# Adoption Chat Thread Part 1



## Betty-Boo

Welcome to your new home   

And a very Happy New Year - here's to 2012 being that little bit special for all of us.

 

We still have a post placement board, access to which can be obtained by filling out the 'contact us' form:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/index.php?option=com_contact&view=contact&id=1&Itemid=159

   Mini xxx


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Bookmarking


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## popsi

just marking as love keeping up with you all... and am happy to help anyone who needs it xx


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## KG81

Hi
We are having the review next week, not sure who will be coming to our house but can't wait as we will start the paperwork for court! So very excited!
x x


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

That's great news KG81 x


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## liveinhope

Bookmarking.  We are just waiting for a visit from LO's sw on 17th, then hopefully we will know for sure


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## Anjelissa

Happy New Year to you all   
Another one just marking the page.

Anj x


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## galaxy girl

bokmarking!

Question re starter books on attachment. Iwould recomend the Dan Hughes CDs. v good.


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## skyblu

Just bookmarking, going to panel March 1st 2012.

Skyblu.xx


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## sweets x

Just bookmarking xxx


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## Daizy

Hi guys,

Hope everyone is well.

KG81 – we had a post placement review meeting (not sure if that is what you are having) about 3 months into placement (they don’t believe in doing things quickly eh lol). The placement team manager chaired the review and the only other people who were there were our social worker, our wee ones social worker and someone taking minutes. The wee one was there at the start of the meeting but I got my Mum to come and collect her for the rest as she was getting unsettled. Good luck, hope you can get the court ball rolling.
We have our preliminary hearing on the 25th January, we are prepared for a second hearing but the Curator ad litem has visited and she thinks the order will be signed on the 25th. Keeping everything crossed it is! 

D x


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## KG81

Daisy, yes it is the post placement review, here it's done 28 days after placement, so that's good!


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## Poppets Mammy

Just mainly bookmarking guys

Panarama - Thank you for your post. It was a very hard decision to not move onto IVF, but also an easy decision if that makes sense. We went to counselling to help us understand why didn't want to have IvF as we were concerned we would make the wrong decision and regret it later in life. However we decided that the infertility journey had took so much out of our lives already and that we'd regret wasting more years trying for something that would possibly never work, when we could move onto a more positive journey that felt more like the right path for us. I'm a strong believer if faite.
What a hard decision that must be to make about your embie, I'm sending you some positive vibes   
Xx


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## watakerfuffle

Hi All and hope all is going good for you all. I am another one who went straight to adoption rather than fertility treatment route. I am 28 and DH also 28 and we just decided that it wasn't for us and we want to be youngish parents so that was that and adopting has always felt right for us. Currently mid way through homestudy and hoping for panel in April time. So exciting. Just spent weekend with my sisters 2 girls and just can't wait to be a mummy myself. Hope all your journeys are going well. x


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## Arrows

Bookmarking

Skyblu, hope you're doing okay. We've got so many meetings in the next couple of weeks to get all the final details done it's going to get a bit manic! Are you at the same point?


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## aaa is a MUMMY

Hi everyone have read and all the posts and totally forgotten what people said dah

Duckling I really hope it is all going well hun not long now and your LO will be home yeah   

Sky hope that date gets sorted really soon xx

Well we have had our first review phew!! Next one on the 4th April and then fingers crossed we can get ball rolling with the court side of things. Bubba was amazing during the whole thing but it defo unsettled her and we had a bit of a rough night but thankfully she seems back on form now. We took her to a friends 60th last night and she was bopping on the dance floor in her babygro so cute. I fly solo tomorrow as hubby is going back to work


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## swallowtail

galaxy girl said:


> bokmarking!
> 
> Question re starter books on attachment. Iwould recomend the Dan Hughes CDs. v good.


Bookmarking, and thanks to Galaxy girl xxx


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## galaxy girl

Would be good if I could spell Bookmarking!!


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## galaxy girl

Ok - I know this has been mentioned before but I need info on how to prepare a welcome/introduction  book for a 2 and a half year old especially - and maybe also for a 1 year old. both in differnt fc homes currently - so wil need to be two separate books.

My main worry is will the tomy forget me not photo album be to young for the older one? don't want to order it and then it not be fit for purpose! my art skills are rubbish so thought it might be a good idea!


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## Poppets Mammy

Galaxy girl - I don't have alot of experience to base any advise on, however have you thought of just making a personalised photo album through an Internet company such as 'photo box'? They aren't adoption focused but you can make them child focused, you can personalise the style book, the background and colour scheme etc. the photos are imposed on the pages and you can put whatever writing besides them. We have used this company before to make personalised photo albums for family members as presents and they are great. They are a bit more mature then the tommy forget me not and it will likely be appreciated by LO more for a longer time as they get older, yet you can make them very child like aswell. Think we would prob use this option. Only downside is I don't think they have a voice recording option, but alternatively you could get LO a 'factory bear' or something and record your voice on their.
Just a few ideas that may help, good luck!
XxX


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## galaxy girl

thanks forever hopeful! just what I wanted!!


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## Duckling

Hi, just a quick one while lo is asleep! He came home for good yesterday morning. Had a great time yesterday but a tricky night- up for 3 hrs after dh leapt out of bed saying he could see him trying to climb out of the cot on the monitor - by the time  I could say that he was sitting down again lo had heard him and was up screaming   . Have got him to have an afternoon nap now though so very happy - have made myself put my feet up rather than doing jobs. Dh being a brilliant help (apart from the nighttime incident  ). Finding the responsibility very scary but so much easier having him home than at fc's. Just been reading experienced ff adopters ' advice on another thread and so comforting.
So sorry no personals. Hope everyone ok. He's just woken! 
Duckling xxx


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## Dame Edna

Hi Duckling  

Congrats on taking your son home!

Regarding the climbing out of the cot, we put DS in a sleeping once he tried (and succeeded  ) in climbing out of his cot.  It stopped the monkey business as he can't get his leg over the top of the cot anymore to launch himself over.  We didn't think DS would take to the sleeping bags but he seems very happy with them  

Just a thought  . Congrats again  

X


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## aaa is a MUMMY

Duckling yeah glad your lo is home, I had a dream that Bubba got out the cot and was walking round the flat scared stiff and lost, thankfully it was only a dream!! Hope the sleep settles down soon xx

Sorry haven't been about much, this was my first week flying solo and have been shattered. We visited Bubba's FC today was lovely she certainly hadn't forgotten them or the house bless her but was very happy to be there and kept coming back to us and was happy to come home with us so hopefully it won't unsettle her too much. They are such a wonderful family and have helped make our daughter the amazing little girl she is.


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone.

Thank goodness it is the weekend!

We have our first SW visit next month. We attended the info evening, got the phone call and now this meeting. Can anyone advise what to expect. She said it should last 1-1.5 hours. On the phone she talked about the June prep course?!

Thanks in advance for any advice etc.

Enjoy your weekend everyone

Greenie x


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## someday

hi greeniebob

i reckon you and i are at the same stage - we have our first meeting next wednesday week. At the open night though they said we would have training in feb so june sounds like quite a wait. I guess all LAs are different. 

i don't know what to expect. Planning to have the house **** and span though. The SW we spoke to said all we needed to have ready was id as in passports etc.


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## aaa is a MUMMY

Greenie casting my mind back to the first visit, it was just a chat really your SW will have loads of questions but it felt more like a chat than anything else all of our visits lasted well over an hour even now we have LO home they still manage to stay for an hour plus. It is amazing how quickly it goes once you get chatting. Good Luck to you be open and honest and you will be just fine xx

Someday Good Luck hun. I had a little chuckle with the **** and span house!! I always went to silly levels to make sure everything was clean and tidy, even to the point after my laparoscopy last year I was on my hands and knees trying to clean our bathroom carpet I had to crawl to the living room to pull myself up on the sofa as I couldn't get up dah!! We had our first review following Bubba coming home and I sat in our living room and smiled as the dust was all over our tv etc! Thankfully they are on the wall so there weren't any little hand prints to really show it off!!! Note to me to try harder for SW visit on thurs lol


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thank you for the replies ladies.

Someday - Good luck with your meeting. Hope all goes well. Our meeting is at the end of half term so as I shall be off that week I will also be ensuring that we have a very tidy house - mind you I am lucky enough to live with a hubby who loves cleaning!!!!

AAA- Glad all is going well with your LO. Hope you are all settling into and enjoying family life. 

Have a great weekend

Greenie x


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## Poppets Mammy

Just received the timetable and details of the Feb Prep course we are on, Wohoooo it's all very real and exciting. Glad to be moving forward now.       

Just wanted to share


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Great news forever hopeful. Good luck x


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## Lulu2003

Great news forever hopeful!!

It all gets real from here on in!!

We're due to go to matching panel in a couple of days!! Can't wait


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## Dreams do come true

@Greeniebop and Someday - We're all at a similar stage, I had my initial meeting in November but the Feb prep course was full so we're on the May course, which we're looking forward to as we just want to get things really moving! The questions we were asked at the initial visit were about us, why we wanted to adopt, what we know about adoption and the children waiting to be adopted, what our families do, names, addresses, d.o.b, about our relationship, hobbies, experience with children, they asked where the child/children would sleep, about our support network, whether we've spoken about adoption to family/friends, financial security including can we afford to take a year from work, the type of children we would like to adopt, etc. Hope this helps.

@Forever hopeful we're very excited our prep course to, but need to wait until May  as the Feb course is full  - I don't suppose you can give me an indication to what the timetable is like for your prep course? 

@Duckling Congratulations on the LO coming home, enjoy every moment! I hope he settles in well.

Hi to everyone else, I hope everything is going well for you all  x x


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## Anjelissa

Hi everyone, I hope 2012 is treating you all well so far   

Duckling.....Huge congratulations on your lo coming home! I hope you're not too tired, I remember how magical, but totally exhausting those early days are!  

Love Anj x x


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## Poppets Mammy

Thanks guys, I can't wait to get started  

Cantwait - we had a wait for the prep course as well. We had our 1st home visit in Sept 2011 and it had been mentioned before that there was a prep course in the Oct, so we were hoping to get cracking straight away, but by then that course was full up and so we had to wait until Feb 2012. It was very frustrating at the time, however we've really appreciated and enjoyed these past few months. I recommend plenty 'couple time' and just enjoy the freedom of not having TTC ruling your life. We are much more refreshed and focused now after that break, we are ready to take on this process more now then in Oct.
Anyway they've only sent us the topic details for the 1st day so far (it's a 5day course throughout Feb, it's not consecutive days). It seems to be a general over view of the adoption process, the children in care and the care system, group exercises to break the ice and get to know the other couples. A presentation on how to complete the official application forms, how to make Eco-maps, and filling out chronologies etc. It's just a recap and extension to an information evening I expect. I think the other four will be more topic focused and in depth. There's ALOT of tea/coffee breaks and they provide lunch. How canny is that!
May will be here before you know it.

Question to all - is there anyone here in this adoption forum who is from the North East/North England

Xx


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## someday

forever hopeful! ive been meaning to ask about north east - i am! 

what you said about the training is useful. im not sure if we will end up doing the feb prep course but it was mentioned at the open night but i sorta wonder if it will be full by now! I guess we will find out soon.


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## Arrows

Forever Hopeful and Someday, I'm originally from the North East and still have family and friends there, though I'm now in the South.

Our SW came last Wed but didn't bring any profiles like she said she would. She then promised she'd email some to us Thurs evening but that didn't happen either, so still waiting.
We've been told we can look and profiles, read further info and she's happy to get in touch with a child's SW all before panel which is great, so we can get moving that bit quicker once we're approved.
Ever the waiting game!


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## Poppets Mammy

Someday - where abouts are you?? Which LA/VA did you choose?? We were surprised at how many we're available to us here. PM me if you like.

Arrows - small world isn't it. How frustrating that your SW keeps giving empty promises, I'd wish ppl wouldnt bother unless they 100% could deliver on it. Hopefully you'll get to see some profiles soon 

X


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## someday

i pm'd you earlier.


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## Poppets Mammy

Woops! Didn't see it earlier, I've replied now.
X


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## Irishlady

Hope you are all well and sorry for being awol for a month or so.

I have just posted on contact levels thread to say things are now back on!! Only found out last week and now linking meeting is on Wed and matching panel next Tues!!!

Wee one, let's call her Minnie is nearly 8 months old ! We have had a mad weekend buying and sorting out her room as only had a cotbed!! Haven't slept well seeing hearing the news that things are back on with last week, and feeling shattered, suppose it is good practice!!

Will post more in due course, all still feeling v surreal!! 

xxx


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## Poppets Mammy

Yeah Irishlady        Thats fantastic news, congratulations  
When will you start intros??

xx


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## Irishlady

Thanks!!   

Reckon they could start 7 days after matching panel so perhaps 2 weeks tomorrow!! Was advised by sw to wait until linking to tell work, but I could be finishing at end of next week!! How mad is that   

Have a wee question   we are doing our tomy talking photo book and wondered at photos of you and dh do you say 'I am your mummy' or 'I am your new mummy'  Thanks 

xx


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## panorama

Congrats Irishlady!!! Great news! Not long now, and so ickle at 8 months, lovely    I just said - 'this is mummy' in the Tomy book  xx


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## Irishlady

Thanks panorama, will go and finish it now!!

xx


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## liveinhope

Great news Irish Lady!  We have a meeting about our possible LO tomorrow


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## Poppets Mammy

Wow, how quick is that. I cant wait to be where you are now, how amazing. Its very short notice for work, but thats how it happens with adoption.

Liveinhope - Best of luck and enjoy tomorrow, obviously we want an update ASAP   xx


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## someday

irish lady that is fantastic news!!! im really pleased for you. cant wait to hear more from you about meeting your lo and bringing her home xx


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## Duckling

Irish Lady _*fantastic news!!*_ Just popped on quickly and so glad I did when I read your news! xx
I did the same as Panorama for the Tommy Book.

Arrows what a pain - hope you get to see profiles soon - then things will soon whizz by!

Great news Forever 
Greeniebop - wish my dh loved cleaning! Mind you I'm having to chill a lot in the tidy house department now that our lo is home!  
Thanks Anj - he is so funny and cute. After our first night blip he is sleeping at least 12 hours a night - though I really hope I'm not jinxing things by typing that!  I went to bed at 8pm one night though! It's lovely at the moment because dh has time off, so he can play with our lo whilst I sort the practical stuff and haven't changed a dirty (if you get my drift) nappy by myself yet - he is a massive massive wriggler so need two to entertain!  
AAA how's it going solo? Any tips? Hope all going good. x
Will have to think of a name for him on here.
Sorry my posts are a bit one track at the moment! Can't believe it's me posting about _my_ little one!!! Sending lots of luck to everyone. x
Skyblu how are you doing?
Love from Duckling xxx


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## Arrows

hi all. 
Irish Lady -huge congratulations!

Duckling, I got a call from head SW today to say our SW was ill so postponing our visits till next week -so SW did have an excuse for not getting profiles to me.
However, made a boo-boo. 
my impatience got the better of me and whilst talk to head SW I mentioned that SW was going to send us some profiles to look at, and asked if that was something she was able to do so we could discuss them with our SW when we next saw her or if it was better to wait until SW came over.
Head said to wait as better to look at them with SW there and she also asked whether they were old ones. I said that I believed they were to be current ones to start thinking about options for once were were approved and she didn't seem very happy with that. She said there were lots of profiles available at the moment and also coming in from within the local consortium, so better to wait but that looking at older profiles would be a good idea in order to think objectively and clearly about whether we would be able to parent that child. 
I agreed that it was a good idea and left it there but felt really bad afterwards as now I reckon that I've gotten our SW into trouble and also meant that we're not going to get to do anything till after we get approved.
I don't disagree with that call -seemed odd they'd allow it before we went to panel -just really annoyed at inconsistency!


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## skyblu

Congrats Irish Lady on getting your little girl home, and 8 months old, a lovely age. 
I can't wait to be where you are now, we are close but seems so far!!!1

Livininhope - good luck for tomorrow for intros 

Duckling - so glad your lo has settled so well, and sleeping for 12 hours is great, how old is he?
We are going to panel on March 1st, I know it is not long to go but it's seems so far.
If I'm honest I am dreading it as I haven't had my op yet, and I have been told that it will be done by the 31st March but I really really need it done now before the panel date so it is out of the way.
Even though everyone concerned know about my hysterectomy they don't seem to have a problem about it but I am scared the panel are going to differe us until I have had or recovered from the op.

AAA - how's it going hun?

Skyblu.xx


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## thespouses

Oops, I completely forgot to pop on here to say, we are now overseas (have been for about 10 days!) meeting our baby boy!  He is staying with a foster carer but we can go round and see him and "practice", and we are crossing our fingers we get custody in the next couple of days. Then it's passport and visa and home, but hubby is going to have to come home before me, grr.

Anyway he is gorgeous and we are very happy new parents!


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## galaxy girl

The Spouses!! Congratualations that's brilliant news - its been a long wait for you. Shame your Dh has to come home first though...


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## Irishlady

Thanks everyone   

We met her foster carer today who was just lovely and couldn't have been more helpful.  She really brought wee one to life. Linking panel is tomorrow. Feeling shattered though and everything moving so quickly which is great, but all still surreal. 

Great news the spouses!

Panorama -sw liked our tomy book so thanks for the heads up on what to say!!

Liveinhope how did today go? 

xx


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## DiamondDiva

Hi everyone,

Im new to this board and have a question if thats ok?

When you have your initial SW visit what generally happens? 


Hope to get to know you all soon,

Debs x


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow iris lady.

Welcome diamond diva, we have our SW visit in feb so can't help I'm afraid but I am sure a knowledgable lady will be along soon x


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## DiamondDiva

Thanks Greeniebop


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## Dame Edna

Diamond Diva, it was a long time ago now since our initial visit but at that stage they were just checking the basics.  From memory, SW discussed length of relationship with DH, how long we'd lived in the area for, why we were interested in adopting, what we did for a living ....

She mentioned Prep course dates at the end of the meeting but the SW that did our initial visit was quite Senior so she didn't have to check with her boss first before inviting us to Prep .....

It was quite casual.

Good luck 
X


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## liveinhope

Think today went well.  They are ringing our social worker tomorrow with their decision but we are pretty certain they are going to say yes as they were talking about April panel!  Cant wait to find out tomorrow       

Great to hear that things are all going well with you Irish Lady.  Long may it continue

Congratulations to the Spouses

A big welcome to all the new ladies, I remember first posting here a year ago, just starting the process thinking it will never happen to me but now look.......

xx


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Great news live in hope. Hope you get the call x


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## oliver222

Congrats everyone who has had good news.

I went for info evening tonight and still feeling very positive. Told us that they have a prep course at least once a month. Next few are booked up but said that time scales would be prob be prep course latest start of April and HS latest start of Sept and expected latest going to panel next April. I had said that seemed quick as had heard of people that were over two years. Said that they expect home study to be 4-6 months, was a supervisor there who said if more than 6 months then she would be looking in to it as sw should complete by then. They had said that they have got budget for 3 times the social workers as have a large volume of under 2's who need a home. And that they have got new strict targets etc to make sure process is effecient and children are not in care for longer than needed.
Also said that sadly have lots of under 2's and this is area that they were getting more and more children. That obviously very few babies but that had a lots of over 1's and average age of children they placed was around 18 months. Obviously this is good news for us as we are looking to adopt an under 2 but sad to think so many young children in care system.
The adoptive father who spoke was lovely. He adopt  siblings of 3 and half and 18 months 5 years ago and then adopted again few years later and adopted 8 month old baby. Will fill my form in and get it sent away and then hopefully not too long for prep group.


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## liveinhope

Had a call at 7.45 this am to say yes    .  Our little boy will be home with us by April.  I cannot believe this is happening to us


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## Anjelissa

Hi all,

I don't have time to catch up properly as there's so much wonderful news lately!!   
I just wanted to say congratulations to everyone  

liveinhope....that's amazing news! huge congratulations! April will be here before you know it!   

It's so lovely to have seen so many of us go from the very first initial stages right through to having our lo's home and beyond, so many dreams that have come true, and so many happy families brought together    

Anj x


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## Dreams do come true

liveinhope said:


> Had a call at 7.45 this am to say yes   . Our little boy will be home with us by April. I cannot believe this is happening to us


So lovely!!!!!!!!! MASSIVE CONGRATULATIONS! x x


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## nicpic

Hi All,

Just typing and lost message so apols if this dupes. Havent been on a while and not up to date with everyone but congrats to liveinhope   just read last page. 

We are 2 visits into our HS and going really well. Our SW has asked us to consider what training we have completed or have in progress (we both work in Banking so do not have work related experience). She has been helpful in explaining this is not limited to traditional training courses and can include books read, research, DVDs/TV programmes plus our adoption course. Also I am starting some vol work at local surestart centre and my husband is a firstaider etc so can pull all of this in to 'training'.

Just after some advice on what else others have done - also am reading A Child's Jouney Through Placement' but any others recommended or DVDs? Or anything else? All help welcome!!

Thks
Nic
xxxx


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## panorama

nicpic - I helped out at Rainbows and also looked after nieces and nephews on our own, plus DH coaches cricket to boys. The surestart work sounds good! 


LIH - so many congrats!!!!! How fab, April will be here before you know it, I'm hoping cos I hate winter!   


DH finally back at work the last 2 days, and not going too bad. Yesterday was a bit tiring cos my dog decided to roll in fox poo followed by DS having the worst nappy explosion ever!! Lots of cleaning involved, nothing like easing in gently    Took him into town today on my own and he was very good, he loves Pizza Hut!    Was a very proud mummy   


Love to all xx


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## Duckling

Congratulations Spouses!! Great news!
Irish Lady how did it go?
Welcome Diamond Diva - our initial visit was just a chat about our jobs, families, how the adoption process was going to work. Good Luck.
Great news Liveinhope! Xx    
Oliver really glad you 're still feeling positive after the info eve.
Nicpic glad it's all going well.
Panorama glad you had a good trip into town - we've had some explosions in the nappy department today too    - dh blames my food and says the same thing happened to him when he first met me!!  
All going ok with our lo - have been getting a bit worried about his unwillingness to give cuddles but he came and sat on my lap tonight.  


Duckling xx


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## DiamondDiva

HI Everyone,

Thanks for all of the lovely Welcomes.

I spoke with a lovely SW yesterday and she wants to come for a home visit next wk, and asked if we can start a prep grp in 2 weeks   , ive to let her know today wether we'll be able to do that as we need to get time off work for the prep course, DH will find out today if he can get it, if we cant take the time off just now it will most likely be April/May for the next prep grp, its all so exciting and fast.  She also mentioned that if we went to the Feb grp that we will most likely be approved by December (if they accept us) and then they would start their search for a child for us, she also said they search the UK as a whole and not just our City like the LA's do, cant beleive it could all happen so quickly if they like and approve us. 

Dont think i mentioned its a voluntary agency we are going through, has anyone been through one of them before?


Liveinhope - What amazing news, Congratulations.

Nicpic - Your voluntary work sounds brilliant, just what they are looking for.

Panorama -    I had to laugh at your post, at least you sorted out the messes quick   

Duckling


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## muminthemaking

Time to come say hello!
I've been reading these boards for a verrrrry long time, following all of your ups and downs, its been amazing to read all your successes! WIth approval panel rushing towards us I figured its time to start to utilise this area.
We go to panel mon 30th, I am extremely nervous, its taken us a while to get here as things haven't exactly been straight forward, am just desperately praying that we and our social worker have done enough.
Keep sharing the good,the bad, the uglys, really keeps us all going xx


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## DiamondDiva

Best of luck muminthemaking 

Well we are booked on the prep course for February and have our 1st social worker visit next wednesday which is also DDs birthday, hope its a good omen having them both on the same day.

XDebsx


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## liveinhope

great news,  panel is now March 14th


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Lots of fab news on here today woo hoo!!!!

Off to a staff training event now...wish me luck


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## thespouses

Even better news for us today - we get custody today!

This means we can apply for passport and visa but I am quite happy hanging out in our little rented place with the baby, though I'd be even happier if it was with hubby of course. He may change his flight and get a few more days with us but after that he really needs to go back.


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## Poppets Mammy

Wow lots happening today.

Spouses - Great news, congratulations  

Mum in the Making - good luck for the 30th, im sure youll be fine, and thanks for sharing

DiamondDiva - how great things are so quick for you. Which area do you live in? We are going with a VA aswell. We are also going to a Feb prep course. We are like application buddies now, sounds like your VA moves a bit quicker than mine thou.

Well I'm shattered and feeling sad. My poor little Cavalier King Charles is having problems with his hips and knees, I'm so worried about him. It's killing me watching him struggle, we're off to the vets in the morning (doubt they'll be much use like), our young hyper springer keeps jumping all over the place oblivious to his pain and I just want to wrap him in bubble wrap and fix him. My poor little man


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## DiamondDiva

ForeverHopeful - Im in Glasgow, Hope your doggie is ok


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## Poochie1111

Just bobbing on to day hi!!!.  Not been able to post much as been so busy in work, but I am managing to keep on top of your news when I grab 5 mins.


Spouces - really lovely news at last about your LO. Good things come to those who wait as they say!! I bet you're pinching yourself every day    


DD - hello.  Glads things are going well.  I really enjoyed the prep course.  Exhausting, but got a lot out of it.


MiM - hello too!!  Lots off luck for panel of the 30th


Liveinhope - congratulations!!!!  Fantastic news about your match.  Roll on April!!   


It's great to keep reading all the stories from you ladies that have your Los at home now.  It keeps me going!!!


AFM - We've been ticking along nicely and have the dreaded checklist to go through this weekend where we choose what type of child we could take on.  I've been putting off the exercise the last few weeks because I know we've got to make some difficult decisions. 


xx


----------



## someday

i hope everyone has had a good weekend!

work came back to me today about time off for training days. they will give me one day and the other 3 have to be annual leave. I sort of thought they could meet me half way but dh thinks one day is good.

now for the first meeting on wednesday!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck someday. Lpoking forward to hearing how it goes. Ours is in 3 weeks x


----------



## DiamondDiva

Good luck Someday, We have our 1st meeting with a SW on Wednesday too and ive just realised prep group starts next week


----------



## someday

well the visit seemed to go well last night. they dont see any reason we cant go on prep course but they dont make the decision is their managers but they make a recommendation. They will give us a call next week.


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi everyone!
Gutted, was writing a nice message then laptop decided to re configure updates, gonna start over and hope I dont miss anyone
Someday and DiamondDiva, hope you're first visits went well, am sure they did, and that prep course is not too far away for you both
Greeniebop, good luck for your first meeting!
Poochie how did you get on with the checklist? We fely a bit awkward as our SW hasa child with severe learning difficulties, but in the end decided that we have to be true to ourselves and honest with our sw so that we have the best possible chance at meeting the little one meant for us.
Forever Hopeful, how is you pup now?
The Spouses - Are you home yet with your beautiful baby? How are things going?
Looby, how exciting about your next visit, hope the SW has some lovely profiles for you to look at and that your future little one is not too far away from being home with you
Duckling, Panorama, cantwaittobeammmy, liveinhope, Angelissa, Nicpic and those who I'm sure I've missed, and updates, little stories for us?
Monday is getting ever closer! I've my friend and 2 daughters coming to visit this weekend so trying to keep busy... really dont know how I'm gonna sleep sunday night though, am sooooo ready just to find out if  I will finally become a mummy! And then the wait really begins eh!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck for Monday Muminthemaking x

Glad today went well someday, fingers crossed you get that phone call sooner rather than later. Do you mind me asking what sort of things the SW asked? 3 weeks today until our visit. Patience has never been a strength of mine LOL!!!!

Take care ladies and have a lovely weekend...only 1 day to go x


----------



## DiamondDiva

Someday - Glad your meeting went well.

Muminthemaking - Just try to keep yourself as busy as possible, i know easier said than done, best of luck      

Greeniebob - The SW just asked why we wanted to adopt, if we were still TTC and what TX's we had done and the timescales for each one, how long we'd been together, why we felt we would be good parents to an adoptive child, she also explained that parenting an adoptive child would be different to how we parent our DD as their understanding of things would be different, it seemed to go well, we're looking forward to starting prep next week, think we are the only couple who are parents already.

Hope everyone is well
xx


----------



## Poochie1111

MinM - we found the checklist incredibly hard.  Our SW was given disapproving noises as if she didn't approve with some of our choices.  Felt so guilty!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi guys,

Muminthemaking - Thanks for asking, my doggy is doing grand now. Panic over   They are my babies (at the min anyway)

Well ive had a week full of child protection at work which has been very emotionally drainning, then today ive been on child protection trainning which has been booked for ages and just happened to fall on an awful week. Sitting in a room with a load of professionals from differnet fields, on coffee and lunch breaks the general chat questions start which always lead to ' So do you have children??', I knew it was coming and im sick to death of just saying 'no' and leaving it at that so I told someone sitting next to me that we were going to adopt when she asked and she was very positive in her response  So when I got asked the question by someone else in front of a group of people I replied 'Well not just yet, but very soon I expect' and the person I had told early gave me a cheeky wink and a grin. I know its nothing ground breaking but just felt good telling a total stranger about it. 
Now I just need to tell all my colleugues, a few close ones know but I work in a large department and not everyone knows. The department has a prediction list of who will be pregnant next and Im top of the list  . I dont want to turn around and say 'Well actually I cant have children and so we are going to adopt and make everyone feel bad when there ignorance is inicent really. The profession I work in means that everyone just expects that everyone is very fertile and if not they have infertility treatment successfully and bobs your uncle. My immediate team leader said to me the other day that its very exciting as she has never known anyone in the department adopt so im unique in that respect. Its hard just suddenly announcing it, especially when most dont even know about the infertility treatment etc. Ive kept everything quiet for so long that ive dug myself a big hole, but the time has come to climb out of it. Just need to find the right way to break the news. Im thinking of telling the department gossips and letting them spread it, hahaha. I know a few members of staff (who I am not friendly with) have very judgemental and negative attitudes about the LO's in care and Im no doubt going to get negative reactions from them, but they can go stuff themselves, I dont value their opinion nor do I wish to care what they think. Its going to be a tricky announcement!

Sorry for ranting, just wanted to share


----------



## Arrows

Forever Hopeful, I can understand. Now we're so far through I've told most people at work we've applied to adopt, but I recommend you say you've applied to do it, not that you ARE doing it. I'm sure everything will go fine and you'll be able to say YAY it's happened and we get a child in X-weeks time but it's a long process. We first applied in June 2010, started homestudy after lots of delays in July 2011 and going to panel in Feb 2012, but it may be 3 months or 2 years after that that we get a child. Already i get comments of 'any news?' 'when are you getting a kid?' I swear that it's almost as bad as telling people you're ttc and having them ask every day are you pregnant yet!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Arrows - Thank you for your advise. I do tend to word it as ' we are going through the adoption process' or 'we are applying to adopt' but I will pay much more attention to the terms I use now. Even with the few people who know I've already experienced questions like ' so how's it going? Any news'?' despite making it clear back in Sept 2011 that we needed to wait until Feb 2012 to go on a prep course before the official application process even starts. But people don't listen properly and they get excited and think it will happen now and then, they don't understand the process like we do.
Thanks again for the heads up and advice  
Xx


----------



## MrsYG

Hello girls, sorry I have AWOL for a few weeks! We've just returned from 2 lovely weeks in Mexico, which was a much needed break following the Home Study and Approval Panel. Our SW said she would ring us yesterday, but never did  !!!! So we were a bit disappointed to have not heard anything as she was giving some indication that she may have a LO in mind. So the fact she didn't ring has brought us down to earth with a bump!

There has been lots of good news on here, I haven't read all the way back, but welcome to the new girls *Diamond Diva, Nicpic, muminthemaking *and *Someday  *

Massive  to *Liveinhope* and *The Spouces, *what fabulous news! So thrilled for you.

*Foreverhopeful - *I always make my announcements very matter of fact these days. Like its the most normal thing to do, but I guess its easier for me because we told everyone about the IVF anayway, so its not a shock to them. If you don't want constant questions, wait until your matched 

*Poochie1111 - *The dreaded checklist... just be honest about what you are comfortable with, it does nobody any good if you agree to something just because you feel guilty about it. Good luck!

Well I hope I haven't missed anyone, sorry If i have! Fingers crossed our SW calls soon!

xxx


----------



## MrsYG

A little update from us, SW didn't ring because she ended up taking Holidays before she lost them.  So DH spoke to her yesterday, and she said we've been very popular on the Consortium register and she wants to come and see us one day next week to talk us.... I presume about possible matches     ... DH didn't clarify exactly what!    

So very exciting. 

MrsYG xx


----------



## someday

typical men eh!! im so pleased she got in touch! hope she's got some good for you.xxx


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

Hi everyone sorry been AWOL!! Welcome to everyone and good luck with it all. No excuses for being AWOL really Bubba is great but really struggling with hubby doing shifts so have had a couple of nights this week where she hasn't gone to sleep until 9!!! She isn't really in any routine either re sleep so its a bit of a challenge as soon as she goes in buggy or car seat she is in the land of nod no matter what time of the day!!! Everything else is amazing she is still changing everyday and her personality is really coming out now its lovely, she said DUCK today and was so pleased with herself she said nothing else for about an hour    so funny!!! We had our first shared bath with our nephews tonight and she was great!


----------



## MrsYG

AAA - Fab news, so glad your LO is settling in, I was wondwring were you had got ... aleast you know you've been missed!  x


----------



## muminthemaking

Hello!
Just to let you all know, we went to approval panel this morning and have been approved to adopt 2 children aged 0-4     
We are both so thrilled and fell that a massive weight has been lifted of our shoulders. We both slept well last night but with 2 hours to go til panel I was feeling very nervous and thankful that I'd done my make up early as dont think hands could have coped otherwise! We even managed some breakfast!
We got to panel about 10 mins before but then waited for about 40 mins whilst they discussed another case, there was then abour another 15 mins before we went in, this time was filled with alot of nervous laughter from me and the social worker and dh offering reassurances.
When we got into panel I prob spent the first 10 mins shaking and sweating before getting down to things, everyone was friendly and smiley. We had about 6 questions mainly to do with support and returning to work. I was also asked about my bmi, which had never been mentioned in homestudy! We managed to make them all laugh a couple of times, and to be honest by the end I did think that we had come across quite well, and that it hadn't been as bad as I'd thought it would be, dont get me wrong it is sooooo scary having the most important interview of your life, but, about 10-15 mins after leaving the room, the chairwoman and our sw come out to congratulate us, and that of course makes it all worthwhile!
Now we wait, hopefully not too long thought!
MIM


----------



## someday

that is fab! i am so pleased for you. a great age range too! do you know when you get to meet them?xxxx


----------



## swallowtail

Wow! Many congrats to you xxx


----------



## muminthemaking

ooooh sorry, prob didnt make it clear, this was to be approved to adopt, haven't been matched to any children yet


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations Mum in the making.  Hope the wait is not too long


----------



## Poochie1111

Congratulations MinM - some celebratory dancing bananas are in order


----------



## someday

muminthemaking said:


> ooooh sorry, prob didnt make it clear, this was to be approved to adopt, haven't been matched to any children yet


ah sorry i read that you had been matched to two! hope its not too long xxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Congrats mr & mrs mim x x

I've a week to go til panel and getting v nervous. Whilst I'm fine with this situation in work cos it means soo much personally it's so nerve wracking. Really worried that panel focus on my BMi as its far from ideal!! Just hope they see all the other positive stuff.

X


----------



## Worththewait

hi everyone, many congrats to all of you have have been approved and matched recently.  we r still going home study and hope to be at panel by april all being well, i have a question though. our social worker has asked us to put together our personal profiles.  Im just wondering wat you put in urs? is it so basic as in my name is, i am 35 yrs old i am the eldest of 4 children i am married to etc or is it more focused on why u have applied to adopt?  id be grateful for any advice please.  Thanks a lot everyone x


----------



## nutmeg

Hello everyone, may I join you? DH & I are starting prep sessions next month and we're very excited about it. Hoping to get to know you all well over the coming months.


----------



## skyblu

Congrats muminthemaking, hope the wait si not to long for you.
Skyblu.xx


----------



## MrsYG

MIM - Congratulations      Its a great feeling isn't it... hope you get a quick match.

x


----------



## panorama

MIM - big congrats!! Hope your LO(s) find you soon! xx


----------



## AoC

Hi guys.  

Big congrats, MIM!  What great news!  So exciting - I hope a match comes soon for you.

Had a bit of a milestone today.  Not a big one, but it felt nice.    Dropped off our application with our VA (after we switched from LA to VA recently).  They have a lovely office on the edge of a village, just five minutes' drive from where I work.  The office is in a comfortable cluster of old, courtyard buildings in warm, red sandstone, looking out over open fields just greening towards spring.  The trees are bare against a leaden sky, but alive with birds chattering and feeding, fluffing their feathers against the cold.  There's a sense that the whole world is holding its breath for the first joyous shout of spring.

New beginnings.

Lovely.  

Had to laugh: the application form for the VA is about a third of the size and detail of the PRE-application form from the LA.  It seems the LA front load a LOT of the work to pre-application, so that they've done much of the work before the official '8 months' clock starts ticking.  I see the sense of that, but it just means it lengthens the applicants' experience of applying, even though it can shorten the bit of the process that 'counts'.

OTOH, we've now got a lot of the info that the VA will need, readily prepared.

It's all good.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Wohoooooooo Congratulations to MIM, lovely news. Hope you find your LO's soon.

Welcome Nutmeg, we are a much slower paced forum to the fertility ones. There plenty of experience, support and advise on here. Sounds like we are at the same stage, we start our Prep next week. Can't wait 

AOC- if your not a writer you should be. What a wonderful description and image you created of your VA office. You have a way with words. Congratulations on your milestone ;-) xx


----------



## Poochie1111

AoC - hello again. Hope things go well with your new VA.  If I remember correctly from a couple of years ago, you ARE a writer. Am i right?


WtW - our SW asked us to write profiles on each other.  It's a bit easier and lovely to read. Add in interests, hobbies and describe what they are like as a person.


Welcome Nutmeg!!


----------



## GERTIE179

Nutmeg & worth the wait - welcome and love the names ;-)
I struggled to get going with my personal profile and thus was very 'Im Gertie, 31 been married to Mr G etc etc All fine though. Most of it is to train you and the rest is to let SW explore who and what you u are for the probing parts of HS. You will be fine 

G xox


----------



## Arrows

MIM huge congrats!

AFU,
Our LA have screwed up yet again and yesterday -3wks before panel- the head SW informed us that they hadn't done the checks they should have -international ones for DH's gap year and language year at uni, and although having 7 references and 5 glowing testimonials, they need additional references from everyone who i and DH have worked for in a children related capacity  They have told us this will result in around 2mths delay in going to panel. Devastated.
I've since had an email from our personal SW wh0 is doing her best to get it all sorted this week so we can still go ahead but not a good situation. I swear -once we are approved they are getting the worst complaint letter ever!!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Poochie - that made me giggle, I'd be suprised if AOC is not a writer.

Arrows- how annoying   I'd be fuming. Fingers crossed they pull their finger out and get it sorted   xx


----------



## Miny Moo

Arrows -  Wait until after you are matched for complaining, you will need them for them on side for that.

AoC - Your post about the application form made me smile, as 2nd time adopters, 1st time with VA I remember being surprised at how little information was required on the Official application form, this time we are using an LA an I ended up coping a few thing's from our original PAR into the application form. Was like doing 1/2 our HS up front!!!!


----------



## AoC

Guilty as charged.    Yeah, I'm a writer.  Intermittently and rarely these days - IF & TX rather kicked my creativity out of doors - and the full-time day job is far more boring and less fulfilling, but I've had a couple of things published.  

But I just like fixing those magic moments in words, and sharing them.  Thought you'd enjoy it.  

Thanks for the affirmation, FH!  

Hey Poochie.    *waving*

Arrows, that sucks!  Not that it needs doing, but that they haven't anticipated and done it.  Grrrrrr!  (((((hugs))))) for you, and I hope your SW can pull it off and they get you to panel this time.

Yes, that's what it felt like MM!  But without the sense of actually achieving something and moving forward, you know?


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi everyone!
We're still on cloud 9 as you can imagine but fully aware this will probably be the hardest part now as we eagerly await out little one/ones. Hopefully our SW should have registered us with the consortium by now so things could be happening as I write   . We've a new social worker who we met twice before approval panel alongside our prevous sw so we're trying to arrange a time for her to come over and get to know us a bit more and so she can tell us what happens from here, unfortunately we cant do her times next week so having to wait 2 weeks, which isn't long in the grand scheme of things, we text this am and I said that gives her 2 weeks to find out babies   , to which she replied, "great, no pressure then!" lol.
Arrows   a week before our panel my sw phoned asking for a ref from my ex, who I have not seen since 2003 and who now lives in Oz! I was fortunate in that I still have a good relationship with his mum (think she'll be a surrogate granma!) and both she and the ex did a ref and had it to sw within 48 hrs. So really our par wasn't completed til the weds before panel which was on  monday. I really hope it gets sorted, delyas are so frustrating! I agree with MM, hold off on that complaint til after matching, need to keep them on side for now x 
So who's for panel next? Think it might be you Gertie, they do like to have a whinge about BMI but it sounds to me like you've made some positive steps, and I really do think bmi is not a good indicator of your fitness levels and ability to parent, infact most rugbyplayers would be classed as obese due to their muscle content if we focused just on bmi, personally I prefer to focus on their legs and bums!   
Just thinking its hard sometimes keeping up with where everyone is at, wonder if some kind of list can be put at the start of the thread so that we can keep up with everyone??


----------



## MrsYG

MITM - What a great idea... I struggle to keep up with everyone too.  Admin... can you sort this?

Our SW is coming out to see us Friday night to give us an update after our hols... was hoping she'd have some good news, but I think its just a catch up and to clarify matching preferences    sigh!!!


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hi All

been keeping up with what you are all up to and i see there are lots of new faces to so to speak! So hello and welcome. Sooooo finally seeing an end to our home study with just one  possibly 2 more meetings left whoo hoo. Have to say though we have actually enjoyed our home study so to all those feeling unsure about starting there's, try not to fret to much as they really are not that bad and I am not someone that likes talking about myself!  

Will keep you updated with any progress but so far hoping for a May Panel date


----------



## shuvit

HI All  

This is the first time for me on any kind of forum - so be gentle....

Myslef and DH have just completed our prep course last week (after waiting since our initial visit last march!!!)  handed in our formal applications on the last day of the course

Seems very daunting but we are so excited at the same time - how long was it for everyone before your case was passed to a SW??  What is the next stage of the process that we should expect??

I despise the waiting game...  

xx


----------



## skyblu

Shuvit, love the name  and welcome,

All LA's and VA are different but you should here from your LA/VA within 2 weeks to let you know when you will be assigned a social worker. If you don't hear anything within the 2 weeks I would give them a ring.
I hope your prep course was not to daunting for you and good luck with your adoption journey.
PM if you have any more questions I will be happy to help in any way I can.
Skyblu.xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,

Just stopping in to say hello   
There seem to be so many people here now, it's hard to keep up!   
Welcome to all the newcomers   , and congratulations and good luck to all those where applicable   (I know that's a real cheat and I should be reading back properly to catch up and write personals  ).
It's difficult to find the time now though  . 
I keep popping in to see if there's news, you are in my thoughts, I just don't have time for lots of personals any more   .

I know a couple of you a few pages back asked that those of us with little ones already placed keep popping in with news as we help as a reminder of how worth it it all is when the HS and waiting gets hard.  
Our little Nemo is doing really well, has now been with us almost a year and a half (I don't know where that time has gone!   )
He's a wonderful, adorable little boy, we love him to bits and can't imagine life without him!   
To those of you going through tough parts of the process, hang in there, the end goal is so very worth every bit of it   

Luv Anj x


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

Hi everyone OMG there are so many new people on here i don't have a hope of keeping up please don't take it personally.

Arrows I would defo send in a complaint but might be worth waiting until your lo's are home    

Good Luck to everyone 

A Bubba update she is doing so well and is a real little monkey I feel like have run a marathon today she is getting so quick on her feet now and into every single draw she can reach!! I came out of the shower this morning to find her in her bedroom with a pile of pink muslins and swimming costumes all around her!!! Couldn't help but laugh!! Just more washing for mum mum as Bubba is full of cold bless her. SW and health visitor tomorrow so don't think she will be a happy bubba so might be doing a lot of walking in between visits!!

Keep strong everyone


----------



## Duckling

Hi all,
How strange AAA - came on to post quickly and yours popped up!   Glad all ok - totally agree with the walking thing - my lo won't sleep in the day unless we go out in the pushchair or car! So been doing loads of walking...
So sorry everyone I'm not doing personals, know there must be congratulations and welcomes.          Our lo has been home 3 weeks tomorrow - it has gone so quickly. He is changing every day - he has become so loving and loves to laugh    - has started a thing of screaming when he doesn't get his own way over the last two days though!    Have to pinch myself that this is real. Stick in there everyone who's waiting, waiting , waiting xx

P.S. hi Anj   
love from Duckling xxx


----------



## AoC

muminthemaking said:


> most rugbyplayers would be classed as obese due to their muscle content if we focused just on bmi, personally I prefer to focus on their legs and bums!


Mmmm...... thighs.......


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Well Ladies, if theres one thing I love doing its organising, and seeing as a few have mentioned a list so we can keep track of each other more, I thought Id take the honours of making one. Please Add/Edit/Remove yourself accordingly, dont mean any offense if I have gotten any info wrong or missed anyone off. Ive only read back a few pages and tried to work out where people are in the process etc from their profiles.

*Initial Enquiries*

Elmoeleven -

Someday -

Greeniebop -

Swallowtail -

*Prep Course*

Shuvit - Jan 2012 Prep Course

Foreverhopefull - Feb 2012 Prep Course

AoC - Feb 2012 Prep Course

Cantwaittobeamommy - May 2012 Prep Course

*Home Study*

Gertie 179 - A/W Panel 06/02/12

Watakerfuffle -

Miny moo -

Arrows - A/W Panel 23/02/12

Skyblu - A/W Panel 01/03/12

*Approved*

Mrs YG - Approved Dec 2011

Muminthemaking - Approved Jan 2012

*Matched/Introductions*

Liveinhope -

Irishlady -

Galaxy Girl - Matched and Hoping to take LO's home March 2012

*New forever Mammys *  

Anjelissa

AAA is a MAMMY

Duckling

Panorama

Daizy

KG81

Popsi

Sweets x

Lulu 2003

Dame Edna


----------



## Anjelissa

Thanks for that Forever Hopefull   
I have looked after a few lists on FF over the years (tx related ones) as, like you, I love to organise  .
It took up quite a bit of time though as due to tx moving at a faster pace I was forever updating them!    
I had to save one of them to a word document in the end as it was quite long (with dates etc) and that was easier to change it before copying it into the thread from time to time.
In the end a helpful admin person moved it to the top of page one so that I could easily find it to update it. Maybe someone could do that for you here   

It'll be lovely to see clearly and in one place how everyone's doing   
Lots of luck   

Hi AAA and Duckling   Hope you and your littlies are well   

Love Anj x


----------



## Betty-Boo

Dear all - there's also the sticky thread on the top of this board:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=272610.0

 More than happy to add peeps as required - please PM your details, may help the info not getting lots in amongst all the posts ..

 Forever Hopefull - a Volunteer in the making

  Mini xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Anjelissa - The list we had on the tx thread I was on used to get copied and pasted by everyone, so each time it needed updating the person it was regarding did it themselves, cant imagine one person being responsible for it, I bet that was very hard to keep up with. I used to have the list saved to a word document as well simply so I could refer to it while posting   What we like?!  

Mini Minx - Well you never know  

XxX


----------



## GERTIE179

Thx MIM that made me   lots
Think I'm next. Would you believe we still don't have a letter about it! I text SW and all as she said but was a bit worried for a minute. I'm nervous but just trying not to think about it til tue morn. Work busy so that's a good :-$ distraction.
Hi to all the newbies. Think thesis the busiest I have seen the boards :-D

Xx


----------



## galaxy girl

Thanks for list forever hopeful... we are linked and hope to have wee ones home by March.......trying to buy cots etc like crazy!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Ive editied the list for you Galaxy Girl, Wow what an exciting time for you   xx


----------



## skyblu

Hi forever hopfull

Thanks for the list, we are due to go to panel on 1/3/2012 not start home study. 
Hope all are well
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Arrows

Good luck Gertie!
Thanks Hopefull. 

AFU, okay, so our SW is doing double time to try and get everything done for us ASAP. the French Embassy have responded very quickly and told us we'll have our report within a few days (big yay!) so now just waiting on the Italian Embassy who haven't ev en responded to my DH yet... Keep fingers crossed for us....


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Woops, it was supposed to say that Skyblu, sorry   

Ive updated it xx


----------



## AoC

Lovely job, FH.    Our prep course is end of Feb.

'Scuse short posts - v tired from work!


----------



## Anjelissa

Forever Hopefull said:


> Anjelissa - The list we had on the tx thread I was on used to get copied and pasted by everyone, so each time it needed updating the person it was regarding did it themselves, cant imagine one person being responsible for it, I bet that was very hard to keep up with. I used to have the list saved to a word document as well simply so I could refer to it while posting  What we like?!


Yeh, it was one of those things that just kinda escalated!  
Unfortunately as it was quite a general thread (I think I called it '2008 is our Year') we had people with a huge variety of situations, from having a break from tx, currently on tx, adoption, fostering etc so it got quite complicated, especially with keeping up with dates etc and actioning all my msg requests to update  .
I was however very proud of my list as it had all pretty emoticons and was colour coded etc   
No way I could do that now that little pickle has arrived  I don't think I'd have the patience now either.

Looking at your list, it's amazing how many people have joined this thread now isn't it! 

Anj x


----------



## funnychic

Hi
Just wanted to say hi this is my first day on this site, I am just waiting to start homestudy which I am a bit nervous about it but the end result will be worth all the effort.  I have been lurking on other sites and to be honest have been particularly worried about some of the posts, infact nearly all the posts are people asking for advice as their children seem to have more problems than they can manage.  Whilst I appreciate that most people who are settled, happy and without issues wont be using these boards it would be lovely to hear from people who have adopted Little's with little/no issues to date. 
From what I have read so far it seems this site offers a very well balanced view with some lovely supportive people, so glad it was recommended to me.


----------



## Sleepymole

Hi all 
I have been reading all the posts for about 6 months now so fully up to speed but not introduced myself yet - can you add me to the list please under initial enquiries?

We have been to our open evening (North West LA) but we have to wait until July to apply as have to wait for 12 months after last IVF (We had 3 that didn't work), prep group is Sept so hoping we get on that  

Look forward to getting to know you all  

L x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi Everyone

Completeely missed this thread and went straight to a diary.

myself and dh made the inital enquiry 3 weeks ago had a telephone interview 1 week ago and we have our 1st sw home visit in 2 weeks time. im so nervous i love reading everyones storys give us so much hope.

looking forward to getting to know you all 

emma xx


----------



## swallowtail

Hello Sleepymole & Emma,


I don't post very often, as early days for us but good luck to you both! Like you I find the thread a massive help and inspiration. 


Counting down the days until we can apply...5 months down, 27 days to go!   

Our local LA told us to wait 12 months to apply Sleepymole, but the neighbouring borough said only 6 months so we are going with them. 


xx


----------



## shuvit

Hi Funnychic  
Welcome
It is only my third day on here and I have gained so much already
I am hoping to start home study soon also  (prep course was last week)
Hope all goes well with you


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Looks like the newbies are gatecrashing!! 

Hi everyone   Like the above ladies this journey is still very new for us (although in my head I have lived it for years if you can understand that?)  We are currently waiting on our initial visit with SW after telephone interview and submitting first set of paperwork to LA.  

I have been reading many of your posts for a few months now, trying to pluck up the courage to post, silly I know  Your stories are so inspiring and it gives me hope for the future and realising my dream.

Love to you all, Lolly xxxxx


----------



## skyblu

Welcome, Lolly,Emma, Swallowtail and sleepymole. 
Congratulations on starting the adoption journey. 

AFM, Well ladies we have had bad news today, we have been deferred for 12 months as we have both failed our medicals.
Mine has been rectified by not having the hysterectomy as my condition has improved through new medication and my surgeon said not to go through with the op due to a high risk of damage to my bowel and bladder. Social services are a bit worried it might be short term and want to wait to see how I am in a few months and then on top of that my dh(idiot, sorry still angry with him) has been caught smoking, which I didn't know about  he has been having a *** or two when he goes for a pint which is maybe 2 a week.
We argued that he does not smoke at home or near me (as I didn't know until today) and hasn't had a *** since last Saturday.
But they have their rules about smoking and fair play to our s/w she did her best to resolve it but BAFF are adamant that smoking is smoking wether it is 1 or 10 and not around the home or child.
If we were going for a child over 5yrs there wouldn't be a problem. We did say we would think about over 5's but our s/w is not happy as she knows it is not what we want.
So we have got another year to wait to go to panel (as long as dopey dh doesn't have a ***).
She is coming to see us again in March to see if there any changes and she is hoping that she can continue with our assessment in 6-9 months time so we are ready to go straight to panel in 12 months.
Also with the new shake up for adoption in March/April things may change, but I can't see the smoking rule changing.

To say we are gutted is an understatement, but we have waited 16 yrs to have a chiled I just hope the next 12 months will fly buy.
I would like to thank you all for your support since we have started this journey and good luck to you all at what ever stage you are at.
I properly wont be posting as much for a while but will check in to see how you are all doing.
A word of warning - if any of you or your dh's smoke a sneaky *** now and then give up before you get caught, it is not worth it.
If any one on here knows how we can over turn this please let me know.
Skyblu.xx


----------



## skyblu

Forever hopefull,

On the list I think it will be best to put me on deferred home study for 12 months hoping for panel in January 2013.
I hope this o.k.
Skyblu.xx


----------



## funnychic

Hi shuvit

My prep course was last week too! Where about's in the country are you? Maybe we can keep in touch with our progress?

