# Treatment Chat 2020



## Sharry (May 13, 2007)

A thread for everybody undergoing or thinking about treatment in 2020.


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## BroodySingle (Jan 26, 2020)

I’ll kick this thread off!

I’m single, broody, have the worst AMH at 0.44 and at my last scan my AFC was 2 BUT I’m still hopeful and will be starting my first cycle in early March with OE & DS. 

I’ll be on high stims short protocol. Not too worried about the needles as had to inject myself in the tummy after a skiing accident a few years back. I’m more worried I’ll mess up the timings of the injections or get things the wrong way around!

But, I’m truly excited for what lies ahead (I know, a naive first timer   )

xxxx


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## snowdropwood (Jan 24, 2016)

Hi - I am 43 and have upcoming appoinmtent at BCRM re Double donation treatment asap .  Had 4 failed OE treatments IVF between October and January, before that looked for AI donors ( a disaster/dangerous), had IVF once years ago too  ....many years of loss/ hope. Finding the DCN helpful inc a library you can borrow from . So looking towards a new clinic and moving in an unknown direction with some hope .  Non anonymity feels important for me in regards to donors  - what a challenging journey this is !    xx


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## BroodySingle (Jan 26, 2020)

Hi Snowdropwood!

Yes, it is a challenging journey (and I've only just begun!) so I'm just feeling the tip of the sword in relation to you. I'm sorry you've experienced what you have!

I'm with you on non-anonymity. And everything I've read on ladies who are a DE recipient all points to how they're so glad they did. Not one has regretted it. The odds are so much better too. Your flame of hope can burn brighter &#128293;

Does BCRM have a long waitlist for DD? I know there's quite a scale in waiting times across the various clinics.

AFM, I'm also expecting to need to turn to DD but as this is my first go round I need to understand what my body is doing first. I might get lucky and they'll collect some eggs which will be decent enough to fertilise and turn into Blasts, but with an AMH of 0.44 pmo/L I'm also being realistic

On the positive, my AF _finally_ came this morning - only 4 days later than normal. I suspect the Levothyroxcin has played a bit of havoc with my system!

xxx


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## snowdropwood (Jan 24, 2016)

HI there - BS  - yes it is a challenging journey ! Things changed for me in the time i was having O/E treatment ( grierf /loss) and also in  support from others who have walked the path / DCN/ this forum/ talking etc and DD treatment feels the next right step for me  - I consider the ethics deeply and need to know within that I am making a kind , loving and ethical next step........it may never work and if so I will have to accept that ....

Just wondered your age and where  you are having treatment ? I had OE treatment at 42/43 even though the stats were pretty small ........

BCRM doesnt have a wait list for egg donation and i have first appoint there on Monday with Consultant and I will prob move forward with DD. I have 2 ampules of sperm as only used 1 in the O/E treatment  . I was with Create Clinic for the O/E treatment and they do have a wait list for E/D  ( 6 moths approx ) . Exeter was 2 years !  I prob would like a second opinion too from another clinic too and  BCRM has a dedicated egg donation co ordinator and a significantly sized team there.....

It sounds like you are starting your treatment now ? I am sure you will be fine with the injections and so on - the clinic wrote everything down or i wrote it in my diary, there is usually an out of hours number if you need anything and hopefully the staff are all supportive for you ? Hopefully freinds/ family / work can be kind and understanding as best they can ........

really good luck - keep us posted how you are doing

xx


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## BroodySingle (Jan 26, 2020)

Hi Snow,

Thanks for all the info! Really useful 

I'm 36, but judging by my AMH my egg reserve is much closer to late 40's   

I've had my FSH levels tested today (along with all my other blood work) so that'll give me a more complete picture when I start my cycle next month. Fingers crossed I'll be getting my baseline scan around the 10th of next month.  

Are you at Bristol? What are they like?

The Lister are amazing so far. Really pleased I went with them.

