# Am I alone?



## Tash1973 (Aug 18, 2013)

Hi, to anyone who is reading this. I have had 2 cycles of IVF, I don't think we can afford to do anymore and adoption is not a route that we want to go down for various reasons. I am in a job that is really lonely at times, I am really struggling to get to and stay at work, my best friend has just had her baby, she is also my cousin and our families are very close, her brother has a child and they are expecting another, my brother has not long had his little one too. I am literally surrounded by babies! I feel tearful all the time and yet I am putting on such a brave face, so well in fact that my mum suggested that I help my cousin prepare her baby room...really??!!I just wanted to have a waffle/rant outloud to people who don't know me and who aren't going to try and "fix" the situation which is what everyone seems to want to do. The cycle failed, oh I am so sorry, are you going to try again? Yes of course because it's so easy and of course free (it's not for us). Have you tried this, that, the other. I am trying to move on but it's one step forward and half a mile back at the moment.


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## Hopefulshell (Mar 14, 2013)

Hi tash1973

I just wanted to give you a  
after reading your post. Infertility can feel
like a very lonely place to be but you aren't 
alone - the ladies on here are incredibly 
supportive and understanding and just 'get'
how painful this journey is so you've come to
the right place 

I think all our loved ones want to help find that
'answer' that'll solve everything when tx doesn't
work. It sounds like you've hidden your true feelings
from your family? I think we all put up a front
to a certain degree but if my experience 
has taught me anything, it really does help to
alleviate your sorrow if you can talk candidly about
how you feel - be that with your oh, friends, family,
fertility counsellor - choose someone who won't judge
you and gives you the confidence to just unburden 
your thoughts and feelings. 

I'm sorry you find yourself surrounded my babies. It's
so so hard and I think most ladies on here have
experienced best friends, sisters, brothers etc getting
pregnant and having more children Whilst you're ttc.
My sil had a baby earlier this year just after we failed 
our 3rd tx and it was really painful but like you, I pasted
a smile on and said how happy I was for them whilst crying
on dh's shoulder. 

I'm pleased you've felt able to post on here. You 
certainly aren't alone in your suffering and hopefully
you will get the support you need to find a bit of peace
as your life takes it's next path.


Take care

X


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## Tash1973 (Aug 18, 2013)

Hi, thank you so much for your kind words theyvhsve really helped me, this is such a great suportive network x


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## Alotbsl (May 20, 2013)

hi Tash, BIG   Coming your way. You might not feel like it but you are strong, anyone going through this has to be. Don't ever feel alone, we are all here for each other. Take care.


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## Dancing duck (Sep 12, 2014)

I know exactly how it feels & just wanted you to know you're not alone although it may feel like it. I too am struggling with infertility and surrounded by family with kids or expecting and find it so hard to be happy for them when I long for one too. 
My mum gives me constant updates on my cousins pregnancy even though she knows we are having problems which I find insensitive and hard to listen to but still I force a smile and say the right thing when all I want to go is cry.
Worst of it is they weren't even trying!
I am dreading Christmas and again having to be surrounded by kids and pregnant relatives but its a time for family and so there will be expectations that I will have sit there and smile while going through my own hell on the inside.
So I guess what I'm saying is that you are not alone but a lot of people just don't get it.
Sending hugs DD
X


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## Tash1973 (Aug 18, 2013)

I just wanted to say a big thank you for the replies they have meant so much to me, and lovely to know that if we have to go through this, then we are going through this together.

Sending a big hug to you all, especially with Xmas coming, family time and all that, hardest time of the year I'm sure.

Lots of love xxx


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Hi Tash, sadly you're not alone at all lovely  

I'm so sorry to hear your story, you've been through so much.

We went through 3 cycles and have come to the end financially and relationship wise.  Adoption, though DH will think about it, is not an option due to our circumstances too.  It is an incredibly isolating and soul searching place to be.

I wish that I had a magic wand or a solution.  Waffling, ranting and just reaching out to people who truly understand is so important, goodness only knows it keeps me going  

Always here for you if you need to talk xx


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## Tash1973 (Aug 18, 2013)

Hi Molly

Thank you for replying. What a journey you have had, my heart goees out to you. Adoption isn't for me either, mainly due to circumstance but I have just seen my best friends baby and I know that is the only route that I would like to take to be honest. I now feel like the sad old aunt who can't get pregnant, this journey has made me question everything from my relationship to my career, it's so damn hard  x


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