# Making ends meet



## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

Hi everyone,

I am trying to work out the financial aspect of doing it alone.  I always seem to have too many bills to pay and if I decide to go ahead, I am freelance, will realistically struggle to pull in 20K gross which doesn't really cover my basic expenses at the moment.  I have a mortgage in London.  Can anyone share their experience of making ends meet on their own (by which I mean no Mother or Sister or close friends to call on for regular help or childcare etc etc), and any issues or creative solutions you have found that you weren't aware of or didn't think of before?

Thx everyone
P


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## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

Hi pattycake,
i shop at aldi and where gas and electric bills are concerned, even through the winter i had heating on from 8am-9am and 8pm-9.30pm. kept blankets in cupboards downstairs for anyone who was cold. 
tried to stop unneccesary trips in the car to minimise diesel usage. didnt plan day trips, no socialising ie pictures, pub, nights out. got rid of sky. stuck to my shopping list meticulously (usually impulse shopper) even though that is very difficult. cut out treat foods, only bought to replace what we needed, not what we wanted. saved all the money up in a tin with a book to keep account of everything i was puttibg in there. never, ever broke into the tin. walked around in shies with holes in for 6 months, including rainy days. it was hard going. but it is possible, if you are disciplined enough. my ICSI was £5.000. at the time and it took me 11 months to save it up.  but i got there and he is now 6 yrs old. i feel it was worth it 

hope this helps, good luck  
jade 
xxxxxxx


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## ElsieMay (Mar 17, 2007)

Hi Pattycake
I earn a bit less than you and have one 5 year old girl.  We live pay check to pay check and have no family near by.  I use Tesco rewards for days out.  To be honest if any thing broke in the house I would have to ask my parents to help.  
Have a look at tax credits, on 20k you will get 60-70% of child care paid and approx. £2.5k in additional tax credits plus child benefit.
Is moving out of London and commuting in when you need to an option as this will reduce your mortgage?
EM


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## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

Thanks both.  Great to get your points of view.

I had a look on .gov but couldn't see any assistance I would get, so thanks for pointing that out.  
I can't move out of London unfortunately.  What do you think of the idea of an au pair for a year or two?  It might allow me to work without so much worry, and have some help around the flat?  I have a spare room so it is possible. 
I have been very careful with money paying off treatment, but that is on so much more salary, and I am always in my overdraft as it is.  Sometimes I wonder how I will cope and if it is fair on myself or a child if I don't have a clear plan for financial safety. I would feel different if I had a sister or cousin but I don't.


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## LuckyE (Dec 9, 2013)

Hi pattycake I really hear your concerns. I am freelance too but have no idea how much i will earn next year so am keen to see your responses.

The ideal solution would be hooking up with other single FFs in the same are and share the burden.


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## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

Try putting your details into turn2us.org.uk

I am also freelance but when I was planning the single motherhood route before, while I had a full time job, it actually turned out that I was worse off than being freelance and on less money. With tax credits and child benefit you will probably be able to cover the basics, and you will work the rest out!

/links


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## KerriJo (Jun 25, 2011)

Hello,

I am on my own with a 20 month old and yes it is tight. I work part time. We have a very strict food shop each week, and are lucky enough to be given hand me downs by friends so a huge saving on clothes. We go to the park lots for free activities and get involved in family centre activities which are also free. 

It is tight but definitely do-able. 

KerriJo


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## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

OK, good points.  Do you cook differently from before?  What would a typical day be for meals for example?  Also, how do you cope if you get sick or need urgent help?,


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## Jacobsmum (Feb 23, 2013)

Hi

posting on this thread as well as the other one - didn't see your new questions here.

Financially, you get by. One thing I saw - I think on the adoption threads here - was a single mum-to-be who did a whole lot of shopping for non-perishables in the run up to adoption by buying things on offer and having a pile of spares (tinned or dryed goods, laundry, cleaning etc). This sounded sensible to me (but too late to actually do it!) since I also find the practicalities of shopping with a little one mean I can't carry as much... 

In terms of what a baby needs - accept gifts/ seconds from all and any source! People love buying things for a new baby, and also look at second hand/charity shops/ ebay. Little babies often go through stuff so quickly that they sometimes barely wear it. You frequently find things for babies with the tags still on them - gifts bought and sent and baby already in the next size up of clothes... There is a whole lot of 'stuff' marketed for babies that you don't actually need - and some quite expensive kit that can work for one child but another will scream and scream if you try it. Eg swing seat - I got given one, and J liked it! It meant I could put him in it and he'd be happy while I had a shower! I could see him (on floor), he could see me. Brilliant. A friend saw it and got a much better model - brand new - and her baby refused to go in it without screaming the place down. Never got used to it - for them it was wasted cash.