Best wishes


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Yippee. Hello and Welcome to the Newbies, I was hoping the list would encourage a few out of the wood work so to speak. There's a few of us just getting started, will be nice to go thru it together   I've added you all into the initial enquiries section, keep us updated and I'm sure you'll find this forum helpful xx

Skyblu - I'm Gobbsmacked and absolutely gutted for you! They seem like such ridiculous reasons! Are you not allowed any ill health once an adoptive parent? I mean who's to say that any of us will be perfectly well in the years after adopting, a medical should access your current health, not try and predict possible future problems. If that were the case we would all fail as we all have future possible problems, that's just life. As for your DH, be easy on him. He won't of ever dreamed that this would happen, I bet he feels very guilty and just as gutted as you. Who on earth caught him?? Plenty ppl have the odd one on nights out or special occasions but if your not smoking daily/regularly or buying them etc I don't think it should count. What harm could that possibly cause! It does these kids more harm being in limbo in the care system. Stupid strict red tape, why can't these ppl have use some common sense for a change   Ive edited the list, please stay in touch and take care XxX


----------



## Old Timer

Welcome to you both   
I can guess the site you refer to and yes, it can be very daunting to read    It can also be a great source of information but not at the start of your journey.
I have 2 children, a boy placed at 27 months who will be 6 soon and a girl placed at 14 months 4 months ago.  DS was classed as 'challenging' and willful and yes, he is very stubborn but the majority of the time he is a very 'normal' little boy who is getting on well at school and is popular with his peers and adults.  DD is gorgeous and behaviour etc all age appropriate.
For us we look at 'normal' behaviour etc first and then look at adoption stuff, we have family members who put everything down to adoption with their children and have really limited their lives without real need.  
Be as open minded as possible, read and learn as much as you can, continue to read well past placement, celebrate the good times and deal with the bad times but remember parenting is hard work, no one really ever tells you just how hard it can be even with birth children, how they get under your skin and really push the buttons til it drives you to distraction.  No one is perfect all the time and you don't have to be, just good enough.  
Our daily life is no different to our family and friends, adoption has been openly discussed since the day DS moved in, but I know that there could be difficult times ahead and by reading, researching and doing training I am preparing myself as much as I can for those times.  We may never get any major issues but I'd rather be prepared for them just in case.
Good luck, be honest and it will be worth it.
OT x


----------



## skyblu

Thank you Forever hopefull for your kind words.
Unfortunately when dh did his medical he didn't think and said he had the odd one when he went out and his Dr wrote it down, so it's on paper.
Yes he is feeling quilt and feels just as gutted, but he just didn't think, he was asked a question and answered it, even though he said he was not a smoker, just had the odd one.
Our s/w is just as gutted and if it wasn't down on paper we might of got away with it, but yes it is bloody ridiculous.

Thanks again 
Skyblu.xx


----------



## Arrows

Skyblu, I'm so, so sorry. :-( You must be devastated. Huge, huge hugs. xx


----------



## oliver222

Skyblu really sorry to hear that. Such a shame.

Can I also be added to list. I am also at start of journey. Have been to info evening and sent in forms and awaiting news of prep group.


----------



## AoC

Oh Sky, I'm so sorry, that's so, so upsetting and frustrating.  I would be raging at DH!  But even if he hadn't told the Doc, and he'd had one of those breath test things, even a couple a week would show up.  ((((((hugs))))))  Frankly, I'd use this situation to insist he use a proper Stop Smoking Service, because the mentoring and check ups would keep him honest.  

I'm glad it's only deferred, rather than rejected.  Can you use the independent review mechanism to challenge, or reduce the deferred period?  ((((((more hugs))))))


----------



## AoC

Sorry, meant to say hi to new posters, but now I'm late... must rush!


----------



## liveinhope

Big hugs to you Sky Blu - I cant imagine how devastated you feel right now.  I really hope that ypu can come back in a year, ready to become a family.

Hi to the new bies, you are very welcome here.

AFM - all going according to plan - we are meeting little one's foster carers on Monday.  It still doesnt feel real though, even though there's only 5 weeks to go.

Love toy everyone xx


----------



## someday

so sorry to read that skyblu xxxx


----------



## someday

when is the new list of current posters? I'm sure i saw it last night.


----------



## Betty-Boo

The current posters list is a sticky topic at the top of the page, initially only the moderators could update, as *Forever Hopefull* has set up a new list, I've set it up so she can update as required  .

Any Q's - please PM me.

Mini xx


----------



## shuvit

Old Timer - Thank you for words of wisdom - it is daunting at this early stage but it is all for a good cause...

Funnychic - I am in the North West


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww   Sky Blu - I cant imagine how devastated you feel right now
i would definately try and challenge and see if the wait time can be reduced 

G xox


----------



## someday

welcome funnychic and shuvit. im fairly new too as we are just about to start our prep course. all very scary but so exciting!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thank you for the warm welcome everyone  

Sky Blu i'm so angry for your situation.  I know the rules are strict and there for a reason but does the odd cig every once in a while mean that your DH will be a bad father, no.  Is being placed into a stable and loving family home in a child in cares best interest, surely yes.  Sad to know that if he had not been so honest maybe you could have 'gotten away with it'.  And also with regard to your health, it appears to all be 'what ifs', and as Forever hopefull said, that could apply to any one of us.  They really do judge every aspect of your lives.  I wish you well  

Lolly xxxx


----------



## Poochie1111

Skyblu - I'm so sorry to read about your being deferred. That's so gutting. You were doing so well. As the others have said, I would be totally raging at your DH about have a sneaky cig or two.      


Welcome to all the newbies.


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi everyone!
Loving that this thread is really moving, great to see so many people here, looking forward to sharing this crazy journey with you all!
Skyblu, that must be so gutting! I know I too would be fuming with dh if something like that happened, seems a shame to have to wait a whole year, but hopefully like you said your homestudy will be able to be completed in the meantime and a panel date set for as soon as the year is up.. I feel so bad for you, and agree with Forever Hopeful and Lolly about more damage being done to these children left in the care system.
Good job on the list FH, will definitely make it easier to track people and where they're at.
Liveinhope, good luck for your meeting on monday with the foster carers, it wont be long til your lil ones is home where they belong!
As for me, seems like every hour of every day is consumed by adoption, I've had the most vivid dreams this week where dh and I have been looking at profiles, and in one dream met a little girl who we'd said we didn't think was right for us but SS arranged introductions with anyway. Bizarre! I really hope things in my head calm down otherwise its gonna be torturous waiting to be matched!
We have go some things planned in the next 2 months including a weekend in cornwall and a weekend in Barcelona but all I really want to do is start decorating and nesting! Also I am so ready to be finished from work for at least a year, things are just manic at the moment, just wanna be at home with my baby/babies! I know you all feel the same, or have been where I am now, so good to be able to come and let it all out in a place where everyone understands


----------



## MrsYG

Wow... whats happened on here!!! The board has gone mental with newbies  Welcome all newbies   Nice to see a few from NW too, you'll no doubt come under our consortium  
*FH*- Great job with the list... very helpful!
*Skyblu*- sorry to hear about your deferral, I'd be fuming.  
*MIM* - Lol at your dreams, I have those all the time. Last one we had to take the dogs to intros, and when we got there the LO was 8yo, and we were expecting a 2yo. 

We saw SW last night to clarify a few points regarding matching criteria. She had one which was a possible, but then when she received more info, she didn't feel so sure. So back to waiting.... i trust her, so it was obviously the right decision. 
Hope everyone is wrapping up warm, or having fun with your LO's! 
Have a good weekend


----------



## watakerfuffle

Wow it's super busy on here now! To much for me to keep up with so im sorry for lack of personals. I am very excited as I have a confirmed panel date for end of May, whoop whoop!


----------



## .45074

Hi All
Whilst the newbies are out in force I thought I'd join them! I have been reading this section of the site for the past year or so and have found it invaluable.
We have felt ready to start the adoption process since the beg of 2011 but we have not been able to commence due to needing to a wait a period of time after a miscarriage and then losing my mum after a short illness last year. So now we can't wait to get started!
We attended an info day early last year and we submitted our initial forms to the LA in Jan. We are now waiting for a prep group date which is another wait as not until June! We've bought loads of books so are spending this time reading and doing up our house.
I'm looking forward to getting to know you all over the coming months.


----------



## Arrows

Welcome to the board Jem


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Well, hasn't this forum really come alive recently, its great. Lots of newbies  

Skyblu - I misunderstood your post, I thought DH had literally been caught red handed as in your social worker saw him at the pub or something. So he declared it on his medical Doh! I agree with Lolly that Its stupid that you's are getting punished for your DH being honest, and if he had simply not declared his sneaky hobby it wouldnt be an issue. I deff think you should appeal to reduce the defer. Good luck xx

Mini Minx - Thats great, thanks Very much. 

Please let me know if theres any alterations/updates to the list needed

We have our 1st day of Prep Course Tommorrow, Yipeeeeee Cant wait. On a unrealated note, our two dogs went for a swimming lesson yesterday (yes read right) and it was hilarious, thought Id share that  

XxX


----------



## DiamondDiva

HI Everyone.

Skyblu - What frustrating news for you both, at least you'll be able to go to panel next yr           

MIM - Sounds like some wonderful weekends away while waiting, hope its not too long           

Forever Hopeful - Fab list, must have taken ages, the doggie swimming lesson sounds fun  . Best of luck for tomorrow, we have our 1st session on Tuesday.

MrsYG,- Good luck with the matching           

Jem - Welcome  

xLollyx - Welcome  

Well after our 1st SW visit seemed to go well last wk i got a call this wk from the SW with some concerns, 1st about our home, she thinks it may be a little on the small side but all she saw of it was our hallway and lounge, she came in at 6.30pm when it was really dark outside and didnt even see much of our street never mind anything else, we had our dining room doors closed and we think she may have thought that to be the kitchen (dining room backs on to the lounge) she also had concerns about our 2 dogs (Weimaraners) and how friendly they were, she said they were too friendly and some people may be put off by this, she suggested putting them outside or give them to someone else to look after when we are allocated a SW and they come to visit, she also mentioned that some kids are terrified of dogs and we may need to think about rehoming them if we are approved as adopters and TBH although its not something we considered we would re-home them if it came to it, we'll discuss it with her at the prep grp on Tuesday, its our 1st session and we cant wait.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Diamond Diva -Ive just replied to your post in the 'dog assessment' thread, I am gobsmacked that your dogs friendlyness is an issue. Enjoy your 1st day of Prep, its exciting isnt it  

XxX


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

sky I am so sorry hun    

Hi to all newbies I can't believe how quickly things are moving on here, sorry no hope of keeping up!!

Bubba loves the snow we had a fab time in it today!! We weren't out long as she doesn't have any suitable footwear, so she had tights on under leggings and we used sandwich bags on her feet then socks and slippers LOL but it worked and she loved it!! Hee hee I have always loved playing in the snow and now I can with out looking like a weirdo, we went for a walk after she had been changed and I was just kicking snow everywhere big kid but a really special day for me!


----------



## skyblu

Foreverhopfull - Yep my hubby is a big DOH, massive DOH.
Hope you enjoy prep tomorrow, it was a great experience for me and met a great lady who I think and hope will be a forever friend.
It is so nice to be somewere, were everyone is in the same situation as yourself. 

AAA - Your story of playing in the snow with your lo brought tears to my eyes, I am so pleased for you 

Dimonddiva - I replied to your other thread about dogs and the thing about your home Begin to small, you have got one weired S/W.
We have a small 2 bedroom bungalow a kitchen/dinner a lounge and bathroom we have a big garden but believe me when I say we have a small house.
Good luck and enjoy your first day of prep 

Skyblu.xx


----------



## .45074

Forever Hopeful- I hope you enjoy your first day of prep today   

Diamond Diva- The SW comments sound a bit odd when she hasn't looked at the whole house! Like you said, hopefully you can clarify a bit further with her on Tuesday.

Skyblu- I've been reading back in more detail over the past few pages, I'm so sorry that your panel has had to be deferred...I hope you are feeling as ok as you can be at the moment.

AAA- sounds like a lovely day for you! I stayed wrapped up indoors yesterday and not looking forward to navigating the ice today!

x


----------



## someday

we are definately up for prep course next week and beginning of march. our LA do 4 days but split it up so we will do 2 days next week and 2 days beginning of march. I'm scared, nervous and excited!!


----------



## swallowtail

Congrats, someday!    I am eagerly waiting to hear when ours will be. Good luck, please let me know how you get on. Ours will be 4 days too, probably April or June but not sure if split up or all in one batch! 

I know we need to be very mindful of confidentiality on this thread, but if there are any other London based girls I wonder if you could PM me and let me know how you found your LA to be I would be really grateful. 

xx


----------



## Arrows

Good news today -despite all the delays our paperwork has gone in on time and we are all go for panel on 23rd FEb!!!
we have been warned that it's looking pretty full with matches though so we may wait all day to discover we have been put back till the following week but keeping our fingers crossed!


----------



## AoC

Hooray, Arrows!  And at least if you are put back, it's only a week, not a month or two.  I know it would be tough, but hang on in there!


----------



## GERTIE179

Arrows that's great news x

Well all after 15mins in with panel today it was a unanimous YES!!! So so happy
X


----------



## MrsYG

Fab news GERTIE       Congratulations!


----------



## swallowtail

Great news, congrats Gertie and GL with panel Arrows xx


----------



## oliver222

Congrats Gertie


----------



## AoC

Congratulations, Gertie!  Look what you've achieved!!!


----------



## muminthemaking

Thats is just brilliant news, congratulations Gertie
And great news for you too Arrows, sounds positive that they're maing lots of matches, will soon be your turn!
xx


----------



## shuvit

Fab news Gertie
And Arrows lots oif luck for the 23rd - it will fly by 
xx


----------



## Irishlady

Just a wee update from me   

Intros started today with our wee 8month old daughter!! Went really well and she was full of smiles and came easily to dh and I. Longer day tomorrow and hope to take her out in the pram for a walk - can't wait!! All being well she will be with us forever on Monday  

Felt like it was a dream when at foster carers today!!

xx


----------



## liveinhope

Fantastic Irish lady, so pleased for you

Well done Gerty


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Wow lots of lovely exciting news on here, I'll have to get the list updated   

Arrows - Fantastic news about panel sending   for the 23rd, I'm sure you'll be fine

Gertie - Congratulations on becoming approved, great news

Irish Lady - How lovely to hear about your 1st day of intros, enjoy the rest of the week (I'm sure you will) and treasure every moment. One question, are your intros so short as she's only young and will adapt easier?

AFU - 1st day Prep was good. Two couples didn't turn up which narked me, there's only 6 couples per course and the next two Prep courses are full so ppl are waiting until Oct from now, it's so inconsiderate  of them to not cancel and let someone else take their place  Anyway - next 4 days are at the end of the month. Awaiting an email from them with our official application, medical questionnaire, CRB stuff etc and need to send back before the next day. We'll go straight into homestudy in March and we are ontrack and aiming for Aug/Sept Panel. It's going to be an intense but exciting few months. We've already started doing family trees, chronologies, Eco maps etc so that's well underway. Ive even collected info from two local nurseries and children's centres. Hahaha


----------



## muminthemaking

oh wow Irishlady, sounds like the most wonderful day you must be on   , it sounds amazing! I wish you well for the rest of your intros, keep us posted when you get a spare min x x 
FH, glad you enjoyed your first day of prep course, sounds like things are rolling fast for you and wont be long til you've been to panel, really hope you enjoy homestudy, we found ours hard going at times but found out things about ourselves that hadn't occurred to us before until they were pointed out by SW, good things that is!


----------



## Arrows

Gertie, I am so, so happy and excited for you! Congratulations! 

Irishlady, I bet your heart is glowing at the moment!


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Gertie congratulations really happy for you.  Xx 

Irishlady congrats on becoming mummy and daddy hope you get to bring her home very soon x


----------



## skyblu

Gertie, CONGRATULATIONS 

Forever hopefull, so pleased prep went well today 

Irishlady, CONGRATULATIONS on spending your very first day with your daughter 

AFM, don't really know what to do at the moment, one part of me want to make a complaint on what's happened and the other part of me feels like I shouldn't push it, just in case I make things worse.
I emailed my s/w yesterday to ask her advice, but she is not in the office until Thursday.
Every one I talk say I should make a stink, but I don't really know who I complain to, BAFF or LA 
If any one knows what to do, please let me know, I don't think I can last another 11.5 months.
Skyblu.x


----------



## AoC

Sky, I'll PM this as well to be sure you get it: http://www.independentreviewmechanism.org.uk/

I don't know if it applies in your circumstances, but go and have a look and see what you think. Personally I'd also consider a call to BAAF. I don't think you can completely overturn the delay (becase it's based on fact, not interpretation), but you should be able to shorten it, and your LA should be able to assure you that any delay isn't just because they're too busy!

((((((hugs))))))
/links


----------



## .45074

Skyblu

http://www.fostering.com/assets/pdf_downloads/pn51_tobaccosmoke_000.pdf

I just had a quick google and found this BAAF practice note.

Maybe you have grounds for arguing for a shorter period, given the circumstances. If you look at point 9 pg 9 of this note- you could maybe argue for a 6 month delay instead- the note says that the risk of relapse is less after 6 months... as it is a one off blip perhaps there is some room for negotiation?

Will be keeping my fingers crossed for you 
x
/links


----------



## GERTIE179

Irishlady congrats on intros - loving hearing about how it's going x

Skyblu - could you ask to have a meeting with SW and medical advisor and both of you put your case forward as to what action is being done (DH). Letting them see how serious u find this too. Again SWs want us to be pushy as we need to be our LOs voices for a long time. I don't understand ur SW delaying for ur medical ie you have a condition, it's being managed, and if worst case is surgery then show them how a placement would b handled ie your support network. I wouldn't treat it as a complain merely questions you and DH have and wish a meeting with SW (and their senior) and medical advisor to understand exactly what you need to do.

End if the day they have invested in you and have not rejected you guys so they do want you to succeed.
Let us know how u get on
Sending my wishes your way x x


----------



## Arrows

Skyblu, I know your DH messed up and timing may be argued to be less based on his circumstances, however I'd be more worried about you and your hysterectomy situation as I'm assuming you're going to be the main care giver? I'd be more worried about that if I was an SW. Are your docs saying you definitely won't need a hysterectomy or that you won't need one for a while? Can you push them to get it done now even if meds are helping? I remember how much pain I was in for just the IF exploratory op and I wasn't able to to do much for a month at least! Getting it out the way may be better.
Just ideas as I don't know exact details. hugs I know how just minor delays feel. x


----------



## MrsYG

*Forever Hopefull -* So glad you enjoyed your prep, how thoughtless is it to not turn up and waste those spaces on the course for others... so rude!

*Irishlady - *Congrats on meeting your daughter, you must be over the moon. 8months old, what a lovely age. What age group were you approved for if you don't mind me asking?


----------



## galaxy girl

Congrats Gertie! 

Irish lady - sounds amazing! We hope to meet our soon to be youngest by end of the month...! Still working on the intro books - - can't say/write mummy...too wierd and it feels like I'm jinxing things!! What to say/write/record?


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

hi,
can i please join u?

a little bit about myself: had 3 cycles icsi which sadly didnt lead to a full term pregnancy. decided adoption is the way forward for us. we had our adoption evening meeting last nite, which went well. we now have to wait for the social workers to come to our house so we can start the prep courses. not sure wot to expect really but looking forward to finally getting somewhere.

I look forward to getting to no u all   

Louise x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Lou03 - Hello and welcome, its a great feeling finally deciding enoughs enough with fertility and moving onto a different journey in life. Its good to evenutally have closure on something that has tortured us all for years. Heres to looking forward to a more positive time 
xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Welcome Lou03, we're at the same stage as you sw is coming out a week on monday and hoping to start prep course in march (she keeps saying on the phone the next course we're due on is in march so im assuming its the prep course) 

good luck with your journey x


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

thank u forever hopefull, it sure is a great feeling, i feel more positive now. and knowing that i havent got to put my body through anymore of the ivf drugs anymore, although i no its gonna be stressful at times but all will be so worth it in the end. we all will be parents one day!!   xx

thanks emma, thats brilliant news, it always makes u feel better when u move onto the next step. were just waiting on th SW to come and visit us hopefully not long tho. good luck to u aswel hun xx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hiya 
we only waited a week for her to ring and make an appointment it would have been early next week but hubby is oncall so couldnt guarantee he'd home so booked for the week after. 
hopefully they'll call you soon hun xx


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

wow that was really quick   
im sure we wont be waiting long. they said the amount of children needing adopting in our area has doubled, so they crying out for people. xx


----------



## skyblu

Haven't really got time for personals, but would like to say a big thank you to all of you lovely ladies who have replied to my post.

Thank you very much for all of your support
Skyblu.x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

fingers crossed its soon lou03 look forward to hearing more news soon x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Skyblu sending    x


----------



## skyblu

Hi ladies, just updating.
S/W emailed us today saying she has a meeting with the panel ppl at the end of Feb and is going to ask their advice and to see if we can go ahead. At least she is really trying to help us, so fingers crossed.
AoC and Jem thanks for your links and again ladies thank you for your support at this very difficult time 

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Arrows

Good luck with that Skyblu.

AFU, We got an e-mail Thurs to say that 27th Panel is full up now with matches so although we're on standby it's unlikely to happen. Now on for 1st March.


----------



## Poochie1111

Skyblu - cross fingers and toes that your SW meeting goes well.  it sounds like she's really on your side and believes that the postponement is unfair.  Good luck    


Lou - welcome to the board. I agree, it's a great feeling to be able to put the rollercoster of IVF behind you. 



FH - glad you're enjoying your prep day


Irishlady - loved reading about your first intros day.  How exciting.  Glad it's all going well!!!


 to everyone!


----------



## Irishlady

Sorry not been on for a few days...been v busy getting to know our daughter   

intros going well but absolutely shattered now and bedtime won't be too long away! Bonding really well with her and hopefully she will be home for good tomorrow   Had her with us at our home all day and then back to f carers for her bath and bed. Love giving her the final bottle as she snuggles in and just smells so good after her bath...

Mrs YG  I think you asked what age we were approved for and it was 2 and under

Galaxy girl in the tomy talking book I said "this is mummy'' on my photo etc felt really silly doing it but seemed to be really effective and our wee one could link our voice in the book with us. 

Hope you are all well xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww Irishlady so happy for you both ;-)


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi ladies. Haven't been on for a while and on phone so difficult to read posts but will pop on again later and catch up properly. Seems like lots of news as up to page 18!!! Hope you are all keeping well. Just off to exercise class and then SW visit on Thursday...very scared.

Can't remember who mentioned DH smoking but my DH had given up prior to our wedding and then broke it to me that he was smoking again on the flight to our honeymoon. We were over Cuba at the time but it might as well have been the artic as there was certainly a chill in the air and a very frosty flight!!!! He has been smoke free for 7.5 months and SW said fine as long as a year once HS starts.

Take care ladies and will have a proper catch up later xxx


----------



## laura0308

Hi All,

Is it okay to join the thread   .  

Would nice to share the ups and downs of the adoption rollercoaster.

L


----------



## skyblu

Welcome Laura0308  
If you have any questions to ask, ask away we are all here to help each other.
Skyblu.xx


----------



## laura0308

Thanks Skyblu,

Looking forward to getting to know you all   .

We have been linked with LO and are awaiting some medical info before we can properly proceed.  Has anyone been advised to foster LO while LA get placement with leave to adopt?  If so any idea of timescales?

Thanks everyone.

L


----------



## MrsYG

Welcome Laura, you've been linked fairly quickly haven't you    Good for you.  I've not heard of anyone in our LA fostering before adopting the LO, but maybe its the best thing for the child.  Less trauma and changes etc...

Hope you get your medical info soon.

x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi ladies,

Its half term and the Sun is shining so its time for an injection of colour on this thread!!

Welcome to all the new posters, I tried noting down everyone's names and there were lots and lots. Hope to get to know you all over the coming months.  

Skyblu - So sorry to hear about the delay. I know it must be hard but here's hoping your SW can work some magic and persuade the powers to be that its no grounds for delay   

DiamondDiva - I hope that the preparation group went well. I can't believe that 'friendly dogs' can be an issue. 

Arrows - Hope all is well with you and that you are now on track for March panel. Just keep telling yourself that good things come to those who wait and that March is your time  

Someday - I hope that your prep class is going well and isn't too daunting. I'm guessing it must finally feel like things are starting to happen  

Gertie - HUGE CONGRATS HON       

IrishLady - Hope your intros are continuing to go well and that by the time you read this, your daughter is now home with you    

Ok, think thats about all I have been able to remember. Thought I would use orange as its supposed to be a positive and lucky? colour so I am sending lots of positivity and luck your way.

AFM, as I said in previous post we have our initial SW visit (after attending info evening) on Thursday and DH and I are so nervous! Have been cleaning the house and Mum is coming to clean the carpets with me tomorrow as lovely cats have enjoyed bringing mud in, in recent weeks. Going back to Skyblu's SW visit, I really hope 'friendly' pets aren't a problem. Our two cats are very friendly and like to jump up and sit on guests if they are on 'their' sofa!!!! I am just   that Thursday isn't a day when they decide to bring in 'gifts' of the wildlife variety...I can just imagine them bounding in and depositing something at her feet 

Anyway, I had better get back to coursework marking   so not what I want to be doing on a lovely day like today but never mind, it will soon be the summer 

Greenie (in orange!!!) xxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi greeniebop

Good luck with you sw visit on Thursday I've got mine on Monday let me know how you get on. 

I know what you mean with the cleaning I've started spring cleaning then I'll do it all again on Sunday  

Good luck 

Emma.


----------



## swallowtail

Hi Emma,
Good luck for your SW visit on Monday! Just wondered how long your telephone interview was? We can finally apply in March and they said to call up and we would probably have a telephone interview. I'd like to call on Thurs 1st March (!) but we are both at work...can they just speak to me on the phone do you think? 
Thanks in advance xx


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## laura0308

Hi all,MrsYG - from reading this site it is quite quick - 4 and half months - but as you all know every day can feel like forever.
Emma & Greeniebop - Good luck with SW visit. My house was never so clean  

Skyblu - Hope the delay gets sorted out quick 









DiamondDiva - Sure the dogs will be no bother, enjoy the prep meetings, you to Someday.

Arrows -Good luck for March panel 









Gertie - You must be so happy, good luck for the future   

IrishLady - Is your DD home now, you must be on cloud nine.  
AFM - We are off to meet LO Doctor next Tuesday and foster carers. What do you ask the foster carers? I always go blank. Hard to hear so much about him as we are still not sure he will be coming home but he feels so real already. Keep praying it will all be ok!!! Started to make bargains in my head- if he is ok I will ..... Think may send myself mad  

Better go and tell DH, Doctor's appointment has been made.

Take care everyone

L
[/color][/color]


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## muminthemaking

Hi everyone!
Just popping in to say hello, 
welcome Laura, swallowtail, and greeniebop.
Hope everyone is well, Irishlady would be great to hear about your lil one coming home, when you get a chance! Really sounds like intros were going well, wish you all the best.
Well, we've our SW coming over later, first meeting since panel and... shes got profiles for us to look at! OMG, it has suddenly become very real! Obviously I wont be able to go into details, but you never know we might be hearing about *our* child today, trying not to let my thoughts get carried away, will try to keep my sensible head on!
Anyway, til later.... x x


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi swallowtail

The interview lasted about half an hour and they where fine just talking to me I was in work when they called but work knew they would be calling so let me go somewhere quiet. They said they would speak to dh when they did the home visit so the 1st time she's spoken to him will be on Monday. 

Good luck with your interview hun keep me posted on how you get on. 

Good luck 

Emma x


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## swallowtail

Good luck nextTues Laura! 

Hi muminthemaking I love your name  Fingers crossed for you.

Emma - thanks hun that is really helpful
xx


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Have everything crossed for you muminthemaking x


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## skyblu

Got my fingers crossed for you muminthemaking. 
Skyblu.xx


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## muminthemaking

Hi all,
well that was interesting. Last night we got to see 2 profiles, obviously its very early days.. anyways, we had just some basic info about the children, their birth parents and how they come to be in LAC. Its a very odd situation trying to think and discuss things practically and logically when the information you receive is fairly minimal yet you want something to come of it so much that you look for the positves in everything     
We found that we were more interested in one child then the other and have asked for more information, like I said its very early days and the next step will probably be to meet their social worker, but again that is dependent on her wanting to meet us to find out more about us based on the little info she will have recieved about us already.
We found it a positive for us being able to look at more then one profile, as it then gave us something to compare to and also prepares us for looking at more profiles if/when they arise. I dont think all sw like to do this, think some will prefer to view one profile at a time. We're fairly sure that if we had seen just the one profile we'd have requested further information but having seen 2 we were able to say one felt more right then the other.
So have we found our child? I'm not sure, certainly we haven't heard anything that we dont feel we could handle, but there is plenty of time for that. We're very conscious that we dont want to waste anyones time, but we also have to trust that our sw recognised something in these profiles that she thought could be right for us.
Having had 24 hrs to think on the profiles I'm more excited to find out more, morethen I was yesterday, but gonna try to keep my emotions in check. We've also said we would like to see more profiles if they become available, but this is mainly because we just cant believe that we might really have found our child, far too quick! So watch this space, am anticipating some ups, downs, twists and turns in this next part of the journey.
Has anyone got a book recommendation for child development 0-5 year ols, ie when they should (used very tentatively) make certain milestones, ie walking, speech development etc

Thanks all, and thanks for the godluck wishes yesterday.


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## swallowtail

Er, wow!! Such a great post to read muminthemaking! Fantastic you are being so grounded as it sounds just so exciting! 


I asked my teacher sister for books on that very thing and she had so much stuff from the school she said it would probably be easier to google certain ages. Sorry that is no help at all is it! I just wanted to reply as I read your post and was v pleased for you. I hope you get a book recommendation soon as I would think that is easier to sit down with and refer back to.


xx


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## Anjelissa

Hi all,

Just a quick one...

muminthemaking.......We found (still find) the following books useful;
What to Expect 'the toddler years' by Murkoff, Eisenberg & Hathaway
What to Expect 'the first year '' '' ''
(produced by Simon & Schuster UK)
I think there is a later edition now as our cover looks slightly different to the one on their site but I'm sure it's almost the same.

We have so many adoption related books covering a wide variety of topics that we too wanted a 'general' milestone reference book and found the above to be really thorough.
We've referred to them a few times and found them them really helpful (and reassuring at times).
The toddler one goes up to about 3 years old and covers a huge range of helpful topics, not just development, although that section is also quite extensive (they're quite thick books, approx 800 pages).

Hope this was helpful,

Anj x


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## GERTIE179

Aww mum in making that's great news. I can recommend a book but will pm tonight
Cx


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## Irishlady

Hi all   

yes our DD came home for good on Monday, so Valentines day was our first full day together, the most perfect valentines gift ever!!

She slept for 12hours straight on her first and 11hours last night  Just can't believe how much DH and I love her already and she feels like she has always been part of the family.

Don't think I will be on much for a while but I want to wish you all good wishes as you continue this wonderfully emotional and life changing journey xxxx


----------



## thespouses

Well, I'm sorry for the lack of update, but Little Man has not only been placed with us, but we've arrived back home from overseas! Tired but happy!

(Incidentally babies can sleep very well on planes while their mummies do not!)


----------



## galaxy girl

Fantastic news Irish Lady and the Spouses!!!


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

What lovely news Irish lady and the spouses. Wishing you all the best x

Muminthemaking - it all sounds positive and your SW sounds great. Hope it all goes well.

SW visit tomorrow so house is so clean and tidy but so nervous about what they will ask etc. Cats have decided to start bringing little 'presents' in for us today after mum and I spent all day cleaning carpets!!!!! Got to love them!

Greenie x


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

WOnderful news irishlady and the spouses. 

Good luck tomorrow greeniebop will be thinking Of you. 

Muminthemaking- everything sounds really positive. Hope everything goes well

Xxx


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## skyblu

Congrats Irish Lady and the spouses
Skyblu.xx


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## someday

fab news Irish Lady and thespouses.xxxx

we are going for our first day of training today. im really nervous and ive little idea what the topics will be.


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck someday. X


----------



## swallowtail

Many congrats Irishlady and thespouses!!   xxxxx


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## MrsYG

*Irishlady *- How fabulous, I can sense the excitement and contentment in your post  really hope you'll be very happy together with your new addition!

*The spouses- *Congratulations on getting your LO home  Where did you adopt him from? and how have you found the process compared to adopting from home? (don't answer if you don't feel comfortable doing so) Hope you all settle in nicely at home.

*Someday -* I hope you enjoy your first day of training. Let us know how it goes... I remember being very anxious about our first day of Prep group, but by day 3 we were really enjoying it and found it very informative.

*Greeniebop -* LOL at your Cats... lets hope your SW appreciates how caring and sharing they are   Hope the visit goes well!

*MITM- *It sounds like you are being very sensible with your approach to the profiles. Some people say they are drawn to a particular child, and know its 'the one'... personally i've been looking on BMP on think I've been drawn to about 7 so far  think I'm going to need a bigger house. But seriously, I have found it very useful to read through the info on BMP and read between the lines, and understand SW speak and what they really mean. I'm hoping this will help us when we finally get some profiles to look at. It also made me realise that I'd be able to cope with more than I initially thought, and older children too.

Hi to everyone else, its so hard to keep up with all the posts now there are so many of us  Which is of course great... more people to support each other!

x


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## AoC

Wow, so much good stuff on here!  Yay!

The Spouses congrats on having Little Man home with you!  hurrah!

And congratulations, Irishlady, how wonderful!

Good luck with the further info on the profile, Muminthemaking - very exciting, but I know what you mean about taking it in small steps.  

We had a red letter day yesterday, when we received the letter confirming the receipt of our application and that our official start date for home study is Friday.    Finally, progress!


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Yey AOC. It's all go now then.

House is spotless so met DH for lunch and he seems just as nervous as me. Ridiculous really as it's first visit but amazing what states we get ourselves in really. Here's hoping she likes us and so far cats are behaving and fat asleep looking super cute...long may it last.

Speak later ladies x


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## panorama

Greenibop - good luck!!


AOC - yay!


Congrats to irishlady and The spouses - enjoy your LO's!   


Sorry no time for more personals - good luck to everyone!! Our LO is doing well and copies everything at the moment, speech is really coming along, they grow so quick!!   


panorama x


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

She's just left and was lovely and just needs head sW to tick yes box but she said she'll phone nxt wk or wk after. If yes will get us our application form inay and get that sent off, prep course in June and aim for panel 8 months from may which is jan 13!!!!! 

So happy with how it went and thanks for your support ladies. Be on again later xxx


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## we*want*a*furball

Hi ladies

Is it ok if I join you? DH and I have just been offered a place on a March prep course which we are both very excited and relieved about. Could you give me an idea of what to expect? We've already been to an open evening and a training day but they just involved sitting and listening. Is there a lot more interaction during prep courses?

Thanks for any replies and I look forward to getting to know you all.


----------



## AoC

YAY Greenie!  Well done you.  

Welcome Furball.    I don't know about prep course, but I'm sure others will be along with something to share.


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hello Ladies and of course any gents amongst us! And welcome to all newbies. 

I have one meeting left now for my homestudy which is to discuss more in depth about the sort of child we would like to adopt. Now initially we said we would like 0-5 yrs and either one child or a sibling group of 2. I have been reading up alot about child development and how the brain develops and the affects of various things etc etc. My husband and I are in our late 20's and our friends are all starting to have babies. What I am trying to get at is I am now thinking of reducing the age range to 0-3. My reasons being that firstly it would mean that our children would be similar ages to our friends children so they could potentially become friends all being well! Secondly from the reading on development I am wondering if we would have more of an influence on a younger child. 

Hmm finding it a tricky one, what are other peoples views on this. How did you decide what your age limit would be?

Any advice greatly received


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hello everyone, sorry Ive been MIA recently, just been a bit wrapped up in everything.

The Spouses and Irishlady - A Huge congratualtions to you both  

Grenniebop - Great news, glad it went so well  

Watakerfuffle - Sounds like we are a smilar age and we are going for 0-3yrs, for very similar reasons as well. Dont really have any advise on the matter though, good luck deciding  

Panorama - good to hear from you, glad your LO is doing well, makes me smile  

Muminthemaking - Sounds all very positive but totally understand your hesitation to get emotionally involved or attached, its sensible to look at the profilies practically at 1st. Best of luck, hope it all works out and youve found the LO for you    


Wewantafurball - Welcome and how exciting, we are currently doing Prep Course at the min (5 days spread across Feb) in a nut shell its all about the process, the types of kids waiting for homes, the abuse they may of suffered and how that effects them, the birth families point of view, attachment and development etc etc, Im sure your LA/VA will send you a timetable in due course.

Hello to anyone Ive missed **HELLO**

Can I ask any Newbies wishing to join to please PM me with your name and brief description of where you are in the process and ill add you to the current posters list if you would like. Just incase I miss you off by accident.


AFU - Ive spent all day (literally all day) filling our 'offical application forms' in on the computer. The VA said that if we can do them on the computer then email it to them it will spead things up as they only need to transfer the pen filled in forms onto the computer themselves anyway which takes up their time. I can now vouch for that, it takes a LONG time. Im knackered. Having wine and a takeaway as a treat  

Sending lots of   to you all
XxX


----------



## galaxy girl

Its official - our two boys will be home in a couple of weeks!!! I finish work next friday ...Yikes!


----------



## GERTIE179

GG that's fantastic news!!
Congrats x


----------



## MrsYG

*Greeniebop *- Great, I'm glad the visit went well! The time will fly by... honestly. It only seems like about 2 months ago when we started HS and now we're all approved!

*Wewantafurball -* Welcome to the board  Prep course is definatley more 'hands-on', they will split you up into groups to do exercises, you'll be given scenarios and you have to suggest what you'd do in that situation. If you're not used to that kind of thing, it can be a bit daunting to start with, but by the 2nd day you'll be fine. The SW will be observing you all the time, but just be yourself!

*Waterkerfuffle - *well done for being so close to finishing HS. I can only give you my experience regarding the age issue. We also said under 2 1/2 to start with, we wanted as young as possible. Mainly because the younger they are, the less likely they are to have suffered certain situations, and will probably have been 'in care' for a shorter period of time. LO's removed at birth don't have the neglect issue which as you know can severely affect their development at such a crucial time. However, having looked at a few profiles, the slightly older children are easier to assess for any likely learning difficulties, medical problems etc.. So, basically what I'm trying to say is that whilst younger children may seem more appealing (for want of a better phrase) there are many more uncertainties with them. They cannot verbalise any trauma they've experienced, and so making it difficult to ascertain their needs. I guess its personal choice, but it will take longer to be matched with a tiny LO. 2 months on from approval, I have started to rethink my choice, and feel more drawn to the LO's in the 4-5 years range.

*Forever Hopefull - *sounds like you've earned that little treat! Hope you get your application processed soon!

*Galaxy Girl -  *Woohoo.... congratulations! I bet you're on cloud nine! What a lovely feeling to have the end in sight, and finishing work in a week! Fabulous news! 

xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good morning ladies,

It's Fridayvso it's almost the weekend...yet but that also spells the end of half term...boo!

Thank you for your support ladies, I can't believe what a state I got myself into yesterday.

Galaxy Girl....what beautiful news. I am so happy for you. One week to go and then you are on Mummy-leave enjoy every moment.

I absolutely love logging on here and seeing lovely news almost everyday. You are all such an inspiration and it is a privilege to share in your journeys.

After yesterday's meeting I feel like a weight has been lifted. I know we have such a long journey ahead but I feel that we are now finally on that journey. Our SW was lovely and when I asked her, she said there was a very strong chance that she would be our SW for the process as the other two main SW we know...one lives across the road and the other is marrying one of my friends! I just got a good feeling about her and she was really positive about the process and disclosed that she too had adopted so knows what it is like on both sides. She kept saying when you bring your children home and talked about the fact that the children she would be considering for us would be as young as possible and said they had placed a lot of 18 month olds with mum pregnant again so adopters were first choice for new born and said that was something that could be for us.

It's so strange as I was expecting her to be  bit more negative bit she really wasn't and was so positive when we said that we were keen to adopt siblings. Here's hoping it's as smooth a journey as she indicated...although it so won't be. 

Anyway apologies for rambling on, it's just so nice that after the years of dark days I can finally see some light and truly have found the right oath for us...even DH is excited and he normally keeps his emotions in check. Onwards and upwards.

Have a lovely weekend whatever you are up to my lovelies

greenie xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Apologies for spelling mistakes!!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Would forget my head if it wasn't screwed on....SW told us to read up on child development so can anyone recommend a book on that as had a quick look and there are literally thousands! She said something about a quiz at the prep course?!

Many thanks x


----------



## AoC

WOOT GG!!!!


----------



## swallowtail

Fantastic news! Sounds really positive xx


----------



## laura0308

Hi all,

So much is happening here it really make me smile   .

The Spouses and Irishlady - So chuffed for you - you must be happily exhausted, wish you both a lifetime of happiness with your LOs.

Grenniebop - We panic over everything in this journey.  Everyone kept telling us we had nothing to worry about but we did all the same!









Watakerfuffle - We opted for 1 child 0-2 yrs or 2 children 0-4y yrs. DH felt that he had missed out on the baby stage with my DS and wanted to miss as little as possible of any future LOs. Though I do agree that older siblings can voice their fears and are easier to see any issues they may have, whereas the younger they are the more uncertain. You just have to follow your own instinct andknow that your choice is what is right for you  

Panorama - your LO sounds like a happy bunny









Muminthemaking - Really positive news. It is hard not just to give your heart away but be practical and think about the rest of your life and not just want to bring a child into your home now - Patience is a virtue I think we all have had to learn to well!!! Best of luck
















Wewantafurball - Welcome. I really enjoyed prep groups, great to meet others doing the same, so don't worry everyone was in it together 

Forever Hopeful - form filling is rotten but we have fund that SW comment on how good your form is and say that is why they looked at us - so persevere   .

GG - Great news look forward to hearing more  .

Keep smiling everyone else, it's a long path but at least it's the right one  

AFM - Linking meeting was held yesterday and they are happy to go with us. Still have this medical issue hanging over our head which is horrible - can't get too excited till we know all is going to be ok and matching panel can go ahead. If it hurries they will do matching panel in of Feb if not will be end of March. Keeping everything crossed that all is good. Will see what Doc says on Tuesday!!

L
XXX


----------



## we*want*a*furball

Thank you for your replies ladies. Your descriptions of the prep course all sound very positive - the group roll play sounds interesting and like something DH and I would be comfortable doing.

GG - what amazing news , you're going to me a mummy so soon.

ForeverHopeful - I hope you got to relax in the knowledge that your official application is done. I'll set aside a day and large glass of wine for when we do ours!

Greeniebop - I've just started reading up on child psychology and child psychology for dummies explains about child development from lots of different angles. It's a really interesting read. There are lots of parenting books but most I've seen seem to concentrate on feeding times and routines.

Laura - I hope that things move forward quickly for you. Fingers crossed for your doctors appointment


----------



## swallowtail

Please can I ask for some advice on this. Basically we are renting but hoping to buy early next year. Under the best circumstances I was working to Prep Course April or June, Homes Study July-Dec, Panel Feb 2013 (yep I am trying to be optimistic!). With our current LA we would still be in their catchment area if we moved to the area we would like but obviously moving is frowned upon after placement for obvious reasons. If we move after approval but before placement, and stay in the catchment area, do you think this is fair to our LA? Should we be open about this? It's not like we would be using them then going off to another agency but I assume they would need to do another Health & Safety check if we moved.
Any comments or thoughts welcome.
Many thanks xx


----------



## AoC

Swallowtail, I don't know the answer (if there is a THE answer!  ) but I would say just ask your LA.  Different LAs/VAs are likely to have different approaches, so just finding out what's best seems like the right thing to do for me.    Good luck with your move!  Exciting...


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi swallowtail. 

Our SW was talking about this yesterday and she said that as long as it is in same area it's not a problem but that you must communicate with SW and keep them informed. She also said 'once you adopt it's fine' or something to that effect.

Hope that helps?


----------



## swallowtail

Thanks both, that's really helpful. Would rather be open and honest and it sounds like this must be fairly common.

 

xx


----------



## shuvit

Getting all the updates from everyone when I log on is making me all very excited about the coming months....

I received a call from the doctors today to get me booked in for my medical (Prep Group was 3 weeks ago) I got soooo excited I nearly wet myself on the phone to the poor doctors receptionist - seems silly that it is so early on in the grand scheme of things, but because of waiting so long due to 3xLA's joining forces, things seem to be moving along quite nicely  

Keep the updates coming....


----------



## watakerfuffle

Thanks ladies for all your reply's to my post, its useful to hear other peoples views. All food for thought. Can't wait for our panel in May eeek so exciting!! Good luck to you all at whatever stage you are at x


----------



## galaxy girl

Hello all - have been buying up a storm today!! IKEA and Mama's and Papa's don't know what hit it!! Had the best day - been waiting 7 years to do this...

Shuvit - yeah on booked medicals

laura -have my fingers crossed for you for tuesday!


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Good morning everyone hope your all well? 

Massive spring clean has started today really for 1st sw visit tomorrow we're so nervous. Dh is finishing off the decorating in the hallway and I'm cleaning around him  

Have a lovely day everyone I'll update tomorrow on how we get on. 

Xxxxx


----------



## muminthemaking

Hello all,
nice to find a bit of time to come on here, have had a few pages to catch up on as this thread is sooo busy at the moment, so much good news which is just awesome!
We've just said bye to my mum, sister and 2 nieces, H is 7 and S is 7 weeks, so have had lots of cuddles and snuggles, done the early morning feeds and nappy changes and now thinking about tidying up as my house looks likes a bomb has exploded! lol, love having them all here tho!
Emma - good luck for tomorrow, jsut be yourselves nad am sure you will be fine
Galaxy girl-  sounds like you have had alot of fun! So exciting that your 2 boys will be home where they belong soon! 
I'm so ready to go on a shopping spree for our lil ones, but without knowing who we will be mummy and daddy to its difficult to know what to get. Did buy 2 car seats from asda though on special offer, as well as lotsa wet wipes, cos they'll always come in handy. Also trying to stock up on things like washing powder, comfort, toilet paper, cleaning products etc, non perishables basically, so that we haven't got to spend out on that when we have our children home, can concentrate on food, clothes toys etc.
Swallowtail- think as long as you're not moving when placement is imminent, nor within the first year or so of a child being placed the LA should be fine, but as others have said you will need to discuss this with your sw.
TheSpouses and Irishlady - congratulations on having you lil ones home, it must be the most amazing feeling to finally be *there!*, enjoy every minute!
Thanks to everyone for your recomendations re baby/toddler development books, Angelissa, went with your recommendation, it looks very thorough and I think it will be very helpful in the next weeks, months and years!
Hi to Watakerfuffle, shuvit, greeniebop, AoC, wewantafurball, mrs YG, gertie, panorama, foreverhopeful and am sure there are a few I've missed!   
For those of you who have been matched and/or have your lil ones home, how many profiles did you look at? Just wondering if people generally feel the first profile they see is the right one? What are your experiences of reading childrens profiles?
I know they may be difficult questions but find that it doesn't really get discussed much and thought it might be helpful to talk about it
Have a lovely day whatever you're doing x


----------



## Anjelissa

muminthemaking......
I'm glad to have been of help  
Obviously (like us) you may not get much use from 'the first year' book but the 'toddler' one starts from the 13th month (our lo moved in at 11 months).
The 'first year' book was still very interesting, and who knows we may get to use it in the future 

In answer to your question, our little man's profile was the one and only we saw and the first and only lo that we were matched with. We fell in love with him from the first moment we heard of him. This isn't always the case though and we are friends with a few couples from our prep course who vary greatly in terms of how many profiles were seen before they found their lo.
I'm sure others will be along to share their experience in this matter too, but I think most people will agree that however heartbreakingly hard it is to turn a profile down, it is the absolute right thing to do for both yourselves and the lo in question if it doesn't feel right for whatever reason.
I know from witnessing friend's experiences that in that case you just have to hold on to the fact that although you may not be the right parents for a particular lo, there are adoptive parents out there who _are_ the right parents and they too will find each other, just as you and your lo's will find each other 

Lots of luck,

Anj x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

good luck for tomorrow Emma x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thankyou muminthemaking and greeniebop xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Can't wait to hear how tomorrow goes Emma!! Masses of luck, although its not needed as you will be great  

Hi to everyone, so much is happening and I wish you all happiness on your journey.  Nothing to report from me, just waiting to hear back from SW, DP is ringing them tomorrow to see if we have an initial visit date.  Here's guessing in falls when we are away in March... will keep you posted if any news...

Love Lolly xxxxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thanks Lolly so nervous but house is ready for visit now it's gleaming  

Still can't believe you haven't heard anything that's awful make sure he rings tomorrow and let me know how you get on. Fingers crossed you get somewhere tomorrow  


Xxxxx


----------



## AoC

Good luck Emma!  

Well, Home Study has officially started for us, prep group starts on the 29th, and.... *drum roll*..... she's pencilled us in for an August Approval Panel. 

  Can't stop smiling.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Fantasic news aoc and thanks for the good luck wishes I'm so nervous lol xx


----------



## AoC

It will be fine!    And thank you.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

That's fantastic news AOC. Good luck xxx


----------



## galaxy girl

AOC - brilliant news!!!

Emma - roll on tomorrow!

MITM - We saw 2 profiles in all. The first was just for 2 many children ( 3 ) with a wide age range and we didn't feel we could cope - hard decision though.....


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Emma - How did the visit go??  

Lolly - Have you 'shopped around' for the right LA/VA, if they aren't impressing you guys at the min and are not being proactive, then perhaps theres a better agency for you to go with.  

Galaxy girl - How old are your two boys, cant remember if you've said before now? Have you met them now?  

AOC - We are running along at the same stage, we are 'application buddies'   Our Home Study starts in March, still on Prep at the moment and we are anticipated to be ready for Aug Panel. How exciting  

Anjelissa - Whats this 'toddler book', I must of missed that post.

Been to Prep again today, all about child development and attachment - interesting but not really anything I hadn't already covered at college and uni so was finding it hard to keep   but I managed to just let them do their job, DH enjoyed it and learnt from it (he obviously listens to them more than me  ) Tommorrow is all about abuse and neglect and the effects of loss etc etc, no doubt will be   but its something that really interests me and a line of my job that I greatly enjoy and thrive in (Hope that doesn't make me sound   I'm not sadistic, I like to think I can make a little difference sometimes) I'm really looking forward to it.

 to everyone else, hope your all well and enjoying the journey


----------



## Arrows

got another e-mail today. Now 1st March panel full too, so put back yet  again to 15th March. Getting very fed up. :-(


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Ah Arrows   Thats so frustrating. Are you with a LA? Are they filling the Panel dates up with 'emergency issues' and putting you back? I really feel for you     Xxx


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,

Forever Hopefull.....I looked back and my post (re/books) is on page 19   

Anj x


----------



## AoC

I'm sorry, Arrows.    That's so upsetting.  Hang on in there, it'll be your turn, soon.

YAY Forever!  We can be assessment buddies.  That's very cool.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Thanks Anjelissa   X

AOC - Its very cool, theres a few of us doing prep and starting HS within the next few months which is V.exciting


----------



## GERTIE179

Sending big hugs to Arrows  

I know it's disappointing but you never know they may try and cut down time at other side if SW if keeping a look out for wee ones to discuss once Approval is here. PMA will get you through it. Keep the eye on the dream that's getting closer..... Big hugs C x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi Everyone

Well social worker has just left she was lovely she thought we'd make good parents BUT as i feared my BMI could be a problem she is going to surgest we go for medicals before we go on the prep course incase that flags anything up hopefully it won't but who knows. she's going to ring me on the 1st and let me know what her manager says and what our next step will be.
so right now not feeling too great was hoping to be all smilely once she left instead i cried my heart out  

Emma x


----------



## muminthemaking

Emma, dont be down hearted, much better its addressed now then get to panel and its addressed then. Am sure I read a while back that you were planning on doing something to bring your bmi down, and I *know* that you can do this! Good luck! 
Arrows, sorry you've been put back to a later course, fortunately its only 2 weeks though it must be real frustrating! Is there the possibility of starting home study whilst you wait?
Hello everyone, was really hoping to have heard from sw today to say if we can meet the sw of the child whose profile we saw, really hope he/she wants to meet us! I really cant believe how impatient I am being, am  not usually this way..., I've really lost my head! In fact my head is so far from where it should be that I managed to lock myself out of my car today which was parked up with engine still running, my bag, phone and wallet in the car! Had to go to a clients house, borrow a phone and call a work colleague to drive me 30 mins to my house to get spare key and 30 mins back! I was so gutted with myself! Can see the funny side now tho


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hiya muminthemaking 

i am doing something about it so hopefully this will go well for us, just feel really down now but hopefully it will be ok.

hope you hear off sw soon hun


----------



## Arrows

Forever -Yes we're with LA. They're filling up with matching panels and prioritise them over adoption approvals.

Thank you everyone for your support, I really appreciate it.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Evening everyone!

