# One Year On!!



## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Girls
I cannot believe it, its been a year since we decided to stop going for further treatment. For the first six months, i felt that i was living someone elses life and that it was all surreal. It has finally dawned on me, that it is my life and this has happened to me. I am never going to have my own child, and that still hurts. 
It is quite ironic really that it happened to fall at Easter, especially when it identifies with 'Eggs'. I am going to still tuck into a nice chocolate egg though  .
My hubby and i have been decorating our small bedroom and it felt that a chapter had been closed. This room will never be occupied by our own child...
But all through these sad moments, there are still happy ones. We feel positive about decorating the room into a chill out zone. We can also invite more friends over to stay the night. I also got a phone call from a close friend today and got excited as we will be visiting very shortly. We also have lots of nice things planned for the future..
I can honestly say that it was not what we planned, but those grey days are looking a bit more clear with blue skies. Once making the decision to give up, i thought it would have been a far more rocky path, but it has been alot better than the years of enduring treatment.
Thank goodness for my hubby,close friends and other outside inputs..Going for counselling and the infertility workshop has given me the tools to move forward..
I also want to thank everyone on here that has supported me, because you have been the life line that i needed ....the open wound that is gradually closing....
I hope you don't mind me sharing my thoughts, but i wanted to write them down...
Lots of love astridx 
p.s i would love to see all your faces on here....just to put a face to the name....


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hello astrid 
we meet again 
im so glad u can feel so posative it is so up lifting to here that u can except things as they are and move on 
i hope i will feel this posative as time goes on 

well done for being so brave 
steph


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## Dydie (Feb 11, 2005)

Hi Astrid
You are truly an inspiration  
Well done for being so positive and giving the rest of us some hope
Enjoy you choccy egg  

By the way ... I put some photos on the gallery last week but i notice you dont have your own face in there yet!!

Dydie xx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

thankyou Dydie and Steph for your lovely comments...!!!
Its not the easiest of roads, as we all know, but i think we find a way to get there. I think its the down days that makes this whole IF journey so hard...i am sure there are still more to come and i suppose that will be apart of our lives...crap really!!!...

Dydie...i love your pictures..what a handsome couple!!! I am glad i can picture your face now!!
Wow your horse is beautiful and i love the dog....i love boxers..!!
Dydie i don't know how to download photos, i have tried (i am not good on this side of things)...i am on a photo with a group of girls on the 'essex meet' about a year ago...somewhere in the galleries!!!

Enjoy your Easter...
lots of love astridxx


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Astrid, 

Whilst this post is so sad, it is also full of hope aswell .....

I think you are such a strong person and I bet you can't believe your in a different place now than you were a year ago.  Its so hard to ever imagine at the time isn't it?

The anniversaries are always painful but I suppose its the old cliche again .....

I'm struggling for words actually, i wish I could just give you a big hug and make everything alright for you........ there are just no words, they've all been said before so many, many times haven't they?

I'm glad you are moving on but also glad you're strong enough to accept there will be bad days, but that you're finding your way to cope so that you can just "go with" them.  

My friend was over last night and she was saying, she hopes for my sake, we get a 2nd chance at life (re-incarnation) and that I can choose to come back as a Mum with lots of children and pregnancies.  It made me think, I should just try and enjoy this life, whatever is thrown at us as who knows what happens next ........

God, I'm talking B*****s now I think!  I don't know WHAT I'm trying to say here, I'll go now as I think this might be a bit depressing and you're getting stronger by  the day now my friend .....

Hang on in there gal,
Love and HUG
Gill xo


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Astrid,

Loved reading your post.  

It is good to hear that things are moving on for you.  

Hugs

Laine


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