# SINGLE AND 40+



## carnivaldiva (Feb 9, 2009)

Any single ladies who are 40+?

Looks like I'm going to be embarking on my 3rd cycle of IVF in a couple of months and just wondering how the 40+ single ladies are coping.

For me my worse fear is that I keep thinking that I've left it too late.  Is 42 really too old to be a first time mum?  

People keep telling me that I don't look likeI'm in my 40s, but make up can do wonders for one's complexion!!!  I'm happy to look like 100 year old, as long as my baby bits are young and functioning


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Hi there...I'm not 40+ but many of us ladies on here are...and not necessarily a factor.  Woman have been having babies well into their 40's for years, it just in the past they might have been the 4/5/6 th babies in their families!! and maybe not the 1st!!  Everyone is different thats what makes it so hard, but you are being very positive and proactive so fingers crossed its 3rd time lucky    


  
xx


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Carnivaldiva, a number of the 40+ girls are not only coping but thriving in pregnancy just now - off the top of my mind Felix (a newbie to the club - yay!), Muddy and Maya - all of them first time mums to be.  Just brilliant brilliant news.  I turn 42 in a couple of months and am determined to add to my family, as are a number of others.  I have my fingers crossed for you too!
  

A-Mx


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

Carnivaldiva I'm 42 and after spending a fortune on IVF i finally accepted that the odds of a 10% success rate using my own eggs against a 70% success rate using donor eggs was simply a better option to go with donor eggs. I wish I'd made the decision earlier and saved myself the heartache because I've had my first positive unfortunately i misscarried but i am sure i will have success with my FET planned for in May. i don't want to be a dampener on this positive thread but thought it worth a mention.

good luck and welcome


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi Carnivaldiva and welcome!

If your question is are you too old to be a mum at 42 then definitely not...lots of evidence to show that older mothers are good for children (more life experience, calmer etc etc) and there's no reason why you can't be a first time mum in your 40s and cope perfectly well, especially as you seem to have a positive attitude and lots of energy  

However if your question is can you get pregnant with your own eggs at 42, then I have to say I agree a little with Tinkelbunny here, the odds are not in your favour. That's not to say you can't - Muddy and Maya have both done it recently from single girls board. Felix, and many others in the over 40 bracket have moved on to donor eggs. So I do think it's worth bearing this in mind - your success rates will go from single figures with own eggs to around 50-60%+ with donor eggs

Not a decision to take lightly by any means and one I am also struggling with after 3 failed IVF and a missed miscarriage from FET with own eggs in the past 15 months (at the age of 38-39) but one which may be a more realistic path to achieving your dream of having a child

Wishing you all the very best with your next tx,
Suitcase
x


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

suitcase the whole donor idea seems so foreign but now that i am into it it feels no different from using my own eggs. i don't think of the donor and i know there are healthy eggs so I'm not beating myself up about my body failing me. believe me when i was told at every turn that i had perfect grade 1 eggs it was very difficult to let go because everything says they should work, but they didn't.

the donor program is much easier, you are on less medication and i think the whole ivf process is flawed. i think they have the timing wrong your body will only accept the eggs at a certain period with ivf you might miss this window because you are trying to stimulate as many follicles as possible. the eggs should be frozen and your lining should be prepared for a FET, the new solutions used for FET's give a very good success rate. but hey this is only my opinion. fortunately with DE the focus is on preparing your lining and finding the perfect timing for ET.

my clinic has eggs already frozen not fertilised and they will at a cost allocate you five this takes the stress of wondering if your donor has stimulated away. i have had issues with them, but after a failed treatment we all become angry with the world and direct our anger in various directions.

there is a thread on the DE threat about things i wish i had done differently, have a read and I'm sure you will feel more confident in your decision making.


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Thanks Tinkelbunny for sharing your experience

I'm not sure of your circumstances, but I'm single and hence the child would have no genetic connection to me at all - I would be having double donor with egg and sperm. This is something I need to get my head around 

I'm having at least one more go with my own eggs and steroids etc for extra support at the end of April, and after that, we shall see

I'll have a look at your DE thread too though, it's always good to read other's experiences,

Suitcase
x


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

suitcase have you done all of the tests, right down to testing for infections?

go to your GP and get you thyroid tested it's for free so why not that plays a huge part in a woman's fertility. also do the blood clotting blood tests free again from your GP, don't wait before testing we seem to loose our power during treatment but like others have said retain some control and run ahead of the game a bit don't wait. it's because i was waiting for this doctor and that that the years have passed by so quickly and i find myself struggling.

as for not having a genetic link, you will see the baby 'becomes' yours you will feel that it is 100% yours.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Hi I think emotionallly older mums may be at an advantage, but the phsyiological side of things a 40+ like myself is disadvantaged.  I regret only starting this 4 yrs ago and not 14 yrs ago.  I am now into the realms of DE's.

