# SAD NEWS!! :(



## JazzaJazJaz (Sep 12, 2010)

Hi girls,
Okay.....here goes. I'm Jasmine, 26 years old, recently married to my partner of 6 years. Four of those years, we have been ttc, but have, so far, not got PG. I'm the problem, I'm the infertile one. Unexplained infertility. However, the wonderful DH is keeping my spirits up (he is WONDERFUL) and a couple of times a week, we have BMS. Just to try and see if a miracle occurs. Fat chance with me. I don't like to talk about my treatment if thats okay, as it makes me upset. Every couple around us seem to have either had a baby or announced a PG this year. It's getting me down. Has anyone else felt like this? Has anyone got tips on how to cope with seeing my SIL's new baby girl? 
Thanks,
Jaz


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## Jennyloola (Aug 2, 2010)

Hi Jaz

Just wanted to say hi and give you a big  .  I know what you mean about everyone else seeming to be PG around you.  It's sooooo hard not to become bitter and upset  .  Hopefully though it will just mean that you will appreciate it all the more once your turn comes round (and it WILL come around!).

Perhaps once you've been on here a little while and get to know everyone you will find the strength to discuss your treatments etc... and find support and encouragement from the other ladies on here.

I think this is a fantastic site (I'm fairly new to it myself) and I've found nothing but advice, friendliness and strength from the other members.

I wish you all the very best in your journey.  I'm sure we will all get there in the end  

Love Loola
x


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## tracey123 (Jul 25, 2010)

Hello, Jaz!

We have been trying to conceive for almost 3 years, and like you I sometimes find it really difficult when everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant just by thinking about it! So, I wasn't sure how I would react when my twin nephews were born in June. 

Everything was ok to start with and I was so thrilled for them, but the day they came home I ended up in tears in their bathroom. My brother knows about our situation and came up to see me - I explained how I was so happy for them, but feeling so empty and upset for me and DH as we don't know if we will ever have children of our own. He let me cry on his shoulder and gave me a big hug - bless him, he was brilliant.  I could have chosen to avoid seeing them too often in case I got upset again and miss out on their early years, but I decided that I wanted to be a big part of their lives and help look after them.  Those boys, and their 3 year old sister are a real blessing to us, and if we don't have our own babies, we have the joy of cuddles, nappies, feeds, and now smiles!

We are all different and deal with things in different ways at different times, and I pray your niece can bring you joy at a difficult time for you.

Love Tracey xx


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## JazzaJazJaz (Sep 12, 2010)

Tough part of the day over and done with. 
Seen my SIL's baby girl.She was cute but I didn't feel like holding her. Bring on Auntie Jaz. But another of her (the SIL'S) friends, who was, surprise surprise, pregnant, had the cheek to ay how dissapointed she was that she was having another (her fourth) baby boy and that she had wanted a girl! Woohoo? Hello? Muggins over here just wants a baby and can't even have that! How pathetic do I feel? This is why the DH and I avoid massive family gatherings like this, on his side at least, my family (sort of) understand and are sympathetic to our problems, whereas HIS family! Oh no! It's like running through a minefield! Even today, some interfering old biddy, A.KA. THE MIL, said in a very loud voice "Oh, Tony (my DH) when are you and Jasmine going to start planning a little family?" 
I swear to God I could have floored her. 
I didn't though. And as you may have noticed on my siggie, my ticker announces that we will be going away for X-Mas/New Year, to America. Thing is though, we aint told DH's family yet, and his Mum is likely to insist we stay for "the new baby's first Christmas!" Why should I stay if it's not my baby?!I can see it already, big family X-Mas dinner, all the trimmings with kids and new babies and my pregnant BIL's wife. If me and Tony just go away on our own, it'll be so much simpler. Plus its our first X-Ma together since we married. My family already know and wish us a happy holiday, but in a few weeks, the MIL is gonna come calling and instructing us tocome down for the X-Mas weekend. Really can't wait to see DH to tell her what's going on THIS year.Hehe. Sorry for the long vent, just needed to get it off my chest.


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## tracey123 (Jul 25, 2010)

Jaz,

I'm sorry you had such a difficult time with the family today.  Unfortunately people who are not in our situation do not realise how much hurt they are causing by what they say.  I also remember feeling really annoyed with someone when I found out she was pregnant with her third baby, thinking 'why should she have three babies when I haven't even got one!'  

