# Best way to find a surrogate?



## Fizzwizz

Hi 

I would love to carry my own child but it would be a great risk to my own health, despite that I have spent nearly 6 years TTC and also undergone IVF. I am not sure how much more trying I can take emotionally and more importantly my health is suffering. 

I am thinking it may be time to consider surrogacy (host). I have 7 frostiness waiting.

The thing is I don't know where to start I would like the surrogate to be someone who was a friend and I could have an ongoing relationship and friendship with. I have no one who could do this for me though. 

Any ideas? 

Thanks.


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## lesley583

I wish i knew the answer to that myself, i think you have to make friends on here but i dont know how to do that yet lol i have tried going into the chat rooms but i think there was just me in there so let me know if you find out plz im the same as you new and trying to find a surrogate


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## ♥JJ1♥

Ff isn't really about finding a surrogate on here I didn't think, I thought it was people sharing their experiences and journey etc but COTS and SUK  etc are agencies that can assist.
Wishing you lots of luck with your journey
L x


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## NatGamble

Hi Fizzwizz

Don't give up hope - there are lots of ways to find a surrogate and the kind of relationship you are looking for is just how things are supposed to work in the UK, where surrogacy is meant to be altruistic.

The law here doesn't allow you to advertise for a surrogate, and it doesn't allow third party organisations (including fertility clinics) to recruit surrogates and match you if they make a profit. However, there are some wonderful voluntary agencies which help surrogates and intended parents to find each other, the best established (as JJ1 says) being COTS and Surrogacy UK. They have different approaches, and if you are looking for a friendship, Surrogacy UK might be the best one for you as this is very much their ethos.

You can also use word of mouth and ask among all your friends and family (if you feel able) - lots of intended parents work with people they already know.

There's more about how the law works in terms of finding a surrogate and regulating surrogacy on our website at http://www.nataliegambleassociates.co.uk/page/Surrogacy-in-the-UK/23/ which you may find helpful.

Loads of luck

Natalie


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## TP.C

Hi Fizzwizz,

By the sounds of your post you'd be particularly suited to Surrogacy UK  They have a strong focus on surrogates and IPs becoming firm friends before even contemplating starting treatment. We're with SUK and find it a friendly and helpful organisation. I can't comment on COTS as I have no personal experience of it. Wishing you the best of luck, wherever you decide to go 

Xx


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## Chicalinda

There are some ******** groups such as surrogacy: im the storknot the mother which arecexcellent for meeting surrogates and other IPs.


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## Chicalinda

Just to let you know thatbthe ** group i mentioned has turned into a secret group to protect the members' privacy so you wont be able to find it anymore im afraid. However, it is an amazing group and i am pleased to say that as a result i am now matched with a surogate. If youndo want to join then you can send me your ******** name and i can add you. Good luck xxx


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## katie34

Hi 
Hope you don't mind me butting in! 
Is the,** group secret ie can anyone see if you have joined the group, it's is just that none of my family or friends know so it would be awful if they found out via **!! 
Xx


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## Chicalinda

Hi katie, yes it is secret. No one can see you have joined or any of the contents. No one can even search and find it. If you want to join, please send me your ******** n ame xxx


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## Bettysjourney

Hey Chicalinda


My name is Betty and following 6 years of failed IVFs and one pregnancy that was terminated due to Edwards Syndrome I am on my last legs but still do not want to give up my dream of having a child.
I would love to explore the possibility of surrogacy and wondered if you may be able to help me join the ** group. I would be very grateful.


Betty x


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## SamanthaB

I personally disagree with joining the stork group on ********. Its not a very welcoming page, and admin are no help whatsoever. If you have opinions or disagree with anything it will lead to you being banned with no explanation as to why. However there are more very nice ******** groups that aren't all power hungry!


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## Rowan22

How are you doing, Sam?
I have to admit I'm struggling a bit today wondering if it will ever happen, if we will ever be a family and it doesn't help that so many of the surros in that group seem to prefer gay couples! Listening to my neighbour's little boy playing in the garden obviously doesn't help. Sometimes, it all feels so incredibly unfair. 
Betty, it's possible to join surrogate agencies, like COTS but there is a joining fee. The forums are supportive on COTS but we're currently struggling to give them the paperwork they require, so I don't know if we'll get any further. It's also fair to say that there does seem to be a long wait, in most cases. 
If you're in a hurry, it might be best to look abroad but it's very expensive in some places and there are legal implications.
Best of luck with your journey!

Rowanxx


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## Chicalinda

I am sorry you feel that way SamanthaB. Many people have found the ******** group an incredible source of suppport and have found a surrogate match there. The group enjoys healthy debates and differing opinions but it does not allow other members to be bullied or upset. Anyway, for those of you who wish to join and find out for yourself, please send me your ** name and i can add you.  Dont forget, if you don't like it you can always leave whenever you want.


