# LGBT TTC a family through IUI/IVF/ICSI



## Pilchardcat

Thru IVF/ICSI


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## Mable

Thought I'd kick this thread off - you all know that I've been doing this IVF cycle FOR EVER, just to let you all know that I'm still downregging, my current timescale is;
downregging until 7th August
then stimming on 150mg a day, hopefully producing just the right number of big follies without getting OHSS.

All my IVF cycle buddies have gone and finished long ago, so I don't expect any responses. Once I get going I think I'll join whoever is cycling on their thread, if that's ok with everyone?
Mable


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## starrysky

Mable

I just had to respond to your message just to say hello and keep going! There'll be others joining you soon, probably us!!!

Love

Heather


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## Mable

Hope so Heather - thanks


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## Tonia2

I'm joining you Mable!!!  I just got a bfn today as the booby prize for enduring a hideous 2ww (hideous because of the twice daily progesterone pessary cream - will give you more detail later, if you're up to it   )- have sent you an email actually but I know you're in France right now... (lucky   ). 

So I'm back on the merry-go-round, am hoping for a FET in 2 weeks time, however I think that might be expecting a bit much. It may come down to me staking out the clinic office in the next two days to try and catch my consultant, otherwise the closest appt I can get so far is a month away... will see if I can work a miracle in the next couple of days. Am currently considering stalking him.  

I'm ecstatic to see the new look boards, though the number of threads were a bit daunting to start with    I'm sure we'll make good use of it all!!  I'm looking forward to saying hello to the millions who are going to join us here  

Love Tonia
x


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## pem

Just poppin on to say..

So sorry for your BFN Tonia, hope you can 'stalk' down your consultant and get the FEt that you want, you seem very positive..   .

Wanted to wish Mable all the luck in the world for this round of downregging, I really hope it works out for you this time. You have had such a hard time of it through these last couple of months and really deserve a BFP at the end of it. you put me to shame with your stamina and positivity, keeps me form feeling sorry for myself!!

Emma x


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## Mable

Really sorry Tonia     What an endurance test for you this is. We are here for you.


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## Tonia2

Thanks,* Mable* and *Emma*. I've just written a novel on the 2ww thread that probably should have been here (will get the hang of it soon!!) ...

*Emma* - a while ago you had a piccy of you & DP at Mt Everest up on your avatar - have you really been up there? (silly question. I don't mean to presume you haven't and were just pretending! ) I've recently read a book that I forget the name of that was all about that huge disaster with the tour groups up on Everest a few years ago, and also have an original copy of "7 years in Tibet" (published 1953) which I've found really enthralling. It's a fascinating part of the world - I couldn't even pretend to have the stamina to do any mountainclimbing there but it still fascinates me! How did you manage to end up doing a trip like that? Where did you go, exactly?

Have fun in France *Mable & Edith*!! 
Love Toni
x


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## pem

Tonia - We haven't been up to the top of everest, I wish we had the ability, time and money to do that but unfortunately even if i was capable i couldn't  afford the £30,000 + that it would cost, not to mention the climbing skills that i simply don't have...!!!!. The picture was taken at the top of a summit called Kala Patthar at 18,000 ft a few thousand feet above Everest Base Camp. We trekked up from the foothills of the himalayas, taking 3 weeks to complete the trek there and back. It was a fantastic awe inspiring experience, really hard on the oxygen levels and on the leg muscles!!! There is only 55% of the oxygen up there compared to sea level and it makes you feel quite poorly. We ended up going becasue it has always been DP's dream to see Mount Everest up close, she has a bit of a Everest fetish    . Pictures of Everest on the walls, books about everest, DVDs, you name it, she has it..not just limited to everest, if it's a mountain, we love it!!! We do a lot of fell walking  etc here in the UK and one day just thought sod this, lets go to Everest Base Camp, so we booked up, got training in the hills and went!!! It was brilliant, the geology of the himalayas and the glacier was fascinating and just so vast!!

Nepal is an amazing country, fantastically spiritual with amazing sherpa people whose physical capabilities in the mountains amaze me. I found the whole experience really changed me as a person, gave me belief in myself and strengthened my faith and belief in nature. Are you talking abou the Jon Krakuer Book 'Into Thin Air' My Dp has a library full of mountaineering books, they are a brilliant read, i would recommend Joe Simpson books if you enjoy them. Also Tears of Blood by Mary Craig is a brilliant book about The troubles in Tibet, an absolutely devastating read but really opens your eyes as to what the Tibetans have gone through. We really hope to vist Tibet in the near future before it loses what little of it's identity it has left.

I could yakker on about Nepal all day, but I am sure not everyone has the interest i do...    . would recommend a trip to the himalaya for anyone, well worth it!!

Hope the trip to the consultant goes well for you and you're feeling a little better...  

Emma


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## Tonia2

Thank you all of you who responded to my little 'situation' described on the 2ww thread - you made me cry with relief as I read your replies! I'm so grateful for your sensible words of reassurance and logic. It was so nice to hear. I know in my own head it's a silly thing to think - and I then condemn myself for thinking it, then get myself tied up in all sorts of knots, &#8230;immobilized in my own web of beliefs, as it were.

I have to tell you the strangest coincidence though ( it can't be God or the universe because just I might not believe in them anymore&#8230; but&#8230 I've just started a distance philosophy subject at Uni and it's on metaphysics - which is the study of 'ultimate reality' ie what is really real and what isn't. I wrote my post to you on Wednesday morning about Doris's comments, and then went along to my IVF appt that afternoon and was listening to my first lecture (on mp3) while in the waiting room. And it turns out a huge part of the course is on examining the evidence for whether God exists! Or not. So I've got a timely forum for some soul searching to go on within the next few months. Then when I went in to the appointment my consultant asked me what I was listening to, and we had the hugest discussion about whether god exists or not ( I can't decide whether to give him - or her- a capital! ), and why. My consultant reckons no, doesn't exist!! He recommended a book called The God Delusion. Must get it&#8230;

*Edith -* you so made me laugh!!   We are so similar! I've also prayed some pretty weird things in my time&#8230;  and, Bron & I met at a happy-clappy-church Easter camp!! She was the new one! I was 19 and she was 21 and we were good friends for a few months before realising that there was something more going on.  We tried to stay 'just friends' for a couple of years but it was hard going and our friendship caused all sorts of havoc (with us and our church and the various ministries we were both heavily involved in) But our belief systems still couldn't adjust to the circumstances, - and despite much praying and soul searching it just didn't go away (!! ) -so we deliberately broke all contact and didn't see each other for 6 years.  Then, when I was 27 and she was 29 our paths accidentally crossed again and, well, it was all on!! I was in a fairly disillusioned place with church and the whole God thing at the time, and she had continued to struggle enormously over the whole lesbian thing in that time apart, so neither of us could be bothered fighting it any more! &#8230;We've been together 7 ½ years now, happily&#8230;.   

Thank you, I could really relate to what you said and it's true I need to be a bit gentler on myself. I'm the first to condemn & judge myself harshly. Bron is much better at the extending grace. I never did go wild either!! I do really regret that too- I missed out on a time that could have been lots of fun!! I have always been way too responsible for my own good. 
I'm so jealous of your gay vicar & thus reasonably LGBT friendly church!!! I'd love that!! They sound wonderful!! Tasmania is completely parochial and we live in the bible belt of the state, so gay friendly churches are not something easily found. I've been thinking about systematically looking, though. I do miss aspects of being part of a church community. I'm so glad you posted - It's so nice to realise someone out there is in such a similar situation! It is a slightly weird one to be in, after all!!

*Gina -* the BRA T-shirts sound fantastic!.. But I suspect you're being unnecessarily modest. We're all after T-shirts that have your photo on them and say "I love Gina" &#8230; or something to that effect!! Thank you for your wise and logical reply. The '_how is it that other lesbian women conceive then?'_ argument is so far the best I have been able to come up with, and it's so much better to hear someone else saying it, as well. It's true - you're so right and especially about how everyone has faith of one kind or another and it's all about how much power we give it. Join me up to the Gina fan club!!

*Duff * - I also hate the "it's meant to be" stuff.  It feels like a really arrogant thing for someone to say. If things were just meant to be, then things like apartheid in South Africa never would have been challenged - because it must supposedly have 'meant to be' too! I also had a "the universe is testing you to see how much you want it" argument, recently! Like hell!! Bugg*r the universe!! What about the average person who conceives within a couple of months of trying?? How much_ more_ did they want it, then&#8230;? Some people say *stoopid * things. I'm sure it's said just to make them feel better, not us.

*Emma * - Thank you too- I've also really struggled with it all more in the months since I had the miscarriage - thinking it is because I /we weren't good enough to be mum's because of our relationship. But that's the silly thing isn't it - I know logically that we will do a much better job of parenting than my parents did and can provide a much happier and healthier home(that's not such a challenge, believe me!), but then all those sneaky self-doubts still creep in. I always try to find a reason, or attribute some deep meaning to events... I wish I could stop doing that. 
I think the book I read might have been 'Into Thin Air'. And I also saw the Imax teams' film about it as well. One of my all time most favourite movies is 'Kundun' and while I lived in Sydney I had a little bit to do with the Australian Tibetan Society. Bron & I had planned a trip to Tibet for 2002, and then I wrote off my (uninsured) car  and, whoops, there went our trip money&#8230; and since then all our energy/money has gone toward ttc so we've never got there. Yet. It would be one of my dream trips to go to Tibet. &#8230; If we decide to just sod it all and go, I'll contact you beforehand for travel tips&#8230; we won't be doing any mountainclimbing, mind...

Love to you all, 
Tonia


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## pem

Tonia - The God Delusion sounds like a fantastic read, i had a scan through in the airport last month. It's A Dawkins book, brilliant for your course I would think. Metaphysics, how very impressive, I had to do a little of it in the run up to my PhD and I found it really challenging but interesting. I don't know where i sit in how to describe my feelings about the god thing, don't believe that there is enough evidence to prove the existence of god or the truth of the bible, do believe a lot in Evolution etc so i guess that makes me agnostic. Doesn't mean i don't attach meaning to everything though, think we are all similar in that; beliefs aside!!

Hope you do get to Tibet!!

Emma


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## PaulaB

Hi everyone. Finding all the threads hard to cope with and it will now take me a whole day to read it all instead of the couple of hours previously. Hope everyone is ok. I started downregging yesterday and as this is my 6th ivf i am just really hoping for some success this time round. Can i ask if anyone smokes? I know its not good and i had given up for four years. Then after lots of stress last october when my treatment failed and my sisters boyfriend had an affair and she fell apart, i just needed something and i started again. I am now smoking about 15 a day, When i went to my first appointment yesterday the nurse asked if i smoked and i told her. She said that it added ten years to my fertility age. Is that really true? Dont know if she was just trying to scare me or if that really is true. Then i started reading the zita west book and she was saying it damaged the lining of the uterus. Any other smokers trying to quit. I eat if i dont smoke when stressed and weight is also supposed to be bad. 
Anyway am going to try to keep up with everyone and hope you will help me out over the next few weeks.
Paula xxx


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## Tonia2

Hi *Paula * - welcome!! We need some more people on this thread!!   Oh my - 6th IVF! you must be exhausted with it all. Are you on a regular down-regging IVF cycle or a flare cycle (when you down-reg and start stimming the day after commencing down- regging)? I hope it goes better for you this time - have you had frozen embryos to transefer too, or just fresh cycles?

I'm not a smoker so haven't really taken alot of notice of what they _officially _ say about it, but have unfortunately heard that it's not supposed to be too good, fertilty-wise. I'm not so sure about the 'adding 10 years to your fertility age' though. I've known a few smokers that have become pregnant, and continued to smoke through their pregnancies. And I do know that it's extremely hard to give up, especially when there's any kind of stress around. And ttc qualifies as stress in my book!! I haven't checked but I think I once saw a thread here on FF, dedicated to trying to give up while ttc. I know Emma (& Lottie) on the singles thread was seriously giving up for a while - I haven't heard her say anything about it for a bit though, so maybe it didn't go according to plan... I'm sure she wouldn't mind you asking. Good luck with it, we'll be here to support you if you do decide to try and kick it again!

Lovely to hear from you, 
Tonia
xx


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## PaulaB

Thanks Tonia. I am doing a regular long protocol. Its been very hard work. I had my DD after just five clomid cycles and used an annonymous donor. Then started trying for a sibling two and half years ago. I had 9 iui cycles and then moved on to ivf using same donor. Ive had a hysteroscopy which showed no problem with womb and just about every scan and blood test available. One blood came back showing raised NK cells so this time around ill have steroids near to egg collection and et. Just really hope it will work as financially we just cant keep on and emotionally i am really drained. I feel bad about the smoking but its what i now turn to and it does make me feel better even for just five minutes. I havent got the strength to take on giving up right now. There was a time i would have thought "That girl cant want a baby that much if she wont give up smoking " but now i feel that it helps me to get through it all. Maybe i will get the strength soon. I will try. 
Where are you with ttc at the moment?


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## snagglepat

Hi Paula,

I just wanted to drop in here to wish you luck with this cycle - you really have been through the mill with it. Rae was a smoker before we started TTC although she'd tried to give up several times it was really tough for her. She was still struggling as we got to the point of inseminating her the first time (we tried with her initially) but from the moment of that insemination she managed to stop completely. She said it was to do with the fact that it wasn't her health she was compromising, but that of the potential child that might, possibly be inside her. She's managed to keep off them since too.

I have a couple of other friends who've found hypnotherapy has been the thing that finally got them to the point of managing to stop, although for this to work you have to really want to stop. Since I've been working with hypnotherapy for pregnancy and birth (and conception in our own case) I've been amazed at how powerful an effect it can have. I'm not sure if this is something you'd consider or not, but I thought I'd mention it.

Ultimately though, for better or for worse, you've got to get through this incredibly stressful process and you shouldn't feel guilty about it if it genuinely feels like it's the thing that is getting you through. I hadn't heard the 'ten years' comment either, although I know that smoking doesn't help, but the fact remains that there are smokers that get pregnant all the time. We could all quite easily let ourselves live in complete bubbles where we didn't eat or drink a multitude of things, only exercised certain ways, slept with lights on or off at certain times, and in certain positions, we overdosed on certain seeds or fruits and literally spent every minute of every day making sure we did nothing at all to compromise our fertility. And we'd all throw ourselves off bridges before long through the stress of it all. You do what you need to do to get through, and forgive yourself your lapses. Put the effort into making the change when you feel you have the strength and energy, and if that isn't now, accept it for the moment. Your sanity is really very important too. 

And *Tonia*, big hugs and best wishes to you for this FET. Let us know how things are progressing there when you have news.

*Mable*, I know you'll be coming back to this board soon as your downregging was due to finish again this week. I have to say I'm amazed at the way you've managed to come through this incredibly long and stressful time and I real, really hope that it's third time lucky for you with your stims dosage. I'll be sending every positive vibe I can muster your way that it works out for you this time.

Best wishes,

Gina. x


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## PaulaB

Oh snagglepat thanks so much for your message. After i posted mine i got really nervous that id be shunned and critisized for the smoking. I am grateful to you for being understanding. I have not tried hypnotherapy but i will look into it. I want to try to cut down gradually over next week and once my af comes i am going to really try to give up. I know its only a psycological belief that it reduces stress. In reality i know that nothing makes this whole thing any easier. Your scan picture is great and from your profile it sounds as though you have both been on a tough journey to get here. Hope things continue on well. I can say that having my DD was the most wonderful thing that has ever happened. Its all worth it in the end.P x


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## Damelottie

Hi Paula

I respond really well to hypnotherapy. I didn't see anybody I just ordered a Stop Smoking CD from the man I usually get mine from. It was just brilliant and I breezed through 3 months. And then... I got arrogant and decided to smoke at a wedding as a little treat. " months later and I'm back on about 10 a Day - feeling always ill and tired again, and spending money that I just haven't got!! Such a dreadful addictive habit. I shall start using the CD again and this time I will keep topping up with it whenever I feel like giving in.

RE: the 10 year fertility quote. Utter tosh in my mind. I'm quite sure it DOES affect some peoples fertility and doesn't other - in the way that some people get lung cancer and some don't. However, these stupid throw away stats are ridiculous. So how could it possible work? Does EVERY woman that has ever smoked get 10 years added? Whether you have smoked 40 a day for 30 years or whether you had a craft one behind the bike shed 20 years ago? So many factors are behind any kind of research outcomes and it doesn't help anyone to be told things like that - trying to stress you out even more and probably trying to make you feel guilty in the process.   


Love

Emma xx


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## TerriWW

Hello

I just wanted say that I've found the new set of threads difficult and confusing to keep up with and so haven't been posting. I haven't got time to scroll through them all to see what's going on - it's a real shame as I enjoyed popping onto the original thread and having a quick look how everyone was getting on.

Our update is ju should start downregulating for our second IVF early september and off we go again.

I really hope everyone else is doing well - I don't think I'm going to be posting much as it's confusing exactly where to post and it's hard finding everyone I was looking out for before and I haven't much spare time.

so .. *Mable * - really hope you get to the EC this time and the stims go (are going?) well and *Alison * best of luck with the twins.

Good luck everybody else

Terri


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## Damelottie

Terri

Sorry if you know this but if you go to the main Gay & Lesbian thread - you only have to click on the purple boxes that say new and you only get to the new posts - instead of having to scroll through all the posts.

You probably knew - jusy thought I'd mention it because I didn't find that or the "show new replies to your posts" for about a year


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## PaulaB

Hi Emma, Thanks, you are right of course, research can be interpreted in all sorts of ways. I tracked down where the ten year comment had come from. It was recent research that found that smokers doing ivf add ten years to their fertility. i googled ivf and smoking. But the research did not extend to whether giving up had any impact on that figure. So my clinic were just giving me the headline and leaving me driving myself mad with worry that it could be the reason treatment had failed. Like i need to have anything else to beat myself up with. I have never tried hypnotherapy but if your cd worked then i would certainly try it. Can you tell me what its called and ill try to get it. I just wish id never smoked and i hope my DD never does. I hate being addicted again. Good luck with trying to kick it and let me know how it goes. Your doggie picture is so cute.
Px


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## lucky2010

*Terri*, I'm sorry you feel like this.... I always look out for you!! I have just tried Emmas tip (i didn't know this so *THANKS EMMA*!!) and it's made keeping up to date a lot easier.... hope this makes it easier for you to stay posting!!!

Rach xx


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## PaulaB

Emma thats fine. But how do i send PM. So sorry about your tongue. God knows what they would say at my clinic if i had one! Thanks so much.Paulax


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## Damelottie

If you hover your mouse over my name it will turn red. Then click on that and it'll take you to my profile page. Towards the bottom there is a section 'send this member a personal message'. Let me know if you get stuck.


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## snagglepat

Another way to send a PM is to click on the little green scroll underneath the profile info to the left of each persons entry. This takes you directly to the PM page. 

Best wishes,

Gina. x


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## PaulaB

Hi emma
Got told off about cd so have no idea if you got my address or not. Let me know. 
Hello everyone else. Hope all is well with you. I am down regging at the moment and as this is 6th ivf am finding it really very hard. I know i should be optomistic but i think as i fear i will completely fall apart if it doesnt work i am afraid to even hope. Maybe if af arrives soon the hormones will level out a bit but its nowhere to be seen. Anyway will let you know if it arrives and any suggestions on how to think more positively are welcome.


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## snagglepat

Hi Paula,

I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling so low, and I'm sending as many positive vibes as I can muster to you for this cycle.

If you're open to trying hypnotherapy then Natal Hypnotherapy do a range of CDs to support you through TTC and they even have a specific one for IVF. I used their general preparing to conceive one and I know others on here have tried it too. Whether it actually makes a difference to the outcome is impossible to say but I know it made a massive difference to my positivity and mental state through it all.

There's a discussion about the IVF Companion one here: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=101597.0

You can buy the CDs from www.natalhypnotherapy.co.uk

Best wishes,

Gina. x


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## PaulaB

Thanks Gina will have a look at that site. P x


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## pem

Hi Paula, 

Just poppin on to give you   and to sy I'm sorry you're feeling so low, hope you can get through this cycle and acheive a positive result...

emma x


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## PaulaB

Thanks emma. Just wish af would at least arrive. I am feeling very stressed and have considered today whether i sould abandon this cycle and have a break. Just not sure i can cope with the stress and though i so desperately want it to work i have no feelings of positivity at all. Keep trying to give myself a good talking to and get on with it. Maybe af is iminant and thats why i feel so low. Anyway ive depressed you enough. But thanks for listening.Take care and have a lovely weekend.P x


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## Mable

Paula, I'm joining you on the feeling grim front. Am on my 3rd go at stimming to try to get to egg collection - this is my first and last IVF attempt. No tips on how to feel positive, just getting through the time is enough of a challenge. I think distraction is the key. Just had a good holiday in France which helped and am trying not to think about any of this too much.

Mable
ps re the smoking guilt trip thing, when I'm feeling guilty for having 1 decaff coffee a week I remember my alcoholic (smoking) client who got pregnant from a one night stand, took the morning after pill which didn't work and she continued drinking and smoking throughout. I also remember our clinic counsellor saying that with IVF there is little we can do to influence this process, it is a biological reaction which happens, or doesn't happen inspite of the circumstances it occurs in. I was asking about stress - she reminded me that women get pregnant following rape, very high stress.


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## PaulaB

Hi Mable, Its a hard old journey. I know its been a nightmare for you. I have a friend who has five kids and she smoked with all of them, even in labour. At the start of the ivfs i was really determined and careful about everything. Now i am just exhausted with it all and wonder if there will ever be a time where i can just get on with life without treatment factoring in everything. I dont know if you find the side effects of the drugs difficult or not. I find the mood swings really hard, but i suppose the hardest of all is the not knowing when and how it will all end. Its financially ruining us to. I think about all that money could have allowed us to do with our DD. Instead we survive on minimum budget in case we have more treatment. I certainly agree being distracted helps but it has a habit of creeping in to everything. Trying to find some way of having some positive feelings about it all this time but it is a real struggle. Helps to talk (or moan in my case!). Lets hope we are both posting good news of BFP soon. P x


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## Mable

Anyone else cycling at a clinic at the mo?

I'm bloating up here, with twinges gallore. Have no scan until the decider on Thursday, so trying to drink lots of water and stay hopeful. Today was thinking that in 3 weeks I could be pregnant - seems like a dream world, to be actually pregnant.


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## Tonia2

Hi all - just a quickie, 
*Mable* I know exactly what you mean - the idea of actually being pregnant feels like a fairy tale, - as likely me waking up one morning and being Cinderella all of a sudden. Have you had your scan yet Any plans? 

Hi *Paula*, Hi *Terri * - I've been thinking to send you a PM Terri but haven't had a chance to do it yet!  Please continue posting here!

I had a FET on Monday the 13th - 2 embies put back this time, I've called them Bill and Bob...  ...whatever... I haven't even looked to see what day I'm meant to be testing, I'm guessing it will be around the end of the month because they usually make it 16 or so days after ET. I've hardly thought about it at all - avoidance is my new coping strategy.  It's helped that besides the FET (which I had to go to on my own  ) we've accidently (almost) bought a house in the last week and been away on holiday to the East Coast for a few days and Bron has flown to Alice Springs (in another state - MILES away) for 6 weeks for work - that's all been in the last 7 days. Typical -she signs up to buy a house and leaves me with it to finalise everything... 
I'm not feeling overly positive re. the FET. It all seems too impossible for it to actually work. Time will tell.

will catch up properly later. 
Love Toni
xx


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## starrysky

good luck and masses of   mable, paula and tonia

l.

heather


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## Mable

Fingers crossed for Tonia and your 2ww.

How's the DRging going Paula?

Hi Heather, how's it going for you and Jo? I think I need one of your follie dances  

I'm feeling grim, had scan today, have 35+ follies so am at risk of OHSS again but not many big enough for EC next week. I've got 2 that are 16mm, and 4 or 5 around the 12mm mark - not enough they say, unless the ones at 12mm catch up over the weekend. I'm carrying on on same dose until Monday, if they do grow, I can have EC at the end of next week. I may not be able to continue anyway because of my oestradiol level (which they took today). Feels a bit hopeless, I don't seem to be able to produce big enough follicles without overstimulating and it being dangerous. Am in quite a lot of pain as it is now, sore and very bloated. And so exhausted.

Have discussed with E and if I can't carry on with this cycle, I can't see how I can do IVF and don't see any point in me wasting our last 4 vials of allocated sperm (it isn't even sibling sperm, just all we're allowed) on IUI so we think that E will have another go at IVF, try and squeeze it in before her 40th birthday next summer.

Anyway, I'm sure you'll all be willing me on to be positive but I FEEL LIKE GIVING UP, and right now, it would feel like a treat to not have to do this TTCing any more.
Miserable Mable


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## PaulaB

Oh Mable i am so sorry to hear things are not looking to good again. Its such hard work when things are going ok so it must be really very hard for you and i feel so sad that you may have to give up. I will send lots of good thoughts to you and hope for more promising news at next scan. There is a real pressure when there is a limited amount of sperm. Is it an option to get more from anywhere? Is it an option to go somewhere like spain where there seems to be a more plentiful supply. Or maybe a friend. I am sure you have thought through all the options. Just so hard to know what to say. 
Things with me are going on slowly. I finally got af so things now back on track after suspected cyst. Now waiting for scan next tuesday to see if i can start stimming.

Take care 
Paula xxx


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## lucky2010

Mable


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## pem

Oh Mable, I'm filling up for you here, I really really feel for you, it must be agony both physically and mentally what you are going through. Like paula, i find it hard to know what to say. Just know that i will be willing my absolute most positive thoughts in your direction and really hopin that your next scan has a more positive outcome. This ttc experience is really really hard, keep as strong and as positive as you can, we illa llbe thinking of you and willing you on.

Here's a follie dance for you

                               

Emma x


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## nickster

Thinking of you *Mable*, and really hoping for a good result on Monday. 

xxx


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## snagglepat

Oh *Mable*,

Like the others, I have no words, just a huge feeling of sympathy and support for what you're going through. It must be so, so hard, especially to think that this might be your last chance of becoming a bio-mum. Is there nowhere else you could source sperm from if you needed it? I too am rooting for good news for you at the scan on Monday. I wish there was something I/we/you could do to ensure a positive outcome. Both Rae and I are sitting here and thinking of you.

A follie dance for you from me too:

            
            
            ​
*Tonia*, great to see you on here again.  I'm sending tons of positivity and stickiness to you and your embies too. Go Bill and Bob!    It's amazing news about the house too, though it sounds rather stressful at the same. Is it far from where you are at the moment? At least all the sorting out will hopefully distract you from the 2ww. Good luck to Bron for her 6 weeks away too. It must be tough being so far apart. Is there any chance of you being physically together when this 2ww comes to an end? Sending lots of love to you both.

