# Is it even possible to move on?



## mandimoo (Feb 28, 2011)

Well I came back to FF to, well, reminisce I suppose.  Although Im not sure if reminisce is the right word exactly.  Read through my old posts and have just been on the whole rollercoaster again (to a much lesser degree of course!).  I just wish so hard that I had met the right man at a younger age and started the whole TTC thing much, much earlier.  When my DD was about 2 I started to understand how people got totally addicted to having babies and if I had been in my 20's and fate were on my side,  I think I would have been one of them.  However, things did not pan out that way, but against all odds we WERE blessed with a beautiful daughter who gives me joy (and terrible back ache!) every single day.  When the girls in my NCT started to have their second babies, of course I was happy for them, but it did give me that feeling of stones plummetting to the pit of my stomach.  Jealousy, yuck!  Pin that smile behind your ears girl!  Despite all the problems and heartache we went through I still long for the anticipation and excitement of getting the 2 pink lines and all the specialness that brings with it.  I loved being pregnant and I would love to be pregnant again.  Even at my age, and my history (physically not possible for me to get pregnant), I still have in the back of my mind .... maybe, we will be one of the miracles.  Does it ever go away?  Perhaps with the menopause..... well, maybe soon then.


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## Riley12 (Aug 12, 2013)

No words really just that I totally relate to your post and I wanted to send you a hug xx


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## 61304 (Apr 13, 2011)

I am in the same boat but determined to move on. I just try to focus on the miracle we have and how lucky we have been to experience the joy of motherhood.


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## Cassandra2015 (Jul 14, 2015)

Dear Mandimoo

I am in the same boat as you as just today the 4th and final FET for us didn't work (this morning I got a negative pregnancy result).

I think it's very sad. That's the right word: sad. I do believe though that people move on through this and other painful things. It has to be a process of mourning, truly accepting slowly that some things in life one wants with all their heart won't happen. What has helped me through the 4 failed FETs was the thought of the pain people go through in all areas of their lives: through death of loved ones / illness / divorce / not having children etc. I am awed by what people go through and what losses they manage to slowly accept & deal with. I do hope for you (and for me) that this mourning process that often takes a lot of time and involves work, will be possible.

The last thing to say is that I don't thing mourning for something we haven't had or for a big loss like this means the sadness completely goes away. Perhaps a part of you will always feel regretful for not having had a second child. I think that's normal and to be expected. It's like always remembering, in a part of our minds, the people we used to love so much who died. But I have seen people truly move on and reach acceptance, while still accepting the regret and loss--but not being tortured by it on a daily basis. I hope this can be us in the future. 

Good luck. Enjoy your wonderful daughter.
Best wishes
Cassandra


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## Gemini40 (Feb 9, 2016)

Hi, feel the same way, so hard to move on. I have one and have tried for another for nearly 2.5 years . will be 40 soon and feel like my chance has gone. Some days I think about the amazing life I could give one child then other days I am back planning my next treatment. Having more treatment means using all our savings and money that could be spent on her. I also feel resentment towards the clinics who cash in on my desperation. So hard


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

I'd say it is possible, although not easy to move on 

I'm quite lucky in the sense it was taken out of my hands in a very definite & final way, as I had placenta accreta with my daughter so I never had to decide whether to have more IVF, how many more cycles I'd do, when to stop, whether to keep outgrown baby things etc & I think this made it easier than if I'd had to make a decision to stop, or if I'd had any possibility of natural conception.

It saved me from myself in a way, as I would almost certainly have gone back to being a compulsive serial IVF patient trying for another to the point of ending up physically & mentally ill, in debt and at risk of losing the family I'd worked so hard to achieve. I have to say the grieving came with a certain sense of relief as well.

The envy of those who effortlessly pop out 2 or 3 in quick succession still hits me, but I've come to realise it isn't so much that I actually want another child, it's the _ability_ to have them that I envy rather than the actual reality of being exhausted & haggard with a new baby & a neglected toddler.

At least we know how lucky we are to have our miracles - people who can have children easily often don't seem to appreciate what they've got.

Hugs to all,

B xxx


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## helchris1981 (Oct 6, 2016)

I feel I could have written your post! Myself and my husband met when we were 30 and we got married when we were 32 and started trying for a baby straight away, after a few miscarriages we had our beautiful daughter in 2014, not having another child was never even considered, from day one we wanted 2 children. We started trying for our second a few months ago, but I've recently found out that I'm going through the menopause, there is next to no chance of us having another and that I was probably going through the menopause when I got pregnant with our little girl. I cannot explain how it makes me feel, I honestly feel like I'm grieving :-( We are now considering adoption, do you think that's something that you could do?


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## Gemini40 (Feb 9, 2016)

Hi helchris, this post is quite old now but my situation hasn't changed either you can have a look at my signature. You are likely not in the right place for making big decisions yet but donor egg is also a possibility for you. Both are good options. I would adopt but my husband doesn't want to


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