# feeling unsure re adoption



## muppett (Jan 31, 2008)

Hi just had to find somewhere to voice my fears about adopting. I am 43 Dh is 47 and have recently commenced our home study. I felt positive at the start now am getting cold feetand am worried we are doing the right thing. Its just my husband is so up for it I feel I can't burst his bubble by showing any negative vibes. I'm the one with the faulty bits and I feel the least I can do is try this path for a child for his  sake as nothing else has worked. I really am mixed up as sometimes I feel its going to be ok and i am excited too then I get afraid and bottle it. How do you know when you're doing the right thing? Does it always feel as if its the right thing you're doing ? Are serious doubts normal? I'm dreading the social workers next visit as I feel she will see through me and it will all be over. Treatment stopped for us 8 years ago so I should know what i want but I don't! What a mess. Any suggestions would be appreciated. cheers.


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## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

Just wanted to send some hugs and say that if you are worried the SW will "see right through you" then that is probably a positive thing in that you wouldn't want it to be over.

Do try and have a serious chat to DH about how you are feeling. If adoption isn't the right thing for you then you and DH and ultimately the child  will suffer if you get that far in.

Serious worries about doing the right thing are normal I had them. But if you really have to stop then you will know and you will really have to stop.

All the best of luck whatever you decide! 

Hope my waffle has made some sense - just really wanted to lend support.

xx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Muppet

I suppose its completely understandable how you are feeling as you are stepping into unknown territory with this, and it must be daunting for you! From what I've heard about adoption it can be a scary process to go through. 

I wish you the very best for the future.

Emcee x


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## muppett (Jan 31, 2008)

Many thanks for the sound advice. I realise we have to be honest with each other but nobody wants to be the one to call it a day if this is what is necessary. I have talked it over and we have agreed to keep on going and  see how we feel. the thought of regretting we didn't have the courage to try this path is more painful than any doubts i have at the minute. i realise I must be sure before any child may be put in our care but its still only the 2nd visit this week of the home study so plenty more time ahead to be sure this is for us.thanks for telling me straight how you felt as this has been most helpful, all the best to all.


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Muppet

For what its worth I really admire you for forging ahead with this... after everything that you have already been through to come this far and not know for certain what lies ahead - it must be a scary place to be in.

We're always here to lend our support to you, and I'm sure the folks over on the fostering and adoption forum can give you their pearls of wisdom too whilst you explore adoption.

Go gently - thinking of you.

Love
Emcee x


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## muppett (Jan 31, 2008)

thanks emcee will look up those pages you suggested.Sorry haven't got into using icons to post smiley faces and stuff but will work on it! appreciate the suppport.


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Muppet,

Emcee is so right to suggest you visit the adoption and fostering board as they are going throught it.

However, I wanted to say that I have a great friend who is going through the adoption process (panel coming up next month) and it seems to me that she and her DH have got it all into perspective. There have been times that one or the other of them have had doubts but they have talked a lot throughout the process. This meant that they had to start by being sure that they wanted to stay together come what may. Then they had to decide whether being together left room for an adopted family. All their honest talking about hopes and fears means they are in a position where they can deal with the adoption process together and support one another when it gets tough. They nearly gave up more than once when it got very challenging, but decided that although they were happy enough without a child, there might be a child out there relying on them to see the process through. I would think that any adoption social worker would be reassured to know that 2 adoptive parents can support one another like this as it bodes well for parenthood?  I think they will be OK as a couple whatever happens with the panel. 

I guess what I am trying to say is keep talking with DH. 

The adoption and fostering board will enable you to meet people who know more about this.

Good luck, whatever you do next

Lol, Jq xxx


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## muppett (Jan 31, 2008)

jq you talk a lot of sense!
I am sure we are solid as a couple and like your friends will be ok if we never get to be parents, but we have a lot to give and want to give this our best shot. As the interviews continue with social services I am starting to relax a bit and go with the flow. Its just having been disappointed so many times its instinct to want to avoid being hurt again.If this process of adoption fails it will be very hard to take but I must keep positive and look at what could go right also and that gives me a  great lift. Your a star ! Thanks for giving me your time, and hope your doing ok yourself. All the best M


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