# Late Secondary infertility following two losses, anyone else?



## cannondale (Jan 17, 2009)

Hi, am new to this so pls bear with me.  Started trying to conceive with dp in Nov 2006, we were pg in Mar 2007 and m/c early, 4 wks.  Then pg Aug 2007 and had difficult news following diagnostic test. We chose to terminate our son at 13 wks in Nov 2007.  Started trying again in Jan 08, expecting no problems.  Have been trying for a year, sometimes in a panic, sometimes half afraid, and now 44.10 dp 45.9.  Have had lap and dye and 'all clear' given, going for consultation 04/02.  Will get results of tests then.  I realise DE IVF might be best option if we don't conceive naturally soon, which neither of us are sure about.  Would love to hear from any other ffs who may also be in similar position.  I hadn't even contemplated infertility until recently, it has all come as a bit of a 'wake up call', but wish we'd been more aware earlier of this possibility. Now it all feels scarily late, and the stats are scary too. Have been getting more and more down as I realise the uphill struggle ahead! Hoping to conceive naturally, Anyone else having to make these decisions this late?!


----------



## emalia (Feb 7, 2007)

hi cannondale,
i'm sorry to hear about your losses and the frustration you are going through, i've had 4 m/c and 2nd infertility so i eventually had DE IVF at Eugin ( age 43)  & now i'm 13 weeks pregnant with my twins!, don't give up,  look into the options available to you - have a chat with a few professionals, you will be able to decide if DEggs are a suitable way forward for you. ( for me from age 35 i would have been happy to adopt a baby so DE seems a natural solution)
best wishes
Em
xx


----------



## cannondale (Jan 17, 2009)

Congratulations Em, twins! that is soo exciting and fantastic news for you.  Thanks for your reply.  I am very happy for you, and also so sorry to hear of your losses too. It seems that us older 'mum's to be' often have to walk a long hard road, but it feels much better to talk to others.  Noone knows about mine and dp's experience apart from my boss, who has now moved, his boss, who has now moved, and two close friends who are thankfully still around. It has been quite lonely, until finding this site.  I have been so moved by everyone's determination, persistence, and support.

I am going to see consultant gynae soon, so shall start journey into all technicalities in around two weeks. I don't feel like giving up hope, but not sure that I could persist through all the roller-coaster emotions that must come for most from trying so late.  It is bad enough as it is, still grieving and not feeling very hopeful. I rang about adoption last year, and was told that my area has very few (no) babies, and that a toddler might be more realistic expectation.  dp would be reluctant to explore this option at the moment.  He is convinced we will be lucky trying naturally.

I think we could keep trying for a few months, but DE seems to be the best chance, and least painful route, to say nothing of expense, but it is such a big decision and dp is not altogether keen.  We didn't start living together until we were 41/42 respectively, so it has all happened for us too late for it to be easy. Trying to stay hopeful with ff to help.  Thanks to all you kindred souls who hang in there and keep the faith, I have learned so much from listening in to all the stories shared.

Special thanks and thoughts to you Em.  It's lovely to hear directly from a real person who has made it happen!  Cdale X


----------



## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

Hi Cannondale

Sorry to hear of your dilemma, there is always hope....but the truth is nature intended over 40's fertility to slow down, and the quality of eggs after 40 does deteriorate very rapidly month by month.... of course its completely possible to conceive naturally in your 40's, I have a friend who was 44 last year and had her 4th child conceived completely naturally, but sadly those successes are few, and notable because they are more unusual. 
You really cant afford to wait too long, I urge you to seek fertility advice ASAP, as it takes time to get the ball rolling, so if you wait until you think things arent happening, by the time you've had a series of tests and thought what to do next 6 months has rolled by and your eggs are deteriorating month by month.
Its completely possible to get Pgnt, but to carry to a healthy live birth at 44+ the chances of success are less than 3%... 
Its so depressing, and facing the facts is traumatic, and I know Ive done it myself.
Ive had lots of tears and...if only moments,  ... but if you are practical, you can accept Donor treatment, which is a very successful option for a woman of our age, using you DP sperm, but donor egss, you could raise the success rate to over 65%, which is very much more hopefull.
good luck with what ever you decide is right for you
xxx


----------



## cannondale (Jan 17, 2009)

Hi Lily,
Thanks for this advice.  I guess we will get closer to making some decisions after our appointment next week.  I would like to know the outcome of all the tests done so far, and maybe request the new egg quality test, and FSH level info.  when we have all the info we can get re current condition of our gametes, and 'bits', then we'll move forward with some decisions.  I guess my thoughts are that we stand as much chance naturally as we do with IVF without DE, so we could try for a couple more months.  Then if nothing doing by time I'm 45, I think we will seriously consider finding funds for DE.  Good luck with your tx.  I understand DE is easier, quicker, and cheaper abroad.  Would be interested in hearing how you go on.
Take care,
Cdale X


