# Struggling with failed cycles



## MM86 (Nov 13, 2015)

Hi everyone, 

Don't post much on here but thought I may as well give it a try to see if anyone else's experiences could help me. 

I have had 6 failed cycles (4 full cycles and 2 FET) and have been doing IVF for 2 years. We have tried various different things, including, Accupuncture, intralipids and PGS and even moved to a different clinic. We still have 3 euploid embryos frozen and another full cycle paid for, but I can't shake the feeling that there is something else wrong that has not been identified yet and we are wasting our time doing the treatment. 

I know that is irrational as I know there is always a chance of each cycle resulting in a pregnancy, but it really feels like if the treatment was going to work it would have by now. The consultant keeps saying that there is no reason why it won't work as I have 3 good embryos and am still young (30 years old), but I just feel so hopeless. 

The worst part about this whole situation for me is that I feel like my life has been put on hold the past few years. While I'm still doing treatment I'm in limbo and can't move forward with any of the other aspects of my life like my career. 

I know I need to just get over this overwhelming hopeless feeling and get my head straight for my next cycle in January, but I'm just finding it so hard. Has anyone else experienced the same? I would be grateful of any advice or any similar experiences. 

Thanks Ladies xx


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## Sonneblume (Jul 4, 2014)

Hi I know you are feeling MM86.
I just wanted check if you've had a hystroscopy as other things can be picked, like adhesions, scar tissue, signs of infection etc. They can also do cuts which help with implantation. It can be very well expensive in the UK.Abroad the clinics look inside with infertility inmind. The only clinic I have used is Serum Greece, rather daunting to go abroad but many women do it. I had paid private to see a specialist here but it thousands and said it would take 5 minutes to look, but not treat, just diagnostic. There  are several other clinic in Europe that offer this too. You don't have to have IVF to use the service. Some women have a test where they sent Menstral blood over to  be tested for infections not tested the UK. I did not do this...
Also there the Evra test done in a few places but the cheapest is Coventry, which is a similar that takes a biopsy to look at the optimal time to transfer the embryo. I've seen some success from the Serum ladies. To find out details look in the search tab for Evra or google it. Seems to be the latest approach but at first there was only a few clinic doing it, and some women were going to a Paris as it was still too expensive in London. Immune test is another option very expensive but some have had success. There a few immune boards on here too.
I hope you can find the strength to find the answers to a future success x


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## aussielis (Nov 26, 2014)

Hello there
I know the feeling same amount as you, 4 with own eggs and 2 failed embryo cycles.


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

MM86- I am sorry you are going through this. I can't help really, but I think you should consider yr treatment and/or additional testing at (overseas) clinics with best success rates in the country. Good luck


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## Aley (Dec 13, 2016)

I'll jump on! 

I hate the words 'failed cycles' but somehow my life lately seem to be all about it.. I am a 30 year old woman, recently married with the love of my life, I have a nice home, a good job although very stressful and in general what others will say, a good life...but I am not happy. I have 2 failed IVF cycles and for me it feels like hell. I know many of the women here have been through much more pain, more failed cycles and more heartaches and I look of all you with admiration and I hope I'll have the same strength to move on but it's so hard. I always wanted children and there was a time when I was hoping to have not one but 5, a house full of children, a lot of noise, headaches and joy. 
For us going to the clinic was something expected, we are 2 women, no sperm, let's give ourselves the best chances we said, let's go to a clinic and do it properly, it will save us countless tryings at home. Too bad sometimes things don't go as planned. We tried once, we were so happy, the follicles were growing and we were thinking we will have embabies to freeze and have siblings too! End of round one, a big fat you're not pregnant and nothing to freeze. That's ok, we'll try again, we'll change the protocol and hope for the best. End of round two no baby and no more hope either. 
Round two however came with a surprise, 3 frozen embryos. We're planning on a fet in 3 months time but I just can't be positive about it. I keep thinking it's going to fail, those are day 6 blasts, I wasn't successful with a day 5, a day 6 is surely going to fail. I just can't stop the negative thoughts. I looked into everything so far, adoption, changing the clinic, go to another country, put all 3 embryos together!!! I think I am just not sane anymore tbh. I keep thinking of alternatives just to put me down again and say it's not going to work anyway. 
How can I change this negativity? I just don't know. All I want is a kid, I abandoned the 'house full of kids' dream, one child it's all I ask for now. 
Sorry for the rant, I wish I had some positive things to say. 
I hope you'll get your bfp soon, MM86,  you're definitely not alone in this. Good luck with your next cycle!


