# I'm a midwife asking a midwife for advice.



## Babycatcher88 (Sep 10, 2016)

I have copied this from the 'unexplained' section if that's ok?

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Unexplained / I'm a Midwife and need support
« on: Today at 12:09 »
Hi,

Myself and my hubby have been ttc for 26 months. We've never had a BFP. I work in a very small unit and cover antenatal/postnatal and labour ward daily. I love my job but recently I'm fighting my emotions whilst doing it. I work with the obs and gynae consultant who is also the fertility consultant for the area and as it stands we were referred for investigations in July (8month waiting list). I have had bloods and scan which all seem normal and hubbys sperm seems more than adequate. We're just waiting on inspecting my tubes. I've spoken to the consultant and I've been told regardless of whether or not my tubes are ok we'll still be offered IVf. I'm struggling at work. I'm asked daily whether I have children. Currently staffing is bad because 4 of my colleagues have recently had their gorgeous babies and 3 are yet to deliver. I hit rock bottom the other day as one of my colleagues asked me to care for her. I delivered her gorgeous girl and could not contain my emotions. I cried all day (she believes it was for her and it partly was) because I felt so envious and also AF arrived that morning. I really felt the lowest I've been and hated myself for not being able to control myself. I felt an overwhelming sense of there being next to no chance of it happening for us (at least spontaneously). I cried the entire next day and by hubby had no clue what to do with me. I can control my emotions better around patients who I do not know personally although I still feel myself welling up. My hubby wants me to take some time off work. With poor staffing and my boss not knowing I'll feel judged and feel pressurised to go back. I also feel this is only going to get worse and I can't be off until I finally get a BFP!

Are there any other midwives' or similar out there. How did you deal being surrounded by pregnancy and childbirth and watching others start their family whilst desperately wanting your own? One bonus is the baby cuddles on night shift. But it's more salt on the wound.

Anyone's advice would be appreciated. I just feel I need to get away from it all and we haven't even started this process yet! 

Thank you in advance.


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## Kaz1979 (Apr 11, 2011)

Hi Hun. 

It tends to be just me that answers on here as its the ask a midwife thread. 

Your situation is not uncommon. I've had several colleagues in your position and at one point I felt like it myself. Thankfully my lg did not involve too long a wait. 

I would keep pushing your appointments by conusultant and GP were very supportive. So have you have you had initial consultation 

Kaz xxxx


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## Babycatcher88 (Sep 10, 2016)

No we haven't had it yet. It has all been arranged through her senior registrar who I'm friendly with. She sorted the bloods and scan for me. We were appropriately referred through my GP. We had a letter acknowledging the referral last month to say there is an 8 month waiting list and we'll receive an appointment for the initial consultation in due course. I'm not expecting to be seen quicker then any of the other couples who are waiting as it's not fair. 

I'm struggling with my low mood and irritability at work. I don't want to drive my hubby away and him dread coming home or his miserable wife coming home for work. He's been amazing so far and understands it must be tough in my line of work.

I feel I need a break from anything baby related. It's slowly driving me mad. 

I need to vent  thank you for listening/reading.


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## Kaz1979 (Apr 11, 2011)

So is there an 8 months wait for the first appointment? 

Do you have access to a counsellor at work we have one within our unit who also sees staff. 

Kaz xx


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