# New here and waiting for ICSI treatment



## Roro (Jan 13, 2009)

Hi, 
I am new here and would love to chat to anyone waiting or in the process of ICSI. Since me and my partner have been informed about our male factor infertility and that we would be needind ICSI treatment we have been devasted and we have not talked to anyone about it (which was my choice not to). I dont know why i dont feel like talking to any of my friends or family about this   I think its because i dont want to see any sadness in my family's eyes.   . I am sure many here feel the same way.

I would really appreciate chatting to anyone going through the same experience, and if anyone has gone through ICSI can you please inform me of the stages you went through after beeing reffered to the ICSI NHS waiting list.

Rokia


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## Wombly (Oct 17, 2007)

Hi Rokia & welcome to FF

We were also devastated when told we needed ICSI, I've found it, emotionally, very complicated. I understand you don't want to talk to any of your friends / family about it but if there is anyone you know who has had any kind of fertility tx I would speak to them if you can or to a fertility counsellor (your clinic will have one). However you can talk to any of us lot on here any time & I have found this site has helped me at most lowest & most insane moments! As no-one else seems to understand (and one minute I think they do then they come out with some insensitive comment ).

I have been through ICSI twice and am now awaiting my third go. The only way it differs from IVF is that the eggs are injected with the sperm rather than left to sort it out themselves and I believe the eggs have to be slightly more mature to be able to inject them. I won't lie and say its a breeze as it really is a rollercoaster but at the same time it gives me a positive feeling that - okay we've found the problem, here's the solution now let's do something about it. It took me a while to get my head around the fact that we would never be able to conceive naturally (and tbh still find that hard at times) but I am also so grateful that there is still another chance through ICSI.

Another thing I would add is I would advise you to make sure you keep talking to your DH about it and how you are both feeling as I've found it really important to keep the 'communication gateway' open.

Anyway - i've gone on a bit here, all I wanted to say is you're not alone & we're all here to support you 

Feel free to ask me any other questions about ICSI - Wombly x


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## Han72 (Feb 15, 2007)

Hi Rokia and welcome! 

Sorry, I've never been thru the NHS for my treatments so I can't advise you there, however I just wanted to say I know it's really scary when you first get the news but as Wombly says this website is a great resource for support and information. 

It's difficult, at the beginning, to even know what questions to ask, it's all so new but rest assured that whatever you're feeling or problems you're having there will be people on here who've been through it and come out the other side and who will be more than willing to offer advice or just listen (or rather, read!) when you want to let off steam!

You've come to the right place, welcome to the fertility friends family! 

xxx


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## Roro (Jan 13, 2009)

Thank you sooooo much for the support Nix and Wombly, I already feel better after reading your lovely supportive messages. I am really glad i found this site. The reason why i dont want to talk to family or friends about my problem is because i feel like no one is going to keep it to them selves and then my mum and dad might find out (they are BIG worriers). I am their only daughter and I know they will not take  this lightly, so i thought why worry them when there is nothing they can do but add more pressure .

Thanks again for all the support  and I am telling you from now that i will be asking alot of questions!!! i 

rokia


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## musclemedic (Jan 14, 2009)

Hi Rokia

I am also having ICSI this time, when do you actually start?  Which hospital?

I start my injections on Wednesday so lets hope we are at the same time.

I know how you feel with family and friends, it seems to make you more upset rather than better and there is nothing they can say that makes you feel any better.

At least here you can have a laugh and joke, a cry and scream or just chat the days away knowing that everyone else is going through the same thing (most of the time!).


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## kcantwait (Jan 8, 2009)

Hiya,
I'm on the list waiting for ICSI too due to male factor IF, so in a similar position.  However, we told friends/family a long time ago about TTC so they know how long we've been trying (5 years approx), so hate that, so I think you are right not to tell.  
Where are you due to have tx and when??
We're going to James Paget Gt Yarmouth for tx then to Bourne Hall in Cambridge for the ET and remainder of tx, and don't start till April.  Don't want to wish my life away, but can't wait till April.  Would be lovely to get cracking sooner.
You're in the right place anyhow now.
Take care
kcantwait! x


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## sleepypenguin (Jan 1, 2009)

Hi all 

We are in the same boat, also on the NHS and will be having ICSI in May, which seems a long way off but starting meds in March so it will give us a couple of months to prepare and I have plenty of work to clear before then. I have pretty much given up booze which is a new experience for me   but still need to shift some weight to optimise our chances. 

We have told immediate family and a couple of close friends only although everyone knows we have been TTC so have to keep fielding questions. I have a friend who has been through IVF succesfully so she has been a great shoulder to cry on and knows sympathy isn't necessarily a good thing which others don't always appreciate. 

I guess we will be on roughly the same timings so be in touch soon.

xx


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

Hi Rokia! 

Welcome to FF!! This is a great website for support, information, laughter and friendship, it has kept me (relatively!) sane though all my treatment!

I haven't had ICSI personally, but here a few links that you might find useful

For the ICSI board -CLICK HERE

ICSI - Questions for your first cycle consultation (use the ones that apply) - CLICK HERE

Male factors -CLICK HERE

I am sure that if you post on the ICSI board you will get inundated with replies!

