# New baby jealousy.....................................again!!!!!



## Guest (Apr 24, 2009)

Had 3 friends have their babies yesterday. I'm very happy for them but still have that underlying sick feeling of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. Just had a bath and blew by stomach up to look pregnant - what is that all about  . I need to remember how lucky we are with the most beautiful little man ever! I feel like we are waiting forever right now for another chance and it only crossed my mind the other day that it might not even work..................


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## pem (Jan 10, 2007)

Hey moo, have a  . I'm broody again already, hope the IVF goes well, we start DR in 9 days also!

It's ok to feel jealous, its a normal human emotion, keep that chin up and think     

Em x


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## sallylouise (Jan 30, 2009)

I agree with Pem that it is normal to feel a bit envious.   Two people at work have announced they are pregnant and although I'm really pleased for them, I feel jealous too. 

Good luck with everything. xx


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## MandMtb (Mar 6, 2009)

Moo   it is only natural to be jelous. I am sure if everyone was as brave as you to admit it, we all are at times when we hear of a pregnancy or birth of a relative, friend etc. 

And I admit, I have blown my belly out on occassions   (although I dont have to blow it out so much at the moment lol) wishing I were pregnant.

Hang in there hun, lots of love S x


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

ha ha i also blow my tummy out all the time to see what i'd look like preggers... DP thinks im a bit nuts lol  

I get terribly jelous of pregnant friends.. im fine when there here with me and am really nice to them but once there gone theres tear and tantrums... my poor DP she hates it when i get all broody and tearful.. but i have to just remember hopefully it will be my turn soon


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## Battenberry (Mar 18, 2009)

Hi there.. I also feel really jealous, especially when (straight) people comment on what a surprise it was as they hadn't been trying! It's not their fault at all but I can't help but feel jealous! I'm sure everyone feels jealous at some time or other, so try not to worry moo   x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

yesterday every woman I seemed to see was pregnant in Waitrose, sometimes I notice them a lot more than other times, or maybe it just summer people wearing less clothes and it is more obvious!!  I know when I had my mc everyone seem to be pregnant as well.  It is hard but hopefully we'll soon be joining them!


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## Avalonian (Apr 25, 2009)

Hello there.
I'm new to the forum but certainly not new to the baby jealousy. We've been trying for just over a year and I have my first IUI cycle this month. Before I had seven natural inseminations (whatever that is called in short). It's so frustrating though when straight people tell you to just relax and let things happen. How on earth are you supposed to relax at any point in this journey I found it quite hard when we had just decided to start the process to get pregnant when my sister accidentaly got pregnant. I'm very happy to have a lovely nephew now, but it just doesn't seem fair!!! It's heartening though to see that I'm not the only one and that so many experience similar feelings - makes me feel less of a monster.
Good luck to all!
Avalonian


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## willow79 (Apr 14, 2009)

hi there 

i can understand wot u are goin tho my sister had her 3rd little boy 3wks ago which means this is my 5th nephew!

i was holding my little nephew on saturday n looked over at my mum n said i want a baby she said it will happen 1 day n to wait n see!!

I DONT WANNA WAIT!!      

willow79  x


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

baby number 5!!! jeez tell her to buy a tele lol!!  

I'll be all our turns soon lots of baby dust


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## Guest (May 24, 2009)

Hey ladies, just needed to open this thread again as my sister came over yesterday to tell us she is 14 weeks pregnant!!!!!! I am so happy for her but feel like I have been kicked in the stomach. She has kept it quiet from all the family for so long as the day she found out was the day I rang her and told her we were starting IVF so she has just been really thoughtful in keeping it from us for so long, as before, she told all the family straight away. My sister just kept saying sorry yesterday and there were a lot of tears between her , me and DP. I kept waking in the night last night with my stomach churning over and kept crying. There are so many feelings rushing round my head:

It is so unfair as my sis and her DH nearly split up last year and I am glad they are now on track but she got pregnant after having sex ONCE after over a year of nothing at all!

I have also had to support my little sister through an abortion last month as she got pregnant after having unprotected sex once AND taking the morning after pill!

