFN. Anyway, sorry about the negative post I suppose being an Elite I should be gracious in defeat. .  

Once again thanks for your support I know I am being a little emotional it just I had invested so much time in this and maybe I was a bit to unrealistic.  What I need to do is to pick myself up and recharge and try again at the moment I feel quite broken. As they say "time is a healer", one day my heart and spirit will mend.


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Ladydee,

What a cr*p day you've had!  No wonder you're feeling so bad. I for one don't think I could have held it together faced with such an insensitive assault on all fronts from your colleague!  People really can be sooo insensitive....pregnant at 42 with no IVF well lucky her. 

All I can say is that there's no way you can have a worse day than you have today hun. Well done for getting through today, and if you haven't booked any get some acupuncture booked pdq. It won't remove the pain but it will give your body a bit of a boost and help on the emotional front too.

Take care and avoid that colleague at all costs for the rest of the week. I'm sure your DH won't care that you've texted him all day he'll understand why when you explain the day you've had.

      

CG xxxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Future Mummy,

I hope you're feeling a lot better soon - you really have had a rough time of it. Sending you a cyber hug as I know I like a hug when I'm not feeling great! 

   

CG xxx


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## Empty2 (Aug 12, 2006)

Oh ladydee!

You were so brave going in, my heart goes out to you with the rotten day you have now had to endure.  It made me cry reading your post.  

I'm already sensitive and just starting treatment again and I know how matter of fact the clinics are, so you are not alone with noticing their insensitivity, this is the time we want reassurance and answers, afterall it's such a big part of your life the months of getting to this point just to end so abruptly! 

You know we are all thinking of you and all the girls who have had disapointments recently, hope you are feeling a bit better too goldilocks.

Be easy on yourself Ladydee, you and your DH need time to heal.

thinking of you
empty2


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