# Trying again



## KLconfused

After much deliberation I have finally signed up and paid for another course of ICSI. I had posted on this forum before and I was going to do it a few months ago but pulled out at the last minute. 

My daughter is nearly 8 months and finally sleeping through the night so I feel ready. I've seen loads of people on here who are pregnant with their second but im trying not to get too hopeful or excited. Im due to start the drugs around 4th Jan and im excited to be getting on with it. I think that's a good sign im ready. 

Hubby and I have agreed one more go and that's it. It took 1 go and then a frozen cycle to get my daughter so I know we may not get another child but ill cross that bridge when we get there. 

Wish me luck


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## benborg23

I just wanted to wish you the best of luck! You know this can be a hard process, but just keep trying! Positive thoughts!


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## Sashaj

Kl confused we are on the same boat! My lo is 11 months and I just made an appontment at my fertility clinic. We have one frozen embryo so we will start with that and then another fresh cycle if we have to. 

Was your daughter from the frozen cycle? I have never done a frozen cycle. Did you do natural or medicated?

Good luck. 

Xx


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## Sashaj

Just saw your signature and it says medicated cycle. Can I ask you why did you choose the medicated cycle and how many frosties did you have  transfered. I also saw you had a c section same as me. Xx


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## ayah

I wish you all the best.  Really hope it works.  Starting when your first is still little is a good ideal .  Tx is so long winded.  If it does not work though, you might want to think of saving up for another go in a few years time.  At three when  all my sons friends now had younger siblings, he started asking for a baby. You might feel then you want to try again.  If they not concerned  with having a sibling, you can always go to Disney world before they start school!

I read in a fertility journal that believing you can get pregnant before trying increases chance.  You are meant to visualise yourself pregnant!  So get out your scans from baby one and go have baby two!


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## KLconfused

Thanks for the support . I picked up all my drugs last week so im just waiting for Af then were off. The doctor told me I had a really good result last time so they hope for the same again. I got 4 embryos, 2 put back and 2 frozen. I got my daughter Isobel from the frozen cycle so I still had 3 'perfect' embryos that didn't work. 

SashaJ I had a medicated FET. I asked for non medicated but they said I couldn't. My womb lining was a bit thin just before ET and I assume they thought I needed all the drugs due to my blood test results. The cycle was actually longer than the fresh one but you don't need the EC so that's a big plus. Best of luck. Its a scary and exciting time. 

Ayah - I have read your footer and so sorry your struggling with number 2. Good luck with whatever you decide. My daughter loves other children and so im sure she will be asking for a sibling as soon as she can talk. 

I got out my photos of me pregnant and all of Isobels scans. It seems so long ago and my daughter is only just 8 months. I don't want to get obsessed. I want to be happy with Isobel really and move on but the urge has got me again. Im 40 in March and I always said id stop trying at 40 so I really hope it works in January.


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## ayah

Klconfused, so excited for you!  .  Really hope it works before your birthday.  I gave myself a cut offpoint, which i' far exceeded as every thing takes so long.  Mind some of it my fault as i'd put on so much weight, due to depression.  Comfort eater.

I met a lady in the park today  with a 15 month old daughter and 1 week old.  Reminded me of you as all going well that will be you soon.

Got the bill through for icsi.  Our consent visit is due next month, but just dont feel up to it yet.  Need to loss weight again, but you might have just given me the uplift to get excited to do it again.  Time to pump myself up with hope and a good diet, for icsi.  Glad this time I've FF as my safety net.  After this the money runs out.

Ayah xxx


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## KLconfused

Ayah - I love your positivity - imagining me with a 1 week old and a 15 month old. I really hope so. 

AF has come 3 days early so im off to clinic in a moment for the day 1 scan. Im having a real wobble and feel like crying  and im shaking. I have become worried about the pregnancy as I had pre eclampsia with DD. I read something in the mail that said your at higher risk of gestational diabetes and high blood pressure if you haven't lost baby weight from number 1 when having number 2. I still have 1.5 stone to lose from baby 1. Am I risking being with my DD to chase the dream of another baby?

My DD had a febrile convulsion when I was getting petrol a few weeks ago aswell. She had a high fever and after 1 night in hospital has been getting better and is now fine. But im now nervous of driving and nervous of taking her out. Luckily hubbie can stay home with her today whilst I go for the scan. Lastly my clinic used to be 10 mins up the road but now they have closed the satellite and I have to drive an hour each way. Why cant we just bonk like other people. aggghhh. 

Im scared of the EC too. I know there's no point being scared of pregnancy and birth as my odds are still only 40% for getting pregnant so its most likely I wont have to worry about either. My main fear is that feeling of a BFN on day 14. Theres nothing as awful as that. 

I know im lucky we can afford to try. But I hate this IVF journey. I cant believe im here again. I thought all this would go away after I had my DD 

Im telling myself a month and it will all be over and ill know if its worked. But I know ill want to try again if it hasn't even though I promised hubby 1 more try and that's it. ho hum. Off to shower and get ready for all the poking and prodding to start again. Theres no dignity in IVF.


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## Carter4

Hi Ladies  

Just popping in. In brief have a DD who has just turned one. We were successful on our third attempt. She was a single frozen embryo transfer and the last of our frosties. Unfortunately we have already undergone another fresh cycle in our quest for a brother or sister for her, and had the real clanger of no fertilisation back in October. We had not anticipated this outcome at all, and feel as if we have taken about twenty steps backwards. Our confidence is in the gutter. Anyway I too am 40 next year, so time is clearly not on my side. I will be starting DRing around the 25th of Jan, will know for sure once my AF turns up. Since I stopped BFing they have been like clockwork. Nervous is an understatement, I am petrified it will happen again. Hope to chat with you guys some more and good luck to you all x


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## KLconfused

Carter - that's so awful you had no fertilisation. That's quite rare isn't it? did the clinic say why they think that happened?

You haven't long to wait until your next cycle and hopefully this will be the one. I think it must be having a child already that makes me so optimistic about this cycle. But I keep thinking we had 4 v good embryos before and only 1 made a baby. Its so hard I know. My 40th is about 2 months away now. aggh. 

I had my scan and all was fine. I start the injections tomorrow and it cant come soon enough. 

I always find its the things I don't worry about that get me - like pre eclampsia and C-section - I was worried about so many other things. So this time im worried about EC and It probably wont happen. There's a lesson there somewhere.

Carter - do let me know how you get on. 

Ayah - how are you?


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## Carter4

Hi KL - The clinic suggested it could be my eggs, as well as DH's sperm, but his sample was the same as our original fresh cycle. The reason we need icsi is because he has 95% antibodies, along with poor motility and morphology. Oddly enough his count isn't too bad. All this taken into consideration, more inference was put on my eggs being cr*p. Supposed to only happen to <2% of people undergoing treatment!
Keep the optimism going I say, like you said what happened to us is rare. We do sound similar though, because from four good embryo's we got our DD. My 40th is four months away. I too had pre eclampsia and had to be induced (good old oxytocin, NOT, ha ha) six days early. Very nearly had a cs but DD was delivered by forceps in the end.
Good luck with your first injection tomorrow, keep me posted too


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## ayah

Hello ladies,

First happy new year to you all.  May it be a blessed one for us all.  

Confussed,  I know this is not be the time now, but from your post I worry that you are rushing yourself to meet your deadline?  I know i said it a good idea to start so soon, but i feel that your worrys are very dominant.

Sorry if i am completely reading wrong.  We have real concerns, bad birthing and pregnacey expirence.  The rollercoaster of tx.  Trying to be a good mother and meets our miricals needs.  Guilt for not just beung able "produce" a sibling.  Etc.  Then with all that we have to be positive for tx or why bother?  I am sure i try to protect myself by not being too positive myself whilst on tx.  BFN are soul desroying.  

Positivity is so important.  We must believe it will work, let our minds tell our bodies it can work.  I know that can sound mumbo jumbo, but people who think positive cope better. And have better outcomes, generally speaking in a general health setting  The trick is also being realistic and having the safety net ready, incase it doesnt.  Deal with a bfn if it happeneds, but whilst on tx we must believe in it,.  

Of caurse the worrys will still be there.  They are real.  But  prehaps dealing with those that are in your control, gives you one less thing to worry about?  

Sorry, that was so long and quite likely not what you wanted to hear. Soory that this probably has upset you.  And sorry if i am way off.  Feeling negative is natural , with what you have been through.  So assuming i'm wrong, i so hope this works.  Eating extra healthy now and post a bfp, i am sure will reduce any risk factors.  But ask your clinic or gp or a midwife here, if you concerned,  Some of the research publushed in papers is not an accurate reflection of the actual results.  But equally being aware, allows you to pick up any problems early, so they can be addressed quickly.  

Oh and do watch this space, as i dout i will be following my own advice when i step on that rollercoaster and my emtions are taken over.  I just  wanted to put it out there, just in case.    .  These emotions are so are so hard.  I really feel for you right now 

Carter you will now hooe i never address you!  So sorry for the outcome of last tx,  it must be so difficult.  I pray this one works, fir both of you.  

Confusd hope your DD if feeling much better.

Me i'm taking a brake to loss weight and sort my self out!  Got a dish washer on order, so i have oneless thing to do at home, and i dont have to see the messy dishes.  I get so tired on tx, so that will help.  Wish i could afford a ckeaner and cook!  Spending few days at parents.  

Take care me loveyles,
Sending positive vibes

Ayah xxx


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## KLconfused

Carter - I suppose at least if the clinic have an idea what the problem was they can help with it next time. Is it normal for the egg quality to go down that much in a year or so? That's must of been so tough though. I feel for you. 

Ayah - Im glad you have a plan. That's what keeps us all going through the lows. My daughter is fine and im about to head out with her for the first time on my own since the convulsion so were getting back to normal. 
I know what you mean about the 40 years old deadline. I made a wopping mistake in my life previously where I set a deadline that in hind sight didn't matter. But ive learnt. I was booked for IVF a few months back but I just didn't feel ready so I withdrew on day 1. I was so tired and tearful all the time and just not ready. But now my daughter sleeps well and I feel ready (a nights sleep makes such a difference). I don't know ill ever cope with a BFN result any better than I will now so off I go. 

I did my first injection today. Stung more than I remember but maybe its the blancmange tummy I now have 
Im just counting down the next 14 days. I want  it to be 2 weeks today and the EC finished. Although carter has now got me concerned about fertilisation 
I think that if its a BFN ill do the course again and if there's a bigger sperm issue I will consider donor sperm. 

Im in a much calmer place than I was the first time we did IVF. We had an awful 3 years before I got pregnant with lots of other stresses. This time things are quieter so I am calmer and not working helps. I don't know if that will make any difference but people tell me IVF didn't work the first time as I was so unwell as Id had a crohns flare and was still recovering. Ive now been in full remission for 15 months so everyone thinks it will work this time. Even me. Maybe I should see it as a good thing. Ive had an awful 3 years where I faced a lot of grief and illness and had to have CBT because I was so anxious that everything that could go wrong would go wrong. Now I feel a little optimistic maybe it means im returning to how I was before the bad 3 years and id love to be that person again. If its all going to go wrong it will whether I worry or not. So ive decided im not even going to think about pregnancy worries through treatment. Im just focusing on ET now and getting that far. 

I am counting the days down of this treatment but I don't feel quite as obsessed as previous and I regularly give my DD a big cuddle to cheer me up. Babies do bring such a smile  I can feel the obsession building but im trying to keep it under control. 

Thanks everyone for your support.


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## caro8500

Hi all

Hope you don't mind me joining in this thread but I'm in a similar position. My little boy will be 3 on 20th Jan and I'm hoping soo much for a little brother or sister to join him.

We looked into IVF again almost a year ago but I needed another operation and had some complications after so its taken us almost a year to get things moving. I'm now on day 3 of stimms (so a couple of days ahead of you KL Confused). I've been down regulated on prostap since my op (4 1/2 months) and can't wait to get rid of these blinkin hot flushes!  I have scan next Weds to see how things are going. I'm very excited and nervous at the same time.

Fantastically fortunate that IVF worked 1st time last time but worried we may have used all our luck up with our gorgeous boy!

Like you KL Confused we have agreed on 1 more go if this doesn't work and that's it...although think I'm going to struggle to accept that when/if the time comes! But hopefully it won't come to that and we'll both have success with this cycle.  

Wishing Carter4, Ayah and everyone else who is hoping for another lots and lots of luck.


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## KLconfused

Caro - I have my next scan Wednesday too  Do let me know how yours goes. 
Im on an antagonist cycle so I don't do down reg so we may be around the same time for transfer. EC for me should be Monday. Its funny ive been dreading egg collection ever since we decided to try again and now I just want Monday to be here and to know I actually have eggs to collect. I guess after a C-section EC should be a walk in the park 

Carter - how are you doing?

Just spoke to an old school friend who is 40 in a few weeks and she was very miserable about it. She has her 2 lovely children so it isn't just those in the fertility race that are daunted by 40 - turkey necks and droopy eye lids were mentioned!


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## caro8500

Just a quick update. Had 6 day scan yesterday and have 6 follicles. Bit disappointed to be honest (had 11 last cycle) but as I keep being told its quality not quantity so still trying to keep positive. How did your scan go KLconfused....hope you've got lots of lovely follicles ? Another scan for me tomorrow then egg collection mon or tues I think.


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## Carter4

Hi Ladies

Ayah - Very wise words and kind too. Feel free to address me anytime, I can take it   ps Hope to see you posting with positive news down the line.

KL - Based on my consultant's reaction I would say it is not normal at all for egg quality to decline that quickly. Her exact words were "I could understand it if we were talking six years in between tx, but we are talking two.......", make of that what you will. It was mega tough and my mood took a real dip, which I then in turn resented even more because it was the first time I had felt so cr*p since having DD, meh. Thankfully it was short lived and we focused on her first birthday and Christmas.
Please don't be concerned about fertilisation, it is extremely rare what happened to us <2%, we were either very unlucky or if it happens again, then there is a solid reason!
Sounds as if you have had a tough time, so I really hope that you are turning the corner and there is no repeat crohns........ha ha to the turkey necks.......how did your scan go?

caro - Firstly welcome and secondly good luck in your quest for a sibling for your LO. Wow very lucky to hit the jackpot first time though. No reason why it can't happen again. Plenty of time for more follicles to appear, and if not six is more than ample, it really is quality over quantity in this game. Hope your scan reassures you tomorrow, let us know.

AFM - My AF decided to finally put in an appearance today, a few days later than normal. I have to confess to being stressed this time after what happened on our last cycle, so I should imagine this has contributed to the delay. Was so blasé last time. Banging headache this evening too, so feeling a bit sorry for myself. Going to be miles behind you two, but will pop in when I can.


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## KLconfused

Carter - are you starting stimms  on this day 3? If so how exciting  It does feel good to be doing something I always find. 

Caro - good luck for mon/tues. I hate EC but I really just want it to be here and to have some eggs to collect.

I had the scan this morning and im on a bit of a downer. 3 eggs are ready but the others aren't. Back for another scan tomorrow and an extra gonal F and then decide tomorrow. It means the 3 ready now will be overripe. I feel so down. Ive had a good cry on the way back from the clinic. Ive been so relaxed this cycle and even been worrying about a pregnancy. I feel an idiot now. IVF is such a rollercoaster. Im so worried now about all the things that can go wrong when up to now its been going great. Im also worrying as im using up all my egg reserves. As the problem is with the sperm a sperm donor is an option. I feel im using up my eggs so im running out of options when I do IVF. I obviously want my husbands biological child but I guess im just a bit low and getting myself a million miles ahead of myself. 

Sorry to be a misery. I know im lucky to be here in some ways. I so hope we all get the BFP we long for. It really hit me how much I want a second child after the not so good results at the scan this morning. Its easier with one child already but also harder in that my DD is so wonderful I know what it means to have a child so I know what im aiming for and that makes it hard.


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## caro8500

Carter - Wishing you loads of luck for your next cycle. Hopefully you were just really really unlucky last time...it must have been really tough.  Did you get many eggs at EC?


KL Confused - Totally agree with the rollercoaster ride of IVF. I've been feeling much the same as you. I was so positive to begin with but now quite negative about it all. I had another scan today but the follicles are still not quite there, so I'm being scanned again Monday and now looks like egg collection likely to be weds. They haven't increased my dose though?! It was a bit of a shocker to only get 6 follicles and I'm still worried about the number of eggs I'll get and whether I'll have any that fertilise. So frustrating having to wait longer for EC as well. By the way I didn't know the eggs could get overripe? Hopefully the extra Gonal F will allow the others to catch up quickly for you...and you may get your EC before me.  


Starting to wish I'd not left it so long to try again (although to be fair its taken nearly a year from wanting to do IVF again to being able to start it). The nurse said that the fact I'm nearly 4 years older and the 3 extensive surgeries I've had are the main factors in reduction of follicles. Apparently my right ovary is barely visible due to amount of scar tissue


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## ayah

Hi ladies,

Confused so sorry it not going as well as we all so want.  I have not been here for a while as feeling very down and tired sonot up to reading or posting, or much else atfer being a mum and cleaner!  Im so glad you forging ahead cos it was right for you.  This bussiness is harder than i could ever expected.  I so really hope there is some good news for you.  I know what you mean about biological children/siblings. We want to adopt,but still want another child of own.

I cancelled my consenting visit on monday.  It was booked for thursday.  It is now in march. AF is bit late. No preg symptoms but my brain kept nagging me of the tiny teeny possiblity of a natural bfp.  This IF is due to my pcos, so there still chance.

To cut the story short.  Natural bfp.  First natural bfp in 12 years of trying.  Cant believe it. Done three tests in two hours.

I have not read all the posts. Im just so tired and the pages are blurring.  But i really really pray that you all get your completed families.  That your hardships are made easy for you.  Take care and thank you for being there for me.  Sending you all the positivity of my mirical natural bfp.

Love ayah xxx


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## KLconfused

Ayah - wow that's great news.  Im very jealous though  What a lovely journey you have just started to meet a new member of your family. 

Our problem is male factor as the sperm cant swim and we were told even if they made it to the egg they wouldn't be able to get in. But every scan and every now and again I still hoped id get a BFP. I know it will never happen but the mind plays tricks sometimes. 

I went for my scan again yesterday and it is EC Monday. Im really worried about EC so they have given me valium to take before I go. But im worried about not enough eggs, no fertilisation, no growing. Its nearly 2 years since we did fresh IVF but when I did it the first time I was very sick having just started to get better from a crohns flare up. At that point I had 6 follicles visible at first scan and I ended up with 10 eggs then 4 fertilised and we used all of them and 1 gave us our DD. This time there were 15 follicles visible at first scan. I was so hopeful of enough embryos to freeze some. The fresh cycle didn't work for us so im desperate for frozen so we can try again. 
Anyway at the scan yesterday it seems all the follicles are growing at a different rate so there's 3 ready and then there should be another 3 by tomorrow. So ill end up with maybe 6 eggs. That's lots less than last time. Fertilisation percent will be low as its a sperm issue so ill be lucky to end up with 1 embryo. I feel so pumped full of hormones, a bit sicky, nervous about next week and desperate to be pregnant. I also feel tearful and im so angry at my husband. I know its not his fault but I get so annoyed im the one doing all the injections, scans and operation etc. I came home form the clinic yesterday and said were on for Monday for EC (he hasn't come to the scans as he has been looking after DD). He said oh no I don't know how ill sort that with work, ill have to call in sick blah blah. I said well at least you don't need an operation so ill let you at least sort that out. My parents are down at the moment too and so im putting on a brave face in front of them. 

Caro - don't beat yourself up about not starting sooner. You needed to recover from the birth then have your procedures and save. If it doesn't work for me this time ill probably be annoyed I did it too soon and used all my eggs. There's no pleasing us women 
Im sorry you have to wait for Wednesday. I know how I felt at the thought of that. But its what ever's best for the eggs isn't it. Im sure it will be worth the wait. 

its nice we have each other for support and were at a very similar stage. I hope we all get what we want. I do feel an idiot ive been worrying about twins and what I would do with the frozen if the fresh cycle works (would I try for a third baby later). What an idiot. The biggest hurdle is getting pregnant and I feel it seems so unlikely now. Once tomorrow is over I hope ill feel less anxious then I can focus on numbers. All along the clinic have been so positive about this cycle for me and I assume that's because I have DD. They were very neutral the first 2 goes so maybe they know something I don't and there's reason for optimism.


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## caro8500

KLConfused- Good luck for tomorrow I'll have all my fingers crossed for you. 15 follicles is great and even if 6 are ready I bet you get more than 6 eggs. Can totally relate to how you're feeling at the moment. I think cause IVF worked first time for us that people have kind of assumed its a given that it will work this time when in reality its far from it. Whilst I've certainly not taken it for granted, I think I've gotten a bit carried away at times and like you I've considered the twins aspect and what if we have any frozen ones left ( don't think my husband would want a third) when actually I'll be over the moon just to get some eggs fertilised at the moment. 


I know its not funny but you're comments about your husbands reaction to EC made me laugh as very like mine. Before I went for my scan on Friday we were talking about egg collection and he said can you try not to make it on Tuesday because he'd got something on at work!!....yeah all right love as long as it doesn't interfere with work ha ha. They really don't get it sometimes!


Hope the valium helps you relax a bit before EC....only 2 full days till mine now  . Let me know how things go


Ayah....fantastic and how exciting. Stories like this keep me going. Hope everything goes smoothly for you.


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## ayah

Hi ladies,

Thanks for the support.  Been looking at the test all day.  Still think it a dream but not a nerourse ranting mess like yesterday.  Why oh why when i get a bfp am i not just happy!  Hormones! Love umhate um.

KLConfused and caro you should put thoses husband remarks on the "clangers"forum".  Men are on another world!

Really excited for you both for tomorrow and tuesday(?) . before you go in kLConfused remind them of your last reaction to anesthic. They may be able to use a different one and give you more antisickness.  Ask if you can take some anti sickness tablets home too.  Get in some ginger. It is very good for nausea and sickness.

Get what you were saying about twins.  I keot all stuff from DS but still given thought to a bouble pram and even bought a second cot last spring!  Bargin second hand but still!  In both ivf i haf 4-5 eggs collected and 2-3 fertalised.  Both times 4 3  score of one prebaby, both bfn.  I so shocked coming hear how many eggs some people get.  I saw somewhere that it good to have some immature ones too as it means the others are not over ripe.  

It is so nice being here and realising all those irrational thoughts are actually quite normal, and rational too.  Unfortunatly our men are all normal too.  How did they convince woman of past, that men are the stronger and more intelligent sex?

Really hope that you get to freeze  some too.  You never know how you or DH will feel in a year or two.  Babies are addictive.  If i didnt have IF issues I'd be featured on channel five with 99 and counting!  Look at me not even convinced Ive had bfp and hoping number three!  Today  hub told me to contact social worker re adoption.  He wants to get the ball rolling!  I said we should wait till baby is here! Yer cos i want baby and adopted child at same time!  Wonderwoman me!

Oh i wanted to suggest to that DH may be intilled to carers leave or comoassionate leave, as he hasto be there for you at home and take/bring you to hosoital.  My hub work has been quite gd with that.

Praying for you all.  May we all be part of a 2014 FF baby boom!

Ayah xxx


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## KLconfused

Hi girls

Caro - good luck today if your in for EC. Always nice to get that bit over. 

I had my EC yesterday and I feel much sorer than I remember last time. 
We got 12 eggs.  7 were ICSI'd and 3 have fertilised. 1 is an unknown and 3 have fertilised incorrectly. SO we basically have 3 in the EVA machine and now have to wait for Thursday to find out if there is anything to put  back in. 

I feel gutted. Last time we had 4 fertilise and all survived to day 3 so we put 2 in and 2 frozen. the fresh cycle didn't work last time so now im devastated we wont have anything to put back Thursday and then if we do we wont have any to freeze. If the fresh cycle doesn't work again we have no where to go. 

I know its irrational but im also angry at my husband. I know most of the issues on FF are female but mine is a male issue and sometimes its so hard to accept that im putting myself through this IF journey through my own choice to be with my husband. I feel angry that his stupid sperm has ruined 4 good eggs - eggs I cant afford to waste at my age. I know its probably not PC to say that and im sure the feeling will pass. 

I suppose I have to focus on us having 3 embryos at the moment and just really hope they survive to Thursday so we can put 2 in and freeze 1. If I had twins then a single baby I suppose I could still get my dream of 4


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## ayah

Hi KLconfused

Been thinking of you.  Praying that the little cells all do their thing and make it through.  

The IF is my issue and i guess he could think the same thing.  I know he doesnt have to go throw the hard stuff but he does have to cope with me going through it.  But i can appricate your piont.  It is a reflection of your love for him.  I hope that he is able to let you know and feel how wonderfuly special you are.    Tx hormones, anesthetic, hopes and dreams in the balance for all of you.  No wonder you have those feelings.  But uou are rather fantastic!   

My first ivf i had four eggs. Two fertalised.  One put back. Ok so the outcome was bfn but it could just as easily have been a bfp.  We both have weak family history of servere genetic defects.  So we may just have had an unviable baby.  Boths times the eggs were otherwise developing perfectly despit such low initial numbers.

Keep the faith, it ant over yet,  you could just have one viable put back and end up with identical trilpets!  That dream of four not over yet. I read a lady had two put back in december.  One didnt stick the other split to identical twins. So much is still possible  

Caro, thinking of you today.  Hoping for you good news.  You are special too.  Dont want to have faverates!.  Really want to see you both on the september/october due date thread.

All my love to you all

Ayah xxx


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## Carter4

Oh wow congrats Ayah x

Fx for wonderful news on Thursday KL x

caro hope EC went well and that you are not too sore? x

I had my scan yesterday and ten follies were counted. I'm happy enough with this for now x


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## caro8500

Well egg collection went well...I got 6 eggs, which although isn't many, I'm pretty chuffed with considering I only had 6 follies. Bit sore but chilling out in bed now! Now need some good news tomorrow regrading fertilisation 

Ayah...thanks for the for your thoughts...would LOVE to join you on the due date thread!

Carter...Good number of follies there. When are you anticipating egg collection? How you feeling about it all?

KLConfused.....if you are finding out tomorrow does that mean you'll be having a 5 day transfer? Hoping you are managing ok the anticipation of it all is a killer! I know you were successful with a frozen transfer last time but there isn't any reason why a fresh transfer wouldn't work for you is there? I think the downside of being through successful treatment before is that we have something to compare it to and want it to go exactly the same as what worked for us last time. Thinking of you.


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## ayah

Hi ladies

Caro great news for 6 eggs.  Will you hear today how many have fertalised? 

Carter sorry dont think that i included you in last post.  Same thoughts are with you too.  All best for EC whenever it is.

KLConfused hope you doing well.  Any news yet?

As always my thoughts and preyers with you in these anxious times.  Anyone else feel ivf is little like XFactor, when they about to anounce if you going through to next round?  Except the wait is longer and the results are not about fame, but love and family.

Must try sleep now.  DS if 5 today!  I have gone way OTT with presents this year.  Thought the dream was over for more so was indulging him to apease my guilt and sorrow.  Boy he lucky I did test after getting his presents!

In all this i have not asked after your little ones?  Hope they are taking care of mummy with love and hugs.  

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Good going caro, I think six for six is fab. Have you had your fertilisation call yet? I'm nervous, and that won't change until we get to ET, so although comforting to know I have a few follies, still can't be reassured in the way that we would like. I think EC will be around 27/28 Feb.

ayah - Good analogy! Was talking with my mum yesterday and we said we should quickly leg it to the bookies, and put a bet on. Some gamblers spend less money and that is essentially what we are doing!
Happy 5th Birthday to your DS. Hope he appreciates his pressies.
My DD recently turned 1. She keeps me on my toes, into anything and everything!!!

KL - Any news? Hope all is well?


----------



## caro8500

Had the call today...only 2 fertilised  correctly   . After the high of yesterday feeling pretty low again today. Just got to hope they survive for transfer Sat now. Find it so hard to get my head round why. It just all seems so random and unpredictable. 


Ayah... Hope your DS has a lovely birthday...bet he's been excited about all his pressies. My DS will be 3 on Monday. Feel a bit bad as haven't organised a party as such, as just didn't know what would be happening with IVF and when. Will have a couple of his little friends round for lunch Monday if the embies don't go to blast?? Also having a family lunch get together Sunday as the mother in law coming over from Spain so will make that a joint belated Christmas dinner/ birthday do I think. He is such a lovely little boy and feel very fortunate to have him. Luckily he's totally oblivious to all that's going on. 


Carter...Hope you're follies continue to grow well. When's your next scan? I would have deffo put a bet on yesterday but not today! But its not over yet. 


KLConfused....Hope you are ok


x


----------



## Carter4

I understand your disappointment caro, but you are still in the running. Just got to believe that one of those embies is the 'ONE'! You'll drive yourself potty trying to figure out the why's and wherefore's, so my advice is try not to if you can help it, focus on your two still going strong.
I think your celebratory plans for your DS sound more than ample. 
Next scan is ages off. It will be in Feb, after my next AF x


----------



## KLconfused

Caro - I hope everything's OK. I know 2 is disappointing but you only need 1. I struggle myself with numbers as I always think the more embryos the better but that isn't the case. I had 4 'perfect ' ones last time and 1 baby. Might aswell have just had 1 embryo really. So you really are still in the game so chin up. 

Lots of birthdays going on. Happy birthday to all the little ones. Isobel is 1 on April 20th and I wanted a party then realised its easter sunday so none of my friends can come. 

carter - the next scan isn't that far off but I know how slow time seems to go when on this IVF treadmill. 

For me I had ET yesterday. 2 embryos both good quality and we have 1 in the freezer. I keep thinking last time we had 4 embryos and 1 baby and now we have 3 embryos so maybe were missing the baby! But hopefully the baby is in my womb now settling in. I have a stinking cold so there was a moment where I thought we might not go ahead with ET but the doctor just said as long as its not flu its ok. So now I have the 2ww. I feel helpless already. I want to do something to help the chances but I cant. Im still getting twinges from my ovary and I hope that doesn't put them off implanting. 

Im already thinking what to do if this cycle doesn't work. Will I do FET with 1 embryo or go for another fresh one. Im still pondering. 

My parents have been here for 10 days to help with my daughter whilst ive been having all the scans and EC etc. They go home today. Im sad they are going but now it means I get my daughter back (my parents do everything - feed, nappy, etc etc which is lovely) she has turned into a bit of a diva and got used to lots of attention all the time. I think we may have some tantrums when gran and granddad go home  and that's just me


----------



## Carter4

Yay to being PUPO KL. Excellent news on your frostie, I would be so chuffed with that outcome. The 2ww is not for the faint hearted! Sounds as if you have a good relationship with your folks, how lovely of them to help out. Hope you don't go too nuts over the next couple of weeks, and good luck to you.

caro

Hi Ayah.


----------



## Carter4

Hope your transfer is going ahead as planned caro?


----------



## caro8500

Carter....thanks for asking. Transfer of 2 x 5 cell (average) embryos went ahead this morning. Disappointed don't think there's much of a chance but guess you never know. Last time I had 1 x 6 cell and 1 x 7 cell transferred. Just a waiting game now. Feeling really bloated and mildly crampy...not sure what that means. 

Is it ok to take paracetamol or best avoided do you know?

KL confused...how are you getting on? Great result for you so far and nice to have one in the freezer.

Ayah...when will your scan be. Bet you can't wait for the reassurance.

Oh and my transfer ended up delayed by 40 minutes....I have never been as desperate for the loo in my life. I seriously nearly wee'd on the poor guy doing the transfer and my hubbie said i made more noise than when I gave birth lol!!


----------



## KLconfused

Caro - im so pleased for you that you had the ET. You have every chance now so fingers crossed. 

Im now on day 6 post transfer. I think this should be implantation day if it works. Last time I felt a tugging when the embryo implanted so im anxious to feel that. First time I knew it hadn't worked within a week and second time I knew it had worked. Im working myself into a lather trying to feel things that im not sure are there. 

The time that ICSI worked I had to have my dog put down from epilepsy 4 days before ET. It was a horrid death for him and a horrid 6 months prior dealing with the epilepsy. I had already booked 2 weeks off work and after the ET I laid on the sofa for 2 weeks and cried and I just ate chocolate biscuits. So I know if its going to work it will work no matter what I do and likewise if it isn't going to it isn't. But I cant help wanting to do something. 

I still definitely want another baby ASAP (hopefully in about 9 months) but ive also realised that the ICSI cycle made me less attentive to my daughter. My parents stayed so they could look after her for scans and the EC so they did most stuff with her for 10 days. But from the first gonal F injection ive felt really tired. Im still a bit tired and sore and I just don't seem to have the energy to do with Isobel what I used to. I have 3 dogs we walk everyday but we also used to do loads of classes and meeting with friends. Im here with her but my mind it on whether this ICSI will work or not. If im lucky enough to get pregnant the tiredness will prevent me doing so much with Isobel. This ICSI cycle has just made me realise how precious my time is with Isobel alone and how much this ICSI journey impacts on my time with her. She is only 8 months so I know this is early days to try again but im getting old.  I still want a sibling but if it doesn't work I can at least feel better that ill be able to get my energy back and spend it on Isobel - albeit whilst planning when I can use my frozen.


----------



## ayah

Hello all,

Oh so mush has been going on.  Kl so know what you mean about the tx taking your energies awY from the one we have.  Keep thinking if it works it all worth it, but what if it doesnt.  Guess we have to do what we feel best at the time.  No right or wrong.  If you were knocked out with the flu or PND it would be the same.  She so young by the time this journey if complete is the age that will matter and then you can be there in full.  She just needs love and comfort now.

Caro, great news of two ET.  Now they are in the right place hope they get settled in nicely.  

Carter how you getting on?  Pray all going to plan.

I saw gp on friday.  No bloods just to book in with midwife!  Oh my this must be real.  Seeing concellor next week.  Will be 7 weeks so might see if can wangel a scan.  

Take care all.  Thoughts and preys as always.

Ayah xxx


----------



## KLconfused

How is everyone doing? 

Im driving myself mad. Day 6 of the 2ww today. Im trying so hard to feel the symptoms I had with DD but I don't. Im willing each day away as well. My parents will be here next Thursday which is my test day so I wont test until Saturday morning when they have gone home. I don't want a BFN when they are here. We have also booked to see a comedian Thursday night and I wont want to do that if ive got a BFN that morning. 

I am having the weirdest dreams though and cant sleep. I assume its the anxiety. Im also tired but I have a cold and ive been tired since the very first gonal F injection.


----------



## caro8500

Hi KL..I am also symptom watching!! I've actually been feeling  pretty awful since afternoon of transfer. Had horrible strong AF like cramps along with ovary pains and a really horrible heavy feeling in my lower tummy. Yesterday and Sunday were the worst...I couldn't get out of bed yesterday (felt cold and weak as well). Touch wood I seem a bit better today. I had strong AF cramps last time I think as a side effect from the cyclogest but only at night time not as consistent as this time...so worried that it might be my period on its way but I've got pretty bad endometriosis and my operation wasn't that long ago so hard to know what all the pains relate to. All I've wanted to do is have a hot bath, hot water bottle on my tummy and a big glass of wine...all the things I can't have!! What symptoms did you have last time KL....some women have non but are still BFP. Its hard not to read into things though.


I'm booked in for testing next weds (2 weeks from egg collection). yours is later than mine KL then even though you had EC before me... I guess each clinic varies. 


Ayah...Hope you manage to get an early scan


Carter....How are you doing?


----------



## KLconfused

Caro - are you having a blood test then next Weds?  I just have to do a HPT next Thursday and call the clinic. 

ICSI #1 my womb felt empty. I had shooting pains in my ovaries (I think it was ovaries) and I just knew it hadn't worked after a week. I felt so terrible at ET and I remember telling the doctor. She said everyone felt awful at ET due to EC. But I was just getting better from a nasty bout of crohns and my insides were all still very sore. 

FET - I know this might sound stupid but after ET (cant remember how long but think day 6) I felt a tugging in my womb. Id read that was a symptom of implantation so I was confident then. After about 7 days I think I could feel like a tiny lump in my womb. It sounds weird but when I laid down I could feel something was there. 

ICSI - now I haven't felt any tugging of implantation and I have had a shooting pain in an ovary. Ive been in crohns remission for ages so I know the pains aren't my colon. I don't feel 'empty' but I feel like my whole womb is gone into a big solid lump. Making me think its blob. I don't get period pains since ive had my daughter. Blob just arrives so im on knicker watch for blood constantly. Sorry TMI. I do have a weird thing this week in that I have had really weird dreams and cant sleep but that might be anxiety. Also a few days after ET I had a dream that I was having twins and I stressed about how we would send them and DD to nursery and how we would manage. What a muppet.  Its funny if I feel a gurgle in my tummy or something I think of it in terms of the baby moving then I remind myself even if it is attached I wont feel it move for weeks and weeks. But then I depress myself with thoughts of already having flushed the embryos down the loo 

So im analysing a lot as you can tell. 

Caro please do let us know next Wednesday. My thoughts will be with you.

I so badly want this to work. Please please please. Fingers are crossed for you too. Hopefully it will be a great week for both of us.


----------



## Carter4

Hi Guys

Taken a backseat because my timings are dissimilar to yours, but still watching from a distance! 

Hope both KL and caro are coping with the 2ww?

Ayah did you get that scan?

xx


----------



## KLconfused

Hi Carter - I saw on another thread you start DR soon. Good luck. I bet your glad treatment is finally here. Always feels better to me when Im doing injections or something rather than thinking about it. 

My OTD is Thursday. Ive been wanting it to come for ages and now its here I want it to go away again. I cant say I feel I know its a yes or a no. So I don't know. Last time when it worked I knew. I have parents staying until Friday so I may not test until Saturday. Depends if I can hold out. 

Caro is testing at the clinic Wednesday so im waiting to hear about that. fingers crossed for a BFP


----------



## Carter4

Mixed feelings KL, but did get a rush of excitement when the meds were delivered this morning.

Ooooh not long now, stay away nasty AF. Gosh I could never hold out like that, so kudos to you if you do!

Lots of luck to you for Thurs-Sat and caro for Wednesday xx


----------



## caro8500

ARGHHHH...the waiting is driving me crazy!!!!! Not long to go now but I'm stress eating like mad. Have my blood test Weds AM and they'll ring me with the result in the afternoon. Planning going out for a nice brunch with my Hubbie and DS to keep busy. Don't know if I could hold out like you KL although totally get you're reasoning. Every day feels like a week at the moment.Like you I really have no idea if its worked. The pain has gone which in some ways is worse as something seems better than nothing, which is completely ridiculous I know!

Carter...exciting times. Good luck for the start of your treatment. I'll be thinking about you

Off to eat some more cake!!

[/size]


----------



## KLconfused

Caro - im with you. going insane too but for some reason eating less. Ill be thinking of you tomorrow and do let us know when you can. 

Got a bit of period type pain this morning so keep checking for blood. 

If im realistic I wont be able to hold out until Saturday. Ill do the test Thursday no doubt as its driving me mad. Me and DD are up at 6am and my parents aren't up until 8am so ill have 2 hours to get myself together if its a BFN. I feel sick just thinking about it. 

Carter - it is exciting starting. It could be the start of a new baby


----------



## Caz174

Hi ladies can I join you please 

I am starting dr on Friday hoping to blessed with another miracle

Keeping everything crossed for you KLconfused and caro  

Carter4 seen you on the cycle buddies wow that's busy when do you start dr x hope all goes well for you xx


----------



## KLconfused

Hi all, my test date is tomorrow but I have blob today. Im so completely gutted. I haven't cried as im numb I think. Ill test tomorrow anyway but its game over for me. 
I cant believe we had 2 top grade embryos, im in better health than I was the time ICSI worked and I felt I was pregnant. Obviously was just the drugs bloating me up and making me so tired. I just don't get it. Theres no logic to it at all. Everyone at the clinic was so hopeful as we had great embryos and I have had DD. Now I have to tell me parents after they stayed down for 10 days to look after DD so I could have all the scans and EC and everything. They also assumed it would work because it did before. 

Last time our success was with FET. I just hope we haven't wasted 2 great embryos on a fresh cycle when we should have tried FET again. We have one embryo in the freezer but it was the worst of the 3 so seems pointless to use that one but I assume we will. Another load of money we cant afford and another load of heartache. So sorry everyone to be having a rant. 

Caro - fingers crossed for you today


----------



## Carter4

Hi Caz, I start DRing today, so we are pretty close in timings and my AF is always delayed when I am on the buserelin so you could well jump ahead. The other three ladies here (KL, caro and Ayah) are well ahead of us, but happy to chat here as I am falling ridiculously behind with the CB's thread. Last night I managed to catch up with the reading, but then didn't have time to post, doh!

KL - It is a complete mind boggling experience this IF lark, but like you say still test tomorrow, just in case. Don't want to say sorry to you at this stage, because you may still be in the running. When I had my failed fertilisation, one of the main reasons I was so astounded was because I was healthier than my original cycle. I too have more faith in fet's, and don't be disheartened by your frostie being the worst of the batch, my DD was exactly that, so there is no way of knowing. You have every right to rant, it is so bitter sweet going through ivf.

caro - Sending you loads of luck for today.

Ayah - Haven't heard from you for a while, hope all is okay?

AFM - Start DRing this evening, and my DD didn't want to be left out and has her yearly jabs too


----------



## caro8500

Hi KL...just to let you know I'm in the exact same position as you. I started bleeding yesterday afternoon and it quickly became full on AF. Clinic insisted on testing today so been for that this morning but I know its all over. Totally gutted. Been crying a lot and didn't really sleep last night. Spoke to clinic about going for another cycle ASAP as time is not on my side. I cannot go through another operation ( or put my family though it all again) so need to cycle again before my cysts grow back too big for them to go ahead with IVF. Will have a couple of months break though and perhaps look at April time. Sending you big   KL....its such a tough a process to go through. Will keep everything crossed for your FET, IVF just seems so random and here's no reason to say it wouldn't work for you especially after your FET success last time. 


Good luck Carter...will be be following you're progress really hope to see a BFP for you.


Hope all good with you Ayah??


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi All,

Can I join you please? 

Sorry, I know Ive only just joined the thread but wanted to say sorry to KL and Caro. Its so hard after everything you invest emotionally,physically and financially in a cycle. Sending you  

xxx


----------



## Carter4

Hi again Penelope, after encouraging you to hop over to the cycle buddies thread, I haven't had a chance to post there myself. I will eventually get five seconds I'm sure, anyway good to see you here!

Oh noooo caro, I was hoping yours would be the good news, I am dreadfully sorry hun, it's absolute sh*te. I'm assuming your clinic have rung and confirmed by now? It's such a naff position to be in, but hopefully if you are anything like me, you will be sad for a few days, and then get the bit between your teeth, determined not to be beaten! Big hugs for the crappy here and now.

Afm - DD decided to go A over T at lunchtime, and is now sporting a lovely bruise on her forehead. It's her first one, so I suppose getting past a year before getting a war wound is pretty good going. Just unfortunate she has her jab(s) in a couple of hours! 
Eight hours and counting until MY first jab, eeeeek.


----------



## KLconfused

Caro - I haven't seen you post but im assuming it was a negative result yesterday from the clinic. I did my test this morning and im a negative too. Been crying a lot, which is embarrassing as parents are here. Were going to see a comedian tonight and really not in the mood for that!

Me and hubby just seem to argue about whose fault it is. He says it isn't about fault but then points out im 40 in 6 weeks and so it might be me even though we have a known sperm problem requiring ICSI and no found issues with me. This morning I got so down because we had over 3 years of hell before I got pregnant and im devastated to be back in that again. we will do FET in 3 months but I cant bear to wait 3 months. Its ruining my time with DD that my mind is on this. Hubby has said we do FET then we do donor sperm as he has had enough of the whole thing. He doesn't want to throw more money at it when it really seems so random as to whether it works or not. Hubby says were not cursed and its my choice to do this. I could decide I don't want another child then I wouldn't have to go through this. Very helpful. 

I told myself if this IVF didn't work id lose the 1.5 stone I still have from DD so im getting on the treadmill today and going to try to focus on that. I know nothing really seems to make much difference to whether it works or not but i should do that for me anyway. 

Good luck to everyone on this thread cycling soon. I really hope you get the result we all want. 

Caro - Ill be doing FET the same time as your next cycle. Do get in touch.


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi all

I couldn't just read and not say anything. I've been following this thread as I'm trying for another undergoing my first IVF. I'm keeping a diary to note down my feelings experience etc.

Klconfused - I'm so sorry to read that this cycle failed. I turned 39 at the end of December so I understand the age factor. My DH has no sperm so we have always used donor sperm. I want this more than he does and it took him ages to agree to IVF as we always did IUI which is still costly but not as much as IVF.  It just seems so random whether this works or not. I'm feeling nervous as following you all and hoping to see a positive from you all would have given me hope. 

Caro - I'm so sorry for you too:-( 

Good luck to everyone x


----------



## Caz174

Evening girls

Caro & KL I'm so sorry for you failed cycles it really is such a lottery and like you said because it has worked before you automatically think it's going to work sending  

Carter I start dr tomorrow morn but have been on the pill so will only be sniffing for a week then I start stimming next Friday. picked all my drugs up today and had an endo scratch it's suddenly got very real .....

I've given up with the cb thread I can't keep up at all ...

Hope DD is ok I was the same with my DS he got to a year without anything and all my friends babies had fallen off the bed or the sofa then bang I didn't shut the baby gate properly and he fell down the stairs luckily only a little bump on his head but I had nightmares for days you just feel so bad, won't be doing that again xx

Penelope nice to see you hope your ok, you start next week don't you ? Xx


----------



## Caz174

Trin sorry goidluck with your cycle, when do you start x


----------



## ayah

Hi Ladies,

KL and Caro, Im so so sorry.  Random not even the word.  My thoughts are with you.  

I see there lots of new faces.  Good to meet you,and so hope all goes well

You too Carter.  Hate those injections.  No idea how diabetics do it for life.  Didnt even hurt too much but hated that little sting and drewing it all up.  Oh and Im a nurse so do this all the time, so how you ladies manage! 

I had my scan last week.  All looked well.  Not been feeling at all well, so not been on sight for a while, but you all been in my thoughts.  i am so gutted for you both KL and Caro.  Been there so many times past few years, I just hate that you are there now.  One day they may learn from our expirences so that our kids generation dont have to go through so much uncertainty.  

Hope that the comedy goes well KL.

Huggs n prayers to you all

Ayah xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

I've been injecting buserelin for the last 2 weeks. I had the procedure where they scrape the uterus also two weeks ago. Can't remember the formal name for it!! They say it assists with implantation.....we'll see. 

Having a scan tomorrow then I'll be starting injecting with gonal f. My predicted egg collection date is 14 Feb. 

Just don't know how I feel about all this as we could all have the same protocol similar situation but the outcome can be so varied😞

I hope everyone is doing okay. Positive thoughts to us all x


----------



## Trin Trin

Sorry Caz what stage are u with your treatment?


----------



## Trin Trin

Oops just read properly and can see what stage you're at. Good luck I'll be looking out to see how you're doing x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all! 

Caz, yes I start DR next Thurs!! I think Im going to be quite a bit behind everyone else as my EC isnt booked until w/c 10/3, which seems ages away at the moment. 

Can I ask, those of you that have had/are having endo scratch, the reasons why you are having it? I know it assists inplantation but is it something your clinic have recommended or are you having it just to icnrease your chances? 

xxxx


----------



## Caz174

Hi Penelope  don't worry sure we will all be hanging around to chat and there will be newbies joining it will flyby once you get going xx

As for the scratch I heard about it from some of the girls on here did some googling and decided to go for it it cost £100 max takes like 5 mins and can really increase your implantation chances do I thought what is there to loose. The way I look at it all the emotional and financial effort we put into this if a simple procedure like that night make it work I can't not try xx

It's as always if it works I'll be thinking maybe it was the scratch and if it doesn't work I'll think what a waste of time ;-)

It's the same with Accupuncture I had it for my first 2 attempts both bfn then didn't bother on my third and got a bfp it's a bloomin lottery :-( xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Caz, Ive been debating about the endo scratch but we have paid for a 2 cycle package and embryo scope on top so cant really afford that on top. Obviously if this cycle doesnt work then will be looking into it as an option. Im having acupuncture and have done for every cycle. I do find it very relaxing but like you I think its a lottery as to whether the ivf works or not but dont want to change anything for fear that it will affect the outcome!!


----------



## Carter4

Afternoon All 

KL - Not sure if you will still be reading this thread but massive hugs to you. You are at that raw emotional stage, but just accept that you will have a terrible week, and then if you can, pick yourself up, and brush yourself down and look forward to your future fet. This little frostie could well be the ONE. It is neither you or your DH's fault, IF SUCKS!!!

Hi Trin Trin and welcome - Looks as if you are a couple of weeks ahead of me. How did your scan go today?

Caz - Hope your first sniff went well? Oh so you will definitely be jumping ahead then! It is taking me some time adjusting to all these slightly different protocols.
I just can't keep up with feb/march thread. Maybe it is because we have LO's already? Gosh that must have been a fright with the stairs. DD's bruising was quite faint in the end.

ayah - Fantastic news on your scan, that must have been a relief. Keep us updated, when you are feeling a little less rough.

Penelope - Re the endometrial scratch, my clinic offered it as an 'extra', but in the same breath my consultant was a tad blasé about this and the embryo glue. This may be more about the consultant though, rather than statistically proven/unproven!

caro - Still thinking of you, and hoping you are as okay as you can be? 

AFM - Three days in for the DRing, and day 2 we almost forgot, you couldn't make it up! Alarm x2 now set!!!


----------



## Caz174

Ha ha carter I'm obsessed about forgetting they had me on the pill for 2 months and kept forgetting that a couple of days I even took it twice !!

That's why my dr is short as I'm already there as been on the pill x

First sniff today and it's given me a massive headache :-( I don't remember if I got one last time but I don't think so, this time though I'm on synarel last tine I was injecting burselin who knows xx

Hope everyone else is well xx


----------



## Carter4

I know what you mean Caz I am on thyroxine too, and on more than one occassion I have stood looking at the packet willing my brain to remember whether I have taken them or not  . My memory has been shocking since DD!!

Booo to the headache, the first time I ever cycled I had really bad headaches, so fx yours is a one off.

AFM - I am like a raging hormonal b*tch, and oddly enough NOT liking it, meh. I have read before about ladies being quite moody when DRing, and here I am joining the ranks. Although I have to say I am slightly sceptical that three days worth of buserelin could affect me that quickly, so perhaps it is a combination of that and AF being due.

Hope everyone is okay(ish)?


----------



## Caz174

Goodness carter I only started sniffing yesterday and I started a huge row with dh last night I'm fine one minute then the next I want to cry my eyes out...... Ha ha 

So I'd say 4 days on it warrants a melt down  

I was up half the night as I actually thought my brain was trying to escape through my scull (of course DS slept through) I actually washed my hair at 2 this morning as my head was that bad then today mid morning it's gone fx it was just my body getting used to it and I will be fine now xx

Trin hope the scan went well x

Ayah glad all was good with your scan and a huge congratulations shows you the good old fashioned way sometimes works   xx

Hope everyone else is ok


----------



## Carter4

Oh dear our poor DH's   ha ha! Having said that they most definitely get the better end of the deal, so not going to feel too bad about my current moodiness!

Almost sounds like a migraine you are describing, but hurrah for it 'doing one'.

The old fashioned way would never work for us, as it is male factor, or at least it was originally, now my older age is relevant too, meh.

Injection time soon?


----------



## Caz174

Ha ha yes they definitely get the better end if the deal and that has been said to him in past cycles in quite graphic terms  

Fingers crossed irs gone  for good 

No us neither also male factor 

Goodluck with the jabs I sniff at 7 & 7 so I'm all done till the morn  

Sleep tight all x


----------



## Trin Trin

Hello lovely ladies 

Hope you're all doing okay.....

Touch wood I haven't really been 'that' moody.....well I don't think so. Well I have been a bit snappy when I think of it...oops!!

Yes my scan went well, body is doing what it's supposed to. My lining was 1.7 apparently anything below 5 is what they expect to see. Paid for the treatment too the gonal f alone for two weeks was £700!!! I'm taking the dose of 225 so we'll see if that does the trick. Back for another scan on Friday. Taking two injections is getting to me a bit (only been two days) getting bad headsches😞

Egg collection estimated for 14 Feb. 

Can't remember who asked about the 'scrape' procedure but the clinic insist on this being done at a cost of course!! They say too that it improves implantation but to be honest I've had IUI's and been pregnant twice, couple with no fertility issues have babies all the time so really does this help I'm beginning to think this whole treatment thing is about luck. There's no logic to why it doesn't work.

Anyway moan over. Hope you're all doing okay. Have a lovely Sunday x


----------



## Caz174

Trin glad your not too   On the drugs I seem ok now just a bit snappy x

Glad your scan showed your body's doing what it's meant to, rubbish about the headaches have you tried 4head apparently works quite well but I haven't had it before

Hope everyone has enjoyed their weekends can't believe its Monday already tomorrow :-( xx


----------



## Carter4

Hi Caz glad you are feeling better x

Tri Trin - Yay for your body playing ball, but booo to another headache sufferer. Hope it is short lived? x

AFM - DR injection really stung tonight. My own fault because I tensed just beforehand. Need to get a grip because it's the stimms ones that really hurt, meh.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all!

Trin Trin, Caz and Carter how  are you all today? Hope the headaches and hormones are not too bad??!!

Im expecting delivery of my drugs this morning and then I will be joining you on the rollercoaster on Thurs!! 

xxx


----------



## Carter4

Evening All

Had a blazing row with DH this evening, so guess my hormones are still going hammer and tong. We are fine now, but I was so annoyed with him earlier, not least because I had pre-warned him to treat me with kid gloves for this month. Ho hum Penelope, guess you could say my moodiness is winning at the moment.
Did you get your drugs then? Anything that needs to be cold, is in the fridge right?! Three more sleeps and then you are up, up and away yay.

AFM - Little to report, other than I already have two bruises and it is only day 6, pah x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi, 
My drugs didn't turn up Mon as they were left off the delivery van but they were delivered yesterday. My little boy has chicken pox and is teething poor thing so I have a very grumpy sausage! 

How is everyone else doing?

Just a quick question, for those of you in work are you planning on taking any time off around Ec/et? 

Xxx


----------



## Carter4

Annoying about your drugs being missed off Penelope, but glad it was remedied pronto. Hope your DS is better?

I feel as if I am treading water at the moment, and that is about it from me.

Cant answer the work question in the here and now, but in the past, namely the first three tx cycles I underwent, the first I was on A/L for a week (bfn), the second I had sporadic stints off over the Christmas period (biochemical) and the third (bfp) was probably my least time off, but when not working I usually took the opportunity to rest with feet up.

How is everyone else? It has gone quiet all of a sudden!


----------



## Caz174

Hi girls sorry didn't see the new page thought everyone had gone quiet ....

Penelope have the drugs turned up now ? Your due to start today aren't you ? 

Hope your lo is feeling better I'm dreading the infamous pox :-( my DS has his mmr jabs today :-( still I suppose we have enough needles to get them 

Carter how are you now I haven't been too bad since Friday when we had our almighty row but dh was completely out of order he has had a dry Jan which was fab but obviously that's over so stopped for 1 quick punt on the way home which was fine but he also had a Cigarette and that's when I got p****d off to think we are doing all this and he did that :-(

Anyways over it now, when do you start the stimms carter ? Xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi,

Caz, yeah drugs arrived Tuesday so all ready to go for this evening after DS's bath time! 

I know what you mean about DH. My hubby used to smoke and during previous cycles has had the occassional cigarette and Ive lost it with him. He's away in Seattle with work from Sat for a week and alot of his colleagues smoke so just praying he doesnt give in to temptation. 

Little man is still under the weather. Have bought some new books and playdoh in my lunch break today so prevent the boredom creaping in tomorrow as the weather is too awful to go out.  

Hope DS jabs go ok. 

Carter, thanks for the info about taking time off work. For my first 2 cycles I had sick leave for 2 weeks and my last cycle was when I was on mat leave so not a problem. Planning on taking sick again this time if we get that far but not sure how long for. I dont like my job so dont want any additional stresses. 

xxxx


----------



## caro8500

Hi all

Just checking in. Spent the last week licking my wounds but feeling a little calmer now. Much like you said Carter...I'm down but not out!! Just difficult when the last year has all been for this cycle and feel a little lost now. Waiting for follow up in clinic and then will plan the next cycle. 
Although I've been gutted spending time with my DS has really helped...He's such a happy little thing and constantly makes me laugh...plus he never stops talking so I don't get chance to think too deeply when around him.  

KL Confused....hope you are coping ok? Its such a horrible feeling...hope you have some supportive people around you to help you through it. Do you think you'll wait 3 months for FET or any chance of doing it sooner.

Carter...Very excited for you. Know its totally nerve-wracking as well. when do you have your first scan to see how those follies are growing? 

Ayah...Many congrats on your scan. Hope you are feeling a little better? You continue to give me hope.

Hi to Trin Trin, Caz and Penelope. Really keeping my fingers crossed for you all...will be great to hear some good news at last.


----------



## Caz174

Hi caro glad your feeling  a bit better it's just devastating but like you say your down but not out and you have ds they are fab at making everything ok  

Penelope how did the first jab go or are you on the nasal spray ? Jabs were gone at we had a few tears fur the ones in the arms but he was over it in 2 mins  

Re time off I always went back to work day after ec but was never knocked out before then after et usually took 2 or. 3 days off I think the hardest thing will be having to carry ds around he can't walk so I have no choice xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Hope you're all doing okay!!!!

Been really busy at work and I try to keep my mind busy and not to focus on this all too much. 

Well I'm glad drugs are finally received and mood swings are in total control !! And it's all systems go!! I never really thought about time off......think I'm a bit chilled which isn'tike me when I'm having treatment....lets see how I'll be during the 2ww.

Glad to here from Caro and that you're in a better place now. It's the worst feeling when it doesn't work. Having failed IUI's was bad enough but IVF is a completely different league...I'm glad to hear you're coping better and the little one is helping.

Afm my scan went well last Friday and I've been on the 225 gonal f for 6 days now. I have another scan to tomorrow to see what's happening with the follicles. Egg collection is scheduled for 14 Feb. feeling a bit anxious as on this thread I think I'm the furthest in our cycles.....eek!!!

I'm keeping a diary too which is helping as I can write down how I'm feeling.

Anyway positive thoughts to all you lovely ladies and lets hope this cycle will be the one x


----------



## Caz174

Great news trin, pleased your scan went well did they say how many follies you have ? Xx argh ec on valentines day very romantic !!

Keep the protein up to make sure you grow those follies bug and strong xxx


----------



## ayah

Hi All,

Though I dont really belong on this forim anymore, it is difficult  to leave you all.  Having been where you are for so long,  I so pray that you all get your beautiful siblings for your wonderful DD's and DS's.

Caz, just think that it will mean that the baby will be concieved on Valentines day.  What could be more romantic!  Dose your DH need op for sperm collection or the "manual" way.? If the later maybe you could join him, with some fake candels and romantic tunes on the phone?  

Caro, so sorry for the Bfn.  Glad that you starting to pick up. Hope that you getting support at home.  How is DH coping?

Trin, how did the scan go? Hope that you have lots of a good number of follis. 
Carter hope your follies are growing well too.

Penelope hows it all going?

Just one more week then it half term. Cant wait. Going to have a relaxing time at parents, n family down south.  I still have not met my cousins first baby .  He was in hospital last month with suspected meningitis. Getting better now but a big worry for them. He was only one month old when admitted .  My best friend also had her third in november and i not met him yet either.  Just glad that i can go without feeling it gonna be really upsetting.

All best ladies,  happy baby making

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Caz - My DD was momentarily upset and then that was it, done and dusted with the jabs. Glad it went roughly the same for your DS. I have continued to be quite emotional, which is so not me! Can see why you would be irritated with your DH having a cigarette, how very naughty. I won't be starting stimms for another 10 days (approximately), my AF needs to put in an appearance yet.........it's today you start a certain stage of the process isn't it?

Penelope - Smart move taking time off, if you don't like your job. Is your DS still poorly? Can you remind me are you sniffing or injecting? (Ha what a question!)

caro - It is lovely to hear from you, and I am glad I was right about you bouncing back. Our LO's most definitely help when the tx cycle ends with a cr*p bang! Have you been given a review date yet? Scan is a little way off yet, need to have my AF, then I am booked in roughly seven days later for a DR scan, then my clinic start me on stimms, and I go back for another scan eight days later. My follies don't grow at the same pace, so I only end up with a few, meh.

Trin - Good for you being so relaxed, and yes you are definitely now our front runner. Hope your scan has gone well today? I kind of think your EC on the 14th is just perfect.

ayah - Lovely words, and it must be such a relief to know you can enjoy your vists fully, instead of painting on a brave face. Have fun!

KL - Hope you are as okay as you can be?

AFM - Plodding along, and gradually getting more and more bruised with these injections this time. Think DH may have to go in the pool with DD next week. If you didn't know any better you would think I had been in some kind of altercation or some very frisky baby making    xx


----------



## Caz174

Oh carter bless you you must feel like a pin cushion I am on the nasal spray this time it's much easier  

Stay positive and hopefully won't be too much longer xx

Hi ayah nice to hear from you x no dh has the pleasure of doing it the manual way ha ha think I will leave him to it ;-) our ec is scheduled around the 20th xx

Penelope hope the first few days dr have been ok how's it going ?  Xx

Trin how did your scan go. Xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Can't believe the weekend is almmmmmooossst over😞 

Hope you're all doing okay.....

Carter - sorry to hear the injections are causing you to bruise..poor thing. It's a good job they're well and truly hidden. Touch wood so far I haven't bruised.

Ayah - hope early pregnancy is treating you well. What a lovely surprise.

Yes Caz I've been eating protein so lets hope it will do the trick!!

Penelope I hope starting the drugs is going okay?? I can't remember if your sniffing or injecting 

Afm my scan went well. Lining is now nice and thick, I have four lead follicles on one side measuring between 9-12mm and a similar amount on the other side. There's numerous smaller ones and they're hoping these will catch up. I've continued the gonal f dose of 225 plus still taking the 0.5 of buserelin. Back tomorrow for another scan!! EC is still set for 14!! Valentines Day AND my 11th wedding anniversary😍

Funny as a number you mentioned how lovely it will be and I then realised that this 'could' be the date I conceive....which is quite nice if all works to plan🙏 We'll see.....

Anyway hope you're all coping okay and look forward to hear how you're all doing xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Afternoon all! 

Sorry Ive been a bit quiet, DH is away in Seattle with work and has taken computer with him and I take forever to type replies on my phone so using work computer!! 

Im not great at doing personals so please forgive me if I miss someone out, it isnt intentional! 

I think a few of you have asked if Im sniffing or injecting. Im injecting. They arent too bad at the moment but Im definately out of practice as they have been a but sore to start with!! No bruises yet but I normally do so only a matter of time. 

Trin Trin, good news on scan. Lets hope those other follies catch up. Not long to go now until EC, eek!!!

Caz, you wont be long behind Trin Trin. Hope you are feeling well. 

Carter, how are you? Has AF made an appearance yet? What is it with IVF that our AF's suddenly decide to go awol just when you actually want it to turn up??!!!

Ayah, thank you for the lovely post. I hope you are starting to feel better and are looking forward to your time away with family? Is half term next week? 

Caro, glad you are feeling a bit brighter and hope you dont have to wait too long for your follow up with the clinic. It always helps to have a plan doesnt it? 

Hope I havent missed anyone?

xxxx


----------



## Carter4

Hi Ladies

Short one fom me, as against the clock, just to say AF arrived ths morning, after nearly two weeks of downregging, arrgghhhh. Just going to ring the clinic to sort out scan for next week. Will read back later this afternoon. Hope everyone is well? Bye for now xx


----------



## Caz174

Hi ladies hope your all well xx

Carter fab news your AF has arrived enjoy it as fx it will be the last one you have for a while 

Penelope  hi honey glad the dr is going ok  x hope your not  missing dh too much at least you have nobody to argue with   have you got an estimated date to start your stims ? 

Trin the follies are sounding good, did you have another scan today ? Are you still scheduled for Thursday? That will be lovely to conceive your baby on valentines day and your anniversary it's fate my lovely  

Ayah hope all is still going well with you xx

Afm I have my first stim scan Thursday quite nervous as need at least 8 follies or will have to donate all .... No pressure ovaries   think I might start the Atkins diet to max the protein !!! 

Take care all sorry if I missed anyone xxx


----------



## ayah

Hi ladies, 

just a quick thankyou for  your kind supportive words.  Early pregnacey is proving very difficult, hub is being very unsupportive too. Any my poor DS  is finding it hard to understand why mummy cant play all the time or losses it over nothing.  Have not joined the due in sept, forum yet as scared to read any heartbraking m/c posts.  But one step at a time and and pray all our difficult paths end in joy!    Almost at the big 12 so hope the hormones will ease up.  

Best wishes to you all

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Hi All

Been a tad busy, but have a bit of time on my hands before I collapse into bed.

Caz - Sending you a huge dollop of luck for your stimms scan tomorrow. Fx you have an abundance of follies.

Trin - I am really bruising this time, in the past I have had either none or a few, but this is just getting silly. Clearly DH has lost the knack pah! How did your scan go yesterday? Have the smaller follies been able to catch up? I'm guessing tomorrow is an injection free day then (bliss).

Penelope - How's the DRing going? Do you have a rough idea when to expect your AF?

ayah - Good luck with your 12 week scan, be sure to let us know how it goes even if you do hop threads.

Hi to caro and KL 

AFM - DR scan booked for Mon morning. Trying to get enthused but nerves are more dominant at the mo!


----------



## Trin Trin

Evening everyone

Just a quick update. Scan went well today 19 follicles are all the right size which is a relief, there's some smaller ones too. EC is scheduled for Friday.....excited and nervous😕 I took the trigger injection just now which is 36 hours before collection. They've prescribed pessaries!!! Two a day for two weeks Andover if successful.....not sure if I prefer injections to having to insert things up my bum !!

Anyway Caz good luck for tomorrow. What a lot if pressure having to have a certain amount of follicles. Positive thoughts🙏

Carter have you tried doing yourself?? DH did mine for the first few date but I tried myself (something I didn't think I could do) and its actually doesn't hurt when I do OR bruise. You poor thing😞 yep no injection tomorrow😃

Penelope hope you're doing okay.

Positive thoughts to anyone I may have missed x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all!! 

Ayah, sorry you are still feeling rough. Hoping those hormones calm down a little once you reach the 12 week mark. 

Trin Trin, great news on the follies. Wishing you all the best for tomorrow.  

Caz, good luck for your scan today. Is there an option for you to pay for your treatment and not egg  share if you dont have enough follies or are you committed to providing eggs for the recipients now? Sorry I dont know much about egg sharing as we were declined. 

Carter, I completely understand about the nerves. Each stage is a hurdle that we have to get over in order to progress to the next part of the process isnt it. 

Afm, my baseline scan is booked for 25/2 and AF will probably turn up sometime next week. Im feeling rather emotional today, partly due to hormones I think and also because I've just heard that my cousin has just had a baby boy which has upset me a little. I dont get on with her and she was really insensitive when we were trying to conceive our DS so think its harder to hear. Missing DH loads too and hes not back until Sat :-(  Sorry for the moan ladies. 

xxxx


----------



## Carter4

Dozing off in bed, but just suddenly thought I must wish Trin Trin lots of luck for tomorrow. Really hope EC goes well x

Caz - Hope today's scan brought you good news? x

Penelope - Boo to your DH being away for Valentines Day. Hope you are feeling less tender today? x

AFM - Just feeling exceptionally tired at the minute. Drugs and AF are not a good combination. Night all.


----------



## ayah

Thanjs ladies as always,  just life if you want to get to the sumitr you gotta climb the mountain.

Must be quick as gotta get ds ready for school but must say wow on all thoes follies and all best fortoday Trin trin!

All best to rest of you and on with morning rush!

Ayah xxx


----------



## Caz174

Trin goodluck for ec today keeping everything crossed for you but sounds like you have a bumper load grip wing there so I'm sure you will be fine xxx

Carter hi sorry busy day yesterday then out for dinner with the mums last night so just catching up, scan went well the lining was 9.3mm which I think is ok and I had 16 follicles between 9.5 and 12mm so fx they have some eggs in them 

Penelope seems like your dh has been away for ages   Sorry your feeling down the drugs are bad enough at making us feel rubbish without the outside influences :-( hope you feel a bit better soon x

Ayah your almost 12 weeks that's fantastic I remember when I was pregnant I had a 9 week scan too as I was obsessed I would loose it, I'm sure you will be fine   Honey xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Caz, great news on the good follie count!! When is EC scheduled for? 

Trin Trin, hope you are ok after EC. Keep us posted. 

Just a quickie from me. DH is home tomorrow!! Yeay!! I wasnt missing him too much at the beginning of the week but am desperate for him to come home now!! 

Hope everyone has a good valentines day/night.

xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Thank you all for your positive thoughtful words, I'm touched!! Carter bless ya for thinking of me 

All went well they collected 17 eggs so let's see how they all do over the weekend🙏
Not looking forward to the pessaries tonight for the first time😕... Came home and slept for 3 hours....what a wedding anniversary today has been. We're going to order food in which will be nice.

Caz that's a good number of follies great news!!

Aya glad all is going well

Penelope glad DH is back tomorrow.....I quite like it when mine goes away...how bad am I ??

Anyway I will keep you posted xx


----------



## Caz174

Trin that's amazing news honey well done   You get a fab fertilisation rate xx

Are you having IMSI ? Xx


----------



## Caz174

Penelope fab news your hubby's home tomorrow it's ok for a couple if days but a week must seem like a long time :-( xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hey Caz - what's IMSI? I'm new to IVF....


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## Caz174

It's like ICSI but they magnify the sperm even more xx


----------



## Carter4

Your lining is good Caz, and great news on your follie count. When is your next scan, Monday?

Awww Penelope glad your DH is back with you tomorrow. Have to second Trin Trin though, I love the space personally!

Trin so far so good eh, long may it continue. Hiss and boo to the pessaries, yucky things!!!


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi all

Just a quick update out of the 17 only 9 were mature enough of which 5 have successfully fertilised. I was hoping that more may been mature to increase the number that fertilise however I'm hoping the 5 will do the trick for me....

Hope everyone is well. I'm off work until Thursday as its half term plus I'll be having my egg transfer all being well Monday or even better on Wednesday.

Have a great weekend everyone x


----------



## billsmummy

Yay trin that's fantastic news     Don't worry about the others, 5 fertilised normally is an excellent result. That's the thing with this game it's quality and not quantity, if you read through other posts the ladies that have a big responses don't necessarily have lots of embryos. Fingers crossed they will all get to blast, waiting for that phone call from the lab is horrendous. 


Have a good week off (pssst it's me......) 

Xxxx


Hello to everyone else on here   It's been a few years since I've posted on here, but it seems like yesterday!! Xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hello pssst it's me Billy's Mum lol

Thank you for following my journey and being so supportive and encouraging. I really do appreciate it. Those who have experienced the journey really understand what we're all going through. It's just a really tough experience and im really trying to be cool and laid back....well we'll see how long that lasts for....

I'm all for quality over quantity so I'm hoping for a positive phone call tomorrow🙏

I'll update tomorrow in my diary and on here so the ladies know how I'm getting on xx


----------



## Caz174

Hi Trin, great news on your embies 5 out of 9 is great, it's so frustrating when the eggs aren't mature, I had that in my last cycle but 5 is a great number. When will you get an update ? Tuesday ? Xx

I had my scan yesterday then got another one tomorrow then think ec will be Wednesday but Will know for sure after tomorrow's scan 

Hope everyone else enjoyed your weekends xx


----------



## Carter4

Hey Trin just read your update in your diary, great news that your five embies are all good quality and behaving themselves  , fx for an equally positive call tomorrow x

 to billsmummy too x 

Caz - Hope your scan goes well tomorrow x

AFM - DR scan tomorrow, and judging by the extremely heavy AF I have just had, I would be very surprised if I hadn't DR properly, harrumph. DD teething badly at the minute, so a little sleep deprived here in this camp!


----------



## Caz174

Carter how did your scan go ?xx

Trin did you go for transfer today ? Hope all went well for you xxx

Had my scan wasn't as many follies as before some are lagging behind now but going for ec on Wednesday so fingers crossed I get the 8 eggs needed for the egg sharing don't want to have to donate all :-( xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Evening all

Carter - hope your scan went well today!!

Caz - sorry to hear there wasn't as many follicles as you'd hoped for. FX by Wednesday when collected the others would have grown. I didn't realise with egg share that you have to give them all up if there's not enough. That doesn't seem fair

Penelope - how you doing?

AFM I had EC today.  I was initially disappointed and quite upset this morning that I didn't get to day 5, but the embryologist explained things to me which I never knew. Out of the 5 I had there were 2 which clearly stood out from the rest. They transferred 2 x 8 cell embryos and will continue to monitor the other 3. I'll receive a phone call on Wednesday. I hope I can get at least 1 frosty....

Anyway OTD is 28 Feb......

Positive thoughts for us all xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi All,

Sorry Ive been awol for a few days! 

Trin Trin, great news on the 2 embies on board and fingers crossed that you get a t least one frostie!!! If we get that far we may be having a day 3 transfer as we lost all our embies on day 4 the last time :-(

Carter, hope DR scan went well yesterday and you are now on stimms?

Caz, lets hope those follies catch up with the others by Wednesday and you get a bumper batch to share with the recipient. 

Ayah, hope you are well?

AFM, it turns out that AF was on her way and thats why I was feeling so emotional!!! DH is back from Seattle now but away again tonight. Its my bday tomorrow so having a massage tomorrow afternoon which Im really looking forward too. 

xxxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi all

Just a quick one to wish Caz good luck for EC tomorrow. FX they collect enough eggs for you and the recipient. 

Hope everyone is doing okay. 

Penelope - your DH is away again, I hope not for too long:-(

AFM nothing to report apart from 10 more sleeps until I test....


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Just  quickie from me to say good luck Caz for EC today xx


----------



## Caz174

Argh just lost my message :-( 

Trin congratulations on having your embies back where they belong don't worry about blast my lovely that's only useful if they are struggling to find the stand out embies xx

Fx for a frostie let us know   For the other 2 xx

Penelope happy birthday    Glad AF has arrived hope you have a fab day xx

Hi to everyone else sorry gotta run as just got to the hospital take care xx


----------



## Caz174

Hi girls got 17 eggs keeping fx that most are mature xx


----------



## Carter4

Hi Ladies

Feel as if I have been gone for ages, but just checked my last post and it has only been three days! Still I see a few things have been occurring, so sorry or being AWOL at pivotal points in your journey. DD has not been well, started going off her food a couple of days before Valentines Day, put it down to teething, but on Friday she was very whingey and clingy. Getting food, and even her milk into her has been an ongoing battle, no temp though. Anyway rash noted today, spots disappearing but still unnerving so docs appt in 1hr. Will have to rush actually........

Caz - 17 is a fantastic number.........

Oh gosh she has just woken and is very upset.......I will be back later promise xx


----------



## Caz174

Thanks carter xx is  DD ok ?  Ds had a similar dose last week then I got it this week had a sore throat for 5 days no wander he was off his food xxx

Hope she's ok xx


----------



## Carter4

Thanks Caz, it was initially thought to be some viral infection, but then it was changed to a reaction to her mmr vaccine. I was a bit sceptical given that it has been virtually 3/52, but after reading the nhs choices leaflet online she does fit the criteria, so I am relaxing (only a bit). Anyway back to the world of ivf.......

Caz as I said 17 is a really good number and I am optimistic that you will have enough mature eggs tomorrow to continue your journey.

Trin - Did you manage to get a frostie? My DD is a 2dt!

Penelope - Hope you have had a lovely birthday?

AFM - Back to my DR scan on Monday, nicely downregged, so was thrown a complete curveball when clinic left a message instructing me to commence stimms on the 24th!!! I guessed the nurse had said the wrong date, but when I was eventually able to speak to someone, it turns out it was indeed accurate, and was so late because we had chosen to use the embryoscope. Then we were faced with the decision of leaving this part out, so we could stimm earlier. Difficult because for once we had got DH's A/L just right (for flips sake). Anyway we decided to continue our plan to use the embryoscope, so I am humouring another week of injections, and have stimms scan booked for 3rd, 5th and 7th. The last scan is provisionally booked as EC is anticipated for then.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi all,

Caz, great news on the 17 eggs and hope you have had good news from the clinic this morning about maturity and fertilisation. Funny you should say about having a sore throat, Ive had one for a week now, its just going but have been worrying that as I havent been 100% it will affect the cycle.  

Carter, hope DD is ok? Sorry to hear that you have to DR for another week. We are having embryoscope too so I may find myself in the same boat at my baseline scan next Tues.  

Trin Trin hope you are ok in 2ww
xxx


----------



## Caz174

Hi ladies

Carter glad dd is a bit better, ds had his NMR the week before last and wasn't at all we the week after ended up getting him antibiotics xx he was fine after that but has literally just thrown up everywhere gosh it stinks !! And I want another one ha ha xx

Sorry to hear your stimming has been delayed it's do frustrating when you get a set back xx I was all sorted to start back at the start of jab then my recipient fell out the day before I was due to start dr really threw me xx hopefully you will start very soon and you will be pupo before you know it xx

Penelope glad your feeling better your dr now aren't you ? How's it all going ?

Trin hope your ok  

Afm got the call 17 eggs 8 donated leaving me with 9 out of them 8 were mature and I can't believe it but 7 fertilised !!! Before we have only ever got a 50% fertilisation rate so a real surprise xx provisional date for transfer is Saturday xxx


----------



## Carter4

DD better thanks.........DH and I were initially quite gutted at being stalled, mainly because we just hadn't anticipated it (we really should know better by now), but we are both of the opinion that we should just go with the flow, and trust the natural order of things so to speak, so we are mentally back on track again.........did my first injection tonight, didn't hurt but boy was it a bleeder!

Penelope - Hopefully you shouldn't encounter the same problem with the embryoscope. I get the feeling that we unintentionally made the blunder by presuming that our clinic would realise that we wanted to utilise it after requesting it last time. They clearly did not, hence the extended DR.

Trin - Hope you are fairing okay in the torturous 2ww? Although going by your otd, it feels as if you are nearly there already. Heaps of luck being sent to you.

Caz - Whoop whoop, how good is that!!! You must be over the moon. Hope your DS's vomiting episode is a one off. Keep us posted.


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Hope you're all doing okay.

Caz that's fab news 7 fertilised  so pleased to hear that. It's really happening now isn't it !!! Good luck for this weekend and keep us updated.

Carter poor you having to inject for another week😞

Penelope I'm sure not feeling 100% will not affect your treatment - you'll be fine!!

AFM I have a week to go before I test. OTD is next Friday but I may test on Thursday...we'll see that's if my AF doesn't arrive first😡 

Good news is I have a top quality blast to freeze  so I'm happy about that. 2ww is the worst part of the journey....6 or 7 more sleeps to go!!

It's Friday tomorrow - Yay !!! X


----------



## Caz174

Argh trin you got a frostie that is fabulous news  now it can be a brother or sister for little bump 

Less than a week now honey your doing well xxx


----------



## Carter4

Great news on your frozen blast Trin, and agree with Caz your frostie will be ready and waiting for when you want another sibling!!!

Caz hope tomorrow goes well.

Hi to everyone else.

AFM - Feeling a tad impatient now!


----------



## Caz174

Carter   it's not long now will be ec before you know it xxx

Got the call still have 5 embies going strong which is great news so going to blast but lets just hope there are some left Monday   even good news is a worry its a bloody rollacoaster isn't it   Xxx

Hi to everyone else x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Great news on getting to blast Caz. Good luck for tomorrow. 

Carter, do you start stimms tomorrow? 

Trin Trin hope you are well? 

Xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Great news Caz!!!! Of course you will have your embies waiting for you tomorrow!!!

Carter - you're nearly there but I know what you mean about being inpatient.

AFM just waiting feeling inpatient and anxious😞

X


----------



## Carter4

Caz - Hope you have been able to relax on some level today. Good luck with your embies tomorrow. Remind me is it two you are having put back? Fx for some frosties too.

Penelope - Yes I start stimms tomorrow. Just got a wave of nerves then, eeek. When do you move onto this stage?

Trin - You're on the countdown, but I won't say nearly there, because I know how hard the last part of the 2ww can be. I will say however that by the sounds of it your clinic put the best two back, so here is hoping!

AFM - Have had a very family orientated weekend with my side of the family visiting yesterday, and DH's today. We both know that we will go a bit incognito after tomorrow, whether it is good/bad news at the end of this, so thought it best to have a hit. Must say it has been a lovely couple of days.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all!

Just a quickie to say good luck to Caz for your ET and Carter for starting stimms!!

Carter I have a scan booked for Tues and then hoping to start stimms that evening but dont want to get my hopes up so will have to wait and see.  I just had a wobble and thought I dont want to do this. Im just petrified that it wont work :-(

xxxx


----------



## Carter4

Thanks Penelope  so we are pretty close together then really, even if you don't get given Tuesday as a starting date, which I hasten to add I am sure they will. Our predicament was caused by an oversight. Even though we had a disastrous outcome last time, we was not delayed for wanting to use the embryoscope! Its pretty tough both emotionally and physically what we have to put ourselves through, but we all know why we are doing this, even more so than before our LO's came along. No reason why we can't strike gold again. Trust me I am really trying to take my own advice after last time. Unfortunately that is the clanger of cycles that haunts us now xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Carter, we are the same. Our last cycle was a disaster as all our embryo's arrested on day 3 but after they checked on them so they didnt know until the morning of transfer which was day 5  . Im trying not to be negative but its hard after the previous cycle goes so wrong isnt it!!


----------



## Carter4

The curse of the last cycle eh Penelope! We have to believe it is going to be different this time, otherwise what is the point? Very harsh the way that you found out about your embies last time though, not that there is an ideal way, but still! Be brave and just hope upon hope that lady luck is kinder this time. Hope tomorrow goes well for you.

Caz - Are you pupo now?

Trin - Have you got any nails left?

Nowt to report my end, just psyching myself up for two injections this evening. Also trying not to fall into the trap of forward thinking for important dates eg big family get together in May, and I was trying to work out how many weeks we would be, and could we announce (perhaps in another lifetime I will learn)!!!


----------



## Carter4

First stimms injection done, yay and eeek in equal measures. Have to admit we both felt quite anxious beforehand. Hurt less than the DR one though, which surprised me, as my faulty memory had me convinced it was the other way around.

Caz hope all went well?


----------



## Caz174

Hi girls yes I'm pupo had 2 hatching 5AA blasts transferred this morn, still in shock we have never got anything graded near to that before xx also possibly got 2 to freeze will find out tomorrow xx

Carter and Penelope your really moving on now it's exciting try not to worry about past cycles i have a good feeling about it   Xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Excellent news Caz!!!!!!!!!! Welcome to the dreaded 2WW.......

Carter & Penelope positive thinking ladies!!!!! Stimming this week that's when the fun starts😜

AFM  I'm losing the plot not knowing  may test on Wednesday......if I reach that far. Feel like my period is coming so I'm now knicker watching wearing a panty liner just in case:-( Do any of you ever think yes it's worked? With m two BFP out of 16 IUI's I've never known that its worked...

I watched One Born Every Minute tonight.....🙏

Night xx


----------



## Caz174

Oh Trin  I defo feel for you but try and stay strong, hopefully they are good cramps  it's not over till it's over 

Argh I just tried to download one born but it's not available that, thought I fancied a good cry ha ha what will you be Wednesday ? I am already thinking of testing Sunday, my OTD is next Wednesday 

When I have got a BFP I must admit I knew already just had a feeling, which freaks me out more as if I get no feeling then it hasn't worked... Everyone is diff though  

Do you know what time of day they ring re the possible frozen embies ?


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi all,

Caz, great news on the 2 blasts back on board. Fingers crossed for that bfp next week! 

Trin hoping your AF isnt on its way and you get a +ve test if you test Weds. 

Carter, glad stimms injection didnt hurt. When is your next scan?

AFM, had baseline scan this morning and mixed results. Womb lining is fine and they want to scan every 5 days so wanted me to start tomorrow so that next scan would be Mon but I have hydrosalpinx (sac of fluid) which is quite large so they need to consult with senior consultant before giving me the go ahead to start injections tomorrow. Im just scared she will say we have to stop treatment. Just waiting for a phone call from the clinic now to let me know whats happening   

xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Tomorrow I'll be 9dp3dt 

How did you know?? You'll be 6dp5dt on Sunday.....

I received the call regarding my frosty just after 9am

Thanks for all the support guys x


----------



## Carter4

Your two hatching blasts sound great Caz. Did you end up with a couple of frosties too?

Trin - With my two previous bfp's (biochemical and DD), I knew in hindsight if that makes any kind of sense. With the biochemical I had a very significant dizzy spell early on, and a ridiculous sense of smell a few days before we tested. With my DD's cycle I had some obvious abdominal discomfort, the shivers/aches, and another bad dizzy spell (we tested on this day). Again my mind justified the symptoms as something else, overtired, poorly etc............so sending you tonnes of luck if you do test tomorrow!

Penelope - My first stimms scan is booked for this Monday. Have you received the call yet? Hope you are given the go ahead.

AFM - I have OBEM taped, but can't hack watching it when we are going through tx, so hopefully by the time I have a few to watch we will have our BFP. Oh and I have the biggest spot on my chin, bl**dy hormones are going haywire!


----------



## Caz174

Penelope have you heard anything ? Try not to worry I think a couple of girls on another thread had fluid and they were fine xx

Trin there were no particular symptoms I almost felt calm, different, I felt pregnant as stupid as it sounds .. I have had friends that have said the same and friends that have felt nothing and both got bfp's  

Carter know how you feel about obem, I actually started judging the couples on there as in why them and not me as horrible as it sounds I didn't mean it just the situation  

Yes 2 blasts and 2 frosties, starting to wander how my recipient got on now xx


----------



## Carter4

Caz will you find out about your recipient? 

With reference to OBEM I just get sad, because I want to be where they are!


----------



## Caz174

Yes will find out next week if she is pregnant xx

Trin are you going to test today? Don't worry about not feeling anything if you didn't feel anything last time it's probable that you won't hope your ok   Xx


----------



## Trin Trin

It was negative:-( knew it would be. I know it hasn't worked as I always get a BFP by day 10.....today is day 12. I know until AF comes its not officially over but deep down I know. My body feels back to normal...don't even feel like I'm coming on ...just VERY emotional. Don't know how I'm coping at work as any minute I can burst into tears ..

I hope you all have a better experience during your 2ww xx


----------



## Carter4

Awwww Trin I am just off out the door, please don't give up hope yet, there is still a possibility, and I really hope it changes for you (((((hugs))))) xx


----------



## billsmummy

Trin trin it's not over yet so don't give up  

Sending you a big hug xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Caz174

Aww Trin     it's still early you never know xx are you going to test again tomorrow ? 

What's your otd it's Friday isn't it ?

You do have a beautiful frostie too waiting for you


----------



## Caz174

Trin sorry was trying to do 2 things at once so sent a rushed response

I am so sorry my lovely you must be devastated, you did so well to hold it together at work, I have had a couple of breakdowns in the past at work they are the worst   If it is defo a no have a bottle of wine and try not to dwell on it

You do like I said also have your beautiful frostie so the cycle has been great sending you loads of love   Xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hello lovely ladies.

You've all been so supportive but its really over.....my period came this evening. I'm actually okay because I knew it was coming. I had my cry last night and this morning. This process is so unpredictable as my cycle and how my body responded to the drugs was very good. Not sure what next......yes I have a frosty but I'm not convinced it will work as what would the difference be 

I've had 16 IUI'S a beautiful daughter and baby I sadly lost. I kinda hoped it was time to be lucky!!

I'll keep and eye out to see how you're all doing. I really hope Caz and Carter that you have success with your cycles

Billysmummy I will message you tomorrow. Thank you for supporting me throughout all of this. Really appreciated it xx


----------



## Caz174

I'm sorry Trin xxxxx


----------



## Carter4

Ah Trin unpredictable is spot on. Revisit your little frostie when you are feeling a little less tender. My DD is the equivalent of your remaining embie. There is just no way of knowing. So sorry that you didn't get that elusive bfp. Big hugs again x

Penelope - Hoping your absence isn't an ominous sign? Give us a quick shout to let us know that you are hopefully still on track x

Caz - ......and then there were two (unless Penelope returns or we get any newbies). Hope one, if not both of us can bring it home for the team! Hope you are coping okay? x


----------



## Trin Trin

Penelope sorry I missed you out yesterday my brain is scattered at the moment. I wish you well also with your cycle and hope the end result is a BFP


----------



## Caz174

Hey carter  how's the stimming going ? Hope double injections aren't getting you down xx when's your scan Monday ? 

I'm going slightly mad ha ha longest week of my life it's strange as you want it to end and find out but you don't want it to incase it's the end ha ha as you can tell I'm on a having a down day   

Had to lift ds around a lot today he's only 14 months and doesn't stand or walk so I'm now wandering if I've overdone it ha ha we can never win

Hope all is ok with Penelope, a bit worried


----------



## Carter4

Me too Caz, I mean about Penelope that is.......hope you come back and post, telling us what silly billy's we are being Penelope!

It's next week really that it all starts to kick off for me, with scans and feedback <gulp>. The first scan being Monday.

Not long for you now Caz if you do decide to test on Sunday.

Your son is the exact same age as my DD, and I too am concerned about the lifting aspect. Also resonated because she is not walking yet either, so it is strangely reassuring that she is not the only one that isn't ha ha, most of her playmates are!


----------



## KLconfused

Hi all, Im back! 
I started this thread a while back when I was doing ICSI. It didn't work that time. Im back and doing a FET now. Ive started the drugs and March 18th is the day for embryo transfer assuming it survives as we only have 1. 

My DD was from a FET but we had 2 embryos then. So maybe it will work but im still down about the failed ICSI. I have also started the FET a month earlier than I expected as im surprised to be back so soon. Glad to be getting on with it. 

I think this thread needs some positive news and I really hope I can add some to others.


----------



## ayah

Hello All,

Trin so so sorry that it has not worked.  Thoughts and hugs with you.  Keep hope with that frostie.  Hard to get head round why some work others dont, but the is still hope in that frostie when you are ready.  I have been on a very supportive BFN buddies thread.  Went there when  first came to site.  The ladies there dont have childrdn yet but so supportive.  It can feel  wrong to let the pain out to those with no children but it might help to start a bfn buddies for those with children.    Hope that pain eases for you.  So so sorry.

KL great news on trying for frostie.  You may have had two frosties last time but just the singleton.  No reason why this isnt the one.  Wishing you all the best.

Penelope thoughrs are with you.  

Caz and carter, hope all goes well.  My five year old has had me carrying him, so hooefully your little ones will have made no difference.  Good for fitness.  Saw a picture of a woman weight lifting in pregnacey, if it what you used too it should be fine.

Thank you ladies for all of your support.  Im high risk, but its ok.  EDD 9sept.  

Please pm with news.  Best wishes too you all for more of what we have.

Ayah xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi all,

Sorry Ive been awol for a few days, phone has been playing up and DH has been away with the computer! 

Trin Trin, I am so so sorry to hear you had a bfn and AF has arrived. I hope you are looking after yourself? My thoughts are with you. 

Ayah, lovely to hear from you. Hope you are well?

Caz, the 2ww is so hard isnt it?!!! As you said, on the one hand you want it to go quickly but then on the other hand you dont just in case its bad news. Are you still going to test Sun? 

Carter, how are you feeling on the stimms? 

KL, glad you are back on the IVF wagon!!! Good luck for your forthcoming FET. 

AFM, clinic gave us the go ahead despite fluid so I started stimms on Weds, 2 days in and was feeling ok until friend who had first baby same time as me has just told me she is expecting baby #2 in Oct. Its not that Im not happy for her just very very jealous and wish it was me and that we didnt have to go through this in order to get pregnant. Im sorry to be so down. Just need to let off steam!! 

xxxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Sorry I meant to say, thank you all for being concerned about my absence and Trin Trin, not need to apologise for missing me off your post, you have other things on your mind!!


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi all

Just to update you with the final part of my cycle...I began brown spotting on Wednesday and the negative test. I tested on my OTD so I could notify the clinic and it was positive. Didn't understand and somewhat confused and purchased another brand and the same it was positive!! Must say I wasn't excited as I had accepted it was over and extremely cautious.

Spoke to the clinic and they said many women spot so try not to worry....I could have had a blood test but I thought I'd just take every day as it comes. They booked me in for a scan in 3 weeks. Tested this morning and positive again.....BUT shortly after I started bleeding very heavily with large clots (sorry for TMI). I guess this is a chemical? I never really knew what the means!!

DH and I have been arguing because he doesn't want to try anymore but I'm not willing to accept that right now.

