# Do you tell your employer you are in the process of adopting?



## coxy (Aug 4, 2005)

Hi, 
Im posting this for a friend, as I mentioned to her what a great site this was!

Shes in the early stages of the adoption process, attending Information Evenings, but she hasnt told her employer yet that she is in the adoption process, as her supervisor is very negative about people wanting children (as she has no desire to have kids) and 3 members of the team recently went off on maternity leave, so obviously my friend is very reluctant to say anything until things get more definate, but what she is concerned about, is if she hasnt told her employer about adopting, do SW's write to your work place and ask for references about you?

Any info I can pass on will be gratefully received!

Thanks
Julia


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## Ann (Mar 21, 2002)

Hi Julia,

I was very open with my boss but as a nanny I had no choice really!!! My friend who has recently adopted 3   did not tell her work untill she was matched with them - I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall - (by the way I am leaving in a month to have 3 children!!!!!!!!!!!) She was worried how they would take it as she was very close to lots of people including her boss - but they threw a huge party and brought lots of presents for them and the girls.  She may not want to leave it that late but she can if she wants too as they do not need references from work.

Love Ann xx


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## coxy (Aug 4, 2005)

Hi Ann

Thanks very much for the message, I will pass it onto my friend, she will be sooooo pleased.

Good luck with the children!

Love
Julia xx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

I was told by my sw that they would need references from employers if you work with children otherwise they were no interested   so as long as your friend doesn't work in childcare i would say its up to her when she tells 

pam xx


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## coxy (Aug 4, 2005)

Hi Pam,

Thanks for the message, she works at a University, so I guess that wouldnt count?

Julia


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## kizzie (Jun 2, 2005)

Hi - I dont work with children but still needed a work reference (to vouch for my general personality / reliability etc.)
So once your friend gets to the stage of written references she may not be able to keep it a secret any longer.  Sorry    I think its depends on the agency though so she may be lucky!
Kizziex


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## coxy (Aug 4, 2005)

Hi Kizzie,

Shes doing it through the county council.

Julia x


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

We both neeeded a reference from work to confirm our salary details...so I guess that was a bit of a clue for them 

not long afterward I spoke to HR to find out if i got entitlement for leave for meetings so that's whebn it became public knowledge.

To be honest it has been great having people at work knowing what's going on .  they don't resent me getting half days every week and they are very supportive and helpful with the whole thing.

Magenta x


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## Arniegirl (Aug 24, 2005)

Hi!
I've just told my employer, as I needed a morning off for our interview. She was very positive about it. She knew that we had been having fertility problems, so I suppose it wasn't a complete suprise.I will need a work reference anyway, as I am a Teacher!
Good luck!
Arniegirlx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Julia

Personally I think it'd be best for your friend to be honest with her employer. My boss is out of the stone-age! When he had his children, (500 years ago) "people didn't have time off for this and that" etc etc so you can imagine how he felt when I told him I'd be going through IVF and would need time off... he wasn't happy - but to my face he was delighted for us! Because to be honest if he hadn't been told directly of my intentions, then he could've made up some excuse to get me out of my position. Whereas, once he'd had that conversation with me, he knew he could nothing about it, but support me, because it's the law!
As you can imagine he's been planning and dreading my 6 months maternity for the past 3 years! When we finally got round to adoption, he was genuinely pleased for us (but relieved when I went back to work - in November)!!

I also think that the extra support from work colleagues can go a long way.
We didn't have references from work, but it'd mean an extra pressure to keep it secret.

My views anyway. Best of luck to your friend
x


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