*Paula*, good luck to you for next week's scan as well. Fingers crossed everything will be as it should and you can get cracking with the stims.

Best wishes to all,

Gina. x


----------



## blueytoo

*Mable* - what a total nightmare you are going through right now. Sending you loads of vibes for your scan   Maybe if things don't go to plan this time you just need to take a couple of months with no drugs at all and then go into a completely fresh cycle and also get your clinic to change your stim drugs. Are you on menopur? Also you could think about changing clinic. I really feel for you as its a bloody awful situation to be in.  There are plenty of other drug protocols to be tried and if you're clinic won't consider them there are others who wouldn't hesitate.

*Tonia
* - loads of sticky vibes for your embies - really, really hoping this is the one for you hun  

*Gina* - great belly! Enjoy the last weeks of pregnancy.

I've stepped back into the madness now with tx#8 & egg share #4. Started the pill on Wednesday and got my paperwork and sniffs in the post today. Blood tests all back and ok. Just spoke to the clinic and they'll let me know my dates shortly once they've spoken to the recipient.

I actually can't believe I am putting myself through all this again. My DS said to me last night that he thought I was really brave - he's so sweet.

Claire xx


----------



## pem

Hiyah Guys!!

Just poppin on to say good luck and lots of     to Tonia for that 2ww, Paula and Claire for your downregging and Terri for your upcoming treatment!!

Another   for Mable ..

Emma x


----------



## duff

Best of luck Mable.  I'm hoping so hard that those follicles of yours catch up and your levels stay low.


----------



## Julie-Anne

Hi Marble,

Have just responded to your pm about my experience of over stimming and getting to eC and et. Should have read youR message better as I explained the change oF protocol I had which took me from 70+ follicle's and E2 levels being to high so the cycle being abandoned to for the last cycle and this one having approx 40 follicles and getting to ec and et. 
Sorry I did not click that you were stimming and at risk of abandoning now. So hope the coasting will get your follicles there     and you do not have to abandon as I too know how distressing this is. 

Good luck sweetie and let me know if you need any more info. I set up a vote under the voting section on follicle numbers at EC and there were a few others who posted on it recently who got to EC with really high numbers too. It  might be worth asking them what they did too.

Good luck

Julie xx


----------



## Mable

Thanks you guys.   Those follie dances are just excellent. Feeling a bit more reconciled to the situation now. Fingers crossed all round. E is totally against recruiting our own donor, so we are in the hands of the clinic. Might be good advice to change clinics. 

Fingers crossed for Duff and Tonia (great news about the house purchase!)
Mable


----------



## Tonia2

Hi Mable hun, I've been thinking of you, hope you're doing ok. Are you having another scan tomorrow, to see how its going?   Best wishes are coming your way.
Love Toni
xx


----------



## pem

Hiyah Guys!!

Mable - just seen this thread re an article in Grazia about tailored IVF regimes

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=108712.0

Talks about how a computer programme can tailor the stims etc to your needs, don't know if it will help you at all but though you might find it interesting.

hope all you guys are doing ok  

Emma


----------



## TerriWW

Hi everyone

Just logged on to have a look who's doing what. 

Tonia - good luck in your 2ww  

Mable - I really feel for you - but I really get the feeling that your clinic is not doing it's job! why don't they monitor you more closely and change the dose within a cycle from day to day if necessary. (ok not everyday but something seems wrong). I really hope those smaller follicles catch up. Is there any reason why they won't? In julia's first cycle, she had 10 follicles four at 18 four at 16 and a couple a bit smaller when we triggered. But we only got 5 eggs so this time they are going to let her stim for a day or two longer - don't your clinic adjust like this? Also julia only ever started on 150 iui for stim - didn't you do double that on the first cycle? Isn't that high to start with? Were your original blood results not so good? Ok -  you don't have to answer all these questions!   - it's just what springs to my mind when I see what you're going through 

Julia is on day 3 of her cycle and will start to down reg on day 21 - so we're still a long way off

Hope everyone else is ok

Terri


----------



## Mable

Hello,
Thanks for all your thoughts. My FSH is low, my clinic's protocol is to start women of 37 on 300. We didn't know that I'd have this tendency to overstimulate, so it's hard to get 10 follicles big enough on a low enough dose without overstimulating.

In order to get them big enough, I am now overstimulating again, I have 50 follicles, over 10 big enough now for EC so, with a big OHSS warning, I'm booked in for EC on Wednesday morning. I have 4 huge follicles, off the scale (over 25mm) hence my bloated stomach, my ovaries are touching ("kissing" as they romantically put it). Obviously 50 is a lot, and I'm at a high risk of OHSS but I can't go on a lower dose without not producing big enough follicles. So I'm stuffed.

If anyone has any tips on managing OHSS I'd be most grateful. If I get it bad, I can't have a fresh embryo transfer and they'll do FET with has half the success rate, so I'm obviously keen to manage the OHSS.

How are you feeling Tonia on your 2ww? Keeping everything crossed for you.

Doing my trigger tonight, can't quite believe that I've moved beyond downregging/stimming over and over again and actually get to do a different injection!

Mable


----------



## PaulaB

Mabel well done thats great news. Really hope you get some lovely eggs and that things can progress from there. think drinking huge amounts is what is usually advised for ohss. i have had mildly before and felt unwell and was sick several times. drinking helped. Just so pleased you can move further this time. Will be thinking of you on wednesday. xxxxx


----------



## blueytoo

Oh Mable I've been thinking of you all weekend and am really glad you will finally get to EC. I do agree with the other poster that said your clinic has managed this badly - its certainly not how my clinic would have handled it at all.

I'm usually on 300 (3 vials each day) because I'm an egg sharer so they like to a min of 10 eggs. I have always got 16,17 or 18 eggs on this protocol. My FSH is low too. On my first go I was on alternate days of 2 and then 3 vials and only got 12 eggs. Why are your clinic so keen for you to have 10 follies if you aren't egg sharing? The non-egg sharers at the Lister are aimed at getting 6-8 follies.

Re OHSS - drink until you physically can't drink anymore is the best way to try to manage it - and then drink some more. If I get OHSS I am stuffed as water makes me vomit! My ovary was lying over my uterus when I got to ET last Sept in my last fresh cycle - man that made ET hurt so I can well imagine how much you will be feeling it.

After EC I was regularly take nurofen alternating with parcetamol every two hours so you keep on top of the uncomfortableness before it gets too bad - I've heard it can be worse for those who are over stimulated after EC.

Keeping everything crossed for you and keep an eye on your breathing!

Claire x


----------



## Tonia2

*Mable -* I'm delighted that you're going to ET finally!! Yay!!    I do hope that it all goes well - it must be worrying you re the OHSS. The only thing I've heard is to drink plenty. And to get Edith to make sure they monitor you carefully in the weeks afterwards (- you might not feel like being a huge advocate for yourself, so make sure she's ready to, just in case!) Having said that, I know of several women going into ET at risk of OHSS and they've been fine afterwards. So, as useless as it sounds, try not to worry too much!! My sister in law had two children as a result of FET too, and there's a woman on the Aussie /Kiwi board who's about to give birth to a baby as a result of FET, so it must work somewhere.... good luck!!    Do keep us posted, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow (it's Tuesday morning here)....   

I'm on day 8 of the 2ww and have nothing really to report. I just worked out now that I'm meant to test on the 29th August, which is 16 days post ET, but i'm thinking I might do it on the evening of the 27th. If no AF before that. Lets see if I hold out over the weekend!! 
*Gina, * I might test with Bron on the other end of the phone!! That would be slightly novel!  There's no way she can be here, so that'll be just as good. Nearly!! I haven't missed her as much as I thought I would, yet. Have been really busy and the puppies are good company, so it's all good! And we chat at least once a day, usually more, so it's not been too bad. I think she's missed me more! She's having a ball there though and is talking about us moving to Alice Springs. ...Yeah, right, its only a week since we've bought a new house here!! Move to the Northern Territory? ...I don't think so!!   We bought in Penguin, do you remember Penguin? Right on the beach, along the coarst from where we are now. That's where the market was, we spent the Sunday there when you were here. The house is on a nice spot on a hill with broken sea views and close to the main part of town. Location wise it's a good investment, which was the major appeal. I[m a bit nervous about the new mortgage though. The house needs a bit of work before we move in though so I'm tryng not to stress about gutting bathrooms and kitchens, and redoing all the floors.... it'll be nice when it's done, it's livable now as is, but it will be heaps nicer once we do a bit of work. It's got these horrid 1970's shutters on the outside - I'm itching to go and get them off!

Love to all, thinking of you esp Mable  
Toni


----------



## lucky2010

*Mable*, good luck for tomorrow.... will be thinking of you and have everything crossed x


----------



## pem

Mable - what brilliant news, lots of     for tomorrow, hope everything goes well for you!!

Emma


----------



## Damelottie

*Good luck tommorow Mable*

Wishing you ALL the luck in the world!


----------



## Mable

Thanks Emma and Lottie, Rach, Pem, Tonia, Claire and Paula for your thoughts and well wishes. Please keep your fingers crossed for me tomorrow at 9.30am (it might not be possible for Tonia I accept!).

Thanks for your OHSS advice, I am drinking loads and intend to keep on and not get OHSS. I like Claire's advice to drink until you can't drink any more and then drink more. That's what I'm doing.

Mable


----------



## rosypie

Mable - what a crappy time you're having. I have no words, and cannot believe your luck. If this was a soap opera I'd be shouting at the telly, "what an IMPROBABLE storyline grrrrr!!". I have everything crossed for you tomorrow that EC goes ok and that the OHSS buggers off leaving you well enough to have a proper ET rather than FET.

We'll both be thinking of you tomorrow morning xxx


----------



## snagglepat

*Mable*, I will set the alarm on my phone to go off tomorrow at 9:30 so I can sit and think REALLY hard about you and your fabulously successful EC, complete absence of OHSS and beautiful ET a few days later. I'm going to be sending positive vibes until I levitate with them. You so deserve this to work. Here's to a great crop!

*Tonia*, of course I remember Penguin! We parked just up from the beach when we were at the market and it was a lovely spot. The little glass frog (that still lives right next to my bed as my good luck fertility guardian) that you gave me came from there. I have lovely memories of that day: cherry ripe cheesecake, the wandering alpaca and much contented market mooching, not to mention the fabulous company. I'm sure you'll have a great time doing all the renovations on the new place, although I can imagine they must be daunting too. Send pictures. 

Wishing you all the best with Bill and Bob too. Phone testing - you could start a whole new craze! I'm glad you're managing not to miss Bron too much too.

Best wishes,

Gina. x


----------



## blueytoo

Good luck for tomorrow Mable -  I will be thinking of you and keeping everything crossed.

Claire x


----------



## Mable

Thanks so much Ros and Eve, Gina and Claire again for your good wishes. Feeling confident I can keep OHSS at bay. Edith has gone out and bought up most of holland and barrett, I had junk food in mind for after EC.

So pleased to be getting this far now, I will be pleased to report in after EC tomorrow.

Best of luck to Tonia on your 2ww


----------



## duff

Hey Mable and Tonia , best of luck to both of you!


----------



## nickster

I'm just in time to wish you luck *Mable*! x


----------



## pem

It's 9.30 and time to wish Mable loads of luck, hope you're going ok


----------



## snagglepat

Thinking of you *Mable*. I'm imagining an absolute forest of lovely ripe eggs being collected as I type. Fingers crossed!

Gina. x


----------



## Alison0702

*Mable* I am so happy you have eventually got to EC. I am hoping for lots of nice eggs  Hope you are ok afterwards, and cant wait ot hear all about it.


----------



## Mable

Hi,
Thanks so much you super guys for all your goodluck thoughts. Egg collection was really great, they got 21 eggs from my 50 follicles and it just feels so great that they are emptied, I cannot tell you how uncomfortable that was.

A bit embarrassing, during EC (with sedation not GA), Edith was beside me holding my hand and apparently I kept asking for kisses and cuddles (from her, thank goodness, not the nurse) and insisting on more, with puckered lips towards her. Oh dear...

Feeling fine so far. The new man's sperm defrosted really well so they are only using 1 vial (we only have 4 left) and doing IVF. I'll report in tomorrow with embryo news.

Thanks again for all your thoughts etc, you are a great lot!
Mable


----------



## pem

Oh Yah, Mable got her eggies, Mable got her eggies na na na na, na na na na !!      Bet you feel better now!!! Think about my poor chucks, they have to carry round Enormous eggs up their butts all day..    

Really Pleased it went so well, sending you lots of    for your embies now!!


----------



## candygirl

So pleased you finally made it to EC Mable - and brilliant that you got 21 eggs.  Fingers crossed that lots of them make lovely embryos...

  

Candy x


----------



## snagglepat

[fly]*Woo hoo!!!!!!!*[/fly]

What a lovely crop of eggs you got! I have everything crossed that they fertilise and develop spectacularly over the next day or so. I'm so glad you finally got here. Here's to some lovely fertilisation and to no OHSS whatsoever. Good luck!

Gina. x


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Oh Mable sending your embryos lots of    and wishing you well for ET
L x


----------



## PaulaB

Mable thats such wonderful news for you both. Really hope that they all do well and will be looking out for your news. P x


----------



## Damelottie

Great news Mable. 

GO EMBIES!!!!


----------



## Tonia2

Yay Yay yay!!! 
Well done Mable! 
21 !!! That's fantastic!!       for a wonderful fertilisation rate! 
heh heh heh - re. the effects of sedation! I was always worried what I might say or do under sedation - I guess now YOU know!!

 for you both
Love Toni


----------



## Mable

Thanks so much for all your messages. I've got 10 embies at the moment, fingers crossed they all start dividing. I'm booked in for a clinic appointment on Saturday but if the embies look good they will leave them another 2 days to go to blastocyst, or not, depending on how they look on Saturday.

I'm feeling quite bloated and bruised inside, but I suppose with 50 follies and the needle going into each one in turn, it would feel like that. No signs of OHSS at the moment.

Thanks everyone and keep your fingers crossed,
Mable


----------



## PaulaB

Thats sounding very positive Mable. you get plenty of rest so your body is ready for them when they go back. Really do nothing just rest. Keep us updated and take care xxx


----------



## pem

Mable     Definitely keep resting!!


----------



## Damelottie

Feet up as much as poss Mable!


----------



## Mable

I know but daytime tv is SO boring it's rotting my brain. Thinking of getting out my Dawsons Creek videos and indulging in some nostalgia. Anyone got any tips for passing the time?


----------



## Damelottie

Join Amazon rent a DVD and start going through all the old TV series. 

ER - Season1


----------



## PaulaB

Mable-Prison break two series and Spooks three series. Knit, internet shopping, sleeping and eating lots.
Make board games for Monty to play, make story books for him using magazines or take digital photos of his toys in a story, Emily loves that. Oh and rest!


----------



## pem

L Word 1, 2, 3 and 4 (if you've got a spare £60 for series 4).


----------



## blueytoo

Mable - fantastic news about EC and embies!! So please for you hun.

Keep drinking that water and I second suggestions of L Word and Spooks DVD's and what about CSI too?


----------



## Mable

2 embies put back in this morning on day 3, an 8 cell grade 1 and a 6 cell grade 2. They thought that was good. Had big OHSS warning and had to kind of beg the consultant to go ahead as my oestradol levels are high but am prepared to take the risk - I've come so far now, I don't want my embies in the freezer. 

Feel like I've had a major operation and been trampled on by elephants. Can't really do much, tried to take Monty to the swings this afternoon and had to lie down by the swing whilst he swung himself, going 'Weeee' to himself.

Thanks all for your viewing suggestions. Have taken next week off sick, as can hardly move.

So I'm officially on the 2ww - eek, never thought I'd get this far.
Thanks everyone for your support,
Mable


----------



## duff

OH Mable well done!  I'm so pleased that you are finally in the 2ww.  As everyone else has said, take it easy and put your feet up as much as possible with little Monty running around!


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Mable wishing you loads of luck on your 2ww - take things easy lifting Monty   I have good vibes for you!!!! 
        


L xx


----------



## blueytoo

Wooohooo Mable - embies sound great!!    

No more taking Monty to the swings - you need to lie down and drink water and nothing else!

Everything crossed for you

Claire xx


----------



## Tonia2

yay Mable!!  I am so pleased for you!! 
Keep those feet up!  

       
Tonia


----------



## Mable

Thanks Jason, Claire, Tonia, Emma and Louise,
Feeling a bit more human this morning, with period pain instead of that full up with fluid feeling. Hope my embies are ok in there and are still dividing.

How are you feeling Tonia? Can't remember your test date, could you remind me?
Mable


----------



## lucky2010

good luck Mable.... I'm so glad you've got this far. Sensible taking the week off.... come on embies. I feel you are going to be joining Alison with twins!!!!

Rach x


----------



## PaulaB

Mable - so glad that you have your embies on board. You must take it easy. I really do understand how hard that is as i have a four year old who can think of a hundred things she needs to do right now with me, but for these couple of weeks you need to be selfish and put your bidy first. I say it to you but i know its easier said than done. Just try to get rest and avoid the lifting. I feel positive for you and i really hope you have a good result. Paulaxxxx


----------



## Tonia2

Hi guys, 
well it's all over for me this cycle.  My AF arrived last Friday afternoon, (earlier than it should have) so I did the obligatory test - bfn, as expected. I rang the clinic late Fiday and they said it was too early to be entirely sure, so I had to test again this morning. So I duly have and it's still a bfn.  I suppose it _was_ clutching at straws, given I've bled all weekend....  Official test date wasn't supposed to be til this Wednesday, so I didn't come anywhere close to making it!! 
I'm feeling a bit more disappointed this time because I'd had what I can only explain as an implantation bleed on day 4 after the FET, and I NEVER have bled or spotted between cycles before... so it was hard not to get just a little bit hopeful. 

I'm feeling pretty gutted at the moment. I'm not sure how long I can keep doing this. 
How do you know when you just have to draw the line??


Tonia


----------



## duff

Oh Tonia!  I'm SO sorry.  Of course you would have got a bit hopeful after that implantation bleed.  How disappointing.  

Loads of love to you both.


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Oh Tonia- I am so sorry for you and the huge disappointment, it is so heart sinking and devastating getting a negative result - thinking of you both .
L x


----------



## Damelottie

Oh Tonia   

So so sorry! Oh this is so hard.

I'm thinking of you

Emma xxx


----------



## Mable

Tonia,
Really sorry, cannot believe it really. Really really gutting. As you say, how long can you keep doing this and getting negatives. I can't imagine how bad you're feeling and how grim the babymaking future looks right now. I remember your post a while back where you went through all your attempts and described your uber healthy lifestyle - there really does seem to be no reason why this isn't happening for you. Even more frustrating. 

We've decided to go on an exotic holiday in October if this IVF doesn't work. I know it won't ease the pain of a BFN but it's something to plan and look forward to that will be positive and within our control.

Thinking of you and Bron,
Mable x


----------



## PaulaB

Tonia- So sorry to hear your news. Its really devestating. I had an implantation type bleed on my fifth ivf and it did make the bfn even more painful. Its just so hard. Take care of yourself. P x


----------



## snagglepat

Oh *Toni*,

I'm so sorry that it wasn't to be. With Bron away it must be that much harder to pick yourself up from. Sending you mountains of love to try and help you through the next few weeks.

I know what you mean about wondering how much more you can take and whether or not to carry on. Only you two can decide what's best for you on that front (and you know that I'm around for you for support on any of this), but whatever happens, do take the time you need to grieve for this cycle before you make any lasting decisions. Thinking of you. xxx Mable's idea of planning something exciting and appealing that you can control is a great one.

*Mable*, it's great to hear you finally made it into the 2ww. I'm crossing all available digits for you.

Sending best wishes all round,

Gina. x


----------



## candygirl

*Tonia * - so sorry to hear you've had another BFN. It must be so hard.

*Mable * - I also have everything crossed for you (and I'm so glad you finally made it to ET on this cycle).


----------



## pem

Oh Tonia ,        . I'm so gutted for you, sending lots of hugs, lovely thoughts and warm feelings to help you through this horrible horrible time. Like Gina says, please do take the time to grieve before making your decisions abou the future, this ttc is so bloody hard, will be thinking about you 

Mable - Great that you finally got there after all that agonising waiting, sending you lots of     and thinking of you too!!

Emma


----------



## mintyfaglady

Hi, I was wondering if any others out there are undergoing IUI. I notice that most of you on this thread are having IVF and I feel kind of bad moaning about having a hard time here when it's clearly not in the same league as what most of you are going through (Tonia, I'm sorry you've had another BFN - I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to face that again and then try to pick yourself up and go on.)

Should we set up a separate thread, or am I being oversensitive? I think I'd probably annoy myself if I was in that position, if you know what I mean, and I don't want to tee anyone off.
minty.


----------



## Mable

Minty - go for it on here, I think. Otherwise, with all our subdivisions, you might find yourself alone right now.

Am having awful cramps and twinges. Am only day 5 post 3 day transfer, had egg collection exactly a week ago. Feels a bit early for AF but have spent all day rushing to the loo thinking it's all over already. Bloody awful.

Think I've managed to avoid hospital for this stage of the OHSS - today the HCG should be out of my system so if it was going to hit bad, it would have hit. Am strangely having hot flushes/dizzy spells, nausea and am generally exhausted. These on and off cramps/dragging downwards feelings come and go, they were really bad in the night last night and remind me of the last 2 times I was on clomid on the 2ww - and they didn't end in a BFP. Do feel a bit gloomy and trying to come to terms with it not working, after all this.

Ho hum....off to drive myself mad googling tummy cramps in the 2ww .
Mable


----------



## PaulaB

Mable- its so hard during the two week wait because every feeling is magnified and you read into everything. I really hope the feelings you are experiencing are because things have taken. I am a fine one to say this as i am a complete nightmare, but try to stay positive and as stress free as possible. Rest even more and dont read that stuff on the internet. Of course i would be doing the same as you are so all i can say is ill be sending positive thoughts and really hoping for a positive for you. P x


----------



## rosypie

I've everything crossed for you here Mable. Like Paula said, try to relax and not read anything into anything. I had AF cramps well before test day, scoured the TWW diaries and came to no conclusion. For some it worked, for others not. It's the same thing you know already, you've got 2 chances.

We're all willing you on, when's your official test date?


----------



## pem

Mable - Guess what. I am going to repeat what everyone else has said, I have had cramps of all kinds through every one of my cycles, BFP and BFN. Try not to google like mad (hilarious advice from me the mad googler I know!!) Keep positive, I really hope this works out for you, you deserve it, rest up and imagine them embies snuggling in!

Minty- I would definitely stick here too, I am a bad naughty girl and post wherever it takes my fancy    !! Just can't help myself   and I am sure nobody minds..do you ladies??

Emma


----------



## TerriWW

HI everyone

Not looked at the board for a while so big congratulations *Mable * for getting those embryos put back - hurray!! Finger crossed for you

*Tonia * - really sorry for your BFN. Thinking of you

Ju starts downregulating for IVF number 2 in about 10 days ....

Terri


----------



## nickster

*Tonia* - I haven't had a chance to say how sorry I am to hear your news.  xxx


----------



## Mable

Me again, seem to be on this torturous 2ww on my own. The cramps subsided a bit, I did some research into cyclogest pessaries and it might be them. They are certainly making my breasts big and sore, my nipples dark and making me feel exhausted. I seem to be very sensitive to these hormones.

Felt better yesterday and managed to give Edith the afternoon off and took Monty to the park, which involved lifting him in and out of the pushchair, carseat, swing and generally chasing around after him whilst he chased around after pigeons. Felt a bit tentative and sore. Today am feeling awful, have been in bed all day just feeling utterly exhausted, have a headache and feel as though there is a clamp on my cervix pulling it downwards.

Tomorrow am 7 days post embryo transfer, feels like a milestone but still a long way to go. Am back to work on Monday which is worrying me, but I'll just have to take it easy.

I test a week today.

*Paula * - how's the stimming going? How do you respond to the drugs?

*Tonia* - how are you feeling?

*Minty * - where are you on the IUI rollercoaster?

Well, back to my bed. Have got rather hooked on Australian daytime soaps. 
Thanks for your crossed fingers everyone - please keep the crossed for another week!
Mable


----------



## PaulaB

Hi Mable, it sounds like youdo get affected by the hormones a lot, though i am hoping that your symptoms are for another reason. I have been through the two week wait many times and it is just so hard. the last few days really drag so plan some distractions if possible. I have a four year old and as i have been doing treatment since she was 18 months i know how hard it is not to do the lifting and running about. theres no choice really at times. You can only take reasonable care really and remember that people do all sorts when they dont even know they are pregnant. Will keep everything crossed for you.
As for me, stimming going ok. I was back today for a scan and i have 16 good sized follies which just need a bit longer. will scan again monday and ec will be wednesday. I am feeling very bloated and uncomfortable but i know you have been through much worse. i really hope i can get a frostie this time. At my previous clinic they would freeze whatever they got, but this clinic only freezes blastocycst so i would love to get that far. It would allow me the option of another treatment which is otherwise unlikely. Trying to be more optomistic to get me through the days. But if i am honest i just cant imagine ever posting my own BFP news on the board. Have to wait and see and i hate the waiting more than anything else. take care P x


----------



## Mable

Dear Paula,
Really hope this is the one for you. Can't imagine what you've been through, can't imagine this being my 6th IVF 2ww. Will be rooting for you all the way. Your stimming sounds good, fingers crossed for ec next week and hope you don't feel too bloated.
Let us know how you get on.
Mable


----------



## lucky2010

I'm keeping my eye on your progress *Mable* and have everything crossed for you.... Hope to see you on the pregnancy thread soon!

Good luck to you too *Paula*... fingers crossed!

Love Rach x


----------



## Tonia2

Hi guys, 
*Mable* - I had the cyclogest pesseries for one cycle and I HATED them! I got really bad cramps too, apparently that's pretty normal for most people. And really sore boobs... It doesn't make it much fun - do you have to have them morning and night? Blegh!
I'm not so sure about them making your nipples darker though- there just might be something else going on there!!  Fingers crossed!

