# ~Empty Arms~ A Presentation To Help Friends & Family Understand



## DizziSquirrel

http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html





> Sometimes it is hard for people not experiencing IF to understand the pain and hurt that we go through.
> I know that I find it especially hard to even talk about IF, even with those closest to me.
> This is something that you can send on to your friends and family
> which will hopefully help them understand a bit more.


*This has is not created by Fertility Friends but has been posted by quite a few people here on FF in various places. Thank you to everyone who has shared this link and to the original creator of the video..*. ​
/links


----------



## Charlies-Mum

beautiful - now I need a hanky  (in a good way)

Debs


----------



## MummytoKeira

That is just so beautiful...I am sobbing. Wondering if I should send it to my brother who has fallen out with me...due to my infertility problems and his insensitivity of him telling me his girlfriend was pregnant. I need to think about it.

Em xxxx


----------



## MichelleM72

Wow, that is beautiful!  But,    

I really think I need to forward that to some of my friends and family.  Though, they are as supportive as I guess they can be, they don't really understand what it's like.

Thanks for posting that. 

Michelle


----------



## judy620

so true yet so hurting  . 

tahnks for posting it


----------



## Pickle_99_uk

Again, thanks for posting it.  it explains how I feel better than I can. xx


----------



## suziegirl64

Oh dear       

Don't think I should have watched that at work - so moving. Stunningly simple and beautiful.
Thanks

Suzie x


----------



## Harts

Thanks

I cried but seeing as my hormones are all over the place due to PCOS it is not surprising  

I forwarded this on to some of my work mates to explain how I am feeling because 2 girls are pg-- didn't forward to those two. And have only recd one reply back so far but it was quite insensitive! She said that she and the other girls can't put their lives on hold and not be happy for the other 2 just because I am sad and said that I am ruining the one girls pregnancy because she can't be happy while I am sad.  Think it is a bit unfair really.  I am happy for the 2 but it doesn't mean I am not sad for all of us.  

Anyway, if anyone has any premonitions about what the lottery numbers might be please let me know so I can get away from her!!!!!

Hopefully everyone else will be more understanding.

lots of love,
hartsxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## MrsRedcap

jeeez thats beautiful...tears are streaming down my face here... 

Explains everything that you feel and more.

Thank you for that.

Vicki x


----------



## milty99

That was beautiful. It is a very sad journey which we are going or have gone through, I send hope to all that are still trying that the journey will end soon and you are guided down the right path to where you want to be and have happiness bought to you

Take Care all

Elaine


----------



## Magpie

Thanks for that  - its is exactly how we feel! 

 to everyone!

Liz
x


----------



## brownowl23

that is wonderful. I have vowed to send it to DH's mates if they kick off about him not being able to go to lads weekends because we need time for us because of the treatment.

Chris


----------



## poppy22

What a wonderful idea. I was crying my eyes out and that was without the music (didnt turn the volume up). God i wish my mother had the internet i would sent it to her. I too dont like talking about it with many people as i find they just dont understand.

Thank you. 

Poppyxx


----------



## dhikki

oh my god, how beautiful, it was written for me!

love Donna xx


----------



## Anabelle

hi all

have watched this quite a few times and cried every time  

I sent it to my brother by e-mail a few months ago (we havent spoken for over a year cos he doesnt understand) and have not had any response from him apart from a birthday card from him & his wife only nothing from my nephews   

some people seem intent on hurting you.................

S
x


----------



## chickadee

Amazing


----------



## jo &amp; ian

i havent cried like this for years.
its probably given me the best form of release i could ever wish for.
well done to the makers.


----------



## Fidget

I have just watched this again, and it makes me cry everytime     

((((((((((((((group hugs))))))))))))

Debs
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Young D

I've just watched it cried my heart out then forwarded it to every one in my address book my mum phoned me in tears so was her boyfriend (soppy or what) but wow,  totally wow!!!


----------



## lilacbunnykins

wow thats so true and sad,im crying my eyes out too,im slightly diffrent in that i lost both my fallopion tubes to eptopics so know why i cant conciev,but may send it to some freinds so they know how im feeling emotionaly...ty


----------



## teardrop

thanks for sharing this with us ,how moving  
its what a lot of us are going though.
big big hug
luv
teardrop
xxx


----------



## 555pebbles

wow I have just sent it to my friend who has fertility problems like me it was so moving.
I feel like sending it to my sister but you don't know how they will take it, but it was so well done and said it all
Thanks


----------



## Sassybird

I'm sat with tears on my face. Thanks for posting that.

Sassy.x.


----------



## overthemoon.com

nOTHING EXPLAINS BETTER HOW i FEEL, TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO FRIENDS & FAMILY IS HARD

THIS SAYS IT ALL - HAVE SENT IT ON !!! 

THANKS XX


----------



## overthemoon.com

and following on from that, my mum has replied to my email & simply put

*'Very Good'* & changed the subject... (yeah thats wonderful isnt it mum)

Im sure she thinks I totally exaggerate the way feel...

How is that good ?

sorry I am just gobsmacked.