L x


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

did you guys know that at 35 you are considered old in child bearing years and trying at 40 well the odds are all against you. i was talking to an old midwife and she was a well of information and also stressed that you were born to have children when you were younger. i have a 15 year old daughter and she is aware of how we struggling to conceive, she has it in mind that she will work towards starting a family at 25. how frustrating when you have regular periods, feel 20 years younger why shouldn't it all work. i was upset that the NHS used 40 as a cut off age but then when i was told that 35 is the biological age i accepted that the NHS did push the boat out to give us all a chance.


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Thanks again Tinkelbunny - I'm having all the tests done etc. Thyroid is all fine, been tested for that several times anyway as my mum and sisters have thyroid condition
Just had immune tests done and I have raised NK cells which may be part of the problem (and would still potentially be a problem with donor eggs)

But am def exploring all the options that's for sure!

Suitcase
x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Suity the NK cells and DE are a slightly different ball game I was told, as the success rates despite having full immune support on your own IVF cycles when the women move to DEs the success rates are still much higher, I was told that DE are more robust.  Also if you have immune issues there are some papers that the IVF gets your immunes up and so there is more success on having FET when the body has recovered from the onsluaght of IVF.

Best of luck
L x


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

suitcase

I'm also doing some self testing and don't mention it to a soul but self medication. i had my first ivf and was left in agony with a kidney infection....it felt and was near death. i had to replace my mattress not sure if you know how serious a kidney infection is but you sweat so much because your body can't get rid of the fluids any other way...it was terrible i even had blood in my urine. i had to change clothing every three hours and it would be soaking wet you could wring it out.
well it seems I've recovered this was about four years ago.

however I was sent you home with a mild antbiotic and I've not had that from any of my other clinics.

I've noticed the last couple of months that I'm struggling with bladder control. also all the medication we on will cause thrush because we are upsetting the balance of our system.

after my misscarriage my doctor mentioned that i might have had a hostile environment.

I've just been to the chemist and he said I'd need an antibiotic and that my system was all messed up because of the medication.

Ive found some left over antibiotics, the remnants make up a full course and they are not out of date. so here i am taking stuff for cystitis, thrush and an antibiotic.

Please note, Fertility Friends does not endorse any type of self medication/DIY drugs administering . We ask you to seek advice from you GP/clinic on any aspects when self administering drugs of this nature without professional medical supervision/approval


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Tinklebunny -How awful about your residual problems I would go to your GP and get a urine sent for microbiology,culture and sensitivity and then it comes back with the antibiotic that should be prescribed to treat that organisma.

As a nurse myself I have self medicated sometimes, but taking the wrong AB's (some are for gram positive organisms others for gram negative) can do a lot more harm than good and hence we have such a problem with MRSA now in the healthcare settings by overuse and reistance to AB's that Drs used to prescribe willy nilly. It is not the IVF drugs that may cause thrush but ABs themselves killing off the natural good flora we have in our bodies.

Most places give you some doxycline after EC but that is prophylactic in cases dormant infections have been stirred usualy that are concerned with chlamidya.  

Re hostile environment -You can aslo have swabs done and sent off of your endometrium , also check out Dr ******* miscarriageclinic website- he is a lovely man and very thorough and can do tests, immunes etc and discover if possible potential causes for mc.  I went in Jan 07 and he diagnosed my NK cell activity was raised so I moved to ARGC for immune support IVF.
Good luck

L x


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

JJ1

thank you for your response. i am taking Doxycycline, don't think it can harm, but i already have urine in for tests it came back inconclusive so I've had to send off a second batch. i also have an appointment with a consultant at our hospital i assume he is a gynie and I'll ask for some more tests. i don't have killer cells and so far the factor v laydon (don't know the spelling) but all those tests have come back in the normal range, but i will be able to discuss them with my consultant next week and the clinic.

i was so upset after my misscarriage that i wanted to give up and then it dawned on me that I've not done the necessary leg work. I've asked the clinic about various medication and tests and I've peen persistent with the doctors and am trying to eliminate as much as i can.

i think for the next FET i am going to ask for oestrogen patches because there was a drop in my oestrogen at five weeks. i am also not going to inject with gestone as much will ask to have it every other day (by god did they hurt). and i will not take aspirin till after egg collection. i am going to consume as much red wine before and eat as much red meat as possible. I've had a word with the embryologist and we will try for blast as i have 5 eggs to work with.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Great that you have an appt looming.

