# acceptance of not ever having a baby



## shades (Jan 12, 2011)

I am 44 been through natural pregnancy with no heart beat and  then tubal surgery to open up blocked fallopian tubes without succuess and then 4 attempts at ivf a roller coaster since the age of 22. Ive recently discovered a clinic in london arcg who specialises with older women ivf and went for consultation and was on the monitoring period when the doc did a scan and told me i have hydrasalpinx in my left tube this cud have been there for years and no-one picked it up was told to have the tube removed but the operation did not go to plan my tube could not be removed as it was to close to the bowel so it was just drained and clipped with 2 filshie clips applied to it but this the operation 8 weeks ago ive been experiencing pain in the area which is unbearable climbing up the stairs and driving to the point where i am now considering getting the clips removed. 
I have since had a lot of time to think about what i was doing to my body and like all childless women feel so let down and feel like a failure in many ways and dont want to waste any more time and money only to gain pain and need to be realistic about my chances of ivf at the age of nearly 45 for both myself and for any future child to give it the quality of life wud not be fair on either of us so hard as its been ive really tried to come to terms with the decision i do not want to persue this anymore. Ive decided that both me and the hubby need to prepare for our pensions and do the things we can like travelling. I am having counselling for feeling like a failure but everything happens for a reason and this was just not meant to be.


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

Hi Shades, 

Please dont feel like a failure,  you are a strong and couragous lady and you have givin it your damn hardest to try and achieve your dream.
You should be very proud of what you have done.
It must be a very hard decision to let the rollercoaster come to an end.  It is just so hard sometimes not knowing if the next attempt could be the one.  Such a shame that we dont have crystal balls that could tell us if and when it will work.

I think you have been amazing and i really admire how hard you have tried.

Obviously you dont have to answer but would you consider addoption or fostering as i am sure you have so much love to give.

Thinking of you,

Lyns xx


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## Clod (Dec 9, 2010)

Dear Shades,

You are not a failure, your not, your body has let you down as mine has. I am 44 in a few months time and with all my years of flying on private Jets my eggs are completley caput! Frizzled, Fried!
My husband is 10 years younger than me and I have to say he is the most amazing person I know, it grieves me big time I cannot produce an off spring for him, we have had 3 attempts using donor eggs to no avail, we will keep at it, but I know in my heart and soul that it will happen for us one day and I hope you will not give up, there must be some options for you and if there are you must keep at it.

You must be strong and keep fighting, we will get there in the end, but it will take lots of blood and perserverance.

We must be strong.

Clod


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## Reb S (Aug 29, 2010)

Oh Shades,
I know exactly where you are.  I'm trying to decide what we should do and one option is just to say - enough, it wasn't meant to be.  I think you're being incredibly brave and you will find the strength to live life fully and without regret, as I hope I will if we decide that way.  Reb x


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## Jet (Jun 10, 2003)

Shades big hug first   
It is so hard when you have tried so much, life is so unfair, I do understand I too have tried to conceive for 15yrs with no luck.
I really do think people can be so harsh when ever you meet anyone new one of the first questions are have you got children? when I say no, it goes silent  ....
All I can say is I am sorry you have to experience this pain...
Keep smiling
take care hunny
Jet


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