*Paula -* good luck for your scan on Monday and EC on Wednesday! 16 follies sounds great!! I have an exceptional cycle when I get half that!!  I hope the new clinic gets you lots of happy little blasties!! Thinking of you. x

There's not much at all going on with me. I'm not going to manage to fit in a FET before consultant goes on holidays I don't think, though I'm going to ring again on Monday and double check. 
I'm feeling a bit over it all at the moment. It's just all too hard, so I'm trying not to give it too much thought.  It's a bit hard though, I seem to keep coming across people with babies and bumps all the time at the moment. so it's hard to forget about it!! I do have a appt booked to see the consultant on Thursday, so am wondering if I should push for starting a new IVF cycle so that I can start the drugs while he's away. He may want me to use up the 3 frosties first though... we'll see.

The other night I worked out that I've had 13 2ww's and have therefore effectively spent 6 continous months of my life on the 2ww. (I was having trouble sleeping when I was thinking this!) It actually feels like more than 6 months... 

I'm missing Bron heaps! I was ok with it the first 10 days or so, but not so the last 2 weeks! She still doens't have date for when shés coming back yet, but it should be only 1 -2 weeks away.  And they want her to go back after a few weeks here. ...oh well....

love to you all, 
Toni


----------



## PaulaB

Toni- Thanks for good wishes. Ive done 15 2ww this time around so i really know the feeling. I think thats why i am dreading the next one so much. It definately doesnt get easier thats for sure. I really hope you can go ahead with your FET or another cycle soon. Its horrible waiting to get strted again. I am dreading my DP going on a weeks course in sept. Apart from the timing (just after i get result of this cycle) but we have not been parted for that long in eleven years. Cant imagine how had its been for you, Thinking of you and hope you get bron back soon. P x


----------



## Mable

Hello,
Day 10 today and back at work. Feeling very emotional and incapable. Have a strong pressure on my bladder/front public bone, don't know how to describe it, it's not cramps, more a heavy feeling. Anyway, get told off at home for talking about my symptoms, as they are not to be read into in any way and not accurate. Just wanted to also report that I'm up in the night twice for a wee, even though I've cut down loads the amount I'm drinking. As time goes on I am feeling hopeful (trying not to dread my period coming all the time, although have been knicker checking quite a lot today) but am also aware that I could get all the way to Day 14 and still get a BFN - as the consultant pointed out to me, it's a 70% chance of it going this way.

Tonia, I can totally understand you feeling 'over it' - so sorry Bron isn't there with you at the moment. Is extra hard doing this alone. Hope it goes OK on Thursday and you have some fresh hope. The cyclogest/progesterone does cause all the early pregnancy breast, mood etc changes so I can't pin any hope on my nips!

Good luck this week Paula.     for your follies and healthy big eggs.
Mable 
ps note to self, must not read any more 2ww diaries looking for symptoms like my own..


----------



## PaulaB

Hi Mabel,
Oh i wish i could fast forward for you. These last few days before test are just so hard. The Knicker checking and the searching for symptoms is just so familiar and i am dreading having it all to come. You will be testing soon and hopefully the dragging feeling is a positive sign.
I had scan today and the consultant greeted my saying "i am surprised to be seeing you today i thought you would be having egg collection by now". I am quite cross really as i had also expected it today and when he scanned the bigger follies are 22mm already. I have spent the weekend in pain and had to spend an extra £180 on drugs that clearly were not needed. He couldnt give me any reason just said its fine for wednesday. I think it was they couldnt fit in another egg collection today so they left me or more concerning, someone has made a mistake. Just feel really worried that the quality could be compromised. Why didnt i date a gynecologist instaed of a computer analyst! Anyway its out of my hands now so will have to just hope that i get some decent eggs and that by some miracle it works this time. Take care and i am sending lots of positive thoughts your way.P xxxx


----------



## Mable

Good luck tomorrow for Egg Collection tomorrow      Hope they get loads and loads of good eggs and the start of fertilization is good. 

Sorry to hear about your struggle with the clinic and them delaying you. You must be so uncomfortable now, but at least those big ones will be lovely ripe eggs. I had about 4 off the chart too, it was very sore, especially afterwards when they filled up with fluid. Hope you won't be too sore.

Day 11 for me and all my aches and pains have vanished for the day. I am like a dripping tap down below so lots of knicker checking going on, but it's just great to not have that feeling that AF is coming any moment. 
Mable


----------



## nickster

Hi Mable

Really thinking of you. My partner (should say 'wife' now, I guess!) is similarly dismissive of me trying to interpret signs, but it's impossible not to... even though I know it's pretty meaningless.

I hope the next few days pass quickly. You should try moving house - it would be a great distraction!!!

Nickyx


----------



## MG

Hello everyone!  

Well it has certainly been a while since I last posted (beginning of the year). Thought time away would do me good while I waited to start tx again and it has. It has and will take me ages to catch up with all your news so I'll just quickly update you on mine.

I decided on doing an IUI with drugs rather than continuing with IVF (for now!). I have just started an IUI and will be getting scanned this week so I'm hoping to see 2 or 3 follicles ideally! I will feel cheated doing all these injections and only getting one follicle as I've had two ET's with two so-called 'excellent/v. good quality embryos' transferred and that didn't work so I just feel like one egg is obviously not enough for me! I'm certain implantation is my issue so I need all the chances I can get!  

Hoping my BFP will be coming soon. It is about time I 'graduated' as it has been about 3 yrs since I started all this roller coasting!

Please wish me luck girls as I need all the luck I can get. I've got to the point where I feel like I'm so in the process that I'm always surprised when someone mentions pregnancy/baby to do with my cycle. It's like 'oh that's what I'm going through all this for!'

I love the new board set up by the way! Much more friendly to whereever you are in the process!

Melissa xx


----------



## PaulaB

Hi everyone,
Really quick update on ec. I got 12 eggs so am pleased with that. In a lot of pain and knocking back painkillers. Have the dreaded call tomorrow. Take care all and will do some proper posts soon.Pxxx


----------



## Mable

Well done Paula! Take care, hope the belly doesn't feel too sore too long.

Hello Melissa, wishing you *loads* and *loads* of luck. I really do think this is what it comes down to. Interesting that you are returning to IUI from IVF. I am thinking of doing this myself, as it all does come down to chance I am thinking that it might be the most sensible way forward (I overstimulate and feel very ill).

Glad you like the new boards. Although some people don't like it and we are more separate than we were, I am at the moment glad that I can choose to go and read the ongoing pregnancy news or not at the moment, it helps me on this torturous 2ww that it is separate and I can opt in or out.

Love and luck to everyone
Mable


----------



## duff

Nice one Paula!  Godo luck for tomorrow (and onwards after that!)  

Melissa - I hope it goes well at the scan.

and Mable -    thinking of you!


----------



## PaulaB

Thanks for good wishes everyone. All twelve eggs fertilized so will have to see how they got on tomorrow. Very nervous but hoping some will make it to day three at least. P x


----------



## duff

PaulaB said:


> All twelve eggs fertilized


this is blooming wonderful, Paula! what a great start.


----------



## snagglepat

Hi folks,

*Paula*, that's fantastic! I imagine if they're doing that well now a good few of them should keep it up. Well done little eggies! Come on embies! 

*Mable*, I just wanted to pop on and wish you a mountain of good luck wishes for testing tomorrow. It is tomorrow isn't it? I've been willing this 2ww to pass quickly for you,and to end positively. I've got all available digits crossed for you.

*Melissa*, good to see you again! And good luck to you with the IUIs. I know what you mean about sometimes forgetting what this is all for. I think that was why it took so long for our BFP to sink in. You've been trying for nearly as long as we were now, so I reckon it just has to be your time soon. Best wishes to you with it.

*Tonia*, how are you doing? How was the appointment with the consultant? Sending truly massive hugs to you. I hope they manage to run out of work for Bron soon so she can come home to you.

Sending tons of positive wishes to everyone else too.

Gina. x


----------



## MG

Paula- great news with all 12 fertilising! What a great start for you. 

Mable- good luck for tomorrow!   What a nightmare downregging experience you have been having. It is a good sign that you have had no sign of your AF yet as with me I always came on before testing as do most people who get a bfn with IVF! I too find having ttc and pregnancy news separate beneficial as it means people sharing the ups and downs of their pregnancy can do so without worrying about how the ttc people feel and people ttc at low points don't have to read what they are so desperate to be a part of. I do think the ttc through clinic and known donor could be joined though! Whether IUI or IVF is the route for you is so individual. I hate the over medicalisation of it all and the one glove fits all mentality you sometimes find. My problem appears to be implantation so I'm happy to go back to IUI now I have something to work with!

Duff- good luck on your new journey with a known donor. Best wishes with it all! 

Gina- Wow look at you! Last time I was on here you were still suffering the ttc nightmare and now you're almost near meeting your baby! Looking at your bump I'd say it was a boy! Great to see a long time ttc'er get there! I'm hoping my time is soon too!

Tonia- Where are you? How's it going? 

As for me. I'm not feeling anything at all twinges wise which is a little concerning as I have always felt the effects of the drugs before. Plus no sign of fertile mucus (no holding back here!) so it is making me a little nervy. Last time I have been at this point my follicles were ready for trigger, so from yesterday hoping I'd have two follicles I'm now hoping I have one! 

Melissa


----------



## Mable

I don't think I'm pregnant. Have bad cramps and what looks like the start of my period. It will be a minor miracle if this is all an illusion.

Feeling gutted.


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

for you Mable 
l x


----------



## Damelottie

Everything crossed for you Mable
xxxx


----------



## Mable

Thanks for all your crossing, but I'm not pregnant.  

Good luck Paula


----------



## MG

Mable- So sorry to hear that hun.    After all you have been through to get to the 2ww. Really spoil yourself today. 

Melissa xx


----------



## rosypie

Mable, thinking of you here. We're so sorry it didn't work out this time, after everything else.


----------



## PaulaB

Mabel- I am so sorry to hear this news. My thoughts are with you both. Take carexxxxP


----------



## MG

Hi folks,

I had my scan today. I have one follicle at 20mm and another at 11mm (11mm is a bit small for this stage so I have one follicle ready). Thankfully I can go ahead as I was worried that I couldn't feel much going on. I trigger tomorrow and IUI on Monday. Here we go again! I'm hoping I get a good nurse as it makes all the difference between a painful IUI and an okay one! Anyone else notice this?!

Mable-  

Paula- It looks like we may be 2ww buddies! 

Some body wish me luck    especially that that second follicle will have a big growth spurt to match the first!

Melissa xx


----------



## PaulaB

MG good luck. hope all goes well for monday and i will cheack in to see your news.P x


----------



## starrysky

we're sorry it hasn't worked Mable  

H,J and A


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Mable  so sorry to hear it didn't work this time, after all you went through can empathise the devastation you're probably feeling right now.
L x


----------



## lucky2010

So sorry Mable, big hugs x


----------



## Tonia2

Oh *Mable*... life is so cruel. I'm so so sorry. It's really not fair. You must be devastated. Please look after yourself... I'm so sad and annoyed on your behalf right now... 
*
Paula * - 12 fertilised! That's amazing! How have they gone in the last day or so? ... are you in for EC in the next couple of days?   

*Melissa * - how lovely to see you back here! Sorry - I've been a bit AWOL this week. Will pull my finger out...( and add you to the list) Good luck for your IUI on Monday!! I haven't had any trouble with painful IUI's at all, luckily. The nurses don't do them at my clinic, only the consultants. Not sure if that's good or not... I'm sure nurses are very capable!!  ( I have to say that as I am one!) I guess they have to do lots though to get good at it. I hope you have a good one on the day! And    to _both _ follies!! 

*Heather*- I finally posted your parcel yesterday!!  Sorry I've been so slack. I've just read your birth story yesterday and you've had me in tears. I'd had no idea it was so much drama for you all!! Thank you for writing it all out for us. It must have been difficult, in a way, to relive it all. I hope you're feeling more resolved about it all now, I'm sure Adam himself helps in the healing from such a traumatic experience.  to you both. Where are you up to? Last I heard you were going to have IVF planning appointments - do you have a plan yet?

*Gina* -  Howdy! Do you realise it was a year ago about now you were visiting me here So much has changed since then...  and  ..sigh
Bron's still in Alice Springs, coming home next Friday night so I'm counting down the sleeps. She's been keen to know how you're doing. I can't believe you're so close to meeting your little one. I still think it's a girl.  When is your actual due date? I'm predicting 21st of October (because that's my birthday  ) and 8lb 3. I think she'll come earlier though, actually. I better get a parcel ready to send ASAP.... 

I had my appt with the consultant on Thursday afternoon. I said to him I was sad I couldn't do another FET this month because he was on annual leave (as of yesterday), and I would probably be due for FET this coming Monday. He said that he _was_ actually around on Monday - organising a big IVF conference in Hobart- and that he could probably pop up to the hospital to do a FET on Monday if I wanted. So he did a scan and found that I had already ovulated,  so then we were thinking FET this Saturday (ie today),  but then- the culture medium for the embryos needs about 48 hrs to prepare, and they hadn't prepared any as they had no one else coming in on Sat- SO after all that excitement, there's nothing happening.  Oh well. So now I'm a bit annoyed that I didn't push to have a scan just in case I did ovulated early and we could have fitted it in. Because we COULD have, if we'd planned it! Bah!  My usually perfectly predictable cycle is becoming less predictable with all the messing around we've been doing. My last AF only lasted 2.5 days, much to my surprise, I'm usually a 6 day-er!

Anyway, I think he's feeling sorry for me and has given my some Synarel to start my fourth IVF cycle in 2 weeks when my AF comes. I still have 3 frosties, and you're not supposed to 'bank' them (ie I should use them up ) but he consented to another fresh cycle instead of a FET. So I'll do another short protocol flare cycle like last time that got me my maximum number of eggs. I prefer that as it's only 2 weeks of drugs rather than 6 weeks. Yay!  Bron's nervous though - I was more of a basketcase on the higher doses that last time, so she's not so keen on us repeating that.... I'm figuring_ *I * _ can live through anything if it's only 2 weeks... At least she'll be back here by then. Poor love.

Aren't there so many of us on the list! I was quite impressed when I saw how many there were. And I hadn't realised how top heavy we were in having boys too!! Maybe the next round can help redress the balance... 

Love to you all, and esp Mable right now    
Tonia


----------



## MG

Paula- Thanks hun. I shall be checking in on you too! What day is your ET planned for? I'm sending you lots of luck and cheering those embies on!    

Tonia- There you are!  Thanks for the   and adding me to your great list! If all my IUIs/ETs were as painful as each other obviously I'd know it was more about me, but my last nurse was a bit rough and she took ages!  Your consultant sounds really lovely and so helpful and letting you go straight into a fresh IVF without using your frosties is great news!  

Melissa xx


----------



## Alison0702

Mable I am so sorry hunny. After all the time it took to get to EC, this must be a complete blow for you. Thinking of you  

Melissa Well hello you, lovely to see you posting again   Missed you! Fingers crossed for your IUI this month. Nice big follie on your scan though eh!  

Hi to everyone else


----------



## magsandemma

Hi

Just a quick post, Mable so sory to hear your news, look after yourself, sending you some   .

Maggie
xx


----------



## PaulaB

Hi everyone, I just wanted to do a quick update. I had a three day transfer today with two grade 1 7 cell embies. The other 10 are all still alive and will be left to see if any make it to blasties on monday. Feeling very bloated. A women at a kids party after the transfer asked me if i was due this week! I actually am hugely bloated and still very uncomfortable. So the two week wait begins.P xxxx


----------



## Tonia2

Good luck to Paula's embies!!    Well done *Paula*. Fingers crossed... Hopefully you get some nice blasties too! Sorry to hear you're so bloated! Did you feel like saying something very rude to that person that asked you when you were due?  I would have wanted to!!  for the next 14 days. What do you have planned for this 2ww? Are you working? resting? or have you got some inspiring attention-grabbing project in store??  Good luck hun.

*Melissa* - good luck for Monday! I hope it all goes according to plan   

...we should start a 2ww list: (god, I'm so into lists right now!  ) I'm not obsessive compulsive, ....honestly... (you should see my house! It's a mess!)

*Paula:* EC on 8th September. Testing ~22nd September
*Melissa*: IUI on 10th Septemer. Testing ~24th September ( I know that's premature because you haven't even had it yet but, hey...  )
*GG*: (from the intro thread) IUI. Testing today!!  

where exactly are Pem & Nicky & Duff up to? I'll go and check...

*Pem*: DI on 28th August. Testing ~11th September 
*Duff*: DI on 5th September. Testing ~19th September

There, that's better. Now I can see what we're all up to.

Love, slightly obsessive Tonia
x

PS. *Mable:*


----------



## PaulaB

Tonia 2 You are so funny. Thanks for good wishes. I plan to try to rest although with a four year old its just impossible. I would like to just try to keep sane and not to obsessive. Of course i will actually be spending hours on here asking everyone and reading everything on symptoms feelings and any indicators of whats going on in there. I am not working though which is good a i will get a couple of hours when dd is at nursery. 
Good luck to all about to test or waiting like me. P xxx


----------



## gg8-4

I will be going in for my blood test tomorrow to see if this IUI worked.  I don't know what to think.    I am having the same symptoms I have every month.  If this does not work... I am going to change doctors.  My doctor is okay, but she does not tell me everything about my options.  I am paying out of pocket, so she does not want to tell me about the more expensive options.  I have to ASK about my options so then my wife and I may make our OWN decisions.  Also, I am not to fond of my nurse.  She has ordered the wrong dosage of my perscription, forgotten to add info to my files,  forgets that I am paying out of pocket..... I could go on.  She is incompetant.  I had another nurse, who was wonderful, but she took another position in the clinic.  If I get a BFN I will not be in the mood to change doctors, but I think it is important.  I do not want my wife to see me upset any more.  She would like to pull the nurse through the phone because I get stressed out.    I will keep you all posted.  Thanks again for the support.  It is so hard to find fertility support in the GLBT community. This is great.


----------



## Tonia2

Hi GG - so you don't have your period yet? Maybe it's a good sign! I hope so... 
I'm sorry you've had souch trouble with your nurse & in finding out all the options....   How annoying. I hope you get a bfp so you don't have to worry about changing doctors!   Good luck Hun   let us know how you go.  

Love Tonia
x


----------



## MG

Hi everyone,

Tonia- now I can see who I'm 2ww with! I hadn't even thought about my test date! 

Alison- Wonderful to see everything is going well for you. Catching up with news I see you are expecting twin boys! Congrats   

Paula- Sounds like you had two excellent embies put back!     That women at the kids party sounds like a right moo!

GG-   Fingers crossed for you! It sounds like you are not getting much support from your clinic. As much of a pain as changing clinics can be sometimes it is worth it to feel more supported. The tx is hard enough! But hopefully you get a bfp and you won't have to worry about that!


I had my IUI today. Apparently I have a cervical erosion which is sometimes caused by 'hormones' but has no definite cause. Which means the entrance to my womb (the cervix) is inflamed and bleeds easily so my IUI wasn't exactly painfree and I bled quite a bit as well. The nurse assures me that it won't affect my chances but I feel a little tender right now!  Thankfully it is over and done with and hopefully I get a bfp and it'll all be worth it! 

Melissa xx


----------



## mintyfaglady

Hi all (again)!

Sorry for dropping that "should I stay or should I go" question and then running, but we just moved house last week and we're only just back online! Thanks for reassuring me that I'm welcome to post here. I'm still catching up with the postings I've missed. A week is a long time in the virtual world.

Mable, you were asking where abouts I was on this rollercoaster ride. Well, my partner and I started considering trying for a baby about 3 years ago. We finally found a known donor we were happy with and spent over a year of trying at home with fresh sperm doing IVIs (though this actually only amounted to 8 tries - he wasn't very reliable). In the end, the frustration got the better of us (and he moved further away) so we switched to a clinic. 

Hormones all appear to be within normal ranges and I show a clear ovulation pattern each month, though my luteal phase is on the short side at 10-11 days. The clinic have suggested we do 3 unmedicated IUIs before a laparoscopy and the possibility of medication to help things along.

Annoyingly though, we're not having much luck so far. They only open 6 days a week (closed Sundays) and the first month we were due for treatment, I picked up my LH surge on a Saturday morning. They had us in for an insem at 11am on Monday, but I was an angry mess by then, convinced it was a complete waste of time and that we'd missed the boat. Over fifty hours after a surge? It just seemed crazy and even though we went through with it, we had a BFN and agreed that in future we'd save our money for better timed insems.

The second attempt was well timed, but didn't result in a pregnancy, and we're now sitting out what would have been our third month there due to ANOTHER Saturday ovulation. The clinic weren't very happy about us cancelling, but they didn't really have much to say when I pointed out that it clearly wasn't considered optimal timing, given that they didn't wait that long on any other day of the week. As of next month they'll be charging a cancellation fee, so let's hope it doesn't happen again!

So, that's where I'm at. Almost 2 years at this, with probably half that time wasted by not actually being able to try for one reason or another. It's making us both a little crazy, so I hope it happens for us soon.
minty


----------



## blueytoo

Just got back from holiday girls so just popping on really quickly to give these to Mable -     so sorry to hear your news hun, life is just so cruel  

I'm still on the damn pill but starting down reg on Monday - deep joy!

Love to all

Claire xx


----------



## Tonia2

*Claire * - yay! You start on Monday! I start in about two weeks - we can compare symptoms... are you doing a 6 week cycle or a short protocol cycle?

*Minty * - so glad to hear from you! I can empathise - our clinic doesn't open on Sundays either and I'm sure that once or twice my IUI's weren't timed the best because of that. Good on you for standing up and refusing to do the cycle. I've actually found the IVF cycles better in that regard as the timing is set much more firmly, unlike the uncertainty surrounding all the planning for the IUI. 
The waiting for it to work thing is so hard. I never dreamed once, before we started, that it would be this difficult. There's not much I can say to reassure you, except to have a look at the pregnant ladies list! There's heaps there, so the chances are good that it will happen for you one day. I did 3 medicated IUI's then medicated ones, before moving to IVF, s the pattern your clinic have got you doing sounds fairly standard. Good luck Hun...

*Melissa * - I've never heard of cervical erosion before! Ouch, sounds nasty. The things we have to go through... Does it resolve, or is it an ongoing, forever type thing? Im sorry your IUI's are so painful - it's not fair, is it, with everything else we have to keep doing.... 
Good luck for the 2ww! 

*GG -* any news from the blood tests?? Are you ok??

*Mable -* how are you faring, hun? I've been thinking of you throughout the day today. Hang in there... 

*Paula-* How are you going with the OHSS... hope you're ok. 

No news here. Counting the sleeps til Bron gets home and enjoying being a fulltime mum to the ferals (ie puppies). I did have my bloods done this morning and she took 9 vials. NINE! I felt like I'd given a pint....

Love Tonia


----------



## pem

Mable - So so sorry hun  

Tonia - good news that you are moving forward again..good luck for this cycle    , will be keeping fingers crossed for you!!

Love and     to everyone

Emma


----------



## gg8-4

Hi All!

Thank you all so much for your support.  I really appreciate it.  I did get a BFP yesterday!    HOWEVER, I was told to stay positive, but my pregancy number is low.  What is a pregnancy number.  I asked but the stupid nurse does not explain anything.  She said that they like to see the number between 50 - 100 and mine is 68.3 ... a little on the low side.  I am excited, but I know that I have to be prepared.  Does anyone know what the number is?  So I will be going back on Thursday for another blood test to see if my numbers are rising.  If they are high enough I will go for a pre-natal visit and have an ultrasound in a few weeks.  If my numbers are not so good, I will go back for more blood work or start again.  I can't wait for Thursday.  

Thanks again for all of your support.  I am kind of freaking out.  I do not know what to think.
GG


----------



## lucky2010

GG, 

I think by 'numbers' they must be referring to HCG levels, I know thay do bloods to check they are rising in some pregnancies. I'm afraid I don't know what the figures should be though. Huge congrats all the same.... see you on the preg board soon.

Rach x


----------



## LouisandPhoebe

Hello everyone

I was just wondering if anyone had carried an embryo created from their partners egg and donor sperm.  My partner has 3 embies in the freezer and i am hoping to try and carry one but our clinic does not allow this but will transfer them to another clinic.  Any advice or first hand expereince would be fab

Lots of love Charlie, Lee, Louis and pickle
xxxx/


----------



## starrysky

Louismummy - just a thought but maybe the ACU at Kings in London? I don't know why I think they might but it rings a bell? Its like surrogacy with a known donor. Would hfea guide give any idea?

GG - sorry don't know the numbers but I am sending you lots of       . Have you tried asking on other areas of the FF webisite eg. ask a nurse?  GOOD LUCK. 

H


----------



## pem

gg8- It is hcg levels and from this site http://www.justmommies.com/articles/hcg-levels.shtml, yours appear to be fine to me, hope all goes well today, see you on the pregnancy board!!!

Louismummy - Care in Manchester were perfectly happy for me to carry on embryo formed from my partners egg and donor sperm, we didn't end up going ahead with the IVF but they were happy to go ahead with it. You can donate embryos as you can eggs or sperm , so i can't see why there is a problem. It would be worth loooking on the HFEA website at their clinic list to see who would do it for you. Good luck


----------



## TerriWW

Hi everyone. 

I've got a question that's a bit off topic really so I'm sure someone will move it - thought where too I'm not sure ... anyway..

For those of you out there who are planning for both yourself and your partner to carry a child each (or more), what are you doing about surnames.

I gave birth to our 2 year old Angus and we gave him julia's surname as his middle name - and this seemed like a good idea. But we plan for julia to have our second child (fingers crossed) and at first we were going to give this second child my surname as it's middle name - and that seemed fine but then I thought it will just cause unnecessary questioning and hassle for them. They are going to be brother and brother/sister and when they get to school they are going to keep getting asked about their different names etc. So, we thought that perhaps at school they could 'go under' a surname which is a mine and julia's names double barrelled together. Though of course this would not be the real surname of either of them! (Part would be). Or we thought we could change angus' birth certificate and have them both have the double barrelled surname.

I appreciate that these sorts of problems perhaps aren't top of everyone's list on this board - but just a little light hearted thought. If anyone knows of any rules about what names you can go by or knows if the above options are possible - or has any info or opinions that would be great.

Thanks

Terri


----------



## pem

TerriWW, me and DP are having major conversations about this, we had a CP last year but neither of us chnaged our name. For us it is really important that we all have the same name, so our choices are for either rus to take the others name, easy to do as we have had a CP or to change both our names to double barrelled by deed poll or invent a completely new surname by deed poll. It is proving to be a bit difficult, neither of us will take the others name, double barelled sounds slightly long with our surnames and i don't really want to lose my name altogether so a new name is out of the question too. You could all have the same double barrelled surname, you don't need to have had a CP to do that, you do it on the web for a small fee, maybe that would be a good idea for you all, i think that is what we will end up doing. just wish our names were more suited and my name didn;t sound so damn 'posh' when it si double barrelled!!  

