# About to start ICSI - struggling to keep my game face on!



## Ruthie79 (Feb 8, 2013)

Hello,
I'm new to FF...  I've been reading through some posts and already feel better, amazing the power of knowing that I'm not the only one going through this stuff, and that my reaction to it seems normal!

We're starting ICSI, I have been down-regulating for nearly 3 weeks, starting my stim injections  tonight.  Baseline scan Weds all looked good, booked in for next scan next Friday 15th & fingers crossed EC w/c 18th Feb - see how we get on next week.

2 years of heartache TTC, advised "unexplained infertility".  Found out on Weds when clinic did additional test on DH that he has antisperm antibodies (likely due to vas reversal) - so chances of natural conception have always been pretty much nil...distraught that no-one tested for this before and we could have jumped straight to ICSI a couple of years ago.  Good job we took things into our own hands a few months ago and decided enough of waiting and got cracking on IVF (now changed to ICSI after Wednesdays news).

Excited, nervous and struggling to imagine how I'm going to hold it together over the next few weeks.  Coming into work each day and putting my "game face" on is so tough - just want to hide in the toilets and cry :-(

Looking for general advice about getting through the next few weeks - staying calm relaxed and positive, how on earth am I going to do that - EEK!

Would be great to chat to others working to similar dates

x


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## staceyemma (Jul 30, 2011)

hi Ruthie  

Just wanted to wish you luck  stick with this site -the ladies on here are fab they've seen me through everything!!!!
We all understand here  

If you need a chat or have any questions feel free to message me  

xxx


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## Ruthie79 (Feb 8, 2013)

Hi Staceyemma - thanks for your reply, it feels so good knowing there are other people who know how I feel.

Not quite figured out my way round the site yet - that's a job for the weekend, I'm sure I'm going to be addicted pretty soon to reading other peoples posts and hopefully finding people to chat to!!

How are things going with you?  I read that you won a free IVF cycle - that's amazing!!

x


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## Audiprincess (May 7, 2012)

Hi ruthie79

Welcome 😀

On the home page if you scroll down to cycle buddies you will see a feb/march thread for ladies undergoing treatment during these months, hope to see you there xx


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

to FF, Ruthie79!!! Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help you.

That's great, now they tell you that there is something wrong with DH!  At least you found out eventually. If only I had the secret on how to stay sane during treatment, I would bottle it and make a fortune!! I found the emotional rollercoaster of emotions attached to treatment is a lot worse than the actual treatment itself. I did think about things too much on my first treatment and ended up having a panic attack at work, something I have never had before, or since. For subsequent treatments I tried to keep busy, keep my mind on other things. I read, studied, watched films (funny, light hearted ones are best, not the hide behind the sofa ones, those aren´t good for stress levels! ), did cross stitch, played computer games, even tried and failed to learn the piano, anything to take my mind off what was going on inside. I found that helped.

Here are a few links that I think might help you.

ICSI chat ~ CLICK HERE

Keep a diary of your treatment (or read the experiences of others) ~ CLICK HERE

Cycle Buddies (undergoing treatment at the same time) - CLICK HERE

Male factors ~ CLICK HERE

Regional ~ CLICK HERE

What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~   CLICK HERE

Our live chat room has a new member chat at 8pm on Wednesday. Here is our Chat Zone section which will give you info on other chats: CLICK HERE

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support, information and cyber hugs if you need it.

Good luck!            

Sue


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## Claireybells (Nov 6, 2012)

Hi ruthie,

I seem to be at exactly the same point as you. I started my stims on 8.2.13 and am looking at EC w/c 18 feb!!

I am also feeling the same as you. We have to look after ourselves though. The worrying is normal. My game face is starting to fade too but I've got to keep it up at work. 

I really hope everything goes well for you. 

Claire xx


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## Ruthie79 (Feb 8, 2013)

Hi,

Wraakgodin - thank you so much for your reply, I'll take some time to look through those links and thank you for the tips on how to stay sane!  You are right though about trying to find other things to keep your mind busy - we've been watching loads of films recently...but isn't it ironic how many films there are about people having babies?!  Watched Friends with Kids the other night, v funny but notice how they got preggers after just one shot?!!  If only it was that easy...

