# It's time i join you lovely ladies over on this board........



## dhikki (Sep 5, 2005)

Hi everyone, i can't quite believe i am coming over to this board to stay but i have found myself here and it's all come as  a bit of a shock  

Long boring story that i won't go on and on about but have got 2nd cyst since new years day, had to go to doctors yesterday and she has strongly advised us not to do anymore treatment...... 

She has also asked me to start thinking about a hysterectomy..... 

We truly have come to the end of the road our baby dreams are gone  

Love Donna


----------



## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

Hello Donna

I've not been hear so very long either ...

Just wanted to send you a big hug, and say how sorry I am for the health problems your are facing alongside losing your dream of being a mum.

Jx


----------



## dhikki (Sep 5, 2005)

Hi Pol

Thank you for your support  

no offence meant to anyone but this really is one board i didn't want to find myself joining  

But deep down i always knew i would end up here with you lovely ladies......


----------



## Natalie01 (Jun 10, 2007)

Hiya and welcome,

A big hug from one (originally) Norfolk ladee to another.  I grew up in Wymondham very many years ago.....One advantage of our merry band, is that as we have come to that point where deep down we have to draw a line and find happiness, meaning and direction in other ways. This in itself can be fun as it will give you the time and space to find hobbies and interests that you never knew you had. Even though I know that I will never be a mummy, at least that cloud has the silver lining that I see so many busy mums and dads who never really have time to enjoy their own space and their partners.  So take your DH by the hand and treat him to a lovely evening out/in and begin your life as a family of two.

Nat xx


----------



## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Hi Donna, welcome to our safe haven. You have taken a big step and we all know how hard that is  . Thinking of you.

Yamoona
x


----------



## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Donna,

It is always wierd to welcome someone here, a place nobody really wants to come, but you are welcome. I hope you find this a safe place to help you through this difficult time. 

love,

Jq xxx


----------



## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Donna

Sending you a very gentle   and a warm welcome to the board. Can understand your sentiments about not wanting to post here, I think its something many of us never wanted or expected to do.... here we are though, and I can honestly say the folks here are very supportive and understanding about what its like to be at the end of the line regarding tx.

I am sure you must be going through so many emotions, loads of different griefs about everything you have been through, this recent news and the uncertain future you now find yourself facing. I hope you find some comfort and support here, and you are able to let off steam if you need to.

We're here for you hon ...

Love
Emcee x


----------



## dhikki (Sep 5, 2005)

I just wanted to say a very big thank you for everyones kind words of support so far since my post earlier today!

As has been said I'm sure not one of us wanted to find ourselves on this board but at least we all have eachother and the support we can offer eachother will help us all   even though i am sure we all have different reasons and complaints as to why we have ended up here together... 

 As i am sure you will all understand my dear husband and i have loads to talk about over the next few days, and lots of horrible choices to make .....  

The first thing we mainly have to decide is what to do with our frosties in st Bart's London, they have been made by my husband and myself we didn't have any donor sperm or eggs. They have been frozen for quite sometime now and as we have had 6 attempts at tx they are not the best quality, but i have just been wondering today if we have an option of donating them to a couple they might be able to use them. Would anyone know if this could be an option to us? or would we just have to let them perish?  

We also have to thing about what path to take from here on in, obviously i have to consider the hysterectomy as it has been strongly advised by my doctor.... and this is something i must consider for my future health  

We then have to talk about where we might go from here as far as children, it is not an option for us to adopt because my husband quite a bit older then me (14) years to be exact and he has had lots of problems with his heart which is an ongoing problem after his heart attack some years back. Plus i don't think either of us can face the heart ache of another uncertain road......... 

I know it's early days for us, and i don't think i have really taken in what has been told to us this week, i haven't cried yet, and this is very unlike me...... 

So i think there will be many posts from me on here over the next few weeks, many questions and probally many tears, so i thank you all in advance for your much needed support , your patience and more importantly your kind understanding.......  

I cannot quite believe this is day 2 of a childless future, it feels unreal...........


Love and best thoughts for everyone Donna xx xx  ;


----------



## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Oh Donna hon, I'm so sorry that you have so much heartache at the moment  

All I can advise is to take things one day at a time, perhaps not make too many decisions at the moment and sit on some things if you can... I honestly don't know what your clinics policy might be regarding your frosties... perhaps its worth having a chat with them?

Whilst I'm on the subject of your clinic, do they have an infertility counsellor at hand? I know I found mine a great source of support...

Wishing you both the very best hon, know it must seem like your world is crashing down around you at this moment in time... remember to hold each other close and just keep breathing...

Tons of love
Emcee x


----------



## dhikki (Sep 5, 2005)

Just want to say thanks again for all of your support and greatly needed advise!

