# Sadly These Things Happen Sometimes ...



## Dee (Jan 27, 2003)

Hello Everyone

This is a post that I am very very sad to have to write but we, the FF Management Team, feel that it is only fair that we explain (without going into very personal detail) some unusual happenings over the last few days.

Before I go any further please let me assure you that what I am about to explain is very rare.  I have been around on here for over 5 years and this is not the norm.

An existing and recurring (has had more than one account) member of FF recently posted on the boards that she was terminally ill.  Every member who knew the said member was very supportive towards her.
Recently, her illness rapidly progressed - to the point where she was hours away from death.
Sadly, it appears that the whole illness was a hoax and that she made it up to seek attention.

She may be suffering from something but it certainly is not what she diagnosed her self with and shared with you all.

Several of you posted on a prayer thread for this member, where her "friend" was giving us updates.  Sadly, this wasn't the case - the member herself was posting as her "friend".

I know that so many of you are sad, angry, frustrated and disappointed to have been "duped".

Let us hope that the member can get the help and support that she needs to overcome her true illness and be a good mother to her little child.

The member in question has now had their account deleted and the FF Management Team will make every endeavour to ensure that this member does not rejoin our community.

If you would like to talk about this with me, then please do not hesitate to send me an IM and I will reply to you as soon as I can.

Dee
xxx


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## outspan3 (Jan 22, 2006)

if your talking about who I think you are I followed her link and at times felt that her posts where somewhat 'iffy'. I didn't mention anything as didn't want to be perceived as being rotten.

sad that some people feel the need to gain attention in this way


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## **Tashja** (Jan 13, 2005)

Thanks for explaining this Admin.

Part of me is thinking what a sick b!tch she must be but then the other half is slightly understanding she is ill  

Will read that link but in all honesty, if anyone has her address, I would consider reporting her to SS as god knows what she is doing to her little boy if she can tell lies like that (if she does indeed have a little boy) 

Sorry if I offend but I am angry for the hurt she must have caused.

T xx


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## ❣Audrey (Aug 22, 2008)

I did wonder where the thread had gone.  I hope that she can get the help that she needs xxx


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Something started to feel iffy with me too.  I have had quite a lot of contact with her and have had IM conversations etc.  I had a niggle, but i suppose i wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I feel very let down and disappointed, but Dee is right, she is obviously very ill and i hope she gets the help she needs.  I wonder how much of her other postings were fake too? i.e. about her infertility....

Very sad, although obviously pleased to hear that she is not at deaths door.

thanks, Tony.


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

thanks for the post Dee. 

I feel very concerned for her little boy, and would completely agree with Tasha. To be honest I think her infertility does exist but warning bells started to ring, for me, when she supposedly had her miscarrage at the beginning of the year, the posts just read oddly and I was suspicious then and shared my concerns with a couple of other ff's. Equally when the cancer thing begun I was CERTAIN she was making it up. 

I never accepted a ******** friend offer from her as I never felt comfortable with the thought of her knowing some of my personal information. 

I am glad this is all over, I feel very sorry for her but also VERY angry after watching other members on here genuinely go through the personal heart ache of terminal illness.

Lou x


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Do you know the more i think about this the crosser i'm getting... not with her, it is clear she has some issues.

But with me for not listening to those niggles, and for mentally smacking my own hand for thinking that someone could make up something that awful.

 its a very sad thing.


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## **Tashja** (Jan 13, 2005)

Sally

I feel like a grade A tit too so I am guessing these feelings are normal.

I am more angry though about the hurt she has caused others - I am also upset because last night I nearly PM'd "Janet" to point her in the direction of Ritzi's thread about losing her friend in the hope she could get some support   I feel sick at the thought that she might have then read that and used the info to extend her lies.  

I feel angry that people have been/going through this and she lied.  
I am angry and cannot make my mind accept that she is ill - I am still thinking she is a totally sick excuse for a humanbeing.

