# Adoption Virgins 2008 part 2



## ♥ M J ♥

New home ladies and Gents

Good luck to all

xxx

[info] Hi Ladies and Gents

Please take note of the following info (Posts will be edited by a mod/admin if it is felt needed)
Fertility Friends is a public site and can be accessed by anyone. We would like to remind you that all posts 'must' be discreet when it comes to discussing what is involved in the process, particularly the home study part.
[/info]


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## NuttyJo

lol spaykay! you have made me laugh so much, something thats rare at the moment! thanks chick


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## Spaykay

Have good hols Nicky!

JO - I sent you 100 credits then realised that you're not a charter memeber so can't use them anyway...well, it's the thought that counts!!!  

I see that my combine harvester lyrics pushed onto a new thread! YAY we're on number 2!

Kay xxx


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## epona

Hi all,

Now that we have had our first home visit form the SW I feel elligible to join this thread, not that I have not been reading it anyway. The visit went well, the SW was really nice, very friendly and put us both at ease, all in all quite a good experience. We both feel quite excited now about moving forward and doing something positive with our lives both for ourselves and whoever may come into it. After years of stagnation going through IVF it good to see a way forward. Next stop the preparation course and we were told to expect to hear about this in about a month, as we are going away for a fortnight between now and then the timing sounds just about right.

Looking forward to talking to you all
Epona


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## Spaykay

welcome to the thread epona

Kay xxx


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## Nefe

Hi All

Can i join you too? We are currently going through our homestudy and we have a panel date booked for August  

Hope you are all ok?

Nefe
x


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## Spaykay

Welcome Nefe

Kay xxx


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## Suzie

Welcome Nefe and Epona  

 with your journeys 

Bring on tuesday  Sw coming and should give us a panel date 

xx


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## NuttyJo

welcome everyone   and lots of luck to all  

suzie lots of luck for tuesday!    

when you start homestudy do they normally give you a panel date at the start of it?  

hows everyone else doing?

jo xxx


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## Suzie

Im not sure about if everyone gets a panel date when they start home study, the others should be able to tell you that. 
Things are a little different for us as we have little man already here 

I think when we went through fostering process we did prep course and then after a couple of home visits we got a provisional panel date 

x


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## ♥ M J ♥

Hi

We had a "guide" panel date and it got put back by 11days due to us moving house!

xxx


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## NuttyJo

ok thank you! am getting nervous now!! 

xxx


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## Spaykay

hello lasses and lad

suzie -   for tuesday!

kay xxx


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## Nefe

Hi All

Suzie good luck for tomorrow and hope your Panal Date is really soon.  

Epona- Glad your first home visit went well?

Our SW said quite early on that they were going to get the date booked in as it gets busy so am unsure it is is standard process.

Nefe
xx


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## Tibbelt

Where'd everyone go?  

Hope everyone ok and that you all had a lovely bank holiday! We were busy decorating but it's been worth the hard work as hte house is almost finished now! Just got to choose a new carpet for the hall and we're done!!!  Phew!  

Jo - have you started HS now? Hope the first appointments have gone well   It's an exciting time isn't it? As you feel like you're really on your way!

Kay - hope all's well with you honey and that you're feeling better honey  

Suzie - great that you've been allocated a SW! Hope they get everything sorted quickly for you and they you can get to panel asap  

Epona - glad your first visit went well! Have you done your prep course yet? Hope the journey is moving swiftly for you! 

Nefe - welcome to the boards! Here's hoping Augst comes round quickly for you!

MJ - hope all's good with you and your little ones! 

Fee - you too honey, hope you and your family are all well  

Nicky - hope you're enjoying your holiday (I'm not jealous at all!!!!    )

Mr Cheese - hope all's good with you and Mrs Cheese!

Hello to anyone I've missed!  

All's good with us, as I said we were busy decorating all weekend (in fact poor DH is still off work and upa ladder painting!!!) but at least we weren't missing any sunshine!   Hope this weekend is better as we've got family staying and we have outdoor stuff planned!
HS feels like it is pretty much finished and we're busy going through the paperwork and signing all the different parts of Form F off... feels amazing to think we're finally getting near to panel - 4 weeks and 6 days today... not that I'm counting!!!    

have a good day all
lots of love
Sarah
xx


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## CathE

HI Everyone
I took some time out for a while but back agin.
Sarah thanks for your pm - sorry I hadn't replied sooner.

Well I'm in a quandry! I had a lovely initial visit from a sw and then had the open evening which was great. We were told to wait until our sw had called us before we wrote a letter to the head sw to get into the June classes. 
3 weeks went by and heard nothing so I 'phoned and the sw thought she'd already phoned us!! So now we've missed the deadline for June and can't get in until Sept!   I don't know whether I should change and go with a local VA now. We would like a sibling group of 2, preferably one under 4 but ideally both - I'm not bothered but I think dh would like 2 under 5's. I was devasted and felt very let down. I've heard good things about this LA and a bad experience too but have been highly recommended by a friend about this VA. 
I just don't know what to do!! 
Love Cath xx


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## Spaykay

Cath - that is very frustrating indeed and very norty of them   You'd've thought that as it was their fault they could've squeezed you in grrrrrrrrr...

Kay xxx


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## daisyboo

hello all hows things more good news in the offing i see, and a couple of new people brill, well had an email from SW today she is now saying we may go to panel in August not september, need to talk to her as she said there were no panel dates in August,
anyone know about intro's  something she said about our dog is there anyone to look after it for a few weeks while you are doing intro's do we need to be tsking full weeks off, as we have a hol booked in sept for 2 weeks now i'm thinking of canceling it just in case?
oh and i know i shouldn't have but i have been out and bought the cutest teddy bear you have ever seen, i couldn't resist it's now in hiding in my wardrobe,


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## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ladies

Hope your all well- thinking of you all

I cant believe our 2 have been home for a month now! its flown over- DH has been back at work for just over a week now and things are great! 

Cath- yes the VA could approve you however they dont have their own "children" as such they get the harder to place ones so if your not a white british coupld then jump with a VA! (hope i dont offend anyone with my wording!   )

Daisy- for intros you need to take the while time off plus i would advise also 2weeks off from when a child comes home- my DH and i did 12days of intros and my dh took 4full weeks plus 2days (our intros started ina  thurs!)

xxxxxxxxx


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## NuttyJo

hi everyone

sorry for going awol for a few days, i needed some head space and time to think things through and thought it was time i faced up to things. i have decided i cannot carry on with this line of things as i still feel the ttc side is unfinished. it wouldnt be fair to the agency, the children placed with us and also to ourselves if i ignored these feelings and carried on. still need to call the sw and explain but am worried they will cross us off their lists forever   

i wanted to wish you all lots of luck for your journeys and i may be back sometime in the future.

thank you all for taking care of me here and for all the wonderful advice you gave me.

jo xxx


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## Tibbelt

just a v. quick post as I'm between meetings but wanted to send you a big, big   Jo and to say all the best. Don't worry too much about talking to your SW - from my experience they value honesty and your being self aware more than anything. I know a couple of people how have put the adoption process on hold because of not feeling 'finished' with treatment, one of them went on to adopt and the other is still trying IVF. Explain to your SW how you feel  and talk about the fact that you know that these feelings wouldn't be fair on a child placed with you and that you need feel 110% committed to adoption to take it further and I'm absolutely sure they will understand - after all the fact that you are thinking of the children shows great awareness and care  . If you do decide to progress adoption later they will ask you about if you now feel ready  etc but you'll at least have given yourself the time to decide if it is right for you.

Wishing you the best of luck in everything and in getting your family, which ever route you end up in.
Lots of love
Sarah
xxx
p.s. hello to everyone else - sorry will catch up with posts later! lol to all xx


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## crusoe

Jo
I think the S/w's will respect your decision and honesty. It is far, far better to do what you are doing now than to carry on but feeling uneasy and unsure about adoption.
I am quite sure they wouldn't strike you off their lists forever but would welcome you back in the future if you had resolved the feelings you currently have.
Good luck with the path you choose.
Love Crusoe
x


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## Dee Jay

hi, 
hope you don't mind me joining you   

After a long and unsuccessful fertility treatment journey we are really pleased to be starting our adoption journey.

We have already attended the pre-approval training course and I have just received a letter this morning from our LA saying that we have been allocated a SW. So our homestudy begins on 5th June 2008. I am so so excited and really feel like it's the beginning of something very special.
I know I've previously chatted to some of you, but I'm looking forward to getting to know you all better in the next few months, 
take care
lol
Deborah
xxx
ps I know that this is a public site, so should I now take my piccie off my profile?


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## Spaykay

Hi there Deborah and welcome. I think your piccie will be fine! It's only piccies of any adopted kids we're not allowed to put up for protection etc. but a godson should be ok. Hope I'm right.

Jo - I'm glad you've been strong enough to take that tough decision and understand you perfectly   I hope tx works for you!

Well, I emailed an agency yesterday asking if they are opening in Madrid and for a number and they called me and have put me down for a intro meeting at 2 on Monday!   Oops, haven't even told DH I've rung!!!   Not really sure it's approriate at this stage anyway, I just wanted to visit the 3 available so I'd have an idea of which I wanted! I may go along anyway (without DH I guess) to see...or ask if they have another meeting in a few weeks. I'll explain it all in my diary...the bits I understand myself  

Kay xxx


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## HFI

Hi ladies

I too have been AWOL for a bit and I apologise.  I do still read the thread but don't always have time to post.  Anyway, I'm here now  

Epona - Welcome to Adoption Virgins.  I'm pleased to hear you've had your first home visit.  Have you got a date yet for your Prep course?

Nefe - Welcome to you too.  Great news you've got a panel date for August, not long to wait at all.

Suzie - How did Tuesday go?  I hope you've got your panel date now and it's sooner rather than later.  Let us know. 

Sarah - I too have been decorating like mad.  I think now tx is finished, it's nice to have some spare cash to spend on other things.  I've been decorating for about 7 weeks (I had alot of the house plastered) so there's been alot to do.  I'm doing the good stuff now though - accessorizing!   Hope you have a good weekend with the family.  The weather is supposed to improve  

Cath - So sorry to hear you've been messed about with your course dates.  I agree with Kay, surely they can squeeze you in since it was their mistake.  Have you asked?  My DH and I would also like a sibling group of 2, I like the idea of having a family that are blood related and have each other.  I think my DH does worry that we wouldn't enjoy the experience as much if we had 2 to begin with.  I think we'll see how things go and keep our options open.  Good luck with sorting your course dates out.

Daisyboo - Great news your panel date has been bought forward by one month, you must be really pleased.  I've got a dog too so would be interested to find out what you're told about the intros.  What sort of dog do you have?  Have you been told their could be a problem having a dog?  I do worry my dog may be too bouncy to have children around (he's a 2 year old labrador).

MJ - It's been one month since you've had your 2 little ones - I can't believe that.  Pleased to hear things are going really well for you  

Jo - I think it's fantastic you've taken time out to make a very big decision.  All the very best of luck in your journey to become a mummy  

Deborah - Welcome to the thread and good luck with your homestudy.

Hi to everyone else, I hope you've all had a good week.

I had an interview last week with the social workers that held the prep course I attended.  It went very well, it was very informal.  They asked what sort of children we would and wouldn't consider.  I now have to wait until 10th June when they will be having a meeting to discuss potential adoptive parents and available children.  If we're still approved, they will contact us to confirm the next course we need to attend (I think we're the only county that have to attend two courses before homestudy  ). The courses are 3 Thursday's that run over 3 weeks and they are happening in July.  So still got a good few weeks before we can start homestudy but at least we're moving towards our dream  

Take care all and speak soon.

Love H x


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## HFI

Kay - So sorry I missed you off my last post, your details were on the back of my piece of paper!! (I have to write everyone's details on paper before I post because there are soooo many people to remember)    Anyway, wishing you lots of luck for Monday.  I hope your meeting goes well.  Have you updated your DH yet  

H xxx


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## epona

Jo 
good luck I think you have made the right decision. We began to explore adoption two years ago but realised that we didn't feel we had explored all options to have our own biological child. The SW were really good about this. Unfortunately it did not work for us. When we came back to explore adoption at the start of this year it felt easier, it felt right and made initial discussions with the SW better as they felt that we had already thought about the pro's and con's of things and were not coming to it fresh. They respected the fact that we had taken the time to do what was right so we would have no regrets.
I wish you every success and hope the only way we see you back here is to announce successful tx.

To everybody else a quick hello and thank you for all the welcomes. We are hopiing for a course in July/August of this year but before then we get our two week summer holiday leaving tomorrow. HURRAH. We have really treated oursleves in anticipation of a reduced focus on adult holidays in the future.
Good luck to anybody with upcoming significant dates and speak to you all soon

Epona


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## NuttyJo

thank you everyone   

i want to wish you all lots of luck in your journeys, whatever stage you're at


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## Tibbelt

Thank you Jo - please do keep in touch won't you and let us know how you're doing  

HFI - oh accessorising! how lovely!!! That's definately the best bit! We've just got new carpet to put down in the hall and a new chandelier to put up (hall isn't that big - I' just like being a bit over the top!!   ) and then we're done! Can't believe it after nearly 7 years in the house! It'll all be finished just in time for 1 or 2 little ones to start and wear it out! (and I  can't wait!)... still not counting chickens until after panel  (have to say that... daren't tempt fate!  )

Kay - great news about the meeting   - I'll go and read your diary to understand more clearly (sorry - brain a bit overlaoded today!)

Epona - have a wonderful holiday!   - you do right to have one before getting going with HS, you need all the energy you can get!

MJ - talking of energy, bet oyu need loads at the moment! I can't believe your little ones have been home for a month already! Time has just flown by! Does it feel like they have always been with you or does it still feel new? Wonderful to hear you so happy being a mummy! 

Deborah - I think your pic is fine honey, it's more pics of adopted little ones which can be a problem.  Welome to the board   and congrats on getting your SW - enjoy homestudy! It can be tiring but I have to say we've enjoyed ours, it's great preparation for becoming parents!

Cath - sending you big   honey, that's such a pain about the course dates, don't you just want to   your LA sometimes! Hang on in there - time will pass quickly and you'll be doing prep before you know it!

Daisyboo - congrats on getting you panel date brough forward!  Wonderful news! You be an approved mummy to be before you know it!  

Suzie - any news on when you'll start your HS for your little one, fingers crossed it won't take long and you'll be approved and sorted in the blink of an eye!  

Crusoe - how's thing with you? Hope all's well. When are you due to be at panel? Am I right in thinking it's not long now?  

Mr Cheese -hope all's good with you and Mrs Cheese  

Fee - you too honey, hope oyu and your family are well!  

 to anyone I've missed! Hope you're all ok and have somethign nice planned for the weekend!

Well our HS is now finished!!!      - we had our last appointment with our SW today and there's just he 2nd opinion visit to do in June with her and her boss and then it's panel! We've already started getting parts of the form F through to review and sign off so it's really beginning to feel real! Am sooo excited (and a bit nervous too!)   Today's appointment was really nice as our nephews are here so it was very realxed and more of a natter over cake (made by me and our nephew and decorated with a smarties smily face!   ) and spending time playing with them! They were little stars! Am so proud of them! Well we've promised to take them out for pizza tonight as a treat so I'd better go and get ready!

Have a lovely weekend all!
lots of love
Sarah
xxx


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## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ladies

It feels like our children have always been here- i cleaned the other day and moved all toys in lounge and it looked empty! 

Tonight i have been to a friends for a cuppa once children in bed (another FFer) and it was fab! DH had a bath while i was out and i just got to be "me" and had a handbag and not a nappy bag! and then got a take away for me and DH on way home!

hope everyone is doing well

xxx


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## Spaykay

Sorry no personals but feeling a bit poorly, was a bit ill last night and it was all the rum n cokes fault!  

I have filled DH in about Monday's meeting now   and he's gonna come with me. They just give info on the coutries which should help us understand more about our decision!

Kay xxx


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## Suzie

ummm think I had a few too many rum and cokes also spaykay 

Jo - big  to you , ditto what the others have said, the sw will be glad you have been honest with how you are feeling , lots of  to you

Sarah - woo hoo on home study being finished 

Deborah - Welcome 

Sw was lovely thank goodness  She said she will probably only come about 3 or 4 times to update our fostering form F and that will be all. Dont need to go on prep course as same as fostering with a few little differences for adoption. So they are going to put us in touch with another foster carer who has adopted so we can have a chat 
She said she will bring panel date with her next time she comes which is in 2 weeks time  
Just want to get to that panel date so I can breathe again 

 and love to all
I am off to work so better get a shifty on! 

xx


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## Spaykay

I hope your panel date is soon Suzie  Luckily I don't have to take my rum n coke head to work today!


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## Spaykay

GOod job Fee...I know you're a super mum and never doubt it!
Kay xxx


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## Tibbelt

Fee - lovely to hear you enjoying being a mummy so much! And great that you're all feeling like a family, there are bound to be up and down moments (I think any parent would agree!) but you're doing a great job - don't ever forget it!  

Kay - how did your meeting go? Hope all went well - can't wait to hear all about it!    

Suzie - great that things are moving so quickly, here's hoping for a nice and quick panel date!     

MJ - great to hear that you've managed to get a bit of 'me' time! Every mummy needs it   hope you had fun!

 to everyone else - hope you all had a great weekend! 
We had a fab one - was just brilliant to have our nephews to stay and to not have to share them with anyone!   V. Good practise too, though I have to say that they were as good as gold and just a joy to be with! Our SW met them too and seemed to approve of how we look after them so that's good! AM so counting the days to panel now... still 4 weeks off but we're off on our hols for a few days at the end of next week and then I'm starting a new job when I get back so that should all keep me busy and keep those weeks ticking by1    
Hope you've all had a good start to the week  

lots of love
Sarah
xxxx


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## Spaykay

Sarah - glad you had a good meeting with the SW. Where are you off on your hols to?

Meeting was fine today, just a half hour chat about what we should expect from adopting in Ethiopia, DH was great and seemed less shocked than me at some aspects to expect (I'll put it in my diary as quite personal). They said that we were looking at a perfect time and very sensible to do so before making a final decision   I also picked up a leaflet about supporting an Ethiopian child so that in the mean time we can do what we can. Still have 2 agencies to visit though. Won't write too much cos then you won't read my diary  

Kay xxx


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## Tibbelt

Kay - glad the meeting went well   and yep - I dashed straight over to read your diary, I know from the research we did for international that there are issues you need to think about, and it's not an easy one to answer I know   But my advice, for what it's worth, would be to take your time and to do your research and do trust your gut instinct - you'll find the right answers for you   

hello to everyone else - hope you're all having a good day!
lots of love
Sarah
xxx


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## suffolklady77

Hiya just thought id say hi i was around a little while ago but was the very intial stages so didnt have much to say but due to start prep course weds so i may have stuff to talk about now  
-Gayle


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## Tibbelt

Hi Gayle, lovely to hear from you! Good luck for your prep course     - I'm sure you'll find it really useful and it makes the whole process feel like it's really underway which is great! Just be warned that on ours they did tend to paint a rather negative picture in the first couple of days - I'm convinced that they are testing your determination  so if the same happens don't be put off!  

Look forward to hearing all about it and then you'll be in homestudy before you know it!   

 to everyone else - hope you've all had a good day!
lots of love to all
Sarah
xxx


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## Spaykay

Welcome back Gayle - we're still here!  

Sarah - thanks for your message, after googling for hours I feel better and have also just remembered that 1 of the mums at school is a doc and often goes out to Ethiopia to work so I've written her a letter hoping she can give us some advice.

Kay xxx


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## Spaykay

Deborah - do you mean my palm tree in the photo? Unfortunately it is now dead as we rented out that appartment! We do have some lovely cactuses on our balcony in Madrid though!  

Kay xxx


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## NuttyJo

hi

just popping in to check how mr & mrs cheese got on yesterday?   

lots of   to everyone else 

jo xxx


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## Moppit

Hello Ladies

I was wondering if you might let me join your thread. We are currently considering adoption and are at the very beginning of the process of finding out exactly what we need to do/who we need to contact etc. I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) a year ago aged 31 and since then we have tried Egg Donation via a clinic in Barcelona twice. My DH has now been diagnosed with DNA Fragmentation in his sperm so it looks like we are both a bit useless when it comes to making babies which is heartbreaking. We are trying IVF with Donor eggs for the last time later this month but are not hopeful and want to move on positively to adoption.

Any advice you can give about the steps to take first would be hugely appreciated. I have a couple of questions too:

1. Do you contact your Local Authority first or an independent adoption agency. What is the difference and is there any advantage to contacting one over the other?

2. Once you have made initial contact and expressed interest in adoption what happens next? Is there an information evening or course you can go to, to understand the process etc?

3. Is it true that it is practically impossible to adopt babies in the UK and that most children up for adoption are 3 or older? 

4. Have any of you considered foreign adoption as an option?

Sorry for all the questions... I have found Fertility Friends a lifeline during the last year both when I was diagnosed with POF and during all our attempts at ED IVF. I am hoping the same will be true now we are thinking of moving on to adoption.

There are so many amazing and brave women on these sites!

Moppit x


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## ♥ M J ♥

HI

Welcome to the adoption virgins, i will try and answer your questions the best i can

1-You can contact any LA (local auth-social services) or VA (voluntary agency) within a 50mile radius of your home and its you choice which one you go with.

2-Each LA/VA works differantly however for me personally we emailed our LA,they rang me and spoke for 30mins, sent me a form out to complete and then come out and did a "screening visit" after this visit they rang to confirm we could go on to prep course with them.

3-under6month old are very very very rare however under 3yrs are not, my 2 were both under 3 when we found out about them and one of ours turned 3 just the month before we met them

4-no- only because the time scale is longer as you have to go through the same process as you do for uk aoption plusyou have to pay for it all- for us it took just over 15months from starting the process to us finding out about our 2!

Hope this helps you

xx


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## crusoe

Moppit - I remember you from the IM thread. I am sorry things haven't worked out for you yet.
I have PM'd you with some info re. adoption.

Love and luck
Crusoe
x


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## suffolklady77

Hi thanks for the big Wb we had first day of prep course yesteday and it wasnt so bad although the day before we had a letter saying the sw wants to meet with us about somehting on our checks but she is on holiday so no one can tell us what   now hubbys scared he ex has said something awefull and they wont let us .I hope its not all up and down like this I migth go nuts before its completed.


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## **Heather**

Hi everyone.  

Im excited to say that we have got our date for our initial enquiry home visit, its this coming wed (11th). 
We wasnt expecting to hear anything for another month at least, as they told us it would be up to 8 weeks before we get our home visit from the info eve.
The SW was laughing as she put the phone down as I was so excited I think I turned into a babbling idiot and the amount of times she suggested I take her name and contact number and I just kept giggling with excitement, but eventually I was sane enough to make the notes I needed.
Heaven only knows what would happen if we were ever approved and matched  

I hope we get her, as 1st impressions were good from her, she sounded nice and me being all girly didnt bother her, she just laughed along with me.
ANd I think Im rambling now.


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## crusoe

Great news Hevs - roll on 11th June.
Suffolklady - great news that your prep course went well. I'm sure you have nothing to worry about regarding your sw wanting to meet with you. It is probably a missing piece of info and nothing sinister at all. Ex partners aren't necessarily a problem - mine came good for me regarding the adoption and sw's are very used to reading between the lines of comments from bitter ex'es. Try not to worry too much....

just checking in to wish all virgins a good weekend.

Love crusoe
xxx


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## Spaykay

Hevs   on the babbling, I can just imagine as I would be the same (but in Spanish to top it off  )

Moppit welcome hun, we have been trying with donor eggs too but do not hold up much hope (and I want to stop!) I'm adopting from abroad but it's because I live in Spain and the adoption lists for Spain are closed at the moment and very complicated anyway...I wish I could adopt in England as I'm only just starting the process over here and hearing heart breaking info.

We went on our 1st course last night and I really enjoyed it and felt I could talk openly for the 1st time in ages! So I did talk! A bit too much! lol 

Cheesey - how'd you get on?

Kay xxx


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## Tibbelt

Hello ladies (and Mr Cheese - though and I know you're on your hols!)

Hope you all have had a lovely weekend, isn't life just so much better when the sun shines!  I was up in Yorkshire with my family for my nephew's birthday - 14 seven year olds! Great fun and my newphew introduced my to all his friends saying 'this is my aunties, she's fab' almost made my  he's such a sweetie (and the sweetie bribes obviously work!! ha ha!   )

Kay - hope all's good with you honey  - do you have another appointment this week or have I imagined that? You asked about Mr Cheese - they have news... 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=142535.0 

Hevs - WOO HOO!! Roll on Weds, feels great to be getting going doesn't it! I remember when I got the call - I was so excited (and turned into a cleaning lunatic!) so know just what you mean about babbling!! Hope all goes well  

Moppit - welcome on board honey . We went to our open evening June last year, prep course in Nov, started HS Jan and we're due at panel next month so all in all it's not been so long and we've found the process enjoyable for the most past. We did look at international adoption but didn't progress it when we found a LA who would take us for domestic (as MJ says international can be a v.long process, and expensive too!) - if you are interested in looking into international I can recommend the IAC - they run a very good 1 day course which we went on, was v. useful and informative. Re which agency to go with, we spoke to lots (as we live in London there are quite a few within 50 miles!!) - many weren't taking on white parents but our LA thought they might later in the year but they also advised us to try to go outside the borough as often the prefer to place children outside the immediate area, so that's what we did in the end andI have to say the LA we're with have been fantastic!

Crusoe - hello honey! How's things with you? Hope all's well 

Suffolklady - try not to worry, there's been a couple of times when our SW has left me messages saying she needs to talk to us and each time I . But it's never been anything untoward or to worry about, often just a bit of info she's forgotten to ask us. Try not to fret (and re exes, our SW has tried to contact mine but not heard anything back (I haven't had any contact with him in over 12 years!) but they seem happy with that and as Crusoe says - they're used to seeing through the narkiness of exes to get to the truth!  )

Boggy, Deborah, Fee and MJ - hope all's godd with you lovely ladies and htat you're having a good start to the week!

 to anyone I've missed!
Lots of love
Sarah
xx


----------



## Spaykay

Sarah - cheers hun, i'd fouind CHeeseys post  

Kay xxx


----------



## Betty B

Hi 

I don't post often but read this thread all the time it is very helpful and encouraging  

Just a quick question, I am new to adoption and have recently completed our prep course in March08 we got our home study date this week   and are delighted as thought we would have to wait until after the Summer at the earliest, it is starting in less than 2 weeks  

Does anyone know what the average timescale is from home study to panel?   

SB


----------



## crusoe

SB - not sure if it helps but we started home study at the end of March and are going to panel on 21st July so 4 mths for us!

Crusoe
x


----------



## crazybabe

Hi crusoe

OMG that is quick from H/S to get a panel date hun, do they wait until end of H/S o give you a date for panel or do they book it in advance for you, I know every individual case are different, but if ours was the same that would mean around Oct for panel with us.

hope everything goes well for you, we got our 01st H/S visit next wednesday, whats a competency file?

speak soon 

crazybabe


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Fee

I think the competency folder is a profile we do to show that we are cpmpetent to adopt a child - not sure though - anyone else knows?.

How are you

crazybabe


----------



## Spaykay

Fee - I'm thinking of going for older kids, but don't know EEEEEK! I mean older as in walking age

Kay xxx


----------



## Spaykay

My only concern is that they will be moving country so will have had more time to know about all the changes and if they're starving then they may find it hard...but then I guess I'll want them even more coz I'll want to protect them and love them to strength. I'm sooooo screwed up (can I say that  ) at the mo, so many difficult decisions to make.

Kay xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi fee

I am so happy for you that your dreams finally came true, what ages are the siblings, are you finding it difficult as we are seriously thinking of adopting sibling ages 0-5 and was wondering what others experiences have been like, did you get a adoption allowance - we only originally said one child but I wouldn't want that child to grow up lonely as they waould of already had a very difficult start in life we think it would be nice for them as (a) they wouldn't be slit up and (b) have each other also to bond/play with.

crazybabe


----------



## Spaykay

we want to adopt 2 but maybe not at the same time

k


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Fee

What lovely ages thats about the ages we would like too, its so difficult making that big decision whether to adopt one or siblings isn't it, I have always said I would like a girl but we aren't telling that to the SW as it may take longer, our dream would be a girl and boy but we will be grateful for either, we can't wait to be parents it has been our dream for a long time (7 years) I can't wait for the day we finally have children, do the SW expect one of you to give up work or go part time.

sorry for the questions, you can PM me if you don't want to discuss things here.

thanks for the help

crazybabe


----------



## suffolklady77

Hiya we spoke to sw and she doent seem overly concerned so just us going  as for the how many questain we have said 2-3 depending on ages as for sex well that depends on what they like if you get a  girl that likes things we do then ok if she a fluffy fairy then no I think you have to think about the child and if they will fit rather than " I want a girl"


----------



## Suzie

Just popping by to say hi  

We have sw visit at 12 today   for panel date! 

Crazy - our LA likes on of you to give up work! think it depends on LA , although it is different in our circumstance as K is already with us so I can still do my job 

xx


----------



## HFI

Hi girls and Mr Cheese  

Fee - Just wanted to say thanks so much for answering Crazybabe's questions, the info has been a great help to me also. So pleased everything is going well for you, it's great to hear from someone that has gone through the process and has first hand knowledge of being a mummy  

Crazybabe - Thanks for asking the questions in the first place    I also like the idea of adopting a sibling group however my DH is concerned we won't enjoy the experience / children as much if we get two at the same time.  I agree with Kay that it might be quite nice to adopt two but at different times.  I think I'll continue to keep my options open.  The SW on our prep course said they expect one of us to take a year off work but as Suzie says, it seems each LA is different.

Suzie - Hope the visit goes well today and your panel date is very soon  

SB - Congrats on getting a date for homestudy, you must be so happy  

Kay - So pleased your 1st course went well last Friday.  What happens now?  Do you have more courses to go on?

Crusoe - Thanks for the PM, I'll reply shortly.  Not long until your panel date - 21st July  

Sarah - Thanks for the link to Mr and Mrs Cheese's news.  Hope you're doing ok.

Mr Cheese - Congrats to you both on your fab news.  Hope you're having a fantastic holiday and celebrating in the sunshine.

Hevs - Good luck for tomorrow's home visit, you must be getting excited  

Hi to Suffolklady, MJ, Moppit, Deborah and all the other "Virgins"  

I'm still waiting to hear from the SW re: my next course dates.  They're having a meeting today but I'm not sure how long it will be before I receive a letter to confirm the details.  Oh well, I'm off to see The Lion King tonight so that should keep my mind on other things  

Have a lovely day, the sun is trying to come out  

Love H x


----------



## Tibbelt

Hello all!

Short post from me (at work   hence have to be brief!) but wanted to say hi and to let you know that i won't be around for a few days - off to Spain for a few days!   (Am sooooo looking forward to chilling on the beach!)

hope you are all ok and that everything is good re appointments etc that everyone is going through / waiting for. Sending you all big   and 'see' you all next week!

Lots of love
Sarah
xx


----------



## Spaykay

HFI I have 3 more courses (1 each week) and then I can do the SW and physch shecks, woohoo

Kay xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Fee

Thanks for the lovely reply hun - I do really appreciate the support from you, when we start our H/S do we have to tell the SW if we want one child or siblings, or can we say one to two children,  as we were told on our prep course that if you say you want siblings they will only look for siblings and a single child wouldn't be looked at  - is this correct, we have to discuss things with our SW next week as there are a few things we want answered before we make our minds up for definate on one child or siblings, I know the SW will probbably persuade us to have siblings as they are the ones who wait longer aren't they, but it is such a difficult decison.

take care

Keep in touch

crazybabe


----------



## **Heather**

Ive just sat and done a long long post on here and it wouldnt post, said session timed out before it posted


----------



## Spaykay

Oh NO! I always copy a long post before trying to post it just incase...try that next time Hethear  

Kay xxx


----------



## Camly

hi all

hows things?

i have been abit quiet recently as not had much to report. been keeping an eye on all of you though   

we had a phone call tonight to say we are having SW'er visit a week tomorrow. she is coming to arrange dates for our home study to start so thats exciting. cant wait to get started! 

hope everyone is ok.  x x x


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Camly

Congratulation on the news of the SW comming to visit you, we are having our 01st SW visit for the H/S next wednesday, I'm so excited and a little bit nervous two, good luck with everything

crazybabe


----------



## HFI

Sarah - I hope you have a great time in Spain and enjoy the rest  

Camly - Good to hear from you.  Great news things are getting started, hope the SW visit goes well next week.

Crazybabe - All the best for Wednesday and the start of your HS.

I had a call this week from one of the SW's advising we're approved for the next stage and will be on the parenting courses in July - 10th, 17th and 24th.  Really pleased they let us know straight away so I didn't have to sit wondering    It's good timing as well coz I'm on holiday until 4th July so at least we'll make it back in time  

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Anyone got any plans for the weekend?  Have a good one whatever you're doing  

Love H x


----------



## Camly

hi all

crazybabe - thanks for your msg and good luck for wed. its very exciting but i feel nervous too? think its just the unknown. 

HFI - thank you to you also.  thats great news you have been approved for the next stage.   its a great feeling when there is something actualy happening. i hate waiting!!  

hope everyone else is well.  Sarah - enjoy your time in spain.

have a good weekend all x x x x x


----------



## Spaykay

HFI and Camly - super news hun!    things moving along smoothly.

Kay xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi HFI

Thats lovely news that you got approved for the the next stage hun, its horrible waiting isn't it - Where are you going on holiday in July, we are off to Cala Bona in Majorca the end of July, so after going through a few home studies by then hopefully, we will dam well deserve to chill out on hols.

Good luck with everything.

Has anyone been to Cala bona in majorca it's our first time to this resort, we have been told its lovely.

Speak to you soon

crazybabe


----------



## Spaykay

Not been to Cala Bona but Mallorca is lovely! We're gonna go to Menorca for a week, never been.

Kay xxx


----------



## crazybabe

hi kay

Have a lovely time in Menoca next week, I'm sure you will have a very nice time, got all your things ready, toiletries etc, you packed yer, I have been told Menorca is lovely

crazybabe


----------



## Spaykay

Not off until 3rd week of July Crazybabe, but thanks.

Kay xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Kay

Sorry I didn't realise you weren't going until 03rd week july, what date you going - we are going on our hols 28th July, and I can't wait, got most things now, just the odd one or two things to get.

take care

crazybabe


----------



## Spaykay

we're going around the 23rd July...haven't booked anything yet, not as organised as you!  

Kay xxx


----------



## Tibbelt

Hello all!

We're back - had a fab time! A few days on the beach and evenings spent dancing was just what the doc ordered! Apart from being exhausted    and needing another holiday to recover we feel great for having got away for a few days at least!

HFI - great news honey!  

Camly - you too, bet it feels lovely to be moving onto the next stage! I remember gettig our dates for starting homestudy - I was beside myself with excitement!!  


Heather -  I saw you other posts honey, I'm sure your first appointment went great and that you've nothing to worry about - from my experience SW's will quiestion you further if they have concerns but they don't make assumptions without doing that. Here's hoping you hear back soon - it;'s the waiting which is the worst bit isn't it!  

Hello to everyone else - Kay, Crazybabe, Mr Cheese, Suffolklady, Boomy, Moppit, Deborah and anyone else I've missed - hope you're all ok!

Well I start a new job today - same company but quite a big change for me (partially because it's shift work - going to seem v. strange!) so I ought to go and get ready - start at 2 today and must do some washing from the hols so it doesn't just sit in the suitcase and some ironing so that I've got clothes for this week!!! What joy!! 

have a good day all!
lots of love
Sarah
xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Tibbelt

Glad you had a wonderful time, back to reality again now - Where did you go, we are going the end of July to Majorca quite resort called cala bona, or H/S starts tomorrrow, I am so excited, its another step further, I wonder how many visits we can get in before our holiday   I hope your new job goes well for you.

take care

crazybabe


----------



## Suzie

Glad you had a good hols tibbelt  hope the new job goes well 

Sw came again today and is going to speak to panel this week to get a date for us  . She is coming again on monday so should  have a date then

Hope everyones Home study/prep courses are going well?

x


----------



## Laine

Crazybabe,

We had our last holiday as a couple in Cala Bona and it really is a lovely place 

Hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

Hi to everyone else.

Laine xx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Laine

It's nice to hear from someone who has been to Cala bona, can you tell me what hotel you stayed in, we are staying in the Alicia Hotel, whats the beach, bars etc like, any nice cheap bars and restarants you can recommend?

Thanks hun

crazybabe


----------



## suffolklady77

just thought id say hi we are just back fron prep course 2/4 and wow thats intense 
-Gayle


----------



## HFI

Good morning ladies and Mr Cheese  

Sarah - Really pleased you had a fab time in Spain and feel great and ready to start your new job.  How's it going - I hope you're settling in ok.

Crazybabe - How did HS go yesterday?  How long were they with you and what sort of things did you discuss?  After my next course I'll be ready to start HS so I'm really interested in your journey and finding out whats in store for me    I'm off to Portugal next Wednesday for my holiday and I can't wait.  I'm not keen on flying but I'm so ready for a break that I'm not letting the flying worry me.  I've never been to Cala Bona before but I've been to Majorca lots of times and it's lovely and not too far away on the plane  

Kay - I've not been to Menorca either, you'll have to let us know what it's like.  Are you hoping to get a last minute deal?

Suzie - Fingers crossed you get some good news on Monday  

Gayle - Yes the prep course is intense, a real eye opener but I did enjoy it and it made me even more excited about adoption  

Nothing really to report back from me apart from the fact i'm getting ready for my holiday.  I've bought my suncreams, aftersun, books and I'm saving all my music onto my MP3 player.  Will be washing like mad this weekend and reading my book, written by a pilot, that tells you all about flying and what all the noises mean etc etc.

I'm getting my stair carpet laid today - how exciting!  That will mean my house will almost be complete - only been decorating for 12-13 weeks  

Hi to everyone else - have a nice day  

Love H xx


----------



## Keeley

Hi

I have posted on here once before and am hoping for some information.

Me and my DH are considering adoption after a bumpy 2 years . I heard back from our local council about the next information evening 22/7. But before then im just wondering what happens. Im so overwhelmed

Thanks Keeley


----------



## Spaykay

HFI - we live in Spain so will just get a last minute flight.

Keeley - sorry, can't help, am doing adoption in Spain.

 to everyone!

Kay xxx


----------



## Suzie

hi keeley and welcome to the thread 

You will go to an info evening which can be a lot of info to take in and social workers sometimes paint a dim view on that evening to see how commited you are to adoption. So don't be put off  
Then if you want to proceed they will send a social worker out for an initial visit to chat to you. 
Then if its all ok then you will proceed to a prep course which there is usually a little wait to get on to. You will find there is a lot of waiting around! 
Then home study with a social worker and finally if all ok then a date for approval panel will be set. You will also have to have medicals at some point.
Then if approved then the wait for a suitable match begins and it can be short or long. Thats anyones guess

I hope that helps and that the info evening goes well for you 

xx


----------



## Camly

hi all

happy friday!!  

well, we had our first homestudy visit today. it went well. we have pencilled in the next 5 dates, once a week. so its all starting and we are very very excited. it finally feels real. 

hope everyone enjoys their weekend. x x x


----------



## Keeley

is the home study where they come to your home and assess it ? 

we are not fortunante enough to own a house , we live in a flat about a shop ( with steep stairs that can be easlily gated ) its the inlaws and we pay REALLY CHEAP rent for location and its 2 bedroom.

sorry prob get alot of silly questions from me


----------



## Spaykay

keeley - what we're here for hun!

Had 3rd meeting tonight and I was a loud mouth again     Will update diary tomorrow as am poooped...hope you're all well. Sorry don't do many personals but don't always get the updates as dont' know process in England (Britain)

Kay xxx


----------



## Keeley

Thank you. I am so excited about the whole process. 

It feels like the puzzle is finally coming together, since we found out we couldn't have children its been really tough but now everytime i think of adoption , i get a warm feeling inside ( its really nice) so i know its right.

Thank you x


----------



## Camly

hi keeley

yes home study is where they come to your home.  so far no one has looked round our house - not sure if/when they will?  i am fairly new to this myself so dont know how things work etc but anything i can help with, i will.  

its very exciting but also very scarey. we havent told many people that we are hoping to adopt as we have ended up with 'egg on our faces' so many times with previous fertility treatments which have failed etc. so i think we are going to wait abit longer before telling more people.

hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. x x x x


----------



## Keeley

Thanks for replying, i just hope they don't judge us on the stairs we gate them when our god children stay and have plenty of room in our lifes and home for a child.

There are only a few people we have told 2, my work know and a immediate family know we are looking into adoption and my best friend. 

Roll on 22/7 can't wait to get the ball rolling


----------



## Camly

good luck keeley. its a long process eh? im not very good at waiting either... 

hope your enjoying your weekend x x x


----------



## Suzie

Keeley it shouldnt matter that you are renting or about the stairs if it can be gated safely  
They will only have a look around to check out where the child would sleep etc 

Spaykay I wouldn't worry about feeling like a loud mouth at prep as my dh and I seemed to be the only ones who spoke at our fostering prep course! 

We have sw coming tomorrow afternoon and hopefully bringing a panel date  

love to all
suzie x


----------



## Keeley

Thank you. I do panic about stuff. I keep thinking random stuff, then going into a panic.


----------



## Camly

keeley - the girls and mr cheese are great on here. im a big panicker too, think its only natural.


----------



## Spaykay

I think we're all a bit         at times as it feels like we're being judged, even though we know that we'll be great parents!

Kay xxx


----------



## Tibbelt

Hello all! 

Apologies for being awol - had to dash to see my family as Dad took a turn for the worse but he has stabalised now and fingers crossed is on the mend!

Sorry for the short post - got soooo much to do with not having the weekend at home (washing from hols is still sat infront of the machine!) but will try and catch up later.

Hope you're all ok and that appointments etc are progressing well!
and   and welcome to our new 'virgins'! Here's hoping your journey is smooth and stress free!

Lots of love to all 
Sarah
xxx


----------



## Spaykay

Sarah   for your dad!  

Kay xxx


----------



## Debs

Hey guys  

Hope everyone is well. I am sorry ive not been about much but do check in to see how you are all doing.

Im crashing in like a rhino now    as we have had to wait months and months for our initial visit and now its looming fast  

Im getting a bit stressed over it - is it as bad as I think its going to be?  I know they will be with us for a couple of hours so is it mainly chatting or form filling - them just getting to know about you and how you live your life and how you can offer a good home to a child?

Or do i need to get things ready like bank statements etc?

Again apologies for crashing in ...... im suddenly in a flap!!!!

Love

Debs xxx


----------



## Suzie

debs !  

The initial visit should just be an informal chat, just a get to talk this over chat  Nothing heavy 

I know its easy for me to say don't panic but really try just to be yourself and you will be just fine  I am sure the others on here will tell you the same 

The Sw's are human and I think we tend to forget that sometimes 

I really hope that your appointment on friday goes well and you are on your way to your forever family 

Tibbelt - big  to you 

xx


----------



## HFI

Debs - I hope you're initial visit goes well, I agree with Suzie - just be yourself  

Sarah - I hope your dad is on the mend and feeling much better soon.

Just a very quick one from me coz I'm going on holiday tomorrow to Portugal     .  I'll be away for 9 nights so AWOL for a bit.

Hope everyone's appointments, visits, HS and most importantly panel go well whilst I'm away.  I'm sure I'll have a lot to catch up on when I return  

Love H x


----------



## Suzie

Have a fab hols HFI  ~I went to portugal in Feb  my parents live in france but winter in portugal so went to see them 

xx


----------



## Tibbelt

BUMP!

It's been quiet on here   Hope everyone is ok!

Sorry for not being around - am running backwards and forwards between home and seeing my Dad and getting ready for panel! Only 5 sleeps to go and I can't believe it's nearly here!!!! Have just bought a new handbag for the occasion (any excuse eh?!   )

Sorry for lack of personals, literally have no time! Sending you all big   &   and hope everyone is doing good.

Lots of love to all
Sarah
xxx


----------



## crusoe

Hey now there is an idea!! A new handbag for panel... I have considered a new outfit but I have a handbag obsession and hadn't even thought of getting a bag for panel - sounds like a great reason to spend some money to me!

Good luck Sarah for Tuesday     - not that you will need it, from your posts I can tell you are going to be a lovely mummy.
Love to all Virgins
Crusoe
x


----------



## Spaykay

Hi virgins

Just 1 question...on our courses they go on about being ready and that if you still get jealous looking at pg women or can't touch their tummy etc. you're not ready as you're still wishing for something that your baby won't be. I know that I want to adopt and only imagine my African baby now in my dreams and future, but I occasionally get a bit jealous at pg ladies because they are gonna get the child they love so easily (I mean people I know who got pg very easily or accidently) and I have to wait and wait to get my love. Is this normal still? 

Kay xxx


----------



## Keeley

sorry had to sneek on while DH down stairs. i was in kitchen and he just randomly said , i  am really looking forward to adoption can't we speed it up! bless his heart, its the 1st positive things his said. 

sorry had to share as we are not telling anyone about the adoption so can't ring anyone up x


----------



## Spaykay

Keeley   what a lovely thing to say. My DH dreamt the other night about our adopted child (although they were from China not Ethiopis) which was sweet. He is only just opening up to telling people whereas I just want to shout it out!

Sarah glad you got a cool handbag! I'm sure it will help  

Kay xxx


----------



## Camly

hi

kay - i hope what your feeling/thinking is normal otherwise im in trouble too!    im not sure if the feeling will ever truely leave us, but might get easier once we have our own family?  

keeley - aww, thats really sweet your dh saying that.  

sarah - you mean i (hopefully) get to buy a new handbag too    wishing you lots of luck  

hope everyone else is doing well x x x x x


----------



## Suzie

Kay - I would take it with a pinch of salt that the course leaders say  I dont think any of us will ever truly feel 100% comfortable with seeing a pg woman. I know I for one won't ! 
I would put a guess on that the person who said it hasn't suffered infertility? Apologises if she has but doesnt sound like something someone who had would say ?

I have the most wonderful 2 year old little boy who came as a foster child and we are getting to keep forever  , it doesnt mean I never think about what it would have been like to be pg or have a biological child  That takes nothing away from him as I love him just as much as if it was a biological child of ours  

sorry rambled there  just trying to say that its only natural to have the feelings we do 

Keeley - awww bless your dh 

 to all
love
suzie x


----------



## Keeley

It was so sweet, it made my heart melt, his been completely for the adoption all along but when he said that o i went to jelly.  Hope everyone ok, im off to straighner my hair and redo my mascara,  i need to have a picture done for my passport and the been dragged though a hedge backwards is not the look i want to be reminded off for 10 years x speak to you all later x


----------



## Iman

Hello ladies and gents - can  I join in?

Im a fellow adoption virgin - we are just starting the inital enquiries...so far not much to report though! I have requested info from 2 LAs and 3 VAs and then we are gonna sit down and decide who we want to go see and go with...Im leaning towards VA at the moment. Have had 2 phonecalls with VAs - one which was very intense and thorough, the other more about the process at this stage but was very excited to hear from us! the phone call came at the right time too as a close friend of mine had her baby boy today and while chuffed to bits for her, still felt that famililar pang and was a bit blue ....but the phonecall got me right on track. I think Kay that this relates to what you are saying - I do not get jealous when seeing other PG women or finding out, I just feel a bit sad for a bit...but I like to hear from them about what they are going through, feel their baby move etc..I dont know if that feeling will over go away completly but I think it must get easier and easier right Feel very positive about adoption process though...

Keeley - also waiting for some more 'forthcoming' emotions/thoughts from my DH. Says he is ready, wants to do it, etc but waiting for this info to be volunteered rather than asked for?? does that make sense?? Its early days anyway

One thing I wonder about is the fact we are renting....we are planning to buy our own soon hopefully but I wonder if we should do that first before we get too far down the road or if we just try and do both at the same time...after all we dont know how long the matching process might take for us....

Anyway, nice to join you and read everyone's thoughts and find people at the same stage..

Take care

Iman xx
p.s. when did you all tell your friends and family? our immediate family know but my friends and others dont have a clue, they dont even know we were TTC and then had probs...obviously want to tell them but think we should wait a bit longer? we want some privacy after all...but then on the other hand, we want their support and the openness of them knowing....what did you all do??


----------



## Keeley

Kay - I think its natural to feel something when you see a pg lady.

i have 2 very heavly pregnant ladys in my life and 1 that has just given birth (3 in total), when i see the PG ladys or if i see one on the street, i do get prangs of of jealously ( if i know them i can touch there belly). when i am around them but it is only the natural thoughts, i wish i could exprience feeling my baby in my belly, i wish i could get excited about the impending birth but its only natural feelings and it doensn't mean anything as when i think about adoption i get simular feeling i imagine meeting the child, taking him/her home, me and dh have already started to think about turning our spare room into a proper little room and most importantly loving that child with all our hearts for the rest of my life. 

Iman Hello, I am in the same situation as you inital enquires , 22nd July is our open evening and i can't wait, i was so surprized when Dh said he was excited and wanted it to speedup, it was so lovely i turned to jelly. due to the difficult 2 1/2 years we have been having to hear that was amazing was like all my xmas come at once. your DH will in time say little things like that, i think some men take a little longer to adjust.

Don't worry to much about renting , we do ( Dh parents are our landlords though) i think as long as you won't be moving for a while you should be fine. we are waiting for the property market to calm down, being an average couple with average jobs the way the market is at the moment we can bearly afford a front door lol.

we haven't really told anyone although alot of our friends knew we were considering it , only our close family know we are looking into adoption, my best friend knows and i think DH will tell his in time but we are keeping everything under wraps at the moment once the process starts a little more we may inform a few other close friends.

I will pop back later, i better get ready as i have to brave the post office and the local council parking permit office in one day and i want to do it before it gets to busy x keeley x


----------



## LittleMissJo

Hi girls,

May I join you?

We are unable to carry on with IVF at the moment, so have been thinking about adoption. DH and I attended an information evening a few days ago and are now going to complete the application form. Quite excited but also nervous in case our application is declined.
Any advice?

Jo


----------



## Spaykay

Welcome Jo!!! No wise advice from me as I'm not very wise   But good luck and we're lovely on here and will always be here to help!  

I've finiished my courses now and shall update my diary on Monday when I've called to make my social worker and pyschologist appointments  

Kay xxx


----------



## crusoe

Hi just checking in to wish Sarah (Tibbelt) good luck for panel tomorrow.           

We had our 2nd opinion visit today - horrible is the only way of describing it!!!  

Love and luck to all

Crusoe
xx


----------



## Suzie

Sarah  for panel   

xx


----------



## Spaykay

Ooooooo panel tomorrow Sarah, good luck hun   I'll send you my bday wish when I blow out the candles!

Kay xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Girlies

I hope your all doing fine, and your journeys going well,we had our 01st initial H/S visit today, went well we handed in our homework which our SW will take away and read, we had to answer a load of questions which some were difficult, I have my individual visit 24th July now before we go on hols, so we are getting there quite quickly really, I have a question that I didn't really like to ask SW yet, when you get placed with a Child/Children and they move in to our home, how long must we leave it before the children can be introduced to our parents etc.

Sarah (Tibbelt) Good Luck hun for panel tomorrow, I will be thinking of you.

Suzie - HAPPY BIRTHDAY    

Love to all

crazybabe


----------



## Tibbelt

Oh thank you ladies! Am a big bag of nerves right now!!!       Will post the outcome tomorrow (will probably be in the evening as I won't be home until then-ish)

Thank you for your   vibes and I'm sorry I've been awol for ages! Dad still poorly so haven't been around much...
lots of love and   to you all
A very, nervous Sarah!
xxxxxxx

p.s. Kay - have a fab, fab birthday! xxx


----------



## Camly

hi all

sorry just a quick post from me - good luck sarah - im sure you will both d great   


lots of love camly x x x x


----------



## Spaykay

Sarah      Can't wait to hear your news

Kay xxx


----------



## Tibbelt

A little bit of news: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=147779.0

   
hope you all ok!
lots of love
Sarah
xxxx


----------



## LittleMissJo

Hi everyone,

Congratulations Tibbelt, how exciting for you  

I hope we will be posting our initial application form off Friday  

Jo


----------



## Tibbelt

Thank you ladies for all your congrats, it's so lovely to be able to share the good news on these boards! I am going to keep the threads and print them for our little ones.

I'm afraid I also have some very sad new, which I'm not going to post on the other threah as I want to keep that a happy one for our children but very, very sadly yesterday was also a very bitter sweet day for us as my dad passed away in the evening, he has been ill for a long time and has fought cancer for nearly 4 years - we knew that he was near the end and we'd been told that he probably wouldn't live another 48 hours 2 weeks ago, we truly believe that he was waiting for panel and we're just so happy that he knew we'd been approved and that he could pass in peace.

Sorry to have to follow my happy news with such sad news but I know my dad believed children were the most precious thing in life and that he will be looking down on us with great joy and pride when we find our family.

Hope you are all ok and please forgive me if I'm not around for a while, I'm not sure yet when I'm going up to yorkshire but it's likely to be soon. My Mum and Dad don't have internet but my sister does so I'll try to pop on when I can and catch up with everyone's news (sorry, being a bit rubbish at keeping up at the moment).
Lots of love to you all
Sarah
xxx


----------



## superal

Tibbelt - my sincere condolences at this sad time.  Your Dad sounds as though he was a very brave man and he was waiting to hear that his daughter was approved to be a for ever Mummy before he felt it was his time to go. 

Andrea
x


----------



## Suzie

Sarah - I am so sorry to hear of your dad's passing  I am sure he was waiting to know that you are going to be a mummy and he will be looking out for your children for you . Lots and lots of 

xx


----------



## Keeley

Tibbelt

Im sorry to hear of your loss.

Keeley x


----------



## crusoe

Oh Sarah  - I am so sorry to hear your news. It's of little comfort now but I am sure your father was happy to know you are approved and will be a mummy one day soon. He may not be physically with you but I am sure he will be a guiding light in both your and your future children's lives.

huge hugs to you    

Love Crusoe
xxx


----------



## Tarango

hello everyone   
hope you are all well

sorry to hear your news Sarah    

we have news - when we were on our prep course in April/ May we were told we wouldn't be allocated a SWer for about 6 months but when we got home we had a message from our ALLOCATED SOCIAL WORKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

we are sooo excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a very happy T and Mr T

xxxxx


----------



## Spaykay

Sarah -   I'm glad your Dad was able to go in peace knowing that your dream of becoming parents and making him a grandad was going to be fulfilled  

Taronga woooppeeeee great news.

I have bits of news but no time to type it...all moving on and getiing SW and psych checks booked! We thought would be for Sept but may be before EEK!

Kay xxx


----------



## Moppit

Sarah, so sorry to hear about your father but he will give you the strength from afar and will be looking down on you when you become a Mummy I am sure.

As a true adoption virgin right at hte beginning of the journey I wondered if I could ask a couple of questions about how you decided which LA or agency to go for. I have spoken to a few LA's around where we live and they seem really negative. One told me that their books are completely closed for caucausian couples and another that the chances of us getting a child under 5 were very minimal. I have also had mixed advice from them about where to go - a few have said that going to an LA some distance away is a good idea as they never place children in the vicinity of the birth parents yet others have said that we would still have to look at London. Lastly I have also had mixed messages about whether to go through an agency rather than an LA. One of the Social Workers I spoke to on the phone said that she thought this would be the best route for us as we would like to adopt a young child, yet another said that agencies are even less likely to have young children as they tend to 'scoop up' the children that cannot be placed by the LA...

As you can see I am completely and utterly confused and more than a little down hearted as to what to do next.

Can anyone help in terms of which route you have gone down and why?

Moppit x


----------



## Suzie

hi Moppit 

The best advice to to get someone from the LA to come and chat to you and also someone from a VA so you can find out how they stand at the moment.
I know in fostering that agencys place the children that LA's dont have foster carers for , not sure about adoption , some of the others on here might know.


love
suzie x


----------



## Spaykay

Met with a couple of ladies adopting from Ethiopia yesterday and had a great natter. 1 already has a 4 year old that she adopted when he was 7 months and he was absolutely adorable. I CAN'T WAIT! Please say YEEEEEEESSSS to me!

Kay xxx


----------



## Moppit

Hi Ladies

Further to my post yesterday, I wondered if anyone on the thread lives in London and has had experience of working with an LA in London. I have spoken to a couple more today and it seems like London is harder than ever and a couple of the LAs say they are closed to white couples. I'm at a loss of where to go next.

Moppitx


----------



## Keeley

Hi Moppit.

Im in london and going have a choice of 2 LA. you can PM if you wish even though i am at VERY early stages


----------



## Marie2

Thanks everyone for making me feel welcome!, it's a blessing finding this site and being able to talk about your feelings and knowing others understand. I don't even think our partners fully understand how we feel when those hormones start playing up!

I know the adoption process is a long and emotional one so I am preparing myself, as I have said if there is anyone who has started the adoption process or has been through it and can give me any advice I would really apppreciate it.

Thanks again

Marie


----------



## Suzie

Hiya

welcome  have you had an initial visit from social worker? If not that will be first thing  then if all ok and you proceed you will get asked to go on a prep course 

The hardest thing for most is the waiting . as there is waiting involved for most areas of the assessment depending on what area you live in 

xx


----------



## Spaykay

Hi Marie

Glad you joined us  

Kay xxx


----------



## spatch

Hi all been a while since ive posted - hope you are all ok?

Well after 4 months we have two LA infomation evenings coming up next week (although one is for a waiting list) - my question is is there anything i should be asking? any questions?? 

i have done lots of reading but want to make sure i am asking the right things

Any help would be great

Thanks

Caroline


----------



## Spaykay

Hi Spatch - glad the courses are coming up! I just asked everything I could possibly think of at the time! Nothing too specific though, just all my worries, concerns, ideas etc.

Kay xxx


----------



## Suzie

Hiya 

update from us is that earliest panel date is October 22nd that we can get on! Sw is going to have all forms ready by end of summer so if cancellation we might get a slot in September. 
Thing is we only have to update our fostering form F ready for panel so there isn't loads to do really. Just get to know the new sw really who thankfully is lovely 

hope everyones journeys are progressing well 

x


----------



## Spaykay

WOOHOOOOOO Suzie! I hope they can slot you in for Sept hun    

Kay xxx


----------



## muddypaws

Hi,

I hope you don't mind me popping in and asking a few questions. I am still undergoing IVF at the moment but given my age, might also want to adopt. However, both my closest LAs won't even begin to consider women who are still undergoing treatment. I realise that at some level this does make sense...it's a lot for them to go through to then find that the woman gets pregnant and drops out of the process. 

I note that it is a pretty drawn out process too and am worried that I would be older than I would like before I got to the stage of being considered for adoption. In reading some of the messages here, I have noticed that some of you seem to still be having fertility treatment. Does anyone have some summary advice about this process and do you know of LAs that do consider women still in treatment, not to mention single women?! Also, I see that some LAs have closed to caucasian people - that seems pretty drastic...are there really that many people wanting to adopt and not enough children needing placement?  Any advice would be gratefully received...Thanks  

Muddylane


----------



## Spaykay

Don't know much hun but I think you have to have a 6 month break between IVF and starting adoption with most LA's. Hope you get pg  hun  Good luck!

Kay xxx


----------



## suffolklady77

hi all 
was sorry to hear about you dad sarah *hugs*

Hi muddy I think you need to have a rest from ttc before adopting personally I found it helped me as it was the end of that phase of my life and starting a new one I felt a sense of mourning almost so i'm glad we gave ourselves that time to recover.I think once you take the decision to stop ttc you will feel that too.

we have prep course 4/4 next week which is exiting and with luck another step closer !

-Gayle


----------



## Tibbelt

Hello all,
Thank you so much for your lovely messages    - I've been in Yorkshire since the 2nd but am back home now (going back to work on Monday). We gave my Dad a wonderful send off and it was standing room only at the funeral. Needless to say it was a very sad and emotional occasion but it was a celebration of his life too, he was a wonderful man who did so much for so many people and we can cry because we miss him or we can smile because he was , and always will be, part of our lives. I'm lucky to have had such a wonderful Dad.

Hope all is well with all of you!

Gayle - great to be getting to the end of your prep course!  Here's hopeing that homestudy is quick on its heels!

Kay - lovely to hear that you've been able to meet with other mum's adopting overseas!   Must be so exciting to see the gorgeous reality!  

Muddylane - honey I'm afraid just about all LA's want you to have at least 6 months break from finishing treatment (and some want you to have 12) - the reason for this is that it gives you time to really decide if adoption is what you want and some time to grieve not having your biological child. We had almost a year's break and I'm really glad we did, I needed the space to start and feel like myself again and to get my life back as it were, we also used the time to do loads of research on adoption (tons of reading!) which seemed to impress our SW's and when we started the process we went through it quickly! Good luck honey and feel free to pick our brains on here if we can help at all  

Spatch - great news that your info evening is round the corner! I asked a few questions about what children the LA currently had to be placed, what kinds of backgrounds led to children in the area being looked after and how long they generally took to take adoptive parents through the process. Hope that helps honey and that it all goes well, it's an exciting time!  

Marie - welcome on board! Hope your jouney is both smooth and quick!  

Susie - keeping everything crossed that you can get to panel in Sept!  

Moppit - I'm in London and went round quite a few LA's before I found mine - like you I found quite a few were closed to white adopters or else there were long waiting lists. But the one we're with has been fantastic all way through - feel free to PM me honey if you want their details.

Taronga - WOOO HOOO! Fabulous news!     do you have a date for starting HS? Hope it's soon and you'll be at panel before you know it! 

 to Boomy, Keely, Crusoe and anyone I've missed! Hope you're all ok!

Lots of love to all
Sarah
xxx


----------



## Spaykay

Sarah, your dad sounds like he was a wonderful man and that your life together was certainly very special. He was obviously very lucky too to have such a lovely daughter!  

I'm in England at the mo and what's all this rain about then? My toes are getting really wet!

Kay xxx


----------



## Suzie

Its not raining here  Rain must have followed you


----------



## Spaykay

Wasn't raining in Spain!   It's quite refreshing really.

Kay xxx


----------



## smurf1

Hi All

I would like to  join you please.

After a long and painful road of ttc with and without treatment we have now moved to adoption. We are very excited. 

We had an initial visit from our SW back in May, our application was accepted to proceed a week later. We  should get conformation of our course dates end of August, the course dates will be in October. Just cant wait to get started.

Look forward to chatting more.

Tracy

xx


----------



## Suzie

Welcome to the thread Tracy  

 on your adoption journey 

x


----------



## Keeley

Hi all

Hope everyone is well, im getting very inpatient now about starting the process, its our 2nd wedding anniversary on tuesday and we have the day off together which is going to be nice, DH got excited yesterday his london to brigton  proffesional pictures have come though, so i went to boots and got them printed and framed for when he came home.

Anyway i best get on with my domestic duties


----------



## Tarango

hello virgins xxxx

welcome to the thread Muddy and Smurf xxxx

happy anniversary Keeley   

I have made a conscious decision to give a bit more 'input' into this thread and post rather than just read what everyone is up to   

we have our first SW visit (for HS) on Weds     and cannot wait 

on another note, both DH and I have had a bit of a shock that our cars are officially *bad*    just been on the website and have seen *how much* our car tax is going up    

speak soon 
love
T
xxxxxx


----------



## Spaykay

Welcome Smurf  

I've got one wicked hangover after a 12 hour drinking session   Whay do I never learn?

Kay xxx


----------



## babyblues101

Hi there sorry for interrupting i was just wondering if i could ask a wuick question if some one knows the answer. 

Is there an age limit for adoption and if yes what is it?


----------



## Spaykay

Ermmmmm...don't know the answer to that I'm afrais, but pretty sure that age affects the age you can adopt.

DH has made our appointments with the physcologusts and social workers and they should call us in August!!! EEEEEEEK!

Kay xxx


----------



## suffolklady77

Hiiii
hmm well i'm no expert but I dont belive there is an upper age limit although your age will determine the age of the children you are allowed to adopt ( we covered it in our prep group yesterday !)
-Gayle


----------



## Spaykay

[fly]CONGRATULATIONS BOOMY![/fly]

Read your diary! You must be over the moon!

We've got our 1st SW interview on Thursday EEEEEK! (a week today!)

Kay xxx


----------



## Tibbelt

Boomy! CONGRATULATIONS!!! Wonderful news! Am thrilled to bits for you

[fly]        [/fly]

Hope your wait is a short one!

 to everyone else - apologies for the lack of personals, working shifts at the moment and been up since 3... can barely keep my eyes open! Hope you're all ok and that your journey's are going well

lots of love to all
(a very sleepy) Sarah... Zzzzzzzzzzzz....
xxxx


----------



## Tarango

[fly]CONGRATULATIONS BOOMY[/fly]
very exciting news!!

Hello fellow virgins xxx
our first SW visit went well, Swer is really nice 
hopefully going to take 6-8 months which is really good! 

speak soon
T
xxx


----------



## HFI

Hi girls

Hope you are all ok.

Sorry I've not been around for awhile, I started my second course last week (the one that only appears to run in Hertfordshire) and it's been keeping me very busy.  We had to write 4 essays in a week!  Seperately we had to do 1500 - 2000 word profiles, a 1000 - 1500 word essay on our relationship and a 500 - 1000 word essay on our lifestyle - it was surprising to see how much we go out socially............that will have to change    Next course is on Thursday,  we then have an interview to go through our essays etc and then hopefully we'll be onto HS  .  Initially it was a bit of a pain to have HS delayed until we had completed this course but my DH and I have really enjoyed it and it's helping us to get together the info we need for our F form.

Sarah - Sorry it's taken so long to let you know I'm sorry to hear about your dad.  It sounds like you were both lucky to have each other and he'll be so proud of you when you become a mummy    I can't believe you've been up since 3am - how do you do it  

Gayle - I hope you enjoyed your prep course, do you have a date yet for HS to start?

Marie and Tracy - Welcome to the thread and good luck with your journeys.

Susie - Keeping everything crossed you get a panel date in Sept  

Kay - Great news you've got your 1st SW visit next Thursday - so exciting to be another step closer  

Keeley - Hope you and your DH had a lovely anniversary - did you do anything nice?  Congrats to your DH on his London to Brighton bike ride.  What is it with these men, they are so energetic - my DH done the London Marathan last year - I can't even run for the bus  

Tarango - Glad everything went well on Wed and you liked your SW - it makes such a difference doesn't it.  When's your next visit?

Boomy -    FANTASTIC NEWS - CONGRATULATIONS  

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all ok and moving forward with your journeys  

Have a great weekend.

Love H x


----------



## Spaykay

Tarango - wooooo sounds like you're moving along smoothly.

HFI - gawd   you'd better get typing away for those essays! I'll have to do mine in Spanish EEEK!

We now have a date for the physcologist too EEK!

Kay xxx


----------



## suffolklady77

hiii
no no date yet we have exit interview ina  few weeks and then w go on the list to get one allocated at prep group they said it might be up to six months depending on what resources you have to offer! i love the fact i'm a resource now lol
-Gayle


----------



## LadyMoonlight

Hi everyone

We're not actively considering adoption at the moment but I'm just interested in asking a few Q's if thats OK?   

My cousin + her hubby went through the process recently and was told they could only adopt "an older or disabled child" which she did not feel confident about (never having had a child of her own - she was hoping for a baby or toddler).  Is there any reason she would have been told this - she's 40, as is her husband, and he has a grownup son from a previous relationship (born when he was just 17).  They have good jobs (both professionals), own their own home, have a supportive family and are financially solvent.  I would have thought they would be ideal to adopt a child.

As for ourselves, well we already have one child who is likely to be our only due to our fertility issues.  We've never really considered adoption, as I always assumed it was just too hard to be approved.  Is it really that hard?  I've heard that someone like me (with a history of depression) would not be accepted?  Is there an upper age limit?  Are you expected to have a certain level of income/own your own home etc?

Also, my partner and I had a fight after he was laid off at work last year and made the mistake of telling my Health Visitor, who sent Social Services after us (assuming there was a "Domestic Violence" situation going on).  They only came once, talked to us both, could see that nothing was wrong and our son was fine and they never bothered us again, although they did write a "report" of their visit.  Would this go against us if we ever did consider adoption in the future?

As I said, we're not actively considering adoption at the moment, I'm just curious.  Thanks!


----------



## Keeley

Blond question alert  

Im trying to get our paperwork in order and am having great fun with the shredder but before i get to carried away. The financial checks is that bank statements and wage slips or credit report. I don't want to shred something i may need


----------



## Suzie

just a quickie to say  as have been in France for a week visiting my parents 

Will have a read through and catch up in a bit with everyones news 

x


----------



## Mands

Hi ladies
I hope it's ok to join in on this thread, although I am not the most prolific poster (recently) and I do need to catch up with all your personal stories, so please forgive my ignorance at this stage.
We made our decision ages ok to adopt and after taking time out after all out tx, we have our first meeting tomorrow with the agency. Can anyone please share their experience of what to expect?
We have left this really late, as we are trying to be a lot more laid back about adoption than we were (in the end) about treatment -but I suppose old habits die hard,   and I think I would like to be a little prepared of what to expect. 

