# my nightmare diary



## niamh32 (Jan 20, 2008)

girl i am so sorry to have to post bad news here after getting a positive result on the 28th jan.
this is what has happened. i was at work on tue 5th feb and suddently felt a gush so i left the students some work and went to the ladies to investigate. .. i was bleeding heavily   
well i ran out of the school (without explaining to anyone!!) and went to drive home and flooded the car in a panic- call dh and he tried to calm me down and told me to come home and he would meet me there. i cried the whole way home and phoned the rvh who told me that i was probably miscarrying and to keep my feet up for a couple of days and test again on the friday (8th). well as you can imagine i got tore into the vino that night!!!
on the fri i did another hpt and it still showed ++ so i phoned the rvh again and they told me that it was probably just the pregnancy hormones in my body but i insisted that i come up for a scan. got dh home from work and we headed to belfast. got to see dr gillian williamson who is so kind , gentle and considerate - not like dr traub!! and she scaned me and it showed that i had miscarried one baby but that i was still pregnant with another!!!! so she told me to go back on the meds and to come for a scan at 7wks which was today- well since then i have been bleeding constantly for the two weeks but still getting a +++hpt so that wait has been worse than the 2ww if poss!!! anyway scan this morning with dr traub confirmed my worst nightmare- i had miscarried the second baby as well. 

i have lost 2 babies in 2 weeks and im totally heartbroken. dr traub more or less said that these things happen and sure at least we still have more frozen embro's but my god the thought of going through this again today is just tooo much.
i hate to post such a rotten mes but i could really do with some cyper hugs from girls that know exactly how im feeling.

talk soon 
niamh


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## ♥sparklequeen♥ (Feb 6, 2007)

*Im so sorry Niamh            *


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

So sorry to hear your news 

Take care of yourselves 

xx


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## Fionab (Aug 30, 2006)

Niamh

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriages.  That must have been so hard to loose both babies.  Don't think too much about where you go from here, just take it one day at a time.  I'll be thinking about you.

Fiona


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## tedette (Jul 13, 2007)

Hi Niamh,

I am so sorry to hear your news.  i can't think of anything to say except that everyone on the board will be thinking about you.

Take it easy and give yourself time to grieve.

Tedette


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## Dizzy one (Feb 8, 2008)

Niamh

Just read your message - I'm so sorry.

Wanted to send you my love and                       

Look after yourself and take it day by day.

xxxx


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## MaryC (Jul 25, 2007)

Hi Niamh,

I'm so sorry to hear your news, PM on it's way to you.      

Mary


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## shoppingqueen (Nov 22, 2007)

Hi Niamh

I'm so so sorry.  Wish there was something I could say to ease how u must be feeling but there's not.  Its a real tragedy & no magic words will help.

I know its easy to say as I'm not in ur shoes but u & DH need time just for u both to grieve & to comfort each other.  Its easy for Doc Traub to mention ur frozen embryos but I would suggest u make no future plans just yet - just take one day at a time until u both feel strong enough to look forward.

I'm so sorry

Thinking of you & sending you lots of love

S

xxx


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## janners1 (Dec 30, 2007)

Niamh,

I'm so sorry to hear this, truly gutted for you.


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## holly01 (Feb 10, 2007)

so sorri niamh and DH


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## Dahlia (Oct 29, 2007)

Oh Niamh-my heart goes out to you       

What a terrible thing to be going through,

thinking of you and DH

Dahlia x


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## Mrs AB (Nov 3, 2007)

Niamh

I'm so very sorry to hear your dreadful news.  You must be completely heartbroken - life can be so cruel sometimes.  Please look after yourself and as the other girls have said, take it one day at a time - you really do need time to grieve this very sad loss.  

Thinking of you.

Anita
xo


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## MISSY97 (Sep 26, 2007)

Niamh so so sorry to hear your news, heartbreaking...........


  Thinking about you!!!

Missy


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## weeza82 (Dec 14, 2007)

Oh Niamh, I was so sorry to read this. You and DH really have been through the mill. It has been a terrible time and I am so so sorry for your loss. 

