# I feel so sad. Don't know where else to turn



## surfgirl82 (Sep 24, 2011)

Hi all,
I've not posted here before. Have lurked for a month or so and read some really useful things. I don't know if I'm in the right bit so I apologise if this post isn't. I am lucky to have a 9yr old who I had when I was 20. Now older and married and trying for a baby- sods law it's been nothing but heartache. We are a gay couple and ttc with a donor via A.I. Started out all excited last April, got lucky first time and had a miscarriage. It took me until just after xmas to feel ok again. We tried several times but no luck. Even tried a different donor for a couple of months. Nothing happened. 

I went to the GP as my thyroid has been 5 since last aug. It's borderline underactive but not enough to require treatment. Although GP is awaiting confirmation from an endocrinologist. My anti bodies were good so it looks ok. I started spotting mid cycle a few months ago which has got worse. I've had an issue with spotting several days before my period since last year but the GP didnt seem worried. 
Anyway I had progesterone tests done which were low but we werent sure whether they were taken 7dpo (one was 7.5 but I started my period early just 2 days after the test. The next was 29.1).

Then in Feb I had another miscarriage quite early on, it's possibly more of a chemical pregnancy. I had bloods done on day 3 and the GP said they were good.
I am spotting mid cycle for several days and last week went for day 18 progesterone (Tues) to capture if I'd ovulated early, they were low so I was booked in for Friday for day 21. On thurs I started spotting! Gaahhhh!!!!! I was sat there with my bruised arms just thinking this is pointless, I'll need a blood transfusion at this rate!

I've spotted a small amount every day since thurs. I've tried to kid myself on that it's implantation spotting but deep down I know it's not even near a happy outcome. I am going for a scan next week as the GP wants to rule out polyps or anything that may be causing the mid cycle spotting- it should be called two week spotting!

I just feel so crushed. My wife thinks it will all be ok but I just feel like I've let her down so much. I haven't spoken to my friends as a lot of them are pregnant or have babies and I find it too hard to be around them. I feel so horrible and guilty for feeling that way. I lay awake at night crying, it hurts so much. My arms hurt from all the blood tests, the spotting is driving me insane and I just think my baby would of been three months old now, and I'd of been going for a 12 week scan soon, but instead I'm going to find out if there's something wrong. 

Sorry for such a long post. I just don't know where else to turn


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

(hug)


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## surfgirl82 (Sep 24, 2011)

Thanks goldbunny   good luck for your scan- I noticed the date on your signature x


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## 2ndtimeround (Feb 8, 2012)

hun, i dont have the words to say but thinking of you and writing on here has really helped me so much. i have had really really dark days but then here people been so supportive. wishing you all the best, here if you need me.


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