# Surrogacy experiences: Can you help?



## LV. (Jul 18, 2008)

Hi all,

Fertility Friends is trying to provide some resources for those who are close to the end of the road as far as treatment is concerned, but may be considering other avenues. We are keen to add some of our member's experiences to the new "End of the Road.... Or Not?" area of FF to be used in this thread http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=267211.0.

Are there are IPs or surrogates that would be willing to share their (hopefully positive) surrogacy stories and would write a brief summary of their experiences to help other members considering their next step?

Many thanks
LV xx


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## nostalgicsam (Jul 1, 2005)

I'd be happy to help


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## LV. (Jul 18, 2008)

That's lovely N thank you, I look forward to reading your story


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## leo (Mar 7, 2005)

Me too would love to help x


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## LV. (Jul 18, 2008)

Many thanks to you both. Please post your experiences here when you're ready. 

Thanks again for taking the time
LV x


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## apricot (Apr 21, 2008)

Im happy to help too!! We have now put a second surrogacy on hold as our surros son is very ill and I am going to try again myself - I have unexpectedly been offered a transabdominal stitch on the NHS which 2 years ago was out of the question. So if there is the smallest chance I could carry the next baby I want to try - is that the sort of thing you want or should i wait until my family is finished?

xxxxx


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## LV. (Jul 18, 2008)

This is all great news ladies, many thanks. Please share your experiences here or you can PM me.


Thanks again
LV xx


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## nostalgicsam (Jul 1, 2005)

My Story:

On the 24th June 2005 I was diagnosed with womb cancer, I was devastated not least because the only treatment option was a total hysterectomy, I had just turned 37 and my husband and I had been ttc for 5 yrs, I was worried about the cancer, the operation, menopause, and most of all the un-ending sadness of never having children..

My Op was booked for the 8 Aug 2005, I was in shock, depressed and in a total daze, but most of all ironically or stupidly the infertility was crippling me more than the cancer, I had an excellent infertility consultant I had seen just prprior to the diagnosis who asked me if I had thought about surrogacy, I had never even heard of surrogacy, but that was about to change big time!

My consultants agreed that me having one go at IVF which would speed up the cancer as hormone related was probably ok if I wanted to do that and delay my operation, so I began a whirlwind of cancer diagnosis, MRI scans, and found myself at the IVF clinic learning how to inject myself, this was a biggie for someone who had always fainted at all injections, but I was a driven woman and started the injections determined that I would try to have one chance to have a family, 

A few weeks later I was told I had produced 24 eggs, I remember thinking how this wasn't very many considering how the viable numbers drop after fertilisation and then again when they're defrosted, I was soon to learn though that this was a lot, the day of egg collection came and I remember wakign to hear they ha donly collected 17 of the 24 eggs, I was so upset, but apparantly I had been in a lot of pain colllecting from my left high up ovary so they had decided to call it a day, we later learnt that we had 14 embryos which dropped to 12, so we now had 12 little embies on ice waiting for a chance to become our family.

My op had now been delayed due to the IVF cycle and me seeking a 2nd opinion re the hysterectomy, but it was to be further delayed as 2 days after egg collection I fell very ill and was rushed to hospital with OHSS, this was so painful sometimes worse than the pain after my operation, yet another thing to face but thankfully I got through it after being drained of over 15 litres of fluid that was fast approaching my lungs, my op was delayed by my surgeon again due to the risks of the op with swollen ovaries, so now my op would be ion Oct.

During the period waiting for my operation and the IVF all done I started to look into surrogacy, I was sat online day and night joining all the forums I could and learning and chatting woth lots of others in a similar position to me, it was such a releif to know I wasn't alone in needing the help of someone else to have a baby.

Just before my operation date came along I joined a surrogacy organisation and received some great support both before during and after my op; once I was well again we threw ourselves into the world of surrogacy meeting lots of other IP's and some surrogates and became friends with many that we met along the way, the months and indeed over a year passed and we saw and knew many other couples get offered help by surrogates and we often wondered if we ever would be lucky enough to find someone, however in the end it was a bit like the bus analagy 2 years of waiting and we got offered help by 3 different surrogates, we were so happy and the next part of the journey was underway.

We spent a long time getting to know our surrogate and her husband, approx 6 months but we had chatted for a few months before too, finally once all the tests etc were done we were underway and found ourselves very anxiously in our first ever 2ww, we spent the weekend of the test date with our surrogate and family and though it was very faint it was a BFP, we were gobsmacked !! Sadly at 5w 2d our surrogate had a bleed went for a scan and was told she had miscarried, devestation reigned again  

We had to wait 3 months to try again, but onwards and upwards we went and the 2nd time we had everything crossed but sadly it was a BFN, the clinic advised we could move quickly onto the 3rd and final go so we did, this was by far the most stressful go as it was our last hope, this time unknown to us our surrogate had felt she was pregnant and had tested early every day until the day she text me a pic of the pregnancy test and WHOOO BFP  

All was well until one day just as I had got in from work our surrogate called us to say she was bleeding, she was exactly as before 5w 2d pregnant, my heart just fell, she went for a scan and I waited expecting the worse news possible, then she called back and asked if Iw as sittign down (I was) she said you're having twins !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could not speak, I was truly shocked and amazed...

The bleed had been because it was twins (common in twin pregnancies) we felt more than lucky, our last go at a family after all the heartache and we were expecting 2 lil miracles, it was also strange as I'd always joked I'd have twins as my mum is a twin.

The months seem to pass very slowly at first, our poor surrogate had terrible morning sickness, which finally eased at 16 weeks and by 20 weeks we learnt we were having 2 lil girls  

The last 3 months of the pregancy went quite quickly, we saw our surrogate regularly and I helped her out at home etc at weekends when I could and when she would let me LOL, unfortunately the last few months were hard going for our surro as her BP was up and down and at one point the hosp said one bab y had lost fluid and she was in the hosp a couple of times near the end; the hosp had said they wanted her to get to 37 or 38 weeks if possible as this would be best for the babies and a section was booked for 38 weeks, we arrived to stay with her the week before and thank goodness we did as at 37w2d she was resting in bed and shouted me that her waters had broken, the ambulance was called and off we all went all flashing lights to the hospital.

Sadly within 25 minutes she was being rushed to theatre for an emeregency section as she had placenta abruption, she was so upset as she hadn't wanted a GA and it meant none of us would witness the birth of our miracle girls  

It felt like we waited forever for any news and infact we heard crying babies an hr before we saw our beautiful girls, it was a wow moment a day I never thought would happen. It was a week before we took them home but when we did from that day to this they truly are the best most precious thing in my life and without the help of a surrogate mum who was willing to help us achieve our dream none of it would have been possible.

So for those of you struggling with infertility, whatever the reasons and feel like there is nowhere esle to go, there is, adoption may be something you'd like to consider but please know there is another option, it is like a roller coaster but surrogacy can and does work, even if like me you only have frosties or need DE or want to try straight surrogacy, it isn't for the faint hearted but it also shouldn't be seen as some of the horror stories most people read about surrogacy in the news, surrogates are kind selfless women who give hope and joy to many otherwise childless couples and with help and support it is an option for many.

I hope sharing my 'story' helps others and if nothing else educates and gives hope.
Sam


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## Debs (Mar 22, 2002)

Ladies - thank you so much for your help with getting this new board off the ground.  It really is appreciated  

I have posted 2 of your stories on the thread and if anyone else would like to add then please let me know.

Thanks again.

Love

Debs xxx


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