# Looking to Start or Going Through Adoption 2005 Part 1



## KarenM

Here's to a good new year for everyone......

* Post matching *

*Karen *: Approved at panel on 22nd April. First little girl moved in on 8/11/04, second little girl moving in on 9/12/04 . 
*Bex *(Bex32): Approved at panel in April. X moved in on 8/11/04



* Post Panel/Awaiting Match *

*Caroline W*: Approved at panel in September, now awaiting a suitable match.

*Cindy*: Approved at panel on 27th October 2004. Now awaiting a suitable match

*Ann*: Approved at panel on 4th November 2004. Matched to two girls, possible move in date in January 2005.


* Waiting for Panel Date *

*Everhopeful*: Waiting for panel date (early Feb?)


* Home Study/Prep Course *

*Ruth*: Currently doing home assessment. Assigned a new SW now moved house.

*Ang* (Molly 2003): Course completed awaiting allocation of SW

*Mandy* (MSW): Starting home assessment in December

*Nat* (Crazy): Currently doing home assessment.

*Kylie* (Boomerang Girl): Allocated SW. prep course Jan/Feb 05.

*Homer & Marge*: Prep course September.

*Nicola *(NickyDuncanFinn): Prep course January?

*Nicky*: Currently doing assessment

*Shannis*: Prep course starts 2/9/04

*Morgana*: Allocated SW, Prep course May 2005

*Donnalee*: Prep course complete awaiting allocation of SW.

* LB *: Prep course starts in Jan

* Georgia * Prep course starts 2/2/05

*Tracey H*: Allocated SW and attending prep course in Feb 2005.

* JenniferF* Prep course in January 2005

*Pam (saphy75) * Prep course in the Spring of 2005

* Paddy * *Adopting from RUSSIA * SW visit completed and course starts 3/12/04



* Initial Stages *

*Nerys (lochness)* Attending Foster Care Open evening on 27/01/05

* Jude2 * First interview with one agency 7/2/05. Info evening with another, 24/2/05.

* HelenB * Information Day with LA 17th December

* Nic (Hopingforbaby) * Currently considering the adoption option 


* Oh where oh where can they be! *

*Carol *(allineedisamircale): Currently doing home assessment (not sure if Carol is still posting?  )

*Jo *(jolene): Course completed, awaiting allocation of SW (not sure if Jolene is still posting?  )


Karen x


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## donnalee

Hi Karen,
Hope to start home study Jan 18th. 
Happy new year to everyone.
Love Donnalee xx


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## saphy75

hi girls

karen just read your thread, so sorry xmas didn't turn out quite as planned hun but i suppose we all get ideals in our heads then we are dissapointed when things dont go to plan. i'm terrible for getting my self carried away my mum keeps telling me off because she thinks i expect having children to be a bed of roses    i keep telling her to leave me alone and let me have my illusions while they last   

hope you all had a great xmas and new year, mine was very quiet this year (hoping it will be our last quiet xmas with just the 2 of us but i know it probably wont)  i haven't even been on the prep course and i'm already getting impatient  must learn to relax as i'm sure this journey is gonna be a long one  

donnalee   on starting home study wishing you loads of luck, hope everything goes smoothly

right i'm off now take care everyone

pam xx


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## Ann

Hi Everyone,

Karen - sorry to hear that christmas did'nt go as well as you wanted it too - alot of our family and friends were frustrated that we could not get our girls before Christmas but our Agency don't do handovers in December for 2 reasons 1 - not good to unsettle the kids at such a momentous time and 2 as parents we naturally have great expectations and these are not often met.  I am sure next year will be lots better for you all   it must be lovely starting the new year of as a family at long last!!!!
We are now just waiting patiently untill Thursday morning when we are linked officially to the girls!!!!!   We already have the planning meeting planned for 2pm on Friday and we go straight from there to meet our 2 little ones and we have the camcorder on charge at the ready!!!! if things go well and according to plan they should be moving in the following Friday - it still al seems very sureal but hopefully soon it will sink in.
I hope everyone else is doing well and looking forward to what this year holds lets hope by the end of 2005 there will be lots of us with our families.

lots of love Ann xxxxxxx


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## Twinmummie

Ann
Fantastic news gosh how exciting it must be now for youand your DH.
Wishing you all the best.

Karen sorry things didn't go to plan but next year will just be fine,hey and Easter is around the corner now so maybe do an Easter Egg Hunt  in the Woods.Being a Childminder we do this every year with the kids and they love it.
Karen how long was you told to take time of work,I've been told a year but seeing as I'm selfemployed it's going to be a bit of a struggle,oh well I'll have to do it I suppose
As for me I'm OK looking forward to a meeting we have been invited to on the 25th so hopefully then all systems go.

Love Georgia
xx


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## KarenM

Hi everyone

Well I've soon forgotten about Xmas as we've had some good times between then and New year and the girls are developing day by day.  The youngest is now crawling (but backwards!!) and she stood unaided against the setee yesterday.  The eldest can now say her own name and calls for her sister and says all sorts, she's currently sat singing in gobbledegoop on my lap!!

Georgia - To answer your question, as I am the major wage earner, we could only afford for me to have 6 months off.  However Social Services wanted me to have more time with the girls as there was a gap of one month between their placements.  As such they agreed to fund up to 90% of my earnings the additional leave that I am entitled to but wasn't taking.  So I broke up on 29th October last year and go back on 4th July so 8 months in all.  I did save 4 weeks annual leave and had lots of time owed so 7 weeks of this time off is taken up with this.  The rest is all the statutory and enchanced leave I get due to my length of service.

Ann - You must be so excited.  We were very lucky and had our youngest placed on 9th December.  I can't believe our eldest has been with us for 8 weeks now.  Time will fly and this time in a fortnight you won't know how your life was before!!

Cindy - not long for you now either, hope the courts release him for adoption.

Pam - hope you hear something soon.

Donna lee - good luck for your course starting.

To everyone else, I hope the new year finds you safe and well and I look forward to hearing some of your good news soon.

Love
Karen x


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## Mummyof2

Karen - good to hear that you had some nice times with the girls between Christmas and New Year and that they are coming on in leaps and bounds.

Donnalee - good news that you have a date.  I am still waiting for my home visit that was promised for December - grrrr.

Ann - you must be excited.  What a lovely start to 2005 for you.

All the best

Jenny


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## jude2

hi everybody, just read your post Karen about Christmas etc:  glad you have had better times.  I think Christmas can be a funny time with children:  so much weight of expectation.  My brother and wife were really excited about their daughter's first Christmas where she knew what was going on (she's 3 1/2).  But in fact she ended up being overwhelmed by all the presents, fuss, people, change in routine.  There were tears on Christmas Day and quite a lot of bad behaviour which we don't normally see.  Quite a bad tantrum when I was taking her to her Granny's house (5 miles away) and she wanted to go on her Barbie scooter rather than in the car!

Thanks for your messages re the reading material.  I think my experience seems to be fairly common.

Georgia:  re time off.  I was planning to take a year off and then to go back 4 days per week, my husband might also work 4 days per week, so the child/children would have to be in childcare 3 days (probably a nanny at home as my husband works from home so he would still see them).  I got mixed response to this: one agency said it was OK but I would only get school age children as they would want one partner to give up work entirely until the children go to school.  i said this was not possible as I was major earner but they seemed to be deaf to this saying once I had the children I might not 'want' to go back to work.  I do get a bit annoyed.  My job is not a hobby:  we need my income, and not for luxuries (which seems to be the assumption).  When women start going on like that I do then think it's no wonder there is still sexism in the work place.  

I am not saying by any means I think giving up work is a wrong choice, I think it is great if that is what people want and can afford but I am amazed by these (working) women, assuming the woman's job is a bit of a pastime rather than a serious career.  Anyway, rant over but I checked this with a few other adopters and a lot of them said that they had also been told this.  So we are now thinking that my husband might give up work after my adoption leave, depending on age of child/ren (and assuming we get that  far!).    But sounds like Karen had more reasonable discussions with her LA.    It seems to depend on where you are:  whereabouts in the country are you Karen?  I am in SW London. 