Hope you can decide!

Emma


----------



## TerriWW

Thanks for the reply emma

Part of what you're thinking applies to us. Neither me or julia want to change our own names - too much hassle as much as anything else! But we want the kids to have the same name as each other. So I suppose double barrelling our name is the best answer. Our names acutally sound ok together but a bit long winded for writing and also I'm not keep on double barrelled names. Also, it would mean changing Angus's name which I don't really want to do - but I guess there is no alternative - unless ju was happy for the second baby to have my surname - but that somehow doesn't seem right either   Can't sort my head out on this on!


----------



## rosypie

We wrangled over the name thing for ages. It was a real pain. Neither of us wanted to take the others name, we don't particularly like double-barrelling and inventing a new name would mean losing both our family names. Apart from anything else, changing names is a hassle, and one we'd have preferred to avoid completely. In the end, the thing that was most important to us was that we all had the same name and in the absence of any better solution, we double-barrelled Jude when he was born. And now, just recently we have finally got around to double-barrelling ourselves. Neat and tidy. It depends on the individual situation of course, but for ours, it's just easier to have as many outwardly signs that we are a family unit as possible. In a small town it just makes it easier for people to relate to. And it means that whoever is with Jude at the time is always assumed to be his mother.

I'm sure Eve will have something to say about name changing. We're CP'd but we didn't use that - it was easier instead to do a statutory declaration (but then, she's a solicitor so everything always seems straightforward). However, actually getting used to using a new name is a difficult kettle of fish altogether. I signed my name the other day and spelt it wrong. Eek!


----------



## LouisandPhoebe

Hi Terri

We double barrelled Louis last name ( we were lucky that it sounded fine)and of course Phoebes is too.  Next year we are having our CP and the children christened ( all in one day) and then ours will be offically double-barrelled.  I may still just use mine for the children at school though as its abit of a mouthful for 25 five year olds during register time!!!.  We feel that it makes everything equal and simple all round. Lee's dad was pleased too as he only has two girls and so does his brother it keeps the family name going.

Thank you for the advice on clinics we will contact the HFEA

XXX


----------



## evelet

am sure NatGamble will correct me if I'm wrong (I'm a property lawyer these days and am a bit out touch on the private client side of things) but if you CP then you can pick one name and change one of your names. If you want to double barrel you have to either do a deed poll ( i have no idea how you do one) or get a statutory declaration drawn up (any solicitor will do one, my firm does them for £50 by post if anyone doesn't fancy going to  a local solicitor and I think Nat does them too). Then you just get a few certified copies of the stat dec and take them/send them off to the various places.

Our names sound pretty posh together. Everyone thinks I'm posh enough up here so the name doesn't make any difference to me. I was going to continue to use my 'maiden' name for work and just use my new name outside work but in the end I went for it. I get the odd comment about "ooh you are a bit posh aren't you" but as Ros has pointed out to me that's prob just my BBC English accent more than anything else 

Double barrelled names are becoming more and more common so I don't think anyone should shy away from them. My straight sister has double barrelled her kids surnames  and so have lots of her friends. I quite fancied the idea of picking a brand new name but then what do you pick?? 

@TerriWW - you can change angus's name by statutory declaration. You will just need to keep the document with his birth certificate. Then you can get passport for him in his new name.


----------



## gg8-4

Thank you all again for the support.  I think I am in shock.  The nurse told me that my levels should have been up double and a half over three days.  Unfortunately, they went from 68.5 - 85.2.  So, the nurse told me that I may miscarry.  If not, I will go for more bloodwork next Thursday to see if the pregnancy is ectopic.


----------



## rosypie

@louismummy - we were at CARE in Nottingham and when we were going through the paperwork prior to IVF they said that if I had embryos left over to freeze they could only be used by me since I wasn't registered as a donor. It's not something we've ever considered so that part of the discussion didn't have my 100% attention but I think they were saying something like I had to be registered as a donor prior to embryo creation... and there might have been some limiting factor to do with it being anonymous donor sperm too...can't remember exactly...

But, like someone else has said, best starting point would be the HFEA as they'll know exactly what's allowed and where you can go for the procedure.


----------



## lucky2010

*Re.Names*:

Julie and I have had many discussions about what to do about our sons name. I am inclined to double-barrel but Julie HATES d-b names. We have decided to keep our own surnames since our CP and are happy with that. I think at the moment the boy is going to have my surname with Julies as a middle name, however I would rather give him a d-b surname and then both our surnames figure in his without Julies being 'hidden' as a middle name. Julie is also worried that it will be difficult for him at school with a long surname.... I don;t think this will be the case. We shall see!!!! I will update you on the decision once he's born!

Rach x


----------



## LouisandPhoebe

Thank you for all your replies to our questions.  The HFEA have said there is no problem with us using eachothers embies and will send us a list of clinics that are happy to do this.  Our clinic has offered me short protocol IVF this months as our sperm runs out in November and then the option to freeze the embies so we will probably do this too.  Thank you again for all your replies

Sincerely
the B-P's
xxxx


----------



## rosypie

@ RachJulie - I am so glad we all went d-b in the end. As for trouble at school - there a millions of things that might cause trouble at school. I suspect d-b names will be the absolute least of our probs (esp. with all the d-b names being used by unmarried str8 parents these days).

look forward to hearing what you decide in the end!


----------



## Mable

Very sorry to hear your news GG. Sound awful. Hope it's not ectopic. Thinking of you.
    to Paula
Mable


----------



## PaulaB

GG- Hope things work out for you. P X 
Mable- Thanks. Holding on but finding wait unbearable. Its day 11 and the ohss is still here in that i am still bloated but otherwise theres no pain or anything. Hoped it woul get worse yesterday or today as desperate for a positive sign, but its just the same as it was so i am bit downheartened. Just have to keep going. Hope you are ok. P xxx


----------



## Mable

Oh Paula, I was exactly the same, looking for late OHSS signs. Day 11 onwards was the absolute worst, as the end was in sight. 
Keeping everything crossed for you. Hang in there, are you able to get out a bit more now?
Thinking of you this week      
Mable


----------



## nickidee

Hello all,
Its a relief to find a board with an active LGB section, so I wondered if I can join you?
My partner and I have been together for 5 years and started tcc in May. We have had 3 unmedicated IUI cycles - all of which were unsuccessful - and are in the midst of that awful 2ww in our first (and hopefully last) go at IVF. I am at the London Womens Clinic and have to say that I have found them to be excellent and to be very gay friendly - I was quite anxious that my partner as non-birth mum should be given her rightful place as my partner and our baby's co-parent and they definitely do that. 
They collected 13 eggs of which 9 fertilised and I had 2 perfect grade 1 embryos put back in last Thursday. Unfortunately none of the rest were of a good enough quality to freeze but it only takes one (although I am hoping that both of them bed in). I am due to test on 27 September (14 days post ET). 
The thing is, I am finding this 2ww to be excrutiating - far worse than with the IUI cycles. I had last week off work and as I was told by the clinic to not walk for long distances or stand for longer than 10 minutes for the first 3-5 days after ET, have pretty much been chained to the house and am slowly going insane.
I have decided to test on 25 September as I know that a lot of clinics tell people to test 14 days post EC and I figure by then the HCG from the trigger injection should have gone. I have been mildly symptom spotting - my tits are really tender and sensitive but I reckon that's related to the trigger injection still and I had mild cramps yesterday which I am hoping are implantation cramps and not side effects from the cyclogest  
I have a history of spotting from about 5-7 days before my period is due so I've been having acupuncture to try and sort that out - I am willing to try anything to maximise our chances.
Anyways - I guess I wondered if anyone else is at a similar stage or can give me some words of advice as to how to speed up time and make it be next week already  
Cheers,
Nicki


----------



## pem

gg8 - How horrible for you, hope things work out as well as they possibly can do.. 

Nickidee- Welcome, I'm sure the girls on here will be a brilliant source of support for you..the 2ww is murder isn't it?? Bring on next week for you and a BFP!!

Mable - Thinking of you, stupid question, but how are you feeling?? sending you   

Paula -                   

Louisand PhoebesMummy!! - I'm glad the HFEA have been so helpful, good luck with the IVF this month    

On the names thingy..think we will probably go d-b, its seems the only way forward for us all to have the same name and keep our own names, isn't it interesting how we are all so precious over our names!! I know I am!!

Good luck all you girls, Tonia, Minty, MG, Feistyblue,  will be sending lots of       your way !!

Emma


----------



## MG

gg8-   what an awful few days you must be having. Thinking of you.  

Paula- sounds good that you are still bloated (OHSS wise). In both my ICSIs I knew about 4 or 5 days prior to testing that it hadn't worked. The 2ww always gets more difficult post day 10/11 as you know D-day is approaching!  

Emma- I see you got a BFP. Many congratulations!   How are you feeling?

Mable- What's going on with you? Have you started to think about what next, or is it too soon?

Nicki- Welcome! I'm testing the day before you! Lots of  . I had my 2 ICSIs at LWC and I was never told not to do the things they told you post ET? Is that a new thing? Quite interesting though. I'm afraid I always found the 2ww much harder on an ICSI. There's something about how much more 'serious' IVF is in comparison to IUI which makes facing a bfn a more scary prospect. I'm currently in an IUI 2ww wait now and although it is difficult, my IVF 2ww, especially the second week was horrendous! I don't think you need to chain yourself to the house for the whole 2ww though! 


My first week post IUI has gone by. I have been so busy with work and other stuff I have hardly had time to consider being on a 2ww. In fact sometimes I have quite forgotten . As my IUI didn't go so well it did make me think that the likelihood of this cycle being successful is quite slim so I'm not as hopeful as my last IUI cycle. Not feeling much either. Obviously I will still be really disappointed if I get another bfn. But it is nice not to feel like everything in my life is wrapped up in this 2ww! Although I went to a party the other night which was full of pregnant women and babies...great fun  . Nothing like that to remind you of how easy it is for some and how they never get to experience or understand this nightmare (obviously I'm presuming it was easy for them) .

Melissa xx


----------



## sardonic sunflower

Paula and GG8, hope you are both ok and hanging in there 

Melissa  . Good luck for your 2ww!

I've only just picked up the last few messages of this thread... so I hope everyone else is well.

Nicki, welcome to the IVF 2ww!  I was also at LWC (Cardiff & London) and found them to be excellent throughout the whole process. We found a suitable donor within weeks of having completed all the tests. At ET the consultant told us that current success rates were at 60%, half of which were twins.  That's certainly a statistic to put some confidence in.  I had 2 grade 1 transfers and was told to take it easy that day and the next and no heavy lifting or exercise and to avoid stress. I just chilled but certainly wasn't under house arrest and was out and about a fair bit.

For me the main thing was (trying) to stay positive throughout 2ww.  It does get harder as test day looms but I just visualised a positive throughout and was prepared for the alternative consequences.  I was lucky to be off work and found it very easy to potter.  Try a few brazil nuts a day and/or fresh organic pineapple juice.  The selenium is supposed to help with implantation. The cyclogest is a necessary evil and will give you cramps/sore boobs/wind....symptom analysis will drive you crazy so don't do it ! 

I tested 1 day early and again on test day.  LWC will usually scan you at week 7.  It was amazing when the sister showed us the first sac and heart beat and I'll never forget the words, "and if we look over here......there is another little heartbeat.....".  

Sounds like you are doing everything you can to maximise chances so take it easy and good luck!


----------



## nickidee

Thanks for your replies!
Today I am officially releasing myself from house arrest and am going to take the dog for a walk. I am back at work tomorrow and am sure that will be a distraction and i will just try to avoid doing anything too strenuous - not that sitting behind the computer and going to the odd meeting counts as strenuous activity . 
I'm not sure if the advice I got from LWC about taking it easy is new. I know my acupuncturist said that it was controversial and that a lot of clinics advise you to move around following ET (within reason). That said, I haven't been having bed rest. I've been obsessively logging into chatrooms and trying not to waste too many brain cells watching crap on TV  
Sunflower - I also heard the great stats from LWC. Its one of the reasons that me and the mrs opted for IVF. Thanks for the advice about selenium for implantation. I have been trying to force down pineapple juice which is a bit sickly sweet for me but hey ho - it aint gonna kill me!
On top of that, I've been using the natal hypnotherapy IVF companion CD which is a good relaxation/visualisation tool. I don't know if anyone else here has used it, but I was a bit disappointed to get to the long awaited Post Implantation bit and find there wasn't something markedly different from the Pre-Implantation section. I think I must have been expecting a fan fare or something.
It seems a few of us are on the 2ww at the mo so good luck to all  .
Nicki


----------



## pipgirl

Hello Ladies,

Tonia2 contacted me recently about posting here..

Am in 2ww at the moment (Me and DP) and experiencing quite a bit of bloating and cramp/backache like AF  since iui on friday. Day 4 and still same..is this a bad thing? Due to the proceedure?
Associated (need loo all time/headache) am worried about poss infection?

Anybody had similar?  

11 days till testing and counting vvvv slowly.

Pip


----------



## starrysky

Hi Pip

Welcome!!!

Yes, I had backache and cramping during my 2WW and I had a BFP, was also very bloated. I felt like AF was coming any minute, but thankfully it didnt on that occasion! 

If you are worried about anything you could call your clinic for advice. I also did have a UTI during the 2WW which wa streated in the very early days of my pregnancy. 

GOOD LUCK, and may the next elevn days pass swiftly!

H


----------



## PaulaB

Hi Everyone_ Just wanted to let you know i got a BFN this morning with the arrival of AF. So sad. Thanks to everyone who supported me through this tx cycle. P xx


----------



## magsandemma

Morning all

Paula  -  Sorry to hear your news, sending you some    , look after yourselves.

Just wanted to say hi and welcome to pip and nicki, good luck with both your 2ww      .

Maggie
xx


----------



## Mable

Paula, so sad too. Very very sorry.


----------



## pem

Paula, I am so so sorry


----------



## Damelottie

Ah - sorry Paula


----------



## Edith

Paula,

so sorry to hear your news. you have been through so much- its just not fair. Hope your little one can give you a much needed hug.XX 

Edith


----------



## snagglepat

*Paula*, really sorry to hear your news. I'm sending many virtual hugs to you from here.

Gina. x


----------



## PaulaB

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all your thoughts. P x


----------



## MG

Paula- So sorry to hear you got a bfn.    It just makes me so angry sometimes at the unfairness of it all.  

Pip- Welcome! Day 4 post IUI could be quite early to experience preg symptoms. You should probably contact your clinic in case it is an infection. 

Melissa xx


----------



## pipgirl

Thanks MG, I might do that..

Ive stopped being so bloated now and just have  a dull ache in lower back and a few 'twinges' in abdomen...not what id describe as painful, just similar to AF..no wierd dcharge or anything..

Its weds now (5 dpiui) and id be surprised if the catheter could irritate it so much..am a bit worrried about poss infection. Dosnt seem to be all the time, but more noticeable in the evenings and first thing in morning?

Cheers for the reply -  good wishes to all.

Pip


----------



## nickidee

Hello All,

Well, the days are continuing to drag but seem to be ever slower.

I had a tiny spot of blood (and I mean the tiniest of tiny spots) yesterday lunchtime and have just noticed an even smaller bit of blood today. After each of these 'sightings' I have used another cyclogest as this was what was recommended by our clinic, but its left me feeling a bit anxious. 

I have a history of spotting throughout the day and every day from about 7 days before my period starts, so this spotting is very different to my usual cycles. 

I know it could be implantation bleeding and I have also been having the odd cramps which I don't normally get during my menstrual cycle, so it could all be a good sign - but still - you don't want to see any blood, do you  ?

Nicki x


----------



## lucky2010

fingers crossed this is implantation bleeding and a good sign.  

Rach xxxxx


----------



## nickidee

Thanks Rach!
Well - I just did exactly what I would advise anyone else not to do and did an early HPT... and got a    
The only thing is, I am not convinced of its accuracy because I did what I shouldn't have done and tested early - God - we are fools to ourselves, aren't we  
So, I'm going to do another test on Monday (14 days post EC) and a final test on our clinic's official test day, which is Thursday (14 days post ET), and then I will allow myself to believe it, but in the meantime I am secretly going 'woohoo!'


----------



## nickidee

Oh s*#t!

There I was just allowing myself to hope against hope that I might actually be pregnant this time after a faint line on a HPT this morning, but I've gone to the loo and had some red blood on wiping. This is coupled with a dull period type ache.

Can anyone give me some advice as I have gone from being on cloud 9 to feeling devastated.

Nicki


----------



## LouisandPhoebe

Hiyaing

I really hope its good news for you but if i calculated right that 8 days past ET and i think that the trigger injection is still in your system but on the other hand Lee tested 9 days past ET and had a faint positive but no bleading.  Keep thinking postive thoughts.  Lots of love x


----------



## Mable

Hi Nicki,
Don't know how many days post trigger injection you are? We were told that the HCG lasts for 10 days in the system and that you can get a fairly reliable result 12 days after ET. Cramps and bleeding aren't necessarily bad signs. Think you might have to test again tomorrow morning and take it from there. Feeling for you - it's horrible testing early and not getting a reliable result.


----------



## nickidee

Thanks for your words of support.

I am now 15 days post trigger injection, so there's really no way that it could still be in my system - particularly as I drink a minimum of 3-4 litres of water a day which should have helped flush my system.

I tested again today, and had another BFP but this time a bit darker than yesterday. I haven't had any more blood on wiping today so perhaps it was implantation bleeding, but because I have a history of spotting before my period, the first sight of blood make me think the worst and that my period is on the way. Added to that the fact that my cycle is all over the place because of the drugs, I haven't known what to think.

I am going to take it easy again today and rest up although I think I will pop out to buy some more tests, because I want to be able to test every day until OTD on Thursday. Will keep you posted...

Thanks again.

Nicki x


----------



## nickster

Oooh - that's sounding very promising Nicki. Keeping my fingers crossed for you... x


----------



## Alison0702

Nicki

Keeping my fingers crossed for you         I used a variety of HPT's but found clearblue digital to be the best. 

Alison


----------



## MG

Just a quickie.

Did a hpt this morning after days of af pains and knicker checking and got a bfn. There is the tiniest of nonexistant line in the test area but it really is only seen on close inspection (I did wonder if it was wishful thinking   but it is definitely there). Well anyway I'm spotting now so don't hold out much hope. It is my test day today so day 14 so it should be noticeable if it was a positive.   

Melissa


----------



## nickidee

Hi Melissa,

I was always told that a line was a line, however faint. Provided the line came up within 10 minutes, it is a BFP. We all produce hCG at different levels and different tests are nore sensitive than others so will give you a stronger or lighter line.

I had a BFP on Sat, Sun and today and have spotted on Sat and again today. I'm full of it cos I've been feeling really low and there's a part of me that thinks with yet more spotting today that its game over, but my advice to you would be don't give up because of a faint line and don't give up because of the spotting either. 

Our clinic advises us to to take another cyclogest daily at the first sign of bleeding. Are you able to do that?
I have also made an appointment with my GP later this morning, an appointment with my acupuncturist after that and I am going in to the clinic for a blood test on Friday (normally they just give you an HPT to take on OTD which is Thursday).

Fingers crossed for both of us.

Nicki x


----------



## pem

Melissa and Nicki - Heres hoping for good strong BFP's for you, I would definitely confirm with a clearblue digital though, no searching for lines. Melissa, i didn't get a positive till day 13 this time and it was a faint one and last time it was day 9..so it varies hugely! 

Emma


----------



## MG

Nicki- Thanks hun. I really do appreciate your reply. I do have some Cyclogest left over from a previous tx so I shall do as you say and test again maybe tomorrow or Wednesday. In the meantime if full AF arrives I shall know the answer anyway. I really hope your bfp sticks and I have my fingers crossed for you too . I have seen many people on the board get bfps and spot at the same time who go on to have healthy pregnancies and babies so it sounds promising for you.

Emma-   Thanks for your reassurance. I'll just have to wait and see!

Melissa xx


----------



## Mable

Good luck Melissa - its horrid to get a BFN, thinking of you. Hope it was a little line you saw there. Worth retesting in the morning?


----------



## blueytoo

*Melissa and Nicki *- you can go to your GP and get a quantative HcG. It is something I really recommend particularly when you have beeding/spotting and a BFP. Youll get a definitive answer then and it really helps with all the am I/aren't I stuff.
*
Paula* - so sorry to hear about your BFN hun

I'm off for baseline scan tomorrow and hoping that I can start stims tomorrow as this permanent down reg headache is making me want to kill people, any people, even innocent people in the street who smile at me!


----------



## Mable

Good luck Claire, with go number 8 - this has to be the one for you. Are you doing acupuncture? 

Melissa and Nicki - thinking of you both in these difficult early days and hope you get some clarity soon.


----------



## MG

Tested again this morning and got a bfn  . When comparing my test from yesterday there was a faint line there but not today so I don't know whether it was a chemical thing or not. Just another bfn to add to my collection!

Mable- Thank you for your well wishes. How are you doing now? 

Claire- How did your scan go? Are you all set for stims?    

Nicki-  

Melissa xx


----------



## lucky2010

Melissa, sorry to hear about your BFN.... big hugs x x


----------



## nickidee

I'm so sorry to hear that, Melissa. 
Take good care.
Nicki x


----------



## blueytoo

*Melissa *- definitely sounds like chemical pg to me hun - so sorry, they are just so cruel 
*
Mable* - no I've never done accupunture although at the Lister you get acu when you're under GA for your egg collection routinely. Acu doesn't convince me at all particularly not for a veteran like me. I don't see how it could help when my biggest issue is my body attacking and killing my embryos by the Natural Killer Cells.

Scan was fine today - I'm all ready to go but unfortunately my recipient isn't as she hasn't had a bleed. I've got all my stims + other drugs and they'll call me when she gets a bleed and then I can start injecting. I'm upset a little because I could really have done with halving my sniffs from today because the headaches are really starting to get to me but I'm not complaining really as all my other cycles have been textbook and never gone off the treatment plan. I just knew the recipient wouldn't be ready actually, don't know why I just did.

Claire xx


----------



## pem

Melissa - so sorry, it is so hard, take care of yourself x

Claire - Good luck with this cycle, hope the recipient is ready soon x

Emma


----------



## Mable

*Melissa* - so sorry to hear your news. Really gutting especially after seeing that line, which must have felt so hopeful. Hope you are ok? Are you having to bounce back really quickly and prepare for another cycle straightaway?

*Claire* - sorry to hear about the delay with your eggshare partner. I hadn't realised that this could hold you up, and really feel for you being on buserelin for longer than necessary. I was on buserelin injections for the best part of 5 months and, whilst I got used to feeling awful in the end, it's lovely to be back to my natural hormones (although I would obviously love to be under the influence of pregnancy ones). Hope you get going with the stims soon (I felt really ill on the FSH but I know lots of women feel much better once they start). Thanks for the killer cell test suggestion. Any idea where I could have that done without involving the clinic, who are sceptical about this?

Just writing the word buserelin there has taken me back to the awfulness of my last cycle. It was so long, and it taking quite some getting over. I still feel very stuck with the feelings of disappointment, exhaustion and powerlessness after such a long, failed cycle and am not ready to talk about any next attempt. It seems to be an automatic question that people ask when you've had a failed cycle, I suppose to move me and us all on to more hopeful things, but that leaves me still stuck with the grotty remains of the last cycle. And just the thought of going back into it all again fills me with horror, so I guess I'm not ready yet to even think about it. If this makes any sense - I know some people find it very therapeutic to plan the next attempt.

I am investigating acupuncture though.
Well, lots and lots of luck, endurance and fertility dances for all of us TTC at the moment,

*Paula* - big hugs, how are you?
*Tonia* - very best of luck starting your next cycle, are you downregging at the moment?
*Nicki * - good luck for your blood test - any news from you?

Mable


----------



## PaulaB

Hi everyone,
Havent posted much but have been keeping up with everyones news. Melissa i am so sorry hun.
Mable I am ok. Have had some very wobbly days and have done a lot of crying. I was taking dd to school yesterday and feeling ok until a friend told me she was pregnant. I just wanted to run away. I think its going to take a while to recover properly. At first i wanted to throw myself back into it all as soon as possible. But now i think that i should get fitter and healthier before trying again. Going to try to take vitamins and do some exercise to get body back to normal. Its late in the evening when dd is in bed that i really feel the sadness and loss of it all. Until i can say i am sure it will work and feel confident ive done all i can, i will just put tx on back burner. I hope you are taking time to repair too. Is Monty making his christmas list yet? Em is already so excited. Just want to enjoy her for a while and make christmas fun for all of us. Need some fun back in my life. You take care.xxx


----------



## nickidee

Hi All

*Paula* - its seems sensible to take time to grieve. It all really takes its toll emotionally and physically and sometimes, when we simply plow on, we don't allow sufficient time to process those feelings.

*Mable * - thanks for asking after me. I've had no spotting since first thing Monday and have had a positive test every morning (I've become a test-a-holic!) so am feeling a lot more hopeful. OTD is tomorrow and, as you know, I will have my blood test done at the clinic on Friday just to check that the hCG levels are as you would expect.
I went to my GP on Mon and she was a bit crap really. She was looking at me blankly when I explained about the spotting and then, after I prompted her as to what I do next, she told me that if the pregnancy sticks I should book in with midwife at week 8. Her saving grace was that she wrote me a script out for the cyclogest which has saved me a little dosh.

I have been feeling a little flat since the bleed on Monday. I think I was just starting to get excitedon Sunday night and now there's a part of me that can't allow myself to be happy and celebrate for fear of something going pear-shaped. Whilst this is an effective defence mechanism, it also means that I am missing out on the joy of it all. I think our 7 week scan will allow my partner and I to believe that I am really pregnant, but I think we will still be a bit reticent until the 12 week milestone.

Anyways - will keep you posted as to how Friday goes...

Nicki x


----------



## MG

Hey everyone,

Thanks to Emma, Mable, RachJulie, Paula, Nicki and Claire for your kind words. 

Claire- On my first ICSI egg share I had to wait for my recipient to bleed too. It ended up being for three weeks longer (nothing in comparison to Mable's long tern Buserelin use!). The hardest part for me was the lack of correct information coming from the clinic. I'd get told that my recipient was due to be scanned again a few days later, when I called a few days later I'd get told that she wasn't due for a scan for another few days. This happened quite a few times. Each time I'd get my hopes up only to find out that someone at the clinic had given me an answer I wanted to hear rather than the truth!   I hope your clinic is more forthcoming!

Nicki- If your bleeding has stopped and you are still testing bfp it sounds very positive for you! Most people on here say that they feel they are on a 3ww waiting for the 7 week scan so you are not unusual in your anxiety. Especially after the scary few days of bleeding you had.  

