# IUI With Vaginismus Part 22



## Candy (Mar 8, 2004)

New home my sweets x


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Polly,

i didnt know you were from N'orn I'ron. Where are you from exactly?

dd


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Morning all

Polly, househunting is going slowly.  I have a list of 'musts' and I don't think a house exists that covers them all!    I still have no idea about setting up the yahoo chatting thing, I'm not being stand offish, however I don't think I'm ever online when you lot are doing that anyway!  

Annie, thanks for the reassurance re s.  It does still hurt a little bit still but I know (deep down) I can relax myself through it in a few minutes I just need to remember that.  I think sometimes I convince myself I'm too tired/too drunk as an avoidance strategy...   I don't know why bf puts up with me sometimes, and instead of being annoyed with lack of s he buys me presents (got given the Sugababes album last night!).  I think sometimes I'm pretty ungrateful and don't know how lucky I actually am.  

Deedee, I've never been pg but I suspect I wouldn't believe it had actually happened to me until the baby had actually made it's appearance 9 months later  !  But wow I am still in awe of how great this is for you.  

Donna, I wouldn't tell your boss anything at the moment given that she's been so unreasonable to date.  I would definitely go on Friday (have a sickie or say it's a doctors appointment) and worry about the other appointments when it gets nearer.  At the end of the day, you have to put yourself first.  The hell with your boss and her communication skills issues!!

Emma, sorry I think I've missed you so hope the move goes ok.  

Yep, knew George Clooney had a villa at Lake Como  but maybe we do need somewhere with slightly more to do... been to Milan so a trip there is out.  Need to do a bit more reading I think.  I'd heard a lot about mugging in Barcelona hence changing my mind ... 

Gotta go, emails are coming in.

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning All!

Polly - Wow! that was one long post. To answer your question I have no idea when the building work is going to start. I'm still trying to find a builder who isn't wanting to bankrupt me! 

Injecting is going well then! Any nasty side effects to report? Do you mind me asking when you are due for basting?

Emma - You're probably incommunicado right now, but hello! 

Donna - Your Boss has to allow you time off for fertility treatment. You are only required to give as much notice as possible. Don't let her possible future attitude towards it cause you any more worry than you'll have as it is. Your priority is to concentrate on your treatment and nothing and no-one else! 

DeeDee - As Polly said (cheekily!) I did not believe I was pregnant until I went for my 12 week scan. I did 5 hpt's, a blood test at the hospital and a scan at 7 weeks.... and still didn't believe it!  It takes a while for it to sink in that it is really happening. The shock for Ladies such as ourselves who experience problems and wait forever is staggering. I still can't believe it happened for me after nearly 4 years. I still think it's all too good to be true. 
You'll be fine hun. The symptoms will kick in soon enough if they're going to. You might be a lucky one who doesn't have anything! Those 12 weeks come around pretty quickly!

Claire - Morning! Are you back at work today?

Well, I'm back at work today for some rest! I'm pretty much all packed for Vegas. Polly - water is in there and aisle seat reserved! 

I've had quite a stressful couple of days and I feel incredibly wound up. The list of events is too long to list, but to give you a snippet - DH got mega drunk Saturday night and was a useless lump on Sunday when we had a load of stuff to do, the MG is making some nasty expensive sounding noises now that I'm ready to trade it in and the pertol cap froze on it Saturday morning making me 20 minutes late for my first accupuncture session in 6 months!

I am very much feeling the need to stand on top of a hill and scream out loud!.... instead I am going to ignore all these problems and bugger off to Vegas for some retail therapy and gambling!


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi 

Claire - I'll pm you the "how to" guide to yahoo, you're not missing out on loads, as it doesn' happen that often anyway (oooo, just thought, maybe it does but I'm not invited.. ) and then you can log in if you want to and take your chances like everyone else! 

Deedee, I'll pm you tonight about where I'm from - I get a bit skittish about revealing too much on here, as our every word is recorded for posterity  

Annie - I am on day 7 today, and going for a scan tomorrow evening. I guess that basting will be on Monday, but could be Tuesday. I feel like I have a belly full of leadshot! Mostly on the right side as per usual, I haven't yet ovulated on the left, so I think I probably never do. I was VERY grumpy over the weekend and a real case of the blues on Sunday, which I put down to the extra drugs. The jab isn't suppposed to have any side effects (apart from the leadshot), but maybe I reacted more to the clomid because of having more drugs?  Anyway, got another one to do tonight, and on Thursday. BTW, sorry for being "cheeky"   . Great combination - bossy AND cheeky!  

Amazing that you are all packed - I usually do it in the half hour before leaving the house - if it wasn't for deadlines, I'd never get anything done!

Hope Emma is taking it easy driving to SIL with the doggies.

Love
Polly


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Aah, finally someone else has come online! We've all been really quiet today - just me having a skive again then! 

Polly - If I don't get a chance to say it again, best of luck with basting when it happens. As always I shall have all of my bits crossed for you.

Pleased to hear that you're not suffering too badly with side effects. It could be worse than a bit of leadshot and grumpiness!

Please don't ever stop being bossy or cheeky, although I really don't think you are either of these things in great doses. I love you just the way you are  

I would be in a cold sweat and shaking if I wasn't organised at least 5 days before travelling anywhere. I also have a strange thing about having to have the whole house clean before I go  . I often take the day off before departure to polish and clean- -ooh and I have to have clean bed sheets on for the day I get back.

What can I say


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Annie, I'm with you on the cleaning / polishing before going on holiday (I won't even leave a mug unwashed) and also on the clean sheets ready for the day back.  I also start to pack about a week beforehand (and I write a list...)     

Sorry you've had a bad few days  .  I've had a clumsy and stressful day today, I got to work and dropped the bag with my cereal bowl in it, breaking it into four pieces, and it's been downhill ever since.  There is this hook-nosed witch woman I have to work with occasionally and she's been on spectacularly pain-in-the-**** form all day as well.   I'm off to my parents tonight for a homemade biryani and I can just tell I'm going to consume a vat of alcohol!

Polly, what do you 'consult' in, if you don't mind me asking?  I've been puzzling over it and trying to guess but it's been months now... you might not want to say on here though given your recent comment about being skittish about personal info on here.

Hi everyone else, hope your days went well.  

Claire x


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Claire, Deedee, I'm really sorry, but I obviously deleted the "yahoo how to" in a fit of spring cleaning. I'll just wait until Emma gets set up again and see if she has the copy I sent her, if not, I'll redo it for you.

I'm with you guys about the clean house and the fresh sheets for coming home. Absolutely! 

Claire - was it Take Your Cereal Bowl to Work Day? I must have missed it    ! I'll consult in anything that's required! But I say I specialise in regeneration I suppose. But I'm also thinking of offering a Tidy Your Office And Get Your Filing System Organised service. I have too many ideas! Maybe one day I'll decide what I really want to be   . I'm at a bit of a crossroads and a dither in my life, but I call it being a consultant and hope that no-one notices!

Annie - Thanks for your wishes re basting. I'm getting a bit more positive now - just hope that DH's   are behaving better than last time. Dontcha think that the little  pics are a bit morose. We could do with some happy ones with a bit of life - well, you lot don't, but I do  

Well that's it for now.

Love
Polly


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi all

Polly, it was Go To The Gym Before Work To Burn Off Christmas Calories And Then Eat Breakfast At Work Day yesterday , at least in Claire Land  .

Never mind being organised, I need a Get a Filing System Full-Stop consultant!!!  (at the moment I'm filing into the round receptacle under the desk!).

Annie, hope things have perked up for you since the weekend.

As expected I had too much to drink round my parents last night so no s again.  Are aiming for tonight now, bf is cooking.  

Hi Emma, Donna, Deedee.

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Afternoon!

Things have perked up since the weekend. DH took me out for dinner last night and I've only got 2 and a half hours left at work. I've eaten a Burger King for lunch and topped it off with a jam doughnut when I got back to the office - all is good! 

Claire - Wishing you a pleasant evening   

Polly - I agree that the wiggly smiley on here is a bit on the negative side. Maybe we can start a campagin for happy wigglies?!? 

Well, Bon Voyage one and all. Behave while I'm gone! I shall try and log on when I get back on Tuesday. 

Byyyeeee


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi all,

Annie hope I haven't missed you, have a lovely RESTED time away.

Polly, I am going to try to book an appointment at guys before next AF but so far they have said I should phone when it arrives but then we will probably miss that month which I don't want to so trying to talk them into seeing me before. Thing is I am not paying this time so what they say goes 

I see that with injectables you are basted earlier, is this the same for clomid to?
I ovulate naturally on about day 15/16 will this be different on meds? I know everyone is different but trying to get rough idea so i can plan things at work.

Problem with work is theat really if I am off cover needs to be found as we SHOULD maintain staff to child ratio at all times, this is why on teh one hand I think it wil be better to tell boss whole story so she knows I am not being awkward and just taking time off. But if she knows full story she is likely to get funny about that to!
I planned to tell her today but she wasn't in! so will try and pluck up courage tommorrow  

Hope everyone is well

Deedee and claire how are you?

Have we lost Emma

Must do some college work now 

Donna xx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

I have hardly done any work   I am so bihind but never seem to have motivation to do it.

Instead I have been looking up acupuncture on the net as thinking of having it alongside treatment this time round.
I have contacted 1 in my area got her details for the British Acupunture Concil or something like that.
She charges £50 per sesion and that includes a herbal remedy/treatment to. The price is about what I expected but I cant afford £50 a week I just don't have that kind of money spare each week or even each month


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Donna - You haven't missed me!

As you know I am very pro accupuncture, so I don't want to be seen swaying you one way or the other on it. All I wanted to say is that £50 per treatment seems a bit steep. I pay £30.00, but admittedly that is without herbal remedies. 

Also, can I just point out that you might not need a session each week. A good friend of mine went to see my acupuncturist on her last IVF cycle. Don't know if you remember me telling you about her. She ended up pg with twins.

Anyway, she was only having accupuncture in timing with her IVF appointments. EG - just before egg collection, just before having them put back and one just after they had been put back. 

I know IUI is slightly different, but when we were all geared up to go for it I asked my accupuncturist when she would want me in and it was very similar - just before ovulation, just after basting.

