# Newbie



## Katiehuni (Jan 31, 2011)

Hi everyone!

I'm another newbie to the forum and thought i would drop in and say hi. Having read some of the posts i know i am probably no where near as far on the tests/treatments as some of you. 
Me and my DH have been ttc for 2 years now. I know others have been trying for a lot longer! but i have to say its one of the most heartbreaking and emotional journey's i have ever been on - and we are only at the start!!!
As much as my hubby tries to understand - sometimes i just feel he doesn't. I find it excrediably hard to go to my hospital appointments as they are in the Maternity department and seeing other women coming in with their bumps just tugs at my heart even more. Please dont get me wrong i am so happy for all those who have a wee person growing inside them - but im devastated for myself.
Girls am i being selfish?? self centred ?? as you can tell i am having a bad day!!!! Keep me sane!!!   Katie


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## Sparkleheart (Feb 3, 2010)

hi katie and welcome!

well i dont think youre being selfish at all!!  im sure none of us would!  me and DH have been ttc for 4 years and i agree its the hardest thing we've ever been through.  its unbelievably heartbreaking month after month to be denied the thing your heart yearns for the most.  my younger sister has just had her first baby and while im so happy for her and love my wee niece loads already, every moment i spend with them is tinged with a little sadness that its not me.  dont feel guilty about how u feel, its completely natural.  just as an aside i think theres a new door into the RFC now that means u dont have to walk past all those pregnant women smoking outside maternity!!  that is certainly a sight no-one wants to see, never mind us who have been trying for a baby for ages!  

so where are u in your journey then?  have u had any tests or anything?  you will get lots of support here. everyone here knows what its like to be in your shoes and that is so helpful, to know youre not alone.  

Good luck!
x


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## Jillyhen (Dec 17, 2009)

Welcome Katie

Dont be hard on yourself, i dont think you are being selfish at all.We having been trying since we got married end of 2007. We all get bad days and it does no harm to come on here and rant and rave i found it really helped me esp when my younger sister announced her pg with twins.. It is a emotional rollercoaster and i think my hubby found it hard at 1st as well esp when our best friends announced their pg  i knew by his face but never said anything to me. What stage are you at?

Sparkle

That really annoys me when you see pg people standing outside smoking ( Sorry if i offend anyone) esp 15/16 year olds and thank goodness they have changed the doors to the RFC

Take care

Jillyhen


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## babydreams282 (Oct 14, 2010)

Hi Katie

Please dont feel like your selfish - god knows we have all been there.  Me and DH have been trying two and a half years too, it just gets worse every month.  I feel like god this cant get any harder then when AF arrives again - BAM... all sorts of emotions.  Sometimes i think my DH thinks im losing the plot (which i think i am too...lol  ).  Feel like cracking up sometimes when i hear another person is pregnant or i see another pregnant person - since ive been trying it seems to me like its i all frigging see.  Its worse when someone is pregnant again with your second and im still in the same situation.  The support on here is great, you'll get lots of information that you'll need no matter what stage you are at in your journey, we are here with you all the way!  Your not alone.  

Sparkle and Jillyhen - my first lot of appts i had to go through the Jubliee doors before they moved to the new entrance and thats all i seen pg women smoking - it actally brought a tear to my eye.  My DH had to push me through the door before i ranted at them, i know its none of my business but its hard enough without having to watch that too.

Thanks for the new entrance RFC - it makes it that little bit easier!


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## Katiehuni (Jan 31, 2011)

Thanks girls i really did think i was losing the plot!!! 
I am just having a bad day, in the space of 3 weeks 4 friends have told me they are expecting and im just finding it very hard to see light at the end of the tunnel. Listen to me ranting on!!! Sorry - newbie and i'm already on my soap box!! lol

Sparkle

Well we have all the basic tests  - blood tests, DH has had is SA which came back with a good count. I havent had a AF in over a year on my own - any blood tests they want they have had to give me Provera to bring them on. I had the Hysto - the dye in your tubes xray - which they told me on the day was fine yet my consultant wants it repeated as he thinks there is a slight shadow on my left tube. 
I also have high blood pressure and had to come off medication as we are ttc which shot it up through the roof and until i can get it down a bit Clomid isnt an option for me. So i now go to Reflexology,yoga,meditate - anything i can think of to de-stress and relax!!! which is easier said than done most times!! Any other suggestions will be gratefully welcomed. I swear my DH must dread coming home to be at night as god only knows what state he finds me in!! lol

xxx


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## Sparty (Sep 26, 2009)

Katie I think all the girls on here can totally empathise with the feelings your having, they are normal. As the girls have said its hard to hear of friends and family getting pregnant and having babies with ease while we wait on appointments, save cash and wait....So NO in answer to your question you are not being selfish or self-centred. Infertility is a hard road to walk and the painful reminder every month that nothing has changed can crush even the strongest person and thats what we are all here for.. to pick each other up when times are tough and hopefully help each other keep travelling that horrible road until we achieve our dreams of a family of our own   