Sorry again 

T xx


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## viviennef (Feb 22, 2005)

OMG I can't believe this. I never posted on her thread but recently read it and felt so awful for her and her little boy. How could she do something like that! I was looking for the thread the other day and wondered where it had gone. Thanks for updating us.

Viv


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## daycj (May 11, 2004)

Oh dear what a shame particularly as this site has been invaluable in it's support to us all.  The one thing that is clear is that she is obviously very unwell and unstable and maybe deserves a little sympathy for that.  We've all been made total fools of but I'd like to think it was done through something else other than pure wickedness.  

If she is the person I am thinking she is then I met her at a Holly House meet when I was pregant and she sat opposite me at the meal.  She showed me a photo of her little boy so let's hope that was true.  

I am totally shocked but also saddened.  Makes me realise just how damm lucky I am to be "normal" if that's what i am!


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## MummytoKeira (Jan 5, 2005)

To be honest this incident has made me feel very wary of FF, ** infact the whole internet thing!!!! How did this come to light? ...I am so angry that someone (ill or not) could do this....there are many other ways of gaining attention.

Emma


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

I think it would be a great shame if this put people off the site - it's a hugely valuable resource, and as Dee pointed out at the beginning, a very rare occurence.

It is very sad, and I suspect it came to light as things were starting to look a little suspect. (correct me if i'm wrong...)

I gotta be honest i don't use ******** - I think there is way too much visible info on that (if you choose to put it on).


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## GAIL M (Apr 26, 2003)

Huge hugs to Mel & Tony & the mods that the site has been abused in this way   and to the girls who gave her their support. 

I didn't actually post on her thread as I had a strange feeling about it and something was holding me back posting.
Think it was to do with her change of user name, then things were'nt too good with her hubby (think its the same person), then the miscarriage, now this. If it is the same person I'm thinking abouts - she's been on the site a long time! 

Anyway, thanks for the update, 
Gail x


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Hello everybody

As well as the ghastlyness of the whole situation I feel so sad to read that some of you are feeling almost like you were silly etc etc to not see through this, or to have posted even when you weren't sure. Oww - please, please try not to feel like that. I believe it is always best to err on the side of caution with these things. Far far better to have offerred the support and it be a con, than not respond and it be needed. Hope that makes sense  .

We're kind and supportive people - and there should never be anyting about that that makes us feel daft in anyway.   Angry, sad etc - absolutely, but not silly or cross with ourselves


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## ❣Audrey (Aug 22, 2008)

I have to agree Emma - I remember coming up against someone else like this a while back ( I believe she joined many ttc and parenting sites)- who made up a story about a baby with 12 toes, poorly hubby and all the rest, and although it's so easy to feel so cheated by it all, I think everyone on FF should be proud of themselves because no matter what doubts they had they still continued to offer support to this person xxx


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## mumoneday (Jul 13, 2007)

Thanks for the explanation - I can't believe I've been in tears over her alleged illness this week. i hope she gets the help she needs - it's sickening to think that some people actually are battling with illnesses at the moment. I thought it was a bit strange how she went from nearly dying to being able to respond to texts overnight. What a shame she feels the need to seek attention this way.


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## ckhayes (Nov 7, 2006)

To be honest I'm heartbroken that someone can be so cruel.  It really affected me, but what concerns me more is that I asked Lizzy if we could set up a fund for her and her family. My suspicions started when "Janet" came on the thread, they typed using the dot dot dot (....) and finshed with two kisses xx.  Oh and the fact we could text her   

I felt silly not realising sooner but it isn't something id have thought anyone would lie about.  I just hope that none suffers through her lies in that we are now suspicious of people. 

Take care and its nice to know we are all there for each other.

I hope she gets the help she need.

Clare x x


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## Stars* (Sep 27, 2007)

Have been reading this thread off and on all day, have to say, although i never met her, i think she is mentally ill, def needs help

im also concerned about her little boy too, hopefully she goes to her gp and asks for help. She must realise what she has done is wrong.

Everyone that is feeling silly for believing it, dont be, its not you fault, you are all very supportive.

