# Is it enough if it's only me that wants another child?



## FlyingCat (Jan 23, 2011)

Hello,

I'm on my third ICSI cycle and due for Egg collection in the morning.

Last night my DH dropped a huge bombshell on me - namely that he really doesn't care if we never have another child. He's gone along with me this far and I've always been impressed that he doesn't seem to worry when we have set backs. However our conversation (massive row) last night made me understand it's that he really doesn't care. He's happy to have another one provided it doesn't inconvenience him.

I feel so unbelievably alone and don't know what to do now. I triggered last night ahead of EC scheduled tomorrow. During our row he said that he was no longer willing to go ahead. This morning he said we should go ahead as planned but now I'm really worried we're doing the wrong thing. What if I do get pregnant and I'm bringing a baby into the world who's own father doesn't really want it.

On the other hand if we don't go ahead it will break my heart - I've decided already that financially, emotionally and physically this has to be the last shot - and yet giving up on this without even trying seems such an incredible waste. I'm even considering having the eggs collected frozen - or maybe having embryos frozen?

Finally I'm also terrified that the extreme stress of last night's row will have effected DHs sample. (I'm not so worried about my eggs as they're already cooked and we've never had any issues on my side). So maybe we should give up now and accept our chances are completely stuffed.

Anyone got any thoughts?


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi,

Firstly the row wouldn't have effected his sample, so please don't worry about that.  I have been in a similar situation myself and everything worked out in the end.

In a nutshell DH was happy with DS and wasn't bothered if we had anymore children.  I wanted another try, so we went ahead.  DH never, ever said anything about not wanting to go through treatment.  I got a BFP and a early scan showed twins.  We had a big row that night and DH told me that he didn't want anymore children and that he only went through it, as he didn't think it would work again!  I went to my mums for the weekend to have some space.  

I came home on the Monday and we had a really good chat.  He was terrified of us not being able to cope financially and how much strain two babies would put on our relationship.  As time went on and he attended scans he started to become really excited.  When we found out we were having another boy he couldn't have been happier.

Things are really good now and he dotes on both the boys.  I personally wouldn't pull out now. But perhaps try and have a talk with your husband.

Good luck.
X


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## Dory10 (Aug 6, 2013)

Hi FlyingCat,

Sending you a big hug!  Only you know how you really feel but from the sounds of it you'd never forgive yourself for not seeing this through now.  ICSI cycles are hard and I don't think any couple can ever really understand what their other half is going through, I know my DH and I had worries that the other hadn't even thought about!

The fact that your DH came this morning and said you should go ahead as planned means he is willing to accept that there is a possibility of another baby, I don't think he'd of suggested this if he really didn't want this.

Wishing you lots of luck whatever you decide xxx


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## cosmopolitan4112008 (Oct 18, 2013)

Proceed with it and don't bother yourself with the episode. Men react impulsively without thinking. Their tongue is faster than their thinking. I don't think he doesn't want another child, but probably is fed up with overall ivf. It really drains people emotionally and physically,  not to mention financially. Try to relax and get rest as much as possible.  Speak to him when you see he is ok. If he is still upset,  there won't be any use of conversation.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

just go ahead, there's no guarantee it will work, sorry that probably sounds a bit harsh, but I mean, you've already triggered, no point stopping now and then always wondering what might have been. ride it through and see what life throws at you. don't worry about what may or may not happen later since you won't know.     good luck


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## FlyingCat (Jan 23, 2011)

Thanks so much ladies. As always it seems the darkest hour was before the dawn. DH much calmer and while he still won't tell me what was behind our row (although with TX going on I can have a fair guess!) but did reassure me that most of what was said mid row was pure anger and lashing out and not actually the case. 

We did of course go ahead and 12 eggs are currently getting jiggy in a dish. Both of us are now excited for the outcome.

Thanks so much all of you for the common sense and moral support.

Cassy


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

12 eggies is a great crop well done and good luck!


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## Dory10 (Aug 6, 2013)

12 - that's great news FlyingCat - Fingers crossed for you xxx


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