# How do you know?



## rsm (Aug 20, 2009)

Hi everyone

We have recently been approved and are now at the stage of looking at profiles. 

I'm sure this has been asked before but how did you know a child was right for you? Was it based just on the picture, on the info in the CPR. Was it an emotion led decision rather than a head led decision (if that makes sense)

We haven't seen many profiles at all but a couple we felt were no's for us although it's very hard to explain why - it was just a disconnection I guess when reading the CPR. 


Some people say they see a profile and just 'know' it's their child. Is this the norm or do you think there is some good feeling about it initially and then that feeling grows. 

It seems that choosing to go forward with a particular child is such an important and life changing task that I'm just a bit nervous about making the wrong choices. 

Sorry if this is a bit of a rambling post but I hope you can get the jist of what I'm trying to say and can offer some guidance. 

Thank you all as always - this forum is a life saver !!


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi RSM,

It is a daunting and exciting time - and it obviously feels very weighted.

I think its different for every one of us - some of us believe in "the one" and have to feel it, whereas others its a head decision. There's no right or wrong but I feel strongly that folks should ask more where they don't feel from a profile (but there's nothing that worries them if that makes sense) as after all profiles can be badly written and then see if they still don't wish to pursue.

Our LOs initial profile was very very bare and if we hadn't been able to ask Qs of his SW, I'm not sure if we would have pursued and he is the perfect match for us in every way.

This recent thread has different views.
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=329228.0

Good luck x

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=329228.0


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

RSM, I don't think there's one right answer, because different people form relationships in different ways.    Try not to stress it too much and take it step by step.  For us, our link to Bug was a gut-wrenching falling-love-moment from reading his scrappy profile, but we're not expecting the same to happen again this time necessarily.    Good luck!


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

I don't think we 'knew' until we met little pink's social worker and family finder. They brought her to life and I suddenly realised I was grinning like a fool and so was the daddy to be!! Until that point it was more head leading us... There was no reason not to pursue the link. We were comfortable with the history, medical, the contact agreements, she was in our age range and was definitely amazingly beautiful! So we had a linking meeting and there and then the deal was sealed, we had to be her mummy and daddy xxx


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## rsm (Aug 20, 2009)

Thanks so much everyone and thanks GERTIE179 for posting those other links.

We've known when it's a definite no so I guess when it feels right is when it won't feel like the no's !!!


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## rsm (Aug 20, 2009)

Just thought I'd update you to say I got the answer to my how do you know question yesterday!!

We read a CPR and I was in tears at the third line and hadn't even read anything bad yet!! OH and I both agreed this felt like a perfect match and can't stop thinking about this LO  - now we just sit and wait I suppose. 

It also put my mind at rest that because I had this reaction it meant that the other profiles we had said no to was absolutely the right thing to do.


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

RSM that's wonderful, you've put a huge grin on my face.    Everything crossed that this is the one for you.    What happens next?


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Good luck RSM. That's really great xx


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

That's amazing news, when you know you know, no matter what stage in the process your at. Wow!! So, what's happening next? Feeling excited for you


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## rsm (Aug 20, 2009)

Ahh thanks girls. What happens next is we waited to see if LO's social worker liked our PAR which they did and now have arranged a date to meet us !!!


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

*high five*


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Eek!!! Brilliant news, you'll have to keep us posted!


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## rsm (Aug 20, 2009)

Omg I will definitely keep you all posted. 

I just can't believe its all happened so quickly. I'm in a bit of a daze from it all !!


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