# Is anyone adopting (or have adopted) through Surrey la?



## we*want*a*furball (Nov 7, 2009)

Hi all

Well as the subject says i'm looking for people who are or who have adopted through Surrey LA. I'm really to keen to hear about your experiences (good and bad).

DH and i are now leaving infertility treatment behind us. We actually made this decision at the end of last year after our 8th miscarriage but actually have just been through another treatment because we had one fresh cycle left on the NHS. I'm not sure if anyone remembers but i posted about my confusion over whether to move on with adoption with the thought of this 'last chance' on my mind. You were all very helpful and i'm glad i did the treatment as i haven't been left with any what ifs.

Anyhow, i digress, we went to an adoption day in April with Surrey LA - there were a couple of people who had adopted through Surrey presenting and they were really helpful. We came away happy with the day and how we were going to proceed forward but we did have one nagging thought. One of SW's was extremely keen on telling us how hard adoption was which is fair enough, people need to know it's not a walk in the park and we don't expect it to be but she was very over the top almost like she was trying to put all of us off (there were about 30 couples). A lady asked whether it was ok to give an adoptive child a middle name of your choice and the SW went into a massive rant about how a child should be called their birth name and if you didn't like it you shouldn't adopt that child! There were also a lot of other points where it had to be her way or the highway. There were a few times when the adoptive parents who were presenting actually stood up and disagreed with her, one even told us at the end to take what she said with a pinch of salt.

We are just a bit worried that all SW's are dragons - surely this should be a two way process where we should feel comfortable?

Thanks for any replies and i look forward to speaking to you all.
Zoe


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## Candy Kate (Jun 14, 2011)

Hi

So sorry to hear about your over the top sw.  Its such a shame they feel they have to put people off when they're so many children that need loving homes.  I'm really pleased your looking into adoption.  I had always wanted to have children of my own and it takes a while to come to terms with not being able to.  But having done that I know I can do something really great for someone through adoption that wouldn't happen if I'd had my own children.

I'm not adopting through Surrey la so I can't offer any advice on them, but I have heard that you can go through other la's within a 40 to 50 mile radius of where you live, so its worth speaking others at this early stage.  I'm considering other la at the moment as it has taken 8 to 9 months to speak to a sw and then I had to wait 7 weeks for a verdict on our meeting.  And |I don't feel that its a 2 way conversation we can have.  People should be able ask the questions they need to ask with out being judged, its a huge learning process and you can't know it all from the beginnning, you need to ask the questions.  

Sorry I haven't been very helpful,  but its worth looking into other la.

Wishing you all the best x


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## minmouse (Nov 15, 2009)

Hi Zoe,

I'm with Surrey. Our orientation day was over a yr ago so I guess diff sw's but we came away with a really balanced feeling. they did  highlight challenges and managed expectations on type of children, but I didn't feel we were being put off, sounds like u got them on a bad day?!  Weren't the adoptive parents brilliant! I was fascinated by their stories, and could have listened for hours...

To reassure you the sw for our 1st visit was lovely, didn't make any negative comments even when we told her stuff I felt sure they might freak at! She answered all our questions and was most helpful. I'm sure I'll have a different view if we aren't allowed to progress for whatever reason!, but for now I feel ok there.

Good advice from Candy though, it's probably worth attending another La or Va day to see if u feel a better "fit", it sounds a long and intense process to not feel 100% happy.

good luck whatever you decide, and feel free to pm if u have any Qs altho I'm a newbie at all this!

M
X


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## we*want*a*furball (Nov 7, 2009)

Thank you for replying ladies, it's very kind of you.

I actually think it was just this one particular sw who was a bit off and was she honestly was the only thing about the day we didn't come away thinking good things about. This other sw's seemed really lovely and the adoptive parents were very positive about their experiences with Surrey even when we spoke to them afterwards and they basically told us to ignore the ranty sw!

I definitely think that we are going to go with Surrey, we just have to fill in the questionnaire and send it off.

Minmouse - i will definitely pm you if i have any questions. Good luck with everything.

Once again, thanks ladies and i look forward to getting to know you on this forum.


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## minmouse (Nov 15, 2009)

Glad you've reached a decision, perhaps we will meet on a course or something?! 

Best of luck with your adoption journey  

M x


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## LillyR (Dec 17, 2010)

Hi Zoe!

I just popped on here for the first time, and your post was one of the first I saw!!!! I think it's a sign, to see a 'friendly' face. 

I know you've been through some real heartbreak, so I'm happy for you that you're moving on with the next stage of your journey (although I'm so sorry that your final treatment didn't work as planned). We're just starting to think about it too, and I must admit it's terrifying. So horrible when someone who's supposed to be supporting you and giving advice, is so negative. The fact that other presenters were disagreeing with her says a lot! I'd say, try not to worry about her comments and attitude - speak to loads more people and gather a fuller picture of what it's like, and don't be disheartened. 

I know we're local, and if you ever want to meet up and have a chat, then PM me. My friend and neighbour who has adopted (I've mentioned her to you before I think) would, I'm sure, be happy to chat to you about her situation .... which is going SO WELL, it's a really positive story for them! 

Anyway sweetie, I wish you all the best with the next step - may it be all worthwhile in the end. I'm positive that you'll get your longed-for family. xxxxxxx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

sorry only just seen this, I'm a surrey adopter  
i'm wondering which sw's were doing the intro day..there sure are some dragons, but they're not all bad..FYI we and many others i know have given our children middle names..maybe she mis-heard the word 'middle'   
our experience with surrey is documented in my story on the ' adoption stories' board..although we had a rough ride there are many positives about them..and without them we wouldn't have our 2 beautiful children so its swings and roundabouts  
if you want to chat drop me a pm.. always happy to chat to local gals..

kj x


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