# new and a bit sad



## nedney (Sep 27, 2004)

hello
just found this website.  have been trying to get pregnant since Jan 03 - having first consultation end of nov with fertility clinic.  this is so hard!  and I feel so sad so often - friday particularly difficult...6th person at work announced pregnancy ! came home on friday and cried for hours - its horrible as I couldn't even be happy for her
Had anyone got any tips on how to deal with all this stuff?
thanks


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## gihickman (Jun 13, 2002)

Hi SamHam,

I was ttc for nearly 3 years and I can honestly say there is no easy way of dealing with it.  Some days are easier than others.  Some days you just end up sobbing your heart out all day.  I've lost count of the times I ended up sobbing in the toilets at work. I remember crying my heart out one weekend when 4 people phoned me to say that they were expecting. 

I think the thing that helped me was having a good group of friends who were there to help me through the good times and bad.  They laughed with me and cried with me.

Unfortunately you will find that some of your friends who you have known for years who managed to conceive will find it difficult to talk to you and will not know what to say you.  IF can be very isolating.  I found it was my single friends who didn't have children were a great support.

My tactics on dealing with Mothers Day/Fathers Day/Christmas was lavishing lots of love and attention to our parents, my dh and my nephew.  My little nephew always gets spoilt rotten by his auntie Gina.  Appreciate those who are around you now rather than dwelling on what might be.  This might or might not help.  We all find our different tactics of trying to deal with this.

You will get nothing but love and support on this site so get posting away.  When you get your consultation your clinic may have a counsellor for you to talk to as ours did.  Take up this offer of help - there are times when I wish I had.

I wish you a lot of love and luck and hope that your ride on this horrible infertility rollercoaster is mercifully short.

Love Gina.


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Sam

WELCOME TO FERTILITY FRIENDS 

Best of luck with ur appointment in november    

I am sorry about that ur feeling sooo down about things at present, i think its only a natural feeling and must be so hard to deal with, no matter whether they are close friends or just associates thru work.

I do so know what u mean one of my best friends today told me that she was pg after not trying at all 

Why not pop across and join us on the inbetweenies post

We all hang out there whilst awaiting treatment and longer as well!!

Join us on the chitter chatters thread

take care 
Emilyxx


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## AussieMeg (Sep 5, 2004)

Hi SamHam

I know how you feel as I have been ttc for 2 years and seen all my best friends get married after me and have babies before me. I can honestly say the best way I get through all of this is hope but some days she is a little hard to find. Probably shouldn't say this but I will   that sometimes when you actually start treatment it gets worse. I loved my first IVF cycle but I had a bad outcome and now am worse than I have ever been...but still look forward to starting treatment again. I do honestly believe that through all the tears, shouting, smiling, laughing and hoping this has made my marriage stronger and maybe that is why I was burdened with this awful "unexplained infertility".

So on a bright note you have found friends and the most important thing to getting through this the cyber cuddle  . 


I completely agree with Gina. I did go to counselling after my m/c and post the sessions it was really helpful so have a look and you can generally go before you start treatment.

Also have a look at the support groups /meetings links as whilst it may not appeal now but I absoultely love the girls in my area....not that we have met yet  

So I hope this helps but if another person says just relax and it will happen for you I will be emailing from Gaol.  

Good luck and great to meet you
Megan


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hey Sam

Welcome to FF!  It is a fab site and you will get lots of support and advice here.

Sorry to hear you are feeling down.  The if rollercoaster ride is not an easy one.

Good luck with your future journey.

Laine x


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## Bels (Aug 21, 2004)

Hey sam,

Welcome to FF!!!

I am so sorry you are feeling down, but you are doing a positive thing by taking your first steps.

this site is a godsend ... you'll find loads of friends here who will understand how you feel and will be able to help in some way.

Good luck for November.

Belinda xx


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## brigie (Sep 28, 2004)

I am new here too, just found this website today.  Sooo sorry you are feeling so down.  

I totally sympathise, friends of ours just got pregnant for the second time, just thought they'd 'see what happened' while on holiday.  I was so upset, I hate being so bitter.  I've since phoned my friend and congratulated her, I would hate her to think I was so selfish that I couldn't see past my own problems.  

