# jeremy vine today - radio 2



## wee emma (Nov 15, 2007)

anyone hear the discussion this afternoon?

it was about whether those who want ivf should just adopt instead. A doctor (a doctor!) said on it that he thought "barren" (barren!!) women should just get over their infertility problems and adopt as there's too many children in the world anyway.

i've been furious all afternoon.


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## Kerry Crabtree (Feb 19, 2007)

i heard it


nothing i havent heard before but i was sat seething in morrisons car park!


this attitude is perhaps the worst you can come across and is sooooooo common with those thinking it having the good fortune to never be in this place.


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## lollipops (Oct 17, 2009)

Omg! Really! What kind of idiot doctor was he? No doubt he has children of his own and a perfectly fertile wife ! What a insensitive , shallow man! I agree , im fuming too and didn't even hear the interview!


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## Kerry Crabtree (Feb 19, 2007)

i just emailed the show.


this really is a common thought that i have come across loads. we should start questioning every one who has a child as to why they chose not to adopt when there are obviously loads of poor orphans out there!


i will only ever accept it as a geniune question from someone who has adopted themselves other than that i turn it round on them!


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## speeder (Jul 9, 2008)

Yes it was very typical Jeremy Vine - never the time to present a balanced discussion.  Chuck in one guy with emotive views against a woman with 3 kids and bang, let's hope there is a row. In my view it's a poor show.

The chap pro adoption, in fairness, was so because he himself had been adopted and it had worked out very well and I have to confess I was moved when he said he thanked his adoptive parents each day (now deceased) for adopting him.

But then of course the show tried to make the subject more exciting and sexy by then saying that meant all "barren" couples (yes, that word was used, much to my horror) should adopt and not undertake IVF.  I found the arguments for "forcing" couples into adoption were frankly immature and ill thought out.  

As I've said many times to DH we would have adopted had it not been so blooming hard to do so in this country.  I felt like calling the show up to say so but realised what is the point - they only read out the extreme views anyway.  

Used to like his show and the past few years I've gone to actively disliking it.


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## lollipops (Oct 17, 2009)

Speeder - I didn't realise the chap had been adopted himself and I suppose it does put a slightly different twist on the topic. But overall I think its extreme to go around dictating that all 'baron' women should adopt. As you say , its not an easy process and the red tape and length of time are enough to put a lot of people off. If in our hearts we have accepted that we can't have our own biological child , then adoption is a savior for some couples. Some couples get put off the rollercoaster of ivf so never venture down the route in the first place and opt for adoption ( I know a couple who did this)....we all differ in our needs to have a child. Theres no right or wrong. As you ladies have said , its a lame excuse of a discussion and unfair of the BBC to be so one sided about it!


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## speeder (Jul 9, 2008)

I agree Lollipop!  Perhaps a show about people who are desperate to adopt - or one about those who have been put off from doing so - would be more appropriate.  But I've long since realised that the JV show doesn't tackle these difficult subjects!!!!

There was a show a few months ago about adopting children from different nationalities and again, people were phoning up saying they would LOVE to adopt any child but had been turned down and I remember feeling so angry that it's made so hard for these loving caring couples to adopt.  Of course we need regulations and guidance for the child's safety but hasn't it gone too far?  Folk who are adopting these days are by and large desperate for a child - it's not like they are going into it half heartedly!! 

We are trying for a second child and, as I've said, did discuss adoption but just felt it was going to be too hard - and have chosen tx instead (which as we all know is no picnic). 

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!


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## wee emma (Nov 15, 2007)

he was adopted and i also thought it was good of him to acknowledge what his adoptive parents did for him BUT his views towards those who have fertility problems were a disgrace. he had us all thrown into the same boat and tried to paint it that ivf treatment costs about £12000, then said "i'd like to know who's expected to pay for that" or something along those lines.

At no point have i said i wouldn't adopt and at no point have i said i wouldn't adopt someone with a disability (a girl rang in saying that she was blind and she doubted anyone would've adopted her...oh yes, and that there are people worse of than us so we should get over it...).

i listened to it again last night and he's a medical lecturer at a hospital (something like that). DH was horrified at him. The use of the word barren was unbelievable, i rang in to complain but my opinion didn't clearly count as I wasn't biased enough obviously.

i honestly didnt see the point in it. it wasn't even something worth discussing.


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## MandyPandy (May 10, 2010)

Kerry Crabtree said:


> i just emailed the show.
> 
> this really is a common thought that i have come across loads. we should start questioning every one who has a child as to why they chose not to adopt when there are obviously loads of poor orphans out there!
> 
> i will only ever accept it as a geniune question from someone who has adopted themselves other than that i turn it round on them!


I confided in one of my friends that dh and I were told we would not be able to conceive naturally and had to go through IVF. His response was to start shouting at me and yelling that I was being selfish by not adopting, etc., etc. Oh yes, I should add that he is young and single.

Needless to say I haven't seen or spoken to this 'friend' since.


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## MandyPandy (May 10, 2010)

Re: the Jeremy Vine show - I listened to it but took it with a pinch of salt.

The views of those who stated that people with infertility issues should be forced to adopt came across as highly subjective, emotive and ill informed.


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## slinkyfish (Jan 17, 2007)

Sorry, the man and the show is a waste of time and money! They put guests on with extreme views to get peoples shackles up and make a mockery of some very difficult and emotive issues. I would vote with your OFF buttons ladies and not waste another thought on it xxxx


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## lconn (Sep 4, 2009)

Hello girls, I didnt hear the interview, but just reading what yous have said is enough.They just all sound like right idiots, and (apart from the kids who have lost parents tragically or similar) their wouldnt hardly be any kids on the register if those who had them in the first place looked after them theirselves properly instead of taking the easy route them selves or because of neglect theyve had to have them taken off them.I want my own kids and dont see why im forced to look after someone elses as my own, so will continue trying ourselves despite what others say.Adoption isnt for us though i think its great that people do it,but i dont like that attitude that we should all adopt to lessen the burden on population.


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## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

Anyone who asks me why I don't just adopt gets the question now either ''why did you not adopt instead of having kids'' or ''when you are thinking about conceiving in the future perhaps you would like to adopt instead, as you obviously think it is a great and easier option''

Of course everyone with half a brain would know that they provide social security benefits and houses to teenage girls now so it is possible for them to keep the baby. It is socially acceptable to have 5 kids by different fathers by 22 years old, be a single mother and keep them all in a neglected state.
Where are all these babies that are lined up for us to adopt?

I know someone in her 40s who was adopted in the '60s - of course in those days girls were encouraged to put babies up for adoption and there was no infertility treatment available, so women were able to adopt fairly easily.

I personally do not want my entire life put up for scrutiny over months and then in front of a panel and told whether I am suitable to be a parent or not. I need if possible to have the whole pregnancy/breast feeding early baby days with a baby I know is treated well from conception.

Why should I be denied that just because I married someone infertile when there are options to overcome it.


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