# Anyone else struggling over christmas



## cowardly custard (Nov 12, 2005)

It is supposed to be a happy time and a time with family but i feel like i have a cloud over me. We have no kids and i guess it is just rammed down our throats more at christmas time. Those with kids moan about them getting up early etc etc and us without would give our right arm to spend the day with our own child.

Sorry to be all doom and gloom but i am really struggling today and that just isnt like me. I am so hoping next year will be different


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Spangle

I can totally understand how you feel-  - Christmas is a very hard time for all of us who want to have little people waking us up as silly o'clock and enjoying every min of it.

We have young Nieces/Nephew from DH side and as much as i love them i find it so hard to see them and think of "our children" where ever they are (Approved however not matched yet)

I will be hosting a chat session tomorrow night if you want to join me - it will be in the adoption room of chat (password required - if you need it please shout my way)

Hugs

M J
xxx


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## cowardly custard (Nov 12, 2005)

Will do, it is just so hard when the focus is on families and that is the only thing in the world you dont have (meaning your own kids)
Every year has been the same for the last 11 years, just feeling sorry for myself i think!


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## Tracylou (May 6, 2005)

Hi Spangle.

I know exactly how you feel hun    

This year my neice is 19 months old so she understood christmas a bit more.  It broke my heart to see her opening her presents   

You have every right to feel down and upset hun, remember we are here for you 

Love
Tracy


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hi, i also know how you feel, in fact i posted a message with a very similar title to yours a year ago!

I think i've blubbed more this year than any other, and it doesn't take much to set me off - Christmas Carols mentioning waiting for a baby, children in church with their presents, anything really!!!  I think what's really got me this year is knowing that out there somewhere is our son or daughter celebrating Christmas without us.

A lot has moved on for us this year, and 2008 is going to be amazing for so many of us - but lets hibernate through January!!!  

Bx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

HI
Another one feeling abit blue I'm afraid!  Christmas Eve I cooked for my nephew who was 8 yesterday, we always have a separate birthday for him, then yesterday we spent it with my parents and my brother and family.  I love my neice and nephew beyond words but it was so hard seeing the 'family' having Christmas, sometimes I felt as though I was an outsider looking in and that they couldn't see me.

Christmas hasn't affected me this much for the last few years, some previous one had been really bad, but I've been thinking of the little boy we turned down and wondering how long into the New Year we will have to wait before hearing again, hoping the next 1 or 2 will be the right ones and we don't have to make that hard decision again.

Today we have an adult day with in laws but we will hear none stop about their Christmas Day with DH's brother and his family.

I'm not getting rid of January, I'm hoping it will bring us all good news so we can get our families quickly, be settled and leading a family life ready for a fantastic Christmas 2008!  I also want to go on a family holiday in 2008........

Love
OT x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Ladies

My heart really does go out to you all at this time of year, YES it is a difficult time of year when you have no children, it can also be a difficult time for other reasons, anniversaries of losses.

I am so lucky I know that & I did not moan about the children waking up early in fact it was the other way around!

Anyway I've gone off the track there a bit ............ what I wanted to say to you all is this is sadly another part of the grieving process and accepting and moving on............this time next year will so so diffrent for most of you & I think you are all going to make wonderful parents who will be sharing your joys about Christmas with us all next year.

I'm sorry you feel like this, you are truly amazing people for expressing how you are feeling & you know we are all here on here to support you through bad times and good, so sending you all a hug & hoping the new year brings you all news you'd like! 

Love
Andrea
xx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

sending you all big    i remember how it feels (i don't think i'll ever forget) when you are waiting for your very own family and xmas just brings home what you are missing    I hope you have all made it through without too much sadness  not long now and it's goodbye 2007 and hello 2008 and i'm sure we'll have loads of new families on here  

pam xx


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## sanita (Oct 27, 2005)

Yes, I too remember last Christams as being very down.  I was so stressed and anxious I ended up in A&E on Xmas eve with mystery tummy pains that I now realise were purely stress related.