With your oestrogen and FET I am doing DE and they keep ladies on oestrogen until 12 weeks, I take it to thicken adn prepare the lining and then when pregnant keep on it toll 12 weeks. I don't respond to patches at all as when I take  oetrodial bloods every few days it never got out of the normal range when preparing for FET, progynova tablets also don't work as well as they wanted, but I respond well to oestrogen injections (you can get them outside the UK).  Most clinics use aspirin before EC as often switch to clexane injections after FET.  Also Gestone v cyclogest is another debate as some women drop their progesterone, I have done both- I am a needlephobic but survived the IM Gestone but my donor's partner always gives me all my jabs, I am intending to use cyclogest with FET

Great news that you have 5 eggs- which clinic are you at? I presume that you are using DE's 

I am also using DE, I am at IVI Barcelona, I was matched with my donor last Oct she gave me 16 eggs that are frozen, but my lining has never been good enough to have them them back, despite attempting and getting over there twice.I asked my UK consultant about the window period but her said it doesn;t matter with DE and FET 

L x


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

JJ1

I've noticed you on another board think DE board. yes it's donor eggs that i have.
thank you for mentioning about the oestrogen injections I'll ask for them. so you are already taking them to thicken your lining, gosh I'll ask for them first thing, i thought i only needed them once I've had the ET. if you are having lining problems I'll wait till after EC to start using aspirin, I've done the whole for and against aspirin debate.
I'm not a fan of cyclogest they seem to give you all the false pregnancy symptoms, gestone didn't do that no swelling of the boobs and so on so you don't sit there thinking oh yes it's worked when it hasn't.
I'm at a clinic in South Africa. did you struggle to get your blood tests done here? my GP surgery don't have a clue what to do that is so frustrating.
wow you got 16 eggs my clinics is dodgy, oops didn't say that but yeah they allocated me 10 eggs but made me pay a fortune..aagh that is another story. you are right the window period doesn't apply with FET because they control it with drugs. 
darling what can we do to thicken your lining?? do you eat red meat and all that stuff? no more well done steaks for you medium and perhaps some pink liver are you taking iron supplements it has to be taken with vit C else it doesn't absorb.

thinking of you doing this on your own, i had a previous partner lets say it was not a pleasant time not that this last round was much fun or supportive for me.

seems like my self medication is doing something I'm already feeling much better.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Tinlebunny  Great that you are feeling better.

Wow South Africa is a long way to go for DE's!!  What made you decide on SA against Europe /USA? availability/cost /ethnicity.  I only wanted dark hair and eyes from a ED as we both have this, so Spain was close and easy to get to more expensice but my UK cons recommended IVI.

I didn't struggle to get my basic bloods done via GP really as he is sweet doesn't understand, asks me what ICSI is, but I worked in the hospital where the GP sends the practice's bloods so he gave me a wad of forms and my donors partner takes my bloods when we need them, and we get the results direct from the lab.  When I am cycling I use the clinic as they need the results in their offices quickly.

I start taking the down regging (I sniff) then on cd 1 and then alternate days have the oestrogen injection, and have a scan and bloods from day 9 and then every couple of days and fax them over to Spain.  

Re: eggs most of us on the IVI thread got 15 plus eggs from the egg donor, one girl got 19, some places share the donors eggs out and in the US you can go into sharing the donor and depending how many people you share with the costs are split between the couples.

I have Asherman's syndroms (too much scraped away after my mc or d+c later so they have damaged the basal layers of the lining so it doesn't grow much, my AF's last less than a day) and NK cells so viagra suppositories, beta blockers, high dose Vitamin E and aspirin for the lining issues- and aspirin clexane, steroids for the NK cells (ARGC look after that side of things).

When I had Gestone it was each evening, when I had cyclogest it was 400 mgs morning and night.

I am single but I am so blessed that I have my donor and his partner with me every step of the way so i am not alone at all really - in all my IVF/fertility time I think that I have given myself one or two injections in 4 years, the boys do them for me or a friend- a perk of being a nurse is most if your friends are!  On my last own egg IVF cycle I took a month off work, my donors partner took 2 weeks off for the stimming and he took all my bloods in the house, then took them down to ARGC for them to process through the lab, so that I could rest and not be anxious (I am a needlephobic but do trust him implicitly).  One of them always comes to appts, lining scans and when we go to the clinic in Barcelona (3 times so far) we all go together. After operations my donors partner come into the anaesthetic room, he is the last person I see and is there waiting when I come round, then looks after me post op at my house or theirs.  I take every  2ww off work and go to their house to rest. So I don't feel alone at all I am so lucky.

L x


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

JJ1

you are so blessed with your support they sound like wonderful people.

my brother was doing my gestone injections because my partner was away he works abroad and the times he had to do it he was nearly in tears because of the size of the needle.

sounds like you have the work on your lining sorted. sorry to hear about the trouble you had with them removing too much during your D&C. i told my partner that IVF was like a board game we work so hard trying to get into the game that the process from start to finish as in pregnancy is only a dream we invariably never even make it to the start spot on the darn game.

