# Feeling low



## sarylou (Aug 6, 2006)

I dont know where to put this really, and dont know what to put really but just wanted to get it out iykwim.I thought about puttin it in inbetween treatment but im not having tx yet, im lost i dont know where i fit in anymore. 
I feel low hence title, but i cant shake it or explain it really. 
Im not making much sense here I apologise. 
I had my cd2 bloods taken yesterday and thankfully we managed to get it done at outpatients not the antenatal ward-that was a huge issue for me. 
Im also having cd21 done there and the following months too.

However I just have this feeling that its all pointless. That i will be told I either ovulated and there is nothing more they can do for us-the cons said if i ov ok then as I have ds already they will not continue looking into it and i will have unexplained inf and if we want treatment, she mentioned ivf then its self funded from here on in. 
If I dont ovulate then they may give me clomid but thats not a guarentee as again i have ds. 

Just feel lost and hopeless. Maybe its because af arrived a week late and I got my hopes up, maybe im just preparing myself for what will happen i dont know but I feel awful and teary all the time. 
Sorry for the long post.


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## Mama Smurf (Nov 5, 2006)

Hi Sarylou have sent you a PM 

Linda XX


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## emilycaitlin (Mar 7, 2006)

Sarylou,

  Are they going to test your dh aswell?  They need to make sure he hasn't got any problems.  See what they say at the clinic, but keep pushing them. It seems these days that the louder you shout, the more likely you are to get heard.


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## sarylou (Aug 6, 2006)

thanks girls. I was having a down day-think im working too hard and just getting myself worked up. 
Yes dp has had his s/a-infact the cons mentioned it at our appointment and said it doesnt need redoing as it was 100% and a v high number she even said they are all super swimmers so i sat their thinking great its me as if a huge sign appeared over head saying its your fault you cant concieve. 
I think i just find it hard to not get jealous when i see and hear of some ttc less than me and being given more help etc regardless of how many children already. I know some one who has 4 already and wants #5 with her new bf and she is already being offered clomid as its been nearly a yr for them ttc. Im just a bitter person lately and hate who im becoming.


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## emilycaitlin (Mar 7, 2006)

I've sent you a pm


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## still_hoping (Jan 23, 2007)

Hi I am so sorry that you are feeling so down today. I know that this ttc is such hard work and such an emotial rollercoster. I am on the waiting list for clomid and it looks like it will be about 6 months...so looking at the summer before I see anyone.
My biggest worry at the moment is time.... I am running out of it. I had my FSH done and it is wayyyyy to high. So I was really really down... I didn't leave the house for a week and just felt sick all the time... I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I won't have any more. And I am finding that really really hard. I want to be the one calling it time.... I don't want the choice taken away from me. But it looks like it has been. 
And to make things worse my dh works away from home and I sat and worked out that this year I only have 6 chances of getting pg... and that is if my body works.. at the moment it doesn't.. and with such a high fsh.. I am running really low on eggs so I am really finding hard just now. Especially with such a long waiting list.ahhhhhhhhh

So I do know how you feel. I know what you mean about pg friends etc. I met 2 girls in the cemetry where my dd is and both of them had lost babies at the same time and just over Christmas I heard that both of them are pg... So that is like another knife in my chest... It is just so hard. I seem to see baby girls everywhere and I find it really hard.


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

hi still hoping, sorry to read of your loss. re your clomid, i didn't know there was a waiting list for clomid, i thought your gp just gave you a prescription for it?.......i went and saw a gyni that i had to pay for and he gave me a (private) prescription for it; i thought it was going to cost loads but it didn't, even though private the prescription was around £6 so i don't understand the waiting list, darn nhs. my dh too often goes away and last year i worked out i missed around 3/4 months trying which is so hard, especially when you are in your 40's (i was 41 last year, 42 now) so it adds to the pressure doesn't it, i totally feel for you there. also, my gyni that i saw the other day, he still has women with high fsh who have got pg naturally (no ivf) - mine was 11.9 so not much lower than yours and he thinks i still have a chance PLUS the fsh levels can fluctuate point being that a high one one month may reduce in others so it is not cut and dry - this confuses my ignorant mind however as does it mean your eggs are better in a month when your fsh tested is lower? who knows, i just know that the level can alternate. i have a friend of 43 who just had her fsh tested and it was 3 something, lucky old sod!! i had one fsh test a while ago that was i think around 20 something once so try not to fret about it!
all the best jox


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## still_hoping (Jan 23, 2007)

thanks kelway.
I am Foooortyyyy... in March...ahhh
My gp is not much help, although he is one of the better ones in the practice. I would love to just go and get some clomid... I hoped he would just write a prescription and that would be it.. But I have to go the main hospital and see the gynae dept and take it from there. But to be honost I don't think my gp really knows much about fertility. When I had my FSH done, I asked him if there was any special day and he said "no"... but I read so much that I knew it had to be cd3... (wish I hadn't)...

I get really really bad ov pains and I just think that my ovaries are squeezing out the last few eggs. I even think that maybe I should go on the BCP while I am waiting just incase... to save any spare eggs....lol

I think I will make an appointment to go and see him and see if he has any suggestions of what I can do to spead things up.. I don't know if I could handle it much more... I knew that I only really have 6 months ttc this year.. but part of me keeps thinking that to get pg I will probably have to have my share of mc also...( as my luck is just so bad just now..)
I will get my fsh done again...if I can handle the outcome...
Take care
Love Bexx


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## kelway (Dec 9, 2006)

hi again be (or is it bexx ?) - don't worry about ov pain, that is very common. my last fsh tested a few months ago was 11.9 - if i had the money and time i would like to get my fsh tested every month - it can go up or down. a friend of mine older than me (nearly 43) had hers done the other week and it came back 3.9, i feel sick with envy which is awful but makes my fsh seem bloody awful. but gyni told me the other day even with a raised one you can still get pg naturally (seems like most women who get pg my age had ivf and i am not having that). things will get better. i keep going upstairs to give mert (my dd) a kiss even though she is fast asleep as it keeps me going, i love her so much. try to be positive (isn't that annoying when someone says that although it is not so bad if the person who said it is in the same or similar position as yourself) xx


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