I can see why they might want to do one or two before hand though to get you "primed" for treatment.

Do some more research into accupuncturists in your area. Many specifically specialise in fertility treatments and understand the processes really well - like mine! Have a chat with these people and get a feel for them.

You could also ask on the complimentary therapies thread for reccomendations in your area.

Don't know if that helps at all?


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Donna - you are as bad as me at buckling down to work!   It's just too easy to get distracted on the computer.

Annie - have a great time!

I went for a scan today - day 8 - and no follies. I was a bit shocked, but the consultant wasn't in a chatty mood (he had a terrible cold) and never seems that forthcoming to me anyway. I don't often get scanned as early as this, but I thought that there would be something. I've asked a separate question on the board about it, as obviously we don't collectively have that much experience. I will probably ring tomorrow to talk to the nurse, who is a bit easier to talk to.  

Claire - go and get your knickers off girl! (sorry, was that TOO cheeky and bossy!  )

Deedee, Emma, Hi!

Love 
Polly


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi girls,

Things are a bit quiet aren't they?  

Donna- You mentioned taking herbal remedies and having acupuncture. I read about agnus castus and dong quai and strated taking them as I heard they regulated cycles and ovulation but it was advised NOT to take these as well as fertility drugs. I stopped taking them when was prescribed clomid. I would check it out with someone 'in the know' before you take anything herbal.

Polly- did you get to speak to the nurse?

Claire- any 'jiggy-jiggy' lately?

Emma- hope things are ok. Its quiet without u 

Wonder what Annie is getting up to, she probably hasnt even arrived yet!

Oh, by the way, I still dont have any symptoms. I thought I had a strange taste in my mouth and my boobs do seem to be a bit bigger (maybe Im just imagining things).

TTFN

ddxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi Deedee - want to meet in the chat room?

Polly


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi all,

Phoned guys today (well DH did ) as we wanted to go in and talk to them before treatment but they said its all sorted we are doing IUI with meds, before our last unmedicated cycle we did discuss our next step so guess its all there in our notes so no need to talk about it again. DH asked what meds and they said Clomid. I am expecting AF anyday now so next one will be due around the 5th ish of march they said they would order in the meds so its ready all I have to do is phone them on CD1 and they will book me in for a scan on CD2/3 which will be nice I am sure the Dildocam is bad enough without AF.
Polly when were you scanned when on clomid?

Think I am going to talk to manager tommorrow tell her the truth and see how she handles it if she is a complete bi**ch about it then I'll think about leaving and temping for a while but don't really want to do that.

Polly I am sure no follies is nothing to worry abaout CD8 is very early, I don't know much about meds but I am sure its is fine. When is next scan?
Are you still temp charting? I am thinking of starting again - not that I got far last time 

Deedee don't worry about lack of symptoms, who wants morning sickness anyway! looks like your one of teh lucky ones and will sail through your pregnancy!

Claire how are you?

Donna xx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi all 

Wow! Really quiet today. I've been out pitching for work with the firm that didn't take me on (if you see what I mean). Got back to an email telling me thanks but no thanks for the job that was with the Americans. A bit fed up with that.   Never mind. Maybe I need to just concentrate on the consultancy. And I do have a couple of other jobs in the pipeline. (dither dither)

Donna - looking back, I was scanned day 9 twice and day 10 twice, so day 8 isn't much different. And there were always follies before. Just for information, the consultant prescribed 4 injections, and should have prescribed 5, so he wrote another prescription for one more. The pharmacy at the hospital was closed when we got out of the appointment, so I went to get it today at the same pharmacy near Harley St where I get my vag dilators (I also needed replacements, as I had a spate of dropping them while washing them and shattering them   and I managed to get replacements today without getting cross or tearful - so gold star for me!) and it was TWICE as expensive as at the hospital pharmacy.    So it pays to shop around even for drugs. Silly me didn't imagine that there would be any difference.

I'm still temping - not happy at temp rise in last two days - it makes it look like I o'd on day 6. So that is something else to worry about!

Hope it goes well tomorrow. Be firm but matter-of-fact about it. You have as much right to a family as anyone else, but don't get bounced into making any decisions that aren't right for you.  

Deedee - you got off line quick when I suggested chat!! .

Claire  


Take care all

Love
Polly


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi all,

Donna- why are you being scanned on CD 2/3? When I was due to start clomid I was told I would be scanned around CD 10 (just before ovulation)??
Good luck tomorrow when you chat to the boss . She might surprise you and be more understanding than you think. If not, dont take any s**t from her. Stay calm and dont sink to her level. I'll be thinking about you. Just think of all your cyberbuddies backing you up and you'll be ok.

Polly- Sorry I missed you!!!! I must have just logged off and didnt see your message. I had to dash off to a class at 7pm. I'm def up for a chat anytime though. I went into the chatroom for the first time a couple of days ago and couldn't keep up, I think it was a particularly busy night!!
Enjoy this 'dither' time, the right job for you just hasnt come up yet. You sound like you really know what you want to be doing. Good for you!

Hi Claire 

Did I mention that we have an appt with a psycho-sexual counsellor about the vag next week? Has anyone had this therapy before? Is it really that embarrassing? 

bye for now
DD x


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi all

Having a busy and stressful week so not much time to log on.  

Deedee, I haven't seen anyone about the vag so sorry can't help there.  When I was last at Bedford Hospital they recommended I saw someone about it (but said they couldn't refer me) and I had a good cry but never took it further.  I'm hoping I've got it in hand to be honest.  However, if you do go and you don't mind, I'd be interested to know how it is handled.

Polly, I'm sure it's much nicer working for yourself as a consultant than being ground down by a boss?  Maybe that's the way forward?  You certainly don't seem short of work or ideas.    

Donna, I have everything crossed that it goes ok with your boss, if you do decide to tell her today.  

Emma, I hope the move is going ok, look forward to hearing about it when you're back online.

No jiggy jiggy, as you so politely put it, we were both too knackered to even contemplate it!!  Then bf was out last night and I've got a friend coming round tonight so that's a no no too as we'll be very tipsy by bedtime!  It's been a pigging awful week at work and I'm so pleased it's nearly the weekend!

         

Claire x


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Oooh look I got them to move across the screen!  Thanks Polly!


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Clever Claire!  

Donna - I just had another check to see if I had an early scan when I first did IUI or when I first did clomid. I'm sure I didn't when first doing clomid, but might have done for the first (natural) IUI. But they can't do injectibles without the early scan, which was why I couldn't do injectibles in January. They are checking for cysts at that point I think. How did the conversation with your boss go?

Deedee - good luck with your therapist. We went to one for a while, and although it was ok, it wasn't helpful to us, as it just delayed my diagnosis of a recurrent vaginal septum - which couldn't be talked away! I know that Emma has been, Donna, I think, Annie maybe? It's probably a little strange talking about such intimate stuff, but you'll get used to it. Let us know how it went!

Emma - have you moved in? I hope it all went well and you are at least enjoying being in your home with your DH, no matter how temporary it is.  

Take care all.

Love 
Polly


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Talking to myself!  

I'm having a real attack of the blues again today, difficult to say why - there could be any number of reasons, drugs, lack of response, lack of focus, it's cold and grey... I'm just plain fed up, and there's no-one here to play with!  

Love
Polly (who feels a bit sorry for herself)


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Polly

Not been on much today, having a pig of a day, and on way out of office.  

Sorry you're blue...        ... wish I could stay and play but the commute home is beckoning.

Hope you feel better later.  I'd recommend lots of chocolate or something else calorific.  I'll be hitting the wine tonight big time following the most hideous day I've had in some time.  Makes me want to demand bms to get some maternity leave respite!

Claire x


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi Claire

I'd be really happy to hit the wine, but I'm restricting myself to when AF comes (one day only), and that is only recently - been off it since July 2004 - really tough, I can tell you!

I have had some fruit cake though!  

Sorry you had such a bad day, hope your weekend goes well.  

Love 

Polly


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi Girls, 

Is this Friday 13th or something I think we've all had a rotten day today.
First of all the weather here is terrible, v bad fog, grey and freezing. I was at a course today and on the motorway on my way there remembered Id left my straighteners on, well I was 80% sure Id turned them off but nevertheless didnt fancy our house going up in smoke. When I arrived at the course venue realised I was at the WRONG PLACE so before I headed to the other side of Belfast drove all the way home to check the damage and guess what? the straighteners were OFF!!  I raced back to Belfast and was 2 hours late and got quite a few disapproving looks as I burst in apologetically.
Have also just found out that the in-laws are coming tonight  and staying for the weekend AND we have another viewer coming tomorrow. AAArrrrhhhh!!!!!

I think it'll be a family sized Dairy Milk for me tonight as wine is now out of the question. My first Friday night without wine for a long time, Id better get used to it!

Claire and Polly-Sorry you had bad days as well. At least January is over and February is a short month. It'll be March soon and almost Spring...yippeee! 

dd xx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi all,

AF arrived yesterday   Starting to look forward to IUI now but still really scared just don't feel as excited as last time! DH isn't really talking about it so will have to beat it out of him   men!
Also bit confused as to why I am being scanned so early 
Think I'll do some reasearch into clomind as don't realy know to much about it!

Spoke to boss and she was fine, she said she preferred this option to adoption as she felt that it would be harder for me to bond with and adopted child and I would therefore have more time off. From her (business) point of veiw I can understand what she is saying. She was fine about it but we will see if that lasts once I start taking time off for scans etc cause who knows how many that will be!
I also reassured her that it is DH who will be stoppping work and that I am focused on my career bla bla bla and would be returning to work! only a white lie to keep her sweet! feel bad for lying though.

Polly when is your next scan? I hope all is well.

Deedee, sorry if this is personal but I thought you had overcome your vag problems? how did you get pregnant was it not with bms? sorry if I am being insensitive just a little confused.
I did see a pyscho - sexual counceller and found her very very usefull DH alwasy came with me. At first it was embarresing but she made me feel really at ease and like the problem I was having were really common so I felt better. the councelling benefited us although it never made us overcome vag and be able to have penetrative sex. I don't want to bore you but if you want to know more about the sessions let me know.

