# Bonding with baby.



## Jess1976 (Jul 15, 2011)

Hi guys. We are 31 weeks pregnant and I am beginning to panic about bonding with our baby.
I know the hospital encourages an hr of skin to skin with birth mom straight away but will I get an opprtunity to do the same? I am worried that I will miss out on that vital early bonding time and that it will be hrs after delivery before I get my time with baby.

My wife is planning on BF and again I have been reading up on lots of stories and things like cluster feeding and the time involved in it. Personally I think feeding time is great bonding time so how can I compensate with not feeding baby?

I guess I am feeling jealous that my wife already has a bond with baby and that will just continue on once babs is here but I worry that me and baby wont have the same bonding time or experiences. 
How many weeks did people wait to express so partner could feed?
Feel free to slap me, im just panicking a bit at mo and im sure it will pass.


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## DaisyMaisy (Jan 9, 2011)

Hi. Totally different situation, but our twins were born via surrogacy and I was really worried about bonding. You read so much about the importance of skin to skin contact just after birth. We didn't see them until an hour after birth and as they were premmie, and couldn't  hold them straight away. Ds was 3 days old before we could have a cuddle.

However, we have all bonded fine. They now look for me when I'm not near by, abd the smiles I get in the morning are amazing! I really think bonding just happens. Your baby will know who you are. Ds is more cuddly than dd and we got to hold her lots first.

Good luck with the remainder of your pg.

Xxx


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## Pinktink (Dec 17, 2008)

What happens after the birth of your baby is totally up to you and your partner. I am a midwife and quite often birth mothers may not be able to have immediate skin to skin (feeling unwell, stitches etc) so often I find partners have it first but it's totally up to you to decide what you want to do and you can write that into your birth plan or just tell your midwife.

From a non-bio mum pov I won't say I haven't had some moments of envy but my son is totally mine and our bonding was different and my relationship with him is different to dw but no better or worse - I would say most of the differences are more that my dw stays  at home and I go to work

I think at first I struggled a little to find 'my place' there is a trodden path for bio mum and dads but it wasn't until I realised I had to define our relationship that I felt better and now I absolutely love being a mum. I think I felt at first we should 'be the same' or I would be less important but that isn't true and Stanley needs different things from us the same way he would from Hetero parents. Dw breast fed for over 2 years and I never fed bottles - got involved when food happened though - the benefits of bf were too important to us but there are plenty of baths, changes, cuddles etc

Just give yourself time to get to know him/her and the rest does fall into place 

X


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## Jess1976 (Jul 15, 2011)

Thanks guys, I appreciate the replies.
I am just having one of those panic weeks. I was the one who wanted to be pregnant but unfortunately that wasnt meant to be so I guess jealousy is playing a part in my worries about bonding with the baby.

I know deep down it will fall into place for us and I just need to let go of my worries and wait for baby to arrive.


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## welshginge (Jul 12, 2009)

Hi. I'm bio mum but didn't see my son for hours after he was born because he was a 34 weeker & was in NICU. When I did see him that day it was for half an hour but we bonded fine. For that time I wasn't with him DW was, but no skin to skin. She didn't do skin to skin til he was home 3 weeks later, he adores his mummy & runs arond the bed in the morning to see her first. You will bond because he/she will know you love them.


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## edroses (Aug 30, 2013)

I totally understand the panic. But, maybe it's just that: panic. Even if you don't get those bonding moments with baby, there are plenty of others. You will get to feeding, bathing, bed time etc. Bonding happens to naturally and you'll both have your chances to do so with baby. Of course, it is hard not being bio-mom sometimes, but I'm sure you'll find plenty of other benefits. Just make sure you get your time with baby when you bring him home. Best of luck!


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## mrsww (Sep 1, 2013)

I'd recommend taking a course with international association of infant massage as they promote bonding and it will also give you ideas about spending one on one time with baby.


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