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

I haven't had as many failed ivf cycles as many of you, but I'll be starting my forth treatment in jan/Feb. I can totally relate to how you all feel. 
I sort of feel cheated as dh and I put ourselves through so much about deciding to take the donor route after his NOA diagnosis 
There wasn't supposed to be anything wrong with me. Now it feels we have gone from the most explainable reason in the book for our infertility, to being completely unexplained! 
I know it's often a numbers game but it's so very hard
Sending you all love and strength xx


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## Emgirl_uk (Oct 21, 2016)

Yes I also know exactly how you feel. I've just had a bpn for my 3rd try with Icsi and each time my eggs have been getting fewer and fewer- I only had 2 this time so I just feel like time is running out. I'm 35 but have DOR. I've been ttc since I was 31 which seemed young at the time, but now I just think of all those years I wasted because we weren't 'ready'. This time ( after a bfn) just feels so hopeless, just knowing how much more waiting there is to come. I think we're just have gonna have to try naturally for a while while we save up for whatever we decide to do next, but that just feels hopeless too. I know exactly what you mean about life on hold. I've decided to get a new job and try to make myself a bit happier in that area of life. If by a miracle I got pregnant and didn't get my full maternity pay then I think I'd just be so delighted at this miracle that I'd find a way to make it work. If that's what it takes! 
I've been having some therapy recently and my new mantra is 'be kind to yourself'. Do nice things, don't feel guilty about buying something or doing something that you enjoy and just try to take it easy. 
Sending everybody good luck for this next year xxx


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## theresah (Mar 27, 2013)

I am so glad I am not the only one struggling and feeling like I am going a little insane!  

We have just had our 3rd PGD failed attempt (1 IVF fresh failed before that) and like others I am struggling with the negative result.  We too have put our life on hold for the best part of 10 yrs as thats how long we have been on this journey.  I am feeling so upset by the outcome and so negative about it all, I just cannot feel positive atm about our next FET.  I'm fed up of pumping my body with drugs with no positive outcome and feel like I want to enjoy lfie for a bit but then feel so desperate to have a baby that I don't want to let go either.  It is sending me ever so slight crazy!

I read on the Robert Winston website (Genesis) that women who have experienced miscarriage and/or eptopic pregnancy are likely to be suffering from PTSD.  I think this is really interesting because failed IVF treatment affects you so hugely that I'm not surprised by the article at all.

I feel really low at the moment to the extent that I'm finding it hard to sleep, motivate myself to do anything, enjoy my job which I actually do love and feel guilty for the way I feel when like someone else said others see you as having a good life!  I have a wonderful life, a nice home, a fantastic marriage to my husband, a gorgeous dog, a lovely family and a good job BUT the one thing I want more than anything is missing and I'm left with nothing but loss and heartbreak.  It's so hard and I have taken reassurance from seeing this thread. xx


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## aussielis (Nov 26, 2014)

sorry to hear that i also too have put my life on hold sux to not be able to buy a new car and go out and have fun. big hugs xx


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## MM86 (Nov 13, 2015)

Thanks everyone for the replies! I started my next FET cycle 2 weeks ago been trying not to think too much about the outcome of this cycle because I feel like I will just drive myself mad if I do! So I have barely been on this forum since I wrote my post and it's very comforting to know that other people are going through the same as it sometimes felt like no one else understood. 

I am feeling a lot better now, as I've come to terms with the fact that the treatment may never work and there's not much more I can do than get on with my treatment and hope for the best as I've already had every test under the sun and been to 2 clinics. So I'm just keeping my hopes up but I now feel like I know that I will still be ok if we don't get the result we want. But I obviously still really hope we have a positive outcome this time! 

Wishing you all the best of luck xxxx


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## Berry77 (May 29, 2015)

Hi MM86,

Most of us passed through the same feelings, I know how difficult it can be. But what I see is that you are really a strong woman and you don't lose hope and this is what matters. Did you try all of the treatments in the same clinic? Because sometimes it can be better to have another doctor's point of view. Also almost all clinics offer a free therapists. Good luck


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

I am actually second to Berry77. Have you discussed with yr docs at both clinics why you can't get pregnant?


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## theresah (Mar 27, 2013)

MM86 - like you I haven't been on for a little while.  I hope and pray this is your time xx

AFM - we are putting all treatment on hold until next year as my body physically needs a break and emotionally I knew i wasn't feeling robust enough to manage even the actual cycle.  I had hoped my feeling of heartbreak would go over time but I actually feel depressed so I have booked for fertility counselling at our clinic.  Never thought I would need it but I guess we all have our limits.  My brother is having a baby in June and I think thats a big factor in how I'm feeling.  I really want to feel happy in myself again and enjoy being an aunt when their baby arrives but atm I am scared I won't be able to.  I'm hoping the counselling will help.


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