# Flick's adoption journey



## flickJ

Hi everyone,

We have just started out on what maybe the most exiting journey of our lives. We made our initial enquiry by telephone on Jan 16, and received a reply from a sw when she gave me a brief telephone interview asking our ages, any medical condition, ages of the child/ren we where looking to adopt etc. and said she would send us an information pack the we should read and, if we where still interested, we should send an 'Expression of interest' letter. I received the information and sent back our letter on the same day (not that we are keen!) and we where invited to go to an 'Open Day' on the 10 March. 

We are hoping to use an adoption agency (don't know if anyone has/is using one?) 

I am 46 and my DH is 44. He has been married before and has 3 grown-up children, so we are hoping that is a plus mark. We met 9 years ago and we decided to marry five years ago. Not long after I found I was pregnant, but m/c at twelve weeks and was told I would not be able to have a child naturally. 

I was devastated and it took me a long time to get over my loss. During this time, my DH realised he really wanted to be a father again as it had been me who was the driving force in wanting a child. 

In our own ways we came to the same thought that our family of two was incomplete and something was missing in our lives. That may sound selfish on our parts, but to give a loving home to one or more children is one of the greatest things you can do.

I was a member of this site when I was TTC and found the help and support invaluable, so I hope to make some good friends here as we all follow our journeys


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Good luck with your journey Flick65 looking forward to reading more xx


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## rikschick

Good luck Flick - hope all goes well! X


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## flickJ

Thanks ladies, your support is much needed. Heard back from another adoption agency today with an info evening on the 6 March, so by the weekend we will have the details from both agencies and we can decide which is right to go with. 

Nails have already been bitten down and we haven't even signed anything yet!


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi Flick

I'm very sorry to hear of the heartache you have suffered, it must take an awful lot to get up and carry on.  But what a positive step you are making and not long to wait for your info evening.  We are also just starting out, there seem a few newbies so i'm hoping we can all share this journey together.  Masses of luck!!

Lolly xxxx


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## flickJ

Sorry ladies, don't know why my name was coming up as a load of squiggles - hope I have rectified it now


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## VEC

Flick, there seems to be a problem with codes, I'll see if I can get it sorted for you.


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## flickJ

Had the first of two information days last tuesday (6th) and we have another on sat (10), I felt a little deflated yesterday so I couldn't bring myself to post anything, just surrounded myself with my dogs and crashed out on the sofa all day   

The info evening went well, it was only a couple of hours, so I don't know why I was feeling down.

I think I am so ready to get started on this journey that I don't want to be told to go away and think about what has been said and do some research etc.  I think I just want something official to start as I have seemed to have waited most of my life for something good to happen  

Sorry to go on, DH just blames it on my illness when I am like this - roll on saturday


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## rikschick

Hi Flick, it is completely understandable to feel deflated. We found our prep course really tough emotionally - there were times when we wondered if it was all worth it/ got angry about all the hoops we had to jump through/ worried about the terrible stories as to why children are removed...

Hang on in there - there is a little one (or two) waiting for you to be their mummy xxxxx


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## flickJ

Attended another information day on Saturday. The difference was amazing, we learned so much. It wasn't only the Adoption process, but it covered what was in the Training days, the info we need for the Home Study, when it will take place, books we need to read, what is expected of us etc.

It all sounded very positive   

They even took the names of the couples who wished to have an initial interview, we were the first in the queue    The only unfortunate thing for us is that DH is working abroad next week, back home for one week and then away again   but then he has holidays booked over Easter, so they said they would work around us and arrange the interview over those days. We did not expect them to be so accommodating but they seemed really positive and sooooo friendly.

Although the Adoption Agency was in a different town and we did have to travel quite a difference, one of the social workers was from originally from my city so we had quite a long chat about i, (getting on her good side   )

I feel a lot more positive about things now and can't wait to get started, I know it's four weeks wait but I already seem to have a lot of research and reading


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## flickJ

We got the phonecall confirming that we have our initial interview on 5th April, which pleased us a lot as it is our Wedding Anniversary. We usually go on holiday that week, but this year we have other priorities   

It's two weeks away, but we have lots of reading to do (have been on ebay   ) as well has doing our timeline and sorting out dates and addresses - it is hard to remember when you get older 

On a positive note, my eldest step-daughter and her boyfriend visited at the weekend as it was her birthday and she chose to spend it with us. Although I have known them nine years, things have been a little up-and-down shall we say, but in the past few years things have improved and I received my first "Mothers Day" card from them   They are really excited about the prospect of having another brother/sister/both.


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Great news honey xxxxxx


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi Flick!!

Wanted to come on and wish you firstly a happy wedding anniversary, and secondly see how your initial interview went today?  All good I hope    Looking forward to hearing all your news.

Love Lolly xxxxx


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## flickJ

Oh thank you for your good wishes, Our day was perfect. 

We had to set off from home early for the interview and arrived an hour early   we were interviewed for three and a half hours! and they said they would send the forms out after the weekend for us to officially apply. They seemed very positive (or is that just wishful thinking   ) 

Dh and I went into the town for lunch and look around the shops .......... and he bought me an Eternity ring    and I bought him an Eternity watch
He said as it is the beginning of our journey together, he wanted to make thing memorable for us. Soppy muppet   

Keep your fingers crossed for good news


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## -x-Lolly-x-

3 1/2 hours   My head was mashed after 2!!!   But sounds like it went so well, and you breezed through stage one!! Congratulations  

As for your DH, what a lovely lovely thing to say and do, brought a little tear to my eye.  But he is right, you have good things to come.  I'm so glad


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## flickJ

Well, Friday thirteenth es again  

Spoke to soon when I thought it was going well. VA rang today with queries about my medical condition. It turns out my condition is extremely rare so there is not much information about it. I have a mild form of the disease but unfortunately everyone reads the details on the internet, which give a gloomy outlook    There is no treatment so you just get on with it and make the best of it.

I am going to see my specialist in two weeks for my yearly 'M.O.T' (taking bloods to see if there is any change) so they asked if she could write a letter confirming my fitness and ability to go through the adoption process as it is very stressful  

I think most of the ladies on here know the meaning of stress  

That was not the worst of it ............ now, don't judge me too hard, but it is concerning our dogs - all six of them. I know, I know, you are all shouting "how can you expect to adopt a child with six dogs?" and since we started this process, we have been thinking long and hard about the situation. DH was of the opinion that we should not make any snap decisions at the beginning of the process and get rid of some, but we should wait to see what was said and then show them we are taking positive steps to solve this problem by having the dogs assessed by a dog behavior specialist and discus which dogs to re-home.

I rescued my oldest dog at 18 months and she is 11 now, Penny is 10 and we rescued her at six months and we rescued honey at six months and she is now 8. The other three are the puppies of Honey, she came to us pregnant (we did not know) and her pups are 7 and a half.

My dogs give me so much comfort as I am unable to work and am at home with them,and when I have a bad day they are there for me. Parting with them will be so hard, but I have to look at the bigger picture.


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh Flick, what a hard thing to think about.

I know that my cat is my 'baby' and the thought of having to discuss re homing would kill me.  I understand that the bigger picture is your child, but infertility can cause years of heartache and so these are our comfort.  Will you definitely need to re home some?  Is there anyone you know who could help and then you could still visit?  

As for the medical query, I am hoping that the fact you only have a yearly check means you are managing your condition well and so your specialist can back you up.  Its so hard isn't it.  No one is perfect, and all the digging they do will always find a problem.  I understand health can be a biggie, but they always say that if things are being managed well and you are physically able to give the best care to a child, then you will be ok.  I am sure its just routine and you will be fine, thinking of you and hoping it hasn't got you down.  Have just posted in my diary that they questioned us today about some debt, there is always something.  But we keep on fighting! 

   Lolly xxxxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Flick my thoughts are with you.

