# Help with work?!



## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Hi, 

I need some help with where I stand at work. I've always been upfront with my boss about everything that has been going on with our fertility journey and meds that I'm on etc. I had a week on SSP that I signed myself off for thinking it would be enough but it wasn't and I couldn't cope anymore so went back to the doctor and was prescribed anti-depressants and another 2 weeks of SSP then I had a week holiday too. I've been coping a lot better since but I am having trouble with the tablets that i'm on. I am on Metformin too so am presuming it's them causing me trouble. I have chronic really bad stomach pains and diarrhea and feeling very sick too. I've only rang in sick once which is today but i've been struggling at work a lot  with the pain and constantly running to the toilet, it's not exactly nice! 

Anyway, he's not being very understanding anymore and is saying he's constantly talking to head office about my situation and what to do about my pay because "i'm there but not really there" and he got really funny at me on the phone saying i'm not helping myself. I am, I rang the hospital but they said they can't see me until August and I don't know what the doctor can do because it's not him that prescribed me the tablets.

I don't want to lose my job but I'm fed up of his attitude towards me, I can't help being ill and i'm never usually off! I'm not one of these people that gets a cold and rings in sick, I work through it but this I really can't work through! Now he's thretening me with councilling at work and possibly worse?! but surely he can't do that because i've told him everything and been upfront all the time, so is it really fair? 

Just want to know if any of you ladies have been in a similar situation? I'm really fed up and hate my boss right now  

Many thanks,

Carls xx


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## Dudders (Jun 18, 2012)

I'm not really sure hun - I think your best bet is to speak to someone likes ACAS or Citizen's Advice as they will be most up to date with current legalities.

Hope you feel better soon x  

Ooh PS ask your GP whether he can prescribe slow release metformin for you as some people do better with it than standard met


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

hey Carls

the conselling could be part of your companys long term sick policy - so dont see it as a threat. 
are you able to access your work policies? Its usual for managers to meet iwth staff if they are on long term sick to see if they can assist or help at all with things like counselling 
i'm not sure who you work for but defo give ACAS a call who will be able to help
xxxxx


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Thank you both for your reply.

Well he's been having a chat with me once a week to see how i'm coping with everything being back at work so I don't really understand what the councilling would be anyway? I feel like i'm being unfairly treated :/ will ask the GP about slow release Metformin at my next appointment, thanks xx


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## Ajbpepsi (Apr 14, 2013)

Hi Carls,

I posted something similar, but I got the post moved to a different board, when I find it again I will message you!

I am sorry you are having problems with work and your boss. I also am going through something similar right now with mine. It doesn't help though when you are not feeling well either. You are entitled to sick leave and to get the doctor to write a certificate. He is really saying some things to you that are way too personal and that he should not be saying to you. I also, like you opened up and told my boss a lot of things to make my life easy and also because I wanted to be honest, honesty felt like the best policy, and I still believe it is for me. However, now my boss says things like he knows too much about my personal life and I need to seperate work from personal.....incredibly difficult. Its not like I talk to him about it all the time and its not like I ever go in to any detail either! He just knows all this stuff because I was trying to be open and honest when I had appointments. Perhaps it back fired on me a little bit, but I don't see how I could have handled this differently. I presume your boss is a man? Mine is also - and perhaps they really have no experience of all this and this is another reason why they handle it so badly.....unfortunetly what you are going through, and what I have gone through and what I have researched and read that other people are going through is starting to be more common, sadly....

I did some research into all this and found this website as well:

http://www.equalityhumanrights.com/advice-and-guidance/before-the-equality-act/guidance-for-employers-pre-october-10/guidance-on-managing-new-and-expectant-parents/quick-checklists-for-employers/fertility-treatment/

If you read this, you will see that work if they are not careful how they are treading with you can enfringe on your human rights.

Obviously, no one wants to go down this line, of complaining to HR, legal action etc....you do have to be very careful. But for your own mind you should understand your policies and what you are entitled to. I am still in this process of finding out too. I don't know if your company has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) - if so you could also phone them and ask for advice - they are confidential and should not report back your questions to your company - I also did this and spoke to a lawyer who told me about the Human rights act.....

I also spoke to someone on the infertility charity website and she directed me to this: http://www.infertilitynetworkuk.com/uploaded/Fact%20Sheets/Employment%20Issues.pdf Which was useful to read too....

I don't know what the counselling will entail - if they are independant company then it might be really useful. I am still having counselling now after my miscarriage and I highly reccommend it.....she has made me believe in myself, and she uses meditation techniques to relax me, and its really working a lot, so it could also really help you....

I hope things get better soon and your boss gets better too!

AJ xx


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Hi Ajbpepsi,

Thank you so much for your reply and all your advice, yes my boss is a man but he should be more understanding because his sister has been through a similar situation! Anyway, I will check out the websites you have reccommended and I am in the process of writing a letter to HR just to give them my point of view instead of them always talking to my boss and not me! I also feel that me being honest to my boss has backfired on me too! I thought it would make my life easier being able to talk to him and explain everything but I feel he's just chucking it back in my face. It's so hard when I want to work and not be lounging around at home but there is a big difference between "can't work" and "won't work"

Thank you again! 

Carls xx


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Well i've been signed off work again for another 2 weeks with stomach issues :/ I feel so useless! Doctor doesn't think it's the Metformin but he doesn't know what it is so I have more blood tests tomorrow, he actually asked if I was pregnant   he must be crazy! It'd be a bloody miracle!!! 

Any advice for feeling useless?! 

Carls xx


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## Tiffanymi (Jan 18, 2013)

Hi, perhaps this is too late but please ask your HR. I'm not sure of your country legalities. In our country and to my knowledge, even if someone has a sick note. If you have used up alot of leave or it becomes a pattern and is affecting your work ultimately, you can eventually go to an incapacity hearing, which basically means it is not your fault that you are sick, but the company is unable to sustain it. Not fair always, but is a eight in my country. Unless someone falls under a specific condition which is debilitating for 3 months. Eg TB, clinical depression. It's not always fair, just sometimes what companies can do. However, some managers are more understanding than others, and some have to address this via policy. 

Hope this helps but all the best and hope you feel better.


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## KS1 (Sep 15, 2012)

I think you are very brave telling work, I have hidden it in my jobs and its been so hard, when I have needed time off I have had to make something up as I was told the law only protects pregnancy and not IVF so there is no protection from employers laying you off etc. Because you've had the counselling etc, you probably have a case and they would now be on dodgy ground if they were to question your job, so I wouldnt worry to much, I wish we could all be more open though and we were protected more x


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