# Please tell me it doesn't work like that!



## dragonfly10 (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm just in dire need of someone to knock some sense into me  . From 3 IVF's, I've had 1 early miscarriage, 2 failed cycles despite 'beautiful' blasts and 1 failed FET. I've always been a good responder but I've given up on me and am heading for donor egg in just a few weeks time.

I was starting to get myself in a good place and starting to put some hope into this cycle (which is not easy), but today I have the phone call that we all dread. Another best friend is pregnant. I'm so happy for her, I know she was desperate for number 2, but it's on the back of my other best friend who's 20 weeks with number 2. 

But all I can think is 'well that's it for me then!'. I just can't see any hope in my cycle now. My mind is just reeling with 'it can't happen for me as well'. It can't happen that 3 incredibly close friends can be pregnant at the same time. I feel like it's all over again before it's even started.

My mum has tried to make me feel better by saying that 'it doesn't work like that' but my mind keeps reeling telling me that other people's pregnancies reduce your own chances. Am I the only idiot that thinks this way?? Is this what infertility does to you? Stops you thinking logically. 

I just wanted to go in to this with some PMA but it feels knocked out of me  . 

I hope I don't sound bitter and twisted because I love my friends, it's not their pregnancies that hurts it's my inability to do the same.

Dragonfly XX


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Hey dragonfly, having had 1 m/c and 2 failed cycles too I know exactly how you feel, my friend has just accidentally fallen pregnant with her 3rd!  Almost everyone I work with has had 2 and 3 kids while we have been going through all this!  At times I like you have felt so lost and sad, IVF really does make us crazy!  But you know what the best things come to those who wait and it will be even more special when it does happen,


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Hi Dragonfly

Infertility does indeed stop us thinking logically - I said to a friend only fairly recently that infertility can send the most sane person absolutely   , and I think that's true.  I think your mum is right and things don't happen like that, there isn't a 'quota' of pregnancies handed out each month, but the trouble is when faced with IF it often feels like that and then we convince ourselves that it must be true.

You certainly don't sound bitter and twisted, you sound like someone who is hurting a great deal and feeling frustrated by your situation, a situation you feel powerless to control.  It's incredibly hard to sit back and watch others supposedly falling pregnant so easily when you're struggling so much - it hurts  

I know it's very difficult to keep up a PMA, but we have to try (I'm finding it difficult at the moment too), I know it can be tiring and draining though.

Try and stay strong, and believe that the way you are feeling is perfectly normal and understandable.  Sending lots of luck for your next cycle  

 xxx


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## boris3428 (Oct 3, 2012)

I had to reply to this, dragonfly10, as I am clearly in cuckoo land with you!! 

I know it isn't logical, but every time that I hear a friend has got pregnant, who has probably tried once ... ever ... I can't help but feel like it reduces my chances. The fact that I know it isn't logical doesn't seem to help! 

At least you are managing to stay friends with your pregnant friends - you should feel pretty proud of yourself for that. I have taken the cowards way out, and am ignoring any of my friends who are pregnant or have young children!! Sounds awful, but I just can't handle it right now. 

I am keeping my fingers tightly crossed that things work out for you soon. 

Jenny x


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## jenni01 (Oct 15, 2010)

Hi Hun! 
Don't worry your not the only one! 
Like the other girl's have said the Infertility Road is a bumpy one and drive's many of us nut's!! 
But you will get there hun!  
Try to stay strong and focused!
You're doing better than me! I won't go in my garden in the summer if my neighbour's are out cos they have a little baby girl!  
Good Luck for the future hun! 
Jen.x


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## dragonfly10 (Dec 5, 2010)

Thank you so much ladies for your lovely comments, I rarely post on FF but just so needed some support the other day and there you were! It was so appreciated  . You're all so right, this journey does drive you nuts and sometimes you just need to take a deep breath and hear some sound advice from people who really understand. I'm trying hard now to get some PMA as my donor starts stims on Friday  , so meds, jabs and scans here I come. 

Crazyroychick - I saw from your bit at the bottom, that you have a FET planned. Wishing you the very best of luck whenever you go for it. The best things do come to those who wait and we'll get there!

Nosilab - I'm so very sorry about your recent BFN, it just hurts so very much. I hope you have made a plan for next steps, it is so hard to find the PMA. You put it beautifully there isn't a 'quota' but oh my it feels like that sometimes. You just can't imagine how it can possibly happen for you with so many happening around you. I'm so hoping that you get that longed for BFP soon.

Boris 3428 - good luck on your journey. I have to be honest, I'm trying hard with my friends but a colleague at work recently became pregnant and I avoided her for nearly 3 months, it's just so painful so I totally get the avoid strategy. 

Jenni01 - it's crazy the things we can't handle isn't it. You just never know how it's going to hit you and when. Luckily my neighbours are all in their 50's/60's so no babies around  . I did see from your signiture that you've had a really tough time and I really hope things change very soon and you get there!

Again thank you ladies for being there when I had my miserable moment . Sending all the positive wishes I can for successful cycles for you all soon  

  Dragonfly X


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better about things, moving forward with tx certainly helps with the PMA.  Lots and lots of luck for your cycle    xx


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## jenni01 (Oct 15, 2010)

Thank's Dragonfly! 
Yep like many other's on here I've been through the mill!! 
But...I won't give up!  
Good luck to you hun! and don't forget we're all here anytime you want a chat or a rant!! 
Take care hun!
Jen.x


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## Shoegirl10 (Dec 24, 2011)

I have had this bookmarked and didnt want to read and run

I too also feel what you are going through.
All I hear are pregnancy announcements - 12 week scan pictures on **, or questions such as "Have you got children? When are you going to have children?"
You are not alone and this journey is so difficult.
Nevertheless last night one of my FF gave birth to a beautiful boy after 7 years of IVF and I have never felt so happy for her

There is hope and we will get there - we have to find that inner strength
  
XX


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