# How do I know what my struggle is?



## gmama (Dec 4, 2010)

Am struggling to know which way to turn and would love some, any, insight...

I am 41 with a son just turned 5. An $18,000 US ICSI IVF just failed this fall and I can't reconcile doing that again for a 20% shot. Am booked in Czech for Donor Egg in April but haven't paid deposit yet. 

Am praying for a sign because I don't know which road to take. Is my struggle to persevere or is my struggle meant to be to accept and count my blessings? People say go with your heart but at this point I just don't know what my heart is saying. My husband has said he is in for whatever my choice but I sense he would be happy to have me just accept. Spent last night crying myself to sleep as my best friend announced herself pregnant with #4 - her oldest is 9 months younger than my son...

Would love more people to chime in on this...


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## reb363 (Mar 1, 2009)

So sorry you're feeling so sad.    

It's hard when you're IVF fails as it's a huge emotional investment as well as financial one - and it always seems to coincide with people you know having success making it doubly difficult.  

Maybe you need some time to get over this last round before committing to the next?  Does the clinic you were at offer counselling so you've someone to chat it through with?  It's hard to offer any insight as it's so individual but I didn't want to read and run.  IVF is a real long haul, it might work next time or it might take a couple of times - if you persevere you'll almost certainly get there.  So assuming you are able to invest the money in it the question is probably more do you have the emotional energy for it - so you can enjoy and cherish all the things you have in your life and it doesn't dominate it.


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## Evon (Jan 29, 2009)

Gmama do u have any idea why you have secondary infertility?
Have they tested for immunes? Did u have a c-section?

I think if u have answers to do this may help u decide whether to accept or try again.


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## bubblicous (Jan 14, 2008)

i think we invest so much in ourselves with ivf financially physically and mentally and when it doesnt work its devastating 


i know when my cycle failed i was gutted to say the least it took so much out of me on all levels and i just couldnt bare the fact i had failed and i started planning cycle no 2 and a gut reaction 


then due to dh loosing his job i had to put cycle 2 back which really was a blessing as i wasnt ready to cope with the stress etc again but i would have done it just cause i wanted it so much 


i think that when your planning on doing your next cycle is a good time as your giving yourself a nice good break i am so sorry your cycle didnt work and you never know your next cycle maybe the one that works


there are some woman on this site who have 50 odds and pregnant so really if you still want it then you should go for it but i would set myself a limit on how many times i would do it and what age id stop at we did this when we started on our journey and i think its a good thing to have


i wish you every luck with your cycle if you go ahead with it and i really hope it gives you your much wanted bfp


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## gmama (Dec 4, 2010)

Thanks for your insight.

Our problems conceiving have always been related to fairly severe male factor, though this last IVF has proven that now my age is very much a factor as well (just got four eggs, though all were mature, all fertilized and all became embryos and were transfered).

I did have a c-section with my first birth but I have had a hysteropocy (sp?) so I don't believe it's a factor.

I have heard that DE IVF is more than 60% successful at the Zlin clinic so I feel good about that. I know I want another baby but I just feel so very tired at the thought of everything - the trip, the procedure, the money and yes, even dealing with an infant again. I guess I'm just soul-searching out loud...


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## Evon (Jan 29, 2009)

Gmama good luck with your search - also if u can't say it here where can u?
Did u think about immunes testing? Mine came up high after DD - I need steroids and ivig after my bfp.
I did all the testing with ARGC.
Wishing all the best - it's such a hard one x

I was like Bubblious I had a set time scale in my mind - also I cycled in London and work in London. So was able to fit around work - and keep private (for me lots hit around Bank Hols v lucky)
Bubblious good luck with pregnancy x


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