# Wd ADOPTING a child who can access info damage our donor-conceived son who cant?



## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Oh man this is such a minefield all this...... Very early days for us since our final deivf failed only yesterday ..


However we would still love to give our dear 4yo son a sibling and expand our family.  However DH has just raised a valid point id never thought of before.  Would it be fair on our son if we brought another child into the house who had info or possibly even existing connections with his/her "genetic mother" when our son was conceived using donor eggsbin spain from an anonymous donor?


I should add that we are very open with our son and he knows and so far accepts another lady helped mummy to have him but he grew in mummys tummy and was breastfed by mummy.  


We really want to give him a sibling but wonder if doing so via adoption would be to his detriment in later life when his adopted sibling can access info on the genetic parents but he cant.....  I am hoping the new studies on epigenetics may help with this decision.... Do you think the fact that our dear son knows he was made with the help of another lady but grew in mummys tummy , mummy gave birth to him and he is very loved will be enough?


So confusing!


Any thoughts out there?


Thank you!
Bangle


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## olivia m (Jun 24, 2004)

Hi Bangle
I think adoption after donor conception can be fine if it is managed flexibly and sensitively. It's all to do with difference. If you and your partner do not find this threatening then it is likely that you will be able to manage the differences between the different ways your children have come into the family. And best of all, so will the children. You may find it helpful to read the booklet I have recently written called Mixed Blessings: Building a family with and without donor help. It focuses on people who have had one child without help and then needed donor help for a second, but many of the issues would be the same for you. It can be downloaded from www.dcnetwork.org for a small fee.
With best wishes for whatever you decide to do.
Olivia

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