# Confused and miserable - need advice please!



## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Hi,
I'm new to this and sorry if I don't use all of the correct icons etc. I'm 39 and single and have been TTC since August 07. Had 3 unstimulated IUI that didn't work. Had first IVF/ICSI in Jan - good response, 17 eggs, 16 injectable with 13 embryos but only 4 good ones. Two replaced in Jan but BFN. Just had FET with the two frosties (6 cell and 8 cell - I think), which survived well intact and no fragmentation. Got symptoms of AF so even though 2ww not over till this Tues coming don't think has worked. All the blood tests etc seem normal, OK FSH, cycle regular and no probs, no PCOS or tube damage (had a hysterosalpingogram for own confidence after 3 failed iui and all good). My clinic seem reluctant to do any other tests and I'm not sure what would be helpful....they say am doing OK for my age! Have only seen Consultant on one occasion and feel a bit like his time seen as too precious to see me unless there's a serious problem! That might just be my feelings skewing my perception though.... In summary, are there other tests that you gals have been recommended or have had in a similar situation that might make sense? I have a list of some tests (e.g killer cells etc) but it seems that these are only conducted when there is miscarriage and I've never had a pg at all. Any advice as beginning to feel as though age is the only factor they are considering and whilst I'm no spring chicken in fertility terms, I'm not completely past it surely? I am panicking and feel quite upset about my age now, wishing I had taken the step earlier but did the "right" thing by waiting for Mr Right but it hasn't happened....perhaps a mistake but can't do anything about it now!! Thanks for reading...

Yours (needing advice and reassurance)

Muddylane


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## EllieGP (Mar 29, 2008)

Hi Muddylane,

I really feel for you and know how you are feeling. As you didn't mention spotting or bleeding, then I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you still have your embies on board. I have had two failed IVF as well, the last BFN on 10 March. So know all the worry you are going through right now. Don't think about your age, I'm 40 and have just got my first ever BFP on 6 April - And naturally!!! I'm experiencing all the symptoms of AF and yet getting a BFP, so wait until Tuesday, I know it feels like forever. No spotting or bleeding is a good sign, even if you do get these you can still be pregnant. So try to relax and take care of yourself.  

You are a brave lady and keep your chin up, it could still be good news yet.

Sending you lots of hugs        

Take care...Ellie xx


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Hi Ellie,
Thanks for your reply. I didn't help myself by doing a hpt this morning  , which was neg. Keep telling myself that I need to wait till Tues but just don't feel any different to any of the other times...still need to wait and see. Congrats on your BFP    that's fab! Especially naturally - clever you!  
Out of curiosity, what made you decide to go to to a second EC rather than FET? My Consultant advised doing the same but I wondered why one wouldn't use the frosted babes  first, particularly given the costs and all the intervention!? I decided to go with FET mostly because it felt too soon to go through all that injecting and pain again! 

Muddy


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Wishing you all the best for Tuesday, lots of people don't get a positive until the right day, so try and stay as positive as possible.

Hang on in there  

Love Jo
x x x


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Hi Jo,
Thanks for your reply and the fact that you have the strength to give positive thoughts to others when you have been through such a journey.... . It's good to get support when you are on your own with it all....has been making me sad that I don't have a dh or dp...funny really cos I'd got used to the idea before all this! Still, will try to be positive and take all future references to age with the appropriate dose of salt!

Take care
Muddy x


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## Hal (Feb 13, 2008)

Muddy


This tx really isn't over until you get your results on tuesday - good luck. I was convinced i wasn't pg this time round as i felt the same in previous tx which had been -ve. I now realise that 'i know nothing'.

My advice is if this tx does not work then crack on with the next tx. I have never had FET so know little about it. If the chances of FET not being as successful as fresh cycles then i would go with the most effective tx. I think you should request to see your cons and see what other tests can be done. Maybe they should test for 'sticky blood' in case you do get pg. In fertility years, time is marching on and i would suggest you take an aggressive approach to tx and don't waste any time!!

H


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## EllieGP (Mar 29, 2008)

Hi Muddy,

We decided to have another EC as I had my 40th birthday and was very aware that my fertility could start to dip at anytime. We wanted to get as many frosties in the bank, as they will always be 39 or just turned 40 years old. Hoping that the cycle would work, we would have the frosties for a couple of years later when we wanted another baby. By then my fertility could be compromised for EC of 42 years old eggs, so it was a gamble and we wanted to improve our odds. As it turns out, if this little one stays with us, we can still try for a sibling later and now have a one in ten chances of succeeding with our 10 beautiful frosties. 

