# 40 - 2nd Baby - Totally Confused



## tom+jerry (Jan 2, 2008)

Ladies

Really confused just now and not sure what to do.

We had 2 IVF txs on NHS and luckily the 2nd attempt worked and in January this year gave birth to our lovely daughter.  

Thing is I'm now thinking it would be nice to have a brother or sister for DD.

I'll be 41 this year and DD is nearly 8 months.  A natural pregnancy would be difficult to achieve as got endo so if wanted another baby likely to be private IVF.  On last IVF tx had serious probs with BP re tx drugs.  Had a great pregnancy but birth was great it was after DD was born that lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion.  DH said last time no more tx and then the birth trauma really freaked him out as he thought I was going to die.

DH comes from a large family so DD would have loads of nieces and nephews.

Be honest girlies am I being selfish wanting another baby or should I just draw a line under this and move on.


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## Violet66 (Dec 28, 2007)

I don't think it's selfish. 

Now that you know the risks in advance a second pregnancy/birth could be easier to manage. Perhaps you can minimise the risk by opting for elective C section?


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## livity k (May 19, 2009)

Hi, 

I don't think you are selfish but I wouldn't underestimate how scared your DH was by what happened- he had to watch someone he loved being very unwell and feared losing you- maybe you could sugggest some counselling for him to talk through those emotions and get a really accurate picture of the risks

Good luck

K


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## Mariann (Apr 21, 2005)

Hi
I think you can not just turn off your feelings. If you want another child you know the ricks and the odds.

I,m 41 and like you I have a dd. She was conceived by iui (4th go, after 7 yrs of trying). I had a horrid pregnancy and my dd stopped breathing at 7hours old( I was holding her when she stopped breathing)She ended up  on C-pak and with a hole in her lung. Thank god she recoved and is now an active 2yr. After she came out of hospital I lost it completely. I was afraid she was going to stop breathing again so sat up every night and just watched her breath. I wouldn't go out as I couldn't see if she was breathing. This lasted a very long time and to be honest I still have my moments. My dh had to watch this, while my physical life was not in danger my mental health was and my dh has said he never wants to experience that time again. I  have just found out I am pregnant ( naturally!!!) and I too wonder if I,m being selfage in wanting another baby as I nearly broke last time. But I feel I can do this. All you can do is talk to your dh and the doc, and see your optons.
sorry to ramble
take care


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## tom+jerry (Jan 2, 2008)

Ladies

Thanks for your feedback.  Think really need to talk to DH instead of me bottling everything up as its not going to help or achieve anything. 

Mariann      Congrats on your pregnancy.  Hope this one is event free  

Livity      Good idea the counselling.  Never thought of that

Thanks again


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