----------



## SWLJules (Oct 21, 2007)

Hi Canonondale,

Just wanted to say hi as I feel i'm at a similar stage to you right now. I met my dp 10 years ago (he's almost 6 years younger than me), and I question now why it took us so long to seek help with conceiving. Things were a bit shaky for the first few years, but then I think we just thought it would happen. We had our first (mild) IVF (at Create) in April last year and amazingly I got preganant first time. Unfortunately I had a missed m/c at around 11.5 weeks (baby having died at around 9.5w). Felt ready to try again in October last year and again couldn't believe my luck when my results were positive. All looked fine on first scan at 6.5 weeks, but a sc


----------



## SWLJules (Oct 21, 2007)

oops! ctd......but a (requested) scan at 9.5 wks showed serious abnormalities and that the baby couldn't survive. It was just before Christmas, we took the terrible decision to have a termination. I'm obviously still very raw about this and don't know yet where to go from here. DP wants us to try again with our own eggs. Right now I don't even want to think about that, but I also realise the clock is ticking! We had a CVS this time around, and heard last week that the results showed the baby had Turner Syndrome, so they have suggested an appointment with a geneticist at the hospital to talk through any implications of this. (From reading, I think this is entirely random 'though and doesn't necessarily mean it would happen again). I think I would be ready to move to DE - especially seeing the statistics you have quoted Lily. I can't help but feel I would rather have not become pregant in the first place than go through the devastation of the 2 m/cs and I'm not sure I can put my heart through all of that again (my body seems to recover quickly). 

I wish you luck on your journey Cannondale, thanks for your sensible and honest advice Lily and Ems - fantastic news from you - wishing you a continued happy and healthy pregnancy!

Jules x


----------



## cannondale (Jan 17, 2009)

Hello Jules

Thanks for your message.  I almost feel I can't say anything about your recent loss, because I know how words sometimes are altogether inadequate, and can cause more pain.  It is heartwrenching to be in the position of wanting a little one so much, and then making that infinitely painful decision.  I feel for you so much, especially when I read that you were taking steps to ensure a pregnancy.  When you are in the hands of a hospital, I imagine you feel everything will be safe.  It must be devastating for you, and you sound like you need a big hug from one who has been there. ((  )).  Looking forward though, you do seem to become pregnant easily.  It is such a personal decision for you and your dp as to how long you can keep trying with your own eggs.  For us, we don't have an awful lot of resources to pay for treatment, so we have decided to keep trying for a bit.  My specialist told me there is a slightly elevated risk of another chromosome anomaly if we were to conceive again, but it is so small as to be not really clouding an already misty picture.  This helped me to feel more positive that we might have more luck in the future, don't know what other people think about this?  Whatever you decide Jules, it will be right for you.  Take care hun.  CdaleXX


----------



## SWLJules (Oct 21, 2007)

Thanks Cannondale.

Yes, IVF is expensive - (although the 'mild' IVF route I took both times at Create, somewhat less so, as it involves less drugs) - which can also add unnecessary extra pressure. And I think you're right that going abroad can reduce costs and, in terms of DE be a quicker and easier route too.

Good luck with your appointment this week. Do keep us posted on how you get on.
Jules x


----------



## cannondale (Jan 17, 2009)

Well the outcome was somewhat encouraging.  Quite good FSH and sperm count/mobility ok. Don't know what to do now? Possibly make enquiries about mild IVF? Possibly just keep trying naturally.  Everything is such a gamble.  Considering asking for AMH test. Anyone any advice?


----------



## annacameron (Dec 16, 2008)

AMh test is a good idea. it's possible to have reasonable FSh but poor AMh and the latter while hopelessly unscientifically assessed by consultants on balance is more intructive. Ditto Antral follicle count, day 2,3 or 4. good luck xx


----------



## cannondale (Jan 17, 2009)

Just thought I would update, as thread still published, and don't want anyone left wondering.  Hope all well with all ladies trying post 40?  

I have had realistic stats quoted for mild ivf at my age of 1-2%, and other advice from more tx centres suggesting it will be a long painful road, with little chance of success, and poss no more value than continuing to try with own eggs.  I think this is what we will do for a 6m period, and in that time, check out DE situation and costs, and go from there. We don't have funds to do oe IVF and DE- iVF

I will try to get antral follicle and AMH levels done in meanwhile on NHS.  Just feeling very depressed, not at all hopeful, and generally losing the plot in terms of thinking about life without having made a family.  Adoption is not something either of us feels comfortable about.  We just wanted to make a little new life together.  We are both very sad.


----------

