# Coping strategies anyone?...



## Selby88 (Mar 24, 2014)

Is it baby season? because I was doing ok for a while after my BFN, but currently having lots of stuff thrown at me which is sooo painful. It's bloody everywhere I look and its really bringing me down.

I had a chance meeting with an old friend yesterday who asked me 3 times about why I didn't have any children, and today the office is baby mad as someone is a new aunt.

Can't cope with all this... going to spend half my time crying in the toilets...

Coping strategies needed...please help?...

xxx


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Oh Selby, I really feel for you.  It always feels like it is baby season for everyone else but us on here it seems.

My really good friend at work is heavily pregnant and work has been unbearable.  I'm lucky that I mostly work at home but I have found myself making every excuse not to go into that office at all.  There is only one topic of conversation and it is sooo hard to sit through it all day.  She has gone on maternity now and it is a relief to be honest.

Someone said an amazing mantra on this site the other day, it was something like 'I don't want your baby, I want my own'.  It's really helped me, I say it in my head a million times every baby's head engaging and 3D photo conversation that I have had recently.  It's kept me sane! 

Sending you lots of


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## Selby88 (Mar 24, 2014)

Thanks Molly - I like that Mantra. I know there will be good days and bad days, but its beyond a joke sometimes - it's all over the place! Luckily all pregnant ladies at my work are now off too. It's bad isn't it, I know this is a 'natural' event that happens a lot (well to others anyway!) but its so difficult to avoid it, and really i wonder should I try to avoid it at all? Or should I just be brave, and oh well... at least there are no pregnant women under my duvet or in the toilet cubicle (my favourite places these days!!)

PS If I ever win the lottery I'm coming to the Forum and dishing out some hope for all your gorgeous ladies!!!

Thanks Molly - big hugs back
xxx


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## scribbles (Jun 23, 2013)

I find gin and punching stupid people in the face a good coping strategy but that's not always practical or appropriate (apparently being drunk in work is frowned upon).

Honestly, my best coping strategy is keeping busy doing something else. I'm doing an OU degree as well as working full time and joining in my law society competitions. It has completely taken my mind off the cycle and all the hurt, stress and sadness. Maybe finding your own project or starting a course in something you've always wanted to do might help put your mind on something positive that you will a positive outcome from.  Plus it will give you something else to discuss with people you can't avoid and deflect any rubbish baby talk. 
"I see your pregnancy and raise you one strong, courageous, intelligent woman with her own mind and life". 

I know it's massively hard, cruel and unfair but there is more to you than your infertility and IVF.  Yes you need to cry, vent and get angry at pregnant idiots who spout rubbish but live your own life too. Don't let the world keep turning while you cry your eyes out in the toilets.  You know that when you are a mum that you will be ten times the mum any other mum is. Rise above the idiots because you are stronger, braver and tougher then they will ever be.


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## Selby88 (Mar 24, 2014)

Thanks scribbles. That made me laugh!
The project idea is good - actually I'm job and house hunting so that'll keep me busy!

And yes, i keep thinking if I am a mum one day I'll be a fair bit more sensitive, less moaning and boring, and so much more appreciative than most!

I don't want everyone to know about my issues and I keep them very private, but sometimes I'm shocked by the taboo that surrounds infertility and the lack of awareness..

I keep hoping a celebrity will start some awareness campaign!! Maybe then people will think a bit more before they speak!
xx


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## scribbles (Jun 23, 2013)

Just a quick reply (I'm at work and doing my best to avoid it!) if you're on JSA (assumption made from you saying that you're job hunting) then now is a really good time to look for courses at colleges/OU who will either let you study for free or massively discounted .


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## Selby88 (Mar 24, 2014)

Thanks for that scribbles -  love doing evening classes - Wonder if kick boxing might help me!!?

I luckily have a temp job for a while too that i generally love - I just hope that if I get a permanant job I'm not sat next to the pregnant lady like I always am!! maybe I should ask in my job interview lol!!!

Thanks - I feel better already...


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## Snave78 (Aug 16, 2013)

Hate to see you ladies so upset but its also nice to know i am not alone (or a prize one *****) for thinking the same thoughts as you! 
Here are a couple that screamed in my head 
-YES I know i dont have kids but i am human too-stop asking about all the children in my family and ASK ABOUT ME!
-ah you've been sick again, well you have a baby growing inside you, i would happily bleed from the eyeballs for 9 months if i could get pregnant! 
-oh no another sleepless night! I'd swap my lie in any day if it resulted in a baby!  
And my fave 
-welcome to my world- WELL I AM JOLLY SURE YOU WOULD NOT COPE WITH MINE!!!
Sorry ladies, but i Feel so much better now!


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## Selby88 (Mar 24, 2014)

Snave don't apologise! Yes, I have a collections of replies like that. The best one I heard this week was someone openly planning to delay their next pregnancy so they could go on a girly weekend this summer, as if they could just switch it on and off so easily! 

If only it was that easy for some of us...

Sending strength to us all!
Xxx


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## Jelliebabe (Jan 14, 2011)

OM actual G! You ladies have made me properly laugh!

I look after h&s at my company and currently have a record 8 pregnant women to risk assess, monitor and look after. Sigh, i'm not jealous really I just want the same for me too.

Had my hair done Wednesday, the Hairdresser told me she was pregnant, the one next to me had had a new nice the day before, the lady round the corner (loud smug woman) was on about how you just don't realise how your priorities change until you're a parent (really wanted to year her my hair out by this point! Sometimes it's relentless....

Here's a giggle for you...

https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&ei=8lpdU8XJEJDT7Aaw14DgCA&url=http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DLbTB3ASkdOo&cd=5&ved=0CDwQtwIwBA&sqi=2&usg=AFQjCNFIWPefB2tx1m8gmGJE-V0vx16mCQ&sig2=ig7MxDsdXBmAkjfuyt1rMw

/links


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## Snave78 (Aug 16, 2013)

Jelliebabe thats ace! My DH and i giggled so much! I will hear that in me head when i see anyone pregnant now!


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## Alotbsl (May 20, 2013)

Jelliebabe great link, it made me smile which I struggle to do lately.


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## Selby88 (Mar 24, 2014)

Jelliebabie, that's hilarious! Thanks for something to make me smile!

X


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## Jelliebabe (Jan 14, 2011)

I cant lie - I did discover that on here!


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## Snow Tiger (Apr 29, 2014)

Hey ladies,

I'm finding things particular difficult at the moment due to feeling surrounded by friends with babies and your posts have really helped me to feel that really not alone  in feeling this way.

Jelliebabe that link has really made me   I will definitely hold onto that and remember it in teary times! 

Sending   to you all.

Xx


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## hilly35 (Feb 14, 2012)

That is just too funny - really made me smile. After hearing yesterday how hard a friend of mine has found it trying 4 months before she fell pregnant on No 3 I shall keep this in mind!!! I think what also helped is the comment earlier that I dont want your baby I want mine and I am going to keep that in my head too. 
It will happen for us ladies - and think how non smug we will be and how much we will be aware of other people around us.

Good luck everyone - pregnant women are smug.....la la la la la....


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