Penelope lovely to hear from you, I know what you mean it's just not fair that we have to go through all this. So draining....

Caz Good luck if you decide to test early!!

Carter hope all okay too?

Klconfused - Glad to see your starting again. Good luck!!!!

Ayah Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy!!

Xx


----------



## caro8500

Hey Guys.


Been watching from a distance how everyone has been getting on. (I sound like some crazy stalker ha ha!) 


Trin Trin Sorry you are now heavily bleeding. Sounds like its been very confusing...do you think its definitely over for you? I never really understood what a chemical pregnancy is either. This process can be so cruel, lifting our hopes and dashing them on a day to day basis. Look after yourself.


Caz Good luck if you decide to test tomorrow...I was never brave enough to test early


KL Great to see you back so soon I'm jealous. Thanks for your PM, hope you got my reply...I wasn't sure it sent properly?


Carter Good luck with your scan on Monday. 


Ayah Great to hear from you. Woop Woop for your EDD. Has it started to feel real yet?


Penelope Good luck with your stimms. There's quite a few mummies I know who have a toddler same age as my DS and have had or are expecting their second. I find it so much harder to deal with than those who are having their first.


Well my follow up appointment isn't until 25th March...still seems like an age away. I'm really hoping to get another cycle in ASAP as we have holiday booked in June and don't want to have to wait until after that to cycle again but guess it will depend if AF timings allow it etc...Grrr. Wish I had a frostie and didn't have to start from the beginning again but hey ho.


----------



## Carter4

Ooooooh so annoyed, typed an individual reply to you all, and have lost it because of network problems, grrrr, so I promise I am not being ignorant, but far too tired to start again, so just quickly, hugs to Trin for the turbulent time you have had, hi to all the old names returning, and also to Penelope for coming back after your short awol stint, and finally a lorra lorra luck to Caz if you decide to test tomorrow xxx


----------



## ayah

Trin trin, so so sorry.  I got so excited for you! Are you still bleeding?  Can you test again? Was the test quite light. I had that with a chemical.  I understand that it is when a fertilised egg does not implant.  So i believe it means technically the pregnacey misscarrages very early.  The blast makes its own hormones which show on the test but often very pale.  But pale test not always mean it will be chemical.  Your mind must be spining.  Maybe in time your DH will be happy to try again. He may just find it hard seeing what you go through and he may feel it too stressful for him too.  They can be a bit on the sidelines.  When they not in control of a situation they can just want to back away.  big   to you.

Anyway justed wanted to say thanks for the congrates and hope that you are all hear soon.  My ds is five and many of his friends have 1 or 2 younger siblings.  But now hes started saying he does not want a brother or sister! Wants more toys instead!

Caro and Penelopy, goid to see you back.  Take care and biggest positive pregnacey wishes to you all

Ayah xxx


----------



## ayah

Oh i am such a sive head. Came on today to see how you got on Caz. Hope no news is good news.  Thinking of you

Ayah xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Trin - how are things? Don't worry about arguing with hubby. When my ICSI in January failed my hubbie wanted to stop then. I didn't. Were now doing a FET and then we have agreed to do DIUI (the problem is sperm). It took us 2 weeks after the BFN to even think straight as we were so distraught. 

Im turning 40 on Wednesday and feeling really sad about it. Im starting to feel im too old to carry on. Were doing things the wrong way round as well as we have done a few years of IVF and after this FET were moving on to DIUI. No guarantee that will work. They want to do a dye to test my tubes are clear and I just see that as another problem waiting to happen. I feel a bit worn down with it all to be honest. I had to have my young dog put down Tuesday and im struggling. These FET drugs give me a headache and make me tired and grumpy. Im just not sure I can do this anymore. I know I just need to get through this FET cycle and then see where we are. ET is 2 weeks tomorrow, cant wait to see if the embryo survives defrost and I get it inside me.

I hope we get a BFP proper from Trin ASAP.


----------



## Carter4

Ha ha ayah typical that your DS desires toys now eh?! I'm sure it will change again!

Caz - Everything okay

KL - I too have recently started to feel too old, so I feel your concerns. I never wanted to be trying again at this age, but sometimes life has a different plan for you. So sorry to hear about your dog, how sad, I would be thoroughly miserable tables turned. As always fx for your little frostie.

Trin - How are you? Has your picture become clearer? For your sake I do hope so.

Hi to Penelope and caro.

AFM - First stimms scan today, back again on Wednesday with a view to EC bing Friday.


----------



## Caz174

Hi ladies sorry it's been manic 

Penelope great to hear from you honey you had us worried then .... Hope stimming is being kind to you, you must have your first scan tomorrow ? Keeping everything crossed for you honey xx completely understand it's gut wrenching when someone you know literally clicks their fingers and gets pregnant. One of the mums from our circle who I have never really liked anyway is pregnant and all she can do is talk about how much she hates being pregnant, because she hates getting fat, she can't wait for it to be over and is never having anymore is it wrong I want to punch her in the face ha ha (don't worry I wouldn't even know how to  )

Trin oh honey what a rollacoaster you have been on   is it definitely your AF ?    It's such a cruel process I started reading your post and I was over the moon then read on   really hope your ok xx

Caro hope your ok, sorry it's such a wait for your follow up, I'm sure you will be able to get your cycle before your holiday, you never know you might be able to spend the 2 week wait in the sun that would make it go quicker  xx like you say though it is hard when the mums start to go on to have a second. My DS is only 14 months so there is only 1 that is pregnant again so far .....

Ayah how are you feeling? Bless your DS not wanting a brother or sister they are funny aren't they xx you must have had your 12 week scan now hope all went ok and you got. Beautiful picture xx

Klconfused welcome back, sorry your getting the headaches the first couple of days when I dr were agony I thought my brain was actually escaping through my scull ha h, don't worry about turning 40 life begins at 40 xx

Carter honey how was the scan today ? Details please xx

Afm everything is good thanks xxx


----------



## Carter4

Caz it's your otd tomorrow isn't it? I'm wondering if you have already tested? Either way I hope you have some good news to share with us all tomorrow. Oh and I say bop 'other' pregnant mummy on the nose, silly woman!

On my scan I had nine follies, exactly the same as my cycle in 2011, which went on to produce my DD (fet). Trouble is my numbers were also very similar To my failed fertilisation cyle back in October, so I can't take much consolation. The only difference being I am back on just Menopur, same as first cycle, rather than Gonal-f, so I am hoping it is this change in my protocol that makes the difference to the quality of my eggs. Not long until I find out. This is the week we know one way or the other!

Happy Shrove Tuesday to you all, pancakes were a hit here, yay.


----------



## Caz174

Carter great news about your follies let's say it's defo just like the cycle you got your daughter from please it's a more positive spin   xx


Afm yes otd tomorrow and all will be revealed xxxx


----------



## Carter4

Ooooh Caz I am excited for you, don't leave us hanging too long   xxx


----------



## Caz174

Ha ha yes it will be a relief to get it over with

Ayah thanks for checking in otd is tomorrow, hope your ok 

Xxx


----------



## ayah

Caz all best for today!

Kl happy birthday for today.  I know it has a gray lining, but we now cant retire till we are 68 so that technically makes you 40 at 48!  And still chance to have baby whilst you are 40.  all best with fet.  Which you concieved at 39. Yes i know that all easy forme to say at not quite 37 but  it just isnt too late, just a bit later than hopped.  

Take care every one.

Must try to sleep, back at work now and working on so no lay iis.  Mmm diff need more sleep before work!  That ment to be working on something new!  

Ayah xxx


----------



## Caz174

Morning girls just to let you know I got a   This morning so over the moon   but am convinced that the test I did yesterday had a darker line so I am secretly freaking out that it's not going to stick ha ha it's all non stop worry isn't it  xxx

Thanks for all your support girls it's been so appreciated


----------



## Carter4

Whahoooo fantastic news on your  , now step away from the poas! Congratulations       xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Congratulations!!! That's fab news!!! Xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Just a quickie from me to say a massive congrats to you Caz on your bfp!!!! Great news!! 

Good luck Carter with your scan today and hope you get the go ahead for EC on Fri. 

Trin, hope you are ok?


----------



## caro8500

Just a quick one as I'm on the way out of the house....congrats Caz that's brilliant news!!!


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi ladies

Thank you all for asking how I'm doing. I'm okay still a bit delicate. Clinic asked me to do another test!!! Really I was bleeding like a running tap!! Anyway I did it and the positive has literally gone. I have a review appointment tomorrow to discuss cycle etc.. 

Who was I fooling to think I'd be first time lucky. Well I'm not giving up on my dream and DH will just have to accept. I always be my way lol.

I'm going to lurk around to see how you all get on. Carter - I believe your next so good luck tomorrow. Penelope - hope you're in better spirits now. Klconfused - how's it going?


----------



## Carter4

Evening All

Well in approximately 14hrs time I will be having EC! Last scan did not go as well as we would have liked, so unfortunately my brain has gone into self preservation mode and is expecting the worse tomorrow. Was informed that there were in fact only four follies worth noting, and of these three may not be mature come EC, however we could not be rolled until Monday because there was a risk of losing them. The third option was the scarey prospect of abandoning the cycle. DH and I did not want to do the latter, because my eggs are just getting older all the time. The consultant advised tomorrow, so here we are AGAIN. Not feeling particularly optimistic, and I know it only takes one, but the odds are looking poor. Really wanted a result for obvious reasons, but it would be nice to do it for the oldies too. Sorry no personals xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Good luck for tomorrow Carter. I have everything crossed that there are more follies at EC tomorrow and you get a few nature eggs. As you said you only need one!! Try to stay positive lovely. Let us know how you get on 

Trin Trin, sending you big hugs. So so sorry to hear what you've been through. Look after yourself and good luck for your follow up appointment. Let's hope they can give you some answers and help you plan for your FET xx


----------



## Carter4

Thanks ever so much Penelope x

Trin - I am glad your clinic are able to see you so soon, and I hope that tomorrow sheds light on your next plan of action. Good on you for not giving up, not sure I will be able to find strength for another go. Thank you for sticking around and keeping an eye, not always an easy thing to do after suffering a disappointment.

Hi to any other readers xxx


----------



## ayah

Caz wwow great news!  Here to the next wait, till the 7 week scan.  Pray all goes well!  

Carter all best for EC.  I had three or four i think on last ivf scan.  Then ghey got 7 on the day!  Five mature.  So they still may be better than they looked.  Praying ghe spdcial one with bfp on it is in there.

Trintrin, glad to hear that you plan to get your way!  That frostie isnt waiting in the cold for a holiday, it looking for somwhere nice and warm to stay!  Sure DH will be supportive once he sees your she- Rar strength shining through!  Hope you get some good answers tomorrow

Penelopy and KL take care and all best

Ayah xxx


----------



## Caz174

Ayah thanks honey xx

Carter please try not to worry I was told that I had 8 follies the right size and they got 17 eggs from god knows where, I am keeping everything crossed for you honey   Xxxx

Penelope hope the stimms are still going ok and your scans have been good assume ec will be early next week for you how exciting x

Trin oh goodness you have well and truly been through it haven't you   at least you have your follow up really quickly, fingers crossed you get some answers xx

Hi to everyone else xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Carter - all the best for tomorrow. Positive thoughts my love and try not to put so much pressure on yourself (easier said than done I know). Remember its quality not quantity xx


----------



## caro8500

Carter...just wanted to wish you loads of luck for tomorrow.  Its so nerve racking but keep positive if you can. x


----------



## Carter4

Ladies thank you so much, your kind words are very appreciated. My pma has been renewed, just hope the colly-wobble I had doesn't amount to anything. Not long until I find out xx


----------



## KLconfused

So glad we have some good news on this thread.

Carter - how was EC?

Caro - hang on in there, were in march now so not too long until your appointment. I did get your PM thanks. 

Trin - big hugs

Sorry if ive missed people off. 

AFM well ive turned 40. Have to say so far it sucks. Ive had my hair done and a bit of a pamper but It hasn't helped. PMA severely missing from me, sorry to be a misery guts. My ET is March 18th so 11 days yet and counting. This seems like the longest month ever - well since the last IVF cycle that is. 
Im really doubting my desire to keep going if this doesn't work. When the last ICSI failed I wanted to try again immediately. Now I don't think I can do it anymore. Maybe its the drugs. Hopefully I wont have to do it again if this time works. I think last time was similar. 1st go at ICSI and I thought it would work and didn't see why it wouldn't. It didn't work. Then when we did FET I thought it wouldn't work as I didn't see why it would. This times been exactly the same. Thought it would work last time but it didn't and now I think why will it work this time?? 
Just got to keep counting down the days. Really hope I have some good new son my OTD of 1st April.


----------



## Carter4

Hey Guys

On thin ice again, 3 eggs collected, although all 3 mature. All hinges on tomorrow's call! In under 18hrs we'll know one way or another. Can't believe I am desperate to get to ET, the 2ww or outcome doesn't even focus right now.

KL will comment on your post tomorrow, when hopefully I am in a better headspace x


----------



## Trin Trin

Just a quickie as I don't want to read and run.

Carter fingers crossed with tomorrow's call🙏 xx


----------



## Caz174

Argh just wrote a long message and my broadband went down  

Carter I really hope all went ok honey thinking of you xxxx

KLconfused firstly happy birthday   And your only 40 that's nothing   I completely understand what you mean though this whole process is so draining  emotionally and physically but you will find  what you need to to keep going xx we had 2 completely failed attempts then a miscarriage and on the final frozen attempt I was sure it wasn't even worth it and that's my ds  I'm sure this one will work and if it doesn't you can sit back and decide what you want to do one step at a time is the best way forward xxx


----------



## Caz174

Sorry carter your reply wasn't coming up   xxx there may only be three bit keeping everything crossed they are 3 amazing ones that all fertilise   For a great call for you tomorrow   Xxx try to get some rest if you can to make sure your in tip top condition for having those embies put back in xxxxx


----------



## caro8500

Managed to lose my reply as well!!!

Carter...Great to get 3 eggs from 4 follies. Can only take it one step at a time, no need to think too far ahead at the moment (although hard not to) Hope you manage to get some sleep and fingers crossed for tomorrow

KL....Don't be too hard on yourself about the lack of PMA at the moment. It becomes all consuming and totally takes over life so not surprising you're struggling with the idea of doing it all again...but hopefully you won't have to hun. U still in with a good shot. Know what you mean about time dragging though...who knows when my next cycle will be.

Hi to everyone else x

AFM....thought I might be pregnant this week but after some uncertainty around testing I now know deffo not . A much needed night out with the girls tomorrow!


----------



## caro8500

Wow Caz just seen you're recipient BFP as well ( must have missed that from earlier in the thread) That's amazing!!


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning ladies, 

Just a quickie from me to say great news on the 3 eggs Carter and good luck for the phone call later xxx


----------



## Caz174

Goodluck carter keeping everything crossed for you xxx


----------



## Carter4

Well only one fertilised. I am trying to remain optimistic, but failing miserably. DH keeps saying we would have given anything last cycle to be in with a shot, but it is too much riding on one solitary embie, pah.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

I understand why you are disappointed Carter but as your hubby said it's better than your last cycle and as we know it only takes 1 embie. Are you having a day 2/3 transfer? Xx


----------



## Carter4

Day 3 Penelope. I am sure it would have been a 2dt, but my clinic doesn't open on a Sunday. I'm worried something bad will happen between now and Monday afternoon. The embryologist said 95% are usually okay once fertilised, but as you and I have unfortunately discovered, the small unlucky percentage exists nonetheless!

Where are you upto now? I am lost with our cycle x


----------



## Trin Trin

Positive thoughts Carter!!!  I know it's easer said than done. The remaining embryo will be THE one xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Carter, I know what you mean but I'm hoping that lightening won't strike twice?!? You have the embryo scope so you embie is in best possible place until it comes back to you on Mon. 

I had a scan Fri and there were a few follies that needed to catch up so have another scan mon when hopefully they will make a decision about EC. I'm desperate to get to EC now but also petrified at the same time!!

Xx


----------



## Carter4

Thanks Trin hope so! I hope you are okay? x

Penelope - Didn't use the embryoscope in the end, little point with the numbers we had. Good to hear about your progress, and good luck for your scan on Monday x


----------



## Caz174

Sorry carter been out most of the day .... I'm sorry to hear you didn't get more fertilised and as the girls say although a cliche it does take only 1 and I'm sure come day 3 it will be there waiting for you xxx I know it must be so hard but please try and stay positive honey    Xx

Penelope hope the scan Monday goes well and you get some confirmation of a date it's horrible being up in the air xxx

Caro yes only found out a couple of dats ago apparently she was over the moon and so excited it made me want to cry xx to start honestly we were looking into it for financial reasons but as I went for that first consultation and carried on through the process it has been so rewarding but does heap a load  more pressure on you as it's 2 people's dreams xxx


----------



## Carter4

No worries Caz.......that is the trouble despite the odds being stacked against us, I do keep having flashes of positivity, incredible really, and that is what this whole process does to you. Just impatient for Monday now, so I know for a fact that we are going to ET or not x ps I see double congrats are in order for your recipient, excellent news x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi, sorry for the lack of personals...not feeling very well today so pma is a little low. 

Just wanted to wish Carter all the best for tomorrow. Let us know how you get on xxx


----------



## Carter4

Awww Penelope hope it is just where you are growing lots of big juicey follies. Thanks for the good luck message. Will update whichever way it goes.

AFM - Had a lovely morning in the park in the glorious sunshine with DH and DD. Just chilling now, and making the most of the calm before the storm.

Hope you are all having a good weekend? xxx


----------



## Caz174

Carter I am keeping everything crossed for you and   That all goes well tomorrow sending you a massive   Xxxx

Sorry you are getting some pain towards the end of stimming it can get uncomfortable fx it's a good sign xxx


----------



## Carter4

Well I have read quite a few signatures with happy endings under very similar circumstances, so I am definitely more hopeful than I was. I will be back in the game same as any of us if we can just get to transfer. In roughly 12hrs time we should know. 

Have any of you been offered or used embryo glue? Just another mini dilemma we are having?

Hope you are feeling okay Penelope?

Caz how are you feeling? 

KL - How are you?

Hi to Trin, Ayah and caro

xxxxxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Carter just to say I used the glue.....many women on the thread of my clinic used it and had success. Well with me I got a BFP but it wasn't meant to be.....

As you probably know its supposed to assist with implantation.

All the best for tomorrow xx


----------



## ayah

Just a auick, all the best Carter.  Prayers are with you that you can move to the stress of the two week wait! Lol.  

Caz, you had same good embies there!  Do you get the chance to meet them?  Think I would be wanting to keep in touch, though I can see cons to that too.

Penelopy, hope you feeling better.  KL and Caro and Trin, all best.

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

One seven cell, grade 2-3 embie ready and waiting for me, ET this afternoon. Not brilliant I know, but it is amazing how the goalposts shift so quickly. Before I would have been disappointed (have read lots of negative 'stuff' about odd numbered cells), not fussed so much about the grading, but now I am like, hey we are still in with a chance, and for that I am grateful. Just want our little embie back home with us. I've seen some crazy sh*t on this rollercoaster, so you just never know. Without hope we are lost xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Yeah!!!! Fab news Carter!! Wishing you all the best for ET later xx


----------



## Carter4

Thanks Penelope........you haven't said how your scan went, or is this later?

Trin - Meant to thankyou for your embryo glue input, we figured we need all the help we can get. Reckon it will become standard practice down the line anyway.

Ayah - I will soon be having the pleasure of the 2ww, hurrah, time to go even more  !

Hi to the rest of the gang xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi ladies

Carter - that's excellent news!!! This will be your special embryo!!!

Penelope - how you getting on? How did your scan go?

Klconfused - 40 is the new 30!!!! Age they say is just a number but in the fertility world I know it has its drawbacks.....but lets be positive.

AFM I need your opinion ladies. I have a single frosty which I found out is a grade BB it's not as good as they made out when I received the call....but hey it's a blast and it can do the trick and be a potential baby

Do I do another fresh cycle them see what happens and then do a FET or do the FET first?? Also did you all do a natural or stimulated FET? 

I'm not sure what to do


----------



## Caz174

Hi ladies 

Carter fab news about your embie hope transfer went ok and welcome to the 2ww fx it has a fantastic end for you  

Trin it's a tough one, the power to see into the future in this game would be immense ... I am however biased. We had one frostie graded BC on freezing dropped to CC on defrosting but that little frostie is my beautiful son ... However that was on the nhs so there was no cost so of course we were going to go for it xx I had a medicated cycle as wasn't given any option xxx sorry I haven't really helped !!

Penelope hope all went ok with your scan xx

Ayah I had to write a letter to my eggs ha ha that was a toughie .... I have no contact with them and don't know who they are only if a child was born, how many and whether it's a girl or a boy xx when the child reaches 18 however it will have access to my name, address etc and of course the letter I had to write ha ha xx there is the possibility that the parents will never tell them though or they may of come from overseas so who knows if we will ever meet .... It's all a bit of a head mix up but still very rewarding xxx

Afm nothing to report which is good news xx booked a scan at a local scanning place as half the price and only 10 mins away for a week Saturday   We make it that far it's like the 2ww all over again xxx


----------



## Carter4

Thanks Trin, really hope so........l too am very biased towards frosties, especially singletons, as like Caz this is what resulted in my DD. When she was thawed she even dropped a cell, going from 4-3, and was only a 2dt! Having said all that I am no doubt going to contradict myself now, as I remember when weighing up whether to give her a go, or start afresh, one thing that troubled me was knowing that we would want a sibling, and that my eggs would be ageing, which has kind of come to fruition. I'm quite a methodical type of person, and in the end just followed the order. No regrets despite our cycle in October, and despite just squeezing through this time, because ultimately we have her. Goodluck in whatever you decide, by no means an easy decision xx

Caz - A fantastic end would be rather cool, wouldn't it, hmmm we'll see.........does your clinic not offer a scan, or is it too far off for your liking?


----------



## ayah

Carter great news! Hope you dont go too   on 2ww.

Caz that must have been a weird letter to write but so good that they ask you to do it.  So will you be 6 weeks at the scan!  Not saying you will be like me, but i am so oaranoid this time round.  Would have my own sonograoher on call if i could!  Here to saying hello to blob.  Just too exciting!

Hi to rest of you. Would love to do personals to you all but i only got 3 hours sleep last night, and it gonna be a horrud  morning stuck in a small room  doing scooes with a grumoy dr,  think the procedure is amazing, but not sure the stomach will be up to it.  

Good night all


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all,

Sorry for being AWOL again! My little boy was unwell yesterday so didn't have chance to post after my scan. 

Carter, glad your embie is back on board and hoping the 2ww goes quickly for you. I have everything crossed that you get your bfp. 

KL,Caro, Ayah and Caz, hope you are all ok? Caz, great news on your recipient getting a bfp too. I bet it was really strange having to write the letter to you eggs??!!

AFM, it  seems I had a virus/bug that was making me feel poorly and not the drugs. I must say I was relieved as I was worried they would cancel treatment but now I'm also scared that as I've been ill that it will have an affect on the outcome of the cycle. I've been really careful to look after myself and eat the right foods, take vitamins etc and I've been poorly for most of this cycle with coughs,colds and now this bug.  
Anyway, on a more positive note, my scan went well yesterday and EC is booked for tomorrow. Did my trigger shot last night  so I'm now injection free!! Taking it wasy today and trying to get in some R&R and get over this bug before tomorrow. 

xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

P.S. Trin, sorry, didnt mean to miss you out. I cant really offer any advise regarding FET as have never had anything frozen, but best of luck what ever you decide. Im sure the other ladies will be able to offer you some good advice.


----------



## KLconfused

Hi all, so much news on this thread. Sorry if I miss anyone off. 

Carter - best of luck for your 2WW Its an achievement just getting there. My first ICSI I have 2 top embryos and 2 not quite so good. A not quite so good one gave me my DD. Last ICSI I had 2 embryos graded 8 out of 8 and neither worked. So I say don't bother about the grading. As long as they are within normal ranges I cant see it makes any difference. 

Trin - I had a similar scenario as you. I have one frozen embryo and wasn't sure whether we would do another fresh cycle first or do FET. Were now doing the FET as we have decided not to do another fresh cycle after this. I had to do a medicated FET as I wasn't given any other option. 

AFM this FET cycle seems to be taking forever. I have a blood test Monday then ET next Tuesday if all goes OK. Im paranoid the embryo wont survive defrost or my blood test wont be right. 2WW seems a million miles away. I feel strangely resigned to this cycle not working, I expect its because of the previous cycle not working and that being so horrendous. Were doing donor sperm after this FET so im focusing on getting my head round that. I am trying to do everything the same as I did last FET - diet etc. Im still not happy at being 40 last week. I feel like its game over. Im just looking forward to getting this FET over with and then one way or another we can move on. Sorry not very positive. The drugs im taking aren't too bad though. Much nicer than those for the fresh ICSI cycle. I don't feel as poorly as I did when I had them so that's positive. 

There's been lots of good news on here recently though so fingers crossed for a bit more


----------



## caro8500

Hi Everyone

Wow it all seems to be happening at once now.

Carter...congrats on your transfer. Hope your embie is snuggling in well. My 'good' (but not top grade) embies worked for me first cycle. They certainly don't need to be top grade to work. you have every chance. 

Penelope...good luck for EC tomorrow

KL...not long to go now.. Hang on in there

Trin Trin...never managed to get any blasts so can't advise sorry. Does your clinic have an opinion on what they think is best or are they just leaving it up to you?

Hi to Caz and Ayah

xx


----------



## Carter4

ayah - Thanks. Oh and it's the law to go a bit lee-lah on the 2ww! Hope you had a better nights sleep yesterday?

Penelope - Thanks too. Hope you have been able to squeeze in some R&R, had no idea you had been feeling quite so rough. Is your little boy better now? Hope your EC goes well tomorrow. You'll soon be joining me in the 2ww!

KL - Thanks as well. There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to this infertility lark, and I just have to look at my DD to remind myself of that. I understand your worries about your frostie thawing, but hopefully all should progress when that day arrives. You're nearly there.

caro - Ta, and I hope you are right! How are you? 

Hi to Caz and Trin xx

AFM - Been very emotional today, feeling deprived because DH and mum are virtually doing everything for DD. They are both coming from the best possible place, but it's making me a little sad. Also feel very ratty, so not sure if it is the meds still, or the last few weeks finally catching up with me? Hey ho!


----------



## ayah

KL wow just a week to go.  Sorry not sure what is with me this last week but been saying wow a lot!  Never used it often at all before.  glad these drugs not too bad. So so hope this works for you.  Know we need to keep the self preservation up, but there really is no more reason for it not to work than too work.  Get the crash mat ready in case and hope that the positive excitment for what might be, can be released even if only in short bursts.  

Trin, sorry forgot to say i never got to blast or to freeze eggs. But like everything in this game nothing is a given and best is not always best!  My consultant told me the second number they use is to do wuth shape and a lower grade is often due to division which is a good sign of normal development.  If that help!

Penelope, hope DS better now and you too.  Best wishes for EC tomorrow.  It is all hapoening here! Crash mat at the ready!

Caro hope you doing ok.  

Cater guess it could be both.  Double edged sward the caring helpful family.  One hand great for the help on the other can make me feel helpless.  Mind you would not want to be arrested for not lossing the plot a bit!  

Caz are you getting any symtoms yet!

Thankfully I got a resonable nights sleep and was quite full of enery by the time I got to work.  Grumpy Dr was not grumpy ( he is a very good dr and I am sure he has quite a witty sence of humour, but when doing scopes he can be rather stropy!) And the procedures went well. Much better day than yesterday thankfully.

Take care all

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Ayah - Had to laugh at your wow comment, have visions of you saying the same when your newest addition arrives!!! That is how I was feeling, helpless, well intentioned I know, but suffocating nonetheless. Glad you had a better day at work.

Penelope - Hope your EC has gone well?

AFM - Slight negative day, interspersed with flashes of you just never know!


----------



## Caz174

Hi ladies I'm so sorry I have an inability to work and keep up ha ha plus DS has been up the last 3 nights for no apparent reason so I am shattered goodness how we used to do it !!

Carter fabulous news on your embryo transfer and welcome to the 2ww, try and stay positive honey as hard as it is xx I am keeping everything crossed for you     Xxx enjoy the relaxation but I know how frustrating it gets you don't want to be treated with kid gloves   xx

Ayah hi how are you, glad work has cheered up a bit mine is dia at the mo just so so busy and as I only went back 3 days a week am starting to find it impossible   you saying wow all the time made me laugh too I do that sometimes realise I am using a really strange word all the time Xx dh says he really struggles not to say he's going for a wee wee winkles when at work  

Caro hi honey hope your ok   Xx

Klconfused it really does take over your life and I don't blame you for getting down its so hard to stay positive all the time feel free to have a rant that's what we are here for cx sending you lots of   Xxp

Penelope how did ec go fx all went smoothly and you got some lovely eggs  

Trin hi honey hope your ok xx have you made a decision re your frostie xx

Afm nothing to report get the odd mild wave of nausea but we have reached the 5 week mark which I'm pleased about as it's always been a sticky time file us with bleeds and miscarriages got my scan booked at ultra baby a week Saturday so if I make it will be 6 weeks 3 days xx


----------



## Caz174

Hi ladies hope your all ok cx

Carter hope the 2ww is being kind to you xx


----------



## Carter4

Struggling Caz but didn't want to come on and be a mis-mog. No symptoms at all, and to make matters worse I've had my usual pre-AF spot outbreak today, meh. Ta for asking though. Hope you're okay? xx

Hope all is okay for Penelope?

Seem to remember KL you mentioning the 18th,so you're nearly there!

Hi to Ayah, caro and Trin xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi ladies

It's all a bit quiet on here.....I guess we're all going through different emotions at the moment but the common goal remains the same!! 

Penelope - I hope egg collection and transfer has gone okay. Let us know when you're ready how things are going....

Klconfused - I know you're feeling disheartened about this all and I kinda of understand with regards to the male fertility issue. You still have lots of hope and your FET could work for you again and be the sibling you yearn for. Sending you positive thoughts🙏

Carter - You just don't know my love until OTD. Those feelings don't necessarily mean its your AF. It's just so hard the 2WW, the worst part of the cycle. Not long to go and I'm hoping this is the one for you🙏

Caz - hope early pregnancy is treating you well. Bet you can't wait for the scan....the waiting never stops does it ??!

AFM I'm probably going to do a FET cycle next month but my optimism with all of this has sadly changed. It's just so bloody unpredictable I can't afford emotionally to get so into it next time. I actually felt quite hopeful during my fresh cycle but it wasn't to be. I will try my best to be positive as a number of you have had success with FET so we'll see if my single 5 day BB blast is the survivor....I find myself searching google for success stories to try and give me a glimmer of hope. I discussed with my daughter about perhaps adopting as her Nan has an adopted daughter but she said "No Mummy I want the baby to come from your tummy" ....as you see I'm slightly under pressure from a 9 year old. I hope I can do this for I really do ...

Ayah - I read a few of your early posts and wow this pregnancy must have been such a surprise.

Caro - how you doing and will you be starting again soon?


----------



## KLconfused

Trin - im in the same place as you. I thought the last fresh cycle would work. Im not getting emotionally invested in this FET cycle. I also only have 1 embryo. Its the last chance for my husband to be the biological father but I feel ive given up before we even get there. I know it wont make any difference if I feel negative though. I did last time we did FET and it worked!

Hope everyone's ok?

AFM I have a blood test tomorrow and then ET Tuesday. Im so nervous. The blood test is 9.30 am then they will phone me later that day to say if everythings Ok. Then Tuesday morning I have to call at 10.30am and see if my frostie survived and if so head to the clinic for ET at 12pm. I just wish it was Tuesday afternoon and id know. 

I think these drugs are making me go cuckoo. I feel very odd, tearful and stressed and like I want to hide under the duvet. 

To top it all I saw a friend of mine yesterday and she knows lots of people who have got pregnant naturally but had a terrible time giving birth and one even died. Made me think at my age I should give up. I know its the wrong time to make a decision but im getting closer to that point every day. I don't want to keep going through this anymore. But then I said that in the last fresh cycle and when it failed I wanted to start treatment again ASAP so don't hold me to any of that! 

Ill try to be more upbeat once I  get Tuesday out the way and hopefully into the 2WW. Promise!


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Afternoon all,

KLconfused, fingers crossed for you blood test tomorrow and ET on Tuesday. I can completely understand what you mean about not getting emotionally invested in this cycle. Each cycle is such a rollercoaster of emotions and we all invest so much, physically, financially and emotionally its only natural to feel like giving up on it all. I've thought that many a time throughout every cycle we have done and I always say 'I'm not doing it again' and then a week after I'm nagging hubby to book an appointment at the clinic!!

Carter, I know its easier said than done but try not to read too much in to the fact that you have no symptoms, you are only just entering the 1ww. Hoping you feel a bit more positive next week. Are you planning on testing early? 

Trin Trin, bless your little girl!!! Im sure she would be just as happy with a little adopted brother or sister if you decide to go down that route. I have approached the subject with OH a number of times but he wont even consider it at the moment. Hoping you get some pma back for your FET next month. 

Caz, hope all is well with you. Not long to go until your first scan next Sat!!

Hi to Ayah and Caro, hope you are ok?

AFM, EC went well and we got 9 eggs, 8 of which were mature. 6 have fertilised & ET is tomorrow, but I'm petrified as we got to this stage last time and then we had a call from the clinic on the morning of ET to say all our embryos had arrested on day 3. I know I shouldnt be judging this cycle by the last one but hard not to worry that the same thing will happen. 

xxx


----------



## Caz174

Sorry just a quick one as have to get ready for work xx 

Carter try to stay positive honey   And keeping everything crossed for a good result for you xxx  

Penelope good luck today xx

Kl confused hope the blood tests go well today xx

Trin hello honey xx


----------



## Carter4

Hi Ladies

Caz - Hope the nausea stays at bay and doesn't develop into anything! Did you have it previously? Thanks for trying to gee me up, and to the other ladies too x

Trin - Great news that you are thinking of cycling again so soon, and like you said you just never know hun! x

KL - On my DD's cycle I was very resigned to it not working, so I get what you mean about not worrying if pessimism creeps in! I hope you get a promising call about your bloods later, and good luck tomorrow for your frostie x

Penelope -YAY to good numbers, and I hope your ET has gone smoothly. How many are you having returned? 
Really unsure if we will test early now, if I was more confident with the result then I might! I too have broached the subject of adoption (and egg donation), but DH shuts me down every time, hmmm, wonder if we will have to revisit the subject! x

Hi to ayah and caro xx

AFM - I've had a word with myself, and I am going to try not to be so doom and gloom about this cycle. I think the crash back down to earth was inevitable given the last cycle and this one. Such a shock after getting essentially x4 attempts from one EC, and then x1 attempt from two EC's. Was so busy striving to get to the 2ww, I had pure and simple forgotten what a head mess place it can be! Anyway pma nearly back to full throttle!!!


----------



## Caz174

Penelope keeping everything crossed that all went well today for transfer   Xx

Carter glad you have a bit more pma has the spitting stopped ? That's a good sign   sending you a massive  

Hi to everyone else sorry in bed so need to sign off

Afm yes was sick till week 16 last time so it's inevitable really not that I mind at all though reminds me how lucky I have been xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Morning ladies

Just a quick post to wish Klconfused good luck today. I'm praying everything goes well🙏

Penelope - I hope ET went well yesterday!!

Carter - not long to go....x


----------



## KLconfused

Thanks all for your well wishes. The blood test was fine yesterday. 

I have ET today at 12pm. The nurse yesterday said the embryologist would call me if theres a problem and if I haven't heard by 11am head off to the clinic. Well im going to ring the clinic at 10.30am and ask if the embryo survived. Its going to be the longest 1hr 40 mins ever. Good news though I didn't need to do an injection this morning. Yippee. 

good luck today to everyone else. I know were all at different stages but I feel for all of you. I just hope in joining those of you in a 2WW later today


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning ladies, 
Thanks for the well wishes. ET went well yesterday and I know have two blasts on board and waiting to hear about any frosties this morning (not particularly hopeful on this front as the two that were left yesterday weren't great and we've never had frosties before). I don't know why but I'm feeling particularly negative about the whole cycle today. It went better than the last one but all my pma has gone. I know this will sound very silly but we've had a lot of pregnancy announcements in work and our circle of friends over the last few weeks and I'm worried that this means I won't get pregnant because everyone else it!!! Silly logic I know!! I'm also worried as having to lift DS a lot. Did anyone else worry about that? Already planning when we can go for next cycle!!! Carter I think I need one of those talks you gave yourself the other night!!

Kl, good luck for FET today. 

Hope everyone else is ok? 

Xx


----------



## Trin Trin

That's great news Penelope!! Hope the 2WW doesn't drive you insane!!!!

Klconfused - hope all went well today.

I just want to moan about my clinic....maybe it's me. Do your clinics insist on your DH to physically always come I'm to sign forms. When I was at the London Women's Clinic in Harley Street they didn't insist on this. Sometimes he even faxed docs to the clinic.  My new clinic want him to come in just to sign treatment documents!!! Think this is ridiculous....as his work is not flexible and he works in corporate banking in Canary Wharf and getting time off is extremely difficult. I've been doing this treatment stuff for so long I don't need him there to hold my hand. Basically I have an appointment for Thursday at 3pm to sign papers and discuss treatment plan for FET. Why do they insist on him being there!! Just find it unnecessary as he was there last time to sign docs. 

Well he can't attend which means I cannot start meds next week, meaning I have to wait for my next cycle in April. 

Is this just my clinic or do all you have the same experience??

Sorry for the rant, but I'm all geared up to start and now probably can't.


----------



## KLconfused

Trin -that's so annoying if you cant start. Im the same, been doing IVF long enough I can go on my own and don't need hubbie there. I think my clinic posted me the forms and we both signed them. We both went in for the initial chats but I don't think they would have made Luke be there if that makes sense. Its a terrible thing to delay a treatment cycle when we all live our lives around them. 

I had my FET today. I felt some fluid leaving my womb as i left the clinic and just hope it isnt game over already. Not sure what to do with myself this afternoon. Just took DD out for a walk to the duckpond and some tw** in a van ran over 2 ducklings so that wasn't relaxing. 

Last time I did FET it gave me my DD. Myyoung dog had died of epilepsy 4 days before and so I spent the 2WW on the sofa crying watching the Olympics. So tonight im going to watch one born every minute as that makes me sob. Hopefully it will make this FET work. 

So whose in 2WW now - Penelope and Carter? So hope its a BFP for all of us. 

Ill have a trip to the shops tomorrow to get a pregnancy test. Exciting. So pleased to have got to the 2WW although in a few days ill be going nuts.


----------



## ayah

Just a very quick congratulation on joining the 2ww KL and Penelopi.  All best.  Hope the sobbing works KL.  

Ayah xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all,

Carter how are you?

Kl great news on being pupo and joining us in the 2ww!! 

Trin Trin, our clinic has always given us the paperwork to take away and sign and post back. Don't think hubby was there for 99% of appointments this last cycle as his work isn't that flexible and it's impractical for him to be there at every appointment. I'm sorry your clinic are being arkward, I hope you don't have to delay treatment a month as it's so hard when you have a set back.

Hi to everyone else. I hope you are all well? 

Xx


----------



## caro8500

Hi All

Back from lovely break away with DH and DS. DS had an absolute ball and was sure a pleasure to spend quality time with him.

Congrats to KL and Penelope on reaching the 2ww!!! 

Carter how long have you got to go now? When will you test if you are going to test early? Hope you are managing to stay sane.

TRin Trin....my clinic sometimes insist DH is there too. He has to be there for our appt next week but work are very good about him having time off and its not far for him to go either. On the other hand from April I'm going to have to take annual leave for any Doctors/Hospital appts I can't make out of working hours! And I work for the caring NHS...unbelievable. Its really stressed me out cause I just don't know how I'm going to manage doing an IVF cycle if I have to take it as leave. It feels like a choice between trying to have another baby or having holidays/time off with my DS. Like its not stressful enough!

Hi to Ayah and Caz....hope you are both doing well (aside from the sickness Caz) 

AFM...Appointment to discuss the plan on Tues. bracing myself for waiting longer than I want but we shall see. Awful awful endo pain with my period this month. super scared about cysts growing too big to do the IVF without another operation. Feeling quite negative....like my body is totally [email protected]@@@d. Obviously the fertility aspect is the biggest thing for me at the moment but also starting to realise the endo isn't going to 'get better' and this is going to effect me long term.


----------



## Carter4

Hi All

Caz - I should have said acne not spot, to save the confusion. Anyway they are getting typically worse as they normally do just prior to AF, coupled with my usual sweet craving as from today, bleep, bleep, and bleep!!! I was sick until 16 weeks too with my DD, and even after that sporadically with my last bout of sickness at 32 weeks. Have you had any more? Or any other delightful symptoms kicking in?

Trin - My clinic have requested DH be present for signing forms. Our irritation stemmed from the rather ad hoc fashion this would be done in eg I turned up for a scan, at the end of the appointment "oh by the way, your DH needs to be here to fill in paperwork" grrrrrrr, like our time is'nt important! Really hope you don't get delayed, that would be quite disgraceful!

KL - Your cycle seems to have flown this time. Glad your little frostie came good. Strong little embie to go through that process. Have you started going nutty in the 2ww yet, or do you need a few more days, lol?

Penelope - It doesn't sound silly at all what you said about pregnancy announcements, but the other side of the coin is that you are destined to join the club, fx eh?! It has been a source of worry for me re lifting DD, but she has also been a source of fun and laughter which has certainly helped on the relaxation front so swings and roundabouts. Did you hear back about your remaining embies?

Caro - That is naff about your A/L and appointments. It really hit home about less time with your DS. Could you not turn those days into special days with your DS, since scans can be over with so quickly. Best scenario the cycle works and all guilt can then be alleviated. Really hope you get good news on Tuesday for when you can start again.

Hi to Ayah xx

AFM - Turning more grey than I already was, and have no fingernails left!! Friday is danger zone as that is when AF would be due, on my original fresh cycle (bfn) this is the day I started slowly spotting, the pessaries don't keep it away, just takes a couple of days to get going. The plan at the moment is to test on Saturday, better for DH re work, but despite being desperate to know since the day of ET, why is it as it gets nearer I want to do anything but!


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## Carter4

End of the line for us ladies, I started bleeding this morning. Somewhat perversely I will test later today just to rule out any slim chance, cant bear the head games I will subject myself to, if I don't do this. Cant thank you enough for your support (always knew deep down we was clutching at straws, but you hear of these success stories don't you?). I will pop back from time to time because I really do wish nothing but the best for those chasing the sibling dream. Not sure where we go from here, because I'm just not sure whether we are ready to give up on our dream. Good luck to you all xx


----------



## Caz174

Oh carter I am so so sorry honey this is such a cruel process, I really thought you might be one of those success stories xx and please don't give up there are so many options out there sending you a massive   Xxxxxx


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## Carter4

Thanks Caz   appreciated.......we'll live to fight another day.......just need to make some smart decisions from here on in xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Oh Carter I truly am gutted for you. I dont want to give you false hope but could it be implantation or is it heavy bleeding? Sending you massive hugs and I wish you every success for whatever you decide to do from here. 

xxxxx


----------



## KLconfused

Carter - im so sorry, weve all been where you are and its horrendous. Give yourselves time to come to terms before you make any decisions but do keep in touch with us as we all want to know how you get on. 

Doesn't seem there's been that much positive on this thread. So come on Pen, you and I have to get BFP now!!

Well im on day 2 of the 2WW. I feel resigned. Im doing everything normally - picking up daughter, walking dogs etc. Don't get a minute to myself. When I left the clinic I felt water leaving my womb so im thinking the embryo was probably in there. My womb went a bit hard this morning as it did the last time ICSI failed. But its only early days. When I got my DD I felt a tugging in my womb when she implanted. So now im trying to feel that again. I cant remember what day it was but implantation should be between Friday and Monday if it happens. 

With the fresh ICSI cycle in Jan I really thought I was pregnant. I wanted it so much I gave myself symptoms. Im trying to be calmer this time. 

I feel like theres more at stake than this baby. Feels like my marriage too. Usually I want the 2WW to be over but this time Im not wishing the time away. Id rather put off the BFN if that's what it is. 

When are you testing Pen? Mine is 1st April.


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## caro8500

So sorry Carter. Truly horrible.  Just so hard to know when enough's enough. Like KL says take some time and be kind to yourself xx


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## ayah

Cater, I am so sorry.     wish there were words I could say to make it better.  Time out for you and DH to gather your feelings sounds like good idea.  

Caro, glad you had good get away.  I work for nhs too and have had to use A/L for all my appiontments or make up the time.  I worked a lot of over time to get time back.  Worst was when I had a dermatology appiontment at the same hospital trust few years ago.  They lost my notes and my appiontment was over an hour late.  I still had to make up the time!  Had friend who was admitted to our hospital, discharged too early, but returned to work.  She then had to be readmitted. She was then triggered with threat of her job if had another episode of sickness, as she had two episipodes off in 6 months.  Was hospitals fault!  Nhs is biggest bully!

KL really hoping that fluid you felt was just that and had nothing in it.  So hard not to analyise every symptom.  

Penelope hope you doing ok.  

Caz hope that sickness not too bad.  Silly that symptoms can be hard some days but rather have them, as when they not there it just a worry.

Trin, what a faff having to delay tx, just cos DH has to sign forms.  Our clinic he had to be there for consenting for each tx.  So just once eacch cycle.  Oh and on EC too!  

AFM lfelt faint and headache at work, enough to make my colleges worry and have me on bed rest all afternoon.  Was even scared to go to loo as one of the health care assistants wouldnt let me move.  They wouldnt even let me drive home. Got tomorrow off so hope i can take it easy.

Take care all

Ayah xxx


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## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

So much has gone on in just a few days.... Carter I am so sorry to hear your news, I was really hoping for positive news from you. This whole TTC gets me so cross as its just unfair that it only works for some of us and not all. We all deserve to have success, but its just so unpredictable it sucks!! Whatever you decide to do next I wish you and your family well. I know it's hard to give up on something you yearn for so I guess time is what you need to think about what comes next....I'm so sad😞

Penelope and Klconfused - I'm hoping and have everything crossed for you both during the next week. Lets get some more BFP on here🙏

AFM my cycle is going ahead! The head nurse allowed me to come in without DH and he went in today. I'm doing a medicated cycle so I'm injecting again! The embryologist said the clinic have an 85% defrost rate so we'll see. I'm not keeping a diary this time, will not test early, will not google and I will check fertility friends every two days. I want to try and not let this take over (easier said than done)

Ayah hope you're feeling better. Caz good luck with scan. Caro hope you'll be cycling soon.

Have a good weekend all xx


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## ayah

Trin so glad your clinc saw sence.  Hope you can keep your resolve!  It is so hard not to allow every waking monent to be filled with tx thoughfs and worries.    thought for a sucessful cycle.

Hi to you all with added     thoughts for you all.  

Sweet dreams

Ayah xxx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Morning,
Just a quickie from me to say good luck to Caz for your scan today. 

Trin Trin great news on starting treatment again.....Good luck !!

Carter, hope you are ok? 

Xxx


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## Caz174

Evening ladies hope your all enjoying your weekends xx

Penelope and kl confused hope your ok and coping with the dreaded 2ww xx

Ayah hope your feeling a bit better it's always scary when you go faint :-/ xx

Trin really pleased your cycle is going ahead keeping everything crossed for you xx

Carter  hope your ok honey cx

Caro hi honey xx

Afm scan went well and omg we are having twins ..... It's a bit of a shock but slowly sinking in  xx of course we are over the moon but will have 3 under the age of 2 so defo exciting times ahead xx only down side is twice the morning sickness but defo not complaining xx


----------



## ayah

Omg  Caz!  That is great news.  Did you see the heart beats?  When are you due?  

Oh I need to charge. Better send and find charger

Take care everyone

Ayah xxx


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## caro8500

WOW Caz...congratulations how exciting!!! No wonder you were feeling sick. 
My DH would freak if we ever had twins....its the one thing that puts him off ha ha. I'd love it though. x


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## Trin Trin

Congratulations Caz!!! Wow twins!!


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## Penelope Pitstop

Congratulations Caz!

I've got a premenstrual spot developing so think it's all over for us :-(. Test date is Mother's Day which isn't ideal and I've been umming and arghhing about whether to invite my parents over for Sunday lunch for Mother's Day as was worried about being upset if the cycle failed and spoiling the mood. Think Ill have to cancel it. 

Hope everyone else is ok? Kl hoping your 2ww is going ok?

Xx


----------



## Carter4

Hey Guys

First off........OMG.........   Caz, what wonderful news to log on to, you must be over the moon, even if a little daunted at the prospect! Don't suppose you know if your recipient ended up with double trouble too??!! 

Thanks to all of you for your kind words, already things are a little less raw. Just trying to figure out which path to take now. We're definitely not ready to give up on our sibling dream yet, although I am mindful that the time might come to admit defeat. At least I will know we tried our very best, and can tell our DD this, depending on any questions she may or may not ask.

Ayah - Hope no more funny turns?

Penelope - Ta for asking after me..........you can get spots even with a bfp hun, so dismiss my earlier whittling. Tough day to test on, but then again it could be perfect. Does your mum know about your tx?

KL - How are you holding up? Any discernible symptoms that you have picked up on?

caro - Any idea when you are hopping back on the rollercoaster?

Trin - It's day 2, it's day 2  !! Fab news that you are good to go hun! Lots of luck for your little frostie. I really do have a lot of faith in them.

If it is cool with you guys I will hang around for now, would like to see some more bfp's and you never know, might just get to share our next chapters with each other   xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all!

Lovely to hear from you Carter. Glad to gear you're not ready to give up on your sibling dream just yet. I have myself a very stern talking to last night and am feeling a bit more positive today! It's not ovr until test day so trying to stay focused until then. I think I was feeling particularly negative yesterday and then started to worry my negative thoughts would impact on the outcome. My mum doesn't know we are going through treatment. We haven't really told anyone apart from our bosses.

Trin Trin hope injections are going well?

Kl, hope you are managing to stay more sane than me?!

Xx


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## KLconfused

Pen - it really isn't over for you. Its such early days and the spotting could be anything - likely pessaries if you use them. I have cyclogest and they are making me so sore and itchy. sorry TMI! Personally I wouldn't book to see anyone sunday. My test date is Tuesday and ive made very little plans for 10 days afterwards as I was such a mess in January when it failed it took that long to feel a bit better. 

Caz - so excited for you with twins. Id love twins - such value for money!

Im constantly thinking about this FET but very resigned to this not working. Last time I felt a tugging in my womb at implantation. I cant remember the day. But then in the second week I could feel a lump so I knew I was pregnant. This time I feel nothing except itchy and sore from the pessaries. Aside from the FET im having a bit of a mental melt down I think. Our issue is MF and im struggling. I hate being 40 and feel very panicked. We are doing donor sperm if this doesn't work and im starting counselling tomorrow to try to accept it. Why cant I just have sex and get preggars like others. I haven't accepted things yet. Hopefully the counsellor will help as this MF IF is affecting my marriage like nothing before. I really want to run away and hide. 
Test date is Tuesday and I wont test early. Fresh cycle I bled before OTD so we shall see. Ive carried on completely normally this time as well which im now wandering if I should have. When FET worked I spent 2 weeks on sofa crying as my dog died. This time ive been busy. But my heads not In a good space so sitting around for 2 weeks wouldn't be healthy - and I have an 11 month old daughter to look after. 

Sorry for so much waffle. This time next week Pen - you will be ecstatic and ill be waiting to find out and hopefully not bleeding.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Kl, sorry I meant a spot (pimple) rather than spotting. I know exactly what you mean about not coming to terms with things. Ours is a FF fertility issue and I had to have my tubes removed in 2011 and although I know it was the best thing to do I still feel very resentful of people who just get to have sex every month and conceive naturally. I think it's a good idea to see a counsellor, sometimes it helps to talk to someone impartial. 
I've carried on as normal after ET too, not a lot else you can do when you have LO to look after so don't beat yourself up about it. Try not to worry about lack of symptoms or signs either as each pregnancy is different so you may not get any pulling feelings this time. Easier said than done though as I'm desperately trying not to symptom spot or worry about pre Af signs!! 

I think you are wise not to make any plans for a while after OTD, I think I will do the same as normally go to pieces. Have booked some leave for next week so don't have to put a brave face on for work! If however we do get a bfp then I ll save the leave for some quality time with my little man.
Xxx


----------



## Carter4

Glad you told yourself off Penelope  . Don't worry about being negative hun, I was dreadful on my DD's cycle and it made no difference to the end outcome. What will be will be. Perhaps best not to invite your mum over, it's only one year, I'm sure retrospectively she will understand. A lady I chat with elsewhere is having secondary infertility problems, and her first LO she got pregnant with on their first attempt. When she revealed this I was momentarily hostile, but we had built a good rapport, but still grrrrrr.

KL - I do feel for you hun. Hand on heart I have felt tugs, pulls and twinges on both a fresh and a fet, and also nothing on both, there really is no way of telling. I sincerely hope it works for you. I am 40 in just over a fortnights time, and while the age itself doesn't bother me, it certainly freaks me out with regards to having another LO. I can already feel myself moving the age goalposts again, arrgghhh.

AFM - Review booked, counselling session booked, and egg donor meeting booked. All in under ten days time. Feel much better for being pro-active, getting back to DD's different classes and despite huge disappointment, there is always some relief from being temporarily free from the rollercoaster xx

Ps - Hi to Ayah, Caz, caro and Trin


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi ladies

How we all doing?

Klconfused - Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit deflated. Remember you had success from a frozen cycle and also that each cycle will be different with different symgoms so try not to read into what you're not feeling but felt before. I've always used donor sperm and tbh for me I had no issue with the concept as I knew from early on that if I stayed with my DH this is what I'd have to do. I've been with him since I was 19 I'm now 39!!. What does pee me off is that we can't do it the conventional way every month like normal fertile couples. That concept frustrates me and that's what I find hard. My daughter was conceived on my 7th IUI which I note you may try next (hopefully this will not be required🙏) With IUI timing of ovulation is crucial as you never will know if the sperm fertilised the egg...with your DH sperm you are producing good quality embryos or have you been told now that this is the option for you to explore. I'm not 40 until the end of December and so far I'm okay with it. The only thing it's highlighted for me is that perhaps I should have tackled this earlier......

Penelope - Personally I'm not able to pretend and perform when I'm feeling crap. When I tested positive on my OTD then the following day I was cautious but the Sunday when it was clearly not to be I was supposed to go to a family dinner.......I didn't go:-( How many days after EC is your OTD? My clinic say 14 days after collection. I was thinking if your OTD has been calculated quite long to perhaps test early......although I'm really against testing early now as a number of women on here have tested positive 3 days early but negative on OTD. I guess you need to do what's best for you. On the other hand thinking positively it could be a lovely Mothers Day

Carter - Lovely to hear from you and of course you should stick around!! Glad you've made some decisions and your review is booked please update us with the progress. We may all be at different stages, but all yearn for a sibling and will do whatever it takes to try and make a reality.

Caro - how's u?

Caz and Ayah - hope you're all doing okay plus the babies in your tummies

AFM - it's day 6 of injecting. This time round I have no side affects apart from sleeping really well....which is great!!! Last time I had headaches, sore boobs, horrible poos (sorry for tmi) I'm not complaining....but I've still got weeks of it yet so we'll see. Nothing else to report really.

X


----------



## caro8500

Hi All

Well good news after our appointment today. Starting next cycle with next period and should just fit it in before our hols fingers crossed. Going to try Puregon this time and increase the dose. The follies grew at quite different rates last time so hoping they'll grow bit more evenly this time. Apparently bit random re the fertilisation last time. 2 fertilised incorrectly which could be 2 sperm getting in or just poor egg quality. They're not reading too much in to it though. Feel all fired up and ready to get on with things. Kind of glad we've had a few months off and mentally feeling a lot more positive (well at the moment anyway!!)  

Sorry for no personals tonight but need my bed....will check back in tomorrow. x


----------



## KLconfused

A busy thread again. Sorry if I miss anyone off. 

Carter - Ive taken turning 40 really hard. I remember when I wet to my IVF clinic the first time and I was 36 and I asked if I was too old and she said no its when you turn 40 that your chances go down. And that's still in my head. I know its not a cliff but I feel too old all of a sudden.  Hopefully you will cope better with it than I have. 

Pen - fingers are crossed for you. How are you?

Caro - that's great news you can start next cycle. Not long to wait. 

Trin - I hadn't realised you use donor sperm. How come you have to do IVF - cant you use IUI?
Ive been told that I have a good AMH and I seem to make enough eggs and good quality (if that's the case why haven't I got lots of babies?) so we can try IUI. Ill be 40 and trying IUI for the first time and I feel like a bit of a wally really. Is there any hope at 40 that it will work or should I just do IVF with donor sperm?

AFM im going dolally. Day 9 today and I have a bleed. Bright red blood, not heavy and I have no pain and it has slowed I think. Ive called the clinic as it might be the cyclogest. Im so sore and itchy and hot from using it. I asked if I could use crinone that I have left over from the fresh cycle and they are going to let me know. I will obviously keep using the cyclogest if I need to. I know you can use it anally but I have crohns so my bums had enough abuse over the years - TMI!!
Im trying not to panic and I haven't called hubby. He was in tears the other day saying how much he wants this to work. This whole cycle he has hidden away really and been no support so we had a row and turns out he does want it to work he just hasn't handled it well. 
I have no symptoms. My womb doesn't feel as solid as it did when the last ICSI didnt work but it doesn't feel as nice as it did when I was pregnant. Im just on loo watch now for the blood. I hope I just haven't been too busy and caused it to not work. Even though im resigned to it not working I still had a little tear when I found blood.


----------



## Trin Trin

Klconfused - sorry to hear your bleeding slightly. I'm keeping everything crossed for you🙏 so is today 9dp 5dt? When is your OTD? Of course you will be be feel upset😥 its hard on everyone and our DH will equally be upset. I wish mine would show a bit of emotion....he doesn't really talk about how he feels.

My last cycle was my first IVF/ICSI before I have always had IUI. 7 IUI's to conceive daughter (28/29yrs) 5 IUI's for sibling but miscarried (36yrs) 4 IUI'S no success (37/38yrs) I then decided to try IVF as it had a higher success and due to getting older I wanted to increase the odds!! As I said with IUI its all about timing and luck of course. 

Remember we are not to blame and its nothing that you have or haven't done. There's still hope x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Afternoon all,

KL try not to worry about the bleeding, it doesnt necessarily mean that its over. It could just be a bit of implantation bleeding especially as you have no pain. Fingers crossed lovely!! I know what you mean about knicker watching though as Im back and forth the loo every 30mins checking Im not bleeding!!!  I am also going a bit  . Torn between testing early as want to get it over and done with but then also dont want to test and have to deal with a negative!! Im cramping alot and convinced AF is on her way. 

Trin Trin, glad that the injections arent too bad this time and fingers crossed the side affects stay away!! 

Caro, great news on starting treatment with next period!! Not long to wait then!! 

I hope everyone else is ok? 

xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Thanks girls. Bleeding seems to have stopped now but my hooha is very sore so I just hope its the pessaries. Im going to try putting them the other place for a few goes and see if that helps things settle - TMI!!

Trin - im really worried as you have moved to IVF due to age and im older than you and will just be starting out on it. Are there any other tests you have had to tell whether your suitable for IUI or not? All ive had is my AMH. They have talked about some dye in my womb to see if my tubes are clear but I really don't want more procedures than I have to. Im so struggling to get my head around donor sperm but it seems silly when my chances of pregnancy are still so low. 

To top it all this morning I got a letter from the NHS saying my GP now offers me a free health heck for the 40-74 age group to check for heart disease, diabetes and stuff. Aggghhhhh!!!!! 

Pen - you know your body better than others but please don't give up. it would be very early for AF if your test dates Sunday so its unlikely I would have thought. Fingers crossed. We really need 2 BFP's on this thread soon!

Oh and im 9dp3dt. Last time I had 2 embryos for FET and 1 baby. I cant help but feel im missing that extra embryo!


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

It only takes one embryo Kl!! Glad the bleeding has stopped. As for the dye test, I had that as part of our fertility investigations as I had appendicitis as a child and it can cause tubal blockages. There's two different types of test, one is more invasive than the other. But don't worry about that yet as you may not even need to think about any more treatment if you get a bfp next week!!!

Xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Klconfused - No don't worry. Remember I've had 16 IUI's and only 2 pregnancies so it was time to explore another option. Yes I had my tubes checked before to ensure all clear. My hormone levels are all okay (AMH and FSH and all the other bits they test you for) knowing this I became naive as why wouldn't it work within a few tries if I'm okay. But as we know its just not as simple which makes it so hard for us ladies. Perfect embryos you would think = BFP but it doesn't always:-( I'm making myself cross so I better stop!!

I've read stories where women have tried IVF and then IUI and fall pregnant. There's no logic to the outcomes so don't worry if you think you're not doing things in the logical order. Glad the bleeding has stopped - doesn't always mean AF is coming.

Penelope - I know what you mean about testing early. How many days past ET are you? My clinic says to test 14 days past EC. It's a tough one.....not long to go but I guess not soon enough.

AFM just realised I was using one of my old buserelin and you should use within 15 days of opening.....oops! I did tell the nurse I had some left....oh well I will use the new one tonight. Could that be why I have no side effects I'm using gone of meds lol....it's not funny but I have to laugh😥


----------



## ayah

Oh Trin, glad you can laugh.  Hope that the rest of this cyce goes ok!

KL as your eggs are good quality sure IUI is a better option  IF you need it.  The fact that you may need to use DS explains why you are not on channel 5's "16 and counting" .  It must be hard foryour DH. You are going through all the hardship of treatment and he may feel like he is letting you down, seeing you go through it. Then if you do need to move onto DS it is his sence of manhood.  Men do have a habit of retreating to thier caves when times get tough.  It is just thier way of coping.  Like womans way is to talk.  

I treat men with prostate cancer, amongst other conditions.  Thier wives can often feel helpless and furstated that thier husbands wont talk to them about it.  The wives are understand ably worried and scared for them and need to talk.  It is our way to cope and give supprt.  The men often dont want to.  They just want to get on with tx and life.  It can make real issues in thier relationship when they need each other most.  Hard to understand as a woman but silence in men does not mean he does not care.  But rather that he cares so much.

Life would be much easier if the sexs spoke the same language

KL and Pen I had no symptoms what so ever this time.  Each chemical and the IUI BFP gave me taste changes, big boobs topped with extra large extra sensitive bits.  Fatigue like Id just danced up a mountain, nausea v v v low mood.  All this 6-7 days before test day.  This time still no taste change and the other symptoms did not apear till i was 6 -8 weeks pregnant. Oh except the low mood.  Your body does not know if this fresh cycle or fet or iui or natural.  KL you are so right this thread needs some more bfp.  Im really hoping for at least 5 more.

Caro thats wonderful.  When is AF due?  Hope its early,

Caz hows things?  Lost track of time.  How many weeks now?  

Cater how are you getting on?    

Hope ive not missed anyone.  

Take care all

Ayah xxx


----------



## caro8500

Ayah...period due a week tomorrow but last one was over a week late. Although it was my first  in 6 months (not including the one after failed cycle), so maybe that's why. Really hoping it isn't late again as want to get cracking.

Trin Trin....Ooops, sure it will be fine though. That reminded me that I've got some unopened Buserelin in the fridge as we didn't need it last cycle. Wonder if we can use it this cycle? Been thinking about what you said about trying not to get too involved this time. Really want to be able to try and do that myself. Trying to think how I can minimise the impact but not really sure what might help. I felt really stressed out at every stage last time. Need to find ways of trying to relax more this time I think.

Carter...Hope u are doing ok hun. Impressed with how quickly you've arranged your review etc. Planning the next steps can really help. Gives the mind something else to focus on and keeps the hope going. 

KL and Penelope...not long for you both now. Got to be some good news. Come on you BFPs !!!

Caz....hope you are feeling ok. Has the twins news started to sink in yet?


----------



## ayah

Caro, good old predictable AF lol.  Never when you want it, always when you dont.    Silly story, but in islam when you divorce you have a cooling off period / time to see if your pregnant as you may both feel that changes things.  In this time if you have sex then the divorce is off .  So all my life my AF was 6 + weeks. I did not want to divorce so hoped the longer this time was the more chance we had to get back together.  But no for the first time ever not one but 4 consecuative 28 day cycles!, .  Guess God wanted the divorce and now im glad too!  A frind of mine,, who spoke with him, told me he parly left cos of the IF issues.  Mmm he had low sperm count too, but guess he prefered to think it just me with issue.

Hope AF plays game for you

Ayah xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Hi ladies, How are you all today?

Im going loopy to be honest. I said id never test early again but im 10dp3dt and wandering when the earliest is I could test. My OTD is Tuesday 1st April. I cant stop thinking about the moisture I felt coming out of my womb after ET and thinking ive gone through this for nothing. I don't have any of the same symptoms I did when I was pregnant. 
Im going out to a comedy night tonight with some girls from my new parents group. I don't feel like being sociable or laughing and if they all start talking about when they are going to try for baby 2 ill cry. Agghhhh. Just want it to be Tuesday. 

Feels like the end of an era as its our last ICSI/IVF. we wont do it again. We are going down the sperm donor IUI route after this and if that doesn't work we will give up. 

Pen -how are you doing?


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Kl, I'm not an expert on this but you might be able to test Sun. I'm feeling the opposite at the moment, I really don't want to test!

No symptoms doesn't necessarily mean you aren't pregnant so try not to worry about that. The fluid that you felt after ET could've just been the fluid that they used to clean you with before they put the embryos back in. 

I'm feeling rather anxious but glad I'm home now and not in work as couldn't really focus.

I can completely understand why you don't want to go out tonight. I've been avoiding all my NCT friends as they are always talking about ttc #2 and  just waiting for the next pregnancy announcement. 

Xx


----------



## KLconfused

Pen - good luck for Sunday. I cant wait to hear about your BFP!

Im out all day tomorrow so im going to not test but I might give in Sunday or Monday if im not bleeding already. Im really going out of my mind. It hasn't been so bad up until the last couple of days so I did well to keep sane until then. 

So hope we both have good news.


----------



## Carter4

Still keeping an eye ladies, can't wait to see those bfp's


----------



## Trin Trin

Penelope and Klconfused I'm thinking you're both getting BFP!!! I really do as I'm sure if you were at my clinic your test days would be today or passed already, especially Penelope with a 5 day transfer. Klconfused I think you were 9dp3dt two days ago......I've just got a good feeling 🙏


----------



## Carter4

Trin - Hope you are staying side effects free? x ps Have to agree with your predictions too, didn't know whether to put it our there are not, but lets send out this pma to the universe xx

Caz - Pop back from time to time won't you, just so we know you and your LO's are all okay? x

caro - Good news that you will be starting again so soon, and fx the adjustments to your protocol are what make the difference to the end result x

KL - Hope the comedy was some distraction for you this evening? x

Penelope - You're nearly there, hope you are fairing okay? x

ayah - How far along are you now? x ps hope we get another five bfp's too!

AFM - Will update soon, battery about to go.......positive vibes/mojo to you all xxxxxx


----------



## ayah

Morning all,

Just a quick happy Mothers Day.  Hope you get uterly spoilt!  

Penelopy and KL, if you test today sending you much positivity.  

Caz hope you doing ok.  Know it early days but sore kiddie care have 75% sale.  Apparently they do dicount for mulitiples.

Caro, hope that it not too much longer for you to wait!

Cater, hope that you all ok.

Trin you too.  Sorry running outof steam now!  Cant sleep but tired too.

I am 16+5 today.  Really finding this pregnacey hard.  Girl at work said she thinks the baby is growing in my head!  FEel useless at work, and guilty that they are all carrying me.  Starting to hand over my trials to other nurses already as im thinking I will have to leave early as I dont feel I will be safe later, to do complex patient care.  Thankfully I dont need to give chemo now as pregnant.  Keep feeling light headed and spaced.  Haemaglobin is good.  Blood sugures on low side of normal, which is good as at risk of gastrational diabetes.  OH is being no help and complaining at having to do so much!  I am really not complaining,just hate how it effecting DS.  This whole tx then bfp has really taken me away from him for too long.  More than three years.  Feel so guilty.  I just cant shake feeling that it not going to be a happy ending.  Hope it just hormones talking.  But if i have pre natal depression that put me at risk of postnatal.  All this is about being a mum and I am failing to be one in quest to have more!  

Oh sorry everyone.  Did not mean that to spill out!  OH is being so unsupportive I dont think he even wants this baby now!  He mutters under his breath that I am lazy.  Refused to eat the dinner I forced myself to make yesterday. No it wasnt great but hell if I could eat it!

On a funny note DS has my very sweet tooth.  He refused to eat much dinner saying he felt sick.  That is very common for him.  Any way OH later said to me he thinks he eat a whole packet of  Jaffacakes as he couldnt find the ones they had put in his bag!  I should be cross but that would make me a hypercrit 

Oh I feel better for that story.  I may be too ill/tired to be a proper mum right now, but I could not do it without him.

Sorry for moan.  Happy MD

Ayah xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Pen - any news?

Hi everyone and happy mothers day. 

Ayah - sorry your husbands not helping as much as he should. Its hard but just remember how you felt all that time trying for this baby. At least your nearly there and when this baby is here you never need think about IF again. 

I know what you mean about being a bad mum whilst trying for a sibling. I am being awful. Ever since we started IVF again in Dec I haven't been focused on my DD at all. I saw a counsellor last week and she was really helpful. In Dec my daughter had a severe temperature and it caused her to have a febrile convulsion at the Tesco petrol station. She spent a night in hospital with antibiotics for tonsilitus and was OK. But what came up with the counsellor is that I blame myself for not noticing she had a temperature before the convulsion. (I know they happen very quickly) I was distracted because I was in the IVF clinic going through injections and paperwork. Even when in the A&E with DD I was trying to get hubbie to go my car that I left at Tesco as we went by ambulance and get the drugs from it because they needed to be in the fridge. Theres an obvious link there to why I hate IVF. But on a daily basis im irritable because of the drugs, im sad all the time. My counsellor thinks I have PND but it only started when the IVF started again. She said it can still be depression caused by IVF. Im being a terrible mum at the moment. The new baby seems more important than the existing one. Stupid I know. 

AFM Ive resisted testing. Going to try to hold out til Tuesday. I have had some wicked period type pains though and been convinced I will find blood but haven't yet. Im preparing myself for the use of donor sperm next if this doesn't work. I always need to have a plan. And I am trying to stop the panic that sets in when I think ill never have another child.


----------



## ayah

KL i get that completely.  But diffinatly not your fault DD needed to go to A&E.  Like you said these things develop quickly.  But think a good mum will always anyalise and place blame on herself even if that is not the case.  I diffinatly got ivf depression. pnd still a potential risk for you. So it is not supprising if you are.  Just remember it does not mean you are weak or at fault. It is a normal reaction and councellor can help.

It a catch 22 of being a good mum now and get or at least knowing you have tried for the end result of siblings.  No what ifs.  So much easier said than done.  If we knew tx X would work then can bear the bfn before.  Its the what if it all for nothing and i missed out on....

So silly but at 16 +5 still cant just be happy. Saw post from ladie who had mc at 16+3.  I know i have pre natal depression.  Just hate that Im letting DS down right now.  God willing all will work out for you all.

Oh and yes this should be the end of my IF journey but i have a very anoying little voice in my head saying, "oh what about number 3. That would be nice"   wont be letting that settle into my brain.  Lol.

Thank you for sharing KL.  Knowing that you arenot a bad mum, means i might not be either.  If you did not try your mind my still be distracted with what ifs.  Like I said back in november, she too little to it to effect her too much. They need hugs and love and she wont hold it against you.  Ok so they need more than that but hugs go a long way for you both.

Hold on in there .  If wishing was an effective tx additive i promise i would be wishing you abfp followed by a bounceing baby at optmum dose.

You too Pen,  hope your mothrs day is perfect.   

Take care and full dose positive wishes

Ayah xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Pen - im worried about you now as we have heard nothing. Maybe you are too busy celebrating. 

AFM - I was going to test this morning but chickened out. Having loads of period pains so don't feel hopeful. Thinking of testing this afternoon. hmm. But not sure what it will achieve except make me cry. 

This time tomorrow ill know - or maybe sooner if I start bleeding. 

Hope that everyone else is well and that your treatment cycles are going to plan.


----------



## Twinangelsmummy83

Hi girls, can I join you? 
I have a little boy who is 17 months and also had twins who would have been 2 1/2 but sadly they passed away after being born prematurely. I'm now back on this rollercoaster again trying for a sibling for my little man and this is most likely going to be our last go as our lives have just revolved aroundttc and ivf And heartbreak for past 6 years.
I've just had egg collection today and got 6 eggs which I'm a little disappointed by because this is out last go I would have liked some frosties. But just have to pray they all fertilise and they are 6 good eggs! 

Good luck to all those testing. Fxd you all get bfps :-D xx


----------



## ayah

Hi twinanglemummy, so so sorry that you lost you little girls.  6 eggs sounds good to me but then I didnt produce many.  Will they call you tomorrow to say how many fertilised?  All best.  Hope you get your six.  Will you have day 3 or 5 transfer?

Pen hope that everything is OK.    

KL it so hard when you have period symptoms but deep inside still hope that it a bfp.  You must be beside yourself.     to.  Just 10ish hours till test time.  Still hoping so much for you.

Hi to everyone else.  

Take care 

Ayah xxx


----------



## caro8500

Hi All

twinangelmummy...6 eggs isn't bad at all. Fingers crossed for 100% fertilisation. Know what you mean about frosties though, I've never managed any and feel having them would help take the pressure off a little. So sorry to hear about your twins....it must have been heartbreaking I can't even imagine. xx

KL....Good luck for tomorrow. Sooo exciting and scary all at the same time!!

Penelope....Hope you are ok hun

Trin Trin...how are you getting on with your cycle?

Caz.. Hope the sickness is getting better ? Will you be having more scans than usual with having the 2?

Ayah...sorry you are feeling so rubbish. Hard not to beat ourselves up about treatment/pregnancy affecting our little ones but they are pretty robust and I like to think they'll be proud when they are older and learn what we have been through. Show's how important family is to us. Jaffacake story made me laugh...my DS LOVES them.

AFM. Waiting for AF next week hopefully. Fingers crossed


----------



## caro8500

Oh and Carter....Is you're review etc due soon? Hope you are doing ok x


----------



## ayah

Caro thanks.  I had forgotten about the jaffa cakes.  DS denied having them, but they have not been seen since!


----------



## KLconfused

Hi all

Another BFN for me im afraid. Im devastated. To top it all this morning I have another virus like cold thing with sore throat and head and cough. Great. 
Just managed to argue with hubbie too. Im really not sure we will survive this IF journey. Our problem is MF and I said he should do something, he had undescended testicles when born so everyone has said that's the cause as he didn't have the op until he was 8. But he could try other things - Chinese medicine, acupuncture, bodytalk. I suggested this and he said theres no point so I said ok you just sit there then and ill do everything. Another joyous day to look forward to. 

We have an appointment with the clinic 28th April to select a sperm donor so we can move on to that. That just seems so far away. 

Sorry its not better news everyone. I so hoped it would be. I hate IVF. Theres just no rhyme or reason to why it works or doesn't. 

Hope everyone else is OK. 

Kerry


----------



## ayah

Oh KL I am so so sorry.     .  Dont know what to say, as what you is just so true. it is cxxp that DH wont even enterain the idea of alternatives, if only to show that you both in it together.  Guess I might feel why have I bothered.  Ivf is so so hard.  Even if a man cant do much he can always show apprication of what you will do.  

4 weeks must feel like a life time.  

I dont feel much like supporting men right now, but do hope that you both get through it stronger and closer.  Remember how strong you are.  But if not might bump into you on a divorce forum .

                    

Oh did not mean to do that many group hugs!  Thought it was not selecting, so kept banging the group hug icon, till I gave up and closed window!  Well they are here now and cant being myself to delete a hug.  Hope my stupidity can bring a smile to your lips, lol

Ayah xxx


----------



## ayah

Just nedd to add i only thought i had pressed the hugs, not sure what green thing is even about!


----------



## Roygbiv

Sorry to jump on the thread. Was just following ayah. Did somebody say "stalker"?! 

KL have you been immune tested? A cold like virus is often how it manifests itself. And, I see you have a daughter already, but this doesn't rule out immune reactions. Maybe something to look into. 

Sorry for everyone having problems. We all do. Inside and outside the "infertility club". Sorry to call it that. The only difference is we have this extra pressure from the infertility.


----------



## ayah

Roygbiv, you are a stalker! Lol.  How did you find me hear too?


----------



## Carter4

So sorry to hear your news KL, on more than one level too. Feel so bad because I was convinced you were heading for a bfp. The infertility rollercoaster is indeed rubbish when it doesn't work. Hopefully DS will do the trick, I am on the cusp of jumping into the unchartered territory of DE's, but will know more for sure after our review tomorrow, (((((((big hugs))))))).

Hi to stalkers (Roygbiv) and newbies (Twinangelsmummy83)  

Penelope/Caz - Update ladies, us IF ladies have overactive imaginations!!!

Hey to ayah (your green emoticon made me chuckle), caro, and Trin. Hope you are all okay? Will update soon xxxxxxx


----------



## Twinangelsmummy83

Hi girls
KL so sorry you git a bfn. Men are a pain in the backside. I've been arguing with my oh all day. Unspoiled is the word!!! Big hugs hunni. Hope you feel better soon and the next few days pass gently for you xxx

Got the phone call this morning and only 4 out of the 6 fertilised. Gutted as I was really hoping for better. Just have to wait and see what happens. Will most likely be a day 2 or 3 transfer by the loss of things! Today has been a tough day emotionally :-( 

Tam xx


----------



## ayah

Hi Twin,  sorry that it not what you hoped for.  Hoping they a good bunch and go  all the way for you.  So are you just waiting day by day to be told when ET is?  Cant be nice not having a diffinate plan.  Hold on in.  

KL hope that your day has not been too hard on you.  

Penelopy, thinking of you.  Hope that you are OK.  

Trin hope you where are you at now.  My summary does not go back that far.  Should have checked before writing but will loss post if I go back.  Hope all is well.  

Caz, hope you are OK.  When is your 12 week scan?  Are you going to do any extras, like the 16 week gender?  

Carter, all best for review tomorrow.  Needing DE or DS must be so hard to get your head round.  Hope that they can give you a good plan of acton. 

Caro, Hoping AF arrives for you on time. 

Good night lovely ladies.  May it be a peace ful one.  .  And may your dreams come true another day.

Take care

Ayah xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

My sure where to start.....

First of all welcome to the newbies!!! Great to have you on our wonderful thread, look forward to hearing your journeys and some much needed positive outcomes🙏

Klconfused - Honey I'm so sorry to hear your cycle was unsuccessful. I really had a good feeling which just prove what we all say is that there's no logic or rationale to how and when this works or not.....it's almost like a lottery which sucks big time. I know what you jean about our DHs......they just don't get it sometimes and I am slightly envious to those of you who have really supportive understanding caring hubbies during this time. Mine is complaining about the lack of attention he's getting, cuddles, sex etc. Not being funny but I'm not really interested at the moment. He then says if we had to have babies in the tradition sense then I would be.....derrr of course I would!! I guess men and women are just so different and these experiences really highlight this.

I hope you'll both find a way of supporting each other during the next chapter if your intention is to explore IUI. Keep us updated and take the time you need to grieve as this is what bfn are .....it's like grieving:-(

Penelope - where are you? What's happening? What's going on? I do hope it's good news but either way let us know how you're doing

Ayah - Sorry to hear your DH is getting on your nerves too. If its any consolation mine is too. We're hardly talking at the moment, which isn't great timing but I'm trying not to let him get to me. You look after yourself and your growing baby

Caro - roll on AF so you can get started again;-)

Carter - hope the appointment goes well. If your anything like me the donor issue will not be an obstacle for you. If this option enables you to have your sibling, donor or not will make absolutely no difference. Without a donor I wouldn't have my daughter!!

AFM - I'm good apart from DH. Medication is fine no side affects nothing...started a tablet prognova today 3 times a day so we'll see how that goes plus injections still. Scan booked on 11 April to see what's going on...that's about it!!!


----------



## Trin Trin

Apologies for all the typos.....bloody iPhone and predictive text!!!


----------



## Twinangelsmummy83

Hi girls
So today all 4 embryos have divided on. 1 is perfect 4 cell no fragmentation, two are 3 cells with slight fragmentation and one is 5 cells with slight fragmentation. Transfer is tomo. Have any of you had success with a less than perfect 3dt? X


----------



## ayah

Twinangle all best for tomorrow. Are you having 2 ET?  My ivf's didnt work, but i was told some fragmentation is seen when they are dividing, so can be good sign too.  

Trin goid to hear from you.  Are those tablets extra to the normal injections? Hope they dont give you extra side effects.  All best.

Pen and KL    

Caz hope you ok.

Caro carter hi too.

AFM no energy and now 17 weeks.  Thought i felt it move on weekend but nothing since.  See mw next thursday

Ayah xxx


----------



## Twinangelsmummy83

No ayah having a set because of what happened with the twins. I couldn't cope with a twin pregnancy, to risky. My little boy was a 3dt set so I'm hoping the same happens! But his was a 8 cell perfect embryo. I just hope tomo my 4 cell perfect one turns intoan.8 cell perfect embryo xx


----------



## ayah

Hope so too twinmummy.  All best


----------



## caro8500

Hi all

Twinangelmummy... my successful cycle was with 1x6 cell and 1x7cell...I assume it was the 7 cell that worked but not necessarily!! The embryologist told us this time round that they have seen successes with less than 5 cell so its even possible with a poor embryo. Sadly our 2 x 5 cells didn't work last time round. I'm hoping for better this time fingers crossed. Good luck for your transfer.

KL....Really sorry for your BFN. I was really hoping your frostie would be the one for you. After giving yourself some time hope you manage to find a way forward. Big hugs x

TRin Trin...Good to hear from you. Glad your cycle is progressing. what are the Prognova tablets? Never heard of them

Penelope....thinking of u...hope u r ok

Hi to Caz, Ayah and Carter

AFM....Af due tomorrow but no symptoms what so ever yet, so sure its going to be late Rahhhh!!


----------



## Twinangelsmummy83

Thanks girls. We are going for transfer today with a 7 cell embryo. Fxd it works because we had to make a very difficult decision to only transfer one. The other one was 9 cell but both graded 3+ but because the 7 cell divided earlier and was perfect yesterday we are going with that one. So nervous :-/


----------



## babydust1984

u made right decision I wish u all the luck in the world :}  how have u found gcrm so far


----------



## ayah

Hello ladies.  It has been very quiet hear.  Hope that you are all managing, at what ever stage you are at ok.  Best wishes too you all.

Ayah xxx


----------



## Caz174

Hi ladies I'm so sorry for being so quiet it's nothing personal honest  just catching up on you lovely lot  

Ayah lovely to hear from you  hope all is ok with you xx

Twins mummy what a journey you have had I can't imagine   Keeping everything crossed that your transfer went well xx

Caro fx you AF has arrived in the nicest possible way  

Trin you did make me laugh with the wrong medication I'm the same I was always struggling to remember if I sniffed or not it's ridiculous xx

Carter honey what a decision but well done on making it, I believe egg donation is amazing and I have a great feeling that you will get a beautiful sibling hopefully very soon, is there much of a wait ? I hoping not sending you a massive   Xx

Kl oh honey I am so sorry it really is a s**t rolls coaster with no  rhyme or reason to the outcome which is the cruelest part my way of dealing with  a bfn was a bottle of wine  and a cry and a rant  sending you lots of   Xx

Hi to caro and baby dust so sorry if I missed anyone I'm on my phone so so hard to read xx

Afm I'm 9 weeks now and still sick as a pig which is getting me down but won't complain I know how lucky I am to be where I am xx not having any more scans till 12 weeks then 20 weeks then scanned every 4 weeks after that if it's still twins x just been trying to sort the practicalities out of having 3 under 2 we will need a new car and a new house so only small things ;-) still over the moon xx

Thanks for the tip on kiddi care xx promise I won't leave it do long next time lots of   To all xx


----------



## ayah

Caz lovely to hear from you.  Hard not to worry about people here, when they are quiet.  Wow 9 weeks that has flown!  Hope the morning sickness gets better soon.  You take care.  

Hooe the rest of you are ok.  Am worrying about the quiet.  Take care all.  You are in my thougyts and prayers.

Ayah xxx


----------



## Twinangelsmummy83

Hi girls
Have to say I'm not coping to well in this 2ww I'm just not convinced it's worked and I'm gutted. I know I'm lucky to have my little boy but I just would love him to have a sibling. Especially because he should have 2 brother's who were taken from us. I know my hubby doesn't want us to have anymore treatment and I just can't accept the fact I will never be pregnant again. 

It's is Tuesday. I'm 7 days post 3dt and have no symptoms :-( I'm so sad

Sorry for the downer of a post :-(

Hope the pregnancies are going well girls xxx


----------



## Twinangelsmummy83

Baby dust I'm atgcrm beleast and theyes have been great. My body however has not been so great.:-( x

Caro thank you for giving me some hope xx


----------



## caro8500

Hey all

Well not a good day for me. Typically AF has come late (again) and bit TMI but still not in full flow, been for scan today and womb lining still really thick. Up shot is just not going to be able to fit cycle in now till after holiday in June. Really down hearted as had got myself all prepared and ready to go again. Ironic thing is had wanted to go on holiday in September but booked it for June (before last cycle) thinking if I was pregnant September would be too far on. Can't even really plan when cycle will be as periods all over the place so could be June or could be July before I even start the drugs. Sat here drinking wine now 

Twinangelmummy....2ww is just the worst. Hate all that symptom checking but its impossible not to. when will you be testing? 

Ayah and Caz...great to hear how you are getting on. Hope the sickness eases up a bit for you Caz and you haven't had any more incidents at work Ayah. I forget sometimes how hard pregnancy can be....I certainly didn't find it easy

Trin...how are you getting on?

Carter...will you be having some time out before starting egg donation?  

KL....Hope you ok hun?

Penelope...hope u ok too??

Hello to Babydust

Hope I haven't missed anyone off

xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Morning ladies

It has been quiet but this is probably due to everyone being at very different stages with this journey, and perhaps on different threads now.

Twinsangrlmummy - sorry to hear you're feeling disheartened but its not over until its over. I know what you mean about knowing its coming.....but you could be wrong. Fingers crossed your feeling is incorrect🙏

Caro - How frustrating and upsetting that you can't cycle until the summer. The whole planning a holiday is a bit of a nightmare. I was putting off going away at all but then thought stuff it ! I can't have this treatment dictating my life...so we're booked for 22 May. I've become a bit 'what will be will be" now. I've even startedooking for a new car for my 40th (although not until December) Anyway good for you drinking wine

Caz - Great to hear from you and nice your checking up on us even though your dreams have come true. Sickness is a bummer....I was like you even though it made me feel like crap I didn't complain.... but my sister said to me you can complain and you're human. We all know how grateful and thankful you are but let's face it the nausea, sickness etc is bloody horrible !!!!

Carter - how's it going? Please update us.

Ayah - glad to hear you're doing okay. Hope hubby is being a bit nicer now.

Klconfused - good luck with the next step, I'll stalk you to find out how you're doing lol. Hope you're okay?

Penelope - I was going to PM you as I do wonder how you are. Not sure what to think whether it was good or bad news. Whatever the outcome please let us know that you're okay. Hasn't got to be a long post..  just concerned xx

AFM still injecting, taking tablet 3 times a day and aspirin. Feelike a junky as the meds taking all seems normal now lol. No side affects whatsoever!! Today is day 13 and have a scan this morning. Think the bum bullets will start soon too and a reduction in tablets. Just hope when it comes to transfer day next week my solo embryo defrosts okay🙏

Have a happy Friday everyone xx


----------



## Carter4

Hi All

Sorry for my absence, just needed to clear my head of all things infertility related for a while. Have had to do a lot of soul searching, and for our sins we are going to try one last time with OE's, before we move onto DE. I am not remotely optimistic but come cycle time I will try my hardest to shelve any negativity. It is my poor DH that is struggling more to come to terms with DE, whereas one minute I am fine with the concept, and then the next I have a brief wobble. Plus he pounced on our consultant suggesting we try one last time with OE. Should start DR mid May, so not long really, and because the result will be pretty life changing either way, I am kind of okay with the wait!

KL - Have been thinking about you, and hoping you are okay? You're at the halfway point for your DS selection, so fx this new avenue is the way forward for you guys x

Twinangelsmummy - How are you? Any symptoms kicked in?

ayah - How did your mw appointment go? Anymore movements felt?

Trin - Hope your scan went well on Friday, and you are already moving onto the next stage? Bit better between you and DH yet?!

caro - How bl**dy annoying having to delay. Sure can be hard on this rollercoaster! If this next cycle fails then DE cycle will follow depending on matching time. Never know we may be cycle buddies again!

Caz - Glad to see you have touched base. Didn't realise you was posting elsewhere, otherwise I would have 'stalked' you. Will be sure yo keep an eye on your progress. No wait at all for DE, which is what made the decision even harder to give my OE's one last go. When we went for our review the DE co-ordinator wanted to see us afterwards, and actually had an altruistic donor match ready to go, grrrrr so frustrating and gave me a couple of sleepless nights. At peace with our decision now (thankfully). How is the sickness, any better? Don't worry about complaining, for those of us that have suffered with ms we know only too well how debilitating it can be.

Penelope - Big hugs to you wherever you are

xxx


----------



## Twinangelsmummy83

Hi girls. Well it'd its tomo :-( I do have some symptoms but they all can be explained by crinone :-( I have sore heavy boobs and I'm bloated beyond belief. I look 6 months pregnant!! I'm dreading tomorrow because I'm frightened to know the outcome. I really don't know how I'm going to react if it's negative. 

Carter Good luck with your cycle hunni. Hope it all goes well.

Where is everyone?? Xx


----------



## ayah

Twinanglesmummy, all best for tomorrow.  Praying it is all good!

All best everyone,

Busy day so sorry no pefsonals..  take care

Ayah xxx


----------



## caro8500

Good luck for tomorrow twinangelmummy. Will be keeping all my fingers crossed for you. Are you testing in clinic or at home? xx


----------



## KLconfused

Hi all, thanks for asking after me. Im doing Ok. Im having counselling. It seems now our IVF has ended the trauma of the last 5 years has hit me. Its also testing my marriage like never before. The counsellors helping and I feel like im starting to come out of the fog of IVF. Were back to the clinic 1st May to talk about donor sperm. Im trying so hard to come to terms with it but still struggling. Im doing an ovulation kit thing now and it says im ovulating today, I can feel it too, its so frustrating im wasting an egg this month and it could be the last one. I hope we can start the donor treatment next month. 

Interestingly my counsellor said that when your going through trauma (crohns and IVF) you normalise stuff. I was so needle and hospital phobic before both and now I will show my lady bits to anyone and am not bothered by needles. However during the last FET I have started to get phobic of hospitals and ended up in tears after my FET blood test. She said its the emotions coming out that ive supressed for so long. I suppose its true. IVF does make some weird things feel normal!

Sorry for all that waffle. 

Twin mum I hope you get a BFP today. Were due another on this thread 

Good luck everyone whatever stage your at. Im going to stay away from FF for a while as I need some time to grieve and get strong again.


----------



## Carter4

Thanks for the good luck wishes twinangelsmummy, hope you got on alright this morning?

KL - Good to hear from you..........the donor aspect is difficult to come to terms with, hence why we are doing one last OE cycle. Have a feeling that if we do move onto DE's down the line, I will be chastising myself for making a fuss though! Come back fighting x


----------



## Twinangelsmummy83

Hi girls. So we got our bfp!! Can't quite believe it!! Hcg is 254!! And even had a wee scan today because my tummy is so bloated and saw a little pregnancy sac :-D 

KL hope your ok hunni. You sound like your going through a pretty tough time xx


----------



## caro8500

YEAHHHHHHHHHH.....congrats twinangelmummy. Fantastic news. 254 sounds quite high too? That has really cheered me up. Got a good feeling about things now...hopefully we'll all get there eventually. That would be absolutely amazing. 

KL....glad the counselling is helping a little. Think its good to have a bit of time out. Although we never switch off from it completely just having a break can help refresh us a bit mentally...ready to battle on. 

Quick Hi to everyone else xx


----------



## Twinangelsmummy83

Aww thank you caro!! Still in shock! Yrs I thought 254 was pretty high to but considering I had an set and the scan only showed 1 sac I'm pretty sure there's only 1 bambino! Maybe a girl this time! Lol xx


----------



## ayah

KL sorry that things are so tough for you at the moment.  Tx and the IF journey is so much harder than many would believe.  I had brakedown after last ivf.  Many seemed not to understand as I had DS.  You gave me hope and inspirantion to go on, when I wanted even not to have our last planned IVF.  I can feel like I was being a fraud, now.  But 12 years of ttc many of that on the tx boat takes its toll.  And when we have to face it that the dream may need to be altered too.