I would also recommend the "what every new member needs to know" thread CLICK HERE

And for a bit of fun there is always the the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie night in the chat room every week (*Wednesday at 8pm*) where you can meet other new members and a few more experienced (I won't use the term "old"!) members will be there to answer any questions you have about the site.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

There are also Location boards, you can search for your home town and chat to others in your area, who also might be using the same clinic. It doesn't say in your profile where you are based, but we have boards for every area of the UK CLICK HERE

Wombly did an excellent post there, I can't add much more! FF really is a wonderful site, it has been a godsend to me. I don't know how I would have coped without it. Feel free to post any time, for whatever reason - there will always be friendly people to offer advice, information, support, or sometimes just a hug whenever you need it.

Sue


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## Roro (Jan 13, 2009)

Thank you Sleepypenguin, Sue, Musclemedic and kcantwait for your lovely and warm messages, you really make me feel at home here. 
you guys wanted to know what stage i am at and what hospital and area, i am currently on the NHS waiting list for ICSI at Queen Charlotte Hospital. I have been informed by the consultant that the waiting list in the borough of Ealing is about 6 months (Ealing is where I live), i thought to myself that 6 months is not that bad (if it really is only 6 months ). thats why I havent thought about going private. i have been placed on the waitng list on the 3rd of December so hopefuly the hospital should contact me by May, so sleepypenguin we might be going through the same stages together . 

Thanks again eveyone I really look forward to reading your thoughtful messages as they are the only thing that is cheering me up these days 

rokia


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## Roro (Jan 13, 2009)

Hi,

I was just wondering if anyone can help me here? When being treated through ICSI is it still very likely to have twins?


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## suzee (Jan 15, 2008)

Hi Rokia,

DH and I had ICSI at the GRI - NHS hospital but due to waiting times we opted to go private with the NHS.

We had 1 unsuccessful treatment and then 1 very successful treatment!  I am now 26 + wks pregnant with twins!!  I had 2 eggs transferred back both times and the second time both of them decided to 'stick around'!!

What age are you?  As it depends on what age you are as to how many eggs are transferred back.  Up to 35 they put 1 egg back, 35 to 40 they put 2 eggs back (I was 35, hence the twins eeekk!! lol) and over 40 they put 3 eggs back.  I don't know if this goes by Health Board or if it is a UK wide rule, I think its a UK wide rule NHS or private.  

Remember though 1 embryo can split into 2 forming identical twins (mine are non identical) so even if 1 is transferred back you could still have twins, I don't know the statistics though sorry.  You could try HFEA's website for them.

I really really hope your dream comes true!!  Take care and good luck!!

Suzee xx

PS I had accupuncture along with my 2nd treatment cycle so maybe something you might want to look into.


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## Roro (Jan 13, 2009)

Hi Suzee,

Thank you for taking the time to reply and congratulations  you must be very excited and unpatient about seeing your babies I wish you the best of luck for the remaining few weeks. I am gonna be 25 in May, so according to your information only one egg will be transferred . My dream is to have twins that was the only part that made me feel a bit excited about the treatment. Do you think even if I ask for the transfer of 2 eggs they wont?

Thanks again

Rokia


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## still smiling (Jan 15, 2009)

Hi Rokia,

As you can see from my signature im 29[last sat] and just had my first ICSI in november.To answer your question about how many embryos can be transferred i had two put back so you should be able to have two also.Its a max of two under 40 and a max of 3 over 40.Clinics may vary in their advice as they are under pressure to reduce multiple pregnancies but you should have last say on that.

good luck
xxx


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## suzee (Jan 15, 2008)

Hi Rokia,

I'm so sorry for upsetting you!!  I didn't mean too.  

With what still smiling says then it must be a Health Board/area rule re how many embies are transferred.  Perhaps you should call your clinic and ask them their policy.

Again I'm sorry for upsetting you.

Good luck Suzee xx


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## Roro (Jan 13, 2009)

Hi Suzee,

Dont worry you didnt upset me, you were just answering my question with facts!, I was jst telling you how i feel about having twins thats all . Thanks again for taking the time to reply.

Thank you Stillsmiling, you have kept me smiling . I will contact my clinic to find out more about their policy.

Thanks again


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## kcantwait (Jan 8, 2009)

Hi Rokia,
I just wanted to say that I went to hospital exactly same day as you, on 3rd Dec, but different hospital!  We may end up having tx roughly about the same time, although they said it's an 18 wk wait there, so tx will hopefully start around April all being well....it'd be nice to keep contact to compare notes perhaps.
I think the hospital also said new regs were to put only one ET back, that's a real bummer though, cos I'd rather have 2 put back!  I reckon I'm going to insist, but then I may be able to as will be 35 then, boo 
Good luck with everything,
Kx


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## still smiling (Jan 15, 2009)

Hi Rokia,
Did you manage to find out about embryo issue?Just been reading your posts and am i right in thinking you are having treatment under NHS?I suppose that could change things then because even though the law dictates legal limits it is also asking clinics to consider who would have a good chance with one and who would do better with two.I think the issue is that the NHS pick up the bills for all the extras involved in multiple pregnancies and possibly beyond.Private clinics are most likely to ignore the pressure to start doing single transfers because ultimately they are business's,paid by patients & dependent on results whereas none of that applies to NHS clinics.
I seriously considered a single transfer because i would prefer not to have twins but my husband wanted to have the best chance we could.
Hope you're ok.Will be looking out for you xx


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## tissyblue (Jan 23, 2009)

Just wanted to wish you the best of luck with your treatment. 

