# Starting IVF at 39



## namastesam (Jun 26, 2014)

Hi Guys! 

Great forum and you all seem so friendly. You don't always get that  

I'm about to start in a few weeks with injections and I'm in a tough situation. Hubby really wants kids and I'm not desperate at all. However, I'd love kids in the future so feel I have to give this a go as it's my last chance for IVF (unless I go private and paying is even tougher when you're not desperate!). 

Please don't take me wrong, I know some will say I shouldn't do this unless I'm 100% certain. I can't admit to that in truth. However, I'm not doing it for my husband solely, I'm not that selfless. I feel I owe it to myself to at least try and fate will take over. If it's supposed to work it will and so on  I have moment, however, when I think I'd LOVE to be a Mum. That's why I don't want to risk not trying. 

Anyway, I've never fallen pregnant naturally and although I have PCOS on one side only, they don't think that would stop fertility. I have low body fat so that could factor. 

I wonder how likely it is to work and ask, has anyone been in a similar situation and fallen pregnant?


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Welcome honey  

I can't say i'm in the same position as I would probably give away my house if it meant I could be a mum at the moment, but im sure everyone feels differently.

Treatment is tough but just remember to be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. If you have a look at the Useful Threads thread you will find links to some useful information and top tips.

Also, check out the Cycle Buddies section (link on the main page) and you can talk to other ladies at the exact same stage as you: they are separated into months.

Good luck xxx


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## namastesam (Jun 26, 2014)

Awwww, thank you for the lovely, warm reply. 

I know, I'm probably not in many peoples position. It's been a very tough call for me. 

I'd love to know if anyone has been in a similar situation


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## alyson76 (Mar 7, 2015)

Hi, I am in a bit of a different situation where I am desperate for a child whereas DP wants a family, just not as desperate as me. But I am also 39 and am currently in my TWW with IVF. Its my first time as  well. Fr me its been a daunting and long experience, but I currently have 2 embies on board hoping that they stick.
Sometimes you can get to a point and think it could be now or never. As the girls at my work says 'What's for you wont go past you'.
The treatment is not the easiest but even at our age you can come through it. We are all on here for the same reason one way or another, but Im sure if you have a question someone will have an answer 

Best of luck xx


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## namastesam (Jun 26, 2014)

Ah bless you. 

But what's a DP and a TWW?


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## Sally_76 (Nov 20, 2014)

I am 38 and in a similar boat.  TWW is two week wait i.e. after embryos are transferred waiting to find out if you're pregnant....not sure about DP though! x


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## andade (Oct 29, 2012)

Hi Namastesam,

First thing you need to do is not measure yourself to other females. Some women know that they wanchildren from an early age and others much later.  There are no hard and fast rules in terms of how much you should want a child.

There are women on this forum in their early twenties who have been trying to conceive for a few years and there are women in their forties who are jumping in for the first time!  AFM, I wasn't ready at 21 to have children but I have friends who were ready.  I just turned 41  and I hope to embark on my first IVF  treatment cycle later this year.  Until I found out around 10/11 years ago that I  couldn't conceive naturally, I didn't have a serious urge to have children as I always thought it would happen.  Had I known it would be years of various obstacles  and that I still wouldn't have even started treatment at my age, I might have taken it more seriously.  I also took some time out a round 5 years ago as it all got too much but I  never foresaw all the gynaecological probe to come.

You have to do what is right for you and don't worry about what other people think. You are embarking on this journey and you will receive nothing but support and advice from the great people on FF.
You will encounter people facing their own dilemmas about treatment, what routes to take etc.  Everyone is on their own journey.
Good luck with your impending treatment.  
P.S 
DP = dear partner
TWW = two week wait until a test can be taken to see if someone is pregnant

There is list of abbreviations in the introductory thread.


