# What to do with our frosties?



## country girl (Jun 18, 2004)

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to gather some opinions on what to do with our frosties. I guess our options are (in no particular order)

1 Donate to another couple
2 Donate to research
3 Have some or all put back (allowing others to perish if only have 1 put back)
4 Allow all to perish

I have my ideas on what I want to do but I am interested in what others think from a religious point of view. We are Christians. I wont be offended in any way if any one has strong views (in particular I guess on letting them perish). I realise I might get some challenging replies.

Are they life yet do you think? What about the embies that are allowed to perish following a fresh cycle as they arent good enough for freezing.

Love Country Girl


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## caz nox (Mar 9, 2005)

How many do you have?


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## guava (Apr 17, 2007)

I don't mean to offend, (warning: some strong views expressed).

I guess I'm a bit ticked off at clinics that create too many embryos, semingly farming children & then abandoning them, or 'letting them perish' as they put it.

I'm undecided on religion, I can't say I am or am not religious.

But I do believe in the facts, which is that the child exists the moment fertilisation has happened & we should have respect for their life. They are a human being before they are a son/daughter & should be treated accordingly. Just because embryo aren't as advanced as us physically/they may not feel pain & their body isn't as capable of communication, this doesn't justify abandoning or killing them. As you can see, I believe we are who we are from fertilisation & all that changes is how we can adapt & communicate that. 

It's a difficult one though because even if you do donate them to another couple, there's no guarantee they won't be left to 'perish' anyway. If you can only have one put back & the others are left to perish, surely that could be the case with someone else you donated them too then.

Sorry I have a problem with the whole research thing, despite what researchers say it's not vital to kill embryos (children) to find cures etc, though it is likely a lot cheaper to. Humans aren't born selfless, in fact many never achive that at all, so it's not as if 'making use of them for the greater good' is what the child would want.

If you have one put back, it should still be possible to donate the others to another woman or couple at the same time, shouldn't it? I'm sure there are lots of women lined up ready to come in & receive them, or do the clinics just want to seem to justify the high prices they charge, by doing everything the long drawn out way.

Though how do you feel about donating them, would you see a responsibility to them/still have interest in them?

'Embryos not good enough for freezing' can I remind you that these phrases are phrases from the same clinics that don't mind 'aborting' healthy children right up to birth. Please don't take your ethics from them, they are only interested in doing their job, it being that most jobs revolve around the economy, enough said!

After all said & done though you will do what you want to.

So wishing you lots of luck & best wishes.

x x

Claire


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## country girl (Jun 18, 2004)

Hi,

We have 3 frozen embryos. Frozen at the time of Daisy and Isaacs cycle. Obviously at the time we didnt know what the future would hold and whether the cycle would be successful.  The clinic only freeze those they can see are viable. My clinic only do assisted conceptions and not terminations.

We think we might have a FET but arent sure whether to defrost the whole lot in one go (two are frozen in one straw and one in another) and how many to put back. We are blessed with 3 children already and we thank God for them every day as we realise how lucky we are. 

Love Country Girl


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## caz nox (Mar 9, 2005)

If you can afford to have more children then I would say defrost and try again whether it be all 3 and to have twins again. 

To be honest, I have never had any frozen, but would have no worries about donating as I have donated my eggs twice before and never looked back - I hope they were successful. 
What I am trying to say, if you cannot face destroing them maybe think about donating them to someone?


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## skybluesarah (Nov 15, 2006)

I'm not sure if you can donate embryos..I remember reading an article about embryo adoption in the States, where people adopt embryos to stop them from dying, but I didn't think it happened over here?  You ladies probably know much better than me though!

For me personally (and bear in mind when I say this that I have decided never to have IVF or any assisted reproduction technique), the only option would be to thaw them and try and achieve a pregnancy/pregnancies.  I believe that from the moment the sperm hits the egg, life is created, so to me, they would be my children, just ones that I hadn't given birth to yet.  From a Christian point of view, I cannot understand how anyone can believe that life doesn't start at the time of conception: if it doesn't start then, any starting time we put on it is wholly artifical and based on what - whether it looks like a baby yet?  God has willed that life into existence, however tiny it is. To let them perish would be to me the same as an abortion.

Sorry if I have got on my soapbox...you did say you were expecting challenging replies.  I hope you become clear in your decision soon, it must be very hard.


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## jini (May 15, 2007)

hi there,

what an interesting thread,i have 3 frozen embies and feel really torn on what to do with them as i have no need for them,although my dp would hope i would say otherwise.I was told that i couldnt donate them as i was too old when they were collected(I was 37).I was also told that i couldnt egg share as i was too old. 