Oh emma im sorry you feel so down right now   Your sw sounds lovely though and like the others have said, its best to get it sorted now   I have heard from other threads that if you can actively show you are trying to lower your bmi they are understanding. Thinking of you lovely  

Forever hopefull, sounds facinating with masses of   inbetween. You work in the early years? Me too, although this is a totally different perspective of course. Heard from LA today, within the time frame, was just being totally impatient. Bad sign in this journey! Looking at initial sw visit next month and prep in may  

Hi to you all! Sorry to those waiting, congrats to those celebrating and hugs all round  

Love Lolly x x x x x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

thanks lolly


----------



## hawk26

Hi Everyone,
Jumping on board the adoption thread as we have completed our first forms tonight and thought I might need some support over the next weeks, months, years......!
Looking forward to getting to know you all x


----------



## Angels4Me

Hi all
Have been considering adoption and fostering for quite some time. Can anyone advise me of what type of questions mine and DP's parents would be asked, just wondering how personal it gets. 
And what about my siblings, my bro is a lovely man but has not worked for years and is on anti depressants, would this be a factor affecting our chances?
Just trying to get ourselves prepared.
thank you
angels


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Arrows - That sucks for you but sounds like they are obviously matching lots of LO's which is promising for once your approved and as Gertie pointed out they might keep searching and even possibly find the right LO for you in the meanwhile. Every cloud has a silver lining and as frustrating as these delays can be there is always a higher meaning for the long run   I'm sounding philosophical now  

MITM -   at your post, you must feel like your in limbo, fingers crossed you hear from them soon  

Emma -   Bless your heart, thats so frustrating. As Lolly (And others have previously said in similar situations) as long as you acknowledge it and work towards addressing it and it doesn't affect your health or ability to parent you should be fine. Fingers crossed you hear something more positive soon  

Lolly - I studied psychology first and now I work in the very youngest of years, well the first 9months to be persist   Xx

Welcome Hawk and Angels


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Well ladies, this is a goodbye post  

Last night I posted a rant post and said some quite awful things about one of my SIL's. I have since deleted this post and made the decision to leave the forum as it has been brought to my attention that my two SIL's have hacked my account or somehow found my profile and stalked/ spayed on my posts. Some of my posts have included rants about them, friends and family (as we all sometimes do and need from time to time) - hens causing upset and fall out.

As this is an anonymous profile on a UK fertility support forum and none of their business, I would of never in my wildest dreams of thought they would try and read my posts or infact succeed in doing so - as I'm sure you can all imagine. I have said some nasty and judgemental things about both simply out of anger or frustration and have found it helpful to vent my thoughts and feelings on here and share my experiences with those who understand and provide support which is the whole point of being on such a forum.

I truly feel violated as if someone has flicked thru a personal diary and read my deepest darkest thoughts. My posts were never intended to be read by anyone I know nor we're they suppose to cause upset. Unfortunately it has resulted in my one safe haven where I could share such things being totally destroyed. I am devastated by the upset and fall out this has caused, but also angry my privacy has been intruded upon in such a way.

I'm very sad to say goodbye and I wish you all the very best in completing your families  

Foreverhopefull
XxX


Thetis - please look into this matter if you can and apologies for leaving you with 'The List', hopefully someone will step up and help out.


----------



## muminthemaking

FH -    am really sory to hear this, you're right this should be a safe place for you to come and you have been violated. Hope that in time maybe under a new profile you'll be able to come and re join us. In the meantime good luck x x

BTW I work in early years, the first 9 months also xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Forever Hopefull - so sorry to read that   think we all have to remember this is a public site, anyone can read posts without being members and sometimes can piece together the information from our signature. This will of course include links in signatures to your own personal blogs. 

Just something to bear in mind.

Tis xx


----------



## AoC

FH that's horrible.  I don't know if you can still receive PMs, but have PMd you.    (((((hugs)))))


----------



## Anjelissa

FH.......... I'm so sorry to hear of your awful experience    
Like others have said, can't you come back under a new name? (without adding signature information until you know it's safe to do so).  
No matter what you said about sil's in your post, what they did was so very wrong and far worse  
As you said, you were just letting off steam and there was no way you'd imagine that they'd see your remarks   . What they did to you was a total invasion of privacy   

Big hugs for you   

Anj x


----------



## swallowtail

Gosh that's so awful FH! So so sorry. Really makes you think about what you can share sometimes. This is a place we can all understand our rants are not personal or being horrible, it's just the only place some can let off steam as you really cannot understand all this unless you have been through it all. I hope you can come back in disguise so to speak xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## MrsYG

FH - I'm so sorry that you feel the need to leave, but really, stay if you can, change your profile name and come back once the dust settles.  You'll need the support throughout the process.
I'm so angry that people have invaded your privacy    I think its wise for everyone to remember that this is a public forum, and its very easy to piece the jigsaw together from various posts, and especially with adoption being a very private/confidential issue... we should all be very careful about posting names, where we live etc...

Hope you'll come back soon, and you can PM me anytime if you don't want to be on the forum.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

FH so sorry this has happened.  I'm so angry/upset for you, I mean, who does that?!!!   No one would understand unless they have been in this position, and while maybe some of the things you have said are bad from their perspective, it's often how we feel at that time and venting helps us deal with the hurt that IF has caused, and view our futures in a different light. Sadly 'outsiders' couldn't understand  

This forum will no doubt miss you a lot   Hope it all works out for you lovely 

Lolly xxxxx


----------



## DizzyPip

Hi All,

Just wanted to say hello as I'm new to this thread, although not to FF. 

FH - how awful for you! How dare they!!!
Due to your experience I have just spent hours deleting all my previous posts on another thread and changed my profile info. 

We are right at the beginning of our adoption journey so a long way to go for us!

Looking forward to getting to know you all.

Pip
Xx


----------



## we*want*a*furball

FH - I truly struggle to understand why anyone would do that. They are your personal thoughts and feelings which you have chosen to share with others who can understand and support you. I really hope you find another way to come back to this forum so that you can carry on receiving the support you need on this journey.   


Emma - Sorry that your visit didn't turn out as you hoped. You sound like you are doing something about your BMI which can only be a positive thing. I know that it's very difficult but please don't let this bump in the road get you down.


Arrow - That must be so frustrating for you. Have you got anything nice you can plan to make the wait go faster?


muminthewaiting - It's good that you can laugh at those moments. I think that we'd all go a bit   if we forgot to laugh at ourselves!


Anjelissa - Thanks for the book recommendations, i'm going to check them out on amazon. A friend of mine is going to lend me her Gina Ford books - have you read those?


Hawk26 and DizzyPip - Welcome   . 


AFM - I'm just counting down the time until we start Prep - 13 days to go! I've bought a pretty notebook and pen specially which is probably really geeky but doing things like that make me feel prepared and keep me sane   


Hi to everyone else i've missed out.


----------



## .45074

FH-   so sorry to hear what has happened, as the others have said- hopefully after some time you'll be able to come back with another iscreen name. You take it for granted that people will respect your need for privacy   

Furball- you sound like me- I got a new 'adoption' folder etc and I'm not even near the prep group stage yet!

Dizzypip- think we are fairly close to the process.  I've been on the other boards for a couple of years and have been looking at this one for the last year but only just started posting. Are you going to any more info evenings do you think

Hi to all....I am still trying to get familiar with everyone and who is at what stage!

I have a post on the main page regarding the official application process...any thoughts or help would be really appreciated as a bit confused at the moment! x


----------



## GERTIE179

FH that's horrible.  I don't know if you can still receive PMs, but have PMd you.    To Family members  

Furball & Jem - I'm a stationary geek and did the same. Folder has come in really handy


----------



## Poochie1111

FH - so sorry to hear about your sisters snooping on here. I would be very annoyed.  Like everyone says, I hope you can come back under a different name.  You could then always PM a few of the ladies so they know it's you (in disguise!).  I hope the prep course went well last week.


AoC - yay to starting the HS at last!!  Sounds like your SW will get you through the process fairly quickly which is great. Hope August comes quickly.
Arrows - that's so frustrating being moved again    You're so close, it must be driving you insane!


Emma - sorry to hear your initial home visit didn't go as well as you'd hope.  Hope you get some better news from your SW.
Welcome PIP and Hawk   


Hello to everyone!! Hope you're all well.  We're just in the middle of going through health and safety at the moment and I'm organising for the local fire service to come round and do the fire h&s check.  Did anyone else have to organise that? I've volunteered to be at home for that as I hear they come round in their engine all uniformed up!!    Well, there has be be some perks.


x


----------



## shuvit

Hi All

Very excited to be meeting our allocated social worker next tuesday for the first day of out Home Study  
Hope she doesn't mind the mess as we are in the process of our kitchen being re-burbd  

FH - I think I stand for everyone on the FF site - that anyone who goes delving into other peoples business is not worth diddly squat!!  How dare these people go searching for little snippets of your thoughts, hopes and dreams - if you are one of these people who are searching for this kind of information - GET A LIFE - WE have far more important things to be concentrating on

In the words of Paul McCartneys Frog Chorus 'We All Stand Together'


----------



## skyblu

Pip and Hawk welcome 

FH - like the others have said I hope you can come back soon under a different name.
As you have said you have found FF very helpfull in your journey and you need that support.
I feel very angry for you so, FH SIL's if you are reading this I think you a disgusting and have no respect for a family member who is going through a very private and difficult journey I hope you both hang your heads in shame, you should be supporting your SIL not making things harder for her. Unfortunately you can choose your friends but not your family. 
FH if you still want some support and someone to talk to you can PM me any time.
Take care hun
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## DizzyPip

Morning everyone 

*Jem26* - hi, we are just sticking with the one LA at the moment. We have been waiting for 3 weeks now since we sent the initial paperwork back to receive a phone call to book the first SW visit. Hopefully they will be calling soon. Trying not to get frustrated with timings at this early stage! What stage are you at?

Hi to everyone else, forgive me for not many personals, just getting to know everyone.

Have a nice day.

Pip
X


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

sorry i havent been around for a while, hope everyone is keeping ok. [/color]  i attended an information evening 2 wks ago and am awaiting a visit from the sw but still havent heard anything, was wondering if i should just send them an email to see wot the next stage is  as dont want them to have forgotten about us.Lou


----------



## DizzyPip

Hi *Lou03*, we have been waiting 4 weeks today. I did call them to check they hadn't forgotten us and we were told that we were on the list, although I must admit I am itching to call them again. If I were you I would give them a quick bell, at least it sets your mind at rest.

Pip x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Without saying too much I would like to Thank you all for your support and have decided to stay put but just re-invent myself slightly and watch what I am saying seeing I now know certain people are sneaking about   You guys are fantastic and I have gained too much by being a part of this forum to pass on the experience. I am overwhelmed by your responses and so glad to have people understand and back me up so the speak. 

Thetis - I will take over 'The List' from FH  

Thanks you all so much    

XxX


----------



## .45074

Can't wait- good to see you   

Pip- We are at the very early stages. We actually attended the info evening nearly a year ago but due to miscarriage and bereavement they weren't able to take us forward at that stage so it is now a wait until June! Feels like forever but at least ICSI prepares you for waiting!! So we'll maybe attend a couple more info evenings in the next month just to make sure our choice of LA is right. I've spoken to a few different LAs and vol orgs over the past couple of days which has been really interesting- amazing how differently the teams operate!

Lou- I would give them a call or an email. It won't do any harm and will put your mind at rest   

x


----------



## Anjelissa

Can't Wait.....Lovely to see you   
Love Anj x


----------



## we*want*a*furball

Can't Wait - good to see you. 


DizzyPip and Lou03 -  i'm only at the beginning of the adoption journey and have already found that our LA aren't exactly speedy about things. Sometimes it is me being impatient but a lot of the time i've found they do need a bit of a reminder that i still exist! 


Shuvit - Best of luck with your start to HS.


----------



## swallowtail

Can't Wait   x


Well after nearly 6 months of waiting the last week before we can apply is going sooo slowly lol! Roll on next Thursday....


Lou03 - I heard nothing after our Info Evening so called them after 2 weeks. In our case we had to then wait 6 months after our last IVF but what I am saying is, I only waited 2 weeks to call after Info Evening as they gave us no indication as to when they would call us! 


xx


----------



## AoC

Welcome Can't Wait!  I'm so happy to see you.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Lovely to see you can't wait


----------



## muminthemaking

Cant wait    so good to have you here!

Things really dont move fast in the world of sw's, something that I cant get used to and we've been in this process for 19 months now! 
The inbetween stage, so post approval but pre matching is rubbish, you just want to find your child and bring them home! Good things come to those who wait eh, I know our reward will be awesome! x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Evening ladies, big hello to can't wait  

To all the new ladies, being one myself I would say don't wait around, get ringing!!  I waited for an appointment way back in the pre ICSI days and turned out I was waiting for a letter never sent and when I finally did ring I was told that I had missed my appointment as it had been that morning.  Delayed things by 2 months!  I have learnt from that and after not hearing from LA after sending our expression of interest DP rung up.  Of course the same day that he rang the letter arrived   Hoping you ladies are not waiting too long.  I guess we are all used to waiting but I find that I am not too bad at waiting when I know what I am waiting for, eg, I have a date to work towards.  Its the whole waiting in limbo that gets me as I start getting paranoid that things have been lost in the post or I have been deleted somehow from the system etc etc  

Our LA seem lovely so far and we have our initial interview 6th March.  They offered one for next week but sadly its on such a busy day I really couldn't reschedule.  The lady I spoke to said she rememnered just how I was feeling, raring to go but nervous at the same time.  Really good to talk to someone who actually KNOWS, and hasn't just studied it or worked it.  So an extra week to wait but still seems very soon! Oh well, like everyone says about waiting and good things  

Love Lolly xxxxx


----------



## flickJ

Can't wait - so good hear from you  

Good luck to everyone on their journeys, hope you don't have to wait too long


----------



## skyblu

Cant Wait, lovely to see you  

To all you ladies at the first stage, phone,phone and phone, S/W are so busy so make sure that you are not forgotten, although you are not forgoten it is that old annoying saying.......IT'S TAKES TIME.

I'm afraid waiting is the harderst part of adoption.

Good luck to you all.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## time2bmom

Hey everyone 

I'm new too!

Had my interview today and I agree, don't wait! Went on the info eve and was told I would hear back that week but didn't. I eventually rang and they then set me up for an interview late in March but said they MAY have been able to do something sooner. So I hounded a bit and on Friday arranged one for today!

Good luck everyone


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

So lovely to see you can't wait xxx

Welcome to all the newbies, lpoking forward to getting to know you.

In bed ill today  have lost my voice...not great when you are a teacher!!!

Take care x


----------



## DizzyPip

to all

Looks like it's going to be a lovely day today, feels warm (said loosely) already!

There are quite a few of us newbies on here, lovely to be able to share our frustrations at the same time and have the experience of the lovely oldies.

Greeniebop, definitely not good having no voice and being a teacher, hope you feel better soon.  

Skyblu, X-lolly-x I am taking your advise and calling again today and try and get our appointment booked in. 

Can't wait, glad to hear your staying around as I'm sure your experience and advice is invaluable. 

A bit about where we are at, well we have had some not so good news with not good timing.  My DH has his last day at work today and his company went into admin! Hope he finds something else soon or our savings will soon go.....not great timing when we are just starting the process.

Hope you all have a lovely day!

Pip 
X


----------



## hawk26

Dizzypip that is bad timing. I hope he finds something soon. My Dh was considering moving jobs but we decided to both sit tight for now while we go through this process.

Greenibop I am off with teacher voice today, so frustrating! 

We have started telling people that we are hoping to adopt and finding their reactions quite funny. Everyone is really delighted but a bit over the top. I would understand if we were saying we had been approved! Has anyone found this? I feel bad because I almost think it devalued the pain of etc to very too joyous about adoption. On the other hand it does give a bit of a boost so I should be grateful!


----------



## swallowtail

Oh no DizzyPip! Fingers crossed he finds something soon. 

hawk26 - we had similar reactions. It's lovely of them but it also felt a bit weird when we were trying to come to terms with not having bio child dealing with such pain. Obviously it's great to have support rather than bad reactions, but people still do not realise you have a year or so of work before you get approved and then they don't just suddenly give you a child    I do feel lucky to have positive reactions though of course. 

Can I just check, I have been reading that when you are finally matched and bring LO home you are not to have visitors for a couple of weeks to help with attachments. Then some people have been told only they can pick up their LO. Is that fairly common? Just wondered. 

AFM a week today we can apply      told Mum and she thought that meant we would be approved then   Ha xx


----------



## snapdragon

Swallowtail we've also been told not to see anyone for 2 weeks. I think its pretty standard.

I've not been on here for a while so I will reintroduce myself. Me and my partner are currently going through homestudy, about 2 months in. We had a hugh shock last week when we were approached by our sw with a possible link. We now have the CPR and are very interested but as we are nowhere near approval we are being very cautious. If it goes any further we need to have our assessment speeded up.


----------



## swallowtail

Ok thanks, good to know. Wow! Cautiously wishing you a speedy process, must be hard not to get your hopes up so I hope they can rush you through xx


----------



## .45074

Hi All

Dizzypip- that must have been a real shock for your DH. I hope that he is able to find something else soon.

Hawk we have told some people that adoption is our plan. Everyone has been positive which is great but then we've been bombarded witn people asking whats happening and exptecing that we'll have a child with us soon when we've barely started the process!

Swallowtail- you must be counting down the days! I have read that people have a 'lockdown' period where it is just the children and themselves for a period of time and then they have slowly introduced other people. 

Snapdragon- hi, I'll be keeping my fingers x'd for you...it must be difficult not to get very excited! Keep us posted 

AFM- today I have been continuing to speak to other LAs and vol orgs. We are pencilled in for prep group with our LA in June however we have not completed our official application form only the assessment questionnaire (which was very long but we enjoyed doing it). We decided that we would spend some time during March just checking out some other info evenings as we hadn't previously done that. We are very happy with the LA here and the contact we have had with them so far but we are in a predominately white area so we thought that, as a mixed race couple, it might be worth us thinking about some other areas too just in case. 

x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi everyone!

Wow, glad to be back! Somehow I managed to take a wrong turn and got into a chat room with people asking where I was up to tx wise. Been there and done that thank you! 

Dizzypip, sorry to hear about DH.  I hope that he manages to get something sorted and you don't have to dip into savings too much.  What a worry, thinking of you  

Hi Jem! Sounds like you have been doing some good research.  Just what you need when you are starting out.  I was doing a fair bit too before christmas. Hoping that our LA are the right ones for us. So far so good!

Interesting what you ladies have been saying about reactions.  I have told a few people, not many yet though. My SIL is very happy and I get excited about things when I talk to her.  My best mate was more reserved and seemed a bit upset.  That annoyed me but then like you ladies have said maybe she didn't feel right to be all singing all dancing as it was then clear to her that I would not be having babies. It will be interesting when I tell work.  I work with pre 5's and with a large team of about 35 women, so work and conversations are always child related (used to be very hard but in a better place at the mo)  Its always 'when I have my baby' etc, will be interested to see the reactions...

Wow snapdragon, fingers crossed for you.  It must be so hard to stay grounded at the moment. All the luck in the world!

Swallowtail, bless your mum! Oh dear, did you have a good chat about the process?! My bro and his fiance are a little like that, messaging me if I haven't any news in a week.  I've only just started as well!  Think I will nedd to explain again!

Hope you are better greenie  

Hi to everyone   Yay, its nearly weekend! xxxxxxx


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## Guest

Hi

Can I join??


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## .45074

Welcome Dinks


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## AoC

'Course you can, Dinks.    Welcome.

*waving to everyone*

We're starting to get geared up for next week's prep course.  It's 100 miles away, so we've booked travelodge rooms for a couple of nights so we don't wear ourselves out with it.    I'm starting to think about packing and cat sitters!


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone 

Welcome dinks xxxx 

I too have been getting the same restriction as most people when we tell our news people seem to think it will only a take a few weeks and we'll get our child oh if only lol

Lolly have a fab weekend honey and gets lots of cuddles of you friends baby xxx

Have a lovely weekend everyone 



Emma xx


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## laura0308

Hi all,

Sorry been out of circulation few days - lots going on   

So much stuff going on here and most of it is positive, for those of you not having such a good time - your time will come    

AFM  - Docs on Tuesday went ok - loads of information and it hasn't scared us off.  You just wish you had always been there for LO.  Still unsure as to medical results yet as they won't be in till Monday.  We met the foster carer who was absolutely lovely, her first placement but we couldn't ask for better    .  So my DH is wondering why after so much positivity did I turn into an emotional monster    that kept him awake all night as I paced the room and drove myself mad that maybe I had blown it and wasn't good enough etc... Still don't feel like the laid chick I thought I was.  How do you cope with the rollercoaster ride of adoption.  So worried about LOs health and what this will mean for our family, can we cope? 

You are all correct that no-one who has not gone through this journey can really understand the ride we are all on.  I do find it hard to remind myself of that when some say the most insensitive or things or seem totally disinterested when you really what them to care abd be positive and supportive.

Sorry for being a grump    will have to buck up soon.

As for the question of what people say when you tell them - I made the error of telling my hairdresser, now whenever I go I get quizzed by them all and you feel that you can only say no news yet so often!  Some of my friends have been great and supportive but others just don't get it, but then would we all have understood if we had not faced it ourselves.  

Take care all.

XX


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## oliver222

Good to see lots of people at start of journey same as me. I posted my form back after info evening 4 weeks today so think I might give them a call in morning to make sure received. 

Had a strange experiance in supermarket. Cashier was super chatty and was talking about her age and feeling old and I said that I knew how she felt that I was turning 40 soon. At which point she said that I looked really young for my age. She then asked if I had children and I said no. And she said oh that will be why then. Then asked me cant you have children or did you choose not to? I said no we had problems but I was looking into adopting. She then said my sister couldnt have children but is glad now as thinks they are a bit of a pain so maybe for the best. (I think at this stage she was randomly talking trying to take her foot out of her mouth and digging a bigger hole). Was funny as my aunt was with me and her and a random woman behind us were staring at her as if to say shut up you crazy woman. Good thing is it didnt bother me (in past this would have knocked me for six). I just laughed and said oh well if I am lucky enough to adopt next time you might think I look old for my age.

On good front though got some good news yesterday got a volunteer place with childline school service. Will be going into primary schools and doing presentations and workshops with children discussing issues such as abuse and bullying etc. Really excited and looking forward to getting training. Will be around 1 full day a month. I am also going into my local prison again in the morning to finalise paperwork etc for my volunteer work there which will be 1 4 hour evening once a week. Feels good helping and want to try and do what I can to try and gain skills and experiance during the process.


----------



## AoC

LOL oliver!  I feel kind of sorry for the cashier... *g*

Most people we've told have been fantastic - both really supportive and pleased for us, and realistic about timescales, so I guess we've been really lucky.  I've been quite open about our tx journey with people - I prefer people to know what's going on rather than guess and guess wrong, so I think people are genuinely pleased for us, because we've had such a hard time.

Cat sitters sorted for prep course.    SW warned us there will be home work (does that make it travelodge work, then?) on the first night, but we're taking a silly game to play the evening of the second night.  I think we'll probably want to switch off and NOT talk about it for an hour or two.


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi all,
so much going on on here that I'm not really keeping up very well!
Welcome to all the newbies, feel like I've wrote that alot recently which is great cos it means more people coming forward for adoption, and more lil ones finally gonna find their mummies and/or daddies!

Laura, its great that you've met with the doctor and not been scared off. I guess if it were me and I was wondering how the family would deal with this specific medical condition I would gather as much knowledge about it as possible and then have a chat with some of your nearest and  dearest about the realities of it. But ultimately laura it will be you who has to deal with it on a 24 hour daily basis. Is it something you'd considered before, having a child with this condition?

I think that in adoption there are many times when you follow gut instinct, your heart, or your head, and there are also many times when you just have to take that leap of faith, scary I'm sure!

Anyway, dont suppose I've helped at all, but so you know we're here for you, so if you've got things you need to just spill go for it!
 

AFM no news here, SW was hoping to have heard from childs sw by now to set up a meeting but nothing as yet. We're off to Cornwall for the weekend so that'll keep us occupied for a few days!
Have a good weekend all
MIM


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## DizzyPip

Hello,

*Time2bmom* - hello, and well done for getting your interview sorted. Feels like you moving a bit now, I bet?

*Hawk* & *Emma1605* a when you tell people they seem to get nervous and don't know what to say, it's quite funny to watch.

*Swallowtail*-bless your mum, if only it were that easy eh!

*Snapdragon* - I bet that was a huge shock, good luck. X

*Lolly* - Phew! Close shave, back where you belong. Don't suppose the treatment thread people want to hear that you have been there done that, old cynics that we are. Lol

*Dinks* - welcome

*AOC* - Blimey! 100 miles away! Don't blame you for staying in a travelodge. Hope the prep course is informative and fun!

*Laura*- I know what you mean about people saying 'any news' my mum is a classic for that!

*Olliver2222* - lol, people who don't really know what to stay don't know when to stop either!

Afm- well, I called the LA yesterday re not having our initial appointment date and they told us that we have now been allocated a SW so we should get a call any day now, will feel like we have finally set off when we get that. Off to Bingo in our village school tonight, so send me lots of lucky vibes.

Sorry if I have missed anyone.

Ta ta

Pip
X


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## Forever mummy 😀

thanks to u all for ur advice, i emailed them and just now i have received a letter with the date for our initial home assessment. Its on the 24th April! im really looking forward to it but quite nervous aswell   [/color]. can anyone give me some advice on wot to expect please? i would be very grateful.   [/color]hope ur all ok and have a lovely wk end  love to alllou xx


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi Angel mummy

we had our visit last week and it was lovely. She looked around all of our house and filled in a form with us...general stuff and then asked us about age groups etc, treatment history. Was very positive about the process and gave us some timescales. I got in such a state before but it was fine although she was with us for nearly 2 hours....but I am a chatterbox!!!

Hope that helps

Greeniebop x


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## DizzyPip

Hi ladies,

And gents I suppose if there are any on the thread! Well, we got a call from our SW and we have our initial interview in March and likely to have our prep study sometime in April......we are off and running now.

Hope everyone has a great weekend

Pip
X


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## .45074

Great news Angelmummy and Dizzypop   Very exciting!

x


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## Forever mummy 😀

Hi Greeniebop, many thanks for ur reply. it puts my mind at rest knowing wot to expect.   

dizzypip - thats great news   we seem to be at similiar stages.

Lou x


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## marshajr

Hi hope u don't mind me joining.
Have been to scared to sooner incase anything went wrong.


We have been to panel today and have been recommended to become adopters!


Xx


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## flickJ

Congratulations marshajr   Hope all goes well


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## someday

morning all!!

not been on in a while, welcome to all the newbies.

sorry not able to catch up on where everyone is.

AFM we signed our application form this week so here we go. Our second lot of prep on thurs and friday. I wonder how long it will be before the homestudies start.


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## Worththewait

hi everyone havent been on in a while.  we r nearing the end of our home study.......finally (sw cancelled, been off sick etc etc) and going to approval panel in May   .  Well talk about having ur head wrecked......had a sw visit this week and they started talking to us about concurrent care, 4 weeks previous it was permanent care and we thought we'd go down that route.  the more she talked about concurrent care the more i thought omg this is definetly the route we have to go. not only would the child placed with us be younger than 2yrs old but it would  know us as its parents from the beginning and wouldnt have to face rejection after rejection going from foster home to foster home.  We understand that there is contact with its birth parents and a risk that it could end up back with them but its one that we would be willing to take.  this means giving up my job and paid adoption leave and surviving on my husbands wage and a miserable £114 per week.  The reason im posting is i wanted to know if anyone has went through concurrent care or have any experience of it.  our sw is telling us that there is a long waiting list at the moment of adoptive parents in our area and we could be waiting another yr or more to just get a chance for permanent care.  we have waited so long to become parents (like im sure most of u) and are ready now, we dont want to wait another yr but need to weigh everything up and really dont know wat to do    can anyone help?


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## galaxy girl

WTW - hard decision for you. I completly understand about the not wanting to wait any longer..... Just a few thoughts....had you meant to give up your job eventually anyway when children are placed or were you thinking of going back even on a part time basis? 

Could you cope with the child being returned to birth parents - its a real risk..... I know how attached we were to the wee ones we fostered....and we knew it was only ever fostering. 

All the best with your decision...GG


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## galaxy girl

Intros start tomorrow!!!! Very excited and scared


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## swallowtail

Hi all, 
Wow this thread is moving fast, it is great to read how you are all getting along! Sorry for the me post, but after waiting 6 months to apply for adoption I have just been told they are now only taking on people to adopt black or dual heritage children, and reading between the lines they don't want us to apply although they will discuss at team meeting. I have been in contact with this agency for 6 months, and only 4 weeks or so ago they were talking about prep courses - now we can't even apply! Such a shame and I feel a bit frustrated. 
Called a few neighbouring LAs and they want us to wait a year after last IVF, which we kind of knew. So have put a call into Coram and am waiting to hear back. I have heard of them due to concurrent planning but I don't think you get adoption leave/pay if you do it that way round, is that correct as you are essentially fostering first?
xx


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## DizzyPip

Hi all,

Angel mummy- it does look like we are at similar stages, will be interesting to see if it stays that way all the way through!

Marshajr - congratulations, that's great news.

Someday - not long now for your next prep course.

Worththewait - I hadn't heard of concurrent care, so I can't help I'm afraid.  It does sound like it could work out for you. Do you get a bit of a hint from the SW whether or not the child is likely to go back to it's birth family?

Galaxy girl - hope the intro's went well today, how exciting!

Swallowtail - how unfair is that!!!! I hope you find an alternative agency that can help you. So unfair to put you through that!  

Pip
X


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## MrsYG

*Galaxy girl*....hope intros went well 
*Swallowtail* - I'm so annoyed on your behalf. It seems that you'd have to wait another 6 months anyway if you'd gone with another LA, but talk about stringing you along  How do they get away with it? I hope your other enquiries prove more positive.  
*Worththewait* - I've notheard of concurrent care, but it sounds great in theory, but yes, I would think you would lose any entitlement to Adoption leave/pay etc... I guess you have to way up the pros and cons, and make a decision based on what is best for the child and yourselves. Good Luck!
*Marshajr* - Welcome...and Congrats on being approved  Hope your wait is a short one!
Welcome to all new people  
AFU- No further news or contact from SW which is soooooo frustrating. This part of the process is driving me insane. For those just starting out, don't worry about Home Study or Panel.... the Waiting really is the worst part!  
x


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## GERTIE179

GG - hope u are still on cloud 9 with intros  
WTW - no direct exp I'm afraid but did discuss it with SW (it's not promoted where I am). It is in child's interest BUT SW told us it leads to adoption in only about 60% (not sure where she got that from). For us it was too big a risk to get soo attached and give back to BF. very worth it if works out tho x x

Swallowtail - I'm annoyed for you. How can they discriminate applications based on current children in care. I can understand them managing your expectations that it might be a wait. Certainly SWs have to look at heritage BUT it's not the only way to match especially if you can show u can meet their cultural needs. Certainly at HS we were questioned thoroughly on this and how we could and would WE exclude a match on this basis. Once u are approved you can go on national register after a while so another reason they should not turn you down. Keep challenging this one is my advice x x


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## muminthemaking

Hi all!
Well that was frustrating, long message all typed out, now lost somewhere in the airwaves!

Anyway, more briefly now cos cooking dinner,
Galaxygirl, really hope today was as great as you hoped, we're looking forward to hearing all about it when/if you get the time x 

Swallowtail, sorry to hear how you've been misled, think if you are open to child of a race different to yours its worth persuing with them, thats not to say that once you're approved you wouldnt be matched with a child your own race anyway!

AFU- the lil ones sw wants to meet us, so pleased, now just got to get all our scheduels in order so we meet up, fingers crossed this is our forever family in the making!


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## galaxy girl

MITM - Exciting!! that was us a couple of months ago!! 

Thanks for interest...first intro's with 3 year old went soooo well!!he is just the most gorgeous adorable smart little man!! We got mummy and daddy being used right from the start! Over the moon.

The one year old was a little put out to not be with his FC and other children in the house - he played with us for a little while but bottom lip was going...we know this shows he is well attached and are not upset...just wish FC had been able to stay more in the room with us until he was comfy or that we could have gone to her - we did try! I should add they are in different placements...

Am absolutley shattered. But can't wait for tomorrow!


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## Duckling

Hello everyone,
So so many new people, which has to be great news  . Hi everyone and welcome.

GG great news, so very happy for you! Life gets so much better once they're home. I found intros very very exhausting. xx

DS has been home 6 weeks now, feels so much longer. Our life has been turned upside down but it is so wonderful. Don't give up, however hard it's made for you - easy to say I know, but it is worth it.

Sorry no more personals. Trying to keep up, but not managing at the moment!  .

Duckling xx


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## muminthemaking

GalaxyGirl,  it sounds amazing. though it must be emotionally exhausting! I hope the fostercarer of the lil one is able to help him transfer that relationship to you and your dh. I'm guessing things have been made slightly more difficult due to them being with seperate carers, how have you found dealing with 2 fostercarers, 2 homes etc? Do they have the same sw? Sorry, lots of questions, dont answer if its not appropriate!

When is the plan to bring them home?

Enjoy!
MIM


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## we*want*a*furball

Galaxy girl - it must have been wonderful (and a little bit scary) meeting your lo's. Is there a plan for when they will be home with you permanently?

Duckling - you sound like you are loving being a mummy. Enjoy every second of this amazing time.

Muminthemaking - that's great news.   that you'll have your forever family very soon.

Hi to everyone else.

AFM - a week to go until our prep course, we are really looking forward to it. I started our family trees today, probably getting ahead of myself but i want to have them ready for our first HS visit. Can I ask how far back you have all gone on your family trees?


----------



## AoC

I haven't done a family tree yet, Furball - how are you doing yours?  Just sketched out on paper or something?  I wish I could see one as an example.  I'm not very good at stuff like that.

Lovely to hear from folks getting matched or meeting their LOs.    Congrats, GG and good luck MITM.  

Early start to get down to prep course tomorrow.  Very excited and a little bit nervous.


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## MrsYG

*AOC & Furball* - I went back 3 generations on my Family tree. I have a big family though! It would have got very complicated if I hadn't done it in advance. There is a online thing that you can use and it maps it all out for you... http://www.familyecho.com/#edit:START you just have to indicate the relationships, sex etc...

*GG -* Your intros sound lovely if not a bit exhausting... must be hard work going to two different placements. Hope you're taking time to chill when you can, before they come home for good! 

*MIM - *Hope your meeting with SW gets organised soon. How exciting!

xx

/links


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## we*want*a*furball

AoC - good luck with your prep course, I hope that you find it helpful and interesting. I'd love to know some of the course context if you get a mo. I've started our family tree on PowerPoint but I've spent many years using PowerPoint so am a bit of a geek on it. You can hand write it on paper if you wish, whatever is easiest for you.

MrsYG - thanks for the link. I'm going to have a look as I'm having issues fitting my family on a PowerPoint page!


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## AoC

I'm way more comfortable on a PC application than with pen and paper, furball!!  Powerpoint sounds like a good idea, and I'll check out the family echo link, too, thanks MrsYG! 

I'll let you know how the course goes.  I don't think we're supposed to go into too much detail, but I'll certainly feed back some examples of how it was, what it covered.    At the mo, we just have an agenda for the first day which includes starting with an ice breaker and sessions on what kind of children are involved and attachment.  They're going to be giving us homework for the day 2 to do the evening of day 1!  

Pity us in our travelodge room, struggling through our homework!!!


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## shuvit

Well - First of our Home Study sessions done and dusted this afternoon

Lovely to meet our SW who put us both at ease  

Next session booked for next week which includes the family tree - I will be doing this on PC I think

So exciting things are moving along


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## laura0308

Hi All,

Galaxy girl - glad intros going well, keep us updated when you have time.  Lovely to hear your happiness shine through your messages    

Duckling - enjoy every minute you have definitely earned it.   

Muminthemaking - good luck, hope it all happens quick.

Furball - Good luck on the prep course. I just dealt with living people on my family tree.

AFM - Panel said YES!!! Can't believe it!! Still not sunk in yet....

L


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## galaxy girl

LAURA - !!!!! BRILLIANT


Family trees - I covered from my grandparents down ( we have a small family) and for Dh his parents down ( he has a huge family)

Went really well today!!! Had wee one out and about and he coped v well. Roll on tomorrow!


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## Arrows

Fantastic Laura!!!!

AFU, We have finally got a place at panel -8th March (next week, Thursday)!!
In the meantime I continue to work like a manic to complete my course. 
We have also decided that we won't take a child home till August at earliest as feel it's important to complete my course, which ends in June, and attend my brother's weddings (28th July and 4th Aug). Fingers crossed that between now and August we find our match and get all the small details sorted though -I'd love for us to be linked beforehand!
Arrows


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

fantastic laura congratulations xx

arrows woww 8th march not long now good luck honey xxx

galaxy girl glad its all going so well xx

AFU we had a phonecall of sw today to tell us the meeting she was having tomorrow about us with her manager has been cancelled so we wont find out what our next step is now until next thursday so another week to wait. never mind we'll find out eventually,

hope everyone is ok

hugs Emma xx


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## flickJ

Emma - sorry to here the meeting has been put back, at least it's only a week - hang on in there


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thanks flick


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## Worththewait

Just popping by to thank those of you who kindly offered ur advice. We think we r going to go for concurrent care adoption route, u just dont know until u give things a chance.  

Well done to all those who have had good news recently, and to all those waiting patiently for things to happen, keep ur heads up things do get easier.

We are waiting patiently but know its soooo going to be worth it in the end!


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## .45074

Hi All

Hope everyone is ok. 

Galaxy Girl- sounds like the intros are going really well, do you know when they will be home with you (sorry if I have missed the post!)

AoC- how did prep group go today? Hope your homework is ok tonight!

Arrows- not long until panel! Sounds like you are being sensible re your other commitments. What course are you doing?

Emma- sorry you have to wait another week, hopefully will go quickly

Worththewait- We were also very interested in concurrency as our LA offers it, I don't think many places around the country do. What stage of the process are you at? I know when we spoke to them about it they said that we would be able to start the HS etc without having made a firm decision.

Hi to anyone I have missed..


AFM- I wanted to ask your advice... I have now rung around millions of LA and VAs! and as a result we have booked to go on 2 x LA and 2 x VA info evenings which will help us to make the decision about whether to stick with the LA we are with or go with someone else. I rang up one LA last week and explained to them they we had been invited to a info evening last year but had been unable to make it. The worker said to me that due to confidentiality etc they may not have kept my details. I said to her that we had been a bit hesitant as when they wrote to us they addressed the letter to someone else! (so much for confidentiality!) to which she said- haven't you ever made a mistake! I said yes, but that they had sent us two letter both in two different names, neither of them ours. So she said maybe they had the spelling wrong but I said they were completely different names (it was obviously a standatd template that hadnt been changed). Anyway, she said, well if you aren't confident in us then this probably isnt the best LA for you, call back tomorrow if you are still interested!   

I was SO angry (1) they are the ones who had clearly made the mistake so all she hadto do was apologise, especially given that it is concerning sensitive info (2) I WAS giving them a 2nd chance hence the phone call! (3) ironically this was the day that Michael Gove again spoke about the recruitment process putting people off.

I then googled this person who is the op director for the service! Under normal circumstances I would have made a complaint straightaway but I am a bit worried that this might backfire. Depending on which agency we are assessed by, this LA might potentially be in the consortium and I don't want anything to jepodise a potential match/link for us in the future. 

What do you think? Should I just let it go? I know it is nothing major but it really annoyed me!


----------



## swallowtail

Just popping by to say thank you for your replies the other day, regarding our LA. I have since spoken to a VA at length who were lovely, so we are going to their info evening next Monday! At least we haven't 'wasted' any time as any agency would probably say to wait 6 months after tx. 

xx


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## flickJ

Jem26 - can't believe how you where treated, I was shocked at the response.  

I think I would have the same initial reaction as you, but, I do think your right that in the long run it may cause problems. Good luck with whatever you decide and I hope you get the outcome you want.

Swallowtail - so glad you have found an agency who will help, I hope everything goes smoothly


----------



## muminthemaking

Hello everyone!

Swallowtail, thats good news about the VA, hope the info eve goes well and you find the right agancy for you

Jem- whilst I think their attitude was very poor, at least it can help you rule them out as an agency to apply to, think you may be best drawing a line under it and look forward to the info seesions you already have booked   

Worththewait - well done on making a decison, sounds like some exciting if tense times ahead for you

Emma- hope things can move quicker for you and you get the answers you hope for

Arrows - good luck for panel, you sound very sensible but also realistic and like you say hopefully by the time august comes around the details will have been sorted and it'll just be a case of bringing your lil ones home   

Galaxygirl, so pleased you're enjoying intros, must be nice to take lil ones out and not feel like you're being judged all the time

Congratulations Laura! What a feeling! Keep us posted in the next few weeks wont you x 

Hi to everyone else, hope you're enjoying homestudy, prep course and meeting your social workers

AFU - was so disappointed when we couldnt make the first date arranged by lil ones sw, so have spent the past 2 days sat by the phone willing it to ring with a new appointment, and finally it did today. We're on for next thurs, think it might be a busy weekend for dh whilst I'm away, will be compiling a nice lil list of jobs to be done! We've also discussed going ahead and preparing rooms, we haven't wanted to before now as we wasn't sure if we would have siblings or a singleton but it looks like its more likely to be sibs and witht he age range of 0-4 we can somewhat prepare, bring on the decorating and shopping!


----------



## Worththewait

hi Jem26, we are nearing the end of our home study. approval panel due may.  concurrent care must have been skimmed over during our course because i dont really remember thinking about it.  its near the end that our sw has started talking about the other routes to adoption. every week she seems to be coming up with another lol but when we heard concurrent care explained to us last week, it really appealed to us as its so much better in the long run for the child.  its just that i was  able to get paid adoption leave through work if we had went through normal channels and produced a matching certificate, but when ur fostering to adopt u cant get that and have to leave ur job to do it.  i can take a career break but wont get paid anything by my employers.  That was the only thing putting us off.  but having jigged a few things about and making sacrafices where we need to, we have worked out that it'll be worth not having those little luxuries that we take for granted.  having the joy that a child brings will give us all that we need.  looking forward to wat is ahead now.  Good luck with all that u have going on, typo  mistakes are little when u realise what could be at the end of this process for u, though i do understand ur annoyance and frustration. xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi, just a quick post to say Hi and that I am still around

Trying to keep up with everything that is going on but Im staying away from internet socialising for a while.

Weve finished our Prep course now and thoroughlt enjoyed the experience. Looking forward to starting the home study. We will hear from our allocated social worker next week and arrange the 1st homestudy date. Its likely to be the same social worker who did our initial visit and has lead the prep course so that will be nice if it is. 

Congratualtions to everyone who has had recent good news, sending lots of   to those having a bad time and a big   to all


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi everyone

Wow, so much is going on on here!!  Massive congrats to all the ladies being approved, matched, having intros.  So so exciting for you all, wishing you every happiness     

Wow Jem, that is awful.  Sorry you are having to deal with this.  Maybe it will make your decision that bit easier.  Is a worry regarding confidentiality, gets you thinking.... Good for you doing lots of research, i hope you find the right agency for you  

Hello Cantwait!  Congrats on finishing the prep course.  Nice to keep the same SW, sounds like your are forming a good relationship which is great going forward.  Hope all is ok with you and yours  

Hi AoC, how was prep?   Hope you had a good day, are not too drained, and have managed your homework!  

Swallow, positive news regarding VA, yay that info evening is so soon!   Here's hoping that things are back on track, and you'll find a good agency that is right for you.

Emma, hi lovely!! Thank you so so much for your lovely reply in my journal, I will post again soon! Sorry to hear that things have been delayed, we should be used to waiting but even a week can be so frustrating.    But amazing news about your weight loss, you should be very proud!  Well done you  

Shuvit, sounds like things are progressing well, super exciting!! I agree with you, PC all the way!! 

Hello to everyone else.  Hope that you are all making little steps towards your forever families  

Well, time is going soooo slowly waiting for our initial interview on Tuesday.  Had a bit of a meltdown earlier, just a bad day full of baby talk, pregnancy announcements and scan pics.  It still stings.  Feeling quite sorry for myself.  Hopefully after Tuesday the smile will be firmly back on my face.

Love to you all, Lolly xxxxxxx


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone

Lolly hope your doing ok now sweetie sending you lots of    
im really happy with my weight loss been smiling all day.

Tuesday will soon be here only 6 sleeps  


  to everyone xxxx


----------



## laura0308

Hi all,

Thanks for all your lovely thoughts.  Have been hitting the shops all day and back out again tomorrow - I will be my bank managers best friend   .  Fabulous not feeling like a fraud buying baby stuff, before matching every time anyone ask if it was a boy or girl or the age I would have to change subject quickly and lost the enjoyment of looking or buying. Now it's just fun     .

Saw a picture of our LO for the first time today and have to say my heart stopped with such a rush of WOW he's mine.  My BS who is 11 actually cried with joy, can't wait to have him home.

Hope everyone is doing ok. Lots of      to all.

Laura


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Laura that is amazing news! Congratulations to all your family!! I hope that all the happiness you deserve is coming your way!! All my love, Lolly x x x x x x


----------



## snapdragon

bad news today, our social worker has been rushed to hospital. She had a stroke last year so quite worried.

On a selfish note we are half way through home study so worried about whats going to happen. We even had a possible link which we were due to discuss the next steps of today. Can't see this happening now.


----------



## muminthemaking

AWWW Laura, that just sounds so amazing, bless you son with his reaction, such a special time for you, really hope he's home where he belongs very quickly, what are the plans for intros?

Snapdragon, poor sw and poor you   Its not self ish to wonder where this will leave you but try not to jump to conclusions at this time, things might not be as bad as they seem, and if god forbid something bad does/has happened to your sw, really hope  you will be allocated someone else with whom you can build a good relationship and continue to get this ball moving in the right direction x x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Laura -   That sounds fantastic, cant wait to be doing that ourselves. What a lovely time for you all.

Snapdragon - What a nightmare, doesnt sound good for your poor social worker   Im sure they'll replace her pretty quickly, at least she'll of done most of the work and if there's a possible match they'll want to hurry it all along for you. Chin up


----------



## galaxy girl

Hi all. Its so exciting Laura! We had such a short time scale in the end I mainly bought from Amazon - I don't know what my neighbour thinks of a cot mattress arriving and a single mattress - was very good of her to take them in!

all still going well.... youngest arrives to stay tomorrow....hope to have older boy home by  wednesday!! They were both home at ours today.....older boy loving his room!

I'm going to have to name them! Let me think......Might continue with the chocolate theme ... will go Ripple  and Buttons.....


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Wow fantastic news galaxy girl hope all goes well tomorrow I'm sure it will. 
Bet you won't get much sleep tonight I'd be too excited counting the hours lol. 

Good luck honey xxxxx


----------



## Mrs ABA

Hello ladies


Can I join your gang?  I have made a momentous decision - actually it has taken me several months but I have got there a few weeks ago.  After silly amounts of treatment, DH and I have decided that not only is adoption the best option, but also an exciting and positive option.  DH's bro is adopted and all our family very supportive.  We've been to an adoption evening but not yet contacted LA as I want to get a bit of time in after treatment.  But also want to start preparing myself for this new path!


No questions as yet - I'm reading up.  But would love to hang out with you guys and hopefully give and receive some support


Lovely news Laura and Galaxy Girl!


A
x


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## laura0308

Hi All,

Thanks for all your kind thoughts again - you are all amazing     .

Galaxy Girl - you must be thrilled   .  Your boys will be settled-in in no time - they are lucky to have such a wonderful mum.    

Snapdragon - that is bad news for your SW and you.  Am sure if a link is there they will do everything they can to make it happen.  Will keep fingers crossed for you     .

Mrs ABA - welcome onboard.  Support is always available and freely given.  Good luck on this path, it may be bumpy but will be worthwhile.    

We are having the co-ordination meeting on wednesday so will know when intros will start then. 

L


----------



## skyblu

Hi girls, wow there is a lot of new names so welcome  newbies

Congrats to any matches and panel approvals

Good luck to anyone starting out and starting prep courses or HS

AFU, well our SW went to panel to see if anything can be done about DH stupid smoking thing, but they are adamant that we have to wait a year before a child will be placed with us. They are concerned that DH hasn't been honest and also something else has turned up on the checks on him that he hasn't mentioned, this happened when he was 17yrs old and he didn't think to mentioned it and had in all honesty forgeten about it. Our SW is coming to see us on March 12 and will continue with our assessment as she now need's to gain DH "trust and honesty".
So everyone, please be honest with your SW and don't try and hide anything, because they will find out.
There is a lot of hoops to jump through and it can be very frustrating and with a bit of luck Cameron will make adoption a bit easier, when this will happen I don't know. Stick with it as I am sure it will be worth it in the end.
Sorry for the downer post but I am so pi**ed off with DH and the whole system.
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Arrows

hugs Skyblu. xx


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## someday

skyblu said:


> Hi girls, wow there is a lot of new names so welcome  newbies
> 
> Congrats to any matches and panel approvals
> 
> Good luck to anyone starting out and starting prep courses or HS
> 
> AFU, well our SW went to panel to see if anything can be done about DH stupid smoking thing, but they are adamant that we have to wait a year before a child will be placed with us. They are concerned that DH hasn't been honest and also something else has turned up on the checks on him that he hasn't mentioned, this happened when he was 17yrs old and he didn't think to mentioned it and had in all honesty forgeten about it. Our SW is coming to see us on March 12 and will continue with our assessment as she now need's to gain DH "trust and honesty".
> So everyone, please be honest with your SW and don't try and hide anything, because they will find out.
> There is a lot of hoops to jump through and it can be very frustrating and with a bit of luck Cameron will make adoption a bit easier, when this will happen I don't know. Stick with it as I am sure it will be worth it in the end.
> Sorry for the downer post but I am so pi**ed off with DH and the whole system.
> Skyblu.xxx


sorry to hear that skyblu. we had our 3rd day of prep yesterday. we had a paeditrician come and speak to us. she said smoking was a no no but it won't be long before they can't say that anymore. hopefully that will be good news for you to be able to adopt sooner than a year. i dont know if the proposed changes by gov afftects thatxxx


----------



## MrsYG

Someday - Glad Prep is going well, we found it very interesting.

Skyblu -    hugs to you, you must be so p#*?ed off.  You're right though, there is no point trying to hide anything, they will only find out and then wonder what else you're hiding.  I really hope you can move forwards with this, and that its spurred your DH to stop smoking completely.  I know it feels impossible at the moment, but I'm sure you'll get there.

Welcome to Mrs ABA    you're right adoption is a much more positive expereinece when compared to treatment.  Hope the time passes quickly for you and you can start the process. 

GG - You must be so thrilled, hope your LO settles in well today at home.  Enjoy it Mummy!

Snapdragon - Sorry to hear about your SW    I hope things aren't as bad as they seem, and your HS gets back on track asap!!  Exciting about the link too, although you must be feeling pretty despondent about it now.   

Lolly - Tuesday will be here before you know it, keep yourself busy cleaning the house ready for the visit.  They do normally have a quick look round, my house had never been so clean before!   

Can't wait - Glad you enjoyed Prep    I hope you get straight into HS now, we found that quite therapeutic tbh. 

AFU - Well, we had THE call we have been waiting for yesterday      We have a possible link... (she says whispering) SW wanted to touch base and let us know, but she couldn't tell us any further info just yet.  We're going to meet up one day next week, I think the LO doesn't have a PO yet, and they are in court on Tuesday.  Surely she wouldn't tell us if there was any chance it wouldn't be straight forward EEK, how will we sleep and function until next week?    Exciting


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## Anjelissa

Just wanted to say hi to everyone   
Welcome to all the newcomers   

skyblu.......huge hugs hun   .
I really feel for you, it must be so very frustrating   
I know it's not the same thing but remember all the setbacks and waiting poor AAA had, but if she hadn't had them she wouldn't have the particular little princess she has now. I'm sure looking back she would agree that some things, however frustrating, really do seem to happen for a reason. Maybe your extra period of waiting will prove to be the same. When you do get to the end of the process and you are matched, your lo will have finally found their way to you, the Mummy and Daddy they are meant to be with.   
Maybe they aren't quite there yet (or not even born yet) hence the need for you to be delayed a bit   
I've found looking at things this way has helped me through some hard times in life.
I hope the wait goes quickly for you and that your LA do all they can to support you without adding any further delays than you already have   

Love Anj x x


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## flickJ

Mrs YG - I am over the moon for you, you must be so exited (Don't lose too much sleep, things will be fine)     

Skyblu - all I can say is "    "

Congratulations to you GG, it is so wonderful for you  

Welcome to all those who are about to start the biggest journey of our lives and     to everyone


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## we*want*a*furball

Hi ladies

I haven't been on for a few days as I've been run off my feet.

GG - massive congratulations, what a wonderful time for you. Enjoy being a mummy and everything it brings.

MrsYG - that's so exciting, I hope that it all goes well.

Snapdragon - your poor SW, I hope that she's ok. You're not being selfish at all. Is somebody going to contact you to tell you what's going on and how you're going to proceed if SW is too unwell to return to work?

Laura - a very exciting time for you. Hopefully you'll be able to sleep between now and Wednesday!

Hi to everybody else.

AFM - prep course starts on Monday. It runs every Monday in March and we're hoping HS starts in April.

Must get back to baking brownies. I hope that you all have a lovely weekend.


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## AoC

Oh my goodness, so much activity!  Brilliant!  

FANTASTIC, Laura!!!  So lovely to hear about you shopping and your BS's reaction!

GG, that sounds really positive!  Wonderful.  

Good luck for next Thursday Arrows!!!

I'm sorry you've got to wait, Emma.  Hugs!

Definitely worth it, WorthThe!

Personally, Jem, I would let it go, and accept it as a clear sign you should not proceed with that LA!  (((hugs)))

I'm glad you're getting somewhere, Swallow.  

Oh brilliant, Muminthe!!!  You're at the shopping and decorating stage!  I so look forward to that...  

Glad your prep course was good, Can't Wait.    Good luck for your home study visit!  

It's ups and downs, isn't it, Lolly?  Lots of ((((hugs)))) for you, and I'm sure you'll feel much better soon.

Oh no, Snap!  How worrying for you, and awful for her.  I'm sure your LA/VA will pick up the threads quickly, try not to be anxious.  (((hugs)))

Welcome Mrs Aba!  Great to see you.  

