# Work



## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

Hi all, 

Those who havent told work about tx... what are you saying to ur employer? 

I have a tricky situation, I see my employers (both female-I have two different jobs) every week, and speak as I would to friends, so if/when I say I have hsptl appt, they ask if im ok, or whats going on (even if i dont need time off) so handing in a dr's note wont quite cut it    So far Ive said ive been having gyne appts, and Im thinking of saying that for ec/et/2ww that Im having a cyst removal, or something similar, BUT where I work (Both jobs) we are all female employees, so Im thinking it wont be the 1st time some1 has had this that has worked for them...    and I know 1 of my employers will google what ever I say and have more information than me    

I am going to ask the clinic what have other people said, but i dont want to tell my employers bcz eventually Ill need mat leave and tbh neither of them would want me to go on mat leave (finding staff to cover etc) Thanks in advance if you can offer any advice... x x


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## christabell (Oct 11, 2010)

I told them I had an ovarian cyst removed and it went down ok!


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

Thank you hun, Think im going to go with that too, il have to do some research x x


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## MAQUIB (Jul 5, 2010)

Hi,
I'm exactly in the same situation. I've told them that I'm having a polyp removed from my uterus.
Just Google all the info and be confident about your answers.
Good luck!
Maqui


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

maqui thanks hun, most people can walk in with a sick note, if only my bosses were men    then i/we wouldnt get asked    x x


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## hatgirl (Jan 7, 2011)

Hi,
I am an employer of 4 ladies, and have had the same problem with my own tx. I didn't want them to know what I was doing - mainly because I was afraid they would ask too many questions & be too sympathetic if it didn't work - I didn't want to be crying all over the place at work! However, in the end, during my 2nd IUI cycle I finally told them - just because I was feeling so ill all the time & they wanted to know why I wasn't taking myself off to the Dr's. It was the best decision I could have made! It's meant that I haven't had to hide how ill or disappointed I'm feeling, and it just feels much better being open with them. I'm usually a very honest person, so it didn't feel right hiding things. I'm now 7 weeks pregnant after 3 failed IUI's and an IVF & have had some traumas with bleeding, which has been very worrying. It would have been so much harder to cope with if they didn't know about it. It has also meant they have understood why I've had to back off any lifting, rather than think I'm just being lazy! It is hard when you are friendly with people at work, but now they all know they are all being wonderful!


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

Hatgirl arh hun, Im so glad ur work has been FAB!    they asked me when I started if i was planning on having children, but i sensed the tone more of 'are u planning to leave us in the lurch for mat leave' maybe me being    but I need mre hours from 1 job to get mat pay, and Ive already asked if some1 goes can I have more hours, I just know I wouldnt get them if I had any intentions of being off for 6 months... x x

My manager has just gone in for an op, exactly what I researched and was going to say that I was going in for, and she is only having 2 days off work and coming back in 6 days after the op, so Ive further researched fibroids, or db has just suggested I take unpaid hol and say Im going away, and Im not even sure if I qualify for sick pay, So with that job, I may say Im going away, save the lies, and tell the other job the cyst/fibroid story...    arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh why is everything so hard? x x


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## The_girl (Dec 11, 2010)

How many days off did you need to have and at what stages?
I am a teacher. Think will start jabs just before Easter holidays but EC etc will be once school starts again :-( I am worried about having too many appointments/days off too


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

haha, Ive just posted on the feb thread about work aisha    x x

the girl- ul prob need time off for scans (if ur clinic like mine, 2 hour wait 4 my baseline scan) I am asking for time off for the 2ww, as both my jobs are quite stressfull but also I have to for instance lift a heavy nhs wheel chair out of the boot of a car, and clean up  etc... and apparently the aftercare advise tells you not to do any housework/hoovering etc in the 2ww, so my jobs wouldnt be getting done    and no heavy lifting... Ive told them Im having gyne procedures and 1 is an op... x x


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

O its such a difficult one!  I am very lucky with my boss he has been totally great.  But i would personally think that having to hide the truth and technically worry about being found out would be even harder.  Good luck to you all. xx


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## Dixie chick (Sep 6, 2010)

I phoned ACAS to ask this question because my boss is a totally indiscreet misogynist and I didn't want everyone at work to know my business nor have this count against me as a female worker.  I wanted something to put on my sick form which wouldn't beg further questions, but ACAS say you mustn't lie or there could be repercussions if they find out (and let's face it, we all want to be telling them we're pg a few months later which might be a give-away!). 

