# Hello, little bit of understanding please girls !!



## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

Hi Everyone,

My first time here and unusually I'm a bloke, my wife has booked an appointment at a fertility clinic for the 18th August,we have no children at the moment, she is 41 and I'm 45,we did have one miscarriage about 5 years ago, so she has been pregnant previously so thats good i hope, any useful tips would be greatly appreciated, I'm really excited about the whole thing and so is the wife, should i keep my feet on the ground though, i realise it will be a long road.

Thanks

Dell Boy


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Hi hun - welcome to FF 

The one thing you are guaranteed is understanding!!

There are loads of useful threads to get advice in - and i'm sure a helpful Mod will be along soon with all the links to get you started.

Good luck with it - just wanted to say Hi!

Sallywags


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## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

Hi Sally Wags,

Thanks, appreciate that, usually thing for me i guess, i love kids and cant wait to be a father, the opportunity and the prospect of having children is wonderful, doing everything in my power to keep the dream alive.
Dell boy


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## *Bev* (Dec 20, 2005)

Welcome Dell Boy...

Bev xx


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## foxylady73 (May 11, 2008)

Hi Dell Boy and welcome to FF

You will find lots of support and understanding on here. Sorry to hear that you and your wife have had problems ttc and I wish you lots of luck for your appointment on the 18th. A mod will be along to help you find your way round but to help get you started here is the link to the mens room as you may find it helpful to also chat with other men (although us girls are always happy to chat too!)

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=89.0

I have also added the link for questions to ask at a first fertility appointment:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=148535.0

Hope this helps.

Foxy x


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hell Dell Boy, welcome to Fertility Friends. 

I'll be that mod sallywags is talking about then. 
Yes you will definitely get understanding here. We don't have loads of fellas and they're usually a bit quieter than the ladies (can't think why  ) but still more than welcome everywhere on FF and, in fact, you even get your own little area to chat too:

*The Mens Room ~ *CLICK HERE

Jon (Cheshire Cheese) moderates there normally and he'd be delighted to have a new bloke on board to chat to.

Now, treatment wise, yes a previous pregnancy is a good sign, however you should never take anythign for granted in this game and your clinic will want to do a full gamut of tests first (if you haven't already had them) to find out what, if anything, has prevented conception so far. You ages are a little against you and I will warn you now that the clinic may be fairly pessimistic about that (and may even scare you a bit by mentioning donor eggs) but, frankly, I would wait and see how your blood tests come back before you start thinking the worst. 
As a basic guide your wife needs to have her FSH and AMH measured (you can look these up later to see what they mean), and her progesterone level checked on day 21 of her cycle. They will ask you to do a sperm sample (maybe there and then - well not in the consultant room with everyone watching but at the tiome of the consultation - so abstain for a day or 2 before just in case). They may also suggest either a laparocopy for your wife, or a hysteroscopy. Given your relative ages, it's likely they will say that, even if no medical reasons can be found for your lack of conception, they will recommend a treatment anyway and suggest you don't hang about so, you might even find yourself coming out of there pretty much ready to go!

I am going to leave you those links sallywags mentioned now:

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*FERTILITY INFO GUIDES ~ *CLICK HERE

*Starting out & Diagnosis ~ *CLICK HERE

*Questions for your first cycle consultation ~ (use the ones that apply) *CLICK HERE

And don't forget to have a bit of fun while you are on FF and check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area:

*Girl & Boy talk - Community & Fun Board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie night in the chat room every week (*Wednesday at 8pm*), where you can meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

Loads of luck for your consultation on the 18th.  Please don't forget to pop back here to this thread and keep us updated on how things go. 

C~x


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## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

Hi Caz,

Thanks for the reply, just a question and it may seem a bit dumb but with a donor egg will the baby have any biologicial(right word?) connection to my wife, looks/character/blood or just be linked to me?

Thanks

Dell Boy


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

If it is donor egg, genetically it will not be "related" to your wife. It will be 50% you and 50% donor. However, in this country at least, and some of the more organised ones abroad, clinics will try and match the recipient to a donor with similar physical characteristics. 
Frankly, my view is that what makes a mother is a lot more to do with the love you feel for that child and the love they have back for you than any genetic or even biological link they might have. I egg shared whenI did IVF so I donated half my eggs to another couple. I did this 4 times and I know at least one of those donations resulted in a baby for the other couple that they would otherwise not have had. That, in my opinion, is 100% their baby and the woman is his/her mother in every way that counts. 