And...I thought the Lister's waiting list for DE was 6-9 months but it looks like that might be from an old document and it's closer to 3 months which makes me feel a lot better!

Wow, Exeter is 2 years! That's long... I'm glad your current clinic can move more quickly.  And, there's the option of places like Altrui who work to find you a donor - I guess their similar to your Donor coordinator.


I'm thinking I'll do this first cycle and see how I respond and then decide what to do next. If I respond okay (At least 2 eggs which fertilise and are viable for transfer) then I'm considering my next step as signing up for the access fertility 3 cycle package. Once that's complete, and if I'm still unsuccessful, I'll move to DD. 

It's not an easy choice to make, and I've a bit to go through before I get there, but I like to have a plan and know where I'm going if what I'm doing right now doesn't work.

I'm really lucky in that I have a great family network supporting me and my boss is being super understanding so I've lucked out a bit there. What about you? Do you have a good network of support?

I'm keeping everything crossed for you! 

xxx


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## snowdropwood (Jan 24, 2016)

HI there B/S  -  your plan sounds really wise and well thought out - never easy these decisions and plans  - if i have some plans/  hope I feel better though I try to consider possible failure  - difficult to accept really tbh ....

I had  OE treamtment  at Create clinic , Bristol  and next week have appointment at 'Bristol Clinic for Reproductive Medicine ' . The wait list at Create for DE was 6 months ish and BCRM have seemed more responsive to me . The co ordinater mainly has been involved with recruiting donors so they now dont have a wait list for recepients.  I looked into the donor agencies briefly , also looked briefly at some  aspects of treatment abroad ...

Indeed it is one step at a time - the clinic and support around you sounds top class which is so helpful.  I  do talk with some friends and family but 'support' is tentative  - perhaps this area is quite alien to some people / fear/  misunderstanding  - however yes there is some support.  Nervous about this next step as I know once I start it is emotionally tiring and preoccupying  - perhaps if I think in terms of one year of trying DD I can feel a bit more in control and less daunted  - 

yep fingers crossed for you too. 

xx

ps I used Cryos for sperm donor


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## BroodySingle (Jan 26, 2020)

Hey Snow,

That's great news about BCRM and their coordinator!

How did you find changing clinics? I suppose the transition was slightly more seamless given your move from OE to DD happened at the same time. It's a hard thing to come to terms with in many respects, but I'm trying to see it as one of perspective and how I choose to look at it.

But, it is very easy for me to say given I haven't undergone my first OE IVF cycle yet. I do have a niggle at the back of my mind about how I'll feel if there are no eggs retrieved. Do I just move onto DD? Or do I try a few more attempts at OE first? I just don't know. But, I don't want to throw good money after bad when it could so easily be spent on a DD baby or on their future needs.

I'm sorry your support isn't as good as it maybe could be  

Even with great support I do feel terribly alone sometimes, so happy to be an ear if you need someone to talk to during this. 

xxx


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## snowdropwood (Jan 24, 2016)

Hi there, 

I moved clinics because the clinic didnt want to treat me again with own eggs had a wait list for Donor egg treatment,  other wise I would have probably continued there - I havent actually been to BCRM yet as first appointment is on Monday with Consultant. 

Yes it is difficult to plan and book mutiple treatment packages as of course no one knows how they will respond to treatment physically or emotionally . I booked a 3 cycle package with O/E and things are monitored as you go along so there is plenty of information about blood and scan results / protocols / feedback....yes the financial side is very real indeed and difficult to quantify. 

I will know more after my first appointment next week .  Reading some books atm from the DCN library about donor treatments and find the counselling as part of the treatment really vital too - bestest wishes all xx


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## BroodySingle (Jan 26, 2020)

Hi Snow,

How are you?

How did your appointment with the Consultant go on Monday?

