# New here with questions!



## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

Hi everyone,

I'm so glad I found this forum which seems to be both supportive and informative!! It was harder to find than I thought it would be. We are a newlywed lesbian couple looking to start a family with donor sperm and feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the information on the webs and forums because for is even all the abbreviations are new. We've just been told by our GP that there is no funding in our area (Chester) to help us so it looks like private is the way forward. So, to start can I ask :-

1. How much does it realistically cost for IUI? From friends and google searches it looks like around £1000+ for the first time and the success rate is around 12%? I'm not sure if this changes depending on lifestyle factors / age etc? 

2. What is your experience of using a clinic as a first timer? It's hard to know what to expect. We would be looking for the clinic to match us to a donor.

3. Have most of you chosen to go for IUI over IVF? I understand IVF has a higher success rate but is more expensive and more invasive? I am 33 and I've heard most people over 40 go for IVF for the highest chance.

4. Also (out of interest) have all of you had to fund this yourselves or has anyone managed to secure NHS funding?

5. Finally, if anyone can point us in the direction of a good clinic or support group in the Chester, Manchester or Liverpool areas that would be amazing! We don't have any friends who have been through this.

Thank you so much! Emma and Ange x


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## Han2275 (Oct 3, 2010)

Hi Girls, welcome to the site 

I can't advise you re clinic I'm afraid as we have had all our treatment in Oxford. They have been professional, informative, and wonderfully supportive from day one. We had to pay for all our treatment and didn't actually expect anything else. It is very much a postcode lottery out there. There is a recent thread on here from a couple who fought hard and have finally got funding. Maybe you could PM them. 

I had DI treatment as managed to get pregnant with the 2nd cycle. Back then I think it cost about £700 but I believe now it is about £1100 but the majority of that if for the sperm. I have just had a natural FET with one of DP's embryos from her IVF cycle and that has only cost us £780. 

We both started out with DI. I was very lucky in getting pregnant so quickly. In hindsight (a marvelous thing!) we would've started with IVF straight away with DP as she has irregular periods and has had surgery on her cervix for abnormal cells. After 6 failed DI cycles, our clinic told us to stop wasting our money. There is an awful lot of emotional, physical and financial energy involved in IVF and I don't think anyone should go into it lightly! 

Our clinic have always told us not to get too hung up on success rate figures. Any straight couple with no fertility issues, having regular sex, only have a 24% chance of conceiving each month and on average take 6 months to get pregnant. 

It seems so long ago since we started out on this journey and sometimes I can't believe that we now have #3 on the way  . I hope you have just as much luck on your journey xx


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## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

Hi Han2275, thanks for your reply and luck and congratulations on your growing family! This is really helpful and confirms what we already thought in many ways. I think we'll be starting with DP (is that the same as IUI? I'm still learning...) before we go for IVF. Your figures certainly put things into perspective too, I guess we just have to go for it and hope for the best. I get emotional even reading about people's experiences on the forum to be honest because we want a family so much. I imagine the emotional rollercoaster is about to begin! Hope you're having a nice weekend xx


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## Han2275 (Oct 3, 2010)

I presume you mean DI  
Yes, I think that is the same, just a different name  . I know our clinic don't actually put the sperm through the cervix, it is just left at the opening. Just like having sex I guess  . It was very weird walking out of the clinic knowing I had a stranger's sperm in me  . It was even more weird this time knowing I actually had one of DP's potential babies in me  . I felt a huge responsibility to hold onto it!


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## Han2275 (Oct 3, 2010)

It is a massive rollercoaster but one that has brought us closer together and we feel like the luckiest people alive  . Have you tried posting on the regions board to find out more from people using the clinics in your area?
I would also ring the clinics about their sperm availability. We initially contacted Bath when we started but they had no sperm left but Oxford has loads


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## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

Haha I haven't a clue  oh good tips thanks! Gosh you don't imagine clinics will run out of sperm but I guess they do! Yeah I imagine that will be a very strange feeling having a stranger's sperm in me too! I can't imagine the feeling of having one of Ange's embryo's in me, that would be amazing! Unfortunately we can't do it that way for health reasons but I hope everything goes well for you. Very best wishes for your pregnancy x


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## Han2275 (Oct 3, 2010)

The laws with sperm donors is that they can only be used by 10 couples/singles but each of them can go on to have siblings. Also the sperm has to be destroyed 10 years after donation. Our donor donated in 2004 so the clock is ticking should we want to use it again  . We know that 9 other couples have used his sperm and that our boys are 2 of 12 half genetic siblings! Sometimes it all blows you away a bit  . We didn't have an issue in Oxford but some clinics will ask you if you want to buy further sperm supplies of the same donor if you plan to have more than one child. So much to think about and plan!


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## single.mummy (Mar 12, 2009)

Hi, we are in the North West and successfully had treatment (IUI) at MFS (Manchester fertility services) though I have also heard good things about CARE (that has a clinic in Manchester ). We have been very lucky and have 3 wonderful children, the first took 4 attempts, the second 2 attempts and our final 3 attempts. As I say we have been very lucky but IUI does work.
The prices you are quoting seem about right and the clinics should be able to help matching you to a donor similar to characteristics you would like (depending on availability).
In regards to support groups there is one that I know of based near the centre of Manchester that meet monthly that I could try and find you the details if you are interested.
I did consider IVF on a couple of occassions but have no experience of it. Treatment whether IUI or IVF can be really tough and can take over your life. But this board is a great support and ask for help whenever you need it. As Han says do look around they other boards as well.