Love to eveybody,

Judith
xxx


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## Ruthiebabe

In Bath they seemed quite sensible in that they did want me to take a year off, or at the very least 6 months and then go part time for a while, but not sure what the idea will be here with our new LA?? 

I wouldn't be an advocate of just telling SWs what they want to hear, but presumably once the children become legally yours the decision relating to work also becomes your sole responsibility......maybe I'm wrong about that??

Even having said that even the maddest SW has to appreciate that your best intentions can go awry and you might have to change your work plans after the children become legally yours anyway?    

I'm probably waffling and making no sense.....first day back at work, couldn't get to sleep last night after 2 weeks of late-ish nights and lazy mornings, lots of coffee to keep me going today.......caffine overdose probably on its way!

xxruth.


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## Val 12

Hi girls, i'm very new here but just have to tell someone !!!!!!! I contacted a SW today who was lovely, we had a really long chat and she and a colleague are coming to see me and dh on Thursday   

I'm so excited, I thought because we only finished ttc in December it would be far too early and that they wouldn't consider us for at least 6 months, but from what i'd told her (ie. we were offered another free IVF but turned it down to look towards adoption) and the fact that the process can take a long time etc they would like to meet us asap.

Regarding time off, I was thinking of approx 6-8 months off then going back 3 days a week. I hope i'm not frowned upon but I really can't afford to give up work, nor would I want to, i've trained long and hard to get where I am now. Anyway better stop waffling now but just had to tell someone !!!!!

LOL Val xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## KarenM

Val - That's great news don't forget to tell us how it goes. I'll make sure I amend this on our list.

* Time off * - I had quite frank discussions with my SW about this as they wanted one of us to give up work. I said if we had had our own birth children I would be doing what I am doing now with my adopted children. I know that some adoptive children have certain attachment disorders which is why they suggest one parent stays at home, but this depends upon the age and circumstances of the children you adopt. We have considered what we would do though if things don't go to plan with the girls settling and the panel wanted to know about this when we were approved. We decided that if push came to shove we would down size house and dh would give up work and then get an evening job. Doesn't bode well for quality of life issues but it would be the only way we could afford to live. I think you need to have a contingency plan whatever you decide and must be able to demonstrate that you have thought through all the options. Hope this helps. Jude in answer to your question I'm in the West Midlands.

Karen x


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi everyone

Firslty happy new year to you all, may all our dreams come true. 

I had an OK christmas and new year, only one small blip when found out on boxing day cousins wife is pregnant, my mum knew but didn't know how to tell me so just didn't,  so we had a bit of a fall out which was horrible and very upsetting   but we soon made up.

I have been busy getting the house ***** and span and have thrown loads!!!! of junk out,   to make room for all the stuff we will hopefully need for our new aditions at some point soon, fingers crossed. 

SW coming on Friday for visit number 4 and then every friday till feb with a hopeful panel date in March, yipeeeeeeeeeeee.

I got a lovely pine toy box from my parents for christmas which looks soooooooooooooo nice in my lounge, I think I am nesting    and have choosen a winnnie the pooh theam for the bedroom.

Ann, good luck for you intro's you must be sooooooooooo excited.

Val, welcome and good luck with your adoption journey.

Re time off work my LA reccomed at least 6 months off if possible but are not to strict on it. I plan to take that time off and then review our finances, because like so many of us women my wage is the main one, so it maybe Dh that will have to change his hours. I would love to have longer off but as we have an addition 20,000 aready on our morgage due to ivf there is little chance of me being able to give up, but  my go 4 days, plus i do really love my job also. Just have to win the lottery 

TTFN Mandyx


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## jude2

Hi everybody,

Val, good luck:  your SW seems to be very quick off the mark, sounds good for the future.  I contacted several agencies at the beginning of November and have not actually met anybody yet, though we have some appointments in February. 

Re the time off:  I can see why they are saying what they are saying to an extent and obviously if there are attachment issues it makes a difference.  I think you are right karen, you just need to show that you are flexible and could change if need be, which of course we could but our ideal plan would not be for one of us to be at home full time.  i think I spoke to a rather snooty lady at the Catholic Children's Society.  Maybe my LA will be different (not had a proper conversation with them yet, need to wait for meeting).  

Mandy, you sound very excited, hope things go well for you.  I am sorry about your falling out with your Mum.  I think it is very hard for people to know what to do and often whatever they do isn't right, because in the end you don't want to know and you don't want not to know either.  I know a lot of my friends have dreaded telling me they are pregnant.  Luckily most have done it over the phone, so I can be all cheery and congratulatory on the phone and then burst into tears afterwards!

Ann:  best of luck with your introductions, you must be so excited!

Sorry if I have missed anybody,

Love
Judith
xxx


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## helenb

Hi everyone! Hope you're all keeping well.

Val - great news about your meeting.  I'm v. impressed with your LA, I hope they continue to be as helpful and efficient! 

Ann - you must be really excited by now!  Not long to go until you properly meet your girls. 

Judith - I can completely relate to the happy cheery voice over the phone and then blubbing as soon as you've got off it!! In our first year of ttc over 20 women I knew were pregnant.... I've lost count of how many now!  I hope you get to see someone soon. 

I've phoned both our LA and a voluntary agency end of Nov.  We've met the LA, who all seemed very helpful and are meeting the voluntary agency next week.. Feel very excited but slightly apprehensive about how we know who to go with.  Has anyone gone through the Voluntary Agency route?  

On the work front, when's right to tell work?  My boss has got great plans for the next year(s) which involve me but I'm hoping to take at least a year off and go back part time..

Helen
X


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## Twinmummie

*ANN GOOD LUCK FOR TODAY*

Hurry back and let us know how it goes

Love always
Georgia
xxx


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## Ann

Hi Everyone,

It really is official.......          not sure when we will stop     

xxxxx and xxxxx have got a new mummy and daddy we are still on shock but feel fantastic - can't wait to meet them officially tomorrow and hopefully they will be home with us very soon!!

sorry so short but we are off out for lunch to celebrate

lots of love mummy Ann xxxxxxxxxx


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## Ruthiebabe

Congratulations Ann....have a great lunch and pop a bottle of bubbly for us!

XXXRuth.


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## Natasha

Hi guys,

I have just literally just put the phone down to my LA and DH and myself are going to a meeting on the 11th to find out a bit more about it all.  Quite excited!!! 

Just a quick question though, and i have read the posts but what is the general amount of time you have to have off once you have adopted and is my company legally obliged to pay any sort of pay like you would receive with maternity pay?

Like most of you we can't afford to loose my wage!

Good Luck to everyone  
Tasha


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## Ruthiebabe

Hi Natasha,

most work places give you as much paid leave as if you were on maternity......not sure if they have to though. I work in a University, and they tend to be very upto date on these sort of things so I know I should be alright for a year anyway! Your personel person at work shoudl know.

good luck,
XXRuth.


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## Natasha

I don't want them to know what i'm up to yet though as i've only been here 3 months!!!
Are there any web sites that would tell me for sure that you know off?

Thanks for your help
Tasha


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## saphy75

FANTASTIC NEWS ANN

or should i say mummy ann ??  

have a great time celebrating, and please keep us posted as it reminds all us what we are waiting for  

pam xx


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## Ruthiebabe

maybe the Department of trade and industry website might be useful? I'm sure Karen will know. 


XXRuth.


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## Natasha

i'll have a look, just spoke to a friend who has some details so that helped.

Thanks for your help
love Tasha


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## jude2

Congratulations Anne, have a lovely lunch and best of luck for tomorrow.

re the adoption pay: you are legally allowed the same amount of time off but I think statutory adoption pay is only £100 ie you don't get the 6 weeks at 90% which you get for amternity pay. but I am not totally sure. it is hard to find out. Try DTI website or rigning the maternity alliance. i think though that you might get the same as maternity pay if your company either doens;t know about it or is more forward thinking!