My Mum hs been on holiday and she is back today and going to look after DS tomorrow when we are having EC. My sister is also going to see her and will be telling her about her pregnancy whilst we are at the hospital - she has no other choice as they have told my niece now and she is only 3 and telling everyone. I just feel like it was all about US trying to make another beautiful baby and now that is just not important anymore.

DP is already worried that my Mum will not feel the same way about the child she carries, as this has already been a something we have had to work on with her Mum and our DS, who I carried. My Mum can be quite tactless sometimes and if DP does get pregnant on this cycle I just want my Mum to be as excited for us as I know she will be for my sisters baby.

I am also really jealous that my sister's pregnancy will blow the family away as she has kept it secret for so long and noone will expect it as she has made no secret about her lack of sex over the last year! Also she is very overweight and her DH smokes and also drinks 3 cans of lager everyday and DP has worked so hard at loosing 2 stone and doing exercise, and not drinking.

Don't get me wrong, I love my sister and I know she is in bits about this and I feel bad that to a certain extend my family will play down their excitement a bit to protect mine and DP's feelings, but I just wanted it to be OUR time - is that so bad?


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

Hi Moo

Firsty BIG  

No you are not bad i would feel exactly the same if i was in your shoes... everytime one of mine and DP's friends tell us there pg (and there has been about 7 since xmas now!) i end up in fits of tears DP keeps reminding me that it will be our turn soon but it doesnt help how i feel at the time!

I really worry that DP's mum may feel different to a child that is bio mine if DP's brothers end up having kids but she says she wont although in the past she has said of course i'd like some bio gran children so i am at a loss with that as like you and DP i really worry about it! 

Also my sister seems to fall pregnant at the drop of a hat and she is honestly the worst mother in the world! i love my sister to bits but i dont always like her she has 2 kids both un planned and her DD doesnt even live with her as they hate each other... DS is a nasty little boy but this is dear to my sister... she has bloke after bloke live with her and my nephew has not seen his father since her was 2 he's now 10 and has had more step fathers than i can actually remember! She leaves him on his own and goes out all the time and a few times i have been near to calling social services! She's had 3 or 4 abortions also and also had a few MC's which she way happy about!! And the best bit is she doesnt agree with me and DP having kids as we are gay.... HELLO WHERE IS THE JUSTICE THERE PEOPLE!!

EM x


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## cazinge (Apr 11, 2008)

I know how u feel!! Was at a friend's last night (on my own cuz DW was working  ) and she is 35 weeks pg her & her DH split up last year, she fell pg then they got back 2gether & am still not sure things are too good after seeing them last night   it seems so unfair as with my job situation we don't even know when we'll be able to start ttc let alone actually get to the pg/having a baby bit.

Also where we live is v small & there are a couple of other local girls who are due in the next few months, most of whom are single & don't work! I don't judge anyone 4 how they live their lives but it doesn't seem right that people bring children into the world with no means of supporting them when my DW won't even let us start trying until we are both in stable jobs. 

I feel so down about it all atm that I cry most days, not just abt the ttc stuff but abt the fact that I can't find a permenant job so will be unemployed come November & that we've scrimped & saved 4 3years in order for me 2 get my degree and I'm not really sure why we bothered now  

I just want a permenant job that will enable us 2move house & start ttc


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## MandMtb (Mar 6, 2009)

Moo, to answer your question, NO I don't think its bad of you for wanting it to be your time  

I don't know how you have actually managed to remain as strong as you have hun. Feel free to come here and vent to us, whenever you need to. 

My brother was engaged to get married this June. He broke the relationship off in January and has since started a new relationship (of 4 months) and they have annouced they are going to start TTC next year, which my parents are thrilled about, as they are forever saying they want to be grandparents. But I cried and cried when I found out, as like you I want it to be 'our time'. There are other factors affecting my upset, but I shared this to let you know your not alone with your feelings, so please dont feel bad. I think it is natural. And it's good that we can share them with each other here in a safe place.