I had my Nurse consultation on Tuesday and it was definitely interesting! I'm sure she thought I was an total ditz when she was showing me how to do the medications! I really didn't find it easy!!! But, as I'll be doing 6 a night I'm sure I'll get used to it pretty quickly  

I'm itching to start and time seems to be passing so slowly! However, I do have my Implications Counselling next week so that's something else to help speed up the days. Then I should hopefully only have around two more weeks to go.  

xxx


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## snowdropwood (Jan 24, 2016)

HI there, 

yes I remember feeling very overwhelmed at the nurse / planning meeting  - too much information and anxiety about injections  - in the end I found the injections really fine and pain free, finding room in a very small fridge was more of a problem.  

yes i have just posted under DD thread about choosing egg donor .  Finding it impossible and resistance to reading the 3 profiles which the co ordinater selected for me and sent to me to look through  - any advice / experience from any one would be great .  The Consultant and co ordinator both v helpful at BCRM however I feel quite overwhelmed atm particularly around the donor decision and the wider issues of going ahead with this treatment and the possibilities of failure / risks etc at each stage / each step.  However I feel better when I take things a day at a time yet there has to be a degree of planning / looking ahead of course. I think choosing the donor is a source of deep anxiety atm and once i have made this decision I think I will feel relieved.  The therapy ( which i have on the phone ) is also crucial  - there is 4 as part of the treatment and 1 implications counselling charged separately. 

I have also talked a bit with some family / friends which has helped ( not surprisingly !)  - it really is a huge process for a person to go through so I think that anxiety/ doubt / worry are probably really natural.  


The next appointment in due course is the planning meeting about the treament .  

Very good luck with things - yes time has a way of drawing out when we are eager and ready to get going doesn't it ?! 

xx
So the next steps are choosing the donor and a planning meeting looking at the treatment process, meds , timings etc ....also the therapy sessions too.


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## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

Hi all, 

I'm 34, and had my son almost 2 years ago on IVF #6. I'm now trying for baby #2. I had my first IUI in November but sadly miscarried at 3 months, so now waiting for AF to try IUI#2. Can't afford to do IVF again so hoping IUI will eventually work


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## Anenome (Oct 18, 2019)

Hi Snowdropwood,

I am a solo mum with donor embryo conceived twins who are 13.  Because my donors are anonymous, I didn't have any choice at all, so I was in a different position to you.  However, I can totally understand how anxiety making it is to try and make a choice as well as choosing a sperm donor.  

I am a member of the Donor Conception Network and would really recommend ringing them to talk through your concerns as well as possibly joining as they will put you in touch with other women who have used double donation in the UK and will have thoughts on choosing a donor.  Your UK clinic should give you free implications counselling so I am not sure why you are paying?  The clinic counsellor should also see you to talk through issues like choosing a donor.

Maybe a donor who has also had successful pregnancies would be a starting point?  Choosing a donor who has some of your characteristics e.g. hair colour, skin tone, eye colour etc may increase the chance of a child who looks like a good fit for you as a family as that is important to donor conceived children?  Having said that, genes are not highly predictable and trying to control these things is often very hit and miss!

Other areas which may 'speak' to you are pen portraits or letters from the donor if you have them, or interests, education?

You can PM me if you wish to talk more?

Best wishes,
A xx


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## BroodySingle (Jan 26, 2020)

Hi ladies,

*Snow *- I completely understand your anxieties. When I chose my DS, I spent a long time weighing up the pros and cons of each donor...to the point I lost the first two as I didn't realise how quickly they get snapped up. I think there'll always be a bit of 'What if...' when you use a donor. You just have to remember that you made the best decision that you could at the time. I'm much more of a planner, which actually helps calm my anxieties. 

Agree with Anenome, my clinic has an 'Open Door' policy regarding counselling. I can go as much as I need to and it's completely free. I really don't understand why you would be charged as I thought it was something they have to offer?

*Pollita *- Welcome & so sorry about your miscarriage. I'm waiting to start my first IVF treatment and am single so can only imagine, but I hope with time the pain subsides and you have all the luck on the next IUI. 