I think a couple of people were trying to decide whcih agency/LA to go with. On the adoption Uk website somebody posted this link which ranks all the LA performances. http://www.dfes.gov.uk/adoption/pdfs/cfc23.pdf

I checked and found the two I have been dealing with and who have been very slow were in the worst category. My own LA is in the top category but they won't take me on as there is too mcuh risk of bumping into bps. Anyway, I decided to ring another LA in SE London, (in top category) and they were brilliant. They offered me an initial appointment next week, btu we couldn';t make that so we are seeing them on 18th Jan. Teh other one gave us a date of 7th Feb, even though we rang them beginning of November. I knwo these star ratings and things don;t tell the whole story but they do at least give you some guidance. Hope it helps somebody else. 
11 queries.


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## Mummyof2

Jude2 - thanks for that league table.  It was very interesting.  I'm going to move to Blackpool    Actually my area doesn't come out too well either.  Could explain why I've not got very far along in 4 months - one open evening and one office visit!!

Ann - congratulations to you and dh.

All the best

Jenny


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## Val 12

Hi girls,
well my SW has been to see us, she was lovely and really put us at ease. She's offered us a place on the intro course for the end of Feb so we are chuffed about that    .

I said I would take 6 months off and go back part time, 3 days a week but she said I may have a better chance of being offered a child earlier if I gave up work for a couple of years !!!!!! I said I couldn't possibly afford to do that as unfortunately we do need my wages as well and not only that but I love my job and have worked hard to get where I am now   

Also i'm peed off with the adoption leave my HR have offered me. If I were on maternity leave I would be given 8 weeks full pay, 10 weeks half pay topped up with SMP then 8 weeks SMP. If I were to adopt I would be given 6 weeks full pay then 20 weeks at £100 a week. I know it's better than a smack in the mouth but it's as if we are being penalised at not being able to give birth. I've contacted my union but they've said it's due to the government's legislation but that they will look into it.

Ann CONGRATULATIONS !!!!    R


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## Val 12

Sorry me again, don't know what happened there.
Anyway as I was saying, Congratulations Ann hope all goes well for you,

LOL Val xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## KarenM

Ann - Congratulations to you and dh, make the most of it as life will soon be days spent up and down the stairs changing nappies, as they never can do them at the same time!! Hope you have a great time meeting them tomorrow. it seems ages ago now that we were doing this, time flies so treasure these moments. I am so pleased for you both.

Val - great news on your SW visit, things are really taking off now for you.

Natasha - good luck for the 11th I am sure you will find it of great interest.

Jude - thanks for the link to the stats. It took me ages to find mine but it was in the low orange sector. I have to say doesn't reflect my personal experience of them.

* Adoption Leave * Here's a link to the best website to tell you what you are entitled to as you can tailor it to your personal circumstances [ur] www.tiger.gov.uk [/url] Basically you are entitled to the same as maternity. It will depend on your length of service as to what you qualify for. If you have sufficient service you will get 26 weeks ordinary leave, the first 6 weeks are paid at 90% of your average earnings and then the rest is Statutory Adoption pay which is the same as SMP £102.80 at the moment (if my memory serves me right, as i am off work I'm not wearing my HR Manager hat that often !!- but changes in April). You then get 26 weeks additional adoption leave which is unpaid. Adoption leave can be used by either partner with the other getting the same as Statutory Paternity rights i.e 2 weeks at SMP rate.

My employers took the approach of paying the same enhancements as they do for the maternity scheme, not sure that all employers do given your comments Val.

Hope that helps. let me know if you want me to clarify anything.

Bye for now
Love
Karen x


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## loch_ness

Hi everyone

Sorry i've not posted in awhile but i've had pc probs.

Congratulations to all those with good news.

we attend our foster info evening on the 27th of this month, we are still waiting to hear from the adoption team to see when there info evening will be.

I will keep you all updated on my progress

Nerys


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## cindyp

Hi Everyone

Just a quickie because my PC is poorly and I'm having to post at work.

Ann, so so pleased to hear your news, hope you had a great lunch and a great first meeting.  Keep up us up to date with all the great things that are going on.

Glad to see that everyone else is well on their way, one way or another.  Can't really join in with the discussion of adoption leave, we are taking some time off but my DH and I will only be working 5 days between us so there will always be somebody at home.

Neither of us are sleeping at the moment and my fingernails look dreadful  .  The court case for the freeing order starts on Wednesday and is due to be completed by Friday.  XXXXX's SW will phone us with the outcome as soon as it's over.  She's hoping that it will be completed before Friday, although the mother is contesting the SW doesn't believe she has much of a case and it will not go the whole 3 days.  If everything goes to plan then we may get XXXXX either the first or second week of February.

Keep your fingers crossed for me girls.

love
Cindy


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## bex32

Hi every one  Happy new year!!

Just had chance to catch up and the thread is really beginning to get exciting.. congratulations Ann!!  Cindy, thinking of you, what a long process isnt it.  Fingers crossed for you.  
All is well with our little chap.  This is his ninth week with us and he has settled in so well.  He smiles all the time, he now loves his cuddles.  We just met his SW who is thrilled at how he has settled in and we meet his BM this week.  The SW feels she won't turn up, but we are doing it for xxxx.  Be good to be able to say in the future we met your BM.  Also be good to reasure her, not really looking forward to it but will let you know how it goes...

He's just woken from his kip, so must go.  Will check in soon.  Love and best wishes to everyone Becky xx


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi everyone,

Our home visit went well on Friday, he was there for 3 hours but the time just seemed to fly by. He is coming again this friday to see us and then pop in and see our friends who are one of our referances as they only live next door but one. Then he's due to see my parents next week. 

He has given us a panel date for 3rd of March,       so I am sooooooooo happy to be working towards a definate date. We will be attending panel, ekkkkkkkk i am getting nervious but also excited.

Bex, great to have an update, it sound like your little man has settled in really well. Good luck with your meeting with BM, as you say it will be good to be able have met her in person, to tell him when he is older.

Cindy i hope all goes well in court for you this week. I wil be thinking of you.

Ann you are sooooooooo close to becoming mummy now, i can't wait to here all about it. 


Catch up soon 

Mandyxx


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## everhopeful

Hiya everyone

Glad to hear your visit went well Mandy - you lucky thing getting your panel date! Pleased it's all going well for you.

Best of luck to Cindy and Ann - oohh... so close!!!! Keeping fingers crossed for you both.

And if I haven't already said it - *HAPPY NEW YEAR * to everyone!!!

Things seem to be at a complete dead end here. Nothing, zilch, absolutely b***er all going on!! I'm getting really cheesed off  with everything! Well not everything exactly, just this adoption thingy-me-jig! 
I'm sick of people saying to me "ooh you're at the right side of Christmas" - !! erm, and their point is?!! No, I know what they mean, now it's January we should nearly be at panel. Well if we are, we haven't been told yet. I don't want to think we may be going to panel in 4 weeks time, just incase we don't, I just want to hear something   

Sorry - major rant over! Thanks for listening! Where would I be without this wonderful forum ?
I'll go to bed now and try to sleep.. and maybe, just maybe, wake up in morning and receive that all important call.

I'll keep you posted
Sweet dreams x


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## KarenM

Hi Folks

Well it is getting busier again on here which is good to see and so much news coming from everyone.

Bex - good luck with the meet, we agreed to do it too, but given issues with the BP's they don't want us to do it.  Rich is relieved as this is something he was really anit doing but would have done so for the kids.

Mandy - great news on the panel date, please don't worry it is fine and they and you are there to do whatis right for any potential children you may have placed with you and provided your SW has done a good job there will be little they need to ask, but even so they will always ask something.

Cindy - good luck for tomorrow.  Hope they get through it quicker.  They automatically register it for 3 days if it is contested as the same happened with us (but BP's didn't register their appeal).  Don't know if you had a look at the stats Jude posted a link to but your LA did quite well.

Ever - I would say you've waited long enough get on their case and badger, badger, badger.

Right off to get myself ready before I get the girls up.

Hope everyone else is ok.

