# Another Newbie



## Hidyhi (Dec 16, 2004)

Hello    everyone -  I have been reading this site for sometime and found it really helpful. Although I am sad there are so many in the same boat, it is so comforting to hear from people who understand. I have confided in two good friends, although one is now pregnant and sadly I do not feel able to talk with her anymore - I feel very selfish about this but the pain of our situation is too much, so I just avoid it! So as you can see, I am feeling quite lonely and sorry for myself at the mo and looking for some TLC. DP is great, but not sure he always really understands or if I understand what he is feeling. We are "unexplained" whatever that means!

We are at the point of deciding whether IUI or IVF is the next step and looking into both. I'd love to hear from anyone at the same stage and anyone who has found ways to be more positive about the whole infertility thang (I'm sure it would really make you laugh to know I am a psychologist!!! but it's hard to practise what u preach!!)

Anyway... beginning to prattle so will sign off for now. Lots of luck and best wishes to all those trying. XX


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## chick66 (Nov 18, 2003)

Hi There
Welcome to FF!
As you've already seen, you're not alone and there are unfortunately, plentry of us in the same boat as you.  I'm sorry I can't help with your question on IVF/IUI as a treatment though, I'm waiting on an operation and then going from there.
Wishing you the best of luck
Chick


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## kty (Nov 19, 2004)

Hello,

You have come to the right place!!! I am just starting my first cycle of icsi this month so it is all very new to me too. We had decided to have IUI first for unexplained (like you say, what ever that means! Its not a helpful term is it), but they found out my dh had antibodies so ICSI  was our only option in the end. I hope that you find the information and support that you need in order to make the next steps, this site is very supportive and has really changed the way I feel about the whole process.

Wishing you the very best of luck,

Love kty xxxx


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## Trislan (Dec 15, 2004)

Hi Hidyhi 

I found it hard to put into words how I felt. It’s not really a subject that's highlighted too much. Where I live they always have programs following women giving birth, but never anything about people going through difficulties. It’s a real hidden subject (well come to think of it, I keep it hidden because it’s too painful to talk about, so I guess that also goes for the broader public). I didn't know how to address my feelings. I really thought I was cracking up a month ago, then I found this website and it has helped me to vent and verbalize my feelings. 

How to describe it? Unexplained is ambiguous with no guarantee. For example, I decided after years and years of consideration that I would get a brace on my teeth. I was given 18 mths with this form of "treatment". At least at the end of 18mths, I should have nice teeth to show for this discomfort. Then it made me wonder, in 18mths would I have a child to show after all my other treatments? I couldn't answer the question myself, so I got very down. For me, it’s just all unsure, and I don't make any plans. I just go from day to day and month to month.
Again, I’m sorry to moan in front of everyone, I know that there’s a lot in life that I should be and am thankful for, and things could be worse. But this area of my life is just empty and unclear. Most days I cope fine, but the feelings are always very close to the surface.

Anyway, I’m there with you, and so is everyone else here.


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## sammy1 (Dec 11, 2004)

Hi, we will hopefully be having ICSI in new year, I am having a hysteroscopy in January so hopefully after that.  I totally understand how you feel, I also feel that I am thinking about it all the time and also live from day to day.  I have two close friends who have just announced their pregnancies and although I am genuinely delighted for them, I still went home and cried my eyes out.  I have found being on this site and just knowing there are so many other people out there dealing with the same issues that you can chat to is a great help.  I actually went to see the counsellor at the Hammersmith last week who I found quite helpful.  She said she may be able to help with some stress exercises !! (although you probably know all about them!!!) We have not told any of our friends about our situation only our immediate families who cannot always understand my feelings.
I am sure this is not helping you at all but don't feel lonely, we are all in the same boat and somehow we will all get through it.
Keep smiling - I am thinking of you
Sammy xx


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## Hidyhi (Dec 16, 2004)

Thanx for all your support guys...it really does help. We are all having to deal with feelings that are so new - anger, unfairness, desolation, hopelessness, guilt(when I fell bad someone else is pg!) etc etc the list goes on. I have always been such a positive person, but now I feel like my personality is changing and I am becoming a bitter whingey old bag!! My poor DP has a lot to put up with!

You're right its the uncetainty of it all. If I knew that in 5 years I would reach my goal of a family I would gladly wait with all the patience of a saint! You hear of such sad stories though and then the anxiety creeps back in. Even adoption is fraught with uncertainty... but we haven't even begun to think of that option yet, although it is more and more on my mind as I am not hopeful about the tx working (negativity pervades!)

