# Have any single women dated whilst TTC?? Or while pregnant??



## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Just wondering...

My love life has been pretty dire for the last 2 years and I've pretty much given up trying to meet a guy now! I'm due to start TTC with a friend in a few weeks. However something worries me a bit...I wonder what would happen if I met someone nice that I'd like to date in the next 6-12 months (the length of time I'm giving this coparent arrangement) or while I was pregnant. How would I handle such a situation? If still ttc Would I just turn down any dates  or would I just throw caution to the wind and drop my coparent and pin my hopes on the new guy? Much as I'm excited to start TTC the thought of no dating whatsoever for the next year or 2 depresses me!

I was wondering if any single ladies ever met someone while trying to concieve - no matter what the method. Or even while pregnant. What happened?!!

Heidi xx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

There are 2 threads that might help you
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=237132.0


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## LondonKat (Feb 2, 2012)

Hi Heidi, I'm having the same thoughts although I have not gone the co parenting road ( but anonymous donor) The thought of not dating or meet guys socially depresses me a bit. The funny thing is that I probably haven't been dating for more than a year! I had my 1st IUI 2 months ago with a negative outcome and I am meant to have my 2nd attempt next week.. and again the ugly doubts have hit me like a wall of bricks. I know realistically that I cannot wait longer to have a child without putting my chances in serious jeopardy ( my doctor advised not to postpone  more than 6 months // I'm 37)..... I still hope to meet a great guy once I have a child... which means starting dating! But I'm worried that dating during treatment might confuse me OR prove me that there are no great guys out there indeed! Which would be GREAT! The thought of dating while  pregnant is a bit too weird..but you never know! 

I think the co parenting thing makes it even more difficult unless you separate clearly the dating and the baby project.

Any ladies out here who have been there and who could give us some positive inputs!

Why is life so complicated!


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

I know Londonkat! I haven't had sex for 2 years and the last date I had was 7 months ago  I was supposed to be going to Thailand this week and I was hoping to have a wee holiday fling there to top me up but I had to cancel the holiday ( Now I just see my love/sex life just stretch out ahead of me for the next few years with zero, zilch, nada.

The best thing for me would be to meet someone AFTER I had a child and this would make my life a lot less complicated but the thought of no sex or dating for the next year or 2, ESP after being so barren anyway, is v depressing


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## LondonKat (Feb 2, 2012)

It sucks really. But I think dating once the child is born would be wiser and healthier.... While having treatment and being pregnant I'll try to socialise and engage with men that way but  not in the dating sense. I think that once our little angels are there, dating might become the last thing on our list of things we want to do... the focus will naturally shift and we will be fulfilled by such an unconditional love that the things we are missing now might become less frustrating... Lets hope!!


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## Kiwi_in_uk (May 25, 2009)

I dated a male friend while doing a round of donor ivf. It was a sea of mixed emotionals at the time. It now feels quite a dark period in my past. I told my male friend all about it. We now have two boys.

It does not matter how you get your baby(ies), just open all doors and see what happens. Be open if it helps you but zipped if not.

X


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## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

That sounds like wise advice kiwi_in_uk  ... I always like to 'open all doors' - you just don't know what fate has in store   x


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## silverbird (Aug 8, 2011)

I met my boyfriend between rounds of IVF.  I made the dession to cancel my next treatment I had that good a feeling about him  I couldn't face doing both treatment and dating someone I really thought could be long term at the same time.


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## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

I'm hoping to start dating again, but also worry about doing it while trying to conceive. I'm just going to keep the conception route on the quiet side and see what happens (not that there's anyone on the scene just yet!). There are men out there who are willing to date single mothers, and there must be a few willing to date a single pregnant lady, as weird as that may be! My friend met her husband while she was pregnant (baby's father was long gone) and 6 years on they are married with 2 more children together. It can happen!

I'm by no means looking for a father for my yet unconceived child, but I want to have a life of my own. My last date and the last time I had sex was over 2 years ago now, and I've been out of a serious relationship for nearly 4 years (time flies) so it's time to start again. If I meet someone special before I've conceived I may consider putting plans on the back burner but for now proceed with both


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Thanks for the replies - they have given me a bit of hope.

I love your storie Kiwi in uk - life moves in mysterious ways!


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

hi Heidi
so sorry you've had to cancel your trip! What on earth happened? Hopefully you get to go soon, sounds like you could do with a holiday!