I'm so glad that you and your DH have got a great holiday to look forward to  

Sending you a big


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

Hello Jaz and  to Fertility Friends

Jaz  If you are unexplained, how can you be to blame? This isn't your fault! Even if you'd been diagnosed with PCOS, Blocked tubes etc, It still wouldn't have been your fault  We all go through laying the blame with ourselves though at some point so I can totally understand you feeling like this, we all can  If and when you become ready to talk about your treatment, then that's fine  You'll get loads of support  
Please have a good look around the site and feel free to post in any area, and make yourself at home. There are many who are on their TTC journey, and others who have been fortunate to have little ones with assistance. You will soon discover that our members are very encouraging of one another and offering advice or just simple hugs. There's a vast amount of information here for everyone, so start reading, posting and getting to know others. You will make some great friends too, lots of members often have meet ups locally too, for chats, coffee, shopping or even nights out! You can share conversations with one another freely, simply because we all understand each other. It's hard when family and friends don't fully comprehend what this journey entails and the emotions that go with it. That's where we come in!

Here are some links which you should find really useful at the moment&#8230;&#8230;

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Complimentary, Holistic and Spiritual Approaches ~ *CLICK HERE 

*Unexplained ~*CLICK HERE

*Keep a diary of your treatment ~ * 
CLICK HERE
You may find keeping a diary helps, It's a great way to offload your emotions, Share your experience (when you are ready) and of course reading other members diaries, gives you an insight as to what the journey is like 

If and when you feel like taking the first step to talking about your treatment, then you could join Cycle Buddies  and get to know other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment.

*Cycle buddies ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our chat room. We have a newbie day in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet one of our mods for support, meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area. It's a small world!

Wishing you lots of luck    and 
Keep in touch
Ceri xx

PS I have also sent you a pm (private message)


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## JazzaJazJaz (Sep 12, 2010)

Hiya girls,
Finally ready to tell my story further!
So....here goes, a little bit about me...... I was born on October 9th 1983, so that makes me 26 years old atm. I met my DH Tony when I was in my third year of Uni in 2004. We started dating, got serious, moved in together, then when I graduate in 2006, we decide to start baby-making. We thought, hey, by X-Mas we'll have a little bundle of joy. No such luck. After six months, I went to my doctor and told her about the trouble we were having TTC. She told me not to worry and that some people just take longer, another two months later, I went back, and thats when I was referred to specialist. 
We, well I, had every treatment under the sun. You name it I had it done to me. Anyway,after all that, the doctor came and said to me "Sorry, but we're going to have to class your infertility as unexplained."
That made me feel 100% worse about myself! How much like a failure did I feel? I can tell you, I felt a lot like a failure!
Anyway, this was around 14 months ago. And (the then) DP said, in his always-look-on-the-bright-side-of-life manner,"We'll keep trying naturally and see what happens". I could have saved him the effort and told him what was going to happen. For example, around this time last year,I had a day off, and was expecting Aunt Flo to come calling, and when she didn't, I'd do what any young woman who was desperate for a baby would do. I went crazy, ran out the house, brought a pregnancy test, and on my way round town like an excited kid, I eagerly went snooping around Mother Care, and bought a pink jumpsuit for my "baby" and also a little cat teddy. Waste of money. Went home, peed on the stick, sat waiting for the damn thing to do it's job, dreaming of my long-awaited baby. What was the result!    I cried so much I can't tell you. The cat and jumpsuit immediately went into the drawer of my bedside unit, and when DP came home, I think I soaked his shirt through. I was so so so excited, and then to have my hopes dashed. It wasn't nice at all. Thats never happened again, and if anyone read my first post, they'll knw my SIL has a new baby girl and I a ever so tempted to give that little girl the cat teddy. I am starting to think I'll never have a baby of my own to give it to, so why keep it. However, a real bolt from the blue came when the DP took me out one night afterwards, in October last year, and got down on one knee! I was so happy, happier than I'd felt in a long time. We stopped TTC during our wedding planning, and since our dream wedding in April, we have decided to start TTC again. I'm still reluctant to get my hopes up because of what happened last time. Anyway...will keep you updated on my BM progress and will often vent on here about the DH's "wonderful" family. Will also be venting about P/G friends and relatives, so feel free to yell at me if I get too much to bear.
Thanks for reading this VERY long post.
Jaz


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## TP.C (Aug 29, 2010)

Hi Jasmine

Just wanted to say hello and send a hug   - so sorry you're feeling so blue 

My SIL has an 11 month old and is now pregnant with her 2nd. It is hard I know, but I just focus on the fact that I'm very lucky to have such a beautiful niece and I do love being an aunty...I have a wonderful DH and hopefully we will be lucky enough to eventually be parents. Don't feel like a failure; it's in no way your fault, and there's nothing you can do, and it sounds like you have a wonderful DH who fully knows and appreciates that 

