# Adoption/IVF??



## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Hi, could I ask your advice ladies?

My partner and I have had 3 unsuccessful attempts at IVF so far, and are currently saving for another attempt.  We are, however, very interested in adoption too, regardless of the outcome of IVF.

However, I have been told that you can't apply to start the adoption process if you are undergoing/going to undergo fertility treatment.  Is this true?  Seems very unfair as I would like more than one child and even if I got pg through IVF I would still love to adopt too.

Do you know if this is right?

Thanks
Love
Tracy
x


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Tracy,

Yes what you have heard is right, most LA's like you to have stopped IVF for 6 months or more! but just phone round becasue some are more open minded than others.

PBMxx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Tracy,
I've sent you a pm.

Take care,
Ever x


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## pi30 (Jun 8, 2005)

Hi Miss tc hun

Dp and I are in the same sitch as you. We are currently having 2nd ivf- and I HATE it!!!!! I overstimmed last time and I am doing the same this time. Really want to look into adoption but I think the LA will turn us down. Have you got any further info?
Love Pi


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Hi ladies
Thanks so much for your replies.

Pi30 - really sorry hunnie, not got any more info really, just the stuff I was sent when I initially required, which basically told me I wasnt eligible as we were planning IVF in the future 

I am sure the ladies on here will have some more advice for you.
Take good care
Love
Tracy
xx


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## lounea (Jun 12, 2005)

Hi,
the 6mth rule seems to be  pretty well across the board.  I know it seems unfair, and Im in a similar situation in that we have just done our first cycle and are on 2ww.  We have always discussed adoption as a positive option and nearly opted for it before even going down the ivf route but decided to give it one go.  
in terms of the waiting although it seems unfair after waiting for years through ivf/trying to conceive, but they have made the rule to prevent couples dropping out after being prep'd/linked/matched/  It is also to ensure you have had time to grieve before starting on the adoption path so you can feel 100% committed.  I struggle with this rule despite working in a related field and understanding the logic behind it. 

hope this helps x and good luck with whatever you decide to do 
L


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## Springtime (Feb 23, 2006)

Hi

OK to be a bit naughty here!

How do the LA know when you finished IVF. Our dr referred us to the first IVF, we then did another which I bet my DR doesn't know about, then changed clinic and referred ourselves for the third. This clinic does not correspond with the GP except in exceptional circumstances. Obviously it would be a risk if they found you had lied but how big a risk is it? 

You sign a consent at the clinics for you information to be passed to GP you don't have to sign it. Even if you do it is only giving access to your GP not any other person/group.

I believe the adoption assessment timescale has reduced drastically though so that helps the wait a bit. I think some people need 6 months others don't as they see IVF as a try before adopti.

Cheers
S


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

If you were doing IVF at the same time as adoption prep and home study I think you would find it very overwhelming.  We have unexplained recurrent miscarriage so it is possible we'll get pregnant again and we would definitely put a hold on the adoption proceedings, even though our chances of keeping the pregnancy aren't massive.

The other thing to think about is the most important thing: the children.  Some people have potential matches identified even while they are doing the preparation and if you were to suddenly get pregnant while a child is waiting to move in with you, think how awful that would be for the child.  Most people would wait at least a year after a baby is born before even thinking about having another one, and I feel the same about an adopted child - if we get a match, we aren't going to try to get pregnant again until the child has been with us a decent length of time.


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## Springtime (Feb 23, 2006)

Hi

I totally agree IVF and Adoption process shouldn't happen concurrently but the 6 month gap between is longer than some people need. Additionally some IVF people are in their early 40s and delaying the adoption process means another year older with implications for the  the age of the child they can adopt which is very important for some people. The child is obviously of paramount importance I didn't mean to imply otherwise.

It just seemed a lot of the assessment is done on trust, because unless your GP has been heavily involved in the process it wouldn't be in their records. If you were a couple not having IVF you could potentially become pregnant at any stage. I bet many couples try like mad through most of the approval process even if they are really reconciled to not having their own child. The fact that third parties are involved in IVF makes it easier for SW to be sure the prospective adoptees are not likely to have their own children. It seems unfair to then put a blanket ban of 6 months on IVF people. How do they assess whether a non IVF person is not acting on an impulse after another AF arrives.

No point ranting I suppose it is what it is.

Regards
S


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## EML (Jul 25, 2005)

Dear All
I hope you won't mind me putting in my two-penneth worth!
We are currently going through the adoption process (Home study just about completed, we are now waiting for a panel date) and we were told during our last visit (it was touched on during the Preparation course) that from now on we should be using 'precautions' until after our child(ren) arrive – even though our history proves that a 'natural' pg would be totally impossible! Of couse, we've ignored them... it just isn't going to happen, but that is how strongly they feel about this.
Also, they often like the adopted child to be the youngest in the family, so if you were to have a biological child, you would have to wait a some years as there are so few babies looking for families and there should be a decent age gap.
I hope I'm not pointing out the obvious and being negative about any plans you might have, but it does pay to be well informed.
Good luck with whatever you decide, and I'd like to wish you well with your new family, however you achieve it.
Love
EML


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi, 
Have been reading this thread and can't resist adding my bit too!
Our story so far is that we finished investigations in March this year which confirmed earlier investigations which indicated that we are very unlikely to ever conceive our own child. We had been talking about what we would do in this situation for a while and felt strongly that IVF was not for us. We contacted our LA and a voluntary organisation almost imediately and met with a positve response. However...it still took us until August to have our LA say they would take our assessment on and we don't start our home study until later this month. The process is slow, and I would advise you start by calling 'agencies' and asking for information and see if you can get on an information evening. At least you'll be further along the line when your 6 months are up. 

I personally wouldn't risk trying to pretend you are further along than you are, I can't imagine it would go down too well if you were to get caught out, you'd also need to make sure your referee's didn't let anything slip! I know the rules seem unfair but I can only guess that they are there because of difficulties in the past (E.G investing time and money in a couple who then change their mind or get pregnant!) which the LA's don't want to see repeated. I can't speak for others but DH and I certainly aren't 'trying like mad' to get pregnant, rather we're enjoying the fact that that pressure is now gone and we will certainly use protection the moment a match is mentioned...despite how unlikely a natual pregnancy would be.

I wish you all the best with whatever decision you reach.
Viva
XXX


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