Skyblu, I think it's honest and reasonable to be peed off with DH and the system.  I think you have a right to be angry and to express it, to him, and to your SW!  I'm so sorry about the delay and the worry, but I hope it will pass soon, and someday you'll be sitting in a prep course telling other prospective adopters how fabulous it is to be a mummy, and then you'll have to think hard to remember any bumps along the way...  ((((hugs))))

When I saw your post, Mrs YG, I squealed OMG!  So exciting....  everythign crossed for you!   

Hi Angie.  

*waving to flickJ*

Good luck on Monday, Furball!  

Thanks for all the good wishes for the prep course.    We've just got home.  It was actually superb.  We're knackered, but full of enthusiasm and feel well-equipped, stretched and challenged, but raring to go.  Some of the bits (past abuse, neglect etc) that I was expecting to find difficult was serious but I took in my stride, and other bits (like talking about the birth parents saying goodbye) just blind-sided me and made me well up.  The other prospective adopters were a lovely bunch, and and the SWs were so professional and encouraging.  Just brilliant.

We had a panel of previous adopters today, and the tips they gave were: Be Honest, Be Open, Be Patient, and it's the Best Thing Ever.


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## skyblu

Thank you AoC, Arrows, Flick, Anj, MrsYG and Someday, for all your support and kind msg you have sent.
They really do mean the world to me and help me immensely, especially Anj, yes you are right about what you said about AAA and I remember saying the same thing to her when she was delayed with her op and then her FIL passing.
Thank you again ladies, without your support things would be a hell of lot harder and please don't forget I am also here for all of you  and if anyone wants any advice or just having a bad day just msg me and have a rant.

Skyblu.xxxxx


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## Mrs ABA

Mrs YG     v exciting for you!  Good news too for Furball!


So sorry to hear your news skyblu - how very frustrating.  Hope SW sees some sense - surely everyone has a right to forget what happened when they were 17...


AFM - open day in April and we'll start off then.  We went to one a bit ago during treatment, but will use this one to find if anything has changed, and get ourselves started!  I went to my local library for books on adoption - they only had one and the library is huge!  Not v impressed.


Thanks for the welcome, ladies - looking forward to getting to know you all.


A
x


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Hello everyone

Hope you have all had nice weekends  

Skyblu, I'm sorry to hear your news.  I am surprised that they are considering something that happened so many years ago.  It seems quite shocking actually.  Of course your DH will have been a totally different person back then, a teenage boy for goodness sake!  Not surprised he didn't think to mention it.  This makes me angry as it is stories like this that prolongs the process and puts people off from adopting, all the while there are so many children waiting to be loved.  I like to think that the others are right though, this delay is here for a reason, as without it you won't find your beautiful child in the near future    

AoC, that is great news and some good advice.  I bet you are raring to start HS now!

Eeeek, Mrs YG, very exciting, everything crossed!    

Hello, Mrs ABA, great to get your research in now!  This site is great, and i'm learning so much.

Hi Emma, hope you are ok?  Bet the weight is falling off   Keep it up girl!!

How are you Flick?  I hope that you have had a nice relaxing weekend  

Sorry to hear about your SW Snapdragon.  You are not selfish, its natural to think 'what next?' in such circumstances.  Hope you SW is ok, and you get some answers soon  

Hi to everyone else!!!!

Well feeling a lot better than last week.  I guess mini meltdowns are natural after all we have all been, and continue to go through.  Getting excited now, two more sleeps!     Our initial interview isn't at home, our LA summon us to go to them!!  To be honest thats fine as we are going away to see my brother wednesday and so there is lots of washing and packing going on at the moment!

Will keep you posted!

Love to you all, Lolly xxxxx


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## Victoria_In_London

Hello everyone
I used to spend a LOT of time on the IUI boards of Fertility Friends and eventually (after a total of 12 IUIs, one IVF and two miscarriages) we were lucky enough to have two children.  We're now hoping to adopt a third.  We're about halfway through the home study and awaiting medical approval which has been a bit of a nightmare (we'll know whether we've passed by the end of this week    ).
I'd love to chat to you all as we go - it's been great to read your posts and hear your experiences.
Love VIL x


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi ladies, on phone so difficult to see previous posts but as on page 40, it's certainly been a chatty few wks since I was last on!

Just got back from a wknd in Edinburgh which was lovely and just what we needed. Still waiting to hear from SW to get our official yes to start assessment. Told we'd hear within 2 weeks but still waiting so DH is going to phone and try and get the answer. 

Hope you've all had a good wknd x


----------



## galaxy girl

Hi all. Well buttons has been home now from friday and has settled really well. he sleeps a full 12 hours a night!!

poor ripple is sick though....full of the measles......poor wee pet. we are due to see him again in the morning. just waiting for buttons to take them now  not.

hope everyone is well. whoo hoo mrs YG and so glad prep went well AoC


----------



## AoC

Good luck with your initial interview, Lolly! 

Mrs Aba, I found adoption books spread across a couple of places in the library?  And our SW has said she can loan us some, too.

Welcome Victoria!  Fingers crossed for your medicals.  

Hope you hear soon, Greenie.  

Lovely that they're home and settling, GG, but sorry about the measles.  Mind you, one SW at the HS said that being sick on placement can be a blessing in disguise - often kids who would struggle to attach normally have their barriers lowered by being sick, and it gives the parents a good excuse to coddle them!  (Not that you need an excuse, I'm sure!)  

Have a good week, everyone.


----------



## Arrows

all go here -working like a loony to complete another 13 assignments by thursday (got 5 done) and panel on thurs too. Getting a bit fed up with the hours I've having to put in to completing this course -exhausted now. Getting very nervous about panel too. Our friend is a panel member and had to refuse this one but told us the chair was scary but the others were nice. What if they reject us? After all the delays and silliness the past few months I don't know what to expect anymore. :-(


----------



## flickJ

Arrows - all the best for Thursday, I am sure everything will be fine. Don't work too hard (easier said than done)


----------



## MrsYG

Arrows - Wow you've been very busy, good luck with completing the assignments and of course for Panel    I'm sure you sail right through it!

GG - Poor Ripple, hope he's on the mend really soon.  Hope everything is still going well for you all.

VIL - Welcome, and good luck for your medicals.  

Greeniebop - Hope you hear something soon, and can get moving with everything.

MrsABA - You can usually borrow books from your LA/VA once you've decided who to go with.  But I keep an eye for cheap ones on Ebay/Amazon.  You cannot read too much   

Lolly - Good Luck for your intial interview, lucky you going to them... saves cleaning the house from top to bottom    Let us know how you go on.

Flick, Furball, AoC - How are you ladies?  

Skyblu - How are you feeling this week?

AFU - Well, we've tried to keep busy this weekend, willing the time to pass quickly, I am    that SW rings with good news tomorrow, or possibly Weds... oh I hope its tomorrow.  We went window shopping yesterday, getting all excited about being able to finally and legitimately look in Mothercare etc.. Of course we can't even think about buying anything until we know the age/gender etc..  I can feel myself ready to burst just thinking about it.  We haven't told family yet that we have a possible link, because we don't have anything to tell them, but they are all waiting to go out shopping for LO!  It will be the most loved LO in the world


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hello everybody, sorry for being MIA and not being much support. I hopefully back on form now  

Going to try a few personals but Im not fully up to date as theres so much happening at the min and Ive just not been keeping up. Ive attempted to update the posters list, please let me know if theres any further changes needed!

Galaxy - How lovely for you to have buttons home, poor ripple though - hope they feel better soon. Loving the chocolate names  

AoC - Glad you enjoyed your Prep aswell, when do you start the home study?

Mrs YG - How exciting, bet your fit to burst waiting to hear from S/W   you hear soon and fingers crossed its the LO for you. Keeps us updated  

Arrows -   for bring over worked and   for Panel. Im sure all will be fine but best of luck.

Skyblu - Ah thats such a shame. I would just like to agree with Anjelissa, I could of wrote exactly the same post. I do believe that the hurddles and setbacks we get in life are painful and frustrating at the time but its always fate and you'll look back and realise why it was needed and meant to be for you guys. Atleast you can keep going with the home study in the meanwhile. Good luck to you both  

AAA - Are you still around, hows things with your LO?? x

Welcome to Mrs ABA and Victoria_In_London, this is a growing forum at the min, lots happening and lots of newbies, its great  

 to anyone Ive missed off, hope your all doing well  

XxX


----------



## AoC

I'm good, thank you MrsYG.    Loving your Mothercare Moment!  

We've already started, Can't Wait.  Our second visit is on Weds.


----------



## E3021

Ladies, I'm always on here reading what you have to say every day so I feel like I know you all but I am always too shy to write - never seemed to be anything noteworthy enough about us to write about before.

We were approved at panel a few weeks ago and it was one of the best days of my life so far - Arrows have everything crossed for you, sounds like you're having a tough time at the moment, am sure panel day will make it all melt away - that yes is a wonderful thing after all the hard work of home study.

Galaxy Girl - I love the names you've given your LOs, hope Ripple gets well soon and Buttons avoids it!

Skyblu - I've been reading your story for a few months now and am so sorry to hear about the delays and postponements, it must be so horrible for you, I really hope the system comes good for you soon.xx

I'm finally getting involved because we have a link to a potential LO but another couple are interested and our SW is really hammering home the possibility of a learning difficulty - our LO is one / two months delayed for cognitive development and apparently attention is a bit delayed too. To me this seems like nothing but our SW keeps telling us to be cautious.

TBH a learning difficulty doesn't scare me, we would want to nuture our LO to the best of our ability and are fully prepared to give all the needed support.

Has anyone else experienced SWs being really unkeen about a match? Is she testing us to see if we're really committed? Or should I be scared?

She keeps saying that it's early days and we haven't been approved long. But what if this is our LO and we don't fight to get them? 

Any experiences /opinions gratefully received.

Mrs YG can you say anything about your link - any risks to discuss? Sorry to be direct - just trying to get a feel for how other links go, please ignore me if you can't / don't want to say anything!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

DH phoned SW today and was informed that head SW is on holiday and that everyone is booking holidays for next few weeks to use up holiday before year end! He said when should we expect to hear as you told us it would be by Thursday last week and she said 'you'll hear when you hear so try and put it to the back of your mind' grrr, not a happy bunny but nothing we can do except sit and wait.

Off to burn some calories now x


----------



## flickJ

Oh Greeniebop, I'm so sorry - it must be so frustrating for you and your DH, I hope you get positive news soon.


----------



## AoC

Welcome, E3021!  Congrats on being approved, and good luck with the link.  I'm glad you posted and I'm sure some more knowledgeable folks will be along soon to reassure you.  

Greenie, that's not on.    So frustrating!


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

Hi everyone I am still here but just don't seem to find a lot of time! Hi to all the newbies and wow there are a lot of you.
We are really good Bubba has been poorly not really sure whats wrong and on top of that is teething but its all good she just isn't sleeping all that well so feel like a bit of a zombie!! Hubby has been doing a training course at work so has had a 3 shift pattern roll which confuses her totally. Bubba is amazing we are truely lucky to have such a wonderful girl she is changing and growing everyday, her speech is amazing, we went to a soft play centre yesterday and she was cuddling a 10month little boy (well he wasn't that little he was taller than her) but was so cute. I love been a mummy I am not gonna lie its been really hard but we are loving it and can't wait for the nicer weather. Stay strong everyone there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. 

Sorry for no personals but I read when I can but just don't have a hope of keeping on top of what is happening with everyone xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi AAA  
I'm glad all is going so well   
Lovely to hear from you   

Love Anj x


----------



## we*want*a*furball

Hi all

Greenie - how annoying, that really must be very frustrating for you.  

GG - poor little ripple, hopefully he'll be well soon and you can get him home.

E3021 - congrats on being approved. I'm sending   for your potential link.

AFM - we had our first day of prep yesterday and it was great. It was so lovely to be with people who had been through a similar journey. SW do love to be negative about everything but the whole group are just smiling and letting it go over our heads. Completely knackered today but can't wait to continue next Monday.

Sorry to those I've missed out but I'm struggling to keep my eyes open after yesterday and a day of homework and form filling today.


----------



## E3021

We want a furball - we felt exactly the same on our prep group - we loved it and felt really excited by the adoption process. A couple of our lovely SWs told us not to worry too much about the negative comments from some SWs - they didn't want us to be put off by it all. 
At the same time I understand that we do need to understand worst case scenarios to check we really are serious about the adoption process and what might be in store for us.

Hope you enjoy the next one, I found a large glass of wine was needed at the end of each of ours - we were buzzing with excitement, but mentally exhausted!

AFU - DH's turn to ring the SW tomorrow, will be full of butterflies all day again I suppose, keeping everything crossed for good news!


----------



## laura0308

Hey all,

Been ran of our feet past few sayd getting everything ready for intros and LO coming home but think have caught up on events.

Greenie - sorry about your news, know how your feeling, will send     your way.

GG - poor ripple but at least it's better to get these things young, cross fingers for a speedy recovery.

E3021 - so happy for you, getting approval is wonderful.    for your potential link.

Furball - glad you loved prep, think they give bad news to try to put us all off - the bravest survive!!!

AFU - Bit upset and bothered tonight.  Intros that were meant to start tomorrow have been cancelled    .  Was so looking forward to meeting LO, can't believe it's all stop at the last minute.  Have meeting with SW tomorrow and hope to hear better news then.

L
XX


----------



## Mrs ABA

Sorry to hear that Laura - hope you get it rescheduled soon.


Thanks AAA for sharing your happy ending!  V nice to hear.


Nice too to hear about the prep course.  I am looking forward to the journey - albeit with trepidation...


Cheers


A


----------



## E3021

Oh Laura, gutted for you! Can only begin to imagine your disappointment.    for good news for you tomorrow.
xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Ah Laura   what a nightmare, have they said why theyve cancelled/postponed intro's??   you get some good news and move forward soon X


----------



## MrsYG

Laura - How frustrating for you    Hope you get some answers from your SW today   

AAA - So lovely to hear from you, Bubba sounds amazing!  Clever little girl   

AFU - We have very little info about our link until tomorrow, all we know is that he is a 12month old little BOY   Its hard trying to contain the excitement!


----------



## muminthemaking

HI!
MrsYG - how exciting! what an excellent age, fingers crossed he's all you've been hoping for!

Laura- you must be so disappointed, so frustrating that they should cancel at such short notice! Really hope things get sorted quickly for you and you get your lil one home soon!

We want a furball - how is prep going? Keeping you busy!

AAA - your lil one sounds adorable! Hope her teeth come through nice and quicly and she gets back to her normal self, life sounds great for you

Congratulations E3201! Welcome to the madness of being approved!

Welcome Victoria-in-London!

hi Angelissa, can't wait, Mrs ABA, AOc, flickj, Arrows, GG, greeniebop, Lolly, Skyblu...am sure there are many more but at a loss for names   

AFU- well, tomorrow we meet link worker and sw to our prospective lil ones! Very exciting times, have brought some furniture this weekend including the most adorbale 4 poster toddler bed! Really hoping it all goes well and we all decide these are the ones for us, just want our lil ones wherever they may be home with us now!   
Will let you know more when we know more

MITM


----------



## AoC

Laura, that's so upsetting!  I'd be in a mess - lots of hugs for you, and I hope you hear better news soon.

Mrs YG, I get real shivers of excitement thinking what it must be like for you.  

Likewise for you, MITM!  The bed sounds so cute!

We're meeting our SW for our second home study visit this pm.  So far kinda relaxed about it....


----------



## shuvit

AoC - We are meeting our SW for our second visit this evening 

Today we are doing home h&s assessment, finance and family trees

Unlike you - I am not relaxed - My home is currently upside down, as we are having our kitchen gutted, all kitchen units are in spare bedroom, items from the kitchen units on the dining table and around the house in boxes - maybe not the best way I would like to portray my household - but, we did warn her last week what was happening!!


----------



## Arrows

Shuvit, don't worry they will take it into account!

Good luck for the link meeting tomorrow MITM, we have our adoption panel tomorrow so getting very nervous and no idea how I'm possibly going to get any sleep tonight! Fingers crossed for us all who have big meetings tonight and tomorrow!


----------



## skyblu

Arrows, good luck for today 

Laura, so sorry 

Hi to everyone  Hope you are all well and keeping sane 

Skyblu.xx


----------



## AoC

Good luck Arrows!  I'm sure it'll all be fine.  

We had our second SW visit yesterday, and breezed through our support networks and family tree.  Apparently they used to expect applicants to do loads of homework (we heard this from the previous adopters panel) and they listened to feedback and reduced it, so she basically sat with us and wrote it all out from what we said.  She gives us worksheets for the next session, but just expects us to read and discuss before our we meet again.

Such a relief not to be weighed down with homework right now!  So after she left I sat down and finished the bag I'm making at my sewing evening class.    I feel so accomplished....  *g*  But don't look too closely at the stiching....


----------



## shuvit

Arrows & MITM - Good Luck

AoC - Our meeting went well too - We  have out one2one's next week, sacry as we generally bounce off each other in conversation with SW so it will be strange for DH not to be sat at my side, we will be going through our childhood etc

Main concern last night was our finances as we got into debt 5 years ago due to DH being made redundant, but as we are in arrangements with repayments SW has advised this will help at panel


----------



## snapdragon

AoC Lucky you not having much homework, we've had 4 meetings so far and have had stacks. 

Its been a very sressful week waiting to find out about our social worker who was rushed into hospital last week. Unfortunately she can't continue our assessment. We don't know the details but she is in a serious condition. 

Our LA have been quite good though and we have a new sw who will be phoning us next week. She is the same sw as some friends from our prep gp. Apparently she works in a different way and they have had no homework. Hope I havn't done all that work for nothing.  Our panel date will have to be moved but we don't even know when it was supposed to be as she was due to tell us at our next meeting.


----------



## AoC

Shuvit, we're in the same position!  Right from the off, we wrote a letter explaining our financial situation, how the repayments work (we're in a debt management plan) when we expect to be debt free, and all the positives.  We listed how many debts we'd paid off, how we'd reduced our debt, how we managed our budget positively and how our situation was flexible.  We stressed we'd been actively managing our finances successfully since 2009, knew how and why we'd got into trouble and learned from that, and showed that we'd created no new debt (no credit cards, overdrafts, anything) since Nov 2009.

We said we were ashamed of having messed it up so badly, and proud of how we'd managed since.   

Both sets of SWs (we started off with LA and then switched to VA) said that how we'd shared it all up front was very impressive, and how we were managing now actually showed us in a better light than many people who'd never had to recover from serious money woes.

So it just goes to prove what everyone says about being up front and honest will help in the long run.   

I'm sure your one-to-ones will go well, Shuvit, don't worry!   

I know we're lucky, snapdragon!  I feel slightly guilty, but very relieved.    I'm so sorry about your SW, but I'm glad you've been reassigned quickly.  I'm sure you won't have done the work for nothing - probably it will make it easier for her to get up to speed and keep your progress ticking along.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone

Arrows hope today's gone well been thinking of you xxxx

Mitm hope the meetings gone well today xxx

Afm just had the call off the sw and we're booked on the prep course in may we're both very excited we're still being sent for early medicals but they decided to start prep course too otherwise we'd we waiting do long for things to happen she's confident there won't be any problems with my weight as long as medicals come back good which I'm sure they will. 

Hugs to everyone 

Xxxxxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Arrows been thinking about u all day ... Hope all went well x


----------



## E3021

MITM and Arrows - how did it all go? Hope all good. 

Shuvit - hope all well with home study, don't panic about the house - they'll understand.

We were given a photo today of out potential LO, absolutely gorgeous! 

Eight sleeps until they choose between us and the other interested party -   that this is our turn. Don't think I'll be getting much sleep over the next week, my tummy is in knots already.


----------



## Arrows

APPROVED!!!!!!

The decision was a unanimous yes and we were in there for only 15/20mins. They took less than 5mins to come and tell us it was a yes and we had to wait another 10mins because they all became engrossed in our family book and it took 10mins to get them to give it back to us, lol!!!


----------



## GERTIE179

Fantastic news arrows x x


----------



## Mrs ABA

Arrows!


E3021    sending all good vibes and    you get chosen.


AFM - open day booked 4 April.


A
x


----------



## flickJ

Congratulations Arrows, wonderful news, couldn't be happier for you   

E3021 - fingers crossed for you  

Shuvit - hope it all went well  

Good luck to all


----------



## shuvit

Fantastic News Arrows  

Flickj - all ok last night thankyou - one2ones next week - eek!!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Fantastic News Arrows    

E3021 - Ah that's lovely, the suspense must be killing you.   you get picked

Xx


----------



## panorama

Just wanted to send a big congrats to Arrows!!   Hope your LO finds you very soon!

E3021 - everything crossed for you!!    Must be so hard!

AOC - glad your hs is going well 

Galaxy Girl - so glad intros went well, enjoy the craziness that is parenthood! 

Hi to everyone else, so hard getting time to come on at the moment, but thinking of you all and hoping 2012 carries on bringing good news to this board! Our LO is doing fab, speech has really come on in the last month and is like a little parrot and at 18 months can already count to 6!!! Amazing little boy, we are so proud 

panorama x


----------



## skyblu

Well done Arrows  

Skyblu.xx


----------



## AoC

Congrats on getting on to the prep course, Emma, and good luck with the medicals - I'm sure they'll be fine.  

Oh how fantastic, E3021 - a photo!  

She's right, Shuvit, they'll understand about the house.  

*high five*  YES!!!  Well done, Arrows!  And lol at your family book!!!  Many congratulations on being approved... now on to the next exciting stage..  

Lovely news from you, panorama, thanks for popping in with a positive report!  

Our referees are reporting that they've had their requests for a reference.  This is really happening!


----------



## E3021

Thanks everyone for the good wishes. Can't help fantasising a little bit about what might happen!

AoC - it is happening! Enjoy it - I loved the prep course and home study because every visit felt like we were a step closer to becoming parents - after years of tx you're heading towards a definite outcome instead of a maybe and it's well exciting!!.xxx

Congratulations Arrows - you must be on cloud nine!

Panorama - your little boy sounds beautiful, it's so lovely to hear from people who have got their LO home - it gives us all hope.

Hello and good vibes to everyone I've missed 
Have a good Friday everyone - almost the weekend!


----------



## AoC

E3021 said:


> AoC - it is happening! Enjoy it - I loved the prep course and home study because every visit felt like we were a step closer to becoming parents - after years of tx you're heading towards a definite outcome instead of a maybe and it's well exciting!!.xxx


Yes, that's how I feel.  Sometimes it makes me cry.


----------



## muminthemaking

Okay, just a lil bit overwhelmed here, why isn't there a smiley crying face ?!?!

We're going to panel april 17th for 2 children!!!!!!!      

Was visited last night by their link worker and sw, I have to admit I felt that this meeting was harder then panel, and could not read them at all, but that doesn't matter now as today they have said they absolutely believe we are 'the' parents for springbok and sharkey (its a south african thing!)

Shocked! Have had the best reaction off my 7 year old niece shouting congratulations down the phone, talking really fast telling me about the princess dresses she has for sprinkgbok and how she's gonna do a welcome to the family card, you wouldn't believe she has another 5 cousins! She did ask if they would be sad though to leave their family to which my sister said no cos they'll be coming to a better and safer place. Bless her!

Will finally get to see photos on tuesday. cant believe this is really gonna happen (touch wood), and in 2 months our lil ones will be home! So much to do!

Sorry its such a me post, quick but massive congratulations to Arrows


----------



## flickJ

Oooooh that's wonderful news, love your neices reaction    (it brought tears to my eyes)  

I have my fingers crossed that all goes well, and I'm sure it will.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Congratulations MIM, how wonderful  

AoC and Shuvit, you guys are really moving aren't you!   We've only just been informed of who our SW is for the HS, he does full days instead of a couple hours here and there so will be exhausting but hopefully we'll catch up soon  

X


----------



## E3021

just a quickie to say WOOHOO to MITM - what a wonderful piece of news, enjoy every minute.


----------



## GERTIE179

Woohoo MIM that's great news


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hello ladies,


Its just taken me some time to catch up on the news and boy there has been some fantastic news   


AOC - Glad it went well....its all happening now for you   


we want a furball - Glad to hear your prep course is going well.


Laura0308 - Sorry intros didn't happen, hope you get some news soon   


MrsYG - Yey to getting your link, lovely news   


Mum in the making - Was just thinking 'fingers crossed' and then saw your absolutely amazing news so          one of each flavour!!!! So so happy for you and hope things progress quickly for you x


Shuvit - Glad all went well


Arrows - yey to getting approved, another huge milestone achieved    


I am sure that I have forgotten some people so hello to you all.


AFU - We finally got the call from our SW today and she said that they would be delighted to accept our application so they are taking us on!!!!        Feel like a weight has been lifted. She was very apologetic about the time it has taken. The only fly in the ointment is that it would now appear that this delay has cost us our place on the June prep course so we'll have to go on Sept course   . She did say that we could go on the reserve list for June so we'll def do that. DH has had to go out tonight so feel a bit like a child with a new game but no one to play it with!!!! Anyway, its Friday, and there is a bottle of pink wine in the fridge so I may just treat myself to a small glass!!! Have a lovely weekend 


Greenie x


----------



## Arrows

YAY MITM! you must be so excited!

lots of good news but replying on mobile phone so must be brief -I feel overwhelmed by all the support we have received, it's been incredible! thank you all so much as you've been a big part of that! long may we continue to support each other (and newbies -welcome home!


----------



## laura0308

Hi Everyone,

Sorry been MIA but been hectic, hellish few days. Out the other side though  

AOC - Well done will send out lots of   to you.

we want a furball - keep enjoying the prep course.

MrsYG - So happy for you, hope link is a smooth path to happy families









Mum in the making - Can't believe your news, that is fantastic   

Shuvit - Glad things are going well

Arrows - Approval is wonderful, will    it's quick to the linking stage, I know every minute will feel like a year. Enjoy all the happy feelings and just remember it's a when now not an if!!!!!

Greenie - Role on the application - know you will fly through   

Hi to everyone else, hope your having a smooth journey.

AFU - Intros have been rescheduled and we start next wednesday, yeah!!! Though feels like an age away. Crossing everything all going well we should have our LO home in 2 weeks.

Love to all

L


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## oliver222

Lots of exciting news on here at moment.

I got letter through yesterday with details of prep group. 2 day course on 13th and 20th April. Very excited.


----------



## Arrows

sounds good Laura and Oliver!

Laura, we are gonna focus the next few weeks of the first of the my brothers' weddings. and getting back up to date with my coursework (lol, made spelling mistake at first and said cursework!!!). 
On train to Wales at the moment and in lots of pain with my back -taken a very strong painkiller just now so praying I don't become a space cadet and forget where to get off!!!


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## MrsYG

MITM - Fantastic news     Congratulations... not a long wait til panel either!  Fabulous news...it is so overwhelming isn't it, I had so many emotions running through me I didn't know if to laugh, cry, scream   

Laura - So glad intros are back on track, it'll soon be here, have you spent the weekend buying lovely things??

Greenie - Yeah, great news they've accepted you, but what a shame you missed the June Prep, lets hope someone drops out and you get bumped up   

AFU, We have confirmed that we want to continue with our link, and LO's SW will visit us next week with a DVD    if everything goes to plan, we could be at Panel first week of May.  After our intial shock of LO's age, we were mentally prepared for a 2-3 year old, we are now over the moon.  Pity people have to rain on your parade though... I was told about a lady who had IVF and had twins, why don't you try that clinic     ARGH!!!!!!!!!  Why don't you just accept that I will never be pregnant or give birth, get over it.... we have!  So annoying and upsetting for me too, when we are trying to look to the future with our potential LO.

x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

MrsYG -    people are so stupid!!   They dont have a clue or they simply dont engage their brain before opening their mouths do they!  Sending  for your future LO and this exciting time your busy going through. Its unique and special to your family, thats all that counts. Enjoy it and avoid insensitive and unsupportive people they are all  

XxX


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## Angels4Me

Hi all
We are attending our first adoption info evening next week. Excited and nervous    Anyone got advice as to questions to ask although I know a lot of questions will come to us as we go along? 
Anyone at the same stage?
Angels


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## Sparkle JJ

Hi Angels4me

We attended our first info evening last week and it was really interesting.

It was a drop in centre kind of set up with a few social workers, a couple who had adopted, their son and another guy who had also adopted.  

We didn't go with any specific questions in mind, but we did spend a fair bit of time with the couple asking them about their experiences and learning how they found the process.  After our chat with them we spoke to the social worker who had a quick 15 min chat with us (asking about family, job, background etc) and then she asked us if we would like to officially apply and said they would be in contact with us to arrange a SW visit. 

2 days later we get a phone call from a SW asking to visit us this friday, unfortunately we can't make it this week as quite short notice, however hoping to get a visit arranged for next week.

When we arrived the SW advised us to chat to the adoptive parents and to have a think about what worries us most about going through the process or being a parent and ask questions about that from the parents!

Sorry I can't be more help

J x


----------



## Angels4Me

Hi J
Thanks for that. all good bits for me to consider. 
I will have to read your journey to see how it goes next. Hard leaving that thought of not having my bio child although I have moved on a lot in some regards, not so emotional and have settled more since our move.
angels x


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## flickJ

Angels4me - good luck on your journey, I am at a similar stage to you - just taking those first steps. 

Our Information day was really 'full-on', a whole day of info on children, why they are up for adoption, how many there are, how the adoption process works, what to expect on the training days and on the home study, how much they need to know, books we need to read, work we need to do - we came away with our heads spinning and, as they said, no question is stupid so we went ahead and asked all sorts. My advise is to just say what you feel, you will get a lot of help and advise from people on this forum. It has helped me a lot over the years and we are all going through the same process    

Jennjo - best of luck with your initial visit, hope things go smoothly for you


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi all!
We have finally seen pics of our lil ones and I dont mind admitting they are veeerrrrryyyyy cute! The photos are out of date, from what I can see they were taken in october and only printed off from an email so really not of good quality but nonetheless they look perfect. Eagerly awaiting and anticipating more recent and better quality pics!
Have sent our sw off with a barrage of questions for their sw and fostercarers so that we can start preparing rooms to suit them, also have a very big family all awaiting our new additions and keen to get shopping!
Not sure yet when we'll get to meet the fostercarers, think will be after pre matching meeting which involves just social workers, link worker and managers, thats happening on the 27th of this month, so will find out more then.
xx


----------



## flickJ

Your news is so exciting, I'm so happy for you      
(Thinks: one day that could be me)


----------



## Arrows

great news MITM!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

woo MITM, fabulous news. so so happy for you. Bet you keep sneaking a peak at their pics!!!

Hope everyone is keeping well. We have found out that we are definitely on the September Prep course and on the reserve list for the June course which is good news and the adoption clerk at the LA said that she will send out our application form a at the beginning of June/Sept for us to fill in and get back to them so they can process it so at least that means we will be 'locked in' once we start the prep course. Feeling really positive about it now and have told people at work that we are starting the journey and they have been so lovely. Teach in a school so most of them twigged that we were having IVF due to disappearing off 'ill' (to Cyprus) for a week at a time so it feels nice to be able to tell them exactly what we have been through and the journey we are about to begin. It reminds you that you aren't alone and that there are some genuinely lovely people out there. I can't look back at previous page but know someone wrote about an insensitive comment made about another go at IVF? I think sometimes people honestly think that they are being sweet and considerate and would probably be gutted to think they'd said something upsetting....I know thats not always the case though!!

Anyway, a banana daiquiri awaits me (on a school night as well!!!!). Have a good evening everyone and lets keep the good news coming.

Greenie x


----------



## Duckling

Just a quick one - trying but failing to keep in touch very well now that we have our little son home.   
Had to log on to say CONGRATULATIONS!!! Arrows, Mrs YG and Mum in the Making      . So pleased for you. Xxx
Great news Greenie   . 
Everyone else I'm sorry I haven't read back thoroughly. Hopefully in time I'll be able to, but wishing you all lots of luck until I get to pop on again.
Our little boy is so lovely and I love him so much. He has started to pucker his lips up for kisses which is just so gorgeous and I feel very lucky. 
Duckling


----------



## libby29

Hi ladies and gents, haven't been on for soooo long but our little man is keeping us busy. I just wanted to let you all know that the waiting is so worth it. Bubs came home to us in november and it feels like he's always been here. He's the light of our lives and every day we look at him and realise how absolutely blessed we have been to have him as our son. We had some minor attachment problems from him at the beginning but nothing we weren't expecting. Everyday he becomes that little bit more attached and we are so incredibly proud of him. I can not put into words how glad we are that we decided to adopt, it has changed all our lives forever for the better. We had all the usual nerves and worries during the process and many bumps in the road but we did it and that road was so worth travelling. I can honestly say i love him with all my heart and can not imagine loving a birth child more. I remember reading something a lady said once about her adopted son and it really rings true, when asked if she had one wish would it still be to give birth to her own birth child she said "no, if i had one wish, it would be to have given birth to my son". He's ours and biology doesn't wipe his tears, read him stories, protect him and love him no matter what, mummies and daddies do that. Good luck with your journeys lady, its so worth it xxxx


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## libby29

Hey duckling....ditto with the little kissy face, makes your heart melt doesn't it?! Lovely to hear he's settling in xxxxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Last couple of comments had me welling right up.  Can't wait to share that happiness, congrats to you both!

Also so many congratulations to send to all the ladies that have been approved, matched and are awaiting more news about their future families     You must be brimming with excitement, made up for you all!

Had my first interview last week, many questions, all seemed good although she was hard to read.  Her only concern was we are only 6 months post treatment and being young she wondered if I was reday to give up having a birth child.  All we could do was reassure her that we had not jumped into this, but adoption was always a serious consideration and that we were ready and committed etc etc.  Awaiting a call outlining the outcomes from the team meeting.  Hoping that it will be this week and we get booked onto a prep course      I kkep swinging from positive to negative!!!

Had lovely time away and DP proposed!   Said YES so guess he is now my DF!!!

Love to you all, Lolly xxxx


----------



## flickJ

Congratulations Lolly     

Wonderful news (about the interview and the proposal)


----------



## liveinhope

Loads of great news on the boards at the moment

We have panel tomorrow evening to be matched to our little Pickle then introductions start next Friday


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Wow congratulations lolly  so happy for you. 

Hope you get the call this week. 

We're booked on prep course in may. 


Emma xx


----------



## sonia7

Hi Everyone
Hope you are all well. Sorry I havent been on for ages but our 2 children (boy age 3 and a girl age 5) has been keeping us very very busy. But they are so lovely. Like any children they have their ups and downs but it is great to finally be a mummy and daddy. The time of the adoption process has gone by so quickly although at the time I thought it was slow. But it is so worth it. We went on our first family holiday to Butlins in February half term, it was great, they had a lovely time, so much so we are going on holiday again in the easter break to Pontins   , and why not. xx  . Our daughter had her parents evening last night and the teachers and we are so pleased with her progress at school considering how much she has had to go through the past year (taken away from birth parents, into foster care and now have a new mummy and daddy). Our son is doing so well at nursery too. Their faces light up when they show us their work and we give praise and encouragement, whether its a high five, awesome (taken from dora the explorer show) or a sticker. We have a reward chart for their behaviour and we give a smiley face for good behaviour and a yellow or red sticker for naughty behaviour (they are into football which daddy is so pleased about, hence yellow and red stickers like the cards footballers get when they are naughty too   ) and if they have been good all week they get 2 treats from mummys favourite shop on a saturday morning - the 99p store and after 25 smiley faces our daughter got a download for her leappad (which she loves) and our son got a board game, and after 50 smiley faces our daughter can have a cartridge game for her leappad and our son probably a wii game (its getting very close to those 50 smiley faces, have to start saving my pennies   xx) Anyway got to go now, have to pick up my son from nursery school. Take care everyone, and all the waiting and, assessments, homework etc is all worth it.  One final note our daughter said to me "mummy when I become the same surname as you can I pretend I came out of your tummy".    . Yes it made me cry.
Speak to you all soon
Luv Sonia xx


----------



## Becky39

Hello there, 

Im new to this thread, and just wanted to say Hi    as u can see from my sig, we have been approved for 6 mths for a sibling group of 2 (age 0 - 6 yrs) still waiting, and waiting ....... and waiting .... 

Lots of lovely news in here, really enjoyed readin Sonia's last post about her son and daughter, and all those stickey smilies    what a lovely post ... i cant wait to get to that stage ... 

Xx


----------



## flickJ

Sonia7 - just wanted to say that I was so happy for you and touched by your inspiring story (especially the last part about what your daughter said to you  ) After your heartaches in the past, it was so nice to hear that you are now a family

Becky39 - I do so hope the news for you will be positive


----------



## we*want*a*furball

Hi all


Finally able to get back on after having a world of problems with our broadband. Things seem to be moving very fast around here but i've tried to catch up on the last weeks news.


Becky39 - welcome. I hope that you get a call very very soon with a match.


sonia7 - you sound amazingly happy and i can't wait to be in your position of being a mummy. I love your chart idea as well, i may have to borrow that when my time comes.


liveinhope - all the best for this evening, i bet you didn't get much sleep last night!


Lolly -    , what lovely news. I hope that you hear back from your SW soon and it's good news.


Libby - you've made me well up. 


Greeniebop - Great news about the prep course. The time will fly and you can make the most of being just the two of you (without treatment) before the next journey begins.


Laura - All the best for intros today, a very exciting time for you.


Arrows, MrsYG and MITM - Fab news for all of you, massive   .


AFM - We had our second day of prep on Monday and are really enjoying it. It's a bit of a pain having it divided into 4 separate Mondays as once you're in the flow you just want to continue the next day. Our group is very small and consists of 5 couples and we all get on very well - I think the SW's think we get on a little too well as they commented on us being a rowdy bunch   . This weeks homework is now done and i'm counting down the days until next Monday.


----------



## swallowtail

Sonia! What a lovely update, thank you for posting that   

Hi and welcome Becky   

wewantafurball - prep sounds good, think ours are to be split over Mondays too

Flickj - have you had your info day yet?

AFU we have our initial interview next Weds with what will hopefully be our agency    So excited and nervous xxx


----------



## Anjelissa

Just popped in to say hi to everyone, not much time so just a quickie   

So much lovely news on here lately  , but I'm afraid I've lost track a bit so wouldn't know where to begin with personals!

One thing though....Sonia.....I got all tearful when I read you daughter's comment, so lovely!!   

Good luck, congratulations, and hugs to all where appropriate   

Love Anj x x


----------



## flickJ

Swallowtail - yes we went there last week, really positive. It was a full day and we were exhausted by the end, they gave us details of books to read, what was needed on the training course, what details we needed for the home study etc. The sw's were so friendly and knowledgeable that we felt it was exactly what we needed.  

They asked us to apply for an interview and when we said that due to my DH being abroad on work commitments for the next couple of weeks, they said "Give us the dates and we will book a date convenient for you!" Is that a positive sign or is it just me hoping to much?


----------



## swallowtail

Wow flickj, that sounds like a good day, and what a lovely bunch of people!


----------



## Poochie1111

Hey everyone!!!


I haven't been able to get on here for a bit and there has been soooooo much to catch up on!!  Lots of positive news.
Arrows & E3021 - many congratulations on being approved!!!!!!     


Panaroma, Libby and Sonia - I loved reading your updates about your LO(s).  It sounds likes things are going so well and it certainly keeps me going to read your news. I can't wait until it's me.


AoC - so glad things are moving on for you now.  Yay!!


MinM - what exciting news.  The April panel will be here before you know it. 


Greenibop - fab news from you too.  Glad things are getting started at last.  I hope you can get squeezed on to the June course.


YG - many congratulations with your link   


I have some good news about me too. We now have a panel date of 10th May which I'm so excited about. Yay!!! I can't believe it's really happening now.  Our SW has said that adopters are getting matched quite quickly at the moment with our LA but I"m trying not to get too giddy about it!! It completely overshadows the comment a girl at work made on Monday when she asked when the baby was due!!!!!!!!!!!!  The cheek of it    I was fuming all day.  I know I've put on a little weight, but please   


I know I've probably missed a few of you but there's been so much to catch up on.   


x


----------



## E3021

Congratulations on the panel date Poochie, ignore stupid, insensitive people at work! There seem to be afew people on here who've been at the receiving end of one thoughtless comment or another - good job we've all got each other isn't it?  

Lovely to hear from those of you with LOs home already - great to catch up on how you're doing as forever families.

To everyone on prep course (and there seems to be lots at the moment) enjoy, take lots of notes and be positive - you're on the way now.

Sorry no personals - am struggling to keep up with everyone.

AFU - only two more sleeps until paper matching - getting nervous now and really trying hard not to run away with ourselves - either way, one set of adopters are going to be gutted on Friday, I know it's selfish, but so hoping it's not us this time!

Will let you know how we get on. Please   for us that our LO might find us soon.


----------



## Arrows

lots of news again -Sonia it is GREAT to hear from you -so glad they're fitting in so well and I love your daughter's comment -totally reinforces the fact that it is THEIR decision to make whether they tell people they're adopted or not. 

AFM, As most of you know, I have been having back spasm problems and it started seizing up again on Friday last week. The positive thing is that with the aid of lots and lots of painkillers I've managed to keep at work this time!!! YAY! Also, doctor has finally trusted in me that I'm not an addict and so given me lots of prescription painkillers and free-rein to manage them for myself -about time after a year of using them on and off and a degree in Molecular Biology! 
Only minor issue is the sleepy side effects -have been going to bed at 8pm and asleep by 9pm -speaking of which -due to take some more delightful drugs and hope and pray that I actually sleep tonight instead of waking up every few hours! Na-night everyone!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

1st home visit completed, social worker was mega chuffed and impressed with all the work I had prepared on family tree's and support networks. He said I've saved him alot of work and it meant we could go further in depth and cover more during the visit. He met our dogs and wasn't phased by them, thankfully they didn't get too excited and calmed quickly. The oldest one started snoring thou, haha   He wasn't phased by a recent family fall out either so all in all everything was spot on. Our two concerns turned out to be nothing to worry about.

Laura - how did intros go??

AoC - how's HS going??

E3021 - Fingers crossed for Fri  

Lolly - Congratulations, fantastic news XxX

Thanks to everyone who has been sharing their wonderful success stories, so lovely and reassuring to read 

Hello to everyone else XxX


----------



## laura0308

Hi all,

Sorry will be short as am absolutely shattered, promise will do more on friday.

First day of intros was amazing.  You worry whether you are going to like/love them and are they going to hate you.....but don't!!!  He was a little ball of energy that never stopped for a second and was happy to let us join in.  I fed him his lunch and checked a nappy and he even have DH a hug - he definitely prefers men to women   .

Tomorrow it's a trip to the park- can't wait.

One thing though, I thought how tired can playing with one LO be - I am a primary teacher and have a BS with health issues, playing with a LO will be a breeze, well I don't know if it's the stress/adrenaline/being in someone else's home but our sofa has never been so welcome.

Take care all.
Love 
L


----------



## liveinhope

Panel said YES     Introductions start next Thursday!  Finally we are parents.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Yey live in hope, so pleased for you.

Lovely to hear first intro went so well Laura 

Hi to everyone else...struggling to see posts on phone x


----------



## flickJ

Live in Hope -  , so pleased for you

Laura - fabulous news, really happy for you  

Can't wait - one step closer and so positive, congrats on all your hard work, hope it all goes smoothly for you     

Such good news on here, lately ......... good luck to all


----------



## someday

hi ladies

lots happening in this place. trying to catch up.

afm
we've had a delayed start with our homestudy. i was rather annoyed about it all but i have calmed down and accepting that i may have to get used to delays. she will be here in 2 weeks time. 

on a plus note she said she would send out our medical forms for us to complete so they can send it back to our GP to arrange our medical. the forms arrived today so will start getting them filled out - mine might take some time!


----------



## MrsYG

*Someday *- Sorry about your delay  but time will fly by once you start the HS. Good Luck with the Medical Forms!

*Liveinhope -  *Yeah... FABULOUS! Congratulations... have you got the room ready and everything? x

*Laura - *LOL at your Sofa comment, so glad Intros are going well. Hope you've a another good couple of days 

*Can't Wait - *Great news that your first visit went so well. Well done you... Teachers pet   haha x

*Poochie - *Nice to 'see' you again! Good Luck for Panel, but I'm sure you won't need it. 

*Flick, Greenie, Arrows, E3201, Swallowtail, Anjelissa*  Hello girls!!

AFU - we met with LO's SW last night, and had a fabulous meeting! We got to see a DVD which was just magical  and we've just had the confirmation call that the SW loved us and wants to continue!!!!!     Meeting FC next week and Panel pencilled in for First week of May!

To all those just starting out, considering adoption, waiting for matches.... It is so worth it, so hang in there!

xx


----------



## E3021

Mrs YG - WOWEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Massive congratulations, such wonderful news. You are going to be a mummy! Enjoy every second.

We also have good news     we have been paper matched and are now 'the only couple being considered'!!

I asked if i could go shopping and the SW laughed and said 'Well hold on...but, it would have to be something pretty big now for it not to work out'. Many tears of joy and phone calls later here I am grinning like a loon at the laptop.

Have a wonderful weekend all and thank you for all the good luck wishes.

xxxx


----------



## MrsYG

E3021 - Yeahhhhhh     Congratulations, its amazing isn't it!  Its so hard to resist the urge to shop.  They said the same to us,  Don't go mad spending money because it all depends on what Panel say, but if you can prepare his room that would be great!!!  Errrr how do we prepare a room for a baby without spending any money??    LOL.  Mamas & Papas here we come.... Fab news!!! xx


----------



## E3021

Mrs YG - happy shopping!    I think you just have to go for it. I have been mentally buying everything I've seen on the internet for the last hour - might go and actually get a few bits tomorrow.

Just thinking about what we need - it's a massive shopping list, and then there'll be toys and clothes on top.

I suppose they have to be careful not to commit 100% until matching panel just in case. Doesn't mean we can't though does it? 

Have fun in Mamas and Papas. Might see you there - we're buying pink though!  
xxx


----------



## panorama

E3021 &MrsYG - big congrats to you both, enjoy the shopping!! Time to go crazy!  


LIH - fab news too!! Very exciting! Look forward to hearing all about it, magical time ahead! 



Have a lovely weekend everyone!


p x


----------



## liveinhope

Great news E3021 &MrsYG - get spending girls!

AFM - still cant believe that we are so close to meeting our son!!


----------



## Anjelissa

Just popping in to say Happy Mother's Day to all the new Mummies here    , have a wonderful time with your precious lo's, I know how long most of us have waited to be a Mummy and so it's even more special to us than to most   
  
This is now my 2nd Mother's Day but I vividly remember my first (about 6 months after Nemo joined us), it seemed almost surreal to be celebrating the day as a Mummy myself, and reminded me of how very blessed we are to have our beautiful little boy. 

To everyone else, you are all on your way to being Mummies so have a wonderful day as 'Mummies-in-waiting', and just think next year could well be the year you celebrate your first Mother's Day as a Mummy yourself. 
We were matched the very next week after being approved, so even for those just starting their assessments it's possible!   

Have a wonderful day tomorrow whatever you are doing   

Lots of love to all,

Anj x

PS.....you'll laugh, but I just had a real mental block and had to ask DH what the plural of 'Mummy' was as I thought 'Mummies' was just for Egyptian Mummies and so 'Mummys' was for 'Mothers'. DH thinks it's 'Mummies' for both, although I'm still not convinced. I therefore apologise if I've referred to you all as the bandage bound, thousands of years old variety    (and no I haven't had a glass of wine yet!)    

PPS.....I just looked it up and it appears to be 'Mummies' for both types so that's ok.   
Isn't it funny how when you say or write a word a few times over you start to question the spelling!


----------



## Magoogle

Hi all

Just though I would pop in, currently going through home visit and have to say my sw is realy lovely....have two more visits and hopefully be up for the adoption board in May so fingers crossed and good luck to everyone else 

Mags xx


----------



## flickJ

Congratulations Magoogle, not long to go now - best of luck for the rest of your home study and I really hope you get to panel soon     

Keep us up to date!


----------



## skyblu

LIH,  Congrats on your match 

Skyblu.xx


----------



## jessicatcornish

Hi, 

I'm a newbie to this group. FF was so supportive during TX i thought it would be good to return while we are journeying through the Adoption journey. Its difficult to find people who understand, and i don't know anyone personally who has any experience of this, so where better to share experience and support than FF.  

I've read through the last 5 or so pages and see that you are all so supportive, so I hope you don't mind me joining your thread.

We are at the HS stage, meeting our SW every week for a couple of hours. We get on really well with her and feel like we are moving forward. We are on the preparation course this Thurs/Fri/Mon, and i'm a bit nervous. 

Looking forward to getting to know you all ...  

Jess x


----------



## flickJ

Welcome Jessicatcornish, good luck on your journey and I hope you find the help and support you need


----------



## swallowtail

Welcome Jess xx 

We have our initial interview on Weds   

xx


----------



## flickJ

That's such good news Swallowtail, best of luck


----------



## swallowtail

Thanks hun - oops yes it is tomorrow isn't it! yay!   

xx


----------



## jessicatcornish

Thanks everyone....... and good luck Swallowtail


----------



## MrsYG

Welcome to Jessicat - Hope your prep goes well this week.   

Swallowtail - Good Luck today, let us know how it goes!

Hello Mags!  Welcome and good luck for panel in May, you'll be fine!

E3021 - How did the shopping go?  We had real fun, got some funny looks from all the pregnant ladies (me buying everything in sight with my size 8 Skinny jeans on, and explaining LO will be here in 7 weeks! haha!) but had a teary moment in Mothercare when IL's bought our car seats and Buggy    The bedroom furniture is built and ready to go, just waiting to meet FC this Friday to find out more about LO before we buy anything else.  Need to know what bedding he is using etc... want to try and keep everything as similar as possible.

Hope everyone else is having a good week?  Any updates from anyone?


----------



## swallowtail

Thanks MrsYG. How amazing to hear about your shopping, I am really happy for you and sort of forgot that we will hopefully get to experience all that one day    xxx


----------



## E3021

Mrs YG sounds like you had great shopping adventures - so lovely! I too have cried on a few occasions when we've bought stuff cos it's just so special after all this time of waiting.  

We spent Saturday demolishing our study - we had set up one room as a LO bedroom - but we're hopefully going to get two little ones!!!! We bought paint, bunting and a few cute things. Have window shopped for all the big things like buggies and car seats but going to wait until after meeting with SW next Weds to buy them - hubby is sensible and cautious - if i had my way, I'd have bought one of everything on Sunday!!  

I know what you mean about funny looks - we've decided to share our situation with a lovely shop assistant at one particular shop that we plan to buy everything big from so that we can talk honestly about our needs - one LO is currently 15mths and the other is 3mths!

Sorry everyone else for long me post - am stuck at work and about to go into a meeting so haven't got time to do lots of personals.
Just to say - good luck to everyone on the journey  -dreams do come true, it's only a year since I rang our LA and I'm 95% on my way to being a mummy of two in the very near future.

xxx


----------



## flickJ

Swallowtail - how did it go? had my fingers crossed for you


----------



## we*want*a*furball

Wow, so much amazing news on here - congratulations to you all.

Hi to the newbies.

Swallowtail - I'm hoping that all went well yesterday for you?

I can't believe how utterly exhausting the prep course is. I'm loving the homework as I feel like I'm finally contributing to our journey and getting somewhere. This weekend was really exciting as our referees received their forms which resulted in lots of calls and texts to us about how honoured they are to help us - our friends and family really are lovely  . We also got a call yesterday from our doctor to go in for our medicals next week so it's all go around here. Monday is our last day of prep so fingers crossed HS will begin soon after.

I hope that everyone has got the glorious weather we have in Surrey - housework is definitely on hold today, my garden is calling me!


----------



## flickJ

Wewantafurball - so glad things are going so well for you and that things are moving along for you. I was exhausted after just one day of training, so I do understand how you feel, but it must feel so good knowing you are starting out on the journey of your life   

I'll keep my fingers crossed that it continues to go so well for you


----------



## GERTIE179

Wow guys such great news all round!!
E021 - fab ages by the way I would love that to happen to us x


----------



## swallowtail

Thanks for messages, intial interview went really well I think. They said we were very prepared, flexible, open and had obviously researched a lot. They said they have lots of younger children coming through at the moment. One tiny negative bit at the end which I am trying to not fixate on! We should know within 2 weeks if they will take us on, then it is a possible prep group in May! Fingers and toes crosssed as they were lovely xx


----------



## flickJ

Oh, that's great news Swallowtail, looks like there may be a few of us hoping to have a prep course in May. I'm so pleased


----------



## swallowtail

Thanks honey xx    Let's hope we both can get on the May courses


----------



## liveinhope

We met our son for the first time today and it was amazing.  Already we are so comfortable with one another!  Dreams do come true!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Yey live in hope. Lovely bed, so pleased for you x


----------



## E3021

Live in Hope - how amazing, must have been one of the best days of your life.

flick and Swallowtail - hope all goes quickly now until your prep course.

We want a furball - good luck on your home study - another step closer to being parents!

AFM - just full of joy and excitement today, started crying as I was driving home thinking about how blessed we are.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

WoW lots going on   Im really not up to date.

Liveinhope - How amazing, what a fantastic day for you.

Swallowtail - Glad your initial visit went well. Hope you hear soon whether your on May prep course. Remember if for any reason they dont want to continue with you, theres loads of LA's, VA's out there who will  

AoC - Hows things?

E021 - Is your match finalalised, I cant remember. Lovely lovely ages, how perfect  

Wewantafurball - Blimmey, its all go eh. Exciting times  

Magoogle and jessicatcornish - Welcome  

Im so out of touch with what is going on, can I ask for people to PM me with updates for the current posters list. Thanks guys

Xxx


----------



## Arrows

hi all. been very upset tonight after upset and misunderstandings with my brother who is marrying on 4th April. Feeling very, very upset and hurt and like I don't want to go to his wedding. Of course I WILL go because I wouldn't do that to my mum but after floods of tears and feeling numb and unable to even talk or think for over an hour (didn't feel like that long at the time -got a bit lost for a while I think) I can finally think a little.

it would take too much to explain the situation and my heart still feels like it's in a vice, though my throat is less so than it was a little while ago. I think all the stress of the adoption process, my teaching course, money worries, my brother's selfishness, bad back and the ridiculous number of painkillers I'm on just to make it through the day are all finally catching up with me -am trying to take only diclofenac and the occasional diazepam now now, as don't link the driving restriction tramadol places on me, though that's the best one.

