# Any day now my Husband a grandad for the second time and its killing me



## luckyinluv (May 11, 2008)

Nearly 7 years ago my hubby and I started IVF after 2 years TTC naturally, my tubes both damaged. 
We have spent every penny we have, both worked every hour that god sends and made huge sacrifices. We have not had a holiday in 5 years. 

Three years ago my husbands daughter from a previous marriage got pregnant by a boy she had known a month and then, after a year of saving, on the very day that we visited our IVF clinic to finally start the process for ourselves....she announces they are engaged and she has set a date for 2 months away. IVF gets postponed and our savings go to her wedding - words can't describe my feelings but every dad deserves the right to marry his little girl off. 
In June last year with neither daughter or her husband employed my husbands daughter announces she is pregnant again! 
My worst night mare - I will yet again watch my husband pick up a baby and see his face melt with a look of deep tenderness and love. The last time I watched it I told myself that I would have one of my own by the time I had to do it again....
I have grown more and more desperate as the months have rolled by with still no possibility of even a cycle for me let alone the joy of a positive pregnancy test. 
Today it truely hit me that with only three weeks to the due date I just can't do it again! 
In my head I feel guilty because my husband deserves to be happy and excited and I want him to enjoy the experience.....but more and more I am realising its just more than I can handle. 

I am at the point now of simply calling it all off and separating from my husband. 
It seems all my life I have been able to rise above challenges and with hard work and determination I could reach my goals - now when it really counts I am helpless to do anything except walking away. 
This would give my husband the freedom to enjoy the birth of his grandchildren without worrying about me and it would free me from having to watch it all again and plaster a smile on my face! 
I am so tired of being angry and frustrated and miserable and grieving for what I cannot have. 

I can't voice my feelings to anyone else as no one I know is fertility challenged in fact I have watched 29 babies be born and listened to mums complain - completely normal of course! 
Thank you for reading this...it feels good to finally pour it out
Good luck to you all on your journeys 😙😙😙


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

hi - my heart goes out to you and your sacrifices. It's only natural to feel bad about the situation, it would cause me a lot of angst.
it's typpical that your step daughter has got pregnant so easily at such a young age and twice! i work in health visiting so i know how you're feeling - i'm surrounded by new mums all the time, incuding young ones and also useless ones. I feel so frustrated.
I think youre so generous that you forego your IVF so that you could pay for her wedding! must be so galling.
i'm 45, not in a relationship and desperate to have a child, so going it alone. 
keep strong and don't just give up on your relationship unless you feel you want to, put your own interests first! You've been there for your DH so look after yourself as well.
Deb


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## Lomosso (Jan 6, 2013)

I couldn't have said it better myself so won't try!!

You have every right to feel the way you do, you have sacrificed so much.  You obviously love your husband a great deal so please don't walk away.... can you perhaps talk to him? You might find it is a relief to tell him, and he may be worried about speaking to you about the subject. 

Keep strong and keep writing on this site as there are lots of ladies here to give you support. 

Xx


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## luckyinluv (May 11, 2008)

Thanks for your kind words Deb & Lo,  I knew someone here would understand how I feel at last and I think Deb must be a champion for going through all this alone!!!! I know exactly what you mean about watching bad pets ting too....hubby's daughter has smoked through both pregnancies and faked her finger prick blood tests so the Dr thinks her gestational diabetes is under control!!!!

My hubby is my best friend and I love him very much and that is part of why this hurts so much...in everything else he and I are one we share opinions sense of humour and his strengths r my weaknesses and vise versa. Now finally we have an issue that we simply can't share and I hate that I am robbing him of joys that he deserves. 

I am probably having one of those down days and a good nights sleep and a good cry will see me back to my fighting self again soon - god knows how I will march into that hospital room and take pics for my proud husband and help him happily brag to anyone who sees him and keep my smile in place. 

Someone the other day did say something nice to me.....

She said women r like Tea Bags, you only know how strong she is when she is in hot water. Then she hugged me and said I was a Yorkshire tea bag. 

I think this group must be a whole box of Yorkshire tea bags


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

hey i just want to say ur feelings sound completely normal to me. do try to talk to your dh though. you sound like you are very much in love with him and that in itself is a great source of strenght. much love xxxx


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## Angel10 (Sep 21, 2006)

Lucky - I couldnt read and run, so have to post.
Firstly I think you are incredibly brave to voice your concern, incredibly brave and honest. Being honest with yourself is always a good start to being able to deal with things. You obviously love your husband very much, just read back how much you have put into your marriage, working hard, trying ivf, not cycling to allow him to spend money on his daughter. Wouldnt it be such a shame to walk away now, now when you have fought so damn hard for what you believe in. I can totally understand where you are coming from with the grandchilren, would it be totally unreasonable or impossible for you to not be put through seeing the daughter in hospital, maybe seeing the baby when YOU feel you want to, doing things on your terms. I personally dont think you would be at all selfish by taking a step back. Talk to him if you can, tell him you feel like walking away to leave him to be happy for his daughter, I would put money on him feeling heart broken at that prospect. I hope you dont think I am being to hard, I too have often felt like walking away but I know deep in my heart I would be more lost than I ever thought possible without my hubby, and I am sure you would be too.

Take care of you, put you first, cos you are worth it


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