If you want to explore thoughts and feelings around egg donation a bit more then it might be well to have a little look on the Donor boards here:

*Donor sperm/eggs ~ *CLICK HERE

I am sure you will find many FFers who can talk to you about their feelings when goin through the process of accepting donor gametes to conceive.

Can I ask a nosey question and ask what clinic you will be having your consultation at? 

C~x


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## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

Hi Caz,

No problem with being nosey, happy to be helpful all i can, its the London Fertility Clinic in Harley Street London W1

What is your experience of this clinic or its reputuation

Dell boy


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Ooh well if it helps hun i have one beautiful little girl from LFC (not Off the Shelf, obviously!!!  that would make life easier, wouldn't it?!?), and am going in on Friday for them to make me another one!! (fingers crossed!)

good luck!!


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## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

Ah, so not bad at all then, any tips or things we should do when we go, nice to hear of a sucess story from them, what made you go there ?

Dell Boy


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

My consultant works as a 'satellite' in Portsmouth, and EC and ET are done in LFC - so it was the consultant that i chose rather than the clinic. Actually i have to be honest, i did no research at all and was referred to him - i didn't look around anywhere else!  luckily he is brilliant and i wouldn't want anyone else.

The embryolgists at LFC are excellent, and while it is a slightly funny little place, they have a good reputation.


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## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

OK - so i guess we receive the same type of treatment as you did, for my part I'm really upbeat about this and hopefully the DW is also, obviously, she just picked them off the internet but having been round this board/site a little I'm learning a lot in one afternoon, it was the same with the miscarriage, barely knew the word existed before it happened but afterwards knew as much as the doctors, well at least i thought i did, you seem quite prolific with your replies across the site, may i ask how old you were when you had your child, as age is a factor for all of us i guess.

Thanks

Dell Boy


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

i was 32 when i had Mollie - but dh was 43.  He was 45 on monday, and is stressing that he is getting too old for this!!  We are in a slightly different situation - we originally embarked on treatment as dh had had a vasectomy years ago. we had it reversed and then went for ICSI.  when we got our test results back we also found I had raised FSH, meaning my ovaries are a bit knackered!! 

it looks like I would have had problems conceiving, even if i hadn't married a dh with a vasectomy!!


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## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

Hi again,

What is ISCI  I'm really fascinated by all of this, spoke to the DW yesterday, she said the clinic are sending us some forms to fill out prior to our appointment, what sort of questions are on there, I'm assuming it's just background info, 

Regards

Dell Boy


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

ICSI = Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection. You know when you normally seem media images depicting IVF - someone inserting a tiny instrument into an egg and injecting the sperm into it? This is actually ICSI. Standard IVF your eggs and sperm are prepared, and then put in a petri dish together and the sperm still have to make their own way to the egg and to fertillise it. For the majority of couples - if there are no male factor issues or fertilisation issues, standard IVF works well enough. ICSI is also a lot more expensive - upwards of £500 to £1100 extra. 

I'll let sallywags answer the question about the forms as she's a patient there and will know best. 

C~x


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## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

Hi There,

Caz mentioned you are a patient at the London Fertility Clinic, we have an appointment on the 18/8/08 -10 days, they are sending us some forms, are this just basic medical background stuff and also what has been your experience of LFC, any pitfalls/tips/things to be careful of etc.

Regards

Dell Boy


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## redstar (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi
I am new here and thought i would say hello. We too have our first appointment on the 18th of August,
am i little nervous about it as well

Richvic


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## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

Hi Richvic,

OK, thats good, i think i have a found a good support group here, i hope you do also, oddly for a bloke a little of the wording is alien to me " showing" and A/F , never a nice topic for me but i have to put that to one side, sometimes its almost as though i have eavesdropped into a conversation in the ladies toilets here.

Looking forward to the 18th though, really positive and expect a few knockbacks but of the mind set i will do anything of what it takes.

