# Why did I get my hopes up



## vickym1984 (Jan 29, 2009)

Sorry, I lurk in here, and didn't know where else to post this

My husband and I are just at the begining of treatment after TTC for 3 yrs, now on 2nd cycle of clomid, but we may have to go to IVF dependant on what his repeat SA says

Anyways, I have a close friend who has a little boy (L)ages 9.5 months. I was with her throughout the pregnancy, went to appointments/scans with her, was at the birth. Due to a mental illness she has, she has struggled to cope with him from the begining, and is now so ill that her parents are looking after L (she has threatened to hurt her partner/other people)

We look after him once a month, and are looking after him this weekend. When I called her earlier this eve, she said her and her partner (not babys dad, but has been close to him) have talked about it and they wanted my husband and I to adopt L. Now at this point my head said it was her illness talking, and not to get my hopes up, and I said we shouldn't really as you will want him, but after the phone call and a few looks at him and my heart melted, and my heart started wanting him.

Yet I rang her an hr later to check how she was and she said how she wanted to get better so she could be a family with him, and it hurt me, it shouldn't have done, but it did. I should be happy she will want him eventually, but all I felt was hurt


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Vickym1984 - I have no idea what to say to you, but I didn't want to read and not reply.

Take Care

Fiona


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## vickym1984 (Jan 29, 2009)

Thanks fiona xx


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Hi 

Sorry to hear of the situation your friend is in, how fortunate she is to have a friend like you to support her.

As you have said yourself she may not be aware of the impact her words could bring to you so try not to take it personally.  Sometimes the need to be a mummy allows our heads to be away in the clouds    

Good luck with your tx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Vicky - wanted to send you a big   CG xxx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

I would say its a normal reaction and we have all been there and felt the way you do.......so coming on here and sharing how you are feeling with people who know will hopefully be a step in the right direction for you towards feeling a little bit better.

Don't be hard on yourself for the way you feel and of course this little one has melted your heart.

sending you a hug   to go with all the others the others have sent you and hope you can continue with the process of what ever route you go along to get your family.

love
Andrea
x


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## vickym1984 (Jan 29, 2009)

Thankyou all. Have been feeling a little better since last night. Part of it is that I feel guility that I got my husbands hopes up as well, but I didn't realise how much he would want it, otherwise I wouldnt have said anything at first.

When she gets back I am going to sit down and say we are happy with just being Auntie Vicky & Uncle shane, but if she did need us to adopt him then we would do, but I don't think she will need us to now, so am just going to focus on the fact she won't


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Vicky - I'm glad you're feeling better. I think you also need to stress to her that you can't just say "here's my baby, do you want to adopt him" but if that were to happen then she needs to go down proper channels, and also adoption is forever, she couldn't change her mind, it's not like babysitting  

Take Care

Fiona


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## vickym1984 (Jan 29, 2009)

Don't worry, I will stress that


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