# When to tell older child of pregnancy after secondary infertility and age gap?



## VicksterM (Jun 12, 2016)

We finally managed to conceive after secondary infertility and 5 years TTC but are now very nervous about telling our 6 year old in case something goes wrong. Have had a late MC previously that he doesn't know about and even now don't want him to have to deal with that.... Anyone have any tips/suggestions?

Also, any suggestions on how to deal with the age gap? I know any age gap can work but just wonder if anyone has ideas as 6 years feels like a lot so want to see how to make it work.

Thank you for reading and good luck in your journeys!


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## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

hi vicksterm, 

My position was slightly different as my LO was only 2. I had also had a few mcs at that point. i kind of tbought 9 months is a long time for a young child. So i waited until at least 20 weeks and when i was showing. Even then, the next 20 weeks were very long for my LO

I hope everything goes well and you come to a decision that is good fr you all. 

xxx


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## Blueestone (Feb 28, 2015)

Hi

If this is successful I will have an age gap of 13yrs! Still not telling her til after the 12 week scan though - just in case as it would break her heart if it didn't progress - she has no idea about the journey I've been on and won't if if doesn't happen...
Blue


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## ~Sapphire~ (Apr 14, 2008)

Hi,

Congratulations. Wishing you a very successful and uneventful pregnancy.

There is a six year age gap between my two girls.  My girls do play together sometimes but generally only when the older one wants to. They also still argue like siblings do but I don't think they do as much as they may do if they were closer in age.  The biggest plus I found was that when my youngest was a baby I got to spend time alone with her whilst her big sister was at school and some quality time with the older one after little one was in bed.  It is also good in that, as she is older and a bit more responsible, I can trust her to help look after her sister when we are out and I don't feel like I have to keep an eye on two little ones potentially wondering off in different directions. It can be difficult sometimes if we are planning things to do to find something that suits them both, particularly at the moment with my eldest too old for soft play places but it is still somewhere my little one would like to go.  Although I didn't plan for there to be six years between my children I wouldn't have it any other way now - it has been fab really. 

There is also seven years between me and my brother and, although we did used to argue when we were younger, we actively seek to spend time together now we are adults.

When it came to telling my eldest that she was having a little sibling we didn't until 12 weeks but that was because we knew she would be upset as she had always said she didn't want a brother or sister but she was ok when she got used to the idea and when she found out she definitely wasn't getting a brother!

Again, wishing you well.

S xx


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## VicksterM (Jun 12, 2016)

Thank you so much for the messages  Jdm, Blueestone and Sapphire. I think I'll tell him either at 12 or 20 weeks, providing I get that far! Just really want to protect him from it going wrong if I can but also not have so long to wait, as he's so impatient! I just don't know how he'll respond. He used to ask about a sibling all the time, but I think has long realised it's getting less likely. 

Sapphire - I can see some of it being quite a juggle due to very different interests but good to know the positives you've experienced, including with your brother. I did think that might be the case that it would change as he grows up. Fingers crossed it all works out!

Good luck with your treatment Blueestone and with your families Sapphire and JDM.

X


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## Wriggler (Sep 3, 2016)

Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months x

My eldest is 12 at the end of this month, slightly different as she knows we are pursuing IVF. I have a 21m old and she's a little mummy, it's a positive relationship and she loves her sister to bits. There is a 6 year gap however between her and my other daughter and they have a similar relationship to Sapphire's description. I think it's a lovely gap, old enough to understand and appreciate a sibling but young enough to play together (when older one says so lol ). I'm sure your little guy is going to be beyond excited when the time comes that you are ready to tell him x


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## VicksterM (Jun 12, 2016)

Thank you Wriggler!

We actually told him when we had a 12 week scan - same as you Sapphire - we took him with us and he was so excited, bless him! I'm not sure how long that will last when he's living with a little baby, but hopefully they will get on well. He's so excited to tell people the news - just need to make sure all continues smoothly with the pregnancy.

X


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