# Wedding . . .. help i dont know what to do



## fuzzier (Oct 31, 2005)

My boyfriend N has proposed   and i accepted   i am over the moon.
We havent set a date yet as we have yet to visit a couple of venues before we make up our minds and can set the date. 
I just need some help, i have no idea what you are and are not supposed to do, i.e. who pays for what.

I was having my sister and two little girls for bridesmaids and now i have my sister and four little girls (two are N's nieces i couldnt say no to) so my costs are increasing already.
Any help or ideas would be most welcomed.
Ive started making my own day and evening invites and rsvp cards for guests to send back should i put stamps on the envelopes for the rsvp's or leave it to the guests to pay their own postage (that alone could save me £70-£80) 

So ladies any tips or advice greatly welcomed.

Kay


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

Kay, sending more congratulations your way!!!!!     

I have a very non traditional attitude to weddings, my opinion is you have the wedding you want - not what other people expect.  My two weddings were very different.  The first was a very traditional one, church, white dress, limo, hotel reception afterwards etc etc.  The second one was just us and a few friends at a registry office (although we did dress up, I had a white dress (different one from last time!) and he wore a Chinese style silk shirt and smart trousers), we went to a restaurant afterwards (we were going to have takeaway but it was 35 degrees and we wanted somewhere with airco!   ).  DH's wedding to his first wife was even less traditional, they got married in jeans and had a picnic afterwards!  His cousin eloped and got married abroad, not even the mother of the groom knew anything about it until they got back!  My aunt and uncle got married the day I passed my driving test so the first I knew about it was when my uncle phoned up and said "congrats on passing your test, by the way me and L got married!" I had to phone my grandma to confirm because I didn't believe him!  Weddings come in all shapes and sizes, the most important thing is that it is what you want, with the man you want!   

As far as the wedding invatations are concerned, we didn't send out envelopes or stamps to RSVP.  

Good luck - and wishing you and N a lifetime of happiness together   

Sue


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## fuzzier (Oct 31, 2005)

Thank you Sue.
N kinda of wants a sort of formal affair as he says its his first and one and only wedding that he'll be having. We are not having a church wedding though we are going to have everything all in one hotel (we even looked at hiring a castle), we're looking at venues at the mo and one is coming out head and tails above the rest. 
I thought as I'm making the cards myself i can include a homemade rsvp card but wasnt sure if i should pay postage for the return of the rsvp card, i guess the least anyone can do is pay for a stamp eh cos they dont have to buy an rsvp/acceptance card.
Our guest list has grown slightly from what we were kind of budgeting for by  an extra 10 people which is quite a bit of extra money to find when it comes to the catering for them.
This is gonna sound real cheapskate but is it too rude or cheeky to ask the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses I've been told i shouldnt ask them to and then ive been told its perfectly acceptable to. Some site i've looked at even say its the bridesmaids to pay for their dresses.

I'm so confused. And if i'm confused now what am i gonna be like when we have a date to work towards


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

Big Congratulations. On bridesmaids dresses some of the department stoes now do really lovely, very reasonably priced dresses for kiddies from £30 at BHS for example. If you wanted to make them a bit different you could just add some more soloured ribbon sashes or little silk flowers maybe. Sure most mummies wouldn't mind buying them at all.

Love weddings me lots of cost saving ideas, big cash drainers are cakes. I swear I nearly died when I found out how much people charge for weddings cakes. Would suggest buying some plain iced ones from M&S or Waitrose or somewhere and buying some nice cake topper type decorations online, saves bundles or else cupcake owers are v popular now anyway and cheap and easy to make yourself or recruit a few friends. 

Flowers again OMG mention the word wedding and the price goes through the roof. Ordering a nice hand tied bouquet of roses (even from a posh florists) works out way cheaper.  Did one for one of my friends v cheap using Sunflowers which look amazing (but depends on the wedding style you like)

Wedding favours don't even bother, does anyone even like sugared almonds anyway? 

Congratulations again    
Maisy


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

I was fortunate that my mum was a member of a flower arranging class - the whole group chipped in and not only made my bouquet, but also decorated the church as well!! 

I can't see the point of favours either!

Sue


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## Cazne (Jul 19, 2009)

Hi Fuzzier,

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

As for how to go about it and who pays for what - there are no hard and fast rules, it's more about what you want to do and what you can afford.  

