# Newbie with initial home visit this week



## juboo (Dec 26, 2012)

Good afternoon, this is my 1st post on here so a bit of a momentous day!!  
I used to be on the infertility site and on infertility network (I have made some amazing friends on there) I have been having a good old read of everything on here, I have been so impressed with how positive and supportive you all seem and the info has been incredibly useful in getting to this point.

After 3 lots of ICSI my DH and I have moved forward with adoption, it feels like a new and exciting/terrifying path and we have our initial home visit this week.  We have scrubbed the house from top to bottom, my friends are calling me Monica (from friends) as i even scrubbed our front path and bleached our bathroom grouting, they had better use the toilet and admire my grouting ha ha!! 

I am incredibly nervous although DH says he is not (men!) so any advice is most welcome, we have met the SW's before at the info evening and adoption week open day and they both seemed lovely but it is daunting having 2 strangers in your home.

We have two dogs who adore everyone and when friends bring their little ones round we don’t ever have any problems, but they will bark when somebody comes in to the house, I just hope they like dogs, i think a 4 hour long walk in the morning might wear them out a bit   !) I know we will need to have an assessment for them and that is fine.

we also have a town house, does anybody have their LO on another floor to their bedroom, the SW's have said they don’t see a problem with this but a foster mum friend of ours said for her agency this would be a no no.

Anyway waffle over!
thanks in advance for any help/words of wisdom!!


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Welcome  

I live in a town house and my boys bedrooms are on middle floor and mine is on top floor, no social worker ever mentioned it  either as a foster carer or adopter.
We also have a mental spaniel who barks when people come to the door  and were worried about how he would be but we popped him in the kitchen after he had been allowed to greet them and he was fine  

I remember those feelings before a SW visit and its the not knowing that is the worst but once they are actually there then you will be more concerned with offering them a cuppa  and which biscuits to get   
Just remember they are only human and aren't there to catch you out on anything which it can feel like. They just want to meet you and answer any questions you have 

Let us know how it goes
Suzie


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## baby0684 (May 20, 2012)

Good luck with the visit. Im sure that you guys will be fine.

My friend who is now aproved, has a large dog, she the softest thing ever though.

I was and still am Monica. My friends at work were laughing at me coz I was worried that there was washing in the machine. Also I bleached everywhere the day before so it didnt smell too clean lol.

Cannot comment on the floor situation. Sorry.

My thing to remember is to turn my phone on silent. I always got random calls/text when she was here.


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## Guest (Jan 7, 2013)

Hi,

All the best for the home visit, try and write a list of questions as its about being right for you too.

I can remember our first visit and the cleaning, banned DP from using the downstairs loo until after she'd been!! Mind you am still like that now! Oh and he's not allowed to sit on the settee that day once plumped up cushions until SW sits down!! - it's all normal (I think!!)

Xx


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## juboo (Dec 26, 2012)

Oh thanks all you have already made me feel a lot better about it ( although have just finished descaling the kettle , house now stinks of vinegar lol)
writing a list is a fab idea, that will help to stop me waffling on to I hope and allow Dh to get a word in!!


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Hi Jubar!

I love your comment about bleaching the grout... although DF may not thank you for giving me ideas  

We also live in a townhouse with our room and a large spare on the top level, and a third smaller bedroom on the middle floor.  We have had mixed messages from different agencies.  One LA we enquired with found this a big no no, but our current VA are more realistic and feel that we should judge each child individually and whiter they could cope.  If we have a singlie, or a same sex sibling group they will be upstairs with us so not a problem.  Our thinking currently is that we would want a child settling in to be very near us so would probably leave the middle room as an office e(as it currently is) and maybe use it in the future, so when a child got older, or siblings wanted their own space.  Just things to think about.  But just showing you have thought about it all will stand you in good stead.

As for the dogs don't worry, so many people adopting have pets - the norm I think as we try to lavish fur babies with love after not being able to conceive.  You will have to do a pet assessment and cover what actions you would put into place if your child or children we to be allergic.  Basically child wins, everyone is happy!  My cat is so naughty each time SW is at our house.  It always seems to be raining so he is inside and bored, and decided to have some fun    He has ripped and eaten wrapping paper, hid behind the sofa digging, miaowed constantly, sat all over her paperwork, nearly choked on a toy he decided to try and eat (she actually retrieved it from his mouth  ), climbed in her handbag and bitten her finger    So cannot be worse than naughty kitty.  Other than that he is soooo lovely!!!  I think she likes his character, well, I hope so at least  

Oh, and good idea with the questions Dinks!  I would also add dates of significant events, eg, when you got together, got your house, had fertility investigations and treatments.  It can be hard to remember when put on the spot!  Good luck and mainly, enjoy!


