# Children not suitable for adoption.



## sanita

Most of you know that Princess and Smiling Boy, our 6 & 7 year olds were placed with us in July.  Many of you also know that things have not been easy for a variety of reasons over the last 3 months.

We have our second placement review next week and the childrens thoughts and feelings were sought by their SW to obtain thier views ready for the review meeting.  The children have also voiced views to us over the last couple of weeks which have now lead to the childrens SW and to our SW suggesting that our children should never have been put forward for adoption and would have been better suited to being long term fostered.

No one has said that this is a definitely what will happen at this stage, more of a feeling between those involved.

DH and I are gutted about this.  Although we can see the sense behind this and understand the reasons for their thinking like this, if I was an outsider looking in I would probably also conclude that LTF was a more suitable option for the kids.

The level of direct contact that the children want with BF is one reason behind this.  Secondly, the children do not want to take our surname.  Thirdly, the childrens 4 much older siblings were all LTF and are gradually drifting back to BF as they reach 14/15 and can care for themselves to a certain degree.  Our two have been told by BF that they will be able to do this too and this is (at this stage) what they want.

DH and I are left reeling by this.  Our SW has gone away to consult her line manager as she doesn't really know what will / should happen next, but she does agree that the whole thing is a mess.

DH and I don't want to give up on the kids, but neither did we go into this to be long term foster carers.  We are hoping that SS will find someone who can help prepare the children for adoption and explain to them why they can't live with BF.  We hope that with time they may come around to the idea of being adopted.

Feeling very disillusioned tonight and looking forward to settling the kids in bed in the next half an hour so DH and I can have a glass of wine and talk about all this.

Sanita


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## Viva

Hi Sanita,
I don't really know what to say, but I feel for you so much for you and as your SW say's it sounds like a bit of a mess. Sending you  .
Viva
XXX


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## LB

Hi Sanita

I am so sorry that this is happening to you and dh and of course the children too.

LB
X


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## superal

Sanita _ i really don't know what to say but you know there are people on here who care about what happens to you & your family.

The one thing that stands out from your message is that you don't want to give up on your children and I think that is great, I wish there was more I could say.

thinking of you at this difficult time.

love
Andrea
xx


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## jilldill

Oh Sanita, I am so sorry you and DH are going through all this, I am not surprised you are reeling. I don't have any advice just really want to send all my best wishes.
Love JD x


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## Pooh bears mummy

Sanita,

All I can do is send you a big cyber hug {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} and say we are all here for you, I can't give you any word of wisdom but just want you to know we are always here for a chat.xx

PBMx


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## keemjay

oh goodness me sanita, you must be so confused  what a mess..aaargh SS do make me want to scream sometimes  well alot of the time actually!
i guess you just need some time to get your heads round this before any big decisions are made..i do hope your sw is supporting you...
do the children attend the review meeting next week? just wondering as obviously there will be considerable time spent discussing this and i cant imagine it would do them much good to listen to it all 
great big squishy ((HUGS))) coming your way. i dont know what else to say 

kj x


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## Barbarella

Oh no Sanita, I am so sad to read this.  What an awful thing to happen.  Like Andrea says, we all do care what happens to you and your family.  I wish for the best outcome for you all.. 

Lots of love, Carole xx


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## Ruthiebabe

Hi Sanita,

so sorry to hear your news....hope it all works out for the best for everyone!

xxruthie


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## ♥ M J ♥

Santia and DH

I am so sorry to hear that you are all havign to go through this, like the others have said we are all here for you both and anytime you need us please feel free to post (or PM if you feel easier about it)

hugs

Mez
xxx


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## Old Timer

Sanita & DH
I am so sorry to read your post, I really can't imagine how you must be feeling right now.  I know you have had a lot of difficult times since the children were placed but I am shocked that SS have allowed it to be like this, whoever did the prep with the children before hand needs some training amongst other things!  

Its good to hear you don't want to give up on them and I hope things get sorted in the best interest of everyone involved.

Loads of ((((((((HUGS)))))))))
Love
OT x


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## cindyp

Sanita, I've only just seen this.

I'm so sorry to read what has been going on, it sounds like SS have really messed up here.  You have done your best for these children and for this to happen must feel like a kick in the gut.  I hope you can get some resolution.

As everyone else has said we are here for you.   

Cindy


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## sanita

Thank you all for your wonderful support as always.  DH is not working this weekend so we have been doing a lot of talking.  We are unsure about many aspects of what is going on but the one thing we are sure of is that we do not want to give up on these kids.  We have told the kids over the last few months that we are their forever mummy and daddy and we do not want to let them down.

We have our next review meeting on Friday so DH and I need to further clarify what we want from them (SS) and I think it's time for some tough (but polite of course  ) talking.  They have let the children down badly by not adequately preparing them for adoption and this has caused us as a family a very difficult last few months.  We have spoken to the children in simple terms this weekend and tried to suss out their feelings and we don't think we have a lost cause on our hands.  Time, patience and some professional input from someone who understands the issues will hopefully smooth the way forward.