It seems there is no list of things we can be judged for  . I totally agree with Lolly that it seems your condition is really well managed and that is why you only need to be seen once a year. Any logical person can see that you are healthy and fit to parent if there were any concerns about your health you would be seen regularly. However SS have to be totally sure and have it in writing with a cherry on top I'm afraid. I am 110% sure this is simply something they have to get enough paper work on to show it isn't an issue and so it doesn't crop up as a problem at panel. 

We can't start for at least 5 months due to house and past treatment. So I am trying to think of all things like that and arm myself with the research for when we start. Not sure if this will seem practical and resourceful or annoying to SW? 

A big positive (although I know it won't seem that way now so please don't think I'm being insensitive) is that this has come up now so can be sorted quickly rather than it delaying panel etc much further down the line. x x x x


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## flickJ

Thanks girls, I really appreciate your support  

I was beginning to have doubts about myself, but DH shook some sense into me (not literally!) and this morning we woke up with a plan to put into action positive things. 

We have arranged for the dogs to be assessed by a training centre who "adopt" dogs and give them safe homes and they continue to monitor the dogs. Unfortunately, we know from reading about the assessment that is given by the SW that as soon as they ask "has any of your dogs shown aggression?" the answer has to be yes. The collie has killed birds, hedgehogs and bitten the postman and the two boys have had a fight (sibling-rivalry) and we both realise that we have to be totally honest, especially when a child is involved. 

Gwyneth, I too am glad these issues have come up now. I, naively, thought that it would take just an ordinary medical - that is because I feel it is not an issue, but I can understand it is to anyone who does not understand my condition and has not researched it. All I can do is present them with all the facts and try to show them I will not let this set back stop me.

It seems we have all got little 'issues' to deal with at the moment, but I am sure we can address them and go forward


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## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad to hear DH has cheered you up and your back on the positive path. Doubts will always come now and again as they do for anyone on the route to being a parent especially a path as hard as ours. I think they throw these problems at you in part to see how committed you are and how you respond. Let us know when you get stuff through and it all gets sorted x x


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## nutmeg

Sounds tough for you there on a couple of fronts    Hope you can remain positive and things progress as you want them to.


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## BlueStar

Hi flickJ
Just read your diary,   Sorry to hear about your m/c.  When we were ttc, I found this site and the members kind messages invaluable.
It's a shame you may have to re-home your dogs.  I have two cats and we wouldn't dream of re-homing them, they're part of our family and we adopted the animals.  Neither of our cats have shown agression, they're two teddy bears. They play as cats do which can be really funny to watch, animals are our furbabies. 
As for medical conditions, everyone has a medical history, all the questions the SW have now are all in the best interests of the child/children.
I wish you luck on your journey.


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## flickJ

Thanks for your kind words Bluestar, you're right - this site can provide a lot of support when you need it. 

The results of our assessment of the dogs has come back and, although none of our dogs came up as serious dangers, we have decided two of  them may be a problem if children where in the house and we will have to re-home them in the proper manner   (to do what is best for the dogs)  We are waiting for the report from the specialist and then the VA have said they want a further interview   

I am starting to think things will never move on! Just need to be patient, I guess (not my strong point)


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Stuff will move forward. Waiting is the hardest part because we have all waited so long already but it will be worth it in the end. When you need a boost read mummyinwaiting's diary it will keep you focused on the end goal. I am sure everything will sort out and you will be a brilliant Mummy x x


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## flickJ

At last, I have some news - the report from the specialist came back and I sent a copy to the VA, which was accepted, so that seemed to be quite encouraging. On the dog front, we have agreed to re-home two to a re-homing centre and signed them over  , but until they find a new home they will be "fostered" by us so they do not have to go into kennels  

My step-daughter has just moved into a house with her DP and has found out she can keep a dog, so another one of our dogs has gone to her and at least we can still see him  

After making these changes, our VA decided we had shown enough commitment so they are happy to go ahead with our application, which we signed on Sunday. We took it over to the VA (which is an hour away) and hand-delivered it. We are getting to know the route to ********* as we have been over there four times already! We are keen  

We have taken the medical forms to the doctor and they are going to ring me when the have an appointment. VA rang tonight and the paperwork is being checked, and checks being done, so things are moving on now. 

Getting excited, but trying to stay cool.


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## gettina

I don't post much, am a bit of an adoption lurker, being just at the waiting to start stage, but I just had to say how in awe i am of your commitment to your future and as yet unknown child, in signing over two of your dogs. A vvvv tough situation. Well done and I hope a couple as lovely as you guys fall in love with them and 
provide just the right new home for them in due course, the way you are going to for a little one.
You deserved the recognition from the va and I hope the process just gets easier and easier for you. 
Gettina x


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## flickJ

Thank you so much for your  kind commentscomments - they really touched me   

Good luck on your journey and best wishes


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## flickJ

We have just been invited onto a Prep Course on 4th, 11th, and 18th July   and our references all received their forms on Friday. Seems to be going really quickly now (just waiting for it to come to a grinding halt   ) 

Getting nervous now - its REAL!


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh Flick, that is wonderful news!  You are motoring now!!  Really happy that you are here.  You have made some big sacrifices, and I hope your SW and adoption team realise what big sacrifices you have made in order to progress.  It is these selfless acts that will make you a fab mummy   xxxx


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## Maccer

Fantastic news Flick, so happy for you.   

Maccer x


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## nutmeg

Great news


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## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad everything is moving for you x


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## flickJ

Well, what did I tell you - we had a "bit of a wobble" earlier this week. One of our references decided they could not answer the very detailed questions they ask you on the questionaire, so pulled out   they did, however, give us an excellent character reference. 

We didn't really have anyone who knew both of us for a long time, visited us at home and knew us around children, as we had met and married later in life and then moved away  

We explained our dilemma to the VA and said DH could provide a reference of someone who knew him in his "previous marriage" in fact since childhood, and had spoken to me and we had visited him. Trouble is he is in Switzerland  

We told them we are prepared to fly him over from Zurich for an interview and they seemed delighted with this (they must realise we are serious now) 

We could have been pulling our hair out when this happened , but we said "No, just keep calm and think about how we can solve this issue  ) It's all sent to test us  

Anyway things are still on track and we can't wait to start the Prep course.

Thanks for your good wishes and kind words, it is helping us stay positive


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## Loski

That's great news Flickj pleased you have managed to work a way around it x


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Well done you for staying calm. Didn't realise references were so detailed and in depth. Basically you need people who know you together with children that is hard to find. Great job getting it all sorted. Glad you are keeping so positive x


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi Flick  

How are you feeling? Excited/nervous/apprehensive/elated.... eeeek, it's nearly here!!  You will be fab, thinking positive thoughts for a smooth and happy journey.

Really looking forward to hearing how you get on xxxxx


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## flickJ

To be honest, I can't wait - I know at times it may be difficult and maybe there are things we do not really want to hear about   but we need to know if we are serious (and we are!) and I am so exited about our next part of our journey.

I have been counting how many "sleeps" we have left (thanks to Emma) and finding things to do around the house to keep me occupied. I don't feel nervous at all, a little apprehensive maybe, but its all sso exciting .........


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

3 more sleeps 😃 xxxx


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## flickJ




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## Mummy DIY Diva

Yey x


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Good luck for tomorrow I'll be thinking of you. Try not to be too nervous I didn't sleep the night before ours and all the nerves where not needed at all it was very laid back and we loved it. 

Let me know how it goes

Hugs 
Emma xxx


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## Maccer

Enjoy tomorrow Flickj, hope it all goes well.   


Maccer x


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## flickJ

Thanks Maccer and Emma, I  am so exited - I just can't wait  

I have even been watching the clock tonight and counting the hours (how sad am I!!!) I met DH at the door tonight from work and before I opened my mouth he said "I know, only one more sleep", how I am going to wait a whole week between prep days, I don't know   

Thanks again, ladies


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Woo hoo, you are nearly there!! I hope tomorrow goes well, I have no doubt that it will. Your journey is officially starting!! Can't wait to hear all about it   xxx


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## Maccer

It's lovely, I can feel your excitement jumping off the page.  I hope you get some sleep tonight.  Can't wait to hear about it.    


