# toddler randomly pushing other children over!!!!!



## Mum to a gorgeous cherub (Jan 3, 2004)

Hi,

I don't think this is adoption related but I thought I would ask in here...

My cherub who is 2 years 4 months has just started to randomly push other children whilst out playing   My HV has advised me to make a fuss of the victim but this is not really an option when the child is unknown and their mother comes along and comforts their child (rightly so) Hoping it is a phase... They say to ignore bad behaviour but you can't ignore that. He point blankly refuses to say sorry and has sat in the corner for 45 minutes and still refused to say sorry   He is a gorgeous boy in many many ways oh apart from when he throws his toys around the room when frustrated with them  

Any advice would be very appreciated. It is soo hard, I love him more than life itself but hate it when he behaves aggressively  

Many thanks

xxx

p.s he was placed at 12 months


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi,

sounds like you're doing the right thing with the time-out. But I remember on a parenting course we discussed whether making a child say sorry was useful/constructive. The "experts" advised us that it wasn't....at least not until they are a bit older. My little man is 4 and a half and still i don't think he understands what sorry is about. for example he thinks it should stop you from being in pain when he's dived on you and bashed your nose with his head.....and then gets upset that his saying sorry hasn't fixed everything. am waffling now but maybe see if totally ignoring him for his alloted time-put time is enough?? And maybe just ask him once to say sorry, but don't make more of it than that.....its all attention to them afterall and that's what you don't want to be giving him just then.

hope this helps,
xxruthie

PS i agree with you that its not likely to be anything to do with him being adopted....just being a 2 year old!


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## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

He sounds like my little bear!!!!

LB was placed at 17 months and as far as he was concerned pushing other kids over was an acceptable form of greeting!! I started catching him before he did it as much as possible and saying "no we don't push children over" it became very embarrassing! He only pushed smaller children and I found that it eventually stopped by itself. He is 2 now and I can't remember when it stopped. Most of my friends children are a year older than him and he soon realised that he couldn't push the bigger boys and after he had been at the receiving end a few times I think he just learned the law of the playground!  

I firmly believe that it is a phase. It certainly was for us. However I do remember the excruciating embarrassment at the time.  

I try to get him to empathise with his cuddly toys (which he loves) when he throws them around I saw "No you must look after teddy, pooh, rabbit etc" "Teddy needs a cuddle now" in the hope that if he can be gentle with his toys he might be more gentle with other children. I don't know whether this has worked but he has stopped pushing kids.

Hope this waffle helps,

 Good luck Shivster


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## Junnie (May 17, 2008)

Sorry just couldnt read and run..


You know I used to do this when i was a kid.. Man I used to just walk up to kids and shove them! HARD!

But actually it was something i saw on TV.. and my dad and his mates used to roughhouse.. (my parents were 18 when they had me) So this could also be a learned behaviour. 

My mom said she spent 6months HUGGING my dad infront of me so that i learned to be nice!


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

I deffo think its a stage they go through & you are doing the right things by talking to him straight away when its happened and praising good behaviour.

Keep up the good work!!

Andrea
x


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

I had to sign an accident form at nursery the other day, as M had been bitten - but it transpired that the reason she had been bitten was because she had got the other baby in a headlock in the ballpit...

v embarrassing...

I think she has stopped doing that too......

I think they all go through phases of pushing/biting/hitting, and they do mostly grow out of it i think!!


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## TraceyH (Apr 14, 2004)

Hi

I would also agree that pushing is just a phase.  We have been through it and our little one still does it occasionally (he has just turned 3). He is quite teritorial and does not like people being in his space. We told him that it was not kind (a phase they use at nursery as they are not allowed to use the naughty word apparently) and if he persistently did it then didn't let him have a treat or his bedtime story, which he absolutely loves.  Don't worry too much even though it can be embarrassing at times.

Tracey x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Tracey - We are not supposed to use the word "naughty" as this is labeling children & they then become know as the naughty ones in fact what they are doing is quite normal, something all toddlers do & its the behaviour that they are doing that is unkind so that is why we say its unkind rather than naughty.

At my work place we use "choice of words".......this basically means we don't call children naughty or silly or anything that could label them and for them to think that is what they are.  Instead if someone has used unkind words/actions then we ask them to look at the child they have said or done something to and ask them how that child might be feeling and how they could make that child better ......... 9 times out of 10 they say sorry & they don't do it again......its a great how it works and difficult to explain what we do!!

Mum to a gorgeous cherub - hope things have improved!

Andrea
x


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## Mum to a gorgeous cherub (Jan 3, 2004)

Thank you everyone who has taken the time to reply  

We have had a good day today, long play at the park with no pushing and had to wait to use the slide  

I have been getting very cross with him but have promised myself that I will keep calm with him, today I have kept my promise, hopefully tomorrow will be the same. 

Iam usually a very calm and not easily angered person but my cherub has angered and challenged me in ways I never thought possible  

Love him to bits tho  

Thanks again xx


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