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## kkgdjhfjr

** has many groups you can join for helping meet people in a friendship base for surrogacy. I am currently on that journey myself. We are meting a GS surrogate this weekend and we are also meeting SamathaB in october. HOping that one of the lovely ladies we meet will be a match if not we have 2 new wonderful friends. 

If you want to PM me then please do I'll happily point you to a ** group i use! x


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## Sweetnats

Sorry ladies but I was not going to post on here. I recently started to look into surrogacy should my ivf not work it would be a back up. I joined a ** group and have been horrified at what goes on in there. 
I am now in the process of seeking legal advice after someone has spread malicious lies about me. Blatant lies about me saying something about someone. I am a 42 year old grown woman who was looking for advice and now have people saying such disgusting stuff about me I am horrified. As soon as I told the person I was taking legal action she deleted the post. But I have screen shot the whole incident so can prove what happened. 
I for one have been put off surrogacy for life. It is a very *****y environment full of ladies all trying to score points off each other. I'm very saddend by this as the process should be such a lovely thing. 

I for one have never bad mouthed anyone and have every message I have sent so am waiting for ******** to investigate this. But just as a warning before you join a group be very careful.


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## lisa_A

I would be a surrogate for someone.


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## Sweetnats

Lisa for me personally if you are interested there are some great agencies. That are run professionally. Cots and suk I believe. I would consider joining one of these. 

** groups are very unstable. I went on looking for advice, never said a bad word against anyone (not my style) and have horrendous stories made up about me. For the last week not even commented and still getting the back lash. Too many people interfering in people's lives. With no idea of the implications they have. 

Surrogacy in the uk is so not for me should I ever need it

I wish you luck


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## Chicalinda

COTS and SUK are great places to find surrogates in the UK. The downside is that they have high joining fees of around 1000 pounds and they don't guarantee that you will be matched or that the journey will be a smooth one. But it is definitely worth looking into. 

I was about to sign up with Cyprus Surrogacy agency because at the time COTS were not accepting IPs as demand for surrogates was too high and i thought SUK would not be able to find me someone given that i am not childless. Cyprus surrogacy had an even higher joining fee of 2500 pounds but they seemed to be able to guarantee a surrogate. A friend of mine introduced me to the ** group as a support group. I did not expect to find a surrogate there. I quickly felt at home as everyone was very friendly. Two weeks later i was matched! Needless to say, i didn't bother with an agency after that. To be honest though, i feel pretty confident with the surrogacy world because we have been there once before. Perhaps if i were completely new i may try and join an agency for more guidance but i would still join the ** group as an additional network. It is free after all and you can leave it if you don't like it. There are surrogates on the ** group currently looking to help out IPs some are attached to agencies others not. New people are joining all the time. The group counts midwives, lawyers and social workers as members so there is lots of advice to be gained even if you use an agency. Anyway, feel free to see for yourself, i can give you details. You may even recognise people from this forum there.

Good luck to you all


Xxxx


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## lisa_A

so to join as a surrogate u need to pay?? i have my family complete now but would help someone else.


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## Chicalinda

No as a surrogate you dont need to pay. Sorry, i was talking drom an I.P point of view. Xxx


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## Rowan22

Hi Lisa,

We've joined COTS as IPs and you do get support on the forums, etc. There isn't a joining fee for surrogates but you will need health checks done. Surros have their own forum. It's a wonderful thing you're thinking of doing.   
We are now in the COTS system and our details can be circulated to surros. I am excited!   After eight years of heartache, perhaps we have finally found the way forward and one that doesn't depend on me and my stupid body actually doing what it's meant to do!

Rowanxx


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## Sweetnats

Rowan

I am so so pleased for you. I will keep everything crossed that you are matched soon. I know what the heartache is like. Good luck x x

Natalie


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## Rowan22

Oh, thank you, Natalie! I hope this wretched journey is soon over for you, too and you're holding your little one in your arms!   

Rowanxx


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## lisa_A

Hi all, just sent cots an email so we will see how things go.

Xxx


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## Sweetnats

Thanks rowan have another 4 goes left. So let's hope so!

Good luck Lisa. Hope you hear from then soon.  X x


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## fiona in welwyn gc

Hi,

I don't know if anyone is still reading this thread but I am looking for any help I can get about surrogacy.  As you can see from my signature, I have had many cycles and 6 early miscarriages.  I am coming to the realisation that my body does not appear to be able to carry a baby.  

I am open to other avenues but surrogacy seems so difficult ... I read on one of the websites that you might never be matched?  I am exhausted emotionally from my treatment and I am not sure if I have the energy to jump through more and more hoops.

Has anyone got any words of wisdom for me

Love Fee
Xx


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## Sweetnats

Hi Fiona 

I know exactly where you are Hun. We have had many fails now. I have had 2 natural early mc and so far 2 early mc on tx and a chemical. So I understand how draining this is. 

We still have some snow babies left but starting to worry that we would have to think about not having a baby if these fail. We agreed we wasn't ready to give up if that happens. 