We have been trying for 6 years so far.  Have had six cycles of IUI and have now started my first cycle of IVF (we are paying for this one while we wait for the NHS waiting list).  Have literally just started sniffing the drugs to downreg today so far so good.  I am only 32 so have been told we've still got a very good chance of success.  I'm trying to stay positive but it is very hard when you get so used to failure.  

I have had hypnotherapy to help me learn to relax because the stress of the build up to the IVF was all getting too much and I would definitely recommend it, or find some other way to take time out and do something for yourself to help you relax and try and keep things in perspective.  Sometimes you forget aswell that your dh or partner is going through the exact same emotions as you are so TALK to each other and stay in love, you will need each other even more, the further along the treatment road you travel. Good luck for your appointment at infertility clinic.  Brigitte xx


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## clairelh1 (Sep 8, 2004)

Hi Sam

I'm quite a newbie here too and I can honestly say that this site has been a real support to me, even though I've lurked most of the time, seeing the amount of good will out there is really heartwarming; and, in the nicest possible way, it's comforting to know that you're not alone in how your feeling and with whatever problem you've got.  I've been ttc for nearly 16 mths and it's hard, especially as sooo many people around me have had babies in this time.  Some days are good and some days are very bad, and I think it's important to remember that it's OK to feel like this.  

We had our first appt with the fertility clinic yesterday.  The few weeks run up to it were awful, the waiting and the unknown was driving us mad, but we both felt really positive when we came out.  We really do now feel like we've taken that step forward.  I hope you feel the same after your appt.  

Let us know how it all goes, and good luck with ttc.

Love

Claire


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## trix (Sep 27, 2004)

hi have also just found this site after a friend recommended it im not to sure how it works but have already found the messages helpful i have been trying for a year now and am starting to think about charts etc but have not got a clue how to go about it have just been to see the doctor who was unhelpful and told me to go away and come back in a few months which is no good as i am 31 on my next birthday and want to get as much help as possible.  Could anyone tell me what is the first steps to take??


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Trix

Welcome to FF!  Pleased you have joined us.

The first step is to see your GP who will arrange for you to have some initial tests (bloods).  Did your GP give you a reason why you should go back in a few months?

While you are waiting, you could join the Chitter Chatters thread on the In Betweenies board.

If you need any help getting around the boards, just shout.

Laine x


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## nedney (Sep 27, 2004)

Hi Trix
We went to our GP in jan and she told us to keep trying & come back in 6months if not pregnant.  Even thou husband delighted i knew in my heart we would be back there in 6 months.  If i could turn the clock back to january, i would have INSISTED the GP do some preliminary blood tests on me and a sperm test for husband.  Because when this was eventually done on me 6 months later they found I had really, really high prolactin - referred to endocrinologist (3 months wait) - decided to go private and thank god we did because it was a false result!! but if we had waited it would have made our eventual wait for a fertility appointment even longer!!  Don't worry about your age and very best of luck for your journey!!

x samham


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## brigie (Sep 28, 2004)

Hi Trix, I am still new here too but reading all these messages and getting information is so helpful.  I had the same problem with my GP when I initially went to him.  I have been ttc for 6 years now, had to insist on being referred for investigations and after six cycles of IUI (unsuccessful) we are now having our first cycle of IVF, just started sniffing drugs.  I think if you have a feeling there is something wrong like i did then you just have to go back to the GP and insist on being referred to a gynaecologist or the assisted conception unit at your local hospital.  You'll have to wait a while for an appointment anyway so in the meantime, it will give you some hope instead of just waiting and worrying which just makes things worse. Some GPs are just not interested in infertility and don't seem to be very proactive with treatment and so on. If you haven't done the chart thing yet, there's a really good kit I got from Boots which consisted of an Infertility advice video, it tells you how to try at the right times and also a chart and thermometer to tell when you are ovulating.  I had no idea how to do this when we first started ttc, I assumed as soon as I had unprotected sex it would happen immediately.  I know...duh!  Good Luck, I hope it's just a blip and it happens soon for you and you might not need any treatment.  Love Brig xxx


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## trix (Sep 27, 2004)

hI laine

just found the inbetween board very useful but have noticed my email address on the profile how do i get this hidden want to remain anonymous?  also the doctor told me just to wait and try for a while longer how long should i wait? getting impatient.


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