----------



## meneilson

Beautiful - But a tage harsh to watch while in an office of Blokes - should have none I would have ended up a blubbering wreck - best go to the loo and sort this face out!!

xxxx


----------



## maria21

that was so beautiful im sitting here in tears now wish my mum and dad had a computer so i could send them it ....... i just had another miscarriage last week this is my third in a few years this just sums up how i feel sent it to my sister havent heard back from her yet thank you whoever made that it just sums up how we feel luv maria xxx


----------



## overthemoon.com

feehilyfan said:


> Lisa, that's ridiculous! how can "very good" sum up how you're feeling? I sent this to one friend and she said she cried over it and then made her DH sit and watch it too - they both now understand more how we're feeling. (Blown you a few bubble hun - how a full member could only have six I've no idea lol)
> [/quote
> 
> I know...I kinda expected more from my mum..this just goes to show how insensative my friends & family can be - this is just typical in my world!


----------



## ♡ C ♡

i've jsut watched it for the 1st time so amazing so true


----------



## lauraj78

I've just read it this morning,  thats exactly how i feel I've got ears streaming down here.

Laura


----------



## MummytoKeira

Just read this again .....having a good cry xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## NixNoo

Just watched this - tears!!  

I once wrote something similar but 'filed' it somewhere where I wouldn't find it and upset myself (ostrich syndrome).  So glad I've seen it though as being and ostrich really doesn't help.
xxx


----------



## emma49

WOW, that gave me goosebumps.  Fantastic, thankyou.  Those few minutes say it all and even though now i'm a snivelling wreck   strangely i feel full of hope.  Thankyou  Thankyou  Thankyou.



Emma.


----------



## Cloud9

Beautiful link - it made me     for the collective group affected by this problem


----------



## karen j

Have only just watched it, thankyou for sharing this with us. 

Karen j


----------



## Guest

Thank you for that ~Dizzi~ made me


----------



## Wicklow

absolutly amazing. thankyou


----------



## AliR

Thanks for an amazing presentation

so strong, yet emotional and heart wrenching. Watched it 3 times, a little more blurrrrrry each time. 

Lets hope that one day people will understand a little more and encourage our strength to continue through treatment, highs and lows.

Ali


----------



## wildcat

This totally made me cry - what a beautiful way to explain what we are all going through.  I have posted this to my blog and will send it to my family!

Thank you for posting it.


----------



## Wraakgodin

Thanks for posting that link - I have had a look at it and shed a few tears.

Sue


----------



## nexus6

I can only reiterate what everyone else has said. What an amazing piece of work. 

We got lucky and got a BFP after the 6th cycle of clomid, 2 weeks before our first IVF appointment and scheduled endo removal surgery. A close friend hasn't been so fortunate and I think I'll send it on to her. Would be great tool to let her familty understand what they are going through now (and what we went through before).

Lena came in just as it ended and I had tears streaming down my face. I'll have to get her to watch it, but 38 weeks pregnant maybe isnt a good time.


----------



## loobylou713

I am going to send this link to Tony Blair


----------



## SUSZY

This is very good and says so much, I will send to a few people as its exactly how I have been feeling the last few weeks and that is with being lucky enough to have a nearly five year old.
good luck to all you wonderful people out there and I wish I had been more understanding before I experienced by 2ndy if
happy Christmas and may all your hopes and dreams be realised in 07


----------



## Alisha

thanks for posting this
just seen this for the first time   got tears streaming down my face ...
will send to my brother and sil as we've kind of fallen out over our IF 
hope they'll understand better ...
couldn't put it better myself


SUSZY said:


> good luck to all you wonderful people out there
> happy Christmas and may all your hopes and dreams be realised in 07


----------



## danlau

Hi ...... Just needed to say how much that really touched me ... I just couldn't hold my emotions in and had a good cry along with DP who walked in half way so I played it to him and he was touched too.

I am blessed with our DD through icsi treatment but the words are so true that it never leaves the scars on ones heart .. and this brought so many memories rushing back.

Laura xx


----------



## kitten1

Just watched this wee piece for the 1st time............        

Am gona send it to my sis who keeps tellin me 'just be patient, it will happen naturally'!

It's ok for her!!! She has her gorgeous lil boy!!!!!! Without all the tests and tx!!!!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 



Mandy xx


----------



## x shye x

Wow that is the most strongest clip i have ever watched and is so true, i wish i could send that to my dad but sadly i still dont think he would understand. 

Shye xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## mdevine

that clip explains the whole journey of ttc its lovely I'm crying my eyes out but its a good way of getting people to understand what people actually go through. thankyou xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## HollyWillow

that is beautiful and very true, I'm going to send it to my best mate coz shes been there for me through all of my heart ache, and my very inconsiderate sister who has to infrom me 1st everytime shes PG with yet another child she doesnt really want..


----------



## AliR

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own happiness that we forget where we came from.... I hope that i always remember the heartache and sadness and in turn the support and strength that i recieved from FF's. I can't wait for my miracle babies to enter the world and hope that everyone here can experience the 'joy' of becoming a mother. 

Our babies are so special and will be loved soooooo much

x x x


----------



## Shabba

Im so touched by this link, i have been    but in a good way, it sums up how we feel in a nut shell

Lovely
Sharon xx


----------



## Spaykay

Lovely, aren't we strong and wonderful people !!!  

