# Initial consultation with clinic - will they be harder on single women?



## blush (Nov 23, 2009)

hey everyone,

i am a single woman planning on using donor sperm and going through LWC london.  however i am scared about the consultation - what sort of stuff do clinics demand before they allow you to go ahead with the treatment? do i need to have thousands of pounds saved up (i don't)? or is it enough that you are a responsible, sane (well, most days  ) woman whose only wish it is to have a child of her own?

what sort of questions do they ask, i am scared i will mess the initial consultation up and that they would not allow me to go through with IUI because i am not rich.  this may sound silly, or it may be true.  i have no friends who have used this method, in fact most of my friends are childless and happy that way...

please help me relax a little about my consultation. i haven't booked it yet for fear of not getting it right!

much love x x


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## 9£Bundle (Nov 18, 2009)

Hiya Blush,

I had the very same concerns & posted similar Q's earlier this week. But have been really reasured by FF responses.   I'm sure some of the more informed FFs will be along soon to pass on their knowledge & experience. 

I'll try and post the link so you can see what I've been told so far. But bare with me, I still get a little lost on these boards.   Ahem!

9£Bundle


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## 9£Bundle (Nov 18, 2009)

Hope this works - page 8 is where I came in. There is also a meet p in London on 19th. Hope you can join us all.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=207288.105

9£B


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## upsydaisy (May 9, 2009)

Hiya Blush  

That link worked fine 9£B haven't got a clue how to do it myself   .

As people said on the intro thread there really isn't anything to worry about regarding the initial consultation.  I bombarded the consultant with all this stuff about what an upstanding member of the community I was but I don't remember him asking me a thing about my background, finances etc etc.  All he was interested in were my blood test results  .  These are medical people who deal with medical facts and figures so me blathering on about what a good male role model my brother would be felt a bit silly  .  I did have to see a counsellor but she was fab. The only person you really have to justify yourself to will be any child you eventually create.  
I can't promise you that you wont need thousands of pounds.  I spent a couple myself and I was one of the very lucky ones.  
When you consider some of the other options open to  single woman who want a family we are actually acting incredibly responsibly but unfortunately how far your can travel on this journey is often dictated by the size of your bank balance  
Good luck with the consultation, once your get round to booking it 
Upsy
xxx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

lWC are well used to dealing with single women and lesbians so you won't be looked down upon at all. why not go to one of the open days and then I believe if you book an appt you get it free, many clinics do open days telling people about their clinic. As for costs I haven't been to LWC - Rose and Suity are pts there so can help with that side of things, as well as their website.
Good Luck


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## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

Hi Blush

I have my first consultation at the Lister tomorrow so I will let you know how that goes if you like?

I am more worried about what they'll say about my blood test results, but trying not to think the worst.  I'm taking a friend with me though in case I can't remember everything they tell me!! 

Hope you can make it on 19th  

GIA xx


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## Grace10704 (Aug 7, 2008)

LWC are great - as Upsy says they are medical people so actually are more concerned with giving you the medical information you need to make an informed decision & checking out your blood test results.  The only downside I found was their counsellor - I found out more about her than she did about me!  Its only really when you see her that you need to think through some of your responses but she did seem more interested in whether I had thought about things like male role models rather than whether I was a "fit" parent.  Go for it Blush!!!!  And good luck GIA for tomorrow x


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## acrazywench (Jul 26, 2009)

Hi Blush, 

Don't worry about your consultation. I found my consultation very reassuring - I even learnt the new phrase 'solo parent' instead of 'single mother'! If you do go to an open day you get a good discount on your consultation. (I went to my consultation first and the open day the next day and they gave me the discount even though I didn't really know about it.)

I had my initial scan and consultation on the same day and then had the counselling session a couple of weeks later. I was a bit worried about the counselling session - particularly as I had to go to a work event immediately after - but it was fine. The counsellor just explores your decision with you but it's not done in a critical way. 

I would advise getting as many of your tests as possible done through your GP as that can save you a few hundred pounds. The only ones I had done through LWC were HIV (as my GP advised me not to have it done through them so that it wouldn't be on my records) and chlamydia as I needed the ok on that before my hycosy (a test LWC will do before doing IUI to check that your tubes aren't blocked). 

