# Am I a complete cow??/



## Chedza (Jun 14, 2008)

Hi Ladies
Sat here this morning with my lovely 5 month old daughter and I know that I am so lucky to have her. Thing is yesterday I heard that someone at work was expecting . She is 35 and knew about my issues and very sensitively said to me ... "well when I start trying I will probABly conceive within a month " ...yeah thanks for that !!! NOT .Well it only took her 6 months and i didnt understand why it hurt so much ..... it just makes me feel abnormal or upset that I had to go through so much to have my daughter and other people seem to have things  easy. 
I know that sounds really horrible. I  would nearly love to have another one and know that realisitically being 37 and not very rich our  chances are minimal . I just feel sad that life is unfair but then I feel bad for feeling sorry for myself especially when I have my daughter. Are these feelings normal  I would like to give TX another go but am I insane for getting on the rollercoaster again ?? 
Chedza


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## zoooooommmmm (Aug 5, 2009)

No you're not a complete cow. Well if you are I am too because I often feel the same. Can't really advise on wheteht to go for tretmant again other than say if you really feel you want to try, perhaps you should . What does DH think?


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## Chedza (Jun 14, 2008)

Hi
Thanks for making me feel normal. DH wants to but not sure I wanna put myself through all the heartache..... if only you were guaranteed a BFP hey ?? rather than £4,500 potentially down the loo.!!
C xx


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## professor waffle (Apr 23, 2005)

Nope I'd say you were normal! A friend of mien recently had No 2 after trying for 'ages', first one took about a year which she thought was a long time but this one took 18 months or so. It didn't help when she said 'oh well when you waited for them for so long.....' on Fri to me


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## Truffle80 (Nov 17, 2008)

I am a very lucky mum of 6 month old twins and still get that awful "pang" when someone tells me their pregnant.  Its bizarre because why should I be envious anymore but it seems like its happened so easily for them and yet has been the most traumatic and financially devastating journey of my life.

I think its normal and one of the things that maybe never goes away if you have suffered IF.  Anyway, your not alone hun, and if you are a cow then so am I


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

Hi, 
I feel exactly the same, i hate myself at times for feeling the way i do, unfortunately i think its because i dont personally know anyone that has had trouble conceiving so i often feel like a failure.  We are now starting the journey again.....god i must be mad!! x


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## Dilee-99 (Oct 7, 2008)

I dont think you are a cow and your feelings are natural however these people do noy feel/understand the hardship some of us (some maybe more than others) have had to experience. IVF/trying/medications/time are all words to these people but if it resulted in a baby that tends to be all that sticks with them. Many of my dp's family and our friends who know about our fertility problems ask us all the time 'whens number 2 then?' as if we can magic a sibling whenever we fancy!!!! It too upsets me but I ust remind myself that they dont truly understand what we went through to get ds. The other thing is that I certanly always thought that hwen we wanted babies we would stop using contraception and that would be that!! If it had taken us 6 months for a natural bfp I probably would have felt hard done by because I would know no different...... so for us hardship of ttc is something very different to each individual depending on not only treatment and time but desire and our our circumstances/family/relationships where as to sally down the road it can be the fact that it took them a year to get utd naturally.

Rationalising peoples comments like this is what stops me shouting obscenities at peoples lack of sensitivity!
dilly


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## Truffle80 (Nov 17, 2008)

I've been thinking about this since the thread started and the conclusion I have come to is that no matter how many miracle children we manage to create via assisted conception of some form or other we are still "infertile" and unable to have them naturally and easily if we choose to do so. I think thats maybe why other people getting pg so easily is hard to deal with even after we have been blessed with children -  no matter how irrational that may seem to others.

Kxxx


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

I agree with you, i honestly think that if my husband didnt have fertility issues that i wouldnt even be thinking of having another child yet.  Before we started to try for a family i wasnt the least bit bothered when i heard of friends or family having babies, i was just happy for them and never gave it a second thought......now when i hear of a pregnancy i go in a sulk for a month and behave like a complete phsyco!!


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## Chedza (Jun 14, 2008)

Truffle 
I think your wise words sum it up - yes, despite us having babies we R still infertile and cannot have then naturally. 
I have decided I am gonna have another go and see what happens .........
Sat in my Sure Start group this week with people talking about number two - was a bit un comfortable (they all know I have had IVF... ) but like you say I dont think it clicked how it makes me feel , the normal conversations about trying etc.
....
is good to know that people feel the same feelings ..... rubbish isnt it ??
Cxx


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## Truffle80 (Nov 17, 2008)

Best of luck for another BFP Chedza


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## mammamia12 (Feb 1, 2010)

Hi Chedza,

I know exactly how you feel cos I'm feel the same.   

I have a DS who has just turned 4 and it took a long time and 4 cycles to have him.  When he was born I felt complete and reverted back to 'normal' where I wasn't bothered about anyone else having babies cos I had my own.  After a couple of years we started thinkng about another cycle, but due to the cost egg-share was the only option.  It took about a year to decide to go ahead and in the meantime friends, and family continued with there second or more likely THIRD child.....unfortunately egg-share was unsuccesful, (by whcih time my son was 4).  We did get some frosties from that cycle though and had nat fet in Feb, we got a bfp and told my son he was going to be a big brother and that mummy had a baby in her tummy  - he was DESPERATE for a brother for at least a year due to being a bit older and realising that he was different from ALL of his peers by having no brothers or sisters.  He was very happy as you can imagine.  Unfortunately it turned out to be a chem pregnancy and we were all distraught.  From thinking about egg-share nearly two years ago I get green when I see a pregnant woman, especially if she has a small toddler with her - it reminds me of what my son is missing. I'm due to have FET next week with some embies we saved from when we got our son, but they were frozen early and are only 2 cell so don't think they stand a great chance - thats why we didn't think of using them at the time egg-share was discussed....anyway, we live in hope and things might work out ok.  I pray it does and I will feel complete cos when you step on the rollercoaster of ivf, for me there isn't any way to get off untill your getting wheeled out of the delivery suite with a healthy baby in your arms....

There is just so many reminders of my 'inabilities'.  It's actually made me hate myself and feel ashamed for a large majority of my life. I even considered councilling as I cannot get over the fact that I put myself and husband through this lifetime of torture.  Now we have a ds he's also being punished for my promiscuity ( I got Chlamydia and had it for years without knowing, hence the totally knackered tubes and a lifetime of regret) I would do anything to turn back the clock.....

Sorry, that totally turned into a 'I HATE ME' session but that kinda sums up how i feel about myself when it comes to facing the reality of what I've done. 

So, no, you are not a complete cow, lots of us live with the same feelings and it's completely natural.  Why shouldn't we have the right to complain, look at the sh*t we go though?!

  to all!

Mamma


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## tholeon (Jun 25, 2007)

Hi

Just wanted to say that you shouldn't beat yourself up Mama12 - it was really not your fault, just bad luck. So many people would have done the same thing and not faced the same consequences.

I've got a lovely one year old and feel so lucky to have him, but still feel that IF is the hardest thing that has happened to me. 

If I'd had a child when first planned to ( 6 or 7 years ago) I'd have had at least two and maybe three by now. As it is I'm unsure as to whether he will ever have a sibling. I'm going to have to wean him off b/fing soon athough he is very attached to it, to have FET. I wonder whether I'm more overprotective of him than I would be if he hadn't taken so long to come along. He was very ill at one point, which didn't help. Still, I'll never take him for granted and I do feel graeful all the time for him, which is I guess to the silver lining.

babydust to everyone

x


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