# 45 old and depressed, Please Help Me



## redcajun (Jul 9, 2007)

(Hello guys it has been awhile since I been to the site, I made my 45th BD in September and my husband and I are exhausted.  We took a break from the medications but have kept up with the ultra sounds.  I have heard I am just too old.  My last FSH and LH was last week which were FH 6 LH 3.  They also did a follicle count and it was good too.  Please please someone out here help me even if it is just listening.  My husband has no children and is 34 we have been married for  1year and 6 month.  Guys my husband is against donor eggs and I have not tried IVF but now I am considering it but I am running out of time.

Has anyone on here every heard of someone 45 years of age having a successful IVF with their own eggs?  If my FSH is good why can't I conceive on my own; any experience to share.  Has anyone did the donor egg at 45 or older and how did you feel about the baby once it was born, was there any difference?  Did you love the baby as your own..  Please Help me...Red Cry


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## ashjee (Oct 28, 2007)

Hi hun 
so sorry to hear that ur feeling so down just now, i am 44 and been ttc for over 5years now my husband is also younger than me and has no children.at first he was dead against donor egg but now he has agreed. I feel ok with it as i have had 3 children bya previous rship, so my genetic material is on planet earth already, I think it may be a good idea to have a look at IM cycle buddies hun there are lotsssssss of women on there who are going through the donor route and who openly discuss their feelings abt it all. But one thing is for certain hun you have to pick urself up and go forward as i believe that your chances are doomed if your not able to be positive abt things. Sorry if this sounds like a sermon but i wish you well

Love ashjee


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## redcajun (Jul 9, 2007)

Thanks so much for the cheer up.  I just so da%%@#@$ with my body and it really brings on the reality that I am getting old.  My husband is Muslim so Donor Eggs is something he is not crazy about.  I even suggested to him to have a second wife.  At this point I just don't want him to miss out on his opportunity to be a father.  I have my own children from my prior marriage.  I am considering going to this clinic in Barcalona.  Have you hear anything about that.


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## Violet66 (Dec 28, 2007)

Hello there 
Thought I would send you a reply as I know that this section of FF isn't as widely used as some of the others. 
I'm 41 years old and (like yourself) get depressed about my age and the fact that time is running out for me. However I'm single and have no other children. 
It does sound like you are in a tizz about this at the moment - perhaps more so than your husband? He knew your age when he married you and the fact that you already had a family so I imagine that having children wasn't his priority - otherwise he wouldn't be with you would he? 
Your FSH levels are good - have you ever had the AMH test? That is apparently more of a defining test as it tells you the quality of your eggs as well as the number. A good FSH level is very encouraging but it's not the be all and end all. At the end of the day you still have 45 year old eggs, so although they may be plentiful they are likely to not be of great quality.
  My advise would be to forget about IVF with your own eggs because the chances of it being successful are virtually nil. Really hope that doesn't sound harsh - but I do get angry that so many clinics offer desperate women false hope by taking them on and taking their money when they know there is no chance of success. 
In my opinion, any clinic that offers a 45.5 year old woman IVF with her own eggs is not a reputable practice. There is a very good reason why most UK clinics have a cut off of 43years old. 
If your husband won't consider to donor egg option could you look into adoption? 
The fertility specialist that I saw told me that the best way for 'mature' women to get pregnant is to keep trying naturally as treatments such as IVF, Clomid etc are not really successful after the age of 42. 
I've also been told that an older woman has a much better chance of pregnancy with younger sperm - so you're ok there.
I really hope you get what you want but it does sound like you are panicking because you feel you owe your younger husband a child. I'm sure he loves and adores you for who you are.


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## ashjee (Oct 28, 2007)

OH honey 
My husband is a muslim too and ive been exactly where you are now (and its not a nice place) but i convinced my husband that if he loves me enough that DE would be a apossible way forward for us otherwise i would have to release him from our nikah cuz ur right its unfair if he hasnt got children but what abt you?? what are your needs? you have to consider your needs to! Sorry again a sermon but ur story is so like my ownwith DE it will still be HIS genes. hope that you find a way forward! Is your husband religious? Are you muslim too? If yhou dont mind me asking are you white/english?

Me and my DH had our 1st apt at IM in barcelona in dec and im now on the pill so if you need anything please just ask me? 

