# Think I will be really anxious TTC again!



## Han2275 (Oct 3, 2010)

I am one half of a female couple so we obviously had no choice but to have fertility treatment  . When I think back about TTC the first time, we both had this lovely innocent naivety and didn't think for one minute I wouldn't fall pregnant and thankfully I fell pregnant with the 2nd DI cycle. I had a wonderful uncomplicated pregnancy and a lovely 4 hour home birth  . The only thing I had to moan about was daily puking for 12 weeks  . DP was a totally different story and had to have 6 x DI cycle, 1 fresh IVF, and finally fell pregnant after an FET. We both feel that we want atleast one other child but I feel so different now about TTC. We are not planning to at the moment as want DS2 to be a bit older and also trying to sell our home to move to Northern Ireland at the moment, but I think about it so much. I am very aware that I am so much older and I actually got my bloods checked at work a few weeks ago as I was worried that I'd left it too late  . I think we suddenly realised that fertility is such a complex issue, when DP had to go through so much to get pregnant. You realise that just because you want it so much, or you've been through so much, or spent so much money, doesn't mean that it has to work the next time. Life is just not that fair  . I know we are SO lucky to have our wonderful boys, but just like every woman and man on this site, you have this view of how your want your life to be and who you want to share your life with. We are also very lucky to have 3 embies so I know if I try to carry one of DP's embies, there are so many hurdles that have already been jumped  . 
I don't want to moan on and be insensitive to those who haven't yet had the wonderful gift of even one child, but I just wondered if anyone else felt really nervous that is just isn't going to happen for them again?


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## joeyrella (May 13, 2009)

I haven't decided whether to have any more treatment yet, still having yes days and no days but I can completely sympathise with what you are saying.  Part of my reluctance to try again is that I am really fearful of getting a BFN.  When I had never been pregnant BFNs were obviously devastating but I could only imagine how amazing a BFP would feel.  Now I know how amazing it feels when it works, I am terrified of experiencing a BFN again.


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## aurelia (Nov 17, 2005)

I completely agree with joeyrella, I know we're going to have FET next year but it seems even more terrifying as I now know what being pg is like so it feels like it'll hurt even more if we aren't successful even though we went through 7 years of IF to have Lanora. Just know that you're not alone and there are loads of people on these boards who feel exactly the same so it's really normal, not that that makes it any easier but I guess I have personally found it's helped me to not beat myself up about feeling nervous and not to feel so guilty for wanting more lovely babies when we're so lucky to have the one we've got.


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## Han2275 (Oct 3, 2010)

Thanks for your support ladies  
I seem to have got myself in a better place recently. I've got really unhealthy and about 2 stone overweight over the last couple of years and now I've started exercising and eating better. I feel so much better both mentally and physically and it is good to think that I am putting my body and mind in the best place for TTC again


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