Love
Karen x


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## Nicky Duncan-Finn

Hi Ladies

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL.

Its great catching up with everyone's news. We have just got connected to broadband and so, you'll be bound to see me posting one here more regularly.

Since I made my initial posts late last summer we are continuing to move along with the adoption process.  We recieved definate confirmation from our social services dept today that we will attend prepare to care in the first two weeks of feb.  

We are so very excited to be finally moving on with things.

Bex and Karen it is good to hear that you are enjoying the company of your long awaited family.  Your stories really do give both myself and husband much hope and, of course, the occassional much needed dose of reality.

We had invetigated the possibilities with two local social services depts but have decided to run with the one that could offer us training the soonest.  We just really wanted to get started.  

I send wishes of hope and happiness to all of the ladies using this site.

take Care from

Nicola X


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## Nicky Duncan-Finn

Sorry Its me again.

I found the following little story on a website a year ago when we first started looking into adoption. The story really struck a chord with us. We are greatful to the anonymous author of the story, and thought that other people on this thread might like to read it too. .
*
DIFFERENT TRIPS TO THE SAME PLACE*


Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it is a wonderful place, you've read many guidebooks and feel certain that you're ready to go. Everyone you know has gone there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occassional rough landings, but you look forward to being pampered on the trip.

So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems that there is no seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait....and wait.......and wait.........

Flights to Australia come and go. People say silly things like. "Relax. You'll get on a flight soon. Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel the trip, to which you cry, "IT'S NOT FAIR!"

After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."

"By Boat!" you say. "Going by boat will take a very long time drifting in deep waters. I really had my heart set on going by plane." So you go home and you think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than by air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally decide to travel by boat.

It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marvelling about each trip.

Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also travelled by sea rather than by air.

People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like "Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; travelling by sea is so easy."

You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know you have been blessed with a special appreciation of Australia, afterall the beauty of Australia is not in the way that you get there, but in the place itself. 

Nicola X


----------



## everhopeful

Nicola

Thank you so much for sharing that story with us - it's lovely.

Going to print it off to show my hubbie.

It's so true, the meaning of the story. So thanks again x


----------



## magenta

Thank you for that story - I am going to print it off and put it on my note board to look at whenever I think twice about adoption.

I got through information packs this week from the two vol orgs in Edinburgh who deal with placing younger children; which is our initial preference. Just need to get ourselves fit and healthy (losing weight for me and stopping smoking for hubby) and we will be able to choose an agency and start the journey.

It all seems a bit 'real' and scary right now.

magenta x


----------



## KarenM

Magenta

Welcome to the group, I will add you to our list.  You will find a whole host of people on this board at varying stages of the process.  I wish you and your dh all the best on your journey.

Karen x


----------



## KarenM

Hopefully i've managed to keep up to date with everyone's news, here's an updated list, please let me know if I have got anything wrong.

* Post matching *

*Karen *: Approved at panel on 22nd April. First little girl moved in on 8/11/04, second little girl moved in on 9/12/04 

*Bex *(Bex32): Approved at panel in April. X moved in on 8/11/04 



* Post Panel/Awaiting Match *

*Caroline W*: Approved at panel in September, now awaiting a suitable match.

*Cindy*: Approved at panel on 27th October 2004. Awaiting court decision on a match.

*Ann*: Approved at panel on 4th November 2004. Matched to two girls, possible move in date in January 2005.


 * Waiting for Panel Date *

*Everhopeful*: Waiting for panel date (early Feb?)



* Home Study/Prep Course *

*Ruth*: Currently doing home assessment. Assigned a new SW now moved house.

*Ang* (Molly 2003): Course completed awaiting allocation of SW

*Mandy* (MSW): Starting home assessment in December, panel date of 3/3/05 given

*Nat* (Crazy): Currently doing home assessment.

*Kylie* (Boomerang Girl): Allocated SW. prep course Jan/Feb 05.

*Homer & Marge*: Prep course September.

*Nicola *(NickyDuncanFinn): Prep course Feb 2005

*Nicky*: Currently doing assessment

*Shannis*: Prep course starts 2/9/04

*Morgana*: Allocated SW, Prep course May 2005

*Donnalee*: Prep course complete awaiting allocation of SW.

* LB *: Prep course starts in Jan

* Georgia * Prep course starts 2/2/05

*Tracey H*: Allocated SW and attending prep course in Feb 2005.

* JenniferF* Prep course in January 2005

*Pam (saphy75) * Prep course in the Spring of 2005

* Paddy * *Adopting from RUSSIA * SW visit completed and course starts 3/12/04

* Val 12 * Prep course starts Feb 2005



* Initial Stages *

*Nerys (lochness)* Attending Foster Care Open evening on 27/01/05

* Jude2 * First interview with one agency 7/2/05. Info evening with another, 24/2/05.

* HelenB * Information Day with LA 17th December

* Nic (Hopingforbaby) * Currently considering the adoption option

* Magenta * Made initial contact with the agencies

* Natasha * Intro evening 11th Jan 2005



* Oh where oh where can they be! *

*Carol *(allineedisamircale): Currently doing home assessment (not sure if Carol is still posting?  )

*Jo *(jolene): Course completed, awaiting allocation of SW (not sure if Jolene is still posting?  )


Karen x


----------



## Natasha

Hi guys,

Firstly congratulations to Bex and Karen on their children.

I went to the initial meeting last night where DH and I decided that we definitely wanted to go through with and so ticked all the appropriate boxes.  

I just have a few questions though.
There were a couple of adopters there and one couple said it took them 18 months and the other couple took 2 years.

I'm sure I've read on here that it takes roughly about 9 months or am i just being too hopeful? 
Also how long does it take for a  socail worker to come to your house for the first one to one and how long is the prep course?

Good Luck to everyone
Love Tasha


----------



## Mummyof2

Karen - I am still waiting for my home visit (7 weeks now) so am not able to go on the January 05 prep course    Please can you update the list for me.

Tasha - I think the above answers your question!  My friend has just adopted a one year old boy and it took her 18 months from start to finish.

Hi to everyone else.

J


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hello all,

our SW is coming around tomorrow for our first home visit here in our new house. I'm really looking forward to finding out how quickly we'll get everything done as we were more than half way through before we had to move.

Tasha, as for how long it takes......i think it's really variable. We first started this process last december and it took 4 months before there was a prep course we could go on. That was becasue we were originally in a small local authority area and they only ran the course twice a year. For the last 6 month nothing has happened, but this has been our doing as we moved because of work and had to wait till we'd moved into our new house before we could start the process up again. I'll let you know on friday what our new SW says about how long she thinks it'll take for us to get to panel given that we only had 2 months left to go in our old house.

The government guidelines are that from beginning to being approved should take 6-8 months, but matching can take anything up to 2 years after that. If you're not matched in two years they have to assess you again as your situation may have change considerably. I can't imagine this happens that often though. Really depends on how selective you are I guess.

Nicola, I really liked that story. Thanks for posting it.

tata for now,
XXXRuth.


----------



## Natasha

Hi guys.

Thanks Ruth,

That helped put things in perspective a bit.
My heart sank last night when they said 18 months to 2 years so hopefully it won't take that long.

I hope that everything will go quickly for you now, and that Friday goes well.

Jennifer are you not able to ring up your LA and ask them why they haven't been to see you yet?

Love Tasha


----------



## Mummyof2

Natasha - I have rung them and asked what's happening with our case.  I was told that my file has been put on the manager's desk and when it is my turn the manager will allocate the sw to come for a home visit.  The system the la runs is that you can only get to speak to a duty sw in the mornings of any day so I can't speak to the manager direct.  The duty sw last week said she would put a chaser on the manager's desk for me saying how long we have been waiting but I've STILL heard nothing further, despite being told at the office visit that we were just the sort of people they were desperate for and as such our application would be recommended for fast tracking!!  I was told by someone else that they were told by their sw that la have backlogs at the moment due to adoption week in November so perhaps that is it.  We first expressed an interest in adoption to our la in September when I requested any booklets/info from them, we went on an adoption open evening at the beginning of November and filled out all the relevant forms at the end of that.  A few weeks later we went in to see our la for an initial office visit on the 25th of November and were told that the next step is the home visit in December with the prep course in January.  Didn't get the home visit in Dec so couldn't go on the prep course in Jan - thought it was all going too well.  Initially at our office visit we were told that we would probably go to Panel in late September/early October if things went smoothly and we would be matched with a child 3-6 months after that all being well.  Hope this clarifies things a little but I guess all la's are different.

