# BFN/Waiting for next cycle chatter pt3



## Shellebell

Happy 


Remember although we don't mind you staying in contact and support your mates on here, we ask that no cycle or BFP chatter takes please on this thread Ta Muchley


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## yogabunny

just checking in to our new home  

Cornish - really interesting to hear your experience, I think it probably happens to many more women than they publicise. ALtho one of the girls on the cycle thread said that was what she was planning to do, freeze all and then do a FET. it wasn't an outcome that I had read about at all, I was borderline to go ahead, and have some moments where I think I should have downplayed the OHSS -  I have to remember that at the time I didn't think my body could deal with any more, and they said it would be four times as bad if I got BFP, I decided that wouldn't be a good thing for a pregnancy even if i was lucky enough to get that far. At that point I knew nothing much about FET so didn't think about the fact that it might reduce my chances. I have to think that this is the right way and everything happens for a reason... 

update - Just back from weekend with parents and sister's family, DH working away for 1 week with Elbow, and I miss him so much. London tomorrow evening, working at a friend's event and staying at another friends for the rest of the week. Should make the time go quicker for my next appointment on 6th December with the nurses.

Hope everyone is doing ok, I am definitely going to get the christmas decorations out next weekend for start of december, some sparkliness def needed.


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## Vickytick

*Mogster* it certainly gets tough and sometimes I jut want to escape it all. People have no idea about what we go through and say he most inappropriate things. I always think of what to say after the event...lol then I have great ideas.

I never get enough eggs to freeze so its fresh cycle every time so can't offer any words of wisdom here. Best of luck though.

It's quite quiet on here hope everyone has found our new home.

I'm waiting for Barts to come back can see a bit of chasing to tomorrow. Xx


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## Mooncat

Hey all,

I’ve been quiet for a few days, after quite a lot of incomprehensible babbling last week! Think I was definitely in shock after the BFN…

Cornish and Yogabunny – I’ve been wondering about OHSS too. My blood results and scans showed I had it, but I felt fine, apart from a bit of bloating and tenderness. I definitely didn’t have bad symptoms, but I do wonder whether my view of ‘fine’ has been clouded by the endometriosis pain I’ve suffered with for the past few years. That’s easily the worst pain I’ve ever felt, and in comparison a bit of belly discomfort was nothing. My transfer went ahead, but I got a BFN. I do wonder whether the OHSS was a factor 

Anyway, I’ve got appointment with consultant on 11th December to talk about next steps. Have four frosties, so FET in January is likely to be what we agree. Slightly lower chance of success, but also less harsh on the body and no OHSS to contend with, so feeling quite positive about it.

In the meantime, back to normal – got two weddings and a weekend in London this side of Christmas, plus the usual Christmas dos and a couple of theatre trips, so lots to keep me occupied. It’s never been my favourite time of year, and I find it particularly hard since struggling with fertility issues, but determined to stay strong and enjoy it this year!


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## Doris83

Hi, do you mind if I join you?

We had our first icsi cycle earlier this year, unfortunately bfn, and I'm currently halfway through a 6 month course of prostap to try and keep my endo under control while we save for our next cycle.

I could do with a place to rant when I'm feeling like I hate the whole world!!

X


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## Crimsonrose

Hi everyone.

Sorry not been in for ages, hubby being hogging computer so I have only had limited access but he has now got a contract so he has gone back out to work leaving me home alone again to get back into my usual daily routine.

*Yogabunny,* I have finally decided, I think, and I am planning on having a FET this time, but mine will be January, nurses consultation 31st December. Really hoping it works out for you this time, failure just isn't fair is it.. we deserve some good now!! Hope you're having a nice time in London, defo agree to its better keeping busy!!!

*Mooncat,* how are you? Exercise sounds good, I think I will try that, have been fancying a run in the park for quite some time now however I can't run for life in me but you start small don't you run 2 mins, walk 2 mins&#8230; Anyway hope your ok and sorry to hear about your work colleague, just think hopefully that will be us one day, don't loose hope just yet, there's always hope, nobody can take that away from us!! I'm going to be having a FET in January too so we will be cycle buddies again!! Lets just try keep busy now up until then and time will fly, sounds like you got it sussed, lots of stuff on!!

*Mogster,* hope the research is going well, I been doing a lot of that over the weeks too, my head hurts now though so think I will stop, it can get a bit mind boggling after a while!!! Have you looked at the ARGC clinic in London? The rates there look so good so I'm considering re locating temporarily for them next year if FET unsuccessful.

*Vickytick,* thanks for your reply. Think if you were to go for surrogate you would want someone you didn't know wouldn't you not a relative.. Have you been watching corrie? I can't see that story ending well with Tina, however I could be wrong&#8230; Taking a break sounds like a good idea, you have done so well to stay sane after all that, I am struggling and I've only had the one cycle!!

*Cornishgirl,* yes my friends timing did seem a bit out, I feel a bit bitter about that but I got to snap out of it and hope to god that next time I will have better news.. Hope the appointment went well, did they manage to freeze some?

*Doris, Rocky,* welcome and sorry to hear about your BFN, rant as much as you like here, we are all going through the same thing so know very well how you are feeling, it's a cruel world isn't it but I found this forum and its helping so much xx

*AFM*, Spoke to hubby other day about getting a job, my husband is currently a contractor and likes me to take care of things at home rather than go out to work, so basically I'm a housewife but I am starting to wonder whether going out to work somewhere would help me put things behind me as I got a lot of thinking time of my hands at the moment, hubby seems dead against it though, says to just relax and get myself ready for the next treatment, he thinks it will stress me out working.

I have kind of gone into myself over the last week and don't seem to want to face any of my friends as know what its going to be like, baby talk, baby cuddles, etc.. Thing is I hate feeling like this so should I just ignore myself and push myself out there? My friends don't seem to realise how hard it's been for me and are just carrying on as normal with their normal happy family life's which I'm cool with but I am just unsure whether I want to face them and their happy family life's.. I sound truly awful but I'm just feeling cut up at the moment and hard done by&#8230; I sometimes wonder how my friends would have coped if it had been the other way round.

Sorry for rant, just not been feeling myself these last few days, just want to feel better now, sick of feeling like this.. Hope I snap out of it soon xx


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## Mooncat

*Rocky* and *Doris*, sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here, but welcome to the thread. I've only been on here for a week since me BFN, but I've found it's really helped me to get myself together 

*Crimson* I'm ok ta, been feeling a bit down again the last couple of days, but to be expected. I definitely recommend exercise, I can't run either but I really enjoy my little trots - headphones in, pound it out, v good for getting rid of stress  Immediately after the BFN all hope disapppeared for me, but it's slowly returning. I'm sure 2013 is going to be another tough year, but it might just bring the news we so desperately want at some point


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## Mogster

Just a quick one to say hi and welcome to *Rocky1*. I was on the other thread so know how you feel and how hard it is to carry on.

Will post again when I have more time


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## set55

hi ladies 
not been on for a while as nothing to report.  Met a friend for lunch today who is home for a few days and she brought her 9month old with her.  I have to say unlike many of you ladies on here i am quite the opposite and loved seeing the baby giving him cuddles and watching his every move.  They say that it can help your hormones if u are around babies.  It doesn't really bother me but then it doesn't happen very often. 
After 2 months we finally have our review next tues we will see what they say.

ta ra
set


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## Doris83

Thank you crimson and mooncat, it's been over 6 months now since our bfn, and I was coping quite well until recently, 4 women at work have announced they are pregnant as many weeks, so I'm surrounded by baby talk. I'm trying my best bit to be bitter but finding it really hard


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## Doris83

*meant to say not to be bitter!!


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## lisasimon1

Hi Sorry could anyone just tell me if 6dp 5dt is too early toi test?


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## Crimsonrose

Lisasimon, way too early, don't do it, wait at least another week, have you found the ladies in waiting 2ww thread? Its very good..

Doris, oh sorry to hear that, I don't have the problem with work but one of my best friends did announce that she was pregnant smack in the middle of my treatment so hoped even more it would work so that we could go through it together, sadly it wasn't to be and now I have to see her so happy and counting down the days, getting bigger and bigger, so kind of avoiding her as I just can't face it... I feel a bit selfish like but I feel I just need a bit of time to get my head around everything, it 2wks today since my official bfn and I am still struggling but going to try and get out a bit more which will hopefully help if not a lot then maybe a little xx

Set, good that your feeling ok, wish I could be like you but I find it so difficult, what's the secret?

Mooncat, I'm being lazy, need some motivation, going shopping this afternoon, then day out in Huddersfield tomorrow to visit my dads grave, lost him last year, was so hard, and now this, is there a god, cos he seems to have forgotten about me... Maybe some running in park early next week xx


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## Mooncat

Doris - Sorry to hear your situation. Other people's pregancies is something people mention a lot on here. It's really hard, and it's natural to feel bitter. Over the past three years I've shed tears on pregnancy announcements from my sister, both sister in laws, my two bridesmaids (both now had two in three years) and countless other friends. We've had six weddings this year, so waiting for the baby announcements to start coming from those. It's horrible, but don't beat yourself up for feeling that way, it definitely doesn't make you a bad person! Take yourself away from it when you need to, and vent on here - everyone understands 

Crimson - You have been dealt some cr*p haven't you chick?   Unfortunately bad things happen to lovely people, the only thing we have any control over is how we react to the bad times. Easier said than done, but try to keep your chin up and focus on the positive stuff in your life. I definitely find exercise helps me, hard to get motivated, but you won't regret it!


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## yogabunny

Doris - welcome,  sorry to hear your news, you can come on here and let out your feelings anytime, we all understand where you are coming from.

Crimson - so sorry to hear about your Dad, so hard, you are definitely due some good luck and let's hope 2013 is going to be good one for us all. I think a part time job something not stressful with nice people would be lovely, help keep your mind off it, easier said than done to find something maybe! I wasn't taking on any work during last cycle to avoid stress and I think too much thinking time with those hormones sent me a bit lala!!!   
Are you still thinking FET? I am starting to feel excited about it now, although probably a bit silly having to be a no drinker and healthy eater over christmas!! already had a couple of nights of too much wine, so going to have to get back on my healthy eating/yoga routine. 

Mooncat - I agree exercise and healthy-ish eating keeps my positivity up. When it's dark and cold it is much harder to get motivated, but you're right it is always worth it. Hope you are feeling a bit better.  

Set - your review should come round nice and quickly now, good luck for it let us know what they say. i agree, i love being with friends and family's babies i get real joy from that, but i find the baby talk with strangers and acquaintances difficult, i don't want to tell everyone about ivf, but it is hard to put on the brave face all the time through the announcements and the questions.

Rocky - hello   so sorry to hear your BFN. Hope you are feeling a bit stronger every day.  

Vickytick - any word from st barts? did you manage to chase them up?

love to everyone else  

afm - spent most of the this week in London, very busy, really good for me! My friend spoilt me and took me for pre-birthday dinner, and I also worked for an old friend and colleague at an event the last two days who is such a sweetheart and had a really good laugh. I've got some new work next week that is going to keep me very busy and also help me buy my christmas pressies as I was getting skint! All feels like it is going in the right direction.... I did have to talk babies to the other ladies who were working at this event, which was hard, because i join in and then i feel like a fraud because I am not telling them the whole story. But I just got on with it and they were really nice so I was proud of myself. xxx


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## noelke81

Good evening all,

Can I butt in on this thread?
Had BFN on our first IVF cycle probably due to poor quality eggs (not confirmed, but pretty sure). Had the longest stimming period known to the clinic ever!
Waiting for follow-up on the 9th of January.

have a nice evening all,

noel
x


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## yogabunny

hi rocky - yes we were on the cycle buddy thread together, it seemed such a lucky thread was a shock when we weren't all getting a BFP    So hard to know how many people to tell isn't it, I know I wish I had told more people so my behaviour didn't seem so weird, but then you have to update them all if there is bad news, so there are pros and cons. Enjoy your weekend and take monday as it comes, I'm sure it will be fine and once it is over you don;t have to worry about it anymore.  

Hey Noel, sorry to hear your news. January will come quickly, christmas can hopefullly distract you, and hopefully they can get to the bottom of it for you. xx  

Have a good weekend everyone. x


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## Mogster

Hi All

*Noel* welcome  I remember you from the other thread. How are you doing? It's not as busy on this thread but it's great for advice.

How is everyone? I'm feeling low and fed up of seeing kids and pregnant people.

Off to clinic for follow up this wk so may have more info about the future.

Have a good weekend


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## Vickytick

Hi ladies and welcome to our newbies this is a great thread 

It's. tough time of year and I'm seeing all these people on my previous thread buy first Xmas stuff and its not me. To top it all my dh ex has given birth this week to her third child again around my due date. This is now the second time she's been pg at the same time as me but I've mc ( its hard as my 7yr ss will be going on about it which he can't help but it's hard.

*set55* I think I'd find it easier if I had a baby to cuddle but no one I knows has a baby sign of my age I think everyone had theirs years ago. The puppy is a good substitute and I tell him all the time he's my baby  

*crimsonrose* I only work a few hours a week as its hard to do ttc and work I just used to stress about time off. The job is a world away from my career but it gets me to meet others and not spend my life looking up on the Internet.

*afm* filling the forms for adoption, had blood tests for Barts so fingers crossed its jan start but no news from st Mary's even my referral hosp can't get a response....

Hope everyone enjoys the weekend. Xx


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## Nosilab

Hi all

Thought it'd gone quiet on this thread, then just realised we've moved and now have a new home    and here you all are!  As I've not been on for a while I'm trying to catch up again with posts.  Will try and do personals later.

Hello and welcome to all the new ladies, and so very sorry to hear about your BFNs  

xxx


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## yogabunny

Just need to post and get my sad feelings out .... Had a bitter sweet night yesterday. lots more people at friends house than i expected, lots of mums which can make you feel like an outsider and even the one couple that were there and know about the ivf, who are great friends and are also on an ivf journey made me feel they were better with the kids than me and so more deserving. why do i doubt myself, i know i would be a good mamma, but somehow my confidence seems to be knocked in more ways than i even knew.   just one of those days I guess -  It's my birthday tomorrow, and DH is back from working away so hopefully will get some joy back. xx


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## Mogster

Ah *Yogabunny* feel for you. I know how you feel. I don't know you but putting yourself through IVF shows how determind you are to start the journey of being a parent. Keep your chin up and have a lovely birthday. Fingers crossed your FET going ahead soon and you get the positive result you deserve. I've promised myself if I'm ever lucky enough to become a mum that I'll never act like I'm the best or rub everyone's nose in the fact that I'm pregnant or a mum.

Take care everyone x


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## Finky1983

Hi everyone, 

Yoga bunny I completely understand but like mogster said we wouldn't put ourselves through this pain of ivf if we didn't think we would be good parents and really want this. 

AFM, just when I thought I was coping with the BFN, I still can't come to terms with my sister in laws baby. I haven't spoken to her since she had the baby as she lives abroad. Last night she skyped me and my DH and as soon as I heard the baby in the background I just couldn't talk to her and went upstairs and cried. I felt awful after as bless my DH he always makes excuses that I am busy, I don't think it helps that DH family know about it all and haven't once asked me how we are feeling, they think if they don't talk about it, it will be ok and we don't want to, but I would actually like them to ask me how I feel, not just ignore and talk baby talk about our nephew, I find that worse. Sorry just had to rant. God knows what I am gonna do when she visits for a month in January he fully I will be over it then, but I doubt it.


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## deblovescats

hi again nosi!
i know what you mean yoga and finky
it's hard this time of year - in my job i work with families with young children/babies and the mums are all talking about xmas presents etc, also when they talk about how hard it is (so do colleagues ) i want to scream - how hard do you think it is for those of us who aren't mums! i get so angry sometimes - society makes out it's hard for parents yet they get the tax credits, parental leave, maternity leave - those of us without kids haven't benefited from any of this, yet we pay taxes to make it happen for everyone else! 
sorry to sound so negative - i find it hard this time of year
lets hope this time next year, we're all waiting for our little on'es first xmas! 
i'm moving ahead and planning on tx in jan/feb at serum in athens
Deb


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## noelke81

good morning all,

Vickytic - are you just starting the adoption process? Tell me more about it because I have no idea what do you need for that. The only thing I heard that it takes years and years... Why do you need a blood test? What did you have to do to start the process?

yogabunny -   bless you, I know it's hard but hang on in there! Oh and   happy birthday! Try to enjoy it!

finky -   I'm the same when it comes to talk about my treatment or well more like not to talk about it... are they going to stay with you when they come? 

AFM - AF is gone so had some   with DH. First time since the BFN result. Gotta move on and hope for the best! Still avoiding to talk about my feelings and still haven't cried, I think it's for the best... concentrating on work at the mo helps to take my mind off things.

Have a good week everyone!

noel
x


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## Mooncat

Yogabunny – Happy birthday chick   Hope you manage to have a good day. I think this is the way it goes, you had a good week last week, so Saturday night was just a little blip. You’re very brave going out and facing so many people, particularly group of female friends, when you know babies will be a conversation topic. I’m still only seeing selected friends individually, haven’t felt up to big social gatherings. I’m sure you’ll pick yourself up again  Imagine you’re getting a bit nervous about the treatment too     for that. 

Finky – Other people’s babies… so incredibly hard to deal with  I think we've all been there, and I don't think anyone has an answer for how to deal with it. Sounds like you did the right thing though, if you need to take yourself away, do it. Hopefully you'll be feeling a bit stronger and more positive by the time January comes round 

Good weekend for me. Spent Friday evening with my big sis, nice pottering day on Saturday, then met up with some friends for lunch yesterday, another couple. They know about the IVF, she’s American so was quite blunt in asking for details. I don’t mind discussing, but not sure other diners in the pub appreciated hearing talk of injections, egg collection and pessaries as they ate their lunch! Anyway, definitely feeling better for now, hope I can hang onto this feeling!


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## Nosilab

Hi Deb, so pleased you're still planning your next tx for Jan/Feb time, that's brilliant news!  Not long to go now!

Happy birthday Yogabunny   hope you've had a good day?  I know it's hard but try not to worry too much about Saturday, you've been through so much and tx can really take it out of you and put your emotions through the wringer!  So feeling as though the other couple are 'more deserving' is probably just because you're feeling a wee bit fragile at the mo, and lacking a bit of 'oomph' and self confidence.  Believe in yourself and believe that of course you'll be the most amazing mummy, of course you will be, you've been through so much to get your precious little gift  

Finky, what a really hard situation for you, sometimes technology can be the best thing ever and other times it seems like a curse!  Don't be hard on yourself for the tears over your SILs baby, it's only natural to feel that way.  Try not to fret too much about the January visit just yet, take it as it comes.  Will they be staying with you when they visit?

Big hello to everyone


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## yogabunny

thank you ladies for birthday wishes and it really helps so much seeing these supportive messages. i think i may have been a bit ambitious on saturday night but to be honest i thought there were only 3 other couples and there were about 10! 

how is everyone feeling about the royal announcement??!! 

mooncat - glad you're feeling better and had a good weekend! probably we should all be more american, it can be good to just say it all out loud, maybe not the bum bullets though!

noel - some good loving is definitely needed to move on! glad you have some distractions at work, but you don't always have to be strong you know  

deb - i know, there is a lot to support parents, i am pleased i am getting nhs ivf funding it makes my tax bill feel a bit fairer! excited to hear about how your journey goes with serum, are you doing hidden c etc tests with them?

finky - i feel for you, new babies are hard, my cousin has just had a baby which will be over from oz in march, she is ivf baby, second cycle, everyone is obsessed with the latest addition! maybe you or dh need to mention that it is not always easy to hear too much baby talk, so hard to get that conversation right though... i do think that ivf is seen as successful these days and people don't realise or appreciate that it is not 100% success rate and is very full on physically as well as emotionally for you. take it a step at a time, lets hope december will give you time to be stronger 

mogster - whens your follow up? my appt is on thursday. yes i agree, i really hope that if i am blessed, i will not be posting scans on ********, or being a competitive alpha mum, but sometimes people don't have anything else to talk about and so i would try to be balanced too so that i can talk about other things

vicktick - that is hard, you don't need the ex factor, what a horrible co-incidence her pg dates... is ss with you through xmas day?... i hope you've heard back from st barts xx

beth - just read your post, made me chuckle as i can imagine you shouting at the tv!! i don't follow corrie but was rewatching cold feet and was annoyed at the first time success story!!!

hope everyone else is good, crimson, rocky, doris, set, and everyone else  

out for dinner soon, looking forward to it xxx


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## Vickytick

*bethholm*totally agree with you. The whole jut having et was wrong there wasn't mention of syncing cycles or either one injecting and ec seemed walk the park - ridiculous. I refuse to watch why with that and th husband battterer bit.

*yogabunny*   hope you are feeling a bit happier today hunnie. We all start o doubt our parental abilities as though if is a omen or something. Lots of  your way. Yes ss with us Xmas day even dh has avoided calling his son as he lent want to hear all about it. I would love for once if Kate had had issues getting pg o highlight to the world but no as happens in the perfect life she gets pg easily. 

*finky* not sue how'll ill cope when my sil tells me she's pg as keep expecting her to. Dh family don't pay any interest in our if but would go doolaly if she had a baby. Was same with wedding ours was practically ignored but hers you'd think was a royal one. It might be easier in the new year as Xmas always makes us feel worse.

*noel* I've got three things on the go. Initial adoption process, waiting for IVF and mc clinic. The bloods were for ivf but you o need a medical for adoption. it's our last nhs IVF cycle and we decided if it was July wed go straight to adoption and forgoe the cycle as I'm 39 in feb and we want to be parents sooner rather than later. If we leave it too long we will be too old. Hopefully Barts can do our cycle in jan then if it fails we go to adoption in June. We're completing the forms now and will have a sw visit in jan. the whole process should tke months but once your approved finding a match with a child can take a long time.

 to everyone else. Xx


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## Nosilab

Hmmm, Yogabunny, just heard the 'Royal announcement' this eve! This is going to make me sound like a really evil cow, and not that I would wish IF on _anyone_, but there was an teeny part of me that thought they may have probs ttc and because they're so high profile it would really bring IF into the limelight, but no, as predicted just after a year of marriage they're expecting. Mind you, even if they had experienced IF I think in reality it would have been kept very hush hush, I'm sure the other Royals would have felt 'ashamed' by it all......


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## deblovescats

glad to see you around nosi - i'm with you on the royal announcement. One of my colleagues (so insensitive) gave me the glad tidings and said i'm sure they'll have beautiful babies!!! do i need to hear this? it would be good for problems TTC to be more publicly aware, Mind you, I'm surprised she wasn't pregnant before because the royals do try to get started immediately! i felt like a *****, but i don't want to see the progress of her pregnancy in the press while undergoing tx! also, we found today at work, one of our hygienically challenged, hopeless mums is pregnant - first baby only 6 months!!! so unfair!
also, i'm with beth and vicky with Tina's IVF! Would be good to see on TV struggles people have! it doesn't make other viewers realise how difificult it is! and the odds - first time lucky!!! 
Deb


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## Crimsonrose

Hi everyone. 

I saw the news last night and thought I may be going a bit mad when I felt my heart sink a little, I was like snap out of it but after reading all your messages I feel normal now.. I had a feeling they may of been experiencing problems as it was showing clips from over the last year and in one clip she has chosen to drink water rather than wine/champagne, but anyway doesn't sound like they've had any problems so I've been wrong, I also thought with the time scale they could of been problems as most royals get you know straight away but Kate seemed to be taking a bit of time, probably just wanted to relax for a bit though... if they have had problems then they've kept it hush hush!!

Doesn't sound like she is having an easy time of it though, in hospital like, although I would go through it in a heartbeat, sure she will have all the best docs and nurses tucking her in


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## Finky1983

As if it isn't bad enough for us all, Kate Middleton is on every tv, radio and newspaper. I am with you girls, when they were talking about it last week, I was hoping they would have problems too and at least it would show everyone how difficult it is as everyone including my parents etc think now adays it is so easy with ivf, how they are so wrong. So just when we are all trying to come t terms with family and friends being pregnant we now can't even enjoy our fav daytime tv programmes without it all being about Kate and wills. Arghhhhhh


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## set55

Hi Ladies
Been to my review today and just confirmed what we had thought.  Everything points to poor egg quality. I guess i wanted an answer as to why two cycles exactly the same could be so different in terms of eggs collected and fert but they said there just isn't an anwer and although i had 4 fert eggs on cycle 2 nobody can know for sure the morphology of them which may be why they didn't implant so its bad eggs all the way.  I'm not surprised i expected it.  But still don't know what to do
VickyTick like yourself i don't want to get too old to adopt if that is what we need to do.
But we may go for one last cycle which would be donor eggs.  Some other tests were suggested Nk killer cells tests and a biopsy at a cost of £700 but they are very much on the research side of things and would not be conclusive as to why cycles fail so i don't know about them really.  I don't even know whether to change clinics or not.  I've been at the same one all the time and i like it and they focus on putting money back into research and not fancy frills in the clinic but there is another clinic about the same distance away that has slightly better results for donor eggs so again?
So i came out today with more questions than answers and at the same time i don't feel ready to do another cycle just yet but perhaps waiting up to a year for donor eggs is too long (the other clinic boasts hardly any waiting time).


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## noelke81

good evening all,

I must be only one in this country who didn't know about the royal announcement... mind you I don't watch the news or any daytime telly and don't read the newspapers either... I thought she would get pregnant sooner but it proves that even royals can't always get what they want. I'm well jealous of her altho it's nice but just had enough of people falling pg around me. No more pls! It really is my turn now!   Already fed up with the whole waiting for the next treatment and my follow-up is not even till January! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr need to punch mother nature hard in her face!

Sorry, in a bad mood today...


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## yogabunny

set - sorry you didn't get all the answers, i hope someone on here with more experience, maybe in one of the other threads can help, are you funding yourself? so many options, i feel for you trying to decide your next steps. maybe you will find someone on ff who went to the other clinic you are thinking of.  

i know what you mean, i'm pleased for k and w, but also dreading the constant news that will be happening now, best not to watch it, will take a leaf out of your book noel. 
me too inside kind of hoped that their journey might have been less easy and highlighted fertility issues, that would be pretty tough under the spotlight, but might make people think. in a way its good that her HG issues are bringing that to the attention of media. i will hope   that we are all part of the royal baby boom in 2013 xxxx !!!

i'm working hard this week on a bit of freelance work, great to be distracted, but am so glad i am not at my last full time stress head job anymore! easier to be happy and healthy now, and i've got to be better shape for tx from it.


----------



## deblovescats

hi girls - its snowing here ! looks very beautiful outside but i've got to go and do my visits and baby clinic so not happy about travelling! 
my two cats have the right idea - curled up inside!
like all of you, I'm dreading the constant media focus on Kate's pregnancy - i mean, do we need to get a daily review of it all - i'm trying to keep away from the news items,, and if i get a glimpse on TV, i turn over! sound so mean, but i think the pregnancy just shows up what we're all msising
i agree - lets hope we all get to share in the royal baby boom!
Deb


----------



## noelke81

good morning all,

Sorry about the moody post yesterday...  

I woke up today to find it was snowing  Not so good for business but oh well, not much I can do. It looks nice nevertheless and I hope we will have a white xmas.

have a good day all and keep warm  

noel
x


----------



## Nosilab

Morning ladies

Just been catching up with all your comments and phew! Glad it's not just me feeling a bit    about Kate's pg news.  It's gonna be all over the media for the next 9 months!!!  I mean, I am happy for them and I hope all's well, but c'mon how many other pg women in the UK suffer with morning sickness - erm most of them!! Do we really need it splashed across the media every single day?!?!    Plus, most 'normal' partners wouldn't be allowed 'special leave' to be by the side of the woman - but Will is allowed to do this.  The whole hype thing is driving me a bit mad already - talk about being over the top - women go through this every day and still have to get one with their day to day lives!!!!!  

Noel, I think you definitely have the right idea, I think avoiding news where ever poss is the way forward!  Pls don't apologise for your post, it's good to get it off your chest and have a good old rant!  You have snow - wow!!!

Deb, can't believe you have snow too!!! How exciting (but not, it you have to travel!).  Guessing you're up North then??  You saying about your 2 cats has reminded me that I forgot to tell you that I have 2 new fur babies (cats) yippee!!

Set, sorry to hear about your news, it's a lot to take in.  Take your time to get your head around it all and I hope you come to a decision that you feel happy with v soon  

Afm, my bf had her baby yesterday morning, got the text yesterday pm - so have been feeling a bit down in the dumps again    Hate saying it, but I feel very envious of her again and I have that horrible sinking/sad feeling in my stomach again......the one saving grace is that it's happened now and not Christmas eve as expected.

xx


----------



## Mooncat

Morning all! Thought of you ladies straight away when I heard the royal announcement… everyone else was oh so delighted, I felt my heart sink – knew you’d all be the same! Actually really hope everything goes ok for them, I’m sure they didn’t intend to make the announcement this early, but events forced them into it. The press are driving me nuts already though, with their pointless speculation just to create a news story 

Nosilab – Hugs  Think we all know that feeling. It helps me to remind myself that I’m not alone – there are lots of us struggling with this, people’s lives take different paths, and things definitely don’t always go the way we plan them. But be thankful for your lovely husband, family, friends… all the good things in your life  I know it’s really painful at the moment, but things will work out for all of us, one way or another. I have a favourite saying: ‘It’ll all be alright in the end, so if it’s not alright, then it’s not yet the end.’ Hope 2013 is a good year for you 

Busy time coming up for me – SIL gets married on Saturday, so big family do. Looking forward to it, just hope I’m up to such a big and emotional event. Fortunately it’s a ‘no children’ affair, apart from their daughter and my other SIL’s son. We’ve got their little girl overnight, so they can have the wedding night to themselves! Hopefully be ok, she’s two and a half and fabulous. Though she usually rises at 6.30am (yikes), but at least it’s a good excuse not to drink much! I will be having a glass or two of champers though – will be off the wagon slightly between now and new year


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Mooncat

Thank you for your lovely kind words, that means a lot    You're absolutely right though, I do have to remember I have my wonderful DH and family around me.  I love your saying by the way, thanks for sharing xx

Hope you manage to cope with the wedding this weekend and have a wonderful time.  Fab news that it's a 'no children' event....for once, they are rare these days


----------



## Mooncat

Thanks Nosilab, I’m feeling good at the moment, and excited at the prospect of having some fun! Definitely helps that there’s no kids, hopefully all the parents will want to make the most of a day away from their little ones and not talk about them too much 

That saying is from a film, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. In the film they say it’s an old Indian proverb, don’t know whether it really is, or whether they just made it up, but either way, it’s my motto at the moment   xx


----------



## Nosilab

Ah d'you know what...now you've said that I do remember hearing that saying from that film!!  I loved it then too, should have written it down....I will now   xx


----------



## Mooncat

Morning all,

Feeling a bit down today  Got a text from a friend who’s just started maternity leave. She had three miscarriages which hit her really hard, before this pregnancy which has thankfully gone well. I’m really pleased for her after what she’s been through, but I don’t want to talk to her, since her life is pregnancy at the moment. 

Also my ‘best friend’ has been in touch out of the blue, to ask if she can visit tonight. I already have plans which I’m glad about, as I really don’t feel like seeing her. She talks about herself and her kids constantly, and wasn’t understanding or supportive through the IVF at all. Again, no hard feelings, but I don’t want to see her. I want to put my own feelings first, not grit my teeth and put on a brave face because it’s easier for other people. 

On the plus side, seeing another friend tonight who doesn’t know anything about the treatment. She doesn’t have kids and is quite open about not wanting them, so there shouldn’t be any surprise pregnancy announcement! Hope that cheers me up a bit  

Sorry for the whinge, hope someone else has good the feel good vibes today!


----------



## yogabunny

Hugs to Mooncat  & Nosilab  I can;t offer good advice as I tend to hide from some friends and that is not good. I even fell out with a very very good and old uni friend of mine as was so worried about going to her wedding when I got the invite in the shape of a shotgun, as she didn't know what i was going through, and the only friend i knew that was also going was due that week, so massively pregnant. I ended up getting in a right pickle faffing about it, and offended her, anyway she doesn;t want to know anymore, I miss her like crazy and I have not been able to explain. To be honest I find it all easier now that we are on the IVF route, its easier to tell people and I feel like we are on our way on the journey, I felt so lost before not knowing. 

debs and noel is it still snowing with you? we've had no snow but it is FREEZING outside!

love to everyone   xxx

afm - I just had my nurses appointment and she confirmed what other people on here made me realise, but doctor didn;t mention, that if AF comes before 21 December, I'll be starting on the following January cycle, as the lab would be closed for ET. I am so impatient, but I guess if that is the case I can relax a little more over xmas and get ready for 2013. She also reminded me that embryos can be lost in thawing so I need to be aware, which made me very sad for the little frosties. 
Oh well, what will be will be. 
I still haven;t got the xmas decorations up, so I am going to start that tonight and I might even get some cheesey xmas music going.


