# Loosing the motivation to carry on



## Slug (Dec 28, 2010)

Hi - I'm a new member but have visited the site often seeking words of support or answers during my treatment. I have had 3 lots of IUI, one positive pregnancy test with miscarriage at week 6. So held all my hopes on IVF, battled through the snow to get to scans and put my life on hold waiting for the result on boxing. Spent lots of time on positive visualisation telling myself I was pregnent only to find out I wasn't. 

Obviously devastated as I was convinced that if I could get pregnant on IUI then my chances with IVF were really high. I am now feeling totally demotivated and yesterday for the first time questioned whether this whole process if worth it. My DH says that I should accept these feelings as I am still recovering from the result and things will get better with time and I will feel more optimistic once we start the next round of treatment. I know he is right but I am finding the re-setting of my expectations all the time so hard.

Also it has become so consuming, anyone got any advise on how to lift yourself back up again and start enjoying the life I have while all this goes on?


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## tiger900 (Oct 25, 2010)

Hi Slug,

I'm new too but I can understand how you feel, my Health Board doesn't offer IUI so we are on the IVF waiting list, but we had a MC on clomid 2 years ago our baby would have been 1 at christmas. 

It is very hard to deal with how you feel and everyone deals with it differently, I think chatting to your DH is a good way forward. We have done our journey alone, it has been very hard for my DH to talk about how he feels and for me too. I've been told the positive is that getting pregnant at all is an achievement and it shows positive results can be gained for you. I think it will just take time for you to deal with it emotionally. I have got to the stage where because we are just waiting I have desided to try and forget it's there, so I can't tell you how it will work for you. I have found other things to take my mind from it, I do even classes and go to college courses to get myself on to other things. Maybe you could do something like this, maybe you and DH could find something to do together? My DH thinks a holiday is going to solve all our problems so he's planning a big one this year - has failed to consider that with our luck it will be when we r called to go to the hosp!! 

How long to you have to wait until your next IVF? I really how it works for you!


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## Slug (Dec 28, 2010)

Thanks for your post, its reassuring to know other people know how you feel. Its hard because I'm normally so positive but I think you are right that I need to sign myself up to something so I can focus my mind on that. Being New Year doesn't help, probably a combination of New Year blues too.

You are right about getting pregnant once, when I did miscarry I held onto that, it was hard but at the same time I was so happy to know that I could get pregnant.

Waiting is the hardest bit, once we got onto our treatment I felt really positive and excited and the time seemed to fly. So look forward to that.

We have 2 frozen embyos so hoping to start the treatment again soon and fingers crossed 
it all works out.


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

Welcome to FF, Slug ! This is a great website for support, information, laughter and friendship, it has kept me (relatively!) sane though all my treatment. I don't know how I would have coped without the lovely people here. Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help you.

I think after my 4th failed IUI I was on the brink of giving up and so depressed. I really couldn't go through another BFN, it was devastating, I totally fell apart. I found it almost impossible to go out in public because seeing all the families out made my heart break. I even ran out of Ikea crying because there were just so many pregnant women in there. Me and DH decided to take a break from treatment at that point and then started again when I was healed and emotionally ready - and it did take time. We just relaxed, spent time being a couple instead of lab rats! I had one more failed IUI before I was lucky enough to have a successful IVF. Perhaps your DH is right, perhaps you will feel better when you start the next lot of treatment, but at that particular moment in time I just couldn't do it. You are the only one who will be able to make the decision whether you can go through another round of treatment at this point.

There aren't many forums links I can give you because I see you have already had a good look round and posted in a few areas. But you might find the What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) thread will give you some info on how to navigate the site ~ CLICK HERE

Also, we have a newbie night in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet other new members and a few more experienced (I won't use the term "old"!) members will be there to answer any questions you have about the site. CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT

When you decide to go for another round of treatment you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment ~ CLICK HERE

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support, information and cyber hugs if you need it. We go through all the highs and lows of treatment together.

Sue


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## Slug (Dec 28, 2010)

Thanks Wraakgodin, I'm so glad I took the time to become a member. I think giving myself some time will help, I don't have the same urgency as I did with the other treatments. I just want to get it right and feel ready.