I think what she has done in my opionion is utterly unforgiveable and disgusting, but i do realise that she is mentally ill, i hope she realises this too

Lisa xxx


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

Just sending everyone on the site who's affected by this big  

There's so much evidence against this sick individual that it could never be denied, and any denying of it just digs that hole deeper. I just pray she gets the help she needs and gets it soon. 

x


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

I think I might have pm'd her ..can't think   but agree its horrible to have something like this happen on FF's and agree that she really does need help .. and I hope she seeks it as there are obviously a lot of problems there underneath it all  

Cat x


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## Hayleigh (Apr 29, 2008)

Hi I have just been reading through this thread..... and OMG   I never came across this individual or her posts thank goodness, but its such a sad sad shame some one would abuse this fantastic site......x   and the wonderful people that use it.....


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## MummytoKeira (Jan 5, 2005)

ElaineW said:


> It was the fact mine and Suemj's messages were deleted off ******** straight away because her family werent aware of her illness--what utter tripe.
> Then it materialises her father who she buried the other week is in fact alive and well. Thats sick.


It gets worse.....I am really worried about the child Does anyone know where she lives? Or are having contact with her?


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## Janis18 (Aug 30, 2004)

I was also 'taken in' by this made up story (via other avenues though, not on here) and am actually feeling pleased none of it was true.
I just hope she's able to get the help she obviously needs at this time and never feels the desire to do anything like it again.


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## kitten1 (Jan 1, 2007)

I 'think' I know who this is about and while I am angry they saw fit to play on the kindness of FF members, I am pretty sure that this is a very lonely and 'sick' person.

I sincerely hope they are able to get the help and support they need.


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## Cheshire Cheese (Apr 19, 2005)

Not got a clue who this is, but who ever it was will cry wolf one to many times.

Needs a good kick up the A$"*.

Sick

Cheese


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## Hun (Jul 14, 2003)

I too had my suspicions.

It is true that she does need some help and must be a very lonely and insecure person. For that reason I don't feel any malice towards her, but it does disturb me that her son is being bought up with someone who cannot deal with life in the real world, and needs to create some imaginary one. 

If you are reading this, please seek some professional help.


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## sarahc (Mar 26, 2003)

I have stayed away from my computer for the last 24hrs due to this, just feeling a little vulnerable and exposed to believing what someone writes.
I am back and feeling less so, but more angry that a 'friend' could put genuine, caring people through a story like that.

She definatley needs some help for her and for her little boy and I hope that she seeks it or someone can pint her in the right direction to recieve it.

Thankyou to FF management for letting us know x x


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

I had not seen the thread in question, this is the first I have heard of it, but I just wanted to send a huge hug to all of our lovely members who have been affected by this.

I, like everyone else hope she gets help and doesn't use other means to get attention.  I am also seriously worried about her child (if he indeed exists, you never know what to believe).  My first fear when I read this post and heard that she had a child was the risk of Munchausen syndrome by proxy.  I hope I am just being over dramatic.

We have over 26,000 registered members, and all active ones are loving and supportive to each other and go out of their way to help others on this difficult journey.  I wouldn't like the behaviour of one, a miniscule percentage of our members, to ruin such a wonderful (and essential) site.

Love and hugs to all

Sue


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## Just a girl (Mar 6, 2008)

I too didn't know about the person in question, but please don't feel silly for being sucked in by it all.  This story makes me feel a little sick as I had an experience with an ex work colleague, she faked a whole entire pregnancy which she said ended by saying with the baby died on delivery (she was extremely overweight so it easy to fake being pg) she took time off of work for scans etc and had even acquired a scan pic from somewhere? I cried and grieved over that baby and even sent her a card!  It was only when she refused to allow anyone to attend the funeral a friend got really suspicious and started to do a little digging which uncovered the very sad truth.  It turns out she had lied about many other things too!  It still makes me angry and this incident happened about 9years ago, but I do understand how ill she must of been!

