# Views on counselling?



## Spanner1977 (Oct 15, 2019)

Hi everyone, 

I'm interested in peoples experiences of counselling? After 2 fresh IVF cycles ending in early miscarriages and one unsuccessful FET, I thought I might lose the plot so made an appointment with the counsellor at the clinic. I'm not one of those people that talks about their feelings all the time.

Anyway, I had the appointment with the counsellor (I had told her my history on email beforehand). So she kept asking how I felt about things, I just wanted to reply that 'I feel   about this and I need you to tell me how to cope, not ask how I feel!!' I was hardly going to respond that I was ecstatic about the situation. I guess I was naïve thinking one session would help me, and perhaps I didn't gel that well with her. I asked her to send me links for articles and books to read, and felt that helped me more.  

So really I just wanted to know if counselling has helped others? 

Thanks x


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## Anenome (Oct 18, 2019)

Hello,

Counselling can be hugely beneficial but it can also depend on many other variables.  Sometimes you just don't gel with the counsellor and sometimes you may not be quite ready to talk about issues and feel irritated and overwhelmed by being asked what you feel!  It is so normal to just want a counsellor to just get on with telling what you should do but that isn't always how counselling works.

It may be that you get on better using resources and other forms of support or it may be that the one session was not enough or with the wrong counsellor?  Was your counsellor a fertility counsellor and able to address your particular issues?

Maybe write down your feelings and some of the things you would like to get out of counselling and maybe some of your anxieties and irritations about your feelings etc?  Sometimes that can help reveal your feelings.

You are only human and maybe another try or another counsellor may help?  Have you tried the Miscarriage Association  or Fertility Network UK for support?

Best 
A xxx


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Hi Spanner
I also had counselling through my clinic. She was lovely and I really liked her but I never found it that helpful in terms of moving forward. It was great to have an hour to just cry as I tended to bottle things up but otherwise it didn't really help.

However unrelated, I have had counselling as part of long term back pain management. It was with a psychotherapist and utilised CBT. I found it gave me hints and coping techniques for managing pain that I also used to manage the emotional pain of IVF and all those thoughts running amoke in my mind . Sometimes it's not the counsellor but just the type of counselling that they can offer.

The counselling directory writes that _ Behavioural therapies are based on the way you think (cognitive) and/or the way you behave. These therapies recognise that it is possible to change, or recondition, our thoughts or behaviour to overcome specific problems._

It is certainly good to speak to someone who understands infertility or loss but it may be worth looking more into CBT or something. It won't change the situation but might help how you respond to it.

https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counselling.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8pu-robA5gIVg7TtCh1XkQ3lEAAYAiAAEgIMB_D_BwE

Good luck!
Turia x


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## Spanner1977 (Oct 15, 2019)

Many thanks Turia and Anenome for your responses and useful suggestions, much appreciated. I will have a look into those further. I regularly have acupuncture, which helps and I really like the lady who does it and I find I can talk to her.x


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## Mees_2020 (Oct 12, 2019)

Hi Spanner, have you heard of EMDR? It's a therapy for people who had a trauma or suffer from post traumatic stress. Very practical therapy and works fast. Wish you the best and if you want to write your story to see if that might help a little, you are welcome.


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