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## juboo (Dec 26, 2012)

Ha ha your kitty sounds brilliant, I must admit what i like about my hounds is that are a little mischievous at times, like when they have stolen the socks and then proceed to pretend they are invisible (if I don’t look at you, you cant see me and the socks!)

Thanks all, your advice is great, DH and i have had some building quotes as well to see what we can do to reconfigure if needed but at the moment we are just guessing what they may say. When we spoke to one of the SW's before who is coming on Thursday she did say she had just placed two sisters who were in an attic room with mum and dad downstairs so not an immediate problem for her but I think you are 100% right it des have to be what is right for that child.

I shall let you know how it goes!! (note to self , must not swear, must not swear!!)


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Lolly you cat sounds like mine    Our assessing SW for W didn't like cats at all and mine kept trying to get on her lap and when he got shoved off decided to get into her bag to sleep   
Our LA never mentioned to us about bedrooms so guessing they didnt see it as an issue 
xx


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

How can anyone not like cats?!! They sense when they are not wanted dont they and make even more of a fuss, haha!

Isnt it strange how what is seen as important or not varies so much between agencies, and even SWs sometimes. To be honest the LA that said it was a problem found multiple 'problems' which our VA have either dismissed or actually seen as strengths, so maybe not the best example! Im sure that as long as you have considered points, eg, stairgates, baby monitors etc, they will be happy xxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Just wanted to say good luck I am sure it will go great x


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## smudgerbabe (Sep 16, 2011)

I have a really ridiculous one - I always make sure the kettle is pre-boiled and biscuits and mugs ready to go - it saves that awkward moment when they're sitting there either making small talk with your other half, or sat on their own looking in detail at all the bits you missed when cleaning!! Or even worse my first SW actually came into my kitchen with me for the entire time the kettle was boiling and this was not part of the plan - so she was chatting and I was thinking OMG did I clean inside the fridge etc etc lol!

Of course they are not worried at all and the more visits I have the less I (Monica) clean and tidy up and it makes no difference whatsoever!


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## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

This post brought back so many memories  I remember the mad cleaning, the baking and brushing the dog so he was not scruffy.
Was it worth it............. was it hell, she didn't eat cake and only wanted to use the toilet( which is always clean as I have a thing about clean toilets) Yes give your home a clean but don't go mad, they know that you have done it and know that is not how people live all the time.I remember her actually asking how were we going to cope with all the mess with toys pen marks on the wall etc to which I replied " bring it on I can't wait". 

As for the dog, like you I was worried as he is a big furry collie x Samoyed and jumps up  on people when they first come in but on that day he was out side when she came but she wanted to meet him , so we explained what he was like but made it clear he was not nasty in any way but a little over friendly, by the end of our 3 hr session he was sitting on her lap while she was writing her notes   and did so every time she came

Try not to worry to much , I am sure you will be fine and good luck.

Skyblu.xx


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Ooooh yes, a pre-boiled kettle is a must!!!    SW always leaves half her drink, no matter what she has, hoping it is the massive mugs and not my brew making skills    Going to test it out tomorrow and get DF to make the teas!!  Only prob is if she drinks it all I will be gutted    The things home visits make you think about


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## baby0684 (May 20, 2012)

Lolly. 
My SW is the same. No matter what she drinks she never has it all. 
And on the 1st visit I completly forgot, and then until they said they would accept my application I was worried that it would go against me!


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

No cuppa, oooh you were lucky!! Haha! I often think I should do the whole cake and biscuits thing, but just dont think I can be dealing with the cant answer cos my mouth is full/awkward crunching/spraying crumbs thing!! So half a cup of tea it is!!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I'll get baking at the weekend in preparation lol x


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Oh yeah Gwyneth, put me to shame why don't you


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## juboo (Dec 26, 2012)

Im very lucky my lil sister has just brought round a home baked Victoria sponge bless her!
Roll on tomorrow, thanks everyone!!!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Gutted my sister lives in Australia lol. Good luck for tomorrow I'm sure it will go really  well  x


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## Ally Wally (Mar 1, 2011)

jubar...just wanted to say good luck. i'm so with smudge on the pre-kettle boil...always a winner.  don't be disheartened if she says no to the offer of cake or biscuits. our sw never eats the biscuits and i end up eating them when she is not looking and questioning dh ;-) however, we had a breakthrough the other day when she had one of my brownies...i was so excited (how sad am i?)

definately write down the important dates, like when you met, moved into this house etc as it can be hard to remember on the spot.