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## King123 (Mar 22, 2015)

Hi
I am 43 year having IVF.  I have been a single Mum to my two boys for 13 years now and love them to pieces.  They are 15 and 13.  I had hoped to meet someone when I was younger and have more children as I love my family and miss those babies.  I met someone a year ago 7 years my junior who has one daughter who is 11.  So between us we have 3 beautiful children and are blessed.  He had always wanted to have more children but his wife hadn't and I had always wanted to have more children so we decided to add one more to the mix as we love our children and enjoy a great family life.  One more will only ever be super loved as the others are older and mostly doing their own thing now I am a taxi service.  I know people on here know I am lucky and why would I want more when they are struggling to have one but I do as when and I know its only a when it happens you will know why.  I started the process and I was told only 3 follicles,  its a 6% chance but we are blessed so we knew that if this doesn't happen we are lucky.  I managed to get to ER and they got two little eggs,  my partner managed to fertilise them and we had two fractured embryos ready for ET last Monday.  I am now on the 2ww and I have never felt emotion like it.  Every twinge,  every nauseous feeling,  every little thing makes me paranoid and I look at what I have and I look at the couples going through this without children,  longing to make a family and I have the greatest respect,  support,  admiration and even if this doesnt work out for our little unit who by the way are over excited that this may happen,  I will have had an insight into a world that I had never really known was here.  My sister had 4 IVFs failed,  2 success stories and now is pregnant naturally and I never realised what she went through until now.  So if anything I want to wish every couple whatever your make up every success in this very rewarding or unrewarding as the case may be my support and best wishes.  I am giving this one go but when I leave the IVF world there will be a place in my heart for all those people who struggle daily with this problem and I just hope you all get BFPs.  I hope you don't mind me writing and I feel a fraud as we have children.  I long for my little fractured embryos to make it and I want them both to make it and even multiple pregnancy would be welcome in our unit.  Good Luck Guys and I love reading all your stories x


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

being 'ready' to be a parent is a weird thing. I have been through a long tough journey to get to where i am now - my baby is nearly 1 - and i still looked at him yesterday (he's nearly walking) and thought oh god i am not ready for the responsibility of being a parent! It was different when i thought i was getting a baby i thought he'd be a baby for ages but the time has flown by in a blink. You can't rely on waiting to feel 'ready'.... (though of course it helps) because you might feel ready one minute and not the next for years... or never quite think you can do it. It is better to start IVF as young as possible because it improves your chances. Living with regret at not trying is something you can't undo. Good luck.


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## Guest (Mar 28, 2015)

Hi Namastesam, all the more reason to have a go now if you're not desperate!   My first ivf was last year when I was 39 and it did work altho I had a miscarriage later, so I think you've got good chances. Anyway I just wanted to wish you all the best   xx


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## namastesam (Jun 26, 2014)

Thanks for all these replies. 

The more I think about it, the more I just dread the prospect of IVF. I really don't know that this is for me


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## MoonGazer (Jan 2, 2013)

namastesam said:


> Thanks for all these replies.
> 
> The more I think about it, the more I just dread the prospect of IVF. I really don't know that this is for me


(((hugs)))

Maybe speak with a clinic or book an appointment for a chat? You can talk about your worries and fears and just have an informal chat about things and see if it is for you x


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## namastesam (Jun 26, 2014)

I'm literally due to start next month, Moongazer.

Been to all the appointments etc and I sit there feeling like I'm out of place


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

you aren't supposed to feel like it is for you. that would be like volunteering for root canal work at the dentist or having a kidney removed 'just for fun'. It's a medical procedure, the point is that you decide if you want to take the risk based on the potential gain. For me, the prize was too big to say no. But i didn't sit there thinking 'yippee, IVF, what fun'. I felt sad and anxious and let down by the world and bad that i was somehow weird and unable to just pop babies out whenever i wanted. But i knew i would feel even sadder with a lifetime of regret.

good luck!        nobody gets a guarantee but to win the lottery you have to have a ticket.


