# Glasgow - Help needed



## Serene (Dec 6, 2011)

Hi everyone,

Desperate lady here, Im 29 years old and so (desperate) to have a hild with my fiance. He is 37 years older then me and had a vasectomy 25 years ago. The odds are really stacked against us and to be referred via a GP and put on a waiting list is no good. Keeping in mind my partners age I really dont want to waste any time. I havent a clue where to start and am at my wits end. Can anyone help?

Kath xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## wanabmum (Jul 30, 2009)

Hi kath i would say if you can't wait the 2 years plus on the waiting list for Gri your best bet would be to go private but it will cost ........ A standared  ICSI cycle is £5000 so you will be talking more if you have to go for sperm retrieval - there is no wait and you could go  to GCRM - the NUFFIELD or Private  at the GLASGOW ROYAL .
If your going for reversal then cost wise i don't have a clue but first of all  you need to make an appointment with a consultant to discuss things and that will get the ball rolling. Good luck!.x


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## chamois (Apr 19, 2010)

Hi,
I also was married to someone who had a vasectomy, which was how I found out that I myself had issues.  Our first point of call was our GP however a reversal was not an option on NHS.  We went private, it sounds daunting but was approx £139 + vat for first consultation.  If I remember correctly it was about £2000 but that was a few years ago and im guessing eveywhere may be different.  Our consultant was very honest and precise on giving his recommendations.  I would highly recommend having this appointment as soon as then you are aware of where you stand and can then work on it all.  The nuffield in glasgow would prob be my first point of call.

Hope this helps
Allison x


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## Serene (Dec 6, 2011)

Yes probably sperm retrieval also - worried about costs - Im feeling very dispondent - Thanks ever so much for your reply xx


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## Serene (Dec 6, 2011)

Thanks Alison - His vesectomy was over 25 yrs ago - I very much doubt it would be successful. Feel Im driving this myself as he has 2 grown up sons. Very emotional but Id give anything for his baby.

Im assuming Id have to give another option ago.

Such a cost too! Would be worth it tho xx


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## wanabmum (Jul 30, 2009)

To be honest i had most of my treatments the Nuffield and would recommend it can't fault anything and anyone goggle it and go to assisted conception it will give you a idea of what to expect.


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## Serene (Dec 6, 2011)

Not sure my partner is overly fussed


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## Spanisheyes (Dec 6, 2011)

Hi

Thought I would let you know not to give up on hope.  My DP also had vasectomy 18 years previous to when we decided we wanted to try for a family.  We had to go private and were advised by Dr Underwood at GCRM in Glasgow that Surgical Sperm Retrieval was our best option.  The operation cost £2,500 excluding consultation fees, and the standard tests and fees you have to pay to undertake ICSI which was over £5k.  However, we got pregnant on our second attempt and sadly lost our baby at 9 weeks (mmc at 12.5 weeks) but I am pregnant again (only 6 weeks) but we are sooo happy and feel blessed to have gotten this far.  So, if a baby with your DP is what your heart desires, then sit down with him and have the conversation, sometimes us ladies have to take the lead.  Remember your DP probably wants to give you this precious gift but is probably terrified of the prospect too.  Good luck.


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## FertileRoad (Nov 3, 2011)

Serene - totaly understand how you are feeling my DP (50) had vasectormy and reversal which did not work and then had sperm removal and frozen he then thinks its been destroyed this all happend before we meet. I blamed him for me not being able to get pregnant naturally so when we went for the test wow I go the blow I was also a problem age 40 with an AMH of 1.26 told only a miracle at the nuffield and they will only give me one chance at the ICSI with my own eggs if they are any good. Dr underwood is going to have to proceed DP with the PESA cost approx £800 adn then its me for the ICSI. but we cannot go on with this until my DP gets in touch with the original nhs hospital in his old town to see if its still frozen or not Ive been waiting since begining of Oct for him to find the results. I was going to go to the Nuffield for Dr Low but his is retiring and I am a wee bit saddened that nuffield seem to be so busy and lack of info to me so I am now concidering the GSRM in Glasgow which is 5 minute drive from me. I know what you mean by him having kids mine has 2 boys and a girl plus 3 grandkids so I am very angry his response to me is not reasuring. Also we are both setting up our own business while we work full time and trying to fit in appointments gets harder by the minute we are cranky with each other all the time. Keep in touch let me know how you get on K x


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## Serene (Dec 6, 2011)