Take care hun and good luck for tomorrow

S x


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## Guest (May 25, 2009)

Thanks for replies ladies  
Am feeling a lot better today and my sister has been so sensitive to everything. Egg collecion went great today and we have 13 eggs  
Will get a call tomorrow to let us know how many have fertilised. My Mum looked after DS while we were at the clinic and my sister and niece were over when we got back to my Mums. We all went to lunch and made a toast to my sister's pregnancy and good luck for our little eggs so it all feels a bit more positive. Good luck to you all at your various stages of making a family xx


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## pinkmums (Jun 15, 2009)

Hi,

My DP and I have discussed children for the last few months, but had been fairly relaxed about it. Then we found out that DPs cousin (Gemma) was pregnant which started the discussion further...now she actualy LOOKS pregnant and ive finally seen my DPs broody side come out. We took Gemma for one of those 4D scans on Saturday for an early birthday present, it was really weird sat holding hands with my fiance seeing an iccle baby moving on the screen.....and it not being ours! Of course i'm pleased that Gemma is having a baby, but it does make things harder, even more so because she has to go back for another scan this saturday coz the first one wasnt clear enough for a DVD.
So now we have to go through another round of weird looks from the sonographer....who we can tell secretly thinks that as we are raving lesbians we have obviousely got Gemma knocked up on purpose so we can steal her baby  
Jenni x


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## BecsW (Jun 14, 2009)

Really pleaseD this thread is on here as I just wanted to say..... in the last 5 days 3 friends have had babies and 2 have announced they are pregnant. Am battling with two emotions - one minute really pleased for all of them and the next minute really sad for me and my DW. Will it ever happen for us?

OK, feel better now I have shared that 

Becs x

ps-Jenni - we had a smilar experience when DW and I accompanied our single friend (who had bravely taken the IVF plunge by herself as she was 41) to her antenatal class. Everyone was very nice but it was quite obvious they thought we were some lesbian threesome !! We thought this was so funny we didn't bother to correct them


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## Guest (Jul 30, 2009)

Hope you don't mind me opening this thread up again. One of my old school friends has just told me she is 12 weeks pregnant with number 2. Her first will be one on saturday. Because of my age, I now have alot of people in my life who are having families but this particular friend announcing her second pregnancy has made me feel a bit obsessive! I knew she would try again very quickly so it has not come as a surprise but for some reason the dynamics of our friendship make me feel that we had to have our second child before her. I know I probably sound like a complete fruit loop but why am I so bothered by her pregnancy. We do not see each other regularly, maybe every few months, but I liked the fact that I was 'ahead' of her with the whole baby making. I think I've lost the plot. Has anyone else felt more jealous/upset about a particular person's pregnancy?


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## MandMtb (Mar 6, 2009)

Moo, firstly let me give you a   and tell you I dont think you have lost the plot! I am obsessed about my brother's gf getting pregnant and she isnt yet LOL! But they have said they are starting TTC in September, so I am stressing out that if we dont get a BFP before then, they will beat us to it and for some reason I NEED to be first. My DW can't understand and say's it isnt a race, but it is important to me, and I know I would be really upset if it happens, so let's hope she keeps her legs crossed for now ha! If some certain friends also told me they were pregnant I would stuggle with this, so I do understand you, it's hard though isnt it? As then you start feeling guilty for even feeling it LOL

S x


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## southern_angel (Jun 16, 2008)

Aw, I thought about posting something like this yesterday (before this thread was showing up - I guess it's a reactivated older one?)... I'd just met up with my oldest school friend who revealed that she is 16 weeks pregnant. She's straight and I guess it just feels so unfair that she can get pregnant without all the hassle that I'll face. To make things worse she seemed fairly unsure about the whole thing, whereas I'm just desperate to start ttc (and hampered by the desire to find a known donor). 

So yes, lots of new baby/pregnancy jealousy here too!  

Angelmine


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## BaT (Oct 16, 2008)

I also have been struggling recently with seeing other people pregnant or with young babies.  Every so often it makes me cry .  

Last week I was speaking to my best friend back home and she announced that she is 4 months pregnant.  I am really pleased for her and her DH- they will make fantastic parents but also jealous as I really want a baby.  My friend did try to persade me that it would be easier if I went and slept with a guy!  It makes me want this cycle to work even more as we will then have babies of very similar ages.