I haven't posted before but I used the site as a "guest" during my first ICSI treatment last summer and did find it helpful - certainly for some of the "idiot" questions you don't want to ask at the hospital.

I started second ICSI cycle at the beginning of Jan and am on injections for down reg at the moment. There is no doubt that its an emotional roller coaster so take support from wherever you can. My DH (learning the lingo now!) is reticent about the whole thing to put it mildly so I find it very difficult to talk to him about how I am feeling. 

At times ICSI feels like some form of tortuous assault course where the barriers get higher and higher and you have to keep clambering over them. But once we found out that TTC naturally wasnt an option, at least I felt that with ICSI I was doing something positive to try and make it happen. We were lucky to get two embies the first time round - 16 follicles, 8 eggs, 4 fertilised but only 2 made it - sounds like some kind of maths formula.....
When it came to ET, the hospital threw me completely by suggesting putting both embies back (even though its NHS and their policy for first timers is one only). Ended up having rather emotional debate in the corridor about "one or two". It had been hard enough convincing DH that he wants one baby so the prospect of twins really freaked him out! No joy first time round. I guess I hope we get far enough with this second cycle to have that choice again.

Fingers crossed for all of us on the ICSI road.
Tracey


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## still smiling (Jan 15, 2009)

Hi tissyblue,

I was guest also through last treatment and wish i'd have signed up sooner.At the time i did'nt think of myself as a neurotic constant clinic caller but in retrospect i was and could have made use of all the knowledge on here!

Just to comment on your DH's reluctance..My DH[lingo still new to me too!]wants 2nd child as much as i do but not this way and is giving me zero support to say the least.He was convinced the 1st time would work[but still moaned about cost] and is now saying we'll use the 4 that we have frozen and that will be the last of it if it does'nt work.At this moment,not having done the frozen cycles,i cannot argue but he is making a terrible situation far worse with his attitude.He's almost making me feel like an unreasonable nutter for wanting to at least try and despite the fact that this is a sperm issue[choosing my words]he still does'nt think he should just humble himself for a moment now and again and give me a bit of support.Infact forget support,it's his problem too!! What i'm getting at is i know how hard this is when it feels like you're going through this without the very,the only person you truly need.If,for any random,late at night,un-reasonable,irrational,heartbroken,p'd off reason you need someone to nod and say 'i know' you know where i am.If navigating this sight is'nt your thing then my e-mail address is on offer.I say all this because my 1st post,on another site,was answered by someone who has since become the reason i remain sane.I don't know where she lives,what she looks like,have never heard her voice and never will but i credit so much of my being able to get through this to just having someone to share my thoughts with.
I hope you are doing ok  xx


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## Roro (Jan 13, 2009)

Hi everyone,
Thanks alot for your lovely and informative messages. Kcantwait I really hope that we will be starting treatment together   as you said it will be great to share our experiences as i do not have anyone else in my friends and family to talk to about this as no one knows .I would also like to wish you the best of luck and hope to keep in touch .

Still smiling i did contact my clinic 3 days ago but I didnt get an answer because i kept on being transfered to different departments then ended up leaving a message in one of the consultants voice mail which i didnt get a reply to  . Since then I have just been a bit busy. However i am aiming to contact them again next week. Thank you for your concern and I am glad that you will be looking out for me  i honestly feel that i known you and many others on the site for years.

Tissyblue thank you for sharing your experience, I can really relate to what you are going through because i dont have anyone to talk to either, i have stated before that none of my family and friends know about me having ICSI and also our infertility is due to male factor so I dontwant to always talk about the treatment with my husband because when i do talk to him about my fears or concerns he ends up telling me not to worry and that it is entirely my decission to go through with the treatment or not and that he will be beside me..... dont get me wrong it's all nice to hear but some times you want to have a discussion with people who have been there and done that and that is all you guys here . Good luck with your next cycle and we all hope that you will get a big + on your pregnancy test soon.

Thanks agian everyone


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## still smiling (Jan 15, 2009)

Rokia,
Off to bed now..up too late,thinking AGAIN,
Just a quikie before i go as can see your online.Everything i said to tissyblue applies to you too.We think we're doing ok but people with clear minds are'nt up,looking at infertility boards at 2am!!
If you need me...xxx


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## Roro (Jan 13, 2009)

Thanks still smilling, I really should be in bed but I couldnt sleep so I thought I will have a look ata few messages from you guys to make me feel better .  Also the same to you why are you still up  

Good Night


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## still smiling (Jan 15, 2009)

Hi  

I swear i'm going in a mo!Just can't sleep sometimes for thinking,you know.I get in bed and end up awake for hours so i'd rather be doing something...like..erm this! If your staying up for a bit why don't you write me a 1000word essay on why rats are never infertile.I mean who wants more rats?! Or why not have a good old moan and let of a bit of steam and i'll post you back with some Oprah winfrey style words of wisdom asap.Go on,you might aswell   xx

100% going to bed now! xx


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## tissyblue (Jan 23, 2009)

Rokia - sorry - I feel like I'm hi-jacking your thread but just wanted to say how nice it was to come on-line today to a reply from still smiling and you. You're right that the only people who know what we are going through are the ones who have been there too. Its impossible to try and cope alone. But clearly you two stay up much later than I do!

