# Don't know what to do with myself



## tobeornottobe (Jan 31, 2010)

I am so low right now having just had our last go at icsi and getting a BFN. I had started to think about adoption or just stopping altogether.  I am so lucky, I have a 7 year old DS that we had naturally but just haven't been able to get another one.

We are unexplained nothing wrong! Rubbish it's been 6 years and nothing, 3 IUS's 3 IVF's and nothing other than one chemical it's crazy!

Anyway it's been 3 days since I got my BFN and today I get an email from a close friend to say she is pregnant talk about kicking you when you're down. I'm in bits, feel like I've been stabbed in the heart.

DH doesn't know what to do or say. I've just had a chat with dh and he says he doesn't understand me and that no one is like me or feels what I do. He made out that I'd gone mad, reckons I need to see a doctor! The other day he was crying and we were on the same page and now 3 days later I'm the crazy one who needs help. I don't want to go on anti-depressants. Won't it affect me if I want to adopt? What they think I'm mad?

I don't know what to do, I'm really down and can't stop crying.

Please tell me I'm not alone feeling like this


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

Do your clinic have a counsellor you can have a chat with? Maybe that would help.


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

I am so sorry to hear your feeling so low.  I have often felt in that place.  It's only been 3 days no wander your struggling, think your just normal.

I think a lot of couples going through tx struggle to be on the same page, I know me and my dh do! The only thing I would say about that is that feeling after a bfn r so high that I would try hard not to take what each other say to heart. You need each other st the moment so try not to fall out. I know it's easier said than done.

Also sorry to hear about ur friend announcing her pg, the timing for these things always come at the worst time! My friend announced that she had had a baby girl as I was lying in a hospital bed waiting to be taken down to theatre to have an ectopic pg removed! Also my sil told me she was pg the day I had egg collection!!!! Omg what timing.

My dh and I r probably on our last go of treatment.  We found put in march that I need pgd ad I have a chromazone problem this is after 2 icsi and one fet, which was all Pretty pointless!!! We r also considering adopting if treatment fails or if we r lucky to have one bio I would love to adopt number 2.  

Have u considered seeing a councillor? X x x


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## jenni01 (Oct 15, 2010)

Hi Tobeornottobe!
Firstly I'm so sorry hun that you're feeling this way but it's completely understandable and you're not going crazy! 
It's so very hard to try and explain your feeling's to partner's or friend's etc, but on here we all understand..
Just because you have a child already doesn't mean that you do not deserve another..
You don't have a signature on your posting so I'm not sure of your complete circumstance's but is Clomid an option for you?
Don't feel like you're on your own hun cos you're not 
Try talking to your partner, even show him some similar posting's to your's and then he  may understand a bit more....but it is hard on them too!! 
I wish you well hun and take care...   
Jen.x


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## tobeornottobe (Jan 31, 2010)

Thanks for replying I read so many of these posts and it makes me appreciate what I've got but the longing for something I can't have is unbearable at the moment. Feel I am doing so much to try and move on but it's not working.

I have been seeing a councillor for about 3 months now to allow me to relax and feel positive but now I've never felt more negative.

Dh has just said he's not going to be miserable, I said lucky him I wish I had a choice!

I'm lost it seems I am being told by counsellor to let my feelings out and by Neal to pretty much pull myself together!


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