# Newbie facing moving on...



## Kimba9407 (Feb 12, 2015)

Hello everyone!

I'm new to the forum. My therapist suggested checking it out but I've been hesitant because it's so emotional. So this is very new! Hubby and I have always wanted kids and have had names picked for as long as I can remember.  We've been together over 20 years now.  We tried several rounds of infertility treatments and I got the good 'ole PCOS/unexplained infertility diagnosis.  We had a chemical pregnancy from IUI then tried IVF and miscarried at 9 weeks. We got 26 eggs, 16 fertilized, and only the one was good enough to transplant. We later learned that she had trisomy 16.  That was in 2010, our little girl would beturning 4 next month.  

My cycle started changing last year and I went to a gyn who suggested I'm peri-menopausal so I went back to my reproductive doc for testing.  Everything checked out OK to try another round of IVF but the chance of success is very, very low. And I turn 43 in a few weeks after which they won't do IVF with my own eggs.  In my head I know that having kids at this point in our life isn't the best decision for us anyway but my heart doesn't care. So we are facing the fact that we are never going to have kids of our own. It's very lonely and overwhelming.  I also have Bipolar 2 disorder and unfortunately the combination of unresolved feelings from the miscarriages and the grief of giving up on my dreams of being a mom has triggered a depressive episode.

So there's the short version of my story. Taking things one day at a time, but dreading my birthday next month...


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## Lilly83 (Jan 19, 2012)

Hello

So sorry to hear how you are feeling, I am on cycle number 4 and have a POF diagnosis myself, your loss must have been so tough i'm sorry. I have attached some links you might find useful and I'm sure more people will be along in the morning

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Unexplained ~*CLICK HERE

*PCOS ~ *CLICK HERE

*POF / Early Menopause ~ * CLICK HERE

*TTC over 40 ~ *CLICK HERE[/b]

*Moving On - Deciding & Accepting ~* CLICK HERE 

L xx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

good luck if you do decide to have one last shot at ivf    


signed

goldbunny, 44, blessed owner of a 10 month old baby 20+ years into a relationship with unexplained IF, after three cycles of IVF including a 12week scan(9week mmc) miscarriage from her only other pregnancy.

x


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## wendycat (Nov 18, 2006)

Hi Kimba


I'm Bi polar 2 as well    I can absolutely connect to what you are saying. I'm just about to turn 37 and my DH is 47 so the closer we get to 40, the more we feel it might not be the right decision to keep trying. This is our twelfth year of trying; in the 2ww of our 5th cycle of treatment having been through a stillbirth at over 27 weeks and two miscarriages at 8 weeks. We think we will do one more cycle in all honesty, and then call it a day. I find it so hard to manage the depression with the huge trigger of IF too, but have a great support system and FF has been an absolute god send.


I wanted to wish you well xxx


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## Greyhoundgal (Oct 7, 2013)

Kimba - just wanted to send you a hug  and say that I empathise with your feeling of time running out. So sorry to read about your loss. I too have PCO / unexplained diagnosis  I wouldn't ever want to give you false hope but I think if you want to do more with OE then perhaps look around at alternative clinics to the one you're using? For certain it is more difficult after 40 but not impossible (see Goldbunny  ). Why not have a look on the over 40s boards for some support as to where ladies are cycling (link above in Lillys post) And also some over 40 success stories too here:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=59854.0

Good luck with your journey whichever way it takes you.

Grey x


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## Kimba9407 (Feb 12, 2015)

Thank you so much for the replies. It helps to know that I'm not so alone in the world. I mean, I knew I wasn't but haven't "met" anyone. 

I have so many mixed feelings right now. DH has said that he doesn't want to watch me go through the IVF again but I think he will support whatever I want to do. Which is also hard because sometimes I think he says what he thinks I want to hear. The odds of it working are below 20% and I'm not sure it's worth the expense and physical and emotional toll that it takes for that small of a chance. Factor in our age, risks of birth defects or miscarriage, our lifestyle (come and go whenever we want), etc... it's not logical to go through it all again to fulfill what sometimes feels like a selfish need to be a mom and get my little boy or girl.  My faith is pretty shaky these days but I still think that God must have some kind of plan for me, but I have no idea what it is. Maybe we are just being spared the fears of bringing a child into this crazy world.  Sometimes it just feels so overwhelming.

Thank you for the links, especially the acronyms!


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## Shoegirl10 (Dec 24, 2011)

Welcome and lots of       

The girls on this forum are amazing so please ask questions
xxx


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