DH and I were married in 2005 and we had a registry office do followed by drinks & dinner in a nearby hotel which we paid for.  We blockbooked the whole hotel (it was v small) and I managed to do the whole thing on quite a low budget.  Many of our friends and family were really keen to help out - you might find this is the case for you.  So the things that are high cost at weddings which we could never have afforded otherwise became possible:

my mum paid for my outfit and made my bouquet herself
a good fried did the photos as our wedding gift - they were fabulous!
my mother in law did the wedding favours
my brother in law did the cake (it was small fairy cakes as that's what I wanted)
I come from a musical family and my dad and brother and a family friend provided the entertainment - the hotel's neighbours wanted to hire them they were so good!
my dad and his partner got the champagne
My sister's boyfriend did the design and printing of the stationary 

we paid for: the registry office and the hotel (including all the food & drinks for the meal), the bridesmaid's outfit and gifts for muy mum, mother in law and the 3 kids who were there.    

I did have to compromise a bit - we wanted to invite lots of people but we just didn't have the funds for that and I felt really strongly that we should be hospitable and pay for the food & drink.  So in order to be able to do this we had just 30 guests.  It made it a very intimate occasion though and I really loved the whole day.

on paying for bridesmaid's dress - a friend of mine was a bridesmaid recently and she was asked to pay for half the cost of her outfit which she was happy to do.  Perhaps you could consider this?

Happy planning!

Cazne xxx


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## fuzzier (Oct 31, 2005)

Thanks for all the congrats and the tips
N's mum will be making our cake/s (not sure if she plans on making one for the evening too) her cakes are fabulous, you'd think they came from a top class shop.
I'm considering having a friend and his girlfriend to do my photos, its a hobby of theirs they're not pro but i'd like a pro job iykwim so have to take that into consideration.
N wants to do favours, but there wont be a sugared almond in sight there will be love hearts we wanted thew just married love hearts but they are so pricey, just married rock sweets, just married chocolate coins, parma violets and something else, which i cant remember what we said. . . note to self write stuff down.
I'm making the all the invites, menus and place cards.
I have a friend who worked in a party shop and also arranged balloons and flowers for weddings so she is doing the brides, bridesmaids and button hole flowers and balloon arrangement for me I just have to buy the stuff. Found somewhere that does artificial flowers that are so good you really cant tell they're artificial and much cheaper than real ones too. 
I may do my own makeup as I can be allergic to stuff so at least by using my own I know I'm not going to have my eyes puff up. 
Really want to have my hair done but that is quite expensive, so may just have  a play myself and see what I can do and get a nice handmade hair clip to match with my flowers.
I guess its not actually that bad when i see it all written down. I suppose once we have a date in mind and we go to see the wedding co-ordinator at the hotel we might have more of an idea.
Kay


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## shortie66 (Feb 6, 2008)

Wooooo hoooooo i love weddings      


Congratulations Kay      


I had loads of stuff from confetti.co.uk (saved a fortune) bought cheap cameras from there that were on special offer go on tables, wedding bubbles, and  bought plain satin table name places then some lilac card went on word processing and made an oval shape cut them out and stuck them on the name places with sticky pads   


Happy planning hunny   


Oooooo wish i could do it again! To the same man tho


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## Just a girl (Mar 6, 2008)

Kay 
Massive Congratulations on your fabulous news.

I was a bridesmaid back in October and my friend paid for the dress but me and the other adult bridesmaid paid for our shoes, jewellery and hair to be done. I was more then happy to do this. 
Someone has already mentioned BHS but that is where our dresses were from and they were lovely.  
I also managed to find the shoes that matched the dress on ebay and won them for around £2   (worn once but hey they'd never get worn again).  BHS often have cardholder events where you get 10% off days so if there are some you like it could be worth opening an account with them in advance.  Take a look online at their range its really nice.

For your little girls you can make things cheaper by getting little hair accessories (if you need them) from Claire's and going for shoes that aren't necessarily bridesmaid shoes.  Everywhere seems to stock the ballet pump style shoes which are all pretty and sequined up and would be perfect (even primark do them).  

Another friend married a while ago and instead of favours she bought 6 large clear (cheap) vases and placed them all on one table and filled them with her and her DP's favourite childhood sweets and put little paperbags next to them so guests could make there own mix ups. Not sure if works out cheaper then individual favours but the sweet are very easy to buy in large tubs and it was a nice touch.    