Ever want to run away from being you, for just a little while??

Update next day -This is what happened with bro and his fiance (we have so far spent around £600 to attend hen and stag do's, accommodation for wedding and travel):

they wanted me to go over again for another fitting -been twice already- and besides the fact it costs £50 every time I have to go for a day trip or £100 if we go and stay from then till the wedding, I've been on tramadol etc for the last 2weeks cause my back is so bad, stress over adoption stuff has finally caught up with me and course work consumes my every waking moment. I feel like a zombie and had already reached the point where I was unable to make decisions and told people not to ask me about anything i.e. meeting up/ M's parents coming to visit until after the wedding and Easter cause I wasn't coping.
My mum called and said that by just telling my bro it was about money (which is what I've done partly not wanting to add to his stress and partly cause he has never cared about my life so far and this is all pretty personal) that he'll think I don't care, and that I should explain at least a little so he knows I care and want to preserve my back for the wedding and NOt ruin his day. 
Anyhow, I ring up and start by saying how bad my back has been, at which point his fiance starts going on about how she doesn't think I'll manage the wedding and standing for 5hrs straight (which is nonsense anyhow) and refusing to listen to anything I said -i.e. I'll be fine for that as have painkillers if needed, just trying to get it the best it can be by then. Then her phone cuts out and 
I felt totally unwanted and like nothing I do is good enough. No idea how to fix it or even if i should.
So much going on and had enough. Forcing myself into work today but only for the sake of my students.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Sending you hugs Arrows, hope it all works out for you xxx


----------



## swallowtail

Arrows are you able to take some time off for a bit? I remember during my wedding we had all sorts of fall outs in our family and it really stressed me out. Also my SIL was a bit mean during the planning of hers but luckily she apologised to me. I don't know your situation but you can only do so much, I think it sounds like you are trying to be there for everyone but actually you need a break. If you are in pain a lot that is a really difficult thing to cope with so kind of sounds like you need to be selfish and just have this weekend to look after yourself and do nice things for you. Give them some space and maybe they will calm down and be more understanding. I hope I haven't said the wrong thing it just sounds like you have enough on your plate already xxxx


----------



## flickJ

Oh Arrows, I really feel for you - all the   's in the world.


----------



## MrsYG

LIH - Fabulous, I am so thrilled for you.   What have you been up to today? and when do you plan to have LO home? 

Arrows - Sorry about all the stress, take some time out, you sound like you really need it.  People can go a bit crazy when they plan a wedding and think everything revolves around them... they're probably stressed out too.  Hope things have calmed down now.   


Swallowtail - So glad your meeting went well, and it would be fab if they get you onto May Prep.. fingers crossed for you   

Furball - Glad you're enjoying Prep, and hope you start HS very soon.  I think we only waited 2 weeks before we had our first HS session.  Hope its this quick for you.

Today we met LO's FC, what a lovely lady, she was so nice and really brought LO to life for us.  We found out so much more information about what he likes etc..  She did get a bit tearful to start with, but its only to be expected, she's had him since 2 days old.  She was really happy with us, his room and the garden, and has no concerns whatsoever.  So panel on 2nd May.      and we can carry on shopping now that we know what we need to buy.

To everyone posting on here, or just lurking... keep at it, it may seem like a long road, but it WILL be worth it when you see your LO for the first time.  I really do believe in fate, and whilst sometimes I think we shoud have done this sooner... if we had, we would not have found our LO at this moment in time.  Things happen for a reason, your LO's are out there waiting for you.    I'm getting all tearful now too    

xx


----------



## swallowtail

Oh how lovely MrsYG! Great the day went so well and you can complete your shoppping now.  xx


----------



## E3021

Hi,

Mrs YG -how lovely, enjoy!

Can't wait - not finalised yet I'm afraid but getting ahead of myself a bit in the excitement stakes! We have been told we're the only couple the LA are looking at and a SW told us that only something really big would stop it now - we're not going to pull out, so fingers crossed it will all happen. 

Arrows - so sorry to hear what an awful time you're going through. Have you thought about writing your brother a letter? You can't be interrupted in a letter and it might be easier to tell him what's really going on for you that trying to tell him on the phone.


----------



## Anjelissa

Arrows....I'm so sorry to hear of the difficult situation with your brother, I just wanted to send you lots of hugs   
I agree with E3021, I'd write a letter or an email if it has got to the point where talking has just become so heated and emotional.  
I know it depends on the type of person you are and your own personal way of dealing with things but I have often found writing an email or a letter in these situations helps when talking face to face or on the phone has broken down.
Like E3021 also said you can't be interrupted so your view will be heard and then hopefully understood better, rather than being misinterpreted in the heat of a discussion.

I hope you manage to sort things out and also that your back eases up a bit. Things are so much harder to deal with when you're in pain   

Anj x


----------



## Poochie1111

Arrows - so sorry to hear you're having a tough time with everything. I hope everything with your brothers sorts itself out soon.  I think Ang has made a good suggestion. At least an email would get read and would give time time to reflect over it. Big hugs   


Mrs YG - glad your meeting with the FC went so well.  I can imagine was a bit emotional.  Roll on 2nd May!!!


----------



## laura0308

Hey all,

Sorry I haven't been writing much though I have been reading, just been totally exhausted  but for a fabulous reason   .
Intros have gone amazingly well, although it is over 200 miles round trip each day, which has caught up with me today. It's his good bye day at the foster carer's today as we pick him up at half 9 tomorrow morning, so I have cleaned the house, bought out Asda and made our local fruit shop's day - LO adores fruit.

Can't believe that something we have wanted for so long is now only a sleep away.

LIH - It is just so wonderful, isn't it? Any ideas as to when you can have LO home?

Arrows - So sorry, the girls are right you do need to take some time out. I agree that perhaps a letter would be the easiest way to share your feelings and hopefully allow your brother to see life from your perspective.  

Swallowtail - Happy your meeting was so pasitive. Crossed fingers for May Prep









Furball - Glad you're enjoying Prep. Good luck with HS when it comes.  

Mrs YG - Good luck at panel. Will   it comes quick and you can get your LO home soon.

E3021 - Will   it keeps on going so well for you, it does feel that miracles do happen doesn't it.

To everyone else, good luck and chin up on this journey.

L
XXX


----------



## liveinhope

Introductions going well, our LO is such a cutey!  All being well he will be home by Monday 2nd April.

Its great to hear the good news stories on here.

Lots of hugs to those who need em!

xx


----------



## Arrows

had made decision not to go to fitting and just go on the Tues (day before wedding, was going to text SiL to say this but thought I'd call mum first just to check my wording. 
Apparently I am totally in the wrong and if I don't go to the fitting my bro doesn't want me to play a role in the wedding or his daughters baptism cause it shows I obviously don't care enough about him anyhow. I will also manage to destroy the whole family and ruin everything for everyone for both the wedding and the entire future.
It appears I have no choice but to go regardless of my objections because in their eyes they are worthless reasons.
I have completely had enough and now my mum is accusing me of trying to destroy the family and says she doesn't understand why I can't just do it, whilst she shouted down the phone at me.
So regardless of whatever else it seems I'm going to Wales. The only positive is that DH has now managed to get the Friday afternoon off so I don't have to travel and do fittings on the same day.
I'm very worried about my back as it's not improving at the moment and the fact that we now have to find the money to pay for another 4nights accommodation from somewhere. My parents have offered us money but not happy about accepting after all of this especially as I know they have very little money themselves.

Update:
I've caved and said we'll go through and I'll go to the fitting. 
Malcolm thankfully hadn't remembered to cancel the time off he'd booked for us to see the family finder, who now can't make it, so we can travel on Friday. I've also canceled childminding Sat, doing a card sale sun, looking after my Godson who's just returned from Kenya Monday and seeing his parents -my good friends Monday night. 
My brother finally answered the phone to me so have at least made a start on fixing things. I've found an amazing campsite to use from Sat-Tues and parents are going to help us with petrol costs. My bro said why didn't i stay with them -I should know I'm always welcome. I didn't make any of the comments I wished to and said thank you, yes that would be good on Friday night but that we'd go to the campsite we'd found on the Sat as it was halfway between him and wedding venue so we could get to both easily and that it would be good for me and dh to make the most of our time there and have a couple days holiday too.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi ladies,

Arrows, I just wanted to send lots of hugs your way. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through right now but your strength of character shines through in your posts and I really admire the strength you are showing when dealing with all this. Be kind to yourself my lovely x

I hope you are all keeping well and enjoying the sunshine, I have the flip flops out for the first time this year.

Really struggling with the waiting at the moment, potentially we are waiting until September for our prep course. Mind you I guess I shall be chanting the old saying 'good things come to those who wait'.

Have a lovely day all.

Greenie xxx


----------



## DizzyPip

Hi All,

I have been AWOL for a while, but I have just had a quick catch up on all your news! Such lovely things to read at the moment. Makes your heart melt!!

Apologies for the lack of personals, I'll soon catch up with everything. Lots of new names, which is great to see.

Well, AFU we had our first SW visit which went really well, just got to wait for the report to come back then hopefully on the prep course in April. Can't wait to get started.

Lovely to be on here again so lots of posts to follow.

Pip xx


----------



## flickJ

Welcome back  Pip, good luck on your journey


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Wow lots happening on here, some great news. Loving hearing about all the matching and intro's, such lovely positive news  

Arrows -   Oh dear, families are sometimes a nightmare aren't they? I think whenever something big is happening in peoples lives (weddings, buying a house, babies, adoption etc) everyone gets so wrapped up in their own lives and excitement and its easy to get carried away and want everything your own way and how you imagine it to be, therefore when stressed and thrown a curve ball people just loose it and lash out. Your brother and his fiance are prob just stressed and wanting everything just right. Your being very strong by co-operating and going along with them, thats a very good quality. Id prob of blown them all off and then regreted it later. Id deff still write him a letter after the wedding/honeymoon period explaining what your going through and that you need his support etc and how this whole thing has made you feel. Maybe write it now while its fresh and then give it to him later. Id agree you need some time off, your going to burn yourself out, your just human, give yourself a break. Hope you enjoy camping/wedding, hope your back doesnt get worse while your in a tent   xx

Well we are just plodding nicely through our home study home work etc and im busy trying to translate our work adoption leave policy into plain English I can understand   Im trying to create a financial plan leading up to panel/matching and will get us through adoption leave. Its no easy task!


----------



## fiona1

Hi, lurker here, I read lots but don't post much. I have a friend who sent her application form off 3 weeks ago. She still hasn't heard anything. I can't remember how long I waited and just wondered if anyone could help out and offer any advice. Should they give SS a ring or wait to be contacted?

Thanks

Fiona


----------



## DizzyPip

Hello all,

Hope everyone is making the most of this fantastic weather we are having!! For those of you lucky ones with their little ones at home hope your having lots of fun and those of us who arent quite there yet, well we can imagine what we would be doing with the little ones on hot sunny days  

Arrows - hope it stays like this for your camping trip and wedding. Sometimes things keep on adding to our stresses even when we could do without it! Amazing how resilient we can be!! 

Fiona - I think we waited around 3 weeks to have contact from the social worker after our initial paperwork was sent back.


Off in the garden now.....


----------



## Arrows

Dizzypip -wish I was joining you in the garden!

Everything feeling a bit more positive -not with my bro so much but viewing camping as a holiday and looking forward to that and tonight i managed to complete another assignment. Still lots to do but baby-steps..

Hope everyone is well and enjoying the beautiful sunshine.


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi everyone,
theres so much going on here its difficult to keep up, but lots of positive news and everyone seems to be moving along quite nicely.
Its all very manic here at the moment, sorting through all our 7 years of accumulated stuff and trying to prepare 2 rooms is very, what shall we say, interesting! Have alot to do between now and tuesday as sw have asked for our family books to be prepared and a4 photos to be given so that we can start to be introduced to our children. Very short notice, and with this weekend being one away from home think the next 2 nights are going to be long and tiring as we finish painting and put the furniture up. Its our fault as we assumed the family books wouldn't be needed until panel, but seemingly thats not the way its done in the la we are adopting from.
We go to panel on the 17th of april, we meet the health advisor the week before, and meeting the foster carers is still to be scheduled, oh and limited to just a choice of 3 days due to sw committments, not ideal but I guess thats the way it goes! 
We have been given more photos of our children but they're even older then the ones we already had, which were already 6 months old! Not that it matters what they look like but just want to get used to seeing their cute lil faces everyday!
So full steam ahead here, we'll have our planning meeting on the 24th april, a week after panel, we will either meet the children that day or start formal intros the next day. Its so very exciting, nerve racking and it feels like i'm in a dream waiting for my alarm clock to rudely awaken me! God I hope that doesn't happen!   
Right, off to finish painting our lil boys room   
xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi ladies,

Sorry I have been AWOL for a while, I've been on my well needed jollyday...now I'm back and raring to go.

I've just spent time catching up on the forums...and am now blubbering, so much has happened, wow! This is such an amazing forum which keeps me going, and helps me get through the waiting and the not knowing, thank you to everyone for taking to time to share your journeys with us especially to those who are matched as it must be hard to find the time, you remind me that this difficult journey will be worth it in the end. 

To everyone still going through the process, good luck x 

AFM we're starting prep in May, Slimming World starts Thursday so that I can prove that I can lose weight ready for panel (planning ahead), I am going to arrange a docs appointment to go and talk through my medical before we have to have it to understand any issues that may come up i.e. outstanding tests etc. and to see if if can see any issues other than weight/bmi that may come up. We're going to start filling in the homestudy paperwork thats been sent through so that we can start preparing and help to move the process along as quickly as possible.

Anyone else with a VA going on prep in May/June?

Love to you all, 

Simone x


----------



## jomm

hi All,

I have been lurking on and off for about a year. We have been TTC for 6 years and about a year ago made the decision that we would both want to adopt if it turned out our treatment was uncessful. We have just had another failed round of IVF and whilst I know it is far too early to be making major decisions and I know I need some time to accept this, I just wanted to ask what your experiences have been with relation to the time needed between stopping TX and starting the adoption process?

We went to an information day about 8 months ago and spoke to a local SW about 4 months ago when we were making the decision whether to have one last go. They were all lovely but the advice we were given is that we need to wait for a year after finishing treatment before contacting them to start the adoption process.

I think I am further on accepting that we cannot have our biological children than my DH, but he has taken the SW at their word and said that we mustn't contact them for a year - as if we do they won't take us seriously. Do you think it will really be this long and should we contact them in a few months if we think we are ready?

jo xx


----------



## swallowtail

Hi Jo, 
Welcome and sorry about your tx   
We were told by LA to wait a year so went to a neighbouring LA who said 6 months. We ended up then going to a VA and are eagerly waiting to see if they will take us on   
I would say it took us 6 months to get our heads around it all but we already knew we couldn't use my eggs after tx no2 so I had already accepted it would not be my 'biological child'. 
If you feel ready before a year is up you could contact other LAs/VAs depending on their catchment area. 
I know a year sounded like a million miles away when we were told that but 6 months have flown by already!
Good luck x


----------



## AoC

Jomm, I'm so sorry about your failed IVF and your long struggle.  Many hugs for that.  Our LA asks you to wait a year, but that doesn't mean you can't get in touch and enquire about an info evening etc.  We're now with a VA, and I think they take it on more of an individual basis, but it doesn't matter because our last tx was in Nov 2009.

Having said that, swallowtail's right, the time flies!  A lot of the pause between our last tx and getting on with adoption was our own choice, and we really needed that time to sort of download ttc and move on.  It's such a very different process, and, frankly, it feels wonderful not to have to race your own body and worry about your eggs ageing, and delays in clinics, and your condition worsening and all that horror.

Infertility sucks.  Sometimes the treatment sucks worse.  For us, it was really worthwhile to take some healing time off and start adoption fresh.  

But I don't think that means you can't get in contact with local LAs and VAs and start gathering info so you can make a choice - don't just assume your only option is the LA where you live.

Lots of luck!  

Love to all!  Sorry I've been a bit absent, spring's a really busy time, and for some reason it tends to be my 'down' time of year, too, so I've felt a bit overwhelmed.    I think we're getting on top of it now!

It's been LOVELY reading all the wonderful news of links and matches and placements.  Makes me heart swell (you know, in a good way, not the scary about to die kind of way... *g*)

A.


----------



## blueytoo

Hi Jo

I had my last tx in October which ended in miscarriage early in November. I rang the LA (not my own as I can't use them due to professional conflict, but another an hour away that only place out of their city) in December and they booked me in for initial home visit in January. I was then booked on the next available prep group for April. 

As I understand the adoption process doesn't start officially until you have started your home study so as long as you are six months from last tx to starting that, then many LAs are ok with it. That's how the LA I am using it choose to think.

I don't think you have anything to lose in getting the ball rolling. We all heal and deal differently from tx cycles that end without a pregnancy, some of us are ready to move on much earlier than others.

xx


----------



## hawk26

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted for ages but I am still reading everything. This thread is so positive, quite different to some of the ttc ones. I am really enjoying everyone's successes, they help me remember the end is just peeking into sight. Congratulations to so many of you and hugs to those of you that need them x We are off skiing tomorrow, doing all the things we hopefully can't sometime soon! I'll catch up when I get back. Keep smiling everyone


----------



## jomm

Thank you, that's all so very helpful. I can see that this place will be a wonderful source of info and support as the next phase of our family journey starts.
Jo x


----------



## E3021

Welcome jomm and Blueytoo, sorry to read your stories - infertility is a horrible road to travel, but there is light at the end with adoption.

It's pretty much exactly a year since we began our adoption story and we are now booked into panel in June to bring two lovely LOs home - this last year has flown because with adoption there's always a next step, and it's always so much more certain than the tx route.

Mrs YG - how are you doing? Is the shopping complete? I'm going to get stuck into the shopping now we have a panel date. 

Can't wait - enjoy prep - I felt like the journey was really underway once we got to prep - it won't be too long now before you're a mummy! 

Well, off to do some housework and shopping being as it's too cold for sunbathing!  Have a good day everyone.xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi guys, hope your all well and had a lovely weekend  

Its just dawned on me that its officially been a year since we withdrew ourselves from treatment. That year has flown over   and here we are in the middle of our home study looking forward with anticipation. In such a more   place now  Hopefully this time next year our family will be completed  

Busy writing a reflective piece on our experiences at Prep group as per instructions from our social worker. I love getting homework, its like we are contributing to the process and moving things along. Our medicals are booked for the end of the month now as well, we'll be approved in no time at this rate   Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

So much is happening  I love coming on to this thread, it always makes me smile, and helps me to believe in the good things that I forgot about for so long.

Congrats to all taking steps towards their dreams   xxxx


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi all,

hope everyone is well, and making the most of the last bit of good weather! I've my 4 year old niece this week so really hoping it doesn't turn too bad!
I cant believe I've less than 3 weeks til I finish work and less than 4 weeks til I'm a forever mummy! (fingers crossed theres no last minute hiccups!)
Tonight we've been compiling our family book, we've used the tomy recording book for both little ones, which was interesting! Dh couldn't help himself once the record button was pushed, alot of retakes!    We've also done an A4 laminated pic for each child of the 2 of us together.

We've been told that we're going to be introduced to the children through our family book this week, a bit premature we thought considering we haven't been to panel yet?

Otherwise, both rooms are coming along nicely, just a couple more bits to get, the big things are done including pushchair which is  a relief!

Any news elsewhere??


----------



## we*want*a*furball

Muminthemaking - it's so lovely to read your news, you must be so excited.

Hi to everyone else and the newbies.

I had my medical last week, some of the things they get you to do really made me giggle. Apparently being able to blow out my cheeks and raise my eyebrows means I'm healthy - who'd have known that! 

We've got to wait for our prep course report now before we get a SW, so patiently checking the post every morning. 

Hoping the weather is going to improve for Easter weekend


----------



## panorama

Hey everyone


So sorry, not much time to come on here anymore! Especially as I have some work on now too!


But I just wanted to say hang on in there to all the newbies, dreams can come true. A year ago we spent £120 trying to download our LO's profile while we were in Bangkok airport, which did not work and obviously no idea we were spending that much till later!! But I remember dreaming could this be the one and I spent all flight back daydreaming about it..... and then logged on to the computer at 1am and thinking this is it!!!! 


A year later and we have had our LO for 8 months which have just flown, he is now 18 months! He is now very much a little boy and not a baby anymore sadly but every day he makes us smile and laugh, hearing him say Mummy is always lovely. Hope you all get there soon! The waiting is definitely worth it!


Love panorama xx


----------



## MrsYG

*Panorama *- thank you for taking time to share your delight with us. Your LO sounds adorable 

*MITM* - I'm sure they are 99.9% sure your panel will go without a hitch, so they are getting a head start on preparing your LO's  What did you put in your Family book? Did you use a photo album? We will need to start preparing ours and I'm not sure what we are supposed to be putting in it! We also have Tomy talking album too, should be fun... I hate the sound of my voice 

*E3021 - *Most of the shopping is complete now, his room looks fab  We bought some wooden letters for his name and painted them really brightly to match the decor, Cot is built, Wardrobes are ready with miniature hangers (so cute), Pushchairs bought, car seats, highchair, Medical stuff, Nappies, a few toys, but he will be bringing loads with him so we have held back on that. So glad you have a date for Panel  June will soon be here!

*Hello to everyone else, all newbies  *Sorry I can't do more personals, I'm at work (only 5 1/2 more weeks though)    

xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hello everyone,

what has happened to the gorgeous sunshine I was hoping for in my two weeks off?!

I trust that you are all keeping well. Those of you that are further ahead than us, how did you cope with the weeks/months of nothing happening whilst waiting for prep courses etc? I am finding it really difficult at the moment as really want to get on with things but have to wait now until our prep course in Sept (or June if someone drops out).

Its the school Easter holidays and I am doing everything humanly possible to avoid marking the stack of books and coursework in the office  DH has commented that he has never seen our house sparkling so much!!!! We currently have 2 tonnes of soil sat on the drive waiting for the weather to improve so that I can make a start on the garden. Apologies, I am probably boring you lot to death but I really don't want to do this marking today!!! (I am worse than the kids!)

Anyway, I guess I have done enough procrastinating, so I should at least make a start on it, I'll feel better for it then I'm sure.

If I don't get on here again, have a lovely Easter....and those of you with your precious LO's at home with you, I bet its every bit as magical as we all dream it will be. I hope everything is going well for you all xx


P.S. Have decided to keep a diary on here...feels like a positive step. we'll see how long I keep it up!

Lots of love Greenie xxx


----------



## E3021

Greenie, I know what you mean about filling the time until the next stage of the adoption process. I work in a school too and in previous years the holidays have been a bit of a drag / empty cos of the longing for a LO to fill the time.

i know September feels like a long time away, but it will soon pass. how about planning a few nice treats for you and your DH that you won't be able to do so easily once your LO comes home? It really helped me - last shopping trip to a big city, last theatre trip, go out and drink a bottle of wine with a friend while there's no one to wake you up at 6am!  

Also, read some books on adoption to get yourself into the mind set - there's loads out there. I found 'What to Expect When You're Adopting' was a good one to get started with around the time we were doing prep. Then our SW recommended more specific ones while we were doing home study.

AFM - bought a rattle today for our littlest LO and some lovely 2 piece farmyard puzzles for our older LO - so excited, think I'll be absolutely skint by the time June comes around!   Also painted the second room - one room completely ready, the other all painted now - just needs furnishing.

Honestly - to everyone waiting, this is the best thing we've ever done, your time will come too and the joy is absolutely overwhelming.
Happy days everyone.
xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks for the advise E3021. Sounds like it's all coming together for you.

Well our SW must have a sixth sense or something as she's just called to say that we've got a place on the June prep course....woo hoo!!! So so happy as is DH (phoned him straight away).

Take care my lovelies xxx


----------



## MrsYG

Greenie - That is fabulous news...woohoo!!!!!!!! You just had 3 months shaved off your waiting time      I always think our SW is psychic too, whenever I've been thinking 'why is this taking so long' she always rings the same day!  I am sooooo chuffed for you!!  One step closer!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thank you mrs YG. Wishing you all the best...not long to go now for you  x


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi all!
Well, we have just submitted panel paperwork! Meet fcs and medical advisor next week but all seems pretty straightforward, lets hope there are no last minute suprises from fc, dont think there will be though. Cant believe 3 weeks today we will be meeting our little ones!
Their rooms are more or less finished, just wardrobes to go up. The pushchair has been brought, got a great deal at a shopping outlet on a mamas and papas glide, similar to the sola in that its the same frame just a different seat but still faces rear and forward. Although out little boy will be 18 months and probably used to being in a forward facing pushchair I just thought he'll have had so much change and be so confused that it will probably be reassurring to him if he can face mummy and daddy at first. Still need to get a buggy board!
We used the Tomy recordable for both little ones. Think they hold 9 pics, so the first one was me and dh outside our house saying this hi.... this is your new home and we are your forever mummy and daddy, then its was this is mummy in the kitchen cooking lovely dinners, daddy cooking in the garden, picture of pet, this is your bedroom, can you see teddy in the cot, when we come to meet you we will bring him with us, then picture of garden, picture of teddy sunbathing in garden, then another picutre of muumy and daddying saying we cant wait to meet you and be your forever mummy and daddy.
It did feel a bit awkward recording ourselves, write down what you want to say beforehand!
We've been told that the childrens sw and support worker had a little cry when they read them, and they were taken to the fcs last night, so our little ones might even be aware of us by now!
Keep us updated on how you're doing, whilst I'm struggling to do personals I love reading everyones updates x x


----------



## liveinhope

A quick update, end of a busy day! Well our Lo, now to be known as Snuffles (as he has a cold) has been home for 3 days.  The first days went really well but I think the honeymoon period is now over as today he has been in a strop - that is until bath and bedtime where as we speak he is snuggled up with daddy.  Its tiring looking after him but generally it has been OK.  DH is off for another week and half so hopefully we'll be in a routine by then!  

Lots of love to you all whatever stage you are at...

LIH xx


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

LIH congratulations on the arrival of snuffles. It is a real rollercoaster for awhile hun its all new for you all and lo's like to push the boundaries, my words of wisdom are take each hour as it happens cause no 2 are the same. Happy mummy hood. xx
Hope you are all ok, I really can't keep up anymore but do read a bit when I can. We had our 2nd review today and all went well so we can now make our application to the courts our sw is coming on Tues to complete the paperwork with us hee hee think she knows we just want to get it all done and dusted now.  Bubba is amazing and she is so clever she started saying her name and its so sweet she tells everyone!! We had her hair cut yesterday as she was sporting a bit of a mullet she was so good just hope it grows back quickly cause it was all curly and they have gone    into a bag in Mummy's wardrobe. My hairdresser assures me it is the best thing to do to encourage even growth.


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,

Like AAA, I find it very hard to keep up but I do pop in to see how everyone's doing etc   
AAA.....I'm so glad everything's going well   Hopefully not long now till you get that all important court date   

LIH.....As AAA just said it truly is a real rollercoaster to start with and no one can prepare you for how tiring it all is in the beginning (I'd say it's a good 2 months until you start adjusting to the new 'normality' and find your rhythm and routine).
Although the most rewarding and magical experience in the world, looking after a toddler is always going to be tiring and will test your stamina, strength and patience to the limits but those first couple of months after your child comes home are like a whirlwind has hit you in so many ways!!     
No one around you will truly understand unless they have adopted a child themselves as it's totally different bringing a newborn birth child home and slowly easing into the routine together as they grow, to bringing a slightly older adopted child home complete with an already formed little personality, along with being abruptly thrown into the wonders, trials and tribulations ages 1,2,3 etc bring with them!!    (that is without even going into other 'adoption related' matters we all have to take into consideration.
Just know that it does get easier (it may even get a bit harder first) but once you are a little while down the line everything will suddenly click into place and it will seem like you can't remember what life was like without them!!   

Have a good weekend everyone   

Love Anj x


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

Ang well said I struggle to find words at the moment LOL. We have a local adoption support group and I could hardly string a sentance together today  sleep deprevation I think!! We are great thanks, hope Nemo is still doing really well, I was reading a book to Bubba yesterday and it had a nemo fish in there i am saying ah thats like Nemo. mummy's friend baby dah!! I am sure sometimes she just looks at me and says to herself OMG MUM what you on!! 
I just want to say as hard, exhausting, mind blowing, earth shattering tiring that it all is.(you also won't believe a word we say until you experience it because we didn't) The moment your LO looks at you and says mum mum OMG it is all so worth it. Bubba has gone from saying mum mum to mama and she says my mama its truely truely awesome. She is a real chatterbox and its great when she comes out with new words or gets excited when she sees things and they are familiar to her now, a couple of weeks ago we were out for a walk just came down the road towards home and she got so excited in the buggy and said home! Sorry I could go on and on! I guess my bed is calling me yes 8.30 and I am heading to the land of nod.


----------



## Ally Wally

Hi, I am new to this thread and just embarking on our adoption journey. Currently in the midst of our 6 month 'failed fertility treatment reflection period' I tried to at least get a home visit secured but the LA were not interested. Guess we just to be patient. 

One thing I don't understand and forgive me if this has been asked a zillion times before but perhaps someone can send me a link to some info: what are the pros and cons of LA versus VA.

Thanks
Ally


----------



## liveinhope

Sorry another question for those who already have LO's placed

How long was it before you introduced LO to your family for the first time?  I'd be interested to know as LO's social worker thinks we should already have done it by now (4days) and our assessing SW thinks it should be at least 2 weeks.  We have our own view but would like to hear what others think.

And a much better day with Snuffles today....

LIH


----------



## VEC

LIH there's a fab thread on just that topic here: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=285210.0

Hi all
X


----------



## liveinhope

Thanks VEC


----------



## panorama

LIH - we took 2 weeks to start introducing to family, starting with MIL, but we did bump into neighbours and that was fine. Enjoy! Hope they are settling in well, it's magical but also very strange and stressful at times!  xx


----------



## flickJ

Happy Easter, ladies  

I hope you have a good day and may all your future dreams come true (for those with kids and those awaiting them)


----------



## AoC

Thanks Flick.  

Happy Easter everyone.  Here's hoping those who are waiting will be doing family things with our littlies this time next year.    

Although I'm not sharing my chocolate with anyone.  *glaring*


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Happy Easter my lovelies. No chocolate yet for me  Hoping my folks remedy that!!! x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Happy Easter everyone!!

Rang my mum to thank her for the choccie eggs, didn't tell her I had eaten them about 3 weeks ago...


----------



## Kaytie

Happy Easter,

LIH 
we waited 4 days till the little one met Granny & Grandad at our home. He was only 6 months old at the time though, and the transition to our home was very easy. I asked them to only stay 30 minutes, but he had great fun with the cuddles he was getting, so they ended up staying 1 hr which was fine. The rest of the family had to wait another week, but there was no way we could've kept Granny away any longer   
Kaytie


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

Happy Easter
LIH congratulations not sure if I have said it before but you can never have too many!! We were really naughty Bubba just happened to bump into nanny while we were out walking on our introductions she was asleep but we were walking past the end of the road and couldn't not!! Our FC came to see Bubba 3 days after coming home and he was amazed we hadn't done any visits and he didn't feel it would be  a problem. so nanny officially met her that afternoon we only did a flying visit sadly my mum was poorly with the sick bug so if was almost a week after she came home and then we just did a visit almost every day after that and to be honest she was fine with it all. We even took her to meet hubbies uncles on the Sunday when she came home on the Tues evening and we had a big family meal in the pub with them all and they all had cuddles she loved the attention and still does!!
Ally pleased to see you here, you will find loads of help and support and also people in the same boat. Good Luck x


----------



## Poochie1111

Panorama - I can't believe your LO has been with you for 8 months now.  Where has that time gone?  So glad to hear everything is going well.


E3021 - I cant't wait until we can do all that shopping.  I bet you're so excited.


Grennibop - good news you've managed to get on the June course.  It's just around the corner.


LiH - glad he's at home. Must be such an amazing feeling.  it will get easier.


AAA - great to hear you're update too and I'm glad your LO is settle in well.


It's interesting to read how long everyone has been told to wait until introducing family and friends.  We're been advised that you should wait a month and to try and not leave the house too much. Who knows which is the right approach!!


xx


----------



## Arrows

Poochie, we've been given the same advice.


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

Arrows & Poochie there was no way we couldn't have left the house as Bubba went for an hour or so walk everyday with the FC so we carried that on during introductions and to this day if possible. I think you will know very quickly when its right or if things become too much. We were trying to see all close family before Christmas and it did get too much for her so we just stepped it back a bit and had time with just the 3 of us. I also think it depends on the age of the child Bubba was only just 1 when she came home but I think the older they are the more important it becomes. Hope that waffle makes sense. xx


----------



## MrsYG

Hi everyone,

Regarding intorducing the child to your friends and family is very dependant on the individual circumstances and age of the child.  We had prepared everyone  telling them we won't be able to let them see LO for weeks, but in actual fact LO's SW & FC are actively encouraging a social life for LO because thats what he has been used to.

He would probbaly go mad being stuck in the house for a month, with only us for company.  So we're going to take it slowly, a few days at home alone with us and then introducing to a few new people each week for an hour or so.

I think you'll know whats best once you're all home together


----------



## liveinhope

Thanks everyone for your views- in the end we left it a week (as initially recommended by our SW although she later said it should be longer!!) Snuffles has seemed to enjoy his meeting family so far but we are taking it slowly.  There is plenty of time....

Love to everyone xx


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi all, hope you're all well.
Wheres everyone at at the moment?
We met the foster carers and medical advisor yesterday. Our 2 lil ones are in different fc so was a long and tiring day, very intense and emotional, and I dont mind admitting I feel I have a lot to live up to! 
Both fcs are supportive of the plan for adoption though acknowledge it will be hard to see them go, I think they will do a great job of handing the children over during intros.
The children have seen our family books and a4 photos and loved them, our daughter to be can be heard from her bedroom saying goodmorning and goodnight to us, and our future son is always kissing the photos, both of them are more excited about meeting our cat though!   
We really feel that we know the children far better now and have exchanged email addresses and contact numbers for the fc to send some videos and more pics over the next 2 weeks.... yep 2 weeks til we meet them, all going well at panel next week. Cant believe its finally happening and sounds like whilst Dh and I will really have our work cut out we will receive so much joy too... we cant wait! x x


----------



## E3021

*Mum in the Making - wow! You are almost there, only two weeks until you meet them, you must be so excited - happy times!

Live in Hope* - Sounds like Snuffles is doing really well and it's so lovely to hear about the 'other side' that we're all hoping to get to.

*AAA and Mrs YG* - I'm really pleased to read what you said about going out. Although we will do whatever is recommended we already know our older LO loves being outside and they are coming home (fingers crossed) in the middle of summer so we would probably all enjoy a bit of fresh air every day - even if it's just the garden.

We have just had to write some sort of report for the social workers to look at when they have a pre-MP planning meeting - was so nerve racking trying to get across on paper everything we think we will do when they come home - but another step closer. Think I'm going to be getting very impatient over the next nine weeks - nine weeks and two days until panel all being well - I might just explode by that time, or break the bank with all the shopping I'm doing! 

It's a long journey, but the end is in sight!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

Muminthemaking - That sounds so lovely and adorable. You are so close now. So so happy for you.

Just had email confirming we are on June course!!! They will send us application form and ID check forms in a couple of weeks. We are to fill in as much as we can and then call the social worker on the letter who will collect and submit and start the ball rolling.....its starting to feel so real now!!!!!!

Just had a lovely catch up with a friend who has been quite distant lately. So feeling positive about life and the Sun is peeping through the clouds. Best get started on marking that coursework now before the enthusiasm leaves me!

Greenie xxx


----------



## Angels4Me

Hi all
I wonder if anyone can direct me to threads on finance and adoption. Been on here two hours looking. My partner is in full time employment although with a low to average salary and I have had difficulty finding permanent work within the last couple of years, doing bits of temporary work when available. There is lots of official sites which i havnt got my head round re adoption pay. Am trying to find out if and how we can financially support one or two adopted children if my unemployment status doesnt improve in the short term.
Reading your journeys too but think Im suffering info overload now    as been also reading 'Could you be my parent' book and aiming to start filling out initial enquiry forms as to why we would be good adopters.......negatives rather daunting....regarding abused children....but maybe I need to experience the journey. Have lots to offer children just that I lived with a parent who suffered abuse as a child.....so daunting to think about dealing with it again.
Sorry for interupting your conversations
angels x


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi Angels4me,
I'm not really sure how to answer your Qs tbh but didn't want you to have no response ;-)

Have you started home study yet or approved?

My situation was a bit diff - I changed job but thought I might not be entitled to AL but in meantime we looked at options ie
DH took 6 months AL then I would go part time/hols or
DH and I both dropped to PT but work a weekend day
Ended up not being an issue for us

If you have yet to be Approved then you may think about a part time perm job as u are entitled for SAP from 26 weeks from Govt and a lot of companies top that up ( sorry if u have already tried this etc as I know it's a difficult environment job wise at present :-(

X x


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi Angels4me,

I just wanted to add that direct.gov.uk website has quite a thorough section on adoption related finances and benefits.
If you select the 'parents' section on the home page you will find the various sections related to adoption.
I found this site really helpful as my company had a very out dated adoption policy and had I not checked I'd have missed out on the whole amount of benefit that I was entitled to. 

Anj x

/links


----------



## swallowtail

Hi all!
Just popping by to say we have been accepted by the lovely VA and will be on either the May or Sept prep group   
I am about 10 pages behind on reading the thread as been away, so going to have a catch up now! 
xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi Swallowtail....congratulations, that is fantastic news. Fingers crossed you get the May course. We are at really similar stages 

Hi to everyone else, I hope that life is treating you well. I have finally found my marking mojo and have made real head way. so not looking forward to going back next week  We're off to see Dara O'Brien tonight which should be fun.

Have a lovely weekend

Greenie xxx


----------



## swallowtail

Thanks Greenie! Going to assume Sept and hope to be pleasantly surprised    Hope the countdown to yours flies past!

xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Oh enjoy Greenie. Saw him a few weeks ago and Loved the show! 
X


----------



## oliver222

Congrats swallowtail hope it flies in. 
I am on day 1 of prep course tomorrow. Getting excited but bit nervous.


----------



## DizzyPip

Hi all,

I love reading all your stories of your experiences with your little ones! It certainly makes it calming for those at the very start of the adoption journey.  
We had our report back from our initial visit and it all seemed fine.  We were hoping to get on the prep course in April, but it was full and our paperwork wasn't ready in time anyway.  Don't know when the next course is? Horrible not having a date to work towards!
Our SW thought that maybe we could be held back a bit because unfortunately my hubby was made redundant a few weeks ago and hasn't found another job yet.  We do have good savings so we are hoping they will take this into account and still keep the ball rolling as we are right at the start of the process. Who knows! We'll see soon as it goes to the small board on the 25th.

Take care everyone

Pip x


----------



## Arrows

Pip, I know how you feel -we got lots of delays going to panel and now delays looking for a child because due to a number of factors we can't bring a child home till August. We got approved 8th Mar but have to wait till 4th May to get to look at profiles because of this. At first they tried to delay us by 2/3mths going to panel -if we'd been approved back in Jan when technically we were supposed to (going on government recommendation of timescale) we would have been able to bring home a child in June! So, so frustrating!


----------



## Poochie1111

MinM - loved reading what the FC said about the children.  I read out your line to my DH about them kissing your photo and saying good morning and good night as it was so lovely to read. 


Arrows - have you just changed you profile pick or have I missed the fact that you have the cutest cat?!!


Grennibop - hope you enjoyed Dara the other night? 
Dizzy - hope you hear some good news soon about whether you need to be delayed   


We've had our lengthy prospective adopters report through today to review over the weekend so have a bit of reading to do over the weekend!


----------



## oliver222

First day of prep group was really good. Looking forward to part 2 next friday.
Quick question, mentioned in info that will be discussed during hs regarding what would happen if you died and if had made a will regarding children etc. I have family etc so not worried as such but seems strange asking someone to confirm would take a child if you died when they would not have met them at this point and although in theory would be fine. Just wondered how official is and if need to make these decisions early on when choice would probably be dependant on child when placed and their issues etc


----------



## VEC

Hi all

Apologies for gate crashing, but thought Oliver might be interested in this thread about guardianship of children in the event of your death http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=284872.0

Martha x


----------



## skyblu

Hi Ladies,
I'm still lurking and reading your lovely stories.
MITM, your story of you lo's kissing and saying goodnight to your photos was so lovely, I bet you cant wait to meet them 
AAA IS A MUMMY, so pleased everything is still going so well for you all, I can't wait until i am in the same position, keep up the good work. 

Hello to everyone else, I have read all your stories but to keep up and to remember who's who will take all night, but I am thinking of you all.

AFU, We are still in contact with our SW and we are having our report to look at next week.
We have been given a panel date,but sorry ladies I am not going to say when as I don't want to tempt fate as so many things have gone wrong or have been delayed, I some times think the best thing to do is to keep quite.
I will let you know what happens when it happens even if it's bad news, which our SW thankfully thinks and hopes it is going to go our way.
Feeling slightly uneasy about it all at the moment and just want it to be over now, it has been a long 16 months since we applied and we still have a way to go for the end, I just hope to god it will be a happy ending.

SKYBLU.XXX


----------



## flickJ

Best of luck Skyblu, I completely understand that,, after all you have been through, you don't want to go broadcasting your panel date. We all think the journey will be so smooth, but there is always a nagging doubt that something will go wrong. I am having a little stumbling point at the moment,  

I send    to you and hope everything goes well in the future


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww skyblu thanks for updating. Got my fingers n toes crossed for you
I know about tempting fate x x


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi everyone!
Skyblu, I understand how you feel about being anxious and that uneasy feeling before panel, whenever your panel is I wish you all the best x x 
Thankyou for all your good wishes, I'm having a very odd day today, I have a really strong feeling of missing my 2 little ones, which is crazy since I havent met them, but the foster carers have just brought them to life to me soooooo much this week and my thoughts are totally consumed by them! Really dont know how once we're through panel (  ) I'm going to finish my last working week!
Hope all is having a good weekend x x


----------



## flickJ

Oh, it sounds as though you are becoming a 'Mum' in your head   how wonderful for you. You are going to be such a good mum


----------



## muminthemaking

Thankyou Flick


----------



## laura0308

Hi all,

Have been catching up with the thread but had no time to write, sorry!!!

Skyblu lots of     and will await your good news, take care of yourself mean time.

To everyone else am so sorry for nor personals, will try to do better.

AFU - Life is hectic and busy with our BS and LO.  Took them both swimming today, LO is taking to the water which is great but does make him tired and cranky.  Our BS was having a diabetic hypo after swimming so had to stop at a restaurant for food and LO decided that that was the time to show us his dark side    .  Not sure we will go to that restaurant again   .  I do love the LO to pieces but at 18 months he has a personality carved and behaviours that are probably not what we would allow and therefore never faced with our BS so it can be hard to reeducate habits. How does everyone else manage this.  I try to do what I would have done in the classroom, so ignore minor things, praise good behaviour and deal with the bigger stuff.  Have to say though even when he was awful, we got back in the car the stereo came on and he started to dance, both DH and I just looked at each other and smiled, you can't stay mad at LO at all.

Hope everyone is looking after themselves, you will need all your energy when your LO arrives.

L
xxx


----------



## Arrows

lol Poochie -I have 2 cats -both gorgeous but that one -Nutmeg- is a total and utter tart!
In fact, took another pic recently, so have updated it again tonight!

I'm not so well at the minute -got tonsillitis with a cold, swollen glands and lots of congestion making breathing not so easy - as i discovered when i ventured out today for the first time really this week!
Now, after a second visit to drop in centre, I'm under orders to completely rest and when i said ok, so then I'll be okay to go back to work on Monday, she said she didn't think so. Said 48 hrs may make a difference but she wasn't convinced. Grr, last thing I need is any time off -they grimace every time I ask for time off (I had to mess them about a lot after 4 changes of panel date last month).

Oh well -movies for the next couple days then!


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,

Just a quick one....

Skyblu.....I'm so glad you have a date for panel, that's wonderful news!  
Not long now and that part of your journey will be done and dusted and you will be one step closer to meeting you lo/s   

Arrows....I'm so sorry to hear you have tonsillitis, that's miserable   . I hope you get better soon   
I love the new picture of your cat, she looks adorable. My little furbaby sleeps like that too! so cute!   

Hi to everyone else, I hope you all had a good weekend   

Anj x


----------



## AnneS

Hi all,

I have not been on here for absolutely ages, since last year in fact. We are doing home study. Having big discussions with DH about how much time who has to take off if and wehn succesful and a child is placed with us.
Any idea? I thought 4 weeks was mentioned (us together) and then maternity leave. Is that right? We are a bit confused and try to figure out our finances. Dh would have to take unpaid leave as he is not employed. I freelance too, but different situation to him.
We are wondering what we can do after the (assumed) 4 weeks off together. do you think it would be acceptable and not too disruptive if Dh and I split the week between us to look after the child? Dh would love that. And our earnings would not take a nose dive ...

I would really appreciate your comments. our social worker is helpful, but is giving us the "party line" but we need to earn some money and not risk loosing our customers by being away too long. Surely other parents have to work??
We are going for a child between 2 and 5 years.

Thanks for reading.

Anne


----------



## Arrows

Hi Anne, The government says you get the same as anyone on maternity leave, therefore your DH if paid, would be entitled to 2wks paid paternity followed by 2wks unpaid and you (as main caregiver) would be entitled to up to a year off -usually at a higher rate initially then dropping to Statutory Adoption Pay which is £128 a week. This of course will be different in your situation as not sure of the ins and outs when freelancing. We're aiming for 0-4 but were advised that we had to both have the 4weeks and for me to ideally have at least 6mths off -though we are aiming for the bottom end of the age range.


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

Hi just a quickie again (sorry) we have reached a MILESTONE whoop whoop, our court application went in today so fingers crossed Bubba will be officially ours in the Summer we have been told about 3-4 months. Felt very proud walking in and handing them in can't wait for our day in court    really looking forward to waving bye bye to SW's as well hee hee


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi everyone!
Well, matching panel said yes!!!!! 
Absoloutely over the moon and cannot wait to start meeting our little ones next wednesday. It was a difficult panel, not quite as friendly as our approval panel but the outcome was what we've hoped for and the chairman was very positive after.
Now just a bit of tidying up at work before last day on friday.... woohoooooooo!!!!! x x


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

Congratualtions hun try and get as much sleep between now and next week as possible as you won't believe how exhausting emotionally more than physically. You will love it the best job in the word,.


----------



## flickJ

how exciting!

Try and calm down and relax - your wishes have come true


----------



## AnneS

Hi again,

so much good news on here, I am getting all emotional reading your progress. And feel a bit silly to worry about maternity leave, when we are nowhere near a matchign yet! We are only going towards panel/end of home study ... oh well. Time to sort things out at least!
So THANK YOU Arrow for your answer. The 2 week paid, 2 week unpaid situation was what I assumed for DH, though it might be 4 weeks no pay for him as he is contracting, but worthwhile checking. He does not want to trott on toes ...
Me, I have checked with my acountant and there is a way to pay me the maternity pay you mention, from my own company, then claim (part of it) back from the government. Becuase in a compnay of one (me!) I would otherwise pay my own maternity cover and apparently I am intitled to some support. Hooray.

Can I float this "split" matenity/paternity leave again? I always planned to take a year off work. I never earned as much as DH, so easy calculation. BUT he managed to clinch a part time job and my work suddenly goes well and earns money, so hence we wonder wether after our shared 4 weeks off, I could work the 2 days that he will be off and be at home with our child the 3 days he is working his part time job. DH thinks it would be wonderful if our child could have a bit of both parents. I get so emotional when he talks about this i simply do not kowo anymore, what to think.
I should say that this might not come together as his part time job might run out before we ever get matched.
Any comments??

And apologies for no personals. I am a hard nosed b**** and only here for the information   . No, I am simply rushed off my feet. Sorry!

Anne


----------



## AnneS

Eeeks, I did not noodle my post through the spell check - so many typos! Apologies!!

Anne


----------



## AoC

I don't know the answers, Anne, but you made me smile and I wanted to give you a wave *waving*  

Congrats on the court application AAA!  Great news.  

And WOOT CONGRATULATIONS on matching panel MITM!  Brilliant!!!     

I think I'm reading too much adoption stuff, feeling rather down about it all.  Ho hum.


----------



## panorama

AOC -   for you, we all have our days x


AnneS - I am also self employed and was going to claim the statutory adoption leave but we then realised actually DH could get the adoption leave (he was very lucky to get 6 months off paid!) so made more sense to do that! They can't discriminate with adoption leave like they can with maternity leave so might be an idea to pursue that option? I don't think you can split adoption leave but may be wrong now with the new legislation? 


Good luck!


p xx


----------



## AnneS

Hi everyone,

AoC - glad I made you smile, sorry to read you are having one of those moments, but I know how that feels!!

Panorama - I remember you from last year. So nice to read your signature, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Good point about who might get the leave. 

I am thinking, if possible, would it be any good for the child? We have friends where he does 1/3 of the child care, she does about 1/3 and 1/3 is covered by a nursery. Teir littel one seems to really liek having time with each parent (not adopted).

More thinking to do.

Thanks for reading.

Anne


----------



## farmgirl

Hello all

I have been reading for ages, and following your stories, i love all the recent milestones. i am booked in for may prep group and was hoping i could join you. i must confess i am still having blips of feeling can i do this, what if lo doesnt attach should i just have one last go with a donor egg but i dont want to have to do my 'time' again as my la is very strict. I'm hoping the course will set me straight and stop the wobbles or maybe they are with us forever, or until we finally get to have lo placed with us. I have opted for 2 children 0-4, finding it very strange that the chances are they are already out there.

speaking of which, which is why i am posting, anne my la said no to me working pt to fit arouind the 3 days my hubby is off uni. They said one person has to be the main carer, and stay at home for a year. It affects what child they will consider to place. Ie maybe a little girl wouldn't want her daddy getting her rrady in the morning for the first few months, and then the placed child has consistency which is very important. Must say I am worried about money as childcare share would have been perfect for us. As it happens we are just going to have to use the last lots of savings we had to ensure I can fund the year off. 

I just want to say I love hearing your stories, I read out aaas to my hubby, I have been following you since you were an auntie :0).  
I am looking forward to getting to know you all. I don't know very much compared to others but I hope I can support you all where I and when I can. 

Xxx


----------



## panorama

Farmgirl - I was thinking the same right up to being matched with our child and if I am honest had feelings of trepidation right up to meeting him!! We actually had a frozen embryo which I thought we might use later on or as a last resort if adoption did not work, but we actually feel so good now about adoption we let the embryo perish a few months ago, actually now more IVF fills me with trepidation!!  I do sometimes still feel sad about not having had a newborn as we actually lost a LO when I was 8 months pg, but more and more I am realising what we did was the right thing....


Anne - my LO LOVED spending time with my DH and in the weekends is very much a daddy's boy, they really got a chance to bond. My LA was quite lax as although I said I would be the main carer and he would not really start nursery till a year after we adopted him, my DH actually looked after him more on his own the first 6 months we got him as I am a photographer I had commitments that I could not get out of, but they were fine with that. I guess doing a bit of work here and there is no problem, I work from home anyway and it was a big plus that my DH was off for 6 months.


p x


----------



## farmgirl

Thanks panorama, I hadn't posted before as felt a bit of a fraud if you know what I mean. Especially when I look at how long we have waited to even get a place on the course, I know such honesty about how I am feeling may upset some ladies who have also been waiting forever and who know completely that adoption is the route to their family. Makes me feel better that it is normal.

I think I have scared myself by reading widely and discovering blogs like the boys behaviour and adoption break down books. Before my last ivf I was very focused on adoption. I think it might also be after all the initial attention, homevisits and positivity which of course rubs off, form filling etc, to be left to wait for the prep course it feels like I'm not really doing anything. I keep telling mtself to enjoy these last child free months, there is a beginning a middle and an end and I will get the family that I have always dreamed of.

Well, I just wanted to say thank you but I'm going now to finish watching the apprentice, I have got tight red pants in the sweepstake at work, I need to check me and him don't get fired!!

Xx


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hi Farmgirl, both my husband and I work at our home on the family farm. We plan to share childcare, one of us doing am and then the other doing pm so that we are still able to run the farm. My sw thought this would be very beneficial to any child being able to spend quality time with both parents and also benefiting us in that we also get a break! It just shows how each LA varies and sw all have there different opinions on things. Think we have been lucky that we have a super sw who is great.


----------



## Smudgey

Hi all i am new on here and I have been reading your stories , they are amazing ! So many fab things happening ! 
I was just wondering how the SW was re you running a farm? Only I have three horses and was wondering how this will effect the application , the horses are mainly my hobby and hopefully LO will become interested too ? I know this doesn't always happen and if not this is fine too , as hubby does like the horses and helps out sometimes but he will look after LO while I am at the yard , the yard is on a working farm with cows , sheep and tractors etc so was also wondering what they would think about LO coming to the yard with me ? My friend on the yard has a LO of 2 and she brings her to the yard and she has a little tiny sweeping brush and helps to mix feeds etc and I think it's a good healthy place to be , but what if I get a SW who is against it all ?


----------



## AoC

Just to say my VA Sw was quite surprised when she realised that I thought one of us had to have a year off....  She said it depends on the child, nine months might be enough, and it was fine to mix my leave entitlement with DH's.

As it is, I think I WANT a year at home with kiddo(s)!  

So it really does depend on your agency.