Must do some college work, so behind as usual


Donna xx


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi everyone,

Donna, you are not being insensitive. For me, it is not the case that we can't have s, it is uncomfortable a lot of the time so I have often avoided it. Penetration is a problem( it just depends how perservering we are) I just felt that it wasn't as pleasurable as it should be.  Obviously when ttc we have had to do it more frequently and this has really brought the problem to light.  I don't think the problem will go away just because I am pg and as s isn't just for making babies I think we should try anything to get help with this so that s can become more enjoyable.  Do you know what I mean?

Im sooo glad things went well with your boss. You must be very relieved now- good for you!!   It is v odd that you are being scanned on cd2/3 as you will have AF. maybe you should ask them why this is

bye for now,

ddx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Just quickly from me

Donna, I think the early scan is about establishing how your womb looks before any drugs start. By the time I started clomid, the world and his wife had seen mine, and probably didn't need to see it again. Anyway, well done for talking to your boss. Hopefully she will remember that she is fine about it when the scans start, but you can remind her if not  .

I'm going for another scan early tomorrow morning - feeling a bit strange about it. I've been doing OPKs for the last couple of days, and they have been negative, but with a line all the same - just not dark enough. Do you always get a line of some kind? Part of the reason I'm not sure is that my temps have been really high since last Wednesday, day 8. It looks even more as though I o'd on day 6   . Anyway, tomorrow will tell.

Hope everyone is well. We need Emma to get back on line here  .

Love
Polly
xxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Not good news - NO follies this month, so we've abandoned.  

love,
Polly


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Feel like I'm talking to myself here  . I got a message back from the clinic this afternoon, but haven't actually been able to talk to them. The nurse spoke to the consultant, and the message that I got is that they've thought of two ways forward. So I will be on the phone first thing in the morning. Bit irritated that I couldn't get hold of them, especially as I was working today and had to keep nipping off to the loo to make the call. However...

Part of me is hopeful that they mean THIS month, but realism says it's about treatment next month. I'll keep you posted. Or keep me posted, as I've been the only one about for days!

Love
Polly


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Polly

Sorry to hear no follies  , fingers crossed on the new ways forward.  Have you managed to speak to them yet today?

Also sorry to abandon you especially with Annie and Emma absent.  Bf had his knee operation yesterday and I ended going home from work as I was worried sick he was going to die, etc. , all sorts of totally irrational thoughts.  Anyway the op has gone ok but I couldn't see him yesterday as the op was at 5.30pm and when he finally got back to the ward and the anaesthetic wore off it was very late.  I'm going straight from work today.  I'm pining really badly and just need to see for myself that he's ok.  

Anyway, he mentioned the big engagement thing the other day, he seems to be thinking of September after we've found a nice house to live in.  Viewed one at the weekend but the location wasn't 100% and I didn't like the man selling it (I realise he doesn't come with the house  but still it put me off!).  Had a good weekend though, went to a lovely mexican restaurant for a pig out and cocktails.  

Donna, any news on why you're being scanned?  I wish I could help advise you but I'm not at that stage yet so don't know anything about getting pg! (although being on here I am learning a lot!).

Deedee, I think you're doing the right thing sorting the vag.  I currently think bf and I will be ok with practice and perseverance but I'm not ruling out getting help if it warrants it as I would like to be able to just 'hop on'   without tons of warm up, a vat of lube and a lot of wiggling and 'is it in?' conversations followed by 'give me a minute' while I try to relax - by which point the pot is coming off the boil!      

Better go, got loads of emails from going home at 11 yesterday.  

Claire x


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi Claire

Sorry, I didn't realise/remember that bf was going for his op yesterday. Hope he is doing ok. How long will he be off work?

I got onto the clinic this morning, and have interpreted the message yesterday wrongly. The nurse says the consultant says it doesn't look good (and I checked, he means in general) and I have an appointment to talk to him a fortnight on Wednesday. That's quite a long time away, but I wanted an evening appt - otherwise everything seems to happen on the day I'm supposed to be working. Anyway I doubt it matters that much as if there really are two ways forward from "things not looking good" they can only be DE or Stop.

I'm a very unhappy bunny today.

Love
Polly


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Polly

Oh heck, I am *so* sorry about that , I'm not sure what to say. However, you don't know that's what he's going to say so I think maybe wait and see when you meet him. Is a donor egg a way forward you'd consider? I don't know how much help I'll be as I know very little about all this but I can be on here to listen.

Bf is currently bedbound which I suspect he will enjoy, he's been mentioning bed baths for a few weeks running up to the op.  I think he'll be off work for at least two weeks maybe more but he seems to think he'll be at the Luton match next Tuesday  (and yes that is valentines day so I'll be on my tod until after 10pm!). Then for about another 6 weeks he won't be able to drive and I'll probably have to take him to work (so bang goes my going to the gym before work!).

Claire x


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Claire

Thanks, but I am fairly sure what he is going to say. I've never been sure that he was that enthusiastic about treating me, and said a year ago that our best chance was DE. I know that statistically that is our best chance, but I wanted the best chance to have a baby from my own egg. I know from the way the nurse (who I have the most contact with) spoke that the thoughts about ways forward are not positive, and also the fact that she made no effort to link the appt with my cycle. She said yesterday morning that she was going to talk to him about whether to increase the injections, or not do them again, as this was the first month I hadn't ovulated with treatment. If it was as simple as that, or different drugs, she would have told me and made arrangements for the next scan or whatever. I am a bit gutted that he might give up with me at the first anovulatory month, as I have two years of charts showing that I DO ovulate, and even much younger women have times of non-ovulation.

I know that you are trying to cheer me up and I appreciate it, but I really think he's going to give up on me. And maybe I should too. I don't know about DE. We can't afford it right now, and it won't make any difference to the success rate if we leave to the end of the year as I understand it. So we have time to make our minds up about that. There are all sorts of issues to think through there.

Sorry - this is a real pity party, as our American friends would say! 

Love
Polly


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Polly

I don't think you should give up.  

If your doc gives up on you then maybe you need to find another doctor who's a little more optimistic especially after only one month of non-ovulation?  However, you know what your limits are, and I can only imagine how emotionally draining it must be.  Have you discussed today's news with DH?  

Claire x


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Sorry Polly, I think I'm probably not helping!  I'll shut up!


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi Guys,

Sorry Ive been awol. Ive been running around like a blue ar**d fly recently- this part-time thing isnt all its cracked up to be. My problem is saying 'no' to things, so any work that comes up I grab it and end up totally stressed out!! 

Polly- Im so sorry about the treatment. Like Claire, Im no expert but what are the chances of seeing another doctor? Are you going private? 
I know that I dont ovulate every month and the OPKs are useless as I was testing the month I got pg and the stupid things told me I wasnt ovulating!! Just call me Mary!! 
You must be feeling rotten at the moment, I just wish I could give you a big hug and make you feel better. Please DO NOT GIVE UP. The wait to see the cons will feel like an eternity but we'll all be here for you. Maybe try to find another doc if you feel this one was reluctant to treat you?
I wish I could be of some help 

Claire- Hi, hope BF is keeping well. Sounds like he need lots of TLC at the mo. Wow sounds like we'll all be buying hats soon!!!! Happy househunting, hope you find somewhere nice.

Well, I saw the sex woman today. What a strange experience! She was v nice and I was able to talk quite freely about things. She seems to think that because we CAN have s that the problem isnt that great. Next time DH and I have to go together- THAT should be fun! I'll keep you posted.

Bye for now,

DD xx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi Claire

yes, you ARE helping - I feel a bit better this afternoon, which I didn't expect. It's my signing on day so I had to go out. You have NO idea what a  complete and absolute  my signing-on lady is. She causes problems every time and I usually end up asking for a supervisor for clarification. Today I got the supervisor, as we have got a bit complicated with DH's age, my part-time work etc, and we needed to make sure we were doing everything right. She was great and helpful and human, and even did our "signing-on" for us. Towards the end, I was wondering to myself if I could ask to be re-assigned (the  makes me so mad!!) when she did something that the  does differently. So we had a little under-our-breath-all-in-this-together mutter about her, and I ended up by saying that I was wondering if I could make a complaint, and the supervisor said that I could, and then she would just write me a letter apologising and nothing would change. But it was just SO clear that this would be just one of a whole series of letters of apology that she ends up writing about this woman! So I just said it was fine and we could just cut out the paperwork then   . But I felt much better just knowing that she is a problem with everyone. She is just such a do-it-by-the-book person, and no amount of jobsearch pleases her! And of course I wind her up back  .

Anyway, that was a long way round to saying that at least something seemed to go right today.

But I have made 2 decisions: one- see if another clinic might be more optimistic (thanks!) and two - call the clinic back and get some proper clarification. There is NO POINT spending the next two weeks waiting for an appt to be told DE or nothing. If that's all he's going to say, then I don't need to wait. If it is more complex than that, or they have some other ideas about moving forward, as opposed to moving on, then they need to tell me that that is what the appt is about, and I'll keep it. My middle name isn't ControlFreak for nothing    

Anyway, I'm really sorry, I was so wrapped up in my own misery this morning, that I totally ignored what you said about bf, engagement, houses etc! You need to find that house soon!!! That'll be so exciting. Do you think that he'll take you away to pop the question? You have to tell me how he does it, as I was never asked, so I get all my kicks from hearing from other people!

Where did you go for your Mexican meal? I've gone off eating out around here a bit, as we went through a phase of not really enjoying it when we did...

Anyway, thanks for being there today.

Lots of Love
Polly xx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi Deedee - our posts crossed.

not going to repeat what I just said, obviously, but thanks for your support. We do go private, as there is no NHS treatment for people my age.

Glad it went well with the sex-lady today - can I ask are you sure that everything is ok physically? - and that you felt ok about talking to her. Do you think that DH will be as relaxed as you, or will it be more difficult for him to talk to her?

Oh, sorry Claire, meant to ask how bf is doing today?

Love 

Polly


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi all,

So much going on so sorry if I miss anyone or anything.

Firstly Polly I am so sorry about this cycle, I feel so stupid now for trying to convince you all was ok when we spoke the other evening but I truely felt you were having a longer cycle. Would you consider a DE I know biologically it wouldn't be yours but you would still carry it and push it into the world and that makes him or her yours in my book. Would IVF be an option for you?
Sending my love and support to you and DH heres a   for you to share.

