# Bit worried we won't progress into stage 2



## tinkytoes (Aug 27, 2016)

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping for a bit of advice.  We are almost through stage 1, all of our checks are complete but the medical report is still with the SS assessor.  

We had some worries at the outset that may affect the application so we discussed these with the SW on the initial visit.  To us they were massive; an issue with my family and some recreational drug use for H in his 20's.  SW was awesome and we talked through them and she said she wasn't concerned.  Then I was worried about a one off episode of depression i had 10 years ago, again she was great and I was able to demonstrate it was a reactive episode and that now I am able to regulate myself, got through lots of miscarriages without slipping into depression etc etc.  

So we had been so worried about all of those, I forgot to mention emotional difficulties I had as a late teen (over 20 years ago now) which were nothing huge, I know why I had them and I didn't do anything major except for a half hearted over dose which was more an attention seeking episode and a one off self harm again, done for attention.  I am very very embarrassed about the whole thing and it is something I have never told anyone except my H cos it is painfully embarrassing because it was really done for attention.  I should imagine however, the episode will be in my hospital notes as I attended hosp the for overdose, but was more or less sent on my way after I was assessed (the hosp were lovely though).

I mentioned the emotional difficulties in my medical form with a view to expanding on the event and the reasons during the home study but now I am very worried they will think I have witheld the information but really it is somethning that I think very little of and as I say it was an intentional stupid attention seeking thing that I did as a very confused teenager dealing with some family stuff which in itself isn't massive, indeed it will be beneficial for adoption.

I guess I am just wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation.  I am thinking of just ringing them, but its realy not the sort of thing that can be discussed over the phone, equally I don't want to make a meal of it, as to me its no where near as huge as H's recreational drug use and my issues within my family.  

ahhh I'm so worried!


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## ciacox (May 31, 2013)

Ah Tinkytoes - really feel for you, there is so much to second guess and worry about at this stage. From what you've said the chances are the delay is just because the assessor is away or something. If there are any concerns on your medical report (and nothing you've mentioned should be a concern), they will talk to you about these and maybe ask for more info. Also, I don't think your GP would have included something from hospital notes in your teens without discussing with you so I doubt they have any details you haven't given them. Hope you hear something soon xxx


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## tinkytoes (Aug 27, 2016)

Thanks Ciacox,
really appreciate your response and kindness  
I'm much more at peace with it all now and not worried anymore, I've done alot more reading since I wrote my post and if anything i am confident it will be a positive thing and that I'll be very hands mum with teenagers experiencing similar turmoils although I am hoping we will be able to have an impact at a much earlier age.

Bit down at the moment as everything seems to have slowed down, still haven't heard about the medical reports but decided to ignore it all until Christmas and if we haven't heard by then to give SW a call and chase it up.  By then it will be five months in stage 1 and I think it is probably reasonable for us to chase at that time.  

Hope things are going good with you, I've not been on the boards for  while so need to cacth up with everyone's news.

xx


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## Anthony Reid (Jan 1, 2002)

Hi Tinkytoes,

For me, depression isn't something that goes away - it just becomes something to manage. 

When we were going through the adoption process, my history came up - but the SW said that as no major recurrences had happend in the last year, then it wasn't an issue. Most people these days suffer with depression.

For me it was classed as reactive depression due to external factors causing it, and the Dr said that they would put it down as so.

So the best person to speak with is your GP - as they will be the one signing it off 

The process is a long one, and you may be asked to write an essay on key events in your life - about how you felt at the time, and how you pulled through it. This could include things like moving home, starting schools and loss of family members etc. I figure that this is the best place to talk about the issues, and how you have managed them going forward.

I'm sure you will be absolutely fine hun x

Hope that helps,

Tony
x


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## Pognut (Apr 8, 2012)

Sorry to butt in here - I'm having very similar worries about not being approved. I had some depressive periods as a teenager/in my 20s but have been off antidepressants for about 5 years and fine. My partner, though, is on a v high dose of seroxat (200mg) for long-term depression. 

She's been on antidepressants for about 20 years, during which time she's got herself a doctorate from Oxford (which was insanely pressurised), had some serious upheavals due to my job, looked after her parents single-handed as her dad was diagnosed with and then died of Alzheimer's, and of course been through the last 4.5 years of unsuccessful IVF. She's been *fine* through all this (i.e. it has been hard, but she hasn't had a depressive episode or been ill with it, just the kind of grief you'd expect). 

I'm hoping that this is pretty good testament to her resilience and shows we have got through a lot of crap recently and have coped pretty well (she said, modestly). But will the fact that she's still on the drugs be a problem? We've been together for 15 years and in all that time she's never had a recurrence. 

Any thoughts/advice would be *really* helpful, thanks....


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## ciacox (May 31, 2013)

Hi Pognut - just a quick one to say that in my view (I'm a psychologist working in mental health) your partner should be considered well and very resilient. I really don't think there should be concerns that she's on ADs. of course her GP will have to write about it but if she hasn't had an episode for 15 years they can put a positive spin on it. In fact, it's possible she doesn't need them now (although with the few years she's just had and now going into the adoption process, there probably hasn't been a good time to experiment with lowering the dose). good luck xx


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## tinkytoes (Aug 27, 2016)

Hi everyone, thanks so much for all your kind messages, ciacox thank you for trying to reassure me.  Everything turned out to be fine in the end and we are cruising through stage 2 as I type.  Fingers and toes crossed we get to the end.  

Panel date in 2017.

I'm so happy.


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