Their suggestion was be truthful but vague. I think I'm going to say I need minor gyne op and then I can take a few day off in the 2ww as 'recovery time'.

Best of luck to everyone,
Dx


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Dixie Chick thats sound advise.  I notice you have a little Jack Russell, whats his name?  I have 2 the one in the picture is Scraggy. xxx


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## MAQUIB (Jul 5, 2010)

Hi,
I tried to book the scans first thing in the morning and 'confessed' to some as pre op appointments and didn't mention others and blamed delays in trains.
I was lucky and didn't have to wait for scans (Queen Mary's Hospital Roehampton).
Then I had 4 days off in total for EC and ET and was back to work today (day after ET).
Good luck!
Maqui


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## The_girl (Dec 11, 2010)

Good luck Maqui.

I keep on trying to figure out when I might need days off for scans etc but is too early for that yet

Whole treatment will start in April. I have two weeks holidays for Easter but EC and ET will be after that.

One step at a time though!


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

Thanks ladies, 

The girl yeah i had my baseline yday an moved on to stimms, and they still cant give me dates for ec and et all depends on how well ur doing etc... 

I think Ive managed to blag it, JUST... Im going to get a sick note saying gyne procedure just to back up my story. If it works     Im just going to say I forgot to take my pill after the op    

TBH I dont think I have to go into any detail to my employers, or that I should feel like I have to, just in the situation that they are friendly and kind, they dont think twice about asking...    But someone has just handed there notice in at job1, she leaves when Im about to go on sick leave, so there are 2 ladies to do 4 ppls job, the girls hours are getting divided by the 3 of us, if i mentioned tx now,
She would have just employed some1 else, this way at least hopefully at some point, qualify for mat pay    at this job with 13 hours I didnt qualify     

maquib                          good luck                          x x


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## The_girl (Dec 11, 2010)

Hoping,
I think we are worrying too much. We should just have aa many days off as we need and when we need them. 

I think I might say I am having a cyst removed or similar


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## MAQUIB (Jul 5, 2010)

Thanks so much for the good wishes.
It's difficult to be able to predict when things will happen. Back in December they had given me the provisionary date of Feb 14 for EC but my follies were slower to grow so it ended up happening on the 18th. I had already told my boss that they were removing the polyp on the 14. So what I did was to say that the lining had to be thick enough so the op had been postponed.
Don't explain too much. It's none of their business. I had the collection on same day as 4 other women and none had told anything at work, just took a mix of sick days and holidays.
Good luck!
Maqui


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

thegirl- think ur right  x x 

maquib-wow, they was only 4 days out tho! I dont think many people tell work as its so personal x x


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Hoping Hi


I have told my work but kind of had little choice.  I have worked there for about 5 years and because of the accumulation of having all the fertility tests and then an ectopic i have obviously had quite a bit of time off.  I work in a small care home for adults with learning dis and because of the nature of the work i do you work closely with others.  Because of this set up everyone knows each other quite well.  I was also the dep manager but struggled with the stress of it all on top of having ivf.  


Personally i think because my work have seen how much i have struggled but still remained committed to my work they have given me quite a bit of support and le way.  They also know that having a baby comes before my work and agree that its only a job!  I know i am very lucky and that not all employers are so good, but everyone's only human and at the end of the day it is only a job! Employers should try and accommodate their staff as this makes for a happier worker, that in turn makes you more committed to your job.  


I don't know i just wander if we should be trying to educate employers? I just know my boss said to me that he has worked with 2 other people who had struggled to have children, he then said i guess they must have felt the same as you.  My experience had obviously given him some idea of how the others must have felt.