Claire hows BF doing, how long will he be layed up for? will he be milking it for sometime to come?

Deedee I didn't realise your appointment was so soon, how did it go? I would love to hear about it if you want to share it with me but understand if you don't want to I am not pressuring you.
I agree about wanting to sort the vag problem, I am still hoping that we will be able to sort mine out ourselves but being realistic I don't think it is likely but I cant be ttc and trying to combat vag and for me ttc is priority at the moment but in the future I WILL overcome vag 100%   

I have reasearched clomid on the net and it looks like it will increase our chances of success from 10-15% (unmedicated IUI) to 15-25% this does seem high though so maybe I got that wrong  
I think I am being scanned early to check for cists, well thats what my research tells me anyway. I 'll just do as GUYs says - have no choice really.

Work really busy and I am battling away with college work I am even going to the liabry after work tommorrow as I get to distracted at home.

Donna xx

Hi Annie, how was holiday?

Emma, when are you coming back to us


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi all

Polly glad if I did help after all!  As I say I don't really know much about all of this! I think contacting the clinic to find out roughly what the appointment is about is a very good idea.  

Donna, glad you're focused on the ttc and also pleased to hear you're sticking the college course out for now.  Good luck at the library tonight!

Deedee, glad your first appointment with the vag woman went well.  Like Donna, I'd be interested in whatever you feel happy to share.  Bf and I won't be having s for a few weeks now and I feel like I'm going backwards with the lack of trying but he's being really supportive and I don't feel too bad about it as I know he'll support me every step of the way  .

Bf hopefully coming out of hospital today.  Went to see him last night, his knee is really swollen and he's quite medicated but seems ok.  He obviously couldn't sleep last night as I woke up to a few texts at various times during the night  .  I'm going to take a sickie tomorrow to look after him (his mum's doing it later today when he gets out).

Well I would hope for a romantic engagement but we'll see!  Our March holiday to Tallinn has had to be postponed as the doc says he won't be up to it.    Anyway, we'll just have to make more of the time off we have booked in May instead.

Annie, how was Vegas?

Emma, we miss you.  Hope the house move is going ok.

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning All

I'n back! Had a fab time, but can't linger at the mo to tell you about it. DH is hovering behind me. 

I've read all your posts since I've been gone and I'll be back later to catch up with you all 

Love Annie x


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Welcome back Annie - hope you had a great time!

Love
Polly


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Annie- Welcome back!  Cant wait to hear all about Vegas...

love DD xx


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Annie

Welcome back!  Hope you had a fantastic time in Vegas!!

I'm off to a meeting now and unlikely to get back on here today, and having a sickie tomorrow to look after bf, but hopefully be in Friday to read all about it!

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Again!

Right DH, is no longer reading over my shoulder so...

Vegas was great! We all had a fantastic time. We saw Coldplay in concert on Friday and I have to say they were bloomin good. I wouldn't have called myself a fan of their stuff, but I've liked some of their songs. They impressed me though. Very, very good.

We also saw some other shows out there, did some shopping, and a shed load of walking. I managed to keep up with everyone most of the time. I only called it a day early once due to some severe back and bump ache!

I also did rather well on the roulette tables! I've never really played them before, but I totally caught on and won myself a good few $$$.

Only one little incident the whole time and that was on the plane coming home. The check in assistant kindly gave me a bulk head seat for the extra leg room. I settled into my seat and started pulling on my most attractive flight socks (never again!) when some vile woman came and plonked herself on the seat next to me. She absolutely reeked of booze and **** and was sat so far over my side of the seat that I had to squash myself into the other corner. She kept getting up and sitting on the exit seats and each time was asked to move back. I put up with that about 3 times before I then got up and asked the air stewardess if she could be moved. There was no way I could sit like that for 10 hours as Baby Ruddle really didn't appreciate being squashed into one corner and was letting me know that by sending shooting pains down my belly. 
The air stewardess was lovely and said she would do what she could once we were in the air. So I waited and waited and waited. We finally got up in the air and I was in agony with being squashed. The drunk vile woman had passed out by that point, her head on my shoulder, breathing her booze breathe all over me. The seatbelt light went off and I lept out of my chair. Another air stewardess came over and was offering an exit seat to a guy sat the other side of us. He had seen what was happening and kindly offered the seat to me. I burst into tears and couldn't thank him enough. So, that was the drama of the holiday  

So, back home safe but totally jet lagged. I went to bed when we got home yesterday for 3 hours and then slept 12 hours through the night. Still tired though!

We went for our 3D scan yesterday afternoon. It was totally disapointing. Baby Ruddle is curled up in the tightest ball possible and face down. No amount of poking, pushing or prodding shifted that child. So our pictures are rubbish! Plenty of shots of her ears and legs! The sonographer was really lovely about it. She's invited me back in 2 weeks time to have another go at it.
We took our Mum's with us yesterday and I felt really bad for them. They were both really looking forward to it. Still, she's alright though and that's the most important thing  


Emma - Hope all has gone well with the move!

Deedee - I'm glad things went alright with Dr Sex. The first visit does feel strange, but it's only until you get to know each other. Before long you'll really see the benefit.  
Sounds like you're still feeling alright too! How many weeks are we now?

Claire - well,well, well - possible engagement on it's way and not too far in the future either by the sounds of things. ooh, get looking round the shops for the perfect piece of bling! 
Hope BF is doing well. Are you planning on going the whole hog and dressing up as a Nurse for him  That'd soon get him on the road to recovery  

Donna - Only a few weeks to go then until IUI begins! How exciting! It's all come around a bit suddenly hasn't it? I bet your head is still spinning from it all. One minute you're looking at adoption and the next thing, possibly having one of your own is back on the cards. 
Well, sounds like the people at GUYS know their stuff. I've got everything crossed that this is it Donna. I have a really good feeling about it  
You know I'm here for you the whole way, as I'm sure the others are too. And I wish you and DH all the luck in the world. You so deserve this xxx

Polly - I was so so sorry to hear that this cycle has been abandoned and really cross to hear about the attitudes of your medical team. How bloody rude of them! I can't believe that they're so negative about 1 annovoluntary cycle. Christ, I had more of them than proper cycles since the age of 16! 

Have you had a chance to speak to them today and find out what the Consultant is likely to want to see you about? I guess you can't really make any decisions or move forward until they explain everything thoroughly. 
You know we're here for you   We'll help you in any way we can and support any decisions you make. 

Well, we were supposed to be going out for a chinese tonight for a friends birthday, but DH has suddenly developed a dickie tummy. I really don't want to go on my own, but can't think of a way out of it at the moment. I phoned to tell them DH wasn't coming, got an attack of the guilts and said I'd be there alone - grrr! 

Good to be back Ladies. Speak to you all later xxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi folks

Annie - so glad you had a good time, and at least you got sorted out with that horrible passenger! Did you win more than you lost on roulette? I quite like it too, although we hardly ever go, and then just on holiday. We usually have a budget of €20 or something, and it has to last the evening. I always stick to my budget, but DH tends to double his if he feels the need!  

Love the idea of Claire dressing up  to look after bf!!!    

Donna, your research on clomid is probably right, as they say that usually there is a 25% chance of pg in a cycle for "normal" people. I know you are worried, but the chances are that there isn't anything majorly wrong with you really, so I imagine that it will work for you fairly quickly. Have you given up on s for the moment? I can understand that you don't want to be going through a "programme" of treatment for vag while having tx at Guys - too much! - but are you and DH still having fun sometimes? I know I'm being nosey, but I remember how over the moon you were when you got there last year - I'm hoping it hasn't worn off? And I hope that you got lots of college work done today!? When are you seeing the psychologist?

I rang the clinic this morning, but of course it's not the nurse's place to tell me what the consultant is going to say, so she couldn't do that. So I will keep the appt with him. But there were questions that I could ask, and certainly her answers don't give me any hope at all that I am wrong about what he is going to say. If you see what I mean. It's hard to take, and I can't stop      about it. I will ring a different clinic tomorrow and try and get an appt with someone else just to get another opinion, but of course that won't make me any younger.   

Maybe we should just stop trying, and concentrate on having loads of   rather than concentrating on tx, as it hasn't done our cuddle-life any good either (and there's me giving Donna a hard time about it  ). And give up the not-drinking and get back to trying to lose weight. I know that losing weight would help, but it's hard to do that and keep your body thinking that it is a good time to get pg. I was given a lovely new bike a few weeks ago, so I've been out   a few times this week, which I haven't done since before my op. Again, trying not to stress my body too much. None of that has worked though, has it? And I guess if I stopped trawling the internet trying to get answers, I might stop obsessing. It's just so difficult trying to second-guess what might work - either to get pg or to get over it. And I've got to do one or the other at some point...

I'll stop rambling.

Love
Polly


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Evening all,

Polly I know our situations are different but I know how you feel. I feel like I am constantly running around in circles, making sure i eat this and don't eat that! it was nice the few months we had off ttc as I could eat and drink what I liked! now I find myself thinking about what I am going to buy shopping at the weekend. and yes searching the net for success stories and stats. Its a nigthmare and I think thats what the blip with adoption was, don't get me wrong it is still something I would like to do but now wasn't the right time for us and Yes we rushed into it because we saw it as an answer and a way for all the pain to stop. sorry whos rambeling now  
I would def ring another clinic get there few it cant hurt can it. I don't know what else to say sorry hun, you know I am here for you though. xx

Funny you should mention 's' we hadn't done it for ages. I just could manage penetration we had done other things but I couldn't go all the way. I decided to use tampons again last week as I thought they would boost my confidence and 's' would follow. only problem was when I tried to use tampons the hurt! I was so upset that I was back at square one! Then very very unexpectedly last night I had 's' and it was great becuse ti was just 's' and not bms! now don't get me wrong the 's' wasn't that good but the fact I was doing it with a small amount of ease was fantastic.
We managed to get it in without to much mucking around and it wasn't to painfull once inside I just need to relax more. I truely think we can beat this with practice but we have so much other stuff going on 's' isn't alwasy main focus. not sure how easy 's' will be once tx starts.