It is just in our nature to take things people tell us at face value unless we have real reason not to believe it.  If we didn't our experiences on here wouldn't be so positive.


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## cleg (Jun 27, 2006)

well i was well + truely sucked in by this + was extremely shocked + disgusted to recieve a TXT y'day to let me know what had come to light

i was very upset for her thinking that she was lying in a hospital bed very weak + feel gutted to the core that someone could seek attention like this + have us supporting her through her lie

it does make you wonder when you are communicating with people over the internet how true their words are BUT then i think that i have met some fantastic people on FF so dont let this incident tarnish what we have on here

xxx


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## sanjo (Sep 8, 2006)

Girls

I had read the thread in question the other day & have been thinking of the girl and her family since - ive just logged on (and looking for an uppdate & obviously couldnt find it) to read this and i really cant believe that someone would lie about something as serious as this.  In a way am glad that its not true and that this wee boy isnt being left motherless but at the same time feeling a little taken in.  I didnt post on the thread as i felt i couldnt say anything to make this person feel better but stilll feel foolish for thinking about her all week when it wasnt true.

Just as a final thought - we are truely amazing and caring people & its because we care & really feel for our FFs that we were "taken in"

Love to all

Sandra x


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## Dee Jay (Jan 10, 2005)

I read the original thread and very nearly replied to it, until I read that she had breast cancer and then to top that she'd had a cardiac arrest and then miraculously suddenly recovered and that's when I smelt a rat and decided not to reply, it just didn't seem real. 
I am astounded that someone could be so sick and write such utter nonsense especially when there are genuine FF's who are dealing with illness. This person needs to seek help as she is obviously very ill, if she's reading this then I urge her to seek professional help,

I for one will still be on FF just as regularly as for me personally FF has been a real support, and I met my bestest buddy on here, and I do think that this case of "duping" is a one off,

lol
D
xxx


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## Scouse (Aug 9, 2007)

I too did a 'search' for this missing thread for an update...........

i was duped but I think it says more about ourselves offering prayers and support to a 'stranger'  (especially if you were suspicious) than it does about her.

She is obviously not well - but we are still 'good friends' even if it is to our cyber friends.

Don't be angry be proud of yourselves !
And   the lady in question gets real help and the support she obviously needs!


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## Cate1976 (Oct 29, 2007)

I posted on the thread, some of you may ahve seen the last few posts of mine.  I looked for the thread just now and couldn't find it so thought I'd come to site news.  I really do think that she needs help and I agree that her DS could be at risk and SS should be informed.  There was a similar case on another website I go on a couple of years ago and the person spun a huge web of lies and was eventually found out.  She claimed to have a LO born very prem.


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

could a mod please contact me

as you all probably know my best friend Rhian died of cancer last friday  (thread on relationships board)

i have been PM'd by a FF who was claiming she had cancer etc - and am now very concerned that she may have tricked me at my most vulnerable time 

thanks, ritzi 

dee - i have just PMd you.


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## beachgirl (Jun 7, 2007)

Ritzi   thinking of you x


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## Janis18 (Aug 30, 2004)

Ritzi, I have been following your awful journey and want to send you my love and hugs at this awful time. You are the very best friend Rhian could ever have dreamed of and I am sure she is up there thinking the same
XXXXXXX


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

thank you kim for your kind PM - i certainly was concerned to see this thread today as i had no idea what this woman was doing  

what a bizarre thing for this woman to do   thankfully i ignored all but the first PM i recieved as i was dealing with Rhian being so sick and couldn't offer any support at the time. 

thank you beachgirl and janis for your kind words  

some people do some silly things - and i do hope she gets the medical attention she probably needs for her mental health 

ritzi


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## Dee (Jan 27, 2003)

Hi All

I just wanted to pop by to send all of you who need it a big hug.  

Ritzi, I have IMed you hun  

Please all be assured that the FF Management Team has take all possible steps to ensure that the person in question never returns to our site.