Thanks very much for any replies - and I look forward to getting to know you all 

Mands xxx


----------



## Suzie

hi Mands  welcome to the thread 

The first initial visit is just an informal chat for most people. Just a run through of the process etc and a little getting to know you session  

I hope it goes well for you  let us know 

xx


----------



## saphy75

> Hi everyone
> 
> We're not actively considering adoption at the moment but I'm just interested in asking a few Q's if thats OK?
> 
> My cousin + her hubby went through the process recently and was told they could only adopt "an older or disabled child" which she did not feel confident about (never having had a child of her own - she was hoping for a baby or toddler). Is there any reason she would have been told this - she's 40, as is her husband, and he has a grownup son from a previous relationship (born when he was just 17). They have good jobs (both professionals), own their own home, have a supportive family and are financially solvent. I would have thought they would be ideal to adopt a child.
> 
> As for ourselves, well we already have one child who is likely to be our only due to our fertility issues. We've never really considered adoption, as I always assumed it was just too hard to be approved. Is it really that hard? I've heard that someone like me (with a history of depression) would not be accepted? Is there an upper age limit? Are you expected to have a certain level of income/own your own home etc?
> 
> Also, my partner and I had a fight after he was laid off at work last year and made the mistake of telling my Health Visitor, who sent Social Services after us (assuming there was a "Domestic Violence" situation going on). They only came once, talked to us both, could see that nothing was wrong and our son was fine and they never bothered us again, although they did write a "report" of their visit. Would this go against us if we ever did consider adoption in the future?
> 
> As I said, we're not actively considering adoption at the moment, I'm just curious. Thanks!


HI i have just merged this quoted post with this thread as it was in the chat room thread and had no answers but as i meant to do it the other day  and got side tracked, now it is few posts back so i thought i'd quote the full post so you all get chance to read it iyswim 

pam xx


----------



## Camly

hi all

hope everyone is good and hello to any newbies  

we are still ggoing thru our hs at the moment, sw'er met step kids and nephew yest, bit more indepth that i thot it would have been but hopefully it will have gone ok?

how is everyone else doing? x x x


----------



## Suzie

Hiya

It is quiet on here at the mo! 
Camly glad to hear things are progressing with your hs 

We are done , sw is writing up our new form F and we are just waiting for panel 

hope everyone is ok

x


----------



## Camly

hiya suzie


glad your done with your hs.  do u have your panel date yet?  x x


----------



## Spaykay

I'm still here Suzie!  

Just had 1st SW chat and it was fine and she seems lovely! WOOHOOOO!

Kay xxx


----------



## Suzie

Camly - panel is set for 22nd October but may be earlier if there is a cancellation 

Spaykay - thats great news that your sw is lovely 

x


----------



## Spaykay

woooo Suzie...lookin' good YAHEY!

Kay xxx


----------



## HFI

Hi everyone

Isn't the sunshine lovely      

Suzie - Hope you had a lovely time in France with your parents.  Maybe it was you that bought the sunshine to the UK  

Mands - Welcome to the thread.  I hope your first meeting went well on Monday.

Deborah - It was lovely to ready such a "happy" post.  I'm glad you had a nice birthday and Wedding Anniversary.  How did your individual interview go on Tuesday?  I think I'll be a little nervous about my individual interview.  Do they try and catch you out or is it to go through your profile?

Kay - I'm pleased to hear you like your SW, it's really important isn't it?  When she coming again?

Camly - It's good to hear your HS is going well.  When did you start (just trying to get an idea of how long HS can last).

Well that's the next stage for me    I had my last APT course yesterday and have another 2 essays to write for next week    My DH and I then have an interview next Thursday with the SW's from the course and then we will hopefully get allocated a SW and start HS.  Yesterday was quite a touch day on the course.  We talked about children we would be happy to be matched with and the different enviornment's that children come from........it made it all real!  Still really exciting though  

Hi to everyone else, hope you're all ok and looking forward to a sunny weekend  

Love H x


----------



## Spaykay

H you're a super poster! I really must try harder  

'm off to Menorca today so won't "see" you all for a week. Hope all goes well and that I come back to lots more news.

Kay xxx


----------



## HFI

Kay - Have a fab time in Menorca and thanks for the compliment


----------



## spatch

Hi everyone hope you are all well

I have finally been to a good info evening and have been told that they should be able to do an inital visit in Aug and prep course in Sept!!! So hopefully no more having to wait until next year!! 

However when i rang them this morning to say we would like to continue i was told our name were not on the list for the info evening Hello we were sent the letter inviting us We attended

And that someone would call So happy has come and gone and now im back to normal waiting. The excitement was short lived!!

Hope you are all enjoy the sunshine

Caz xx


----------



## Tibbelt

Oh hello all!

Sorry for not being on here for ages    - I've started working shifts and it's taking some getting used to!    I'm either heading to work in the middle of the night (driving to work and passing the drunks who haven't gone home yet really is a sign that you should still be in bed!!   ) or else starting later and not geting home till nearly midnight!

Any way - time to try to catch up!

Crusoe & Boomy - have you come down from   yet? Hope you both enjoyed celebrating your approvals!

Spatch - you keep hassling them honey, start as you mean to go on (seriously - I'm always on our SW's case!!!   ) - great that the info evening as good and that your timescales are nice and near! Sending you lots of  

Kay - have a great holiday honey (I'm not jealous at all ... honest!!!)    )

Suzie - hope oyu had a lovely holiday too heony and great news re the Oct date!  

HFI - great news that you're nearly at HS! Panel will be here before you know it!   Sending you lots of   for all those essays (I thought they'd be over after approval but no - we're still writing!!!    )

Camly - how's HS going honey? hope it's ok and not too stressful!  

Deborah - sounds like HS is flying ahead!   Great news, roll on panel!!  

Heather - how's things with you honey? hope you ok   and that HS is going well

Mands - welcome on board   Hope your appointment went well

Keeley - happy shredding!   hope you got your paperwork sorted (FYI - we've given our financial stuff about 3 times now! seems like they want it again and again at different stages of the process - so odn't shred too much!)


Ladymoonlight - as far as I'm aware there is no upper age limit for adoption but I do know that SS recomment an age gap of no more that 40 years between you and the age of the child you adopt - hope that helps. Also from everything I've experienced and heard from others nothing you describe would stop you from adopting but the best thing is to be honest with your SW and discuss all issues openly - that seems more important than any single event in itself - they do not expect us to be perfect, just v. honest and willing to learn etc. Hope that helps.  

Suffolklady - any news on your dates yet?

Saphy - hello! hope you and yours are all well  

 to anyone I've missed. Hope you all have a lovely weekend! Am off to sit in this gorgeous sunshine with a glass of wine! Byeee for now

lots of love to all
Sarah
xxx


----------



## Keeley

Hi everyone, 

Hope everyone is ok. Had an stressfull few days after a discussion with a s/w from our LA feel a little bit more at ease, she was soooo lovely , she said it would be better to look out of borough ( which we have already decided to do but though we would speak to LA 1st ) so i have started and been meet with brick walls in every direction, one LA told me no point blank as closed , i won't go into what they said but DH was fuming said it was racist/ageist and so have everyone else i spoken to, they could have worded it better. 

the borough im waiting to hear from on monday, Keep everything crossed for us !! 

i had a call a month ago from a lady there who told me closed to people outside the borough but 2 weeks later had a call from a gentleman who said out of borough is better, so i told him i would go the the information evening and go from there.

felt alittle deflated yesterday, felt like someone somewhere doesn't want us to be parents, I know adoption is a long hard journey which we are fully ready and waiting for , after the journey we have been on in last 2 years espeically the last year we are prepared

Think i was a little naive that LA loss and another ones gain. 
x 
Keeley x


----------



## Moppit

Dear Keely

I know exactly how you feel. I live in London and have now spoken to about 8 different boroughs all of which have been like brick walls. I either get told that they are closed to white couples or that they do not recruit outside the borough. Beginning to wonder if our only option is intercountry adoption. Seems so depressing to be turned away right at the start of what will already be a long and difficult journey.

Do let me know how you get on with the other boroughs and if anyone on the site who lives in London has had better luck please let me know who you contacted as running out of options. We are going to an Intercountry Adoption Information Day in August but do really want to pursue local adoption.

Moppit x


----------



## Keeley

Hi update.

found a LA so the ball is formed and going to start rolling


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Moppit said:


> Dear Keely
> 
> I know exactly how you feel. I live in London and have now spoken to about 8 different boroughs all of which have been like brick walls. I either get told that they are closed to white couples or that they do not recruit outside the borough. Beginning to wonder if our only option is intercountry adoption. Seems so depressing to be turned away right at the start of what will already be a long and difficult journey.
> 
> Do let me know how you get on with the other boroughs and if anyone on the site who lives in London has had better luck please let me know who you contacted as running out of options. We are going to an Intercountry Adoption Information Day in August but do really want to pursue local adoption.
> 
> Moppit x


Hi Moppit

I would get in contact with the VA's in your area- these are the voluntary agencies such as Bernardo's etc and they should be about to help you as they access you and then put you on the national register as they don't have children of their own to place however place children on behalf of LA's

I would email them all so not to have to repeat yourself on the phone

good luck
xxx


----------



## Tibbelt

Hello all!  

Hope everyone is ok, it's been so quiet on here recently! 

Keeley - great news on finding your LA!   Hope everything moves nice and quickly for you!

Moppit - any joy on finding an LA yet honey? I know how frustrating the search can be - sending you     & a  

Hope everyone else is ok and having a good weekend (though where did the sun go?   if you have any can you send some in my direction please!)

Bit of good news from us - we finally got our letter ratifying our approval, didn't realise until it arrived how much I'd been fretting about them changing their minds!   Lovely to have it in writing!!  

Have a great weekend all
lots of love
Sarah
xxx


----------



## suffolklady77

hiiii
was away last week at cub camp so just had a quick catch up ...somone asked about our dates...err weve got exit interview from prep group tomorrow hopefully then wait to be allocated a sw ..although I am a little worried as i have a mystery joint stiffness thingy atm and dont want them to see me hobbeling around like a 90 yr old! 
-Gayle


----------



## Tarango

Hello Virgins

It's a bit quiet on this thread at the moment - we don't want to fall off the page    
I hope everyone isn't getting too wet.... where has summer gone?  

A fair bit is happening in Tarangoland - HS is going along nicely, got another visit next week (with homework!), I've got a new job (hurrah) and start a week on Monday (very excited), also starting voluntary work in a nursery 1/2 day a week (it all happens at once!) and we are redoing our bedroom (time to be refreshed and bits re-plastered as it's all shot!)

DH is upstairs at the moment 'doing stuff' ..... I have always found it best to leave him to it and help paint when it is time...  

Do you find yourself imagining what sort of child you will eventually be matched with? I keep on thinking 'I wonder what they (s/he) will be like' .....  still keeps me out of mischief  

Have a good evening fellow virigins and fellow FF'ers  

love
T
xxx


----------



## spatch

hi all hope you are all well

we have good news our intial visit is on saturday this week!!!! YEAH!!! 

Hubby is decorating spare room at the moment so house is a tip and i am trying to get it clean for the weekend. Argh nightmare but am so happy dont care!! 

Have a gd week

spatch xx


----------



## Camly

great news spatch  


love camly  x x x 

hi to everyone else x x x


----------



## spatch

thanks calmy - we are really excited

Hows hs going?


----------



## HFI

Hi Tarango - Blimey you do sound busy!  Good luck with the new job and the voluntary work in the nursery - that will be so rewarding.  Is the bedroom finished yet??

Spatch - Hope everything goes well on Saturday.  It's great to hear you're "so happy"  

Hi Camly - Hope you are well and enjoying HS.

Everyone else is very quiet on here - must all be on holiday    Well whatever you are doing, I hope you're all well.

Not too much happening at the moment.  We've had our interview following the APT course and received a letter last week summarising their feedback and our comments - all was very positive.  We are now waiting to hear news of our SW, hopefully it won't be much longer.  I had my medical yesterday, no problems there apart from the cost  

Hi to everyone else.

Have a nice day.

H x


----------



## Tarango

Hi HFI, Camly, Spatch and fellow virgin ladies 

whooo-hoooo!!

The bedroom is finished!!! We 'moved' back in there last night and had a (sort of) good night sleep - up until 4.30 when my cat decided to have a nose around and walked over DH and then on to the bedside table (with glass of Squash on it) and then on the the window ledge and then back again - chatting away as he did so! (my cat 'chats' all the time!)   
Then it was raining quite hard so I laid listening to the rain for 2 hours, I was contemplating getting up when I must have nodded off and woke up again at 7.30....

We have had another HS visit, it's all going well. next time is individual session and then references are being contacted. SW is planning on taking us to panel either at the end of the year or beginning of next. She said 'I'm sorry it seems so far away' - but from where I'm sitting it is soo not far away at all! and then the exciting wait begins !!    

So far we are really enjoying HS - long may it continue!  

Hope everyone is well and enjoying the few bits of summer we seem to be having in amongst 'mid winter'  

I can't wait to start my new job and the nursery - it's all happening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sending lots of love and positive thoughts - sprry about the 'me' post  
a very excited 
T
xxx


----------



## Spaykay

Great news    Spatch! Good luck for Sat, hope the room looks good!

Hi all!  

Kay xxx


----------



## Camly

hi 

spatch - hs is going ok, we have had a few heavy sessions which i have found extremely hard. i know there is obviously a reason for all the questions etc. we are hoping to get a panel date by the end of the year. find it quite hard to get my  hopes up about anything, so many previous disappointments etc so it will be nice to get to that stage. we havent really told that many people that we are hoping to adopt either, just for the same reasons. so hopefully   once/if we get approved I AM GOING TO SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS!!  

H - hope you hear some news soon. im rubbish at waiting!  

Tarango - PM'd you sweetie.  

Kay - hiya  see you have a visit soon. keep us posted.  

Gayle - how did you exit interview go?  hope you get allocated a SW'er soon.

hi to everyone else. hope your all good.   

lots of love camly x x x x


----------



## Keeley

Hi

Hope everyone is doing well.

I need a bit of help. Im filling in our application forms and there is a tiny box that askes why you want to adopt everything i put down , i think sounds stupid or silly, i managed to fill an A4 piece of paper front and back,  can anyone give me any pointers x

Keeley x


----------



## Spaykay

Keeley I'm sure it's not stupid! The most important reason is that you want to be parents! THat's all it should be about really and that's why we're all here! I'm sure you'll have done great!

Kay xxx


----------



## spatch

Hi all hope you all well- just a quick one to let you know the inital visit went well - she was here an hour and half and we are now awaiting the letter to confirm the September Prep Course dates - first one is the 6th!!!

Spatch x


----------



## Spaykay

Spatch - great news that the SW visit went well hun, ours comes tomorrow.

Nicky - wooo hooooo a SW, isn't it so exciting when things get moving.

We had our last psycho inyerview today and she says that she intends to recommend us but it just depends on what the SW says when they get together. So fingers crossed she thinks we're fab too! Our first interview with her went well so I'm very hopeful!

Kay xxx


----------



## Spaykay

Nicki  feels great after so muich bloomin' dissappointment doesn't it! Hope you're still in merry land! have one on me!









Kay xxx


----------



## HFI

Hi all

Hope everyone is well.

Kay - Hope your SW visit goes well today.  Can I ask about your psycho interview yesterday?  What does it entail?

Spatch - So pleased your intital visit went well, fingers crossed you get on the September Prep Course - the 6th is only a few weeks away  

Keeley - I hope you've managed to fill in your application form and sent it off  

Tarango - How's the new job going?  I hope you're settling in ok.

Nicky - Fantastic news you've now been allocated a SW, that's what I'm now waiting for!  When is your first HS visit?  Really pleased you had a lovely weekend and enjoyed your birthday.  You're right, the weatherman got the forecast wrong where I live too - thank god!

So I am still patiently waiting to be advised of our SW, I was told we'd hear fairly soon.  DH and I have now had our medicals so I'm going to call them today to confirm what I need to do with the completed forms and whilst I'm on the phone, ask if we can have the details of our SW - cheeky I know  

Hope everyone else's journey's are going well and all those that have their families are keeping busy  

Hi to Camly and Gayle - hope you're all doing ok  

Hopefully I'll have some good news for you all soon  

Love H x


----------



## Spaykay

H - I'm living in Spain hun so it would probably be very different to what they do over there. You really just have to be sincere and honest and it's okay to show that you're excited! Good luck!  

Camly - caught up on your diary yesterday and phewey what a lots going on. In Spain (if the adoption doors were open at the mo) it's pot luck of months to up to 7 years!!! You can be lucky and be number 1 on a list for 45 kids or number 1000 on that list so have to wait and wait and wait...thus we're going abroad (+ lists in Spain are closed at the moment!)

Cheesey - don't know if you still look in on us but HELLO!  

Kay xxx


----------



## HFI

Good call Kay, I often wonder how Mr and Mrs Cheese are getting on.  It would be great to hear from you  

H x


----------



## Suzie

nicky , things are moving for you now 

Spatch -  you get on the sept course

Spaykay - things are moving on for you fab 

Keeley - sorry can't answer the questions for you as we didnt have to do any of that paperwork as we are foster carers already. I am sure some of the others can help 

HFi - hope you have some news soon 

Not much happening here, just want time to speed up to October 22nd! so we can get panel out of the way! Still trying to get my head around that K doesn't have to move on and I get to keep him forever 

 to all
Suzie x

p.s just read your post HFI , Mr cheese went to a competetive match panel last week and for them it wasnt to be this time round  hoping the match is round the corner for them 

x


----------



## Spaykay

We've been unofficially accepted (the man from delmonte he say yes! but not getting the paper work until 29th!)

Kay xxx


----------



## Suzie

Woo hoo  spaykay 

xx


----------



## Spaykay

Thank you...feels good doesn't it! 

Kay xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi all 

Hope all your adoption journeys are all going ok, we are in the middle of our H/S we got our 4th visit in two weeks time have been imformed by our SW that we haven't got many more visits left now, which I hopw is a good sign, it would be lovely if we get to panel and pass before christmas, what a lovely present that would be for us hey! We haven't had any dates for panel given to us yet though, I am not sure if the SW leave it until all H/S visits have been completed before they give you a panel date or towards the end of H/S visits, does anyone know what is involved with the review of the adoption H/S, we were told that another SW would be comming out soon with our SW for a review, speak to you all soon

spent enough time away from FF - so look out I'm back on form now.


take care

crazybabe


----------



## Camly

hiya 

kay - well done! congrats. hope my diary didnt bore you too much. 

cheeses - (if your reading) sorry to hear your news. fingers crossed you  dont have lng for another wait.  

HFI - hope you dont have long wait for your sw'er.

Nicky - congrats   

hi to everyone else. hope your all well. x x x


----------



## Spaykay

Camly, no   really interesting seeing how it goes in other countries and I know how each step feels and so want everyone to get their precious family,

Kay xxx


----------



## Spaykay

Where is everyone?  

Kay xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi Kay
I'm still here!!!! How are you? 

Big hello to everyone on here.

We're still in the midst of H/S. Had a visit earlier this week and our SW said that our form F is nearly completed and that we might be going to panel early     so can't believe it!! am trying not to get too excited, but it could be Oct/Nov!!! am really trying to reign myself in, after so long waiting and hoping I'm really scared to get my hopes up ...............I suppose it's 'cos we're so used to disappointments, but hopefully this time will be so different.

We had our health and safety check last week so I've even been looking for stair gates and waterproof bedding. I went onto Ebay and foolishly typed in "rubber sheets" all that came up was black latex fetish sheets!!! fell about laughing at that one    

So I'm back to getting excited about our "virtual children" wondering who they are and what they are going to be like, OMG I'm just so excited already and I don't even know anything more other than we might be going to panel early!!

We need a piccy of the two of us to put on our Form F, can I ask you all, did you have full length smiley pix, or just your faces?

anyway hello to everyone and I'll try to post more than I read!!

lol
Deborah

xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Deborah

I can imagine how you feel hun, we are in the middle of our H/S we are hoping to go to panel before christmas, we are having our 4th visit a week Monday, it's all going well, have you done much on your competency file yet we have done a little bit, but its quite difficult to know what to put down really, is form F the profile we do about our family background etc, I wish you all the luck in the world, I agree with you about getting excited though, I feel the same after having so many disappointments, it's lovely to move forward with the adoption and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck, PM me anytime

crazybabe


----------



## Tarango

Hello virgins,

hi Deborah - our La took a piccy of us during prep course (knew i should have done my hair! LOL) they just took a bit below shoulder (so mid arm) and above (if you get what I mean!)

Kay - whooo-hooooo bring on the paperwork!!    

whooo-hoooo everyone else 

quick update from tarangoland - HS is coming along nicely, we have another visit next week (individual ones   )
my new job is going well - had brain ache from all that learning! but should be good

T
xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

hi Tarango
good to hear that your H/S is going well, have sent you a PM about the individual interviews. good luck with them, hope that they go well, another step nearer to your family (that's how I'm looking at it) 
lol
Deborah
xxx


----------



## Tarango

Hi Deborah

thank you for your PM -    

I've replied back to you  
T
xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

hi tarango,
you're welcome hun 
have just spent 20 mins making a ticker and I can't get the pesky thing on my profile - have copied and pasted it into profile ticker but nothing   any suggestions folks??
thanks
lol
Dxxx


----------



## popsi

deborah... it goes in your signature not your profile hun, hope this helps xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

thanks hun, have just tried that but it's just come up with the text only aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgh!!!
xxxx


----------



## popsi

your history may be too long and its not all fitting in the signature, seems like your cutting the end off ?


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Debs

You need the BB code to past into your signature box or profile wall (it normally starts )
hope this helps
xxx


----------



## Spaykay

I think you're selecting the wrong one hun. It's the top box on ticker factory you select, and make sure you grab the whole lot!

Kay xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

woo hoo thanks guys I've done it!!!! would still have been sitting here frustrated if it wasn't for you. thanks xxxxxx     
(doesn't take much to amuse me!! )


----------



## popsi

nice ticker deb


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Popsi

How are you hun, what have you been up to over the bank holiday.

love

crazybabe

p.s Nice ticker Deb, I think I've done mine wrong


----------



## popsi

crazy Hiya  

I am ok thanks, how are you?

I not been up to that much over bank holiday, been sorting house out a little getting rid of old stuff etc..ready to decorate make the house children friendly lol...   i know but gives us something to do right now 

Did you do anything over the weekend ? .. good luck for your individual HS visit .. i bet your nervous about it, but your whizzing through now  

We cant wait to get started now 

love Andrea xxx


----------



## Spaykay

mmmmmm I wanna eat those ginger bread men! Run run as fast as you can...

Kay xxx


----------



## Camilla

Hello girls, 

Can I join you? I know this thread is called adoption virgins, but you are all so advanced! I'm glad there's someone here to learn from. We sent our application in two weeks ago, and now we have some dates in the calendar already! I'm impressed! We moved to Brussels 18 months ago, so the whole process is going to have to happen in French, which could make it quite interesting.... We have a dates for the first information meetings, 21st October and 4th November, and three dates for "Sensibilisation collective" in november and December. I don't even know what that means! I suppose it's some sort of group meeting. OMG. This is scary. 

I'm so glad something is happening already. I was meant to have FET last month, but all our 7 frozen embryos died. I still haven't come to terms with that I may never be pregnant again, but I want to keep that hope, as well as the hope that we'll be able to adopt. I just hope that somehow, one way or another, everything will fall into place, and I will try every avenue. I daren't pin all my hopes on adoption yet, in case it doesn't happen.

I'm relieved that things seem to be happening so quickly already, I have so many fears about why they might not let us adopt, I can think of a million reasons why they wouldn't let us (DH is 51, we have big debts, DH has a spent drug conviction from over 30 years ago (caught with a small amount of grass at a festival - of all the things that could be a show stopper, I hope it's not that), my family is not exactly straight-forward etc. etc.). Is it normal to be paranoid at this stage? If it's not a goer, I just hope we'll find out quickly. 7 years of IVF, and waiting is not exactly my favourite gate. As long as there is progress though, I don't mind, I'll wait till the cows come home. I'm just so scared of more disappointment. Not just my own, but DHs and DDs, who is now old enough to understand. When the ET didn't happen because the embryos didn't survive the thaw, and we still had to pay the clinic, she was furious. "All the want is our money, mum", she said, and stamped her feet. She certainly didn't hear that from me. But she might have had a point. 

Would love to hear of your experiences of the "early stages". How long does it take until you get a good idea about whether you're in with a chance or not? 

Love
Cam


----------



## Spaykay

Welcome Camilla Did I ever feel 'paranoid' Yup, the whoooooole time. Am only now relaxed that they've said yes. I did the process in Spain so know how it feels to be a bit lost with it all. We were all virgins on here just 6 months ago when the thread started, wow time flies. You will also feel like you're always waiting around, but when you get past each step it truely feels amazing, I've found it much more rewarding than tx. I hope you manage to find out if any of your worries are obstacles. With age over here they average between the 2 people and there has to be a 40 year difference between the age of the child and the adults. But over 40s have no problem adopting just that their children would be older. For example, if your average age were 45 then the youngest child you could adopt would be 5. It could be very different there but I don't see it being anything they would say no to.

Good luck with it all and glad you joined us. If you want to see how paranoid we've all been then please read the adoption diaries.  

Kay xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

hi crazybabe
your ticker is fab - very pretty. I'm just pleased that I eventually managed to get mine done - it was so annoying when I couldn't load it properly!!

Spoke to my SW today to check what our next step is and she said that we have to complete our chronologies, family trees , and ecomap. The chronologies I'm ok with (as they are the addresses where we have both lived) the family trees will be ok, although mine will actually be a forest!!! but I'm wracking my brains as to just exactly what an ecomap is?!!!! any ideas greatly appreciated!! have spent tonight looking at baby gates on Ebay!! but trying not to get too carried away!! haven't actually bought anything yet. 

yep Camilla have felt totally paranoid several times and have even thought that there's no way we'll get through the adoption process but on our last few visits our SW has been talking about "when" they place children with us and previously it had been "if" so I do feel more confident now, but it's taken awhile. Good luck with your journey Camilla.

Kay get yer mitts off my gingerbread men.................I'm saving them for my L.O's when they come!!!! (let's hope that the sell by date is a goodun!!)

lol
Dxxx


----------



## HFI

Hi girls

It's been very interesting reading all about your tickers - maybe I'll have a good at doing mine soon  

Camilla - Welcome to the thread and good luck with your journey.  I hope you get answers to your concerns soon so you can feel a bit more relaxed about the process.

Kay - Many congrats  .  Not long now until 29th, what happens once you receive the paperwork?

Tarango - Good luck with your individual interviews next week.  Do you get interviewed at the same time by different SW's or does one of you have to sit and wait for your turn  

Deborah - Fantastic news your panel date might be early.  It's weird because although I haven't started HS yet, I've already done my Ecomap!  In Hertfordshire we have another course after the prep course which does cause a delay before starting HS but at least we have a headstart with the paperwork.  Our Ecomap consists of me and my DH's name in the middle (in a box) and then names of our support network coming off of us!  The details for each support person include name, age, how many times we see them, how far away they live and their ethnic origin.  I'm assuming that's what you need to do but you might want to check, just in case  

Crusoe - Thanks again for your reassuring message.  I hope you get a match very soon  

Crazybabe - Thanks for the PM.  I've responded to you this morning  

Mr Cheese - So sorry to hear your news.  Fingers crossed you and Mrs Cheese have a successful match very soon  

Things have been moving forward for me.  We've now had our SW allocated...................YIPPEEEEEE   She is on holiday for the first 2 weeks of September but she's made a date to come and see us on 16th September to start HS - very excited  .  We've also had our medicals done and they've been sent off - no problems there I hope  

Does anyone go to the Children's evenings?  I assume it's not worth going until you've been or are getting close to being approved?  The next one in our area is 11th September and I'm going to see Madonna that night so can't go but I have been told by people that do go there are lots of potential adoptive parents there - sounds quite daunting.

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all doing well and moving forward with your journeys.

Have a nice day  

Love H x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

HFI said:


> Deborah - Fantastic news your panel date might be early. It's weird because although I haven't started HS yet, I've already done my Ecomap! In Hertfordshire we have another course after the prep course which does cause a delay before starting HS but at least we have a headstart with the paperwork. Our Ecomap consists of me and my DH's name in the middle (in a box) and then names of our support network coming off of us! The details for each support person include name, age, how many times we see them, how far away they live and their ethnic origin. I'm assuming that's what you need to do but you might want to check, just in case


Thats how are ecomap was too- we did it and then the asdmin at the LA put it into proper format for it to go into our formF- you need to put your strong supports nearest to you (mainly people you will see alot) then other supports further away so these for us are my friends who live where i grew up ect as i wont see them much however i do email/text/phone them

hope this helps

Mez
xxxx


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi H & MJ
Thanks very much for your replies, I had previously made a start on our "support network" but hadn't realised that it was the same as an "eco map"    so I'm pleased as I didn't have a clue what an eco map was!!

Have been looking at various paraphernalia on the internet including safety gates - can't believe that they are making about £15 each on Ebay, might as well buy them new for that cost!! Have any of you started shopping yet? I'm just doing some virtual shopping at the moment as I don't want to buy anything just yet as it's way too early,

can't believe that the footy is back on the tv tonight  that means the summer is over!! didn't actually notice the summer starting where I am!!

lol
Deborah
xxx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Deborah

I have to say i am a fan of the wall fixed stair gates and they are the cheapest at about £16 each!

enjoy your "shopping"

xxx


----------



## Spaykay

Deborah - I'm not too happy about the football, DH loves it and I don't!  

Not sure about how I get the 'paperwork'. They didn't call so I guess they send it through the post. So glad she's already told me they're going to approve us or else I'd be going potty!  

Kay xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

hi all
MJ would you mind telling me what "brand" of stair gate you use? I'm thinking of (when the time is right!!) getting the Lindam ones, any advice?
am currently doing some virtual shopping - so far have looked at cots and buggies   and decided which ones I like!! am much more positive now as I didn't even do that all through any of my treatment!!!!!

Our SW is visiting our next lot of referees tomorrow - so fingers crossed that all goes well - they're my Godsons Mum and Dad - so it should do!!!

anyway it's all moving in the right direction - just need to be patient!!! but after 9 years of waiting for our family I'm getting very inpatient!! anyone else feel the same?

lol
Dxxx


----------



## Spaykay

I resisted buying a lovely quilt yesterday. Might buy it tomorrow though.

Kay xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi kay.....................I'd probably buy it - I have zero will power!! bought a beautiful book called "guess how much I love you" by Sam McBratney, it's really gorgeous, am planning on reading it to my LO's, read it to DH this morning and he thought it was really cute. Pleased to hear your journey is going so fast that's really wonderful hun, have everything crossed for you,
take care
lol
Dxxx


----------



## daisyboo

Hello
Just loke you i am virtual shopping  although i have bought a few things and hidden in the wardrobe so far
2 x teddy bears 
1 x story book (adoption)
HAve also started on Winnie Pooh Tapestry  to frame and put on wall felt like i needed to put something of me in there  have already painted computer room WHOOPS our future ones little room have bought curtains,SW said to take a picture of Childs bedroom etc how can i when i don't know if i need a cot or a bed 

Going back to the book you said about have you seen the memory book in WH Smith i was going to buy it for when i did my life book, that's called Guess how much i love you and that was lovely but i opted for an ELC scrap book instead it's brill got stickers and everything lol
Good Luck Ladies


----------



## Spaykay

Thanks D. DO you reckon I should buy the quilt then? It's reduced from 70 euros to 30. Although we should get our paperwork soon, it'll be about 2 years before we're parents.

Kay xxx


----------



## daisyboo

OOPs sorry back again i nearly bought a quilt on ebay called a 100 wishes, it's an old chinese tradition ( i think) that each family member stiches fabric and attaches a wish for the new arrival something like that anyway, well she makes them for you as i do not have 100 family members even if i did they would not sticth for toffee lol


----------



## Spaykay

awwww, that sounds lovely. My quilt was just a normal kids one. I'll have a look tomorrow again. Don't want to count my chickens too soon though.

I've started telling people we've been unofficially excepted and I wish people were a bit more excited for us. If I'd said I was pg but it's early days they'd be thrilled, why can't they do the same for adoption, it's the same for me, I've just found out we're going to be parents.  

Kay xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

hi Kay,
I'd buy the quilt if I was you, reduced from 70 to 30 Euros is a bargain. I totally understand what you mean about people not being excited for you, it's exactly the same for me......it's probably because they don't know what to say, and yes you're right if you had a bump then they would actually have something to focus on, I think it's because the timescales are unknown whereas with a pregnancy it's pretty certain give or take a few weeks. I can't speak for all of us on here but I bet that like me we're all thrilled that you've been approved. 
hi daisy
how exciting for you......not long till you go to panel, you must be wishing the days away. I'll have a look for the memory book in WHSmith, it sounds gorgeous, although the 100 wishes quilt sounds really special too, I'm going to have a look for it on Ebay,  

lol
Dxxx


----------



## Spaykay

Awwww, thanks D  

Kay xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

Kay, you're welcome hun xxxxxx


----------



## Spaykay

I'm still gonna munch your gingerbread men though  

Kay xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

you rascal!!! I'm saving those for my L.O's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol
Dxxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Deb

That book called "Gusess how much I love you" sounds so cute, have you SW told you how your doing yet - I want to start buying little things but DH won't let me yet he said we got to be approved 01st   never mind as soon as we have been approved there will be no stop in me then, I think I will get the safety locks for the cupborads etc though they are only £10 in argos for a pack of socket covers, supboard locks and corner things - have your SW given you any indiciation when they are going to give you panel date, have you got to wait to the end of HS before they give you an offical date or does this get done before - sorry for the questions, this is something I wont to know but afraid to ask our SW in case she think we are jumping the gun a bit.  How many visits have you had up to now, we got our 04th tomorrow, don't know what wwill be discussed.

take care

speak soon

crazybabe


----------



## Spaykay

we have the book 'Guess how much I love you' at school. I bought a book for our kids about 7 years ago b4 we even started trying lol

Kay xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Kay

Is the book good, how are you I haven't spoke to you for ages.

we got our 4th H/S visit with SW tomorrow - will let you know how it goes.

speak later

crazybabe


----------



## Spaykay

Crazybabe - it's about a rabbit who is saying how much it loves it's mum and it's mum always says it loves it a bit more ie I loved you to the mmon....well I love you to the sun etc. etc. and can't remember the ending now  

Good luck for your next H/S hun  

Kay xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

Words from "Guess How Much I Love You"
Little Nutbrown Hare, who was going to bed, held on tight to Big Nutbrown Hare's very long ears.
He wanted to be sure that Big Nutbrown Hare was listening. "Guess how much I love you," he said. 
"Oh, I don't think I could guess that," said Big Nutbrown Hare. 
"This much," said Little Nutbrown Hare, stretching out his arms as wide as they could go. 
Big Nutbrown Hare had even longer arms.
"But I love you this much," he said. Hmm, that is a lot, thought Little Nutbrown Hare.
"I love you as high as I can reach," said Little Nutbrown Hare. 
"I love you as high as I can reach," said Big Nutbrown Hare. 
That is very high, thought Little Nutbrown Hare.  
I wish I had arms like that.
Then Little Nutbrown Hare had a good idea.
He tumbled upside down and reached up
the tree trunk with his feet.
"I love you all the way to my toes!" he said.
"And I love you all that way up to your toes," said Big Nutbrown Hare,
swinging him up over his head.
"I love you as high as I can hop!" laughed Little Nutbrown Hare,
bouncing up and down.
"But I love you as high as I can hop," smiled Big Nutbrown Hare-
and he hopped so high that his ears
touched the branches above.
That's good hopping, thought Little Nutbrown Hare.
I wish I could hop like that.
"I love you all the way down the lane as far as 
the river," cried Little Nutbrown Hare.
"I love you across the river and over the hills,"
said Big Nutbrown Hare.
That's very far, thought Little Nutbrown Hare.
He was almost too sleepy to think anymore.
Then he looked beyond the thornbushes, 
out into the big dark night.
Nothing could be farther than the sky.
"I love you right up to the moon,"
he said, and closed his eyes.
"Oh, that's far," said Big Nutbrown Hare.
"That is very, very far."
Big Nutbrown Hare settled
Little Nutbrown Hare into his bed of leaves.
He leaned over and kissed him good night.
Then he lay down close by 
and whispered with a smile,
"I love you right up to the moon and back."

brought tears to my eyes  

lol
Dxxx


----------



## crazybabe

deb - that is so sweet   

crazybabe


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi CB,
I think we've had about 6 or so visits  and also 1 each on our own, also one to each of our 4 referees. Our SW said during our last visit that she was almost ready to complete the Form F. We just have to complete our Chronologies, Eco Map and Family trees (mine will be a family forest!!) We were told initially that we'd be likely to be going to panel in Dec, but at the last visit our SW said that we were likely to go to panel early (Oct/Nov) so that's really exciting. We had our health and safety check last visit and we have to get electrical plug socket covers/ fire guard/ cupboard door safety stoppers etc etc. I'm not too excited about buying them, I'd rather buy a cot, a buggy, and don't even mention clothes and shoes!!! I daren't even look at those yet!!!

I think that we're probably at the same stage, so that's exciting.

lol
Dxxx


----------



## Spaykay

Blimey...glad I'm over here, only popped to the house once and then I had to pointg out dangers to her as she just cared that they had a room! I think we had it easy for over here too though, others had more rigorous visits....

I'm gonna get that quilt and have just added some books to my basket on amazon, won't click buy until I have the papers though  

Kay xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hiya Deb

You seem to be more in front of us, althoough we do things different as we did our Chronologies, Eco Map and Family trees for our homework after our 01st visit, we haven't had our health & safety check yet, but I will get the child saftey set in either mothercare £10 or argos £12 soon, I know after our visit tomorrow I'll be exicted I was after my individual visit in july SH had his visit 2 and half weeks ago so it seems ages since we saw SW, so I am looking forward to tomorrow.

take care

speak soon

crazybabe


----------



## popsi

hi sorry ladies.. what are your Chronologies


----------



## crazybabe

Hiya Popsi

Chronologies, are information about your family background, education, employment etc

crazybabe


----------



## popsi

thanks crazybabe.. feel so   sometimes as dont know the terms


----------



## crazybabe

Popsi - Your welcome hun - when the SW 01st said to us here is what you have to do for homework by the next time I see you, I thought OMG - but my DH and I went through it together to understand what we needed to do, we did a lot more than we were asked to do but we impressed the SW so that was good   .

speak soon hun

crazybabe


----------



## popsi

crazybabe.. i know where to come from advice when we start ours then   , thanks again, Andrea xx


----------



## crazybabe

Popsi

Any questions hun - Just ask, I'll answer and help you with what I can.

Good luck!!!

crazybabe


----------



## superal

Deborah - I bought "Guess how much I Love You" for our DS all those years ago when we adopted him, 11 years ago now...................DD now has the story on her book shelf & DS will quite often say when he hears her reading it, "Mum & Dad bought that for me, I remember it!"............good choice!!


Did yours come with the free rabbit??  It wasn't available with the rabbit when I bought ours.

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ladies

Deb- the gate i have is the lindam gate - http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/3755486/Trail/searchtext%3ESTAIR+GATES.htm , we have 1 metal one for the longue/stairs and a wooden one on DS bedroom door

Do any of your ladies need a cooker guard? its from Safety 1st, we brought it however its not suitable for our cooker and sat in the box, its suitable for a cooker top that is within the work top and not a normal fre standing cooker- if intrested please pm me

hi to everyone

xxx

/links


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi all,
well my SW is going to see our referees this afternoon and I feel really anxious!! I don't know why as I know that they will both speak really highly of us!!

Kay - after being in Spain sa few weks ago - I really loved it , it was beautiful - where abouts are you? What took you to Spain?

CB - good luck for your visit today, hope that it all goes well. Have you bought the safety set yet? I'm not sure which one to get.

Andrea - my book came with the DVD, it didn't come with a rabbit, but I think I'll keep my eyes peeled for one, any ideas where I might get one from?

MJ - thanks for the Lindam stair gate link. Have just loked at the link and the stair gates come with a free safety pack - offer valid till Jan 09!! Have PM'd you about the cooker guard,

hope that you are all well,
lol
Dxxx


----------



## superal

Deborah - Try "amazon" website or waterstones.  Other than that just do a search on the net for the book & see what it brings up..............it is a lovely story & when I first spotted it, i could imagine myself reading it to our little one & on his first night that is exactly what we did.

loveAndrea
x


----------



## Dee Jay

hi Andrea
Are we related?!!!!        that's exactly what I plan to do. I have already pictured myself doing it. I read it to DH yesterday morning and he loved it. I just can't wait to be reading it to my very own L.O.'s 
Will keep my eyes peeled for a toy Big NutBrown Hare, he's be so cute, thanks for that,
lol
Dxxx


----------



## Spaykay

D I live in Madrid, the furthest away from the beach I could possibly be! Serves me right for having bad geography skills when I took the job. I was 24 and it was either quit teaching and look for a new career or leave the country!   1 year later I met my Spanish DH and 10 years later here I am!

Kay xxx


----------



## daisyboo

Hello all Who wanted the Hare i have found it on ebay, am i allowed to put the item number in, not sure how to attach the link  in,
Sorry if i'm not 
Item number: 300249040060


There are loads on ebay they are so cute think i might indulge too


----------



## Spaykay

I think the author should donate some money to FF!

Kay xxx


----------



## wynnster

Hi Guys

Just got to share this with you, brought this yesterday and it looks fab! (haven't tried it yet though  )

http://www.tomy.co.uk/products/discovery-forget-me-not-photo-album/

We're going to use it to introduce munchkin to family and friends and we didn't include them in our family book due to ds's age but could be useful alongside your faimly album

xxxxx

/links


----------



## Suzie

wynnster that is lovely  fab idea 

x


----------



## Spaykay

that's really cute.

Kay xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

hello?!!!!
where is everyone? 
hopefully not washed away in the rain?? it took me 2 hours to drive 25 miles home from work on Friday night ggggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

my Guess How Much I love You Little Nutbrown Hare cuddly toy arrived yesterday OMG it is just so cute, now has pride of place in the "spare room" also got my 3 GHMILY cross stitch patterns from Ebay, I'm sending them to my Mum for her Birthday so that she can do them for her new grandchildren to be!!  how cheeky am I?

hope everyone has had a good weekend,
lol
Deborah
xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

OMG OMG OMG WE'VE GOT A DATE FOR PANEL - 4TH NOVEMBER 2008.

I know I'm shouting!! but I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO Excited.

lol
Deborah
xxxxx


----------



## Suzie

Have posted on your other thread but just wanted to say  Fab news

Won't be long! 

x


----------



## sara1

Hi Girls,
I am new to this - have been chatting to others on FF from Northern Ireland but as only one of them is going through adoption I decided to move to here.   
My DH and I have been trying to conceive for 8 years now with no joy - not even one pregnancy that I know of.  I have PCOS, slight endometriosis and a blocked tube.  We tried Clomid and Metformin and was about to start IVF when I decided I had had enough - that this wasn't the way I wanted us to have our family. 
So that was about 18 months ago and we decided over time that we wanted to adopt.  We have decided on international adoption from Thailand - had initially wanted China but we have heard of horrendous waiting times which put us off.  Does anyone know what the waiting times are for Thailand or China?
I rang SS last week and we have started the adoption process.  We are going to an Adoption Information Evening next week where we will get more info and get to talk to SW and other people who have adopted.  I am really nervous and sometimes think to myself do I really want to go through this? - is it normal to fell like this or should I not be considering adoption because I feel like this?
Please help.  I would really appreciate your words of wisdom and support.
Sara


----------



## Spaykay

DEBORAH! SHOUT AWAY HUN WAHHHHEYYYYYYY!  

SARA - welcome. All feelings are normal I think hun, it's a huge step we're taking! Don't know waiting times but China is at least 3 years over here in Spain and I heard someone say for the year 2017 or something extremeley scary on here, but that's from England, every country is different.   No idea for Thailand though I'm afraid. We are going to adopt from Ethiopia.

Kay xxx


----------



## sara1

Hi Kay,
Yea I heard 2017 for adoption from China.  We are not prepared to wait that long.  Although I realise that whatever country we decide on there will probably be quite a long wait. 
Hope everything goes well for your adoption.  What stage are you at in the process?

Sara


----------



## Spaykay

I've just been approved and get my certificate to show so on Friday! YAY! My wait should be about 2 years for Ethiopia I think (once I've found an agency and they've got my paperwork)

Kay xxx


----------



## Tarango

hello everyone

     whooo hooooo yay!! Deborah!!!!! am very excited for you - not long to go until panel !!!

and also yay to Spaykay - now the exciting bit starts!!

Welcome Sara, can't really give any info on going abroad, hopefully some of the ladies on here Will be able to advise you  

well it's all happening in Tarangoland - HS is going well, had individual sessions last week and I have to say they were not as bad as I thought -Deborah - she didn't ask about you-know-what!!!     
All set for medicals if the Dr ever gets back to us   

DH & I are supposed to be going to Cuba in a couple of weeks but looking at a different forum (where people are 'reporting' back about Cuba as the BBC were not covering it much   ) the hotel we are supposed to be staying in has not fared very well. It is where Hurricane IKE came ashore and took practically a direct hit ..... so am now worried in case tour operator sends us there anyway and we are in a disaster zone - don't get me wrong, I feel for the cubans out there but think they possibly have better things to think about than making sure we are fed and watered - they need to make sure they are ok .... 
according to the other forum - no-one from my hotel has been injured or hurt, it's just the buildings

sorry about the me bit and please don't read anything horrible in my post about the Cubans


----------



## Spaykay

Cuba is absolutely fantastic! Are you going to be in La Habana or Varadero or somewhere else? Are you going with an agency? We went to Mexico after a hurricane hit and half our hotel was shut but the half they reopened was absolutely fantastic and noone else was there! Very private thanks to the norty winds. I hope the same goes for you  

Kay xxx


----------



## Tarango

hi, 
we are (hopefully) going to Guardalavaca (SP?) it's top right part of Cuba .... hopefully it'll be ok - just a bit worried after the 'forum reports' ..... we are going with first choice who today have  cancelled this week's people going there and have also said to another person it didn't hit our hotel - the other forum have reports from people at the hotel saying what damage has been done!  

hopefully it'll all be ok and we can relax on our first (and probably last) 'big' holiday !!!

PS - would you believe the doctor has just called - we are going in for our 'full medical' on Thursday eve!!!    best wear matching undies from what he said   

have a good evening everyone 

xxxxx


----------



## Spaykay

So long as you don't both wear thongs!!!!  

If the hotel is poop then the agency should move you. They tend to to reconstruct places bloomin' fast too as they need the tourism. Our Mexico hotel was improved minute by minute.

Kay xxx


----------



## HFI

Hi ladies

It's so quiet on here at the moment, how is everyone?

I know some of you are well, I have been reading your diaries 

Tarango - Pleased to hear your medicals have been completed and homestudy is going well. Really sorry your holiday got cancelled but at least you're gonna book a late get away, anything for a bit of sunshine eh!  Funny coz me and my DH are going to Cuba in January but we're going to Varadero which wasn't affected by the recent disasters.  Cuba must be the place to be at the mo    We're also going to Prague next Saturday for a long weekend, can't wait.  Best to have all these lovely holidays while we can  

Kay - Great news you've been approved    Hope you've received your certificate now to prove it!  You said you should have to wait 2 years to be matched with a child - is that because it's Ethiopia or is that just how it works when adopting abroad?  My friend is hoping to adopt from Russia - not sure if there are any delays from there?

Sara - Welcome to the board and good luck with your adoption journey in Thailand  

Deborah - FANTASTIC NEWS - you've got a panel date.  Not long to wait at all, you must be soooooo happy  

Well I've got LOTS of news (all good) although it does seem too good to be true    We met our social worker for the first time last Friday and she's lovely.  I can't believe how organised she is (like me really so that's good).  We've already put dates in the diary for all our homestudy sessions, it works out we have one every other week until the beginning of December.  I already know what we will discuss at each meeting because we done alot of the work when we had our second course in July.  I know other counties don't have that second APT course but looking back I think it has made us a lot more prepared for homestudy.  Our social worker has said if all goes well, she hopes we will go to panel end of January / beginning of February.  I was expecting a 6 - 8 month wait before panel so it sounds too good to be true.  Is this the kind of timescale others have had for homestudy and do you see your social worker every other week?  I thought some months we might only get to see her once.

So at the moment I am VERY happy but not getting too happy just in case something goes wrong  

Last Friday we went through the dog questionnaire and the health and safety checks, both went really well and I'm so happy to say my dog was an absolute star  .  One of my big problems is he is very bouncy and energetic and I'm always worried I will get told we have to get rid of him    The social worker said he was lovely and she doesn't see any problems..........long may his good behaviour continue  

I hope everyone is well and feeling happy like me  

Have a great week, I will keep you posted  

Love H x


----------



## Suzie

HFI - great news for you  Fab that you have a organised sw , it really does help 

We are 4 weeks to panel today !  Sw came yesterday and said if we can get in earlier we will do   as all paperwork ready etc
Feels like I am holding my breath at the moment  K has been here over a year now and just want them to say he can stay forever

Love to all
suzie x


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi Girls
Good to hear all is going well. Hogan, I too was worried about my woofer as he's just not used to children, but our SW said in our Form F that all was ok, and she had no concerns........... so that's such a relief.

We are just going through our Form F and making a few changes - nothing major - just a few bits that don't read properly, it has to be done by 30th September 2008. We have our 2nd opinion visit on 30th September too.

Well panel is less than 6 weeks away and we are both really excited. DH says he isn't thinking about it at the moment, but I'm sure that he is.

We've bought our baby gates, my buddy has given us electric plug covers and I have my Guess How Much I love you books and DVD, and small nutbrown hare. 

Am so trying to reign myself in!!! but it's just so hard after 8 years waiting I'm finally going to be a mummy, and I'm just starting to realise that  

hope that you are all happy and well,
lol
D
xxx


----------



## SR3

I'm new to this site and not sure where to start.  I'm at the stage of having to make a decision on IVF or adoption.  I've had several Laps to discover that my one existing ovary is surrounded by adhesions after removal of a 21cm dermoid cyst.  We've now been trying to 3 years and need some advise on what to do next.

I hear so many different things about adoption and how long you have to wait before you can start applying if you go down the route of any fertility treatment... am I correct in thinking you have to wait 1 year ??

I just don't know what to do next and hubby isn't exactly helping


----------



## sara1

Suzie and Deborah - hope the waith doesn't seem to long to you both until panel.  You both must be so excited.  I wish we were at that stage but we are just starting out so a long way away yet.

HFI - so glad you have an organised SW.  Hope we are lucky enough that way as I like everything to be highly organised. 

SR3 - It's not an easy decision to make - I went through a minimum of fetility tx (clomid and metformin tablets) and then decided it wasn't for me.  Your DH sounds a bit like mine (wants me to make all the decisions) but he is so excited now that we have started the adoption journey.  I can honestly say I felt relief when I gave up on fertility tx but this may not be the same for you.  Just take your time in making up your mind (you don't want to do something you later regret).

Spaykay - hope things are progressing well for you and your DH.

Sara


----------



## Spaykay

Cheers Sara...didn't get the approval papers as thought, just papers from SW and psych to hand in to then get approved   Takes so long! But not worried as have been told we are mega super  

SR3 - I think only your heart can tell you what you really want. You have to wait 6 months with most LAs after IVF, but if you are always going to wish you'd given it a go then it's worth trying it. I really didn't want the tx route but DH really wanted to so we've tried EVERYTHING going   And now we've reached adoption and are both ready. Don't not try IVF just because of time (unless time really is an issue, sorry, didn't look at your age  ), I'm glad in the end that we rules out everything so that it's never a question at the back of my mind and I now don't worry about looking at pg ladies, rubbing their tummies or holding babies, as I'm gonna be a mum in my special way, but that's becasue I'm now ready. Okay, so I'm waffling. It's so much a choice of your own feelings and I wish you luck  

Kay xxx


----------



## Keeley

Hi all

Though i would pop on and say Hello.

We went to our information evening last night, was touch and go if we were going to be the only couple for a while but another couple turned up. I was nice spending some time to ask the questions we want etc before others were around.

The lady that spoke about her exprience was amazing , i could of listened to her for hours, when we come out DH said i had tears in my eyes listening to her. bless his heart.

My head was swimming with all the information and by the time we got home i just went to bed (about 10ish) 

DH woke up this morning so happy and excited about adoption, his like a new man and its so nice to see him this happy. 

I read on another forum about a drug called tamoxfin think thats whats its called, i want to find out more about that as well.

tonight we are going to have a little chat and speak some more and we are both 99.5% sure we are going to accept this LA.

Though i would share, the ball is slightly moving now x

Keeley x


----------



## sara1

Keeley,

So glad the info evening went well for you both.  Hope everything proceeds well for you both and you get your much longed for LO.

Sara


----------



## Suzie

Glad the info evening went well for you Keeley  

3 weeks tomorrow to panel!  ! just want it to hurry up 

love to all
suzie xx


----------



## Debs

I want it to hurry up too suzie     Not long though and then you can start to relax and enjoy  

I know ive been awol on here for a while but im still about - still reading and seeing what you are all up to.  Im hoping to catch you all in chat later if i get home at a decent hour.

A week today we start out course so we are all excited about that  

We just keep thinking that this christmas may be our last one on our own  

Hopefully catch you later.

Love

Debs xxx

ps:  anyone who needs the password for tonights chat can you pm either saphy or MJ as no good pming me as wont be home till later    The password is effective now incase anyones trying to get in


----------



## Suzie

Debs - Only one week to go until your journey starts  fab 

I don't think I will fully breathe until the court date in the new year 

xx


----------



## Spaykay

None of us will be virgins anymore soon   We'll have all lost our adoption virginity and be adotively pregnant and have babies WOOHOOO!!!

Kay xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

hi guys,
how are you all? 
we had our 2nd opinion visit and it went well, just talked about the homestudy and gave our feedback on what we thought about it. we were asked about how our SW and the process of going through the home study and if we found the process intrusive. We said that we couldn't praise our SW highly enough, and that we thought that she had been highly organised, very efficient, delivered everything when she said that she would, and all in all excellent at her job. We read the Form F and it made me laugh and cry, it very accurately reflected both of us and was very well written. So now it's the wait for panel!!

hope that you are all well,

lol
D
xxx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hello everyone  

Another newbie (adoption virgin) here. Can I join you?

We're just about to send our forms off - we've been told by our LA that we need to wait until 6 months after we've completed IVF before we can apply to make sure we've had time to come to terms with it all. 

It would be lovely to share the journey with others who are treading this road or who've been down it before me. 

I found the over 40s thread really good when I was going through treatment and have already been encouraged by the positive experiences of adoption others have reported on some of the adoption threads here.  

TTC has left me feeling very old and tired at times but the joy and happy endings of people on these threads has given me new hope. 

I look forward to getting to know you all.  

CG xxxx


----------



## Spaykay

Welcome CG to the mad house!   Nah, we're lovely.

My news - feeling pants, all in my diary so won't repeat, blooming legislation and paper work.  

Kay xxx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Dear Kay, hoping you have good news soon.    

CG xxxx


----------



## Spaykay

Awwww, thanks CG .... hope to hear something next week  

Kay xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

hi Guys
how are you all? Nothing much here to report, just waiting for panel date, seems like ages to go. Been looking at kiddy stuff on web, so much to choose from!! am so looking forward to choosing stuff for our family.
anyway hope that you are all well,
lol
D
xxx


----------



## HFI

Hi Ladies

Kay - Really sorry to hear things aren't going smoothly for you right now.  Hang in their and stay positive, I'm confident you'll receive some good news soon.  I loved your post when you said none of us will be Virgins soon - it really put a smile on my face  

Suzie - Your panel date is next week, I bet you're getting excited.  Fingers crossed everything goes well for you.

Debs - I hope your course went well last week.  You mentioned this may be the last Christmas you have alone, I keep thinking the same.  I only hope it doesn't take too long to be matched - it really is anyone's guess isn't it.  Actually I'm not gonna think like that, positive thinking   

D - Glad your 2nd opinion visit went well.  Fingers crossed you get your panel date through really soon.

CG - Welcome to the Adoption Virgins thread    I hope you managed to get your forms in the post.  I really recognise you but I can't think where from.  What threads have you posted on in the past?  Good luck with your journey.

Keeley - So pleased to hear you are moving forward and the Information Evening went well.  Look forward to sharing your journey with you  

Hi to Sara, Tarango and anyone else out there    Hope you are all well.

I've been keeping busy with homestudy.  Last week I had my individual interview which went well, I didn't stop talking    DH has his interview next week.  We had to write a summary profile last week that we found quite hard.  Although we already had written the info in previous homework, when we found out it would be the first thing a child's social worker would read on us when deciding on matching, it scared me.  It's such an important document, I just wanted it to be perfect.  Our SW said it was great so hopefully it was    Next week it's Grandparents evening so our parents are going along to hear all about adoption.  I think it's a really good idea, we prepare for this journey for a long time but our parents who will be a big part of our children's lives might not be so clear about their journey.  They are all looking forward to it  

We're also going to a Children's evening next week.  Although we're not approved, we are encouraged to go.

So a busy few weeks ahead, it's so good to know we are moving forward   

Have a great day everyone and take care.

Love H x


----------



## sara1

Hi HFI - so glad to hear things are moving on for you both.  I think Grandparents evening sounds great as it really includes them in the whole journey to adoption.  Don't know if we will experience anything like that as we are going intercountry.

Spaykay - hope your problems get resolved soon as you both can proceed to get your LO.

We are currently waiting to hear from SS about IAC information evening.  Do you think I should give them a ring to see if we are on the list?  I don't want to get on the wrong side of SS at the very beginning of our journey.

Hi to everyone else - hope your adoption journey is going well wherever you are on it
Sara


----------



## Spaykay

H - grandparents evening sounds great!

Sara - I'd call, I don't think a bit of enthusiasm and pushing ever hurts.

As for me, I'm            , but know that what I need is actually for a purpose so don't feel so bad.

Kay xxx


----------



## Suzie

Sara - sometimes we do have to chase them up ! So give them a ring 

A week tomorrow to panel 

xx


----------



## Spaykay

WOOOOOOOO SUZIE! 1 week! WOOOHOOOOOO!

Kay xxx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

HFI - thanks for the welcome - I think we may have exchanged postings on another thread somewhere. I was a regular poster on the over 40s threads (goldies & a couple of others) and one of the IVF threads - IVF for a needlephobic!   Slightly less needle phobic after several ops and cycles of IVF but that could change now I'm officially off the ttc rollercoaster.

Grandparents evening sounds a great idea. That summary profile must be so difficult to write. Afterall us Brits are so not good at selling ourselves  

Sara - I'd ring them - nothing ventured nothing gained!

CG xxxxx


----------



## popsi

lambo..

Hello i have seen you over in holiday dreamers xx

not sure about the age thing.. but with regard to the treament we rung up the day after our BNF and were told as long as we were happy to move on they were happy to help us

hope this helps xx


----------



## Camly

hiya lambo

i have pm'd you. look forward to getting to know you know you.

speak soon x x x 


p.s hi to all the other virgins!       x x x x


----------



## Camly

no problem lambo. its a difficult time but everyone on this board are fab!  

hi to all the other virgins! hope your enjoying your weekend.

take care x x x x x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi everyone,

What a lovely sunny autumn day - let's hope there's more of these to come.  

Camly - when do you go to panel? Have you got a date yet? I bet you can't wait! 

Lambo - good luck hun. I don't think all agencies expect you to wait 6 months. I hope you find one that lets you start the process  soon  The fact you're still a youngster must count in your favour when they consider what age you can be matched with. DH and I are both over 40 and hoping our age won't count against us!

We've sent our forms off and are now waiting to hear about when we can attend an information evening. We went to one 2 years ago when we thought IVF wasn't going to be an option - wish we'd stuck with it now - if we had we'd be a family by now  

CG xxxxx


----------



## Scary987

Hi all,

Is it ok if I join you? Wasn't sure where to post but adoption virgins seemed a friendly thread, everyone on FF has been so suppportive, I just wanted to talk to you all about this latest stage of our rollarcoaster ride. Here goes.......

My DH and I have always wanted to be someones parents (not fussed whether we are the birth parents) and have made the difficult decision to leave treatment and pursue adoption in our quest to be a family. Although I've been researching about adoption for a long while, we have now contacted our LA and have been sent leaflets and an invite to a infomation evening on 20th November. 

I was so excited to feel we were doing something positive but having read the leaflets my bubble has been burst as they insist that you wait atleast a year after TX before offically applying to adopt. I was naive in thinking it would be 6 months at the most. We finished our last treatment just over a month ago but we already wanted to pursue this avenue at somepoint regardless of the outcome of TX. DH says we should go to the info meeting and see what happens as they might be flexible depending on the individual situation.

DH and I would not be starting this long journey unless we were absolutely sure, we have come to terms with my IF and just want to share all this love we have. A whole year before we can even get started seems such a long time when we've been waiting 4 already.

I know different LA have varying policies but has anyone else been asked to wait this long or applied quite soon after TX?  

Thanks so much for 'listening'.

Scary x


----------



## Tarango

afternoon Virgins  

Welcome new virgins, this thread is fab and everyone on here is really friendly  

Scary - our LA (not too far from your LA - about 2 or 3 Westwards) says to wait a year before starting down the adoption road but I know the one we have gone with only says wait 6 months. There are some (but don't know whereabouts in the country they are) that don't have a time limit.
I think the waiting time is a good thing (although it doesn't feel like it at the time!) to take some time out from everything baby-fied and to get your heads round everything. I know you didn't want to hear that bit   
On the other hand, I would still go to the info eve and see what they say - you never know !! or they could have a waiting time before you are able to start anyway (Our LA did) so you could cover both things on one swoop.
Good luck with your journey xxx

We have had our nephew with us this weekend and he has now been told we are going to be adopting (he is 7) - he took it all in ok and his only question was 'where are they going to sleep?' Our nephew has his own bed when he comes down so was making sure the new cousin would not be taking it!  

enjoy the lovely weather it's bound to change!!

love
T
xxx


----------



## EmilyC

It's really good to come on here and read about everyone's expereinces as we have just had a days course on Parenting and Loss and it was really useful and helped us to really see that adoption is the route for us.  I know it will take a long time but I finally feel more positive - like we are actually getting somewhere!  Good luck to all of your at your various stages!


----------



## Guest

Hi all,
not really sure where to post this, but thought I may get some feedback here hopefully!For the past four years, we've been having infertility investigations, and whilst firstly there seemed to be a big problem with dh sperm, with high abnormal forms, it now seems to be fine, so we've been told to have IVF instead of the initial ICSI. Our NHS go has just come up, and we can start with my next AF if we want. However, I'm just not optimistic at all about it, and I don't want to spend the next five years, the last five years of my thirties having failed cycles of IVF, and then hit forty still childless-does this make sense. All we want is a family. Ideally and honestly, yes, we would like a birth family-but for how long do we put our lives on hold in the hope that it's going to happen?We've always said that we would adopt if we couldn't have a birth family, and so I contacted the LA recently, and we had a social worker visit us last Thursday. She was lovely, and made us feel very positive aboout adopting. However, although we told her about our infertility investigations, we didn't tell her about the forthcoming IVF. We're booked on the prep course for November too. I just don't know what to do. Do we put adoption on hold, in the hope that the IVF might work? But then, if it doesn't and then we decide to go for adoption. will we have to wait a year before they'll consider us? I just don't want to wait any longer, I feel like I've been waiting for a family all of my life. I know it sounds like I want my cake and all that, but I just want a family that's all. Any advice pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaase?

Nikki


----------



## Suzie

Welcome to the thread all you lovely newbies 

Onlysam - The question I would ask myself is could you live with the what if's , if you dont have an IVF cycle and go straight to adoption? Would you always be thinking what if I had that cycle and it worked. If you can honestly say you wouldnt be then maybe adoption is the route for you. We do have members who have adopted who couldnt/didnt want to do any tx. It really is something you need to discuss together as a couple. 

With regards to waiting times, most LA's are at least 6 months, some are a year. Ours is 6 months. For us it was slightly different as we are foster carers who are adopting. 

 to my fellow virgins 

Panel on wednesday 

love to all
suzie x


----------



## Camly

hiya all and hellooooooooooooooooooo to the newbies  

Cotswold - we havent been given a panel date, as yet. I am prob the same as majority on these threads by not wanting to get excited too early (too many previous things have gone pear shaped) but...hoping to go to a panel in Dec!?!?!?    thats what our sw'er has told us but as I say, im not very confident and we are just going to 'play it by ear'. Will keep you posted tho.  Hope you hear soon about the info night. Think cause National Adoption week is coming up (Nov) then they will be quite busy but then thats also a good sign?  let us know how you get on.

EmilyC - glad your course helped with your decision. keep in touch.

Tarango - I will PM you sweetie. Glad you had a good time with your nephew. Gives you some practice eh?  

Scary - i cant offer an advice regarding the waiting time. we had our final fertility stuff happen in June/July 07 and the same week we got in touch with our LA to enquire about adopting. It wasnt until the Oct that we went to the info night and then the dec for the prep groups. I know obviously why they like you to wait etc but at the same time... its taken us a year and a half to get to the stage we are at - kinda waiting on panel date to be arranged to how long do they wants us to wait?    good luck though. x x 

onlysam - first of all    why is life never easy?  if i was you - not sure if others would agree but... - i would go to the info night and suss things out from there. ie if and when you would be able to get on a prep group etc?  then it would give you an idea of the waiting time? we had to do al our investigations/treatments etc privately so not sure of the NHS procedure but if you didnt take this chance, how easy/soon would it be to have a go at a later stage?

hiya to everyone else. hope your weekends been fun!    x x x x x


----------



## Camly

suzie - good luck for wed incase i dont get on before then!     

lots of love camly x x x x


----------



## Guest

Thank you, 
I'm not sure whether I would regret it or not. But how long do you give yourself. I mean I know some people that have had about seven unsuccessful cycles of IVF-I just couldn't do that. I also know somebody who was doing IVF at the same time as starting the adoption process, and when I questionned her she said that they just didn't mention it.Ironically, her IVF failed, she adopted a baby boy, and got pregnant naturally straight after, even though she'd had loads of TX. 
Nikki


----------



## Guest

Thanks Camly,
I think I agree with you-that's what I was hoping we could do. Do you think we should hold back from sending the form away until after then?
We've done all of our investigations privately, and were going to do a private ICSI cycle back in April, but decided to get married, and hold back for a while. We've only got one attempt at NHS IVF, as dh has a child already, but it's come up now. My FSH is quite high, so I don't want to put ot off if I'm going to do it. We always said that we would try 3 attempts, 1 NHS and fund two ourselves-but the whole adoption thing has kind of changed me a bit.Very Confused.  

Nikki


----------



## Camly

its very hard nikki isnt it?  suppose there is no guarantee? i know our sw'er did say that we wouldnt be allowed to go down the adoption route at the same time as having any fertility treatment. maybe if you spoke to some of the sw'ers at the info night they might be able to help? they are very nice and very helpful too.

   x x x x x


----------



## Suzie

I guess we are all different Nikki. Some people have one cycle and can not ever face doing it again and some do multiple cycles. I guess it is what you are ultimately looking for, is it the being pg and having a biological child or wanting to have children/family from other avenues. Sorry doesn't sound like I am helping much 

I would go for the info evening as there may be a wait for prep course etc and it might make your mind up to go for the cycle? 

Camly - thanks 

x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Nikki,

It's a difficult predicament knowing what to do for the best but if I were you I'd make sure I was very very sure before passing up the chance of a free attempt on the NHS. If you're really not sure perhaps you should go to the adoption information evening and see how you feel after hearing about the process and speaking to some of the social workers. One thing I would say about IVF is that once you've gone through one stopping can be difficult. You sort of keep thinking maybe next time will be the one and unfortunately for many of us the one never happens. You have age on your side on the IVF front as it certainly helps your chances of success if you're younger. I didn't do IVF til 40 and do regret not having tried it earlier. That said I know now that it's the family I want not the pregnancy but it's taken me a while to get to that point. At the end of the day only you know what's right for you.  

Camly - I know what you mean about not wanting to get your hopes up. There's a lot to be said for taking things a day at a time. It's just frustrating when you feel like months are passing you by. I'm really hope you don't have to wait too long.   

Suzie - good luck on Wednesday.   I hope you're not too nervous. I bet you can't wait for this week to have passed and to know you're approved.

Scary - I hope your LA will make an exception for you on how long you need to wait - I think they just want to make sure you've given yourselves time to grieve and be sure of the decision you've made.  

Emily - so glad you're feeling positive. It's wonderful when you start to put everything else behind you and feel ready to move onto the next stage of your journey. Good luck.  

CG xxxxx


----------



## Scary987

Thank you so much to everyone who replied to my post, I have spent the day researching our options and have posted my latest query on the main adoption thread. I'm sure this is one question of many to come.... thank you all for your kindness & support, it really is invaluable to me.