Decided I'm going to get DH to sit down and watch the "empty arms" video - it had a profound effect on me yesterday. I'm also going to ask him to give up his hobbies (beer and pub) for at least the week before EC. I know its not much but it would at least demonstrate that he's in this with me.

Take care everyone and stay positive!
Tracey


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## Roro (Jan 13, 2009)

GUESS WHAT 
Today I received a letter from my clinic informing me that i will be starting my ICSI medication in March and my treatment will start in April ...
I still cant beleive it I thought that it will be at least another 5 months.

I CANT WAIT TO START!! 

Good luck to everyone waiting for treatment!!!


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## Roro (Jan 13, 2009)

Hi Starfishtigger,
Thanks for the message. It will be great to talk to someone who's been through ICSI as this is my first time, I would just like to ask you about the group co-ordination appointment which i will be attending on the 12th of February. I am not sure what it is going to be like? i know that we ill be given all the details we need but is it going to be a large group of people? and do they ask you personally or is it just general?

Also i noticed your signature stated that your DH is in Iraq! I justed wanted to tell you that I am from Iraq! what does your DH think of Iraq (although I have never seen Iraq myself but heard alot about Iraq from my family) 

Thanks again and I hope to keep in touch


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## kcantwait (Jan 8, 2009)

still smiling said:


> Just to comment on your DH's reluctance..My DH[lingo still new to me too!]wants 2nd child as much as i do but not this way and is giving me zero support to say the least.He was convinced the 1st time would work[but still moaned about cost] and is now saying we'll use the 4 that we have frozen and that will be the last of it if it does'nt work.At this moment,not having done the frozen cycles,i cannot argue but he is making a terrible situation far worse with his attitude.He's almost making me feel like an unreasonable nutter for wanting to at least try and despite the fact that this is a sperm issue[choosing my words]he still does'nt think he should just humble himself for a moment now and again and give me a bit of support.Infact forget support,it's his problem too!! What i'm getting at is i know how hard this is when it feels like you're going through this without the very,the only person you truly need.If,for any random,late at night,un-reasonable,irrational,heartbroken,p'd off reason you need someone to nod and say 'i know' you know where i am.If navigating this sight is'nt your thing then my e-mail address is on offer.I say all this because my 1st post,on another site,was answered by someone who has since become the reason i remain sane.I don't know where she lives,what she looks like,have never heard her voice and never will but i credit so much of my being able to get through this to just having someone to share my thoughts with.
> I hope you are doing ok  xx


Hi Still Smiling!
I had to respond to your msg cos I thought it was funny   Perhaps it shouldn't have amused me so much but I did actually LOL when I read about your hubby...we've not started any tx yet but will soon (not soon enough for my liking tho), and I just felt like I could relate as my DH has been difficult in the past, and said he wouldn't go through with IVF let alone ICSI....but here we are, and I'm guessing it's partly cos he feels to blame that he's keeping fairly quiet and not being negative! I shouldn't complain in that case, so will have to see how it goes. Basically, I just felt what you said resonated with me due to past conflicts with my DH.

Roro; excellent news about the tx starting sooner xx good luck


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## Han72 (Feb 15, 2007)

YAAAAY!  Roro, good luck with starting tx in a few months time!  I think you'd need to ask the hospital about the size of the group in your meeting and what format the meeting is likely to take.  Or is there a board on here for that hospital? Maybe you could find someone who's been treated there before and ask them about their experiences?

xxx


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## still smiling (Jan 15, 2009)

Kcantwait,

Was being nice about DH.In truth i want to kill him but then his sperm count will be even less.
Not once have i been dramatic about all this yet he thinks its ok to pretend its not even happening.I wish i could say he's in denial,that he can't articulate his feelings but he's actually just an arrogant A hole.He says i need to stop talking about it[read mentioning even clinic appointments]but i've hardly got us on Jeremy Kyle have i.He's definatley a nut case because he made a big speach last week about the fact that when we have a son[we'd be lucky to get a puppy at this rate]he's choosing the name because i "did him over" last time by not choosing one of the names he suggested for our daughter which were the names of every female in his family with one letter changed so 'katie' became 'hatie'.
We were sat in the waiting room of the clinic and i told him to take his feet off the chairs to which he replied,''i've just given the Ba...ds 5grand so i'll JIZZ on the walls if i want".He is unbearable.I know you're shouting 'leave him' but i've just re-decorated the living room so i ain't going nowhere.

xxx


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## tissyblue (Jan 23, 2009)

Still smiling - you have to love them don't you? Can you envisage our DH's having an online chat about what they are going through right now - 

"the wife's really moody at the moment - dunno what's got into her....." (try needles, buserilin, gonal F, chinese herbs, folic acid, brazil nuts, selenium etc etc.....)!

