# Counselling, when to quit...



## Selby88 (Mar 24, 2014)

I had my first counselling session last week. I came out feeling awful and emotionally drained for days, but not sure if it's because it's the first time I opened up so much stuff to anyone but my DH? I had 'homework' too which was really distressing, and now I'm not sure how many sessions I will need before I feel any benefit? I am a practical person and not sure I'm getting the kind of help I need. I like to have practical tasks and solutions to work at, rather than trying to 'find peace' and just talk it out.. Maybe it's my counsellor? 

In anyone's experience is this normal, and should I try another session. Does it get worse before it gets better??

Thanks x


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## smallbutmighty (Aug 5, 2013)

Hmm, have to say I'm quite cynical on the counselling front. I did it to see what it was like (for IVF) because I was quite down, and she observed that I was very angry, listened to me swear a lot, and that was about it. I did feel better, (not least because my husband tells me off for swearing so much and it was a pleasure to turn the air blue). But I'd be lying if I said I got that much out of it, other than a sense of validation that it was okay to be angry.

I'm sure it is great for some people (and I do have friends who have hugely benefitted), but if you're practical, as am I, I find smashing the hell out of a tennis ball does more for the tension, tbh. I'd give it one more go and just tell him/her you felt crap, then it is on them to find a way to make it useful to you.


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi I had counselling for 10 weeks a few weeks ago. When I first started counselling at the end of the session I felt drained, upset and miserable and questioned if this was right for me but I decided to stick it out and see how I felt. I think with me I've never told people how I felt and bottled everything up so everything spilled out to my counsellor and it was so draining it actually made me feel worse at first but as time went on the more sessions I had we spoke about different things too and I found so much out about myself. Fertility made me a different person and I felt like I finally got back to been the old me. We chatted, I cried etc and as time went on I felt so good when I left my counsellor. I used to say something to her and she'd find a scenario and gave me tips to help me cope with things. Obviously counselling isn't for everyone and it does depend on your counsellor if you feel comfortable with the counsellor etc. It will all come together. I also thought many off times this isn'tworking I still feel like rubbish and to be honest there is going to be days where you still feel rubbish but if your counsellor gives you coping strategies this should help you through. Any questions do feel free to ask II'll be happy to help hope it all goes well x


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## Bumble Bus (Apr 23, 2013)

Selby, just thought I would add my perspective too.  I would say one session isn't enough to be able to tell if you are going to get benefit and I would give it a few more.  They inevitably need to spend the first session or two learning about your history and what you are like and probably judging how to deal with you best.  I've had about 10 weekly sessions so far with a BICA counsellor and she is great.  I don't know if you're seeing a BICA/infertility specialist but I previously saw a non-infertility counsellor who tried their best but just didn't understand the issues as well.

My current counsellor does sometimes use the last 10 mins or so of our session to do a bit of practical help for me, or we will talk about how I am going to deal with an issue that I have coming up like seeing a new baby or something.  It sounds like you might find something like this helpful and you could ask her to structure your sessions in this way.

Personally, I find the questions that she asks me really make me think about how I am feeling and the act of articulating it to somebody really helps me to 'organise' and understand my thoughts and feelings better.

I don't think that counselling is a quick fix and it requires a time investment to get real benefit.  Give your person 3 or 4 sessions at least I would say before writing it off but also she might just not be for you and maybe you would work better with a different person or maybe it's just not for you.  Good luck. x


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## Selby88 (Mar 24, 2014)

Thanks all for your replies. Sorry for the delay in responding too, have been having a few weeks trying to ignore all things 'fertility'!! Always comes back to haunt me though...

I'm booking another session when we can find a free slot, so I'll give he another go. I found my 'homework' really did nothing for me so hopefully if I tell her the truth she can find support that is more relevant to the way I respond. 

thanks again...xx


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## bailey434 (Jan 23, 2014)

I would also say to stick with it for a bit longer. The first session is generally very draining, especially if you've not had any counselling before, but hopefully you will get benefit out of it, even if it's not obvious to start with. I had counselling following a particularly nasty relationship breakdown and couldn't see the point for ages, but kept going, and then one day I realised that it had actually really helped, I just couldn't see it at the time as I was so caught up in the situation.

I've had a few sessions prior and post IVF and generally feel calmer afterwards like I am justified to feel a range of emotions without someone judging me for it. Not sure if that makes sense but hope it does?

Definitely feed back to the counsellor about the homework and see if they can explain why they wanted you to do it. Not every method works for every person. My counsellor (for the bad relationship) wanted me to do role-play and pretend they were the bad person so that I could tell them what I thought of them....as soon as she said it I literally cringed and withdrew and said 'no way, that's not me and WAY out of my comfort zone' and she took that on board and used a different method of working with me that suited me better.

Good luck anyway with it all, hope you do get something out of it soon
x


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