Good luck

Dell Boy


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## Flip-Flop (May 29, 2007)

Hi Dell Boy

Just a little tip - you can send any member of Fertility Friends a PM (Personal Message) just click onto the scroll like icon underneath names (a little further down page) and it will take you to the personal message page.  

Just in case you dont get a reply from Sally Wags, you can send her the same question via PM although I am sure she will be along sometime soon to help you.

I have just read your other post regarding your introduction and wanted to say that you sound like a very supportive husband who is out to find out as much as he can in order to understand the situation you both find yourselves in.

Wishing you all the luck in the world for your initial consultation and any treatment you may have and hope that this journey turns out to be a short and sweet one with a lovely bundle of joy at the end of it.

Kindest 

Kerri (flip-flop)


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## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

Thanks Hon, that was very sweet

Dell Boy


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Hi Dellboy - thanks Caz!

I'm not sure what forms they will send you - the only ones i have this time are consent forms, so not sure what they will send? it may be some general info - it's such a long time ago that we started, that i really can't remember any more!! 

Lol to your comment ref the ladies loo - well at least you will be fully equipped to support your DW!! (and we don't mind you eavesdropping, or even joining in!!)


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

You'd be surpirsed how boring the conversations in ladies toilets really are! 

C~x


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## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

Hi Girls,

Got the forms yesterday, you were right they were just conset forms and personal details, guess what, posted first thing this morning, great isn't it, i don't mind coming across enthusiastic although was a little put out today about the big news story on Clomid and the other treatment, also a little disappointing to hear Lord Winston interview on Radio 4 this morning and say that ttc is still the best way, OK fine, but surely all of this is not just an expensive waste of time and money, I guess that is just one of the treatments on offer, not good PR for any of the clinics though

Cheers

Dell Boy


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

I thought that too!!  i'm sure that will be the case for some people, but not a lot of us!!


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## Topkat08 (Jul 23, 2008)

Hi just been reading the posts on here and came across



Dell Boy said:


> i don't mind coming across enthusiastic although was a little put out today about the big news story on Clomid and the other treatment,


Please tell me what the Big News Story on Clomid is...

Thanks in Advance
Take Care All

Nikki x


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

What i heard, in a nutshell, was the opinion that the percentage of couples with 'unexplained' infertility who will get pregnant with treatment such as clomid and iui is the same in the long run as the percentage who would eventually get pregnant naturally.

I didn't really hear much else....

and i'd like to hear what the ladies on here who have got pg with iui and clomid have to say about it!!!


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## professor waffle (Apr 23, 2005)

Well I don't agree about IUI as it worked for me! There is a thread on this in the news section for anyone who wants to comment though


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## Dell Boy (Aug 6, 2008)

Hi Everyone,

Just another blokey question for the girls,should  we keep trying to ttc naturally up to and during the tx assuming its possible and also will they do a blood test/urine test to see if she is pregnant before starting treatment, that would be a laugh wouldn't it, also met a friend of mine whose wife is having a baby in December, she is same age as my DW and he said that many of the women in the clinic she goes to are the same age and older, they are both 41.

Comments as always please


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## cawallinger (Aug 10, 2008)

I've just had this exact conversation with my DH today! We have decided to enjoy TTC naturally whilst waiting for our appointment. Your DW can always do a regular pregnncy test should her AF be late!
Fingers crossed, that would save a lot of hassle  

Catherine


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## Blade Runner (Aug 6, 2008)

Hi DB

It's fine to have bags of TTC naturally until the start of your tx!!! After that I believe it's protected only!! They dont want a pregnancy with all those follicles growing multiple eggs, could get very crowded in there if you catch my drift!!


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Dell Boy said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> Just another blokey question for the girls,should we keep trying to ttc naturally up to and during the tx assuming its possible and also will they do a blood test/urine test to see if she is pregnant before starting treatment..


Yes absolutely! Keep trying au naturel alll the way. Once you start treatment you might be asked to lay off or you might not feel much like it but clinic advice does vary on this so check.

They normally won't do a blood / urine test no, but tx is timed usually from day 1 of your cycle, often with downregulating starting on day 21 so, again, you might want to use protection on that cycle to be sure (but I have known people get pg while down regulating too! )

C~x


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