Its as if they ignore it, or don't ask questions about it, its not really happening to them. My DH managed to go through my entire first cycle of ICSI without asking once how I was feeling (including the sedation part for EC). I thought about asking the hospital to arrange a security guard to escort him when he had to contribute his part in case he did a runner out the back door. 

Has your DH noticed that you have re-decorated your living room?! If he hasn't, try starting on the kitchen. Distraction is good therapy!

Tracey


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## still smiling (Jan 15, 2009)

Hi Tracey,

You made me laugh!!! 
Thats the very problem,i do love him despite how breathtakingly selfish he is.I think he has noticed the decorating because i overheard him telling his friend how hard it was to find the right wallpaper even though i chose it,he said it was "bland" and moaned for 3wks about how expensive it was.He then told him to "just feel the quality".I might re-decorate a spare room...and move into it!!!

xxx


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## spankysbird (Jan 29, 2009)

Hello

I am new to this too, I only begun my journey in May 08, got the go ahead before christmas as there is no waiting list at my hospital.  I started injecting myself last Thursday, went for my 6 day scan yesterday and there were only 2 eggs    They have upped my dose of Menopor to 450mg and I have to go back tomorrow to see if I have produced any more.
Fingers crossed!!


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## Roro (Jan 13, 2009)

Hi Spankysbird,

Please feel at home  , I am sorry to hear that you are having problems in your treatment. Dont worry i hope everyting will be alright .
Feel free to post whenever you feel like it.

Roro


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## tissyblue (Jan 23, 2009)

Hi Spankysbird - will keep fingers crossed that they are two "super eggs". Its such a lottery how your body reacts to the drugs and dosage. You've got this far, keep jumping those hurdles!

Off to see my v. nice accupuncturist Mr Fan. He told me last week that he "had 18 babies last year" - I hope he was referring to his patients...!
T


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## Han72 (Feb 15, 2007)

Hi there

Spankysbird (nice name ) don't panic that you had a poor showing on your first scan, this is not that unusual and it's good that your doc has reacted by increasing the dose to 450, that's a nice hefty amount and should make a huge difference.

You can also help yourself out by
1. Keeping your tummy warm. Use a heated wheat bag or hot water bottle at home and if you have to go out, use one of those deep heat type stick on patches that can be used for muscle cramps or period pains.
2. Increase your protein intake - aim for 60g of protein a day as this helps with egg formation.  Lots of chicken, fish, cheese, yogurts etc
3. and this is arguably the most important one - Increase your liquid intake -  try for 2 litres of water and 1 of milk a day. It sounds a hell of a lot but the water can be in the form of teas or squashes or fruit juices (fresh, not from concentrate pineapple juice being the best, as it also contains selenium which helps with the womb lining). The milk helps with your protein intake and of course calcium!  Don't worry if you can't manage the milk, I know a lot of people can't digest it, but skimmed is easier to take IMO.  

Don't think it's too late to make a difference, it's not and every little helps!

Good luck!!!    

xxx


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## Han72 (Feb 15, 2007)

tissyblue said:


> Off to see my v. nice accupuncturist Mr Fan. He told me last week that he "had 18 babies last year" - I hope he was referring to his patients...!


  

xxx


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## tag22 (Jan 31, 2009)

Hi all

This is my first time using this website and my husband and I are also beginners when it comes to ICIS.  I now have five friends who are pregnant and I am feeling very lonely, as though we are the only couple who cannot have children.  It does not help when they tell me they fell pregnant in either the first or second month off the pill.  I am hoping to hear from others experiencing the same pain when surrounded by babies or pregnant friends!

Well, we have been trying for over four years and we were recently referred for treatment at Bourn Hall, Cambs.  We have unexplained infertility but they recommend ICIS gives us the best chance of success, fingers crossed!  I started the spray on Friday, so early days.  I would be interested to know when I should expect my period.

Hope to hear from you soon!

TAG22


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## tissyblue (Jan 23, 2009)

Hi Tag22 - welcome to Roro's thread! Dealing with friends/family who are pregnant is one of the most difficult aspects of TTC. Part of the problem is that we tend not to wear big badges with "Would love to have babies but haven't managed it (yet)". Only those nearest and dearest have any idea of the pain and sadness at a time when we are meant to be happy and excessively enthusiastic at the news of another new arrival. My sister had her first child in November and I was absolutely useless in terms of giving her any support during her pregnancy - I just found it too upsetting which was probably v selfish but there you go.....

Good luck with the ICSI - I'm convinced its the way to go. Sorry, don't know about timescales for those on spray treatment (I am on my second go at the moment and injections from the start) but there is so much help and support on the site that someone is bound to know.

Oh - and a sense of humour helps!  