----------



## cornishgirl

Hiya
Hope everyone is ok and getting ready for Xmas - and ready for a more successful year in 2013!  Day off today so cleaning ready for the Xmas decs to go up.  

Still waiting for my consultant appt on 20th, time is dragging so slowly.....just want to get sorted with a "plan". 

CG x


----------



## Mooncat

Thanks yogabunny, just a bit fed up today  That’s really sad about your friend but I completely understand how it could happen. I know I’ve offended people by turning down invites and being generally elusive. I also agree that I find it easier now we’re having IVF – you can say those three little letters to people and the rest is implied without having to go into any detail. Feel bad about my feelings towards my friends, I know they care, they just don’t understand how painful it is. It’s awkward for them, I suppose. But I definitely feel like I don’t want to act a certain way just to please other people anymore, I’ve done enough of that over the last few years! 

Hope AF holds off so you can get cracking this month! I think I'll be going for FET in January, so if it doesn't happen in December we'll be cycle buddies again  I've got consultant appointment next Tuesday, so should know for sure after that. 

Got Friday and Monday off work, think that'll do me good. Been busy this week and hardly seen DH, which I hate! Miss him!


----------



## Mooncat

Thanks Rocky  I'm feeling exhausted at the moment too, don't know if it's a result of the treatment or the weather or what, but definitely need a long weekend! Going away for a wedding tomorrow, back on Sunday, then Monday I plan to do tree and start Christmas shopping. Like you, I'm finding it hard to muster enthusiasm, but determined to enjoy it as best I can! Have a great weekend, good luck with the shopping and tree, hope it gets you in the Christmas spirit


----------



## yogabunny

thank you mooncat and rocky  
rocky good for you taking control, enjoy the break from the madness and get some lights and mistletoe up!!
hi cornish   hope your wait speeds up for you  
my decorations are still in their boxes! nevermind zzzzzzzzzzzzzz


----------



## set55

Hi ladies
I already have my tree up did it tues and as for u all going on about long weekends i only have three more days off till xmas i'm running out of time haven't written any cards yet or wrapped presents. 
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh


----------



## Vickytick

Hello ladies 

Glad the royal announcements have quietened but now watching this morning with jls and waiting for all the marvin/ rochelle baby talk...  I hoped that Kate might struggle as she is 30 and it'd highlight the fact some women struggle but nooooo.

It's been a tough week looking towards Xmas - mixed feelings as we are no further on and I mc Xmas eve 2010 at 12 weeks so its tough..but we will get through it an 2013 will be a bumper year.

I understand about friends and feel for any of you having a rough time with it  *mooncat* love the idea of lively child just think its practice.

*if* hit home for me this week as ss has issues and dh had to go to hosp appt with ex to see dr. Appt was held in maternity ward, ex turned up with her 20mth and 1 week year old kids from new relationship. Dh was questioned on whether he had any more kids, said no then asked if we were planning to had to utter those words no we can't only to get that awful pitying sorry to hear that. I would have said no you're not you don't care about whether we have kids or not. DH was so upset he's struggling with it all at the moment bless him. Suddenly I hit me *really * hit me I might never have my own child 

Sorry to bring the thread down but you ladies understand..

Hope you all have a good weekend.


----------



## Crimsonrose

Hello everyone.

Not had any snow here but plenty of ice, nearly fell on my butt this morning walking to the docs!!!

I know what everyone means about friends, I have still been kinda avoiding most of mine too, plus the weather being so brutally cold, I have just been cocooning myself in snuggled up on the sofa!! Next week going to try get out some more, and the fact that I have to doesn't really give me a choice, need to finish my Xmas shopping, problem is kinda stuck what to buy people, bought some stuff earlier this week but stuck on the other people, mainly boys, girls are easy!!

Glad Kate is ok and going to try rise above it, keep positive..

I haven't got any Xmas decs but may be going away again at Xmas to the alps skiing which is what we did last year so never bothered trimming up, is that bad?

Will do some personal's later, going to go have lunch, yes late I know, lol!!


----------



## Nosilab

Hi ladies,

Just been catching up with posts....

Mooncat, really really feel for you, totally understand the friend thing and how it can make you feel.  I think you absolutely made the right choice by choosing to see the friend without children as you'd originally planned.  At times like this you need to put yourself and your feelings first.  Really no need to apologise.  Hope you enjoy the wedding this weekend  

Yogabunny, thank you for the hugs.  Really sorry to hear about you and your friend, what a really awful situation that was for you, I would have panicked too, IF affects us in so many unexpected ways doesn't it.  Hope you're able to get going with your next cycle ASAP!  Have you got your decs up now?

Vickytick, I'm also really pleased all the royal baby stuff has calmed down...for now at least!  But yes, you're right, it'll be flippin' Marvin and Rochelle next!!  Give me strength   !!  So sorry to hear about probs with ss and having to go to hosp, that must've been really really hard for you, especially being asked about children  

Afm, yet another pg announcement at work yesterday!  I'm not close friends with this person, and she doesn't know me particularly well, so she then went on to ask me if I had children, well, I just couldn't help myself and blurted out very firmly and assertively "no, we can't have children and have had 2 failed IVF cycles, one failed cycle was very recent!".  When I told my DH what I'd said he looked at me wide-eyed and said " you didn't say it like that did you?!"....erm YES!!  Why should I hide it or feel embarrassed!  Why should I have to lie!    Felt really low yesterday again, but had lovely girlie shopping day with sis today so feeling a wee bit perkier.

Big hello to cornishgirl, rocky1, set55, crimsonrose and anyone I've missed  

xxx


----------



## noelke81

hi ladies,

how's everyone?

nosilab - ups for yr outburst  What was the other womens reaction? I imagine she dropped her jaws. Sometime u just have to be honest and let it all out  

AFM - nothing to report, burried myself into work and trying to make the most of the xmas rush 

have a good weekend everyone!

noel
x


----------



## Vickytick

Nosilab I say things likes that all the time now I just hate the intrusive questions people feel they can ask. On a lighter note Xmas decks up this weekend and visit to Santa on a train.

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend. Xx


----------



## Mogster

*Nosilab* I have wanted to blurt things out to so many people but stop myself as I couldn't face their pitty afterwards although might be worth it just to see the look on someones face when I bite back!!!!

*Noel* How are you? Work can be a brilliant distraction and I'm working like mad at the moment. Hope you are also having some time to do whatever you need as well 

*Vickytick* I need to get some decs up as not feeli the Christmas love yet 

*Mooncat* I'm always avoiding people and making up excuses but my DH doesn't get it and takes it personally that I don't want to see his friends or family. Some days are just too hard 

*Yogabunny* How are you? Fingers crossed timings work out for you. I know how frustrating it can be when AF doesn't work with your plans.  it works out for you.

*Rocky* I think you are doing the right thing. Take some time and go for it when you are ready

Sorry if missed anyone but it won't let me go back too far and computer is also playing up.

*AFM* Had my follow with my consultant this week. Mixed bag really. On a positive note she said she thought we should go again as everying went well except for final result. Eggs good quality and quantity, spem good, high fertilisation rate and 2 great blasts. She has said she will test for killer cells and possibly perform a new technique of scraping Anyone heard of this. Apparently by scraping the wall implantation can be more successful We are still going to attend some more open evenings and check out some other places. DH doesn't seem to confident with them but who knows  thinking about it all!!!

Take care everyone x


----------



## yogabunny

hello everyone, night in for me!

mogster - it is confusing to know what to do, sounds like good idea to go to different open evenings. I know what your DH means, you start to lose confidence, but it sounds like doctor is prepared to do something more for you now. i have read something about a "scratch" on here, that  other ladies are doing, it is supposed to help implantation, so that sounds good. I am thinking of doing the greek tests like debs - getting hidden c tested. It's 100 euros, it seems worth it in the scheme of things.  Let us know how you get on.     

Vickytick - Sorry to hear what you had to deal with at the hospital, what a nightmare for you and dh.   Hope santa's train is fun, cheers you up and and gets you in the xmas spirit. 

Noel - Hope you have a good christmas rush and make lots of money to treat yourself. I've been enjoying working hard this week, its good to be busy and get mind off stuff, as I took it pretty easy through treatment which was nice but did send me  .

Nosilab -  Good for you.   I think I need to get it out there more often! Hope you got some good retail therapy with your sister.   

Crimson - christmas skiing sounds brilliant, you don;t need to decorate as you are going to the perfect white xmas! good idea!  

hello set, rocky, cornish, debs    

I had a lovely day today, my friend took me to the hilton to use their pool, steam room etc for my birthday treat!! I got the box of decs out, but they are still in the box, very bad!! I do have a big amazing bunch of red birthday flowers from DH which look quite festive! staying in tonight, so i'm just looking online to see if i can get some of my shopping done from home, and take the pressure off when i brave going into town. buying for the men is hardest, kids and females so much easier. xxxx


----------



## yogabunny

... oops and hello mooncat! hope you've had a great long weekend xx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi ladies!

Hi *Noel*, the other woman just looked a tad uncomfortable and wasn't expecting me to say that  It wasn't my intension to make her feel uncomfortable, I just get fed up with being 'polite' all the time so in a split second I just thought sod it! I'm just gonna be totally honest and tell the truth! In the past I've tried saying things like "sadly no" or "no, it hasn't happened for us yet" but then I get comments back like "oh, we'll you still have time" or "don't give up" and then I feel like screaming  Do you have your own business if you're making the most of the Christmas rush??

*Vickytick*, exactly, they are very intrusive questions, and the person asking is making a _huge_ assumption that it's a foregone conclusion that everyone can have children! I also had the woman on the supermarket checkout ask me today, she was making stupid chit chat about Christmas "blah blah blah 'do you have children' blah blah" but didn't think it was appropriate to go into the ins and outs of IVF in the checkout queue  mind you, I dunno Yay, fab that you've got the decs up, and visited Santa!  Still to do ours, must get them out of loft!

*Mogster*, yes there was a bit of a pitying face from her but it was definitely worth it! In a bizarre way it was quite empowering, I didn't feel as vulnerable as if I'd just sat there 'pretending' if you know what I mean? Yes I have heard of the 'endo scratch' although don't know much about it other than it's meant to help with implantation. Sounds great that she's going to do that _and_ test for killer cells, I wish my clinic would offer those 2 options, I'd def say yes if they did!

*Yogabunny*, yes had some great retail therapy with my sis, shame we don't get to do it more often really but we live too far apart. Sounds like you had a really fab day at The Hilton! And some beautiful flowers too, glad you had a good day 

Big hello to *everyone*! 

xxx


----------



## rhi81

Hey girls,
Room for one more? Well i had first failed treatment in october and this week has been pure hell im crying all the time and feel so so low im worse now than when i found out it didnt work i dont no what set me off this week but something has and i dont no how to cope or try and move on.
Sorry for the me post straight away will read back and catch up hope to speak to you all soon
Big hugs
Rhi xx


----------



## deblovescats

so sorry rhi - don't give up, you'll get lots of support on here!
hi again nosi - good for you telling that colleague, why are some people so insensitive? at work, i get fed up hearing all the stories about their kids - i can cope with so much, but the stories go on for ever!
i'm feeling more positive, def going ahead with initial appt in jan at serum in athens - now feeling a bit frustrated as i'm waiting for AF to arrive so i can book an appt!
Deb


----------



## yogabunny

Hi rhi, just to say welcome and that we are all here for you. 2013 is going to be a better year I am sure of it.  

Debs,   Great news about January, I have only read great things about Penny and the Serum. Hope AF hurries up.


----------



## Nosilab

Hello and welcome Rhi, so sorry to read about your failed cycle, such a tough time  you've come to the right place though for lots of support from lots of lovely ladies. It might not be anything in particular that has set you off again, if you're like me you'll experience peaks and troughs, one week you'll be fine and fairly upbeat and the next you'll feel at rock bottom again. Although not very nice at all it is perfectly normal. Sending hugs 

Hi Deb, really fab news that you're definitely going ahead with tx at Serum in Jan  Hope AF hurries up so that you can get going ASAP! Yes people can be _really_ insensitive can't they!

Well, wasn't feeling too bad recently, considering, but my sister did me a huge favour and dropped off a baby gift and card to my friends house for me (they live too far away for me to do it and was safer than posting) but just hearing a few details about my friend with new baby has left me feeling really drained and emotional again  Really really hate this feeling, it just seems so relentless  . When will I feel 'normal' again and not let these things bother me?!?! Sorry for the gloomy post ladies, just had to get that off my chest. Just feel like curling up in a ball and hibernating....

xxx


----------



## Mooncat

Hi girls, how you all doing? Just been catching up on your posts...

rhi81 - Welcome to the thread, sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here. I think most of us find it's up and down, you think you're getting yourself together, then it hits you again. It's a really emotional time of year too. Lots of support from lots of lovely people on here though  

Vickytick - Sorry you had to deal with that. It's strange isn't it, how you can be feeling ok about things, then someone says something and suddenly you feel heartbroken all over again. I think that's what makes getting on with things so hard, you never know where an upset might come from. Hope you're feeling a bit better now 

Nosilab - Good for you coming out with it like that! I'm getting much more outspoken about my situation, does make me feel a little bit more empowered and in control. Glad your shopping trip perked you up a bit 

Mogster - It's such a lot to take in when you go back isn't it? And it can feel a lot like you're being led a certain way, without being sure it's what you want. Sounds sensible to take time to consider your options with DH. 

Crimson - The Alps sounds like a fabulous idea, getting away from things can help a lot. And get away from this nasty icy weather to some proper snow!

Yogabunny - So pleased you had a good birthday and a nice weekend. I haven't started my Christmas shopping yet, but just decorated the tree this evening, so at least the house looks festive 

AFM, wedding was great. A few unwelcome questions from DH's aunties, but managed to rise above that, and it was mostly really good fun. Been back to consultant for IVF follow up today. He seemed a bit irritated with the big long list of questions I had, but he answered them all and it felt like a productive discussion. Agreed on FET to start on 1st day of Jan cycle, so over a month more off before getting back to it. Definitely need it. So now the decorations are up and it's time to start getting ready for Christmas... 

Hi to everyone else, hope you're all good xxx


----------



## Mooncat

Oh Nosilab, just read your most recent post, sorry you're feeling down again  It will definitely get easier, you knew it was going to be tough when the baby came and it sounds like you're handling it ok considering. Definitely relate to the 'when will I feel normal again'... I drive DH mad with that question I think! But you said yourself, it's up and down, hope it's on the up again for you now


----------



## MrsPootle

Hello there!

Room for another one?

I've just had my 4th BFN about a week ago    I'm very up and down and left and right    You'd think it would get easier but it just doesn't.  I want to run a mile from treatment but I can't face the idea of never having a family.  There are no easy answers.  But I'm doing my best to just 'get on with Chrimbo' and, to 'get on with getting a job' after that (I've moved house from Liverpool to Chelmsford and taken a break from work to do the 4th cycle in London).

Regards scraping - I had that (don't be put off by my result though) - the idea is they scrape a little bit inside your womb, so that it makes your womb think something like 'oh yes! implantation! I remember that!!!'.  At the clinic I was at (ARGC) they did it just prior to the stims phase of treatment, but other places might do it a bit earlier.

Oh and current fertility plan is a surprise BFP over Xmas please - Santa can you manage that?? Yes, for us all please!!!  

And.... hello Vickytick   nice to see a familiar face over here!

Love MrsP xx


----------



## Nosilab

Hello Mooncat, so pleased you had a really fab time at the wedding, and managed to escape relatively unscathed re awkward comments - no escaping totally though eh    Brilliant news that you're going for a FET in January   for you!  Thank you for your lovely comments  

Hi and welcome MrsPootle, so so sad to read about your 4th BFN   no wonder your all over the place emotionally, hope you're looking after yourself?  Oh wouldn't that be amazing to get a surprise BFP over Christmas! I can't imagine anything more amazing or magical.....we can but hope eh  

BIG hello to all xxx


----------



## deblovescats

sorry to hear your news mrs pootle - you're on a supportive thread here - welcome! 
nosi - sorry you've been feeling down, i know how you feel. However much we try to deal with things, some baby/pregnancy news can just tip us over! 
got some decorations up now - don't really feel like celebrating xmas, but trying to deal with this. getting the tree up today! got out most of the xmas cards - what i'm dreading is getting the usual round robin letters from friends all cosy with children - get sick of hearing about all the child prodigies! i sound like a real scrooge! 
getting frustrated now - AF is running late and need her to arrive to plan appointment at serum
Deb


----------



## rhi81

Hi all
Thanks for the lovely welcome, well yesterday was hard spent all day helping my best mate move she is 6 months pregnant and had very difficult pregnancy so whilst my hubby helped her parntner move some stuff she had hospital appointment and asked if i would go so i was sat in a room with about 15-20 pregnant ladies the majority moaning like mad at being pregnant and how easy they got pregnant apparently " it just happend" omg how i wish it could just happen to me it was so hard not to shout you should count your blessings and it should be the most special time of your life not sat there saying oh ive got 4 i didnt really want another on but oh wel. There are so many ways to prevent a pregnancy i wish there were so many ways to make you pregnant as well. Sorry for.the rant just needed to get that out.
Hope your all as ok as you can be
Big big hugs
Rhi xx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies been doing a bit of catch up so bear with me and I apologise if I miss anyone out. 

Hello to our newbies *mrsp* (old friend) and *rhi*. As the others have said a great friendly thread with lovely ladies.

*mogster * I've heard of a lot of success with the scratch helps the womb, gets rid of old stuff apparently. If only my clinic did those I'd be over the moon.

*nosilab* sorry you are feeling down again. Not sure we will feel normal again. This journey changes you and impacts your life. But huge hugs as you are so supportive of all of us. 

*debslovescats* someone I know (childless) mentioned though letters this morning. They are horrid perhaps we should send one with our year on it lol. I used to love Xmas but not such a fan anymore which counsellor has said is normal.

*mooncat* so he should answer the questions it's what they are paid for. Great you've got a date for fet. Have a nice Xmas knowing you start in the new year.

*yogabunny* flowers sound lovely and well jel of your day in Hilton. Nice to have a bit of me time and forget ttc for a few hours.

Hello to crimson, rocky, set55 and Cornishgirl hope you ladies are okay.

I'm off to give Barts a  on the head to chase them...xx


----------



## Nosilab

Evening ladies

Hi *Deb*, yes you're right, some things just tip us over the edge and sometimes there is no predicting when that might happen  Plan to put our tree up this weekend, definitely not as excited about it as I'd normally be, sad really. I'm mainly just looking forward to the time off work, couldn't really give two hoots about Christmas! You certainly don't sound like Scrooge, not at all! Can't think of anything worse than get round robins about other people's kids!  Really really hope AF turns up for you soon so that you can start planning 

*Rhi*, I can't believe you had to put yourself through all that! What an absolutely awful day for you!  It makes me sooooo  angry when people say "oh it just happened, it wasn't planned, we didn't even really want another one", well why the hell weren't you using contraception then grrrr  Sorry, had to join in on your rant, so frustrating, if only they were able to experience one week of IF, then they might realise just how blessed they actually are. I feel for you I really do, I don't think I'd have coped at all in that situation.

Hi *Vickytick*, thanks for your lovely message. You're right, IF does change us so I guess it just takes a while to adjust, it's a constant battle with emotions though eh  I know it's not funny really but I did just lol at your suggestion of a round robin newsletter giving info on _our_ year!  OMG, wouldn't that give everyone a shock and something to think/talk about!! I'm almost tempted lol! How did it go with chasing Barts? Any luck?

Massive *hello to all*!  xxx


----------



## lisasimon1

HI LADYS I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING THE THREAD FOR A WHILE NOW BIG   TO YOU ALL AND I SO SECOND THE CHRISTMAS THING I AM NORMALLY EXCITED ABOUT CHRISTMAS BUT THIS HAS BEEN THE WORST COUPLE OF WEEKS FOR ME i WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET PREG AFTER MY FORTH CYCLE FOR ALL OF A WEEK TO FIND OUT I WAS MISCARRYING ON MY BIRTHDAY MY LEVELS WENT DOWN AFTER DOUBLING THEY WENT DOWN TO 18 NO BLEED NO PAIN WELL NOT UNTIL NOW 

X


----------



## Nosilab

Hello and welcome *lisasimon1*, sorry your circumstances bring you to this board and that you've experienced such a devastating time  This thread is so supportive though with so many lovely ladies, I hope it helps you a bit. Hmmm yes, the whole Christmas thing....roll on 2013! 

xx


----------



## lisasimon1

noilab- thank you yeah had a terrible 14 months 

little bit about my journey 

I have egg shared 3 times and had this last cycle to myself 

1st go ivgot 20 eggs shared 10 for me only 2 fertility with ivf dp penitratration issues =bfn -my lady bfp she went to blast 
2nd go 20 eggs shared 10 for me 7 mature icsi was donevgot to day 3 2 transferred 1 left to see if it made it to blast no frosties bfn for I got a bfp faint day b4 otd my lady bfp 
3 rd cycle didn't respond well only got 8 eggs 5 were mature I gave them all to my lady she had a day 2 transfer and bfp 
4th 17 eggs 11 mature 9 fert all went to blast had 2 early blast transferred bfp for a week 
I have 2 snow babies but don't know yet what to do

xx


----------



## deblovescats

hi everyone
vicky - think it's a great idea = we could send round robins with news of each clinic/cycle!! lol
hi to nosi - afraid i got another letter yesterday - at least this one was written - but all news of kids again! do they never think what it's like for us? 
sorry to hear your news lisa - but you've come to a supportive thread, we're all here for you
AF finally arrived the other day, so now trying to work out flights etc - feel better that i've got a definite plan
had a bad day yesterday though - was work xmas meal at lunchtime in a local pub- great food, but the 2 colleagues who've had unplanned babies, surprise surprise brought them with them!!! so i had one 14 month old sitting opposite me looking all cute and the other who's 8 weeks old, his mum decided to come back to the office with us so she could breastfeed!! horrendous! however she did bring us some mince pies and a big tin of quality street!! the only light relief was that the toddler was fixated on our only male colleague who does admin - he was totally embarassed. Evidently the toddler and her other 2 kids think he's Mr Bean! and they love Mr Bean, so he decided to keep giving hm his soggy pieces of food!
Deb


----------



## Nosilab

*lisasimon*, what an absolutely awful time you've had  Here's hoping 2013 brings you lots and lots of luck, and for the rest of us too  xx

*Deb*, how on earth did you sit through all of that?!?!?!  Think it would have all been too much for me, think I would have cried on the spot! Mind you, saying that, we had a little Christmas do on Wednesday afternoon and one of the women I work with brought her 2 kids along to that, one of whom is only about 18 months (I think!). I feel awful for saying it but I basically just ignored them! It didn't look too obvious as there were a few of us there all sitting around chatting and the kids were just running up and down amusing themselves, so was easy to ignore what was going on around me. But how you coped with the little one sat right opposite you and then to be back at the office with all the chat AND breastfeeding, I think it would definitely have been too much for me. Sounds like you coped really well though  xx


----------



## Vickytick

*Lisasimon1* as the others have said sorry to see you here but welcome and huge hugs 

*Nosilab * chased Barts and no news yet  Not happy as its now over 6 months since my last cycle and really wanted to cycle in Jan but at this rate it won't be sorted out before AF arrives. I just want to get on and get it done now I can just hear the tick tock of the clock in my head as Im 39 in Feb.

*Debslovecats* OMG how did you get through that...I went to my sister's school play yesterday (she's an infant teacher and I help out) but it was the preschool day as I couldn't make any other day. Well where do I begin unruly children, parents oblivous of anyone else and a baby all of 1 month. One woman had her mum with her and clearly had 4 children under the age of 8 but couldn't control the 2 youngest at all. I really wanted to say perhaps you should've stopped at 2 (miaow...) but held myself back. IF makes me worse for that now. I just see these parents and think why exactly have they been granted their wish when they have no idea but someone somewhere thinks me and DH are undeserving. Now I'm not going to be Mary Poppins but REALLY some of these people have no idea. Take the child out of the room if they are screaming as for answering back at the age of 2..

Sorry rant over for me.

Have a great weekend ladies and huge HELLO to everyone else.

xx


----------



## Nosilab

Oh *Vickytick*! You poor thing, you must be fuming mad  Afterall, it's not like you haven't waited patiently for 6 months!! I can't even begin to imagine your frustration. Well, all I can say is that I hope (_REALLY _ hope!) they call you back next week.

Jeez, I just really don't know how some of you ladies cope with those situations, I truly admire you. Vickytick and Deb, you're very strong women! Life really can seem very cruel and unfair can't it 

I'm off out for Christmas drinks after work so am looking forward to a couple of glasses of wine  Hope you all have a lovely weekend and have some nice plans to help distract you.

xxx


----------



## deblovescats

thanks nosi and vicky - it is very hard. I try to detach myself from the situation! not easy. Then yesterday at work, I've sat through talk about kid's nativity plays = complete with pics on mobile! do people not really have any insight! then the mum who brought toddler to xmas lunch, ws telling us all how he was centre of attention and how some colleague who work in a different setting were talking about him!!! could scream sometimes! 
had a great weekend in london with sis and a friend (also with no kids) - went to Greenwich by river, had afternoon tea in a lovely hotel, and saw 'Singing in the Rain' in west end - so was good break! very busy in pre xmas rush - just find it so difficult at this time of year! 
got appointment booked in jan at serum - so feeling a little more positive!
Deb


----------



## A J

Hi ladies...can I join in with you again please? I was here a while back but kind of stopped posting for some reason So, if its ok I will come back to a very friendly place. Lovely to see some old friends here too...apart from the obvious fact that we have to be here in the first place and not on a totally different thread. Fingers crossed we will all be moving over early on next year.

I'm hoping for a fet in February but with my body anything can happen (and always does!!) 

Atm just waiting for Christmas and all the nonsense it brings to be over....

Hugs to you all

AJ xx


----------



## Nosilab

Morning AJ

So sorry you find yourself back here, but on the other hand it's lovely to 'see' you again  

I can't wait for Christmas to be over and done with either, I usually love Christmas but this year I'm just longing for 2013 to be here so that we can move on from all the child/baby/family related stuff all around us (mainly on the TV!) that Christmas brings  

I'm also hoping to do a FET sometime in the new year, just not sure when at the mo - hopefully sooner rather than later!

xx


----------



## A J

Is it just me or do others find it harder to deal with a situation when others know bout the infertility?

Told some women in the school I have been working at during this term about the m/c's and ivf treatment a while ago (dont often tell people...but felt comfortable doing so) then went out for our end of term meal tonight when a former colleague came along with her 7 month old baby. I found it so difficult thinking everyone was looking at me waiting for my reaction. If they didn't, know then I wouldn't have felt quite the same....I could have just smiled, done the cooing etc, etc and nobody would be any the wiser.

Note to self...dont tell anyone in my new school next term.

AJ xx


----------



## yogabunny

Hi AJ, so sorry you find yourself back here, but a big welcome   . 

It is a really tough one isn't it. I've told a few people due to tx and also hospital appointments, and mostly that has been a relief but i can see i may wish i'd kept quiet further down the line, at the minute they are all expecting a success story. There's a few more people I really would like to be honest with, but could i face the pitying looks, especially from the really mumsie ones.....I still don't know the answer! 

Hello everyone, hope your festive time is peaceful and happy, i'm already getting ready in my mind for a new start in 2013 xxx


----------



## Guest

Hiya ladies can I join?
Had my BFN yesterday when AF arrived in full swing. I'm finding it harder to deal with than I thaught, I've been crying in waves since yesterday and I can't control it.... It's absolutely devestating 

Xxx


----------



## Guest

P.s. this was my first cycle. ICSI XX


----------



## rhi81

Sfozzy,
So sorry hun big hugs its totally heart breaking isnt it. All i can say is take time to cry and its ok to feel like this i had first failed ivf in october and still find it really hard but the lovely ladies on this thread have been great we are all here for you, sorry cant be of anymore help lovely
Rhi xx


----------



## rhi81

Can i just ask girls not sure if right place to post this but af came 27th october when ivf failed but i havent bled since is this normal? I have to have one natural bleed before i can start my 2nd and final cycle.
Thanks girls
rhi xx


----------



## cornishgirl

Hi All

Hope everyone is ok and all ready for Christmas, not long to go now! Sorry for everyone that have had negative cycles recently.  Soon be New Year and a fresh start.....

AFM - We had our appointment with consultant this week and it went really well.  DH did a sample while we were there any it was much better than the previous ones at 24 mil with 14% normal and they have frozen 5 vials.  We have a provisional date for next IVF/ICSI of April, so I feel positive that we now have a plan.  

CG x


----------



## Guest

Hiya

How's everyone today? 
I woke up in tears again today, I drempt I had a bfp and it was so real, when you wake up and realise it was just a dream it's awful 

I've got one free cycle left with nhs, does anyone know how long it will be before I can start my next one? I'll have to start from the beginning again as I didn't have any to freeze xxxx


----------



## rhi81

Hi sfozy,
My clinic says to have 1 normal bleed before next cycle but i think it does vary between clinics. I often dream of bfp it got so bad for me i didnt want to sleep its horrible hun, i only have one go left with nhs aswell and also have to start again as had none to freeze, hope you feel better soon feel free to pm me if you ever want to chat
big hugs 
rhi xx


----------



## yogabunny

*Rhi & Sfozzy* -  
*Sfozzy *- welcome,  hope you feel a bit better soon, I have heard of different waits between cycles, 1-3 AFs before next treatment, take your time hun, go for it when you are ready, you need to look after yourself for a little while.
*Cornish* - sounds like your appointment went really well, glad you have a plan. Hope you can now relax and enjoy xmas.

Can't believe it is christmas eve tomorrow. Part of me wants to hide, but I have done buying, cooking, wrapping, and bought a dress. Don't feel ready, but driving up to my parents tomorrow so anything I've forgotten, will have to do without!
    hope everyone is ok xxxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hello and welcome *Sfozzy*

So sorry to hear about your BFN, truly heartbreaking time  Be gentle on yourself and take some time to grieve for your loss, crying is good, get it all out. I hope you find this thread supportive, I know I have, they are lovely ladies! Hope you manage to plan some nice things to do over the Christmas break to help try and distract you a little bit. Those 'real' dreams are just so sad aren't they, they feel so real at the time. Not sure about the NHS funding I'm afraid as we only got one free go, so not sure how long you'll need to wait.

Hi *Rhi81*, I think it is normal to have to wait longer for your first proper AF after failed tx, think it's your body rebalancing itself again after all the hormones etc that you've had, so nothing to worry about 

Sounds like your appt went really well *cornishgirl*, brilliant news  Great that you now have a plan for IVF/ICSI next April.

*Yogabunny*, I know what you mean about partly wanting to hide over Christmas, when faced with IF/tx it makes it a really difficult and sad time eh. I have my mum and her hubby coming to stay so I've put the decs and tree up and got all the Christmas snacks out, so that cheered me up. Hope you have a lovely time at your parents.

Big hello to everyone else  xxx


----------



## deblovescats

sorry to hear your news sfozzy - we're all here for you - we can understand where you're coming from!
hi to nosi - know what you mean about xmas eve. I'm not really excited - hate this time of year, but going to try and enjoy it! tree looks good!
count down now to my appt in jan at serum - got flights booked and hotel etc
last day at work today - we got to finish at lunchtime! 
had a bad day last week - colleague who is on maternity leave, came in and gave us xmas cards but of course she had to bring the baby and stayed 2 hours!!! i kept a low profile in my office - couldn't quite cope except for the muttered niceties on arrival.
i'm sick of pregnancy talk at the moment - lets hope it's all of us in 2013!
Happy Christmas to everyone!
Deb


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Deb, yeah strange old time of year eh.  Had Xmas card arrive this morn from my friend who's just had the baby, was a bit of a stab when I saw the three names at the bottom of the card    Anyway, trying not to let it get to me too much, sat watching some Christmas telly (A Christmas Carol) and filtering my home made sloe vodka    Very exciting about your appt at Serum, when do you go?  Not great for you re the colleague on maternity leave, I would have kept a low profile too.  As you say, let's hope 2013 is the year for you and everyone here  

Nossy xx


----------



## Guest

Hiya ladies. You all had a good Xmas? 

Mine was as poop as I thaught it would be  
To start with I had to go to my mother and father in laws for Xmas day which I didn't really want to. Then to top it off my stupid father in law decided to tell my evil sister in laws about my unsuccessful cycle, (I asked them not to say nothing as I'd do it in my own time) as you can imagine both sisters in law sat there with a big smile on their faces (nasty b*tches) we have never got on. But that was plain nasty.

Then today I'm at my mothers house, and my sister and her partner hasn't once sympathised about my failed cycle. Why can some women be so nasty?! 

I'm sat here like Scrooge lol WORST CHRISTMAS EVER!!

(Vent over)


Feel better now lol.

I've let clinic know about unsuccessful cycle, waiting for 2nd consultation now.
In the next cycle I'm not going to tell anyone that I'm in treatment (not that I chose to this time) I'm convinced my cycle didnt didn't work because if the stress my inlaws have given me.

Xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Sfozzy

So sad to see that you've had such a poop time    Christmas is hard enough to get through without all that c**p going on too    what horrible nasty SILs you have, I never understand how some women can be so cold and heartless!  I'm reading a great book on IF at the mo and I was showing it to my mum yesterday and gently hinting that she might like to borrow it after I've finished it, but she didn't really show very much interest.  When I first showed it to her she just laughed and said "blimey!  How many of these books have you got now?!" I was a bit hurt and upset by that comment as it just seemed to show a complete lack of interest or understanding    I know she didn't really mean it like that, and probably just felt uncomfortable and unsure what to say, but still....to laugh?!    I might just pluck up the courage and be firm and just give it to her to read when I've finished reading it.

I think you're very wise to not tell people next time.  If I'm lucky enough to cycle again I'm not going to tell anyone.

xx


----------



## rhi81

Hi all
Well af finally arrived last nite so rang clinic to get booked for last go     and they shut til monday but just hoping dr starts about 20 something days am i right in thinkin this as had pill last time so not sure it how it works on natural af!! Hope it. Will be ok have worked myself up.for doin it this month now
hope everyone ok

rhi xx


----------



## Vickytick

Sorry I've not been on ladies but haven't had Internet since last sat, finally got new router yesterday (funny how quick thy can be when you threaten to change providers) so now im back in communication with the world.  As well as that weve had ss a lot of the last week as his new little brother was caught up in an awful fire accident at home and is in hosp in London so we've taken him up to see the baby etc. 

Welcome Sfozzy but sorry to hear about our bfn. Unfortunately women can often be the worst ones. I've fallen out with my elder sister because of her total lack of empathy towards my situation haven't spoken for nearly 6 months. She said on nasty things to me.

RHI81 sorry can't help as I've always don short protocol never dr but good luck.

Hello to our 'old timers' can't believe we are still here after all these months lets hope 2013 is a good year for us all. Xx


----------



## yogabunny

vickytick - what a horrible thing to happen at christmas. it sounds like your SS is very lucky to have you and DH in his life. Well done at getting the router fixed. Yes bring on 2013, I am ready for it.   

rhi - i'm not sure what the normal long protocol is, because i don't react well to DR, I started again without. I'm pretty sure that what you are saying is about right, about day 20 start stimming. someone else is going to know for sure though. Good luck! 

sfoxxy - sorry you had a rubbish christmas, there is such pressure on those days, and some of the people you spend it with you don't even want to see the rest of the time! Next year i definitely want to be on holiday! 

nosi - sorry to hear about your sister. It is interesting who is a good support and who isn't - not always who you expect. I just don't think anyone can understand it unless they have been through it, but some people are more understanding than others. What's the book called that you are reading?

afm - I heard tales about my ex when i went home, which was hard to hear, he is a big mess, has been home after a stint in Bali, he's a party animal and a charmer, and this time he been charming all the girls, being a womaniser, upsetting married couples and single young girls equally. I was with him for 5 years, i was totally in love and thought i was in a stable relationship, but now I have lots of questions in my mind if he was unfaithful and if that is where my IF problems come from, although I have always tested negative for Chlamydia, the laporoscopy surgeon felt that it looks like I have had a C infection at some point which has led to blocked tubes and scarring. It's silly to look backwards, things are what they are, so I try not to dwell on the "what ifs", but hearing the gossip did bring back the hurt, the guilt of not protecting myself and my future dreams of family, and brings up questions in my mind. The stories made me feel physically sick. 

Onwards and upwards, FET will soon be here. xx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Yogabunny, yeah, thing with my mum is that she had 4 children very easily and has never experienced any problems conceiving, likewise with my 3 siblings, all have had children very easily and so I think my mum finds the whole IF things very difficult to understand especially when the rest of the family have had no probs at all.  She just keeps saying things like "don't give up" like I haven't really put lots of effort in to ttc already!!  Think it's also prob a generation thing, back in her day people either had babies very easily or if not they prob just gave a reason of "not wanting children" rather than admitting to IF, so wasn't really discussed openly, which is why she prob feels uncomfortable talking about it now    As you say, it's interesting who we find a huge support on this journey and who is not so much of a support - sometimes there are big surprises eh!  The book I'm reading is called 'Unsung Lullabies', it was given to me by a lovely FF lady that I met through this site.  I almost didn't read it as the title made it sound so sad, I thought it might be too much for me but actually it's really really interesting and wish I'd started it sooner now  

Oh that's horrible for you hearing all that gossip about your ex, no wonder you feel hurt and now also have questions.  I think that is perfectly normal to feel those things though, especially when we have probs ttc, we end up looking for possible reasons and for something or someone to blame - I think we all do that.  I know I've done the same (and still do!), I feel guilty and stupid for things that have happened in the past, but as you quite rightly say, it is silly to look backwards, we can't change the past we can only look forwards, when is your FET planned?  Sending hugs   xx


----------



## yogabunny

Thank you Nosi,    it is so reassuring to know i am not so alone, I feel quite vulnerable and easily upset these days, not as strong as i was, sometimes i feel like i am being punished for bad choices, and i don't want to go on about it too much to people who don't understand, and it is better to be optimistic and positive most of the time and not dwell on bad stuff, but sometimes i need to talk! - you kind ladies and this site are really such a lifeline.   

I think you are right about the generational thing, and also for those who conceive easily, it is hard sometimes for them to know what to say. It would be good if your mum would read the book, it might help her to understand. So many people that I realize now perhaps couldn't have kids but as a child I just thought they loved animals more than children!  

FET is planned for next AF, which should be about 15th Jan and no DRing so simple and less meds  .


----------



## Guest

Hi ladies hope you are all ok ?
Feel more positive today, got letter off the hospital for joint consultation in 3wks.
Thaught I would of been waiting months 
Xx
X


----------



## Keg

Hi
I hope no one minds me interrupting but my sister is waiting to hear if her tx was successful and thinks it probably wasn't.  I wondered if anyone had any advice on what would make her feel supported?


----------



## Nosilab

Hello Keg, is your sister registered on Fertility Friends?  I think she'd feel very supported if she joined this forum and chatted to others going through similar situations, or there are various books out there on infertility/treatment.  The one I'm currently reading is called Unsung Lullabies and I'd definitely recommend it    The only other thing I can think of is booking some sessions with her clinic counsellor.  Hope that helps a wee bit?

Sfozzy, that is fab news about your consultation!  

xx


----------



## set55

Hi ladies 
Not been on for a while been a busy time at work for me i only get xmas day and boxing day off.  So xmas isn't really a break at all. Not made any decisions about how to go forward with treatment next year i don't think i ever will at this rate all.  Dh is very frustrating he won't make any decisions. 
Here's wishing u all a happy and dream fulfilling new year.


----------



## yogabunny

Hi Keg, really thoughtful of you to try to find the best way to support your sister. The fact that you are on here trying to help, means that she is a very lucky lady to have you around. Let's hope that it is good news, just let her know you are there for her, good or bad news. I agree with Nosi on all suggestions. We're all different but for me, I find people listening, sympathising and acknowledging the painful process, is very helpful, rather than trying to move to the next step too quickly or trying to give advice. IF and IVF journeys can bring a kind of grief and so there is not a straight forward answer. Best of luck to your sister      xx

Hi Set, Hope xmas and boxing day were good. You can always come on here to try to gather your thoughts for next steps, that might help you go to DH with clearer head to try to make decisions together. Or just to have a rant!  

Sfozzy - good news  

Hi everyone else, we are nearly at a new start - 2013. hurray! afm - I have been at kew gardens today, got free tickets, very nice, very cold! Got home to an invitation to the pub with friends of friend, i really can't do the pub too much when not drinking, trying to find a way to say no (again) without everyone giving up on me. xxx


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone,
Not been on for a while to write anything but I have been reading your posts.
I'm so glad Christmas is over and *Yogabunny* we are nearly in 3013  Thank god for that! I hate new year as it another reminder of dreams not coming true.

*Keg* I wish I had you on my team. Best thing is to listen and not to push. I only talk when I feel happy to. I really get upset when people try and say they know how you feel. The tragic thing is you can only understand if you are on the same painful journey. Just be a great listener and take her on relaxing trips away from children!!!

*Set* we still have decisions to make for our next step. It's hard isn't it 

AFM I'm feel I'll at the moment. May have throat infection 

Sorry haven't done many mentions but for some reason it won't let me go back at the moment.

        2013


----------



## Keg

Thanks everyone who replied.  I think some of the advice is really helpful as my instinct is to try rush things away from treatment and clearly that is not right and I should listen rather than advise.  I suggested she join here.  Thank you.  I will suggest the book too.  Good luck to all of you here.  xx


----------



## Mooncat

Hey all, hope you're all well and managed to get through Christmas. I haven't been on for a few weeks, been trying to keep my mind off fertility issues. We managed to have a really nice festive period - plenty of catching up with family and socialising with lovely friends - nice to take a break from thinking about all this 

Can't believe it's nearly 2013 already! Not a fan of new year and mixed feelings about this one, like lots of you  Will be trying not to dwell too much on the year that's just gone and focus on the new year ahead. Can't decide if it's better to accept an invitation and keep distracted, or have a quiet one without any pressure to put on a happy face. Already been in tears today, so thinking maybe the latter 

Hope you all manage to have a pleasant evening anyway. 2012 wasn't our year, but who knows what 2013 holds? Hoping good things for us all  See you all on the other side  xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi *Mooncat*, glad you had a lovely Christmas break, sounds like you had a really lovely time. I know, new year seems to have arrived soooo fast! Definitely mixed feelings like you, trying to remain hopeful and positive but sometimes it's really hard. Hope you have a lovely (and restful) eve, whatever you decide to do. Do whatever you feel most comfortable with, but if you've already had tearful day then maybe a quiet one at home would be best. That's what I'm going to do.

*Set*, hope you're able to come to a decision with DH in the new year. Wishing you lots of luck 

*Yogabunny*, bet it was really lovely at Kew Gardens, lucky that you had free tickets  What did you do about the pub invite in the end?

*Mogster*, how you feeling? Pants that you're feeling ill with a throat infection  hope you're on the mend soon.

*Keg*, glad there were some useful suggestions there for you. As the others have said, your sister is very lucky to have to there looking out for her and giving her tons of support 

Hello and welcome *joannarose*, so so sorry to read about your BFN  It's always heartbreaking to get a BFN but somehow Christmas seems to make it worse, I had my first BFN this time last year, I was devastated. Take some time to grieve and be gentle on yourselves. Sending hugs 

Big hello to *everyone* I haven't mentioned. Wishing lots of luck, love and happiness to all you lovely ladies, wishing all our dreams come true in 2013. Here's a sprinkling of baby dust just for good measure....

 xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies just wanted to come on here say a big hello to everyone of you lovely ladies  .

Sorry that we are all still here   but I'm hoping that none of us (for good reasons) will be here this time next year.

Have a good evening whatever you choose to do I know it's a bittersweet night for us all. Ill be toasting to us all. 

Lots and lots of   to you all 

Xx


----------



## Feelinglucky

Hi everyone, not posted here before was hoping id b on the bfp thread if I'm honest by hey ho! 

Starting a new cycle once af shows up, im now three days late, fed up of waiting so thought id pop in  

Hope u have a lovely new year, and that 2013 is our year xx


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## Nosilab

Hi Vickytick, very well said, here's hoping   xx

Hello and welcome Feelinglucky, sorry you find yourself here but hope you find this thread as helpful and supportive as I have.  Lots of luck for 2013   xx


----------



## deblovescats

hi girls
a big welcome to joannarose - sorry about BFN - we've all been there so you'll get loads of support
hi to vicky and nosi and anyone else on here!
I'm not a fan of New Year - never have been, but especially hard this year
let's hope it's a good new year for us all with lots of BFPs!
Happy new Year ladies!
Deb


----------



## Nosilab

Happy new year Deb


----------



## wales06

Hi Ladies  Happy New Year to you all  

Im on countdown now,  off to new you for 4 nights on the 9th, then treatment planning on the 15th.  Just preying it doesn't get cancelled again  

I hope everyone had a good xmas.  I know how hard it is.  My niece had chicken pox so in a way it was a relief that i was away from babies.
The new one was born in november from ivf, exactly the same time as ours would have been due.  I know i can't take it out on her but it s very hard to accept her.

Anyway new yr time to be positive and all our dreams will come true xxx


----------



## princesspink96

Hello everyone, mind if I join you?  I've been off the radar for a while coming to terms with first failed attempt, anyway I'm geared up ready for round 2 which starts when I call in first day of AF between 5th feb -1st march.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Year and it wasn't too hard to get through.  I recognise a few of you here from last time and am sorry things didn't work out for you either.  Let's hope 2013 is our year or we're all going to have to live in a cave to avoid royal baby coverage!  I'm considering buying earplugs and wearing eyepatches  

Thanks for reading my waffle xx


----------



## MrsPootle

PrincessPink - that made me laugh with the earplugs and eyepatches - although I won't laugh long as I think it will be wall to wall coverage once the baby bump starts to show!

Happy New Year everyone!  I had my follow-up today - apparently cycle 5 *might* work with intralipids... but I've yet to convince myself that I'm up for it.  So, we are trying naturally in the interim and I'm gonna get my thyroid treated and I've been put of metformin to help my ovulation/POS woes.

Here's to all of us and lots of BFPs xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Well ladies, looks like I might have to leave this thread soon, and not for good reasons    My DH told me last night that he didn't want to do any more tx and wants it to all come to an end now.  I'm finding this really hard to come to terms with as we have 3 snow babies    I've cried so much in the last 24 hours, I look horrendous!  I've booked in to see the counsellor at the clinic but unfortunately she didn't have any appts available until the end of the month so I'll have to wait a bit.  On the plus side my DH has finally agreed to go and see her too (he's never agreed to that before!).  Not that I think it'll change anything but we need to get this sorted one way or another or we're going to fall apart  

Sorry for the sad post, just needed to get that out.  I just feel a bit of a fraud now being on an 'In between treatment' board when technically I'm not any more  

Good luck to the rest of you for 2013, I hope you're dreams come true xx


----------



## yogabunny

Nosilab -     so sorry to hear.... Stay here as long as you need to, you are not a fraud and you're not alone.... it's good that DH is going to come to counsellor. I really hope this situation sorts itself out and you find a way forward.  xxx


----------



## Nosilab

xxx


----------



## EssieJean

Hi *Nosilab*..I've been keeping a really low profile but been hovering on threads. I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear of your latest news and have to say that this thread is not only an inbetween tx thread but a bfn one too, which you've suffered. This thread wouldn't be the same without you, you've been a huge support to a lot of people on here , me included & I look forward to seeing you on here for a long time yet. That doesn't sound good does it but you know what I mean. I mean as long as you need support you have it here  Also, it's not over til the fat lady sings!! Good luck with the counselling

lots of  

Essie xx


----------



## Mogster

*Nosilab* stay on here for as long as you need. It's a great place for support. I'm so sorry to hear about your DH and I hope you both come to the right decision for both of you. Take some time and give him some time as well. It's an awful time of year to be making decisions with Christmas and new year only just over. I can't wait to get back to normal life so that my DH and I can move on and make our next move.

Oh why is life so unfair. Just about had enough of it all. So many people going through this rubbish everyday when people who don't want kids or deserve to have them get pregnant with no problems. Feel quite angry and also exhausted.     Not helped by the fact that I'm on antibiotics due to tonsillitis 

I wish I could just scream and scream.

2013 had better improve as 2011 and 2012 were bad bad bad years 

     2013     
     2013     
     2013


----------



## princesspink96

Nosilab I'm sorry to hear your news.  It seems a good thing that your DH will go to counselling, I really hope you can work things out.  I'm with essiejean - wait for that fat lady to start warbling!


----------



## Nosilab

Thank you so much Essie, Mogster and Princesspink, your lovely replies mean the world to me, I'm welling up as I type.  Thank you for your support   xxx


----------



## deblovescats

so sorry to hear your news nosi - do stick around, we'd miss you if you weren't  - you've been so supportive and we all feel for you.
it's good that you're both going to have counselling, and you never know, DH may change his mind! 
you just need to do what's best for you both - take your time, don't rush any decisions.
i echo let's hope 2013 is our year - whatever we all decide to do! 
i'm just sitting here admiring one of my little fur babies - who's so gorgeous and cuddly! so in the meantime, I have something to cuddle (even if he's furry!) he's looking totally relaxed and chilled, lying on his back with his legs in the air!
glad it's friday - had an horrendously busy week - two colleagues with kids have been off all over the xmas/new year period, so the other 3 of us have been rushed off our feet! to top it all I've had to cover 3 baby clinics - so gut wrenching - masses of new babies - grrr!
Deb


----------



## MrsPootle

Nosilab, big hugs... I second the 'don't rush into any decisions'. Its horrid when you & dh are at different stages of coming to terms / deciding what to do next. My theory is all options are forever open until we really need to close them down.  I've changed my mind about 16 times about treatment. Crazy! Always here if u want a rant xxxx


----------



## Nosilab

Thank you Deb and MrsPootle, what would I do without you all   xx

Deb I was also looking at my fur babies earlier and thinking how gorgeous they are.  Thank goodness I have them to love and cuddle.  How the heck did you cope with 3 baby clinics?!  

Thanks again to you all for the big hugs, they are very much appreciated   xxx


----------



## princesspink96

Nosilab, how are you feeling today?

I've taken down Christmas tree, packed all the decs away and thrown away the radio times.  Why does January feel like such a long month? I know I shouldn't wish my life away but now I know ec will be w/c 15th April (which may as all be 100 years) I am counting down the days.  Boots have 3 for 2 on vitamins at the moment so got me and my dh 3 months worth of pregnacare - has anyone else tried it?  I didn't do anything different on first go and feel I should try harder this time but there is so much conflicting information!  I'm going to go with pregnacare and more fresh fruit and veg, will stop running when I start stimms too I think.

Hello to everyone else and hope you're all feeling happy and positive xx


----------



## Imclucky

Hiya, sorry to butt in but just a quick question, how do you make the decision to try again? 

I've waited 18 long years for my hubby to come around to extending the family, I just feel that although I've not a definate no to being pregnant (2 BFP & BFN, I also know that I'm not, but the DH wants bloods to prove its a no). We both have issues with fertility (yes both sterilised, long story). It started 15 years ago that I wanted another baby (daughters 18 this year) DH brought home an adorable tabby kitten & he was every thing, he died but I gained another 2 along the way lol. The void came back & believe it or not the DH said he wanted to try so off I went & booked in reversals for both, his wasn't successful & we had to try icsi. We had 2 positives but also in the last 2 days 2 neg. I also egg shared but I'm dreading not being able to do it again.

Thanks in advance


----------



## princesspink96

Hi Pinky, I think you know when you're ready to give it another try.  My bfn was in October and at that point I thought there was no way I was going to put myself through it again. However a few months later I think I have to give it another go so I know I gave it my best shot.  

If you really want it and your dh is ready then do it.


----------



## Imclucky

I think it's not us not wanting to do it but being accepted to egg share again. I suppose it's down to CRM not us & I really hope the reciepiant was lucky


----------



## Imclucky

Just out of interest how long do I need to wait before we do it again? Haven't had AF yet either which is why I need my bloods done x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Princess

Thank you for asking    Only a few tears this morning, so compared to the last 2 days not so bad really.  Just feeling low today and have been a bit quiet with DH, which I know isn't great, I just can't help it    Was feeling so fed up with Christmas that I finally took our tree and decs down yesterday.  Just need DH to get the boxes out of the loft so they can be packed away - thank goodness that's over!!

xxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Pinky - usually it's 2-3 months - really depends on clinics.
Nosilab - I got around the tree/decs by not putting any up in the first place   Well, actually, my decs consisted of a small santa and snowman on the mantelpiece, with two tiny conifer glitter trees at either end - I can pack 'em away by doing a high kick towards the fireplace if required.  Hope you are feeling a bit better today xx

AFM - at in-laws - might be staying an extra day - which means.... dur, dur, duurrrr, my 4 little decs will be taken down on 7th - BAD LUCK ALL YEAR OMG!!! I might head home early alone LOL... But given how many sodding pairs of magpies I saw during the last cycle, my faith in superstitions has long gone!!!


----------



## Nosilab

Lol MrsPootle    I really like the idea of the high kick!  I might take a leaf out of your book and do minimalistic decs next year - how sad that I'm already thinking/fretting about next Christmas!  

Btw, I'm also losing my faith in superstition as I also saw lots of magpie pairs, so much for '2 for joy' eh


----------



## MrsPootle

Yeah - high kicks to the fireplace and shotgun to the magpies in 2013!!! LOL


----------



## Nosilab

Haha!  love it! It surely _has_ to be the way forwards?!


----------



## MrsPootle




----------



## Vickytick

*nosilab* sorry to hear about the tx but please don't leave you are a great support and virtual friend it wouldn't be the same without you.

*mrsp* can I come round and kick it for you to release some anger of mine.

*pinky* sorry to hear but it's about 3 months until you can go again or 3 cycles some clinic let you do it earlier.

*princess* I've been taking pregnacare since I started ttc over 3 years ago not sure if it helps but too scared to stop now.

*debs* where would be without our furry friends that one that one that loves you whatever and always ready with a kiss (sloppy lick) lol

Not been a great start to the year dh and I had a huge row, he kicked me out of the car ( all in front of ss) Sid nasty things. All because I've got issues with how his ex walks all over him. Don't get me wrong I'm no saint and can be a cow but I've got a lot of appts looming this week and I said this morning I felt low. Hopefully it's just post Xmas come down  xx


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## MrsPootle

Hugs Vickytick - at least your new year didn't start by finding a dog, er, turd, at the end of the front pathway.  Neither me nor hubby thought it a good sign... hope things get better - Xmas does funny things to people, in a week's time, I hope I'll have forgotten about Xmas... and you are always welcome to come and help me kick down the decs (whether up or not)! xxx


----------



## princesspink96

Mrsp - high kicks?  I'm impressed, I've just tried and can't get anywhere near my mantlepiece, can barely manage the tv stand!  

I had friends over last night and between the four of us we got through far too much wine and I've suffered for it today.  We haven't told anyone about our second go so that was our last big blow out, no more alcohol for the foreseeable future (hopefully for a long time for me!) so we drank everything we had in the house to help avoid temptation.  What does everyone else do, do you stop completely or have the occasional glass of something?

Vicky my sis and her dh had exactly the same row about his ex so you're not alone, I think Christmas seems to bring it all to a head.

Pinky, I misread your previous post, it makes sense now!  When will you find out if you've been accepted?

I'm going to sign off now and stop asking questions, I can't help it I like to know what everyone's doing!!

 to all xx


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## Vickytick

*princess*certainly does I obsess a bit because she's got pg every time I have but I've mc and one time she aborted a baby or no good reason than it would look bad 2 babies by 2 diff dads. Ironically the next 2 are with the same said bloke...like the idea of drinking all temptation. I give up alcohol at least 2 weeks before ttc anything more is a bonus. I'm off now until ttc as its last go so giving it best shot. Btw I love it tht you tried to high kick lol.

*mrsp* that's gross not a nice thing at all

Things are better much more pma from me and a concerted effort to look on the bright side of things. Onwards and upwards.

Xx


----------



## cornishgirl

Hiya

Hope everyone is ok and back into the swing of things after Christmas and New Year.  Now that's all over just waiting to get started really, got my prescription ready to send off but I don't think I do that until I get Feb AF and phone to confirm the cycle.  I've still got a pack of pills here so that bit is ok.  

How is everyone else?  

Watched One Born last night - you forget a pill, a condom split and you get pg just like that, and you think of what the rest of us try/go through - its not fair is it?
  
CG x


----------



## princesspink96

Hi CG, I'm waiting to be started too, we might cycle together as I'm waiting for Feb AF too.  I don't watch one born, I think it'll make me upset or angry, or both!  

It's blinking freezing here, I'm not even sure I remember what the sun looks like   

Anyway hope you're all good and feeling positive


----------



## cornishgirl

Hi princesspink96

The wait is frustrating isn't it?  I'm just trying take my mind off if by trying to get in as good a shape as possible, physically and mentally.  Be good to have someone cycling the same time.  We've got provisional date of 15th April.  Do you have a date yet?  

Know what you mean about One Born but I somehow feel I have to watch it - even it makes me cry every week (weirdo alert!)  

I know, bit chilly here too.  Had a day off work today which was nice, but spent it doing housework all day  

CG x


----------



## princesspink96

CG, that's my provisional date too!  Are you in Cornwall or do you live somewhere else?  I ask because I'm in Devon.

I'm trying to get in shape too, physically that's easy it's the mental bit that's harder.  In a way I suppose it will be easier as I know what to expect this time, how the drugs make me feel, what happens at appointments etc. you only get one NHS go here and I'm annoyed with myself with being so naive, I wished I'd discovered FF beforehand, there are some brilliant threads on here with questions I didn't even think of!

You're not weird, I understand you watching it, I just try and avoid babies as much as I can


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies its definitely the wait that kills. I can't watch obem I'd get angry that some find it so easy but I did watch the programme on the IVF clinic in Liverpool it was good and should've been on mainstream telly so everyone watched it. Might help others understand a bit more. The good part was that there were some bfn as well so it proved IVF does not work for everyone.

*princesspink* agree mental is harder to fix. I'm running again to lose weight and help brain as it gives me time to think.

I've now got to put 3rd cycle on hold even longer as I went to RMC at St Mary's this week and they've said I've got a sub septate uterus (means heart shaped) so I've got to have a 'procedure' then 6 weeks hormone tmt. Looking at April now but it's already been 7 months since last cycle. Means ill be on here a while longer. X


----------



## princesspink96

Oh no Vicky I bet that's not what you wanted to hear, could it have affected your earlier cycles?  If it helps in the long run then it's just a few more weeks, I know that's easy to say but if it makes a difference then it'll be worth it.  On the positive side it'll give you a bit longer to get physically fit.  I use my running time as thinking time too, I've been out four times this week  

I've seen others here talking about the Liverpool ivf programme, I'll look out for it to be repeated.

I've got a dilemma, got a job interview next week, I decided after my bfn I shouldn't put my life on hold for ivf and carry on as normal.  I've been hanging on in my present job thinking maternity leave was imminent but that hasn't worked out.  Dh thinks I should wait and see if I get the job then tell them about ivf and see what they say.  What does everyone else think?

Off to holland and Barrett tomorrow to stock up on vitamins, I'm going to rattle when I walk  

Wishing everyone a great weekend whatever you up to


----------



## cornishgirl

Hi

princesspink96 - yes, I'm in Cornwall booked at Derriford as a satellite site as they don't do it in Cornwall - how about you? Know what you mean about knowing what to expect, last time I was totally clueless and just concentrated in being in the right place at the right time and not think too much about what they were going to be doing    Sounds like you're doing all the right things, keep meaning to get back into running as I enjoyed it once I got my fitness up.  I had the same dilemma about my job last year, I stayed in a job I hated as the pay was pretty good and was hoping to enjoy some maternity leave    However, when DH got the 0 SA count I decided enough was enough and went for a job that was much better for me and my family, less pay and worse still a temporary 9 month contract.  I'm half way through that now and hope things sort themselves out but I was fed up putting my life on hold.  I'm not telling them about the IVF as they really won't want to keep me on if they know so I'm just saying its a gynae op.  

Vickytick - that IVF programme sounds really interesting, wish I'd seen it.  I don't think anyone really understands everything that's involved until you actually go through it.  Sorry to hear you are on hold at the moment, but hopefully for the right reasons and this will help you achieve your dream  

Off to bed now, sweet dreams everyone x


----------



## princesspink96

Thanks CG, after giving it some thought if I get the job I won't tell them, I'm sure they'll honour my pre booked holiday or et and ec week off and I'll have to use lunch breaks for pre ec scans and make up the time. I'm jumping the gun........not had interview yet lol. Yes I'm at Derriford as well, we will probably meet there soon!

Well after reading this http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=226042.0 I've been to holland and Barrett today and stocked up. I rattle when I move 

Enjoy your Saturday evening ladies


----------



## Vickytick

*princesspink* probably the best idea. Think of yourself hun we do put way too much off for fertility. I was basically let go. Well suitable redeployment not found as thy knew my age and that I wanted kids. My friend was a manger in the same team and was pg so they didn't want 2 mgrs pg. But here I am 3 years on and still not pg. should have taken it up with HR at the I've but didn't. Good luck with going for the job. 

*cornishgal* it could all work out for the best a happier you makes a more relaxed you. X

Definitely think this uterus issue affected my IVF so hoping once Ive had the op my body will be ready to take on a ban. This is my theory. X

Hello to everyone else hope you are all okay. Xx


----------



## set55

Nosilab

sorry to hear your new   hope the going to see someone about it will help u both. 

just come back on here first time since new year.  Didn't have a good one had a big fight with dh the result of which he says he can't tell me how he's feeling as i'll overreact.  he now says he thinks more treatment is a waste of money despite saying he would do one last cycle but didn't want to tell me.  I'm so angry so this hasn't helped the mood in our house.  I want to do another cycle he says he'll do it if he must but now i know his hearts not in it.


----------



## princesspink96

Set55   How about you let the dust settle, do some nice things together and if necessary use your womanly wiles to bring him around to your way of thinking  

Seriously, the emotional stuff is not something I'd even considered and can, as you know, put immense strain on your relationship.  Even though you could probably quite cheerfully smother your dh with a pillow right now,  don't push each other away.  I'm sure you can get back on track


----------



## Claymore

Hope you don't mind me joining thread.

Had a failed ivf cycle (1st cycle and nhs funded) on 27th December - devastated !

Have had withdrawal bleed so now await 1st af before I get in touch with clinic.

Feel I can't move on with life - make plans or do anything basically feel like I have been stuck like this for last 5 years I'm sure u guys feel the same! 

Anyone any advice re questions to ask before next cycle? We appear to have no issues other than I found out I have an amh less than 4.  Any procedures which may help implantation? (had 2 prev natural mc) I took aspirin during ivf treatment.

Thank any advice appreciated xxx


----------



## Claymore

Hope you don't mind me joining thread.

Had a failed ivf cycle (1st cycle and nhs funded) on 27th December - devastated !

Have had withdrawal bleed so now await 1st af before I get in touch with clinic.

Feel I can't move on with life - make plans or do anything basically feel like I have been stuck like this for last 5 years I'm sure u guys feel the same! 

Anyone any advice re questions to ask before next cycle? We appear to have no issues other than I found out I have an amh less than 4.  Any procedures which may help implantation? (had 2 prev natural mc) I took aspirin during ivf treatment.

Thank any advice appreciated xxx


----------



## princesspink96

Hi Claymore, I didn't want to read and run!  I don't think in experienced enough to answer your questions but I'm sure you'll find someone if you search through the threads.


----------



## rhi81

Hi all,
Well was.supposed to.start last funded ivf this month finally got hold of hospital after being told begining of jan would be deffinatley be starting in jan only to be told they got no more money im in wales but at english hospital so i now got to wait til april im so fed up i was all ready mentally to start again and cant. Dont no if i can keep doing this its taken over my life for 12 yrs and i ni its only a few months but in a way i just wanted to get it over with. Started extreme fitness and diet now tryin to loose weight before next cycle im doin swimming one day then gym the next and eating lots of salad, sorry for the rant just had to get it out, oh well off to do dinner before swimming at 8 if snow eases up a bit.
Take care all
Rhi xx


----------



## Vickytick

*rhi81* I can totally empathise as I was supposed to start in dec after a 6 mth wait to be told I had to change clinics and now I'm waiting but unlikely to be before April so I feel for you especially wanting it over with. I'm not sure it will work so want to move onto other options. I hate the whole IVF process from injections to the 2ww it's all so hard. Nothing I can say will help but keeping busy is the key as is having things to look forward to.

*claymore * hi and welcome to a fab thread. I've had 2 failed IVF and 3 natural mc but just found out I have a prob that needs fixing which should stop mc. Have you had any tests such as immunes or scans to check everything is okay. These days they link mc with failed IVF as its all implantation so might be worth seeing if the dr will refer you for recurrent mc testing. I've had it hence the discovery of a physical problem. The low amh should not be too much of an issue not sure how old you are but I'm 39 in feb and have a low amh but still get eggs just not huge numbers.

*set55* sorry to hear about your row. It's the emotional and relationship strain part that no one understands or appreciates. Just want to say you are not alone we've all had 'those' rows but you need to talk once everyone is calmer.the time of year doesn't help as its all about new beginnings etc so we all have high hopes this will be our year. It's a tough one but to be homes you are the one who needs to stay calm o if he says he'll do it go ahead. It's the process he finds tough not the fact he doesn't want a baby please remember that men feel useless in IVF. Fingers crossed for you.