*Anenome *- Welcome! Some very thoughtful insight, thanks  I definitely agree that using a donor with reported pregnancies is a great place to start. Obviously, it's never a guarantee, but it does allow a little more hope than a completely unknown situation.

AFM, I went for my implications counselling this morning. Was dreading it. Dreading being judged for my decisions. Dreading that the person sitting opposite me would say I wasn't in the right place to proceed...but it actually went really well. I had a great open and honest chat with her, laughed a bit, cried a bit and talked through everything to do with using DS. We actually also discussed my stance on DD as this is a very real possibility for me and she was really candid about the potential outcomes of everything. Whilst I was dreading it at first, I think it was actually super important for me to have the discussion I had to day.

Now I just have about 2 weeks to wait until I can finally start! Looks like this cycle I'll be having two 2WW 

I've also joined the DCN. So far, no one has responded to my post...but maybe I'm posting in the wrong place. Now that my Implications Counselling is complete I will have a further dive into the site.

xxx


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## snowdropwood (Jan 24, 2016)

Hi all, 

How is everyone ? I have planning meeting tomorrow - I found choosing the egg donor and processing the enormity of what I am doing really emotionally exhausting - but relieved that step is taken now, so step at a time I guess - reading /talking / DCN all helpful recently  - xxx


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## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

My treatment has been postponed until after this virus has passed. Sadly I'm also suddenly out of work so I'm not sure if I'll even be in a position to try again. I hope so
Hope everyone is keeping well


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## snowdropwood (Jan 24, 2016)

Hi Pollita  - sorry - yes who would have thought this would happen  = yes I hope that you will be i  a position to try again too , such uncertain times x


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## snowdropwood (Jan 24, 2016)

Hiya, 

just felt to check in with other single / solo women as things begin to reopen perhaps in terms of treatments, i am starting again DD ivf after it cancelled in the lock down - anyone else ? xx


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## BroodySingle (Jan 26, 2020)

Hi ladies,

How are we all?

After a few ups and downs (including COVID) I finally started my first IVF round with my first stims injection last night. Turned out to be much better than I was expecting which was a relief and managed the whole process myself (was expecting to need help from my dad!). 

Given the delay due to the pandemic, I have paid the registration fee for donor eggs. The waitlist is 6-9 months so I didn’t want to go through a round (or two) with my own eggs, be a few more months down the line, and then have to wait another 6-9 months.

Snow - how far along are you with your DD process?

xx


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## snowdropwood (Jan 24, 2016)

Hi there , yes that sounds very well thought out and really good luck , yes I found the injections in the past much easier than I had feared 

After numerous delays etc I am starting some more meds in about a week and have to do down regulation / long protocol . There are 7 frozen blastocycts which feels positive, however i feel really emotionally and quite physically drained atm. ( I have been writing on the current cycle buddies thread a bit recently xx


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## Mees_2020 (Oct 12, 2019)

Hi ladies,

Sorry to hear Pollita... times change so fast on the work-field. Hope you find a job soon. Keep writing, keep telling all around you what you can and like to do and you may even need to be just a little bit smarter (or with more guts) to get a job. A friend of mine went on her bike and walk in all kinds of facilities, stores etc and had the luck to have a click with one of the owners and got an opportunity. You need a little luck!

BroodySingle, omg you had covid?! It's nice you started the sims. That's exciting. Good for you, you could manage on your own! It takes some courage to inject. I'm glad I do not have to do that any more, but if that is what it takes to have a baby, I'll do it all over again.

Hi Snowdropwood, why are you drained? 

Afm I will try to have a FET in August. It seems to be possible to fly to Cyprus (with 2 times a covid test --> ai, not funny). I can not wait longer with my age and the uncertainty of an other covid-uprais in winter. I'm now physically fit and mentally excited, so here I go... again.