Oooh, I've just thought of another one - has anyone applied to adopt after egg sharing? I've egg shared twice now & have given my consent for any resulting child to come & meet me when they reach 18. Would that make a difference to our application? Obviously I'd explain this to any child we have the pleasure of adopting at the appropriate time. Maybe I'm just getting paranoid!!! 

 that everyones dreams come true.

Scary x


----------



## herbaltea

Hello, sorry to butt in but can I join you all as I am an adoption virgin!  

After much thought I have decided to adopt as a single person and today started the journey by requesting an adoption pack!

I have a few questions....I know the journey is a long one........
1. Do you have to own your house? or is renting ok?
2. Do you need to have a full time job?

I'm quite scared of going through the process to be told I'm not accepted at panel. What are the reasons you could not be accepted and is it common?

Thank you.....lots of questions I know


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi girls, it's so wet and cold here - where did the sun go? 

Scary - I'd have thought your generous act of egg sharing would count in your favour especially if you've already agreed to any potential child tracking you down in the future. That shows how much you could relate to any littlie you adopt wanting to know about their own background/start in life.   I'd see it as a positive   

Herbaltea - sorry I can't help you on your questions. Just wanted to wish you well and say hello and wish you well on your journey. 

Lambo - I've spent years building my character too! Lets hope we've all developed our characters enough now   Island hoping in Greece sounds the ideal way to spend your last remaining months on your own. Making the most of the months between now and getting matched must be the way to go   I'm intending to make the most of long lies in and holidays we wouldn't do with young children in tow!  

CG xxxx


----------



## Scary987

Hi Everyone,

CG - Thank you for your positive opinion, I hadn't thought of it like that, I guess it could be a good thing!

Herbaltea - I'm far from an expert but from the research I've done so far, it makes no difference whether you rent your home as long as you have a secure tenancy agreement that is not due to expire soon with no option of renewal. As far as work is concerned, I guess that depends on the age etc. of the littlie you are hoping to adopt. Good luck on your journey!

Lambo - you are *so* right, the SWs obviously have to stick to the policies as they are there for a good reason but no-one but you can know whether you're ready to make the decision to adopt. How a complete stranger can judge this is beyond me!?

Hello to everyone else, sorry, being a newbie on here I haven't got to know you all yet!

Scary x


----------



## kizzymouse

Hello girls - I'm an adoption virgin!  
Got first visit ( finally!) on Monday next week - excited and nervous  

And glad to have finished with treatment - couldnt take anymore of that!! Specially last go when I got a positive on test day but had an early m/c or chem pg   

Decided we can still be a family without me giving birth! Yay - dont have to go thru that either!   

good luck everyone


----------



## Spaykay

Kizzy - welcome!   Good luck for Monday!

I'm just ringing around lawyers and notaries to find someone to do a 'sworn affidavit' for me saying I'm non UK resident. The notaries secretary asked me " and how do we know you're not a UK resident!"    JUST BELIEVE ME!   I have papers to show I live here, but why does noone seem to know how to do anything?  

Kay xxx


----------



## SR3

Hi

I have posted before but still very much an adoption virgin.  I think I have finally come round to accepting that adoption is for us and not to go down the path of any starting any IVF tx.  

We went to a LA information evening last week and were told not only that you have to wait 12 months to start the process if you have any tx but also that the LA is not taking any new cases on until March '09.

I'm feeling so frustrated...... I know you all must feel the same.. the whole TTC game is bad enough but now I have yet more to worry about.  I'm really not sure what to do next.... do we try and get in touch with another LA ?  

Are any of you in the West Berks area ?


----------



## kizzymouse

My social worker didnt mind that we just finished treatment - he said as long as we arent going to do anymore then its fine - so I really feel for you having to wait 12 months


----------



## Scary987

SR3, although I'm not near your area, our LA request atleast a year so I have taken the advice of the lovely ladies on here and rung round as many LA & VA as I can in a 50 mile radius. I have found alteast four that will cover my area, some want a 6 month wait after treatment and some don't require any. I'm lining up info evenings with 3 of them to find out more. Definatley try other ones if you haven't all ready!

Good luck 

Scary x


----------



## Camly

hiya girls

just a quick one for me - had a long day - just wanted to welcome all the new virgins!    looking forward to getting to know you all better soon. 

hope your all having a good tues.

speak soon

love camly x x x x


----------



## Guest

Hi ladies,
SR3-I can totally empathise with you-I don't know what to do either. 

At the moment, adoption feels like such a positive thing to do all round, for everybody, as opposed to IVF-although, we've never done IVF-so we don't know. 
I feel like it's not a baby that I want anymore, or being pregnant, but I want to be a mother, and not just to one child. I want my mum and dad, and my DH's parents to be grandparents, and I want my (childless) sister ,and brother in law to be an Auntie and Uncle and I want to be able to share and fill our lovely family homes with children. I want our family Christmases and birthdays and holidays to be filled with the laughter of children. I don't want my mum to grow to old to enjoy her grandchildren. I want my children to be able to benefit from the wisdom and love of granadparents. I don't want to be an old mum.When I look at the pages of the Be my parent magazine the social worker gave to us, it really feels right.
Nikki


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Scary - so glad you've found some LAs who won't make you wait a year. Attending the info evenings will help you make your mind up which one feels best for you. 

SR3 - sorry your LA isn't taking anyone new on for now. Like Scary says why not see if other LAs near you are recruiting new adopters. I hope you don't have too wait too long to get started. I know how horrible it is being forced to wait when you've made you mind up.

Kizzymouse - so sorry your final IVF wasn't to be. I can't imagine how awful it is to get that glimmer of hope for it to be taken away    Good luck sweetie. 

Kay - perhaps you should offer to show them your tan   That'll prove you're not a UK resident! Wish we were living in Spain  

Nikki - you sound so ready to adopt. If you're sure stick with it and just convince the SWers you're ready now.  


We're waiting (not so) patiently to hear when we can attend an information evening....tick tock tick tock  

CG xxxxx


----------



## Suzie

Lambo - Often VA's do do the process a little quicker than LA but often the wait for a match is longer as all the children go through the LA first and then if no suitable matches then they go to a VA. It might not be harder to place children specificially but just that the LA dont have any approved adopters that are a suitable match for the child/children that come up
It is a difficult decision to know what to do for the best but hopefully you will know which one is right for you

xx


----------



## Guest

Cotswald Girl-Thank you for that. I feel really really strong, and that I want this.DH is really looking forward to the three day course too. It all feels really positive.
My headteacher gave me the three days off too, which is a huge hurdle!
Nikki


----------



## HFI

Hi ladies

Just a quick one from me 

Suzie - Just wanted to pop in to say I hope panel goes well for you today. Let us know how you get on  

Hi to all the new Virgins  .  Good luck with your journey's, I'm looking forward to getting to know you all  

Love H xx


----------



## Suzie

Thanks HFI xx

I haven't had much sleep and feel sick! It's not until lunchtime so have all morning to worry  

Think after IF and tx you still don't believe it's going to happen  

xx


----------



## SR3

Thanks for all your responses.  Its so good to know you're not alone in all this 

I have some better news today.  I decided to call a few LA in the area and had a really long conversation with another LA who has sent me all the necessary forms in the post today and is going to make an appt for our initial interview in the next couple of weeks and then hopefully we start the prep groups mid November.. I can't wait to get started now  

Its taken me a while to get my head around adopting.  DH has alway been very keen as he was also adopted at 6 months old.  I think even if we'd managed to have our own he'd still have wanted to adopt another... always wanted to give a loving home to a child that really needed it.

Suzie - Good luck for today 

Lambo - Lovely diary page


----------



## Spaykay

Cotswold girl   they might think I DO live in UK still as I have no tan what-so-ever  

SO...to get my approval papers I need....A letter of no objection....to get the letter of no objection I need....a sworn affidavit that I'm a non UK resident...to get the sworn affidavit that I'm a non UK resident I need......WHO KNOWS!  

Kay xxx


----------



## spatch

good luck suzie - Hoping its a yes at panel

waiting for the good news

x


----------



## Suzie

It sure was a YES 

2 hours and 2 panels ( approval and matching) ! and I did shed a little tear. Think it was the relief ! 

Thank you for all your messages 

xx


----------



## Spaykay

Awwww Suzie - congratulation!  

Kay xxx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

SR3- what wonderful news, an initial meeting and the prep course before Christmas - bet you feel like you've got an early Christmas present  

Kay - sorry you're still having to jump through so many hoops. Red tape, don't you just love it!

Suzie - CONGRATULATIONS you must be over the moon now it's all official. Time to celebrate  

We got an invite to the next information evening through the post today! So we're booked in for one on 4 November   Do you think they'd mind if we rang them to find out when the prep course is - don't want to seem presumptious but want to make sure we can get on one at the earliest opportunity  

CG xxxx


----------



## Spaykay

I'm still here... 

Kay xxx


----------



## sara1

Hi Girls

Sorry I haven't posted in a while but I have been lurking and keeping up to date.

Suzie - so pleased for you all now everything is official.    

CG - Glad you got a date for your information evening.  I suppose it wouldn't do any harm contacting SS about the prep course - it will show that you are keen to progress with adoption.

SR3 - so pleased things are starting to happen for you.  Hope you get your initial interview soon.

Lambo - I have been reading your diary.  I thinks it's a great idea especially as you will have it to look back on when you have your LO.

Kay - I hope you get your adoption back on track soon and get everything resolved soon.

Hi to everyone else I've missed.

I have just had a phonecall from our SW and we have arranged for our first initial visit on Monday morning   .  I can't believe our journey is starting to progress.  I feel a little bit nervous and I hope that is natural.  How did you all feel and can anyone give me any idea what to expect on the first initial visit - what sort of questions will she ask us?  BTW she sounds lovely.   I just hope everything works out for us and we get our LO.
Talk Soon
Sara


----------



## Spaykay

Sara - great news on the final visit.

I have now got the paper that I need to get the paper that I need to get the approval paper!









Kay xxx


----------



## Spaykay

Wish I knew how long it would be Lambo! Going slowly  

Kay xxx


----------



## sara1

Kay -     .  Congrats on getting a breakthrough on the paperwork front.  I hope the rest is straightforward for you.

Lambo - All we have had is our Adoption Information Evening.  We still have to have our preparation course but it will come after this visit from SW.  She will probably give us the dates when she is out with us.  Will keep you posted - BTW we are going Intercountry but the HS is exactly the same.

Talk Soon
Sara


----------



## sara1

Lambo - we are hopefully adopting from Thailand.

Sara


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Lambo & Sara, I think I will ring them to find out the dates of the course we "might" get onto! Just want to make sure DH and I can take the days of work so the earlier we know what they are the easier that will be  

Sara - good luck on Monday. I'm sure you'll be fine.

Kay - at least now you've got the paperwork to get the paperwork to get the paperwork you're part way through the paperwork!   Just keep your mind on the end game and remember all the bureaucracy will be worth it in the end   Just hope it doesn't drive you    in the meantime!

CG xxxxx


----------



## Dee Jay

hi all
sorry I haven't posted recently - haven't had much news apart from we have been having a nightmare with Panel Date. As you know we were scheduled to go to Panel on 4th Nov but a glitch with the paperwork has postponed our panel date until 20th Novemeber, so although it's not a huge difference it's just annoying as I'd psyched myself up for Panel date on 4th November and we having a celebration dinner with our referees which I can't reschedule so close to Christmas. So after Panel (presuming it's good news  ) I think that we will go out for dinner just the two of us - which will be lovely.

anyway hope that you're all happy and well,
lol
Dx


----------



## Spaykay

D - mmmmm 2 celebration dinners sounds good! Roll on November!

Cotswold -   yeh, I'll get my paper in on Wed and hope they give me the other paper THAT day so I can hand it in and wait for the call to say the paperwork is done, whoever knew that it wouldn't be loadsa sex that would get me a baby, but loadsa paperwork? Not quite so much fun  

Sara1 - good luck with Thailand, how exciting!!!

Lambo - look. we're all typing loads now!

Suzie - how does your 1st weekend being LO's MUMMY (officially coz I know you were mummy before)! feel? Must be great!  

SR3 -   how's it going? You feeling good? Hope so.

onlysam -   

Can't scan back any further, so  to everyone else!

Kay xxx


----------



## Suzie

Spaykay we have just been to eurodisney for 3 days and it feels great 

 to everyone else 

Will be back later to catch up 

xx


----------



## Spaykay

Oh WOW Suzie - celebrating in style...I bed you had great fun.   So happy for you!

Kay xxx


----------



## Jappa

Hi Ladies,

Just wanted to introduce myself and say hi. 

We have just completed out forms of interest in adoption and are waiting for a SW to come round to chat to us about it in more detail. We have a child already and feel that we do not want to go down the IVF route again but feel that we have it in our hearts to give a child a loving and secure up bringing. 

So full of anticipation but also excitement at the process.

LK xx


----------



## Suzie

Welcome to the thread little kipper 

xx


----------



## Camly

hello and welcome to little kipper x x x


----------



## Spaykay

Welcome LK!

Kay xxx


----------



## Jappa

Thankyou ladies for your very warm welcome to this adoption thread.

LK XX


----------



## kizzymouse

home visit has depressed me - could be more than a year before we even get to do the prep courses    

Just feel its all against us - and wondering whether we should just give up and be childless.

also he told me about a woman who gave birth 3 times and gave them all away - argh!! dont know circumstances but isnt that just so annoying??  

Maybe I shud have asked for her number, she could have had one for me!  

so feeling really sad - why couldnt we just have our own??    

going out with bf today to try and cheer up  

Hope you are all well


----------



## MACARONI2

Hi Girls

Do you mind if I join you?

We are just starting our adoption journey, have been to information evening and are hopeful to get invited to prep courses soon.  Think it could be december, but am waiting on SW to get back to us. (left a message left Monday!!!)  

Hoping to get lots of advice.........................

Cheers

Macaroni2


----------



## Spaykay

Welcome Macaroni!

Kay xxx


----------



## Suzie

Welcome macaroni 

Kizzy  I know its a long wait but trust me it is worth it hun  There are always chances that you will get on prep course earlier as they someones run more if there is a long waiting list. Know it doesnt make it any easier 

xx


----------



## Camly

kizzymouse - im sorry that you had a c*ap day

why did they say you couldnt get to a prep group til 12 months? any particular reason or just cause they dont have any available?  have you tried other authorities?

x x x x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Welcome Macaroni and LK, look forward to chatting/getting to know you.

Kizzymouse - so sorry you've had such a rough day    Did they give you any hope at all that you might get on a prep course sooner than they said? Over a year seems an awfully long time. Have you tried other LAs in your area?

Suzie - hope you enjoyed Eurodisney! Must be fantastic to be able to be a big kid again alongside your little one  

Sparkay - how's the form filling going? Hope the weather's better there, it's soooo cold here (Brrrrrr)

CG xxxxx


----------



## Spaykay

Hello

As you can see from my ticker, I have been lucky to have a successful cycle in my last treatment. I will keep popping in to see how you ladies are getting on. Thank you for all your support during the time I've been trying to get my approval for adoption   Good luck to all.  

Kay xxx


----------



## saphy75

as i've already said, huge congratulations hun this is fab news   please keep us updated especially when your little one is born  

pam xx


----------



## superal

Congratulations Kay!!

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## sara1

Kay.  Look after yourself and your LO.  Keep in touch and let us know when your LO is born.  

Hi to Everyone else.

We had our first initial SW visit on Monday and it went really well - I hope!  The SW was really nice but she says she can't guarantee that she will be our allocated SW when we start our HS.  I hope she is as she is really easy to talk too.  The only downside is we have to wait until March 2009 for our 3 day preparation course   - I want to get started now.  Of course my ever positive DH says the time will fly in with Christmas coming up etc.  My DH is so excited and he asked lots of questions on Monday while I sat and asked very little because my mind had went blank and then when she had went I could have asked her a thousand and one questions.   
Does anyone know if the SW interview any family members and if so which ones.  My DH and one of his brothers don't get on very well and I don't want them to be interviewed incase they tell lies about us and damage our adoption plans  .  We told the SW that we don't have much contact with him - we thought that honesty is the best policy.

Talk Soon
Sara


----------



## Suzie

hiya

The sw will want to see a few family members and friends. Mainly ones that you have the most contact with, if you have been honest about dh brother then I dont see why she will want to see him. 

Our sw saw my sis and family. brother and family, and 3 sets of our friends. She couldnt see my parents as they live in France , however she tried to wrangle a visit there 

March will honestly be here before you know it  think of it as the time to get all the jobs out of the way you want to do before your journey to be a forever family starts 

xx


----------



## sara1

Thanks Suzie,

The SW can contact both my parents and my MIL as well as my brother, one of my BIL's and my SIL so hopefully that will be enough family to talk too.  Oh and whatever friends (some of who will be referees).  

Another qusetion is the SW said that they wanted referees that know us as a couple and our experience with children.  One of our referees (my DH best friend) doesn't know us with children because we have no children and they also have none.  Will this rule him out as a referee?  I suppose I could borrow my niece and nephew a few times for him to see us with children!   

Thanks again,
Sara


----------



## Suzie

Hiya

It shouldnt rule out your dh best friend, you have family who have seen you with your niece and nephew 

xx


----------



## sara1

Thanks Suzie

I will most probably be back soon with more questions - you will be fed up hearing from me by the end of this journey!!!   

Talk Soon and enjoy Hallowe'en - do you have any plans?
Sara


----------



## Suzie

no worries  happy to help 

We don't "do" halloween  seeing as it is a friday I may be let out for one down the pub 

x


----------



## dreamweaver

Hi - I'm a newbie to adoption!

We went to our inital intro meeting at the end of June & sent of our form about 2 weeks later but immediately got a reply back saying that they couldn't allocate us a social worker yet.  I phoned to see how long it might be & they said three months - just for that initial SW visit - but it has beennearly 4 months now.  Do you think it is worth a call?  It's so frustrating all this waiting!  We just want to get on with it!  

Any advice anyone please?

Emilienne xx


----------



## Camly

hiya emilienne

welcome    its horrible waiting isnt it? why dont you give them a call. just to ask for a further update?  why not phone other LA or VA and they might be able to allocate a SW'er quicker?    keep us posted and good luck.

lots of love camly x x x x


----------



## dreamweaver

Hi Camly.

Hubby said he would call them tomorrow - which I am glad about as it doesn't feel like it's me doing all the chasing up all the time.  Plus I think he will be a bit more calm & diplomatic than me!  I just don't understand why all this takes so long...I don't mind waiting if I know something is happening.  

Unfortunately there are no VA's in our area (North Norfolk) and we tried contacting other LA's but they said that we are out of their catchment area!  Unfortunately I think everything in Norfolk happens slowly! (that's just the Norfolk way!)  ;-)

Bye for now,
Emilienne x


----------



## Suzie

Welcome to the thread Emilienne  Have sent you a reply 

Nothing happens quickly in Norfolk! Trust me! 

x


----------



## Camly

hi emilienne

thats good your hubby is going to phone them. doesnt do any harm to make sure you are kept in their memory!    keep us posted.  i think the whole process of adopting takes an age!  

hi to all the other virgins. hope your enjoying your weekend x x x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Kay - congratulations on your wonderful news. Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy   

Emilienne - sorry you have to wait so long to get started. It's so frustrating isn't it when all you want to do is get on with things but the time will fly by! Expect you'll be saying this to me shortly - we're off to an info evening tomorrow and have no idea how long we might have to wait for initial SW meeting and then prep course and like you I want to start NOW!!!  

Hi's to everyone. 

CG xxxx


----------



## HFI

Hi girls

Once again, many congratulations to Kay - it\'s fantastic news.

Emilienne - Welcome to the thread and good luck with your journey.  Did your DH make that phone call yesterday?  I hope he got some positive news.  I agree with the others, definitely chase them.  I don\'t think it hurts and it makes you feel better!

CG - Hope the info evening goes well today and you get told you can start your prep course soon.

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all well.

We\'ve got another visit from our social worker tonight, this week we\'re discussing our relationship and childlessness.....should be ok.  Not sure how many more sessions we\'ve got, she initially said our HS should be finished by the end of Nov - fingers crossed.

Hope you all have a lovely day.

H xx

P.S My PC at work has changed and I can no longer insert the cute icons - it\'s so annoying!


----------



## Moppit

Hi Adoption Ladies

I havent posted for a while because I have been continuing treatment with donor eggs but sadly our 4th attempt has ended in failure again and I really think we are now at the end of the line and ready to commit properly to adoption.

When I started looking at adoption several months ago I had a flurry of activity where I called lots of LA's within 1 hour of us only to find that only 1 out of about 12 was willing to talk to me about working with us. They suggested I go away do some more research and reading and then come back to them when we were ready to talk more about the profile of a child we would be willing to adopt. I'm going to give them a call back this week but really wanted your advice on what to say. 

After all the research and reading we have done we are still very sure that we would want to adopt as young a child as possible (under 3). We are happy to adopt a sibling group but don't feel (at this point anyway) that we could cope with a child with severe mental or physical disabilities. We understand that many children put up for adoption have emotional difficulties and have done as much as we can to read up on this and understand it.

My main question to you all is what you answered when asked during your initial dealings with the LA what 'profile' of child you would feel able to adopt. The last thing I want to do is be told by this, the only LA who are even willing to accept us on their register, that we are unsuitable because our 'profile' is too restrictive. I know asking for a child under 3 will make them concerned so is it better to say a larger age range and then during the process adjust this if the SW agrees? When I last spoke to them they did say that babies are very rare yet so many ladies on FF do seem to have adopted young children successfully.

It seems so unfair that we have to make these decisions around profile now and I don't understand why this can't be a decision thats made during the process but I guess its because there is no point them taking us on if they never have young children.

Totally confused and want to be very sure of what to say when I call them back this week.

Thanks for your help.

Moppit x


----------



## crusoe

Moppit - I have PM'd you   

Crusoe
x


----------



## Spaykay

Thank you ladies   much appreciated...I will keep up with all your exciting news.

Moppit -  

Kay xxx


----------



## Moppit

Hi Ladies

Further to my post a couple of days ago just spoke to the LA again and they insisted on knowing what age range we would be looking to adopt. I find this so hard as what I want to say is as young as possible but if I had done this I know they would have said they couldnt help so I said as young as possible and under 5 when what I really should have said is under 3. When put on the spot I just got terrified that if I said under 3 they would turn round straight away and say no.  They still won't confirm they can help us and have said they will call back in the next 7 days once they have checked whether or not the profile we have talked about is something they would be able to help with. I just don't understand this, surely they don't accept couples purely based on children they have available now. We completely understand that this is a long process and we may ahve to wait a long time to be matched with a young child but I just feel sick with worry now that I have committed to something that I'm not sure about before we've even started the process. 

Should I speak to them again and say that I should have said a younger age group or leave it as it is and hope that throught he process itself we can come to a conclusion based on more knowledge.

Has anyone else experienced this need to confirm age range before you've even started the process.

Worried sick that we are going to either be rejected or taken on on false pretenses.

This is the only LA I have spoken to that will even consider us as all others closed...

Moppit x


----------



## kizzymouse

We have made a decision - to be child free - cant go thru more of this waiting for maybe nothing at the end.
I will be happy with my DH and my cats, and we are thinking of moving or upgrading our house and just being happy with us  

good luck to you all


----------



## Camly

hiya kizzy

i just wanted to wish you and your dh all the very best for the future. its never easy is it?  

lots of love camly x x x x x x


----------



## Camly

hey lambo

first of all - how the h*ll do you remember what each of us are up to?  your a very clever girl.

im ok'ish. had our visit today from sw'er and her boss......tougher than i thought but hey, i started a whole new thread on it. but in short version - feeling pretty much like poo!!

second of all [fly] CONGRATS[/fly] thats great news about your friend and her eggs. (must admit, i dont quite know how all that works  but im so happy for you, please keep us posted)

i wish you all the luck in th e world and take care   x x x xx


----------



## Suzie

Tip when doing personals - open a new window and then type in one and look through the old posts in the other one  much easier than using a post it note 
x


----------



## MACARONI2

Hi Girls

Thanks for the welcome.

I had posted on another thread asking about high blood pressure and if it would affect our chances.  Falling at the first hurdle so to speak!!!  Left a message for SW to call me back for some advice, three weeks later (yesterday) I managed to speak with a SW'r who didn;t think that this would be an issue, so was much happier after that.  

So, she will book us into our prep groups, hopefully to take place end of November.  We are both quite excited.  Any pointers/info on these would be really appreciated.

Thanks again 


Macaroni2


----------



## Camly

hello macaroni!!  

the prep grps at glasgow are really good. we really enjoyed them. its very relaxed and easy going but with lots and lots of information etc. the sw'ers there are very friendly and you can ask them anything if your unsure. the medical adviser will prob make an appearance too. just try and enjoy them....easy for me to say eh?   

fingers crossed you get into the prep grps at the end of nov.   keep us posted. 

hiya to all you other virgins out there x x x x x


----------



## sara1

Kizzy Mouse - what a brave decision to make and I wish you and DH all the best in your future together. 

Macaroni - what good news and what a relief for you.

I had posted that we weren't getting to attend our Intercountry Information Day until January and then our Preparation Course in March but my DH rang to confirm our wish to attend these and we are getting the last places starting 27 November and then prep courses in January.  We are delighted at the earlier dates.  We are so excited now.

Sara


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Sara - brilliant news on getting onto the prep course earlier than expected! I hope that's a sign of things to come for you. What a good start to the new year  

Kizzy - good luck with your decision sweetie. Sending you some big    and wishing you all the best for the future. 

Macaroni - pleased to hear that you've got some reassurance on the blood pressure front - if it's not one thing it's another eh! Prep course in November too - fantastic   

Camly - so sorry you've had such a rough time with your home visits recently. Like others have said they're probably just testing your resolve but it must be awful feeling you have to justify going back to work when you have to. I see on another thread that your manager has said he'll be flexible about your return, what a love. Make sure you pass the good news back to your SW so they can see you've got a supportive workplace. That should reassure them.

Lambo - wonderful news about your friend's offer. Like you say one to explore while you decide what you want to do. It's probably worth going to the Info Evening and seeing how you feel after that. You don't need to decide one way or the other yet so take some time to weigh up how you feel about both options before you decide for sure. Good luck with whatever you decide.   

The info evening went well on Tuseday. We heard from 2 people who'd already adopted sibling groups. They were so interesting and positive about the whole thing - a real inspiration for those of us about to start the process. One thing we were surprised about is that they'd had more problems with their youngest than with their 2 older children. Made me think a little about the age we've said we'd be interested in adopting. The SWs seemed really nice too, hope we get one of the ones we met now! Anyway we've confirmed that we want to proceed. Just have to wait until social services get back to us about initial visit and application. 

CG xxxxxx


----------



## kizzymouse

thanks girls - I still think of me and dh and the cats as a family anyways, I'm fine with the decision - we put an offer in on a house we love today ( and couldnt afford if we had had kids!!) - waiting to find out if accepted! 

Good luck to you all on your adoption journeys


----------



## Tarango

good morning Virgins  

Hope everyone is well this morning (apart from me   am feeling very sorry for myself as am STILL ill after 17 days  )

Kizzy - wishing you well in your future and hopefully your offer on the house will be accepted  

CG - glad your info sesh went well, sound a whole heap more positive than ours - our SS gave us doom and gloom and 'worst case scenario' - we had to wait until the end of our prep course to meet some who had already adopted. They were 2 men (not a couple) and it was really interesting to hear it from the male perspective and I know my DH found it really helpful.

Sara - whoo-hoooo bring on the 27th!!!  

Lambo - wonderful news, fingers crossed it all works out for you    

Camly - hiya matey, how are you today? (I'm still ill   getting really fed up with it now  )

Macaroni - fingers crossed you'll be on the prep course soon   

During our prep group (it ran over 3 1/2 days) during day 1 there were a couple of people who did all the talking (DH and I weren't one of them   ) Swer's made a comment about this so we made a mental note to shout (and you needed to shout to be heard !) a few things out during the next session. I'm sure it'll be fine - it is a bit of a rollercoaster emotionally though! Feel free to PM me if you would like something more in depth as not sure how much detail can be put on the 'public' side  

Suzie - have followed your advice and opened up a different session - so much easier...... why didn't we think of it before?!?!?!?!

well, we have a 'legal evening' coming up which I suppose will be about the legal side after we have the wee one placed with us ....  also have first Sw visit in about a month next week - getting to the end of home study - we can see the light at the end of the tunnel! And we have a 'cat questionnaire' to complete.....  
Am also going to the doctors as fed up with feeling pooey  

Sorry if I've missed anyone off, I blame my 'illness'  

Have a good Sunday 
xxx


----------



## SR3

Hi Ladies,

I haven't posted since mid october.  Its great to see so many new virgins on here  

Well... I've now got a confirmed date for my initial interview next week.  Still not sure whether we'll be lucky enough to be able to attend the prep course mid November but keep your fingers cross  

Lambo - what exciting news.. any progress ?


----------



## Moppit

Hi SR3 welcome back! Exciting that you have your initial interview. Will this be in person or on the phone? Didnt realise this happened before the information day. 

Hello to everyone else on the thread. Still waiting to hear from the LA as to whether they are happy to take us on as a couple. I spoke to them today and they had lost the notes from our last call and had not referred us for discussion. They have promised to do this now so we should hear within the next 7 days. If they are positive we should be able to attend an information session in early December. Can't believe how difficult it is just to get off the starting blocks and really don't know what we'll do if they say no as we have not managed to find an LA in London who will take us on... keep your fingers crossed for us!

Moppitx


----------



## SR3

Hi Moppit,

Yes, in person.  We had previously attended an info. evening with another LA in September and were told that they weren't taking anyone else on until Spring 09.  I decided to contact a few others and were lucky enough to be told that the second nearest to us were running the prep groups in November.

I agree, it takes so long to get started.... its all about 'playing the game'


----------



## MACARONI2

Hi Girlies 

Sorry I haven't been on, I am a really rubbish FF.   

Still haven't heard anything about prep groups, although they are supposed to be at end of the month.  Oh well, we'll probably get the letter 2 days before it.  My DH works for himself (and the VAT man, TAX man, etc!!   ) so getting time off won't be a problem. PMA, PMA, PMA!!!!!

Thanks for all the info on the prep groups  hopefully it should be painless.

Am not too good at personals, so hi to you all and I hope you are all well.     

Love Maccy2


----------



## dreamweaver

Hi all.

Have finally been allocated a social worker who will visit us on 28th Nov and hopefully put us forward for prep group which will take place in the Spring.

Can anyone advise me please - I know it sounds really silly -  but I don't know what to wear!!!? Also - how tidy/clean should my house be?  It's not too bad usually - but I'm not terribly houseproud - and don't want to be neurotic about it!!! 

Love
Emilienne xx


----------



## Moppit

Hi Emilienne, great news that you have been allocated a social worker. I don't have any experience yet but I'm sure what you wear and having a tidy house have absolutely no bearing on what the social worker thinks of you. You should wear whatever you feel most comfortable in! Good luck!


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi

We wore Jeans and tops (as we normally would) and yes i cleaned the house so it was clean however not "dont touch it" kind of tidy! just normal lived in!

xxx


----------



## Moppit

Hi there fellow Virgins

A bit of an update from me. I heard back from the LA late last week to say that they are happy for us to attend the next information morning. I know its only a tiny, baby step but after calling round countless LAs and being rejected even before this stage, finally finding one that will even let us attend the information day feels like a big thing! I know its still a long, long way to go but at least we are off the starting blocks. Information session is in 2 weeks time and then after that I gather we'll have an interview with a SW afterwhich they'll decide whether to take us on...

Moppit x


----------



## crusoe

Great news Moppit
We went to an info evening where they gave us lots of useful info. We then had a form to fill in and send back. A couple of weeks after that they contacted us and 2 s/w's came to visit us at home.
It might be a little step but it's a step in the right direction. Hope you find the session useful.
Love Crusoe
x


----------



## popsi

great news moppit, as you say every step no matter how small you may seem are big ones in this journey


we have just finished our 2nd day of prep course, all going really well so far, the more we learn the more we know this is exactly the road we are happy to be on


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi everyone, hope you're all well.

I was hoping to have some news before posting but we're still waiting for information on when (or if) we're going to get an initial visit from a Social Worker. Hope we didn't eat too many biscuits at the info evening and put them off  

Sara, Macaroni - not long til you start your prep courses, how are you both feeling about them? Nervous or raring to go?

Kizzymouse - hope your offer was accepted. Good luck with the move etc.  

Tarango - hope you're feeling better.   Sympathise too on feeling ill. I seem to have had one cold and bug after the other lately then to cap it all finally decided to go on the pill to ease endo pain etc and it's given me high blood pressure so have had to come off it! I'm coming back as a man next time   A cat questionnaire sounds interesting - what on earth did they ask you? Being nosy as we've got a cat and as long as she's rubbed, fed & water she's happy   Like you I'm trying Suzie's tip of opening up another window as scrolling through to make sure I don't forget anyone! Why didn't I think of it before   - so much easier than relying on my poor memory.

SR3 - hope your initial interview goes/went well. Any news on the prep course?

Emilienne - how's the cleaning/tidying going? We're hoping to need to do that sometime soon but believe in "just in time" tidying   Good luck for next week. 

Moppit - wonderful news. Really glad you can finally get started. Hope the info evening goes well and you get a good feeling about the LA.

Popsi - so pleased the prep course is going well and that you're feeling even more positive about adoption. How many more days do you have? Is it another 2? Have they given you any indication how long you'll have to wait after that to do your prep course?

Crusoe - hope the waiting is passing quickly. 
CG xxxx


----------



## popsi

hiya cotswold girl

we have one day left of the prep course next monday then we actually get allocated our SW on that day .. which came as a lovely surprise to us  , then hs will start when they can fit us in, probably after christmas now, they seem to move pretty quickly so far

I know things seem to be moving slowly for you now, but believe me once you get to the 1st step things seem to fly by and before you know it you will be well and truely on the road x


----------



## Dee Jay

hi guys
sorry I haven't been around much recently - I've been totally harrassed by paperwork and also getting my CRB check back and mainly in tears with the sheer frustration of it all - but to cut a long story short I'm hoping that it's arrived at my local sorting office in the morning - talk about the 11th hour      .
so fingers crossed my CRB check arrives in the morning and then I'll be able to think positively about panel, haven't even had chance to get worried about it - as if I don't get my CRB check back then we don't go to panel - end of.

right I'm going to have a glass of wine and watch I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.........(living the dream!!!)

popsi - pleased to hear that you're enjoying your prep course.

hope that you're all well,

lol
Dxxx


----------



## Camly

Hiya Dee Jay

You get your CRB check ok? good luck for panel tomorrow. im sure it will all be fine. keep us posted.

hi to all other virgins. hope your all well


lots of love camly x x x x


----------



## Dee Jay

hi girls
HURRAH - all systems go - got my CRB check this morning, talk about last minute!!

so we go to panel tomorrow - haven't even had chance to think about it really as I've been so stressed, am sure that I'll be very nervous in the morning,

thanks for your best wishes Camly,

lol
Dxxx


----------



## popsi

dee jay.. good luck for tomorrow xx i am sure it will be all fine


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Good luck with panel tomorrow Dee Jay.   

CG xxxx


----------



## HFI

Hi Dee Jay

Just wanted to pop in and wish you all the best for panel today. Hope it goes well, keep us posted.

Love H xx


----------



## Moppit

DeeJay

Masses and masses of luck for panel today. You must be so excited and nervous. I dream about getting to this stage, you are so near the finish line and almost a Mummy - yey!

Let us all know how it goes

Moppitx


----------



## SR3

Hi Ladies,

Well, I had my initial interview with SW yesterday which went ok but have to admit I'm feeling very dis-heartened by it all.  I was told to have a serious think about our options when going back to work as they would prefer me to stay at home for as long as possible (if at all) for a child under 4.  I'm sure I can't be the only one that would have to go back at least part time due to financial reasons after 9-12 months ??  I know that they always tell you the worst but its left me feeling really confused... will it effect our chances ??

She also gave us the bad news that we've missed out on the prep groups starting next week and will now have to wait until possiblly Feb when they run the next sessions  

Dee-Jay - good luck for today


----------



## Dee Jay

hi all

[fly][fly]                            

HUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!![/fly][/fly]

we've been to panel and our SW says it's a unanimous decision to recommend us for approval. I can't even begin to tell you how good that feels - I don't think that it's really even suck in yet!!! I was just sooooooooo nervous I let DH do most of the talking - and that's as rare as hen's teeth for me!! When they asked us what we were looking forward to the most, and what we were most anxious about I said I was most looking forward to being a family and promptly got totally choked by the emotion of it all. I managed to pull myself together a little to say that I was anxious about being a good enough parent.

We were only in there a short time although it felt like ages!! just been for a yummy lunch and DH has gone back to work, looking forward to opening a bottle of fizz later!!   

take care,
lol
a totally delighted D
xxx


----------



## Moppit

Dee Jay this is fantastic news!!!! Massive, massive congratulations. So happy for you!!!

Enjoy the bubbly - you totally deserve it!

Moppit x


----------



## MACARONI2

Hi girls

DeeJay - excellent news, you'll be enjoying that bubbly by now.    

Well I am blooming no happy!!!

Phoned SW this pm to ask about prep groups (was told end Nov).  Well, our names are not on any list (so we're not getting in!  )  I explained I had spoken with SW few weeks back who had promised we would be put on the list while she was still on the phone with me.

The SW I spoke to today said there is no record of us on there system and they never received our medical declaration thingy!!!(Tho it was sent Special Delivery)

Now have to wait until Monday to find out if we can get into Prep groups starting next saturday.  Oh man, this is making me paranoid   

Hope the rest of you are well

Take care

Macaroni2


----------



## popsi

deejay... brilliant news well done you and DH xxx


----------



## TraceyH

Hi All

SR 3 - I made a decision to return to work part-time after adotion leave and made that clear during the home study, although I have friends who returned to work full-time (well school hours) as the children they were matched with were of school age.  Due to financial reasons it was not possible for me to stay at home and he has loves going to nursery school and understands that mummy and daddy have to go to work.  I think if you explain to the SW that it may not be possible to stay at home then it should be okay hopefully.  February will be her before you know it and you will get on the Prep Course.

Macaroni2 - Hope you manage to get things sorted out on Monday.

Best wishes to everyone else.

Tracey x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Dee Jay - once again congratulations. Hope you enjoyed your bubbly and have some more on ice! 

Macaroni - hope they resolve the mix up and let you start your prep course next Saturday.   

SR3 - hopefully they're just testing you a bit. If you need to return to work just make clear that you'll be making the best childcare arrangements you can and will make sure your wee one(s) are introduced carefully to whoever looks after them for you over a period of time. Stick with it hun. I'm intending to go back to work myself - presumably most Mum's do.

Popsi - good news that you get allocated a SW straight away. I can see you'll be attending panel before we know it. 

Still no news this end....guess they're not in a rush.

CG xxxxx


----------



## Camly

hi all (sigh)

hope your all well.

why is it with adoption that i feel you take 1 step further and then 15 steps back?!?!?!? handed in our form f today and.......... the sw'er said it may not be jan that we will get a panel date...so thats been us told nov, dec by latest and then jan...so who knows?  i was on such a high with getting the form f and now feel deflated? she also asked how i felt the last visit went, i said daunting and she more or less said that it will be worse once we get to panel....there will be 8 people there! just wish they would give us something positive to focus on...maybe thats not how it works but at the mo i'm    

anyhooooo.... sorry for moaning. 

hope your all well x x x x


----------



## crazybabe

Hi camly

Yes I know what you mean, we finished our competency folder in September and done more than we should of as we were told it was needed for panel, we were hoping panel would be November with our V.A as a couple who was on our prep course are on the November panel who started their H/S after us, we have to wait until January though, never mind January will soon be here though.  I don't know about you but I can't wait until next Christmas as we will hopefully have our chil/children by then, what a fac christmas it will be for us all.

Take care camly, remember, All good things come to those who wait, so be a little PATIENT!!!!       like me (NOT)

Love 

crazybabe


----------



## Camly

Pm'd you crazy


----------



## crazybabe

Just PM'd you camly   

crazybabe


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Camly- at our panel we had 13 members! i know its easier said then done however dont worry, i know that matching panels are put before approval panels so this may be why. i am not trying to defend your SW one bit however its them who is up in front of panel and being looked at too as to make sure they have done there job 100%

xxx


----------



## Camly

hiya mj

yeah i know that the sw'ers obviously go thru it all too.....and they have to try and 'sell' us a prospective adopters.  its just sooo frustrating when we were told that it would be nov, dec at latest and now we might not even make the jan panel?  we are desperate to tell people but want to wait til we have (hopefully) been approved at panel.  we appreciate whats fully involved etc but i think it would be nice if they were to give us some positives about adopting etc?  if that makes sense?

just feeling bit   that still nothing definite.

thanks for your comments tho x x x x x x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Camly- has your SW given you any reasons as to why your not going to panel in dec? Jan? if your not happy with these reasons then get in touch with someone higher in the LA

xxxx


----------



## SR3

Hi Ladies,

Quick update from me.  Since I last posted I've just received a call from the SW to advise that they've had some cancellations and we are now on the first prep course tomorrow !!!

I'm so excited but in a complete panic... what can we expect... what to wear.. etc etc


----------



## Dame Edna

That's good news that there has been a cancellation SR3  

You will enjoy the prep groups, we certainly did.  I went smart casual, just nice jeans and a top, whatever you would normally wear to work on a 'dress down Friday' type of day.  The Social Workers themselves were very casual so it really doesn't matter  

You will learn loads and hopefully meet some nice people too 

The prep groups are all about seeing if adoption is for you so the sessions will be very honest about the types of children in the care system and the reasons etc why children are taken into care.  It's an eye opener and means that you can make an informed choice about whether it's for you or not.

I hope you enjoy it  
Dame Edna


----------



## popsi

Hi SR3

Great news about the cancellation, we finished our last day of prep course yesterday ! it was really good, we were really worried about it as we are relatively quiet people but it was excellent, our group was very large with 25 people in it .. this has never happened before   typical us lol !! but even with that many it was great ! already sharing emails with some of the couples on there and not been 24 hours since we left, wear comfortable clothes as you will be sitting about all day, i wore jeans and a top and mostly everyone did, it was lovely and relaxed .. enjoy your first big step to becoming a mum and dad


----------



## MACARONI2

Hi girls

Sorry not been on earlier to update you all re prep course.

Well...................

Spoke with Team Leader on Monday who said that my Medical Declaration had been left on a pile (by her job share) as I was a bit overweight.  It was still on that pile until I called on Monday, when they obviously all started looking for it, realised I should have been contacted, but had been forgotten about.  She also said issues as DH slightly overweight.  We did BMI test and he is 2lbs over BMI of 25 - which is normal range    

Don't know what to do, as I have never had to lose weight for my ivf/icsi treatments.  So basically SW are saying that too fat to adopt, but Medical Profession think weight is okay for IF treatments   

She then said that there may be a cancellation, so might make prep course starting Saturday.  So really contradicting herself.

Spoke with a chap at SW who unfortunately is in a different section, but he thinks it is a disgrace how we have been treated and we now have a trust issue with the section we are dealing with.

Sat and wrote down all conversations/correspondence with SW and it does not make good reading.  Really, really don't know if we should progress any further, as we have to deal with this section, but on the other hand, know that we can give a little one a great family and home - we are totally torn up right now and although DH is all set for making an official complaint, I don't want to be marked by SW as trouble makers.

Any advice lovely ladies would be really appreciated, and thanks for "listening".

M2


----------



## Camly

Hiya all    

sr3 - how was your prep grp?

macaroni - pm'd you sweetie.  

popsi - glad your groups went well.  here's lookin forward to your next step  

mj - sw'ers have told us the reason for delay is cause panels are fully booked?  no one seems to be in any rush do they?   well, apart from us!!  

hi to you all that i have missed.  hope your all well x x x x x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Camly - sorry your panel's been delayed. It must be so frustrating for you    Hopefully the delays now will be followed by a quick match once you've been approved   

SR3 - wooohoooo! Hope your prep course went well today. No time for nerves   

Macaroni - sorry to hear your SW's giving you the run around. Not sure what to suggest - 2lbs is nothing and easily lost so not sure why they'd make a big deal about it! If you can make the prep course they offer you perhaps you should go ahead with it and see if you can get allocated a different SW if you still don't click with them? Not sure how easy this is but it might be better than having to start afresh somewhere else. If you still have concerns about the authority after the prep course or part way through you could ring around other LAs and see if you can get on their list. Really hope you don't need to and once the prep course is underway they realise the error of their ways    BTW our LA said being overweight didn't stop people adopting.

Popsi - gosh end of prep courses already - you're well on the way now. When does your homestudy start? Must be lovely to meet and get on with people on your course. 

Hi to anyone I've missed.

Still waiting for news our end - rang SS Friday and they've had a busy week by the sound of it so haven't contacted anyone on our info evening (at least that's what they told me  ) and they haven;t booked the prep course dates for next year yet either! Hoping we'll hear something soon but guess with Christmas in a few weeks everything is slowing down. Will just have to try and concentrate on preparing for Christmas  

CG xxxxx


----------



## SR3

Hi All,

We made it through our first day of prep group... feeling absolutely knackered today and trying to concentrate on work !  There's 12 of us so quite a nice small group and all of them seem friendly. I still have lots of unanswered questions but I'm sure thats normal at this stage.  Its definitely an eye opener but I know they need to tell you the worst case scenario's.

Marconi2 - I can't believe your having problems with weight issues.  I have never heard of that one before.  How can that make any difference, especially over 21b.. its madness.

Popsi - Have they given you any ideas as to dates for your homestudy ?

Camly - any more news ?  I already have the feeling that the whole adoption process is a test on you patience and sanity.


----------



## Moppit

Hello lovely ladies

Well we have taken the first tiny baby step towards adoption and attended our information session with Hounslow this morning. Didnt really find out anything we didnt already know thanks to reading lots of books and finding out lots from people like you lovely ladies but it was great to meet some of the Social Work team and to understand the process from the point of view of this LA specifically. I went along thinking that they would try and put us off by giving the worst case scenarios for adoption but despite being honest I felt they were also positive which was good to see. Overall I think me and DH left feeling that this still something we definately want to pursue. We have put our names down for a Social Work interview which is the next step and apparently will receive a call in the next few days to set this up. 

Will definately be looking for advice on how to approach the first interview when we get there as this seems really important.

One question for you all. How much experience were you able to demonstrate with children? I'm concerned that this may be an area where they feel we need to gain more experience before moving forward in terms of doing voluntary work with children which could be difficult as we both work full time. In your experience did this come up and did you have to demonstrate commitment to this before you could move forward?

Love to all

Moppit x


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Moppitt

During our experience with out adoption assessment, we demonstrated how we are with Children but asking my sister to complete a supporting statement to explain and demonstrate how we are with my nephew who's 3, also because my DH don't have much experience around children except my nephew the SW set tasks for us to complete which is just a few questions and scenario's which you say how you would react in those cases etc.

Don't worry about it your SW will probably do the same for you.

Any questions , just ask ok

Good luck

crazybabe


----------



## Tarango

hello ladies and gentleman  

how is everyone tonight?
We are feeling ok and getting ready for Christmas ..... as a chance of sounding like a complete humbug DH & I have decided not to put a tree up this year    most of it is due to my cat (very angelic looking) who just thinks of the tree as an extra indoor climbing frame   and it's just an ongoing challenge for him.....
obviously when we are +1 then we will go into overdrive for Christmas  

On the childcare front, we were told that we didn't really have enough for panel. I have managed to change my work hours and now volunteer in a nursery 1/2 day a week and have also had a friend's little girl over to stay and our nephew down etc
From what our Swer said, we could not have enough experience!

xxxx


----------



## Chocolate Button

Hi everyone 
just checking I am in the right place   Is this the place to post general chat and gossip.


----------



## MACARONI2

Hi Girlies

It seems a bit quiet on here!!!

Hi Chocolate Button, welcome, you can come on here and moan and chat and gossip as much as you like   

Tarango - I am all quite smug that I have got myself all organised for xmas this year, trees are up, pressies are all bought and wrapped, alcohol in wine & beer fridge in hut all nicely chilling, altho up here they would be chilling nicely without the fridge     .  Our 10 year old neice stays with us (v. long story - her mum didn't want to be a single parent and dumped her on her dad - DH brother - who didn't really want her either!!!)  So hopefully we will be okay on the childcare front. 

Camly - pm'd u drama queen        

Hi to Moppit, Crazybabe, CG and SR3 and sorry to anyone I've missed - hope you are all well.

We didn't make it onto prep groups this time - spoke to someone in Admin who said on my file we are good to go for next prep groups in new year, but it also said had to have medical before,     so I have decided just to get medical out of the way in case it holds us up any longer.  Was really p'd off at the time, but have calmed down now and decided just to try and enjoy christmas and chill out a bit for a change as for the last two years have been ivf-ing at this time od the year and not really enjoyed it.

Take care

love maccy2


----------



## Camly

hello all my lovelies 

hope you are all well and getting organised for santa! im more or less sorted. got out decs up, pressies bought and wrapped. so now BRING ON THE PARTIES!! whoohooooo!! 

nothing to report with us - [fly]STILL[/fly] waiting on the elusive panel date...... 

how is everyone doing?

lots of love camly x x x x


----------



## Tarango

Evening all

Maccy2 - am v jealous that you have a hut for beer!!!!!      

Camly - 'oh where or where could your panel date beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?' hope it comes through soon   

We have been on conversation with SWer about concurrency and have decided to put a bit in the form ready for panel.. so who knows!!!!!!!

I have put DH on email ban as I thought I'd surprise him with some nice Christmas pressies but did the email as our home one not my work one so he is not allowed to look at the emails for the forseeable .....

hello newbies, I should have done the trick of opening up a seperate browser to get everyone's name (sorry i am not usually this bad) but my tea is almost ready and I'm pushed for time now ... hopefully you'll hear back from SS soon and we are here if anyone wants to chat  

love
T who is going for her T 
xxxx


----------



## Keeley

Hi all

Its been a while since i have been on here. 

Been getting ready for santas visit.

Ive also been struck down with my asthma although ive had it since i was a child its decided to show me a visit and its got so bad been put on steriods.

I called the LA today and told them we want to book our intial visit, ive also been thinking of plans for the anniversary of Dh op, as it also falls on valentines day !

Will pop back again soon x


----------



## Moppit

Morning lovely adoption ladies

Some advice please, we went to our information session just over a week ago (last Tuesday). The SWers promised to call to arrange a time for the initial interview but we havent heard anything yet. I don't want to appear pushy and wondered how long you think I shoudl leave it before calling to chase. I'm concious with it being Christmas that I want to try and get them to commit to a date before everyone goes off on holiday and forgets about things for a few weeks but don't want to get a black mark for nagging.

Moppit x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Moppit- my excuse to chase up any company is "oh i had a missed called on mob/house phone" or "oh my phones been playing up" ring them and chase!!!!!

xxxx


----------



## SR3

Hi Moppit,

My experience so far is to keep chasing your LA, every step of the way.  If I hadn't kept on calling them we wouldn't have got on the prep group in November... would've mean't waiting until Spring next year !!

Let them know how keen you are


----------



## crusoe

Moppit - Hi, I agree with SR3 and MJ and give them a call. You are not nagging, you are interested, pro-active and keen to move forwards, just the sort of person they are looking for. I hope you hear some positive news soon.

Love to all virgins
Crusoe
x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi girls hope you're all fine on this cold winters evening.

Not long til Santa arrives now   We've got our tree and decorations up and most of our presents bought. Just need to finish wrapping everything now. Trying to get in the Christmas spirit but can't believe how quickly it's come around.

Still no news for us from SS  , despite 2 phone calls 2 them from us! So glad you don't think chasing = nagging   Not sure what's going on with LA - they haven't booked any dates for next years prep courses and don't seem to be in any rush to get back to us about initial visit so we're trying to make best of the time we've got as a couple and not stress too much about the delays! It'll be nice to have a tx free Christmas for once so intend to  make it a good one  

SR3 - how are the prep courses going? Hope they're not too scary.

Moppit - like you we're a little worried about not having 'enough' childcare experience, so will be interested to hear what other people  did to gain more experience. We've looked after my nephew and DH's god daughter a fair bit but wonder if it's enough   

Tarango - sounds like your cat and Christmas trees are a bad mix   Ours just plays with low hanging baubles when she's bored!

Macaroni - sorry you didn't make it onto the prep course. Hope you don't have a long wait for the next one. Love the sound of your wine and beer fridge   We just need to use our conservatory at the moment - it's freezing in there! 

Keeley - sorry you've been poorly   hope you're feeling loads better soon. 

CG xxxxx


----------



## Camly

hiya all

another cold one eh?  love it though!    gets me in the mood for christmas!

well we got a call today - panel has been booked....................12th january 2009!!! whooohoooooooooooooooooo!!!! cannot.wait! 

hope everyone is ok.  take care x x x x x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

What wonderful news Camly - a great way to start the new year   

CG xxxx


----------



## Camly

Thanks CG.  We are the happiest boy and girl today!!  

Hope you hear something soon too x x x


----------



## popsi

camly . i am really happy for your news, try not to worry too much about it   x


----------



## Camly

thank you popsi. just glad to have a date.  hopefully its a good sign for 2009? 

thanks again    x x x x


----------



## Jinglebell

Hi Ladies,

May I ask for some advice?

My sister and BiL are going through the adoption process.  They have had their first home visit and BiL has had one on his own.  As the only reasonably sane member of our family (apart from fab sis), the SW will be coming to see me in the new year.

I want to make sure I do a good job of it, and of course it should all be fine if I'm honest, but I just wondered what kinds of things they might ask me.

Apparently the SW is rather intense and got a bit uptight when my sis joked that she'd better tell me to clean the house before SW came!  I think they also have reservations because my sis didn't get particularly emotional at the prep meetings, doesn't want to give up work and they think she's not got over a m/c.  I desperately want to help her to be a mummy as she'd be fab!  And she's been so supportive of me whilst we've been ttc.  I just want to make sure I get across to the SW the sis that I know and love.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Jinglebell


----------



## Camly

hiya jingle

pm'd you sweetie x x x


----------



## popsi

Hi girls

we have just had the call we have been waiting for..


WE HAVE A SOCIAL WORKER !!!!!!

Homestudy starts on 26th January, we are her only clients so she hopes to finish it in 7 weeks !!!! we thought 6 months....OMG we are so happy ..

Off out tonight to celebrate DH birthday with friend who are also our referees for the adoption so i think its gonna be one crazy night 

A very happy couple xxx


----------



## Camly

congrats popsi!!!!

really pleased for you both. enjoy your weekend   

love camly x x x x


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi everyone,
Popsi, WOW - well done hun, that's great news - roll on the 26th January - it will be here before you know it xxx

Camly - excellent - how exciting - the 12th January is literally just round the corner - you'll sail through it.

hi to everyone else,

lol
Dxxx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Popsi - what fantastic news! 7 weeks - woohoo   Time to party party   

CG xxxx


----------



## Camly

thanks dee. fingers crossed. got our official letter today.........we are getting our panel at 11.30am. very nervous.  

hope everyone is ok and enjoying their weekend. x x x


----------



## SR3

Hi Ladies,

Not been posting very much lately.  We've had our first 2 prep groups which went really well.  We now have our last 2 arranged for January.  I'm not sure if anyone else's LA's are doing this but we now have our application form to complete before we finish the prep groups.  Its the first time our LA have done it this way and to be honest its all happening a little too fast   Don't get me wrong... its great that we are at the stage of application but we've already been warned that we will now have to wait 6 months to get a dedicated SW to carry out the homestudies.  It just seems a little bit disorganised ??

Camly - congrats on your panel date

POPSI - Not long until your homestudies start.  I would love to know more about how they go... I feel really nervous about reaching that stage.... as a couple we are pretty private... feels really weird to think that a SW will know everything about you.

Take care ladies and have a fab Xmas and New Year..    Roll on 2009 and reaching our goal of becoming a mummy


----------



## Tarango

Good morning virgins,   


is everyone ready for Christmas? We have finally got everything sorted (although still no tree and judging on how naughty my cat has been unwrapping te pressies we have downstairs it's probably a good job!!)

Camly - 12 January - very secial day!!!!!! you need a ticker to count it down!!    

Popsi - 7 weeks!!!! whoooo-hoooooo!!!  

Keeley  - hope you are feeling better and get a visit soon  

Moppitt - hope you got through to LA and spoke to someone and gota visit sorted out  

SR3 - we filled in our application form after our initial visit from Swer (after info sesh and before prep group). We had to wait an age before getting on a prep group but SWers on the prep group were saing it would be 6 months until our group were allocated a SWer - we got a call from our Swer less than 2 months after prep group (we were completely shocked!). It could be that they were giving you 'worst case' scenario so not to build anyone's hopes up... 

quick update from us - Swer has been to visit my parents and survived. I think my mum was well behaved (she is 100x more excited about this whole process than we are - and we are quite/ very excited!) - so 2 down one to go and number 3 is booked for the new year.
SWer is also booked to come and see me at the nursery in Jan to 'observe' me and see how I am with the little angels) - I have just survived my college assessing me at the nursery so know what to expect (that was v stressful).
Not sure when we will be going to panel - hoping for Feb but you never know - also considering concurrency but Swer wants to talk about it more on next visit.

Merry Christmas everyone 

T
xxx



Hello Cotswold girl, MJ, Crusoe and anyone els I've missed


----------



## curvycat

Hi all

I hope you don't mind me butting in.

I am just about to start the process.

Found out last year we would have difficultys in conception, tried one ivf and didn't stimulate and have in the last couple of weeks had a hysterectomy.

I am both scared and excited! 

Terrified that we may be turned down for any reason but so excited that maybe in a couple of years I will be a mummy!!!!


----------



## HFI

Hi girls  

Hope you are all well.

Sorry I've not posted for a long time, I've been busy with homestudy and preparing for Christmas  

Camly - Fantastic news you've got a panel date, 12th Jan is only a few weeks away you must be really excited.  I think it's good to know your panel is in the morning, at least you haven't got to wait hours   Good luck, I hope it goes well.

Popsi - I hope homestudy goes well on 26th Jan.  I always thought our's would take about 6 months but we finished ours in approx. 7 weeks too.  It's all good.

SR3 - I'm pleased to hear your prep course is well underway and you'll be finished by the end of January  

Tarango - It sounds like we're in parallel with each other.  Our SW went to see my mum last week and she too was on her best behaviour    She also spoke to one of our friends and plans to see the other one in the New Year.  Fingers crossed you go to panel in Feb  

Kirstyn - Welcome to the adoption thread and good luck with your journey.  We are always here to support one another  

Crusoe - I hope you and your DH are well.  Do you have any news??

Hi to everyone else - Moppitt, Keeley, Cotswold Girl, MJ and Dee Jay.  I'm sure you're all busy getting ready for Christmas.

Well I've been busy with homestudy and it went well although some of it was quite tough at times.  Our references have all been contacted now, just one needs to have a chat next year and then we need to wait for another SW to come and visit for a second opinion.  I then think that's it for us    We have our panel date, it's 3rd March.  I was initially hoping it was gonna be sooner but to be honest, my DH and I are just gonna enjoy our time together and have fun!

We're also off to Cuba on 7th January so really looking forward to that.

I'd like to wish you all a lovely Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year.  Let's hope 2009 brings us everything we wish for  

Have a good one  

Love H xxx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi everyone, I hope you're all well.

SR3 - well done on being half way through your prep courses. Hopefully you won't have to wait 6 months to be allocated a social worker. Perhaps as Taroango says they're just giving you a worst case scenario. It probably depends what your matching criteria are and if they've got little ones coming through the system that could be your child(ren).

Tarango - good luck with being "observed" - must be pretty nerve wracking someone watching your every move! I'm sure you'll sail through it. It must be lovely to be coming towards the end of your homestudy etc and have the panel date almost in sight. Sounds like your cat is a wee bit excited about Christmas   Good luck with the tree!

Kirstyn - welcome. I hope you're recovering well from your op. I'm considering going the same route to be pain free but keep putting it off.  I've only attended an info evening so far so we can swap notes once you get started. Like you I'm both scared and excited. Thankfully the adoption threads on this site are full of useful advice and support.

HFI - March will be here before you know it. In the meantime have a fab holiday - it could be your last as a couple so make the most of it  

Well we've still not heard from SS....I'm going to have to learn to be a patient girl   

Have a lovely Christmas everyone.      

CG xxxx


----------



## curvycat

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!!

I got my chap a new computer for Xmas and so can pop on here without being told off while he makes breakfast!! 

Hope you are all having a good one! 

We had a drama last night when my 5month old kitten decided to go missing!! 

My DH and I spent till 3.30am walking the streets looking for him before deciding to try again in the morning when it was light. "Quite a sensible suggestion from my DH as our baby boy is black!!" I couldn't sleep so decided to go back out at 4 am with my older daughter female cat to go looking, no joy so back in bed at 5.30am with promises of a cancelled Xmas from me to my DH.

At 7.30 joy of joy my baby boy jumped through the window of our bedroom!!!! 

This may sound really silly and maybe it is due to the lack of sleep but the real message of Christmas came to me at that moment! All that really matters is those we love and however hard it is for us, however many disappointments we face we all have so much to be gratefull for.

I as we all do look forward to the time we spend Christmas morning with our child/children but I know now to love completely and enjoy fully till that day.

It will happen for us all.

I hope you have all enjoyed your day as I know it is bitter sweet.

Sending you all my love

xx


----------



## Chocolate Button




----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi everyone, I hope you've all enjoyed the Christmas festivities and break. 

Kirstyn - so glad your kitten turned up. You must have been so relieved. 

CG xxxx


----------



## Fabulous Lady Lumps

Hi Ladies,

I've been hanging around here for a while and reading all your stories and think its about time i join in. Hope thats ok?

DH and i went to a meeting with our local council for anyone interested in adoption. We got given a pack and told to fill in the return slip and send it back if we were interested and that they'd get back to us within 2 weeks. Unfortunately i am an impatient little beggar   and am wondering if they will be there between christmas and New Year and if this will delay our call. Like you guys i don't want them to think i'm pushy but am starting to wonder if the slip got there or got lost in the post .  Do SW's work over christmas etc? I presume they must? Maybe just for emergencies?

I hope you are all having a lovely Christmas and not over-eating (like me), bit worrying that they consider your weight. I've kind of given up on worrying about that since treatment, ooops


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Dof E- your will find they may have "on call" SWers on over christmas as the adoption teams are not the teams that removed children (they are LAC- looked after children teams and Child protection) so the adoption workers are just there to help and support those post matching.

dont worry about being pushy- it shows your intrested and like you say you can just ring to "check" they got your form of intrest

good luck

Mez
xxx


----------



## curvycat

DandE I agree with M J they wont think you are being pushy just that you care and want to know what to do next.

Thats important and I think possitive.

Hello all.

Hope you all had a great xmas.

I have been eating and drinking for 2 and not looking forward to the new year when I have 3 stone to start losing!!! 

Doesnt that mean I should just get on and eat all the chocolate now!!!!!


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi everyone. I too have been eating for 2 (or is it 3?  ) Diet starts in the New Year but til then there's an awful lot of chocolate, cheese and wine to get through  

Welcome Dand E   You can always call to check that they got your form   We've been waiting weeks for a call/letter about our initial visit and plan to give our LA a 3rd chasing call next week! Hoping that once everyone's back from the Christmas break they'll be more proactive about our application.

Kirstyn - I think you should definitely eat all those chocolates!!! May as well indulge yourself before the diet starts. 

CG xxxx


----------



## Camly

hi folks

just thought that i would quickly say happy 2009 to you all, for when it comes!  hope this year brings us everything we wish for and more 

just about to go and get the food for our family buffet tomorrow - party for 10! just as well DH is cooking.  then back home to tidy up. going to a friends tonight for a party with my step kids. there is prob going to be more kids than adults  looking forward to it.

then.................let the countdown to 12th jan commence! heheheee

[fly]HAPPY NEW YEAR FELLOW VIRGINS[/fly]

lots of love camly x x x x x


----------



## curvycat

Cg I am glad I am not back at work for another 3 weeks as at least it will give me some time to get back into my suits!!!! 

Calmy so so so so exciting!!!! 

I would be counting the sleeps!!! 

Happy New Year to you all 

My DH had man flu and I am baby sitting my GD who I should not be lifting but probably wont have much choice!! She is only 2 and mum puts her in her own bed to fall asleep then moves her to cot. 

Very exciting hey!!! Never mind will probably be in bed before 12 but looking forward to 2009 I really believe that adoption is going to change my life for the better.


----------



## Moppit

Hi Ladies and Happy New Year's Eve

Preparing to leave for a party I really don't want to go to. Have had such a difficult year that the thought of celebrating new Year's Eve fills me with dread as I know I am going to end up reflecting on the pain of this year and will probably be crying in a corner somewhere. Will try and focus on 2009 rather than 2008 in the hope that the adoption process gets started and we feel like we are getting nearer to becoming parents.

CG welcome. I too am waiting to get a date for an initial visit with a SW having been to an information session so we are at exactly the same stage. I called them after 2 weeks to chase and they promised to call before Christmas and didnt. However I was pleasnatly surprised to get a letter from them apologising for not being in touch and saying that they had now allocated us an SW for the viist and would be in touch to set up a date in January. I don't know if we got this letter because we chased but it certainly didnt seem to do any harm. I've decided that alot of the steps in this process are to test how serious you are about adopting, chasing shows you are serious so can't be a bad thing.

Love to all and heres to a good 2009 filled with positive news for all of us!

Moppit x


----------



## crusoe

Moppit - good to hear from you and that things might be moving forward a little for you.
Try not to look back on this cra**y year but forward to the new one. I was so relieved to see the back of 2007 and really happy to welcome in 2008 which has been a much more positive year for me. I'm sure 2009 will be for you.

Camly - not long to the 12th. I am waiting for the 13th when we meet our little ones foster carer!

Love to all virgins and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Crusoe
x


----------



## popsi




----------



## Chocolate Button

Think this time of year gets to us all. It has been a tough year and I won't be sorry to see the back of it. 
I wanted to say that already I have been made to feel so welcome over here and I can not thank you enough for that. I look forward to sharing my journey and your journeys with you all.

To those whos dreams came true in 2008 congratulations and to those of us wishing on a new year star may all our dreams come true in 2009.


----------



## Tarango

[fly]Happy New Year!![/fly]

Hope everyone had a good NYE last night - I was asleep before midnight and didn't 'see' in the new year 

Here's to a FABBO 2009

Camly - 11 days and counting!!!!!

Xxxx


----------



## Fabulous Lady Lumps

Hi all,

Just wanted to say thank you for making me feel welcome. Feeling bit rough today from too much champagne last night   

I agree about looking back over the last year and all the pain it may have brought but we're in 2009 now and this is going to be a good year for us all. We deserve it!!!


----------



## curvycat

hello all!

Hope everyone is having or has had a great weekend.

I have spent most of it in bed full of cold!


----------



## Moppit

Happy New Year!

Well I survived New Years Eve just about, as usual with these things it wasnt quite as bad as I thought it might be although there were tears at midnight and had to take myself away from the party for a bit to have a little cry and a reflect on a bad year. Now trying to be positive that we are in a new year with new hope!

Kirstyn N sorry you are feeling ill. Stay in the warm and get well soon.

Crusoe and Calmly so excited for you both, getting really near now and you must be counting the days. Please keep us updated on what happens. Your stories give us all hope!

Fingers crossed the LA keeps to their word and calls us next week to arrange the initial interview. Eager to get started - finally!

Moppit x


----------



## LittleMissJo

Hi everyone,

Would you mind if I joined you?

Me and DH have completed our training sessions and are now a couple of months into our homestudy.
Just been doing some homework today. Quite nervous but excited too!


HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL

Jo


----------



## curvycat

littlemissjo really great to have you here welcolm and hope you are not finding the homework to difficult


----------



## popsi

welcome littlemissjo, this site is a wonderful support, i am starting homestudy in 3 weeks .. nervous now

lots of love to everyone else xx


----------



## spatch

Sorry i havent been on here in ages but had a very difficult crimbo

my gran died crimbo eve and i have had diarreah since sat 27th and dr still doesnt know why?

lost 2 stone is only bonus, but missed all crimbo and have not eaten any good yummy food!!!

On adoption side i am trying to write our history/timelines and thank god we are only 25 as i have an awful memory LOL next meeting in a couple of weeks and have been told panel should be by April OMG!!!

Glad everyone is moving along nicely - welcome to anyone new 
Calmy - Not long NOW!!!!!!!! Good Luck xx


----------



## Camly

hi spatch

 sorry to hear about your gran. hope your starting to feel better too.  

hi to all newbies - welcome!     wish you all the luck in the world.

hope your all well x x x x


----------



## Tarango

Evening all xx

Welcome littlemissjo  

Spatch - sorry to hear about your gran   hope you are feeling better soon - there's alot of horrid bugs about at the moment  

Just a quick update - we have been pencilled in to panel to be approved at the end of February - lots going on with our LA (as everywhere) so it may be pushed back but at least we have been pencilled!!