At least we can all throw ourselves in to Crimbo - we are having the family (parent, sister and family) so lots to do- I am lucky that I feel extremely positive towards my sisters children who are 3 and 9 months and am very close to them - I can't bear to be around other people's babies though! (there's that guilt again!)

I really hope you all find some solice and peace over Christmas - Oh to feel content and relax would be nice. 

Glad to have found such nice people out there, even though we are all strangers - hurrah for the internet!

Take care XXXXXX


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## Talia (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi all,

I have been lurking around these boards for a while now but have plucked up the courage to post as I really wanted to let you all know what a comfort FF has been - just to know that DH and myself are not only ones going through our battle against infertility.

Have been ttc for over 2 years, so far has been a continuous succession of bad news. Firstly I was diagnosed with PCOS before DH was found to have v. elevated FSH and azoospermia. What a pair! 

So, after the usual investigations to see if there was anyway that we could find any of DH's sperm (resounding NO! every attempt) we have come to the realization that donor sperm is probably our best chance to try and create a much-wanted family. (To make things more complicated we are currently living and working abroad in Europe so all our treatment to date has been conducted in a 2nd language - wouldn't reccomend this!)

We are at a kind of crossroads at the moment, not knowing how to progress with the donor option. We are back in the UK for Xmas so we are hoping to visit some clinics in the London area then, we already have an appointment (for an informal chat) at The London Women's Clinic. Has anyone any experience with them?

I suppose my greatest concern is over the potential lack of choice of donor. I have been doing as much research as possible about the whole process and feel like I come across story after story where the couple have essentially been told "not to worry about the donor," and have to basically accept the clinic's choice. I would love to hear from anyone with more information/experience on this...

Anyway, enough rambling. It feels good to have got this out. So far we have not told anyone about our IF problems, and especially with living abroad away from family and friends we have gone through some pretty low times - so finally sharing this feels like a weight off my mind.


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## Trislan (Dec 15, 2004)

Hi Talia
I also live abroad in Europe. I know exactly how you feel with the language difficulty. Eventhough their English is OK, its basic when you want a thorough explanation and to feel better.
Even though I have made friends abroad, there can be times when I feel a little homesick (and alone), and that coupled with IF feelings is not very pretty. I also have told only 1 close friend (who also lives abroad). My in-laws live nearby and for quite a while they were pushing the subject with me. It was and still can be quite difficult.
As we all feel - none of us would mind this, if at least we could be sure of some happiness at the end of treatment. That's the hard part.
But lets just help each other through this!!
This website is great.


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## Grumps (Dec 13, 2004)

Hi Trislan & Talia
I'm another Newbie, sad at IF   but glad to have found FF   and living abroad!!  
I am in Turkey where are you guys? (Don't answer that if you don't want to!)

I could totally empathise what you both said. The heartbreaking, stomach churning, depressing business of IF is devasting. And not speaking the same language as your Doc really sucks!! The hospital is great and very modern and i'm confident in them, but DH gets cross with me when i want every single syllable translated (even the ums and ahhs!!). I guess i should be grateful one of us understands though?!

I wish i hadn't told any of my friends and family in the UK either, but i did and bearing in my mind i don't see or speak to them that often, it's the first thing they want to talk about when they see/speak to me. I am actually in UK at mo for xmas and every time i see someone they ask 'so no babies yet then how're your tests going blah blah blah' and i really wish i had never said anything in the first place cos i can't say 'mind your own business i don't want to talk about it with every Tom Dick and Harry!!!' now that i've already made it an open topic! Ahhh rant over i hope you understood that!  

Wow i feel much better now this is like cyber therapy. I am so glad i found this site!
I was just going to say i hope to hear from you soon but i don't think i will get many more chances to get online til i get home after xmas as i am with a friend for a coupla days who has a pooter but monday i go off to other rellies who don't. But anyway, will be in touch sooner or later.

Lots of love and luck to all
and a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! xx


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## Trislan (Dec 15, 2004)

Hi TTCToolong

Yep, that’s another reason we decided not too share this with anyone. I said it to our friends who had just got married. I was chatting to her DH after their honeymoon, and the subject of kids came up. Her DH opened up (or so I thought) that some people we know took a year TTC. I felt I was on safe ground and so I finally gave in and admitted that we were TTC for 1yr (now 2yrs ago). We found out 2 wks after that that they were pregnant (1st go on honeymoon), and he knew that when we had the chat. I felt let down coz I know I would never have mentioned it. In my personal case and opinion, I feel when I say it to others, then they are also tracking our progress. There is enough pressure with me feeling it, than having others on my back as well. BTW, I'm in NL, but will also be offline for Christmas. Hope to chat more in 2005.

