# help........friend wants me to adopt her baby!!!!!!



## KW (Nov 16, 2003)

hi there 

i could really do with some help. my husband and i have been ttc for 8 years now with nothing happening so we are looking into adoption got our first visit on 18 sept all good BUT the other day an old friend of mine turned up 6 months pg and wanting me to take her (it's a girl) off her hands (her words not mine) i have spoke lots to her about it and do belive that she really doesn't want this baby she has said if we don't take her then she will have her adopted out by somebody else. so now my heads in a spin and i don't know what to do, have spoke to a sw and she said that we would have to go thought the whole adoption process as normal but i am unclear as to what would happen to baby while we went though the 8 month process, if we took her when she was born ( due end nov) then applied for full custody then the adoption is that a better way. we just don't know what to do i need to know what i am letting myself in for before we commit to an answer because if all this went wrong when we are letting ourselves infor a whole world of pain, would we need a lawyer? 

so many question going though head any kind of help will be great

thanks 

karen


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

First things first i would suggest you all seek some sort of counselling together to make sure this if deffo what your friend wants as a lot of women change their mind once the baby is born. also you need to think very carefully about what the future would hold as your friend will know where to find you if she decided she wanted contact. 

I'm sure you are aware this is a very big decision and you really need to think it through from every angle, don't let your heart rule your head (very hard i know) after trying for your own baby for so long and then to have someone hand you one is very tempting but you need to make sure it's the right decision for everyone concerned so no one ends up getting hurt 

also i would try research the internet for as much advice as you can get, have you tried adoption uk ? they usually have some great advice and i think they have pretty much seen every situation over there so someone should be able to help  

good luck hun, keep us posted how you get on 

pam xx


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## Angelbabywood (May 11, 2005)

Hi Karen

As Pam has sad you need to think long and hard about this as the little girls birth mother will always know where she is and what she is doing.  Will she allow you to get on with your lives.

It IS so easy to think well what if we did etc after ttc for so long we have been in a similar predicament where my 18 yea old niece as had her 9 month old son removed from her care when he was 4 months.  He now resides with his 2nd foster family.  We thought long and hard about having him but it would never fulfill our need to be parents as family would always see us as his carers.

I really hope you canfind some peace through all this and the right decision is made for all 4 of you.  If you don't mind me asking, where is the babies father?

Kerry xx


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## KW (Nov 16, 2003)

hiya

thanks for the advice, i have thought about the fact that our friend will always know where we are etc but she is never a full time fixture in my life in kind of drifts in and out with years inbetween and i really don't think she would interfer with us and the baby. the babys father is currently in jail for a string of voilent offences so not the most perfect dad material. i know this is going to be so hard no matter what path we choose i have to speak to a social worker and the go from there really, our main concern at the minute is if we adopt the baby thats going 8 months and she due in 3 so what happens inbetween we and the birth mother don't want to see the baby in foster care until we are approved as we all feel the baby and us will be missing out on valuable bonding time so we are looking in to custody or guardianship until we are approved. this is such a massive thing for us so we are not going into it blind we are really thinking long and hard about it and if it all goes well and we end up with the baby then all this hard work and stress would of definatly been worth it.


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## ♥sparklequeen♥ (Feb 6, 2007)

*I dont have any wonderful advice, i just read your story and couldnt help but post to say good luck with it all. I really hope it all works out for you 
Lots of love
Sparkles x*


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

A friend of mine was bereaved of his wife who died very shortly after his baby was born - his baby was privately fostered while he considered his options. Happily he is now at home with baby and lovely new partner but one option might be to consider privately fostering the baby while all concerned work out what they want. Social Services must be involved and I believe you must go through the CRB process but if she asks you to privately care for the baby I think this is allowed.


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## GEM (Aug 26, 2003)

Hi,

I have been in a similar situation, I have pm'd you.

Gem


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