Annie, glad your back with us and you had a nice trip away. yes tx is happening quite quickly thats becuase our LA has freed some money from somewhere and used it shorten there waiting lists. Hospital says we can take our time but I was worried that once the new financial year starts that money might be used elsewhere or someone esle might come along who had more priority than us. once we start tx that money is ours!!!! Thanks for what you and everyone has said, I really do hope this works for me. I am scared about clomid and scared that it wont work and scared that it will! just need to get started now I think!

I am trying to relax about it and not let it take over my life but that is so damm hard! I want to carry on as normal as plenty of people get pregnant with out trying or watching what they eat or do but its easier said than done!

Emma, I hope you are ok.

Claire I hope you are looking after bf well.

Deedee how are you and bump doing? (not that its a bump yet)

I am not sure if I told you but girl at work that I thought was pregnant, well she is pregnant! and it is so hard working with her everyday!

Enough of my waffle now........

Donna xxx

College work going very very slowly nto helped that I had allocated myself tasks each day forgetting that tommorrow is my dads birthday so I will be seeing him and not at home working  Looks like i'll be behind this month to


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning!

DH only got worse last night and ended up being ill - all over the bathroom floor! He couldn't get to the loo in time and it went absolutely everywhere  
So - I didn't end up going to the chinese. I spent the night on my knees in the bathroom with a big bowl of bleach!

Polly - How are you feeling today? It's so hard I know and I expect you're feeling defeated right now, but try not to feel too despondent until you've had a really good chat with your Consultant. I think you'll feel alot clearer about your choices and more positive about the next course of action after a proper talk.
Don't throw in the towel yet Polly - we still have many ways we can go  

Donna -  Well done on the S! Doesn't matter that it wasn't the stuff movies are made of, just the fact it happened all on it's own, just because you felt like it. That must have been a confidence boost for you! You're right,you can of course beat this. Just keep having a go when you feel like it and I reckon you'll find that with each go at it you'll find yourself doing it more and it'll become a way of life. - Fantastic!

Right, must go and do all my odd jobs. I'll be back later x


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Oh Annie, poor you having to clean up sick - ugh. And poor DH. Is he feeling any better today?

It's so cold today - I'm just going to light the fire. DH has gone out, but bless him filled the coal scuttle before he went.   We had an early start this morning as we had organised a man and a van to take some of the remaining stuff from the business to someone else, and bring some more of it home. It was one of these men who find it hard to see women - do you know what I mean? So once he had ignored me three times I stopped helping to load, and just stood around making sarky comments like "I'll just be invisible over here then"    DH is really funny in these situations, as he is stuck between me and the other, so he just carries on, but talks to me all the time and loudly to make me feel real. But he knows that I won't be co-operative!

I want to ask a question of those that have dilators: you know I went to get some more as I dropped a couple while washing them? Well, the largest that I had was a size 6, and I had broken that and the size 4, so I thought I'd get a 4, 6 and 8. The 8 seems absolutely enormous! The diameter is 5.5 cm and the length is 15. I was a bit shocked when the salesperson got it out, (oh-er missus  ) but didn't want to say anything!   And I suppose it isn't that different from a you-know-what, but it just looks awfully big. I'm in two minds about using it, but I just wondered how it compares to ones others are using? Gosh - we do ask each other some very odd questions! 

Anyway, going to light the fire and pluck up the courage to ring the other clinic (why does it need courage, I wonder?)

Love
Polly


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi everyone,

Annie- it's good to have you back with us. It sounds like you had a fab time (apart from the plane incident) you must give me some tips for when we go at Easter.
Poor DH, and poor you for having to clean it up!! Is he feeling any better?

Polly- Sorry I can't help you with the dilators- I havent experienced those (yet?) Where do you get them if you dont mind me asking?

Well I had 'booking in' appointment with the midwife today. She took loads of blood, asked me tons of questions and sent me home with a pile of leaflets and information. My first scan will be in 2 weeks. My EDD is 17th September but I think that it is a bit out as my cycles were up the left. My birthday is 22nd- that one should be a blast!!

Feeling really sick now, havent vomited yet but just feel permanently queasy. 
I had some more crampy pains during the week and panicked but apparantly it is perfectly normal. 

I'll check back later, TTFN

DD xx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Afternoon!

Polly - Give the dilator a go girl! Could prove a very fun evening  .  Glass of wine, handful of lube and away you go! Guess you don't know til you try. 
I take it the man with the van didn't get a cuppa or biccie from you today   How bloody rude! 

Deedee - Your Madwives book in early over there... unless  - how far gone are you now? I didn't get booked in til I was 13 weeks.
You must be looking forward to your scan. It seems a bit more real when you have a picture in your hand. 
If you're starting to feel queezy then I have two recommendations for you - Shortbread Biscuits and Preggie Pops!
Preggie pops are soured flavour sweets that you can order off the net. They worked really well for me, but the biscuits were even better. Just nibble one them all day long and it keeps the sickness at bay.
And the crampy pains are definitely normal. They feel just like AF pains, nothing to worry about hun x

DH went to work this morning  He says he feels alright in himself, but he got a rumbly tumbly when he ate something. 
I decided to take another day off work   Went to see my friend the hairdresser and had my roots done instead  

Just settling down to look up car insurance. Without trying to get too excited, there's a chance the MG might be going next week  

I shall pop in and out while I'm online and see if anyone's around xxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Annie - it's hardly worth you going into work tomorrow either!   

And no, the man didn't get a cuppa! Invisible women can't use kettles!  

Deedee, I get my dilators from a chemist near Harley St in London - my first attempt to get them almost gave me a nervous breakdown - if you go back to my first post, you'll see why buying them without tears is a   for me!  But you can get them through your therapist probably or by mailorder. When we saw our therapist I think he gave me a leaflet about how to order them. I think the mailorder ones tend to be plastic, but the ones I get are glass. But I haven't tried the big one yet  . 

Anyway, I'm going to get a hot toddy and off to bed. I've been having a sore throat and a coldy feeling all week, but it hasn't got any worse. Thank goodness, there is a lot of it about!

Take care all

Love
Polly


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi all

Had a lovely skive yesterday with bf.  We watched ET, The Interpreter and some crappy daytime tv and sat on the sofa together all day cuddling  .  Unfortunately got a bit steamy at one point but bf can't move his leg and I have af so that was a disaster!!   He is very grateful for my nurse routine though and said it would be his turn to look after me when I was pg      

Polly, my set of dilators is only 1 - 4, with 1 being quite tiny and 4 being penis size.  If you remember, I really freaked out over #4 and couldn't even look at it until I'd mastered #2 totally and #3 pretty well but in reality it was fine.  I'm at work so I can't measure it (!) but it was pretty long!  I'm not using them at the moment but think I'll need to (more of that in a bit).  Congrats on your milestone.  

Deedee, I bought mine online although I forget where but it wasn't hard to find a good website.  Mine are plastic and come with a screw on handle (maybe they all do?) and are in a little case.  

Annie, Vegas sounded terrific.  Hope DH is ok now?!  Yuck, cleaning up sick, I've not had to do that for bf as yet but I'm sure it's only a matter of time!  

Polly, I hate that when people ignore or disrespect women  .  When I was looking round that house at the weekend the man was looking at me in disbelief that I could even afford his precious house and directed all questions at the men (my dad was also there as he's great at spotting issues with houses and saved me from a few mistakes last time round).  I know I look young for my age but he didn't even seem to believe I already had a house to sell!  Bf also looks young for his age, so between us we probably look early 20s.  

Donna, congrats on the s, for me it happened when I least planned it but we've not done it for a while now for one reason and another and all my old anxieties have returned.  I've told bf how I feel and he's fine with it and quite prepared to be back to the beginning of the having s part, although I'm hoping that like you it will be ok.  I also don't expect the earth to move but hope in time it will be ok.  We've bought some s books off Amazon!  

Emma, missing you, hope the move is going ok.

Right, my new anxiety.  Post arrived yesterday morning and lo and behold I have an invite for a smear test.  I so don't think I can face it, they always hurt so much and I make a fool of myself even though I warn them it will hurt me, I always get looked at like a loon.  I'm terrified of going and of the pain despite the dilators and the s but I'm also terrified of not going.  Bf has said he'll come with me but I don't know what to do.  I felt really upset when the letter arrived and have had it plaguing in the back of my mind ever since.  

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Dear Lord - what was I thinking coming back to work today   I am falling asleep at my desk, I'm grumpy and I'm starving bit too tired to walk down the stairs and get something to eat!

Anyhoo ....


Claire - aaah, we return to the world of smears. The girls got me through mine last summer! I was hyperventilating for days before it and nearly threw up in the waiting room. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be though. The Nurse at my surgery kindly gave me a speculum to practice with at home until I felt ready for her to use it for the test and it made such a difference. You can order them on the internet too. You need a small sized plastic one. 
At first I used to use it in the bath (another tip from the Nurse). Slides in much easier. Then I progressed to using it outside of water, but with some lube! I think I did that for a couple of months and then went for it. By the time the Nurse did it I was quite used to the feeling of it being in me and it was over within seconds. 
I cried my eyes out all over the Nurses shoulder because I couldn't believe I had done it after all those years. You might be able to track back to my posts last July and read all about it.

Don't worry yourself or get upset.You can absolutely do it. If I conquered it, so can you. And I know the girls will help you just like they did me. It doesn't have to be done immeadiately. We can build up to it just like we did with me  


Polly - Hope that cold of your is staying away!

Hi Everyone else - hope you're all well xxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi

Claire - we can get you through this, Annie's advice is good - listen to her! Even though she didn't listen to me - I TOLD you not to go to work   .

I just looked up dilator kits on the internet, and this no8 is definitely bigger than the biggest in the kit Almost 2 cm! . I think I might jsut turn it upside down and use it as a vase!   Could get a dozen red roses in there easy!     

Anyway, it's not warmer today than yesterday!

Take care all
Love
Polly


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Annie, Polly

Thanks for your messages of support, they have actually brought tears to my eyes!  (in a good way)

I think yes I will order one from the internet. I'm ok (-ish) with it going in but when the open it, my god. Ok, so I have a plan, that's good. I'll order one when my colleague who can kind of see my pc screen goes into a meeting.