Have a great Christmas everyone, and all of the very best in 2005!!! J


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hey Girls,

Just wanted to welcome to you FF!  It is a fab site and you will soon feel at home here.

If there is anything you need to know, please feel free to ask!

Good luck.

Laine x


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## Annie F (Dec 18, 2004)

Hi Hidyhi
I can't help you on the IVF IUI issue as I too have reached that point. I've been trying for 2 years and have just about had enough of clomid after 8 months. So now what? I can feel the over 35 clock ticking. Do I try IUI although the doctor said the success rate was less than IVF and it's less invasive and less expensive? But I may need loads of treatment so why not just go for IVF while I'm younger? Or why not wait and see what happens?
It is so comforting to see I am not the only one. I have been on this sight nearly all day. I can feel the cramps of AF anouncing itself so have felt all teary and rubbish today.
All my family seem to falling pregnant around me and I am feeling it hard to feel happy for them when I am struggling.
It's the fact I just don't know if I can do it too that's part of my frustration. So what do I do?
We getting married in June so there's something to take my mind off my quest. I really don't want to start major treatment till the summer, but if I fell I would be sooooooooooooooooo happy!!!!
Please give me some hope,I keep feeling maybe babies aren't coming my way after all.
Thanks
Anne-Marie


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## Grumps (Dec 13, 2004)

Hi Annie F
Poor you you sound very down. I hope you are feeling better today. I completely understand how you feel. After I was dx with 1 blocked tube and was told there's still a chance I could get pg via the other one, but they also say the fluid in the blocked one 'may' be embryo-toxic and could potentially terminate any pg from the good side  . So i was left wondering the same things, do i just soldier on, cross my fingers and keep trying? Or go for broke, have the tube clipped/removed and go straight to IVF and not waste any more time?? Who knows what to do?? I really need to go for a Lap but even that is easier said than done as my nearest IVF clinic is 10 hours away (i live in Turkey) so it's not easy to arrange around DHs work and everything.  Nothing's ever simple is it.  
To top it off my SIL is due late Jan (she knows we're ttc) and has done nothing but moan throughout her entire pg. Every symptom she's had she's wined and whinged about and i'm saying 'oh poor you it must be terrible' while thinking 'how dare you moan about this to me?? you know i want a baby more than anything and you're treating your pregnancy like and inconvenience!!' sorry rant over  
The only thing i can say to even attempt to make you feel any better is that despite all the above i really believe that 'what will be will be' and we'll all have our little bundles sooner or later, we've just got to brave it through the trials that come in between! And when you eventually get your wish, it will be all the more special.

Trislan - that's awful what happened with your friends. Some people can be so insensitive, and with something that is perhaps the most sensitive issue we ever encounter! See above about my SIL!!   I feel like all my friends and family are tracking us every step of the way and the pressure is enormous. Like all eyes are on us. I'm the baby of my whole family (incl cousins and everyone) and they've all got kids already and i feel like they're all holding their breath til i say i'm pg. So I've got my armour plating up throughout this xmas to fend off the barrage of questions.....just going to grit my teeth and smile through it all!  

Hope you all have a wonderful xmas, and keep thinking 'New Year, New Start' Let's begin 2005 with BIG PositiveMentalAttitudes!!   

The best thing about 2004 was finding FF and the relief you all bring. Look forward to catching up in 2005.

Lots of love
ttc xxx


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## Annie F (Dec 18, 2004)

TTctoolong
Thanks I'm feeling alot better today.So what will you do? I am going to my hospital to find out more about IVF and then probably try after June(Our wedding).In the mean time I am considering Foresight. I've had 3 months of acupuncture which made me feel strong and healthy but it was getting rather expensive.
Have many of you girls given up alcohol? I did for a bit but at this time of year I find it hard. My specialist said he had no problem with me moderate drinking esp good wine! But I have read others saying even a little lessens your chances. Will try to be teetotal in January.
TTCT - my SIL had her 5th baby this month not sure how I will cope when I meet him at Christmas. It's all the fussing around my SIL that I find difficult. I've had nine months of baby chat - "baby's names' ' how will the siblings cope' '5 kids poor you'. I'd like just one please! My familly are pretty sympathetic and lovely though so thats good. Although when I told my dad how much IVF cost and the statistics he said " I wouldn't bother why don't you just adopt?" - I have actually thought about that but Fred has two teenagers so we already have kids sort of(they only visit weekends)
Why can't I get NHS funding as Fred has kids? They don't live with us, they are teenagers and we don't have any spare cash as he supports them. I do love them but I feel like I'm really being penalised - I'm not their Mum!
I'm sorry I seem to be ranting again.
It is so good to have this site. I am not alone!!
Good luck everyone
Anne-Marie x


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