# First round of IVF and really scared^



## jarrodamanda (May 19, 2007)

Please someone help me.

Oh my god, how scarey is all this.

We are first timers also and I feel petrified! 
I spent most of my young adult yrs trying not to get pregnant, and did not dream that we would ever have trouble. I had endometriosis to which I had treatment for (reversal menopause). My tubes were checked on diagnosis and were patent. However, some time from 2001 to now 2007, they have blocked and damaged. I have had all GU tests done and they are all clear, so it can only be the endometriosis. Gutted!! My right is totally blocked and my left is not so patent and has a kink in it and a 4cm cyst on that ovary. They said my uterus looked good and my ovaries too.

I feel so frustrated that we have to go through all of this and am so scared and nervous. I am trying to prepare myself for the highs and lows that this process brings, but am finding it SO hard. I could cry every time I think of what we are going to have to go through and the thought that it may not work at the end of it all. I have watched friends and family become pregnant and have babies and cry everytime I hear of a new pregnancy amongst them. That makes me feel guilty as I should be happy for them, but I feel sadness for us for not achieving our goal.

My husband is very supportive and says that he does not mind if we don't have children (even though he talked me into first trying), but I know it would upset him too, but he is trying to be strong for me. I have even thought that maybe I have been bad in someway and this is gods way of punishing me (i don't go to church, but this has crossed my mind).

I cant imagine life without children and am finding this so so SO hard. I work with children and babies and am so broody. I know we have a lot to offer a child and would love them so much. My husband does not think there must be a god is we cant conceive and there is so much evil in the world with some that do not deserve them through abuse and neglect. How can nature be so cruel??

Sorry for rambling and sounding like a neurotic nutter, but I do not have any close friends to chat to about this as none of them have had any problems like this. I know I can talk to my husband as he is my bestest friend, but I try not to download too much as he is going through this also. We are there for each other and it has made us closer, but as IVF is getting closer, I am feeling more and more anxious and would appreciate more help.

Please help me!!

Amanda


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Hi *Amanda * sweetheart

Firstly, a huge hug for you hunnie  you sound so distressed 

I have split youru post from Saz5's thread so that you can get your own responses sweetheart.

On first being diagnosed with infertility, the shock is hard to deal with hun, and believe me I know exactly how you are feeling right now. It is devastating, and the thought of the journey ahead is frightening and daunting to say the least. I am like you, in that I cannot imagine living my life without children - there are lots of options available though hunnie, you just need to take things one step at a time. It sounds like you have a lovely, supportive husband which is great - sometimes it is easy to put infertility first in a relationship and lose sight of the special love you share. My advice would be to always talk to each other, no matter how hard it may be - as long as you are both open and honest with each other, I am sure you will get through this journey together 

It may seem at times that the world is conspiring against you hun, just don't ever lose hope!!   

Here are a couple of links for you to take a look at - feel free to make a post anywhere you like on the site Amanda, you will be made very welcome, and will be supported and offered good advice by our lovely members.

For Endometriosis *CLICK HERE**

For IVF General Chitchat CLICK HERE

For Hydrosalpinx (blocked tubes) CLICK HERE

We also have a fantastic chatroom - it is often good to talk to people who really understand you  Every Friday night is NEWBIE NIGHT in the chatroom, and Dizzi Squirrel, Kate and I will be in there from 8pm to 9pm to show new members the ropes and answer any questions. I hope you can join us. Don't worry if you can't make it - if you want some help just send Dizzi Squirrel  or myself a personal message and we can arrange a short one2one session with you.



You take care of yourself Amanda, and anytime you need us, there will always be someone here to help you
Love, luck and 
Tracy
x*


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## jarrodamanda (May 19, 2007)

Thanks for your support and good luck for your preg test. I will keep my finger crossed!!