B x


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

I get this also  

Im having it hard at the moment as 2 girls who are in the team i manage are pregnant one is 13wks the other is 17 wks and they sit either side of me so its all i hear about!!! i must know there planned baby names, nursery colours, morning sickness details and everything baby related some days its ok but this week after my 1st BFN has been really hard with lots of trips to the loo for a good cry!


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## Guest (Jul 30, 2009)

It's nice, but also bad, if you know what I mean, that I'm not the only one feeling like this. I have just realised that I started this thread and have reopened it twice! Just goes to show how my ability to cope with stuff comes and goes in waves. DP and I are now thinking about doing a natural FET on her next cycle rather than starting all the down regging again and then oestrogen on of that cycle. We have been advised to do a medicated cycle to take control of her ovulation time but we have also been told that there is no difference in success rates, it just makes it easier to control and time the FET. I think I'm getting very impatient!!!!!


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

oh and just to top things off one of DP's friends who was due in a few days has just dropped... he BF text us just now to tell us.... i just cried and now i feel guilty for crying  

Moo.. if the success rates are the same then go for natural if she fancys a drug break...


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## rosypie (Feb 1, 2007)

it's completely normal

it also never stops

we've decided to stop ttc altogether and be content with what we have but people announcing 3rd babies makes me feel dreadful. i'm sure the dreadfulness will lessen with time but i'm not sure i'll ever see a family of 3 not think about the baby i thought we were going to have but never did 

<--- and this from someone who has 2 already


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## MandMtb (Mar 6, 2009)

I'm back to update, that after having a BFN result on Sunday, we went for a family lunch only for my brother to tell us, him and his gf (of 6 months) are already starting TTC, rather than waiting till September. I dont know how I managed not to stab him with my fork, and its all they talked about all day... If/when they announce a pregnancy... I am to just live on this thread LOL! x


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

oh S you poor thing it sucks doesnt it i just keep telling myself it will be my turn one day and perfection takes a while to make


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## welshginge (Jul 12, 2009)

Oh S, that drives me  . When my bro got married a few years back it was like they were the only one's to ever tie the knot & I was like HELLO!!!!!!!! 6 years compared to their crappy 6 months!!!!!!!!! Hang on in there.


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## rosypie (Feb 1, 2007)

it is so so annoying. my mum was the same with my sister's wedding. and when we did ours, she didn't even call ours a civil partnership, she kept calling it a 'party' or 'commitment ceremony'. i know we did it quite soon after they changed the law and that not everybody knew the ins and outs and implications of civil partnership but really? could she not even bring herself to refer to it using the same terms as us?

anyway, i think it's frankly odd when straight couples announce they are 'trying'. it's a different kettle of fish if you're having to schlep to and from clinics etc and jump through various hoops and i can understand sharing in that situation (although we didn't even then) but a straight couple? in the privacy of their own home? it's just weird to say anything i think... why would you set yourself up like that?


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## welshginge (Jul 12, 2009)

Totally agree Rosypie. We have kept the fact that we are 'trying' to ourselves too. It's no-one's business and it's emotional enough without adding parents to the equation!!!!!!!! My brothers marriage broke down a year later BTW and it took all my strength not to rub my Mum's face in it (that reads way harsher than I mean it!) Anyway, he's still with the girl he had an affair with & they said last year they would start 'trying' this year (talk about giving everyone advanced notice). So I am dreading the news, my Mum will be unbearable.


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## MandMtb (Mar 6, 2009)

Yeah I think it's strange that my brother is announcing they are 'trying', as basically they are saying we are having . I think they are both very naive, one example is they have booked a holiday to USA later this year, so I said well if you get pregnant, you will have to cancel this, brothers gf said that it was okay to fly in first 6 months and there are sick bags on airplanes if she is having morning sickness   - DW kicked me under the table to stop me saying anything LOL.  They dont know we are TTC as like you rosypie and welshginge we feel it's no ones business until then, so it does annoy me that my brother is making such a big deal of them TTC. If only they knew the stress and upset (and cost!) we have been through, they may shut up a bit. Urghhh I had being so mean and angry, I do love my brother dearly but this is the one place I can vent my fustrations!!!