Feel free to pm me if you want more detailed info (breakdown of costs, questions counsellor asked, etc.).

Take care.

xx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Just to add to the already excellent advice and comments...

LWC will not be concerned about you being single per se. The consultant will be more focused on the medical aspects and at the initial meeting they will focus on this. They certainly won't ask about your savings or anything like that - as far as they are concerned, you wouldn't be there if you didn't have the money to pay them!

They are obliged to complete a form saying they are happy you would offer good parenting (not the right terminology but that's effectively what it is). Process for this seems to be that you meet with counsellor and then they sign it. My personal experience of the counsellor (at LWC) was that it was a complete waste of time - I had thought through everything very clearly beforehand and was well aware of the implications (eg on the child, what you will tell them etc) of using donor sperm, and of the importance of strong support networks etc...there wasn't anything she said which added to or developed my thinking - I felt like I was always 2 steps ahead of her (but then I always did like to be prepared  )

But overall, and this is a pretty blunt way to look at it, but it's also true, LWC (like all fertility clinics) is a business which is essentially interested in taking your money/making a profit. So as long as you pay their bills, they are not going to demand bank statements or other proof of your 'suitability' to be a mother...

Think someone else suggested it, but going along to one of their free Inseminars is a good idea, and you then get a half price consultation, so it's worth it just for that - check out the dates on their website, think they are pretty frequent

Best of luck!
Suitcase
x


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## blush (Nov 23, 2009)

wow, thank you all so much!  feel a little reassured, now i just have to work out the costs before arranging a loan with my bank!

and GIA - i would love to hear how your appointment goes. good luck 

x x to all


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## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

Hi Blush

Just wanted to let you know that everyone at my appointment was lovely.  Nobody even asked about my marital or financial status.
You'll see that I've put a separate post up about my feelings after, but that is nothing to do with the clinic or how I was treated.

My next step is to choose a sperm donor  

Feeling terrified about it all though, I can't deny it!  

Take care and look forward to meeting you (and everyone else) on 19th Dec.

GIAxx


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## starbuck (Apr 12, 2009)

Blush

I'm also at LWC.  I emailed them in advance and they happily mailed me back all their costs.  The open day didn't tell me anything new but well worth it for the half price consultation. 

You can get all the standard STD tests like HIV and clymidia from an NHS sexual health clinic  - nothing goes on your GP records and its free.  I went to Dean's Street in London and they were excellent.

Starbuck
x


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## blush (Nov 23, 2009)

thank you for that starbuck. i will definitely go to a sexual health clinic instead - great tip!  i can get on with that right away...

could i be a real pain and ask exactly what tests i should be asking for at the sexual health clinic? i'm sorry to be so clueless about all this...

thanks


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## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

Hi Blush,

The tests are had done were;

HIV
Hep B and C
Rubella
Chlamydia
Smear test
High vaginal swab   (Not exactly sure what that was for, but the nurse said as I was going for IVF and she was "down there" anyway, she might as well do it!!!)

However, I did have all those done at my GPs so I'm not 100% the clinic would do all of those. Others may know.  Still, I would just go and ask for a complete check up and then if there are any tests they don't do, get your GP to do them.

Hope that helps  

GIA xx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Think sexual health clinic will def do chlamydia and HIV
Not sure about the Hep ones and rubella though
Smear test you should have as standard through GP anyway?

Have a look here for more info on GUM clinics:

http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/972.aspx?CategoryID=68&SubCategoryID=153

Suitcase
x


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## Jammy J (Sep 28, 2009)

Hi all, 

Im about to go through the same thing myself so it is really interesting reading your your stories on here.  Its good to hear that you are not treated differtly as a single woman,
I am having bloods done in a couple of weeks, then counsellor then I guess I will be ordering my sperm, its all very scary though..

Regards
JAH


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## Grace10704 (Aug 7, 2008)

Jah - scary but the best scary decision I ever made!!! Good luck for the next few steps - just take each step as it comes & the scariness becomes more manageable!


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## Jammy J (Sep 28, 2009)

Thankyou for your advice Grace, thats what I keep telling myself, one step at a time and hopefully it will all fit into place..

Many thx
JAH


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