# adoption story



## smithc (Jun 14, 2015)

Hi 

Just thought i would tell my story to see if it helps people me and my wife have been trying for a family for 3 years in adoption after finding out i cant have children due to anzospermia. This was devistating news. Any a year later we entered the adoption process with 12 months of asssessments and personal questions about infertility then asking how i felt about it etc me and my wife got through this and thought that we would be approved which we was in 2013. Anyway then we found a little girl me and wife fell in love and the adoption was going well until we was about to apot this girl and three days before we where due to adopt and they said my wife needs to take two years of work and she could only take one and they new this.  well what can say we had dreamed of having are own child then we lost an adopted child  a year before we had IVF and this had not worked, my wife and i suffered with depression i went off the rails and told her to leave me because i could not give her what she wanted     

People who go into adoption do it for the wright reasons i have now suffered with depression nearly lost my marriage at one point because i could not understand why my wife was still with me i have only touched on somethings thats happen to me and my wife but i feel for people on here i understand your pain when IVF does not work and when adoption goes wrong, my wife is great and is supporting me  when i get down and thing how much more can i take.

thanks smithc


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hello smithc

Thanks for sharing your brave account. I'm so sad to hear what's happened it must be so hard. 

But glad that your wife has supported you so well. You are obviously very worth it. 

Take care

GG xx


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## smithc (Jun 14, 2015)

hi thanks for your reply the adoption process is hard and takes its toll on you 


thanks for your understanding this process should be changed to be a bit more on the people who are adopting


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## Nicola30 (Jun 13, 2011)

Hello SmithC

So sorry to hear you've had such a tough time. 
I always felt our "situation" was my fault and pushed my husband away - I think quite a lot of people do. So your reaction is probably normal. 

Stay strong!
I'm assuming as you've been approved, you are still looking to adopt? 

You will find a lot of support from people on here, and you will also find a LOT of people have adoptions fall through at the last minute.

Don't give up, you clearly love your wife and if you can get through this you can tackle more together.

Big hugs x


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi Smithc,

I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles and the very difficult journey you've had up to this point  

I just want to thank you for sharing your story with us 
It's extremely brave to share such painful and personal accounts, and I'm sure most of us can truly empathise with how tough both IVF and adoption can be.

As Nicola just mentioned, don't give up, and yes, so many people here will identify with adoptions that have fallen through. You will find so much wonderful support on here, and hopefully you'll find a way forward to realising your dream 

It's been my experience that usually only a year off work is expected, so maybe there were additional factors to consider with the little girl you were linked with. Obviously every case is different, but hopefully you'll find that this isn't the case for all children.

I know a lot of this wont help now, as you need time to grieve and 'take stock' of all that's happened, but it sounds like you have a very strong and loving relationship, and that is one of the most important foundations for adoptive children.
Some parts of the process can be unnecessarily cruel, and the fact that your wife was intending to take a year off work should most definitely have been added into considerations at linking stage with the little girl, (instead of some way further down the line ).

I wish you both all the best for the future  

Anj x x


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## smithc (Jun 14, 2015)

thanks for all your support on this we really need this to help me and wife feel full of fustration and pain the social workers dont seem to help making descisions on are future it pushed us to a point of  break ups and affairs with other people to have a family that is how bad it got to us


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## rennestone (Aug 16, 2016)

Family always find the way to make it work, is natural survival. Be have faith that everything will be as it should be, try to manipulate as much as you can to life take you to the place you want to be as a family. Open your eyes and ears to listen to your wife too, is also difficult to her. Have much communication and love, we expect good news soon from you


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## sunshine2017 (Oct 17, 2016)

I realy feel bad when I read stories like that. So unfair! I have been trying to concieve for 7 years and nothing and we started adoption process last year, but so much money! You want to give love, place and a family to someone who does not have and it should not cost as much as it does! It should be for free. 

Our secret is that we keep on running.. Yes we have 6 animals at home that we love and care for and we could not live without them, we just need to give and receive love, cause that is the whole point of life, for us. If you can not live without someone you realy want in your life, you should not give up...just keep on moving 

Sending lots of Love in huge baskets of red, blue and green to YOU! 

Keep your head up high and look to the sky!


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