# Is it me?



## dillydolly (Mar 11, 2005)

Not sure why I am posting this but it is on my mind!


My friend, a lovely person really thinks she gets the whole IVF thing but I don't think she is anywhere near!


When I had FET she asked me when test day was so I said I wasn't sure as clinic would tell me. I said this as I didn't want anyone to know as if it was a BFN I could get over it before telling anyone. Anyway during 2ww she asked again a couple of times and I said again that clinic would notify me when to test. Anyway she obviously worked out when test day was as she knew when I had had FET done and she texted me that morning to ask if I had tested! I said no, obviously I had and it was a BFN but I wanted a few days to accept it before telling anyone


Anyway she texted me a few days ago to say her SIL had had her baby and that she was feeling really broody and knew how I felt!! Does she really think I can afford emotionally to get broody, if I got broody every time I saw a baby I would be a depressive suicidal wreck! I am not a broody person, I hate the term broody!! I cannot remember what my response was to her , I think I may have even laughed in an aghast way


Is it me am I cold hearted? I don't think I am I think it's just my coping mechanism!!


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## wendycat (Nov 18, 2006)

I don't think you are at all! 

I find myself resenting people for not truly understanding what this is like. Comments like 'are you excited?!' when you're about to start a cycle, perfectly innocent and well meaning of course but I sort of sory of want to say to them 'why would I be excited at the prospect of eight weeks of pain, of handing my body over and having people I don't know getting extremely intimate with me?! Ah, but it will all be worth it in the end... And if it's not? Then what? Eight weeks, £6000 and nothing to show but a full sharps bin. Grrrrr

I have a friend who had an ovarian cyst and they said she may have to have that ovary removed. So she went home and got pregnant straight away in case it affected her fertility. Fair enough and wise thinking. I work with antenatal bloods and nearly fell off my stool when her name came up as she hadn't told me she was pregnant. We'd been trying three or four years then and I thought the reason she hadn't told me was because she may have felt awkward so I rang her, put on my bright happy voice and asked her how she was, if she had any news... And she told me that her and her husband were in the sane boat as us now because they'd been told her fertility might be affected. While she was pregnant. She told me they might not be able to have kids and was upset etc and all the time I knew she was actually pregnant. She didn't know I knew and I wiuldn't be able to say anything to get because of patient confidentiality. But to tell me how hurt she was at the prospect of never having children and to cry down the phone and ask my advice on conceiving, to tell me that we were in the same boat? I still don't know why she said that. I was so hurt and angry I didn't see her for her whole pregnancy and struggled making it up with her afterwards. We're friends again now, though I always have my guard up with her. She dorsn't get it. She has two beautiful children now, one conceived after her ovary had been removed. I can only imagine that what she did was some misguided attempt to give me hope....

Oh dear, turned this into a rant from me!

Sorry!

Wendy
X


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## 1972 (Feb 5, 2011)

Hi dilly dolly

I don't think you are cold hearted, I think you are in self preservation mode. 

I can't be broody either. I'm somehow manage to disassociate myself with babies and bumps! I have some FF friends who are pregnant that strangely I don't feel like it. I think knowing what they've been through and the hope they give, helps. 

But I have a friend with a young son, I have no relationship with him and another friend who's six months preg and I don't even associate her bump with a baby. 

It's not even a conscious thing, I think it's my head, protecting my heart. 

Big hugs and I hope you get your dream . Xxxxxx


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## zph (Mar 22, 2011)

Hi, 

I just wanted to say your not cold hearted, but like others have said your trying to protect yourself.  

I'm in a very similar situation, and have avoided people that seem to concieve naturally at the drop of a hat, or by accident .  My old bf said that after her wedding we could try together and she went to concieve the first month, other events had happened and Shes no longer part of my life. And whilst others say they understand unless they have gone through the heartache of not conceiving natural and failed IVF they don't understand.  Like you I can be happy for friends that have gone though heartache to get their dream but cannot entertain others . 

It doesn't make us nasty, cruel, heartless people but it's about protecting ourselves emotionally and if it means avoiding bumps n people then that's what we will do. 

I truely believe that once we get our dream of being a mom that we will be better parents for the hard journey it's taken us to get there. 

Zx


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## pmc (Nov 15, 2010)

None of you are cold hearted at all, you all seem very patient with others. 

I felt the same, hated going out with friends as all they talked about was their children and moaning about them too also about how much money it costs them to keep the children in clothes, toys etc...... Grrrrrrrrrr, I let it go over my head, until one night, I lost my temper big time. Basically told them to shut up and they dont know how luckly they are. Also said, dont talk to me about financial worries, try spending in the region of £28,000, injecting youself daily, vaginal scans, anesthetics, strangers seeing your private bit, and gor what Nothing to show for it.

Funny enough, there were a few jaws that hit the floor. I got up and walked out. All is well with them now thankfully. But there is only so much you can take. No matter how others try and understand how you are feeling, they never will. Thats why I think these forums are brilliant. You can say what you want, without sounding like a loon.


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## clogs (Feb 26, 2009)

Hi


I don't think you are cold hearted. I think to be honest your friend is just a bit stupid and intrusive!!! Some people just get off on things in other peoples lives and she just sounds like one of those. I am sure she means well but is just a tad dumb. Perhaps wait for the dust to settle and talk it through with her and I am sure she will be mortified. 


Keep your chin up you will get there. Love Cx


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