What in the world would someone do with a dilator that size unless their man was *incredibly* well hung?! Thanks for making my laugh Polly!   

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Claire - You're most welcome! and you can use me as a point of reference at anytime.

By the way, once the speculum was in I honestly didn't feel it open. That was my biggest fear too. I was led there waiting for this forceful feeling and the Nurse suddenly said "all done"   Didn't feel a bloomin thing. Relaxation tips helped me too. I was breathing for Britain  

Polly - Never again will I ignore your advice. BIG mistake coming to work today - HUGE!


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Annie, if only it would be that easy... last time I went I convinced myself I would be fine and I ended up practically climbing the walls.    Haven't been able to make an online purchase as my colleague has been literally glued to her seat all day  .  Sigh!

Polly, good luck with the dilators if you decide to use them this weekend.  

What's everyone doing this weekend?  Anything exciting?  Mine's quite tame, it's my dad's homemade curry tonight, then Saturday doing a gym class in the morning and in the evening have a friend coming round to discuss a June holiday (postponed from last week when she got stuck in London at a work do), and going to meet an old university friend for lunch on Sunday.  And hopefully forgetting about this damn smear test  .  However, as you say, I don't need to book it yet and can work up to it gradually...   

Hi Emma, Deedee, Donna, hope you have great weekends.      

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Oh Claire, sorry if I sounded patronising. Believe me I do know it's not that easy. It took me *alot* of time and work to get through it. The first time I tried I made a right plonker of myself. I was edging up the bed, crying hysterically and shouting at the Nurse to stop 

But once I'd sought out the advice about relaxation and getting used to the speculum at home,I did get there. And I'll save you alot of time and misery by passing on the same info as and when you're ready 

Don't feel like it's an impossible task. Remember how you felt when you first contemplated those dilators or even S. It felt like a huge milestone, but you did it! And you'll do this too.

Well, I'm attending a hen night this evening. We're suppossed to go as devils or angels and wear black or white. Well, I haven't got anything black or white that A) - fits me or B) -doesn't look like a tent.

Will just have to make do with a brown top and some devils horns  Comfort is key here people!

Have a wax booked for a tomorrow followed by an appointment with yet another builder. No plans for the rest of the day or for Sunday. I quite fancy an Annie alone watching cheesey TV and movies, gorging on choccies!

I'll check in tomorrow xxx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi all,

Had written a long post and computer crashed  

Polly, did you phone another clinic? what did they say?

Deedee how is m/s I have heard that sickness wrist bands are good

Claire lol at your not so steamy session with bf, isn't it alwasy the way when you can;t  

Polly I nearly wet myself at your dilator vase   just what I needed as was feelinf rather down today.

Been suffering with headaches really which is something i don't usually get, well not on a daily basis anyway. feel really tired and lack energy most of the time.

Oh I was so angry and upset yesterday, my manager has decided that maybe my tx is a problem because when I am not at work here will be no level 3 qualified person on the premises which there is meant to be at all times! I have told her that I will TRY and gett appointments at times that are least disprutive and when the part-time lever 3 is working but it may not alwasy be possible!
I have also told her that becuse of the way treatment works I can't tell in advance when appointments or basting will be. I can only gibe her a day or two notice, she was okish about this last week but now its a problem.
She also had the cheek to say that I wasn't being fair as I wasnt honest about all this at my interview, I told her that in all fairness I didn't know and if I had told her she wouldn't have given me the job! Although now I wish she hadn't   I hate the place the people are horrible, they have no idea about children and are quite horrible to them which makes me so upset  I try talking to the staff but they think there way is bet and I am to softly softly, which I am not I just realise the children are only 2-4 not 10 or 12 
also I am the only white member of staff, now I am not racist but they are so prejudice it makes me sick and woh I cant have a veiw if it differes from theres on any given subject! I have made no friends there which is the first for me in any work place!
Anyway manager left it by saying she wishes me all the best with treatment and we would see how it goes but if I need to much time off and it interfears with her business then we would have to re-think 
Well I have already been re-thinking! I am going to a temping agency on wednesday to find out more about them, wges, maternaty pay etc I also want to know how much work there is because I still need to work full time! if they give me all the right answers then I leaving my current job and temping for a while. It will give me greater flexibility when having treatment too. I don't have to do it long term but then it might really suit me! It would be less stress as I wouldn't have all the paper work to do and I wouldn't be at a place long enough to be part of all teh bi***ing that goes on. problem is its not exactly gauranteed income is it so I am not so sure  opinions welcome 

Thought Emma would be back with us by now? do you think all is ok with her?

Donna xx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning!

Well, the hen night was crap. It'd just not the same if you can't get legless with the rest of them   Had a better time down the local last night. 

We've had another quote back for the extension and this one wasn't half bad. Finally some good news. I've been getting myself quite stressed over the last couple of weeks. The MG is making the most horrendous noise, but we could be part exchanging it this week so I'm praying it holds out. The noise does come and go. Everytime I want to give in and take it to a garage, it stops! I've been sorting out the insurance for it, getting the pennies together from our accounts and all the other naff car stuff you have to do when selling & buying.

Then I've been worrying about the extension. How much it's going to cost, taking on a bigger mortgage when my salary will drop, moving out, being out of home when the baby comes.

It goes on and on and on - I just want the MG gone so I can drive a "normal" car and to get the building work underway for a decent price! Do I ask too much?

Donna - I can see why temping could be a good idea for you. It certainly would be more flexible. Maybe it'd be worth seeing how things go where you are now, for as long as possible? I know working with horrible people can be really stressful but maybe your Boss won't be as bad as she's making out she will be. You never know 
No harm in talking to temping agencies though. Get an idea of the work that's around and what they're paying.

Right I'm off to Sainsbury's - in the noisy MG! Speak to you all later x


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello everyone,

Sorry to have been so quiet lately. I have really missed you all. I still don't have any internet connection at home, but it is coming on Monday the 20th. I'm at dh's office at the moment getting my internet fix. 
The move went well. We may not be in our own home quite yet, but I love where we have moved to and it is wonderful to be living with dh again.
We're off on holiday tomorrow - renting a cottage in Yorkshire for a few days - and I can't wait.

I haven't got time to read through any posts today. I hope you are all OK and I can't wait to be back chatting with you all again soon. 

Emma, xxxxxx


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi all,

Donna- your boss really doesnt seem to know what she thinks, does she? At first it wasnt a problem and now it is-  She sounds to me to be extremely insensitive and totally unprofessional 

To be honest if Im not happy in my workplace Im outa there pronto. I just cant stand the bad atmosphere and when it starts to affect my personal life its not worth it.

I would say go the the temping agencies and see what they have to say. There may be plenty of work to keep you going in the meantime and give you more flexibility. It does mean less security though which I know could be a worry especially at this time.

It does sound that its not only your boss that you're unhappy with so maybe just stick with it but start looking at other options knowing that you will NOT be there indefinately. Maybe the knowledge that you are doing something about getting out of there will make your time there a bit easier?

Annie- I dont blame you for stressing about the extension. Have you thought about putting it off for a while, maybe until after bubs arrives?
(By the way, I think Im 7 weeks now although technically 9 weeks)

Im still feeling really sick. Haven't vomited just constant yuck feeling 
Funny thing is, its not too bad when I eat. We went for an Indian last night, would you believe, and I felt ok after it. It seems like the worst thing to do is not eat (thats quite hard for me anyway, I love my food) I really hope this doesnt last long!!

dd xx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

OK, I need everyone's opinion. The MG sounds really nasty today. Do I...

A) Book the car into a garage. See what's wrong and most importantly how *costly* the damage is

B) Then fix the car myself or tell the dealership and knock the work off the trade in value

C) - Leave it and pray they don't notice when they pick it up. Not drive it myself until they come to get it

Fact is I can't bear to drive it like that anymore. It's really upsetting me and I'm petrified somethings going to fall off as I drive it! It's stressing me out so badly now. I don't think I've got the nerve to try and trade it in like that and I'm confident that as soon as they come to collect it, they'll hear the noise. How embarassing would that be?!?

But I'm even more teriffied of how much it's going to cost. To me (the untrained ear admittedly) it sounds like THOUSANDS!

 POLLY!!! What do I do?

Deedee - You're right, the best thing to do is keep eating. Get some plain biscuits and keep nibbling on them throughout the day. Don't let the tank get near empty! Best advice I was given. It won't last forever hun. I know you feel really awful right now, but you'll wake up one morning and suddenly feel your old self again. I think mine wore off at around 11 weeks.


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi all,

I am so cold I have no heating or hot water and landlord is dping pretty much naff all about it 

Annie, If I were you I'd get car checked out for your own peace of mind then once you know what the damage is you can decide whether to try and hide it or get it fixed. Don't they check cars over anyway when you trade them in? they will spot it then wont they.

I am booked for an accupuncture consultatiopn on saturday so that should be something to look forward to.

Still not sure what to do with work, I am having the usual sunday night sinking feeling as I know its back to work tommorrow. I erally hate working there and feel so alone and isolated!
I am just to worried about leaving and that being another wrong decision in a long line?
Temping does sound perfect but I am worried about lack of security, guess I don't know till I ask on wednesday though   why cant I just pold through life happily? why is there always a worry of some sort.

Emma glad your ok, enjoy your holiday xx

Polly, hows your cold?

Hello claire and Deedee hope you had nice weekends.

Off to boil kettle for a bath   

Donna xx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Decided to book the car in for Tuesday if I can. DH is home that day. He can sort it out - I've had enough! 

You're totally right Donna. They'd notice is straight away, so no choice but to rectify it. I'm just so scared about what it's going to cost. Anymore than a couple of hundred and I'll be beside myself  

Oh, I hate cars. I won't sleep til Tuesday now and will spend the whole day living in fear of the phone ringing with bad news  

Donna - It's really not a good thing to be dreading going into work. You can't live like that. See how things go this week, chat to the temping agencies and go from there. At least you're looking into ways to solve it. My Mum hates her job, has done for a few years now, but she does nothing to change it. Think she's waiting for a lottery win  Or more likely for me to sort it out for her  

Can't believe the first weekend I'm on here and hardly anyone's around. Do I have bad breath


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

I am so so so cold, its freezing. was going to boil water for a bath but it will take so long and the house is so cold I'd probably die having a bath.