----------



## Mooncat

Hello ladies,

Hope everyone is doing ok. Tough time of year isn’t it? The cold and dark makes it hard to keep cheerful at the best of times! 

rhi81, sorry to hear you've had your plans put back, so frustrating. Sounds like you're doing well with the fitness stuff though, that seems like a great plan - help to keep you occupied whilst you wait and get you into the best shape for when treatment does start again  

set55, fertility issues are so tough on relationships  It's so frustrating for both parties, and it's inevitable that you sometimes take it out on each other. I had a big meltdown just after new year (I can do this, I've had enough, I don't want more treatment), which inevitably led to a heated discussion, accusations from both sides etc. I didn't mean what I said, I'm nervous of more treatment and scared about how I'll cope, but I just needed to let off steam. We've booked to see our clinic counsellor next month, is that an option for you? Hope you can work things out 

claymore, sorry to hear about you BFN, but you'll get lots of support from lots of lovely ladies on this thread   

AFM, I was back at the clinic this week to discuss FET. There’s no funding for any IVF treatment where we live, so we have to pay for it all ourselves, but the advantage of that is we can start whenever we want, so we’re all good to go as soon as AF shows up (sometimes towards the end of this month).

Will be leaving you lovely ladies too it and moving over to an FET thread. Take care, and I hope things progress on for you all, in whatever way xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Good luck mooncat   xx


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone,

How are we? Enjoying the snow?

*Mooncat* Paying does make the timing more manageable but does make you have to think about finances. Where I live we only got 1 go on NHS. Our FET using embryos from that cycle were not included so we have had to pay for 2 FET and a whole ICSI cycle. Was a big decision to say shall we look at trying again. Money will be tight 

*Set* How are you now? Hope things with DH are better. Maybe you both need a break and then have a chat and make plans together? 

AFM Think we have a plan of action forming which is good. Still need to sit with hubby and look at finances as really want to go with a different clinic who offer evening appointments would take away so much stress from trying to get time off work. Only problem is its more expensive. Guessing we won't be having any holidays or too many treats this year!

Hi to everyone else. Sorry cant do any more personals but off for a walk in the snow. Wish me luck!!!


----------



## Tilnutt

Morning All,

It's been some time since I've been on ff as I felt I needed a break from everything. However, I wanted to share something with you all as I found it amazing and very helpful to know...

DH & I went for our follow up appointment in Sept and we were advised that we should avoid alcohol completely for at least 3 months prior to starting our next cycle. DH was a regular drinker, 3-7 pints a week on average, but not a binge drinker. As you can imagine, he wasn't happy that he had to give it up but agreed as we both so desperately want this to work. Anyway, DH did his sample last Monday and his count was almost 4 times what it was last time   Gone from 2.6 million to 10 million! I got the most eggs I've ever had - 12, previous cycles were 7, 7 and 9. And we got two top grade blasts and two frozen - we have never managed to freeze any before. 

I couldn't believe the difference it made by avoiding alcohol for just three months, which in the grand scheme of things is not long. Hope this info helps when talking to DH if you are having the 'give up booze' talk

P.S DH also took the Strong Start vitamins for 2 months prior to sample.

Tilnutt xx


----------



## Laurah1982

Hello All,

Gosh it’s been a while since I came on here. Tried the tactic that if we didn't think about it - it will just happen (guess what, it didn't!)
So last time I came on here we had a BFN in August but we are ready to go again now. 

Well I say ready, my husband is in the Navy and is not home at the moment. I got his leave dates for Easter and Summer. Thought I was doing well, this information is sometimes hard to come by.
Then I find out my clinic aren't doing any egg collection for the dates I gave them. Now I’m going to have to wait till possibly this Christmas.........arggggh. 

Am I being impatient? Anyone have these problems with other halves being in the forces? I don’t understand why they can’t give him 5 days off, he’s not even at sea!

Bottom line is I don’t want to wait that long and when it comes round he will probably be sent to sea or something. Time is of the essence and I hate that a job is stopping us for going ahead.
With all the other hurdles (money, emotions etc) and then fall at the last hurdle grumble grumble.

Any advice appreciated


----------



## LilyFlower..

Claymore, just wanted to say I took prednisolone and clexane  with my last two cycles at the GCRM, both times I had a bio-chemical.  They now suggest I get a "scratch" in the LP stage of my cycle before the next ICSI cycle we do.  Seemingly this helps with implantation.  

With an AMH of <4 you could take DHEA although I've read some nasty side effects, spotty skin, loss of hair and upset stomach.  It's meant to improve your eggs but you won't increase the amount.

HTH


----------



## yogabunny

Hi Laurah, just a quick message as I should be sleeping! to say that my OH works on music tours and so can be away for weeks at a time, the clinic offered to freeze sperm so we could cycle, we haven;t needed to yet as dates have fallen ok so far and next I will be doing FET so...  maybe this an option for you too. Lots of luck


----------



## princesspink96

Tilnutt that's fascinating about your results from being booze free.  We're starting our 2nd cycle soon and both gave up alcohol at the beginning of this month and will continue until after treatment.  Hopefully for me it will be for a lot longer  . I can't believe the difference it's made for you, helps harden my resolve as I must admit I'm struggling!

Hope everyone else is doing ok   x


----------



## set55

Mogster

things are not really better for me no decision has been reached at all.  I think DH is quite happy not to broach the subject at all and just hope it goes away, he will never be the one to mention it so its down to me to bring it up and then i look like the villain cos i've started the argument.  We are both on hol next week not doing anything just chilling i hope maybe i will be whisked away for a night NOT 

laters


----------



## NicL

Hi ladies

I have not posted on here before but have followed you for a bit. We are hoping to start our next cycle in march/april following a missed miscarrige from our first ICSI. Just wanted to say hi.

On the DHEA thing - i took it for a while and had no real side affects bar a few spots but i get a bit like that around af anyway so it wasnt very noticable

princesspink96 - good luck with the no booze. I plan to stop nearer to treatment. how did you get dh to stop? i am struggling with mine as his last sperm test was really good (having been rubbish a year ago) so he doesnt think he needs to bother!

hope everyone is well

xx


----------



## princesspink96

Hi NicL, I'm just waiting for AF to arrive so can start second cycle, proposed ec is w/c 15th April so we may be cycling around the same time?

We have to pay for this cycle which is why dh is off the booze, and in the grand scheme of things 3 months is not that long, especially if it drastically improves our numbers and egg quality.  Also the memory of our last failure is spurring us both on.

Without meaning to sound like an alcoholic I'm finding it difficult at times and have to stop myself licking the TV when a wine advert comes on  

Big  to all xx


----------



## rhi81

Hi princesspink, nicl
Im supposed to be having 2nd cycle april as well maybe we can keep each other sane lol good luck both
rhi xx


----------



## Vickytick

*princesspink* You made me laugh  No you are not an alcoholic but it is hard but it does get easier I find the first month is the hardest then you kind of forget about it. The hardest thing is going out and or round houses for dinner and everyone saying 'oh one won't do any harm' etc etc. The thing is its nice to have a drink when you are feeling a bit down or want to relax. There is nothing better, for me, than a nice bath, candles, my book and a glass of wine - pure bliss as no-one get in there with me however much the dog cries outside the door...

Hope everyone else is doing okay. Tough time of year this waiting for spring to come and the weather has been so awful recently its enough to depress us all.

 to all you lovely kindred spirits.

x


----------



## princesspink96

Hi Rhi yes I'm sure we will keep in touch when we're cycling, helps to be able to moan,rant and vent to others who fully understand!

Thanks for the advice Vicky, I've avoided all social situations so far but that's easy in January when everyone's waiting for pay day.  I never say no to a drink or a night out so my friends are worried about me - I'm telling everyone it's a personal challenge and I want to prove to myself I can do it.  As much as it pains me to say it after the first couple of weeks where I felt lethargic, I'm now feeling good and sleeping really well.  I'm also taking a selection of (10!) vitamins and supplements every day which may also have something to do with it, you can probably hear me rattling if you hold your laptop to your ear  

January is depressing but it's nearly over and we start heading slowly into spring.

H  to all x


----------



## NicL

hey ladies

I probably wont start downregging til april - still waiting for first af after the miscarriage and i am guessing they wont start tretment til we have had 2 or three so it could even slip in to may...god how depressing is that. I should have been 6mths pg in may  . but yes it will be good to keep each other going.

Princesspink   - you sound like i feel. I have not packed it in just yet but i am trying to cut down again. Told myself i will give up when af arrives. I have a girls night out on sat and am going to get quite drunk i think, but after that it  is back to being good again.

The one advantage of giving up the booze is that last time i lost 5 pounds when downregging - just from no booze (and i am only 8 and a half stone!). And i did notice my skin was a bit better too. I get red skin on my nose  (makes me look like a right lush!) and that went down a bit. 

The issue i have with not drinking is what to drink. I don't particularly like fizzy drinks - the odd lemonade is ok but really what i want is a nice cuppa. Looks a bit odd in the pub on a sat night


----------



## princesspink96

Evening ladies, how is everyone doing?

NicL I don't think I'll lose any weight as I have replaced wine with cake  . Have you had your follow up appointment yet?  It seems like a long wait but it'll be here before you know it.  Gives you time to get physically and emotionally ready for your next cycle.  I've got a leaving do coming up and I don't know what to drink either, there's only so much lemonade one girl can take.  How about J20? Or go all Dot Cotton from Eastenders and have a tomato juice!

Set55 sorry to hear you haven't reached a resolution with dh yet.  Hopefully some time off together next week will help


----------



## Vickytick

Very quiet on here hope everyone is okay  

Not much to report from me trundling along with life waiting for my op with RMC but despite chase up no date yet been 6 weeks since appt so getting frustrated now as time is ticking I'm 39 in two weeks   x


----------



## star17

Hello everyone.  I hope it's Ok to join you on this thread.  I had my first ICSI last year which resulted in a BFP followed by a good scan, a bad scan, an OK scan and then a very bad scan and MM (boo).  After an emotional roller coaster, I am picking myself up for round two which like Nicl is likely to be in May.  I think I need the time or my body to recover and to enjoy my life for a bit (although maybe less than I thought having just read the three month alchohol ban!).  So I thought I would join here with others waiting until next time.  Nice to meet you all.  xxx


----------



## Lorella

Hi everyone. I would like to join to if that's ok.
Star - I think I am in a similar situation to you at the moment 😊. I got my BFN last Saturday after first failed IVF. I have my follow up appointment on 28th Feb and I think I have worked out will be starting DR middle of May all going well.
In the meantime by my calculations I have about 1 month where I have got something booked for every weekend to try and get some sort of social life back before I start my 3 month detox middle of March!!
Sorry to hear about your MM Star. That must have been very emotional for you. Lets keep our fingers crossed that we all have better luck with our next cycles 😊
Vicky tick - I know what you mean about time a ticking. Just had my 37th birthday and wished it was my 27th! I am out for my birthday tonight so looking forward to having a bit of fun after an emotional few weeks. 
Hope everyone is ok and looking forward to getting to know you all xx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Hi ladies, 

Just got BFN after 2nd IVF cycle, first was cancelled due to OHSS.

Has anyone else started af whilst still on the progesterone? I started on Thurs-10dp5dt, it was only light at first but has got progressively worse and now like a normal period. I am just wondering how much worse it is likely to get once I stop the progesterone after my appt tomorrow? I am also confused as to why I had come on during progesterone , I have read that this is not supposed to happen? 

Hope everyone is doing OK  

X


----------



## Lorella

Hi Daydreamer. Really sorry to hear about your BFN  
I started spotting at 9dp2dt then spotted all week, got my BFN on OTD, stopped the progesterone and got my AF properly 2 days later. It was quite painful first couple of days but that's nothing new. I think it's different for everyone and depends how thick your lining has got. I have read of lots of women who have got AF on progesterone so does happen. I personally think I got my AF on 9dpt and the progeterone was just holding it off. 
Hope your appointment goes ok xx


----------



## Wookster

Hi guys

Can I join in...? Am currently going through a chemical pregnancy and resulting inevitable bleed  

This was our first round of ivf and our next step is to use 2 frozen embryos in about 8weeks times.

I was thinking of buying a piece of jewellery in memory of the loss....any ideas ...was thinking about a necklace / maybe charm bracelet but the charms I have seen are not quite hitting the mark....

Wookster
Xx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Thanku Lorella   I will just see how I get on after tomorrow, I will expect it to get much worse and if not it will be a bonus I guess! At least I can have a lovely hot bubble bath tomorrow! 

 wookster, sending u big hugs! I think that is a lovely idea, I think things like that really help! I personally had a tattoo to mark this time in my life just after my operation when they said there was no chance of conceiving naturally. it cam after years of gynae problems, 5 years of unprotected and 2 years of really trying for a baby. I felt it was a big step in my life at the time and if I eventually get lucky I never want to forget our journey, I also needed a tattoo covering over so it felt right! After our first cycle was cancelled in December I felt so lost, all my hope had gone...my lovely husband bought me a charm for my links of London bracelet. It is called the anchor of hope, it is beautiful. It was quite expensive so I wear it as a necklace as I would hate to lose it, in a weird way it has brought me comfort and hope...I am sure u will find something that feels right for u and has the same affect! 

X


----------



## Lorella

Hi Wookster 😊. Sorry to hear of your chemical pregnancy. I too think its a lovely idea to get something. All these little things help. It's not quite for the same reasons but my mum got me a small marble heart when we started this journey and I keep it with me in my phone case. That helps me xx


----------



## NicL

hi ladies

star so sorry to see you know here honey. Been thinking of you heaps and wondering how you had got on. Can't believe there are so many of us from the cycling thread who have ended up with m/c. So sad. Hopefully we will be cycling togather again tho be nice to have a buddy! Will you be using a frosty? We have to start fresh and self funded this time. ouch!

Three month no booze thing is hard. Am in porto at the mo on a girl hols with my best mate drinking lots of port. A bit naughty but nice. Could get used a bit too to it!

wookster - sounds lovely idea. A friend gave me a marble egg for good luck. Someone gave it to her when she went through ivf. She has a little boy now. Dream of the day when i have a baby and can pass it on. 

x


----------



## star17

Hello ladies!

Nicl - really sorry to see you here also.  I was very surprised how many of us ended up with a m/c, I think I was a little naive coming into this for the first time.  But hey, onwards we go!  I haven't decided whether to use our 1 frosty or have a fresh cycle.  I am going to chat to the doctor (nhs) and see what they say (and if they will pay as last time was SO expensive!).  Fingers crossed.....  It would be lovely to have a buddy, fingers crossed we will be trying at te same time.  I have also had a spot of port this week!  Yummy!

Wookster - that is a lovely idea.  I am thinking a cherry tree in my new garden as a memory.  I think it is important to mark what happened.  Although, I love the idea of Links.....

Hi to everyone.  Take care all xxx


----------



## Wookster

Hi

Thanks for your ideas I have been looking at some nice pieces of jewellery and think I am going to purchase a necklace I have seen.  

How is everyone today? 

Wookster x


----------



## Lorella

Hi everyone,
Daydreamer - hope AF has not been too bad for you 😊
NicL - that's lovely about the marble egg. The time will come for you to pass it on Hun 😊
Wookster - the necklace sounds like a lovely idea 😊
Hi to everyone else and hope everyone's doing ok x

I have had a new burst of positivity this week! I have decided that as long as my appointment goes ok with doc next week I am going to jump straight back in and so will therefore start DR at the end of March. I am therefore focusing on a major get healthy regime! I've created a spreadsheet and stuck it on my fridge!  (Saddo!) Have already ticked off half a pint of milk, pint of water and a 20 minute jog today!! Am a teacher so on half term so a good time to get motivated. Right off to eat some Brazil's....... Xx


----------



## Wookster

Well done you lorella - I am a teacher too so this is a good week for me to find out about the chemical preg.

I think my next cycle won't start for another 8 weeks so have worked out even if it is positive I wouldn't be on mat leave til next Feb so I am going to take the opportunity to apply for 2 other jobs I have seen. I have been at my school now for 7 years and feel if I don't go I will be there forever hahahaha it's such a difficult decision as getting time off for appts at the mo is not a problem might not be so lucky in future schools.

Xx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Hi everyone, hope you are all doing OK  

Wookster, it is lovely to hear that you have found a necklace, I hope it brings you some comfort when you do get it.

Lorella, good for you with your positivity   You are most definately not a saddo for your spreadsheet, it it helps you keep motivated and do what you need to do then good for you!

Nic...hope you are enjoying your hol & the port & star17 hope you have enjoyed your port too...at least we can have a little tipple for a while to keep us going I think we all deserve it  

Thank you for asking, AF has almost disappeared since I stopped the progesterone, very strange!! I too am feeling quite positive, I feel stronger and have my fight back! Hopefully it is contagious on this thread! I too am setting myself some goals and getting back into my running, I did 1 mile last night and it was HELL...I haven't ran for 4 months since before my wedding. I was so embarassed not being able to even run a mile so it has made me even more determined! 

Lots of love to everyone
xx


----------



## Lorella

Wookster - you go for it Hun. I have been in my school for 10 years but I like it there and don't like change very much! I am hoping to stay until I get pregnant and then go part time there ..... Well that's the plan 😊. Good luck with your applications.  🍀
Daydreamer - thanks 😊. Glad you are feeling more positive. Know what you mean about the running. I went again today and had to walk some of it and it was only round the block!  I have very achy legs and arms today. However I am determined to go again at the weekend. We can only get better! 
Hi everyone else and hope you're all ok 😊
xx


----------



## Mogster

Hi all 
Haven't posted for a while but I'm still here keeping up to date with you all.

*Lorella* and *Wookster* I'm also a teacher and have been at my school for a long time. I thought about leaving but always had the thought I'd get pregnant so that would be my break away.  Sadly I'm still there and childless. It's has it's benefits as so many people know me and don't ask questions as they obviously have gathered I can't have children. It also makes it slightly easier getting time off as I'm never normally off. My head doesn't know about my cycles she just knows I have women's problems so have an operation here and there. Mist of my treatments have fallen during school holidays. Don't think I'll leave for a while now as we recently had ofsted so might as well enjoy next couple of years!!!

Welcome to all the new people and sorry you find yourself here.
     for you all x


----------



## NicL

hi ladies

lorella - loving the spreadsheet idea - might steal that one! I am a bit of a spreasheet obsessive already (currently doing on for  cleaning rota for my house - sick of feeling like a live in student digs. DH doesn't knoe ehat will hit him!) My accupuncturist has told me to eat more iron as she thinks i am defficient - but along with the millk, and the brazil nuts and all the other things we are supposed to be eating i am getting mega confused (and will be the size if a house if i dont watch it).

daydreamer - good on you. A mile is a great start - you'l be running 10k's before you know it. DH wants us to go tomorrow (ugh!) - hate it when i am doing it but feel good after. Went to body balance today which is a mix of yoga and pilate. Really enjoyed it - just need to keep it up

.hope everyon else is doing ok

xx


----------



## KittykathIvas

Hello, hoping you don't mind me joining you girls.

I'm currently going through a chemical pregnancy after our first round of ICSI. I had such an horrendous time with the stims I don't think I can go through that part again.  We do have 2 frosties though, if they don't work I'm not sure what we'll do. 

Not really sure of our next step but one moment I'm positive the next I feel really sorry for myself!! I'm supprised how devistated I am last week got my BFP, this week I'm having the worst period of my life!

Anyway I'm new to the site and have quickly moved from the 'ladies in waiting' thread to here. Reading you're posts had made me realise I'm not alone! 

Xxx


----------



## Lorella

Mogster - we will get our maternity leave one day soon 😊. Are you able to go for another cycle? I am hoping for a miracle - having BMS as ovulating at mo (i think!). You never know! I have just found out a close working colleague is pregnant. She will be exactly the same place in her pregnancy I would have been if my first cycle had worked. Gonna be tough but it has made me more determined to get on with the next cycle. Everyone there knows I have 'lady problems' and my HT knows about the IVF and is very supportive which is good. Poor you having Ofsted but at least you can relax a bit as you say! 😓
NicL - oh yes I love a good list or spreadsheet! Am Miss organised! Good luck with your cleaning rota 😊. I have got this really good AP called Myfitnesspal. You enter all your food and exercise and it counts the exact calories and tells you all the nutrients in the food and what you should be getting. From that I worked out I was getting NO iron!!! Now I get it from my pregnacare tablet but otherwise I am also lacking a lot of that in my diet. I also discovered that the spread I was using was very rich in vitamin A which we are not supposed to have a lot of so have switched from that. 
KittyKathIvas - welcome Hun. I am sorry to hear about your chemical pregnancy. What side effects did you get from the Stimms? Feeling up and down is only natural. Make sure you give yourself some time to get back to normal, enjoy a few nights out and a glass of wine. That's what I did and then a few days later I just woke up and thought.... Right lets do this again and felt all excited and positive again. You will get to that point 😊. 
Hope everyone else is ok and having a nice weekend xx


----------



## KittykathIvas

Lorella - hello, I had wine Friday and last night, felt extremely guilty and was the first since new year. 

I got OHSS, sick, so bloated, shortness of breath, constipation (I didn't go properly for nearly a week), generally bruised and battered belly from the injections.  Lots of free fluid around my ovaries that were measuring big, I think 6.5cm or something. Not sure the doctors think I should do it again, not sure I want to, although not bad enough for the hospital so surely there's a chance I could. 

Need to read up properly on everyone on this thread so can see what you're all going through. Nice to have buddies as i'm not sure everyone around me really understands xx


----------



## KittykathIvas

When do you start again lorella?


----------



## Lorella

Hi KittyKathIvas - I am really sorry to hear about the tough time that you had with the Stimms. One of my cycle buddy friends got OHSS on a previous cycle. On her next one they monitored her very carefully and she didnt get it. Now she is 7 weeks and waiting for her first scan. There is probably a thread with some success stories on for OHSS that would hopefully give you some more hope 😊. Maybe the clinic will be able to change your medication or protocol so you have less chance of developing it on another cycle. Do you have PCOS? 
I had my first drink the day I got my BFN at the beginning of Feb and hadn't had one since end of October. It definitely felt a bit weird, almost like a novelty. I stopped drinking for the whole 3 months and didn't get BFP so not gonna be so strict this time. 
I have my post cycle appointment on Thurs so will find out then but hopefully can start straight away so hoping to start DR end March. No frosties as have low AMH and lucky to get the amount of eggs I did but get 2 NHS cycles XX


----------



## KittykathIvas

That's great the 2 cycles on nhs. We get the one but 2 frosties hopefully means I don't need to think about the whole cycle again just yet if ever ...   I don't have pcos no, I have low reserve, is that omh? So they put me on high stimms and I reacted really well.
Great also that you are starting soon, I want and need to get straight back onto it. Their going to do some tests for auto immune issues first but hoping that will be quick. Paying this time now   
Not really sure how long you have to wait?? X


----------



## Lorella

Oh yes of course didn't think. Of course if you do FET you don't need to do stimms do you? That would be better for you I am sure 😊. Good luck with your frosties. 
Yes low egg reserve is low AMH. Mine was measured at 7.2 which is in the low category but I have seen lots of ladies on here getting eggs with much lower levels so that's always given me hope. I was on very high stimms. 450 menopur to 2 waters. Don't think you can go any higher! Still wasn't great with slow growing follies. Had to stimm for longer but got there in the end! Hope they can change the medication somehow next time to help my follies grow better. Fingers crossed  
Good luck with your tests. I wonder if I will have anymore. Hadn't really thought about that. All clinics are different but mine said I only need one proper period and then can start next cycle. Some say 2 or 3. I've read up on it and I don't think it makes much difference looking at statistics xx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Hi ladies,

Just popping on to see how everyone is doing? 

I haven't been running again since the other day and I have drunk lots of southern comfort over the weekend...so much for determination   I will be back on it tomorrow though! 

Kittykathivas...I totally understand why you are so worried about stimms again after your experience! They will most likely tweak your dose slightly if you do need to go for it again (fingers crossed you won't with your frozen embies). I overstimulated on my first cycle and it had to be abandoned, I thought I felt well in myself at the time just heavy, v. bloated, vomitting etc I thought everything I felt was supposed to happen when having stimms, I was on a low dose of 150iu of menopur so they reduced it to 112.5iu for the 2nd cycle and I felt so much better and I didn't overstimulate this time and it is only now I look back and realise what I felt during the first cycle was not normal and how poorly I actually felt!! A small difference in the dose made a massive difference to my body. But like I said fingers crossed you won't have to go through stimms again anyway  

Hope everyone is well   xx


----------



## Mogster

Evening all 
*Lorella* Yes we are going to have another cycle. Just waiting couple of months to start the fund up again. We only had our first ICSi on NHS so have paid for 2 FET and a whole ICSI so need some cash behind us. Also we think I may have to have some more tests and treatment before we cycle again. We are also changing clinics so it's all up in the air. May have appointment at new clinic soon and see what they have to say.

*Kittykath* sorry you are here but welcome  Each cycle is different so  whatever your next steps are that they are smooth for you.

Hi to everyone else. I'm off to get ready for work tomorrow. Had a great week off but back to reality tomoro 

          to all the special ladies


----------



## butterfly_469

Hi ladies, 

This is my first ivf cycle and it ended a few weeks ago. I started bleeding 5 days before OTD, I bled for a few days on and off. For the last 12 days iv had brown discharge and am wondering how long this will carry on for?   I am struggling to cope but our next cycle is booked for June. I just can't believe my cycle failed and even though iv had 2 neg tests, I still feel the need to do more!


----------



## Daydreamer88

Mogster...I too have the Sunday night feeling   hope work isn't too bad for you!

Butterfly     I know exactly how you feel, I started bleeding 4 days before OTD but I haven't had much since...I think they tell you to prepare for heavier and longer period so it just seems so strange when it is just the brown discharge, I think it is just our bodies adjusting to all the medications leaving our system. When do you have your failed cycle review? Massive   to u x


----------



## butterfly_469

Daydreamer thank you  , yes my clinic told me it would be heavy so I prepared for the worst. My clinic saw me very quickly, I had my appt last week. It's good to know I'm not alone but sorry your in the same situation   have u had your review?


----------



## Finky1983

Hi ladies, can't believe I am back again. It was only a month again I was here. My 2nd cycle failed last week. I started spotting last Thursday and then bleeding heavily Friday. My OTD was Saturday and of course was BFN. I am devastated as this was the 2nd time I haven't made it to OTD without bleeding. Me and DH have one more try on nhs and have to wait until June/July to see the consultant to discuss what we can do next. I just know what else they can do, I have been on two different protocols. If our 3rd one doesn't work then I don't thnk we can do it again and will try a donor. We just don't know wha to do


----------



## Daydreamer88

Wow butterfly that is good that you have had your follow-up quickly. How did it go? I have not had my review yet, it was supposed to be n 6th March but I have managed to get it brought forward to this Friday  

Oh Finky   . Have you had/thought about any further investigations? I am only asking as it is something that is playing on my mind a bit but I think my consultant will think I am crazy after 1 BFN...I know it's hard but please don't loose hope, there is lots that they can do. Have you had progesterone levels checked as you are bleeding before OTD? When I am feeling like you I go and look at lots of the posts on here and you see people's signatures that have had multiple cycles before a BFP and my hope is restored somewhat. I saw a quote a while ago that has stuck with me ... "Its hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but its harder to give up when you know it's everything you have ever wanted"...don't give up hope  

x


----------



## Finky1983

Hi daydreamer,

I would love to get it investigated more but I have to wait 1-2 weeks for a letter for my follow up and because its my last try on the nhs they said it won't be for 6months. I think this is why I am so upset at the minute as its such a long time. I am just so down at the moment and I have given up everything to do this and its not working. I was a dancer and stopped to start a family over a year ago using ivf, I teach now of a evening but would love to have a job during the day but cos of constant appointments that's not possible and to top it off i moved over a year ago too and have none of my family or friends around me, I still don't know anyone. Hoping that would all change when I fell pregnant but that's not happening either. Feel like I have hit a brick wall, sorry for the moaning xxx.


----------



## butterfly_469

Finky   and praying your next cycle gives you a beautiful baby worth waiting for     from a girl who also lives away from family and friends. My DH goes away with work and its so difficult to be alone. 

Daydreamer they explained why it might not have worked. They said my blast was not a top grade, it was 3bc. It was possible that there was abnormalities. I asked if the crinone was good enough as I bled before OTD, they said it was the best. They said there is nothing more me and DH can do to make it better next time, as my cycle went well. I have read that the ease of transfer can make a difference to the result. My transfer was difficult and the blast had to be transferred to a harder plastic tube as they couldn't get the other one to where they needed to. My next appt is may and I will start my cycle again in June. I am really pleased about this as I will be off work for summer hols and it will remove all the stress I had this time round   I might get to put 2 embryos back next time, if the quality isn't top notch! Good luck for Friday!!


----------



## Finky1983

Can I ask how long people wait for follow ups?? This is what I am finding hard as 1st failed cycle they gave me my follow up over the phone a week after and I could move on as I knew what was wrong and what could happen next. But I have to wait 5 months for my follow up and I want to know what will happen next and what they can do to improve or what I can do


----------



## butterfly_469

Wow finky that is a long time! I called last Monday and got an appt the following thurs. Which was 5 days after OTD. Hope you can get a sooner one x


----------



## Finky1983

Butterfly was that with the nhs??


----------



## Fudgey

Hi everyone. I'm a little nervous as this is my first post on FF, although I've been following various threads for a number of months and I must say, just reading other people's stories & experiences has been an amazing support to me so far. 

Can I just start by saying to you all on this thread, I'm sorry that you find yourselves here. I really am. 

My DH and I have recently failed our 1st attempt at IVF ICSI. It's pretty devastating isn't it! Our OTD was 9th Feb, but AF arrived for me on the 7th which was just awful, I felt totally cheated! I so wanted to reach my test date with some sort of hope still there. And I really didn't realise just how hard failure would hit me, but I'm starting to feel a little better & my hope & positivity is slowly returning. We mustn't dwell for too long I suppose! 

We have our follow up appt tomorrow, so that's just over 2 wks since our OTD. Our plan is to go straight into a FET. We have one frozen embie. 

My main questions for tomorrow are going to be about why my AF turned up, and I'd also like to know a little more about our embryos as we weren't told the gradings of them, just how many cells we were at on day 3. I'm not sure I'll get all the answers I'm looking for. I guess I just want to hear that there's still hope for us. 

Any advice as to what else I should ask/expect from tomorrow?


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## Lorella

Hi Fudge. Sorry to hear about your BFN. It's tough but you are right about the positivity slowly returning 😊. Your cycle timings are similar to mine. My OTD was 9th Feb too. I started spotting on 4th and didn't stop. My appointment is Thursday and I am also going to ask them about why this happened. Some other questions I am gonna ask areo you think my progesterone was high enough? Are there any other tests you think would help? Do you recommend DHEA? Was there anything wrong with my DH'S sperm? Would a different protocol or more meds help? Is there any benefit to waiting or should we start next cycle straight away? 
Good luck with your appointment xx
Hi to Butterfly and Finky. Sorry to hear about your cycles.  
Hope everyone else is ok xx


----------



## Fudgey

Hi Lorella, thanks for your reply. Sorry for your failed cycle. 

Those questions are helpful, I've made a note to ask about whether my progesterone intake was high enough, DH's sperm quality and about the meds I was on. Oh, and I'll definitely ask about when we can get started again. 

When I spoke to clinic to give in my test result the nurse mentioned that they make you wait 3 periods before starting treatment again. I'd like to get going as soon as we can but I don't mind a few months wait, this cycle tired me out physically & emotionally so maybe better to recover fully before giving it another go. 

Good luck on Thursday x


----------



## Lorella

Thanks Fudgey. I asked the same thing to my nurse and I only have to have 1 proper AF after the one I had after BFN. That's coming up so all going well could start DR end of March. I am in 2 minds though whether to wait a bit. Really not sure what to do. Hopefully clinic will make my mind up xx


----------



## butterfly_469

Yes I'm NHS finky. 
Hi fudgy sorry to hear your cycle failed but good luck with your FET. My first cycle failed a few weeks ago to, I have no frosties though   I asked my clinic about the bleeding before OTD and didn't really get an answer. I questioned the progesterone and asked if there was anything we could do for next time. I was also only told the grade of my blast in my follow up appt. 
hi lorella


----------



## Fudgey

Lorella, it's hard to know what to do for the best isn't it? I guess if you feel ready to go just do it, but then again if there's any doubt in your mind then one more month won't make a massive difference, and it may be better to wait it out. I'm due on next week, and I did think to myself if that comes on time (I'm regular as clockwork usually!) then I'd be happy to maybe start in April on my next one if clinic lets me. 

Hi Butterfly, sorry to hear about your failed cycle. Interesting that you only found out grading in your follow up appt, I wonder why they do that? The past couple of weeks me & DH have been wondering loads about just how good our little embryo was. I know we have one frozen, which I'm thankful for now. But on our transfer day we really wanted both of them put back in, and we were convinced otherwise by our embryologist. I really hope that was the right decision!