I did actually go on a date whilst pregnant and still v bloated from OHSS. During our dinner (and quizzed about why I wasn't drinking) I did tell him I was pregnant, but felt ok about it as I met him to find a dancing partner and didn't really fancy him.
He made me laugh, explaining how he knocked up his ex wife the night they met!
Also he took my news well, and even kissed me at the end of our date.
However I felt it all moved a bit fast with this guy, and he seemed more interested in getting intimate than getting on the dance floor, so I didn't see him again.

But sure, I think especially when you first meet someone, they just have to accept you for who you are and where you're at, and it certainly takes the pressure off him to provide a solution to your family planning issues!

Another (Catholic) date told me (before I had IVF) that the thought of a co-parent in the picture may confuse a budding relationship, but he wasn't that hot either so I didn't care too much what he thought. However that was another valid input, it won't be an ideal scenario for every guy you meet.

Once the baby is older this means child-free time with your new squeeze, whilst co-daddy takes on the baby duties for a while, so that can only be a good thing!?

I met up with a friend recently who was left by her bf whilst pg, she is still heartbroken about him and not dating, but she wouldn't rule it out.

Just do what you feel is right - at the moment I am giving myself a bit of time to invite romance back into my life, I'm not 100% decided yet about the FET and wanted to give the universe (and match.com) a chance to send some love to me, so far I've had a few interesting dates and just having a laugh really.
The issue of TTC hasn't come up yet, although it may with a guy who's a daddy through IVF...

Keep us posted!x


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## Jessy71 (Mar 22, 2012)

Hi,

I am single and have 2 years old daughter from embryo donation. I had had the same thoughts and worries as you before I started getting pregnant. However, ever since my daughter was born, I really never regretted having her and not having sex and relationships. Once you hold your child in your arms, you realise that nothing in life will ever be more important to you as her own happiness and well being. It is strange, but my criteria has never been so high as they are now regarding the men. And no matter what other say, you are looking for someone that you will like, but you as well are looking for a father figure for your child. You just do not want any casual guy who might or might not be your longtime relationship meet your child. 

If I had to choose between children and relationships, that would be the easiest decision in my life.

Good luck!


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Jessy71 said:


> Hi,
> 
> Once you hold your child in your arms, you realise that nothing in life will ever be more important to you as her own happiness and well being. It is strange, but my criteria has never been so high as they are now regarding the men. And no matter what other say, you are looking for someone that you will like, but you as well are looking for a father figure for your child. You just do not want any casual guy who might or might not be your longtime relationship meet your child.
> 
> Good luck!


That's lovely  yes I have a nice feeling that all thoughts of men and relationships will go out the window once I'm pregnant which will be a relief to be honest bc I'm fed up thinking and worrying about them!

Broody - my flights from Scotland to London were cancelled then delayed and so I ended missing my flight to Thailand from London and couldn't afford a new return ticket so that was the end of my holiday  I was gutted. Am now in Prague instead for a few days - it's nice but not quite the relaxing tropical holiday I'd been looking forward to for so long ((


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Back to this topic!

I am due to start TTC with my coparent next week. I started a new job about a month ago and there is a guy there I have a major crush on and he's straight (unusual for a male nurse) and single. We just chat here and there and I get the impression he may like me but I'm not sure yet.

If I got pregnant then any chance I had with him would be blown  Plus I had a scan of my ovaries done yesterday as part of a research project and was told my follicle number was normal for my age. Part of me would like to wait a bit but I feel I can't back out now...


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Heidi
it's normal for your determination to wobble. Even if you were in a r'ship with your co-parent, part of you might think 'let's start trying after the summer/after Xmas... etc' as you can think of a million things (holidays, extreme sports, drinking, new jobs, whatever) you may want to 'get done' before you conceive.

Just have a try, and then you will see how easy/hard it might be for you to even get pregnant, and how you feel after your attempt: excited, scared, worried, hopeful, whatever. It is just so hard to guess in theory how it will all pan out.

But do not put your dreams on hold for a vague hope, and this guy may respect you more when you've followed your dreams. Not that many guys are actually put off getting involved with a pregnant woman, and it will show you his true colours. Or you may not even be interested in pursuing anything with him anyway, just take it easy as you may prefer curling up early on your sofa with a nice dinner and a movie once you are expecting!

I have felt similarly so I can relate to your thought process right now, but you'll be in a better position to get to know this guy when there isn't the pressure on him to father your kids, love you and all the rest.