Kay xxx


----------



## Maria Christina

That was wonderful and so very very true, 
Sat here bawling     
So beautifully done 
thanks for sharing it on here, it said everything so perfectly
will send it too a few people who struggle to understand our pain 

Thankyou
Maria Christina xxxxxx


----------



## DMM35

I know this is an old thread but I've just found it and my goodness how poignant


----------



## DizziSquirrel

It sure is


----------



## M.T.B

that is just sooooo lovely sums up everything to a tee. thankyou xxx


----------



## Paula H.

That has moved me so much, in a good way! It describes everything I have felt or been through to a tee. I shall be forwarding it to some of the people who are close to me but have difficulty in grasping the impact of IF.

Thank you so much.

XXXXXXXX


----------



## tracy6

well i have just cried so much    i should send that to my friend who knows about everything with me but still sits telling me that her and her husband are going to have another baby and all they have to do is look at each other and then they are pregs ( in her own words)


----------



## Cat Lover

What a beautiful well made film , it bought back some emotional memories.

The scar on ones heart is true, I am 9weeks now and beginning to hope that our journey is moving forwards, but I'll never forget the heartache.


----------



## ELLODIE

Hi there everyone.

Does anyone know how to email this beautiful story onto somebody else?

Thanks

Jayne


----------



## DizziSquirrel

Jayne
all you need to do is COPY the Link then paste it into the email for them to click on.

~Dizzi~


----------



## ELLODIE

Thats great, thank you.

Jayne


----------



## Buttercup

So beautiful and yet so sad it describes exactly how I have felt over the last few years xxx


----------



## Tweetiepie

Made me cry my eyes out.  Made DH watch it and he cried too.  I would like to send it to some people but scared how they would take it ... I don't really want anyones sympathy ...


----------



## prawn

It was so moving, as many have said i felt as if it was written about me!


----------



## JWTBAM

That video is so moving, it makes me cry, it really describes my journey and many other people's journey's on here. the hurt and pain i'm going through. x x


----------



## crazybabe

Hi all

I have written this link down to watch when i get home, as i will break my heart watching this in work in my lunch break, do anyone of you know of any good cd's or anything that can help me relax and de-stress at the moment i am starting my first ivf cycle the 28th sept after 3 unsucessful iui's and are very down at the moment, i lost all my self esteem and cannot even concentrate in work.
Any suggestions welcome

Love Crazybabe


----------



## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ ©

I've seem this several times and it still manages to make me














every single time.

Good luck to everyone
Natasha xxxx


----------



## sj79

Wow, what an amazing video, and so very true.

Thanks for posting the link

Sara x


----------



## louby1975

That is a beautiful video, I didn't realise how much I needed to cry. it's really helped me.

Thankyou 

LouXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxx


----------



## sandnotoil

Wow, it just hits you right between the eyes.   

I don't think I am one of the most 'wanting' women on this forum, but I always imagined my life with a child in tow.

If asked about why I've got no kids, I am nonchalant or avoid the issue about wanting a child of my own. This way I don't have to explain any feelings, or endure the awkwardness, but that video sums it up in a beautiful nutshell.

Sand


----------



## crazybabe

Hi All,

What video are you all talking about,

Good luck to all of you

Crazybabe


----------



## sandnotoil

crazybabe said:


> Hi All,
> 
> What video are you all talking about,


Hi, go to the 1st post on this topic and click the link and the video will appear


----------



## eadaoin

Hi,

Just want to say thank you for the link which I sent on to my parents, couldn't explain how we were feeling. Made them cry too but they are being so very supportive, and feel they understand more now. Thanks again.

Eadaoin


----------



## KittenPaws

Thank you for this beautiful video. I cant believe how much it reflected me and is just want i feel but sometimes dont know how to say
x


----------



## reality

this says everything that I have been struggling to say for years and years.... thank you xx xx


----------



## TylerToe

i know this is an old thread but i have just watched that video... it nails it on what feelings we all are going through and continue to go through, i was in tears almost from the beginning... 

a beautifully presented insight 

R XXX


----------



## paula07

This was a very emotional video but it made me realise that I am not alone in the way that I feel!! 

Paula.xx


----------



## Cate1976

Video was taking too long to open on PC's in library so I googled for it.  The first few that came up weren't the right one but 4th or 5th took me to where it is on FF.  I've copied it out to type up and print off to give to a couple of friends.


----------



## brighton belle

I've been meaning to post on this site for ages but usually just end up bursting into tears instead! Probably cos I always look here when I'm feeling down as it's good in a wierd way to know there are so many people feeling the same way and going through such heartache.....This video was so beautiful and summed up just how both me and my DH feel .....especially the part about how whatever the outcome you will always remember the journey......In fact its made me feel positive about my next IUI cycle next month and  know that I'm definitely not alone!!


