# Miscarried twins after 10th IVF - now looking for an egg sharer



## MultiMum (Jul 13, 2008)

Hi All,

I have just miscarried twins at 10 and 15 weeks of pregnancy after our 10th IVF. We are devastated. We will have a funeral for the twins shortly but as I'm in my 40s we can't continue with my own eggs. 

I've been told that I have very good chances with donor eggs but the waiting list at our clinic - the Lister Hospital in London, is several years. 

So, I'm trying to find someone that has been thinking of doing egg share and could be persuaded to go through at the Lister Hospital. If I can introduce a new egg share lady to the clinic then they match me with her immediately (or if its not a good match we are each matched with someone else). I understand that for the recipient egg sharing is not quite free but is several thousand pounds cheaper than the usual price. The Lister is in the SW1 area of London and has some of the best success rates in the country.

If you or someone you know is interested in helping me, please get in touch initially via the board and then we can talk more privately. The person would simply quote my patient number to the clinic.

Hope someone somewhere feels they could help. 

Susie1


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## nbr1968 (Feb 25, 2008)

Dear Susie1

I am so sorry for your loss   - I don't know what to say to you and I know that nothing can take away the pain you are feeling, but you and I are in our 40s and I understand your wish to TTC again asap because of the desperate cliche of time "running out". I cannot imagine what you are going through after 10 IVFs and losing the "dream" of the family you have struggled so long to have. I have only had 3 IVFs and the pain I feel is sometimes crippling. You are being so very brave, and I just wanted you to know that if you ever need support, yopu have it here at FF and there will always be someone here to help you get through and achieve your dreams.

I cremated my son on Tuesday, and I hope that you are getting alot of support from the hospital with respect to your precious babies' funeral - if you have any questions about that process please feel free to PM me. Or indeed if you need any other help, please PM. I had a friend conduct the ceremony and she wrote some wonderful words about the loss of not only our child but the dreams and hopes we had built since learning we were pg, and I found these words very comforting.

My eggs are no good to you I am afraid, but I wish I could help. We too are thinking about trying again - I hope our little angels will look over us and send us the strength to try again.

With love and support
Nbr 68xx


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## nbr1968 (Feb 25, 2008)

Susie1, just read you other post re the funeral on the pregnancy loss thread - I am going to PM you if that is ok re the funeral options

with love
Nbr68


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## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

Susie... I am very sorry about your loss... I have sent you am pm hun.
Hope I can hep
Natalie xxx


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

Hi Susie

What is your criteria for your egg donor? 

Em x


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## Misspie (Feb 1, 2009)

Hi Susie, 

I'm so sorry to hear this, my    thoughts are with you!! 

I have heard that the time wait for being an egg receipiant is endless, and difficult to put a time scale on it! We are hoping to start the process and JR in oxford as the clinic is near to us, it's easier to go up for the daily tests etc. Thats if I pass the criteria, but my FSH level was 7.4 so, so far so good!

Like Em, I'm keen to hear what your criteria is. There are many woman on the L&G boards that are donating, and I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to post on there too! 

Lorna
xx


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## MultiMum (Jul 13, 2008)

Dear Em and Lorna,

You asked what my criteria was: well just the standard ones I suppose. Having been through 10 IVFs I suppose I would want to make it as likely to succeed as possible and so not really likely to go over the usual age that clinics recommend. 

Re CMV, I'm positive which means the egg sharer would need to be also.

My hair is golden blonde (so that make blonde or brown hair a good match) and green/blue eyes (so an eye colour match would be good but not essential).I'm fair skinned. I'm 5'6" and medium build but not fussy on these factors. Also, perfectly happy to work with someone in a same sex relationship. The way the Lister work however is that if we didn't match they would then offer me another egg share lady for having introduced an egg sharer to them and offer the original egg sharer a different recipient. 

Susie1


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## MultiMum (Jul 13, 2008)

Lorna, 

What are the L&G boards? 

Susie1


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## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

Susie.. L&G is the Gay and Lesbian board.... CLICK HERE

Natalie xx


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

well thats me out then as im CMV negative   

Everything else i fitted...