  I would dearly love to donate them but because of my age,cant so what a predicament.The thought of helping other infertile couples would to me feel worthwhile,but my hands are tied unless they raise the age limit.I also believe like most of you that once the eggs have been fertilized that this is potentially or could be a living being,its such a hard decision to make to have have them destroyed or to have them experimented on.

love janine xx


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## guava (Apr 17, 2007)

Sorry didn't mean to imply your clinic was personally responsible for abortion. I know it's the regulating body, HFEA & BMA which are all interlinked. The people who run such things seem to put their jobs above the fact they are suppose to be human & should always place that fact first for everyone. Regardless of age or ability, giving them at least the right to continue existing.


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Mmmm - I wonder if I shall manage to properly express what I want to say ?

I'm due to have FET in August with donor embryos so have had some suprising (for me) thoughts about this............

I didn't originally know that FET with DE even existed . I have used donor sperm before but was only comfortable with that because I waited until the laws changed so it wasn't anonymous.

My latest test results indicated that I would need IVF and the only way I could afford that was to go abroad where the sperm was anonymous . I wasn't comfortable with that. Also, past experience has taught me that hormone medication make me really very ill so a full IVF is very frightening for me. Then I found out about donor embryos and was suprised to discover that there was nothing about that I was uncomfortable with - even tho they are anonymous.

This is how I felt/feel. The embryos are already created. I am not responsible for that. For whatever reason, the people who created them (genetic parents) aren't able to use them. But I can  . And there is something about that, that I actually feel is very very special.

I really don't think there is much logic in there  but I'm so grateful that people have donated their embryos.

Good luck and I hope you find a decision that YOU feel comfortable with xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## country girl (Jun 18, 2004)

Hmmmmmmmmm thanks girls, lots to think about there and dont worry am not offended by anything, it just helps me to form ideas by listening to other peoples. 

Have been doing lots of praying for guidance about doing the right thing.


Country Girl


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## Nofi (Mar 8, 2007)

Hello Country Girl,

I thought you would find these articles quite helpful in making your decisions

http://www.ctlibrary.com/ct/2003/july/8.17.html

and

http://www.ctlibrary.com/ct/1999/novemberweb-only/22.0.html

Wishing you God's wisdom in making the right decision.

Nofi

/links


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## waywardstork (Apr 30, 2007)

Hi everyone.  I know this thread was created a while ago and not sure if anyone will read this, but here goes anyway.

As you can see from my signiture info ... dh and I had an ICSI cycle earlier this year.  If was a BFN.  We did not have any frosties from the cycle.  At the time, both dh and I were glad of that as it saved us from a huge decision.  What to do if we had a BFN and there were frosties!

My dh and I have quite different opinions on the subject.  He, like  many of you have said, believes that a human life has been created from the time of fertilization.  So for him, frosties are life and he would not want any just distroyed or allowed to perish if they were viable.  
For me ... I feel differently.  I believe a life begins at implantation of the embryo.  From that stage, a pregnancy has begun and a baby begins to form.  Thus I am against abortion for trivial reasons (medical reasons I can still stomach, although just barely).  i therefore don't have a problem with allowing frosties to perish.  Without implanting, they are not going to ever for humans.  
Also, for me, the biggest horror is the thought of someone else raising me and dh's offpring without any input from us.  I would be constantly aware that I had other children out there that I did not know, that my parents and brother would never know.  I find that increddibly hard to think of.  
People who have donated to other - I think you are amazing people who have made the ulitmate sacrifice and I commend you for it, but I couldn't do it.

So ... what happens during mine and dh's next cycle will bring us to another huge decision to make ... what to do with frosties.  

Something to consider is that in order to donate your embryos, you and dh will have to undergo genentic testing to prove you have no genetic disorders that you could pass on to your offspring or the woman carrying the embryo. 

Good luck if you are still contemplating your decision.  

Waywardstork


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I have never had any embryos left to freeze. I am using known donor for sperm and now going down the DE route abroad.  At the moment I think I would want to go back for them myself, but if not I am not sure I would be comfortable giving them up for donation to another person, as they would be genetically the same as my child (hopefully) but I may change my mind on this if I get triplets!!  Also I don't have any problems with DS or DE as a recipient myself.  I am a hoarder though and have sperm stock piled in 3 clinics and can't bare to let it perish so pay storage on it each year.
In Spain I had to sign to say that any surplus embryos created had to be used in research or donated you are not allowed to let them perish
L x


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## country girl (Jun 18, 2004)

Hi everyone,

We are well in to our FET cycle now. Hopefully will have ET tomorrow if my hormone levels are ok and if any frosties survive the thaw  . 

love Country Girl


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