# Crying all afternoon



## jakesmum (Feb 10, 2007)

Hi everyone, 

DH had his sperm test done at CRM yesterday and I called them today to see what the result was - I was really hoping that it would be ok not to have ICSI becuase we can't afford it (hence egg sharing).  Anyway, spoke to the doctor who said that it was v. bad and we definately need ICSI.  I explained that we wouldn't have the money and wouldn't even be able to start saving soon as we have just borrowed £2,000 from my parents (we are going to emigrate and had to pay the application fee to our agent - not going for three years but had to get application before DH's 35th birthday).  Anyway, doctor didn't seem to pleased with me, told me that the tests I had done cost the hospital £350 and they only last for six months. 

I'm completely gutted, was at work and haven't been able to stop crying all afternoon.  I just keep breaking down, which is so completely unlike me, I'm a really strong person normally and not very emotional.  DH isn't home yet and I'm dreading that cos I'm just going to lose it again - thankfully my ds will be in bed when he gets home.

Also really upset cos I called my mum and DH and they both said "at least you have one child" - seriously think I'm going to lose it, I know I have one child and I am blessed and obviously very lucky that we got him, but that doesn't stop the pain of wanting another one.  

I'm just gutted, been trying for such a long time, found out at Xmas we would need IVF and then heard about eggshare, got tested Monday and have been on cloud nine ever since, thinking that we are finally going to get a baby and now this.

Sorry for rambling, and I'm sure my email doesn't make sense and has loads of typos!  Am off to eat macaroni cheese and mash potatote followed by rice pudding and lots more tears.

Emma


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## ♥emmyloupink♥ (Mar 21, 2005)

ohh sweetie thats horrible news 
sometimes it good to cry and let it all out and maybe you will be able to think through all the options still available,I'm sure some clincs pay you for your eggs so maybe you could donate a couple of times and then use the money for the icsi and then start egg sharing maybe thats something to ponder on for a while, 
grab your self a bottle of wine snuggle up the sofa and wake up with a clear head on your options..dint give up hope yet its not over its just began
and to everyone that says at least you have one.. having one sometimes makes its harder than not having any because you know the joy the one you have has brought into your life.
ill do dome research for you and hopefully come back with some good news Emma xxx


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## *kateag* (Jun 20, 2006)

Hun sorry you have had bad news. Dont worry about the crying. Its totally normal!!

Also, the comment on the you have one child, I hear that several times a week, and it makes no difference whatsoever if you have one or not, if you are desperate for a baby and you cant have one it hurts the same. I think its just peoples way of trying to make you feel better, unfortunatly it doesnt work. 

Can i ask how much your clinic charges for ICSI? Our clinic is quite expensive (£1115 in total now) but quite a few clinics are less. ICSI is quite expensive though, we were hoping dh's sperm would be better so we could have straight IVF but no such luck for us. 

Try not to get down hun, its the start of the journey, please dont give up yet. 

xxxx


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## jakesmum (Feb 10, 2007)

Thanks for your kind comments, after throwing a complete wobbly this morning I feel a bit better, have a headache and puffy eyes but at least I'm not bursting into tears every five minutes.  DH doesn't understand and I know I am being completely irrational but I can't help it.  If I'm honest I didn't 100% think we would need IVF, cos DH did everything they said re his sperm and I really thought that when we went back to our consultant she woudl say his sperm was better - I think cos we already have one ds that I couldn't imagine that his sperm wouldn't get better if he did what they told him.  

Then when they said that we could have the IVF at no cost and I was booked in for counselling and to see the nurse to go through the drugs and everything I've been so excited, I thought something was really happening and was even working out due dates from treatment (!) I didn't for a minute think it wouldn't be better and I figured that if it was still bad it wouldn't be bad enough for ICSI- how wrong was I.  So I think I'm more upset at realsing that this isn't going to happen unless we get the money and then its not guaranteed anyway.  Plus, until yesterday I didn't realise how much this was effecting me so I don't know if I could actually cope with the disappointment if it didn't work.  I just feel completely hopeless.  The ICSI is £700 which in the grandscheme doesn't sound much but we are brassick at the moment and as I said earlier I already owe my parents £2k so I just need to come to terms with the fact that it will be a few years before we can have it.  

Sorry I still sound like a manic depressive!
Em


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## 7sector (Oct 23, 2006)

Hi emma 

sorry to hear your problems but glad your feeling better. could you not phone the clinic and see if you can pay on instalments. someone said to me they found out they needed icsi and didnt have the money so had the treatment anyway and when they got the bill they wrote to whoever sent it and agreed to make the payment by installments of £50 per month. im going to come across this problem myself. icsi at lister is somthnig like £1130 i think. 

i know £50 is a lot when you owe your parents but is it not worth considering so you dont have to wait for treatment.


Jeanette


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## ebjones (Nov 16, 2005)

Hi Emma,

Arrr...I'm sorry for you...I know how you're feeling as we also have to have ICSI and chose egg share as we thought there would be no costs. To date, we've spent about £400 on car parking, **** fee, congestion charges and diesel from Swindon to London countless times. Then it will be ICSI costs on top (£700). We had saved some money for our wedding (meant to be July this year) but have raided the fund so heavily that will have to be postponed. We also took out a huge loan to pay amongst other things £2600 for my dh's vasectomy reversal (few years ago) which failed, so if this IVF fails it will seem like a huge waste.

Having said that, time is of the essence when it comes to fertility, so if you can pay by instalments as Jeanette suggested, it might be worth it. I really hope you can find a solution hun.

And as for people saying about you having a child already, I get that also and just feel like telling people to pxxxx off! If you want another, why shouldn't you have as good a chance as anyone else? 

Anyway, I really hope you find a solution hun. My smileys aren't working for some reason, otherwise I'd send you some babydust!

take care,

Elle


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## *kateag* (Jun 20, 2006)

Hi Emma, hope you are feeling a bit better today hun, and somewhat over the shock. 

Try giving your clinic a call tomorrow to see what they can suggest, speak to the nurse rather than the consultant. 

xxxx


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## jakesmum (Feb 10, 2007)

Thanks for your kind posts - they've really cheered me up.  I'm going to call the clinic tomorrow to ask about installments and see what they say.  DH has said that he is going to ask about working Saturdays to help us save some cash so that's one thing.  It's ds's fourth birthday next Sunday so have got his party to sort out which is going to help take my mind off things!

Right, am off to watch Supernatural so hope everyone had a good weekend and thanks for cheering me up!  Will keep you guys posted on what they say re installments (hopefully they will agree)! 

Emma


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## wishing4miracle (Sep 7, 2006)

ladies that fee for icsi has gone upto 1195


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## *kateag* (Jun 20, 2006)

Thats what I meant to type! oops!


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