# Hubby doesn't agree with continuing, what can I do?!



## Moxie (Nov 19, 2010)

Hello everyone  

Without writing war and peace... As you can see from my signature we've been on our journey for 6 years so far and are amazingly blessed to have 2 year old twins from our third ivf cycle (hence why my post is in this section).  However, during the last 18 months we've been shocked and thrilled to conceive naturally () and miscarried three in a row.  Now suffering recurrent miscarriage, my gorgeous hubby can't bear anymore and I really don't think he wants to carry on trying for another one.  Clearly, we hear the phrase 'two's enough' from all and sundry and whilst I don't disagree (god knows, I do realise how lucky I am to have them!), I can't help feel the tug of wanting a second successful pregnancy and another little person to share our family with. I'm so sad at the loss of my last three and I'm really not sure I'm ready to call it quits   

Help!  Should I just accept that I can't carry anymore babies and call it a day?  Am I being totally selfish?  We also have the option of going back to the clinic and using one of our frosties which were conceived in 2010 so may be a better quality than my body is currently producing and they may be able to offer support that the nhs can't or won't.  I think the sticking point for hubby is not so much that he doesn't want another child, but rather he doesn't want to go through anymore losses and he just wants to get off this roller coaster and move on.  Grrrr, I know he's got a point, but my heart is telling me different.  Surely if I'm willing to go through it again, then he could too?!

I hope this is the right place to post this question - someone please move me if it's not   xx


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## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

Hi Moxie, 

its awful when DH isnt onboard. i know exactly where youre coming from. 
mine has refused any more tx 7-9 early losses, some natural, some tx, and 1 mmc recently.  (we have run out of money to be fair). however, he has helped me save up for an endometrial biopsy (today) in coventry with Professor Brosen. hes quite happy to see if we can find answers as to the losses, but not any more treatment. if i get answers and a treatment plan then somehow i shall save up for it, show him ive managed to and ask again. all he literally do is look after the kids and maybe produce a sample at the right time. he doesnt help with needles, or meds or anything so its no strain on him (or me!) he only jabbed me once - whoa by god it hurt!!!!! and bruised!!!! never again. at the end of day he will do as i ask, if he loves me. i know if i loved him, id stop. but im 42 nearly, so not much longer for his life to start. my reproductive life is nearly over.
i dont think i can help, but maybe he would allow you to do investigative stuff ie menstrual tests by serum athens. and endometrial biopsy with professor brosen. maybe then, you might at least have answers before trying to get round him for further tx. mine has said recently (rather insensitively) whats the point in spending money on tx when you only mc every time? 
harsh but true. so investigate if possible as to why. and then see what the future brings. 

i wish you luck. just wanted to let you know you are not alone 
xxxxxxxxxx


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## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

I agree with everything you say as well. 
i think investigations are the way to go first. just taking 1 step at a time and slowly dripfeeding the possibility of more treatment. only short wistful conversations, then normal day to day. hopefully dripfeeding is the way to go. either that or me placing a celibacy order on him till he weakens and gives in!!!!!! rolling on the floor sides splitting!!!!!!
love to you 
xxxx


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## mierran (Apr 24, 2009)

Sorry for your losses.

Is it worth speaking to your clinic and see if they would support empirical treatment of immune issues? Prednisolone, clexane , and intralipids? 

If they won't might me worth contacting serum in athens . You would have to pay for private prescriptions but they will treat natural cycles and are happy to help.

just because you were pregnant before doesn't mean you can't have any issues. 

I also have twins and am 16w with a singleton.  I am having all sorts of issues this time that are immune linked that I never had last time. I have developed an intolerance to milk and wheat . I just hope it settles post birth. I am also finding I am a lot more tired than last time - probably as I am also working and looking after nearly 4 year old twins, tho have had bloods taken for thyroid just in case.