Annie, glad your sorting car, try not to worry about it, it wont solve anything - ark at me the worlds worse worrier 

Cant believe your 26 weeks pregnant its going so fast 

Donna xx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Annie - about the car: there are two scenarios here, one is that you have already done the trade-in deal and the other is that you are taking it in on spec next week and see what else they have.

In the first, the deal is already done, so I would let them pick it up. If there is a real problem, they'll let you know, but they are getting a car that holds its value, and they would have to service and replace some bits in order to give it a warranty to the next owner. DOn't forget that it won't cost them in labour what it would cost you. If they do get back to you, you can always agree something with them then. 

In the second scenario, it would be worth getting a view from another mechanic and see what it would cost. Then take it in to deal and be prepared to drop that much and no more. In fact less, cos it won't cost them in labour what it would cost you. You could offer to buy the part and they take care of the labour.

Could you really fix it yourself?     I'm so impressed!

In any case, people generally trade in cars because they have become more trouble than can be coped with, so the dealership won't be expecting one in perfect condition from you. So remember what the deal is here, and that they will have factored in some work. 

Donna, so sorry that you are having a hard time at work. I hope this week brings you some answers. When is your appt with psychologist? It must be soon surely?

Lovely to hear from Emma - only another week to wait!

 Deedee and Claire

Love
Polly


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Morning all

Annie, I agree with Polly. I'd get a quote so you know what the 'damage' is, then be prepared to negotiate if you need to. Glad the extension plans are going better - what are you having done? (must have joined in after you mentioned this originally!). Not patronising at all re the speculum , I just wish I had reached that milestone myself! The plan seems to be that I buy one online, use it myself and then bf does it so I get used to someone else doing it. It's still plaguing me though.

Donna, I'm really sorry that work is crappy at the moment.  Your boss makes mine seem angelic, what a cow she is.  No job is worth this amount of misery, hope the temping is viable for you.

Polly, are there any developments on the ttc front?

Deedee, I couldn't forego food either, I absolutely *love* eating! Hope the m/s passes soon.

Looks like I get my change of products at work. One of the other girls in the team has handed in her notice and I've been offered her products to manage instead of my own and instead of the ones I was after (which weren't as nice as this new lot)   . This means working with nicer people and easier work, for the same £££s and a lot less stress. I have mouth ulcers from the stress I'm under and I think the boss has finally noticed.  Don't get to change for a few months but feeling like a huge weight has been lifted. 

Better go and get on with some work. 

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

AAAGGGHHH! - woo, that's better.

Oh it never rains, it pours as they say and never has that been more true for me  

Well, as planned I refused to drive the MG to work today and got a lift in. DH has been sent the number of the garage via text with a nice but firm request to get it sorted.

I have been awake since 3am and now look like something from Halloween rather than Valentines.My dear younger Brother called me last night to tell me his girlfriend of 5 years wishes to part company with him. That's devestating enough, however the worst part is that he moved to live with her and her family 4 years ago. He has forged a nice little career up there, well an entire life really and now is a bit stuck as he needs to leave their house but can't walk out of his job. He desperately wants to come home to us which I want more than anything too, but he's stuck! 
Oh the joys!

Anyway - enough about my woos. I'm bored of them myself.

Claire - Fantastic news about the product change. Hallejuah! I bet that does feel like a huge weight lifted.

That's a good game plan you have their too. Order the speculum when you can and go from there. Excellent start.

Polly - Thanks so much for the advice. Very much appreciated as always. How are you doing though?


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi

Annie, sorry you're having such a bad day but I'm sure you look more   than   !!!!!!!!  I was awake in the night being poorly as I made a rather revolting pasta thing last night when I was in on my own and obviously did something wrong!  I had this bizarre notion that I might be a domestic goddess underneath it all!!!  So am also a little bit tired today...  

Sorry about your brother, hope he can sort something out. 

Thanks for the encouragement on the speculum.  I'm sure there are some  on the horizon but am hoping to approach it more in a   fashion.  

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

That's the spirit Claire! Definitely the right attitude to start out on. We have to laugh at these things and make a joke of it. It makes it so much more pleasant to deal with! 

I know you won't believe me, but I actually miss mine! The Nurse disposed of it after my test. It would have been nice to have a go every now and then just to show to myself I can still do it


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi girls

Claire - great news about the job change -    I bet that feels great! Hope you feel better than last night - what did you make? 

Annie - I think that there must have been something going on last night - I didn't sleep well either, but not as bad as you though. Just reading some of the other threads, we weren't the only ones! How awful about your brother - has he figured out what to do yet? Surely someone in the family must realise that he needs a bit of time to find somewhere else to live?

I'm sort of ok. Then I'm not. You know how it goes. I tried to make a call to the other clinic, and ended up in phone jail, and gave up. I should get back to them I suppose, but I just wonder if my current consultant is right and I should give up, just because (I think) he's not being nice to me doesn't mean he is wrong! I just don't know. I also think that if I go somewhere else the treatment will be more expensive and we won't be able to afford it anyway, so why bother? But then when I think of never having a child, I can't bear the pain.   I can't believe that this was my destiny.

Got DN staying with us, and I just love having a little person (actually she is huge) around and having fun with. One of her friends has just had a baby at 17, and she is full of how sweet it is etc. So that bit isn't so much fun.   (When I say she is huge I mean up and down, not side to side   )

Anyway, she is out until later with The Lad. 

Take care all

Love
Polly


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi all,

Polly you shoudl try and phone the other clinic if you can just to see what your options are, surely there is DE or IVF? are they options you would consider? and doin't forget you don't actually know what the consultant will say yet, whens your appointment?

I am trying tp prepare myself for tx and I feel more stressed than ever!
Polly pyschologist appointment was last friday  and I couldn't go   no way I could leave work!

I have heating tonight so THINK the boiler as been fixed while I have been at work. haven;t heard form landlord but I know he was coming here today.

I am sufering with headaches almost daily can anyone suggest anything? as popping pills can't really be healthy.
I felt so tense today I could eat, I was just so wond up.

Cat has just weed BESIDE the litter try and I've burst into tears!


Donna xx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Oh Donna! Bad cat!

About the headaches - it might be worth having a warm bath with some lavender stuff in, and can you warm a towel on a radiator and pop some lavender oil on it and put round your shoulders? Unless you have one of those heat pads that you microwave? then put some lavender on that. It sounds a bit like you are stressed and tense, but if they don't go, go to the docs! Did you rearrange your appt with the psychologist? If your headaches are tension, then seeing her/him might well be the best thing?

Donna, DE and IVF are the expensive options though. DE isn't so time critical, so we could save up for it over the next year, but it seems a bit hard to go straight for that option. But you are right, we need to know what the information is before we start second - guessing what we might do.

Take care
Love
Polly


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Evening!

OK, 1 problem down, 2 to go.

Brother has managed to locate somewhere else to live   A chap he plays football with has 4 (that's right) spare rooms and offered one to him. Phew! - huge relief for both of us. He sounded alot happier today. Well, as happy as someone can be after being dumped  

So tomorrow we face the fear of the cost of repairing the MG. I shall live in fear of the phone until the bad news comes through  

Then we might be able to look into finally seeing the blasted thing go forever   I have had alot of fun with it in the 2 years we've had it. Does the ego the world of good driving in the sumer, roof off, music pumping, people gawping  . But I have fallen out of love with it and just want a "normal" car. Preferably one with a glass window that is clear as opposed to a plastic one that is permanantley hazy.

So, enough with the me me me....

Donna - It's not going to help your headaches if you're not eating  . Make sure you're drinking lots of water too. Then on top of that, do what Polly suggested and try and relax. Easier said than done I know   Actually... I have a fantastic CD that you're welcome to (if I can find it!). It's a relaxtion one. I got it off the net last year when I was going through my dark depressive phase. I used to shut myself away in our bedroom for 20 minutes and listen to one of the tracks. It sets a scene of walking on a beach and others similar. Just makes you take a few minutes out of your day to spend just on you. Very good for someome doing treatment. You could do it everyday leading up to and after basting
If you fancy the sound of it, just let me know  

Polly - You're bound to have good days and bad. Up and down times. Things are a bit up in the air for you at the moment. No game plan as such. But, that doesn't mean there won't be one again soon. You need to get all the facts in so you can make an informed decision.
Try and hold out a bit longer until you can speak to your Consultant and speak to another clinic or two.
You're doing great and we still have a long way to go yet. Keep your pecker up


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Annie, glad your brother is a little sorted now, it can't be easy for him.
I like the sound of the relaxtion cd if you could tell me more about it or if I could borrow your copy? sorry cheeky I know.

Polly thanks for your suggestions, I don't have any lavender oil but I have some lavender bath bombs I got for christmas. Not the same thing I know but will chuck one in thr bath in a min.

Donna xx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning All

Well, the car is in the garage. Now we wait....eeek!

Donna - You're most welcome to borrow my CD. I shall try and hunt it out when I get home tonight

Happy Valentines Day Everyone!


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Morning all

Just to wish you all a *Happy Valentines Day*! 

Anything romantic planned? I'll be a football widow as Luton are playing at home (I kid you not!).

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Not even a card for me this morning   In DH's defence though he has worked everyday since we've been home til gone 9pm. I know he is currently in the town centre making some purchases and it's quite likely I'll have a nice dinner waiting for me when I get home tonight.

Well the car results are back..... the rear inner wheel something or other has collapsed. The cost £165.00! Not as bad as I had imagined, but a sting in the purse all the same. 

That's that chapter closed - thank-you all for listening


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

I didn't have a card either but then bf is currently on crutches so probably can't walk to the shop or post box! 

Never mind, am going to have a nice evening in with myself, drinking wine and eating chocolates, and probably will watch a film, maybe War of the Worlds or one of the Harry Potter films (Annie, have you got your reservation in for the DVD release of HP yet?  Out March!  )

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

WHAT   HP out in March! How did I not know this   Why is this brand new information to me  

OMG! - I am going straight home and reserving my copy. 

Claire - thank goodness you're on the ball! Heads will have to roll for this huge mistake


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hellooooo..... is there anybody there  

I've been checking all morning and there's nobody around. Did I bore you too much with my MG crisis?