----------



## Tiny21

Hi Brigthon Belle
Glad you have posted, I have also come on here and sat in tears because of what I have read - sometimes good or bad news. It reminds me I am not alone at all and that there are people with much worse stories. It's still rubbish that anybody has to go through it.  Glad you are now feeling positive about next IUI - we are due to start 3rd DIUI imminently, what are the dates for yours? I am waiting for AF then get booked in for scans etc. Just hoping to have some good news by Christmas. 
Good luck. 
Tiny


----------



## Ruthieshmoo

Does anyone know if the couple ever had a baby? sorry if this upsets anyone me posting this i was just wondering x I hope they did x


----------



## Cate1976

Just watched the video and am close to  .  It sums up how I feel.  I like the part where it says we need love, support, understanding, sensitivity and a shoulder to cry on.  That is so true.


----------



## MandyL

Oh gosh that video is amazing...  I know I will revisit when I need more good cries.  We haven't been trying for years, we haven't even really accepted that we are "infertile", but my heart still aches for my children who don't exist yet.  And the damn Clomid has me crying at a lot less than this!


----------



## Jen Jen

Brilliant! (although now in floods of tears yet again!) been trying to tell friends and family how I feel for years.  Will definately forward it

Jen Jen


----------



## Sunshine1977

Always makes me


----------



## Cate1976

Moves me beyond  .  Not sure if that's good or not.  Only cried twice during this heartache.


----------



## Susanna

Thanks for posting this 
Made me cry 
I posted the link on another forum where people have the same problem and people were also moved there. So thank you


----------



## DizziSquirrel

Susanna which forum


----------



## Loubie101

Aww that is just so lovely, thanks for doing the link for us xx


----------



## gcas69

blubbing like a big girl now !   

no offence meant ladies

but this really does sum it up

G


----------



## DizziSquirrel

I blubbed too hun


----------



## Blondie99

*Amazing video   

Very powerful xxx*


----------



## kate28

wow, very moving


----------



## armi




----------



## bethan jane

This is lovely.  I sobbed!  Have sent it to friends and family who only just understand how we feel.

Bethan xxx


----------



## DizziSquirrel

Have you found the poems on the home page 
when I joined FF I was crying my eyes out at them!


----------



## bethan jane

The poems are amazing too.  I've let so many people see this, it really helps them to understand.

Thank you

Bethan xxx


----------



## Shweta

wish i could share it with someone! I sob almost every once in 15 days due to triggers in such various forms.


----------



## Susie311

That was so lovely    had a good cry  

Thanks x


----------



## Julie Wilts

Wow - what a moving insight into IF .... beautiful pictures and words.  Glad I didn't read it last week when I was   &  .

There is one particular "friend" that I would like to send it to, as she has been spectacularly unsupportive throughout all our problems.  She didn't think we should get checked out initially (just relax and it will happen ), then felt at least we knew the odds now (there's not a decision to make honey - you just HAVE to do IUI  ) and now that AF arrived after 1st IUI (no time to grieve, just pick yourself up and try again    ).

Thank goodness for all the lovely FF ladies who have given me FANTASTIC support since I joined only 10 days ago.

  &   to you all. XXX


----------



## trollmor

This made me cry.
I noticed how many people that replied back in 2006 have now got children though. Infertility treatment works and this website is proof of that. 

I feel so very blessed


----------



## max_8579

Wow that made me cry but it is so true,x


----------



## zoeward

A really simple but moving video - I have sent a copy of the link to all my insensitive family and friends.  Hopefully they will understand what my husband and I are going through a bit better.

Thanks for sharing x


----------



## Cate1976

I loved the video.  Very moving.  My fave part is the slide with the bridge on it saying that people going through IF need love, support, sensitivity, understanding and a shoulder to cry on.


----------



## Guest

Having spent weeks moaning about back aches and heartburn, this video has made me really how truly lucky I am, and I hope I can support others in the same position I was in xxx


----------



## Nova

Loved it ... It just sums it all up doesn't it!  Obviously I cried like a baby....    
The slide about what people say, so so true.... 

Nova XXX


----------



## Viking Girl

Nova,

Sorry to jump in here and being sooo O/T, but just spotted your fur baby!

Snap... except we have double trouble!!

Karen x


----------



## Cate1976

I've not had too many insensitive comments.  One of the worst was last August when DH and I were staying with my parents.  They had my Niece with them over night.  In the afternoon of the first day, Dad came into the conservatory with her in his arms, she wasn't settling and it was nap time.  Dad said 'this is what you'll have to put up with once you've got a baby'.  My reply 'I'll take the crying, the pooey nappies, reflux, colic, sleepless nights and whatever else a baby can throw at me if I could just get pregnant and have a baby'.  He walked out.  I've only cried twice since finding out DH and I will need IVF to have our own LO.


----------



## MoragB

Well.

I cried too, it is a beautiful video....   we've had so many negative comments, usually from people who are lucky enough to have children of their own. We were told that egg donation or adoption were our only choices, imagine our devastation, I'm sure that you can..... Then, most relatives were so not understanding. In fact when we told them our options, we were told 'thats not natural' so we have stopped talking about it to those inclose contact and if it works they will be shocked and will have to get used to the idea  TOO BAD   We have new hope in our quest. It will work.....We WILL be parents!!!