How exciting to be planning a wedding - so pleased for you   xxx


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## C0nfused (Apr 13, 2007)

Congratulations Kay!

I know what you mean about wanting to money save.. we did the same.. this is what we did: 

*bought all clothes from Debenhams, taking out a store card which gave 10% off everything for one week. I also got 10% off my dress because it had a thread loose and they also had their blue cross sale on that week so I got those discounts as well. I don't think I spent more than £350 on my dress, two adult bridesmaids dresses, and dh's suit. As I needed to buy everything during the blue cross sale but couldnt get all the bridesmaids together I bought the dresses in the wrong sizes then exchanged them for the right sizes afterwards! My dress wasn't a wedding dress but it was ivory and I can't see it being used as a bridesmaids dress. 

*instead of using a photographer we spent the money on buying a really decent camera and another smaller camera, and had a friend take the photos with our decent camera, we then used the smaller camera on honeymoon and for the same cost as a photographer we had two cameras out of it.

*made our own invites and I did not include postage or anything for rsvp's. 

*bought small gift bag things off ebay and filled them with fudge from a cash and carry.

*I wasted a lot of money on practice hair do's and settled for just having my hair straightened in the end.

The rest of our savings were due to my hubby being in a church choir so we had a free choir, free bell ringers, free vicar (well as free as he could make it), and a best man that drives a lexus (I forgot to arrange my own transport to get to the church so a friends hubby took me in his merc!). 

As we had our home together anyway we put a poem in our invites to ask for Euros for wedding gifts to use on honeymoon, which saved us a lot (although we spent a fortune on holiday!). Suedulux actually wrote the poem that we used   

My stepdaughter bought her wedding dress off ebay from China and it was amazing.. and that saved her a fortune. 

Jen x


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## fuzzier (Oct 31, 2005)

Thank you to everyone for the best wishes and tips.

Jen I have a friend who does photography as a hobby, so I am considering that option. 
I got my dress at a knockdown price from a local shop that had only just opened, they had been a @home business then decided to go into a shop and she was selling off some of the dresses as they are now discontinued at rediculously low prices and I  mean rediculously low like down from £800-£1000 to around £100-£200, so i got myself a high end dress for a low end price (its in a non see through dress bag in my bedroom and i open it up and look at it everyday   ). They've even offered to come and be my dressers on the day too at no charge.
I'm going to have a hair clip made for around £15 (it will match my flowers) and do my own hair, so that is going to save hundreds. . . .well thats my plan at the mo for my hair. I would like to do my own make up too but i'm not very good at applying it (best get practising eh), i usually wear none except a little on a night out. I can only use certain brands and worried if i went to a beautician to have it done they would only use their stuff and i might have a reaction. Any tips on how to apply mascara so it looks natural and not clumpy will be most appreciated, also how the hell do you put liner on   beats me. . . no matter how hard i try i cant do it well i can but its not a good result   
I have found bridesmaids dresses and four will cos around £100   
Ive thought about the poem thing cos we have everything, and when N moves there will be more, but I have no idea what to write, do you still have the poem Jen if so and you're happy to share could you pm me it.
I have found a couple of suits for ds for less than £40, I cant buy it yet cos he is growing at such a rate he might outgrow it before he wears it.

N said last night he wants to set a date by the end of the month. As soon as we do i'll let you all know and set myself up a countdown ticker.
I'm so excited.

Kay


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

Hey Kay. Pop into one of the big Department stores and ask them to do you a make up application for wedding. Most don't charge and you can buy the products you like. The assistants actually love doing them usually and can give you great ideas and tips. 
So excited for you x


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## Siobhan1 (Jun 24, 2004)

fuzzier said:


> This is gonna sound real cheapskate but is it too rude or cheeky to ask the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses I've been told i shouldnt ask them to and then ive been told its perfectly acceptable to. Some site i've looked at even say its the bridesmaids to pay for their dresses.


IMO, I would pay for the bridesmaids dresses as it is me that wants them as a bridesmaid & in most cases they will end up with a whole outfit they can never wear again so I don't see why they should pay for it.
However, if you really want them to pay then I would still pay for the kids dresses as it seems a bit unfair on the parents.