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## Guest (Aug 4, 2009)

Vent away!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not that I am wishing any problems on your brother or his gf but just like the rest of us, they may have problems TTC too. I know things aren't going great for you guys but it would be so wonderful for you if you could announce your pregnancy first


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## MandMtb (Mar 6, 2009)

Moo, thank you so much for your message, it really put a smile on my face (which has not happened a lot the last few days)


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## PootleFlump (Jan 9, 2009)

Gosh ... it is so refreshing to read this thread.  Am in the lucky position have having two children - but with a big gap because of ttc problems.  Wish it had been around when I was trying for no.2.  I vividly remember the upset and frustration of friends and family announcing pregnancies, and some of the insensitivity around it!!  It's just horrid.  And why do people share that they are 'trying' .... Just too much information!! 

Nicky

By the way ... hello to newbies - haven't posted for a long while but have been lurking.


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2009)

Just been torturing myself with afore mentioned friend's 12 week scan pics that she has just put on ********. Why do people do that sh#i! I told her I was a bit jealous and she said our time would come and they wanted their LOs to be close together. So did we  
I think I will wait a while before we meet up again!


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

oh moo... i feel your pain hun it seems everyone on my ******** is either having a baby or just had a baby.. one of my friends is in hospital being induced and she's posting up to the minute updates on her status


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2009)

That's the thing about ** - noone has any secrets anymore. If/when we get PG I want to tell my friends to their faces and just not really go on about it really otherwise everyone knows your due date and is waiting for you to go on line and tell them how many minutes between bloody contractions for god sake  
How you doing anyway? By the way I always wonder if you are on the left or right of your picture   Just like to put a face to a message


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

im on the right dp is on the left... we are ok im due to ovulate tomorrow so wish we were trying now but hey ho! Our appointment is september 17th so im just counting down now


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## Guest (Aug 12, 2009)

I was right


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

lol how did u guess


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

ok so no ovulation which is odd and i dont even feel like its gonna happen yet... no EWCM yet or pains... all very odd... i've been watching my cycle for about 9 months and its normally regular as clockwork.. last 30  days, AF last about 3 days with 2 days spotting also.. positive OPK on day 15 and ovulate on day 16


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## Guest (Aug 13, 2009)

It is quite normal to have the odd cycle when you don't ovulate at all so I wouldn't worry


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

oh ok then i was freaking for a minute


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## Misspie (Feb 1, 2009)

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

   

I'm freaking out!!!! I've spent the whole weekend with children.!!!! And I love and adore kids, but when you are becoming like a kid yourself going contsnatly going to my DW "I want a "baby" (isntead of sweets)" it's starts getting to you a bit!!!

Saturday, we drove to Essex to spend with our god children as it was the oldest's birthday party, he's just turned 3 and so they had a tea party with loads of other 3yr old running aorund, plus lots of new borns and other pregnant ladies. Then Sunday we went to Southampton for a christening who's baby was 5mths old, which was lovely but again, lots of other children, loads still babies/6mth ish and other pregnant woman and also older children.

And even though you feel so happy for people, I just WANT 1!! I'm not greedy I don't want a clan, or an army, just a little ickle ..........1!!!!!! It's so hard emotionally, it's not like me and my DW can just go home and start to try to "make" a baby..    

i feel so sorry for Kate she really is feeling the same though, I think we are both so ready to start our family it can't come quick enough! We both really wished that we could have somehow gone out of our way to have the appointment today, as they did have one. But it would have put so much pressure on both of us with work. It's alot easier next Mondy, but sometimes you just want to kick yourself that you haven't gone! 

I'm sure everything will be fine, I'm just feeling a bit hormonal

xxxxxx


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## Guest (Aug 17, 2009)

Hope you feel better for that good rant    
Hope your appointmeent goes well next week and you feel things are getting that bit closer for you xx


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## Misspie (Feb 1, 2009)

Thanks Moo....   