Ax


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## noodlez (Feb 10, 2007)

Hi Amanda and welcome hunny.
This rollercoaster ride of IVF is really scary hun but the one thing that gets you through it is knowing that you may have that special end result. As a fellow staff nurse (paeds) I work with children and babies who have had birth trauma and  as a result have special needs. I totally know what you mean about it. It is so scary. I'm currently on my 2ww and I test on 1st June so very nervous and scared at the mo   I've just had ICSI, my 1st go.
You will receive so much support and friendly advice from this site hun. Everyone is really welcoming.
Someone will always answer you're questions. 
Wishing you lots of luck with forthcoming tx hun
Love Noodlez.xx


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## Sarah Leucine (Jan 31, 2007)

Hi Amanda,

I've just had all the treatment for my 2nd IVF attempt and now have to wait two weeks for the result.  It is a horrible feeling when you are struggling to have children as it is always with you. I think I feel like a different person to how I was before I knew about the complications.  It really tests you.  There is no fast answer, but as this website and lots of doctors will tell you - IVF works!  You have to be really strong.  I believe that it will work. It's just a question of when.  My husband is also really supportive and that is a huge help. Don't be scared of the treatment - it's not that bad and it can actually be quite exciting because once it starts you know you have a real chance of conceiving.  If you have any questions that are worrying you then just ask!

Sarah


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## jarrodamanda (May 19, 2007)

Thanks noodlez and Sarah,

Thanks for your kind words.

I have just rung the IVF clinic as the results should have been faxed through to them today from the wash and swim. I very naively presumed that they would tell us whether everything was OK over the phone, but due to hospital policy (which i should understand) they cant and we have to wait 2 weeks for the app. I just broke down in tears when I put the phone down. It just feels so scary.

Amanda x


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## maria684 (May 12, 2006)

Hi Amanda

Firstly sending you a big   all that your feeling is so natural and so many of feel/felt the same.
What clinic are you at? as there will be a thread and you can chat to other girls at the same stage as you this may help.

take care and good luck
love Maria xx


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## jarrodamanda (May 19, 2007)

Hi Marie,

Thankyou for the   .

I am at Leeds, but not got a date to start yet as waiting for the appointment to get the results from the wash and swim etc. 

It's just all so overwhelming!!

Ax


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## Scooby Doo (May 24, 2006)

Hi amanda

Just wanted to say Hi & welcome to FF.   Everything you are feeling is completely normal, it is incredibly hard to find out that things arnt quite as they should be, but you sound as it you have a very strong relationship with your other half, which can make all the difference.  

I remenber being terrified at the thought of treatment  , but its really not that bad, i started my first round of IVF a few weeks ago and started stimming today, and its not half as bad as i thought it would be.  me and my DH are certainly a far stronger couple now than when we began this journey 

It does seem very overwhelming and scary when you first start out, but you can come & chat to people on here as often as you  like and someone will always be there to reassure you, who knows what your going through.



S
xx


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## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

Hi Amanda,

Welcome to FF. It sounds like you and your DH have a lovely relationship and that is going to help you loads when it comes to coping with it all.

Just wanted to say please don't feel alone...FF can be really, really helpful for those anxious moments when you really need to talk to someone about the whole business. I have always found everyone on here very supportive.

Wishing you lots of luck and    for getting through your treatment in one piece - and for a BFP at the end.

Juniper
x


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## MAL. (Mar 19, 2007)

Hi Amanda,

Sending lots of  . I just wanted to say that we are also waiting for an appointment for IVF at Leeds. I am very scared and excited at the same time, I am glad to hear that you have a supportive hubby, wish you lots of luck and


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## jarrodamanda (May 19, 2007)

Thanks Twinks!

Let me know all about your treatment and how you go and I will let you know how we get on. We are just waiting now for our appointment for the results of the wash and swim to see if we need IVF or ICSI, however, my husbands sperm analysis was ok from the GP, so hopefully the cheaper version of IVF.  Are you paying for the treatment?? We were told that it was a 2009-2010 waiting list for the NHS free go, but if we paid it would be this yr. It is going to cost us 3100 for IVF as I am 29yrs old and would need the smaller drug dosages. 

I have had a down day today as I was hoping that they would be able to give me the results over the phone and as they couldn't due to hospital policy, I feel like it is just wait after wait. It brings it home that I cant do it naturally when we have to wait for everything.  We need to keep our chins up though and support each other as much as we can as we all know the loss we feel everytime that period arrives.