Thankfully my husband and i are very very close, we adore eachother and i would go so far as to say he is my life. I love him with all my heart and i thank god he chose me. I would have loved more than anything to have given him a baby. As i know he would have been the best father anyone could have wished for. He adores me too and i know in his eyes i can do no wrong, he doesn't and never has blamed me for our situation although i have many times, because he doesn't have fertility medical problems. It's me with the pcos and the endo.

I find it harder also taking into account his family history, you see Brian is an only child. His mother and father have sadly both left this world. He does of course have my family now although not sure how grateful he is for that!!  

I love Brian more than anything and i know deep down in my heart if anyone can get through this awful heartache, then we can..... We will always have eachother, we have the a real closeness that nothing can destroy. We talk all the time, never keep anything from eachother, and we are just so close in everyway.  

I have to admit i am in a very desperate place at the moment, and if it wasn't for Brian i couldn't cope. I am also looking forward to some us time, if that makes any sense? I am trying to look forward at our time together, not thinking about, going through or waiting for tx.... But does this sound selfish?

I don't know what the future holds, but i know if we stay strong and together and close like we always have been we can cope with what ever life chucks at us!  

The hardest thing is my guilt for not allowing my darling husband to enjoy being a parent. It kills me to say this but if he was with someone else he could be that very special father that i know he was meant to be.. 

Thanks for reading 

Love to you all so much, thankyou for being here...... 

Donna xx


----------



## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

((((hugs )))) to you Donna and welcome to the board.
Bernie xxx


----------



## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hello again Donna,

It does not sound at all selfish to be looking forward to some time together as a couple. It is just what you need and deserve right now!

So many people who cannot have children feel they have let thier partner down. Contrast this with the fact that many parents stick together just because of their children and divorce when either they can stick it no longer or the kids have grown! One thing we couples who survive IF can be sure of is that we are with one another because we want to be, no other reason. 

LoL Jq xxx


----------



## VT (Aug 5, 2005)

Hi Donna,

Welcome to our board. Like you have said it might not be somewhere you ever wanted to end up but it really is a supportive, sanity keeping place to be.

I just wanted to say it is worth taking some time out before you make any major decisions about anything. When we have had bad news that we are reeling from I tend to want to make decisions to change stuff - like selling the house for example and thank goodness DH indulges me to a point but holds me back from doing something stupid. I think it comes from my desire to have some control over my life when the one thing I really want to have control over I can't. My decisions and thought processes come from a place of hurt and anger and can't possibly be the right ones. I have discovered that I need a little time to be able to make sense of everything and to be sensible, not just react to pain.

I completely agree with JQ too, I also think that couples who come through IF are together because we want to be and we are stronger than most other couples. We have had to face and talk about issues that others do not have to and therefore 'know' our partners more deeply. It gives us the ability to work through all the other stuff life throws at us and realise what is important enough to be an issue and what is not.

I hope that you and DH are able to hold each other close and move forwards with your lives together.

Take care. 

Love

VT
x


----------



## moggy3 (Jan 13, 2007)

Hello Donna  

Just wanted to welcome you to this board.

Like you said-none of us wanted to end up on here, but now you have joined us you have joined a very special group of people.
We have all survived the trials and tribulations of IF and we are all the more stronger for it   We obviously haven't got the outcomes we all so desperately wanted but like all the other ladies on here it does make you so much stronger as an individual and as a couple as well.

I too feel desperately guilty that my DH will never be a dad or that my parents will never be grandparents but none of them although Im sure they're disappointed have ever apportioned blame. Our IF was unexplained anyhow but Im very good at blaming myself for things that go wrong  

You and your DH sound as if you have an exceptionally strong relationship ( as do I with my DH ) and you will find great solace in each other over the days/weeks/months ahead.

I am still in the early days myself muddling through this long process of accepting that we will never have children-we made the decision last may when our second ICSI attempt failed and due to the fact that the meds I was on made me an emotional wreck and nearly caused us to split up we both decided that our marriage was too precious to risk ( even for children ) in case the same thing happened again.

We sometimes have to take stock of what we do have in life rather than look at what we don't have-I would rather have my DH and our fantastic relationship than be like a couple we know who have 1 child & are about to have a second but as a couple are mis-matched, make each other miserable and will never be happy.
No thanks-I,ll take my situation any day  

So take each day at a time, don't make any snap desicions and make the most of your DH  

Take care

Judy
xxxx


----------



## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

I'm late to this but I just wanted to add my welcome and say I'm sorry that it has ended all so unhappily for you.  It sounds like you have a great relationship with your dh which I'm sure will see you through.

Good luck

flipper


----------