Depsite dire warnings from our SWs about the possibility of our kids going into meltdown on Christmas day, them handing us emergency contact numbers and pre arranging to call us today for a welfare check, we have had a wonderful time.

I really think that the stress of waiting for our families is not properly recognised.  I can certainly say that despite our struggles since the children have been placed I am a far more relaxed and happy person than I was this time last year.

To all of those that are still waiting, take heart, you have most likely just survived your last childless Christmas.  2008 is going to be YOUR year.

Love Sanita xx


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## MollyB1 (Apr 26, 2007)

I am so glad there are other people out there that feel like me.
I have never felt as low as i have done these last few days ever before. I always knew this time of year would be tough, but to spend most of Christmas day in tears has been hideous  
I just find the "unknown" of where will we be this time next year very hard to deal with.
But to know that i am not on my own helps a little...
XX

PS Hope yo don't mind me popping onto this board - we are having another go at ICSI early next year, but adoption is something that we have talked about so often pop on here for a read of your posts.


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## MollyB1 (Apr 26, 2007)

MollyB1 said:


> I am so glad there are other people out there that feel like me.


Sorry, just re-read that, & I am NOT glad there are other people out there that feel like me! Because i wouldn't wish this on anyone, hope you all knew what i meant! 
X


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Boggy said:


> I think what's really got me this year is knowing that out there somewhere is our son or daughter celebrating Christmas without us.


I feel the same way- have thought non stop about "where" are children are at the moment.

2008 is goi9ng to be a fantastic year for us all

Love and Hugs

Mez
xxx

PS- i am hosting chat for anyone who wants to come join me tonight from 8pm-nibbles and drinks will be provided.

xxx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

MollyB1 said:


> MollyB1 said:
> 
> 
> > I am so glad there are other people out there that feel like me.
> ...


I totally understand what you mean.

Your welcome to join us on here anytime- good luck for your ICSI cycle

xxx


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## cowardly custard (Nov 12, 2005)

I hope you are all feeling a bit better, i know i am but did get one comment yesterday from some one who asked me what i did and then said 'i often wonder what people without children do!!!' talk about stick the knife in!

Now i just have to get new years eve over with, another festivity that makes me sad, every year i try to look with new hope and every year we seem to get no closer, hopefully this will be theyear that it all changes though (and then it is my birthday but the less said about that the better, at least i get all the celebrations over within a week!)

So positive heads on and heres to a wonderful 2008!


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## Anabelle (Nov 6, 2004)

spangle, I have the same cloud hanging over me too, it just doesnt seem to want to go away   .  Have spent a couple of hours at the shops, taking things back, looking for bargains, and I've come home in such an awful, angry, desperately unhappy mood.  This hurts so so much.  

Just want to send you all a huge  , and hope and pray that it's our turn in 2008. (Can we skip January cos it's the big 40 for me)

A
xx


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## cowardly custard (Nov 12, 2005)

Its hard isnt it, i feel angry too and while i know the reason why i judt dont understand how it can take hold of you, i normally only feel like this for new years eve and my birthday as they are all milestones of reminders as to yet another year and all that.

Hopefully you will get a wonderful birthday present of a match in Jan!


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

spangle - sending you big cuddles.  i know how you feel, a couple of NY eve ago i just broke down on the stairs of my friends house and cried and cried and cried.  i was just soooo fed up being the strong one all the time and making everything appear ok on the outside when clearly it wasnt.

last year husband decided he did not want kids so had an absolutely crap xmas and new year with us deciding to end our marriage in feb.  so this year it leaves me, childless and partnerless.  a situation a few years ago i never ever thought i would be in.  I am however soo soo lucky to be surrounded with great friends who have helped me greatly over this last year that actually, although in some ways its a time of sorrow, its actually a new year, a new start, a new life, a new man perhaps who knows!!  and all that makes me very excited indeed.

so to all you ladies, its nearly 2008, its time to say goodbye to 2007 and the crap you have had to deal with and realise that in a few days time you are that one step closer to being parents.....and fab ones at that!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!XXXXXXXXXX


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Ladies
Hope you have all managed to get through the last few days without too much pain and tears, I for one will be glad to ge into 2008, back to work and waiting for that call....at the moment nothing can happen cos SW is on holiday as well.  I was watching Casulty the other day and there was an abandoned baby on there, I said to DH I wonder if there have been any left locally.....we are down for abandoned babies as well and you just never know.....

