# Depression



## mrsmcb (May 12, 2011)

Coming to the final stages of our investigations and we cannot have a child together, we would have to use donor sperm.

I am struggling to accept I cannot have my husbands child. We dont get IVF funding either.

I have been off work 3 months now with depression. I am on anti depressants an sleeping tablets, I cant sleep and when I do I dream and have hot sweats.

When i wake I feel hungover and I dont leave the house other than to go to the doctors or my mums. I have seen no one nor have i walked into town for 3 months

Going back to work scares the hell out of me, i dont want to talk about this. And i cant face all the are you pregnant yet questions, i have only being married a year and they already started before i was signed off.


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## ekitten1 (Dec 18, 2009)

Mrsmcb - I am so sorry that your feeling this way. All this really is the hardest thing to have to go through and for many of us suffering with IF, depression is frighteningly common. I totally understand how devastating this is for you, I have had to come to terms with the fact that for us, we have to use donor eggs and it's not easy to get your head around   


Have you just had consultations at Seacroft? I started out there but wasn't happy with the consultation and went elsewhere for tx. It's frustrating when you can't get NHS funding either and that adds another strain    but since you are self funding, it may be worth you speaking to other clinics as often opinions and experience differs greatly and what one clinic can't do/offer, often another can. You don't need a GP referral either to go to a private clinic, you can normally go along for a consultation and self refer. 


I want to send you and your DH a big hug and I hope that you can find some answers and a way forward. Just take things at your own pace is what I always say to people when they are finding things hard to deal with, but do try to have a little bit of normality in your life if you can, even if it's just a walk in the park or a nice meal out with your DH. It's so important to try to keep a little bit of time for yourselves.


Good luck and hope you feel better soon


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## mrsmcb (May 12, 2011)

Thank you for your reply  

We went to Seacroft in april to speak with the consultant who gave us the pricelist and a pile of leaflets to read and he referred us to leeds infirmary for hubby to have transrectal scan and testes scan to see if there is anything there. We arent hopeful for this.

Now we just have to wait to go back to seacroft but i just cant switch off and work is stressing me even more, i feel i am letting them down but there is no way i could be there right now.

So if we are funding it then we can choose where we go, no i didnt know that but as we cannot fund it then that doesnt really matter.

Thank you for your words hun xxxx


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## ekitten1 (Dec 18, 2009)

Don't you worry about work, your not letting anybody down, sometimes you have to put yourself first and if you don't feel you can deal with work right now, then there's no way you should force yourself to go (Um, did I just say that? I can never listen to my own advice   ). 


As far as choice, yes, you can pick and choose where you go. I had 2 cycles at Care Fertility in Sheffield and then moved to a clinic in Athens where I will continue to have tx. I wanted to stay at Seacroft as it was convenient for me but I didn't like it there at all and whilst I haven't yet been successful, I have faith in the clinic I am going to.


Have Leeds pulled all funding for IVF? We didn't qualify as I have a DS from my previous marriage, but if you don't have any children between you, can you appeal? If there's any way you can, you still don't have to have tx at Seacroft if you feel they cannot help, if you find a clinic who can give you some hope and offer better tx, most private clinics also take NHS funded patients. It's certainly worth having a look into. Whatever you decide, I hope you can find a way forward both in treatment and financial.


Try not to give up hope, I have spoke to some lovely ladies on here who have had all the odds stacked against them and have then gone on to get their BFP. xxx


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## mrsmcb (May 12, 2011)

We live in north yorkshire which is one of the countys not funded! I think its shocking!

I personally wrote to the PCT to appeal but it has to go through a GP which they will do at a later date but chances are not in our favour.

I need to accept that we cannot have a child together first and get over the horrible way I am feeling right now and maybe then decisions will be easier.

Thanks again xxxx


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## 1972 (Feb 5, 2011)

Hi mrs mcb

Don't give up. I've had cycle buddies and friends ive met on here who have successfully challenged and won vs thir pct. keep trying.

