# The name.......



## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

Hi All 

Thank you to everyone for your sweet words of encouragement on my other post regarding my concerns about a potential match we have 

The other issue I have is with the name *sigh

I really don't like it, now I know that it is important to keep it as it's part of the child's identity, but I wondered of those of you that have adopted did any of you also not like the name and end up using a nickname?

Or is it a case of having to go to bed each night chanting 'I do like the name, I will grow to love it...' *giggles

Sorry if I sound down about all this - it's such a huge thing that is going on and I am just going over a million and one things in my head!

T x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Morning T

Just want to show my support. When we received DD's details, my biggest barrier was her name. I was embarressed by it, and desperately wanted to change it.
However, in reading the form over and over, I could see the little person behind the name, and fell in love with the person. The name, we agreed to keep, and we chose a middle name. I was reluctant to tell anyone her name on first meeting. It sounds terrible, I know. And yet the majority of people would say how nice, or unusual it was, which made me feel much easier.
We did give her a nick name, and now she mainly answers to anything! Now though, 3 years on, I am the first one to correct someone who pronounces her name incorrectly, and I am very proud of it. It took time for me to warm to the name, but I realised that the little person inside the name who I fell in love with, is the name. That is who she is. And now I am a proud mum in every sense, and I'm happy to tell anyone what her name is.


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## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

Hi Ever

Thank you for such a lovely post - the ironic thing is my husband LOVES the name, but when we were ttc it was a name that we did discuss and I just absolutely blew it out of the water as I really don't like it!

But I keep trying to convince myself that there are far worse than what she is called!

T x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Oh the old name issue!!

Well for us it was made really easy.............DS was nearly 4 and suited his name, it wasn't one I wouldn't have thought to choose but its a nice name, suits him and goes really well with our surname.

With DD, she was 9 months old & our SW asked us if we liked her birth name...........it was a name that I could live with but again one that I wouldn't have chosen.  I was honest with her and told her this, she then surprised me and said so what name are you going to call her?  I asked her if she was allowing us to change the name & I have to say this is nearly 6½ years ago But she said YES.

We agreed to keeping DD birth name as her middle name & all who were involved in DD's case agreed that it was alovely name and although the BPS were not to keen at first, gave us their blessing which meant a lot to us.  DD quite often says she is glad we chose her a new name as she doesn't like her middle name much! 

YES their birth name is part of their identity and some thing in some ways that they've only got left from their BP's BUT at the end of the day it is you who will be bringing up this baby & you have to do what is right for you & the baby.

Am I right in thinking she is quiet a young baby?

Discuss the options with your SW.

The only other suggestion that  I have which most people do is give her a new middle name & call her by her middle name.

So for instance her name is Nancy, give her a new middle name EG Eve, her name would be Nancy Eve but you would call her by the name Eve, does that make sense?

Every one has an opinion on name changes, every one is different, we all have our own reasons why & if we all agreed to the same things the world would be a very boring place, maybe safer but boring!!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

Hi Andrea

Yes she is only young - she is 5months.

She does have a middle name already but the middle name is her birth mother's.....so not going there!

I wonder if it is an option to change it - I will broach the subject with our SW...wish me luck!

T x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi T

Have sent you a PM

Love
Andrea
xx


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## sundog (Jun 21, 2007)

This is such a difficult area isn't it? We fell in love with everything we were told about our little boy, but didn't find out his name right in the beginning. I kept asking and was really excited to find out. BUT, when we were told I reacted without thinking and just said "oh." It was really disappointing - for some reason I had it in my head that I would love his name as much as I loved everything else about him, but sadly this was far from the case. It is the name of someone DH and I once knew and although he was a nice enough chap, he was the butt of jokes quite often and in my mind this is all I could associate with the name.

It seems silly, but it does matter, even though you know it shouldn't. Still, the first thing we did after finding out was try to come up with a nickname that we could use instead and trust me, with this name it wasn't easy. DH eventually thought of one which I instantly loved (although he is not sure  ) but at the time it was enough to make me feel a lot better.

I have to admit, for a while, telling people his name felt embarrassing, like a dirty secret - just like you Ever! Now though, more than 3 months on, he IS his name if that makes sense. I can't really imagine calling him anything else, and even if we were told we could choose a new name for him, we really wouldn't. We haven't felt the need to use his nickname, but it is there for the future if we ever want to use it.

Most of the time he gets called 'poppet', 'pickle', 'cheeky chops', 'little monkey' or any other daft soppy thing we come up with! 

At the end of the day, do NOT let the child's name influence your decision in any way. Over time, the importance fades away and gets replaced with an overwhelming love for the new little individual that is the absolute centre of your world. If you really can't live with it there are always ways round it. In the meantime if it helps, you can always attach an affectionate pet name (cutie, angel etc.) to your picture of her in your mind.

sundog
x


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## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

Little Bear's name wasn't one we would choose neither does it go with our surname (same initial) but by the time we met him he was 17 months and he fitted his name and knew his name. We just fell in love with the little lad and all the time we were waiting to meet him his name grew on me! Thank goodness. We call him 'monster' 'sweetie' 'monkey' 'bubba' etc etc anyway now!

xx


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## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

Yes I am sure it is a name I could eventually grow to like but if there is anyway that I can get out of using it I will...the name itself isn't horrific but it is one that ironically we discussed while ttc naturally and I completely hated!!

Oh well I will cross that bridge if and when it comes to it!


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Milktray,
Just sending my support really this can be so hard. We were lucky and were ok with the name initailly but now absolutely love it and couldn't call her anything else. Speak to your SW in our case a change would have been a massive no no to the extent they wouldn't assess another couple a second time because they changed their first childs name! Maybe there is a compromise though.
Love JD x


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi MT

I know what you mean about names linking to people you know, i know we looked at some little ones in CWW and i was put off by one name! 

Names do worry me slightly however My DH goes by his middle name and i am happy to do this if need be or shorten name down (i dont like my first name so it gets shorterned down)

keep us updated 

xxx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

I didn't much like my ds name and would never have chosen it  but I didn't totally hate it (if that makes sense) but it's his name and i am used to it now 

pam xx


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