Tracey


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## pinkitini (Feb 1, 2009)

hi i am new on here and due to start icsi end ov feb very exciting x


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## swaza (Jun 9, 2008)

Hi all,

I too am about to embark on ICSI#1.  On a monitoring cycle at the moment am am hoping to tx in a few weeks, all depends on the results etc.  Fingers Crossed!

TAG22 - I know exactly how you feel, like you I am surrounded by people either giving birth or telling me they're pregnant and how easy it was!!!    Why couldn't I have been tx last year as I knew no-one having babies then ... typical!  The worst of it being my Sister giving birth yesterday to her second child, she's younger than me and sails through life thinking it's all so easy, she has no LIFE experience at all.  Had a little girl two years ago, wanted a boy and look what she got... exactly what she wanted.  I was devastated last night, couldn't stop crying   the main reason being she's given him my dads name as his middle name which is what I had always planned.  I know it sounds silly but she knows how very very close I am to my Dad and she doesn't give two hoots, can't help thinking she's done it on purpose.  As you can probably tell I am NOT close to my Sister nor my Mum and they know nothing of our situation.  Anyway last night was awful, but now trying to pick myself up and draw on the positives ....... PMA.  Not looking forward to seeing him for the first time either ........ Oh it's all so damn hard.

Enough of my going on, just wanted to say I'm in the same boat.  

Swaz x


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## sweets x (Jul 28, 2008)

Hiya

We are too waiting to have ICSI as we have male factor issues and i have endometriosis and scar tissue.

It is all very scary isn't it.
We were due to start ISCI last october but it was put on hold as at the pre-treatment scan they found a cyst and a fluid filled falopian tube. I had an operation lasst week to sort this out.

Will hopefully be starting treatment soon.


Spanksybird How did you get on when they upped your meds hun.

Roro We might be quite close in cycling hun, think i'll be starting april/may time now.
Bet you are excited that you will be starting sooner than you thought.

Pinkitini, swaza Good luck sweeties     

Tagg22   its so hard when people we know fall pregnant isn't it hun. I work as a hairdresser and see more people pregnant all the time. I have 2 sisters and a brother and they all have kids. My husband has 2 sisters and they have 7 between them (greedy ) 
Don't know wat i can say to make it easier for you, we just have to believe that our time will come. When it does they will be the most wanted and loved little babies alive.

Sorry, got a bit deep there, get quite emotional sometimes  

Hi to anyone i haven't mentioned, sure i will soon get to know you 
Take care

nicola x x


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## still smiling (Jan 15, 2009)

Hi new ladies ,

Hope you all feel better just for writing it all down,it's the best place to be for a good rant
Swaz,
The sister issue rings so true with me too hun.MyDD is the same age as my younger sister's DD and her new son is 12mts[Looks more like me than anyone to make it worse!]and her boyfriend thinks he's the father yet they are to two different men.She's out every weekend and could'nt give a damn so is my least favourite person at present.Though i have'nt so much as hinted at our problems i know she's guessed and takes every opportunity to gloat but i can never pick her up on it because her defense would be to play dumb..v clever.
I love my nephew and neice and that keeps jealousy at bay but i've decided that,just because she's my sister,i don't have to allow her to have a major part in my life.She also gave her son my brother's name and that was absolutely on purpose.Thing is hun,our sister's have'nt got it all because if they did they would be nicer people and we'd be able to get the support that we should from them.
It will happen for you one day.Just try to keep your focus and don't waste energy thinking about how unfair it all is.It is'nt fair,it's crap but don't let it get the better of you.It will just make the battle harder 

xxxx


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## sweets x (Jul 28, 2008)

Still smiling

hiya hun, you have so got the right attitude. 
Thinking about how hard it is can sometimes consume you and makes the battle harder.

Think i know where to go now when i need a good talking too


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## Hernhim (Feb 3, 2009)

Hi Rokia

I too am a newbie about to start ICSI, easter hopefully. I went to the inital consultation last month and am getting bloods done tomorrow. If you would like I'll keep you posted and share my experience.

Good luck with your ICSI,

Ammie


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## still smiling (Jan 15, 2009)

Hi Nichola,

I'm trying to get arsewipe Jeremy Kyle off the box...could do so much better 
My take on it all is that i refuse to be depressed,bitter and twisted AND infertile.I allow myself to feel sad & regretful because i am justified but you have to draw a line in the sand so to speak.The one thing i am so so grateful for is the fact that this is 2009.So many women before me have gone through this without options or hope.Imagine this in a time when our whole lives,as women,revolved around our husbands and children.When we did'nt have jobs,social lives to distract us,to fill in at least a few gaps.When no-one understood infertility and male factor did'nt even register.When the internet did'nt exist for absolute strangers like all of us to let each other know that we are'nt alone and to share our sorrows and our joys.Could be worse eh?
Everything is going to be ok for us all and i'm positive of that.However that happens,it will all be ok.

big hugs hun and you be brave   
xxxx


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## sweets x (Jul 28, 2008)

Still smiling

When i am having a good day i think that life is good and that having a child is not the only thing i am here for. Its ironic really, i absolutely adore my DH, we have been married 3 years but have been together 14 1/2 years. Its quite twistered that he is the reason we can't have kids. I sometimes feel i can not get on with out children but i couldn't get on without my DH and for that i am very grateful. Some people are never lucky enough to find their soulmate. 