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies

I know 6 months seems a long time itbut it goes quite quickly if you keep busy. I've had nearly a year between cycles due to tests and nhs waiting lists. I don't get enough eggs to freeze so its fresh each time. I'm waiting for my 3 rd and final go and it's been 8 mths since my last one. I've had different drugs and amounts each time but never had a bfp yet I've had 2 natural pg in 3 1/2 yrs although mc each time. This will be my last go then its onto alternatives ie no kids or adoption.

The wait is tough and I don't work either so it's lonely as I know that'll having a baby helps you to make friends. It's what we are all waiting for.

*finky* try seeing if FF has a local board near you. I've made a v good friend from that and was just at her sons christening at the weekend. It might help to meet others in the same boat. Where do you live perhaps another lovely lady on this thread lives near you?

Hold on in there ladies. Lots of hugs 

Xx


----------



## Fudgey

Hi all, hi vickytick - so sorry to read about your mcs & failed cycles, that's a rough ride. Hope your final cycle goes well for you and you don't need to consider other options x Any idea when you'll be starting?

We had our follow up appt today. It went fairly well, the doc was one step ahead of me on all of my questions which was nice! Our grades were both 2/3, although he didn't really bother going in to too much detail, just said they were good quality which is fair enough. All in all, the cycle went well. I did mention that I wasn't too keen on the DR stage of my cycle as I got the most horrendous headaches, and doc is happy for me to go on a short protocol if we need another fresh cycle which would cut out the DR stage altogether. I'm happy with that! He also made a note to up my progesterone to 3 times a day instead of 2.

As for the FET, we're good to go after my next period, so it'll be April for us. And we are going to go for a natural cycle, so no drugs. Woohoo! Just hope the little darling thaws ok now! 

So all in all, a good day. Hope you all ok x


----------



## Tinky27

Hey!

Does anyone have any advice on treatment after x4 ovulation induction treatments (menopur injections)?
I conceived on the first cycle but bfn ever since :-(
We were told iui could be the next step but I've heard the success rates aren't great and maybe IVF is a better option?
Any advice ladies would be greatly appreciated!

Also can anyone recommend any good clinic is Hampshire?

Thanks in advance!

X x x

Read more: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=300308.1560#ixzz2M3NkCrut


----------



## Daydreamer88

Hello,

How is everyone doing?


Tinky...sorrry I don't have any advice but sorry that you find yourself here   I am sure somebody in the know will be along with some advice

xx


----------



## Vickytick

Sorry Tinky I've only ever had IVF with super ovulation between cycles o can't comment on iui. Best of luck though. 

Fudgey - I've got to have an op in April that will hopefully  resolve my mc probs then onto nhs waiting list but as I'm 39 I shouldn't have to wait long so looking at June now that's if we go ahead though. Not sure we are going to yet.

Xx


----------



## tjennym

Hi everyone  

DH and i will be going for our 3rd and final ivf in May and similarly to all you ladies we have loads of questions around egg quality, progesterone levels etc.

I was wondering if someone could offer me some advice now though?  My otd was last Wed 20/2 - got a bfn but I've not had any bleeding and I stopped the crinone gel 19/2 so that was over a week ago.  Today I took a CB OPK and it had a smiley face  .  Now......... does that mean I am ovulating already or is it just the ivf drugs messing with me - I would have thought I would have been clear of these by now though though??

I know some of you might say do a HPK but I hate those things   after so many disappointments in the past.  I don't have any symptoms and have only had the odd / tiny bit of brown spotting but no real AF yet!

Jen x


----------



## Lorella

Hi lovely ladies,
Hope everyone's ok. 

Fudgey - thanks for your advice. I definitely feel ready but not necessarily positive. If the doc says tomorrow it will make no difference waiting, I think I am gonna go for it 😊. Your DR sounds like he knows what he's talking about. Glad the appointment went well. Nice that you don't have to have any drugs! 

Vicky tick - Hope you don't have to wait too long for your next cycle and your op sorts out your problems. 

Tinky - sorry I can't help either I am afraid. I have had IVF and don't know about IUI. Good luck 🍀

Tjennym - I wish I could help but I don't have any answers I am afraid. I got my AF 2 days after stopped the progesterone. I would guess that your AF must be round the corner but the positive OPK is a bit confusing.  

Daydreamer - hi. Hope your ok 😊

Hi to everyone else. 

I have my follow up appointment tomorrow. I have a long list of questions. Haven't shown them to my DH yet. I know he's gonna cringe when I get them out! 
XX


----------



## Daydreamer88

Tjenny...I was told by at the nurse consultation that if it doesn't work and af doesn't arrive they may need to give u an injection to bring it on, I didn't need to as bled 4 days before OTD. Although I am not sure about the  on OPK...u should give the nurses at your clinic a call for some advice! 

Lorella...I am doing OK thanks, feeling a bit down today but tomorrow is another day! Good luck with your review, let us know how you get on! Don't blame you for questions, you should leave it as a nice surprise for DH!! 

I have written a long list of questions as I have managed to get an appt to see consultant on Friday & I showed DH the list and he was mortified, he just laughed! We counted them up and there was 37   I will have to cut it down I think   to be honest I have got a bit carried away with some of them considering it was first full cycle but I figure you don't get to see consultant much at our clinic so what the heck...DH doesn't agree and is v embarrassed!!  

Hello to everyone else  

Xx


----------



## tjennym

Daydreamer - when I soke to the nurse on Tuesday she said wait another week and if no AF then call them so I guess that's when they will give me advice / injection.  Hate being stuck in limbo land though    37 Q's!! - hope you take along a packed lunch, lol.  Go for it! xx

Lorella - good luck at your review.  I can't wait for mine as I'll also have a list as long as my arm.  When I talk about things to ask with DH he seems to already know the answer??  Think he's been sneakily Dr Googling even though he tells me off for it!   xx

Hi to all the other ladies  

I took another OPK again today and still   face - what?

Jen x


----------



## Finky1983

Hi ladies,

How is everyone?? I have started to feel a little normal again and I am now coming round to the fact we have one more try. We are just gonna give it our best shot in the been while. DH started cycling last yer so he is stopping that from today and getting the loose boxers on and vits etc, we were both on so many vits last cycle but we didn't give it much time to get into our bodies so at least having 5-6 months til our next treatment it will all ready. Still waiting for date however for follow up, the nurses have said when the letter arrives I can call for a cancellation or try to get it brought forward but with it being the nhs I can't see it being much more than June/July. Can I ask what sort of questions we should ask?? I know I am asking about progesterone. As I notice my bobs deflate about 2days before I bleed before my OTD, not a good sign.


----------



## Lorella

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=261901.0

I got a lot of questions from here. If the link doesn't work it's in our forum section at the top as a locked board. Just off to clinic. Will update later! xx

I am back! Mostly a positive experience. Just felt myself welling up when I told him about my awful reaction to the progesterone. I got severe chills. He said it wasn't because of that. I said it definately was! You know when you know your own body...... Anyway he wasn't having it so if I get them again I will have to go to my GP. Doesn't stop me worrying that it may be because my progesterone was to low though.... 
He has changed me to flare protocol so only have to inject for 2 weeks and I start in about 10 days! Yikes - that's soooo much sooner than expected! Exciting though. He's also upping my drugs to 600 Stimms! 
He answered most of my questions before I got my list out and DH even piped up with a question of his own ...... ' will the odd beer make any difference?' No apparently!!

Daydreamer and Jen - thanks for your good luck wishes &#128522;
Daydreamer - hope you are feeling better today Hun &#128522;. Good luck with your appointment tomorrow. Don't worry about your list. I got the impression they are very used to it! 
Finky - glad you are feeling more positive today. I hope you get an earlier appointment but as you say it will be good to have time to get all fit and healthy. That's one thing I will not be able to do so much now. My boobs also did that, followed by pain , then spotting, then BFN. I know what signs I will not be wanting to see this time round. 
Hope everyone else is ok
Xx


----------



## Lorella

Hey ladies,

I am going to hot foot it over to the march/April cycle buddy board.

Fingers crossed that I am not back although of course it's been lovely chatting with you all.

Very best of luck to everyone,

xx


----------



## Finky1983

Thanx lorella, good luck with your next treatment. 

AFM Finlay got my letter today to say we have our follow up appointment today yeahhhhh, so its earlier than we thought, May 7th which is a lot better than June/July. Can't wait to get some questions even though they probably won't be answered


----------



## butterfly_469

Finky great news on getting your appointment, hope you get all your answers  
Lorella good luck with your cycle Hun   for BFP's 
Daydreamer how did your appointment go? Dud they answer all your questions? 

Xxx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Hi ladies...

How is everyone doing?

tjennym...any sign of AF yet?

Finky...Great news that you don't have to wait as long as expected for follow up!!   I took some questions from the list Lorella had posted as I had seen that thread also! Start building your list now, it may help you feel you are doing something productive in this time...it is so strange as everything is so full on until 2ww then you are stressing about every symptom etc, then BFN and you can do nothing!! I found this to be one of the worst things so once I got started with my list my determination started to come back  

Lorella...Good luck for your next cycle!!   Hope to not see you back on here, fingers crossed the next cycle is the one for you   I may be joining you there if my AF comes in April after my nurse consultation! 

Butterfly...How are you hun?

Thanks for asking, it went well I think..I saw my consultant, which I was very lucky to do as I was told you don't see them on NHS cycle...we had a really good chat about this cycle that has helped me come to terms with what has happened. He said there is absolutely nothing that he feels contributed to the BFN, it just came down to the fact that we got to day 5, had a 'lovely' embryo put back and at that stage it was 50/50 whether it would work and we were in the unlucky 50%...not suprising really   I asked about progesterone but he wasn't concerned, I will still ask nurses for injections to see if I can get anywhere-doubt it though!  He is quite keen for us to proceed to FET and suggested we get on with this right away. We only have 1 cycle funded on NHS and any FET from that cycle are also fully funded so we got caught in the moment & have booked our nurse consultation on 2nd April...so much for having a break, I must be nuts    we got to the desk and nearly booked in for next week but we saw sense in time   We have decided we are not telling any family/friends that we are doing this as I found it to be just too much pressure last time & our embies only have 60% chance of surviving the thaw...I didn't need to get my list out as it happens as we covered everything just be having a chat so I didn't end up looking like a lunatic    He said as we were leaving 'I am confident that we will get there, just have to keep trying...don't loose hope' so I am feeling a bit more positive...for now  

xxx


----------



## Daydreamer88

PS...He did say something about the uterus sometimes contracts so the embryo does not get a chance to implant...I told him I had cramps right after transfer, he seemed a little concerned and asked what I did after....I went straight home and layed on the sofa   I will also be asking nurses if there is anything I can take to relax uterus...I have read somewhere there is a drug for this...will have to get researching!! 

Thought it was worth a mention in case any of you ladies had this too !!

xxx


----------



## Lorella

Hey ladies,
Thought would pop back on to see how everyone is. Thanks for your good luck wishes!
Daydreamer - glad appointment went well. We haven't told anyone this time either. Feels so much better. No pressure and nice to have it as our little secret 😊. That's really interesting about the uterus because similar thing happened to me. I told my DR about the terrible pains I had on day 7/8dpt. They weren't like AF pains but like pulsing throbbing pains all across uterus. DR said to me it could have been the uterus rejecting the embryos. It was right on my implantation days. Next day started bleeding. If you find anything out about that let me know Hun 😊. I'll do some googling too. Thanks for mentioning!

Get this! When I phoned up to tell nurse we wanted to start straight away she said if AF doesn't come in time will have to delay till April cycle because of bank holiday Monday! They don't do theatre then and my DR likes to plan his EC's for Mondays! Grrr. Think gonna be ok cos think its on its way but how annoying!
Hope everyone's ok xx


----------



## Daydreamer88

That's a lovely way of looking At it, our little secret - so sweet  most 'natural' couples get this luxury so why shouldn't we!!

Well that is really interesting that your dr said something similar...there _must_ be some truth in it! I will ask dr google & will post up any info I find! My cramping was right after transfer and got worse up until 4dp5dt when AF pains started and the leg cramps I get during AF came on...maybe my embryo was rejected straight away? It was hatching when transferred... I am getting determined to find some info!!

Gosh that's a nightmare! It's so difficult around 'holidays' ... I was willing AF to arrive on 28th Nov for my first cycle otherwise I would have had to wait until end of Jan due to Xmas!! It's crazy-we spend years hoping AF stays away every month then we are willing it to arrive  fingers crossed it comes on time for you 

Xx


----------



## Lorella

Thanks daydreamer. Did you have acupuncture? I didn't. After reading up on it I felt that it only works because it relaxes you during the process not because it actually helps the IVF process. I was so relaxed during my first cycle I didn't  think I needed it just for that and it's so expensive! However I have now read up that is can relax the uterus and in light of what we've just been saying, think I am gonna try it. 

Any advice on acupuncture would be appreciated xx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Well... I have just found this http://www.catchingrainbowsfertility.co.uk/clinicalhypnosisandivf ... I am sold already (DH always says I am a sellers dream  ) just a shame she is in Dorset, something worth looking into though! I had hypnotherapy for needle phobia before my op last year, I was sceptical but my boss arranged it...I wasn't completely cured but after 2 sessions I definately felt calmer about it, I don't know how I would have coped with DH injecting me if I hadn't had it!

No I haven't tried acupuncture yet due to needle phobia (even after all these needles  ) I am wanting to try for my FET though! You should go for it, it is pricey but its nothing in comparison to a cycle of IVF and anything is worth a go if u ask me  xx


----------



## Lorella

Well done on having all your injections with a needle phobia 😊
I am gonna call the acupuncturist tomorrow! Good to be proactive and DH said can use our savings money! Xx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Good for u! I have booked online for a free acupuncture consultation on Thursday, the clinic I have booked with dont seem to specialise in fertility but hey it's free I will go and see what it's all about! I have also emailed a lady from a fertility acupuncturists  

Keep us updated! I am still googling    x


----------



## Daydreamer88

Ps...good use of savings, think of it as an investment   x


----------



## Ali_D

Hi ladies

I just popped in here to have a read and noticed your comments on a drug to relax the uterus. My clinic prescribes 4 x sabutimal (might not have spelt that correctly). 2 x day of transfer and 2 x day after transfer, and they are supposed to do exactly that. Bizarrely they give me the shakes! Hope that's useful!

xxx


----------



## Lorella

I booked to see the acupuncturist and am going on Friday. I have had it twice before but not for fertility. Looking forward to giving it a go!

Thanks Ali. That is interesting and useful. I will ask my hospital about it when I next call in 😊

xxx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Thanks ali, that is really interesting...is it salbutamol that is in inhalers for asthmatics?? If it is and my clinic won't give me any I could always have a puff on DH inhaler   No...I obviously wouldn't do that really! Do you feel they have helped?

Lorella, that's great news!! Hope you enjoy it   Definately worth a go, fingers crossed it helps! Let us know how it goes

I have done lots of research and found that the lady I saw last year for needle phobia hypnotherapy is Zita West affliated for fertility treatments, she does acunpuncture and hypnotherapy, I have sent her an e-mail so will see what she says but looking at other options in the meantime  

It's a bit quiet on here...How is everyone else doing?

xxx


----------



## BabyR

Hi ladies

Mind if I join you?

I just got a BFN yesterday - it was our first IVF cycle.

We do have 2 snow babies so waiting to start FET - which I am guessing will be April/ May.

BabyR


----------



## Fudgey

Evening everyone.

BabyR, I'm really sorry to hear about your BFN. It's hard to take, but it will get slightly to easier to deal with I promise! We too have a little frostie & we're due to start a natural FET in April. Good luck with yours. Do you have a follow up appt booked? 

Daydreamer88, your follow up appt sounded very similar to ours, I was really happy with my doctor as he seemed to have all the answers ready to my questions before I even asked them! We too have made the decision to not tell a soul about our FET in April, there were just too many people who we had told about our IVF who were really rooting for us and it was awful having to let everyone down, especially my mum & my twin sis! I can't go through that again.

Hope all you other ladies are doing ok xx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Hello ladies,

BabyR...  so sorry for your BFN   Fudgey is right, you won't feel like it now but it does get a bit easier! Take some time to come to terms with what you have been through and April/May will be here before you know it  

Fudgey...We obviously have very efficient doctors   I agree 100% with what you said about letting everyone down, I think it will be much easier keeping it quiet! How are you feeling about FET?

Lots of love to everyone
xx


----------



## BabyR

Thanks for the welcome Fudgey and Daydreamer88, 

I don't have date for follow up appointment yet, just waiting for the letter.  I'm interested in doing a natural FET rather than taling lots of drugs again, but not sure if my clinic offer this.

I have started making a list of questions - any tips of what I should be asking?  Our cycle was pretty much perfect just the embbie didn't implant! 

I am still in 2 minds about telling people - it depends on timing really as we have a holiday booked with my parents so could hide it then, they would notice me not taking advantage of the all inclusive! 

Each day is getting easier, no tears (yet) today, booked a spa break yesterday for hubby and I to go to at the weekend - so they kept me occupied yesterday. 

BabyR


----------



## tjennym

Hi everyone  

BabyR - so sorry to hear it didn't work  . You are lucky to have snow babies though so they'll be waiting for you when your ready  

Interesting ready about all the follow up appts - I've not got much hope about mine but have started my endless list of questions.

Still no sign of AF which is really worrying me.  Called hosp yesterday again as it's been 2 weeks since my BFN and over 2 weeks since my last progesterone.  They don't really seem to care / be bothered and keep saying it will happen - just be patient  .  I've not got my review until 25th March but I can't stay in limbo land until then Grrrrr!

I really wanted to have 3 clear AFs prior to starting treatment again in May and the delay is really getting me down and anxious about the whole trying again  

Jen x


----------



## Fudgey

Afternoon ladies,

Hi tjennym, how you feeling? How frustrating that your AF still hasn't shown up. I can understand that you feel annoyed at the clinic's response to your call, but there's probably not much else they can say apart from to be patient. I really hope it shows up for you soon and you can start to look forward then. As for your follow up, I didn't go in to mine with any hope at all. I just wanted to know that we'd done ok & whether there was anything we could do differently next time to improve our chances of success. Hope it goes ok for you x

BabyR, getting away for a little break with your hubby is a fab idea, it'll really do you the world of good. You should take comfort from the fact that your cycle went well, and hopefully for you it's just a case of trying again & getting your positive result. We were maybe too confident going into our 1st cycle, thinking we'd be the lucky ones where it worked first time. But for most people it does take 2 or 3 go's doesn't it? My main qn going into our review was about my progesterone dose, seeing as AF arrived before our OTD. But not sure if this applies to you. Basically, just note down anything that's on your mind and mention it when you get there. I didn't have any idea that a natural FET would be an option for us, but if your cycle is regular and you ovulate, it's something that should definitely be offered x

Hi daydreamer88, I'm feeling ok about FET. I'm certainly happy that there'll be no drugs to take! Obviously I'm already fretting about our little embryo not surviving the thaw, it's my biggest concern. If we get past that & make it to transfer I'll be made up. Dreading the wait until OTD again though, that's what I found the hardest last time. By far. Will you go for a natural FET too or medicated? x

Have a good day everyone


----------



## Daydreamer88

BabyR&#8230;there is a thread that Lorella posted a few pages back (here it is http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=261901.0 ) that features questions to ask after failed cycle, it is definitely a good starting point at the very least! I hope you are still finding it getting easier? It is a hard thing to get your head around and not many people, other than on here  , understand. Good for you getting yourselves a spa day booked-sounds amazing!! Something lovely and relaxing to look forward to! 

Tjennym&#8230;Oh no!! Did they not mention anything further about the injection to bring it on? Do you have any cramps or signs that AF on the way or just nothing? I bet it's driving you nuts! 

Fudgey&#8230;Glad to hear you are feeling Ok about it! Completely agree that it will be nice to not have all the injections and side effects of the stimms! I know it is really worrying me about the thawing too&#8230;have your clinic given you the chances of your embryo surviving the thaw? I will have to have medicated I think as my cycle is all over the place at the best of times due to my PCOS never mind after all the drugs over the past 3 months, I don't mind so much though it would be nice to have a natural FET!

AFM...went for acupuncutre consultation yesterday, going to start at beginning of April and despite the needles (she showed me them, actually TINY which made me feel better) I am really looking forward to starting and feeling positive about it!! I am still doing my running and slowly getting back into the right frame of mind, although every now and then I am getting negative it is getting less. I just had so much hope at the start of the last cycle, if it had worked our baby would have been due the weekend of our 1st wedding anniversary  I won't be getting myself so carried away with my hope the next time!!

Hope everyone else is OK xxx


----------



## Tinky27

Hey Ladies,

Whats the biggest your eggs were allowed to get to before the ovulation trigger shot

I'm feeling pretty annoyed as on my second month of OI due to NHS staff shortages my scan was delayed and my eggs were left to get to 23mm before the nurse administered the trigger shot, but on a different cycle (when i saw the consultant) he said the eggs should not go above 18mm, as otherwise you sacrifice the quality of the eggs and how long they can survive outside of the ovary

I'd really appreciate your experiences as im not happy with the treatment I received and the NHS wont fund anymore treatment :-(

Thanks


----------



## notgivingup

Hi everyone, 

Tinky, that sounds really frustrating - i was told my clinic look for follies over 14mm but didnt tell me a maximum size.  I guess it might affect how mature the eggs are.

sorry for the me post, but feel in limbo.  Had BFN in jan and was told i had to wait for another AF before frozen cycle, but that's dependent on funding being secured for next financial year (starting April).  Right now, AF hasnt arrived and my cycles are really irregular so no idea when it'll turn up.  I will be doing a medicated cycle but the clinic hasnt given me any drugs in preparation for DR at next AF, so dont know if it will go ahead or if i can start DR in march in preparation for treatment starting in april.
Overall i kind of feel a bit frustrated with our clinic (nhs so no choice where we are seen) and although they were fantastic throughout the 1st cycle, they dont offer a follow up and everything i know about the next cycle is from me phoning them and speaking to nurses.
Just wondered if anyone else is in the same situation (i.e not sure how FET cycles work, when/how you get drugs, what to expect, and anyone elses treatment dependent on new financial year?
x


----------



## Fudgey

Evening ladies,

Hi Tinky27, I think I was at about 17mm on my day10 scan, and I had to do 3 further days of stimms before EC. On my day13 scan the nurse just said I was ready, and I was so relieved I didn't even ask what size I was at at that point. But I'm fairly sure they would've grown further. If you think the delay in administering your trigger may have compromised your treatment then maybe you should consider complaining or at least arranging an appt to discuss your concerns with your consultant? Sorry to hear you have no more funding, it's so annoying isn't it? We have been appealing for funding for over a year, and our case is ongoing so in the meantime we took the decision to self fund, which makes the disappointment of failure that much harder to take! I know you can't put a price on what we're trying to achieve, but trying to come up with funds does add an awful lot more stress to this whole process. 

Hi notgivingup, sorry for your BFN. I can't offer any advice I'm afraid as I'm doing a natural FET and we're self funded. I do hope you get to start ASAP though, hope your AF arrives & good luck with your treatment x 

Hi daydreamer88, how you feeling? I was a little too scared to ask about the chances of our embryo surviving the thaw, it's not something I want to dwell on too much before its even happened! I'm hoping its quite high though! We're all set to go now in April, my AF came on time this week so hopefully we're on track. I'm like you, fluctuating between positive & negative. I love running so that helps clear my mind, and I've taken up boxercise which I'm really enjoying too, really helps to punch out all my frustrations! I've generally been feeling good this past couple of weeks, and then yesterday my twin sis announced that she's unexpectedly pregnant with her 2nd baby, 9mths after the birth of her 1st! Obviously it's great news & I'm really happy for her, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't crush me when she told me. I guess we just need to be patient & hopefully all our times will come. 

Hope everyone else ok x


----------



## Daydreamer88

Tinky...what treatment are you having hun? I am really sorry I don't know what OI is. I have to say though, whatever treatment it is it is bad that you were left too late for your scanning!! What is the outcome of them leaving you or do you not know yet? 

notgivingup...have the hospital said that they can't guarantee funding for a FET when you already have the embryos frozen? I am not really sure yet how FET cycle works? From what I have read on here there seems to be a massive difference between private and NHS treatment and I agree the NHS units can sometimes be really frustrating, for mine the only thing that makes it worthwhile is the amazing nurses. Could you maybe ring your consultants secretary and see if they can find out exactly where you stand? I don't think it seems very fair for you to be left without knowing what is going to be happening!! I really hope AF comes soon so you can start getting things in motion  

fudgey...I am not too bad thank you, how are you doing? I think you had the right idea not asking, I asked my consultant without thinking and he said 60% but this is very dependent on the clinic and on the grades of the embryos! Glad to hear AF came on time for you and things are on track! My AF is due this week but it is never very regular anyway and of course with the treatment last month I don't really know what to expect but I am keeping quite calm about it for the minute!! I LOVE the idea of boxercise and punching out frustrations, I bet it gets quite addictive   Oh bless you about your twin sis   are you close? Of course you are going to be happy for her but you are most definately normal to be crushed at the same time, I would be more worried if you said you weren't! I am finding it a real struggle with my brother and his girlfriend expecting their first baby this year and we are not even close!! I just keep thinking...this should be me now!!   I have waited patiently for years, longer than they have even been together, gone through everything I have and still nowhere near   Plus the support from my mum seems to have dissapeared bit by bit as time goes on with their pregnancy she is getting more and more excited and I seem to have just become an inconvenience!!   I hope you have a lovely supporting family who can support you   I hope you are right that our time will come...we bloody deserve it!!  

How is everyone else? 

Big   and lots of love xxx


----------



## Tinky27

Hi,

Have any of you girls been prescribed anti depressants

My doctor has recommended I take fluroxetine for my depression and anxiety.


----------



## Daydreamer88

Hi Tinky,

Sorry to hear you are struggling hun   How badly is it affecting you? I was prescribed citalopram by a really bad GP a few years ago (I had acid reflux and she said it wasn't it was anxiety   ) I only took them for a couple of days but didn't like how they made me feel so I stopped taking them, especially as I read the leaflet and it said major depression   Over the past couple of months I have suffered with anxiety quite bad and due to the experience I had before I decided to try herbal calming tablets and I find they really help without the awful side effects, I use quiet life from Hollad&Barrett...maybe this is worth a go if you haven't tried already and don't want to go straight to anti depressents? Although if it is affecting you really bad then it may be better going straight for anti depressents.

Sorry, I am not much help but wanted to give you my experience and big   hope you are feeling better soon xxx


----------



## Tinky27

Hi Daydreamer.

Thanks for your reply.

I spoke to my doctor yesterday and he has advised that I stick with them for another week, then see how I feel. Currently they are causing me insomnia and severe anxiety, but I've been told they are early side effects and that you will feel worse before you feel better!

I've been off work for six months and had six months of counselling, but still don't feel any better. Although I think I feel worse now because I have to go back to work which is very daunting. Also I haven't told the company about my treatment which is another added pressure and havent seen any of my friends for months because they all have babies :-(

The only major side effect i'm worried about is hair loss as when my sister died in 2009 I took fluroxetine and my hair got really bad, the doctor believes this was just down to the trauma of it all.

I have been taking them for only 5 days now which is why i'm feeling worse :-(


----------



## Daydreamer88

Tinky,

How are you doing? Are you starting to feel any better hun?



xxx


----------



## Tinky27

Hey Daydreamer,

I'm not feeling better yet... Feel really tired and headachey, plus I now have a sore throat and bad taste in my mouth (perhaps that's the anti biotics?!). 

Didn't help that I woke up at 4am feeling all panicky :-(

xx


----------



## Tinky27

O.I = Ovulation Induction. I'm not on any treatment at the moment. I had 4 cycles of O.I. 

The first cycle was successful, but i miscarried at 4 weeks. Now the NSH wont offer me anymore treatment and I don't qualify for IVf as i'm 28. 

We have an appointment with the nhs consultant in april to discuss our options and complaints! Then  I have an appointment with the private clinic which is two days after.

xx


----------



## Jenba

Hi Ladies,

I got a BFN on the 04-March!  after very heavy bleeding for 2 days before OTD! The bleeding didnt stop for 9 days, was awful so i suspect i had an early misscaridge but not 100% sure! It was our first ICSI cycle and im totally heartbroken! Its has started to get easier but is always at the back of my mind!

Sounds silly but i think my body didnt like the progesterone pessaries i was given, anyone else find that they wouldnt stay where you put them even if you lied down for 30mins after inserting them!?? 

We are due to see our consultant again on the 08th April and will hopfully try again in May/June time! Unfortunalty we dont have any on ice so going to have to do the whole cycle again, my poor DH is going to need another sperm retrieval as well! 

Jen xxx


----------



## Tinky27

Hey Jenba,

I got my BFN on my birthday :-( 26th Feb, but didn't get my period until 2/3 days after I'd stopped the progesterone pessaries.

They are a pain and I found them quite painful after a while, they move around and can be quite sharp! 

I'm sorry to hear of your BFN, especially when you've had ICSI. Did you have the treatment privately, or on the NHS?

I've exhausted the NSH funded ovulation induction treatments, so we're now looking at going private.

I will say on the first cycle when I got my BFP I just knew something wasn't right and had been spotting blood for 3 days before I did a test, but it wasn't until a week later that I miscarried.

Can I ask what your fertility problem is? Ours is me. I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome.

xx


----------



## Jenba

Hi Tinky,

I'm so sorry to hear about your BFN, especially on your birthday!

I just found that everytime i went for a wee they were coming out, don't think my body was getting enough!
We are at a private clinic but funded by the NHS, we get once more chance then will have to start paying for it!
I have PCOS and my DH has blocked tubes due to having undescended testicles as a baby!

When are you due to start your next cycle or have you not planned anything yet!? xxx


----------



## BabyR

Thanks for the link daydreamer88, will have a look now.

Just had a letter from my clinic and they have bought my follow up appointment forward a week! Yipee!

Jenba - sorry for you BFN.  We have just had our first IVF and it failed we too were devasted, but a few weeks on and it is becoming easier to accept, you just have to focus on the next phase of treatment.

Tinky - sorry to hear of your struggles.


----------



## Audiprincess

Hi ladies 

We found out in Thursday that our ICSI cycle had failed, unfortunately I had severe OhSS too so I have to wait til that has gone before the clinic will discuss our next cycle so don't even have a follow up appointment booked as yet.

Anyway I was wondering what you ladies are doing to keep busy inbetween cycles? And are you plannin on doing anything different next time?
Xx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Oh Tinky   sorry to hear you are not feeling better. Are the tablets getting any better?

Sorry about your MC hun   Is the ovulation induction similar to clomid? That is awful that the NHS won't offer you anything and no IVF as you are 28, it is proven success rates are better when younger so why do they not allow it!!? Postcode lottery gets me so angry   Will you be looking into IVF privately or further OI or similar?

Hi Jen...sorry about your BFN   I had BFN after first ICSI too, it does get easier as time goes on I promise   Yes I agree about progesterone, I am quite sure it didn't get in my system right. I am going to try for injections next time, if they won't allow it I will be inserting the back way...a lot of ladies on here say that is better. Oh your poor DH, bless him! But then you have to go through EC again so at least you are totally in it together.

BabyR...Great enws that they have brought your appt forward! How is your list of questions coming along?

Audiprincess....sorry to hear of your BFN and OHSS   hope you are doing OK?

I am currently in between cycles and I have really enjoyed having the time off, letting my body get back to normal and doing nice things with my DH. After 2 cycles straight after each other, as the first had to be cancelled due to OHSS, my body was ready for it...I bet yours is too! I am now just 4 1/2 weeks since my AF started and knew it was BFN and I am itching to go again so I am now booked in for lots of complimentary therapies to relax me before FET. What are you planning to do? 

xxx


----------



## Tinky27

Hey DayDreamer88,

Not feeling any better yet.... We have an appointment to see the NHS consultant on the 10th April so hopefully we will get some answers then!! Also we have an appointment with a private clinic on the 12th. 

xx


----------



## butterfly_469

Hiya ladies, 
Hope your all hanging in there. Sorry for lack of posts I am finding it easier to stay off here atm. 
I just have a quick question, It has been over 5 weeks since I started bleeding from my failed cycle. I have not yet had another bleed, is this right? 

Massive hugs to all you lovely ladies


----------



## Finky1983

Hi ladies, hope you are all coping and keeping strong. Sorry for lack of posts. Trying to keep myself busy.

I too *butterfly_469* haven't had a AF yet either since I bled before OTD no it's been 5 weeks for me too. Last cycle was the same so think its normal.

I am still waiting for my appointment for follow up its not until may 7th such a long way, but we have booked to go away for two weeks as its gonna my 30th and my dream was to always have a baby by the time I was 30 so don't really wanna be around for that. Anyhow, I had a dream last I was pregnant and it didn't happen via ivf, does anyone else have dreams like this?


----------



## Daydreamer88

Hi ladies, hope everyone else well?

It has been 5 weeks today for me too   Not sure what to do as I was hoping to start my FET cycle after my nurse consultation in April, this is putting it back as even if AF comes on time next month it is still later, typical!!