All the best

J


----------



## jude2

Hi everybody,

Karen, I feel guilty when I ask you to change things as I know you are really busy and you do a great job here, but we actually now have our first interview with a different LA next Tuesday (18th Jan).  Half worried, half excited.  I would not have  been too bothered except that she told me they prefer to do them in the morning as people are fresher then and that they are quite intensive.  Wonder what she means!

Good luck to everybody else, there are quite a few of us on here now, so it's hard to keep up but hope your intros go well Ann.

Jen:  I would just keep nagging them!

Love
Jude
xxx


----------



## Natasha

Jen,

I agree with Jude, keep on their case.  It must be hard though, and all i keep hearing is that they are desperate for people, and then when they see someone that they want they leave them hanging around.
Surely if you keep on at them it shows that you are keen though?

Good luck
Tasha 
x


----------



## Mummyof2

Jude and Tasha - thanks.  Will ring them again tomorrow    

J


----------



## donnalee

Hi Karen,
Start Home study Next week (jan 18th).
Donnalee


----------



## KarenM

Natasha

Here's the timescales we went through our adoption process from start to, well almost finish just need the girls to have been here 16 weeks to go to court and officially call them ours.

We started in January/February 2003 with an initial Sw visit to register our interest.  We had a few delays, firstly we were on holiday when they allocated us our first prep course dates, then the LA had an influx of older children and then our allocated Social Worker (SW) went long term sick.  We did the prep course in June 2003 and started the home study in November 2003.  We went to panel in April 2004 and then were matched in July 2004.  The process for them moving in took longer as they hadn't at the time been freed for adoption by the courts.  So our eldest moved in in November 2004 and the youngest in December 2004.  So all told it took nearly two years.

Jude - now problem for updating the list.  I am very luckyt as I have two angels who sleep from 7p.m. to 8a.m,and as Rich is watching the footie what better way to spend my evenings, sat in the piece and quiet with my pooter.

Jen - I agree, keep badgering them, don't be fobbed off, we had this for a while when our original Sw went long term sick.  Take no messing and insist on some answers.

Ann - hope your intros are going well and hope you get chance to tell us some more about your girls.

Cindy - hope all is going well in the case.

Bex - good luck for the meeting with BM.

To everyone else hope alls well with you

Bye for now
Love
Karen x


----------



## Ann

Hi Everyone,

I did write a big long post last night and then my computer crashed and I lost it all    

the GREAT news is our little girls are home with  us and fast asleep in their cots as I type         we are both over the moon and can't believe how smoothly everything has been.  Everyone was worried that the oldest would not settle but she has been amazing and it only took 1o mins of not even real crying for her to go off tonight.  We can't stop grinning.  We have been blessed not only with 2 beautiful baby daughters but also good baby girls the baby eats, giggles, sleeps, poos!!!!!!! hardly a grizzle between them I am sure it will come but untill that day we wil just enjoy it.  And our eldest will just eat us out of house and home she has an amazing appetite and willl eat anything!!!
I really hope that soon everyone who is waiting gets to experience this cos it really is worth the wait and heartache thatwe all go thru it is the most amazing feeling and I hope it never goes away!!

lots of love Ann, dh and our 2 special girls xxxxxxx


----------



## KarenM

Ann

Great news, congratulations to you and your dh.  You must have had some intentsive introductions then and little time to prepare yourselves for their homecoming.  Enjoy every second of it.  Can't wait to hear more about them

Love
Karen x


----------



## cindyp

Ann, that's fantastic news, look forward to hearing about every enjoyable moment you and your DH get to spend with them.  I may have missed a post along the way, how old are they?

Karen, I can guess what your life is like from the time of your post.  I bet late at night is the only time you get a chance for a quiet pop on the computer.  At the moment I'm having to have a quick visit from work.

Well we will be joining both of you.  It's official, little XXXXX was freed for adoption yesterday.  I'd given his SW my mobile number and asked her to phone as soon as there was any news.  Typically I was away from my desk yesterday afternoon (in the loo    ) when she rang.  I phoned back and she was on the other line so I had to wait for her to call me back.  You can imagine how anxious I was.  She came through on the work's line 15 minutes later and confirmed that the BM's case had collapsed and the case was completed by lunchtime.  I was so excited, I went to tell my colleague, she jumped up and down and then I just burst into tears.  I hadn't realised how wound up I was until the news came through.  They took me home early so I could be there to tell Lee when he got back from work.  He didn't want to hear at work because it would have been hard for him to cope with a class full of 4/5 year olds.  He was as ecstatic as I am, after all the inevitable phone calls to family (my Mum also burst into tears) we went to visit friends to crack open a bottle of bubbly.

Unfortunately it's still likely to be a couple of weeks before we get to see him although we're hoping to get proper photos today (we've only seen a photocopy of a photo so far).  We have to visit the BM first which will take place on the 26th.  We are going to meet the foster carers some time next week and then hopefully the planning meeting/contact will take place after we've met the BM.  Hopefully that will be the first/second week of February so he should be home in time for my birthday on the 13th.  As I said to my sister you can't top that for a birthday present.

Everybody has been telling us what a great baby he is.  We met his family support worker who has been involved because his BM wouldn't speak to the SW and she said "he's the best baby I've met in 12 years and if you don't want him I'll have him".  Also when I had to phone his SW's office, when I explained who I was calling about the receptionist said "oh XXXXX, he's a lovely baby".  Apparently he's very socialble, healthy, eats and sleeps well and is meeting all his milestones.  We really can't wait to meet him.

I'm in a mixed state of excitement, joy and panic.  So much shopping to do and so much to get organised at work (not helped by the fact that we've just had a major computer failure and have lost 2 weeks work  ).  As there are only 5 employees at my workplace including myself we are having to have a meeting tomorrow to discuss how they will cover for me.

Hope everyone is well.

Better get some work done now.

love
Cindy


----------



## Natasha

To Cindy and Ann,

I just wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS.


----------



## Natasha

Sorry tabbed and enter then!!   

Just wanted to say congratulations and reading post like yours makes me so excited and even more enthusiastic to get on the road to getting our children.

Good luck and well done
Love Tasha
x


----------



## Val 12

Cindy your post made me cry   but it was actually tears of happiness  
I'm so pleased for you and dh and I bet you can't wait to meet your gorgeous baby boy.

Keep us posted as to how things are going

LOL Val xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Val 12

Hi also want to say congratulations to Ann and hope your girls continue to bring you as much happiness
LOL 
Val xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## KarenM

Cindy

I'm not surprised you had tears of joy, I am so excited for you and Lee   And yes indeed what a fab birthday present.  Have a great time planning and shopping for him and getting the nursery ready for him.  

Good luck on the work front, its not easy planning cover.  I feel so out of touch and really concerned about what is happening to my department whilst I'm gone.  They've not sent me half the stuff I requested and I think my assistant wants me to come back later rather than sooner (getting a bit too big for her boots).

Been very quiet on here today, hope everyone is ok.

Bye for now
Karen x


----------



## Nicky Duncan-Finn

Cindy and Ann 

Congratulations to both of your families on your great news. 

Best of Luck 

Nicola X


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Ann and Cindy

You guys have both put a big smile on my face this am    .

Can't wait to here more news from you both when you get a chance.

Visit number five for us today, he's coming to us first then poping in to see our friends next door but one who are are referee's. Back again on Tuesday and then he's seeing my parents next Friday. So we still seem to be on track for panel on 3rd of March  Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

TTFN Mandyxx


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Congratulations Ann and Cindy....you must be sooooooo excited!