Mable-   It is no wonder you are still going through it. You were on a five month IVF cycle. That is an awful lot of emotional and physical energy spent trying to get pregnant. I imagine you also felt a bit of 'after I've gone through all this surely I deserve a bfp at the end of it'. I know I would. I always feel like there must be some kind of karma to all this. We've gone through so much to get pregnant surely the universe/God (wherever your belief lies if you have one) will reward me/us. Unfortunately it seems to be all about luck. We can take our vits, minerals, tablets, live a healthy lifestyle to give us the best chance but it always comes down to whether we are that lucky statistic or not. It sucks! 

Paula-   Good luck in getting some fun back in your life and putting your last tx behind you (as much as we can). Pregnancy announcements (off board! ) can be so crappy can't they.  

Tonia- Have you started your cycle?

As for me- No, I won't be heading straight into another cycle. My body isn't ready for it for a start and neither is my mind! Not to mention the complete lack of finances! How do you all cope financially?? I'm also wondering if I'll continue with IUI. After three years consisting of 4 natural IUIs, 2 ICSIs and 2 stim IUIs I'm wondering if doing IUI is the equivalent of throwing money away. After my last ICSI bfn I was so fearful of doing another ICSI and it not working, but wasting money on IUIs which may never work (for me) may not be the answer. Perhaps I shouldn't even consider what my next step will be now when it is all so raw!  

Melissa xx


----------



## Alison0702

Melissa

Sorry to read your news      It will still be raw and your right about waiting to make any major decisions. I felt that IUI was never going to work for me and felt that we were throwing money away, so after 7 failed IUI's, we went for ICSI. The money was a strain and I dont think anyone can really afford it but we carry on dont we. 

Anyway, I'm thinking of you, and sending you big hugs


----------



## Tonia2

Hi guys, 
sorry, I have been offline for a couple of weeks  - and there's so much to catch up on! I'll try to update the list in the next couple of days.

Really briefly - 
*GG * - OMG! You poor thing! where are you?? What's happened?? I was so sad and sorry to read about the (threatening) miscarrriage. Are you ok??  I hope you're getting lots of support Hun. Please let us know how you are.   

*Melissa * - Bah! I'm so sorry to see you got a bfn. It's just not fair.  Lovely to see you posting lots again 

*Paula * - ditto re. your bfn ...  

*Nikkidee* - Oh! I'm holding my breath for you for today! Good luck!

*Mable*- I think I can confidently say I understand where you're at right now.    I'm so sorry it's been such an awful road. There's no justice in it at all... I'm feeling pretty negative about the whole ttc lark at the moment. I guess it's par for the course... I just got your email (sorry re. the delay)- and yes, I agree totally, absolutely, 100% !!  Hang in there hun.

I've started down-regging _and_ stimming - am on another flare cycle so am doing both at once. Last time this short protocol got me the most eggs I've ever had, so fingers crossed again. EC will be in the week of the 8th of October, have a stim scan on the 3rd to see how things are going. Maybe I'll be 14th time lucky??!!

Have had a bit of a rough time with family just lately and also my boss at work seems to be losing the plot a little and this has been making life significantly more difficult for my collegues and myself... oh! the dramas.... would love to give up work altogether, I'm just a bit over it all right now. Unfortunately that won't be on the cards any time soon. 

Will continue to attempt to catch up with everyone...

Love Tonia

PS Heather - have a great time in Turkey! Thanks for your PM!


----------



## nickidee

I went to the cinic yesterday to have the blood test and have an hCG level of 967 - so a definite positive. 
As I haven't had any blood since Monday morning which was 14 days post EC, I am feeling a lot more reassured as my understanding is that I wouldn't have such a high hCG level if it had gone pear shaped. 
I briefly saw my consultant when I was at the clinic. She is wonderful - she came straight up to me when she noticed me in the waiting room to give me a hug and congratulate me on my positive result. She reckons that if I first tested positive last Saturday (12 days post EC / 9 days post ET) the likelihood is that I'm having twins   
I am now looking forward to 19 October when we go back to the clinic for a 7 week scan to find out for sure. 

Thanks to you all for your support over the past week.

Nicki x


----------



## Mable

That's good news Nicki - congrats.
BTW I know of several people who tested positive on day 12 and didn't have twins, so don't worry unnecessarily about that one. Your hcg levels can indicate twins I think though.
Mable


----------



## blueytoo

Nicki - fantastic beta levels!!

My clinic had just called and I can finally start stims - wooohooo. DS thinks I'm mad for being pleased about injecting but the relief of being able to halve the sniffs is worth it. First stims scan next Monday.

Claire xx


----------



## nickidee

Fantastic news Claire. All going well have you any idea when EC will be?

Nicki x


----------



## blueytoo

Hi Nicki

Well if my body behaves perfectly like it has for the last 3 cycles then I'm guessing EC will be a week on Friday.

Claire xx


----------



## Tonia2

*Claire * - we'll be cycle buddies! I'll be having EC probably Tuesday or Wednesday next week. Good luck! How are you going on the stimms? I'm getting alot of headaches and have started to feel my ovaries burning. ...Here we go again!!

Love Tonia
xx


----------



## Mable

Good luck you stimmers      

Really hoping for some positive luck for you two this time round.
Mable


----------



## blueytoo

*Tonia* - I can't think of a better cycle buddy!! Stims don't give me headaches, its the sniffs that do that and now I've done my first injection, headaches all gone!  Sorry to hear about your headaches - they should go when you start injecting! Not looking forward to that full feeling next week before EC, I can remember almost having to crawl around Disneyland Paris last year when we went a week before EC!

Can you believe you're doing this again It so has to be your turn now hun.  

Claire xx


----------



## nickster

Hello girls,

Looking for some advice from you... 

You might have seen from the 'known donor' board that we may be turning to a clinic soon as our dad-to-be is struggling with the travel needed for home insems. It's all a bit frustrating (particularly because we'd have to endure the six-month quarantine period), but he does live in Kazakhstan at the mo, so we always knew it would be tricky!

Anyway, we've started talking to Wessex Fertility about the process, costs etc. I've been assuming that we'd be doing IUIs, at least to start with. But having heard about some of your experiences I'm now beginning to wonder whether we shouldn't consider fast-tracking to IVF. 

I'm of course nervous about the trauma I'd be putting my body through (must admit, you're not the best adverts for it - but at least I have a realistic idea of what would be involved ). On the other hand, the success rates do seem to be so much higher. I guess the first thing is to find out whether either of us has any fertility problems.

Anyway, I'd be interested in your views - and for those of you who've switched from IUI to IVF, how you went about that decision. Also, are there any questions you think we should be asking the clinic up-front? 

Thanks... Nickyx


----------



## Tonia2

Hi *Nicky*
Sorry to hear of the hassles you're having with your donor. We've had a similar journey, though hadn't actually even started trying before we called it quits with our known donor. OUr communication just got too difficult as well, we had moved to Tasmania from Sydney (where he was), and I could just see both the communication and the logistics getting too difficult. And, over time, he realised his expectations were changing... In terms of having a child, our first choice was to have a known donor in the child's life, but once we actually went through the clinic we've found the anonymous route _much _ easier. On this side of it all, anyhow. Going anonymous has removed a heap of questioning / worries, and allowed us to focus more on what WE wanted, instead of worrying about what he wanted all the time... and so on... 

Anyway, as far as the actual IUI vs IVF goes, I don't think we were given any choice to start with IVF in our clinic. We started with IUI- admittedly, I didn't even think to push for IVF because I really didnt' ever think we would have to go that far to get a bfp. And I tend to be an "as-minimal-intervention-as-possible" type person, anyway.

Our consultant told us that it's standard protocol to have 6 IUI's for couples such as us, before looking at IVF. I think that's because of the 15% chance of success it has for each time (so I've been told, but there's lots of different stats quoted out there), so if it hasnt worked after 6 goes the chances aren't so good that it will work that way. Another time he said that if there's nothing happened after the 3rd or 4th IUI then it's probably not going to happen. He suggested we try a different donor after our third IUI, and so we swapped to a new donor after our 5th go - we were a bit stubborn and had felt really commited to the first anonymous donor we chose. Sometimes I wonder if we'd had better luck if we'd tried the different donor earlier, like he suggested. I was pretty committed to really trying the IUI route, so we had 7 goes all up. Alot of people DO get pregnant via IUI, so even if I was starting over agian, I would be reluctant not to try IUI first. IVF is alot rougher on your body and more expensive and so it feels like there is so much more at stake each time. 

I really struggled to make the decision to move to IVF. Mainly because I had never considered that we would have so much trouble concieving, and thus to HAVE to do IVF kind of symbolised something -I had to accept that there was possibly something wrong, and for the first time I realised that maybe it wouldn't work ever. I think that was the scariest thing - considering that possibilty. And then the money and the hassle and the effect on my health. Actually, the affect on my health was probably the thing I considered the least! ...What you don't know can't hurt you.... 

All up, I've found the IVF's easier to manage, lifestyle-wise. With IUI's there's lots of scanning and uncertainly about when you're going to go for treatment and because the clinic is so far away for us I found it quite stressful not knowing what was going on. Especially with trying to plan it around work. With IVF you have a pretty good idea when you're going to be away to have EC etc, so I've found it much easier to plan for. That has been a big thing for us, actually. 
And then, I did get my first and only bfp on my first IVF. So many people I hear of get bfp's on their first IVF's!! Obviously, for me that's not meant much with the dismal rate I've had since then, but at the time, I wished I'd done IVF much sooner!  
Haivng said that, for me, I still think it was good to do all those IUI's. It felt right at the time and I felt like I had given it a really decent go and not given up too soon. I think that's been important for my own peace of mind.

Having done three already, I don't have any hesitation with doing IVF itself now though. The FET's are easier than the IUI's even! - less drugs afterward. I've been lucky to not have had any tremendous trouble with side effects or OHSS, like some do, so for me it hasn't been as bad as I first imagined it could be. It does effect you, no doubt about that, but for what it's worth, for me it's been managable so far. Everyone is so different though. *Mable* has been on less than a quarter of the doses I've been on for IVF and she gets OHSS and a million follicles, and I'm lucky to break into double figures! There's no rhyme or reason to it. So, you don't know how you will respond til you try it. 
So, some aspects are good, but I am having days now when I'm wondering how long I can keep doing IVF for. And I'm resenting the money factor more and more.

I've forgotten how old you are - If you wanted my pure advice I'd say try a few IUI's, if time & age is on your side. It would be marvellous if you got pregnant without having to go through all the horrid drugs and so on! Lots do! If time is'nt on your side, ...well, it's a much tougher decision. Definately see what the clinic / consultant has to suggest though!

Good luck with all your pondering!! Let's hope you never get to this point and your donor comes through once again!! 
*
Claire* - yey! A cycle buddy! I'm doing a flare cycle, so that means I'm actually down-regging and stimimng at the same time. I started sniffing Tuesday last week on day one of AF and started the stim injections on day two (Wednesday). So I am am getting headaches and ovary-aches at the same time. Blegh! I do prefer the shorter protocol though - I tend to get more eggies and I only have to take drugs for 2 weeks instead of 6.  yep - it has to be both of our turns... surely!!!

Love to all, 
Tonia
xx


----------



## Mable

Nicky,
Most people try a few IUIs before moving on to IVF. You might be extremely lucky and it work. Our clinic moves on to IVF more quickly because they think it makes the best use of the sperm which is in shortage. How are your clinic with donor sperm? Our clinic don't do fertility tests as such because they say that the treatment for this would be IVF anyway.

At my clinic the success rate for IUI is around 10% (and costs around £700), and this increases to 25-30% with IVF (which costs £3500). That's still a 70% chance it won't work, and it's a much more invasive, medicated process.

Whilst many lesbians who move from IUI to IVF get lucky first time, it doesn't work for everyone. You need to know that IVF is very expensive, it might make you feel very very ill (OHSS is lifethreatening) and there is still a 70% chance it won't work. When IVF doesn't work, it feels bloody awful.

Sorry to be gloomy, it's not a very successful business we are doing which is difficult when it's so expensive. If I had a sniff of a donor around me, I'd do everything to go at it with the fresh stuff. As Tonia says, hope your donor comes round and you don't have to make this decision.


----------



## nickster

Thanks for your insights *Tonia * and *Mable*.

I should have made myself clearer: the idea is that J (our donor/dad) would 'donate' to us via the clinic. We have sperm in abundance  - it's just that logistics mean J isn't willing to come over for fresh/home insems. Annoyingly we'd have to go through the 6-month quarantine, even though J's already had health screens (I don't think there are any exceptions once you decide to freeze sperm, though will of course check).

I hear what you say about IVF being a completely different ballgame. In fact I'm surprised to find myself even entertaining the possibility... I've been totally reluctant to go to a clinic in the first place. I'm pretty sure the clinic will advise us to go for IUI to start with (they seem to assume it will be medicated, although my cycles are regular). It's more a question of when/whether we might consider changing to IVF at some point.

I know I should be more optimistic, but I'm in a fairly negative frame of mind at the moment. I think it's as you said Tonia, moving to a clinic somehow symbolises the fact that this might all be so much more difficult than we'd ever anticipated. Here's hoping we might be successful with our last (4th) home attempt (next week), or even convince J to stick with it a little longer...

Nickyx

[Oh, and I'm 31 - so I guess time is on my side, although it's taken us more than two years of serious negotiations to get even this far!]


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## nickidee

Hi Nicky,

For us the known donor route proved not to be an option. 
We initially tried 3 natural IUI cycles through our clinic at approx £700 per go. We had a quoted success rate of 6-12% and I did not get pregnant. As our clinic's current success rate with IVF is a massive 50-60%, for me it was a no-brainer to give IVF a go next, particularly as my last smear showed endometrial cells and if I do have endometriosis, the prescribed fertility route would be IVF. With those odds, it also made economic sense.
I was very lucky and got pregnant on my first attempt.

Nicki x


----------



## Mable

Wow - what clinic are you with Nicki, I see your in the south east? That's an amazing success rate!


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## nickidee

I'm with LWC and I have to say I have found them to be excellent. The current rate is unpublished and their data is probably boosted by the high number of lesbian and single women clients that they see - ie. women who don't necessarily have any fertility issues. I believe that 60% is for women under the age of 30 and about 50% for women under the age of 35.

Nicki


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## blueytoo

*Nicky* - I started on medicated IUI because I have endometriosis. Thats was 10 1/2 years ago now and I was very lucky that it worked first time and I have a lovely almost 10 year old DS.

When trying for a sibling for him I had several goes at IUI. All the IUI cycles were at LWC. I looked around for a bit and tried a few clinics and settled on The Lister because after the ARGC they have the second highest rate of success in the country and are considered the best.

After seeing that I'd had a bio-chem pg my lovely consultant their immediately agreed that IVF would be a far better option for me. I have since discovered I have lots of other infertility issues including immune problems.

My suggestion to you is don't go straight to IVF with no indication. IUI is a walk in the park compared to IVF, less scans, less clinic trips, just taking 5 clomid pills and a trigger injection. IVF is a whole different ball game that drains you emotionally and physically not to mention financially.

Choose a clinic that will test outright for a load of fertility issues so you can actually see whether you are infertile like me, or just need sperm like many others here. That way if you do have fertility issues, even minor ones, you can start your IUI's with the appropriate extra drugs/treatment and not punish yourself if X attempts later you then find out there is a problem.

Any self-respecting clinic will suggest this to you before you spend any money, The Lister certainly did with me. One reason I didn't go back to the LWC was the fact that they don't do the full range of infertility testing. Another was their true, adjusted success rate for IVF is low - around 28/30% although they quote 45.5% for under 38 years.

Try not to be seduced by clinics success rates as well, you actually need the checked figures from the HFEA and these will show the real picture. Also bear in mind if a clinic is part of a group (the LWC is now with the Cromwell) the rates are across the board rather than that particular clinic.


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## nickidee

We made enquiries with the Lister Clinic, too, due to their reported success rates. However, our experience was that they were not particulalry gay friendly - when we made enquiries re donor sperm we were told that they had one - yes, one donor - and he would only be matched to individuals who matched certain criteria which appeared to be to do with having blonde hair and blue eyes! When we asked about alternatives, we were told that there could have been a possibilty to import sperm but that applications to the HFEA for a license to do this needed to be submitted by a certain time and that The Lister Clinic hadn't done this.
I seemed like a bit of a no go for us, but I'm glad that you had a different and more positive experience. 

Nicki


----------



## blueytoo

Yes they only have one donor this year because of the damn HFEA stopping all clinics importing US sperm! But they are incredibly gay and single woman friendly. The response you got about the sperm you would have had irrespective of sexual orientation. The did import US sperm last year but the HFEA have stopped all clinics from importing this year.

They're the best and that's why I chose them. I was really happy with the LWC way back in the 90's when I had my DS but imo since all the staff left and it was taken over the Cromwell, the service level has dropped hugely. I also don't believe that any clinic should publish its rates before the HFEA have done their audit as the LWC have done as its misleading and unfair to all the infertile couples out there.

I was just advising caution to Nicky because you mentioned their success rates - and they aren't accurate.


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## nickster

Good to hear your thoughts about success rates - I'm also inclined to be cautious about reading too much into them. Wessex appears to be fairly average (they quoted 15% for IUI in a healthy woman of my age), though since they accept 'couples with lower chances of success' the average stats aren't the be all and end all. One thing I haven't managed to figure out is where to find IUI success rates on the HFEA website - they seem to lump together anything that's not IVF as 'donor insemination'.

To be honest, a key thing for us is location. We're stuck out in the New Forest at the moment, so don't want to be trekking into London every time (even though I commute there for work once a week). Which brings me to another question:

Silly though it sounds, what I'm most scared about is having to undergo clinic treatment on my own. The likelihood of my partner being able to get time off work at short notice is slim to say the least. I'm not worried about going for scans etc, but the idea of her not being there at the moment of (possible) conception goes against all my instincts. Have any of you had to cope with this? If so, how did you find it? Am I fretting over nothing?

My partner's going to talk to J tonight about it all, as I'm liable to burst in to tears on the phone. After months of us all being confident, everything's suddenly become so fragile... 

Thanks again for all your support. Nickyx


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## Tonia2

Hi Nicky, 
Hey, I just had a thought (you've probably already thought of it!) - if you do go through a clinic and have to endure the 6 month quarantine, *IF* J was willing, you could still continue to try the odd DI at home as well, if it worked out. That was the time wouldn't be wasted, as such.... 

As far as attending the clinic alone, I do most of my scans alone and my last FET I went alone - it meant an overnight stay in another city on my own (Bron booked me a cushy hotel) and a nearly 4 hour drive either way, alone- and you know what? It didn't make an iota of difference.  Of course I would have preferred Bron to be there, but she was in another state, and I found I actually enjoyed my time alone and doing my own thing. Esp. my own music in the car...  The clinic didn't even notice she wasn't there until I told them and asked one of the lovely nurses to take the photo of the embies on the screen for us, instead. 
I have done the whole clinic thing lots of time now though, so I'm sure that helps. I see more of the consultant and nurses than I do of my family! 

Re. 'the moment of conception' - the moment the sperm goes into your uterus isn't the moment of conception anyway- the sperm doesn't even meet egg until 12, 24, or more, hours later. Someone used to say to me "just think - that girl serving you at the supermarket could be getting pregnant right now, before your very eyes"!!!!  That made me think!!    
So, as long as you're hanging out with DP sometime afterward, it's all good!! 

I understand you feeling fragile - this ttc business is hard work emotionally. Hang in there and look after yourself. Lots of treats...

Love Tonia
xx


----------



## TerriWW

Hi Nicky

I just read your question about feeling worried about going for the insemination alone. Well just thought I'd let you know how it was for us. 

I conceived Angus on the 8th IUI over 10 months (one cycle I didn't ovulate properly and another we were on holiday). On the first cycle julia (my partner) came to all the scans and the insemination because just like you it felt right she should be there. Over the next couple of cycles she stopped coming the scans and just came to the insemination. She's a teacher and so she couldn't take holidays - but had to request time off and it was hard. By the forth cycle I was doing all clinic visits on my own, including inseminations as it just wasn't possible for ju to keep having all that time off indefinitely. And you know what .... just like Tonia said, it didn't and doesn't make one little bit of difference! In the end all you care about is it working and hopefully having as little stress as possible for everyone around whilst you're trying.

Maybe your partner could be there on the first insemination just whilst you see what it's all about - hopefully you won't need another! But then really try not to worry if she isn't there for 'conception' as it will have no effect on how you both feel about the baby when it arrives and it might make it less stressful whilst you're trying.

Good luck.

Hi to everyone else. We are just in the middle of IVF number 2. Ju has just started stimulating today so 2 weeks ish to EC.

Terri


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## Mable

I agree with the above about the moment of conception business. At a clinic, it is very business-like.

However, with IVF (which you were considering whether to opt for straight-off if I remember correctly) you'll need someone with you for egg collection, as it's either sedation or general anaesthetic. It doesn't have to be DP though, I saw people there with their mothers. At my clinic I didn't know what day it would be until a couple of days before, so quite hard to plan. Depending on how you respond to the drugs, you might need DP with you for the scans - we had to make some difficult choices about whether to go ahead with 80 follicles, and it could potentially be upsetting to be there alone when you find out you haven't responded well, that the cycle has to be abandoned. I always made sure that DP was with me for these scans and decisions.

Good luck anyway - I think Tonia's advice is good to have the 2 running alongside each other if possible. For us, the time between referral to clinic, getting blood results, having initial consultation, having counselling and being treated was a year (!), although when we rang up they quoted around 3 months, so it does tend to take a while to get going.

Good luck to *Julia and Terri*, for your stimming. Here's hoping for lots of eggs.

Good luck too to *Tonia* and *Claire.* How's it going for you guys - nice swollen tummies yet? Am rooting for all 3 of you  

How are you feeling *Melissa? * 
Mable


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## blueytoo

I also think Tonia's advice of running home insems alongside waiting for clinic is a great one. Although I'm single now, all of my other IVF's took place when I was with my partner. She had been at all but one of the embryo transfers which she couldn't come to because someone had to stay at home with my DS as he was ill. As the others say it didn't make a jot of difference to be honest. Even with IVF the conception doesn't take place then, it's in a dish the day of egg collection! Embryos also don't implant until 3-10 days after transfer anyway, so even if your DP was there for your IUI, the embryo wouldn't implant until days later.

I've also stayed over night in London at a hotel on my own the day before egg collection and been alone at the hospital for egg collection. This time I will have to do the whole thing alone because I'm single, and my parents need to look after DS.


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## sardonic sunflower

Nicky

Sorry to hear about your donor logistic troubles. I can concur with Nicki re LWC and excellent level of service. We chose the anonymous donor route and with no known fertility issues the consultant recommended 3 medicated IUIs before moving on to IVF if unsuccessful.

Midway through first set of injections (slightly higher doseage due to elevated fsh but <10) the scan showed that I had over-stimulated and there were looking to be around 8-10 good sized follicles. They reduced doseage for a few days but I still had too many to go for IUI - they recommend cancelling with > 3 or there is a process called aspiration where they can reduce number at same time as egg collection. I was advised success rates for this were poor so not wanting to waste the cycle I asked about converting to IVF. This was not something we had considered at the outset but it just felt like the absoultely right thing to do at the time. The consultant confirmed that it was ok to proceed with IVF.

My mother accompanied me to London for egg collection (only you are in theatre because of the sedation) and I vaguely remember some pain and then waking up back in the recovery room. It's really good to have someone come with you if possible. In the end there were 7 follicles, 5 eggs and 3 fertilised. 2 were transferred and I would recommend DP be there for this if nothing else - we got quite emotional!! Amazingly both caught and I'm nearly through the first trimester.

Cost is a key consideration because it's approx 5 times more expensive to do IVF and the succes rates do not have the same factor. I'd also have the tests done to rule out any potential fertility issues. Personally I would have gone with the IUI route a few times and then reviewed my options had lady luck, who has a big role to play, not been on my side. Good luck!

Sian


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## Mable

Sorry - was writing in the wrong place! Am obsessively checking on the pregnancy thread to see about the imminent births.
Lots of luck to everyone cycling,
Mable


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## mintyfaglady

It's interesting the differences in approach between clinics that this discussion is throwing up. We're with Manchester Fertility Services and they've had us on unmedicated DIUIs for at least 3 goes (this week will be the third). It seems that most of you were prescribed Clomid and a trigger from the outset - am I right? Could anyone hazard a guess at the difference in success rates between these two approaches?

Also, they've just hiked their prices and it's now over £1100 for a DIUI cycle. Their IVF with donor sperm is just over £3K, so if it's a leap from 10% success to anything over 30% success, then I guess that'd be worth us considering?


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## Mable

I asked for clomid, not that I needed it, it really twinged my ovaries and I produced several follicles. Not that it worked. My clinic success rate is the same for clomid or no clomid. It seemed that if I asked for it, I got it, whether I needed it or not.

I figured the trigger would get the ovulation timing precise, but on my 2 IUI attempts it didn't work for me.


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## nickster

Morning all,

I can't tell you how reassuring it is to hear your experiences of 'going it alone' at the clinic. I'm usually the most pragmatic person around, and suspect that my nervousness actually stems from all the uncertainties that surround this darned ttc business. By the sound of it I have nothing much to worry about...

We've had a bit more info from our donor/dad and he's keen to kick off the clinic process asap, but is willing to do the occasional home insem in the meantime if we have the opportunity. Which I guess is as positive an outcome as we could hope for.

More worrying is that this whole home vs clinic conversation appears to have revealed deeper concerns they have over co-parenting with us. They'll live abroad for the foreseeable future, so we always planned to have an 'unequal' arrangement, with my partner and I being the 'primary' home for the kids and J & partner visiting whenever possible.

I'm not sure whether they're getting cold feet about the whole thing (in which case we clearly need to put a halt on it - we even found ourselves discussing adoption the other night), or if it's just the reality of the situation sinking in for them. 

Anyway, it'll be so much better to talk in person when J arrives on Sunday. Hopefully we'll be able to get to the bottom of it then...

Nickyx


----------



## MG

Hi everyone,

*Nicky*- Bit late in on this but here's my thoughts on the clinic process and whether to go for IVF straightaway. IUI does work for many people out there. I am not one of them. I have seen many people on these boards have success with IUI and a lot of them very early on, even on first attempts. I have been told that it is better to look at all tx as a process especially where IUI is concerned. My clinic state that their success rates are 65% successful over four stim IUI. Three/four IUIs probably cost the same as one IVF! So on paper that sounds good. All depends on if your lucky enough to be one of them! IVF is so intensive I wouldn't be in such a hurry if I were you!