Thanks for your hugs.    I feel better for having talked it through with DH.  Problem is, if I believed all the articles I read, our child(ren) would inevitably always resent us, be hated by their teachers, ultimately excluded from school, have destructive relationships, get into drugs and alcohol, and end up in a young offenders institution having got their teen girlfriend pregnant.  

I know, in my heart, it can't always be like that.


----------



## MrsYG

*Smudgey* - welcome to the board. I just wanted to let you know my situation. I too have 3 horses, and I was very concerned how LA would view this. They are a huge committment, and I compete regularly at a high level. Our SW was very reassuring, and said it was not a problem as long as we understand how life will inevitably change, and LO will be main priority (obviously)!

We were approved and matched quickly, and we just had to give reassurance that in the first 4 weeks of placement horses would be looked after by someone else to give us time to bond with LO, then slowly introduce the horses routine into LO's routine.

They will want to visit the farm and see what its like, they may have concerns regarding the tractors etc.. but you'll just have to be reassuring that LO will not be left unattanded etc.. Good Luck. 

*AAA* - Congrats on reaching your milestone, it must feel great. LO will soon be all yours 

*MITM *- Woohoo, huge congratulations! What did panel ask you? Ours is in 2 weeks and I'm dreading it already!

*AoC *- We are still having mild panics about whether we'll cope, finances, will LO like us blah blah blah... I think its nothing to do with adoption, but just new parent worries that everyone goes through. When I look at LO's dvd all the worries just melt away. You'll be fine 

Hello to everyone else!

x


----------



## Smudgey

Hi mrs YG , thank you for your reply , I too compete at a high level   wonder if we know each other !? 

Been having a quick nosy at your journey , how exciting that your near the end !


----------



## watakerfuffle

Morning everyone, I am a bit out of touch with all these new names! I am currently reading through mine and my husbands report from the social worker (or whatever it is called!) it all sounds very positive and haven't found any surprises yet! I am getting alot nearer now to our panel date (5 weeks) and I am already starting to feel the nerves. It all feels so surreal at the moment and to think that our son or daughter could potentially be out there somewhere now is so strange to think!! I had such a vivid dream last night and it was about us meeting our adopted child, it was a little girl! So vivid the dream but I guess it's just all the not knowing at the moment playing on my mind, what will our son or daughter look like, how old will they be what will there past be etc etc etc. Exciting and nerve racking times ahead! Hope everyone else s journeys are going well x


----------



## Flipsy

Just after some advice really. I'm sorry if questions have already been answered. We have had 3 failed IVF and are no considering number 4 but also thinking of adoption.
1) we are in rented accommodation (2 bedrooms)
2) how long is process from start to finish?
3) likely to be emigrating in few years due to husband work, can we emigrate with adopted child?
4) I'm a nurse but have suffered from depression about 10 years ago.

Do we have any hope or chance of adopting


----------



## swallowtail

Only just starting but we are renting and they are fine with that. I am working to maybe a year or so for approval and then can't really say how long until you find a match but our VA says ideally within 6 months of approval...I am thinking a year or so, just for self preservation really as these things always take longer than you think I feel!
I was told we shouldn't really move for a year or two once a child is placed, but after that it is ok - but of course you may need to see how the child is, whether they could cope with another move etc...
Looks like most people have a 'past' and as long as you can show that you are over the depression and have new ways of coping with stress then it should be ok ...I have something I was worried about, but it wasn't an issue in the end (!) and they will just want to explore it during home study I think. 
Probably worth calling an LA/VA and talking your fears through with someone otherwise you will always wonder? Only thing is most agencies ask you to wait 6-12 months after IVF before applying. We waited 6. 
xx


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi all! Def something up with my laptop. halfway through answering Flipsys questions and deleted message, happens too often   
Sooooooooooo annoying!
So very briefly, 1). rented accom fine, maybe secure a long term contract? 2 rooms fine, may need somewhere bigger if adopting siblings for them to have own room (?)
2). process varies according to you the individual, the sw and the agency. For us the process took 18 months from initial application to approval panel, then just 3 months to be linked, matched and we're meeting our children next week!
3). Once you have legally adopted the child is yours and you can go/do anything you please, but bear in mind that alot of these children have had difficult starts and will need to have a solid relationship with you  in order to successfully emigrate.
4). As many as 1 in 4 people suffer from some kind of mh prob in their lifetime, so many people who adopt will have had an experience of depression, however as Swallowtail as said the sw will want to see how you have turned that negative into a positive and developed ways of coping with stress and recognising stress before it becomes an issue.
Hope this helps
Hello MrsYG, panel not to far now! Have to say ours wasn't the friendliest of panels, we were particularly nervous as they were running an hour behind. The questions we were asked were ones we expected, around Dh relationship with birth children, our social network and why siblings, why our two? Although it seemed very tense in the room, when we recieved confirmation in agreement of the match the chairman was so friendly and supportive, and to be honest as long as the panel agreed the match they could have made us walk on glass! Our match isnt be ratified until next thurs but the chairman has said to go ahead and start intros anyway!
So... its my last day at work tomorrow, taking mon and tues off to do some cooking, housework, last min shopping and doctors appt. On weds we meet our son and daughter and we just cant wait!   
The foster carers have been great keeping in contact and sending little videos of the kids, feeling so very blessed right now!
Will keep you posted on developments! x


----------



## skyblu

AAA IS A MUMMY, Congrats and hope you have your court date very soon 

MITM, Congrats on the matching panel, best of luck in meeting your lo and try and get as much sleep as you can until then. 

AoC, Sorry you have had a bit of a down moment, I certainly know how they feel and is very normal 

Welcome, Flipsy,Farmgirl and Smudgey 

 to everyone else and hope you are all well.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Flipsy

Thank you everyone or your replies, very grateful


----------



## peacelily

Smudgey and MrsYG - do you do SJ, XC or Dressage?  I'm intrigued now!  I too used to compete at a fairly high level in SJ, I sold my last horse during IVF in 2006 to fund treatment but my sister still competes.

Peacelily xx


----------



## MrsYG

Peacelily & Smudgey - hello    more horsey people on here than I imagined!  I do Dressage... I was at the Winter Championships this week... was a bit of a disaster tbh.. think horsey may have ulcers which is affecting his performance so waiting for Vet to come and put the camera in to have a look.  Once we know what the problem is we can sort it, hopefully in time for the summer champs!   

Hello Flipsy - in answer to your q's... rented is fine as the other have said.  regarding the time, we made fist contact last March, prep in June, approved in Dec and linked in February.  We go to matching panel in 2 weeks.  So fairly quick for us, just over a year, but we had a fab SW!  Once the child is legally yours you can do and go wherever you want, but as MITM has explained, you have to consider if moving would be in the best interests of child.  I think the younger they are the easier it would be.  Moving schools, home and country may be too much for an older child who has already experienced a lot moves. Regarding the depression, I think it depends on how severe it was, whether you took steps to seek help, and what you have learned from it.  Adopted children need resilient parents, so as long as you can demonstrate that you should be fine,  Tons of luck!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hello everyone,

So so sorry Ive been MIA and not updating our list as needed, my laptop has been on the blink and Ive just been ran off my feet! Anyway I'm back now.

Ohhh lots of horsey people on here. I used to SJ, nothing high level thou, just local. I hadn't rode for a few years until last year. Its a fantastic hobby and Id love a horse of my own but don't feel I have the time to committ at the min. Hats of to you all looking after your horses 

MIM - Bet your so    *EXCITED *    for Wed, hope it goes well. Enjoy 

AOC - How's my application buddy?? Hows the HS going? Hope your feeling a bit more 

AFU - We are a couple visits into our HS and our social worker got intouch last night to cancel a visit and to inform us he was unwell and going for an operation next week so will be off for a few weeks but will be intouch soon. Hope he gets better soon for his sake and ours 
Been intouch with a 'childcare coordinator' at work (NHS) this week and explained our circumstance. She was very lovely and helpful and gave me some info to read. Asked us to get intouch once we are matched and she will arrange a personal appointment to go through all our options for once I return to work and will help us through all the logistics (?!?! right word ?!?!) of it all. That was reassuring.
Ive been having a few bad days, just generally down in the dumps. Not really sure why. Maybe just a bit stressed. There's a few family issues niggling which aren't helping and had some bad experiences at work recently which has made me sad  Hopefully ill pull myself together and snap out of it soon.
Got our medicals on Monday, I actually work with the GP who's doing it but don't think he's realised its me. Should be interesting!

Hope you are all well
Xx


----------



## laura0308

Hi all,

Sorry no personals but on way to bed but have little query which I was hoping someone could help me with   .

We have heard that our LO's father's partner is pregnant and that the baby will more than likely be taken into care.  This will therefor be our LO's half-sibling.  We are not sure what this means for us   .  We would assume that if our LO's mum was pregnant then we would be contacted with regard to us possibly adopting the new baby but would the same apply for a paternal half-sibling?  

We are really unsure how we feel about it as LO has only been home for a month and although everything is wonderful we had envisaged having just him (and BS) for a year or two.  We are having a meeting with SW in 2 weeks and want to be prepared if the subject is raised.  Any advice would be really appreciated.

Hope everyone is doing well and have a lovely weekend.

L


----------



## oliver222

Last day of Prep group was great. Process in our La is now to send back feedback form for prep and will be allocated an appt for inital sw visit and then official apply and hs starts. Going to post forms on Monday so hopefully will not be too long for inital visit.

Aunt went to a fortune teller/spiritalist. And she said to her there are twin babies here and they want you to let their mum know they are happy.She then said that their mum and dad are going to have a girl. I can see her she is young but she isnt a baby. I am not really a big believer but it was strange as we lost twins and obviously are now hoping to adopt so if have a child wont be a baby.


----------



## flickJ

Congratulations for completing your prep course, hope it wasn't too tiring for you   hopefully things will move along quickly for you and you will not have to wait to long  

Strange that the fortune teller should say that, could it be an omen?


----------



## hawk26

Hi everyone. 
Sorry I don't post much but I usually read on my phone and can't seem to reply from it.
It is all sounding good out there, lots of positive news   
I was hoping for some advice......
Following a staffing restructure, I am faced with a dilemma. My current role gets bigger but doesn't pay more or give more non-teaching time (I work in a secondary school) and it has been said that it cannot be done part-time, even 4 days a week. My school doesn't understand job shares so that isn't a possibility. If we are lucky enough to have a LO placed with us, I would want to go to 4 days a week. I would like to work less but we cannot afford it. I have the option to step down to my previous post which could be done 4 days and pays about £70-80 a month less. What do I do?
My line manager has recommended staying put and hoping to persuade them to let me go to 4 days when it comes to it but that is risky. If they say no, I would have to work full time or drop to be a classroom teacher, which we couldn't afford if DH is being a stay at home dad which is the plan.
I have to decide in the near future so would appreciate any advice. It is just such bad timing, it could be another couple of years by the time we get a LO but I have to sign a permanent contract soon. 
It would help if we could meet our sw who we were told 2 weeks ago has been assigned to us (after waiting 6 weeks after sending forms in to phone!). I knew it would be slow, but seriously......!!
Sorry if I have bored anyone to sleep. On paper it looks obvious but I have worked hard to get where I am and don't want to make a decision I later regret.
Hawk x


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## laura0308

Hi Hawk,

These dilemmas are always tricky.  I left teaching last June as I knew we were going to panel in the September and although I didn't know when we would be placed I wanted to be ready.  Although we dropped my wage it was the best course of action for us and our family.  Let me have time with BS before our LO came in March.  So I would say that if you can afford the drop, I would do that, this way you know you can have the lifestyle you want when the LO comes along.  It is a bugger (can I say that) feeling that you have worked hard to get to where you are and then have to give up but I can honestly say that when your LO is placed you won't care at all.

It does however seem very antiquated that your school won't consider job share, could you get advice from the union about your rights to this.  I had a very vague recollection that they have to show that it can't be done but I could be completely wrong    .

Good luck for you adoption journey.

L


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi hawk.

Another teacher here. At the end of this academic year I am dropping my TLR and going back to classroom teacher as want to drop to 2 or 3 days a week when (hopefully LOs come along) I have a friend who is doing HoD on 4 days and is feeling the strain. I think you have to go with your gut feeling and know what you want in terms of time with LO etc. As you know, this job can take over!!!

That's probably been no help at all but didn't want to read and run.

Take care

Greenie x


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## Arrows

Hi, I'm a teacher too and work with 16+ Special needs students. We have job-share heads of dept. 
Can you find someone willing to share with you and present yourselves together as a solution to them? Perhaps if you solve part of the perceived dilemma of job share and look into the different aspects of the HoD job then they'll be more inclined to listen?


I agree with Laura though and think if you can afford to drop down then it'll be worth it. x


----------



## AoC

Hey Can't Wait.    Sorry you're feeling a bit low - I'm coming to the conclusion that the adoption process just does that to us once in a while.  Hope you feel better soon - but honestly, it's not a case of 'snapping out of it'.  It's a tough journey and you're entitled to feel low - and to ask for help if you need it.  (((((hugs)))))

Yeah, I'm feeling more positive, thanks.  It was just a wibble, I think.   H/S is going well, so far as I can tell.  DH just had his solo flight, which I think he found hard, as there was a family bereavement in his past he struggles to talk about.  But he did really well!  Made me laugh as the SW said a couple of things to him about us that show incredible insight into us and our relationship for just a few visits.  Stuff that some of our closest friends don't see.    Found that rather reassuring.

We've got another session on Friday - this time about our current lifestyle and how we think it will change.  Should be fun.  

Oh, and sympathies on the family blues.  :/  We have a similar thing going on, and while I'm trying not to get too involved, I wish they'd sort it out.  It's making me sad.  

Sorry, Laura, I don't know - if it were me I'd just be asking my SW!  I guess even if LO is taken into care, it will be at least a year until they're released for adoption, I'd think?  Or am I talking out my bottom?!?

Amazing, Oliver!  Hope that message is comforting to you.  

Hawk, I don't know a lot about your situation, but my gut reaction is drop down.  But I can see both options potentially working for you.  Is there anyone else - HR, LEA? - you can ask for advice?  Good luck!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi AoC, good to hear from you and glad the process is going rather smoothley for you so far   Keep me updated please.

Well theres plenty of NHS'rs, teachers and animal lovers on here isnt there  

Laura - how have you found out your LO's father's partner in pregnant if your social worker has not approached the subject with you? You may have to be careful about how you bring up the subject with your social worker if you have been told from an unauthorised source, if you know what I mean   Prehaps you should just concentrate on your LO that has just come home and if its meant to be that you get LO number 2 it will happen. Let Social Service do what they need to to get the LO removed (If they need to) and once everything is offically stamped and approved through the courts Im sure they'll approach you guys as a priority. Just enjoy your newly added to family and let fate do its thing.

Hawk - Weve just been calculating and discussing the same thing over the weekend, it looks like Id loose approx £85 per week to go down to 30hrs from 37.5 and it doesnt look like it wouldn't benefit us financially (in regards to saving on child care costs) but may be neccesary for the LO. Id be over the moon if I was only set to loose £80 a month. I think you should deff go for it. Id love to go totally part time and do approx 20-25hrs a week but simply cant afford that unfortunately. Look at all your options and weigh up what will work out best in the long run. I would most certainly push the topic of job share, seems unreasonable they dont consider it


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## MrsYG

Hello Ladies... Hope everyone is well?  Nothing much to report here, except that I'm going mad waiting for Panel.  I cannot wait to leave work, only 12 more actual working days...woohoo!!!!  Has anyone got any advice regarding the wait?  Room is ready, everything is bought, resisting the urge to buy tons of clothes until we meet him.  Its driving me mad.  I spend all day in work thinking about LO, wanting it to be first day of Intros.... then I worry LO won't like us    and I'm going slowly insane!  HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## AoC

Get lots of sleep and go on a few outings or 'dates' with your DH, MrsYG!!!


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## aaa is a MUMMY

Mrs YG what you are feeling is exactly how I felt and all was fab with us. LO will be seeing you all the time either via photo book, dvd or photos. Our photos and photo book were on the floor at foster carers on our first visit and Bubba kept looking at them and back to us was lovely as she realised we were real. I would seriously recommend getting as much sleep as you possibly can because it is a massive shock to the system and very exhausting. As to killing time at work I had a pic of Bubba in my locker and every break I would go and have a look at it, I think I broke the days up into sections and just got a few hours over and done with at the time small steps. It really will fly past and you will soon be with your LO and so in love this bit will all seem like a distant memory. See family and friends and spend time doing things like getting hair done and all the nice stuff. 
Sorry I am waffling dah!!
Hope everyone is well Bubba is so funny she is changin everyday and last week she said love you those wonderful words  I never thought I would hear so stay strong everyone.
Anj hope you are Nemo are well
Popsi how is the journey for no 2 going?


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## Arrows

Hi all. Had a great meeting with social worker this evening -she was here for 3hrs!
We have now given her definitive yes and no's for what type and age of child we're willing to take on and turns out the family finder really likes us and has been giving her profiles for us all week!
We go to look at our first formal profiles on Friday next week but everything is looking really positive for us to have a child home august/ september!


----------



## popsi

hi everyone... sorry i know i dont post much but always love reading and if anyone wants to ask me anything feel free to x
just a short post...

aofc...glad you feeling better sweetness... hope my messaged helped, keep it and read it when you need to.. and PM me anytime x

aaa... we have finished assesment i think ! just waiting for report and panel date now,,, then the waiting again x

lots of love to you all

and remember....dreams really do come true... I know i am living mine everday x


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## muminthemaking

Hi all, 2 more sleeps for us and it cant come soon enough!
Just finishing the last min bits, putting up stairgates, plug covers etc. Our daughters fc has been telling us today how she carries our photo wherever she goes and is always talking to us! I'm so excited but can definitely relate to that nervous feeling of will they like me/us
This weekend has been catching up with friends, lazy mornings and today my first day of leave I've gotten myself up to date with opticians and the lovely 3 yearly! Now to give the house a good once over in preparation for the kids totally destroying it in the next couple of weeks    lol
Tomorrow I  might do some cooking, get some more dinners in the freezer.
We're meeting our lil angels in the morning on weds then planning meeting in the afternoon, think they're hoping we'll be able to concentrate better this way, lol, I doubt it very much! x x


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## Poppets Mammy

WOW so much happy news on here, its making me feel all mushey  

MIM - How silly of them to think you'll be able to concentrate on Wed afternoon   Im all giddy with excitement for you. Please let us know how it goes, sounds fantastic.

MrsYG - I have no words of wisdom for you as Ive not been there myself, sounds like AAA has covered it for you. Have some date nights, get your hair done etc, sounds like sound advice to me   Keep us updated

Hope everyone else is well


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## Dreams do come true

MITM - I feel so excited and happy for you!!! Your long wait is almost here...ENJOY IT


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## muminthemaking

well what should be the happiest day ever is proving to be a nightare as a phonecall from our sw may mean intros delayed by a couple of days      
BF made contact with our lil ones sw yesterday having not seen them for a while and wanted to see them and have a final contact, so that is or has just finished taking place. Our sw has said about postponing intors for a couple of days for some lifestory work to be done with our babes, but our daughter in particular is so ready to meet us and has been counting down sleeps. We're so worried that all the prep that has been done with her will cause such confusion after seeing bf. We also feel that as she has been counting down sleeps its important that we do meet her tomorrow as we dont want her to think we have let her down.
Its been an exhausting day, dh doesn't know whether to finish work today or not, I'm just sat by the phone waiting, really should have been enjoying today in the knowledge that we meet our forever babies tomorrow


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## muminthemaking

Just had the phonecall and we're on for tomorrow! What a day, but seemingly my daughter is non stop chattering about meeting mummy and daddy tomorrow. Sounds like final contact was a relaxed affair and children non plussed about it at the moment. Gonna have a rather large glass of wine tonight I think!


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## swallowtail

Phew! Good luck tomorrow hun xx


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## MrsYG

MITM - How infuriating... BF always seem to pop up at the last minute to throw a spanner in the works.  I know its probbaly not great for LO, or you, but I think they need some sort of closure and the chance to say goodbye.  I do feel for BF, because quite often they do not agree with the adoption, and cannot see their own failings, which I find very sad.   

Anyway... all is set for tomorrow which is FABULOUS     , and I agree it would have been disappointing for LO since she has been counting down the days.  Enjoy that glass of Wine tonight, you deserve it, and I can't wait to get an update on your first day meeting your LO's.  Enjoy! 

xx


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## someday

muminthemaking said:


> Just had the phonecall and we're on for tomorrow! What a day, but seemingly my daughter is non stop chattering about meeting mummy and daddy tomorrow. Sounds like final contact was a relaxed affair and children non plussed about it at the moment. Gonna have a rather large glass of wine tonight I think!


fab fab news! i can't wait to hear how it goes xxxx

we are having our 2nd homestudy tomorrow night. its going ok so far but i sometimes worry about saying the wrong thing.


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## liveinhope

Good luck MITM - enjoy every moment!  Seeing your LO's for the first time is amazing.

All well here, Mr Snuffles has been home just over 3 weeks and we have settled into a good routine.  Life is amazing
xx


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## muminthemaking

I agree that it is needed for the bps and the children, just so shocking that it happened this late and at such short notice, think ss need to ensure if bps want to see children for last contact its done, for example, 4 weeks before intros, and if the bps do not take up the offer at that point well, for want of a better phrase, tough luck. This meeting today could have had negative implications for the children and I dont think that was considered, however it sounds like it was as positive as could be . And there was no way I was letting my daughter down tomorrow!   
Will keep you posted with our intros, thanks for all your suport x x
liveinhope, keep up the good work, it must be so amazing!
Someday, I remember that feeling, not so much with regards to me, more with dh, what will he come out with next?   Fortunately we had a great sw who really got us, am sure you will be fine. I found homestudy quite enjoyable really   
MrsYg, not long now, really hope it goes smoothly for you x


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## AoC

Oh phew, MITM, talk about tense!  I'm so glad it's worked out and have a WONDERFUL time tomorrow!  

Thanks Popsi, yes, it helped hugely.  Back on track now!  And yay for hopefully finishing assessment for #2!  

*waving*


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## panorama

MITM - enjoy tomorrow!!! So exciting! We actually at last minute had to meet our son and the next day he had final intros with BP's as they had not managed to get a hold of them the week before. To say I was infuriated was an understatement but all was good in the end   We also met the BP's the day before we took him home. It will be a very emotional day tomorrow but I know it will be just wonderful and how lovely your daughter counting down sleeps   


p xx


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## skyblu

Wow MITM, that was a close one 
So pleased that you are meeting lo tomorrow and things were not postponed.
Have fun tomorrow and enjoy every minute of it, you are going to be a MUMMY how exciting.

Skyblu.xxx


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## Poppets Mammy

Blimmey MIM, I cant believe you and your LO's were put through that   I totally agree with you that although final contact with BF is important it should most certainly be over and done with before intro's work starts. How inconsiderate of them to do that the day before you meet your LO's, that could of really upset and confused them. Thankfully it sounds like they took it in their stride and didnt really acknowledge what was happening, which is a shame for the BF (If they had accessed final contact before now they may of had a better expereience with their LO's), but a positive for you guys. The intro work done so far by the FC seems to be so solid that they are so excited about meeting their new forever parents they prob didnt even think twice about their visit yesterday.
Thinking of you today, Im sure it will go smoothly and you'll be filling us with positive feelings and hopes through stories of your wonderful 1st day  

Panorama, I cant believe you experienced the same thing during your intro's, I find it hard to believe that the childs SW would think that mixing final contact and intro's with forever families together is a good idea and in the childs best intrests! I sympathise with BF and understand they may not accept the adoption is happening at 1st, but once a match is found they should be given a last chance to have final contact, if they dont turn up then thats their loss (sad but it should be as clear cut as that). Luckily that little hick up never caused a prob with your LO either.

Completely unrealted and random, but I was reading about chinese birth years last night. Its worth a look at, just for a laugh. Was reading the personality descriptions out for me and DH and they were spot on. Theres a bit about which signs are compatible and what 2012 brings for us. Just a bit of fun  

Xx


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All,

I have often popped on here while waiting for the process itself to get started properly to cheer myself up that we will get there, and I used to use the IVF board a lot during my treatment. 

I am just wondering what your dealings with your social worker have been?

DH and I are currently going through the HS after an initial application in June 2010, I feel we have been very patient only rocking the boat once when everyone else in our prep group had been assigned a social worker and we hadn't, so we sent an email pushing it (on advice of our link worker) so that we too were assigned one. Our social worker is really nice, but very disorganised. We have been having meetings since early November, and SW turns up, takes 45 mins to work out what we need to cover, and then spends the next 45 mins to an hour covering that topic and then goes. We have had 8 meetings so far, with 2 more booked in and there are still 7 topics to cover, so more meetings will be necessary. Am I expecting too much for SW to turn up with a plan of action? I hope I have gee'd SW up a bit by asking for a list of the topics remaining and asking to make the sessions last a bit longer, but we will see. Is anyone else dealing with this?

Also, we have a 3 bedroom house, we have been told the 3rd bedroom is too small for a child, but if I'd have had a baby it would have gone in there? So we only have the second bedroom as an option. It is about 10 by 14 and has a single bed in it at the moment, we have said we want two siblings who will obviously have to share. When I said to the SW last week that we would put a similar bed in the opposite corner, they said 'but they won't be able to open their drawers at the same time' (just the end ones, not all of them!). Is it me, or is that just a bit of a daft comment? They could open their end drawers at the same time just not all the way, and surely just because they are an adopted child, it doesn't mean that they can't learn to share space, toys etc. Obviously they will have their own things but this just seems OTT. I threw a paddy with husband and we have decided to get rid of the bed and get bunks instead but it just feels that they are trying to throw obstacles out there.

We are both people with experience of kids, happy to take on some special needs, have not said just babies, in fact it feels like we have hardly been fussy at all in our requests, but it just feels like we are dealing with people who expect the moon. Surely at the end of the day a stable loving home, that understands any issues they may come with, a warm bed, and enough food in their bellies is what these children really need? Or am I missing the point?

Sorry for the rant, I just really wanted to know whether anyone else had dealt with issues like this?

Arrows - 
Also, just want to say to you congratulations on the approval, we went through treatment at the same clinic at the same time and I have popped on here every now and then to see how your adoption process has gone.

Anyway, any advice very much appreciated.

Thanks

Bambinolove


----------



## GERTIE179

Wow MIM hope u have a great start after that worry x
Babinolove - others may tell you different but my experience has been so much more positive. I have high expectations in life generally and knew I had to lower them dealing with SSs (time constraints red tape etc) but I def don't think it is unreasonable for your SW to have a plan and keep relatively to it.

Ours gave us a mock form f so we could see the sections and what they wanted. She also set Homework for us so that we could use that for next meet or after so always knew if plan was on schedule or not. Naturally some bits take longer than others but our HS lasted in the main 4.5 months and about 8/9 meetings all in.

Is there someone you feel comfortable raising this with if they think this is logical / standard in your LA?

Please let us know how u get on
G. X


----------



## MrsYG

Hello *Bambinolove* and welcome to the board. I'm sorry you're having such a difficulttime with your SW, it sounds painful! Regarding the bedrooms I think that is absolute nonsense. Our 3rd room is about 7x8 with a cupbaord taking up some of that space and out SW saw it and said... great 2 spare rooms, you can take siblings. So a room the size of yours should not be a problem. In fact, with new houses these days, the 3rd room really is a box room, and SW don't go and check all Birth families when they hospital with their newborns do they!  So frustrating!!!
I think they do prefer siblings to have separate rooms, especially if they are different gender, but to say they wouldn't be able to open the drawers is ridiculous! If you hadn't invested so much time into the HS already, I'd be tempted to look for another agency.
Next time SW is coming, send an e mail or ring her to ask exactly what will be covered, tell her you want to prepare things as much as possible  this may make her organise herself too!
I know lots of people have problems with their SW, but fortunately we weren't one of them... our SW was fabulous! We had weekly meeting lasting usually 3 hours, I think we had about 8 sessions in all. Good Luck and I hope things improve for you.


----------



## AoC

I'm sorry you're having a tough time, Babinlove!  Our SW always books a couple of sessions ahead, and when she leaves she makes sure we know what will be covered next time.  She's give us a blank Form F and a set of worksheets which cover all the sessions.  Our VA has recently reduced the amount of homework they ask prospective adopters to do, so we don't have to fill the sheets in, just think about them and discuss our answers, them we work on them together when she comes. 

This Friday we're going to look at our lifestyle and how it will change.    (((((hugs)))))

I think you're perfectly entitled to ask what the next session will be about before she/he leaves this one.  

And frankly I think the room thing is nonsense!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi Bambinolove, welcome and  
I think your social worker needs to shake her head   What total rubbish about your rooms. Some social workers seem to get focused on the wrong things, she needs to take a step back and look at your assessment from a different perspective. I would of thought it would be prefereable for siblings to have their own room rather then putting them into one, especially when theres two avaiable. Focusing on the measurements of the rooms and whether draws can be opened at the same time is flippping   Its not as if your suggesting keeping them in a cupboard!!
Id deff bring up your concerns with her, suggest she's not looking at the bigger picture which is providing these kids with a stable loving permanent home where all their needs will be met, not faffing about on technicalities. Im sure these children just want their forever families, not waiting in limbo until some cloudy headed SW finds a perfectly huge room for them where they can open all their draws at the same time - because thats every childs dream   Its ridiculous!!!
Sorry for the rant but its stories like this that just infuriate me, why cant they just get on with it and get these kids into a loving permanent home, no wonder the press/government are going crazy over the waiting times for perspective adoptive parents/children in care.
Id suggest moving agencies, but seeing you've invested so much time into your HS already I suppose thats not an option. Could you possibly speak with your SW's superiour (in a non formal and friendly way) and suggest you and them sit down and discuss your concerns in regards to her lack of organisation and you feeling the process is being dragge out unnecesarily and certain 'issues' she is focusing on dont seem justified etc. It may be a case of her being over worked and needing an easy work load, or prehaps theres issues with her work anyway and she needs some closer supervising.
Hope what ever you do it works out for you and soon so your not waiting any longer     

MIM - How was it, we are dying to know?  

AFU - We have had notification that the reference forms have been sent to our referee's this week, so although our social worker is off sick, at least something is still happening to keep us moving.


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi everyone!
Its awesome! Its amazing! We have had the best day, some cuddles, some kisses and lots of "mummy come here" "daddy do this". We were so exhausted yesterday  but much more with it tonight. Its the scariest thing (exciting too ) meeting your children for the first time, hoping everything is right, my god it is sooooo right    Tomorrow is soft play and dinner, roll on tomorrow!
Sorry no personals, but a big hello to you all x x


----------



## bambinolove

Hi,


Thank you for the welcome and the advice.


I think the time is come for DH and I to start speaking up. We aren't normally people to sit back and take things (at work they think I am the bolshy one!   ) but I suppose we have been so afraid to rock the boat we haven't spoken up enough for ourselves. As one adopter who had been through the process said to us 'you are a valuable commodity to them, don't be afraid to speak up' its now time to take that advice. 


Roll on next week!   


MIM - congratulations and thank you for sharing. Stories like yours are just the thing to counteract what we are going through and keep us positive for the future.


----------



## skyblu

Bambinlove, welcome to FF and I can only echo what Can't wait has said.
I think the time has come for your SW to get a bit of a shake up, you go girl and tell her what ever you feel.
After all we are allways told to be honest with them 

MITM, I am so happy for you and dh, enjoy tomorrow.

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Arrows

MITM, yay!!!  I'm so excited for you!

Bambinolove, I'm so glad to see you on here -we went through so much together back then. You are NOT experiencing good practice in any way -take it from me based on my Mum as an SW, our personal experiences and those of others on here. She needs to get more organised! As for room sizes, we are also in a 3bed house -one spare double (11'5"x9'5")and a box room (10'10"x6'2"). We are planning on using the box room and had no problems from SW. What size is your smaller room??
Perhaps she has poor spacial awareness and can't see the size of the room for things that are already in there?
You can get all sorts of beds now including bunk beds where the beds are perpendicular to one another rather than the standard ones you normally see. I'd love to meet up -feel free to PM me!


----------



## racheypache13

Hi everyone,
I read this thread every day and love reading your experiences so thank you!
My husband and I are going to approval panel on Monday and after waiting so long I can't believe it is here! My husband is so laid back about it but I am sooooo nervous! Any words of wisdom?
So pleased for MITM sounds amazing!
Rachey


----------



## snapdragon

Bambinolove sounds like things are going quite slowly for you, our sw is always prepared, we have just had our last meeting, only 8 in total and thats with a change in sw after 4 meetings. We have a big wait until our panel at the end of July now due to the la being very busy.  You might end up at panel around the same time as us.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

Happy Friday.

MITM - I've had such a s*****y week and I saw your post and I had a little cry.....happy tears. So so happy for you. You must be on cloud nine. Enjoy every minute....you deserve this moment.

Hi to everyone else, tried to catch up but got a horrible headache after a horrible and stressful week at work. So apologies for lack of personals.

The day though has just brightened enormously as waiting on the door mat was a letter confirming our Prep course on the 18,19,25,26th June and they have moved the course closer to home so we don't have to book a hotel. I then looked closer at the post and saw a lovely think envelope from our LA and inside was our application form, medical form and notification that our SW is the lovely lady who came and did our initial visit!!!!! Lots of smiles this end. We need to fill in a couple of sections, get our ID documents together and phone her and she will come out and go through the other forms, take them away and get our application in and rolling!!!!!It now feels real. Have just had to order a copy of my Birth Certificate as lost it years ago at uni so have done that.

Anyway apologies for the me post but was bursting to tell someone 

I hope that you are all well and that this process isn't driving you too crazy, I have certainly felt like I was losing the plot this week but events have confirmed I was absolutely right to relinquish all responsibility.....you know when you realise that sometimes the old expression s**t floats really does apply to those who have climbed the greasy pole to promotion. This week it really has felt that those who can't teach become deputy heads etc!!!! I know they aren't all like that but blimey our place really does seem to have the monopoly on them 

Anyway rant over, thank you for listening and have a lovely weekend.

Greenie xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

P.S. Bambinolove, so sorry. Have just read your post and feel like an insensitive so and so with mine. Our SW initially promised certain things by a very clear date and then would say 'you'll hear when you hear' so I basically managed to get hold of the lady who is the administrator and she got the ball rolling. I said that we were more than happy to deal by email if more convenient and now I feel that we have that channel there should we need it. Really not sure if this helps but didn't want to read and run so to speak. Chin up and I really hope that they get their bottoms in gear. As your friend said, you are a valuable commodity. Take care x


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi all, just to say we are absoloutely loving introductions. I know we're only 3 days in, and it is tiring but truly amazing! Our prince and princess has made this journey so worthwhile, sorry to gush so much,  but it really is true x x


----------



## peacelily

Need a "like" button MITM


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi PL   

I agree!
It's so lovely to read isn't it   
Keep it coming MITM and hats off to you for having the energy during intros to fill us in on here   , myself and DH were like zombies for about 2 months!!!!   

Anj x


----------



## bambinolove

Hi!!!


Greeniebop, please don't think like that, celebrate all the milestones, they will get you through the slow bits or the stressy bits. Before long we will have sorted this SW out and we will be back on track. Thank you for the support though, it's really appreciated.


Snapdragon, there are always positives with every negative, end of July would suit me!   


Rachey, good luck for Monday   


Arrows, the smallest room is small, about 5.5ft by 8, I'd have put a baby in there, but both the link worker and the SW said the same so I guess they are set on that.


Skyblu, a bomb is about to be delivered, the bolshy one is about to rise to the challenge! Thank you.


Peacelily, a like button is a great idea! 


Have a lovely weekend everyone!


----------



## skyblu

MITM , Here's my like button   

Good luck on Monday Rachey

Bambinlove, so pleased you are feeling more positive ^hugme
AFU, we have been given a definite date for our panel, sorry but still keeping my  after all the bad luck we have had lately, but it wont be long. Excited and sh****g one self all at the sametime  

Have a great weekend ladies

Skyblu.xx


----------



## hawk26

Hi everyone,
MITM, I am so happy intros are going well. Positive outcomes like yours keep me going.
Skyblu, congrats on your panel date. Fingers firmly crossed for you.
Thanks so much for all your support for my work dilemma. Just typing it out made it so obvious what to do, am soooo grateful for this website. Went to see the Head on Tues to explain what I wanted to do and said I would come back on Friday for a decision. They have decided that I can job share my role 4 days a week   I am soooo relieved and pleased that I didn't even have to fight for it (although I was ready to, with lots of ammo!)
However, am now back to being frustrating waiting for SW to get in touch. It is now 3 weeks since I phoned to find out what was happening after returning initial forms 6 weeks earlier. I was told we had been assigned a SW but she was on annual leave. Think I might email if I can track down the address. 
Dreamt that I found cigarettes in DH's trousers last night (he gave up quite a while ago) and that meant our application was cancelled - not a good sign!!
Have to write a masters assignment this weekend so I am probably the only person glad it is still raining. Happy weekend everyone!
Hawk


----------



## Arrows

Hawk, you're not the only one working this weekend!  I've done 2 more assignments this morning (short ones) and need to get at least 3more done this weekend -I'm so shattered!


----------



## hawk26

Oh no Arrows, sounds rubbish! 
In that case, bring on the rain!! (Sorry those with LOs, bet it has been annoying)


----------



## bluebabe

Hi girls,  can I join?


As you can see from my signature we've been through a horrendous time.  Anyway to cut a very long story short, we were approved on 16th April recommended for two lo's, and yesterday our sw brought us reports of two siblings.  We didn't think it would happen so quick, got lots of reading to do but at the mo it seems right.


Hope everyone is ok and I look forward to getting to know u all xx


----------



## muminthemaking

HI Girls, intros continue to go well, am sooooo knackered today as didnt sleep too well last night. We're away from home for the next 2 nights and the next time we come home we will have our little prince and princess in tow (and foster careres,just for the day) so got a bit of tidying up to do tonight! Thanks for all your support x x


----------



## Dreams do come true

MITM                  so chuffed for you x


----------



## Poochie1111

Hey everyone   


I haven't had chance to come on here over the last week as I've been so busy at work. Just pooped when I get home. 


MINM - OMG!!!  I've just loved reading your updates.  I'm so glad everything is going well.  So exciting.  They'll be home with you before you know it!!!   


LiveinHome - Great to hear everything is going well with Mr Snuffles and he is settling well at home


Bambinolove - sorry you're not having an easy time of it.  I can't believe the comment about your small room.  We too have a box room and it's our intention to use that as the bedroom as well.  Our SW didn't seem to have an issue with it.  I agree that your SW should also be more prepared for your visits. It's worth having a chat now as it's clearly bothering you.  If it helps, ours used to give us some homework for the next session and then we would use that as the basis for what we worked through.  


Rachey - good luck for panel tomorrow    


Bluebase - welcome.  great to hear you've been matched so quickly.


AFM - well, we have two weeks until panel now.  I'm trying to keep myself so busy.  Just wanting to get that day out of the way then I can relax.


Hope everyone else is well. x


----------



## skyblu

Rachey, best of luck for panel today     

Skyblu.xx


----------



## flickJ

Good luck Rachey


----------



## AoC

Good luck Rachey!

Excuse the Completely Random Post, but I just wanted to say that one of the best things about adoption is being able to turn round and thumb my nose at my various inherited health issues and say, "HA!  You don't have the power to hurt my children through me!!!"

*makes rude gestures in general direction of endometriosis*

LOL!  It's a silly thought, but one I wanted to share....


----------



## racheypache13

Hi everyone, thank you for all your best wishes. We are APPROVED!!!! Yay!!!       
Feel so so happy!
xxx


----------



## MrsYG

Rachey - FAB news- Congratulations       got everything crossed for a quick match    x


----------



## panorama

Racheypachey - congrats!!!! Hope you get a quick match! 


AOC -    I think that with the fact that I am very short!    And my LO is extremely sporty - definitely would not have got that from me!! There are advantages......   


Hi everyone else, so glad to have a reprieve from the rain, been outside all day as LO was driving me crazy the last week!!   


p xx


----------



## bluebabe

Thanks for the welcome girls.  Aoc I agree with what u have said!  Contacted our sw today to let her know we were interested so just waiting for lo social worker to come round for visit.  Not really sure of what happens next tbh.  Doesn't seem real, don't think it will till we have lo's in our house xx


----------



## Poochie1111

Congratulations Rachey!!!  Fab news. Celebrations today for you


----------



## Mrs ABA

Woohoo Rachey and MITM!


DH and I are just starting out on the journey and we have the first interview Monday week.  Ladies - I am terrified!  Should I clean the house/not clean the house/make homemade biscuits/buy fresh coffee?  Also any tips on what to expect questions-wise?  Feel like I am going for a job interview but this one is important!


Any tips gratefully received.  V excited about starting out  


A
xx


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations Rachey   

Welcome Blue and Mrs ABA

Don't go mad on the cleaning and I wouldn't bother with the biscuits or coffee, I did all this and all she wanted was a black coffee 
It is nerve wrecking but once you start talking you soon relax, one bit of advice is to be honest.
Best of luck.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## oliver222

Congrats Rachey fantastic news.


----------



## racheypache13

Thanks everyone! Bit like a dream now, we need a letter with it on to convince ourselves it is really happening!


----------



## AoC

Congratulations, Rachey!  WELL DONE YOU!!!


----------



## E3021

Hi all, not been able to write for ages - sooo busy at work but keep having sneaky peeks to keep up with everyone's news.

*RacheyCongratulations on your panel result - I hope the next bit goes quickly for you.
[Blue and Mrs AbA/b] Welcome! You will find lots of information, support and advice on here.

Hello to all others - lovely to read about the introductions and good pieces of news that people keep having.
Skyblu - Am really hoping all goes well for you whenever you go to panel, after everything that you've been through I hope this time is your time. 

AFM - Our littlest LO got the adoption order in court last week so we are full steam ahead now. Been emailing our SW all day - back and forth with more and more info - they have so many reports to fill in poor things! They keep giving us a hoop and we keep jumping throughh  Anything that is required to bring our pickles home! In between all the real stuff, am day-dreaming about days at the park, swimming adventures and just lots and lots of cuddles!!!!  

All this just makes work stress pale into insignificance doesn't it? Certainly helping me keep perspective when things at work get complicated!*


----------



## E3021

Oops! Don't know how I managed to make it all go bold! Oh well, it's been a long day!


----------



## Anjelissa

Just a quick hi to everyone   
Nice to have some spring/early summer weather today hey!   

rachey........Huge Congratulations to you   , I hope you have a short wait to be matched with your lo/s   

AoC.........very good point re/inherited health issues! I'd never really though of that.
We don't have anything major but there is one thing that is very genetic and a high risk of being passed down in my family, so that's a really nice thought   
Btw, the feeling is mutual re/what you said in the other thread about my posts. I didn't want to reply in there incase it looked like we were hijacking the thread with our 'mutual admiration society!'  but your posts always either make me laugh or provoke thoughts. I think we have a similar sense of humour and way of looking at things    

Hi to all the newcomers and lots of luck    

Have a good week everyone, I hope the lovely weather sticks around!   

Anj x


----------



## Mrs ABA

E3 - how very exciting!


I met some adoptive families last week and really can't wait to start the process.


Does anyone know if VAs have a wait 1 year after treatment rule?  I am so over IVF!


What news Bluebabe?


A
x


----------



## swallowtail

Hiya,

With our VA they said 6 months was ok. 

x


----------



## AoC

I think it depends on your situation and your SW!  It never hurts to ask, I think, especially if you feel able to explain why you think you're ready.  

Thanks Anj!    Yes, I think you're right.  

*waving at everyone*


----------



## newmum

Hello everyone

Can I join this thread lease? I have been reading for a while now learning so much from all your experiences and I have met skyblu on another thread.

Myself and DH have our information evening tonight at LA and we have been given dates for the adoption preparation course.

I have had 2 failed IVF rounds and I feel its time to move on. I always knew I would adopt, I am adopted and so is my brother. I have another brother who has 2 adopted children and other family members who have adopted. I am actually in touch with a few of my blood family after 40 years (long story) So I feel I have a lot of my own experiences and plenty of love to give our children. I just hope we get through this long process and end up with our dreams, I think alot has changed since my Mum and Dad adopted me 40 years ago!!

Any advice and support would be great and I will help you guys as much as I can also

I am nervous about tonight because I am not sure what to expect??

nm2b x


----------



## MrsYG

WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! 
We are going to be a Mummy & Daddy.  Panel was an absolute breeze.  The members of the panel and chair were the same people who approved us, they remembered us, and the Chair said we had such an 'Outstanding Application'    WOW!  We were in there about 15 mins, and the questions were so easy to answer.... Why this child?  Well, he is absolutely gorgeous, straight forward, happy, contented and mischevious little boy.... who wouldn't want to be his Mummy Daddy?    They loved our book, and we got a UNANIMOUS yes.    We are over the moon.... and can't wait to meet him.  Intros provisionally to start on 14th..... OMG we have finally made it!        xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## liveinhope

Congrats Mrs YG - look forward to the wonderful times ahead


----------



## Anjelissa

Welcome nm2b   

Wow!  I think you will be the one giving all of us advice with all the first hand experience you have!   
I'm sure SS will snap you up! I'm not surprised you already have a date for a prep course, they're going to bite your arm off!   !

With regards to the info evening, there's nothing to be nervous about at all, it's a really informal affair and very interesting and enjoyable.
The only thing I would say is be prepared to hear a lot of 'worst case scenario' information as they really do want to make sure that only the people who are prepared for all eventualities are taken further through to assessment.
A lot of people find the info evening to be a bit negative but looking back I can see why it has to be that way as I'm sure some people don't realise quite how much is involved either with the assessment process or with regards to the care and needs of an adopted child. We had both carried out quite a lot of research prior to the info evening so nothing came as a shock really.
With all of your experience I'm sure you will also take both things in your stride and will be able process all of the information very easily.
As with most people who have either gained knowledge on adoption prior to the info evening through research (or have first hand experience such as yourself) we really enjoyed it and it just further confirmed what we already felt in that adoption was 100% for us.  
We came away feeling excited and eager to get started, I'm sure it will be the same for you.   

The SW's are usually available to chat for a while afterwards so if you have any further questions you can ask then.
There is also often a guest speaker (usually an adoptive parent). As you say, things have changed a lot over the years so like us you will most likely find that part of the evening really interesting. We got quite teary at times listening to her story. It was also really good at that stage to be able to ask questions of someone who had recently gone through the process to adopt themselves.   

Have a good time and lots of luck with your prep course.

Anj x


----------



## Anjelissa

HUGE Congratulations MrsYG, that's wonderful news!!!     
Not long now and your lo will be home with Mummy and Daddy   

Anj x

PS....myself and DH both got emotional when they asked us that question in our panel  (why this child?). We both felt like we loved him already and hadn't even met him yet!   .
I had to do the flappy hand thing (you know the one  ) infront of my face to try to stop myself crying! (why do we do that btw?   it just looks daft!  )
To us he already felt like our son and it was hard to answer that question without blubbing all over the 12 panel members!!     I just about managed it!


----------



## newmum

Congratulations MrsYG

Thanks Anj for your reply, I am not sure if they will bite our hands off? but I hope they do! we are currently waiting a date for our new house so don't have the accommodation for our new child or children until we move (I just wanted to get the ball rolling) and I am a bit worried that I was signed off from work with stress/anxiety for 2 weeks about 7 years when I had a life changing experience (the flat above me had a fire, causing me to loose all my personal belongings and move out for 11 months) I felt it was time to find my blood Mum at this time, I am not in touch with her now (one meeting was enough!!) but I am with her Father. I have a great Mum and Dad who can never be replaced. I have decided that I will be honest from the start and let them know! Other than that I don't think anything else should ruin our changes. Just hope it doesn't go against us.

The info evening sounds very intersting and I will prepare DH that it may be negative, I am looking forward to learning more about the whole adoption process. Also will have a think about any questions to ask, your reply has really helped

nm2b x


----------



## Anjelissa

OMG nm2b, that's awful re/the fire   
If anyone, let alone a sw, can't see how that would result in someone being signed off with stress for a while then there is something very wrong!  
Quite a few people on here have had the same worry ie/being signed off with stress/anxiety at some point in their past and have all gone on to be approved. I'd like to hope that after they hear the circumstances behind it they will totally understand and it wont count against you   

Little man stirring from nap so have to dash   

Anj x


----------



## flickJ

That's wonderful news, MrsYG, I'm so happy for you and your family   

Welcome Newmum2b, I hope all goes well tonight - as Anjelissa said, it is quite informal really, just getting to know you and learning about the process, you'll be fine, just be yourself


----------



## bluebabe

Sorry if I don't do any personals girls, can't keep up withw u all just yet!


I can imagine myself doing the hand flappy thing as well!


We have our sw, boys sw, and their community support worker coming for a visit on Friday.  Do u think they would want to see the bedrooms? Hope not. Have totally cleared one just needs painting but the other is still a tip, well I know what my job is tonight! Xx


----------



## newmum

Hi everyone

bluebabe I'm sorry I  can't answer your question, but at a guess they will see you are in progress so that should be ok. Good luck

The info evening went well, no shocks and I think it put DH mind at rest which is a great relief

nm2b x


----------



## bluebabe

Newmumtobe-  glad u enjoyed the info evening, we didn't go to one tbh we must of missed ours.  That's an awful thing you went thru and I am sure that any sw would be impressed with your resilience Hun.  I have had lots of time off work following miscarriages and operations and prob lots of depression mixed in.  It's part and parcel of the journey and they will see that and not judge you xx


----------



## E3021

CONGRATULATIONS Mrs YG!!!!!! So happy for you, so pleased to hear how lovely your panel experience was.

Hope you can sleep for the next few days and wishing you lots of joy and fun in the weeks to come with your beautiful LO!
xxx


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations MRS YG 

Newmum2b, Hi hun, Sorry I didn't realise you were going to the info meeting tonight, I would of given you the low down in last night msg.
But Anj gave you a good distribution, glad all went well and dh is more relaxed about things.
Do you know when you r starting the prep course?,that can also be very negative but is also very informative.
I agree with Anj about you having time off for the fire, you know about what I went through and if they have let me get this far then you will have no problems hun, it just shows how you handle things in a difficult and stressfull time and we all need a little help now and then. Don't let it worry you.

AoC, how's things going hun?

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## AnneS

Hi again,

I really am bad in keeping away for a week or more and than am shocked, that the thread has moved on more than 10 pages. Not sure why I am surprised, I am not expecting silence while I am away on holidays  .

But hence I have to go WAY back with my replies:

farmgirl: Welcome to the thread and thank you for your reply. What you pointed out is what I was worried about. I guess it depends on the individual SW/VA or LA how they see this. Which means I should just asked our SW straight out and put up with whatever rely I get. And also I will take into account what the need of the child(ren) might be. It just seems a shame to not be able to have DH look after them while he is on the part time contract, but we will see. We started last year May with a prep course, time went really fast to now, so good luck to you!!

Panorama: thanks for your comment re your DH looking after your LO quite a lot - as before, it will depend on views of our SW/VA and needs of child(ren), but I am keen on sharing child care if possible. Unfortunately I cannot work form home anymore as I moved my studio out and away - d'oh!

watakerfuffle Interesting comment about am/pm divided day care, glad your SW is supportive of this!
AoC - had to laugh at your decription of your worries, because that is hwo I am like, too. On my dark days. On my better days I can believe that adoption can work so well, that we will be a boring, normal family.  (your post 19.04.)

I think I stop here with personals because my last post is from such a long time ago and I had plenty replies with comments about my question ( shared / split child care between DH and I after initial 4 weeks settlign period).

Thanks again. We are onto our next worries - panel - ARGH!!

Will try catch up with reading the thread from page 62 to here 

Anne


----------



## AnneS

Me again!

Am reading my way through and cannot help wanting to reply to some posts!

p.64 - hawk26. I really understand your dilemma and feelings. I am in a similar situation and feel guilty that I cannot just step away and say: I will limit my career/job for the sake of my future family. Not sure how to resolve this yet, but just wanted to let you know that I feel similarly to you.

p.64 laura0308 - what a lovely answer, I am taking much hope from what you are saying. I know I want to stay at home for a year really, but I cannto wrench (?) myself away from my emmidiate situation/job quite yet. Mind you, not even at panel yet, so no rush qute yet ...

MrYG - reading your panic post on 23.04. - hope you have not gone mad   

p65 - aaa is a MUMMY - wow, love your post, I remeber you from AAA "only" days.   

still p65 - muminthemaking - huh, nearly cried on my keyboard there, thanks for sharing. What a roller coaster!

p.67 - bambinolove - am following your posts nad the answers and can only say   and go girl, speak up   . Our social worker took about 1-2 visits to figure us out and then went through the home study at a fair speed. I had the feeling the moment we showed that we were interested to move fast adn showe tht we invested our time and answered her queries, did our home work, she was willing to uped the speed and invst her time. But we benefitted from an experienced, intelligent SW who we got on with from the start. our friends had quite a different story, more like yours: disorgansied, slow, set in her way and critical of unimportant stuff. Quite infuriating.

p67- greeniebop - good to read a good, old, open rant!! it's not just me then   . Glad it seems to work out well for you.

p68 - skyblue - so please to read you got a panel date. Fingers, so so crossed for you!

p68 - bluebabe - welcome and how exciting to read your progress!! Congrats.

p69 - poochie - sounds like you are having similar timetable to us. Let us know how you get on.

p69 - rachey - reading your good news - congrats on approval!

AOC - re: rude gestures, hihi, I looked at my slightly crazy family and am quite relieved that no child of mine will inherit a portion of that ... (said with love, honestly!)

p.70 - Mrs ABA - don't panic. Would not bake or buy special coffee, our SW always toko one cup of (ordinary) tea, nothing extra and never snooped around the house until end of home study when she gave us 2 weeks warning that she would do a walk around the house for the health and safety check. Good luck!!

p.70 - E3021. Sounds like you are busy, hope all this legal stuff goes well and is soon sorted!!

