# Sorry not to have been around for while but....



## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

girls, I've had a very strange time since I was last here. I went back to work in early November, and it was hellish; bumps, breastfeeding mothers sitting through inspection feedbacks, you name it.... But then, in late November, completely out of the blue, I found out I was pregnant; somehow, we'd managed this all by oursleves. We were happy, but at the same time we'd worked so hard at coming to terms with not being parents, and carved out a good plan for a different kind of future, it took us a few weeks to adjust, and during this time I just didn't know what to write as I didn't want to seem ungrateful in front of you guys, so it seemed better not to write till I knew where I was at. Then Christmas took over. Then yesterday, at 10+4 and going for a scan, after a no bleed, smooth ride thus far, I find out that, just like last time, the baby had died 2 and half weeks ago, but my body didn't have a clue and carried on behaving as if I were pregnant. So I sit here writing to you with a dead baby in my belly waiting to go into hospital for another d+c, not knowing how I'm going to get past this. Last time I was devestated but I felt I had fight left to build a different life for us. Now I feel that all I am being washed away. My only consolation is that now that I have had 3 miscarraiges they are going to do some tests. I'm so mad, I begged for an early scan but because unlike last time I wasn't bleeding, they wouldn't see me. I know that many of you have been through much worse, and I remain humbled by your stories, but girls, I could really use a cheery word or two if you have any to spare.....  

Leoarna xxxxxxx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Leoarna

i read this and didnt wanna just pass through without saying how very sorry i am to hear this sad news - sending you massive hugs

i really wish i had something toi say that could help ease your pain

massive hugs

Mez
xxxx


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## pipkin (Jan 14, 2005)

My God Leoarna I am just so sorry to hear this - how absolutely heartbreaking. You certainly don't have to justify your absence to us sweetheart.

Please accept my sincere sympathy at this sad time. There really is nothing one can say to make this heartache go away. I really hope you get some answers to your recurrent miscarriages - it is just awful that you have had to go through this _again_ for them to sit up and do some tests despite you asking for an early scan. If you really are not coping well then please go to your GP Leo to get some help - perhaps something to help you sleep?

I am so very sad for you.

Lots of love 
P xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## pink panther (May 4, 2005)

So sorry to hear about your devastating news.
I'm utterly amazed that they didn't get you in for early scans when you should have been a priority.
It's so hard to know what to say at this awful time. You know we're always here for you.
Lots of love to you and dh
Sending you huge hugs  
pp xxx


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Leoarna I'm so very, very sorry for your loss words fail me.

flipper


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Thanks everyone, it's so heartwarming when you're hertbroken to be amongst you all.

Leoarna xxx


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## jomac (Oct 27, 2006)

Dear Leonora
I am so very sorry to hear about your loss.
I can't imagine what you are feeling at the moment.
I think that all you can do for now is get through your D and C and take it a day at a time and let you and yourself physically get better.
A visit to your GP sounds like a good idea.
Sending you and your DH lots of love

Emma/Jo


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## bell (May 17, 2005)

Hi 

Just a small note to say i know how you feel 100%, as l have now had my third miscarrage the same as you my first was not IVF and my last one with drugs and now this one on xmas day with a natural fet, its so hard i just wanted to say that i am thinking of you and i am sending loads of hugs to you, look after each other,      

Bell


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Dear Leoarna

So so so so so sorry for your loss. This is such sad news and i feel so much for the both of you. I am saddened by the fact that you had to go through this and having to deal with this devastating news.

My heart really goes out to you both..

Lots of love astridxx


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## flamingo (Aug 3, 2005)

Sending you masses of love and a very very big hug.

Flamingo
xxx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Leoanora,

Just to say I am thinking of you at this hard time. 
XOX
Jq


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Not surprisingly I've been awake for hours, feeling physically sick at the prospect of going through the d+c today. I have so much anger, so many questions. That consultant, who could have agreed to me being scanned early, is really going to get it in the ear today! Still, yesterday afternoon I got fired up and did some reseach, spoke to my clinic, found a counsellor in Devon who specialises in people like us, and booked myself on to Meredith's workshop for next weekend. Doing something positive for myself has helped, but as whenever you gain more knowledge, I know realise even more how important it was that I was monitored early, and that if I'd just gone private for the tests last time I might have avoided this. 

I'm brokenhearted for my kids and us, but will not rest till I've got an answer.


Love to all of you,

Leoarna xxx


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

Leoarna

Thinking of you today, you are so brave.  It never ceases to amaze me what some people have to go thro' and how they actually cope.  Just remember there are lots of ladies here that will be thinking of you today.