Finky....gosh 7th May does sound a long time away, do you know what you are going to do next? I don't blame you for getting away, I hope you have a lovely time   

I have had loads of dreams of being pregnant, had one a week ago that the treatment had worked, I was so upset when I woke up. Had loads during last cycle, even DH had a few too! It's cruel isn't it? 

xxx


----------



## butterfly_469

Thank you finky   think ill give it a few more weeks and I may call the clinic. 
I had my follow up fairly quickly but my appointment to start treatment again is in may. 
Iv not had any dreams but my DH has a strong feeling its going to happen naturally before our next treatment


----------



## Finky1983

I know it is so so long to wait, they wouldn't let me just speak to the nurse on the phone which is for the best as its my last nhs go and they want me to see the doctor and consultant. So we are taking this time to really get all the vits in our systems, have both stopped drinking alcohol, stopped caffeine in tea and coffee and the DH has given up cycling, so at least we feel like we are doing something. 

I had so many in my 2ww, I didn't like it as I would walk up and think what if it doesn't happen which it didn't. But last night was the first in a long while that I had one were I feel pregnant naturally, I think maybe its on my mind that the AF hasn't arrived and we have enjoyed not having to worrying about ivf so have enjoyed each other, so maybe I am hoping hey pahahahaha, I really doubt it at all.  Here's wishing hey


----------



## Finky1983

Haha knew I was dreaming, the dreaded AF arrived this morning.


----------



## Daydreamer88

Oh Hun  

Me too, my AF arrived yesterday evening and it is torture!! I am glad it's here so I can move to next stage but in a tiny corner of my mind I thought a miracle may have happened (crazy as we have been told any chance is virtually non-existent!!) 

How are you doing? Xxx

How is everyone else? V.quiet on here lately 

Xx


----------



## Finky1983

Oh it's horrible hey, I was in so much pain yesterday and it totally drained me was so tired an emotional, DH wondered what was wrong haha. Apart from that all good, I just can't wait until the 7th may to speak the doctors about my last try, don't when we are starting or anything and have a dance teaching exam July so I would like to take it but don't know what's happening so just working as if I am gonna anyway to keep my mind occupied. 
I had a gorgeous littl girl have her first dance lesson today and she hugged me and said thank you, I had to think of something else to stop me from crying there and then.


----------



## butterfly_469

Still no sign of AF for me yet. I did test yesterday cos I went our last night.
Test was bfn  was kind of hoping miracles had happened to! 

Xx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Hope you are feeling better finky   I bet you can't wait!! You just enjoy your time out! And sounds good to keep your mind occupied with the dancing. How cute of the little girl  

Butterfly...any sign of AF yet? I know it is a nightmare because you still cling on to a tiny bit of hope in your mind for a miracle! 

xx


----------



## butterfly_469

Daydreamer no still no sign!


----------



## Daydreamer88

Oh gosh, it seems like a very long time! Have you phoned your clinic. They may want to give you an injection to bring it on? My clinic mentioned this after first cycle but that was cancelled so it may be different? 

How are you feeling? 

Xxx


----------



## butterfly_469

Hi daydreamer, 
I started bleeding  on wed but it looking like its nearly over!


----------



## Finky1983

Well at least at last you did. Mind was a very bizarre one this into too, was over in two days. 

Hope everyone has a lovely Easter xx


----------



## Tash74

Morning, also had first BFN on Monday and getting set for next cycle.  Follow up appointment on Friday and then male inFertility specialist to see what we may do differently this time around. I've also started acupuncture, so feeling positive with putting things in place. 

But.... Many of you ladies have spoken about AF cycle been thrown out of wack after a BFN.  Is there any info on that? 

Pure selfish question have booked a holiday and timed to be just after AF would normally be.  Last 3 holidays have had it and such a pain! Know there is nothing I can do about it, just very annoying!

Hope you are all keeping well and enjoying some drug free times, and maybe even a little wine!


----------



## yogabunny

hi ladies, can i join you? Is this the right place for me? hi daydreamer  
I am waiting for my follow up on 18th APril, after a shortlived bfp. I was so incredibly happy and relieved for about 1 day, and then bleeding started, miscarriage confirmed last week.... have been feeling very    and my body is not sure what is going on! 

Booking our holiday today,for next week, to get away before back on this again. I have made a list of questions for the doc and going to ask about doing a hysteroscopy and getting tubes checked again for fluid (Has anyone else done either of these? NHS or private?) - my ideal would be to get this done and then do another FET with our remaining little ones. Going to keep up with the acupuncture I think, but not much more ideas about how to keep going during this wait!! I'm self employed so i could do with a big project for a month or two i think...

lots of    to you all, negative result is so hard after all that energy we put in to it all, hope we can help each other through this waiting time. xx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Butterfly, mine was not as long as usual either must be all our hormones out of whack!! Hope you are OK?

Finky...hope you are well hn and had a lovely Easter? 

Hi tash...  sorry you had BFN and find yourself here   that is not selfish, I am not surprised you want a holiday AF free!! Hope it works out that way for you! With cycles being out of whack after treatment it just depends, everyone is different. After my cancelled cycle they said I would be all over the place but I started bleeding 3/4 days after stopping injections and my next AF was exactly 29 days later, however after BFN I bled 4 days before OTD and the nothing for 5 weeks and it wasn't normal even then. As the others have said there's were quite a bit late too so I think it is quite common

Welcome yogabunny   I think keeping up with your acupuncture sounds a good idea, do you find it calming? I posted something a few days ago just generally having a moan and asking how to cope and a lovely lady suggested trying to do things you have always wanted to as a project, for example I have always wanted to make clothes, I started making a baby book years ago and never finished so want to finish that and want to get better at baking, if FET doesn't work I will be buying a sewing machine and lots of baking goodies as I think she gave great advice, is there anything like that you would like to do?

Xxx


----------



## brighteyedgirl

Yogabunny - ive just had a bfn after  first ivf cycle. Consultant wants to do a hsg to check for any fluid leaking before next cycle. Im hoping tubes are clear but if not they are going to bung them. Sounds lovely!


----------



## VWilko

Evening ladies

Mind if I join you? Firstly let me say how sorry I am that you're here and I truly hope we all get our dreams one day 

I won't bore you with my history, sure you'll pick it up from my signature. I thought I was coping ok with our latest bfn however I made a stupid mistake tonight of looking at some posts of ladies on my old & recent thread!! Oops shan't do that again, don't get me wrong I'm so happy for them but some have just had their babies & others are hearing their heartbeats. To top it off my stomach is hurting & from checking my dates I think AF is on her way.  Bit confused by it all as different from last time.

Anyway I best go to bed as work in the morning, yuk 10hr shift.....

Look forward to talking to you all, just wish it was under different circumstances.

Love to all
Vanessa


----------



## yogabunny

hi daydreamer - i really like the acupuncture, the actual sessions sometimes the sensation is quite weird so i don't find that so relaxing but afterwards i feel very calm and even spaced out. i find it more relaxing now i have found one that is £18 rather than £40!

brighteyedgirl - sorry to hear about your bfn. A bung! it's not very glamourous all this is it! Let me know what they say, I am dreading being poked around again, but want to make sure they have considered everything before putting another embie back.

Vanessa - welcome, and sorry you find yourself here. I know that feeling I have had a peek on the threads for early scans and pregnancy that i had joined... not a good idea. Hope your shift is not too bad.

Tash - hope your appointment went ok?

here's an AF dance for anyone waiting for the witch!     

The sun is out this morning and looking lovely, DH is at work, so going to see if anyone wants to meet for breakfast, need to get out and see people. We go on holiday on Wednesday for a week in Spain, and I am so looking forward to it. Been really bad about work, just have not really been able to concentrate... My body is feeling strange, still getting twinges in my tummy and start to think that there has been a mistake    Let's see what happens with AF, not really sure when to expect it.  lots of love for a happy weekend


----------



## brighteyedgirl

Just a quick question... has anyone had bleeding after sex following bfn and af? Got af last week after bfn so im worried about this little bleed...


----------



## K8O

Hi

Mind if I join you - you will see my journey so far from my signature.  Feeling a bit broken and lost after this latest failure and waiting to feel a bit brighter to decide what we do next.  We have 4 frozen embryos so FET will be the next treatment but we may have some more tests in the meantime.

Brighteyedgirl - not something Ive experienced but maybe speak to a GP if you are worried

Yogabunny - sorry for your loss    I had a hysteroscopy on the NHS because I'd had 3 failed transfers.  I was put under for it so didn't feel a thing.  I have a slight heart shaped uterus which is not a reason for the failures.  Didn't pick anything else up but Im glad I've had it.

VWilko - we cycled together and I know what you are saying about the threads.  I read them and while Im please for everyone who got a BFP it hurts like hell that it wasn't my turn.  Im starting to think it may never be so I need you lovely ladies to help me get my PMA back.

Daydreamer - projects are a great way of taking your mind off things for a while and you achieve something.  I'm stitching my nephew a Christmas stocking.  I did one for my niece and it took four months of constant stitching so I've started earlier in the year for this one so Im not finishing it the day before Christmas eve this year

Tash - I don't know how my body has reacted this time but 2 out 3 previous times my body went straight back to normal.  The 3rd time it took 4 months and acupuncture to get my cycles back to normal.  You just never know.

Look forward to chatting with y'all

  Kxx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Brighteyedgirl - sorry for your BFN, hope you're hsg comes back clear Hun...I have not had bleeding after sex but did have very painful sex, I think it is all the messing with our bodies, I would give your clinic a call just in case though...

Vwilko- so sorry you find yourself here too Hun   but welcome hope we can all help each other get through 

Yoga-really looking forward to it now! Wow £18, think you found yourself a bargain there lady!! Well done!! As for your AF dance, it bloody worked last time-amazing!! I may be need it in a couple of weeks   bet you can't wait for your holiday now, I hope you have the most amazing, relaxing time! Not surprised you can't concentrate at the minute, you need to concentrate on yourself for a while, so hard to do with work I know! 

K8O- oh Hun, big   on your latest treatment....it's hard to decide what to do for the next step sometimes isn't it? What tests are you considering? I love the sound of your project, so lovely!!  

Hope all other ladies are OK? 

Xxx


----------



## VWilko

Evening ladies

Thank you for the welcome Yogabunny, Daydreamer and K80 so sorry to see you've joined me on this thread 

DH has just gone for his night shift & I'm back in on earlies, we are bit like ships in the night....

I had a couple of books turn up today from a lovely FF lady who no longer required them Zita West & Alan Beers, now that is a minefield.  I'm considering getting my level2 immunes done but just conscious of the cost implications . Also want to ask at my FU (when I get one that is  ) about having a hysto & endo scratching. Any thoughts ladies or pearls of wisdom? Oh and progesterone can't forget that one!

Yoga - I sent some emails about acupuncture to get a feel for some places. Think I'm going to go with the lady whose affiliated to Z.West. I nearly did it this time & part of me keeps thinking if only.....too late now

K80 - fingers crossed we can our pma back & get ready for the roller coaster ride again  

V xx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Ooh the books sound interesting! How kind of a lovely lady to send them on  sounds like you have thought of some good things for your follow up...I am progesterone paranoid so I would say def mention that! Did you have pessaries last time? I have managed to get injections for next cycle and I can't tell you how relieved I am (scared and not looking forward to lumpy bum lol but that doesn't really matter does it?!) 

Don't look backing think so if only done this and that on last cycle, you will only guilt yourself, just think that is something to try this cycle   

Have they not booked you in for your follow up yet? 

Xxx


----------



## VWilko

Hi there

Yes really kind of her, it's worth keeping an eye out on the for sale/swap thread (not the pregnancy one though). I only paid p&p!!

Now I apologise if I waffle on.....here goes!
Our treatment was called transport ivf at the James Paget (Gt Yarmouth) & Bourn Hall in Cambridge. Scans etc at JPH then EC/ET at Bourn (i had a general). When i started to bleed i called JPH who said to ring when i have my next one to sort my FU!! However JPH no longer have the contract as Bourn have opened a new clinic just outside Norwich which is where I live. We've been given the option of going there or Cambs direct so bit undecided really. Both places will mean a new Consultant so kind of hoping by seeing a new Consultant it will be a fresh pair of eyes & they may try something different.....

First tx I had a small bleed at 9dp5dt then nothing for 6weeks!! Whereas this time it was full on. I was given crinone vaginal gel, it's awful  I'm keen to get it tested & prepared to inject X number of times a day to get a bfp  oh I already have a dimply bum


----------



## yogabunny

Hi V  - let us know any Zita tips... i am too scared to read up on alan beers yet! but i did do the serum hidden c test as my blocked tubes are likely from dreaded chlamydia, and despite all those negative c tests, this one was positive. it is controversial, don't know what i believe about it all, but the antibiotics did seem to clean out my system, my skin is clearer and AF is better. I will be asking to take antibiotics alongside my next treatment, that is my "what if" from my last cycle, as serum said i should take in early pregnancy and i didn't due to small risk to embryo and my clinic does not believe it is necessary. I am going to find about a hysto and scratch too, so we can compare notes from our follow up. i feel like the acupuncture makes a difference, who knows, but if you feel like it is helping then it can only boost your pma...i am going to ask for hcg and progesterone monitoring if i get a bfp   ... i have a BIG list! the doctor is going to love me   

are you in east england health area? we've though about moving that way as my family lives on border of northamptonshire, but you only get 1 cycle funded there, but i noticed that across in cambridgeshire you get 3?


----------



## VWilko

Oh Yogabunny I love lists & notes!! DH says I've got an OCD as I have notes for everything 

Think both our consultants are gonna love us!! Think we'll need to book an extra long appointment time!!

I've been thinking about doing the Hidden C Test-I see Serum do a DIY one, meant to be pretty yuk but anything to save a few quid and after all the probing & staring at my @@@@@ from dif consultants then I'm sure I can cope.

Yes I'm in Norwich so East of England & fortunate enough to get 3fresh & 3frozen although we had to appeal to get ours (long story)......postcode lottery that stinks so we won't go there!


----------



## yogabunny

my list is on my laptop, and i just keep adding! i love a list too! i went straight to serum, diy send a drop of AF in a pot - lovely !! but like you say, after all we have done it really seemed like nothing... although i was worried that for some crazy reason someone at the post office would open up my parcel in front of everyone!!!! 

good to know about east england, as i may need my support network closer if this goes on much longer!! ... postcode lottery is crazy...  xx


----------



## Tinky27

Help?!

I'm totally freaking out as I write this message... This month we are on a natural cycle (between treatments), so I decided to start taking Agnus Castus to help my progesterone levels, so I was amazed when I started spotting on DAY 30 of my cycle.

I've been spotting only brown blood since then, which has stopped today, but i've just done a pregnancy test this morning DAY 38 and there IS A FAINT FAINT LINE. I thought i imagined it at first, but my partner said he can see it too!!!

I'm so scared because I miscarried in September last year and was also bleeding then for 5 days before I had a positive pregnancy test. I'm terrified this is just another chemical pregnancy, my belly is really aching and crampy, but no other symptoms!!!

I've just found some left over progesterone pessarys from previous treatment, so have used them until I can see the doctor tomorrow.

I know I have to keep a level head, but I feel so sick with excitement.

I know this will only end in disappointment though :-(

Any advice? Hope all this makes sense I cant think straight.


----------



## yogabunny

Hi Tinky,

You are up early, is it all going round and round in your head? I know I would be same, try to take deep breathes and not get too ahead of yourself with all the what ifs. 

Can you get a digital test? that always stops me thinking is it a line, is it not a line... it will give you a clear answer. You can get very faint evaporation lines...

I'm going to be really honest, to avoid disappointment I think you need to think that this is the agnus castus balancing out your hormones and so AF is doing weird things causing spotting, then any good news is a massive bonus. Remember even if this is not your BFP it could be a sign that agnus castus is getting you closer to it.

Can you do anything to distract yourself today? 

Lots of luck and love xxxx


----------



## Tinky27

I have an appointment at my local hospital today at 12pm. 

I don't know whether to go and buy another test before going incase that one was wrong?!

I was up at 6 as my partner had work, hence why I tested so early.

xx xx


----------



## Tinky27

Why would the agnus castus cause spotting though?x


----------



## yogabunny

i think it could shake up your hormones to cause spotting/weird AF, but I am no expert. 
I am a big fan of the digital test, then it will tell you straight, preggers or not preggers  
Although if you are seeing someone at 12 then you can save your money, as they'll do a test?
Lots of luck Tinky, I hope it is good news xx


----------



## Tinky27

Thank you. I hope so too! I can't help but be excited, yet I know this could just be another chemical pregnancy, if anything at all. Keep everything crossed for me  

xx


----------



## Tinky27

I'm wondering whether I should have used the progesterone pessary before seeing the doctor. It couldn't do any harm though could it?


----------



## yogabunny

can't do any harm, but maybe don't take agnus castus at same time


----------



## Tinky27

Yeah I stopped taking that a few days ago x


----------



## Tinky27

Had my appointment at the hospital today after seeing a faint positive this morning....The doctor was absolutely vile to me!!!

His test showed a shadow, but he said he wouldn't class that as positive?! I didn't imagine the line on my pregnancy test this morning though, both my partner and dad can see a line there!!

He said I was either never pregnant and had a dodgy test (because his was negative), or I am having an early miscarriage?!

I have no idea what to think, but will be seeing my doctor first thing tomorrow. I still haven't had any red bleeding and the brown spotting has stopped?!

I have brought a digital pregnancy test and two other early tests, but cant bring myself to do it again until tomorrow morning.

I sat in the hospital car park crying for an hour before I could drive, the doctor didn't care and made me feel as though I shouldn't have taken up an appointment, but I only did what the NHS helpline advised!! 

So devastated! I have no idea whether, I was, or am pregnant and if I am when am I going to bleed?!

He was so rude to me and said taking progesterone pessarys "was a waste of my time"   He was such a strange man and even asked if we'd had sex at all over the last month?!!!!


----------



## VWilko

Tinky

I am so sorry you've been treated this way, it's disgusting! Did he offer a blood test or just do a urine dip test?

Just before our bfn I had severe cystitis (had operations in the past for it), sorry for tmi but my urine was like AF  and I was in agony. Had to see emergency Dr - put my specimen on the table, his reply "and what do you expect me to do about it?" Er give me meds like I normally have!!!! His reply "no I'd like you to go home sit on the loo, even if it means sleeping there and drink. If still bad in couple of days see your own GP".........RAR

Are they not in a paid profession to care, show empathy and help their patients?  I hope you get some sense tomorrow


----------



## Tinky27

He was vile. Words cannot describe how he made me feel. 

I have no idea if I was, or am pregnant now, just have to wait..... but he was pretty adamant either way that its not viable. He didn't do a blood test, only a dip stick test, there was a shadow, but he said he wouldn't count that as a positive?! 

There was however a line when I tested?!  

I don't know what to think?! I have lower back ache and belly aching, but still no bleeding, even the brown spotting has stopped?!


----------



## Tash74

Tinky - so sorry this happened to you, how utterly awful, though never too surprised at the low depths of some GPs. Caring and empathy must be mandatory in training and tested regularly... But it isn't. 

I do hope you get some answers soon.

When we were told of DH azoospermia, it was one of the worst experiences for either of us. Again a gp who knew nothing and made us feel awful.  I totally lost it and put a formal complaint in.  If you can bring yourself to, do so as things will only begin to change if people call the shocking behaviour of some GPs out so the good ones can practice.


----------



## Daydreamer88

It's been very quiet on here recently....hope all you ladies are ok?

Lots of love 
xxx


----------



## Onegoodembryo

Hi ladies

I am new on this forum.  I just wanted to say sorry that things haven't worked out so well for some of you recently.  I have also had two failed ICSIs now...they both resulted in a chemical pregnancies  

Has anyone else had recurrent chemical pregnancies?  If so have you had any further testing or are you changing clinics or protocols? 

Thanks

OGE


----------



## Tinky27

Onegoodembryo,  

I'm sorry to hear of your chemical pregnancies. I've had one myself and they are heartbreaking. 

What tests have the clinic suggested? 

We're you on progesterone? 

xx


----------



## Onegoodembryo

Hi Tinky

We have had SO many tests now (thrombophilia screen = normal, NK cell absolute count 0.84 & cytotoxicity 18%, sperm DNA fragmentation 10%, karyotyping for myself & husband = normal).  The only thing outstanding at the moment is a hysteroscopy which I have the joy of looking forward to next month before cycle 3.  

Both ICSI cycles we had 2 good blastocysts put back in and I was on cyclogest 200mg twice a day both times.  I also had an endometrial scratch with the second cycle.  

I just wish I knew what was going wrong.  It would almost have been easier to have one of our tests come back as abnormal as then at least we would know what to change! We are adding in steroids for our next round just to cover all bases. Ughh. 

I'm struggling to remain positive after both cycles ended with chemical pregnancies.  It is heartbreaking and hard to see why it wont just keep happening.  

Hope things are ok with you. Sorry to hear about your chemical pregnancy.  It would be easier to deal with having a negative I think.

OGE


----------



## butterfly_469

Morning ladies, 
Hope your all doing ok? Iv been reading a few posts and was wondering who agnus castus benefits? Is it everyone as my infertility is unexplained? Could it have the opposite effect? 

Iv now only got 5 weeks until my appointment with the nurse to begin the process again. It really does fly by  

Xxx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Hi onegoodembryo, sorry to hear of your chemicals 

butterfly...I am really not sure hun, I have just googled and here is the link for wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitex_agnus-castus I think it is supposed to be good for egg quality too but can't be sure about that!

Wow only 5 weeks to go, how are you feeling about starting again?

I am due to start DR for FET cycle any time now, AF due yesterday but no sign stil which is not unusuall!! xxx


----------



## butterfly_469

Thank you daydreamer, Hopefully it won't be too long for you!  
I'm not sure at the moment, I'm not feeling very positive about it all. I wish I had FET, I really don't want to do EC again!! 
Xx


----------



## Tinky27

Bbutterfly, you shouldn't take Agnus Castus if your about to start treatment as it can interfere with the hormones. Agnus Castus should only be used on natural cycles. Royal Jelly however, is very good for egg quality as it is rich in proteins and amino acids.

Hope this helps

xx


----------



## Tinky27

Royal Jelly is rich in amino acids (29 to be exact), lipids, sugars, some vitamins, fatty acids and most importantly, proteins. It contains ample levels of iron and calcium. Royal Jelly also contains acetylcholine, which is needed to transmit nerve messages from cell to cell. Regular consumption of high-quality Royal Jelly has been shown to help balance hormones. This makes it beneficial to those individuals that suffer from a hormonal imbalance, as it helps to provide support to the endocrine system. It may also help with problems that are related to hormonal imbalance. 

Royal Jelly may be beneficial for the following:

To increase libido
Support egg and sperm health
Diminish and reduce the signs of aging
To reduce inflammation caused by illness or injury
To naturally boost the body’s immune system


XXX


----------



## Tinky27

Important Caution with Royal Jelly

It is extremely important to note that if you are allergic to bees or honey you should avoid all bee products. Side affects and reactions can include minor to severe skin irritations, difficulty breathing or even anaphylactic shock. If you begin to develop a reaction to any of these products discontinue use immediately. Do not use bee products during pregnancy if either side of your family or the father’s family has a history of bee allergy as this may affect the baby.


----------



## Daydreamer88

Butterfly, I think that's natural Hun as I don't feel positive at all either, convinced it will all go wrong again and embryos won't thaw!! Did you have a bad experience with EC?

Tinky, hope you are Ok Hun?

Afm, AF finally arrived today, well only 3 days late but was getting impatient   will do DR injection later today when I have figured it out and psyched myself up for it ... Eeeek!! 

Xxx


----------



## butterfly_469

Thank you tinky. I won't be starting treatment until late July but its always good to get other people's advice. I will have a look into both, thank you. 
Daydreamer congrats on AF arriving and I hope DR is going ok! 

Its been 6 years trying. I am just feeling as though nothing is working and nothing is going to! I know I need to stay positive but its so difficult. Erm EC wasn't great, the sedatives could of been stronger haha but they also made me feel horrible afterwards. I had to be put on a drip due to blood pressure dropping and I just felt so tired. I'm sure it's like that for most people I'm just being a bit soft. 

 for this time round!!


----------



## Daydreamer88

Hi butterfly, it is going OK so far (touch wood it continues to!!) I don't have many side effects just a bit of a headache which I can cope with!

I know what you mean about feeling as it nothing is ever going to work, I feel exactly the same! But what choice do we have but to continue? It's hard and especially to do it and be positive but we can't do any other. I can't even begin to think about giving up on my dream at this stage, if only we didn't have to worry about the financial aspect of it, I can only imagine it would be easier. Not much but a little at least!!!

Oh no, sorry to hear about your bad experience of EC. To be honest I think everyone has different experiences with it, mine was fine but I seem to come round quite quickly from anaesthetic and sedations, my main problem is I wake up so quickly and I want to get up and about too soon so when I do my blood pressure plummets. It must have been an awful experience for you but maybe next time won't be as bad...fingers crossed  

Hope everyone is OK?

xxx


----------



## butterfly_469

Daydreamer I am glad to hear your cycle has started well   We just have to pick ourselves up and carry on. I just go through bad stages were I feel really low but I am extremely lucky to be getting NHS support. I am just hoping and preying that it works as we would not be able to fund it.

Tinky is there a certain brand of royal jelly that is best to get? can you take it with folic acid? and do you take it everyday throughout the cycle?


----------



## Onegoodembryo

Anyone else starting a new cycle in the next few weeks?  I have had two ICSI cycles already and am hoping the third round will be successful!


----------



## Daydreamer88

butterfly, I go through those stages too it's hard   How many cycles do you get funded in your area?

onegoodembryo, I have just started DR for my FET cycle last Sunday...when are you hoping to be starting again?

xxx


----------



## butterfly_469

I got told 3 IVF, I think you get 6 if its FET but I'm not sure. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed!


----------



## Onegoodembryo

In our area it was only one funded IVF cycle after a year on the waiting list! We didn't bother waiting and are now on self-funded ICSI cycle number three!


----------



## butterfly_469

I really hope it works for you! I don't believe anyone should have to pay for fertility treatment. 
6 years ago I went through a year of tests and taking clomid. They said I would be put on a 2 year waiting list if it didnt work, which it didnt. So when we went for the appointment to be placed on the list, they told us the area was no longer funding it and that was the end of that. Unable to fund it ourselves we just continuing trying naturally with no luck. 
Then 18 months ago we moved due to my DH job. First thing I did was go straight to my doctor. We have been so lucky they pushed is straight through. No need for all the tests again and have been really supportive that we had to wait so long.  
I know how lucky we are to be funded, I think it's wrong that everyone doesn't get the same treatment!


----------



## Summer13

Hope you don't mind me butting in? Buttery 469 - Just wondering where you moved to? Have been wondering whether or not it would be too drastic to move to another part of the country that does fund more cycles of ivf. I've always thought perhaps you would have to have lived in a particular area for a certain amount of time before being able to get nhs fertility treatment - perhaps this isn't always the case? - any one know? we only got one nhs go in Devon and now can't afford to pay for another cycle xxx


----------



## butterfly_469

Hi summer13, 
I moved to Essex. Not for the treatment just because of my DH's job. I'm just sure what the rules would be with you having already had 1 treatment.


----------



## butterfly_469

Hiya, 
Hope all you ladies are ok and enjoying n the lovely weather!!


----------



## Daydreamer88

Hey butterfly,

It is lovely isn't it   Definitely helping with the vitamin D levels  

How are things with you?

How is everyone else?
xxxx


----------



## Finky1983

hi ladies, how is everyone bearing up?

its been a while since i posted on here. finally had my follow up appointment yesterday after months of waiting. Even though everything seemed ok, as in my eggs were good and sperm is low but they say its 4% (whatever that means) so is good for fertilisation, so they are going to do blood tests to see why its not implanting as my eggs are fertilising even though never make it to full blast just under instead. However came out feeling really low and upset as they said icsi is a a even less percentage to ivf, which i didnt know this so now feel whats the point. Also does anyone know if the testing for killer cells is via a blood test?? as this has been mentioned to me by a friend who is a midwife and just keep thinking should i test for it.  Sorry for the down message xxx


----------



## butterfly_469

Hi daydreamer yea I'm ok, starting to think about beginning the whole process again now. Trying to stay relaxed but so nervous that's it's not going to work.
Finky I'm not sure tests for the killer cells have been proven to help. I believe there are two types, one in the blood and the other that supports pregnancy in the uterus. This one I don't think they can tests.


----------



## maristeve2013

is it ok if i join? :/

got myBFN on Saturday morning, 1st cycle of icsi absolutely heart broken and devastated 

still no sign of my period though.... was due on friday the day before my otd, i got asked to test 12dp3dt??

i dont know what to do I've taken today off work to try and get my head around it all im still mourning that it hasnt worked absolutely gutted


----------



## Onegoodembryo

Maristeve - so sorry for your negative test.  It is really devastating and nothing anyone can say can cheer you up.  Just try to stay busy over the next few days and spend time with family and close friends who are willing to be a shoulder to cry on.  It can feel like such a huge loss because of the significance of the result.  Allow yourself to cry and take some comfort in the fact that it does get easier with time.  In a week you will feel stronger.  Go for a walk to clear your head and I found going to yoga helps me feel calmer.  Take care of yourself and start thinking about the next cycle.  You'll get there! x


----------



## Finky1983

Hi ladies, how is everyone doing?? Hope all is ok it's been very quiet on here xx


----------



## Daydreamer88

Hello ladies  

I know finky, we are quiet recently aren't we?! How are things with you?

I had my 2 frosties transferred on Monday - OTD a week today eeeek!! Had lots of cramps/twinges but different to last cycle which is likely due to the progesterone injections! No sore boobs though they are a bit bigger and quite hard. Felt exhausted yesterday and feel sick today-too early to be a sign of anything positive so it's probably due to nerves     I was calm for first couple of days...now I have fallen into the 2ww madness  

How is everyone else doing?

Lots of love
Xxx


----------



## butterfly_469

Hi *Maristeve* sorry for your BFN. I see this was your first cycle to, I know it hurts at first but time does heal and you'll soon be getting ready for your next cycle 

Hello *onegoodembryo finky* and *daydreamer*

*Daydreamer* congrats on the frostie transfer, keeping my fingers crossed for you. Only 3 days to go!! 

AFM I have just had my appointment with the nurse, went through all the injections and paperwork again. Will be starting from the beginning after my June cycle. I will be getting 2 embryos transferred this time  I am feeling much more positive about this cycle.


----------



## Daydreamer88

Hi butterfly... Great news on your appointment! Wow you will be starting again very soon, bet you can't wait !!   and it's really good to hear you are feeling positive!!   

I am doing OK I guess...have some slight bleeding/spotting which has freaked me out a bit and had an issue with the gestone dosage so it's not been uneventful...all I can do is wait and hope and pray  

Hope everyone else is Ok?

Xxx


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone,

Haven't posted for a while but I have been following. Guess I stopped commenting as I was so unsure of our next step. Finally have made the decision to go again but with a new clinic. Plans are on hold at the moment as I have a broken arm so in plaster! Does give us a few months more to save. We only had our first cycle on NHS and our 2 FET and last ICSI we had to pay for. Our new clinic is more expensive as well. Was doing well with the weight loss until my accident as well  

Sorry it's a me post but wanted to pop in and say hi to you all and let you know I am  for you all.

Stay positive ladies and look after yourself.


----------



## butterfly_469

Hi mogster, sorry to see all your BFN's. Hoping your arm heals soon and your new clinic helps you get a BFP!  

Thank you daydreamer! Wasn't it test day for you on Friday?? 

Xx


----------



## butterfly_469

Sorry just seen your signature... CONGRATULATIONS   thats fantastic news, really pleased for you!!


----------



## MJ in London

Hi all, just saying hello as I am trying to get my head in the right place for our next round. Hoping to start end of June and have just booked in for a endometrial scratch for the first time.
Fingers crossed this time will be our lucky one.
PMA to you all.
MJ. xx


----------



## Daydreamer88

butterfly, thank you hun  hope it stays, very anxious!! Have you started your injections yet?

MJ...hello, good luck to you for the end of this month hun    

xxx


----------



## butterfly_469

Hi MJ, good luck with your next cycle. I will be starting my next cycle about the same time. Just got to wait for AF. What's an endometrial scratch? 

How's it going daydreamer? No not yet got to wait for AF. Should be starting around beg of July.


----------



## pollita

Hello ladies, I've just arrived from 2ww. I was sure throughout the two weeks that it would be a negative, and been testing since last Friday and still getting BFN  Disappointed but not surprised. Just going to wait out for my AF to arrive so I can start making plans for next cycle at the end of the month.


----------



## MJ in London

Hi, thanks to Daydreamer88 and butterfly_469 for the hellos! 

butterfly_469 the endometrial scratch is this: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/WomensHealth/womb-scratching-technique-boost-ivf-success/story?id=17365332#.UcC7t-dJO9V

My Dr recommended it as we've had failed cycles with supposedly high quality embryos. I am willing to try it since it is not too tricky or expensive.