Have a good evening xxx


----------



## spatch

just wanted to say Fingers crossed for end of Feb Tarango xx


----------



## curvycat

very exciting tarango!! 

lots of   and   being sent your way


----------



## Chocolate Button

Roll on Feb Tarango  

Spatch   so sorry to hear your news and sorry you missed all the Christmas goodies. xxx


----------



## HFI

Hi girls

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL  

Spatch - So sorry to hear about your Gran, it must of been tough for you all over Christmas.  Sorry to hear you've been poorly too, fingers crossed you're on the mend.  Good luck with your next meeting and fingers crossed you'll go to panel before April  

Kirstyn - I hope you're feeling better too, so many people have colds at this time of year  

Moppit - Good luck with your initial interview, I'm sure it will go well.

Jo - Welcome to the adoption thread and the remaining part of your homestudy.  I'm sure you'll have a panel date before you know it  

Popsi - 3 weeks until homestudy starts - that's not long at all.  Good luck with it  

Tarango - Great news you've been given a panel date, Feb will be here before you know it  

DandE and Chocolate Button - Welcome to the thread and good luck with your journeys  

Camly - Less than a week to go - so exciting.  Hope panel goes well for you.

Crusoe - Fantastic news you've now got a date to meet with the foster carers.  I hope it goes really well and your little one will be with you really soon.  Can't wait to hear all about it when I'm back from my hols.

Well girls, I'm off to Cuba tomorrow (can't wait) for a couple of weeks so will be AWOL for a while.  Can't wait to catch up on all your news when I return.

Take care and speak soon.

Love H xx


----------



## crusoe

HFI
Hi - I was thinking of you earlier this morning as I dragged myself out of bed in the freezing cold to walk the dog. Have a fabulous warm and sunny holiday in Cuba - you lucky thing!      
I'm sure I will have lots to tell you when you are back. We are compiling our DVD and book at the moment and seeing the medical advisor this week too!
Enjoy your hol.

Love to all on this thread
Crusoe
x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi everyone, it's so cold here! Wish we were all off to Cuba like HFI   Have a great holiday HFI. 

Moppitt - good to hear from someone else at a similar stage and that you've heard from SS. Hopefully it won't be long before you get your first visit. We're still waiting to hear summat/anything  It's been 2 months now since we atttended info evening but still no news or contact. Tried phoning SS on Friday but no answer so hubby going to try this week.

Crusoe & Camly - look forward to reading your news next week. Bet you're both on the count-down   Roll on next week for you both.

LittleMissJo - well done on getting so far already. You'll be able to give us some tips as those of us behind you get going properly! 

Popsi - not long til you get started on your homestudy. So just how tidy is your house already in prep for visits?  

Spatch - so sorry to hear about your gran   and your bug. Hope you're feeling better soon.   Definitely not the best way to lose 2 stone!

Tarango - roll on end of Feb for you. Hope it doesn't get moved. 

CG xxx


----------



## Old Timer

Just a quick message for CG...The LA wouldn't have started back until this week so get on the phone to them.  Did you fill in a form after the info evening asking to go to the next stage?  When we went through it there was a guideline of 1 month to come out and see you but I guess taking Christmas into account it will throw it out a bit.  

Hope you hear something soon
OT x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Many thanks OT. Yes we did complete a form and posted it the day after the information evening in early November to say we were stll interested and wanted to go on to the next stage. First phone call to them was to confirm they'd received it which they had. Interesting about timescale they are supposed to come out in as even with allowing 2 weeks for Christmas they've still had the paper work for over 6 working weeks. DH phoned them today and was told once again that someone would get back to us. If we haven't heard by end of tomorrow we'll be sending a letter in to the team manager. Just want some note or call to say we haven't been forgotten and when they might get back to us. Fingers crossed they do get back to us tomorrow as I hate complaining  

CG xxx


----------



## Tarango

well, I shouldn't have said the 'F' word (February) as SWer has said it's more than likely going to be March ..... never mind, it's only 8 weeks away!!!!


Good luck for Monday Camly - you'll be FAB!!!     

Cotswold girl - have you made contact with the 'mother ship' (LA) yet?

I hope HFI is having a brill time in Cuba - we were due to go in September but it was cancelled due to Hurricane Ike coming ashore infront of our  hotel and being like the big bad wolf who blew the hotel down   we will get there one day - used the holiday money to go to Lanzarote and also new TV ..... DH was a very happy man when it arrived......   

Crusoe - not long to go - eeeekkkk!! are you all sorted? Very exciting!!!

hi to Kirstyn, DandE, Spatch, OT, Popsi (not long to go now tooooooo), Chocolate Button, Moppitt, Jo and everyone else I may have forgotten ...... 


bring on the sunshine!!!!!!!

T 
xxx


----------



## popsi

Hi Ladies 

Crusoe & Camly - massive good luck to you both for the forthcoming week 

Spatch - so sorry to hear about your gran 

Tarango - March is not too far away the way time is flying by its frightening !! it will be here before you know it

lots of love to chocolate button, hfi, kirstyn, dane, and everyone else 

we are getting really nervous now for our home study (well i am Dh is very chilled, thankfully!), cant wait to get started but nervous about what can go wrong too


----------



## Tarango

Hi guys  

Just waiting for DH to run out and get our pizza -yummy!!!!!!

popsi - my DH was really laid back about HS too and I was worrying about it all - fear of the unknown and all that. I know it is easier said than done but don't worry too much about HS - your SWer will be there to guide you through it - any problems that may arise your SWer will work throiugh them with you - good luck sweetie   (big sloppy kiss on the cheek)

I did my good deed for the day this arvo, was going to do some charity accounts (yes really - I dont like to talk about my charity work  ) and when I parked up, there was a lady stood outside (she was elderly) - anyhows upon investigation, she needed social services not an older person's charity where I was - and so off we went to SS (next door but one to my building) and we got her all sorted with all she needed - good deed done  

Have a good evening - going to have some fizz and raise a glass in preparation to Camly's 'date'  (and hopefully very good & exciting news) on monday  - whooo-hoooo    

xxx


----------



## curvycat

Popsi my DH is so laid back he is almost unconscious! 

Or at least he is compaired to me who is wound tighter than a coil!! 

We are spending time with his extended family this weekend, as his parents are not talking to us, and I want to show that we do have a Black network for a prospective mixed race child.

Good luck darlin, let me know how you get on! 

Tarrango gives your DH a chance to spoil you on Valentines as I have a feeling it may be your last alone.

Cotswold Girl have they called you yet?? You must be ready to  

Camly ........... ohhhh not long!!!! Fingers, toes and everything crossed

Crusoe how exciting not long

Spatch how are you feeling? Hope you are better now

to everyone else hope you have a good weekend xx


----------



## popsi

tarango.. thanks honey   i know your right, and our social worker is lovely we have met her a few times, but like you say its the unknown, i cant help thinking its up to this one person whether we get our dream or not, but as DH says no it up to US !  

enjoy your pizza and fizz, i am going to get a takeaway and some wine later too when DH finishes work, its friday after all 

well done on your good deed today too (and for doing the charity work also  )

kirstyn .. good luck with the extended family hun, it must be hard when you have problems with close family at a time like this, but as others have said SS know not everyone can get along all the time xx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Popsi - I'm sure you'll be fine once it gets started hun  I think us women do all the worrying for our other halves - just our nature I guess. My DH is generally laid back but I worry about everything! Having a SW you like must be great - that's my biggest worry at the moment, when or if we eventually get allocated one will we like her/him.  Enjoy that wine and takeaway.  

Kirstyn - we've still not heard anything since DH phoned on Thursday...not sure what to think at moment. Wondering if we should have contacted more LAs now! We found an email address for one of the social workers at the info evening and have sent an email in as well but no response yet....Hope your family filled weekend is fun.

Tarango - hope you're enjoying that pizza, we're on a diet   all this talk of food is making me hungry  

CG xxxx


----------



## curvycat

Maybe you should give them to a certain date and if they have not contacted you try another LA or VA. CotswoldGirl.

I know someone who wasted 12months before they went to training and then another 12months and were not given a sw and they were not a million miles away from you!! Just a couple of junctions up the M5!


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Kirstyn - that's awful! I hope we're not heading the same way as the person you mentioned. Feel like we must have said something to put them off but can't think what.  After 15 years ttc I was hoping adoption would be a little quicker than it's turning out  

CG xxx


----------



## curvycat

Lets hope that it is just down to xmas! CG

I know my local LA is also doing roadshows all over brum maybe yours is doing similar.

Have you looked on there web site?

I know what you mean about being keen to get started. I feel the same. Almost like the child waiting for father christmas to come but for me it is only Jan!  

Maybe just find out about other agencies.

It wont hurt, maybe start a thread asking if there is anyone local and who they used. I know I did that and felt loads better to chat to others who have "used" the same LA as I am. They seem to vary massively!


----------



## Chocolate Button

H ladies. I sent my application for away to my LA before Christmas and posted a few other things at the same time. Some of them didn't arrive so I called LA to check if form had arrived or not. At that point they hadn't but said maybe hadn't been passed down the line yet so if I hadn't heard anything after the new year to give them a call. We will then be allocated a SW and a visit will be arranged. I still haven't heard anything and wondered when should I give them a call. I really don't want them to think I am pushy.

Cotswald girl its awful waiting to hear. Really just want ot get the ball rolling. I don't know about you, but I have so many questions I want to ask and I just want to know more about the way forward.

Kirstyn thats an awful story!

Popsi I too worry more about my DH than me as he is quite a private person. He says hes not worried and they can "ask away", but I too am sorried sick about how he will cope so I kow how you feel huni. xx


----------



## curvycat

I would give them a call choc button. They said to if you hadn't heard anything and you havent. I dont think they would regard that as pushy just interested.


----------



## Cotswold Girl

All this hanging around is a nightmare! Just like between treatment cycles....Keep wondering if another door is about to be closed to us. Just getting started or being told we'll be able to start soon would help. 

Chocolate Button - I'd give them a ring. Hopefully they should have received your application and if they haven't at least you'll know you need to send another in. 

CG xxxxx


----------



## Moppit

Hi Ladies

Chocolate Button and Cotswold Girl I'm in exactly the same position as you. Went to information day in November and they promised they would call soon after and still nothing. I chased just before Christmas and was told I would get a call in a couple of days... nothing. We did get a letter over Christmas apologising and saying they would call straight after christmas but still nothing... I am going to chase again on Monday. I think this shows that its not necessarily a specific LA thing as I suspect we are all with different LAs. Like you I just want to get started. This is the first tiny step and we don't even seem to be able to get going with that.

lets all call to chase on Monday and see what happens.

Calmly and Crusoe you must be counting down the days now... so exciting!

Moppit x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi Moppit - good to know we're not alone   We found a couple of email addresses to use for the adoption team so will see if that prompts anything next week. I'm trying to be patient honest  

It's another cold weekend here. Hope you're all keeping warm.

CG xxxxxx


----------



## mavis

Hi,

Can I join this thread too?

Can I just say to you ladies Popsi, Cotswold Girl, Choc Button and Moppit, that I think there is no harm whatsoever in chasing them up.  SS are very underfunded and there is a lot of strain in there.  I definately believe that they would regard being chased as a positive thing to show your committment and interest.  Please call them and dont stop till you get an answer, it has been the same for us a couple and I am sure for many others.

Believe me you do get there in the end.  Whoever shouts the loudest and all that.  Dont let them forget you.

I wish you all luck and if I can do anythign to help, I will.

Love hugs and lots of positive thoughst for you all       

mavis x

ps. popsi thank you to your reply mad eme cry, but feel defo better, I am too sensitive for my own good sometimes!


----------



## Camly

hiya al

welcome to all newbies    lots of luck with your journeys. as before, i dont think it does any harm to chase the SS! i did and soemtimes it was just as well, as they may have forgotten about us or not pushed as quickly ahead with things if i hadnt phoned.


crusoe - good luck with FClooking forward to hearing more.  


mavis - replied to your thread.  

CG - glad you found some email addresses. go get 'em girl!  

tarango - happy anniversary sweetie for tomorrow  

hi to all i have missed. just about to go and read our form f again to familarise ourselves with it again. also going to try on my outfit, just to make sure it still fits after xmas!..... 

enjoy the rest of your weekend all x x x x x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Camly - look forward to hearing that you've been approved and had a lovely lunch out with your DH.   

CG xxxxx


----------



## Moppit

Morning Lovely Ladies

Good news from me, I called the LA this morning to chase on a date for our initial interview and heard back from the social worker we had been allocated. She explained that she had been off sick for a week which was the reason she hadnt called. We are now booked in with her and another social worker for an interview on the 2nd of February. A bit of a shame its not earlier especially as I know they have prep groups running in February which will probably be too soon for us to qualify for but very pleased that the ball is finally rolling.

Would love the advice of any of the ladies on the board on a few things to do witht he interview:

1. What preperation did you do ahead of the interview?
2. What kind of questions did they ask you?
3. How long after the interview did you get to the next stage?

Lastly is there anyone on here who was rejected or had the process delayed after the interview and if so why. Just wondering what the reasons might be for them to reject you or say that you should go away and come back in x months..

Very nervous... feels like this is the most important interview of our lives and if we mess up it coudlb e game over for our dreams of being parents.

Moppit x


----------



## curvycat

cant answer any of your questions Moppit. 

Not there yet but can relate to the nerves! I am getting loads of family photos ext so that it is obvious what a close family we are and I have not even gone to info meet yet!!  

I did however want to say congrats! You are definately on your way now babe


----------



## lou73

Hi all, 

thought i would join in if that's OK.

We called SS at our LA last April - we were told that we couldn't have any tx on NHS cos it wouldn't work, so decided to go for the adoption route instead (I have had lots of probs for last 8 years so we kind of knew we would struggle to have our own baby)

SW came out quite quickly - we did keep pestering though!! We should have had the interview at their offices, but they came to our house (and yes I did clean out every cupboard like a maniac!!)  It was quite an informal visit really, but I felt quite stressed that I was being judged!!

We then had to keep pestering and had another visit in August to sort out our CRB checks - different social worker this time who was lovely!! Our CRBs came through really quickly - I'm not sure if thats cos we both had one done recently for our jobs though.

We were then told that we would be on the next prep course - maybe!! in September, I called a few times.  The course was eventually held in December.

Our prep course was quite intense. It was quite good that we hadn't a clue what the course was about!! We stayed quite open minded about it all. We got to meet other people who had adopted children and met a truly inspirational foster carer. We also had a visit from specialist midwife to talk about the effects of alcohol/drugs etc. Most of the course was talking about child development and things to expect. 

We had our letter today to fill in saying we want to carry on with the adoption and then we will be allocated a SW to do the home study stuff. 

Exciting times!!

I think lots of LAs are different. 

I agree with most people on her though, the waiting is INCREDIBLY hard. However, I am the most impatient person in the world!!

I hope this helps a little bit - good luck everyone with the process.


----------



## popsi

lou.. welcome to the site, it will be great getting to know you x

moppit.. congrats on the visit !!! we were so nervous on ours, i cleaned for a month before LOL !! everything and everywhere, she did not even look around, she was lovely and it was very relaxed and informal, just talked about the adoption process, why we wanted to adopt, she told us that they needed people like us and would be recommending we went on the course, which we then did, we made our enquiry in August, visit was in october and course was in november (but we were provisionally booked on the course when i made the first call) and our home study starts in 14 days  

much love to everyone else, got to go now got a poorly fur baby to look after xxx


----------



## Tibbelt

Just a quick post for Moppit (and of course   to everyone else!)

don't worry about your first meeting! I was a bag of nerves before ours - cleaned the house top to bottom (and they did look round thank goodness!), baked and turned into a jittering wreck! But it was all straight forward so nothing to worry about - they asked us why we wanted to adopt, a ibt about ourselves, how long we'd been married, what kind of things we enjoyed doing and a bit about our lifestyle etc.They also asked us outright why we couldn't have children so be prepared in case they ask you that - it felt a bit shocking to be asked quite bluntly but it was nothing, just a matter of them ticking a box.

They were very nice, had a form to work through - one SW asked the questions and the other did the writing. One thing they commented on afterwards was what a close couple we seemed, we held hands a lot and both talked - they seemed to like that!

Don't fret honey - you'll do brill! Sending you a ton of     though I'm sure you won't need it!

Hope everyone else is ok and everything is progressing well for you all

Sorry for lack of personals - babies have just woken up - got to dash! 
lol to all
S
xxxx


----------



## crusoe

Moppit - I have Pm'd you.

Love Crusoe
x


----------



## mavis

Hi Moppit,

That is good news for you.  Well Done.

I will PM you our experiences as have to be careful what we put on the site about the process.

lots fo love,

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Hi Lou,

Welcome, it is good to have you here.

I think your post is great and can help us see the picture.  

I agree about the waiting, though I keep banging on that each day that goes by we are a step closer to our dreams.

Take care,

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Popsi,

Sending you          

mavis x


----------



## Chocolate Button

Well I called SW dept today and the said they had received my application. They had a meeting on Wednesday and we have been allocated a sw who will be in touch over the next week to arrange a date to come and visit us. Finally I feel like we have taken the first little step. I also contacted the personel dept of my work and found out that I am entitled to 39 weeks paid adoption leave and then I can take further leave up to 52 weeks unpaid. I can hardly believe how lucky I am as I know many of you are in a different position. I really feel for you and think it is so unfair that everyone is not treated the same. 


Moppit thats great news for you also I am so please for you. Glad we made a wee promise to eachother to call today. xx


----------



## curvycat

really happy for you CG.

It is really starting to happen now


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Mavis - good to hear you do get there in the end   I'll just keep chasing until they say yes  

Camly - 2 emails sent off yesterday - just showing we're keen!  Fab news on your panel result   Knew they couldn't say no to you! So pleased you've been approved for 2 - well done       

Moppit - fantastic news on getting allocated a SW and a date for your initial interview - you're on your way        Completely understand your nerves but I'm sure you'll do great.

Lou - welcome and thanks so much for outlining the wait and the process and the chasing!! I feel bad for complaining how long it's taken for us to get a reply now! Sounds like it's fairly typical afterall. Still it's good to to see that persistence does pay and doesn't count against you   

Tibbelt - I hope your girls are doing well. 

Popsi - I hope your fur baby is better soon.  

Chocolate Button - great news!! You have a SW - it won't be long now. 

We're still waiting for contact of any sort from SS .......  they answer our emails or phone messages soon. 

CG xxxxxx


----------



## popsi

chocolate button thats great news, with regard to the 39 weeks paid leave thats exactly what i was told but when i looked into it its actually paid at £117 per week (Statutory adoption pay) and not fully paid, i would check as i know a lot of companies fool emloyees like this, i hope i am wrong honey xxxx 

much love to everyone, off to work now x


----------



## curvycat

I think you do need to look into the pay policy as mine was also confusing.

My company said they mirrored Mat pay when they did nothing of the like.

Hello to all


----------



## lou73

Really pleased chocolate button for the good news about sw.

Thanks for welcomes. Off work at the mo - just got out of bed, had man flu!!   Been trying to sort out all our files and info - bank statements, bills etc just in case they ask us for those kind of things!

Been having a look through our notes from our prep course and just wanted to share this with you - I hope I don't upset or offend anyone with it. I tried to read it out to my mum on the phone, but couldn't stop blubbing!! It is so true and even though we are on our journey to having our own family, it's quite apt. I feel like I shouldn't get weepy over stuff like this! Bear with me!

"My infertility resides in my heart as an old friend. I do not hear from it for weeks at a time, and then, a moment, a thought, a baby announcement or some such thing, and I will feel the tug - maybe even shed a few tears. And I think "There's my old friend." It will always be part of me..." 

Am I soft? Even blubbing as I write it!! People at work try to be understanding, but they can't really have a clue if they have their own children. I hate those 'throw away' comments - 2 people I work with announced they are pregnant and loads of people made the comments that these things come in 3's and that I would get pregnant! If only it was so easy!! I never let them know how bad I feel!

Really sorry everyone for moaning! Am trying to keep really positive cos we have a great life and you must never wish your life away, I am a great believer in fate! There will be some reason we can't have our own children (apart from the reasons we have been told!) and adoption is like having the best gift ever. 

Sorry again for moaning - I think its PMT!!!


----------



## mavis

Hi ya Lou,

You are entitled to feel crap sometimes, don't worry about it.  It is part of being human and feeling.  Just so long as it doesnt last forever!

What I would say is dont be so hard on yourself, it is easy for me to say this (but not to do it myself) but it is very true.  We are all going through the mill with the process and it is so emotive.  We may be a way off the finish yet but when we get there it will all be worth it and I think (hope) that a lot of the feelings and thoughts will go away as I will them have my own little family to worry about.

I completely empathises wiht you, this last month we have had 2 friends give birth and another one is due start of feb.  Yes I am so happy for them, but struggle inside myself.  Give yourself time and allow youself to feel sad or whatever it is, I think this is healthy.  Try not to let it get you doewn too mcuh, have you spoken to anyone else about it.

It is odd because the 1 friend that has given birth and has never had a problem conceiving - just does not seem to understand yet the friend that has given birth but has struggled for children all be it natural she has still struggled she is able to empathise and i feel I can spend time with her.

I didnt think that I would ever say this, but since we were asked to get some childcare experience I have been working in a nursery around my work schedule voluntarily, I really enjoy it, i was so nervous and still now before i go i am nervous but i love it, some days are easier than others for me on an emotional level but i do feel i has stood me in a better position and i thank the sw for that.

keep you chin up is all that i can say, and i like you just dont bother or say very little to these people with their throwaway comments.

You may be a soft, i am and would prefer to be soft than hard though i think when u r soft at times you can be easily upset.

You will get there if you want it enough.

Take care of yourself and dh.

Lots of love to you and a big  

mavis x


----------



## lou73

Thanks Mavis - I don't feel down all the time, only occasionally. 
Having a tough time at work - my boss is being a nasty madam! When I get a new job I'm sure things will be much better!! I have seen my perfect job - it's in Monte Carlo!! Wow, imagine that!! Can't apply though cos we would have to stop the adoption (I'm sure the sw wouldn't mind visiting out there though!! )

Thanks for your kind words and thoughts.


----------



## mavis

Hi Lou,

You are welcome sweet, it is what we are all here for to try and help support and share eachothers journeys.

I'd even come and visit you in MC! yes please.  What is it that your boss is upto?

Love to you,

mave x


----------



## lou73

Ta honey. 

My boss is a delight!!

Been doing an extra role for last 6 years and been paid for it cos it takes up tons of my own time and our school has really done well out of it. My pay has now stopped and she says I have to keep doing the job otherwise she will not put me forward for management course and for an extra payment I am now entitled to. I have the union on my side, but the boss is being really petty and nasty about everything and anything. 
 She just bugs me!! I have said that a few times over the last month or so!!!


----------



## mavis

Hi Lou,

I am sorry that you are having this trouble at work especially after you have helped them and put so much in.

Can I ask why have they stopped the pay? - is it due to the recession? How long is it till your management course?  Once you ahve done the course does your money then go back up? why is she being mean?

There is nothing worse than being uncomfortable at work.  I hope this sorts out for you soon.

Sorry for asking - just trying to understand.

mavis x


----------



## curvycat

The reason I love it on here so much is because we all understand the pain of infertility.

I don't believe that anyone, including our DH's, can every really understand how it feels for us.

Like most of us I am absolutely fine 90% of the time and then every now and again I feel a tug at the place my uterus used to be.

"A mum lifting her daughter to press the button at the traffic lights, a dad in the swimming pool teaching his son to dive, my best friends daughter calling me mummy and running to me when she falls."

I 100% believe that the soul of our children is not created in the womb but by God and he has chosen for our baby's souls to be carried by somebody else. 

Someone once asked me how I felt to give up on my dream of being a mother and I had to explain that the dream is the same it is the packaging that is different.


Its good to blub occasionally Lou and we are always here for you


----------



## Chocolate Button

Thanks for the advice. I asked for a copy of the policy and this is the part i get a little muddles with. Can anyone explain it to me a little more clearly?
Adoption Pay Entitlement


12.3.3	Payments for employees who have completed not less than 26 weeks’ continuous service prior to the week in which he/she is notified of being matched with a child for adoption will be as follows:

(i)	For the first six weeks of absence an employee will be entitled to nine-tenths of a week’s pay offset against payments made by way of SAP where eligible.

(ii)	For employees intending to return to work, for each of the subsequent 12 weeks the employee will be paid half a week’s pay without deduction except by the extent to which the combined pay and SAP (or any dependants’ allowances if the employee is not eligible for SAP) exceeds full pay.  For the subsequent 21 weeks the employee will be entitled to SAP.

Lou you are so right infertility will always be a part of us. I agre that some days it can be a bigger part than other days. I work full time in a nursery and it is so tough so I know exactky how you feel there. I don't think there are any answers to help us feel better, but we only have to hope that through time we won't feel as raw about the little things. Sometimes I feel that the little things like kirstyn says are the things that hurt the most. A child running open armed to her mummy at the end of the nursery day is one that always gets me. Life really sucks sometime, but we have to stay strong and keep going. We are lucky that we have eachother on here for support.


----------



## lou73

Aw thanks all!

Mavis, my pay was cut because we had staff re-structure (meaning that money was taken off 2 members of staff when it should have been kept for us but we would have a new job title - a bit complicated) We were told to 'adjust our spending accordingly'!!!!! 

Got all my evidence together now for my appeal, so fingers crossed. 

Not allowed on management course because school have to pay for it and the head said she doesn't want to waste money on me when I'm not prepared to manage a subject!! Well, no love I won't cos you have taken £2,500 off me!! I sound like a right nowty thing - I'm not really!!

Thanks for your encouragement.  

Kirstyn, thanks for your support, I love the bit about the baby's souls, that was amazing. I'm going to keep that thought with me. 

Chocolate button - ta for the nice words. I have perked up now.

2008 was a rotten year and I was so glad to see the back of it!! 2009 is going to be great! 

On a good note though, we have decided not to do a big holiday this year - I am petrified of flying so we have to take the train! We have been to South of France for last 3 years, but not sure we can afford it cos we want to save some pennies for when we need them most!! Instead we have decided to have little breaks in the UK just overnight to a nice hotel! We went to a lovely spa for our anniversary last year as a surprise and ended up bringing home a teddy bear that my dh adopted for us!!   We didn't have to fill lots of forms in for him either, however he still has no name so any suitable suggestions??


----------



## Moppit

Just caught up on messages from yesterday and had to shed a tear at my desk after reading your first message Lou. The words you wrote in your prep course are so, so true and beautifully put. You should write a diary through this whole experience, not only will it be therapeutic but one day you could show it to your children to show what you went through and how much you wanted them. I too try to carry on with life pushing the pain to the back of my mind yet sometimes it sneaks up on me and is so hard to take. Like all the girls who posted its the same for all of us. Any major event in your life changes you and stays with you and this is bigger than most. It will have made us better people, stronger and more able to see what is really important in life but its a hard journey. Adoption is second choice for most of us but not second best. I firmly believe every single wonderful lady on here will get there and one day our infertility won't be something we wake up thinking about every day becasue we will be busy and fulfilled being Mummys. 
Until then we just have to survive...

Moppit x


----------



## lou73

Aw thanks Moppt. Really touched by your kindness. 

I did start to write a diary, just to get things off my chest, but couldn't think how to start it!! 

Trying to keep busy with loads of different things. It really helps chatting on here too, knowing that there are lots of other people going through the same things.


----------



## mavis

Hi Lou,

You are welcome and good luck, not that you should need it.  I am gunning for you.  

Hope everyone else is all ok.

lots of love,

mavis x

ps. i am worrying about popsi.


----------



## mavis

I am just lovint this thought I would try and add some bad humour in to cheer us up a bit.

So,  What's the difference between a weasel and a stoat?

A weasel is weasily recognised but a stoat is stoatally different. 

- Oh I just love it! sorry sad but I love it xx


----------



## Camly

good 1 mavis! made me    hee hee x x x


----------



## curvycat

Ok finally made the first step!! 

Went to info evening! 

Mixed feelings with the LA the SW said they have loads of children and told me in particular they are looking for mixed race couples as they have lots of baby's. Also the time scale she discussed seems a little to good to be true. 3weeks before assessment, 4months before training and only 6months before HS! That means we could be matched by the end of the yr!! 

It seems in Birm LA you have one team assess then another team HS then another team match then yet another team post assessment. 

DH wants to go with them as he feels they will have the better matches for us. 

I am not sure I think I would rather go with a smaller team but every now and again I need to let DH make a decision! 

Hope you are all well 

x


----------



## mavis

Hey Kirstyn,

I have PM'd you.

Firstly, well done for going and getting through.

What is it that you have mixed feeling about? the timescales? if so, they could be true, I wonder if others on here have been through Birmingham that could give you an inidication? or on ADUK.  It mayb be worth a look.

Whats the next step now?

The dates you ahve given are they 3 weeks till assess then add on to it 4 months (or is the 4 months like less the 3 weeks so 9 weeks?) sorry just trying to get an idea?  

They dont seem bad to me and if that is the case could be fab.  One thing I will say and not wanting to be neg or bring you down is that - I imagine is the same for other ladies going through adoption, is that dates arent alwasy kept to and are or can be changed at short notice sometimes (but not all the time) not wanting to get you down and you should be aware these are appx timescales not set in stone so to speak.  As I know on our prep course everyone got hung up on the dates including me and still do, but they didnt happen as things get postponed delayed, short staffed all sorts.  (iI am not trying to be mean just to prepare you maybe)

It is really great they feel they have some good matches for you.  I really dont think they would say it if it was not true (well i hope they wouldnt) This is great news Kirstyn defo, really positive.

When you say smaller team? how do you mean? what is it that you are worried about?

babe, i am feeling for you, a lot to take in.

big bhug to you sweetie   

mavis x


----------



## Dame Edna

Hi Mavis (Kirstyn)

Sadly you are quite right to be cautious about 'estimated timescales'. We were forecast to go to panel in June 08 but didn't get there until November 08 in the end. A huge unforeseen delay.

I think it is wise to add on approximately 4 months to any timescale you are given to be honest. You might be lucky but you usually wait at some point in the process, be that waiting for HS, waiting for a panel date, waiting for a match, hick ups after a match is made etc. The Government targets however are 9 months form official application (application completed after prep course and not counting from your initial phone call) to getting to panel. The LA's do try to stick to that but just be aware that delays can and do happen ..... (I am sure you know that anyway  )

Good luck to you and Kirstyn and I hope it is a quick, painless and smooth ride for you both!

Dame Edna
A Dame in WAITING after approval  !!


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ladies

ABout time scales- from 1st email to going to panel for us was 9months 10 days and we got told about our children 25weeks after being approved and the day before our 2yrs since 1st email we went to legally adopt our 2 so quick can happen! our LA is a small team and we know them all which is lovely cos if our SW was out of office i could speak to anyone and they knew me (and our case/children ect)

xxx


----------



## crusoe

If it helps anyone our timescale has looked like this:
May 07 - Initial enquiry
July 07 -Initial visit
Nov 07 - Prep course
Jan 08 - 2nd prep course (our LA seems unusual in having 2)
Feb 08 - medicals
March -June 08 Home study
July 08 - Approval panel
Oct 08 - contacted about a potential match
Feb 09 - matching panel.

I think how long the process takes is like asking how long is a piece of string, there really are so many variables. All I can say is that with each step I feel we have been making positive progress - I  never really felt that with IVF.

Love Crusoe
x


----------



## mavis

Hi Dame Edna, Thank you, I hope it is too a smooth ride that is and quick, but will not hold my breath has be fun (not already) but will be worth it I am sure.  GOOD LUCK to you soon - hope you get your match v soon.  Thank you for your kind words and help, mavis x

Hi MJ and Crusoe, Thank yuo that does really help, to hear about other timescales.  I agree too about a step forwards, each day gone is a step forwards to me without wanting to wish my life away.  Thank you, mavis x

Thank you all v much,

mave x


----------



## curvycat

the 3 weeks, 4months, 6months is from now. 

I kind of feel she was in sales mode and I think that is why I am nervous. I am a sales person myself and have an innate mistrust of all those in sales  

we have meeting booked on Monday to do crb's and application but they don't wait for crbs to come back before starting the process so if what she said is true we will be assessed in the next couple of weeks.

I am going to take these dates as best case but be aware that others who have used the same LA have has very different experiences! 

What is it they say "expect the worst but hope for the best"

Thank you to all who have told us there time scales I think it really helps to be prepared

It is great that she was confident that they would easily be able to match us and that is why we have, or should I say Mr k has, chosen to work with this LA.



Anyone anything great planned for the weekend?

We are completing forms and they have also asked us to start on the adoption competency questions! WOW my head blew! 

CG have you heard anything yet?


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Lou - your boss sounds like a right charmer! Think they should "adust their expectations of you" if you've got to adjust your spending   Your quote from prep course was so apt   - like others have said better to be softie than hard faced like some people. This journey we're all on gets to us all from time to time - mostly when we least expect it or when someone else's good news makes us wish we had our own to share. Have you named your adopted bear yet? If not can we have some more details so we can help name him  

Kirstyn - sounds great that they have lots of babys and that they don't seem to think you'll have too long a wait. They seem pretty organised too if you've already got a meeting arranged and forms to fill in! Worth going with the flow just on that basis. An LA in the hand is better than one in the bush   As Mavis said it's also worth posting to see if anyone else has used Birmingham - they may be able to reassure you. I know it feels like a huge decision and you want to make sure it's a good one you make, I hope your next meeting with them gives you the reassurance you need sweetie. You could always ask how they handle transferring your application between the different teams as you move through the process - how do they make sure they "know" you. I expect it's just nerves kicking in and a bit of self preservation - a bit of it's too good to be true so can't be good! It can be and should be after all you've been through. 

Dame Edna, Crusoe & MJ - thanks for info on timescales - really useful for those of us starting out.

Well girls I've finally got some news ........ YES we have finally heard from SS and have a Social Worker assigned and a date for our initial visit. Very excited now but know the nerves will be kicking in between now and late Jan!!

Have a great weekend everyone  

CG xxxx


----------



## mavis

Kirstyn,

 That is great.  Sounds like it will be motoring on for you.

Yeh but i bet you are one of those natural sales people.

Monday, I cant believe it, it so fab it all seems to be steaming on for you. Choo choo!!

That is defo great about the matching as some LA's have shortages.  I would be wetting myself in hope and anticipation.  I defo agree with CG on asking about how they deal with transfering your details in between the stages, and also they do seem organised.  I would be the saem too with the self preservation / too good to be true bit - think it natural.  Your right to still be a little wary but keep it in the back of your mind so is still there - but dont let it ruin the experience for you, enjoy as much of it as you can.

Weekend wise, quite dull, have had a tiring week so gonna do a few miles today with the dog try and shift some of them llbs!!! quiet one on, pop in and see my dad tomorrow - that's it.  U?  

Hi CG,

Fab fab fab news! Well Done     

It is so nice when you finally get them pinned down.

Yey and late Jan too so we are nearly there.

Brill.


--------------------------------

have a good weekend all, love mavis x


----------



## Camly

hiya

how r u all?  

cg - great news about sw sweetie!    heres hoping time goes quickly for you.  

kirstyn - i will pm you.

mavis - enjoy your walk with your doggy.

quiet day for me, dh is working away and i had the girls round for dinner last night. we do a 'come dine with me' each month, so last night was my 1st go....considering im normally a 'ping' dinner girl, it was a real achievement   made.....home made veg soup, chicken bacon mushroom cassarole with homemade roasties and then  meringue and fresh fruit with ice cream. it was awesome...could eat it again! hahahaa  told some of the girls our news about being approved so they were all very happy for us which was smashing. still not fully sank in yet. told folk in work also and they were all really positive etc which was nice.

anyhoo....enjoy your weekends 

hi to everyone. x x x x x


----------



## mavis

Hi Camly,

I love that come dine with me got it on repeat on sky plus.

I re watched the one last night where the bloke from the pub was sick at the posh womans house.

I cant help it, I love people watching.

Do you score eachother?   I think that would be a bit harsh if you did!!! heeeeeeeeeee he, could you imagine, i would have no points probably and no friends!!

Seriously sounds like a really good thing to do.  What is a 'ping' dinner girl?  Ooh wish i was there I love meringue.

We have taken the dog out, got very cold ears and faces! us not dog, dog just got swamped in the canal, decided he fancied a swim, also treated meself to Coleen Nolans dvd disco burn, which for a fitness dvd is quite tgood, well so far, ask me again afetr i have heard it again and agaiun after a few weeks!  

Take care,

love, mavis x


----------



## popsi

Hiya Ladies

How are we all on this windy cold day ! we have been visiting our friends and their 9 month old so i got to play mummy and do the feeding etc ...  liquidised chicken dinner and yogurt for dessert, he loved it.. and i had lots of photos etc for our evidence  , they are one of our referees and the genuinely want us to adopt almost as much as we do and have been wonderful x, but home now and chilling on the sofa with glass of cider   watching the rugby, going to make a lovely steak and chips supper for after too 

Mavis.. your walk sounds lovely, i cant wait until we can walk popsi again should be about a week or so now, not long at all for your first visit, are you nervous at all, one of the couples on our course had theirs last week and said it was all good, lasted three hours but time flew, they were told they hoped to get to panel in april !! mad or what lol. Well done on the DVD hope you enjoy it, we have a wii fit so i gonna get back to that this week !

Kirstyn.. good luck for your meeting on Monday time will fly by now you will see xx

Cotswold girl.. well done on getting your initial visit, once you have had that your well and truely on the road then and things will move quite quickly i am sure x

much love to everyone else


----------



## mavis

Hi ya Popsi,

Oooh lucky you, Sounds like you really enjoyed it, I love doing all that stuff, coz u get support and guidance too and oyu can ask questions and I just love being mum.  Hate giving them back (if you know what I mean)  It's great they are such good friends and they will give you a refernce too all bodes well and that they support you.  I wish we had steak and chips!!!

Well Just washed the dog, filth everywhere! dryed him off a bit, thinking about some tea now! cant beat yours think we are going to go with some beef, quinoa and salad!! odd but should be ok and a glass of red.

I bet you cant wait to take her out again, bless her when will she be allowed out again?  It was lovely just vvvvvv windy  and a bit cold in the wind too.  Rosey cheeks still!

Yes I am nervous to be honest but also excited, scared and excited for so many reasons, but bring it on - I want us to get going again as has been ages since we last did anythign July last year!!!! [email protected] your friends panel in April, that woudl be lovely for them, if mine told me that i'd have to add at least 3 months onto it!!! (I can imagine the time flying)

The wii fits are really cool, i like it when it does that 'measuring' bit sounds so cute.  I would only buy one for that!

What about you, your only a few days after on Monday isnt it?

Have a good rest of weekend - hopefully spk again soon,

mavis x


----------



## Chocolate Button

Hi ladies hope you are all enjoying a relaxing weekend.
DH and I contacted our LA and 1 VA when we first started to enquire. Our LA sais last week we had been allocateda SW who would call this week to arrange to come out and see us, but so far no call! A SW from the VA has called twice and left messages for us. 
I was wondering should be or even re we allowed to arrange a visit from both of them and decide after that who we prefer to go with?
I am not sure what would be the best way forward.


----------



## mavis

Hi Chocolate Button,

From what I understand from a friend and I am sure some other ladies on here will also be able to coroborate this, if this is your intial  visit from them then it is fine to see who ever you like.  

It is your choice after all.

I must admit I never even realised you could use anyone else other than LA.

Hope this helsp a little.

mavis x

ps. what a pain, I hope the LA rings back this week? Did you chase them again?


----------



## Chocolate Button

Thanks Mavis  I haven't tried to call LA again as I am really worried about looking too pushy. I will give them until Tue/Wed and then call again.
We have decided to call VA and be totally honest and say that we are looking into LA also and askhem what they feel would be appropriate to do re first visit.
It is so frustrating when someone says they will call and they don't. The VA seems to be on the ball where that is concerned.
I am so   as to who to go with and think it would be good to speak to someone from both.

Anyone got any pros and cons for LA v VA?


----------



## curvycat

CB from what I can understand the following can be true regarding LA's and VA's.

The sw's are generally more efficient in VA's as they are paid an awful lot of money by each LA for a child placed, higher by 2 to 3 x the cost. They also apparently pay the SW's a higher salery so that could mean they employ the better SW's. They generally will get you through to pannel a lot quicker because of this.

The down side to working with a VA however is they do not "have" there own children. A LA will come to them after they struggle to place a child themselves or if they need to place outside there local area. A LA would much rather place there children themselves because of cost. This would most likely mean that although you go to pannel quicker it may take longer to be matched.

If you go through an LA you will most likely have to "chase" the sw's and please do not feel like you are being pushy. The manager of our LA has said they want us to be pushy if we feel things are not moving quickly enough. It will most likely take you longer to get to pannel as the sw's are generally over stretched but you should be matched a lot quicker and it could be argued that you will be matched with a child more within your prefered requirments.

My partner and I discussed this at length and in the end opted for our LA. We felt that either way we would be made to wait and my DH felt quite strongly that our local LA would match our requirments best being a mixed race couple.

I do not know if you can be interviewed by both. Have you completed an application form for both? 

I would however recommend you call your LA and ask them when they will be able to visit before you make a decision.

Hope you have a good weekend


----------



## Chocolate Button

Thank you kirstyn for the info. DH and I found it very helpful. I think I will call the LA again and see what they say. I do feel that I would like to stick with them, but I think I need to get it into my head that by being pushy doesn't get you a bad reputation!!
I fully understand the lenght of time the process takes, but am keen to have at least my first visit soon to ask and here more about the process.. Fingers crossed that next week we might get a date to put in our diary. x


----------



## mavis

Hi CB,

Hope you get some firm info from them in the week!

I totally understand the annoyance and frustration of them saying that they will call back and they dont, maybe you could say somethign like this is the 3rd time that we have called and don't want to become a nuisance - but would like to speak to someone.

Out of interest, hgave you done a search on here, I just did one for LA VA and quite a lot of different threads and posts came up which you may find useful.

Keep your chin up babe, you will get there.

I am agreeing with Kirtsyn, as I am not sure where I saw on here someone saying that you are allowed to contact and meet who you like for first time then choose from there.  But defo my friend did see 2 agencies and the la and she stuck with the la.  She prefered them. 

It is a confusing time, hopefulyl things will be clearer in the week for you - you just need these people to speak to you (i like you set tiem frames, so like you ahve said if you havent heard tues/weds then chase, I dont just chase chase chase, or you could post on the main adoption board and maybe some people can help from there too.

I wish you luck,

take care,

mavis x


----------



## Chocolate Button

Thanks ladies. xx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Chocolate Button - I share your frustatrations and confusion over whether to phone or not. We had to chase our LA several times and twice the said they'd phone back but didn't - like you I was really worried they'd think we were pushy/impatient if we kept phoning, but hanigng around waiting for a phone call is sooooo frustrating that in the end we emailed! That got us a response and an apology for the delay so thankfully chasing doesn't seem to have counted against us. 

Like others have suggested I'd give them until Tuesday or Wednesday then give them another ring. They're probably just busy. I'd also speak to both your LA and VA and see who you get a good feel about.

Good luck, I hope you hear from them before you have to phone them  

CG xxxx


----------



## curvycat

well just had our crb and application meeting and I have very mixed feelings! 

she obviously liked us and said that she couldnt see why we wouldnt be put forward to the prep training but.....

as a sales rep I drive for 6hours a day on average and have traveled up and down the country.

In the last 9yrs I have been done for speeding 5 times.

Apparently they could have a problem with this as it a safety issue for children!!!!  

She also pretty much told me to stop talking so much! 

DH loved that  

next comes screening apt, this will apparently take 4hours!  

here we go!


----------



## mavis

Hi Kirtsyn,

You been! phew eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Don't the points come off after 3 years or something?

Hope ur ok, msn me when u can,

mave x


----------



## Camly

hiya kirstyn

Mm....i dont remember the sw'er asking about any points on licences, as my dh has 3 pts for speeding?  try and not worry just now. re the talking bit - take it with a pinch of salt! 

did they say when you would hear more?  

hi to everyone else x x x x x


----------



## crusoe

Kirstyn - I really wouldn't worry too much about the speeding thing. If they were funny about it could you offer to do a short driving safety course or something - just to show willing? But honestly I think you'll be fine.
Good luck with the next bit of the process!

Love Crusoe
xxx


----------



## curvycat

we were ultra careful and put speeding offences on the form dating back to when passed the test! 

As I have been driving 17yrs that is quite a lot  

I have done a driving improvment course with work so I am hoping that will help. They have asked me to write a report on each offence stating, when, where and why and what I learnt from it!!  

I was late to an appointment and the camera got me! honest guv! 

She said that they will contact me for an early medical and another screening that will apparently take 4hours! I also need to have a home health and safety early. 

Calmed down now! 

Thanks mav for centering me!


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Kirstyn,

They can't be that worried or they wouldn't have said you could go through for the prep course or be talking about a screening session. You'll just need to show them that from now on you'll be driving carefully as you're a Mum in waiting   

Popsi - how's your dog? Has the cone come off?

Hope everyone's well. Getting fed up of salads this end - it's definitely not the weather for dieting  

CG xxxx


----------



## Chocolate Button

The VA SW called again today. She said that she hoped I didn't feel like she was pestering us and that she just wanted to offer us a place on the prep courses in FEB!!! I was totally honest and said we had made enquires with LA also and we unsure what route to go. SHe was lovely and we takled for ages. She told me al little about the process with them and that approx time scales would be Prep groups in Feb, Home study pretty quickly afterwards and that should take approx 4 months and then panel. After that it may take up to a year to be matched, but that could vary either way. I really really liked her and I asked about the fact that LA get children first. She said that is true to a certain extent, but doesn't mean they don't get children that we feel we may be interested in. I felt like I was comfortable with her and DH and I had decided o go with them.
Then we got home and LA hd left message on answering machine.
I am so undecided what to do.   I am getting myself in a right tizzy.
Off to do some reasearch on the boards about LA or VA. xx


----------



## popsi

hi ladies

cotswold girl.. my dog is getting better now thankfully, she has had all the tubes out of her ear and they are really pleased so has no stitches or anything but has to keep the cone on till the weekend until the small wounds heal or she will scratch it bless .. she hates it love her.. hope your ok and thank you for asking x

kirstyn.. i agree dont worry about it too much, we were told that absolutely everything would show up no matter what on CRB but both DH and I have been caught speeding and he was fined once for throwing litter   but nothing at all showed up and they were really happy just that we had warned them it may x

Mavis.. how are you honey, OMG you must be getting all ready now, i bet your cleaning and deciding what biscuits to buy   xx thinking of you cant wait to hear how it goes.

well DH and I got all our adoption info out yesterday and did lots of reading and some forms from our course done, it was really nice and we got excited about it all again, just    he gets some good news from work and we can go ahead as planned

lots of love to everyone else, i am off now as been really busy making wedding invitations tonight so my eyes are all blurred lol and i have a golden retriever who is demanding cuddles


----------



## Cotswold Girl

CB - firstly a big    

Wonderful news about the timescales with the VA! You must be really torn. Being comfortable with the people you're dealing with is so important and I'm a great believer in gut instinct so follow your heart as well as your head hun.

Perhaps you could give your LA a ring and let them know that you're considering the VA and they've invited you to a prep course in February. If you let them know that you'd still like to consider the LA but need to speak to someone soon as the VA is pressing you for an answer they might make seeing you and your DH more of a priority. 

Perhaps also worth starting a new thread to see if anyone can tell you more about the VA and LA you're considering. I wouldn't be surprised if your LA offers to fast track you too  


Pospsi - give your golden retriever a hug from me, poor thing having to out up with that old cone. 

CG xxxxx


----------



## Chocolate Button

I never thought that LA might do that? I am going to give them a call tomorrow and see what they say, but I also tink youare so right about being comfortable and I cartainly felt that way about the SW from the VA. I will see what LA say tomorrow. I will keep you posted. 
Thanks for all your advice ladies. xx


----------



## mavis

Hi Ya Popsi,

How are you doing?

Glad to hear your ok and that doggy is on the mend, kisses for you all.  XXX, I am also pleased that you are still busy with your cards.

Things are not great this end not a lot coming in!, but we keep going and am thnakful we are still in employment at the moment! Fingers crossed we can get through this with minimal disruption.

Othert than the above worry, I am excited but nervous, I cant wait, but am still anxious it may get cancelled like before! (so positive!)

I was thinking about you yesterday, you are under a week now, how you feeling?

Yep, have cleaned the whole house!! again and again, and sure will again, dried my hands out!!!

OOooh is exciting.

Thinking of you too.

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Hi CB,

Have you had any joy yet?

mavis x


----------



## Chocolate Button

Well it is decided VA it is. I spoke to LA today and to be honest I didn't really like the SW. She was a bit dry and reluctant to tell me very much. She said she would have to come out and see us before she coul say anything and when I asked about prep courses, timescales etc she just kept saying well if you can move onto prep courses they will be in Feb, but Id have to see you first and if yu are ready to move on and it would be 6 months to do homestudy and that is after you are allocated a SW. I had to virtually pull every bit of info out of her. Maybe it is me, but I felt the SW from the VA was so much more friendly and positive. When I said to her I was a Child Development Officer she was very enthusiastic, but LA SW almost brushed over it. Not that it makes me the perfect adoptive parent, but it can't be a bad thing and a wee bit of encouragment would be nice. 
So I followed my heart and we are now defo going with VA. I do have the odd twang of worry particularly about the fact that LA get younger children  and first choice, but I keep reminding myself that it doesn't mean our LA wil have the perfect little angel for us.
Thank you so mch for all your help and advice it has helped me so much. Thank you. xxxx


----------



## mavis

Hi CB,

That's great.  Now you are moving forward, bet you feel relieved you have made the decision.

Wishing you loads of love and luck,    

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Kirtsyn,

Just seen what you wrote:

_Thanks mav for centering me! _

You are welcome anytime ; )

mavis x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

CB - glad speaking to the LA helped you make your decision. I'm sure it'll work out well. There's going to be waiting either way but at least this way you get approved sooner, which would feel like a huge step forward in itself. 

Good luck. The countdown to your prep course starts now then  

Mavis - hope you're able to relax now your house is sparkling. Not long now til you start you HS.   

CG xxx


----------



## popsi

Hi Ladies

Mavis.. yes its a busy time for me now it will quieten down as the year moves on, hope things pick up with you soon, its such a worry and even worse when we are going through this too x ..you must be really excited now .. they wont cancel at this short notice  

well as for me.. our SW called today and cancelled monday !!!   i was gutted, but i rung her back and she fitted us in for Thursday next week, and then she is going on holidays but will give us homework before she goes, so there will be a small delay for visit number 2 then, but to be honest thats ok as it gives us time to find out what is gonna happen with DH  

Chocolate button.. i am so pleased you have made your choice now, its good to follow your heart, and its such an important thing its important you feel comfortable with the people you have choosen to take you to your dream, and you sound like you are x

cotswold gir.. how are you hope your ok

kirstyn.. hope your ok and not worrying to much

love to everyone else.. off to look for some pink bows now


----------



## curvycat

popsi thats rubbish and I would of been really upset but I think u are right it will give your DH more time to find out whats happening.

CB I think u have done the right thing, I really think there isn't much in it either way, my DH made the choice for us as I think I would of always worried if the grass was greener.

CG have u started cleaning yet   now I am waiting for the SW to be allocated! Major obsessing over phone and post! 

Mavis my love not long now! I really think it will be so so so much easier once you are back in the swing.

To all others hello! 

Camly has the smile hurt your cheeks yet  

I have had a mixed day today. 

All my furniture is in lock up from when I moved in with DH and there has been a leak! Unfortunately my DH in his wisdom didn't take out insurance  

But sales figures come in today and a nice bonus to put away in preparation for Adoption leave and baby stuff! 

See how positive I am being today


----------



## mavis

Hi CG,

Thank you   , the house is in need of another clean, I did a major one, but dog and cats have erm well lets say made a bit of a mess in this muddy damp weather!!! ; ), so just a little respritz tomorrow!!!

Not long for you now either till you get going HOORAY  

I hope it all goes well for you too.      Will be brill to be moving on with it.  What day is it, I am hopeless with those tickers?

Take care, lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Hi Ya Popsi,

I am so sorry to hear that, pretty gutting isnt it.    I am glad that you can be positive about it.   Better than getting down about it.  I think we should be ok this time, but last time she cancelled the same day, I didnt even know till I got home to meet her, I was so upset : (
nevermind!  Least she has got you re booked now  

Yep hoping the work picks up defo, this time of year is always quiet for us anyway so is nottoo much out of trend, there is very littel going on, not a lot of confidence.  With some luck after all this bailing out hopefully then banks will start lending and people will start spending, jobs will improve and the economy can move on a little again.

Iv'e enjoyed watching the Barack O'Bama because it is happy (been making the most fo those feelings), but I do feel for that man and his family he has a lot on his shoulders, not alone I know but I think some people just expect it to be ok literally overnight.  Just builds up for a disappointment.  He seems quite fair but will see.

I am worn out with my dvd and diet  , doing it everyday, i am not good at doing things in moderation or by halves, my personality is a bit all or nothing and am constantly tryign to find and in between.

Have you managed to get out on a dog walk yet?

So you SW is coing on the 29th!! oooh - what time is she coming?

Take care and lots of love,  

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Hi ya Kirtsyn,

Aaaaaaaah babe   , sorry about your luck how annoying argggggggggggggh!  , still gives you a chance to get some new things   

How are you feeling today? hoefulyl catch u onmsn later.  

I know the feeling waiting for phone, post email not good.  It alwasy comes when you dont expect it, or it did for me! bit like when you are waiitng for a phone call or someone top come and they are later, you go to the loo and then they come while you are on the loo!!!  

Well done for you positivity - A+++++  

Take care my sweet and hopefully catch u later,

mavis x


----------



## Chocolate Button

oh my goodness I can't believe it. Called VO to confirm we will be going with them and guess what they want to do our initial visit tomorrow as the prep courses are just around the corner. I am stunned, excited and soooooo nervous.
Im off to clean clean clean!!!!
Pop back on later once im done and catch up with you all then. xx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

CB -woohooo fantastic news hun    - bet the dust is flying!! I hope it goes well tomorrow    
They're definitely on the ball  

Kirstyn - sorry about your damp things, I hope there's not been too much damage (at least to things you didn't want an excuse to replace  ) Won't surprise you to hear we're getting around to all those jobs that have been outstanding for ages...like a bedroom that was plastered months ago and was waiting to be painted   

Mavis - really hope all goes well for you tomorrow. Once you've got the Home Study underway the time will fly by.    Pets eh - they certainly know how to mess the house up when you least want them too. Our cat always finds a nice clean patch of carpet in the main thoroughfare to be sick on - somewhere difficult to hide!   I expect she'll do something like that late Wednesday night/early Thursday morning as our visit is Thursday morning.

Popsi - looks like we're both waiting for our SWs to visit next Thursday. So sorry they postponed, but really pleased you're still on track to get it done next week rather than after her hols. 

CG xxx


----------



## curvycat

CB wow way to go girl! 

Looks like you definitely made the right decision! 

CG not long darlin I am so jealous. We had a letter in the post this morning and I got all excited but it was confermation of the appointment we already had on Monday!!! 2days late!!! Hope this isn't a sign of things to come! 

Mave everything is crossed for u.


----------



## mavis

Hi All,

Well it went really really well better than we could have hoped for and we are so pleased she seems really nice.

CB, Great news, how did it go?

CG and Popsi your not far off now are you - oooh so exciting.

Kirtsyn, hope they get back to you soon for you screening date. 

Take care for now, off to take doggie out in the horrible wind and rain! ~ woof  

mavis x


----------



## lou73

Hi all, 

just been having a quick look through the posts. 

Wanted to just give big hugs    to everyone and hope everything is OK, sounds like its been a pretty mixed week. Are the stars all in conflict or something? Loads of rubbish stuff seems to be happening. 

Having a mixed time at the mo - got phone call earlier this week saying LA are hoping to allocate a SW by end of week! Hurrah!! 

However, my boss has cranked up the nasty factor big time - she makes Simon Cowell look like a puppy!! Basically I lost my money for doing my extra work, but cos she knew I had called an appeal about this, she had to push through my extra allowance based on my 'time served'  so now I am laughing cos I am getting more money from her but doing less work!! Bonus! 

Got back pay from September so will be using that for buying things once we adopt! How exciting!!

Also have 2 appointments to look round schools for new jobs to start after Easter!! Very exciting. Fingers crossed! 

  to you all x


----------



## mavis

Hi ya Lou,

Glad you came out on top! : ) 

GREAT NEWS that you are going to get a SW assigned to you for HS, HOORAY!  

Keep us posted,

I am so pleased the Mrs Cowell has got some come uppence!

lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Girls

Glad you all doing fine, I don't post on here very often now but I read FF every day, perhaps I should post more often.

We are currently waiting to go to panel on Monday evening to hopefully get approved, I am natuarlly nervous but also getting excited now, I just hope so much that we get approved, our SW have said well if I didn't think you would be approved you wouldn't have got this far, but it's easier said than done not to panic.

I will let you know how we get on (FINGER'S & TOES Crossed for me)

crazybabe


----------



## popsi

crazybabe... wishing you all the luck in the world for Monday, you will be just fine i am positive x let me know how you get on, will be in touch soon looking for help and advice no doubt, thanks for everything so far

lots of   for everyone xx


----------



## lou73

Mavis - thanks for the cheery words. I just keep laughing to myself about it all.  

Crazybabe, good luck for Monday. Wishing you lots of luck, sure you won't need it though.


----------



## mavis

Hi Crazybabe,  

I think your SW is right I dont think that they would waste their valuable resources if they didnt think that you would be what they needed.  It is natural to feel like you do and I am sure I will feel like it too.  It's exciting times for you  

Try and keep yourself focused on some other things till Sunday so you dont get too stressed oooooooot and then let all the panel stuff in, try and relax - do some nice things if you can and have a nice weekend.  

I am sure I would be the same if not in fact worse!

Defo sure you will be fine like all the others have said.

Wish you lots and lots of luck and warm wishes.    

Lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi everyone,

Mavis - So glad your meeting went well and you like the SW - you must be so relieved to get the first one done.   How's the diet going then? I've lost 5 lbs but still have some way to go! Salads just don't hit the spot at this time of the year   

Lou - so pleased your boss got her come uppance and you're laughing all the way to the bank with some back pay   You just need to get that new job and wave good bye to her   Well done on getting your SW too - sounds like your luck has turned hun. Must be a 3rd peice of good news on its way    

CrazyBabe - will keep everything crossed for you on Monday but like others have said I'm sure you'll be fine. Your SW would have told you if there was anything that could stop you know. I know that won't stop the nerves, but try to hold on to that thought on Monday. Looking forward to hearing that you've got the official seal of approval.   

Kirstyn - they came out to see you so quickly they probably just beat the post!

CG xxxxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi cotsworld girl

Thank you for your kind words it means a lot to both my DH and I, I have started to get excited now and thinking on the positive side, I will be shouting from the roof tops if we get approved on Monday, we have waited so long to be parents.

I will let you know ASAP with our answer

Much Love

crazybabe


----------



## mavis

Hi CG,

Thanks, erm diet is going ok in that I am being good food and more exercide but last week was first week and only lost 1 lb!!!! : ( I am on a/f and wonder if that makes a difference, oh, well just keep going and hope for the best worst case was a pound in the right dircetion but is going to be very slow at this rate!  How about yours, how long have you been on it?  I know what you mean about the salad I just cant do too much of it when am cold so lots of soups!

Take care,

mavis x


----------



## lou73

Thanks CG for the kind words   - my boss is spitting chips especially cos I'm now getting even more money for doing less work!! Hurrah!! 

I must have really bugged her cos she called me in the office and said that I was always rude to her and all the staff and was very impatient with all the children and rude to them all the time and that I should try to be professional in my job!!!! She has a nerve - nobody at school likes her at all and if I'm so rude to all the staff, why are we all such good pals and go out loads, and why do the children cling like limpets to me every time I see any of them in school - I must be sooooooo horrid!!! Can't believe I let it get to me!  

The best thing is though, we have our family on their way and I have a great marriage - she's just a bitter old hag!! 

Rant over!!!

Hope everything is well with you all.


----------



## Chocolate Button

A qiuck post my initial visit went well. I will pop on soon and tell you all about it and catch up with where you all are and post some personal messages asap, but my computer is not working properly so if I go awol for a few days you know where I am.
post soon and   to all. xx


----------



## Moppit

Hello Lovely Ladies

Have been super busy at work and havent been able to log on for a while but just catching up on everyones news. Had a mad weekend looking after 3 under 5's (trying to get childcare experience so this isnt counted against us in the initial interview!). Was totally and utterly exhausting but loved every minute (even the poo incidents which occured several times as the 2 year old is potty training). DH also helped for the first day and threw himself into it which I was so pleased about. It pulled at my heart strings to see him with the kids and just can't wait for him to be a Daddy!

Chocolate Button - Really pleased to hear your initial interview went well. Ours is on Monday next week and I am utterly terrified. Would be really interested to get any insigt from yours. Did you get any really difficult questions? When will you hear if you are okayed to go to the next stage?

A massive thank you to everyone on here who sent me PMs about the initial interview. DH and I are going to do some preperation this weekend in terms of thinking of how to answer questions (and cleaning the house!!!) and these are really, really useful. I havent had a chance to reply in person to each of you but I will do.

Crazybabe - Thinking of you today. I know its going to be good news and can't wait to hear it. You deserve it!

Love to everyone else.

Moppit x


----------



## curvycat

hi all

Hope you all had a good weekend

My DH and I felt we needed to have a adoption distraction before I went mad with the wait for SS to contact us with a date for the screening meeting!

So we went to a really nice Michelin Star restaurant.

Super food and lots of it so the diet went out of the window .................. never mind!  

SS lost some of my paperwork so had to get it redone.   great start! 

Back at work so hopefully the time will go faster.

Good luck Moppit with Monday although I am sure you will be just wonderful. 

CB glad all went well

CG 5lbs wow! I think I have put 5 on after the weekend  

Lou I am sure you can think of loads of really nice things to spend that money on   I know I could  

Mav just a big  

To all else enjoy your week


----------



## Chocolate Button

AAArgh my computer driving me mad  

Moppit of course I will give you all the info about my first visit. I am struggling with this blasted computer at teh moment, but I will try to pm you asap with all the details, but it really isnt anything to worry about. It was all very relaxed.

Catch up with you all soon.


----------



## crazybabe

Hi all

Just a quick post to lrt you all know we got approved this evening to be adopive parents for up to two children YIPEEEEEEE        we are so happy,  we are both on cloud nine at the moment, we have waited so long for this day to come.... We have now got the dreaded wait to be match, hopefully we won't have a long wait.

Take care all, I have to go to bed I didn't sleep muschh last night.

Love

Crazybabe


----------



## curvycat

congrats crazybabe really really happy for you both


----------



## crusoe

Hey Crazybabe

That is fantastic news! Huge Congratulations to you.                    Being approved is a great day isn't it!
Here's hoping that you don't have to wait too long to be matched     

Chocolate button - glad your first visit went well. An important first step is out of the way.

Moppit - I'm sure your visit will be fine too     keep us posted!

Love to all virgins
Crusoe
xxx


----------



## Moppit

Morning Virgins!

Crazybabe - just logged on and saw your fantastic news! So pleased for you, now nothing standing in the way of you becoming a Mummy. As soon as you are matched your dreams will finally be true! Congratulations. Keep on that Cloud 9!

Chocolate Button - Thanks for agreeing to give us some insighs into your interview, really glad it was relaxed. Hope ours is too. Difficult not to get worried but excited as well that we are finally starting...

Crusoe - What news from you? Have you met your child yet? What was it like? 

Moppit x


----------



## crusoe

Hi
No Moppit, we don't get to meet until 10 days after matching panel. We have seen lots of photos though and a DVD of him and I am very excited about meeting in the flesh! He looks gorgeous! We are all prepared with our book and DVD of us and our house now and have bought lots of the stuff we are going to need.
I was the skinniest mummy-to-be in Mothercare the other day which gave me a perverse feeling of pleasure!

Love Crusoe
xx


----------



## curvycat

YAY!!!!!! We have our initial screening meeting booked!!!!!!       

I am so happy! 

And I didnt even have to chase them up!  

Nerves will knock in soon I am sure but right now I am enjoying the moment 

 please let them like us


----------



## mavis

Kisrtyn,

Yey! COOL man! How pleased r u?  
http://winkkk.com/pimp_glitter_8429.html

WELL DONE babe, you are getting there.

When's it booked in for?

Hope ur ok, hopefully catch u on msn later,

mave x


----------



## mavis

Hi ya CB,

BRILL, glad to hear it went well, cant wait to hear your news.

lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Hi Crusoe,

Such Excting times for you - HOW BRILLIANT.  

I bet you cant wait.

Wishing you all loads of love,

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Dear Popsi & CG.


http://winkkk.com/pimp_glitter_1113.html

Wishing you loads of luck for Thursday, thinking of you both, Popsi for HS and CG for Visit - YEy - come on.

Hope oyu are both ok.

Lots anf lots of love, mavis x


----------



## curvycat

We have the appointment booked for Monday at 2pm!!! 

Have told Mr K to book the day off so that he can help me clean manically!! 

Going out drinking with the girls on Saturday for the first time in about 6 months so expecting a major hangover on Sunday! 

This will be our year I can feel it


----------



## mavis

Hi Kirstyn,

That's BRILLANT - Hooray.  

Not so bad after all eh!  

GOOD LUCK babe, you must be so pleased.

Can you come and do mine please too!

That should be a cheap night out for you - lighweight    - you enjoy it though, been a while for you after all.

Love you lots,

mavis x


----------



## curvycat

I can send Mr K and u can come out drinking with me! 

That seems more of a plan


----------



## MissSunshine

Hey ladies,

Can I join you all please?  
My husband and I have had our initial home visit, and will hopefully be going on our prep course at the beginning on March!! After a very long rollercoaster ride, I'm finally starting to see light at the end of the tunnel........ 

I look forward to getting to know you all over the coming months.

Rhonda.XxXxXxX


----------



## curvycat

Welcome Rhonda.

You are in the best place


----------



## sara1

Hi Girls,

I posted on here ages ago but I'm afraid I have become a bit of a lurker.

I'm so glad to see that everyone is progressing on their adoption journey.

Crazybabe - I hope you don't have too long of a wait to be matched

Kirstyn - I hope your visit goes well.  I cleaned the house from top to bottom and the SW was only in the lounge and at the loo!!!

Popsi and CG - hope things go well for you both

Hi to everyone else.

Tomorrow is the last day of our preparation course and then hopefully onto the HS quite quickly.  I never asked what the waiting lists are like but couples from other areas at our course are telling us of really long waits for the HS.  I just hope and pray that isn't the case for us as I want to be a mum asap.

Will try and post more often 
Talk Soon,
Sara


----------



## mavis

Hi ya Kirstyn, Great idea   - tell him not to forget his pinny!!!!  

Hi Rhonda It's good to have some new faces on here - we all help eachother through.  You are very welcome.  Hope you are ok?  

Hi Sara, WB   , How have u found the prep groups?  I think the SW's should be able to give you an idea how long the wait might be after! good luck with your last day.

Love to you all,

mavis x


----------



## HFI

Hi girls

Well I'm back from Cuba and pleased to see lots has been happening whilst I've been away.  I have tried to catch up on all your news but I'll apologise now if I miss anyone  

Crazybabe - Many Congratulations to you both, I bet you're still on cloud 9.  Fingers crossed you're matched really soon  

Camly - Many Congratulations to you too.  Have you had any more contact with your SW since panel?  I'm not really sure what happens once panel takes place.  I hope you're matched really soon too  

Mavis - Welcome to the thread, I don't think we've "met" yet    I'm really pleased to hear you like your SW, it's so important isn't it and I hope your diet is going well.  How difficult is it to lose weight, I've just got back from an all inclusive holiday so it's salads for me too    You mentioned work was slow at the moment, do you mind me asking what you do?

Popsi - Good luck with HS tomorrow, it's so exciting to be a step closer isn't it.  You mentioned you had a golden retriever, how lovely is it having a dog around during tx and the adoption rollercoaster.  I have a labrador and he is the best  

CG - Good luck with your visit tomorrow as well, I'm sure you'll be great.

Crusoe - Still thinking of you and wishing you lots of luck over the coming weeks.  Have fun and enjoy, I'm sure you will  

Kirstyn - The Michelin Star restaurant sounds lovely - just what the doctor ordered!  Fantastic news you've finally got your screening meeting.  All the best for Monday.

Lou - Sorry to hear about your boss, she does sound like an old hag!  But great news you've got more money.  Have you spent it yet!  Pleased to hear you've had your SW allocated  

Chocolate Button - Really pleased to hear your initial visit went well.  Good luck with your computer  

Moppitt - It sounds like you had great fun with the under 5's!  All the best for Monday.

Rhonda - Welcome to the thread - we are all here to support you on your journey.  Good luck.

Sara - I hope you enjoy the last day on your prep course and fingers crossed HS starts really soon for you.