Claireybells - how are your stims going?  have you had many side effects?  I feel really tired, but other than that seems to be fine.  Biggest problem has been that my hubby wanted to do the injections for me - I thought he was going to faint afterwards!  

We're going in for a scan on Friday - when is your next scan?  I'm so excited to see how things are progressing and just hope that it's all going to plan.

Being at work and pretending everything is "normal" is tough - I haven't told anyone at work, other than my boss.  So - people must be wondering why I'm quieter than usual but hopefully other than that they don't notice anything different.

The one thing that is really doing my head in is that all the advice is to avoid strenuous exercise at the moment - going for a long run is usually my favorite stress reliever, that or a glass of wine - and they are both banned!!

Good luck Claireybells, hope that you get through this week ok and good luck for next week, all v exciting

xx


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## Claireybells (Nov 6, 2012)

Hi Ruthie,

My stims are going better than expected too.  I'm really tired and am feeling really drained.  I've had a few pains in my lower abdomen but nothing bad.  It doesn't help that I'm trying to get over a cold that I caught from my OH!  

My OH told me straight that he wouldn't be able to do the injections for me but luckily I don't mind them so am happy to do them myself.

A couple of people at my work know, but not many.  I have the next 2 weeks off for treament but no one has really twigged on our diary system so I haven't had to tell them that "I'm visiting my family up north".  That's what me and OH have decided to tell people who don't know.

We're actually having treament in Norway so I have my scan when I get there on Monday.

This week is so difficult, work is busy trying to make sure everything is done before I go and I feel like I'm not organised at all.

Good luck for your scan on Friday and for next week.

Claire xx


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## Ruthie79 (Feb 8, 2013)

Hi Claireybells, Hopefully you are in for EC this week?  We ar,e going in on Tuesday, v excited and nervous. Don't know how to get thro the day a work tomorrow but I know it will be a busy day so that's good to keep my mind focused. 

Feeling v sore and tired and will be so glad to take the last injection tonight, certainly hasn't been the most fun thing to do each night!  

Guess you will be in Norway by now, good luck for this week, hope all goes well
Xx


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## Claireybells (Nov 6, 2012)

Hi ruthie,

I was just going to ask how your scan went on Friday! I guess good as you're booked in for Tuesday. I hope all goes well with EC.  Hopefully work will go quick for you tomorrow. Lots of doing nothing tomorrow evening ready for Tuesday. 

I'm feeling pretty rough with the injections now too. 

We fly out tomorrow morning and I have my scan in the afternoon so will know when EC is then. Just sat in the airport hotel chilling and trying not to be nervous!!

Good luck for you this week too. Let me know how the EC goes. 

Claire xx


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## Ruthie79 (Feb 8, 2013)

Hi Claire, great to hear that you are on your way, good luck for your scan tmrw, lets hope there are lots of follicles to see, it's pretty amazing seeing it on the screen and knowing what's going on inside!

My scan went fine, although v painful as one of my ovaries was playing hide and seek so lots of prodding to find it!  9 decent sized follicles which the nurse said was good, although have been reading posts where people seem to have lots more than that so trying not to freak out. 

Let me know how it goes and I hope you have some good things planned in Norway as well as all the appointments.

Take care and best of luck for tmrw. Xx


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

Ruthie79 said:


> although have been reading posts where people seem to have lots more than that so trying not to freak out.


I had successful IVF with 4 follies, and those follies only gave me a total of 2 eggs. It is quality rather than quantity!!!

            

Sue


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## Ruthie79 (Feb 8, 2013)

Hi Sue,

Thanks - that's such a positive message to hear!  I know it only takes one so I'm focussing all my energy on cooking up a good one!!

Last injection last night - hurrah, feels good not to have to go through that again, my legs are covered in wee bruises, not a good look ;-)

This time tomorrow I should be coming out after EC, can't wait.  Already planning what to eat afterwards as I think I'll be starving from missing breakfast...gotta focus on the important things


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## Claireybells (Nov 6, 2012)

Hi ruthie

I hope tomorrow goes well. Let us know how you get on. 

I'm in for EC on Thursday. 

All the best. 

