# I am an emotional wreck - please help me!



## hope42011! (Jul 26, 2010)

I havent started treatment yet, just waiting for a recipient to be matched for us to egg share. I thought I was fine, really excited for our treatment, really hopeful and even allowing myself to dream about the future. 
Today, I went to see my freind and her neighbour, who I am aquainted with but wouldnt class as a freind, came round. There was a bit of awkwardness and i didnt know why, anyway after about half an hour my freind turns to her and says, aren't you going to tell her then she said oh, dont you know and i was like know what she said oh I am having a baby! Now normally i would be happy and it has never been a problem for me but this woman has no job her partner has no job they live on benefit and they already have a daughter who has to have dinner at my freinds sometimes because she doesnt have food in her cupboards! I managed to grimice a smile, swiftly scooped up my nephew, made some excuses that it was his nap time etc etc and left. Now i am in floods of tears and i cant stop! My freind could have warned me, she didnt have to keep it secret and treat it like this big reveal when i wasnt prepared. She said 'i knew you would be ok because at the end of the day you have to get over it'! God i am so hurt. I am petrified that my treatment wont work and it will be like the start of things again when i have to sit and watch other people with their bumps and other people with the children. I feel like i am being ridiculous but i cant help it, i feel really mad that she can have a baby and i cant. I dont think i will be able to go to my freinds house again until i get my bfp. I wish i could be happy for her but i cant be, its so unfair. I havent felt like this for ages, i thought i had dealt with all this emotional stuff but now i cant stop cryiong! I think it because i am so close to treatment and while i have been very positive up till now i am very aware that our treatment could fail and i am thinking, what if it does, how will i be able to stand seeing her proudly parading her bump and then her baby? I am just really scared and confused and i dont think my other half gets it. He is like, we cant stop other people having babies, whatever problems we are having is for us to deal with. But i wish i was her, I wish she was the one having problems and them i feel guilty for that, its all such a mess in my head. This is the only place i could think of to come, need to get things off my chest somewhere that i wont be judged. Is this normal leading up to treatment? I just feel like no one really understands what I feel like, what I am going through but then I feel needy and selfish for feeling like that!


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## Mish3434 (Dec 14, 2004)

Hi Hope,

The way you describe how you feel seems very normal to me    .  I was never one to feel jealous of other peoples pregnancies I used to feel pleased for others but a little upset that it wasn't me iykwim.  However occasionally someone would tell me they where pregnant and I would be filled with so much sorrow, I would have to go away and sob my heart out, it was very random and like I say most of the time it never bothered me.  I think the worst one was my sister at 38 announcing her unplanned pregnancy for some reason that one really did hurt    it took me until her 20 week scan and her finding that something could be wrong with the baby (she was fine though   ) to stop me feeling so jealous of her situation.

My other half never got it either, he couldn't see why it upset me sometimes.  Even now if I watch something on IVF it will have me in floods of tears I hate to see others going through the pain I went through.

Good luck for your future treatment I pray you get your dream     

shelley x


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## tribble (May 11, 2010)

Hey, I felt so sad for you reading your post, but if you read through here you will see so many people feeling like you. How sad & upsetting when it is your dear friends that are saying the wrong, insesitive things. You feel lik you can't see or say anything to anyone. 
A friend of mine - who was infertile, had IVF that worked first time luckily, recently told me when we were out on a group all about how many of our friends she'd seen on ******** having kids & getting pregnant again - unbelievable from someone who should know better. I also have a best friend who I poured my heart out in a letter to as she lives abroad, in return I got photos sent of her son.
But I have come to think that people cannot possibly know. I tried to help mym sis when she had her ivf & now I know I probably did not say the right things. But my heart was there for her & sometimes that is what we need, people feel helpless at how to help but maybe it can be enough just that they remember and do care. It doesn't make them wicked or cruel. There is nothing wrong with avoiding ceertain people either iof that is what you need to do. I read a couple of books one by Alice Domar that helped me with this. Also one by an American author who said to be upfront with friends & spell out a How to tell me plan if hey are expecting. Never, ever easy though. Last w eek at work I had a near-cry at work cos I heard of yet another colleague getting pregnant super duper quick after starting to try, I don't like speaking to these people although it is not their faultt!!