Wow, I think that's everyone!  This thread is the busiest I've ever seen it - it's all good  

Well I've arrived back from holiday and my F Form is complete and ready for me to proof read.  DH and I have gone through it and it sounds good, our SW sounds like she really knows us well.  She is coming tomorrow to go through it with us and then that's really it for us.  Just need to wait now for panel on 3rd March  

I hope everyone is well.  Have a good week.

Love H x


----------



## warbabe

Hi,

Another newbie here, hoping to join you. I feel that I can now officially join the thread since I've made my first contact with the LA's and spoke to a SW today. However I'm concerned that it might be shortlived since when I told her my last TX was November she said they like longer than that. She will speak with her supervisor and get back to me. If they are OK, they will then send an info pack and application form, once returned then I'd get invited to an open evening, then 3 day prep workshops and then home study. I've tried another LA, but having trouble speaking to someone there.
I hope it's not over before its begun.

Looking forward to getting to know you all.
Thanks,

Warbabe


----------



## Moppit

Welcome Warbabe!

Don't get despondent. I had to ring round multiple LAs before I found one that would even consider inviting us to an information evening. In the end I managed to find one, went to the information session in December and have our initial interview on Monday. It can take perseverence.

In terms of the tx stuff, unfortunately most LAs do like you to have at least 6 months before starting the adoption process. This is really frustrating and in many ways feels wrong when adoption takes so long but they do have good reasons for doing it which are that they feel you need to grieve after giving up on IVF and need to get through this before you can focus on adoption.

To try and persuade them otherwise perhaps you could try and convince them that you have thought things through, had already started thinking about adoption before your last tx, have done reading etc. You could also see if they will let you attend the information evening even if you can't start the process properly so you feel things are at least moving in the right direction. My DH and I had counselling after giving up on IVF which was really helpful and I think should help in talking about it with the Social Workers. You could also consider this.

I'm not necessarily recommending you do this but I do also know that many ladies tell a white lie about when they finished IVF. You obviously have already been honest with the LA you spoke to but could find another LA and say something different. I'm definately not advocating lying as I do think they put the time period in for a reason but at the same time I know myself how frustrating I thought it was to have to wait to even start this very long process.

Moppit x


----------



## mavis

Hi HFI, Nice to meet you   - did you have a good time away? - Diet wise the effort is there somehoe I think its clinging on - I ahve onyl lost 1lb so far will be weeks this Fri and we have a Fish n Chip night tomorrow - so we'll see, defo feel better for upping the exercise though.  Hopefully when we get some nicer weather that'll help! - We have a timber yard in Kent suppying public and trade our biggest customers are in the construction industry and we all know not a lot is going on there at the mo - these are very worrying times for all of us : (

Glad to hear your Form F is ready, I wonder how many times you will read it through?!   , hope it goes ok when u meet up tomorrow.  Can I ask how long your home study took?  Thank you, mavis x  

Hello Warbabe, Welcome   I hope that you hear back from SW soon, fingers crossed for you.  I agree with Moppit it would be great if you could get to info day/eve that wont do any harm.  Best of luck sweet - keep us posted, lots of love, mavis x  

Take care and speak soon,

lots of love mavis x


----------



## warbabe

Thanks Moppit/Mavis for your comments. 

I was expecting this response from all the 'research' done on FF. I did tell them we had known Adoption was our next step since last March and had done lots of reading about it (again FF!) and that we both felt ready. When I said this she didn't say it was a straight 'No' and hence reason why she would speak to her supervisor. 

She phoned back this afternoon, but was in my Annual Review, and when I returned her call she had left for the day. So will have to wait till tomorrow now to see what they say. 

At least I'm more prepared when I get through to the other LA's.  

I'll let you know tomorrow what they say!
Warbabe


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi girls - just a quick post as busy tidying up for tomorrow's visit! Been AWOL for a few days as we've been decorating the spare room every spare minute we've had...sound familiar anyone ? 

I haven't had time to catch up on all your news but will do so tomorrow... but I did spot Crazybabe's wonderful news and wanted to say a massive congratulations hun   So very pleased for you. May your next wait be a short one  

CG xxxxx


----------



## mavis

Hi WB,

Hope u hear back form them today - everything is crossed for you     Keep us posted,

Hi CG,

Hope it goes well for you today.   Hope to hear soon.

lots of love to you both,

mavis xx


----------



## warbabe

ARGH...............
I phoned the LA back and the person I spoke to yesterday only works Monday and Tuesday. (I don't know how I spoke to her yesterday?) I asked to speak to her supervisor who she would have referred to, and she isn't around either but they said they would leave a message for her to ring me back.
No call as yet, and don't believe I'll get one. 
I phoned another LA and someone finally answered the phone, but the person I needed to speak to was also unavailable. 
Presume this is the start of things to come! It's so difficult, since can't phone from my desk at work since not private. So keep sneaking off when not in meetings trying to phone people.

Warbabe


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Warbabe

I was mega lazy and emailed loads of LA/VAs for into packs and then my LA emailed back to arrange a time to speak to me- this may be easier

xxx


----------



## lou73

Hi all, 

congratulations Crazy babe! Great news, fingers crossed you won't have to wait too much longer now!   Brilliant!!

Just had a quick read through and hope everything is going great for all of you. Good luck with everything. 

Cotswold Girl - made me chuckle that you have been painting - I am debating doing some decorating too at weekend while DH is at the match!!


----------



## mavis

Hi WB,

Sorry bout this, its such a nuisance isnt it, seems so unfair.  

It wont always be like this but can be at times, kind of in my experince have to push yourself to the front sometimes.

I would ring the supervisor back and say I have called a few times please is it possible to have a quick chat with her.

Keep ur chin up babe keep up the good work,

lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi everyone,

Well our initial interview went really well today - what was I worried about    Because of the decorating we didn't have time to get nervous until this morning - nerves kicked in big time then! The SW was lovely though but it sounds like we won't necessarily get her for Home Study. Thankfully she said she will be recommending that we're put forward for a prep course and that we have lots to offer   So glad she told us that before she went! She also looked asked to look around the house - our decorating obviously paid off   Not sure how long we'll have to wait for the prep course but at least we're over the first hurdle.

Lou - sounds like your manager is a right one. Just give her a wide berth til you go onto a new job. That or stay on just to annoy her   Afterall how annoying will it be for her to have you on adoption leave and have to arrange cover!

Moppit - 3 under 5s you must still be recovering   Please don't worry about you initial interview you'll be fine. They'll want to know why you want to adopt, what sort of childcare experience you have and to find out a bit about you - nothing too difficult or intrusive.  

Kirstyn - glad you treated yourself to a good meal out - sounds a wonderful distraction! Monday for your screening meeting too - fab!! You're well on the way hun - they certainly were the right choice by the look of things.  

Crusoe - love the thought of you being the slimmest mummy-to-be in Mothercare - what a great way to look at it   You must be counting the hours now til you meet him - I hope it flies by. 

Rhonda - hi hun. Look forward to chatting on here. Your prep course will be here before you know it.

Sara - I hope you don't have to wait too long for your HS, I think all the LAs are really busy and short staffed.

HFI - hope you had a fab holiday. Great news about you Form F and not too long to wait to panel now,although I bet it will feel like an eternity!

WarBabe - Persistence pays so don't give up   Our LA didn't phone back either - we had to email in the end to get a response. We've since found out that they are short staffed and really busy, so bear with them. Also although it's annoying to wait 6 months after finishing tx I think it does help you to get your emotional strength back.

Mavis - thanks for your PM hun - hope you're well.

CG xxxxxxx


----------



## Chocolate Button

posting with wii remote and it aint easy!!! Computor still on blink. wasted to say Hi and I will be back asap. Reading your posts is fine, but posting takes forever. I am keeping up to day. Will post personals asap. 
Love to all. xxxx


----------



## warbabe

Hi,

Just a quick update. I managed to get through to LA No2, and the person I spoke to was really nice. I told her that we had had TX but she didn't ask how long since. She said the next step is that they send the info pack out and then we are to phone to arrange a visit from a SW. They only have 2 prep courses a year which will probably be March and September this year. 

So I'm now waiting for the info pack so I can phone back. I did say to her at the end of the call...' that I know this is may be a bit too keen, but is the March prep course already booked up?' I was trying to gage wether it would already be a wait till September for that stage. She said she couldn't say at this stage, but did give the impression that it was already full. I'm getting a bit too excited now in that there may be a chance I could be on a course in March, and that things are happening. I can't believe I'm like this after just a phone call.

I'm sorry no personals yet, since I need to read through more pages and work out where everyone is up to. I will do soon, promise.

Warbabe


----------



## mavis

Hi CG,

Great News - Yey -     , so glad its all coming along for you.

Brill the SW was nice and that she was positive about it all.  Glad she had a look around house to see all of your work! makes it worthwhile too.  

I hope you hear back really soon for preps : )

Hi WB,

Well done on getting through to them! pheweeee

Lets hope u get the pack and can get ur visit soon, that will be great to get ur feet onto the ladder.  Sooo exciting isnt it    

--------------

Wishing you both lots and lots of love and luck,

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Hi CB,

Good luck with pc!

Cant wait to hear back from you.  

mavis x


----------



## sara1

Hi Girls,

I was just wondering if some of you could answer a few questions for me please.  I know everyone's answers will be different as we are from different parts of UK but I just would like to know best and worst case scenarios.

1.  How long did it take to complete Medicals and Police Checks?

2.  How long did it take for you all to get started HS from your initial enquiry?

I rang my LA today and the SW said that only her superior knew how long the waiting lists were and she wasn't in the office to talk to!!!   .  Also the SW that came out to us for first interview says she won't be our SW as she is going off in six weeks on maternity leave. .  She was so nice that we really wanted her as our SW.

I just hope we aren't in for a LONG wait to HS.

Talk Soon,
Sara


----------



## mavis

Hi Sara,

How did your last day of prep group go? bet you are relieved it is over! have you sent in or given confirmation that you wish to continue yet?

With regard to you questions I guess I am a worst case or one of the worst case scenarios - so please dont let my answers get you down - as I dont think we are 'the norm'.

Our Crb's in Kent take 6-10 weeks, Medical we had early ones so at the start of all of it took a couple of weeks to come through, it was matter of us co-ordinating with gp and surgery we got them back to SS within 6 weeks. So I dont think they take long but it is always worth keeping your finger in. Both of these are normally done though overhere in Kent alongside HS, so you wouldnt be adding any time on.

We lost 4 months as we started on the concurrency route and switched to adoption after prep groups. So if I were to exclude that it has taken us about 12 months from start to finish.

Don't let this put you off as there are ladies on here that seem to be flying through it.

There is a post on the main board with reference to times that may also help, heres the link http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=173777.0

Hope this is all helps a bit, but it really varies, it would be good if you could hear back from someone else in your LA for their experiences etc. Have you posted on adoption uk websites message boards that may be helpful too.

I think it is quite usual that the SW that comes out to visit you initially arent the ones that stay with you. (but I maybe wrong in some cases or altogether!)

I am surprised that they did not give you an indication at the end of or in the groups.

Hope you hear soon and will be good to hear back how you found the groups etc.

Take care and keep ur chin up, each day that passes is a day nearer to your goal.

Lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## sara1

Hi Mavis,

Thanks for all the info.  We are relieved that Preparation Course is done yet we really enjoyed it and made some good friends.  I have just written my letter today to say that we want to proceed with adoption so they will probably get it on Monday.  I think I will wait a week and then ring LA to see if they have received it and then ask more questions about the about waiting lists - hopefully the supervisor will be there.  We started the journey in August 2008 so everything seems to have went really quickly for us so far.  I think thats why I am starting to worry that we will have to wait a long time to begin HS (cup always half empty with me).
We are adopting from Thailand so that's why I am so impatient as we will be in for a 2 year wait after our papers go to Thailand.  I can't wait to be a Mummy.

Talk Soon,
Sara


----------



## lou73

Hi glad things seem to be moving on a bit for people. How exciting, another step along the road to being parents!! 

Not heard back from SW yet - still waiting to be allocated one for home study. I feel OK about that though, trying to deal with work stuff has taken it out of me, so want to take it easy for a bit. 
Sent off my application for one job today, so just have to wait now - fingers crossed!

Sara - our CRB check came back quite quickly but not sure if that's cos we had both had one done recently for our jobs. I did panic though cos DH's came through in about 2 weeks and mine didn't appear! 6 weeks later I was still waiting and getting panicky but thought that they just take a long time anyway! It had actually arrived a few days after DH's but as we went on hols, we mustn't have noticed it had arrived until I did a clear out of the paper basket!!  

Just one question everyone - are SW like the Queen? Wherever they are invited to visit must always be immaculately clean and smell of paint!! Just wondered cos I want to paint our bedroom and the lounge!


----------



## curvycat

Ok did the SW shopping today   buiscuits and even a Vax so that I can get carpets cleaned ready for Monday!

Hope they dry in time or she may think I have wet carpets! 

Maybe I should buy her a pair of slippers that she can use! 

The queen she will be my God and I will break the 10 commandments and worship a false idol if it means she likes us! 



Hope all are having a good weekend


----------



## lou73

Good luck for Monday Kirstyn, hope it goes well - I'm sure it will! Love the Vax idea!! I Could borrow my mum and dads to do upstairs! 

I am meant to be doing the housework while DH is at the match - but keep getting distracted!! Doing school work and keep 'playing' on computer! Terrible!! I have done some ironing and washing, need some motivation!!

Our house is on a new estate and tomorrow they are selling all the furniture from the 3 show homes. Of course I have to just have a little look!  I really like the table they have in the kitchen of one of them and the dining room furniture - only thing is the one in the kitchen is glass! EEK!! Would we get pulled up on our health and safety check?  I wonder if pregnant women ponder such meaningless nonsense?

I will try not to spend too much!!  

Just a thought to leave you with - my friend left it on ********.

"Falling down is not admitting defeat - defeat is when you refuse to get back on your feet again" 

Back to house work!


----------



## Moppit

Hello Lovely Ladies

Kirstyn - I also have my initial interview on Monday so we are in the same boat. Have also been cleaning and tidying the house although concious I don't want it to look too tidy incase they think I wouldnt be able to cope with the mess of children! Our meeting is at 12.30pm so wondering whether I should offer them lunch or not and if so what. I know its a silly thing to get worried about but can't help feeling that everything is going to be judged including my sandwich making skills! Do you think I should have a plate of sandwiches ready and offer them automatically or ask them if they want something and then make it....

Any advice gratefully accepted - imagine how awful it would be if I gave them food poisoning.

Last question, since they rang to set up the initial interview several weeks ago I havent had confirmation by phone or letter and now paranoid that they might not be coming. Had meant to call on Friday to confirm but didnt have a chance at work. Have most of you received confirmation letters once the interview is set up or have you just had a telephone conversation. My DH will kill me if it doesnt end up happening on Monday as he's taken a day off.

Moppit x


----------



## MissSunshine

Hey gorgeous mummy's in waiting, 

Can I ask a quick question??

When we adopt I know we are entitled to adoption leave pay, but are we entitled to pay when going on the prep course's and having other appt's with the LA?

I work for the same London Borough that we are going through. I work in education, and my head can sometime be a bit of an a**e. I will be calling HR myself, but wondered if anyone could shed some light.

Thanks, Rhonda.XxX


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

rhonda said:


> Hey gorgeous mummy's in waiting,
> 
> Can I ask a quick question??
> 
> When we adopt I know we are entitled to adoption leave pay, but are we entitled to pay when going on the prep course's and having other appt's with the LA?
> 
> I work for the same London Borough that we are going through. I work in education, and my head can sometime be a bit of an a**e. I will be calling HR myself, but wondered if anyone could shed some light.
> 
> Thanks, Rhonda.XxX


Hi Rhonda- this was asked a few weeks back and here is a thread with some views about pay http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=173372.0

Ladies who are waiting 1st meeting with SWers- honestly dont worry, i did a mad clean too however they saw our longue and toilet only so the cleaning was worth it for us however they didnt look!- we made them tea/coffee and biccies (which they both ate) - i know its scarey however just be your self xxx

Hi to everyone

xxx


----------



## curvycat

Moppit I just brought a selection of biccys. 

I know what u mean about not being too clean. My DH really didnt want me to buy the Vax as we havent really got the room to store it without it making a room look cluttered but I ignored him! When we were discussing him cleaning the living room and hall way carpet he said "but the carpet will still be wet when the sw comes round!" I said "never mind we will tell them we clean the carpets once every 3 months" he relplied "but then they will think we are too tidy and wont cope with a child in the house!"

I agree with MJ we should just relax and be outselves but for me it is impossible!!! 

I obsess how they could take every single comment I could possibly make and if the place will be too clean, too messy, I will be too smart, too casual, will I talk too much, not be open enough, will they think there are too many family photo's, not enough of DH family, will the cats toys show we are good fur parents, that the cats toys may look unhygenic, ext ext ext 

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 

Ok got that out of my system for now


----------



## lou73

Rhonda - I work for an education authority too and rang them direct to get them to send me the adoption policy. Initially they did say that I had the same rights as maternity leave, but they got that wrong. 

When I checked the adoption policy it said that we are allowed as much time off as we need for adoption prep and visits etc. They treat it the same as ante-natal visits. Strange really cos we wouldn't be allowed any time off with pay if we had IVF!! Best to check the policy with your authority. 

Good luck.


----------



## mavis

Hey Kirstyn and Moppit,

Just wanted to say:



for tomorrow, lots and lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Kirstyn,

I hope there will be some carpet left!!!!  

xx


----------



## mavis

Hi Moppit,

I would say just be yourselves, try and relax and enjoy it as much as you can! (easier said then done I know)

They will just want to meet you it is very informal, tell you about the process, you can ask them any questions, they will prob ask why you are adopting what you are hoping for etc.

I wish you loads of luck,

Keep us posted.

mavis x


----------



## lou73

I agree Mavis, be yourself. They are generally OK. Felt really relaxed and at ease with our SW. Yes we went mad on the cleaning, but she didn't look round! They will when we start our HS I'm sure. 

Good luck for tomorrow Kirstyn and Moppit! Hope everything goes great and don't be up worrying tonight!!  

We have just bought ourselves a new kitchen table and chairs from the show home on our estate! We just had a table and 2 stools before in the kitchen. I am currently cleaning the kitchen now top to bottom!!!!


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi,

Moppit - I'd make some sandwiches ahead of time and have them on standby as even if she doesn't want any you'llprobably be starving when she leaves! If you're making salmon & cucumber sarnies remember to cut the crusts off   I hope it goes well tomorrow - I'm sure this time tomorrow you'll be wondering why you were so worried.    

Kirstyn - you made me smile about the carpets and all the thoughts/judgements that could be going through the SW's minds! I thought we were bad with decorating the spare room.  When ours said at the end did we mind her looking around the house I sort of blurted out that I was glad she'd said that as we'd tidied up and decorated the spare room so now she's probably wondering what we really live like   I hope those carpets are drying nicely    

Rhonda - sorry I can't answer your question about adoption pay, I think it varies a lot so worth checking with your HR dept.

Lou - sorry you're still have problems with your boss. I know it's easier said than done but try not to let her bug you.   Sounds like you enjoyed yourself at that sale then and you've got the added benefit of not having to take time off for it to be delivered!

Mavis - how are you doing?

Hope the snow doesn't cause you all too many problems. Just hoping if it hits it hits us before morning and it's deep enough so I don't have to make the decision on whether to go to work or not! 

CG xxxxx


----------



## Jinglebell

Hi all, 

Have posted once before some weeks ago.  Following everyone's stories with much interest and best wishes.  Sister is adopting and I like to know as much as I can about the process without constantly grilling her!  People's comments on here have been enlightening and touching.  Would like to be an 'honourary member' of the board if I may!

Spoke to my sister yesterday whose SW said the HS would be finished by 11th March!  Not long until they come to see me I guess!

SW also told my sister and BiL to start decorating the spare bedroom and putting together an introduction book!  Am SO SO excited!  Surely this must mean SW thinks there's a good chance of getting through panel?

Sister wasn't sure how to decorate bedroom and was very excited when I suggested a light yellow with giraffes.  This is always how I imagined we would prepare for the arrival of our children.  I already have a niece but am not very close to my other sister.  Now I really feel like I will be a proper auntie soon and am imagining looking after the little one(s) in the school holidays (I'm a teacher).  Got so carried away, I went and got a soft toy elephant today and ordered a couple of children's books recommended on the adoption board.

I realise that there may be some time before matching, and one can't assume that they will even get approval at panel, but can't help it as they've been waiting almost a decade for this.  Do you think this is okay?  Don't want to rush in and say, 'Here are books and toys' because I don't want to jinx things and understand that my sister and BiL will enjoy buying these things too, but just wanted to show them how happy I am for them and how incredibly excited.  Should I tell her I've bought them or keep them for a later date?

J x


----------



## mavis

Hi CG,

Thank you for aksing I am pretty tired at the mo, blame it on the diet and exercise! otherwise fine, am a bit on edge about my appt with SW Tues but overall am looking forward to it.  Bit on edge because of the content, howvere I am sure once its done it will be fine.

We just have an inch of snow where I am in Kent, have had snow an dhail today! - I have been out gritting!.  

How about you? how are you have you had a good weekend?

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Hi Jinglebell,

I wish I had a sister like you, so kind, thoughtful and interested.  Lovely. 

I would say let her know that you have bought them and say why, as although I am sure that she is nervous/anxious is some ways she will be really pleased that you are there and excited for her/them.  Or you could say I am so, so pleased for you and wait until she starts buying things then tell her, I am not sure it is your call as you know her and how you think she is going to react etc, but defo let her know how you feel - sooooo exciting    I would like to add also although none of us can ever assume, the fact your sister has got as far as she has and what her SW has said I would be so confident.  

Can I ask when your sister started HS as this is interestign for me?

How lovely buying those things, I bet you really enjoyed it and I am sure you can go out with your sister sometime too and but a few bist and have a coffee together.  These are brilliant times for you all, and how lovely you are so close.

Take care and lots of love,

mavis x  

ps. pleased for you to be on this thread too x - and good luck with your own process xx


----------



## warbabe

Hi All,

I've been busy trying to read through all the pages on this thread since joining last week, and I must admit I got a bit lost. I have ended up making a chart of everyone to work out which stage you are all at. I finally think I'm there  .

Tomorrow sounds like a busy day for people on here. Lots of Luck to Kirstyn and Moppit for your visits tomorrow, it must be so exciting and nervous to reach a milestone. I can't wait to here about it, since I hope I get there soon!

Cotswold Girl - What's next for you, are you just waiting to hear when the prep course is now?

Sara1 and Lou73 - Are you both at the same stage, waiting for a SW to be allocated? Lou73, how long have you been waiting? I was told by my LA that they allocate one within 2 weeks. Hope you both get word soon.

I was gutted this Saturday when the info pack didn't arrive in the post. When I spoke to the SW on Thursday she said she would put it in the post Thurs or Friday, so I was hoping that it would arrive on Saturday. I then had plans, that we would read it over the weekend and be able to phone back Monday to arrange a visit. I need to start to get use to these delays, it's one big waiting game. 

Just a questions, when you arrange for the first visit how long do you wait for this. I'm thinking in my head it will be only 1/2 weeks, but wonder if I'm kidding myself.

Hope the snow doesn't ruin anyone's plans for tomorrow.

Warbabe xx


----------



## sara1

Hi Girls,

It's     although it isn't snowing here yet and I hope it doesn't as I hate driving in the snow!!!

Warbabe - We have just sent our letter to say that we want to proceed but when I asked about waiting lists on Friday the SW said she knew nothing about them and I would have to speak to her supervisor! .  I'm sure your pack will come tomorrow.

Kirstyn and Moppit - I hope tomorrow goes well.  Try not to get too worked up as it is fine really.

Jinglebell - I think what you have done is lovely.  I wish I had a sister to support me the way you are doing.

Mavis - I hope Tuesday goes well with SW visit.

I have had a bad weekend - full of worries and doubts about the whole thing.  I think what is wrong is I read through Form F and started to panic about answering some of the questions and what SW would think of us.  What sort of employment check do they do as I have quite a big history as I have changed job quite a lot.  I have always left of my own accord plus I had a period of sickness.  I just don't want them to think that I can't stick with anything!!!  Please help if you have any words of advice. I have been really emotional and teary today.

Hi to everyone else
Sara


----------



## curvycat

Stressing this morning!!! What if she cancels due to the snow??!! I know that it doesnt really matter as it will just be rearanged but I have worked myself up to it being done today!!! 

Sorry for very selfish message!! 

Just feeling overwelmed!


----------



## Misty C

Hi Kirstyn

Do you have SW mobile?  Give him/her/the office a call around 9 - just to check everything is OK and visit still on as you are concerned about the snow.  I am sure it will be fine, maybe have the kettle on for a hot drink as soon as s/he arrives.  Good luck today!!!

Misty C
xxxx


----------



## Moppit

Kirstyn I know exactly how you feel. I was gutted when I looked out this moring and saw how snowy it was. Just heard from the Social Worker to cancel (pretty much resigned myself to this anyway when I saw how much there is in SW London). She has rearranged for 11th of February so not too long to wait but was all worked up and ready for today and DH and I spent hours last night preparing. Also means another weekend of cleaning!!! Also now feel that it will be highly unlikely that we will get on the next prep course which is in 2 weeks time. This may have been unlikely anyway but just feels like another stumbling block.

Meanwhile the rest of the world are very happy its snowing! Just looked out to see all the local children playing in the snow... wish I had a little one to take outside....

Moppit x


----------



## curvycat

big hug to you Moppit  

DH doesnt want me to call as he says they will call us! 

I just cant stop crying!   A massive over reation as I know it will just be rearanged but I cant help it! 

Silly soul

So glad I can come on here and vent all my friends think I am being daft and think it is no big deal. DH is stressed that if she does come I will have worked myself up so much I will be a cray woman during the interview!   

I dont know why I am so upset, but I am!


----------



## Moppit

Kirstyn I completely understand. Feel very tearful and flat myself today, had so hoped that today was finally taking that first little step to becoming parents and even though its just delayed feels horrible. The fact that you havent heard from yours is a good sign though. Mine called early this morning to rearrange becasue she couldnt get in to work. The snow is very bad around us (London) so no surprise but not sure where you are located, if it isnt too bad they may still come.

Keep us updated and try to stay positive. Its a delay not a cancellation - thats what I keep tellig myself!

MOppit x


----------



## Misty C

Awww girls so sorry for the delays.  Wish I  could do something to help, sending you both a big  

Misty C
x


----------



## mavis

Hi Moppit,

I am really sorry to hear your news, glad that you have another appt booked in ready - wihtout wishing time away hopefully it will come quickly.  Maybe treat yourself to something nice to cheer you up a little.  So you are a little over a week away now.

I believe Kirstyn may still be ok with her appt - lets wait and see I really hope so.

Keep your chin up, I agree it is horrible the disappointment when you have got yourselves all ready etc, and then just knowing where you stand and what is next etc.

Mine has just been cancelled for tomorrow, so I am an unhappy bunny too - found the message on my answerphone will call her back in a minute.

Lots of love and hugs,

mavis xx


----------



## Jinglebell

Oh no Mavis!  Cancelled because of the snow?

I'm reliably informed the dustmen are out and about in Kent - maybe she could ride with them?!  

Hope you get a new appointment quickly.  The same goes to everyone else whose plans have taken a hit because of the weather.  What are the chances?  Never mind, next time it snows like this, I hope everyone can be out building snowmen with their children for the first time.

J x


----------



## mavis

Hi Jinglebell, 

Thank you.

Yes because of the snow! just popped off for some lunch as just got in from nursery.

I am not feeling very humourous to say the least! I'll be ok in a bit, just need some time to let off steam!!!!  

I hope so too re, new appt - they have all gone home now! so will have to wait to hear!!

Thank you for your PM, will reply to that now.

lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Big big     for Mavis and Moppit. So sorry you've had visits delayed due to the snow. 

Kirstyn - big   for you too hun - I hope your SW did make it today and if not you don't have too long a delay. 

Warbabe - anything in the post? I hope the info pack has arrived. There's nothing like waiting for a call or info to arrive. when you're desperate to start 

Misty - gosh from your ticker it looks like you've had a lenghty wait. What stage are you at?

CG xxxx


----------



## Moppit

Feeling alot better after a play in the snow and some cheeky lunch with friends. Supposed to be working but hey it doesnt snow every day and I needed cheering up!

Mavis so sorry to hear your appointmnet has also been cancelled. Feel for you and hope there isnt too much of a delay before it happens again.

Kirstyn - Really hope that the reason you havent posted again is because your SW turned up. Let us know how it went if this is the case.

Mx


----------



## Misty C

Moppit - glad you enjoyed the snow!

CG - Yes one hell of wait, we were just about to go to matching panel on the 26 Jan when a small glitch happened.  Trying to remain positive and hope it doesn't keep us back too much.  We will get there!

Misty C
x


----------



## mavis

Thanks CG and Moppit,

Feel better now have had a bit of a RELAX aaaaaaah.

How are you doing CG?

How are you Sara?  I am sorry I did not reply sooner.  I am not sure on the sort of employment checks.  I would not worry too much about small temporary type jobs you could just add that period together.  I nwould focus on your favourite and logest kept jobs and if you are worried about it talk to your SW, can you porve that you have stuck to things even if they are not employment, like education or once a week doing something.  I hope this helps a bit.

WB, you ok? Hope the postman comes soon. x

A big hello to everyone else too.

love as always,

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Misty C Hi,

Good luck - hope ur panel comes round again quickly    

Lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## warbabe

Hi

Just got home from work and logged on to see how you've all got on. I can't believe how long we all wait to get to these stages, and then the odds of it snowing to mean they then get cancelled ...what luck    I'm mad for you all. At least Moppit you have got a rearranged date, lets hope it's not snowing then!!

Have we not heard from Kirstyn, I presume then that her SW didn't cancel??

Well for me there was nothing in the post again today. I'm now thinking if it was 2nd class it will be tomorrow. Here's hoping hey!
Warbabe


----------



## sara1

Hi Mavis - thanks for the words of reassurance.  I am a leader of a youth organisation (voluntary) and have been for over 10 years now so hope that will go down well with SW.  So sorry to hear of your delay.  I hope you get a new date soon and you don't have to wait too long.

Warbabe - I hope your info pack comes tomorrow.  How come when you are waiting for something it never comes but if it's a bill then there it will be on your doorstep. 

Kirstyn - I hope the SW made it to your house and everything went well.

Moppit - sorry to hear of your delay because of the snow.   .  Hopefully it will clear and the SW will make it to yours soon.  It's must have been awful to be delayed as if you were like me I was a nervous wreck by the time our SW made it to our house.

Hi to everyone else. 

We got an email from our preparation course facilitator today to give us details of a couple who have adopted from Thailand so that we can meet up and get some support from them.  I can't wait to get in touch with them.  This news lifted my spirits today.

Sara


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi Mavis - I'm fine thanks, lit myself a nice log fire so feeling warm and cosy! DH away on business at the moment so diet has gone for a bit of a burton  - must get back on the healthy diet wagon by time he gets home on Saturday - if I don't I'm going to blame the need to eat on the weather afterall the skinnier you are the more you feel the cold 

Moppit - glad a play in the snow and lunch with friends cheered you up. Now you can sit back and enjoy your tidy and gleaming house   At least when your SW does come they'll feel they owe you for cancelling  

Sara - great news on getting some contact details for someone whose already adopted from Thailand. They're obviously thinking of you to have sent you these details. Getting in touch with this couple will help you feel like you're doing something towards your dream and I'm sure they'll be full of tips and advice. Good luck in making contact. I met someone at the weekend who'd adopted through our LA and it really helped. 

Misty - I hope you don't have too long a wait for matching panel.    

CG xxxx


----------



## curvycat

Hi girls! What a day! Spent the morning crying and will spend the evening celebrating! 

She braved the weather and 4 and a half hours later ..................................

SHE LOVED US!!!!

We have 2 slight issues. I may need an early medical because of previous depression and she has to refer to the big boss due to my speeding tickets but she felt there should not be a problem and went as far as to recommend that if we did meet a problem we would be very entitled to complain! 

She felt we are excellent prospects, was very impressed with all the research we have done, said that although I do most of the talking   that DH was also well informed and obviously very involved! 

"I recommend adoption for Dads to get DH to read!"

I want to say a special thanks to all of you who have helped advice me. 

A special thanks to Mavis for recommending I check out local schools and amenity's as that went down amazingly well.

To MJ, you know what for!

And all those who gave advice on transracial adoption.

We have 3 weeks to wait to get the formal invitation to prep course and it will most likely be in May. 

I am sure I will be panicking very soon and waiting for the post but right now I am very positive!


----------



## warbabe

Awh Kirstyn that's great news.   

I've been constantly checking all night for some news from you. I was getting worried wondering if the SW turned up or not. You must be over the moon.

I can't wait to get to were you are now.

Warbabe x


----------



## curvycat

Thank u darlin you will soon  

It can never come soon enough though I know so I send some  for you.

x


----------



## Moppit

Kirstyn - Great news that your SW did turn up and that it went so well. Fingers crossed mine is as positive next week!

Moppit x


----------



## curvycat

I'm sure it will hun. 

If you want details pm me and I will tell you what she went through


----------



## mavis

Hi Kirstyn,

That is great news! Yey, Well done you two.  

I thought no news would be good news.  Hopefully catch up with you later on msn.

Just off to work, back 2-3ish.

Lots and lots fo love,

mavis x


----------



## warbabe

I've got my info pack. It had been addressed wrong, and so had been delivered to a neighbours house. Not a good start, wondering whose mistake that had been

Anyway it is here now. I've got DH reading it now, then hopefully will be able to phone tomorrow to find out about arranging a visit.

I don't know what I'm looking forward to the most, the new Mattress or the Info pack  

Hope everyones OK? 

How's the snow where you all are? We have hardly got any here in the North West.

Warbabe


----------



## curvycat

Really happy for you warbabe

These small steps make a journey


----------



## popsi

kirstyn... glad that the visit went well, its a lot less daunting that we imagine its gonna be  

warbabe.. glad you have a pack woo hooo your on the road now x

cotswold girl.. your log fire sounds lovely hope you kept nice and toasty warm  

mavis.. love to you will pm you later x

sara.. hope your ok

much love to everyone else, sorry i am hopeless at personals at moment

we have loads of snow here, its fab was sent home from work after 10 mins so have been making a snowman with DH and the dog which was fab, had loads of snowball fights and plenty of fun .. felt like a kid again !

xx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi popsi

How are you, hope your enjoying making snowmen, I walked into work this morning and got sent home about 11 ish - It's pretty though seeing all the snow on the tree's, I really should of bought some boots suitable for the snow though, I was sliding this morning, I had a look in peacocks earlier but they were waiting for stock.

Well we haven't heard anything yet from our SW or had our official confirmation letter, I rang them today but the office must be closed in cardiff with the snow  

What's been happening with your progress

crazybabe


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Kirstyn - fantastic news on your visit and the fact they love you   Roll on your prep course - bet you'll be counting the days!

Warbabe - glad your info pack turned up, bet we can guess what you'll be spending your evening doing   I hope you get you initial visit date confirmed soon.   

Crazybabe - hope your confirmation letter turns up soon sweetie and you hear soon about a match.    Good luck on the boot hunting front - I've got very little suitable for this weather apart from some jazzy wellies and they seem a bit overkill going from the house to the car or the car to work 

Popsi - hope your snowman is holding up well! Sounds like you had fun in the snow. What a shame being sent home early   

We've got a reasonable covering of snow but not enough yet to stop me going to work sadly. 

CG xxxxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi CG

I rang our SW'er today and she was suprised that we haven't had our letter, she said that we have definaltely been approved though as she seen the letter from the decison maker    - I'll have a look on the weekend I think for some boots.

crazybabe


----------



## popsi

crazybabe.. glad the letter is on the way honey, it will be a relief when you have it i am sure, i know i am a stresser who would be the same  , things are ok with us, only had 1 hs visit last week, got our next on 17h feb then weekly after than, sw says if things go well we will go to panel early spring, at the moment i am just quite nervous with all the competencies etc but hope that will improve


cotswold girl.. i will send some snow to you so you can have a day off playing in it tomorrow


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Popsi - can you send some more snow this way please   I want to stay home and build a snowman   It is snowing heavily here so you never know I may just get to stay at home and play in the snow  

Gosh you're steaming ahead with your HS. Panel in the spring sounds great.  it stays on track for the spring.

Crazybabe - hope your letter arrives soon. At least you know it is in black and white on your file and that's the main thing.  

CG xxxxx


----------



## warbabe

I want some snow too, would love a day off work. 

Well, both DH and I have finished reading the info pack. They have include a reply form to return to say if you want to proceed, so that is ready to put in the post in the morning. Then back to waiting again to hear about the first visit. 

There was some interesting stats in it about number of adoption in last 2 years for the LA. Initial thoughts from DH and me were that these were low numbers.

Warbabe x


----------



## mavis

Hi WB,

Great news, so glad your pack arrived - It is brill that you can start moving forward now.  GOOD LUCK      (Hows the mattress?) has the snow reached you yet?

Hi Crazybabe,

Congratulations on approval at panel, hope you get that confirmation letter soon, to tidy things up.  Hope u dont have long to wait for matching.  PS.  I have 2 sets of ****y wellies for dog walking, I seem to live in them these days! Good Luck wiht your search for boots  

Hi Popsi,

I still havent got any further with my competencies either!!!, still at the same stage as when we last spoke, but, I have just been doing some of the other bits in the pack instead.  But have been collecting some evidence.  Is ur SW off off? If not you could email her for some help? Good Luck for today and Doggy. xxx

ps. Loving the buttercup - thank you x

Hi CG,

How's the snow? Ours has nearly gone now!!!, some of it has turned into thick black ice on our road! eeeek.  Must admit I have fallen off the wagon on the diet front too!! but will be back on it today - back to my fitness dvd!!!!   (what a sight!), is DH back saturday? Wish that we had a real fire the smell is gorgeous and is just what you need in these long cold days.    Take care.

Hi Kirtsyn,

Sorry I missed you yesterday hopefulyl catch u later today.  Hope ur still buzzing.  Bet your planning your next moves xx  

HI Sara,

That is great news for you that they have put you in touch with this couple, it must make you feel so good.  Hope you get to speak to them soon and you find it useful etc.  

Take care all keep safe and warm,

lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Hi,

Ok an update have an appointment for next Tues - hooray.

Fingers crossed.

Hope you are all ok?

mavis x


----------



## curvycat

Mavis missing you!!! 

Glad you got your next appointment so soon 

Cg please dont ask for the snow, I need to get some work done! 

Spent 30mins today spinning around in a car park!!!!!! Needed 4 men to push me out


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Kirstyn - ok I've stopped my snow dance so you can do some work   Must admit I didn't enjoy my drive to work this morning. Since getting stuck for 5 hours in the car last year when it snowed I've got really nervous when it's icy! Expecting up to 20cms of snow tonight so may not make it to work tomorrow.

Mavis - not having as much success with my fire tonight   it keeps going out. You can tell I normally leave doing the fire to my DH   Great news on getting your visit rearranged for Tuesday.

Warbabe - perhaps worth asking your LA why their adoption numbers seem low and what the typical wait is. 

CG xxx


----------



## mavis

Hi Kirstyn,

Miss you x - ha got you !

Bad week this week, hpe to catch up with you properly soon  

Are you dizzy from all that spinning?!  

Hi CG,

OMG, I would have hated being stuck in that snow, I dont like driving in it either, especially when it's got icy undertones! Ahh, at least it's not spitting at you - the fire that is!.  I am useless with them too.  Whens Dh back? Yep v happy about Tuesday.

Are you ok?

lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## Chocolate Button

Hi ladies. I am so sorry for the lack of posts, but my computer is broken and I just heard today that it is not worth fixing. It is a laptop and is only a year and a half old! i am soooo mad.
It would ake me ages to post personals for everyone, but I have been using my wii to read your posts, it just takes so long to post using it. My Mum had given me a wee loan of her laptop for a few days.
I just wanted you to know that I have not forgotten about you all and wil be back posting asap.
A quick update SW visit went well and we have our prep groups in Feb. 4 groups over a week. I am really excited.xx
cath up with you all soon and please keep my wee space warm for me until I can rejoin you properly. xx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Chocolate Button - how could we forget you hun   Definately a space here with your name on it! I hope you get another PC/laptop soon    Almost as bad as being without a car these days! I'd be climbing the wall if I could access or post on FF   Do you think I should go to FF Anonymous? Not long til your prep course now. When in Feb do you start? Glad your SW visit went well.  

Mavis - I'm ok thanks, missing DH a bit. A week seems a long time when he's away. Cat and I most put out   My Mum was going to come up for a few days but hasn't because of the snow. 

CG xxxxx


----------



## mavis

Hi CG,

Sorry ur missing DH.   I always do too.  Even if just one night!!.  I like company.  Not long now till he is home will it be tomorrow night?.  I reckon you and the cat should treat yourselves to a sloppy dvd or something and curl up with some nice treats.  Sorry ur mum didnt make it down either in the end.  Hope you have a nice day today - any plans?, be nice to yourself, not many more sleeps!!!   Whe is your prep group due to start?

Hi Choc Button,

There you are! We missed you.   Great news on the Prep groups.  Hope ur ok other than your dastardly computer!!!  

take care both of you,

lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## warbabe

Hi all,

I'm at work so trying to sneekily catch up since was out last night and didn't get chance to get on FF. Chocolate Button - I don't know how you are coping without your laptop. I'm sure I've got an addiction to either FF or ********, I wouldn't like anyone to take my laptop away from me.

Mavis - I see you have your appointment arranged for next week. Is this part of your home study, if so home many visits do you have? (Please excuse me, I've not since joined this board and since at work not got the time to read through all the pages.)

CB - when in Feb do you start your Prep groups?

Cotswold Girl - When is your DH back? I hate being on my own, but it's usually me that is away not DH. I'm away from home for 2 days next week, and then the following week with work. I'm not looking forward to it already. Thanks for the tip re asking the SW about the low stats. To be honest I don't know if it's low or not since it's a small LA. I can't remember what they were off the top of my head, think around 67 adoptions over last 2.5 years

We have finally got some snow this morning, would love for it to carry on so we get sent home!
Warbabe


----------



## mavis

Hi Warbabe,

Yes it is my 2nd appt for home study, we have had 2 out of the 3 cancelled so far, so fingers crossed!  have been busy doing lots of homework though.

How is the snow up there?

Hope you hear back about the visit soon, did they indicate how long it may be etc?

Hope ur ok.

lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## Chocolate Button

Thanks ladies my first prep course is on 17th Feb in the evening. Then we have an all day course on the Thu. The next one is on the saturday and is all day and the last one is on the Tues morning. It is all done over a week and I am feeling so nervous and excited. 
SW said DH will have to have an early medical as he has high BP but I contacted my GP and he looked at our medical history. He called me back to say that he sees absolutly no problems in our health and that he cannot see any issues that may be a problem. We also have to think about how many children we may be looking for and as we are a mixed religion marriage we have that to concider. we have a lot to talk about, but we are just going to see what info we are given at the prep groups and see if any thoughts or questions coe up. I think we might book to go a wee night away on the final day/night of the courses and take some time to go over what we have learned.

cotswald girl I am the same with my dh. Have to be honest I like to snuggle up at night. Its hard to sleep when hes not there snoring his head off beside me, thrashing about and stealing all the covers! I have no idea why we miss them so much, but we do  

Praying for more snow. I am a nursery teacher and so I am wishing that my school will get closed. Hasn't so far, but keep up the snow dances!!!!!!!!

Fighting with company I bought lapto from so I am   I get some compensation or a free repair. Watch this space!


----------



## HFI

Hi ladies............nearly the weekend.................YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEE  

Mavis - Hope your HS appointment goes well next Tuesday, on your second session already.  I hope no more get cancelled due to the snow.

Chocolate Button - Fantastic news your prep group starts on 17th and finishes within a week.  Another step closer    Good luck with getting compensation from the laptop company.

CG - Will your DH be home for the weekend?  Mine's gone skiing today - well he hopes!  The airport has cancelled all departures and arrivals until at least midday so him and his mates are hoping to get transferred to another airport.  I will be lonely without him but I'll just have to give my black labrador Hogan lots of hugs.  I hope he doesn't pull me over this weekend when I walk him on the slippery paths    Enjoy having your DH back home with you 

Kirstyn - Glad you finally had your visit and it went well.  Fingers crossed your prep course will be in May.  I hope you've stopped spinning now in your car, don't you just hate driving in the snow  

Warbabe - Really pleased your info pack arrived and you've read through it.  Did you get sent home early yesterday?

Crazybabe - Has your letter arrived yet?  If not, I'm sure it will this weekend.  Good luck looking for your groovy boots  

Popsi - All the best for your 2nd HS appointment on 17th.  Looks like that's gonna be a busy day for you and CB  

Crusoe - I hope you are ok and have received another date for matching panel.  Keeping everything crossed for you  

Who's enjoying this snow..............not me    I've managed to drive into work everyday and many others haven't.  I've not been sent home early once and it's been really bad round here.  I hope it improves this weekend otherwise I'll be stuck in doors for 2 days, I hate driving in it.  Sorry moan over    Mind you, my DH made me go sledging on Monday after work which was good fun (apart from my numb toes!).

We've had another update this week.  We have another SW coming to see us next Monday for our second opinion.  She will just ensure nothing has been missed on our F form - so lots of housework for me this weekend!

Have a great weekend everyone.  Is anyone doing anything nice?

Take care.

Love H xx


----------



## MACARONI2

Hey girlies 

Sorry I've not been on for ages, had a lot going on (as usual!!!!)

Anyway, Im back - off to our first prep group tomorrow, its an all day thing, so quite nervous.  I'm really bad at talking in groups, I just feel uncomfortable, but I suppose everyone in same boat.

CG - you have the same initials as me, and everytime I see it I get all confused  

CB - hope you are all ready for your prep group, are yours in Glasgow, mine are at Families for Children.

Kirstyn - hi, good to hear your visit went well, if you feel the need to mega clean again, my number is .........  

Mavis - you are quite a bit ahead of us, so good to know you can share your worldly wisdom

Hi to everyone else, warbabe, popsi, crusoe and hfi - have a good weekend, we haven't really had any snow, a light dusting on Wed nite and that was it, its all gone now boohooooo.

Take care


Macaroni2  

Oh ps, isn't it lonely without Camly and all her drama queen antics     (will pm u!!)


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi everyone, 

Well we had plenty of snow today and yesterday! Finally got to build my snowman   He's got brussel sprout for his eyes and mouth as I hate them and DH isn't here to eat them  

Mavis - what are the competencies you need to demonstrate? Gosh I find it bad enough doing evidence for work, didn't realise we'd have to do it for adoption too! I'm ok for a night or 2 on my own (though never overly keen on that) but a week is definitely too long - especially when the snow makes it difficult to see friends as well as go to work. Still DH is home tomorrow - I can't wait to have him snoring away beside me   I worked at home yesterday but didn't have enough with me to work a second day at home so took a day off today rather than risk the roads. How are things your way? I hope the black ice has gone.

Warbabe - 67 over 2 and a half years doesn't sound that bad. I guess it depends how big the authority is and how many people thay have waiting to be matched but it's not a bad number. Did you get a day off due to the snow in the end?

Chocolate Button - I hope you get somewhere with the company that supplied your laptop - it's not unreasonable to expect the thing to last more than 18 months   As you say why we miss them snoring away and stealing the duvet I'll never know   but when they're not there snoring away it makes it even more difficult to sleep!

HFI - did your husband go skiing in the end? I hope his flight made it out in the end or all this snow will be a reminder of what he's missed! Think I need to get a dog - my cat hates hugs almost as much as this snow  I hope your 2nd opinion visit goes well on Monday and you don't have to spend too much time on the housework this weekend. Do you know how long you'll have to wait for panel?

Macaroni - good luck with your prep course tomorrow - I know what you mean about worring about being in a big group or doing group things. I'm sure they'll all be lovely though and you'll find you've lots in common. Good luck and keep us posted.


We're still waiting to hear when we can get on a prep course. The SW said they're really busy and short staffed so to contact her again if we don't hear anything in a month. Not sure that we'll give them that long before we start chasing   I think a fortnights enough  

CG xxxx


----------



## mavis

Hi CB,

Hope ur ok?

Not long then till preps.  Wishing you loads of luck.

Glad you ahve spoken to you Dr and has put your minds at rest.  I found it quite nice talking to DH about how many children and other considerations - for me I felt at last i could talk about it and it made it more real.

It's a good idea for the last night, you may just want the night to crash, relax and enjoy yourselves as a treat - we found it information overload, but was defo great and couldnt stop talking about it all.

Any news on the laptop? Good luck for that.

Hi HFI,

How are you doing?

Good Luck for your 2nd opinion visit      

Yep 2nd session already - bring it all on! : )

Hi Macaroni,

Oh just writing that makes me feel hungry.

U ok?

Good Luck for prep tomorrow    , so exciting!

I think you will relax, there is alwasy a mix of people, some like to talk all the time so dont, let the talker do th talking then you'll soon relax and before you know it you will not be so nervous  

Our snow has all gone too!

Whens your next prep day?

Worldy wisdom!  not sure bout that but thank you and will always do my best so feel free to fire away at me, I will always tell you my our experiences and what we have done if ti can help anywhere or anyone at all.  I love to help 

Hi ya CG,

Ooh snowman, loving the sprout thing!! if i was there i'd be eating them i love them, i love them - i luv em!!! yummmmmmmmmmmmm

Oh man the competencies you would not believe I do not know if all LA VA's do them, but there are a lot of them and takes some working out.  But we are finally getting there now, though still stuck on some areas, There is a series of questions that require you to demonstrate/action plan/evidence ability to care for children of all ages.   I will pm it to you if you like - tho it will take soem typing so I would do it in brief, or would you rather not know?

Defo agree a week is too too long to be on your own! Hope DH doesnt have to do it often.  Yes lovely snoring and in my case lots of grunting groaning and not to mention fa*ting! sory if tmi!?

Snow / ice has all gone from this end now, took my dad over to france today through the tunnel just to do a shop and for him to get some ciggies, he has always gone but since the death of my step mum he is less confident, France well Coquelles what we saw of it Cite Europe and the terminal was dead! so quiet, the excahnge rate wasnt too bad and he worked out over 800 ciggies he saved 100£ so not bad and he got some nice bits and so did we.  Been busy doing homework, back to the nursery Monday, am planning more homework and double exercise both days over weekend as well as taking dog out.  Needs must, I seem to be getting a better shape but not much weight has come off, I was naughty and didnt weigh today but will tomorrow - whic reminds me

KIRSTYN - weigh in - ring ring!!

Sorry about that, you are luck that you can from work from home too, I am able to work from home with some stuff but have to go into the office for others!  Hope you have a lovely weekend with Dh maybe a nice meal or two and a curl up together on the sofa in front of the fire.

Yeh I defo wouldnt be able to wait 1 month, I would want to chase about then too.  It just seems too long.

Lots and lots and lots of love to everyone,

Hope you have a good weekend.

mavis x


----------



## Chocolate Button

Thanks ladies. Oh y Mum is a life saver. I can post again fo r abit. Think I too am a FF addict.

Macaroni2 Yes my groups are in Glasgow, but as we come under South Lanankshire we were not able to go with families for Children so we went with a VA instead.
How were the prep groups. Any help, advice or hints would be great!!!  


Mavis Bonjour hope you had a fab day out in France. It sounds like a nice trip. xx

Cotswald girl roll on the return of DH. Snuggle up and watch a good film and have a nice weekend together. xx

HFI good luck for the SW visit on Monday. You must be nearly there by now your dreams are within touching distance. I wish you loads of luck and love. xx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi girls, hope you've all had a lovely weekend.

It's snowing heavily again here and  DH safely home on Saturday so at least I'll have company if snowed in tomorrow which is looking pretty likely at the moment!  

Macaroni - I hope your prep course went well. 

HFI - How did your visit go? I hope it went well and they don't make you wait too long for a panel date.   

Kirstyn - how are things with you? Hope all's well.

Mavis - good luck for tomorrow.

Camly, Warbabe, Crazybabe - how are you doing?

Crusoe - fantastic news on being approved at panel. I hope intros go well.


CG xxxx


----------



## curvycat

Hi girls sorry havent been on.

Feeling a little down and stressed out.

Trying to organise our wedding, thought we would make it simple and do it abroad but it is a nightmare to facilitate. 

Parents, friends, family and brothers!! Anyone want them??

Hope u are all well.

Off to conference now for a couple of days so will catch up soon

xx


----------



## mavis

Hi CB,

Yes was a short but good day out in France, coming home early meant more quality time at home - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.  It was quite nice just went over for a few bits.

Not long now a week ish for you?  

Hi CG,

So so glad your DH got home for you, hope you had a good weekend.  How is the snow now? 

Hi Kirtsyn,

Why are you stressssssss ed out and feelign down? whats up babe? you have been really busy what with going back to work and that.

A wedding, lovely, you dont have to consider everyone or you will never get anywhere.  Try and go for what it is that you would both like.  I will pass on the family option thanks !!! as you know have enough of my own!

look afteryourself.

I hope everyone else is ok and has not been either frozen to an ic cube or washed or blown away in this weather.

2nd Home Visit went well today - next one in 2 weeks on Thurs all being well, hopefully have a longer one and have more homework   

Lots and lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## MissSunshine

Hey ladies,

Just thought I'd let you all know that DH and I are definitely going on the prep course in March!! We are so excited!!!   

We are a little miffed with one of the social workers that we've been dealing with. She's been giving us wrong info, then when we ask Q's,like why we haven't heard from her to find out what happening she turns round and says 'oh no we've been waiting for you to call us and confirm that you can make the dates' When I know for a fact that we've been waiting for her to call us!!!! ARRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
I'm noting it all down though, and when we've bought our child/ren home, I'll have plenty to say! 

Hope you are all well.

Good luck to anyone who's attending a course soon!

Hugs to you all, Rhonda.XxXxX


----------



## mavis

Hi Rhonda,

Great news you are on the preps.  Not long either looking at your ticker.

GOOD LUCK.  Hope you enjoy it.

Love,

mavis x


----------



## Camly

hiiiiii alll

sorry not been on for a while but have been trying to keep up with all your news.  good luck to you all of you attending prep grps and going thru hs.  


weather has been hellish eh?  good for the kids with the snow but not for us adults who have to go to work!  

hope you are all doing well.  keep up the good work!  


lots of love camly x x x x x


----------



## mavis

Hi Camly,

Thank you.  As you know from PM 2nd visit went well.

Hope u r ok.

When is your new SW coming?  bet u cant wait.

Keep us posted on your colours for your room/s when you finally decide - so o o o o o o o  o  o    o    o        o        o          o exciting , it will just come to you in the end.

Lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## Moppit

Hi Lovely adoption ladies

Just a quick one from me. We have our initial interview/home visit today at 1.30pm, rearranged from last week following the snow. Absolutely terrified and have spent most of the morning fretting about whether the house is tidy enough/too tidy and whether we are wearing the right things to make the right impression. Also barely slept a wink last night worrying about not being able to answer their questions. Have had so many doors shut on this journey of infertility that just couldnt bear for today to be yet another one and will be utterly heartbroken if they say no.

Will let you know how it goes
Love to all

Moppitx


----------



## crusoe

Thinking of you Moppit
I'm sure your meeting will be fine but keep us posted. I had a terrible fear of being turned down to adopt but here I am 1 day away from meeting my son. I'm sure your fears are groundless.

Love crusoe
xx


----------



## Moppit

Dear All

Well the 2 social workers have just left after a 90 minute grilling of DH and I. It went okay, I think, but there were some areas where I did feel we were a little weak. Most of all I felt like it probably sounded as if we were talking out of a text book rather than saying what we really felt. There were lots of questions about the 'type' of child we would be willing to adopt and although we had prepared for these all our talk of being open and accepting just sounded a bit false. They seemed to be looking for us to actually say yes or no to things whereas we just kept saying that we were open to children with difficulties/issues becasue we understood that children coming for adoption are likely to have issues. When it came to age it was even harder becasue we were so scared of being turned down based on being inflexible that we said ideally a baby but that we recognised that it was unlikely to happen so a child under school age. She just kept saying are you sure 0-2 wouldnt be better which felt like she was trying to catch us out ie if I said 0-2 they would reject us based on not having any children of this age so we stuck to our guns even though deep down I was thinking well if you have 0-2 age children then yes that would be our ideal.

At the end of the interview they said that they would get back to us after their next team meeting in 2 weeks time. So we have to wait 2 whole weeks to hear anything. Prep groups are not till May. 

They asked if we were still looking at other LAs which scared me because they are literally the only LA that have even allowed us to get this far in our area so if they say no we have nowhere to turn.

I know I"m getting myself in a tizz but can't help feeling that they are going to send us away and that we should have been more forthright with our opinions instead of appearing to be open to anything and sure about nothing.

Did anyone else feel like this after their interview.

Moppit x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi everyone,

Snow still hanging around here but starting to clear in places at long last. I'm so looking forward to Spring and warmer weather! 

Mavis - hope you enjoyed your trip to France. Must be great to be able to hop over and stock up on French goodies like cheese and wine, and fresh tart tartin   Wish we lived nearer to the south coast so we could do more of that. Lovely to hear that your visit went well and you've got your next one booked. 

Kirstyn - I hope the conference has given you a welcome break from everything and chance to let your hair down and forget about wedding preparations etc for a bit. Wonder why we tie ourselves in knots trying to make everyone else happy on what should be our day. Just remember it's your day and one you should enjoy - you can't and won't make everyone happy. Getting married abroad sounds a lovely idea. Where we you thinking of heading?

Rhonda - well done on getting on the March prep course. Not long to go at all    no wonder you're excited  

Crusoe - have a fab time meeting your son. I hope it's everything you dreamed of and some  

Moppit - sorry to hear you're worried about your visit and have to wait 2 weeks to hear anything. I'm sure you did fine hun    Please don't stress over what you said or think you should have said - there are no perfect answers and I'm sure that saying you're open to things at this stage is fine and what they want to hear. Good luck   

Still no news for us. 

CG xxxx


----------



## mavis

Hi Moppit,

My head is not in a good place today - so apologise if I go of on a ramble in wrong directions etc!!

You sound like me questioning everything.  I think you will feel a bit as you say talking out of a text book I kind of call it almost in another world.  It is just because you all dont know each other I think.  I am finding this with our SW at the moment thinking she must think I am odd and talk rot!

Why did it made you think they wanted you to say yes to things?  what did dh make of it?

I think by being open and accepting is one of the best things that they could hope to hear.

They dont know about your other LA's so dont worry about that.

Everytime after a meeting I question what was said and did we say it right etc, the best thing to do if I am honest, is to be honest, it is hard as you do want to be rejected or appear to be fussy or whatever, but they will get to see who you are, for example with us we want 2 children under 3, but have told them we can be flexible with it.  Really is that any different to what you have said, ok maybe not the 2.  Theyh are trying to work out what it is you think that you are after, like we said that and our SW said so would you consider one? - I still dont know about this as would like two, but woudl like a child so yes one would appeal to us.  It is very hard.  I guess you and DH could talk about what you really really want and where you will move.  I think when you get to the prep groups they will really help you as they cover some of these things too and give you food for thought, but you could start to think about it now so you feel clearer.

Our prep groups were 8 months after our visit!

I think you will be fine and again sorry if I have rambled I hope I have reassured you in some way!

take care - hope you get to hear back soon aftre the meeting,

lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## mavis

HI CG,

How are you?

I agree cant wait for a bit of sunshine to lift us and let the flowers start to come out.

Are you going to chase SS after a certain point?

Yep the France thing is handy we are lucky, i love their food too, but as you know am on a tubby diet!!!! we dont normally eat over there unless it is a day out day out or it is just dh and i on our own.

Went to Cirque de Soleil yesterday was very good, we went last year and was a different production wasnt as good Id say but still enjoyable, only problem was the traffic getting in and out of London and the blasted rain!

I hope you hear soon,

lots of love,

mavis x


Hi Crusoe, 

Yes - hooray - scarey but exciting - how lovely for you, I hope it all goes well. xxx


----------



## Chocolate Button

I hope it is ok to post this here, but I really need some support right now.  We have just had the most awful news. My husbands boss and a really true friend had just died. He was a young man and dropped dead of a brain hemorrhage. we are absoluytly devestated and my DH woke up during the night we both just sat there sobbing. He was not only a boss, but a good friend too and we did things socially with him and his family. Dh has worked with him for 15 years it is a small company with only 4 of them. He is on the Rangers web site if you want to pop on and read about a true gent. I can't stop crying and its all hands on deck to help his son (who also works in company), my poor DH is tired out and is doing all he can at work. The phones have been going non stop. I have been going in to his work too whn I finish mine and doing what I can for them. I am off Mon and Tue and will go in then also. It is so sad and we went to see his wife and family tonight. Heartbreaking. He was a fantastic person and was so kind to DH and I about our situation. He was going to be one of our references for our adoption process. He said to DH that he would love to see us with kids and would do all and anything to help us. Now he won't be here to share it with us    Life sucks sometimes. Oh and I am going toget my grans stuff from her lovely DH on sat so away for the weekend. Things just get better and better!
PS if anyone knows him Id like to hear from you. 
PPS if anyone recognises me or DH from this post please remember what ges on FF stays on FF


----------



## Camly

hiya choc button

so sorry to hear your news.  thinking about you and your dh.

take care  

lots of love camly x x x


----------



## saphy75

so sorry to read your news Choc button   

pam xx


----------



## popsi

choc button.. i am so sorry for your sad news, but you now have an angel in heaven looking down on you and supporting you through your journey to a family xx


----------



## mavis

Hi CB,

I am so sorry.

Utter SHOCK right though the core, it shakes your whole being and world doesnt it.

We lost a very very dear healthy young friend 42 suddenly of a major heart attack just before christmas he left behind his wonderful wife who was then 8 months pregnant and his young daughter of 8 too - their whole lives ahead of them.  Unbelieveable.

None of us know.

I am thinking of you all at this very sad time.  I am so sorry.

Look after yourselves.

Lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## Chocolate Button

Mavis you are so right its the shock that is the worst at the moment. 
Thank you all so much!   for you all. xx


----------



## mavis

CB,

How are you feeling today?

Hope ur ok.

If things get tough for you try and take things a bit at a time, bit like a day at a time or hour at a time.

I hope you got soemone going with you at the weekend.

Keep me posted.

Love to you,

mavis x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Cb- so so sorry to hear this sad news- my thoughts are with you all 

Love and hugs

xxx


----------



## lou73

Chocolate Button - so sorry to hear your really sad news. It's absolutely devestating when something like this happens and it makes you realise just how precious life is. 

Our thoughts are with you and the family of your friend. 

Lots of love xx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Chocolate Button - so very sorry to hear about your loss.    

CG xxx


----------



## Moppit

Chocolate Button, I was so sad to read your post. You must be devastated and my heart goes out to you and DH. As some of the other girls have said this will make you more determined than ever to fulfil your dreams of a family as he will be looking down on you willing it to happen and you can tell your children about the fantastic person he was so he is still a part of their lives. Take time to grieve and be kind to yourselves, this will have been a massive shock and you need time to recover. Thinking of you....

Still worrying about our initial interview but having had time to reflect realise that we probably didnt answer that badly and if we had to do it again we would do the same again so we can only do our best and wait and see.

mx


----------



## Chocolate Button

cant thank you all enough for your kind words of support. on wii again so a short post. love to all.xxx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Chocolate Button - hope things are as ok as they can be hun    Be good to yourselves.   

Mavis - so sorry you had a rough time trying to see the health visitor. I can't believe how insensitive the clinic was    For what it's worth I think you were very brave....these sorts of things can stir up all sorts of emotions when you're least expecting them. It won't be long until you're sat there in the waiting room with your child(ren)    

CG xxxx


----------



## mavis

Hi CG,

Thank you - I really appreciate your thoughts and kindness.

How are you doing?

Getting any nearer to chasing up?

Have had a lovely day today to make up for that damn awful one yesterday.

Lots of love

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Hi CB,

Hope you are doing ok.

How are you doing with the Prep groups?

lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## curvycat

glad you had a better day today M. Was about to send the heavys round to your sw!!


----------



## Chocolate Button

Hi Ladies I am so sorry for my lack of posts ads it has been a really tough few days and my lap top is still broken.
DH isn't doing too good and is still struggling with the loss of his boss/friend. The funeral was on Tue and there was a huge turn out. DH was asked to travel in the family cars and was very touched by this.

Well we have started our prep groups. We are in a really nice group and all the other couples are lovely. It makes it easier to speak out and participate. The sw are great too and although the info is sometimes hard to take, the are reassuring us that they will help us every step of the way. Very tough emotionally and a great deal of info to take in, but we have enjoyed them. A lot to think about and a tough journey ahead, but it hasn't put us off. I am lucky (i think) as some my trainning for my job is similar to the the info we are being given. It is more detailed and individual, but it helps my understanding and I know most of the appropriate big word and pc terms   Back on Tue and actually looking forward to it!  

I am so sorry for te lack of personals, but I am struggling to post one finger on wii and it has taken me ages. I just wanted you to all know that I am keeping an eye on your progress and I am thinking of you all.
Sending you loads of   and


----------



## Cotswold Girl

CB - I should think the last couple of weeks have knocked you and your DH for six.   Such a terrible shock to the system losing someone close, especially before their time.  

Typing an email on a wii is a nightmare so I admire your perseverance   Your last message must have taken you ages to finish! So glad you've got a lovely bunch of people on your prep course and you're finding it ok. You must share those big words and pc expressions with me/us sometime - I so worry that I might unintentionally put my foot in it when we do ours! 

Mavis - glad yesterday was a better day and hope today was too  

Kirstyn - how are you doing? I hope the wedding prep is going better  

Hi to everyone else. 

Still no news our end from SS but we've got my nephew staying with us for a few days so that should keep our minds off things for a few days! Made banana & chocolate muffins with him today   Think the diet will be on hold while he's here!

CG xxxx


----------



## mavis

Hi CB,

Bad news there is no news on laptop when do you think they will get back to you on that?

Glad your preps are goin well, they are emotive - they bring out all sorts - well they did for me.

Take care, l

Hi CG,

Things seem to be going along ok thank you, other than the old hormones nagging away at me!? grrrrrrrrrrr.

Sounds like fun having your nephew over, bet you have been getting up to all sorts!!?

Hi Kirstyn,

Hope you are well and that you are still focused.

No sky here again today just cloud! makes me feel a bit claustrophobic, am off to do doggy soon for his walkies, then need to seriously clean the house, oh and go past dry cleaners on way home.

Hi Popsi 

Hope you are well?

and Hi everyone else too,

Lots of love to you all on here,

mavis x


----------



## Moppit

Hello Ladies

CB - So glad to hear your prep groups are going well, such alot to deal with on top of your close friend passing away. You and DH are very brave.

No news from me, should hear about the outcome of our initial interview next week so fingers crossed.

Moppit x


----------



## mavis

Hi Moppit,

Fingers crossed it wont be long now for you  

lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## curvycat

Hi ladies.

Supposed to have heard from SW by tomorrow to see if they are letting us go to next stage and nothing yet  

Wedding is booked at least! Got 2 wedding shows to go to "mother far more excited than I am!" supposed to be dieting but have managed to put on 10pound instead of lose!!!!! I think I am doing something wrong  

Feeling a little overwhelmed by it all! Have fainted 3times in the last week! Have a very sore and scabby knee. Too scared to go to GP in case it goes on my medical. 

Spent Friday with a 4day old baby and thought I had coped well but then sobbed and sobbed this morning at nothing. I am bursting in tears at the slightest of things and getting ridiculously angry at nothing at all. Keep blaming the HRT but I think this excuse is getting a little old.

Sorry for spreading this little bit of joy amongst you all  

I hope you are all well and had a great weekend xxxx


----------



## MissSunshine

Hi Kirstyn,

I know you must be concerned about going to your GP, but fainting 3 times in a week doesn't sound great....  Maybe being on HRT your bloodpressure is doing funny things? Got to be worth checking out.....just for peace of mind! Take care of yourself.X P.S. Congrats on booking your wedding. It'll be amazing for sure! 

Moppit, good luck. Hope they get in contact with you soon.     

Chocolate button, I was so sorry to read of your recent loss. Just heartbreaking.....   

Thinking of everyone else and your journeys......      

Can't believe we've _finally_ got our prep course soon.......... Just want it now!!!!

Take care, 
Rhonda.XxX


----------



## mavis

Hi Kirstyn,

There are you are.

Big big   for you.

Dont be beating yourself up or being mean to yourself at the mo you have a lot on.

I am not happy to hear your are still fainting.

Do you think it is that you have gone back to work after resting and your work is demanding of you.

I hope you go and see the Dr soon, you really need o be checked to just make sure, but suspect it is too early for you.  I dont see how this can affect your medical the SW know about your op.  Please your health comes first, without you there would be no point in any of the things that you are trying to do.

You must feel really rotten.

K, you are not super woman as might as you try.

Take care of yourself.

Lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## mavis

PS. Rhonda good look with your Prep Groups, Hope you enjoy them. x


----------



## Moppit

Dear Kirstyn

Had to write after reading your post as you sound just like me. I spent most of yesterday in tears. Not really sure why but having felt upbeat on Saturday when the sun was out I came crashing to earth on Sunday, remembering all the reasons we still ahve to be unhappy and how long it will be before we have a child of our own. We went to the park for a walk to try and clear my head but everywhere I looked there were parents with children. Why does it feel like the whole world can have children and you can't. I just felt down with the unfairness of it all and just couldnt stop crying. Even told my DH that I wasnt sure why he was with me as with someone else he could have had children of his own by now. I still feel positive about adoption but I know if they come back this week and tell us that we can't move forward with them as an LA I will crumple completely as I don't think we have any more options. Every time a door opens it seems to shut in our face again so can't see why this should be any different.

Anyway really just to say Kirstyn I know how you feel and I'm thinking of you. Really hope we both get positive news this week.

Moppit x


----------



## crusoe

Must be something in the air as I am bursting into tears at the drop of a hat and I have so much to be thankful for at the moment!
Kirstyn and Moppit - I hope you both hear positive news soon, I'm sure you will .....

Lots of love 
Crusoe
xxx


----------



## Moppit

Sometimes a good cry is a good thing!

So good to hear from you Crusoe. Would love to hear an update of how things are going and what it was like to meet your gorgeous son for hte first time.

This will give me hope as I know you had such a similar journey to mine and are almost at the finish line!

Moppit x


----------



## mavis

Dear Kirstyn, Moppit and Crusoe.

Big BIG Hugs to you all,



Hope you all feel better soon.

Lots and lots of love to you all.

mavis x


----------



## crazybabe

hi Crusoe

How are you I am looking forward to hearing all about meeting your son for the first time, I bet it's lovely.

I wish we would have some news to cheer us both up we are feeling down at the moment to, there must be something in the air  

speak to you soon

 

crazybabe


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi everyone, group       required....

Moppit - I hope you get good news this week    All this waiting around is so difficult when you just want to get on with things. Sorry you had such a rubbish time of it Sunday but a good cry is probably what you needed   Try not to blame yourself though - I'm sure your DH wouldn't want you to and you will get your family, just not in the way you thought you would  

Kirstyn - you should definately get down the doctors sweetie.  Fainting isn't normal and prob means you're overdoing things (i.e. gone back to work too quickly) or the HRT/hormones you're on aren't right. Are you having headaches too? If so it could well be blood pressure related. Either way you need to get yourself checked out.   As  Mavis says it shouldn't affect your medical report - they know you had a big op and will allow time for you to recover from it. You're only human and you need to listen to your body which seems to be telling you to slow down a bit.   That might be why you're feeling tearful too - if you're not well/tired/hormonal! Does it for me every time   After my last op I found I'd burst into tears for no particular reason after returning to work because I was tired and frustrated with myself that I couldn't immediately do all the things I used to. Us girls just aren't good at pacing ourselves!

Crusoe & Crazybabe - big   to you too. 

Mavis - hope all ok with you. Had a lovely time with my nephew thanks   

Thanks to whoever boosted my bubbles I'm feeling loved 

CG xxxxxx


----------



## HFI

Hi ladies

I'm sorry to hear so many of you have been feeling a bit down and tearful this last week but I do know how you feel - it's really got to be something in the air!  Last week I started crying with my DH after being told yet again I need to start changing "me" if I'm going to be a good mum.  To be honest, it wasn't really put quite like that but that's how it's felt for the last few weeks...............I think I'm just overly sensitive at the moment.  The bunch of flowers he bought me the next day made me feel better  

CB - I am so so sorry to read your sad news, what a shock for you and your DH. Take care of each other during this difficult time.  On a lighter note, I am pleased your Prep course is going well and you're enjoying it.  Good luck for your session today.

Crusoe - I will be thinking of you ALL day today - I hope it goes well and you enjoy this very special day.

Moppitt - I hope you hear back from your initial interview this week.  Fingers crossed it's all good news  

Kirstyn - Sorry to hear you've been fainting, I hope you're feeling better now.  Have you been to the doctors yet?  When are you getting married? I love weddings.  I hope you receive some positive news this week too.

Crazybabe - I hope you are ok and enjoying this percious time with your DH.  I hope your wait for a match is soon over  

Mavis - How are you?  I hope homestudy is going well, how many sessions have you had now?

CG - I'm glad to hear you had fun with your nephew - how old is he?  Banana and Chocolate muffins...........yummy    I hope you hear from SS very soon.

Rhonda - Good luck with your Prep course in March - what date do you start?

Hi to anyone else I might of missed.

I'm not doing too bad thanks.  After a stressful last few weeks of homestudy, I'm pleased to say we have now finished    Our panel date is in less than one week        Please send me lots of   next Monday at 11.30    I hear so often that panel is fine and they only ask basic questions but I am a bit concerned they might ask questions that I can't answer.  My confidence was knocked a bit during homestudy so I am probably more worried than I should be.  I'm sure I'll be fine  

Have a great week everyone.

Take care.

Love H x


----------



## Moppit

Thanks for all the lovely messages of support. I'm feeling much better and much less tearful although there is still a knot in my stomach that won't go away. I think its mainly that I am terrified of rejection this week as I just don't know what else we will do if adoption is another closed door. I know there is no point in worrying before we know for sure but easier said than done.

HFI - Congratulations on completing your Home Study, I bet you did a fantastic job. Great that the panel is so quick but I can imagine how nerve wracking it is. What I do know is that very very few people fail at this point if you have got this far you are very very near the finish line and will cross it I am sure.

Kirstyn - Have been thinking of you lots as we are both at the same stage and hoping against hope that we both get good news this week. Keep me updated.

Crazybabe - Sorry to hear you and DH are also feeling down, its definately something in the air at the moment and hopefully soon the air will change and we'll all feel more positive.

Love to all and have a good day!

Crusoe - Don't forget to update us all - just what we need to make us all feel  better 

Moppit x


----------



## mavis

Hi HFI,              

Great News well done you. Must feel a sense of relief at last.

So, your panel is Monday 2nd? Wow that is fabby news 

 for it, but sure you wont need it.

Have you thought about clothes yet? what you are going to wear? - so exciting for you   

Thank you for asking I think it is our 3rd and 4th this week as we are having a double session, I am not sure if your 1st hs appt counts as one if so 4&5 if that makes sense.

I think we would all have that fear with panel and is only natural, you are onyl you and can only do what you can. Try not to worry too much about it. Give yourself some time out, and say to yourself I am not going to worry about it till say Sunday night or Mon morning, then you can take some time to look at all you have acheived and be proud of yourselves. 

Hi ya Moppit,

You are not alone we are here for you.

I sending you a massive massive 

Please dont get yourself too down about it. It aint over till that lady sings and she aint sung yet.

It is the constant not knowing of this process that gets to you - not to mention the waiting.

Fingers crossed both you and Kirtsyn hear asap. Did they say when they would let you know by?   

I know with us they said say like next week but we didnt hear and 3 weeks went by so we called them - I was so scared too.

Hi Crusoe,

Big Day for you.

Hope you are ok and not too overwhelmed. Enjoy yourselves.

Cant wait to hear your news.

Hi CrazyB,

Must be wonderful to be approved.

Again you are tainted by the waiting, hurdle after hurdle but you will get there very soon I hope for you  ! seems we can never escape it.

How often will you be meeting with your SW to keep in the loop?

Hi CG,

Thanks for the group hug I needed that too.

Like everyone else have been feeling down too, this week seem to be coming out of it a bit. I am going to blame the weather and the doom and gloom on the news for now! 

Have you been up to much else?

PS. I have been secretly bubble boosting cant you tell by my score?! does anyone esle want more bubblies great for cheering up and killing my finger and mouse! 

Kirstyn,

I know you will come back when you are ready.

Just want you to know I miss you and havent forgotten you.

I hope you get mended soon.

CB,

How are you?

Are you mind boggled after all that prepping!?

take care all ~

Lots and lots of love to everyone,

mavis x

ps. anyone up for soem bubble love


----------



## MissSunshine

Crusoe, I hope today has gone swimmingly well, and your at home with your baby boy right now having a big cuddle!!!  

HFI, WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Panel next Monday!! How exciting......I can't wait to get there, seems such a long time coming. Lots of love and luck coming your way!!         Oh and our prep course starts next Thurs 5th March and runs for 4days(Thurs, Fri, Sat and Mon) It's going to be alot to take in.

Mavis, loving your bubble pic!! Sooooo cute. 

Quick Q... Did anyone do any prep or reading before going on the courses? We want to be as prepared as we can. 

Love, Rhonda.XxXxX


----------



## mavis

Hi Rhonda,

We read a few books and had also spoken to friends who had adopted.

I think it is useful to do some research before you go, puts you in a good light, shows your committment etc.

love,

mavis x


----------



## crusoe

Hello everyone

Sorry for a me post but I just wanted to let you know dreams can work out. After premature menopause, 8 failed IVF's with donor eggs and and 1 that did work but ended in m/c thanks to adoption I am finally a mummy and my gorgeous son is asleep upstairs in his cot. I have watched so many friends and people on FF achieve success and really doubted it would EVER happen for me but it has finally.
Adoption is a tough old road especially when you are already battered and bruised from infertility and IVF but it is also a very positive road. Hang in there girls and it will work out for you too.

Love to all virgins
Crusoe
xxx

PS HFI - Panel will be fine, you have a fantastic s/w on your side - I should know!


----------



## mavis

Hi Crusoe,

What a truly lovely and wonderful post you have just shared with us.

I am crying.  Tears of joy and happiness for you.

We know the pain so well.

Thank you and may you have a fabulous time with your son.

How superb.

Lots and lots of love to you,

mavis x


----------



## Moppit

Crusoe my husband just walked in as I was reading your post and I had to read it out loud to him through the tears. I am so incredibly happy for you and cannot express in words how much the bravery of your story gives me hope. Our paths have been so similar, POF, failed Egg Donation at IM and I can only hope that mine has as happy an ending as yours. I know you will spend the whole night popping upstairs to look in the cot to pinch yourself that this has really happened but its true you are a Mummy at last and will now be a Mummy till your last days. Please keep in touch with us Virgins we want to know all your news.

Moppit x


----------



## popsi

hi ladies

i am sorry i have been a hopeless adoption virgin lately    things have been mad in my world last couple of weeks, DH has started a new job   ... timing not great but its an excellent job thankfully in this climate its been a big worry as he was previously in the car industry.

so between that and loads of homestudy work, caring for our dog after her operation and getting the house sorted i have not had much time to post

but i will read back and reply soon

mavis, cb, HIFI, moppit, kirstyn and everyone else


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Crusoe- i can say i have been there and felt that feeling of "its never gonna be me" and now am very proud like you to have my babies asleep upstairs - enjoy tomorrow morning waking up with your Son.

Hi to you all

xxx


----------



## Moppit

Hello Ladies

For the first time in 2 years (since being diagnosed with POF) I have had some good news. The social worker called this morning to say that they had their team meeting this morning and we have been accepted onto the adoption process. I know this is only a tiny step in what will be a long journey but I really feel like its the first time in a very long time that something has gone our way. We are booked on the next Prep Groups which are in early May so a while to wait but at least we are on the way.

Thanks for all your support. A small milestone but a significant one for us after all the disappointment of the last 2 years.

Moppit x


----------



## Daisydip

Hi everyone, I'm hoping to rejoin all you adoption virgins.  I was part of the original group back in February last year when I had initially enquired about adoption.
Very sadly my brother died suddenly in March so for obvious reasons the adoption had to be put off.  Howver in september we got back into it and attended the prep course in Devon.  Home study started in october and just 2 weeks ago we were finally approved!!!  

We are both very excited but finding it really hard to wait eventhough we have only been approved for a fortnight - I hope it doesn't take too long.

Its really interesting reading everyone's stories and I hope I can be some support to others and also get support from you guys.

I hope to post regularly from now on!!!

Daisyxx


----------



## curvycat

well we have had some official feedback finally! 

a letter saying that although we have passed there initial critera that I have to have an early medical before we go any further! 

Not what the sw had said would happen so a bit upset. never mind. 

must say I am nervous as our gp is a bit of a chump

well done moppit!!


----------



## Moppit

Kirstyn, so pleased you got your news today too. I am sure the medical is just a formality and you will be absolutely fine. The important thing is that you matched their criteria which means once the medical is done you can get on to a Prep group. Suspect you might be lucky and it will be before ours in May. Notice your ticker says you are happy and happy you should be, we have both taken a big step today and are one very big step nearer to achieving our dreams of being Mummys!

Daisy - Welcome! So sad to hear about your brother, you are incredibly brave. It looks from your ticker like the process has moved quite quickly for you so far so hopefully it will be the same with being matched.

Love to all the lovely virgins!

Moppit x


----------



## HFI

Hi ladies

Thanks for all your best wishes for panel on Monday    This weekend DH and I are going to answer some of the more difficult questions we could get asked so hopefully that will make me happier knowing I'm prepared  

Moppitt - I'm so pleased you have finally received some good news - Congrats to you and your DH.  Not too long to wait until Prep, May will be here before you know it (can you believe it's almost March!)

Kirstyn - So pleased you have officially heard as well.  Don't worry to much about your medical as Moppitt says you've been accepted and that's the most important thing  

Mavis - I hope your double session of HS has gone well this week.  I'm still not sure what I'll be wearing to panel but my SW said smart casual.  Not sure if my DH should wear jeans - are they classed as smart casual?  He will be wearing a smart top.  I don't want to go to dressed up either so not 100% sure.  Any suggestions?

Rhonda - All the best for Prep on 5th March - that's a week today  

Crusoe - You are right, I do have a lovely SW!  I hope things are going well at home and you're all having a magical time as a family.

Hope you are all ok and have a great weekend.  Anyone got any plans?  I'm going to see We Will Rock You tomorrow night in London - it's the Queen musical.  I've never really fancied it but my company were organising it so I thought "why not"!

Have fun whatever you're doing  

Love H x


----------



## HFI

Whoops sorry, just realised I missed Popsi and Daisydip.............they were listed on the back of my post it note  

Popsi - Good to hear from you, I hope your DH's new job is going well.  How is HS going, do you know how many more sessions you have left?

Daisydip - Welcome back to the thread    So sorry to hear about your brother, that must of been a very difficult time for you and your family.  It's good to hear you've been approved though - congratulations.  I hope it's not long before you are matched  

Right that's me done  

Love H x


----------



## Laine

HFI

Heaps and heaps of Good Luck wishes for Monday 

You'll be fine hunny x

Laine xx


----------



## mavis

Hi Everyone,

Moppit, That is great news, you must have a massive smile on your face and in your hearts. Bless you, not long either till your prep groups. Exciting times.

Kirstyn, I know your news feels tainted by the medical like mine did, I hope you get to go soon and as I said to you though it was just for me we felt like we were being persecuted but they do need to know, once they had satisified themselves it was all ok. I have everything crossed for you it will be ok. (Try and keep your mind focused on somethign and as time goes by it will be less at the front -yes still there nagging but not so forefront - massive massive hug to you)

Popsi, Hi, glad to see you on here again - hope all is progressing well with HS, glad to hear DH has a new job that must help ease your minds a bit - phew.

Daisy, Firstly, I just wanted to say that I am sorry to hear you lost your brother. Great news that you have come on and now been able to continue with the adoption process and now you are approved - I hope your wait is not long for you.

HFI, Good idea about running through questions before panel, with regard to the double session of HS - erm - it didnt happen again our SW has cancelled on us, this is the 4th time now!? so have not been a very happy bunny : ( thank you for asking though. I think dk jeans would be ok with a smart top, or cords or something. I dug you this out too - Camly was askign what to wear to panel and lots of people replied with what they wore etc, might help http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=171355.0 I guess it is personal because it is what you are happy and comfortable with. OOOOh ; )

This weekend we plan to do very little and hopefully spend it together alone. Has been a while for us! and work is hectic - so will be nice. Hope you enjoy we will rock - bet it will be great.

love to you all,

mavis x


----------



## Daisydip

Hi everyone and thank you for your welcomes.

Just thought i'd let you know what we wore to panel - I wore black trousers and a smartish top but felt totally comfortable - with boots.  DH wore brown cords, smartish t-shirt and smart shoes.  There were other couples waiting after us and one of theem had jeans on - I only noticed because we had had such a dillemma over what to wear - I think he looked smart though!  I think unless you turned up looking a toatl mess no one on the panel would ven notice what you were wearing - it is just so important that you feel comfortable

Any way let us kow what you do ened up wearing and GOOD LUCK xx


----------



## zen

Hi 
Can I join your thread please.  My story - diagnosed with cervical cancer in 07 at the age of 32, had fertility saving surgery but ended up in IVF.  All going well until last week when a routine scan has shown that the cancer has recurred.  So far I am being told thats its local and so can be treated.  However our IVF journey is over.  I suppose I am dealing with this ok as the initial diagnosis was so traumatic that we are now drawing on that experience to get through this.  It may seem quick to be looking at adoption but we considered this back in 07 and so it just seems a natural step.  

We have a hellish time over the next 6 months ahead of us but if I have something to focus on and look forward to then we will get through it.  

I have so many questions and dont really know where to start.  

zen
x


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Zen

I'm deeply sorry to hear what you have been through, it has been very tough for you, I hope that your recovery is a sucessful quick one.      You have come to the right place for support, I have made a lot of friends on FF's they have supported me through difficult times and know how to make you feel more positive about things, if you have any questions, please ask away, welcome to this thread.

Take care      

crazybabe


----------



## mavis

Hi Zen,

Welcome to the thread.

Sorry to hear you have been through a tough time and your you have just received what must feel like another blow.  Big   to you.

This site I am sure will prove very helpful to you at times and especially to help keep you focused and offer you support, as it has for me and many others I am sure as CB says.

Dont worry about your questions just fire away - we will help you where we can.

Wishing you both lots of love and luck on this journey.

mavis x


----------



## lou73

Hi everyone. Not been on this bit for a while. 

Hope everyone is doing OK and looking forward to the weekend. I know I am!! I feel a new pair of shoes needs to be purchased tomorrow!! 

Just a quick question to everyone - we have just started our home study. I wanted to know, is it 'normal' to have a visit each week? Is this quick or just usual? We have been told that there are no other couples waiting to adopt at the moment (!!??) and that the couples on our prep course all want school age children whereas we want a baby. We have had 2 visits already and are booked in for another 2 in the next 2 weeks!! 

Please help!


----------



## popsi

just a very quick one... lou our visits are weekly too, they are really keen to get us to panel ASAP so they can move onto the next few couples who have prep course next week, so thats all ok good luck


----------



## Dee Jay

hi Lou
Our homestudy visits were usually weekly, with the odd one fortnightly, we were assigned a social worker / began our homestudy at the end of May and went to panel in November, so it sounds pretty usual to me.

Sounds good that you're the only couple going through homestudy at the moment - hopefully you'll be matched and be a family soon.

Good luck with the home study - hope that you enjoy it,

lol
Dxxx


----------



## curvycat

Hi all!

We are off to london this weekend to see a show and do all the touresty things. I cant wait I lived in london for 5 years and never did anything touresty so it will be great to wander around. 

Feeling loads better now. Will just get the medical out of the way and face what ever challenges it throws up!


----------



## lou73

Thanks Popsi and Dee Jay - I'm really grateful for you clearing up the hs bit. She did write down all of dh's physical appearance yesterday. 

I didn't get the job I was interviewed for, but I am so glad! They wanted far too much from me for the extra allowance they were giving (it's not all about the money though, but I would only get half a day out of class to do 2 massive jobs in a really big school) I'm feeling quite relieved and have decided to put the job hunting on hold for now because I wouldn't be able to move schools til September and I don't think it would be a good idea to go somewhere new with the prospect of the adoption going quite quickly now!

Hope everyone has a great weekend - I'm off to treat myself to new shoes! Imelda Marcos has nothing on me!!!!


----------



## Moppit

Hello lovely ladies

Back to work today after a lovely long weekend in Spain, weather wasnt amazing but good to feel a bit of sunshine on our faces and to get away from it all for a few days. Lots of talking about our adoption journey and still feeling very positive after good news about prep groups last week.

I know its a way off for me but notice there has been some discussion about Home Study on here over the last few days and had a few questions as I'm meeting with HR today as the SW's requested informatino about my company's adoption leave policy and whether I would have to pay any money back if I did not return to work. 

1. How long does the HS take (ie how many sessions, how long are the sessions and  over how many weeks)

2. Were you able to get time off from work for these or did you have to take the days as annual leave - Is this up to individual companies or is there a government policy on time off for adoption before you actually get matched with a child.

3. Do you normally have a totally different SW assigned to you from the one that you have worked with in the initial interview etc?

Thanks for your help. Also have lots of Prep Group questions but will save those for another day.

Love to all

Moppit x


----------



## crusoe

Moppit
So glad things are movig forwards for you ... I knew they would. 

If I remember correctly we had about 8 homestudy visits plus a 2nd opinion visit at the end and a brief visit just prior to panel to clarify a few things. The 8 homestudy visits lasted about 1.5 -2 hours each. We had visits once per fortnight on a Wednesday afternoon which suited me as I wasn't working on Wednesdays. My DH's employer gave him the time but I'm sorry I can't actually remember which was in his or mine adoption policy. I do know they seemed to have been drawn up by someone who had clearly never been through the adoption process.
The number of sessions you will need will depend on what comes up during homestudy. Some people take longer than others simply becuase there is more in their backgrounds to discuss.
The answer to your 3rd question is yes we and all the others on our prep courses were assigned completelynew s/w's that none of us had met before but other places do do things differently I think.

Finally as for paying back money to your employer. Mine has a system where I can opt to take the money when going on adoption leave if I don;t go back then I must repay or (as I am doing) you simply choose not to take it until you have returned to work for a specific period.
Sorry this is a bit waffly - I am all over the place at the moment getting used to a very, very different kind of life!
Love to all Virgns
crusoe
xxxx


----------



## mavis

Hi everyone,

It is very quiet on here!

Sending out lots of          

And big big  to those that need them too.

Just an update form me: ha ha ha - nothing.

So annoyed, our Sw is off sick, so nothing going on. What has upset me the most is that every single one of our appts that was booked has now been cancelled due to illness or sickness so thats 50%, our appts were supposed to be 2 weekly but have turned into 3 - 4 weekly if that. Feeling better about it all now though.

Just I could find a very large rocket  !!!!

Has anyone else got any news?

Does anyone elses LA'd run support groups?, ours dont as far as I knwo but will find out when SW is back.

Take care all, lots and lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## HFI

Mavis I've got some news..............................

   * DH AND I WERE APPROVED YESTERDAY*   

We've been approved for 1 or 2 children aged 0 - 3 so it's all good news. Now the wait begins but I'm just going to make the most of the time DH and I have together before we become a family 

Hi to everyone else. Will post more in a few days, just a bit all over the place at the moment!

Love to you all.

H xx


----------



## mavis

HFI,



Now that is brilliant - Well Done you two.

How lovely, bet you are all over the place.

*BRILLIANT*

I cant wait till oyu come back on to tell us all about it.

Really really plaesed for you,

lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## Moppit

HFI this is utterly fantasic news. Congratulations!!!!


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hey ladies

HFI- congratulations on approval- make the most of everysecond you have as just a "couple" cos once matched you will forget who you are for a while

Mavis-Our LA do run a support group however its only for those post approval and its normally a theamed night - last one was a talk from someone from Adoption UK

xxx


----------



## crazybabe

HFI 

Congratulations to you both, it is such a lovely feeling ins't it being told yes your going to be parents (been approved) your on this waiting game with me now, it's awful just waiting for that phone call.

speak soon

crazybabe


----------



## Camly

HFI - [fly]fantastic news on your approval!!![/fly]

so very pleased for you both. keep us posted. x x x x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

HFI - wooohooo well done on getting approved   So pleased for you. You're officially a mum in waiting   Make the most of those lie ins and meals out while you can. Wishing you and CrazyBabe a short time until you're matched with your little ones. Hope you enjoyed We will rock you - we saw it in January. It wasn't what I'd expected it to be but we enjoyed it!

Moppit - well done on getting onto a prep course, you must be so glad to finally start the process  May will be here before you know it. Really good too that your LA got back to you when they said they would. It's 5 weeks since our initial visit and we're still waiting to hear from our LA   Spain sounds good - I think I can remember what sunshine and warmth feels like, but only just  

Daisydip - so very sorry to hear about your loss. It must have been a really tough time for you and your family.   It's lovely to hear that you're now approved and have the prospect of children of your own ahead of you now. I hope you don't have to wait too long. In the meantime I'm sure you'll be a great help to those of us following on behind you. 

Kirstyn - I hope your medical happens soon and your mind is put at rest   At least when it's done it'll be one less thing to do later in the process     How are you feeling otherwise? I hope you're taking things easy and had a fab break in London. 

Zen - so sorry to hear about all you've been through and are continuing to go through   Really hope everything goes well for you and you can start the adoption process soon. It will be lovely to chat and exchange tips along the way.

Lou - I hope your home visits are still going well. What wonderful news to know that you're the only ones waiting for pre-school children. Sounds like you won't have too long a wait after you're approved   So did you get some new shoes?   As you say it's prob just as well you didn't get that job - before you know it you'll be off to panel and waiting to be matched.   

Popsi - sounds like you're progressing well too if they want to get you to panel soon. Good luck with it  

Mavis - so sorry your home visits have been messed around. After waiting so long to get to this stage I'm sure you could do without any delays. I hope it's only a temporary glitch   

Crusoe - how's life as a Mum? Hope it's all going well  

Crazybabe & Camly - I hope you Mum's in waiting are doing ok and the wait isn't driving you  

Love to all, CG


----------



## mavis

Hi CG,

Hope things are ok for you, 5 weeks is quite some time - do you have a time set in your head when you might just them a wee chase up?  Did they indicat when you might hope to hear?

Thank you, fingers crossed it is.  She has been poorly for different reasons since we met her, her secretary called yesterday and said she will be back in 2 weeks.  So hopefully will know more then and can get a date and think about getting going again.

Thank you MJ for update on support groups, will defo ask SW about when back.

Off to see Confessions of a Shopaholic - looks quite good, I like any girly sort of things.  I have found while waiitng it is good to have long term goals but even better to fill in some of th gaps with treats and short term ones too - hence the cinema otherwise I think I would go out of my mind.

Good Luck and lotf od love to everyone        



mavis x


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hello ladies

I hope you dont mind me jumping on here but I was wondering if I could join you all?  I dont know if Im in the right place so will give you a little background info: Dh and I were extremely lucky to conceive our dd after 2 IUI and 2 ICSI tx in 2005, we feel completely blessed but would love another child and a sibling for dd.  We embarked on a further 2 tx's last year and sadly the latter ended in early m/c.  We feel strongly about expanding our family and the rewards adoption can bring to both parents and children so we have started a new chapter in our lives.  We are still in the very early stages and our initial meeting is this coming Friday so am both extremely nervous and excited.  I look forward to sharing this with you all..........

Cath x


----------



## mavis

Hi Tiger,

You are very welcome here, we all support one another.

There are also other ladies here with their own birth children too, so that will help from that perspective as well.

Exciting times aheead of you.  GOOD LUCK.

How are you feeling about the initial meeting? I am guessing you would have been to an open day/eve already.  If so did you have to wait long?

Look forward to sharing with you.

lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## MissSunshine

Just a really quick message........

HFI- Huge CONGRATULATIONS on being approved! Such wonderful news. Enjoy your hubby bedore the kids come and reclaim thier daddy!!!

Can't believe we've got our prep course tomorrow! Suddenly feeling very nervous!!!   

Speak soon, love to all, Rhonda.XxX


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hi Mavis - thanks for the welcome!!

We havent attended an open evening yet? not really sure how it all works? We sent our initial application off in January and I had to ring the department as I had not heard anything from them - apparently they had lost our application but gave them details over the phone etc. so I was told not to worry that they would bypass that and come out and meet us on Friday.  I know there are 3 prep courses running this year, one in March (day courses) one in June (evening) and one in November (day) so we are hoping that we can get on the June course, probably far too late to get on one this month but am sure I will know more on Friday.  Am feeling really excited but am nervous about making sure we are ourselves but also hoping we give them the answers they want to hear!!

Hi Rhonda - good luck for tomorrow, will be great to hear all about it.

Love Cath xx


----------



## Moppit

Dear Tiger

Welcome to the board! You are definately in the right place. The ladies on here are amazing and we are all able to support eachother and celebrate the milestones on the way to becoming parents. 

You arent far behind me and DH in the process. We had our initial interview a couple of weeks ago and heard last week that we have been accepted onto a Prep Group in early May. You are lucky you have the option to do yours in the evening, ours is 4 full days and we have to to take the time as holiday off work.

Rhonda - Good luck with the prep course - how many days is yours? Am beginning to think we are unusual in having a full 4 days for ours. 

MOppit x


----------



## Shoe Queen

Thanks Moppit! 

Great news about your acceptance, will be great to hear all about what I have to do from someone else    Well thats what I was told anyway about the evening courses but Im sure we will find out this week. It wont be a huge problem if it were day courses, both dh and I work (me 4 days a week and dh 6 days) but Im sure we can juggle something around!

x


----------



## mavis

Hi Rhonda, 

Great, GOOD LUCK, once you are in there you will feel a whole lot better.  Hope you enjoy them.  Quite tiring but great to be underway and loads of info and to meet new people in the same boat as you - exciting   .

Hi Tiger,

Looks like you may not have to attend one then, they will probably talk you through it all at home.  Bet you are so glad you called them!  Easier to say than do but try and relax and think of any questions too that you might like to ask them, maybe write them down and have a think about the sort of things that they will ask you.  Other than that GOOD LUCK.   Ours was a chat about the process and why we were adopting etc.

Exciting news keep us posted.

Lots and lots of love and    

mavis x


----------



## popsi

tiger honey.. welcome over this area, you know i am wishing you masses of luck for Friday, with regard to the open evening you wont have one as they dont do them in our area, so dont worry xx its unbelievable how different the system is in different areas x

mavis.. hiya how are you, well our social worker cancelled yesterday so thats 2 out of 5 she has cancelled now too so i know how your feeling it's so annoying, but we are moving in the right way, DH has his solo visit tomorrow, then next week, we have our joint visit at 9.30 on thursday then she is back at 4.30 for my solo visit !!! so that will be an exhausting day  !! hope you enjoyed the cinema i love girly books x big hugs to you darling xx

hifi.. woohoo congrats honey we knew it would all be fine, you are officially a mummy in waiting now  

rhonda, chocolatebutton, moppet, crazybabe, cotswold girl, calmy, kirstyn and all you other lovely ladies   

well my news has been covered above, we have to write a story about a typical weekend in our lives this week, so thats at least a nice fun relaxing thing to do xx


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## mavis

Hi Popsi,

Great to hear your news.

Things seem to be going well for you.

Lots of appts booked in   my yes Thurs your head will be spinning!

Off to cinema Sat hope its good! ice cream - yummy

Has Sw given you an indication for panel yet?

Your HW yes that sounds like a nice thing to do.

Lovely to hear from you,

lots of love and big   to you too,

Wont be long now  

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Hi Moppit,

Not long now, soon coming round.

Our Prep Course was 4 full days also we did a Thurs & Fri one week and the same again the following week.  In a way if it had of been evening we would have been super super knackered!  

Nice to hear things are moving.

Lots of love,

mavis x


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## MissSunshine

Just got home from a long day, off to have a shower then try and get an early night before tomorrow....... 

Moppit our course is a full 4days too!!! Tomorrow, Friday, Saturday and Monday, 9:30-4:30!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're going to knackered, but one step closer to our dream...

Night night all you beautiful Virgins!
XxXxXxX


----------



## Moppit

Hello Ladies

Feeling very sad, have just been out for dinner with one of my best friends and she told me that she's pregnant. Was not expecting it at all and struggled through the whole dinner trying to be happy for her and to ask the right questions whilst inside it felt like daggers and I actually struggled to eat my dinner I felt so sick with jealousy. I want so much to be happy for her but the feelings of jealousy and regret are overpowering. I had been wondering why it felt like she had been avoiding me and now understand that she was feeling terrible and dreading telling me. I feel awful that she had to feel this way too and a bit like a freak that no one feels they can share their happy news with. Does it ever get any easier finding out this news? Will there ever be a time when I can feel happy for my friends without feeling these horrible feelings of jealousy. Will adoption take the pain away of being reminded every day that I will never be pregnant?

How do you all cope

Moppit x


----------



## mavis

Hi Moppit,

BIG BIG  

I am so sorry to hear about your friend - for you.

In answer to your question yes it does get easier.  Over time and as you feel happier you are nearer to your goal.

Life is hard at times and I guess these things are sent to test us and are testament to our strengths of character and personalities how we find a way some way to get over it dust ourselves off and keep keep going.  Think of how happy you were you got through to preps and where you are going stay focused on your life - you are doing so well.

A way that may help you and has helped me is to think at each step you are a step closer to your dream.

I think the pain will only go away when we get our children, again I am so sorry you have had to feel this - you are not alone, you are in good company on here  

Over the last 4 months I have had 3 close friends give birth and it has done me in a bit but keep strong and take the positives where you can.  I think and I say I think because I do not know for sure, but unless oyu have struggles with IF and the pain it brings you cannot understand how it feels.  Don't be sad hold your head high for you and DH your dream will come and it will be worth it when it does 10 fold.

Bless you my sweet, I really feel for you as I know the pain so so well.

Lots and lots of love to you    

mavis x


----------



## Moppit

Thanks Mavis, didnt expect anyone to still be online and so nice to know you are out there and understand how I feel. Sometimes I wish we could reach out beyond the board and all meet up, it would be so nice to actually meet some people who can truly understand all the pain of going through this. Everyday I think I'm closer to getting past all the pain of knowing I will never be pregnant and then things like today happen and I realise I am miles away from getting over it. I long for a day where I don't have to feel this every day... x


----------



## mavis

Hi Moppit,

I dont think it 100% will ever go away, but your longing and need for a child will change.  Try and think of it in a different way - maybe like my child will be so special because it will be so wanted and will need a really good home and we can do that.  I am not trying to put natural conception down but to help us who cant - get over it, we do so want a child and we know the longing and the pain and the torture and the poor child in the care system really needs you too.  It will be very special.

Like you I wish we could all meet up.  There are LA's that do meet up groups and adoption uk does meet up groups.  But it might be worth considering some of us anyone that wants too meeting up somewhere in the middle.  I so know what you mean, it is nice to be wiht liek minded people.  My best friend whose son is now 8 weeks and also has 2 other lovely children does not know how I feel and I do not know how she feels.  It is hard for both sides.  

The main pain for us is the longing all I can say is that with IVF or any other tx or naturally we will never knwo but with adoption it will happen and that is for sure - it is just a matter of when.

Maybe we could see if anyone else would want to consider meeting up at a hotel for a weekend or day in the middle somewhere.

You are so so not alone the pain is accross this entire board right down to us.

All I can say is I know how you feel I really do   and like you long for when I do not feel it anymore.

Some days are worse than others and dont be hard on yourself you are allowed to be sad, hurt and grieve in pain.  This is normal please be nice to yourself.  You have done so well and are underway making good tracks.

mavis x


----------



## Moppit

I definately think we should instigate a meet up. Not sure where everyone lives who is currently on the board. I'm London, where are you?


----------



## mavis

Hi Moppit,

Ooooh London thats not too bad for me im in Kent, I know we have Birmingham, Wales, Lancs, Herts, Gloucs and more.

I am not a great organiser but maybe what do you think if people post and that they are interested we defo go from there   would be lovely.

If not I guess it will be me and you if you could put up wiht that  

Moppit, lovely,

mavis x


----------



## Moppit

Great idea. Other adoption virgins would any of you like to organise a meet up and if so where would people be happy to travel to?

Moppit x


----------



## mavis

Well count me in, and I will travel as far as Birmingham say.

anyone else?

Just a thought, if people say where ish they are from and where they would be willing to travel too that woudl help to make it fairer. x


----------



## Shoe Queen

Good morning ladies

Popsi - hello my lovely, hope you are well.  As I mentioned before I really dont know what is involved in the whole process from courses to open evenings?? really looking forward to finding out more tomorrow x

Moppit - I totally know where you are coming from hunny.  I know it may be slightly different for me as I have been blessed with a child however I became a complete recluse when I was going through tx, I lost touch with a lot of friends as they were falling pg all around me.  It became easier once I had darling Ruby however I have found myself back in the same boat when ttc a second child.  Again, I have lost touch with my friends and I know they all dread telling me they are pg.  My closest friend had 4 babies in as many years and I find it very difficult to speak/see these people whom pg happens so easily for.  I have become extremely bitter over the last few years because of infertility but am truly hoping that now we are on the path to becoming a bigger family its a step closer to getting rid of all those bitter feelings.  I hope it will be the same for you  

Mavis - How are you today chicks?

Rhonda - Hope all goes well for you today and above all enjoy it.

As for me, last day of work this week and will be going home to clean the house ready for the visit tomorrow - am slighty OCD so you can imagine I will be going frantic tomorrow!! Have bought in special choccie biscuits too!!!

xx


----------



## HFI

Hi ladies

Thank you so much for all your kind words and congratulations, it's lovely to know you are all soooo pleased for me.  Don't worry, before long you will have all reached the same milestone  

Tiger - Welcome to the adoption thread and good luck with your journey.  I hope your meeting goes well tomorrow and fingers crossed you get on the March or June Prep course  

Mavis - Sorry to hear you've really been messed about by your SW but good news she'll be back in 2 weeks.  How was Confessions of a Shopaholic?  Don't you just love girlie films?  I'm waiting for Marley and Me, it comes out next weekend.  Like a lot of people on this website, I have a dog and after my DH read the Marley and Me book, Hogan our labrador sounds like the same dog   Talking of films has anyone seen Slumdog Millionaire..............I loved it!

Rhonda - I hope your first day of Prep has gone well today.  Keep us posted.

Popsi - It's so annoying to hear you've been messed about as well with your SW    But good news you've got lots of appointments lined up.  Good luck to your DH for his solo interview today and all the best to you for next Thursday.  I'm sure you'll both be great  

Moppitt - Sorry to hear you've been feeling down after hearing about your friends pregnancy, I think every one of us on this thread can relate to how you are feeling.  I think in time, things do get better but I don't think "the feeling" ever fully goes away (not that we're ever allowed to tell our SW's that!).  Once our children arrive, I'm sure all the negative feelings we have will be a distant memory (I do hope so anyway  ).

Mavis I know you about panel, to be honest DH and I had a bit of a laugh.  We were 3/4 hour late going in (they were over running) and besides nearly knocking the chairman over   everything went well  We got asked how we found the process and a bit about contact but that was it really - nothing too difficult at all.  I had prepared for difficult questions but thankfully we didn't get asked any    Thanks for all your advice re: what to wear, in the end I wore black trousers and a flowery number on top! and my DH wore trousers, shirt and a jumper.  I think we looked smart  

In answer to last nights question, I am happy to meet up.  Not sure where half way would be for everyone but I would think London was quite easy to get to for us all ??  Although I'm not good on the underground so I'd have to pay for a taxi    I'm based in Herts.  Were you thinking just us girls or men as well?  Would our DH's be interested, I'm not sure actually.  Anyway, let's see what everyone else thinks.

Have a lovely evening everyone.  I'm off to a charity Sing A Long to Mama Mia night!  It's fancy dress and there will be drinks and nibbles.  I'm sure it will be fun  

Take care

Love H xx


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## curvycat

Just a quicky about meet.

Wouldnt London be difficult for those driving? I lived there for a few years and car's are not encouraged! 

I am up for partners. My other half and I loved meeting couples in the same possition as us through the adoption UK meets


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## Shoe Queen

H - thanks for the welcome, sorry I dont know too much about everyone at the moment - I assume the congratulations is because you have been approved? if so, yyyyyiiiiiipppppppeeeeeeeee CONGRATULATIONS!! I love films too, havent seen slumdog yet but it is in the pipeline..........

Kirstyn - hello

xx


----------



## mavis

Hi Everybody,

HFI, omg that's just what i would do and I would worry about it re: the chairman - oops   Your questions from panel seemed ok too.  Were they friendly looking and was it quite relaxed?.  Bet you are pinching yourselves at the moment  

Thanks for asking tiger, not bad knackered first day of 2 on First Aid course, quite good fun though but we did most of the practical today so draining! other than that just glad to be home and on here and able to catch up etc. ahhh.    OOh exciting about tomorrow, How are you feeling about it? GOOD LUCK x ps. i need soem cleaning done if you want to do anymore  

We can always meet just outside an area if it is ok and agreed, partners I dont mind either I think mine would be up for coming and that it would be company as well on journey (but either way if they didnt first tiem maybe they could next time - might be nice for us all tomeet first but I am open either way).  When I said halfway I know it is hard but I was trying to include some of you girls further up the country too i.e. Wales, as I would like to meet you - so need to be more open with this.  What do you think? anyone else interested? I think that I am realistic and that it needs to be workable for all of us wanting to.  If everyone that wants to says yes we can try and go from there, worst case scenraio we can do 2 or something!?

What do you say we leave it open for a week and everyone that is defo up writes it on here or sends me a pm? dunno just thinking out loud really as feel like we may never get there - then we can come up with some dates and if anyone else wanst to come we can go from there and we can try and sort out venue etc together.  Or does anyone want to take charge of this?

mavis x  

ps. I am off to shopaholic saturday, i heard about the marlie and me - and was v interested in it but do you know does anyting sad happen to the dog in it? i hate sad things to animals!!, yes ditto slumdog in our pipeline too.


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## curvycat

why dont we start a thread inviting all??

see who answers as it will be nice for the adopters to come as well as the almosts!


----------



## Camly

hiya all

hope you are well. just a quick one for me. i do keep reading all your updates. glad soooo many of you are all moving on nicely with the whole adoption process.

tiger - welcome. this thread is ace and everyone is lovely    

moppit - im sorry you didn tenjoy the meal with your friend when she told you her news.   i often wondered the same thing, if it would ever go away, the feeling you get when you hear someones baby news.  i must admit, i find the whole pregnancy situ the hardest to deal with - as in, i will never be able to experience that.  my best friend, who i was a bridesmaid for last summer has told me she is pregnant. i think i found it easier as i knew it was always gonna happen. she had told me they were trying.  i think what i am trying to babble about is, yes, it will get easier, not saying it will ever leave you but gets easier.  dont be too hard on yourself.  

as for the meet up - im in scotland so bit of a travel for me!    hope all you lovelies have a good time tho. x x x


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## mavis

Hi everyone,

Kisrtyn, Has done a new thread 'anyone up for a meet??' on the main adoption board, if you are up for it even if you have already said so on here please can you re post confirmation on there so we can keep count etc.

mavis x


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## Chocolate Button

keep my space warm. I wil be back. Having problems on the technical side at the mo but will be back asap.

Love to all. xxx


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## mavis

CB, Love to you my sweet, sorry your laptop still not sorted - dont worry we not forget you   , mavis x


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## Cotswold Girl

Dear all,

Well we chased our LA up and have finally got a bit of news! The SW who did our initil visit got back to us today and confirmed that a letter will be sent to us soon to invite us to apply. Still no news on prep course dates as they are "allocating places on the basis of adopters who are able to meet the needs of current children waiting receiving priority".  So a small step forward at long last  Was starting to think we'd need to contact another LA! 

Tiger  - welcome. I hope your initial visit goes well on Friday.   Let us know how it goes. 

Rhonda - hope the prep course went well today. How did you find it?

Moppit - so sorry you're feeling down sweetie    I really do sympathise    I'm sure you'll feel ok about your friend in a few weeks once the initial shock of her news has sunk in. It's horrible how other peoples good news stirs up all the old feelings you think have gone - it's always pregnancy news from close friends and family that hits me hardest. Can't imagine how horrible it was to have to sit though dinner though   I think (or is it hope) that this sort of pain at other peoples news will go when we are matched and bring home our own children.    I've been feeling a bit teary myself the last fews days - don't really know why (like you I thought I was doing ok) - it's probably all this waiting when everyone else seems to be just getting on with their lives...

Popsi - sorry your home visits have been messed around but so glad they rescheduled. 

HFI - your Mamma Mia night sounds great fun! I sing along to the soundtrack to the film on the way to and from work - cheers me up every time  

Mavis - hope you enjoy the film on Saturday. I love a good girls film too   Let us know what it's like. 

A meet up sounds great - think my DH would be up for it if we decide to invite other halves.


CG xxxxx


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## mavis

Hi Popsi, Just wanted to say sorry that i missed the bit about your appts being cancelled too!  grrrr, is v annoying - sorry bout that, it is so horrible isnt it.  Glad you appear to be underway again now though   x

Hi Rhonda, How are your prep gorups? hhope they are going well for you, bet you are feeling tired, halfway today   hope there is some nice peopl there too.

Hi CG,  Good to hear from you, glad you have got news   , I hope they send your letter out quite quickly so you can start moving again from there and hopefully get on these courses.  When Sw came out did she talk to you about the needs of the children waiitng at all? hopefully you can move on again soon.  Lots of love and luck to you.

How are you feeling Moppit? x

Sendign big love + luck     out today to my friend you know who you are  

HFI, Let us know how the Mamma Mia night went? bet it was a hoot. I dont go on the undergorund systen either, scares me!

Hello to everyone else too, hope you are al ok.

mavis x


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## Moppit

Morning Ladies

Thanks for all your lovely messages. Feels so much better to know that I am not alone in finding pregnancy news amongst close friends very, very hard to deal with. I am feeling a little better as I think the shock has warn off although I still feel sad and of course, as you all point out, it rears those feelings again which we all try to keep away of the sadness of missing out on the experiences our friends will have. I also worry that I will grow apart from all my friends as they experience something I cannot relate to or advise them on and that hurts too. Still I felt good enough yesterday to write her a nice letter saying how happy I was for her and how much I still wanted to be involved in her pregnancy so I hope she will feel she can continue to talk to me about it.

Rhonda - Have been thinking of you this week. Let us know how the Prep groups are going.

Hi CG you are around the same stage as me, hope you get the letter and a date for Prep Groups soon.

Popsi - Sorry your HS dates have been messed around, must be so frustrating. Keep hanging in there, you are at the final hurdle...

Question for you ladies who have done Prep Groups. Mine are 4 days as you know and we have a weekend in between. I'm supposed to be going on a hen do the weekend between the 4 day group and wondered whether I should cancel. I know I will be tired which I can deal with but wondered if we will have homework we need to focus on over the weekend. Let me know what your experiences were on this.

Anyway love to you all and have good weekends. We are off to Somerset to stay with friends so that DH can do some cycle training - he is cycling from Lands End to John O Groats in June with his Dad - completely mad!!!

Moppit x


----------



## curvycat

Hi girls

I have now had my medical and so will have to wait to see what the medical examiner has to say. 

Dr was actually quite lovely and warned me that they may question my weight and BMI but put on the form that I was trying to lose weight and adopt a healthier lifestyle. She was quite sympathetic regarding the hoops we adopters need to jump through and felt that most of the form was a waste of time and unnecessary! 

I have a childhood skeleton that she also mentioned on my form but otherwise it was all pretty painless! Bless her she even apologised as she feels that bad memory's will be stirred up and gone over time and time again!

She put that in her opinion there was no medical reason that I could not adopt so hopefully I should pass!

I feel exhausted! Had to go to bed yesterday at 9.30 with a throbbing head that has now gone. How long did people wait to find out if they had "passed" the medical??

We have a really busy weekend. Out with other half's friends tonight so that I can get to know the wives better before the wedding. booking the wedding date and arranging details with Mum tomorrow and then out for her birthday and then to a wedding show on Sunday! We have booked Negril for 22 in October and it is already doing my head in!!!!! All I really want to do is lie on the sofa with my man and watch films! 

What plans do you all have??


----------



## Moppit

Kirstyn - glad the medical went well, I think it is ridiculous that they can have problems with a person's weight. How can that have any impact on you being a good parent... makes me angry all the hoops that have to be jumped through when there are children desperately needing homes! Sounds like the doctor was very positive though and I'm sure you'll sail through with flying colours.

Really exciting about the wedding, once you have the big bits organised - venue, date etc then you can start to enjoy all the fun bits. I got married 2 and a half years ago and can remember the stress of it all but I promise its all worth it and so good that you have such a big happy event to look forward to this year!

Sun is shining in London so spirits raised. Day dreaming of a day when I'll be at the park with my children enjoying the sunshine instead of sitting in an office!

Moppit x


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## curvycat

Its really strange about the weight because I am working at home and had this morning on.... what comes on TV but the chap in Leeds who had to lose weight before they would start the process!! 

A very balanced interview that highlighted the variables in authorities!


----------



## popsi

Hi ladies 

Kirstyn glad you have had your medical i am sure it will all be fine it says on the form its only if your grossly overweight should it become an issue  , enjoy your wedding preparations I love weddings so much, (obviously thats why i work in the field  ) they make me so happy xx

Moppit.. we did not have much homework at all, nothing that would take longer than an hour or so to do, so my advice to you is to go out to the hen party and have an absolute ball you will have deserved it  

Tiger.. how did it go to day  , hope Janet was lovely and you got to have lots of answers and are going to proceed as your plans xx come and tell us we are a nose bunch we like to know it all x

Hfi.. hope you enjoyed mamma mia .. i loved it we seen it on our honeymoon it was fab, i love all the shows in london though so maybe i am biased lol

mavis.. how are you doing, hope you enjoy your film the weekend, when is your next visit, how are you getting on with all the work, you were doing really great before so i am sure your well ahead of what they expect xx have a lovely weekend

cotswold girl. chocolate button, calmy and everyone else big big    to you all

Well as for us, yes i was bitterly disapointed when our visits seemed to be messed around all the time, but we have now pinned our social worker down and booked in weekly until April 7th and this should be our last one before panel in (hopefully   _ May !!!!! so wow we are happy, she said she is very pleased so far and there are no concerns being flagged up at all, so    it all stays that way

Right off for some tea now, had a really sh!tty day in work today, so gonna open a bottle of wine later xxxx


----------



## mavis

Hi Kirstyn,

I bet you do feel exhausted big hug  to you.  

As I said to you on email for me, take comfort in the fact she said she could see no reason she didnt think youd make a suitable parent.  

She is the professional, they have asked her for her professional opinion, she has given it - and this should be good enough for them 

I have found that that worry.... seems to always be there I think that it is the adoption process, well for me it is and it hasnt left me yet and when it does oh my it will be so nice, but I am sure that worry will then become the worry for the children with any luck we have placed in our care.

Our medical was 4-6 weeks for us to hear, I cant say for sure as I cant remember but we didnt get a yes or no, just a confirmation letter that they had received them and then a month or so later invited to the prep groups so asumed it was ok, the onyl other thing was for us their medical examiner wanted a few things clarifying with me, so SW came and had a chat  - that was it.(It may be worth calling your LA after 4-6 weeks to make sure they have got it back ok - of course if you dont hear first!)

GOOD LUCK with all the wedding stuff + keep your sugars up.  Negril sounds lovely.  

Hope you enjoy tonight.

We are out for a meal tonight also, knackered after 2 day first aid course, then rest of weekend cleaning up the house and catching up with some work due to the days on this course!! x

So glad it is done for you.  Bring on the next step.  Hope you get soem more replies to your post on the main board as I know there have been other early medicals.

Have a good weekend,

lots of love,

mavis x

ps. wished Id seen that on tv this am


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## curvycat

It was definately worth watching. 

I had thought he was refusing to lose weight but he has lost a fair bit. Good on him! 

I really hope that all the publicity doesnt go against them as i think they look like they would make great parents

Enjoy your meal Mav!!


----------



## mavis

Hi Everyone,

Well we have now completed our 2 day first aid for early years to hopefully add some more power to our arm for the adoption.  Phew are we knackered, I am trying to catch up but have decided now I have done the worst bits work can wait till the rest of the weekend.  I have come on here to catch up and see how everyone is - I love this board it is a life line to me as are all you ladies on it that hep us stick together and give strength.

I hope you are all ok and have a nice weekend?

Moppit, I know what you mean when you see people out there in the park wiht their kids, I too cant wait for that to be us   lovely.  How are you feeling now?

Popsi, You are going great guns girl and panel in May and SW has given you some positive feedback too how lovely - Well done you two x.  Well it was 2 weeks ago our visit was cancelled and she is off yet for another week plus a few days I think so hopefulyl will get a new date after that.  There is little we can do about any of it but hopefully she will be better then.  We are also going to ask if it would be possible to catch up.  But I guess the easier thing to do will be to ask her what she thinks our time frame is.  

Tiger, Hope you got on well today? and you are ok.

Well I better go for now,

Hope you all you ladies have a good weekend.

Lots and lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hello everyone

Just a quick one from me Im afraid no personals, have been reading but will catch up tomorrow.

Meeting went really well, Janet was so lovely, she was here about 2 hours and she was really happy with us and everything so we are booked on the prep course for June so am really excited now.

Sorry to dash, gotta cook dh's tea!!

Catch up tomorrow.  Hope you all have a lovely evening.
xx


----------



## popsi

tiger

thats brilliant glad it went well, told you she was lovely ... june will be here before you know it now

xx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi Mavis - We're hoping the letter comes quickly too with an application form. To be honest we didn't ask about the sort of children they have waiting at the moment but I'm guessing they must be older than we said we'd want to consider. I know the LA is very short staffed at the moment too so I can't really blame them for just dealing with who they need to at the moment. Knowing when the prep course might be would help even if it isn't for a few months. Just want a date in mind! 

Tiger - great news on your initial visit and that you've been given a date for your prep course already. You must be super excited  

Kirstyn - so glad you've had your medical already and the dr was encouraging. I hope you hear soon that you're on a prep course     Wonderful too that you've arranged your wedding - you'll have to keep us updated on your plans. 

Popsi - great news on panel in May -   things go smoothly for you from now on. Great too that your SW is saying positive things too - all sounds very encouraging. 

Moppit - hope you have a lovely time in Somerset. Is your DH mad ?! I'm tired at the thought of that distance cycling. My DH keeps threatening to get bikes for us so we can get some exercise at the weekend.   

Mavis - DH and I will prob do a first aid course. I'm no good with blood though! Will we see any on a course? Even if it's ketchup I could end up flat out and find I'm the one they're resuscitating.  Hope you enjoy the film at the weekend.

We're off car hunting tomorrow then out for a meal with friends. Off to relatives on Sunday - nephew's 2nd birthday party so hopefully jelly and cake! 

Have a great weekend all, CG xxxx


----------



## Shoe Queen

Good morning ladies

Thank you all so much for your well wishes.

CG - good luck with the car hunting - are you looking for anything in particular? Enjoy your meal too!

Pospi - thanks hun, the SW said they run 3 courses a year, March, June and November so I assume you are in the same area? The June course is run in an evening 7pm-9.30pm every Monday in June. When I heard the statistics yesterday it was encouraging to hear that they always find a match for people wanting to adopt but terribly sad to hear that there are so many children out there wanting families and some are deemed unadoptable due to their history/problems - really is awful and it has made me feel more strongly towards it now.

Mavis - so glad your first aid course went well - they are always so draining. Hope you have a relaxing weekend.

Kirstyn - so glad your medical went well - I agree I think its ridiculous that they go on BMI, that should not affect your ability to parent!

Moppit - hope you are feeling a little brighter today hun?

Camly - thank you for the welcome, I have so many questions Im sure you will all be able to help me 

A big hello to Chocolate Button  and HFI

I hope I havent forgotten anyone!

Off to my mums this morning to give her the low down on everything yesterday. Last night dh and I talked for ages about the process and he is so excited its lovely to see actually as he doesnt get enthusiastic about much! Ruby was so funny yesterday though - I think because we were talking and she wasnt centre of attention she wanted it to be made known she was there - she kept sining, dancing, she was even rolling her eyes at the SW at one point as if to say 'what the heck are you talking about' at one point she did a massive bottom burp that went on for ages - how embarrasing however she did say 'excuse my windeze' then she wanted the SW to see her new bedroom and as we were busy in conversation she decided to bring her pillow and her bedding into the lounge and proceeded to lie there pretending to be asleep!! She also kept drinking water from the SW glass and laughing and stole most of the choccie biscuits - honestly she is normally so well behaved I could have died!! Apart from all that though she seemed to like us so not all bad!!!!

She asked us what we would like i.e. boy or girl but we are not bothered would be happy with either and she seemed to think it would be better to match us to a boy as we already have a girl she seemed to think opposite sex would work the best - we are pretty much in their hands, we really dont mind and will be guided by the SW so am happy for them to make the judgement.

How about you ladies?


----------



## mavis

Hi Everyone,

Hope you are all having a nice weekend.

CG, Yes I agree with you about the knowing about the prep course dates, I always finds it helpful just to put a time line persepctive on things then you have a rough idea in your head how long the wait will be then.  hope you get it soon in the post    

Our first aid course was an early years one and we didnt see any blood except for a small bit, I knwo there was someone there that didnt like blood and they mentioned this to the trainer first and he ensured we didnt see a lot and we didnt, the most i sa was a couple of small clips with bumps to the head and an arm.  i find all that stuff a bit gross - made me feel a bit sick a couple of times but i just detached from it in the end!!! (whats new!!)

Good luck you car hunting!!! and nephews b'day hope ti goes nice for him, will ahve to let me know how you get on xx

Tiger, Glad it went well for you Friday you sound on cloud 9, it is nice when D's feelings match yours, I am terrible I am always trying to go ovber it all again, in my fantasy world, i just cant wait.  Bless Ruby, they know what children are like and probably enjoyed seeing you both with her at home and how you are as a family too.  take care and hope you get to hear back soon.

lots fo love to everyone    
mavis x


----------



## mavis

Hi all,

So we went to see confessions of a shopaholic it was good, it wasnt/isnt goign to be one of my favourite chick flicks, I would say it was quite young and not a fab story line but none the less was done well, was nice + good acting, it was so lovely to go out for a change.

Next one on the list is Marley and Me saw that in the ads running up to it, it does look good and as you say if you are a dog lover then will be even better  

Other than that had a lovely walk with the dog this am accross the old airfiled, supermarket shop, cleaned house, done my frigging dvd - got a new one and it kills, but is prob a good thing!

Got a lovely roast tonight, omg cant wait just put the joint in - yummmmmm x

Hope you are all ok and have had a nice weekend.

Lots of love,

mavis x


----------



## Rossi

Hello everyone,
I was hoping I could join you!  
DH and I started out on our adoption journey in Jan of this year - we have since had two visits from a lovely Social Worker. One visit was to explain the process and then she came last week when we completed a number of forms. CRB, medical, application to adopt and two others - can't remember what they were now. I was just wondering how long in takes to get these initial checks done - we have no issues regarding anything we have filled in so hopefully they will come back quickly?   The next Prep courses are in May - the Social Worker has told us the dates as she wants us to get on them! She did say the checks would need to come back first though. She has also asked me to start an adoption diary that will be used before we go to panel. She said to put in this books read, research done, people spoken to etc... Was just wondering if anyone else was asked to do this? 
We also didn't realise that we would have to let them know our referees already - not that it is a problem it's just we have had to tell more people that we are wanting to adopt!  
Hope to speak to you all again soon.
Zoe x


----------



## curvycat

welcolm Zoe.

Well I have had a wedding full weekend! 

Yesterday had a nightmare at the travel agents! Bleeding sales people! And I can say that as I have been in sales for the last 15yrs! I think the day is booked but we have to wait for them to confirm. Wow maybe they went to the same school as sw's  

Today went to a wedding fair. Was dreading it but actually had a good time. My bf's littly is going to look gorg and will definately take the limelight away from me   Going to the NEC next weekend and then out with my friends for a few drinks so need to save my energy in preperation

I do think that you were all right and this will actually help take my mind off all the waiting around involved with adoption. I was not very keen and I am only getting married to please my amazing other half but I am getting quite excited now.   This should go down in record as I hate admiting I am wrong! 

I think I will do that film as a DVD Mavis. I do fancy the doggy one though.

Mr Kirstyn is cooking my dinner right now and I am lay on the sofa like lady much! He did all the housework as well while I was at the show! 

This is the life  

Hope you all have had a good weekend


----------



## mavis

Hi Zoe,

Welcome, I am sure you will find it helpful here.  Sometimes it is just nice to know people can relate to you and how you are feeling    I love this thread.

I dont think your checks wil take too long, we were told CRB's are generally 4-8 weeks but depending on disclosures workload etc can vary, so i hope that you will not have to wait too long now.

May is not too long now for prep courses, exciting times   .  We didnt have to do a diary but know people that ahve done, I think it is quite a good idea really.  There are allsorts fo books out there, have you managed to read any yet? when you get to prep I think they may recommend one or two then.  With regard to people spoken to you could mention us when yo meet up or any other adopters oyu know.  You will get lots of experinece and knowledge as you go along - so I hope you are not worrying.  

Hi Kirstyn,

Glad you enjoyed today, sounded great, I wish I could do mine all again, bet you are nearly dead on your feet, glad you are having a bit of a pamper from DH   , i am also pleased there are some more people for meeting up, I am happy with wherever but may post it to bump it up at some point.  Enjoy all the relaxing you deserve it.

Take care, hope everyone is well.

Lots of love and luck,

mavis x


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## Carol 36

Hi all

I hope you don't me joining in your thread if not too late!!!

Hope everyone has had a good weekend, me & dh have been sorting out outlaws garden all weekend, still it looks nice now and they are happy, so job done. Well for while at least.

Mavis thanks for the heads up on the Shopaholic film, may wait for it to come onto dvd. Defo up for Marley and me, I read the book a while ago, made me cry so best take a box of tissues to the film!!!

Well hope this week is kind to us all and brings good news/progess to our journeys.

Love & hugs
xxx


----------



## lou73

Hi everyone, not been on for ages so just been having a quick catch up.
Mavis - think I will wait for Shopaholic film on DVD too - have read all the books, nothing like a trashy read to escape! We have a box full of trashy novels in the staff room at work to swap. Great! 

Kirstyn - hope the wedding planning is going OK and not too stressful - it's definately worth it though! I'd do it all again (just want to wear my dress again!) Fingers crossed for the medical - it's really annoying all the 'hoops' we have to jump through! I'm sure it will be OK. 


Carol36 - you wouldn't be free to do our back garden would you? Not been able to get out into it since May!! We had lovely decking put in, but have never been on it as it has rained or been too wet every day since! Wonder if we will get marked down on it in our risk assessment of the garden! 

Zoe - hi and good luck!

Tiger - hope the prep course went OK.

CG - Did you see a car you liked? Mine has decided to start playing up, it's been so well behaved this past 6 months or so!!

Hi to everyone else and hope all is going OK on adoption front!

Had my visit on Thursday (just me and SW) and we discussed my childhood etc. I unfortunately let slip that I had done some voluntary work for 7 years, but stopped when I met dh because it was too far to keep travelling. The SW said I would need a reference for this too!! So that means I need 5 references!! 3 personal, one from my boss cos I work with children and the voluntary one because I worked with teenagers! Does this seem fair? I just explained that it was a while ago and the people in charge of the groups had retired ages ago so was no longer in touch! Is this a bit over the top?

Got our next 2 visits booked in, so quite pleased about that. the thing is though, the SW never eats my biccies!! I think I might try cake next week! 
Been on my wii fit tonight - brilliant! 
Going to catch up with 24 now! Almost catching up!!!
Have an enjoyable start to the week!


----------



## Tarango

Hi Lou, 

In reply to your Q about references - we have had 15 all together and for some had to do a lot of 'detective' work to find out addresses etc ... the general ones we had to have 8 between us - 6 friends and 2 family. We also had a work one each even though neither of us work with children (well I ended up with having to have 2 as I moved departments within the company) and also an ex had to write one. 
Where I volunteer (not with children - I am an assistant treasurer and have no contact with any 'clients' at all   ), they had to write one. 
Where I am at the nursery (volunteering at the moment - fair enough) - I also did a bit of helping out in a school about 100 years ago and I had to track down the teacher to enable to LA to send a reference   
I was a bit miffed at the time but now think that it all helps when you go to panel (with our 15 references!!) - do feel we have been 'referenced' by every man and his dog sometimes!!

Currently at home waiting for second opinion SWer to arrive -eeek!!

Hello to everyone - can't think of everyone's names but you know who you are!!

xxxxx


----------



## Shoe Queen

Good morning ladies

Am back at work today and am shattered!! Spent all day yesterday working for my boss (a favour) so feel as if Ive not left the place!!!

Mavis - well done you for getting through the first aid course - like you, I am rather squeamish so dont think I could have watched all that stuff!!!  sounds like you had a busy day yesterday - hope you enjoyed your dinner!!!

Zoe - hi, I am also a newbie here!! look forward to chatting with you over the coming weeks - and comparing notes!!

Kirstyn- sounds like you had fun at the wedding fair - how exciting - do you have anything special in mind?

Carol - hi, Im also new here!!!

Lou - fab news on getting your visits booked.  I also bought in special choccie biscuits for the SW and different teas and nice coffee but all she wanted was a glass of water!! they didnt go to waste though, dh and dd ate them all!!! I am also a WII fit fanatic - I am completely addicted to it  I cant get enough of super hula hoop and step plus!!!!

Tarango - good luck today with your visit.

Hope everyone is ok today!!!

Cath xx


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## Moppit

Morning Lovely Ladies

Hope you all had lovely weekends. We had a good time in Somerset, DH went out on his bike for hours and I did lots of country walks with the dog (not our dog sadly, still trying to persuade DH on that one...). Whoever asked me if DH is mad, he is... totally, he is always doing crazy running and cycling races but he loves it so I don't mind, also quite fun going to watch although I won't be following him too much on the Lands End to John O Groats race he is doing... too far!

Really interested by the discussion around references, we obviously arent at that stage yet but its good to get informed. Out of interest do you get to choose your family/friends references or do they ask for specific ones ie your friends with children vs other friends without, your parents vs your siblings etc. Also interested around the work references. I'm currently doing some volunteer work with Brownies (yes you are speaking to 'Snowy Owl') so assumign they will be asked but my DH doesnt have any child care/volunteer experience will this count against him I wonder? 

Welcome to all the newbies you are definately in the right place!

Moppit x


----------



## emm-anj

just thought I'd come on here and say "Hi" as I'm also new (ish) to the process, although have been on here asking lots questions before now.  And will be asking more and more as we carry on through the process no doubt.

Hope you all had good weekends, ours went by in a flash 

back again shortly 
Emm x


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## Shoe Queen

Moppit - you sound like you had a lovely weekend, know what you mean about dh, mine is also an adrenaline junkie - mountain biking, motorbiking, surfing, khaking - you name it he does it!!!

Emm - Hi, snap, am also new so will probably drive everyone mad with my questions too!!!

Still having a busy day and waiting for 5pm to roll around.......................


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## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ladies

About Refs- Each LA/VA ask for differant things- for us it was 2 friends, one had to have known us as a couple for 5yrs the other 3yrs, 1 family ref (face to face) and any other refs we wanted to do (paper refs)

We had 2 friends without children as our ref's and funnily enough they both found out they were preg the same day (one is a FFer) which was 7weeks after we were approved adopters.

DH bro did a letter ref and spoke to our SW over the phone as we had his girls alot since birth ( i mean weekends and weeks on end) and also we are their guardians (which was questioned at panel however we are still their guardians-think panel saw this as a positive as we didnt just "drop them" cos we got our own children)

A friend of mine who i have known for 13yrs now did a lovely letter ref for us (made me cry- happy tears)

we dont work with children so didnt need a work ref

Good luck ladies and dont worry (easy said now!)

xxx


----------



## mavis

Hello, how are you all?

Carol, you are very welcome on here with all of us    - I love the gardening too - bit hooked!

Tarango, will ahve to let us knwo how the 2nd op visit goes? x

Tiger, Lush lush dinner thanks, woke up in the night dry as a bone! too much salt I guess - was so yummy though, just thinking about the next intake!!!  

Moppit, Glad you had a good time away.  

Emm-anj, good to have you on here too - welcome  

Kisrtyn, so glad you started the thread on the meet up, cant wait - glad you wedding plans are going well, have you heard back form travel agent yet/.

lots of love and luck to you all  

mavis x


----------



## MissSunshine

Hi all  

Just thought I'd touch base...........
Today was our final day of prep, and we are really sad we are not going back again tomorrow!  We had the most fantastic time!!! The social workers running the course had a huge amount of knowledge to share with us. The main SW had also adopted herself, so she could see things from both perspectives.

All off the feeback we got throughout the 4days was all so positive!!! And on many occasions they have said to us that they think we are going to make wonderful parents.............       BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So now the waiting starts..... We will hear from them by next Tuesday at the lastest with regards to our next step. Both DH and I are feeling so optimistic, and really can't wait to get to the stage of bringing home our babies!

Must go and eat something now, I'm starving.

Hope you're all well,
Love Rhonda.XxX


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## curvycat

wow Rhonda that must feel great 

well done you two


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## Carol 36

Evening All

Looking forward to meeting some if not all at you when we decide on our meet up.

On the reference not we had to supply 4 each only on of which could be the same, but they had to be friends only not family. Plus they will be contacting our work.