I'd also say not to pay too much attention to success rates (having previously stated my clinic IUI success rates ) in that there are clinics who are willing to take on the most difficult of cases with patients who have much lower chances of success, who stick by them for as long as the patients wish to pursue it. Then there are clinics who have limits on how many IUIs and IVFs you can do which would naturally have higher success rates as they 'get rid of' their more difficult cases. It is all down to what you want from a clinic. The HFEA website are the only stats you should really pay attention to. Clinic reported stats are always that little bit more difficult to read.

Good Luck with your talks with donor on Sunday 

*Minty*- I also started with natural IUI. I think the ideal is to start off as natural as possible. The drugs can be quite unpleasant and shouldn't really be used if necessary. Every clinic is different and it all depends on your age. Where I was under 35 I was told to start on natural IUI, a friend of mine is just over 35 and was told to go straight on Clomid... Price hikes really wind me up  they are never small but hundreds of pounds! A natural DIUI without scans for £1100 sounds ridiculous! You should be getting medicated with scans for that plus some!

*Tonia, Claire and Julia*-   

*Mable*- I'm feeling okay. If someone could look into the future and tell me whether it'll work in the end it would be so much easier! 

I have been so busy of late so that has kept me from thinking about tx too much. IUI bfn is not as hard as an IVF bfn to deal with so in that sense it has not been so bad. More so, with me is that I am truly done with IUI now. So time to face up and save up for an IVF and my fears associated with that. Both my IVF bfns were quite hard to deal with and after the last one I could so easily have jumped straight into another one just so the preparing for another IVF kept my mind off my recent bfn. Thankfully taking time out has allowed me to get bloods done I wouldn't have otherwise and hopefully I can work with the results to increase my chances. Unexpected (and unwanted) pregnancy announcements at the time made things that bit harder. Life has a way of just rubbing that salt in doesn't it! So that's where I'm at now. Better start saving!

Melissa xx


----------



## Tonia2

Hi guys, 
*
Mable, Melissa:*  
*Melissa-* I had to go to a family b'day party a few weeks ago with a new baby there that had been a completely unexpected announcement back in January, and I still struggle with it. I think because it's family, they had never intended to have children and so it's all too close to home. I found it really hard being there, with the entire family fussing over this new baby. I didn't do so well at being relaxed and comfortable there and I left as soon as I could - I was fighting tears the whole time. It's cruel, and surprising, how painful it all is, when others are experiencing something so ultimately joyful. It makes me feel like a complete heel. 

*Claire:* You've got your 1st stim scan today (whoops, ...it's Monday morning here already!) !! yey! I hope it goes well! I had my first scan last Wednesday, and another on Friday. We're heading off to Hobart tonight for EC Tuesday morning, ET probably Thursday. Wish me luck! We only found about 8 follies (3 on the left, 5 on the right) but hopefully another couple will sneak in by tomorrow. My ovaries are still feeling burny & bloated & sore, even with so few, and have felt a bit nauseous the last few days. Not sure what that's about. I hadn't realised you were going this alone. How are you doing?? Is someone coming to EC with you?    

I've been obsessively lurking every 1/2 hour (it seems) to see how* Gina & Rach* are going. It seems I might miss out on a bit of action while I'm away!! Good luck guys!!! 

*Nicky * - how's it going? There's so much to think about... we found it to be a heap more complicated than we ever imagined with a known donor... It does your head in...   Good luck with catching up with J in person. It does make it a heap easier to discuss this stuff face to face.  Thinking of you both.

*Minty -* lovely to hear from you 

*Terru & Ju * - how's the stimming going? When does EC look likely? Are you going to be on the 2ww with Claire & I??

Love to all, 
Tonia
xx


----------



## nickster

Hey *Tonia*

Best of luck with this round... I hope it goes smoothly and that your discomfort eases.   

J arrived late last night. All feels a bit strange and uneasy. We haven't yet discussed anything, as we all needed to get to sleep and now my partner's out at work. To be honest, I feel like punching him - but I guess that wouldn't be entirely constructive!!

Of course, I'm hoping this is all just a storm in a teacup, but if that's not the case we really do need to know now (particularly as I got my LH surge today!).

Nickyx


----------



## PaulaB

Nickster- Hi This really isnt going to help but i thought id share my experience with you. We asked a very close friend if he would be a donor and asked him to take six months to really think it through and talk to friends and family to make sure he made a decision he could be happy with. After three months and lots of chat he said he was completly sure he wanted to do it and was apparently sure and really enthusiastic. Then i made a date for when his donation would be needed and all seemed well. Then two days before i was expecting surge he was bit strange and hard to contact. Then surge came and went and when i finally spoke to him he said he had second thoughts. We had huge falling out over it a few months later and i was really devestated that id wasted all that time. Though we are good friends again now, I was only really able to move on after i had dd with unknown donor at clinic. I really hope this works out for you but all i would say is dont let too much time go by. If you are not feeling sure there is genuine commitment and that in the future you will be happy with his involvement, Put the brakes on and take time to rethink. At the time i was so desparete and felt it would be best for any child to have that connection, i was glad it hadnt worked out. I tried for a year with another known donor after that and that didnt result in a baby. In the end i was glad to have taken the clinic route as i felt secure no one would have a claim on dd. I think its hard to make it work and takes a special sort of guy to be able to really commit and be realistic about what is involved. Good luck. (Hope you dont mind my commenting). P xxx


----------



## MG

*Tonia*- Lots of luck, hun    I hope the EC goes smoothly. I always found that I only feel nauseous when I haven't drank enough water? I'm going to have to wait ages to hear how it all goes for you! I hope you get two perfect embryos put back and frosties too! 
Sorry to hear of your experience at the family b'day party. I've been there. It's awful. Not only are you trying desperately to manage your own pain but you feel even worse that you can't celebrate such a joyful occasion for somebody else. Well done you for making it through  

*Claire*- I hope you have someone at EC with you. I am very woozy  when I come round from sedation so I couldn't manage on my own. 

 A question for you stimmers, past and present, do any of you have one ovary that consistently responds better than the other. My right always does okay but my left ovary is a lot less responsive? 

Melissa xx


----------



## TerriWW

Hi everyone - I'm struggling to keep up with where everyone is at as don't get much time to read the boards at the moment but hope everyone is well.

Looks like EC will be toward the end of next week for us. Ju had a scan this morning - she has 5 small follicles on one side so they are upping her dose. But they said all is fine and it's very early yet. Her lining is a bit thin - but her lining has always been on the thin side and usually makes it to the basic requirements!


----------



## Alison0702

Hi Melissa

How are you doing? I always had probs with my ovaries. My right one goes for it, and gets loads of follies. My left one was always a problem. Firstly they could normally not see it for bowel gas - but when they did, there were never many follies there. Funnily enough, when I had EC, they had trouble finding my right ovary. Bodies are a strange old thing. Does your PCT offer any free goes at IVF?  

Terri Hope ou are all doing ok, and raring to start on the next cycle. Lots of           to you


----------



## Mable

Good luck Tonia


----------



## mintyfaglady

Hi all.

Tonia, and Terri and Ju, good luck with the EC.

Nicky, are you any nearer to getting to the bottom of things with J? I hope so. You could try setting a date by which you'd like to have a clear answer about his commitment/expectations? Having tried the KD route ourselves, I know how hard it can be and how quickly things can go wrong if they're not talked through properly (guilty of that one!) Good luck with getting it sorted.

We're 3 days into another TWW at the moment and are feeling hopeful as we finally managed to get what feels like a well timed cycle this month after having to sit out last month due to drawing the Ovulation Sunday card (do not pass go, do not collect £200).


----------



## nickster

Quick update:

After lots of tears last night (mainly J's to be honest) it transpires that nothing has fundamentally changed, just that he and his partner are going through a very hard time at the moment - mainly to do with never seeing each other - which is bringing all their frustrations to the surface. And proof that we're all very good at misinterpreting emails.

So we're still forging ahead, just with a better awareness of what each other's sensitivities are. We will definitely be moving to a clinic though - god knows when we'll actually get J to attend the various appointments (not until next year I don't think ). So all your advice is invaluable - I'm sure I'll be back for more!

In the meantime, please do keep your fingers firmly crossed for this attempt. Again, our timing's bang on but I suspect the stress of the last fortnight won't have done us any favours... I'll be a couple of days behind you on the 2ww *minty * - let's hope we both get lucky this time! 

Nickyx


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## mintyfaglady

Nicky, hurrah for face to face chats! I'm so pleased you seem to have got things sorted with J. Hopefully that year's wait to set it all up with him and the clinic won't need to happen, cos you'll be pg this time! Good luck!


----------



## duff

Yeah Nicky, I'm really glad you got it all sorted.  I suppose, once J has deposited at the clinic and you've waited the quarantine time, you can just get on with monthly inseminations without having all the logistics of getting J to your place at the right time.


----------



## Mable

Don't know what day it is in Tasmania, but good luck to Tonia for EC, today by our clocks.


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## blueytoo

Just a quick one tonight girls.

*Tonia* - I hope EC and ET go well for you hun, I think it's ET tomorrow for you? So got everything crossed for you hun. It is SO your turn this time.  

Good luck to the 2ww. 

As for me, after a panic and being dragged back up to the clinic on Tuesday for more scans and blood tests, EC is set for Friday, should be Thursday but they've delayed it so I can keep my appointment for the nurse to come and do IViG. They saw 12 follies on Monday, and 10 big ones yesterday.

Claire xx


----------



## Mable

Great amount, Claire, not too many, not too few. Really hope this is the one for you. Good luck for EC, hope your eggs are just lovely.
Mable


----------



## MG

Claire -Sounds like a good number of follies you have there! I hope they each have a lovely ripe mature egg inside. I hope you are not going through EC alone and that it all goes nice and smoothly.    

Tonia- Thinking of you. I hope everything is going well with you too.    

Melissa xx


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## blueytoo

IViG was fine on Thursday and EC was ok yesterday and apparently the dummy transfer went fine too. I have some kind of kink that has appeared so Dr F said you have to go left to reach the womb not central as normal and he's drawn a map for whoever does ET!

Got 11 eggs, 6 for me and 5 for recipient, my worst crop by far. Only 4 were mature and only 2 fertilised but one was abnormally fertilised so just one little embryo. Absolute worse cycle yet by far and think it proves that actually when you've never had a 100% mature eggs or 100% fertilisation record, it really is quantity not quality to give you a chance.

Presumably its down to the sperm being crap as well which isn't much fun when I had no choice of donor and had to take what they had. 

Feel very down because if I can't get pregnant with 2 grade 1 perfect embryos how on earth is there a chance that 1 bad quality embryo that isn't even a blast is going to work? I knew from the start that this cycle was going to be doomed. My body clearly did not react well to being forced into an extra week of down reg because the recipient wasn't ready. 

Sorry to be all doom and gloom but when you've been trying this long and this many times, its hard to be optimistic.

Love to everyone

Claire xx


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## ♥JJ1♥

Claire wishing you loads of luck- like you say it is the quality not quantity that matters. 

On my second cycle all my eggs were immature and so nothing to fertilise and no ET,  but hopefully you have a fighter embryo there.

Wishing you luck on ET

Tonia- Thinking of you hun
L x


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## MG

Claire,

Sorry to hear you're feeling so down about your cycle. I understand your feelings when you say if 2 grade 1 perfect embryos don't work then how can 1 not so good embryo be successful. However, you won't know the quality until ET day and I have seen quite a few people be successful with poorer quality embryos so maybe top grades aren't as important after all! Just because it grows fast doesn't mean it has all the genetic components it needs... 

I have my fingers crossed that you have a fighter there.

Melissa


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## rosypie

It only takes one Claire. Not every grade 1 embryo takes but plenty of lower quality embryos do so you can never predict. Everything crossed for you xx


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## Mable

Thinking of you Claire - can relate to your feelings of doom about the cycle. The stats don't sound good do they. Will have to hope for masses of the luck that also comes into play with these embryos, which ones continue growing and which ones just die off. Very sorry you didn't have loads to play with this time.

Hope all's going to plan with Tonia.
Mable


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## Tonia2

Aww, you guys are all so sweet - it was so nice to read through all the posts and see all the little notes wishing me luck! Thank you   

*Claire * - I am so sorry for the crap stats /embie numbers and for how you're feeling as a result... I understand so much why the numbers feel so important - because they mean more chances of a bfp - esp when you're so used to  bfn's like we both are!  Poo! I'm so sorry. Let's hope that this one little embie is THE one...    I hope the ET goes well today and you start to feel a little bit better about it all. Feeling crap is par for the course, I think. Don't feel you have to apologise, -most of us understand completely.  Gosh, it's such a pity you couldn't have all those little eggies for yourself  . I so want this to be your month!!! !   

*Nicky*- yay! re sorting it out somewhat with J. Here's to really honest (and usually painful ) conversations!  (I had to laugh when you said you felt like punching him! I've felt like that!  Those 'I-must-reproduce-*NOW!*' hormones have a lot to answer for!  ) So you've done the deed? When exactly next week do you test?  

*Paula -* our experience with our donor was almost exactly the same as yours! (hence wanting to punch him) I was so frustrated. Where are you up to at the moment? I've lost track...

*Melissa -* I probably wasn't drinking enough - I'm not especially good at remembering to drink enough at the best of times, so it's highly likely the nausea was that.  Thanks for the tip! In terms of ovaries - mine seem to be pretty even, maybe one or two follies different. However, I've only ever had a maximum of 6 on one side and more often it's been only 3-5 follies each side, so maybe that ratio is fairly usual (ie to have one producing more.) . I think it's my right side that does better. Are you busy saving up for IVF treatment now? When does it look likely you might be able to go ahead? ... we've been trying to work really hard to get our credit card amount down before we move into a new house and it's not really working... esp with having the compulsive IVF treatment bug.

*Terri-* nice to hear from you - yes, there's so many of us to keep track of now! I'm finding it's quite a challenge!  But lovely, all the same.  This is your & Ju's first IVF, isn't it? How is she finding the drugs? Having 5 follies at the first scan is pretty good, really, sometimes you only find one or two and she's still got time to grow some more nice juicy ones. At least it doesn't look too likely that she'll rapidly head into OHSS territory. Good luck! 

*Minty- *


mintyfaglady said:


> We're ... feeling hopeful as we finally managed to get what feels like a well timed cycle this month after having to sit out last month due to drawing the Ovulation Sunday card (do not pass go, do not collect £200).


  That ovulation Sunday card is a real bummer. I've had it a few times as well. As well as the "Consultant is on holiday in France so no treatment is happening at the clinic at all" card, several times. Grrr!  So glad this cycle has gone ahead. When do you test? Any hopeful symptoms or non-symptoms to report yet? How are you keeping busy on the 2ww (or not?) 

*Mable -* How are you going Hun?? I saw your news about Monty's adoption!  Yay! That's such good news! Annoying that we all have to make such a fuss about something that other parents get automatically, but, REALLY good you 've got it now anyway!! Thanks for your thoughts over the last week, (we're roughly about 12 hours ahead of you over here). I've been thinking of you  . How are you holding up? I feel so bad that we have all been able to progress through treatment cycles relatively easily compared to your experience.  It's just not fair is it.... What are your plans??

*JJ1-* Hello you!  How are you doing?? Where are you up to? 

My news is that all went according to plan last week . We got a grand total of 10 eggies (which is pretty darn good for me!- 11 was my best) all of them fertilised (first time we've had 100% fertilisation rate  ), but only 6 survived/were suitable to use.  Was a bit disappointed with that, but still pleased over all. 
So I've had two put back and have 4 frosties. I had ET on Thursday the 11th and I think I'm officially meant to test on the 29th (have lost my bit of paper telling me...) but will probably test around the 25th if no AF by then. Not much else to say really.  Bron was naughty and after taking photos of the embies prior to ET (they display them on a TV screen on a wall in the ET room) she proceeded to take photos of the Consultant and embryoligist ...and my (ah-hem) spread-eagled legs...   as they did the transfer. That would make for interesting first photos in the baby's album if it were to be successful!! Thankfully no rude bits were evident  but it does look a bit weird.... 

We had quite a busy time mostly travelling afterwards - Bron had to do some work in another town on the long way back so we spent an extra night there, then we had to go to a show in a town on the other side of the state that next night (that we'd booked in January!), so it took us a few days to get home and we were exhausted & so sick of being in the car by that time. It's so nice to be home... 

(Ok, this following mini-list is purely for my own obsessive benefit...    )

Currently on the 2ww:
Nicky- testing ~19th October 
Tonia- testing ~25th October 
Claire- testing ~30th October 
Minty- testing ~19th October 

Cycling:
Terri (Ju*) - EC ~ 19th October 

Waiting:  
Melissa
Mable
Paula?  
  

I'm sure to have missed someone...  ...sorry...

Love to you all, 
Tonia
xx


----------



## Damelottie

GOOD LUCK TONIA


----------



## Mable

Tonia,
Thanks for your update, best of luck on the 2ww and thanks also for doing us a mini list. You must have a feeling of 'here we go again' about this, another 2ww. How do you manage to approach each cycle with a balance of optimism and realism?

Claire - thinking of you. Is so hard to start the 2ww disappointed with what happened and what you got. It's such a long time to manage the emotions and thoughts.

Am still waiting for my period, now 2 weeks late - feel very fat, seem to be growing out of my clothes, feel constantly full of PMT and grotty, just wish it would come. I suppose this is to be expected after 5 months on the hormones. Having horrid thoughts that I might be pregnant, especially after all the beer and wine I've been drinking. Would not be the best start in life...

Good luck to all you 2ww-ers    
Mable


----------



## PaulaB

Hi everyone,
Have been reading all posts but been very slack on posting myself. Good luck to all the two week waiters. Cant offer any good advise to get through it as nearly had breakdown last time!
I am inbetween treatments. Will try again and will try short protocol with different drugs to see if that makes any difference. Have been advised to then change donor and try iui a few times and maybe one ivf with new donor before then considering egg donation. Has any one done short protocol?
Was just getting my head around new donor when was informed that 7 viles of the sibling donor i am currently using have become available. In real dilema. The clinic have said its my choice. I cant afford to buy it but then buy a new donor too, but if i dont buy it i may regret it and if i do and it doesnt work i may be left wondering if id changed would it have made a difference. Bit torn really. Also cannot afford all the trys they are suggesting anyway. Maybe over the next few years i will so dont want to miss out on this chance. Please advise me what you would do.
Had intended to lose some weight but not happening at all. If anything i am eating more! Period due but no sign as yet. Ive had lots of pmt but nothing else. Think the drugs are playing havoc. 
Thinking of you all and will try harder to stay in touch. P xx


----------



## blueytoo

Just a quick one ladies to let you all know that I decided not to have ET today. Yesterday the embie was 4 cell grade 1 and today 6 cell grade 2 with fragmentation. Feel like I've been hit by a bus, everything so sore and still bleeding, so swollen I can barely stand up or walk as it hurts. I don't know what the doc did to me on Friday but I don't like it! There is no way I am physically, mentally or emotionally up to dragging myself all the way up to London today. 

Embryologist agreed that embie not looking good and agreed with my synopsis of my history with number of embies and BFN's etc so I decided to freeze it anyway as I can't bear to discard. Whether I'll use it or donate it I don't know yet.

Feel very end of the road right now and thoroughly fed up. Will be asking my consultant a LOT of questions when she gets back as it seems twice now I've had no/crap fert rates yet recipients share all fine. I knew this cycle was doomed from the start tbh and its a relief that it's over.

No idea if I will ever try again either or what to do if I do.


----------



## nickidee

Hi Claire,
I am really sorry to hear of the disappointing news about your embryos and how bad you are feeling both physicaly and emotionally. 
Take time to look after yourself and heal.
Am thinking of you.
Nicki


----------



## PaulaB

Feistyblue- I am so sorry for you. It sounds as though you do need to be asking questions if receipients eggs did well. Hope you get a chance to ask soon and take care of yourself. P xx


----------



## TerriWW

Hi everyone

Julia has 8 follicles and EC is set for wednesday at 930 so as usual fingers crossed!

Hi Tonia - thanks for asking - this is actually our second ivf. Last time julia had 10 follicles. They collected 8 or 9 of them and there were 5 eggs. 3 fertilised and we had 2 good embryos put back (the 3rd wasn't good enough to freeze)so it all went ok except she didn't get pregnant! This time they are letting her stimulate a couple of days longer in the hope there will be more eggs. We have fewer follicles! But hopefully all 8 might have eggs and we might get more embryos - mind you I'd be happy with 3 like last time - as long as there are two to put back!
Ju is finding the drugs harder this time. She is on more. She is taking steriods and viagra as well to help thicken her lining as it was ok but on the thin side last time. And they seem to be working. I've got my fingers crossed for you in your 2WW.

Terri


----------



## MG

Tonia- Great to hear that all went well with EC and ET and you had two embryos transferred. Hopefully at least one is settling in for the long haul now!     Interesting photos!  
Our plans for IVF are really just plans with no idea of when it'll happen. We really don't have the money for it right now and can't see a time in the near future when that could change. Will have to hope for a miracle!! 

Paula-  What a decision you have to make!  On first thoughts, I'd say go with the sibling sperm as it means that any other child would be a full sibling to your first born. However, if your clinic believe that your chances of success are higher with a new donor then I'd be tempted to cut my losses and move on to a new donor. What is the reasoning behind your clinic's advice? If you had not had success with the donor it would be quite straightforward in that you may just not be compatible. Do they believe that you have developed some kind of immune response to your current donor during pregnancy and since? Good luck with such a difficult decision. 

Mable- Your body has been through a lot and will take time to return to a normal cycle. It is not uncommon to have your periods disrupted after going through IVF let alone 5 months of it!   

Claire- Really sorry to hear your news . You must really be going through it right now. It sounds like you had a traumatic EC as well. Get plenty of rest, take some vitamin c and drink plenty of fluids.  I would most certainly be asking my Consultant a lot of questions too. Fair enough there will be a difference after transfer in terms of whether your embryos take or not, especially with your NK cells diagnosis. But unless there is an issue with the sperm there should be no marked difference between your share of embryos and the recipient's, pre ET, it just wouldn't make sense. I always have a paranoia when it comes to egg share that the recipient will get all the good eggs as they are paying the majority of the costs (even though we're told they are randomly allocated) and just thought I was being silly but I'm a bit concerned now!! Don't make any decisions now about the future just deal with what has happened first.

Terri and Julia-     Good luck with EC I hope you have a lovely ripe egg in each follicle!


Melissa xx


----------



## Tonia2

Oh *Claire! *  I'm so sorry!  That's so not fair!! I'm so so sorry. But good you made a decsion you're happy with and weren't forced to go one way or the other. Please look after yourself in the next few days while you recover. Have you got someone looking after you? & are you able to take some time off work etc? I hope you're being pampered and nurtured, if not by someone else, by yourself!! Take care hun.   Will send you a PM.

*Terri -* good luck for Wednesday. I got my bfp last year from a cycle with less follies than that, so there's lots of hope! Best wished to Ju. The drugs do make it tougher.   

*
Paula- * nice to hear from you. Are you any closer to making a decision about the sperm situ? I think if it were me I'd go for the sibling sperm, for several reasons - I think which ever way you choose you may end up wondering whether you ought to have chosen the other, so, you're between a rock and a hard place there, and the advantages of having sibling sperm (ie. you've had a successful pregnancy out of it and the genetic connection for your daughter) would outweigh it for me. ...However, I understand the suggestion of trying a new donor - I was advised to do that while doing my IUI's and resisted for a couple of cycles and now I wonder if I ought to have swapped earlier. Damned if you do and damned if you don't really... that's been absolutely no help to you has it... !!?!! sorry. It is a tremendously hard decision. At the end of the day you can only choose what feel most right at the time using the limited information you have, and go with that. Hopefully choose the options you may regret the least!

My last two IVF cycles have been short protocols. I much prefer them, you only have 2 weeks of drugs instead of 6, and I got alot more eggs/follies out of it (virtually doubled - I got 5 & 6 the first IVF's and then 11 and 10 on the last 2). It means you start stimming the day after you start sniffing, and it's over heaps quicker, so I have been able to fit more treatment cycles in in the time I would have otherwise spent down-regging. Other than that, Í've not found the short protocol to be any different from the other cycles.

Has anyone else found they are ravonously hungry in the days leading up to EC/ET and the week or so following? I've noticed it more this time - probably just more aware of it this time, having only been a bit conscious of it last few times. Given that most of the weight I seem to put on with IVF cycles seems to happen in the weeks follwing EC/ET it could follow that it's my appetite that may be contributing. Just wondering if others have noticed it or if it's just me! 

*
Mable- * I saw that you've got sibling sperm available suddenly! yay!  Here's a dance to bring on your AF ( & *Paula*'s): 
             

*Veela- * Good luck for your 2ww! Your experience at the clinic sounded awful! I've been lucky to have a really good and respectful consultant - the nurses don't do any of the ET's or IUI's. I hope you do complain, you'd be well within your rights to.

*Melissa-* I'm hoping for a financial miracle to come your way some time soon... 

Good luck to all, 
love Tonia


----------



## Popster

Hi Everybody,

Hope you don't mind me joining in....My partner and I have been in the TTC game for about 2 years now.... I have lost count of the number of DIUI's we had (about 6-7) and then had one DIVF and one DIVF FET.. All Big Fat Negatives so far  

We are just starting our 2nd fresh IVF, I am down regging for 5 weeks and am 2 1/2 weeks in to it. Feels like it's taking for ever!! Didn't down reg before as I was an IUI to IVF convert as I overstimulated on an attempted stimulated IUI.

Feel frightened and apprehensive at possible down reg sypmtoms etc, and even more scared about the bits after that not to mention how I will feel if we get a another neg!! I know I should be thinking positiv but feeling overwhlemed about it all.

Look forward to getting to know you all, sorry I haven't got my head around who is who and at what stage you are at. All the threads are slightly confusing 

Lots of Love

Poppy xx


----------



## mintyfaglady

Hi Poppy, and welcome. I'm newish round here too and have not caught onto eveyone's name and treatment yet either, but they've been a friendly bunch so far!   Good luck with your upcoming IVF - I hope this one does the trick as it sounds like you've been through the mill so far.

I'm nearing the end of another TWW and just not feeling it. I'm spotting and no way am I going to make it to test day on the 19th  (thanks for the list though Tonia). We're disappointed, but ready to try again.


----------



## Tonia2

Blergh! So sorry *Minty! * it certainly is a  rollercoaster isn't it... Good luck with planning the next cycle. Can you edumacate me on what a HSG is? I've not had one.....(I don't think!!!  ) Good luck hun.