Thank you for your reply


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## carrieanne32 (Jan 4, 2011)

Hi ,
  I am new to the chatroom too x My DH and I have been TTC for 7 years and have tried clomid and have had one round of IVF without luck  and are waiting to start our 2nd cycle in the next couple of months. I think we all have bad days we just need to pull together as a couple and I think it has made ourmarriage so much stronger because if a couple can get through all of these things nothing can break our relationships . I think your DH is right a really good holiday will pick your spirits up that is what we did and it definitely helped us . We had put off really good holidays for so many years incase we got pregnant. Please keep your spirits up I know it is so hard but please be strong ( Somedays I am a snivelling wreck ) I will keep my fingers crossed for you


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## Slug (Dec 28, 2010)

Thanks, am feeling better now that I'm back a work. It's a good distraction. Are you starting ivf from scratch again or do you have some frosties?


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## Slug (Dec 28, 2010)

Thanks, am feeling better now that I'm back a work. It's a good distraction. Are you starting ivf from scratch again or do you have some frosties?


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## carrieanne32 (Jan 4, 2011)

Hi slug ,
    I am glad you are feeling better When i went for my last egg retrieval on my last cycle they couldn't get any from my right side so I only had a couple from my left side which we used , so we have to start from scratch again and they are putting me on a higher dose x


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## Slug (Dec 28, 2010)

Wishing you lots of luck with it.   Spring is a good time to start too - a time of growth and your body starts to wake up and come out of hibernation.  Fingers and toes crossed for you.


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## Daizymay (May 13, 2010)

Slug,
I could have written exactly the same as you a few months back when my 3rd cycle failed - I was devastated and went into quite a depression - couldn't face people/work/get out of bed/couldn't enjoy anything at all. I really don't know what helped me turn a corner, but turn  I did and i'm ready for battle again. You have to give yourself time to recover both physically and mentally. Don't be hard on yourself - allow yourself time. Remember the hormones will linger in ya body for sometime. Councelling helped me a lot and writing a diary. Your hosp should have a councellor linked to it for you to access. Keep talking on FF - that will help.


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## Slug (Dec 28, 2010)

Thanks Daizymay, was thinking of counselling because I want to get my strength back and be in the right frame of mind for the next round. Sending you lots of luck x


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## jenni01 (Oct 15, 2010)

Hi Slug! and also to the other ladies!
I didn't want to read and not post..
There is no doubt that this is one hell of a tough road that we are all on, no matter at what stage or what treatment we are undergoing, and it's only natural that we are going to be disappointed when thing's don't work out the way we want them to.
But...after we have had our tear's or punched a pillow, somehow we find the strength to carry on because we all want to be Mummy's and as pooh as thing's seem now we all no that we will soon forget the disappointment's when we are one day holding our little miracles 
Be strong, try to stay positive    
I hope all work's out for all of you..
Jen..x


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## Irish Dee (Jan 30, 2008)

Hello lovely ladies,

The topic heading caught my eye and I've felt that way so many times. I came across this poem on another thread ages ago and I keep it for when I'm feeling that the journey is too difficult to continue. Hope it speaks to you all,

Dee

****************************************************************************

*Just you keep on waiting for me.*
With every tear that falls, there is a lost heart that calls.
It calls to say I'm here, don't despair, I will come to you
when the time is right, when you least expect me and through
the quiet night open your heart to me, accept me, I will be there
in the end.

Your wait may be long, you may get frustrated by the whole
ordeal. In the end I will be real.
While others around you are succeeding your heart goes on bleeding.

I would thank you for being patient, I would thank you for
being the kind of person who shows persistence.
If it were not for this, I may never get the chance to have an existence.

In the chaos of your day, the calm of your night, let your heart
soar and take flight.
For so many tears, for so many years. You have been trying,
thinking of giving up but never doing it.
In the end you just keep on going in the hope that I will come to you, the one who deserves me, the one who can love me as no other can.

You will be that mother that you always wanted to be. Just you keep waiting for me.

Author unknown


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## Slug (Dec 28, 2010)

That is such a lovely poem Irish Dee. It fills me with strength. Thank you
xx


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