Thinking of you, 

Weeza


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## CherryWoo (Nov 1, 2007)

I just want to echo what everyone else has said Darlin. I am so sorry for your & DH's loss. There are no words, but know that you are in all of our thoughts & prayers.
Some of these medical professionals can be so cold & matter of fact when our hearts are breaking. Please just take time to grieve your loss & look after yourselves.
Love, Jen


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## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

I am so so sorry Niamh       

My heart goes out to you.
Take care 
Natalie xxxxx


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## Cate1976 (Oct 29, 2007)

and PRAYERS to you and your DH Niamh.  All I can say is take all the time you need to grieve and if you need to   then do so.


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## Trishy (Jan 25, 2008)

Niamh - I am only getting a chance to reply now.  I am so so sorry to hear your news.  Try to stay strong.  My thoughts are with you both


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## skywalker (Aug 8, 2006)

niamh

i am so sorry to hear about your news.  take care of yourself and dh.

   

take care
skywalker


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## niamh32 (Jan 20, 2008)

girls thank you all so much for your kind words.

well after a weekend to come to terms with what has happened i have just ended up really anoyed...not just obviously with my loss but with my treatment in the rvh.

last thursday morning at my appointment the waiting room was full. i know that they are extemely busy and no patient is more important than the other but this is what i experienced.
the nurse called my name and i was showed into the room as normal and told to get ready for my scan (internal) . then walked in roisin the nurse and dr traub. Now i have been getting scans and treatment for over seven years with dr traub and the first thing he says is ' hi im dr traub- have i seen you before!!? now even if he remembered his patients or not it would be nice if he even pretented!! well anyway next thing a seen was roisin getting the scanner ready which i though was unusual as its normally the consultant and flip me the next minute she was probbing me with the scanner!! - now i have absoluteley no problem with roisin or any nurse doing scans but would it not have been manners to explain that she was training to be a midwife/ consultant or whatever!! then as you know they couldnt see the baby so at that stage dr traub grabbed the scanner and turned it a couple of times to make sure- my heart already new what he was going to say but at that stage i was just to devasted - both the nurse and dr traub stood at the bottom of the bed and started to talk to me and i asked them in a state of shock ' can i please just get dressed!!!!'
neither gave me a minute to compose myself and i was lying with that rotten sheet covering my dignity while dr traub turned to my dh and talked to him about a referral appointment in 6/8 wks.

would it have been tooo much to ask that they left the room for 1 minute so that i could get dressed!!! or could they not have explained that the nurse was going to do the scan!!

i know that there is no nice way of getting bad news but i do feel that there 'bed side manner' is a nightmare! not only do we invest all our savings (we have had to pay for ever treatment we have had) we also put our lives on hold for ever appointment/ treatment and i just think after paying that much money that they could have given me one minute!!
btw - roisin is lovely- i have talked to her on many occasion so i dont blame her but can any of you understand how i feel is this just me being petty because i got bad news?

i told dh how i was feeling last night and that perhaps i was going to write a letter of complaint (not in my nature to do anything like this) and he said that if it had been good news that i wouldnt be worrying what way the appointment had went and in a way i know thats true so thats why i need you girls to give me your views. even if by complaining it made the experience a wee bit better for other ladies then it would be worth it.

thank you for taking the time to read this and if anyone has any views i would love to hear from you.

love niamh


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## weeza82 (Dec 14, 2007)

Hi Niamh, 

I was so sorry to hear of this. How awful especially when your heart is already broken   . 

I have heard some stories about Dr Traub and the RFC in general. I haven't been there so I don't really understand i am afraid. It seems as if RFC  has forgotten its patients are people, not just numbers, people with lives and emotions. It must have hurt so much when he asked had he seen you before, especially when you were in not long ago with him   . You would have thought they would have given you a chance to get dressed? Its bad enough to feel so emotional and vulnerable but to be made to feel so vulnerable phyisically as well Too much  

I understand where your DH is coming from about if it had been good news. But it sadly wasn't and Dr Traub's attitude should have reflected that. Does he not get a quick briefing on each patient before he goes in to see them? I understand Dr Traub can be quite clinical and cold, I also understand doctors have endless amounts of patients and are under such pressure, but would a doctor speaking to a cancer patient be so abrupt 

Niamh, my heart goes out to you and your DH. It has been the most unspeakably rotten time for you both and I hope you find comfort in each other and get through it together at your own pace.  

