# Am i selfish or just plain nuts



## Ginger fairy 27 (Jul 26, 2015)

Hey all i have a question if i may... Well its more of a vent really.  So November 2011 i had icsi and. We were so lucky it was sucesful 3years ago i had my miracle boy... Well heres for the tmi bit my hubby and i have recently started resuming our sex life and its breaking my heart each month im that mental i imagine nausea even babyflutters before iv missed my period. Ihonestly thought after having my boy these feelings would go...now i have added guilt my boy will somehow suffer being an only child and grow up resenting me as well asguilt for desperatly wanting another i was lucky once surely i should be happy and be content with the miracle iv been blessed with... Well late night rants from a confused and sad ginger.


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## Ness74 (Nov 24, 2008)

Hi Ginger fairy, 
I feel for you as I was in the exact same position when my hubby & I resumed our sex life after my son was born in Nov 2011 even though I knew I wouldn't be able to conceive naturally due to only having one blocked fallopian tube!. Every month I convinced myself of a miracle conception! - crazy I know. I became consumed with the idea of having a sibling for my miracle son and it became a huge strain on my relationship and I didn't want to be intimate with my hubby as a result. My hubby was happy with just having our son but I wasn't and he struggled to understand how I was feeling - we decided to go to relate for couples counselling and started to rebuild our 16 year relationship which was  tough going. In the end we came out of this stronger people and both agreed to give ivf another go and fortunately after a miscarriage and 3 rounds of ivf I'm now 18 weeks pregnant.  I hope you're able to move on from this and decide between you and your hubby how to move on. xxx


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## Ginger fairy 27 (Jul 26, 2015)

Oh ness thanks for that massive cobgratulations to you. Its kind of nice to know  its not just me thats going nuts my hubby sounds like yours he often asks me why cant i be happy with the blessing that we have. I honestly thought i would be and it has come completely out of the blue and its probably wrong to say it but im not i want more!!! There ive said it not out loud as on face value im fine blessed with 1it doesnt bother me in the slightest.  You know how it is a quiet cry in the loo every month, semi fake smiles when half your family and friends announce their baby news, insensitive friends and family asking isnt it time he had a brother or sister. Jeez im a grump tonight relate sounds like a good idea in all seriousness it may stop sone of the bickering wev been having of late. Good luck with your little one hun i hope all goes well. Xx


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## abcd01 (Apr 11, 2015)

Hi ginger fairy
I also had my daughter in 2011 and feel exactly the same as you.i also thought i would be content with just her but want another baby so much.  I also feel so guilty about her being an only child and would love to give her a brother or sister.
I am considering having further treatment but also being realistic about the chances of it working.
Its so hard you think all these feelings go away after you have a baby.


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## Ness74 (Nov 24, 2008)

Hi ginger fairy & abcd01, so sorry you are both going through this, it's heart breaking. I couldn't believe how strongly I felt about wanting to have another baby after my son either and seriously thought I'd be satisfied after having him but it's like you say a lot of the desire for another child is so your first born can have a sibling. All the tears after everyone in my NCT group had their 2nd children and my sister had 2 more babies during this time - it was so hard and I felt such despair again.  It was really important for my hubby and I to see someone independent and professional from Relate so we could start working together again and find a way to move on. My hubby is very head strong and just couldn't understand my reasons and just thought we should be grateful for our son which if course I am but it doesn't take away the desire for another one.... The lady we saw from Relate had seen lots of couples that had under gone IVF and was a brilliant mediator.  We knew that having another just one more go at ivf wasn't going to give us enough of a chance of it working again so agreed to do three and then call it a day knowing that we had both given it our best shot which was really important for closure on my part and I had come to terms with it not working as treatment is such a big undertaking emotionally and financially and we didn't want this to have an impact on our son. Big hugs x


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