# Bad day



## gaia71 (Feb 16, 2013)

Title says it all really - I feel like I want to be a recluse sometimes because every time I go out there are reminders; pregnant women, prams, children on scooters/bikes - happy families (apparently) everywhere. I literally suffocated by it all. I can't even go for a quiet drink/coffee first thing in the morning without being surrounded by yummy mummies and daddies!!! Just want to run away and retreat to the safety of home. Yet, I hate being cooped up at home so staying in is not an option lol ... I know if I go pregnant and has a child I could and most probably be one of those women/families, but as long as I'm not blessed with a child all I feel is anger and resentment (not nice emotions)... I guess I'm just feeling low. GP not particularly supportive and often tries to remind me of the potential pitfalls/risks of older motherhood (thanks, I know love)... My NHS referral is taking for ever and I just want to get on with things (IVF) whilst worrying about how I'm going to cover the costs. Feeling rubbish today (probably PMT LOL). I just struggle to see other pregnant women with families and I'm scared I'm never going to have that. I'm living in an affluent area which does NOT help one bit  ... apologies for the rant. Breathe Gaia


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

yeah, i know.

it's very tough, and i am grieving for the life i 'should' have had. i'm socially isolated and scared that either i won't get to be a mum or that by the time i do my parents will be too old to enjoy it or need help themselves. i always thought i'd have a career *after* i did the mum thing but now it's too late... nobody is going to hire someone with no experience aged 60... and since the soonest i could have a baby is aged 43... i don't want to just spend my life complaining, i want to be able to enjoy the good things, but it all seems so shallow and futile. 
i get where you're at, gaia, i really do. 

i hope things turn around for both of us. x


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