Remember how stronge you are.  Everyyhing can seem an issue and fears can come from unexpected places, and being rational can be hard when going through such hard emtional times.  Be kind to yourself.  You will get through it.  Our path through life has gental ambles and tretous mountains to climb, but you will make it over this mountain.  And I pray the otherside is a beautiful place for you.    

Take care on your brake.

Oh twinangkemummy, nearly forgot your great news! Whooop  congratulations.    so excited for you!  When is your proper 7 week scsn due?  So does that make you due December?

Take care everyone else.  Been visiting my family so very busy and not been able to keep up.  All good here so far.  Still dont feel able to be too optimistic.  Life can make one over realistic!

All best

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

on your   twinangelsmummy, you must be ecstatic  

ayah - I think having a LO already just deepens the need for a sibling, something I would never have understood before my DD. I also would have been really irritated to read this if I was still trying for my first, but nonetheless it is our perception and our truth!

Hope you are all having a lovely Easter weekend? 

I am just waiting for my AF, so I can book my pre-tx scan, anyone else feel a case of déjà-vu?!


----------



## ayah

Carter you are so right.  On reprospect trying for DS was an emtionally much easier journey.  I had not expected trying for a second to be so so much harder emtionally.  I had expected that it would be something that we had a go at and just be happy to have had the chance to try, even if it didnt work out.  A real shock to me to find out the realaty for me.  That is why I would never say "at least you have DS / DD" as it not about being unappricative it is about them having a sibling.  Guess success with a first can give a slight expectation that it WILL happen again.  Well for me anyway.

Hope you are all doing well.  Take care and still praying that your drwams come true

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Amazing isn't ayah how we look back at our trials and tribulations to get our first LO's, and realise that journey was easier. The angst, determination and resolve to get a sibling for our DD's and DS's really is something to behold. I too was exactly like you and so very naively thought we had this ivf treatment mastered, and pregnancy would follow soon. What an idiot eh?! It's been a scary road to travel slowly coming to terms with the fact that this just might not happen. I don't want to go past my 40th year trying again and again, so I think the end is near either way. Just really hope we get another happy ending. It really shouldn't be too much to ask for x


----------



## ayah

Carter life can be a strange thing.  I had DS with iui and kind of assumed  that is all it would take.  But then i took a year off with DS thinking I wanted to spend as much time at home with him incase he was our only one.  Like a part of me knew he might be our only one, but another part hoped we would get a sibling within a year or two with iui.  Hopeful part was the stronger voice.  

It sounds wrong to say this but I almost felt envey of those coulles who feel content with 1, whether they needed tx or not.  Now feel frurd for feeling so low, when I just needed to wait.

Praying for your dreams to come  true

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Can't get over how quiet it is on here now  . Has everyone moved on? Do I need to find a new thread? 

Not much to report really, still waiting for AF to arrive, and then we start DRing 21 days later. Having said that, now it's starting to get real again, I feel like running for the hills, so may delay for one more cycle, ho hum, decisions decisions!

I totally understand what you mean about being content with one, I would give my right arm to feel this way. Although somewhere deep inside me I am mentally shifting towards this, need to start preparing for this outcome.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing ayah, you wasn't to know that you would fall pregnant.

Trin - Have a feeling your ET must be imminent? Good luck if so x

Hi to anyone else still reading


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

I haven't posted in a while as things are really crap with DH so much so that I'm considering calling it a day. I've always accepted that he couldn't have children naturally but in return I expect support in trying to extend our family as I always wanted to try for two children. Financially he earns a very good salary so I see it as being fortunate to be able to afford treatment NOT seeing it as a waste of money. 

I had to plead with him to try again and even said I'd pay for it myself. He signed the consent forms but since then hasn't asked a thing about how it's going, how I'm feeling but chooses to stress me out!!

Sorry for the rant but I'm confused as to what my future holds for my marriage. 

Meds were fine and no side effects at all. I told myself if the call the call today from the embyrologist today said my embryo didn't survive the thaw I'd call it a day......BUT my embryo did survive!! Had transfer today (day 6 blast) test day on 30 April..just not sure how I feel or what I think at the moment. 

Anyway I see we had a BFP on here which is great.

Carter/Ayer - I know what you mean about trying for number 2. The desire is no different to trying for no.1. Plus we assume our body has done it before do it should be able to do again. Now I'm worrying about my marriage...Carter glad to see and hear you'll be trying again soon.

Caro - you'll be cycling again soon too 

I'll update you with my results whether good or bad. It's good to let everyone know e


----------



## Trin Trin

Oops pressed send by accident. But yes I'll let you all know. I'm not going to test early this time.....too much other stuff going on anyway.

Take care all xx


----------



## caro8500

Hi all

Trin Trin...sorry to hear things so hard with DH. All the fertility stuff really seems to test relationships to the limit. Althopugh it can be emotionally hard for both men and women but we are the ones who have all the physical stuff treatment brings with it to deal with on top of that...so I don't think a bit of support is too much to ask for. Hope you manage to work things out and great news about your embryo surviving...fingers crossed this is the one.

Carter...Not always easy to decide when to cycle again. Need to be emotionally ready (or as ready as its possible to be!) for it I guess. An extra month won't hurt if you're not sure. I had felt really ready for it so bit of a blow to have to wait again. Its going to be at least another 2 AFs possibly 3   


twinangelmummy...how are you getting on? Will you be due a scan soon?

Caz...Hope things are going well, have you had any more scans yet?

Ayah...I never thought I'd feel this desperate to have a second after being so fortunate with DS. Always wanted more than one but thought if it didn't happen then I'd be ok...now I'm not so sure. But I guess non of us know what's round the corner, if we did then it might be easier to deal with the here and now. 

AFM. Another pregnancy announcement at work and with their second child too. That's nearly everyone I know now who is either pregnant with or had their second. Feel really left behind. Non stop pregnancy/baby chat in the office too...great


----------



## ayah

Hi ladies,

It has bedn quiet here, but the other threafs i post on have bern very quiet too.  

Trin so sorry that you are gojng through difficult time with DH,  having isdues here to.  Now Im not trying I can see the cracks more and not even sure I can be bothered to try and fix them,  hope all works out for you.  Prehaps trying again simply reminds him of what he cannot give you?  Great news that frostie now has s nice warm home.  Hope it settles in.  

Thank you for all the understanding posts. So nice to be normal.  I know a few ladies who cjose only yo have one ivf baby as it so hard to go through,  it made me wonder if it normal to try so hard for  number two?

Quite tired. Sorry no persinals but thougyts always with you

Ayah xxx


----------



## ayah

Sorry such bad typing.  Hooe that you got what i was trying to say


----------



## Carter4

you get your   tomorrow Trin x

It's shaping up to be an important day for a couple of my friends tomorrow, one is in for EC and one is going for her first scan following a bfp. They both have LO's already. The latter cycled back in 2011, got a bfp but then had a m/mc. It's taken her this long to go again, somehow she secured funding, I have no idea how, and haven't asked either!

As for me I am back in the quagmire of ivf, have my pre-tx scan this Friday, so transfer will likely be mid June. I am at peace with possibly needing DE if this cycle fails, seems I just needed a bit of time to come to terms with it all. Now it doesn't seem half as scary, in fact quite the opposite, exciting almost.

Hope everyone else is okay?

I read your sad news twinangelsmummy, and I am so sorry, it does seem dreadfully unfair given all you have gone through x

KL I too hope that your meeting on Thursday provides a way forward for you x

Penelope I still think of you and really do wonder what your outcome was? Again I hope you are alright x

ayah - Thank for continuing to keep an eye on us all x

caro - Blast these regular pregnancy announcements, one friend who is about 30 weeks pregnant (natural bfp, following ivf for first LO), announced at the same time as my failed fertilisation cycle back in October. That was a difficult one to swallow, but somehow I managed, then she really upset the apple cart for me, by saying she thinks she would have been alright with just one, we'll how very ****** tactful, and what a lovely place to speculate from. One blast on ice for her, will be donated for research! Anyway I'll shuddup now!

ps - Off to hunt out some posts from you Caz, check everything is alright. In case I get sidetracked, I hope the ms has eased up and all is well with your twinnies and you x


----------



## Caz174

Hey carter and everyone else sorry sorry again I am useless  

I am at last 12 weeks and ms has started to ease slightly still need the tablets though xx had a bit of a scare on Sunday eve started loosing loads of blood so freaked out and went to the local urgent care to be told they don't scan at any local hospitals on a Sunday plus there isn't anything they can do to stop a m/c so with those kind words I went home   luckily by morning it had stopped and the hospital scanned me yesterday and showed 2 bouncing babies to scary that you can get this far down the road and still be thrown a curve ball .....

Anyway sorry for waffling on carter your off and running again that's great news I know it's such an uphill struggle emotionally and physically but you must try and stay positive xx I honestly am keeping everything crossed for you honey I completely get how 1 isn't enough as soon as my ds was born I was thinking about number 2 xx it is so frustrating like you say once you have 1 you do think you have it mastered it's such a hit and miss thing with no reason for success or failure  xx sending you all the luck on the world honey xxx

Ayah how are you getting on honey ? Xx

Caro I really feel for you honey what's the next step for you xx

Trin keeping everything crossed for you for tomorrow xx I am sorry to hear your struggling at home it's so tough and such a strain  on everyone involved  but it's tough doing it with no support sending you a massive   Xx

Twins angels sending you a massive congrats on your bfp so pleased for you xxxx

Hi to anyone I've missed xx

I have my official 12 week scan next week so fill be good to get that out the way xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

It's a    for me today!! Plus had a blood test done this afternoon and clinic confirmed also 

Although happy I'm always cautious as I know how easily this can change due to past experiences. Scan booked for 21 May.

Funny but I had a feeling it had worked...everything felt so different. I remember Caz and Carter saying this but I'd never experienced before. Plus both have had success with FET so I'm hoping I'll be just a fortunate🙏

Sorry for no personals but I'm at work but wanted to let you all knows.

Positive thoughts to you all xx


----------



## caro8500

Just a quick one to say congrats Trin Trin.....lovely to hear your positive news. Hopefully you can relax a bit now before your scan. 

xx


----------



## Carter4

Trin, wonderful news to log on to - doing it for the oldies   x ps frosties are the best!

Caz sorry to see you had such a worrying moment in your pregnancy. Not much consolation when you are personally experiencing the bleeding but I have heard it is very common for twin pregnancies. Glad to hear both babies are fine x

Well good news all round then, my buddy got 10 at EC, and the other saw a hb. Now if I can just pinch a smidgen of that good luck floating around, hmmmm!!!


----------



## Twinangelsmummy83

Hi girls, at 6 
just wanted to let you know that unfortunately I have miscarried. Started bleeding last night at 6w1d. I am so gutted. We are taking a break now and trying to enjoy our little boy. we are thinking of trying injectins with timed intercourse towards end of year but at minute just going to  go away on holiday and drink lots of wine. Im just very angry at the minute, I was prepared for the cycle not working but to be given a baby to yet again have it taken from us is just cruel :-(

Hope you are all doing ok whatever stage you are at xxxx


----------



## Caz174

Trin I've been stalking you all day I am over the moon for you lovely that really is fabulous news        Xx it's hard to explain but all 3 times I was preggers I knew way before I tested xxx wowza can go to sleep happy  

Carter thanks for the words I knew there wasn't enough to be a full on m/c but is still worrying   xx but all good now 

On count down for you now you must be next  

Hi to everyone else sorry off to snoozing now night all xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Evening all

Twinsangelsmummy - so sorry to hear about the miscarriage, this journey has been so cruel to you😥. To go through all of this then to be taken away is unbearable. I wish you well for the future.

Caro, Carter and Caz thank you so much for your kind words. Lol Caz stalking me all day.....I do the same😜 Yes I had a feeling it had worked. My body just felt different. Anyway you poor thing re the bleeding.....must have been so scary. Thank goodness both babies are okay. Cannot believe you're 12 weeks already. 

Carter - Well I'm glad I've given us older ladies hope😉When did you turn 40? Did you have a good birthday? Happy belated    Well we're all here to support you and I'll be checking for updates!!

Night all xx


----------



## Caz174

Twins angel I am so so sorry that is just so cruel you have had such a mean journey sending you a massive   Honey xx


----------



## Carter4

Twinangelsmummy - I am so sorry for the heartache you are having to endure  

Caz - Hope you're right and I'm next!

Trin - My birthday was 3/52 ago. Was a quiet affair, hubby, dd and I went away for a couple of nights, which was bliss, but tiring with 16 month needing constant entertaining. Still wouldn't have it any other way. Thanks for the support hun.

AFM - Getting a little nervous about tomorrow's pre-tx scan, worried I'm not going to have any follies, given the fact that my fertility has taken a sharp dive in the last few years.


----------



## ayah

Hi ladies,

I did a nice big post yesterday then list it!  Was too tired to start again.

Twinangle mummy, so very sorry for your loss again.    .  Really hate how joy can be snatched so crulely.  Are they going to do immunity testing or other tests to see why you are m/c.  So so hope things will work for you soon.    

Trin big fat congratulations!  Praying its a sticky one.   

Caz congratulations on the 12 week mark.  Sorry  about the bleeding.  There have bern quite a few on my bfp due septoct thread with bleeding and it eventually stopped.  Must be a constant worry though.  Hooe it has eased off now.  Feet up and take care.

Carter all best for scan tomorrow.  Praying all is going well.

Hi everyone else.  Sorry no more personals but you all in my thoughts

Ayah xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Thanks Ayah. 

Carter just checking in to see how your appointment went today. 

Hi to everyone and hope you have a lovely long weekend xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi All,

So sorry I have been awol for some time. I have been lurking in the background and following the posts.

Im not quite sure where to start as so much seems to have been going on with everyone, apologies if I miss someone out or get you mixed up!!

Trin Trin, fab news on the bfp and hope the next few weeks go quickly so you can have your scan!!

Twinangelsmummy, I am so so sorry to hear your sad news. Hope you are looking after yourself and that your LO is helping to numb the pain somewhat. 

Ayah, hoping all is well with you?

Caz, have you had your official 12 weeks scan yet? Sorry to hear you had a scare with the bleeding but great that all was well when they scanned you. 

Carter, how did your treatment scan go Fri? Hoping all was well. 

Caro, pregnancy announcements are awful arent they. Especially at work when we spend so much time there. When we were going through treatment for out DS I think we had about 5 announcements in the space of a month. I spent the whole time trying to avoid the pregnancy conversations and bumps!! Hope the waiting for treatment is going quickly for you?

AFM, thank you for asking after me. We got a bfp, but I was too scared to share the news, even on here! Im now 9 + 3 weeks and still petrified something is going to go wrong. We had a scare last week with some heavy bleeding and a scan has confirmed all ok but there is is some bleeding evident in the womb so I've been told to expect some more blood loss over the next week(s) so Im still finding it hard to relax. We have another scan with the clinic in 2 weeks time and then we are over to the NHS. I probably wont post much as not spending much time on FF at the moment but I will check in from time to time to see how you are all getting on. 

xxx


----------



## Carter4

Hi Guys

Lovely to hear from you Penelope, especially with your good news too, so glad you updated us all.

Starting to feel a bit left behind though, silly I know, but that's what this journey does to you.

Scan was much of a muchness, only eight follies, was secretly hoping for more, but then I have to keep reminding myself of my lovely new age! It's probably because it is our last ditch attempt with OE's, so really would like to be in the running before moving onto DE's. 

Thanks for the good luck wishes ayah, and asking after me Trin and Penelope.

Hope everyone else is okay?

DR starts 18/05.

xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Please dont be disheartened Carter, 8 follies is a good number.  Will keep an eye out for your posts!


----------



## ayah

Penelope so so pleased for you! Congratulations.  I get were you are coming from, not wanting to anouce.  Hope the bleed eases off.  Must be so scary.  Lots of rest if you can.

Carter, hope that you soon jion us bfps.  Hope that the weeks go smoothly for you.

We have 5 pregnaceies at work.  Quite strange being on the other side of it, espceially as we now have two girls with IF issues.  I want to talk non stop about my bump, but scared they will walk through.  One of the girls had a hysterectomy a few years back and although she says she is fine with it all, I do wonder.  Though that my just be me,.

Hi everyone elsr, Caz all best for 12 week scan.  Caro hope you doing ok.  Twinanglemummy thoughts are with you.  KL still thinking of you.  Hoping that things are getting easier.  Big    .  Praying 40 will be a good year for you.

Apart from fainting, spd and tiredness Im doing ok. Small prices to pay.  Still not quite believing it. Still scared it my go wrong.  21 +5, so getting closer.  Thank you for asking after me.

Best wishes 

Ayah xxx


----------



## caro8500

Twinangelmummy.....so sorry. Can only imagine how devastating it must be to get so far for that to happen. Life is just so cruel sometimes. Take care x

Penelope.....lovely to hear from you. So glad your news is so positive. I had a few friends who bled in early pregnancy (all was fine with their babies) but must be really frightening. 

Carter....well done with your 8 follies. 8 sounds pretty good to me. Know what you mean about feeling left behind. I keep telling myself to be patient and hopefully my time will come but its hard. Do you know when EC will be yet?

Ayah...can't believe how quick time is passing. Have you started buying all you're baby stuff yet or are you waiting till a bit further on.

Hi to Caz, KL and Trin Trin...hope you all ok xx

Ayah


----------



## ayah

Time really does fly!  Hope that you are here really soon Caro.  I lived in hope and kept everything, so only need to get mattrasses.  Got a crib as I wanted one last time but got a mases basket instead.  Mind this all happened whilst I was sorting things out ready to move on and sell the baby stuff.  Glad I felt so unwell or I would have a lot to buy!  

DS has been talking about having another baby after this, as my friends with two are having/ recently had number three.  I had hoped for three but cant go through it again, and if it takes another 5 years Ill be well into 40s.  Kinda hope he will be happy with one once he sees how much work babies are.  Well he has offered to do the night feeds   .  

Ayah xxx


----------



## Caz174

Penelope that's fantastic news so so pleased for you xxx hope you have escaped the sickness xx

Ayah you have been fainting ?? Are you ok xx

Caro hi honey hope your ok xx

Carter 8 follies sounds good to me fx they work their magic and  all 8 produce eggs I'm sure this has to be your time xx

Trin hope your feeling ok and it's starting to sink in   

I have my official 12 week scan thurs well will actually be 13.5 weeks but still be nice to see the babies  xx


----------



## ayah

Caz you must be chomping at the bit foe that scan!  Hope all goes well!

It a weird thing with me. Im ok most of time but sometimes come over lightheaded and my leggs gofrom beneath me.  I dont black out.  It seems to be when Im feeling really stressed. Like if OH picks an arguement, or bit to much going on at work.  Well doent need to be much going on at work,but my mind is getting over loaded quite quick!  Think thats what the stress is, not coping withwhat I did without thought before!  All seems fine, I just chill if it happens.

Carter do you have more scans?

PP how you getting on?

Hi everyone else. Hope you doing ok.

Ayah xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Evening ladies!!

Hey Carter, try not to feel like that and I know its easier said than done. You're not being left behind although it may feel that way. We're all right behind you sending you positive thoughts and vibes. On a positive note 8 follies!!!!!! That's a good number hon...lets try and keep positive👍👍

Caz, bet you're looking forward to the milestone scan. How exciting to see your babies on the screen.

Caro, not long now until you start cycling. I know what it's like when you hear pregnancy announcements. Recently I've found it easier to deal with.

Ayah, sorry to hear about the fainting etc. Wow you're more than half way now....exciting

Penelope, good to hear from you and your BFP

AFM I'm doing okay. Grateful and thankful the waiting continues plus trying not to read too much into every twinge, ache etc.

Night x


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi all

Just wanted to update you all.

My levels have dropped and I'm sadly going to miscarry. Totally devastated and now think its time to put all this fertility behind me. Going through treatment is one thing, getting pregnant then it's taken away is heartbreaking and my heart cannot cope with the pain it causes.

Wishing you all the best.

Caro and Carter I will log on from time to time to check your progress. Caz, Ayah and Penelope I wish you all a healthy pregnancy xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Just a quickie from me as I didn't want to read and run. Trin Trin I'm so so sorry, I don't know what to say. Life can be so cruel sometimes . As you said, it's hard enough going through treatment in the first place but then to get pregnant and have it snatched away from you is heartbreaking. My thoughts are with you xxx


----------



## caro8500

Oh no...so sorry Trin Trin. So sad for you. Must be totally devastating to get so far then this to happen. 
Not surprising that you feel like you can't go through it all again. Wish you all the best whatever you decide
xx


----------



## Caz174

Oh Trin that is truly heartbreaking I'm so so sorry honey xx I was sure this was your time   It makes me so so angry there is no justice xx take care of yourself now    Xx


----------



## Carter4

Oh Trin I am so very gutted for you hun. I really feel for you, and hope that you will be okay sooner rather than later. It is absolutely ****e this whole process. We all know that it can work, but the bitter disappointments that can occur on our own individual journey's are terrible to go through. You WILL be alright sweetie, massive hugs xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Thanks girls for all the kind words I'm pretty peed off at the moment as I thought I'd had my share of bad luck. Starting to think that perhaps there's an issue as I miscarried at 11 weeks in 2011, a chemical in February and now another miscarriage at 6 + 3 weeks......although the miscarriage hasn't started yet. No bleeding yet which is even more annoying, plus I'm supposed to be going on holiday on 22nd😡😡

Great holiday that's going to be......even thinking I may not be able to go😥

Moan over, thanks again.......oh DH now doesn't wanna stop, he's talking about his plan of giggling money around to have more attempts. Where as I have had enough and willing to stop now......we'll see x


----------



## ayah

Trin, so so sorry.  I have not been on FF all week so sorry for late reply.  Was so hoping that one by one we were all going to get there real soon.  Must make it even harder not just to be able to move on, when you know its coming.  Take care thoughts with you

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Hope you still get to go on your holiday Trin. Will you book a review and then take it from there?

I'm out of the starting blocks again, here's hoping!! xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Afternoon everyone!

Just a quickie from me to say good luck to Carter and to check in on Trin. I hope you get to go on yours hols Thursday, you deserve a break after all you have been through these last few months. 

xxxx


----------



## Caz174

Just a quick one to say hi to everyone

Hope you get your holidays trin you really need it xx

Carter good luck honey keeping everything crossed make sure you keep is updated xx

Hope everyone else is going well   Xx


----------



## Carter4

Thanks ladies, hope you are and the rest of the gang are coping okay in the heat? xx


----------



## ayah

Cartera allbest.  So sohoping for you.

Trin hope you ok as can be.    hope that you can still get away.  

All best everyone!  

Love hugs thoughts prayers with you all.

Ayah xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Just to update you bleed started over the weekend and its almost stopped now. Had to do test yesterday to make sure all has gone.......and yep it was negative😥
Going away today for a week to Tunisia and I really need this break !!!

DH has changed his tune soooo much. He doesn't want to give up and has all these plans of getting more money together. Crazy now the roles reversed. I decided to order a new car!!! Gonna treat myself in preparing to be 40. I though the baby was going to be the best present ever as I would have due 2 weeks after my birthday😥

Anyway Carter good luck this cycle.....we're all here to support you👍

Hope pregnancies are going well for Ayah, Caz and Penelope.

X


----------



## ayah

Trin I am so very sorry.  Wish there was something I could do or say.  Like you say as it would have been due so close to birthday it just made it that little more poinent.  Have a peaceful holiday.

Take care

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Thanks ayah - How many weeks are you now? x

Trin I hope your holiday does you the power of good. It is so sad to read about your experience, and I really hope you are as okay as you can be. No reason why your future can't hold a car and a LO for you, fx uber tightly crossed x

Thanks for the good luck, I'm trying to remain cautiously optimistic, but well aware of the likelihood given my last two cycles. Still, got to be in it to win it!


----------



## ayah

Carter,  24 weeks.  All best for you.  Compketely  get the cautiosly optimistic,  we just need to damped any blow thay may come our way.  Even now I cant let mysrlf get too excited,  like I woukd be being cocky expecting a happ y ending.  

DS is still wanting us to have a girl baby, and got quite up set when I said this would probly be the last one.  Hes still hoping there two in there.  I  could not say outright I wont be trying for more.  Had hoped he would be happy with one sibling, but my friends now all have three!  Why did they do that!!! I dont begroudge, just wish that this would have put the guilt to rest.6666666

Sorry to moan.  You are still hoping to give your LO a sibling and I truely hope that you all do soon.  I just had a little cry inside that DS so wants a sister.  Was showing me toys he wants to buy her.  I am so happy just to be pregnant and really didnt care if it a boy or  girl 

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Oh bless you ayah, don't forget your pregnancy hormones will be rampaging. You are on the home straight now, and I am sure when your new arrival is here your DS will be chuffed either way. You are allowed to moan. I know we need to try and be mindful of each other's circumstances, but it is nobody's fault the way the cards fall. Hope that makes sense? xx

AFM - Full of a rotten cold, which I could do without, it's a corker, all my limbs ache and even my flippin' feet. Can't believe it is DR day 6 already!


----------



## ayah

Thank you Carter.  I am at the stage of potentially viable, which is great feeling.  DS is really excited, but  likes babies too much, bless him.  I did suggest that we could adopt a girl, as even jf i did get pregnant again it might be boy.  We are quite religious so I said it is God who decides if gorl or boy not us.  So he asked if you are god you can decide to have a girl?  Like I can just become god like thst!  Really love kids logic   .

Anyway then I said when he is older he and his eife can try and have a girl baby.  So he looked at his tummy ans said, I can have a girl baby?  Who knows, prehaps in 15 years times men will carrybabies!

Take care all

Confused Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Clever boy you have there ayah, I love children's logic!

How is everyone else? 

I'm just plain sick of this damp weather. 

One of my old cycle buddies who I am still in touch with, our girls are three days apart, has just got a bfp on her first attempt for a sibling. She used a frostie (must have been a good batch). I am genuinely pleased for her, but can't help feeling sad for our own situation. Obviously one of those days today.

xxx


----------



## ayah

Carter, when I first started trying again, it did not bother me when people were haveing number2, 3 or 4.  But as time goes not it felt like a slap in the face.  Being reminded of what I could not achieve.  Happy for them and sad that I was once again being reminded that it just not that easy for us.  Then all the "helpful people saying at least you have one, and be grateful you have one!!!  Need say no more as to what thet feel like or my thoughts on it!  

Takeit easy on yourself.  I pray your time will come soon and that you can stay stronge.

Love to all

Ayah xxx


----------



## Caz174

Hey ladies how are you all ? 

Carter your cycling again when do you start stimming it have you started already ? It must be so hard hearing other stories but try not to let it get to you keeping every ing crossed for you xx  

Ayah hope all is still going well with you time is really flying now xx

Trin are you back from holiday now ? Hope you had a fabulous time xx

Penelope hope all is going smoothly with you xx

Afm I'm now 17 weeks !!  it's been a busy few weeks after  my 12 week scan one of the babies came back as a slightly higher risk of downs so had various appointments and extra scans since as refused the Amnio because of the higher risk of mc with twins xx anyway we decided we  wouldn't do anything anyway and so  far nothing has shown in the scans xx we won't know for sure until the babies come but it's been great seeing so much of them  xx sending big   To you all xx


----------



## ayah

Caz, wow 17 weeks. Only feels like a few weeks ago you got the bfp.  Hope all tutns out well for both babies.  Must be so worrying.  I didnt do the test at 12 as we knew it wouldnt make any differrnce.  Guess it does give time to prepare for possible DS but then I knew I would just worry.  

How is everyone else getting on?  Trin, hope that you ferling little "better" if thats the word.  .  

Pen hows everything with you?  

Carter hope you not feeling to bad on the meds.  Thinking of you all

Ayah xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Well I had a fab holiday and have to say it was much needed. Did all the naughty things like eating and drinking whatever I like!! Still feel a bit numb but I'm feeling a lot better about things. Will probably try again July/August and see what happens......

Carter hope its going okay I'm keeping everything possible I can cross for you🙏

Ayah and Caz your pregnancies are both going so quickly. Caz positive thoughts for you and hoping both babies will be fine. Must be lovely being able to see them on the scans

😘


----------



## ayah

Trin so glad you were able to really enjoy your holiday.  Wow it not long till you try again!  Hope that you can keep that positive feeling going.  

Pen how are things for you?  It been long time.  Hope all is OK.  

All best everyone

Ayah xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Good morning everyone!

Im sorry Ive been missing for some time, I have been reading your posts and have been meaning to post for a while but things have been so manic I havent had chance. 

Trin Trin, firstly I am so so sorry about what happened. Im glad that you had a nice holiday and enjoyed the naughty things!!! Its good to have a blow out!! Im wishing you all the luck in the world for your next cycle in a few months. Stay strong. 

Caz, sounds like you have had a stressful few weeks but Im sure all will be well with both your little ones when they arrive. Are you going to find out the sex at your next scan? 

Ayah, hope you are well and starting to enjoy the pregnancy now. I know what you mean about being scared to get excited or enjoy it for fear of something going wrong. Ive been feeling that so much more with this pregnancy than when I was pregnant first time around. Then I feel guilty for not being excited and its a vicious circle!! 

Carter, the pregnancy announcements are hard arent they? I htought that would change once we'd had one baby but it doesnt, and people dont understand as they think you should be happy with one if you've had IVF or infertility problems. If only it were that simple!! 
Where are you in your cycle now? Hoping you are feeling well and not getting too many side effects? 

AFM, Im just over 14 weeks now. It still doesnt feel real and Im desperately trying to relax and enjoy being pregnant whilst also being petrified somethings going to go wrong. Will try not to leave it so long before I post again!! 

xxxx


----------



## ayah

Pen so glad to hear from you!  Missed you.  Get what you mean on the excitment front.  Or lack of ability to be.  Rwally thought this one would be easier.  Great that you are in 2nd trimester nowM  great news.  Hope your symptoms not too bad.

Take care

Ayah xxx


----------



## caro8500

Hi All

Been following from a far but whilst nothings been happening with me I've been trying not to think about it all too much...hope that make sense. Having said that been for scan/bloods today and all ready to start down regulating when I come back from our hols at the end of June. (I'd add an excited smiley here if I knew how to ha ha)

Wow can't believe how quickly the pregnancies are going now. It seems like no time at all since your BFPs Caz and Penelope....and only a few months left for you Ayah! I kind of thought that if it happens again for me that second time round I'd be less worried that first time round but given everyone else's experiences it doesn't look likely. I remember struggling to be able to let go and enjoy the pregnancy...always the fear of what if. 

Carter.. how's the down reg going? Hope you are feeling ok

Trin Trin...might not been much time between our next cycles. Glad you enjoyed your holiday. Can't wait for mine now, aside from anything could really do with the break from work stress which has been pretty bad recently. Hopefully I'll be lovely and relaxed before starting my cycle too!

xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi all,

Caro, great news on starting your cycle when you get back from hols. I really hope that you have a lovely time and come back nice and refreshed to start again. I’m also hoping that when you get your bfp that you are able to relax at little more than some of us!!! Although saying that I’m starting to enjoy the pregnancy a bit more now. 

Carter, how are you getting on? Are you still down regging or have you started stimms yet? Hoping you are well. 

Ayah, I’m good thanks, no real symptoms as such, apart from yesterday I had awful heartburn/indigestion but I didn’t know it was that at the time and felt like I was having a heart attack!!!  

Trin Trin, hope you are well and still nice and chilled after your hols? 

I need to have a rant ladies if you don’t mind, I hope what I’m going to say doesn’t offend anyone but hoping someone might understand why I’m feeling the way I am. 
As I think I’ve said before I still find pregnancy announcements hard even now, especially when people get pregnant very easily. Anyway, I found out yesterday my younger sister is 11 weeks pregnant with her first baby. She was planning on getting married next summer (nothing booked as yet) but unbeknown to us had decided that they would start to try for a baby as she thought that she would need IVF (she had not reason to think this but assumed as I had had it she would too). Anyway they got pregnant a lot quicker than they anticipated, much to her disappointment it would seem as this has now affected wedding plans and it almost seems that she feels cheated out of not needing IVF. This in itself has annoyed me as I wouldn’t wish fertility problems on anyone but she has always been in competition with me from a young age  and I know that she would want people to think that she has had things tougher than me!! The other thing annoying me and I now this is silly but it feels a little like her pregnancy is now overshadowing mine as she is due 4 weeks after me. I wanted this pregnancy to be about us as when we were pregnant the first time my single sis in law got jealous and decided to have donor sperm and get pregnant first time so all of the focus was on her and now it will be all on my sister as everyone will be shocked as they thought she would get married first and its her first so everyone tends to fuss over you more than if you are pregnant with 2/3 etc. I know it cant and it wont take away from hubby and I how precious and special both our babies are but I have very mixed feelings about my sisters pregnancy at the moment. She’s also not looking after herself, working lots of overtime and then moaning she’s not feeling well so it feels like she’s not grateful for the gift she’s been given. 

Im so sorry to go on but I needed to offload. Again, I am so sorry if what I’ve said has offended anyone. 

xxxx


----------



## ayah

Caro, great that you got a start date and after a lovely holiday too.  Praying for that 9months of bfp!

Carter where are you at?  Hopeing same for you too! Hope you not too badly effected with side effects.

Pen, how you feel sounds very natural.  We had a patient with bowel cancer.  First few appointments for chemo, her friend came with her, but then stopped.  It turned out the friend was jelous of the attension she was getting or should I say support she was getting to help with hospital visits etc!  The now exfriend even said she was putting on the chemo symptoms to get more attension!  

Some people dont know how to be greatful for not having to suffer!  They think it all about getting attension.  I can understand why she may have worried that she may have had issues, but to be annoyied that she hasnt...!  Can see why you feel cross.  In time I hope that being so close together the cousins will be good friends.  And her baby will be happy to have a level headed aunty to turn too.

Alk best

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Hi Ladies

Have been popping on from time to time to catch up with your news, but seem to be in a bit of denial for this cycle so have been keeping a deliberate low profile!

ayah - Thank you for your kind words, I am trying to stay strong. I am also trying to squash down the magnitude of this cycle. Have been emotional during the downregging stage of this cycle, thought I was going to be okay, but then it kicked in good style. How are you fairing? x

Caz - If it makes you feel any better I have read quite a few stories on twin pregnancies throwing a curve ball measurement, then both twins have been fine. I would have refused the amnio too. I hope you are still able to enjoy your pregnancy x ps I have started stimms now x

Trin - Thanks for all the body crossing, and I'm glad you was able to switch off a bit on your holiday. Good luck for July/August x

Penelope - Wow 15 weeks already, time really does fly. Maybe you will ease into your pregnancy more once you have your 20 week scan under your belt? As you asked Caz, will you find out team blue/pink?
No offence taken, and it must be very trying dealing with a competitive sister. My sil was, and I quote "gutted", when we finally fell with our DD!!! I'll say no more, other than there are some very self centred people in this world x 

caro - You'll be up and running before you know it. Hope you have a wonderfully relaxing holiday, anywhere nice? x

KL - Not sure if you are reading anymore, but hope you are okay? x

AFM - EC next week some time, I am being cagey, and couldn't even tell you why, guess self preservation is ramping up. Will be sure to let you know outcome though!


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning everyone! 

Carter, great to hear from you! I dont blame you for being cagey about dates re treatment etc, I was the same with this cycle. I think you are right, its a form of self preservation. We will all be thinking of you next week and praying you get your long awaited bfp at the end of it!! The emotions dont get any easier no matter how many times you have treatment or if you already have LO's so dont try to fight them, I find that only makes it worse. 

Thank you for your kind words about my sis and sil. It seems that Im not the only one with selfish relatives!! 

I hope everyone else is well? 

xxx


----------



## Carter4

Thank you so much for your lovely words too Penelope, keep those prayers going for me! 

We trod on eggshells with my sil during my pregnancy, no mention on **, minimal chat when we were all together, then when she fell it was the exact opposite!

KL just tried hunting for you, and spotted your signature, so tonnes of luck being sent to you for your 2ww.


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Hope all are well.

Just a quick pop in to wish Carter well for egg collection.....not sure what day OTD scheduled for but I'm thinking of you. I know how much this cycle means to you so fingers crossed 🙏

Caro - it's possible we could be cycling but I'm in no rush to start again now. I like being normal and not thinking about TTC. I know I can't put it off but I've been making plans without always thinking about treatment etc. I booked my 40th girly birthday holiday in December. We'll see but for now I don't want to be on the roller coaster.....perhaps it's denial.

Anyway hope those with bumps are all doing okay😃


----------



## Trin Trin

Oops Carter message should say egg collection not OTD!! Sorry x


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## Penelope Pitstop

Just a quickie to say good from me to Carter for EC this week. Thinking of you.

Trin Trin lovely to hear from you and great that you are taking some time to do the things you want to do. 

Xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Sorry that meant to read good luck


----------



## Carter4

Thanks so much Trin and Penelope. 

EC tomorrow morning, anxiety notching up a level now. Not great numbers again, just need good maturation and fertilisation levels to be in with a chance.

As for wanting to feel 'normal' Trin, I totally hear you. Such a weight is lifted when in between treatment cycles. Funny how things change, because I would have been pulling my hair out pre DD. 

Hope everyone else is okay?


----------



## Trin Trin

Carter I know easier said than done but quality is the most important factor not the quantity!! Good luck xx


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## Carter4

4 eggs


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## Penelope Pitstop

Yeah!!! Well done you!!! Hope you are resting up. Good luck for the call tomorrow xxx


----------



## Carter4

Ahhh cheers Penelope, it's appreciated xx


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## Trin Trin

Well done Carter!! Fingers crossed for tomorrow 🙏 x


----------



## Carter4

Fankoo Trin xx


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## Caz174

So sorry girls where have the last couple of weeks gone xx

Carter I am so happy for you honey 4 eggs is brilliant keeping everything crossed for good news tomorrow I'm   That this is your time you so deserve it so much honey sending massive   To you and everyone else 

Sorry will do proper personals tomorrow as I 'm off to bed xx


----------



## ayah

Carter great news!  Praying that they are all mighty fine ones and they nicelly developing tomorrow and beyound.  Sorry I been bit quiet here recently.  Thinking of you all but sometimes even the simplist words seem hard to write.

Trin glad you making most of your time being you for a while.  We can loss yourselves in all this tx.  

Hope your pregnaceies are cooking well Caz and Pen.

Did someone mention that KL was trying again with DE?  If so and you reading, think of you a lot and hope it going well.

Love to all.

Ayah xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Hi all, 
sorry I haven't chance to comment on all as im in a rush but just to let you know I got a BFP yesterday!! 
We have given up on ICSI and our clinic told us to use donor eggs as im old (just 40). Agghh. Anyway as they never identified a problem with me we decided to do donor sperm but do it privately with no drugs or intervention. I found a wonderful donor who was so reliable and business like. He was fantastic. I did the AI myself. I met him twice the first month but it didn't work and then we met 3 times this month and I got my BFP yesterday. I still cant believe it. 6 years of pretty hellish drugs, scans and emotional turmoil and this time no drugs and a syringe of sperm up me a few times, lay still for 30 mins and bobs your uncle!! Hubby cried when I told him I had the BFP. Hopefully we will all be OK with it being a donor sperm child. Im sure we will. It feels different this time. Im so excited I want to tell everyone but were waiting for 12 weeks scan. I know its early days and at my age the risk of miscarriage is high but ive got so much confidence that it happened naturally. The clinic took away all my confidence and I was only a couple of months away from going the donor egg route. 
Ive also started to get scared about the translucal scan and preeclampsia and birth - long way to go yet!! Couldn't be any better at the moment. Sorry for the waffle. Hard to explain what ive done as I didn't tell many people incase they thought I was bonkers but im so glad we did it the way we did. I know if wont help with female fertility issues but hopefully it might inspire some of you with male issues. 

Hope everyone else is doing well. Ill catch up properly soon


----------



## Trin Trin

Just checking up on you Carter.....hope you're doing okay, I've been thinking of you xx

Congrats Klconfused!


----------



## Carter4

Ahhhh Trin feeling so sh*te, another failed fertilisation. Sort of don't want to bail, because feel safe here, iykwim. Will be moving onto DE, cycling Aug/Sept. It's costing us a small fortune  

Congrats KL.


----------



## Trin Trin

Oh Carter I'm so so sorry😥I can only try to imagine how you're feeling. It's just not fair it really isn't. This journey makes me so cross as its so cruel😡. A friend if mine had her first baby via IVF but for a sibling went on to have 10 IVFS!!! The final one was DE which gave her the child she longed for. I know it wasn't your preferred option but at least it's a viable option for you. The cost again pees me off.....I really feel that we're exploited!! Yes it's a fortune but try not to think about the cost as its the route to fulfilling your dreams.....

Take care my love and do keep us updated with your journey. I'm not on here as often but if you need to offload please do or send me a message as I always check my emails.

Xx


----------



## littlerosie

Hi girls hope I can join in here.. got my period and first scan Saturday so will be on short protocol. Have a precious baby born last autumn. had a FEt since which was a mc at 6.5 weeks. Back for ivf now.
will read back some posts tomorrow and hope to have a couple of cycle buddies x


----------



## KLconfused

Carter - im so so sorry. I hoped this would be your time. And im sorry for wading in with my news. I didn't have a chance to read the rest of the thread first and just saw people had asked after me 

My 2 best friends have used DE, one has a 15 month old daughter and the other is due in 3 weeks. The girl is wonderful and her mum says she feels she couldn't possibly love her anymore. You will have such lovely times ahead as the chances of success are really good with DE and you will have a new baby to carry and then mother. It will be wonderful. 
One friend stayed in the UK and did DE and i think it cost her about £20k. The other one did it in Greece and it was 5000 euro. So a lot of difference. Best of luck


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all!

Carter I am so so sorry my lovely. I am truly devasted for you. I know there is nothing that I can say that will make this any easier for you. Allow yourself this time to be angry, shout, cry and over indulge before you start your new journey down the DE route. I have everything crossed that you will get your BFP next time around!!! I know that you are moving over to another thread soon but please keep us updated to let us know how you get on. 

KLconfused, congrats. 

Hi to everyone else. 

xxx


----------



## Carter4

Thanks ladies xx

Good luck on your journey for a sibling littlerosie.


----------



## Caz174

Oh carter I am so sorry honey   I honestly thought this was the one xx like the others say give yourself some time xx it's such a hard decision but hopefully one that will give you your second miracle xx are you thinking donor eggs or embryos ? 

KLconfused congratulations so happy for you xx  and it worked the old fashioned way well almost ;-) xx

Hi to everyone else xx


----------



## ayah

Hi ladies, sorry that Ive not been keeping up.

Carter, Im so very sorry.  Still hoping that it will work for you really soon.  Please keep us updated.    

KL congratulations!  You must be on a real high now.  Hoping all goes well. When is your 12 week scan?  It not quite felt complete here without our founder!

Caz and Pen hows it going? How far is it now?  Was reading another thread and a lady asked how far another lady was but typoed fat instead of far!  Lol.  Feeling very fat here.  Hope you just blooming.

Afm, Im aneamic and feeling it, so not been doing much. Sleep straight after DS in bed.  

Take care all

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Hey Ladies

How's everybody doing?

I've come out of my dark hole now <phew> hated feeling so flat, it just didn't sit right with me. Thankfully I have a good bounce back mechanism, otherwise I would be screwed! Don't get me wrong I still have waves of anger, but so long as I can still see a way to achieving our dream sibling then I am fine. I am totally at peace with DE now, and DH said we are off to 'find' our LO, and just that simple phrase helped me no end, and again I feel excited for the future. Talk about bl**dy rollercoaster!

Trin - I can't thank you enough for popping on in my hour of need. Your words were and are really appreciated.

littlerosie - Not sure if you have dipped your toes into this thread, and then gone, but I really hope your scan went well on Saturday?

KL - Wish I had had the energy to reassure you at the time, but I was absolutely spent. No offence caused and I am pleased you was able to find essentially an easy option to achieving a BFP.

Penelope - Thanks my lovely. Got to knock this over indulging on the head though. This oppressive heat helps, although a bit cooler today, I thought.

Caz - DE's, but I confess to being a little worried about DH's swimmers. It was the original reason for our referral! My consultant theorises that because we have my DD who was conceived at 37, with DH's sperm, and his samples haven't really changed since then, then he should be able to do the same with a younger women's eggs. Here's hoping!

ayah - Agree with you, we was missing our founder. What's being done about your anaemia?

Who are we missing? That's right caro! Hope you are still floating around, or better still on your hols? I confess to having lost track, oopsie.

xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi all,

Carter so lovely to hear from you and to know that you have bounced back. I think it really helps if you have a plan. 

Ayah, hope you are feeling ok? Have they given you any iron supplements for anaemia? I'm waiting for blood results to check my iron levels as have been feeling out of sorts for last two weeks. 

Hi to everyone else, hope all is ok? 

Xxx


----------



## ayah

Carter, so glad you got your positivity back.  Hope DH swimmers do thier thing ok .  When do you start the DE selection?  Are you looking in UK or over sees?  A lot to look into but exciting too I guess.  

I'm on 200mg iron twice a day.  Hope I can keep it up with the lovely side effects.  Want my own personal loo at work and home!  Work been great.  The unit manager was really worried and had wanted me start mat leave earlier as she worried Id faint whilst driving!  My line manager has  told me not to come in if Im not feeling good.  It been a worry for me as i had lot time off with depression and I do like going to work.  

Pen hope that your HB ok, but then guess if its low you can have treatment and hopfully start to get some energy back.  They told me they treat low HB in pregnacey when 115 or below.  

Caro, had a feeling Id missed a C from the group.  Hope you ok.  

Juat out of interest, when you use DEs or DSs the donor is not registered as the patent  on the birth certificate? But the actual mum or dad are.  But the child can still make contact with the donor later if they wish.  Does the child have to be informed or is it put on the birth certificate that a donor was used?  Just wondered as Ive half seen a couple of programs about but missed how the child knew.  Not sure if parents told them or they found out another way?

You know this IF game so more common than we think.  In last 6 weeks Ive spoken to a pregnant lady in mumma n puppas, to a patient, whos daughter just fallen pregnant with second child and one of our R&D staff, all who have had IF issues.  They are the only people outside my circle of friends or close colleges i have met and spoken to re thier pregnacies and all with IF issues!  Oh then thier was my occy heLth nurse who adopted due to if issues, two of the nursery nurses at DS old nusrery, two ex collegues who left UK in part hoping a calmer way of life would help when starting IF treatment, two colleges who are waiting to start Tx, one college who decided not to adopt with her DH and to enjoy life together, but he very sadly passed away few months ago, then a lesbian collegue how tried unsuccessful iui, my best friends sr has if issues.  To to many but I dont have many friends!  Not sure if Im getting good at stopping people with IF issues from thier comments so end up directing conversation or it just really common.

Take care all

Praying for your bfps

Ayah xxx


----------



## Caz174

Carter so pleased to hear you are bouncing back xx I love your husbands view of it you defo are off to find your LO x I think being able to use DE is amazing and I'm sure dh swimmers will do just fine too  also on a plus side far less nasty drugs for you    Xxx

Ayah oh honey how are you doing ?? Hope your coping with the iron tablets ok I've luckily never had to have them xx how far along are you now ? When are you going to go on maternity leave ? 

In relation to your DE questions I actually donated half of my eggs in this cycle and amazingly not only am I pregnant but my recipient is pregnant too when I actually found out she was pregnant I was almost happier for her as stupid as it sounds xx

My donation is anonymous my recipient is the legal mother and her name will be on the birth certificate x I get told if she is pregnant, when she gives birth and the sex if the child x it's the parents choice if they tell the child about using donor eggs but I think they are encouraged to do so x I had to write a letter to any children conceived from my donation so when they reach 18 if they are aware of the donation and want to contact me they have a right to see the letter, and find out my name and address xx 

To me it was an honour to give another woman the chance of a child and I am so so happy that it seems to be working out for her x to me I have given her an egg she and her husband or partner have made that child  xx

Penelope great to hear from you hope all is going well for you too xx

Hi to everyone else xx


----------



## ayah

Thanks for reply Caz.  I had read that the parents go on the BC but never knew how the children found out donors were used as always seem to catch the programs half way through.  Often thier parents apear uneasy with thier children looking for thier biological parents, so I wondered if the kids had to be told.

Is amazing what you have done Caz and glad for you both to get a bfp.  Simpky could not do it myself mainly for selfish reasons of not feeling i could cope if they got bfp and not me, but also dont feel recieving donor egg or sperm for us either.  Thankfully for those ladies like some of us here there are ladies like you!  

Ive learnt so much from being on FF.  It is fasinating to findout about situations that I might never knowingly come across in my life otherwise,

Take care all.  

Ayah xxx


----------



## caro8500

Well back from 11 days in the sun and looks like I've missed loads!! 

Congratulations KL so pleased for you. Didn't realise you were going down the donor sperm route and its great its happened relatively quickly for you. You must be over the moon....roll on the 12 week scan 

Carter...so sorry you've had to go through another failed fertilisation....what must be the chances.  Really pleased you've bounced back and have a new plan (very exciting). Does it take a while to find an egg donor...I don't really know much about the process. 

Ayah, Penelope and Caz...glad all well with your pregnancies 

Hi to littlerosie

Stopped my pill yesterday so just got to wait for AF now. Then downreg from day 2. Really really ready for it now and our lovely relaxing holiday has done me the world of good although its made me realise just how stressful work is. I'm dreading going back tomorrow. Got to try and minimise the impact of it on this cycle somehow. Don't have enough leave to take whole time off but deffo need some time off. Going to try acupuncture too I think...every little helps!
x


----------



## ayah

Caro glad you had a great holiday.  Roll on next turn.  Praying all goes well and work not to bad. 

Forgot to say Im 29 +2.  

Take care ladies

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Hi All

Penelope - Hope you start to feel more on track soon. When do you get your blood test results?

I joined the DE register back in April, after our bfn, but following our review we were moved to the deferred list, which was activated again this Tuesday gone. My clinic are hopeful that they will have a match for us within four weeks. Back then they had a match to go straight away, grrrrr. I still have to have a couple of AF's anyway. Talking of which the dreaded witch arrived today, which took me off guard, thought it would be mid next week. In a weird way I am secretly pleased, as it just means we are one step closer to achieving our dream. Mind you DH fretting about the financial side, so guess we will see in terms of our starting date, so many factors at play. I would consider tx abroad in a nanosecond but DH adamant we stay here despite the cost.

ayah - Glad you are being looked after well re iron deficiency and thanks for putting some questions out there that Caz has kindly answered. DE definitely not for everyone and I almost certainly would have categorically said no in the past, but it's not even about me anymore, it's about my DD, and for that I have no problem at all with the concept (most of the time)!

Caz - I feel such warmth in your post, and feel quite tearful (in a happy positive way) whenever I read it. I'm sure your recipient is eternally grateful to you.

caro - It was a humdinger of a shock that's for sure, but it doesn't do me good to dwell so onwards and upwards. I am a firm believer in what's meant to be, so feel I was destined for this all along. Makes me sound so airy fairy and I'm not at all! 
You must be chomping at the bit to get going and I hope your AF doesn't keep you waiting too long! Good luck with 'orrible work and hope the acupuncture helps.

Hi to anyone else reading xx

Trin - How's the luxury car hunting going?


----------



## ayah

Carter funny how our LO can change everything.  Would never have throught ttc for second would be such a hard journey. Figured it'd be like  just getting the chery on the cake.  No pressure as have DS. But no they change it all dont they.  Glad you  feel at ease with your decsion.  

Ayah xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hey everyone 

Carter so glad you're feeling better and now looking forward to the next cycle. I really believe that donating is such a remarkable gift and without it I would not have my daughter as we have had to always use a sperm donor. Without it i'd childless so I totally can relate to what Caz said. The child conceived will be yours and your husbands. I understand though the deepness of it as we still haven't decided whether we tell our daughter.....she knows we had treatment to have her but not the complete story, as she knows we need assistance to have a baby.

Anyway, I ordered my land rover Evoque so something materialistic to look forward to. We also brought an adorable kitten not quite a baby but he's cute!! We're looking for a new house too as need to think about Secondary schools... I'm distracted right now from TTC!!

Caro doubt I'll be cycling with you honey but fingers crossed for you. A break always helps with the mind and body.

Glad to hear all the pregnancies are going well.

Take care all xx


----------



## ayah

Trin you sound busy.  IF is so all consumming that real life can pass by at times. Its nice to just live in the here and now with everyday issues of life.  A kitten sounds great.  

I guess that with regard to telling or not telling is a big issue to consider as you need to get the timeing right as regards to thier age as well as the words right if you do decide to tell.  Do they offer you advice, support or councelling?  

Sorry asking so much.  My own descion not to use donor is personal and religious.  But also irrelavant as Ive never been in the situation of needing to consider so I cant ever really know my true feelings as theyve never been tested. I do feel its important to understand other peoples reasoning and I would never judge anyone for donating or recieving.  HOw could I not having to tread that path.  I can imagine though and see that if you dont have the personal or religious issues how it could feel like a clear choose to make, once the acceptance ofnot being able to use your owm S or D is reached.

So I ask to much to ensure i dont live my life with blinkers on to the realality of others.  My view is not clouded by my views on issues.  Hope you dont mind too much.  

Sorry rather deep for a sunday morning!  Avioding getting up and tidying!

Hope you all have a lovely day

Ayah xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Hi all, im glad the founder was missed 

I just read back to my first post on this thread from December. What a lot we have all been through since then. 

Ive finally had chance to catch up -

Ayah - your so nearly there now at 29 weeks. I don't mind any questions at all. I agree though you never know how you feel until your in the situation. I said id never to IVF and I did it 4 times, I said id never do donor sperm and I have. I have no doubt I would have done donor eggs if id needed to. I think the main thing life teaches us as we go along is that our opinions change depending on where we are!

Carter - Glad your working towards your next miracle baby. I too want a sibling for my daughter and that's the main concern. I am an older parent and my sister doesn't have kids and neither does my husbands siblings. I don't want my daughter to be alone when we go. Having said that I don't get on with my sister at all and its no help that I have her but im hoping my 2 children will be closer than me and my sister. Im so pleased you have found peace with your path. I know what you mean about feeling you were always meant to end up here. I wish I hadn't done 2 IVF cycles this year and just gone with donor sperm but hindsight isn't of any use. 

Caz - hope you and bumps are well

trin trin - A Landrover evoque eh. Very flash. And a new house to park it in, even better. I love animals although I have dogs. A kitten is a great idea, animals really are a great compliment to any household. I wouldn't be without my dogs and my daughter loves them. 

Pen - 18 weeks, its racing by. Good luck with the 20 week scan. 

Caro - good luck with your next treatment. As soon as you get that BFP all that went before is forgotten so just keep plugging on 

AFM im 5+2 today and it feels like ive had the longest 10 days of my life since I got my BFP. Ive had a range of symptoms and its been nothing like with my daughter. Maybe that's because im not on drugs this time. Bean feels so precious and im scared to go to the loo incase im bleeding. And I said I would relax if I ever got pregnant again !! Im already stressing about preeclampsia again as I had it last time. Read Take a break last week and a lady died from it. Wish I hadn't read that. 
Anyway were totally over the moon still. My donor has sent me an email saying good luck and good bye and being so lovely about it all, although im still getting emails from a lot of weird men I men on the website too!
Im still getting my head round donor which I know sounds late. Im hoping we have a girl as it will be easier if she doesn't look like husband. But were happy and a boy would be wonderful too. 
Im also still in a bit of shock it all happened the second month of trying. I am going to write a letter of complaint to my clinic after they basically told me to give up with my own eggs. 

Were having a private scan at 7 weeks so around 14th July, that week anyway. I wont book until just before and do it last minute. Maybe it will seem more real then. Although I already feel the size of a house!

Good luck to all of you. what a varied range of experiences we have


----------



## KLconfused

Hi all, everyone's gone very quiet. Hope your all OK. 

Im 6+4 today. Very nervous incase of problems. Hoping to have the 7 week scan for hb check Saturday or next week. too superstitious to book anything before we get to Saturday.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi KL, 

It is very quiet on here at the moment isnt it. I have everything crossed that scan goes well and you scan see a little hearbeat!! I understand you caution about pre-booking something!! I wouldnt put any appointment dates for scans in my diary until the day before in case I jinxed things!! 

I have my 20 week scan on Friday and am petrified!! HUbby doesnt understand as he is so excited but I just want to get it over and done with. The nerves definately dont disappear with baby #2!!

Ayah, Caz, how are you both? Hope you are well?

Trin Trin and Carter hope you are ok? Trin Trin, have you had your new car yet? What have you called your kitten? 

Caro, have you started cycling yet? 

xxxx


----------



## caro8500

Hi all

KL...Can understand your nerves...it will be such a relief to see all is ok. 

Penelope...same for you too. 20 weeks seems to have flown by but probably not for you? I would have had a scan every week given the chance. Think I clocked up 6 scans last pregnancy but would have easily had more if I could. Its just really reassuring. Just can't get my head around people who don't turn up for scans...and it does happen I've seen it first hand. 

Ayah and Caz...Hope you are both feeling ok. Will you have any more scan now Ayah or is that it till little one arrives. Bet you have to have quite a few Caz with twins?

Carter...hope your plans are coming along nicely

Trin...any ideas when you might be cycling again?

I start down reg over a week ago. Got scan tomorrow. So far been feeling petty relaxed about it and strangely still quite chilled from hols...work hasn't even been that bad. Lets hope it continues. Just had a bit of a poorly tummy (un related I think) and really bad hay fever which wasn't helped by playing with DS in a hay barn today!


----------



## ayah

Caro, all best with cycle.  Hooe you can stay clam.  That holiday must have bern wonderful,  hope it is a sign of a successful cycle?

KL thanks.  I can be bir nosey!  Was quizzying a paient whod given up smoking on all sorts to do with why he started, stopped and all in between!  He didnt seem to mind and I learn a lot ftom him.  Hope he did complain to his DW later  

Wow your scan nearly here.  And Pen your 20 week one here too!

AFM.  High risk cos fat and old ( trying for and having a baby is no good for ones self esteem!) ! So 3 weekly scsns since 28 weeks.  Ok so I'll happily be assessed as fat and old if I fet free scans so often!  Had 31 week yesterday.  All good thanjs be to God.  Just 9 weeks left.  Like you say KL so much has happened since last December.  I conceved this one day after ZI JOINED fF so own him to the sight and the lovly ladies I have met.  I would not have done the deed if Id not come hete and felt a little better the next day.  And just so happened to have ovulating pain that resulted in a healthy egg!

Sorry no more personals.  Thinking of you all but must must sleep, or a least try harder too

Take care.  Hope this is our year here

Ayah xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone!!!

Glad to hear pregnancies are all going well. Caz - hope you and two babies are going well.

Klconfused - not long to go for scan. I know what you mean about not booking it in. Knowing the date just made every day drag on. Sadly I didn't make it on my last FET cycle😞 I do sometimes think though sometimes our bodies do not like the medical intervention. My daughter was an IUI baby with a natural cycle. I'm thinking of exploring what you did but I'm scared of and cautious of the websites. You are obviously lucky with your donor, but I'm worried about getting a 'nut job'. Do you mind telling me what site you chose? Or can you send me a personal message?

Just not sure if I'm ready to spend £5k again without exploring perhaps another way.....

Caro glad to hear you're still chilled and all I going well so far. I'm not starting for now I'm not ready emotionally yet. Feel okay but nervous about going through it all, it working then to be taken away from me again.

Penelope my little grey kitten is called Jasper!! He's very hyper at the mo but he's adorable. New car isn't arriving until Sept/Oct - closest I'm getting to a new arrival this year lol

Carter - how are you doing my lovely? Hope you're okay getting ready for the next part of your journey.

Catch up soon ladies xx


----------



## KLconfused

Trin , I thought of you a lot when I was at 6+4. cant imagine how awful it has been for you with the miscarriages. I can totally understand your hesitation to go through it all again. I did write out a long email with lots of details yesterday and then my daughter came along and pressed a button and it all disappeared! Ill try again later!

Pen - good luck today. It really doesn't get easier with #2. I sometimes think the ignorance of #1 made it easier. Ive found that the other difficulty is if I feel peculiar and just want a sit down I cant have one because of my daughter. Ive  had a couple of spots of blood and instantly want to rest for a bit when I see it and panic for the rest of the day whilst I keep rechecking. But daughter has classes to go to and so you have to keep going and that's hard. Wouldn't have it any other way obviously.

Caro - good luck with your cycle. 

Im on different crohns drugs this time round and they have a higher risk of abnormalities so im stressing about that. I had changed my mind about a scan tomorrow and wasn't going to have one but now I think we will. At least I can check if its ectopic and a single baby. Im just so scared. I don't really have any symptoms. It just all feels like a dream at the moment. 

Pen - let us know how you get on today.


----------



## caro8500

Just checking in to see if there was any news from Penelope and KL with your scans. Hope you both got on ok...Been thinking bout you both x

I started stims Monday. Still got bad tummy (always seem to be ill on my cycles) so massively bloated before even starting stims! On menopur this time... oh man what a whole lots of messing about just to inject! Managed to get a hard lump under by skin already. Otherwise feeling pretty good.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning everyone,

Caro, sorry to hear you're a bit unwell with the drugs. Hoping the side effects ease off a bit. I've always used Menopur. It can be a bit of a phaff but you'll be an expert in a few days!! Thanks for thinking of me, the scan went really well and baby is perfect. We've booked a 3d scan for 28 weeks as we did with our db and I can't go 20 weeks without another scan!!

Kl, if you did go ahead with your scan I hope all was ok. If you put it off wishing you luck for any scabs next week.

I hope everyone else is well? 

Xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Caro - hang on in there. At least youve started the cycle now and hopefully this is going to be the last one 

Pen - so glad everything went well. Did you find out if its a boy or girl?

AFM I had the 7 week scan yesterday. Saw a heartbeat and its one baby and not ectopic so all good 
Im very relieved. Got to see the midwife in 2.5 weeks and then wait for the 12 week scan. It still seems so far away. 

Hope your all having a lovely weekend x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Congratulations on the scan Kl!! I bet that's a weight off your mind! Won't be long now until you see the midwife and then you can start counting down to the 12 week scan.

Yes we did find out and we are having another boy. I was so over the moon but peoples reactions have upset me and now I'm regretting finding out. I'm getting alot of people saying 'oh there's a shame you're not having a girl' or 'aren't you disappointed you're not gong to have one of each! 

Xx


----------



## caro8500

Glad to hear both scans went well   

KL...must be so good to see the heartbeat. Very reassuring. Not too long till your next scan either.

Penelope...Exciting to find out you are having a Boy. Don't let those silly people get you down. Why do people assume that everyone wants one of each sex anyway. Can't believe people would actually say its a shame you're not having a girl...how rude! Its fantastic that you are pregnant and boys rock!! x


----------



## ayah

Sorry been awl.  Baby been giving me a big scare wifh reduced movements wednesday night, then thursday he only moved if i gave him a big push and prode.  So went to triarge friday moring.  CTC was fine but they did scan for cord blood flow and fluids which fine too.  Id had a bream Thursday that he'd died so was really shaken up so despite all looking ok felt uneasy.  Well at 2.30 thismorning he went back to normal.  So relieved but wonder why he went so quiet?

Any way great scan news KL and pen.  Im having another boy too.  Have had the odd uneducated comment by those who dont know how long it took but most people have been great.  Guess they like me just happy i'm pregnant again.  Just ignore them Pen!  One of our pregnant ladies is having her third girl and had loads of comments due to people assuming they only wanted a third to have a boy!  They are all thrilled to be having a girl.  Mind DS was unhappy to be having a brother at first and keeps asking about having a sister!  Oh no!  No more TTC here.

Caro the menapire is a faff.  Hated doing it and Im used to drawing up drugs.  Just last thing i wanted to do first thing is draw 6 vials.  Still gotta be done.  Hope it works for you!

Trin good to hear from you.  How you getting on?

Cater hope you ok, where are you at now?

Goodnight ladies

Ayah xxx


----------



## Mrs_F

Hi ladies,
I am lucky enough to have one ICSI miracle (currently happily away in the land of nod upstairs) who was born in 2012. We are currently just gearing up for another cycle with the dream of possibly having a sibling. Is this the right thread for support for trying again? We will be cycling in October and have to have ICSI due to DHs sperm being frozen prior to chemotherapy. 
X


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## Penelope Pitstop

Afternoon all,

Firstly, welcome Mrs F. You are in the right place for support for ttc again for #2. Wishing you luck. 

Ayah, sorry to hear you have had a stressful few days. Its awful when you have reduced movements isnt it? I also had a few nasty dreams, first time around, in one of them I dreamt I gave birth and there was nothing there! Fingers crossed your little man doesnt scare you again!! 
p.s. congratulations on having another boy!! My DS doesnt understand whats going on yet so no requests for a sister. 

Caro, hope you are feeling well and boys def do rock!! 

xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Pen - some people are such idiots. Both boys and girls are fab so it doesn't matter. Im secretly hoping for a girl but I have a girl already. I hadn't even thought people would think I wanted one of each. Whichever way it goes ill be delighted. But if I do have a little boy this time he will have to wear a lot of pink 

Ayah - I remember weird dreams the first time round. I haven't got that far yet this time. Glad everything is OK. 

Caro - hope the side effects are easing.


----------



## ayah

Mrs F welcome.  So pleased for you having LO after first icso.  Hope that you are as successful trying for a sibling!  They may even share a birthday?!

Pen and KL, thanks.  Weird dreams R US at moment.  Non has beaten an early one where my dad came up to Brum to tell me Prince charles had died, but it karma as he'd killed a woman whilst driving!  Glad it didnt come true either.  Death in dreams can mean new beginings, so hope its that!

Hows everyone else?  Trin, Cater, Caro.  Hope you all ok.  Hows the manapure going Caro?

Oh ,y DS whilst in the bath asked me what his bits where for!    Absent mindedky said to help you have a bsby, so he thought hed have a baby growing in there when he's older!  Managed to give him a satisfactary answer, but dont think he'll last till he's 10 before I have to explain it, like i did.  

Take care

Ayah xxx


----------



## Mrs_F

Thanks for the welcome ladies. 

I had totally forgotten about the possible baby even sharing a birthday! There's every chance they may as our cycle dates are exactly the same. I am currently on the  pill, due to start down reg in September and stims in October. (I think). I am meant to be taking metformin, but I had a terrible rough week with it last week so I am having a little break while my tummy calms down. 

Is anyone else currently cycling, or about to start ? 

Xx


----------



## caro8500

Hi all

Well had scan on Thursday after 7 days of stimms and things much the same as they were last cycle. Small amount of follies and still pretty small in size (except for 1 quick grower which I'm going to lose  ) Got to carry on stimms and back Monday to see if they have grown! Bit gutted as had really hoped different stimms meds and increased dose would mean more eggs this time. Kind of feels like I've fallen at the first hurdle and lost a lot of my positivity. Been googling success stories with low number of eggs just to make myself feel better! 

Ayah....dreams can feel so real sometimes. Like the idea that death symbolises new beginnings though...never thought about it in that way. Menopur still a bit tricky but getting the hang of it now thanks

Hi to Mrs F. Exciting to be trying again. Can see icsi worked first time for you. Did you respond well to the treatment?  Good luck for your cycle.

Hope everyone else is doing ok??

xx


----------



## WalkTalkDo

Hello ladies, I'm in the same position as mrs f and have been lurking on this page for a few weeks. I was lucky enough to have my daughter last year on our third attempt at icsi/imsi and have just had an appt at the Lister again to prepare for another cycle. Their scan showed a possible hydrosalpinx so I had to have another HSG which showed everything was fine so now I'm raring to go! Originally I was going to start the pill with my AF at the end of this month but DH & me have decided to postpone for one month as hectic August coming up. 
It's fab to see success stories when trying for a sibling. I'm dreading the whole process again but I so want the outcome. 
xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Caro - sorry your feeling down. A friend of mine had 2 eggs and 2 embryos. One is her little boy and the other is in the freezer. It only takes one egg as they say. I have had 22 eggs with 2 goes at ICSI and only 1 baby from all of them. Might aswell of just had that 1 egg for all the good the others did. Hang on in there. I found when a cycle started badly it turned out better than ones that started well 

AFM - im starting to have the weird dreams!!  And I plan to tell me parents tomorrow but I don't really want to. Not sure why. Think I want the 12 week scan first. I told my NCT friends last week and they were great and made me feel really positive and like I wanted to tell everyone - that lasted until I got home!

Welcome to the new joiners as well. Good luck!


----------



## caro8500

Thanks KL really appreciate the positive words. Guess just want it to follow similar pattern to my first cycle that worked instead of the last one that didn't. Been busy today and trying to keep my mind occupied with other things. Will be very nervous for scan on Monday though.
Good luck with telling the parents tomorrow. It's so hard to know who to tell when. Its that mixture of wanting to shout it from the rooftops because its the best new ever but at the same time scared for everyone to know.


----------



## ayah

Hello WTD.  Hope all goes well in your tx.  So hard to face it all again, but we just have to try, right?

Caro, sorry that menopur still not doing the trick, but like KL says its about the one(s) they put back.can still work.  Will they do icsi or ivf? Praying all goes well in the end.

Caro read that the meaning of death in dreams can mean new beginings when I was 20.  Id had a recurrent dream that I died for a few years.  Converted at 20 and they stopped . Then i read the meaning.  Guess it makes sence, the end of an old way and start of a new way.  Not nice dreams but good interprtation!

  KL all best with telling your mum.  Can feel like when family know its offical, but still the fear of the 12ws.  Like we cant believe its real till the 12WS.  

Take care all

Ayah xxx


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## KLconfused

Caro - how did it go Monday? Hope everythings OK.

How is everyone else?

Im 8+3 today. This is going so slow! A friend told me yesterday she just had a miscarriage at nearly 9 weeks. It has got me in a paddy. Had a bad stomach all day which I think is nerves. Told my parents about #2. they were excited I think. I feel really peculiar telling people though.


----------



## Carter4

Hi Ladies

I'm back!!! Didn't plan on going awol, but as a bit of time passed, I decided to purposely steer clear of all things fertility related. Feel guilty for not being there at individual milestones, but I'm guessing if ever there was a group of women that understand why, then it's you lot! Sometimes I'm too honest for my own good, and feel a fraudster keep posting here, knowing that we are moving onto DE, but yet I continue to gravitate back here.

How are our pregnant mamma's, ayah, Caz, Penelope and KL?

Oooooodles and oooooodles of luck to you caro, hang tough lady and you never know you may just get your dream sibling, regardless of similarities to your rubbish cycle!

Trin must say your land rover, adorable kitten and new home on the horizon, all sound like a wonderful distraction to me!

Hi to our newbies WalkTalkDo and Mrs_F  

Not much news my end, not so patiently waiting for a DE match. Spoke with my clinic this Thursday gone and in a nutshell there was a potential match, but had been offered to two other ladies ahead of me on the register. If either refused for whatever reason then I would get a call, no call, so the wait continues. Another potential match, but an obvious difference in height. Feels awful saying no, on such an insignificant technicality, especially since I am tall, but so far my DD has taken after the rest of my family small/average. I assume my instinct is telling me to decline for a reason. These things have a way of working out. I've only had one AF anyway, and usually my clinic recommend three before recommencing tx, although they let me go on x2 AF's! Ho hum, this hanging about is making me waffle. All other donors are apparently at the beginning of the screening process, so may be a couple of months yet.

Speak soon xx


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## caro8500

Thanks KL. Got 4/5 follies at the right size. Egg collection tomorrow....will just have to see what it brings. Very late trigger shot last night and didn't sleep much the night before so super tired. Got to be there at 7.30am as well. At least the drugs will knock me out for a bit!!

Glad things went ok with the parents. Awful for your friend. Guess the worrying never really ends until you get that little one in your arms. Hope you can find some way of relaxing a bit.

xx


----------



## caro8500

Ooohh...just seen your post Carter. Good to hear from you. Sounds like you've made great progress considering such a short time although appreciate how frustrating it is when you just want to get on with it. Seems like its a quicker process that I'd have thought. I've been thinking about DE a bit more lately. Got to see how this cycle goes but starting to look like maybe my eggs really aren't that great. Not sure if its something we could afford or even something that DH would go for but definitely worth consideration. 

Don't feel bad for not being around. We all need a break from all this fertility stuff or we'd go totally crazy. Think we all know that we support each other whether we're on FF at the time or not. We all such at different stages now as well. Just good to hear how our journeys are going

xx


----------



## ayah

Caro, all best for tomorrow.  On my last cycle they hot more than expected so maybe you might too?  Not sure how that worked out but they expected 5 and got 7.  Hope thhay all gooduns.

Cater lovely to hear from you.  It is hard to move on from threads where youve met such lovely people and so much want to wish them well.  Sure when you find the right ED youll just know.  Instinct is a great thing.

KL sorry to hear about your friend.  Such situatiobs are always hard but when you are so close, it much he that little extra .  Keep drinking loads in this heat.  I was also told to eat everu 3 to 4 hours and dont go longer than 12 over night.  Hard in this heat, but its ment to help reduce risk of mc.

Take care all

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Have a lovely snooze tomorrow caro, and fx for some juicy follies.
Hopefully DE will stay just a thought, but in case it does ever become relevant for you, all I can say is that my DH was dead set against, but as you can see he has come around.

Thanks for the reassuring words ayah


----------



## caro8500

Well the good news is that I got 6 eggs today! Was feeling really positive until the bad news....found out today that its very possible that I might not have a job come January. Totally shocked and it couldn't have come at a worse time. Its just all too much to think about at the moment.


----------



## Carter4

Whahooo to your six eggs caro, hope they get plenty jiggy tonight, but big big boo to your job situation hun, hopefully your worst fears don't come true. Fx for good fertilisation news tomorrow xx


----------



## caro8500

Thanks Carter...very surprised to get a call saying 5 of the 6 have fertilised   . Got to just concentrate on this now and try not to worry about no job and no money!! x


----------



## KLconfused

Caro - that's such great news. With 5 embryos you should definitely get 2 to go back and even some to freeze. Im so pleased for you. Thoughts are with you over the next day or so - I felt sick waiting for the call all the time. Are you doing a 3dt or 5dt? 

Carter - you should definitely not feel bad coming back to this thread or for taking a break. Your still trying for #2 and were all doing it differently so we definitely want to hear how your doing and all about your BFP when you get it. 

Hi to everyone else.


----------



## Carter4

Great news caro, whoop whoop I'm so pleased for you. Will you be having two transferred? Good luck over the next few days x

Thanks KL, means a lot, just hope me and Trin can bring our bfps home too. caro yours will already be in the bag! x

Bit of an update re DE, but iPad not got enough juice, so will try and post tomorrow.


----------



## caro8500

Thanks KL and Carter. Booked in for day 3 transfer tomorrow but they will check them in the morning to see whether they will grow them on to day 5 (they don't look at them at all today for some reason!?) Had day 3 transfers with my other 2 cycles and both times 2 eggs put back. If they go to blast think they'll only put 1 back but not sure.

Look forward to hearing your DE news Carter 

xx


----------



## Carter4

Hi caro - Thinking of you and wondering whether transfer went ahead today? If not tonnes of luck for your blasto on Monday.

Not much to report really, a couple of potential donors, but both right at the infancy stage of screening process. One is my height, has proven fertility, but is now doing  shared ivf for whatever reason. Second is young, not my height, not proven, but altruistic. Can see that it is going to be a lot harder than I first thought.


----------



## caro8500

Phone call this morning to say 3 of the embryos are doing really well so opted for 5 day transfer. Really scared and just hoping I've made the right decision. Never had this option before as they've never been good enough. Next decision will be to put 1 or 2 back. My DH is adamant he does not want to risk twins. Guess we'll just have to see what the quality is like on Monday. The agonising wait continues!!

So Carter do they try and find a similar match but ultimately is the choice yours?  That must be a tough call. How much information do you get about them...eg you said the first has proven fertility but is now doing shared IVF but do you get to find out why?

Everyone else a bit quiet. Hope you're all coping with this heat 

xx


----------



## KLconfused

Caro - that's great news that they are doing so well. Its such a funny thing IVF isn't it - one minute were worried about never getting a baby then were worried about too many! I guess you have to be guided by the clinic on Monday. If they are all 3 doing great you could use 1 and freeze the others then if the 1 doesn't work you can have both put in next time and that also means you have some reassurance going through the defrosting as I found it very scary doing FET with just 1 embryo incase it didn't survive the defrost. This way you would have 2. 

I told you the best cycles are the ones that start badly  I have a good feeling about this one   

Carter - I have 2 friends with donor egg children. One waited and got a good match. They have ginger hair and she said it didn't take long as no one wanted the ginger donor eggs! That babies only a week old.  The other had her treatment in Greece and chose the donor on the day of transfer just based on availability and there was no correlation to anything physically of hers. They did use her husbands sperm. The child is 16 months and she doesn't look anything like her mum. Her mum is big and the child is very lithe and skinny. I don't think her mum is bothered except no one ever says anything about the baby looking like the mum. Someone the other day commented they both had curly hair and the mum was so chuffed because it was the first time anyone had seen a similarity between her and her daughter. But like I said my friend wasn't bothered who the donor was. She had a horrid long IVF journey and she decided a baby was a baby no matter what height, weight etc and she knew she would only have 1 baby. Its a big decision I know but also you want to crack on. I wish you all the luck in the world.


----------



## Carter4

How brave of you caro, hope you have managed some distraction today. Maybe the decision will be made for you when it comes to ET. Loads of luck for tomorrow.

Yes a similar match is sought, but only on the basics eg height, skin tone, eye colour, build, blood group. May have been a couple more, but can't remember now. It is entirely up to you how specific/strict you are with requirements. If you show interest in a donor, a little more information is provided at the next stage. Didn't get to find out why, as coordinator said it could be for any number of reasons, usual suspects eg male factor, blocked tubes etc etc

Yes where is everyone else

KL interesting to hear about the two different DE babies and mummy's. Deep down I don't think I care if our future LO looks like me or not, but unfortunately I am more bothered from the point of view of others, grrrr! I don't want anyone to suspect their true origin, but I am also aware it is my own sensitivities at play too. My DD is my double these days, so not sure if that makes it worse or better!
How is your pregnancy going?


----------



## KLconfused

Caro - good luck today. Fingers crossed. 

Carter - As we have a sperm donor we've had the same concerns over whether the baby will look like my husband. I'm sure it helps if you have the opposite sex baby than the donor - ie for me if I have a girl it wont look like my husband much anyway. 
My friend with the 16 month old DE daughter hasn't told many people she is DE. Even though they don't look anything alike I don't think even her close friends from the NCT groups have guessed. For most people who haven't had any fertility issues they don't even know DE exists so they wouldn't even think of it. Im sure no one will realise with your 2nd baby unless you tell them. We haven't told our parents that this child is DS and it will be interesting to see if any of them say anything. 

AFM 9+2 today. Got the midwifes booking in appointment Wednesday. Im dreading it. All those questions about genetics and family history and im just going to have to say don't know for the mans stuff. No matter how much you try to just get on with things there are still hard moments. But then ill be happy if I get to Wednesday and have a chance to answer the questions.


----------



## ayah

Caro hope all has gone well today.  Hi everyone else.  Eid today and been AWOL so just popping on to say hj.

Ayah xxx


----------



## caro8500

Hi. Quick update. Unfortunately things not gone as well as we'd have hoped. Had 2 morula embryos that hadn't quite reached the blast stage. So had both put back. Non to freeze  Both were 8 cell at day 3 and previous cycle that worked was with a 7 and 6 cell but impossible to compare really cause they were day 3 transfers and don't know what they looked like at day 5. Hopefully these are just slow growers? Feeling pretty deflated though.

Oh and just something funny that happened yesterday. We were sat at the table having tea when DS pointed at the spare chair and said whose it that chair? DH (who I'm rather cross with for bringing up the subject!!) said maybe its for a brother or a sister...he then went on to say would you like a brother or a sister to which DS replied 'I'd like a Hamster'!!! If only it were that simple for me and I could be happy with a Hamster !!


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi, just came on to see how everyone was as it seemed to have gone quiet and then realised I've dropped off the notify list for the thread so I've missed the last few posts!! 

Caro, great news on getting to day 5 transfer. I have everything crossed that you get your bfp. I had to chuckle about what your DS said!!! 

Carter, good luck with the search for your donor.

Kl, how are you? Make long to your 12 week scan?

Ayah, not long to go! Hope you are well. 

Hi to everyone else. Xxx


----------



## Carter4

caro just keep believing, it's all you can do. The fact that both your little fighters are still going is fantastic in my eyes, they might get just the surge they need now they are back home with you. Here's hoping you get a wonderful result at the end, when is your otd?

KL I agree re opposite sex to donor. Truth be known I would love another DD, but because of the DE element I now wish for a DS, because it will feel/be easier with regards to LO looking like DH. Well that's my gut feeling anyway. If I get to a viable pregnancy again, I will walk in very similar shoes to you, as we will be telling no one, not even parents. You'll cope with Wednesday KL, and once LO is here, all your trials and tribulations will fade away.

ayah - Hope you have enjoyed the EID celebrations?

Thanks Penelope, can't believe you are already 22 weeks, hope your pregnancy is going without any hitches? 

Hi to Caz, Trin and any newbies that may still be floating about.

Nowt to report this end, just suddenly thought I wonder when my AF will turn up. If we were using OE's again we would be gearing up to start DR 21 days later. Hope my clinic come good soon. I am okay if I don't think about if too much, second I start to dwell, I get frustrated at having even less control than before, arrrggghhhh!


----------



## ayah

Hi ladies,

Caro hoping that those little beans are sticky and just  chilldd little things that taking thier tim.  When is otd?  Praying that chair gets filled soon and nit with a hamster!

Pen, wow over half way!  Have you found out gender?  Hope you not to bad in the heat.

AFM, rather emitional and tired.  My grandparents are very ill.  A great aunt died couple days ago.  My dad is doing a 320mile round trip to take me down south so I can see grandparents and will do same to bring me back next week.  

Takecare everyone.  Sorry too tired to read back.. I will try catch up when I get back

Ayah xxx


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## caro8500

Thanks for all your encouragement...otd is Wednesday. Struggling with all this waiting and wondering. Had various 'symptoms' but impossible to read anything in to them. Just want Wednesday to come (but at the same time don't!!)

Sorry to hear about your Grandparents Ayah. Sounds a long way to travel too. Just taken my Grannie out for lunch as she is finding it difficult to get out much now...but then she is 90 this year. We try and make the most of the time we have got...she has a great relationship with my DS. 

Hi to everyone else

x


----------



## KLconfused

Caro - good luck Wednesday. Your 2ww seems very quick but I suppose with a 5DT you don't have to wait the full 14 days?
Also its good you have symptoms but if they aren't the same as with your first child don't worry - I haven't had a single thing the same as the first time round. 

Ayah - sorry to hear about your grandparents. Look after yourself as much as you can whilst your travelling. 

AFM - 10 weeks today. Had the midwife appointment last Wednesday. I was embarrassed about using a sperm donor. She assumed it was through a clinic and I didn't put her right. Ive got myself nervous about the blood tests now. I had to have more done than last time as the donor is unknown for some of the heritage questions. I know he has been tested for stuff but im still scared. Its been a very hard week as a good friend was buried on Thursday. He died from prostate cancer and was only 52. He was so positive and handled his disease and treatment in such an inspirational way but he didn't want to go. I feel so sad. I went with his wife to a dog show Friday as that's what he wanted. Its been such an emotional week and I really miss him 

Is it just me or when you have kids and get a bit older do you see horror stories everywhere of kids getting ill and adults dying young?

Sorry to be morose. Im happy honestly with my bun in the oven. Waiting for the 12 week scan date. Might have a private one before then if I feel I cant wait for the appointment. I still have no symptoms really except that im huge already. I read in the paper recently morning sickness means your more likely to have a healthy intelligent baby - I have none! 

Hi to everyone else and I hope all is going well.


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## Penelope Pitstop

Hi to everyone,

Caro, hoping you are hanging in there and wishing you all the best for OTD on Wednesday, please let us know how you get on. 

KL, sending you big hugs, sounds like you with the midwife appointment and your close friend passing away you have had a tough week. 

Ayah, hope your grandparents are ok? 

Hi to everyone else, hope all is ok?


----------



## Carter4

We've been matched ladies, back tomorrow to read and comment xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Carter - woohoo, cant wait for the details 
so exciting.


----------



## Carter4

Hi Ladies

ayah - Sorry to hear that your grandparents are ill. Look after yourself at this difficult time.

caro - Heaps of luck for your otd. You've been quiet during your less than 2ww. Hope you have had plenty of relaxing and fun distractions. Praying that you get your bfp.

KL - Sorry to hear about your good friend's passing. It seems as if you are being a great support to his wife. I wouldn't have set the nosey mw straight either, although it is a shame you have to feel awkward. Soon enough the intrusiveness will stop, and then you can get on with raising your little family. I had a scan at 11w5d with my DD. We had the in laws visiting just before the 12w scan, and I couldn't bear telling them without knowing all was well. Do what you need to do!

Penelope, Trin and Caz, hope you ladies are all okay?

AFM - Well as posted last night, we have a match       . Happy with all aspects, so just waiting for clinic to tell us the next steps!!!


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Wow thats great news Carter!! So exciting!! Keep us posted on the next steps!!! 

Thinking if you Caro. 

xxxxx


----------



## caro8500

Hey guys. well I'm afraid its deja vu for me again. Started bleeding this morning and did a test which was negative just like last time. Totally totally devastated. Losing all faith that it will happen for us. Just don't know what to do with myself. Bracing myself for all the 'you should be grateful you've got one' speech from all well meaning family and friends. Just don't want to hear it.

Sorry for the negativity

x


----------



## Carter4

Ahhhh caro so sorry my lovely. It is truly ****e. Just lick your wounds and even avoid well meaning friends and family. I really dislike that be grateful speech etc etc, makes my blood boil. When less emotional you will be able to gather your thoughts, and decide on your plan of attack. Big hugs xxx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Oh Caro, I'm so so sorry. It's all so unfair. Look after yourself and take some time out with OH and LO. Those 'be grateful' comments are so annoying and frustrating, as if we aren't truly thankful for every second we have with our children?!?!? People don't realise that just because we have If issues it doesn't stop the desire for siblings?!?!

Xxx


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## Trin Trin

Morning ladies

Haven't posted in a while ......sorry!!

Caro I'm so sorry to hear your news. Really hoped this would be your time for some fairness. Treatment makes me so cross with how unpredictable it can be, which makes me so scared to try again. Yes we love the ones we have and our fortunate however we have a right to want another like any other family. Unless your in this situation others will never understand. Take the time you need to grieve and look after yourself.

Carter great news being matched!!! I'm really pleased and excited for you. Look forward to hearing what comes next etc

Klconfused hope all is going well and sorry to hear about your recent loss. Thank you again for the info you sent me. Good luck for the 12 week scan

AFM I've been keeping busy with the planning for moving soon, going Turkey next Friday too and looking forward to another holiday DH said we have the money saved for next attempt but I can't lie I'm scared of going through it again. I know all of you here have been blessed with it once, some of you twice but it frustrates me that its not a done deal. I'm just not ready for the process yet. I've explored or exploring home inseminations with either Cyros or something similar to what Klconfused did with SUCCESS!! I sometimes feel that perhaps my body doesn't agree with all the drugs etc.....what do I know anyway??

Anyway Caz, Pen, Aya hoping all is going well with your blessed pregnancies xx


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## KLconfused

Caro - im so sorry, really hoped it would work for you this time. I find the 'enjoy the one' brigade always have more than 1! I did say that to my mother in law once as I was so wound up when she said just enjoy Isobel, and I said so I suppose you enjoyed having 1 child so much that was why you had 4!! Went down well as you can imagine but it made the point. I don't know why people give advice when they have absolutely no idea what they are talking about. Deep breathe, count to 10 and get yourself a plan for your next steps. I think that's all any of us can do. 

Trin - moving sounds exciting , are you having a house warming party  How is the kitten? Will you need all new curtains as your current ones are scratched 
Good luck with whatever you decide to do next. I know I couldn't do another IVF cycle, just didn't have it in me. But then I couldn't give up either. Its a hard place to be.  

Carter - im keen to hear what's next too. success rates with donor eggs are very high, so exciting. 

AFM - still no symptoms really except headaches. Must have been the IVF drugs giving me all the symptoms I had last time or maybe this time its a boy and the old wives tales of them giving less pregnancy symptoms is true. We have our 12 week scan at 12+6 and its on Friday 22nd August so just 2 weeks and 2 days. Ive also got an appointment with the consultant at 14 weeks because of all my issues. I hate being classed as high risk but at least I get more scans I suppose. I want the scan date to be here now but also I don't just incase. 

Have a good day everyone, as much as you can and   to Caro.


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## ayah

Caro, Im so sorry.  IF tx is so exhusting on so many levels.  Those just be greatful comments are like adding salt to the wound.  Think its more about them feeling better. Like you are not grateful or hadnt considered it!  Trying getting it in first and see what they can say then.  "We're so grateful for DD but feel like we are lettibg her down with yet another bfn..."  yhey clearly dont consider that its more than having another child for the sake of it.    I had a lot of your selfish for not having more as well!  Hell like they had any idea what we've been through but assumed ...   .    sweet.

Trin I can appricate where you are coming from. There are just no certainties.  Each couples story is differdnt to anothers and we cant see where ours will end.  Its like some kind of emtional tourture.  If we know it will take X years or X tx, then so be it.  But its not like that.  We just dont know.  I am soso blessed to have had the decsion taken from me wheather to have more tx insuch a positive way.  As Ive had a much harder time with this pregnacey I get, "just tink of the end result"  makes my blood boil, like A Im moaning, B Im not grateful C Im not thinking of the hopful end result D I would suffer 10 times more for a positive out come. E Im deliberatly showing my symptoms.

Why do people who dont have IF issues think they can second guess how we feel and then tell us we are wrong and should feel XY or Z?  Before we had DS it was "well at least you have your health!"

Oh  better stop before I pop with anger!

Trin enjoy the holiday.  Sounds lovely and a new home too.  Hopefully a new home and new beginings.  As if it where so easy!  But truely hope for all of you still trying.

KL sorry to hear about your friend.  I worked a lot in prostate cancer trials and had to say good buy to a several of young inspirational men, in thier late 40s, 50s 60s.  I often remember them.  So lovely for you and his wife to complete his wishes as hard as it must have been.  All best for your scan.  2 weeks can feel a life time at times!  Praying all is well.  As for seeing sad stories everywhere, think its part of being a parent.  Its not like before we didnt feel the saddness or tragagy of these events but they take on a personal eliment once it could be you.  Guess it one of the harder aspects of parenthood.  Add in extra hormones and they seem even harder to cope with.  

Carter, wow things will move fast now!  How do you feel about it all?

Pen glad its ticking on ok for you too.

How am I missing?  Sorry but no brain in this heat!

Thank you all fir your regards for my grandpardnts.  They not good.  It sad to see them like this, just hope they can hang on to see thier 3rd great grandchild.  Take care all

Ayah xxx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Good morning everyone,

Trin Trin lovely to hear from you. Great that you have a holiday to look forward to and then a move to plan. I can totally understand your hesitation in cycling again. We put so much into each cycle it is physcially, emotionally and financially draining. 

Ayah, I am sorry that your grandparents are not good. It is sad to see people close to us ill. You havent got long to go until #2 arrives and hopefully they will get to meet them. I too get so angry with people who dont have IF issues second guessing how we feel or trying to give advice!! Only yesterday I had a colleague tell me how lucky I am to have my DS and another one on the way and that I should be grateful for what I have. I dont need to be told that by anyone, let alone someone who hasnt got the first idea of what my situation is!! It took all my willpower not to say something to them!!! 

KL, only 2 weeks to go to scan now!! try not to worry about the lack of symptoms (easier said than done I know as I was exactly the same!!) 

Caro, hope you are looking after yourself lovely. 

Hi to anyone Ive missed. 

xxxxx


----------



## ayah

Pen thank you.  Before my Nan was admitted I did a far well tour of thier home.  Its councell so probably my last chance especially as they may go into a home. So many memories there. My grandads birthday is 1st Jan, so every New years eve they'd have a big party and at midnight the whole street would come out.  So sad seeing those who love you and have done so much for you over the years become so dependent and lost.  Im so blessed to have known them and to still have them at 37. But finding the prospect of  letting go and saying goodby for good really hard.  

And as for those comments, supprised Ive not worn my teeth down either !  Mind it does appear that when it comes to child bearing and rearing people feel they can comment when they wouldnt about other medical conditions or life chooces.  