South Africa because I'm from there. I'm European but the whole donor thing is less complicated there. had a chemical pregnancy in December and rushed to see a specialist in my home town, hence the need to go back there. the donor is a close match to me.

i am worried that I'm not having any oestrogen will have that seen to on Monday, but i have a week in SA before ET so that might be a long enough time to take it. i didn't have a lining problem and the GP assured me after my misscarriage that it was not necessary to go for a D&C because of your reason am now so glad i did not persue with it. 

you are very lucky about getting your bloods done. i will go back to my GP and inform them, doing the HCG should be standard considering that i have had two ectopic pregnancies. HCG is the only way to monitor that the pregnancy is progressing the right way...very infuriating.

you are very brave xxx


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## Maya7 (Sep 9, 2008)

Hi Carnivaldiva

I only just discovered this thread (I normally just click on replies to posts).

I firmly believe that 40 is the new 30.  But bear in mind that a generation ago, if you were having your first child at 30 that was considered pushing it! ... 

I'll admit I did just get in under the radar - or really just dived through the closing window of opportunity with regards to using my own eggs but my mum had my brother at exactly my age and as I come from a family of big families, there are a number of births at 40+ so maybe genetics played its part too.

What I dont have in terms of energy I hope to make up for in terms of stamina and experience.  The patience I'm still working on!   

I would say to anyone not to be influenced by mere age - be influenced by a belief that you will be a good mother to a child and can provide it with the stability and love it needs and deserves.  As has been said, make up is a wonderful thing (plus pregnancy weight has plumped up my face and I'm sure a few wrinkles have disappeared!)

Take care
Maya


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## MistyLake (Jul 7, 2008)

Hi,

I would just like to add my point to the list. They have chosen 35 as a random cut off age for declaring women 'old' for child bearing.  I was told that this is currently under review as so many women are child bearing in later years. I read a figure recently for the number of births that year to women age 40+ and it was really high....something like 32000. You have to remember that you are using highly abnormal means of procreating. Had you got a partner you would be having sex, it would all be free, his hormones and yours and the act of sex would be all promoting conception. Think of what they do to the semen that you use....there will be delays before it reaches the lab, wash it, freeze it, defrost it, and then insert it unnaturally into a highly clinical situation etc I have terrible blood results and received nothing but scare stories from drs, I have had unprotected sex twice only in the past 2 years and conceived both times, yet had 7 cycles of DI with no success.....Please try to maintain hope!

Rx


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## Candee (Feb 1, 2009)

Hi all,
Tinkelbunny I am going to SA for donor E&S in July. Are you using Cape Fertility Clinic? 
I have posted on the SA board but it would be nice to know there was another singlie
off to SA!

Suitcase I know what you mean about having double donation, when I got my terrible
fertility results and I was in shock, I felt the same way. I was chatting with my mum
and said 'but would I really feel like I was the baby's mother' and my mum said
"You would have to be, because it wouldn't have any other!" And that sort of clinched it
for me, the baby would be the child I carried and grew and so it would have to be my
baby... who else's? Anyway, it was so helpful to me that I thought I would share it!
Cheers
Candee


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

hi Candee


no i'm going to Durban in South Africa, there are a few good clinics in South africa there is one in Johannesburg and the flights to JHB is so much cheaper than to Cape Town. good luck. i am flying out in May am so excited, i feel i stand a good chance this time and yes i will be the babies mother DE or not.


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## sanya (Jun 23, 2007)

Hi Ladies,
Sorry to crash your thread.
Tinkelbunny I was very interested to read your post about thyroid issues playing a big part in fertility.
I was recently diagnosed with a slightly underactive thyroid and now I am wondering if this is what has caused the huge increase in FSH levels.
I thought my bordeline levels were due to being perimenopausal
excuse my ignorance on this matter 
I am single and off to reprofit in early May for my 4th attempt
Sanya xx


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## Candee (Feb 1, 2009)

Hi Sanya
Good luck with your next cycle. Sending you lots of positive energy!   
Candee


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## carnivaldiva (Feb 9, 2009)

Well, I had my follow up appointment with consultant yesterday at LWC after a BFN.

I'm going to start my next cycle of treatment day 21 after my next period.  Left my notebook at home, but from what Dr Vankat said, I'll be DR with bsuerline and then when I start stimming I'll be on smaller doses (as before) on bsuerlin, gonal F and menphur? (please excuse spelling as I'm at work and haven't got info to hand)

3 lots of injections.  Really hoping that it;ll work.  Dr was very encouraging about acupuncture.  Looked at Zita West's website, they do acupuncture, but it's so expensive there and prob not practable as I live in Hampshire.

Even though I haven't started treatment yet, I feel very calm and ready.  I almost feel as the last cycle was done when I wasn't mentally prepared.  Felt really guilty about starting it as my baby would've been born Feb 09.  