Re the depression, I completely understand how you feel. As ekitten says, I think it's v common. It's such a heartbreaking situation to be in and go through and no one else really understands. I've felt like I'm going mad on more than one occasion. I've put off going to the docs and desperately trying to fight it myself at the moment. 2 weeks go I was in a very dark place - at the moment, a little brighter. I know it's so hard, but try and go for a little walk on a bright day - the daylight and sunshine really can help. the fresh air will do you good. Take pleasure in simple things and no pressure to do anything. I've put on lots of weight after 3 rounds and being miserable.. I've currently taken control and doing some exercise and watching what I eat and it's slowly coming off. It's helping my mood, self esteem and just giving my head something else to concentrate on. 

I hope you have some supportive friends and dh . This will get easier, right now, like me you have no closure. I call it limbo land, and it's impossible to try and cope with the great unknown.

Don give up yet. Sending you massive hugs and lots of love. Xxxxx


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## mrsmcb (May 12, 2011)

Strange how it affects different people.....i've lost nearly 2 stone now, hardly eating


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## Nordickat (Feb 6, 2009)

mrsmcb I´m so sorry you are struggling so much.

I can´t really help on the funding thing as I´m not in the UK (although I grew up in Northallerton   ) but I´ve read about so many people on here getting funding even with the odds stacked against them. Don´t give up hope   

On the depression thing sadly I know more and I know how lonely and frightening it is to be where you are now. That horrible feeling that everything is getting out of control, that horrid fear that it will never get better, the disappointment and frustration of not being able to work, the feeling of being completely rubbish and really, what is the point anyway. I feel a complete failure for being off work and then paranoid that people think I´m useless and don´t deserve my job anyway. 

Do you have counselling? For me, my medication alone will never help me get better. Meds help me cope but they don´t ge tme better so counselling is vital for me. Can you try a half dose of your sleeping meds to avoid the hangover? Or can you speak to your GP and get different ones? They effect people differently so there might be something else that suits you better.  I really would try councelling though, however much you hate the idea, please try it. Take your mum or DH with you, not to come in with you but just to sit outside and wait for you. I know it sounds impossible to do, to leave the house and go and talk to somebody, but its not impossible, its just really really hard. But, just try and imagine, what if it helps? It might be worth the risk hey? 

Actually I´m going to pm you instead, 
Katxxx


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## mrsmcb (May 12, 2011)

I am trying herbal sleeping tablets at the moment but they make no difference, i still cant sleep!

I went to see an infertility counsellor a few weeks ago, was ok but wouldnt say she was majorly useful to be honest! xxx


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

I Do think you have to grieve for the lost chance of having a baby together.
I too had this situation. I felt terrible, had tears, we both had tears, we really felt the loss of our joint fertility....we always wanted children together and the shock of finding out this wasnt going to happen was awful.
Gradually we carried on, we had no option but to consider ( in our case donor eggs), we researched it and thought it through, spoke to lots of people on here, and gradually we came to accept this is a way forward. 
It isnt how we wanted, but it can be done and it can work out. We focussed on the fact we wanted a baby, and decided that a baby conceived in an unconventional way wasnt the end of the world, and that we could have fun and be happy bringing up a baby together, even though the genetics werent both of us.
It took a while, but we got there.
Try to focus on what you want and what you dont have, it does help.
If you both want to be parents, there is a way forward, and it doesnt have to be expensive. I am not familiar with your fertility problems, but if you only need IUI it is not like IVF and can be done from £800-£1500 a cycle.
I hope you feel brighter soon
Lily x


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## Nordickat (Feb 6, 2009)

The herbal ones only help if you are feeling a bit stressed out and need to relax before bed. You could try melatonin, although to be honest it doesn´t help me much in a crisis. What are your hangover inducing ones?


I also have some exercises you can do (lying down in bed) to help. Let me know if you want another (shorter I promise   pm).


Katxxx


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## mrsmcb (May 12, 2011)

I dont know whats causing my hangover....we assumed its the AD's?

Also taking painkillers for PCOS pain so no idea

Unless its lack of food and sleep  

Feel free to message me later hun

Paula xxx


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