TC 

Ayah xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Hi all, 

Im sorry to say I have some sad news. I started bleeding yesterday and I went to hospital where they confirmed there is no heartbeat and my little one is gone. Im now waiting for the miscarriage to happen naturally. My husband and I are beyond devastated. Its just so awful. I can feel the panic rising in me already about will I ever get pregnant again, is that my last egg, have I got something else wrong with me, by time I can try again ill be nearly 41... aagggghhh its endless. Seems I have a cyst on my ovary too. Ive never had them before and so another thing that's started in the last 3 months. My husband thinks I should have a D&C to get the miscarriage over with but I cant let little one go. I know there isn't really a LO there anymore but even so I still feel pregnant and I don't want that to stop. I had just started to relax and buy some nice maternity clothes. I hadn't felt good for a few days, couldn't really explain it just not right but I thought that was maybe normal pregnancy. 

So sorry to add sad news to the thread.


----------



## Carter4

Oh KL I am heartbroken for you. I just wasn't expecting that update. I wouldn't want to let LO go either, so fully understand why you are reluctant to have a D&C. I don't think there is a 'right' way, other than picking the least painful (psychologically too) that works for you. Sending you gentle hugs and strength to get through this impossible time xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Klconfused I'm so so sorry.....taken me a while to say something because I know exactly what you're going through and no words can really make you feel any better or provide you with comfort. I've had 2 miscarriages now one at 11 weeks and the other just over 6. They both hurt just as much.....I'm just sorry but I know you'll find your inner strength to get through this devastating time....truly lost for words as this pregnancy I really thought was the one..

Take care my love and I'm thinking of you and hubby during this sad time xx


----------



## caro8500

KL...so shocked and totally gutted for you. Could scream with the unjustness of it all. Totally get 'the panic' as well, feeling it too at the moment. Huge hugs xxxx


----------



## ayah

Oh KL Im so very sorry.  Cant really take it in.  Can totally apprciate why you dont want a  D&C, I'd not want to let go either.  Takecare my sweet.  

Ayah xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

KL so sooty it's taken me so long to reply, I did write a response when I read your post yesterday but it went missing! I was totally devastated to read your sad news and as the others have said I really wasn't expecting to read that when I saw you had posted. Life is just so cruel times. I know nothing any of us say will ease your pain but please know that we are all here for you if you want support or just have a rant.

Xxx


----------



## Carter4

Hi All

KL - Thinking of you at this difficult time, and hope you are bearing up okay? x

Trin - Have lots of fun in Turkey, and totally agree about our bodies rebelling against all the meds/procedures involved in ivf. I swear that is why I got on better with a fet (the only two times I have ever had a bfp) x

ayah - I won't lie I have the odd collywobble about DE, but it is usually fleeting, and I really do believe that once LO is here in my arms, any minor doubts will evaporate. Not long to go for you now. Are you as prepared as you can be? x

Hi to Penelope, and caro, how are you both? xx

Caz if you're out there give us a holler x

AFM - AF finally showed after 40 days! Cycle should kick off September some time with transfer towards the end of October, eeek. May well be our last go, twofold really, funds, and not wanting to be an older mummy!


----------



## ayah

All best Carter.  

KL thinking of you.  

Asf. No were near prepaired, but still got timr.

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Well here we go again, DR starts before the month is out, but will also last longer to sync me in with donor's tx cycle, so transfer not until October sometime. Wish me luck guys, as not sure we will try anymore after this one. The door has to be closed at some point, and I can tell DH and I are getting close to this point. Sounds somber and scary, but it's also quite liberating. Just hope we can go out on a good note, hmmm, we shall see.........xxx


----------



## ayah

So hope that it goes well for you Carter.  All the best.  Its such a hard disscion to make but hopfully this will be the last tx for the perfect reason.

Ayah xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Wishing you all the luck in the world Carter. 

Keep us posted on what's going on

Xx


----------



## caro8500

Carter....Excited things are moving forward. So hope this is your time. Hard to know where to draw the line with treatment. We said our next cycle would be our last but my fantastic family have said they would fund another after that if necessary so feel I've got 2 more chances. 

Waiting for our follow up but hoping to cycle again in a couple of months. Will be interesting to see if they suggest any changes. 

Hi to everyone else. 

xx to KL


----------



## Carter4

Thanks guys xx

Good to know you have two more goes in you caro. Hopefully the kind offer from your family will turn out to be null and void anyway. When is your review booked for? Will you be pushing for any changes too?


----------



## ayah

Cant sleep and thinking of my FF's.  KL how are you bearing up?      .  Hope you getting support from DH.  

Take care everyone.  My orayers and thoughts are with you at all the stages you are at.  So want your dreams to come true soon.

Ayah xxx


----------



## ayah

Ladies Ive been giving it some thought and I know KL is going through a very sad and difficult time and many of you are still going through hard IF tx times.  I dont want to make any annocments that rub salt in to wounds or come at the worst time for anyone.  Simerally I dont want to affend anyone by assuming youd think or feel something bad.  I hope you get what I mean?  Its hard as Ive been there but we all cope differently and timing can be everything.  

Would it be OK if I just update my signiture and leave you to PM me if  you want to?  Its still another 3ish  weeks,

Im Really sorry if this affends anyone or you find it patronising.  Im just not sure how to go?  I just know that Ive dreaded hearing from people when Ive known an imminant annoucement will be made and avioded them like the plaegue.

Take care all

Ayah xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning ayah, think that's very thoughtful and sensitive of you. Will look out for your signature update.
Xxx


----------



## caro8500

Ayah....Clearly you have given this some thought which is really lovely of you. I'm in an okish place at the moment (after the initial heartache), and think the fact you have been through it and understand it makes a massive difference to how I feel,compared to being someone who hadn't if that makes sense, but agree timing is everything and we are all in different places. I will also be keeping an eye out. Hope all goes well. Take care xx


----------



## KLconfused

Carter - so glad your matched. October seems ages but it will fly by im sure and chances of success with DE are so good I hope this is your last try for all the right reasons. 

Caro - good luck in a couple of months when you try again. 

AFM, im OK. Physically bleeding has more or less stopped. Pregnancy test still shows pregnant so got to wait for that to change. I never thought id feel sad looking at a positive pregnancy test! My donor is available again so im very thankful for that, don't know what id do with out him. I have got tonsillitis just from being run down. Its hard going out as I keep thinking that last time I was there I was pregnant. I feel much calmer this time though. I was a bit of a maniac trying to get pregnant last time and I really don't want to get to that again. Im trying to think its all positive as I have a donor and I now know I can get pregnant although all I want to stew about is how old I am now and that its never going to happen!

I have decided to move forward with my dog agility after putting it on hold for years of treatment and im now looking for a new dog. Im hoping my daughter will be able to train it when she is about 4 so im going to get one and get it ready for her. It is nice to be looking forward to something other that pregnancy. I think actually being pregnant has made me appreciate how hard it is to be pregnant with a toddler aswell and just how special it is to have 1 lovely child and feel well and able enough to play with them and not be tired all the time!


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all!

KL, so lovely to hear from you and Im glad you are in a good place at the moment. What a fantastic idea about getting a dog, Im sure your little one will love it and great news that your donor is still available. It really helps to have a plan even if you arent quite ready to move forward with it just yet. 

Caro, what wonderful family you have offering to pay for further treatment. Finger's crossed you wont actually need it!! 

Carter, how is the DR


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

...sorry pressed return before finished

....Carter, how is the DR going? Hope you arent having any side effects? KL is right, Oct seems ages away but it will here before you know it, we are nearly in Sept already!! 

Ayah, how are you doing? Im keeping an eye on your signature for any news! 

Caz, hope you and twin bumps are all well?  

Hello Trin Trin, Im guessing you are on hols at the moment? 

xxxx


----------



## Carter4

Hi All

ayah - You're such a wise person, and your ability to put yourself in other ladies shoes is pretty impressive. I would never have minded your birth announcement here despite my own woes, but I am not currently raw. However a few of us we seem to be taking it turns to feel crap! I will keep checking your signature because it is still wonderful to hear about the end miracle.

KL - So lovely to hear from you. I keep thinking October seems a long way off, but like Penelope says we're nearly in September. I knew it would be a protracted affair from the research I have done. Seems the recipient is more often than not synced in with the donor, which makes perfect sense to me. 
You sound remarkably okayish which is good to hear. Bit of a mind boggle still showing positive though, I would struggle with that aspect. Great news about your donor being ready to go when you are. 
I must admit I worry about my energy levels should I ever get pregnant again. I hate the thought of not being able to give my all to my DD, I suffered with dreadful morning sickness first time round.

Penelope - Haven't started DR yet, but it's soon. How far are you now? I lose track really easy.

Hi to Trin and caro xx

AFM - Had to get my thyroid retested as hadn't been checked since August last year, but all okay, so good to go. Just got to have a scan to make sure no polyps, cysts etc.


----------



## ayah

Hi ladies.  Sorry AWOL for a while.  Tooooo tired on my goodness and hormonal.  Got myself in a tiss that youd all say sod off with your annocments!  Knew you wouldnt but youve all been there with the hormones!  Logical thinking can become rather alian at times  .  

Anyway thank you for your understanding and kindness.  Its being on FF that makes me more aware really, that and my annocing my bfp at work two days after one lady had early mc.  Had be worried about one lady i knew had IF refferal, who wasnt in.  The lady with mc hadnt planned to tcc till this sumner, but after a suprise bfp that was an early mc, they tried again and had another mc.  My timing could not have been worse!  I would never mind myself despit IF, till last year, but now Im very aware.

KL you do sound ok despite it all.  Hope its on gojng though I guess there are good and bad days and moments. Hope the pain of the bfp results has stopped.  Great to have a plan about living the here and now.  Feel my lifes been on hold for too many years.  Wanted to do my health visitor training years ago but put it off just incase.  I coild have been quolified for two years by now.  And only with one child to balance with study.  Hindsighg!

Sure your DD will love training a dog at four.  DS keeps asking for a fary pet.  No chance as he ans OH are very allergic to pet hairs.  Shame but then as much as I love the idea I dont like the cleaning.

You all so righ re tirdness and LO time in pregnacey.  Its been a relief that DS is 5 1/2 so can be left to himself to play and can help out too.  But the guilt is not good.  I bought a couple of annual passes for places that havent been used as Im exhusted.  Oh well when you all get here, which I so pray you do soon, at least youll be prepaired to add guilt on to the other emotions of bfp.  Worry, anxiety, tiredness, morning sickness are hard enough.  Just be extra kind to yourselves.  If we were in our twenties we could hold on till they older but like you say KL waiting is not an option.

Oh  I am wittering.  

KL glad you have a plan and can enjoy DD time before going again.

Pen and Caz hope you doing well.

Carter Great that your thyriid is good.  October almost here, or it should be given the autum weather!

Trin and caro take care of yourselves.

Thank you all again.  Wish hoping could get you all bfp'd but thoughts and prayers are with you

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

ayah just spotted your due date, eeeeek, officially 10 days to go? Any instinct when LO will arrive? x


----------



## ayah

Im guessing 10 days late Carter!  My mums coming up tomorrow.  She will stay a long as needed but really will need to get back asap.  Her parfnts are being moved ftom hospital to care home on Tuesday,  realky bad timing but I feel so in need of her here I cant tell her to come next week either.  She must ferl so turn.  So because of that and DS being 10 days late, Im expecting to be expecting for 20 more days x)  .  

So how are you getting on Carter?  Lost track of everyone,    

How is everyone getting on?

KL hope things are easing for you and DD is being a wonderful distraction.  She at such a cute age.

Sleep for me.  Shattered and the pgp really getting bad too.  But not lontake care every one

AYah xxx


----------



## Carter4

......be interesting to see if your prediction is right ayah, and your mum may feel torn, but I'm sure she wants to do right by you.

I'm just plodding along DR, knowing the nail biting stuff is a little way off yet.

How is everyone else? Still reading or busy with 'real' life? Hi anyway xx


----------



## ayah

Carter your right.  She seemed really worried yesterday that Id be in labour before she arrived!  Guess with two boys I'll never expirence that,  I will be the dreaded mil wanting to be more involved than my dil wants!  Ooh do hope Im not a nightmare mil    .

Hope your not suffering too much on the DRs.  Seems life time away that this time last year was in my 2ww.  Hope the time passes smoothly for you.  All besr

Ayah xxx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all,

How is everyone? Carter, hope Dr is going ok for you. Bet you can't wait for Nov to come or are you enjoying the calm before the storm?!?! 

Ayah, wow, baby bit could arrive anytime from now!!? How exciting!! We're having another boy too and your comment about being an interfering mil made me laugh as I've had the same thoughts about that recently. My mil doesn't really show any interest in our little boy so hoping to learn from that and try and strike a nice balance between the two!! 

Kl, how are you lovely? How long are you planning on leaving it before ttc with donor again?

Caz, hope you and twin bumps are well. Are you due in Oct?

Trin Trin, hope all is good with you.

Is there anyone I've missed? Sorry if I have left someone out.

Afm, all good here, already very big and have 13 weeks to go!! Back to work tomorrow after a lovely week off with hubby and DS so not looking forward to that!!

Xxx


----------



## KLconfused

HI, 
hope your all progressing well. Sounds like the 'bumps' are all doing great  
I hope that all of us on this thread will end up with a baby soon. 

Thanks for asking Pen. Ive finally got the negative pregnancy test so now I have to wait a few weeks for period then start trying again. I was hoping to lose some weight before I try again and have started on the treadmill but have put on 2lbs! it always happens when I start running and must be muscle but its frustrating. I know being fat wasn't the cause of the miscarriage  but id be happier if I could get some weight gone.

im a bit nervous of trying again. Im nervous of it working and not working! but not long now until I can  get on with it. I just want baby #2 healthy and in my arms and put this nightmare behind me but don't we all 

have a good week everyone.


----------



## ayah

KL  Ive "meet " so many lovely and amazing women here on ff and so truely hope you all have your complete families soon, oh and me too!  Like you say wont be feel safe to believe it till he's in my arms.  Guess it must feel saddness and good to get the bfn, knowing you can move on again but sad at having too.  There where a few lost pregnacies on my bfp thread.  Thinking about them a lot at this time.  Happy that some are now bfp again and hoping for the others.

Tc all Ayah xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Morning lovely ladies!!

Sorry I've been a bit AWOL....I was on holiday, the house stuff is starting to happen, my gorgeous girl turned 10 (cannot believe she's double figures!!!!) on Tuesday do busy sorting out celebrations for her.

Anyway, Ayah, you alway think about us on here even though your dream has come true. It's so thoughtful and kind. Not long to go for the arrival....you must be so excited. Keep us all posted!!

Klconfused - it's good to see that your loss has not broken your determinness to fulfil your dream. Your experience recently is probably the hardest and most painful experience I have gone through. The first time affected more and I also remember having positive tests for a long time after....it was awful. I understand your feelings about trying again it not working and working....I'm glad the donor is around to assist again....the positive is your body has the ability to do what it has to do naturally so maintain your positivenes.

Carter - I'm sooooooo pleased that your cycling again. I have every part of my body crossed for you this cycle!!!!🙏🙏🙏

Caro - I hope you're doing okay. Great news with having a cycle paid for you...that must be a relief. When are you going to start again?

Penelope, Caz hope all pregnancies are going well.

AFM I'm exploring the route which Klconfused used. 'Think'I've found a donor we've been communicating via email but he sounds lovely, genuine and wants to help. He helped a lady a few years ago too. Hopefully will meet next week. He's agreed to donate twice day I detect my surge and the next day too. I'm not ready for the clinics. As we'll be moving soon and living in chaos I can't see myself going through a cycle for now so will try this route for until at least January. I'm 40 at the end of December so lets see what happens.

Take care everyone hoping all our dreams can come true❤


----------



## Carter4

Hey Ladies

ayah - Tee hee at your mil comment. So far I seem to be coasting through the DR, no ghastly side effects to date, touch wood it stays that way, because this will obviously be longer than usual. Think I may have said previously a tad more emotional, but who can tell when so much is at stake anyway. I'll keep looking out for your announcement, feel genuinely excited for you x

Penelope - November can't come soon enough, but then I am also full of trepidation! DH mentioned he can get enough together for another go should we want to try again. In a strange way I felt my heart sink, because I just know I am nearing the end of my tether with all of this, and I don't want to look back with regrets, which another potential go being dangled in front of me is going to affect me that way. I psychologically want to get into the zone that this is our 'last go' then it has to work!
Hope work hasn't been too rubbish for you? Congrats on another boy, don't think I knew that x

KL - Good luck with your health kick. Glad you can 'get on it again', and I really hope you can get a pretty fast result x

Trin - Great to hear from you. Is your DD 10 going on 20? Thanks for the good luck wishes. I wondered how you was getting on after expressing an interest to KL about a similar DS route. Hope it works out for you, and I'm so pleased you have a plan of action x

caro - How are you? Have you had your review yet? x

Caz - Have no idea whether you visit here anymore, but I hope your pregnancy is progressing without any hitches? 

AFM - Little to say at this stage, just patiently injecting, and occasionally having a tiny freak out for what lays ahead!


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## Penelope Pitstop

Afternoon all,

Trin Trin, lovely to hear from you. Sounds like you have been very busy with hols,moving and your LO's 10th Bday celebrations!! Good news about the donor, let us know how you get on with your initial meeting next week. 

Carter, so glad your dont have any nasty side effects to contend with. I totallly understand your logic of wanting to get in the zone of thinking that this is your last go although it is good that you do have funds to go again should you need to (praying that you dont!!). Try and put that to the back of your mind and focus on this cycle. 

KL, good luck with the healthy living plan. I know Ive put on weight with every cycle. 

Ayah, how are you? Only a few a days left to go!!!! Regularly checking your signature for news!! 

Hope everyone else is well. 

Afm, going for a 3d scan tonight. We had one with our DS and we havent had as many scnas with baby #2 as not consultant led  so we havent seen much of bump. Taking DS along to see if he understands as so far he's not picked up on the fact that mummy is getting larger!! 

xxxx


----------



## Carter4

Thanks Penelope for your wise words.

Hope you have had a fab time at your 3d scan? Any tears or was composure maintained! How did your DS take the news? Is he fully understanding?

I took my DD to a soft play centre this afternoon and now I'm nursing a corker headache, so it was either that environment or I spoke too soon yesterday and the DR is kicking in!

Thinking of ayah and hi to the rest of the gang xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Afternoon!

Carter, hope the headache has subsided?? I find soft play places tend to give me headache too so hoping its not side effects of DR. 

Scan went well, no tears, didnt really have time to get emotional as DS was causing mayhem in the scan room!!! Was lovely to see bump again and he looks just like DS did on his 3d scan!!! Still dont think DS has any idea whats going on, he did recognise that there was a baby on the screen and then tried to climb on the bed with me!!! Think they were glad to see the back of us!!!

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend?

xxxx


----------



## ayah

Pen, great that 3d scan went well.  Amazing how far you are now!  Haha re DS.  Thought my 5 year old DS would have been more interested at the clinic scan I took him to but no  .  Mind we have an hours wait.  I guess at a young age its just too abatract a concept to get thier minds round.  Hey it blows my mind to be honest and Im a nurse!

Carter, soft play can be a hectic place.  Tend to let OH take DS as I cant relax there!  Hope the side effects dont get too bad.  

Hello everyone.  Take care all.  Having a quiet afternoon here.  DS has had tummy upset but hes been ok so OH has taken him and my mum out.  Saw my gp in oassing today.  Not seen him all pregnacey and he asked if Im having twins   .  If bump size is anything to go by its at keast triplets, but pleased its not   .

Ayah xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Ayah,
Ive been told Im looking big too and people often ask if Im sure Im not having twins!! I wonder if its because its 2nd baby and everything has already stretched? Im getting a bit paranoid about it now as everyone keeps saying Im going to be early (not that they know of course!!!!). Got appt with M.Wife tomorrow so will see what she says as will be first time she's measured me. 

I hope everyone else is well and looking after themselves. 

xxxx


----------



## ayah

Everyone except my antinatal team been saying same to me Pen.  Oh you wont make 40 weeks will you!?  Well 2 days left so think they all been wrong.  Like you say think its the weaker muscles.  Oh and Ive got high bmi so rather fat anyway lol!  NOt saying that might be you!  But diffinatly a caurse in me.  

All best for MW appiontment.  Gets exciting when the chart starts filling up.  My scan results estimate he's just over 50th centile but my tummy measurements put him way over 90th!  Think scans reasults better!  

Hi all
Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Yay ayah, just noticed your signature change, congratulations on the birth of your son. Post some details if you get a chance. I remember only too well how hectic those early days are, so no rush. Just would love to hear name, weight, birth story (so not too much then, ha ha) x

Penelope what did your mw say? Did measurement come out as bigger than average? x

Hi to Trin, Caz, caro, and KL xxxx

AFM - DR scan next week.


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## Penelope Pitstop

Well spotted Carter!! A huge congratulations to you Ayah on the safe arrival of baby boy #2!!! When you've got chance I would love to hear details too!!

Carter, what day is your dr scan? Is it just to check you're on track? I guess they have to monitor you a little more closely as they have you and donor. Good luck!!

Hi to everyone else, hope everyone is well.

MW appt was rather rushed as she was running later but I'm measuring bang on and iron levels are just above lower level.


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## caro8500

Awwwww...Congratulations Ayah!! So happy for you. Another lovely boy. Hope all is going well. If I remember correctly from DS I felt drunk on lack of sleep by day 4/5. Wonderful but exhausting times. 

Carter...Do you know when transfer is likely to be yet or am I jumping the gun a bit. Hope you are feeling ok with it all

Pen...Can't believe how quickly it is going for you. Time just seems to fly by

Hi to TRin, KL and Caz

AFM. Had my review this week and decided we will be going again from next AF (another month) that's if it arrives on time and fits in with our holiday (again) otherwise might not work out till after Christmas Grrrr. Making no changes to meds etc as went fairly well last time (apart from obviously not getting pregnant!). Did bring it all back to the surface again though just when things had settled down and felt a bit upset and frustrated about it all, but the only way is forward. Anyway off to Legoland tomorrow for a night. I don't know whose more excited DS or us!! 

xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Congratulations Ayah🎉🎉

Carter hope all is well with the meds Can't believe we're in mud September already. I joined this thread in January! Hoping this is THE one for you.

Caro - good news that you're starting again. Can I ask how old you are? I don't know why I'm curious about our ages it's just a few of us are approaching 40 or turned 40 this year and we're the ones still trying with this awful journey:-(

Klconfused - how are you?

Pen - glad to hear all is well with your pregnancy

AFM - I found a donor BUT my DH didn't realise this method involved meeting the donor!!! He's not comfortable with the knowing and kept saying "say we bumped into him in the future" I do get it but I thought he undertood how this worked. Perhaps these sites should consider a service where there's some kind of courier and intermediary?? Anyway DH is saying we have the money so lets try again. Not sure why I'm not ready. May try the sperm banks who deliver sperm to your door and still try home inseminations and stick to trying IVF in January after my 40th!

Hope you've all had a restful weekend x


----------



## KLconfused

Congrats Ayah - Im sooooooooooooooo jealous 

Trin - my husband was similar about the donor. My donor offered to meet us both but my hubbie didn't want to meet him. We never had the discussion about what happens if we bump into him but I decided that if I did id say he was from work or we just wouldn't greet each other. My donor would know its a bit awkward I think and not make a point of saying hello if he saw me. But also we move in very different circles so its unlikely that would ever happen. I really hope you get a solution that works for you both very soon.

Hi to everyone else xx

AFM, had my first period now after miscarriage. Im seeing my donor again this weekend. Start peeing on a stick again from Wednesday for my OPK. No idea what to expect about when ill ovulate so we shall see what happens. Im not raring to go like I was last time. Ive been so upset all week. Thinking I should be 16 weeks pregnant now and I don't want to be back on this rollercoaster. I so nearly got my dream. I also looked on the miscarriage section here and I just see lots of women whove got 1 baby and then have recurrent miscarriages and im sure that has to be me! I burst into tears at a dog show yesterday to a friend of mine - she wasn't expecting that! Anyway maybe once I get this weekend over with and ive done another AI ill feel better. 

Have a lovely week everyone. Were off to centreparcs today for a break. Still haven't packed anything and we leave soon!


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## Carter4

Penelope - DR scan already under my belt, but will continue while waiting for donor to catch up. Feel quite chilled at the min, so let's hope I can stay in this frame of mind. 
Glad bump measurements are on track.

caro I have a rough idea when ET will be, but there is a lot of scope either side. Donor has to DR properly first, then respond to stimms satisfactorily, in the meantime my lining has to behave. 
Won't lie I've had some corker headaches with it, and even a couple of migraines, meh, but today has been a better one.
We might be bump buddies yet, there's not much in it, assuming you get to cycle before christmas. 
Hope you had fun at Legoland? Would you recommend it?
ps - I too am curious about your age, if I had to guess I would say early to mid thirties? Now prove me completely wrong  

Trin - Lots to think about, but good that you have options. I can understand your DH's reticence, I would be the same at the thought of meeting my donor. Scary to think we have been posting on this thread for nine months, for an obvious reason too!

KL - It must be a tough time for you still. One word of advice from a kindred spirit don't read the miscarriage section unless you are reaching out for support. You have suffered enough, don't torment yourself further. The AI will hopefully help you feel more proactive in your quest for a sibling. Fx your donors swimmers do the trick again. Enjoy your centreparcs break.

AFM - Just waiting for the green light to start building my lining up, won't be until next week at the earliest.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi Carter,

Glad your DR is scan is under your belt, sounds like things are going to start moving for you from next week when they start building up your lining. Do you think it helps that you have a longer cycle with donor eggs so that there isnt so much pressure with having to reach certain goals in a shorter time scale?? 

Caro, how was Legoland? I really want to take DS but going to hang on until he's a bit older I think. Hoping AF arrives on time and you can start cycling next month. Hoping the feelings of anxiety will start to subisde once you are actually up and running with meds etc.

Trin Trin, have you decided what you are going to do re donor verses sperm bank delivery? I can understand hubby's worry about meeting donor think my hubby would be the same but maybe he will come around to the idea? 

KL confused, totally understandable that you should feel this way after everything you have been through. Hoping the meeting with you donor goes well this weekend and once you have done first AI you will start to feel better and can look foward to getting your dream again. 

Ayah, I hope you and family are all well. We are all thinking of you. 

xxxxx


----------



## Carter4

Hi Penelope

Just looked at your ticker, blimey o'riley, not long for you now either. Are you as prepared as you can be? I must say you have been very sweet to keep coming back here and checking on those of us still chipping away.

I've theoretically worked out mine and my donors cycle and I think I was a tad over optimistic, so more likely the end part of next week, possibly moving into the following week before I can shift gear again.

I think the longer cycle has strangely helped my mindset, as apart from the occasional fleeting feeling of impatience I am pretty chilled. Suppose by being a recipient I have to go with the flow even more than usual, but I feel no pressure at all, which is a treat after my last few OE cycles!

Hi to everyone else


----------



## caro8500

Hi All

Ha Ha interesting how we build up a picture of each other....to satisfy your curiosity I'm 36 (37 in December) So you weren't a million miles out with mid thirties Carter although heading down the other side now!!. For me whilst age is of course always a factor, the main worry is how my endometriosis is getting progressively worse and how that impacts on likelihood of IVF working/getting pregnant. Before my first IVF my symptoms were mostly around the time of my AF (except for few isolated episodes) now though I'm finding most days I'm feeling unwell with it, whether its pain, feeling sick or just really tired its noticeably worse. So feel like time definitely isn't on my side in that way.

Carter...Good that you are feeling quite relaxed about things so far. Hopefully that will help with the implantation!! Would be great to be bump buddies. Fingers crossed

Trin Trin... I guess meeting Donor adds a whole other dimension to it and could take a bit of getting your head around. Hopefully DH will get there with it but fingers crossed for sperm bank working first if that's what you decide to do. 

Hope you have a well deserved break away KL. x

Legoland was fab by the way. I'd definitely recommend it. But I think you're right in waiting Pen as there's not many rides for really little ones. Majority of rides they have to be 0.9m and the bigger ones 1.0m. DS was just over this (and they are really strict about it). and he went on majority of the rides. He loved the water rides even the log flume but wasn't that keen on the rollercoaster and was scared of the giant spider ride!. I'd also recommend going outside of school hols (I've heard the queues can be up to 2 hours!!) We didn't queue for more than 5 minutes on Monday it was great. We stayed in a pirate room at Lego Hotel and DS was just mad for it, he's really into Lego already. The food's rubbish though, we had tea out in Windsor which was much nicer. 

xx


----------



## Carter4

Oooh caro I was close(ish) then  .
Poor you with the endometriosis though, sounds like a challenging thing to live with?
Legoland sounds fun, when they are the rightt age that is. Actually it's height isn't it! Looks like my DD will have a bit of a wait, she's a little shorty, although does seem to be catching up with her peers!

It's my niece's first birthday tomorrow (ivf miracle too), and it has made me feel quite emotional this evening. Memories have come flooding back of my DD's first birthday. Was taken completely off guard when the tears flowed while reading her card out to the family. It's such a deep love to describe. Makes me wonder if we will have this again, but then I am so grateful to know of this pure love too. Should have put hormonal alert at the beginning of this paragraph


----------



## KLconfused

Hi all, sounds like everyone is progressing on really well. I started this thread I think when I started my 1st ICSI since my daughter in December last year. That year anniversary is coming round a bit quick. At least a couple of ladies will be off this thread with their babe in arms at the anniversary date. 

I ovulated last weekend so saw my donor Saturday and Sunday. I cant believe im in a 2ww again. Ovulation was different timing wise again so things seem all over the place. Interestingly i had no high days on the OPK just peak. Last time i was trying i had 5 high days before peak. Last time my hormones were raging and i was loopy loo. So now im worried i didn't see a high which means i haven't enough estrogen! 

Im probably as near as ive ever been to giving up. Its all so stressful and i feel a bit beaten and defeated. Ill give it 3 months and then see. 

Oh and centre parcs was great. My DD is still a bit young for it really but we enjoyed it all the same


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi all,

Just wondering how everyone is doing as its been a bit quiet on her this week. 

Carter, have you started the next stage yet? Hoing the headaches are subsiding. 

KL confused, how is the 2ww wait going. Its surprising how quickly that comes around when you dont have to worry about drugs and EC/ET etc. I think you forget when you are so used to being on an IVF cycle. Hoping you arent going   .

Trin Trin, Caro hope you are both well. Caro, sounds like you are really suffering with the endo. 

xxxx


----------



## Carter4

Yahoooo 

How are you all?

I'm getting ever nearer to the exciting stage. Forgot my meds by a couple of hours yesterday evening, pretty annoying when my alarm was set on my mobile. I should have shot up then and there but I was engrossed in some ******** chatter, and all of a sudden two hours later I remember, grrrr. Caused a bit of anxiety, and still feel a bit twitchy now, but I'm hoping no harm, fx it will be okay!

KL - Really hoping for another bfp for you! No idea when you are due to test, keep us posted. Hopefully your three month review will be null and void x

Penelope - No more headaches thank gawd. Next stage up and running, yeehah! You okay? x

<waving> to everyone else xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Woo hoo carter, great news about being underway with the next stage!! Im sure the gap in meds wont have caused an major issues, we all forget from time to time, I think it would only cause problems if you were to do it continually over a period of time. I know I would have gone into panic mode if it was me though!!! Whats next for you? Its nearly Oct so wont be long before everything really starts moving for you!! Im so excited for you!! 

Im ok, thanks for asking. Definately ready to finish work now but have another 5/6 weeks left. Im becoming more anxious about everything again this last few weeks and just want my little man to be here safe in my arms. 

xxx


----------



## MiniM

Hi

I was wondering if I could join you on this thread - feel like I need a bit of support from others in a similar situation. 

As you will see from my signature we have a gorgeous little boy who is 2 1/2 and have been trying for a sibling for him since May 2013. We've just had our first unsuccessful round of IVF. We ended up with only two slow developing average embryos to transfer (from 11 eggs) so worried I just have rubbish eggs. Also have endo and adeno so like Caro am worried about the impact of keeping trying and not managing these. Need to snap out of my current BFN gloom and panic that it might never happen. 

We have our follow up next week so should know more then but hopefully will try again.

Pleased to see that some of you have 2nd miracles on the way - it gives me hope!


----------



## ayah

Hi MiniM,

Sorry that youve found yourself in this situation.  Its one that many people simply dont understand as we have one child.  Get a lot of just be greatful ect.  Sorry that you have so many contributing factors to your IF issues.  Must be very hard for you.  I have gained so much support from this thread.  The ladies here are wonderful and wise too!

My IF issue is PCOS and unexplained.  It took few years but had our DS2 3 weeks ago.  Hope that it doesnt take so long for you and you have a sibling for your DS.

I see your bfn is very recent.  Be kind to yourself.  One day at a time.  I found having DS1 hekped me get over the bfn's as youbjust have to get on.  But also made them harder as each time I looked at him I felt guilty that I was failing him.  Did you have IF treatment for DS?  

All best.

Hi everyone. Sorry Ive nit been here for a while.  How are you getting on?  Fussy head and I cant remeber whos cycleing at moment!  KL are you in the 2ww?  All best.  Pen is it just couple more months for you?  

Take care.  Will try catch up soon.  Thinking of you
Ayah xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Hi all and welcome minim. Your in good company as I think we cover all spectrums of treatment. Weve got it all going on here. Be kind to yourself as you've only just had the set back. Give yourself time to grieve and decide whats next.

Ayah - lovely to see you back here even though were all so jealous. I think there should be a thread for 'ive now got my 2 kids and im on cloud 9 and we can have you and pen on there and the rest can join as we get there  Actually didn't we get twins from this thread early on so 4 babies so far!

Carter - your so nearly there. I hope time has flown for you too. 
Caro - you must be nearly there too. 

Trin - any news?

AFM im in the 2ww. my cycle has been 26 or 28 days recently so I test either Monday or Wednesday next week. Not really sure as I might just wait to see if AF starts and if not then maybe test. I have started fostering rescue dogs again and the first arrived last sunday and he has a new home to go to this Saturday. Its actually been brilliant and really taken the focus off the 2ww. I wont say I haven't thought about it a lot as I have and im still trying to feel every twinge or anything to see what it means but its helped to get on with my life a bit and its probably the most 'in the background' TTC has ever been in the last 6 years. 

I didn't go and see my NCT friends last week as I couldn't face them as they are all pregnant or ttc but Im going to see them this week. I don't want to but I have to get on with it I suppose. ive gone over what ill say and im telling them im giving up trying and getting another dog. so that should stop the question they always talk about which is 'when are you having #2?' Someone always says well I don't want to be pregnant until xyz as ive got a holiday etc etc so we will just try when we get back and ill be pregnant by xmas. makes me want to cry listening to that sort of conversation. I do find myself wishing my life away and I want it to be 5 years time and they have all finished having kids and its no longer a subject for discussion.


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## caro8500

Hello Everyone 

KL...Must be really hard with your NCT friends. Can't get my head round people just 'deciding' when they are going to have their second and even fit it around Holidays, but I guess that's how it is is for many....Sigh! Good luck with 2WW x

Ayah...great to hear from you. Hope you are loving being a new mummy again (although I remember how hard the first few months are!) and DS2 is doing well? How is DS1 finding it? 

Carter...Where are you up to with things now? 

MiniM....welcome. Sorry to hear of your BFN its such an awful feeling. I know its easier said than done but try not to worry too much at this stage, your cycle sounds similar to mine in Jan ( I only had 2 fertilised and they weren't great) but (although still no BFP) my most recent cycle went much better. Ivf just seems really random but hopefully your next cycle will be better if that's what you decide to do. 11 eggs is a good number too. Nice to hear from someone who has Endo as well if you know what I mean. Did you conceive your DS naturally? and do you think you were getting endo symptoms before your first pregnancy? 

Hi Trin and Pen..hope you both doing ok 

AFM. Having a really bad time with work. Our service (NHS) is going to be taken over by the voluntary sector next year which will be a really significant drop in pay (and even possibility of job cuts). I saw another job that I would really like to have applied for this week but after a long chat with DH and a lot of soul searching we have decided that trying for another baby (and having time with my DS...I am currently part time and would have to go full time in a new job) takes priority over money and career at the moment. Could really do without the stress of it all though especially as hoping to cycle again soon. 

Oh and was out with DS today when really innocently a man asked him how many brothers and sisters he had... he said none...it broke my heart but reinforced that I have made the right decision workwise. 

xx


----------



## Carter4

Hey Ladies

I'm still about  . Had my lining scan and it is lovely and thick (11.5) and triple layer, so I'm good to go. Will know a bit more after Friday, but donor EC looking likely next week, so we are very close. I am feeling remarkably optimistic, but periodically trying to dampen it down a bit, not even as self preservation, but more based on the knowledge it can take up to three cycles. It's essentially like going back to square one.

Penelope - Flippin' 'ek not long at all until you start your mat leave then, bet it can't come soon enough! Your much wanted second little man will be snuggled in your arms before you know it. Think the nerves are always lurking in the background.

MiniM -  and welcome. It's probably not much consolation but it is only the lucky few who hit the jackpot on their first fertility treatment, so try not to be too disheartened. Lots will have been learned, and should stand you in good stead for your next try. Really hope at your review your clinic tell you the same, good luck and let us know how it goes.

ayah - Can't believe your DS2 is three weeks old already. Hope you're not too sleep deprived?

KL - Gosh wouldn't it be fantastic if you got another bfp, keeping everything so tightly crossed for you. I would love to foster dogs but couldn't cope with the emotional wrench when it was time for them to move on. You have my total admiration for undertaking such a worthy cause. I remember once in my DD's baby sign group the mummy's started talking about #2, like it was a done deal. Two things raced through my head, I hope none of you suffer with secondary infertility, and quick get the bleep out of here!

caro - Any nearer to starting? Job stress is most definitely not what you need right now! My DD's favourite saying is "little baby", haven't let on to DH that it unsettles me slightly, just hoping we can oblige. Really pray that you get there.

Hi Trin - Hope you are okay?


----------



## MiniM

Hi

Thank you so much for the warm welcome - it is nice to have found ladies going through the same thing.

Ayah congratulations on your new little one - you must be over the moon. I hope your DS1 is enjoying being a big brother.

Kconfused good luck with your 2ww really hope it is good news for you. I can entirely understand your NCT group issue. There are 8 couples in our group and 4 have had 2nd babies since May and I see them virtually every week. It's hard to see all the new babies but I don't want to not see them either....they know about our position though and are being super supportive.

Carter doesn't sound like you have long to wait now if donor has EC next week - how exciting.

Caro sounds like a good decision re work the stress of a new job wouldn't help.

Re your questions we conceived our DS naturally with no problems so this has all come as a bit of a shock. Caro - I've had the symptoms of endo since about 2005 but didn't have a great doctor when I first went to seek help. I now have a good GP hence the diagnosis earlier this year.

I think the adenomyosis (like endo in muscle wall of uterus for anyone who hasn't heard of it) is new and post our DS though and probably our major problem. Our DS was born at 32 weeks by emergency c section and adeno is more common where you've had previous uterine surgery. Hoping they can overcome this though.

Anyway looking forward to talking to you all more x x


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all 
As this is where most of the action and chatter takes place on this board  I just thought I'd pop my head in and say hello 

I posted an introduction message at the top of the board, but it felt rude not to say hello in here too  

Please let me know if you have any queries or problems with this board.

I was thinking of starting a 'Hoping for Another Miracle Success Stories' thread to give hope to everyone.
I know I used to feel inspired and gain a new injection of hope from such stories at various parts of my long journey.
We could even have it set as a 'sticky' at the top of the board if it really took off 
Let me know your thoughts.
Lots of luck to everyone for another miracle 

Angie x


----------



## Carter4

MiniM - I sincerely hope your endo and adeno doesn't prevent you from becoming a mummy again. I should imagine secondary infertility is quite a bitter pill to swallow. Do you know when you plan to try again? We're all at different stages on this thread, but keep coming back. Think the unspoken sentiment (until now that is) is that we all need to get our second precious bundles, before we can move on.

Anjelissa - Hi there, I did see your post so now I'm feeling really rude myself, oopsie! Your idea of a new thread sounds really good and certainly feeds into KL's theory. Only hope I get to join it one day (if you do set it up), along with the rest of the crew here!

AFM - Estradiol levels behaving, had some results back, whahooo!


----------



## Moragob

Hi

I've been lurking for a while getting my head around starting again but we have now committed and I start meds tomorrow (GULP) so would love to join you.  We have a gorgeous 19 month DE conceived daughter and are hoping for a sibling.  It's so good to not be alone on this quest and also to hear of others successes.  I was so lucky with our first DE go and am really struggling with believing it could happen again and with age and money this is really our one and only attempt.

Morag


----------



## Anjelissa

Carter4 said:


> Anjelissa - Hi there, I did see your post so now I'm feeling really rude myself, oopsie! Your idea of a new thread sounds really good and certainly feeds into KL's theory. Only hope I get to join it one day (if you do set it up), along with the rest of the crew here!


Hi Carter and thanks for your reply  
I have to admit to not knowing what you meant by 'KL's theory', so had to look back through the last posts to check .
It was just an idea I had for the board when I first joined as moderator as I thought it could be a really positive thing to have here .

Great minds think alike hey 

I remember how I used to look for success stories when I was going through tx, and then later on was further inspired by those ahead of me in the adoption process.

That's great to know such a thread would be well received here.
I just wanted to see what people thought before I jumped in 

I used to visit this board many years ago and so haven't got up to speed on who's who and where people are 'at' yet, so please forgive me.

Angie x


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,
Hi Morag and welcome 
Lots of luck for your the start of your tx today 

............Just following on from my previous post, would one of you lovely ladies who have been blessed with another miracles/s like to start the 'Hoping for another miracle success stories' thread?

As KL suggested above, it would be great to have those of you who have achieved their dream to start it off and then everyone else can join in over time (and I'm sure you all will)  

I'm more than happy to start it for you of course, but I'd imagine it would mean far more to you all if it was created by one of your group 

I'll make sure it doesn't get lost 

Any volunteers to start?

Angie x x


----------



## Carter4

Welcome Moragob - Good luck for this cycle. I really hope it works again for you, especially since you do not plan on revisiting this part of your life again, no reason why it shouldn't! Are you cycling here or abroad? Do you have the same donor or any frosties left? I have a DD who is 21 months old, but from my OE, seems I just scraped through with her, as consequent cycles with my OE have been dreadful to say the least. My donor is due EC next week and this will be our first attempt with DE, but 7th in total!!!

Anjelissa - It's definitely a good idea for a new thread. I probably shouldn't speak on behalf of the other ladies here, but I'm going to risk it, so you're not left waiting. There are only three that could start the thread ayah, who is a second time mummy to a three week old boy. She visits here occassionally, and is quite possibly snowed under. Caz who is pregnant with twins, but sadly we have not heard from, since back in June/July time, and then our lovely guardian angel Penelope, who is heading towards the end part of her pregnancy. I have a feeling she would want her little boy here first, before considering starting such a thread. I hope if I am wrong somebody will interject. Our long term gang also consists of KL (founder), caro and Trin, plus myself, and we are all, at this stage, still on our quest for a sibling. Then recent newbies MiniM and Moragob. A couple of others have dipped in and out way back. In a nutshell it might need to be you starting this new thread.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Just a quickie from me, I'll post properly later but didn't wNt to be rude. Anjelissa, I think a new thread is a great idea but carter is right, I wouldn't be comfortable starting the thread until my little boy is safe in my arms and I hack another 8 weeks to go so you may need to start it for us unless Ayah would like to do?


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi again all,

Penelope Pitstop...(great name btw )...thanks for your reply 
Lots of luck for 2 months time, I'm sure it will come around before you know it! 

Carter...lots of luck for next week  

I did originally think that you may prefer me to start it (for a few reasons) but I didn't want to just jump in, especially as it was discussed between you before I mentioned it. Obviously I'm not up to speed yet on who's who etc, so thanks for filling me in . I'll hopefully catch up soon.  

I also hope that although there are only a couple of regular ladies here that could add to it (before the rest of you join in, and you will  ), we will hopefully attract some members from other parts of the site who may like to add their 'hoping for another miracle' success stories.
It would be good to have a selection of different stories so that they will be relevant to different people's journeys and could therefore help more people 

Obviously when a thread is added to (whichever part of the site it's from) it will come up in the 'show unread posts since last visit' selection to members. 
There will probably be many ladies here hoping for another miracle who are unaware this specific board even exists, (especially new members).  

I'll get it sorted for you this evening when the munchkins are in bed, as I'm 'multi-tasking' (badly ) atm.

PP and Carter...I've just noticed your lo's are pretty much the same age as my little lady, so I know you'll get what I mean re/the multi-tasking  

Angie x


----------



## ayah

Hi Angie anf our threads lovely ladies,

How well you know us Carter.  Mind after 9 months of posting...  I has DS2 three weeks ago and am currently only good at woffel!  Its Eid tomorrow too to bit busy but should be able to add something early next week.  

Its a lovely idea though.  

All best for cycling and pregnacey ladies!

Ayah xxx


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi ladies,

Ok.....it's done 
It was quite hard in the end, as I appreciate the delicate line between wanting to have a 'positive stories' thread and one that could be painful to read for those still struggling to achieve their miracles 

I decided to write a slightly longer post than my original.....'It would be lovely to have a positive 'Another Miracle' success stories.....please post'....thread as it's a very delicate and emotional topic.
I am hoping it may encourage people to contribute without feeling awkward that they might offend or upset others etc...
That is of course if they don't fall asleep half way through my post!  

If it doesn't get any replies then I'll give it a 'haircut'   and try a different angle.

I hope you approve of the wording.

Link to 'Success story' thread...... 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=327123.0

Angie x

Ayah.....Congratulations on the arrival of your little man  
Please don't worry about adding to the thread yet , you need all the rest you can get atm!


----------



## ayah

Thank you Angie.  Do you have a link to the new thred?

Ayah xxx


----------



## Anjelissa

ayah said:


> Thank you Angie. Do you have a link to the new thred?
> 
> Ayah xxx


Hi Ayah,

I've now added a link to my post above 
The thread is just below this one at the moment.
If it falls down the page due to lack of replies I'll bump it up or 'sticky' it at top of page to prevent it getting lost.

Angie x


----------



## KLconfused

Hi all

BFN for me today. I feel inconsolable. I can feel the desperation rising again and I just want to crawl under the duvet and never come out. My cycle this month was 24 days. It has been 28 or 26 days the last few months. It used to be like clockwork so I don't understand why its becoming erratic. I really thought it would be a positive test too as I had so many symptoms. 

I saw the NCT girls yesterday. One is 24 weeks pregnant. It was hard. I just don't feel we have much in common anymore. Its just too hard to sit around knowing they are all pregnant or trying. Just too hard really 

Sorry for my negativity. Difficult day and I know you all know what that feels like. 

Hope you are all OK.


----------



## Anjelissa

Oh KL, I'm so sorry   
There are never adequate words, but I just wanted to send a hug 
Angie x x


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone and the newbies!! Welcome!!

Just a quick post from me Klconfused sorry to hear its a bfn and yes we all know what it feels like!! Remember and don't lose hope that it did take 2 cycles last time and as i think you said you're going to give this method 3-6 months. Don't be too hard on yourself (easier said than done I know) and if staying away from the NCT girls is what you heed to do for a while then so be it. Surely they will understand.....

This method worked for you only a few months ago and there is no valid reason why it wouldn't work again. Lets keep up the positivity and positive thoughts!!!

Carter - I'm sooooo pleased things are progressing along for you. I'm feeling excited for you!!

Penelope - not long to go for you too to have your baby boy)) exciting!!!
Sorry for no more personals just been busy with moving home!! Oh my car arrived which was a lovely pre 40 treat to myself!! Haven't done anything else re trying again apart from looking at sperm bank sites. I'm kinda thinking I'll try again in January. 1st try was a biochemical, FET ending in a miscarriage so surely 3rd time lucky?

Hi to everyone else I'll ensure to do personals properly next time xx


----------



## Carter4

KL - I so wish it could have been different for you. Probably this month of all months you needed it just that little bit more. I should imagine the slightly shorter cycles is a result of your mc though. Give your nct buddies a bit of a wide berth at the moment, it doesn't have to be permanent. Hugs KL.

Definitely get what you mean re the multi tasking Anjelissa. I tend to try and post when my DD is napping, or after she has gone to bed. Trouble is if I fall behind, after a busy few days, by the time I have caught up on my reading, it is time for her to wake from her nap, and I have missed my window,   plus I type slowly  . 
ps - I think your intro to the new thread is fab. Can't wait until I can pop my story on there!

Trin - Thank you, I keep fluctuating between excitement and "uh-oh what the bleep"!!! Third time lucky seems to be the direction your last two cycles were moving in, I do hope so. Enjoy your new car


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi Carter....thanks for your kind words, I'm glad you like it 
I'm the same as you re/making use of nap & bedtime. Our little lady's nap seems to be getting shorter and shorter lately.....and I get a yell from her cot.... Mummmmmyyyyyy....'ge-me-owwwww'!!!  (get-me-out)
Our little man has been off with chicken pox all of last week bless him, so my multi-tasking has had to reach new heights   
He's all better now thankfully, and back to school on Monday 

KL...more hugs 

Ladies....I don't want to intrude, so I'll leave you be now (I know I wont be able to stop myself from popping in from time to time with the odd message in reaction to news etc, but that's just me being a chatter-box  )
I just wanted to get to know you all a little, as it felt rude moderating without introducing myself etc.

I'm looking forward to hearing lots of wonderful news on here over the next few months   

Love and luck, Angie x x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening ladies,

So annoying, I just spent ages writing a reply and my computer crashed on me!!!  

Just wanted to say quickly, thanks to Angelissa for starting the new thread and sharing your wonderful story with us. You are not intruding at all and please feel free to pop by and join in whenever you want. 

KL, I am so so sorry honey, sending you massive   . I totally understand your depseration and frustration at your recent bfn. Take a few days to hide under the duvet and get over it and then you can move on to this new cycle which brings new hope and hopefully your long awaited 2nd bfp!! I dont see any of my NCT group any more as shortly after having my DS almost everyone in the group started talking about ttc #2 and it really used to annoy and upset me how they would just assume that it would happen when they wanted it to. I just couldnt face all the pregnancy announcement and talk of ttc'ing. If you need to have some space from them you need to do whats best for you. 

Eeek Carter, getting closer!!! Cant believe your donor will be having EC next week!!!! 

Trin Trin, lovely to hear from you. How is the research into sperm banks going? 

Caro, how are you? 

Hi to the newbies, Moragob and MinM. Welcome both. 

Hello Ayah. 

Sorry its just a quickie from me. 

xxx


----------



## ayah

KL so sorry gor your bfn.    each bfn seems so much harder than the last and must be even harder after the mc.     .  

Hi all.  Sorry short post.  Getting a headach and cant concentrate.  All best

Ayah xxx


----------



## Anjelissa

Thank you PP , and thank you all for the warm welcome  

Angie x


----------



## caro8500

Hi everyone

Gosh this threads gone crazy in the last few days.

Hi to Morag and Angie. Good luck with your DE cycle Morag. Love your new thread Angie...the more positivity the better. Helps keep us going in the bad times. Like Carter I hope to add to it one day.

Carter...Not long now. Will the eggs be split between you and the donor? Bet you just can't wait for the egg collection now.

Trin..... liking the idea of 3rd time lucky. This next IVf will be my third...surely its the one for both of us.

KL...so sorry re your BFN. Its so frustrating and upsetting when doing exactly the same as that has worked before doesn't get the immediate same result, but hopefully its just a matter of time. xx. My cycle (which also used to be so regular) is now all over the place and seem to be struggling to pinpoint when I'm ovulating. Although I'm sure using the cheap ovulation sticks isn't helping. 

Hi to Ayah and Pen

AFM. Just waiting for AF. Depends when it arrives (Going away soon) to whether will cycle again in the next month or whether it will be Jan.


----------



## MiniM

Hi ladies 

Still trying to catch up with where everyone is up to.

KLconfused so sorry to hear that you got a BFN . Give yourself a few weeks away from your NCT friends and the baby chat I'm sure it will help. 

Carter - i think any infertility is difficult to deal with and secondary infertility has definitely come as a bit of a shock. It just makes me think that our DS is a total miracle to be honest and hope that we are blessed with another one! 

We have our follow up on Thursday but assuming they don't say trying again is pointless I think we will go again in January/February so maybe cycling at the same time as you Trin and Caro.


----------



## Carter4

Ladies I'm a wreck and was trying really hard not to post until I had got past this part. We had six eggies, of which five were mature. Tomorrow is fertilisation call, and I'm petrified DH's swimmers are going to fall short. Trying to keep the faith. If any of you see this, send some luck/prayers/positivity this way. I'm going a bit


----------



## Anjelissa

Thinking of you for tomorrow Carter   
The fertilisation call was always by far the worst part for me, so I'm thinking of you 
Lots and lots and lots of luck   

Angie x x


----------



## Carter4

Thanks Angie I'm going ever so slightly loopy this evening.......I'm that desperate for distraction I'm about to start watching 'The Only Way Is Ibiza'


----------



## Trin Trin

Evening everyone especially Carter!!

I have everything possible that I can cross crossed for you!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏 we all know how nerve racking the call tomorrow is. Come on let's keep up the positivity and positive thoughts....make no room or space for any negativity. One of those 5 eggs will be your much awaited baby and sibling!!!!

I'll be thinking of you xxxxxxxxxx😘


----------



## Carter4

Oh bless you Trin really appreciate those lovely words. I keep trying to tell myself the same xx


----------



## ayah

Oh Carter it really is emotiinal torture.  Hope that your managing to get some sleep.  Will pray for you and your family tonight that thus is your time.  That you are blessed with a wonderful healthy sibling and much wanted second child.     .  Hope the call comes early so your not left worrying all morning.  

Praying for blessihg for you all.

Ayah xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all! 

Carter, sorry I didnt reply to your post last night. I am hoping that you managed to get some sleep and that all the positive thoughts from everyone on here paid off!! I have everything crossed that you have had your fertilisation call and all is well. Please let us know how you got on. Thinking of you     

xxxxx


----------



## caro8500

Just seen your post Carter....really really hope it was good news for you? xxx


----------



## Carter4

Well we have three still going! Have mixed emotions about this, disappointment that we have so few numbers to play with, but relief that any fertilised at all. 2dt planned for tomorrow. As always here's hoping. Thanks ayah, Penelope and caro for posting support too xx


----------



## caro8500

Yay for 3. that's not bad going Carter. Will good to get them back on board i bet. Will they just put two back or do you get a choice of 3. All my fingers crossed that this is your time xx


----------



## ayah

Carter thats 60% fertlisation rate, which is good.  All best for tomorrow,  still praying this worjs for you

Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Only 2 allowed caro, I asked the same re 3 because obviously I don't want the third to perish if it doesn't make the grade required to be frozen. We are having a call in the morning before we go for transfer, to discuss grades and scenarios. That way we are all on the same page and no rushed decisions have been made x

ps You're right ayah, just wish we had got that % with a few more eggs to start with. Feel so utterly ungrateful to my donor, and I'm not at all!


----------



## Caz174

Evening ladies, I feel bad posting as it has been so long and feels like I got pregnant then left the group but I promise this hasn't been the case, I have popped by many a time to keep track and been keeping everything crossed for you. Have started many a reply then something has happened and never posted xx

The last few months have flown with us selling our house, buying a new house moving and then moving out again while the new house is done up ha ha xx

Carter honey congratulations on your fertilisation, 3 embies is great news and I am honestly praying for you that this is your time   You are not selfish by being disappointed with the number of eggs I know you are only guaranteed 4 and it's such a lottery but it's such an emotional journey xx sending you loads of         And     Xxxxx

Kl I am so sorry honey this really is such a horrendous journey   Xx

Hi to everyone else, hope your all ok, forgive me I'm trying to get up to date with your cycle stages xx

Penelope not long for you now hope pregnancy has treated you kindly

Take care all caz xxxx


----------



## Carter4

Oh my gosh Caz it is so lovely to hear from you. Don't worry about going awol, for whatever reason. We all use the forum in different ways.

Sounds like you have been mega busy, while carrying your twinnies, are you a glutton for punishment? 

Just noticed your DD, is that full term then, because if it is you have done ever so well cooking them! Just had a thought, you've not already given birth and forgotten to update your signature? 

I seem to recollect there was a health issue(?) with one, I hope this has remedied itself?

Thank you so much for the cheerleading. Hope it is sooner, rather than later before we all hear from you again


----------



## ayah

Caz so wonderful to hear from you!  Been a bit worried tbh so Im so hapoy you've just been busy.  Wow two house moves.  You must be shattered!  Not long at all, doesnt seem possible.  All best for birth.  Shame your not on my bfp due sept oct thread,  we have a ******** group, we could see pictures of our LO.  All so exciting!  Sorry rambling here,  fussy head.

Take care everyone.

Ayah xxx


----------



## caro8500

Great to hear from you Caz. can't believe you are due so soon!!! Hope the pregnancy has gone well...sounds like you've been super busy. 

Good luck Carter...I'm off on my Jollys so prob won't get chance to check for a few days so hope all goes well.

AFM. Af arrived..Scan this morn to check no sinister cysts or anything then should be good to start Down reg on day 21! Few hours at work, then Spain (and few days of sun) here we come.

xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning everyone! 

Hi Caz, so lovely to hear from you!! Wow you have been a busy bee with all that moving and you havent got long left go either!!! Are you having a natural birth?

Carter, great news about your 3 embies!! I know you are disapppointed not to have more but my clinic advised that 60% fertilisation rate is what they work towards so you have one really well. Wishing you all the best for your phone call in the morning and ET later on. Will be thinking of you. 

Caro, enjoy your hols!!! Great timing for AF, you can go away and relax now in preparation for your cycle when you get back!!!

Hi to everyone else. Hope you are all well? 

xxx


----------



## Anjelissa

Carter, that's brilliant news!   
3 are all you need (well actually 1 is all you need, so you have LOADS!!)  
I think if I recall I had 1, 2, then 3, so 3 seemed loads to me   

Lots of luck for ET, looking forward to your announcement that your PUPO!!! 

Angie x x

Ps......We have chickenpox in the house atm , little man had it 2 weeks ago, and little lady came down with it yesterday (so it followed the typical incubation period). Unfortunately though hers is about 3x worse, and you know what it's like, it always looks worse anyway when they are so little (she's not even 2 yet).
Oh well, it will then be 'done and dusted' and the methods we used with little man were very successful so we are chickenpox pros now 
Tbh, I'm astounded our little man got to aged 5 without catching it! 
Little lady is on her nap atm, so I'm pleased she actually went down, as she was exhausted bless her.

Have a good day all 

Angie x x x


----------



## Carter4

Oooh enjoy your jollys caro. Good to see the ball is rolling again, fx for you x

Penelope and Angie - Thanks again ladies. Angie hope you're not too run off your feet with the pox doing the rounds in your household. Hope your LO's aren't suffering too much. My DD hasn't had it yet! xx

AFM - I am pupo, with two grade 2 embies on board. One four cell and one six cell. The latter was starting to divide again, so may be a bit too fast. Our other one was a three cell, but still grade 2. Looks as if it may perish, as by time of transfer today my clinic would have expected it to be a four cell, which it was not. Using the embryoscope as well, it only scored 0.25 out of 1, whereas our other two scored 1 out of 1. All in all feeling positive. If memory serves me correct it is around day 4 that my optimism takes a nosedive ha ha.

Thanks again for all of the support xx

Ps Missing you KL and hoping you are as okay as you can be xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Congratulations on being pupo with two fantastic embies Carter!!! Keep up the positivity. I have everything crossed for you. When is your OTD? Don't worry if you don't want to share that.

Xxx


----------



## Carter4

Thanks Penelope, it's a minor miracle in itself, no mean feat getting to this point at all! I don't mind you asking about otd, it's the 26th, although we will test on the 24th. We tested two days early with my DD, so that's my reasoning. It's also a year to the day that we had our first failed fertilisation cycle, so let's see if the universe realigns itself to a more positive state, or whether it is particularly cruel!


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

It is a minor miracle, I agree. I think that people who don't have to go through this are oblivious to how much of a miracle conception is. I am hoping and praying fir a positive outcome for you this time my lovely. Roll on 2 weeks Friday!! 

Xxxxx


----------



## Anjelissa

YAY!!!       
That's brilliant news Carter 
Massive Congratulations! 
I hope the next 2 weeks go quickly for you.

Angie x


----------



## MiniM

Carter congratulations on being Pupo with two great embies. Fingers crossed this is your time.

Caz good luck with the arrival of your babies.

Caro hope the scan was ok and you can start again. Enjoy your jollys.

Angie sounds like you are coping well with chicken pox. We haven't had that joy yet and as I haven't had it I'm not looking forward to it.

We had our follow up yesterday and the consultant was quite positive. We are planning to try again in January. The clinic close for Christmas and we can't fit it in before Christmas. Also gives us time to try and improve egg quality etc to try and improve our embryo quality.  Have booked a holiday to Portugal going next Sunday so looking forward to that.

Hope you all have lovely weekends.


----------



## KLconfused

Carter - yippee the wonderful 2ww. How are you coping? 
Sorry I wasn't on here for the stress that is EC and then waiting for fertilisation etc. I know you said your disappointed to only have 3 embryos but it really only takes 1. You always hear of donors having loads of eggs but my friend had 30+ eggs from her donor and had 2 embryos and she now has a little boy. I have everything crossed your the next BFP on our thread 

hi to everyone else. Sorry for lack of personals - flying visit. 

Im back to peeing on a stick trying to detect ovulation which should be due next week. Donor says he can help. Just the usual worries about everything. I know im lucky to be able to try this way but I still feel so sad 

Sorry - on that cheery note im off to waterbabies. Positive vibes everyone. We need a few more BFP's on this thread before xmas


----------



## Carter4

Thanks as always ladies  

MiniM - Glad your review went well and a holiday sounds just the tonic. New year, new beginnings! 

KL - I'm coping okay (says she only two days in, ha ha). After recent cycles I'm just grateful to experience the head mess that is the 2ww! Don't worry about not being around, I just wanted to check that you was as alright as you can be. You're comment about being 'lucky' affected me, but only because it is so tough going for all of us in our own ways, and you must not feel bad for being able to try more often, it's still harsh whatever way you wrap it up. Praying no offence caused? Fx you hit lucky the second time again.

AFM - Find out tomorrow whether it is time to let our final embie perish, or whether it is suitable for freezing. Unlikely the latter as was only a six cell on Saturday, and my clinic would usually expect an eight cell, seven at a push. Oddly enough scoring a grade 2, but Caremaps indicating poor potential with low algorithm score. We are prepared, we've given it a good go, and really they hinted at letting it perish on Saturday, but I can be quite stubborn when need be


----------



## Becky1979

Hi there i am new to this forum and not sure it is the right one! As you can see from my profile (hopefully) we are trying again for a sibling for my little boy. After years off heartache and fails we were finally blessed with our little boy in 2011.

We have unexplained infertility which is annoying. Anyway after alot of thinking we decided to try again in Sep/Oct 2014. I decided to egg share as i know how much heartache infertility brings. After finding the injections a breeze they collected 11 eggs on EC.

I had 6 great eggs. I had a phone call the next day from the embryologist to say only 1 had fertilised! I was devastated! They call me for a 2dt. She seemed confident and it was a great embryo and was already nearly 5 cells.

I am now in the dreaded TWW!! Having acupuncture also to help me relax along with eating brazil nuts (read somewhere its helps). Im not holding out much hope but was wondering if anyone has had any success with a 2dt.

Sorry for rambling on xxx


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi Becky and welcome 
Yes you're definitely in the right place  
I just wanted to wish you lots of luck   and I hope your 2ww goes quickly 

Angie x


----------



## Becky1979

Hi anjelissa, thank you. Think I have OHSS as had terrible cramps and bloating, all in all feel pretty rubbish. 

I have already decided ill try again if this fails, not defeated yet lol xxx


----------



## Carter4

Hi Becky and Welcome  

That must have been very difficult for you to only get one egg fertilise, but from what you say, it sounds as if your embie was a strong one, so fx.

My DD is the result of a frozen 2dt, so they can and do work. I am currently in the 2ww too, and again due to numbers had a 2dt. I'm going ever so slightly stir crazy!

I'm on the Brazil nuts and pineapple as well, ha ha.

Has the suspected ohss stayed at bay?

Good luck, you just never know x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning ladies!

Welcome Becky and good luck for the 2ww.

Carter, hang on in there lovely, you're nearly at the end of the first week and you'll be in 1ww soon. Sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts.

Xxx


----------



## Carter4

Thanks Penelope xx

If any of you get a spare minute, don't suppose you can jot down some of your symptoms form the 2ww (if you had any that is). Also if any of the second time mummy's can say whether their successful 2ww's were similar, polar opposite, or somewhere in between.


----------



## Becky1979

Thanks carter4. It was like a slap in the face hearing only one fertilised but i am hoping and praying it sticks 😔. Great news to hear your DD was the result of a 2dt!!

My OHSS has calmed down a bit, although i was up in the night in agony again. I just feel bruised and have backache and cramps now. I had the most horrible sickness this morning and even wretched when feeding my cat! I am putting this down to cyclogest 😡.

Really hope we all get our BFP's. IVF and infertility seem to take over! Xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Carter - my symptoms with the second pregnancy were totally different from the first but then I had the miscarriage and I don't know if that's why. I think with my DD I just knew from a few days after a 3dt that it had worked. With the second pregnancy I had period pains and all of a sudden they just stopped a few days before period was due. That was the only symptom really. I know its horrible trying to feel symptoms. Im constantly trying to will my boobs to be sore or something. They say every pregnancy is different so if you don't have the same symptoms as the first don't worry it doesn't mean it wont be a BFP.

AFM im doing terrible. I still doing my OPK but its day 14 and I haven't ovulated. Ive seen my donor 3 times as I was expecting ovulation every day since day 10. He has had a terrible work week but has fitted me in where he can. Ive spent most of the week in tears. Im panicked now Im not going to ovulate this month and now im having a long cycle ill probably have short next month and it will go on and on. Im 40.5 now. Im finding the strain of relying on a private donor quite hard although my donors been great. Since the miscarriage ive had a long cycle (not sure how long but maybe 33 days but I didn't do OPK, then a 24 day cycle with ovulation day 10 and now a long cycle and I haven't ovulated at day 14. Is this because of the miscarriage or has my system packed up? How long would you all leave it before going back to a clinic? I feel im just torturing myself here trying to do this naturally without a husband who can help.  

Maybe I should be doing medicated IUI?? I know people say your more fertile after a miscarriage but I think im just totally messed up!


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all!!

Carter, I know its easier said than done lovely but try not to symptom spot, as KL said each pregnancy is different and even if you have no symptoms at all it doesn’t mean the worst. The drugs can often cause side effects as well which can confuse matters. I didn’t really have any symptoms with either 2ww. With this pregnancy I did have a bit of queasiness in the 1ww but that could well have been the cyclogest and I suffer with mild OHSS with every cycle so normally feel quite unwell after EC anyway. I hope you’re not going too loopy!!! 

KL, I’m no expert but cycles are probably distorted due to miscarriage but you could always go back to clinic to get things checked out to put your mind at rest. Maybe they could just check your AMH level for you or you could discuss medicated IUI cycles as an alternative?  I haven’t heard that you are more fertile after a miscarriage but as I said I am by no means an expert in this area. Try not to be too hard on yourself, stress can take its toll on cycle length, I know when we were trying naturally (before we knew we had problems) we were using OPK’s and if I got stressed about something it would more often than not take its toll on my cycle and OV would be later. Sending you big hugs. 

I hope everyone else is ok? Becky, hoping you are doing ok in your 2ww too? 

I was wondering if I should leave this thread now as really don’t want to upset anyone by posting here. I wont take offence if people would like me to leave. Please let me know.  

xxxx


----------



## KLconfused

Well my donor has been in touch this afternoon and he cant help me this weekend as he is in Europe for work. So this month has been a waste  
I think im going to ask my donor to go to a clinic and donate and ill do medicated donor IUI through the clinic from now on. Im so aware that we wasted over a year trying naturally and then another year deciding what to do when we found out about hubbies problem. Just don't want to waste yet more time, each month feels like it could be the last now


----------



## caro8500

Hey Guys

KL...sorry you are having such a rubbish time. Hopefully the decision to go with IUI will make things a little easier if your Donor is away a lot with work. Hard to know if the miscarriage is causing the long cycle. I've noticed that I have a long one after failed IVF (around 35 days) but don't know if that is normal either. Awfully frustrating to feel like an opportunity has been missed but maybe gives your body another month to recover. xx

carter...Hope you are bearing up ok. Symptoms seem to differ so much from person to person its hard to compare. Impossible not to analyse every little thing though. Bracing myself to go through it all again. Are you taking it easy or getting on with life as normal? I'm going to struggle to take time off work this time but don't know if that's a bad thing as less time to stress I suppose. 

Penelope....I for one would miss hearing how you are doing and the support and advice you give if you were to leave, but not 

Hi to Becky....I had mild OHSS after first cycle and was led to believe it was a good sign. Fingers crossed and hope you aren't going too crazy 

Hope everyone else doing ok?

AFM. Couple of bad days with insensitive comments that have upset me. Including from a good friend who upon talking about how difficult i'm finding things said that 'i'm overlooking the fact that i have a baby and some people don't have that'. ...I was totally gobsmacked at lack of understanding and stunned that to others, maybe I'm viewed as not being grateful enough for my DS when he is my whole world, and selfish for wanting another


----------



## Trin Trin

Evening everyone!!

This TTC is such a roller coaster!!

Welcome Becky, you've definitely come to the right thread for support. We've all got varying experiences and now at different stages but we all have one thing in common....trying for another!!

Carter - I have no clue what to day about symptoms as everyone is different and each pregnancy is never really the same. I remember asking in my 1st cycle about knowing if its worked etc and I'm sure it was Caz and someone else saying they just knew.. I've only ever felt that I knew it had worked with my FET cycle. Withy daughter I thought I was coming on and my 1st miscarriage too. I don't think I get real symptoms so early but I'm sure the meds play with my mind. It's harder said than done but try not to symptom spot....well not too long to go. Fingers crossed my lovely x

Klconfused - Sorry to hear your cycle is playing up and that your donor has to go away. Great idea about donating at the clinic at least that way the sperm will be there when you need it. Don't give up hope and think about the past and the time you've spent trying. Many women on here are conceiving over 40. I still think the fact you conceived naturally recently is still such a positive achievement. 

Pene - I have no problem with you still being part of this thread. Although baby is on the way you've been where we are and no exactly how we feel.

Caro - when do you think you'll be starting again? Before or after Christmas? Sorry about the inconsiderate comments. Why do people find it so hard to understand that we have the right like any other fertile couple to want another. Yes I accept that some women have not been able to conceive at all. Of course we sympathise but it doesn't alter are wants and desires

AFM - I resigned to the fact that I'll be cycling again in January. The sperm banks just didn't have the sperm I needed. US ones did but the shipping costs are so expensive. Made me think like Denmark and the US and the European sperm bank, where the sperm cost is affordable - why doesn't London or England have something similar?

I have a review appointment at the clinic on 21st Oct to see when I can start etc. more than likely January as I can't risk my 40th birthday being spoilt in December if the cycle was to be a failure. It could equally be the best birthday ever but I don't want to chance it. The nurse mentioned a short cycle could get me on b4 but I don't know the pros and cons etc. all will be discussed at the appointment. I've just been busy with the new house etc

Hope I haven't missed anyone. Oh glad to hear from Caz and Ayah xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Lol apologies just read my post and there's so many typos and sentences that don't make sense. Think its a sign that I need to go to bed!!


----------



## Carter4

Hi ladies - Did any of you have an implantation bleed?  

Will try and read back and post later. Hugs to any of you that need them xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

No but read that this can be a good sign🙏


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

No I didn't either but know of people that did x


----------



## caro8500

Trin....| should be starting down regulating at end of the month. Drugs ordered and ready to go! Should work out that I find out around my Birthday (yours must be in December too?) . Like you said could be the best birthday present ever (fingers crossed) . Just didn't want to leave it until Jan with all the work stuff going on (otherwise I would have been tempted to). Least you can relax and enjoy your Birthday and then you'll be raring to go in the new year. 

Carter. I didn't get any spotting but also know some people who have. Hope you ok x


----------



## Becky1979

Hi everyone hope you all are good!

Im 6dp2dt and going mad lol. I started with AF cramps earlier, i never cramp for a period so really not sure? Also my (.)(.) are sore but that could be cyclogest. Least my salt craving has calmed down lol

I have my blood test on Friday, so hoping this one little 2 day embie has stuck 😔 xxx


----------



## Carter4

Well I've not long tested ladies and it's a BFP. Bit of a double edged sword as I am bleeding too. It's very early so I may have caught a chemical, but I just needed to know that I wasn't going crazy with all the symptoms I have been experiencing. Please send some   for my two P's, will share pet names if we get further. If I wasn't bleeding I might be able to relax just a smidge. Love to all xx

Ps - Good luck for Friday Becky
Pps - I really will try and read back, but admittedly lacking concentration, sorry!


----------



## caro8500

FANTASTIC news Carter!! Praying that it (they) stick     . Lots of people have some bleeding early on but it understandably must be driving you a bit crazy. When is your official test date. Sending you lots of    xx


----------



## Carter4

Thanks caro, otd not until the 26th, I'm only 9dp2dt!!!


----------



## Becky1979

Fantastic news carter, congratulations!! 😀😀xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Carter how exciting!!! I know its early but sending sticky positive vibes hoping the positive stays this way 🙏🙏🙏 x


----------



## Anjelissa

I just wanted to pop in to say congratulations to Carter  , that's wonderful news! 
Sending you lots of positive vibes, hang in there little mini Carters    

Lots of luck Becky   

Angie x x x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Just a quickie from me to say massive congratulations to you on your bfp!!!! Praying that they stick. I had bleeding early on both pregnancies and was told this is more common in Ivf pregnancies. Looking forward to hearing the embryos pet names when you are ready to share them with us!!!

Quick hi to everyone else xxxx


----------



## Carter4

Thanks Becky, Trin, Angie, and Penelope   I think the bleeding may have been IB, at least I am certainly hoping this is the case. Anyway no more today, and I tested again at lunchtime and the positive came up quick, so fx.

KL - I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling. I hope you can find a way forward that helps you get your much deserved bfp. I should imagine monthly testing is quite hard going. Okay yes more chances, but also less time to switch off. Perhaps use this month to regroup and then try again. It's all you can do at the end of the day. Big cuddles though. 

Penelope - Don't you dare leave this thread young lady. I for one would miss your presence. At least see your time on here through to the end. Once your newest addition arrives your hand may be forced. We can all come looking for you on the thread Angie set up  . 

caro - Curse you friend's insensitive comment. It annoys the hell out of me. I had similar after my first negative following on from DD's birth. It was suggested I be grateful for one, as we have a DF in common that has none, this also coming from a friend who was six months pregnant with her second! Good luck for when you start your cycle, fingers tightly crossed this is your time.

Trin - Good luck with your review tomorrow. I've only ever done the long protocol so can't feedback re shorter cycle. Let us know what they say.

ayah I hope motherhood is treating you well second time around?

Caz not long now until you have your precious bundles with you.

Becky hope you are coping okay, and bring home another bfp for this thread.

Xxxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Another quickie from me just to say great news that the bleeding has stopped carter. Perhaps it could be twins if pregnancy test is showing so strongly so early?!?!? I'll try and post properly tomorrow when I'm on work and have more time!! 

Xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Oh Carter I'm thrilled and so pleased for you


----------



## Becky1979

Hope everyones ok! So glad the bleedings stopped carter and i wish you a healthy 9 months 😀.

I feel better today, AF pains have gone?? Not sure if thats good or bad? Still so bloated and have found comfort in leggings! Other thing is i have broke out all over my chin, i look like a spotty teenager 😁.

Just feeling so impatient, promised DH i wouldnt test and i would wait until fridays blood test. 

Currently 7dp2dt and going insane 😩.

Sending positive baby vibes to everyone!!!!!! Xxx


----------



## tina321

Hello Ladies,

I hope it is ok to join you and I am hoping you can help me out.

I had a failed 3 embies IVF transfer back in August   I was disappointed but motivated to start again...

As my stimulation was in July, I wanted to start another stim this month/October.
At the beginning of September, after the BNF I stopped my meds (progesterone and patch). I got my period 2 days later but 10 days late from my regular cycle.  I bleed for about 8 days heavily which was normal from what I was told... usually I bleed last only 3-5 days and had always has a 28 days cycle.

I am on Levothyroxine 50 for hight TSH  and Dostinex for high prolactine

Now my period have disappeared... I am even 2 weeks late and I am losing hope.

Has anyone ever had this issue 

Please give me your feedback.... I am very very worried.

Much Love


----------



## Becky1979

Hi tina321 welcome to the board. So sorry to hear your not having a good time. Im not sure what to suggest, hopefully someone on here can relate to what your going through. 

Im not feeling confident at all today, had the most horrible night sweat i was soaked (sorry tmi). I am in general now feeling HOT. More spots on chin too. I dont remember this in my last cycles bit it was 4 years ago. My FET was natural and i got pregnant with my DS. My fresh ivf was ectopic and i felt awful due to the drugs. 

Are night sweats normal

Hope everyone has a lovely day!! Xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all,

Becky, try to keep your chin up as every cycle and pregnancy is different so even though you didnt experience this last time doesnt mean it hasnt worked. I remeber being quite hot throughout last IVF cycle and I have remained like it through pregnancy. Sending you big  .

Welcome Tina, I'm sorry I dont have any answers to your questions but someone else might. 

Trin Trin, good news about cycling in Jan. You can take this time to relax and enjoy Christmas and then start your cycle in the new year. 

Caro, not long for you to go to get started!! Eeek!!!Wishing you all the best. 

Carter, how are you today my lovely? Keep up those positive vibes. I am so pleased for you, you must be over the moon if not feeling a little cautious at the same time!! 

KL, how are you? Have you contacted your donor and clinic to suggest IUI? 

Hi to anyone else Ive missed. Sending eveyone big big  

xxxx


----------



## Becky1979

Thanks penelope pitstop, still trying to stay positive. I know i was drenched in sweat during early hours but i was cold at the same time. I keep feeling hot and then im covered in goosebumps! Strange. (.)(.) are sore but thats the cyclogest. Also have terrible wind so sorry tmi!! Especially in the evening, trapped wind is a killer.

I must think positive, i must think positive 😔 xxx


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi Tina and welcome 

I'm so sorry to hear of your recent bfn 

I just wanted to say, have you tried also posting your question on the general IVF support board?
You may find there's slightly more traffic there, and hopefully someone will be able to offer advice.

Angie x x


----------



## tina321

Hello ladies...

Becky -- For your weird Hot Flashes, you can try drinking a glass of water with 2 tea spoons of Raw Organic Apple Vinegar with mother such as Braggs, if you can find it. You can also make a drink with garden sage 9 hot water and leaves, then let it seat ... just like tea.... Dink that in the morning and evening ... it worked for me ! Look on YouTube for more recipes !

I still have few period like cramps time to time which is giving me some hopes.
I did some blood test today ...I am not sure if all is ok but hope to told to my docs tomorrow:

- Oestradiol 122 pg/mL
- Progesterone 6,24 ng/mL
- TSH 2,16 mUI/L
- T4L 8,46 ng/L

Have a great evening 

Bisous


----------



## Carter4

Thanks Penelope - It has crossed our minds that it might be twins. From a soppy point of view we would love this, but oh my days, how tiring. Staying in an optimistic frame of mind, and presuming this pregnancy continues, I can't wait to find out! Still testing positive, and only a really tiny amount of pink spotting yesterday, so fx.

Trin - Thanks again........how did your review go yesterday?

Becky - Thank you so much. Are you managing to hold off using a hpt? I had a solitary night sweat, so personally see this as a good sign for you. On my DD 's cycle I had one evening of flu like symptoms, so again I hope this is a positive sign for you. Hope your pma mantra is doing the trick!

tina - Hi and welcome. Like the other ladies here have said, I'm afraid I do not know the answer, but agree with angie's suggestion of getting your query out to a wider audience.good luck with your results tomorrow.


----------



## Becky1979

Thanks tina321 i may try that, although my night sweat last night wasnt as bad, felt warm today!

Im holding up just ok I think Carter4, i promised the hubby i wouldnt POAS! I have my test friday so this time in 48hrs ill know either way. I find out at 1.30pmish and I have a meeting at work at bang on same time 😢. Going to speak to my boss tomorrow! 

Already planning next round of ivf. I feel so so grateful for my little boy, i always wondered if i was being greedy 😔. I suppose i had always imagined id have 2 kids. Im not defeated yet!!! I have loads of friends who have had their second and third babies, and people always ask me when im having another! Frustrating.

This may sound horrid for me to say but since my friend has had more children i barely see her, for some reason the coffee mornings just stopped. She stopped texting etc. made me feel like rubbish really.

Sorry for the moan ladies, not yet cried and feel hormonal as hell (im never this bad). Must slap myself and get a grip.

Off to give my little one lots of cuddles 😊 xxx


----------



## caro8500

Just a quick one to say hang on in there Becky...not long now. Its not being greedy why wouldn't we want another marvelous miracle. x

Carter...sooo glad you're still positive. Keep wanting to check in to make sure all ok with you x

Been looking at some videos of DS this evening when he was a baby, starting to crawl/walk etc. We've been looking round schools this week as he will be starting reception next September...I can't believe how quick the times gone. Just pray I get to do it all again.


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Welcome Tina, sorry to hear what you're going through. As others have suggested it may be worth checking other threads to see if anyone can share their experiences.

Becky - not long now and no you're not greedy!!!! Its every woman's right to want and yearn for another. Wanting more doesn't make us ungrateful and not thankful for what we have. Hoping that Fridays test is POSITIVE.

Carter - excited and thrilled for you!!!!! Praying for a healthy months🙏

Glad to hear from you Caro, yes my birthday is December 20th my big 40. Me and my girlfriends are going to Egypt Dec 12 for 3 days, I'll be packing my meds lol. When is yours?

Pene - not long for you to go.....bet your soooo excited!!

Klconfused - hope you're okay xx

AFM had my follow up appointment yesterday. Basically my previous cycles have all gone to plan, said for my age I produce more than the expected woman of my age produces, responded well to drugs etc. embryos I produced were of good quality and grade but both ended in biochemical pregnancies:-( Said for my age the quality does
start to decline which could be the cause of the miscarriages. Said we could change and mix the meds using gonal f and hg something....doesn't recommend short protocol as my egg reserve is good. Just praying its 3rd time lucky!! 

Going to start when my period is due on 29 November, where I'll start taking the pill on day 2. So not long to go. I'll be fully drugged up for my birthday:-0
Thinking of taking additional supplements.... Has anyone done that. I'll start taking pregnacare again but wondering of any of you took anything else?

Well on that note I'm going to bed😴 

X


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi all,

Just a quickie from me to say good luck to Becky for testing this afternoon (am I right in saying you will have already tested??!)

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all ok? 

xxxxx


----------



## Becky1979

Hi everyone just to let you know i got a BFP bit it is a low positive and beta is only 11 😞. I have to go back next Friday for another blood test, whole week!!

From past experience im not hopeful. Last time it ended in ectopic. Just praying it is just a late implanter!  Feel devastated 😪 xx


----------



## Carter4

Hey Becky fx, did your clinic indicate the potential of your embie progressing, or were they non-committal? We'll all be willing your beta hcg to be progressing as it should be by next week. Don't envy you the wait. I said to my DH how am I going to cope waiting for a scan. Obviously no choice in the matter, but will probably be ready for the funny farm by the end of it! 

Right then your instructions are as follows, feet up, your LO will have to have some  naughty/treat TV time (needs must), move around hourly, wee, cuppa etc. DH on cooking duty. 

Something is trying to happen and apart from your soul taking a bit of a battering what have you got to lose giving it your best shot for this next week......oh and plenty of laughing (get those comedies on). 

Good luck xx 

Back soon everyone xxxx


----------



## Becky1979

Hi just to update ive phoned clinic and requested a repeat blood on Monday, they have noticed that they have tested a day early and I shouldnt have been in until tomorrow! Not sure this would make much difference though. 

When is your scan carter4? 

I need to stay positive, not cried yet which im shocked at! 

I hate betas!! If it was 'normal' pregnancy we wouldnt have bloods done! Xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Becky, tentative congrats on bfp. Try and stay positive as even a day can make all the difference with hg levels and they have tested you early. Well done for requesting repeat test mon, at least you only have to wait the weekend now. 

Xxx


----------



## Becky1979

Thankyou penelope pitstop, staying cautious. I currently have cramping so not sure if thats good or bad.

I really dont want another ectopic, last time it ended up being an emergency op as I was internally bleeding and my tube had ruptured. 

I just wish I could shout it from the rooftops that im pregnant 😔 xxx


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi Becky, congratulations on your bfp and lots and lots of luck for your tests on Monday  
I can imagine how long this weekend will feel, I hope it passes quicker that you expect 
x x x


----------



## Carter4

No scan booked yet Becky. I have to wait until Monday to ring my clinic, and then I will know. I am guessing around mid-November. When will yours roughly be? Betas aren't routinely offered where I am undergoing tx. I also had a lot of cramping, but actually took if as a good sign, since I don't suffer with them on a normal monthly cycle. Good luck for Monday and last but not least   on your  xx


----------



## Carter4

caro thinks for keeping an eye on me, it means a lot, especially in these early nail biting days! YOU WILL get to do it again hun.

Trin - Thank you for your kind words. Do you go to Sharm El Sheik (sp?) or somewhere else? I   this is your time. I need me some bump buddies  , bit too late to tag onto Penelope. 

Bet you are so ready to meet your little man now Penelope?

Caz is it your EDD today? 

ayah hope you and your LO's are all good?

angie thanks for cheering us all on.

KL - (((((hugs))))))) being sent across the cyberwaves while you decide on your next move.


----------



## Carter4

Doh forgot about me........so........still testing   on hpt and braved a cbd yesterday evening and got 2-3 weeks, so that made me feel a bit better. It has been my nemesis in the past  . As from today, raving hunger, so another good sign, ooooh please stay put little emb(ies) xxx


----------



## ayah

Hi ladies,

Sorry been so long posting.  Finding it hard to keep up with my ff's.  So thrilled for your bfp Carter.  Will mjd november here soon for you so you cansee your LO (s) .  

Backy hope the bloods are positively positive on monday.  Congratulations on the early bfp.

Pen wow just 5 weeks!  You all packed and ready to go?  

Kl hope your picking up.  Remeber how strong you are. Many people find it all too hard and need to stop but youve kept going.  

Tina sorry you are hete but welcome.

Cant remeber who said about feeling greedy for wanting a second child but please dont.  You have every right to want more.  I now wont a third.  Like crazy broody!  Wondering if its like a mdnaporse thing when women greeve over loosing thier fertility. Despite not wanting more children?  I would have liked three if i could do this having baby thing, the simple way.  But after 13 years Ive not got the strength and age is against me.  So anyway.  Dont feel bad for wanting 2.  Got my ds2 and 6 weeks in desprate for 3rd!  But that might be cos we wont be trying again.

All best to you all.  So pray all works out.  Sure I'll be popping onnow and again to see how you are but things bit hard here right now so wont get much of a chance.  Lost my nan today. 

Take care all

Ayah xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all,

Ayah lovely here from you. I'm so sorry to read that you lost your nan yesterday.  My thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time. Big hugs. 

I know exactly what you mean about bring crazyily broody for more children.  After my Ds was born I was desperate for #2,  and since being pregnant again I want #3!!!

Carter,  great news on testing with CBD and the hunger, all really positive  signs. 

Becky, as carter says the cramping can be a good sign so hang on I'm there.

Hope everyone else is ok?

Afm, it's my little boys 2nd birthday today!!! Don't know where the time has gone. Just waiting for him to wake up so we can open presents in bed!!!

Carter, I am ready to meet my other little man now but not very organised about it!! Will be packing hosp bag this weekend though as have hit the 5 week mark

Xxx


----------



## Becky1979

Hi everyone thanks for your positive vibes. Im trying to stay positive but this waiting game is torture, waiting for another blood test seems worse than the 2ww! Im not sure when id have a scan carter4, i suppose it depends on levels on monday and next week.

Dont feel anything at all, no symptoms at all. Im trying to not read too much into this as I didnt feel anything with DS until around 7 weeks.

It was me ayah who mentioned feeling greedy about another child. Must stop thinking like that, we all deserve to have babies, its what us women do! If this goes wrong ill be doing it again as soon as I can. My DS would absolutely love a sibling. 

Praying for a miracle that my beta has quadrupled xxx


----------



## tina321

Hello Girls ...

Congrats to the BFP !!

Just a little update.. I finally got my period and did the blood test and scan.
All should be ok for me to start stimulation next Tuesday.

Thanks you all again for the support

Bisoux


----------



## Dolphins

Hi girls, can I join you?

This is my 4th cycle of IVF treatment with ICSI, but my first FET after having a successful 3rd cycle last year.  However, my son was born 11 weeks early, after having a emergency section and thus a very traumatic birth.  Saying that though! I am finally ready to try treatment again, for a sibling for my son, and a longed for full term pregnancy, anyway I am now on day 11 of my treatment, and are on tablets at the moment, but awaiting for my scan on Monday.  Anyone else got scan's on Monday?

I am so wanting and hoping to get pregnant again, but I am also scared of having another premature baby, even worse still having a stillborn baby, or even miscarriage, that it would be nice to get some support on here, as you are the only people who will understand, or who will understand infertility anyhow.  Hopefully I will hear from you very soon. 

xx


----------



## jennyes2011

Hello - please can I join too?

Just finished 4th ICSI and 2nd cycle (first was a FET) since our DD was born, and my AF has started today so looking like a BFN  We were successful on our 3rd fresh transfer after 2 ICSIs and a FET. So this was my 6th cycle in all. We have male factor issues too.

I always have the same reaction to a BFN heartbreak quickly followed by utter determination to start a new cycle!

Dolphin - nice to meet you. The whole process is so scary especially when you've been through it before but we know its worth it. I want a second one as much as I wanted the first  

Jenny x


----------



## caro8500

Hi All

Sorry but just need a really good rant before I explode!!! So my drugs were meant to be delivered today to start down reg on weds. I had a time slot between 8am-1pm from Healthcare at home. so stayed in and waited and waited. No show. Got a voicemail on my mobile at 2.55pm (didn't get to answer it in time) saying I need to call about my delivery...tried to call on number left it went to extention number, said I couldn't leave a message and then ended the call. Managed to find an alternative number on the internet. Rang...They haven't been able to do my delivery today (she doesn't know why) they knew about it first thing this morning (but didn't ring me till 2.55pm!!) she says earliest then can deliver will be tuesday (not open sundays, full for deliveries monday!!). This would mean delivering to my work and storing in works fridge (so everyone knows about it) also sounds like no guarantee of tuesday delivery either. I  just completely lost the plot. Asked her did she realise how important this is, that I meant to be starting my ivf and if I don't it will be january before I can do so again. I have already paid them £500 for the drugs. She's going to get the IVF manager to ring me back on monday as no one I could talk to today. I'm absolutely fuming. really could do without all the stress that could have a negative impact on my cycle too. When I've looked them up on the web they get really bad reviews and apparently don't even respond to complaints. How can they get away with this. So stressed actually wanting to have a glass of wine which obviously I'm avoiding at the moment. Sorry for rant just had to get it off my chest! 

Sorry no personals will try catch up later when a little calmer!!


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## Penelope Pitstop

Caro that's awful! I had a similar experience with them during our last cycle. They were supposed to deliver on a fri and hubby had rescheduled his diary so he would be at home to accept delivery and they rang later morning to say they wouldn't be able to deliver as they'd left my order off the van by accident, she even laughed at this point!! I work full time and my husband works away most of the week so I was fuming and complained as I'd already paid and they offered another delivery date that wasn't convenient. It did get resolved in the end but I could've done without the stress. Maybe have some choc to help calm you down, next best thing to wine?!?!? Xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Welcome to Jenny & Dolphins 

ayah.....I'm so sorry to hear of your sad news, love and best wishes to you and your family 

Caro...I'm not surprised you are annoyed, you could so do without the extra stress at the start of your cycle! 
I hope it's sorted Tues, and that you manage to think of a cover story at work for the box in the fridge 
Happy Birthday to Master-PP   I hope he had a fab day 

More good luck wishes and positive vibes to those of you needing them atm, and there's quite a few of you now   

Angie x x x


----------



## jennyes2011

Caro - Sorry to hear you are having such a nightmare with Healthcare at Home. I've had some trouble with it myself when they missed out the buserelin off the delivery. I was lucky as the clinic had given me a bottle of buserelin. Is there any chance you can get a prescription from the clinic for a small amount of the drugs just to tide you over while arranging Healthcare at home redelivery? 

Jenny x


----------



## ayah

Thank you for the condolances ladies.