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## fuzzier (Oct 31, 2005)

Well now i have an official date 11th March 2012, booked and deposits paid  

Just need some advice about a couple of things, 
the venue need final figures about 2-3 months (no later than 2 months) before the event so this would be January which means we need to send invites out before xmas but how far before. Is it too early to send them in October and ask for the rsvp's by end of November, I'm worried people might forget to return theirs by end of December with it being the xmas month.

Anyone had a sweet buffet before, I am having one but not sure if the glasses/jars should be mixed or all the same styles. gonna go pic hunting in a mo and have a look, but any thoughts ideas welcomed   

Any other hints tips i.e presents for bridesmaids (4 children aged 3,4,9 and 10 and one adult age 25) grooms mum, best man (not flowers) and do we buy presents for any other people?

Thanks a million for all your tips so far please keep them coming

a very excited Kay


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## Essex Girl (Apr 3, 2005)

HI Fuzzier, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!  It's bringing back memories reading this thread.

A couple of thoughts - do you know anyone techy who could set up a wedding website for you?  My sister did one for us and it was a great way to get all the necessary info out to the guests.  We put things like maps, info for parents about the venue, and our wedding list on it.  Probably if we were doing it now we would also add a facility for people to upload their photos afterwards, but that was a bit advanced back when we got hitched.

As for asking bridesmaids to pay for dresses etc, this may sound obvious, but if you are asking people to pay for their own outfits, they need to know, and preferably how much, when you invite them to be bridesmaids etc.  My SIL's children were invited to be bridesmaid and page boy for her friend's wedding, but nothing was said about paying for the outfits until about 2 weeks before the wedding, when the friend just said 'Oh, and you owe me £100 for the outfits'.  My SIL was furious.  She didn't want to pull the children out as they were looking forward to being bridesmaid and page boy, and by that time, the outfits had been made, so I think she fobbed the friend off until after the big day, paid a token amount as a good will gesture and heard no more from the friend except chasing phone calls for the rest of the money.

I'm sure you'll have a brilliant day.  Enjoy!!!

EG x


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

Wooooooooooooooo Hoooooooooooooooooooo CONGRATS   

My idea has already been mentioned    but BHS really does have some FAB bridesmaid dresses and really reasonable, again I too think u should pay for the bridesmaid dresses, same reasons as said by others before.

U just need lil token gifts for bridesmaids, My little sisters got 2 build a bears dressed as brides (not from me but when they were bridesmaids) for the little ones, or like a little locket/keepsake?  I never knew the best man got a prezzi but suppose it would be sexist not to- what about a bottle of ........ what ever he drinks? The Mums- do normally get flowers so I would be stuck to suggest something else    champers? 

I think with ur invites- you post them and let them find a return stamp  Or / And put ur email address / Phone number and say to reply in which ever way is easiest? Cant get any easier than that... an Email is free!! 

Just a thought for the Mum/older bridesmaid- what about a beauty/ nail voucher? 

Oh and also... after the wedding, u can sell everything on Ebay! I know it helps to have the money before the wedding, but u could at least get some money back, bridesmaid dresses/ shoes, ur shoes etc cz in all honesty these things usually get used for one day only! 

Oooo I cant wait to keep reading and hearing about all ur arrangements   

  Good Luck    x x


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## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

Hi

I lost a friendship through bridesmaid dresses rather sad to think of it now. My really close friend asked me to be her bridesmaid and then dropped the bombshell that she also wanted me to pay for the bridesmaid dress to as she had paid for her bridesmaid dress when her sister got married, yet my bro paid for mine when I was bridesmaid. We haven't spoken since and I never did go to her wedding. I should add I was flying overseas for the wedding by myself, would be paying for my own accommodation and she told me I would be sitting on a random table with people I didn't know. I wasn't keen about this but one of my parents with diagnosed with a serious illness so I didn't go anyway as I was flying home for a weeks to see my parents and extended my stay when I heard this. I lived overseas at the time of the wedding as did she but had originally paid at extra expense to fly via her home too. The other two bridesmaids also fell out with her.

I really miss her friendship and wish this hadn't happened but there is no going back now but she hasn't spoken to me since.

xx


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## Just a girl (Mar 6, 2008)

I was given a engraved mirror compact as one bridesmaid, another friend did us really sweet gift bags in the morning which included our jewellery for the day (good idea to present that as that gift as that saves on buying twice), a little lip gloss and a pair of really cute pants with bridesmaid embroidered on the bum (I think she got them from Debenhams) and the other time I was a bridesmaid I was given a lovely pair of silver earings which I wear nearly everyday unless I'm going out. 

