# am i asking to much from him?



## Magicbaby (Jan 11, 2011)

My DH and i are due to start ICSI in sept and i have had to lose weight in order for us to have this treatment (i have pcos) but my DH also has a very low sperm count which is another big factor - i have suggested he give up alcohol completly for 3 months prior to our treatment so this would mean from June (he also smokes when drinking so this would also too be given up) i want us both to be in the best possible health we can for our treatment in sept! Problem is his 30th is in Aug and he feels he'l be missing out celebrating plus we are away in July so again he cannot drink - im i asking too much of him? 

Magicbaby x


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

no, in my opinion, you aren't. 
it's three months. if the treatment works and you get a baby, it's for life... 
if the alcohol and smoking is really more important, is he ready to be a parent? in my head, a parent is someone who would leap into burning buildings or swim through floods to protect their child..they'd give up everything in order to give their child the best life.. 

what happens if you have a child who (whether or not related to the smoking or drinking) has a disability or other long term problem - would you always be thinking (accusingly) 'if only you hadn't drunk/smoked'... ? 

how could anyone not just do everything they posssibly could to give them the best chance? 

having said that, if he gave up completely for 3 months, a couple of nights 'off' in order to celebrate birthday or something doesn't sound like the end of the world to me..


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## MrsJussiP (Mar 6, 2012)

No your deffo not! Think of everything you have to do for this treatment, they hardly have to do anything. My husband was amazing, and gave up junk food and the odd drink (as he doesn't drink that much anyway). I was dieting to get to the level I needed to be at to start and he did it with me and that helped so much. 

Just sit down with him and have a chat about it, its always best to talk things through. Good luck with your treatment


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## Magicbaby (Jan 11, 2011)

Thank you goldbunny and Mrsjussip for your replies 
i think im just worrying that his 30th may turn into a bender and this could ruin our chances i would be happy enough with him takin a few to celebrate as long as that was all it was   He is ready to be a parent so much more than me he's a natural with babies unlike me and it fustrates him that people can have them while taken alcohol, smoking, or taken drugs etc while we have to watch what we eat drink and do    

 Magicbaby x


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Magic,

In all honesty, I don't think that one night of celebrating will effect the outcome of an ICSI cycle, however I can understand how you feel.

I will just share a brief story of some friends of mine:
My friends DH was told that he had a massively low sperm count and that ICSI was the only way.  For 3 months he ate healthily, didn't drink, took vitamins and when his sperm was retested, it had got worse!  However they had their ICSI cycle and it failed.  They were going to have a 6 month break before ICSI No.2.  They started drinking again, eating rubbish, not taking any vit's and low and behold 2 months later she was pregnant naturally and they now have a son.

I know that having a baby means so much to us, but we cannot stop living and having some enjoyment in our lives.  Me and my DH are starting ICSI soon and we have a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend, however I understand that it is a personal choice.

Good luck with your treatment.

Stacey
x


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## jo2004uk (Jan 6, 2012)

No your not asking too much! If he wants a family as much as you do he will do anything to help that happen.

I asked my DH to stop drinkin and having the odd smoke and he has been really good although is finding it hard when we go out for meals and nights out.

He did have a few drinkies on his 30th but didnt go mad!!

Good luck xxx


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## Magicbaby (Jan 11, 2011)

Thanks Jo
We dont really go out much saving hard for either baby fund   or icsi  again if it doesnt work out first time! my DH has said he will try his best but sometimes you can just get carried away so im just going to have to try and keep him in line   without being too bossy


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear magicbaby
I don't think either that asking him to stop drinking for three months is unreasonable but a drink or two (not too many and definitely not a bender) on his birthday is probably not going to make that much difference (although it would be better to avoid them so that you have one less thing to worry about).  However, I do think that he needs to stop smoking ASAP - not just to maximise your chances of a BFP but also because when you get your BFP and baby, it is just not fair for him to be smoking around you and the baby. Apart from possible harm to the fetus/baby during tx/pregnancy, there is also an ongoing risk from passive smoking (even just from smoke lingering on clothes) once the baby is born (including cot death), so he might as well get into good habits now...

Good luck with your tx.    

Ellie


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## Magicbaby (Jan 11, 2011)

thanks Ellie getting a BFP would mean the world to me i will be having words with him again to get something done with regards the smoking   it worries me the most!!


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