I certainly needed to have a rant!!!! How are things with you?!

L
xx


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## Guest (Aug 18, 2009)

Thanks for asking - I see you have posted on my other thread so I won't bore you with the details again  
Keep smiling  
BTW - DP spoke to one of the nurses at the JR recently and she said there are a lot of changes happenning at the minute with regards to treatment advice and they are also in the process of moving to their new purpose built clinic. Just thought I'd let you know so you can think of questions you want to ask and be prepared for a potentially hectic view of the clinic! Who are you seeing?


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## Misspie (Feb 1, 2009)

Thanks Moo, yes I know there seems to be a hectic feel to the place at the mo. I phoned today, to check all my bloods have come back in, prior to our appointment Monday and they said they would phone back, but they haven't done yet!!!

We are hoping that when they acutually move to the business park, we will be having our first treatment there, enabling us not to have that additional 20-40min journey through Headington! 
We live just outside Wallingford so being in the business park makes things so much easier forus logistically!

We haven't seen either Enda Mcveigh or Tim Child yet !!! Our very first appointment was referred to the NHS aspects of the clinic, so they took that as our initial appointment! And we have sort of seen many others for different things, but not in the right order!! LOL

So far we have seen and done:-
Dr Ingrid Granne - 1 of our Consultation and awareness
Janet - For the Baseline scan and ET trial
Kathy - Egg Donation discussion and collection of last few bloods
Roz - Foud our counselling session

Not sure who our next appointment on Monday will be with but signing our life away then  really hoping my bloods are back   as they weren't in my file today

Where abouts are you in Oxfordshire, we could always do with friends locally that are going through the same as us. Would be good to meet up (not like I'm begging for friends heheheheh   ) 

Lorna
x


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## Guest (Aug 18, 2009)

OMG - I lived all my life in Cholsey and my Mum still lives in wallingford and my dad is in Streatley! I left home and lived in Colchester and Aylesbury for some years and now we are on the outskirts of Swindon as can't afford our house in an OX postcode  

Enda did DP's last ET and he is a typical consultant (being a nurse, I know what they're like). He thought DP had carried DS but the nurse and embryologist were on the ball  
TBH I find the whole unit very nurse led which is great as they give a much more personal service in my opinion and think about your feelings rather than the whole science of it all. Fiona 'made' DS and she is soooooo lovely. She always wears fancy necklaces if you look out for her.


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## MandMtb (Mar 6, 2009)

Well the one particular friend and my brothers gf are both pregnant. The two people I didnt want it to happen to before us, and we found out during our last unsuccessful 2ww which made it even worse (and when I commented how lucky it was for them to get pregnant straight away, my brother said 'well it isnt hard is it! I felt like punching him!).  .

I am having lots of feelings, not even jelousy (well some of that), but mainly anger. I feel so guilty for having such negative feelings but I cant help it. 

I am having a huge self pity party, thinking 'its not fair', 'why not us' - it is driving me crazy and the thought of having to live through their pregnancies (as my mum is over the moon, and doesnt seem to think my brother is irresponsible as I do).

S x x x


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## welshginge (Jul 12, 2009)

S, I feel for you I really do! But big well done for not punching him (don't think I could have held back). 

I totally understand the anger & don't worry about it, it doesn't mean you love him any less. 

Maybe you could make an appt with the councillor at your clinic for a chat if you feel up to it. Just a thought. Take care.


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## Guest (Sep 4, 2009)

S

Sorry you are having a bad time at the moment. I think you have every right to have some 'it's not fair!' time. I think these feelings come in waves as I was really bad a few weeks ago but recently I have been able to visit our neighbour and their newborn and I felt fine. My sister now looks pregnant and I thought I would feel really jealous of her at that stage but I actually don't really except for the times when she mentions she can feel the baby move because I remember how lovely that felt. Obviously you can't avoid your family but maybe you could just tell your Mum about some of your feelings and she might be a bit more sensitive because, at the end of the day, they are completely normal feelings you are having xx
As sad as it may sound, i have also removed one of my friends from ** as her 2nd pregnancy is driving me nuts


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