# stressed out in my job



## misskitten (Oct 31, 2010)

I have been feeling more stressed at work for the past year or so, and I feel that the route of all my stress and anxieties about work are really to do with infertility because my tolerance levels are lower. 

I am so angry and annoyed that infertility is affecting other areas of my life, as much as I try not to let it, it is always there lurking in my consciousness.  

I feel that reducing my work hours might help the stress levels, if my employer would agree to it. What I really want to do though is leave the job and start my own business doing something that I enjoy and that may fill a gap in my life. 

Am I mad to consider this with infertility hanging over me and the uncertainty that brings? My employer has excellent maternity and adoption leave and pension provision. 

I can't hang on in there just in case my next IVF cycle works or we decide to adopt though can I? 

I feel that life is passing me by sometimes  

missK


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## Passenger42 (Jan 27, 2010)

Hi

Just thought I would drop you a quick note. Sorry to read your feeling stressed and unhappy at work. It's a tough decision to make deciding to leave to go self employed.

Can you stick it out on a full time basis just until your final tx is over? I was in a similar position to you but the advantages of the maternity provisions with the opportunity to reduce my hours after birth and going back to work made me hang on there.

It's a lot of pressure trying to run your own business in today's economy that is also going to be stressful and you won't get any mat leave. I just think it makes more sense to carry on in your full time job so you can take full advantage of your benefits when you get your success.

Really hope this third tx comes good. I took sick leave and annual leave when I felt pressured at work and I took a step back and did the bare minimum to get by as I took the view my treatment was more important but I hanged it out in my job and I'm glad I did now as I am on mat leave.

Passenger


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## moo84 (Oct 14, 2011)

miss kitten - I could have written your post myself, literally word for word. 

I'm afraid that I don't have any words of wisdom, as I am in exactly the same boat (not at IVF, yet, but the uncertainty as to whether each month of treatment is going to work out is very much my picture), but thought I'd let you know you are not the only one in this position.
Let me know if you get any inspiration as to how to manage the situation!! 

Moo x


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## yogabunny (Sep 12, 2012)

hi misskitten  

I was feeling similar (plus bad working environment) and so I went freelance when I started ivf, and am exploring other things that i'd like to do, in the down time, with the aim of starting a business in something i really love. 

It's been great, but not without issues, for example I had to turn down several bits of work when I had MC as I just couldn't concentrate and for some days was in pain, and has no sick leave to fall back on.....

I can totally see Passenger's point of view and I do worry when times are quiet as we don't need financial pressure on top of everything else. Is there a way you can work towards it? Perhaps by reduced hours at your current job and then using the other hours to start looking at doing your own thing?

Let us know what you decide and sending lots of luck. xx


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm in a similar position. I wanted to set up as self employed when I got made redundant a few years ago, but took a job with good benefits thinking it would be worth it when we had a child. Sadly plans didn't work out, and now I'm in the position that 4 years down the line i'm stuck in a job I'm not progressing anywhere in, and not feeling like I'm able to do anything about it as we need the money if IVF is successful. If it isn't and we adopt then I still need a stable full time job to get a years adoption leave and then have a good chance of part time.

It's difficult and only you can decide, but i would basically take the decision on the basis of finances. Can you cope on your OHs money alone? I know if we cut back on luxuries and holidays we could just about manage, but at the minute I feel like we need those things to cheer us up. 

It's very hard when you feel like the rest of your life is on hold, and then you can feel like you are trapped. 

I don't think i have helped in the slightest, but at least you know you aren't alone in being confused  

Whatever you decide I wish you luck x x x


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## misskitten (Oct 31, 2010)

thank you all so much for your supportive replies. Good advice and it does help knowing it's not just me feeling stuck like this. 

I suppose lots of women face these sorts of decisions with work even if they don't have fertility issues. It's just everything that's wrong in my life seems to be the fault of Infertility! That seems very silly now I've written it down though. 

I'm going to have to wait and see what happens with IVF #3 but try to reduce working hours in the meantime to maintain my sanity!

xxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

It's a tough one I hung out in a job / career I hated for ages because of TTC, ICSI, maternity packages etc   Obviously as you can see by my signature it was a waste of time. Then in October last year I decided enough is enough and handed my notice in. I thought I can't carry on living for what if anymore. IF makes you miserable enough without other areas of your life bringing misery. January this year I started the job I am doing now and I enjoy it. It doesn't fufill all my career goals and dreams but I go in, work hard and enjoy what I do. 

I was covering short term when I started and got an interview for a post I would really have liked (would have fufilled a number of career hopes and dreams) and better money. Then current work offered to extend my contract and I took it. We are adopting and I work for the council (always have) you are only entitled to statutory  pay there is no package as there is with maternity. Also you have to have been in your current post continuously for at least 26 weeks and worked at least 16 hours a week during that time to get even statutory. Self employed people adopting aren't even entitled to statutory pay you get nothing. 

All this meant that as the interview was with a new council and would = new employer I stayed where I was.   So I started brave but have ended up being sensible again. However I am much happier. Good luck with what you decide.


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## one_day_maybe (Mar 18, 2013)

Don't really have any advice for you as you really have to do what you feel best with but just wanted to say that I could almost have written your post.  I was so stressed out at work whilst trying to lose weight to be eligible for IVF that I changed jobs only to find that I was even more miserable in the next one.  It took me a long time to realise that the root of all my issues was infertility and not work.  I know exactly what you mean about life passing you by, I still feel like that every so often but we're trying to make an effort to find nice things to do at weekends to get us through the tough times.

Hugs to you


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## KS1 (Sep 15, 2012)

It seems so many of us are in the same boat, since 2 failed ICSI attempts, I have been very irritable at work, and then I got made redundant (hopefyully not because of this) but now I find it hard to settle anywhere I am anxious and irritable, moody and yes it feels like it has taken over my life, feeling depressed a lot


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## misskitten (Oct 31, 2010)

thank you ladies 

Gwyneth - so good to see you're happy in your job now. So true you get to a point where you  "can't carry on living for what if anymore". Best of luck with the adoption x

Swirly Flowers - doing nice things is at the top of my list right now! I am currently planning two holidays  After I wrote that I felt life was passing me by, I gave myself a kick up the bum 

KS1 - sorry you're feeling low. IF feels like a vicious weed that crushes you and takes away all your joy for life. I don't think you feel like this for ever though. xxx  

Since I started this thread I decided to start voluntary work doing something that I am passionate about. I am really excited about it because it will give me experience in what I plan to do in the future. I'll have to stick out the stressful paid job for now but have spoken to my manager and might be able to reduce my hours. It doesn't sound like much but it has changed my outlook and focus for the time being


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