# Burst into tears at work today :(



## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

Hi, 

I'm new to fertility friends and was hoping for some support.  Me and my husband have been ttc for 2 years and 9 months.  I've had a few wobbles during this time but on the whole have managed to hold it together and just get on (and on the whole enjoy) life.  I think part of this I think was the distraction of getting married and our honeymoon and having another focus.  However over the last couple of months I feel as though everything has caught up with me and I guess I've acknowledged that there's something wrong.  

We've had all the initial tests (i'm afraid i don't know all the terminology and acronyms yet) and my husbands have come back as fine whilst mine are suggesting i'm not ovulating.  On top of this I had PID when I was in my early 20's and so there could also be scarring/blockage.  We've just received our first appointment to the fertility clinic and moving forwards, which on one hand is very exciting, but on the other has made me face that there are complications.  I burst into tears at work today and though it was managed fine, the office door was closed and my manager supportive, I'm just feeling that I'm not managing quite so well anymore.  

I'm finding it really hard talking to other people and feel as though there are very few people who understand and even then it's usually when they've been through it themselves or known someone who has.  My mum told me yesterday to stop being so negative, which felt so insensitive, especially as I've tried so hard to remain positive until now.  I'm finding it particularly difficult as many of my friends/family are conceiving around me and within a month or two of trying, one friend is on her third pregnancy since we've been trying! 

Any support/advice would be appreciated.

Thanks


----------



## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

Hi Granada Girl

I can tell you that I know exactly how you feel in fact your story and mine are incredibly similar.

Generally people haven't a clue what to say so it just comes out all wrong, one of my closest friends just had a baby and she said shall I bring her to your house so you can get it over with! As if I am phobic of babies or something, face your fear and all that! I just could seem to explain to her that this isn't something I am going to get over by meeting her baby!

You will find this site a great place to vent and to get support from people that do know what you are going through and are willing and happy to share their experiences and be supportive.

I wish you tons of luck!

Pudding
X


----------



## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

Thanks for your reply Pudding! 

That sounds so hard in regards to your friend and her baby.  I know we all have different ways of coping and managing pregnancy news and newborns but I think if people were just more sensitive it would certainly help so much! I find it's making some of my relationships harder and it's not just because they have children or are pregnant either as I have found some of my friendships with children have blossomed and others have been strained.  It's really odd how some people react that's for sure and then it can be very difficult to forgive/forgot as it's something so personal and sensitive. 

xx


----------



## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

You are completely right, my three best fire do have all had babies in the last year, 2 of them fell within two months and one was three months gone before she realised!

None of them understand how I feel and I simply can't explain it to them! I have tried and it's just not possible which I am happy for in a way as I would not wish this terrible experience on anybody.

I have also burst into tears at work  but I covered it up by saying it was about something else and the only person that saw me believed it! 

I think if you need a burst out you should have one bottling it up is not good for you!

Have you considered any alternative therapies? I'm starting accupuncture in a couple of weeks!

Pudding
X


----------



## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

Acupuncture sounds great and I've heard can be really positive for fertility issues. 

I've had a couple of massages to help me relax over the last couple of weeks and am going to try to have them on a more regular basis.  I think i could do with some fertility counselling as well which I'm hoping will be offered at our consultation.  Let us know how you get on with the acupuncture!


----------



## SIBI (Mar 20, 2012)

Hi Granada Girl,
Welcome to FF.
It's hard, god only knows how hard it is. 
Many hard moments when everybody around got pregnant , even the Duchess...so upsetting at first, so sadly and demoralising later.
We have been trying for almost 4 years, it has been a long and difficult journey and I have not shared anything with my parents as they live far and would be harder for them to know than ignore.
What I've learned is that we all need help. I've been having hypnoteraphy, counselling, CBT and acupunture and I can tell you that this has helped me out a lot. Also because the most difficult time has been the the failure of my cycles, lots of hope followed by the deepest sadness. But in some way you need to learn how to never give up. 
So good luck for your cycle, never give up and seek for help if the sadness is dropping you down or affecting your relationships
Xxx


----------



## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

Hi SIBI

Thanks so much for your reply, it's so nice to hear from other people who understand, although i'm sorry to hear of your difficulties - i wouldn't wish this on anyone.  Have you received any of your therapies on the nhs or have they all been private? Have you found they've helped?  My sadness feels like its all come at once - like 2 and a half years have suddenly caught up on me, but it makes sense as we were planning our wedding for two years so it gave us another focus!

Thanks so much for the support, it really does help xx


----------



## WaitingMsSunshine (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi everyone,

I can completely understand how you feel.
I haven't told my manager yet but I think now that our booking date comes closer I'll have to in some way or other as I'll need time off for all the scans. I find it quite hard to talk to anyone at work as it is a very private matter.
I also have the experience of friends and family all becoming pregnant so easily. While I'm very happy for them I'm also quite jealous when I'm honest. 
I've just booked my initial acupuncture consultation and am looking forward to it. I've had it before and I found it very relaxing. I'm also doing Yoga which helps me to relax.
Good luck to everyone!
Waiting xx


----------



## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

Hi WaitingMsSunshine!

