# Using donor eggs at 44 when already have a child



## TiggerBounces (Sep 6, 2014)

Hi, I've just turned 44 and have just had a BFN  a fortnight ago following our final IVF cycle. I say final because I had an ectopic in April after 12 months of IVF and that was our last embryo. So, as it was so near we decided to do just one last one cycle, knowing that age wasn't on my side.

So as it was unsuccessful we have decided to stop IVF using my eggs and are exploring the donor egg route. We are living in Australia at the moment and its near impossible to receive donor eggs here unless you want to be on a very long (7 year) wait list, or know someone.  So, we were going to go to Spain, I'm half Italian and have Spanish ancestry too, so thought it would be easy to find a good match. Since the process has now taken up speed I'm beginning to get the hibbee jeebies, especially about the anonymous part of it.  And secondly because we already have a son, who is exactly 2, so born when I had just turned 42, he was also our first try. We met late in life and the first two years of our relationship I was caring for my mum who had leukemia and who then died.

SO, anyway, has anyone out there had donor eggs following having their own child?  And anyone also wrangle with the anonymity side of donor eggs in some countries?  Would love to hear from you.  Thanks.


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## mandalay (Sep 20, 2013)

Hello JV
I am so sorry that you had a BFN. It is still so recent and raw.  Just about everyone here will know how you are feeling.
I waited to start IVF too because of my dad being ill so I understand. 
I didn't know that the waiting list in Australia was so long! 7 years? That's huge!
I have two sons (now grown up) who came along naturally. The donor egg issue IS an adjustment and a very personal matter. I did wonder whether I would feel no connection when I had the transfer. But I read this by Robert Winston, father of IVF:
_The person who receives an egg in her uterus has all kinds of influences on that baby's development. As the study of the field of epigenetics extends, we begin to realise that the mere printing of the genome, the DNA, is not the only aspect of our inheritance. It is not merely the mother's diet either. We know there are subtle hormonal and neurological influences on the unborn child which are part of the process of events before delivery and which may affect for example its health, cognitive ability, personality and growth. So I think it is quite valuable to think of egg donation in a positive way. 
_
I prefer anonymity. Do you? I got only the briefest of information (age, nationality, hair/eye colour, occupation, height/weight, blood group) and that was enough. Didn't want to know anything else. Don't want any one to be lingering in the background waiting to possibly meet my child later in life. In the UK there isn't the same anonymity. The most important thing is that when the embryos were transferred, then they became MINE. No thoughts about any one else then. A mother has to do so much to bring a tiny group of cells to a living, breathing baby. I wouldn't tell any child how it came to be. 
I haven't succeeded yet. Two failures at a poor clinic in Spain. Happy now at the clinic in Cyprus (http://www.cyprusivfcentre.com). They have a large database of donors and a very impressive record of success. Dr. Firdevs is an incredible lady. Julie and Umit are really helpful.

Good luck with whatever you decide about the anonymity issue.

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## fififi (Mar 16, 2011)

Sorry to read about your ectopic and subsequent failed cycle.

I'm currently pg following DE and have DD already who was conceived with my eggs. Had number of concerns at first about fact children would not both be from OE but most of those got put to rest thanks to help from lovely ladies on FF. This is the thread I started which is definitely worth reading http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=302313.0

I had DE in UK so can't help with the anonymous part. To be fair as I'm currently thinking not to share the full background with anyone except DH then having an anonymous donor would probably have suited us better.

Best of luck as you move forward x


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## cornwall (Apr 9, 2012)

Hi,

I have two grown up children, naturally conceived, and an 11 month old DE baby. I was very anxious about having DEIVF at first and worried about what the baby would look like. I had treatment abroad so all anonymous. Our baby is the image of her dad although people also say she has my eyes, looks like her older siblings etc. We decided not to tell anyone she was a DE baby and no one has questioned it. Her siblings adore her.

We are now trying for another baby. We've gone back to the same clinic but our original donor is no longer available so we are using a different donor. Looking back, I don't know why I was so worried. I love my little girl just as I love my older children and I never think of her as being someone else's baby. My only regret is that we waited so long before going for donor eggs. We're now quite old  

Best of luck with everything whatever decision you make.


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