# DD distraught over soft toy she gave to sibling!



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi all
Hope everyone is well and have enjoyed the weekend. I don't get chance to post much these days but wondered if anyone else has experienced similar to this, and whether you all think it's adoption related or an ordinary thing to occur in families.
A year ago, our 2nd DD arrived home  And beforehand we prepared DD1 (MissBoo) well in advance. She had been all very excited about the prospect of getting a new baby sister, so in the last couple of weeks before we met Babyroo, I asked her if she'd like to choose one of her toys to give to her new sister as a welcome present. I didn;t put any pressure on at all, and if she'd have been reluctant, we wouldn't have forced her, it was totally her decision as to whether she wanted to give anything at all, and if she did the choice of toy was totally hers. But as it was, she was excited and proud as punch to choose this spotty dog out of her thousands of soft toys, and couldn't wait to give it to her little sister when they first met.
So, since then this spotty dog has been among Babyroo's soft toys in her bedroom. And this morning, after a year of not having possession of it, Missboo spotted it and reclaimed it! I didn't really pay any attention to that fact she has brought it downstairs, she quite often brings a toy from her sisters room to add to the toybox downstairs. Just after tea, she was cuddling it and Babyroo tried to snatch it back (like toddler's do) and I said to Missboo, "when you've had a cuddle give doggy back to Babyroo" - the reply and tirade of emotions that followed stunned us both! "He's mine, and I've missed him!" - she squeezed him tightly and started whaling and sobbing  
So I said to her "Do you remember when Babyroo came to live with us and you chose Doggy to give to her?" - she nodded through her tears, so I said "well Doggy is her present, you gave it to her, you can't change your mind" - more hysterics followed. 
I gave her 15 minutes tantrum time (!!) and had enough! Well, I am sorry but at nearly 6 years of age to be having a screaming fit over a toy that you havent seen for a year, and it was never even a special toy to her, it was never among her favourites to start with. I wasn't standing for anymore noise!  
I asked her to come over to me, which she did, clinging on to the dog for dear life, and I said to her "You gave Doggy to Babyroo as a present and now you've changed your mind, right? Well Mummy bought you Monkey (one of her favourites) as a present, would you think it'd be fair if I changed my mind and took him back from you?" She thought for a couple of minutes and shrugged her shoulders. So I told her to think about it and come back to me with a decision, she can hand back doggy, or she loses monkey! 
She sat herself down on the sofa, and was hugging and squeezing this toy so tightly, and saying in a quiet voice to it "I love you, I miss you" !!!!!!! - now she has never talked to her toys until this point so we didn't know where to put ourselves!
She eventually came back to me, and said that she'd like to keep monkey and doggy can go back in Babyroo's room. I gave her a hug and told her that she can still cuddle the toy anytime she likes but it's not hers to keep so she has to give it back.
She's gone to bed happy enough now, but it makes me wonder, has this produced a flashback to anxieties a year ago, and it's not so much the toy she particularly wants?
It was as though she'd lost her most treasured teddybear that she'd slept with since a baby and then suddenly found him again. Now that, I could understand, I'd feel that emotionally attached to my teddybear if he rose from the ashes again! 
But maybe this is more stemming from sibling rivalry?
There are loads of different toys that were Missboo's originally but were passed to Babyroo when she arrived and she's never batted an eyelid over those. I don't get why this one sparked such a reaction.

Has anyone had similar??


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

No advise hun however think you handle this very well

Hugs

xxxx


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Hi

Sorry, having only one LO I cannot offer any advice but just wanted to say I also think you handled the situation very well.

Maybe you are right and it has triggered something in her memory but maybe it was nothing more than wanting something her sister had?


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## Dee.Dee.32 (Dec 6, 2008)

Sorry - can't offer any advice but like the other ladies just wanted to say how well I think you handled the situation


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Thanks ladies!
I'm starting to hate that Doggy toy! This morning Missboo produced it from the toybox and because Babyroo grabbed another soft toy, Missboo didn't hesitate in saying "Would you like to swap? You can keep that one, and I'll keep Doggy!" I soon put an end to that!!!

I am in doubt that once Babyroo can answer for herself there'll be more tantrums and tears from both sides over toys. 

Oh, the joys!!


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