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## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

I honestly thought if your CMV positive you can recieve CMV negitive eggs..... But not the other way around. 

Maybe I am worng??   

xxxx


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## Misspie (Feb 1, 2009)

Hey Em, you had your bloods done for CMV already, didn't realise that!!

Well, I pretty much fit your criteria, light brown hair / 5ft 5/6inch / medium build (12st 3lb today woohoo) / blue eyes. And I'm really keen on the egg sharing programme. No idea on the CMV thingy majig. I was also PMing Alley about Egg share as she also is similar criteria to us! I'm the one with the long blonde hair in the pic left <---------------------------- 

But.....and I hate to say it, but at the mo, I would really like to prgress at JR as we are only just starting to get somewhere with things and they are local to us. We originally started out trying to do this whole process naturally in Denmark, but my fantastic body won't have normal regular cycles, and we thought what best way to look at things here, than to give something back, as us too are after something!!!

Where abouts are you based Susie!!

Lorna
xx


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

yeah Lorna i managed to get my CMV and rubella done on the NHS... sneaky lol Only got the results on monday... CMV neg and Immune rubella.


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## watn1 (Mar 14, 2008)

lesbo_mum said:


> well thats me out then as im CMV negative
> 
> Everything else i fitted...


I think the above is correct? 

Susie - So very sorry for your loss  I wish you every sucess in your donor cycle. xx


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## Misspie (Feb 1, 2009)

Hi Ladies - I just found the following:-

From what I've understood, clinics use CMV status as a way of beginning to match recipients and donors : a recipient who is positive for CMV herself can have a donor who is positive or negative, whereas a recipient who is negative must have a donor who is also negative. And since most people are positive for CMV, most donors are also positive for it .... and I guess this can make it a longer wait for a potential match.

Not sure if its right, will continue searching!  

L
x


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

i guess im rare then being cmv reg lol... typical just my luck always been the odd one out


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## MultiMum (Jul 13, 2008)

HI All,

Susie again - re CMV if you are a positive recipient you are permitted to have a negative donor but there is a bit of debate about this and so some clinics insist that a positive recipient has a positive donor. In my case since i had a late miscarriage which is rare I know that for a donor cycle the clinic will be as safe as they can be so I know I would only be able to have a positive donor. 

Re the lady at the JR (Oxford I assume) - I can only share in London and at the Lister Hospital in Chelsea for the reason that having been through them for 10 IVSs and the miscarriage it would be silly to start again with a new clinic. 

Don't know about the rest of the country but in the London region the wait for donor eggs (unless you are able to recruit your own donor as I'm trying to do) is several years. 
Susie1


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## MultiMum (Jul 13, 2008)

Susie again, 

I forgot to say the obvious - if anyone was keen to help me and themselves by going through an egg share cycle at the Lister Hospital, actually it doesn't matter if we don't match. 

If I introduce an egg share lady to them firstly they look to see if we match each other. If we don't but she still wants treatment then she is matched with another donor (and still goes through at the egg share price which is several thousand cheaper than the standard). Meanwhile I get matched with another donor for having introduced someone to the clnic. 

So in essence if anyone was thinking about egg sharing really seriously and had been looking in the London area, by opting for the Lister and quoting my reference number at the consultation this means we both get the treatment we need (hers almost but not quite free). Unless someone stepped forward like this, I wouldn't see a donor for 4-5 years which would be too late! 

Susie1


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

Hi Susie

I need to seriously speak with my DP and look into it further as not really looked at the lister before due to price but i may well be interested... 

Em x


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## wishing4miracle (Sep 7, 2006)

So sorry to hear of your loss.im at the lister and have done 3 cycles.but im not to your criteria as Ive got dark brown hair-as in pic,blue eyes,med build,5ft7,Cmv pos i think.i wish you lots of luck in you journey


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Susie- I phoned the Lister too and they have long waits, Care in Nottingham (1 yr)  LWC (9-12 months) not sure about the Bridge as they egg share as well but CRM have waiting lists of 6 months or less and are in Regents Park after having a disasterous cycle in Spain and not getting to ET despite having 16 eggs, 11 embryos!