Claire xx


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## Ruthie79 (Feb 8, 2013)

Hi Claire,

All went fine today, 10 eggs collected so we are really happy with that.. Looks like Sunday for ET but they are going to call tmrw morning to confirm, depends how it goes overnight.

The ET itself was fine, pretty sore afterwards but I was fast asleep so don't remember much of the actual procedure. Best bit was a cup of tea and toast in bed afterwards!!

Thursday will come round in no time, how did your scan go?

Ruth x


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## Claireybells (Nov 6, 2012)

That's great Ruthie. Just make sure you rest and relax as much as possible for the week. 

The scan was ok thanks. Slightly painful, mostly the left side. The left side always hurts! I've just had my trigger shot so just got to wait now. 

Let me know how your embies get on over night. 

Claire. X


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## Claireybells (Nov 6, 2012)

Hey ruthie,

How are you getting on?

I had ET this morning. Had two put back in

Good luck for yours tomorrow. 

Claire. X


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## Ruthie79 (Feb 8, 2013)

Hi Claire, sorry not replied u til now. Congratulations on having two put in, how long until you can test? Keeping fingers crossed for you!!

Unfortunately we didn't get any eggs fertilised despite them injecting five. Heartbreaking really and apparently v unusual for ICSI to fail to fertilise. Suggests there must be a problem. The clinic told me over the phone there might not be any point trying again as might just get same result. Ouch!!!  We are going up to see them tmrw, first time since we got the bad news. Really dreading it and fearful they are going to say no point trying again

Will be glad to get tmrw out of the way and then we will have to figure out where on earth we go from there

Hardest thing ever, it's all just so overwhelming at the moment

Take care and hope you are resting up

Ruth x


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## Claireybells (Nov 6, 2012)

OMG Ruth, I am so sorry.  I don't know what to say.  I bet it was really hard for you when the clinic told you.  I don't think it was right that they said over the phone that they might not be any point in trying again.  They should have just said that there may be a problem but it will be discussed when you go in.  That sort of thing shouldn't be said over the phone.

I hope that you and hubby are looking after each other.  Let me know how you got on at your appointment.  I really hope that they are able to do something so that you can try again.

Take care and look after yourself.  I'm here if you want a chat or a rant.

Thinking of you.

Claire xxx


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## Ruthie79 (Feb 8, 2013)

Hi Claire,

Thanks for your message, agree completely that being told something like that over the phone was out of order.  We've spent the last two weeks since we found out being really sad and worried.  Work for me has gone crazy the last couple of weeks so fortunately I have been so busy I have hardly had time to think, but then when I get time to relax it hits me and all the tears start.

Anyway, back to clinic yesterday, the doctor was more positive and said he thinks we should try again although need to accept that it might be the same result.  Hubby is flying to London on Monday to have some special test done just so we can figure out if there is a problem before we dive into attempt number two.  We are so relieved though that we can at least try again. Just need to be realistic and not get too excited!

Hubby has been wonderful through all this, the silver lining is that we have shown each other how much this means to both of us and have been strong and looked after each other all the way through.  We are lucky that we are so 'together'. Having to pay for the whole thing again is a bit of a pain, but we are lucky that we can, I can't imagine how tough it must be if money was the deciding factor.  I keep telling myself that some people have it so much harder than us but it doesn't help those days when you just feel rubbish.

Anyway, I need some good news so am keeping my fingers crossed for you, are you due to test in the next few days or have you been able to do it already? Must be so exciting and it will be wonderful for you to get a BFP!!!  Very time I read on here that someone has 'made it' it gives me hope.

Hope that you are taking it easy and having lots of rest time.  Are you back from Norway now?

Xx


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## Audiprincess (May 7, 2012)

Hi ruthie

I thought I'd pop on here and see how you are doing, I'm sorry to learn that it didn't work this time, I admire you and hubby for doing it again it must be so hard but if u don't try ull never know right? I wish you all the very best for next time, keep us updated xx


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## Ruthie79 (Feb 8, 2013)

Hey Audiprincess (great name by the way!!)

Thanks so much for your message.  You're right - if we don't try again then we'll always regret it.

Hope things are going well with you - sounds like you're due to do your test this week?  Good luck!!  Will keep everything crossed that you get a positive - must be super-exciting.

x


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