# Newbie here with no-one else to talk too !!



## halerush (Apr 18, 2008)

Hi All

I have just joined FF and have been reading some of the posting from people which sound like they are in similar situations. My name is Kate and I am 29 (almost 30) and my husband is 41.

Me and my DH have been trying now for around 3 years and have recently began our first try through a course of ICSI. Luckily the 1st part where my DH had a PESA/TESA went well and his sperm was plenty and well enough to freeze.
I started my treatment of Nasal sprays and injections just last month all was going well until I went in for my last scan on the 11th April (last week) and was told my follicles were still not quite big enough so to go away and carry on the injections over the weekend and return on Monday for another scan. This I did, on Monday I had the scan and was told my eggs were def ready to come out but that had Multicycstic ovaries and had now produced too many and was at risk of my oestrogen levels being too high so I had to have a blood test to make sure it was save to continue. That evening i had a call to let me know they were high as expected so I would need another blood test in the morning to see if they would start to drop again to a normal safe level. Apparently normal is around 13,000.00 and I was at 26,000.00. I went for the blood test feeling quite positive as I had been told that they should def drop by wed/Thurs and would be having my eggs out by the weekend. But later that day when the nurse phoned it had all gone pear shaped. My levels have dropped but by 5,000 overnight, which apparently is not good news. The nurse had never seen anything like it as people only usually drop by a maximum of 1000. The doctor has decided to cancel the cycle.

I am know waiting for my body to get rid of the 30+ eggs it had produced and am booked to see the doctor next Fri (25th) to see why they was such a drastic drop. 

My husband already has 3 children who are 17, 20 and 23. The 20 year old has just let us know that she has been caught and is expecting. I am not sure how I feel that my step daughter is having a baby before me but their is nothing I can do. As much as I know he really wants to have children with me as well I am not sure he realises just how much more strongly and hurt I feel about the whole thing.

I live about 300 miles away from any of my family and don't have any one that I can really talk too.

Feeling very lonely and at times quite depressed but am just trying to look forward to our next try and not get hung up on the things that go wrong. 

Good Luck to anyone else who is currently trying, I wish you all the best.


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## sanjo (Sep 8, 2006)

Hiya Halerush

Welcome to Fertility Friends - this is a fabulous site with lots of lovely ladies with lots of advice and a really caring bunch. 

I'm not to familiar with ICSI treatment so i cant really offer much advice but hopefully someone will be along soon that can help you out.

I just wanted really to say   and to let you know that your not alone in this journey we are all here to help you through the good and bad times and to empathise with your feeling about your step daughter - its hard when other folk around are "caught out" and your desperately trying.    I wish you all the best for your journey and hope to see you around the boards

Lots of love

Sanjo xxxx


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## chickchick (Oct 10, 2007)

Hi Kate

Thanks for posting on my message earlier.  I've had a read of what you've got going on and my heart really goes out to you. 

I've only been on this site for a couple of days and am already finding the support beneficial and for the first time in nearly two years, I don't feel like I'm alone.  

First things first, this site is fab and there is lots of support on offer from people going through both similar and different situations to us, but we are both step-mums (albeit part-time) and that brings with it a whole different and complex set of feelings.  I've just been introduced to another forum site: Childless Stepmums (www.childlessstepmums.co.uk) which I think you should definitely check out (if only to know that you're not alone).

It's wonderful that you can have such a positive attitude.  I'm sorry that you've not been able to go ahead with this treatment this time but at least you know your that you have plenty of sperm to work with and that the treatment is all lined up for you.

As for your step-daughter, I don't know what to say...  that's one of my biggest fears (luckily his daughter is only 14) but in this day and age, you never know what will happen.  Do you have much contact with his kids now? 

I look forward to messaging you in the future. 

Take care for now. 

H x  

/links


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi Halerush,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome to the site  .  I cant really be of much help but just wanted to say you have come to the right place for support and information.  

Good Luck
Emma
x x x x


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

ah halerush, my heart goes out to you hunny. IF can be such a lon  ely place. there are lots of us matey, its not just you   we all understand how heart renching it is and we are here whenever you need us  

keep strong, take it one step at a time, oh and buy yourself lots of nice things off the internet (added that bit extra cause it dont half keep me going!!)


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello halerush, welcome to Fertility freinds. 

I am sorry you have had your cycle abandoned like this  It's such a disapointment. The one good thing that I hhope will come from this is that your clinic will now know exactly how you are likely yo respond to the drugs next time so it should go much smoother and you should start out on a more appropriate dose / drug for your type of response. Here is some questions you might want to look at as you may want to ask at your review meeting:

* Follow up Questions ~ *CLICK HERE

I can only as the pregnant stepchild is the nightmare of every one of us whose partners have children from a previous relationship.  I can't imagine how painful it must be to be facing this when you are longing for your own so badly.

Here are some more useufl links to parts of FF for you:

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Male factors ~ *CLICK HERE

*ICSI ~ *CLICK HERE

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. You will fnd a thread, usually with a funny/inspiring name for this year's buddies. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment.

*Cycle buddies ~ *CLICK HERE

And don't forget to have a bit of fun while you are on FF and check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area:

*Girl & Boy talk - Community & Fun Board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie night in the chat room every week (*Wednesday at 8pm*), where you can meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

Wishing you lots of luck! 

C~x


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## halerush (Apr 18, 2008)

Thanks so much to everyone for the support, this site really does make a difference and makes me feel like I will be able to express myself at last to people who understand what i'm feeling.

Thanks Chick Chick for the response, my stepson has actually been living with us now for some years he moved down when he was 12/13 yrs old and is now almost 18. His daughter has been living down here too for some time but had her own flat, since finding out she is expecting moved back to her mums in Nottingham so at least it's not gonna be rubbing it too much in my face (that may sound a bit harsh but i'm sure you know where i'm coming from). Thanks for the links to the cycle forum I will def be having a closer look once I get started again which hopefully wont be too much longer.