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## snowdropwood (Jan 24, 2016)

Hi all, 

well i am drained because of the drugs, work, and the cumulative stress of what I am going through. I am really exhausted tbh. It is so very strange to be going through this alone - i generally say to family / occasionally to friends ' I am going to an appointment / I will continue to try until I cant go through it anymore ' but there is no point in describing the specifics eg. ET , 2 week wait etc.    I hope to have an E/T quite soon as am taking buserilin  after covid shut down and then last month the protocol wasnt the right one so here i am again, i will be driving 2 hours to the clinic ......I just feel like simple things would really help right now,  occasionally someone to make me dinner or a lift to the clinic .  Now that i know how tired the drugs for the FET protocol are making me feel , I have to be realistic about long i can continue / how many attempts i can go through .  

I think going through this alone , after so many years and attempts is extriodinary and brave. I think endlessly about the ethical decision to try to have a family solo at 43 and whether I have enough love and how i can navigate this all alone.  For now I take it day by day but really weary tbh keeping all the balls in the air x


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## Mees_2020 (Oct 12, 2019)

There's a lot going on with you and inside you. I can't imagine that you could only be happy-hopping in live at this stage. And I took a look at your postings. Interesting! And lady, you write a lot!   

I don't understand. You are so well informed and well prepared. You have made such considered choices. These were far from easy. And off course that's mentally heavy. But you have figured it out (vigorously!) and your doing the right thing. You might, or should be also a little more proud. Tap yourself on the shoulder women! 

Don't make yourself to much dependent on the understanding of others. If you want to inform them, just do it how you wish to do it, but they will not be able to truly understand what you are going through... that's just impossible. Tell them how interesting the technics are, how beautiful it is you can have a donor and might carry a child within you, ask them how it felt, how exciting it was for them, tell them how you love to have a child like they do, ask them about the first time they felt life. Make a connection with them from their point of view. You need these connections; now and most certainly when your wish comes true and it will be all about the bringing up of a child  That's when they can relate to you much better. 

You can not change the past (the hours you traveled, the loneliness while making decisions, the effects of all transfers and medication...). Don't make it just a list of burden you have to drag along. It is difficult enough without the history of it all. Arrange the things you need to do; drive, do paperwork, swallow/sting yourself with the needles and get it over with. If you have to cook for yourself, make it healthy, look at it and be proud: You did it again! For you ánd for a nice warm nest you are building. And if you don't feel like cooking, dare to invite yourself (really that's oké... would you mind if a friend asked you?...) or eat a red pepper for appetizer, a handful of different nuts, some grains and veggie yogurt with orange juice.

You want to be a mommy! How beautiful is that?! And you just started with total donation. You have so much more changes now! Take yourself for a slow walk in a park, look at the treas, the leafs. There might be a time when you walk there with a very small person who will look at the tree for the first time... Imagine how that works, how will the little one see the movement of the treas, how will the sounds enter, how will the wind feel. Get your focus back to you and your beautiful wish.

You are a loving person and you are preparing for a very welcome boy or girl. Everyone who had read your story knows you have lots of love to give and you will do so fine. You are preparing for years now to do it on your own. You are ready! Get nice, give a little love for you. You deserve that!

I hope to follow your example in August. I hope to have an embryo donation and will start soon with medication... It's an interesting fase of life. 
An for a long story, short: come on with all those baby's  

Wish you the best!


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## snowdropwood (Jan 24, 2016)

Thank you for all your encouragement and thoughts  - all really helpful.  I think there is the cumulative effects of medical problems which started when I was 21 with surgery and a very long journey of relationships / IVF / trying to find a known donor / own egg IVF / DD IVF and the covid cancellations within the context of a family who have not been very supportive which is tiring. .  This is the same for many people of course , I do feel determined and proud and grateful for the opportunity now and all the support esp from others who have walked this path previously or who are also doing so now, I also wish you good things very soon with your next step x


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