Mrs ABA - our VA asked for 6 months break after last IVF, but also said we could come to meet them for a chat within that time and we were able to discuss start of prep course. The prep course they really did want to be 6 months minimum from last IVF.

p71 - I am catchign up!!!

p 71 - newmum2b - welcome. I am sure you find lots of support and info here. My sibling is adopted, but I never think of that and actually never mentioned it in our prep group. Some people will assume you know everything about adoption, but of course the process has changed a lot. Best of luck!! And I think you have nothing to worry about regarding the stressful period in your life. Usually things like that are seen by SW as useful because you did not just float through life on a pink cloud and therefore have experience with dealing with diffulties. This of course can be helpful for understanding your future child's (possible) difficulties. Sorry to sound like a lecture ...

MrYG - so pleased for you, am gulping back a  few tears for you. *sniff*

And a good point to stop - I have caught up!!! Phew.

We had lots of exchange with our SW for "a few last minute clarifications" and now feel a bit excited/worried/positive/over-prepared/emotional about our loomig panel day ...   

Anne


----------



## flickJ

Loved your post, AnneS,   

Well done for keeping up with all the news - it's amazing that in such a short time, there are so many new stories to be told, I know I get lost sometimes at all the news (good or bad)

Good luck to everyone on the journeys in front of you!


----------



## newmum

Thanks AnneS, gotta to say how good are you eith your personals! Fab. Yeah a lot has changed you are right and it all sounds as if its for the better.


----------



## bluebabe

Hi annes, I'm looking forward to getting to know u xx


----------



## bluebabe

And getting to know everyone! Xx


----------



## watakerfuffle

AnneS welcome back, grand job with all your personals!


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi all! 
Sorry no personals as such, just wanted to say congratulations MrsYg!
Its gone so well here that we can hardly believe it, I'm just catching up on my diary, and still have a couple of days to do so wont do a long post here, but just to say we are in awe at the fact that 10 days ago we were strangers to our children, yet the transition to being their parents has taken place so naturally. I know that must sound weird, but they really do feel like my babies now, and where they were going to their carers last week they are happier to come to dh and myself now. I'm sure this is to do with amount of playing we have done with them, and that they dont really understand whats been taking place, but it is just simply awesome! x


----------



## skyblu

AnneS well done on catching up.

AFU, we were supposed to go to panel soon, but things are going to be delayed again because there are a lot of children coming through our LA and they need the court dates for them and prospective adopters are being put back.(Don't get me wrong I totally agree that the lo's come first)
Also our SW was supposes to come this morning to go through our report but was rushed to hospital with a bad back last night and has been kept in, what she has done I don't know.
As much as I feel for her and wish her a speedy recovery this is the third cancellation in 3 weeks.
Feeling a little miffed and also we were told today that, even if we do get a yes from the panel we still have to wait until next January before we are matched, because dh has had to have no ziggy's for 12 months before they will even concider a match for us.
Saying all that the delay for panel shouldn't really matter, but we were just getting excited about it all again and things felt like they were finally moving on.
Sorry for the moan ladies, but feeling very very frustrated.
OH well onwards and upwards we go.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## AoC

Not bad, Sky, thank you!  And lots of (((((hugs))))) for you.  I'm sure the time will pass quicker than you think, and they'll be all ready and set for a match as soon as Jan rolls round.  Very frustrating for you, though.    Hang on in there, love.

I've got a mad weekend coming.  It's the Cockermouth Georgian Fair, so tonight I'm at an event in Georgian costume ( a very nice ball gown, with an underskirt patterned with foliage and birds of paradise, and an over dress in (pretend) dark blue silk heavy with black beading and applique.... which I made myself (with LOTS of help LOL!) out of a duvet cover and some curtain material...  *g*) then at a Georgian dance afterwards, then tomorrow we're dancing all day with our morris side, and 100 or so other morris dancers, who we're providing tea, coffee, cake and then a buffet for 150 in the evening.

Then on Sunday morning we're dancing in Keswick, too.

All this on a dodgy foot I've got to go and show the doctor this morning!  

I have booked my collapse for Monday...  *g*

*waving*


----------



## Maccer

Hi All, 


I don't usually post on this board as our journey has been quite a long one and didn't want to bore everyone with the details, some 'older' posters may remember me, we were put on hold for a while as my Dp had to be smoke free for a year.  I just wanted to let you know that we were finally approved at panel yesterday, it was an amazing feeling, even though we know we may have quite a wait ahead of us, it was a relief to get through panel, so to anyone that is on hold or if you feel like you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I just want to say keep your spirits up, you will get there and it is a amazing feeling when you finally do.  


Take care, 


Maccer x


----------



## galaxy girl

Congrats maccer!!! Thrilled for you !


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congratulations Maccer...lovely news.

I was hoping to pick your brains. We are in process of completing our application form and we've got to the 3 referees. 2 are sorted (we hope), sister in law as family referee and my best friend and her hubby but the 3rd referee is the one causing us a headache. We really want it to be DH's oldest friend but he has a police caution from when he was a teenager for being caught smoking weed. Do you think it will be a problem etc? I really don't want to ask him if it is going to be dragged up again for him by our SW as it was such a long time ago in his past and I'm presuming his wife knows but you know how these things are and they are such good friends I'd hate to see him put on the spot etc.

Anyway your thoughts or experiences would be greatly appreciated.

I hope this weekend is lovely for you all and the weather is kind.

MITM - I hope all is going well for you and your family

Greeniebop xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hello Ladies, again apologies for being MIA (I seem to be saying that more and more recently   )

Had a couple of weeks from hell with awful cases which are emotional draining, then weve had a berevement in the family as well so its been a very sad and busy time  

Ive just caught up on the last 7 pages and you have all cheered me up   I love reading how everyone is getting on, it really brings out some positive thinking and pushes all the negativity and stress out  

Anjelissa - Your post about the flapping hand thing made me laugh out loud, DH was looking at me with wonder at what I was laughing at so I gave him a summary of the post which he then decided to immitate, I laughed even more and nearly had a little accident   Hahahaha, I could really imagine you doing it and it just tickled me  

 CONGRATULATIONS   to Mrs YG and  Rachey

MIM - Loving how well intro's have gone for you, cant wait to be experiencing what you are, sounds fantastic  

 Hello to all the Newbies, lovely to have some new comers

Anne - Your personal post where fantastic, was impressed with the page referencing


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Computer posted my post before I was finished typing, atleast it didnt loose it

Anyway . . . 

Skyblu - So so sorry to hear youve been postponed again, I agree the LO's come first, but it still must be so frustrating. I sympathise with you   Cant believe they are happy to go to panel with you but still wont look for matches until Jan, especially over something so petty. They are loopy. Hope things start to look more positive for you    

Grenniebop - We had difficulties picking our third referee as well. As far as I am aware they only do background checks on people/couples you nominate as significant child careers (ie yours or DH's parents etc), they dont do background checks on referee's as they are only character references for yourselves. I hope that makes sense and helps  

Apologies for any spelling mistakes, the spell checker isnt working now and spelling is really not my strong point  

AFU - Our referee's have been filling out their references this week so atleast somethings are still happening and moving us forward while the social worker is off sick.

XxX


----------



## Poochie1111

Once again I leave the thread for a few days and so much has happened!!  Just a few personals so sorry if I miss anyone out.


Mrs YG - many congratulations on your panel news!!!  Yay!   


Skyblu - sorry to that it's going to be another 12 months before you are matched.  You must be so frustrated with the process.  And all for such a small thing. Grrr! I still think a 12 month delay for matching seems a bit extreme to me.   


Maccer - I remember you! Many congratulations on being approved at panel!!!


MinM - lovely to hear your update.  So glad to hear it's all going well.


Well, we have less than a week to go until panel.  I now have a mix of nerves and excitement all rolled into one.  I can't believe it's nearly here after so long of trying for our family. I just know that I'm going to be a nervous wreck on the day.  Any tips for potential questions they ask would be gratefully appreciated!! x


----------



## hawk26

Hi everyone,
I read everything but struggle to remember everybody when I eventually come on to write something.
Poochie, best of luck for panel.
Mrs YG and Maccer - great news, congratulations!
Sorry to those who are having a tough time or being delayed. 
AFU - we finally heard from our SW on Thursday and she is coming to see us on Friday. She said they had been waiting for a letter from DH about an old conviction for drink driving (not ideal but a long time ago and defintely wouldn't happen now). The only time we had heard of the letter was the very first phonecall we made when he was told he would have to write one at some stage or be interviewed about it.  But she said she would come and see us anyway although that will make or break our application. I completely understand why they have to look into it, it is just a shame that they don't communicate very well! I was so excited to hear from her but the conversation put a bit of a dampener on it as I felt we were being told off already. 
Have a great weekend everyone x


----------



## Arrows

Hi all. Sorry no personals as on phone. Saw profiles yesterday, all amazing. Picked out 3 to view CPRs but hearts leaning towards one in particular. Hearts pounding but praying and keeping fingers crossed.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Sending you lots of hugs Arrows and have everything crossed for you. Trust your gut x


----------



## liveinhope

I agree with Greenie, you will know if the child/ren are right for you by your instinct...


----------



## newmum

hi all

Hawk26.. What a shame, I hope the latest news doesn't hold you back

Poochie1111.. Good luck with panel, haven't been through it myself so not sure about questions. I would just say relax and try to be yourself as much as you can

cantwait.. Sorry to hear about your bereavement and. Glad things are moving for you with the references. 

hope you are all having a fab bank holiday, I'm off to my friends daughters birthday party this afternoon then back home via MIL and then I will cook a roast dinner for DH and SB's yum yum

nm2b x


----------



## someday

lots happening on here - all good to see people moving forward.

we are currently trying to do our homestudy homework! we have just done the employment part and now on identity - its hard isn't it. I just find it difficult trying to put things into words and saying what I mean! ah well it will be worth it!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hope it's all going well someday. We have spent the day filling in forms and my brain has now officially decided enough is enough. Hope you have all had a good weekend. Interesting article on the daily mail website about names causing issues!


----------



## Maccer

Hi All,

Thanks for the congratulations, we really appreciate it. 

Greeniebop - I doubt your DH's friends criminal recored would be an issue.  We weren't asked about anything like that about our referees, so it may not even come up.  Every la is different though.  

Poochie111 - Good luck for panel.  I wish I could help with the questions, but they mainly picked things from our PAR and poor DP got most of the questions directed at him as he has two daughters.  As our Social worker said, they will only ask you questions about yourself they don't try to trick you, so you should be great.

Hawk26 - I hope it all gets sorted out soon and you don't get delayed.

Someday - I loved talking about the topic, but hated having to write it all down.

Hello to everyone else I hope everyone has had a great Bank Holiday weekend.

Take care,

Maccer x


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## lolabelle1

Hello
We have just had our 3rd SW interview and have been told we should go to panel around September time, all things working out as they should.
Is there anyone in the South London/Surrey area who would like to meet up for coffee and a chat one day?
Look forward to hearing from you
Lola


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## AnneS

Hi all,

just back from our wee holiday - an extended bank holiday! Saw family and friends and am freshly topped up with well wishes and pep talks re adoption. 
Downside: found a list of e-mails as long a my arm in my work in-box ... but that is for tomorrow.

Am not even trying to do another epic personal   

Just to say: good to read your news. Wihing all people with delays and worries speedy progress and decisions.

Take care,

Anne


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## bluebabe

Hi ladies,


Just wanted to add a few bits.  The waiting for allocation, prep group and panel are so long, but once panel comes around the time seems to fly past.  One of my referees had a caution years ago and I asked our sw would that be ok, it was fine no problems.  The question sheet they sent out to the refs was very I depth and to be honest I had to help a couple of ours as it was quite hard to understand.  I Liase with social workers in my job and it was very much using their language.  Anyway good luck and I hope time passes quickly.


We had a meeting last Friday with our sw, the children's sw that we have been matched with and also their community support worker.  It went well, they updated the details from the CPR for us. And they showed us a DVD, my heart just melted but I was brave and didn't cry!  I did towards the end when I was explaining why we didnt show too much excitement as everything has always gone so bad in the past.  It feels so right this time.  I asked if we were the only couple matched for the children and they said yes as that LA doesn't do the competing couples thing, this was such a relief !  So onwards we go, got another meeting in two weeks with foster carers and if all goes well they should be home with us by end of July xx


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## Arrows

Fantastic news bluebabe!

We're still waiting to see the CPRs as our SW was going to find out/ get them back on Tues but is off sick. (really hoping this doesn't scupper our chances) We're leaning towards one of the profiles we saw but need to see the CPR to confirm our expectations of their needs. If all is as thought we'll put in our note of interest straight away. In our area they do make people compete to get linked. we put forward our interest, then they make a shortlist for interview. After they pick a link based on a scoring system to see who fits best. Once linked however there is no competition and you are the only focus.


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## MrsYG

Hello girls 

So much going on here at the moment - Fab!

Arrows - Great news, I hope your SW gets back to you very soon with the CPR!  Exciting, and fingers crossed you are No.1 on the list!   

Bluebabe - Hello and good luck with your match.  Hope the meeting goes well.   

Hello to Anne, Lolabelle, someday, nm2b, hawk26, can't wait, AoC,

Maccer - Congratulations on being approved    Hope your wait is a short one!

Greenie - I read that article too... what a loads of nonsense!  I cannot believe that person is a member of a Panel!  Some of the comments were ridiculous!

Poochie - Good Luck for Panel, you'll be fine.  There are no trick questions, and you'll usually get to see them before you go in.  They may pick up on things on your PAR, if anything sticks out... like strange working patterns, support network, changes in lifestyle, how long you intend to take off etc.. 

Skyblu - Sorry to hear your panel has been delayed, frustrating for you.  You never know about the waiting for a year thing... if they see your DH has kept away from cigs then if a good match comes up, they may contact you   

Sorry if I've missed anyone    its hard trying to keep up with everyone now!

AFU - we have our planning meeting in the morning to decide how Intros will go, how long each day etc... then we meet LO on Monday morning       We are so excited!  Got an updated picture of him yesterday, and he is so adorable...   

xx


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## bluebabe

Arrows-  I couldn't handle the competition aspect, but they will pick you anyway so don't worry.


Mrsyg wow your at the meeting stage now!  Good luck planning your intros xx


Our next meeting is in a couple of weeks cos sw has annual leave.  I know everyone deserves a break but it's frustrating! Xx


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi Everyone

Not been on this thread for a while now just been catching up. 

hope everyone is good? sorry for not making personal's there has been so much happening since i was last here but ive read through everything.

we've have been on day 1 of prep course today we really enjoyed it but found it very intense and tiring we're shattered now but looking forward to see what tomorrow will bring

 
Emma x


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## MrsYG

Emma - We found prep quite tiring too, in fact at the end of each day we were mentally exhausted!  But its a lot to take in.  Hope tomorrow goes well


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Mrsyg that's exactly how we feel tonight I'm watching a little tv to help switch off then it's off to bed. 

I'll post back tomorrow and let you know how it goes. 

Take care
Hugs
Emma xxx


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck for today Emma, we are on our prep course in 5 weeks so will be really interested to hear how you are getting on. Greeniebop x


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## Arrows

Having a GRRR day. Our older cat is missing -3 days now and very unlike her, and our SW still haven't returned to work so feeling concerned about the impact of a week long delay in responding about the child we like.


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## Poppets Mammy

Mrs YG - Sounds great, how lovely to have a photo of your LO  

Emma - Hi, Prep can be draining but I also have fond memories of ours, was so exciting and felt like we were moving forward. Enjoy  

Arrows - Oh no   hopefully she's just taken shelter from the rain in a neighbours garage of something and has become locked in. That happened to one of my mams cats before - she was fine and dandy once found, just starving! Can you not contact the agency and explain that you are keen to express and interest but were waiting for the CPR from your social worker who is now off sick and your worried you may miss out on this child. Hopefully the CPR your waiting for is sitting in a file on her desk and prehaps one of her colleugues can bring it round for you   Try not to worry, if this child is meant to be with you it will all work out one way or another - I have faith in that.

Hello everyone else  

When is this rain going to ease up


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## Poochie1111

Hi everyone

Sorry this is very much a me post. Just letting you know that we were successful at adoption panel this morning and they have strongly recommended us for approval. We hear formally in two weeks. It was so nerve racking. There were 15 of them sat around a table - eek!  Cried buckets afterward  Can't bellieve it's over!  Xx


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## Poppets Mammy

*Congratulations Poochie*​


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## AoC

YAAAAAAAAAAY Poochie!!!  Hope you don't mind, but I'm relieved you cried... I think I'm probably going to do the same!  (((hugs))) and congratulations!!!


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## bluebabe

Poochie well done! Xx


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## lolabelle1

Congratulations Poochie! You must be relieved. Now the exciting bit can begin! Woohoo! x


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## muminthemaking

Congratulations Poochie!
I'm still around and reading but to be honest have been pretty knackered and unable to reply!
Its been a week since we brought prince and princess home and its been great though exhausting   The children have settled in well, our prince has been quite clingy to me for the past few days, needing to be held by me when dh isnt around but fine when he is around. I am sure this is very normal, and that he is realising the changes that have taken place, I cannot even imagine what is going through their little heads.
Our princess has been testing the boundaries, and we've had to be quite firm with her at times, which isnt fun but in the long run will be of benefit to her and her brother. She seems to recover very quickly, and is happy to give and receive hugs and kisses, in fact they are both quite tactile which is really nice. 
This week we've been to the park 3 times, swimming once and to the beach. It was really nice to see our princess running freely on the beach, stopping to pick up shells and stones. Some great moments already shared   
I dont think anything quite prepares you for how intense and exhausting the first few weeks are, introductions completely knocked me for six and the first 3 days home I was really run down, with the sunday being the worst day meaning all I could do was take prince to bed with me (he wasnt too good either) and just try to rest. I didnt take any vitamin C, I've read somewhere that prior to intros its a good idea, and I can now see why!    
All in all, we're both very happy, the kids seem happy and even the cat has taken the changes well! 
Theres lots been happening here so I wont try to do personals tonight, but know I am thinking of you all x


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

congratulations poochie.

glad its going well muminthemaking your diaries have helped me so much wwith learning about the intro's we've also been learning about it on prep course today.

Well today was day 2 of prep only 1 more to go and today we really enjoyed it had some ups and downs like im sure most of you know from prep course they start you on some intense stuff that brings you down and affects your emotions ive been close to tears a few times today and then they end on a high with how introductions work etc.
looking forward to monday we get to meet adopters and foster carers so that should be good

we're both shattered tonight sso looking forward to a weekend of not doing alot.

take care everyone xxx


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## skyblu

Poochi         well done, i bet you are relived it is all over 

Our panel date has been cancelled again as our sw is off sick and don't know when she is back   getting fed up now.

muminthemaking, so pleased you lo's have settled in well. 

Skyblu.xx


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## nutmeg

I joined this thread a while ago and then forgot to come back! So this time I will try and keep up to date with everyone's news, promise!
There seems to be loads going on so will try and check back and see everyone's updates daily.

We're enjoying HS at the moment, our sw'r is great and envisages us going to panel in September, eeeeeeek already so exciting. We've had one post course meeting for re-introductions and 3 full sessions with him. Our next is on Weds and then we'll be having a month off as we're going away for a fortnight.


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## MrsYG

Poochie- WOOHOO.... congratulations!        

MITM - So lovely to hear about your experience, and glad your LO's have settled so well.  Just off to Tesco now to buy Vit C ready for Monday!   

I had a lovely final day at work, and received lots of presents for LO.  I was so touched by everyones kindness, and had lots of lovely supportive messages.  To everyone still on HS, Prep, or waiting... hang in there, its worth it


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## bluebabe

Good luck for tomorrow Mrsyg. Xx


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## racheypache13

Congratulations, Poochie! Great feeling isn't it?


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## Mrs ABA

Wayhay Poochie!  Fabulous news.     


Thanks Mitm for your thoughts about the first days - really exciting!


We have our first meeting on Monday - will buy biccies tomorrow.


A
x


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## Poochie1111

Thank you everyone for your kind messages!!  I've had such a smile on my face since Friday.    It's just such a huge relief.  I know we've got a wait ahead but at least it's just a case of 'when' now.


Mrs YG - good luck for tomorrow.  Glad you had  such a lovely last day at work and were spoilt.


Skyblu - so sorry you're getting messed around.  You're not having the best time of it.  Hope your SW is back on her feet soon so you can get moving   


Emma - glad you're enjoying the prep course.  I got a lot out of it.  It's quite intense and exhausting and I remember crying at one point after quite a moving passage was read out. 


MinM - lovely to hear how it's going.  It's sounds like you're a natural mum!! 


Arrows - has your cat turned up yet?     Hopefully she's just locked in a neighbours garage and she will turn up soon.


----------



## Arrows

Poochie, huge congratulations on Approval -it's a big relief, though it took a while to sink in for us!
My friend who's adopted joked that I was officially pregnant after the approval as you know you are definitely getting a child, you just don't know when or what age -then another friend agree and said it was even better cause I could still get p*ssed and didn't have to squeeze a melon out of my vagina!
She made me laugh. 

No sign of Pepsi at all. We've now got posters up and Nutmeg our other cat is being super-demanding and cute in the meantime so taking solace in that and remaining nice and distracted focusing on coursework and waiting for the CPRs to read. We meet with our SW on Friday to look at them, though we've told her how we feel at the moment about liking one over the others.


----------



## nutmeg

Good luck for tomorrow Mrs YG - I'm sure everything will be perfect   

Arrows, hope Pepsi turns up soon


----------



## Mrs ABA

Arrows - hope your cat has turned up!  My neighbours lost theirs for a week last month but she was found because of a poster.  She'd been hanging out in the next street.


Anyway, just had our first meeting with VA - SW went through the whole house so glad we did have a spring clean - and she says she will be recommending us for the prep course.  Can't wait - is now starting to feel real!    


A
x


----------



## MrsYG

Hello ladies, just a quick one tonight to update after meeting with our LO today...
We had an amazing first day with our son   as soon as we arrived, he saw us and smiled then went straight to his 'talking album' and the laminated A4 picture of us.  Picked up the picture, looked at us, looked back at the picture and beamed a huge smile.   amazing!  Within minutes he was happy to let us play with him on the floor, and wanted Daddy to pick him up.  The poor little boy is teething and full of a chest infection, so was a bit cranky when he got tired.  He had a nap at 11am and we went for lunch.  When we returned he was having his lunch, and was happy to let Mummy & Daddy feed him.  He was a big boy and ate most of his lunch despite feeling under the weather.  Mummy had the pleasure of a dirty nappy after lunch,  and he was as good as gold whilst I fumbled with the nappy, wipes and clothing!  We had lots of playtime and took lots of pictures.  It was difficult at times with the other children there, but only 3 more days as we get him home and can completely focus on him 100%!  The SW's and FC were over the moon with our progress today, especially considering he was poorly.  It was so difficult to leave him today and can't wait to get back there tomorrow.    We couldn't have asked for a more perfect day, and we're both completely besotted with him ♥ ♥ xxxxx
Will try to catch up later this week, but stick at it everyone.... it is REALLY worth it! xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

MrsYG it sounds magical and the perfect day     Although even better when your little man is all better, poor chap!  But you sound on cloud 9 and deserve to be, so very happy for you!  Makes the fight worth it a million times over.  Enjoy tomorrow! xxxxx


----------



## Cornflower

This is such a sweet story Mrs YG, thanks for sharing it and congratulations. Particularly like the bit about him realising that the pics of you that he'd been looking at had come alive! Best of luck for the rest of intro's.....


----------



## Arrows

Fantastic news Mrs YG.


----------



## oliver222

Mrs YG thats lovely. Glad intros going so well.

Got phonecall yesterday and first SW visit on Monday. Feels good to keep ticking things of list. Info evening done. Prep group done and after Monday hopefully will be soon getting started with HS.


----------



## nutmeg

Mrs YG, the days sounds like it went brilliantly, just a lovely image I have in my head now. Hope tomorrow is as positive.
Good luck for Monday Oliver.

We have our 4th meeting with sw'r tomorrow and really looking forward to it


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hello Ladies  

I hope your all well, I'm full of flu   Achooooooooo!!

Arrows - I hope your posters help find your cat, or give you some answers on whats happened/where she is  

MrsYG - Wow, your 1st day with your LO sounds amazing. How cute that he recognised you from your photos - It sounds like the Intro work that SS and FC do before we meet our LO's really does work. Hope it continues to go well and he's feeling better soon. You will have to think of a screen name for him   He'll be home before you know it. I winced at the dirty nappy bit, I work with new Born's so dirty nappies are nothing new - but the idea of a large dirty nappy on a toddler sounds messy! I hope we get a LO thats toilet training   

MIM - How are things?

AOC - How's HS going assessment buddy?

Oliver - Sounds like things are moving well for you  

Sky blu -   

AFU - Social worker is back off the sick   He's coming round on Fri and again next Thurs, so we are picking up where we left off and moving forward again.
On another note DH and I were looking in the baby/toddler aisle in the supermarket the other day - It was a milestone as its the first time we've jointly looked at stuff (Ive always windowed/website shopped - tee hee)

Little question?!? I go on BMP as much as here really, not a member as yet. I like to read the new profiles and see the old ones dissapear (I like to think they've found their forever families and thats why their profile has been removed). I haven't let myself get too interested in them as SW said not to until we are approved . . . HOWEVER we found a little boy on their months ago - Sounded perfect. After a while his profile dissapeared and that was that, but now he's back with a new photo and description. I'm assuming a match fell through for what ever reason but I'm getting a 'gut feeling' about this little boy. Do I approach this with the SW We aren't due to go to panel till about Sept ish and he'll prob tell us to put it out our mind, but what if he doesn't? Should I shouldn't I?? I don't know   Ive got a right fantasy running through my head about how he is meant to be with us, and his profile seems perfect on the surface but then has an issue in the CPR which is putting the other couples off persuing him, but its actually not an issue for us etc etc.   Its the first time Ive let myself get all carried away and excited in ages and it will prob not lead to anything, but its a bit fun to keep us going isn't it.


----------



## bluebabe

Mrs yg- what a perfect start, it's what we are all dreaming of now.  Did you have to make the talking album?  I have bought a tomy one it's in the shape of a butterfly.  Good luck for tomorrow xx


----------



## liveinhope

I would fully recommend the talking photo albums. We had a similar experience as Mrs YG, our LO recognised us straight away.  So glad its going well for you Mrs YG, hope that continues

AFM - Snuffles has been home 6 weeks and it seems like he's been here forever!!


----------



## Arrows

Can't wait -It's good to have an idea but he will almost certainly tell you to wait. Those who are cleared will definitely take priority over you (sorry to say) and if he's that great he's likely to be adopted before you are approved. Another issue is that they usuallly get you to sign a disclaimer saying you will ONLY look at children in their area for the first 3mths before going national, so you'd be looking at Dec/Jan before you'd be able to apply for his CPR.
As horrible as it sounds, you're really going to have to put him out of your mind until you are at least approved.
Hugs -I know it's hard -we've looked since being approved and liked the look of one child on there but we've always been really strict with ourselves and treated it as an exercise only in looking at what we will/ won't accept and an activity for reading between the lines and working out what they's deliberately not saying!!

AFU, our cat is still missing but going to put flyers through doors tomorrow. Our SW being off sick most of last week has meant although we spoke to her friday last week and arranged to look at CPRs this Friday, she has emailed us today to say she won't have all the information we need by then so no point, however she didn't suggest a date she would have info by or suggest when we were postponing till! I'm feeling very, very frustrated!


----------



## Anjelissa

Just a quick one.....

Arrows.....I'm so sorry to hear your cat is still missing  , I hope she turns up soon, I know how awful that is. One of mine went missing a few years ago and we truly thought we'd never see her again as like you we had also put out flyers, knocked on doors, checked with vets etc with no luck.
One day (about 2 weeks later) she just jumped in through the window loudly announcing her arrival   , no worse for wear except being quite dusty and very hungry (I don't know what she would have found to eat all that time!).
We presume she had managed to get herself shut in somewhere. She went on to live to the amazing age of 21!
I really hope that your little Pepsi finds her way home soon too   

Love Angie x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi,

Mrs YG, your post left me beaming. What a little cutie-pie you have. Wishing you all the very best x

Arrows, hope you cat finds her way home soon x

SW came and collected our application? Form, health forms, CRB forms etc. She was very matter of fact today and tutted when I said I had a certified copy of my birth certificate as had lost original at uni...felt like my mum was telling me off  she said once we have done prep course next month, we should start HS within a couple of weeks...woo hoo. 

Anyway, I hope you are all keeping well, nearly time for the apprentice

Xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi, 

Lots happening...I always read the updates but forget names so find it hard to do personals, although when I have more time I will make notes and do a whole page of them 

I remember this one: MrsYG: Sounds amazing, enjoy your new bubba, he sounds amazing x x

Can'twait: You sound just like me...it's like reading my posts when you post! I always look on BMP - it keeps me focussed and I have fallen in love with so many children, I always show DH and I fantasise but really deep down I hope they find forever families before we're approved...if they are still waiting when we we're ready then who knows  And I am an obsessive for window/website shopping, i have been for 6 years and I cannot wait for the day when I can go in to a shop and buy something for my child/ren       

We start prep on Friday, I'm feelig anxious but very excited to relly start the ball rolling, anyone else starting prep in the west midlands on Friday?

Good luck to everyone, where ever in the process you are and congratulations to eveyone that's had good news/made progress, thinking of you all. 

In the meantime remember...good things come to those who wait , and I'm sure that good will come to all of us


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Arrows - Thanks for your post, Im back from cookoo land and given my head a shake   Dont know what was going on the other day but I just got myself all wound up and excited. Its funny coz family and friends around us keep making comments about how frustrating all the waiting is and how we must be going stir crazy etc. DH and I just look at each other and laugh and explain how we are fine, relaxed and feeling patient. Going through adoption process is much easier than FT and how much happier and relaxed we are etc. I must of just tapped into all that supressed impatients and anticipation and imploded  

Greeniebop - Whats your social worker like tutting at you   Well I tut her!!  

Cantwaittobeamommy - Your post made me giggle. We've got such similar screen names as well! I find BMP very useful and like to pop on to check on the children and give myself ""realistic"" ideas of the children who need homes. Theres so many lovely children on their I find it quite positive. Ive always been a website shopper, Im obsessed with lists and plans   Its not as easy to plan for an adopted child though seeing we dont know age, sex, personality until we are matched. Was much easier to plan for an unborn when TTC - Hahaha


----------



## Poochie1111

Hey everyone.  I've just come back from an amazing few days in Venice.  Somewhere I've always wanted to go but put off because of the cost, so we thought if we don't do it now, then we won't be able to go for a long while.  The grim weather is enough to bring anyone back to reality with a bump.


Mrs YG - it was lovely to come back and read about your first day - it sounded perfect.  That must have been such a special moment when when your lo recognised you both.


Arrows - i'm so sorry Pepsi hasn't turned up yet.    I hope the posters will help.


CwtbaM - good luck for the prep course tomorrow


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Ooh poochie. We are thinking about Venice. It's somewhere we've always wanted to go to. I'm guessing it was definitely worth visiting?! X


----------



## Poochie1111

Hi Greenie - yes, it was awesome! Make sure you go!!!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Oliver - Good luck with your first social worker visit! How did the prep course go? 

Liveinhope - Sounds like Snuffles is doing well, I can't wait to be where you are  Enjoy every moment x

Arrows - I hope your cat comes home soon! My friends cat has just been reunited with her mommy after 3 weeks, fingers crossed she finds her way back to you very soon x

Anjelissa - 21 years old, that's amazing! I have 3 cats, 15 yrs, 13yrs and 5yrs and they are my three little princesses, They are my furbabies (children) and I love them so so much 

Can'twait - I'm obsessed...the other day I went to buy a gift from Toys'r'us for my friends little boy and for the first time ever I wandered in to babies'r'us and stood there thinking I could buy this, this and this - luckily I talked myself out of it. Window and web shopping for now...it's painful though! Of course I could just buy lots of different items....boys, girls, all ages ...no I really do need to wait. I agree with you about FT, I have never felt so positive, of course I still worry but it feels a WHOLE weight off my shoulders, I finally feel like me and my DH are going through this journey together, and that this is the path we were meant to take 

Poochie - thank you  Glad you had a lovely holiday! I hope you're feeling lovely and relaxed.

AFU - prep tomorrow...eeeeeeeek! I hope I meeet some lovely people that we go get to know...not really sure what to expect, I guess we'll know soon. 

As always good luck everyone xxx


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi all!
Cantwaittobeamummy- how was your first day of prep?

Poochie - we have also been to venice and it was awesome, its such a beautiful city and one that everyone should visit at least once in their lifetime! For me I just love people watching  and there are some awesome piazzas to do that whilst enjoying a nice glass of wine and a big bowl of pasta    those were the days ... just kidding!

Greenie - not long til prep, it sound slike your agency are on the ball with regards to getting things rolling for the crb etc..

Hi Cant wait, sounds like you're really enjoying the process, enjoy having your dreams too it feels so good knowing that your dream to have a family is achievable now after such long roads to get there x

Hi Anjelissa, hope things are well for you and Nemo

Arrows- any news on your missing cat? 

Liveinhope - all sounds good for you, 6 weeks in, what kind of things have you been getting up to?

Hi bluebabe, nutmeg, oliver, cornflower and lolly!

MrsYg - You must have your hands very full right now! Your first day of intros sounds perfect, we used the tomy album too which the children both loved, though looking at it now is very cringeworthy! lol, please update us when you get a chance, congratulations x x

AFU - its 2 weeks now since we brought our prince and princess home, I didnt realise just how tense the first week was, even between me and dh which is very unlike us as we seldom have a cross word, but I think the intensity and tiredness of it all caught up with us and we found ourselves barely agreeing    However this week has been far better, think we're all adapting well to the changes and dh and I remembering we need kisses and cuddles with each other too, not only with prince and princess. We've done quite alot this week, so been making sure we have quiet time too which is just us at home, in the garden or colouring or playing with toys. we've done alot of spending too! 

Anyway, we wouldnt change a thing, yes its hard in terms of long days and some times we have challenging behaviour as they try to suss out the boundaries but its amazing too, we love bath time, family dinners around the table and plenty of snuggles! Our home is finally full of the poohy nappies, mountains of laundry, toys, toys and more toys and lots of laughter and giggles    The sounds of my babies laughing is amazing!

Right this has been quite long, will try to update diary when little ones in bed, they're just waking from a nap, think princess may be coming down with chickenpox, just in time for the good weather we are expecting next week! oh well, get it over and done with!
x x


----------



## AnneS

Hi ladies,

So much going on here - so much good news!

Poochie - congratulations. I only hope you had a little typo in your posting abotu your panel, surely there were not 15 people there?? Just 5 ?? I would have fainted facing 15 people!!!

muminthemaking - so lovely to read your story!
Mrs YG - how nice to read about your first face to face meeting with your LO!

Sorry, no more personals, just a BIG hello  to everyone here.

***Newsflash*** Dh and I have had our panel meeting ("only" 6 people, Poochie!  ) and it went really well. We were a little nervous, but our SW had given us a nice pep talk and we felt quite alright. Panel members were very kind as well and we only had to wait for 15 minutes and then our SW was allowed to tell us (unofficially) that we had passed and would be recommended to be accepted as adopters. We just received the official letter and that is us on the waiting game again!

Which brings me to a question: is there a group of parents and adopted children that meets in Edinburgh or the Midlothians? I would love to meet with some likeminded people. Luckily I will be meeting with a lovely lady I met here and who has adopted herself.  but two poeple does not make a support group  .

Take care everyone.

Anne


----------



## bluebabe

Congratulations Anne, you were lucky only six on your panel we had 15! Sorry cant help with support group bit far for me to travel from Liverpool! Xx


Muminthemaking- wow what a whirlwind these past two weeks have been for you, love seeing your updates and knowing that will be me in a few weeks xx


Hi everyone hope you are all ok.  I'm so stressed out at the moment, just can't help but feel frustrated at the delay in meeting our lo's,  hopefully they will be with us end of July but why make us and them wait so long.  I know there are meetings and stuff oh anyway.  We have our first meeting with fc on Friday so hopefully that will go well xx


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hello ladies and of course any gents amongst us!

I have my panel this week and oh my gosh I have been so busy recently I have not had time to think about it but now I am slightly panicking about how it will go!!

What would you say the appropriate attire is for panel, I don't want them to think I am to casual but also I am not the type to dress up so what's the happy medium

Hope your all well x


----------



## Poochie1111

Anne - congratulations on your panel news!! You were so lucky with just 6 there. Unfortunately it wasn't a typo and there were 15. I think there are normally about 10.  It was just blur of faces. 

Watakerfuffle - good luck for panel. We decided not to dress too formal ie no suits, or too casual ie no jeans /trainers. I ended up wearing what I would for work - trousers, smart/casual top and a cardi.


----------



## nutmeg

Congratulations on panel Anne and good lusk with yours watakerfuffle.
muminthemaking - you really need to change your username    glad all is going well, maybe all your dreams have now come true.
We have medicals today and hopefully when we come back off our hols our SW'r will have a better idea of what work we have left to do on our PAR.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congratulations on panel Anne.

Hope everyone is keeping well. Very exciting day today. We took the whole school 1300 kids to see the Olympic torch relay think I was more excited than the kids but it was such a lovely atmosphere. 

Anyway, I hope you are all enjoying this lovely sunshine. Good luck to those of you that have milestones this week.

Greeniebop x


----------



## laura0308

Hi All,

Sorry on so irregularly.  I do read but can't seem to find time to reply too often    .

MITM - I totally agree it is amazing but can't say I have ever felt so tired in the first few weeks and our quality couple time flew out the window but 6 weeks in and it's getting into a more even keel.  Wouldn't miss it for the world    

Anne - Well done     
Whata - Good luck at panel, dress relaxed as it will make you feel comfortable and most like your self.     

Cantwaittobeamummy- hope you enjoyed prep? Have to say we really found it good fun and helped things make sense for DH.

Blue - hope the time flies though I know the waiting is hellish    

Poochie - you must be on cloud nine, panel and Venice    . Definitely can't wait for our little Tornado to get a passport...

Greenie - Looking forward to torch entering our village on 8th June, think the whole village will shut down for the day   

Cant wait - you have the right frame of mind I'll keep my fingers crossed you have a quick journey    

Anjelissa - How's Nemo?

Arrows - any news on your missing cat? Our cat got locked on garage for few days, but you must be going crazy after this time.    

Liveinhope - you are at the same stage as us, how's it going?

MrsYg - Intros sound wonderful but just wait to you get them home, their laughter filling the house is priceless    .

Nutmeg - hope medicals went well   

AFU - well our little tornado is amazing, though he is living up to his moniker - folks say that he is a demon wrecker within 5 secs of a visit but they adore him, he does everything with such a love of live.  He smiles and belly laughs all day, dances to even the tunes of adverts or phones ringing.  Life will never be dull now he is in our life.  Can't imagine what we would do with out him now, he is such a part of us.  So as you have heard so many times before, it is worth all the horrible waiting...

Good luck to everyone.

L
XX


----------



## liveinhope

Its lovely to hear how people are getting on.  We are good.  Mr Snuffles is in a good routine.  He has a fantastic personality and he soon wins people round with his smile. Like Laura says, we wouldnt be without him for the world and it feels like he has been with us forever.


----------



## AnneS

Evening all. 
Just came on to see how you are all doing. Love reading the matching stories. 
Does anyone know about a adoption support or play group in Edinburgh or Midlothian? I asked in my last post, but thought it might be worth while to ask again.
Maybe I got the wrong idea and it is better not to "hide" amongst people with adopted children? I guess it would be good to join the real world? 
I moght go and have a wee look at the other board, isn't there one for parenting adopted children?


Take care.


Anne


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Waterkuffle - Hope Panel went well today?  

Laura and Liveinhope - Love hearing your updates on your LO's, such lovely stories - Thank you for sharing  

Anne - Sorry don't have an answer to your question but didn't want you to think I was ignoring you  

AFU - We've been doing some homework/research for our social worker tonight. Ive also signed myself up for some volunteering work in the children's centres to get some experience being around toddlers. The volunteering team were so lovely,welcoming and positive it was really nice. I'm going to an introduction session in June, need to do more background checks then ill get started. They said they'll arrange some sessions in our local area for the age group we are applying for so that I can get familiar with the groups and activities we will be likely to facilitate ourselves when we get a LO. Very kind and helpful of them. Looking forward to it.


----------



## oliver222

Can't Wait glad you have got some volunteering organised. I am really enjoying my volunteering. 
Social worker who came out today was very nice. Was there for around 2 hours and now just filling in official application and then wait for hs to start.

Quick question with regards to referees. We need to have two referee who know as well as a couple and with children. And then one relative each for a personal reference and then work. We have a good friend who will know as a couple. For second do you think we would be able to use my nephews girlfriend as we look after my great nephew lots (or would that be classed as relative as she is in a relationship with my nephew)
And then for relatives I am going to use my aunt for mine but dh does not have any close relatives with exception of his mum and stepdad and they dont see us with kids as none on his side. Would dh be able to use my sister as his do you think as she is obviously his sister in law and she has seen him round her kids and her grandson and is very close to him.
It is hard as he has no siblings etc and dont have lots of friends with kids.


----------



## Arrows

oliver, i'm sure he can use his mum -the reference is a lot about your relationship and character traits too. Ask your SW if unsure.

No sign of my cat at all and has been 2 weeks now. I don't think she's coming home. In a way, I'm grateful that she's not been found as I can imagine a lonely person taking her in and that my cat is bringing them lots of love and comfort. If that was the case, as much as I love her I could understand and accept it. In the meantime my kitten (though a year old now and huge!) is loving being a singleton and getting lots of attention. She's fairly demanding so getting lots of love from her. 

I am annoyed again and frustrated with our SW. Constant delays. I wish that our LA just picked out a good match for us and didn't make us compete. I'm hating this -delay after delay. After giving us a choice, we picked out 3 children to find out more about. We stated our interest in one in particular and after a week-long delay due to our SW being ill, she requested the CPRs. We booked in an appointment to view them but she canceled as they hadn't gotten back to her. I asked her how long it would take and she said possibly as long as a few weeks. and it's now been another week and heard nothing from her. I know this is nothing really but so frustrating as we really like this particular LO. 

The only possible advantage to this delay is being able to focus on my course -still manic but been doing well with getting things done. I've now completed 82/94 tasks that make up the course for the year. 


I swear lovely Ladies, that this is far more emotionally exhausting now with the promise of progress not happening, than the HS! Perhaps this is just exhaustion and painkillers talking?! Not feeling very well today after a sleepless night of bad period pain. My painkillers are very strong and feeling like a space cadet! I have just started the progesterone only pill with a view to getting an implant. Please Lord let me be one of those women who doesn't get a period for 3yrs whilst on it!!


----------



## Poochie1111

Arrows - just wanted to send big     your way.  I'm so sorry your cat hasn't turned up.  I too have a cat and would be so upset.


I swear you have to have the patience of a saint going through this process (and then bucket loads more).  I hope your SW is able to get back to you soon with some good news.


Laura & LiH -  lovely to hear your LOs are settling in well.


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all, just popping in to have a quick read through.
Not much time so just a couple of replies........

Can'twaittobeamommy........Yes, the vet was equally shocked at Fluffy being 21, she said she was the oldest cat they'd had there. I was only 16 when I got her (hence her name  , we just called her that whilst trying to think of a name as she was a long haired ball of fluff as a kitten and it just kind of stuck, suited her though). I was 37 when we lost her so I'm sure you can imagine how hard that was. A good old innings though, bless her   

muminthemaking and Laura......Nemo is fine, thanks for asking, and growing up sooooooo fast!!!  It's not long until he's 3, I'm not sure how that happened!!!  He starts pre-school in Sept (just 2 mornings a week to start with) and I'm sure he's going to love it. I think I may find it quite hard to start with though, but I know he'll be fine. I'd hate him to think I'm leaving him there and not coming back on that first day  . He'll no doubt be having such fun though that my worries will be for nothing   . We are going on our first family holiday in a few weeks time (to Cornwall) and we can't wait!  . He's currently on a nap so I'm trying to type 100mph, I'm sure you know how that is  . I hope you and your lo's are well    

Arrows.....You are probably right, little Pepsi is no doubt getting spoilt rotten by some little old lady who's feeding her salmon and chicken. I had a call once from a lady in my road (who got my number from Fluffy's collar disc) asking if I'd lost a cat? When I replied no, she said, well she's currently sitting on my Husbands lap whilst he works and we've just given her some chicken!!  (apparently she'd been doing that a few times a week!). My cats have always been my babies and I spoil them rotten, but she wasn't daft, if she's going to get extra treats somewhere else she'll take them too!!! She used to pop in there from time to time then come home for tea!! Not bad for a cat who was almost blind!
More hugs to you   , you've got a lot on your plate atm x

Hi everyone else   , I hope you're managing to get out in the lovely sunshine    

Love Angie x


----------



## MrsYG

Just a quick post to update you all about our LO.  Intros went very well and we finally got him home forever yesterday!    Sorry I can't do any personals... got loads to do whilst LO has his nap!
We had a wonderful first whole day at home.  LO has been an absolute diamond!  Smiling from the minute we collected him to the minute we put him to bed!  He loved his trip around Tesco in the trolley, charming everyone along the way!  He ate most of his lunch - not sure on tomatoes but he gave it a go   He slept for over an hour at lunchtime, then played in his paddling pool which he loved, did a few errands in the pushchair... he loves his streering wheel on the front and beeps the horn at every opportunity! haha!  We have hundreds of photos of him... he is so beautiful... I could not love him more if I had carried him, and given birth to him.  He is ALL ours now, and it feels like he has been here forever.  I am so proud to call him our son.
Good Luck to everyone who is at Prep, Panel, or Intros soon.... stick at it, it is so worth it... life can only be described as perfect right now      
MrsYG x


----------



## liveinhope

Great to hear YG!

As for us, we have been booked into panel for 27/9/12 to be approved again for Mr Snuffles baby brother (born in Dec 11).  Hopefully he will be home by Christmas!  What a christmas we're going to have xx


----------



## watakerfuffle

Whoo hooo got a yes at panel today. Stressful morning worrying about it all and had to wait what seemed like ages but fab fab news once they had decided. We got asked a few questions but easy ones to answer so all good. Now the wait for our little one but I am going to be a mum!!  

oh and btw I went for the cass/smart look and that worked for me, thanks for the messages of advice.


----------



## MrsYG

Watakerfuffle - congratulations         well done!  Hope you have a quick match! x
Liveinhope - How exciting!    Having two little ones in such a short space of time! Good luck for panel, but I suspect you won't need it !   
x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hello everyone 

AnneS - Woohoo! Congratulations on your successful panel, hopefully you'll be matched soon x

MITM - I hope the LOs are doing well, I'm sure you're having lots of family fun in the sunshine 

Bluebabe - the delay must be awful, but your LO will be with you in no time x

nutmeg - hope the medicals go well, where are you off on your jollydays?

Laura and Liveinhope - sounds like your LO's are doing great, your posts keep reminding me that it's all going to be worth it in the end!

Liveinhope - Great news about your panel day...you could be a mommy of two soon - fingers crossed for you xx

Can'twait - it's great that you've signed yourself up for some volunteer work, especially that you'll get experience of worknig with the age range you re applying to adopt. Good luck 

Oliver - can't help with the reference question, sorry. But I'm glad that your SW visit went well, hopefully your HS will be underway soon 

Arrows - Sorry that you're having problems with your SW, must be so frustrating as the process is so reliant on SWs! Hope you get matched with a LO perfect for you VERY soon. And I hope your cat turns up soon, don't give up hope xx

Anjelissa - So sad when our furbabies go to heaven, but as you say she had a good long life  It broke my heart when my childhood cat went 

MrsYG - Massive congratulations as becoming a forever mummy to your LO! He sounds like he's settling in well, and motherhood is obviously suiting you  Enjoy every moment x

Watakerfuffle - Woohoo! Congratulations  x

AFU - 2 day of prep today and it's going well, we are really enjoying it - everything feels like it's coming together now (in our minds). We'll be assigned a SW next week by the end of prep, and HS will begin which will be great. They have said that we're likely to go to panel by 18th January next year as they are strict on the 8 month to panel timescale  So hopeully our HS will be done by beginning of December, we have booked a holiday for the 8th of December as I'm sure we'll have earned ourselves a break - we're off to Goa which will be lovely 

As always, good luck to everyone whereever you are in the process xx


----------



## bluebabe

Just wanted to say how happy I am to have joined this thread, there is such positivity here I love it xx


----------



## nutmeg

We're off to Skiathos Cantwait.......    and I'm now logging off for a fortnight. It will take me ages to catch up when I get back! But good luck to all and will be looking forward to reading the updates


----------



## Dreams do come true

Lucky you! Enjoy x


----------



## Curly1511

Hi Ladies


Im sorry for crashing your thread! My DP and I are thinking about starting a new road of Adoption after being on the IVF roller coaster for a very long time!!


I was wondering if there is a thread or a good website that gives you all the information and process of adoption within the UK? We are really dont know much about it and what you do hear is sometimes very conflicting. 


If you have any suggestions of where to start i would really appreciate it.


Thanks so much in advance


Curly x


----------



## MrsYG

Hi Curly, I remember you from the SA thread.  I too went to CFC.  I'm sorry to hear about your mc   Its heartbreaking isn't it.   
I am just about to go out, but I will PM you later.  You can get lots of information from adoptionUK website, but if you go on the adopters thread and read all the negative posts - do not let it put you off.  That website is great for those that need support, but there are lots of adoption stories that work out fabulously... but those people are happily getting on with their lives, so they don't feel the need to post.
We just got our LO home, he is 15 months, and the most adorable, happy, beautiful little boy we could ever wish for.
xx


----------



## Curly1511

Hi MrsYG! Congratulations on your adoption of your lovely son! That's such fantastic and encouraging news! It gives me hope that some day soon i may become a Mum and have a family of our own   . Thanks for the reply, really appreciate it. Ill go look at the website.


Thanks again


Curly xx


----------



## bluebabe

Hi curly,  we were lucky enough to have friends who had gone with a local authority with good success so we went with them, have you contacted your LA? Xx


----------



## Mrs ABA

Well done Watakafuffle          fabulous news!


MrsYG - how nice to hear your update.  Gives us all hope.


Sorry about your cat, Arrows - my childhood cat disappeared and returned several years later.  We couldn't believe it - no idea where she had been all that time.  Hope yours turns up earlier than that!


Oliver222 - good luck to you - we seem to be at the same stage.


We had our first interview last week and the VA is taking us on.  Lots of forms to fill in this weekend - can't wait to start - was so excited I danced round the flat!


love


A
x


----------



## watakerfuffle

Thanks everyone, I have already checked my emails like 20 times today in the hope there is news from sw on a little one!!!! Think I need to try a bit harder to be patient as there could be a long wait!!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Theres such positivity on here this week, I love it  

Watakerfuffle - Congratulations on officially being approved, try and be patient, your match will appear when the time is right  

Livinhope - OMG   How amazing is it that your getting your LO's brother, your right what a fantastic Xmas your going to have this year. Two Lo's within a year. The mind boggles!  

MrsYG - So pleased to hear your LO is settling in and your having a great time. Lovely to hear all the updates from you busy new mammy's.

AFU - Had another social worker visit last night, he was over the moon with all the homework we'd done since his last visit last week. Was impressed that I'd thrown myself straight in with the volunteering. He's very happy with our progress and says he has a couple going to panel in July then we are next on the list   He's provissionally booked us in for Early Sept! OMG, it feels strange now we have a date we are working towards, the time is flying by.

Hope you all having this fantastic whether we've got in the north at the min, its the 1st sun we have had all year and its great. Going to have a drive out somewhere tommorrow with the dogs, country walks and pub meal sounds just what we need


----------



## Poppets Mammy

P.s

Ive sat and gone through the 'Current Posters List' and updated it the best I can from the recent posts.

Can I ask that if anyone wants any info changing/deleting/adding they PM the details

Also there's a few people Ive deleted as they seem to of left the whole website when Ive searched for them (very sorry if this is not the case, not trying to throw ppl off or anything) and theres a few who we havn't heard from since Jan/Feb. Please let us know your still lurking around when you can. Ill update the list every now and again and in a few weeks ill delete anyone who seems to of left.

​


----------



## bluebabe

We had the meeting with fc this morning, it became quite obvious that they are very attatched to our lo's, they were quizzing us on a lot of things and it was supposed to be us asking them questions.  It made us feel very uncomfortable, and they told us that our lo's call them mummy and daddy.  Their social worker was very angry with them saying she had repeatedly told them not to let them say that.  I am going to contact our sw on Monday as our lo's will be with fc until end of July and they seemed to know nothing about how to prepare them.  Although we did get loads of info about likes and dislikes and routines etc.  I know fc do become emotionally involved but this was a bit too much, she made us feel like child snatchers.  What does anyone think? Xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Ah Bluebabe   Thats not ideal at all. Shame on them for making you feel like that and for letting the Lo's call them mummy and daddy then telling you that   I hope their social worker has stern words and now starts to enforce some rules to help prepare your Lo's for intro's. 
Are they new/inexperienced foster carers?
Have they applied to adopt the LO's themselves and been turned down?

I hope this situation improves and between your social worker and theirs they get things sorted out. Good luck and keep us updated. xx


----------



## muminthemaking

Hi all,
all kids snoring their heads off (dh included) so thought I'd come in with a quick update.
We've had  a really good week, dh is back to work and think things are starting to settle down now as we all get used to living with each other and being a family.
We've had some real great moments this week, picnic in the park with a work friend, mothers and toddlers and afternoon tea with my friend and her daughter. 
This weekend we took the kids to get their hair cut and I had some maternal guilt as I saw my princesses curls be chopped away in favour of a more heat friendly bob. She loves her new hairstyle and looks too cute. Prince had his haircut too and looks so smart!Its been nice just us relaxing and enjoying the weather.
We've had a few difficult moments too but they're fewer and further between, when I say difficult it really is i think down to our parenting v the foster carers parenting and that we're doing things differently which the children might not always like. Daily I see the relationship between my son and daughter grow and that in itself makes everything so worthwhile.
Tomorrow is our first review and so far its been very positive we think, hoping everyone else will say the same and the visits will decrease. Princess does seem to react a little when her sw is here in terms of getting clingy and a bit spiteful/over zealous towards me.

