# I'm new & feeling real down - if you are feeling low then don't read this^



## moon_grrl (May 9, 2007)

Hi all, I'm new and finding life very difficult to cope with lately - even though my problems probably pale in comparison to other people's...Still, get ready for a long and depressing whinge:

I'm 30, my partner is 36 - neither of us have kids. I came off the pill last september and went to the gp in February because was not pregnant. If I was younger I would have given it longer, but I know that over the age of 25 things become more difficult. I had blood test which was basically normal (apparently LH was 'borderline' - high/low or what I don't know) but ultrasound showed 'probable' polycystic ovaries. I've booked myself some acupuncture already - haven't got time to waste waiting for NHS referral to come through then wait some more while they dither over the diagnosis. But have now found out that my partner's sperm analysis was not too good. The doc says it's not too bad either, but considering my problem he might as well be firing complete blanks, so feels like the odds are stacked against us.

Not sure how I'm supposed to carry on with things - I work in a place that resembles some kind of battery farm...everywhere I look there's another one flaunting her scans around without a care in the world (seriously, approx one every month manages to get knocked up, and yes, I have tried sitting on the 'pregnancy chair'!) and I don't even have the decency to feel happy for them - just angry and jealous.

I am a bitter, barren husk and feeling very, very low. I'm so sorry if this is all too dark and downbeat - but I am heartily sick of being told to 'cheer up' or 'be positive' - because neither of those things is going to bring me a baby. Although, if anyone has any ideas on how to be positive that would be really handy, as I am starting to have some very dark and intrusive thoughts that healthy/sane/normal people just don't have!

Thanks for reading and sorry again if I've said anything offensive/insensitive.
M xxx


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## Alley (Aug 13, 2006)

M

Don't worry about a negatie post - we've all done it. That is what this site is for.  There are so many of us who read you post and think 'don't worry honey, we know exactly what you are saying'. Really, we've all felt that cocktail of negative feelings, not able to muster up a smile for another pregnant colleague. 

I hope you find this site helpful. You will find threads that are completley relevant to you, and the more you chate the less alone you feel.

Good luck with starting out with your IF treatment

Love Alley


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## Pilchardcat (Feb 1, 2003)

Hey Moon

Welcome   Welcome to a place where everyone feels like you do (or do on & off at some points in their lives) so your not alone, you feelings are normal and this place is full of people that understand  

Hope you find this a place where you can let your thoughts out and get some great feedback & help from our members.

Wishing you luck in achieving your dream
Amanda  xx


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## blinky1010 (Apr 17, 2007)

Hi M
I haven't replied to many post but I thought You were in need of a pick me up.
I too have PCOS and DH has dodgy counts. We waited what seemed like a lifetime for some treatment, but in actual fact it was only a matter of months once we had been referred.
Anyway We - against the odds conceived on our first cycle of clomid and now have a beautiful 4 year old daughter. We have several friends and two cousins who also had to have various kinds of treatments for infertility and they all have children now. So there may be light at the end of the tunnel. I had acupuncture and although costly, I do believe it has helped me.
Keep Your chin up
CAZ


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## Miss_Moneypenny (May 6, 2007)

M

Welcome to the site and don't worry about your rant at all!   . I am at a similar stage to you and still in shock that in fact it isn't all that easy to fall pregnant! I now blame all those sex ed classes at school which practically led me to believe that even looking at a bloke would get me pregnant; and have meticulously practised safe sex for the last 5 years with my partner when it would have been far more beneficial to ttc all those years! 

How's your DH coping with all of this? My DP is complying with everything so far but I'm not sure he understands all too much about a women's baby making bits - he looks baffled half the time when I go on about my BBT and CM!!!

Keep in touch  

Sam
xxx


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## Foxys girl (Mar 17, 2007)

Hi M,

So sorry you are feeling down.  You've come to the right place for advice, consolation, understanding and the occasional bit of bossing around.  

Search the boards for the info you need and I'm sure some of the moderators with point you in the right direction for answers to your questions.

Don't beat yourself up over the feelings you have towards those ladies at work - many of us have been there to so we understand.

Good luck and I soon hope to see you posting and perhaps feeling a bit more positive.