Pollita, so sorry to hear about your BFN.  Good to hear you are able to think about another go.

Hugs to all, 
MJ. xx


----------



## butterfly_469

Hi  pollita sorry for your bfn   good luck for next time  
Thank you MJ 

So it was day one of AF for me on sat, which means one step closer to jabbing again. Should be getting my schedule through soon so I will be jumping over to cycle buddies. 

Good luck to the rest of you xx


----------



## Watford6969

Hello Ladies

Can I ask a quick question? Has anybody not had a period after their treatment cycle? I had my ET on 27th April and then bled for three days on the 1st of May. I have not bled since then, so it is now 55 days since I last bled. I have contacted the clinic and asked for a scan, as I am concerned about cysts, as I had PCOS symptoms during the treatment. I just wondered if anybody had any words of advice?

Thanks in advance.


----------



## yogabunny

hi ladies, i am not happy to find myself here again! but pleased that there is a place for me  

watford, i have not had that experience (yet  I only stopped my gestone yesterday so waiting the dreaded af. i think you have done the right thing contacting the clinic. I don't think it is uncommon for all the hormones to disrupt your cycle for a bit. but 55 days sounds a long time, although we are all different. what is your normal cycle like? there are some supplements that are supposed to help get your cycle back to normal, but you might just need some time for it to settle down? hopefully someone will come along witha  bit more knowledge than me. xx

pollita, i'm in same position as you wating for AF. I'd actually like her to come so I can draw a line under it. hope you are doing ok xx

butterfly - great news, good luck with this cycle. xx

mj - great that you have the scratch sorted out have seen lots of ladies on here that have had success after it. it could be that little thing that makes the difference xx

i am trying to be myself for the time in between cycles, giving a break from being a non drinking healthy eating boring person for a while! going to try to enjoy life and all the lovely people i have in it. anyone got any keeping happy plans for their time between treatment??

       xxxx


----------



## Sjhansf

Hi ladies

Finished up on the 2WW yesterday following BFN-sorry to be joining this board really but thought I'd say hi  

I've had the worst headache all day today. I think I was fairly lucky with hormones and my response to drug treatments and although I had the odd ache I didn't suffer massively with headaches, moods etc Feel the worst today I have felt for the last 4 weeks-wonder if that's just because I'm a bit fed-up?

Waiting for AF to arrive-anyone any ideas how quick that might happen after stopping the Gestone injections? Think it's threatening to make an appearance but nothing yet.....

We have a follow up apt booked for this Friday. Any ideas how long they suggest you wait between cycles? Part of me wants to have a break but part of me wants to jump straight back in ASAP? Any past experiences welcome, as this was our first attempt at IVF

Thanks ladies and sorry that you've all experienced the dreaded BFN also-we'll get there..... 

S x


----------



## yogabunny

hello sjhansf, i've had a headache today too. not sure if it is other reasons as have been working and looking at a screen and probably not drunk enough water, but i know a drop in progesterone is what can give you a headache before AF so perhaps this is what is happening for us. i've been told AF could be 3-5 days wait after stopping the gestone. Duvet on sofa this evening for me x


----------



## Sjhansf

Yogabunny-I also wondered if it was the screen viewing as it was my first day staring at a laptop for the first time in a couple of weeks. Thanks for the info on AF-cant come quick enough, weirdly!! I'm also snuggled on the sofa with my fleecy blanket-great minds!! X


----------



## Mogster

Hi ladies,
Yoga bunny I remember you from my last cycle back in October/November. So sorry to see you had a MC and now a BFN   You have been through so much. Hope you take some time out for yourself before you take your next step  
Sjhansf sorry you find yourself here. It's a great place to chat with people who understand.

Take care


----------



## yogabunny

Hi mogster, yes I remember you too  feels so long ago! thanks for your kind words means a lot especially when i can see what you've been going through.   When are you thinking of number 5? Do you have any plans before getting back on the IVF wagon. We have some vouchers from xmas that we are going to try and use and put towards a few nights away maybe scotland. we might put IVF on hold til end October  xx

sjhansf - i feel exactly the same, wish it would hurry up so can move on. xx


----------



## Mel81

Hi ladies mind if I join? Currently awaiting surgery to get rid of a pesky endometrioma before we use our final frozen blastie later in the year.

Just needed a little rant really after dealing with an insensitive person today asking me yet again when I'm gonna have a baby and why aren't I pregnant yet I had an emotional meltdown and had to be sent home from work why are some people just so insensitive?!? Haven't had a meltdown like this since my fet bfn in jan so was a bit of a surprise really but must admit felt better for letting the tears flow!

Anyhow look forward to chatting and supporting one another xxx


----------



## Sjhansf

Hi Mel, poor you-some people really don't get it do they? I'm sure they don't mean to cause upset but it's such a personal question. My Sister even said to me some while back, before the IVF, your prob trying too hard that's why it's not happening - yeah thanks for that Mrs 5 children (I love her really) 

Hope you're feeling a little better after the tears xx


----------



## Mel81

Hi sjhansf thanks hun yes feeling better now sometimes it does you good to have a good cry unfortunately for me always ends up in the most inappropriate places like work! Oh well tomorrow's a new day! When I had my bfn in jan a few days later my tummy was still swollen from the drugs and a stranger asked me when was I due! How I didn't punch her in the nose I don't know haha I just can't believe some people have no tact!

How are you doing Im sorry to see you've just had bfn xxx


----------



## Sjhansf

Mel-I'm not too bad thanks. Gutted that #1 didn't work but realise that happens for a lot of people. I feel really rubbish physically, spoke to my acupuncturist yesterday & he said its like a drug hangover/detox. Also waiting for AF to show her face so hoping that will be helpful. XX


----------



## yogabunny

sjhansf - just thought i would offer some hope as i am a day ahead of you with stopping the medication. yesterday felt terrible but this morning i feel much better and AF arrived last night. hope same happens for you x

mel - urgh.   so hard and i know sometimes people mean well and just get it wrong, but it is so tough and last thing you need at work. i have to admit i am dreading a few gatherings now for the same reason as you, a wedding and a party both with lots of old friends who we don't see that often, all with kids and i haven't told any of them. i am hoping that if i get all the crying done now i'll be ok and not burst into tears. 

xxx


----------



## Sjhansf

Yogabunny - hope is required and thank you for letting me know. Spoke to my acupuncturist yesterday and he said that it is like a drug detox/cold turkey experience, so explains why we might have felt so bad! He did say that it is a good sign in some ways as means that your body is clearing itself and has good detox capabilities (did I just type this?)

On another note, for all you lovely ladies - I've read in a couple of places that the cycle after IVF many ladies continue to produce more follicles+eggs and there is a heightened chance of falling pregnant....any thoughts on this? not sure if this is fact or desired thinking? or just the fact that people mentally relax and it's likely to happen when you're relaxed?

S xx


----------



## yogabunny

S - i think there could be some truth in it, or in relaxing after all of that...some people feel like their body gets into gear for some reason....  but for me, nothings going to happen as physically no sperm is getting to those eggs. Although I do occasionally look at crazy cures for unblocking tubes on the internet all of which look very dodgy!  It's IVF or nothing for me it seems. 
As for detoxing my liver must be in pretty good form. I have hardly drunk this year for 10 months, but probably these drugs are just as tricky. I've been told that is the reason we wake up in the early hours sweating, it's our liver dealing with the extra hormone drugs, same as happens when you go to bed drunk! x


----------



## Marilu

Hi ladies, sorry for crashinghere but I just wanted to let you know that my cousin fell pregnant the following month after her failed IVF cycle! she couldn't believe it as it took her completely by surprise. Now she has  a lovely and healthy 8 months daughter.
I also have a good friend who conceived naturally after 2 IVF cycles (1 of them was also successful).
So you know, miracles sometimes happen!

M xxx


----------



## Mel81

S hopefully AF will show soon and you will feel better mine always came about 4-5 days after stopping the drugs. Your right some people get very lucky on 1st go but others seem more successful on 2nd, 3rd time. We just have to keep going until we get that one special embie that's gonna stick xx

Yogabunny I know you just know that someone's gonna pipe up with something and its so hard not be sensitive but when we want it so much one seemingly innocent comment can just set you off. The woman that said it to me the other day hasn't got kids herself and hasn't even got a man so I fired back 'when are you gonna get a man?' I felt a little bit horrible after but oh well maybe it will make her think in future! Xx

As for falling naturally you do hear these stories all the time! I must admit I've pretty much given up hope of a natural bfp what with my endo and dh very low count but you never know a miracle could happen look at caprice she had 3 failed ivf cycles due to thin lining before she unexpectedly fell so anything could happen! 

Just heard I might get my operation at the end of July I must admit I can't wait! This cyst is causing me some pain now and once it's out ill be another step closer on this journey. For now I'm quite enjoying having a bit of a break from ivf and getting a bit of normality back socialising and having the odd glass or 3 of wine! Xxx


----------



## yogabunny

sjhansf - hope you are feeling better? 

marilu - a miracle would be lovely. x

mel - great that your op is so soon. I agree is nice to be normal for a while.

i have an interview this afternoon and I am so nervous, it's for a one day a week job to supplement my self employed work, so it's not really high powered or anything. It's not like me to get so nervous and I really do think I have lost my mojo a bit and I blame IF and IVF   . I can't seem to remember what I do, my mind is a bit of a muddle! There is a whole part of me that just wants to call and cancel!... what is wrong with me! Deep breath, get a grip yoga bunny  - better do some preparation before I go.


----------



## Sjhansf

Hi ladies - it's FFrriidddaaayyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you're all well today? I am finally starting to feel little better and more me! First day in 5 without a headache, thank goodness - was going stircrazy! AF still not arrived though which is odd - did have a mad notion this morning that maybe I was pregnant after all - wishful thinking eh?!!!!! 

Had follow up apt at clinic this afternoon, which went well. Just gotta make a decision when to go again now. He seemed a bit concerned that AF had not arrived and did a quick scan - said it didn't look like anything was starting and that my lining was still thick & dense, if she doesn't arrive over the weekend then I need to call the clinic on Monday.

As part of out FU we also discussed any worthwhile additional tests and we talked about Natural Killer Cells - need to think about whether to have the test for that now..... money makes the world go around hey?!! 

How was the interview Yogabunny? Hope it went well? Know what you mean about mojo - I lost it on the phone with an internal support team in India this morning and literally had to hang up on the call as I'd started crying - out of nowhere! More emotions going on than perhaps I'd realised.... although I actually think I feel fine?!

Any nice plans for the weekend ladies?


----------



## yogabunny

Hi Sjhansf - Yes it's Friday!! Have cinema and haircut on my list this weekend. Chilled out one, but looking forward to it, especially the haircut! hoping the sun comes out so can go to the beach. 

Yes, I think you are right, probably has more emotional and physical effect than we realise.

Well done for getting the follow up done and dusted.

Have a great weekend all xxx


----------



## Mel81

S glad your appointment went well and you're feeling better. What do you think about testing for nk cells? I heard you an get level one tests on nhs through your gp but the level two cost more as they go off to Chicago! I haven't had them yet but if next cycle fails defo gonna get them done! 

Yogabunny how did the interview go?? Know what you mean my head is all over the place I blame the ivf too!! Hope you did well.

I can't believe it had a phone call this morning I'm having my operation on Monday!!! I'm in shock there was a cancellation so I'm so pleased!! So my weekend will mostly be spent buying new slippers and making sure the house is tidy ready for when I get home!! Oh and getting my hair done which will be nice! Weather is so miserable here hope it brightens up a bit!! Xxx


----------



## Sjhansf

Oh wow Mel - that's great news. Hope everything goes well - I'm sure it goes well.

and hair seems to be the thing of the moment - I'm having mine coloured (


----------



## yogabunny

- great minds think alike. Mine's a colour and cut   We will be like new women after that  

Mel, great news on the cancellation, that's saved a bit of waiting time. Let us know how it goes. x

Interview was ok thanks ladies, don't think it is really for me, but we'll see if they come back or not. Can't believe I got so nervous, they were really nice and easy going when I got there.


----------



## yogabunny

hi mel - hope everything has gone well xx


----------



## Mel81

Hi yes thanks all went well and am home now all my left ovary was stuck down but he managed to free it up and remove the cyst by peeling it off so no damage to my ovarian reserve also diathermed some endo and a washout so I'm pleased!! And he said I should be ok to plan for me fet in September I'm so pleased! Xxx


----------



## yogabunny

great news Mel x


----------



## danceintherain

Hi all

I hope it's ok for me to join this thread. Had my first ICSI recently - test date was last week, BFN this time. We paid extra to use an embryoscope. We were told our 'embryoscope selected' blast would have a 78% chance of live birth. So I am either very unlucky or a bit of a mug.  

We don't have a review appointment until mid August, but after then we can try again. Hoping to try FET as soon as we can.

Sjhansf - I know how you feel waiting for AF to arrive. I took a third pregnancy test this morning, just to be extra sure    hope things return to normal for you soon!


----------



## Mel81

Danceintherain hi and sorry to see you here I know how devastating it is when you have a failed cycle you are left with so many unanswered questions as to why it didn't work. I have never heard of the embryoscope selection I must admit, how many embryos have you got frozen? We might end up doing our fet together we have 1 left. You take care and take sometime to heal xxx


----------



## danceintherain

Thanks Mel, yes not a nice place to be but lovely to have some support   we have three frozen, all grade 3 so fingers crossed they're robust enough to thaw. Hopefully we'll do FET together and both get our BFPs x


----------



## Mel81

Oh that's brilliant did you do single transfer? Will you push for double next time? My clinic only let us do single as nhs funded. Yes hopefully we will! Got to keep positive our time is coming! And fet is so much easier than fresh still messes with your head but easier on the body x


----------



## danceintherain

Yes looking forward to a simpler process with FET! We did single, but am strongly considering double next time although I know our consultant will try to talk me out of it. NHS will allow me a double I think, as I'm over 35.


----------



## yogabunny

welcome danceintherain,   sorry for your cycle, pleased to hear you have some frosties waiting for you. x

My first transfer on nhs was single even though i was 37 and it was frozen! The consultant had written in big letters on my file! on second transfer they allowed double, so hoping for double again next time.

Ladies I am going slightly mad I keep dreaming that I am pregnant and that my BFN was a mistake. It is all my wishful thinking coming out in my dreams i think, but when i wake upit is all i can do to stop myself going to the chemist and wasting money on a test and causing myself the heartache again of seeing a negative test again.


----------



## Sarapd

Can I join you ladies please? I had BFN from second cycle almost a month ago and am going to do an FET in August / September. Not sure of timings yet because we want to go on hols at some point but DH is working away until mid-August. Really worried because we've only got one frostie which is 5BB and I think it was hatching too. Would be happier if we had two but count ourselves really lucky to even get one to freeze. Bit in the dark about what happens when with an FET but will just do what my clinic tells me to!
Hope everyone else is ok. Hate being on this limbo of wishing my life away and not seeming to be able to focus on anything else.
Sara. xx


----------



## RuthB

Hello everyone, please can I join too. I just had a negative cycle and considering all options, I don't think we will be able to cycle again till September at the earliest with holidays and potentially changing clinics.

*Sara* and *Sjhanf * I promise I'm not stalking you!

*Yogabunny* completely know what you mean, despite having had my AF I am still symptom spotting and occasionally wondering if the test was wrong. Fortunately I don't have any tests left to waste on letting myself down again.

I went to an accupuncturist yesterday for the first time and am hoping this will help, if nothing else to re-balance my emotions - like Sara I can't seem to concentrate on anything else at the moment, despite having said we were going to have a break from "trying" and enjoy life a bit.


----------



## yogabunny

hi sara and ruth   

ruth, so glad you understand, and it is not just me.    I don't keep the things in the house, they are dangerous... !  
We will not be going again for a while, either, want to take a break and make sure that we are both around as dh works away alot, and despite thinking i am superwoman, i think i might actually need the support    

sara, just like you, i cannot stop thinking about it!!! i had said that i would stop thinking about it all and have some fun, but before i know it, i am back on here or buying a new supplement! 
FET is much easier, lots of different protocols, but basically less drugs, no EC, less appointments - you will feel much more relaxed and let's hope that can give you the bfp you deserve.


----------



## Mel81

Hi Sara and Ruth! And hello to everyone else! I have 1 clear blue digi test in my bathroom cupboard it's been there 6 months and I'm saving it for my official bfp! I hate doing the things!

Re supplements what is everyone taking or planning to take next time round? On my fresh cycle when I had the chemical I was on zita west about 10 tabs a day and £50 a month, then for my fet I took pregnacare so thinking this time I might just take plain folic acid and not bother with anything else? Sort of thinking if its gonna work it will work but I'm not sure really!

Hope everyone's well I've had a lazy week recovering from my op and pleased to see we have a heat wave coming so can't wait for the weekend! Xxx


----------



## danceintherain

Hi everyone

mel81 - I'm taking q10, pregnacare conception, antioxidants and inositol. DH is taking q10, antioxidants, pycnogenol and the male version of pregnacare conception (the name escapes me). We got good quality embryos and DHs sperm improved from 5 million (with low motility and morphology) to completely normal. We still got a bfn however... 

Sara, ruth, yogabunny - glad to hear I have company in limboland! I'll be glad when AF finally arrives so I can stop kidding myself that I might still be in with a chance


----------



## yogabunny

mel -  I took pregnacare in the run up to EC, then after having OHSS, i took the zita regime got a bfp but then miscarriage. Second FET I relaxed a bit, and took just sanatogen trying for a baby + zita west DHA = BFN. 

Not sure if I will reinvest in Zita's vitafem this time or not. Going to take some royal jelly for my eggs, as they say 3 months for that, and get DH onto the wellman conception or Zita;s vitamen.

Who knows, I kind of think like you that it will happen when it happens, but it also makes me feel a bit more in control if I am doing something. Maybe it takes a while to get established with supplements, so we will all see a difference next time


----------



## Mel81

Danceintherain whats the inositol? Never heard of that one! Wow that's great your dh seen good results may have to get mine on that concoction not sure he'd be too keen though! Ill have to spike his dinners haha!

Yogabunny I know not really sure about the zita west as its so expensive think I may just stick with the pregnacare as no egg collection this time but then I did get a bfp when I was on it although it was only short lived so part of me thinks sod it ill get it again for my fet I'm so indecisive!

also what are your thoughts on baby aspirin does anyone take this after transfer? I did last time my gynae dr told me it can help with blood flow but ivf clinic haven't suggested so not sure wether to just take it or not!


----------



## Sarapd

Hello everyone
Ruth - good to "see" you again.
Mel - for my first cycle I took a general multivitamin, folic acid and starflower oil, which I've been taking for years.  DH took Sanatogen Father to Be.  We had 3 top quality blasts.  Second cycle I took flaxseed, CoQ10, Royal Jelly and Pregnacare and DH had the male Pregnacare.  We had two very fragmented, slow to develop embryos which were transferred on Day 2.  If I was going for a fresh cyle again I'd do what I did first time with the addition of Omega 3.  
Hope everyone is looking forward to the scorching weekend.
Sara. xx


----------



## danceintherain

*Mel*, inositol is helpful for those with PCOS as it improves egg quality and lowers the risk of OHSS. There is some evidence that it could be helpful in improving egg quality during ivf for those without PCOS, though it may slightly reduce number of eggs. I'm borderline PCOS - took 4g daily and still got 16 eggs. I'll be doing the same next time and like *sarapd* will be adding omega-3 for myself and DH.


----------



## yogabunny

danceintherain, thank you for that! i will be adding inositol then, anything to avoid the OHSS again.


----------



## Mooncat

Hi ladies,

I haven't been on much for past few months, as been having a break from everything TTC related since my second BFN in March. Sorry you all find yourselves on this thread 

I just wanted to say, I really recommend taking some time out after failed treatment and trying to have a 'normal' few months. I've done some socialising, plenty of exercising, had trips away, couple of spa days, days at the seaside, climbed some hills, camping, plenty of quality time with DH&#8230; it hasn't always been easy, and I've had several wobbles, but overall it's been a fun few months and I feel more like my old self than I have since last summer, before we started our first treatment.

We've also had a few counselling sessions, to help us deal with the grief, and I'd recommend that too. You can get it out in a 'safe' environment, so the feelings don't encroach on your day to day life so much.

I know we're all different, and we all cope in different ways, but I just wanted to share my experience. Treatment is tough and BFNs are heartbreaking. We need to look after ourselves. I'm good to go again for a full cycle at the end of this month. I feel physically ready and mentally able to cope if it does turn out to be another BFN.

Take care and good luck for future treatments xxx

PS *Yogabunny*, so sorry to see you on here again chick. Hope you're doing ok under the circumstances


----------



## Janeliot

Hi,

Could I join in here?  

I had BFN at the beginning of June.  Now I'm having a break until September although the clinic said i could start after my 2nd AF at the end of July.  I'm glad I've put it off though.  Sometimes I'm not sure if the clinic take into account how individual bodies will react to the treatment.  I will go on holiday, enjoy this good weather and relax from the IVF panic thoughts.  

i do have a bit of a problem though.  I have a really odd AF problem.  I'm always regular as clock work.  Now it's completely screwed up, majorly.  I've never had this sort of problem in my life before (that is lucky as I have a few friends who really suffer from irregular AF).  Mine started 2 1/2 weeks late, then didn't stop.  It sort of went brown.  Anyway, sorry to be crude but I am worried.  Then two weeks later a sort of small AF then back to the brown and now back to a sort of small AF again two weeks later.  No let up.  And now my abdomen feels achy and I feel sick.  And I can't be pregnant.  

Anyone else had strange problems like that?  I want to go back to a normal AF.  I was so relieved when it showed up (never been so relieved before for that reason) maybe now it wants to stay.

I've also had the odd comment or two from DH's father that make me grit my teeth and clamp my mouth shut.  If I didn't do this i would say something that i would regret.  Last comment was "It it's not to be then it's not to be." or something to that effect.  I've only had one cycle and I want to stay positive but he's already talking about it not working.  Actually, my dad is too.  He's talking about egg donation, adoption, fostering and now bloomin' surrogacy.  How did we get to that conversation?  Craziness.  We haven't even exhausted this path yet and he's talking about extremes.  He does care though very much so I won't go on at him either, just grit my teeth.


----------



## yogabunny

janeliot - welcome, sorry you find yourself here.   I'm taking a break too so will be here for a bit. I think it does happen AF that gets messed up from the hormones, and I definitely have an achey abdomen even though AF has been and gone. I'm going to go to the GP if it isn't normal by next AF. I know, I have had lots of comments about adoption and suracagcy and i am nowhere near that stage yet, one thing at a time please!

mooncat - hi hun, thanks, nice to hear from you and i will be taking some inspiration from your time out - going to try to do similar. So much luck to you for your cycle xxx


----------



## Sjhansf

Hi Ladies - Haven't been on here for a while, trying to stay away from forums for a while and take some time out but not very good at that /: 

Just wanted to post some quick news - sorry it's a little me me me but I'm posting to share incase it's helpful for some of you on here. To keep it brief, as a follow up to our follow up   we decided for me to have the blood tests done for immune issues. Mine have come back positive with elevated Natural Killer Cells and Cytokines. We go back in on Tuesday to find out more re what this means and possible treatment options. 

We were so unsure as to whether to have the tests, as they are so expensive and they are not usually done until repeated failed IVF cycles / multiple miscarriages. My OH wasn't keen for me to have them as he felt it was too early but I wanted to rule it out and my logic was that if we had a positive after more failed IVF cycles we would have felt cheated (not to mention broke!!)

Although I'm gutted by the results (why is this all so unfair?!) I'm so happy I opted to have the tests done.

This whole journey is about personal choices and decisions but just thought it may be of interest for some  x x


----------



## Mooncat

Yogabunny - You do right, it's all so tough, physically and mentally. I was in a bad way after second BFN, but definitely feel like a break has helped me get over things. Try to enjoy the summer, let's hope this lovely weather lasts  And good luck for your next treatment xx

Janeliot - Sorry to hear about your BFN. It takes time to process. My mum thinks I should forget IVF and start the adoption process. Whilst I know she's saying it because she's seen how hard it is, I don't feel ready to give up on IVF yet! I guess friends and family think they're being supporting suggesting next steps, but they don't full understand the emotion of it all. Best wishes for September, hope this is your time. 

Sjhansaf - I've been having a break too, you need it sometimes hey? Interesting to hear about your results, thanks for sharing. I asked my consultant at follow up, but his opinion is there's very little evidence to support the immune factors tests. I found this quite frustrating and got a bit upset, so he's now agreed that he'll give me steriods and clexane (which apparently is what they use) without me having the tests, as they won't do any harm. Seems like strange logic to me, but I'm happy to try whatever. I'm also having an endometrial scratch this time. No funding where we live so paying ourselves, but I guess it means you get to call the shots a bit more! Good luck for your next step.


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## Sjhansf

Mooncat - when will you be cycling again? We find out more on Tuesday, so I'll post a follow up but he already mentioned the clexane and steroids over the phone. I'd also need the intralipids I think as it's my Cytokines that are out of control. Yes you're right self funding gets ridiculous with all of the costs loaded on but it does give you more control I guess


----------



## Mooncat

I have nurse consultation on Tuesday, so that will be ordering of all drugs etc, then endo scratch on Thursday, then start DRing whenever AF arrives, expecting 24th ish. It's come round quickly, but excited to go again!


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## Sjhansf

Excited for you too! Lots of luck x x


----------



## yogabunny

ladies, does anyone know how you block the pregnancy threads? i keep peaking at the one i was on, and i need to remove the temptation as it is making me sad


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## RuthB

Hi yogabunny, on mine you just un tick it as a bookmark. Not sure how you have got your settings.

Sjhansf, my best friend was successful on her 6th go at ivf after being tested for nk cells. She says it's not sure if it's because of that but definitely helped her feel like she was doing something different.
Afm feeling a bit lost, we have our follow up this week but can't work out when is best to cycle again - we are supposed to be having a break from trying but still using opks and feeling guilty if I have a couple of glasses of wine arghhh


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## yogabunny

thanks ruth, 
i know i am just the same, i even dusted down my fertility monitor despite being of no use since finding out blocked tubes ... ...hard to let go of it all totally isn't it... but i know i have been living a bit more i'm sure you have too.... good luck for this week's follow up.... xx

Sjhansf,
well done, it's hard to know whether to open up all those immunes things as it means more drugs, but i brought it up at my last follow up and will do the same again. I feel same as you, rather be proactive than in same position several cycles later. x


----------



## RuthB

Hi everyone - me post alert

Went for my follow up yesterday - its almost a month since my failed cycle so at least I am not so emotional.  

Our consultant said that as only 1 of our 8 eggs had fertilised there was a likely a binding issue and therefore we should try ICSI next time, so far no surprises.  Then I asked about our dreadful embryo transfer (the consultant really struggled to get access and at one point the embryologist said it was time to freeze the egg) and he conceded that yes it wasn't ideal  and may have affected our chances.  Soooo he has recommended a hysteroscopy (has anyone had one?)  I have to admit I feel really p'd off today as he said it may have been due to my c-section with my son and scarring - this has been something I have been questioning ever since we realised we were going to have trouble conceiving and has been pooh poohed by numerous people, staring with my GP.  arghhhhhhhh - its also very expensive  like an extra £2k so he has recommended going back to the GP to see if they will treat on the nhs which sounds to me like months and months more waiting around.

anyway, I hope everyone is well yogabunny I think I need to chuck my monitor in the bin, its useless and as per the above maybe its not even what I should have been worrying about at all for the last few years...

The upside is the sun is still shining xx


----------



## Sarapd

Hi Ruth
I had a hysteroscopy in September to remove a suspected polyp - turns out it was nothing but at least I know everything has been checked out. It cost around £1,000. I had it done under general anaesthetics and was a little sore afterwards but not too bad. Had it done on Saturday and was in work as normal on Monday. It did mess up my cycle a bit afterwards though. I think that some of the Greek clinics recommend one as a matter of course do certainly worth looking into.
Take care.
Sara. xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi was wondering if I could join yr thread as I found out a week ago about my bfn and am going back for frosties in sept. I had a hysto in Greece in June it was amazing they were so thorough ..... Unfortunately despite having everything looking good still ended up with a bfn  . The hysto by the way cost 1500 euros but they gave you a DVD and everything  

I stopped my sons table tennis teacher in the street today to ask if there was table tennis.  No he said as his colleague's girlfriend has gone to have her baby this morning. It was so unexpected but it was a knife in my heart. Not only have I just had my bfn but if I hadn't mc in jan my baby would be due very soon too  

Ange xx


----------



## RuthB

Thanks *Sarapd*, wonder why BMI is so expensive then.

*CrankyAngie* welcome to the thread, sorry to hear about your BFN. Thanks for the update about Greece and I can so sympathise with random baby news being even more upsetting, particularly when its around a time a miscarried baby might have been due


----------



## yogabunny

Hi Ruth, Frustrating when you have a feeling something is wrong...and no-one takes you seriously.... I have considered a hysto ... lots of people rave about Serum in Greece like Cranky Angie has said. Sara's 1K sounds like a really good price, no travel costs too. I heard that different ways of doing a hysto..... some include more I found some clinics would only offer it to you if you their patient...If you decide to go NHS route, you can keep ringing for cancellations, I've seen a few people on here do that and get it done quite quickly (a month or 2) between treatments.

I know, I might sell my fertility monitor on ebay! I started to worry that my peak is about day 16 and it should be 12-14... so that started me on another tangent of googling   

angie   sometimes it's like someone is stabbing you and tough when you are not prepared for it, and just walking down the street. I had a good catch up with people when I went back to where i grew up recently, but all the talk about everyone's cute kids was like smiling through torture.

mooncat - how are you doing? Are you due to start soon?

Hi everyone else 

I am doing a fitness bootcamp which is tough but i am loving the morning energy boost it gives me.... my stomach muscles are really weak now and as I was screeching at an ab crunch one of the other ladies asked me if i'd just had a baby... had to bite my tongue not to say, "no, but have had a miscarriage. ovarian hyperstimulation and IVF treatment".... so hard as she was just being friendly and chatty but she hit a nerve !!

Sending some smiles        xxxx


----------



## Mooncat

Hey yogabunny, yeah, all drugs ordered so good to go wherever AF turns up. Went for endometrial scratch yesterday, quite unpleasant but done pretty quickly. I didn't make a murmur, the consultant told me I was exceptionally brave, was half expecting a sticker and a lollipop!  Will be off to find a cycle buddy thread soon. Hope you're doing ok, exercise sounds great, as does catching up with friends. During the break I had, I found to start with I had to make myself do stuff, but after about 6 weeks I wanted to socialise pretty much as normal. Hang in there, you'll get stronger with each day, and feel more like your old self soon  xxx

Hi to everyone else and as ever hugs for recent BFNs  Stay strong ladies xxx


----------



## yogabunny

thank you mooncat, well done at being brave with the scratch!   sounds like your break has done you the world of good. lots of luck for your cycle. xxx


----------



## Mogster

Just a quick hi from me.
I am trying to keep up with you all x


----------



## yogabunny

hi ladies, hoping you are all doing ok? my second af after bfn on a cycle with gestone and it is different to normal - very very crampy, late arriving and getting going, i'm assuming it is just the hormones shifting around still after cycle. anyone similar?


----------



## Sjhansf

Hi Yogabunny

Mine was also very 'different' It actually arrived almost a week early but like you was really slow to get moving - just kept threatening to appear. Also clotty and more painful. My acupuncturist said this is very usual and that afterwards my cycle should rebalance.

Hope you're not feeling too rough

S x


----------



## yogabunny

Hi Sjhansf, hope you are doing ok? Thanks for that, sounds like it is pretty normal then. After a slow start it now won't go away! Haven't seen my acupuncturist this week, they can be such good source orf reassurance! so might book in for a bit of therapy/counselling/chat/advice along with the actual acupuncture treatment! x


----------



## futuresbright

Hi Ladies 

hope no one minds if i can join in on this thread?

Today was my OTD and was BFN.... again. 
This is also the second time that my AF came before my OTD... Does anyone know why this might be?
I contacted my clinic today to tell them it was Negative and now the waiting game starts again whilst I wait for a follow up appointment.
I really want to try again, does anyone know how long you have to wait to start again, I was on the short protocol?
Also want to get back to gym to help with my weight as i feel i have put on a few pounds snice starting treatment but also to make me feel a bit better as feeling quite low right now, do you think this is ok?

Hope everyone else is coping ok?


----------



## RuthB

Hi *yogabunny* my second AF also came sooner than expected and spotted for a coupe of days. It was pretty heavy/clotty too  *sjhansf* how are you doing? When do you start again? did you book a holiday in the end?

*futuresbright*, I think it will depend on your clinic - my follow up was nearly a month later but others were seen sooner. Sorry that your treatment didn't work this time. I know the need/urgency to start again is pretty strong although now its been a couple of months I switch between being desperate to start again and cross that I have to wait for NHS procedures and relieved that I can be myself for a while and do some exercise etc.