Maccer xx


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

How was it? 

Bet your shattered honey xxxx


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## flickJ

Sorry for the delay - but, yes, I was shattered and went to bed early  

Dh and I really, really enjoyed the day and learnt so much. It really brought everything we have read or heard about into context. I loved getting involved in the discussions and putting forward ideas.

There were six other couples including us, a couple for intercountry adoption and a single parent. Everyone seemed to be there for 0-2 range, but we were looking for older children or child. 

We discussed positive and negative attachment, and permanence. Watched a video and discussed case studies of children and how to deal with there difficulties. (Plenty to read and homework)  

My illness/condition tends to make me very tired, so you can imagine what I was like after the day. We were out at 7:45, drove an hour and didn't get back until 6:30   (not good for us oldies!)

I cannot wait for next week, still positive


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

So glad you enjoyed it honey. 

It's very draining but worth it. 

Enjoy your weekend xxxxx


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## Maccer

Hi Flickj,


So glad you enjoyed the day!  So much to look forward to, I hope your homework isn't too bad! 


Take care, 


Maccer xx


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Sorry for the late reply Flick  

Just wanted to say how glad I am that things went well at prep! Sounds pretty intense and of course very draining, but a positive experience. I can't believe they spread it out a week at a time, bet you are raring to attend day 2! Bet you are back to counting sleeps  

Keep the updates coming, it's lovely to read about everyones progress - makes me want it all the more  

Hope you are enjoying the weekend, Love Lolly xxxxx


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## flickJ

Thanks for the support, girls   You're all right, it is such a positive experience. To be honest, I am glad to have this time between sessions to fully absorb what I have learnt and to read all the handouts (and do the homework  ) It has made me think long and hard about the process and the children, and also the way we can help and understand.

When we were just beginning this process, I remember reading a post or it may have been in something I was researching, that this journey would provoke thoughts of how you were brought up and your own childhood or experiences you have had yourself or with your own children. I wondered what that meant, and now I am finding out.  

DH has mentioned that he is remembering his time parenting his three kids (all adults now) and I am thinking back to my own childhood and also my nieces and nephew.  It's a bit emotional, to be honest  

Oh dear, there's me getting all philosophical about things - back to real life and take the dogs for a walk.

Thanks for the good wishes, I'll keep you posted!!!


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## nutmeg

Great to hear how much you enjoyed it Flick    It does make you remember lot of things about your own childhood, although my memories are sketchy to say the least - not useful for when you're delving into things in lots of detail!

Enjoy Weds.


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## flickJ

Well, day 2 of the prep course done - wow, that one was a bit more intense. They did warn us it got more difficult, we left in a bit more sombre mood but still as positive.  

We learnt more about the children, how/why they came into care and the reasons. We learnt about loss/grief and how to deal with the emotions.  

I had a lump in my throat and had to fight back the tears a couple of times, but I made it through and I'm glad I did. 

More homework researching the reasons why children are in care, which I cannot wait to start. I feel I know a lot more about what to expect (there is always more though  ) and am really enjoying learning about this subject.

I can't wait for what the future holds for us


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## flickJ

Just got back from the final prep day   and we were allocated our SW, and she told us our first Home Study date was to be on the 31st July   Getting really excited now about the future. 

We had a talk from an adoptive parent today, and that was very interesting and we learnt about the dangers of ********   and the internet. More information on children's profiles which was the nasty part, but something you need to consider seriously. In a way I will miss learning more about this process as I really enjoyed it   but then again, I can't wait for the next part


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## nutmeg

OOh great news Flick. We were sad to leave the prep group too but have really enjoyed the HS and hopefully you will too. Another milestone completed


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Flick that's fab!  I'm really glad you enjoyed and learnt so much.  I can't wait to share the experience!  I have often thought about ********.  It is a big part of my communication with family and friends as I moved away.  But I think it is simply not worth an account, even if all the privacy settings are on etc - is that what they recommend?  Or enforce?

Yay for 31st, that is no time at all.  Wow, you really are flying now.  So pleased for you and hubby   xxxx


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## flickJ

Well, I think we have finally booked our medicals for wednesday. I took the forms over to the doctor six weeks ago ( they take their time, don't they?) 

When I took them in first time, I was given an appointment straight away, but they rang me back the same day to say the doctor did not realize he had to fill in part of the form so they would ring back   

So I followed up a week later, then three weeks, then this morning, when she greeted me with "Oh, hello ...... have you come about your appointment for fostering?" Through clenched teeth I replied "No, adoption"  

She gave me the appointment to sort out the forms, but whether that means they will do the medical then, I have no idea. When I mentioned if DH was to come for his medical, she seemed totally bemused that he would need a medical as well  

As soon as I got home I burst out laughing (it was one of those laugh or cry moments  ) I am not going to stress about it, just keep calm and carry on, as they say.

We'll see what wednesday brings


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## Billybeans

Hi Flick, I have read your diary for the first time and I look forward to reading more.  I feel for you about rehoming your pets. I have 3 cats and a dog and I hope if we decided to go down the adoption route that this wont be a problem but I guess you never know until you are in that situation.
Good luck, keep strong and stay calm and carry on.
xxx


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## flickJ

Thanks for your good wishes.  It is a journey of ups and downs, the downs for me have been having to face losing my beloved dogs but I hope the best thing is yet to come when I get my longed-for child.


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hope your ok honey 

Hope Wednesday goes well and you finally have your medical xxx


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## flickJ

What did I tell you  

The appointment was to talk about the forms, but we did stress that DH had taken the day off work and so the doctor agreed to test him and I have my medical next thursday. DH was given the OK the doc, and to be honest I am not stressing about it. 15 minutes and it was over then the doctor was chatting to us about his experiences as a foster parent, which was very incitful and did provoke a few thoughts for us. 

Anyway medical booked - DH fine, so all in all a good day


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## flickJ

Just returned from our first meeting about Home Study (as we are going with a VA 40 miles away, we are travelling there for some meetings and then they visit us for some) 

It seemed to go well - we discussed what we would cover in coming meetings, and homework to prepare for the next meeting   

Questions again about referees (how we are going to find what doesn't exist  ) and also difficulties with the Support Network. SW was positive that we could find a way round things, though.

Although she did question our three dogs that we still have, she did seem very pleased that we were sending our dogs to training classes and being proactive in showing they are obedient and well trained.  

Off to do more research and get prepared for next visit,


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## nutmeg

Woo hoo, all go from here    Everything will be ironed out over the course of your hs, so don't worry


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## flickJ

Thanks for the support Nutmeg, I need all I can get at the moment   

SW rang again yesterday and said she had talked to her manager and they were not happy that we could not provide anyone who had seen us regularly in the past five years., apart from family  

After being so positive she said they may not be able to continue.

We meet again in a week, but I am not feeling to positive. Who said this process was a series of ups and downs, I can vouch for that!!!!!


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## nutmeg

Oh no, that's really putting you through the ringer isn't it? I'm sorry. It can be so difficult to think of referees, especially if most of your time is spent with family (which is surely a good thing?).
I'm so hoping they have a better plan of action for you next week


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Oh no honey hope they can sort it soon. 

Xxxxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Flick I am so sorry that is awful. Honestly these people want everything!! How were we supposed to know we need to plan the last 5 years of our life round what they will ask us for. Really hope they find a way forward. If not is there a overseeing body of adoption agencies you could go to and ask their advice about how to get round it? A loving family is more use than all the friends in the world. You learn that when you go through as much as us. Unfortunately SW's haven't been through what we have and don't understand. Sending lots of thoughts and hugs x


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## flickJ

Thanks for all your words of encouragement - I am still lurking on the forum (and glad to see that everything is moving forward for you all). I am not posting regularly for obvious reasons.

