# Preparing nieces / nephews and other children for adoption



## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Hi guys I am really upset (obviously not at my nephew he is a child just at the world in general) all advice / experience greatly received. 


One of my nephews had surgery today so I looked after his two big brothers while he was in this afternoon. We were watching Toy Story 2 and in part of it Mrs Potato head says to Mr Potato head lets adopt them (about these alien teddies.) 

Anyway obviously due to time scales we haven't said anything to nephews yet. One of them said is adoption X the older one 9 years old said no. Out of curiosity I said what is adoption?  My nine year old nephew said...
"It's when your parents don't want you so you're given to other people but they aren't your real Mum and Dad they'll never be your real Mum and Dad. They're just people that look after you." 
I asked him what a real Mum and Dad was he said - "They make you and grow you that's a real Mum and Dad."

It knocked me for six I had no idea that society gave young children such awful prejudice views. I knew we would have to do some preparation with them near the time to understand adoption but I had no idea that we would also have to help them overcome real negative and prejudice views. 

I have seen stuff that is targeted at siblings to explain adoption is there anything similar for cousins and friends children?? What tactics have people used to explain and prepare children within the wider family. Our nephews live a mile up the road we see them every weekend and they are a massive part of our world so it is really important for us to get them on board. 

SIL (DH's brother's wife) is very supportive and will get behind things to prepare her 3 boys I am sure. BIL (DH's brother) isn't really interested and mainly makes comments like - it's all a bit hard work isn't it? And generally calls every aspect of the process ridiculous so may be harder to get willing to do stuff. Me and DH will do anything that will help a smooth transition for new cousins though as will their Mum as I have said.


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Hi we started talking to our nephews about bubba at the start of the process was a bit tricky when we had 6 months of delays. Our nephews aare younger than yours but we did say we couldn't make babies so we were going to adopt bubba. We said we didn't know what bubba was going to be and that bubba would probably be a couple of years old. I honestly don't know if they understood it. The night we found out we rang them and told them bubba was a girl she wasn't yet a year old but would be when she came home just before xmas. There was a lot of booing they wanted a boy cousin not a stinky girl. We took her pic round and showed them and their mum took pic of it on her phone and they spoke about bubba most days how excited they were. Few days later I got text from my bro saying one of twins had said wow auntie is getting a baby bubba from father xmas. How cute.there is abbook called picnic in the park it might be a bit young but worth a try.
It will all be fine kids amaze me how quickly they adapt there may be some jealously but all 11  of bubba cousins have just accepted her and to be honest it is like she has always been here. Xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Glad to hear I think starting the discussion a bit earlier than I thought may help. I do think jealously will be a big issue for them and would have been however we became parents. We spoil them rotten, have bought all their first bikes at great expense general things like that which will stop. I know that sounds harsh we will still spend time with them etc but we aren't made of money and obviously what is spent on them now will be needed for LO / Lo's. Will look at that book the youngest is about to turn 6 so could read it to him and hope the others listen and absorb some of the messages. Thanks for the quick reply. 

I do think kids are very accepting but it's just worried me that the older two are perhaps aging beyond the really accepting age. x x


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

U r welcome I lost my book to our nephews lol I must get it back. We were exactly the same they mean the world to us and was actually my biggest fear.  Ours are aged from 4-24 the main 3  boys are 4 yr old twins and 7 they all loved the book. From what I can remember it is basically just introducing the fact everyone is different. There are a range of books which r nutmeg books which are all about adoption might just be worth looking at them as well. Our sw recommended as she knew how worried I was. Xx


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## MummyAuntieKatie (Oct 18, 2012)

We've talked about it in front of the kids for ages, one nephew keeps saying 'have you got any kids yet'?  He's impatient to find out who his new cousins will be.  I'm going to look for books for them all, and ask them to let me have a digital photo if themselves and a short introduction 'hi, I'm X and I'm your new cousin, my mummy and daddy are X and my brother is...' etc etc.  If no one has every had a positive conversation with them about adoption they have had to make up their own views from tv shows and the like.  I'm sure they will forget all about the adoption part of it eventually, it will be just a small part of how you made your family.


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## Emma-is-a-mummy (Jan 16, 2012)

Hi honey, 

We've talked about it from early on with our nieces they where 11 and 9 when we started out and they have been brill they did struggle with the time scales but they have got used to the waiting now. When the 11 year old who's now 13 went on a school trip to New York she bought a beautiful my 1st stieff teddy bear for her future cousin which I thought was so lovely. 
Our best friends 2 children who are basically our niece And nephew are so excited again they've known for early days too. 
I think the book sounds great but I'd also sit down with them and explain as much as you can so that they understand and they'll be behind you all the way, it's lovely when they ask how it's going. 

Hope this helps honey. 

Big hugs xxxxxx


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## Keg (Nov 10, 2012)

Hi. Not sure if this helps at all, but my Godparents who always made it clear my sister and I were their favourite children adopted when I was about 12 and my sister 9. My gm explained it all to us and we were interviewed at references with our parents.We were always excited and adoption is quite a normal part of life for us, hence why my husband I intend to adopt in a few years. The child concerned is now 22 and absolutely part of our family so please don't worry. Children say a lot of funny things, but once they have experience of it will find it nothing unusual and I am sure will love their cousins.


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