AFM we have been referred by doc for a hysteroscopy on the NHS - great that it will save us nearly 2k but as I said above, not hopeful that we will be cycling again much before October...


----------



## yogabunny

hi futuresbright

Sorry you find yourself here    but a big welcome. 
I don't know why AF comes before OTD, hopefully someone else might have a bit more knowledge.
Clinics all seem to be different about how long you wait, ours seems to be very quick, but a standard waiting time is 3 cycles later. 
i'm loving exercise it is one of the few things that helps me stay sane! And like you I wanted to shift some of the weight that you can gain from sitting around being careful during treatment! I don't know of any issues with being active, unless you are totally extreme, especially while we are waiting  

the futures still bright hun, we just have to wait a bit longer for our dreams, hopefully we can keep each other sane while we play the waiting game..  

x

hi ruth - just saw your message as i went to press post! great news about the hysto on NHS, don;t know if i said before, but keep calling for a cancellation, i've seen lots of ladies on here get it done quite quickly that way. x


----------



## Sarapd

Hi Futuresbright
So sorry about your BFN.  I bled before my OTD on my first cycle and my consultant thought it could be low progesterone so I had Gestone injections for second cycle.  I'm having them for my FET too.  I went straight back into exercise after my second cycle and I think it was the best thing for me - it made me feel as if I was doing something positive towards the next cycle.  At my clinic you have to wait for 3 bleeds to start your next cycle.

Hi RuthB - how are you?  That's great you're getting the hysteroscopy on the NHS.  Hopefully it will do the trick.

Hope everyone else is ok.  I've just started DR for my FET in September!  

Lots of love.

Sara. xx


----------



## Finky1983

Hi futuresbright, 

Sorry to hear about your bfn. I too bled both times before my OTD, when I asked the clinic they just didn't answer me. I said is it that I am not getting enough progesterone but they said I would have been as they test my levels at the start of my treatment, but I disagree. They did give me a blood tstbtheynsaid to see if there was any showing up to say why it's not implanting, but that's it. I had to wait 8weeks for my follow ups appointment and my next cycle I start injections middle of sep, but I am on long protocol. This is my last one with nhs too, so really hoping works. 

I know you feel like you want to do it straight away, but after waiting so long now I have come to that point were I am grateful its been a while as I have got my life back for abit and not a ivf life. 


Sending you   

Hope everyone else is well


----------



## futuresbright

Hi Ladies ]

thank you for such a warm welcome  
Well today i treated myself to some new gym wear ready to go back on sunday and hopefully loose some of the weight i put on whilst having treatment.
Hoping i might hear next week from the hospital when i can see my consultant about why this didnt work and where we go from here etc.
I am also looking at starting accupunture too , does anyone have experience of this? whats is it like?

Hope everyone is ok?


----------



## Sjhansf

Morning all -on phone so this could be messy  

Futuresbright-again sorry you find yourself here!   my clinic allows you to cycle straight away but generally I've read that it's wise to wait a few cycles. I felt ok while I was stimming but def suffered a drug hangover once I'd got the BFN-never had such bad headaches. I'm also back at gym trying to shift the extra pounds. I put on almost a stone!!!!!! And I can't shift it-so depressing but I'm back in to spinning now and going to up that 2-3 times a week. I had acupuncture for my cycle and have continued through-I love it. It has made my periods much more friendly and overall I just feel a lot calmer as a person! Love my acupuncturist also! 

Yoga bunny-your comment made me laugh. My sessions are often like therapy also  

Ruth-good to hear from you and your NHS news! We did book a holiday-I can't wait!!!! Go Sep 7th to Lesvos for a week on a Watersports holiday. Down in Poole this weekend at my Sisters so went windsurfing yesterday in preparation-loved it, so exciting! 

Afm-we decided to go ahead with the immunes therapy so one shot of humira down and another to go. My cytokines were 68 (the range should be below 30) so they have a long way to reduce-it may be I'd need a second round of Humira before progressing further, likely therefore that we'll cycle October-right before my 40th bday!! Holding out all hope that if the humira works we stand every chance of falling naturally. Greece won't just be active on the water lets just say


----------



## VAN6

Hi all,
Had embryo transfer on mon but v heavy bright red bleed today which hasn't stopped so im guessing its a bfn.

My boyf works offshore and is so upset-he just wants to come home.

Any tips on coping with bfn as this is my 1st cycle and I just wish I could feel like my d self again before this need for a baby took over my life!

We have 8 frosties so I was wondering how long you have to wait before you can have a fet cycle on the nhs??

Xx


----------



## futuresbright

Hi Ladies 

How are you all? Im off the gym shortly, which part of me is looking forward too, the other part is sad becuase i was hoping that i wouldnt be going anymore becuase i woulfd have my BFP!.. Never mind, on wards and upwards now.
Just after a bit of advise really...
I had IUI in 2009 carried out at the LWC cardiff which resulted in BFN. One of the main reasons i choose not to go back there and choose a clinic which was closer to me was the distance and added stress of travel etc as cardiff was about 2.5-3hours away from me (i live in the southwest).
How do you ladies choose where to have your next cycle? Should i stay where i am or change to another clinic? I like the staff where i just had my negative cycle as they make u feel at ease etc, they are close by which is handy as i work full time so i could fit scans, appointments in ok with work etc but with all this it still resulted in another BFN!
I see people travel all over for various clinics etc even aboard, but how do you do it when you work full time and have to have soooooo many appointments such as scans etc?!
I am so confused   what i should do next, any advise someone could offer would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks


----------



## yogabunny

hi futuresbright - hard all these decisions. i am staying with my clinic for nhs cycles, as i feel like they know my history now and they are local. but if next one doesn't work and i have to pay, i will be going to the lister in london as it has a great reputation and is within what we could afford.

hi van6     - did the bleeding stop? i hope it is not a BFN. if it is, all i can say is that sometimes planning the next treatment helps, and sometimes having time off helps.... you have to go with what feels right for you. I am NHS and they were happy for me to go for FET quite quickly after my treatment cancelled, but all clinics different. I think it is worth having a couple of cycles off, just to let you recover a little. 

sjhansf - great news you have immunes all sorted out. hope this is the issue and it will get you your BFP.


I am a bit sun burnt, spent the day at the beach. Hope you having good weekends xx


----------



## Janeliot

I haven't been on here for ages.  I hope it's ok to dip in again.  I really need some insight on something.

I went to have a 3D SIS on Monday to find out about the erratic period after my 1st failed cycle.  The doctor saw something on the screen but she couldn't tell what it was and suggested that I should go for a hysterscopy.  She checked it out with my consultant and he agreed.  Not much of it was discussed with me until I was seen by a nurse who casually asked if I had health care insurance and then coolly told me that the procedure would cost me £2,700.  I'm being funded by the NHS and so she said that I needed to contact my GP to sort this out on the NHS.  

I had a hysteroscopy last July to remove a fibroid in preparation for my first IVF treatment.  Whatever they saw from the SIS was in the same place as the fibroid and I just don't feel comfortable that they've checked the notes from that from the original hysteroscopy procedure.  

I don't know how long it will take the consultant and his secretary to get a letter out to my GP so I booked an appointment anyway.  It's a new GP practice for me as I've moved and I don't have much confidence in them.  I built up such a good relationship with my old one.  Anyway, I was told by the GP that I should expect to put the whole IVF thing on hold if I want this procedure done on the NHS.  It' s no emergency, I have no life threatening illness so it's completely understandable.  I can't argue with that and I won't.  I just feel devastated that the IVF won't proceed without this being done.  

I wrote to the senior IVF PGD nurse and I got a two sentence reply.  Before she seemed so friendly and open to discussing things.  I feel pretty abandoned and lost.  

So I guess IVF PGD can wait for at least 4 months.  More maybe.  It doesn't help when friends count out the months helpfully and tell me that April might be the time when it starts up again.  A very heavily pregnant friend, due on Sunday.  That stung.  Maybe I should find a way of paying it privately.  But somehow I can't justify that because I'm not sure that there is anything actually there.  I mean, they couldn't even tell if it was another fibroid on the SIS.  I can't understand why they can't even tell what it is.  I mean, on my SIS last year (prior to the hysteroscopy to remove the fibroid) they could tell how big the fibroid I had removed was.  £2,700 just to be told that it's just scar tissue?  

Not sure what to do.  My AF is back to normal now anyway.


----------



## RuthB

Hi *Janeliot*, I am in a similar position - I had already started the IVF process privately but have manged to be referred on the NHS for the hysteroscopy - my first ivf round was in June and I had thought it would be September when we cycle again. We got our appointment letter for the consultation on the NHS (with the same consultant!) and its not till mid October which puts the actual hysteroscopy at November at the earliest! Its so frustrating isn't it? I hope you get somewhere with your consultant.

Hope everyone else is well?


----------



## RuthB

Hi everyone, its very quiet on here - how are you all?  Just about to start on our next cycle in the next four weeks or so and wondering if anyone has had any good news since then.


----------



## Sarapd

Sadly I have done my FET and I find myself back here as I had a chemical pregnancy. Hoping we can do our final NHS go soon but it probably won't be until the New Year.  Need to lose some weight before then though as I'm half a stone over the BMI so been out for a run today. 

Hope everyone else is ok.

Sara. xx


----------



## RuthB

Hi Sara, sorry to hear that - how are you feeling?  I imagine it must be even harder after getting the BFP.  Good for you with the running, enjoy having a few months off to get healthy - I've been doing some fitness classes but will pack it in when I start the drugs again.  Big hugs x


----------



## Sjhansf

Oh Sara, I'm sorry to read this!!   As always, you sound so positive! X 

Like Ruth, I'd just popped on to see how people were doing. 

We start cycling again today/tomorrow - just waiting to confirm baseline scan - yikes!!! The rollercoaster starts again.


----------



## RuthB

Good luck sjhansf - are you going long or short protocol?


----------



## Sjhansf

Ruth - SP - How are you? x 

Had a bit of a scare this morning as at baseline scan they discovered I had two cysts on my ovaries (as if this journey isn't tough enough!) Had a blood profile done and all came back really positive FSH 10.9 (lowest I have ever known it!) LH 5.1, which is half of FSH therefore good and E2 119 which shows follicle stimulation is at a good point - so booked in for tomorrow to drain cysts and should that all go well then stimms start from there - fingers crossed


----------



## RuthB

Good luck for today then, think I am a couple of weeks behind you. Fingers crossed for everything. X


----------



## Sarapd

Good luck Sjhansf.

Looks like I'll be starting in the New Year!

Sara. xx


----------



## Rayofsunshine

Hi all 

Can I join the thread pls! I've just had my first IVF cycle fail, chemical pregnancy -possibly caused by immune reaction?  Felt devastated yesterday but feeling stronger today  

Hoping to cycle again in the new year! Same as u sara! But will be private funded as we only get one go on the NHS in the midlands! 

Spoke to my clinic today and they have suggested I should be tested for immune Natural Killer cells as I became super ill when I got my BFP (flu like symptoms) then I started getting BFNs! 

Trying to get back to normal ish today. Bin out and about and my head is feeling a tiny bit less fuzzy! I hope it gets easier! This **** is so hard!


----------



## GlassHalfFull

Hello ladies, please can I join your thread. Had our OTD yesterday which came back negative and AF started to rear her head this morning. Everything had gone well apart from the important bit of getting a BFP. Have 5 blasts in the freezer, so guessing the next step is to look into FET. Apart from feeling very sad, also feel in limbo.


----------



## jtog

Can I join too please.

BFN today but no surprise as started AF yesterday  
Got appointment tomorrow to talk about where we go next. Only had 2 eggs and only 1 fertilised so no frosties.

Wishing everyone good luck with their future plans. 

Jxx


----------



## Rayofsunshine

Hi j and glass this thread has been really quiet lately! Sorry to hear abut ur bfns! It's so tough isn't it! 

Glass. Shud feel very blessed to have 5 frosties! Wat I'd give to have any! 

J hope ur consult goes well! I've gotta wait 2 months! (Nhs clinic! ) 
Xx


----------



## jtog

Hi all

Ray o s- thanks for the welcome. Its not a nice place for any of us to be in but  hope we can keep each other from going  .
GHF - so sorry u got BFN not a good feeling at all. Hope those 5 little frosties are the pluses to come  

Been to consultant today and hoping to go for end of November. We have had to go private from day one so at least they will help push things along, also wrong side of 40.
Trying to stay positive  but keep getting blips.

Sending all  ,   and  


Jxx


----------



## GlassHalfFull

Hello Ladies,

*jtog* Sounds like you've had a really tough time over the years. Sorry to hear about your BFN, it really is heart breaking. We've got an appointment tomorrow, so be good to see what's next and when we can start a FET.

*Rayofsunshine* We've gone private as the NHS is taking forever, and I'm aware I'm not getting any younger. I do feel very lucky to have the frosies, and appreciate I'm lucky. But the BFN was still really tough to get, and not a nice feeling at all.

Looking forward to our appointment tomorrow and find out when I can get started with the frosties. After busting into tear constantly the first few days, starting to feel a little stronger. Determined to spend the next month or so getting healthy and back on PMA.


----------



## jtog

Good morning girls.  

GHF- hope your meeting goes well and you get a quick turnaround  
My meeting helped to focus me forward but still get emotional blips  .
Think  its good to get it out of your system as long as we don't fall into the pit  

I am trying to focus on how I can get a higher egg count.......sadly writing a list of info gained from site so far to see what supplements etc could help to start taking now. Anyone got any helpful info? Find being proactive helps me mentally. Better start looking for a job too   as redundancy comes into effect on the 15th and we are going to need every penny for treatment.

Off to hairdressers this afternoon, will try to be emotionally sane while in there   desperate to get roots done.....put it off for 3 weeks as didn't know if dying your hair could have an effect as had heard you shouldn't bleach it when pregnant. 

Well onwards and upwards lovely ladies. Stay strong and let me know how you are feeling/getting on.

,  and  for all

Jxx


----------



## Sarapd

Hi Jtog
My clinic suggested Omega 3 to improve egg quality but I think you have to make sure it is fish body oil and not from the liver. Have no idea why!
I'm having a major wobble today and am ready to cry at the drop of a hat. Not great when I have to go to my Head Office for a meeting. I'm trying to tell myself that my body has been through a lot and my hormones are still over the place but it doesn't stop me wanting to crawl under the duvet for a few months.
Hope everyone else is ok.
Lots of love.
Sara. xx


----------



## jtog

Thanks Sarah I'll give it a go. Think the anti- liver thing is to do with toxin levels as liver is a no go to eat if you're pregnant.
Sorry you're having a tough day. You have been through a lot and it takes months for hormones to fully go back to norm. Typically they come at the worst times tho   . I cried in supermarket yesterday and don't even know what started it  . 

Jxx


----------



## Altai

Hi everybody,

Hope u don't mind me joining the thread. 

Had my otd yesterday - bfn, so disappointed. To add to injury, looks like my AF is going to be messed up.

I had mild ivf icsi with ds in create. 

Ladies, are u staying with the same clinic for your next cycle? 

I am now thinking perhaps move to another clinic, either lister or Argc.

Create were ok but now looking at lister as have better pregnancy rates for my age.

It was my first ivf, so not sure if better stick with old clinic or to move on to another.

Good luck to all for the next cycle.


----------



## jtog

Good morning ladies

Hi Altai- welcome. We are staying with same clinic as we already travel 4.5 hrs round journey (on a good day) to our clinic and there aren't any closer. The staff are all very pleasant and have been positive and supportive which has helped too. You can only go with what feels right for you  

Not cried as much last two days so hopefully the upset and hormones are all settling   but had flu jab on Friday and got a big red lump on my arm now...never reacted to it before but had that many chemicals in my body recently that may have something to do with it  

Take care all and   to all

Jxx


----------



## GlassHalfFull

Altai Really sorry for your BFN, and I know how you feel. I think clinic depends on if you're happy with the treatment and feel they get the best out of your cycle or not. I'm at Lister and very happy with them, so will be sticking at the clinic. We had a follow up on Friday, and are planning to do a pretty natural FET after my next period. Give me a shout if you've any questions about Lister. 

jtog My crying's getting less and less each day too, which is a relief, although it still hurts. Pleased you're feeling a little better. It does help planning for the next round, plus getting fit and healthy after all the drugs. Mind you I did enjoy a nice chilled white wine last night, which hasn't happened for a while. FET next month with i'm now excited about. 

Mx


----------



## jtog

Hi all

GHF - great to hear your FET will be next month   this could be the one  . Everything crossed for you. You are so right about planning the next treatment its giving me a focus but this game never gets any easier so take good care of yourself. Think I'll join you with a glass of vino tonight and toast to all the up coming BFPs we will all get next cycle  .

   and   all round

Jxx


----------



## Altai

Jtog, that's a lot of travelling - 4.5 hours. Well , a child doesn't come easy.
We can only pray for next cycle be successful. 

GHF- do u mind me asking how long r u with lister? 
Im sort of inclining go with them as their over 40s rate is promising compare nationwide.

Thanks

Best of luck to all for the next cycle


----------



## Lentil

Hello ladies.... Don't really want to be here posting but then which of us does lol.... Please can I join? See my sig for full history. Yup it's been a roller coaster. We are planning our very last DEICSI fresh cycle to happen in early 2014 around end of Feb or March. 
Follow up appointment tomorrow at clinic following MMC and ERPC at 7 weeks.
Baby dust all round
L
Xxx
Ps I haven't read back hence no personals as yet    xxx


----------



## JFizz

Hi all, 

Can I join you? Lentil, think we were on the cycle buddies together so sorry you're here as well. 

I'm waiting for December AF to plan next cycle after 2 abandoned cycles. Been so hard this time to pick myself up, have felt so run down and emotional for weeks. I now have a nasty virus I think, my throat is so sore I can hardly swallow, DP has sent me back to bed. Xx


----------



## bekiboo13

Good evening everyone

Sorry for all the recent BFNs....mine was back in April so feels like a while back.  I am starting down reg on 3rd jan and itching to get going now after a long break which gave me time to focus on other things in my life. Im waiting for the jan/feb cycle buddies thread to begin but notice a few of you might be cycling the same too....lentil and jfizz? Wanted to say hi xx


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## JFizz

Hi Becki, 

Yeah I should be going again in January, they always put me on a short protocol though so no D/R. How you feeling about trying again? They making any changes to your treatment this time? x


----------



## bekiboo13

Hi jfizz,

I'm not really sure how i feel - a mixed bag of things really. Suppose this time I am less naive to the whole process and won't be as overly positive.  I try to imagine a positive outcome in my mind but I end up replaying the last outcome which was early bfps and then followed by bleeding and bfn. On the other hand, i made the decision to tell my bosses this time as keeping it quiet was so stressful as i work shifts, on-call in crisis mental health team, and it was the best decision as they have been amazing about it and making adjustments for me at work so i feel much more supported this time as it is a stress gone which will help the process i guess. Ive been stalking ff for the past few weeks as i was meant to start dr a few days ago but et clashed with my holiday next month. Having my menopur increased this time as they went in cautiously before due to high amh and concerns of ohss and i only got 6 eggs - and that was after an increase of meds after 9 days of stims and a couple of extra stim days on top.

What about you? Two cancelled cycles? You must be pretty worried about the next? Did the metformin have anything to do with u understimulating or was it because they dropped your meds low? How come they are doing short protocol on you? Xx


----------



## Lentil

Hey guys, 
Good to hear a lot of you are getting ready for early 2014! We are going to be March ish. Just looking at costs in Athens, Russia and Czech Republic for Donor egg but seriously wondering about Donor Embryo... Not sure how I feel, ok I think, how do I suggest it to DH?! 
L
Xx


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## JFizz

Beki, I work in mental health as well, i'm a RMN and CBT therapist. I think it's better telling work, I have found it so stressful both times juggling appointments with work. Although some people have said some pretty insensitive things, i'd rather not be having to make up excuses as to why i'm disappearing left right and center. I wish I could go back to the optimism of the first go as like you i'm feeling pretty apprehensive. They went from one extreme to the other with my last cycle, dropped the menopur to 75 and gave me metformin, they have said because of my PCO i'm a bit tricky. Next time i'm on 112.5 menopur and rather than suprecur they are trying me on something else, can't remember what it is called, last time I spoke to them I was a mess. I have had a short protocol each time, not really aware of the rationale, will ask them when I go in next. 

Lentil, what a task you have ahead of you. Have you and DH not discussed a donor embryo? 

xx


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## bekiboo13

Jfizz -im an RMN also and would love to train properly in cbt.  Trained in some programmes during my psych days. My managers wanted me to apply for the cyp-iapt systemic practice to start in feb - which was a reason i told them about treatment as they kept asking me to apply. Plus, i'm doing the DBT training next year at some point and don't want to be over loaded whilst doing this ttc marlarky. I haven't told my colleagues but its good knowing that i have managements support so sod what anyone else thinks lol. 

I have pcos and always been put on long protocol. I think its easier for them to control pcos as they shut everything down with the dr to baseline but i could be wrong with that. I get put on the pill first as my cycles are irregular - means they can plan my cycle to the day. I really hope they get it right for you this time -are you on an NHS cycle?  when are you back at the clinic?

Lentil - its a tough conversation to have with hubby.  Is the issue embryo related or possible issues with carrying - is surrogacy with your embryos worth a try as i can see from your signature that you are making babies - as you have one boy already and had late miscarriage.

Xxx


----------



## JFizz

Beki, how funny you are an RMN too, I did the iapt post grad diploma in CBT, found out half way through about our fertility problems (well officially anyway, I was obviously not getting pregnant) waited so long for our referral I managed to finish the course before we started ivf. I wouldn't recommend doing that course and treatment, it was pretty hard going. Hard to find that balance though of not putting your life on hold and giving yourself space, I put off starting the course so many times because I hoped I would be pregnant. DBT sounds interesting, although I'd rather not work with that client group. 

Apparently I have polycycstic ovaries but not the syndrome, this was only discovered during my last cycle, so I have no symptoms at all, periods fine, weight fine etc. Would make sense that I was on a long protocol due to my over active ovaries, I have to call the clinic in December and book in a nurse consultation so I will wait til then to ask. We have 2 NHS cycles funded, luckily the first two didn't count as I didn't get to egg collection so officially this will be my first cycle. What about you did you get anything on the NHS? Do you have all your drugs yet? Xx


----------



## bekiboo13

Jfizz - i completely understand about when to decide to put off other things and on this occasion i decided to begrudgingly to pass up the course as I have years ahead to train but not for ttc! My friends have done iapt and it is really tough so that made the decision easier. DBT not bad - working with adolescents up to 18yrs in community so it feels a bit different - most of them really get in to it.

I am on cycle no. 2 of nhs funding though i always feel like its a bit "standard" treatment and im sure when im paying the £££ then they'll be advising endo scratches, immunes etc... lol. I have my buserelin already to take me up to my baseline scan and then am likely to start stims 18th jan. Just want to get cracking with it now as im too inpatient lol!! You're lucky you were able to keep hold of funding. When i developed a cyst very first attempt and cycle was cancelled i had to pay for treatment up to down regulation (about £300) as the pct would have counted it as a failed cycle and lost the funding!?! How £300 compares with £6500 i have no idea   lol xx


----------



## JFizz

Yeah you are right loads of time to train, I worked out today I have 37 years until i'll be able to retire............what a depressing thought. Nice that you get to work with adolescents, much more hope for that lot. 

I have read about people feeling like the NHS treatment is different from self funded, that doesn't make any sense, surely they should put everything into it so you don't need any more. Wow we are lucky we didn't have to pay, I did two weeks of stims both times, that would have cost a fortune, can't believe you had to pay. IVF really is such a postcode lottery, the differences are crazy! 

I got a call from the clinic today to book in my nurse consultation and make some preliminary dates, they have penciled me in to start Noresthisterone 21st of Dec, baseline scan 7th of Jan, possible EC 20th of Jan! eek! that is 2 months today. The phone call took me a bit unaware as I didn't expect them to call, so forgot to ask about long protocol, so will have to ask when I next go in. Roll on 2014! xx


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## bekiboo13

Jfizz - thats so exciting! You'll be 10 days ahead of me :-D I was so excited when I got all my dates but im so impatient now lol! I'm counting my pill packs down, never thought id look forward to jabbing myself again.... xxx


----------



## JFizz

I do feel excited which is good because last time I was dreading it! January will be here before we know it and we'll be pin cushions once more  . x


----------



## bekiboo13

I really hope so jfizz - feels like its dragging its flipping heels already and this wait is unbearable. Ive broken the wait down into sections - holiday in just under three weeks, then when i get back its week and a half to xmas (though working xmas day from home and on call all night   )  then new year and then i get to start jabbing myself whoop whoop! I cleary need a distraction up until i go away lol 

Do u get xmas off? Xx


----------



## JFizz

You definitely need some distractions! Where you off to on holiday? I'm off pretty much the whole xmas and new year period, looking forward to the break. Hopefully it will be nice and quiet for you, didn't mind working xmas day on the wards although was always a bit sad.  x


----------



## bekiboo13

I know that feeling, worked many a xmas on the wards and it is really sad that anyone should be in hosptial at xmas but honestly i dont miss the wards and don't think i'd go back again as  I love community. Great for u though! My next job will be M-F 9-5 so i can have every xmas off - just hard to get that fast pace, acute, chaotic work in  9-5 service but routine sounds more and more appealing )  


Im going to New York for five nights to do some xmas shopping and can't fricking wait     - counting the days down! Got any good distraction tips? Whats working for u? Xx


----------



## JFizz

New York, wow would love to go there, will be amazing just before Christmas. I have to say i'm rubbish at distracting myself, hence why I end up on here! Find yoga helpful, also try and have some projects on the go, I really like knitting (very sad I know). xx


----------



## jennyewren

Hi all do you mind if I join you for a little while?  I had my BFN yesterday.  we are hoping to start again in the new year I fully intend to eat drink and be merry over the festive period.  I am trying my best to be positive but its very hard to not to be disappointed and well pretty devastated. One day we will have a little treasure to cherish


----------



## JFizz

Hi Jenny, 

So sorry for your BFN  , you are allowed to be devastated, upset, negative and everything else, so don't be hard on yourself. Right now you need to give yourself some time and TLC. Looks like a few of us will be trying again in the new year so hopefully we can support each other through. xx


----------



## chozzy

Hi ladies, 
Can I join you please?
Went through my first cycle of IVF and got my BFP on the 15/11/13. Wasn't meant to be as I miscarried at 6 weeks last Monday. Only just starting to feel a bit better and more positive about things and be able to even think about going at it again! 
Got my next appointment to discuss next steps on Tuesday so behind some of you ladies.
It's so nice to hear you talk about your excitement about trying again as it's given me hope I'll feel better eventually so I just wanted to say a big thank you!

Anyway enough of me, how is everyone else feeling today?
X


----------



## JFizz

Hi Chozzy, 

So sorry to read that you miscarried  , can't imagine what you have been through in the last week. Hold on to the fact you got a BFP, the process obviously works, this just wasn't the right time. Did you have any frosties? The best of luck for Tuesday. x


----------



## chozzy

Hi JFizz,
Nice to speak to you ;-)
Yes I am trying to be positive but it's so hard. I was so naive with it being my first time and because of the encouragement from my clinic I just stupidly thought it would work! How wrong was I?!
Yes got 2 frosties which is a positive because I am new to it all though I don't know how long I now have to wait.
So are you starting again in the new year?
X


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## JFizz

I didn't mean that you should be positive, you have to grieve for your loss and there isn't anything positive about that. Just wanted to give you some hope for next time. I was the same as you the first time i was excited and thought it would work, when things went wrong it was hard, my second cycle i didn't feel good the whole way through and was expecting it to be cancelled. we went to see the counsellor who really helped us think about our next cycle, i still worry but i'm feeling more positive. my AF has arrived on time this month so already feeeling like things are going to plan. I didn't miscarry but clinic asked me to have at least one bleed before they started me again. I should be starting stims around the 7th of jan, EC will be around the 20th. Are u back at work? Xx


----------



## Goldielocks80

Hi Ladies,

Hope you don't mind me joining too- got my BFN yesterday after my first cycle. Feel utterly heartbroken and I wonder whether I'll ever get to be someone's mummy  

Its so hard isn't it- I tried so hard to stay realistic but its so difficult not to get swept away with all your hopes. Nothing could really prepare me for that test result yesterday-was just awful. I know we'll move on in time its just hard to imagine now.

Take care and thanks for listening  

Goldie xxx


----------



## Kaz2009

Hi, Ladies, 
Can I join you?  I'm not sure if I'm in the right place here, if not I hope someone will redirect me. I'm feeling a little lost at the moment and hoping someone can give me a little advice.  We have our follow up apt turn of the year, I don't know what to ask, I want to get the best out of our apt as we will need to decide the way forward.
Our last treatment was ICSI with DE, ET was 21/10, BFP confirmed 30/10, I'd had spotting but was told if it wasn't excessive not to worry.  We went through the 2ww and the spotting stopped, we started to build my hopes up that it could be ok.  At the scan, however,  our dream ended, they couldn't see the emby or the sac.  There was a tiny round area showing but the consultant thought it was an enlarged gland.  Told to stop my meds that day, they ran a blood test just to check and it came back negative.
We hadn't got this far before and as I didn't and still haven't had a heavy bleed or any cramping etc I don't really understand what happened.  The consultant mentioned the possibility of an ectopic which was obviously a shock to us, something we'd never considered, although with the blood test coming back negative I'm hoping this isn't the case.  I've been off the hormones for a fortnight now and no AF, I know everyone's probably different but roughly how long will AF take to come?  Just want to get things over with and try to get my body back to some sort of normality.  We have frosties left so no doubt the clinic will discuss trying again in January.  I have an immune related condition as well but its not an area our clinic specialise in.  
Take care everyone    
Kaz xxx


----------



## JFizz

Welcome Goldie  , it will get easier with time. Have you got plans over the next few weeks? 

Kaz welcome too  , from speaking with others treatment seems to completely mess up your cycle and can take a long time for AF to come. After my last cycle was abandoned I took about 2 months to come on again. I guess you need to ask what they plan to do next time, hope some of the other ladies can give you some more advice. xx


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## Kaz2009

Hi JFizz

Thanks for your welcome, I spoke to our clinic, they have told me its just a waiting game and I may or may not get AF.  I'm not as worried now as I was, just getting my head round things.  I have premature menopause so I very rarely have af, but I did expect something once I stopped the hormones.  I suppose time will tell and I'll just have to be patient.  The clinic were not concerned so I've nothing to worry about.
Wishing you all the best for your third time lucky    lets hope 2014 is the year when all of us get our dreams answered.
Sending    to everyone else going through these sad difficult times, hoping our dreams come true soon.
Kaz xxx


----------



## JFizz

Thanks hun, think it's normal to feel the way you do, you just want to get back on track after a failed cycle and annoyingly have to wait for your body to do what it needs to do. I hope AF shows up for you soon. xx


----------



## Roygbiv

I haven't stopped crying for weeks. I'm just so overwhelmed. 
I have had almost a decade to deal with infertility. So that's part and parcel (is that the right phrase?!) of my day. 
But now, it's because I'm so ready to cycle again. Physically. Emotionally. Everything-ly. Except financially. 
We have exhausted all of our savings. Neither of us have good credit - which trails all the way back to early 20s, so not fair. I already owe my mum £6000. His mum doesn't work. So there is just no way of affording it. Saving is going to take about 5 years. And I cent wait that long. I really can't. I'm just so upset. That there's nothing I can do. Short of selling my body. But I doubt many would pay. Lol. 
I'm making a joke. But I have fully broken down every day for 2 weeks now. I'm just so upset. And my husband just says "patience is a virtue ... good things come to those who wait ... etc". As if that helps?! I have waited. And I am waiting. And I don't care how preschool it sounds I don't want to wait anymore. I want to go again now. 
Writing that I realised how very immature it does actually sound. But that wasn't the point. I just want some reassurance. Or distraction ideas?


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## Hopefulshell

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so low
at the moment - my heart really goes
out to you. 

I know it's really hard to try to find 
something to distract you when it's all
so consuming. But for me just trying to
do something that I genuinely enjoy 
and which makes me feel positive about
myself really does help, even if only for
the short term. Do you have any hobbies
that you enjoy? Or perhaps you could 
start a new interest/learn a new skill? I
know it's easier said than done to pick
yourself up time and again but trying 
something that takes up your time and
concentrates your mind on something 
else can all help  I also find exercise 
is good too for just letting go and getting
the stress out of your body. 

I don't know if you've tried counselling at
your clinic? They should offer some sort
of support which can be really valuable
for just giving you the opportunity to
voice how you really feel. 

Remember you're incredibly strong and
you'll get through this  

Take care x


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## Tinky27

Roygbiv

My heart goes out to you. I know there is nothing I can say to help, just remember you so are being so incredibly brave. Infertility is the worst thing in the world to deal with. 

xxx   xxx


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