We  needed some "time-out" to sort things out in our heads, and start to make changes to our lifestyle. We have made a couple of tentative enquiries to a couple of councils - not to start the process off again but to get their opinion of the situation and see if there is any hope for us.  I am not getting my hopes up for a positive outcome, but just a glimmer of hope would be enough (even if they said re-apply in a year's time!!!!

Good luck to all my friends out there, I'll try to keep up with all the good news


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## Mummy DIY Diva

I'm so glad you posted again. I felt terrible that it took me so long to reply. I think the way you have been treated is terrible. It's like you were meant to live your life in anticipation of adopting before you knew you were going to. No-one is capeable of that. I really hope you find someone who will work round it. 

Possible suggestions I've thought of - What about asking if you volunteered with a children's charity or something for 6 months would they let you use the manager / worker from that? Just trying to think out of the box for you. Tell me to shut up if you think it's ridiculous. Just thought maybe a professional might not have to have known you so long?? Just because I work in children's services and obviously when I'm asked for references my loyalty is to my integrity as a professional not the person asking me (does that make sense basically they will be honest because it brings their professional ability into question if they aren't) Just thought it may hold more weight and get a reference in a quicker time scale than a new friend or reconnected old friend. 

I really hope you are holding up OK. Everything is on hold for me too. My husband isn't ready and I can't do it alone so got to wait till he's in the same space as me. I also still like to keep up with how everyone is getting on. Sending lots of love x


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## nutmeg

Great to hear from you Flick    Good luck and take care of yourself.


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## flickJ

One thing positive to come out of all this is the fact that we have both got our enhanced disclosure forms, so one thing I have been doing is trying to do is some voluntary work involving children. I have tried schools around the area but no luck so far, but you know me I won't give up. 

Let's both hope next year brings more positive news for us, Gwyneth    

Nutmeg, thanks for your good wishes, all the best to you


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Keep fighting Flick, I know that you have the right spirit to make it in the end   I can't understand why you are not being snapped up with your offer of voluntary work.  I know when I worked in a children's centre I sure as hell would have    Keep trying, it may be that it is still relatively early in the school year and things are still settling down.  Even if you just get a foot in the door initially by offering to listen to the children read?  Or why not get involved in a local panto/production.  They will be desperate for volunteers, and plenty of littlies to work with generally.  Think of you often, big hugs   xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Options other than schools
Charities - Does Barnardos or action for children have a project in your area
Children's centres
Nurseries 
Guiding or scouting they have groups for children from 6 up to 18 - they are normally desperate for vols 
Don't know if you're religious but there's always Sunday Schools if you are 

Just a thought glad you're staying strong x x


----------



## flickJ

Thanks, some great ideas there - it seems the schools near us already have quite a few people volunteering and I wanted to stick to the age range we are looking at initially, but I intend to look further afield.


----------



## Billybeans

Hi Flick, I just wanted you to know I'm so sorry that it has come to this.
I started volunteering a month ago to my local brownies they are ages 7-10. There are also rainbows too which I think are 4-7. Go on the girlguiding website and have a look. I went on there and then registered my interest in the summer hols and a couple of weeks before the new term, they got in touch with me and they wre delighted I was interested. They told me they are desperate for volunteers. Depends on your area I guess but deffinately worth a go. I love going.
I erally hope this helps with your quest to become a mummy.
Good luck.


----------



## flickJ

Thanks for the info, shininng star xxxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi Hun, 

Just checking in really to see how you are doing and letting you know I am thinking about you and hoping you are moving forward in some way. Love G x


----------



## flickJ

Hi Gwyneth, Great to hear from you - you have always been a great support and I can always rely on you to come up with some good advice. 

After some "time-out" to access what had happened, we decided to make some positive changes.   We continued to do the house up, it was supposed to be getting it ready for a child/children, but if things do not work out with the other councils we are talking to, we will put it on the market and hope it sells quickly so we can move to the house we will be happy in. If they say we will progress but only if you stay where you are, we will stay here (one thing we have learnt from this is getting a child is a priority)

We have increased our "support network" by getting more involved in activities, had more interaction with kids/adults and brushed up our references.

What are they going to stop us on now?  There has been such good news on this forum lately as I watch all my friends go through panel and get matched - I so happy for them but get so angry that I am trying to chanel it into doing something positive.

OK, rant over


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Good for you Flick, now go sock it to em!!!   (   ) xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I am glad you are staying so strong. All your decisions sound really positive but I am also aware of how hard it must have been to make them so I hope the people round you are looking after you and giving you the support you need. Glad you are talking to other councils and not letting one bad experience put you off you are a brave strong woman and would make a brilliant Mum. I am sure one of the councils will see that x x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hey came across you on another thread and just wanted to check in. Hope you had a better experience with some of the other LA's and you are back on track. Also that you survived Christmas ok (always hard work for me x )


----------



## flickJ

Hi Gwyneth - Like you, I find xmas hard (especially this year when I should be getting ready to welcome a child like so many of the lucky ladies on this forum  ) but we haven't given up, no matter what they throw at us   

We have spoken to our local council and had a phone interview, and have been invited to an Adoption Day on January 15th so fingers crossed for that  

I'll keep you informed. How are things going with you? Any progress?


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi hun glad you are back on track. We have an initial screening interview on the 14th January after going to open days in early December. We can't start formally till April  / May time because we did another round of IVF in July that left a frozen embryo. We looked into agencies views on us leaving it frozen and they all said it would be a big unresolved issue so we used it in November so our 6 month wait starts from then. Which is frustrating because I feel like I've already waited since July. However it has given my husband the time to get his head round to adoption and having 3 lots of failed treatment has made him accept that IVF doesn't hold the answer. So although its been awful for me I always knew in my heart it wouldn't work and that adoption is the way I'll become a Mummy at least we are both  on the same page now x x


----------



## flickJ

Oh babe, I really feel for you - after all you have been through, the waiting must be maddening   at least something is happening and you are getting your face seen by the SW's and you have a date to work towards.

They say everything happens for a reason, maybe this is the time you need (as you say) for  you to be on the same page as we needed time to put things in order that stopped our first adoption  

I have a positive feeling that next year will bring good things for both of us


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Thanks hun just want to move forward. Let me know how the information day goes. We loved ours it made us feel really positive x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hey hun, 

How was your open evening. Been thinking of you x


----------



## flickJ

Hi Gwyneth, it went really well. Like you, I found it all very positive. I went there thinking "here we go again!" and, yes, a lot of it we had covered before - but we saw a very interesting video and did some exercises, and went through the entire process in depth. As far as I am concerned you can always learn something.

When she asked us if we had any questions, all we could say is "When can we start?", we explained that we had been through all the checks, medicals, prep course etc. and that we realised we had to start all over again but we don't need the thinking time. She gave us a form to fill in to ask for a Home Visit ( which we filled in and handed in the next day!) so it's a waiting game. 

I see by your notes that you have got a date for your prep course, congrats.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Thanks hun. Glad it went well hope they phone very quick. Ours called about 2 weeks after x


----------



## flickJ

Hi everyone, old friends and new!!!!!

After a rocky time, we finally have some good news. We had our initial visit from the LA in March which seemed to go well and we would hear in 5/6 weeks (due to them having to check with the VA from last year the reasons they did not go ahead) We were totally open with them about everything and told them how we had tried to work on our weak points. They confirmed all this and today I received a letter stating they where happy to move forward. There is going to be a delay whilst the new rules and paperwork come into affect, but that should only be a couple of months.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hello Flickj

So lovely to see you back. 

Wahoo your moving forward amazing news, hope it goes quickly for you and you become a mummy soon you deserve it so much. 

So happy to hear off you. 

Big hugs xxxx


----------



## flickJ

Hi Emma,

It's good to be on the journey again   although I am taking things cautiously this time, trying not to get too excited.

