# 44 own eggsor donor advice pls



## janet123 (Feb 23, 2010)

Hi 

I know I have asked this question before, but today Care rang and said they have a donor ready. 

My heart sank. I was pleased but also not sure. I still want my own eggs, but at 44, not looking good. Am I being stupid? 

I have always responded well to med's, and my consultant said donor might not be needed. 

I'm in such a wizz what to do.. 

So ladies, please reply. 

J X


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## Hippogriff (Apr 14, 2010)

I don't think that you are being stupid at all.  But for me the final decision to go with a donor (planned donor FET this year) was the loss of two pregnancies last year, both of them almost certainly linked to the age of my eggs.  My courage failed.  I just couldn't face going through that again.

Only you can decide what is right for you.  I know that's a platitude.  But whichever way you go, with your own eggs or donor eggs - I can tell you this, when they place that baby in your arms, at that moment you will not remember or care which you chose, it will be utterly unimportant.  That will be your child.

Good luck, and God Bless.


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

I do think it is possible to have a pregnancy with your own eggs at 44- but it will take alot of cycles and PGD and alot of effort- not to say the money invloved.
If you are determined, you have the money and the patience- it can be done.
There is a special clinic in New York that specialist in treating women over 43 with their own eggs and have increased the success rate from 2 % to 24%, these are the best odds in the world http://www.centerforhumanreprod.com/premature_ovaries.html
But the reality is, you are doomed to 98% failure at age 44  with your own eggs
If you travel to New York and undergo the specialist treatment you have a 76% chance of failure, which is still bad but much better odds.

To increase your chances DE is the only way forward, which will give you a approx 55%-65% chance of success which is much better all together ( 35%-45% failure rate)

Good luck

Lily X

/links


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

I can only agree with the other two replies - at 44 your chances of success with your own eggs are low - it may take many cycles and you have a much increased risk of a baby with chromosomal problems (eg Downs, Edwards syndromes) and/or miscarriage if you do get pregnant
However, it is important before moving to DE to feel that you have done everything you could with your own eggs - to get 'closure' if you like before you move on to the next step in the journey. If you do not feel you have done this, then don't rush into DE but take some time to consider your options

The thing with DE is that even when you're sure it's the right thing for you, there will still be wobbles along the way and one of those is inevitably when a donor is found and you're ready to start the cycle - bound to raise all those questions again
So it's a case of figuring out whether it's just a little 'wobble' you're having, or whether you have serious doubts about DE - and only you know how you feel about that

I had 5+ attempts with OE including one early miscarriage before PGD suggested very poor quality eggs and I moved to DE. Throughout the DE process I had worries, but now that I am pregnant I feel nothing but glad that I am finally carrying my babies (because they are my babies, regardless of where the initial egg/sperm came from)

Best of luck with your decision - it's not easy and ultimately only you can know what's right for you and your family
Suitcase
x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

As you are at CARE not sure which one but Nottingham do CGH and perhaps a cycle with your own eggs and cgh could be an option. Have you also thought of tandem cycles in Cyprus where you & donor cycle so you in theory will get an ET and you've had the chance to cycle as well they will also mix the eggs yours and ED in replacement. 

I moved onto DE's and now back on OE's at 42, poor responder, v low amh 0.7 but have been recommended natural ivf.


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## daisyg (Jan 7, 2004)

Lily,

Just to correct your information.  The stats you quote are completely wrong.  CHR has a 3.8% pregnancy (NOT live birth rate) for 44 years.  I can't find CHR on SART (to compare with other US clinics).  CHR is certainly NOT regarded as a top US clinic.  No. 1 in the world is CCRM with other clinics like Cornell in NYC close behind.  These clinics can count on one hand the number of live births 44 - 45 in their entire history, so this is the reality of ivf with own eggs, even at the most successful clinics (which is NOT CHR).  

Janet,

The other posters have given you very pertinent and relevant information.  It is an extremely personal decision based on closure, time and emotional and financial ability to continue with own eggs at your age.

The reality is that there are hardly any live births at age 44 in this country or any other via own egg ivf.  Sadly, the reality of age is reflected in this fact no matter how well you appear to respond to meds.

I would weight up these options and if you can afford it and need closure, then I would try another go with own eggs before moving on.  I would definitely recommend counselling to help you and DH come to terms with the issues of moving to DE.

I would also strongly recommend that you and DH undergo some basic miscarriage and failure testing before continuing.  So often I have seen women fail with OE only to move to DE and still miscarry because basic issues weren't sorted.  These issues include sperm, uterine, clotting, thyroid, infection, autoimmune etc.  Many tests can be done via GP and clinic.