I really know that I need to look forward and not backwards.  I still dwell on things, but I really think I'm in a better place in my head for my next cycle.

It's just a shame that I can' get any funding form NHS.  It's hard being a single woman or a certain age wanting a family


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

hi I have some links to acu in north hampshire/surrey if you are in that area. Pm me if you want details Suitcase x ps sorry for appalling typing - is hard from phone


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

morning Sanya

apologies for the slow response i was away for a few days.

re the thyroid, if yours is underactive it will most definitely have an effect on your treatment. i am quoting what my clinic have said and there are so many links on here on the effects of the thyroid. there is some medication you can take, i am so sorry i don't have all the info, but do a search under the topic of 'underactive thyroid' you are sure to get a load of supportive information. but don't continue with treatment if this is not addressed because it does have an effect and you might be throwing good money after ineffective treatments.

good luck xxx


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## sanya (Jun 23, 2007)

Tinkelbunny  Thanks for your post, I had no idea it was that serious, I have found a specific thread for underactive thyroid now and am reading up. It is worrying, thanks for alerting me
Candee Thanks for the good wishes
sanya xx


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## carnivaldiva (Feb 9, 2009)

Thanks Suitcase

I'm seeing an acupuncturist in Chiddingford.  I've only had 2 sessions, but I'm hoping it'll help.

Carnivaldiva x


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Hi All,
Just noticed this thread. I hope to bring something positive to the thread but realise that it doesn't always help to have people saying how lucky they are! I am just about to turn 41 and my baby is due anytime now. It hasn't been a smooth journey by any stretch but I have been lucky in terms of tests etc. Been lucky enough to have normal hormone levels, no known immune issues (though only basic tests done), no other health issues related to fertility other than age. I have been lucky enough to respond well to the IVF drugs with limited side effects (unless you count terrible diarrohea for 24 hrs on the second lot of injecting menopur - on my 40th birthday weekend away!) and have had lots of eggs both times of EC. Still took 4 ETs to get my bfp...the last two ETs were all of blastocycts, two of which were hatching at ET. I had twins at 7 week scan   but one had stopped developing at 9 weeks  . 

I suppose my way of thinking about it now is that it comes down to the right embryo...I've no idea what affects that or what can be done other than keep on trying. I've no idea whether age is always the main factor but maybe despite having lots of eggs (44 over two ECs) I suppose only one has worked but that's all you need! There are also girls who have had few eggs (Rose would be an example I think) and achieved a bfp. So again I would say that it comes down to the right embryo....I only wish I knew how to achieve that so that I could pass some wisdom on to you  . 

Over 40s mums have lots to offer children and many mums have their second/third child after 40 and people don't make too much fuss about that. We are much more common now too...I haven't met anyone else my age so far at antenatal classes but nobody else seems to notice my age so why should I worry about it? I am so ready for a child and feel that I have an advantage over young mums...not sure why but maybe because I feel mentally prepared with a fair bit of knowledge behind me. 

Keep going ladies...I would have moved onto DEs and had an appointment booked at Reprofit but was lucky enough that my last FET worked. When you have been pregnant, you realise that your baby sure feels like your own! It can't develop and become the little person it will be without you and your body regardless of genetic link. The bonding comes with carrying your baby and worrying about it and tolerating all the quirks and changes that occur because of the baby. 

I wish you all so much love and luck....I hope that this helps and doesn't make you feel like  ... 40 is not old, it presents it's own challenges in terms of egg age but this isn't insurmountable. Your babies will be your own regardless of whose eggs they are.  


Muddy x


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## winky77 (Nov 27, 2007)

oooo....I can't believe I've missed this thread previously!   It's been a really interesting read. 

I have been having wobbles recently as I've just had my 6th failed attempt (1xiui, 4x ivf  & 1x fet) with my own eggs. 

On the plus side I have always had a reasonable to good response to IVF stimms and have averaged 6 embies by transfer day.  11 out of the 12 I've had transferred have been grade 1 embies.  My last FSH was 6.7 (Jan this year) and AMH was 17 a year ago....both better results than to be expected at my age. 

On the minus side I am 42.5 yrs old; none of the embies have stuck even for a short while; I have a submucous fibroid which is now 4cm (has grown with ivf drugs); and I have high thyroid antibodies (which may mean I have other immune issues too). I'm also a few stone overweight and my BP is higher than it should be. 

I've pretty much been doing back to back treatment since May08 and I know I need to give my body a break now.  I feel like there is one last go with my own eggs left in me....probably early sept....and after having the fibroid removed and shedding some serious weight and getting more immune tests. But then I have a wobble and think, am I just chucking money in a black hole?!  