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## Trunky (Jul 26, 2013)

goldbunny said:


> you aren't supposed to feel like it is for you. that would be like volunteering for root canal work at the dentist or having a kidney removed 'just for fun'. It's a medical procedure, the point is that you decide if you want to take the risk based on the potential gain. For me, the prize was too big to say no. But i didn't sit there thinking 'yippee, IVF, what fun'. I felt sad and anxious and let down by the world and bad that i was somehow weird and unable to just pop babies out whenever i wanted. But i knew i would feel even sadder with a lifetime of regret.
> 
> good luck!       nobody gets a guarantee but to win the lottery you have to have a ticket.


Excellent post 

I'm different too. I'm not naturally maternal. I've never felt the burning desire to procreate. I'm a tomboy of the highest order - I'm much happier under a bonnet than in a spa (although do sew and knit avidly) My husband on the other hand is a lovely man and wants nothing more than to have a child. How utterly unfair then that he has been hit with the Klinefelters stick! I do want a family - we're not sure how we're going to get there yet but we're giving the old IVF a go and seeing if it will work.

I won't lie. It's horrible. Vile. Painful, stressful, expensive, invasive... But it's our only chance. So we're having a crack at it.

I sit in the waiting room in my hoodie and jeans with the other women in neat work suits and smart clothes, and try to find the humour in all the horrible situations and I think generally drive my clinic up the wall. I'm a scientist so understand most of the processes; I use needles and syringes frequently so that bit has been a bit like playing Dr. I have said to my clinic that by now I'm sure I qualify for some medical qualification - honorary gynae perhaps? 

Nobody ever goes 'yippee I'm doing IVF' because it's awful. But plenty of women - normal women, and the not so normal, like me do it. And it works. For some. Not for others.

But at the end of the day it's a chance that many people wouldn't get in nature. So you've got to give it a go really 

PS - I went into it a complete medical phobic. I wouldn't eat for a week before a Dr's appointment. Now I don't give it a second thought. For me it came down to whether I would regret it if I didn't try. And I would. So I have. At least then I can walk away saying I did all I could reasonably and it wasn't to be.


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Personally I didn't find IVF all that bad, despite the OHSS!  

For me the worry about it all was so much worse than doing it. I'm not saying it was easy, but for me doing treatment is preferable to not doing it. Whilst I am in limbo, and not doing treatment, I am in a position where I cannot change the path my life is going on. Once I started treatment I felt like I had some control. It's not total control, I mean I couldn't make the follies grow, eggs fertilise, or embies stick. But I could mix my meds, do my injections, eat healthy food, drink plenty of water; and for the first time in my life actually listen to my body and for once not fight feelings of tiredness etc.

I actually felt out of place until I had my first failed cycle to be honest. I now feel comfortable with the nurses and the clinic, and I understand the process and all the different ways it can turn out. Before I started treatment i felt like everyone knew what they were doing, and no-one else felt like I did: and I couldn't ever imagine being pregnant.

However, I coped one day at a time and tried to 'embrace' it as a journey, like a crazy magical mystery tour. When I finished my first cycle, whilst in the 2ww and even when i knew it was all over, I clearly remember talking to my mum and saying "I'm glad I have done it, and I would definately do it again". 

You haven't got to fit a mold, everyone feels like this at some point - even those people who feel super excited about it have their moments of doubt. I felt excited, but it doesn't mean I wasn't completely and utterly terrified.

I hope you have a friend you can talk to who can treat you to cake and coffee  

Maybe have a look at the cycle buddies section (or your clinics chat thread) and join in the conversation there, it might help you to feel better about how you feel  

Xxx


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## WannaBFP (Nov 11, 2014)

Hi namastesam   I never thought I wanted children either, but all my miscarriages built up to a coulda woulda shoulda had 6 kids by now and I'm miffed! I'm 41 and on 2ww after IVF. I can only echo what others have said, to go through ivf is horrendous, and that's when it works! I couldn't begin to understand the grief you feel if it doesn't. And I LOATHE Drs. Give me injections any day over someone that raises more questions than they answer. I hope you find some answers xxx


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