I'll let you all know how the review meeting goes at the end of the week.

Sanita xx


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## superal

Sanita - I hope the review meeting goes well and you get the help and support you and your family need.

It is such a wonderful and heart warming feeling to read your message and to read you say your not giving up on YOUR children......so many people could/would have and I admire you for that.

parenting isn't easy but you have made such a difference to these two children's life's they do not need any more upset so I really hope you do get the help your family needs and if the worse comes to worse, which I hope it doesn't, you know you & your DH have done everything you could for these 2 children and you should hold your head up proud and say yes I did, I fought to keep my family together.

I'm hoping all will be fine & you know you have support form us all on here and thankyou for keeping us informed at what is a difficult time for you all.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Old Timer

Sanita
I hope you manage to get the help your children need and can look forward to a happier future as a family.
Love
OT x


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## Laine

Sanita & dh

Have only just seen your news and can only hope that everything works out for you all as a family.

Hope the review goes well for you.

Laine xx


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## saphy75

sanita & DH i haven't replied to this before now as i just don't know what to say hun, i also hope and pray everything works out for you all 

pam xx


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## naoise

Sanita, DH and family. I am soo sorry to hear that this has happened to you all and can't believe that ss has let this all happen. Good for you both for sticking together at this really difficult time and hope that you all get some answers and help from tomorrow's review.

Love K


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## cindyp

Hope the review goes well tomorrow.

love
Cindy


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## Damelottie

I wish you all the best Sanita, for tomorrow and what happens afterwards.

During the introductions for my adoption, it became clear to me I would have been a foster carer really - in little ones eyes - and she undoubtedly would have rushed home to BF including siblings, as soon as she could. It was heartbreaking even at that early stage. SS got it so terribly terribly wrong.

I hope it all workd out well for you and your family.

Love

Emma xx


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## sanita

Thank you all for your thoughts and good wishes. 

SS have agreed to fund some proper adoption preparation work with the children and further life story work.  Despite a bit of pressure from the reviewing officer we have made it clear that we won't be legalising the adoption until the children are ready, both our SW and the childrens SW were gobsmacked that the reviewing officer was even suggesting it.  The whole issue of contact has been put on the back burner until the additional work is completed with the children and we can see how that progresses things.  Long term fostering was discussed, but everyone is committed to getting the children to a stage where they are adoptable if at all possible.  LTF is still a possibility, but only if all else fails.  Our next review won't be for another 6 months and by then we should have a better idea of whether adoption is a viable proposition.  

Feeling very drained after the meeting and didn't sleep well last night as I was worrying about today.  I could have done with the children being sweetness and light this afternoon, but Princess is in one of her moods and being very controlling and manipulative.  One little girl I know is going to be having an early night.  One big girl I know is going to be having pizza and wine in front of the TV tonight.

Have a super weekend everyone and thanks again for your support.

Sanita


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## Damelottie

Hello Sunita

I was wondering today how you were getting on. I'm really really pleased you got the funding the prep work. Thats great news indeed  .

Enjoy that wine and pizza

xx


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## Old Timer

Hi Sanita
So pleased they are coming up with the funding and the prep for your children, I really hope everything works out well for you all.  
Enjoy your pizza and wine.
Love
OT x


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Hun,

Glad things are progressing. Enjoy wine and Pizza.

PBMx


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## jilldill

All the best from me too,
take care love JD x


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## Ruthiebabe

Hi Sanita,

glad to hear the meeting went the way you wanted it to. Hope you enjoyed the wine and oiza....you certainly deserved it!

xxruthie


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## Laine

Sanita,

Glad to hear you are going to get the help you need for your family 

Look after yourselves.

Laine xx


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## Suzie

Have just seen this and didnt want to run and not post but am starting work in 2 mins so will type fast  

ditto what the others have said. I can not believe that they haven't prepared the children for adoption! If they are having regular contact with BF then they really should have thought through whether LTF or adoption was the right route to go down.
I have a little one with me at the moment who I am now attending regular meetings with sw and affu to discuss the best outcome either LFT or adoption so know it is not easy 

If you want a chat or to know anything about LFT or anything else then please feel free to email me. 

big hugs

xx


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## Cheshire Cheese

Sanita,

Just wanted to send my regards and hope that everything works out well for you.

Sorry to hear you have been having a tough time of it

Regards Jon


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## superal

Sanita

Glad to read you and your family are getting the help you need, stay strong you are doing a fantastic job of bringing something stable into these children's life's, you might feel that your not getting anything back in return but the time will come, just keep doing what you have been doing...........being a good Mum! 

Love
Andrea
xx


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## cindyp

I can only echo what all the others have said, glad to read you are getting the funding and support you need.

Keep up the good work.

love
Cindy


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