Dee
xxx


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## maybe tomorrow (Jul 5, 2008)

Hello All,
I have been reading this post and feel that I have to reply...
What a terrible thing for a person to do; especially on a wonderful site like this that has SO many genuinely nice caring people - even tho most of us on here are going through their own personal crisis and some of them have been doing so for years.
I had a friend (funnily enough, called Janet, God rest her soul  ) who I used to work with - she had Breast Cancer and sadly passed away...her ex husband re-married and his new wife "pretended" to have Cancer also...it was cruel and such a terrible thing to do. How can ppl do it - this person must be ill; whoever she is...I hope that she gets help.
This site is an amazing place with lots of wonderful people,and wonderful advice is available, lets not let that one person spoil what we have here.   
Lots of Love
Karen
xxx


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## CAREbear1 (May 15, 2005)

Hi
I felt I had to post and speak in support of FF. I know some of you feel silly for having offered support to this 'ill' person. Please don't and don't withdraw your help and support for others. Try and think of it that if she were genuinely ill, how much you would have helped her. You aren't the silly ones, she is. When I lost my twins prematurely a few years ago and was having other tough things in my life too, there was one person posting and did on my thread claiming to have had numerous miscarriages and was found not to have. I was so upset at the time that someone would claim to be going through this when I was at the lowest point of my life because of the happenings. (she was banned as soon as management knew about it) BUT I still remember to this day the enormous support and help I received from the support of genuine caring people on this site, Dee was one of them! and that will stay with me for the rest of my life. Its like free therapy and enormous hugs all in one! There are thousands on this site now, so many wonderful caring people who have probably helped so many people on their journeys. I think you should all be proud of yourselves, and Tony and Mel for being 'Mummy and Daddy' to all you wonderful genuine FF.
Sending you all a big hug and I hope this post will help a bit Ritzi. You should feel especially proud for the support you gave your friend, and feel comforted by the warmth and love you received on here. I'm so sorry she did this and I'm sure you are very upset by it. She is obviously ill in a different way and needs help from somewhere other than FF.
Amanda


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## pobby (Jun 2, 2005)

hi everyone
just wanted to add, I was duped by a close friend last year..she told me her father had died suddenley. I did all the normal supportive things a friend does..she had begun to get very attention seekeing and the long and the short of it was that it was all made up..I was absolutely horrified and found out the news from another friend the day i had an egg collection. I have to be honest I was absolutely furious and have cut her out completely. I know she is sickand needs help but when you have given someone so much emotional and practical support and they repay you with something like that..well, i could never trust her again and actually, i still think about it sometimes and cant believe she did it.
This site is so big now and sadly, not everyone on here is going to be genuine..however, the very vast majority are kind and caring supportive individuals..please no-one change..the truth is these people are quite adept at spinning these webs of deceit..it would be so sad if we as a collective measured our responses to someone in need when they genuinely need us..it is  a horrible feeling to be duped like this but    lets treat it as the one off in an amazing site and carry on our support for each other.
  to you all that have had dealings with this woman.
pobby xx


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## Tina xx (Aug 30, 2006)

I girls, I just wanted to add that I had been duped by someone that I thought was a "Friend". Although I never met them (thankfully), we both had PCOS - so she says - and we got chatting one day. We also made friends with another pcos sufferers. This "friend" I will call Sarah, had to have one of her ovaries removed and had suffered a miscarrage (so she said) She also registered to the site we were using in another name and started bullying a friend of ours and then came on as Sarah and offered this friend loads of support. Long story short, one of our other friends went to Sarah's house and caught her logged on to the site as the bully   She was also complaing of pains in the ovary that she had said she had removed   It all came to a head and we all cut Sarah from our lives - not wanting to have someone like that around anymore. About 6 months or so later, we all received an email from Sarah's mum saying that she had sadly passed away and had even placed a memorial on a site called gone too soon. It turns out that she hadn't passed away and one of her friends that had no clue what she was doing had been contacted by someone that had been told that Sarah had died. This friend was really angry and got her to remove her memorial   Why do people do this? I'm just so sick of people thinking that they can behave like this and think that their actions have no consequences