Love
Moragx


----------



## Cate1976

I've had 'In God's time' and 'Be patient, it'll happen'  Both from memebrs of our church family.  I've bitten my tongue so many times.  Baby number 14 since Feb 05 was in church for the first time today (Bay's Mum is duaghter of church member).  I said congratulations and held baby in my arms and was smiling.  I said to a couple of friends that it shows how far I've come the last couple of months.  It took time though.  It was when I got review appointment through that I started to pick up.  Hoping to start tx in September.


----------



## emak

OMG i cant stop crying    .Very true to life.


----------



## Lindy:-)

For a long time - lots of years. we have tried to have a baby.
~Empty Arms~ has put into words so much which we can't.
I have shared this link with my sister & mother - to express
exactly what we mean - when we don't want to tal about it!!!
Excellent.  x


----------



## Cate1976

Hope it's ok to post this here. Link to poem/prayer I wrote last November.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=124295.0


----------



## chick

That just about sums it up! I'm glad I read that on my own   It's soo true if one more person tells me to relax or what are you worrying about you'r young I think I will scream, ha ha! Good luck to us all


----------



## The Hobnobbing Queen

Wow, I've not seen this before. I'm in absolute pieces. Sometimes it just feels like you're so very alone in all this, you forget there are other people out there who are in the same boat.


----------



## bubbles06

hi jess123-we are all in the same situation on here,hope you feel welcome iam at glasgow royal infimary for my treatment,were are you.


----------



## The Hobnobbing Queen

I'm at UCH in London,


----------



## flucky

that was beautiful just amazing thank you x


----------



## Jasey

I'd heard about this but not seen it - until now. I'm a complete mess!   

It made my heart go out to all my FF's I chat to daily who have been through and continue to go through so much worse than I have. 

I just want to   you all.


----------



## Birdy

Wonderful and extremely moving .

Birdy


----------



## jonesy

oh god,     

how true it has everything spot on.,

but there is hope    

gud luck to us all

loads ov love 

jonesy xxx


----------



## wanttobeamummy

Hi its my first time to post

I've just watched the vid its so sad   
It sums up how we feel i'm going to send it to my family it will explain a lot to them.

thank you
wanttobeamummy


----------



## Cate1976

I'd love it if my boss could see it.


----------



## dionne27

said everything i feel, and yet find hard 2 express xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## angeldee

OMG 
That did it!!!! was holding it all in you know the pain and the lost feelings, cried buckets   now feel much better thank you FF   to all the ladies 

DeeXXXXXXXX


----------



## DizziSquirrel

Dee - 
sometimes its better to let it all out - means there more room to be strong and positive as you take on the next battle


----------



## Dreamingbaby

Wow! Amazing! Unbelievably tear jerking.
Thank you, I will definately send on to friends and family.
My DH said why do you put yourself through these things and walked out the room.


----------



## sara1

Beautiful and extremely moving. Will pass it on to my family and friends to help them understand how my DH and I feel.
xoxo


----------



## Topkat08

Thats got me   
Its beautiful.


----------



## angeldee

AAHH  Topkat isn't it just I showed it DH and he said thats us isn't it darling and it made me   even more 

DeeXXX


----------



## Topkat08

aww   bless ya both Dee x 
It's nice that someone has found how 2 express the feelings that we all find hard to do.

x x


----------



## manxie

still sat here crying now, think im having a bad day with the world and his wife having babies and not us, was quite cathartic to watch ....and cry. 
Lots of love and luck to everyone xx


----------



## DizziSquirrel




----------



## pipgirl

Just had to post.

I watched this when we were ttc and now again that we are pg.

I think i cried more this time, thinking about the terrible pain we went through and the despair thinking it would never happen, and now we are blessed with our wonderful baby on its way...i felt so much love for him or her and my heart goes out to the couples who are still waiting. Our journey has been shorter and less difficult than some peoples, but hard enough for us..we know people who are still waiting.
Baby, although i will tell you everyday, you will never know how happy you make us and how much we love and want you.

Pip

 for all those waiting.


----------



## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

it summed up what i have been trying to say to a 'friend'  feel like sending to her. It made me cry and i think DH had a sniffle (he never cries!!)


----------



## poly_pod

well this is the first post i've seen on this site & it made me cry, in a good way though as it just shows i'm in the right place................ when you have so many emotions going around its nice that someone has taken the time to put something so beautiful together.  It's a great thing to show family & friends to explain how it feels

thank you for sharing.


----------



## ernie

I am in floods of tears again. Thank you for posting this it is beautiful.

Ernie


----------



## guider

so moving, it puts into words just how I'm feeling and I'm only just starting out on this painful journey.
Not brave enough to send it on to anyone else yet as I am only just about to go for the first appointment next week.
I'm so happy to see that there is something that I might be able to pass onto people to explain just how I am feeling


----------



## Cate1976

I wish my boss could see it.


----------



## lesbo_mum

I just watched this a cried so much... people say to me and my partner we dont have a infertility problem were just gay so we have chosen to create our own problem...... but i still feel like that video fitted us so well..... mad i know!


----------



## Cate1976

lesbo_mum: Just want to say good luck with your tx. Empty Arms is powerful. There's very few people who've managed all 5 of the things on the picture with the bridge.


----------



## maineowner

Just beautiful!  I've sent this on to my family and close friends.  It somehow puts how I'm feeling into context.