Come back - the car's going for good on Tuesday and I'll never have to talk about it again!


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi all

Annie, glad the mg situation is sorted out.  Did you get anything nice from DH yesterday?  I did get a card but that was it and given his crippled state I suspect from the selection that either his mother or best mate picked it.  

Then we had a bit of a 'discussion' about finances quite late last night and I think we are heading towards a major argument as bf seems to have frittered away his savings to a low level.  It also turns out upon investigation that his fixed rate mortgage is to 2010 with blinking penalties attached for early repayment  .  We'd replanned things so that we would sell both properties, buy a bigger one and then save like mad to reduce the mortgage before a baby arrived so I could give up work.  Can't do that now.  

I am so distracted by this mess that I'm not doing any work at all, just sitting here fretting over it all and worrying about losing my temper with him later.

Annie, did you get HP preordered?  I found CD Wow to be very cheap.

Claire x


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi all

just saying hello for the moment. Just got in, so need a cuppa!

Polly


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Claire my lovely, don't fret just yet. Although BF has a long term fixed rate mortgage - doesn't always mean you have to pay the penalties. Lots of mortgage companies will pay the redemption fee for you to move over to them.

My advice would be to get yoursevles a mortgage broker. Ideally one that is "whole of market & (most importantly) fee free". They will search every mortgage provider for you and find you the best deal that suits your needs.

They might even be able to find you a provider that'll cover your legal fees too!

So, deep breath honey. Nothing to worry about at all xxx


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Annie

Thanks for your advice.  The problem is bf's mortgage is larger than the mortgage we wanted on the bigger house (twice as much) as we're in the fortunate position of having two properties to sell to buy one.  Therefore we would be paying 5 years of interest on double the amount we want to borrow.  Maybe it will be cheaper to pay the redemption fees than the interest over 5 years.  Sigh.  I just wish he'd think before acting sometimes!!!    But yes, we should get a mortgage broker like you advise, regardless of where we go from here.

Deep breath, all is ok.  

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Get some good financial advice Claire. It might not be as bad as it seems xxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Claire - if it is any help, I can recommend a good financial advisor in this area. I'll pm you his details if you want.

Love
Polly


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

If you could Polly, that would help.  Thanks v much.


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Should be in your pm box now.

Love
Polly


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Thanks Polly.


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning All

How is everybody doing today?


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Annie

Well I'm ok.  Bf and I had a talk last night and are looking at solutions and I've also asked him to stop ******* about and start saving too.  He totally agreed with me and seems to mean it so that's ok I hope.  Polly has kindly pm'd me a financial advisor so we will have to sort that out sooner rather than later too.

I still haven't ordered the speculum, my colleague has been glued to her seat permanently in the last week   and when I had a second to pull something up online it's going to be obvious what it is from where she's sitting!!  Hopefully she'll have a meeting or something later.

How are you today?  How's the pregnancy going now?

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Thanks for asking Claire, that's really sweet. Everything seems to be going well as far as I can tell. Just feeling a bit large and starting to get uncomfortable alot, not knowing what to do with myself. Still a fair way to go though so I'd better get used to it!

I'm having another go at the 3d scan on Monday. Hopefully Baby Ruddle will be a little less camera shy. If I get any decent shots I'll pm them to anyone who fancies taking a look, but I'm not overly hopeful. It's been laying in that curled up position for months now. 

On a slightly different note, we're having a second meeting with a builder on Tuesday evening. We both like him and his quote wasn't half bad. If we can bash out the finer details the extension could be starting in about 4 weeks. 

Then I'll really start boring you all!!! I'll be sending pm's of kitchen designs and carpet colours asking for opinions   

I'm pleased you had a chat with BF.  It's always a positive thing if you can communicate about these big decisions. Are you thinking of opening a joint savings account? Might encourage him to save more when you're both adding to a pot?

Shame about that colleague not leaving her seat for more than a minute   Never mind though, you'll get it ordered soon and you can think about getting started with it. Maybe you can find a reason to send her off somewhere for a short while! Tell her you think she left her car lights on or something


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Annie

Great, if you get a decent photo I'd like to see it!  Aah, it's sweet to think of your baby all curled up inside, must be having a great sleep and storing up energy for the big event!  

I'm sure my colleague must need the loo or SOMETHING today!  

Hmm, I'm not sure about a joint savings account I like to keep control (control freak!  ) and my savings are my contribution when (god allowing) we have a baby or three, so I'm keeping them ringfenced from both of us.  I have told him how much I expect him to save by the end of the year though and he seems focused to do that.  He's also after a promotion in June so that will help.  The sore point really is I earn more than him and he's a bit sensitive to it.  

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

I hear what you're saying about the joint savings and it makes perfect sense. Sounds like you've got exactly in mind what's best for you both and later on you 3!

It's hard when one earns more than the other, especially when it comes to things like large purchases and mortgages where it's only highlighted more. The fact that you're aware that he's a bit sensitive to it will be a help, that way you can be more concious of his feelings as you go through the whole process. It'll be fine though. Sounds like you both understand each other really well and love each other more than enough to face these little bumps in the road.


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

I forgot to ask, did you preorder HP?


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

I decided not to in the end. 

I think I'd take more pleasure in going to the shops and purchasing it myself on the big day. If I get it from the Supermarket I can buy something yummy to eat at the same time and plan an evening of treats!


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Good idea!!  I don't think I can wait that long though, it's over a month away!!!  

Good news, I've found new speculums (from medical shops) on ebay much cheaper than from a normal online shop.  I'll need to win the bid but there doesn't seem much competition for them   so hopefully in a week or two I should have one.

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

- you make me laugh Claire! Don't spose there is much competition for a speculum. Be even funnier now though if you have a bidding war with someone


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Well someone else is bidding on another identical one so I can comfort myself that I'm not the only loon buying one!  (mind you they probably work for a surgery or something!).  

Anyway, am going to go home soon, I'm really tired and have a bit of a headache.  Going to have a relaxing evening, watch Must Love Dogs which arrived from my dvd rental thing yesterday, eat lots and maybe have a glass of wine if my headache resides.    Hope you have a good evening.

Hello Polly, Donna, Emma, Deedee.     

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

IT's FRIDAY!    

hoorah! How is everybody this fine day?


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi

I wonder if it's just us two again today!!  

I'm equally pleased it's Friday!

           

Well guess what, someone did outbid me!!!   Anyway, I've found a 'buy it now' one and done that so hopefully this time next week I will have said hideous item!  

Claire x


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi

I'm here!

I'm completely knackered though! AF arrived this morning (quelle surprise!) meaning that ovulating on day 8 makes sense.   I don't know if it is that that is making me so tired or the fact that we took DN to Camden Mkt yesterday. Or both. 

Anyway, I have a couple of jobs to apply for. I'm still dithering, as I keep seeing these great jobs in my field, which is a bit unusual, and feeling that I have to apply. And while I spend my energy doing that I'm not promoting my consultancy bit - partly because I would be promoting it to the people that I am applying for jobs with.  . I think I need to stop looking in the paper!  I can't decide what I should do and I can't keep on not deciding! Sorry, just really having a go at myself.

Claire, you made me laugh with your ebay bidding war! It seemed to me that everytime I went to buy my dilators in the early days they were out of stock. I had visions of a vaginismus convention having hit town!

Did you ring the advisor yet? Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of your situation, but is a solution to open a joint savings account with BF and then both put the same agreed amount in? Then you keep what you have already saved in your account, and anything over and above the agreed amount that you might want to save. However, the pressure is then on him to be consistent about it, and you have some control over knowing that he is doing it.

Anyway, I am freezing, so going to light the fire and make a start. DN has gone to meet The Lad, and I am meeting her at the station later with her luggage as she is going home today. It's lovely having her to stay, but I can't believe how messy she is. I mean how can two minutes of teeth cleaning get the bathroom into that state!  

Take care, probably speak later!

Love
Polly


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Polly - great to hear from you. Sounds like you've been really busy and got alot on your plate at the same time.

Sorry AF arrived. I'm sure it's not helping with the tiredness you're feeling. Chocolate would be my prescription!

Go for the jobs - no harm in giving it a go and seeing where it leads. Doesn't mean you have to accept them!


Claire - Can't believe you were outbid   I'm excited for you though that you've got hold of one. We'll have this little niggle ironed out in no time.


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi all

I can't believe I was outbid either, maybe there is a vaginismum convention out there!!!  

Polly, sorry af arrived.    I'd second the chocolate prescription!

Well am going to keep an eye on bf's savings as he's agreed that I can, but if he gets his promotion we would be well away.  It's the attitude behind it all that bothers me much more than the diminished savings itself!  

Polly, haven't rung the advisor yet, that would be far too organised!!!    I will do it, but probably not for about a month or so, depending on how the news of bf's promotion goes as if he does get it (which won't be imminent but this year, but we should know more soon), as he's in sales and the way the bonus structure works, it would make a big difference to what we'd want from the advisor.  

Do you remember my silly friend who was dating that utter scoundrel who I had to go to bingo with?  Well he dropped her again but now all is back on and she's spending every waking minute with him, at the expense of her friends.   I've emailed her today as I haven't heard from her in ages and she's cancelled our last two arrangements (  ) to check all is ok with her, but really I just feel like shaking her back to reality.  One bunch of flowers and she's all doe eyed again.    I despair!!

Have you got good weekends planned?  I have an evening to me tonight (Luton playing at home again!) so will have a chill out, glass or two of wine and watch some tv.  Going to the gym tomorrow then to a country pub for a meal tomorrow night.  Sunday is relaxing and hopefully gardening (weather allowing), then my parents are back from their hols so we're going round for takeaway pizza to hear all about it.  So pretty quiet for me.

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Not much going on this weekend for me.

Seeing a friend tonight and having a take away

Nice quiet morning at home followed by an afternoon visit to my Nan

Then over to some other friends for the evening - and another take away

Bathroom & Kitchen hunting Sunday morning followed by lunch with the Out Laws.

Lots of eating involved planned as you can see


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Annie, sounds like a 'busy' weekend to me!!  Enjoy all that eating   !!!

Have a good weekend all.  

Claire x


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## Candy (Mar 8, 2004)

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,49019.new.html#new

New home ladies


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