# Am I ready or am I best off waiting?



## Billybeans (Jun 16, 2012)

This is the question....
Basically my heart is ready to start the process of adoption. I think DH is getting there but not quite. My head tells me I am best of waiting a little longer but my heart is aching and getting inpatient.
Apart from me thinking DH isn't quite ready to put that foot forwarded there are a couple of other issues. We have a bit of debt on our credit cards, we are slowly paying it off but just had to put a bit more on them cos we are trying to decorate the house too. That's the other issue, the house isn't in a fit state to welcome a child, we need floor coverings down in most rooms and need new bathroom, ideally a new kitchen but that might have to wait. I have some money tied up in a house we are going to sell but that also needs some decorating doing to make it more appealing when we put it on the market.
I think we really should wait til we sell the house but how long might this take, it might not sell for mths or even years and my heart is more than ready!
Can anyone offer any opinions or advice on how to pass time/stay sane or whether starting soon would be a good/bad idea? I would rather wait and have a better chance of being accepted than start too soon and be rejected.


----------



## angel_lass (Sep 10, 2008)

Hi I think you are probably answering a lot of your own questions. You can keep yourself busy doing all ur DIY it sounds like you have ur hands full    don't railroad ur hubby into it if he isn't ready as its a hard long road to approval    goog luck for what you decide x


----------



## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Also agree that you seem to be answering your own question.

Anyway, waiting to apply need not be the same as waiting to do IVF where you sit twiddling your thumbs until you start injecting. Waiting for adoption application can be filled with proactive preparation: reading books, doing courses on paediatric first aid and child development, getting your house child-proof, having some lovely "you" time doing stuff you can't do when you have kids. You could also try going to a few open evenings, we are planning on going to as many of them as possible! 

Besides, although a child doesn't need a new kitchen and bathroom, it would benefit from something on the bare floorboards   

Good luck with your decision xxx


----------



## Nicola30 (Jun 13, 2011)

Only you can decide if you are ready, I think deep down I wasn't too sure myself when I set off on this road and DH openly admitted "adoption wasn't right for him just yet"

He agreed to my contacting the LA thinking we would be told we couldn't adopt for whatever reason but our LA manager put all of our fears at ease and explained we didn't have to be perfect, just normal. We worried our house was too small, we had a little but of debt and I am overweight. 

When she left that night, my hubby was so pro adoption I couldn't believe it. 

I suppose what I am trying to say is, go along to open evenings, contact your LA and ask if someone can come and speak with you, get the information and tell them your worries. They will be honest and tell you if the things your mention would be deal breakers. At least that way too your other half will be able to relay his anxieties. The process is still lengthy and you will have time to do your house tasks and chip away at your debts still. They will only want proof you can provide financially for a child, and still make payments towards any debt you have. 

Good luck with whatever you decide xxx


----------



## Billybeans (Jun 16, 2012)

Thankyou for your replies. I'm not sure I am answering my own question, more wanting reassurance and advice on whether our situation is likely to be a problem with starting because of course the process can take at least 12mths! So I was wondering whether the concerns with house & finances is likely to be a stumbling block right from the start or whether SW's would be happy to let us start as long as things progress?!
Maybe I'm not making sense! 
I'm a lot a bit torn between my heart wanting to start but my head telling me and trying to protect me from more rejection!


----------



## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

Hi lovely, I was like you prior to starting.  We had recently had an ivf fail.  It was our last one following a MMC.  I didn't want to do it really and knew it would fail.  Dh had not been too into adopting... Just the perceived intrusion really I think was the big anxiety.  Anyway, we had our tx and it failed and I was ok.  I just wanted to get life on track and move on.  I was frustrated and dh and I didn't really talk much.  I was sat at work one day ****ed of with it all and just phoned the la.  I got the most loveliest of welcome, discussed everything (ie tx two months ago, massive ivf debts etc) however, I got off the phone with the biggest grin and though crap.... Dh. I got home and basically splurged everything.  Anyway long story short, 2 weeks later we were at an open evening and not stopped talking since.  We have worked out debts, re mortgaged etc and almost at the end of stage 1.  Men are diff creatures and dh is pro adoption too.... Don't get me wrong our first sw was interesting and I was scared dh anti, she was a bit stereo typical.  However dh and I were told we were allowed to apply whoop whoop, she did listen to my feelings, and wasn't judgemental.  Our stage 1 social worker is lovely too and it feels right, and we feel happy.

I think you should call and discuss or go to an open evening.  You don't have to apply, nor does it look bad if you want to wait and come back.  Following that. You can decide,  it might just be the catalyst that makes it click for dh, but as long as you know he might say we need to wait and get things in order and your ok with it, it's all good.

Wish you lots of luck xx


----------



## Billybeans (Jun 16, 2012)

ThankYou forgetmenot. I'm so happy for you, that's an amazing heart warming story. I have goosebumps. I'm so glad you understand how I feel and some of what you described sounds like the way I feel.


----------



## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

hiya. 
Okay, so you were concerned about your Hubby -I'd echo what others have said about going to an open evening to find out more. 
We were in a fair bit of debt when we started out but were able to demonstrate that we were living within our means and had debt repayment in hand. It is however a big additional stress factor and if there's any way to reduce your debt then it would be a good idea.
House, they do a health and Safety inspection which covers lots. Floor coverings is one of the things on there. Decoration not so much but there are a few offers on at the moment so worth checking out. We're in a similar position at the minute and just buying a pot of paint at a time. As long as the bathroom and kitchen are clean and usable then it''s fine.
Projects are a good idea -last time I did a course to occupy me and this time we're doing our house up. 
You need to both have childcare experience -volunteering for after school clubs/ toddler groups etc. 
Gather together all the names and dates of every place you've ever lived and ever worked. If you've lived abroad you'll need a criminal records check done for each of those places too.


----------



## Billybeans (Jun 16, 2012)

Hi Arrows. Thankyou for the tips! We are getting there with the decor! With regards to getting experience. Is there any kind of places you can suggest as I work long hours til 7pm mon-thurs & til 3pm on a Friday. I did volunteer at a nursery over a yr ago but I couldn't go anymore cos of work. I'm thinking of enquiring there again but it will just be an hour on a Friday afternoon if they accept me. I also used to volunteer with the brownies but had to give that up too cos I had to work til 7 & brownies started at 6pm. Is there anywhere that would be available on a Saturday or after 7pm does anyone know?x


----------



## Hunibunni (Jan 18, 2009)

Billybeans if you used to volunteer with  Brownies then that may suffice if they can vouch for you. I personally didn't have to do this as I have young nieces so that was enough experience for us. Do you have any friends with kids that you could spend time with? That may be easier due to your lack of leisure time.


----------



## Billybeans (Jun 16, 2012)

Hi hunibunni, I have work colleagues. Two work colleagues have one year olds but they might find it a bit weird if I suddenly volunteer to spend time with them/look after them. I could mention it in passing that if they wanted an evening out I'd be happy to look after them. Worth a go but I don't want work knowing at the moment.
Xx


----------



## Hunibunni (Jan 18, 2009)

That sounds like an excellent idea and make sure you get DH involved too as he needs experience too  

Xx


----------