Maya, I think you are the oldest of our current mums-to-be with own eggs and it gave me such hope when you got your BFP as we're only 2 weeks different in age.  But obviously I'm several months older now.  And we have Rose and Muddy preggers with own eggs at 40.  But am I right in thinking most over 40s has moved on to DE?  Carnivaldiva, I think it might only be you and I still chasing our own eggs? 

It is so difficult.  Like most have said....I don't feel 40 plus (altho I do look it right now with my haggard ivf face and recent weight gain!) .  Normally I have more energy that most people 10years  younger so that is not an issue either.  I also have quite a few friends who've had their own babies at 40/41 so I wouldn't be too far out of sync that friends around me.  I don't actually have any issues with being an 'older' mother apart from a bit of sadness that the child wouldn't have grandparents around for as many years as I did.  What I do have an issue with is time ticking away, me and my eggs getting older and my debts increasing as I have one more failed attempt after another.....and yet I can't quite give up on my own eggs yet.

I haven't looked at the TTC over 40 general thread for ages.....maybe I need to go and check that out....hopefully for a bit of a morale boost! 

Lol...Winky


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

Winky

i know the frustrations of being told that you have a perfect grade 1 embie and then to still get that BFN...it is soul destroying. i am fortunate to have a dd so going for DE was well not an easy decision, but easier than it would have been had i not had a biological child of my own....can so understand the need to keep on trying.
must say that after my 1st DE i got my very first BFP and it was simply brilliant. it became mine and the whole DE was forgotten about. i now regret having wasted money on trying when my chances were below 10%. i'm due for my next DE FET in a weeks time and am over the moon as there is no reason for it not to work this time. i am sure i will get that BFP and get off this trying to conceive road...and that i can move on with my life and put all of this behind me. if this FET doesn't work...because the FET is so easy i might have another go...but honestly i am growing weary and the emotional toll it has taken has aged me.


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## RichmondLass (Apr 26, 2009)

Hello ladies, I've not posted on this thread yet I don't think.  I've just replied to this thread and lost my reply so I'll keep it short.

I've having double donor IVF soon I hope and, it's very much a personal choice, but I don't have any qualms about using donor eggs.  At 44 I would have a one per cent chance of conceiving but with a donor egg it's 45 - 60 per cent.  If I'm luck enough to get up the duff this will be the most loved and most wonderful and precious baby in the whole world despite the fact it's not genetically linked to me (probably a good thing as it would at least have a fighting chance of being bright and pretty without my dodgy genes!).

I do get the yearning to have a little bit of oneself in the baby but I got over that very quickly.  For me it's the same as if I opened the front door to find a little bundle in a basket on my doorstep - I have no doubts at all I'd fall in love with that little bundle and be perfectly happy to raise it (but that doesn't happen in Hampton too much these days, so I'll have to have IVf instead!).

I reckon that, once pregnant, most women probably would be so overjoyed that they wouldn't stop to think about the genetics any more. However, that's not to trivialise the dilemma.  It's such a personal thing and I guess I had that particular decision in the process removed for me because of the age at which I'm starting.  (I was going to give it a shot about a year ago with a 2-5% chance at that stage and with my ex but would only have done it once.)

And I also think that a lot of babies born to older women - particularly the celebs we read so much about - are probably DE it's just they don't tell.  Their choice.  

My biggest worry is not having enough energy and stamina at my age - or enough money, so I'm going to start doing the Lottery!

However, I don't believe you can ever be too old to be a mum.  Think of how many grandmothers have raised their grandchildren over the years for various reasons.  More power to their elbow I say!

The greatest thing is that we have a choice either way - imagine if we didn't?

RLx


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## Candee (Feb 1, 2009)

That is pretty much how I feel - not so long ago, we would have had no choice/ no chance...
Thank God things have moved on!


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

RL - totally agree
 mini


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## winky77 (Nov 27, 2007)

Hi girls....

It is so heartening to hear from those of you who have embraced donor eggs....I think you are absolutely right....at the end of the day it is a baby you have grown and that wouldn't exist if you hadn't so genetics have to fade into the background against that.  I think half my 'problem' is that I still have some hope for my own eggs.....I've been given odds of 20% on the last couple of cycles....still not great but high enough that I have hope....if it was half that I would definately have lost hope.  Also the problem with no implantation is that I then convince myself that if my own egg embies won't implant then surely a donor embie will have a similar if not worse problem.  The upshot is that I definately need to have more checks /work done on the womb environment before I would invest in another go with my own eggs or with a donor.  I am taking four months off the treatment bandwagon to recover my body and get these things looked into.  I do panic about 'delaying' tho.....maybe I should still check when I ovulate over the summer and go and find someone to have a 'sh*gfest' with just so I'm not wasting any chances! 

Now there's a thought ! 

lol

..Winky


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Winky, I'd definitely be going for the fest if I were you...in fact even as me I'd go for it but not many men that attracted to a heavily pregnant woman with legs like tree trunks or cankles as my friend called them (i.e. calves and ankles blending into one!)!   or maybe  

Muddy x


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## winky77 (Nov 27, 2007)

Muddy .....good luck in finding a bloke with a cankle fetish! 