Lots of love
Nix
xxxx


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## ruby k (Jun 2, 2004)

leoarna
I've just seen this - I'm absolutely heartbroken for you... I'm so so so sorry - you are being amazingly brave about it. 

I'm just so sorry.

love, ruby xxxxx


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi Leoarna huni,

I've sent you a pm ......

Love Gill xo


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## Hippy (Aug 2, 2005)

Oh Leoarna hun   I am thinking of you today, what a heartbreaking and cruel journey you have been on. I had  so hoped your absence was due to a positive result, but to have that, then to have it so cruelly taken away again is just heart crushing. I cannot imagine what you are going through and wish there was more I could offer than the biggest sized hugs imagineable.

You are amazingly brave and I admire the way that despite this dark, dark time you are still able to analyise the situ and you have already done some research re how this recurring prob could possibly be avoided. 

I just hope with all my heart that you'll now get the best medical intervention possible, and that if in time this is still a path you want to pursue again, that you'll be blessed with another positive result and that it will go all the way for you hun. 

Huge, huge hugs. 

Love
Hippy
xxxxxxxxxxx


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Dear Leoarna

Words are just not enough for times like this, and anything I say is going to be inadequate, but wishing you all the warmest thoughts and support. Thinking of you today, what a terrible thing to have to go through. I hope you get a chance to tell the consultant exactly how you feel, and maybe when you feel stronger you could put it in writing as an official complaint too. He/she should made to think about this very hard.

Sorry, probably not helping, but so mad and sad for you. 

Take lots of care, well done for being so pro-active about this, despite how fragile you are feeling. Wishing you lots of hugs.

Ermey xxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Dear Leoarna
Thinking of you today......i am so so sorry!!

lots of love astridx


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

You've both been in my thoughts today Leoarna. Take good care of yourself and your dh.

flipper


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## pipkin (Jan 14, 2005)

You are not alone Leoarna .... we are all thinking of you today. 



xx


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

I'll write more later but suffice to say it went as bearably as could be expected. Again, coming here this morning and seeing all your messages is hugely heartwarming, there is no support quite like FF support. 

(In slightly ironinc and flippant tone) 'Anyone need a remote home worker for three days a week?' !!!!!

You are all stars....

L xxxxx


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## pink panther (May 4, 2005)

Hi Leoarna,
sorry haven't written for the past few days but have been at a family wedding in Cornwall over the weekend (when, quite frankly, I would have rather poked myself in both eyes), then was on a night shift last night-does life get any better?!
You've often been in my thoughts. Can't wait until the meet so I can give you a big hug in person.... 
Much love to you both 
pp xxx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Leonora, i am only back online today as back at work. I am now aware of why you had gone missing from the board.I am so sorry for all you and dh have been thru and i hope you are coping ok. Take care please xxxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Oh my lovely... I am so sorry to see you have had to go through this... only 2 words come into my brain 'hellish' and 'surreal' at what you have been through and are no doubt still going through.   Words cannot describe how sorry I am to hear your news hon.  

As awful as it is, these consultants and hospitals etc don't have to give early scans   I want to add more to this but as it consists mainly of swearwords I'll leave it there   I know how it feels when the system fails you hon! 

It must feel like such a smack in the teeth for you - I know I had forgotten about ever getting preggers naturally ever again then suddenly against all odds I was which resulted in my 3rd ectopic - its a real p*ss take isn't it - getting pregnant then having it cruelly snatched away from you. Pah - !!!!

Leoarna, I know you must be reeling at the moment, but I also know that one day when the time is right for you, you will draw strength from your wee sparks and you will sock it to those in the medical profession and give them what for... in the meantime I hope you are drawing strength from the love and support you have got from here.

Holding you and your other half very close to my heart at the moment my lovely pal

Emcee xxx


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Emcee - thanks for an inspiring post! 

To all of you, I'm getting through this primarily because I have 1) an amazing husband and 2) YOU GUYS!!!!!! 

I'm concentrating my energies on trying to work out who is the best person and when is the best time to have my tests, and what they should be testing for. It's complicated and controversial stuff, but I am slowly making headway.

However you are feeling today, know that your words have made all the difference to me, and that you do an amazing thing by being here everyday.

Love, 

Leoarna xxxx


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## ruby k (Jun 2, 2004)

Leonarna
YOU are the amazing one   really thinking of you such a lot at the moment, hoping you are OK - as much as possible obviously...
Love ruby xxx

ps the rest of you guys are pretty brilliant aswell!!


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

You are amazing Leonora!!!! I sometimes imagine what it would be like to fall pg naturally after all the crap.But to miscarry as well must be truly awful! Take care you!! xxxx


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