Good Luck


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## MultiMum (Jul 13, 2008)

Hi JJ1

Yes I had thought of going on the list of all the clinics with relatively short lists like the ones you mentioned. Useful to be reminded of them   . But the lists seem elastic in some places (one minute they are 'short' then suddenly when you're on them they grow), so I hoped that trying to find an egg sharer may work. Susie


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

whats the Listers BMI rules like is it 30 or below?? Mines 34 and i really cant ever see it below 30.. it was 43 and its taken me years to get to 34 lol


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## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

Hey hun

The Lister have a ruling of under 30.... But I have cycled with them this year with a BMI of 30+.

They are a FAB clinic hun!! I cant recommend them enough!
Natalie xxxx


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

i've heard there really good but i dont wanna go for an appointment and be told to come back when its below 30 as it will take me ages to get there


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## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

Trust me hun, they wont!!!! Let me know if you go there!!


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## wishing4miracle (Sep 7, 2006)

Lister do like bmi at the 30 but they arnt hugely fussy if its a point over.bmi 30 as a max mark


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

I think i'll just stick with IUI then at the Esperance for now then as my BMI is well above 30 and cant see it being down to 30 for a while yet.


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## Charlie_girl (Apr 30, 2009)

Hi,

I just successfully egg-shared at the Lister, I can't recommend them enough. My BMI is 32, they'll advise you at the first consultation to lose weight and eat well, exercise etc but its not a major issue as long as you are nice and healthy  

Charlie x


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## MultiMum (Jul 13, 2008)

Hi All,
It's Susie who started the thread. Just wanted to say how overwhelmed I've been by everyone's responses. I haven't found a match yet as obviously I have to vaguely share the donor's physical characteristics and she has to want to use a London clinic, but the comments have been really motivating. I even posted an ad in a London paper on the basis of encouragement here. Has anyone done their own advertising....? It's a real eye opener. 

First attempt I was between a clairvoyant and someone offering 'personal services'. Second attempt - much better positioning (just a shade away from Bond Street Shoe Sale which I thought was classy) but the ink bled from another ad so the title - Need IVF But Can't Afford It - looked like a spider had been sick on it. Third attempt - success. Good placing, good ink. Of course you give both the name of the clinic as well as your own reference number so I know for a fact that a couple of people rang in but didn't quote my number. As I say, it's an eye opener! Anyone got any other advertising tips? 
Susie


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

i saw a ad in the metro for the Lister a few weeks ago and thought it looked amazing.. DP even saw it and mentioned it to me..

Glad your ok suzie and i hope you find your match soon


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## MultiMum (Jul 13, 2008)

Hiya - susie here who started the thread. If anyone is contemplating egg share and the Lister is maybe one of the clinics on your list, you might want to know that they are having an open evening shortly. Let me know if you want details.

They had a big expansion programme at Xmas which has doubled the size of the laboratory. In my view they are probably the best place in London for sharing - all things considered. They can be busy but they have excellent results and for me having treatment in a hospital setting rather than a clinic is an important difference (compliance with very high standards). Susie


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

Hi Susie

Can i have the details please as we may go and have a look as its still a possible option with us.

Em x


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## luckystars (Mar 16, 2007)

Hi 

I'm a egg donor at the lister PM me if you want any advise ??

Good Luck

Julie


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## MultiMum (Jul 13, 2008)

Hi, a few people have PMd me to ask about the Lister's open evening. I won't reply on here (or they will have more egg sharer's than London has bendy buses...)  but I have PMd everyone back.

