# Probably a stupid question



## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Following our 3rd BFN we are now tentatively dipping our toe into other waters and my DH has surprised me by saying he wants to look into adoption.  This is a surprise because back at the beginning he was adamant that he couldn't adopt!   Anyway, it now appears he's been thinking and when we were with my Nephew (3) last week he thought that he loves him with all his heart and he could love another little child just as much even if it wasn't his own.  I've always been happy to consider adoption and after 3 BFN's I do know I can't just keep doing tx, I don't have the emotional resources to keep coping with the negatives. 

Anyway, sorry this is long-winded!   My question is, how come you can adopt through Social Services or an Adoption Agency and what are the pros and cons of both?  Sorry I told you it was a daft question, but I just don't know what the difference is and why you'd pick one over the other. 

Thanks  

Axxx


----------



## NuttyJo (Jun 29, 2007)

I dont think that was a silly question as I have been wondering the same thing. Would be good to know what everyone thinks 

sorry for crashing the thread! 

jo x


----------



## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

jo_robinson01 said:


> I dont think that was a silly question as I have been wondering the same thing. Would be good to know what everyone thinks
> 
> sorry for crashing the thread!
> 
> jo x


Don't be sorry  I feel better now I know someone else doesn't know too!

Axxx


----------



## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Mandy - Hello and welcome, you have been a massive support to me regarding other subjects in the past, I am so sorry to read about your BFN.

Others will be able to answer better than me, we are with our LA (Kent) however I am sure you can adopt through private organisations too.

All the very very best.

Fiona


----------



## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi, 
Briefly, local authorities (LA) (and you don't have to go with the closest one to you...they will often accept you up to 50 miles away) approve adopters and it is through the LA's that all children in this country come up for adoption. Adoption agencies (also known as voluntary agencies VA's), are run by the voluntary sector and can be faith based although not always. They can approve you to adopt and often have excellent post adoption support but do not directly have any children to place with you. Most LA's will place their 'easy' to place children with adoptors that they have approved (i.e. younger children with no disabilities etc) those children that don't get placed with adoptors approved by the LA may well end up being placed with adoptors approved by VA's although could also be placed with adopters approved by other LA's.
When we were looking into all of this we got info from both LA's and VA's and we felt that the advantage of the LA's were that we would be more likely to get placed quicker as we knew we wanted one or two children under 5, however VA's seemed to give better post adoptive support.
Hope this helps a bit!
Viva
XXX


----------



## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

my experience is that the LA (local authorities) take longer than a (VA) Voluntary agency - though this is probably dependent on area you live in etc....

LA's also tend to say 'we have no babies etc' just 'older children' ie 5 years and above.

we are with a VA  -  and unlike our local LA's have babies waiting for adoption - and while the LA said it would take a year - Our VA aims for 8 months from start to finish......although we don't want a baby we wanted to keep our options open so we chose them - and also they were much less strict on not having tx for 6-12 months......lots of LA say you MUST wait before adoption while 
Our VA were very relaxed about this (we did tx in april and started in july)....


Our VA also have a good after adoption service compared to our LA

hth, ritz.


----------



## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Thanks Viva and Ritzi for your help, I understand now thanks! 

We're not looking to start the process for about 6-12 months anyway because we need some "chill out" time first after all this treatment.  We're just really wanting to start to get an understanding of how it all works. 

Thanks again

Axxxx


----------



## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Amanda sending you and your dh big  i'm so sad you got a bfn   i was really hoping it was going to be your turn hun  chill out time will probably do you the world of good though as it did us   then we were able to start the adoption process with a clear head 

pam xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Amanda- So sorry to hear of your negative result, I really hoped it would work for you both.  
Thanks for all your advice and sensible support that you give everyone on here.

L x


----------



## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Amanda

Will PM you hun

xxx


----------



## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

Amanda - it might be worth sending off for an info pack now even if you dont read it.  We did this and had another cycle so when it failed we spoke to LA and they already had our details and therefore our process went quite quickly.

albeit changed since!!

so sorry to hear your news. 

xxx


----------



## NUTTYRAYFIELD (Sep 7, 2007)

Hi Hope you dont mind just gatecrashed your page. We have had 2 failed IVF tests and are thinking of adopting, The information around the LA and VA was really helpful would it be them we would contact for an info page and is it standard to have to wait 6 months before applying?

many Thanks
sharon


----------



## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Sharon

Not every La or VA "makes" you wait any set period of time however you need to show them that you are "over ttc" 

I can only advise you of what we did- we spent 2yrs while having tx getting infomation packs from differant LA and VA's - once we made the decision to adopt we contacted some LAs for more upto date info and then choose the LA we went with.

It took DH and i 5months to make the final decision after our 1 and only ivf cycle. and once we did i emailed our LA and spoke to them within 2 days.

Good luck

M J
x


----------



## NUTTYRAYFIELD (Sep 7, 2007)

Hi M J

Thanks for the email i have emailed a few places so hope to get some information through,
I Like your buddy tyler we also have a dog called jess and she is great for helping to take your mind of things.
Hope you get your family soon
Take care
Sharon 
x


----------

