# newbie to thinking about donor eggs



## Cma700 (Nov 12, 2012)

Hi I am a regular user of ff and after nearly 7 years of ttc my consultant has suggested donor eggs as from my last ivf cycle it seemed to be an egg issue.  
I dont know what to think and how I feel.  I have another appointment on Monday as my consultant works with a clinic in Alicante bernabeuto discuss having treatment over there.  My clinic do it here but I feel the donors are alot younger over there.  I have had a few counselling sessions at the clinic here but still have couple more (although I am getting a little annoyed as one whole session is on how to tell your child they are a donor, I dont even know if I can get pregnant!)
  I just wanted peoples advise on when they decided to move on and how I get my head around it all.  

Any advice experience welcome xxx


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## nevertoolate (Jul 15, 2015)

Hi I wish you well with your treatment. It takes a while to
get used to the idea. Don't be pressurised into feeling you have to tell the child. It is a very personal decision


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## June2015 (Jun 20, 2015)

Hi there,

Just a quickie from me, but wanted to say I reached the decision quickly as ultimately I wanted a family and donor egg was one of the ways (or adoption). I view donor egg as only part of the story and whilst the child won't have your DNA, they have you and you have them, nurturing and loving them.  Family is so much more than DNA.

Anyway, take your time and don't rush things.  PM me if you want any more info. Happy to talk x


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## Tinseltown (Jan 8, 2016)

I was in your shoes five months ago when our last OEIVF attempt failed.

I had a bit of a cry to be honest – even as recently as a few days ago – to mourn the children I have always envisioned but will never have with my husband. I know it sounds weird, but many of us will have started this baby-making journey thinking we would have children naturally. We thought they would carry a mixture of our genes and our other halves. It’s hard when that expectation changes. For me, it didn’t take too long to come to terms with it (despite the occasional cry), but others try their luck with own eggs for many more years before they get around to the idea of using DE.

So the one thing I’d say is take your time. Also, talk to your husband. We can become so narrow-minded in our pursuit of having a child that we sometimes forget our husbands. In my case, my husband actually took a lot longer to come to terms with using DE. I was surprised by that.

Also, once you get around to the idea of using donor eggs, I would advise you to shop around for clinics. Don’t just look at one. You need to be REALLY comfortable with the decision that the clinic is making for you. They are the ones who will choose the donor. Not you. With OEIVF, although I was picky with clinics, the eggs were mine. I didn’t have to think about who the donor was or how much info the clinic would be providing me with... or whether they’d match me at all.

We decided to look at a few clinics in Spain and make our decision on who to go with after the consultation. Prior to the consultations, I had an early favourite (based on the initial service) and then changed my mind after much rationalisation (mainly to do with cost, but also another clinic’s popularity on this forum). So we went to Spain with me thinking we’d definitely go with Clinic B, but after all the consultations were over, I arrived back at my early favourite, Clinic A... simply because it was THE clinic I ‘clicked’ with most and who understood my concerns best. If I had never gone to all the different clinics, I’d probably have ended up with Clinic B – not knowing there was another clinic that suited me better.


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