# ethical dilema-getting rid of freezies



## chols007 (May 31, 2012)

we had ivf a year ago and i had my gorgeous boy/girl twins, we also had 2 freezies left. it was a situation i never gave that much thought to beforehand but now its turned into somethigbthat playson my mind constantly. in an ideal world i think we'd just have the twins but i am having such probs with the idea of getting rid of 2embryos. we cant give them away as i had it done abroad and id feel a bit weird about that to be honest. i can see myself having to have a third to relieve some of the guilt but then to be honest it wouldnt make it any better as id still have to get rid of another one. do i have 4kids knowing i ever wanted that amount because i cant bear to get rid of them or just try and make myself believe that they are just a bundle of cells and not two potential children.
any advice or Experiences would help me so please post a reply even if just an opinion, i feel totally unable to make the decision at the mo


----------



## icsi bitsy teeny weeny (Aug 18, 2011)

hi chols,

this is bound to be such a difficult decision,
personally my opionion would be to probably let them fizzle out,i totally understand your frustration not through this experiance but because i have 10 embies in freeze and i know myself i am not going to have 10 children lol...

you went into this rollercoaster wanting a baby,fortunatley you got lucky and had twins, im sure going from having none to two has been a great experiance but probably enough for you to have,

so think for yourself how lucky you are and if you are a happy little family now,its best making a decision soon so u can enjoy what you have with no stress,

best of luck what ever you decide xxxx


----------



## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

hello Chols, only you can decide of course. My view would be taht you should never have a child to "relieve some of the guilt" or have kids that you are "knowing you never wanted", that really wouldn't be fair on them, or you or the twins you already have (as I'm sure you know). You say that you can't give them away as you "had it done abroad and would feel a bit weird about it", which I don't really understand. I could understand you saying that you didn't feel comfortable giving away embryos which if donated would be born and be full genetic brothers or sisters of the twins and that is totally understandable but was unsure why the anxiety was about it having been done abroad (unless its because they couldn't then contact you ?).  

I must admit I thought all of the possibilities through before having treatment as I thought it was best to do so, I haven't been lucky enough to ever get frosties but I know that I had decided that if I was lucky enough to have a baby and there were frosties left if I could I would use them but if I came to a point of not feeling I could have more I would let them go rather than donate them.

It is a very personal choice of course, is it possible to extend the time you keep them if you really feel undecided or do you have to make a decision now? Good luck with whatever you choose and congratulation on the twins


----------



## chols007 (May 31, 2012)

thanks so much for replying, even those 2replies have helped, i also think its a weird way to go into a larger family when i know im not wanting more but i guess i feel like id be getting rid of my twins sisters or brothers and thats what upsets me, they have the potential to be my twins and i love my kids so much. in temrs of having them abroad, its because my twins are mixed race and there is no call for mixed race donated emrbyos in hungary where we had the ivf so the clinic told us. so my options are have them or have them 'destroyed' i hate that terminology too, urghh i just feel awful about the whole thing really. having had the ivf abroad thee was no counselling or anything so didnt even think about freezies as didnt really know the was going to be any


----------



## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

oh chols   , if you think counselling would help now maybe you could contact one of the clinics to speak to someone? Take care


----------



## charlie61 (Mar 5, 2008)

I just wanted to let you know that you arent alone in your situation as we are in a similar place.  We have 4 frosties left but know the likely hood of us going through tx again is very slim.  We are unable to donate them as DH has a genetic condition and the thought of destroying them (something that could possibly be a sibling to our little girl!) is an unbareable thought for me.  DH has suggested donating them for scientific research but again i'm not sure if i'm comfortable with that    I feel that we did everything possible to have our little girl and want to do everything for our little embies too, its all very conflicting emotions!!  I'm hoping as our little girl gets bigger it will get easier and then hopefully we can try again (although i'm pretty sure that is wishful thinking!!!!


----------



## chols007 (May 31, 2012)

hey charlie, glad im not the only one but if it helps i think that the replies yday helped me sort my head out, the longer i keep them the more thinking ill do about it and i dont want to waste my life thinking over it, the other thing is i dont want to have children out of guilt as thats not doing anyone a favour and i would always think of the things we could have done as a family of four.....i had a big family growing up and didnt want to repeat that as felt we missed out on things and always shared attention and i just want to lavish lots of attention on the two we have.....i think i am going to get rid of the final two, i will just have to makeit ok in my mind somehow though im sure i w.l mourn them


----------



## charlie61 (Mar 5, 2008)

I have considered how i will mourn them too and have even debated having a tattoo for each 'could have been baby' something which i never said i would have! That way they will always be with me, although i deffinatly havent come to any decision yet


----------



## beachbaby (Jan 31, 2008)

Hi, My story was a bit different as i had an emergency hysterectomy after my twins were born, i also had 2 embryo's left. i was going to donate them to science as we were not comfortable donating to another couple, however when my letter came the only option was to have them destroyed. This was changed after they were frozen as they found i had a genetic disorder, it was a very sad day. but i have my boys and love them to bits, although i probably would have used mine.
good luck with your choice, at the end of the day they are at that point just cells that may stick.


----------