How you feeling?.....It both freaks me out and excites me that your ticker says 3 days to go.....so can't imagine how you are feeling!?!?  The problem with not doing active treatment at the moment is that I live vicariously through everyone else!  It's exhausting! 

lol

..Winky


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## MistyLake (Jul 7, 2008)

Yes Muddy, I would like to know exactly how you are feeling.....You strike me as having had a very easy physical time of it compared with me, if I am not mistaken. I am still struggling with sinus problems and feeling like I am 40 weeks pregnant! I am really quite sob, and feel very distended and as if the head is engaged (it isn't) I am looking big for my physical size...I hope your friend is still up for being a birth partner. It looks like I am going this point alone. I am about to start looking for a doulah. It's a funny business and I feel peculiar asking anyone to help me, as really I have no one that I am that close to. I would hate to inflict it upon someone who hasn't the heart to say no. But at the end of the day who would want to be called out at any hour of the day, for hours at a time, only to feel helpless and stressed to the hilt! Which you do when you watch birth (I have seen many)  

Rx


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Well I'm over here - with a story..........

Was in hospital again yesterday and to my amazement the doctor was soooo lovely and nice looking he even gave out Reprofit chaps a run for their money. How exciting   . Anyway, we get ready for the dreaded internal and he's chatting away to put me at ease. He asks my age and I answer as I always do '39'. And then shrieked 'oh bloody hell, no I'm 40 now'! 

So here I am    

What do you talk about over here then?

xxxxxxxxxx


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

I think that we ought to have more conversations about incontinence and the like on here to reflect our senior years . 

But seriously, I am feeling impatient Misti. Last night had three hours of what i thought could be labour but without the obvious waves of contraction, just pain that was a continuous but not really extreme. Baby was moving about like a kick boxer not helping the issue! Had to call hospital cos I wasn't sure if it was labour...got a male HCA who went through his checklist of questions and when I couldn't answer the contraction timing one...cos that's what i was phoning to ask about...he was so stumped he just kept asking the same question over and over! Eventually he put a midwife on who told me to take paracetamol and go to bed. Hey ho....

Only three weeks till I'm 41, fortunately that will get lost in the birth of a new baby! Welcome to the thread LL.

Muddy


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

I can very easily do incontinence conversations at the moment


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## winky77 (Nov 27, 2007)

....well I've been revealing all about my botty bubble (still there btw) so why not waterworks too!!  Nothing is sacred on FF !!  

..Winky


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## emu (Apr 9, 2006)

Just to add to the discussion. I do not believe that people should give up on their dreams. I am well into my 40 and was quite lucky to have a baby naturally conceived. I have gone through IUI and IVF before it finally happened although with a different partner. During my investigations, I took time out to look at my medical information generated over the years and came to the conclusion that my problem appeared to be that I was not ovulating most of the time. Both the IUI and the IVF were medicated and I came away with the conclusion that the medications in my case were proving to be a waste of drug, money and exposure to unnecessary chemicals in my case as the follies with a desirable size from all 4 were in most cases 1 or 2 (my doctor might say 3) at trigger stage. My various research and other people's stories on various website led me to believe that at times and especially for people in their 40 medication might just serve to provide an electric shock to your eggs that are already weak in the first place. As I wanted to use my eggs and the doctors were no longer recommending this, I decided to do an experiment on myself and I have to say its something I do not recommend but at times you do things when the professionals are only interest in their statics and not you and I was getting to the point where all I kept coming up against were walls advising me to stop and give up. I was in a physical relationship in anycase but just decided to use my temperature to chart my ovulation. Over the cause of 2 months at ovulation I would use the trigger injection (pregnll). In the 3rd months I did not use it and it was on this occassion that I conceived. So I dont know what to make of that but a part of me belives that my actions in the preceeding 2 months had an effect. 

My suggestion is that especially in your late 30's or 40's you really have no time to waste so, try to get as much information about your situation, what is wrong, what makes sense from all the consultations you have about your situation, what is the general statictics, what is your personal statistic and be an informed and active part of finding a resolution. I had so many reasons for my infertility that by giving birth through natural conception proved some of them so wrong in their diagnosis, from Clear tubes, one closed to both blocked in most cases the consultant dont really have the time at times to spend on individuals. 

I wish you all luck in your ttc journey.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

emu congratulations on your lovely LO- was the pregnyl prescribed did you get a Dr to go along with your plan, but HCG is out of the sytsem within in 2 weeks how did it have an effect in month 3?


I would strongly echo what you say about not leaving it too late to TTC, unfortunately all us sunglies aren't in a position to try naturally
L x


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Emu...good for you, an inspirational story. 