Think i will save this for when i am on a downer and give my self a kick up the     

Hope everyone else is doing ok today


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## esh0210 (Jan 31, 2009)

Hi All - I am a new member - we have male factor probs - have been to St Albans where we have now been referred to Hammersmith for IVF.  Shld be hearing from them in 4-6 weeks. Havent been told but we have been looking up on the net, we think we may need ICSI.

Good Luck all with your treatments and no doubt I will be back online when I need some friendly hints and tips.

Have some info - we have been told that if we have IVF after April 1st then we will get 3 attempts and 3 frozen eggs - so a possible useage of 6 attempts.  A friend has told me that each frozen egg could cost £500, the reason behind the egg freezing is so that the woman doesnt have to undergo lots of ivf medication.  At the moment they are putting back 2 eggs but once April comes around they will stop doing this.  The NHS is having to cut back on multiple births.

Elaine xx


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## tag22 (Jan 31, 2009)

Hi Folks

I hope you do not mind me joining in your conversation but I am new to FF and feeling a bit lonely.  It is really good to hear there are others out there going through the same issues as us!  I am currently on the nasal spray and have an appointment on Thursday to see if I can move to the next step, I hope it has been successful.  I am pretty scared about injecting myself, but I suppose I will get used to it.  Is it one injection per day?  We are going through ICIS for the first time at Bourn Hall.  I would love to hear from someone else going through the same stages as us as I find it really hard to speak to my parents about this.  My mum looks so sad if I ever try to talk about this.

Anyway good luck to everyone who reads this, let us hope it will work for us all!

TAG22


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## tissyblue (Jan 23, 2009)

Hi Tag22 and esh0210 - welcome! I submitted my first post on this very thread a few weeks ago - submitting your first post can be a bit daunting (especially when you worry if anyone will reply!) but it certainly made me feel much less alone the last few weeks. I loitered on the site as a guest during my first ICSI last year but decided to take the plunge and start posting this time around - I have found it to be a really positive experience - I can write down what I am thinking or feeling without fear of being judged or being felt sorry for - its empathy rather than sympathy - like a cyberspace arm giving you a hug when you need it 

I have "met" some really helpful folks on the site, sometimes the posts make me laugh out loud, sometimes they make me cry - even if they are not going through exactly what you are, there are always words of support and reassurance. I "graduated" from the intro site to my local board (where there are FF's at all stages) and also the cycle buddies one. 

Best of luck with your treatment.

Tissy


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## still smiling (Jan 15, 2009)

Hi Tag22,

Welcome to the board .How are you finding it so far?
As Tissyblue said you will get so much support on here.Unless you've been through it it's impossible to understand how hard infertility is and how isolated it can leave you feeling.Other than one friend and the people on this board no-one knows we are dealing with this and that made things so much harder.Now that i have an outlet i'm coping a bit better.
This is the place for all your feeling in all their glory,be it positive or heartbroken.I'm still astonished by people's warmth and i'm sure you'll feel the same.

All the best with your babymaking and speak soon 

xxxxxx


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## marieneale (Feb 16, 2009)

Hi All

I am also new to FF and it's so good to listen to other people who are going through the same thing.  I am currently undergoing my first ICSI cycle with the NHS as have already went through a failed IVF cycle.  Slightly stressed out at the minute as had Prostap injection on the 1st Feb and still no AF, first scan was supposed to be tom.

Anyway hope all going well with everyone else.  
xx


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## kcantwait (Jan 8, 2009)

I just wanted to join back into this thread, I don't know where else to post.....but am feeling reallllyyyyyyyyyyyyy CRAP!  I need some sympathetic ears.
My sis in law to be, just emailed me to say today is her last day at work, she is going on maternity leave and will be back in Jan 2010.  We've been pretty close in the past, but since she got pregnant, I've distanced myself, she lives far enough away to be able to do that!  I guess because of this, the email she sent me was more formal than previous mails, no kiss at the end, nothing  !  This prompted me to send her an email blurting out my feelings, which I now have mixed feelings about  .  I did pre warn her and ask if she is feeling emotional etc first, and she does know about our difficulties conceiving....so just went for it!  I'm not sure what her reaction will be though, and am scared.  My DH will prob go ballistic for me blurting my feelings out onto her in her condition, but what can I do!  Somtimes, it's just better out than in, and at least she's almost family!  I start tx in April (hopefully), and she's due in April, so I think I also did it as a way of warning her of my potential mental state when I see her with child!  I basically explained everything that all us ff's go through with our emotions, and that women who are lucky enough to get preggers without any major delays, just can't seem to consider anyone bloody else in the scheme of things, and it's not like she doesn't know we've been trying for a good damn long time, so a bit of consideration wouldn't have gone amiss  .  Maybe if she'd broached it better, instead of trying to glean information out of me about whether we would have IVF, would have been more considerate!!  I'm just a bit sick of it all being about them (pregnant women/mothers) all the time.  I did say that in a roundabout kind of way too, and to ask her to put herself in my position, to imagine what it feels like trying to conceive without avail for so long.  Apparently she'd been trying 6 months and was getting worried, I say 'try adding another 4 years to that then luv', and let's see how you feel then ay  !!!  I feel like I could pop, or go on a rampage right now!!!  All I can say is, she'd better flippin understand!!  I think I'm calming down a bit now, thanks for listening........and hello to everyone, and good luck to all too.....wish you all well on your journies!!