I hope you are feeling brighter soon, very best of luck on your journey.

x


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## jay g (Sep 12, 2010)

hi jasmine and all

my wife found it amazingly hard when we found out sum1 we knew eitherv friends or in family was PG.  i found it hard too but didnt let it show much.  As time has gone on i have come to the stage that i treat every child in my family as if it is my child, i play with them till im shattered, buy them gifts spoil them etc etc

i look at it as i cant have 1 so god has given me many.  though this is easier said than done

wish u all the very best 
jay


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## JazzaJazJaz (Sep 12, 2010)

Hi guys! 
Back from work with DH, his car's in for an MOT so I had to do my duty of carpooling him to work.
It's Day One of us ttc naturally again. But I am wondering, should I or should I not book an appointment at my local clinic? They didn't seem to help much last time,but is it worth me phoning up and asking to see a doctor?
DH seems to think it would be a good idea, and just revealed to me that when he asked his parents if we could borrow money for treatment, if we needed it, his Mum said NO!!! NO!!!   I now know the witch hates me! Oh well! Do you think he should try to convince her otherwise? Or should we just stuff them and tell them where to stick it, within reason? And also, should I phone the clinic?
Thanks again,
Jaz
 
PS: Just to confirm, I did know that the DH was planning to ask his parents for financial help!


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## Every cloud.... (Mar 29, 2010)

Hi

I don't think it would be a bad idea to see your doctor, and at least it will be on your records to say from this date you started TTC.

Did you know your DH was going to ask his parents for some funding for treatment? I think perhaps take the middle road with his parents, OK they've said no but if you can fund your treatment some other way that would be best but maybe not tell them to stick it!!! You may need a different type of help from them in less than a year and maybe it's best you're at least on speaking terms!

Good luck with it all.


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## JazzaJazJaz (Sep 12, 2010)

Okay,
After a glass or two of wine and a discussion. DH and I have decided to try and fund any treatment we may need ourselves, and if we need to, we'll ask my Mum and Dad for a financial hand. I know most people's in-laws are a pain, but I think I really have been blessed with the worst in-laws EVER! Oh well, can't complain too much, got my darling Tony. He's all I need really  
Anyway, am going to update often to let everyone know how ttc naturally is going. Will come and check up every hour or so. And believe me, if I end up having a BFN, you wonderful people will be the first virtual shoulder I will cry on. I've put Tony through enough. And IF, IF the impossible happens, and I get a BFP, you will also be some of the first people I tell! Okay, wish me luck!! And anyone got any tips on how to put up with the dreaded In-Laws?!


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## tracey123 (Jul 25, 2010)

Hello, Jaz

I know you said that you would fund any treatment you may need yourselves, but if there is any possibility that you may want to try for NHS treatment in the future, I would start the ball rolling sooner rather than later.

I hope other people have had a better experience than us, but the whole NHS process seems to take forever.  Although we did ask to have longer to try naturally before starting treatment, we had our first appointment at the fertility clinic in November 2008.  There have been a few technical hitches along the way that haven't helped, but nearly 2 years on and after a lot of chasing things up, we are still waiting to find out the panel's result for our funding.  This certainly does not help the situation  

Wishing you all the best with things and a big  

Tracey


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## JazzaJazJaz (Sep 12, 2010)

Hey guys,

Slightly OT, but this morning I heard of my Nana May's death. I think myself realy silly and babyish for me to cry for her as she was the grand old age of 93 and was quite ill. Really shocked me and I had to take the rest of the day off work. However, I can be grateful that she died peacefully in her sleep, and she didn't feel any pain. My best memory of her was when I was little and she would sit with me and play Mummies and Daddies. She'd often tell me how I'd make a great Mummy one day. I hope, for her and her memory, that I can be. 
R.I.P Nana May 1917-2010

Always in our hearts. xxxx
Jasmine and Tony xx


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## Catherine C (Sep 9, 2010)

Hi Jaz,
You are definately not alone in how you feel!! 
My DH and I have been trying for 6 yrs and in the last 3 and a half years, my sister has had two boys, a cousin has had a boy and is now 4 months pregnant and my other cousin gave birth to a boy on 1st Sept! I feel this is just so unfair and cruel as DH and i face our 4th IVF cycle!! Like you, i am so happy for them, but any family get togethers are like forms of torture! I am glad other people feel the same. Do you find it takes every bit of energy in you to just get through it without crying! 
Stay as strong as you are able xx (DH and i have decided to not participate in any family gatherings during our fourth cycle, hopefully it will help with a BFP!!)


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