# Hard weekend



## VT (Aug 5, 2005)

Hi 

Just me. 

Having a hard weekend this weekend.

Went to a party on Friday and had a lecture off one of Dh's friends about 'never giving up' and how one of the other guests had been through IVF 7 times when it worked for her. Despite me saying that there isn't an endless pit of money she said that 'they' remortgaged several times and anyway what price a child. Then when I said that there's only so much emotional stuff some people can take she said about the 7 x successful girl again. In the end my DH had to say actually there's a reason it doesn't work and won't work for us, at which point I burst into tears and had to go to the bathroom to sort my self out. Then felt completely embarrassed that I'd done that.

I'm so rubbish at this!  

Then my friend came to stay with her 2 boys aged 2 and 3. Completely lovely and made me miss everything twice as bad.

Oh poop. I just needed to have a moan.

Sorry.

Hope you all are having a better weekend.

Love

VT
x


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

I'm so sorry that you were subjected to the onslaught from one of DH's so called friends insisting that you should carry on with IVF... when will people learn to keep their beaks out of stuff that is not their concern? 

Trouble is, when folks are like this it dredges up all sorts of hurts for us - if only those who think they are offering their 'advice' could see the emotional backlash it causes for us. You and this other lady who had 7 IVF attempts are 2 totally different people, and at the end of the day you are the one living your life and you know your limitations financially, emotionally, medically etc and to be honest its no-one elses' business.

Got no pearls of wisdom for you on this one hon I'm afraid - suffice to say I am sat here shaking my head at the mindset of some people and why they think its going to be helpful to you to have to listen to their nonsense when its something you have lived through, been there done that & got the t-shirt.

Sending you much love and a gentle  

Emcee xxx


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## Anabelle (Nov 6, 2004)

Hi VT

I am so angry that you had to suffer that awful situation, some people just dont get it   . I agree with Emcee, these people havent got a clue that their so called 'helpful advice' can cause us so much hurt and upset.

I just had to send you a huge   

A
xx


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

I've got to be quick because I'm going to lose my link but I wanted to agree with the other posters here, were do these damn people get off telling others how much is "reasonable" suffering? 3,5, 7, 9, 11 IVFs? Oh please.

This kind of thing always makes my blood boil. VT you are not the person who should feel embarrassed in this, it's the thoughless moron (sorry) who didn't know when to back off (assuming you were comfortable discussing it with them in the first place).

I know how you feel about missing everything however, I spent Saturday in the company of my little twin cousins who turned 13 who make me realise exactly why I did it in the first place.

Big hugs

flipper


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

(((((((VT)))))))) Why are people so stupid!! Why do they not engage brain before opening mouth? Some people are so full of rubbish - I bet the guy who was going on abouy 7x IVF woman had never had to go through it himself.

Also I notice in your siggy that you are a 'poor responder' - I was given that label too and I say HOW DARE THEY call me that just cos my body won't respond to their barbaric techniques and grossly harmful drugs! I reject that label and so should you.

Bernie xxx

P.S. I keep the label in my siggy so that others will know my journey. But I do not accept it as a fair description of my fertility or lack of.


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

WOW! that person certainly knows about never giving up...never giving up banging on about something he knows NOTHING about!

As Flipper said, this sort of thing makes my bloood boil too!   I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I HATE parties, and all the stupid things people say at them, although I do hope that in the furture I will feel differently.

I told my DH about this horrible thing you had to go through, and he said "what would you say if someone said that to you?" and I had to admit, I have no idea. DH then tried to role play the situation and said to me "but why have you given up? A child is the most amazing and valuble acheivement for a human being" (or some such s**t) and I just laughed like a hyena. Then I realised that was probably a great response. That poor sap at the party hasn't got the first clue what he's talking about, and, frankly, who's got the time and the patience needed to explain it all to him?


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Emma - I agree with your comment "I HATE parties, and all the stupid things people say at them". You are so right people DO say stupid things almost as it thier mouth goes into automatic drive. Perhaps we can forgive this idiot, he was probably desperate for something to say. I too hate parties where people you hardly know come up to you and start spouting stuff as if they've known you for years. I mean - how rude! Worse still you get some motor mouth holding court and droning on and on....
That's why you'll 'always find me in the kitchen at parties' (!!  )
Bernie xxx


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## VT (Aug 5, 2005)

Thanks very much for offering me your support.

The worst thing about all this is that the friend is a girl that DH has known for years and years. They have one son who is now 7 and they have unfortunately had repeated miscarriages since trying for a sibling and the 'advice' came after her saying that she felt they had reached the end of the road ttc. 

I think that was what shocked me more than anything, that she just didn't take the hint when I was trying to explain, without being explicit that my eggs are crap and I have never and it is extremely unlikely that I will ever be pg.

I'm feeling more generous today and will put it down to her having a few too many to drink and that she was trying to be supportive. To the extreme  . 

It's amazing what a bit of distance can do to your perspective. SHe really isn't an evil 'woman' just thoughtless, and as with the majority of people just don't get 'it'.

My sister just called me to say that they had been asked to be godparents to some friends baby and how excited she is that she will be a godmother for the first time. Of course she should have been godmother to my baby, but that's not gonna happen either. Feeling sore about that too now. Luckily I can say anything to her and said 'I'm really sorry. You should have been already'. Bless her - she did get the hint and apologised for being thoughtless. 

I guess I expect too much from people and that they will think before they speak, but why should they? They don't have to for anyone else and I guess I would be upset if she pussy footed around me too. Then I'd feel terrible too.

Rock... Hard place.

Not easy is it? But we get through.

Thank heavens we can come on here and moan and be irrational and unreasonable. Everyone else would tink I was bonkers if I said to them what I say here.

Thank you so much for being there. 

VT
xxx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Ah! sorry,  for some reason I thought the person at the party was a man!  

It sounds very much like this woman was talking outloud to herself, rather than to you - she's clearly got some difficult decisions to make herself.

However, I get so sick of always making excuses for people's insensitive comments - we are expected to cut everyone some slack, but people don't realise just how often we get this kind of stuff said to us.


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## gbnut (Aug 4, 2006)

VT       

Sometimes i just turn it on them and say well no matter how many iVF i have i will not be able to carry a baby and that it is none of there business and that soon shuts them up!!!!!

I will now get to say well i cant have children as i have had a hysterectomy and watch as they can not say anything in response.

We are all different and have different reasons why we can not have a child.  We are all different in financial situations but what quality of a life would a child have when you are financially ruined an not able to provide for it and have to work every hour??!!!!!

We are all here for you 

Susan x


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