# birth names



## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi,
Just pondering on the birth name issue. I agree that a child should keep their birth name as for some it's the only reminder they have of their birth family. My question is if your child arrives with a really dreadful name, I wont give any examples!!! can you adapt them at all? Our SW has gone to great lengths to stress that you can't change the name completely, has anyone any thoughts or experiences on this?
Hope you are all well, I am finding this board invaluable for advice and support thanks all!
Love Jill xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Jill

YES it is right that SS like you to keep your child's birth name as it is part of their identity BUT saying all that we changed our DD birth name & gave her a new name & used her birth name as her middle name, hope that makes sense!

We wouldn't have chosen our DS name but it really suited him & being the age that he was when we adopted him (3yrs 10 months) it would have been wrong to call him another name after all those years when he knew his name so well, it really suits him & goes great with our surname.

Their is another adoptive mum on this site who has also changed her children's names because they were unusual names and could have been easily traced, I'm sure she will correct me if this is wrong but she will be able to help you on the difficult name job.

We decided to change our DD name as although we could live with the name it was one we wouldn't have chosen & our SW was brilliant and knew we wanted to change her name to one we loved & she supported us all the way.

Wait & see what happens, you may be surprised what names your children may have and love them, it they are young enough (babies) & you have the support of a good SW then I couldn't see why you couldn't change them.

Everyone has a different opinion on name changes & all though I agree it is part of their identity I was lucky to change our DD name & glad we did.

Good luck with everything.

Andrea
xx


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Andrea, that's really interesting that your SW supported your change of name for your DD.  Our SW has stipulated that she would be very annoyed if we go back on the fact that we have said we won't change it.  We wanted to do what you have done.... if we adopt a very young child... to change the first name and use the birth name as the middle name.  Our SW said that a couple who have recently officially adopted their child, changed the name and she was really annoyed that they went back on what they had promised. 

Our SW is very laid back as well, and is lovely... but this is obviously one of those things she feels strongly about.  We don't feel we have any choice now TBH, as we wouldn't go back on what we've agreed.


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Jill

We advised the SW that we would only consider changing a child's name if it didn't go with our surname (we would do as Andrea did and use it as a middle name) alternatively if it meant that they would get picked on at school.

We were very lucky with our DD's names and one was a variation on a name we would have chosen.

Good luck
Karen x


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Thanks All,
Our SW told us about a couple who did change the first name of their child and she said they would not consider assessing them for a second child! This scared me abit!
Jill x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Cor blimey wasn't I a lucky one to get a SW who supported us 100 per cent all the way over changing our DD name. 

She was a brilliant Sw & I'm glad we had her, she knew how important it was for us to feel comfortable with a name that we would choose, rather than feel a bit down hearted over a name that although wasn't horrible was just one that we wouldn't have chosen.

A very good friend of mine who did concurrent planning at the same time as ourselves changed her babies name as well as she could not stand the name that the BPS had given her, it was horrible!  Although the SW was not 100 per cent behind them she understood why they wanted to change her name.

i think it really depends on where abouts you live & what your SW is like.

If you have been told from the off that they don't like you to change birth names then I wouldn't go rocking the cradle by saying you want to, you'll know what your own SW is like & if they will support you.

Like I said I was very lucky & our SW preferred the name that we had chosen for our DD, she said she looked more like her name than her old one!

Andrea
xx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Jill

When we first saw our dd's form e, our hearts sank at her name. It was the one thing that put us off initially. We had many discussions with our sw and the child's sw - and we agreed to keep her first name and replace her middle name with one of our choosing. That way, we've kept her birth name, that she knew, and is her identity, but she's also got her new middle name and our surname. 
We used a nickname for the most part when she first came home, and now I challenge anyone who pronounces if wrongly, because I soon learned that her name, is her - it suits her, it's her personality. Now we're proud of her and her name. I suppose really it came down to that fact the her name wasn't a big deal once we'd met her and got to know her.

It is a tricky one though, and even now I hope that the next little one we might get, has a nice name!!

Love E x


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