It's such fantastic news for you, I am so pleased for you and your family. I have been keeping up to date with all that has been going on here, but haven't been able to post (I'm sure you can understand why)

Thanks for the good wishes


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Of course I understand honey, I'm so excited for you I hope this is your time. 

Look forward to reading your updates. 

Thank you, hopefully 3 more weeks then we meet lo matching panel is a week on Tuesday so nervous but trying to keep positive. It's so strange after all these years finally having a nursery in our house. 

Keep I touch sweetie

Hugs xxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi Hun, 

So glad yeah  . The good news is the new time scale is 4 months for HS not 8 so if you're getting new system shouldn't be a long term delay at all for a little wait at this side so glad x x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi flick and welcome back, you have been missed! So lovely to read your news, made up for you. Can't wait to hear how things progress


----------



## flickJ

Hi everyone,

Still waiting ............ After an Adoption meeting on the 12th June to run us through the new rules which come into effect on the 1st July, we were told we would receive our Registration forms in about 2 weeks, but not to worry as we were all pre-approved    Apparently you cannot apply officially under the new rules until after the checks etc. 

I am keeping myself occupied with anything I can think off, cleaning the house, decorating, gardening etc.  

Back when the adoption broke down last year, we both decided to work the points brought up, and one of the things we wanted to do was to get into scouting. We initialling enquired about being volunteers but we have ended up setting up and running a 'Beaver' group, how did that happen?  

We are training to become leaders. I told DH it was a lot to take on, but strangely it has taken my mind of the adoption a bit and stopped me sitting at home getting overly-worried. Also when we mentioned it to the SW, her eyes lit up so it may be helping in the long run.

Trying to stay calm and     for good news soon.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hope they get intouch with you very soon Flickj. 

Big hugs xxxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I helped run guides for years it's full on for sure.  I am sure they will be in touch very soon I think it's the governments fault they haven't given all the guidance yet or something like that x x x


----------



## gettina

Hi flick 
Ah the waiting...
That is a lot to take on, but I hope you are both enjoying it and it will definitely score you points. Just have an answer to what will happen once you have child placed...
Hope you hear more soon
Gettina x


----------



## flickJ

Hi everyone,

Got the forms back and filled them in and handed them back the next day.

Things seem to finally be moving but for how long? We came up against the same old problem with references - but this time we have made provisions for it and we are hoping the council will accept that we don't have any joint referees as we come from different towns and haven't been together long enough   and work with us.

With the new timescales, it should not be too long until we find out, so all we can do is wait


----------



## Guest

Hi Flickj

I have often read your posts in the past and I am so pleased to see you are starting your journey again.  I will cross everything that it goes well for you - I think it is fab you are running the Beaver group - they will just LOVE LOVE LOVE that!!  I have to help a childminders every week and although at first I found it a bit of a pain I do love it and when I don't see the boys I look after I find myself missing them!

Good luck and with lots of hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## flickJ

Oh thanks Mrsjrum, it's so kind of you to be thinking of us. Good luck on your journey   you're nearly there now


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sounds great to me. To be honest I think joint referees are a bit unrealistic for most couples that have lived in separate places historically. The only reason me and DH can is because we met through mutual friends (friend of a friend type thing) so we can use them as they've known us both a long time and in their own right. Otherwise you tend to stick to your own friends really x x


----------



## flickJ

This could only happen to us!!!

Rang the LA this morning as we had not heard anything for three weeks and explained that we had brought the form back by hand on the evening and posted it through the letter box. Conversation went something like this:

"Good afternoon, I wondered if you could let us know how are case is getting on as we have not heard anything for a while?"

"Erm, what case? We haven't had your form back ......"

(My world just comes crashing down) 

"But I put it through the letterbox the day after we received it"

"We don't use that letterbox anymore, it should have been sealed up"

Fortunately they had a key and could open it and she shouted "Don't worry I have got it here  "

They assured me a SW would be ringing soon and she gave me the dates for the courses, but it was a real comedy sketch!


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Oh no! 

So glad they found it honey phew. 

Hugs xxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Oh sweetie but they have it now and you have dates which is fantastic news  x x


----------



## Guest

Phewee!!!! What a relief - sorry you had that initial panic - must have been horrible at first.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thank goodness you rang! Glad all is well that ends well xxx


----------



## gettina

Honestly flick! Ohwell, at least not like you've been waiting long to get moving or anything.... 
Yes, v good example of need t call and check in sometimes.
Good luck, now they've - finally - got it.
Xxx


----------



## flickJ

Its going from bad to worse  

DH has been complaining about swollen joints, general tiredness and pain everywhere!   He went for a blood test a couple of weeks ago and as a result, was feeling he could not proceed with the adoption if it turned out to be what he thought it might be  

Our SW rang at 12:15 and I was worried about blurting the wrong thing out on the phone, something that may cause them to have second thoughts
about us as adoptive parents, that I let the message go to answer phone.   

Anyway, it all turned out OK with DH and we booked our medicals and filled in the forms for the CRB's so we are back on track. SW asked if she could arrange a visit, she suggested the 13th August as she could come on the 6th but that would not give us a lot of time to get everything together ...... to which I replied "The 6th will be fine!"  

I keep thinking, what more can they send to test us, you have to laugh


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad you have a visit booked Flick yay. Also very glad DH is okay health can be scary can't it. You'll be doing hours of homework like me now x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh my goodness Flick, no more dramas   so glad hubby is ok and whoop whoop, the 6th is super soon!!!   really happy you are back on track


----------



## flickJ

Thanks for the support, girls - its not easy, is it?    but in the long run, well it will be worth it. xxxxx


----------



## flickJ

What a day we have had!  

SW visited today, and checked all our paperwork (again, but in more depth), she explained more about how the new process works, gave us loads of paperwork to fill in for next time and said she expected us to go to panel next Jan/Feb  

She wrote about our recent experiences with the scouts and the training we are going through to become Leaders ( she was impressed by the First Response Course we have completed, along with the Safety and safeguarding)

We received an assessment form for the dogs, but there seemed to be no issues about us having the three. I hope it stays that way   

We are booked in for the initial training next Tuesday and we have our medicals on Friday, so after our DBS's come back we can expect another visit. In the meantime, she will arrange to visit our referees  

After she left, DH and I just hugged each other and said "That was such a positive meeting"

Maybe things are finally turning our way, or am I being premature?


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

No way are you being premature, that's sounds a brilliant meeting     and I am so happy for you! You have been patient, have waited, have made changes to your lifestyle and have always shown willing so you deserve this now, enjoy it


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing this is your time and you deserve it more than anyone your commitment has been incredible.  So pleased x x


----------



## flickJ

Thanks girls, your support through all of this has been invaluable   

DH knows you both now and keeps saying "Have Lolly or Gwyneth replied yet?"   

It is all sounding so positive that even DH has started saying "When it happens .......... ", we were both so down after what happened and it hit DH hard but it looks as though we may have a glimmer of hope


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Awww bless hubby, and of course we have   behind you all the way lovely, both of you!!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Tell DH by fathers day he'll have an extra card for sure x x x


----------



## gettina

They don't say all that and get that much paperwork in motion if they don't have a damn good instinct about you. Definitely more than a glimmer of home Flickj - it's at least a ***** 
Yay! Better times x


----------



## flickJ

Oh thanks Gettina, I'll take that "*****"


----------



## Sq9

Good luck flick - sounds like things are finally going in the right direction.  The rate that this year is flying by, your panel date will be here before you know it


----------



## flickJ

Isn't it funny how the smallest thing can get you excited?  

Today we were able to start to track our DBS online ......... It strange but it's such a relief to see that it has been received   (Daft, isn't it) 

Ecomap, geogram, Chronology, Self-Assessment, Health & Safety, Dog Assessments, Medicals done, just the Family form to do this weekend. References all sent out and some have been returned already, it's seems to be coming together. 