Sorry Lou- As for gardening I don't mind it but would say I have any skill at it, my outlaws was just full of empty pots and weeds, so just a clearing job really- 3 trips to the tip later.  I don't think my father in law is too impressed not as he has only has empty flower pots and beds, he said there were plants there, but all looked like weeds to me!!Oops 

Mavis will have to get tips from you on gardening xx

Woww Rhonda what a boost hearing all positive feedback you must be chuffed and excited about the next stage.

  to all
xx


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## Shoe Queen

Morning ladies

Rhonda - fantastic news!! sorry to hear you will be sad to not be going back but you must feel so positive about everything right now! Hope you had a good evening.

MJ - thanks for the information, Im sure we will find out more about references as we go along.

Mavis - did you have a good evening?

Kirstyn -  

Carol - 

Hope everyone is ok - feel a bit in limbo now - how did you girls manage to pass the time before moving onto the next stage! 

Cath xx


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## Moppit

Morning Lovely Ladies

Tiger - Like you I'm in Limbo at the moment but considering its already March this year is going reasonably quickly so June will be here soon. I'm going to try and spend the time between now and May when our Prep groups are trying to read as much as possible and to meet with other adoptive parents so we know as much as possible. 

Rhonda - Your Prep groups sound fantastic and so pleased they went well. One more hurdle crossed and excited to hear what your next steps are.

Have started some date suggestions on the meet up thread and am goign to keep a spreadsheet (yes I know I'm a geek) so that we can work out which date the most people can do. Please go on to the meet up thread and record the Sundays you can do between April and June.

Moppit x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Moppit

Your not a geek- this is something i have done before when arranging meet up's however to save you time i have done you a "poll" which will show the most popular dates - this poll is on the orig meet up thread.



Moppit said:


> Have started some date suggestions on the meet up thread and am goign to keep a spreadsheet (yes I know I'm a geek) so that we can work out which date the most people can do. Please go on to the meet up thread and record the Sundays you can do between April and June.
> 
> Moppit x


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## Moppit

MJ you are a star. I wondered if there was a way to set up a poll or spreadsheet on the site but couldnt work out how to do it. This will be much more simple! Thankyou


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## ♥ M J ♥

Moppit said:


> MJ you are a star. I wondered if there was a way to set up a poll or spreadsheet on the site but couldnt work out how to do it. This will be much more simple! Thankyou


Your welcome- thats what us mods are for-to help out where needed

x


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## Shoe Queen

Hello ladies

Just wanted to say that as much as i would love a weekend away/day out I probably wont be able to make the meet - difficult for me as dh works 6 days a week and we only have a Sunday together - not normally a problem as I could arrange for MIL or mum to have dd however we are pretty jampacked April have something on pretty much most weekends and May is also busy - my birthday, dh birthday, our anniversary, a wedding and we are going away 18th of May so apologies - Im sure you will all have a fab time - please post some pics!!!!!

xx


----------



## HFI

Hi ladies

I only feel like I've been away a few days and sooooo much as been posted...........it's great  

Mavis - Your First Aid course sounds great, it's exactly what I want to do.  I've been on the internet and it appears to be a 3 hour course, did I remember reading yours lasted days??  Definitely go and see Marley and Me but you did ask if it's sad - in a word YES.  My MIL went to see it in Australia over Christmas and said EVERYONE in the cinema was crying.  Hope you enjoyed your roast at the weekend.........yummy!

CG - So pleased to hear your SW finally got back to you, I hope you've now received your confirmation letter.  I loved Mama Mia thanks, we all dressed up and it was for charity so all good fun.  Did you buy a car at the weekend?

Rhonda - Sounds like you really enjoyed your Prep course, we did too.  Fingers crossed you receive some positive news before next Tuesday  

Kirstyn - Great news you've now had your medical and your Dr was lovely and could see no reason why you shouldn't adopt    So pleased to hear your wedding is booked, I LOVE weddings.  What date do you get married?  I'd love to get married again.  In fact on the day we were approved my DH told me he wanted to buy me an eternity ring...............I of course accepted - love him  

Moppitt - Sounds like you had fun in Somerset.  My DH is mad on exercise too, he cycled from London to Paris quite a few years ago and done the London Marathon a couple of years ago............what's wrong with these men!  My DH and I didn't have to do any childcare references so don't worry too much.

Popsi - Good news you have weekly visits booked with your SW until April and have a panel date in May    You said you work in the wedding field - what do you do?  I'm jealous  

Tiger - Great news you're going to be on the June Prep course.  Quite a lot of my friends are into Wii Fit, I've never tried it.........I'm more of a Sing Star girl!

Zoe - Welcome to the thread, look forward to hearing all about your journey.  Good luck with your Prep course in May.  We didn't do a diary but our county do another course after Prep so I think that probably helped us just as your diary will help you.

Carole - Welcome to you too and good luck with your journey.  Don't feel bad about crying at Marley and Me, my DH did too  

Lou - Glad to hear you have some visits booked.  Don't worry about your SW not eating your biccies -  at least you offered, we never did    That's quite bad isn't it!!

T - Blimey you did have to do a lot of references, we only did 7 in total.  I hope your second opinion visit went well yesterday, let us know.

Emm-anj - Hello again    Hope you're ok?

Hi to Camly, Crusoe and anyone else I've missed - hope you are all ok.

Love H xx


----------



## Tarango

Afternoon ladies  

I am home nice and early as I've been doing some random training and they set us free just after 4  - hurrah!!
Next door to us had a Wickes delivery at 7.15 this morning - looks like a new kitchen .... although in general I am quite nosey, I only really took notice of it as the lorry was blocking our driveway and they had to raise the tail gate thingy so we could leave ... I would like to see what they do though!!   

Big hi there and hello to Camly, Mavis, HFI, MJ, Popsi, Moppit, Emm-anj, Lou73, rhonda, Kirstyn, Cotswold girl  and anyone else I may have not mentioned   

and a big welcome to Tiger and Carol36  

We had our second opinion yesterday - very, very informal and painless - we were asked a few general things and given some general advice and recommended a book to read and that was it! Normally DH is quite quiet in the beginning of these meetings but there was no stopping him yesterday !! 
Just need Swer to write up her report on yesterday and then we are set to be put in for the next available slot   
  it will be in April 
Currently feeling quite buoyant and thinking the finish line for this particular bit is coming closer then on the the big wait ....

Hope everyone has a good evening 

love 
T
xxx


----------



## mavis

Hi everyone,  Hope you are all ok and weeks arent going to badly so far -  

Lots fo activity on here, struggling to keep up!

On the references we had to do 7 plus one child care and one young adults with disabilties as where I have worked also.

Rhonda, glad it went well for you on prep and you enjoyed it  

Carol, yeh I love gardening used to have an allotment as well but took up too much time as was a car drive away too - I love it - I just egt lost out there

Tiger, how are you doing? I find it helps to set short term goals, ie a day out or somethign with a friend if poss, a couple of cofees and even a trip to cinema or away for they day in between waits alwasy helps.  I know the feeling well though   - Sorry you wont be able to make it and for camly too  

Moppit, Thanks for the date suggestions and MJ for the poll, am gonna have a go at it later after checked dates!!!   - I am after a saturday if poss but if everyone wants to go for a sunday i may well be swayed!!

HFI, How are you doing? Our first aid course was early years from st johns website and was 2 days.  It was good focused from birth to adolescence but also covered adults! a lot to take in.  OMG sad i am not sure I can cope wiht sobbing at the mo, I might not stop bit wobbly   roast was lush. 

Tarango, I love having a good old nose, oooh cant help meself!!! great news on 2nd op visit, glad it was pretty informal always helps - phew, you are nearly nearly there to panel now   hope you get in soon.

Kirtsyn, CB, Popsi, CG, Zoe, Emm-anj and everyone that I havent mentioned as I am sure there will be someone - sprry but hellooooo to you too and I hope you are all well.

Lots and lots of love and luck,

mavis x


----------



## popsi

hiya girls

well there are so many of us on here now i am not even gonna attempt personals to everyone this late in the evening !

just wanted to say Tiger on the reference front you will need to have 3 of them one of which must be family, and they will write to yours and DH employers also but this is very basic (i am assuming that you will be same as us!) 

mavis.. your course sounds like a great way to fill time in between waiting for SW honey and will be very useful to have for the future, hope you and DH are ok and the business is doing ok x

rhonda, carol, moppit, ifi, tarrango, kirstyn, chocolatebutton, cotwoldgirl, em, zoe and everyone else i am sending you all much love

as for me i am off now to finish our homework for this weeks double meeting on Thursday, my best friend got a call today in work from our SW to arrange her visit as our referee... wow !!! it all seems very real now girls xxx


----------



## popsi

arghhh.. can someone please put my bubbles back on a 7   `


----------



## Carol 36

all done Popsi

Carol x


----------



## curvycat

yes please more bubbles so that I am on a 7!!! thank you kind bubble blowers! 

Wow this thread is proper busy now! 

I am just going to do a quicky. Still working!! 

Went out with manager today and ended up having a row! Not great me in tears in a holiday inn Bar! Silly tears are never too far away it seems. I think I am doing ok and then the smallest things break open the barriers! 

tango wow we! You are galoping towards the finishing post now! 

I dont feel we are through the gates yet!


----------



## Moppit

Kirstyn - sorry you are feeling low and had a row with your boss. Its sometimes so difficult not to feel emotional and I know what you mean about tears never being far away. You are past the starting posts though and even having an initial interview is a big step. We will get there and when we do it will be the sweetest feeling in the world, I know it will!

Love to everyone else.

Nite nite
Love
Moppitx


----------



## Rossi

Hello everyone,
Just a quick message - as I really need to get to sleep! Thanks for all your welcomes it means so much having other people to talk to that understand...
The lovely Social Worker phoned me today to tell me that DH and I have been accepted onto the Preparation courses in May - was really excited!   Not felt like that in such a long time! DH was not as excited as he found out today he needs a new engine for his car...      

Anyway will speak soon Zoe x


----------



## curvycat

I know I have to look at the possitive side Moppit but it just feels that a couple of months have gone by and I dont even know if we are to be accepted on a prep course yet. 

Never mind

Work isnt helping right now. Boss was a right cow and made a real fuss about how I file my emails!!!!!!! And then had the cheek to tell me not to over do it as my physical and mental health is what matters  

Well done Zoe4 thats amazing time will speed by


----------



## mavis

Kirstyn,

Sorry to hear about your manager   , did you sort it out in the end though? - The not knowing of this journey is very emotional as is the waiting, ghot it all crossed for you that you hear back soon.  Hope ur ok  

Zoe, Great news, well done must be a lovely feeling for you - enjoy x

Bye for now hope you are all well,


mavis x


----------



## Moppit

Zoe4 great news about your prep groups. Ours are also in May... who knows maybe we will be on the same one!

Kirstyn - I know how hard it is to be positive, really feel for you at hte moment. I was beside myself before we got the dates for Prep groups as was convinced we would be rejected before we'd even got past the starting posts so completely understand how you feel. Really hope you hear soon. You deserve it!

Moppit x


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hello ladies

HFI - ah yes I have heard of Sing Star - never used it myself!! hope you are well today!

T - fab news on your meeting - Only a few more weeks until April and your next meeting will be here soon!

Mavis - thanks for the advice hun, we have every weekend in April and May pretty much full with activities so Im sure the time will pass really quickly.  We are going away at the end of May - nowhere terribly exciting, just down to Devon as we off to Australia in October but when we get back in May we will be ready for the course so excited!!

Popsi - hiya chicks - thanks for the info - I think you are right, I recall the SW saying something about 3 references so that should be fine.  How you feeling? How is the homework going?

Carol - Hi

Kirstyn-   ah sorry to hear about your row.  This whole journey is so emotional - hope you can make it up with your boss.  One thing I have found through the whole IF journey is that the only people that understand are the ones who have been through it themselves, Ive been in a lot of emotional situations over the last few years in work where nobody knew the pain we were going through and I just had to accept that they just didnt get it.  Now we are embarking on a new journey and Im sure the wait will be so worth it.

Zoe - yah fab news - May will be here before you know it.

Moppit - how are you today lovely?

Hello to anyone Ive forgotten!! Got a busy day at work today then I have a date with an ironing board and a huge pile of washing this evening - what an exciting life I lead eh?!


----------



## mavis

Forgot to say to Popsi, great news on your referees being approahed and you are nearing the end, well done you guys  

Tiger, hope you have a good day at work, OOoh wish we had some holidays booked, will have to think about something soon!  take care,

mavis x


----------



## Chocolate Button

Ok at last I can update you all. I am using Dh sisters laptop as she is away on hol for a fortnight. Still fighting with pc world, but hope to get a free repair!!!  

Anyway Hi to all the new posters. It is fab over here and everyone is so supportive it really has helped me.

My prep groups were fantastic. They went so well and Dh and I really enjoyed them. We were really excited at the end of them. Don't get me wrong there were very intense and some tough bits to them, but we had a really great crowd and are all going to keep in touch. The SW were all lovely and we should here this week which of them have been allocated to us. The aim is to have us at panel by SEPT!!!! 
We have to make loads of decisions with regards to number of children etc and so we have lots to talk about.
We really feel that we have made the right decision and although we are terrified we won't be excepted we are looking forward to the journey.
Were you all nervous about being turned down? I can't see any reasons why we would be, but I am thinking its natural to be nervous.
So here goes for the next step.  

I am delighted to see that all our journey are progressing and look forward to being back with you all. xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## popsi

Hi ladies

Just a real quick one tonight as just finalising our homework for tomorrows visits

Tiger.. i am ok thanks, homework getting there, its not too bad really once you get into it all, you will be here before you know it.

Chocolate button, thats great news about you enjoying your course, we are meeting a couple on Friday for a meal that we met on ours, it was quite difficult to get to know many as there were 25 people on our course, which was a bit large !!

mavis...hope your ok xxx

much love to everyone else xxx


----------



## curvycat

wow chocolate button thats amazing!! 

I have had yet another day full of tears! 

This time at a customers........  I dont know what started me off but I couldnt stop.

I think boss reported me to oc health as she called me today and told me that maybe I was not in the best job with all the stress with adoption   what does she expect me to do?? give up and do what exactly 

cant seem to see the wood for the trees at the moment


----------



## Moppit

Chocolate Button - So pleased to read your post, fantastic, positive news to give us all something to cheer about today! Really good to hear you enjoyed your Prep Groups - what sort of things did you do? I'm counting the days until ours in May, although I know they will be harrowing at times, will feel like a massive step. Also amazing news that they are aiming for September panel - you'll be there before you know it!!!

Kirstyn - Sorry you are feeling so low. I can completely understand how you feel and it is so difficult to be strong every day when you are feeling so awful about things. Is there anyway you could take a holiday or a few days off to take some time to rest and look after yourself. 

Popsi - Hope you got the homework done!

Love to everyone else and don't forget to post on the meeting thread voting panel if you are interested in meeting up.

Moppit x


----------



## mavis

Hi CB,

Great to hear from you, sorry they still havent resolved your pc issues!!!! sounds like you are on top if it now though.  So glad your preps went well.  On our preps they said they would tell us there and then if we werent going to be taken forward - so at the end of each day or the last day.  I imagine by the way they have been speakign to you with regard to hoping to get you to panel in Sept you are definately on there list.  It is easier to say then do but try not to worry.  Yes, I think it is normal because so much is riding on it for you and you want it so much.  Good Luck for when you get your SW and start HS  

Kirstyn,

Do you know what it is bring you down?  somehow you need to regather yourself.  Maybe you do need a few days off as Moppit says to try and realign yourself.  I suspect you are worrying about the medical thing, it made me feel awful too, if you are try and focus on the fact the GP wrote she could see no reason why you would nto be a good parent and that she is the professional and they shouldnt ask for the pro opinion and then not listen to it.    I think too your mind and body have been thorugh a lot what with the op as well.  And now getting married, They say some of the most stressful things are: getting married, moving house, having babies etc - so you have reason to feel rotten.  I am sending you lots and lots of big squeezes  

Your job is stressful so maybe if she knows you are stressed she will allow you some time off or you could go to GP and ask for a couple of days.

Popsi, Hope you are visits go well for you both, big one today!   I am not fab but thank you for asking and am plodding on regardless. Look forward to hearing how you got on.

Lots of love everyone,

mavis x


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hello ladies

Mavis - hi hunny, hope you are ok today.

CB - Fantastic news that your prep course has gone so well, so many questions, hope you and dh get a chance to have a good old chat about things.

Popsi - good luck for today - hope you managed to get your homework done!!!

Kirstyn - aw    I agree with Mavis, perhaps you just need some time out, too many things going on for you at one time - perhaps just take a step back and de-stress. I know easier said than done, dont worry it will pass, you will come out the other side. 

Last day at work for me today and looking forward to the weekend.  DD is going to my mums Sat night, against my wishes but mum hasnt had her for ages so dh and I are going to the local pub with our friends and then back to ours to make a dent in the drinks cabinet - AGAIN!!! My friend who is coming over is unable to have children, her dh already has 2 kids from a previous marriage and he has been really ill recently - problems with his heart so they have also been turned down for adoption.  I feel so sorry for her - no hope for a child of her own - Im sure we will be putting the world to rights!!

xx


----------



## popsi

Hi Ladies

well visit number one all done.. and a load more homework  , but visit number two today cancelled as she had an emergency    i am gutted as taken day off work for it and was all prepared, but hey ho nothing we can do and its now on Monday instead, so got visit Monday, Tuesday and baby sitting our friends little boy on Thursday so busy week next week, this mornings appointment went very well though so just glad about that 

Mavis honey ... whats up xx pm me if you want anything at all  

Tiger.. Saturday sounds lovely i am sure your little girl will enjoy being spoilt in her grandmothers  , hope you make a good dent in the drinks cabinet too.. your poor friend bless her it must be tough   she is lucky to have you as a friend, i am sure you will put the worlds to right x

Kirstyn.. honey its so tough isnt it and overwhelming at times too xxx take care and visit your GP for some time off if need be xx work will still be there when you are better 

well i think i may watch PS i Love You this afternoon as DH just gone to work now so house to myself till 10.00pm, i know its going to be VERY sad but may watch it.. hmmm we will see lol, we are off out tomorrow with a couple we met on prep course for a nice meal and a few drinks so looking forward to that, then rugby on the weekend, so it could be quite a wet weekend inside and out lol xxxx

much love to you all xxx


----------



## Carol 36

Afternoon All

Popsi how annoying your visit got cancelled as you must really pysch yourself up for them, still not long til Monday. Ahh PS I love you, what great film if sad, still sometimes a good cry makes me feel better about everything.

Kirstyn Big   to you hon, I went through a stage of breaking down and crying at everything and anything at work, things I would not ordinarily get upset about, maybe as the other ladies said take some time out, you are doing two very stressful things at the moment. Remember as I said in my diary I am in the same position regarding medical if you wana chat more, pm me. xx

Tiger sound like you have a fab night planned for saturday, as well as a holiday to fill up your waiting time before course- good for you, enjoy.

Chocolate Button it is really great news to hear how much you enjoyed your prep course,  should I be lucky enough to get that far, it is nice to know other people's opinion on the course, and that they enjoyed it.

Mavis hope you are having a good day, a big  to you as you always take time to read my diary and leave me a positive message, which is fab xx

Love and hugs to all the other ladies, hope life is being kind.
xxxx


----------



## mavis

Hi Tiger, I expect Dd will have a lovely time being spoilt by your mum   hope you ahve a nice time out wiht your friend.  Dont feel bad for what you have just feel blessed.  I know I do.

Hi Popsi,  Damn SW so annoying!!!! arrrrgh - guess it is part and part of the parcel I am sure we are not the only ones!!! Bit down part of the cycle i think at the mo! be really pleased when Sw resurfaces! feel so let down haveing happened every appt to us 4 times and now she has been away for 4 weeks be 5 next week! nothign can do ab out it tho, just ahve to accept it, but it is my life at the mo and it drags me down a bit.  Also got a sore throat feel hot and abit rubbish, sposed to be looking after a friend tonight and dont feel much like it - she will appreciate it tho and I am sure it will be fine.

Lots of love to you all,

mavis x

ps. i didnt have the guts to rent that film, i am wooos! hope you have a nice afternoon

pps. Carol you have just posted too, bless you, thank you, hope you are ok? mavis x


----------



## Camly

hiya all

hope your all doing ok.

just wanted to do a quick post to send kirstyn a massive  

sorry mad rush so cant do personals.  

lots of love though x x x x x x x


----------



## mavis

Hi Everyone,

Hope you are all ok and having a nice weekend.

Has been hectic this end.  I really do hope we get some news this week.

Have got the most awful blimin cold, started weds pm, and my head is stuffed and thumping, I am boilign hot and my nose is cracked and I AM A MESS - aaaaaargh, I hate being ill, hurry up and go away.

Took my brother out yesterday on ebay collections and a drop off and stopped over ata friends for the pm who needed a hand.

Today have been v lazy and my lovely lovely DH has been so good to me.

It is horrible when you get poorly - it all seems to bring you down.

Hoping to go into nursery tomorrow, I think I am past contagious, will go in and if they donty want me I will go home, I dont want to do a sicky.

Please let me hear soemthign this week. 

How are you all?

mavis x

ps. the meet needs a mummy or daddy, Kirstyn are you doing it?


----------



## lou73

Hi all, hope your weekend has gone OK - just a quickie before I get my things ready for school tomorrow!

Just had a quick read through messages and hope things are going OK for everyone. Big   to everyone.

Kirstyn - hope you are feeling a bit better and have taken some time for yourself at weekend. Bosses can be so delightful!  I wonder if they all have to go to the same charm school! If possible take a few days away from work and just have some 'me time'. I felt better after having a few weeks away from work (although I had stressed so much I made myself ill so that's why I had to take time off) Please look after yourself, remember that you have a family waiting somewhere out there and they need you to be strong (that's what my DH always says and it helps). 

I had my SW visit on Thursday and it went well again - we just talked about my childhood etc. I decided to offer cake this week, but she still didn't eat it!! She did say though that she has only just had her lunch when she visits so I don't feel too bad!

Got our next visit on Thursday together to talk about our relationship (!!?) and SW is bringing the forms for our medicals. 

Enjoy the rest of the weekend.  
Lou x


----------



## MissSunshine

Hey my lovelies!!

Had a call today and we've been assigned our social worker!!!!! She goes away next week for 3weeks but will call us on 14th April to make an appointment for our 1st home visit and thats it..... the ball is rolling!! We are so excited!!!!!      

I'm going to be a mummy!!
XxX


----------



## Carol 36

Ahh fantastic news Rhonda very chuffed for you and your Dh, I am sure the time will fly by til your visit.

Hello and hugs to all 
xx


----------



## lou73

Hi Rhonda - fantastic news about the visit! It will go really quickly. Good luck.  

Hi to all - just waiting to go on MY wii fit - dh is monopolising it bless him!!  so thought I would check how everyone was. Hope today went OK. Not long til Friday!! (ever the optomist!!  )
Lou x


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hi everyone

Well the weekend passed by too quickly and back to the grindstone!!! Dh had some bad news last night, his father was diagnosed with cancer and whereas last year the doctors told him he had about 5 years - 10 years if he was lucky - he has now deteriorated and we have been told he has less than a few months to live - so sad, thats all Im hearing about lately.

Popsi - how did your meeting go yesterday? How did you enjoy the film - I must admit I watched it and I just didnt get it - Im not really into Romcom's and I dont get emotional - dh calls me the 'Ice Queen'!

Carol - hi, hope you had a good weekend.

Mavis - how are you hun? hope you are feeling better. Did you make it to the nursery  

Lou - so glad your visit went well last Thursday and good luck for this week? ooh I wonder what sort of things they go into ??  How was the Wii last night - Im am seriously addicted!!!

Rhonda - yay fab news - April will be here before you know it.

Hope you are all well

xx


----------



## Moppit

Morning Lovely Ladies

Rhonda - Fantastic news about being assigned an SW, you are really on the final straight now, congratulations! 

Tiger- So sorry to hear about your Father in Law, must be devastating news particuilarly at such a stressful time anyway. Give you DH lots of TLC.

Kirstyn - Worried about you, havent seen you post for a few days and really hope you are okay and have recovered from your boss being horrible.

Beautiful sunny day again.... one day we'll all be in the park playing with our children in weather like this... that day will come for all of us I'm sure of it!

Moppit x


----------



## Carol 36

Afternoon

Ahh Tiger really sorry to hear your news big hug and love you & your DH.

Moppit ahh won't that be lovely when we are  on hear gossiping about our family time in the sun. Fingers crossed

Kirstyn big hugs to you hon, hope you have managed to have some me time.

Mavis hope you are enjoying the lovely weather

Big hellos to all the other lovely ladies

Love and hugs to you all
xx


----------



## Shoe Queen

Moppit & Carol - thanks for your thoughts.

Yes it is a beautiful day here too - just escaped from the office for an hour for a walk - it was lovely - yah hope this is the start of things to come!!

xx


----------



## Chocolate Button

Tiger I am so sorry to hear that Huni. I will be thinking of you and your DH.

Can I ask a wee bit of advice ladies. I had last prep groups two weeks past on Sat and the SW running the groups said they would let us know individual SW we had been allocated in the next week or so. How long do I wait before calling to see who I have been given and what the next step is?


----------



## Shoe Queen

CB - thanks for your thoughts  

With regard to your question, Im not sure, havent been on my prep course yet but I would probably give them a ring - no harm in that, if they said it would be a week or so I would give them a call xx


----------



## MissSunshine

Hey Chocolate Button,

We had the last day of our prep last monday 9th March, and we were called yesterday by our allocated SW. So if I were you honey I'd get on the phone.........there's no harm in a little gentle nudging!!!  

Rhonda.XxX


----------



## popsi

Hi Ladies .. just a quickie as on the way to work...

Tiger.. i am so sorry to hear about your Father in Law, thats horrible for you all as a family   be strong xxxx

rhonda.. thats lovely that you have been allocated a SW time will fly now you will see xx

chocolate button.. we were told at our prep course 24th Nov we would be allocated a sw in a week or so time, but did not until 18th december, we did not ring but friends of ours on the course did and they just said they were a little behind, so no harm ringing (if our friends did not we would have as i just wanted to know lol) xx 

mavis.. how are you darling xx hope your feeling a little better xx

kirstyn.. are you ok too xx you a little quiet x

to everyone else sending you all much love and positive thoughts, we will have our families soon ladies believe that xx

as for us, well I had my visit Monday and we had our joint one last night, all went very well indeed, and it looks like panel is going to be in May, our SW has started writing our assessments and is starting referee visits on Friday, to be honest i am still struggling to believe it all, as we battled 8 years of tx and it was all so horrible with many downs and no ups at all, and to be at this stage now with only 3 months since prep course, well i have to pinch myself to believe its real, i know that its not over yet by a long way, but i am beginning to feel that sometime in the future we will be a mummy and daddy, and it feels so good xx

sorry waffled a bit there lol

bye all xxxxxxx


----------



## Shoe Queen

Morning ladies

Pospsi - OMG that is wonderful news hunny - cant believe it is all going so quickly that is amazing.  I can imagine you must be feeling a little shell shocked, as you say all those years of IF and now a new chapter - Im so pleased for you.  Im hoping to be joing you soon.!!!

Hope everyone is ok today.

Am aching today, had a marathan session on the WII last night and am aching like mad - good incentive though, I have just signed up for Race For Life which will be a £5k run taking place this July so better get my little butt into gear!!!!!!!

xx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Rhonda - well done on being assigned a SW you must be on   Sounds like things are going really well  

Popsi - so pleased that everything going well for you too hun - panel in May sounds fab   You will be a mummy soon   

Tiger - so sorry to hear about your father in law, must have been a real shock for you and your DH.   

Mavis - big    to you. I hope you hear from your SW soon. It must be so frustrating for you having so many cancellations when you've waited so long. All I can say is hang on in there, it'll be worth it in the end   

Chocolate Button - well done on finishing your prep course. If you don't hear anything a wee reminder wouldn't go amiss I'm sure  

Kirstyn - big    to you too. Sounds like you need a bit of a break and me time, you've been through such a lot over the last few months things are probably just catching up on you little. If your manager has referred you to occ health don't worry about it   Treat it as a bit of free therapy   They aren't all bad and I found ours really good when I went back to work after my myomectomy a few years back. They realise how big a a deal some of these things are and if you have them on side your boss will need to be careful!  Take care and if you need anything you know where we are  

Hi's to HFI, Camly, Lou, Moppit, Zoe, Carol, Tarango and anyone I've missed - hope you're all well.

We've had a worrying week - SIL had news last week (out of blue) that a cyst removed last year had borderline changes and the consultant said they wanted to remove it asap. They booked her in for op today so she had only a week to get her head around the thought that she might end up having a hysterectomy. As her and my dear BIL wanted to have more children it's been a tough week for them and sadly she did end up having a hysterctomy today.   Really feel for them at the moment...

CG xxx


----------



## Moppit

CG - Thats awful news about you SIL, it must have been such a shock. Life is so unfair sometimes. Thinking of you and your family.

All well with me, I went to my regular one on one counselling session last night which was helpful. First time I've been on my own as all the previous sessions have been with DH as well. We spent alot of time talking about the fact that I need to focus on me and DH instead of spending so much time worrying about what my parents will miss out on through adoption. Gave me lots of food for thought as I one of the things I have struggled with is the guilt of not being able to give my parents grandchildren and the idea that the fantasy I had of my Mum spending time with me with a newborn baby might never have happened anyway. I've always had a bit of a difficult relationship wtih my Mum and I think in my head I'd always thought that this would have been an opportunity to feel close to her and for her to be proud of me. The counselling helped me to see this and that I can't be responsible for my parents happiness as well. They've had the chance to have babies themselves and its me not them that will miss out on that experience. Anyway all interesting stuff and I recommend counselling. We've been able to get 8 sessions free through DH's work and has been well worth doing.

Love to all.

Enjoy the sunshine!

Moppit x


----------



## Carol 36

Hi All

CG ahh big hugs to you and your family, life can be very cruel sometimes.

Hi Tiger I am doing race for life too, this will be my 4th year of doing it, sadly close friends and family have been through it with cancer. Good luck with it. Be warned wear sun glasses a very emotional time, just seeing the message people write on there back.

Wow Rhonda you must be soooo chuffed how quick things are progressing for you, I am v pleased for you and your dh.

Ahh Popsi that is fantastic news, it must be a great feeling when becoming parents gets so near.

Ahh Mavis sorry you being messed about so much,  

Kirstyn hope you are bearing up ok xx

Obviously love and hugs to all the other ladies.

I went yesterday for my 3rd attempt to get my medical sorted, fingers crossed all ok and it will be sent off and get our journey moved on a bit!!!

Lots of love 
Cxx


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hello ladies

CG - sending big hugs to you and your family, cant imagine what your sil must be going through.  Its so hard when we are going through so much ourselves but then to be worrying about family members is so stressful - I hope she will be ok  

Moppit - good to hear your counselling sessions are going well.  I know it can be really hard to focus on yourselves and your future without worrying about other people.  Im constantly fretting over how others are going to feel about things when I should be a little bit selfish - but its not in my nature so find it hard not to worry.

Carol - thanks for the tip, couldnt have come at a better time really esp. with FIL deteriorating so quickly to the horrid disease - just hope I wont be too emotional! I am doing it with some friends and they've told me to wear pink! Im not really a pink girl but will make an exception for the day - think I may wear a tutu on top of my running gear!!!  Hope your medical was ok.

Last day of work for me for the weekend and supposed to be a lovely weekend - full of sun whoopee!! Went for a bit of retail therapy earlier and ended up buying something new to wear on Sunday - dh has booked a restaurant for us so looking forward to that and 2 pairs of shoes - I am completely addicted to shoes!! No more news on FIL unfortunately, the chemo has failed and the doctors are looking into giving him a new drug on the market, some kind of tablet form - so we shall see - dh is going to see him next week.  

Hope you are all well xx


----------



## mavis

Hi Everyone,

Have been knocked out with the bug.

Hope you are all ok.

I am sorry to read about the bad news for you Tiger   and CG   - I am thinking of you all.

CB, did you chase SW?

Great your are both doing race for life Tiger and Carol.  Hope it goes well for you both.

Hope your medical is sorted now carol.

Not long now for you popsi  

Retail therapy Tiger - yes who can blame you, hope you enjoy your meal and you have soem nice new bits.

Take care everyone,

mavis x


----------



## Chocolate Button

Well we finally got allocated an individual SW and so it will be all systems go as soon as we get our first appointment with her. SW that I spoke to said she thought that our SW would "rattle through" our homestudy. That sounds promising and we should expect a call from her in the next week or so. Looks like I could be accepted by Sept after all.

I am posting a very quick post as I am off to Ayr for lunch with some friends. I will be keeping up with your posts, but my SIL is back tomorrow and I have to give her back her laptop. Looks like pc world might pay for my laptop to be repaired or replaced so fingers crossed. I will post from my wii but it takes forever so they will be short!
Be back asap.

Lots of love and hugs to everyone. xx


----------



## mavis

Hi CB,

Great news on SW and sounds like PC front nwo too as well : )

Wont be long till your ploughing through HS now x

Hope u have a nice lunch out,

mavis x


----------



## lou73

Hi everyone, 
hope you are enjoying the weekend. It's quite misty and miserable here unfortunately! Not raining though so that's good.

CG - Really sorry to read the news about your SIL. That must be really tough.  

Moppit - hope your sessions are helping, sometimes it's just good to talk about things in the open. DH and me had a chat last night about whether our parents would love their 'natural' grandchildren more if DH's sister has her own children. It's daft really, but all sorts of things go through your head! Keep being positive. 

Tiger - shoes! WOW!! I love shoes!! When we found out we couldn't have babies, I bought a pair of bright pink heels to cheer me up! I had this mad idea in my head that if you are pregnant you can't wear skyscraper heels!!  Enjoy your meal.

Hi everyone else, glad things seem to be moving along quite nicely now. 

Keep focussed everyone and remember that at the end of this journey we will be parents! 

Lou


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Moppit - glad you're finding the counselling useful, it's sometime just good to talk things over and get things out into the open what you've been bottling up  

Carol - I hope you're medical is ok and you get confirmaiton of that soon  

Lou - those bright pink heels sound good   I love shoes too!

Mavis - how are you getting on? I hope youre home visits have been sorted out now  

Chocolate Button - fantastic news on getting a SW allocated and the fact they thing you'll fly through the home vist! You must have impressed them on the prep course. Keep us posted. Hope PC world do sort your PC out  

Tiger - so sorry to hear about your FIL, cancer is such a horrible disease. Far too much of it about these days too. My cousin's wife is really suffering with it at the moment  I hope your DH is coping ok.   Good on you and Carol for doing the race for life. The tutu sounds a great idea  

Well we've finally had our invite to adopt so will be filling our application form in and sending it back to them on Monday. Just need to interrogate my mum tomorrow on where we've lived   They haven't got any prep course dates yet but completing the forms will feel like progress. SS did apologise at least about the delay in getting our forms out to us - seems they've been really short staffed. 

Enjoy the sunshine everyone   

CG xxxx


----------



## mavis

Hi CG,

Good to hear form you.

Great you have the formal application in your hands  

Once that is posted back, I hope you get to hear relatively soon and things can get moving for you.  

We are still stuck this end!

Take care of yourself,

love, mavis x


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hello ladies

Mavis - hey hunny, how are you feeling? hope the bug is over with now.  Did you have a good weekend?

CG - fab news to have your invite for the adoption.  to your cousin's wife too - really sad time at the moment but we are keeping each other strong.

Lou - Im obsessed with shoes, buy most of mine from America as they are often cheaper, so glad there are loadsa platforms around at the moment, being 5ft 2 I practically live in them - Im a joke to everyone as Im a bit like posh spice tottering around on my heels everywhere (even in the house) I love them!!

CB - great news on being allocated your SW, once the process gets going its seems to go really quickly so fingers crossed it will be the same for you - hope you had a good weekend.

Well I had a lovely weekend, the sun shone so spent most of it outdoors, I had my nephew to stay on Saturday he is 14 months old and gorgeous so that was fun.  Had a lovely day yesterday, took MIL out for lunch, which ended up being a bit of a boozy afternoon - didnt get home until 7pm and cracked open another bottle of wine so got to bed in the early hours and have a full day of work ahead of me  

Hope everyone is ok xx


----------



## mavis

Hi Tiger,

Yep cold is defo on its way out now.  yey ~ Thank you for asking.

Glad you had a good weekend.  Hope work hasnt been too bad.

Having your nephew over sounded great too, fun and lovely.

Hi to everyone,

mavis x


----------



## Moppit

Hello Ladies

Just got back from lovely couple of days at a spa with DH. We did a special Sunday night deal and spent yesterday afternoon and today relaxing in this gorgeous place being pampered. Very sorry to be back at home! Was also really nice to spend some quality time with DH, we talked alot about how excited we are about adoption but have also decided to try be as positive as possible about the wait by both writing a list of all the things we want do before our children arrive, sharing that list and trying to do some of them. There are things I have always wanted to do that you can't do with children so trying to focus on the positives of being able to do these things whilst we navigate our way through the marathon that is the adoption process.

CB - Great news on being allocated an SW.

Cotswold Girl - Congrats on getting your form. Intruiged by this too as DH and i had an initial interview and have been invited to Prep groups but havent filled out a form. Do some SW's do it a different way round? We also havent done CRB checks or medicals yet... what are others experiences of the way this works?

Mavis - Glad to hear you are feeling better.

Tiger - Glad you had a good weekend.

Love to everyone else. 

Have good weeks.

Moppit x


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hi everyone

Mavis - glad you are feeling better  

Moppit - sounds like you have had a lovely weekend.  What a lovely idea, its so good to be positive and have other things to focus on.  What sort of things would you like to do/places you'd like to go!

As for me, having a stressful few days, wont bore you with the whole story but Im having some problems with my boss ringing me/texting me at home, not quite stalking me but making me feel very uncomfortable! Anyway, I was in the office yesterday and a call came through for him and it was my Social Worker! I assumed she was ringing him for a reference or something even though he has no clue about our situation, so I listened at the door and it was for himself!!!! He is going through the process himself, anyway quite upset by this, dh rang our SW and told her it was awkward and that we hoped we would not be on the same course together, as it happens he has already been on his course so am feeling a bit peed off about the fact that this was 'my thing' if you know what I mean and I feel as if he's somehow taking this away from me as well.

Hope you are all ok xx


----------



## Carol 36

Hi All

Mavis v glad you are feeling much better 

Tiger I can understand you feeling put out by this,  I know I would be too. Any chance of changing bosses within your company, especially if he is harassing you at home with his problems. You need to be concerntrating on you and your dh.

Ahh Moppit v jealous of your weekend, glad you had a fabulous time

Hi to all the other ladies
xx


----------



## MissSunshine

Hi all,

OMG!!!  Am in shock at the mo......... 
Our social worker has gone on  holiday and is back on 14th April, when we were due to start our home study. Today we have had a call from one of the senior social workers asking if we've sent our application from back(I was filling it in when she called) She wants it back 1st thing in the morning, where she will take it up to the 'big boss' to get stamped, and she wants to come round asap and start our home study, even though she no longer gets involved with assessments! She's also said that they had a 'plan', but can't tell us anymore at the mo as she doesn't want us getting too excited...................!!!! 

We just don't know what to think...... Our instincts are telling us that they already have children in mind for us, but we obviously don't want to get our hopes up.

Fingers crossed though!!

Love Rhonda.XxXxX


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Mavis - glad you're cold is on its way out. Hope you get unstuck soon  

Tiger - sorry to hear that your boss is being a pain all round! Have you tried telling him not to text or ring you at home? If you have it might be worth repeating and letting him know that you'll be reporting him to HR or his boss if he continues. I hope things work out soon for you. Try not to let fact he's adopting too get in the way of your achievements along the adoption road.  

Moppit - I think we've only got the form early because they've been so slow at responding and following up on our initial meeting and info evening! We've still not got a date for prep course either so I think it's a way of keeping us on board   Your list of things to do before you get your children sounds a great idea   Think DH and I will need to start one of those and not just the must get a new kitchen sort of thing! Spa weekend sounds fab too - well worth indulging yourself while you can  

Rhonda - if I was in your shoes I'd be mega excited! Sounds to me like they've got plans for you and your DH   Can't wait to hear what or who they have in mind for you   Good luck   

CG xxx


----------



## Moppit

Wow Rhonda thats amazing news! Can't wait to hear more!

Tiger - Sorry to hear about your boss, maybe it can be a positive thing that you are both going through the same difficult journey, then again I can understand how strange it would feel and you should definately speak to him about texting you at home.

By the way does anyone know if we ever set a date for the meet up, lost track of that thread a bit.

Moppit x


----------



## mavis

Hi Everyone,

Moppit glad the Spa was a lovely break for you.  You are right to try and focus on the positives and always keep the end goal in site too.  I think the meet needs a mummy or daddy to take charge of it, the most popular day i couldnt go and I posted that on there, I wonder if the results can be revealed so we can organise from there.

CG, Did your form go off? Hope you get to hear somethign in the next couple of weeks.

Tiger, Sorry to hear your boss is being a pain! does your Dh know about this?  Why is he doing this? As CG says ask him not to and there are steps that you can take.  With regard to him adopting, I can udnerstand how annoying it would be, try not to compare what is going on for him with what is going on for you, the main thing is you focus on your life and not his.  For example you will both eventually end up with children but different children and you both probably wont be the same in the matching requirements. (Dont know if that makes sense!? - if you know what i mean!!) Keep your chin up and focus back on yourselves, it is a special and important time for you and her has no control over any of that so he can never take any of it away from you. (ps. i love that listening at the door : ) as Moppit says it could have its benefits beign able to ask advice from eachother and share things if you are both that way inclined.

Carol, Hi, Have posted in you diary, x

Rhonda, Great news, sounds like you are going great guns. Does sound good for you, Good Luck.

Lots of love to you all,

mavis x


----------



## Moppit

I'm happy to take control of the meet date. I'll see if I can find out how we can get the current results and take it from there.

Moppit x


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hi girls

Just a quick one from me - thanks for all your support re. the boss situation however, the tricky thing is - he owns the company, therefore he is the highest rank and nowhere to go from there! Am feeling very emotional today, dont know why, just feeling really down.  Havent had a chance to discuss things with dh yet (he knows about the calls etc) am not sure what to do about things - will post later when I get my head together!


----------



## Em26

Hi all,

Am a bit of a sporadic poster but wanted to ask a question.

We went to an info meeting a fortnight ago and have requested an initial visit. We were told we'd be called to arrange this, but we haven't heard anything yet. How long did others have to wait between info meeting and next contact? When/should I call them?

I know it's very early days to be getting impatient, but, now we know it's right for us, we're just so desperate to get on with it and I keep waiting for the phone to ring!! 

hmmm... maybe I just need to learn patience? 

Thanks and all the best to you all on your various stages!,

Emily


----------



## Moppit

Dear Em

We had the same experience as you, info meeting in which they told us they would be in contact within 2 weeks and then nothing. I decided to call to chase and after a few phonecalls managed to get commitment to a date for an initial visit. I don't think there is any harm in following up, if anything it makes you look keen and committed which is what they want.

Good luck

Moppit x


----------



## popsi

Hiya Ladies

Sorry i have been a hopeless poster lately I have just been so busy with all our competancies etc and homework, we have had our 8th visit today and are still on course for panel in May if nothing changes or gets delayed,  but I have been reading and want to say

Tiger honey,  what a horrible man your boss sounds, you really do need to sort out these texts etc.. and dont worry about him adopting too, as your journey is purely yours and your family and you will not have to share it with him in any way, but its good he has done the course etc as being with him would not be nice for you on that as you need to relax and enjoy it x

Mavis.. glad your feeling better honey, any news on your SW yet .. i so hope you have and she is back in work    

Kirstyn.. hope your ok you have gone very quiet xx

Rhonda... woo hoo !! sounds good cant wait to hear all about it  

chocolate button, cotswold girl, moppet, em, and all you other lovely ladies xxxx


----------



## MissSunshine

Well after yesterday, DH and I just didn't know what to think, but after handing in our application form today, they've told us that they have a little girl in mind for us and they want to get us through asap and they want her home with her mummy and daddy by JULY!!!!!!    They thought about her being placed with us after the 1st day of our prep course, so we've obviously made quite an impression.

The social workers are coming round next week to give us the info on her and give us a picture...... can't wait!

We are so excited...... to think I could be a mummy in about 4months time, it's what we've waited sooooooooo long for........  

Love to you all, Rhonda.XxXxXxX


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Rhonda - wooohoooo   What fabulous news so excited for you  

     

CG xxxxx


----------



## Moppit

Rhonda that is absolutely amazing news, it has moved so quickly for you and your story should give those of us at the beginning of this journey lots of hope that it could not be too long before we are Mummys too!

I am so, so pleased for you. You have been through so much and deserve this fantastic news.

Fingers crossed all goes well from here.

Moppit x


----------



## Shoe Queen

Rhonda - amazing news whoooohhoooooooo - how exciting - you must be over the moon! 

Popsi - thanks hun   hope youre not working too hard!

Moppit, Mavis, CG, Carol, Em, Lou, CB - hope you are all ok x


----------



## mavis

Hi Everyone,

Tiger, Hope you are feeling a bit better today, it must have been a shock for you, I would have been the same.  

Popsi, You are steaming on, good on you, not long to go eh  

Em, We had to wait quite a while till we heard but we chased them up a couple of times and eventually got there.  I would maybe give it a week then call them as Moppit says it wont do any harm and helps keep you at the top of the pile.

Rhonda,  What fabulous news   sounds great for you.  Keep us posted.

Still no news this end i'm afraid! 

Lots of love to everyone,

mavis x


----------



## curvycat

Hi ladies

Sorry to have been so quiet recently. I have been trying to tune the adoption noise out as I am not coping well while waiting for the results of my medical. 3 weeks now and still not heard anything! 

Wedding planning has also been really stressful, bridesmaids arguing, mum being childish and dad feeling left out! My poor oh is so so patient! Have finally found a designer for my dress and should be buying on Tuesday. Fingers crossed that mum agrees! If one more person tells me that it is my day and to enjoy I think I will go down for murder  

Work still a nightmare and putting a huge amount of stress on us all! Maybe this is the same everywhere with the recession but sales is not a nice place to be right now. Also mentoring our new starter and so breast feeding him at the moment! 

Will try to be around more and I am sorry for being a rubish friend


----------



## jaynee

morning Girls,

i hope you don't mind me gate crashing, but i would really like some advice on how to go about getting 
the adoption ball rolling.

so if there is anyone out there that could give me a guiding hand i would  really appreciate it

Sam x


----------



## Moppit

Kirstyn - So good to hear from you, we had all been worried about you as in your last few posts you sounded so down but don't feel the slightest bit bad about not logging on. We are all here for you whenever you need us but completely understand that sometimes its difficult to even think about adoption let alone post about it. I'm so sorry you've been having such a difficult time. I work in Financial Services so can completely relate to what you mean about stress at work. We have just finished a round of redundancies which I survived but its all very stressful. I promise the wedding stuff will get easier, everyone experiences stress around their relatives (especially Mother's) and trying to please them but once you have the big things decided I promise you will start to enjoy it. I guarentee that your Mother will think you look so beautiful in your dress that she'll agree to anything!

Jaynee- Welcome to the board, you'll find it really useful on here.I only joined this thread just before Christmas after months using some of the other threads and have found it fantastic. First step you need to take is to find an LA that are willing to work with you. Not sure where you live in the country but if its London its likely that this will need to be an LA other than your local one, if it isnt London you will probably need to use your local LA and in any case this is a good place to start. Once you have found an LA that is happy to work with you in principal, they will invite you to an information session (mine was in the daytime but others have them in the evening) this is a relatively short session where you are talked through the adoption process and get to meet some of the Social Workers. I found this didnt really tell me anything I didnt already know but its useful. Next step after this if you still want to proceed is an initial interview. This is when a social worker (2 in our case) come to your house to interview you and your partner (if you have one). Ours was pretty intensive but I know this varies. Essentially they are assessing you to make sure you understand the implications of adoption and the kind of children that might be available. Once this is done they will let you know if they are happy to take you on as prospective adopters. Next step is Prep Groups (ours are coming up in May for 4 days) then the Home Study, then panel to approve you as prospective adopters and then you wait to be matched. Its certainly a long and intensive process but the good thing is that unlike fertility treatment you do feel like you are on a path that is going somewhere. I havent included all the smaller steps on the way like references and forms but needless to say as well as these big steps there are small ones too. If you are looking for info a good place to start is the BAAF website or the website of your Local Authority which should include information about how they run the process.

Good luck!

Moppit


----------



## MissSunshine

Hello all,

Had a phone call today and our social worker comes round on wednesday when they will bring the profile and a picture of our 10 MONTH OLD LITTLE GIRL!!!!!!!!! OMG!! We can't believe it. We are so over the moon!

XXXXXXXX


----------



## jrhh

Hello Ladies,

I was wondering if I could join you all. I am still in the v early stages of adoption and dh and I have just filled out the first initial interest forms and are waiting for an initial appoint. I am so very lucky and blessed to have a little boy from our 1st attempt at IVF but sadly 2 tries later and no BFP. I cannot face any more treatment and heartache so after a lot of soul searching and yearning for my Tom not to be an only child we have decided to look into adoption. I'd be lying if I said I was terrified but I am excited too.

I hope to get to know you all soon and Rhonda that fab news I bet you are so stunned.

Tiger hi hunni  

Jacks x


----------



## curvycat

that is absolutely amazing Rhonda! I am dumb struck! 

Welcolm Jacks


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hello ladies

Rhonda - OMG that is absolutely fabulous news hun, what a shocker, cant believe it has been that quick - its meant to be - cant wait to hear all about her!

Jacks - Hi hunni, so lovely to see you here - hope you are feeling ok about sending off your forms and I know you are in the right place. 

Kirstyn - hope you are ok.  Weddings can be so stressful I know Ive had friends organising/planning weddings and just hearing about it is stressful enough.  Sorry to hear work is no better, I kinda know where you are coming from - work here is not great at the moment but just sticking it out for the moment. 

Mavis - how are you hunny, still no news your end??

Hi Moppit, Popsi, CG, CB, Em, Carol

Sam - you are probably in the best place for information - Ive only recently joined and the girls are so lovely here and full of information!

As for me, had a busy weekend, spent it with the family (had one too many drinks on Saturday) but had a great day.  Sunday was lovely and as we live 5 mins from the beach we spent the day down there it was so nice, what a difference the sun makes eh!!  Dh took me to look at caravans - he is thinking of purchasing one!!!! Im not a caravan girl myself - usually 4/5 star hotels for me however, I see his way of thinking, a great little weekend home esp. if we are blessed with another little one!!

xx


----------



## Moppit

Rhonda that is utterly amazing news, everything has moved so quickly for you, you are very, very lucky but well deserved. A baby too, all that we could all dream of. Enjoy this moment!

Jrhh - Welcome, you are in a great place!

Love to everyone else.

Mx


----------



## Tarango

Hello fellow virgins and welcome newbies  

   to one and all - old faces and new     

I have been reading and catching up on everyone's news 

Rhonda - WOW!!   how exciting - it won't be long before you meet your little girl!! 

Tiger - don't blame you for having a few too many - it has to be done once in a while doesn't it!!   

Kirstyn -   for the wedding and work - concentrate on the wedding andit'll be well worth it! We went to Austria to get married and even though we had a company out there sorting it all out - we (esp me!!) werestill stressed out with it all!!   to work!!

Hello to Mavis, Camly (you alright chick-p?), Popsi, Cotswold girl, Choc Button, and anyone else i have forgotten 
and big huge welcome to Jacks and the other newbies I have missed xxxx

We have a panel date! (don't want to say when it is just in case my Swer has decided to read up on here!!   ) but lets just say on the next couple of weeks or so we shouldknow if we have been approved!


have a good evening one and all xxxx


----------



## Moppit

Hi Tarango

Good to hear from you. Great news about your panel date. You are so nearly at the finishing post after a long journey. Fingers crossed it does happen soon and that then it isnt too long to wait for a match.

Have we got any further with finding a date for a meet or are we giving up? Newbies there is a thread on the adoption bit of FF saying 'date for a meet' as we were trying to find a date to try and meet up in person. Go on it if you'd like to be included and vote for a date.

Moppitx


----------



## Carol 36

Morning Lovely Ladies

Wow Rhonda that is fantastic news, if only they all worked that quick, you must be soooo excited. Very chuffed for you and your DH

Kirstyn great to see you posting to again, I agree with Tarango just focus on your wedding, work will still be there. At least your wedding will be a happy event, unlike work, lets face it, none of us would be there given the choice.

Good for you Tiger have a few bevvies it does you good to kick back and relax.

Hi Mavis hope things are moving a bit better for you hon.

Welcome to the Newbies great to have you on board.

Big hugs to all the regular ladies .

Just had a nice relaxing weekend with friends down in Dorset with DH, weather was glorious. 

Hope you all have a lovely day 
xx


----------



## Chocolate Button

Very short and sweet as my laptop still not fixed  

Rhonda that is fantastic news. It makes us realise that dreams can come true.  

We had visit from our sw and they dropped a bombshell. At initial visit they discussed the fact that our last tx was only in November and did we feel that we were ready to move on. After discussing this with them we were invited on the prep groups and we thought that was the end of it, but when sw came last week she said they had concern that we hadn't waited the 6 months recommended. She asked us loads of questions and gave us forms etc and said that she would discuss it with VA team and we may start HS now or have to wait until May. Anyway we though that 4 weeks wouldn't do much difference and we know our hearts and minds, but they called and said we can't start HS until May. Not long I know, but it has upset me a bit as I can't see what difference 4 weeks will make and what really upsets me is that we may have to be allocated another SW. we feel that we have had 2 visits already from 2 SWs and opened up our personal life to them and now we may need to go over the same things with another SW. Frustrating!

Anyway my finger is aching as I am posting from wii.

Love and hugs to you all and hope to be back posting properly asap. xxxxx


----------



## Tarango

Hi Chocolate Button sending  to you and DH, it must be soooo frustrating to feel like you are having to restart every time a SWer comes to visit. Hang in there chick - it'll all be worth it in the end and you are bouncing a little one on your knee - although I know it doesn't feel like it now and I would be feeling exactly the same as you are....  

Hello 'regular virgins'  and newbie (born again) virigns 
the sun is shining and I'm about to go in the gym (not by choice  ) and going to jig along to my 'pump it up' dvd ....

[fly]    [/fly]

Have a good evening

love 
T
xxx


----------



## lou73

Hi all. 


Rhonda - OMG!!!! Fantastic news!!! 

Hope everyone else is OK. 
Had our medicals today - nightmare! The doc was lovely. Took him ages to decide how to write that I had a malignant ovary removed (this was the first I knew about it! That it was malignant I mean. I was told it was benign.) He was a tad worried that it might go against us for the adoption, especially as my mum had ovarian cancer (but had no treatment after her surgery). Could this really go against us? I am really worried about this now. VERY stressed! It makes me so mad that they might think that I won't be here in a few years (that's what the Doc said they might think) It all happened 9 years ago and I have been fine ever since. How unfair is this? 

To top it all, I have been trying to deal with various child protection issues at school with kids in my class - terrible!

My highlights of the week though - one of our Year 6 boys was very concerned after his sex ed lesson. He thought he had a huge bag of sperm inside him and was really worried that if he banged into something it might explode everywhere!!! Mind you this is the same boy who thought he might be having period pains cos he felt unwell! Who said sex ed in Britain wasn't working?!
One of my little sweeties fainted when we were having our resussie Annie lessons!! She just said it made her feel really sick. Bless!
Life's never dull!
Good luck all xx


----------



## HFI

Hi girls

Sorry I've been AWOL for awhile, I have been reading even though i've not had time to post  

Rhonda - OMG, I got goosebumps when I read your post, I think your news is fantastic and shows that dreams can come true.  Keep us posted, we can't wait to hear all about her.

Popsi - Not long now until panel, you must be getting excited.

Tiger - Sorry to hear you've been having so much trouble with your boss, I hope things are improving now and you've stopped him contacting you at home.  Living by the beach, how lucky are you.  I bet it's great when the sun is shining    Any more news on the caravan?  I know what you mean about not being keen on caravans but love the idea of having a get away for those short breaks.  I feel the same.

Mavis - How's things with you?  I know your SW hasn't been around much in recent weeks.  I hope she's back now and your HS is back on track.  They should be speeding things up for you since they've messed you about so much.

Em - Did you chase them re: your initial visit?  I agree with the others, I don't think it hurts to be proactive.

Kirstyn - Fingers crossed you get your medical results soon.  Sorry to hear work is rubbish and your wedding plans have been stressful.  Did you get your dress on Tuesday?  When you see how beautiful you look I'm sure you'll forget about the stressful times you've had.

Sam and Jacks - Welcome to the adoption thread and good luck with your journeys.

Tarango - Good to hear from you.  Fingers crossed panel goes well and we hear good news from you very soon  

CB - It's so annoying when you get messed about and I agree with you 4 weeks surely can't make that much difference.  At least you don't have too long to wait until your new date, May will be here before you know it.

Lou - So sorry to hear about your medical, it must of been a bit of a shock.  However I agree with you, 9 years was a long time ago and surely the fact you've been ok ever since will go in your favour.  Good luck.  Your sex ed lessons sound such fun  

Hi to Carol, Crusoe, Moppitt, Camly and anyone else I've missed.

Not much happening on the adoption front for me.  We got approved 5 weeks ago and haven't heard anything since but I didn't expect to.  Just enjoying spending my DH's money at the moment on our house and looking forward to the Easter weekend next week and my Wedding Anniversary the weekend after - we're off to Brighton for a few days  

Fingers crossed the sun comes out soon, it's supposed to be lovely and hopefully it stays for the weekend  

Have a great day  

Love H xx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi girls,

Mavis - forms have gone off finally, struggled to fit all our info into those small boxes! I'm too used to using a computer these days - handwritten forms should be banned  

Tiger - that is tricky with your boss if he owns the company.  Hang on in there sweetie - hopefully he'll get the message eventually and leave you alone. All I can suggest really is give him the cold shoulder and avoid responding to his texts or calls. Living 5 mins from the beach must be heaven! Would love to be that close.  

Emily - have you phoned them yet? There's no harm in a gentle nudge!

Popsi - 8 visits down   You're well on your way to approval now!  you get a May panel  

CB - sorry they're making you wait a few weeks.    May will be here before you know it    

Tarango - good luck with your panel, I'm sure you'll sail through but the run up must be nerve wracking   

Carol - glad you had a lovely weekend in Dorset. It's a lovely county. 

Kirstyn - I hope you're feeling better & work isn't getting you down  You're doing some very stressful things at the moment so it's not surprising things are getting on top of you a bit. Try and take a bit of time out to indulge yourself at the weekends if you can. Weddings really do bring out the worst in families at times  I wonder why more people don't elope   Bet you looked fab in your dress  

Sam - good luck with your application. I hope you find an LA you like and can get started soon   

Rhonda - was it yesterday your SW visited? Can't wait to hear how things went   I hope she's the little girl for you and your DH    So exciting!

Jacks - welcome and good luck! You're not alone on being excited and terrified at the same time  

Lou - sorry to hear your doc worried you about what SS might say following your medical - sometime GPs should think before they speak! I'd have thought that the fact you've had no problems in the past 9 years would count in your favour    Your story about the little lad in year 6 made me  Doesn't he know how lucky he is to be a boy and period pain free   What a sweetie! 

HFI - enjoy Brighton and your anniversary. DH and I spent last weekend there - had a lovely couple of days. Great range of places to eat and shop! Found a great place for tapas and had a good meal in Jamie Olivers new restaurant in Brighton itself. 

Have a great weekend everyone,

CG xxxxx


----------



## Em26

Hi all,

Haven't got long to post, but do want to say I'm thinking for you all in all our various ups and downs! What a rollercoaster!

Thanks for all the advice and encouragement. I did call our LA on monday, and they called back yesterday with an Initial Visit date. It's not until the end of May, but we're actually feeling OK about that. We're going on holiday between now and then, and are trying to view the waits positively by taking time to prepare ourselves with piles of books and good chats with family and friends, so hopefully, we can kind of make our own progress even when nothing official is happening (if that makes sense!).

Anyway, I wish you all happy and sunny weekends.

Lots of love

Emily


----------



## Moppit

Ems26 - That makes perfect sense. We tried to do the same and when we had our initial visit the SW's said they were impressed with all the hard work we'd put in to understand the process and to do reading around the issues that prospective children might face. I can recommend an excellent book I've just read called 'An Adoption Diary' can't remember the author but I think her surname is James. I just ordered it from our local library and have already finished it. Its a brilliant first hand description of what its like to go through the process and of course it has a happy ending when the author finally becomes a Mummy when her adopted son comes home. Some other good ones are; A childs journey through placement, Parenting the Child that Hurts, The primal wound (very depressing though...).

Cotsworld Girl - Great to hear from you. Sounds like lots of you are enjoying trips to my home town of Brighton. Don't live there now but grew up there and know what a fab place it is, especially if the sun is shining.

Just seen on the web that Madonna had her adoption application for Mercy turned down. Have to admit to being a little pleased by this, it just seemed like because she had money she could just turn up and 'buy' a child without going through any of hte processes we are having to go through. Can you imagine any of our social workers signing her off as a prospective adopter I mean its hardly as if she spends anytiem with her children and when I think how much they have already pushed with me about going back to work at all let alone touring the world! Grrr.

Moppit x


----------



## Moppit

Not sure if any of you saw it but there was an interesting article in The Times yesterday about adoption. It didnt exactly make for very uplifting reading but did confirm what lots of us are already experiencing. For those interested in reading it see link to Times Website below:

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article6017777.ece

/links


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ladies

I read the artical in the paper and i am an adoptive mummy whom is over weight and i suffer from migranes(sp?) and have PCOS and take meds for both of these and it didnt stop me! my DH too is over weight HOWEVER has no medical problems and never has had (well other then cracking his cocyx on a bonucy castle! as an ADULT!) 

Please dont be put off with what is written in this artical-this is showing a neg view of social servies and the whole "care" system

I think my family have been lucky and both my children we LAC (looked after children- which means in care) for a very very short time and we were matched to them very quickly. I feel very sad by the bit about the over2yr olds and the issues "we may face" as this is scaring people off and its like when a child turns 2 they have been "written" off a bit- my DD was just turned 3 when she came home and yes its been hard work with her as she could talk and understand things to a degree however she is a very happy, confident little girl!

xxxx


----------



## Rossi

Good Morning Everyone,

Hope everyone is well this morning. Just wanted to say congratulations to Rhonda -   You must be both on cloud nine. I bet you never thought it could happen that quick - your dream is nearly there now. 

I don't really feel I have had much time to chat on here with everyone - most of you seem really good at posting... and I'm not! Will try and get better!
I have got the next few weeks off work as I am a teacher so hopefully I will have more time on my hands! Although my DH has already written a list of DIY jobs for me to do!

An update from me - Unfortunately the preparation courses have had to be put back a month - so we will now be starting in June instead of May. Apparently after speaking to a really lovely SW they have only 6 people for the prep course at the moment and are waiting another month to hopefully have more. They have been to see lots of people for initial visits however most weren't suitable to progress further - I am hoping they don't get postponed again - although she did say that this was highly unlikely - don't think it would look good having to swap days off again! However a group of 6 sounds quite nice really! Hopefully though if there aren't as many people looking to adopt in our area things should move quicker?  

Have a great weekend everyone. 

Zoe x


----------



## curvycat

Finally got some good news!  

I phone the LA this morning to see if they had any updates regarding my early medical and was told that they have approved me to be passed to the prep team YAY! 

I am now waiting for the letter and then for the prep team to contact me hopefully with the dates of the next course.

My other half believes that the next course was May so fingers crosses. 

After this worry I think I will be ok if they say July as at least I would know that we have leapt another hurdle.

Thank you all for your support, I am such a drama queen! 

Hope everyone is enjoying there weekend

x


----------



## popsi

just a realy quick one as i have a mountain of ironing.. but i just had to say

Kirstyn ... WELL DONE HONEY !!! you are not a drama queen at all, its such fab fab news that all is ok for you to proceed xxx we look forward to sharing the rest of your journey xxx .. oh i am so happy for you


----------



## mavis

Kirstyn,

I am so pleased for you, bet you breathed a sigh of relief, it is so hard when you have so much pinned on it.

Hi, to everyone else too, hope you are all ok.  

love,

mavis x


----------



## Camly

hiya

just wanted to say a massive 'whhoohoooooooooooooooooooooooooo' to kirstyn regarding the news on your med. sooo very pleased sweetie.

hi to all u lovelies x x x x x x x


----------



## Moppit

Kirstyn - Fantastic news! Congratulations!!! Now everything will sail along I'm sure.

Moppit x


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Kirstyn - that's fantastic news!! Wooohooooo....So very relieved and happy for you   Now you can start concentrating on having a fab wedding and moving onto your prep course and home study.  

Enjoy the rest of the weekend everyone.

CG xxxxx


----------



## popsi

Hey Mavis

Where did your post go honey xx i am sorry to hear your news, July does seem an excessive wait for you, its just not fair at all !! i cant believe they have not done more to help you get on with your homestudy, cant you speak to a manager there or something xx i am always here if you need anything xx


----------



## sonia7

Hi everyone

Can I introduce myself, my name is Sonia and live in redditch in worcestershire. We have had many treatments in the past few years and only a couple of days ago after my 4th IVF we were told our twins had died as they could not detect  heartbeats after my 8 weeks scan (had my 1st scan at 6 weeks) and I am still waiting to bleed.

We have decided enough is enough and will be looking into foster care and/or adoption. We decided to do this last year but said we will give the IVF one more go at a different clinic and so we did and got pregnant then lost our babies. It is so heartbreaking.

We are currently filling out the forms for foster care (which we got last year) but we will leave it a month or so before sending it as they may say its too soon after our loss (?)

Anyway hope to get to know you all.

Sonia xxx


----------



## popsi

Hi Sonia

I remember you from the PR thread, so sorry to hear your news x  your in the right place now all these ladies are wonderful for advice and support .. good luck xx


----------



## Moppit

Dear Sonia

Welcome to the board. So sad and sorry to hear about your recent loss. All the ladies on this board have been through so much but not much can be worse than having experienced the joy of getting pregnant only to lose your lovely babies along the way. Take time to grieve you will need your strength for the adoptino process but the wonderful thing about it is that there is a child or children at the end fo it. I think we all feel that whilst adoption is hard its easier in many ways than the roller coaster of IVF as at every step there is hope of become Mummys. This board will be a fantastic place for you the ladies on here are utterly amazing and know that we are all here for you.

Moppit x


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hello ladies

Sorry I havent posted for a while - life has been pretty hectic.

Just a real quick one from me, was woken at 5am yesterday morning by someone banging the front door, frighten the life outta me, looked out the window - police.  They said they needed to speak to dh urgently, as you can imagine, I was dreading the worst.  His father had taken a turn for the worse during the night - critical - and in her panic, his wife had forgotten dh phone number but she remembered our address but cos we are ex-directory, they wouldnt give it out, anyway the police had to get involved to notify us and he drove up to Cheltenham (about 2 hrs away) at 5.30am yesterday morning.  I have heard from him briefly, and he has been staying up in the Cotswolds as we are not sure if his dad will last much longer.  As you can imagine, I feel awful.  I had my nephew staying with us for the weekend and as I had the two children at that time of the morning I had no one to look after them so couldnt accompany dh. Anyway, the hospital are keeping FIL stable and I will keep you all posted.

Just wanted to welcome Sonia - Im so sorry for your loss, as Moppit says to go through all the tx only to lose along the way is just really cruel - I caught pg after tx last July, only to lose 6 weeks later so I do have some empathy as to what you are going through.

A huge hello to Popsi, Mavis, CG, Camly, Kirstyn, Zoe, MJ, Em, HFI, Lou, Tarango, CB, Rhonda, Carol and anyone else I have missed.  Sorry for lack of personals everyone but am still reading.......

Hope everyone is ok.
xx


----------



## curvycat

Hi sonia, 

I am so so sorry for your loss. I can not start to imagine the pain you are feeling right now and I hope that you and your DH will be able to take some time to recover.

I live pretty close to you in south birm and so if you want any local info about adoption please do not hesitate to pm me.

Tiger wow that was a major drama! I hope your FIL is ok my prayers are with you.

Hi everyone else xx


----------



## Carol 36

Hi All

Sonia my heart goes out to you and your DH, take time to grieve and take care of each other for a while before starting the process.  

Kirstyn that is fab news for you. You must be soooooo chuffed. 

Ahh Tiger    to you and your DH, take care xx

Mavis    hope they sort you out soon, this journey is stressful enough, without delaying things.

Big hello and Hugs to all the other lovely ladies on this post, hope you all had good weekends.

We are still waiting news from SW as to medical/refs, rung last Mon she was on leave, but has not called back!!!  Hope to have some good news soon
xx

xx


----------



## jrhh

Hi Ladies,

So sorry for not posting, I have been away on a course and just not had a min. Thanks so much for your lovely welcomes and all your support and reassurance that my feelings are completely normal.

Sonia welcome hunni and   to you. Life can be so cruel  and so hard. Take care and be gentle on yourself.