My heart goes out to you 
Ashjee


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## Kazzie (Aug 6, 2005)

Hi Redcajun

I feel *so much* for you...I'm 47 and I haven't given up....yet. As someone suggested you could have your AMH tested - I know the GCRM clinic (Glasgow) can do this test and _may_ treat you if you get a good result but I don't want to raise your hopes or mislead you so perhaps ring them first to discuss as I did - they were really helpful. Or maybe there is clinic closer to you that will do this. The doctor told me (kindly) that the only reason I was pursuing fertility at my age was psychological and I was probably seeking closure. Well she was probably right but and stubbornly I haven't given up yet!..there was someone here - Nuala - who conceived naturally at 45/46 after 2 failed IVF - so it is possible - but unlikely (she tried chinese medicine and preseed amongst other things as I remember - Nuala are you there?). Regarding DE: I have the same questions as you and I had to deal with not conceiving with my own eggs before I could start to consider that ...but I can't leave it much longer. It would be good for both of us probably to speak with women here who have gone through the DE route or read that thread. I found this link quite interesting from FF: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=128265.0
Also, I remember watching a series about fertility with Prof Robert Winston and one woman who had DE did have a few doubts when pregnant but the minute the baby was born she was overjoyed and completely in love with the baby and it was definately HER baby!
Like lots of us I like to read as much as possible and search on the internet when I can't find solutions. This site is great too - I'm sure someone mentioned this book 'Rewinding Your Biological Clock - motherhood late in life' by Richard J Paulson (American) I got it second hand on Amazon. It covers IVF and DE but haven't read enough yet to give an opinion. Sorry for rambling on so much just wanted to get this post off to you to let you know you are not alone ..... 
K


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## MrsOgotherbabies (Jun 17, 2007)

Redcajun

I have a friend who just did DEIVF...She is 55 and now pregnant with twins
If you go to http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=129608.0
It is the Reprofit thread in the czech republic. Most of the girls on there are doing 
DE and will answer any ?s you have..Also with yoiur numbers as good as they are
they would probably have no problem letting you use your own eggs
Here is their web site http://www.reprofit.cz/index.php?_lang_set_id=2

Hope this helps...Christina


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## redcajun (Jul 9, 2007)

Hello Violet,

No, you were no harsh at all and provided me with sound advise. I also share in the feelling that IVF is not something I really want to do. First of all the needles bother me.



Violet66 said:


> Hello there
> Thought I would send you a reply as I know that this section of FF isn't as widely used as some of the others.
> I'm 41 years old and (like yourself) get depressed about my age and the fact that time is running out for me. However I'm single and have no other children.
> It does sound like you are in a tizz about this at the moment - perhaps more so than your husband? He knew your age when he married you and the fact that you already had a family so I imagine that having children wasn't his priority - otherwise he wouldn't be with you would he?
> ...


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## redcajun (Jul 9, 2007)

Kazzie said:


> Hi Redcajun
> 
> I feel *so much* for you...I'm 47 and I haven't given up....yet. As someone suggested you could have your AMH tested - I know the GCRM clinic (Glasgow) can do this test and _may_ treat you if you get a good result but I don't want to raise your hopes or mislead you so perhaps ring them first to discuss as I did - they were really helpful. Or maybe there is clinic closer to you that will do this. The doctor told me (kindly) that the only reason I was pursuing fertility at my age was psychological and I was probably seeking closure. Well she was probably right but and stubbornly I haven't given up yet!..there was someone here - Nuala - who conceived naturally at 45/46 after 2 failed IVF - so it is possible - but unlikely (she tried chinese medicine and preseed amongst other things as I remember - Nuala are you there?). Regarding DE: I have the same questions as you and I had to deal with not conceiving with my own eggs before I could start to consider that ...but I can't leave it much longer. It would be good for both of us probably to speak with women here who have gone through the DE route or read that thread. I found this link quite interesting from FF: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=128265.0
> Also, I remember watching a series about fertility with Prof Robert Winston and one woman who had DE did have a few doubts when pregnant but the minute the baby was born she was overjoyed and completely in love with the baby and it was definately HER baby!
> ...


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## ♥Tamsin♥ (Jun 29, 2004)

Hi there Red,

Just wanted to send you some 
I'm 40.5 and like you, still have good FSH and LH readings.  I'm intending to have these checked again, but this time have the AMH and E2 tests added in.  
I think I'm offically known as sub-fertile, as I have conceived naturally 4 times in the past - sadly though all have gone on to m/c 
I'm not convinced I need IVF, but at the same time, Dr's don't seem keen on helping me to TTC naturally either, i.e. there must be other tests they can do, that can determie why I've conceived with no problem in the past, but now can't?  Maybe the BMI is still an issue for them?

Anyhow, we've got no choice at this stage but to keep on TTC Naturally, as my BMI is too high for IVF - we are currently working on getting this down, so at least I have more options available to me.

 with whatever route you choose

Tamsin
xx


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## Kazzie (Aug 6, 2005)

Hi Redcajun
just wondered how you are..........
Kazzie


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