We had our SW around yesterday, although she's not going to be the Sw that will do our home study?! But she was very encouraging and said having spoke to us that we should be assigned a SW in the next week and to aim for going to panel in May. So that's not too bad. 

Mandy if you don't mind me asking where are you based, cos your so lucky to get assessed so quickly. Do you know yet what age group/how many you're hoping for? You've probably written it before but I can't remember.

better get back to work,
XXXRuth.


----------



## Mummyof2

Sounds like things are moving forward to everyone.  

As for me - After waiting 7 weeks and 2 days   for a home visit I rang the sw again and asked what was happening.  She told me I just had to wait as it was out of her hands and in the hands of her manager who is the one who allocates sw to home visits.   I asked her for the phone number of her manager and rang him.  As he was busy I left my number and he rang me back and agreed that 7 weeks is too long to have been waiting and hopes to allocate our home visit within the next 2 weeks depending on sw commitments.  He says we have now missed the February prep course as well as the Jan one and he is sorry about that    So the waiting continues - you sure have to badger and not take no for an answer with these people  

All the best to everyone

J


----------



## jude2

HI,

Congratulations Cindy and Ann, I hope everything goes as planned for you.  

It certainly helps me to keep positive knowing it can happen!  By the way, it seems a lot of you have adopted young children i.e. under 2s.  Were you very strict about ages when you spoke to your agency.  I have found most will not take you on unless you say at least 0-5.  I am happy to take on one older child but I do feel i would like to experience some of the 'firsts'.  it is a bit more difficult for us I think because of living in London and high non-white children being looked after.

Jen:  well done for badgering them, you could have waited ages if you had not spoken to the manager.  I don;t see why she says it is out of her hands. Surely she could speak to him.  My team would speak to me on behalf of a client.  Mind you, we are not clients, we are a resource for them and that makes all the difference!

Hope everybody is doing OK: I am looking forward to/scared in equal measure about our first meeting next week.

Love
Judith

PS Message for Karen:  sorry if this is a bit cheeky but I have found it very hard to find this out, and thought you might know as you are HR manager.  Should your employer continue to pay your car allowance while you are on maternity/adoption leave?  Mine says not to women on maternity leave but I think this is wrong as you would keep car?  As adoption pay is so paltry it would be worth having as I get £5000!.


----------



## helenb

Congratulations Ann and Cindy!  Fantastic news for you both - enjoy every minute with your new children! 

We went to visit voluntary agency yesterday and, after 3 rather intensive hours or chat, decided we go with them rather than our LA.  They do home study and prep courses at the same time and think we're looking at April start aiming for October panel!! We clicked with the SW manager straight away and they do seem a bit more professional, our LA seemed very vague as to timings etc.  Just waiting to hear back actual dates etc.. but overall they were really encouraging!  

One thing they queried was our lack of experience of looking after young children on our own and have suggested we con friends / family into letting us do that for them for a day or overnight.  Did anyone else have to do the same?

Helen

X


----------



## Ruthiebabe

yeah we did......strange borrowing other peoples children, but keeps the SWs happy!


----------



## KarenM

Hi girls

Mandy - things are really moving on for you. Good luck with SW visits to your family and friends.

Ruth - great news and May isn't too far away either. There'll be plenty to do between now and then. Are they able to transfer over any of the stuff you did beforehand?

Helen - as we hadn't had direct care of children, despite having lots of children in the family and through friends, we ended up doing an observed day in a social services day cetnre (nursery). We had a great time and it was really good to be independently assessed.

Jen - hope you get to hear from them soon and glad your persistence paid off.

Jude - The following will apply during ordinary adoption leave i.e. the first 26 weeks _ "The employee is not entitled to receive 'remuneration' (ie wages and salary) during their ordinary adoption leave but, apart from wages and salary, they have the right to benefit from all the terms and conditions of employment which would have applied to them if they had been at work instead of on adoption leave.

Entitlement to wages or salary during adoption leave is a matter for negotiation and agreement between the employee and their employer (or their representatives). If they meet the qualifying requirements, they will qualify for Statutory Adoption Pay." _ During additional adoption weeks i.e the remaining 26 weeks this is for negotiation between employer and employee and there may be company policy in place that stipulates what would occur during these circumstances. Hope this helps.

Ever - any news on a panel date?

Well I've just been speaking to my sister. For those of you who don't know, she lives in the States. I have only met my nieces on two trips, one when she came here and one when I went there last year for a week. She's visiting at the end of the month and so it will be her chance to meet my kids. My nieces are so excited and I can't wait to see them both and my sister too.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Bye for now
Love
Karen x


----------



## magenta

karen,

happy to hear that you will be seeing your sisiter and your nieces.  Dh and I haven't done much baby sitting but have spoken to friends over Christmas who are more than happy for us to help out with their children so hopefully we will have done some overnight child care by the time we reach prep course and home study.

how is motherhood?  Any hints and tips to pass on?  I don't know the ages of your girls as I have only read the last couple of threads (although I am assuming they are both <5.).  is it as wonderful as I imagine or are there issues that are difficult to deal with too?

We sat down and had a big discussion last night and have decided to go with a voluntary organisation as our agency  - rather than LA.  We really would prefer a younger chid (pre 4 if possible to give us a year to bond /settle full time prior to school).  Just need to which agency choose now.  

If there are any members or lurkers from Scotland I would love to hear from anyone who has used St Andrews Chidrens Society or the Scottish Adoption Association.

Hoping to go to an Open Meeting/initial meeting in Feb/march with a view to as prep course in April/May.

magenta xx


----------



## KarenM

Hi Magenta

My girls are now 14 months and 26 months.  We have had a few difficulties with the eldest one due to the fact that they hadn't lived together and she had 4 weeks with us on her own before her sister moved in.  We've handled it pretty well considering (well I think so anyway).  It is an absolute joy and it is now very hard to imagine what our life was like without them.  I wouldn't change it for the world.

I am not to sure on the location of everyone so cannot say if anyone is from Scotland.  Good luck with whichever you opt to use.

Karen x


----------



## everhopeful

Hi Karen

In reply to your question - I have spoken to SW in the week, and was told we are still on track for Feb panel. We've still to have our independant SW visit though and haven't seen our Form F, so aren't convinced it's ready.
They said they would be in a better position to confirm panel date by today. Haven't heard anymore. They said they'd be in touch to see us next week. Only time will tell. Don't feel like saying the exact date we've been given for panel, until we've had it confirmed and I know it'll definately happen.

I'll let you know more when I do!!

Take care, and best wishes to everyone

xx


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Ruth

We are in the North West of England.  They have been failry quick despite our 1st SW leaving but I think alot of this has been due to me being very firm, constant phone calls, e mails to head SW etc. if you read back at some of my old post i did have a bit of a nightmare. But kept pushing my corner and it has paid off so far. Fingers crossed that the rest of the process goes fairly quickley aswell.

With eveyone is seems that you really have to keep onto them inorder to get things done, so don't feel bad about pushing for what you want.

Ever i have fingers crossed that you get your panel date confirmed.

Good Luck.

Mandyx


----------



## Boomerang girl

hiya all,
wow so much seems to be happening- for everyone else at least but not us! 