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## tissyblue (Jan 23, 2009)

Hi Kcantwait. Sorry you are having a rough time of it. I think we can all relate to having someone close to us who is pregnant and finding it hard to cope. 

If it helps at all, my sister was pregnant with her first last year. I really distanced myself from her, mainly for my own sake as I found it really hard to cope with her "pregnant chat" when I knew that was still just a dream for me. She knew I was going through tx but, as you will read countless places on the FF site, you only appreciate how heartbreaking the tx process is when you are going through it. Life revolved around her and her baby to be and I guess I cant be too critical of her as that is how it will be for the majority of people who conceive naturally.

Joshua is now three months old. Over time I have come to realise that he will always be my nephew and it is up to me how much of a part I want to play in his life as he grows up. Its not his fault that I need fertility treatment to make my dream possible. Family (in particular) and friends who are pregnant/with kids can make hugely insensitive comments but babies never will. I found dealing with an actual baby much easier than dealing with my sister. I know this wont be the case for everyone - we will all react in different ways.

A friend of mine is 5 months pregnant. She mentioned to me that her sister (married to much older guy who doesn't want kids) had kept her distance since she announced her pregnancy and had sent a cheque towards a gift which was really out of character for her. I asked my friend if it had occurred to her that her sister was probably struggling to come to terms with the fact that she would never experience what my friend was going through, would never hold her own baby. It simply hadn't.  

For what its worth, I think sending the e-mail has probably been good for you and, in time, for your SIL as well. She might not "get it" in the frame of mind she is currently in but there is no point worrying about it now. 

Not sure if this helps but just wanted you to know that its not wrong to feel how you feel. 

Big   

T


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## kcantwait (Jan 8, 2009)

Thanks tissyblue, thanks for your much needed support, it made me feel much better, calmer, and less anxious!!  So BIG thanks for that  .  

You're right in that for the majority of people who conceive naturally (those that wanted to), do revel in their joy, and we can't blame them at all for it!  And it's not their fault if they're ignorant of others who aren't as lucky, especially as we don't like to advertise the fact...  Your friend who is pregnant, is lucky to have you to guide her as to what her sister is feeling, otherwise I'm guessing she'd feel resentment towards her sister for distancing herself, and unfortunately it can escalate to huge proportions.  Ok, I don't blame her as such, but surely she should have had an idea of how her sister must've been feeling (though it can probably just take a while for a realisation to dawn on someone)!!  However, something my dad told me was that once people become parents, they can become very sensitive (protective?!) and can take umbridge if friends/family don't make an effort to visit them in their home to see their newborn (I guess that's natural too eh).  This is something I'm guilty of (but that's another story!). 

I never looked at it like that before, in so far as viewing a babies innocence to help with the pain as they can't be insensitive.  That is probably right really, it's not their fault at all, the trouble is, they're so cute, and yes, it's fine to hold them and enjoy them and to almost forget, but then you have to give them back (ehehehe )!

My brother has two children who're gorgeous, and I love them to bits (unfortunately we don't live close enough by to see them as much as I'd like), but they are 10 and 8 so it doesn't affect me, and when my sis in law had them (a different sis in law), I was fine then, because I had no idea of what lay ahead....

Anyway, I thought you might be interested to hear that after having pinged the email off, I got a lovely reply that had me in tears  , so I must've under-estimated her.  She actually said her brothers wife went through the same thing, and was told she would need IVF to conceive after TTC for 5 yrs, and just before tx it happened naturally.  I know it won't for us though as it's male factor involved (she isn't aware of the reason we need IVF aka ICSI), but it's still reassuring.  She also said another of her friends had IVF and has just given birth successfully to twins  .  She said she'd love nothing more than for us to have a child, and that she understands how I feel as she would feel exactly the same.  

It's difficult for couples who know someone that is in 'our' situation, because for them it was so easy, that I guess it's awkward for them to know what to do/say too, as she also said that they've tried not to talk about it around me too much, but that she didn't want me to think that they were excluding me/us because of the situation, so tried to stay as normal as possible.  

Although I question that a bit, as like I said, her prev email was not as 'friendly' as usual, which prompted me to take action!  But continuing on, she said she wishes I'd told her sooner though and hopes that now it's out in the open, I don't feel as awkward and feel that I can talk to her more freely.  She also said she doesn't want to exclude us in any way once the baby is born, and we can have as much, or as little to do with him/her once born!

So in a nutshell, I am pleased I got it off my chest to her, afterall, she is almost family, and now this way atleast I can feel more genuine when I next see her (I just hope that I don't burst into tears)!!

Thanks once again tissyblue, no doubt I'll be back with another emotional trauma at some point, and whilst I'm here, hopefully I can offer some support along the way too.

K


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