Thanks again all and good luck to everyone.


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## billsmummy (Apr 21, 2008)

Hi Kate, i read your message today and as another person whos facing huge disappointment my heart goes out to you. I did my test this morning which was a BFN but during the cycle the hosp wanted to cancel as i only had 1 follicle-the complete opposite to you. I had to beg them to let us carry on and they did but i will never forget the huge black cloud over me while i waited for what could have been a final scan. i am very slow on the drugs and eventually things happened. I think that the huge upset i had a couple of weeks ago prepared me for my neg result although its still very hard. Will try again as i cant face not doing anything. The step daughter thing is awful for you, but im sure you put your best face on when you see her keeping inside how you feel. I have a couple of friends who are pregnant at the mo and i have to go out of my way to speak to them and see them as i feel they think im being OFF otherwise. The way you feel will never go away but it does fade a bit.
Im new today so havent done my profile yet but you can look up a bit about me-billsmummy.
hope to speak to you again  
mandy


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## halerush (Apr 18, 2008)

Hi Mandy

Thanks for the kind words, I understand exactly what you mean with friends since we started trying on the ICSI/IVF route 4 people near by have ended up pregnant or just given birth to beautifully little babes. As much as I really don't wanna hold and hug them cause it makes you feel even more desperate for one of your own you have to do it so not to risk offending people and losing your friends altogether. 
I am so sry to hear the news about your BFN  , I send you lots of love to help you through it. 
I am not sure how I will cope waiting during the 2ww it was bad enough having stopped when they did but I know its gonna be even worse when I go through the whole thing.  

Well I wish you all the best on your next try and I hope the drugs work better this time so you get many eggs to play with. 

Hope you keep in touch and feel free to come on and mumble, winge or general chit chat, it what we are all here for   

Kate


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## chick (Apr 22, 2008)

Hi, just thought I'd say Hi, Iv'e just joined the site and can sympathise with you just a tad, I also have two stepchildren of the ages 17 and 15 and the 17 year old lives with us and constantly goes on about having a baby!!I don't know wether they do it just to wind me up but I can only imagine how it feels to have you're worst nightmare confirmed that they have a child before you.  I am due to start my ICSI treatment in June so I have no idea what your'e going through with that, sorry!!But now that they know that you react well to the drugs surely they will adjust the dose for you next time and keep a closer eye on you, my fingers and legs are crossed for you for you're next cycle!P.s. I think that our DH don't understand the desperation and despair and longing for a baby of our own because they already have children, well I don't think mine does anyway!! Chin up and fingers crossd


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## billsmummy (Apr 21, 2008)

Hi Kate, how are you feeling today and whats happened to the folls? Is it very painful?
My period finally came this morning and even though i had 2 BFN at the weekend it really is over now. I have a follow up booked in a couple of weeks but don't really know what they can do for us. I think i have an implantation prob. Its funny though all through the tx its all very scientific and exact but when it comes down to the most important bit its just pot luck. 
I dont know if you have tried any alternative methods, i have done reflexology on and off over the last couple of goes and also had accupunture just before and just after the ET.
I know you've prob heard it all before but it does you no good being stressed, so try and give yourself some TLC. Its so hard to relax i know as your whole world gets caught up in the whole hosp thing, some times i think im only happiest when im backwards and forwards to the hosp. 
Good luck with hosp on fri, maybe write some questions down beforehand as these docs are very quick to get you in and out. Dont give up hope though. Now you have had a stab at it they should be able to adapt your next tx to you. 
Speak soon Mandy


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## halerush (Apr 18, 2008)

Hi All

Thanks for the kind words people

Chick - You seem to feel exactly the same way I do and no my DH doesn't fully understand how I feel. He was however very gutted when we had the 1st cycle cancelled so I know he really whats it to happen. I hope with your step daughter doesn't fall pregnant with her living with you i would be even worse then my situation.

Billsmummy - Hi mate hows things. I had my appointment today with the doctor who explained things a lot better, I apparently have polycystic ovaries but do not have any of the usual symptoms apart them reacting to the drugs the same as POC's do. They had already put me on a small dose of just 2 ampules once a day last cycle but they have now decided to go even smaller and start my next stim on the 9th June with just 1 ampule once a day when the injections start. This should def stop me from getting over stimulated and managing to get to my 1st EC and ET   

Well chick looks like we will be starting a cycle together so may see you down at BACC one day  

Speak to you all soon gotta go do some work now, thanks for the support ladies.


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## billsmummy (Apr 21, 2008)

Hi kate, so its all systems go again-when do you think you will start. One consolation will be the cost-i was on 8 amps a night for 30 nights. Menopur alone cost over 3k! But its worth every penny when you get that BFP. I wish you all the luck in the world, so keep me posted
love mandyx


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## ~Sapphire~ (Apr 14, 2008)

Hi Halerush,

Just wanted to see how you got on at your appointment yesterday.  Glad they seem to have a plan for you.  Wishing you the very best of luck next time.


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## halerush (Apr 18, 2008)

Hi Guys

Yes all is go again unfortunatly they couldn't fit me in for this months cycle so I am having to wait till next month but happy to just get going again.
Mandy I can't beleive how much Menopur you had to take, god mine is nothing compared to that and soooooo much chepaer just 1 ampule a day for about 10 - 12days. 
The clinic had ran out of the sniffing drig this time as well so I am having the Zoladex (think thats whats called) injection instead that lasts for the whole 4 weeks. I gotta go to the Drs to have this on the 9th June and then go in for my 1st scan on the 17th June to see how its working.


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