I got pretty fed up. we did what we were told and waited to get the dates for the jan/feb prep course. we didn't bug the sw's as I know they are busy, but when it got to early december and we still didn't have the dates I rang to get them. only to find out that the jan/feb course was cancelled due to staff issues and they couldn't say any more than the next one will be some time in spring, not likely to be before march. oh I could have hit the roof! I did actually explain how peeved we were that no-one had told us, they had decided some time before but had not remembered to inform us. the head honcho basically said they were all working as hard as they could to cope but without enough staff they couldn't hold courses. they have actually had to stop new applications, not because they don't have enough chn, but because they can't manage the number of applicants they already have. so we who are due to go on thenext course have to wait until they have processed enough of their current home studies, then they will do our course, get us going with home studies, then maybe open for new applications again. It is so frustrating when they could have organised themselves to recruit- its not like you don't get notice when people are going to take maternity leave is it?
So by the time we do our course it will be twelve months from our initial application. a couple of these months can be put down to them wanting us to wait after me having had some depression when going through fertility treatment, although having read the doctors report I am pretty sure this was just the head social worker's way of stalling us because they are over subscribed with potential adopters.
so basically i have taken a big break from the boards and tried to get on with work and life. things have been pretty sweet actually, we are off to prague for the valentines week too. we have my god daughter overnight as requested by the sw's, have read all the recommended books (well I have- not really holding my breath on dh reading them cover to cover!) and we are now just getting on with having some fun and living our lives. we are def on the next course, its just a case of when it is run. I shall expect to have gone to panel by the end of 2005, but with this LA's history so far I don't expect it to be mush sooner than that. One good thing about the time scale is there might be a chance our original social worker will be back from maternity leave by the time we get a sw for the home study. we really liked her!

good to see some of you are progressing through, and really pleased all is well with the girls karen.
kylie
x


----------



## KarenM

Kylie - I wondered where you had been.  Sorry to hear they have been messing you around.  We had something similar in the initial stages with another authority.  They basically cancelled intro meetings and wouldn't progress your application without attending.  In the end we went with another authority.

Enjoy the things like holidays whilst you can.  We had five in one year building up to going to panel etc as we new time and money would be precious now they are here.

Ever - hope you get to hear soon.  Thinking of you and dh.

Mandy - it certainly pays off to persist.  Hope all went well with this weeks visit.

Cindy - any more news on the intro's yet?

Hope everyone else is ok.

Love
Karen x


----------



## everhopeful

Hiya - some advice please!!!

To Karen, Bex, Cindy, Ann and anyone else who's already been to panel....

What did you wear?!!!! I know how silly I sound, but I've suddenly had a panic about it! I don't own any formal outfits. I wear smart but casual for work, but they are not my best clothes and I want to make an effort!
I think I always look smarter and more "me" in smart jeans, boots and nice top. Is this a complete no-no?? 

Am I expected to be all dolled up to the nines? ie. going out and buying complete new "formal" outfits? 
I know how important this day will be but I'm thinking that these people at panel are betting off meeting us - the prospective parents - us as we are. Not disguised in clothes we would never normally wear.

Your opinions please ladies... Trinny & Susannah, please help!!!!!


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi everyone,

Well after speaking to the sw manager who said that 7 weeks was too long to wait for a home visit and apologised for the delay, I had a phone call the next day from a sw who arranged to come for the home visit on the 28th of Jan so that will be 3 months since we first applied and we are hopefully looking at a march prep course.  Feel better now that I have a date so thanks to those that suggested the badgering approach.  I will certainly be doing that from now on.  This sitting and waiting gets you nowhere that is for sure.  

Kylie - I am totally shocked by how long you are having to wait.   I was feeling hard done by for waiting since September and not getting very far along but that is nothing compared to your wait.    

Everhopeful - I am interested to hear what it is suggested you wear so thanks for bringing it up and sorry I cannot help not having been to panel myself yet.

Hi to everyone else.

J


----------



## jude2

HI everybody,

Karen thanks a lot for your reply.  It does help but I am not sure whether care allowance counts as salary.  it is not treated as salasry fro purposes of e.g. pension contributions etc, so I think maybe not.

It is a bit disheartening to hear about all the waiting that goes on.  I will definitely try the badgering approach myself, though I have quite good hopes for the new LA I am going with (hopefully), as they seem to be pretty efficient (so far!).  Jen, glad you have got somewhere at last.  Hope it goes more smoothly from now on.

Ever, obviously I am nowhere near panel but on the adoption UK website somebody aske exactly the same thing and there was a long thread about it.  Hardly enybody went 'formal'.  I think most men wore smart trousers and shirt but probably not a tie and women seemed mostly to wear skirt and top though a few wore trousers.  I don't think too many people wore jeans.  If you want I'll find the name of the thread for you.

Hope everybody else is OK,

Love
Jude
xxx


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## KarenM

Ever - I wore a pair of bootleg black trousers and a t-shirt material smartish top with my black boots.  Rich wore a casual short sleeve shirt (as it was a baking hot day) and a pair of beige cargo trosuers.  So smart/casual dress is fine.

Jennifer - glad you got a call so promptly.  Good luck for the visit on the 28th and hope they give you some firm dates for March.

Jude - I've worked for companies who both pay and don't pay.  Although it forms part of your terms and conditions, as it is a payment that is made to you this will ahve to be negotiated with your employer.  It should be the same as what they would do for someone on Maternity Leave.

Nothing much going on here.  We are having a few behavioural problems with the eldest.  Not due to the adoption, but due to attention seeking now there is someone else who is sharing her "Mummy and Daddy".  We've been trying all sorts but nothing that's been hitting home in the long term.  She behaved really well all last week so as a reward she was allowed to go swimming today, since we've been back she's been as if someone swapped her i the changing rooms for another child.  All part of the experience!!

Ann - hope your two are settling in nicely.

Cindy  - can't wait to hear more aboutn your little boy.

Bex - hope Liam is settling in nicely and that your reviews have been going well.

Bye for now
Karen x


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## Ann

Hi Everyone,

We have had a lovely few days as a new family - and it is wonderful   we are both very tired but not because the girls dont sleep - they do and for 13 hours a night - we can't quite believe that one!!!! it is an emotional rollercoaster for us all with lots of new experiences and faces for the girls and for us just getting to know the girls is a new experience every day - it is WONDERFUL


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## Ann

I am not having much luck here as I have typed 2 messages and lost them.

I will try again tomorrow.

For panel my dh wore a shirt, tie and smart trousers and I wore a black skirt, top and leather jacket - our social worker told us to be smart!!!!!

speak soon ann, dh and the 2 girlies xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Laine

Ann & Cindy

Congratulations to you both on your wonderful news.

Laine x


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## Jayne

Only just had chance to catch up with this thread, and what a fab read   

Ann - Many congratulations to you and your dh on becoming a mummy & daddy.  Sounds like you're having a ball with your daughters.  CONGRATULATIONS! 

Cindy - Many congratulations to you and your dh too    Looking forward to hearing all about your little boy.  

Lovely news for you both.  So pleased for you   

Lots of love. 

Jayne x


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## jude2

Ann,

Congratulations to you both, sounds like you are having a wonderful time.

Jude


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## Natasha

Just a quick question how long is it before a sw calls you to arrange the first home visit to see if they think that you are ok to go ahead with adoption.
Jen is that what took you 7 weeks?
Well done on pestering them hopefully now everything will move a  lot quicker for you.
If they agree you will they give you a prep date then?
I went on the 11th do you think that it is too soon to call and chase them up?
Not that I am impatient or anything!!!  

Hope every one is well and congratulations again to Ann and Cindy  

Tasha
x


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Tasha

I say it's never to soon to give them a call, from my experiance you are always better to give then a little nudge 

We went to an info evening and arranged to meet the SW 2 weeks later, she made the date with us on the night.

Good Luck and keep pestering.    don't give them chance to forget you.

Mandyxx


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## Mummyof2

Tasha - it took us 7 weeks to get a phone call re arranging the home visit (and that was after I began chasing at 6 weeks and spoke to the sw manager to ask what was happening) and that home visit is booked for 2 weeks time so it will be 9 weeks from first requesting one    Going from that I think the 11th is a little soon to be pestering them.  Personally I would give them 2 weeks and then ring and ask what is happening.  Don't leave it any longer as from my experience you need to keep pestering and asking what is happening.  I took the line that they would ring when they were ready but after 6 weeks I had had enough of waiting.  Of course it varies from area to area how busy sw are I guess.  Mandy had a different experience to me so I hope you will be the same.  I am hoping that the sw will give me a prep date after we are approved on our home visit which I am hoping she will say whilst she is here.  We know that we are too late for the Feb one so we are hoping we will get in the March one as prep courses are held every 6 weeks here in my part of the midlands.