Caro Im speechless with healthcare at homes attitude!  I didnt have any issues except a arrogant driver.  I did complain but no idea if they followed it up.  I would complain to your clinic.  Healthcare at home will loss thier contract if clinics get lots of complaints or better still  thier paying clinents threaten to go another clinic who dont use them.  Thing is healthcare at home have a coshy number.  They dont need to respond to comokaints as they still get the contract from clinics.

Dolphins and Jenny welcome.  Congrats on your 1st DS / DD , sorry for your recent bfn's.  I pray your next cycles end with happy healthy term babies.  

Angie you cant keep away either   . The ladies here are so great I cant keep away either.  Guess Im a stslker now really.  I'll try do a post for the success story thread soon.  Please PM me to nag me if I dont do it.  Momory very bad at moment.  Yesterday took ds2 to clinic where he'd had his circumsition last saturday.  OH took him in whikst I parked.  When I got in they werent there so went to reception and when they asked my sons date of birth I gave a combination of ds1 and ds2!  Worst thing was when another recption it noticed I was giving wrong year and said it was 2014, I gave her a funny look and thought  " where she got 2014 from?    really!  Felt right plonker.  

I forgot to thank you all for your support through my difficult times.  Wheather I get to post or nit you will be in be prayers.  All best to you all.

Ayah xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning,

Sorry, no personals this morning just wanted to wish Becky good luck for her blood test today. Praying those levels have more than quadrupled!!


----------



## Becky1979

Hi to the newbies and welcome to the board.

Thank you penelope pitstop. I had my repeat blood test earlier, just now nervously waiting results. Praying its not ectopic, i keep getting twinges in my left side but trying to ignore it.

Feel an emotional wreck and finally broke down last night. I think ive held it back as dont want my little one seeing me upset.

Ill keep you posted. Never prayed so hard! Xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Becky, 
Got everything crossed for you. The twinges are perfectly normal but can understand why you are nervous given your past experience. when will they contact you with the results? Hope they dont keep you waiting too long. 

Caro, im hoping you have sorted out your delivery with Healthcare. 

Carter, how are you feeling? Have you rung the clinic to book an early scan?

Sorry, Im in work so only another quick one from me again. 

Hi to the newbies and to everyone else. 

xxx


----------



## Carter4

Becky fx!

Can't seem to get a minute to myself, so welcome jenny and Dolphins. 

Promise I will be back with a more comprehensive post.

caro don't get me started on HCH, dreadful service!

Oh and scan booked for 11/11, eeek and eeeep!


----------



## Becky1979

Hi just thought I would report that its not great news, my levels have gone to 3, she said it implanted but has/is coming away, im to stop all meds and expect to miscarry within next few days.

Feel absolutely devastated. This was the first egg share I had done, couldnt have gone more wrong for me. Ill get over this and try again.

Thank you for all the support it has helped me. I wish everyone sticky positive vibes!!!! Xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Oh Becky I am truly gutted for you. Sending you big   . Take it easy and take some time to look after yourself. Lots of cuddles with LO me thinks. This IVF rollercoaster is so unfair at times. Thinking of you. 

xxxxx


----------



## KLconfused

Becky - so sorry that you didn't get a great result this morning. Sounds like your a strong lady and you will be able to try again  

Carter OMG BFP WOW! congrats congrats congrats. Im so excited for you. Cant wait to know if its twins or not. I think your mad wanting twins or you have a lot more energy than me 

Ayah - so sorry to hear of your loss   Don't worry if you cant join us much. I know im very much looking forward to putting infertility into a box under the bed and never looking at it again once I reach the end of whatever road im on. 

Caro - sorry to hear about the drugs. The stress wont make any difference to success though so don't let that worry you more! I was probably in the worst shape emotionally and physically when I conceived and the other 3 times i was in tip top shape and nothing. Deep breath and chocolate as has been mentioned 

Jenny - so sorry to hear of your BFN. They just never get any easier. 

Dolphins - how was your scan?

Sorry if Ive missed anyone. 

well I posted mid last cycle didn't I. What an absolute mind mess that was. It turns out it didn't matter that my donor couldn't help as I never ovulated according to my OPK. Its the 3rd month after the miscarriage but I did ovulate the month before so I don't see why it would be due to the MC but since then the cycles have been all over the place. Ive booked an appointment to see my GP in 10 days. Im not expecting much from that. Ive very nearly had enough. Im seriously thinking about adoption but the very intrusive process puts me off. Im also worried that they will say somethings wrong with DD. I know there isn't but im worried about inviting people in to investigate us. Agghh. But I want more children and this is getting too hard. I met a lovely lady the other day who adopted a daughter from china and they are wonderful together. It got me thinking. Anyway my plan is to try naturally for 2 months (if I ovulate) with my donor then go for medicated IUI at a clinic with my donor in Jan. Ill go for further tests if the GP refers me. Im not saying no to donor eggs yet as im really not sure but im trying to put that away for now as I have a few years to do that. Ive gone over and over what I really want and I really want a child with my donor conceived by AI using no drugs and no clinics. Like I had really but without the MC. So that's what im going to keep aiming for unless the GP tells me that will never work. I got pregnant second month of trying in June, but because I had a MC does that mean the eggs are all rubbish and only rubbish ones will be produced or none at all. Or was it a good sign I have eggs. Im sick of thinking about it to be honest 

Good news though I have a new dog!! woohoo. His name is BAsil and he has come from Croatia and ive had him 3 days. He is great so far. I am beside myself with excitement at having a  new dog I can do agility with (my last 2 have died as pups (epilepsy an disc disease) and 1 has  got health problems so cant do it - a great last 5 years with IVF and dealing with them!). Im terrified of getting a new dog incase it goes wrong like the others but time to move on and give it a go


----------



## Trin Trin

Just a quick post to Becky.....so sorry to hear the levels have dropped:-( I know how devastating this is. This TTC journey really gets me cross. It's just unfair:-( take the time you need and once healed I'm sure you'll have the strength to continue x

Klconfused - lovely to hear from you!

Carter - I'm just so excited for you. Can't wait to hear how the scan goes in November🙏

Caro - hope the delivery of the drugs runs smoothly this week.

I'll do more personals soon. Welcome newbies too))


----------



## Dolphins

"Thank you" for the lovely welcome ladies.  xx

My scan went well today.     My endometrial lining is 7.5 mm, and it needs to be over 7 mm apparently to be on track for ET.  Therefore my ET is scheduled now for next Monday - 3rd Nov. 2014.  It now make's it more real and scary, but exciting as well.  In a week's time I'll be on my 2WW!!!!  

I also have to start on my injections (Prontogest) on Thurs. and to continue on my tablets that I am currently taking 3 x daily.  A FET is soooooooo! different from a fresh cycle.  However, I am still getting awful side effects from the drugs (sadly that NEVER changes!) mainly, nausea, vomiting, headaches and dizziness.

Anyhow Becky, I am so sorry to hear about your bad news, lots of     and take care of yourself.  I hope you find the strength to start again when "you" are ready, much love. x

Bye for now.

xx


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## Anjelissa

Becky, I'm so sorry to hear your news, thinking of you, lots of love and hugs  x x

Ayah...yep, I try/plan to stay away as much as poss' , but often there's news that I can't help but acknowledge, good and bad.
I must try harder though as I often end up being on FF longer than I should 
I hope things get easier for you soon 

Angie x x


----------



## Carter4

Right going to try my hardest to catch up on this thread before the gap gets too big....

Becky - Oh curse it, I was so hopeful for you. I really hope next time is the one for you. Take care x

ayah - So very sorry to read about your nan x

Penelope - Did you get your hospital bag packed? I was terrible first time around and when I was being admitted for pre eclampsia at 38 1/2 weeks, DH had to rush around chucking everything in. Think even at that point I was still in denial about the impending birth! Happy belated birthday to your DS. Hope a lovely time was had by all? x

tina - Good luck with starting your stimms tomorrow x

Hi Dolphins - We're all at different stages on this thread, but feel free to stick around for support. 11 weeks early must have been ultra scary at the time, and I can see why you would need to psyche yourself up for an attempt at a sibling for your LO. Fab news on your lining though, and good luck for your ET next week x

penny - Sorry you have had to endure another crappy bfn. Lady after my own heart with the utter determination, but don't underestimate the toll it takes. I'm pretty sure I am done whatever the outcome of my recent bfp (#7 for me and I had to use DE's in the end, which I hasten to add I am 100% okay with now) x

caro - You've reminded me I must complain about HCH to my clinic, I threatened them with it as much at the time. Informed them they would lose their contract if enough complaints rolled in. Long story short, end of delivery slot came and went, rang them, dealt with an obnoxious lady who clearly didn't give two hoots. Some cock n bull story about a big crash, said I would google as everything is updated, only a minor clang, and miraculously drugs with me within 15 mins! Did they get back to you today? x

KL - Thanks........that is what put me off adoption too, but even had I been prepared for the intrusiveness, DH was very against, and I'm not sure I could have persuaded him. Sounds as if you have a concrete plan, so as always fx. Hope your new doggy settles in well x

Trin - Keep those   coming x

Angie - You're one of the gang now 

AFM - Fretting about my disappearing symptoms, but then know they can come in waves, so here's hoping. Hit a wall with tiredness today, so fx, and a couple of days ago I had to have a 30 min nap. Unheard of for me, since I hate day time napping.


----------



## Anjelissa

Carter4 said:


> Angie - You're one of the gang now


Nope...I'm running away to hide back in the shadows now 
I know....who am I trying to kid?  

As for disappearing symptoms, as tiredness is one of the biggest ones, your symptoms are very much still there, the little mini-Carters are getting their Mummy used to tiredness in preparation for when they arrive  
I've never been pregnant but I've travelled the long road through fertility treatment and beyond, so can imagine that it's only natural and totally expected to be more worried at various stages of your pregnancy than those who haven't experienced the same struggle 
I'm looking forward to hearing whether you're having a mini-carter or mini-carter*s*? 

Angie x x


----------



## Carter4

Oh Angie thank you so much, you are one wise lady and you have helped me to feel heaps better   xx


----------



## MiniM

Morning all

We've just got back from a week in a Portugal and I'm trying to catch up with everyone's news - there seems to have been lots of it! Our holiday was great- the weather was glorious and the villa complex had everything you could want with a toddler would definitely recommend it (beach, pools, park, large grass area etc) and was a perfect tonic after our unsuccessful cycle.

Becky - so sorry for your news. Look after yourself for the next few weeks and have lots of cuddles with your little one - they are a good distraction. You sound like you already know that you will try again so when you are ready focus on that too.

Ayah - sorry for your loss.

Caro - hope you managed to sort out your HAH nightmare. I don't have any experience of them but they sound awful. 

Carter - wow congratulations amazing news!! Look forward to hearing whether you have twins in there.

Penelope - not sure when your due date is but hope you are resting as much as is possible with a 2 year old which I know isn't much!

Dolphin and Jenny - welcome. Jenny I hope this cycle is successful for you. Dolphin our little boy was prem too - born at 31+6 by emcs after my waters broke at 31 weeks so know exactly how you feel worrying that it might happen again. We just have to hope it doesn't and would be high risk a second time so checked more regularly. I'm just trying to focus on the getting pregnant again first.

KL Confused - glad you have a plan for the next few months and fingers crossed that it works for you. Are you taking Co enzyme 10 (ubiquinol) - our consultant and the nutritionist we saw recommended it for egg quality if you are concerned about that though you need to take it for 3 months to tie in with egg production cycle.

Trin Trin - not long until you start again now. Re your supplements question apart from the above I know that they think there is a link between vitamin d levels and fertility so perhaps that. Also omega 3 is meant to be good to calm immunes. I think there is a comprehensive thread on supplements by a lady called Angelbump. 

Afm - we saw the nutritionist Melanie Brown before our holiday and she made lots of suggestions to try and help with egg quality and to calm down the inflammation from my endo so planning to try and follow her instructions for the next couple of months to hopefully improve our chances when we cycle again in Jan/Feb.


----------



## Becky1979

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I am just trying to keep busy. 

Started spotting today so ill expect full on within next day or two. Been signed off work until next week. Just feel numb.

Ill get over it but I suppose it takes time. Seeing the consultant on Thursday morning for a follow up appt! See where we go next xxx


----------



## Carter4

MiniM - So sorry for missing you off my previous post..........your holiday does sound just the tonic. Thanks for the congrats. One of my friends has just had EC, her best cycle yet, in terms of quantity, maturity and fertilisation. Tomorrow she starts to hear about grades. She swears the difference is down to flaxseed and or protein shakes. Perhaps you could consider this or run it past Melanie. Never know, maybe it will be one of her suggestions!

Becky this road we all find ourselves on is so difficult. That's a quick appointment though, so hopefully you will come away feeling a bit more optimistic for the future. Good luck.

AFM - Tiredness still here, and tested 3+ on cbd!


----------



## caro8500

Hi

Well finally got my Drugs. After promises they would be delivered when I got home from work yesterday, which never happened, Many phone calls later I finally got them delivered to work at 4.50pm today just before we closed! I'm going to make a formal complaint but at least I've got them to start tomorrow thank goodness. 

Becky..really sorry about what you are going through. You're review appointment seems pretty quick but might give you something to focus on. Take care

Trin...my birthday's on 10th December. would be amazing to celebrate with a great big BFP. Its funny 2 of my best friends have got engaged recently and have planned their weddings for next year, I'm hoping this is a good sign as when my other 2 best friends had their hen do's and got married 4 years ago... I was pregnant for both of them. It would be nice to get a full house! As for supplements I'm just taking pregnacare but would be open to any suggestions about anything else that may help.

Jenny..welcome and thanks for you're advice, the clinic were really helpful and would have tried to get me an emergency px sorted if I'd  needed one. Did I read right in that you are going to use a different clinic for you're next cycle?

Dolphins...welcome to you too. Hope your cycle is going ok. When will transfer take place?

KL...easy to drive ourselves crazy trying to make logical sense of whats happened and trying to work out what means what. None of it seems logical to me or to make any sense. Yet its so hard not to let it go round and round in our heads. Hope you manage to get some switch off time....maybe with your new doggie, love the name by the way. 

Ayah. Really sorry to hear about your nan. Hope all is going well with both your Ds's. Sounds like you have drawn a line in the sand about trying for anymore children. Think that's such a hard and emotive decision to make no matter how many children we have. 

Mini M...your holiday sounds fab. All ready to work toward another cycle next year. Would be really interested in hearing any top tips, particularly around endo calming!  

Carter...so pleased all going so well. Makes me smile whenever I think about it and helps me stay positive.  

Pen...How are you feeling, exhausted or still plodding along ok. 

Hi to Angie

Hope I haven't missed anyone out


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## Carter4

That really was a shoddy service provided by HCH caro. Makes me mad on your behalf, silly, silly people (polite version)!

Good luck with your first DR injection  

AFM - The dreaded spotting has returned, as from this morning!


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## Penelope Pitstop

Caro, hope you kicked some serious butt!! That's disgraceful service from Hch!!  Hope you have managed to relax a little now you have the drugs and your first injection went ok? 

Carter, hang on in there, I know spotting is scary but it's not necessarily a bad sign, it could just be the little carters burrowing in a bit more!! I've had it with both pregnancies. I was petrified every time but I've been told it's very common in Ivf pregnancies. Call the clinic they may suggest increasing your cyclogest.

Mini  m glad  your holiday went well and you have a plan in place to prepare for your next cycle in the new year.

Becky, good luck for follow up appt tomorrow .

Hi to everyone else.

Xxx


----------



## caro8500

OMG could things get any worse. Feel like everything is conspiring against me doing this cycle. So went to clinic today and they said when did you last have a smear, ...I'm just due one...well we can't start my treatment until you've had one and we've got results.WHAT why was this not said to me last time I went (in fact I don't ever remember them mentioning smears before) so after much upset, they agreed to start down reg, get smear done ASAP results in 2 weeks if all ok can start stims (If not will have to delay). So after trying to get  appt for smear at doc's they can only get me in fri lunchtime (pretty much impossible with work) so after brain wave I ring round sexual health clinics and find one not too far that do smears. Sorry for TMI now but...I  go along get it done then nurse says to me she's concerned about how much I bled during this ( and cause I've bled like once or twice after sex), have I ever had a colposcopy... er no I've never had an abnormal smear so never needed to. She thinks she'd like to send me for one...really? I could really do without this when just about to start IVF!! so I explain situation and she says it may just be cause I'm due my period (day 21) but at least would like my GP/IVF consultant to 'check my cervix' after I've had my period but wait to get results of smear first. So now I'm freaking out that If I tell the clinic there's no way there gunna let me go ahead with the IVF. Hard to gauge whether she's just being over cautious and I kind of but all the bleeding stuff down to endometriosis . really don't know what to do now. I'm I destined not to cycle again 

Carter...hope that pesky spotting stops for you hun xx


----------



## caro8500

thinking about it they were banging on about my lining at clinic today looking good (think they said 7.5 but not 100% sure) would this mean I'm nearing AF and therefore more likely to bleed in smear (although I've always  bled after smear )


----------



## MiniM

Carter - thank you for the suggestions. The nutritionist has actually told me to add a spoon of ground flaxseed to my cereal each day and to make sure I have protein at every meal! I hope the spotting eases off today and that it is nothing to worry about . Call your clinic as PP suggested and see what they say.

Caro what a nightmare you are having as if the drug stress wasn't enough. I hope you have written/ are going to write a complaint about that.

Re the smear sorry I don't know if you are more likely to bleed if your period is due. I usually bleed a little too. I also used to get a bit of bleeding after sex before my lap and hysto in Feb and was definitely endo related. Re calming the endo nutritionist has suggested broadly endo diet (no gluten which I was doing, virtually no dairy etc and a few other things) and quite a few supplements. Will let you know how it goes.

Hi to everyone else x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all!

Caro, what a complete nightmare you are having you poor things. I dont really know about bleeding following a smear as Ive never had it but it would make sense if your lining was thick when the clinic checked and if your AF is due soon. 

Carter, hope the spotting has stopped. 

xxxx


----------



## Dolphins

Two words: Injections today.   xx


----------



## Dolphins

Cor blimey that was a painful first injection! OUCH!!!!!!!!

Anyway! I have felt tearful for most of the day today, and I don't remember feeling like this for my previous cycles.  However I am on HRT tablets for this FET cycle, so my hormones are probably all over the place.

Anyway, "goodnight ladies."

xx


----------



## caro8500

Just a quickie

Dolphins....don't the injections seem to get harder, they seemed like a breeze with the first cycle but hate them now. Hot flushes kicked in already too.

Thanks mini me...I'n glad I'm not the only one with the bleeding with the smear. 

Hey Carter you've been quiet. Hope all ok x

Hi to everyone else 

Hi to everyone else


----------



## Dolphins

Caro8500 - yes, I do think that the injections get harder as you go on, esp. when you have to have them in your butt like I do with the Prontegest, as I am having them instead of pessaries.  I have also had one or two hot flushes, but I am constantly feeling sick at the moment.  

My fiance has booked and paid for a spa day for me for tomorrow, so I am "really" looking forward to it.   And then it's Monday, and I'll be PUPO. I am really looking forward to being PUPO   but "not" looking forward to the dreaded 2WW again, but I am sure I will get the right support from you guys!  

I have got one key question to ask you guys though before I go and it's: did any of you still lift and carry your child/ren straight after ET, or did you wait a few days/weeks?  Answers on a postcard please lol!

Bye for now.

Will update you all after ET on Monday.  

Bye for now.

xx


----------



## Carter4

Hi Guys

Penelope - I keep telling myself the same, that my embies are digging in deep for the long haul, that and "oh my god this is all going to go wrong", (meant to be a bit tongue in cheek, but not too far from the truth)! I did have spotting in my DD's cycle but it evolved slightly differently, so finding it worrisome regardless. Rang the clinic and nurse was or etty blasé if I'm honest, just to carry on until scan.

MiniM - Hope the nutritional changes you are making today, reap the benefits down the line!

Dolphins - Hope your injections get less painful. Ooh just read you are having the intramuscular ones, ouchie indeed! Enjoy your spa day tomorrow, perfect relaxation before your ET. Re lifting LO, I avoided for the first couple of days, (DH was on his days off), but then after that it was pretty much back to normal, perhaps slightly less often, and when I did short and sweet, but then I remember a couple of times, thinking it was better to keep hold of my DD rather than faff about picking her up and down. Having said that, it only happened 2-3 times max because i would panic that I might be doing some damage. After that amazing waffle, just accept that you will still be doing it, just try shorter times and a little less often if you can. Right I'm going to shut up now.

caro - Poor show from your clinic, re your smear. Not to turn you into a moaning minnie, but I would be complaining about that at a later date. As for the jobs worth nurse you encountered I'm pretty convinced it's the stage in your monthly cycle that has given you the headache. They always say mid cycle, but because you was up against it you had no choice. How utterly frustrating for you! You're just getting all the crap done and out of the way now, ready for your clean slate and bfp.

AFM - First episode of ms this morning. It was very short lived, which involved one good retch, but no follow through. Had breakfast felt better, two hours later quite queasy, grabbed some brazil nuts, felt better, then at some point grabbed some sugar snaps to take the edge off. All promising I suppose, but being a half empty glass kind of girl, I'm thinking no where near as bad as last time, and no tiredness today. Arrrrgghhhh I'll drive you all insane as well as myself.

Love to everyone else xxxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Afternoon all,

Carter, I know that 'oh its all going to go wrong' feeling!! I am a glass half empty girl myself so always look on the negative side first!! The spotting on my cycle with LO was also different to my spotting this time and even if it had been exactly the same I still dont think it would have reassure me in anyway. I found that the first time round I had spotting the clinic were so supportive and even called me in for an early early scan however this time around I found they were blase with me so I rang the EPU at our hospital who told me Id have to go through GP to get a referral for a scan. When I spoke to the on call GP she basically told me it sounded like I was having an early MC and to just go to a&e so they could 'sort it out'!!!! I think the MS is a def a good sign even if the tiredness has gone (for now!). Hang on in there you only have 9 days to go until your scan!!!

Caro and Dolphins, hope the injections are getting better with time? Dolphins, hope you had a good spa day and ET goes well tomorrow for you. 

Hi to everyone else. Hope you are all well and enjoying the weekend? 

xxx


----------



## Carter4

Dolphins - Hope your ET has gone well?

caro - Fx this is a better week for you!

Penelope - What a rotten/tactless gp you had to deal with. No wonder you disappeared on us for a while back in those early days. Well my ms is picking up speed (bleurgh), and I'm utterly shattered (yay) what a weirdo eh?!

xxxx


----------



## L_ouise

Hey ladies 

I was just wondering if this is an active cycling thread or if it's more a long term buddy thread?

I'm cycling soon hopefully but you all seem to be at different stages so I don't know whether to tag along or start a new thread? xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi Louise,

It's more of a long-term buddy thread, but a few of the lovely ladies of the thread happen to be cycling at the same time 

You are very welcome to tag along here, join one of the general current cycle buddy threads (link below), or start an additional thread on this board if you like (or all three options ) 
You'll notice there's been a few newcomers to the thread lately, so you're not the only one 

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=68.0

Lots of luck  

Angie x


----------



## Becky1979

Hi everyone hope everyones doing ok!! I had my consultation last thurs after my early miscarriage. They say i cannot egg share again as it may have been my eggs 😞. Have to also wait 3 months to try again 😡.

Really not sure if to fork out £3500 for full IVF. Ive felt so down about it all. Would love a sibling for my son but when do you call it a day, havent exactly got a money tree. 

I have given adoption some thought, just so unsure about everything.

Xxx


----------



## Dolphins

Thanks for the goodwill messages Carter and Penelope Pitstop.   xx

Yes, "I am now officially PUPO."  The transfer went really well this morning, and my embie didn't suffer at all in the thawing out process. We have even got a photo of it as a souvenir.   

My OTD is on the 14th Nov. 14, which is only 11 days away, so not too long to be on the dreaded 2WW.  I love being PUPO, but I don't like waiting, although I have always been patient and waited until OTD to test.  I just have to keep myself busy, but somehow I can't imagine not being, with a 1 yr old.          lots of babydust to me.

Becky - Try and give yourself some time to process your early miscarriage, as I had a early miscarriage with my 1st cycle of tx.  and it take's a while to get over, so look after yourself.    .  Time will also give you a chance to think about "where you go from here", and I do hope you find the answer to your next step.  Positive vibes to you. xx  

A warm welcome to L_ouise   why not come and join us, we are all lovely and friendly women on this thread, and I am sure everyone will make you very "welcome." xx

Speak to you all soon.

 xx


----------



## Anjelissa

I just want to send hugs to Becky 
As Dolphins just said, give yourself time to look after you atm as that's the most important thing right now 
The way forward will become clearer after you've had time to process.
When you come to the point of deciding the next road to take, and if you do start to research adoption please feel free to ask me anything you want if you think it may help 

Lots of love Angie x x


----------



## Anjelissa

Congratulations on being PUPO Dolphins, lots and lots of luck   

Angie x x


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi all

Just a quick welcome to the newbies!!

Dolphins glad to hear they all thawed well. That's the good thing about FET the 2ww isn't as long!! Fingers crossed!

Carter - YAY morning sickness!!!!!!!! I know there's a few newbies on here now but I'm thrilled with your pregnancy....just Caro, Klconfused and me left then its a full house!! I know me and Klconfused had our BFP this year but sadly lost our bean:-( but your leading the way right now for the 40 year olds I joined this thread in January and you've given me hope again and excited to start again the end of this month with my next cycle!!

Caro - I'm hoping you've for used to the injections again and having a smoother week than last week.

Pene - any day for you now to meet your baby boy


----------



## caro8500

Hi All

Becky...sorry to hear you're consultation wasn't so good. As for knowing when to draw the line...I have no idea. We always said we'd only do 2 further cycles but here i am on number 3 and already decided we'll do a 4th if this doesn't work. Think that will have to be it then though as the money really will have more than run out. Trying not to think too far ahead though and stay super positive for this cycle. We've ruled out the adoption route. DH doesn't want to and to be honest he's not nearly as driven as me to have a second but would like a sibling for DS, so that's that. Good to keep you're options open though and although 3 months feels like an age away now it will fly but gives you some time to work out your next step. 

Dolphins...congrats on being PUPO. Glad transfer went to plan. Think you'll deffo be distracted by your 1 year old....much better than sitting around worrying. fingers crossed

Carter...Glad you are feeling sick (in the nicest way possible way  lol!) Hope you're not going to crazy with the waiting.

Pen...eekk!, Didn't realise it was so soon. How are you finding the later stages of pregnancy. I could hardly move by the end !

Welcome Louise...Think Trin is cycling again Jan so you might not be on your own

Trin...thanks, feeling much better about things this week. Got my positive head on and feeling quite excited too. I predict this will last until my first stim scan when I find out there are not that many follicles growing, but expect this now and know it doesn't necessarily mean I won't get any good quality eggs. 

KL. Hope you are doing ok? 

x


----------



## L_ouise

Thanks for the replies 

All the best to you all whatever stage you're at. I'll check back in when I get into it, not nailed down the dates quite yet xx


----------



## ayah

Welcome Louise.  Just wanted to add we're a place for you to share your lows or highs of so dearly wanting a sibling, no matter what stage your at.  It can be hard for others to get the depth of feeling we have to give our amazing lLOs a sibling.  Here noone thinks your ungrateful but also you wont inadvertanty hurt those still despratly trying for thier first.

We are all still here at various stages cos we genuinly care about each other and want us all to reach our goal.  Old timers or newbees!  

Sorry got to go ds2 is full of cold and needing my full attention.  Hi everyone and  best wishes!

Ayah xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Afternoon all,

Welcome Louise. Look forward to hearing from you when you have confirmed your cycle dates. 

Caro, glad you are feeling slightly calmer and more relaxed. Keep that positive head on!!! Do you know when your first stimms scan will be? 

Dolphin, congratualtions on being PUPO. The 2ww (or 11 days as it is for you) will be over before you know it as you will be so busy looking after LO!!! Fingers crossed. 

Trin Trin, not long to go for you now and you will be cycling again. How exciting! 

Great news on the MS Carter!! Woo hoo!!! On a serious note, I hope you arent feeling too poorly with it. 

Becky, as the other ladies have said 3 months, although it seems ages away it will be here in no time but understand your frustration at having to wait now that you have made the decision to go again. However, the 3 months will give your body time to recover from the cycle and prepare for the next one. Full IVF is costly and it is hard to know when to stop treatment. I dont think anyone has the answer to this apart from you and OH. Perhaps you could look into adoption whilst considering another cycle? I know youre not supposed to but I do know of people that have cycled whilst going through the adoption process to keep their options open!! Do you have access to a counsellor that you can discuss your options with? 

Sorry if I've missed anyone. 

Yes, not long to go for me now! Its my last week in work, which I'm glad of . This may sound daft but it still doesnt feel very real and I am still anxious that everything is going to go wrong so will be relieved when our little man is with us.  

xxxxxxxx


----------



## Becky1979

Hi everyone. Thank you for all your kind words. Me and OH will make a decision, although he says its up to me really.

I want to try again, if i didnt i would regret it. I started new protein shake diet yesterday, im not losing weight just getting super healthy. Protein and flaxseed. Also going to Holland and Barrett for some vitamins. Im trying everything now!

Im looking forward to xmas with my DS, he gets me through everyday. I feel so lucky to have him &#128525;. Xxx

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Afternoon all,

Just wondering how everyone is doing as its pretty quiet on her at the moment. 

xxxx


----------



## KLconfused

Hi Pen and all, How are you doing pen as you cant have long left now?

I hope everyone else is doing well. 
Becky - I too am thinking about how long I carry on for, it is a form of torture. 40 was my cut off but im 40.5 and not ready to stop yet. Ive been thinking about adoption but the process scares me and I think its different when you already have a LO to consider. Its such a personal thing knowing when to stop but I think you will know when you get there. I wouldn't have dreamed of stopping 6 months ago but now I am much more resigned to it. 

Carter - im so excited for you for your scan next week. Your an inspiration to me and I keep thinking about donor eggs  Im sooooo happy for you. 

AFM ive ovulated this month - woohoo! Completely freaked out last month as its the first time ive ever been aware of not ovulating. Went to the GP she says its normal after the miscarriage etc etc  and has booked me in for a day 21 bloodtest next Friday. She said depending on the results depends whether I will get referred to a clinic. 
My donor did manage to see me twice including yesterday when I was at peak on my OPK but it wasn't easy, very late nights as he is working away. He is totally amazing but the GP said stress is a huge impacter on fertility and every month im stressed about everything but also about whether my donor will be available. It might be worth going to a clinic then I haven't got the worry about whether my donor will even be able to try. I looked at ARGC as their success rates seem good but the cost -OMG even with my own donor sperm IUI was ridiculous. Anyway im in a 2ww effectively at the moment. Not holding much hope. Kind of thinking I should just get to a clinic but ill see what the bloods say next week and go from there. In the meantime im comfort eating like crazy and enjoying my brand new dog who is lovely


----------



## Carter4

Well KL after such a lovely thing to say to me, I'm afraid I post with negative news ladies. The bleeding is gradually getting worse and is bright red now, along with drops in the toilet, so I think it may be over before we have even got started


----------



## Trin Trin

Oh no😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢

I'm so sorry to hear this Carter. I really hope it isn't the end....I have heard of women bleeding and they continue with a healthy pregnancy. What I did which I must admit panicked me more was taking another digital test. For me the indicator went down to 1-2 weeks which is when I feared the worse. Are you able to have a scan? Are you 6 weeks now, I can't remember how far you are.

I'm sure Pene had heavy bleeding with this pregnancy. Pene - can you offer any encouragement?

Sorry for know personals just wanted to offer some support to Carter.

Thinking of you my love🙏🙏 x


----------



## Carter4

Ah bless you Trin, thanks for the speedy reply. My scan is booked for this Tuesday, by which time I will be 6w6d. Going to hold out because at least at the moment I can have some faint glimmer of hope, but come Tuesday we really will know one way or the other. I feel racked with guilt for hoping I may just be losing one rather than both. Jeez it's enough to send you to the funny farm!

Ps I got 3+ on cbd two days after otd, so haven't tested again since!
Pps The bloating is ridiculous I feel as if I may truly pop!


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Carter, I'm praying that this isn't the end for you my lovely. Have you contacted your clinic? Can they offer you an early scan or increase your cyclogest? Trin Trin is right, I did have bleeding and to begin with it was fresh blood caused by a haematoma in the womb. I know quite a few women who have bled during the first 12 weeks and have gone on to have healthy pregnancies (Ivf and natural). I was told to increase my cyclogest to 3 a day until the bleeding stopped.  Sending you lots and lots of hugs.  

Kl, nice to hear from you. Good luck for your 2ww &. I hope your 21 day bloods give you some answers. Sounds like your donor is amazing however,  I agree that using a clinic may be less stressful for you. 

Hi to everyone else. 

Xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

P.s 
Carter, how are the symptoms? Bloating is a good sign.


----------



## Carter4

.......boobs still tender, bowels unpleasantly loose, and need to go several times in the morning. Still experiencing tiredness, but ms seems to have disappeared although I did retch once today, and hunger until this evening has been crazy. Just this blasted bleeding there seems to be no abatement, and it is gradually getting worse. Can't shake that the meds are holding something back. Did ring clinic on Thursday, but was encouraged to hold out for Tuesday. Probably could have wangled a scan on Friday, but would have incurred it's own set of stresses with childcare, and DH's work so tried to dig deep, but my resolve is faltering as the blood increases! Cheers Penelope xx


----------



## Trin Trin

I was thinking perhaps you're losing one but didn't want to say :-( getting 3+ a few days ago is good. Pene had bleeding and look she's about to give birth shortly!! I'll have everything crossed for you for Tuesday and pray the scan shows if not two but one flickering healthy heartbeat/s 🙏 x

Hi everyone else and apologies for the lack of personals.

Klconfused lovely to hear you ovulated and had two meets with the donor)


----------



## Carter4

Thanks ever so Trin, here's hoping xx

Going to be ever so distracted for the next few days so will endeavour to get some personals done soon(ish).

KL just know that despite my predicament I am willing you on during your current 2ww.

xx


----------



## KLconfused

Carter,  so sorry your having a worrying time. A close friend of mine had donor eggs and she only had 1 embryo put back in and she had 2 massive bleeds early on. Epu said miscarriage and sent her home so she went to her clinic in London as an emergency and both times baby was fine and he is now 14 weeks old and gorgeous. She had bright blood and lumps as well.  Tuesday seems an age away  especially when your on knicker watch so try to have a family day out tomorrow to distract you. My fingers and toes are crossed  for you.


----------



## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

Thank you Penelope P for wishing me luck on my transfer.   I am now 5dpt 6dt and this waiting game feel's like torture, but only another 6 days to go now, so not long now!  I have been feeling really sick again since Wednesday, and have had shooting stabbing pains in my abdomen, I am just hoping that it's implantation pains. 

Carter - I am so sorry that you are bleeding, but this doesn't neccesarily mean the end, in fact it could be just the beginning, for example I bled and had abdominal pains for the first few weeks of my pregnancy with my son, and we thought that we was losing him, and so did my sonographer at the clinic, but we didn't.  Unfortunately though!  I did have him 11 wks early due to no fault of my own, and nearly lost him twice, but the fact is, that he is still here, and he is our little 'miracle baby.'  I would show you a photo of him on here, but I have tried, and it won't let me, has anyone else had any problems with putting a profile photograph on here, and changing their signature?  If so, how was it rectified?

Tuesday, seems a while longer still to wait Carter, but try and remember that bleeding doesn't necessary mean the end, it still must be torture for you, many hugs and positive vibes to you.        

Bye for now.

xx


----------



## caro8500

Carter. Sorry to hear about the bleeding. Jeez why does this have to be so blinkin difficult. As if its not worrying enough just waiting for the scan. Hope the positive stories posted by the others will keep you going. I'm still really hopeful that this will all work out for you and will be thinking about you loads. x


----------



## ayah

Carterso sorry about the bleeding.  If the strength needed to go through IF tx was physical we'd be built like body builders!  We had several ladies havebleeds until about 14 weeks in some caseson our bfp thread.  Andnow the babies are here.  

Hi everyone else

Ayah xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Carter,  I hope that mine and the other ladies posts have been able to give you a small amount of reassurance? I'm hoping that tues is here in a flash and that you get to see at least one little heartbeat my lovely.  

Thinking of you 
Xxxxx


----------



## MiniM

Carter so sorry to hear what you are going through. Really hope that the symptoms you still have are a sign that everything is ok and that the bleeding doesn't mean the worst.  Wishing the time away until your scan so that you know what is going on. Big hugs x x

KLconfused your donor sounds amazing and so helpful - what a nice man! Fingers crossed it works this time.  I'm sure you would find a clinic less stressful ifrom a timing perspective if you decide to go down that route. We did a monitoring cycle at ARGC  and they are expensive but it's because they test constantly. 

Dolphins hope you aren't going too mad in your 2ww. Fingers crossed for a bfp.

Hi everyone else x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Good luck for your scan tomorrow carter. I will be thinking of you. Can't wait to hear your good news about how many heartbeats you were able to see!! 

Xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Good luck tomorrow Carter🙏🙏 x


----------



## Dolphins

Good luck Carter.          

xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Lots of luck for tomorrow Carter  
Thinking of you 

Angie x x x


----------



## MiniM

Thinking of you today Carter and hoping you have some good news x


----------



## Carter4

TWINS ladies it's TWINS!!!!!!

Thanks for all the good luck messages xx

Have got to rush off out to pick my DD up from nursery, so will pop back later with more details. 

Thanks again xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Wonderfully news🎉🎉🎉🎉 I'm actually crying with joy!!!! Fabulous absolutely fabulous🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉


----------



## janieh

I've only just spotted this topic. As you can see from my signature we've already got a daughter, aged 2 and 3 months, who was conceived after 3 IVF cycles. I'm at the end of my 3rd cycle since having Caitlin to get a sibling. This has been the hardest cycle yet as I'm probably going to miscarry but we still don't know. 

I'm currently on 21 dpo. However, our HCG tests have been low and slow rising. 1st test on 14 dpo was 56, then 16 dpo it was 78 (only 40% increase) and then yesterday 20 dpo just 128. That's equivalent to a 30% increase over 2 days so it's not looking good. Also, I had strong symptoms for the 1st few days and they've pretty much gone now. So I'm not hopeful. The doctor said to keep taking the progesterone and wait for the scan which they've brought forward a little to next Thursday (6+2). She said there's always a chance unless the bloods start actually falling. Though I'm considering getting another HCG to see if I have any more information before the weekend as this weekend was torture! 

Anyway, just thought I'd say hello. And congratulations to Carter! that's amazing news. 
Jx


----------



## Anjelissa

Oh Wow! Carter that's such wonderful news!  
Massive Congratulations!  

Welcome janieh  and lots of luck 

Angie x x


----------



## __oc__

Fantastic news Carter


----------



## MiniM

Wow Carter amazing news! You must be so relieved/excited after the last week.

Hi Janieh hope there is good news for you too soon.

x x


----------



## caro8500

OMG....totally thrilled for you carter! Twins wow how fantastic. Take it everythings looking ok. Can't wait to hear more xx


----------



## Caz174

Carter oh my goodness you have made me breakdown I am beyond happy for you honey, you deserve this so so much xxxx what an epic and amazing journey you are beginning xx  

I stopped by a few times and saw your positive but could only view as a guest but got it sorted and am so pleased to be able to add my massive congratulations     Xxx

Wishing you a trouble free and enjoyable pregnancy gorgeous xxx

Ps my twin boys arrived via elective section at 38.5 weeks on 29/10/2014 Jack weighed in at 7lb 10oz and Will weighed in at 7lb 6oz both are little angels xxx

Pps ignore the horrified looks some people will give you when they find out it's twins it's the most amazing gift and although busy it's not much harder than having one I promise   I am feeding both boys myself and still getting 6ish hours of broken sleep   will try and keep in touch as much as poss xxx

Hi to everyone else sorry to post and run but it's feeding time at the zoo .....,

Penelope not long now hope you and everyone else is doing well   Xx


----------



## caro8500

Caz....how lovely to hear from you. Many congratulations on your twin boys. Fantastic to get to 38.5 weeks and for them to be such a good weight! and feeding them yourself as well. You sound super busy but super happy too. So very pleased for you.

All this positive news is giving me lots of hope and loving all the good vibes 

xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Caz!!! Congrats on your healthy baby boys!! Fabulous weights for twins.....yes they are an amazing gift

Caro and Klconfused I'm hoping we can add to the positive vibes happening on here too soon.

Pene not long for you now xxx


----------



## Dolphins

And me!!!!!!! I need some positive vibes too, as it's my test day on Friday, and I really do need some positive news.         As I have had a bad day today with our son.   

Due to his prematurity, we have to take him for follow up appts. at the hospital every 2 months, mostly for phsio. and O.T. appts. but every 6 mths he has to see the paediatrician.  Well! We had an appt. today with the physio. and O.T. and basically they are pleased with how is gross motor skills are doing, as he is now starting to stretch up for things, and has now started to crawl, but he is behind with his social and behavioural skills, as he taps with his feet, flaps, and shakes his head quite vigourously, as well as not responding to his name alot of the time, and not keeping eye contact all the time.  We ourselves, have been concerned about this for some time, but it is only now that the staff have confirmed our fears, as they told us by about 1 yr adj. age (when he should have been born) they would have expected this to stop, but it hasn't.  Therefore after New Year, we have to go and see them at the hosp. more frequently for them to have the chance to monitor him more closely.  However, they did say after close monitoring they would expect him to improve, but if he doesn't then he would have to be seen by the peadiatrician sooner, as it may be a sign of something else.   The staff have told us not to worry too much about it, but truth be known, we have been concerned about it for a while now, and you do worry! My partner has been googling it, and he has been worrying himself sick.  I have told him to stop, but he won't.

Anyway!  Good luck ladies.       

And it's just fabulous news Carter, just the best news.  It sound's like it as all worked out for you, congratulations, DOUBLY congratulations girl.                   

Bye for now.

xx


----------



## MiniM

Caz congratulations on your boys - fantastic you got to 38.5 weeks with twins and that they were such great weights. Hope you are enjoying every minute. 

Dolphins - wishing you lots of luck for Friday and hoping for some positive news for you.

It is natural to worry when you think your little boy isn't developing as quickly as he should be but try and focus on the fact that you are in the best hands and he is being closely monitored so that they can help him along.  We found the developmental physio that we saw  to be excellent and I'm sure with more frequent appointments they will be able to make a difference.  Our little boy is a bit older than yours (2 1/2) he was slow to walk at over 18 months but  has picked up talking really well.  They continue to adjust for prematurity  until at least their 2 year check.

x


----------



## Dolphins

Thanks minim, but they have said this behaviour should have stopped by now, and yes that's why he has an adjusted age, and he will have unti 2 or 3 yrs of age, but thanks fo your lovely comments.    xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi everyone,

Wow lots going on...don't know where to start. 

Carter, congratulations on your scan!! Bet you are over the moon. 

Caz, lovely to hear from you and great news on the arrival of Jack and Will. 

Good luck for Friday dolphins. I'm sorry you are having a worrying time of it with your little man but as minim said, you care in good hands. 

Caro, how are you getting on?

Trim trin, are you due to start treatment at the end of the month? 

Hi to Janieh and hoping that those hcg levels rise. 

Kl, how are you doing? 

I'm sure I've missed someone but this thread is getting quite big now so apologies if I have left anyone out. 

Afm, yes, not long to go! I have finished work now so trying to take it a little bit easy whilst also trying to work my way through a long list of chores!! 

I'm thinking may drop off a little bit as there are lots of news faces starting on their journey for a sibling and it doesn't feel right being here anymore. Will keep popping by from time to time to see how you're all getting on and of course I will post with news of my arrival if you want me too. Thank you for all the support you've given me and I wish you all the very best of luck.
Xxxx


----------



## Anjelissa

PP 
Although when this was mentioned before, everyone responded that they didn't want you to go, I can also see it from your side and how much you want to be supportive and sensitive to all here 
You are an amazing bunch and so supportive and encouraging, you've all been through so much together and it'd be such a shame to see any of you drift away for fear of upsetting each other  

Ladies.....would you like me to start up a separate chat thread (in addition to this one) where those of you who have finally achieved another miracle can chat freely without feeling you are being insensitive or worrying about causing upset?

Totally up to you, but like many areas of FF where there are members at totally different stages of their journey, this has worked really well and friendships (that may have faded out) have blossomed for years to come 

I'm sure by starting an additional thread, those of you who are worrying about staying on this board will then feel able to pop back into this thread to offer support, encouragement and of course hope (which is obviously preferable than anyone disappearing totally).

Let me know your thoughts 

One other point, it would most likely be started by a little bunch of you from here but I'm sure it will attract others who have finally achieved another miracle after struggles, as it's always nice to chat to people who understand what you've been through (without the need for explanations).  

Angie x x


----------



## Carter4

.......promise I'm not being ignorant, but keep wanting to give a thorough reply, but never seem to manage as feeling too rough, and the ms is ramping up again. I'm reading when I can cope with the bright screen. Thinking of you all, and a special acknowledgement to our guardian angel Penelope. I will definitely miss you missus, but if you do go, promise to come back with your update. A massive congrats to Caz on the safe arrival of your sons. Apologies for not being able to manage more at this stage xx


----------



## Carter4

Grrr have just lost my post after a lot of darting back and forth trying to catch up, so much more simplified attempt this time!

Penelope - Hope you are enjoying your maternity leave, and all prepared?

Becky - Hope with a bit of distance you are able to plan a way forward?

Dolphins - Sending you so much luck for tomorrow. Sorry to read about your worrying time with your DS.

KL - Hope your Day21 bloods go okay, and you get that referral if you need it. Hope the 2ww isn't driving you too crazy?

janieh - Hi and welcome. Sorry to hear that you are having such a worrying time. It sounds as if you have had a very tough time trying for a sibling. I really hope this cycle works out for you.

Hi to the rest of the gang, giving up now as way past my bedtime xxxx


----------



## caro8500

Just wanted to say good luck today Dolphins....Fingers crossed x


----------



## Trin Trin

Good luck Dolphins!!!

Hope the result is a positive one 🙏🙏


----------



## KLconfused

Carter - im sorry I chuckled at the MS comment - I really feel for you but you know the rest of us on here are sooo jealous!

Dolphins - I hope today was a good day for you 

Hi to everyone else. 

Im still in my 2ww but no idea when AF is due as cycle is all over the place. Tomorrow is day 22 so could be then or day 28 so who knows!
Just heard from a lady in my NCT group who had a miscarriage 2 weeks before me and she is 12 weeks pregnant. She must have got pregnant 2 weeks after her miscarriage. She said the other week she had to take a day off work and be with her daughter for 6 hours and she would rather have been at work. Typical she can have as many kids as she wants. 

Had the day 21 bloods today and apparently I call in Monday and a doctor will tell me the results. 

So ladies can you tell me if im going mad. I have 2 dogs. I do a lot of dog agility (see saws and tunnels and stuff) and my 2 have retired through age and injury. So I need another dog so I can have my hobby back. my daughter is 18 months. Weve been doing IVF for a sibling for 12 months nearly now but I want to get back to my life as well as IF and agility is my release and keeps me sane. So we got another dog 3 weeks ago. He is lovely and ive started agility classes with him. It will take about a year to train him up to competitions but im enjoying it so far. Today I was called about a pup by a lady I know who does agility. Apparently its likely to be very good and is the breed we wanted. So ive said im interested and were going to meet it Sunday! Im so sick of having my life on hold because of IF and when/if I ever have a baby/sibling how will I cope. So im trying to do the IUI in the background and get on with life and move on as I would if my dreams of a sibling were over. Is that insane? I also think its sods law if I get the dog ill be pregnant but if that's the case then brilliant! I almost want to get the dog incase it increases my chances of pregnancy if that makes sense!


----------



## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

It's a  for me today I'm afraid.     However because I haven't started bleeding yet they want me to retest in a couple of days time, on Sunday and phone the clinic again.  However, in the faint hope that it could turn to a   it is part of their policy to ask you to do a retest, because I am not bleeding yet, but I am not holding out too much hope because I waited until test day to test, and it was my test day today, and it clearly showed a negative.   Anyway! When I've had a negative in the past, I did bleed the day after test day.  What a bad week it has been for me.  I've had 3 lots of bad news in the space of 5 days, Mon - Fri.

Anyway! Hope others are doing well.

Take care for now.

xx


----------



## Anjelissa

I'm so sorry to hear of your news Dolphins  and for the worrying time you are having with your son .
Lots of love and hugs to you 

Angie x x x


----------



## Carter4

Ahhh Dolphins so sorry to hear of your bfn, particularly cruel since AF has not shown. It's hard to believe it will change, but you just never know, so keep realistic for these last few days but pepper it with a little glimmer of hope. That's what I will be hoping for you. I'm sorry you're having a crap time of it, fx that's your lot done with now.

Must be hard KL not knowing when exactly to test. I suppose you give it as long as possible, and hope the witch doesn't get you?! It never gets any easier does it, hearing how some ladies fall so easily. Awful really when you think she has had a mc. 
I totally understand your thought process re the new dog. Worse case scenario it doesn't work out the way you hope for re iui, then you still have your hobby to focus on, but if it does work out your future LO grows up surrounded by lots of loving dogs


----------



## Trin Trin

Sorry to hear it was a bfn Dolphins:-(

Carter hope the morning sickness is getting better.

Klconfused - I've got everything crossed for you 🙏

Pene - Please hang around to support us and definitely to let us know when your son arrives 

Caro - How's it going my love and remind us where you are in your cycle??

Hi to anyone I've missed x


----------



## Dolphins

"Thank you all for your best wishes, it mean's a lot."  

We managed to get a cancellation for tomorrow for a follow up appt. at our clinic to see the Dr. and to talk through our options.

Because, I am nearly 40 now, I think he may mention 'donor', which neither of us will be happy about, but if that's the only way I will get pregnant again, I would be willing to go down that route.  I know that whatever happens we will have to do a fresh cycle again, as we have now used our one and only frozen embryo up on this latest cycle.    But I really don't know how many more times we'll be able to do it, as my fiance is only mentioning another cycle, but that's not a decision that I have made!  

Obviously my biggest fear, is that I may never become pregnant again, and that I will only ever experience getting to 29 wks. of pregnancy, only feeling my baby for the last 3 wks. before he was born.  I know that it is good to try and stay positive, but I'm afraid that I am more of a realist.  But we'll just have to wait and see what the Dr. say's to us tomorrow.   

I know that on each cycle we always manage to get to blastocyst, but why if we get to blastocyst out of 4 cycles, have we only got 1 baby from it.   Even though I love my baby to bits,    xxx I so desperately want a sibling for him.

Anyway! Bye for now, and I will try and update you tomorrow.

xx


----------



## MiniM

Hi all

Dolphins - so sorry it was a bfn for you this time  . I hope that your follow up appointment today is useful and they have some good suggestions for next time.

KLconfused - fingers crossed that you get some good news after your 2ww or however long it might turn out to be. I can totally understand you wanting to try and get on with life as you would do if IF wasn't hanging over you - kind of trying to protect yourself a bit. Perhaps it will help to as you might focus on IF and stress about it a bit less.

Carter - hope the MS is improving but as KL said we are all jealous!

Caro - hope the cycle is going well.

Trin Trin - when do you start?

PP - good luck if you are still reading and let us know when you baby arrives. Pop in too we need a bit of hope that second miracles do happen. 

Waves to  everyone else.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning everyone, 
I have been lurking in the background, checking how everyone is getting on whilst waiting for our little man to arrive. He gave us a bit of a scare last fri so I've been and out of hospital since then but he decided to make an appearance yesterday morning and he's perfect. His brother already loves him lots and it was absolutely amazing to see my LO giving him cuddles and sharing his trains with his new brother!! I'm happy to share more details if people want me too but I don't want to offend or upset anyone so will keep it to a minimum for now.

Sorry I'm not doing any personals, I'll try and post again when I have chance

Hope everyone is ok

Xxxx.


----------



## Trin Trin

Congratulations!!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

Baby number 4 from the original gang !!! So pleased for you.

Lets hope they'll be more in 2015🙏

Dolphins - a few of us are nearly 40 or already 40. Carter turned 40 and she decided to use donor eggs due to previous failed fertilisation cycles. Now she's expecting twins. The donor issue for me makes no difference, its my only option using donor sperm. Yes my children will be biologically mine but the bond with my he and is no different. Once those eggs are put into your body or the sperm fertilised the eggs the developing baby is both of yours and its immediate love

Caro......where are you??

Hi Mini mi - I start taking the pill when my next AF arrives which is due on 29 Nov

Klconfused - good luck if you testing soon hope AF is keeping far far away xx


----------



## Anjelissa

PP...that's wonderful news!  
Massive Congratulations to you all  

On that note, I forgot to add the link to new 'sub-thread' ('Finally achieved another miracle chat thread'):

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=330038.0

There are a couple of visitors there already 

Hi to everyone , and as Trin Trin said, let's hope 2015 is the year for you all  

Ang x


----------



## Dolphins

We went to the follow up appt. yesterday to see the Consultant, and he said that I can still try using my own eggs, which is good, but with my age I have only got a 12% chance of success, but because treatment as worked for us in the past, he don't see why it can't work in the future.  However, he would like us to start sooner then later.  However, it's my 40th in February, and he said that we could start again in January if we wanted to.  However, if it doesn't work, I don't want to be feeling really down and depressed when it's my 40th, but then again, I would like to try again very soon, so I don't know what to do.  Alternatively I could start treatment in March, after my birthday, but March at the mo. feel's like a million years away, so I don't know yet when we are going to start treatment again.  

Has anyone else got any ideas?

xx


----------



## caro8500

Hi All

Firstly wanted to say a massive congratulations to Pen...lovely to hear your news. So pleased everything has gone well. 

Dolpins...so sorry for your BFN. Tough making that judgement call when to cycle again especially when we feel time isn't on our side. Sometimes its good to have a little break from it but you just have to go with whatever feels right for you.

Carter...Hope everything going ok...let us know how you are getting on 

KL...how is the 2 ww going...Hope its good news for you.

Trin...not long till your 40th now...what have you got planned for birthday celebrations. I've just worked out it will be my test date on my birthday and also DS's first ever nativity. He keeps saying he's going to be a queen (he means a king lol!) 

Thanks for asking after me Trin...Had a heck of a week last week. My DH got made redundant suddenly out of the blue. Totally unexpected and we're still reeling a bit from it to be honest. Just such bad timing especially as the service I work for is being taken over next year and its likely I'll either be made redundant or lose a big chunk of my salary. Any how its not all bad news. Fortunately my smear came back normal and I'm now on day 8 of stimms. I had a scan yesterday and all looking ok. Follicles still quite small (except for one bolter!) but that's normal for me at this stage, even a couple of extra ones this time round so fingers crossed!! Got scan again Monday then hopefully egg collection next wednesday woo hoo. Also got a lovely weekend of wedding dress shopping to look forward to with my two best mates who get married next year so trying to keep positive.

Hi to Ayah (hope DS2 keeping you busy), Mini M and anyone else still following

xx


----------



## KLconfused

Caro - so sorry to hear about the redundancy, just what you don't need at the moment. Glad your in treatment now and the smear was fine. What a hectic time. 

Congrats to Pen, so pleased for you - Wish I could have a baby cuddle as I long for one of those.

Carter - hope your doing great. Must be nearly the 9 week scan now. Looking forward to hearing news. 

Carter and trin - thanks so much for your lovely comments about the dogs. My new dog I got 4 weeks ago is settling in amazingly well. He is soo lovely and I cant imagine the house without him.The new pup arrives tomorrow and we have until Friday to decide if we want to keep him. I have reservations about time and energy to train him and also he is a yapper and I don't like them so it depends how bad he is. Fingers crossed. 

At times I feel like moving on with the new dogs and other times I can hardly pick myself up off the floor with the sadness of it all. 

Anyway another BFN for me. My cycle has been 22,24 and 26 days this year so when I got to day 28 without AF I got excited. I did a test but it had a fault and I didn't have another one so I was waiting until day 29 to test again in the morning but AF got me day 28 PM. I feel its been the most torturous 2ww ever. My 7th this year. Because I thought AF would come anytime from day 22 its been so tense. I cant believe how deflated I feel. 

I also had the day 21 bloods but I never rung the GP for results. I couldn't face it. Ive booked an appointment for Wednesday to see her and get the results then. At least I can ask her about the results then. Im dreading it but I suppose I need it to determine next steps. I keep asking myself if I should just give up and go with DE now. I don't know how to make that decision. 

Dolphins - my advise would be to cycle as quick as you can afford. I was 40 in March and id done one ICSI in Jan and was then doing FET in March. I was depressed about my birthday anyway so it made no odds I was on the drugs. It depends on your outlook but I found turning 40 awful as I felt it was game over for me so I don't think being mid or end of a cycle would have made any difference. sorry that's so negative.


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi all

Dolphins - good news you can use your own eggs For me I chose not to have treatment near my birthday. Plus i wanted to go away with my friends. I'm 40 in December and I didn't want to be at the stage of egg collection or testing day to be anywhere near it. So my choice was to be down regging instead. Like you I didn't want to start too far away from it, even though I could have started in January, but that would mirror my cycle last year. I'll start the pill on 29 Nov and I'll have the scrape on 23 Dec, so I may be injecting on my birthday.

Caro - sorry to hear about your husband and his job...must be a worry for you especially with your job being a bit under threat too:-( brave lady with test day on your birthday......it will either be the best present EVER or could be one of your worst. Well I hope it's the former!! I did that with one of my IUI cycles think it was my 38th and it wasn't the result I had hoped for. To tip it off my period was a day late and I was welcomed with the arrival of my AF BUT with my daughter my test day was Xmas day and what a gift that was

Well for my birthday going to Egypt with 4 girlfriends for along weekend the weekend 
before my birthday for 4 days. So I'm looking forward to that)))

Have a good weekend ladies x


----------



## Trin Trin

Klconfused- I never saw your post before mine because I typed it out this morning then sent when I had the time. I'm so sorry to hear that it was a bfn :-(((((((((  dashing out and will respond properly later but I didn't want  thinking I hadn't acknowledged your bad news!!! X


----------



## Carter4

Penelope MORE DETAILS PRETTY PLEASE, aaaarrrgggghhhh can't believe I missed this, due to blimmin' ms. Congratulations proud mummy, just shed a tear for you, such a perfect image of two brothers together. I hope you are surviving though? As 
much as you have your happy ever after, I don't doubt how difficult those early days/weeks are. Or is your newest little man being an absolute star? How did the birth go? Weight? What was the scare about? Ohhh so many question. Post back won't you?! Big hugs xxxxx

Trin - Not long until you get going again.   that this is your time! Ps Lovely time of year to get away. Hope you have a fantastic time with your buddies.

Dolphins - It's a tough choice that's for sure. In your shoes I would want to get going asap, because of the age factor. I would be willing to risk a crappity crap big birthday, but then again when I am on this ride I'm like a woman obessed, and I appreciate not everyone is like this. I'm happy to answer any questions re DE, that's if you have any. Or you might be putting it to the back of your mind until you have tried with OE again. Either way just holler, and ms permitting I'll try to get back to you in a timely fashion.

caro - Sorry to hear about your DH's redundancy. Good luck for your final stimms scan tomorrow. An exciting week ahead for you then! Fingers mega tightly crossed for you, hoping upon hope that your precious gem is in there for you. Yippeeee to a few extra follies!

KL - I feel your pain my sweet. DE isn't an easy decision, but as per usual with anything important nor should it be. It sounds cheesy but you'll know when the time is right, if you go down that route. For me it was an accumulation of undeniable facts, that made the jump so much easier in the end!

MiniM - How are you? Where are you at with everything?

Hi to everyone else xxxxxx

AFM - Ms being a beast when it does strike, all day nausea with intermittent vomming. However trying to see my cup as half full, and I am getting the odd day where it is very muted in the background. Mw went well, DH is a sucker for the freebies that come in the pregnancy pack. Just waiting for Tuesdays scan really. Again as our successful predecessors have mentioned, I will try and be mindful of others feelings. I never really did mind, but whenever things had just gone horribly wrong for me, the rawness did sometimes make others good news a smidge hard to digest.


----------



## Dolphins

Congratulations Penelope Pitstop on the birth of your son      and a sibling to your first born, however I do appreciate it that you are taking other people's feelings into account, and sorry to put a spanner in the works, and contrary to what Carter4 is saying I am not sure at this stage that I want to read all the details about the birth etc. as I am feeling really quite delicate at the mo. with my recent bfn, that I don't know how I'll take the news at the mo. I REALLY do want to say share the news, but I am really struggling at the minute with the news of my recent failed test/cycle, sorry.  "I hope that I haven't upset you."

*Carter4* - "Thank you" for your words of advice, and for letting me know that you are there if I had any questions about DE, and many congratulations on your pregnancy.         

*Trin Trin* - you'll brave to do treatment over your birthday, and be injecting on your birthday, and "happy 40th by the way," it's not the best thing having treatment over your birthday, but it might just be the cycle that works, positive vibes to you        

Bye for now.

xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Just a quick one from me, I just wanted to provide a solution/compromise to the last few posts 

PP....please see below link to the 'finally achieved another miracle chat thread' (still on the same board )

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=330038.0

Please feel free to add your news in there and then your friends here can pop in to read (if they choose), or not (for those finding things hard atm )

There are obviously going to be mixed feelings and emotions on this thread due to the different stages people are at on their journey, but by posting in the sub/new thread people can then make their own choice to read or not 

Lots of love to you, and once again MASSIVE CONGRATULATIONS!


----------



## Dolphins

Thanks for posting this Anjelissa   and thanks for your supportive comments the other day.  

xx


----------



## Carter4

Good idea Batman, I mean Angie   xx

Get your backside over to the other thread Penelope, can't wait to read about your little man, especially after sticking with us all this time xx

Hugs Dolphins, hopefully 2015 will be your year xx


----------



## MiniM

Hi all 

PP congratulations wonderful news. Hope you are enjoying every minute of being a second time mummy and that your DS1 is loving having a little brother.

Dolphins - great news that you can try own eggs again. I'd be tempted just to go for it as soon as you can or have started a cycle before your birthday although it would mean no drinking.

Caro - sorry to hear about your DH's redundancy. I hope he finds another job quickly. Hope the wedding dress shopping was lots of fun and that your scan yesterday showed a good amount of growth.

Trin Trin - not long until you get started. Your plans for your 40th sound fun.

Carter - glad everything is going well. When is your next scan?

KLconfused - sorry about your bfn. It is so disappointing when your cycle plays up a gives you a bit of hope. Mine was a week late last time.

Hi Angie, Ayah and anyone else reading.

Afm - still waiting to try again (hoping for what needs to be an enormous miracle that I might get pregnant in the meantime). We couldn't fit in a cycle before the clinic closes for Christmas as I need to take the pill for 28 days then down reg for 2 weeks due to the adeno. Unfortunately January is then crazy at work so can't have any time off so need egg collection to fall in Feb. So long away.....frustrated! Especially as one of my best friends had a baby two weeks ago and one called to tell me they are pregnant at the weekend. Trying to just focus on a healthly diet etc to hopefully get better embies this time and enjoying our little boy.

x x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi all,

Carter I have posted on the other thread as suggested by Angelissa. 

Dolphins, please dont apologise for not wanting me to post any more details on this thread. I totally understand and hope that you start to feel a little better soon. 

KL Confused, so sorry to hear about your recent bfn. Sending you big hugs. 

Carter, hope your next scan goes well. 

Caro, good luck for this week. I have everything crossed for you. xx

MiniM, sorry you have to wait to start treatment again. I think the waiting is the worst part as you feel in limbo land. Enjoy Christmas and good luck for your cycle in the new year. 

I hope Ive remembered everyone. I think Ive missed someone out so apologies if I have. 
xxxx


----------



## Carter4

Mega quick one from me, good luck today caro, hope EC goes ahead and well today?

Penelope have had a quick read, but no time to reply properly, hopefully back on later today.

Hi to everyone else xxxx

Oh and scan went well ta, 12 week on 17/12!


----------



## Trin Trin

Good luck with egg collection Caro!!!!!


----------



## caro8500

Thanks Guys

Egg collection went well and got 7 eggs (that's 1 up on the last 2 rounds). Feeling bit sleepy now. Fingers crossed for fertilization tomorrow. 

Woo Hoo re the scan Carter!!  

Catch up with everyone else later

xx


----------



## Noshi

I am here just to say best of luck to you.


----------



## KLconfused

Caro - that's great news. We all know how nerve wracking it is waiting for that call so good luck today  

Hi to everyone else, sorry flying visit

Got my day 21 results and all normal, no premenapause or thyroid issues causing my cycle to go loopy. GP is referring me. When we started 6 years ago and they found my husbands issue we went straight to ICSI so now its time to look at things for me I think like clomid etc. No idea how long the wait for an appointment is but im not expecting anything before xmas. 

The new yorkie pup has arrived. Its a mad house here. He is very cute. He is getting on great with my other new dog and they play loads. Its nice to have some joy in the house watching them playing and my husband is totally smitten with him so its nice to see hubbie happy for the first time in a while!


----------



## MiniM

Great news Caro! Fingers crossed for the fertilisation call today.

Glad the scan went well Carter.


----------



## caro8500

Thanks for the good wishes....Only 4 fertilized   lost a bit of my positivity today. reckon transfer will be Saturday now.

Good news your results all normal KL...and at least getting a referral might open another avenue for you. Lovely to hear about your new pup. Would really like to get a animal for my DS but never seem to get round to it. 

xx


----------



## KLconfused

Caro - 4 is good, that's a great fertilisation rate. I had 4 fertilise from 12 eggs on my first ICSI and I have my daughter from that - she was a 3dt as well  

The sooner they are back in you the better too so roll on Saturday and the exciting/scary 2ww.


----------



## Trin Trin

Yep I agree with Kl Caro, 4 is a fab rate of fertilisation from 7 eggs!! 

Lets keep up the positivity!!!!! 

X


----------



## MiniM

I agree too - I only had 5 fertilise from 11. I was told 2/3rds is good so try to be positive about 4 from 7. Good luck for transfer. x


----------



## caro8500

Thanks KL, Trin Trin and Mini M. Had my transfer today 2 embryos... one was 6 cell (graded 4 4...whatever that means) he said it was a good one,and one 8 cell which they didn't grade as slightly fragmented but said was still good. So here we go again with the 2ww. I'm working this time so at least will take my mind of things. Arghhhh!

x


----------



## Anjelissa

Congratulations on being PUPO caro  
I hope your 2ww goes quickly for you.
Lots and lots and lots of luck for your result   
Angie x x


----------



## ayah

Sow ladies lots of good news since I was last here  

Need to be very quick, so congrats on the babies born, babies cookibg nicely, embies settling in nicely in 2ww.  All best for cycles coming up.

So long reading no time post prooer. You all in my thoughts 
Ayah xxx


----------



## Carter4

Hey All

Apologies for going m.i.a. Just to finish me off in my current ms state, I picked up some nasty bug which really punished me. Non-stop nausea, vomiting, and diarrhoea, I was a wreck, I've lost 10lbs, hard to imagine with twins.

MiniM - The wait can be the most frustrating part of this process, but this time of year does tend to whizz by, so before you know it you'll be out of the starting blocks again. In the meantime I hope upon hope that you may strike gold with a natural bfp.

KL - Must be a relief that your tests came back okay. Hope your referral doesn't drag too much. Love the image of your two young dogs causing mayhem together.

Congrats on being pupo caro. Your little embies both sound promising so here's hoping. When is your otd?

Hope it's all going well ayah?

Hi to everyone else xxxx


----------



## Anjelissa

I'm sorry to hear you've been so ill Carter , that sounded awful, you poor thing 
I hope you're fully recovered now 

Angie x


----------



## caro8500

Hey Everyone

4dpt and going a little crazy. Feeling a lot better than in previous cycles but don't know if that's a good thing. Had some indigestion last 2 days which I rarely get but just have no idea whats going on in there. Have taken in upon myself to use 2 lots of cyclogest this time (as had a load spare) and know lots of other clinic get there ladies to have 800mg a day so thought it couldn't hurt. Work, although certainly not great, is helping take my mind off things  a bit. Hope everyone else doing ok?

Sorry to hear you've been so ill Carter...just what you don't need at the moment.  DS had a sickness bug the other week, was sick during a cookery demonstration at a show we went to of all things, somehow I managed to swerve getting it.

Trin...not long till you get started now, and for your fun birthday trip to Egypt 

Nice to hear from you too Ayah

xx


----------



## Carter4

.......fully recovered cheers guys x

caro - Hope you have some lovely distracting plans for the weekend? Another week to go eh. Fingers so tightly crossed for you. Hope you're not going too spare?! Oh and well done on ducking and diving your DS's vom!

Hi to the rest of the gang xxxx


----------



## KLconfused

carter - im glad your better must have been a tough time. 

caro - how are you doing and whats your OTD?

Hi to everyone else. 

AFM, day 15 and no ovulation again. Ive decided I cant try like this anymore. I cant believe I got pregnant the second month of doing AI and it all seemed so easy and then it was taken away. My cycles gone nuts since the miscarriage and I cant handle the stress of letting my donor down each month either. So ive contacted ARGC and am waiting for an appointment. I have also got a GP referral but that will take 18 weeks for an appointment. By then ill be 41 and I don't want to wait that long. So now its a matter of waiting for the appointment. Im a country bumpkin and I hate London so I really don't know how it will work but I need to give it a good go. Its a sad time when I got in touch with the clinic. I really hated my last clinic and don't want to go near another one. I said id never do IVF again but im heading that way  Im sorry you guys as I know you all are doing IVF and I have done plenty too. I just really hoped I wouldn't need to with using donor sperm. I really want this stage of my life over. I just want a 2nd baby and then never think of IF ever again. Ive reached my end plan. So 3 x IUI and then IVF OE then if that fails DE. So I have a plan and im just going to work through that unless the clinic say different. Im so terrified of the cost. ARGC is expensive. No idea how we will pay for it all and I don't want to go back to work and miss out on time with DD to pay for treatment that might not give me a baby anyway. Sorry to come on the thread on a downer!

happy Saturday. Im off with DD to meet santa claus today. It will be the first time she's aware as she is 19 months old. So exciting


----------



## MiniM

Hi girls hope you are all having nice weekends .

Caro - not that long until otd now. I was on two cyclogest a day and think the Lister always recommend that. Did make my tummy feel slightly funny though. 

Carter - really glad that you are feeling better.

KL confused - glad you have a plan and are moving forward with it. We did a monitoring cycle with ARGC and were about to start our first round with them when my FSH jumped so they wouldn't let us cycle.  We ended up deciding the Lister was better suited to our needs and have been happy with them. ARGC obviously have amazing results but I think you need to be prepared for all that entails. They expect you to do everything they say including appointments with virtually no notice. The regime is pretty full on too - daily bloods for around first week of stimms and then usually twice daily thereafter.  If you are prepared for it then I think it's fine. A friend of a friend who has just had twins after cycling with them told me to expect a round to cost £10 -15k depending on whether you need immune treatment. The initial immune testing cost us circa £1000. 

Trin Trin - hope you have managed to get started.

Hi everyone else reading.


----------



## caro8500

Well slowly going totally crazy. No symptoms at all now and feel totally normal. Had some aching this morning that felt like AF but nothing so far. The closer it gets the more sick I feel. Sure AF will come Tuesday if it hasn't worked so going to be some serious knicker watching, at least I'm out shopping and eating with friends. Can hardly bear to think that it could be all over in just a couple of days time. Starting to think ignorance is bliss. 

KL. Good to have a plan to move forward even if it isn't your ideal one. Have wondered what we might do if doesn't work again this time. Kind of feels pointless doing the exact same thing again after 3 goes. Feel bit limited due to finances and practicality of travel. ARGC results look fantastic. I'd go for it if it was a possibility for me.

Mini M and Trin....not long to you both cycle again now??

xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Morning ladies!!

Carter glad to hear you're feeling better!!

Klconfused - sorry to hear your cycles are still not settled and you're feeling deflated. I know what you mean with the want of another and just wanting this stage of our lives over. Don't feel bad for saying you hate IVF.... we all do!! I still feel cross having to go through all of this. Well as always you have a plan. Like the others have said ARGC have great results however you have to prepare yourself for the daily visits to the clinic and the expense. With you not liking London you're going to be visiting frequently.....I researched there but knew I couldn't handle what they expect from you. But the results are amazing!!!! Lets hope you won't even need to use them and the IUI's controlled will do the trick for you.

Caro - not long to go and try not to symptom spot!!! I'm sure you're testing on your birthday 🙏🙏🙏 I'm keeping everything crossed for you!!!! Lets not think about what you do if it doesn't work.....lets think about it working!!!

Mini M - when will you be starting? Did you decide on February?

AFM my period came on point last Sunday so I've been taking the pill. Friday I go away on 17th I'm having the scrape not sure when I start injecting.....I've forgotten.

Have a great week girls x


----------



## Carter4

KL - In the short time that I have known you on here, I have admired your strength and determination, and I know for a fact I would have bailed sooner on your AI cycles, that's if I had ever had enough courage to do it in the first place, which I don't think I would have. I have read fabulous things about ARGC, but also that it is phenomenally expensive and very intense. However the clinic does seem to get fantastic results for our age group. I hope that it does the trick for you, but also good to see that you have a back up plan. Your post isn't a downer, it's the harsh reality of the treadmill some of us find ourselves on. Just over a year ago I was still trying to come to terms with the shock of a failed fertilisation cycle, after naively thinking we had it in the bag after DD's cycle! Yes finally the tide has turned in my favour, (said somewhat reluctantly, because until they are here with us etc etc), but it took DE, an alien concept for me at the beginning of this trying again journey. You'll get there, just got some mighty dips and bumps in the road I'm afraid. Keep chipping away as you are xx

Hi MiniM and thanks xx

Doing my anti AF dance for you caro! xx

Trin - All going to be happening soon then, good luck xx


----------



## caro8500

Just quick one. Started bleeding a bit this aft. Got endo pain and deffo feels like AF.   

Time to think of doing something different as don't see the point in doing the same again...its clearly not working for me. 

x


----------



## Trin Trin

Caro don't give up yet!!!! I'm sure Carter had bleeding too....I know it's hard to remain positive but please try. How many days past transfer are you. Is OTD on Thursday?


----------



## caro8500

Trin...I'm 10dp3dt. OTD is weds (on last 2 cycle AF has come day before test date). Not been much yet but my endo pains getting worse and exactly what I get when AF is starting. Will keep you updated but 99% sure its all over. Really hate all this. Upset at work and had to come home. Would rather just get to text date and be told without all this going to the toilet to check every 5 minutes. 

x


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## Trin Trin

It's just so horrible all of this. Enough to drive us insane!!!! We all know our bodies but I'm still going to keeping everything I can possibly cross for you 🙏🙏🙏 

Take care x


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## Penelope Pitstop

Me too Caro, u have everything crossed that Af doesn't dhow and that you get a bfp 

A quick hi to everyone else.

I'm still reading to see how you are all doling. 

Trin, hope u have fab time away in Egypt and good luck for upcoming cycle.

Kl, I agree with carter, you are such a strong and determined lady. I don't much about Argc other than they are pricey but good.  Think it helps to plan a way forward

Carter, hope you are well? Not long now until 12 week scan.  Best of luck and lolling forward to reading how it went. 
Xxx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Just a wuivkie from me to say good luck today Caro.  Really hoping that you get your bfp xx


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## Trin Trin

Me too Caro!!! I'm sure it's your birthday today aswell.....

I still want to wish you a Happy Birthday and depending on what's happening will obviously affect how your day will be. I've experienced a bfn on my birthday before and I felt terrible:-( I've also had a BFP on Christmas Day..I just hope it's good news for you and the bleeding kept away!!

Thinking of ya x


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## MiniM

Wishing you lots of luck Caro and really hoping it is good news for you.

If it is your birthday happy birthday too x


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## Penelope Pitstop

Yes happy birthday Caro if it's your bday today xx


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## KLconfused

Happy birthday Caro - really hope its the best one ever


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## Carter4

caro thinking of you and hoping you are okay?

Fingers tightly crossed you are able to celebrate your birthday in some way.

We're all rooting for you my sweet xxxx


----------



## Anjelissa

Thinking of you caro and hoping it's wonderful news   
Angie x


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## caro8500

Hi. thanks for all your birthday wishes it means a lot. Unfortunately its another BFN for me. I was prepared for it, although bleeding stopped on monday and started again today to confuse issues. Its not been the best birthday but was DS's first nativity tonight and was so proud of him singing songs in his little kings costume. 

Feel like the dream of having another child is a million miles away today  Need to take stock and try and get my head around things before deciding on whats next. Just don't understand how it can work first time then 3 goes and nothing. 

xx


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## Carter4

Ahhhh caro I'm so sorry, it's a bl**dy wicked game, marvellous when it works, but utter sh*te otherwise. It does beg belief, having hit gold the first time, to not even come within striking distance on your next three goes. Perhaps time to get tests such as amh and fsh refreshed (that's if you haven't already), just to get a clearer picture of what may be going on. Hopefully some of our gang will have other suggestions. Once again my sweet, I am so sorry it did not work out for you. If money permits and once you have dusted yourself down, and realise you have the stamina, please don't give up hope, sheer bl**dy minded perseverance will get you there ((((((hugs)))))) xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Oh Caro, I'm so so sorry my lovely. Sending you big big hugs xxx


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## MiniM

Caro sending you big hugs   I am so sorry to hear this news. Glad you son cheered you up a bit with his nativity.

I don't know how much you have done to try to reduce the impact of your endo - I've discussed it with a couple of consultants/nutritionists and I google way too much!! Will post some suggestions over the next couple if days in case it helps x


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## Trin Trin

Sorry Caro to hear this cycle wasn't to be:-( it's just all so unpredictable which is what I can't bare!!! I don't know anything about endo unfortunately but like the others have said once you've healed and feel stronger plus of course in a position financially hopefully you'll find the strength to carry on. Good idea getting tests etc done to ensure all is okay. My clinic said the laws has changed recently and all tests must be repeated every 3 months!! It used to be every 12 months.

Well I'm glad seeing your son in his nativity cheered you up and made u smile on your birthday. Test day on your birthday could have gone two ways and I'm so sad for you that it wasn't what we all hoped.

Take care x


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## Anjelissa

Caro, I'm so sorry to hear your news , I'm thinking of you and sending hugs  

As others have said, I'm glad you had your son's nativity to make you smile and comfort you a little .
I'll never forget our little man's first one (he was Joseph and looked so cute in his little costume and so proud as he sang the carols  )
He's now 5, and has his school play tomorrow (playing Father Christmas this time), going to be another emotional one I think.

You mentioned about taking stock and getting your head around things, I know personally once I'd done that I felt much better, as if having a plan for the way forward brought a sense of peace and feeling a little more in control of things.
I hope that comes about for you soon 

Angie x x


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## ayah

Caro so sorry for the bfn.      .


----------



## rednick

Hi all
Just wanted to say sorry to all bfn  . I've just got bfn this morning after 3 cycles of donor embryos. First was chemical second miscarriage at 7 weeks and def negative today. I am hoping for some advice that at 46 should I just be happy with beautiful daughter(also donor baby) or try again? I know only I can decide but so confused at minute  
Thanks for reading


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## Anjelissa

I'm so sorry to hear of your bfn rednick 
Big hugs to you 

Angie x


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## Carter4

Hi rednick

Sorry to hear of your bfn. I am sure you are very happy with your beautiful DD, but as we all know here the yearn for a sibling can be a tremendous pull. None of us return to the ivf treadmill lightheartedly. As you say, only you can decide whether to disembark, but if you do, do so with a clear conscience, you have gone above and beyond trying for another LO. If you keep trying, you can count on some good support here. Good luck with your decision x


----------



## rednick

Thanks so much for your replies. I guess I don't want DD to be only one. miscarriage was in September went quickly into another cycle with bfn so have been feeling down for a while then feel guilty it's not making me great mum to DD   but on other hand worry if anything happened me and DH DD would be left on own to cope. 
Maybe I should stop thinking til drugs are out of system cos really don't know which way is up at min


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## Carter4

I feel for you rednick, a bit of distance should hopefully give you some much needed clarity. Being an older parent in itself does not worry me, but the likelihood of my DD being on her own at some point in the future, because of this factor, was a strong driving force in my quest for a sibling. Don't beat yourself up about being down in front of your DD, it us a temporary state, children are resilient, she will not remember at such a young age, and I'm sure you are probably fronting it more than you give yourself credit for. It's all so raw for you x

caro - Thinking of you sweet lady xx


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## KLconfused

caro - so so so sorry to hear your news. Really hoped it would be this time for you. I know when I started ICSI again Jan this year I really thought it would work as I had a 9 month old from the last time. There's nothing like to powerlessness and utter disbelief that it can work one time and then not again. I feel for you I really do. Im sure my old clinic said 3 unsuccessful goes and they do more tests and change things I think. Maybe worth looking at another clinic? Definitely lots of questions for your follow up appointment. I wish you all the luck in the world  

rednick - im so sorry to hear your news too. 3 goes with DE and no success is horrid as the chances are higher. when ive been TTC I too worry im not being the best I could be for my DD. Its whats made me think of giving up. I hate the person I become when treatment is in progress and the hormones send me doolally. Take some time as we all do and see where you end up. there are never any easy answers. 

Hi to everyone else - hope your all doing well. 
Carter - whens your 12 week scan? I think about you a lot - sooooo jealous 

trin trin- how is your cycle going?

AFM ive got an appointment at ARGC on 3rd Feb. AGES AWAY! agggh. Thanks all for your kind words about me being strong and determined. Its appreciated. I don't feel it though. I feel defeated most of the time. We shall see. Im on day 24 this month and still no ovulation and no AF. Spoke to GP again and she said its all normal after a miscarriage and she got quite cross with me when I said I thought it wasn't. Ive been referred on the NHS but that's likely to be an April appointment although I still haven't had the appointment through. I just feel something's wrong. I haven't ovulated 2 of the last 3 months. How can that be when im on 5th cycle since miscarriage. So im counting down to the ARGC appointment. I had a shock with the pricing people have mentioned! But we have agreed we have to throw everything at it even if it means 1 go instead of 2. I don't know how the logistics will work but I see you can rent an apartment for treatment but that's £100 per night. cripes. Big gulp. But the success rates 47% for 40-42 years and as ill be 41 by then I don't want to wait any longer. 
I did tell ARGC we have a known donor and they said he will have to go in for tests, also me and hubby have to have donor counselling which we haven't before as weve been doing it privately.  They also insinuated my donor might have to have counselling. I don't think I can ask him to do that so we may not be able to use him. So frustrating. If I ovulate ill see him whilst waiting for the appointment and just hope I get lucky before I visit the ARGC. I had forgotten how slow the start of IF is. waiting waiting waiting. 

I rung the local adoption agency to ask about adoption and they wont give you a child older than the one you have and they have no under 2's needing a home and lots of people approved for under 2's. So seems adoption isn't an option. 

Hay ho, its nearly xmas and I for one will be glad to see the back of 2014 except for  wonderful year with DD. Weve done an ICSI , 1 FET, 1 miscarriage at 11 weeks and 5 2ww's from DIUI. A heavy year really. merry xmas everyone


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,

KL.......I'm in a bit of a rush, and there are so many things I want to say to you, but have to keep it as brief as possible.

I'm so sorry for all you've gone through, it's such a cruel and painful journey  

I just wanted to say please don't write off adoption as it's quite a common practise to be told that there are very few under 2's in the system.
Obviously slightly older children are harder to place so they will of course be of higher priority for agencies to try to match.
Yes there are times where authorities do have a lot of prospective adopters on their books for under two's, but then other periods where they are short of adopters.
You are also allowed to go with an authority or agency within a certain radius of your home (quite a distance too, so you have lots of options).

I would add that our lo's were 11 months and 14 months when they came home to us, and this is also pretty much the norm' for most of our friends who have adopted.  

The rule regarding not being allowed to adopt older than existing children is across the board, and of course makes sense for the wellbeing of both children.

There are two points that may however cause you a delay, one is the fact that most authorities will want you to wait a certain time after any kind of tx, and the other is that a lot of authorities may want your lo to be a bit older before they would accept you for assessment.
We struggled with this for a bit when we initially rang around about adopting a 2nd child. 
If I remember correctly our ds was about 2 and a half at the time, and most wouldn't even entertain us until he was at least 3 and a half (this was the best scenario, some even wanted him to be at least 5).
There are many reasons for this, and many (with the benefit of hindsight) I can completely appreciate and understand. I just wanted to give you a heads up though. 

I contacted many many authorities before we found the one we were to go with the 2nd time.
It's just far more complicated unfortunately when you have a child already (whether birth child or adopted.)  

Obviously adoption may not be the way forward to you, and I appreciate you are possibly not at that point yet but I just wanted to let you know that you definitely shouldn't rule it out  and it most certainly could be an option.

Angie x x


----------



## ayah

KL so sorry nothing seems straight forward for you.  If tx can feel like being trapped in a mine feild at times.  Do you keep going, change direction, stay still, go back?  Each way can seem a perilus descion.  Hope you find a way so soon.  

Angie thanks for the adoption info.  We would love to but it feels so hard.  Its a shame they wont start the process when youve a yohng child as its so long winded.  

Caro how are you doing?

Redick sorry to hear youve had a hard time trying for sibling.  Hope that you can find peace in whatever descion you make and as has been saud youll get aclot if support here.

Hi eveyone else

Ayah xxx


----------



## MiniM

Hi hope you are all ok.

Sorry a totally me post. Found out a week and a half ago that I am pregnant. Was totally over the moon after trying for over 18 months with nothing. Didn't post before as didn't want to be insensitive with the timing.  Anyway have started spotting today (only lightly so far) but have some one sided discomfort and backache  on the side where I have endo and usually get pain. Feeling so utterly distraught that I am probably going to miscarry after finally managing to get pregnant. For those of you ladies that have miscarried did yours start like this? Did you go to the doctor or what did you do?  So close to Christmas that it is distressing especially as we are meant to be away from tomorrow for about 10 days at my in laws and then my parents. Can't think of anything worse than miscarrying while not staying at home. Sorry feeling really upset. x


----------



## KLconfused

Mini. Pain and spotting can be normal so don't panic. 

I miscarried at 11 weeks and for the week before I had a horrid nausea that wasn't like pregnancy nausea. Then I got blood. I went to bed and the next morning it turned to period type blood. I went to the early pregnancy unit at my local hospital.  It took some ringing around to gp and midwife unit etc and there was a huge wait but I got a scan confirming no baby and I had the miscarriage at home 2 days later. I would suggest you get to your epu tomorrow morning or get a private scan. I'd also seriously consider delaying your trip even when everything's okay as you need time to recover. Good luck. Thoughts are with you xx


----------



## MiniM

KLconfused thank you very much for your reply. I'm really hoping it's not the worst. The midwife returned a call I made to her and said to call first thing and she will make me an appointment with the epu. Have found somewhere nearby that does private scans too so hoping I can get one somewhere very soon.


----------



## caro8500

MiniM...Have no experience of this sorry, but have friends who have had bleeding early pregnancy and all has been fine. Must be so distressing to go through, Glad you have managed to get an appointment and will be keeping everything crossed that all is ok.  xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi MiniM

As all have said spotting can be normal in early pregnancy and I'm assuming you're roughly 6 weeks or so?? Correct me if my assumptions are wrong. I have miscarried but did so at 11 weeks and at 8. 

At 11 weeks slight spotting, but no pain until the miscarriage began. At 8 weeks no spotting as I had a blood test which confirms levels had dropped.
If this is a miscarriage depending on how far you are will affect how you cope physically, but regardless of this emotionally I couldn't cope being around others. But if your families know what's going on they no doubt will provide you both with love and support.......I don't know.....

Fingers crossed this pregnancy will stay with you🙏🙏🙏 a scan or blood test can reassure and confirm what's happening...

Thinking of u x


----------



## MiniM

Thank you so much for your support. Have spent all day at the hospital as they were concerned my one sided pain and bleeding was due to an ectopic. Anyway so relieved to find out I have a baby measuring 6+2 in the right place with a heartbeat. Cautiously excited to have got this far although still such early days just hoping it's here to stay.  They think the pain is due to my endo  and bleeding just one of those things. 

Caro - hope you are feeling ok. Re your endo I think the diet and supplements that the nutritionist Mel Brown suggested made a difference in getting us pregnant. She was really focused on reducing the inflammation and it's toxic impact. I had also been taking coq10 for 3 months. Also have you had your immunes tested as  we were told by ARGC that  lots of ladies with endo have immune issues.

Trin Trin hope you are having a wonderful break away - when it is your birthday? 

x


----------



## Trin Trin

Mini M that's fabulous news!!!!!🎉🎉 I was dying to congratulate you yesterday but couldn't! Well done you....what a lovely Christmas present)))

It's my birthday officially now....I'm 40 and feeling fabulous!! Lol) I had a great holiday last weekend and looking forward to what's in store for me today. Re treatment I'm on the pill still, had the uterus scrape on Wednesday. Back on Tuesday to collect meds, sign consent forms with hubby then the injections start too. I'm hoping this cycle will be 3rd time lucky with a BFP that gives me a baby to take home!

Caro & Klconfused - hope you're doing okay.

Carter - you must be approaching 12 weeks soon. Hope them bubbas are keeping nice and snug.

Bye for now xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi all,

Sorry, I'm still lingering in the background.  Just wanted to say congratulations to minim in your bfp!! So pleased for you.

Trin Trin, hood luck with treatment and I look forward to reading your bfp announcement in the new year.

I just wanted to wish everyone a wonderful Christmas and a bfp filled new year!!!

Xxxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

P.s happy 40th bday Trin Trin xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Hi all

Congrats Mini, that's great news. so pleased for you. whats coq10 and can I get it without prescription?

Trin - Happy 40th. Hope its a great year for you. 

Just got back from my xmas NCT meet up. 2 of them are pregnant. One about to drop and the other 17 weeks pregnant after she had a miscarriage 2 weeks before I did. Another of the women announced she is 15 weeks pregnant. She said 'because of what people had been through this summer (meaning my and anothers miscarriage) I didn't want to say anything'. So then she spent 30 mins talking with the other lady due at the same time, saying how exciting it was to have lots more babies due and also that she was pleased as she wanted a summer baby so wanted to be pregnant before xmas. She must have got pregnant the first month they tried. Luckily I had already said I had to leave early as I had a dog training class. I couldn't get out of there quick enough. She has been open for ages she was going to have another but not until after her September holiday. So it isn't a shock but I cant believe how insensitive she was. Ive realised with the NCT group we have nothing in common but the children and now they are all moving on to baby 2 I have nothing in common with them   

Oh and I called and chased up my NHS appointment and they didn't even have me on the system! Agghh.


----------



## Anjelissa

Happy Birthday Trin Trin   I hope you've had a great day, 40 is the new 20, so yes you have every right to feel fabulous!  

Congratulations on your bfp MiniM , what wonderful news! 
I'm so sorry to hear of your worrying time, but extremely glad to hear it was good news at the hospital yesterday  

Angie x


----------



## MiniM

Thank you very much for the congratulations.

Trin Trin hope you had a wonderful birthday and that everyone spoilt you. Good luck with your cycle I really hope it works for you this time. 

PP hope you are still getting on well with your littlest one.

KLConfused - sorry to hear you are struggling with your NCT friends. It is hard when you are at different stages and they have/are due to have what you desperately want. Perhaps a bit of distance for a while will help.
Re CoQ10 it is a supplement you can buy yourself. I was taking the 100mg Life Extension one (search life extension coq10 on amazon) twice a day. It was recommended to me by nutritionists and then the Lister after our cycle failed. It is meant to help improve egg quality especially in relation to age related decline. Ideally you need to take it for 3 months to cover the whole of an egg development cycle. You will have almost that long I expect though with an ARGC appointment at the beginning of Feb, followed by a monitoring cycle before you can start.

Hope everyone is ok and looking forward to Christmas x


----------



## caro8500

Hi Everyone

Congratulations MiniM....what a fantastic Christmas present. Thanks for the info coQ10, I might give it a go...anything to help. Have you also been following a strict diet and do you think anything else has helped manage to endo a bit better? I've never even had a sniff of a natural pregnancy but would be lovely to think it is possible

Trin...Happy 40th. Hope you are feeling all geared up for your cycle? 

KL....Difficult position to be in with your NCT friends, but sounds like some of them could be a bit more sensitive. It still astounds me how some people who know my situation want to talk about pregnancy, babies being born and show me their scan pictures. I have come to the conclusion that many just totally lack any understanding of what it must be like for us to be in our position and think because we have one child then whats the problem!