I think the nature of the work must be quite a determined factor to weather you tell your boss or not?  Of if you even know your boss, as i guess in big companies you probably don't! Like i said before i know i am lucky. xxxx


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## Dixie chick (Sep 6, 2010)

Hi Coweyes, 

Our JRT is called Dixie (hence the screen name) and she is a terror!  She's so affectionate and loving with us but turns into the Tasmanian devil if she sees a bike, or a black dog, or a horse, or a ... well you get the picture! 

I think employers should see fertility tx in the same way as they do tx for any other chronic condition. They wouldn't think twice if someone needed regular doctor appointments for Crohn's disease etc., but I sometimes think that assisted conception is seen as elective tx, like liposuction or a nose job. My work is very male dominated and they will probably think I'm not committed to my job if I choose to have a family, never mind if I 'choose' to take sick days to get pg in the first place. 

I liked your idea, Hoping, of saying you fell pg after the op, but then I realised I was seething inside because I feel we shouldn't need to make excuses. We shouldn't have to make our pg seem accidental or unplanned just to avoid being considered selfish. Of course that applies to natural conception too. I suppose it's just a drawback of being female which will continue everywhere sexism is still entrenched. Hecky thump, I’ve turned into Germaine Greer!

Okay, i'm off to burn my bra!


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

dixie chick yer mine are a handful, one is only about a year old, she is a jr x.  My neighbour was complaining about her barking today, and while i agree she does bark too much my neighbour has kind of contributed to this!  She has a cat that she adores, basically lives for!! she also allows all the other neighbourhood cats come into her garden.  In the summer they all sit there on her bin with their poor through the fence, swiping at the dogs and  winding them up.  Mind you there not so brave when my cat comes out   , he is a tough old bugger that will fight with anything!  anyhow my dogs are now totally obsessed about it.  She was complaining that her cat will not come into her garden any more as he is old and loosing his sight and now wees down the plug hole in the bathroom instead of going into the garden!!  Even though i feel responsible for the barking i do think she is slightly obsessed by her cat.


Mind you i dont like it, it makes me feel like a bad neighbour.


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

dixie and coweyes,    and dixie it gets my back up too hun,     

I work in a small business (a salon) in job1, and my manager is the owners wife so its her business too, one girl has just come back from mat leave (which kinda makes it worse) coz she said 'oh god, mat leave gos on and on' she has 2 children her self and worked for other ppl when she had mat leave, so im HOPEFULLY going to b asking for something she has got from sumwhere else, think she'd like to keep me at 13 hrs so i wouldnt get paid (if she knew) and ive only been there a year in may, but was on temp til aug, then made permanent.

tricky isnt it, think if it doesnt work, i may well tell them the next time round, when ive got my hours and been there abit longer... 

  x x


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

hoping I also have high prolactin, it was such a pain in the ass having the tests, they could never quite determine if i actually have high prolactin or if it just shows up as high when i have a blood test as the test is sensitive to stress.  Eg if your stressed you prolactin is nat high.  the testing to determine if it was actually high or not went on for blooming ages! Do you take medication for it? I take bromacriptin, but even that, they have never been sure if i needed to take mediation or not!  All a bit nutty. xx


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

hi coweyes, 

My prolactin went down on my 3rd test, but i had to be refered that took 3 months, then 4 weeks for my results then 3 weeks for my clinic to get my letter from the specilist so that took us from aug to dec!!! But at my 1st 2 tests, i had to drive from warrington to liverpool that in its self was a pain and had my tests done right away, then at my 3rd test again i had to drive to liverpool but a diff hopsital but i had to wait 45 mins to see the dr then he went out to an emergancy twice, then the waiting room to have bloods there was 30 people ahead of me, so i think i was less stressed the 3rd time, and the results was 229, so they didnt need to treat me for it or do any further tests  x x


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

O thats cool, well the end result.  Mine is borderline, so i was given the option of being given medication.  Never really been sure if i am doing the right thing or not having medicaion?


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## hoping :) (Feb 3, 2010)

I really wanted med (if it stayed slightly over) as i know it can effect fertility, and Ive spoke to a lady on here who after it was treated she went on to have a little boy. But i know what you mean, taking meds can b abit daunting.    x x


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