# 42 ivf or donor egg



## Purplestar666 (Jul 12, 2016)

Hello all
First time ever on something like this. Had devastating news that I have low ovarian reserve. I now have to make the decision whether to go for IVF  (I've had no cycles) or donor eggs. Do I try or do I keep trying naturally? The decision is so difficult.
I have been ttc for over 4 years. No explanation for no pregnancies. Maybe I'm just too old.
Just needed some support from people going through the same thing.


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## Claudia H (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi Purplestar,

welcome and so sorry you received bad news. Who was it who gave you the news and how did they discern that? Did you have your AMH tested? I'm not sure whether they mean low for your age or just low. At 42, I'm sorry to say it wouldn't be all that surprising to have low ovarian reserve. So don't stress - you're normal. 

Have you had your FSH and AMH tested and do you know you Antral Follicle Count at the beginning of your cycle? I think you need all of these to get a real picture of your ovarian reserve. And it's also important to remember that AMH is just part of the picture. There are lots of people who have low AMH and go on to get pregnant and have healthy babies. so keep the faith. 

IVF is always going to give you a better chance of getting pregnant that trying naturally. I would recommend going to see a fertility clinic for a chat. With your results they will be able to tell you whether it's worth going for an IVF cycle or not. If you ovarian reserve is low but within the normal guidelines for your age - they may well say got for it. 

Of course your best chance of getting pregnant will be to use donor eggs. But that is a decision you should take having spoken to a good fertility clinic about your prognosis. 

don't give up and best of luck x


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## Purplestar666 (Jul 12, 2016)

Hello Claudia H
Thank you for your response. It's good to have a some help with it all.
I was told FSH was normal and AMH was low due to age. It is the fertility clinic who has said to make choice between IVF (3% chance of a baby) or donor egg (70% chance).
I suppose I was sort of pinning hopes on IVF.


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## peaandme (Oct 8, 2015)

Hello purplestar. I was in the same position as you last year, low AMH. The consultant (at Bourn Hall) told us that we had about a 10% chance of conceiving with my own eggs or 50-60% with donor eggs. A word of caution on statistics (because they get bandied about); our consultant at our clinic in Spain (we're using donor eggs) said that the success rate with donor eggs is 40-50% for someone of my age, so not quite as optimistic as the information we were given at BH.

We found it helpful to speak with a counsellor about donor conception, perhaps that's something you might consider when you're ready? It was extremely helpful to talk through our feelings about it and its implications. Knowing that I will never have my genetic children is devastating and the pain will always be there. Infertility is like grieving for the loss of a loved one except you have nothing to show for it (the words of the counsellor we saw). Give yourself time to process the news. My heart goes out to you.


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## Lily0750 (Aug 1, 2015)

The consultant I saw at Lister clinic said that if AMH<1 she would not suggest trying OE.
AMH can be improved with DHEA and ubiquinol (Co-Q10).
Some clinics abroad offer tandem cycles where they collect OE and DE same time. If OE blastocysts are good they would be transferred. Otherwise DE blastocysts would be ready to transfer. That's what I am going to do at TM in September.
42 is considered still young enough age to try OE, though depends on AMH etc.


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## Purplestar666 (Jul 12, 2016)

Thank you  peaandme and Lily0750. It's good to get more information from people going through it all.


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## manhattangirl (Mar 16, 2014)

There are so many stories about women our age who became pregnant naturally or with own eggs.  If the biological/genetic link is not crucial, then donor eggs are definitely going to give you a better chance.  Age 42 is still, however, young enough to have your own eggs work!  I would make sure that you maximize everything possible that you can do including supplements, timing, old wives tales, etc.  

Most of us TTC but don't really do it correctly.
I would recommend EVERYTHING possible that you can find which is not dangerous.  

I love the story about that model Caprice who got pregnant at ?41 right after her surrogate conceived!  After a miscarriage and failed IVF she ended up with two babies almost the same age!


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## Georgie 2014 (Oct 7, 2014)

Hi PurpleStar666,
I really feel for you - am also going through a similar scenario, having been trying ttc for 3 years, and now in my mid 40s. What I do know though, without a doubt, that even with low AMH it is possible to get pregnant with your own eggs in your 40s, so maybe it's worth giving it a bit more time before you turn to DE. I have friends who've done so. And what has really really helped me was discovering the work of a woman in the US called Julia Indichova, which I'd highly recommend to anyone on this journey. She's written a brilliant book called the Fertile Female (and also a memoir called Inconceivable) about having a child naturally aged 44 after the doctors had told her it would be impossible. In the Fertile Female she shares all the things that helped her. And, if you wanted to engage more deeply, she offers group phone calls, which are so enlightening, so nourishing, and really help to make sense of this journey as well as support you towards realising your dream and making the best decisions for you. Plus you get to engage with a very supportive community. Check out her website - www.fertileheart.com - there are loads of inspiring stories on it. She's totally the real deal!
Best of luck.
Georgie x

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


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## Adelphi (Jun 20, 2006)

My story:
I had a lot of problems with early onset menopause at 39-40 when I was ready to go it on my own having failed to find a partner. I found the whole thing difficult to accept as my FSH started to rise and cycles became very erratic         I thought I had a further 12 years to 52. That's what everyone was saying. I rushed to contact fertility clinics who all said "go directly to DE IVF, this is the cure for you". This is the cure for me    In hindsight they were right... 