Take care
FG


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## dakota (Feb 6, 2007)

M,

Hi hun, welcome to FF, This site is fantastic for support and information.

Its perfectly normal to feel how you do. Thers's nothing wrong with how your feeling, its totally normal. You have just found out you have problems and this will no doubt put you in an emotional state. Get DP on the vitamins they will help improve his sperm as well as improving your diets. 

This site is great if you want to have a moan or are unsure of anything. Have a good look round and feel free to post anywhere you like, you will be made very welcome  

Good luck on your journey

Huggles
Nikki xx


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## crazybabe (Apr 24, 2007)

Hi All

I know what you mean about feeling low and down, i am having one of those day's today too, i am waiting for my 1st IVF cycle after 3 unsuccessful IUI's and i sometimes think to myself, why us, i know it's easier said than done when people tell you not to worry and keep positive, but you can only stay positive for so long, fertility treatment is such an emotional rollercoster for DH and i as like probably all the people on FF especially when you want something so much and things don't always go the way you want it.  Well sorry if i have depressed you all but i feel better expressing my emotions.  I'm gonna have a nice drink of Horlicks now, watch MTV and go to bed!

Good luck to you all

xxxxxx

  

crazybabe


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## moon_grrl (May 9, 2007)

I thought I would reply to all of you at once to begin with - so thanks guys I do feel a bit better now, and my guts have stopped churning quite so much after reading your words of support. It means a lot to me so thanks again.

Will have to start really straining to get the positive thoughts going!  

xxxxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Moon_grrl and Babycraze - sending you both a   

Moon_grrl - the acupuncture will help lift your mood a little and could help your DH's swimmers improve too so you might want to consider booking him in for acupuncture too  

My Sister-in-law had PCOS and was concerned she might not fall pregnant without assistance but she did and quite easily as it happened, I also had a friend with PCOS who was told it was very unlikely she'd get pregnant but she's now got 2 children now. So please don't despair, you haven't been trying for that long, you are still young and your "probable" cystic ovaries doesn't mean you won't achieve your dream of a family. 

At times it seems like the whole world is pregnant and we all find it difficult to stick that grin on our face and be happy for those around us who seem to get pregnant at the drop of a hat. But you will get through this     and feel genuinely happy for many of them!

Wishing you every success,

Love CG xxx


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Hi *Moon Grrl*

 to Fertility Friends hunnie. As the girls have already said, you have come to the best place for advice, support, and most especially, understanding 

You would be very surprised to learn just how many of us could have written your post ourselves, myself included! Infertility is a rollercoaster of emotions, often with a lot more lows than highs, and when you are at the stage you are, first diagnosed and trying to come to terms with it, it can often seem like you will never be able to climb out of that pit of despair. You will though hun, honest you will. You will become a stronger person for it too - we are all here to help you and guide you through the next few months whilst you come to terms with your diagnosis 

I read your comments about work and the "pregnant" chair with wry amusement, as we have that self same "pregnancy chair" in my office too! As lots of the people at work are unaware of my situation I am often regaled with comments like "Tracy, be careful, you are sat in the pregnancy chair" if only they knew! Even if I glued my a"se to that chair I wouldnt be able to fall pregnant!!

Anyway honey, here are a few links for you to have a look at. Feel free to post wherever you like on the boards Moon Grrl, you will always be made most welcome, and will make lots of friends along the way 

For Starting Out & Diagnosis *CLICK HERE**

For PCOS CLICK HERE

For Inbetween Treatment CLICK HERE

For Complementary Therapies CLICK HERE

We also have a fantastic chatroom - it is often good to talk to people who really understand you  Every Friday night is NEWBIE NIGHT in the chatroom, and Dizzi Squirrel, Kate and I will be in there from 8pm to 9pm to show new members the ropes and answer any questions. I hope you can join us. Don't worry if you can't make it - if you want some help just send Dizzi Squirrel  or myself a personal message and we can arrange a short one2one session with you.



Take good care Moon grrl - be good to yourself and your DH, and please please try to get some of that positivity back          You are not alone honey, and we will do our best to help you

Love and 
Tracy
x*


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## jayaycee (May 13, 2007)

Hi,

Don't feel bad.  I have had the exact same feelings as you.  Just empty and sad.  I'm 34 and am definitely worried because of my age.  

