# Anon donor egg and known donor sperm, or anon donor embryo?



## liz lemon (Feb 16, 2015)

Hello everyone

I've also posted this on other threads and had helpful responses, as I'm trying to get as much opinion, input, and thoughts on the issue as I can.

Even though I know ultimately we will have to make our own decision, I wonder if any of you can offer your thoughts on what you would choose if you were in my shoes. Here's my situation: I am in a same-sex relationship, and I will be using donor eggs. We will be going overseas for various reasons (not the anonymity issue) and as a result, any donated eggs/embryos will be anonymous. We have a choice between an untraceable anonymous sperm donor (we'd do embryo donation in this case), or having a male friend donate the sperm. There are no issues regarding trusting him, etc. He is genuinely happy to have as little or as much involvement as we/the child wishes, at whatever time in our lives. Looking at worst scenarios (hopefully whichever option I go for won't end in this, but you know what it's like) which is worse, the child never being able to trace its genetic heritage or the child not being able to have the relationship it wants with the known donor, be that more or less than it wants (if that makes sense)? Which option would you choose for the sperm donation, and why? I'm very conflicted, trying to work out what is best for the child, rather that what might suit us. Thoughts from anyone gratefully received!


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## poppy05 (Apr 10, 2006)

Hi Liz and welcome   


It really is a huge decision which ultimately only you can decide, may i ask why the donor would be untraceable? is it not an option to buy your donor sperm through one of the registered sperm banks? we used xytex in the usa, and it was brilliant, we have the donors profile, including photos, all on a disc, if we do have a child, and they want to know about the donor we can offer the information.
there is also the european sperm bank in denmark.


Using a known donor was never an option for us, we didnt want a 3rd party involvement, i dont at any point want my wife to feel like shes not the other parent, so using an anon but traceable donor was the option we chose, we felt it was best for any future children, and for us.


I wish you the very best of luck in whatever you decide to do, and what ever choice you do make will be the right one for you and your family   


Poppy xx


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

Personally for me, the known donor route poses too many risks. Physical - health wise do not know for sure that they are this moment 100% healthy. Involvement wise - any agreement reached doesn't have any legal basis so could become more involved and wish to be daddy. Likewise start off involved and then drop out which would be very confusing for lo. They may disagree with your choices etc.

For me ds was not only best for my sanity but IMO best for my lo. I've all of the Available information so should I divuleg they will have access to it all. They can understand their roots etc BUT will not be daydreaming about this perfect imagined father.

This is not for everyone and maybe you feel less _threatened_ than you may by de donor but to me, the potential catastrophe of known donor would not be worth the gamble.


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