Kirstyn great news, I bet your realy excited.

Tiger massive   to you hunni. It must be horrid in limbo. I hope you get some positive news soon.

Mavis sorry to hear you have to wait, here's hoping the time goes by quickly. Its so hard when we are counting the weeks anyway.

Zoe fingers crossed the keep things moving for you and dh. Had to   at dh giving you a list of jobs, surely it should be the other way around  

M J thanks so much for your positive post re the article.

Moppit have to say I agree with your comments re Madonna too  

Hi to everyone else, I am still completely confused with everyone's names and willt ry ahrd to get to know you all soon. Thanks again for welcoming me  

Jacks x


----------



## popsi

hi girls.. sorry for lack of personals, my head is completely screwed with all the work on our competancies, hope you all forgive me   

just wanted to send tiger huge   you poor thing, and your DH its not a nice situation to be in and you must have had a terrible fright with the police xxxx

jrhh.. hiya and welcome back xx

everyone else masses of


----------



## curvycat

Hi all! 

I hope you are all really well. No letter yet! I think I scared the posty this morning waiting for the letter from the sw's! 

Poor bloke was almost knocked over by me and no letter  

Never mind hopefully tommorow

Popsi and jrhh I totally understand work issues! 

Carol I would call again babe. You never know! Fingers crossed for you  

Thank you everyone for your good wishes. It meant the world to me


----------



## popsi

LOL Kirstyn your postie be afraid to call before long LOL !!! ... its not work issues thats keeping me busy lol, its the work connected to the homestudy lol !! x


----------



## lou73

Hi all.
Kirstyn - fab news!! Really pleased for you.  Things will get motoring quickly now!!

Sonia - hi and welcome. Sorry for your loss. Good luck with your journey. The ladies on here are lovely and so kind and caring. 

Tiger - hope your FIL is more comfortable today. Look after yourselves. 

Hi to everyone else. Hope you had lovely weekends.

Only 2 and a half days left in school before I break up. My headteacher is being really horrid at the moment about the adoption. I have been arranging our HS visits for the afternoons when I am out of class on my planning time so that she doesn't have to pay for cover for my class. (although I am entitled to as much paid leave as we need) I always make sure that all my planning is done in my own time and my work is up to date, yet she is still being awkward about it and I feel guilty for even asking! She bugs me! 

Got that off my chest now!!! Trying not to get stressed out by it! x


----------



## jrhh

Hi Ladies,

Lou   to your headteacher surely you can argue your case or do you not want the stress. How can someone be so thoughtless and selfish, ooo makes me cross, rant away if it helps.

Kirstyn I have become obsessed by the post too and I have only just sent in my application  

Tiger is there any news hunni  

Popsi hone study hey, well done you, how do you find the time?

Hi to everyone else. One of my friends knows the worker for this area so spoke to her yesterday she sounds lovely so I hope we get her. I am so keen for this to start now as it feels right. Terrifying but right  

Ok dinner....

Jacks x


----------



## popsi

jrhh... lol !! homestudy is what the visits from the social worker are called .. gosh i dont actually study !! well only adoption things x... you will soon get used to all the terms used for it, sometimes when i am talking to my friends they have to stop me and say what are you on about LOL !!!

tiger.. how are things honey xx

much love to everyone else, well looks like our panel will be on 20th May we were told today, so fingers crossed it does not get delayed for anything xx


----------



## lou73

Hi all - hope you are having a lovely week and looking forward to the long weekend! I hope the weather is nice for us all. I want to get some serious gardening done and hopefully a bit of painting!! 

Jacks - thanks. Have decided the headteacher really isn't worth bothering with. I am only staying so I get my year off (even though I won't get paid!!) then I will look for another job. I did get a call last week from a school I had an interview at offering me a job that would be a promotion!! I just feel a bit stuck where I am at the mo because I can't really move now we are half way through our HS!!

Popsi - Wow, 20th May is really close!! Your panel will be here before you know it!

Have a lovely weekend everyone. 
Happy Easter - enjoy the chocolate!!! Yum Yum!

Lou x


----------



## hornauth

hi all

i hope you dont mind me joining you?

we've had 5 d-iui's and 2 d-ivf's...all BFN and are now considering the adoption route.  1st sw visit 28th april...any advice would be much appreciated and i look forward to learning about all your stories and experiences.

deb x


----------



## Jinglebell

Hi all,

Have posted on here a couple of times before.  I'd like some advice if you don't mind.  My sister is due to go to panel soon but said to me yesterday that she told her DH she didn't want children any more.  Knowing my sister as I do, I don't think she really feels that way, but after so many years of trying and with all the hassle of the adoption process, I think she may be trying to 'cope' with the situation by saying this.  She also says it's too late now and she's too used to the lifestyle they've got, which I can understand as I sometimes have a panicky wobble when I remember that having kids is not like having cats!  But to hear this from my sister is a massive surprise as it's all she's wanted for about the last ten years.  

My question is, has anyone else had these feelings - that they should just give up, or convinced themselves that they don't want kids?  She's also started going out a lot more, booking holidays, buying clothes - do you think it might be because they are so close to getting their family, she's just a bit overwhelmed by it all?

J x


----------



## ShazJohn

Good Morning Jinglebell,

I think it is normal to have a wobble after waiting so long.  I have not waited as long as your sister but I still have these wobbles and have have been approved 16 months now and still waiting to be placed.  I would recommend her and her DH going to panel as when they are approved they can still pull out at anytime before matching, but to have to go through HS again if she changes her mind would be a big step back.

I am sure others on this wonderful site will have more advise for you.

All the best 

Shazjohn xx


----------



## Moppit

Deb (Hornouth) - Welcome to the board. You are in totally the right place, the ladies on here are utterly fantastic for informatino and support. Great news that you have a date for your initial interview. Our stories sound a little similar. We had 5 attempts at IVF with donor eggs and decided after the 5th failed attempt that we just couldnt continue. We are now on the adoption road and feel alot more positive. Although its sad to have given up on the chance of carrying a child I can honestly say that the relief of getting off the rollercoaster of fertility treatment is huge and knowing that adoption means that there will be a child at the end of it is a great feeling, I never really felt that way about IVF. We are not far ahead of you, had our initial meeting in February and off to Prep groups in a month's time. We went to see a girl that I have met on these boards last night and had a fantastic evening hearing of their experiences I feel totally uplifed this morning. They are both totally in love with their girls and loving every minute of being parents. It made all that we are going through totally worthwhile to see what a happy ending it can be!

Jinglebell - Your sister's feelings must be hard for you as you are also going through the adoption process. I am sure the way she is feeling could well be related to the stress of the whole process and the fact that she is finally getting close. I can't relate to the way she is feeling but that could be because I'm only at the early stages of the process I am sure there are times when all prospective adopters feel at the end of their tether and ready to give up so I doubt she is alone. It sounds like she really needs to work through these feelings before going to panel though as firstly they are sure to pick up on them and secondly she does need to be ready to take on a child that needs her love. It might be a good idea for her to have some counselling so she has an opportunity to talk through with someone completely unconnected to the adoption how she is feeling. This might help her to work through her feelings and reconcile her fears so that she can move forward more positively. If you don't have details of counsellors you can get one from her GP or by going online, there are lists of counsellors who specialise in this area. Anyway just an idea... feel for her and you, this is such a difficult process.

Lou - Glad you have decided not to worry about the head teacher - you have far more important and exciting things to focus on!

Love to all

Moppit x


----------



## Chocolate Button

Just wanted to pop on and to say happy easter to all my friends.

Still not got laptop fixed so sorry for lack of posts and personals. 
I am going to call and rant down the phone to pc world now  

Off to our caravan for weekend, but will check in again asap. xxx

Love to all. xxxxxxx


----------



## jrhh

Hi Ladies 

 Popsi on the homestudy. I am def an adoption virgin so will need all the help I can get with the adoption jargon! Oooooo 20th May that sounds fab, bet your excited and nervous all at once  

Choc button thanks and have a lovely break away.

Deb hello and welcome, I am a newbie too and have had a lovely welcome. Its heartbreaking the fertility trt isn't it and its a huge step considering adoption but I have to say I feel so much more positive since I took the first step.

Jinglebell, I have to agree with Moppit and think it would be great for your sister to chat to someone. I think her feelings sound "normal" but it would be good for her to be able to get things clear in her head.

Lou well done on the job offer, will you take it?

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all ok.

Have a lovely Easter everyone enjoy and its also a really good excuse to eat lots of choc!!

Jacks xx


----------



## MissSunshine

Hey all you lovely mummy's in waiting!!

Just wanted to wish you all a very

HAPPY EASTER!!!!

As you can imagine DH and I are still very much on cloud 9!! We can't wait until July when we can bring our 'Sunshine' home.....  We are due to start our home study this week and we can't wait!!!

Love to you all, 
Rhonda.XxXxXxXxX


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi everyone, just a quick post....

Rhonda - you must be sooooo excited! July will be here before you know it   

Big hugs to Tiger and her DH    

Sonia - so very sorry to hear of your loss, I can't imagine how tough the last few months have been for you  

Welcome to Jinglebell and Deb. Look forward to getting to know you.

Kirstyn - has the post arrived? 

Still no news our end! Will be ringing SS later this week to check they've received our application form and see if we can get any info out of them about when we might get on a prep course! Just want to know when it might be  

CG xxx


----------



## mavis

Hi CG,

Hope you get some news from them soon.  Who can blame you for wanting to know when it will be.

Good Luck,

Hi to everybody else, 

mavis x


----------



## Moppit

Morning Lovely Ladies

Sun shining in London but not happy to be at work after a nice Easter Weekend. Hope you all had good ones. We went to see my parents down in Brighton for a couple fo days. Was good to see them but left feeling a bit flat as they don't seem very positive about adoption and so want them to be as excited as we are and as supportive as possible. We had a long chat about the process and where we are with things (they have been away for 9 weeks in NZ so lots to catch up on). They still seem fixated on the idea of us continuing with treatment and even started suggesting surrogacy saying they would pay for us to go the US. This really hurt as we have thought about all the options and decided that we cannot face anymore treatment and that surrogacy just doesnt seem right. My mother ended up saying 'don't you want the experience of holding a new born in your arms'. I couldnt believe it when she said it, doesnt she know that there is nothing I would want more in the world than to experience this but fate means I never will because we can't have children. I know we are immersed in everything and so its easier for us to come to terms with adoption but I wish they would be more supportive. I have always felt guilty about not being able to give them grandchildren and now I feel even more guilty. 

Has anyone else felt like this or experienced reactions like this from their family? Not sure what to do as I know I won't be able to move forward positively myself unless I feel I have their support. 

The problem is that everything they have read about adoption is negative - only older children available, all children have serious issues etc and I think they just want us to have the experience of having babies. I know they mean well but I just don't think they understand how much it hurts.

Moppit x


----------



## Shoe Queen

Morning ladies

Hope you all had a good weekend.  As for us, FIL is still hanging on but is now in a coma-like state so dh has been up there this weekend and am just waiting for news - basically he is waiting for him to take his last breath   so sad.

Apart from that weekend was spent with family which was lovely however, we had so many chocolate eggs that we could open our own store!!!!

Mavis - hi hunny, how was your weekend? where are you in the process now?

Moppit -   you poor thing, I can understand why you are upset, the main people we want support of is our parents.  I feel like that too sometimes, even though my family say adopting a child is wonderful I am sure they still want us to go through more tx.  Nobody can understand the heartbreak of tx unless they have been through it and I couldnt go through anymore tx. I often worry whether if we are lucky enough to adopt a child whether my family would love this child as much as their own flesh and blood? Im sure everyone has those worries but a bit of support wouldnt go a miss.

CG - hope you get some results this week and get booked on that course!!

Rhonda - wow its all moving so quickly - July will be here before you know it - let us know how you get on with the HS!

Jacks - how you doing hunny? how was your weekend?

CB - have a lovely break xx

Shaz - Lovely to see you here - look forward to chatting!

Deb - look forward to getting to know you too!

Jingle - how you are doing?

Lou - did you get much gardening done? the weather has been gorgeous!!

Popsi - panel date whoo hooo - fab news, not long to go now - you much be so excited! How did the HS go?

Kirstyn - any news yet? have you had the letter?!

Carol - any news your end?

Sonia - so sorry to hear your news hun - you definitely need time to grieve - it took me a long time to get over my loss last year too but hopefully in time you will. 

A big hello to anyone ive forgotten (im sure there are a few) apologies if so!!

Hope you are all ok 

xxx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Moppit

Massive 

Sorry to hear how your parents have been about adoption- it the age old thing of "if you havent been through it you cant understand it" in ref to how painful it is to go through tx and for it to fail time and time again.

Do you think your parents are just worried about the whole "adoption thing" as like you say the media does put a neg spin on things and maybe they "think" having a baby via another means would be less "hassle" 

For us my MIL was begging us to stop tx/ttc and adopt about 2yrs before we decided enough was enough ............ they have been very supportive of us HOWEVER dont really understand adoption /the care system and its affects

My mum is very happy for us too HOWEVER still thinks one day i will get preg- no matter how much i tell her i wont - for her its the thing of "so and so got told they couldnt and now have 4kids" 

xxxx


----------



## sonia7

Hi everyone

Hope you all had a good easter weekend and ate lots of chocolate. I did !!   

I am just wondering I know you all are going through the adoption route but was wondering if any of you or know anyone on fertility friends going through the fostering route. We have decided to foster first then go for adoption in a few years time. We are giving IVF a break now. I just need to be proactive, it helps me with moving on, otherwise I would sit in my house and cry all the time and end up with Depression again, and I don't want to do that. When I had my last miscarraige I went back to work too soon and couldn't cope with it as I work with the elderly and we mainly do reminiscence activities where most of the time they talk about their children and grandchildren and I was crying at work all the time. I think thats why my work doesn't want me back yet.
We had already decided last year we would foster as we want to help the children too. So made the initial enquiry last thursday and got some information about fostering.

MJ - You are so right about people saying you might fall pregnant naturally. My dad said that last Sunday when I was explaining that even after 7 years of TTC and TTC naturally in between the IVF's, if it aint happened in 7 years it never will. "Ah well" he says "has anyone actually said to you you can't have any children of your own," I said I had tests done and it proves I could struggle with concieving naturally. "Ah" dad goes "but they haven't ruled out the fact that you could concieve naturally." In the end I just gave up and just agreed with him. I am fed up of arguing the fact that I need IVF. Then other people saying that I can't carry, because I have had now 2 miscarraiges (miscarried one baby three years ago and twins a couple of weeks ago) and had loads of IVF Treatments and  its like yeah thanks for that.   and these are the people who have concieved naturally their children and don't have a clue what me and DH are going through.  
Sorry for the rant.

Anyway hope you all have a good day

Sonia xx


----------



## MissSunshine

Hi all,

Just to let you all know that we should be having our 1st home visit on Friday, if not next Wednesday!!!

So excited!!!!
XxX


----------



## mavis

Hi Tiger,

Sorry about your news, it must be very hard at the moment.

Our BH weekend was nice thank you, got up to loads and had a birthday! damn another year older.  Got spoilt by my wonderful DH   

He has been a rock for me these last few weeks when things have got tough.  Our SW is off now until July so we have to wait for another HS appt till then, I was so disappointed especially after 8 weeks of on and off appts, but feeling better now and what will be will be.  It I am sure is swings and roundabouts for everybody at some point.

How are you doing? 

mavis x


----------



## mavis

Hi Sonia,

I think there are a couple of people on the Foster route, you could post on the main board as they may miss it on here.  Gooc Luck.

I am sorry to you for your losses   keep ur chin up.

mavis x


----------



## Moppit

Morning lovely ladies

Still feeling low about my parents, can't decide whether to write to them and tell them how I am feeling or leave it. Just wish they would try and be positive about adoption and not sure I can face this long journey without their support. My Mum's words 'don't you want to hold a newborn in your arms' keep runnign through my mind. I just can't believe she could be so insensitive. Do you guys think I should tell them how I feel or leave it?

Sadness last night was compounded by yet another good friend (our best man this time) calling to say he and his wife are expecting. Feels like just about everyone we know is announcing this news at the moment. DH keeps telling me to see the positive side that they will have children the same age as ours by the time ours arrive but it doesnt stop me feeling sick with jealousy.

Sonia, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Your story sounds like a sad one. This board is great but the girls are right I think there is a fostering one on here which may also be useful.

Tiger - Have been thinking of you and DH, so sad about your FIL and must be really hard for both of you.

MJ - Thanks for your kind words of advice.

Have a good day all

Moppit x


----------



## MissSunshine

Yippeeeeeee!!

We've got our 1st visit on Friday and our 2nd next Wednesday, so it's all moving pretty fast!!! 

Moppit- sending you big hugs....        Sorry you're having a rough time of it.XxX


----------



## lou73

Hi all, 
hope the Easter weekend was nice for everyone. I always love Spring and Easter - the promise of new life (hopefully for us all somewhere out in that big old world! )

Moppit - hope you are feeling a tiny bit better. I don't think other people understand about those 'trivial' things like other people getting pregnant etc. But it is a huge deal - it's times like that it does hit you. Please don't worry about being upset and angry - I feel really mad sometimes and want to scream about how unfair it all is. Keep your chin up - remember that little Moppit is out there waiting for you! 

We had another visit yesterday - we did the matching forms! That was horrible and I felt so guilty about it. I hated the fact that we had to choose what we could accept in a child's background - e.g. Would you accept a child with limited life expectancy (!) We said that we didn't want to seem really selfish, but we couldn't go through all this and love a child who would be taken away from us again soon. We both felt like we were playing 'God' but DH said that anybody who was pregnant themselves would not wish for any of those conditions for their own child. 

The SW did keep saying though that we should definately say yes to the relinquished baby category. 

Sorry about that! Had to say it though. Anyone else feel the same?

Our references are being visited in the next few weeks! I have been naughty and put my work reference as the assistant head - there is no way that I would want that nasty headteacher to have anything to do with our family!!   I explained that the assistant knew us both really well and I worked really closely with her so she knows what I am like as a teacher. Our 4 personal references are great too - though our parents are stressing!! The SW said she would love to meet both sets of parents as she feels she knows so much about our families already!

Got our Health and Safety assessments next week - I am fighting the urge to paint the whole house (or any rooms!!) They don't need it as it's a new house! I am occupying myself with the garden - lots of lovely new plants to put in tomorrow! (not for the SW - just cos it needs doing!! )

Sorry it's a long one!! 

Hugs to everyone!


----------



## jrhh

Hi Ladies,

Tiger    its horrid the "waiting" I hope its all over for you all soon, I remember it all too well when my brother was terminally ill and it was a relief when it was all over as it meant he was at peace. Make sure you eat lots of those Easter eggs   I'm doing ok thanks every day brings a little less pain though a friend announced her pg and it always hurts like hell even though you put the smile on your face and say congrats.

Moppit please don't give yourself such a hard time hun, the feelings you feel are completely normal and we all get them on any pg announcement, life can be so hard. I think if you feel that upset about your parents comments it would be good to talk to them again about how you feel, otherwise you will keep having it going around your head. It may help you make sense of how you are feeling too. You have every right to be hurt by how they feel but remember no one really understands the impact it has on our lives and how painful any decision can be    

Lou god how horrid having to fill out the forms. I would have done the same though and how could you loose a child after such a long wait. Good for you not putting your boss down, why should you if you haven't have her support. Fingers crossed.

Rhonda how exciting bet you are smiling all the time!!!

Sonia good luck with the Fostering hun.

CG have you had any news yet?

Mavis HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! Glad you got spoilt. Good to read you are feeling more positive.

Hi to everyone else hope you all had a lovely Easter.

We had a lovely time and just did day trips out it was great I felt so lucky having some family time. I contacted the adoption agency yesterday and they have only just processed the interest so it looks like it will be another 3-4 weeks before we even get an appointment to go in to see them. Have to say I am trying to remain patient as I know how long all this takes but its hard hey!  I guess its a good thing though as they will prob make us wait as its not 6 months since our failed IVF anyway.  Its so frustrating though especially as adoption was something we had thought about before we decided to try one more time.

Love to all

Jacks x


----------



## mavis

Hi Jacks,

Thank you for your kind words.

I am sorry to hear about your brother.

Glad to hear you had a nice break and managed to get some lovely days out  

The waiting is so hard, I hope you hear soon, I have found that it helps to set small goals/tasks in between waiting times, I find this really helps at times as well as the usual work etc, I have completed so many projects I have never been so productive!  and I mst say I am quite proud.  

Good Luck    

love,

mavis x


----------



## sonia7

Hi everyone

Hope you are all okay. I was kinda annoyed yesterday, has anybody else been told this. Basically, I rang our local authority people to enquire about fostering and I spoke to a social worker and he asked me if I had any children and I said No, we have had many IVF Treatments and have decided enough is enough and would like to try fostering. He then said have you thought about Adoption I said Yes, we have spoken at length about Adoption but I feel I need more experience with children (with emotional issues I was going to say but got interrupted by Social worker) he obviously then thought I have no experience with children and went on about "its very important to be able to look after children and have some form of experience with them in both fostering and adoption". He says "maybe you could borrow your friends children and babysit them and maybe stay overnight" I just let him carry on talking so in the end I said "well I have been having my friend's children over babysitting for the weekend once a fortnight the past year and been going out doing many activities, she has four children aged 1, 11 and two 15 year olds (twins), also we have been looking after whenever neccesary our neighbour's son who is 11, also I have been a nanny on a temporary contract for 3 children aged 6 weeks, 2 years, and 7 years old. Plus I went to Moldova (near russia) for three months as a teaching assistant, teaching russian 5 year old children speak english and I have worked with children and adults with learning disabilities, then I said I don't know how far you want me to go back too, but when I was younger I was a young carer looking after my brother (there is a 10 year age gap between us) as my mum was very poorly and my dad was in the RAF so had to go and do his duties."  He then said, "oh oh yes mmm yes you have got quite a bit of experience with children of different ages."  And I thought to myself yeah just because I have no children don't presume I havent been looking after children or working with them !
Has anyone else been through that ? It really annoyed me.  

The other fostering agency that is near me only take children over 10 years old, also children with a learning disability and challenging behaviour, when I said to this Social worker who sounded really nice on the phone that I used to work with children and adults with learning disabilities and challenging behaviour she said "Ooo ! That is great to know " But really we would like children under 5 years old but I did feel guilty about those older children. Me I would take care of all of them but they won't fit in my 2 bedroom house I am afraid. But we are going to go to their information meeting on 27th April.

LOU - Can I ask what does relinquished baby category mean ?  

Good luck to all of you.

Sonia xx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi

This is what i would call "old fashioned adoption" which is where the birth mother gives the baby up and the baby isnt removed for "lack of care/danger" reasons, babies can not be legally relinquished until 6weeks post birth as the mental state of a women is not classed as "sound judgement" until 6weeks post birth (hope i dont offend anyone with my wording!)



sonia7 said:


> LOU - Can I ask what does relinquished baby category mean ?


----------



## popsi

hi 

just a real quicky ...

mavis.. good to see you about honey xx

tiger.. thinking of you and your DH at this sad time xx

moppet.. you should speak to your mum honey I know its hard for them to understand but you need to tell her your feelings xx

sonia.. sorry you were treated like that on the phone.. dont let them spoil your plans x

jrhh, cg, cw, lou, and everyone else xxx 

well we have toniht had our last  home study visit and been told she will be 100% recommending us to be approved at panel on 20th May, so we have to take our competencies in in 2 weeks (lucky i work next door to her office) and then read our Form F.. then hopefully panel will agree     and not get cancelled !


----------



## popsi

MJ... GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SPONSORED WALK, GREAT YOU NOW HAVE A LINK TO SPONSOR YOU ON XX


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hello girls

Just a quick one - dh dad passed away last night.

Speak soon

Cath xx


----------



## MissSunshine

Cath  

Oh honey, I'm so sorry to hear you very sad news. Sending lots of love and hugs to you and DH...     

XxX


----------



## mavis

Hi Popsi,

Thank you, Nice to be about again! - what have you decided to do abotu your competencies?

Great news - yey, well done you guys, got it all crossed for you.   How are you feeling?

Tiger,

I am sorry to hear your news.

Look after yourselves.

mavis x


----------



## Moppit

Tiger - So sad to hear your news. I know it must be a relief to know he is nolonger in pain but the grief must be horrible. Take care of yourself and DH. You are an amazing wife and I know will give him all the support he needs. Your FIL will now be looking down on you willing the adoption process along.

Popsi - Massive congratulations on completing your home study - what a milestone!!

Sonia7 - It sounds like you have a fanastic amount of childcare experience far more than the average natural parent. They should want to snap you up in a second. Don't be afraid to stick to your guns on age you need to do whats right for you.

Off to Paris this weekend to see a girlfriend who has a little boy through egg donation. Can't wait.

Love to all and have nice weekends.

Moppit x


----------



## Carol 36

Hi All

Tiger v sorry for your loss, big   to both you, and your family.

Hey Mavis good to see you online too, sorry not been about had a crap time at work this week!!! Off today to take niece and nephew to cinema.

Popsi you must be very excited alwayd good to hear lovely news about peoples journeys.

Sonia sorry to hear about your experience on the phone don't let it put you off, you know you have ample experience, and will be a wonderful Mum, just by the strength you have already shown in your life.

Moppit I too feel I am surrounded by a baby boom and some of my so called friends have been v insensitive about it!!! What you are feeling is totally natural, I am sure the best of us have felt/feel like it at somepoint.

Rhonda I can almost feel your beaming smile!! Good for you I would be exactly the same.

No news for me just waiting for CRB forms then a possibility of a prep course, it is all a bit up in the air to be excited about at the moment.

Hello to all the other wonderful/support/caring ladies on this thread

lots of love for a great weekend
xxx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Cath- massive hugs to you and DH- thinking of you all x

xxxx


----------



## mavis

Hi Carol,

Thank you.

Ooh let us know what you went to see and how you got on.  

Ice cream? popcorn? yummy  

Hope you get some movement soon,

mavis x


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## Carol 36

Hi 

Went and saw Monsters v Aliens was okish for a kids film, a few moment tickled me, but niece & nephew loved it, which was the main thing. 

No treats for me in the cinema, as dieting !!! Still will be worth it in the end.

Happy wkends to you all

xx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Hi everyone,

Mavis - still not heard from SS. DH phoned them today - said they'd phone back but didn't   All a waiting game I know and given the time you've been on this road I feel bad for complaining about our lack of progress   I hope when things get going again in July they make up for messing your appts up and get you to panel quickly  A belated     - glad it was a good one. 

Moppit - sending you big hugs   So sorry to hear that your mum has been so insensitive. It's tough when the people you think will understand don't, but like others have said those who haven't gone through any of this really don't understand how tough it all is and that all you need is support. Could your DH perhaps have a word with her? I wonder if it might be better coming from him than you as he'll be able to say it without getting emotional - he can also let your parents know that you're both 100% set on adopting and just want their support. In the meantime try not to let some insensitive comments get to you. You're doing the right thing and they'll come around when they see you with your child(ren). Perhaps you could find some positive stories about adoption and let them see these - they're probably just trying to protect you and would be horrified if they thought they'd upset you.
Hope you enjoy Paris!

Sonia - wow I'm impressed by the amount of childcare experience you have and SS should be too   I wish I had half your experience! I think at thisstage they just try and put up as many barriers as possible to sort out the men from the boys   but it does get waring when 'natural' parents don't have to have any experience at all. We seem to need to prove we're superhuman! 

Rhonda - hope your first visit went well today. Let us know how it went. Still very excited for you hun  

Lou - that matching form must be really difficult but don't feel too guilty about the things you said you can't deal with - you've got to be honest with them and will make someone a lovely Mum   Good idea about putting the assistant head down for a reference   Your head sounds a nightmare! Keep resisting that urge to paint the house ahead of the health and safety visit - freshly painted walls aren't going to make any difference to the assessment - if you want to keep busy you can come and paint my house  

Jacks - patience is a virtue we're all struggling with  

Popsi - you're on the home run now! You must be so relieved to hear your SW say those wonderful words    panel date stays the same.

Have a great weekend everyone, 

CG xxxxx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Cath - so very sorry to hear about your FIL    Take care   

CG xxxx


----------



## Camly

hi girls

cath - so sorry to hear your sad news. at least your FIL is at peace now. thinking about you.

take care


love camly x x x x


----------



## curvycat

Hi girls yet another mad week.

Best friend had an eptopic preg and ended up looking after her and her 2yr old daughter. Poor thing didnt want to tell me as she thought I would be upset! I am not sure I know what is worst those who walk rough shod over our feelings or those who pussy foot around us.

Have recieved a letter from Prep team and training should be in next few months! Fingers crossed!!!! Now waiting for letter to say when! 

cath really sorry to hear your news. I am sure he will become your own special angel and send to you good luck and vibes during your journeys.

Moppit I think mums feel they have a right to say the crappiest of things, mine told me the other day that she hoped I would not expect them to be granny and grand dad! I remind myself I am not doing this for them! You are doing the right thing for you and sod everyone else!

Sonia I think they refered to your childcare experience as I result of what they thought you meant. You have loads you can offer to either adoption or fostering. Personally I think that fostering could test your experience more as these kids could be very very traumatised.

Lou I know I am going to struggle with the matching form as I feel we shouldnt turn anyone down! I do have to remind both myself and my partner that we are in this to be parents not social workers and that we have to do the best we can to make this work. I do remember however that if we have a baby there will always be so much still left to fate.

Popsi not long now!!!!! I am so jealous. But in a good way  

Carole well done on the diet! I have had a dreadful week and put on 4 pound!!!! 

CC hello hope you hear something soon. What are you waiting for??

Mavis I hope you are hanging in there babe. sending you all my love as always  

To everyone else HI sorry I have not added a personal I am rubish at personals!!!! 

Have a good weekend everyone. I am trying to book one more for our wedding/holiday, cleaning and shopping and then chilling with DVD's and my baby! We have been apart most of the week whilst I stayed at best mates and so we need some us time.

xxxxx


----------



## sonia7

Hi everyone

Thankyou so much for your positive comments about my childcare experience, that has made me feel a bit better and a bit more positive. This morning I couldn't handle anything and just broke down and cried and cried cried. I haven't started bleeding yet for my miscarraige so it looks like I have to go to hospital for a D&C or ERPC or something like that anyway which I didn't want to do, I wanted to miscarraige naturally (well didn't want a miscarraige at all but you know what I mean) and knowing I am carrying 2 dead babies inside me is making me feel worse. But in a strange sort of way, enquiring about fostering and filling out the forms etc is a positive step for me to focus on and then by the time the ball starts rolling so to speak I should no I will be okay. I am okay anyway but at times have the odd moment of where I cry. Then I keep thinking the fostering people are going to turn us down because of the bad luck we are having at the moment, we could add that one to the list. I wish I came on here this morning and read your comments then I would not got myself in such a state like I did. I have only done the initial enquiry at the moment for fostering and have received some information. The filling out forms is for another foster agency even though we may not go with them I thought we would fill out the forms ready so we have all the info to give to the chosen foster agency anyway.    

CATH     to you and your family.

Hope everyone else is okay

Sonia xx


----------



## jrhh

Cath I am so sorry to hear your news I hope dh is coping OK. Big   coming your way and feel free to PM me if you need a chat. Take care.

Sonis oh sweetheart what can I say, I am at a loss.       you are one brave lady and you deserve rightly to have a huge cry. The fostering is a good focus for you. Hang on in there.

Kirstyn I know what you mean about friends treating you with kid gloves it hard hey. Hope you are enjoying your chill out time.

CG its so frustrating all the waiting hey, and I am just beginning     to them not returning dh's call.

Rhonda how did the visit go yesterday?

Moppit hope your having a lovely time in Paris, especially with such a visit.

Carol well done on no cinema treats, I need to loose some weight just can't seem to get motivated at the mo. What age group would like the film? Is a two and a half year old too young?

Popsi great news on the last home study, bet that feels so good.

Hi to all the other ladies, sorry I am missing personals still, I'm still trying to remember everyone  

Had a lovely day in the garden today followed by a BBQ it was fab. Here's hoping we have another sunny day tomorrow. Have a lovely Sunday Ladies.

Jacks x


----------



## curvycat

anyone else cry at the little boy on Britains got talent!!


----------



## mavis

Kirtsyn, Yes me and goosies   too, bless him.

Hope things have settled a little for you now and dh have had some nice time.

Sonia, I am so sorry to hear you are having such a rough time of it at the moment. Look after yourselves.  Big hug to you.

Carol, Sounded cool to me, glad you had a good time  

CG, Big hug to you, dont be daft, we all have a rough time of it, I hope you hear back Monday if not hope you will chase them and hopefully get some news out of them! argh why is it so painful.  Hope you have had a nice weekend.

Jacks, Day out in the garden sounded like a tonic and a bbq - lovely.

Hi to everybody else too.

love, mavis x


----------



## MissSunshine

I did!!! He was amazing!!!! 

Our home visit yesterday went really well. We sat down and done our geo-gram. Talked about our support network etc.
She also said that it was 'sunshines' best interest court appearance on Thursday, and the panel agreed that it's in her best interests to be adopted, so things are really happening for us......and quickly!! From best interest hearing to placing a child, they like to try and do it within 3months when a child is so young like 'sunshine' is. So we are still looking set for the end of July!!!

We are going to start looking at cots and buggies tomorrow as this is going to be the shortest 'pregnancy' in history!!   Still can't wait though. Got our 2nd visit on Wednesday, and homework to do before then.......!  

Going to go to bed now, as I think I'm getting a cold....typical!! Back to work on Monday, and will be going back feeling like poop!!

Love to all,
Rhonda.XxXxX


----------



## mavis

Rhonda, how lovely, so happy for you, x


----------



## popsi

rhonnda.. amazing xx

yes the boy was amazing and lives not too far away from me    not that i am proud or anything lol xxx


----------



## Carol 36

Ahh Sonia bless you must be all over the show at the moment, a very very emotional time. A good cry is a good way of releasing. You are doing amazing to pick youself up to focus on the fostering.   . With your wealth of experience and you sound like a wonderful strong person, any child place with you would be v lucky. 

Kirstyn ahh I did cry at little boy too bless him. Soz bout your friend, you are amazing dealing with all your the major things going on in your life and still find time to support others on top of everything. Fab friend

Jacks think film might be more suited to older children, youngest child I saw there was bout 7. v jealous on bbq in garden hope you had fun.

Glad all going well for you Popsi

Rhonda all very exciting, so pleased for you.xx


Moppit hope you are having a fantastic time in Paris.

CG=   hope you get news soon.

Mavis hey hon hope you are having a good weekend  

Lou just be honest  and follow your heart when filling in the forms   

Cath just more    to your I am guessing you need em right now.

Lot of love to all you fab ladies

xx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Sonia, sweetheart so sorry for what you're going through at the moment - it must be so hard for you   You will make a fab mummy and SS will see that. A good cry is something we all need from time to time and you have more reason than most to feel tearful at the moment. You can't bury those emotions for ever and need a release from them and grieve for what you've lost. Given your childcare experience I wouldn't have thought you'd have any problems when you start the process of fostering or adopting. You will get there   

Kirstyn- sorry to hear about your friend. It's good that you've been able to be there for her and I'm sure she really appreciates your support.   Great to hear you'll be on a prep course soon. That's the news we're waiting for - so far SS haven't given us any idea of when we can expect to get on one. 

Rhonda - it's so good to hear some positive news and that things are moving quickly for you. You must be on   Sounds like your little girl will be home with you soon   Must be fantastic being an expectant mum - enjoy all that baby shopping you've been waiting so long to do  

CG xxxxx


----------



## curvycat

CG this waiting around is just a night mare! 

We have been told we will be on a prep course within the next 3 months and should here exactly when  weeks before so I am hoping to hear something in the next 4 weeks. If I havent I will be on the phone. 

Just had some news that has made me feel unsure how to feel.

One of my mates from work just called me to tell me she is 12weeks pregnant. I am sort of happy for her but also feel jealous. I feel really guilty for feeling that way. Why is it that some can get pregnant so easily. She was not trying is in a bad relationship and doesnt want children. She said she is excited now and her and her partner are trying to work things out. 

I know we have our plans and that adoption is right for us so why do I feel cheated some how?


----------



## MissSunshine

Kirstyn,
Don't feel guilty for your feelings, you are only human sweetie. 
When I suffered a miscarriage, it was the final nail in the coffin for me, and it forced me to go to have counselling, and one of the things that stands out in my mind is I said that I was feeling like 'there are two other people at work who are pregnant, and I hate them for the fact that they haven't had to go through what I have.......' Just for having those feelings I thought I was a bad, horrible person, but my counsellor said, don't ever feel bad. You need to recognise these feelings before you can address them and then move forward.  

It's always hard when you hear of someone else being pregnant, but unfortunately people around us always will....... 

I hope that made sense?? 
Take care of yourself.
XxX


----------



## cindyp

I don't get online as much as I used to, can't think why    However I would just like to say a belated hello to all you ladies starting out on the adoption experience.

Kirstyn, don't feel guilty for your feelings they are perfectly natural and to be honest they may take a while to go away.  I know when you start looking at the forms for children it can seem galling that we have to work so hard to get our children when some birth mothers just seem to churn out babies like a production line.

Sonia, my sympathies for what you are experiencing at the moment.  I know from experience how crushing it is to have your dream taken away like that.

Rhonda, congratulations on your match, not long till the summer.

To all of you best wishes on your journeys to your new families.

Cindy x


----------



## Carol 36

Hi All

I am going to post a very upset/angry/jealous and judgemental post!! V sorry if I offend anyone.

Well basically DH's Nephew 's girlfriend is expecting their 3rd child, yes good luck to him, but when it is born it will give him 3 kids under 2!!!! He is 21 and his girlfriend is 20, neither of them work or have any intention of doing so and constantly ask to borrow money from us under the guise of kids have no milk/nappies!! So we feel guilty and give it to him. They have also got themselves a puppy which they have not had it jabs cos can't afford it!!!Err don't get a dog if you cannot afford to look after it, plus obviously putting kids at risk!! He only contacts us for money or when it is childrens bday/crimbo for pressies or like today got a txt bout pregnancy & when are we visiting for oldest ones 2nd birthday!!!

It just makes me v cross all we all have been/going through, while they have it all, whilst we all pay for them!!! 

Sorry I told this not v pleasant, I think by the tone of the post I am upset/angry!!!    

Hope you are all have fab weekends enjoying the Sun we were til this txt. So the easter eggs I have not touched cos of diet are chillng in the fridge!!!


----------



## mavis

Dear Kirstyn and Carol,

I am sorry for how you are both feeling and confirm that I at times when similar happens feel like this too as do I think any of us here do as we all want a child.  It has made me tearful for you both as I know the pain.

I dont think it ever goes away all the while we are waiting, but I think when we get what we hope for then it will.

You are both who you are and it is good to let out how you are feeling.

I hope you both start to feel better again soon. Big BIg Hugs to you both.

Love, mavis x


----------



## Moppit

Morning Lovely Ladies

You have been busy over the weekend, lots of posts to catch-up on. Am very naughty and have to admit it is the first thing I do when I get to work as can't wait to hear from you all. Had a lovely weekend in Paris seeing my friend Mandy who I met through Premature Ovarian Failure (the reason for my inability to have children). She has a little boy, jack, born through her 4th attempt at Egg Donation. He is amazing and she and I are very close. Amazing how you make friends on this journey through the pain of a shared experience. Being with Jack was wonderful but did make me wish the treatment could have worked for us....

Carol36 - I completely understand how you feel. It must be so, so difficult and you are very brave. Try and see the positive that you can have a really good impact on their children's lives and help these children.

Kirstyn - I think hearing people are pregnant is the hardest thing as you just can't help feeling jealous. So many of my friends are pregnant at the moment and I hate the feelings of jealousy. The only thing to do is to focus on the fact that you too will be a Mummy soon and when you do it will feel even more amazing than for your friends who are pregnant because you have waited so long for it. Someone said to me the other day 'any fool can get pregnant but it takes someone really strong and special to adopt'. We should all be proud of ourselves and know that our journey to be parents is even more important than our friends who get pregnant naturally.

Sonia - My heart goes out to you, you are going through so much at the moment and you are so incredibly brave. You must be kind to yourself and take time to grieve for the lovely babies that you have lost. I definately think some counselling would help. Don't give up on the fostering you are going to be the most amazing Mummy. You will get there it just takes time.

Love to everyone else, its a tough time on the board at the moment I think but Rhonda is proof that dreams can come true and I feel sure taht before long we'll all be posting positive posts about our matches.

Just a couple of weeks till Prep Groups for us and we received a big package through the post last week with a work book, agenda for the 4 days, application form and  CRB checks. Have to admit I'm pleasantly surprised by how effeicent they seem but I'm sure it won't last. Prep Groups look daunting but still excited to be close to taking hte next step.

Moppit x


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hi everyone

Quick update from me - dh is ok, was very upset Thursday/Friday as was FIL birthday on Friday too but have since discovered some things which have upset dh further - too  much to go into but a lot of family politics involved with his new wife and their son - bascially dh father left him nothing, not that we were expecting anything but his wife gloated to him that he'd left everything to her and their son - also his funeral is next week and his burial is in lancashire (6 hours drive from our home), FIL hardly gave us a thought and now even in death he is still being thoughtless - anyway, Im not going to go on about it but dh is extremely bitter and not in a good place right now. 

On the up side, we had a lovely family weekend together - spent yesterday on the beach in the gorgeous sunshine and just making the most of our little unit.

Hope everyone is ok.

P.S. - I saw the little boy on Saturday too and as Popsi has already made reference - Swansea has the best people!!!!!!

xx


----------



## lou73

Hi all, 

hope you are enjoying the beautiful weather. How lucky are we!! We spent loads of time in the garden sorting it out and planting. It's been very therapeutic and worthwhile - it looks fab. 

Went back to work today - joys!!! I am really furious. My delightful headteacher has started off the summer term in a wonderful way. I went in to ask if it was OK that I took time out on Friday afternoon for our Health and Safety inspection. She said it wasn't convenient!! I told her that it was the same as ante natal check ups and that I would normally take the time out of my planning time when I don't have a class, but that we had parent's evening on Wednesday and Thursday so it had to be Friday. Then she said I could go but wouldn't be having any planning time - the government decided it is a legal requirement that teachers have this time out of class and it cannot be taken off you for any reason! (ha ha!!!) 

It makes me so mad    Loads of people at our place take full weeks off work in term time to go on holiday (!!) Yes really! I know we have 13 weeks hols a year but people cannot book their hols in this time! 

She then wanted to know how much longer 'this thing' was going to take! I just said I had no idea, it doesn't work like that!

Then she had the cheek to say that she didn't think it was a good idea that I took any more time off as I was destroying any relationships I might have left with staff, parents and children!! (she said this cos a few months ago she had a go at me and said that nobody liked me and that I was rude to all the staff, children and parents all the time! This is in no way the truth)

Anyway, she has now decided that I should have been given a book (like you do when you're PG) when we made our initial enquiry and the SW would have written all our appts in at the start (!!) because apparently when you get PG you get all your appointments and times booked in at the start for the next 9 months!!

Really sorry for being a moaning minnie - I am just furious! She is being spiteful to me and everybody linked with me - she still owes my DH £2,000 from before Easter for his business delivering sports clubs at school! She's being a cow to him too!

OK moan over now - I really must do some planning!! 

Love and hugs to everyone and look after yourselves   

Lou xxx


----------



## Moppit

Lou - I completely understand why you are feeling so angry, your head teacher's behaviour towards you is completely unacceptable. It is so frustrating that the government does not have any guidelines around the amount of time off employers should provide for pre adoption appointments. My company are also being difficult, they say that everything they provide is statutory and because there is no statutory time off for pre adoption appointments they won't provide it. I have tried to put forward a case for the fact that it is not fair that people who are pregnant get time off for their antenatal appointments and they have said they will consider it but I'm not hopeful. I know it is really difficult but you must try not to let this stress you out or spoil the excitement you feel about adoption. Soon you will be at home with your littlies and this horrible woman will be a distant memory. By the time you go back to work, if you go back, she will probably have moved on or at least changed her attitude. In the mean time if she continues to be so obnoxious I think I would consider speaking to another member of staff about it. Although she is probably right that she doesnt have to give you time off it is the way she is speakign to you and behaving towards you that is completely wrong. She is obviously a bitter and twisted person and you are most definately in the right, don't lose sight of that.

As for me well yet another pregnancy announcement today, the 4th in 2 weeks. Feel like I'm a punch bag with the punches coming in from every corner and DH is really annoying me because instead of getting upset he says 'isnt wonderful that their children will probably be the same age as ours by the time ours arrive'. I just want to scream at him that no it isnt wonderful because I'm jealous and I want to be pregnant too!

Hope you are all having good days.

Moppit x


----------



## curvycat

Moppit I think that only the ladies on here understand. My DH has no idea. I am still reeling from my mates pregnancy announcment and dont want to work, talk, sleep ect! I am smoking again after 4 months clean and want to eat the entire content of the fridge! DH just keeps asking me what is wrong and why am I taking things out on him! I know he isnt a mind reader but why cant they understand the pain of wondering why some can get pregnant so easily when I will never experience that. I hate myself for feeling jealous and know I need to accept and bounce back but right now I need some time to feel sorry for myself!

Lou isnt there anyone higher you can use to mediate? It is not acceptable for her to treat you in this way!


----------



## MissSunshine

Hi all,

Just a really quick post.
DH and I need to right down what we feel are our strengths and limitations.
What exactly do they mean by Limitations?? A few friends have said different things to me and I'm now worried!!


----------



## sonia7

Hi Rhonda

I believe its like strengths and weaknesses. As we have to ask that question at work. Like for example my strength is good listener and my limitations is standing up in front of people doing a presentation.
But the limitations can be worked on.

I think so anyway

Sonia xx


----------



## Moppit

Hi Rhonda

It might also refer to your limitations in terms of what you believe the 'limits' of what you could deal with as a couple are. For example related to the issues a child might have and how you might deal with this.

Moppit x


----------



## sonia7

Yeah good point moppit.  

Sonia xx


----------



## Carol 36

Ahh Lou how horrid can one women be, obviously her compassion has clearly left her. How on earth did she get a job in a school, let alone be in charge of one!!! Could you not tell a few white lies and say you are off to docs/dentist rather than adoption stuff. Then you will not have to deal with her reactions when you mention adoption. What a nasty spiteful woman. 
Just try to focus on your journey and you will have a happy ending in the near future.

Moppit glad you had good weekend in Paris.

Moppit/ Kirstyn I do fully understand where you are coming from about preganancies!!!, as you can tell after my angry post on Sunday. Plus there were 4 of us all got married at the same time at work, the others have already left and had babies, and the last one has just announced her pregnancy, so I am surrounded by it too at the moment, and as my dh and I work together we get both ends, from guys saying stuff to him and women surely it must be your turn!!!! My best friend is due in the next 6 weeks, whilst v plsd for her v sad inside myself. I feel both guilty/sad for not being able to give DH child, especially when I see him with other people children or holding a baby, so it become very awkward between us, and jealous too. 

Kirstyn don't beat yourself up about your feelings at the moment, they are natural for you. As for eating I have been doing that none stop since sunday- soooooo bad suppose to be loosing weight not gaining it!!! 

Rhonda I would say limitation is about your tolerance levels, and how much you can cope with . Just a thought!!!

Tiger huge hugs to you and your dh xx

Thanks for the hugs mavis xxx

Big hellos and hugs to all the other lovely ladies posting on this thread hope you are enjoying the sun.
xx


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## MissSunshine

Thanks ladies.......

The people we've asked have said the same sort of things. Think I might just give our SW a quick e-mail.

Will pop back later, need to get our Family Tree finished!!!!


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## mavis

Just wanted to come on and offer big hugs and lots of love to everyone, as I havent the where with all to do much else.



mavis x


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## jrhh

Hi Ladies,

So sorry to I have to do a quick post but not had chance to log on before now and this is a run through.

      to you all and hope to catch up with personals soon. I also just wanted to tell you that a friend of mine has just fostered a 3 week old baby and talking to her has really helped put it all into perspective. She has just let go off a 18 month old girl and she said it was so hard but felt so right. The little girl, despite being loved and cared for craved a mummy and daddy all of her own more than anything else and was so excited to be going to a family. Knowing that has really made me realise what an amazing thing we are all doing so ladies stay   .

Lots of love

Jacks x


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## mavis

Ah Jacks,

How fabulous and lovely.  What an amzing friend you have to do that.

Thank you for shring that with us, how lovely.

Thank you, bless you,

mavis x


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## Dee Jay

Hi Jacks,
thanks very much for posting that news .............that's just the kind of positive information that I think alot of us need right now on here, to keep us all going.
thanks hun. 
hi mavis - how you doing? thanks for the pretty picture of the piano,
hope everyone is well and enjoying the fabulous sunny weather, it's certainly cheered me up!

lol
Dxxx


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## Carol 36

Ahhh Jacks thats lovely news, although made me cry.

It gives me lift and makes the rollercoaster seem worthwhile.
xx


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## sonia7

Hi everyone

Went to my Doctors today who have arranged for me to have a D&C this friday as I am not bleeding. I have to go for a scan tommorrow morning where they will discuss the options on whether i take a tablet or have the surgical removal of our 2 babies. Last time I took a tablet and it was horrible. The doctor gave me a letter to take to the hospital that was from my fertility clinic, I had the same letter detailing what happened but I just glanced at it when I received it and filed it somewhere. Anyway I read the letter again tonight  and saw that the blood test I had that causes blood clotting came back positive which I knew about but the nurse had written it as MTHFR so I looked it up tonight on the internet to find its a rare genetic disorder that can cause miscarraiges, something to do with the DNA. So we have definately decided now I don't want to risk another pregnancy with my eggs so to have a family of our own is either Adoption or Donor eggs. But we are trying fostering first. And the Adoption or donor eggs will be in a few years time. Don't know yet, I guess it will be how we feel about the situation at that time.

Hope you are all okay.

Sonia xx


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## Moppit

Sonia - There are many brave ladies on this site but I don't think any of them are quite as brave as you. You have been through so much and the thought of having to face either a pill or a surgical procedure must be heart breaking. You are an inspiration to us all that you are surviving and focusing on the future. Stay strong, you are doing amazingly well. If you are interested in the donor egg route I'd be happy to share what I know with you. I have a condition called Premature Ovarian Failure which means I don't ovulate anymore so had donor egg IVF in Spain. We had 5 attempts before stopping and moving onto adoption. Although I wasnt successful I know many, many women who have been so if its something you would like to think about I'd be happy to help. There are also some good boards on FF where you can get info. In the mean time I think the fostering idea is a great one although make sure you have taken the time to grieve before you take on too much, you need to focus on DH and yourself for a bit although I know its hard not to jump straight to something that will heal the pain.

Jacks - Thanks for the update and as everyone says great to hear positive news. I think Foster parents are utterly amazing. They do a great job of preparing our little ones for us and it must be so tough to let go.

Mavis - Are you okay? You sound very down in your post. Is there anything we can do to make you feel better?

Love to all

MOppit x


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## hornauth

hi everyone

i've been reading loads since i introduced myself but haven't posted.  i'm trying to remember you all and your stories.    

hope you're all ok...xx

sonia - i just have to say how sorry i am....   life is so unfair at times...xx

and jacks - what a wonderful story, it's brought tears to my eyes.

i'm sorry for the lack of personals...i promise to do better in future!  

getting a tad nervous now about sw visit....just really don't know what to expect.    dh said last night "this time next week they'll be here" and i was like eeeekkkk!!  

anyhoo at work so should go.

take care
deb x


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## mavis

Sonia,

Big hug and hope it all goes ok for you Friday.

DJ and Moppit, thank you for asking, I am ok, not down just a bit numb at the moment and finding it hard to be able to support anyone but I am trying - if I am honest I would just like to make everythign better for everyone on here and get overwhelmed by everythign that goes on. Thank you v much tho, bless you both - is v much appreciated.

Hope you are ok Tiger?

Hello Hornauth, good luck for next week, exciting times ahead.

Love to everyone,

mavis x


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## popsi

hi... sorry this is going to be a quick one

tiger.. i am very sorry for your loss my love goes out to you and DH and your families xxx  

mavis.. sorry your feeling like this honey, as i have told you its totally understandble, you keep coming here honey and we will try to lift your spirits for you and support you, july really is not that long away  xxxx

sonia.. i am sorry for your loss, xxx

lots of love to all you other amazing ladies here .. xxx 

well we just finishing putting our comitencies together now, used a A4 display folder in the end, we are pleased with the way its going to look if i do say so myself   , we have to take it to SW next week (saves her calling as i work next door to her office so easy for me to call in) and are    that we wont get panel re-arranged 

xx


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## Shoe Queen

Hi everyone

Thank you all for your lovely messages - Mavis  

Not much to report here except that I had a chat with my boss today about adoption etc. and he told me about him and his situation and I feel somewhat better about things.  FIL funeral has been arranged for next Tuesday so not really looking forward to that but gotta face it head on.

Popsi - fab news on your progress so far however I heard something today that apparently neath/port talbot is way ahead of Swansea - if you go with NPT they are much more efficient than Swan due to them being about 14 months behind with things - I so hope thats not the case for us - my boss has just got transferred to NPT purely because he wants a sibling group so he is being fast tracked - guess Ill just have to wait and see.........

Deb - Its natural to feel nervous however Im sure your meeting will go well  

Sonia - I am so sorry - hopefully time will be healer for you in the meantime, look after yourselves. 

Mavis - you have been a true support for everyone here so if there is anything we can do for you just ask   

Jacks - what a lovely story - inspirational!  Hope you are doing ok hunny x

Rhonda - wow you must be over the moon, bet you cant believe its all happening so quickly?

Carol - thank you for your kind words.  So sorry to hear that you and dh are surrounded by pg people.  Believe it or not, I too am in a similar situation and have pretty much distanced myself from all my friends who are either pg or have had babies I find it too hard.  I still have not brought myself to talk to my uncle whose wife fell pg the same time as me last year and went on to have twins - have not seen them or have no intentions of seeing them in the near future.  I know it sounds awful but its my defence mechanism and my way of coping with things.

Moppit - Im really sorry to hear what you are going through right now - as I said to Carol (above) infertility can be a horrid and cruel thing and its not something we will get over easily.  Even after having my dd I am still bitter to this day and after she was a year old I was diagnosed with post natal depression, after counselling we realised it wasnt to do with having the baby it was to do with the years of infertility and subsequent treatments and to be honest its not something I have gotten over easily.  I just hope that this new chapter in our lives will compensate for all the bitterness. 

Kirstyn - sorry to hear that you are having a tough time too - Im sure your journey will be worthwhile.

Lou - hope things are better for you your end too and that you managed to sort things out with your job.

A big hello to anyone Ive missed - if so - forgive me!

Hope you are all well

xx


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## jrhh

Hi ladies,

Tiger   I hope the funeral goes as well as these things can. How is dh now?  I hope you are not in the delay too. Well done on chatting to your boss hun. Take acre. I truly understand where you are coming from too with the infertility  and even though I have been blessed with my DS the ache for another child is just as strong.

Popsi well done on the folder, fingers crossed the panel doesn't get changed for you.

Mavis I haven't been on the thread long but its plain to see how wonderful and kind and supportive you are to everyone so massive     and hope you feel more on top of things soon.

Deb good luck next week and welcome to the thread.

Moppit your Paris break sounded so lovely and its so nice to hear of the friends you have made from this site. I have found such huge support on here too and it has kept me going so many times. I am with you on the pg announcements and pg friends, I don't think it will ever get easy to hear  

Sonia I really have no words that can make you feel better but I wanted to let you know that your strength is amazing and we are all here for you  

Carol sorry I didn't mean to make you cry. Glad it gave you a lift   you have to look after yourself so if it means breaking away from the people that make it painful then thats what you must do. Be gentle on yourself  

DJ the weather has been great hasn't it. Its meant to be a sunny weekend too, yippee!

Rhonda did you sort out your question?

Lou I am amazed that someone could be so heartless, I am actually really     
 hope you are OK hun.

Hi to everyone else hope you are all OK.

I'm feeling quite rough got an awful virus which makes all your joints soooooooo painful so I am hobbling around at the mo. Dh even had to wash my hair as I couldn't lift my arms. Hope it goes away soon I feel like I should have shares in Ibuprofen  

Take care ladies.

Jacks xxxx


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## Carol 36

Just a quick one

Tiger I hope all goes well for you and DH at the funeral a very difficult time. I have to admire you are soo strong with all you are going through you still take time to post here with support and kind words for all us ladies. Definately will be discussing with dh about putting a bit of distance between all pg people, think he will be v in favour of it. Thanks again for support. 

Sonia I wish well for Friday, not easy. I am sure all the ladies will agree with me we will all be thinking of you of Friday,    .

Jacks wish better, and thanks despite suffering from what sounds like an awful virus, you have taken time to post to me.  

Mavis Kirstyn, Popsi, Moppit,CB, CG & all the other wonderful women on here  

Ladies keep enjoying the sunshine.
xx


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## sonia7

Hi everyone

What a day ! Well we went to the hospital for a scan to confirm what we already know and both sacs are there but in one sac there is now no baby so don't know where he/she went to and in the other sac was a tiny baby but as we knew no heartbeat, so then we had to go to the early pregnancy unit to discuss and arrange for the D and C. The nurse said we have a bed today but we can't guarantee a bed on friday depending on admissions to the ward etc. So we decided to have the D and C today, so went to the ward at 11am, got asked loads of questions, had bloods taken, watched a bit of telly and watched everyone eating their hot meal and drinking their cuppa's and I cold have nothing as I was nil by mouth. And had to wait at least 6 hours as I had weetabix and a cuppa this morning (as didn't know I was going in for the OP), so the theatre nurse came for me at 4.15pm and I said to her thats good timing I think I have broken the TV (as pressed the wrong channel button and it wouldn't go back to the TV channels  ), so got upset going down to the theatre as it felt final.   Had the OP which took about 20 minutes and I was in the recovery room for an hour and a half as couldn't wake up I could hear the theatre nurses calling my name but just couldn't wake up, when I did wake up I threw up.   So after a short while they took me back to the ward where I had to have somethin to eat, drink, walk and go to the loo.  Four hours later I was allowed home.   I have to wear the sexy white stockings to prevent the blood clots and have to wear them for the next couple of days. At the moment I feel okay, sore especially around my belly button but okay. 
Thankyou all for your posts.

Hope everyone is okay

Sonia xx


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## mavis

Dear Sonia,

Bless you, I hope things start to settle and calm for you soon.

Hmm lovely white stockings! 

Take care, love,

mavis x

Hi Jacks,

Sorry you have this virus thing, horrible feeling weak and tired - I hope ti goes soon for you.

Love to you all,

mavis x


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## jrhh

Sonia glad you are home and you aren't in a lot of pain. Well done hunni at least its over now and you can, in time, move on. Take it easy and just go with how you will feel as I am sure you will have a good old cry on more than one occasion and rightly so. Ooooooh lovely white stockings how sexy       hope you have lots of choc in the house and wine for when your allowed it.

Mavis and Carol thanks for the get well soon. It is a bit easier today so fingers crossed. Its just the nights when it hurts the most.

I've just made cake shall I cut you all some think we could all do with it    

Jacks xx


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## mavis

Erm cake, yes please, if you ahvent eaten it all already - yum x


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## Cotswold Girl

Hi everyone - we finally have some news .... we're on a prep course starting in mid May! So pleased to finally get started    

Tiger - so sorry to hear how your in laws have treated you and you DH.    

Lou - I can't believe the attitude of your head    Does she treat everyone like that? Sounds really discriminatory the things she's said. Can you ask the deputy head for help in arranging time off to cover your adoption related appts? You could also mention to her the things your head said about no-one liking you etc so she knows what a cow she's been to you! Like Moppit says hang in there and don't let her undermine you or distract you from the job in hand. This time next year you'll have hopefully have your family and she'll be the same old bitter old misery that she is now    

Moppit, Carol & Kirstyn - big   I know those pregnancy announcements hurt    and sometimes they really cut to the core of us when we least expect. It's weird how like my DH yours sound! Sometimes wish I was more like a bloke - they seem better at putting things behind them and looking to the future. Guess it's cos they don't have all those hormones raging   

Moppit - looks like we'll be able to compare notes - you start your prep course in May too don't you? Exciting times 

Mavis - big big    to you, you're such a support to all of us. Hope you're feel brighter soon   The waiting and delays you've experienced must be very draining. Make sure you treat yourself over the coming weeks. 

Jacks - thank you for your wonderful post! We all need a reminder of the end goal. The difference your friend is making to those childrens lives is great. Hope you're feeling better soon.

Sonia - what can I say....you're so brave.   So sorry you've had to go through this.   Chocolate and wine definately the order of the day! 

Popsi -well done on getting your folder done. We'll all know who to come to for advice  

Deb - welcome and good luck with your initial visit. It's really not as bad as you think  

CG Xxxxx


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## mavis

CG,

That's great news.

You must be so excited at last to be moving.

Not too long either, Good Luck not that you'llneed it hope it all goes well.

Popsi,

Yey, Hooray bet you are glad that is done, bet it looks lovely too.

Well done you guys. 

Love to everyone as always,

mavis x


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## Moppit

CG - So pleased to log on and see you have a date for Prep Groups at last and fantastic news that it is also really soon! You are right ours are on the 7th, 8th, 11th and 12th of June so not too long to wait. We will definately have to compare notes afterwards. Are yours also 4 days, pretty daunted by what can possibly be covered in 4 full working days!

Sonia - Thinking of you, what a horrible week you have had. It must be onwards and upwards from here as you have already hit the bottom and now its just going to be positive news!

Moppit x


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## jrhh

Hi Ladies,

CG great news on the prep course, won't be long now  

Moppit 4 days eek!

Sonia how are you feeling hunni?

Cath hope you and dh are OK.

Mavis cake on its way  

Sorry just a quick run through and love to all. No news here just waiting for our first appointment which seems to have taken forever already, we have such a long road ahead  

Have a great weekend all.

Love

Jacks xx

Jacks x


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## Moppit

CG - Just re read my post and my prep groups are May not June, it was wrong in my post!


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## Cotswold Girl

Hi Moppit - I read it as May anyway!   Must learn to read things properly   You're a week ahead of us - our prep course is 4 full days too and starts on 14 May. Now we have a date we'll try and do some reading ahead of the course so we don't look clueless!

CG xxx


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## Cotswold Girl

To make you smile and show it's not only us women that comfort eat 



CG xxx


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## Cotswold Girl

And a thought for the day...



CGxxx


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## mavis

Loving the pictures x


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## jrhh

CG loved the pictures, especially the last one      

Warning ladies me post:

I really need a rant and know that you will understand. Dh was talking to him mum yesterday and mentioned we had looked into adoption and were waiting for an appointment and she was really awful. She said we were making a huge mistake and how could we do it. She also said that we would never love the adopted child as much as Tom and wouldn't be able to treat them the same etc, etc. I have to say I am absolutely furious, hurt and upset. How dare she. This woman has seen Tom 3 times since he was born!!!

I am nervous about adopting and worried about how Tom will adapt, of course I am but what gives her the right to say such hurtful things. I have told dh to tell her not to mention it to me or I shall give her a piece of my mind. There is nothing I would love more in this world than a natural pg but its never happened in 6 years and 2 failed treatments so I have to be realistic. She has made me feel such a failure.

Thanks for reading ladies and sorry for the offload.

Jacks x


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## curvycat

CG glad you have your date now. I know you have been pulling your hair out!

I am still waiting for the posty! I expect June/july now! 

Loving the pics.

Jrhh I totally emphasise with you. My parents have not been quite so agressive but have told me that I can not expect them to be granny and grand dad. 

I have to remind them that I am not doing it for them and that they can quite honestly go stuff! Your mother in law is on the outskirts of your family and please dont let her get you down with her negitivety.

Hope everyone else is enjoying there weekend


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## mavis

Hi Jacks,

Can totally relate to you from the point of view of feeling a failure, but it is all out fo our control there is only so much we can do.

You are not a failure and nor am I.

You are fab mum to your little boy and wife and I am sure many things to many other people. (sister, daughter, friend, collegaue, neighbour etc)

I dont know why people think like that.

Some people have some strange reasons and thought logics, have you asked dh why he thinks she has said it? Is it a blood line thing? is it an older generation thing? is it just her?

I think when someone says somethign like that it does make you question yourself and also what you are doing.

Deep down you know what you want.

I hope you are ok.  Big hug to you and please dont let her get you down as Kirstyn says it is your life and about what you and dh and your son want and will be able to do, she is more on the outer edge if she has only seen your son 3 times, of course it would be nice to have everyones support but as we all know it is never always going to be like that.  I hope your family are more supportive.

is she the sort of person you could sit down and talk to about it?

Could it be she just needs time and she doesnt understand the process?

Sometimes we just have to accept people for who they are, she may come aloing to the idea as you go along, it is very sad though.

These are all thoughts.

take care I am thinking of you,

mavis x


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## jrhh

Thanks Kirstyn and Mavis for your kind replies.

Kirstyn how can they say such hurtful things   

Mavis I had a long chat with dh and he is as furious as me. We think its just her and he says to just ignore her as she plays such a small role in our family anyway and my parents are totally supportive. I guess I just wanted her to be supportive more for dh than me as she hasn't been in the past. Guess I should have expected no less. I don't think I could talk to her about it without loosing my temper so I think its best I don't, its still on my mind lots though.

Hope you all are having a lovely Sunday and enjoying the weather. Just off out in the garden, dh and I are planning to start growing veggies so are planning what to do.

Love to everyone and thanks again.

Jacks x


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## Cotswold Girl

Jacks - so sorry your MIL has been so awful    She really has no right to say what she did - particularly if she's played so little a part in yours and Tom's life over the last few years. You have to do what's right for you and she clearly has no idea how much this means to you. I know it's hard to put such hurtful comments behind you but all you can do is make clear to her that it's your life and if she wants to be part of it then she should keep her opinions to herself.   Please don't feel a failure   like Mavis said your a mum and a wife so you've got lots to be proud of and lots of good things ahead.  

Kirstyn - I'm sure your parents will come around    but can imagine how hard their comments must have been for you hun. Why is it that parents think they can say what they want without thinking about the impact their words have.   I hope the postie brings good news soon   

Hi's to all,

CG xxxx


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## sonia7

Hi everyone

Just to let you know, after talking to many fostering agencies around our area about fostering/adoption. We have decided to go down the adoption route. So rang up our local worcestershire county council and they are putting an Adoption info pack in the post today.

Each of the agency, when they heard we have no children after hearing our story says have you considered adoption and I feel if we go down the fostering route and get to panel, they may turn us down because we want to adopt in the future. I can understand what they are saying about even if the child is allocated to us for so many months, they may stay longer and if we are going down the adoption route at the same time, then it wouldn't be good for the child's needs as can disrupt the child.

Its amazing how many adverts you see about fostering in our local newspaper. Its like when you are trying to get pregnant and all you see is pampers adverts etc.  

Both our families are supportive in our decision, even my mum which I was surprized at, as she kept on saying you don't need IVF, there is nothing wrong with you etc etc etc. I think my dad is still hopeful I will get pregnant naturally - that would be a miracle. But they both think that going down the adoption route is a good thing for us.

Hope everyone is well.

I am now officially an adoption virgin.  

Sonia xx


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## jrhh

Aaaaagh just did a post and lost it so sorry just a quick one from me.

Sonia great news on your decision hun, bet it feels good to have things a bit clearer. How are you feeling?

CG thanks so much for your kind words.

Could I ask you lovely ladies a question? do you think I should chase up my initial appointment. They said I should hear something by the end of April or do you think I should wait a bit longer. I don't want to seem to pushy     but have to admit I am a little impatient   

Thanks.

Jacks x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ladies

Sonia- fab news your now a "virgin" welcome aboard- my mum too still thinks i will get preg even naturally! our parents just want us to be happy (well most do)

Jacks- if you want to chase then do- my line to not look pushy is "oh i had some missed calls and answer phone playing up- thought it may be you"  that way you dont seem pushy however getting your self known!

for those having probs with parents accepting your choice to adopt- things do change once your child is here- i know my MIL worried that our children (even before being matched) wouldnt let her be a Nana the way she is with the rest of her other grandchildren (she has 10now in total including our 2) however our 2 love her and their Grandad. 

xxxx


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## hornauth

hi everyone

hope you're all well...just on for a quickie so not got time for personals.... 

jacks i'd give them a wee call if i were you...did you send an initial enquiry form in?  we did and when i hadn't heard anything in a couple of weeks i gave them call saying "just checking you got the form" and they looked into it and said we should've been contacted by now...i got home later that day and the letter was there!

we had our initial meeting today and it went well...he really just went through the process, filled out a form etc...he was nice though and has adopted himself so it was nice to hear a bit of his story.  because we've had tx though he says we'll need to wait 6 months from that finishing so that takes us to july/august he thought.  it'll fly by though then we'll go to an info evening then prep courses then hs should start...feel really good about it...so does dh...we both feel v positive.... 

anyhooo...i've babbled enough...
take care
deb x


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## ♥ M J ♥

New home this way Ladies and Gents

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=192387.msg2991158#msg2991158


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