Thank you


----------



## tissyblue

So long as you have at least one person who asks how your treatment is going (and is genuinely interested in your answer) then you can get through this.

Don't be afraid to confide in your friends - you might be surprised though as to which friends are the most/least supportive - I certainly was.


----------



## Cate1976

tissyblue said:


> Don't be afraid to confide in your friends - you might be surprised though as to which friends are the most/least supportive - I certainly was.


So true, there's someone at church who has been amazing, i thought she'd be the one to say that if God wanted us to ahve Lo's he'd have let me get pg. Instead she's been really supportive down putting her arm round me at a dedication December 2007 and letting me  on her shoulder during it. Whenever I've turned to her or she's seen the look I have on bad days has always had soemthing comforting to say.


----------



## Mimisdream

beautiful, exactly how Im feeling


----------



## hayley1406

Thought this was very moving and dont think many people would of had dry eyes, Im definately sending this one on to some friends not because there being insensitive just so they understand a little more of what is happening in our lives right now.


----------



## rushdengal

Just watched this and I'm in tears, I've been trying for two years and am due to start IUI, i feel like I'm at the beginning compared to so many of you, but the last few months have been so hard.  I'm tempted to send this to a few friends to get them to realise just how much this is affecting me but feel guilty that i might upset them and I'm not sure I'm really up to talking to them about it anyway.  I don't want to seem so dramatic to them but i don't think they realise it's something that i think about everyday.  I'll have to think what to do.


----------



## Lou F ❁

I would send it and then see what happens, u might find rather than ask you about it they may just leave it and wait for you to mention it, i sent it to my family and freinds a few years ago, i got a few texts but it soon got forgot  
Lots of luck and i hope that FF helps you when you need it am sure it will.
lol
Lou xx


----------



## cherrycake

The tears are pouring and won't stop - this is us.  I feel like sending this to all our friends and family that have been and are revelling in being pregnant all around us.


----------



## MandyC

Just watched the video Empty Arms and now have very sore eyes.  Its amazing how something can sum up exactly how you feel in such a short time.  Beautiful video and one which will be in my mind for a while xx


----------



## Smirnoff

Excellent.  Captures everything.  Makes me feel normal under the circumstances.

Want to send it to my Mum after her recent insensitivities but wont because she will think Im wallowing in self pity!

xx


----------



## Tiny21

I sent it to several people, I also sent the pages from here ( I think it was here) for family and friends - I thought they were worded very well and I know that people didn't/don't know what to say, and though I was/am really lucky in that our families and friends have been great and very sensitive, I thought it might help them and I think it did. xx


----------



## LDW

God, that one's a tearjerker!   
Very good though. Says everything that we've all wanted to say to friends/family.
But I still think it's a situation you need to have experienced to even come close to understanding.
X


----------



## IGWIN79

I just cryed the hole way through that , everything you need to say to people is there


----------



## Mistletoe (Holly)

It is the sort of thing that gets us girls crying from the moment it starts and says it all. It is so difficult to explain the pain of waiting and waiting and longing for something that other people seem to find so easy to achieve. 
They do not understand the loss or the grief as to them it is something we never had so there is nothing tangible to grieve for. According to their logic there is still a chance of achievement if we just try this or that. 
They do not understand how life goes by and how time is running out. How the risks increase. The emotion of finding out as husband and wife that you will never have a genetic child together, ever. 
'Just relax' they say. 'So and so had a baby naturally after 11 years of trying' - so bloody what? If there are sealed fallopian tubes and no sperm whatsoever, however much one relaxes it will not happen.
Just go and have IVF then - not so simple if you can't afford it and are excluded from the NHS by a partners previous child, or one partner is not willing to have the only treatment left available - a donor.
Then there is the physical, financial, emotional and dedication there is to even get started on IVF. Then what if it doesn't work? What if it works and then miscarries, or works and the baby is abnormal?
We can't just "try again next month".

This is a long and painful journey with no guarantees. We will resolve our infertility one day, somehow and be stronger for it. The truth is though, I never wanted to find out what was behind the closed door of infertility - because it is so hard and so painful and has taken over my thoughts and actions completely and totally for 9 years. I'd rather not have ever known what it was like. But I hope as a result I can be sympathetic and stick up for all of those finding out now what is behind that door.


----------



## DizziSquirrel

Hopefull Hazel  
I understand your words completely hun


----------



## sofia38

this video is a reminder of how the journey brings the couple closer together and how a relationship can grow and become stronger.  i feel that way since we have been on failed IVF.


----------



## therulerette15

People who can get pregnant at the drop of a hat will never understand that but it was like putting all my own thoughts and feelings into a short film.

Since we have been trying my younger sister has had a baby and is now pregnant with another and my sister in law has also had a baby who is now 18 months old . . . that's the hardest thing in the world.  You want to be happy for them but it's just so difficult!!


----------



## lana69

What a beautiful video....it just says it all.  I cried all the way through it.


----------



## bearinmind

This is how I feel.  I will send this to my family but I know they still will never understand.  

Empty arms is something that you have to live to understand.  We have only been trying for 2 years or so
we only found each other so late in life and we wonder if we will have enough time to have our miracle.  

