# Public Service Announcement: don't ask about people's reproductive plans!



## Charmars (Sep 14, 2014)

Just seen this on ** and had to share. It was under a scan picture

Hey everyone!!! Now that I got your attention with this RANDOM ULTRASOUND PHOTO I grabbed from a Google image search, this is just a friendly P.S.A. that people's reproductive and procreative plans and decisions are none of your business. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Before you ask the young married couple that has been together for seemingly forever when they are finally gonna start a family ... before you ask the parents of an only-child toddler when a Little Brother or Little Sister will be in the works ... before you ask a single 30-something if/when s/he plans on having children because, you know, clock's ticking ...  just stop. Please stop. You don't know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues. You don't know who is having relationship problems or is under a lot of stress or the timing just isn't right. You don't know who is on the fence about having kids or having more kids. You don't know who has decided it's not for them right now, or not for them ever. You don't know how your seemingly innocent question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration. Sure, for some people those questions may not cause any fraught feelings -- but I can tell you, from my own experiences and hearing about many friends' experiences -- it more than likely does.

Bottom line: Whether you are a wanna-be grandparent or a well-intentioned friend or family member or a nosy neighbor, it's absolutely none of your business. Ask someone what they're excited about right now. Ask them what the best part of their day was. If a person wants to let you in on something as personal as their plans to have or not have children, they will tell you. If you're curious, just sit back and wait and let them do so by their own choosing, if and when they are ready.


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## prettysmiles2015 (Jul 24, 2015)

wow charmers that's amazing. I'd love to post that on ********. I don't have the guts to....but I'd love to!! x


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## Charmars (Sep 14, 2014)

I shared it, it's bang on!!


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## Mrs_Roo (Dec 3, 2014)

Charmars that is brilliant! I've been thinking about posting something similar myself. I haven't, not because I haven't got the nerve to but because I need to think of the right wording! Well done for sharing, I would have too xx


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## PeedOff (Sep 18, 2015)

Charmars - that's great!


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## Wishings15 (Mar 27, 2015)

Wish I could share this.
Everytime someone asks me, I could slap them x


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## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

i saw that this morning and thought it was brilliant. i shared it too. it's scary putting yourself out there but i just felt this was so important.


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

fantastic!!!!!!


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## El-why (Nov 7, 2013)

I love this!! It says it all very eloquently!


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## moo84 (Oct 14, 2011)

Just shared this on my ** wall. I found trying to respond to all the questions hard while we were struggling to conceive our little miracle. I can't believe that the questioning still hasn't stopped now, almost immediately I was being asked about 'the next one'!! I'm much more upfront these days though and tell people that we struggled for 3 years of treatment and an operation to get my lg, so I'm just enjoying her and feeling blessed to have her in our lives, so we don't know what may or may not happen in the future - most people feel suitably awkward, mumble 'that must have been hard' and change the subject. If you aren't prepared to listen to all the possible answers to a question, don't ask it!!!


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## violeta (Aug 28, 2014)

Stylist Magazine shared this on their ******** page today, which was good. So if anyone is too shy to share directly (like me), then you can click 'like' under the article.


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## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

its been in the dailymail aswell - so im sure its probably made it into other papers - the awareness for this is just brilliant.


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## rubster (Jul 26, 2011)

It's just brilliant, and yet- I feel like if I share it, I'll be perceived as "bitter" "not over it" or "over sharing"

Sad, isn't it?


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## violeta (Aug 28, 2014)

rubster said:


> It's just brilliant, and yet- I feel like if I share it, I'll be perceived as "bitter" "not over it" or "over sharing"
> 
> Sad, isn't it?


Very. It's exactly how I feel. I've heard people being talked about behind their backs before for "airing" stuff on ******** but it's ludicrous - it's acceptable to grieve the loss of a dead pet on ********, it's acceptable to grieve a parent on ********, it's acceptable for men to tell ** how they cried when their team was promoted/relegated in the season ... yet for miscarriage and infertility a lot of women feel we have to stay silent. I have friends who share memes during Baby and Infant Loss Awareness week and Infertility Awareness Week and I applaud them so loudly. I'm not brave enough to do it and I wish I were. My own husband told me off the other day for responding to a ** thread where I was tagged in a stupid video about making babies and I gave a long response about how it's not that easy.


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## Passion4baking (Oct 18, 2015)

Hi All, 

Totally on board with this one, in my early days of all this in comparison to a lot of you and very new to the forum (2nd day  ) but loving the ability to share/vent

Why do people think it's acceptable to ask such a personal question?! 
How many times do shop assistants think it's ok to ask questions when you buy pregnancy tests, "quietly hoping, or secretly dreading?" - seriously I have had that one! They don't ask blokes questions when buying condoms, "you sure it's big enough for these?"  
Or the dismissive comments around lack of sleep or catching colds, "you'll understand when you've got children" - as if those things are exclusive to having children!

Anyway that's my little contribution on the topic of poor social awareness

xx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

i don't like ********, but that is a brilliant post. *like*

when we were in our 20's people asked All The Time... it actually puts people who are struggling off asking for help with it because it just makes the whole thing feel embarrassing. it also puts people off spending time with other people's children... lost count of the times i avoided someone with kids because i knew they had banged on about it last time i saw them... so you miss out double. about time people learned to think before asking.


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## Moragob (Apr 1, 2012)

This is brilliant - I particularly like the last bit about asking people about the positives in their lives.

When I was asked about a sibling I simply replied that it had taken 10 years and numerous miscarriages to have my daughter so it isn't always straightforward to have a sibling - that soon shut them up.  And I hope it made them think about asking the next time.  I really hope that I have made some people feel uncomfortable with my answer as they sure as hell made me uncomfortable with their questions.


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