Thanks everyone! Yes we are building a house also and money is flying out the door - I was shocked at the price - Im guessing in total about £7500 to 8k! I feel guilty even asking him to pay that as I have no money - I dont work as he prefers me at home - That suits me also but feel so guilty as there is no guarantees - His children our older than me but Im so desperate - I never had feelings to be a mother but I suppose when you find a man that you think OMG Id love his child! Im so intrigued to see what he or she would look like. I dont randomly want a child, I want his child and he says he isnt driven for this but understands naturally I am. Serious pros and cons in all of this and if it was successful I know it wouldnt be easy - He is concerned about his age which I totally understand. I also have a heart condition which was repaired with heart surgery but I have concerns over that also. What a situation to be in! Hard to know what is for the best - Have tried hard to be at peace with the idea of no children but if nature takes its natural course, One day I will be alone again, No husband and no child of his... I find that difficult to deal with! xxxxxxxxxx


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## Spanisheyes (Dec 6, 2011)

You must follow your heart Serene, if a child is what you want now then those feelings won't go away until you have one.  I wasted so many years trying to convince myself that my DP was all I needed but when I hit 40 the reality that I didn't have any children suddenly hit me.  I became so resentful of the fact that my DP has kids from previous marriage and felt that I had sacrificed many fertile years looking after them when I should have been concentrating on myself, also felt very left out and isolated.  Don't worry about what or may not happen, none of us know what's in front of us.  Best advice anyone can give you, is just go for it and see what happens, you'll have peace of mind if nothing else.


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## Serene (Dec 6, 2011)

Yes I think you are quite right - I can feel resentment brewing and dont want that. I should book a consultation then? Get it all started?

Thanks ever so much - I feel isolated as it is - I left Ireland for him to move to Scotland. Love him dearly but have no female friends to chat with.

Really appreciate all your responses x


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## chamois (Apr 19, 2010)

I agree with serene, follow your heart and be honest to yourself and also to DH.  He may not know you feel this way.  Go ahead and talk it over, start off by saying lets look at where we are at and take it from there in regards to consultation.  He may just need your encourgement as he won't want to fail you.
If you feel you need a blether come on here, the support is great or pm me x


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## Spanisheyes (Dec 6, 2011)

Serene - get your appts in the diary asap, it will give you something to look forward to and you will feel like you're doing something constructive rather than just thinking about it.  Once your DP sees that it's not as scary as he may think, it will help you both move forward quicker too.  It will also give your DP a chance to speak to the doctor and reassure any fears he has.  This is just the start of your fertility journey, it should be an exciting time for both of you and once your DP sees how happy and excited you are about it all, he will find it difficult not to feel the same.  You have made a huge commitment to him, ask him to do the same for you now.  Sometimes we have to be selfish and if you want DPs baby, then make it known that you will do whatever it takes to have one.


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## Serene (Dec 6, 2011)

I have booked an apt for Monday to have my eggs counted  Havent told partner yet as he is out. Then joint apt made for 12th of January. So scary!!!! But exciting xxx


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## Spanisheyes (Dec 6, 2011)

Well done you ! This is the first day of the start of your journey.  Just wait until you start your first cycle, then the madness really begins!  Keep focussed and stay positive, and keep your mind on the end goal, becoming a mummy!


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## Serene (Dec 6, 2011)

Gonna cancel appointment - Told partner and that it was £190 - He rolled his eyes. 

If thats his response, I cant go through with this.


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## Spanisheyes (Dec 6, 2011)

Don't cancel your appt otherwise you're giving up at the first hurdle.  You have a few days to speak to him open heartedly and you need to be blatently honest with him about how you feel.  Any fertility journey is a tough old road for most and you're gonna need all the support from your DP, if he cannot offer this, it's going to be very tough emotionally and psychologically on you.  The biggest factor for him is probably fear of the unknown, remember he's been there and done that and got his family, it's not such a priority for him, but he has to be brutally honest with you too, otherwise you're putting your life on hold for him and you will resent him for it.  Maybe you both need to put cards on the table and then at least you will have your answer if you want the same thing or not.  It's difficult I know, but don't give up before you've even started.


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## Serene (Dec 6, 2011)

So true - Had a huge heart to heart about it - From start to finish how long until you know If you are pregnant - We will have to go throught it all as a vasectomy reversal is out of the question - Few comprimises have to be made.


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## FertileRoad (Nov 3, 2011)

Good luck Serene my appointments is on 15th to have my eggs counted. I've not told him yet the cost but hey ho he had the vasectomy he has the kids he cant be selfish and hold me back if he wants us to keep being in relationship. So tell your partner to put the money in the account as its going to happen and remind him he only goes through the procedure once you like me have to be pricked by needles and probed all the time.


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## Serene (Dec 6, 2011)

wow ur in the same boat eh?? Good luck chicken - Mine being counted on Monday MWAH xxxxx


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## FertileRoad (Nov 3, 2011)

appointments brought forward to tomorrow as my DP work pattern and my appointment on the 15th clashed! Let upi know how I get on


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## Serene (Dec 6, 2011)

Good luck huni x Im still in 2 minds about this xxx


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