Sometimes I wish I could just help them understand so they would stop with the "helpful" comments.  
I wonder if my heart can take another comment like "it will happen just relax"  "can you see the embryos when they fall out" this comment day after ET 
"you need to relax, people who relax can have babies" are they saying it is my fault?  
"Are you prepared for next week when you fail?"  

We will have our little miracle and our empty arms will be filled with love.  We all have so much love to give, we must have faith we will have our child.  

Empty Arms is amazing, I wonder about the person who created it.


----------



## Troodles

So beautiful, I cried my eyes out!


----------



## clairenandrew

wow, i am crying after watching that video. it says everything really and i will definitely be forwarding it to a few select people.

thanks for posting it on here 

x claire


----------



## pinkbabe

wow, so emotional, sincere, strong, and descibes the journey to the core   x


----------



## *Rose*

wow  that said it all. DP shoulder was wet through.

Thank you as this should help with the understanding.xxx


----------



## MissE

So beautiful. Just describes the journey exactly. I cried the whole way through. Thanks for posting it here


----------



## diannaK

I have just watched this with my beautiful 3mnth old DD by my side sleeping and feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity after all these yrs to be a mummy. She is our miracle and I marvel every day at my good fortune hoping that all of you out there get to experience it too.

DiannaK


----------



## estheroreilly

Beautiful, feel honoured to have shared your journey so far, I understand what your going through, my heart breaks everyday, so glad u have eachother.


----------



## Willmer83

I have just watched Empty Arms - I cried the whole way through, it says everything that I have wanted to say to my friends and family.


----------



## rainbowfish

i can't believe how moving this is, it's all the feelings i'm afraid to share with so many people i care about........


----------



## Ginger Baby

I am new to this site.  Just watched this link and cried my eys out.  Truely moving and beautiful.  Going to show it to my mam next time shes donw at my house.

Ginger Baby


----------



## Sniff

So true & so moving


----------



## chatterbox44

So true, it has made me cry so much !!


----------



## tegg

still sniffing here, beautiful it is so lonely when all around there seems to be friends and family with children and there is only that ache... i have made excuses not to do somethings as it hurts the heart so much..


----------



## Guest

I have just watched Empty Arms, and it's put together beautifully, it's just how we feel.............

My mum has watched it and it made her cry.


I was wondering if we are able to put a link to the page on my ******** profile to make more people aware?


Many thanks xx


----------



## ballerina15

made me cry...but brought me hope too


----------



## becksmk76

WOW! If my family knew I was going through IVF I would send this to them. After 12 years I have stopped talking about it as they just don't get it.. They just think I am being moody and need to get over myself!!!!
Thank you for this post it just helps to remind me that it is okay to be sad from time to time, and to be patient!


----------



## DizziSquirrel

beck  I know what your saying hun, theres a thread on Chit chat for those of us TTC over ten years, 
your welcome to find it and say hi 
I found 10/12 years in really tough


----------



## sarahlee

whats the song called in the video i love it and want it on my ipod


----------



## DizziSquirrel

Sarah lee 
I think its this called "tonight" by Monica Schroeder http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/monicas2
/links


----------



## sarahlee

thankyou dizzisquirrel,


----------



## foreverhopeful29

hi , 
I've just joined yesterday and its truly moving, made me cry. Have been trying for 2.5 years and know others may have been trying for longer. Hats off to them who have had the courage to survive and I hope I too will be able to make it thru these times. 
Cheers


----------



## Cate1976

and   for all of you going through the heartache of fertility problems.  Empty Arms is very moving.  My fave slide is the one with the bridge saying that those going through IF need love, support, understanding, shoulder to cry on and I can't remember the fifth.  A good friend of mine gave me 2 pieces of advice after the IF hit me, given on different days, the first being to find something positive to focus on took me a couple of days but when I thought about it I came up with a few things.  The other piece of advice was to find a way through it, for me it was laying down listening to worship music.


----------



## Lou Lou 32

What a moving video, they were so brave to put that together and I hope so much that they have the family they dreamed of soon.  

I feel a bit of a fraud as my experience has not been that long and I have so much respect and admiration for everyone on here who have been through so much.  I know that one way or another I will have a family and it will be amazing and special, even more so as a result of the journey to get there. But I do feel so terribly sad, every day, it's hard to get up and do the every day things when I feel they mean so little.  And I feel a sense of loss for what I don't have right now and the fact that I don't know when it will all end.  

What hurts is that my friends and family don't acknowledge it, when they talk about whether to have another baby or stick at the two they've got.  I don't want them not to talk about these things, I just want them to acknowledge how I feel, without me asking. I'm sure it's hard for them but I don't want to be responsible for their feelings too.

Sorry for being so self indulgent, but I really needed to say it and this seemed the best place.

I wish everyone the best of luck and hope to keep reading more of the success stories everyday.  

Lou xxx


----------



## Cate1976

BFP's and birth announcements are hard. DH and I go to a very family orientated cross community church and there were so many pg and birth announcements as well as a few from family before we got our BFP. We were fortunate that our church family were really supportive though. My family was great as well. I hope and   that you get a BFP.


