# Worry about a young baby - not mine



## TwiceBlessed (Nov 8, 2006)

Hi

I went to my baby club today and there was a lady there who also came last week. I didnt get to see her then but one of the other ladies mentioned that her baby had gone from 7lb to 3lb and is now 6w. She seems to be putting some weight on now but all of us are pretty concerned about some of the things that happened today.

She was saying how much her baby loved the milk but when feeding her the bottle was at a bad angle so that she was only getting a little every minute or so, taking mostly air. She was struggling to get any milk at all and the mother wasnt concentrating to see if any was going in...She said that she had drunk "loads" and we noticed only an ounze had been taken before she stopped feeding her. Also she was getting her (at 6w) to do lots of things - _making _ her roll, leaving on the tummy and not looking at her or assessing that she was distressed, pulling her into position using her legs etc. Also lots of things she was saying scared us as she was comparing her baby to others in the group about 4m or so older than her.

Without meaning to sound I dunno a bit unfair, or interferring I think tbh she has a few mental health issues and needs a lot of support.

The baby looked purple and very blotchy like she was cold and her eyes looked very strange and stary.

I dunno, I mean I see lots of babies of that age who just dont look like this. She just doesnt seem to look right.

She said that the hv has "suggested" giving her some formula "as _ dont have any milk but  am determined to breast feed so am only giving a couple of feeds with formula" She said the baby had a tummy bug and that is why she was crying so much but hadnt burped her...when she burped basically independently the crying stopped. The crying itself was actually very plaintive.

I just wanted to know basically if this baby would be being monitored closely as a matter of course and therefore things like this presumably picked up if there is in fact a problem. Maybe I am over-cautious but lots of the ladies at the group have expressed extreme concern about this little one. Is there anything we can do? Someone mentioned the bottle angle today and the mother just said "thanks thanks" and put the bottle down and stopped feeding her.....

Presumably if this weight loss is accurate then she would be under some kind of paediatric care....?_


----------



## jeanette (May 3, 2003)

Hiya

I would hope that with that alleged amount of weight loss then the baby would be under the care of the hospital.

You could express your concerns to whoever runs the baby club as hopefully they will have some information about the mum and baby.

The mum maybe in need of support...maybe you could try and help and advise her at the baby group.

The only other way would be if you found out the mums GP or HV is and contacted the surgery anonymously. But maybe you could 'befriend' her..see if she has any support at home. Homestart or Surestart would be ideal for her. They can build upon her parenting skills etc.

Its a very difficult situation that you find yourselfs in. I would hope that mum is getting the help and support she needs.

Let me know how things progress.

Jeanettex

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/whatwedo/aboutthenspcc/Contactus/Contactus_wda33279.html

*POST CONTAINS UNCONFIRMED EXTERNAL LINKS; FERTILITY FRIENDS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ITS CONTENT*


----------



## TwiceBlessed (Nov 8, 2006)

Thanks Jeanette

Seeing as K was referred to the paediatrician after going from 7lb10 to 7lb4 I would have thought they would have majorly picked up on this little one if, as you say, what we are hearing is correct. And I am sure at that appt they would have picked up things we have just in a matter of minutes talking to the mum.....

Sadly although the baby group is NCT based noone is basically "running it" as such in that we take it in turns to open up and take the money box home.  Once in a blue moon someone collects the money.  We have tried to talk to her but she seems reluctant to engage that much except when "showing" us how great everything is.  I wasnt going to go tomorrow but might do just so I can see what is happening and if I can try and get her to talk candidly or something.  I dunno.  We dont even "do" surnames at the club as such but there is an NCT woman running another group this week and I may see if one of the other ladies can talk to her about it and see what they suggest.  Even getting someone along to one of the Monday groups as a "guest speaker" maybe would be a good idea?

Thanks again.

Here's hoping that if and when I see her next we all can see an improvement anyway.


----------



## TwiceBlessed (Nov 8, 2006)

Hi again

I just thought I would update you.

The baby in question is now 7w old and is putting on weight. 

I wasnt going to go to baby club today but decided that I would spend the week wondering....and was concerned based on what I had seen last week.

So I went and baby X was there with her mum.  I decided again to try and befriend her and see if I could offer any support as well as gaining info on what was what.  The baby looked a much better colour today and was a bit brighter.  I spoke to the mum about how k had lost weight in the beginning...I happened to have my red book with me having taken K to the GP today so showed her the growth chart and where she had dipped and picked up weight. I also was telling her about K's milk intake and my problems (ok my inability to succeed) with breastfeeding.  she was asking about putting her little one on to progress milk and that her hv had said to hold off until they said to change. I was in a strong position when I told her that my own gp has advised I go back to SMA gold from progress as K was having problems probably because of the progress even at her age. We discussed milk intake and it seems baby x's has picked up a lot. Mum X was listening because I wasnt telling her what to do with her baby, more the problems I had had with mine and how we have overcome them.  Also, baby x was on the floor and I put a soft book in front of her and mum x was amazed to see how much she was stimulated by it and we discussed her actually putting the baby in her gym and/or a bouncer and also sleeping arrangements etc.  She is going out to get the baby some books this week and put her in the gym!  It was lovely to have her ask me questions and although I really am not very knowedgeable on these things myself - as many on here will testify- I felt that this softly softly approach worked much better.  Maybe last week she felt people were telling her what to do? She opened up and told me how she had been under home hv care up until this week (not usual round here where you only see the hv once at home) and has now been given an appt to go in in about 10 days for a recheck...but the hv is (in mum x's) words "much happier".  She even said how hard she was finding things and that talking helped today. 

I wouldnt say that I felt 100% comfortable with things but they really are going in the right direction and I am also happy that she has some professional support still out there.  Also whereas she was so very defensive last time I now feel like she is happier to talk candidly.

Thanks again for your advice.


----------



## jeanette (May 3, 2003)

Hiya hun

Well done. You have handled this situation carefully and sensitively. Thats brilliant.

Hopefully, she will continue to speak to you as she obviously felt very comfortable talking to you.

Remember, don't take too much on..she has health professional involved....encourage her to see her HV whenever you feel uncomfortable or if this mum is in need of 'help'.

Mention SureStart and Homestart to her. Are there any children centres near to here?

Also, mention that a lot of library's run reading sessions for babies, plus they often have 'toy library's' whereby parents can borrow toys.

Keep me informed hun

Jxxxx


----------