Jo is right. Don't trust HPTs until after the day. Let the clinic test or blood test, which ever you are doing, be the one to give you the result. They are far more accurate. 

I'm really hoping the next BFP is yours. I'm sure Tuesday feels an eternity away. 

Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you.

Love Ellie xxx


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Hi Ellie,
Thanks for your reply...makes a lot of sense and I hadn't thought of it that way so has really given me something to think about. In fact now that I have thought about it..how incredibly sensible that is...It would be nice if the clinic were able to think of these things too! I do find it a challenge...you have to work really hard to get everything that you need. I feel that I've been pretty pushy so far but you do get to the point where your energy just saps. Hal suggested being assertive and I will try to be but it seems that problem-solving isn't on their agenda and I have to do it all...is that normal I wonder? Have only seen the Consultant once in 4 months, the initial consultation - his views about new cycle were passed on via the nurses -  and even then he was a bit stroppy that I asked so many questions...!   Have a pee stick given to me by the clinic and will use on Tues...will a blood test be better? Guess I'll know next week. Last time my AF took ages to come along and I had to keep taking the meds and testing despite continual BFNs, which was really depressing. Even got food poisoining a few days later and was sick and had to test to check...talk about torture! Thanks for your advice and for sharing your experience, it's been really helpful. Will try to
be hopeful for Tues!!

take care

Muddy


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Think I missed the IT gene when they were handed out...cannot now work out how to reply to you Hal...Read your message along with some others and then after replying to someone else couldn't get your message back. Anyway, thanks for your thoughts and advice and I will be trying to get what I need from the Consultant. What is sticky blood? What tests would you suggest? Is this the immune stuff...have read about it on Dr Beer 's Clinic site and did their online questionnaire. Despite only getting a score of 2.5 they suggested consulting doc about whether immune tests would help. Interestingly, it mentioned about flu-like symptoms following ET. I had what I thought was a virus after first ET, headaches, bad cough and generally feeling rough. This time I got a cold and general rough feeling about a week after ET again. Could be coincidence of course as everyone seems to have been getting recurrent illnesses this winter. Will keep chin up about testing on Tues.. 

Muddy


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Muddylane,

Just wanted to wish you the very best of luck for test day. I test tomorrow and am dreading it!

Sending some       your way.

At 40 your still a youngster so hang on in there.

CG xxxxx


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Hi CG,
Thanks for message. Sounds like we are testing on the same day! Have lots of symptoms of AF, which is unusual for me in the general history of AF but has been this way since I started all these drugs in Jan. Not hopeful because of that but as they say, it ain't over till the fat lady sings....hopefully she will have laryngitis for us both tomorrow! Best of luck.... .

  

Muddy


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## EllieGP (Mar 29, 2008)

To Muddy and CG,

I'm sending you lots of       for tomorrow. 

The   are out in force!!! 

And I'm   you both will be on   and   for joy.

Sending lots and lots of   and  .

 love Ellie xxxx


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Thanks for wishes but got a BFN this morning. No AF yet but can feel it on it's way. Pretty sad   as you would imagine and perplexed as to why nothing has worked so far when all tests etc seem fine, got eggs, got embryos that look good but nothing. Just hope that the clinic will sort me out a consultation quickly.


Muddy


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

So sorry Muddylane - looked into see if one of us had got good news today. Afraid it's another negative result for me too.    Not sure where we go from here as so sure that this might just have worked.

It's hit us hard    

Sending you a big   

Take care hunni, 

Lots of love, CG xxxxxx


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Oh  ,
Not our time yet I guess...so sorry you also got a BFN. Take care of yourself today.  

Muddy xx


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## EllieGP (Mar 29, 2008)

Muddy and CG,

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news, I was thinking of you today. 

Take time to be good to yourself, I know how dreadful you feel but take it one day at a time.
It will get easier and you will get stronger, so when you are ready you will feel like trying again.

I recommend writing down all your questions for your consultants while you still feel raw.
You can easily forget to ask them when time eases the pain and you need to have your
ammunition ready so you get the answers you need.

You don't have to be brave, cry when you need to, it will help you to heal.

Love to you both and big hugs   

Ellie xxx


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Hi,
Thanks for the supportive words. Think I feel OK today as had some good advice from another Consultant (husband of my colleague), which reassured me and made me feel hopeful. Sad that I won't be pregnant before my 40th birthday though...oh well age is just a number...I think!

Muddy


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