Good luck

x x


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## mamochka (May 23, 2013)

Moxie, sorry for your losses! I know it is controversial BuT maybe you can do PGS on you frosties and choose viable + treat immunes imperically = to have all bases covered for success! M


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## L_ouise (Sep 23, 2010)

Hiya Moxie 

I'm really sad for your losses 

I was wondering what your plans were regarding another sibling before you started getting pregnant naturally?

I think that when someone suffers a loss of an unexpected pregnancy, that it can sometimes create a need and desire to have a baby that wasn't there before. 

Unfortunately no pregnancy and recurrent pregnancy losses equals the same thing so you are no more fertile than you were before you had IVF although it might seem that way.

So, what I'd suggest that you do is proceed how you would have done before your losses xx


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi Moxie,

I'm so sorry to hear of your losses  
A very close friend of mine has just experienced the same , I know that her Husband felt completely helpless seeing her in so much pain physically, let alone the pain they were both feeling mentally.

As others have mentioned, at this point have you been offered investigations and support for recurrent mc? 
Only the two of you will know when it's time to call it a day as you say, but at least you may feel a little more in control of your destiny and able to make an informed decision after investigations 

I've included some links to parts of the site that may be of help:

Pregnancy Loss, Stillbirth or Neonatal Loss - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=12.0
(There are quite a few threads here with regards to investigations)

Secondary Infertility - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=44.0

The Mens Room - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=89.0
(I included this link as there are a few relevant threads that may be of help to both of you)

Love Angie x


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## Boggler (Jun 28, 2011)

Hiya

Sorry  for your losses. I can relate to your situation but from the opposite view point. I too have two kids and feel truly blessed. Life is good and we work well as a family unit.

However we have always agreed we would have 3 kids - except of course it was never supposed to be this hard. They were supposed to be stepping stones and in our original plans we would now be two years finished and currently coming up to a time when there would be no more nappies and sleeplessness nights!!

We are luckier than most as our first child was conceived naturally - it took our second guy four years to put in an appearance after loopy days on clomid, ivf and finally a successful FET. Emotionally this was a very difficult time for me and retrospectively I can see that I was probably depressed, I put on lots of weight , lost my passion for exercise and was completely obsessed with being pregnant . The saddest part was that I missed out on quality time with DS as I was so driven in my obsessive sibling getting. My career suffered and of course my relationship evolved and changed from its original form. 

We had 5 frozen embryos left after the original IVF - they have now been transferred (2 clinical BFP's). We have had a fresh cycle and now have two frozen guys left.

The thing I am completely worn out , I am currently in the middle of my fourth cycle this year. I took the summer off because I had put on so much weight and needed to get a sense of self back., I felt like I was stuck in limbo and couldn't move forward - I wanted to enjoy life with my kids without  false hormone driven emotions. I would like another baby but am perfectly ok with not having one as well. My husband though he so wants 3 kids - he is from a large family thinks that two is too little. 

So where do we go from here? .  Despite my reluctance we will bring this to the an end - we have agreed now on a definitive line in the sand - one more fresh after this FET. So come what may  I can see an end to the transfer cycle. The fact that I know I am not stuck in this groundhog day of fertility treatment gives me fresh optimism in moving forward.

Maybe if you guys had a similar chat you can move forward and the roller-coaster wont be that bad for your hubby if he knows there is a way off!!  I know its worked for me.

Hope I helped a bit .

Boggler


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi Boggler,

I just wanted to say I can identify with a lot of points in your post 
It definitely brings a great sense of relief when you draw the line in the sand like you say.
No matter where that line is, or what's on the other side, it feels good to get some 'control' back .

Lots of luck for this month  

Angie x


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## Boggler (Jun 28, 2011)

Thanks Angie 

May have vented a bit much in my post !!
This  ivf lark sucks. !!


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Boggler said:


> Thanks Angie
> 
> May have vented a bit much in my post !!
> This ivf lark sucks. !!


Not at all 
Vent away Boggler, if you can't do it on here, then where can you do it!?

Angie x


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