# Cant breathe



## Zorshia (Jul 23, 2014)

Hi

I was here under another name a while back. It took a total of 8 years and a nhs funded icsi cycle to get my daughter.
My son was born as a surprise naturally but was born with a nasty metabolic condition.

We have been ttc3 since nov 2012, knowing when we do get pregnant theres a 1 in 3 chance of another child having this metabolic condition. 

Another friends pregnancy has been announced and although ive been super low and hurt by infertility in the past i literally cant take it anymore. My cycles are all over we have low sperm count and even if i do get pregnant i have to cvs test. 

What the hell did i ever do to deserve all this, i just want a big family and to have kids when i choose like what i feels everyone else does. I dont want my life to be about infertility but at the same time until im finished having kids it always will be.

Im sick of it will happens, no its not and it doesnt look likely it ever will. Or the ones who assume i dont want more as heaven forbid i have two disabled kids to deal with. 

Im so sad and broken


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## Ms G (Aug 4, 2014)

Zorshia, 

All of our stories are different so I won't pretend to know what you are feeling. But, I can relate to the question of why me? I don't feel any of us deserve to go through this pain.

All I can say is to let yourself feel whatever is is you feel. For me, it helps to have some time alone and a good cry when I feel really low. I know DH is always there and feels the pain too.

I hope you have someone with you to give you a hug and here is one from me.   

MsG.


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## optimistic 13 (Nov 1, 2014)

Hey Hun .... I didn't want to read and run , I can't comprehend your pain... 
We've have had a failed cycle and 5.5 years of infertility.

It's certainly the hardest journey ever .... I'm constantly trying to justify it, asking searching for answers why . 😂
I don't know how I'm ever going to come to terms with any of it ...

Have you had counselling/ guidance  sessions ?
I hope I don't say the wrong thing in saying have you considered extending your family with adoption ?

I know it's not for anyone , I'm trying to think about it more as an alternative to not having biological children, this breaks me but there are so so many unloved children without families this breaks my heart, I feel I have a lot to tube and a lot of love in my heart to ignore this possibility. X x
Take care  x x


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## Zorshia (Jul 23, 2014)

Thanks ladies. 

Adoption was veto'd by hubby a long time ago as was sperm donation. I guess its having two that are biologically ours we wouldnt want any other child to feel different or not the same genetically.

I know its different to some as a lot of you ladies have never had a child and i am sorry but i love being pregnant, i love the feeling, i want that experience again and again. 

Im not ready to be done. 

<3

We are getting the preliminary tests done again as ours are 5 years old now but if needing IVF i have no idea where we are going to get the money. We are so in debt. The annoying thing is if the genetic fault was found before the infertility they would give free ivf as its cheaper for them to give IVF than to fund a disabled person for life


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## Froggy82 (Nov 8, 2012)

Hello Zorshia,
I'm sorry you're going through all this.
If you do IVF, maybe it would help to get a pre-implentation genetic diagnosis to choose embryos that are not affected by the metabolic condition you are carriers of? I'm not sure if this technique is applicable to your case?
xx


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