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## single.mummy (Mar 12, 2009)

Oh yes, we reserved vials of donor sperm so that all future children had the same donor, though there were only a few remaining so each treatment got more and more nervewracking in case we ran out. It is definately something to consider. I think we have a couple of vials left which I would love to use but DP is adamant that we are having no more!!


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## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

Oh wow, these are things I never would have thought of thank you! and yes please if you know of a Manchester support group that would be fantastic thank you! This board has been so great already x


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## annie.moon (Sep 16, 2012)

Hi ladies,

Me and my partner are doing IVF. It is definitely more intensive and invasive than IUI, which is what friends of mine have gone for. I would have done IUI, but I have problems ovulating, so had better chances with IVF. I know couples who have got pregnant on second or third try with IUI. Some clinics offer a three-cycle package (three for the price of two!) on IUI and donor sperm, which can reduce the pressure and the cost.

My experience of going to the clinic (mine is in London) for the first time was very positive. The staff were helpful, respectful and kind. They have remained so throughout treatment and were beautifully supportive when the first cycle sadly failed. 

Good luck with your journey. Fingers crossed for you.

Annie xx


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## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

Hi Annie thanks for your reply. Good to know about the three cycle package, might well prove more economical. I'm wondering if there is a way (and I'm sorry if this is a stupid question!) to have a fertility MOT of some kind? I'm not aware I have any issues but obviously this is the first time for us. Is this something the clinic finds out when you start treatment? We have chosen to wait five months from now before trying to get pregnant because Ange graduates then from her nursing degree then and (cross fingers crossed!) we will be in a better financial position if she can get a registered nurse job. Is there something I can be doing in the meantime to discover if I have any fertility problems which might effect our treatment choices or do you just find out when you get started? Our GP was worse than useless when we asked her to be honest. Thanks!!


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## Han2275 (Oct 3, 2010)

I would see another GP because you should get more support than that. Our GP was great as the practice nurse also had a daughter who was trying to have a baby with her partner so they were all clued up on it  . My GP checked all my fertility bloods before hand (a couple of blood tests on specific days of your cycle) and the clinic offered me a HSG scan which checks your fallopian tubes aren't blocked. I didn't bother with that but DP did. We didn't have to pay for any of it. I would certainly start this process now so you can get going on the 'real stuff' as soon as you are ready  . If you are planning to do IUI then I would also just start keeping a record of your periods just to see what is your normal pattern. You could also start to use the ovulation sticks to see if your ovulate regularly. I got so tuned in to my cycle I could actually tell when I was getting my LH surge and which side I was ovulating on!


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## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

Hi Han, oh that's so useful thanks! I'm going to call the doctor back and request an appointment for these specific tests. The doc we saw has a reputation for being uncaring and disinterested frankly...I'll request another doctor! I'll definitely start taking more notice of my cycle too. Thanks so much for this xx


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## annie.moon (Sep 16, 2012)

Hi,

We were in a very similar position, waiting for my partner to finish a uni course before starting. The cost is a massive issue, isn't it?!

We went along to the clinic for an initial consultation. I had all my tests done and a scan to check that everything was healthy. Luckily it all was. We also planned when we would start trying. When you have a time in mind, you can start doing things, so it feels like you're doing something useful before you start treatment. I started tracking my periods and ovulation (using kits from the pharmacy), which was really useful, as I discovered that I wasn't ovulating. I was then able to talk to my consultant about this and plan treatment accordingly. That saved us time and money. Also, it is useful to think about diet and taking folic acid in time.

My previous GP was useless when I asked about fertility treatment. The GP I have now is amazing. Really supportive. I went to talk to her after my initial consultation at the clinic. She organised lots of tests for me so I didn't have to pay. She was of the opinion that straight couples don't have to pay to get pregnant, so why should we? If you can get a supportive GP, it makes it so much easier.

Hope this helps.

Annie xx


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## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

Hi Annie, yeah the cost really is quite a stresser to be honest. We both work hard but we just don't have the disposable cash to try this many times unfortunately. It's useful to know there are things I can be doing in the meantime to help things go smoothly. I already have a pretty healthy lifestyle but folic acid is a new one so thanks for that. Thanks for all these great tips everyone! X


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## single.mummy (Mar 12, 2009)

I would say if you want to get going in 5 months contact the clinics as at MFS you need to have an initial consultation, counselling session and bloods before you can have treatment. So it is always good to get the ball rolling so when you are ready to start you can. My computer is playing up but will try and dig out those details for you.


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## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

Thanks so much 2mommies. Why do you need to have a counselling session before you can get started? Is that pretty standard? What was that like? Cheers, Emma x


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## single.mummy (Mar 12, 2009)

Yes it is standard (well it was 5 years ago) I think, I think it is just to chat over what happens and make sure you have thought through most things. I found it fine, not judgemental. I remember them asking how we would explain to our children how they came to be, etc. But nothing we had not thought about. I found them very supportive and also if you want someone to discuss things with further down the line they are also there. Nothing to worry about though.