We are going to get the dogs assessed by an independent person, we had it done last year for the failed adoption last year but have done more training and all the trainers are writing a report for us, so hopefully there won't be any questions about our three dogs.

DH's boss got his work reference and also received his personnel reference at home (advantage of his boss being a good friend)   He filled the form in straight away, much to the annoyance of his wife who had prepared his tea. 

When she asked what was more important?, he replied "The Adoption"


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

That all sounds brilliant Flick everything is really moving well that's fab. You have been super busy getting all that done hope you've had some time to relax as well. 

Love DH's boss but boo to his wife (glad he had his priorities straight.) It is exciting to see stuff moving forward isn't it   you must be nearly ready to get to the next stage now x x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Awww Flick it sounds like it's all coming together nicely and you have every right to be excited! I'm excited for you


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I have changed my name flick just in case you are confused x x


----------



## flickJ

Thanks, girls - I was confused at first, when reading your diary - or what I thought was your diary   - but I had a good chuckle when I guessed why you changed it


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Yay looks like your really moving honey so happy for you  xxxxx


----------



## flickJ

Thanks Emma, feeling positive about things ............. but I'm still cautious about things   

This is about the point we got to last year, so every time the phone rings - I panic  . Don't know what I would do without you girls to keep me sane.


----------



## flickJ

Hi Everyone, 

It's been a bit quiet for me lately due to the fact of waiting for all of our references, DBS, checks being collected, but I am pleased to say that they are all done and dusted.  

We have completed two days of our prep course (the next one is monday and then a week later) and we are really enjoying it. It's similar to the one we did last year but the delivery was better, and the group of potential adoptive parents was really friendly and the whole atmosphere was better.

On Friday, the adoption manager rang us to say we had been put onto stage two, allocated a SW and given a few possible dates  

I was asked to ring her to arrange a date to start Home Study after asking DH

Well, you know me .......... as soon as I had hung up, I texted DH and then our SW so next Friday is the day it all begins


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh BRILLIANT news Flick, I am so delighted for you and DH     Lets get this party started!!!


----------



## gettina

Woohoo. So pleased. Add glad prep is feeling nicer too. PROGRESS!!!
Xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Yay so happy for you honey xxxxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Oh fabulous news too right you're on stage 2 quick as possible they obviously recognise quality when they are shown it. Amazing x x


----------



## Sq9

Great news xx


----------



## Wyxie

Glad to hear things are moving forwards.  The waiting is so hard, whatever it's for.  Haven't we all had too much waiting already?


----------



## flickJ

Too true, Wyxie    

Thanks Girls, DH and I value the support we get on this forum so much ............. I don't know if I would get through it without you


----------



## flickJ

Hi there, 

Finished prep course yesterday, (a much better delivery than the first time around we thought, more down-to-earth and less negative.) 

We had our first HS meeting last Friday, which went well. SW loves our dogs   

She gave us a run-down of how stage two works and booked HS sessions til the end of the year,
and gave us a provisional panel date in February  , assuming all the work is done. She said as we are some of the first ones on the new 'condensed' time line, they don't really know if everything can be done 

DH has had to fly out to France on business this week, so I have a one-to-one session booked on Thursday (get that out of the way  ) and, rather conveniently, our daughter and her fiance are visiting in a few weeks to help with the decorating so SW will do her interview then


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Brilliant news so happy for you Flick. This agency seem very professional and organised which is much better for you x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hey lovely lady   Hope your 1:1 went well yesterday


----------



## flickJ

It seemed to go well  

SW is really nice and we ended up laughing and chatting for about two hours    Just like talking to a friend. 

Next session on Tuesday and then SW is away for a week and we are also away for the weekend in Brighton  

We have had to sacrifice our holiday this year because of HS, so we are having a weekend away, and combining it with seeing DH's son. It will be a nice change of scenery, and sometimes you just need to get away from the norm, especially as everything is so intense at the moment


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sounds good Brighton is supposed to be lovely.  Glad sw is nice sounds perfect for you two x x


----------



## gettina

Great! SO much nicer a process when your sw is lovely. Hope you gave a great time away. X


----------



## flickJ

Just finished our fourth Home Study session  

We are really relaxed about it  

I think it maybe because we have done most of the forms and arranging medicals during Stage One. We were telling SW today that we felt that was the worst part, due to the condensed timescales, and that not having to worry about all that has enabled us to enjoy this stage  

We are very open and comfortable about the process, and our weekly meetings seem to fly-by  

Part of me (the negative part, that is waiting for something to put a spanner in the works) is thinking "Is it supposed to feel like this?" and part of me (the mummy-in-waiting   ) is thinking this is meant to be.


----------



## flickJ

Hi Everyone,

Well, six meetings down and SW said she has got most of what she needs for the PAR. We have now moved on to the types of children we would or would struggle to cope with, something I am finding hard - harder than the previous sessions, the meetings should be finished by xmas or just after.  

I think I am finding it hard because I don't really know what DH feels, when I try to discuss it - I just get "well, I can cope with anything, I have already had kids and it has to be your decision"   

I am starting to feel the pressure to get everything right, and even his mother has commented that I should maybe look at an "easier, older child " option as she doesn't know if I could cope  

Guess I am just getting pre-panel jitters   and all those negative thoughts come into play

SW mentioned stating our "Family Book", any tips, lovely ladies?


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I think these are really hard decisions. I understand that DH is trying to be caring but he has to give his input he has to live with the decisions and it has to be a joint thing. 

Age is a hard one. Older doesn't men easier and neither does younger I don't think each age and individual brings their own challenges. The most important thing is what age of child do you want to parent? What is that picture in your head telling you? With needs don't feel guilty be honest about what you want. Our SW said with a lot of things like Autism or downs syndrome they have more concerns and questions if you say yes rather than no because they need to know you are being realistic. Also you need to be practical - what would fit in with the hobbies and activities you do (SW words not mine.) She told us that certain needs we were willing to consider weren't sensible because it wasn't compatible with mine and DH's lives. 

Either way you need to decide together and be honest with yourselves and each other. Good luck - remember it isn't set in stone you can always alter them later with the new system. 

Also ignore MIL she last parented a long time ago and obviously doesn't know your strength xx x


----------



## flickJ

Thanks Diva, I really needed to hear that right now   

I think I am over thinking things, you're right - I should believe in myself more and be true to myself   I just need a good kick up the ***


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Our Sw once said to us when we couldn't decide on age we said 0-4 at 1st she said do you want to do a bottle feed.. Do you want to push a buggy we answered yes to both so her answer was well you want as young as possible and no older than 18 months and we have been so blessed with our ds he's amazing.

I hope this helps honey

Big hugs xxxx


----------



## flickJ

Yes, Emma - it does help.

I think I need to stop focusing on the age, but on what part of my life I want that child to help fill (if that makes sense)   

We have always looked at it from the point of view of practicality, as Diva said, and that is what DH means when he says he is not bothered about age, sex or whether the child comes with problems.

But, realistically, although I am older - I will always want that bonding and need that a younger child can give  

When we see a buggy with a child in it, DH sighs and says "That looks like the way we are going ........"  

You watch, I will end up falling in love and being matched with a seven year old  , but as I told DH, we can look younger next time    (I won't tell you his reply)


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I think you need to be honest because if you aren't when it comes to matching then you will be bombarded with profiles that realistically you'd never consider - if that makes sense. 

It's a blooming mine field. I think if your SW is nice talking it through with SW can really help.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi Flick! 

Wow you are nearly there now lovely   I think everyone gets hung up on age. And realistically how many people are matched with children they never thought the would be. I remember me and DF chatting about not wanting a child under 12 months due to the uncertainty. Oh, and of course it had to be a boy, no question about it! Well, look what happened there...   I think you often just have to go with your gut when you see a profile because when you know you know. In terms of what you could and couldn't accept you have to be honest. This will impact your family and rest of your lives. I felt so guilty saying no but our social worker told me it would be more selfish to say yes as I could potentially take a child away from their perfect match because I felt bad. That made me feel better because of course she was right. Also like Diva has said you'll get questioned more heavily if you do say yes to more complex needs because they'll think you have unrealistic expectations or limited understanding. Be true to yourselves. A tell hubby you do really need his input, you're in this together and it's too much for one party to cope with alone.