Welcome to the zoo *Poppy!* It *is * a bit hard to follow everyone.... Maybe it would help for you just to keep an eye on this thread alone - there's heaps of LGBTers on the preggy and known donor threads that alot of us know (some of us have been around a while!  ) but with the numbers increasing wonderfully I think it's going to be a bit harder to keep up with everyone. Hence my list obsession.  So maybe just choose one thread and stick to that until someone else grabs your attention!!   
Doing my 2nd IVF after 7 IUI's and one FET was my lowest point emotionally, so far on our ttc journey. For some reason I struggled more then, than now even. Maybe I'm becoming a little hardened to it - which is a relief of sorts!  Though I am much more sensitive, teary & stroppy about seeing new babies than I've ever been... I'm not sure that will go away anytime soon. Hang in there hun, it's a cruel road and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but for so many there's success at the end of the tunnel and so we just have to keep walking.  Love to you both. I'll add you to the BIG list too! 

the Revised IUI/IVF/FET list, including the two lovelies from the known donor thread!:  
I've just guessed at the approximate test dates. Let me know if they are wrong.

Currently on the 2ww:
*lotty1*- testing 20th October IUI
*Nicky (Nickster)*- testing 25th October DI
*Tonia*- testing ~25th October IVF
*Pipgirl-* testing ~27 October IUI 
*Veela-* testing ~29th October IUI

Cycling:
*Terri (Ju*)* - EC Wednesday 17th October IVF
*Poppy * - EC around 3 Novemberish IVF

Inbetween cycles:  
*Melissa *IVF
*Mable* IVF January
*Paula* IVF
*Claire* IVF
*Minty* IUI
*Duff * DI

Have I missed anyone? That's 11 of us (at least) just on this thread! No wonder it's hard to keep up!! Hope my list obsession helps... 

I have really sore boobs.  It's waking me up at night!! I might have to start wearing a soft bra to bed again. Too soon to be pregnancy symptoms unfortunately. It will be the pregnyl injections I'm having, to support the LH stage. Pity 'bout that... 

Love Tonia
xx


----------



## nickster

Hey *Tonia*

You're getting ahead of yourself... my test date isn't until 25 Oct - snap! 

Have been keeping quite busy this past week, so not finding it too hard for once. I don't really have any expectations this time around - reconcilling myself to the fact that we'll probably have to go down the clinic route, I guess.

Good luck everyone!   

Nickyx


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## mintyfaglady

Ooh, lots of test dates coming up - let's hope there's a run of good luck coming up - good luck to all you waiters.

Tonia, HSG stands for Hysterosalpingogram, which I think is a far cooler name! It's the one where they shoot radioactive dye up your tubes and then X-ray you to see if there are any blockages. I was scheduled for a laparoscopy, but my girlfriend was a bit freaked out about the idea of me undergoing a general anaesthetic and I quite like my bellybutton as it is, without camera holes, so I changed my mid (wimped out)!

minty
xxx


----------



## Popster

Hi girls,

Minty - sorry to hear you are coming to the end on a 2ww without the outcome you wanted, It's always so gutting really, I think getting started again, or getting a date to get started always helps!

Tonia and Nicky --- ladies in waiting. How are you doing? Are you managing to not obsess?? So hard I know. Tonia I think it was you I was reading about on another thread where you have had little projects to do during the wait.. I liked that one... this time I am having a whole 4 weeks off when I start stimming so I will need something to keep me occupied. Hmmm, need some inspiration, clearing out my drawers is not doing it for me. Might just watch my entire collection of Sex and the City DVD's and see how much weight I can put on!

Thanks for putting me on the list.. Anyone else about to start downregging?? I need a cycle buddy

Lots of love

Poppy xxx


----------



## MG

Poppy- Welcome to the board!   It can be a bit confusing at first getting used to all the different boards. I tend to stick to just this board now as it becomes ever so difficult to keep up with everything, almost a full time job!  I hope you never get to the point where it becomes all too familiar though as it would mean that like me you have been posting/reading for far too long. I notice that we have been through exactly the same amount of treatments, except I had two fresh IVFs, and yours was IVF and FET. It is gutting to get to this point I think. It is so overwhelming especially even considering how you'll feel if you get another IVF bfn. But, even with IVF the science is certainly not perfect. You have a 1 in 3or4 chance of success so the vast majority of people get bfns. It's horrible to be one of them, but one day the dice has got to throw in our favour! At least it better bleeding well do! 

Tonia- Interesting that you found the hardest time during tx was post 6IUIs and 1IVF 1FET. It does seem to be a real hurdle point. There is something about looking at a third IVF I think and realising where you are at and that getting pregnant really isn't going to be easy... Not that that didn't cross my mind after the first few txs   Honestly, I'm such an idiot sometimes! 

Nicky-    

Minty   Sorry hun. 


I'm having such a weird time right now. I feel like I have given up so much to try and get pregnant (career, holidays, certain friends) and now I can't see how I can afford another IVF I feel completely lost! Tx is even starting to ruin Christmas for me too! Every year you think could this be the year? How exciting having Christmas knowing you have a baby on the way/here...  It sucks.  

Melissa xx


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## Popster

Hi Melissa,

This thing is too addictive! It's just really good to talk to people in the same boat. I had no idea how hard this whole process was gonna be!! I thought I would have had a baby by now and we'd be thinking about schooling!!

Where abouts are you in treatment?

Also do you know how I get that summary written in pink at the bottom of my posts?

Good to hear I am not alone in it getting difficult at this point... ah, gotto rush, client here.

Lots of Love,

Poppy xx


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## lotty1

Hi all 
Thought i would post on this board as seem to be posting all over the place. Hopefully i will get it right soon! Anyway just needed to post as sat here feeling devastated again. I was due to test on 20th but have started to slightly  bleed so with my pattern which always follows the same lines a period is here. Managed to leave work dry eyed but cryed all way home ... sat with face on then ate loads of chocolate. Now have panda eyes but calmed a little. Anyway i suppose its count down to clomid in a few days then round 10 DI so need to get my positives thoughts in order for the next round. 
Anyway on a more positive note good luck to all the other 2ww i will keep my fingers crossed.


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## Mable

Sorry to hear that Lotty.
Hope you have some good luck soon. Looks like you've had a good go at DIUI. Hope it works for you soon.
Mable


----------



## Tonia2

Hi ya *Lotty! * nice to see you here. I'm so sorry it lokas like AF has arrived. Pooh! I'm with you on the chocolate thing....  How horrible to get your period at work!  That's always something I hope won't happen - it's hard to hold it together and I usually need a good cry in private. It certainly does seem like you've given IUI a really good go.    as you plan for your next cycle. 

Whoops *Nicky!* I've fixed the date for you! Let's hope we both make it to test date and 8 months beyond! 

Hi *Poppy! * yep, I thought I'd be contemplating the possibility of child number three by now.... I turn 35 in a few days and I never thought I'd make it to this age childless. There's no rhyme or reason. Hang in there. 
Has someone let you know about the signiture at the bottom yet? If you click on the grey box at the top of this page that says "profile" it will take you to your own member profile; then, I think, click on the bit on the lefthand side where it says "forum profile information" and it will lead you to where you can write your own signature, put up your own photo etc. I'll check that I've given you the right steps, after I've posted this. Good luck! 

*Melissa -* it does suck. I think it's harder at certain anniversaries,like birthdays, christmas, etc. I used to write myself a yearly goal thing at the end of each year, decorate it and put it on the wall in my study where I can be reminded of all the things I'm working towards. Every year for the last five years it's had "to get pregnant" on it, in some form or another. I'm not doing goals at the end of this year.  At least, not putting that one up. It's too soul destroying. Although, last year I wrote "to do everything humanly possible and in my power to concieve and carry a baby to full term" - which is technically achievable, and has covered all my bases (because I DID get pregnant last year! I have to be more specific, I realise!!!) Anyway. I don't think I'll do it this year. Too hard. 
At the moment we're planning a trip to Thailand in December and having bought this new house AND have started planning to have (a Tasmanian equivalent of) a CP ceremony in March next year - all things that I've been putting off for years because "I might be pregnant". I've decided we just have to do them, even if I do look really fat in the photos.... and even if we don't have any money.... and even if I have to fly when I'm pregant (not something I've really wanted to do.) But I'm getting too resentful of all the things we put off...we 're just never going to do anything otherwise and I get really angry about it all. Next on the list is to get a horse again. Might have to win lotto though. 
Thinking of you hun... 
gotta go and feed 4 hungry fur-babies, 
love to you all, 
Tonia
xx


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## mintyfaglady

Hey Lotty, sorry for your crappy news, especially getting your period at work.

Tonia, thanks for the instructions about the signature thingie - I'm off to try that in a mo. I didn't realise you were from Tasmania - I spent a few months there back in 1997 and absolutely loved it! Lucky you!


----------



## TerriWW

Hi everyone

Lotty - sorry about your AF   hope you're doing ok

Tonia - I like the list!

Ju had egg collection yesterday - 8 eggs from 8 follicles so vvvv pleased. Clinic have rung to say 6 fertilised so that's great. All being well 2 will be going back tomorrow and if we're really lucky we might have a couple to freeze!   The dr had ju stimulate and extra 2 days this time and it seems to have matured the follicle/eggs better. Last time we had 10 follicles - they got about 8/9 of them from which we got 5 eggs and 3 fertilised so we're doing much better this time

Good luck to all you 2WWers

Terri


----------



## CookieSal

Hiya all

Hope it's OK for me to chat on here....  I've been loitering for a while in various threads but I don't quite fit as yet.  Hopefully once my lap is done and my fibroid is gone then I will be able to start my treatment.  (From all I have read so far, this waiting lark is actually the EASY bit as treatments are seriously testing!)  Anyway any tips on making the waiting time go quickly? - I've done the ultimate distraction and moved house, I guess Christmas will be next...oh and we have a weekend away in December (the L3 - L Word event in Blackpool) which I am looking forward to.  I was hoping to spend the time getting fit and healthy but I'm having what the GP thinks is IBS problems and have got fairly constant tummy problems so I don't feel up to doing much at the moment.  

BTW I am Sally - 33 with a fairly small but annoyingly positioned 'broid which has to go before any tx can be considered.
Partner is Karen - 32 (allegedly) - the most tolerant, wonderful woman on the face of the planet

Sally x


----------



## MG

Hello everyone,

Sally- Hello! Yes, the treatments are seriously testing but waiting to start treatments and waiting in between treatments is so frustrating. Your body is screaming that it is ready to go and you cant! As for tips, distractions are the way to go and planning things to do non-baby related is very good for you. The biggest tip I can offer is not to put your life on hold. Because if it doesn't all work out as planned you can look back and wonder what the last x years have been spent doing other then treatments! 
Your off to an L Word event?! I'm really annoyed that I'm currently missing the new series on Living as I no longer have the channel!  

Terri- Great news about the EC. Good luck with ET 

Poppy- In my 'plan' I'd have been trying for or have conceived baby no.2 by now! I'm not having treatment at the moment. Had my last bfn a few weeks ago (IUI) and have decided to return to IVF but just need to find the money really. 

Lotty- Panda eyes and chocolate, I know it so well... Sorry to hear that you are spotting. I know there are people on here who spot around AF time who are pregnant so I want to say don't give up until you see full blown AF. But equally I know from my experience that I always spot for a day or two before full AF...  

Tonia- You may just have to win the lotto with that list  ! It looks like you're making up for lost time! Good for you! Even though I still give up some things for tx, this time last year I did make a conscious decision to make plans and do it without worrying about what if I'm pregnant as when I thought about it I wouldn't mind a bit canceling and changing things for that! I have made improvements but there is work to do! I have also made aspiration lists for the new year too but for this year I stayed well away from the having a family one! Good thing too. 

Melissa xx


----------



## CookieSal

Good advice that I am trying so hard to take.... so difficult though as I am scared and worried and just want my lap to come around so I will know if everything is OK and the fibroid is ousted.  Hope the L Word event will be good, it's organised by Starfury and it's in Blackpool at end of November / beginning of December.  Can't remember exactly which members of the cast will be there but I'm pretty sure Leisha (Alice), Kate (Shane) and Erin (Dana) are due to attend so it should be good fun.  Only problem at the moment is that we are on the hotel's wait list and it will be a tad frustrating if we have to stay somewhere else as I don't fancy trecking back and forth in December.  Be fun to see the illuminations mind - apparently I was take there once as a toddler, fell asleep as the coach arrived in Blackpool and slept the whole way through.

It'll take me a while to work out who's who on this thread so bear with me...in the meantime, I send you all lots of love and good wishes.

Sally x


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## mintyfaglady

Oh Sally, I hope you get your hotel place - if I remember rightly, the event is at the Norbreck Hotel and it's MILES up the seafront from the town centre where most of the other hotels are - too far to walk, especially in December!


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## lotty1

Hi all thanks for all your postings they really helped. Feel a Little better because i have a three day break from work so plan to have a little fun watching the rugby!!! Sorry non sport fans! 
Minty sorry to hear that you got A/f but good luck for the next round i am sending out all positives thoughts to everyone.
Sal hope ya sort out the hotel have a brill time in Blackpool.
Well now ready for round 10 prefer even numbers never really liked the number 9 so back on the merry go round of clomid.....


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## Mable

Hello,
We off on hols for a week tomorrow (just to Ireland to see inlaws who are ill). Still, really looking forward to the plane and the hire car part and hope they'll do some babysitting so I can get ****** in an Irish pub.

Just wanted to say a massive good luck to all you girls on the 2ww at the moment, Tonia especially, sorry to show favoritism but you've been through so many IVF 2wws, and it's a nightmare. Loads of luck to everyone, I'll be sending up positive thoughts to you all from the in laws spare bedroom.

Mable


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## Popster

Hiya Girlies,

I am so looking forward to seeing England win the World Cup tomorrow night! Yeh!

Lotty, sorry to hear about negative result, it doesn't get any easier does it?

Sally, I hate the waiting game, worse than the treatment for me. Any idea when you will have the lap?

Tonia - how is the 2ww wait going? What date do you test? I know what you mean about putting things off, we've been doing that for 2 years and NO MORE... so much so that we have booked a skiing trip this New Year (approx 4 weeks after our test date). So just decided it's win win. Get a negative we can have a great ski, get a positve I will be so happy to go and chill out in the mountains and watch DP ski..

I was planting my winter bulbs today (saddo I know) and I couldn't help the thought..._I wonder if I will be pregnant when these gorgeous daffodils rear their heads in the Spring!! I will be so gutted if I'm not!

Tonai, Happy Birthday for a few days time.

Mable, where are you at? Are you in the waiting game? HAve a lovely holiday

Minty, are you set to go again?

HAve a great weekend all

Love Poppy xx

Come on England!!_


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## CookieSal

Greetings ladies.

Have been busy entertaining the inlaws who are staying this weekend.  To be fair they have been working really hard doing jobs around the house and garden.  Watching the rugby this evening - as a Welshie I am not too worried who wins but I'd like to see a good game.

Minty - yes the Norbreck is the venue - really hope we can get in.  I am preparing to start calling the hotel every now and then to see if there is an update.  Don't hold out much hope as they have been a bit rude in their dealings so far  

Lotty - sorry to hear your news - hope you enjoy the match this evening. Good luck with the next round.

Mable - enjoy your hols, hope you get some time out in a suitable drinking establishment.

Poppy - was told the wait for the lap would be 6-8 months.  Am approaching the 4 month mark at the end of this month so hopefully will have it some time between the end of December and the beginning of March.  I keep wanting to call and ask where I am on the list but on the couple of occasions I have phoned, I have been fobbed off or have been out through to another department who basically laughed at me and said "we only deal with patient within a 3 week margin" so I came off the phone feeling frustrated, stupid and upset!    
BTW we're planning to plant daffs aswell.  (and you're not the only one who does that..... I am going to enter the Ednburgh Moonwalk for 08 (did the London one this year) and it will be in June.  There is a sad and desperate part of me that keeps hoping I may not be able to do it as there is a slim chance I could have had treatment and maybe conceived by then!

Tonia - sending you lots of love.  I appreciate your kindness in making me so welcome on the forum and really hope you get some luck x

Hope I haven't missed anyone - sorry if I have.  Sensing you all lots of love and very best wishes.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend. xxx


----------



## Tonia2

Hi guys, thanks for your thoughts, I'm none the wiser at the moment really - I've had a few twinges that (I'm scared to admit to myself  ) do remind me of when I got my bfp last time, but I'm sure it's all in my head; BUT no AF yet....and... I haven't been brave enough to test early, despite pressure from Bron! Official test date is Friday the 26th. I might be waiting til then to test, the way I'm going. 

Thanks for the birthday wishes *Poppy*! I had a quiet day, I was working night shift the night before and the night after, so just had a few friends come round in the late afternoon, and B & I went out with other friends last night for dinner as well. On Sunday though, Bron had this gorgeous cake all decorated to look like a treasure chest- all overflowing with chocolate coins and lollies etc- and she put these fancy sparkler flare type thingys on it - and promptly set the cake alight.... we were in hysterics, which didn't help her with putting it out...  Smoked cake isn't that bad, surprisingly.   

I feel a bit sad that Alison's twins were born on my birthday, so early, and such a sad outcome so far, Hopefully Christopher gains more & more strength each day. I feel absolutly gutted for them.  I can't imagine how devastated they must be feeling. 

I just wanted to see how *Terri * went with ET the other day... ? Are you out there *Terri*?? Hope it all went ok, 
Love Tonia
xxx

PS.Ummmmm... Sorry about the rugby.....


----------



## Popster

Hi girls

Tonia, you are so close! Great that you sound like you aren't 'going there' too much in the analysis of the twinges etc.... but huge fingers crossed. Will be thinking about you over the next few days, really hope the turn is yours, from reading back it sounds like you deserve it you have given so many people support.

I am happily injecting twice a day, at the beginning of week 4 of downregging, another week and a half to go. Bought a natal hypnotherapy cd for ivf and have listened to it a few times and think it's gonna help me 'de-obsess' and stay positive!

321 Relax.....

Sal, hope you are well, hope you hear soon 

Lots of love to you all

Poppy xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## MG

Tonia-       It's sounding good for you, hun! Really hope its your 'throw of the dice' to repeat a phrase our Consultants oft use!

Melissa xx


----------



## pem

Good luck for tomorrow Tonia


----------



## Mable

Hello from Ireland - we on our hols (with in-laws - grr), in internet cafe to see how little Christopher is and also to wish Tonia lots of luck testing.

We thinking of you,
Mable


----------



## Tonia2

Hi everyone, 
Thanks for checking up on me! You're all so sweet.  

No luck here unfortunately.  I started spotting on Wednesday morning, which is a bit unusual for me, so eventually I tested that afternoon (with Bron on the phone- at work still!) just so we would know what was going on - and alas, another bfn.  I couldn't get another line to appear on that pee stick no matter what gymnastics, cortortions or spells I performed.... AF started in earnest the next day, so I haven't bothered testing again. So I've had a grumpy couple of days, wallowing around in my pj's watching bad movies and not doing anything I ought to be doing.  Thankfully I'm off work these few days.

*Melissa * - I'm becoming fairly convinced that that said dice is loaded, against me... 

I don't know if I can keep doing this. I'm so tired of constant negatives. We have a few frosties, but I have exams and all sorts (trip overseas and new house renovations) coming up in the next month or two, so I'm thinking I might just take a break for a bit. I'm a bit over the logistics of trying to organise it all at the moment. Tired of constant phonecalls to the clinic and driving all over the countryside for hours, for nothing.  I'm not really sure what to do with myself, to be honest. Certainly don't feel like studying... 

Hmph! 

Love from a very grumpy Toni

PS *Mable:* Thanks, you  . And oh! the in-law's...!  Good luck! 

PPS *Poppy * - I've heard alot of girls swear by the hypnotherapy CD's. I used them on my 2nd IVF & FET, and while I found them helpful & enjoyable at the time, I still didn't get the outcome I wanted. I was in a pretty bad place emotionally, around that time so I think I've not used them since because of the association with then.  BUT, I'm thinking, now that yo've reminded me,that after having a little break I might be able to approach them again, in the right frame of mind. I'm sure they ARE helpful. Certainly anything that makes us feel calmer and relaxed can't hurt!!  Good luck hun!


----------



## mintyfaglady

Oh Tonia. Gutted for you and bron both. So sorry.


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Oh Tonia I am so sorry for you both- thinking of you both
L x


----------



## MG

Tonia,

So sorry to hear you got a bfn. I was really hopeful that you and Bron would be celebrating this weekend. Those crappy dice strike again.  After all the positive signs you've been having as well.    

As you say, all the negatives can be so overwhelming you may just find you need to take a break from cycling for a while. Even if it is just for a month or two. It may even help. Get all the drugs out of your system and get your head back into it all.  

Take care
Melissa xx


----------



## lotty1

Hi Tonia so sorry for u and Bron.
To all you other guys hi, just got over losing the rugby but now sweating so much due to the clomid that my thoughts are now distracted. Now on the pee sticks again oh what fun!!!!


----------



## CookieSal

Tonia - so sorry to hear it wasn't good news.    Sending you lots of love x

Nothing to report from my end, still don't have a date for the op.  Having a quiet weekend - weather is crappy so I don't really want to leave the house anyway.

Just about to order my Christmas cards - I really must be bored!  

Love to you all xxx


----------



## TerriWW

Hi everyone

Been off work for a week so just catching up. 

Tonia - really sorry it's not the result you wanted  

Ju had 2 embryos put back and 2 were good enough to freeze this time which was a bonus. The other two weren't good enough. We test this friday! The thing is we've been doing this so long, I find it hard to imagine a BFP! But fingers crossed ...

Hope everyone else is well

Terri


----------



## pipgirl

Hello girls,

Its a bfn for us too..AF today and drop in bbt (36.8 to 36.0).
I am so upset, i think even more than last time..i was told there was nothing wrong with me but i think there must be now, i did everything i was supposed to and nothing. Its so unfair..everyone around me is pregnant and i cant bear it.
I dont feel like me ...i just feel like a stressed out tired and emotional wreck.


Hugs to Tonia.
Sorry this is such a bummed out message.

Pip.


----------



## PaulaB

Pipgirl- So sorry to hear that. Its so hard when its a bfn. Ive had so many I cant imagine ever sharing positive news. But look at all the ladies who are pregnant and all the treatment they have had and you will see that even when it seems the odds are stacked against you there are successes. Its worth considering a HSG if you havent had one yet just to check tubes are clear for any further diui. It takes time to recover each bfn. Sometimes you can bounce back and other times it can take a few months to get the strength back. Just let yourself grieve and let it all out. You dont have to make any decisions just yet. Take care and remember that we all really understand how you feel and are here for you. P xxxx


----------



## rosypie

Very sorry to hear about your BFN pip. Try not to be so down-hearted though; I know it's not much consolation to you now but it's not unusual for it to take 3, 4, or even more cycles of IUI to get a BFP and none of it necessarily means you have underlying fertility issues. There is magic at play too don't forget. You can do the same things 2 month running, same timings, same donor, same behaviour - and one month a BFN, the next a BFP. No explaining it.

TTC is so traumatic, so all-encompassing, it's hard to think about much else when you're in it. It's been said hundreds of times on these threads before but it's true that if you look at the whole ttc as a process of steps getting you closer to that BFP rather than individual treatments, all of which could and should deliver a BFP, then it can be easier to reconcile it all in your mind. Having said that, getting a BFN is always horrible, no matter how far along the process you are so just pamper yourself tonight -relax, have some wine, eat some peanuts, pate, whatever. And best of luck for the next cycle.


----------



## Mable

Hello,
*Tonia* - so very very sorry that you've had another negative IVF. Absolutely gutting for you both. It must be so hard to keep going like this, with all these disappointments and never knowing if you are going to get there. Very very sorry for you, you must be feeling very bad at the moment and it must be hard to contemplate more treatment. 

Hopefully immersing yourself in your house renovations and your exams may help. I found after my last IVF disaster that what I needed was to do something which had a positive outcome. Where I got a sense of achievement at the end of it. It felt really good to do something that took a lot of energy where I got some rewards in the end. Unlike IVF.

I find it really hard that doing fairly continuous IVF cycles makes you put your life on hold, stall plans just in case you are pregnant in a couple of months. I hate my current job and have been offered an interesting job opportunity, but where I wouldn't have much job security and wouldn't qualify for maternity leave, should I get pregnant next try (around Jan/Feb 0. If I don't take it and IVF doesn't work, I will have lost the chance to do this and have some work happiness again. I will have lost even more. But if I do take it and I then get pregnant, I'll have no maternity leave, no job to go back to and it will be really hard doing it whilst pregnant. The post is a development opportunity so they really won't want me doing it whilst preggers. Ho hum...

Sorry also to *Pipgirl*. Hope you feel better soon. It is emotionally exhausting as you say. I think Rosypie's advice is good, about seeing it as a process rather than as individual tries. It helps keep the hope up.

Good luck to Terri and anyone else on the 2ww at the mo. Sorry, have been a bit out of the loop with being on holiday.
Mable


----------



## nickidee

*Tonia* - I am so sorry about your negative test. I can totally understand how despondant you are feeling and it may well be that a break in treatment is what you need to gather the stength to continue. Take care of yourself and Bron and know that we are thinking of you.
*Pip* - It can be a long journey this TTC lark and those that get pregnant after only one or two cycles are in the minority. Bear in mind that heterosexual couples with an abundant supply of and access to sperm take an average of 6 months to conceive and so we as same sex couples have much longer odds. Keep your chin up and keep trying. There is hope.
Good luck to everyone else who is waiting.
Nicki


----------



## TerriWW

Hi Pip

Really sorry for your BFN but try not to be so down hearted ie I understand you're upset it hasn't worked this time but really don't be all doom and gloom that something is wrong with you. Am I right that this is only your second IUI? Crikey - not many people get a BFP that quickly!! On average it's 3 or 4 goes. It was my 8th IUI that worked and there's apparently nothing wrong with me (from a fertility point of view!!) TTC is emotionally hard but it's kind of a case of expecting a few disappointments on the way but believing it will work if you keep going.  

Terri


----------



## pipgirl

Thanks.

Really helped...been a difficult day but am feeling a bit better (have already booked for next cycle) so doing something positive towards it..i know its not likely to get a bfp in the first coupl of goes..my friend has had two rounds of ivf and both were bfps so i suppose im thinking if they have fertility issues and got prgnant both times, whats wrong with me?..stupid i know, but hey.

Will be having lots of wine tonight (first in four months!) Will be 'bear' drunk (am so down with the kids eh?).