I forgot to add the issue about piles to incontinence too. Nice....I'm so attractive at the moment it's hard to believe that I'm single!!!   Oh yes and I also have a huge carbuncle on the back of my neck that keeps bleeding and needs to be excised by a dermatologist. Ahhh, not sure if it's all about being over 40 but thought I'd share it with you all if for nothing other than a laugh.  

Other than this, I feel great..and I really don't care anyway because I am lucky enough to be having a baby and I'd tolerate much more than this for this opportunity. Keep going everyone, motherhood after 40 is no longer a rarity.  

Muddy x


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Muddy - one day before due date - is your little girl going to be very punctual do you think?!  

Don't laugh too hard about incontinence...the one the midwives don't often tell you about is the possibility of bowel incontinence   after pushing out the baby....and it so ain't funny when you're in the middle of a super market, feel the irresistible urge to go, start aiming your tiny baby in its pushchair as if it's a missile towards where you think there might be a public loo in the growing certainty that there is no chance in hell of making it.   I am now a firm believer in pelvic floor exercises.  

And if that's what happened in my 30s, what lies in wait for me next time around in my 40s??


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## Maya7 (Sep 9, 2008)

Anybody else doing pelvic floor exercises on reading Inde's post?


Maya


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## wizard (Nov 6, 2008)

Yes, and I'm not even pregnant!     But I have in fact been doing them a while.....


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## emu (Apr 9, 2006)

JJ1 - I do not believe that the science of drugs is a precise science  and that is why we all sometimes react differently to different drugs. We do get given an approximation based on their sample and that is the best that can be done. Yes but to your question on prescription but I would not want to elaborate as I might get into trouble.

Muddy - Today is due date and your loo is smug and well tucked in. Happy tummy rub to you and dont worry after birth there are many more right of passage into motherhood stuff happening to your body but its all good she says    . Tell me about incontinence it started after my first IVF and has gotten worse.

Indekiwi - That reminds me started doing the PFE as soon as I read your mail. 

Maya - Me too.

Wizard - You are one of the smart ones.


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

Hello ladies

Well I’m back in the UK with 3 blasts onboard.

4 embryos survived the thaw but only 3 made it to blast.

My lining was over 11mm and the ‘tri lamina’ was visible.

I was on 20mg prednisilone, but reduced this after 1 week to 10mg because I was swelling up with water retention. Prednisilon also lowers your natural immune and I was warned by the ACU lady that I would be more susceptible to germs/ill health and the doctor agreed that 10mg should be a sufficient dose, especially as I had already carried a child to full term without previous complications. I am feeling a bit silly now because I was so desperate to ‘throw everything at it’ after my recent miscarriage that I insisted on a higher dose.

I am also on a slightly higher estrogen dose, because at my miscarriage my estrogen has dropped suddenly, resulting in the lining of the womb giving way. I am therefore on 10mg proginova and a 100mg patch that I have to change every four days.

I am taking 100ml gemstone and I was informed to double the dose every other day.

Here is a point to ponder: at ACU I was informed by the Doctor that the estrogen increases the womb lining but the purpose of the progesterone is to separate the fine fibers making up this lining allowing for the embryos to embed themselves.

I was given a 40mg clexane injection two days before flying out and advised to stay on the aspirin.

ET went well, however because I was using donor eggs I wanted additional information from the clinic, but this was not forth coming. I was however alarmed to discover that another female patient who was booked in for ET on the same day was 38 years of age and that she had 28 eggs at EC and had decided on donating 20 of her eggs. I cannot stop wondering what the clinic propose to do with eggs of ‘that age’, surely various tests would have to be performed on them and the cost would make the donation seem not viable.  

ET was on 22/05 and my OTD is the 06/06.

Sorry about the ‘me’ post, I was not able to post from SA but I did manage to keep an eye on your progress and it was incredibly touching to read all the well wishes from so far away. Thank you FF xxx


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Tinklebunny, welcome home!  It sounds like you've done everything in your power to increase the likelihood of success - here's wishing you a happy and confident TWW and that one of those embies has found a comfortable place to embed and grow for the next nine months.      

A-Mx


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

thanks indekiwi


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Tinklebunny wishing you and your blasts lots of luck
L x


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

thank you JJ1, i asked you last about doing the clexan jabs, am finding them ok now, i'm doing an odd twist and just about managing to get them into my bottom. good luck with your lining xx


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Tinkelbunny - clexane is injected subcut and therefore can be injected into tummy....  Unless you're on about gestone??


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## Tinkelbunny (Jan 9, 2009)

minx is this old age or can i use the drugs as an excuse...it's gestone i'm injecting.


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Tinkelbunny...good luck    

xx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Tinklebunny I never did my ownb Gestone - well done I could managed my own clexane but that was it
L x


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