# Baby fever!



## Matilda7 (Feb 22, 2011)

What do you do you do when it seems like everyone around you is either trying for a baby, just had a baby or is announcing they're pregnant?  I've still not totally got my head around going it alone, but my baby fever is out of control at the moment.  While I'm happy for my friends who are having babies, I do feel pangs of jealousy and am just thinking "why not me?"

I quite actively started looking into my options a couple of months ago, but then kind of stalled on it.  This week, however, I've gone into overdrive and just can't stop thinking about it.  All of my reservations - what other people may think, the fertility procedures, money, etc - are just flying out the window and all I can seem to focus on is BABIES.  I think I'm going insane.  A friend told me she was pregnant yesterday and I actually felt like I'd been stabbed.  I do feel really happy for her, but also feel like...I don't even know how I feel.  Just, anxious, maybe?  Anxious over how long I should wait for "Mr Right".  Should I just go ahead and start the process myself?

I know noone here can answer these questions for me, just needed to get it off my chest a bit ;-)


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## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

We have all felt that pang of feeling like you have been punched in the stomach when someone else says they are pregnant.

It is a little different for me as I am not single. I went through 8 years of ttc with my DH to be told our only hope was IVF with donor sperm and he went into melt down and refused point blank. We ended up split for a while and I started down the route of treatment alone when he came back with tail between legs.

I wondered if I should wait, try and find a new husband, extricate myself from the marriage - how much time would that take when I was already 37?

About the same time as we were getting all the terrible news about our prospects and my DH was basically saying no to a donor and therefore no to me ever having a baby, ALL my friends were pregnant with their first - ALL my friends have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and I am now 33 weeks pregnant with my first - so I feel really left behind.

The 6 pregnancy announcements from friends (not counting all the colleagues and family cousins etc) have been very hard. After my best friend sprung it on me at Hampton Court Flower Show that she was pregnant out of the blue, I cried the whole day, it was really awkward and I cried for 72 hours afterwards. I really was shocked at my own reaction.

It stems from a deep seated need and instinct. Whatever the reason why you can't get pregnant right now - whether it be a medical diagnosis or lack of partner or willing partner, it boils down to the same thing. Your instinct has switched into ''must reproduce'' mode and you can't switch it off. Other people's success seems to exacerbate the panic you feel inside about time ticking by.


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## upsydaisy (May 9, 2009)

Hi Matilda   


That is exactly how I felt for around 15 years   I think Hazel sums it up perfectly it's a fundamental human instinct, at a very basic level it's what we're here for.  Not everyone feels it in the same way but the word 'stab' is exactly how I felt when my closest friend announced each of her 4 pregnancies.  I lived in terror of my cousins and younger brother becoming parents.  It was a horrible horrible way to feel    When I first saw a consultant about my fertility issues I started blathering on about how irrational it all was and he stopped me in my tracks and said 'what on earth makes you think it's irrational' (actually that would be my mother    but that's another story!!)  It really was like a physical pain that I lugged around with me for years.  When my daughter was born it turned off like a light, gone.  I'm still a bit jealous of those with 2 or the option of having two BUT it is nothing compared to what I felt before.  So glad you posted on here, life is tough at the moment but life is heaven compared to what it was. In a perfect world my daughter would have a loving father and we'd live happily ever after in a cottage with roses round the door, but it's not a perfect world, as a teacher I've learnt that quality is immeasurably more important than quantity when it comes to parents.  I know I will have to justify my choices to my daughter and hope that in some way she will understand.
Unfortunately a huge part of the decision making process has to be based on how old you are.  If I were you I'd get some basic fertility tests done and that will tell you how much time you have to play with. 
Take care  
Upsy


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

matilda -   
all very normal...my friends started having babies in our early 30s, my (younger) sister had the first of her 3 children when I was 34 (and she was 32)...I waited until 37 to start ttc on my own - tried all manner of dating etc first but Mr Right stubbornly refused to put in an appearance...
I turned out to have fertility problems and it took me more than 3 years and many attempts to conceive. I now have 9 week old twins - most of my good friends have 10 year olds!
I wish I'd started earlier, but I think you'll find that's a common thought amongst us singlies
You don't say how old you are, but the closer to 35yrs+, the more important you start sooner rather than later if you want to maximise your chances of conceiving relatively easily/quickly

as you say, only you can decide, and I think you will know when the time is right   
best of luck
Suitcase
x


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