Daft, but i really wanted to be pregnant by christmas. The next go is paid for, but after that wev'e got nothing left (spent £3000 of savings) and will have to borrow money.
How have other people managed to finance iui? I can borrow, but only up to a certain amount because im a new householder ..i think about £8000 is the limit..
Apart from selling organs or getting involved in organised crime...

Chin a bit higher up. Pip


----------



## mintyfaglady

@ Pip - glad today is a little better. It can really get to you, I know, but one day at a time, eh? The financial aspect is an added stress, to be sure. We saved about 5K before we started at the clinic. We put more effort into saving once we started to feel our KD relationship was going down the pan, which meant we didn't have to endure too much of a forced break when we finally switched over. We're still trying to spend as little as we can, to eke it out as long as possible. If I was younger, I'd consider an IVF egg-share programme to be sure.

We're coming up to ovulation time again and hopefully be going in for an insem around Thursday or Friday. I think I hate this part of the cycle more than the BFN part, if that's possible. My gf and I seem to always get so angsty and argumentative and just down about the whole thing. Then I convince myself that by being stressed and negative I'm ruining our chances and it just gets worse from there on in! Does it get anyone else like this?

Ooh, we are down in the dumps today! Apologies.


----------



## lotty1

Hi Pip
Glad you are feeling a little better good luck on your next cycle. Sorry to hear that you were so upset.
Minty Sorry you are feeling down we are also due to attend clinic thurs or fri and i have to agree i dread this time not because of the tension but because of the actual procedure. I too convince myself that my worry and stress are stopping me getting pregnant and the more i think the more i think that i am controlling the not getting pregnant ... i know this sounds stupid but ya mind plays tricks on ya.  Well back to positives thoughts and round 10 DI.
HI 2 ALL AND GOOD LUCK WITH ALL YA TREATMENTS.


----------



## mintyfaglady

Lottie, I'll keep my eye out for you in the waiting room (we're at the same clinic, right?) - do your clothes flash like that in real life?


----------



## lotty1

Hi Minty
Yeah i am at MFS so its back down the MI the same routine will  prevail, park outside Asda starting to hate that supermarket   and then fill my bladder can't wait. Even mangaged to watch a full building being built since i begun . No my clothes don't flash i am not that posh now wearing  old clothes as skint!!! 
Hi to all


----------



## TerriWW

Lotty/Minty

you both at MFS? - we are too!! Been going there nearly 4 years now! Have 2yr 4 month old son and currently in TWW of 2nd IVF trying for 2nd (my partner is doing it this time).

Where abouts do you live then?

Terri


----------



## Mable

Good luck with testing this week Terri. Hope this is your time.
Mable


----------



## TerriWW

thanks mable - the wait is unbearable as ever!


----------



## Mable

Yes I bet! Especially the closer you get to testing. Really really dreading my next 2ww. I was an emotional wreck.


----------



## SJ*

Hello - hope you can help? Just found this website thru Gingerbeer.

We've been given a choice of NHS hospitals to go to for my partner to have DIUI - it's our 'free' cycle on the nhs - but I can't find any info on them - the hospitals are in Surrey:

Royal Surrey
St Peters, CHertsey
Frimley Park

Does anyone here know where I can find more info so that we can make an informed choice? 

We were wanting to go to the Nuffield in Woking as its got an ok rep and it's about 5 mins from where we live, but not an option on the NHS unless you can make a strong case for it, I think - but grateful for any info you can give?

Cheers, SJ


----------



## lotty1

Hi Terri yeah at MFS but have to travel from Leeds not that bad really. 
Good Luck with ya TWW its so hard the wait.
Hi Minty i did go today as planned so now on tww, did you go also?


----------



## crazycat

Hi SJ

I am not completely up to date but if you go to the HFEA website www.hfea.gov.uk you can request their guide which describes different clinics and their success rates, that info may even be on the website. 

Welcome and good luck

Heather


----------



## mintyfaglady

Yay Lottie! We went today too. They couldn't get us in til 11:30am so we skivved the whole day off work! It hurt a bit this time, but I've had hugely aching ovaries, so I'm hopeful I've dropped a great healthy egg. TWW here we come.

@ Terri - we travel to MFS from Hebden Bridge - not too far really. How about you? Here's hoping you won't have to go back, eh? Good luck with the testing.

@SJ - try contacting the hospitals directly too - they may have info they can send out to you. I think that a lot of the NHS stuff is contracted out to clinics that take private patients too, so they're likely to have brochures and stats and stuff. I with we got a free try in our area! Good luck with choosing.


----------



## nickster

*GOOD LUCK *  to *Lotty*, *Terri * & *Minty*!!!


----------



## lotty1

Thanks Nickster 4 ya message
Hi Minty good luck also on ya tww i am trying to avoid thinking about it but it never works! Can't believe that you went at 11.30 our paths might have crossed as our appt was 12 but got there a little earlier! but as usual just me and my partner in the waiting room! This time it went well even managed to laugh at one point so am getting a little better although i did feel ill as picked .up a cold... now feel terrible so am feeling sorry 4 myself .At least my thoughts are removed from tww a little but convinced that due to this my odds are lower....   very bad timing ! 


Hi terry how ya managing on ya 2ww?


----------



## TerriWW

No luck for us I'm afraid. Pretty upset on the day but we've both got over it quickly this time (been doing this a long time!) Just keep being so thankful for angus. We actually sat and made a plan as to how long we will try for now. We will def do the FET and 2 more IVFs then if not successful by then we will use any of our sperm remaining (we have 6 vials left) on her doing drug cycle iuis and then we will call it a day. It's still loads and loads more goes as there may be more FET from the 2 IVFs and then up to 4 iuis with the rest of the sperm but it's just good to set a limit. Fertility treatment has dominated our lives for 4  years (with a short gap whilst I was pregnant) and our lives have been on hold to some extent just waiting for our second and final baby. Well we have freed ourselves from this now and accepted it may not happen and also decided that it is fine if it doesn't happen. We've laid out a path and timescale for trying so we know there is and an end to it one way or another.

The only other thing we did discuss was that if we get to ivf number 4 we are going to find out if the HFEA would let the embryos be put back in me (as we know I can carry) so that we can consider that as an option.

Well I've rattled on a bit there!

Minty and Lotty - we are in nottingham so also have a bit of a journey to mfs but not too bad. Ju is from wakefield originally so has lots of friends in leeds. ALso isn't there some kind of festival in Hebden bridge each year - we've got another friend who knows people there and has suggested we go to this festival as it's really good?

Good luck to everyone at whatever stage you're at


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

TWW  so sorry that it wasn't your time this time. It alwasy helps me to focus having a plan B. Take careL x


----------



## PaulaB

Terriwww-Sorry to hear your news. At least you have a plan for the future. Does help i think as you know its not the end of the road. As you say having a child already makes it all bearable at these times. Take care P xxx


----------



## Mable

Very sorry to hear that Terri. What a blow, another negative. I suppose with only 30% chance of success, we should expect it to not work but it is still incredibly exhausting, draining and depressing when it doesn't work after so much effort.  to you both.

I think that we feel the same as you. I feel that life is so dominated by TTC that it takes away from life with the first child a bit and we do need to put boundaries on how much we will keep trying. We had a long conversation at the weekend about Edith doing the next go rather than me, as we know she can get pregnant with our donor and I'm just so worn out still from my last IVF shenanegans. However, with waiting lists and so on, it would delay us too much and I think I will have to do the next try. Am thinking about doing some more IUIs rather than more IVF as I responded so much to the drugs. Not decided yet.

Not easy is it. Especially when straight people all around us are falling pregnant just like that. Can't imagine how easy it would be. 

Anyway, off to visit my students on their placements.
Mable


----------



## TerriWW

I think after your experiences *Mable * I too would consider IUI. It might interest you to know that julia was on 150 units of FSH though and I remember you went straight to 300!! Which seemed a high level to start on?? But then I obviously don't have the full pic - ju seems to get around 8-10 follicles on that amount and she had 'normal' blood hormone levels. I was successfull with angus with 3-4 days on 150 units and then 75 units for until HCG day - I had 3/4 follicles but managed to talk them into continuing with the iui as I'd been at it so long!

Maybe you could always do a drug iui on 75 units and convert to ivf if you got too many follicles?

Anyway, listen to me trying to make it work for you!  I'm sure you've looked into all options.

We are actually feeling very positive at the moment as we feel we've taken control by setting some boundaries to this TCC so we're determined it's only going to constrain us financially now - not emotionally and with the rest of our lives.

Thanks everyone for your best wishes - good luck to all


----------



## SJ*

Hello - just wanted to say thank you for your help. Looks like we're going to go with one of the consultants from the Woking Nuffield, as our GP has said we can have a referral if they agree. So have been checking out the posts on the Woking Nuffield thread and all looks positive. This website/message board is fab! Have learnt loads from everyone posting... and actually more about the mechanics of IUI than I really wanted to know ..    didn't realise that it can be a bit painful!! I think maybe ignorance is bliss for my partner, who will be doing the baby bit. Although she's always sailed thru smear tests and the like. It's always me lying there with my knees pressed together!  

Just wondered - are there tests that we should get done before we see the consultant? I'm sure this must have been asked before, but haven't worked out the Search thing on this website, so if anyone is able to send me a link, thank you very much.

Best wishes,

SJ (and T-bear, who's at work at the moment)


----------



## nickidee

Hi SJ,
We got most of our tests done via our GP surgery - it was the only bit of treatment we got on the NHS so we jumped at the chance as it saved us a few hundred quid that we would have had to pay if we had had our tests done at our clinic.
We needed to have these tests to be able to proceed with treatment at our clinic:
•	FSH / LH / oestradiol / prolactin on day 2-3 of cycle
•	HIV
•	Hepatitis B antigens
•	Hepatitis C antibodies
•	Rubella – level of immunity
•	CMV IgG
•	High vaginal swab
•	Cervical swab for chlamydia
•	Cervical smear – a copy of your latest result 
Some of them may take a few weeks for the results to come through, so if you are getting them done at your GP surgery you would be better off getting them done as soon as poss if you are going for treatment in the near future.
hth
Nicki


----------



## mintyfaglady

Lottie, I can't believe we missed you! Should have stuck my head round the waiting room door on the way out! It hurt a little this time, but we're happy with the timing. Only time will tell now. 

My folks are visiting at the moment so it seemed like a good opportunity to have the We-Are-Trying-To-Have-A-Baby conversation. I mean, we've been at it for two years now, so no time like the present, eh   I figured they'd be suspicious as to why I didn't want any wine with dinner, and sure enough! Their reaction was muted, but generally positive. They didn't ask much to be honest, but I'm glad they now know. Hopefully they'll just have a couple of weeks to get used to the idea before we can tell them we're preg!


----------



## Mable

Hi Terri,
Thanks so much for trying to make it work for me! Much appreciated. I produced 80+ big follicles on 300mg menopur daily and 50 big follicles on 150mg. On 150mg alternating with 75mg I didn't produce enough big ones so it seems 150 is my dose. Was damned painful though.

I'm glad the boundaries have helped you feel more positive about the future. 

It seems that the long dilemna with Edith about whether she should take over from me now and do the next try, (which ended in not being practical because she is still breastfeeding and wants to continue) has galvanized me into positive action and I am on day 2 of cleaning up my lifestyle. Feel zinging after all my fresh juices, herbal tea, power walking and planning of acupuncture.  If it doesn't work, I'll have given it my best try.

Thoughts are still with Alison, Ju, Alex and Christopher.
Good luck to all trying at the moment,
Mable


----------



## nickidee

Hi Mable,
I did the full on detox about 3 months before starting my treatment (and have continued to date) which includes no booze, no caffeine (including cola), a very healthy and balanced diet, plenty of water and 5 times at the gym per week  . I also used the Natal Hypnotherapy IVF Companion DVD and started acupuncture after my 2nd failed IUI attempt which I will continue with until I am 12 weeks.
I conceived with my first cycle of IVF after 3 failed IUI cycles. I don't know what, if any of the above, contributed to my success but what it did help me do is reclaim some sense of purpose and contribution to a process that can otherwise leave you feeling pretty powerless.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Nicki


----------



## Veela

Looks like there's a few of us going to MFS at the moment.  Waiting for the smiley face any day now - hope it doesn't fall on Saturday again, otherwise we'll be wasting £100 cancelling.  It should be tomorrow or the next day, I think.

Sorry it didn't happen this time, Terri, and good look Minty and Lottie.


----------



## pipgirl

Hi girls..

Im another MFS'er...there are loads of us!

Veela -  im looking like smiley on saturday too...but they say its still viable to do the basting on monday am..in fact im wondering if that'l be the right timing for us because ive found temps have gone up on the second day after the smiley face...remember the time 'slot' between 12 and 36 hours is only a guideline and some peoples surges last longer than others (last time mine was smiley for two days)..

dont know what anyone else thinks bout this, but id be inclined to think the clinic wouldnt do a treatment if they thought it wouldnt work..cos they need their figures of sucess to be high in order to get more custom?

Any thoughts people?

Pip and the peesticks..

XXX


----------



## CookieSal

Hello all

I struggle to keep up with everyone on here but I wanted to drop in anyway and send you all lots of love and good wishes.

Not a lot of news from me really although I did call the hospital on Monday and the waiting list lady told me I should hear about my pre-op appointment within the next 2 months.  I am really hoping that it will be by Christmas so that I stand a chance of getting my op some time in January.  It's reasonably good news I suppose.  They told me that my wait was likely to be between 6-8 months and 6 months will be 28 December.  Of course for the likes of me, tomorrow wouldn't be soon enough (partly because I am still in pain and I am anxious as to whether or not they will be able to find out why) but also because it feels a bit like my life is on hold until we can start treatment.  Naturally when the date does come through I will go into terrified melt down and probably need to be sedated long before I get to the hospital    Poor DP Karen needs every ounce of her patience at the moment.  

So in the meantime I am looking forward to my trip to Blackpool to the L word event (29 Nov - 3 Dec) and really ought to think about starting some Christmas shopping.


----------



## Veela

Pipgirl, I thought that too, but I'm convinced we were too late.  I have now become very cynical about MFS's desire to make money.  If I get my surge on Saturday, I'll be cancelling.  I'm not wasting a thousand pounds twice.


----------



## mintyfaglady

@ Pipgirl - I'm inclined to agree with Veela. It's generally accepted that ovulation happens 24-36 hours after the LH surge. So even if you pick up the very beginning of your LH surge on a Saturday morning, it's going to be at least 48 hours before you get your insem on Monday morning. And picking up your LH surge in your urine is already putting you behind picking it up in the blood, so in all likelihood it would be even longer than that. And they tend not to have the insems booked until late morning - 10-11am....all the while you're getting further away from ovulation. As I understand it, it's better to have the sperm up there waiting for the egg to pop, rather than after. Though after can still work, the chances are significantly lower. Also, I've read that the egg can only survive for 12 hrs post ovulation, so there's a reasonable chance that's you'll have missed the boat entirely. 

I'm sure they wouldn't do a procedure that NEVER worked, and theoretically a surge on Saturday evening and an ovulation 36 hours later might just still have you in the game for a Monday insem, but if that was considered GOOD timing, wouldn't they do it like that every day of the week? Us lesbians with no fertility problems using clinics solely for the sperm give such a boost to their success statistics that I'm sure running a few fairly dud Sat surge-Mon insems wouldn't dent them much. And they have A LOT of lesbians going there.

Call me cynical, but like Veela, we won't be doing that again if we surge on Saturday, we'll be saving our money.


----------



## magsandemma

Hi all

Just wanting to wish all you girls good luck with current treatments!!

Minty  -  How you doing, you nearly halfway there now hun, how you feeling?

Maggie
xx


----------



## mintyfaglady

Ahh, bless you for remembering hon.
Am fine, ta. Had a super busy week so not had any time to obsess. Don't feel any stirrings yet, but then it'll only be a week tomorrow. Keeping cool and just...waiting. Patiently.
Lottie had tx the same day too - how you doing with the waiting Lottie?
Minty.
xxx


----------



## Veela

Got the smiley face on the ovulation kit just now.   Will be at the clinic tomorrow all being well.  Cross your fingers for me ladies.


----------



## mintyfaglady

Hurrah! Go Veela. I'm so glad you didn't hit Ovulation Sunday (do not pass go. Deposit £100).


----------



## magsandemma

Hi all

Minty  -  Good that you have been keeping busy and the first week is over, hoping the next week goes quickly for you too         

Lottie  -  Didnt realise you had tx same day, hoping that your first week has been ok and lots of         for the week to come!!

Veela  -  Good luck for tomorrow      

Maggie
xx


----------



## Veela

Really really want it to work this time.  I've been fending off 'wanting a baby' feelings each time, thinking, 'Ah well, we can always have another go,' but this time we can't.  We can just about push to one more go and then we'll be having financial problems.  It seems to make me want to be pregnant even more. 

Appointment is at 11.30.


----------



## CookieSal

Hope all went well for you Veela - sending you


----------



## Veela

Well, it was a pretty bad experience again, but not their fault really.  We got lost on the way - stupidly didn't take the directions this time, thinking we'd remember the way, so we fell out in the car and made it with five minutes to spare.  I was busting for the loo and being as I'd had to wait 45 minutes after my appointment time last time, went to the loo then drank a load of water.  Of course, this time, we were shown in straight away, so my bladder was empty.  The doctor did the insemination this time - the same one who'd done the first.  When he couldn't get it in the right place he scanned me and saw my bladder wasn't full enough.  We then had to wait in the waiting room for a while so that I could down another 6 cups of water and try again.  He poked around and eventually got it in the right place.  It hurt again but was not as bad as the first time and nowhere near as bad as the second, and he asked me to take deep breaths and do 'smokers' coughs' to help with the pain.  I'm feeling a bit tender 'down there' at the moment, but at least it's over.  Just need it to 'brew up' now.


----------



## lotty1

I am having a feeling of deju vu as i ahve wriiten this 3 times and lost the message soz this message will be shorter. I think this sums up my week disaster!
Hi Minty ya should have popped ya head around if so u would have seen me pacing the room laugh. Soz 2 hear that it hurt a little this time how ru coping on ya 2ww. Glad u survived parent conversation.
I have not really thought about 2ww as i have had a death in my family so been an emotional wreck also my friend has found out she is ill so my thoughts are somewhere else. Also had cold since treatment so if this works it will be miracle! Also had no signs of implementation bleeding so resigned to another treatment, am due another 2 b4 i see the big man so will then decide.
Thanks Magaandemma 4 ya wishes.
Hi Papergirl can't believe ur another mfs goer 
HI Veela good luck wi ya 2ww.
Hi 2 all others i have not mentioned and goodluck wi ya treatments.


----------



## pipgirl

Hello Girls.

Well...what a weekend. After worrying incessantly about surging on saturday and all the uncertainty of that, we still havent surged! Ive got the good ol' FM (sorry tmi) today (had a bit last nite as well) and this am got a neg on the clearblue digital, yet about half an hour ago did a strip test and it looks pretty strong. Hmmm usually when i pick up the surge its in the evening...dont know if i should ring the clinic today or wait till tomorrow am?

Either way itll be the 2WW in a day or two.

Pip


----------



## duff

HI Lotty, 

Sorry to hear you've had a bereavement to deal with.  Incidently, only about 20% (I don't know the actual figure) of people have any implantation bleeding, so not getting it doesn't mean it's all over!

Good luck everyone!


----------



## mintyfaglady

Well that cut the misery short - got my period tonight. It's only 10DPO! I'm seriously sick of this and starting to feel like a miserable failure. Maybe the HSG will work its magic for me next cycle, because I don't know how I'll get through Christmas otherwise.

Lottie, Veela and probably Pip by now too (and anyone else waiting that I've forgotten), it's down to you guys - BFPs all round, you hear?

Minty


----------



## Mable

Sorry to hear that Minty. It's very draining, doing IUIs back to back and getting no luck isn't it. Hope you get some time to recharge your batteries before your next surge and 2ww. Also hoping that you get some luck for your next try. How many are you going to have? 

Am starting my next IVF cycle next month - eeek! Seems awfully close now. Can't even bear to think about it although I obviously am, forced by people who keep asking and getting excited for me! Wish I could be more gracious about all this.

Good luck to everyone else on the 2ww this month.
Mable


----------



## magsandemma

Minty  -  Sorry to hear your news, look after yourself and take it easy     !

Veela & Lotty1  -  How you girls feeling, not long for you to go lotty, fingers crossed!!

Mable  -  Good Luck for the start for the start of your next IVF!!

HI to everyone I have missed, hope you are doing well, good luck whereever you are in your tx cycle     

Maggie
xx


----------



## Tonia2

Hi everyone - sorry to have been a stranger for a bit. It's been taking me longer to get over bfn's more recently... 

*Mable * - so nice to hear from you - and to hear you're getting ready to go again next month! It comes up quickly sometimes, then other times it simply drags. Good luck! I'm so glad they generally have your dosages sorted out now so you won't have to go through months of horrid down-regging like last time.   I'm so hoping you get a good run this time and the magic pot of gold at the end. You've been through so much. 

Good luck* Minty & Veela & Pip & Lotty! * I'll pull my finger out soon and amend the big list, and sit down & sort out a 2ww list for us ttc'ers! Please let me know when you're all planning to test.  Is there anyone else out there lurking who's 2wwing??

We had a novel development last week. We ended up having a one-off shot at ttc with a known donor!!  A friend of Bron's from another state was down on holiday and they (couple) have been following our ttc progress for a bit, and he decided to donate for us, over many conversations and more than one bottle of wine! They have 3 kids and he is planning on a vascestomy soon, so it was now or never. So we did the deed on their last night/ morning here, before they flew out. I did a bit of research to plan it and advise him, and the known donor thread here ended up being most helpful- thanks girls!! We all laughed alot! 
BUT we did it at the only time we could and I was hoping I'd ovulate a day or two later - in normal circumstances I would have, but it was following a fresh IVF cycle, so it's taken me more than a few days to get back into a normal rhythm, and I haven't had any ewcm til this last Sunday.    So unless he has bionic sperm that can last a week or more, we have a snowflakes chance in hell.  So, I'm feeling a bit disapointed after the exciting anticipation of it all. I certainly don't feel like I'm on a 2ww and instead am planning the timing of my next AF (ie in two weeks) to try and work out if I can fit a FET in before Christmas. So disappointing. 
Maybe we should move states so we could give it a go more regularly before he gets the chop....

That's all my news! 

Hi ya *CookieSal! * I hope you're not getting too frustrated waiting, you poor love. It would drive me insane.  It's nice hearing from you. 

Tonia
xx


----------



## CookieSal

Hey Tonia

Really good to hear from you, sorry about your disappointment. Hope you get the chance for an FET before Christmas.

Today is a rubbish day for me.  I've been crying on and off since last night, am convinced they are going to find something horrible when they do my lap (other than the stupid broid of course) and as for the waiting, I am losing my sanity rapidly.  I tried calling the hospital today to see if I could get my pre-op done ready in case of cancellations (especially around Christmas time etc) but was given a big fat NO so being the mature rational person I am, I burst into tears.  The poor lady on the phone told me to go back to my GP (who as we know is showing minimal interest in finding out the cause of my pain) or failing that to phone my Consultant's secretary and see if I can get an appointment and then be prioritised by him.  I just don't think it will happen though.  My fibroid is considered small and simply inconveniently placed for fertility tx and the cause of the abdo pain is unknown and seemingly not considered serious.

If anyone can advise me as to what to do I would be incredibly grateful.  I haven't been able to go to work today as I can't stop crying.  I feel like the ultimate failure on all levels.    

Sally x


----------



## PaulaB

Cookiesal-I just wanted to say i am so sorry you are having to go through all of this. I needed a hysteroscopy a while back and i made contact with the consultants secretary. I was very nice to her and explained how hard it was waiting and not being able to progress with treatment and just the pain involved in fertility treatment in general without there being any other waiting. She said she would try for a cancellation and i must admit i called nearly every day. But i got a cancellation in the end so dont give up trying. I am assuming going private is not an option as of course its all much quicker. I know cost is always a factor but if you are in pain physically and emotionally then perhaps it is still worth it. If your gp is rubbish then change gp. I put up with an arrogant women hating one who thought nothing f telling me being gay meant i sholud reconsider having a child. Looking back i cant believe what i put up with. When i moved and changed gp i was amazed at how different it was. I see whom ever is available but i have had various blood tests and the hysteroscopy done on the nhs as a result of asking nicely and being very firm that it is my right. They have been very good and supportive. Especially the female ones who just understand more. I hope you can get it sorted sooner. Good luck. I was sure there would be something on my hysteroscopy but it was fine. Just try to keep pressing it in the friendliest terms and if you can get a better gp then do. It makes a real difference. P xxxx


----------



## mintyfaglady

Ah,   to you Cookie Sal - the waiting is bad enough, but waiting in pain, and struggling to find any caring professionals must really suck. Hang in there and, like Paula said, don't give up on asking for a cancellation.

Tonia, good to see you back. Your random known donor shot was a turn up. Sorry though that the timing looks bad. Stranger things have happened though.

I'm CD2 again and just booked in to get an HSG done as well as another unmedicated IUI this cycle. We're really hoping it works, because if not we'll be missing the following cycle as I'm due to ovulate on Xmas Day! I think we'll be pushing for meds if this one doesn't work.

Any news from you others - testing must be soon!

Minty
xxx


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## lotty1

Short message as on lunch as per bfn   sORRY mINTY 4YA
GOOD LUCK all
Got Period 2 days early!!!


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## CookieSal

Thanks for your support ladies.  I am trying to drag myself out of this but I feel I have lost my strength at the moment.  Surely it can't be too much longer to wait.    

Seriously considering calling my consultant's secretary tomorrow to see if I can maybe get an appointment to speak to him.  If he could reassure me about my symptoms then I would relax a bit and if he is concerned then he could perhaps bump me up the list a bit.  Not sure I'm allowed to ask for another appt though  

Please tell me tx isn't as hideous as this.


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## mintyfaglady

Oh Lottie love - so sorry.


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## CookieSal

I'm sorry too Lotty (sorry I was being too self absorbed and didn't see your post before).  Sending you lots of love. xx


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## blueytoo

*Mable* - great to see you are getting ready to go again and I know what you mean about not bearing to think about it. I going into denial-ville from as soon as I know when my next cycle will be. I then stay in denial until its all over.  Sometimes its the only way to cope!

*Tonia* - good to see you back hun, fingers crossed for the bionic sperm. Did you get my pm??

Hi to everyone else

Claire xx


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## Pilchardcat

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=120243.new#new

New thread...............


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