Carter....how are things going.when's your next scan. Hope you are feeling a bit better

I've been super busy with work and getting ready for Christmas and we've decided to take a big chunk of time out before any more IVF. (but will keep trying naturally). I think we need to get back to basics and get all of our tests repeated and have a fresh pair of eyes have a look at things for us. The clinic we have always used does the basic bog standard no frills IVF. Which of course has worked for us in the past but no longer is. MiniM I am definitely going to look at getting immunes tested as never done this before. We have follow up in Jan, but I know what they will say as they don't believe in immunes or offer any additional testing (I've already had a conversation with the nurse who basically says there's no evidence for immunes. I'm unlikely to have issues as IVF has worked before, and that women are vulnerable after failed cycle as you want to try anything to make it work!) so we will have to look at another clinic which means more money and is going to be difficult practically due to travel etc but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I've also got appt in Jan with my endo/gyne consultant and would like to get basics tested (check tubes aren't blocked, check ovulating (As I really struggle to pin point this) etc. Finally I have broached the subject of donor eggs with DH, who wants a bit of time to think about it. Really unsure whether I need them but my feeling is that although my eggs look good on day 3 I think development slows down after this (as on last  cycle by day 5 they looked like day 4 eggs) either that or its an implantation issue. I would be interested to know what prompted you to go with Donor eggs Carter...did your clinic advise you this was the best way forward?

Hope everyone manages to have a lovely Christmas. I am very excited to see DS's face on Christmas day and spending some quality time with the family 

xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Hope you've all had a great Xmas? Thanks for the birthday wishes I had the best birthday ever!!! Hubby did a surprise party for me.....it was perfect in every way. Wish I could do it all over again!

Re treatment I had the scrape on 17th December and started injections on 23rd and stopped taking the pill Boxing Day. 

Hope you're all okay...it seems I'm the only one cycling at the moment....

MiniM hope pregnancy is going well.

Carter how's it going?

Caro - glad to hear you're taking a breather....think we all need that sometimes. New approach, tests, new clinic fresh start 

Klconfused - hope you're doing okay..

Hi to everyone else..... X


----------



## Carter4

Hi Everyone

I hope a good Christmas was had by all? 

Sorry for my absence, but I was unsure how to post sensitively about my continuing pregnancy. Can't stay away though, and despite some of you still battling through, your support over the last year has been too amazing to suddenly and forever disappear. So short and sweet, nearly 14 weeks now, ms much more manageable, but just when I think I am done it rears up again!. 12 week scan measured one baby on target, and one baby ahead, oddly they have swapped in terms of the front runner for size!

KL - Very frustrating about the obstacles in your way for your donor. I understand why the clinic has these protocols, but it's an irritation you can do without! Perhaps give your nct group a wide berth for the time being, nothing to stop you resurfacing down the line.

caro - DE is a difficult decision to arrive at, and I shed more than a few tears along the way, certainly back in those early days as I went through the grieving process. That said I couldn't be happier now, my eggs were clearly duff, and I was never going to have another child, a sibling for my DD unless something pretty radical changed. Obviously this is the extreme condensed version, but if you need information or opinion, holler and I will be there. I hope you are feeling a bit better after your recent knock back?

MiniM - Congratulations on your natural bfp. Hope your nerves are holding steadfast?

Trin - Fx for third time lucky. Hope the scrape makes a difference. Oh and welcome to your fabulous forties dahhling. Surprise party sounded excellent, bonus points for your DH!

Penelope - Nice to see you popping in, hope your boys are behaving for mummy?

Hi to anyone else reading xxxx


----------



## Carter4

Just nipping on to wish you all a happy new year, and fingers crossed your dreams come true in 2015, hugs to you all xxxx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Happy new year lovely ladies!!

Look forward to reading about lots of bfps and new arrivals in 2015!!!

Xxxx


----------



## Anjelissa

Happy New Year to you all 
Here's hoping 2015 brings you everything you wish for 

Angie x x


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## KLconfused

Hi all, happy new year! 

Minim - thanks for the advice - I got coq10 and started it xmas eve. 

Carter - those weights for the twins at 12 weeks were great. So exciting. Interesting to hear what you said about DE aswell. I too have decided I will use DE if needed and im trying to come to terms with it now incase I need to. I have so many concerns about it but most of what i want out of baby2 I get with DE/DS, a sibling for DD, the experience of being mum again - all the lovely classes etc and just the joy of watching the little one grow up. I don't know when ill get to that point where im told DE. I was told 3 x IUI then DE at my last clinic but then I got pregnant with turkey baster so not sure if that would change things. Guess I will find out soon. My biggest worry by far though is that even DE wont work which helped me stop worrying about DE really. 

Trin - ive not done the long cycle before so whats next for you and how long until EC and ET?

Caro - I think its a great idea to try a new clinic, my old clinic don't believe in immunes either. I hated the way they treated me after my last failed FET but I would have moved anyway even though the logistics of a London clinic are a nightmare. 

Ive been called by my GP yesterday and she wants to see me tomorrow. All they said was that they have an appointment through from the fertility centre at the hospital and she wants to talk to me. Couldn't sleep for worrying. Cant imagine what she will say. 

AFM - I did ovulate this month and I saw my donor so im in a 2WW. I think Jan 10th for test although I expect AF before then. I seem to be ovulating every other month so no more tries before I see the clinic. Im really undecided at the moment and after some help from you ladies. Since ive known im going back to a clinic in Feb ive become very down and preoccupied and tearful. I hardly have the energy to put one foot in front of the other. Im dreading it, the logistics, the treatment, the cost - everything. I said id never do IVF again because of what it did to me last time. I was seriously suicidal, wanted to leave my husband and didn't even want to spend time with DD. I don't know why I reacted like that as I wasn't like that before DD. So now im doubting I should be doing it again. I guess what I want is a check up to see if everything is OK and theres any chance of it working with my donor again. Then ill do medicated IUI as its too hard to see my donor some months because of my cycle being eratic and him being busy. Maybe I should say get tests then a year of trying with donor then if that doesn't work skip IVF and go straight to DE. But will I be annoyed with myself I didn't try OE IVF with donor sperm so ive tried everything. I don't know. Agghh. I just don't like the person ive become again. Im so tempted to go straight for DE now as the success rates are much higher then I could have baby 2 (hopefully) and move on. Ive had enough but I wont give up without another child so is DE the right way to go now?

So sorry ladies, such a lot of waffle and so downbeat on new years day. So sorry. Hopefully this time 2016 we will have closed this thread as we will all have our number 2 baby's.


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## caro8500

Hi KL. 
Sorry you have been feeling so bad about the thought of going through IVF again, although after hearing about how you felt after your last go its not surprising. I must admit though i am struggling with the thought of going through it all again too. AS for what to do, maybe you need to take it one step at a time, get your tests done first and if all looking ok then decided whether to do medicated IUI to start with. Putting a time limit sounds like a good idea too and will give you some space to decide whether to go with a OE or DE cycle if IUI doesn't work out. I imagine that the ARGC will offer you some advice also and this may change what you decide to do in the first instance. I totally get what you mean about DE however, its really tempting to look at that route because of the success rates and ultimately we just want our second miracle, the sooner the better. I have been reading more about DE and another thing that appeals is not having to go through all the egg stimulation/collection and having quite so many drugs pumped into you...but its a big decision to make and I'm not sure I'm quite ready to give up on my own eggs yet, we will see. Admire your determination for baby no 2. Its never far from my mind either.

Happy new year to everyone else

xx


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## caro8500

PS...just noticed what you have said about seeing your GP tomorrow KL....hope all goes ok xx


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## KLconfused

Caro - thanks for your kind words. Were in the same boat really with trying a new clinic and starting over again. I had forgotten how slow it is at the beginning. Have you decided what other clinic you will try? I was surprised the ARGC had an 8 week wait list just for the initial appointment. Im hoping we can get straight on with test cycle and treatment but at this rate we may have to wait for that and im 41 in 2 months. 

I saw the GP today and she had received a letter from the NHS consultant ive been waiting for an appointment with. Basically he thinks ill need IVF and the NHS wont cover it so he recommended I go back to the clinic I went to before (which incidentally he works for and he is the consultant I saw at the Wessex for my first 2 treatments that resulted in DD). Its upsetting as he hasn't been involved in any of my treatment during the last year so knows nothing of the natural pregnancy. I got a bit upset at the GPs and said what about Clomid or IUI - is all that a waste of time. She couldn't say so she said she will write back to him and tell him I still want an appointment to ask specific questions. So who knows how long I will have to wait for that appointment. So I am not bracing myself for ARGC to say my only option is IVF. All I need now is a Crohns flare up again to ruin everything and it will be like 3 years ago all over again. 

So sorry to winge on. I know those of you on this thread who are still trying are having a tough time of it. There are quite a few people from this thread who now have 2nd babies though so there's hope - and 2 sets of twins aswell


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## MiniM

Morning and happy new year all! I'm back to work today and have to work more days this month as we are busy but at least I get some tube journeys to read my book/message etc.

KLConfused I really hope this 2ww brings you good news so you do not need to go through ivf again. However if you do I hope you will find this time easier because you know what to expect and ARGC would be soo in control. We waited quite a while for our initial appointment with them but then they let me start monitoring a couple of days later (conveniently day 1 of my cycle was soon after) and then would have let us start treatment straight away if my fsh had played ball. Hopefully the same will apply to you. I am sure they will be very honest about your best options and chances. Hopefully you also get your nhs appointment soon so you can ask the questions you have.

Caro I was on quite a strict diet for the endo including lots of supplements. Decided for me it was worth throwing everything at it so I was doing everything I could. Diet was basically no gluten, only 2 portions of dairy a week, no or very little refined sugar, only 1 portion of red meat a week. Was all on the advice of a nutritionist though who recommended the supplement to go with the diet. Re the immunes I don't think they are proven but obviously ARGC and other clinics believe they play a role. 

Trin Trin - hope you are ok? Guess you must be stimming now or about to start?

Carter - so glad to hear everything is going well - yay!

Afm - 9 weeks today and driving myself totally crazy. My husband thinks I am mad and google too much - he is right of course! Worrying myself about every symptom, whether I have enough symptoms (do I feel nauseous enough today etc). So want to get to the 12 week scan and for everything to be ok.

Hi to anyone else reading x


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## Trin Trin

Happy New Year everyone!!! Lets hope this year will give us remaining ladies a take home baby🙏🙏🙏

Klconfused - sorry to hear about how the thought of treatment again is making you feel. Lets hope this cycle will be the one for you......but if it isn't you have a plan of action with what's going to happen next. Whether its medicated IUI or IVF. You mentioned you haven't had the long protocol before......is there a particular reason? Could this be something for you to consider trying next if required? The fertility drugs do turn you a bit loopy.....I'm on them now!!! Like you I detest how they make me feel, side affects, mood swings, hot flushes, being a pin cushion for 4 weeks...but I'm trying to accept and control how I feel and react.....but it's hard. Fingers crossed for 10th🙏

Caro - I'm hoping a fresh start with new clinics, tests will be the change your body needs. I felt revitalised and listened to when I changed from London Womens Clinic to Herts & Essex.

MiniM - glad to hear all is well and I know and remember the feeling of wanting to get to 12 weeks to feel reassurance all is well. Hoping the next 3 weeks fly by quickly for you!!

Carter - Glad to hear your babies are growing and developing well. Don't be a stranger your support is still required... I need it!!!;-)

AFM well I've been injecting suprecur for 2 weeks. I'm officially a pin cushion!! Scan tomorrow and the stims start as well as above. (Double pin cushion):-( egg collection is estimated for 21st Jan.....we'll see how things go. Consultant is going to change it up a bit... gonal f first then something else which I can't remember lol!

Anyway I'll update soooooon x


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## Carter4

Hey Penelope hope everything is going well?

KL - The DE subject is a tricky one, because on the one hand I want to advocate/encourage this next step for you, but on the other I would be basing this on my journey not yours. All I can say is that I have no regrets making this move, but also speaking very honestly I have had one or two blips, totally fleeting, where I have worried about somewhat ashamedly their looks. Will they have random colour eyes? Will they have a roman nose? No sooner have I thought this, then I realise I don't care a jot, but the thoughts still manage to break through from time to time! Also I have two friends, both 40, one underwent four rounds of ivf, and never even had a sniff of a bfp, they gave up, guess you can see where this is going, she fell pregnant and had her first(!) at 40, then 6 months later, fell again, and her second is due a couple of months after ours!! I mention this more because her eggs are clearly good in comparison to mine, even though we only have a few days separating us age wise. My other friend, spent years ttc naturally, and needed ivf in the end, in her mid 
thirties to have her first. She has since had five more pregnancies(!), all natural(!), two going to term, the two most recent again, literally in the last two months, one sadly ectopic, and the other is very early days. Again in her forties!!! 
Sorry for the huge waffle, but does your instinct tell you whether your eggs are any good? Not hope, but feeling! I instinctively knew, but resisted! Hope this makes sense? Agree about the no guarantee for DE, we were extremely lucky in that sense. Not long until you test, here's hoping you get a great start to the new year. Having spoken to you for over a year now, all I want to do is give you a massive hug, and say be kind to yourself, and cut yourself some slack. Tackle one thing at a time, and if that doesn't work, then move onto the next obstacle. The one advantage of DE, is your age is irrelevant, a little safety net in the background. 

caro - I hope you get your dream this year too. You're right about DE being a big decision, and I hope renewed tests shed light on your next path to take.

MiniM - 9 weeks already, wow, where does the time go?! When is your 12 week scan? Keep us posted.

Trin - Helllooooo! All the support in the world, ready and waiting for you, and the other ladies on this thread. Hope your DR scan has gone/goes well today. Not long for EC then, exciting.......hope the tweak to your protocol gives you your much wanted take home baby, oooodles of luck, hope this is the one Trin.

Hi to anyone else xxxx


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## caro8500

Hi All

KL...how are you getting on...nearly the end of the 2 week wait for you? We do seem to be similar points in this whole process. I have previously used a satellite clinic near to where I live, egg collection and transfer is done at Seacroft Leeds. I think we'd be looking at CARE Manchester or CARE Sheffield this time. Find it all a bit scary going somewhere new. Not to mention getting my head around the cosst. At the clinic I currently use you pay 1 set fee for IVF (which includes all consultations, scans, bloods etc)and pay cost of your drugs on top. Its a lot less than the clinics where you pay individually for everything. I think we'll just go for a consultation initially and see what they say then take it from there. No idea even how much you'd pay for a consultation?

Trin...hope the scan went ok and you're on with your stimms. Sounds positive that they are adding some extra stuff to your cycle. Fingers crossed that its whats needed to do the trick this time

Mini M. Thanks for the info. Diet sounds quite intense. I really need to get back with the programme after total blow out over Christmas though. Think I might try and look for some endo friendly recipes. Doesn't help that DH is really fussy and a meal isn't a meal without meat! I'll probably end up having to cook 3 different meals! Do you feel its that that's made the difference to your endo. Great news things progressing with the pregnancy....bet you just can't wait for that scan now. 

carter...Yes hoping the testing might give us an indication of what to do next. I was wondering whether clinic would give us their view of whether DE might be the best way forward or whether they tend to leave it to you to ? Hope the twinies are growing well  

Hi to anyone else still reading 
x


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## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Klconfused - thinking of you and hoping if you tested its the result we're all praying for🙏🙏. I've been on this thread for a year now and you're the founder and creator. It's about time we get some luck!!!

Caro - new clinics can be daunting but also sometimes what's needed. A fresh start, new perspective, trying a different protocol as sometimes clinics get stuck in a robotic approach where one method fits all and not always willing to try something else. Egg donation crops up in my mind sometimes and I guess it's similar to using donor sperm which I have always done. I would need to think very hard of I explored that route as we'd be using donor sperm and eggs!!

Carter - glad to hear you're still here for us remaining to fulfill our dream.

Mini M - not long now for your scan🙏

AFM - I'm feeling a bit deflated. Had my scan after 5 days of stimming and not much happening. Follicles are still pretty small with one dominant on each side Last time (this time last year) there was much more activity. So they have increased my dose from 225 to 300 and changed from gonal f to merional. Scan again on Friday....I know each cycle is different but I had 4 or 5 follicles on each growing nicely. 

Makes me worry about egg quality which is something we're all worrying about on here:-(

Anyway lets hope the increased dose and change of stims does the trick.

Bye for now xx


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## KLconfused

Trin - It sounds good this clinic are on to things early. I was always on 300 of gonal F even with an AMH of 17.5 so hopefully just upping that will give you the result we all want. 
In answer to your previous question I have only done the short protocol. When I first did IVF my AMH was 2 and the doc said they didn't recommend long protocol as it shuts the system down and they couldn't guarantee it would restart. The next IVF round my AMH was 17.5 but they still did short protocol. Something for me to ask ARGC as well. 
I know the DE question is a hard one for me too as we also have to use donor sperm. Donor embryos are apparently cheaper and easier to find but it feels like id be using someone elses cast offs so im not sure about that. 

Mini - well done on that regime for your endo - hats off to you. Huge willpower! Ive started healthy eating and been doing it a week. Ive comfort eaten since the miscarriage in August and now need to stop. Going Ok so far. 

Caro - I totally understand being scared to start again at a new clinic. I am and im terrified of the cost. I know I would give any amount of money for a baby but giving it and not getting one scares me soo much, especially as I doubt id want to stop there!

AFM - BFN today im afraid. AF due Saturday and didn't come but I couldn't face testing. My AF always comes just after I test. So no AF this morning, got a bit excited, tested, BFN then AF 5 mins later. Hubbie thinks im stressed and that's what holds AF back. Next time ill test 3 days early and keep testing so I don't build it up so much I think. But interestingly neither me or hubbie wanted to test as we preferred to live with a little hope on Saturday and sunday rather than know it was a BFN. I am inconsolable at the moment. Cant seem to stop crying today. Have stayed in with DD. 

Someone asked about my gut feeling about my eggs. Well until today I felt they were Ok. I thought I would get there. I think ive tried with donor about 8 times, didn't ovulate 2 and got pregnant 1 time. If I had a fertile husband I would just keep trying with him I think. But now my cycles erratic I cant see my donor until peak day and then last month It was that night so probably too late anyway. So using a private donor isn't working for me really. It was until my cycle went nuts. I think you need to DTD the day before peak but I don't know when that is and I hate wasting my donors time when we try before peak then I don't get a peak. Its a head mess but I wouldn't worry about that if it was hubbie. My grandmother and greatgrandmothers had last kids by accident at 41, 43 and 48 so I was hopeful. But they had a fertile husband and didn't have Crohns.  I have been ovulating every other month so not expecting to try again before ARGC. 

I know your all suffering too and I know im winging, I just feel so upset. Im scared to go to London for the clinic (frightened of terrorists now). Im scared of the cost. I hate this part of my life even though its the best time ever with DD. I just want this phase of my life over however it ends. DE or OE I just want this to stop


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## Carter4

caro - I've only ever been with Care, we have had little niggles but nothing major, more to do with the admin side of things. The last I recall, the consultation fee was about £150, but that was 18mths ago so I should imagine it has hiked up since then. Re DE I think it depends on the individual clinic. If you mention it yourself Care should respond in an honest fashion, but it's difficult to say at this stage, until all tests are collated. I'm still hopeful for your OE's x

Trin - See how this cycle goes, despite your last two outcomes I am optimistic for your current cycle. The clichéd saying of it only takes one, is still apt for you and I genuinely believe your eggs are an okay quality after two bfps. This is the one, hang in there. The more cycles you do the more similarities and differences you see (whaaaatttttt, double dutch I know, but it does makes sense). Your follies are slower this time, but will still get there, and the dose increase will certainly help. Good luck for Friday x

KL - Sorry that it was a bfn, especially since your AF teased in such a way. It's an awful lot of pressure you are under, trying to figure your peak ovulation times combined with a donor. No wonder your emotions flooded today. Hopefully when you meet with ARGC you'll start to see a light at the end of the tunnel x

AFM - Twinnies growing well. Had an appointment at the hospital today. Was unlucky enough to have an internal scan because the registrar wanted to measure the length of my cervix, standard procedure apparently for twin pregnancies. So had DH, registrar and chaperone there, oh the joys, it's all coming back to me just how undignified this pregnancy lark can be! I used to be such a prude too, you'd never know it now, lol. The upshot of this was that we got to see them both, albeit briefly.


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## caro8500

Trin...I always hate that first scan...I never seem to have much growing and panic but have learnt it just takes me a bit longer for them to grow up (full 12 days). Hope its the same for you and things will look much better on Friday (PS I didn't get on well with Gonal F either)

KL Sorry its another BFN. There's always that hope until AF arrives or the test result says otherwise and I wish so much sometimes that I didn't have that hope then it wouldn't be so bloomin disappointing but I guess its the hope that keeps us going. We are back on the trying naturally then counting down the days to AF and it sucks!! 

Carter... Glad you are sticking around on the thread. Its great to bounce some ideas off you...particularly as you have been through DE and at Care. Truthfully I am still hopeful for my own eggs but need some reassurance to keep trying with them I think.  I would definitely look at DE though if I was told that was the best way forward.

AFM. Had 2 appointments this week. First was with endo gyne consultant and I'm having day 21 bloods done again over the next 2 months to check ovulation as I just want to be sure I am ovulating to continue to try naturally for now. Also if I'm not he said he can help with that (Clomid I presume). Also had my IVF follow up. They won't re test amh and fsh (last time amh was 11.2) and they say because I have responded ok with the IVF's then I don't need it retesting. I couldn't think of my argument to insist for it (any help with that ladies?). They have however done bloods for any possible clotting issues, lupus and Thrombophilia screening incase that could be effecting implementation and will get results in 3 weeks. 
Added to this i will find out in the next week whether I still have a job. Its DS 4th birthday (FOUR...I can't believe it!!) and we are having a party on sat with 15 kids and a bouncy castle! Also we have to submit application for which primary school we want him to go to...the stresses of this could take up another thread of its own to be honest !! It's all going on at the moment!

xx


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## caro8500

Trin...How do you get on today? Hope all good. xx


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## Carter4

Popping on to see how today went for you Trin? Hope it went well xx


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## Trin Trin

Evening everyone 

Klconfused - so sorry to hear that it was a BFN this time. I hope you're feeling if only a little bit better than you were a few days ago. Each BFN while I was doing IUIs became harder and harder to bare, so I know you're feeling. If its any comfort I think I mentioned to you before that it took me 7 attempts of IUI to work for me....which is kind have similar to your method just without the clinics. 

London isn't too bad and I'm sure you'll get used to the fast pacing city. Although intense and expensive I only hear positive stories about ARGC. You're a string lady even though you don't feel like it all the time and you will cope with whatever it takes if you choose to go there.

Carter - glad to hear your babies are growing and developing and yes we do forget how during pregnancy and IVF how we just let go and our bodies are exposed to any and everyone seeing/feeling/touching all our private lady bits:-0 

Caro - I think checking everything out tests etc is a good thing to do ensuring all is well ready for your next go. I remember you mentioning your job may not be secure....what crappy timing:-( primary school already...do you know where you want him to go? Are you in the catchment? Birthday party too...wow you've got lots on.

AFM Carter and Caro thanks for asking how my scan went. As you both said and I know every cycle is different BUT I realised my first scan last time was 7 days of stimming and this one was 5 days of stimming which explains the massive difference. Lining is ready which is good and the follicles are growing. 5 big ones and 7 which need to catch up..think there's 12 or 13 but last time there was 19 and 17 were collected....I'm doing it again comparing arghhhhh stop!!

QUALITY not QUANTITY!!! 

Anyway another scan on Monday and Wednesday is still on schedule for EC. Continue injections 300 meronial (think that's what it's called). Anyway have a good weekend ladies xx


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## KLconfused

Hi Ladies, sorry to blurt loads of negativity and then disappear. I really am there with you all the way honestly. 

Trin - Its so hard not to compare but my last cycle went much better than my first ICSI yet I had a baby only from the first go. And I had more eggs second time round and that didn't help. Really it is quality over quantity. I know its hard as I always saw more eggs as more chances but im told it doesn't work that way! I really hope your scan today went well and you are all set for EC Wednesday. I have fingers and toes crossed this is a winning cycle. 

Caro - I would say to the clinic your willing to pay for the AMH so why not do it. Ive heard it doesn't change that drastically but another thing to ease your mind. I hope you got good news about your job? Wow and a 4th birthday. Im preparing for my daughters 2nd birthday and I find them ridiculously exciting, although I seem to be sad a lot of the time now as the time has gone too fast and she feels so grown up already. Good luck with trying naturally. I know this sounds weird but im so jealous of you being able to try naturally. You have every chance of it working although it does make each month very stressful!

Carter - Id echo the comments that we want you to stay on here. I think there are a few of us thinking of DE if we need to in the future and you are a fountain of experience and knowledge. 

AFM on day 8 but not expecting to ovulate this month. If I do its this week and my donor is away. When he told me I cried for about 2 days. I cant bear the thought of a wasted egg. Who would have thought it could be so hard to get hold of some sperm! Ive racked my brains for options but cant find any and I probably wont ovulate anyway. Its hard as I got a BFP so easily with my donor at the start and I thought 'wow this was so easy'. But It seems its not to be again. I hope the clinic can try IUI. Ive given up on clomid as I assume that's something you take and use whilst trying at home but I cant try at home properly. 
The tension has started in the house again. Hubbie moaning about taking a day off work for the clinic, he later denied he said that. Gonna have to strap in for a bumpy ride this year I feel. Looking forward to, and also dreading, Feb 3rd ARGC appointment. Still nothing from the NHS. 

Trin - tell us news as soon as you can


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## MiniM

Hi ladies

Sorry for being quiet work has been pretty full on so quite exhausted and still suffering from nausea.

Trin Trin - sounds like this cycle is going well so far - I have everything crossed for you. I remember reading before ( in Agate's guide to failed ivfs) that 8 - 15 eggs is good and no more and sounds like you are in that range.  Assuming egg collection is this week good luck and let us know how you get on.

Carter - really glad everything is going well for you.

KLconfused - not long until your appointment now I hope cycling (hopefully iui) through a clinic will reduce the stress of donor availability etc  and they can help ensure you ovulate when needed. I know you are concerned about using a clinic in London but I am sure that after a couple of visits you will get used to it (don't expect a posh London clinic they definitely aren't using their profits on decor the carpets are threadbare on the stairs!).  It's also quite a nice calm area and a Regents park is just a few minutes walk which is lovely. 

Caro  - hope you are ok.

Afm 11 weeks tomorrow and still worrying! Scan is the 30th so not long now. Seeing a consultant on Wednesday though not entirely sure now whether it's because I'm on thyroxine or because I got my midwife to check my uterus at my booking appointment because it's much higher than it should be and seems to be up more one side. Concerned about that too in case my adenomyosis is growing. Hopefully the consultant/a scan will answer that and all will be ok. 

Take care x


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## Carter4

Trin - Hope you get lots of big juicy follies at your EC tomorrow.

Mini - Boooo to naff nausea, and fantastic news getting to 11 weeks. Hope consultant appointment goes well tomorrow, and good luck for your scan on the 30th.

caro - Sorry I didn't answer your previous query. Can you not get the tests done privately? If your clinic won't do them because they don't do separate costings, then go through your gp, and see if it can be done as fertility investigations. If looking like a no go, then offer to pay (as a last resort  ). Hope you survived your DS's party alright. Did he enjoy it? Good luck with hanging onto your job.

KL - Not long until the 3rd now, the waiting around is often the most challenging, hang in there.


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## Trin Trin

Hi all

Thanks for all your well wishes. Feeling deflated prematurely I know but this cycle just hasn't gone as well as last time. EC was scheduled for Wednesday but follicles weren't ready. Told me to take another dose of stims. I thought I had one left they didn't check.....got home and went to take my evening dose and no meds!!! Had to call in morning to explain then rush to clinic in morning to take 11 hours late.

Egg collection today and not the best news although its early days. They collected 11 eggs and received a call which I didn't expect today to tell me only 5 were mature......need to wait now until the morning to see how many fertilise......I'm panicking thinking the eggs aren't good enough.  The embryologist wrongly or rightly said it wasn't the best news......not sure if I prefer the honesty😕

Plus I keep comparing to last time 17 collected, 9 mature, 5 fertilised, 2 transferred on day 3 and 1 frozen. If this pattern happens again I may have none or only 1 to transfer😕

Sorry for no personals I will just feeling on edge regarding call in the morning.

Hope everyone is ok x


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## Penelope Pitstop

I am still lurking in the background....just wanted to say good luck gir call tomorrow Trin Trin. I know it's a cliche but it really only does take the one xxx


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## MiniM

Have everything crossed for your call tomorrow Trin Trin x


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## caro8500

Trin....Gosh what a stressful time. Must have been awful when you realised you had no meds. Coming from someone who has never had many eggs...it can still happen! Really hoping it does for you.xxx


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## KLconfused

Trin - Best of luck for todays call           

I know everyone says it but it only takes one and also my worse cycle was the one I got Isobel from. 

Will be thinking of you today.


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## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Thanks to you all for your well wishes. Three have fertilised and will know more tomorrow re grading etc. Planning on ET on Sunday (day 3) but they're hoping for day 5 but its too early to know what day it will be. He even discussed the possibility of transferring all 3.....

Not sure, I guess depending on the grades will influence my decision. What do you all think?? Or if possible do I try and leave one for a frosty..I've also decided that this cycle will be my last:-( Fertility has taken overmy life since trying for a sibling in 2011 and I can't do it anymore. I guess one reaches a point when enough is enough.....and I've reached that point. I think I have the oldest child on this thread with my daughter being 10 now. I should have tried sooner and not left it so long. Financially I feel sick with what I've spent and of course it's worth every penny when it works. 

Let me know your thoughts on transferring 3 if possible. Your opinions mean a lot to me.

As always thanks for all your support x


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## Carter4

Hey Trin

Hang in there my lovely. 

Hurrah to three fertilising, 'they' say 60-70%, which you hit. I know the numbers you are working with are scary, but keep believing your LO is in there. 

Speaking honestly I'm not sure I would have the courage to go to blast. Is it ultimately your decision?

Transferring all three makes me go eeeeek, but then again it can be normal practice for us more mature ladies. It's such a difficult choice, and one that may be taken out of your hands come tomorrow. 

If this turns out to be your last ever go, I personally would want a frostie as a safety net in the background, but you might be absolutely desperate to close the door completely. 

Back to the numbers though, don't be frightened of them, my donor left us with six, of which five were mature, and three fertilised. I have since found out she was right on the cusp of the age cut off point, so only a few years younger than us, don't give up hope just yet.

Big hugs, and tonnes and tonnes of luck for your call tomorrow xx


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## KLconfused

Trin, 3 fertilised is good. My friend with DE from a young donor only had 5. 
Personally I would definitely put the 3 back at the same time. The chances of triplets are so small anyway. If you really think you couldn't cope with triplets if you had them then go for 2 but if you could then 3 it is. Take one step at a time as my IVF nurse always said. 

Im not sure about day 3 or 5. I never was given the option. I needed 6 or more embryos for my clinic to go to day 5 and we never had that many. I was always grateful to get as far as a 2ww so I think id go for 3 days. 
Both these things are so intensely personal though so I hope I haven't offended. 

As for this being your last go I totally get where your coming from. Not a great time to make such a huge decision and hopefully it wont be required anyway. 

Fingers crossed for you this weekend. Thoughts are with you.


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## MiniM

Trin 

3 fertilised is in line with what they expect so well done. I think given the choice I'd be wanting them put back on d3 but then I'm a worrier....

Regarding how many to put back it is such a personal choice. I would probably make a decision based on what they tell you about quality. If 3 are good I'd put 2 back and hope to have one to freeze. If any are lower quality I'd be tempted to take the risk, throw everything at it and go for all 3 but only if you would be fine with triplets/twins if they all took. Hopefully the doctors will guide you quite a lot. 

Good luck for the next few days x


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## Trin Trin

Thanks Kl, Carter and MiniM

I appreciate all of your opinions and advice. Clinic just called and all 3 embryos are top quality and have divided nicely to 4 cells. The embryologist discussed everything with me again and asked my thoughts on transferring 2 or 3. I am adamant that enough is enough for me now and I do feel ready to let go of fertility. If I leave one remaining it means starting again and I don't want to open this door again? As its taken over. So I'm putting all into this cycle, so they want me to come in today as there's no need to wait until tomorrow to see progress and the best environment is in the natural environment. If I was transferring 2 they would do tomorrow to see which ones are the better 2.

Need to sign a consent form about 3. I am nervous about 3 but I have in my mind its unlikely 3 will stick right I'd prefer 3 babies than 0 baby but the risks of multiple births and the possible complexities worry me BUT its a risk I'm willing to take rightly or wrongly.......perhaps I'm crazy😱

Going in at 1045..... Thanks ladies this thread is just the best place for support xxxxx


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## KLconfused

Trin - so exciting you are now in the 2ww. For what its worth I would have done exactly the same. A FET cycle isn't easy either you just miss the EC really. Chance of triplets is so low and if you got twins the risks with them are small these days. Im so pleased for you. So many people get pregnant on their last go. Lets hope it works for you too


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## Trin Trin

Thanks Klconfused.

Yep I'm officially in the 2ww. Test day is 5 February and I'm not testing early. With my first cycle I did two days before and my FET I waited....but it was only an eight day wait. This wait is 12 days!!!

I've thrown everything into this cycle....lets see if works out in my fabour🙏 x


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## caro8500

Hi

Just back from girlie weekend and looks like I've missed all the excitement. Congratulations on being PUPO Trin. I think I would have deffo gone with the 3 if I had the choice. After going through so many cycles I think it gets too the point where you just want to maximise your chances and you don't want to be left with any regrets on your last cycle.Great that they are back where they belong early on and you haven't had to make that horrible 3 or 5 day choice either. I feel really really positive and hopeful for you. x

Well loads been happening here recently. Found out I will still have a job (different role) but the process has been horrendous and I'm a bit of an emotional wreck over it all at the moment, but will explain more when feeling a bit more settled about it. Can't remember if I've said previously but DH got made redundant at the end of November and is currently still being paid but will need to find a job within the next few months. My anxiety is really bad at the moment, particularly over the last week and TTC has been taking a bit of a back seat which isn't great but just haven't got the head space for everything at the moment. We've put in application for DS schools, no clear one school he is likely to get into and he may end up at school with no one he knows from nursery. Also very few of the schools have before or after school clubs and have no idea how will manage the school run and fit it around work but got to try not to think about it at the moment as just add's to stress. DS's party was fab though, he loved it and so did we. Proper grown up boy now


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## Trin Trin

Evening

Caro thanks for your well wishes. Good news regarding having a job although its not the same role. I hope your DH gets another job soon. I've been there before and my DH with redundancy and the need to get another job. Try not to stress too much but I know easier said than done. Waiting for the school your child has been given I can't lie is an anxious time while waiting to know. Good luck!!

Question to you ladies....may be a bit personal but I'm sure you won't mind. What's your view on sex during 2ww? Can't lie me and DHs sex life isn't the highest...on average maximum twice a week;-) if hes lucky 3 times if im being generous haha. On this ocassion I don't want to and i have before during the 2ww. sex is the last thing on my mind but for some men they need it.

I know it's not forbidden to but am I being overly cautious?? I just don't want to blame anything for it not working. I know I'm being crazy and I still have 11 days left.....

Anyway I hope everyone is doing okay xx


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## amandaloo

Sorry to interrupt your lovely thread 

Trin trin empty your inbox ! 

Best of luck ladies x


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## Trin Trin

Haha hey Amandaloo....I've cleared my inbox.

Ps plenty of room on this thread for you too x

Ladies - have any of you experienced feeling cold and shivery during the 2ww?

Hope your all ok xx


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## Carter4

Sorry to have disappeared at such a crucial time Trin, DD was hit with a vomiting bug, and then a couple of days later DH and I followed suit, bleurghhhh. Anyway it's great to see you safely in the 2ww with your three little embies on board. On the subject of sex during the 2ww, we abstain, always have done when going through any of my treatment cycles. I'm sure you can keep your DH preoccupied in other ways  .  Ooooh and on my DD's cycle I had a couple of hours one evening where I felt achey, shivery and flu like in my thighs/legs, so here's hoping it's a good sign for you xx

caro you've got loads on, goodness! Great news about your job, but sorry to hear that it has been such an arduous process for you. It must all seem a bit overwhelming right now, but these things do have a way of working out. Really hope your DS gets to be with some of his nursery mates though xx


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## Trin Trin

Poor you Carter!! I hope you're all feeling better now!! No worries about not being on a few days.....it wasn't that long lol. I'm going to try and not look at FF or google until Friday.....well I'm going try!!

Took you advice re DH 😉 that should keep him happy for a while lol. Thanks sharing your experience re feeling cold. Someone on the 2ww board said it could be immune issues......😁I kinda was thinking the same but I must keep positive until test day (8 days to go😩😩😩 not testing early! Although tempted!!

Have a good week ladies.

Kl - when are you going to ARGC? X


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## KLconfused

Trin - Hi, yes we also abstain through treatment. To be honest a few months back I cried when me and DH had sex when I was ovulating. I couldn't help it but I was so upset that it should be that easy and it isn't (DH is IF). We haven't separated sex from TTC really so its just a constant reminder. When DD was born and we weren't trying sex was great. Another reason to get this phase of my life over with!

I went to my NHS appointment Monday. Doc was one id seen at the IVF clinic. He said AMH, 12 eggs last EC and a natural pregnancy last year all bode well for medicated IUI so that's what he recommends although NHS wont do it. It was a positive meeting but his face dropped when I told him about private donor and turkey baster - I think he thought I was a loon and taking loads of risks. Maybe he was right but if I was 4 weeks away from having my baby now (as I would have been without the miscarriage) then I would have said it was the best decision ever. Now I wander if I just wasted time and should have gone IUI straight away at a clinic. Although I do still feel a bit odd about a donor ive never met. Guess ill have to get over that. 

ARGC - Tuesday 3rd. Am nervous. Thought about changing to a more local clinic if were doing IUI but if we end up at IVF we will then change clinics again so might as well stay go to ARGC straight off. 

I did ovulate last month so im now in a 2WW as well. Ive had goose bumps for 2 days. Never had that in a pregnancy before and even if there's an embryo it wont have implanted yet so I assume im just cold! Feb 8th my test day although AF could come anytime from 2nd Feb. 

Caro - so glad you have a job and hope hubbie is as lucky now too. I cant imagine the stress with it all going on. Im just starting to think about schools as Isobel is 21 months. I have no clue and I got told the other day all the schools in my area are rubbish - great. 

Hi to everyone else.


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## Carter4

Feeling much better Trin ta. Good luck staying away until Friday, oh, and let's stick with my theory not the immune theory   x

KL - Sounds as if things are starting to move again with these different appointments, must feel better knowing the ball is rolling? God wouldn't it just be so great if you got your bfp in this 2ww, fx as always x

AFM - Still half a stone lighter than my starting weight. Don't know whether to be concerned given I'm nearly at the half way mark. Guess the next scan will reveal all, eeek.


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## KLconfused

Trin - Hi, are you still cold and shivery?
Im on day 8 from ovulation and ive been having goosebumps and feeling cold for about 4 days. Since I had my daughter im usually very hot. I know the weathers colder but this is still unusual. Ive googled and found some sites say 'don't be daft of course that's not a pregnancy symptom' but 1 website where a few pregnant women said they had the same thing. Some sites saying its an infection or bad circulation. Im on immune suppressants for my crohns so it shouldn't be immunes and I have no symptoms of my crohns so I don't think that's coming back (crohns is an immune system disease).  Have you googled it and have you still got the symptoms?


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## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Kl - the feeling of being cold and shivery has gone now and lasted about two days. I'm now having hot flushes especially during the night. I did do a bit of googling and it seemed mixed. I saw a number of people who had this during the 2ww and has a positive and some where it was negative. Some say its an immunes issue. I haven't ever had tests for immunes.....I'm hoping like Carter it's a good thing for us both!! Lets not forget the weather has been quite cold too....i dunno! 

When are you due to test?

Carter - nearly half way, that's flown by. Try not to worry about the weight, my niece although had a singleton didn't gain weight properly until 3rd trimester. Annoyingly everyone would comment how small she was etc..baby was fine and just under 7lbs. I'm sure everything is fine but understand your worry and logic that your carrying twins. 

Caro - hope all is ok.

AFM - finding this 2ww really hard and tempted to test early....not going to though. Really want it to work being my last cycle:-( feeling sorry is all having to go through all of this and that we can't do the 'normal' way:-( Not really analysing symptoms as I don't know if they are or just a result of the drugs and pessaries. Like a crazy lady I have named all 3 embies and talk to them lol. Praying at least one will give me a baby!! Having a 2dt also originally made me feel nervous but my inspiration is Carter!!! plus  reading so many other positive stories.

Anyway by for now hope you're all having a good weekend x


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## KLconfused

Carter - its understandable to worry but I know an anorexic who had a 7lb baby without gaining any weight. They always say  the baby takes what they need and you are left with leftovers. You also said you've had a couple of bugs since being pregnant so that wont have helped. Can you up your food intake incase that helps? 

Trin - im testing 7th (Saturday) but I might test 5th. I always test then get AF a few mins later so might do it earlier to get it over with. Ive got a bad feeling about ARGC on Tuesday and think they will tell me theres a problem and it was never going to work after the miscarriage. Im into the 2nd week of the 2ww and driving myself mad. I can hardly bear it. I got up at 4am as I couldn't sleep. I still have these goosebumps and feel cold. One of my NCT friends had her baby girl 2 days ago too. Im having a down day, despondent this is never going to happen


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## Trin Trin

Ditto!! Kl....I can think of nothing else!!!! Analysing everything twinge ache pull literally everything. Certainly my worst 2ww EVER!! I'm hoping the cold feeling is a positive sign for us both. Please try not to over think the outcome of your ARGC appointment..I truly hope this time next week you won't need it🙏

Lets keep up our positivity we're nearly there. I'm so tempted to test early but I know it will jus upset me if I see a bfn:-( even DH wants me to test a day before but I'm probably going to wait😁😁

Try to keep busy if possible and I'm praying for a BFP for us both!! X


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## Carter4

Thanks for the reassuring words Trin and KL  ps would love to increase my dietary intake, but indigestion puts pay to that!

Feel for both you ladies, if only we could wave a magic bl**dy wand for each other. 

Big fan of 2dt's, so here's hoping the mojo continues for you too Trin.

KL lots of luck for your appt on Tuesday. Maybe test the day after and karma will give you your much deserved bfp!

MiniM I'm hoping your scan went well, and you've just been too busy to pop on?

Hi to everyone else xx


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## Trin Trin

Sorry ladies but I'm going completely out of my mind not knowing!!! Klconfused - how you doing 

I'm now thinking this hasn't worked:-( AF symptoms tummy ache is getting stronger a constant reminder whilst trying to focus at work. Started this afternoon. Feeling defeated sad inadequate and a failure that my body cannot perform a duty I desperately want it to do😢

Sorry for the depressing post but I'm venting how I'm feeling. I know you all won't mind.....x


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## Trin Trin

Probably going to test in the morning to get the pain and anguish out the way so when AF arrives it won't be such a blow!!


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## Carter4

Ahhh Trin I sincerely hope your AF prediction is incorrect. How many days post transfer are you? Hugs lady, the 2ww is a complete messed up head space to be xx


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## Trin Trin

Thanks Carter, I'm 9dt2dt


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## Carter4

......well I really shouldn't advocate testing early Trin, but I did get my positive at this stage with the twins, however I had a buddy at exactly then same point (had two transferred also), who tested the day after, got a negative, waited a couple more days, then got a positive, and she is currently pregnant with a singleton, so it really does depend on how many embies may have implanted. Try and hold off if you can, the only reason I tested early is because I had some spotting, and I was royally pi**ed off that the witch was going to get me! I had AF cramps too, so let's hope it proves a positive symptom for you too x


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## Trin Trin

Carter thank you so much for your post today. It really settled and calmed me down whilst at work as I was freaking out a bit and really cross with it all. You'll be glad to know I've calmed down!!

You're absolutely right and I'm going to resist testing....and I'm comforted to hear you experienced AF symptoms too. No bleeding as of yet so I just need to brave this out hopefully AF free until Thursday🙏 if I compare to my last fresh cycle I started spotting 2 days before OTD......still getting the pulling, tugging, stretching feeling if that makes sense, but during the day it was AF tummy ache type feeling.

Anyway, thank you again.

Kl - hope your okay hon x


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## KLconfused

Trin, I'm totally with you and going insane. Loads of period pains and feels like af will be here in the morning. I'm not as cold as I was and goosebumps have almost gone. I can't sleep as I'm so tense. I am thinking I'll test in the morning even though it's day 23 and af due day28. Think maybe better to do it before the argc visit.  

I'm resigned to it not working I guess.  I just don't want af tomorrow as I want to start treatment straight away with argc  so would like it to hold off for a few days. 

Anyone watch the programme the vikings are coming the other day?  It was about women using viking sperm and some were doing ivf and some iui. Made me cry. 

Got directions and timings sorted for argc tomorrow.  The last 2 months I've had so many questions I wanted to ask and now I need to write them down minds gone blank.

good luck Trin if you test tomorrow.  When I got pregnant last summer I didn't get a positive test until the day af was due and I had tested from 2 days early


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## MiniM

Hi ladies

Sorry for not being on for a while - work was manic last week and I wasn't feeling too well and then it was my husband's birthday at the weekend. 

Trin and KLconfused the 2ww wait is just the worst bit symptom spotting/hoping/dreading the worst. Try to hang in there and not test to early otherwise you won't be sure of the result anyway. Crossing everything that your symptoms aren't your afs coming and that you both get positive results this week.

KLconfused - good luck for today. The ARGC forum on here always seemed very busy so I'm sure if you forget to ask something there will someone who can answer your questions.

Carter - can't believe you are half way through already that has flown. I'm sure your weight will be fine as long as you are eating a balanced diet and that you are just playing catch up after the nausea etc.

Caro - hope you are ok. Finding a school seems to be quite stressful in lots of places - I know mummies round here have issues too. 

Afm - 12 week scan on Friday was all good - what a relief! Just waiting for nuchal results now. My adenomyosis is growing but they are going to monitor properly from 21 weeks so feeling a bit more relaxed about that too. 

x


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## KLconfused

Hi ladies. Just had my appointment at argc. Consultant thinks I have immune issues. Even pre eclampsia with daughter is a sign and it's likely with crohns. Implantation issues he said. No point doing iui so icsi it is and he recommended husbands sperm and said cycle would be about £12000. He said that really casual. Seems like my bodies completely bloody useless. Not only giving me crohns but fighting the thing I want most. So now we have to decide what to do. Consultant also said basically I've wasted all the time I've been doing turkey baster. He said I have good number and quality of eggs though so he wasn't all horrid. Crap Crap Crap.


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## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

I haven't been on this thread for some time, but after 4 stimming scans, and a good number of follicles growing on both my left and right sided ovaries, some over 20 mm's I am ready for my egg collection tomorrow morning, for my 5th ICSI Cycle.  I am feeling nervous about it since I had a traumatic birth with my son who was born after a 3rd cycle of ivf/icsi, and who was born prematurely nearly 18 mths. ago now, and I had to be put to sleep during my emergency section, as I felt a lot of pain.  So I am not looking forward to having the oxygen mask back on my face tomorrow, but sooner I'll get it done, the better.

"Wish me luck ladies,   and good luck to all of you lovely ladies as well."  

xx


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## caro8500

Just a quick one guys, really sorry but work stuff just awful and haven't felt this bad in a long while. 

KL...Sounds like an interesting appointment. So will they do immunes testing before your ICSI to confirm? I've been thinking a lot whether this might be effecting me too. £12000 is a lot of money but if you can stretch to it and it gets you the end result then I guess  that it will be more than worth it . Great that they are using DH sperm as well.  

Trin...hope you hanging on in there. Any other symptom spottin g been driving you crazy?

Carter...hope your scan goes ok. Do let us know. Crazy that you are so far on already. Where did that time go

Mini M...lovely to hear from you. Great news all looking good  How have you been feeling with the endo/?

Hi to everyone else xx


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## Trin Trin

Sorry for the quick post and no I'm not a Consultant but Klconfused you actually conceived via the method you have been doing and did so in the 2nd month of trying, so your body isn't useless!!! How can they say its been a waste of time??

If no tests were done how did they confirm and tell you such things re immunes and implantation? Sorry but its hard enough going through all of this to be casually told such things.

Rant over, I hope you're okay and sorry for feeling so cross x


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## Trin Trin

Hi all

Just a quick one I tested this morning at 130am OTD is tomorrow and its a bfn......just feel like a huge failure and a let down. I don't foresee any change by tomorrow test was first response.

Just feeling really peed....sorry for depressing post x


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## Carter4

Trin has your AF appeared yet? I refuse to say "so sorry", because, I apologise profusely if this is false hope, BUT I am still hopeful for you. Probably too late now, but use fmu, 1:30am could be considered right at the end of the day. I'm praying it changes for you xx


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## KLconfused

Trin - I know its disheartening but I don't give up. When I was pregnant last year I didn't get a positive until the actual day of AF. I saw you took the test in the middle of the night so the wee wouldn't be strong either to show up the right hormones. 

Thanks for all your words of support everyone after my blurb yesterday. I was sat in the waiting room waiting for hubbie to have tests and was in shock. I don't think yesterday could have gone any worse really. I hate it when I say I think x will happen and people say 'oh your so negative' and then x happens! I had a feeling I would be told id wasted my time with my donor.  Sadly the consultant does make sense. Since starting treatment for #2 ive felt my body was resisting and I told a few people but they thought I was mad. My womb goes hard a lot. I know its random. I was also on very strong immune suppressants when I got pregnant with DD and now im on weaker ones. I also asked before about that and people said it didn't matter. If I have an immune problem it doesn't explain why the other 3 embryos didn't work that I had when I was on the strong immune suppressant though. 

So the plan with ARGC is to do a test cycle starting with my next day 1 (due by sunday). I will have the immune tests done that month as well as some hormone bloods and a scan. Then they tell me the results and decide what to do. 
Yesterday we were only at the clinic an hour and I think it took us all day with getting there and back, and they don't really use the Oxford branch even though its advertised so no idea how we will do it logistically. He said the costs were £12k roughly plus £1500 immune treatment. I could cry. It will wipe us out and the thought of doing it (max 2 times) and having nothing at the end of it doesn't bear thinking about. 

So he also said the chances of success at my age are 35%. He recommended we use hubbies sperm but that reduces it to 30%. I decided this morning id rather use donor sperm as 5% is a lot of a chance to lose. But hubbie wants to use his sperm.

I think hubbie and parents have rallied to say they will help with the logistics and I just want to get on with it. They do lots of procedures so you have to have a hysteroscopy before ET (well its recommended). Im gutted as ive been trying with donor 7 months as I really HATED IVF and clinics and wanted to avoid it and the doctor just said that was a waste of time. If you have immune issues you can still get pregnant but you miscarry. I heard you miscarry earlier than 11 weeks with immunes but I didn't ask him about that. I was struck a bit dumb half way through as I was expecting IUI and we got to £13k of IVF. 

Im scared of all the drugs you have to have with the immunes and I don't want it to cause a crohns flare. He was positive about my egg reserve and egg quality though so if it is immunes and they can help that then I must have a chance. 

A friend told me I hadn't wasted all my time with my donor as I needed some time away from a clinic so maybe that's how I should look at it. 

I know the immunes is a new area and not agreed upon by all medics. I suppose I want them to find an issue as they can help but if theres no issue then maybe its still worth carrying on

So I want to keep going with my donor until we actually start an IVF cycle. Hubbie isn't sure. But the doc could be wrong. The results could come in in a month and theres no immune issue and I missed that month of trying. A few weeks off ovulation now anyway. Although If I did get pregnant again with donor would I just miscarry again. 

My gut instinct is that I knew my body was fighting getting pregnant since I started trying again but I didn't know what it meant and so I think the doc is right. It was interesting as the doctor from my previous clinic said 1 baby from 2 x ICSI and 2 x FET was good whereas ARGC said I had 7 top quality embryos and only 1 baby so there must be something else wrong. 

They also told my husband to take some specific vitamins and me too. Weve never been told that before. 

I suppose having had a chance to get over the shock I think I have to accept it isn't all my husbands fault and maybe there is now something wrong with me too  

The money scares me because it could be used for my daughters schooling. The schools round here are rubbish so we were sending her private but with this she could end up in the local rubbish school and with no sibling either. 

Sorry such a long message and all over the place. My heads in a spin at the moment. Ive forgotten really about testing this month. Ill test Monday if no AF but I hold out no hope now for a pregnancy until the IVF course.


----------



## KLconfused

Oh and the consultant also said they don't have better IUI results than anywhere else so id be better going somewhere more local and cheaper if I wanted IUI. But it wont work if I have immune issues and they wont give me the immune drugs with IUI as the immune drugs have a lot of side effects and are quite a big deal so they wont do that for the 5% chance of success IUI gives you. 
Don't know why no clinics seem to want to do IUI. I don't see how IUI can be such low success with a woman with DH sperm issues. How do all those millions of people get pregnant out in the real world at the drop of a hat if just shoving sperm up there was so unsuccessful!


----------



## Carter4

KL - Didn't watch the programme, but my mum mentioned it too. Brilliant news that you can use DH's swimmers, but blimey I bulked at that 'casual' price tag. Not sure why because we spent well in excess of this, but our most expensive cycle was about £7000. Still will be so worth it if you get a result. Did they provide stats? I concur with Trin, how could you possibly be wasting time if you had a pregnancy at one point. 

Dolphins - Good luck with your EC this morning. Hope the process isn't too traumatic for you.

MiniM - Fab news on your 12 week scan. Hope your adenomyosis behaves, but again good news that you will receive extra monitoring.

caro - Hope work improves for you soon.

Hi to anyone else still reading xx


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## KLconfused

Caro - thanks for your reply. Im not sure how many clinics buy into the immunes thing. Certainly my last clinic didn't and they wouldn't even test me for it because Im on immune suppressants anyway. It might be a complete red herring but I wont know until I get the results in a month or so. 
Im so sorry your feeling stressed out at the moment. How are things with hubbies job hunting? It always seems that things cant get much worse when your going through IF but often they do. Things will get better though, big hugs  

carter - I think at my last clinic it was around £7000 for an ICSI so yes this is quite a shock. Id pay it obviously to get a baby but im scared that if 1 go fails they will say they can try xyz and id want another go. I can see a remortgage coming on! Stats are 35% chance but 30% if I use DH sperm. Doc said I had above average reserve and quality for my age so maybe a bit higher. But that's all before the test cycle so a lot can change. Just want day 1 now so I can get on with it. 

Dolphins - I hope today went well. Its always good to get EC over with. 

Trin - I know tomorrow is a very big day for you and I expect you will test again at 1.30am! Im usually awake about 3am so if you want to chat in the middle of the night just pm me. Im hopeful it will be happy news you will be sharing tomorrow.


----------



## Trin Trin

Thanks everyone for your support. I couldn't go work today, dropped daughter to school and went to my sisters and cried like a baby😢 She did her best but no one apart from you ladies actually knows how hard and how much this actually hurts. I feel like this has absorbed my life for 3 years and still no baby. I also feel like I'm an addict to trying as after a good cry although saying I can't do anymore I can't let this go. 

One could call me spoilt but anything in life I want or yearn for I will always fulfil through hard work, determination, save, study etc and I feel like if I give up I've been beaten. Hope this makes sense.... I do accept that I can't continue forever but on average between you I'm sure you've tried 3 times with a fresh? I've done 2 fresh now and one FET. Chemical, miscarriage and I know you're all saying perhaps I tested too early but I doubt I'll be one of those stories where the result will change....

What I'm basically saying is I don't think I can give up.....oh I don't know but after the cry I feel I can go again. I'll have my review appointment and discuss the immune issue etc

Thanks for your kind works Carter and Kl it been really appreciated. I'm not even sure about testing tomorrow.....I've been going toiletso frequently during the night and wasn't sure to test the first time 1.30 plus i went at 11pm or second which was at 6am plus I drink water during the night too. I'll have to try and go before bed and not go again until 7. Or test on Friday. AF hasn't arrived but I can tell its on her wicked way.

Sorry for the me me me post. Kl I'm glad the appointment went well and that you can start a test cycle next month. Fingers crossed this clinic will provide you with the much wanted sibling. 

Sorry for the long rant x


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## caro8500

Trin...no need to apologise. Not surprised you couldn't go to work, you don't need the pressure of trying to appear everythings ok when you're feeling like you do. Totally get why you feel you can't give up. originally my DH said just one more cycle after first IVF but obviously that didn't happen and now I don't see how I can ever give up (even if thats not very realistic . Maybe try hold out till friday for testing again if your not sure about tomorrow, but know its easier said than done! Big hugs

xxxx


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## Trin Trin

Thanks Caro xxx


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## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

"Thank you all for wishing me luck today."   I just wanted to let you know that I got a WHOPPING 12 eggs from my egg collection today.               In my last fresh cycle I got 7 eggs with only 1 of my ovaries responding last time, but I am pleased to say that both of my ovaries responded this time.   

Unfortunately, I have been in this business for too long and too many cycles to know that it's not the quantity that count's but the quality of the embryo's, if indeed the eggs fertilise, after all it was the last fresh cycle that I got 7 eggs from 2 yrs. ago that give me my precious son, more about my son tomorrow hopefully.

Because during this cycle the stimming regime took longer then it had done in previous cycle's (which included me being on the highest dose of stimming drugs that I have ever been on as well - Menopur 300 iui's, then after a few days they increased it to 375 iui's, due to my ovaries responding slower then they normally do), this has moved my cycle on longer, and unfortunately it now mean's me having to take my pregnancy test the day after my 40th birthday, which certainly isn't an ideal time.  If however, my stimming regime were quicker, it would have fallen a few days before, so sometime's you can't win can you!  But I decided in the end, that I didn't want to wait until March (after my birthday) to do another cycle, I just wanted to get on with it, as I really want another baby, and just want to be pregnant again, and because of my age, and only now having a 12% chance of success, my consultant advised me to do the cycle again sooner then later, so that's what I have done.  I've decided that "a baby" is more important to me, then just celebrating a 40th birthday.  I think that I will just have a belated 40th birthday celebration instead, anyway I don't want to stress myself, trying to organise something for it now, when I have te relatively stay stress free (I know that you'll be saying that it's virtually impossible with a 17 mth. old, to stay "stress free", but I have to try my best, to give myself the optimal chance of pregnancy.  

One more thing before I retire to bed for the night, is to say that I was a little bit anxious this morning, just before I had my egg collection, but I didn't let it overpower me, and get the better of me.  The staff (nurses, and the Anaesthetist) were all very nice to me, esp. when I had explained the couple of bad incidences I have had with anaesthetic previously, and what happened with the birth of my son.  And they kindly said, esp. the anaesthetist that "they would look after me", to be honest "it'll be more then their jobs worth if they didn't."  Therefore, I think they give me a bit more sedative, but as soon as they placed the oxygen mask on my face, I soon started to feel drowsy, and the next min. I knew, was that I was coming round from my anaesthetic, and the staff  were saying that "it's over", I must admit for the first few seconds I was still a bit dazed, and was wondering where I was, and why they were saying "it's over".  But I soon realised, when they were wheeling me to my room.  In my opinion, they did an awesome, and outstanding job,   and I'll have to feed this back to them.    .  They really put me at ease, that I didn't feel or remember a thing.    So no need to worry!   I am in a bit of pain now though!   And bleeding but they said that this is common, and it's pain and bleeding that I can cope with.

Anyway! I have spoke enough for tonight, and sorry it has been so late telling you my news from today, but I have been so tired and headachy from the procedure, as well as the fact that I have got a young son to look after, that I haven't until now, -  sorry girls if you have been waiting for my news.

Goodnight anyway ladies.    And "good luck" to you all.


----------



## Trin Trin

Morning all,

Dolphins congrats on your egg collection, and glad the procedure went well for you this time!! Good luck for your phone call today!!

Okay ladies its seems you were correct re my testing. Today was a BFP.....however it's faint which I had before with my fresh cycle which was a biochemical.With my FET the positive line was much darker. No AF but I feel it coming...we'll see. Not testing tomorrow but will again on Saturday if AF doesn't come before xx


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## KLconfused

Trin - that's great news about the BFP. Really hoping it sticks. I don't know what a chemical pregnancy is?? 

I completely understand what you say about not giving up. You may be able to now hopefully! Ive also always achieved what ive wanted to through hardwork and I feel I wont let IF defeat me. Im not prepared to spend the rest of my life wishing id had another baby. I can handle wishing id had a natural conception and my husband wasn't IF but I cant live without #2. So I cant see me ever stopping either. I did a test this morning and it was a BFN. Its 2 days early but I know im not pregnant. Both other times ive been pregnant ive known. I had initially felt happy after the ARGC consult as I finally felt I might have an answer but now I feel very down. The cost is worrying me and all the operations. Im trying to be more relaxed about it all than I was last year but that's hard. I know its one step at the time. My initial worry is that the NHS will do my day 1-3 tests and my AMH and I can pay £95 for the HIV, Hep b, c etc which is cheaper than the clinic so im waiting for day 1 to get that done. But im worried the NHS wont get the results to the ARGC quickly or they will lose or it something and ill have to wait another month. Im also sure ive got cysts which I didn't have in the last treatment and im concerned that will delay things to. Im 41 in a month 

I cant get the picture of my NCT friend with her son and her new baby daughter out my head. She was totally glowing even though she has a 2 day old. Its crippling


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## Trin Trin

Kl - I totally understand how you feel. I can't be beaten by this and feel really unfulfilled not having another, I know it sounds like I'm ungrateful for my delightful 10 year old but it isn't the case. I want this for her as well as myself. Me and my sister have a 10 year gap which is what I'm used to. It is scary thinking about the money, logistics etc but I'm sure you'll find a way!! After a good cry yesterday.....I do feel that I can do again...but I'll need to have some tests done first.

Biochemical basically means implantation occurs hence the body producing hcg to show as a positive test, but doesn't continue to implant and your period starts. I had this with my first fresh cycle. Positive test but faint on OTD but bled the next day. I'm 12dp2dt which is the clinics official test day. Others have said there test day is too early.....we'll see. X


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## KLconfused

Trin  that test day does seem early but I guess you will know more the next few days. It's all you can hope for at this stage though and that's a bfp! 

BFN for me. Af  tonight. Knew it was coming. Daughters been a nightmare today so we've both been in tears a lot.  I'm really struggling again like I did last ivf 

Should I bother seeing donor this month or wait for mock cycle results?


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## Carter4

Oh wow Trin, I knew it, now your little embie(s) need to behave and hang on for the duration. I pray your cp prediction is incorrect. Each cycle can be so different, so while you are mentally trying to prepare yourself for the worse case scenario, I will be willing your embie(s) on, fx. Re your test date, my clinic gives an otd of 18dpo, so 4 days later!

Dolphins - Hope you received a positive fertilisation call today?

KL - ARGC is notoriously intensive, but their price tag does reflect their success rates. I should imagine in the here and now it all seems pretty overwhelming, but you'll gradually get to tick each stage off, and how exciting to hear how you fair on your mock cycle. Sorry to see your AF has appeared. I know you psychologically struggle letting a month go by, but I would really try and give yourself a break. Just to not have it hanging over you, and embarking on your mock cycle refreshed and raring to go.


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## Trin Trin

Kl - I kinda agree with Carter and chill for a month before the ARGC cycles starts as it is going to be full on!!! However.....during the year on here we get to know our characters etc and I think you'll regard not seeing your donor as a missed opportunity....and perhaps may wander what if.....

Having a break, time out from all of this could be what you need...

Carter - thanks for your positivity, I must say I've turned off a bit as I doubt I'll be one of those lovely stories, where this turns around into good news. I agree each cycle is different as this time I really felt like things were happening. A few spells of nausea, particular twinges which felt unusual etc well I was right that things were going on in there just have to hope as you say that my embie hangs on.....two can't be holding on or my test should have been darker.

AF not arrived but the pessaries could be delaying it...I have no desire to test so will probably do another one tomorrow...they could be slow implanters?? Of course I've gone google mad and there are loads of positive stories.....can I be one of the lucky ones?

OTD debate is a strange one as so far my clinic are the only ones who advise so early......

Dolphins - hope you received positive news re your eggs 🙏


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## KLconfused

Trin - I think a faint line testing that early is great. I bet you will have a very definite line when you test tomorrow 

I just got my day 1 bloods done. NHS have done them but im not convinced they wont loose something or mess it up. Got to wait 2 weeks to find out. 

Booked my scan with ARGC for 16th Feb. We also have to have counselling If were thinking about donor sperm and that's £220!

Im so torn. I looked at create in Southampton and their success rate for DIUI over 40 is 14%. I think that's good. I got so angry with my last clinic because I  felt that they couldn't fix my husbands sperm and so they just wanted to interfere with me as much as possible. But if the sperms rubbish its rubbish. I still don't understand how they can be so trivial about rubbish sperm when its 50% of the DNA. 

so should I go for DIUI 3 times at create and then go to ARGC for IVF if needed?? I don't know. If I do will I have to have all the tests again at create and more money. But I can take my daughter to Southampton easy enough. 
If I do the mock cycle and all the tests with ARGC and then see what they say re immunes etc. But then I know it will waste more time if I switch over to create. 

Sometimes I want to scream at how hard it is to get some healthy sperm - none of the clinics seem to want to give it me without IVF!

Im not comfortable using hubbies sperm for ARGC IVF as I know its rubbish and I want the best chance. If we had a baby of course it would be better that it was genetically both of ours but the chances of having a baby are smaller because we want that. 

And yes , you are right. Ive been in touch with my donor to see if he is available to try again this month


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## Carter4

Trin - You're right, embie(s) could be late implanter(s), and yes you could be one of the lucky ones, why the hell not, I sincerely hope you are! Fingers mega tightly crossed for your hpt tomorrow.

KL - Can I ask what your DH's IF problem is? I only pry, more for the fact that when my cycles imploded last year, I kept thinking how could my clinic categorically infer it was my eggs each time, when DH had shocking motility and morphology, along with 95% sperm antibodies. Well I know the answer now, because as soon as DE was used hey presto, it's twins. On no level am I suggesting DE, because I genuinely believe that you, like Trin, have a good reserve and good quality. I more make mention of it, so that you don't rule out your DH's swimmers. Icsi works wonders buddy, and on a slightly contradictory note good luck as always with your donor this month.


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## Trin Trin

Morning all

Well the test is positive still and darker...but not as dark as I think it should be!! Oh and when I wiped I was welcomed with a streak of reddish blood!!!! So not only I am now thinking about the tests not being dark enough I have the added concern of blood and will it turn into full flow!!

Thanks Kl and Carter for the positivity I need it!! If I'm honest I do feel different but its all so inconclusive. I could get bloods done at the clinic.....I wasn't going to but I'm thinking that's the only way I'll know what's going on....may test again later  today as this morning was a bit of a disaster.....I know I can share and it will probably make you laugh. 

Well I was busting to go loo all night but held it...then I realised I was bursting to do a no.2 but its weird because it was almost like I had to run like I had the runs. So I'm trying to control my wee so I don't do a no.2 at the same time getting on the way of test  so used the first trinkly wee that wasn't full flowing (then the full flow came which is the best with no.2) sorry for tmi!!! Then wiped and saw bits of blood.

Lol....what a carry on!

Kl - I think u should do the test cycle with ARGC then decide what's next....and of course see donor in between;-)


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## Trin Trin

Spotting more now......think its over before it began😢


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## Anjelissa

Trin, I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and have everything possible crossed   
Anj x


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## Dolphins

Hi all  

Sorry I haven't been in touch for the last couple of days, what with all of the travelling to and from clinic upteen times alately and looking after my now 18 mth. old son, it's been manic. :/

It is positive news, we had a phone call from the clinic today, saying that they are going to try and take us to blast on Monday.   We have always made blast, but because of the numbers, they told us to not expect any frozen ones, we'll be lucky if we got a frozen one during this cycle, we have only had 1 frozen one in the past, and that was from our 1st cycle. 

Anyway! We were a bit despondant on Thursday (day 1 post egg collection), as only 4 eggs had fertilised from 12, so we were quite disappointed, as that as been our worst result so far in 5 cycles, 1 day after egg collection.  So we were hugely disappointed, as I was worried that we would have nothing the next day, but in yesterday's phone call they told us that we still had 4 embryo's left, all at 4 cells, and all at grade 1 or 2, which are all good grades.  We then got told that we would hear the next morning (today) to let us know if we were having a 3 day transfer, or taking it to blast for a 5 day transfer, and they told us today, that they are 99% sure that we will have an embryo to transfer on Monday, but maybe none to freeze, at best she said they may be 1 to freeze.  So that's good news, on the blastocyst stage.  

Anyway! Bye for now.

xx


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## Carter4

Hey Trin, on this pregnancy I started spotting two days after otd, and continued to do so for roughly 2/52, sometimes with bright red bleeding (enough to leave obvious streaks on a panty liner). I can't tell you how much it freaked me out. I had the same with DD, only it started 6/7 after my otd, and again lasted 2/52. I'm obviously a bleeder, perhaps you are to? You've got a lot going on in there, having had three transferred, it could be one or two coming away, or 1, 2 or 3 bedding in for the long haul, there would be inevitable bleeding in my opinion. Hopefully getting your hcg tested 48hrs apart will give you a better clue to what may be going on. Don't give up just yet, protect yourself as much as you can, but dare to believe as well, ps I did crack up at your stressful hpt process, but following your second post thought better of too much guffawing. Hugs as always strong lady x

Dolphins - Good luck for ET on Monday.


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## KLconfused

Trin - I had bleeding with daughter and it was the pessaries that did it so hang on in there. 
Also get a digital test then you wont be able to drive yourself mad with how dark the line is! I used a line test the first time I tested after first IVF and I misread the instructions and thought it was a BFP when it wasn't. Ill never use one again. 

Defo get the bloods done at the clinic as that will put your mind at rest. I remember the knickerwatch during the 2ww and early pregnancy and I know how stressful it is. I really feel for you  

Dolphins - good luck Monday. 

AFM - I feel so miserable, really down. Ive been reading the ARGC forum and one lady spent £30k on 1 cycle! That has scared me. we cant afford that. I think im giving up on IUI. I suppose eventually ill end up at IVF anyway so ill have wasted more time and money with IUI. So ARGC it is. Loads of people have said they don't explain things very well so im glad its not just me that thinks that. Also they advertise a satellite at Oxford but you cant actually use it for anything which is very annoying. Everyone goes there for the success rates so ill have to let them get on with it I suppose. Your right Trin, ill wait for results of ARGC test cycle and go from there. Trying every month with my donor has been very stressful but this waiting around is worse I think. Doesn't help you read posts and some women were told they had immune issues then had a natural BFP before treatment, some went to ARGC but didn't do immunes and got BFN and wish they had done immunes. IF is just so unbearable most of the time. I have lots of other things to do but cant seem to focus on anything but the results of this cycle now.


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## Trin Trin

Thanks Angelissa xx

...and you Carter. I do remember you had bleeding this time round. It's just so unsettling:-( plus I constantly feel like AF wants to come properly. Not having painful cramps but the AF feeling mild uncomfortableness. I've lost my appetite too which is not like me and when I eat I get indigestion. Something definitely is going on in there just praying it stays. Not testing tomorrow...x


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## Trin Trin

Sorry Kl - we must have been posting at the same time. I have a digital test but I had a bad experience with it when I is carried in May. Don't even know I'm analysing lines etc. Today is much darker..it's like I need something to worry about. I'm happy with the test now its the spotting and AF feeling.

Sorry you're feeling down today:-( sometimes we read too much. I have heard the vista can reach those sums but this isn't common. I'd say you'd need to have a few thousands excess... I think the first thing is to do the test cycle then see what the outcome is...which should help in deciding what to do. I cannot forget that you became pregnant without any intervention....which I think shouldn't be dismissed with their investigations. Perhaps the outcome of the test could be applied and used at another clinic??


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## Trin Trin

Kl - predictive text in my previous post is terrible - sorry hope it makes sense!!


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## KLconfused

Trin - Think we must have posted together ! previous post for you on page 89! Fingers crossed for you. 

Carter - I didn't answer your question about sperm. They told us hubbie has OATS which is that the sperm have low motility and mobility and are 100% abnormal. What we were told at the last clinic was that sperm have a head, middle and tail. DH sperm has at least 1 of those 3 wrong on every sperm. But they pick  the one with the head that looks Ok and use that for ICSI. Its caused by an undescended testicle when he was born that wasn't operated on until he was 8. 

Im a very logical person and our last fertilisation was rubbish. the sperm are known to be bad so I want to remove them from the equation. Our first ICSI we got 10 eggs, 7 were mature and 4 fertilised and we have 1 DD. I was very ill at this point. Just started on some hefty crohns meds and still quite ill. 
Second ICSI last year we had 12 eggs, 11 mature and only 3 fertilised (well below average fertilisation rates). At the time I was very healthy, in full remission from crohns and id had a healthy child. The only bad difference was the sperm. DH went to an independent person who told him his sperm had considerably deteriated in the time between ICSI's. The clinic never even mentioned this. 
I have heard at my age 1 in 10 eggs are good. So what if I get 10 eggs again and the 1 good one gets paired with a sperm where the head looks Ok but isn't. Game over. The likelihood is ill only get 1 good egg per cycle (if that) and I want to remove the sperm from the equation. Healthy sperm so it must be down to the eggs. I know theres so much emotion around it and obviously if I knew I had 2 or 3 good eggs in there id try DH sperm of course. But im prepared to go through so much to try to get a good egg I don't want to do anything to risk it. 

Also I did get pregnant with donor after only 2 months and it seemed so easy. 

Such a lot of waffle sorry. Me and hubbie are ok with donor sperm as ive been using a donor for a while and was pregnant using him last year and me and DH were ecstatic. We have a counsellor in 10 days to discuss it so we will see what happens then. Hubbie has a habit of changing his mind!


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## Carter4

Trin that mild AF uncomfortableness is exactly how I was, so I'm genuinely optimistic for you. When do you plan to test again? Are you booked in for a scan yet with your clinic? Good luck if you go ahead with a beta blood test x

KL - Sounds as if seeing the independent sperm specialist was a smart move on your part and your plan of action makes perfect sense x


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## Trin Trin

Evening all,

Carter did you ever have reddy,browny blood? 

Yesterday when I wiped it was brown.....since 3pm its now more red? I'm peeing so often I haven't done another test. Will do tomorrow morning.....I haven't had to use a full sanitary towel,just a panty liner but think I've being going toilet so often I'm wiping it away as opposed to being on the liner! I felt much more confident this morning........now I'm back to feeling detached and expecting the worse. Part of me is hoping (not that I wouldn't welcome and want all three)  that one or two embies are leaving me and one is holding on tight trying its best to stay in there! 

Praying the bleed doesn't mean all 3 are leaving me 🙏


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## Carter4

......yes Trin I did have red/brown blood. I didn't even have the need to pass urine frequently at that stage, I was so paranoid about the passing of blood, I was like a bl**dy yo-yo with the toilet, just so I could keep checking. Like you I was wiping lots away. Praying your hpt yields another positive result tomorrow xx


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## Trin Trin

Morning.....
Last night something passed through me....could feel it coming but I had to use my hands to get it out:/( clotty and tissue like....then I started bleeding like a period:-( clearly over....
Tested just now and still bleeding, but on a digital and it says pregnant 1-2.......the hormones must still be coming up as one can't bleed how I am and there be a surviving embyro??
Can there?? This has for to be my worst cycle EVER! Arggghhhhhhhh (me screaming)


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## Trin Trin

.....just passed through another big clot/tissue. This is just bloody heartbreaking ....whatever had implanted they're leaving me. Sooo upset, can't go into work like this....feel like crap. Sorry 😭😫😢


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## Carter4

Sh*t, wish I could give you a cuddle in person, it's so cruel what you are having to go through. The uber honest answer Trin, is I just don't know, with my DD I had a large clot/tissue come away, dark red, but then no more bleeding afterwards. The 1-2 weeks concerns me as unfortunately, this was the reading I got on my biochemical pregnancy just before DD. I really apologise profusely if I have said anything insensitive at such a raw time. I'm going to keep hoping for you, until you know for sure xx


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## KLconfused

Trin - a friend of mine had 2 major bleeds in early pregnancy and both times she was told by EPU she had probably miscarried but she went to her IVF clinic and they did scans and baby is now a 6 month old boy. I feel your pain. Maybe get down to your clinic today for the bloods tests and again tomorrow then you will know for sure. The knickerwatch is horrendous and at least that way you would have an answer.    
There are loads of stories of a start like this that ended in a healthy baby and maybe ths is what happens with twins/triplets


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## Trin Trin

Thanks Kl and Carter!!! You've both been great during all of this madness.
Carter - no offence or upset caused. I prefer openness and honesty and this was your experience. 

Still bleeding lightly now and waiting for clinic to call me back. Deep down I know this cycle is truly over.....however I need to seek advice or know what tests I can take. I produce good quality embryos, they implant but they do not remain in place....I need to understand or be given a reason. Perhaps there's no reason and its unexplained. There's always something isn't there? Either you never get a positive and question why doesn't it work, or with me each and every cycle 2 fresh and frozen I get a positive but it doesn't last. Just want to know why??

Blood test I could do but it's just more waiting for disappointment when I know it's over. They may insist on not so we'll see.

Thanks ladies x


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## Trin Trin

Hi all

Just to update you:

Went in for a blood test. Results show my level as 110 and the expected range should be 120, because its so close they want to do another 48 hours later. Taking pregnancy tests are pointless as they will show positive with levels over 10, so will show positive all week.  

Deep down I know I'm losing as I'm bleeding still and now like a period. Don't see the point in going back spending more money, so I'll keep taking pessaries and aspirin and test again at the weekend. If positive then I'll do another blood test, if negative then it's clearly over.

I want to discuss immunes etc as every cycle I've had has resulted with a positive, something is going wrong why it isn't staying.....x


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## caro8500

Hi Trin.
Sorry I've been AWOL. What a horrible time for you. All the uncertainty is just awful, hard enough what we go through and then when you don't even get a straight forward yes or no. Is there not any way you can get the test done for free tomorrow. The weekend seems a long time to wait without being 100% certain. Obviously I am desperately hoping it could still all work out for you.

xxx


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## KLconfused

Trin - im so sorry the news doesn't sound good. I really hope everythings Ok for you but I know the waiting is torture. I know its early to look forward but you do have an action plan and that's something. I think theres only me, you and Caro from the original thread that haven't got #2 yet and we cant give up until we have. We all need to move over to the 'success' thread  
Thoughts are with you.


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## Dolphins

Hi all  

I am now officially PUPO with 1 good blastocyst on board.       Four embryo's that fertilised turned into 3 embryo's by the time we got to transfer, and we now awaiting a phone call today to find out if the remaining 2 embryo's are good enough to freeze.  I do hope so!     ^pray

xxx


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## Trin Trin

Thanks for your kind words Kl and Caro....much appreciated!! Yes there's just the three of us trying to fulfil our dream:-( today I've ran out of steam and thinking to myself can I continue I'm thankful I get BFP but sooooo disappointed it doesn't last. Reading up on tests which I need to do. Hoping my GP will do and save me some £££££......

Anyway, take care ladies. Kl - look forward to hearing about your test cycle. Caro - when do you think you'll be starting again?? X


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## Dolphins

Hi all  

Just had the phone call from the clinic, and they told us that there was 1 to freeze   - a day 6 blastocyst, at grade 2 & 3, which is good enough to freeze, as it's more likely to survive the thawing out process.

I'm a bit despondent about it, as we were hoping for 2, but then 1's better then 0.

xxx


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## Carter4

Trin - I think you need to tackle the immune side of things, it really seems as if this  may be where your stumbling block occurs. If you've got the strength, stamina and finances, then perhaps that last push will see you through. Completely get your reasoning for a hpt at the weekend. Think my curiosity would get the better of me with regards to the next beta hcg though. I'm still trying to remain hopeful for you xx


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## Trin Trin

Awwww thanks Carter. I am curious but I know what's happening deep down......still bleeding too. Yes, I do need to explore immunes as something is causing this to happen. Booked my follow up consultation for 24 Feb and this will be want I want to discuss.

When is your 20 week scan, I'm sure it's coming up soon.

Thank you again for your positivity and support during all of this. I really appreciate it xx


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## Carter4

Good that you can get a follow-up so soon Trin. I'm possibly still clutching at straws here, but I'm hoping that appointment will become obsolete for you anyway! 

You're such a sweetie asking after my 20 week scan, given your woes at the moment. It was actually yesterday. We are staying team pink all the way!!!


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## caro8500

Trin...does your clinic offer immune testing or will it mean moving clinics like me? Its so hard when we don't understand why its just not happening for us....it feels like there must be some reason and if that can be found then something that can be done to improve chances.  I'm not looking at cycling again until summer now. I've been having some blood tests to see if I'm ovulating and back to discuss results with consultant at beginning of March. Plan is to try naturally until then but not really holding out any hope. Really don't know how I'm going to manage IVf with the new job role I've got. Found out I've got to book my leave at least 6 weeks in advance. Taking last minute time off is virtually impossible and with the extra travel time, scans etc are going to be a total nightmare. I'm just going to have to hope they are understanding about it and we can work something out. Finding the waiting difficult as dying to get a second opinion but feels a bit soon yet when we won't be cycling until summer. Also tests came back re clotting etc and all were normal. 

Carter...Yay!!So pleased for you and happy that the scan went well...does it seem real yet?  

Dolphins congrats on being PUPO and your frostie. 

KL...hope you doing ok? when will you get having your immunes testing? 
xx


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## Crazy_frog

Hello ladies, I've been lurking as a guest, following all your journeys for a bit. I was wondering if I would be able to join you in here? I've loved the mix of hope and positive stories on here and it seems to be the place to not be "greedy" or "not content with what you have". I understand that you all seem quite close and you may rather not have a newbie, no offence taken!!
We have a 3 yr old daughter from 3rd cycle ivf lite and are just waiting to cycle again- looking at start of March as currently on pill for 3weeks ish. 
I wish you all the very best for your journeys, wherever you may be in it. X


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## Carter4

Thanks caro. I'm never sure whether tests coming back as normal is a good thing or not. Frustrating when you can't pinpoint the problem! Definitely starting to feel real now with the increased movements.

Trin - How have you been today? Thinking of you.

 Crazy_frog and welcome  .  What a lovely introduction. We may be well established here, but there is always room for more cycling buddies, mutual support on this tough journey is vital. I hope you achieve your dream of a sibling for your DD. Good luck for your impending cycle. Will this be your first attempt since having your DD?

xxxx


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## Crazy_frog

Thank you Carter for being so welcoming. It's hard to know where you can fit it, especially when it's 2nd. This is our first attempt for second, getting sorted in newish job and feeling ready...ish. Support as you said is vital, we learnt the difficulty of too many friends/family knowing last time, so we're trying to keep it quiet. 
Glad that "real" feeling is coming for you now, movements certainly help.


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## Trin Trin

I've had the worst 24 hours!! I decided to go work and at 230 my hubby calls to say our cat was run over and died. I live on a quiet small road and the driver was speeding and didnt wven stop!! I literally broke down at work as jus couldn't cope. I know he's just a cat but we all loved him so much especially our daughter. We brought him after my miscarriage in May. Telling my daughter last night was just heartbreaking!! She cried she cried and cried more and cried herself to sleep. All three of us were crying. This morning she woke up crying. It's heartbreaking.

I feel like such a bloody failure. Not only can't I give her a sibling her companion who she adores is taken away from her. Why is life so unfair

Carter - Girls💕!!! so pleased all is going well
Caro - I'll respond fully soon, I just haven't got the strength right now
Crazy Frog - Welcome and of course you're welcome.... 
Kl - hope your okay

I'll be in touch soon ladies...x


----------



## Carter4

Against the clock here, just wanted to send big hugs to Trin. You really are having a torrid time of it. Fellow cat lady here, so I feel your pain, back soon xxxx


----------



## Crazy_frog

Oh Trin, that's such a horrible time. Hugs for you, it's not just a pet- its a family member. Be kind to yourself, especially with nights- they're harsh at best!
Thanks also for the welcome!!


----------



## Anjelissa

Trin I'm so very sorry, such awful news,  I just wanted to send you hugs 
I'm another cat-lady, and as Crazy_frog just said, they are family members and it's totally heart breaking to lose them .
Like you say, life is so very unfair sometimes.

Love Anj x

Ps..I try my best not to be an 'interloper' here on your lovely thread, but sometimes I can't help but post, I hope you don't mind


----------



## KLconfused

Trim I'm so sorry about your cat. I have 4 dogs and they are very much my children too so I feel your pain. Watching your daughter so upset is upsetting too. I'm so sorry.
Good luck on your follow up appointment. I really hope you get some answers.

Caro ,  things sound tricky with the new job but at least you have given yourself a few months to settle into it. Hopefully it will be easier to get to the clinic than your expecting.

Crazy your welcome to join us mad lot. We have a good track record of people joining then getting a bfp! Just not for us 3 that have been here ages! 

Carter congrats on the scan. So exciting you can feel them moving. I'm sooooooo jealous. 

Afm  into argc Monday for scan and the immune tests. 3 weeks for results. I've changed my mind again about donor sperm so we're going to speak to consultant first and then decide. As the immune tests take 3 weeks I'm assuming we won't be starting with my next af so we have time to ponder. Looking through sperm  bank data turns my blood cold. I suppose it all depends what they find in my tests. 
I'm on day 7 and usually get peak on day 12. My donor can see me day 10 then he's away but I'm still going to try . He said not to worry and he can help long term just some months are better than other. But what if the 1 good egg I get out of every 10 is that month. Just not practical to rely on a private donor. It keeps me sane though to try with him when I can when I can't be doing ivf. I hate the months waiting between cycles. 

Hi to everyone else.


----------



## Crazy_frog

Kl confused- Donors can be a tricky one, it's so hard with the details you get. We're a same sex couple so no choice. But going through catalogue is hard, we're lucky that our previous donor is still available and know it works for us. Good luck with whatever decision you make. 
At least by having the appointment with them you can hopefully have a plan, or even your home Insem may work?


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## caro8500

Trin...really gutted for you. Know how it feels a lose a beloved pet but having to tell and console your daughter adds a whole other dimension. Thinking of you xx

KL. Good luck with your donor. I know what its like to just want to keep trying every month, to waste no opportunity just in case. It really bugged me when DH was away last month cause it could have been the one, not that i've ever had a natural pregnancy but you never know.  

Crazy frog...welcome. Deffo a good place to get support with trying for a second. Couldn't help noticing your signature that you bled before OTD on your first 2 cycles but got BFP when your progesterone was increased.  I know its impossible to know for sure but do you think this was what made the difference for you. I only ask because I have bled before OTD on last 3 cycles. I have always just had cyclogest but used 2 instead of 1 off my own back last cycle as i had read bleeding before OTD could be a sign of low progesterone (and I had some left from previous cycles). It didn't make any difference for me however. Did you have cyclogest on your last cycle or something else? Sorry for all the questions and good luck on your next cycle.


----------



## Crazy_frog

Caro, we had 2 cyclogest pessaries on first 2 cycles and on starting bleeding our clinic suggested 3. Then with third cycle we suggested 3 from start and they agreed a sensible plan. Whether it was pma- something changed- or progesterone issue I wouldn't know, our clinic never tested progesterone levels. However for this cycle we are doing it again. The wax was only side effect!!


----------



## Carter4

......don't mind at all Angie, it feels as if you are our guardian angel x

KL - The waiting certainly is a naff part of the process, and I completely 'get' why you would want to optimise seeing your donor. I guess one month missed would always throw 'what ifs' into the air. Hope the results of your tests allow you to pursue your treatment cycle in the way that you want to x

Trin - Really hope today has been a better day for you? x

Hi to caro and crazy_frog xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Carter4 said:


> ......don't mind at all Angie, it feels as if you are our guardian angel x


Awww bless you Carter, that's really sweet 
Well hopefully as such I will get bestowed some powers in that department 
I'd wave my lucky wand over you all 

Although I'm not currently where you all are right now, I've certainly experienced a lot of it, including the struggles of tx and dreaded 2ww's .
I can never know what it is like to be pregnant and give birth, but we couldn't love our children more if they were born to us and I certainly know about worries and tribulations of wanting a second, plus resulting struggles along the way (just down a different path to you ladies) 

I don't like to intrude (too much ) and you certainly don't need moderating as there are never any problems, you are all so supportive of each other 
I just like to drop in from time to time to see how you all are, whilst I do the rounds of my other boards 

Hopefully this year is the lucky one for you all and this thread will fill with wonderful news from everyone  

Anj x x


----------



## KLconfused

Trin - how are you hun? Have you done another test or are you having a blood test? 
How is your daughter?


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi all 

Sorry I've been a bit AWOL!! Just felt really down re my cat and everything, my daughter has been so distraught its been awful, just awful. Did a pregnancy test this morning not my first urine and what did it say.....pregnant 2-3 weeks. Talk about mess with my head!!!! I'm so confused...why has it gone up?? And not down I was expecting it to have gone now I'm even more confused. I really thought it was going to show not pregnant and had accepted all was over.  You may think I'm mad but I don't want a blood test, can't cope with it all. Just going to ignore it.....I'm mad I know. 

What do you think? Bleeding stopped on Friday but it was a full on bleed. I know I should have a blood test but I'm now scared and can't face it....:-(

I have my follow up on 24th.

Sorry for no personals I'm in a really sad place and miss my cat so much.

Hope everyone is okay xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Oh Trin I'm so sorry for all you are going through right now  
More hugs for the terribly sad loss of your cat  

I couldn't read and run, and I'm sure your wonderful friends here will be along soon with great advice re your blood test.
I can totally understand your feeling of being scared to get one done though, I'd feel the same I think.
Just a thought, but if you feel you really don't want a blood test right now, would it feel easier to book one for the same day as your follow-up?
Whichever way it goes, at least then it will be the same day that you will be discussing your result with your consultant anyway, rather than having the two events hanging over you 
I'm still crossing everything for you and am struggling for adequate words, as I can't imagine anything said will make everything less torturous for you right now.

I'm thinking of you, and wishing very hard for your miracle  

Anj x x


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## KLconfused

Trin, if it were me I'd be in for a bloodtest tomorrow.  You might be tormenting yourself for no reason. Maybe the bleeding was a loss of 1 or 2 but maybe there's a good one hanging in there.  You could really so with some good news and maybe tomorrow you will get it. Good luck.


----------



## caro8500

Gosh Trin. What a roller coaster. I really don't have any knowledge about what you would expect a test to say at this stage. Did your bleed last as long as your period normally would or was it shorter. You hear about bleeding (even heavy bleeding) in early pregnancy but totally understand why you wouldn't want to get your hopes up either. You have to do whatever feels best for you at this point in time and if it doesn't feel like you are in the right place to get a test done then there's nothing wrong with leaving it until you do feel ready. My heart goes out to you and your daughter, must be horrible to see her going through such a tough time as well as dealing with your own pain. Praying for better times for you.  xx


----------



## Carter4

Trin I just had this nagging feeling that your hpt might indicate increasing levels of hcg. I don't know why I thought this, probably because you had the three transferred, and I have read so many accounts of heavy/AF like bleeding, and still a successful pregnancy. You're not mad at all, you've had one hell of a tough ride recently, and you're just trying to give your mind some respite, right now ignorance is bliss. Tomorrow is another day, and you may just wake up ready to tackle a beta hcg test. You do need to get to the bottom of what is going on though, hopefully if will be a happy outcome. 
It must be heartbreaking seeing your DD so upset, but children are very resilient, so fx she starts to feel less upset soon, you too! Ps karma to the bl**dy driver though, grrrr xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Morning ladies

Angelissa, Caro, Kl and Carter thank you for your advice and mind words. 

Still don't feel to do the blood test. If something is going on inside me then I'd be 6 weeks I think on Thursday. My follow up is 24th so may do blood test on that day and ask prior the earliest an ultra scan can pick up anything. Scan will confirm if anything is in there and whether a heartbeat can be seen and heard. Can't handle visiting the clinic, waiting for phone call etc. I'm returning to work today too. I guess if I wasn't having treatment and conceived naturally I'd have to wait to know what's happening do I'm going to ignorant and remain like nothing has changed, it would be great for this to be a happy ending....but I can't afford for my heart to go there....

Time will reveal all.....don't get me wrong I know the blood test is the right thing to do..

Carter - I constantly think about that driver and it makes me soooooo cross😡

Hope everyone is doing okay x


----------



## Crazy_frog

Trin how difficult for you, be kind to yourself. I can understand where you're coming from with waiting and it's not too long until follow up. Thinking of you during the next bit of your wait. X


----------



## KLconfused

Trinidad I'm sorry if my reply came across a bit stern. I just thought to some good news would help but I totally understand where you are feeling you couldn't cope with bad news.  I just thought that knicker watching is so stressful in itself. But you could do a test next week and see if it says 3 weeks pregnant. Then you can definitely be more optimistic.  Fingers are crossed for you. It must be so hard to see your daughter so upset.