If anyone could spare a thought for me Tuesday please do. It's the funeral for my twins - it will be at a cemetery in North London. I'm told all the babies from the hospital that died in the same month will share the little coffin. I am very cut up about it. Irrationally I don't want to see that coffin. I will want to take it home. Susie


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## Pisces34 (Aug 23, 2009)

Susie, I don't know you as I am new to the boards, but I will be thinking of you

x


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## lesbo_mum (Dec 22, 2008)

susie hun i'll be thinking of you and DP


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## MultiMum (Jul 13, 2008)

Hi All,
Susie here who started the thread. Many people have PMd me re the funeral for the twins. It was today so I thought I'd share a bit about it.
34 babies went to heaven today from this particular service but I think for some Angel Mummies (and Daddies) it was a bit too much to bear so me and my DP were the only people there. It was a big ceremony at Golder's Green crematorium. All organised by the hospital. 
There was a white coffin - which was shaped as a toy box with a pink and blue balloon on the top and a sister from the hospital who put a flower on the toy box for every single angel baby. We were asked at the start of the service what name we had given to the babies. We only named one (the first twin died at 10 weeks gestation the second at 15). But, it was a private name. However the chaplain seemed determined to get us to announce something so eventually I nudged my DP who went up to the chaplain and announced that it was Astronaut....
I was really moved to know that even  if angel mummies and daddies find it to hard to say goodbye in person still so many others turn up to say goodbye on their behalf. Behind us were several white gloved representatives of the funeral directors as well as staff from the hospital. The coffin/toy box arrived in a hearse and it was placed just where a big coffin would be for the service. 
We had a Paddington bear to put on the coffin/toy box (baby would have been born in Paddington and that was where it died). However out of respect for the other babies we didn't put Paddington on, for they may have had other journeys. 
It has been a difficult day especially as it took ten rounds of IVF to get that far, but we have decided (providing we find eggs from somewhere) that we will continue. Susie


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## Charlie_girl (Apr 30, 2009)

Dear Susie,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. 

We just buried our little boy, we lost him at 16weeks. 

I have an appt at the Lister tomorrow to discuss our next egg share. I'm hoping it'll be as soon as we can, I think it'll be a big part of the healing process for us. I have already egg shared with them so very much doubt it'll help you, but you never know, we may be a match.

Good luck and please keep us posted with any news you have.  

Love Charlie x


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## spangleygirl (Aug 26, 2009)

Hi Susie and Charlie,

I stumbled across Susie's thread as I was looking at the egg Share boards. To say I am shocked by your losses is an understatement. I am so truly very very sorry for your devastating losses. Sending lots of  and 's.

I have previously been an egg sharer in the past and both myself and the recipeint were successful - her to term with twins and very sadly I miscarried at 7 weeks. 
However, I became pregnant on my second, but private cycle and gave birth to my DD.

Currently I am very close to thawing and hopefully transferring embryo's from my first and second cycles for a medicated FET cycle, so obviously am not in position to help either of you, but I just wanted to share with you that your posts have really touched my heart and I so wish I was in a postion to help you through this painful journey. No-one should have to bear the dreadful loss of any baby, let alone so late on in their pregnancy, and for the loss of twins Susie, my heart goes out to you, esp after your 10th cycle!! - my gosh, bless your heart.
If I could, I _would_ have been very interested in helping you, since I would meet your criteria, (I am not in your area either, but may have been able to travel), but I hope you _have_ found, or are on the way to finding someone, to assist you in your quest to be parents very soon.

Your description of the funeral has moved me so much, it must have been so intensely grief stricken. I can not believe that people do not attend their babies funeral - however desperately sad that is to face, you would think they would want the opportunity to say goodbye, and Cherish the moments they had with their children.....I guess as you say, it was just too much to cope With. I know I speak as someone not in their shoes, so I can not imagine the courage and bravery you must have to summon, to go.

I send you both my heartfelt sympathy, and hope some magic babydust sprinkles over your direction very very soon. again, so *very* sorry.........
With love and thoughts,
Spangelygirl. xx


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## MultiMum (Jul 13, 2008)

Hi,

Thanks for the messages regarding the funeral. It was tough and I am haunted by the small white box containing 34 miscarried babies but going was the right thing to do. It was humbling to see so many people representing the hospital staff and the funeral directors turn out for a cremation of the unborn. Made me realise just how special little souls are whether they are born or not. 

I haven't yet found an egg sharer at the clinic where I practically live! My clinic has very very long lists. I've advertised in the London papers and will probably do this again. If I successfully 'recruit' someone to the Lister's donor pool then I become eligible for treatment on the day she donates. 