Yes!  Don't you hate the words, "Be positive".  I've been trying to "Be positive" for the past 18 months, but that hasn't seemed to have worked, has it?

Just wanted you to know you're not alone.


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## jkw (May 5, 2007)

Hi moon_grrl!  

Don't worry about being down or negative, that's part of what makes ff so great - when we're feeling down, there is a great network of support and advice to help us feel better.

My situation is very similar to yours, and I'm still struggling to come to terms with everything and find the best way forward. I'll be starting on metformin soon, and we'll wait and see where we go from there. I too have sat in the 'pregnancy chair' with no luck - I often think I might have jinxed it! 

I hope your treatments are successful, and if you ever need to chat, I'm here for you. Hope to see you around soon!

J xx


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## anne39 (Apr 2, 2007)

Hi Moon Grl

I too have really down days and it is maddening when everyone around you is so oblivious to what is going on. About 6 years ago when we first started to try I was diagnosed with polcystic ovaries but had not other obvious symptoms of PCOS and responded ok to the stim drugs on 1st round. Intrestingly when I went private there were no polcystic ovaries to be seen (have since found out that I have immune issues)

I have found a few ways to up my mood and this generally revolves around taking control or at least taking steps that make me feel more in control of my destiny -- Acu does this (and calms me down), I also tried hypnotherapy / positive visualisation for a while after my M/C and that gave me a boost. Also planning my next cycle or holiday helps and then I know whyere I am. This approach doesn't work all the time of course and I have some really sad and sometimes angry days. 

Hope you start to feel better    
Sarah


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## Nix76 (Aug 2, 2006)

Hey Moon Girl,

Just wanted to  say hello and add to what all the other girls have said really - this site has been fantastic for me.  I recently had a BFN on my first clomid cycle and took it really badly - my DH was away and I really, honestly don't think I would've got through it (well I would obviously, but not as well !) without FF.  The support and advice you will get on here is amazing!

Am always here if you want to chat/rant/whatever !

Good luck hun  

Nix.


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## mirry71 (May 13, 2007)

Hey Moon_grrl
Just to say I know exactly how you feel.....I feel the same way (even resentful towards my own sister for having a baby which makes me feel awful)...and I wonder how I have turned into this bitter old hag. Am 36, ttc for 18 months; finally got an appt at ACU in July. And then- who knows? Am interested that you have tried acupuncture. I tried it for a bit last year but got nowhere. Does it help?
good luck
mirry x


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi moon_grrl and welcome to the site 

Sorry to hear of what you have been through but you have come to a fantasic site full of advice and support and you have been left some great links to try out.

I wish you loads of luck with everything.

Kate xx​


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## MummyP (Jan 24, 2007)

Hi Moon-grrl,

I'm so sorry you feel as you do, I could have written your last two paragraph's myself. However, after joining FF my dark days are less and my focus is far more determined. There will always be someone to share your troubles, I promise (PM me anytime).

Take care  MummuyP


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## shellc1979 (May 8, 2007)

HI THERE IM MICHELLE.
Me and my husband too were diagnosed with exactly the same going ons as you and your partner first they found my pcos i and  for weeks thought i was no good even left my partner so he could find someone worthy.
*BUTi soon realised that i needed him and had to think positive(yeah whatever).
Upon further tests found out boyf had low motility which made me feel abit better cos i knew it were not just me.
It then dawned that it would be harder to conceive we need icsi and the **** nhs system in bradford holds a 3/4 year waiting list so we decided to get married which we did last month to cheer us up and pass abit of time, we can nowhere near afford pvt treatment.
Anyway we have decided to seek info on egg sharing to fund tx and help others dont know if can yet due to my dodgy ovaries.
I went through the same thing as you even hating everyone else's kids and i love children it was cos i could not have my own people would sit there moaning about things and i thought just shut up you should try been me for a week. I'm the oldest being 27 of 3 girls both sisters younger and with 2 children each how unlucky am i.
The point of the story is i have my depressive days and want to cry and lock myself away but i just think everything happens for a reason and when its our turn to be graced with the little horrors we will be and until then we have to be thankful for life and the fact we have our partners and each other.
keep intouch  *


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