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## dippy3 (Oct 19, 2005)

Hi I just wanted to add. I never posted thankfully on the thread but read it I was so upset as to what was happening to her and her little boy. I have just seen this today as I had logged on to see how she was doing. I know she must have some illness to have done this. (I really hope this is the case) As if not she is one very very cruel person. The reason I Had found it so heart breaking was because I had watched my mother die from breast cancer 15 years ago it was a very painful degrading death. And I feel that this person has took a terrible terrible diesease that destroys peoples lives and of those around them and has just laughed in the faces of everyone who has suffered from breast cancer or any terminal diesease. 
To everyone lots of  
It has also made me wary of what to tell people now but understand also how much FF helps.
Love
Donna


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## bagpuss1 (Feb 26, 2005)

Hi,

I have spent quite a while searching for the lady in question to check on how she was getting on- only to find this. 

It really does sadden me that someone would feel so desparate that she has created such a fantasy world around her. I can only imamgine that she must be quite disturbed at the moment as her thirst for increasing attention has finally driven her to this. 

Yes, i do feel duped by this lady and have been truely concerned for her throughout this imaginary battle with this "illness". I dont think, however, that she sounds as though she has a mental illness though and I am quite guarded about offering her this label. I do however feel that she has been very manipulative and has taken advantage of the love and support that has been offered by everyone all over this site.

Please do not feel foolish about helping this person out, she has fooled all of us, but quite obviously got so carried away that she forgot that the mods are intelligent people who are capable of sussing individuals like this out! Any copycats (if any at all, and hopefully not) be ware!!!!!

Kerry


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

It's just occured to me that some of you lovely ladies were in touch with her, had met her and had telephone conversations etc.  Have you heard from her?  I'd be very interested to hear what she has to say...


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## MummytoKeira (Jan 5, 2005)

Me too....can't believe she thought she could get away with it...being "friends" with people on here!!!!


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## sanjo (Sep 8, 2006)

sallywags said:


> It's just occured to me that some of you lovely ladies were in touch with her, had met her and had telephone conversations etc. Have you heard from her? I'd be very interested to hear what she has to say...


This has crossed my mind this morning (cant stop thinking about this) I know i have chatted & met some lovely ladies and was wondering if the "lady" in question had too 

Sandra xxx


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

sanjo - i know she was 'friends' with quite a few people on here - and even met up with some of them.


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## sanjo (Sep 8, 2006)

Sally - thats just so awful, i cant believe that someone would do that sort of thing. I honestly dont know how she could meet FFs and be like its all real - how strange! People are just so cruel to tell this sort of lie esp when honest & true FF are going tho hart times and taking time to sympathise with her.


sallywags said:


> sanjo - i know she was 'friends' with quite a few people on here - and even met up with some of them.


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## Marielou (Oct 18, 2003)

I met her and talked to her on the phone on numerous occasions  - and she has cut all contact, and I know a few others she has spoken to in 'real life' and she has also cut contact with them too.


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## ckhayes (Nov 7, 2006)

I'd like to find out if she did it maliciously or she is indeed sick in the head  

The stuff I can remember who writing is amazing though, she had me well and truly believing till the last couple of days.  

Clare x


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## sarahc (Mar 26, 2003)

I had contact with her via text - just chit chat but never actually spoke to her. 
At the time of her supposed surgery her BIL asked me to be his friend via **, his reasons were to be friends with as many of hers, I naively assumed that it was to keep us updated with her progress, so I accepted and on the day of her 'surgery' I sent him a msg wishing her and all the family well   and 'he' then sent me her number so I text her my wishes which is how we had swapped numbers.
He now no longer exists on my ** friends   neither does she, so I can only assume that she had made him up too and it was infact her    Since I discovered this I lean more to the thought that she isn't sick 

Considering how she tricked us all with her cruel lie, and we offered her support, prayers and love, I am not sure I want to make contact and even if I was too would I never believe what she said  
x x x x


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