# We Can't Be The Only Ones??



## MIMI4 (Feb 16, 2007)

Hi all

Thanks for your replies re financial situation and adoption. I have spoken to sw today and they are very keen to have us on board but will not take it further until we are 'actively' paying off our 2 credit cards. It was a blow, I mean, yes we ARE managing every month but surely we are not the only ones in this situation who are seeking adoption? We pay the minimum each month and are starting to reduce them as business is improving rapidly but they won't take us forward yet. DP was really cross, he said this is not realistic! LOADS of people 'live' on credit cards. We didn't have any until 2 years ago when we started up a business (I'm also in part-time secure work), but needed them to make things work. So now things have greatly improved I thought we would at least be sent for the info meeting. SW also said how would we manage if DP lost his job? Lots of people have unfortunately lost jobs been made redundant etc but our jobs are are pretty secure. And there are lots of what ifs in life! I'd also read that they take on unemployed, people in debt, rented accomodation etc etc........SW said not to be too low about it as we can go back to them in a couple of months time, by this time we are likely to have to wait until Feb 10 for the next prep course.  

Feel very let down, we have so much to offer, lots of experience with LAC children and others. If we had very high debts that we couldn't manage we wouldn't even be considering adoption.......

Anyone else had this?? Rant over 

MIMI4


----------



## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Mimi - so sorry that they've suggested you need to reapply in a few months. Like you say "things happen" and no-one's job it entirely secure these days. Is there another LA you can apply to in a couple of months time instead? Or could you get the one you've been speaking to provisionally book you on a prep course later this year and revisit your finances then? 

Good luck, CG xxxx


----------



## mavis (Apr 16, 2004)

Hi Mimi,

No I havent but I wanted to say I am sorry to you.  What a horrible thing to happen, in adoption every part of your life is picked on and it feels so unfair at times when most natural pg's can just have their children without having all of this.

I just hope and pray for you that the couple of months will come round soon.

Take care and I wish you lots of love and luck,

mavis x


----------



## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi

Sorry you are facing this setback, it must be very frustrating for you.

Our LA were very hot on finances and we had to be actively saving during HS even though we had/have no other debts than our mortgage and were both earning good money.  I'm now into the last 3 months of my leave and this is unpaid so i will be needing some savings to help me still do things with DS.  Though I found it a bit 'off' being told to save, I am glad we did now as it is stressful enough without having money worries as well.

Yes, they say they will take people who are unemployed, live in rented accomodation etc but basically they are looking for people that are living 'within' their means and if you are only paying the minimum off each month they may feel you are living on a very tight budget or above your means.

You could always contact other agencies within a 50 mile radius and find an agency that will take you forward now on the understanding that approval panel or matching could be delayed until the debts paid off or manageable.

Good luck with your journey.
OT x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

I also would say "saving" money during the process is a very good thing as now we are on one imcome it is harder for us as in not able to just go out and buy what we want- i have to think more about things we buy however we didnt save anything- wish we had!

x


----------



## MIMI4 (Feb 16, 2007)

Hi everyone

thanks for your replies. I have calmed down after Tues news. I do understand they don't want us to be stressed with finances in the future but also forgot to mention they had asked if dp lost his job, how would we manage? Also said they like adopters to take a year out to care for the child. Are they being realistic?? Yes, our aim would be to take a year or more out but you never really know what's going to happen. Isn't it better for a child to live with a family who can love, care and provide (we have lots of stuff from ds) rather than stay in foster care? I KNEW I would get wound up through this process and we haven't even started!!!!

SW said if we had a 'good enough' plan they may take us forward. They also mentioned they wouldn't consider us for a sibling group because of ds, which in some ways I can understand. I have felt upset over the last few days as we know we have so much to offer a child and wouldn't have applied if we knew we couldn't afford to. I almost feel like we are back to square one in which way to extend our family, even thought (for a few mins) about ttc again, but we don't really want to go there again we are in a different place now.


I have thought of approaching another LA or VA but really liked sw I spoke to. Maybe things will work out.....

Thanks agian

MIMI4x


----------



## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi again

I guess with the credit crunch hitting they may look into finances more than in the past.  If your DP lost his job would he get redundancy payout to cover you for a couple of months while he looked for another job?  Its all the things we do think about and know we would manage somehow but SS like having a plan in place.

12 months leave, if you want pre-school it is preferred that you take 12 months leave.  You would be entitled to 39 weeks at £117/wk SAP pay and child benefit and possibly working tax/child tax credits, not loads but certainly helps.    However, as soon as you have the adoption order it is up to you when you return to work, I made the choice to use some savings and take the 12 months off but I could have gone back after 7 months if I'd needed to.  At matching panel I said I was flexible on returning to work based on DS's needs and best interests which was all they wanted to hear.

OT x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi 

Ot is right about time off ect- i know it may sound mad at the mo however my 2 have been home for nearly a yr (6weeks time) and for us as a family it wasnt suitable for me to go back to work one as i would earn nothing after paying out child care and also for my 2 they NEED me home- my DD is 4 this month and my DS is 2.5yrs old- for me it would be hard to get a job that would work around my children.

My children are very happy children however its took a long time esp for my DD to fully understand that "mummy will come back" and has only been left her nursery (which i took her to weekly sessions before she started) and has only been to her grandparents a few times without us even though she knows them very well and loves them greatly.

I think you need to be "open" to everything as you start out and talk about things more as you go through the process

having gone from no children and 2 wages (mine part time) to 2 children and one wage has changed things for us greatly as i cant just "buy what i want" and i know you know what its like having one child however you dont need the worry of "how we are going to cover this" payment ect

My DH also took 1month off work- 2weeks hols and 2 week paternity as we had 12days of intro;'s (meeting our 2) and then he got just short off 3weeks at home (our intros covered 2 weekends!)

good luck

Mez
xxx


----------



## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi, 
I agree the financial thing is a tough one. We adopted two children nearly 18 months ago and I know we wouldn't have been choosen as parents for them if I hadn't been able to take at least a year off, in fact they were wanting a parent at home for 2 years. As it happens I am now at work again but I work 2 shifts a week from 6pm to 2am and DH is home from work to do bathtime and bedtime with the children, I then get up at 7am to get them ready for school and fit in a nap when my youngest has hers. We rarely leave our two with anyone although my Mum has looked after them for a couple of days when I had some training to do and I have briefly left them with close friends who they know well just for a couple of hours on a couple of occassions. I personally think that adoptive children need a parent at home the majority of the time and we feel that a childminder is a definite no at this stage in their lives, they have had so many moves and carers they need to attach to you and not be at all confused about who is their main carer. Also routine, security and continuity are key components of children settling and being secure and will help no end in reducing behavoural issues IMHO! 

Viva
X


----------



## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

not a whole lot extra to add to what others have said except that our DD has been home over two years now and stll needs an 'at home' parent pretty much full time.  DH might go backto work mornings only next year once she does 5 full mornings a week 8-1 at preschool but she is only there 3 mornings at present and that poses problems when job seeking.

Our VA has always been 'hot' on finances and we had to hand over statements, bills and get proof of salary from payroll etc as well as write homework and reports etc.  So I don't think it is necessarily something new although it was a PITA at the time.
Magenta x


----------