I decided I was going to try my hardest to re-start things. I was going to  show um       I was emboldened by certain celebrities having babies into their 40s and now we have one about to become a first time mum at 50...... I looked into the following complimentary therapies: Traditional Chinese herbs with acupuncture, vitamin regimes, reflexology, spiritual modalities     Books I bought all of them including the one you refer to. What I will say is that several of these treatments took away my stress issues and sometimes created a regular bleed, but DID NOT replenish my ovarian reserve or re-instate regular cycles enough to undergo IVF or IUI as I was single     


Consequently I became aware that most of the late motherhood celebrities are likely using donor gametes. Also the statistics for natural live births in the over 40s are not so encouraging along with issues such as potential birth defects. I knew a woman who was only 40, but decided to go straight to donor egg even though she was still 'cycling' as she was very concerned about birth defects. 


IMHO Complimentary therapies are simply that, they support and DO NOT replace conventional fertility treatment. What I will say that if a person sticks to the idea that one can achieve motherhood without IVF and possibly including donor gametes, then a Lot of Time can be lost. So for example if I had listened to the fertility specialists in the first instance I would have a 12 year old child standing by my side now     Instead I am on my own and quite close to accepting a life without children as at my age I am very well aware of issues around leaving motherhood until the age most of my peers are becoming grandmothers    


I am trying to say that time flies and as an option donor egg IVF babies are exactly the same as any other. I have met many of them and they are wonderful babies, children and adults. 

So that was just My Story.

Best support and wishes in your fertility journey


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## Purplestar666 (Jul 12, 2016)

I have just logged back on today as needed a break from thinking about it all. Thank you so much for your words and advice. It's all helpful and helping me find different information. Still no decision made yet. But certainly feel supported and better informed from others. x


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## Lily0750 (Aug 1, 2015)

I agree with Adelphi. Everyone is different. Some women fall pregnant naturally at 49 (e.g. my partner's sister in law) some have menopause starting in early thirties.
When I found out that my AFC was low it took me another six months to realize that I will love a child even if he/she is DD.
As you can see from my signature I am going for tandem cycle as I still hope my body may produce at least one good quality egg. Luckily I still have regular cycles and trying to improve eggs quality with DHEA and other supplements.
But I am trying to be realistic as well and I do not have time and money for 5-10 IVFs so will have the donor cycling along side with me.


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## Cheesy (Jul 4, 2012)

Purple star I didn't want to read and run. Welcome!

I remember feeling shocked when I got my AMH results back and DE was immediately suggested. I wasn't ready to give up on OE immediately and my DH was supportive. I took some of the supps mentioned above including DHEA (but I think it triggered some cysts) and co-q10, vit D, royal jelly etc. also tried high stim cycle and a mild, low stim cycle. (Low stim and natural IVF are cheaper BTW). I suspect much luck was also on our side, hard to know what made the difference, and I conceived on the low stim cycle. But in trying for a sib, I never succeeded in repeating that luck with OE so have now moved to DE - I'm ready and feel just as excited (but maybe having had an OE child it was easier to move on!). I was 38 when I had my OE success but my AMH was lower than yours and my AFC was 2! 

I'd say give it lots of thought and follow your instinct. You might need to give OE a shot so you never feel any regret. It might come down to finances in which case higher chance of success might win out. It's a really tough place to be in emotionally, I remember it all too well. 

Thinking of you xxx


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## Rebecca_747 (Jan 19, 2016)

Hi
I'm also 42 and going to start the process of IVF...  I'm single and decided to go it alone after a miscarriage with my ex 2 years ago.. It made me realise life is too short to wait around for Mr Right and a baby is what I want more than anything in the world.  I've since had 4 IUI's, the 1st ended in a miscarriage, the others didn't take.  I did consider using donor eggs as a work colleague is in the same position as me but a year older (43).  She really recommends donor eggs as she now has twins but did do ivf using her own which sadly failed for her.  I went to my clinic yesterday and was told I have low egg reserve too.  Left ovary has 4 follicles and right only has 3.  I was told I have a 10% chance of a live pregnancy.  I've decided to give it another chance as I know as a back up (god forbid not) that I can go down the donor egg route after..  I wish you all the best and keep my fingers crossed of you.  It would be really nice to chat to people who are sadly in the same boat


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## Purplestar666 (Jul 12, 2016)

Hi Rebecca_747
It is really difficult to make these choices. But it is easier to talk through with people going through the same thing.
I wish you all the best and hopefully it won't be too long till we all get the news we want.


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

Rebecca_747 all the best with whaever you have decided. Fingers crossed you will be a winner


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