----------



## K8O

the link is on the empty arms thread (3rd from the top on the Intros and Starting Out thread)


----------



## Nathalie 2010

I have just taken time out to sit quietly and watch Empty Arms.  What a wonderful video full of emotion reflecting how lonely infertility can be, but with FF such emotion is shared and discussed on a variety of forums and from this we take strength.  

Nathalie


----------



## Rattray32

OH MY GOD,
That was so sad and so true. its good to now im not the only one who feels like that!!!
Think i might have to send to everyone i know just so they understand that when i sometimes dont want to do things ts not because im an antisocial moody cow its because i cant cope with playing happy families with everyone else.
passme the tissues


----------



## DizziSquirrel




----------



## HOPEx

What a fantastic video... Sometimes its so hard to explain to people how you are feeling and why.. The video is spot on, and really explains things well, to hopefully help friends and family what we are going through.... Fantastic.. Thank you xx


----------



## Reaching for a star

cried my eyes out, it is just a perfect video that is like reading me like a book!! So fitting to how we are feeling emotionally, all the things that people ask is just soo true and all we want is someone to listen and a big


----------



## Ginger Baby

Reaching for a star    love your name.  Sending you great big     .  I kept thinking about posting empty arms onto to my ******** page so that people can undertstand what its like for us.  But just not that brave.

Ginger Baby


----------



## Reaching for a star

Ginger Baby, me neither plus they are not friends i want to know these personal details..........Awe thanks bout the name i chose it for obvious reasons!! Hoping and praying one day i will have my little star xxx


----------



## Ginger Baby

Reaching for a Star,  I know what you mean about ******** cos some people can just be mean about things.

Ginger Baby    
Ps I chose ginger baby cos i am a ginger and my DH's hair has hints of ginger in it so one day I hope we have a little ginger baby !!!


----------



## BelleBecker

Moments ago I just viewed a link posted byDizzy called 'Empty Arms' as a link which would enable other people to understand how upsetting infertility is. In short the clip was a series of depressing images, captions and music about how a couple cried in each others arms when they were told that they were infertile. 

Personally I wouldn't know if others were unsympathetic to infertility or not as it would feel strange to discuss that part of mine and my husbands private life with others. My assumption however would be that on the whole people are sympathetic with this cause. 

What I like about this site is that in general everybody is in the same boat and trying to achieve one common goal. That being said i find the posters on here with a minimal exception to be hugely positive. I couldn't watch the whole thing through as I am trying to be positive about my fertility problem. My aim isn't to get sympathy off people or for them to understand how sad I am. Im here for advice from others in a similar situation to mine to enable me to achieve my goal.

I might add this is only my opinion, I certainly do not demand people agree with me but would hope that some people might. 

Love Belle xx


----------



## angelgel40

I can't believe how simple but moving that is...   I can't stop crying now!
It really does just sum up the journey so far....and I am really in the middle of mine.

Angelgel40

Love to all xxx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Beautiful! 
Simple yet affective.... and says how I am sure we all feel.
Sat here      Oh dear!


----------



## Sugarlips

Sobbing! Its just sums up exactly what we hve bein going through & how much it really hurts. I may hve to tell people to watch it rather than send it as the people I kno wld like it have bein supportive, but this really will show them how much our hearts are breaking. 

Thank u for the video. xx


----------



## babyjoy

omg i jsut cried buckets after watching that, it says everything i feel and everthing i wish i could say to friends and family especially when u hear the ''relax it will happen '' people really needto walk a mile in ur shoes to know how u feel .  thanks for posting x


----------



## lilyc

Interesting, i didnt dare post this at the beginning of my journey as I seemed to be the only one who didn't like this montage, but my thoughts were along same lines as Belle's...I personally didn't like it finding it  unhelpful in trying to stay positive. I tried my very best not to focus on IF as it wasn't what defines me...those that know me best understood to the best of their ability what we were going through, but u can never truly know the pain of IF until u r dealing with it and Empty Arms I didnt think would change that. 

When I watched this at the beginning of our journey I remember thinking I must be odd for not liking it as many many people clearly are touched by it. I remember worrying was I weird as I didn't like it, wouldnt have dreamed of sending it to anyone. Thought by posting this it might reassure others who feel unsure about it. 

This is just my opinion though and we all deal with things in different ways, which is what makes life interesting. X


----------



## Sheilaweb

I have just watched this for the first time, and omg I'm crying buckets....
crying over the uncertainty that infertility brings
crying over the hopes and dreams that get shattered and broken along the way
crying over the way going through treatment puts soo much pressure on you as a woman, and you as a couple

but most of all, I can cry tears of absolute joy when you realise your dream after soo many years of pain and sorrow...
...as if being a Mammy isn't magical enough, it's made all the more wonderful by the heartache you've gone through to achieve it, and it certainly makes you all the more appreciative of the miracle you hold in your arms, the miracle you feed, cuddle, nuture and love.

The journey can be sooo hard, but OMG it's sooo worthwhile when you're walking on air.
It's 2 years today since I got my BFP, and I count my blessings and thank my luck stars every time I look into my beautiful daughters eyes.

Am wishing everyone all the very best for your respective 'journies'

Sheila


----------