However, the clock ticks! So I've registered for my clinics 'shared care' arrangement with Dublin. Scans and bloods are done in London, frozen sperm goes from Dublin to the Ukraine to meet donor eggs. Eggs are frozen in the Ukraine and come back to Dublin (still following....?). They are frozen at the two day stage when they are relatively stable. They are then thawed in Dublin and only transferred if they make it to blastocyst stage. 

Phew - what a model! I have faith in my clinic and will see it through, but I'm the first trying this shared care model and it's going to take a long time! (meanwhile me hopes that the phone will ring with news of a London donor). Susie


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## Charlie_girl (Apr 30, 2009)

Susie,

Wow, that shared care scheme sounds amazing. A little complex maybe, but amazing. How fast can they find DE in the Ukraine, out of interest? Like you say, the waiting lists here are very long, we had our consultation at the Lister last week with Dr Faris and he said that they were up to 2 and a half years.

Thats the silver lining that we have found to the awful cloud of losing our little boy, we can help somebody else again. Somehow it means even more to us this time.

Susie, I admire your bravery and wish you all the very best of luck - it _will_ happen for you 

Please keep us all posted with how you get on.

Spangleygirl,

Thank you for your very kind words, it is very comforting to know that people we've never even met care so much. Good luck for your FET, I'm sending you lots of 

If you would like to read my full story, its at http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=205902.0

Charlie x


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## MultiMum (Jul 13, 2008)

Charley girl,
I'm going to start a new thread on Sims as I think others could contribute to the debate! Susie


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## MultiMum (Jul 13, 2008)

Charley girl,
I'm not going to start a new thread on the S**S clinic (I've been told that S..S staff may be reading). Anyway, I deal with the Lister for the shared care bit (although I haven't had any yet!) then the sperm goes to S..S in D.B..N then the Ukraine. In answer to your question there is no wait for a donor in the Ukraine. However until very recently S..S had to quarantine the sperm for 3 months (ie it had to be tested upon arrival in Ukraine for HIV and then again 3 months later). So people thought there was a donor delay, actually it was a testing delay. Now they don't quarantine. Effectively there is no wait therefore. You don't deal direct with the Ukraine, you have to go via D.B..N or in my case the Lister and Dublin. So this introduces a small delay while everything gets co-ordinated. 

The Lister have a wait of approx 2 1/2 years for egg share because they are so popular and so successful. Having had my one go I didn't feel I could sit around for another 2 1/2 years hence I still sit on the list but am trying the shared care model. I will be the first to go through so I'll let you know how it works out. However I don't think you are in the donor egg situation yet are you? Susie


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## Charlie_girl (Apr 30, 2009)

Hey Susie,

Thanks for clarifying it for me, it sounds an amazing scheme. Someone has to be first, so why not you! I would *def* go for that over waiting 2 1/2 years. I can't imagine having to wait that long, a few months is bad enough for me!

I'm an egg sharer, so no i'm not in the same situation as you - I was just really interested!

When will you commence tx?

Charlie x


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## MultiMum (Jul 13, 2008)

Charley girl,
Technically I have already started treatment. My DP froze a sample at the Lister recently and the first stage of treatment is getting this over to Dublin (then Dublin get it over to the Urkaine). I don't feel very involved at the moment. All I can do is make sure the sperm gets on a flight (this isn't easy) then it's all up to the people in Dublin to get it to and from the Urkaine meeting donor eggs along the way. It's not my favourite treatment model I have to say, but I didn't have a lot of choice! Susie


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## luckystars (Mar 16, 2007)

Hi Susie

I hope this works for you I really do Im here if u want to chat PM me anytime 

Julie xxx


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## tj1977 (Oct 15, 2009)

hi i fit almost all of your criteria, 32, 5ft 7in medium build green eyes, light brown hair. haven't had any blood tests yet apart from my fertility 1 and that came back all good. 
haven't decided on the best place for me yet but open to all ideas. if i can be any help please let me know. 
                                                       
                                                    tam.


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