So - take care & give yourself a big hug; don't expect the world to know how it feels, but instead expect to come on here & seek some solace & love from all the people on here who understand you EXACTLY and are with you all the way xxxx


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## hope42011! (Jul 26, 2010)

Thanks both   I am still feeling a tad emotional but comes with the territory i suppose! Coming on here has helped, just getting it out without someone looking at me as if I am   helps, all my feelings feel normal here and i can be brutally honest without upsetting people around me, it is such a great help i dont know where i would be without it. 
Anyway more   from here on in, spa break and shopping trip next weekend, some proper pampering and a chance to de-stress before tx
Hopefully my friend will visit me from now on and if she doesnt then perhaps I am better off  

Thanks ladies


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## Diddymum (Oct 29, 2010)

Big hugs hun  
I totally understand how u feel. My sister in law has no job, she rents a flat that her and her waste of space bf dont even pay for. Hes an "EX" heroine addict and is the biggest two faced mong on the planet! At the beginning of the year she told me she was pregnant. unfortunately she lost that baby coz her partner gave her an std. She is now 32 weeks pregnant and tbh i hate her for it. Its so unfair that people like that get to have children with no problems yet decent people like everyone on this website, have to spend months suffering for what others dont appreciate. So i totally understand how you feel coz like u i was expected to get over it. some people have no compassion or understanding of what its like to go through infertility and cannot understand how painful it is when its rubbed in our faces. Recently a girl i know (who we have a love hate relationship - we love to hate each other) got pregnant from a one night stand. she the proceeded to mock me how she can have kids and i cant. And the reply i gave - at least my children will know they are truely wanted!and thats something everyone can say on here!
Sorry for the rant hun but this is something that annoys me so much! take care hun and i hope you feel more positive again soon xxxx


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## hope42011! (Jul 26, 2010)

no problem, it helps to rant on here.
I am still struggling to be honest. I have been less emotional and more angry. People who have babies for a few extra pound, an extra room in their council accomodation, to paper over cracks in their obviously loveless relationship make my blood boil anyway but, so close to treatment this one has really cut deep. 
I know 'mistakes' happen but this 'accident' is a life, in fact it is 2 lives, the one daughter that is already here and the baby that will soon be arriving. I cried and cried and then cried some more! I started thinking yesterday while i was driving to and from work (100 miles away so quite a long time to think!) i started thinking it was me, maybe I was going mad, maybe I should be happy for her, maybe I am just jelous, then my thoughts started driving me madder! Its like this uncertainty eating away at me like, i dont really know what is going to happen but I know what i want to happen. I am used to working hard to get what i want but no matter what i do, all the vitamins, relexology,   healthy eating etc etc will not garantee our bfp and that scares me, the lack of control. This woman getting pregnant has just really made me think about the future if things dont work out for us, until this i was so set on our tx and bfp i hadnt thought really, maybe this is a good thing. Maybe i need to prepare for both outcomes, focus on the bfp but be ready for anything?


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## CherryW (Sep 11, 2009)

Hi, 
Just a quick note to say your definently NOT alone with how your feelin.   
I'm due to start my first IVF treatment end of December, a couple of weeks ago i got sent home from work because i just broke down into an emotional mess, had to have a few days off to get myself together!   

And i completely get what your sayin about people deservin to have babies. I'm a nursery nurse (which is hard enough alone) and have to look after 2 year olds who get free nursery sessions because their parents are either drink or drug addicts, very young, or just can't be arsed to work!! Their all on benefits and live in council accomodation, poppin out kids to get the money and bigger houses. So their at home sittin on their lazy arses gettin my tax money while i'm workin hard lookin after their KID for FREE!!! Winds me up would be puttin it politely!! Worse thing i think is that i have to be professional and be nice listenin to them tell me how hard they have it and treatin their kid like ****! Makes me so angry. 
 
Like you i also think DP hasn't got a clue where i'm comin from with this, but he's not the one with the problem or rubbin his tummy everyday wishing there was a little bundle of joy growin contently.   

Sorry think i've extra ranted on.
Hope i've helped in some way, even if its jus knowin there are lots of us out there feelin the same, your not alone, and its not wrong to feel like this, its normal in our situation. Jus wish some people realised how lucky they are. 

Take care and good luck for everythin.
        
Lots of love 

Cherry
x X x


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## Diddymum (Oct 29, 2010)

The fear of going through all this and not getting my bfp is the main thing that keeps me awake at night. If anything going through all this has taught me how strong i am, and although it may end in a bfn and me an emotional wreck, i know i will eventually pick myself up and try again. wishing all you ladies the best luck in the world xxxx


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## tribble (May 11, 2010)

Hope42; or all of you, I strongly recommend you get & read the alice Domar book, conquering infertility. it is all about keeping your stress down a) for your own wellbeing  and b) cos this will help your chances of successful conception. Last night when I got in I re-read the chapter all about coping when eveeyone else is pregnant & how this creates the raging jealousies & anger that we all talk about. Reading this again makes me realise & remember this is a so normal response to this particular life experience. it si american book but worth a go I reckon. She also has exercises/ideas for calming yourself down, I don't find it easy to do but am trying!
big hugs to all xxx


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