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## Han2275 (Oct 3, 2010)

It is essential criteria with the HFEA. It's no biggy though. We had a 5 minute chat with her over the phone from Ireland before this FET just as a tick box exercise. They're not testing your relationship or whether you are going to be good Mummies


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## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

Thanks guys, that sounds fine. I don't mind people asking us about our plans because one thing about being a gay couple is that trying for a baby is definitely planned and wanted and taken seriously. They can ask away


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## Monkey07 (Jul 8, 2012)

Hello 

My partner and I are newish as well. We started the ball rolling back in June by speaking to a different gp who was fab, very understanding and organised the following blood tests free of charge...

* Hep B (you need to ensure you have both types checked, core and something else!)
* Hep C
* HIV
* chlamydia
* antibodies against rubella 
* Day 3 FSH 

At the beginning of September, after lots of back and forth emailing we had our initial consultation with our chosen clinic where I had an internal scan and long talk with the consultant about our options. I also had my AMH bloods taken as my gp couldn't do these. 

The consultant has agreed that everything so far is as it should be and supports our decision for a natural cycle of DIUI, the only request she has is that I have a day 21 progesterone blood test to ensure I have ovulated which is happening tomorrow. If those results come back we are looking to start during my October cycle  . 

Oh we also had a telephone consultation with the counsellor which was nothing to be honest because we had done all our research and are sure this is the best way to start our family; we discussed how we would tell any future children and whether our families, friends etc support us. 

One thing I would say is start taking a pre-conception supplement now, it won't do your body harm just good  I have also chosen to see an acuppuntureist once a fortnight; my cycles originally varied between 24 and 29 days, but since starting with her have consistently been 27 days  Oh and I have also been BBT documenting every morning.

I think that is everything and I wish you lots of luck as you start your journey  xx


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## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

Hi gigglesjo! Thanks so much for your detailed reply, this is all so helpful in getting a picture of what we need to do! Excuse my ignorance but how do I get a preconception supplement? Is it just a pharmacy thing? Are they called that or is there one you can recommend? Also what is day 3 FSH and AMH bloods? Total newbie thanks!!  x


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## Monkey07 (Jul 8, 2012)

anicca79 said:


> Hi gigglesjo! Thanks so much for your detailed reply, this is all so helpful in getting a picture of what we need to do! Excuse my ignorance but how do I get a preconception supplement? Is it just a pharmacy thing? Are they called that or is there one you can recommend? Also what is day 3 FSH and AMH bloods? Total newbie thanks!!  x


Hi anicca79, no ignorance just new - my partner still stares at me blankly when I say oh I got the results for this or that haha!!

Day 3 FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) checks your ovarian reserve ie your egg supply, AMH (anti-mulleraine hormone) also gives an estimate of the remaining egg supply. I do believe that the AMH test is eventually going to replace the day 3 FSH as they effectively are testing the same thing. However I had both done as both are currently available 

Pre-conception supplements are available off the shelf in any good supermarket or pharamacy, basically you should be taking folic acid; most choose to take a supplement that has folic acid in it but also other vitamins and minerals that are good for you! I am currently taking Sanatogen mother to be which contains 18 vitamins and minerals including folic acid 

I can't guarantee I can be much help as like I said I am new to the whole process as well but if you have any other questions feel free to PM me xx


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## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

That's great thanks so much. I'm going to the pharmacy after work today to buy all the things people have recommended on here and I'm definitely going back to my doctor to get some tests. Best of luck on your journey gigglesjo, Emma (and Ange, although like your partner by the sounds of it she tends to stay off these boards because she's too busy working at the moment and ask me for the highlights of what I've learnt lol) x


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## ktw (Sep 5, 2012)

Hey, we also live in Chester and have a referral to te Liverpool women's in two weeks time for initial appointment and ultrasound. Have been interested to follow this thread particuarly re cost etc
As our gp has said this is available on the NHS? I was just wondering if anyone had had thier first appointments and had an idea of how long a wait it is before insemination begins- I there is a long wait for sperm or if the process was fairly quick? Xx


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## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

Hi KTW, oh that's interesting! Our GP maybe just doesn't know what she's talking about...It seems like the majority of people on here are funding themselves so may not know about NHS wait times but we'd be very interested to find out too, and what your initial experience is like! We need to go back to the doc or change GP! Best of luck with it x


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## Louie34 (Oct 29, 2011)

Hi Annica Welcome to the forum. I have found it to be a tremendous support during our fertility journey. We live in West Yorkshire and had our treatment at Care in Sheffield. They do have a branch in Manchester. They were very thorough but were a little negative about my partner's chances of success due to her having a low amh. Anyhow I'm glad we persevered because she is now 31 weeks pregnant with our first baby and we plan for me to start trying for number two this time next year. We have funded our own treatment which has been tough financially but we just decided to do without things for a while. Anyway wishing you both lots of luck on your journey. Louie x


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