It is great that there's someone you are interested in and who seems to reciprocate your feelings, but you know barely anything about him and he would never expect you to put your plans for a family on hold for a total stranger!?

By the way, I started chatting online to someone (we share some friends in common) and I was very honest with him from the start about my situation, which hasn't put him off in the slightest... time will tell, but please don't think that a pregnancy will 'blow it' for your chances of romance! xxxx


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Thanks Broody 

Everything you say is true - I think I'm just getting the wobbles!

It is nice to hear that men aren't put off by ladies who are TTC or already pregnant bc I thought it'd be a major turn off! What are your plan now? Are you going to go down the coparent route again?


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## silverbird (Aug 8, 2011)

Hi Hidie,

I did delay tcc to date a bloke   To be honest I felt getting pregant would blow my chances although there is no evidence that that would have been the case.

However I had only just met him, I knew he liked me and I knew he intended to ask me out again.

You need to do whats right for you.  what does your heart say?

Don't under go treatment if it's not the right time for you.  But is this guy really a excuse to put off what you want to do but are scared? How will you feel if he doesn't ask you out? How long have you known him? 

I guess this is what makes dating and single treatment so hard!


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## notamuggle (Jan 15, 2013)

I just got two messages on a dating site

One from someone called THROBBING! And one from someone called HURT HEART!


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Natasza79 said:


> I just got two messages on a dating site
> 
> One from someone called THROBBING! And one from someone called HURT HEART!


Lol good luck with that! Internet dating sucks.


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Natasza - really!??
OMFG.

The world has gone mad.

I have a few exciting developments to report: first of all, I virtually met a guy through a ******** group (which means we have something important in common), and we've been chatting every day for the past month or so. He even sent me flowers when he could tell I wasn't in a good mood one night.
I've not met him in person yet, but he comes to London this weekend!
To be honest, all his attention seems a bit OTT at times, and I have been a bit of a weirdo magnet in the past so I will wait and see, but part of me feels very excited to finally meet in person.
Him living in another town isn't ideal, but I like his energy, his voice (and he is very cute in his pictures).

Also been on a few online dates, not really 'clicked' with anyone but at least people have fairly normal user names and apart from one guy who banged on about absolute trivia for 2 hours and then didn't even pay for my lunch they have been OK.

Another guy has a weird fetish about wanting me to 'control' him, right now I am just having a laugh messaging him really - he seemed perfectly normal in person, but man, what a perv! LOL!
He is looking for a woman who he can support financially, which is fine by me, but I'd prefer an equal and not a slave.
It's a jungle out there...


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

That sounds exciting Broody! I hope it works out for you.

I'm off to meet my coparent and we are going to TTC (syringe method) for the first time. I really want a baby but this feels weird and is NOT how I imagined I'd conceive a child lol


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Good luck and lots of baby dust! Do try again in 2 days time. 
Are you using proseed and a cap to keep the sperm in? X


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Hi I'd love to try again in 2 days time but he lives 2 hours drive away and we work opposite shifts so we will prob only get to try once or twice a month 

I used conceive plus gel but no cap - just lay on my back for 30 mins after. I thing sperm that dribble out after that aren't worth saving anyway!

The whole thing was surprisingly simple and straight forward!

Remind me Broody - did you manage to conceive this way??


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Heidi

no, sadly I never conceived naturally again after my first ever attempt (with ex boyf) back in 2009 shortly after coming off the Pill...
Which is why I thought egg sharing/IVF was my best option to ensure that there was confirmed fertilization, an embryo, and that it went into the right place at the correct time.
None of my attempts in between (with ex fiance - 6 cycles, lifelong friend - 3 cycles and 2 co-parents - 4 cycles) worked, but it could have just been the timing and/or fate...

However, never say never! Do you know your AMH?
It must be so exciting but please remember not to get your hopes up too much, even in 'regular' couples our age it frequently takes 6 months plus, and that is for people who regularly have sex (2-3 times a week)...
Still, I am keeping my fingers and toes firmly crossed for you!
Don't forget your Pregnacare, and NO CAFFEINE!!

[I used my mooncup to keep things in place, and also rested for a while afterwards. Well in my case that made no difference to the BFN's 
Remember the power of positive visualization...]

If you can have another try this cycle (did you use ovu sticks or combination of the temperature method and cervical observation?), do, it should be worth it 

As for my current situation with my co-parent, I am going to update my thread in the Relationships section, do have a read and let me know your thoughts.

Excited now for my date this weekend!!
xxxxx


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