i remember before my first visit, i squeaky-cleaned the area around the kitchen table, scrubbing everything, hoovering every little dog hair...actually hoovered the dogs!...and then she chose to sit in the lounge. i'm sure she saw my panic as i hadn't cleaned that area as well but it was fine. i do remember freaking out when dh decided to have a last minute poo 10 min before she arrived. 

my dogs are always super excited to see her and attempt to rip her tights each time but she loves them and is very good with them. a long morning walk and a chew bone for a few minutes helps to calm them.

anyhoo...good luck...can't wait to hear how it goes.

xx


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## juboo (Dec 26, 2012)

Hi all, your top tips came in very handy!! They were here for nearly 3hours so we are knackered but it was actually really enjoyable! they were both really lovely.
We start prep course last week in Feb, can't wait!
both had a cuppa and some cake ( very impressed that my sis had thought to make it for them!) and the hounds behaved impeccably......now sleep!!!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

That's fantastic well done you x


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## Guest (Jan 10, 2013)

Great news

They really are very tiring meetings, we are always worn out and drained after! Great news preps is not far away, now they really do shatter you but great though and you learn so much!!

Xx


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Yaaaay, brilliant news!! Stage 1 'tick', now the fun starts


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## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

Glad all went well.
Good luck on your journey.
Skyblu.xx


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## Ally Wally (Mar 1, 2011)

they had cake! whoo hoo, i like them already. so pleased it all went well...welcome onboard this crazy train


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## juboo (Dec 26, 2012)

Oh i am exhausted today, hadnt realised quite just how nervous we had been, We actually really laughed a lot yesterday, they even commented on the grout ion the bathroom....Ok i may have told them that if they didnt say how lovely the newly bleached grout was i would be very upset, one of the SW has now taken bleaching the grout home as a top tip ha ha!
They said that they were grateful we had been so open and they saw no reason not to progress. It wasnt until we were talking about our support network that we realised how lucky we are to ahve the suport of our friends and family, it really does get you thinking doesnt it.  I am not getting to excited, its all feels like it has gone a little to smoothly and im sure it wont continue but it is nice to be part of a process rather than feeling it is being done to you which is how i felt with our IVF.

Anyway just wanted to say thank you so much everyone for making me feel so welcome, i feel like part of the gang already!! kettle was pre boiled and dogs had been walked and bribed with biscuits and writing everything down was great!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

That's fab got mine Monday hope it goes as well x


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

You suddenly realise you are tense, on edge etc, when SW walks out the door and you finally exhale    For me that cues in the fatigue and instant headache  

Oh, and glad your poochies were ok, my kitty was up to his usual tricks.... He stood on her folder and started digging (like when they cover up their poo etc in a cat litter tray  ) for AGES!  Next he started batting her phone case around and knocked it off the sofa and onto the floor, then sat for a while just staring her out!!!   So after SWs mini stare off with our cat (she lost!) she got back to business, but the moment she turned away he jumped onto her lap, lay across her notebook and started chewing the end of her pen   I asked if she was used to pets playing up during home visits and she said 'not like this'!!!   OMG


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

you sure our cats aren't siblings Lolly   

Glad the visit went well   and prep isn't too long to wait for 
x


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Our SW did say he will be good training for when we have a child with all the attention seeking behaviour he was displaying  

Such little characters huh?!! xxx


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## baby0684 (May 20, 2012)

Glad everything went well with your visit *juboo*.

Hope your visit was ok *gwyneth27*.

My vists always seem to be over really quickly. Even though some have been nearly 4 hours. I think most visits with other couples SW have been about 2 1/2 - 3 hours. I think I babble alot!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Visit went well thanks. I was mega nervous but she was nice and not intimidating at all. She was with us for about two hours and then she rang the next morning to say we have been accepted for their June prep course.  Their next one is February which is full and then June. So good news also our 6 months won't be done till May so it works well. So now just wishing the next four and a half  months away because we're desperate to get started x  x


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## baby0684 (May 20, 2012)

Thats good news. 
I went on prep course last June. I really enjoyed it. I made some good friends there.


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## juboo (Dec 26, 2012)

oh that's great Gwyneth27, glad it went well.....roll on June!!
I'm on countdown, wishing the days away until ours starts in Feb!!


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## juboo (Dec 26, 2012)

're-joined the gym today, want to get fitter for my medical!!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Good for you I need to get running been wanting to get out but the weather is making it a bit lethal  . Hoping the weekend will be ok x


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## juboo (Dec 26, 2012)

Good morning all!
Our official invite to prep has arrived, along with our 1st piece of homework!!
I must admit I had a little cry about it.......it's actually happening, roll on our 1st day!!

Now to get DH to do the homework, all good practice ha ha!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Great news can't wait till I join you x x


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