Keep me posted,

Amanda X


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## MAL. (Mar 19, 2007)

Hiya Amanda,

I love the picture of your cats! At the mo we are still waiting for an appointment to start IVF/ICSI and like you said the waiting is the most annoying thing, especially as I am a really inpatient person  . We are not paying for treatment, we are entitled to 3 goes on the NHS and the waiting time is approx 3-6 months, we are very lucky to be entitled to 3 goes but it also makes me feel guilty at the same time  .

I am sorry to hear that you are having a down day, I have also had a few down days because a friend of ours has just had a baby and we visited her yesterday and she is beautiful, but a horrible little part of me is so jealous, the new mother-to-be also made a few commets but she does not know we are trying for a baby so I don't feel mad at her but it just plays on my mind. Anyway sorry to go on...........how long are you going to have to wait for the results?  I wish you lots of luck.......keep me up to date, and let me know if the Doctors and Nurses at Leeds are nice, so far they have been lovely the only negative is trying to find a parking space!

TC
XX


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi Amanda and welcome to the site 

Sorry to hear of your problems with trying for a baby but you have come to a fantastic site full of advice and support and you have been left some great links to try out.

Good luck with everything.

Kate xx​


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## jarrodamanda (May 19, 2007)

OH MY GOD!!! 

My husband went for his semen analysis last Friday and we have just received a letter from Leeds to go for another What is all that about? We were supposed to be waiting for our appointment to find out the results. I have rung Leeds (David, very nice man) who said that Bradford had requested another appointment. What is going on?? I rang this week for the results and they said that they could not give me them over the phone to due to hospital policy, but have not rung us or told us why we may need another. Why are they doing this to us

We are paying for treatment so it is supposed to be quicker, but this is awful not knowing. I have tried to ring Bfd, but it is their answer phone. I just feel totally in the dark and alone. 

Waiting for Bradford to ring us back and tell us why we have another appointment for another semen analysis. It may be a mistake, or it could due to a problem, but we want to know why!!  

This is awful not knowing!!! Should they not have told us about this in advance to ease the stress

Some one please send some      as I feel like I am going to explode!!!

Amanda


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## jarrodamanda (May 19, 2007)

Well..........

My fertility Nurse rang me back after what seemed like an eternity.

My Husbands count was boarder line so he needs another sample checking to see if we need IVF or ICSI. I hope IVF as we are paying for the treatment. It was sad to hear, but at least we know why he needs another test now. God this is awful not knowing and waiting for everything.

We have our app with consultant 5th July so will keep you posted.

Amanda XX


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## jarrodamanda (May 19, 2007)

Well, I forgot to update from our last appointment. My DH's sperm is fine. Is was boarderline as he had not abstained for longer than 2 days. Naughty boy!!

XX


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## MAL. (Mar 19, 2007)

Hiya,

Oh I am really glad about the results, where are you having treatment? Is it at Leeds? Have you started tx?

Good Luck sweetie   

Take care
xxx


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## jarrodamanda (May 19, 2007)

Thankyou so much,

Yes it is leeds. We go for our / my FSH levels checking on my next period which will be next wednesday if we have not hit the jack pot. My understaning is that we will then go for an app to have hep and HIV tested and a scan 3 weeks later, then start drugs 2 weeks after that. All very scary and because it is our first go, we are not knowing what to expect. I have joined the cycle buddies for sept/oct. I hope that will help.

Anyway, wishing you lots and lots of      and  

LOL

Ax


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## MAL. (Mar 19, 2007)

You must be getting really excited! I have everything crossed for you, we have just started IVF we are at Leeds tomorrow for a scan. Are you going to be on the lp or the sp? It is a bit scary, I am on the Aug/Sept cycle buddies and they are a fantastic bunch of ladies and I don't know what I would do without them, it is great to have people that are going through the same thing.

Well I hope AF arrives on time so you can get started.

Take care

WTBAM
XXXXXXXXXXX


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