We looked into the surrogacy route. It's not as bad as it seems. I have had a very bad experience from a ** group but there are many other groups out there that seemed great. I have in the process met and made some lovely friends of the groups. A few of them are surrogate and currently pregnant for ladies as we speak 

It's not as daunting as I first thought. There are many surrogates In the uk. And a lot also do this independently. There are organised groups you can join like cots or surro uk. But these charge a fee for ip. 

It's best to find out all options before making a decision. I think for us, I don't want to pay out all that money again for a what it? As ivf seems to be for us. It "may" work. Like you, if my frosties don't work it's either my eggs or my body. So would look to take this out the equation. 

If you ever want to chat feel free to pm x good luck in whatever decision you make x


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## fiona in welwyn gc

Hi Sweet,

Looking at your profile, I wonder if you have ever been treated for miscarriage?  You seem to produce plenty of eggs (do you have PCO?) so it would appear you have good chances with your own egg.  I was prescribed 40 mg prednisolone and intrallipids for my miscarriages but since then have not become pregnant.

Your experience on ******** sounds frightening and I have to say I am wondering whether just to join an agency and be done with it.  Yet more money!

I have just written to dr Braveman about Neupogen - a new injection to help with repeat implantation failure and recurrent pregnancy loss - this might be something else you could look into.

Fee
xx


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## Sweetnats

Hi fee

Yes I have pcos. As my doc has said I have great embryos. But they can never tell what happens when they get back. I currently am on Progynova, clexane, cyclogest and prednisone. Plus metformin for the pcos and we have also just stared using embryo glue. We will keep going with these ones that are left. But after that would definitely look into surrogacy and I wouldn't want the "what if" with my eggs if that makes sense. As I will be 43 at that stage so don't want another year of whether it will or won't work

It may be worth joining the ** groups. Lot of ladies are on them and you can get advice some good advice. It was just the way things were handled and certain things that were said. You have to remember there are a lot of pregnant ladies on there. So very hormonal! Things in text sometimes are not what they seem and can be interpreted wrongly. Which can cause all sorts. But some groups are fantastic. But not for me!!! 

Never heard of neupogen? But might mention to my doc if this is another fail. Although our clinic is in Norway. So they are not always convinced about some things!


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## ♥JJ1♥

Neupogen is otherwise known as GCSF and has started to be used to help with lining issues (Dr Gorgy in London is using it) there is a thread in the Immune section on FF about it. It is widely used in oncology to help pstients recover their counts when neutropenic. Sometimes they are injecting it or other times they are doing intruterine washes with it.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=242395.0 in the FAQ's under GCSF and if you do a FF search it comes up

l


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## Rowan22

Hi Fee,

I remember you from looking at the one good egg thread, when I was hoping my body would actually produce one! I'm so sorry you've had such a horrendously difficult journey.   
We are looking into surrogacy as I have so many health issues that IVF would be even more of a lottery than it normally is and we could only afford one go with donor eggs, anyway. We're with COTS. There is a wait and it varies, some people seem to be chosen within a couple of months, for others, it's much longer. 
I'm afraid I have to second what Nats says about ******** groups. I was a member of one for about three weeks before I discovered that access had been denied. I have no idea why.  I won't try again. 
The alternative is to go abroad but that can be very expensive and also raises all sorts of legal issues. In some countries, like the USA, surrogacy is much more of a business and it's run in that way. It depends on your finances and how you feel about surrogacy as a business transaction. 
Best of luck whatever you decide.

Rowanxx


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## Hulkster_89

I agree with what others have said. You can find some lovely surros on the faceook groups, just be careful to make sure you get on one of the better ones... I too have had bad experiences on one certain group, wish Id listened to the warnings given to me lol. But me and my partner are now matched with a lovely surro and we are indi (no agency at all). Don't be scared by the thought of surrogacy there are lots of things to consider and it can become a minefield.. but if approached correctly it can be the most beautiful of journies


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## Chicalinda

Hi rowan

Which ** group are you referring to? You are welcome in the ** group you and i were part of but i did notice you are not part of it anymore so i wonder if you accidentally deleted yourself? Let me know if you want me to add you again xx


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## Rowan22

Hi Chicalinda,

I guess that must have been what happened, though I don't remember deleting myself. I just tried to log in one day last week and found I couldn't and I haven't been able to access it since. I have no idea why. The emails have stopped, too. 
I thought it must have been something I said!    


Rxx


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## Chicalinda

Rowan, I will add you back on then! Xx


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## lisa_A

Hi ladies heard from cots I have to hAve blood tests, police check, letter from my gp and then I get a list of IPs  xx


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## fiona in welwyn gc

Hi Lisa

I just wanted to say that whoever you are matched with will be eternally grateful to you, I promise you.

I think it is an absolutely amazing thing that you are offering to do ...

Love Fee
xx


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## nic100

Hi, I am a Host surro and I met my couple through COTS ( our story was in the paper at the weekend!!) I Think the story proves that you can never give up hope 
Cots worked well for us, but I am now also a member of a fab ******** group that is very supportive, with people who have knowedge of lots of different things.
Good luck everyone x


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