All the best to everyone

Jenny


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## Natasha

Thanks jen, i will give them another week and then i'll call them.
I;m from essex has anyone else had the same sort of problems that jen has had in our area, we are with Chelmsford LA.
Hope that everyone is well and that all your little angels are well
Tasha
x


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## Nats

Hi everyone...

I have been really slow at catching up with everyone, but we had a new kitchen delievered the weeks before Xmas, hoping to get it in over Xmas when we had time off but we both had flu....now we are working every waking hour to get it ready. We are now living in a house with just a kitchen sink.....and about 6 inches of dust in our front room!!..........Our SW visits today, but she so lovely that she will totally understand!

Tash-we are with Colchester and I think you will find that overall they are very quick. After we went to the open evening, we got a leetr about 2-3 weeks later saying someone would be in contact, it was only a 2 weeks after that, the SW came to see us. Here is our journey so far:
Open Evening - Aug 03
SW Visit - Oct 03
Health Checks & Police checks - Nov & Dec 03.
Prep Groups - Feb - Apr 04
Waited for a SW to start home study
Started Home Study Oct 04
About 2 months away from going to panel..
I would also say that its as little too early, maybe if you havent heard in about 2 weeks then chase them up but im very certain they have it all in hand,. We have always been pleased with the way we have been dealt with.

Huge CONGRATS to Ann & Cindy....this is what its all about...and its fab to hear your news...

Mandy- Thats fab news that you are off to panel, you have certainly been through it over the oast few months but you are nearly there!!!....fingers crossed...

Jenny- Im sorry that you have been waiting so long...Keeping everything crossed that she gives you the thumbs up for your March Prep Groups..  

Karen- im sure you have everything in hand, one of the "common problems" we were told about was attention seeking. Im sure you will come up with something that works for all of you, but its still lovely to hear that all is well.......

Hi to evryone else....I promise I will keep more in touch!......tonight is our discussion on finances....and how we will be able to afford children...how interesting, not only do I deal with company finances during the day, I then have to go and talk about mine!...never mind!   

Natsxxx


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## jude2

Hi everybody,

Had our first meeting with LA yesterday, to see whether they wanted to take our application on.  It was much more intensive than I was expecting:  3 hours and the opening question was 'tell me about your childhood' plus we had to describe each other, say whether it was love at first sight, had we had previous significant relationships and things like that.  They said they would ring to let us know today.

I felt quite stressed today waiting for the phone call as it felt like a mini version of panel I suppose (I think their questions were based on all the sections of the Form F but in much less depth obviously) but anyway they did phone to say they would love to have us.  It;s quite odd how paranoid you can get and think you have said the wrong thing or that they might hate you or something. They were really lovely though and we actually had quite a laugh in the meeting.  But then afterwards I worried that they might think we were too jolly/joky.

We shoudl get  assigned a SW this month or next, and then they will do our checks.  We are down for prep course mid April and the home visits will start after that but be quite closely packed together.  they aim for 9 months from allocation of SW (or so they say at this stage!).  

They seem to have a higher proportion of white children than most London LAs so that is good (for us).

I am feeling really pleased, feels like something positive is happening at last on this long and frustrating journey to becoming parents.  On the way there we had to drive along the Westway, which we used to do on our way to ARGC every morning when I was having my cycle, and we used to have a stupid bet about where the traffic queue would start.  it was quite poignant, but my husband was quite funny, laughing about us driving along there furiously saying 'we'll get some one way or another'.  

Anyway, what a ramble:  hope everybody else is OK,

Love
Jude
xxx

PS I am a bit worried they think we are a bit posh:  they asked why I don't have a Geordie accent and kept going on about where I went to university (I went to Oxford, not that anybody would think I was very bright if they read some of the rambling posts I write) and would I handle having a not  very bright child.  Has anybody else felt this, or am i just being paranoid?


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## everhopeful

Hiya everyone

Just wanted to share my bit of good news.... we've finally had our date for panel confirmed.... 17th Feb - only 4 weeks tomorrow!!!!!

And also SW has hinted there may be a form E to look at before then.........   Don't want to get our hopes up because it seems far too early to even think about a possible match, so we're thinking of it purely as an exercise to get us into hang of things!


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## KarenM

Hi everyone

Not much going on here to write about.  

Crazy - good to hear from you.  I don't think any SW's expect us to be superhuman.  We had major house problems during our home assessment which always once fixed seemed to break again, this went on for months (was a huge hole in the dining room ceiling!!) so don't worry provided come the time it is save and habitable for the children.  Good luck with panel.

Jude - that's great news, they want you for being you.  Just be yourselves, at the end of the day that's who the children will be living with.  I have a habit (I think it is good some think it is annoying) of being super organised and needing to plan every last little thing.  Our SW just takes the p!"$$ now and we have a really good laugh about it.

Ever - was just posting at the same time as you and then it said another person had posted,  what great news for you and a Form E, blimey you must be jumping for joy 

I must get and update the list as we are nearly at the time for a new thread.

Hope everyone else is ok.

Love
Karen x


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## Natasha

Hi guys,

Nats thanks for your help, i'll leave it another week and then give them a call yours seems to be moving on quite quickly. Hope that the kitchen gets fitted soon!!!

Jude, thanks for your post its quick nice to read about someone who is just in front of you and then you can see what is coming!!! Don't worry if they said that they are pleased to have you then that is all you need to worry about.  Congrats, your on your way!!!

ever what is a form E?

Hope everyone else is OK, speak soon

Love Tasha
x


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## KarenM

Natasha

A Form E is the child's equivalent of our form F.  Basically it contains lots of information about them and their family and is used by you to consider if you think they are a suitable match.

Karen x


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## Natasha

Thanks Karen, i haven't had this bit yet so it sounds like a foreign language!!!  

Ever congrats, hope it goes well for you


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## Pooh bears mummy

Only 6 weeks till panel  OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Parents are coming down from the Lakes tomorrow to see SW, they are a bit nervious and I must say, so am I   but I am sure they will be fine.

Ever, the prospect of a form E, that is great news 

Chat soon Mandy


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## LB

Ann - congratulations - you must be delighted.

everyone seems to be moving on nicely - this thread is so busy now.

We are feeling quite excited here - we start our prep course tomorrow and are looking forward to it.

take care everyone
LB


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## *Kim*

Good luck for tomorrow LB. Will ring you in the week.

Love Kimx  xx


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## Jo

Just popped in to say, Good Luck LB for tomorrow !!!!

Hi to everyone else on the inspiration thread  

Love Jo
x x x


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## Fee

LB - posted to you on Rainbow - but just wanted to make sure you see our Good Luck wishes for the course today

Fee, Richard and Laura xxxxx


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## saphy75

GOOD LUCK LB

hope it all goes well today 

luv pam xx


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## jude2

Good luck LB,

Let us know how you get on.  I am waiting impatiently until my turn in April.

Love
Judith
xxx


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## Ruthiebabe

I'm sure you'll find it really interesting LB. My DH was happy to go along but thought he'd be annoyed/bored through it all, and came out singing it's praises! Wouldn't stop going on about to the extent he started saying that he thought everyone who ever wanted to have kids (by any menas) should be made go on the course! Definately and all-or-nothing kinda guy!

Nothing new to report on our progress....we're meeting up on the 2nd of feb and will hopefully get our new SW assigned then.

XXRuth.


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## Twinmummie

Hope all went well today LB can't wait to hear how it went.We start ours 2nd.Feb but next Tuesday we are going along to a special meeting where they will show us photos and videos of the children up for adoption.So excited

Love Georgia
xx


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## KarenM

LB - hope you enjoyed the course today.  

Ruth - good luck for the 2nd Feb

Ever - any more news on that Form E?

Not much to report here other than I'm sporting a nice shiny black eye thanks to our eldest.  She fell over and hit her head today, so I went to pick her up and give her a cuddle, except through her tears she misjudged putting her head on my shoulder and cracked her head against the top of my cheek bone.

Hope everyone else is ok.

Love
Karen x


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## KarenM

Time for a new home girls.......this way......

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,21289.0.html

Love
Karen x


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