I was terrified at this stage because I worry about everything   but we were fine and you will be too hunny


----------



## snapdragon

Our sw said to us it was just a general guide to help them with matching so don't worry too much. We said we wanted a slightly older child aged 2.5-5 but were matched with a 19 month old, 22 months when he came home. The biggest discussion we had was whether we would consider a child on the autistic spectrum. I wanted to say no and dh wanted to say yes. We ended up saying yes and the first thing we knew about our lo was his birth dad had Aspergers giving lo a significant chance of inheriting it. At nearly 3 it is too early to be sure but he shows no signs at the moment.


----------



## flickJ

I don't know what I would do without all you lovely ladies to give me advice and support, it's invaluable ..........I have had a good talk with DH (and myself  ) and I think I have managed to get my head around things a litttle  

Funnily, reading profiles has helped me, SW brought some CPR's and also we have joined up to CWW. We can read profiles without falling in love with the pictures as we did in the beginning  

SW seemed to think we could be matched fairly easily and she was thinking of a few potentials already  

We are really enjoying the meetings, and SW has been to visit one of  DH's daughters, the family reference, one of our personal references. She has tried to arrange to see the other but she lives in London, so it will have to be after Christmas (going down to London before Christmas is probably not a good idea  )

We did have to broach the subject that we have just found out that our eldest dog does not have long to live. Her kidneys are giving out and she is losing weight and muscle-function. At the moment, she looks happy ..... eating, drinking and playing with the others but as soon as that changes, we will know it is time and will let her go peacefully. We have been around animals to long to prolong the inevitable, but it will hurt so much


----------



## Primmer

Sounds like its all going well, how exciting that sw already has children in mind for you. Do sorry to hear about your doggy, sending hugs.


----------



## flickJ

This week's meeting seemed to go well - saw some CPR's which were quite thought provoking   but I guess that is the kind of thing we have to get used to.

SW said she would be writing our PAR and would see us some time in January, just to make sure she had not missed anything and also to make any alterations  

She will try to visit our final reference over christmas and that is us done  

She mentioned the possibility of Concurrent planning, which we said we are not interested in, and also "Foster-to-adopt" which may be something we would consider. I need to learn a little more about it from the threads on here and the BAAF website, but it may work for us 

To be honest, we feel more than ready and just want to get to panel


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Bet you are very ready for panel. Hopefully it will fly by 12 th February can't wait for you x x


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## Sq9

Feb and panel will be here before you know it


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## gettina

It all sounds perfectly lined up flick. So hope you see a CPR for real shortly after panel  .
Gettina x


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## Wyxie

Hi Flick, somehow I missed your diary for a while and just read back a bit.  I really sympathise with what you're saying about your husband not wanting to get involved in decision making. 

When we were thinking about whether we should have Bladelet placed, and I had a major wobble a month or so before matching panel because Wyxling was not doing so well at that time, all hubby would say was "well, you have to make the decision, because it all comes down to whether you can cope with both of them."  I knew he really wanted Bladelet and to have a baby, and that he was really hoping for a child who could give him more than Wyxling, but it was incredibly unfair of him to put that all onto me.  I kept trying to explain to him that it wasn't that simple, it was down to what would be best for both the children, and I wasn't sure that a sibling so close in age was going to work with Wyxling's problems, but in his mind it was all what I could cope with, because he wasn't going to be the one at home with them all the time.  I think that, combined with the fact that I'm the infertile one, put a huge amount of pressure on me to say yes to something I wasn't entirely sure about and I found it hard to think about the situation objectively without his support.

You need to give your husband a massive kick up the backside because he absolutely has to be fully involved in the matching process.  It is not a decision you should make on your own.

Hope you had a lovely Christmas, and all the best for the New Year.


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## flickJ

SW dropped our PAR off this morning   She has done such a good job, not many changes.

It is all a bit surreal at the moment, and we still can't believe it's panel next month. 

Our oldest dog is still hanging on in there, although she is having more bad days than good. We have decided to take it day-by-day, but at the moment she isn't suffering  

SW just needs to run it all past her manager and then call back to see us towards the end of the month. So ........(deep breath)


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing news my lovely it's so strange reading all that information about yourself isn't it. DH and I ended up in tears reading ours (although obviously very manly tears from DH not girly ones.) Literally can't wait till you get your yes and a match I will be so happy it'll make my month x x x


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## flickJ

Thanks Diva, 

Still can't believe we're nearly there - I know exactly what you mean, I was 'welling' up at some of the kind words that where written  

DH has yet to read it - I'm sure we will get "well, that seems fine to me ...." (he,s not much on emotions  )


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Awww hooray!!! This is brilliant news   Has hubby read it yet? Isn't it like the 'this is your life?' big red book?!! Eeeeek you're nearly there now! So happy for you both!!


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Just seen the provisional panel date in your signature Flick loving it 3 and a half weeks


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Ooooooh 12th is a good date


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## flickJ

It's been an eventful week for us  

We got an e-mail on monday from our SW saying she was having medical tests and was going off sick indefinately   

Our first concerns were for SW as we have grown quite fond of her, but she has completed our PAR and handed it over to her manager for a second opinion and has arranged for the senior SW (she was the one who did our initial visit and all stage one) to be with us at the panel   We know her quite well so we are pleased. They have already given us another SW to take us through matching and she is the SW who was on the Prep course, so she knows us and she is lovely. 

I had to take some paperwork into the council yesterday and saw the manager, and we chatted for a while  who told me he sits on the panel   (DH said it will prepare me for panel)

He asked me some questions about why we were 'asked to withdraw'   from the previous VA, and when I told him he grinned and said "and you have worked so hard to address those concerns, I'm so pleased" and when he asked about how I cope with my long term illness, I just told him that I do not try to hide my limitations ..... but have learned to find solutions to them   and I told him my personal goal was to lose weight to be in the best shape I could to look after a child (I lost 5 1/2 stone in one year) to which he replied "Excellent"

He then sat back and said "I see you with a little girl when you are approved  " I just smiled stupidly ...............

I am sorry if this post seems a bit 'big-headed', but I am just so excited


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Such a shame about SW but sounds like your agency are handling it brilliantly and keeping everything on track. SO exciting not long at all now    Can't wait for that little girl or boy to come home with you x x


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## Sq9

It must be difficult to change sw but sounds like everything is very, very positive.  The 12th will be here before you know it


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## gettina

How encouraging!
Bet you are feeling pretty good! 
Xx


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## flickJ

Just a quick update ..........

Dropped some paperwork off today and SW gave us a profile that she had mentioned before  , arrrrrrrgh!


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh my goodness Flick....   (should I say eeek or not...?!!) xxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Oh my gosh what do you think and feel?  X x


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## flickJ

Completely stunned (and so was DH)  

Trouble is ....... neither of us can find a negative point - well, I suppose for me it would be that I 'younger' child as she is 5 years old and already started school, but when I weigh-up the positives of her profile, it is difficult to say no.

We are both reserving judgement and want to see other profiles, but it has given us many questions to ask and we would like to see her CPR IF we are approved


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Sounds a wonderful start and SW is obviously keen to get you matched ASAP which is fabulous. Keep us posted x x x


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## flickJ

As of 11:00 today,  myself and dh became approved to become parents. It was unanimous in the end  

I was surprisingly calm, even managing to eat breakfast whilst watching the Winter Olympics  

The sw's were in the panel room for about half an hour before (discussing my medical issues - it turned out the medical adviser was also an expert on neurological conditions,  so we passed with flying colour) and then they asked us in, after four questions we returned to the waiting room. 