Thinking of you, 

Weeza xx


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## mel28 (Feb 6, 2007)

Hi Niamh,

I really sorry about your news. I don't get on here very often so I'm only getting a chance to reply to you now. Its so unfair that even after all the treatment that thing can end in heart break like this, you'd think that girls like us deserve a happy ending after such a journey. hope you and your DH are getting through it and the pain is beginning to ease a little bit.

About what happened in the royal, its an absolute disgrace and you should definitely complain.

I am a fetal sonographer and on every course i have ever been on and during every bit of training i have ever received, it has been drummed into us the importance of giving patients time to compose themselves and a chance to get dressed to reduce their vulnerability when telling them bad news, so for me that Dr Traub would be passing his own bad manners onto a nurse is unforgivable. personally when I'm scanning i only have a patient uncovered long enough to show her on the screen what I'm looking at then allow her to dress and sit up on a level with me before i talk to her any further as i understand the importance of this simple act.

another thing is that you have to  ask the patients permission to allow a trainee of any kind to undertake an examnation. when other girls are training for their ultrasound exams with us we must always ask is it OK for them to scan the patient and a majority of the time it is so its not like their chances of hands on experience is diminished by obeying the rules. if the patient says no it is absolutely OK and this should have no bearing on the treatment they receive.

this all sound very clinical but I'm just pointing out that you have been treated appallingly and have every right to complain about it.

On his beside manner, i work with one doctor who says to loads of the patients whom he knows has attended the hosp before that "I've met you before haven't I?" and if he has the patients look that chuffed that he remember them! This just shows that something so easy can make a patient feel like they're not just a number! a few other could take a leaf out of his book.

Some of them get so caught up in the disease/illness etc that the forget that there is a patint involved, one of the orthopedic doctors came round the corner to me the other morning and said, i hear there is a pelvis in, not there is a young fellow just admitted with a badly fracture pelvis!! i think it becomes so normal to them that they forget that these things have a tremendous impact on peoples lives!

sorry if i'm rambling but poor patient care really gets on my wick!!

take care of yourself,
Mel, xx


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## MaryC (Jul 25, 2007)

Hi Niamh,

God you have been through the mill in every way, it is terrible that you were made to feel so uncomfortable during an already difficult situation. They should have let you get dressed or at least given the news a chance to sink in.
I think you should make a complaint, if you don't things will never change and who knows if your having tx in the future who's to say you won't be treated with such a lack of respect and consideration again!!

Mary


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## crazykate (Oct 1, 2007)

Oh Niamh I'm sorry for your very sad news    (and I'm soooo sorry I haven't posted before)

My thoughts are with you both. 

I'm with the girls I think you should definitely put in a complaint.........you are going through such a difficult time and the least Dr. Traub could have done would have been to shown you some courtesy.

We are not just on a conveyer belt in a factory - we are people just like him and I think a written complaint to the Chief Executive is perfectly in order.

Thinking of you,

Kate


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## shoppingqueen (Nov 22, 2007)

Hi Niamh

I'm so so sorry that you've had even more heartache on top of ur m/c so recently.  It is totally unacceptable to be treated inn such as cold calculating way esp when they had to deliver bad news to you.  Unforgiveable.

I have issues too with the "rush" you out mentality when ur half naked & they won't leave u 2 secs to get dressed so most times I wear a skirt as I always felt so vulnerable b4.
U defo aren't being overly sensitive re getting dressed - its a bit of courtesy surely?

If I were you I would complain as if you don't this will eat away at you & it won't help you to heal after ur devastating loss.  U may have more tx there & you certainly will want to ensure that the same thing happens again.

Thinking of u & hoping you feel a wee bit better soon

Take care

Sharon
xxx


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