# I need help with jealousy



## honeypots (Apr 18, 2010)

Hi ladies,

Me and my DH have been trying for a baby for 3 years now with no success. I have been on the waiting list for IVF nearly 9 months now. When I went to the doctors to ask what was happening she said I had been struck off from a missed appointment in may because they sent it to the wrong address! I was really angry because I had changed my address in November with both the hospital and the doctors, I made sure of it.  




Anyway. My DH's brother and girlfriend (who live next door to us) have announced that they are having a baby. It's early days yet and I am so happy for them, yet I am already feeling rather jealous. My mind is playing tricks on me, I keep thinking that maybe I am pregnant and having vivid dreams, so much so that I just had to do a couple of tests which were negative and then brought me back down to earth.  


They have already designated me as no 1 babysitter and said I will be called Auntie which I am flattered about, but can I really deal with it when it comes to it? I love children but I'm scared i will get too attached to their child because I fear I cannot have my own.  

So far I have shown that I am really happy for them but told them I feel a bit jelous, which I suppose is OK? 


Is the way to go to be open and honest with them but stress that I will always be there for them and not to hide anything from me for fear that I will be upset?

Need some guidance here xxx


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## DippyGirl (Mar 10, 2005)

Hi Honeypots, I didn't want to read and run you might find something helpful here http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=263394.0

the emotional and relationship support thread is a great place to talk through these feelings, we all have them, you'll get some good advice there.  
D x


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## Littlegwen (May 15, 2011)

Hi Honeypots,

I think your response is entirely normal, at least I hope so because I have similar feelings about close friends who have had children.  My brother and his wife are sadly in a similar situation to us and my DH's brother's wife (!) had a child when she was very young and refuses to have any more, so I don't know exactly how you feel.

I've always found it difficult to get started with meeting the baby etc.  However, the baby that I now feel most comfortable with belongs to parents who basically handed the baby to me as soon as I walked through the door.  One then went off to make the tea and the other went off to do something else, this left me holding the baby and didn't give me the opportunity to hand it back when it started to cry or when I started to feel inadequate - I just had to get on with it and I didn't have an audience. This couple had been trying for a long time to have a baby, they'd also suffered miscarriage and had to go through IVF twice.  This meant they understood how I felt without me having to explain that although I'm happy for them it's still very, very hard to be close to other peoples babies.

I'm rubbish at talking to people about things I find difficult, hopefully you might be a bit better at it(!) especially if it's a family member.  If they understand that you find it difficult it might help them to help you.  About getting too attached - it's your niece/nephew, can you be too attached to your niece/nephew?!  Infertility is difficult and you've just had rubbish news from the doctor (hopefully they've rectified things).  IMO I think you need to give yourself a break, your response is normal and it's normal to feel jealous - it doesn't automatically mean you're going to turn into a crazy lady that runs off with other peoples babies  

Gwen


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