Fraggles that is really sad that you fell out with your friend over paying for the dresses especially when you had so much else to pay out for regarding the wedding and Essex Girl what happened to your friend was really unfair too. I think if you are expected to pay for any of it you really should be told when being asked initially as its only fair. I too know someone who wan't told until the last minute she had to stump up the hire fee for her dress (so she didn't even get to keep it), and the bride had gone ahead and booked her into get her hair, nails, spray tan and makeup done then informed her she needed to pay for all of that too. Their friendship took a bit of a turn for the worse.  I was told at the very beginning I would need to sort my shoes, hair and jewellery out for one of the weddings but figured I would be getting all of that and more if I was a regular guest so it really didn't bother me, plus I knew how much of tight budget my friend had. She used to joke with us we were her budget bridesmaids    x


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## munchkin35 (Jan 21, 2011)

Hi fuzzier,
                   enjoy every second of it, it all goes so quickly!! u should do whatever feels best 4 u, its your day after all, I bought the bridesmaids dresses (had 4) but didn't pay for shoes as the dresses were long and no one could see them anyway. I'm sure they wont mind paying. Other cost saving ideas - our cake was also the pudding so that saved some money, it was very very yummy!! 
we over estimated how many would eat in the evening, so paid for far more food than we actually needed - everyone was still full from the sit down meal. 
Good idea making your own invites etc. my DH mum made all ours as her contribution, I did all the table decorations (except flowers), have a look around as depending on what u want u can get the same stuff but cheaper in high street shops - ie I got the round table mirrors which the flowers went on from the range.
Good luck with it all, and make the most of being the bride - its great!!


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## fuzzier (Oct 31, 2005)

Thank you to everyone for th econgrats and the tips
I am paying for bridesmaids dresses, though will be asking the parents to buy their childs shoes. I kinda was only having three bridesmaids but have ended up with 5 as there was on i was put on the spot in front of the little girl and then there was another one i had to have as they are cousins and i couldnt have one without the other.

This is how I've saved money so far

I've made all my invites for day and evening, menus and rsvp's. 
We have trimmed down the guest list as we really dont need to be inviting extended family members that we never see.
We are only including a 3 drinks per person drink package with the wedding breakfast, for the evening we are having a cornish pasty and scones with jam and cornish clotted cream supper instead of a buffet with one arrival drink for each guest (also a cornish drink)
We were going to have platinum rings but have chosen to go with white gold, its a lot cheaper but just as nice.
We will be catering/supplying our own sweet buffet, it works out a hell of a lot cheaper than having it done for you. I got some glassware on ebay quite cheap and some at tesco on offer at 3 for 2 and also a few from a  charity shop.
Seems the usual sweet buffet cost is around £250 for an 8-10 variety buffet and i think ours will come in at about half that price with a 20 variety buffet and i can resell the dishes etc on ebay after.
I got my wedding dress from a discontinued range at a fraction of its retail cost.
I got my shoes fom an outlet online at a fraction of their cost too.
My sons suit will be from an online retailer, cheaper than any store and all i have to do now is decide which style to get him.
I have found bridesmaids dresses online cheaper than instore also, but i am not going to buy the kids clothing until January/February as who knows how much they might grow.
I have got my sisters bridesmaids dress already, but to be fair she is grown up (24yo) and i've told her if she gets too big for her dress she has to buy a replacement cos it was only bought now because she really liked it and wanted that particular one

N's mum is allergic to flowers, so we are thinking of getting her a box set of dvd's of something she really likes and a little 'mother of the groom' momento present.

I am so excited, and every day that passes is a day closer to our big day and i really cant wait to marry the man that has made me so happy.

If i knew how to put pics in my posts i would show you the invites and maybe my dress but i have no idea how, anyone care to share??

Kay


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## munchkin35 (Jan 21, 2011)

Fuzzier,
            Sounds like u r doing well with all the money saving ideas - wish I'd spoken to u B4 my wedding!!!! I 4got to say  in last post - if u r having a photographer make 100% sure that YOU have the copy right to the pics otherwys they do and u have to pay again if u want any additional photos. We thought we had this sorted but didnt, and if I want a big canvas pic of us done we'd have to pay £155 for it, on top of the £930 we have already paid for the package!!  
Good luck  with it all


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