# Feeling a bit detached



## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

I wonder if some of you may share this feeling? 

I am in the space between being matched and meeting my LO for introductions and I feel quite detached as though it isn't happening. It's hard to describe after all that you go through to get to this stage where being a mummy is within reach and it just doesn't seem real. I could almost describe it as apathy. 

Perhaps it's because I have become used to waiting and not being able to take action,  but somehow it feels like a little of the joy has gone. It could be because I am not sleeping particularly well (of course that's exactly what I need to be doing now and getting all the sleep I can!) I don't know. 

Has anyone else experienced this? It's not cold feet or second thoughts just a kind of lull. Hard to explain really  x


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Yep got can totally relate. Even now little pink has been home two weeks it still doesn't quite feel real. I think it's because we can wait so long and always have a plan of action if things go wrong, it's hard to believe when things are finally going right. Many of my work colleagues would ask before matching 'Oooh, you must be beside yourself with excitement!' and while at times I was often I really wasn't because I simply couldn't process that after 7 years this was really happening. It's a very strange feeling isn't it? You're in a limbo right now with little you can do and that's hard when we are used to being proactive in order to get what we want and need. Tiredness doesn't help, when little ones come home it really doesn't help I can certainly vouch for that! I'm struggling today!! But please know that all your feelings will mirror many of those who have experienced it and will be experienced by the others who will go on to walk in your shoes. So no practical advice but a big   and the realisation that you are normal!


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## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Thanks Lolly

Glad to hear that someone else has / is experiencing the same feelings.  People do keep saying "ooh you must be so excited"

Of course I am excited, nervous and all those things as well as being a bit _____

Got my letter through about matching panel this morning.  How did you find it?  What did they ask you?


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

Felt exactly the same, I'm afraid I didn't feel at all excited. In fact if anything I felt a bit depressed which didn't seem to make any sense. I think I was quite apprehensive about meeting lo and whether he would be like I pictured him. I was also worried about something going wrong before matching panel or being turned down. Everything was fine the moment I met lo.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Matching panel was a positive experience. The chair came to talk to us first and said we looked nervous and not to be, we wouldn't be here if it was felt we weren't the right parents for little pink, they just liked adopters to come to life as it's hard reading about a person and then never meeting them. We had 4 questions, little pinks social worker had 2 questions that and our social worker just sat and smiled and was asked nothing!! It was quite quick and very painless in the end!! I was far more nervous at approval panel funnily enough


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## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Lolly I had warned my SW at approval panel that I would burst into tears.  She didn't believe me.  I said that they would be tears of joy, but that to expect some waterworks... 

I sat down and promptly burst into tears  

I did manage to compose myself relatively quickly.  Just hoping that the same thing doesn't happen when I get to matching panel.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Oh I cried actually in panel in front of 14 people!! They asked what we were most looking forward to and I started talking about long standing dreams of a simple family life and not watching from the sidelines anymore and that was it, I was gone! The chair said 'someone get that girl a tissue'


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## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Snap! I was asked why I wanted to adopt and that was it, I was off... 

Fingers crossed I keep it together in matching panel.  I'm not one of those 'pretty' criers either - it's all red eyes, snot and sniffing


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

And mascara streaks down to your chin


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