# no.2 - decisions and negotiations



## Ally Wally (Mar 1, 2011)

Having only had our little man for a few weeks, we are now being approached to also take on his 5 month old sister in the next couple of months. While my dh and I are still undergoing the decision process on this, (read..panic!) I have a few questions. I really don't want this to come across the wrong way but I am only asking as I have learnt the hard way through current employment that some factors/conditions can be negotiated. And if you don't ask, you just don't get.

SS have agreed to pay for a new buggy and extra cot and have mentioned they would pay for a cleaner for 6 months to help with the housework. But I am more interested in the long term financial support? Should I be asking for a ongoing allowance to help for the additional time I will be out of work and at home with the little ones? Is there anything else I am blindly missing in that if we don't ask, we just won't get. I am on my own all day as dh works long hours. Would they contribute towards toddler groups etc? 

One last question, I paid an expensive dentist bill yesterday but a friend said I should be entitled to free treatment as technically I am maternity/adoption leave. When I called the dentist, they said I needed my NHS card. How does this work with adoption. All I have is a matching certificate?

thanks


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi Ally,

Re NHS treatment this is only for maternity as it due to health implications pregnancy can have on your gums/teeth. 

I think what SS are offering upfront seems very generous. I don't think its unreasonable to ask re an adoption allowance that may go towards you bring off work for a few years (presuming this is why you would be asking).

I'm not sure they would support fees for toddler group etc as this is what the AA would go towards but you could use this to justify the highest AA allowance they can grant.

MummyElf, DreamsDoComeTrue and Frangiipani are all recent adopters if siblings and may gone along soon. Obviously if there are likely to be ongoing needs or the baby would be consider hard to place etc then more to push SSs on. I must admit I've never heard if SSs being so open upfront about what they can offer/support in placing babies so you've obviously got a good team/SW looking out for your interests.

X


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## scoobydooby (Nov 5, 2013)

We are currently going through the same process and are going to receive a set amount each week to cover partners loss of earnings until returning to work.
Without this we could not afford to take on LO's sibling, as much as we want to. At the end of the day they want us to take her (obviously there is nothing we want more) but its not happening if it is likely to affect the qualtity of life our lo is currently getting from us. eg rtips out at weekend, playgroups, partys etc

Don't be afraid to TELL them what you require, worst case is they say no.


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

We had a sibling placed and we got nothing at all which is not great as I had to leave work to have the second child.  Even more annoying because if SS had got themselves together and placed him just three weeks sooner, I would have been able to stay employed and get a second lot of SAP!

I think the worst they can say is no, so tell them what you need and see what they say, but given it's a young baby they're placing, they're already offering a lot more than most LAs would.

All the best,

Wyxie xx


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## Loopylou29 (Mar 4, 2013)

We got nothing when we had a sibling placed. We did ask but were told everything was being reduced due to the financial cuts. They would only pay allowances for the children considered hard to place. 
I agree with Wyxie, tell them what you need and see what they say but you are being offered a lot more than most La's would.

Check with your employer their position on taking a second period of adoption leave. You should beentitled to a second lot of SAP and depending on your employers adoption policy you may also get full pay if they offer it.


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## Ally Wally (Mar 1, 2011)

Thanks so much for the advice. I now realise just how lucky we are but yes, I will ask for an allowance and see what they say. I have checked with work and as soon as no.2 is placed with us, my current adoption leave ends and the second one starts. Sadly no pay....just statutory pay but at least I get the extra time.


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## Loopylou29 (Mar 4, 2013)

Ally

You might want to get further advice about your adoption leave. You should get 2 lots of SAP for a while as its a separate placement.


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi Ally

We had two placed in five months, the youngest five months (now 7 months) and the eldest now 18 months.

In terms of SAP I get paid twice during the overlap - so for four months. My SAP for DD started in July and from Nov - March I get paid twice for both, then when it ends for DD I go back to one payment for DS until July.

We were told they'd look into some sort of allowance to help us and have submitted a form which will be processed and decided on. This was their idea as ours are very young and therefore expensive with two of everything which we've had to buy plus were placed in a short time of each other.

X


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

sorry hun no words of  wisdom here but I am thinking about you both.  You know where I am take care xx


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## Dreams do come true (Jan 4, 2012)

Hi,

Exciting....yet scary times ahead! (Potentially!)

We adopted siblings 8 mths ago, we were given a settling in grant, and are given a monthly adoption allowance...we got letters saying we should submit a form, if we don't then we miss our chance. I called them and said if its means tested I doubt we will get anything...she said they only have one adoptor who was refused and that we should apply so we did...it was also backdated to placement day and (although subject to review) will be paid until the kids are 18. This goes into a bank account for them when they are older.

Definitely worth asking.

Life with two is fun...it's hard but fun!!!


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## Belliboo (Dec 23, 2007)

Hi we've just taken on our AS sibling, we only get a settling in grant one off payment of £250 so looks like you have a generous LA but as you say it' worth you asking xxx


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