# own eggs or donor -please help



## ClaryRose (Jan 26, 2006)

I just wanted to add we have been told we should have one more attempt at uding our own eggs.  I am 44 with an FSH of 15 although it has been 12 since 2003.  We have also just been matched with a donor.  I am SO confused I really do not know what to do.  My own eggs comes with risks of Downs, 1 in 41 at my age and all the other syndromes and foetal abnormalities.  The donor is obviously younger with less of a risk.  The chance to use ours is so tempting - but more risky - and it is my heart ruling - and my head says use donor.  Any help, suggestions, insights or anything woudl be really really welcome   Thank you for reading this.  I have a week to confirm whether we wish to use the donor.


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## Violet66 (Dec 28, 2007)

my honest advice would be to go straight to donor eggs. 

The chances of conceiving with your own eggs at 44 and with a high FSH are pretty slim - and, even if you do, the risks of miscarriage are very high. 
I do know where you are coming from on the donor egg issue, because I am in the same boat. However, sometimes I think it's important to accept reality rather than hoping for the fantasy. If these things weren't so damn expensive then I would say have a shot with your own eggs.

Could you try with donor eggs but keep TTC naturally in the mean time?


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## ElsBelle (Feb 8, 2007)

Hi ClaryRose,

It's a difficult one, isn't it? It sounds like you already had a few gos with our own eggs? If that's the case, then I'd say, go for DE. - I've been waiting for ages to get my hormone levels to an acceptable level for us to try IVF after we had 3 failed IUIs. My clinic advised me nit to waste any time with own eggs but I feel I have to have at least one attempt, so that we can move on to DE knowing we tried.
I suppose it all comes down to how important it is to you to have your genetic child and how much longer you are prepared to wait to have a family. And money, of course. 
Oh, it's a bugger all this, isn't it? Good luck with any decision you make. May it be the right one for you!

Els.


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## ClaryRose (Jan 26, 2006)

Thank you VIolet and Els.  I think I know the answer really - it's such a long shot with own eggs and there are so many risks of foetal abnormalities.  It's just that it was thrown back in to the mix by my gynaecologist who I trust implicitly.  I had been told to give up 4 years ago and had resigned myself to the fact.  I think I shall book another consultation with her and chat it through thoroughly.  I think though the donor is the way forward.  Thank you for you replies..........


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## jess p (Sep 25, 2004)

I know what a tough decision this is.  I was desperate to have a baby that had a genetic link to me and DH - partly because I am adopted and have no blood relatives - none of that "Ooo haven't you got your mother's eyes"!

After lots of treatments with my own eggs it was apparent there was an issue and we'd already thrown all our savings at trying.

I have to say that once I'd got my head around donor eggs it has been the most fantastic experience!

It is by no means a guarantee to a baby but it increases your chances enormously.  Our clinic in Athens had 60 cycles in July - only 3 were negative - that's a 95% success rate (obviously only of BFPs NOT live births).

The treatment we have received in Athens has been truly exceptional - the cons gives you her home phone, her mobile no and her personal email address and keeps in constant contact!  She sends you details of accommodation and has been known to have patients stay at her house when it's been last minute!
Also, her treatment of the donors is great too - only giving them the smallest poss amount of drugs - resulting in about 8 top quality eggs.  The donors are young - 18 to 30; many are eastern European so you can get blonde/blue eyed donors. 

We had no wait at all for both cycles!

All this for 5000 euros!!!

I can honestly say, as soon as the embryos were transferred they felt like part of me!  I don't know if I actually find the concept easier because I'm adopted - I know that your parents don't have to look like you to be the best M&D in the world!

We did have counselling at our UK clinic before we went ahead with the donor eggs - it was only really going over everything we all ready knew but it did make us certain we were doing the right thing for us.

Good luck with your decision.

Love Jess xxx


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## ClaryRose (Jan 26, 2006)

Hello Lexey and Jess

Good luck in Spain this week, Lexey!  Thank you for your message - it's really helpful to hear other views as I find I am going round in circles with the same thoughts.  It's good to have other perspectives in the mix!

My chances are <10% with my own or 30%(ish)  with donor.  So it should be an easy choice.  Plus all the other issues with a 1 in 44 chance of Downs Syndrome and other potential 'problems' due to my age with my own eggs.  It is only just the chance of my 'own'.  Although, Jess, I too was adopted and so have the same experience of understanding how genetics are not everything and know from experience that I couldnt imagine having been closer to my fantastic M&D either.  The only thing is, now I have no family remaining, as an only child.  I was incredibly close to my maternal grandmother and grandfather and when going through photos of my adopted family, there was no connection apart from with my adopted parents only, not their relatives.  However my biological grandparents family, the few photos I have, I can see a resemblence.  In fact my husband, when first meeting my grandmother, just stared at her because despite different hair and eye colour he said it was like looking at me 45 years on - that was 15 years ago.  It is also so wonderful to catch myself in the mirror sometimes and see a resemblence - its' so comforting.  

But getting back to choosing.  I know my chances are better with donor eggs and we have a donor.  I am aware of the notion of epigenetics and have spoken with Professor Winston about this, for it to be confirmed that from the moment any embryo is implanted - whether own or donor eggs - the mother carrying the baby will have a profound effect on the development and character of the resulting baby.  So not only is it nurture after birth - it goes on from day 1 of implantation.  So that' svery comforting too. I thnk I have made up my mind.  Greece sounds a great option.  I really want to be able to offer any child we have the opportunity to trace if they wish to, so England is a good choice for us.  Is this the same in Greece, Jess?

Thank you both so much 

Fingers crossed for Spain      Good Luck, Jess

CR


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