# For those who've adopted tiddlers/toddlers



## Lady Lucy (Sep 28, 2005)

I still lurk on here most of the time without posting but have been thinking about this alot lately.
When did you (or when do you plan to) tell your children they're adopted?  I know about the nutmeg books etc but not sure whether to just have them around and hope the theme sparks a conversation or if the subject needs to be introduced at the same time as the books.  Would really appreciate hearing other peoples experiences on this one and what their plans are.
Thanks
Cath


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Cath
Our first DD was 19mths when she came home, and I more-or-less started talking about her beginnings right from the start. Really it was my chicken way of doing it! I thought back then that if I waited until she could talk and ask questions I'd probably never get round to bringing the subject up. And now she's almost 5 and talks and asks questions non-stop   I know full well that I would never have started that conversation now.

So, back then when she was diddy, I'd talk to her about the fact that when she was a baby she was in  her birthmum's tummy and then she went to live with XXX (fostercarer) and then a nice lady helped mummy and daddy to find her for us. And I'd quite often at that stage say to her "we adopted you" and so the word adoption just became a normal everyday word. She didn't take any notice of me really when I talked about things. As she's grown up, she'll occasionly ask the odd thing, I answer her query and then she goes back to playing again. There's never any big sit down moments (so far anyway), it's all very matter of fact, and she'll happily talk about her fostercarers and the fact that she's adopted. To her it's the norm.
Infact her friend at nursery is expecting a baby sibling, and she automatically assumes that the baby will go to live with another family. But to her, that's how things happen. I guess the recent arrival of her own baby sister has just blown up again the whole subject of adoption.

So far (at the age of 4 1/2) it's not a big deal at all.


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Cath

We are live Ever, our DS came to live with us at 14 months and is now 4 1/2.  We don't have discussions about it but it is just dropped into the conversation casually.  We use phrases like when "Mummy and Daddy adopted you", "When you were living with X and X (the FC's).  "You brought that with you when you came to live with us".  That sort of thing.  He occasionally sees photos of his BP's and if he asks we say that's your BM or that's your BF but we don't discuss them generally.  So far he hasn't asked any questions as he is still young but we will answer any truthfully.  We also have some story books on adoption that we read from time to time.

A funny thing recently happened.  My work colleague just had a baby a few weeks ago and DS asked me if she went to the Court to get the baby   

Cindy


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

I know I don't really belong here, but I had to share a story from when I was a student.  I was chatting to one of the other students who happened to be Austrailian about siblings and early memories and things, and she said her first memory was going to fetch her baby sister home ... from the airport!  Her sister is adopted - originally Vietnamese, and the child of 'boat people' who didn't make it.  Again to my friend that was just totally normal and 'where babies come from' until she was much much older!

Jx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Interesting post and one I'll be watching for replies!

Our DS is 27months and moved in last weekend   He is still looking at our family book daily and we are talking to him about the people he will meet.  He has asked where FC is a few times and we just say she is at her house and will visit us in a couple of weeks but that he now lives here with us.  He has called us Mummy and Daddy from the start and FC did a good job at preparing him for meeting us.

We are planning to just continue to talk about things with him in a relaxed way so that it is just normal to him to talk about things.  We also have other family who are adopted so he won't be the only one within our network.

Love
OT x


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Hi All

I just wanted to share something that a few social workers have told us works very well for toddlers and we hope to do with our LO.

It's a chance to play but also raises their background too and is chance to talk about it at an appropriate level.  

Anyway it was called a road map, where you have a looooong sheet of paper (probably a roll of wallpaper is best) and cut and stick various pictures to (mummy cutting of course   ) start at the top and the very beginning of their lives and work forwards.
So you could maybe start by finding a picture of a hospital and as you're cutting and they're sticking you could say how they were born in blah blah hospital, then the next picture would be of a house where they went to live with Arthur and Martha, then the next picture of maybe your house and so on and so on.  

The sw's only used a normal narrow piece of paper but I think using a roll of wall paper is very long and gives you chance to keep adding to their story, ie starting school, riding a bike, learning to swim etc etc and in time their journey with you will far out number the beginning of their lives  

Best of Luck


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi

We too have always spoken to poohbear from the start (9months when placed) he knows he lived with aunty X (FC) who we have regular contact with and i tell him about how we met him and that he did not come out of mummys tummy but out of x tummy and show him pictures of x (BM). It has also help with pinky coming along as he know she lived with aunty XX (FC). He starts school in sept so it will be intersting to see how things change.

PBMx


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