I really hope 2008 brings us all happy news and the families we long for, that this time next year we will all be exhausted from overly excited children and a hectic but happy Christmas.

Love
OT xx


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Christmas is such an emotional time and there is so much pressure to have a good time, quite apart from the fact that some of us are waiting for our families. I think it's perfectly human to get a bit tearful at this time of year and we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves for having a cry. It shows we are human and the fact that we love children so much shows what great parents we will make 

My sister in law had a baby boy 8 days before Christmas and she is so excited and besotted with him, which is lovely to see, but only made me even more broody than normal and because we have unexplained infertility, I started to blame my complete fear of giving birth for us not having children and I haven't done that for a while. I just have to keep telling myself we should be going to panel in a couple of months and then before we know it we might have a family.

On Christmas Day we saw my 2 year old nephew and family. He is perfect in every way, blue eyed, blonde hair and so intelligent and chatty and seeing him with his Great Grannie and my Mum & Dad was lovely, but soooo tough. Then when he sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star the only reason I managed to control my feelings was because I was videoing it and couldn't wobble with tears!

I'm not going to make any new year resolutions this year. But I will make a little wish at midnight that next year, after nearly 10 years of waiting, we will have our family and that everyone of you waiting for your family will see your dreams come true.

Don't be too hard on yourselves and enjoy the bubbly tonight.

Happy New Year

love from Bluebells xxxx


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

just wanted to say happy birthday spangle. hope you manage to have a special day
x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

spangle - just wanted to add my birthday wishes along with boomerang girls.

Keep your fingers crossed, think positive & you may get your birthday wish................our DS moved in the day before my 30th, nearly 11 years ago now, my birthday is January as well.

What a fantastic birthday present that would be, a new year a new start for all of you, things hopefully will be so different for you all this year.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

To All

Here's to 2008 being 'THE' Year


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## cowardly custard (Nov 12, 2005)

Aww thanks ladies, i am feeling really positive now that Christmas and new year are out the way with, i will be calling my SW tomorrow and ask for an update and see if i can push things along a little, she hasnt been in touch since the 5th November!!

Will let you know how i get on

Thanks again for the Birthday wishes

Spangle
xx


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## poppygirl (Jul 23, 2007)

I've just read your post. I ma so sorry that you feel so down, hopefully by the time you read this, you will be happier. I knwo exactly what you mean, it's that sense that people just don't know how lucky they are and you feel you would do it ten times better if only you had the chance!

I know it's easier said than done, but try to keep busy, do something with your hubby/partner that people with children can't and be nice to yourself - have a massage, get your hair done or just take your book and a glass of wine into the bath!
Keep your chin up - you never know what's going to happen next - your turn will come!

Happy New Year, hope all your wishes come true in 2008!

Poppy


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## coxy (Aug 4, 2005)

Hi,

i felt the same over xmas, we are the only couple in both families without kids and it makes it hard, xmas day just seems so boring when its just adults, we are so hoping to be matched with a child asap and then have them with us for xmas 2008.

We always go panto every xmas and again im the only one without a child and i feel weird, especially as my auntie was talking about some xmas thing at the NEC b'ham that we can all go to this year with the kids (i have to bite my tongue!)

Julia x


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## cowardly custard (Nov 12, 2005)

Coxy, snap, we go to the panto every year and are the only ones without kids, i am fed up with borrowing everyone elses kids!

We do lots of child orintated activities as our best friends have kids, she did let slip the other day that it would be noce to go out with other couples who had kids as well. :O(

Hopeing next Christmas you wont have a moments peace lol

Spangle
xx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

i went to the panto with my friends and last year (and not a child between us) but we say we are getting into practice for for the when we have our children to take with us.  It is hard as so much Xmas things are focused on chidlren/families.
Wishing you  loads of luck for the adoption/matching 
L x


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