----------



## Trin Trin

Kl - of course your message wasn't harsh! I know the blood test is the sensible thing to do, but if I do and it's good news doesn't mean they'll be a healthy heartbeat waiting for me. I think fertility and having my first miscarriage in 2011 has left me untrusting. With my daughter once I was pregnant I naively had no doubts at all. I only tested on a hpt twice. One with the cheap ones the clinic then used then brought a sainsburys brand the next day!! 

Never tested again!! 9 months later my dreams came true❤

Now I've become a mess and you'd think testing 2-3 pregnant a week after a 1-2 and heavy bleeding I'd feel a bit more positive and hopeful. I'm just going to wait for the 7 week scan next week and see what's there. If a baby and heartbeat I'll be thrilled, if nothing then its what I had suspected all along. Hope I don't sound cold and detached, I'm just fed up!!


----------



## KLconfused

Sorry my spell checker did some odd things!

I totally understand. If I ever get a bfp again I'll be cynical after the miscarriage. I've given up all ideas of a relaxing pregnancy and know it will be a roller coaster and I won't enjoy it. Before the miscarriage I would have enjoyed it more. I don't think now ill be happy until a baby is in my arms.

Keep us posted.☺

I've just been to argc for mock month mid cycle scan and all good. Lots of follicles. No cysts and I am going to ovulate this month. Met a lady there.on her first icsi due to male issues and she is 6 weeks pregnant with twins. So excited for her. Something about that place inspires confidence. My donors also available tomorrow so we will try even though I think ovulation will be Thursday and tomorrow's too soon. I feel better trying though. Although now I'm confused whether I should wait for icsi so we can use dh sperm. But chances of it working wit donor are low and it would save £15k.!


----------



## Dolphins

Hi all  

Only 4 more days until my OTD and I woke up this morning feeling physically sick dreading what may come off this week.  I am just having a   day, and feeling (as this is my 5th cycle) that I can't do this anymore, but I know that it's just a feeling, as if it doesn't work, we'll use our frozen one from this cycle next.  There is just so many cycles, and so many 2ww's that you can go through, each cycle take's so much out of you.

Anyway! I am just wanting a moan really!

Bye for now.

I hope everyone else is ok?

xxx


----------



## Carter4

Trin I think the earliest an ultrasound can pick up a hb is 6w3d, with the twins I worked it so that I had my first scan at 6w6d. With my DD I was pulled in for one at 6w1d (due to clotty blood loss) and no hb was detected, I had to go back at 7w1d to see her hb! I really hope you get your happy ending. Not surprised you feel hostile towards the driver, bl**dy idiot. Oh and you don't sound cold and detached, as my DH says "prepare for the worst, and hope for the best".

KL great to hear about all those follies you have, whahooo, and to a confirmed ovulation on the immediate horizon! Fx if you do use your donor.

Good luck for otd Dolphins.


----------



## Trin Trin

Thanks Crazy Frog!!

Excellent news Kl re mock cycle and the positive vibe you felt there. Oh and meeting up with the donor too!! Having a miscarriage does alter your positiveness and yes until in your arms you'll never be at peace.

AFM whilst at work had to run to the loo as I passed a big clot:-( with red blood when wiping. Spoke to clinic and they want to scan me on Thursday but say its probably too soon to see a heartbeat but will show what's happening either way. I really want to hang out until next week as it will just be another week of not knowing. 

Carter - yes I thought the same re scan which is why I wanted to have it next Thursday at what would be 7 weeks. If the bleed didn't start this afternoon my intention was to wait. They also said having a 2-3 indicates levels have increased and blood year could be inconclusive. 

What a roller coaster this has turned out to be!!!!


----------



## Carter4

Blimey Trin rollercoaster is an understatement, so have you decided to go this Thursday, or are you determined to hold out? I keep meaning to ask whether you have experienced any cramping? Sorry if you've already said. Hang in there xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Carter I'm not sure........DH wants to wait until next week, I do too but I'll probably be in a mental institution by then!! I was adamant to not do anything until next week.....but the bleed has thrown me!!

No I'm not having any cramps. The only thing I've noticed is it feels heavy down below. I've lost my appetite now for a few weeks and getting indigestion......strange..? Bleeding didn't continue after the clot came out, just when wiping its presence is there ....

Think I need to go Thursday and prepare myself knowing the saga could go on if sacs are seen. But the scan will defo show if nothing is there or if something was there....


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## KLconfused

Trin - what an awful time your having. Hopefully Thursday they will see sacs and then next week you will see a heartbeat/s. I agree with wanting to wait until next week though. I was thinking about it last night and I realised I now do the same.  I used to want to tackle everything head on but now I don't. Every month I don't want to do a pregnancy test as id rather have a bit longer with hope than know its over. 

Dolphins - good luck in the next few days. We all know what its like and that feeling you cant do it anymore. I had that last year and I had about 8 months away from clinics and feel I can do it again now. Hopefully you wont have to. 

AFM Seeing donor tonight as he then goes away for work. Not expecting to ovulate until Thursday/Friday so probably not the right timing to work. Ho hum. Spoke to hubbie last night to see if he wanted me to not see donor anymore and wait for ICSI and he said no. If it works with donor it will save us £15k and theres no guarantee ICSI will work. Our only thoughts were if I got pregnant to donor and had another miscarriage as its taken 6 months for my system to settle and I haven't time for that again. But chances of it working with donor are so small anyway and I feel better if I keep trying.


----------



## magz1

Hi trin, hope u don't mind me jumping on and giving my bit of advice, I was on this thread last year trying for a sibling but didn't work out. Anyway, have u stopped your progesterone? Could it be this why your bleeding? If it were me I'd go Thursday, find out one way or another, I understand you've had disappointments in the past but look to the future. I'm so sorry about your cat. How's your daughter now,hope she's feeling better. Sorry if my advice seems in anyway insensitive. Magz xx


----------



## Dolphins

Hi all  

I feel so demoralised today, as for the first time during this 2WW I feel like my period is coming 3 days before my OTD.  So after a good cry on my fiance's shoulder we are now going to the dentist, and my 18 mth. child is going for his 1st ever dental check-up.

Anyway!  I am not feeling very confident about this cycle now, and I could feel more positive I suppose, but I'm a realist, and this feeling I have got as really knocked my confidence.  

Bye for now.

xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi Magz1 - I welcome anyone's comments advice. I bled for 5 days really heavy 2 days after BFP and I continued with aspirin and progesterone for 3 of those days. Thought it was certainly over after the bleed. Testing again on Sunday 2-3 pregnant made me think I better continue so I have ever since. Clinic told me off but I spoke to a nurse (who's new and made a few errors during this cycle) didn't say anything, just asked if bleeding still and I said yes.

Anyway, how are you doing. Sorry to hear your last try wasn't successful. Are you going to try again or have you reached your limit?

Thanks for your message.

Take care x


----------



## Dolphins

Hi all  

2 more sleeps, just 2 more sleeps.    The earliest I could have tested for a pregnancy to show up on a test is today, and I was seriously thinking about it when I went to the loo today, but I didn't.  I even dreamt of getting a positive pregnancy test last night, I must be MAD dreaming about pregnancy tests!

Anyway! Yesterday really scared me, as I had a strong feeling that my period was coming, the sensation I normally get when it is coming, and I was getting pains that were increasing.  Also, when I was on my 2WW which led to the pregnancy of my first and only child during my 3rd cycle, my boobs started to feel sore, and looked slightly bigger, but no signs of that during this 2WW so far.  

Bye for now.

xxx


----------



## magz1

Hi trin, I'm glad u didn't take offence. I've reached my limit, done x3 fresh cycles and wasn't meant to be. My lo is nearly 3 now. I will have everything crossed for u on Thursday if u decide to go to scan. X
Dolphin hang in there, the 2ww drives you mad, I hated that bit x


----------



## Trin Trin

Thanks Magz1!!

I had a look at your journey (hope you don't mind) ....you're an inspiration to us who are over 40!! So sorry your journey wasn't successful for a sibling even though you always produced great embryos and going to 5 day on your last cycle!! It's all just so unpredictable. This cycle was going to be my last.....but I'm going to explore immunes next......we'll see. 

Anyway thanks again for your advice. I will be going for the scan tomorrow🙏 xx


----------



## KLconfused

Trin - good luck tomorrow. Got everything crossed for you. with 3 embryos there's got to be a good chance that at least 1 is doing well in there 

Dolphins - good luck - 2ww is a killer. 

AFM - saw donor last night and now he is away. Got peak on my OPK kit today so think timing is OK. Got blood this morning when I wiped so am thinking maybe I hurt myself with the turkey baster! TMI - sorry  Wont miss doing that for sure but then its much easier than the clinic. So im in a 2ww as well although I never hold out much hope. 5th one since miscarriage. 
I had my immunes tests done at ARGC Monday and they took 11 vialles of blood. They just called to say the blood didn't make it to USA due to bad weather and I have to go back and have it done again. I wander how long it takes your body to make blood as I had 6 vials taken less than a week before and ive had another one since for a crohns test and another due next week for day 21 tests. Is it possible to run out . I have my parents still here so im planning on going back to ARGC tomorrow afternoon or Friday for the retest. They said we might be able to start next cycle but I doubt that now as the immunes take weeks to come back. So guess ill have at least 1 more month trying with donor unless the results tell me I have so many problems that's a waste of time.


----------



## Carter4

Trin tonnes of luck for tomorrow, really hope your scan shows the beginnings of a wonderful pregnancy x

KL your ovulation timing sounds good in relation to seeing your donor, here's hoping x

Dolphins - You're nearly there, good luck if you test tomorrow x


----------



## Crazy_frog

Just running off to work, I wanted to just say thinking of you today, I hope scan goes well. Hoping for wonderful news this evening when I get home. 
Good luck for Dolphins and kl too.


----------



## Dolphins

Hi all  

Just 1 more sleep. then it's OTD tomorrow. :/  to say "I'm scared is an understatement!"

Anyway! I am going to distract myself today by having my hair done at the hairdressers, as it's my 40th birthday on Sunday!  So, less then 24 hrs to go.  

Bye for now.

xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Kl, Carter, Crazy Frog, Angelisa, Magz1, thank you for your thoughts today. There's a yolk sac, foetal pole and all is where it should be etc.....but too early to detect a heart best. So it's good news but another week to wait to see if my surviving embie has a heart best 🙏 I've been told to take the week off and rest.....although I feel in the last two weeks I've hardly been in. There was no evidence of a bleed and she said it could have been the other two .....very strange!!

I do feel relieved and I'm glad I went today, but the wait continues......

Kl - glad you saw your donor this week and the timings were pretty good too🙏🙏 fingers and toes crossed🙏🙏 as your DH says if it works this will save you £15k. It's worked this way before so positive thoughts!!


----------



## Carter4

YES YES YES, GO TRIN, GO TRIN, GO TRIN (some kind of embarrassing mummy dance going on in my head right now) . I'm guessing you will want to keep any potential excitement in check right now, but you have to admit as from today the picture looks brighter?! Come on little embie, do your thang, we're all expecting a nice thumping hb from you next week, you've held on this long, ps you make sure you take their advice and rest, with feet up. I did with my DD, and fretted a little about work, but you've been through too much!

Dolphins - Enjoy your pampering.


----------



## magz1

Trin, that's good news, now take their advice and get them feet up. I will keep everything crossed and say a little prayer for you, that all is well next week. X
Dolphin, good luck for tomorrow. X


----------



## magz1

Sorry, klconfused, good luck on 2ww, positive thinking, hope it flies and u don't go too mad lol x


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## Anjelissa

Trin, that's brilliant news , have a nice relaxing week as they say and I hope the time until your scan doesn't drag too much for you.
Fingers, toes and everything else possible to cross is crossed   

Dolphins, lots of luck for tomorrow, and KL for the next 2 weeks   

x x


----------



## Trin Trin

Aww thanks Magz1 and Carter!!

Carter, I haven't laughed in about two weeks but your message did make me laugh out loud......thank you thank you!! In fact when I read it again I laugh out loud again 😂😂😂. On a serious note yes I'm relieved and it looks much brighter than how things were last week!! I still cannot believe that one can bleed as heavily as I did and there be an embie hanging on. I desperately want this.....so much but I still cannot feel excited:-(

Re work I need to do as I'm told but I do feel I'm taking the pee a bit.....but to be fair I'm never off, I'm a Manager too and want to set an example, but I know if this was presented to me I'd be very supportive and understanding. My manager is cool but I've been off in total more than a week with the bleeding/threatened miscarriage plus my losing my lovely Jasper......he was so beautiful, all grey and soooo handsome❤ sorry got side tracked.....my managers partner is pregnant and her pregnancy has been trouble free so he may compare.....don't know but I'm putting myself and my surviving embie first!! DH isn't allowing me to do a thing!!! And against me going to work too...

Anyway everyone is doing okay xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Thanks Anjelissa!! I think our messages were being sent at the same time xx


----------



## Crazy_frog

I'm so delighted Trin, that's such a wonderful bit of news!! I second the embarrassing mum dance, but add in two  left feet..... I am keeping everything crossed for the next week for you. I Get setting an example, but sometimes we have to remember it's a job, family comes first and your health. Just take it easy, keep doing what you've done- clearly something is right!!
Here's to new year, new luck for us all!!


----------



## caro8500

yay!! so so pleased Trin. You must rest up that's an order! work can wait. Still anxious times I know but hopefully you can feel a bit more positive now.

Good luck Dolphins and KL 

AFM...totally done in with work at the moment. Can't think about much else. Hope it all settles down soon


----------



## Dolphins

Thanks for the good luck wishes for tomorrow ladies, but my abdo. pains, like period pains have been getting worse today, and I noticed a spot of blood when I went to the toilet, so I am not holding onto much hope I'm afraid now, but you'll never know the test in the morning could surprise me.       

On a positive note, my son pulled himself up today 3 times, so even though he isn't standing independently yet, he is getting there.  

I'll update you all in the morning with the news whatever happens.

Goodnight ladies.  

xxx


----------



## Dolphins

I knew my body was telling me something, it's another   for us. It's happened twice in 3 mths. now.  There is absolutely nothing else to say, just in time for my 40th on Sunday too.    

"I really don't know what we'll have to do to get pregnant again!"

Congratulations to all of the  's and commiserations to all the  's "I really do know how you feel."      It'll be "our" turn next time, just you wait and see!  

Bye for now.

xxx


----------



## magz1

Dolphin, I'm so sorry, take time to heal and then decide what your next plan of action will be. X


----------



## Carter4

Sorry to see your bfn Dolphins x

Still grinning from ear to ear for you Trin. I know this week will be tough for you and your DH, but since you've been advised not to work, try to distract yourself with a good book, or get stuck into some chewing gum for the eyes. Tuesday will be here before you know it, I presume that is when your next scan is? x

caro - I hope work eases up on you soon x


----------



## Anjelissa

I'm so sorry to hear it was a bfn Dolphins  
x


----------



## Trin Trin

Sorry Dolphins :-(

Thanks Caro and Crazy Frog.

Carter yes I'm going to rest and do nothing. Scan is on Thursday. My problem now is that I don't have much symptoms......feel slightly nauseous in the mornings and have to eat, which makes it feel better, lack of appetite, weeing all the time....No sore boobs which I'm used to having when pregnant...... I dunno I read that some women don't have any. Still on edge unfortunately whether this pregnancy is for real or not.....lets see what Thursday brings. 

Caro I hope things improve soon with work xx


----------



## Dolphins

Thanks for all of your best wishes ladies  , but it's our clinic's policy to do a retest a couple of days later, as the nurses have said that they have had occasionally a few ladies getting a positive test after they tested 'negative' on their official OTD.  I personally don't know how that can happen, but they have said that they know people that it's happened to, so we'll see, but I doubt it, I am not holding onto any hope really!  However, until then I will still after to take my aspirin, and prontegest (progesterone) injections that sting like owt once a day.  

Therefore, they wanted me to test again tomorrow, but with it being my 40th birthday tomorrow, I requested to do it on Monday, the day after, they understood, as they said that it's ok to test on Monday, and they didn't reaslise from my date of birth that it was my 40th.  I therefore, after phone the clinic once again on Monday to tell them about the 2nd test results.  Anyway! I am going to try and distract myself today, by having my eyebrows waxed, and nails done this morning, and shopping at Boundary Mills this afternoon.  

Bye for now.

xxx


----------



## Carter4

Trin I had sporadic symptoms at the beginning too. I also had horrendous sore boobies when I was pregnant with DD, but not at all this time, well at least nowhere near as severe. This week will test you my lovely, no escaping it I'm afraid, but we are all willing your little embie on xx

Dolphins - Good luck for your retest on Monday x


----------



## KLconfused

Trin - im so pleased for you. Im excited about next week for you. The odds are in your favour for a lovely healthy baby now. I know its been awful so far but I guess you wont relax until after the 12 week scan but that's OK. Not long until that now although I know it feels it takes forever. Much better than having to look at more tests.!

Dolphins sorry about the BFN. Its all just so unfair. I hope your one of those lucky ones that get a BFP a few days later

Hi to everyone else.


----------



## Dolphins

Hi all  

Thanks ladies for wishing me a "happy 40th birthday" on Sunday.    We was meant to go out for the day, but because it was half term still, the place we was going to visit was 'sold out', and then the weather decided to throw it down with rain, then snow, and it was also quite windy too.  Therefore we couldn't think of anywhere else to go, so we went out for a meal in North Yorkshire instead.  However, instead of it being a relaxing meal, our 18 mth. old son decided to throw the BIGGEST tantrum ever! All throughout the meal, and you could see other diners turning around and shaking their heads, like we could do anything to control our son's behaviour!!!!!!! when we covered ALL the basics, fed him, changed  him etc.  What's most confusing is he is normally quite well behaved in public, not a crying baby at all, but "TODAY" of all days, he decided to get really UPSET.  It went on to the point where it was quite embarrasing  , and instead of a relaxing, enjoyable, birthday meal out has a family to help to celebrate my 40th birthday, it was rushed, and embarrasing instead!  

However, I had a creme brulee for dessert, and the staff kindly put a lit candle in it, which I kindly blew out & made a wish, (I WONDER what "I wished for" ladies!!!!!)  

Anyway! We then went back home, where I was yet to open my cards, and my fiance surprised me with some lovely presents!  He had already put a 40th birthday announcement in the local paper for me the day before, but on my birthday he give me a Radley bag, something that I have wanted for ages, accompanied with the matching purse, then I got a 'special engraved case' with a lovely pen inside, which said:  'To mummy, happy 40th birthday from your son Nathan.' xxx.  Then, I got some money, and he had already paid for my hair, nails and brows doing.  A necklace, again from my son, a commerative newspaper from 40 yrs ago, and a paper of the date 40 years later (now), and he paid for my "commitment ring" to be extended, as it no longer fits on my finger, but it is still too tight, which unfortunately I'll have to take back to the jewellers to get adjusted again.  He also surprised me with a cake, that he iced himself, and some 40th helium balloons, and some banners, which were a really lovely surprise, so all in all my fiance did me proud!     

Unfortunately, we were going to watch a movie in the evening in the comfort of our own home, but we were all asleep by 9 p.m. but not before enjoying a glass of bubbly.  Therefore we tried to have a good day, despite all considered!  

However! It soon got to the retest again yesterday (the day after), and I am sorry to say that it is still a   for us.     I am feeling really miserable, disheartened and down now, but "hay! Life goes on doesn't it!" 

Bye for now.

xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Dolphins I'm glad you had a good birthday and sorry for the bfn. The weeks after a bfn are horrid. Have you thought about what you will do next? 

Trin good luck tomorrow. I have a good feeling☺

Afm now almost into second week of 2ww. Driving myself crazy as I know chances of success are very tiny. Just been to ARGC for a redo of the immune tests - 11 vials of blood. Hopefully they make it to America this time. Different staff have said different things so I will get a call to discuss next steps at any time within the next 10 days to 4 weeks.


----------



## Carter4

Quick one from me, sending lots of luck for your scan tomorrow Trin xx


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## Crazy_frog

Trin, all the very best for today. Will be thinking of you and everything crossed.

Dolphins glad you were spoilt for your birthday, even if your lo wasn't too cooperative at lunch!! Hoping your doing ok. 

Klconfused, hope the results are back as soon as possible and fingers crossed for wait. 

Afm, still taking pill ready for short protocol, seems to be longest month ever....few more days. Itching to start but anxious too.


----------



## Sasha1973

Hi everyone, I wonder if it would be possible to join this thread? I'm on the journey of trying for a sibling for my little boy. This will be my 4th ICSI cycle, and our final one as we've selffunded the whole way. I was hoping to start stimms when AF arrives next week however I went for my scratch yesterday and they couldne get the catheter in so had to abandon. I've always had tight cervix issues and have had a previous hysteroscopy which I was warned wouldn't last forever so I'm back there again and hoping to be able to be booked in the next couple of weeks to get it done and then start stimming on the following AF which should be around the very beginning of April. Feeling a little frustrated as there's always a stumbling block isn't there! But hoping i'll get there eventually no matter how many hurdles I have to jump. 

Good luck to everyone, looking forward to getting to know you all xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Thanks Carter, Kl and Crazy Frog for your kind thoughts today.

Good news we saw and heard a lovely heartbeat🙏🙏 not sure if I mentioned last week but baby was slightly behind in size at 6 weeks, however has doubled in size during the last week and now is measuring 5 days behind 6w2d... Nurse wasn't concerned at all this week or last as everything else has developed as they expect. Number of reasons late implantation, could have been a twin pregnancy etc. although she wasn't concerned I guess it just adds to my list of worry.... sickness is in full flow now (NOT COMPLAINING) just hope these are all positive signs. Another scan with clinic at 10 weeks🙏

Enough about me...

Sasha WELCOME!!!! You're joined a great forum. We're all at varying stages and have experienced so much during our journey (roller coaster) of trying to conceive a much wanted sibling. We're all similar ages too!!

Kl - I still have a lot of faith with you trying with your donor so fingers crossed for this cycle. You have a plan b in place, lets hope you get those blood results soon.

Carter - how's it going my love?

Caro - hope you're okay and things at work are improving!!

Crazy Frog - I know what you mean when you just want to get going with the cycle! Not long now....

X


----------



## Carter4

So sorry Dolphins that your hpt result remained the same.

Shame the communication isn't better at argc, given the money you are no doubt paying KL. Fingers crossed as always for a bfp at the end of your 2ww.  

Good luck for your imminent cycle Crazy_frog.

Hi Sasha and welcome  . Frustrating to hit a delay before you're even out of the starting blocks. Good luck for when you do begin.

Trin, Trin, Trin fabbo news (no dancing today as thoroughly congested with stuffy cold, and now sporting conjunctivitis, courtesy a la DD)! One of my twinnies was 5 days behind at one point, and caught up, so have faith in your little embie. He/she is clearly a little fighter. Boo to the sickness though, admittedly reassuring, but most definitely not fun. Utterly chuffed for you lady!

xxxx


----------



## Sasha1973

Trin thank you so much for the warm welcome, and massive congratulations on your little beans heartbeat, I've been reading in the background for about a month so know of the ups and downs you've faced so very pleased you've had a great outcome in the end. Look after yourself and your little one. 

Carter thank you too for the welcome, it's so lovely to find a friendly group where we're all in the same boat. I was a bit concerned about where I'd fit in trying to conceive a sibling. My son was born on my second cycle, on my third cycle back in October I was in the clinic transfer day and was chatting to the girl next to me, all she kept saying was 'but you have a son already' like I shouldn't be there, and I should be grateful for just one. I know I'm very lucky to have DS but the longing for a sibling is still massive and I'm not sure others understand that. 

Hello and looking forward to getting to know everyone else too xxx


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## Crazy_frog

Trin what wonderful news, I'm glad scan went well. I'm sure there's always a worry. Sorry for sickness, but a relief too no doubt. 
Sasha I get what you mean about the sibling comments, we've had a few eyebrows- I'm clearly too mouthy for anyone to follow it up...yet.


----------



## Trin Trin

Thanks Carter, Crazy Frog & Newbie Sasha!!!

I'm still in shock I think.....the last few weeks have been absolutely crazy!!!!! Sickness isn't the nicest thing but its part of the process. I never actually throw up but wretch all morning with nausea until lunchtime then it starts again in the evening after dinner!!

Carter, sorry you're under the weather hope you all feel better soon. A special thank you for all your support on here during my cycles. I really appreciate it. It's funny because we've been on this thread for over a year, never met but the support provided via the Internet is amazing during our journey!!

Sasha, I struggle with people's attitude that having one child means we should be satisfied and content. Why should we? Any other couple can want more and have more so why can't we? I have family members who tried that line with me and I put them firmly straight!! My mum has 4 kids and I'm the youngest and was the only planned child. She doesn't understand my yearning for a sibling for my daughter. My want for another child is equally for my daughter who is 10. I really don't want her to be a lonely child, plus she desperately wants to be a big sister. 

Crazy Frog, not long to go!!!


----------



## KLconfused

Trin -im so pleased for you. So glad you went with the 3 embryo transfer  It all sounds really good and I really hope the next few weeks flies by for you. 

Sasha your very welcome here. Im a bit different than most in that I have a sister and we don't get on so im not fussed about a sibling for my daughter for that reason. But I desperately want baby 2 because ive loved every second of the 22 months ive had so far with Isobel and I want to do it again. Ive spent years climbing the career ladder and being very competitive in sports outside work and it all feels so silly now. Being a mum has made me happier than I could ever describe and I want that again. 
ive had lots of comments about being mad still TTC and my MIL said she assumed we would stop after Isobel and stuff and that we should stop and she had 4 kids. So annoying as its never anyone that's been in a similar situation and decided to stop. It always comes from people who had accidental babies and several of them. Its also hard to hear from the MIL as I blame her in some ways for my husbands issues. He had an undescended testicle as a baby and it wasn't operated on soon enough. Its irrational I know to blame her.  

I got a call from ARGC today and all results are in. We have a follow up call 10th March to decide next steps. That seems ages away. Im on day 22 today so AF next week so we obviously aren't starting next cycle. Ive been reading a few diaries from people doing treatment at ARGC now and they have been through so much but neither have very good eggs and are in their 2WW now and it doesn't sound promising. Im on a downer today. All my NCT friends are emailing the group talking about pregnancy or the new baby. Breaks my heart that it may never happen. I cant even contemplate it really. 

Trin im glad you have faith in the donor method. I think your the only one. I think the ARGC are going to tell me somethings wrong and I will have wasted a year with my donor - a year I cant afford. Its so disheartening. 

enough misery guts, ill stop now. Af expected next Tuesday to Thursday. Its my birthday Thursday. Guess what id love for a present! Ill let you know how it goes.


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## Trin Trin

Thanks Kl!! 

I have to be positive with you and the donor as you conceived a viable pregnancy once before!! It happened before so I have to think it can happen again!!!

I'm reading a diary Jess2010 who is 41 and having a cycle at ARGC..she's in the 2ww....have a look, or I'll let you know how she gets on xx


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## Crazy_frog

Thanks Trin, hoping next week we get to start. So close now. Hoping I can sort shifts and days off to fit, hopefully with minimal notice at work. 
I think the comments and insesnsiticity of others was what drew me to this post as it  is counter balanced by all the support here. We're hoping to keep quiet for as long as possible and minimise so much. Til hormones kick in no doubt!
Kl it's so normal to have down days and I hope this one passes soon. Just remember other people aren't you and all you can do is have faith, otherwise we'd never start.....feel free to remind me of that soon! Hopefully all will be lucky for you next week anyway, but if you need the follow up then take it each step as it comes. Lots of faith for the next week!!


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## Anjelissa

Such wonderful news Trin , I'm so thrilled and relieved for you, especially after all you've been through, and the worrying time you've had .
I'm sorry you're feeling so sick , I hope that eases up soon.
Massive congratulations hun and I wish you a happy, healthy pregnancy  

KL...Happy Birthday for Thursday and fingers crossed that you get what you wish for     
Do you have anything fun planned for your Birthday?
Hi to everyone else and welcome to all the newcomers 
Crazy_frog, you are so right about this thread, you've joined an amazingly supportive group of ladies 

Anj x x


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## Trin Trin

Thanks Angelissa!!! Xx


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## Trin Trin

Hope everyone is okay...

I passed a small clot/tissue this morning...this cycle has taken everything out of me:-( one minute it's bad news....then it's good, then bad...I'm finding it really hard to cope emotionally and physically...I'm becoming a wreck:-(


----------



## Trin Trin

Forgot to ask:

Carter - did you experience any bleeding after your 7 week scan?


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## ayah

Trin so sorry that youve got bleeding again.  So hope everything works out ok.  Several ladies on my bfp group had bleeding past 12 weeks.  

Hi ladies,  just quickly checking in.  You always in my prayers.  Sorry for quick post.  Got to convince ds1 to do homework!  Hummmm

Ayah xxx


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## Carter4

Hi Trin

I continued to bleed for a good few days after my 7 week scan. Looking from the outside in, I can't help but feel that it is some residual bleeding from losing your two other embies :-( I sure hope I am right xx


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## Carter4

Ps passed a huge clot when pregnant with my DD. Meant to reiterate, no cramping is a good sign. I had horrendous cramping on my biochemical pregnancy. Lasted about three hours solid xx


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## Trin Trin

Thanks Ayah!! Lovely to hear from you.

Carter, thank you for sharing your experiences. I'm not in any pain and haven't bled since the clot at 12pm. For a few hours after when wiping there was a bit of browny/reddy blood. Truthfully I'm finding this really hard, don't know what to think and I hope your thoughts are right......I don't know what to think anymore:-(

How are you doing??


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## caro8500

Hi Trin...I've no experience of what you have been going through but hope you can take a bit of reassurance from some of the others experiences . Never straight forward but hang on in there lady xx

KL. It always seems an age when you just want to get started. Will your follow up call on 10th give you the results of your immune testing? I've got high hopes for you at ARGC, that's if you don't get the best birthday gift ever! I am hoping against hope that I could get pregnant before having to cycle again, even though there's absolutely no indication that would make me think it could happen.  I just seem to have this weird optimism at the moment which isn't like me at all ha ha. My Af due next week as well...here's hoping for both of us!

Crazy frog. good luck with your cycle. So exciting and so nerve wracking at the same time 

Sasha..welcome to the thread. Think we all get where you are coming from with the lack of understanding re a sibling. Its just not seen as a big deal by some (usually those who've 'accidentally' had more than one child!). I've learnt who to discuss it with and who to avoid the subject with now, self preservation really. 

Great to hear from you Ayah...hope you are keeping well x

Carter...hope those twinnies are behaving themselves x

AFM...seeing consultant tues for results on whether I'm ovulating (or whether I'm just wasting my time!)


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## KLconfused

Caro - good luck tomorrow with your results. 

Trin - what a nightmare you are having. but remember you had a full on bleed for 5 days at the start and bean is still there and doing exactly what its supposed to. Could you get a weekly private scan just to put your mind at ease until your official 10 week scan?

AFM - bleeding lightly today. Think AF will come tomorrow day 26 so that's a pretty standard timing. On the plus side at least cycle is regular again now after the miscarriage. I hate the feeling of hope I get. Oh ive got this pain or that maybe I am..... This morning ive been starving so I thought maybe I am ...... then of course I get blood. It just feels like torture. 
March 10th will give me my results for everything including the immunes. Im convinced there's something wrong and ive wasted the last year. I guess I need to find out and tackle it as im just putting off the inevitable at the moment. 

Hi to everyone else.


----------



## Crazy_frog

Hi to everyone and thanks for all the wishes of luck. Definitely a lot of luck needed with this game, sometimes feels like the best (and worst) lottery ever!
Oh Trin, what a rollercoaster for you, fingers crossed for you. Your little one has stayed through other bleeding, so I hope this is unrelated and all is still good for littlie. 
Caro, good luck wth results and all goes well for you at appointment. 
Kl, still hoping for you. Great job with seeing the silver lining, but you never know. Look after yourself and donor has previously led to pregnancy so you don't know.


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## Sasha1973

Good afternoon everyone

Crazyfrog - good luck with your cycle, I really hope it's your time. You're very right it does seem like a lottery sometimes, hopefully we'll al be winners this time around.

Klconfused - Thank you for the warm welcome. I hope you get to find out the results and get some answers soon, it's awful when you feel there's something wrong and none can give you answers. Sorry the witch reared her ugly head, I understand how you feel, it's heartbreaking every month you try and she pops up isn't it. I don't blame you at all taking every opportunity with your donor, I would do it too, I don't think you've been wasting your time, it happened before so why not again. 

Caro8500 - Thank you for the warm welcome. I hope your appointment with the consultant went well today, fingers crossed your ovulation results were positive.

Trin - how have you been these past few days?

Hi to everyone else that I haven't mentioned personally.

AFM - I got a call from my clinic today regarding my hysteroscopy to dilate my cervix, they've managed to fit me in next Thursday 12th at 7am so I'm pleased that I can get it done quickly, hopefully then I'll be able to cycle on my next AF which is predicted as !st April-ish as I'm only on day 1 of this cycle today!


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## caro8500

Thanks all for Good luck wishes

Results show one borderline and one low result of day 21 progesterone, so looks like not regularly ovulating (if at all). Trying Clomid for 3 months to see if this helps before embarking on any more IVF (kind of figure I've got nothing to lose). Glad to be doing something although have heard only 10% chance of working? Gutted that not ovulating normally (had a feeling I might not be) 

Sasha - Good news they've managed to get you in next week. Bet your just bursting to get going again now

KL - Hope things are much clearer for you when you get your results in next week and you can plan the way forward

Trin - Hoping all ok lovely 

xx


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## Carter4

Ladies I'm still reading, but have been quite ill. Keep hoping I'll get a surge of energy to respond properly to the posts. Didn't want you to think I had deserted this thread, especially any of the 'old' timers. Willing all of you on xx


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## caro8500

Hey Carter ... sorry to hear you are feeling so poorly, hope its nothing serious and just those twinies being mischevious. Take care xx


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## Crazy_frog

Carter sorry to hear you've been unwell. I hope you are ok and taking it easy. 

Caro,clomid works for some- this games is all percentages- hoping it'll work for you and as you said it'll be doing something for next few months. 

Sascha, really glad they've managed to fit you in and fingers crossed for you. 

Kl and Trin, thinking of you both. 

Afm, waiting on the witch. Would be great if arrived today so can be scanned Saturday....means of course it won't be....ah well! I'm trying this time to relax, ride the rollercoaster and grit my teeth.


----------



## Anjelissa

Just a quick one to say Happy Birthday to KL   
I hope you have a wonderful day and get all you wish for  
Apologies if I've got the date wrong 

Anj x


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## Sasha1973

Caro8500 - Really sorry your tests results weren't as you'd hoped they would be, fingers crossed that the clomid works for you, I haven't any experience of it personally but from reading various threads on here throughout the years I've seen it be successful for many people so hopefully you'll be one of those. Yes I can't wait to get started now, I have to go to the hospital for a pre-op assessment tomorrow, they want bloods and a test for MRSA etc. It feels good to be finally doing something to work towards our goal again.

Carter4 - So sorry to hear you've not been feeling well, I really hope you get better soon 

Crazyfrog - Fingers crossed AF arrives for you today or the not to distant future, it's frustrating how she never arrives when you want her to and vice versa isn't it!

KLconfused - Ooh is it your birthday today? If so, Happy Birthday  

Hello to everyone else I hope your all doing well whichever stage you're at

xxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Just a quick post from me to wish Kl a happy birthday!!!🎉🎉

Wow a year has really thrown by quickly!! I hope you've had a good day!!

Thank you all for your thoughts re my bleed last week. Had a scan today at 8 weeks and all is good. They could see where the bleed came from just above placenta.

Anyway, I need to read and catch up what's been happening and will post back tomorrow xx

Carter - hope you're feeling better..


----------



## Crazy_frog

Trin wonderful news, hope it's all settling for you now. 
Kl hope your birthday was good. 
Afm- blooming witch is AWOL! Taking the pill does this every time, so frustrating and meds are taunting us on opening fridge. But ok deep breath, a blip now will hopefully be smoother when she does come!


----------



## KLconfused

Thanks for your birthday wishes. Yes I was 41 Thursday.  Not been a happy week. It's  a year since my collie puppy was put down through illness and last week was my due date if I hadn't miscarried. 41 seems such a cr** age to still be wanting a child. I'm just very very down. To top it all I got af  afternoon of birthday. I didn't feel pregnant but I didn't feel af  either and it decided to be a bit late just to torture me. I just don't understand why it's not working with donor after miscarriage when it worked so quickly before it. 

Trin  I'm so pleased for you. I know it's been an awful 6 weeks but so worth it for a lovely baby. 

Good luck Caro with clomid .  I think it's great if they find a problem they can help.  I think you have every chance now and how exciting to have the chance of a natural conception. 

I get my results from argc Tuesday so just bracing myself for that. I can't do this forever. I can't stop worrying now that at my age even if I got pregnant the chances of problems are so high. 

Hi to everyone else. Sorry I'm being a misery guts. Been a sad week.


----------



## Carter4

Hi All

Starting to feel a bit more human again (finally), although the nausea has returned (how bizarre)! Anyhooo, back to you guys  

KL - Good luck for your call from ARGC on Tuesday, fx you don't get any curveballs come your way. Belated birthday wishes too. 41 isn't an outrageous age to have a baby, not in this day and age. You'll care a lot less, once you hit that bloomin' jackpot.

Trin - Great news on your eight week scan. Even better that the dastardly bleeding you are experiencing can be explained away.

Crazy_frog - Hope your AF has shown by now? 

ayah - Lovely to see you popping by. Hope DS1 cracked on with his homework?!

caro - Really hope clomid ends up being your new best friend! Just remember your ovulation results are a snapshot, and other months you could well be, so the clomid could be that secret missing ingredient!

Sasha - Hope your pre-op went okay?

Hi to anyone I may have missed xx


----------



## Crazy_frog

Carter, glad to hear you're feeling better and hope nausea settles back down. 
Kl, good luck for results tomorrow. I hope this is straight forward for you. 

the witch finally showed up, thanks Carter for asking. Nightmare shift swapping at last minute over weekend, not gonna be popular and pretty sure it'll be more common knowledge then I'd hoped, but never mind. Just about to phone for baseline scan and if all goes to plan (everything crossed) we'll be starting on clomid for 5 days before stimms (short protocol, worked last time although not their norm any more!) 

Hi to everyone and hope you're all doing well.


----------



## Carter4

Yippee for AF finally rearing her ugly head Crazy_frog. Did you get your baseline scan booked? Good luck for the next few weeks.

Trin how are things progressing? Anymore pesky bleeding?

xx


----------



## Crazy_frog

Yup scan done, all good to go, lining 4mm and lots of follies (expected as PCo) and start gonal f on Saturday. Then rescan Monday. Fingers crossed no OHSS this time.... Nurse didn't seem overly confident on that. Plus huge push for blasts which we don't really want after our 2nd cycle. But hey one scan at a time....


----------



## Trin Trin

Evening all!!

Right I've had a read of what's going on and now know where we all are!!!

Kl - I know turning 40 was a big deal for you and so sorry your birthday this year was shadowed with what could have been....and the dreaded AF showing up late on your birthday to top it off. I agree with Carter and 41 is not too old to conceive, and being the string willed determined woman you are, you're not giving up without trying and exploring every avenue! Thinking of you tomorrow with the results from ARGC🙏

Caro - sorry to hear the test results weren't what you're hoping for. I've heard positive stories of couples taking a break from treatment and using clomid and it just happens!!! You just never know.....fingers crossed🙏

Crazy Frog - it's all starting again for you!! I always look forward to the treatment starting.....strange that I looked forward to injections, hot sweat etc. Sending positive thoughts your way.

Sasha - hope all is going well.

Carter - Sickness returning?? What's all that about? Booooo to that!! Hope you're feeling better now and baby girls are doing well💕

AFM - I'm feeling really rough with the MS which really is all day. It's getting me a bit down as I feel like crap most of the day. Gone off food, smells kill me. But I can't complain as its part of the deal. The bleeding is what really scares and freaks me out😢 the scan showed where the bleed is and there was evidently some still there. They told me to expect another bleed when I was scanned on Thursday at 8 weeks. Friday I bled in the morning and again on Saturday....I didn't panic as I expected it but it does frighten me. Now I'm just spotting a bit with brown. Baby has now caught up and measured 7+6. Early days still....

Right, I'm off to bed 😴😴 xx


----------



## KLconfused

Trin - im glad everything is going well regards growth etc. Its also great you had the scan so you knew to expect the bleeding. hopefully that's the end of it now and it will be plain sailing for you. 

crazy - good luck with your cycle. fingers crossed for you. 

AFM had the results from ARGC. Everything fine that clinics normally test - ovaries, lining, hormones, ovulation etc etc. The immunes tests come back with cytokines high at 36.5 when up to 30 is normal. They want me to take Humira but I don't think I can take that with my crohns medicine. Ive called my crohns consultant and she is on maternity leave but hopefully will call me today anyway. Pretty sure I cant take it though but the ARGC were no use as they just said they didn't know. There's another drug which im just going to check and take that instead I think. 

I was so down yesterday having read all about cytokines etc. I know its all unproven and most clinics don't even test it but I think if my levels are high and I cant take the best drugs for it then is it pointless to carry on. I have felt like my body is fighting pregnancy for the last year. I went to bodytalk last night (energy fields a bit like acupuncture). She said I was trying to find a problem and there isn't one. Everythings working fine. It is possible that I need to change donor as that sometimes helps but it was so hard to find him I cant face trying to find another one. 

So once I have the call from my crohns consultant ill go in as soon as possible for the intralipids then retest bloods 2 weeks later and then see, maybe more intralipids or maybe start IVF. Im on day 6 now so im not sure we will be able to start next cycle so maybe one after - I still hate all the waiting!

yesterday morning I was talking to a lady same age as me and 1 son through IVF and she isn't having another as she says she feels too old and she is just grateful for DS. I had been thinking that life now is pretty great except the IF nightmare and what If I have more problems or a disabled child etc. Maybe I should stay as I am with 1 DD. But then I talk to the clinic and they make me so sad and miserable but also it seems to make it impossible to give up. I cant explain it well. Maybe my thoughts of stopping now are just last minute wobbles as we will start treatment soon. Who knows. I don't think ill ever get past having an infertile husband. I think ill be 60 and still going on about how awful this all is.


----------



## Dolphins

Hi all  

Sorry I haven't been on here for a couple of weeks, but have been trying to come to terms with my recent BFN, plus trying to get my head around the fact that I am 40 now, and the fact that we have just very recently found out that our son is very "delayed developmentally" this is despite being born very prematurely.  He is also displaying autistic traits, however they don't know if this is part of his developmental delay at the mo. but have been told that it may take some time to diagnosis him, if indeed he has got long term problems, because at the moment he is too young.  However we are waiting for a referral to a Community paediatrician, therefore he is not going to be discharged from the system.   Therefore we have to come to terms with the fact that our child has "additional needs", which will be never be easy to come to terms with if it's your child, but especially, if this may be our only child.   

xx


----------



## Crazy_frog

Kl, I think it's hard when you receive immune tests as it's still few specialists within the area. I don't understand all of it, but I guess (and I am so sorry if I'm wrong) you have previously had a baby- so it is possible- and I know a lot of immune tests are based of inflammatory markers- so this will be affected by things like crohns. I do think it should be up to the doctor who orders the tests, prescribed drugs etc to ensure they are compatible with other meds and it must be frustrating for you to be chasing. I hope that you get answers soon. There are positives there though, everything physically is good and hormone levels are in your favour. It's also a tricky, mixed up emotional journey, I guess you need to work through those feelings and do what feels right for your family. I have everything crossed for you. 
Dolphins, I hope your coping ok following your result. I look after premies and know the road is never over when you leave nicu. It can be difficult when waiting for diagnosis and plans, but one step at a time. Hopefully you'll have a great team to support you and your son.


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Kl - well I'm glad all the tests came back as normal and all is okay. I'm not familiar with the immune side of things but shouldn't ARGC be able to advise whether or not the drug can be taken with your crohns meds? Have you heard back from your specialist to see what they advise? I hope they can confirm this all to you ASAP in order for you to commence your next cycle

Crazy frog - hope all is going well and look forward to hear how your scan goes on Monday. Hope you're not having too many side affects.

Carter, Sasha and Caro - hope you're all doing okay xx


----------



## Trin Trin

Happy Mothers Day everyone!! All of us have our little blessings/miracles giving us that much loved title 'Mummy' ❤ hope we can all be blessed further with another miracle very soon 🙏


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## Crazy_frog

Hope everyone had nice day yesterday with los. 
Scan today showed double figures on each side, all less than 10mm but only had clomid and 2 x gonal 75u. Worried already about OHSS. Scan weds so will see then....fingers crossed.


----------



## KLconfused

crazy - glad the scan went well. Your bound to worry about OHSS but your clinic know about it now so will do everything they can to prevent it. 

Dolphins - it sounds like your having a really tough time. A close friend has a son with aspergers and its been really hard for her but she is reaching the light at the end of the tunnel now and things are getting easier. I cant imagine the worry you must be going through. were all here for you if you need to unload. I sincerely hope you get your longed for second child too. 

Trin - how are things? Must be nearly time for your 10 week scan now? 

Caro how is the clomid?

AFM so I went to the clinic last week and had the intralipids. My crohns consultants secretary came back to me saying the consultant hadn't heard of cytokines but cant see why the clinic would put me on Humira when im well. She suggested the clinic write to her with details. I went back to the clinic and told them they had to decide what I could take as my consultant was away. So I think they said intralipids although its never that clear. Ive had a bit of a panic as my blood results for crohns have been completely normal for a while and I feel great and im nervous this ICSI will mess that up. I go back in for another blood test next Wednesday then I will find out if the intralipids have worked and I can start ICSI or if I need more intralipids. Call me a cynic but you can guess which one im expecting!

I also had the NHS scan today and the guy said everything is normal. So no problem found in any of the stuff they normally look at just the NKC/cytokines. I knew it wouldn't be something straight forward. Im also about to ovulate so ive tried with donor this month and his availability has been great. I think he is sick of me so is trying harder to get rid of me! As of tomorrow ill be in another 2ww. If I knew ICSI would work id rather have a child from that than my donor but sadly we don't know and the odds are only 30% so need to keep trying with donor. I have this dream that the intralipids bring down my cytokines so I get pregnant now with donor. God that would be great. Its the hope that keeps us all going though isn't it even when somethings unlikely. 

Hi to every one else.


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## Crazy_frog

Kl- glad they've made a decision, although i can understand worries about potentially upsetting your results. I hope it's relatively straightforward and beat of luck with donor. 

So slow growth today, dose increased to 100u. Worried about OHSS but guess they know what they're doing and they do need to increase, guess more drug to share between them all.  But odd that more follies despite being older. 

Hi to everyone, hope all is well.


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi ladies

I'm posting crap news had my 10 week scan today and sadly my baby stopped developing last week. I feel so numb.....experienced brown spotting over the weekend and then mild cramps and backache. Not sure if I can do this again, just too painful. Need to think about how I miscarry either surgically or naturally. Great decision to make!!

Feel so angry....words cannot explain :-(


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## Trin Trin

Sorry about the 'me' post. I'll catch up with you all once my ordeal is over xx


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## Anjelissa

Oh no, Trin  I'm so very sorry 
I'm not surprised you feel angry, along with 101 other emotions I'm sure 
It's just so unfair, and so very hard to make sense of  
I'm thinking of you.
Lots of love to you and your family 
Anj x x x


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## Carter4

Nooooooo Trin, oh my darling, I'm so so sorry. What a horrendous decision to be faced with, massive, uber tight hugs hun xxxx


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## Crazy_frog

Oh Trin, I am so sorry to read this. Hugs and thinking of your family. Hear to listen to whatever you may wish to share.


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## Sasha1973

Trin I'm so sorry to hear this, it must be devastating, this journey can be so cruel. Sending you massive hugs


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## caro8500

Oh Trin so saddened and devastated for you. Can only imagine how you are feeling right now especially after all you have been through. Here if you want to talk but understand if you don't xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Trin,
I've been lurking in the background reading the posts on the thread and just wanted to say I'm totally devastated for you. I know there is nothing anyone can say to ease the pain anger or frustration you must be feeling right now but I'm sending big big hugs and thinking of you. Life is so bloody unfair sometimes. Take care of yourself and lots of cuddles with LO.

Xxxxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Thank you so much ladies, you've all been so supportive during this torturous cycle both oldies and newbies. Pene, special thank you for checking up on our progress. I'm still in bits and today stayed in bed without even cleaning myself or brushing my teeth....me and DH just sobbed most of the day. Didn't call my dr to discuss the miscarriage management either. Clinic called to see how I'm doing and just to go over my options as it was all a blur. But I've been through this in 2011 so I know the procedure.....still haven't decided what to do. Can't cope and feel absolutely useless. I really thought this was going to be the one with all I've been through.....

Thank you all again and I'll update you all soon. Xxx


----------



## KLconfused

Trin - im so so so sorry to hear your news. I really hoped this was the one for you as well. This has been so awful for you with all you have been through this cycle. I know when I got told my baby had died I didn't want to let it go. I had a natural miscarriage within 3 days of being told at EPU. But I remember it was very hard waiting at home for it to happen and I couldn't go out or anything just incase. I cant advise what to do next, im so sorry but I know what your going through and my thoughts are with you xxxxxx


----------



## Trin Trin

Thanks Kl, problem I have is the bleeding hasn't started. If I hadn't had the scan on Thursday I still would be none the wiser as I'm still suffering with all day sickness!! I'm tired of the all the suffering and pain I feel, to still have the sickness is an added cruelty. I plan on going Drs tomorrow as I think I want this over with now as quickly as possible.

Hope everyone is doing okay xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Has the baby definately stopped developing Trin? Sorry, don't wNt to give you false hope, and I'm not expert but just wondering if they could've got it wrong?


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## Crazy_frog

Oh Trin, had dreadfully unfair (and every other emotion). I hope you are being gentle with yourself and just try to take each step as it comes. I hope you have a kind gp tomorrow who will be supportive. 
Thoughts with you and your family.


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## KLconfused

Trin,  I had bleeding and went to the epu where I found out baby had died. I'd had a scan at 7 weeks and all was fine but at 10+6 it had gone and sac was small and empty. I think my baby died shortly after the 7 week scan but I continued to get bigger and have nausea etc right until the last day. I think it could take your body weeks to do it naturally and I couldn't deal with that and would have had operation.  I hope everything goes smoothly today and you can start to heal. Xx.


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## Dolphins

Oh Trin, I am so sorry! It must be just awful! After everything you have been through as well.  Life is just so cruel at times, "word's I bet just doesn't cut it, does it?" but remember we are "ALL here for you, and your family."  BIG hufgs hun!     "I'll be thinking of you."

KLconfused - "thank you for your support", and yes we are worried sick about our son at the moment.  We are currently awaiting for him to be referred to the Community Paediatrician, who will then assess him through what I think is called the "complex assessment" team, to see if they be able to diagnose him or not.  We have got told by the hospital physio. and O.T. that he may not be given a diagnosis however until he is 3, as he is still young at the moment, and still developing.

However, he regresses quite a lot, and have been told by the physio. and O.T. that this is not common, and they haven't seen anyone regress as they have our son, which made us feel really great!   He has now stopped 'pulling himself up.'

Anyway! We have an appointment with our clinic on Weds. to see the Dr. I presume for a follow up to the cycle, but it's only been 4 weeks, and I can't help wondering if it's "too early".  I haven't got any questions prepared or anything.  They made us the appt. and not us.  What do you think we should do, still attend? Answer's on a postcode please!  Many thanks.  

Bye for now ladies.  

xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Thinking of you today Trin trin xxx


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## Trin Trin

Thanks ladies. I'm having the ERPC tomorrow first thing.....😢


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## caro8500

So sad for you Trin. Will be thinking of you also. xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Oh Trin im so so sorry. Big big hugs xx


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## Sasha1973

Thinking of you today trin


----------



## Crazy_frog

Thinking of you Trin x


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## Anjelissa

Thinking of you today Trin  
Lots of love and hugs  x x


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## Carter4

Trin massive hugs for a very difficult day. Just wish there was more we could all do xx


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## Dolphins

Thinking of you today Trin.     Word's can't describe how you must be feeling, look after yourself.    xx


----------



## Carter4

Just had a chance to properly catch up........

KL - Hope your blood test goes well tomorrow. Fx the intralipids do what you need them to do. Keep hold of that hope with both hands if you can.

Crazy - Are your follies behaving? When is your EC or have you already had it?

Dolphins - Did you decide whether to attend your review tomorrow? I think I would be tempted to still go, even if unprepared, just because you could be waiting a while for another appt. Then again it depends on when you next plan on cycling? You do seem to have a lot on your plate at the moment. I hope you get a diagnosis for your lb soon. Nothing worse than wondering, I should imagine your brain is in overdrive right now.

Hello to the rest of the gang <waving>

AFM - Now have gestational diabetes in the mix, find out more on Thursday. Only just tipped over into their cut off point too, grrrr.


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## Crazy_frog

Hi Carter, hope they're looking after you. See what info they give, be careful about Dr Google tho. 
Thanks for asking, follies sped up and ec tomorrow. I'd imagine 6-8, but clinic say 14. We are aiming for quality not quantity on lite programme. 
All best for everyone. X


----------



## Carter4

........Dr Google was most definitely my enemy yesterday evening. Just hope it can be diet controlled, rather than having to resort to Metformin or insulin. I have a fairly good knowledge base about diabetes, due to the fact that my ex had Type 1. 

Your follie count sounds promising Crazy, and hopefully that one good quality embie is hiding in there. Good luck for your EC tomorrow.


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## Crazy_frog

Great you've some experience, a lot f times diet can manage it well and especially if you're only just over. Watch out for fruits- especially juice- it has lots of fructose and that'll send sugars up. If you need meds, it's not as easy but its about keeping you and bubs safe and well. 
Thanks for the positive thoughts. Will update when I can, positive thoughts for us all.


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## Sasha1973

Crazy frog - good luck for EC tomorrow, fingers crossed you get some great quality eggs!

Carter - sorry to hear about the GD fingers crossed it can be diet controlled.

Trin - still thinking of you  

 To everyone else 

AFM - waiting for AF to arrive so I can start stimms hopefully by this time next week


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## Dolphins

Thanks for your responses ladies.  

Carter - we have decided to attend our follow-up appt. today, and are now going harmed with some questions.  At the end of the day it is not going to kill us if we don't ask all the questions that we need to ask right now, as we can always ask them later.  We after take our son though as we haven't got a babysitter, so it's a good job that the appt. is late, so we don't across many couples who are still struggling to conceive their 1st child, as I clearly remember what it's like.  "Thanks" for your sound advice though Carter. 

Anyway! Bye for now.

xx


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## Crazy_frog

Dolphins, hope appointment goes ok. Yes sometimes it's tricky to take children in, but our nurses reassured us that sometimes its reassuring to others. 
Sasha, hope you don't have to wait too long. It'll fly when you get going. Can't believe I complained not so long ago about ad being AWOL!!
Hi to everyone else,
Today was ec, not the best expereince ever. In 4 years they've changed the drugs and it did not work!! One very sheepish anaesthetist.....ah well done now. Some post collection bleeding, new for me, but hope it'll settle. We got 10 eggs. Very pleased and shattered! Just keeping everything crossed for good news tomorrow am.


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## Sasha1973

Crazy frog 10 eggs is amazing you must be so pleased! Fingers crossed you have excellent fertilisation rates too, so exciting! 

I can't wait to start now!


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## KLconfused

Crazy - I hate EC so im pleased for you its over and 10 eggs is great. I remember how nerve wracking it is waiting for that phone call. fingers crossed.

Hi to everyone else. 

Trin - I hope your healing well and starting to get over the awful few months you have had. 

AFM - I went to ARGC yesterday for the follow up bloods after my immune treatment. Should find out soon if it worked or if I need more treatment. There's a slight chance I could start treatment next week but the train lines are going to be in chaos so im not sure what to do. I feel whichever month I choose will be the wrong month! 

I had a real wobble yesterday. I hate the trains as im claustrophobic. I can feel the panic as soon as the doors lock before the train pulls off. Also in the village where i live we have a lovely private school with a nursery and preschool. We have always wanted to send DD there. We have savings that will allow 2 goes at ICSI with ARGC (assuming the cost is what they quoted). But those savings were ideally for DD for her first 2 years of school to allow me to try to find another job so I can pay for her schooling going forward. If we do 2 x ICSI and it doesn't work we will have no baby #2 and no money for school for DD. It will put so much pressure on. If we don't do ICSI then finances are Ok for her to go to private school. 
The schools in our area are rubbish. I didnt find this out until 6 months ago. The only good primary and secondary schools are outside my catchment area. I just have to cross my fingers she will get into the primary school when the time comes. We are also considering moving to be nearer better schools but that's expensive and we only moved to this house 2 years ago and I don't want to move. From neighbours ive learnt most people with young kids and the ability to do so have moved to be nearer good schools. 

I guess im panicking a bit. Ive had the time of my life being home with DD for 23 months and im already sad that this will finish next year when she starts preschool. Again im angry this wonderful time is being ruined by yet another round of IVF (3rd since she was born). 
How do I choose between spending the money on DD's education or chasing another baby that isn't likely to happen as the odds are only 30%. I know a pregnancy will be stressful and the risks are high due to age. I don't expect to relax really until a baby is here so that's another 9 months of my time with DD that I wont be focused on enjoying every second with her. Im also scared I have symptoms since the intralipids and they are similar to crohns so im just feeling this is all so unnatural messing with my body and maybe it will cause crohns to come back.

If we have another baby im not sure what we will do about school but I don't want to worry about that now as I think its so unlikely we will get another child. 

Or is this all just normal wobbles before IVF? I remember mostly just wanting to get on with it before. But now I feel maybe I should delay a month because of the travel disruption and hope it works with my donor in our final month. I feel so torn and when I said to my husband I wasn't sure we should carry on his eyes lit up. I think he wants baby 2 and is supportive but he would be happy if we stopped IVF.

sorry for such a lot of jumbled waffle!


----------



## Sasha1973

Klconfused I totally appreciate where you're coming from, it's a hard decision to make to know what to do for the best. I think my DP feels pretty much the same as yours - he wants another child but would also be happy to stop all Ivf and move on. What I do is ask myself what I'll regret more - trying another cycle with the possibility of it being negative or not having another cycle and moving on and concentrating on DS. I feel I will regret not going again so that's what we're doing this time, my decision may be different next time. You say you have enough for 2 cycles with ARGC, what if you had one and reviewed the situation again then? You never know you may not even need to if you get a bfp, either way there'd still be some money left in the pot for DD fees, just a thought, sorry I can't be more help. 

Crazy - good luck for your call today, looking forward to hearing your news. 

Hello to everyone else. 

Afm - DP and I are off for a spa day today for a bit of relaxation before cycle 4 starts hopefully next week. DS is staying the night at grandmas, I miss him when he's not in his cot but also appreciate the lie in I'll have tomorrow morning!!


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## Crazy_frog

Kl, I think it's harder when you can "see" what the money is for. I guess it's a tough call between 2 things that are important to you. I agree with sasha, maybe one cycle (hopefully all you'll need!). Whatever decision will leave you with "what ifs", I guess I tend to lean towards I wont regret what I did, but I'll definitely regret what I didn't try. 
Sasha, have a wonderful day and a lovely lie in tomorrow. 

So phone call, good news. 9 were mature, 7 fertilised normally. We have elected for day 3 transfer- worked before. Our clinic only freeze on day 5, so should there be others, they'll keep them over the weekend and freeze Monday/ tues. Come on little embies.... Thanks for the thoughts ladies.


----------



## Sasha1973

Crazy frog that's brilliant news, you must be so chuffed. It's another hurdle down and another step closer. I'm a fan of day 2/3 transfers too - our DS was a day 2 a we never have any to choose between anyway and I always think they're best back in mummy's tummy where they should be. Fingers crossed you get some frosties too!


----------



## Crazy_frog

Thanks sasha, Ive no idea we will have more on mon for that option. We've only got to blast once and quality wasn't so great- maybe OHSS. However we know day 3 worked and we can have faith in that. I think clinic think we are mad, they seem to believe it'll be fine, but it hasn't been in past and we just want something to transfer- especially as ec was traumatic!


----------



## caro8500

Crazy- fab news. 7 is a great number. Another 3 day success story here and would deffo go with 3 days again (the only time we went to blast the quality wasn't good by day 5) you might get some to freeze too but hopefully you won't need them 

Sasha - Hope you enjoyed your spa day, lovely to have a sleep in too. 

KL - Totally get how you are struggling with having another cycle. I just keep putting off even thinking about it. I said we'd look at cycling again in summer but I've done nothing about booking in for a consultation at another clinic yet. I've always been so eager to get started with the next cycle before but not this time. Things really difficult with work and my mood really low so maybe that's why. I just can't get my head around it.  On with the clomid but sure AF on its way. No easy decisions in this game and frustrating its so bloody expensive. Not knowing the outcome it doesn't seem a fair decision to have to make, I guess at the end of the day its just making a decision that you can live with.  x

Trin...sending you big hugs.


----------



## Carter4

Trin thinking of you so much, and   that you are as okay as you can be under the circumstances?  

Ooooh Sasha not much longer before you're out of the starting blocks then. Hope AF doesn't mess you about! I bet your spa day was lovely and relaxing?

Dolphins - How did your follow up appt go?

Crazy - Sorry to hear about your traumatic EC, did the sedation not touch you at all then? Don't re-live it if you have since moved on. My first was like that, I came around swearing, flailing and thrashing (you can imagine how dignified that looked)!!!! Any others since, have been fine, thank gawd!
Great news on your 7 embies too, and good luck with your ET. How many are you having put back? 

Caro/KL I hope both you ladies find the inner strength to carry on trying, but I do recognise some of the feelings you both express. I was feeling exactly the same on our last cycle. It scared me that we may never attempt for a sibling again, and I'll never know whether we would have stuck to that or not now!

Penelope - Wonderful to see you popping in, although for sad reasons as we all know.

xxxx


----------



## Dolphins

Thanks ladies for your supportive comments.  

In regard's to our follow-up appt. on Weds. it just confirmed what we already knew sadly, and that was because we had such a poor fertilisation rate in this cycle, this sadly point's to poor egg quality because of my age, which ultimately reading between the lines mean's egg donor.  

Therefore, the plan for us is that we are going to use our frozen embryo up next, whenever we are ready, and then if this doesn't work we are going to go to donor, and as the problem is with my eggs, then we'll have to use egg donor.  This is obviously not ideal, but if this is the only way that I can get pregnant again, well! That's the only way!  The Dr. say's that at my age I only have a 10 - 12% chance of it working using my own eggs now, this success rate increases to about 35% using egg donor.  However, our Dr. said think carefully about going ahead with donor, but the way I see it now is that if we have no choice, we have no choice! However, upsetting this may be for me!

Anyway! Before we get to that, we are going to hope that our frozen one work's, and next time the Dr. is going to do something different, and put me on some steroid medication, on top of the usual FET drugs, so it will help with my uterine lining, in case it is that instead of the embryo quality that is not making the embryo implant.  So at least the Dr. is going to try something different, so that sound's positive, however if it's not that he said, he said that he can't do anything if it's the embryo quality.

Finally! We found out this morning that our son has been referred to the Community Paediatrician now, so after a 3 mth. waiting list we should be seen by them, so we are probably talking summer time.  Then, once he is seen by the Community Paediatrician, they will take it from there reg. what specialist's he will be seeing in reg. to his condition/s.  We didn't know whether to be pleased or not.  We are now glad that he is on the waiting list, but we are obviously not glad that he has to be referred to them, but then again they should be able to help him and us now, so mixed feelings. :/

Anyway! Bye for now.

xx


----------



## Crazy_frog

Dolphins, great to hear things are moving for you. I understand the mixed feelings with this though. 
Carter, this time they used a different med, it didn't touchc me at all! No one seemed to notice ether and it all seemed a surprise when I could finally talk. Oh not impressed at anaesthetist, he seemed sheepish but not a lot they could do after. How did your appointment go Thursday? How you feeling?
Caro, thanks. It's so hard when everyone tells you to aim for blasts, but I think belief comes into it to, to keep positive we believe inside mummy is right for our embies. Frozens would be great, but we've never got there. We have fewer eggs to start, well in theory due to minimal stimms, so we don't expect it. It can and does work on day 3....I keep telling myself. 

Trin, you remain in my thoughts, I hope you're doing as best you can. X

Today is day 3, we've planned childcare and we'll be off to the clinic later. Anxious as I don't know if they call again, worried they will and be bad news, just anxious. Each step as it comes, until they're home, nothing we can do.....repeat and breathe!!


----------



## Crazy_frog

So they did call, completely freaked me out!! But it was good news. 
2 on board, one fast and one on track. Lots of googling, need to take my own advice I think!! Here's hoping all goes to plan.


----------



## Sasha1973

That's excellent news crazy frog congratuoations on being PUPO! When's your OTD?

Carter yes I had a lovely time at at the spa, lovely atmosphere good massage and excellent food. I hope you're well?

Trin still thinking of you and hope you're ok  

Caro how are you doing? 

Hi to everyone else

Afm AF is imminent now I can feel her on her way, I did do a test this morning just in case there was a miracle but sadly and predictably negative. Having a bit of concern over dates of EC as DP is away on holiday the week after next and I reckon I may need him to come back for EC as I think it'll be a day or two earlier than predicted but I'm not going to get stressed about it if he has to cut his holiday short so be it, it can't be helped and some things are just more important


----------



## Crazy_frog

Glad spa was lovely sasha, exciting it's almost time to start! Take each step as it comes and go from there. 
Test on 8th, hoping this bit will be straightforward.


----------



## Carter4

Dolphins - Hope the tweaks made to your future protocol make all the difference for your next cycle. 

Crazy - Thanks for asking re Thursdays appt. Tbh it was much of a muchness, lasted 40 mins, and was basically a run down on how to use the blood monitoring gadget. I have to do this qds. All readings fine so far, apart from two right on the cusp. Hoping diet management alone will do the trick. Irony is I haven't had to make any changes thus far, so have no idea why the gtt unfolded the way it did!
Your EC sounds awful, and no wonder your DH was annoyed about it on your behalf. Fab news on your two precious embies being on board though. With my twinnies, one was fast developing, and the other on track!!! The 8th doesn't feel too far off at all. I hope you are coping with the 2ww so far? Tonnes of luck.

Sasha - Has AF arrived yet?


----------



## Crazy_frog

Glad it was ok Carter, rubbish you've gotta test so much but hopefully will be fine. Thanks Carter, and everyone, for not saying we're crazy! We're your embies d3 too? Can I ask how fast one was, seems like mixed bag of results from it so not sure how to feel. Thanks for the luck, not much else we can do at the moment.


----------



## Carter4

My DD was a frozen 2dt (dropped from 4 to 3 cell during the thaw process), and these twinnies were also a 2dt, (I hasten to add DE in case you didn't realise), one was an average 4 cell, and the other a fast 6 cell, all were grade 2. I've never been able to get to blast, so I really know no different. Hang in there.


----------



## caro8500

Just a quick one to say congrats son being pupo crazy frog. All sounding good....now you just a need a bit of distraction until the 8th. EC sounds rubbish. I had Similar experience with my 3rd collection but I was able to tell them and they quickly gave me more drugs. Was scared last time round in case it were to happen again but all was fine. Hopefully you won't have to go through it again though  x


----------



## Crazy_frog

Thanks Carter, I think it shows this grading thing is not the b all and end all. It can and does work with all grades and speeds. Sometimes I dont think it's as scientific as they like to make us believe!!
Caro, I guess I just go into myself, I was crying but they "didn't notice". Right now, I'm not sure id want to go through ec again, which shocked the consultant as I don't think she was aware (was not on for ec). Here's hoping we don't need to......
Kl, I hope your ok, I saw your post about argc and I hope things become clearer for you. Thinking of you.
Trin, still in my thoughts- not sure if you're still around or taking much needed break. 
Sasha, how's the watch going?? Any news...that wait is pretty awful too!


----------



## Carter4

......couldn't agree more Crazy, have seen many grade 3 succeed where grade 1 have failed. I used to think fast division was bad, but have since changed my mind! Fx you never have to endure another EC again.

Trin - (((((((xx)))))))

caro - Not sure where you are in your cycle, but heaps of luck using the clomid.

AFM - Hospital kindly lost a blood sample I gave last week or it was not useable (both equally irritating), so got to do that again. Pah. Also feeling pretty windswept here!!!


----------



## Sasha1973

Carter glad you seem to be getting the GD under control, hopefully it'll all be fine until the babies are here now. 

Crazy my son was a fast growing 2 day embie as well, he was at 5 cells by 4 days but quite fragmented they graded him a borderline 2-3 (1 being perfect and 4 being bad) so just goes to show anything can happen. How's your 2ww going?

AFM af arrived with a vengeance yesterday morning so I've been up to the clinic for a scan and to collect all my drugs today and then I start stimms tomorrow, so glad it's finally nearly happening again. Does anyone have any advice on what can help and what to avoid during stimming? Fingers crossed EC will be either Monday 13th or Wednesday 15th


----------



## Crazy_frog

Carter, rubbish you had to repeat bloods, I work in the nhs but some days.... Hope repeats are sorted quickly and all good. 
Sasha, hopefully last af for you. Good luck with scan. I was told lots of water, juice, isotonic drinks (2l+). Protein is good for all those eggs you'll be growing. Otherwise we never did anything too much, no alcohol or caffeine though. Let us know how it goes. 
Afm, I'm going crazy, positive up til today and then having a wobbly day. Symptom spotter extraordinare!! Need to step away from Google, but if you ladies wanted to share then that'll be different!!  one week to go, going very crazy now.


----------



## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Sorry for my absence....although I have been reading and keeping up to date with where you all are. I just wasn't able to say anything useful and productive without welling up into tears. I feel like an absolute failure, but the rational side of me knows that I shouldn't be blaming myself. However, I do need answers to why I can't sustain a pregnancy. The NHS have now referred me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic as I've had 3 in a row now, two having to have the awful ERPC and last year was early at before 7 weeks......upsetting and devastating but not as traumatic as my most recent experience. My body is still going through the motions, heavy bleeding since the procedure last week. I have my follow up consultation on 13th and my main focus will be on tests/immunes. I also asked for karyotyping from the baby/foetus to check for chromosomal abnormalities. Perhaps my eggs are not any good?? Don't know, but would like some answers to help explain. IVF always gives me a BFP but never a baby to take home......I thought this would be my last time and naively I thought this pregnancy was going to be a success.

I brought a book "Is Your Body Baby Friendly"....I'll let u know what I think..

Believe it or not if I can get answers we're going to try again.....think I'm a sucker for punishment. Initially my worry was will it work but now I have the worry of it working and then the worry if will the pregnancy last.....I'll consider anything, donor eggs but I feel my body is the issue, even surrogacy...just want another baby....

Anyway....
Crazy frog - what an ordeal you've had with egg collection. I can't imagine that happening, how can they get the sedation or anaesthetic so wrong?? Well, not long to go before test day🙏🙏🙏 I don't know anything about the question you asked re the embryos, but it seems Carter has provided you with reassurance.

Sasha - it's weird the different feelings we have for our AF during the cycles. Wanting it to come so we can start and then not wanting it to come obviously for OTD. Well I'm glad you can finally get started.

Carter - how annoying your bloods going missing and having to do again. Glad you haven't got to change your diet too much. Lovely to see and hear the twin girls are doing well. So pleased the finishing line is getting nearer and nearer and your dreams of completing your family draws near💕

Caro - fingers crossed the clomid cycles do the trick for you. How's things at work now?

Kl - I read your post about trying twice vs the schooling for your daughter. I guess take one thing at a time. You're still trying with the donor....plus of that fails the one cycle could be all you need. Funny as last year my DH wasn't fussed about trying again and now he's the one that doesn't want to give up. The miscarriage really messed him up as be was always so positive and believed everything would be okay. 

What's clear is we're all determined ladies and despite what we go through still will do whatever it takes to fulfil our dreams. I never thought I'd try again as the last few weeks in fact the entire pregnancy was a nightmare.....but I will Try Again. Thank u all for your support and kindness, much appreciated xx


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## Crazy_frog

Trin, the rational part of yourself is correct. The very last thing you are is a failure. Please don't allow these thoughts to consume you. It is a devastating and miserable time, but your body did not fail. I know referral isn't good, due to circumstances but it is hopefully helpful for you and will benefit you. I admire your determination, it takes a very strong person to get up and try again. Gentle hugs, keep going- each day is one step closer to our dreams. X


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## KLconfused

Trin - hi , im so glad your back as I was worried about you - infact I think we all were. I totally get what you mean in being uncertain over the cause. When you have male IF and then a female problem rears its head its certainly hard to take! I swing between thinking my eggs are crap, my bodys fighting the embryos to there's nothing wrong with me. I think when your in the midst of a IVF cycle or just after its very very addictive and I know ill want to go again if this fails. Your a very strong determined woman and I don't think you will stop until you get a sibling. Ive thought of surrogacy too and DE! 

Crazy - good luck in the 2ww, I know its agony but your nearly there now. 

Caro - You have so much else going on its no surprise you cant face more IVF at the moment. I realised the other day that I think im in no rush because id rather have hope that the next treatment will work than being in the position where we have given up and have to accept it. Also I think the clomid will help. Certainly trying with my donor it really helped me to not want to do the next IVF because I felt every month I was trying and every month could be the one without needing IVF. So keep trying, you have the clomid so you are doing all you can at this moment and for a lot of people clomid is all it takes. 

Sasha - ive started the same day as you! Good luck

AFM - AF showed so no good again with donor last month. In fact my NHS scan showed I didn't ovulate even though I got peak on OPK. Very upset but called ARGC and they have started me already so I went for scan Tuesday and started Meds Wednesday and im now in treatment! Lots of tears Monday as AF came very early so the logistics were difficult but thankfully my parents cancelled plans so they could have DD. Ive been into ARGC every day since Tuesday and its much easier than I thought. Im just over an hour away in the car but I do go at 5am and just sit waiting. I am not on max doses of drugs and I asked why, as I was at other clinic, and the doc said too much drug can ruin the egg so they base my dose on daily blood results. Its soooooooooooo different to the Wessex where I was before. Its hard work and frustrating until you get your teach session and start properly because until then you haven't a clue what's happening. I had a hystoscopy Thursday and so far all my tests have been fine and the intralipids have bought down my cytokines which was the only thing wrong they could find. Hopefully they are still at a good level. 

So far I feel positive about the clinic although the cost is already a shocker and hubbie is concerned as ive already said I could do this again if I had to. If ARGC cant get me a baby no one can. I feel demoralised as the success rate is only 30% and also im worried about my eggs as im 41 and the risk of problems is so high now even if I manage to get pregnant. Im not going over what might happen but my biggest fear is 0% fertilisation. But the other half of me is upbeat and so glad im giving it this shot. I haven't told my donor incase this fails and I want to try again with him. 

Hi to everyone else.


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## Crazy_frog

Hello to all, 
Kl, glad you're starting and good luck going with the flow! It sounds intensive and very well controlled. Wishing you all the luck. 
Trying to remain positive and you're right few days left now. Not feeling great with bloating, nausea and look 5 months preggo!! Oh worrying it's Hyperstimulation but I didn't have that many eggs so I doubt it.


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## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

Just a quick post to say that I hope that everyone is having a good Easter (well if you can, if you have had a recent BFN).  

Anyway!  I hope that you can all have a relaxing Bank Holiday weekend.  

Bye for now.

xxx


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## Carter4

Hi Guys

Trin - Really relieved to hear from you. I hope you get some concrete answers on the 13th. Will this be when you see the mc specialist too? Hope the book is giving you some ideas, but not too heavy going as no doubt you are still fragile. You're not a sucker for punishment, you have a simple dream of wanting to complete your family, and despite the sheer heartache you have had to suffer, that want will not subside. 

Crazy - How are you fairing? Have you managed to stay away from the hpts? Not long now if you have! Best of luck. On my DD's cycle the only symptom I had was feeling flu like for a couple of hours 5dp2dt, and then at 14dp2dt, it felt as if the floor in a shop had gone all soft, and kind of given way, that was the evening we got our bfp. Admittedly with the twinnies I had a lot more symptoms, but then I guess you would really?!

Sasha - I tend to forget how quick the short protocol is. Amazing to think your EC is only next week. I would always drink pineapple juice during the stimms stage to try and help get a nice sticky lining, up protein if you can, ooooh and Brazil nuts (5-6 per day). Tbh I have no idea if it really helps, but it made me feel a bit more proactive in the whole process. I definitely recollect flaxseed being good too.

KL - How frustrating about your ovulation. I hope you get your break at ARGC. Good luck for this tx cycle.

Dolphins - Hope you have been able to enjoy some of the Easter weekend. It's a lovely sunny day here.

Hi to everyone else xx


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## Carter4

Just nipping on to wish you lots of luck crazy for your otd tomorrow xx


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## caro8500

Good Luck for tomorrow Crazy.Fingers and Toes crossed

First round of Clomid BFN for me. Better luck with round 2 hopefully!

Everything been crazy busy recently but will try and respond properly when I have a bit more time, although off on Holiday for 10 days Friday (Yipee!!!) very excited as is DS

x


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## Trin Trin

Good luck for tomorrow Crazy🙏


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## Sasha1973

Crazy frog good luck for OTD tomorrow  

Trin it's good to have you back, I hope you're well  

Kl confused it's nice we're cycling at the same time, how are things going for you?

Carter thank you for the stimming advice, I've definitely been eating loads more protein this time and drinking a litre of milk a day, having Brazil nuts and drinking lots of water, it'll be really interesting to see how this impacts on my eggs and embryo quality as that's always been a problem for us in the past. 

Caro sorry your round didn't work this time   I do hope you have a amazing holiday though. 

AFM day 7 of stimms today and back in tomorrow morning for a scan and bloods. When I went Monday there were about 8 or 9 follies in total ranging from 8-11mm which I was happy with although the doctor thought they could've been bigger and said they may increase my menopur depending on tomorrow's scan. Lining was looking nice at 8.9mm. Oh and apparently I have a long vaginal cavity - never been told that before!


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## KLconfused

Crazy,  good luck today. This thread has been lucky lots of times before so I hope it is for you too. 

Hi sasha,  I'm on day 9 stimms at the moment.  I swing from positive to anxious all the time. I really feel like argc are doing everything they possibly can to help me. No stone unturned. They told me I'd need ivig or intra lipids as my nkc has gone up. I freaked at the thought of ivig and they then said I would do intra lipids so I had my 2nd of them yesterday. But I'm worried I should have had ivig! There's no pleasing some people. I'm the kind of person who didn't even take paracetamol as I hated pills and now I'm pumping my body with so much. But the nkc stuff they are treating here is stuff my other clinic didn't test.  All the normal stuffs going ok I think. They only measure the largest follicles on each ovary at argc so I don't know how many I have but I started with 11-13 . Trying to read between lines I might only have 5. I'm worried as we had 12 eggs last time and our fertilisation rate was only 20% as we have bad sperm. I'm worried 5 won't be enough. Also the costs are phenominal. At this rate this will be our only try.  I'm so angry with my husbands sperm and my useless body for being here.
I'm so broody aswell. , looking at babygrows. I see pregnant woman at argc and I'm so jealous. I'm coping alot better with the drugs though than the last clinic as I'm on different drugs and a lower dose. 

I'm thinking egg collection Monday maybe. When do you think yours will be? 

High to everyone else.


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## Crazy_frog

Thank you all for thinking of me. 
Kl, glad to hear things are going ok and drugs are being kind to you. It sounds intensive and must be hard emotionally. Hope you're taking care of yourself, as much as possible. 
Sasha, sounds like you've a great crop coming along. We had slow growth, but they came up. Keep going with the protein, hot water bottles and drinking. 
Caro, I'm so sorry this round wasn't the one. But new cycle, new luck. I think the previous clomid can continue to improve things on further cycles though, thinking of you and wishing you all the best. Enjoy your holiday, it sounds a wonderful idea.
Trin, just thank you. I hope you're ok and making plans for whatever feels right for you.
Carter, I can't imagine the delights of twin symptoms!! Hope you're doing well and gd is behaving. 
Dolphins, hi and hope you're still able to enjoy lovely weather this week. It's currently glorious for us. 
So, the news....I've tried to write this out a few times. It's a bfp! Had to be seen by clinic to rule out ohss, as have had awful belly and other delights. They were happy that fluid was too obvious but left ovary is high. Scan booked for 7 weeks. 
I really appreciate the support you've all been and how lovely this group is.


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## Sasha1973

Wow that's feb news crazyfrog I'm so happy for you! Fingers crossed for a happy and healthy 9 months for you


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## Carter4

Fab news crazy, I admittedly thought the worst when we didn't hear from you yesterday, but so glad it was a    .

Good luck for round 2 caro  . Enjoy your hols.

Ooooh I forgot about the milk Sasha. Fx you get some quality embies. How did your scan go yesterday? Was your Menopur increased or were they happy to leave you as you are? It's mind boggling what you find out about your nether regions during this process  .

KL - For some reason I had no idea you was this far into your tx cycle, I think I got a bit lost, oops and sorry! Really hope ARGC come good for you, and good luck if your EC is Monday.

AFM - Ticking along, but now have anaemia in the mix, so started on the spatone, as apparently the ferrous sulphate can play havoc with your bowels, and mine have already lurched from one extreme to the other!


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## Crazy_frog

Thank you sasha and Carter, I just was not sure what to say. This branch of the clinic say to test at 14 d from ec, previously they used to say from et. So we were worried. I've tested again today, and maybe yesterday afternoon!, and all looking ok so far. Cautiously optimistic but now on the next wait. 
Thank you again, you're all in my thoughts.


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## Trin Trin

Congratulations Crazy!!! Fabulous news!!

My clinic always do OTD 14 days after egg collection.

So pleased for you xx

Ps Can I ask how old you are? I'm always curious on our ages as most of us on here are late 30s early 40s


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## Crazy_frog

Thank you Trin, that's really kind. 
I am in early thirties, we are a female/female couple, I've pco. I'm sorry if any of that means I don't fit, I really do appreciate all your support over this cycle.


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## Trin Trin

Don't be silly!! Everyone fits, doesn't matter at all about being a same sex couple! The forum is to support everyone as we're all in the same situation..:.wanting a baby or another baby. 

I'm just curious about age and when older ladies concierge it just gives me more encouragement as once you're older you get thrown with all the info that you're chances decline etc.

Chuffed to bits for you...hoping you have a smooth, healthy pregnancy xx


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## Crazy_frog

That's ok then, wasn't sure if age or anything else meant I should have been somewhere else. 
I can understand finding inspiration, that's why I lurked on this site years ago and then now.


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## caro8500

Yayyyy - congrats Crazy. Fab news. Hope you feeling better physically soon too. I got mild OHSS with my first cycle (after egg transfer)and apparently it was a good sign I might be pregnant, and I was.

Wishing KL and sasha all the best with your cycles as looks like I'll be missing a lot of the action with my hols.

HI to everyone else

Can't wait for a break...off to finish my packing as an early start!

x


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## Carter4

Crazy let us know when your scan is won't you? x

Bon voyage caro x


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## Crazy_frog

Trin, sorry for being way over sensitive!! Just had horrid moment of worrying I was in a group that I shouldn't be...... Shall we blame the sun??
Caro have an amazing time, enjoy the time away from "normal" life. 
Carter scan is 1/5, seems ages away!!


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## Trin Trin

Lol I blame your hormones!! No problem at all its a Trying Again thread anything else is irrelevant. It's pure coincidence that lots of us are a similar age.

The 7 week scan always seems ages away....hoping it flies by for you.

Caro - have a great holiday I find a break always makes me feel better.

Kl - as Carter mentioned this cycle seems to have happened really quick. Happy to hear you're not finding the travelling too much and that you can tell the differences with ARGCs approach and  which all seem really positive. Good luck with egg collection next week, let us know how it all goes. The cost must be on your mind but fingers crossed this is all you need🙏

Carter - glad you're ticking along. Oh dear with the aneamia.....I don't know much about it but I hope it's not affecting you and the babies..

Sasha - You have a good number of follies and mine always seemed to have a growth spurt nearer the end. Positive thoughts sending your way, when will your EC be....must be soon?

Afm - I can't lie I'm still quite delicate with what's happened and keep asking myself why? Seems like there's loads of bumps and babies around not that it upsets me but just a reminder of what I've lost and what I woukd like so badly. Also ask myself why I left it so long to try for another, but truth is I loved being with my daughter so much I didn't want to share my love. How silly!! Been trying since 2011 and still nothing to show apart from losses:-( 

Anyway my appointment with clinic is Monday (review) haven't heard from nhs re referral to recurrent miscarriage clinic, I'm so inpatient and know I will end up paying for tests as time clearly isn't on my side now at 40. Just want answers and hope I can get them!!

Well it's a sunny day today so enjoy lovely ladies xx


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## KLconfused

Trin - Good luck Monday with your follow up. I hope they can give you some answers. The NHS is soooo slow I can see you getting tests privately. Are you thinking immune tests or others?
I hope you don't mind me asking but have you had any tests on the miscarriages? Maybe they would find something useful.

Ill tell you in a few weeks if the ARGC are any good! But I would say theyre immune and other testing has been very very thorough and easy although expensive. If you could get to a clinic that does immunes it would be worth just doing a mock cycle with them and see what they find. 

AFM this cycle does seem to have gone quickly although I rung the ARGC in November and its taken this long to start. But I went in Wednesday 12 days ago and had the session where they did the day 3 scan and bloods and told me that afternoon I could start then so it was quick when it got going. It did take a month of immunes tests, results, treatment and more tests but for some reason it feels like its moved on. My AF came 4 days early too and that flummoxed us. Anyway im very very stressed today as its EC tomorrow. I still don't know how many eggs I have. Doc reckoned maybe 10 follicles last scan but 6 are on my left ovary so I think they will be empty. I just don't know. My estrogen is low too and im not sure what that means. When you get sent for a scan you get 5 mins with your file whilst you wait and we all have a look through! They are also watching my NKC as they went up. Im expecting IVIG after EC and I suppose its sensible to wait until after then as we shall know if there is even an embryo to transfer. My husbands sperm has got slightly better with what they told him to do/take but still bad. 

Anyway im  a nervous wreck. I don't really want this treatment cycle to end as I prefer the hope than the grief. The daily visits to London have been Ok from Basingstoke although hanging around in London for 6 hours a day for another call got tiring. Im sad I haven't seen much of DD but my parents are looking after her well and shes happy. Its a struggle to be sociable with them here when I really just want to hide away but its a lot better than the last IVF and I couldn't do it without them. 

Trin - if you wanted to use a London clinic for a mock cycle you would be welcome to stay with me. Like I said easy enough to get to driving wise as long as you don't mind setting off at 5.30am!

High to everyone else.


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## Sasha1973

Crazy frog - ow are you getting on being pregnant, are you enjoying it? On my 2nd cycle when I got pregnant with DS I tested every day after my initial BFP (sometimes twice a day!) just to see those two lines again right up until scan date and I'm sure I did a few others past that too 😄 fingers crossed your scan date comes round quickly for you 

Carter sorry to hear you have anaemia now too, fingers crossed the spatone helps with that. I've taken those before and I don't remember any bowel side effects, hopefully you'll escape those too.

Caro I hope you're having a lovely holiday, I'm so envious I could do with a break away really.

Trin I know how you feel, every one seems to be having babies at the moment, I'm so envious of their pregnant bellies too, the waiting room at the clinic was full of them Friday and also newborns, hopefully we'll both get there agin soon. I hope your review goes ok on Monday. 

Klconfused wow this cycle does seem to be going quickly for you! Considering we started stimming the same day you're well ahead of me! I've been having to drive into London from the other side of Oxford every other day and working the days in between. My partner has been away for the week too so I've been flying solo and looking after DS through it all too. He came back last night so hopefully things will be a bit easier this week. Good luck for you EC tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you and looking forward to hearing your news.

AFM where do I start! So after the scan on Wednesday they decided to increase my menopur dose from 300 to 375 - I think they did this as they were hoping to get me to EC for Monday, however yesterday's scan showed I had 3 lead follicles but a clump of about a dozen around 11-14mm so they want those to catch up. After so much time spent faffing around they then decided to decrease my menopur to 225 and back in Monday for a scan with EC scheduled in for this coming Wednesday now. By Monday when I'm finally (hopefully) ready for EC I'll have been stimming for 13 days. I'm feeling a bit despondent as I've never had my drugs dose changed before let alone twice in one cycle so not entirely sure what to make of this, I guess the results will only tell. So assuming EC is Wednesday ET will be Friday as the clinic don't open at weekend for treatment and I've never made it to blast before so we'll be having a 2 day transfer, I'm happy with that as DS was a 2 day transfer too. I keep thinking this time next week I'll (hopefully!) be PUPO! I just want this week to fly by to get me to Wednesday, strangely looking forward to a bit of sedation!  

Have a fab weekend everyone xxx


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## Trin Trin

Kl - all sounds so thorough at ARGC this must be reassuring that everything possible is being considered and thought through. Bless you for the offer, lovely of you, but I actually live in London, what concerns me with your clinic is how I'd juggle my work as I'm full time😕 if my clinic doesn't offer me immune and whatever else required then I will have to change although I have no bad word to say about them, they've been great. Had a bfp each time.....just no baby to show for it😥

My miscarriage in 2011 showed no abnormalities Ihaven't heard anything yet this time round but may chase them as it's approaching 3 weeks.

Sasha - my last cycle they increased my meds and EC was changed due to slow going follicles which needed catching up, so don't worry. I must say I have a thing about clinics that don't open 7 days a week!!!😡 our bodies don't work Monday to Friday's!! Good job a 2dt is what you actually prefer. My last cycle was a 2 day too which resulted in success. I know Carter too has plus you've had success before. 

Well the sun is shining again ladies so have a lovely weekend xx


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## Crazy_frog

Trin, I hope review goes ok for you and nhs pull their finger out!! Hopefully it'll all come together for you and you can make a plan with confidence. 
Kl, good luck for ec and hope you get a day off injections- not sure if you have other meds to take.
Sasha- we had drug dosage changes, slow growth and I hope it's good luck for you. Hope  scan goes well Monday. 
Yup doing all the tests in the world, means I can't compare lines!!


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## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

I am suffering with bleeding and physical pain in my abdomen at the mo. and I am not even on my period.  I have been to the Dr's, and he said that he think's that I am still just recovering physically from my last fresh treatment cycle, about 6 wks. ago now, and if in 2 or 3 wks. it still hasn't cleared up then I will need scan, and tests.   I am sincerely hoping that this won't be the case.  He did say to take painkillers, mainly Parecetamol, but I am, and these are not doing anything for my pain! ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH! Another cribe at treatment, I "hate" with a passion all the IVF/ICSI stuff, why can't we just be 'normal' women ladies! Anyway! Enough of me ranting, has anyone else had bleeding and bad abdo. pain as a result of tx, 6 wks. after they had treatment from a fresh cycle?  I would be interested to know.

We went to Lightwater Valley on Thursday, for my belated 40th Birthday treat, and it was such a good day, and the sun came out for us too.  I surprised myself too! I didn't know that I would have the nerve to go on the 'Ultimate' ride, and the underground rollercoaster at my age, as they do say 'you get more scared' when you get older, and I so 'loved' these rides when I was younger, but I did! I had the nerve to go on them, and got some pictures to prove it!

Anyway! Hope you are all keeping well.

Speak to you soon!


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## Sasha1973

Klconfused - been thinking about you, how did your EC go yesterday? I hope it all went smoothly and you got a good crop x


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## KLconfused

Dolphins - I had a lot of pain for 6 months after my last IVF and it was down to cysts. Apparently they are a common side effect of IVF. No one at the clinic told me that but my crohns consultant said that is the case. I didn't have bleeding though but they were very painful and they were found when I was pregnant last year from IUI during the 7 week scan and then again when they confirmed the miscarriage. They have gone now but it took a long time. 

Trin - How did today go? Not sure why but I thought you were in Hertfordshire - who knows why I thought that!!!! What clinic have you been with so far?

Sasha - Which clinic are you with as your London too I think? 

AFM EC yesterday. It wasn't pleasant. When I got to theatre I told the doc id woken up during my first EC and didn't want that to happen again and he said ' well it might and its quite normal'. I had to beg for some reassurance but didn't really get any. I woke at the end of the operation. The lady that came out of theatre 25 mins before me was still asleep and I was wide awake. Anyway we had 11 eggs which is great and they called this morning and 9 were mature and 7 have fertilised. Last 2 cycles weve had 10 eggs and 4 fertilised and that resulted in DD and then of 12 eggs we only had 3 fertilise last time all BFN. So 7 is good for us. We have to wait for the call tomorrow now and see how they are doing. Ive had 3 day transfers last 4 times so Im expecting that. Never had a whiff of going to blast before. So I think Wednesday for ET but I don't know. Im so nervous and feel strangely protective over my little embryos in a dish. Please please please let there be a healthy baby in there. 

