# Potential match apprehensive and scared!



## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi 

Our s/w rang yesterday with a potential match, apparantly the childs s/w is very interested in us.

We met today with our s/w and have been given the report on the childs details etc etc, on paper looks positive and we will be letting her know tomorrow that we would like to proceed to the next stage, she also told us that we are the only ones in the running and other potentials have been disregarded.

I am really trying not to get too excited as am so scared this will come to nothing I have read posts on here and on other sites whereby things fall through at the last stage and I dont think I could bear it, my dh is equally nervous but more grounded than me.

Our s/w also more or less told us that we will have to 'win' the childs s/w over and it will have to feel right from her point of view so am now scared we will say the wrong thing or not say enough.

I dont know what I am asking here really other than does this feel like something could happen or should I calm down a bit, it doesnt help when you are given the childs name I feel like I am bonding already.

Many thanks for any reassurance and advice.


dawn


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

wow dawn 

just wanted to say  and I really hope this is a good match for you 

I guess all you can do is be yourselves with the child's sw and she will see what lovely people you are 

loads of  for this

suzie xx


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi suzie,

Thanks for that I really appreciated your kind words.

And yes you are right all we can be is ourselves and be honest with our answers.

Dawn

xx


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## sanita (Oct 27, 2005)

We were in the same situation as you.  It is so nerve racking, but the best thing to do is relax and let them see how you really are.  We prepared a list of questions and also thought about why we thought we were a good match for our children.  We were told afterwards that the childrens Sw was really impressed by the amount of thought we had given and the genuine interest we had in the children as little people.

Best of luck.  Look forward to hearing how it goes.

Sanita


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

sanita - remembered you'd asked the question before and i just hunted and found this..hope you dont mind me posting it

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=86059.0

good luck for the visit dawny, it is hard not to start bonding, after all you're only human

kj x


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## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

Good Luck! We know the feeling! We had a matching meeting on my birthday and the match is going to panel October 11th. 

That's all I wanted to say - just good luck!


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Just wanted to say good luck Dawn, what exciting news!! 

Shivster good luck for matching panel on the 11th!

love
Andrea
xx


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Thanks all

Good luck shivster for matching panel u must be really excited and nervous at the same time.

The childs s/w is coming out next wed hopefully but we have been told today that even if we are the successfull couple matching panel wont be until january due to not wanting to place the child before xmas and all panel dates are booked up. I could understand this for an older child but this one is only 10 months old or am I missing something here?

Anyway we will see she also wants to read another form f so it might all over by next week

Dawn


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Dawn

I have to agree with you about the madness of not moving your baby before Christmas. 

I can definitely understand it about an older child, our DS was 3 years 6 months old when we found out about him in the Oct/Nov time and they didn't want to move him before Christmas, I can understand that but a baby of 10 months who will be getting older as the days go by and you may possibly miss her birthday?? 
(Am I right in thinking the baby is a girl??)

If the reasons they are giving is because of panel dates etc then apart from moaning to your SW and suggesting your put down for a cancelleation spot if there is such a thing then I don't know what else to suggest but you may want to get intouch with Barbarella as she had similar problems when matched to her DD & how things worked out she was placed with them before Christmas .

Love
Andrea
xx


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi Andrea

Thanks for your reply and yes she is a girl.

I could mention to my social worker but unfortunately we are dealing with a different LA than ours, and when my s/w told me today about the xmas issue she was puzzled also.

she also mentioned that b/p's will also continue to have contact right upto matching panel again I dont know if this is usual or not, it almost seems like options are been kept open and something doesnt feel right.

Anyway I have been out for a long run with my running club tonight which has helped clear my head and now going to have a large glass of wine which also helps !!

I would just like to thank everyone on this site for their advice and kind words it has been a lifeline for me and very reassuring at times when I have felt down, I hope I will be able to put something back in from time to time

love to you all

Dawn

xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Dawn hope the run and glass of wine worked!

YES BPS still have contact right up to the last moment if that makes sense!  Our DD had her last contact with BPS the day before we met her, it was their good bye visit.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

i'm not sure about the contact thing..i do know there is a goodbye visit offered to parents and grandparents. 
one thing we hadnt previously been aware of was that, under the new laws when you submit your papers to go to court, the BP's are also sent papers and it is their last chance to 'appeal' or put up a fight for their child. most make a lot of noise but hardly any do anything. it feels like a weird kind of system that can 'invite' this sort of disruption when the child has already settled within their new family but it was explain to us that its good for the child later to knw that BM/BD fought for them and didnt give up without a fight

kj x


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Dawn

We were matched with our girls in the October and both of them moved in before the Xmas, the youngest came only 3 weeks before Xmas

Good luck for matching panel and hope they decide a date as soon as possible for you

Karen x


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