Urgent help/ if you get sick: go to ante-natal classes and get to know people. Meet up with folk afterwards. You may meet other single mums, but you will also meet those who have partners and family and loads of support. If NHS classes are not offered local to you, when you are pg find something (antenatal yoga? pilates? aquaerobics?) where you meet other mums-to-be. Don't worry if it is all new to you - and if you are working to the last minute and don't have time (or have difficulties in pregnancy so you can't physically manage to do much) - then just start as soon as you can after baby is born. Does your local library have rhymetime for littlies? Go with baby. Find a local mother (or parent) and baby group - I went to the local health visitor organised breastfeeding group, rhymetime, and NCT new- 9 months group and found a couple of other things I did occasionally. These were all free (or small donation). At these things you will find people you get to know. Some you will get to know well and like. You can bond at a different pace than before - you start out with something in common. I'm not suggesting that everyone you meet will be bossom buddies by 6 weeks, but if you go, go regularly and when you meet someone you like suggest going for coffee/ playdates/ going together to something else then you will get to know people who understand what it is like. If you get sick, these are the people who might be able to help you out (those with partners especially) - but it works both ways - if someone texts to say they can't meet you for a coffee after rhymetime today because they've had an awful night/ little Jo is screaming the place down/ vomitting  - then check they are ok, ask if you could pop round with any shopping/ calpol/ emergency chocolate cake... 

Other sources of help I have found: people with older children; folk I know through church (especially those who have recent experience but no current commitments), neighbours (not always the ones you thought would be helpful).

Cook differently - where to start? in the early days, a whole lot more frozen pasta dishes on 3 for 2 deals from tesco or sainsburys. Way more cake than is sensible (you can get away with a lot when breastfeeding) - this also got me through a lot of the struggling/ getting sick times... You really just have to get on with it for much of the time. Now, I end up putting much more to compost than I ever used to - since he started eating (or I tried to interest him in proper food!) there is way more waste - but it depends on how your child is with food. Mine really didn't see why he shouldn't breastfeed at night, for most of the night, for most of his calories forever. Solid food takes longer! You could be playing instead! and at night you might as well be feeding since mum won't let you do much else... Now I do a lot of pasta - but cook sauces in bulk an freeze portions for days I am at work, so there is something quick for tea when we come home (tomato sauce, tuna sauce, a whole range but based on similar things and out the freezer as we head out the door, in the pan when we come in and tea on the table within 20 mins of taking coats off. I try not to do too many 'kiddy' meals - we basically eat the same 75% of the time at least, and sometimes he has fishfingers if I am having fish he doesn't like. Other times he has an 'extra' of something hideous he wanted in the shop (eg homemade salmon with sweet chilli marinade and stirfry veg and rice, with a side order of Thomas the Tank engine spaghetti shapes). 

Other good places to go are parks (already mentioned I know, but look out for free stuff to do in them - community groups, ranger activity sessions etc), museums (ours has free entry, but for members (I asked for it as a christmas present for me) there is a 20% discount in the cafe), art galleries (often have activities for older kids - one of our local ones was v useful for a while - had a fantastic lift he got obsessed with (no idea why!) and stairs we learnt to go up and down on (shallow tread, thick carpet, shiny tiles on walls - much nicer than the flat stairs which are cold, hard and not very pretty) - calm quiet space to be pushed around in when not wanting to go to sleep... often got him to drop off there). Soft play is sometimes expensive (especially if used often), but someone recommended to me one place locally (Dynamic Earth in Edinburgh), where for annual membership you could use the soft play free. Since annual membership cost £16 this was a bargain. 

I may come back and post some more - but as J is off with a friend I can get on with some cleaning/ tidying etc now. You also learn to make the most of spare minutes....