I was expecting more on the immunes treatment front too but nothing more now unless I get a BFP. I am on anadin and clexane and steroids. and ive had 2 infusions of intralipids so fingers crossed that's all I need. 

I worked out I only had 10 days of meds so that is short for me I think. Saved a bit of money though taking the drugs back which is good as it will be costing more than they quoted I think. Ive taken fostimon and merional which ive never had before. 

Ive already been wandering if I can go back to work sooner to raise money for a 3rd go if this one and next don't work. It is very additive. 

Sacha - good luck for your tests today and EC Wednesday. I really hope it goes well. Fingers crossed. This thread has been lucky in the past and I hope it is for the rest of us soon. xx


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## Trin Trin

Just a quickie from me.

Kl - that's fab news with 7 fertilising!!!!! Great stats, this cycle they collected 11 but only 3 fertilised so I'm thrilled for you!! Sorry to hear about your experiences with EC and being awake:-( my gosh the drugs really knock me out as I always awake back in the recovery room. I can't imagine not being fully knocked out!!

Anyway great news all sounds very positive🙏

Sasha - good luck with yours too this week.

Afm - I have my follow up this afternoon, not expecting any real answers but hoping for a plan of action!


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## Crazy_frog

Kl, that's amazing and good fertilisation. Fingers crossed for your embies. Do you wait for call on weds for next update or is it daily?
Dolphins, sorry to hear you're still having bleeding, I can't offer any help but thinking of you. 
Trin, hope this afternoon went ok. Thinking of you. 
Sasha, hope follies are behaving and drug free day coming up soon for you.


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## Sasha1973

Klconfused that's a brilliant fertilisation rate! You must be pleased, another step closer. Have you heard how they're doing today and when you'll be in for ET? My clinic are usually the Chiltern at Great Missenden with the EC and ET at the Chelsea and Westminster as my consultant practices out of both, however because the Chiltern were closed over Easter I've had to have the whole cycle done at the C&W which makes it more difficult travelwise as I live in Witney which is west of Oxford. I did make an appointment at the ARGC but decided they were a bit full on for me so went back to my old clinic for this cycle. 

Crazyfrog how are you feeling? I bet you're excited about your forthcoming scan, is time dragging? 

Trin how did your follow up go yesterday? Did you get a plan on moving forward? 

Afm scan went ok yesterday, I have about a dozen follies between 14 and 23 mm and triggered at midnight last night so in for EC tomorrow at 11.30am, I'm looking forward to a bit of sedation! Drug free day for me today.


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## KLconfused

Hello everyone

Trin- how was your follow up? 

Dolphins- are you feeling any better? 

Sasha - how was egg collection? 

Afm.  Day 3 today and still got 5 embryos doing well so I've had one in today and another 2 Friday or Saturday if they survive.  I've never been to blast before and doc said because I've had a live birth from a 3 dt they would do that.  It was top quality embryo but last 2 times they were too and 6 didn't work so I'm not reading much into it. Feels surreal I have one inside now. Hubbies told me I can't go dog training tomorrow which I love and I'm already very tense. I've done about 10 2ww in last year or so and they get tenser each time. My parents have been great staying with us to have dd when dh at work but it feels a lot of pressure on me so I've done the et on my own so parents could go home and hubbies have daughter. I'm not being ungrateful and I know I'm lucky but since grandparents have been here dd isn't eating or sleeping or behaving very well! 

No phone call tomorrow so back Friday for bloods 7.30 then wait there to be told when et is.

It's my dd 2nd birthday party Saturday and I'm really hoping it doesn't clash with et!


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## Sasha1973

Evening everyone

Just a quickie from me as shattered after a long day. EC went well, was a little painful but nothing I couldn't cope with. I got 14 eggs so really pleased with that as its a fair few more than I expected. Hoping they now get jiggy with DP's sperm tonight in the lab! Crossing fingers for tomorrow mornings call with the fertilisation results. 

Will catch up more and do personals tomorrow when I'm a bit more awake x


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## Trin Trin

Great news Kl and Sasha!!

Sasha fingers crossed with the call tomorrow x


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## Crazy_frog

Glad all going well kl, hopefully all will go well and you'll have split transfer leading to a bfp. Congrats on being pupo!! Hope your little one calms down soon, think it's grandparents effect!!
Sasha, wondeful crop of eggs, fingers crossed for the phone call this morning. Thinking of you, it's always awful. 
Trin, hope your doing ok and getting tests sorted.
Carter, how you doing on your meds?
Carl, hope you're having wonderful weather on yor holidays.


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## Sasha1973

So just had the call, of the 14 collected, 9 were mature and all 9 fertilised, 3 aren't looking so great so the upshot is we have 6 embryos currently. Booked in for day 3 transfer on Saturday unless 4 are still going in which case they'll go to blast but in past performance that's unlikely. Now the next wait continues!


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## Trin Trin

Great news Sasha!!! This week has been great with fertilisation rates!!

So had my review..... was okay but I'm still not too clear what I intend to do. There's all the contraversy with immunes etc. some medics do not believe there is evidence to support that the immune system can affect and contribute towards miscarriage and conception and some do. My clinic are in the middle and have treated some patients for immunes but do so without testing but doing a cycle with immune meds.....does that make sense? So some of the meds prescribed in an immune cycle are asprin, steroids, clexane and intralipid (Ivig) which they are prepared to do to cover all bases. I trust my clinic but whoever their governed by does not really support the immunes explanation. Not sure what to do. But believe it or not I'm ready to start again.

The immune tests are very expensive and the nhs ones are not detailed enough and they will not test immunes. I'm still waiting for the outcome of the chromosomal tests done on the foetus. Not sure I want to spend thousand of pounds then precsribed what my clinic are prepared to do.

I read in OK magazine a soap star in mid 30's had 3 miscarriages did the immune tests at zita west there was an issue with blood clotting and nk cells had the intralipid and carried baby to term...mindful of cutting corners too but also mindful of my finances. New house we've moved into last year requires extensive work....I just don't know. My managers baby is due a week before mine would have been, I'm pleased for him and he is mindful of my feelings but it still really hurts😢 I'm rambling now sorry....

What do you think?


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## Trin Trin

Sorry me again having the immune meds is referred to as empirically!!


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## Trin Trin

......without testing!


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## KLconfused

Trin - I know a lot of clinics are sceptical of the immunes stuff. In my case it makes sense as I have an immune disease (crohns) and was conincidentally on very strong medication (infliximab which is similar to Humira) when I got pregnant with DD. I don't know if that's how I managed to get pregnant. I couldn't take that drug after 24 weeks pregnant and then got preeclampsia which ARGC say can be immunes related. Im on immune suppressants now but they are much weaker. Im very well in myself and in full crohns remission so there's nothing in my standard immune tests I have every 3 months for crohns (inflammation levels, liver, kidneys etc). Obviously I got pregnant last year and lasted until 11 weeks. My crohns consultant said she thought there was something else wrong not a genetic problem with the foetus as that tends to cause earlier miscarriages but she doesn't believe in NKC's.

Intralipids and IVIG are different drugs. IVIG is a lot stronger and more costly. This time is the first time im having clexane, anadin and steroids and ive had 2 infusions of intralipids. I cant have Humira as it conflicts with my crohns drugs. Im not sure about IVIG and if ill ever have to have that. 

I will say that all the women ive met going to ARGC rave about the immunes. There are soooo many stories of women with failed cycles elsewhere or miscarriages and then they have a go at ARGC and get twins with the immune treatment. I really hope im one of them! So I guess im going with their great success rates. 

Ill know more in 2 weeks whether I think its worth it. If you like your clinic and they will give you the immune drugs and monitor them then theres no harm except the cost. Im up to about £13k now with my ARGC treatment and I think £2700 is immunes stuff. I have the added complication of an immune disease though but then a lot of people, including my crohns consultant, don't believe in NKC and say that mine should be low because of my crohns drugs anyway (although they were high when tested by ARGC). Who knows!

Its good your feeling ready to try again. Im already braced for going again and actually have almost enjoyed this cycle at the ARGC. I have been very morose and angry and down today. Its surreal I am in a 2ww but I only have 1 embryo and im nervous about the call tomorrow to see if I have any blasts to put back. I have felt better through the treatment really and now feel agitated in the 2ww. the hope of a BFP is always so much better than the actualisation of a BFN  

Its my daughters birthday party Saturday and my NCT mums will be there. One has a 2 month old daughter and 2 are very heavily pregnant. Its the first time ive seen them since before xmas and im dreading it. I just hope I can hold it together.


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## Trin Trin

Thanks kl for the useful info.

Clinic said the steroids aren't too expensive it's the intralipid infusion which is £400 a time. I think the Consultant said you would do one during cycle plus another if pregnant and would have until 16-20 weeks something like that.

I've heard the clexane injections are quite painful, how do you find it!?

Good luck with the call tomorrow, what date will be OTD?


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## Crazy_frog

Sasha, congrats on 6 good looking embies and the other 3 May yet surprise you!! Hope all goes well for transfer. 
Trin, I think you have to feel confident with what you're trying- if you find the immune drugs give you extra belief and faith then it is worth it. I think the evidence is mixed, but in theory intralipid seems to have low risk associated. It's great you're ready, that's half the battle sometimes. 
Kl, good luck for the call today. The whole journey does odd things to moods and we can all be so very hard on ourselves. I'm a huge believer in visualisation and positivity, but acknowledge  there are days when that's harder! (Some days I'm positively toady!). Hope your daughter's party goes well, it's hard when your meeting up with nct group- the qu about te next etc. Hoping you keep your strength and calm, enjoy her day and have your blasts on board too!!


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## Crazy_frog

Oops and just in case you think I'm some hideously happy hippy....I'm currently testing this positive visualisation following an obsession with peeing on sticks. 
So despite increasing darkness, same test, over last week, 2 days ago it wasn't as good. Combined with increase frequency, it wasn't dark in eve- as normal. I tried diluting with half water, same strength. I don't know what to think. I still feel sick, sore, large,boobs and stretching type pains. I'm now banned from testing, can't bring myself to risk a digital.


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## Trin Trin

Crazy Frog - I agree stay away from the tests!! The digitals with me have always been accurate providing me with good and bad news.....but they were correct. Last year it indicated I was going to miscarry as went from 2-3 down to 1-2....this year from 1-2 then 2-3 which confirmed I was still pregnant. Stay away if you can.....although I know it's tempting.

Sasha - thinking of u and hope you received good news with the embies!!

Kl - hope you get a good news phone call today!

Carter - how you doing my love?

AFM I think I will try a cycle with the additional meds. I do want to read up some more on the meds I'll be taking. Dr says he believes and stats show to start sooner rather than later as long as you're ready emotionally, physically and of course financially. Obviously the results of the karotyping will affect my decision. If there's no abnormalities then I can feel a bit reassured my eggs aren't the problem. Perhaps a Jun/Jul cycle. I'll start taking supplements again too.


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## Crazy_frog

Thanks Trin, for your honesty and reply. I have only done one digital. I like lines!! Even the cb, said 1-2 when we first tested, I took apart to inspect the lines!! What will be will be, but it's hard. 
Hopefully you'll get the results soon and can move forward with confidence. It'll soon be june, not long to wait.


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## KLconfused

Hi all
Sorry no personals just a quickie.  Very stressful day. Had another 2 embryos back but they are morula not blast. Embryologist said they are doing well just a bit slow. She said chances of pregnancy were good. The consultant said the embryos were ok and didn't seem as optimistic. I've Google it and all I can find are bfn from morula or miscarriage.  The other 2 are still in the dish and they will let me know tomorrow but it's unlikely they will be freezable.  I know I have the 3dt one but this whole 5 day blast/morula has got me very down. I don't know whether to have any hope or not.

I'm also extremely bloated and tired and not getting on with the cyclones bum bullets. My progesterone is fine so I don't need the bum injections yet but I think I'd rather them that the pessaries!  Back Sunday for more bloods. Dd birthday party tomorrow surrounded by pregnant women 😢. Test date Monday 27th. I felt so much happier last week during treatment.


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## Crazy_frog

Kl, sorry you're bit down. But you now are most definitely pupo!! All those little ones finding their comfy spot. I know the Internet has given us so much access to stories, but there are thousands of IVF ladies who never come online, post or comment. The wait is hard, we've no control over anything (not that we did with follies, but feels we do). This stage is often least intensive of all, which is an adjustment too. (Not sure if that's completely accurate for you, but I guess less anyway.) Be kind to yourself, try to dream of the future, we would never start this process if we didn't believe it possible. 
Oh and best of British for the party!!


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## -Susan-

Sorry, gate crashing for a mo to just say, there was a lady on the PGD thread who had a daughter from a double morula transfer, and when I looked up morula successes, there were actually quite a few (including multiple pregnancies!). My day 5 morula became a perfect blast later that day that the embryologist is optimistic for. Apparently slow ones are more likely to be girls! Good luck with your outcome, you do have a good chance, especially with three on board!! X


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## Sasha1973

Sorry ladies not feeling too good these past couple of days but just wanted to jump on with a quick update - As of today I'm PUPO with 3 day 3 embryos, all at 8 cells but quality not quite as good (as expected) they're graded as 3 (1 being excellent 4 being poor) but I'm feeling positive as DS was the result of a poor quality embryo proving anything can happen. Will try and get on tomorrow for a proper catch up when I'm hopefully feeling better.


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## Crazy_frog

Congratulations sasha on being pupo. I hope the wait to test is kind on you. 
Kl, hope the party went well and you are doing ok. 
At the moment I'm not positive. Had some brown spotting. Did test and it's positive, but going to do a digi shortly for weeks. Alternating between hope and not. Just wish we could know what's happening.


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## Trin Trin

Just a quick post.

Kl and Sasha - hope the 2ww is driving you crazy!!

Crazy - hope the spotting has stopped, try not to worry as it's quite common (easier said than done I know) If youte going to use the digital I hope it indicates all is well. The only real reassurance you're going to get is the scan. That must be approaching soon?

Take care x


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## Trin Trin

Sorry kl and Sasha oops!! 2ww hope it's NOT driving you crazy!!


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## KLconfused

Hi all

trin - the 2ww is driving me completely nuts! I am very stressed and cant think of anything other than whats happening! I spoke to the embryologist Saturday and our last 2 embies didn't make it so just the 3 on board. I told her id been googling 5 day morulas and she told me to stop it! Apparently one was grade 4 (top grade I think or maybe 5 is ) and the other was grade 2-3 and the day 3 embie was a grade 4. But weve always had top grade day 3 embies before and 6 didn't work so not sure if it really tells us much. Ive had a few AF pains. When I was pregnant with DD and last years pregnancy I just knew and so far I don't feel anything. Im 4dp5dt. Cant decide whether to test before Mondays blood test or not. guess ill wait and see if/when AF arrives. 
I keep seeing lots of single magpies - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Sasha - hope your coping better 

My DD 2nd bday party was great and yesterday for the actual birthday too. It was such a special few days. The 2 heavily pregnant women only annoyed me a little. One of them says she isn't looking forward to being off work on maternity leave as she doesn't know what she will do with her daughter all day when shes at home 2 days a week and all of them said they found it easier being at work than at home with a LO. Deep  breathe count to 10. Why is it the people that shovel out loads of kids often don't actually seem to enjoy it ??

Trin - whats your next step - you said cycling again june/july I think? Any news from NHS?

My and hubbie are already arguing about the next go. We have agreed we will use donor sperm as a lot of things we have read say embryo slow development after 3 days is quite often seen with bad sperm. It was what we already agreed before this try so were both Ok with that. I want to just keep trying but at £14k so far that's not an option. So im looking at loans etc to have more goes and hubbie isn't! We have one more go in us but then no more and that terrifies me. Hopefully we wont need it. Not sure what ARGC would do next time if this doesn't work and it may just be an numbers game of lots of goes.


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## Crazy_frog

Kl sorry you're finding wait awful. Not long now, chin up. So much to think about and consider. Try not to give up on this cycle just yet. Glad daughter's party went well and she had a nice time. 
Sasha hope you're doing ok. 
Trin, hope you get news soon. 
Thank you for best wishes, but sadly it was not to be this time. Clinic did hcg, non viable. Bleeding started almost immediately. Have an enforced break now due to holiday in june and work commitments so will take time out, then back into high protein in preparation for August tkme hopefully. Sadness, but better to have an idea, not going to scan full of hope.


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## Sasha1973

Crazyfrog i'm so sorry to hear that, that must be devastating for you and your partner   take some time out. It's really great you have a plan on moving forward and something to look towards, I hope August comes round quickly for you.

KL how are you coping now on the 2ww? It must be your test date soon if not tomorrow?! Keeping everything crossed for you that you get a positive result.

Trin it's good that you've got a plan to start cycling again soon. Have you had any of your test results through yet? June/July isn't far away at all I'm sure that'll come round quickly.

AFM I've been going slightly mad the last few days especially with this site being down - just at the wrong time (would there be a good time!). I'm currently 6dp3dt. I have no symptoms whatsoever and not even any bloating from the pessaries this time so feeling pretty negative that it probably hasn't worked. I still have another 8 days until OTD and have decided not to test early this time at all as I was regretful of testing early last cycle and seeing that negative before I needed to. Have any of you ladies ever got a BFP without having any symptoms, twinges etc at all? I just need a bit of PMA I think.


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## Trin Trin

Crazy - so sorry to hear your news. I for one know how sad this is even at an early stage before scans. I lost early this time last year. Just sad to go through this process then to get the bfp then for it to be taken away:-( glad you have a plan to start again. 

Sasha - poor you being in the 2ww needing support and the damn site is down for two days!! Your OTD is much later than my clinic. Still pretty early for symptoms in my experience. Try not to symptom spot too much, many have none at all and still get a bfp!! I just had hot sweats, bloating, frequent going to the toilet but not even sure if that was due to the pessaries and how much water I was drinking. 

Keep positive!!

Kl - how's it going? Try to focus on this cycle for now, although like me you like to plan ahead. Fingers and everything crossed that you don't need to think about the next cycle and beyond. Hoping ARGCs magic will do the trick with a much wanted positive result 🙏


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## Crazy_frog

Sasha, no symptoms isnt a bad thing at all. Please don't worry. Each day as it comes and you've plenty of time to get them all yet anyway!! 
Good luck to you and kl for testing, we are all thinking of you. 

Thank you sasha and Trin, it is cruel. We do feel not having that bfp would have been better, but we're focusing on the fact that it did happen. Hopefully the bleeding will reduce over coming days, for us this is something so new. The clinic haven't been a great deal of help with what to expect, so it's been hard tryig to find out what happens and obviously worrying about what ifs. We are taking time to grieve, although I know some people don't see it as a baby yet, we are doing what works for us. We will book in for review soon, but not just yet. Need to make sure drugs are changed for egg collection!!


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## KLconfused

Crazy so sorry to hear your news. This whole journey is unbelievably cruel.  

Sasha - im the same as you in that im 8dp5dt and I feel nothing. Both times ive been pregnant before ive just known before the test date. This time nothing so I think ive given up already which is why im already planning the next attempt and even working through how I can get the money together to try a 3rd attempt at ARGC. My husbands not against it as I have coped a lot better with the IVF at ARGC than I did with it at the other clinic. But we don't want to end up in a cardboard box and likely still without baby #2. 

Im really struggling with the gestone injections into my bum. Im doing them myself and every night I think I cant do this I cant do this and it makes me feel faint and I have to lie down afterwards. I have some nerve damage on the left side due to a burst disc in my back and last night I think I aggrevated it. May have to just inject in the right every time now. I only have 2 more to do before the pregnancy test. If that's positive ill have to relent and get hubbie to do them. I keep telling myself ill miss doing the injections Monday if I don't need them anymore. 

Ive decided not to test early. I bought tests but I cant face it. So Monday morning will be so tense waiting for the call. I may have AF by then I suppose so I will know anyway. Im already gutted as id have loved twins and I think id have symptoms with them. Really dreading results but I want it over with as I don't feel there's any hope really. I had to go into the clinic again Thursday morning but it was quick so my parents went home Tuesday when I got back from the clinic and ive had a 'normal' week. Id really forgotten what that is. I cant remember what me and DD used to do it seems so long ago. Im sure it will all come back to me next week. 

Hi to everyone else.


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## Trin Trin

Crazy it's just the worse feeling ever. I totally agree to prefer it not working than to work then be taken away. But at the same time it did and can work for you......if that makes sense. You start asking yourself why? What went wrong? Sorry the clinic have not been very supportive etc. You do have to grieve because it's a loss no matter how early on you were. How far along were you? I had an early loss at 6+4 and I bled like a normal period, no pain or heaviness, lasted a bit longer almost a week. Hope this helps a bit.

Kl - I commend you for not testing before the blood test, not sure if I could cope with waiting. I've never had to wait for a blood test first. 8dp5dt would mean OTD tomorrow at my clinic. No symptoms doesn't mean nothing is happening or developing. I'm praying so hard for you as you've been on this journey and on this thread since January 2014 and it has to be your turn now for a chance🙏 we've almost had our dream but our angels did not stay with us:-( I'm glad you have a plan and funds for another try IF needed, and you and dh are on the same page both wanting as that's half the battle sometimes.
Well I hope the weekend flies by and Monday shows the results we're all hoping for!!!


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## Crazy_frog

Kl, I hope this weekend is kind to you, enjoy normality and face Monday afresh. May you not need your backup plan, everything crossed for you. 
Thanks for the support ladies, it means a lot when you've not shared details with friends/ family about treatment its hard to drop this on them. So many mixed emotions surrounding it, trying not to allow the negatives to eat away- guilt, greed and bitterness. But it's hard and sometimes that awful moment when you forget....
Worst bit that it started on my birthday. Had clots, tissuey type bits and heavier than period. Also had contraction type feelings for first few days. Would have been 5+5, so not sure if this is right really. Sorry for over share.


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## Trin Trin

Kl good luck for tomorrow 🙏 x


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## caro8500

I'm back and gosh what a lot I have missed!

Crazy...so sorry that it didn't work out for you this time around. Especially given your initial BFP....must be so hard to take. Never good to have an enforced break but a break might give you some time to get your head back in shape for your next try. I really think having a break has helped me mentally switch off just a little. 

KL...Happy birthday to your DD, glad the party went well. Wishing you all the luck for tomorrow. I really do have everything crossed for you. Come on you 3 little embbies!

Sasha...congrats on being PUPO. That 2 week wait never does get any easier but hope you are keeping busy and managing to distract yourself as much as you can. 

Trin....how are you doing hun?

Carter...hope you are keeping well x

afm. Had a fabulous holiday that included a stay at Playmobil land in Germany (DS LOVED it) and then best friends wedding which was also super great. DS got second choice of school but we are really happy with that especially as his best friend from nursery is going. Being away has given me some time to really think about trying for another and I feel more geared up for giving it another go again now, although will wait to see the outcome of the clomid first.


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## Sasha1973

Just a quickie

Klconfused good luck for today I have everything crossed for you


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## Crazy_frog

Carl, playmobil land sounds amazing. I'm glad a break has helped you feel better and good luck with clomid. 
Kl, I so hope you have good news and you have been celebrating.


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## KLconfused

Hi all

Caro- glad your back and it sounds like the break was just what you needed. There's lots of stories of holiday babies so maybe you will have one of those ☺

I think a break is essential. Ivf  is exhausting and you need time to switch off. After my last failed attempt March last year I just couldn't face it again for 6 months but I did try with my donor so didn't completely switch off.

Afm bfp bfp bfp    
Got a beta yesterday on test day of 88 which I'm told is good but I've never had blood tests for pregnancy before and am refusing to Google it. Trin,  I wasn't as brave as I was going to be. I bled all day saturday so did a tesco  test Saturday afternoon and it was negative. Got it out the bin an hour or so later and it was positive. Googled it and apparently tesco tests are rubbish and it's common. So did 2 more tests and got a positive on a digital. Bleeding stopped Saturday night. But I don't feel pregnant. Both previous times I have know before otd but even now I don't feel it. I only have 2 symptoms. I'm craving pickled onions and other strong flavours for about a week. I've been eating about 6 a day and want to eat more but they don't agree with me. Also I'm a vegetarian and have been for 30 years and have a bland diet but I'm craving ham and mustard. But this started before et  so no idea what that's about. 

Argc is just as intense. Came in for test yesterday and had to have More tests once results were in. Then  back in today for more bloods and potentially intralipids so got to hang around again. Logistics are hard but ill do anything to make this work. 

I'm very happy of course but so many of us have had miscarriages I'm really anxious.  I'm worried my immune will kill the baby. I'm so tense on knicker watch. I can cope with a stressful 8 months though. All the testing frightens me but I have to tell myself I'm in the best place for it to work now and with the miscarriage I had no drugs and no monitoring. All my anxieties have come rushing out about everything! Daughter had a bad night Sunday then one of my dogs was sick at 3am and woke me up last night bless her.  So I'm already shattered.


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## Sasha1973

Klconfused that's fab fab fab news I'm so happy for you, I bet you're so chuffed. I'm crossing everything g that you have a happy and healthy 9 months. I'm not due to test until Saturday, just a hpt as my clinic don't do betas as standard, I'm really craving ready salted crisps this past week, hoping that's a good sign now I know you're having cravings so it's not too early for them. I go from positive it's worked one minute to despair that it's negative the next. Did you have any twinges or implantation pains or old bleeding during your 2ww? I've had twinges over the weekend but really don't want to get my hopes up as I did on my last cycle and it was a massive shock then when it was negative xxx


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## Trin Trin

Kl - woohoooooo!!! That's the BEST news EVER!!! Soooooo pleased for you!!! I know the forthcoming weeks will be an anxious time for you but it's a bfp!!! You know I had the bleeding before all day on and off but like me you've had 3 embies transferred. As you say you're being monitored constantly, so try your best to take one day at a time. That's what I tried to do. I agree don't Google the betas. At 4.5 weeks they said mine were a bit low and to test again (which I didnt) and the baby was growing and developing fine during the early weeks.....so don't!!

Keep smiling as you have been through so much

Sasha - not long to go for you too!

Caro - welcome back!! Glad you've had a lovely break and gearing to go again. Let's hope this year is the year for us all. Getting the bfp is the beginning...what we all want is the take home baby safely in our arms.

Crazy - how you doing?

Carter - when are the girls due?? How are u?


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## KLconfused

Beta today was 105 which im told is fine but it doesn't sound much considering it was 88 yesterday and its supposed to triple in 3 days. I had to stay at the clinic and have intralipids today and im the only one of the ladies that were cycling together and got a BFP yesterday so im concerned. Im still not googling the HCG and I know at my other clinic I wouldn't even know these numbers! Im a bit stressed as you can imagine. Back to the clinic tomorrow for another blood test so I guess ill stay tense until the results of that, but hopefully not afterwards  

Sasha - I really hope its BFP for you too. 2 in a week would be great! I had old blood all day Saturday. Not loads but it looked like AF blood to me so I thought AF was on its way which is why I tested. I didn't have any bleeding after the hystoscopy or the EC so it may have been from that. Ive had a feeling of aching womb and occasional AF pains but nothing that felt like implantation ( I had tugging with DD and nothing last year). The pickled onion craving started about a week before as well so the same timing as you with the crisps. Sometimes I think I just psychologically want a symptom but ive never had cravings like that before. Apparently Google says salt cravings mean its a boy but I had them with my daughter too but much later in the pregnancy!

Im now refusing to look every time I go to the loo too. 

Fingers crossed for you. Not long now although I know it will seem like forever. Ive just told my mum that im pregnant but wasn't excited as I explained my beta hadn't gone up as much as I think it should have so it wasn't quite the singing and dancing news I had hoped to spread and we discussed my worry that were spending more money now and if we lose the baby in a few weeks we will have spent so much on 1 go we wont be able to afford another. To which she replied that I need a cut off when im going to stop and I need to think im lucky to have DD and be happy with that. Well thanks. gggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. 

Thanks very much for the congrats from everyone else. It means a lot. We have all been through so much together and we just want to see all of us get our baby in our arms and all move over to that success thread.


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## Penelope Pitstop

Hi,

Just popping on to say a huge congrats to you Kl on your bfp and wish you good luck for your blood test tomorrow. Xx


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## Anjelissa

Ditto PP 

KL, massive congratulations, that's wonderful news! 
Lots and lots of luck for tomorrow  

Anj x


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## caro8500

woo hoo - fab news KL. My clinic always done blood tests. Try not to over think the beta numbers and just take it a day at a time (easier said than done I know) Glad to hear you are staying away from google too x
If I had a pound for every time someone has told me to be happy I have DS... its really not helpful. Of course we are grateful and happy to have our much loved child but that does not stop our desire and longing for another (and nor should it). 

Too true Trin...surely this is the year. Feels like a long time since this thread began 

Sasha...only 4 more sleeps!...good luck


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## caro8500

Ahhh..Penelope great to hear from you...hope life is good x

you too Anjelissa 

x


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## Crazy_frog

Kl that's wonderful news. I'm so pleased for you, they will monitor you closely and do everything. Try to relax as much as you can. Love that yourr staying away from Google, it's good idea!
Sasha, good luck, not long now. Stay positive and everything crossed for you.


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## KLconfused

Morning ladies. I'm afraid I did something silly and Googled my hcg levels and they don't look good. I'm at argc again today so 3 days in a row which isn't normal after a bfp. I can't find any levels like mine that end well. I'm feeling very down in the dumps today. I guess with the monitoring ill know I'm going to have a miscarriage before it starts rather than waiting for bleeding. I'd really rather not have a bfp if it results in a miscarriage.  And if I do miscarry on all these drugs surely it can't be immune and must be crappy embryos. Aaaggghhh. Sorry ladies just very down today. Hopefully the call this afternoon from argc will cheer me up X


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## Sasha1973

Klconfused I didn't want to read and run, I'm not sure what I can say to make you feel better but sometimes having too much information isn't helpful, it's terrible what you're going through but please don't read too much into it at least until you have today's results. It could so easily be losing one rather than all of your little beans. Keeping everything crossed that today's results put your mind at rest. Sending massive hugs   I'll be thinking of you x


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## Crazy_frog

Kl, I agree with sasha, try to stay positive. I can understand your anxiety. But wait for your results first, they're monitoring you to ensure best care and they will provide that. Step away from Google....easier said then done I know. Don't forget, many people have healthy pregnancies, never know a beta or post about them. The Internet is not the complete answer. Speak to the clinic, they're the ones that know. 
Thinking of you x


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## Trin Trin

Kl - Why do we put ourselves through all of this!! I want to reiterate what Sasha said and sometimes we have access to too much information which isn't always good. Please do not read into the beta levels too much as the acceptable range is huge. Some argc patients do go in daily for bloods after bfp. The thread I ws part of before my loss has women treated there that went everyday. I'm also reading someone's diary who too went everyday and she's 13 weeks now!!

My last cycle my bloods started low but increased enough and scans showed everything was okay. I do not believe that my bloods starting low was a contributing factor to my 11 week loss. Scans showed baby growing and developing. I know from experience how stressful and how anxious all of this will make you feel, but try to focus on the here and now. Right now, you're pregnant. You had 3 embies transferred and I believe theres one, two or three trying to settle themselves into their new home.

Thinking of you today. Positive thoughts xx


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## Sasha1973

klcconfused how did you get on today? Been thinking about you and crossing everything that your results are good


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## KLconfused

Thanks all for your kind words. I know you all understand how difficult this all is. 

The clinic just called. What a long wait that was today. So level is 128 today. It should be 170. She said it will either slow down and then stop growing or be slow a few days then accelerate and there's no way to tell which way it will go. I suppose it's gone up 23 today compared to 17 yesterday  but not sure if that means much. They are changing my steroid tomorrow a swell.  So I guess it doesn't look great but it could go either way. I do feel when things start off difficult they just stay like that so I'm concerned this is just going to be dragged out for weeks. Maybe if it's not a lot better by the end if the week I'll stop the meds. Got to go back tomorrow for another blood test. Why does nothing ever be straight forward.


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## Sasha1973

I'm so sorry the news isn't better for you but like you said it has gone up more today than yesterday, i really hope it does start to accelerate for you, at least at the moment it's going in the right direction so I hope you can take some comfort in that. I have everything crossed for you for tomorrows result


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## Crazy_frog

Oh how difficult for you kl, It is going up though and a bigger rise than last 24 hours. It is hard waiting for phone calls and to find out what will be, my thoughts with you. Hopefully tomorrow will show more progress and you can be relieved. Try to stay positive though.


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## Trin Trin

Why can't a bfp just mean that without any complications and anxiety. Really gets me cross what we have to go through. We go through enough to get the bfp!! It's not over and as others have said it's increased and cargo either way. I'll be thinking of you and hope the results tomorrow can reassure you. Take care x


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## Penelope Pitstop

Kl, thinking if you today and really hoping that your levels have increased and you can get some peace of mind from the test results my lovely.

Hi Caro, thank you for asking how I am. I'm good thank you. I know you will have mentioned this in a previous post but when are you thinking of starting treatment. Hope Clomid is being kind to you?

On the subject of people telling you that you are lucky to have ds/dd, these comments really anger me. I had someone tell me that the other day and I wanted to shout back 'I don't need you to tell me'. Yes we are all extremely lucky but we know that and we treasure every day with our little ones but just because we can't conceive easily doesn't stop the longing for more. Kl, I have fallen out with most of my nct friends as they all take their little ones for granted. One even said that when lo is ill and needs her during the night she wishes she wasn't a mother because then she could get some sleep!!!

Xx


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## KLconfused

Hi all. Thanks again
Pen - my nct people are like that. Moaning about having to spend time with one child when they are about to have another. 

Results in today and hcg 150. I asked on the phone and she said it was too early to tell. This is not working. I know where it's going and I'm exhausted and just want it over. Last night me and hubbie were so upset.  I love the feeling of being pregnant. It's so special even with the stress.  And there's so much riding on this time if it worked ,  it would mean everything. I've spent so much money since the bfp and I know there's more hope now that  there would be in a bfn but this feels like torture. 2 miscarriages in 2 pregnancies when I've never had a single problem before is just shocking. I think of all those years trying not to get pregnant and it makes me so sad. I think the tears will come now as I've been too shocked and tired for it to sink in before. I can't do this much longer anyway with getting up at 4.30am for the clinic then getting home all day and having dd. I'm so tired 😢


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## Trin Trin

Kl - I'm so sorry the results haven't been able to reassure you. I was hoping and praying the results would be more conclusive. I experienced too the not knowing if things were going to be okay. One minute things were okay then there was the worry. I agree it's complete torture. I had my daughter with no problems. Each pregnancy since has not lasted. It's heartbreaking and I think of all the years where I wasn't trying. I didn't think I'd have any problems, guess I was naive.  

I know it's hard but try to focus on the positives. 1) You are pregnant and 2) The levels are increasing. I have read so many stories of levels starting off low and resulted in having a healthy baby. I also know how much you want this. I want it too!! Try and think positively, I want this so badly for you too🙏

What does nct stand for?

Pene - lovely to hear from you, so thoughtful of you to keep in touch to see how we're all doing. Really means a lot xx


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## caro8500

Awww KL really feel for you. The waiting and not knowing is exhausting enough, never mind with the early starts.  Its really not over till its over. Hang on in there and we'll all be praying for good news

Pen - Not hopeful re the clomid. Got AF today (excellently timed for when colleague came into work with their baby!) . Shockingly it really gets me every time .... I just can't help thinking that maybe this months the month and it never is. You'd have thought I'd have learnt by now. As for cycling again ideally late summer but started worrying about how I'm going to manage it with work. If I use a different clinic I'm going to have a lot further to travel and I've got the feeling work are going to be really unhelpful. As it is I have to give 6 weeks notice to take leave and I'm limited when I can take it. Im sure i'll have to take it as leave (not sick)  and i've got no spare leave for the rest of the year so I'm really not sure how its going to work out.

Trin - nct is national childbirth trust, they run a lot of groups for parents to be. How are you doing with everything?

xx


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## Trin Trin

Thanks for confirming Caro!! I had no clue what it meant....but now I know. Sorry to hear AF arrived:-( funny because although I know my DH has zero sperm I do wonder and hope 'perhaps' it could work!! and when AF arrives I feel disappointed. Shame your work are not supportive with your forthcoming cycle. 

I'm doing okay....today the hospital called with the results from the karyotyping (tests using tissue from foetus) to check for any chromosomal abnormalaties. Everything was fine and no abnormalities found....not sure how I feel. I guess I feel more comforted that the egg quality was okay, my clinic will be pleased, but then I still think why it happened and what was the cause...

Sasha - not long to go I hope you're coping with wait okay. 

Kl - I'll be thinking if u tomorrow 

Crazy - how you doing? Will you have a review appointment or will u just wait until you start in the summer?

Carter - hope all is well xx


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## Sasha1973

klconfused I'm sorry you feel in such a limbo period, it's heartbreaking for you. I really hope today's blood test brings you better news or at least something towards closure for you. It must be exhausting for you with all the trips to the clinic and looking after DD, I really feel for you  

Trin I can understand you not feeling sure how you feel about your results, on one hand it's good to know there's no chromosomal abnormalities but on the other it's then hard to explain why it happen. Hopefully it's a sign that if you try again there's more chance of success knowing your embryos are 'normal'. It's so hard not to have answers and explanations and for things to be put down as 'just one of those things'.

Caro it's still horrible every month we get AF, it's just another reminder for us isn't it. We have problems with DP sperm and I still hope every month it may happen even though the chances would be near on a miracle.

Crazyfrog how are you feeling? Been thinking about you  

Carter how are you and the twins doing? you can't have too long left now have you?

AFM am now 13dp3dt and OTD is tomorrow, I'm getting nervous now, I want to be optimistic but can't face seeing another bfn, I haven't tested at all this cycle so have no idea what the outcome will be, I feel totally different to all my positive and negative cycles in the past so it really could go either way! 1 more sleep


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## Penelope Pitstop

Kl, hope today's test goes well. I have everything crossed the levels will have increased (& considerably!)

Trin Trin, no need to thank me for sticking around,  I'm always lurking in the background checking on you all. You were all very supportive when I was cycling and I don't intend leaving until you all get your bfps!! Xx

Caro, sorry af has showed up. Big hugs xx

Sasha, I know I'm an oldie that isn't part of this group cycling at the moment but good luck for tomorrow x


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## Sasha1973

Penelope that's so kind of you thank you, that means a lot. I see from your signature that we both loved the name Noah   well done on getting a little sibling for him, I hope that we can all join you soon Xx


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## Sasha1973

Ps. I see you were also successful on cycles 2 and 4? Hopefully I'll be following that pattern too!


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## Penelope Pitstop

ah yes, just spotted your little ticker!! 

Yes I was lucky on cycle 2 and 4 so let's hope you will be too xx


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## KLconfused

Sash good luck for tomorrow. Fingers crossed for you.

Hi to everyone else. Sorry no personals. Clinic just called and measure is 161 so rubbish. Back tomorrow for bloods again.ive been clear I don't want to drag this out and pay loads and she said they won't keep it going for much longer and it doesn't look good but they've seen it occasionally work from this situation. Just want to sit and cry but dd won't give me even a second to grieve. So tired. Shall I just stop my drugs tonight. I got blood 6 times doing my gestone injection last night when I've never got it before.


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## Trin Trin

Kl - could you not refuse to have bloods done everyday as this is clearly costing you money, plus your time and energy each time. Perhaps have them again on Tuesday. This must be so exhausting for you, financially, physically and emotionally:-( I feel for you, I really do. It's the not knowing which is hard to cope with......

I hope this can turn into a good news story 🙏


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## Sasha1973

KL that must be heartbreaking for you, I want to echo what Trin said about just going Tuesday for bloods, the outcome either way is unlikely to change with them putting you through daily blood tests and having all these numbers must be agonising for you. I would carry on with the drugs and go back Tuesday they may be able to make a more realistic decision then. Sending you big hugs, so sorry you're having to go through this


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## Penelope Pitstop

Kl, I agree with Trin and sasha, carry on with drugs and take some time to rest ovr the bank holiday and have a blood test tues. besides the emotional roller coaster you are on the travelling and early mornings must be exhausting you.


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## Pnee

Hi KL, so sorry to hear about your distressing experience.  I was in exactly your position about a year and a half ago.  I had low rising hgc and was exhausted and stressed by the continued blood tests at ARGC.  In my case I had a scan at ARGC after about 2 weeks, and the doctor couldn't find any yolk sack and suggested I might have an ectopic pregnancy.  This put me into even more of a panic.  When I went to my local hospital for a second opinion, they did find the yolk sac, and a few weeks later a heartbeat.  Sadly, I miscarried at about 9 weeks (abnormal chromosomes).  However, I guess my point is that the extra expense and stress caused by all the blood tests at ARGC did not affect my outcome in any way.  So, yes, take a break from the constant testing if it is stressing you out.


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## Crazy_frog

Kl, I'm sorry results are not showing one way or another. Thinking of you. I hope you get a break and see what happens. 
Sorry for lack of presence, today should have been scan. We were by clinic as at a show, planned that way....shame it didn't work the way we hoped. I guess I've head up bottom syndrome. Still hoping for all of us and sasha I can't remember if test is today or tomorrow, but good luck. Xx


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## Sasha1973

Thank you so much for all your well wishes - it's a BFP for us this morning!! I can't quite believe it! So excited I'm shaking like a leaf!!! Xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Wow massive congratulations sasha!!


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## Trin Trin

Fabulous news Sasha!!! Congratulations!!! Well done, the bfps on here has been spectacular. Wishing and hoping you have a smooth ride. Excellent news to wake up to xx


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## Crazy_frog

Wonderful news sasha, so pleased for you. Hoping you have a happy and healthy 9 months. X


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## Anjelissa

Massive congratulations Sasha 
That's wonderful news! 
Anj x x


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## caro8500

That's brilliant news Sasha. Really pleased for you xx


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## KLconfused

Just did a big update then it got lost!

Sasha that's great news. Really pleased for you. 

Caro - I understand the disappointment every month. I have the same when I try with donor. But its better than having no chance at all each month and it keeps me sane between IVFs. Your work situation sounds really hard. I don't know the answer. Can you choose a clinic local to you where you can get in early for scans etc? I know my first 2 goes I was working and that's what we did. It was hard making up an excuse for EC I remember. 

Trin - how are you doing? I think its great that there were no abnormalities. I don't know what else it could be except immunes. I suppose it means there's definitely no point doing the same thing again as you need some extra actions to try to tackle the issue. At least that's one concern off the table though. 

AFM clinic still want me in every day but I said no. they admitted its not a viable pregnancy and they want to keep checking its not ectopic. As I understand it you cant see a sack until 6 weeks so if I haven't got AF by then ill go to EPU for a scan. Ive left it ill go back Tuesday but I don't plan to. Ill call and get my follow up appointment for ASAP and I think its normally 3 weeks. 

Im worried this is going to drag on. The miscarriage last year at 11 weeks messed my cycle up for months and months. Also I just want this over with. I want to try with donor again as soon as I can and do another ICSI asap. My poor daughter has suffered from me being away all the time and she seems much happier the last few days ive been here to get her up in the morning and be with her. Her eating has improved. I feel guilty putting her through it all again. 

I do have a big concern now about my eggs. The miscarriage last year was with donor sperm and this one with my husbands sperm. We have already agreed we will use donor sperm for the next IVF. But is it my eggs that are the problem? clinic seemed to think last years miscarriage was immunes related and its possible. This one shouldn't be as im on immunes drugs at the clinic so is this one just my husbands bad sperm or are my eggs fried? 

I still have the fetus (I called him Adam) in the freezer from my miscarriage last year. I was thinking of ringing the EPU and see if I can get it tested. If I explain ive just spent £15k on IVF maybe they will help as I am going to try again. If I miscarry soon I know I wont see anything this time so nothing to test but if It ends in an ERPC I will push for testing. I am having wobbles about DE but there's no point keep going if my eggs are rubbish. The £15k really stings and I don't think it will be any cheaper next time round which is daunting. I really really really want to try with my own eggs but I also want this part of my life over with, I just want a second child and never mention IF again - as we all do! Any ideas on what I could say to the EPU to get them to help and if they wont help is there anywhere privately I could get it tested?


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## Penelope Pitstop

Kl, I didn't want to read and run. I don't know what to say lovely. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Sending you big big hugs and my thoughts are with you and your family xx


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## Carter4

Hi Ladies

I've been reading, but deliberately trying to take a back seat. It came from the best place, but not so sure that I haven't been a bit misguided in this approach.

KL - I'm so utterly sorry for what you are having to go through right now. It seems so unfair. Not sure about testing foetus privately, and DE wobble is perfectly natural. I don't envy your decisions ahead, but I have no doubt your dogged perseverance will pay off.

Sasha -   on your      .

Crazy_frog - I was so saddened to see how your cycle eventually turned out, but I sincerely hope your next go is the one!

Trin - Your karotyping results are such a mixed blessing. Brilliant that a quality embryo was transferred, but so difficult to know how to feel that for whatever reason it was unable to progress.

caro - The ttc naturally/clomid path is such a tough one, but much like ivf you just never know. Fx you hit the jackpot, before having to get back on the blasted rollercoaster.

Penelope - It's good to see you back, supporting and cheering everyone on.

AFM - 32 weeks and have really bad swelling in my ankles/lower legs. B/p on the cusp, but no protein in urine, so avoiding pre-eclampsia for the moment, but obstetrician feels I may be heading towards it. Back again on Thursday with a plan to book in cs date, as both Pebble and Pippy still breech (unless scan on Tuesday reveals otherwise)!


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## Crazy_frog

Kl, thinking of you for tomorrow. I hope things are clearer for you. Thinking of you. 
Trin, how are you doing? What is your plan for next cycle?
Carter, sorry to hear you're suffering with swelling. 32 weeks is good for twins, with steroids and care you'll all be good. I hope you get plan soon. Thanks for thinking of us, but personally I'm ok hearing other ladies news, it gives hope. 
Hello to everyone, hope you're all good.


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## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Carter - lovely to hear from you. Don't stay away unless you want to. We're all part of the same journey and just because luck was on your side and your dreams are almost with you doesn't mean we don't want to hear from you. I for one want to know how you're getting on plus I love your support and any advice experiences you can share.

Sasha - how you doing my love. Has it sunk in yet that you're pregnant?? When will your scan be?

Caro - each month trying is a step in the right direction. There's a chance it may work...🙏

Crazy - hope you're doing okay, a break and a holiday I found recharges my battery ready to start again. I won't lie though....every loss I've had I think about all the time, never leaves me. Always think about what could have been etc 

Pene - Bless ya! Let's hope we don't keep you hanging on here too long lol. Hope 2015 can be the year the rest of our dreams comes true. I'm frustrated that I've been close twice, I just need to maintain my positiveness. 

Kl - left you til last as my heart aches for you, it really does. I'm so sorry this pregnancy is not viable:-( so sad. You've invested so much time, both emotionally,physically and financially plus the sacrifice of not spending time with your daughter. I'm lost for words....I understand your confusion with your eggs/husbands sperm. With the sperm I thought they can test to see if they're healthy. Is his issue motility or low count? Didn't think this is an issue with ivf....surely they wouldn't use if they weren't good enough.. Egg quality is difficult as they cannot tell if the quality is good or not. All your hormone tests indicated that all was well, so personally I would use your own eggs. You have had 2 pregnancies in the last 12 months, which is a good sign your eggs are working okay. 

Re going to the EPU, I'd definitely go and just tell the truth. Explain your history and circumstance. Us private paying ladies should use and benefit from the NHS with all we pay our for. Why pay more privately you've paid enough!! I hope today will provide you with clarity.

Afm - I am happy with the test results it just doesn't make me feel any better (if that makes any sense) I'm going Barcelona for a girly weekend on 15 May...another 40 celebration looking forward to that. My house is a building site with extension work:-( re treatment I will probably start with next period (I think) and will have cycke with immunes meds empirically (without testing) steroids, clexane, intralipid, plus the usual asprin and progesterone.


----------



## Trin Trin

Oops sorry kl just realised you want to test 'Adam' at the EPU. I'm not sure......not sure if home refrigeration has the same impact in maintaining what it would need to. I would still give them a call for advice guidance. It's such a hard decision for you to make. Have you done any research on women who have miscarried with own eggs, then used DE and those who have perseverd with their own..... Wish I could be of more help. X


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## Trin Trin

Kl - Just letting you know I'm thinking of you and DH.... X


----------



## KLconfused

Hi all

Trin - hubbies sperm is 100% abnormal. We were told sperm are made of 3 parts - head, middle and tail. Each sperm has at least 1 of those that's abnormal. They pick ones where the head looks ok and use those. I found a few articles where rubbish sperm like this result in bad embryo especially ones slowing after day 3 (weve had 8 perfect at day 3 so far and only 1 child). One consultant was saying more attention should be paid to sperm as they see this in DE babies too. I don't know why the clinic are so dismissive about bad sperm especially to the level of my husbands. Everything is bad about them - motility , mobility , count but they dismiss it. 

Your brave to do another cycle with house renovation going on. I know how hard that is! The only thing id say about the immunes from my limited knowledge is that the clexane and asprin are for 'sticky blood' which is the leading cause of miscarriage apparently so not immunes. The steroids are immunes and stop inflammation around the embryo which is the first thing the body does when it attacks it. However when I had the immunes tests at ARGC they tested loads of stuff. I cant remember all of it but it included thyroid aswell. Theres the cytokines and NKC and CD13 and a few more. Depending on which level is what determines whether you get the intralipids, IVIG or Humira. I think intralipids is the cheaper and less invasive of the 3 but it may not be right for your levels. Or it may be. As it seems there maybe something to do with immunes affecting you id be very tempted to get the test done. It may be intralipids is what you would have anyway. Hope I haven't offended 

Ive been to the EPU today and had a scan. Theres a tiny sac there and at 5+4 its way too small to be normal. I have to go to EPU again Monday 17th May and if the miscarriage hasn't happened im going to opt for a ERPC. I asked about testing and the nurse didn't know so she is going to call me back. It seems putting Adam in the freezer may have destroyed his cells anyway. And they may not be able to test this miscarriage as there was no fetal poll and apparently that can mean theres nothing to test. 

ARGC wont give me a follow up appointment until the miscarriage is finished. I reckon end July to try again. 

I really hoped id go in today and find there was a mistake and baby was Ok. I still feel pregnant, still craving pickled onions and boobs are getting sore etc. Its like torture. Im told this earlier miscarriage will be like a heavy period so im carrying on going out. I couldn't with the 11 week miscarriage as there was so much blood and liver like stuff. Sorry TMI!

Carter - im glad your staying around I really am. I had preeclampsia from 38 weeks. DD was fine but it did take me a while to get over it afterwards as I was so swollen. But as long as beans are Ok and you too that's the main thing and sounds like the docs have you under close control. Your the one person ive known through FF through the whole DE process from being told you need them to now so im sooooo interested to know how your doing and how you feel when twins are here. I am leaning towards DE at the moment and one reason is I would love twins  SO do stay around and tell us all your news. I wont look at the success thread so please do keep this thread updated. 

Hi to everyone else, hope your all well.


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## Sasha1973

Sorry I've been awol for the last few days, I was straight back to work after 3 weeks off and it's been manic. 

Klconcused I've been thinking about you, I'm so sorry for what you're having to go through, I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. You're right about clinics being so dismissive of sperm and blame it all on the eggs, I'm not sure I've heard of any clinics that will focus on the sperm and do more testing, it's strange you'd've thought there would've been more research about it by now. I hope you get some proper closure after your scan on the 18th  

Carter I love hearing your updates, it gives me hope that it can be successful, please don't feel like you shouldn't post, we want to hear. How did your scan go? I hope you're still managing to keep the preeclampsia away. 

Trin I hope you have a lovely holiday, sounds like a much needed break away, it's good that you feel ready to get going with your next cycle. 

Crazyfrog is are you feeling? 

Penelope, anjelissa and caro thank you so much for your congratulations, it really means a lot to me, everyone on this thread is so lovely. 

AFM I've got a scan date now, it's 28th May, it feels ages away, all being well I'll be 8+1 then. My clinic don't do any blood tests or anything between hpt and scan so I have no way of knowing what's going on in there over the next few weeks. I've done a few extra hpts though so am feeling ok about things at the moment


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## Carter4

Crazy thanks for your kind words. I hope you are okay?

Trin - I honestly do not want to stay away, just being over mindful no doubt! I will be keeping my fingers tightly crossed for when you're good to go again, and really hope the immune tx makes the difference.

KL - What a difficult time for you, and having to return to the epu again must be so trying. I hope you get your review sooner rather than later, as it will be interesting to see what ARGC have to say for why this cycle has not worked.

Sasha - Glad to hear that the extra hpts you have done have provided you with some much needed reassurance. Good luck with this second 2ww. I always found this stage much harder,.

AFM - Tbh I've had a bit of a time of it. Was admitted to the labour ward (maternity observation unit) on Tuesday, following our routine 32 week scan, as there was some concern over twin 1's growth. I was given a steroid shot then and there, and again the next day. In the meantime I was monitored closely with repeated ctgs, b/ps, urine samples and blood tests, and discharged Thursday, with the words echoing in my ears from the consultant that any worries/concerns and I am better to over react rather than under react. Iugr was stated along with a cord flow issue (RI). Well we had to return to mdu this morning for another doppler scan, and I am now happy/relieved to report that twin 1's tummy circumference was much nearer the mark than last time, and that the cord flow issue is once again falling within range. The consultant is no longer classing me as iugr, but did say I could tip into it very easily, and it is for these reasons that she would like to keep a very close eye on us all. Suits me fine, after this recent scare!!!


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## Sasha1973

Carter that must've been so scary for you, I'm glad everything has resolved itself for the minute and fingers crossed it stays that way. It's good they're monitoring you closely to keep an eye on it. Are the babies still breach? Did you get you csection date?


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## Carter4

I think I was more in a state of shock Sasha. It's very unnerving when everything has been moving along tickety-boo. Twin 1 (the smaller of the two is still breech), and regularly dancing on my bladder. Twin 2 is now cephalic, which is slightly frustrating as we are so close to a natural birth, but at this stage in the game being strongly steered towards a cs. No date yet, as this was supposed to be discussed at the antenatal clinic on Thursday gone, but that appointment was obviously missed. Will seek clarification this week, as again have two doppler scans. Thanks for asking xxx


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## Crazy_frog

Trin, good luck with building and have a lovely break. Fingers crossed for cycling soon.
Kl, so sorry for all you are going through. It is so unbelievably cruel and you are in my thoughts. Hoping everything resolves for you as well as it can and your follow up sheds light where it can. Take care of yourself. 
Sasha, I hope you are well and not too overworked! That's always the pain about returning to work!!
Carter, I'm glad to hear bp is ok, twins behaving although I appreciate its scary. The thing to remember is each day is a bonus. Steroids might sting, but it'll help their lungs no end. Don't beat yourself up, it is sadly one of those things- there is nothing you could or should have done or not done. Just before you get that mummy guilt stick out..... Keep us updated. 
Hope everyone else is well x
We are just starting to think about review, manager at work not delighted by concept of short notice leave in August, but not entirely sure they can stop me, even admitted it herself. It's hard, I know it puts pressure on them, but I don't want to wait longer.....selfish maybe but I prioritise my family life higher.


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## Carter4

God those steroids are a bleeping BLEEP, and sting is a very generous description Crazy  , however I'm more than happy to have it on board given recent events. You're very on the ball, because that mummy guilt kicked in quick and hard. Not so much now, but that's probably because our glass became half full again.

Definitely not selfish Crazy, just annoyingly scheduled. Others without IF issues can just plan behind the scenes! Be sure to let us know when your review is booked in for x


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## Crazy_frog

Lol Carter, ok I'm being kind they are awful! But done and all good. Guilt is normal part of mummy life I think. More so if prem labour/ delivery threatened. I see it every day at work. Shout/ pm if you've any qu I can help with. 
Will let you all know about review, starting to feel ready. And yeah you're right, other people just get to have all this behind closed doors. I'm trying to be open and honest (within reason!) with work, but it's hard.


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## Dolphins

Hi ladies,

How are you all?

I'm laid up at the mo. full of cold, with a busy week in front of me, so I don't really need this!  

Anyway! I don't know if I have told you about my son, but he is on the waiting list to see the Community Paediatrician at the end of this month.  His appt. in fact his just over 2 wks away now, so we are eagerly awaiting it, hoping that maybe not in the first appt, but eventually they will be able to give us some answers.

We have just received a disturbing Speech and Language Therapy Report about our son, that states that he has either significant/some difficulties in most areas of his communication, inc social interaction and play, which has clearly been perturbing, and still is, so the appt. with the Paediatrician can't come too soon.

Sorry about my son post, but this is what is mostly on my mind at the mo. I will talk 'fertility or rather infertility' some other time, if you don't mind.

Take care.

xx


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## KLconfused

Dolphins - I cant begin to imagine what you are going through, it must be so hard. At least the appointment is nearly here and then you can get some answers. A friend of mine has a son with aspergers and they found it very difficult and it seemed to take ages for the diagnosis. But once that was made they got lots of help and now they are all doing really well. xx

Carter - sounds like you've had a time of it. I know you realise all of us here would swap with you in a second and be 32 weeks pregnant but that doesn't make it any less stressful and scary for you. Sounds like your being well looked after. Im sure its impossible with toddler 1 but can you put your feet up as much as possible and try and rest loads?

Crazy - good luck with your review. Its good your feeling ready to go there now. 

Sasha - 28th May does seem ages but the HPTs are good. The time still flies I find when you have one child to look after. After so many MC's on here we are definitely due a baby.

AFM - went to the hospital to see a consultant today and she signed the form to send off Adam (last years miscarriage) to the lab for testing. Im not sure whether they can test it as it may be destroyed from the freezing but they agreed to try. Consultant said 'well when you do these things that are unnatural (IVF) then these things happen'. If I wasn't so upset Id have wanted to slap her. I was so sad saying by to Adam. It felt all wrong to hand him over. Ive asked for any remains back so I can bury him. He held so many dreams and should be a bouncing 2 month old in my arms now. How different things would be then. The coonsultant wouldn't scan me again today and still no signs of a miscarriage infact I feel pregnant again and my trousers are getting really tight now. I think ill just have to wait until Monday for my next scan appointment and get the ERPC ASAP afterwards. Im thinking more and more about donor eggs but will wait until we see ARGC to decide. It will take 8 weeks for the results of the testing on both foetus's so that should be just before we try again and may help with some decisions. I have put up another thread on here to ask when people chose DE and not all were told by a doctor to do so. Some didn't want all the IVF drugs anymore and just wanted a baby and couldn't face much more so wanted the best chance. Similar to where I am at at the moment.


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## caro8500

KL...so so sorry for all you are going through. Must be so hard to send Adam too but hope he can give you a better idea of how to move forward. OMG can't believe the consultant actually said that...insulting and insensitive how do some people end up in the jobs they do is beyond me. Donor eggs always lurk in the back of my mind but its almost like I need someone to tell me that's what I need to do before I'll do it. Think will try at least one more own egg IVF

Dolphins...Not surprising you are feeling worried. Glad you are seeing the pediatrician soon, hope you get some answers. 

Carter...Gosh 32 weeks has flown. Hope this week is treating you better. Everyday is a bonus for your twinies but bet you just want them safely in your arms now. Hugely excited for you

Crazy...sounds like tough for you to take time off work too. Your totally right though, there are bigger things to prioritise. As if IVF isn't enough I just find the whole taking time off work thing a whole lot more pressure and stress added which we could all do without. 

Trin...hope you enjoy your girlie break. Hope a bit of relaxation and girlie fun gets you ready for your next cycle. Must admit feeling a little like I need to get on with things now but still ahven't done anything about it...not sure if that means I'm not quite ready yet.

Sasha..Hope you aren't going too crazy. The wait for those early scans are pretty agonising  

AFM - not been very well, think the clomid has probably flared the endo and had some awful pain and a urine infection (or endo on the bladder?) Lets hope its the first and the antibiotics help . On the last month now and won't be doing any more...makes me too ill. Just quick question but for anyone who has changed clinics, did you take/send a copy of your previous notes/results etc with you and how do you go about requesting a copy?


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## Crazy_frog

Dolphins, I hope the appt assists your son, it's great speach and language are already involved and I hope they continue to offer help. It's almost here now and then you can face the next step for your little boy. 
Kl, I'm sorry you were met with such insensitivity, some people are unbelievable. It's not a helpful comment and maybe when you're ready you could feed it back to the hospital? I hope you get some answers from review, testing and feel ready to make decisions about DE if that is right for you. 
Caro, sorry to hear clomid treating you so badly. It's pretty vile stuff. Fingers crossed antibiotics clear up infection and it's nothing more. 
Sasha, I hope you're ok, it isn't too much longer now. With all the bad news, you are sure to be our Ray of sunshine. 
Carter, hope those babies are settling down and growing nicely. Hope you're not feeling too bad. Take care
Trin, hope you're ok too x


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## KLconfused

Caro - sorry to hear the clomid hasn't worked and has made you ill. I really didn't realise it could do that. 
When I changed clinics I just rung my old clinic and asked them to fax or email my notes to the new clinic. They would send a summary for free or £50 for the detailed notes. I just got the summary in the end and the new clinic were fine with it. For us is just said how many eggs we got, fertilisation, day of transfer, sperm results and what meds I was given. Very useful for the new clinic. My new clinic looked at it and said immediately I had such good quality embryos at day 3 not making a pregnancy that they thought I had immune issues. Sadly though the new clinic didn't manage to get as many good embryos at day 3 as I usually have. Hopefully they will sort that next time. good luck.


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## Carter4

Crazy if I think of anything, I'll be sure to pick your knowledgeable brains, thanks for the offer. How are you?

Dolphins - It must be a very difficult time for you, regarding your DS's progress, but I sincerely hope you start to get some answers/advice/input soon.

KL - I'm managing to get some rest ta. Really no choice in the matter as I'm virtually grinding to a halt. I know you would all swap in a nanosecond, but if I'm as honest as I can be, I have intermittently envied you all still being able to use your OE's, mine were clearly fried, and I thank the heavens above that I was able to squeeze through with my DD! I hope no offence is caused by that comment, but as Pebble and Pippy's arrival grows closer, some pushed down, deep seated fears keep trying to rise. Felt a lump in my throat when you described saying goodbye to Adam, I only hope that some results can be obtained. Re DE I was eventually advised, but had hit that point prior to the suggestion. For me it was because of the horrendous failed fertilisation cycles, to not even be in with a chance and shell out all that money was hellish. I hope you find a way forward, it's no mean feat switching to DE.

caro - My sil had a stage on clomid, and really did struggle with the drug. Bet you can't wait to come off it. Fx the abx help. Never swapped clinics, but hope you get your notes sorted soon.

Trin - Hope you're having a fantastic mini break?

Sasha - Hope you're hanging in there?

AFM - Well I got bounced back into hospital on Thursday, with concerns over Pippy's cord flow. Really didn't think I would escape, and DH and I were even given a tour of scbu, and told to prepare for delivery at 34 weeks (this Mon). However the consultants I saw on Friday were much happier with the doppler scan, and let me free. CS has been booked in now, for the 2nd June, so feel much better having this date to aim for. Things could well kick off beforehand though, and the intensive monitoring continues, with me being back for another doppler scan on Mon, as well as the usual ctg, b/p and urine sample.


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## Crazy_frog

Carter how'd you get on Monday? Hope all well. 
Cato, we didn't change clinics technically but location. This did mean releasing our notes from one to the other. Mostly it's easy process you'd need to contact first clinic, they may have a form for you to sign. They will probably charge ( £50 for our clinic). Then you can have them sent to you or new clinic. Good luck if that's if that's your plan. 
How's everyone doing? Kl thinking of you and hope you get answers soon.


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## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

I haven't been on here for over a week now, but my cold turn's out to be Sinisitus now and an ear infection in the inner ear.  So now I'm on antibiotics, tablets for Vertigo, and ear drops.  This has been going on for the past 3 wks. now, and the Dr. has already said that it will take up to another 2 wks. to feel better. "Typical!" Just when my son need's me, reg. his issues, and just when he has started moving about, taking steps with his walker.

However, something positive to say! I have never been on the 'big' side, but I don't know! Having turned 40 this year, wanting to get rid of any remaining 'baby fat', and so desperately hoping that my next treatment will work - & mainly, wanting to give myself the best chance possible! I decided to go on a Slimming Plan, and attend a Slimming group, 4 wks. ago now, for the first time ever!!!!

All I need to lose really is a stone, to get me to single figures, but last week having only been on the plan for 3 wks. I hit my half a stone weight loss, and I came home with a FREE bag of fruit, and an award for being the "Slimmer of the Week".      I will get my award for the half a stone mark tomorrow, when I attend the group.  I lost 3Ib last week to get Slimmer of the Week, and I was in total shock as my target weight loss for that week was only 1Ib and not 3Ib.  I am therefore halfway to hitting my overall target, which I am so pleased about!  I look slimmer, and I feel slimmer!

I also feel that even if treatment doesn't work next time, I have the knowledge that I have done everything I can to change my lifestyle reg. eating more healthily, and exercising more, and that I have done the best that I can to influence it working.

Finally, only a week tomorrow until we see the specialist for our son.  I am not expecting too much from the first session, but at least we'll be able to take it from there, which is a positive. 

Hope you are all well. 

xxx


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## Sasha1973

Hi ladies, so sorry I've been a bit absent these past couple of weeks, unfortunately I've not been very well at all and in a lot of pain, I had a private scan Thursday in the end which showed I have massively swollen ovaries and a belly full of fluid and diagnosed with mild OHSS - if this is what mild feels like I feel so sorry for those suffering with moderate or severe. We also found out that all 3 embryos implanted hence everything is made worse by 3 times the hormones. We have 1 little baby with a little heartbeat and what I believe they call 2 blighted ovum but I have to go for another scan a week today to see how all that's developed. Sorry for the me post, I just wanted you all to know that I'm still here and thinking of you all xxx


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## KLconfused

Sasha - sorry to hear your suffering but at least you have a baby and a good hb in there. hopefully you will feel a lot better soon

Dolphins - well done on the weight loss. I could do with losing some too and keep thinking ill join weightwatchers but haven't done it yet! Good luck next week with your appointment with DS and hope your better soon too. 

Carter - no offence caused at all. I appreciate your honesty. I suppose the most exciting part for me in your story is twins as I would love twins, but also that your journey is nearly over. Once you have your twins home you never need to think of IF ever again and im jealous of that. Ive read a lot on DE and it seems the main concern is what the babies look like. Ive heard such good things about how great the clinics are at matching people and once you meet them im sure your concerns will vanish. I suppose I see this as a journey with a certain end but I don't know what it is yet. If I knew it was DE I just want to be there now, but then I guess we never know what that end place is do we. 

Hope everyone else is doing OK. 

AFM had the ERPC Tuesday so was 7+2. Horrid horrid horrid. Couldn't stop crying at the hospital. I think when im home I feel I need to hold it together but at the hospital I was on my own so could let it out. Fetus has been sent for testing aswell. Follow up 29th June with ARGC. They want me to wait for the results of the tests so now im scared they will say its my eggs. We have decided next try is my eggs and donor sperm but concerned they might say something different. Embryo quality seemed worse with ARGC than our previous clinic. I know its supposed to be positive I got pregnant at all but it doesn't feel like it. Im scared of the money and wandering whether I need to stay with the ARGC but I suppose I should. I stopped my crohns meds aswell incase they are causing the problem and that worries me especially as Its likely to be 3 months before we try again. Back to wishing my life away and just wishing for 29th June so we can get a plan. I hate the waiting between cycles the most. Feeling very broken and sad at the moment. Want to cry but cant seem to. Feeling very ropey physically too and all my help goes home today so have my very active 2 year old toddler to myself. I am going to contact my private donor too to see if he will carry on trying. I told him a family member was ill and I was on holiday the month before hence missing 2 months of trying. no idea what my cycle will do this month though but going to try to blag it with him. Not sure its worth it but I thought if I do ovulate I have prednisolone left over so ill take it. I also have clexane, cyclogest and gestone and wandered about taking it all for a 2ww. Not sure its worth it as I wouldn't even know if Id actually ovulated. If I got pregnant again but had immune issues id miscarry then delay the next ivf even further so not sure if I  should try. But if I got a BFP I could go straight to ARGC for help. I know its unlikely id get a BFP naturally anyway but I cant bear the thought of ovulating and not being able to do anything about it. Hmm. I really hate this IF journey. It sucks so much. I just want a way out of it now.


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## Crazy_frog

Sasha sorry you've been so ill. Glad you saw a heartbeat and hope it all settles down and you feel better soon. 
Carter, all those feelings are normal I'm sure and you need to be kind to yourself. Once they're in your arms in sure things will settle. Hope you're still doing ok and babies are behaving. 
Kl, still thinking of you on this journey. Hoping you have results for your follow up and things are different for next cycle. 
Dolphins, congrats on the weight loss, that's brilliant. 
Caro, how you doing? Hope things have settled and you're feeling better. 
Trin hope you're ok. 
Afm we've booked follow up for 11/6. We're converting to marriage from civil partnership few days later on our anniversary and having a party. We're then going away for few days before main holidays. We've cranned lots in to tick off those weeks until we can go again. Ways to not wish our lives away but keep us busy! Upping the protein and being good in preparation. I've sort of decided to say stuff work, it's not like I don't help the rest of the time. Not helped by dd asking for baby, that's hard! But we remain positive that it will happen. Madness but not ready to consider it won't.


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## Trin Trin

Hi all

Been absent for a while....great time in Barcelona!!

Kl - it's the worst thing ever having the ERPC. I've had it twice now and each time I cry like a baby before I'm put to sleep and when I wake up. I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone. Good to hear you can get the baby tested. I really hope you'll feel better soon, like you I long for the day when I can close this chapter in my life. 

Sasha - poor you!! Glad you have a heartbeat beating away nicely. I felt terrible between week 6-9!! Don't feel bad I just hope you start to feel better soon.

Carter - your journey is almost over!! Bet you can't wait to meet your girls next week. You must be feeling so uncomfortable now, plus the excitement too. Please let us know when they arrive

Crazy - congrats on the pending marriage. Great news!!! I know what you mean about keeping busy. It does help with filling in the time. Not long to go, summer is nearly here.

Caro - How you doing?

AFM - I'm doing okay, keeping busy. Barcelona was lovely, house is still a building site with the extension work!!! Spoke to the clinic last week and I'm ready to go again.....I will start the pill with my next bleed. Appointment booked for the 2nd week of June to sign documents etc and to get my treatment plan. Started taking my supplements again. Hoping fresh cycle no.3 will fulfil my dream with a baby to take home on my arms.

Take care everyone x
Dolphins - sorry to hear about what you're going through with your son..


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## Carter4

Grrrr just lost a post, my own fault, got sidetracked fussing one of my cats, and something happened. Let's try again.....

Sasha - I hope you are feeling a bit better by now? Congrats on seeing the one hb, and good luck with your follow up scan tomorrow.

Crazy_frog - Sounds as if you have plenty of enjoyable things to look forward to, and then before you know it the 11th will be here.

Dolphins - Well done on your weight loss.

KL - I can't deny that I am relieved to be disembarking from this IF rollercoaster. I feel for you ladies, I really do, and I can only hope that you all get to join me sooner rather than later. You're right about my main concern being what P&P look like. Blimey it sounds dreadfully superficial, but it really isn't meant like that. Just want both of them, to have some similarity that can be drawn upon. My DD is my carbon copy, poor mite  . 
The waiting is a killer, and I'm so sorry you had to endure another erpc. You're right about the not knowing too, it's a tough road to travel, and your soul will take a battering I'm afraid. Just hope you can hang on in there. (((((((Hugs)))))))

Trin - Crikey, can't believe you're good to go again. Sending you so much luck for your take home baby.

AFM - The countdown is on, six more sleeps until we meet our girls. Pre op, ctg and doppler scan booked for tomorrow, uss on Monday and then Tuesday is cs.


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## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

I was just wanting to ask if you could kindly wish us luck for tomorrow, as it's our son's first appt. with the Community Paediatrician, first thing tomorrow morning.

Of course I will let you know how we get on.

Many Thanks. 

xxx

p.s. "thank you all for congratulating me on my weight loss.  I now have lost 9.5Ib in 5 wks.  I thought that initially, I wouldn't last a week, but I have, so I am right proud of myself."    xxxx


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## KLconfused

Dolphins best of luck for tomorrow.  I know you have waited ages and have a lot riding on this appointment.  Once you have an idea what your dealing with you will be able to focus forward.  The weight loss is great and your certainly giving yourself the best chance of success when you try again. 

Trin glad your ready to go again.  This has to be the time for you now and it's positive you have something different to try. 

Carter I'm so excited for you. I can't believe you will get to hold your 2 babies on Tuesday.  Do keep us posted. 

Afm I have an abscess in a very difficult place. I'm sure it's from the erpc but doc disagrees. I'm on loads of antibiotics and laid up. It's unbelievably painful. I'm back at the gp tomorrow as apparently it's likely I'll have to go to hospital to have it drained.  Can something please just go right! It's excruciating so I hope I get to hospital tomorrow if needed and not waiting all weekend. 
Got a call from epu and Adams remains are back. They are testing him but sent back what they don't need. Also said from last week's miscarriage there was no fetal tissue so they're testing a bit of placenta. I think that means it was a blighted ovum? 

I've looked at a sperm bank and found a few donors I like. When I've looked before I've always got upset but I feel reassured there are some ok ones out there. I've also been reading lots of negative stories about frozen donor sperm not being great and low fertilisation etc. We've got so much hope for donor sperm fixing our problems I'm worried were heading for yet another fall.


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## Crazy_frog

Kl, we have used frozen donor sperm every time. Our clinic recommend icsi for their donor sperm.  The first 2 cycles we had 100% fertilisation and then last 2 had around 80%. It's hard road, but our only choice. Good luck with your decision. I hope Adam returns home to you soon x


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## Sasha1973

Carter just wanted to say good luck for today, I'll be thinking of you, I hope your little babies arrive safe and sound x


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## Penelope Pitstop

Good luck for today Carter!! Can't believe you get to finally meet your baby girls today!! Eeek!! Looking forward to hearing from you.

Sasha, how are you? Hope you are feeling better xx


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## Trin Trin

Carter good luck for today!!! Wow your journey is nearly over.....I remember you announcing you're having twins and they're almost here💞 x


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## Sasha1973

Penelope pitstop that's very kind of you to ask, I'm still not feeling great and have been signed off work. I think the OHSS is getting a little better though so fingers crossed we're on the up and hopefully the constant nausea will go soon too and I'll finally be able to start enjoying this last part of my journey. We did in fact have our official clinic scan on Thursday and were very surprised to see two babies with little heartbeats both measuring slightly ahead of the dates the clinic have given me, to say I'm in shock is an understatement! It's looking like they'll be here with us the week before Christmas (all being well) as I'll be having to have an early csection again due to age and risk, what a Christmas it's going to be!


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## Trin Trin

Sasha!!!! Congrats!!! That's fab news!! I didn't want to ask as you hadn't updated or said anything. Great news, really is....I know too well how that dreaded nausea felt, I was miserable everyday but thankful too. Hoping it will ease up soon. I'm thrilled for you, gives me hope again for us over 40's xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Oh wow!! Congratulations sasha. I should've noticed your ticker!!!! Hoping you feel better soon. What a fab Christmas pressy for you all xx


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## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

Thanks for wishing us luck last week for our son's appt.   xx

In regards to his appt. we didn't see the Consultant, but we saw another Dr. who was only there apparently to see whether what is wrong with our son will qualify him to be able to be assessed by the specialists at the Child Development Centre. He did confirm however, that he will indeed be assessed by the specialist team at the centre, and it will take a couple of hrs for the assessment. However, the waiting list is currently 8 or 9 wks long, so we will have to wait again for now.  Life just seem's to be a all long waiting game at the mo.   

In the meantime, the Dr. is going to write to the Education Board to request that he get's a nursery place for when he is 2, as he need's to be around other children, and be able to imitate them. Also, he want's us to start applying for DLA, as the Dr. today confirmed that he does have developmental delay (global developmental delay).  So overall a positive appt.

Bye for now.

xx


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## caro8500

Just a quick one to say

Carter...hope by now you have your girls safely in your arms and all has gone really well today. I know it may be a while till we hear from you but can't wait for an update. Thinking about you today : ) 

Sasha - many congratulations, how exciting (and shocking) to see 2 heartbeats. Hope your symptoms ease up soon but what a great reason for having them

Well I've finally requested a copy of my records, so taken the first step towards cycling again. Life just so crazily busy at the moment, haven't had time to breath. 3 months of clomid over to no avail. Oh well it was worth a try I suppose. Onwards and upwards  

xx


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## KLconfused

Carter - ive been thinking about you a lot! I really hope you have your 2 gorgeous girls in your arms. I wish I could come and give you all a big hug! Im so happy for you. 

Trin - thanks for  your post. ERPC is horrendous and I hope neither of us go through it again.

Sasha - twins - wow your so lucky. My dream would be OE twin girls. I know in my mind lots of women over 40 have OE twins so why cant it be me and now I know someone.. Really hope I join you soon. 

Dolphin - im sorry you didn't get the complete answer from the meeting. A bit frustrating but its moving forward all the time which is good. It sounds like you got some positives from the meeting which is great. 

Caro - sorry the clomid didn't work. Sounds like your crazy busy. IF is almost a full time job in itself so I dont know how your managing!

Crazy - thanks for the comments on donor sperm. Ive found 1 donor at Fairfax but im not doing more until my meeting with ARGC as I dont know if they accept Fairfax sperm or have other requirements. I guess its usually the horror stories of rubbish donor sperm that get on to the internet and not the good stories!

AFM, abscess is slowly healing. Nurse today admitted it could have been from a cut from the ERPC. Consultant got me so stressed it was a fistula from crohns but it wasn't so more worry for nothing. Im having daily dressing changes with the nurse at the GPs which is embarrassing but im used to undressing for people only now its my bum I show her not my lady bits!! TMI sorry!!
Having some very bad days and some not so bad. I feel close to tears all the time which is hard. 2 friends just had their babies and another friend is starting IVF for number2 in July. Everyone I know seems to have started TTC #2 so much later than I did but they all now have their babies. So frustrating. Im thinking an awful lot about DE but will wait to see what the ARGC see at the appointment first. Im getting adams remains today from the hospital which im dreading. Im so nervous about the results of his test but I suppose it should help cope with the next step whatever the result.  xx


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## Crazy_frog

Sasha, amazing news so pleased for you. Hope you're ok. 
Dolphins, glad things are moving- although alowly
Caro, sorry clomid was evil and you're moving forward with new path.
Carter, hope you and girls are ok. 
Kl, may Adam now be at peace and may you find some peace yourself. I hope everything gets better for you and your review is ok. 
Trin, hope you're ok too
Busy month for us, madness!!


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## Carter4

Hi Ladies

I've been trying my best to get on here, but failing miserably! Just to let you know that our gorgeous girlies were born on the 31st of May, by emergency cs at 9.53 and 9.54pm. Jess weighed 4lb1oz, and Emma weighed 6lb4oz!!!

Bit of a birth story (isn't there always), and we are seriously considering a complaint against the hospital. Suffice to say they are here safe and sound, but decision making and communication pre emcs was at best poor. 

I will continue to follow this thread, until you get your dreams. I promise not to be a stranger, but will be ever mindful of just how bloomin' hard this journey is, for some more than others.

xxxxx


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## KLconfused

Carter - so lovely to hear from you. Please do keep in touch on this thread as im very keen to hear of your experiences. So many congratulations, I can imagine the relief you feel that they are both here and your IF journey is over. Have you been able to take Jess and Emma straight home? 

So so pleased for you xx Oh and im interested to hear the birth story!! Sounds dramatic but im glad your all OK in the end.


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## Sasha1973

Carter congratulations! Beautiful names. I would love to hear your birth story too and always look forward to your updates. Hope the girls are thriving xxx


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## Crazy_frog

Wonderful news Carter that's all is ok now. I'm sorry that things weren't straightforward. when you're ready it may be worth meeting with head midwife and many units and have a support service for afterwards. Be kind to yourself, no matter how wanted littlies are, it's still hard in the early days and that's ok!! May you all be home and finding your new "normal" soon. Look after yourself, please do share how you all get on, yeah the journey is hard- but you show it happens!! Xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Congratulations Carter! Glad to hear that both girls have arrived safe and well at long last. I hope you didn't have too tough a time but I would definitely make a complaint if you are unhappy about the service you received.


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## Trin Trin

Oh Carter I'm sooooooo pleased to hear that the girls have arrived safe and sound!!! Fabulous news to see on here. My goodness you've had your fair share of heartache and I'm thrilled this chapter for you is firmly closed!! I'd love you to stick around and to support us on here. Your experiences, advice and knowledge will always be appreciated.

Take care and once again congratulations 💕

Sasha - how's things? I hope the sickness is easing off for you.

Kl, Crazy, Caro - Hope all is well too xx


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## caro8500

woo hoo...well done Carter. So glad to hear your girls are here safe and well. You must be thrilled but exhausted already I imagine. Must admit I really struggled with the early days and that was just with one! Please do stick around. Like the others I value your support and stories like yours inspire me to keep going. Sorry your birth experience was poor.Love to hear a good birth story if you want to share...I didn't have a good experience with my birth and wish I had discussed it direct with the hospital afterwards (as my community midwife suggested) but was just too caught up in trying to cope with a new born to find the time or energy. 
xx


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## L_ouise

Hi, are any of you ladies aiming for an August transfer? xx


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## Trin Trin

Hi L_ouise

Lovely to have a newbie on here. i will start down regging next week, so my transfer will probably be end of July. We're all at different stages at the moment, but there could a couple of us starting again during the summer. You're very welcome to join us here.

How's everyone doing? It's all quitened down, hope all is okay. Crazy, Caro, Kl - when do you think you'll be cycling again?? X


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## Crazy_frog

Hi, sorry for the absence. It's bern pretty crazy. 
Hope everyone's ok. L_ouise, we will prob be cycling in August. Welcome. Good news trin for you, so close now!!


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## Anjelissa

Hi lovely ladies,

I just wanted to pop in to say goodbye as I'm stepping down as moderator this weekend.

We don't know as yet who will be replacing me here, but in the mean time you can contact any of the moderators in the case of any issues arising on this board (which is unlikely )

It's been lovely 'meeting' you all, you are such a wonderful supportive group, I wish you all the best of luck whatever stage of the journey you are at, and best wishes for the future.
May all your dreams of another miracle come true 

Love Anj x x x


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## Trin Trin

Sorry to see you go Anjelissa. I'd like to thank you personally for all your support during my journey trying for a sibling. Take care xx


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## Anjelissa

You are very welcome Trin, thank you for your kind words 
Lots of love and all the best for the future x x x x


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## Crazy_frog

Sorry to hear this, just wanted to wish you well.


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## Carter4

Yahoooo, been reading when I can ladies! 

Thank you all for the congratulatory messages, it means a lot it really does.

KL - I was in hospital for a week. My birth story was quite dramatic, and I am consequently very anti the hospital, as a result of my dreadful experience. It genuinely was a bit of a close call for Jess. We are also meeting with the Birthing Afterthoughts team, to vent, seek clarification, and establish whether a complaint is worth our time. How are you fairing though? Have you been able to meet with your donor?

Sasha - The girls are thriving now ta, had some initial weight loss. It's mummy and daddy who aren't fairing so well, ha! How are you? Has the ms eased off?

Trin - Hope you first week of DR has gone tickety-boo? Pray this is the one for you.

caro - Sorry to hear that you had a naff first birth experience. Not sure whether we are doing the right thing pursuing this or not, but we need some kind of closure either way.

Crazy - Head mw was part of the problem! Not long until you get going again, fx.

Penelope - Good to hear from you old buddy. I plan to keep checking here too!

 Angie you've been a brilliant support to us 'Trying Again' ladies.

Love to you all, hope to hear from some of you soon xxxx


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## Sasha1973

Hello ladies  

Carter lovely to hear that the girls are doing well. I can understand you needing to at least try and get some sort of closure after your hospital experience, I hope you manage to get some answers and some peace from it.

Anjelissa sorry to hear you're leaving us, you've been a great support for us here, I wish you all the best x

Penelope thank you so much for the congratulations 

Trin how are you doing with downregging is everything going to plan so far? Very pleased for you that you're back on the treatment again and keeping everything crossed that this is the successful one for you. Thank you so much for your kind words I'm glad I can give some hope to us over 40's I'll be here to support you all the way. 

L_ouise welcome to the thread it's nice to have a newbie with us, we're all at different stages but very supportive of each other nonetheless 

Klconfused I hope the abscess has healed now and you are feeling well. Have you had your review, how did you get on? I'm glad Adam is back with you. 

Crazyfrog How are you doing? I remember you were having a busy month, how are things now?

Caro sorry the clinic didn't wirk out for you. Have you got your dates through for cycling again? Crossing everything that this is your time. 

I'd just like to say what a lovely group of ladies you are and so supportive, I'm so glad I've managed to give hope to you. I'm feeling a lot lot better now and starting to enjoy this pregnancy which is a massive relief. I went for the 12 week scan on Wednesday and both little ones are doing extremely well - twin 1 is a day ahead and twin 2 is 2 days ahead so I have a couple of string ones there - that always surprises me considering they (and Noah) all came from very fragmented embryos, it does go to show that any embryo can work. The unchallenged measurements looked ok so we're just waiting for confirmation with the blood test about our Downs risk but I'm expecting that to be ok. I've been referred to a twins specialist for next week now so they're taking good care of us. I'm hoping you'll all be able to join me with good news very soon xxx


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## Sasha1973

Caro that was meant to say clomid not clinic, sorry!


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## KLconfused

Hi all, sorry ive been so absent. Daughter was ill again and had another febrile convulsion which was as scary as the last time. I guess ive been feeling low and thinking if I cant say anything positive I should stay away!

Carter - the birth sounds difficult and its important to make a complaint to try to stop it happening to anyone else. Although im sure you will be glad to  put this completely behind you when that's over. 

Trin - hows the downreg going? Ive never done a downreg so how long will it be until you start growing the eggs and have you done any immunes tests or treatment so far? Also what happened with the recurrent miscarriage clinic and the karyotyping results? So many questions sorry!

Sasha - so many congrats on the twins. your the first on here for a while to get past the 12 week mark. Hopefully that's a new trend. Im so jealous! Ive sent you a private PM with a couple of questions on your treatment, I hope you don't mind. 

Caro - how are things?

Dolphins - we haven't heard from you for ages, how is your son and has he had his assessment? 

Crazy and Louise - I think there will be a few of us cycling around August. Going to get busy again. 

Angie - thanks for your help over the years on here and good luck with whatever is next for you. 

AFM - got the results of the tests on both miscarriages. Both were girls which has crushed us as we have a daughter and would love another. Both came back genetically normal although it seems they don't actually test for much. Clinic still think there was a genetic abnormality with the latest miscarriage and that last years was immunes. 
I did see my donor last month although it was hard to explain why I ovulated 10 days later than normal as he doesn't know I had a miscarriage. He 'might' be available this month so we shall see. Got af a few days ago so no luck again though. 
We had our followup with ARGC yesterday. We had decided on donor sperm and that was definite. But the doctor said its worth still trying with hubbies. But it cost £16k last cycle. We have 1 more go and that's it so were thinking throw everything at this one. Im looking for a donor but of course I have to be cmv negative so donors are limited and its sooooo expensive! Hubbie was so angry after the meeting as he wants them to admit the sperm aren't great but they just dismiss them as they always have. At the moment I find myself struggling to make a decision. The other day I couldn't even decide between a Panini or a jacket potato for lunch and when I did choose I think I chose the wrong one. Doc said they were happy with my eggs quantity and quality so they wont change anything with my meds but they may put me on ivig instead of intralipids.  If we do exactly the same thing though and use hubbies sperm how is that going to be any different?? I just don't know. we were both very happy with donor sperm but now they put this option back on the table were back to square 1. 
Anyway assuming we make a decision on donor and I can get the sperm to the clinic in time we should be starting again in about 3 weeks.  Im dreading it. Its so intensive and I just don't feel positive about it. It is like a round about I cant get off. I was all set for donor embryos until we had yesterdays meeting and they say my eggs are fine and the sperm is usable. How can anyone press the stop button when you have the clinic dangling the carrot at you all the time. 

Any advice appreciated. 

I told you I couldn't say much positive so stayed away! sorry

Hi to every one else.


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## Crazy_frog

Carter, good to hear you're all doing ok. It sounds like the after birth service may be good idea for support, venting and closure (hopefully). Sorry head midwife was involved, there's still others within hospital who should be available if needed. I hope you find it helpful, and remember there's no rush- it's when you feel ready. Hope home life is wonderful. 
Sasha, great news about your 12 weeks scan. How exciting and I hope you're feeling better now. You are hopefully the change in luck!! Take it easy, I hear the weather is very hot in uk so make sure you're looking after yourself. 
Kl, sorry to hear your daughter has been poorly. I hope she's on the mend now and you're able to relax again, well a little?! I guess mixed feelings about test results and donor issues. I hope your doing ok and processing it all as you can. I don't think you always have to be positive, you're allowed blips along the way, So don't feel you have to stay away. 
Trin, Caro and dolphins, hi- hope all well for you. 
Afm- mad month....review was ok, wedding (well conversion) and party went well, trip away to Alton towers was good (safest ever time to go !!) and now we're away (missing the heat wave in uk...). Currently started pill and will be starting next month, awaiting letter on our return regarding how long to take pill for and then hope Af shows somewhere near on time.....


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## Anjelissa

Thank you all so much for your kind words 
I wish you all lots and lots and lots and lots of luck, and miracles a plenty 

Love Anj x x x


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## Sasha1973

Hello ladies, how is everyone? It's been so quiet on here lately. 

Crazy congratulations on your wedding conversion   Very exciting that you're starting again next month, I'll be here to support you and crossing my fingers. I'm hoping too that I'm the start of positive news for you all xx

Klconfused how is your DD now? I hope she's better, that must've been such a worrying time for you. I hope you managed to make a decision regarding donors that you're comfortable with. You should never feel like you need to stay away from this board whether you feel negative or not, we're all here to support each other through the good times and the rough. Always here for you and you're welcome to PM me anytime xx

How is everyone else doing? I'm sure we've got a few ladies starting treatment soon, wishing you all the best. 

I'm 14 weeks today and feeling so much better sickness-wise, sometimes it's hard to believe this is really happening! Only a few more weeks until we can find out what we're having, I can't wait!


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## Trin Trin

Hi everyone

Carter lovely to hear from you and thank you for checking up on us to see how we're doing. Hope the girls are doing well. You must feel so content now.

Crazy - Congratulations with the marriage conversion!! So pleased for you both how lovely. Are you getting ready to start again. Can't remember if you do the long or short protocol?

Sasha - Fan news re the sickness so glad it's starting to ease off and you can now enjoy your pregnancy. I really hope you've started a trend as kl is right, all pregnancies on here since Carter sadly did not progress as far as 12 weeks. Here's hoping....look forward to know what you're having.

Caro - hope all is well my love. Do you know when you'll be starting again?

Dolphins - hope you're little one is doing okay....

Kl - How's it going? Did you make a decision regarding using the donor or choosing one? It's hard to decide and I'm sure you'll both make the decision which feels right for you both. Sorry to hear meeting with your donor was not a success. Well I hope you'll be underway as planned in a couple of weeks. I know how you're feeling when you say you're being and feeling negative. I totally feel drained and really fed up and frustrated with all of this now. I think about my miscarriage lots especially as my managers baby is due 9 days before I'd be due. It just hurts and it's hard to deal with sometimes.

AFM - I'm just really fed up, which is why I haven't posted anything or been on here. So much has gone on and it's too long for all the detail. Short version is I've made a formal complaint against the Nhs regarding how my miscarriage was handled. They promised to do karyotyping, told me all was ok but when I asked for a letter to confirm it was quite clear they hadn't done it!! They apologised in writing then referred me to the miscarriage specialist who would perform a test on me. Went to the appointment and I was scheduled to see a MIDWIFE!! I went crazy and demanded to see Consultant......only to be told the content of apology was incorrect and they cannot perform an adequate test without the karyotyping being done on baby!! I could have done this privately and paid - NHS always lets me down!

Anyway, I've down regged now and started the stims on Tuesday. This cycle will be with intralipid a week before collection, if I get pregnant another intralipid and another just before 12 weeks. then I'll be on clexane, steroids and the usual asprin and pessaries which if pregnant continues also until 12 weeks. I've felt really down could be the meds and can't help thinking what could have been. Last cycle was such a roller coaster I'm scared if this works will it last, if it doesn't work then what? I just want to have a bit of luck..feel I've had a fair share of heartbreak. Sorry to be so depressing. EC is estimated for 22nd depending on how these follies behave. 

Just trying my best to think positively....we'll see. I'll keep you all updated xx


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## wibble-wobble

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=337461.new#new

New thread this way ^^^


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