Girls RE: the doors at RFC..I spent most of my time attending the RFC through the maternity doors (new doors only opened during final stages of 3rd tx) and similar to yourselves was frustrated and angry at these ladies smoking and being pregnant but I have since thought to myself I don't know what your life is like... I have a lovely DH, home and supportive family  - Do you? It used to be the same when I spotted a pregnant woman - I was jealous but in reality I don't know that she didn't need tx same as me. DH and I were ttc for around 5 years before tx worked and thats a long time to be carrying negative thoughts about strangers, friends and family, on reflection, I don't think it did me any good. I noticed on the other thread Sparkle your did a board to help keep you positive during this tx, this is a wonderful idea rather than focusing on the negatives. So ladies when you see pg women at the maternity doors or anywhere else I want you to picture how you will look when your pregnant instead of focusing on them      .

Lots of      that 2011 will bring you all lovely big pregnancy bumps


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## babydreams282 (Oct 14, 2010)

Hi Sparty

Thanks for the encouraging words of wisdom - your right about strangers, god only knows whats going on in their lives at the minute and everybody has their problems.  We are all going to have good days and bad but lots of PMA is the best way forward - our dreams will come true, someday.  

At least we all have each other to talk to instead of bottling up all these emotions inside.

Heres to 2011 being our year!


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## Katie789 (Dec 12, 2010)

Welcome from one katie to another! You really will find this place a godsend. Ive not been on it long, and while you wouldnt wish what we are going through on anyone, its good to hear from others who know exactly how you are feeling. Theres a poster up in our clinic waiting room and it says something like the next painful thing to giving birth is not being able to give birth. Unless youve been through this you have no idea what it is like so use this site to rant rave, grieve, ask questions and hopefully sometime soon share your good news.

As for the smokin women outside the rfc. One girl who was about to drop asked me for a light when I was walkin past. When I said even if I did have one I wouldnt give it to you she gave me a mouthful. I was fit to be tied. If she wasnt about to give birth id have decked her!!


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## cazza26 (Nov 7, 2010)

It's good to come on this site and know ur not the only one going crazy. 
Can some1 please tell me where the new door is I've just started appointments and have 1st appointment with Prof McClure in Feb, I could of cried the last day walking through the front doors of maternity hosp so if there is another way of going in I will def use it. Has any1 any tips of anywhere that is good to park other than that car park took us an hour the last day to get parked, I had to laugh (this sounds bad) when I seen picture of old woman that drove through front door as that was 1 way to get parked


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## madeinbelfast (Jan 13, 2011)

Welcome honey!  Have you considered acupuncture?  I stopped Pilate's & yoga as soon as I started my injections for IVF #2 & started acupuncture.  Hopefully I'll be able to start everything again in week 14 of BFP but firstly need to get past the 1st scan.

Good luck with your journey, it is an emotional rollercoaster no matter where you are in it.  

I mistakenly thought IVF #1 was going to plan so much that I had a BFP super pregnancy & when I MC, it shocked me.  I never planned to have to do IVF again as I thought my body now knew the drill & would get on with it itself. 

Looking back, I didn't realise that we were on a journey of tx's.

Re: carparking, broadway road is okay & only a clearway in the afternoon.

x


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## confusedcarly (Dec 7, 2009)

cazza we normally park out on the road too and walk in as the car park is just hectic especially if you have an afternoon appointment - its crazy!Plus its much less stressful - and you certainly dont need anymore stress when going in for your appointments


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## Katiehuni (Jan 31, 2011)

Thanks girls i really appreciate you making me feel like i'm not such a horrible person for feeling this way. Sparty your absolutely right - time to have some PMA and i will try to be a bit more positive today. I just have never felt this way before - i'm normally so happy and bubbly and for the past few weeks i feel like i am a different person. At  least i know i can come on here and rant and rave  
MadeinBelfast - i have thought about acupuncture - can you recommend anyone?? Also does it hurt lol


xx


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## babydreams282 (Oct 14, 2010)

Cazza26 - the new entrance is just to the right of the old entrance, if your walking along the zebra crossing from the car park, go right, theres an arrow to RFC - its frosted automatic doors.  The only other option i can give you about parking, if its hectic with traffic.  Park in the Park Centre and walk over - its a good wee walk - but sure its good exercise (along as its not raining...lol).


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## Jillyhen (Dec 17, 2009)

I totally agree that the new entrance is better as you dont to see the pregnant youngsters etc, we just park on the grosvenor road as the carparking in the royal is terrible unless you are in at 730 in the morning.


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