This would be my advice. 

By the way, I got pregnant on every single ivf cycle both here and at Cornell with own eggs from age 44 - 45 and miscarried every single pregnancy sadly. I moved to DE and got pregnant a further two times but still miscarried.  It was only after testing I was found to have clotting and autoimmune issues and only found success with donor embryo after taking relevant medication for these.

Best of luck to you,
Daisy
xxx


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## mfmcmoo (Jul 16, 2010)

A little bit of hope - my best friend gave birth to twins at 44. She went through about 4 IVF's and this one was her last one - she swears they were the last 2 eggs ever...but she has 2 beautiful boys now. Check out DHEA - may help.


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## efellows (Aug 29, 2010)

Janet- 
I don't know what other fertility treatments you've already tried. I had ICSI with my eggs at 43, with no luck. Honestly, I think we threw our money away, but had we not tried with my eggs, I would have always wondered "what if." I still wonder that of course, but unless you are one of those unusual women whose egg reserves remain high into your 40s, you're chances of success are very slim, as others have pointed out. Some clinics won't even do IVF with the woman's own eggs once she's 41 or older. 

I'm now 44 and have had one unsuccessful round of ICSI with donor eggs, but we're going to try again this year. It took me a long time to accept the idea of having a baby with someone else's DNA instead of mine, but as Hippogriff says, once they put a baby in our arms, it won't matter.  

Best -
Liz


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## daisyg (Jan 7, 2004)

I believe it's not so much to do with 'egg reserves' (though of course the later your peri/menopause the better) - it is to do with your age and whether you are lucky enough to have chromosomally normal embryos (rarer as we age) coupled with no other issues and a very good clinic, protocol and lab. and finally whether you 'do' fertility and implantation well, again rarer as we age over 40.

Daisy
x


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## AliG63 (Jul 15, 2010)

Hi Janet,
Sorry to have to repeat what many of the others say. but the chances of IVF working with OE at 44 are extremely slim- I've heard 1-2%. this is what my Obstetrics & Gynae Consultant told myself and Dh, and she as Clinical Director of the dept said she'd been in the buisness for 15 years. the eggs tend not to fertilize due to their age according to her.
It does happen, but it's very rare, and many women who have IVF OE experience miscarriages, due to poor egg quality, and chromosomal abnormalities. Nature can be very cruel.  Honestly I. think your best bet in DE or adoption. Have you considered this path?  The success rates with DE can be up to 70%. Having said that we have had one round of DEIVF abroad and I miscarried at 7 wks. We are going again though.. It's a difficult thing to get your head around, but basically I agree with the others that at the end of the day, it's your baby. you carry it, nurture it, and bring it up with your partner.  That baby knows you're it's mum. I didn't look back once we'd made the decision. Anyway, Best of luck whatever you decide.
Ali XX


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## nvb (May 31, 2008)

Dear Janet....I remember getting that phone call last June....I had been matched with a donor and here was a chance to have my baby. We had tried twice with my OE and after counselling I had accepted that DE were the way forward. We got our BFP and I can honestly say, hand on heart, that I was totally and utterly in love. The fact that I was not going to be sharing DNA with my baby mattered not. I would be the one that carried, felt the first kick, gave birth and fed and nurtured my child. I would be the ONLY woman he/she would ever call mummy. Sadly i suffered a MMC at 8+4 and we were devastated. 
Now we have been given an NHS funded cycle but the downside is that I have to revert back to using my OE. After getting my head round using DE, I am struggling to cope as I know our chances are so low. We are having IMSI and genetic testing on my eggs....but deep down I just feel that this is a complete waste of time and we are setting ourselves up for more sadness and wasting precious time that could be used on another DE cycle..... For me, if I was offered the choice of doing this or having had my DE pregnancy continue to term, then I can catagorically tell you that I would 100% have chosen the latter.


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## urbangirl (Jul 28, 2010)

Janet, everything is statistics and you may or may not be that 'Ms Average', how can you know?  I'm 43 and I don't consider myself too be too old at all.  The problem is that the consultants did and so didn't do their due vigilance, meaning that the main reason for my infertility was not picked up on until I investigated it myself. Their 'too old' mentality seriously held me back but luckily I didn't believe that that was my problem. So now I'm just starting out afresh, problem resolved and looking forward.  At the end of the day it's up to you, but a positive outlook doesn't hurt any.  Good luck!


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## barbara1 (Aug 3, 2010)

Hi Janet,

Goodluck on what ever you decide
Barbara1


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