# How important is having the same donor for siblings?



## GlobalTraveller (Oct 17, 2006)

Hi everyone, I have a question that I hope you can help me with.  I donated a couple of years ago and after the first batch of sperm ran out the clinic asked me to come back as one of the recipients had requested some more for a sibling.  Unfortunately the second batch did not freeze well (there was enough for that one person at least) and I have been back a third time.  There have only been eight pregnancies with two sets of twins so although there have been ten babies born I am still under the limit. 

Does having the same donor matter?  I'm not keen to go back for a fourth round, even though I do feel a sense of obligation to the people who chose me, due to the travel and costs involved.

The reason I am asking here is that the clinic is not very responsive.

Thanks in advance,

GT.


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

This is question very close to my heart.  Firstly, thank you for doing what you have done, without someone like you, I and so many others would not have a chance, and I definitely would not have my 2 amazing boys 

The question of having the same donor is, I think, a very personal one.  From reading the boards, sometimes people aren't so concerned, and sometimes they are.  Families these days are made up from so many different combinations, and we all need to do what we are most comfortable with.  

For me, it was and still is incredibly important, and is the main reason my husband and I won't be ttc no. 3 (which we would dearly love to do).  The recent changes to UK law has meant that the donor who gave us our boys is now no longer available   

You have already done an amazing thing, and you also need to be comfortable with any decisions you make.  You aren't obligated, but it could be that going out of your way could give a chance of making a very special dream come true for someone.  There's no real right or wrong here though and the choic must be yours.  

Just my thoughts  

Kind regards. 

Jayne x


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## viviennef (Feb 22, 2005)

Hi there, 

First of all, I just want to echo what Jayne said and thank you for making such a difference to people. Without donors like you my partner and I wouldn't have the two lovely boys we have been blessed with. 

We have the same donor for our boys and although it wasn't the be all and end all, I was really glad we had the same donor as it's going to be hard enough to explain all this to them when the time comes and it meant a lot that they are fully related. Plus our donor was anonymous and I think it may have caused problems if one of them could find out about their donor but not the other. 

If it's at all possible for you, then it would probably mean a lot to that family if you donate.

Best wishes, Viv xxx


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

I was thinking a bit more about this earlier, and I'm sure the reason I was, and still would be, so keen to have the same donor was because my husband and I were (are) still together, and if we'd been conceiving naturally together, then our children would've been full siblings.  

Jayne x


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## olivia m (Jun 24, 2004)

Just like to add my thanks as well.  It is so fantastic that guys like you have come forward to donate and we are all hugely grateful.
My two children are by different donors and it really hasn't made an iota of difference in our family.  I have a son conceived without assistance in my first marriage as well (so 3 children all by different men!) but they all behave like any other siblings.  In fact, having different donors can be helpful, if one is interested in more information and the other isn't.  Our daughter would love to know something about her donor (she was conceived in 1986) but our son could not be less interested.  If our daughter were to hear of a half-sibling or even a donor connection through UK DonorLink then this wouldn't affect our son at all.  So, swings and roundabouts.  It feels very important to some parents and not to others.  Our experience in DC Network is that it makes no difference to the children at all.
Thanks again for all you have done.
Olivia


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## sweetcaroline (Aug 20, 2004)

I would also like to say a big thank you for being a donor.    

When I was pregnant with Sebastian I asked if it would be possible to have more sperm from the same donor set aside, just in case we wanted to try for a sibling.  I was told it wasn't possible, that there wasn't any sperm left and that if I hadn't been lucky enough to conceive first time we would have had to switch donor.  For us, that made us decide not to try for another as it would be important for a future child to be a full sibling to Seb (not least because we really feel we hit the jackpot with him and, whilst I had a lot of fears about using donor sperm, those fears would be gone as our donor was obviously perfect in every way! I'm sure most of us feel this way!).

However, if we desperately wanted another child we probably would, albeit with regrets that we couldn't have the same donor.  If we had known from the outset that we wanted more children we would have asked the questions before I became pregnant.  In our case we felt that if we were lucky enough to have one baby we would count our blessings - which I certainly do every day - especially as I already have a daughter.  I think that the families you have donated to would be absolutely thrilled to bits if they could have full siblings, and not being able to might change their decisions.  However, I also think that you have done so much already - how amazing that you have brought joy to so many people - so you shouldn't feel guilty if you decide not to continue.

Thanks again for being great, whatever you decide.
Caroline xxx


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## GlobalTraveller (Oct 17, 2006)

Thanks for the feedback, I don't really know anything about the recipients so it's hard for me to gauge what might be important to them.  Jayne have you thought of asking the clinic to contact your anonymous donor?  You can convert from anonymous to known donor and it might be that he would be happy to do it.  The reason I returned for a second round of donating was because the clinic mentioned that one of the recipients would like siblings.  Apart from that I would have been happy to give it a miss.

Regards,
GT.


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