I managed to make them all chuckle by saying, when asked about the dogs, that whilst we had been  completing our training for the adoption,  they had been receiving extra training  

We are both pleased that we have completed this part of the process,  but it is such a  strange feeling fur us - it is more relief after such a long time  

It's rather like passing your driving test and not having a car


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Just wonderful Flick     Congratulations to you both, so very happy for you and it's so deserved!!!   You made it my lovely


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## Sq9

Fabulous news flick   .  Hope you meet your lo very soon xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Fabulous news lovely had power cuts by me so struggled to get on sorry.  Enjoy some lovely celebrations x x


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Fantastic news, congratulations you and dh deserve this so much. 


Big hugs xxxx


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## flickJ

Thanks everyone  

It has been a long journey for both of us (and this is only the start  ) but we have managed to get there with your help and support - thank you all


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

I'm so happy for you honey now let's hope you can find a quick match and become a forever family. 
It's totally worth everything we've been through  

Big big hugs xxxx


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## gettina

the BEST news.
Well done.
You are going to be parents. I'm sooo thrilled for you.
Gettina


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## flickJ

It,s been a long time since I posted an update on this diary as I have found this part of the process unbearable  and so emotional.  

I was at the stage that I could not even bear to log on to this forum to read up on my friends progress  

In the past few weeks, I have been able to catch up - but not to join in  , it's embarassing really because the support and advise I have had on this forum has always been fantastic and I could not have got through this without all my friends.

It is only now that I feel I can update things: 

Hear goes - Almost immediately after our approval, we where shown the profile of a little 3 yr old pink, who completely won us over. Her SW had read our PAR and was all for the match, as where her managers. We got to the point when they told the parents that they should prepare for a final visit and then the bombshell ....... birth dad was moving down our street   

Our fears had come true, we had always said we didn't want to be matched to a child from our area  

I think our new SW was a bit embarassed, she bombarded us with profiles and even sent us on an Adoption Exchange Day in Bolton, which is the other side of the country from us. We managed to find a few profiles from that day, but I think she got told she shouldn't have sent us (little did they know  ) We saw a little pink from a council near us, she really interested us, and, on seeing the video of her, DH and I just looked at each other and smiled.

Meanwhile our original SW had taken our profile to the Consortium meeting in March, and had seen a little pink who might suit us ........ guess who?

Our SW tried to get information about her, but because of holidays, sickness etc. the info was delayed and we didn't get her CPR until the end of April. 

Our SW rang us in May to say she would be off sick until June at the earliest, and that our original SW was taking over, but she was also going off sick so the Manager would be stepping in  

We finally had our meeting on Wednesday, and all parties have agreed to go ahead with the link  

Our LO has been invited to a party on Sunday (which we are also going to), so we are allowed to 'admire her from a distance'  

We can't give her any indication that we could be her new mum and dad, but we might get to meet her.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

I haven't been able to get on here for a month and this is the first thing I've read and I'm crying I am so happy for you.  Sorry it's been so tough you are an amazing lady and will be a fantastic mummy hugs x x


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Fabulous news so so so happy for you. 

You deserve this so much and will be an amazing mummy xxxxxx


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## -x-Lolly-x-

I wondered where you had gone Flick, very glad you're back   Wow what a rollercoaster you've been on, so very happy to read of your happy ending and more smiles to come. It sounds like this was your destiny my lovely, funny how the world works. Here's to a smooth ride from now on


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## flickJ

Oh, thank you so much for your kind words   

Lolly, I think you are right - it does seem to have all been destined to happen this way (I could have done with it being a bit easier but heyho!)

All the worries of the past year seem to have blown away and I couldn't be happier (funny, that  )


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## Wyxie

What lovely news Flick.  I hope everything went well today.

Best wishes,

Wyxie xx


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## gettina

Sought you out as just wondered how you were doing as it had been a long whole since approval and am ssoooooo chuffed to hear about your pink link!! 
Hope the sneak peek was all you wanted it to be.

Wishing you well,
Gettina


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## flickJ

Things seem to have been a whirlwind lately  

We saw LO at the Activity Day (  ) although it was a little more than we bargained for  

We were introduced to her FC by one of the SW's, and we ended up playing on the games and equipment with LO, which was unbelievable. She played with DH whilst I talked to FC, then took my hand and led me to the play area whilst DH talked to the FC  

She   to me from the top of the climbing frame and my heart just melted

All the SW's said how beautiful she was and that she was one of the most popular children there.

We have filled in the paperwork for panel, and that has gone in for Matching Panel on the 29 July. We are due to meet her on the 18 August as FC is going away at the beginning of August, which is just typical that there is a delay, but at this stage, we are not going to complain - just so long as we become her parents one day    

We attended a Life Appreciation Day last week were we met her FC, Respite FC, Teacher and Reviewing officer. All good   

We were asked to arrange with School Admissions to transfer her details so she can start school in September  , and I couldn't believe the words were coming out of my mouth, when I phoned them to arrange my daughter's new school.

We are doing a DVD for her next week and updating the Family Book, it's surreal


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing I can't wait for your beautiful girl to be home.  You'll be a wonderful family.  Our Dvd made most our family cry it's so amazing seeing your grandchild / niece / nephew. Mu siblings said seeing our girls they felt so much more than they would being shown a scan pic or something similar.  Ekkkkkk hope the nect month doesn't drag too much xxxx


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## Primmer

Amazing news and update - hope the time passes quickly to you become a wonderful family


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Absolutely brilliant news, couldn't be happier for you! Congratulations mummy xxx


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## flickJ

Thanks everyone, it's so great to be able to talk about things with people who know what I am talking about  

I have no close family on hand to talk things through with (plenty of friends and DH's family, of course) but sometimes you need to talk to like-minded people  

I feel quite calm about it all, and so does DH, we just want to come to the end of the process and LO to be home   I just imagine her with us all the time and it all seems so right


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Hugs its frustrating isn't it I felt like that. People kept saying gosh not a lot of time etc but to me it felt like forever xxx


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Agreed, the wait between linking and matching was horrendous for me too. Once you start intros and little one comes home though time rockets by. I would say enjoy your sleep, meals out etc but I won't because I know all you want is your daughter home! So I'll say hang in there and slowly but surely the day will come and finally you'll be able start the rest of your lives together


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## flickJ

We went to Matching Panel today and came away with a unanimous YES    

We arrived in good time, which was lucky as we were told panel was at 11:00 instead of the 11:10 we had been told  

Panel was very relaxed and friendly, we went in at the same time as all the SW's so were in there a good 40mins, and we answered 8 or 9 questions  

At the end,  they asked us to go out while they considered the outcome, which was positive. They congratulated us on how far both of us had come regarding my weight-loss (five and a half stone in a year) to improve my health and fitness, contact with children (setting up and running our own scout group) and our "dog situation" (re-homing three) which showed our dedication to the process. It was so nice to have our hard work recognized


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## Mummy DIY Diva

So pleased for you and DH have been waiting for you to post great news.  Can't wait for updates once your princess is home xxxx


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Wahoo that's fantastic news congratulations you deserve this so much I'm so happy for you. Xxxx


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## Sq9

Congratulations     . The start of some amazing times for you xx


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Fantastic, many many congratulations     So happy this day has finally come   Not long now mummy xxx


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## Primmer

Congratulations   that is great news !


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## flickJ

Thank you all so much  

Intros are due to start 18th August (delayed slightly due to FC being on holiday at the moment) and due to bring her home 28th - which so happens to be DH's birthday   

I guess he knows what his present will be


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing my DH birthday as a few days after placement day it was lovely buying cards with Daddy on in fact they're still up nearly three months on lol xxxx


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## Jacks girl

Great news Flick     xxxx


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## gettina

I hope intros are going well flick. Sending love x


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## gettina

How goes it flick?
Hoping you are loving family life.
X


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Keep thinking of you and hoping for an update hope your Princess is settling in well xxx


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