All best wishes

Jacob's mum x


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## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

Wow! Thank you so much that is really valuable info and exactly the type of things I am stressing about: how on earth will I manage day to day to pay the bills and put food on the table with no income (I won't get maternity leave) and then much lower income.  I totally agree with the buying 2 hand stuff and would do that without thinking.  Baby clothes are ridiculously expensive and not an option for me, and the 2nds are usually good condition because as you say they are barely worn.  Freezing is a good idea, although my flat is TINY and the freezer is small. But making pasta, rice, soup based dishes I guess are healthy and easy.  Same with buying in bulk: wouldn't have loads of space, but maybe a good idea to stash up where I could on tinned stuff and basics, also for the convenience of not having to go out on a snowy day if I don't need to.  I hope I can meet like minded people.  I feel like I will be the odd one out because of doing it single.  Absolutely would help someone in return.  Didn't even think of the shower thing-how can I have a shower on my own if baby doesn't like swing? haha! 
Im still paying off my IVF so feel a great sense of relief when that is done.  £1000 to go.  An ET will rack up another 1k at least.  But yes trying to get debts paid off at least.
What do you think of having a lodger while I have a baby-ok maybe not in the initial weeks, but after that?  Even an overseas student?  It would take care of groceries for the week if I was careful. 
I really appreciate the thought and detail.  And does it get easier?  I mean when they are a bit older do you get more confident?  Or is it always a learning curve?  I guess everything gets more and more expensive as they get older?

xxP


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## even (Apr 15, 2012)

thanks for posting about this.

I spoke to turn2us i think, and another charity.  Neither of them were any help.  I was given their numbers by a helpline that we have at work that's meant to help staff with these kinds of issues.  Totally useless.

My question to them was, when I get pregnant and have kids (I want 2), who will pay my mortgage?  I think benefits will pay the interest but I wanted to KNOW if they would or not, if I had to risk giving up my house.  I know benefits change but all I wanted to know is "what's the situation now, and what has it been historically" as this would help me work out what it was likely to be once I could no longer work (I don't have a permanent job anyway).

CPAG (Child Poverty Action Group) benefit handbooks are available in libraries and that's what professional welfare rights advisors use (or did, maybe that's changed now).  

To be honest, I'm having to work on the basis of the fact that society tends to get quite upset if a parent and their little child(ren) are homeless (unlike single people, who have to put with being homeless and way down on housing waiting lists) so I'm hoping that it will all be ok.  It's the fight to get kids in the first place that I'm worried about


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## some1 (May 13, 2006)

Even - try entering your details on the turn2us website as if you already have your 2 children, their figures, in my experience are pretty accurate.

You can also contact gingerbread (single parents support charity), they have a financial helpline and will be able to give you detailed figures for your situation.  I rang them before I had my two and they were very helpful.

From personal experience, I can tell you that as a single parent, yes you can claim help with your mortgage if you are receiving income support.  I think you will have to wait 13 weeks from starting an income support claim before you become eligible.  It is called ISMI (income support for mortgage interest), it is paid at a standard interest rate (based on the Bank of England rate) and is payable for the interest due on a mortgage of up to £200k (I think), they will not pay interest on any part of that mortgage that was taken out for non-essentials (eg certain home improvements or things like car purchases etc).

Hope this is helpful, let me know if you want any more info

Some1

xx


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## even (Apr 15, 2012)

some1, thanks so much for your post, it's so heartening to have some help at this time.  I had thought of just asking them to run the figures as if i was actually in the situation, but by the time i thought of that i was realising that the other challenges that stand in my way are so big that i needed to concentrate on them.  But thank you very much, i may well come back to you in the future.

my next step is to phone Care fertility clinic this wk and ask them for an appointment.  Done IUI once abroad, very stressful, planning to try it here (even tho so much more expensive).  Can only really afford 2 goes.

thanks once again, i really appreciate it 
ev


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## some1 (May 13, 2006)

You're very welcome even, good luck with sorting your appointment at Care

Some1

xx


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## Lucina (Sep 9, 2012)

Hi even, 

I'm joining this thread a little late but wanted to suggest lining up a meeting with your local Citizens Advice Bureau. They are very good at keeping you informed about the latest government policies and helping you work out the benefits you should receive as a single parent.

I think a lodger is a great idea if you can find the right person. I rented out two rooms in my house when I began trying to conceive on my own, not knowing how many rounds of IVF I would need. Now I have my baby, I still have two lodgers, one of whom is a lovely friend who is a nursery teacher and happy to play with my son for half an hour when she returns from work, which enables me to cook, clean and get things done around the house. It's also wonderful to have someone with whom I can share my little man's daily achievements as he develops., as well as adult conversation to keep me sane! 

There are many local mums' groups set up for buying and selling used baby goods and charity shops are also great. If you budget sensibly you can make ends meet. And a child is priceless. x


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

totally agree you can do it as expensive or as cheap as you want, babies don't need alot of stuff, marketing is just clever at making us feel guilty, rolling an old water bottle round the floor kept my 2 going for ages today


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