# To try or not to try -advice appreciated!



## Artichoke (Jan 7, 2013)

Hello,

We are very lucky to have a gorgeous 3 year old daughter conceived naturally. However, my husband was diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive cancer when she was 8 months old and we nearly lost him. Cutting a long story short, my husband had a stem cell transplant 2 years ago and is doing very well (finger's crossed) but is now sterile. We knew that if he survived the treatment it would leave him sterile so we had some sperm frozen pre treatment. We are finally at a place where we feel it's right to start trying for a sibling for our girl and have just had our first natural IUI which unfortunately didn't take. But luckily we have sperm left so are going to try again. Probably this cycle. 

I'm feeling a bit torn though, because if it is successful, the baby would be due when our DD is just starting school and I feel that it would be a lot for her to deal with at the same time. She's very clever but also very sensitive. My husband doesn't think we should worry about that now, but rather get on with trying because who knows which cycle it may actually work (if that makes sense) and we won't be able to cycle again until March otherwise (I'll be away a lot). A part of me agrees with him, and if we don't try this cycle and we don't have any success when we try next year, I will probably look back and think “What if we had tried before Christmas, maybe that would have been the one that took”. And also I'm thinking yes it might be hard for her for a little while with school and baby at the same time but she would have a brother or a sister to grow up with and that would hopefully be for life. I have gone along with my husbands thinking and booked in with the clinic (can cancel though) for a scan on cycle day 10, but I have to admit I'm not 100% comfortable with the decision.  

Has anyone got any thoughts or advice to offer please? 

Artichoke
xxx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

a friend of mine once told me 'life is uncertain, so eat dessert first'

forward planning is all well and good but there's no way of knowing what is around the corner so act now, don't plan your life around a 'what if'..

roll the dice and see what you get. in a year, two, three, there could be another problem, or another....there might never be a moment where you feel you have a clean slate.

you say you worry it would be a lot for dd to deal with when starting school but

1) if she's in school you'd have more time for baby without her feeling left out
2) if you had baby you wouldn't miss her so much while she's in school.
3) not being the youngest might be a good thing as she makes these transitions and is able to compare just how much she can do for herself with baby.


it might not work but better to know than spend your life wondering. 
good luck


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## coucou2009 (Sep 12, 2012)

Artichoke,
I too suffered secondary infertility and each month was a roll of the dice as to whether or not I would get pregnant and if yes when that due date would fall and what  would be going on in our lives at that time. I think that you should go for it. People get pregnant all the time and the due dates are always the most convenient. If you want to wait (I don`t know your age) that is fine but I would go ahead and not worry about your daughter starting school. My baby is due in May about a month before school is out for my little one. I will then have the two month summer to contend with. Timing is what it is.

Good luck and hope it works out. Remember that whenever that baby comes, your daughter will adjust. Atleast with school she is on a schedule etc.


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## Bubblicious (Jul 8, 2010)

Hello, DS started school two months after DD was born and like your DD he is bright, sensitive and very good at expressing his emotions.  Because he was very much involved in my pregnancy, even coming to our first scan as we didn't have anyone to babysit him, her actual arrival did not phase him in the slightest and she just fitted into our existing routine. He was a bit unsettled at school for the first two weeks, as were many of the children but it was just getting used to new people, new place, new routine.  He was soon loving it and I've had no concerns with him at school at all.  It was just him for such a long while that I thought he would take much longer to adjust to no longer being an only child but I had no need to worry.  Good luck!


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## dillydolly (Mar 11, 2005)

Artichoke
Just go for it, life's too short!


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## Artichoke (Jan 7, 2013)

*goldbunny, coucou2009, Bubblicious and dillidolly* Thank you all for the words of wisdom and for sharing your experiences!  I really appreciate you taking the time to reply and find it very reassuring to read. Still if I had the choice and knew I would definitely fall pregnant, I would choose to time it so that the birth wouldn't coincide with DD starting school. But then, had it been my choice, my DH would never have gotten ill and we'd have already had baby no2 and perhaps be thinking about no3. Who ever knows what's around the next corner, eh? 
You're all so right, should we be lucky this month I'm sure it would all work out to be fine for DD with new baby and school. So we are proceeding with IUI this cycle!  Providing I ovulate in the next few days that is, as my clinic will close for Christmas at the end of the coming week. I came down with a cold after I started this thread (which is why I haven't replied until now) and being ill has delayed ovulation but I don't think it's far off now so should be ok.

To be honest I think my main problem with school start and all is that I just don't want my daughter to start school in September. In my opinion, it's just way too early to start when you're 4 and the idea of being away from her from 8.45am until 3.15pm five days a week makes me feel really sad. I love spending time with her. However, in the last week I learnt that as long as you apply for a place for your child at a school you can then choose to defer their start and also you should be able to choose to only do part-time until the age of 5. I need to find out more but knowing there are options makes me feel so much better about it all!

Artichoke
xxx


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## Eliza Bennet (Dec 9, 2013)

Dear Artichoke 

I agree with the others on this feed. If you want another child it's worth just going for it!  If we waited until the perfect time none of us would ever have children! And completely understand the school thing and agree four is so young to be packed off to school.  But in many ways a lovely gap between children. I've seen friends with a 2 or under age gap and it can be hard. 

Incidentally I was inspired to respond as I am in an almost identical position as you. My husband was diagnosed with cancer four years ago and we managed to conceive our lovely almost three year old daughter before he had the treatment that left him infertile.  After six months of indecision we (well I) are starting IVF in Jan.  

Good luck and fingers crossed.


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## Artichoke (Jan 7, 2013)

*Eliza* Thanks for your post. Can I pm you please? Or feel free to pm me! I've got to work out how it works first! A xxx


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