Thanks for your reply.  

It is really hard to talk to people, especially at work as it is so private.  I'm glad i told my manager today even though it didn't come out the way I had hoped, but I know i've got a supportive and sensitive boss which I know isn't always the case.  

I don't know if you've also had this experience but i've had a couple of people say to me "your only young you'll be fine" or words to that effect.  My mum said this to me the other day and I just don't think she gets it?! 

Lots of people keep mentioning acupuncture - is this something that the fertility clinic recommends then?

Thanks so much x


----------



## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

hi and welcome granada girl. i hope someone gave you a hug, if not here is one  

you are still young- well compared to me anyway! i haven't given up yet and i'm 43 so hang in there.

many people here understand the heartache of trying to concieve and failing, and the struggle of facing up to getting help, and the frustration and loneliness and uncertainty of it all. 

it does become very difficult to talk to people - this site is a lifeline really.

hope you get plenty of support and that your dreams come true soon.


----------



## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

Hi Goldbunny

Thanks for your post and for the virtual hug!  I know I am still young (ish) and we are lucky that we have that on our side but I some folks (who haven't had fertility problems) therefore assume I'm over-reacting and 'just need to give it time'.  The second part may well be true but like you said the uncertainty of it all can be sooo hard and lonely.  

Thanks for your support x


----------



## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

to FF, Granada_Girl!!! Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help you.

There is a "Coping With Infertility" section ~ CLICK HERE which will help you with the emotional side of things. I have lost friends because they took it personally when I said I couldn't spend as much time with them when they were pregnant.

Your mum is wrong, on this journey you can´t stay positive 100% of the time, you feel what you feel, you can´t change it. It isn't as if you choose to be negative and overwhelmed about your fertility issues. I think unless you have been through it you can't really understand how much it dominates your life.

I don´t know if you have treatment planned, but if you look on the main forum you will see sections on all the various fertility treatments.

Here are a few other links that I think might help you.

Complementary and Holistic Approaches - CLICK HERE

Regional ~ CLICK HERE

What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~   CLICK HERE

Chat Zone section which will give you info on upcoming chats in the chat room: CLICK HERE

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support, information and cyber hugs if you need it.

Good luck!             

Sue


----------



## Madam Twinky (Oct 28, 2011)

Hi,

Sorry to jump on but your post appeared at the side of my home page and I just felt the need to give you a   

This journey is awful and nobody realises how infertility feels when they haven't been through it, like other girls have said its heartbreaking when people tell you they are pregnant and I used to find myself staring at 'bumps' and just longing for it to be me. You are still young and time is a big factor in this game. I have had so many up and down days but as long as you stick together it is a journey you will get through but you need to be a team. 

I never thought I would ever be pregnant considering both myself and hubby have issues but after 1 round of ivf here I am - so Just to give you a hope story it can work first time and that's if you even need ivf, there are so many route they can take now.

Hope you are ok and if I Can help/advise in any way please ask


----------



## SIBI (Mar 20, 2012)

Hi Granada Girl,
Sorry for the late reply! 
You have done well, focusing on the wedding and then starting on the ivf. When I got married we were already going through the ivf path and I did not enjoy it as I should because my head was totally taken from ivf.so, well done! Good choice!
Regarding the therapies, I've done everything privately but I'm sure NHS and specifically your GP could refer you to someone good as I have a friend who has gone through that for other reasons.
The lesson I've learned is that I could not cope with this big thing on my own. So I've asked for help. And madam twinky is right - it will be so normal to have ups and downs, especially when you start medications. So people who love you will have to cope with that. And you too.
Good luck and try to keep  ...it definitely helps  
Xxx


----------



## Daisy32 (Aug 5, 2013)

Hi Granada Girl,
Just read your posts. My heart goes out to you. IVF is so emotionally draining, I'm not surprised you have cried at work. I know I have! 

It's really good that your boss is supportive, it makes such a difference. I work on an all male team in a male dominated field so was very worried about telling my immediate boss but at the end of one day I awkwardly told him and he was great. Said he was sorry we were going through it but happy for us that we were starting treatment. It was like a weight had been lifted. 

I'm also thinking about acupuncture to help me relax, our clinic recommends it and said to have it day of embryo transfer.  

Madam twinky, it's lovely to hear your amazing news. Congrats x
Daisy xx


----------



## Granada_Girl (Sep 29, 2013)

Hi Madam Twinky, SIBI and Daisy32

Thank you all so much for your support.  It is a hard and emotional journey and it's difficult to understand unless you've been through it or something similar.  I appreciate your posts and encouragement.  We've had our initial consultation now and are moving on to treatment, just another tests to check my tubes then it's clomid or ivf and could be starting as soon as Dec/Jan so very excited it's moving forwards.  How on earth i'm going to be able to think of anything else though I have no idea, it's constantly on my mind!

Much love


----------