Big hi to everyone, MrsYg it sounds like you're loving every minute, I know for myself I felt a bit like a fish out of water but I'm back in the water now and swimming along nicely!

Bluebabe, our princesses fcs were also very atached to her having cared for her since birth and she'll be 3 in july, however the use of mummy and daddy was discouraged despite princess trying to use it on a couple of occasions. We also were interrogated somewhat but I felt it was important that in order for the intros to go well they had to have all their questions answered and be comfortable with us to help move our princess on. They did an awesome job, it was very emotional for all of us at certain times, but I honestly believe that it was only because we put the time and effort in with them that they could hand her over to us and facilitate such a good transition. I wish you all the best for meeting your little one, am sure it will go fine, it sounds like you have good support hopefully the fcs do too
xx
We've had a


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone, 

Feels like ages since I've been on here as there has been so much news to catch up on so bear with me whilst I try and do that:

Laura0308 - So glad to that all is good with you and your little tornado!

Liveinhope - Lovely to hear from you and so pleased that you have a date for panel. It will be hear before you know it.

Can't wait - Good lick with your volunteering, sounds like agency are being really helpful. Gold star for your homework efforts. Really sounds like it is all starting to come together for you.

Oliver222 - Hope you have managed to sort out referees. 

Arrows - Sorry to hear about your delays, here's hoping that you hear from your SW this week and get some sense and information.

Anjelissa - lovely to hear from you.

MrsYG - Lovely to hear from you and such fantastic news that you have your son home with you.

Watakerfuffle - fantastic news. Huge congratulations.

Can'twaittobeamummy - glad your preparation course is going well. Sounds like the process is going well.

Blue babe - sorry to hear about your issues with the FC. Really hope that your SW get on top of it and set some boundaries so that the process is as smooth as possible for you all.

Nutmeg - Hope you have a fantastic and well deserved holiday.

Curly1511 - welcome. Looking forward to getting to know you.

Mrs ABA - Great news that VA is taking you on. Hope it all goes well.

Well I think that is me up to date with all of your news but huge apologies if I have missed anyone.

AFU things seem to be moving rapidly at the moment. We were expecting things to plod along and for us not to hear anything more until the prep course. Within a week of the SW collecting our forms we have had letter from LA telling us that they desperately need my photo (I forgot to attach it to form), phone call from GP telling us that we need to get in to have our medicals so they are booked for a week on Friday. We have also had calls from our 3 referees to tell us that they have had forms to fill in and that LA want them back ASAP. We really weren't expecting things t happen this quickly, not sure if this pace is normal. So references in post and CRB being processed. We have prep course 3 weeks tomorrow and sW said we will be allocated SW on last day and HS should start within a couple of weeks of that! 

Anyway, this post is turning into a bit of an essay so will wind up now. Wishing you all the best.

Greeniebop xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

P.s. Lovely to hear from you MITM, your post appeared as soon as I hit 'post'. Sounds like life is treating you and your family well


----------



## bluebabe

Can't wait- its their first fc placement and they did ask to adopt and were told no so it's probably a lot to do with it.


Muminthemaking-  I know how important it is to have good relations with the fc and that's why we didn't retaliate at all.  Hopefully they will get the support to get our lo's ready for us xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

muminthemaking - you really should change your name to something like 'fully made mummy'   Love your posts and hearing about how things are going, sounds like you've had a lovely week.

Bluebabe - I thought as much from your post. Muminthemaking is right, you need to get on their side so to speak and make a big effort to 'win them over' to help the process go smoothly. I have the up most respect to foster carers (I have some within my family), I think they do a wonderful job, but there has been quite a few posts similar to yours on this forum and it really annoys me. There should be a clear cut line between being a foster carer and an adoptive parent in my opinion. We have had so many poorly informed comments during this process such as 'why dont you be a foster carer 1st before adopting' etc and it just enrages me. People in general have this silly idea that being a foster carer is like getting a trial run with the children you care for and if you get placed with a child you fall attached with then you just keep them and adopt them. Well its not like that at all and people should make that decision when they choose to foster or adopt. Are you wanting to care for children and make a huge difference in their lives on a temp basis, or do you want to make a life long committment to a child/children and make them apart of your family. It should be that simple. As far as I am aware they try to emphaise that when recruiting people to foster, so why isnt it working? Again, I have nothing at all against foster carers, I appluade them for the work they do, but situations like what your going through just shouldnt happen, its not fair on you and potentially very confusing for the LO's. 
Im sure it will all work out and end up being a smooth transaction once the foster carers come to terms with the plan and recieve the support they need. Prehaps your meeting with them has helped eased that transaction a little. It must be a hard time for you anyway waiting to take your LO's home and waiting for intro's to start wondering how they will go etc without this. Talk with you social worker and remain positive. Im sure you'll look back in a few months and wonder what all the stress was for and prehaps even have fond memories of Intro's and your time with the foster carers. Good luck


----------



## AoC

Hi all - sorry I've been absent.  I've been away a bit, and, when home, stupidly busy and more than a little freaked out.  We've had a milestone moment, though, and I wanted to share it with people who understand.  

We had our medicals this morning, and everything's fine.    I know it's not a 'big' milestone, but it's something that has been weighing on me for a while and getting it done feels so good.  

Bluebabe, your FCs are out of order - getting them to call the m & d is not on!  Our SW said the trick with intros is to grin and bear it while you're doing them, but make sure you feed everything good and bad back to your SW at the end of the day.  Good luck!

Lovely to hear from you MITM.


----------



## bluebabe

Thanks girls, I have spoken to our sw today and she has reassured us it will go to plan.  She wants to meet my family to go thru the next part with them so they don't feel left out.  She also spoke about an appreciation day, a day when everyone who has ever worked with the children, sw, health visitors etc to meet us.  Things moving again now xx


Aoc it is a milestone hunny, one step along the way xx


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## skyblu

Cant wait, I am still lurking so please do not delete me!!!
Glad you are enjoying the hs, and Sept panel will soon come by.

Watakerfeffle - congrats on the panel 

Hi bluebabe and Curly1511  and I agree bluebabe, you lo fc are out of order  hopfully your next visit will be better 

AoC, glad your medicals went well, you have every right to call it a mile stone, it certainly was for us hence our delay.

Sorry for the others I have missed but there is so much to catch up on, but I have read some and will read up on others , I am thinking of you all.

AFU, Our sw has finally come back to work after being off sick for 3 weeks.
We missed our panel date because of this, but another one has been scheduled, I am not going to say when.
We have had so much delays going through this proses I feel jinxed if I say anything  but will let you all know when it happens.

Take care all
Skyblu


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## AoC

Everything crossed, Skyblu!!!


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## oliver222

Goodluck Skyblu


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## Anjelissa

That's brilliant skyblu!  
I have everything crossed for you   

Anj x


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## Mrs ABA

skyblu!


A
x


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## laura0308

Will keep everything crossed Skyblu


----------



## flickJ

Wishing everyone a good 'extended' Bank Holiday  

Best wishes to everyone who is waiting ......... either for panel, matching or for their home study!


----------



## Heluerto

I'm a newbie to this thread, but far from new as far as FF is concerned.  After 12 years TTC I am hopefully on the road to Adoption.  We have just booked in to an Adoption Information Day in mid July, so hoping that everything goes well.


----------



## flickJ

Welcome to the forum Heluerto  , good luck on your journey to Adoption


----------



## bluebabe

Welcome helurte(did I spell that right?) I'm a newbie on this thread but have been there, done that, wore the thirty as far as ivf goes.  Well done you on the decision to adopt and you will get loads of support from everyone on here.


----------



## Loski

Hi impatiently waiting to go to panel in 11 days. Hope everyone is having a good long weekend.


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## Arrows

Hi Heleurto, long time no see. Glad to see you on here. Hope and pray your journey is a good one and leads you to a family. Arrows x


----------



## Heluerto

Thanks everyone for making me feel welcome - and hello again Arrows! )  so you've just finished everything for approval.  Looking at your timing to get to your current stage, I'm pretty much two years behind you.  Here's hoping this time in two years, I'll have been approved too! *fingers crossed*.


----------



## AoC

*waving*  Hey everyone.    We had a good HS session yesterday, mostly on matching considerations.  Looks like we're on course for a recommendation for approval for one or two little uns, 0-6 years.  I really feel like our SW gets us.  Plus, we've started decorating the spare room, and I'm getting really emotional about it!  LOL!

How's everyone else?


----------



## MrsYG

AOC - You sound so close to the end of HS now... exciting.  Enjoy the decorating, are you going neutral or do you have a gender in mind?

Hello to Heluerto, welcome to the thread, and hope the info day goes well for you!

Loski - Good Luck for panel!

AFU - Hope everyone enjoyed the Jubilee weekend?  Just thought iI'd give you a little update on our son...Our gorgeous LO has been home a whole two weeks now and it feels like he has never 'not' been here... he has taken over the house, and its lovely.  Its tiring running around after him, but he is growing in confidence, size, and developing every single day.  He is so clever, and learning to speak now, he has conversations with himself, i'm sure he knows what he is trying to say    We love him so much and cannot imagine life without him now.  Good Luck everyone, stick at it... the result is amazing    xxx


----------



## Poochie1111

Hi everyone - hope you're all well.


Mrs YG - lovely to hear how your son is settling in. Sounds wonderful   


AoC - so glad to hear that everything is progressing really well. 


Helureto - welcome   


Skybku - great you've got a new panel date.  Got it all crossed for you   


Well, what  day I've had.  We found out this afternoon that we have now been formally approved.  It took nearly 4 weeks!!! In the same conversion our SW said she had a match and wanted to come and see us tonight.  So to cut a long story short, we have been matched to an 8 month old little girl who just sounds amazing.  We've read through all her notes and there is nothing we're uncomfortable about so we're going to say yes tomorrow. I can't believe.  She is going to set up a meeting with her SW next week and hopefully it's all systems go.


Still pinching myself.  I can't quite believe it!!! x


----------



## minmouse

Hi all, apologies for absence, we got deferrfor again, and I felt so miserable with nothing positive to report that I went AWOL!  
Anyways back for 2 reasons: finally we've got to prep course and I'm now really nervous about what to expect! But also, I've had a short catch up with recent posts, and see so many similar fears and concerns as we had  I want to offer some reassurance.  If you can name things LA consider issues we've got them! Older unmarried Couple, history of depression, overweight, dysfunctional family, the list goes on.  We've had several setbacks along the way but neither of us have ever doubted sticking with it.  We've been told to give up but refused. if anyone reading feels like it's going wrong for them, its possible it can be just a hurdle that you can overcome and move on to the next stage one step at a time.  I havn't explained that well, but if you believe this is right for you stick with it!!  Some great news on here, and congrats to poochie for such a rapid match  
Xx


----------



## liveinhope

Great news Poochie! Good luck with what comes next.  Our LO has been home 9 1/2 weeks now and it feels like forever, its the best thing we've ever done

Love to all


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## Poppets Mammy

Skyblu - I know your still lurking about, would not delete you   Weve got everything crossed for you both for you next panel date. youve had such a rough time of it and hopefully this new panel date is the end of all that  

Welcome back minmouse, good luck with the process  

Welcome Heluerto, good luck with your new path  

Livinhope and Mrs YG - Cant believe you've had your LO's home for so long   that has flown over! Lovely to hear your updates about how they are settling in. Such great positive stories  

Poochie - How fantastic, what a great surprise for you. WoW   what a great match, I bet it hasn't even sunk in yet, cant wait to hear from you after you meet the childs social worker next week. Its all go go go  

AoC - Hello application buddy. Sounds like we are moving along at a very similar speed. We are busy sorting all the little jobs out around the house and getting a new sofa and new bed etc etc so that when we get a match our house is all up to date and **** and span. Its silly really but I suppose its a form of nesting. Painting the spare room is next, we are currently re-homing the bits n pieces currently stored in their and coming up with new storage soloutions for toys and general kiddy stuff. Got the paint already and a new carpet in mind. Its exciting isnt it? Its just all coming together for us and really starting to feel real. A little daunting to thinks we will be a family of three soon enough. 
My cousin is getting married this time next year and Im bridesmaid, been looking at bridesmaid dresses this week and discussing staying in the hotel overnight which is normally something we would do after a special occasion. Then I said - 'well actually we'll most likely have a LO by then so they will need to be considered in all of this planning' and everyone was like OMG we hadn't even thought of that. Hahahahaha, its funny how this process effects future planning. My cousin is now considering having a little flower girl/paige boy - Hahahaha


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## AoC

WOO HOO Poochie!!!!!  Ah, buddy, it's so good to see you 'there'.  And how lucky your little girly will be!  Eh, now I'm snivelling!

Thanks for sharing the update, MrsYg, it's so lovely to hear how well it's going for your family.    We're going neutral - shades of pale, aqua-y green.  It's a bit of an accident, as we bought the paint for another room but it didn't work out, so we tried it in the nursery instead and were awed at how tranquil and calming it was.    Carpet man coming today.  It'll tone nicely with either blue and dark green accents, or pale pink and mauve ones, so I think we're on to a winner.  If we'd have waited till we were matched, I think we'd have driven ourselves into the ground trying to do all the matching stuff and decorating.  

Good luck Min!  Don't fret about prep - it's nerve wracking before you get there, but we really enjoyed it, it was a real watershed, and DH said that it was the time he really felt involved and that he was a real part of this, when tx had kind of marginalised him.  It can be hard work, and don't underestimate how tired you will be, but we found it rewarding and enjoyable.  

Wonderful, liveinhope.  

Hey Can't Wait, bud.    Yes, I think it's a kind of nesting, but for me it's also doing this stuff because I know it'll be a few years till we can do any big decorating again!  It is daunting, isn't it?  I was explaining to SW how IF and tx can train you NOT to think about what life will be like with children, and it can be hard to turn that around again.  So cool about the wedding and possible flower girl/page boy!  Squeeee!!!  Good luck with your decorating.  

*waving*


----------



## Poppets Mammy

AoC - Theres so many similarities with us. I feel exactly the same about doing the house jobs and decorating/buying new stuff while we can as it will be a while until we can again. The focus very soon will be matching and settling a little one in. I know exactly what you mean about Tx training you to not dream and think about having children, its like a defence mechanism really. Its hard to accept it really is going to happen and prob very soon and sudden. Cant wait until we know who our LO's are going to be so we can start shopping for a LO in mind.
We've gone for a pastel yellow (not a bright yellow), very calming and fresh and compliments the white washed wood fitted wardrobes and bed. Going to get a deep pile mocha/beige carpet. It will look great, will go with girly pastel colours or bright green/blue for a boy. We aren't really gonna buy or do anything else to the room until we know whether we will bring home a girl or boy, the age and what their personality and likes are but I am imagining a fairy style girl theme or a dinasaur boy theme - but of course that depends on whether they like that   Cant wait to have them home with their basic things and then take them shopping to choose stuff for their room and make it 'theirs'. that will be such a magnificant day and is one I am longing for.
Your waiting in for the carpet man and Im waiting for the DFS delivery man - Hahahaha
XxX


----------



## bluebabe

Hi girls, a little update from me. Our sw came the other day to meet my parents, sister and her children to see if they had any questions about the next stage.  It went well but it seems there is still an issue with fc especially their adult daughters, nothing specific was said but it wasn't hard to read between the lines.  Anyway our final panel is 16th July and all going well intros should start 30th July, with my boys coming home on 8th August.  Can't come quick enough.  We are meeting with the agency medical advisor next week to go over medical reports, there are no medical issues but it's protocol apparently.  We have been decorating older ones bedroom this week, gone for a dinosaur theme, got some lovely stuff off amazon.  Then it's the baby room next.  I feel like I am on autoplilot, it does not seem real.  I was on phone to my sister the other day and we were talking about curtains and I stopped myself and it was like is this me talking.  


Poochie I am so pleased for you, a lovely baby daughter xx


Hope everyone is well, some fab news on here lately xx


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## Mrs ABA

Poochie - how very very exciting!  Can't wait to hear more!


Can'twait - love your update.  So wonderful to imagine you will be a Mum soon!


Minmouse - thanks for your post - good for you for sticking with it and good luck with the prep course.


My prep course is booked starting on 9 July.  My birthday is 8 July so getting there feels a good present.  I'm a bit nervous, but excited too.  At home today with gastric flu which gives me plenty of opportunity to read stuff on adoption.


A
x


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

Yet again I've been off line for a few weeks and there is lots of news to catch up on!!!

Skyblu - Wishing you all the best for your panel date. After all the hiccups it will be a major milestone. Good luck  

Heluerto - Welcome to the thread. Looking forward to hearing your news and to getting to know you in the coming weeks  

MrsYG - So lovely to hear from you. It sounds like you are in absolute bliss and living the dream, So happy for you and glad to hear you are loving it  

Poochie1111 - What fantastic news!!! Really pleased for you and have my fingers crossed that all goes to plan.  

Minmouse - It sounds like we are at a similar stage now as we have our Prep course in 10 days and I am sooooo nervous. Have no real idea as to what to expect. Hope your course goes well  

Bluebabe - Lovely news and I bet that you are so excited   . How old are your boys? Wishing you all the best.

AFU, not a great deal to report. All our referees have sent off their bits and we had our medicals this morning and GP has passed us with a clean bill of health   Didn't enjoy stepping onto the scales though and could barely produce a urine sample as I was so nervous (and cold)   . We have our prep course in 10 days so thats the next milestone I guess and then its the HS. Is it just me or are there times when it just hits you that this is happening!!!! I got so freaked out the other day (in a good way) as it dawned on me that next year we could have little ones   . DH has gone from being very quiet about the whole process to really embracing it. BBQ for his birthday tomorrow so fingers crossed the gales and rain here in Devon disappear for the day otherwise we will be BBQ'ing in the garage!!!

Anyway, keep warm everyone and I hope that you all have a lovely weekend.

Greeniebop xxx

P.S. Get well soon Mrs ABA


----------



## Arrows

hi all
Yet more postpones and rearranged appointments -feeling very fed up and sorry for those poor kids waiting and having to put up with ineffectual SWs. :-(
very happy for all of you getting good news about little-uns but feeling very jealous of you all at the minute!!

hope everyone is making nice holiday plans for the summer. x


----------



## skyblu

Arrows,    i hope things get moving for you soon.x

Thank you all for the good wishes, we have a good few weeks to go yet put I am allready getting worried we will be turned down.
Our SW says that if she thought we wouldn't get approval the LA wouldn't let us get this far, we were also told that we wouldn't be placed until January 28th 2013, but we could be matched way before then 
I think what she was trying to say is, that because dh has to be smoke free for 12 months we can be matched and then ready for the child to be placed by January 28th 2013.
How long does it take from the time you say yes this is the child for you to the time they move in?

Poochie, congrats and hope you have your lo home with you soon. 

Hi Heluerto and minmouse and welcome 

Hello to everyone I missed and hope you all have a great weekend.

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi

This threads speeding up, I've been waiting for it to move for a few das 

Skyblu - Good luck, I've got everything crossed for you. You'll have a LO before you know it x

Heluerto - Welcome to the adoption road, I'm finding it to be a very exciting journey...so much better for me that the journey of ttc. Good luck x

AoC - How exciting! It's great that everything is going to plan, have fun decorating the bedrooms for your LO's 

MrsYG - I'm so glad that your LO is doing well, you're obviously a natural to this motherhood lark  Enjoy, and keep your updates coming...that one made me smile. 

Poochie - 2 things to say: WOW and CONGRATULATIONS  x

Minmouse -   Sorry about all of the problems you've had, remember....good things come to those who wait! You'll get your LO, and you'll love him/her even more because of hard you've faught and how long you've waited x

Liveinhope - I hope your LO is doing well and that he enjoying his new forever family x

Can't wait - Yay to the bedroom decorating!  How amazing if your LO(s) get to be paige boy/flower girl. Where in the process are you now?

Bluebabe -   that you get to meet you're LOs sooner rather than later! How old are they? Enjoy preparing for them...I cannot wait to be where you are now  x

Mrs ABA - Good luck on prep, we've just finished ours and it was brilliant. I hope you enjoy it and find it as useful as we did x 

Greeniebop - Congratulations on your clean bill of health! I hope this doesn't make me sound like a nutter...but you don't happen to be a BBW (big beautiful woman ) do you? I ask because I'm so worried about my medical, and standing on the blinkin scales  Do you mind me what your medical involved? Enjoy you're BBQ, whether it be in the garden or garage! 

Arrows -   Sorry about all of your delay...I said it earlier in my post but am gonig to say it again...the best things come to those who wait. All this waiting will be for a reason, perhaps your LO isn't quite ready for you yet xx Good luck, I hope everything gets on track soon x 

Sorry if I have missed anyone, as always GOOD LUCK to you all, whereever you are in the process x

AFU - We finished prep last Friday, which was fab, we really enjoyed it and it just reassurred us! The SW called yesterday, and we are starting HS on Thursday  Although, DH and I are a little bit obessed and have already worked through half of it over the past couple of weeks as we recieved the electronic version before prep.

Also...we went to Mothercare (although a little premature, I know) and purchased two cuddly toys called Bunny and Ted, I am kissing and cuddling them every day and am so excited that we have purchased our child/rens first toys . 

We have started to create 2 books about my DH and I ready for intros, I love doing them and getting creative  We are planning to involve Bunny and Ted in our lives from now and will take photos of them with us and our families and will include some photos in our intro books - sounds daft, but I have it all planned in my head. 

Anyway...I can feel myself getting carried away so I need to ground myself by talking about my worries. I am dreading medicals, which we are having in a couple of weeks. My BMI is currently 40.2 and DH is 41.3...BUT we are doing Slimming World and have lost 4 stone between us in 6 weeks, so we are hoping that the doctor will see that and will pass us. Neither of us have health conditions other than being a little tubby, and are more than aware of how we ended up this way and how we will look after a child and protect them from obesity...am I worrying over nothing? Be honest, I'd really like to know if you had a problem passing your medical for this reason.

Enough talking from me...I'm going to sit and watch the forum for a while until I get a response  Not really, or atleast I'll try not to!

Toodaloo for now xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Oh and excuse the typos...I was too scared to press spell check in case I lost the post x


----------



## bluebabe

Can't wait - I was in a similar situation re. Medical.  My BMi is 40 but other than that, bp etc is fine.  All the GP put on form was "is on a weight reduction plan".  My dh BMi was borderline but ok.  I was very worried about this, our sw said she had to by law ask me if I was doing anything about my weight and she wrote down that I was at slimming world.  I did rejoin but tbh I haven't done very well cos my mind isn't on it.  I don't think weight has anything to do with it and it makes me very angry.  I was discriminated during all my tx and it ended up with me having a proper stand up fight with our consultant to make him understand that if my weight was the reason why had I been preg 6 times?  It was only then that he decided to operate on me and found that no matter what my weight was I am physically unable to carry a child.  So my advice Hun is play the game, I even took my weigh in book with me to panel in case they asked what I was doing!  


Girls I bought a pram yesterday and it wasn't a dream it's still here this morning! Xx


----------



## PEJ

Hello, 
I have never written in the chat thread before, hope it's okay to join in 
It is great to hear what is happening in everyones journey and it is lovely to read some positive news too. 
I wish you all Good Luck in everything that is happening. 
We were approved 2 weeks ago. We have already had a few profiles sent to us. Suddenly it has sunk in that we are going to be a Mummy and Daddy and I have never felt so happy   I know we are only at the start but it is a wonderful feeling. 
Does anyone have any recommendations on when to start our book for our LO? We have not been matched yet but should we start putting something together. I don't want to pre-empt to much but I also don't want to be in a last minute rush. It would also feel nice to start something. I also really want to start the bedroom but I think I need to wait till we know the gender. EEk I just need to get on as normal and wait. 
Hope your all having a nice weekend 
x


----------



## bluebabe

Pej, congratulations on being approved and yes you are going to be a mummy! I am still getting my head round this as well.  We are about to start our welcome book, we were advised to get the talking photo albums cos our children are very young, but we are also doing a life story book of our lives to put in their boxes, well that's the thinking at the moment, haven't started it yet! As for decorating, can you do a neutral colour then accessorise when you know what gender? Oooooo it's really exciting times ahead xx


----------



## PEJ

Thank you. I realise that I have spent a long long while not allowing myself to think I am going to be a Mummy, now I can. EEk - so exciting. Do you know when your LO's are coming home bluebabe. Have fun on the welcome book. Yes, I am going to go for neutral and then have fun adding to it


----------



## Loski

Hi everyone love reading what's happening with everyone. We are at panel on Thursday and I feel terrified any one got any words of wisdom to stop me feeling petrified lol


----------



## PEJ

Hi Loski, 
Great that your Panel date is nearly here. I was feeling very nervous in the run up to Panel. However, try to remember that you are a good person and can be a good parent to a child that needs you. Your SW is there to support you too. We are lucky to have a wonderful SW who helped us feel calm. Try to be yourself as much as possible, stay calm and proud of yourself for getting to panel and what you are about to do  GOOD LUCK xxx you will be celebrating soon.


----------



## AoC

Can't Wait:  I feel like you do!  Everything you said had me nodding in agreement and smiling.    The carpet man worked out nicely, and they'll be fitted tomorrow.  Can't quite believe it - we've been terrible about getting things done in this house, can't believe how much we've achieved in a short time, now that having a family seems like a reality, rather than an impossible dream.  

I had a weird moment when I realised I want to make sure there's something of my Dad's in their room.  Dad died a few years ago, but in some ways I want to make him a reality for who would have been his grandchildren.  I'm just not sure what it should be, though.

Congrats, bluebabe!  Lovely to see you talking about your boys coming home.    And hooray for the pram!  And I, too, hated the weight discrimination in tx.

Hope you feel better soon, Mrs ABA.  

I'm doing better now, Greenie, but yes there are many big Freak Out moments on this journey!  Hugs, sweetie.    My DH has really got into gear, too.  Adoption is so much easier on the men than IF tx, I think.

Oh no, how awful, Arrows.    I'm sorry things keep getting postponed and you're fed up - no wonder!  Lots of hugs, and a liberal application of grease to get the wheels moving....  

Hugs, Sky, fingers crossed things go smoothly.  I'm sure you'll be approved!  I've seen the times between matching and intros vary hugely, so I think they'll just adapt to fit your circumstances.

Doesn't sound daft at all, CWTBAM, that's what they said we should do at prep.  Although we're waiting a bit longer to get going on that, because we want our family book to be specific to the LOs we're linked with, if poss.  We'll see.    If you're working on your BMIs (congrats, great progress!!) I think you'll be fine.  

Welcome PEJ!!!  Congratulations on your approval, and yay for the profiles!  

There's nothing that will stop you being terrified, Loski!  But it will be over soon, and you wouldn't be going if they didn't think you were going to get approved.  So hang on in there, and you'll get through!  Hugs, hon.


----------



## rosie pie

Hi Ladies, I heop you don;t mind me joining you, I am loving reading your stories and have learnt so much from you already.

We are going to three LA open eves in the next 2 wks and am very excited. I have a couple of animal related questions if anyone has the answer please:

I have a small harmless dog who is very used to children - what knid of assessment will I have to have with him?

I also have two cats, both quite old and totally harmless - would they need to be assessed at all?

Does the risk home assessment include blind cords (I have lots of blinds in my house)?

Last one - I am making my way through the BAAF recommended reading list and have done loads of reading online, have also psent time with my friend who has adopted 2 boys recently - is there anything else we can do to look good to the Social workers?!!

thank you so much 

Rosie


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## Poppets Mammy

Oh Arrows - What a nuisance   Hopefully things will get moving as they should soon enough. Have they given any reasons for the extra delays?

Skyblu - The timescale they've given doesn't seem that ludicrous. Once you are approved they'll be searching for LO's which could take a few months and then theres the whole meeting the LO's social worker/forster careers/ child appreciation day/matching panel and planning/starting intro's. These are all things that they can get started prior to placing the child with you. I'm sure everything will tick along nicely for you both once you are approved  

Loski - Good luck for Thursday  

PEJ - Welcome   Id agree with bluebabe. Do what most of us seem to be doing, decorate in neutral colours that will work with either a boy or girl the accessorise with more bold colours depending on your child's sex/age/personality. Perhaps start thinking about what you want in your intro book and start taking photos but don't put it together until you have more specific details of a match. How exciting is it to start looking forward and preparing for a LO Eeeeeeeeee  

Cant wait to be a mommy - Your post really made me laugh   I have been exactly the same during our home study, lots of research and homework. Our social worker loves it, he gives us the topic we will be covering in the next session in advance then thats it I'm off doing everything I can to prepare for it. Now when he arrives he starts with 'so what have you got for me this week' and I pull out a file of stuff. Its great because it helps him and has really helped us move forward, plus its nice to feel apart of the process and exciting to get into it. We are currently coming to the end of our home study and booked on Sept panel. We also have two soft toys that we plan to include in our intro book photos. The plan is to have them both subtly in the background of the photos, then give the LO the smallest one when we meet them at the Forster carers, then the bigger one will be on their bed when we bring them home. Just thought it would be a nice touch so they have something familiar during the intros and early days home. Great minds think alike eh  

Rosie pie - Welcome   All pets have a basic questionaire style assessment, and obviously the social worker gets to know them during the home study so if there was any issues they would raise them with you. Some dogs have had to have further assemssents by a vet if theres any concern about behaviour - but honestly I wouldnt worry. I have 2dogs 1cat 2 rabbitts and trust me we are not the only animal lovers on here by any stretch of the imagination. My social worker says lots of forster carers have pets as well so many of the LO's are used to animals.
Keep reading, you cant read enough. Theres a reading list in the info section of the adoption and forstering part of this website, have a look. Get as much childcare experience with friends and familes children and do some voluntery work if you feel neccesary. Good luck with choosing the right LA for you and starting the process. This forum is a valuable resource


----------



## Arrows

AoC -can you give me the name of your carpet fitter? Trying to get quotes but so far £100 a room minimum and that's too much for us.

Sorry for short post


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hi All, seem to be suffering from post panel blues   Had the huge high of being approved coming upto 3 weeks ago, felt like such an achievement and family and friends were so happy for us. Towards the end of our assesment our social worker kept indicating that we would be matched really quickly so I thought maybe she had a child in mind for us! Anyway since being approved we have not seen one profile and absolutely no talk of any potential matches.  This post panel wait is killing me, how do you all survive?! I have decorated the spare room in neutral colors to give me something useful to do and have been keeping really busy with work but it is always on my mind! Sorry to be so glum but know one understands how I feel, my husband was being really patient but I even caught him looking on be my parent and has since been on at me saying we must inquire about a little one that has caught our eye but we have been told we have to wait 3 months before we can go National aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Anyway hope everyone on here is keeping well and all is going smoothly for you x


----------



## nutmeg

Hello all!

We're back off our wonderful 2 week holidays in Greece and feeling raring to get back to it. On holiday DD said "it's a shame my brother or sister doesn't live with us yet cos they've missed this holiday" ahhhhhhhhhhh my heart just melts sometimes.

No personals I'm afraid as I've just read through 8 pages of updates and I've missed far too much, but I'm thinking of everyone and there has been so much happy news over the last couple of weeks, it's heartwarming.


----------



## wynnster

Watakerfuffle.  No one prepares you for how hard the wait will be after panel and it is by far the hardest part of the process, or at least I think so anyway.    I found the wait difficult whilst waiting for both of my children, the things I would suggest to you are to try (try    ) and put it out of your mind, maybe think to yourself that nthing can be done for 3 months anyway... Then plan lots of 'nice' things to do with dh in that time, a few meals out maybe weekend away etc..
When your 3 months are up, ask your sw if you're able to do a mailshot to other agencies.  We did this twice and both of our children came to us via my mailshots    If I hadn't have dont it, who knows when we'd have been linked. 
So if they agree to the mailshot you could be working on that in the meantime   
Sorry must dash but bug hugs and I hope your wait is short


----------



## bluebabe

Waterkaffule the wait is horrendous, even tho we were matched straightaway nothing could be done because all the sw had holidays booked.  Your lo is out there waiting for you Hun, stay strong xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi All,
I have been reading and watching from the sides as you progress through the phases ;-)

Waterkuffle - I'm in the same boat but just over the 3months so now on the national reg. I've found it easier in the first few weeks and was on high for quite a while. Now we have redecorated what we can, put in new wardrobes, selected a new leather sofa, put 3 diff contingency plans in place for work time off but I'm very blue about things just now. SW us great, very Proactive and stays in touch regularly.
Nowt left than to plan nice things as we can and enjoy impromPtu plans whilst we can.
Feel free to pm if you want a buddy at this time x x

Promise I'll catch up this week with personals x


----------



## PEJ

Thank you for all your welcomes   Such a roller coaster of feelings at the moment it is good to chat on hear. 

Rosie pie - By the time is came for our little dog to be assessed our SW knew her so well after all the visits that she was more than happy to give her the thumbs up. Your SW will know you so well too soon  

Watakerfuffle - Please try not to feel to down. I understand how you are feeling though. We were approved three weeks ago and we are still waiting for our official letter of approval. Our SW has had the approval email however I still want to see the letter and then register with CWW etc. I have always told myself and others that it will now be another 3-6 months before a match, however, this doesn't stop me secretly hoping for something sooner. Our SW is on holiday at the moment, it is tough having our lives on hold by something so out of our control. Please try and stay positive and make the most of your precious time at the moment. Fingers crossed for you. 

Gertie179 - Fingers crossed for you too. Our LO's are out there somewhere 

xxx


----------



## Arrows

Gertie and Watakerfuffle -I'm in the same boat too. Feeling very fed up and a bit depressed  though in the other side -been shown lots of profiles with no discrimination then delays and stress with nothing happening after. I wish they'd actually be discerning and pick one or two that they know to be a good match for us instead of making us do everything and then faffing us about!
Like Gertie said though -waiting for the 3mth point at least gets you onto the national register.

Hi all -5 assignments to go (of the 94) for the year! 2weeks left to do it in.


----------



## peacelily

Arrows - sorry to hear you've been messed around...I know you're local to me, are you with the LA (don't want to name it on here for obvious reasons!)?

Peacelily xx


----------



## watakerfuffle

wynnster, bluebabe, GERTIE179, PEJ and Arrows (think thats all of you!) thanks so much for replying to me, I just feel better for knowing there are other people out there in the same boat and who understand how this feels. It's all such an emotional roller coaster and learning curve. Here's hoping we all get our match soon and can start living our dreams of being a family. x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Just want to send lots of hugs and positive vibes to Watakerfuffle, Arrows and Gertie and anyone else who is finding the post approval wait tough. It will be your turn soon enough Im sure. XxX​


----------



## Dreams do come true

First home study visit on Thursday 

Our friends have got the referee forms today, and we have recieved the medical forms. I just wondered how long it took you all to get from first home study visit to panel? 

xx


----------



## bluebabe

We had our first home study in sept an went to panel in April. Was a bit of a delay cos our sw had a lot o matches with other couples so we were put on hold a bit xx


----------



## skyblu

Watakerfuffle,    hope you wont have to wait much longer 

Rosie pie, when I read your post regarding pets, i had a little chuckle to my self........
We have a 4 yr collie x Samoyed dog and is a bit excitable and was worried about his assessment but luckily our SW is a dog lover and got on well with him and he did well in his assessment. Yesterday our SW manager came out to see us yesterday to do the end of home study review and I was not worried about our dog as the SW said that she loves dogs and will fall in love him............. my god, he was so naughty he was jumping up at her wouldn't listen and as soon as she sat down he jumped on her lap and gave her a big sloppy kiss(with tongue) jumped down and then went to his bed!!!!! I was mortified and didn't know where to look. Thank god she was fine about it and laughed and said " well someone likes me".  
Our SW is coming out again tomorrow  and I hope that our pooch hasn't made her think he could be a risk 
I don't think I could cope with another set back, oh and our panel date has been changed again, this is the fourth date now!!!!

Skyblue.xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Skyblu, your post made me laugh. We have an excitable Springer Spaniel and a lazy Cavalier King charles. We weren't worried about the Cavy as he just does his own thing and sleeps ALL the time so not bother what so ever. The Springer . . . well she lives up to her name. We were so worried she would be perceived as a risk and kept her caged during the 1st visit, but thankfully our SW is a dog person as well. We decided to let them both loose for the rest of the visits so that he didnt think we were cruel or she was locked up for a reason, the 1st time she was out I just made her sit next to me and she was no bother at all. The next visit she was so excited she jumped up behind the SW on the sofa, inched her way up beside him, was starring at his face, and when he turned round to see what was happening (he had't even realised she was there) she cuddled into his chest and give him a big sloppy kiss. I was so embarrased  
They are both very loving dogs, no risk to kids, very gentle with friends LO's and neices/nephews but by god they get excited when people come to the house (to see them as they perceive it   ) its prob going to make intro's a bit tricky but we are working on calming things down ready for then


----------



## flickJ

Dogs, don't you just love 'em  

No matter what you do, they do the opposite - we have a small, but excitable dog and no matter how much training I do she seems to have a mind of her own.


----------



## Arrows

cantwaittobeamommy -we started homestudy July and went to panel following March, but like bluebabe we were delayed by Christmas holidays, then by lots of families being matched (panel originally scheduled for Feb).


----------



## liveinhope

We started home study last May and were at approval panel by end of October.  We were pleased with the speed.


----------



## AoC

See our ticker for when we started homestudy.  We're scheduled for August panel, but that still has the potential to slip, so we'll see.


----------



## Kestra

Hi

We started HS in May, finished in July and went to panel in September. All nice and quick and our little man came home in the Feb which would have been sooner except for Xmas! 

XxX


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all,

Wow there has been a lot of chat on here. Haven't been on for a while as have been bed ridden with a really bad back and desperately trying to get it sorted before Prep course on Monday.

Arrows - Sorry to hear that you have been delayed but wishing you all the best for your remaining assignments. I don't know how you do it alongside everything that is adoption!!!

Skyblu - Everything will work out just fine. Sending you lots of hugs,

Cantwaittobeamommy - My BMI was 27 (a bit higher than it was prior to IVF). The Dr booked me in for 30 minute appointment. He did height,weight, Urine test, Blood pressure, calc for % risk of cardiovascular disease, listened to chest and went through the form with me to check it was all in order. He was lovely and so supportive. Good luck with your first HS visit x

Bluebabe - Woo hoo, what pram did you buy? So exciting x

PEJ and Rosie Pie - welcome
Loski - Good luck at panel today. Hope to hear from you later x

Hi AoC, Hope life is treating you well

Watakerfuffle - Stay strong and positive my sweet. Sending lots of hugs your way.

well thats it for me I'm afraid as need to lie down again (miserable back). Take care my lovelies xxx


----------



## Sparkle JJ

Hi

Hope everyone is having a good day!

I've not posted much on these boards but we've just been assigned our SW so I'm pretty excited and wanted to share with some folks who will understand!!!!

So far I've had a really positive experience of the process (I'll probably be eating my words when HS starts) and I've found the timescales quite speedy to be honest.

We first enquired in March and were invited to attend prep in May.  I only posted my forms back on Monday this week to say that we wanted to proceed and already we have a SW assigned and our first appointment on 20th June!

I really enjoy reading everyones updates and love how you all give so much support and good advice.  I'm sure I'll be posting more as HS progresses.

Sparkle x


----------



## Doofuz

Hello everyone,

I have posted a couple of times before on the main board, I have looked back on here to see if I have posted and I can't find anything if I have! We are in the process of waiting as we had treatment back in March that was unsuccessful. We decided that we would look into adoption straight away, more treatment would have gone the same way as our chances were always pretty low. We have since spoken to our possible chosen VA who I found amazing on the phone. She sent us some literature to read and said to phone back when we are ready. Since then my husband and I have drafted and answered possible questions the social worker may ask, written down an example of a week with and without a child, read and ordered more books and generally really getting into it. 

As I have worked with children for the past 11 years and am now a childminder, it's nice to be learning something WITH my husband, rather than me coming home and telling him. After a lengthy discussion, we both decided that, although I utterly love my job, that I would leave it and find something else as dealing with two governing bodies is just too much. Also, when our potential child is finally placed with us, we don't want them to feel that they are 'sharing' us with the other children. The current play room would be their bedroom and I want them to feel like they have come home properly. So, I think we are on the right path heading towards September which is when we think we are going to ring them back to set things off. Looking forward to the next step    and to talking more to all of you..


----------



## DizzyPip

Hi everyone,

A lovely sunny day here for a change! Bet it doesn't last!

AoC - how exciting! We can't wait to start getting the house ready for the little one to come home ( whoever he / she may be). I'm in the same boat as you and both my husband and I lost our day 4 months apart, 3 yrs ago. I love your idea of putting something of theirs in the room, I'm nicking that idea!

Arrows, Gertie, Skyblu & waterkerfuffle. What a nightmare when things get delayed so frustrating for us ladies and gents when we have been through so much already. Hope things are moving on for you now.

Greenibop - hope the back gets better soon.

Sparkle - such a milestone getting assigned your social worker.

Doofuz- welcome to this board.

AFU, well we are on our first day of prep course a week on Monday and our completed CRB's came back today so we a moving along at a nice steady pace at the moment. Actually looking forward to the course. Not so sure hubby is though. Not really his thing. Bet lots of men are the same. Lol.
Planning our last holiday pre adoption, where to go

Hope you all have had a lvely day.

Pip xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi pip,

We are at similar stages. DH not so keen either. We are planning on going to Paris in summer hols.

Hope course goes well. Our day 1+2 are monday and Tuesday.

Greenie xxx


----------



## Sparkle JJ

Pip & Greenie

I really enjoyed the prep course, we had 3 evening sessions and 2 full day sessions and I found it all really interesting.  I was nervous about them but it was really relaxed even DH found it tolerable and he really didn't want to go!!

Sparkle x


----------



## Loski

Well we got approved today took about ten minutes in total cant believe how quick it was. Feeling very happy!


----------



## bluebabe

Well done Loksi xx


Greeniebop sorry to hear about your back there's nothing worse. Hope u feel better soon.  We got the my child siente tandem pram from babies r s.  the older child still likes a pram and obviously the baby is only just one so got this one hope it's not going to be too heavy to push!  I'm also planning n getting a good strong buggie as well.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Fantastic news loski. So pleased to hear your news.

How exciting bluebabe. Bet you can't wait to have your family home xxx


----------



## Arrows

Yay Loski -congratulations!


----------



## nutmeg

Hello Doofuz & Sparkle.

Dizzypip and Greeniebop my dh really wasn't looking forward to the prep sessions, but as it turned out, he enjoyed them more than me and they really put him in a positive frame of mind - I hope the same happens for you. Oh and GB, hope your back is on the mend very quickly.

Big hugs to all those struggling with post approval waits and distress     stay positive and your dreams will soon come true.

We had another meeting on Weds and all went well but it was the toughest meeting we had. We had to look at all the categories and discuss what we thought we could and couldn't accept. They were difficult decisions and not at all enjoyable    but absolutely necessary. I have my individual session booked in for next week and DHs will be after SW's holiday. At that point he will also be looking to meet our referees and our DD    She's so excited to meet him.
We've had the H&S assessment done and I'm hoping this means we're on track for a Sept panel date!


----------



## nutmeg

Oh and Loski congratulations (I did post on your diary too!)


----------



## AoC

Congratulations, Loski!


----------



## skyblu

Loski, CONGRATULATIONS     

Skyblu.xx


----------



## DizzyPip

Morning everyone,

Greenibop - we are very similar on the timeline, will be interesting to see if it stays that way. Paris, ooh la la,  lovely! We are also planning a holiday for September , though we haven't decided where to go yet. Hope you enjoy the course, we have 4 full days, well one finishes at 2.30pm.

Sparkle - I'll make sure that DH reads your post and he might not dread it so much! He thinks that we are going to have to stand in a room full of people and be a tree and that kind of thing! Lol 

Loski - yay! Congratulations hopefully not too long now.

Blue babe - bet it was surreal buying a pram!

Nutmeg - doesnt sound like a nice experience, heartbreaking.

Lots to do today, so had better get off here. 
Have a great day everyone.....



Pip
Xx


----------



## Loski

Thank you so much everyone


----------



## minmouse

Congrats on approval Loski!
Just a very quick post after 2nd day of prep course, to anyone about to start and worrying about it, don't! I'm really enjoying prep, very informative and sparked so much healthy discussion with OH. Tiring, but great.
Have a good weekend adoption buddies  
X


----------



## Dreams do come true

Loski - Wahooo congratulations x x x

Minmouse - Glad you're enjoying prep x x x 

AFU....I feel so incredibly excited and happy! I m so pleased with our adoption agency (VA), and we met our social worker for 1st HS visit yestersay and she is brilliant!!!!!! I'm trying to get the dreaded medicals out of the way before I go wappy, but she is very confident that we'll be okay, and that we'll get up to 2 children under 3, and....wait for it......we'll go to panel in October!!!!!!!!! Sorry about the exclamations but !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! excited muchly  She also said that she doesn't think it's too soon to start thinking/decorating the childrens rooms. OMG if I am this excited now...can you imagine what I'll be like after approva panel and matching, I may burst with excitement.

Sounds odd because I already am...but I am trying to keep calm and not get carried away until after the dreaded medicals  Forms are in at the docs, just waiting for the call on Monday to book them in            they go well.

Good luck fantabulous adoptive mommies (and daddies) to be


----------



## E3021

Hi all, 

I haven't posted for ages but I read all the time. Just wanted to say that today we successfully got through matching panel and our two beautiful daughters will be home in a couple of weeks!!!!!!

If you are not there yet, please keep going, exactly one year ago we were doing our prep course and now we are officially a mummy and a daddy - adoption is the best thing we have ever done, honestly, after a real roller coaster of stuff tx wise I don't think until today I ever believed it would really happen - but it has!   

Happy weekends to everyone.


----------



## Dreams do come true

HUGE congratulations  YOU'RE A MUMMY xxx


----------



## Jules11

Hi,

I don't usually post on here but I just wanted to share.  A few weeks ago we went to panel and were deferred   It really didn't make any sense to us or our soical worker,  it was all about dotting I's and crossing t's and we were totally devistated.  

Anyway ,we met with our social worker yesterday and she is very confident we can go back to panel in July with a much stronger PAR  

Three days after our last panel I had an interview for a promotion at work,  I was so upset by panel decision that during the interview all of my usual nerves had gone and I really didn't care about the promotion anymore.  

Today,  I received a phone call to tell me I was successful, I have the promotion and a substantial pay rise that will enable me to take more time off work after a child is placed with us  .  Some of you on here told me that things do happen for a reason.  If we'd been successful at panel I wouldn't have gone to the interview.

Hopefully somebody up there is watching out for us and you are right.  Things are destined to happen.

Well done to all of you with good news and   to those of you still waiting.  I'm sure it's a timing thing and your/our time will come.

Jules.xx


----------



## Arrows

Jules, I love your post. It is a really hard process -we've been waiting and waiting for a match but next Wednesday I have an interview for a permanent job as well as another meeting with our SW to look at new profiles and a CPR for a child whose FF is interested in us. If I get the job it means a higher adoption leave pay and much more stability for me and my family in the future. I'm praying and keeping my fingers crossed that I get this job. I only know of two others who have applied and I am the most experienced and highest qualified so hoping that comes across. It's a full time job and hoping to do a jobshare with one of the other people that's applied.


----------



## Ally Wally

hi jules...what a lovely post. that has really lifted my spirits..thanks. wishing you lots of happiness in your new position.
i have really been struggling with the PMA recently...we have done our 6 month failed fertility treatment waiting before official application and it's been nearly 3 weeks and we have still heard nothing from the LA. i know there is no point getting frustrated now when there is such a long road ahead and in the grand scheme of things, this is nothing but just an aknowledgement would be nice. anyhoo...good things come to those who wait and all that malarky ;-)


----------



## Arrows

Ally Wally -call them Monday. They're supposed to acknowledge within a certain timeframe (1-4wks) so just call them -there's no harm in it, in fact some LA's might want you to call, to prove interest! Another factor (although I assume you spoke to them to find out about this before) is that although some LA/VA's want you to wait 6mths, others say 1yr so check. Good luck!


----------



## Ally Wally

thanks arrows...you're right, i will call then on monday. i'm sure it's 6 months for us as she told me to remind her at the beginning of june that our 6 months was up...so i have...twice! only by email though...so i will definately call them next week.


----------



## Mamabud

Hi girls.  Can I jump in?  I made the initial call last Monday about the possibility of adoption.  The SW said she would post out some information, after taking a few details.  I have been post watching ever since, but nothing has arrived.  Is it normal to take this time, for just a general info letter?  We have on wee miracle who was 2 past in February.  We put our life on hold last year, while saving the £4000 for tx. It failed, and we have never had a great response or any frosties.  We have decided that we want to put all our energies into our daughter, and have the love to share with another child (as well as a spare room, and the desire to give our dd a wee brother or sister).  We have drawn the line with tx and want to move on to the next chapter, which is adoption.  As a couple we are so excited and really hope it happens for us.  Any advice, insights are greatly welcome


----------



## flickJ

Hello Mamabud, welcome to the forum - you will find lots of support and information on this forum. Good luck on your journey


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone.

Congratulations on all of the good news. Lots seems to be happening on here. We have day one of prep course tomorrow and so nervous. Going to have a read of my child development book later as SW said something about a quiz eek!!!!

Take care everyone xxx


----------



## laura0308

Hi Mamabud,

Welcome onboard. I would give the post another week or 2, nothing moves very quickly with adoption then phone again, but the end will be worth while   .

You will have to wait 6 months (even a year with some LAs/VAs) from your last txt dates to start the process officially but you can start your reading now and try to prepare yourself for the adoption journey.

Everyone on this board is always happy to answer any queries or provide any advice we can.

Good luck
x


----------



## DizzyPip

Hi Greenibop,

Good luck tomorrow, hope you enjoy it!



Pip


----------



## Mamabud

Thanks for the welcome.  It's nerve wracking and exciting - like  a whole new chapter.  Good luck on your prep course greeniebop.  Laura - the vibe I got from the sw was that tx wasn't an issue as we have drawn a line under it, however only time will tell. Thanks for the heads up anyway - really hope to get things rolling asap.


----------



## liveinhope

I'm hoping someone on here can help me.  I've just been diagnosed with an over active thyroid and I've started medication and have to see a specialist.  We are in the process of our 2nd time assessment and Im in a dilemma as to whether to mention it to our social worker as its highly likely that we wont need a medical update as our first medical check was only last summer.  What I dont want to do is mention it and it become an issue or a reason for our 2nd time assessment to be turned down.  However I dont want to not mention it but them find out and then that be held against us too.  Advice please....


----------



## snapdragon

Liveinhope: Its difficult to advise but its usually best to be honest, you are more likely to be turned down if they feel you are withholding info then for the thyroid problem. 

I should be feeling good as panel is getting closer, end July, and we have just read our PAR which is great, but feeling a bit down at the moment. Mother-in-law said at the weekend to my sister-in-law that there was no way they would give us a child as we are too old, nearly 44 and 45. I don't think this is true but I am wondering about how long I will have to wait as I know they currently have no suitable children.  We want a 3-5 year old. 

Also really annoyed with MIL as she has given my SIL a really hard time this weekend. My SIL has been very ill and apparently my MIL has been so worried about her she has had a mental breakdown, which is why she hasn't bothered speaking to her or visiting her for months. She really should be supporting her and not giving her more problems.

Sorry just having a rant.


----------



## flickJ

Snapdragon - I am 47 and DH is 45, we are part-way through the adoption journey and the question of age has been accepted without question. Admittedly, we have given a slightly older age range, 4 to 8 and that seems to be fine.

I think it is the case that after three months your names go onto the national register, so even if your LA/VA have no suitable children surely you will stand a better chance nationally. Others with more knowledge of the matching process will probably have more knowledge of this situation than me.

Best of luck for your panel and for a swift match


----------



## E3021

Hi Snapdragon, totally agree with Flick and just wanted to add that I am of the understanding that the authorities work on a 45 year age gap between parents and children so you could totally go for your age range or younger even.

Being a loving mummy and daddy is the most important thing, not how old you are.

I think that we adopters sometimes have to develop a thick skin as people who haven't been through the process make assumptions without any information and can say / do very hurtful things sometimes.

Families eh? Can be our greatest support, but can also be our biggest pain in the wotsit!!!

Good luck with panel, am sure you will sail through.


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi all on this thread! Good to hear all the success stories     I am on here today for a bit of a moan. I try not to moan but so fed up WAITING. We are having our last sw (and her boss) meeting next week and then to panel on 2nd August. My difficulty is it all wont happen quick enough. i keep getting excited at the thought of actually getting approved (fingers crossed) but then I feel what other obstacles will we need to surmount before/during/after panel. It is like a never ending road - like a marathon!!!


So tired of hoping and waiting...   Will it ever happen? Do you have any advice about taking your mind off it all. We are going on holiday sn but all I can think is ... right after the holiday there is the panel....Its hard work. Even our families I feel now are holding on .... waiting....waiting....


Sorry for the rant Ladies but I know and am comforted that you all understand out there...   


Waiting Noodles ! XX


----------



## snapdragon

Noodles I know how you feel, we have panel 27th July and are also going on holiday before panel. Keep worrying about everything being done on time, we have to have a 2nd opinion interview, and the sw can't come until a few days before our holiday. Everything needs to be done before our holiday as panel is a few days after.  Sorry I'm not really helping but you're not alone.


----------



## bluebabe

Noodles I agree the waiting is a killer but it will be worth it.  Our journey was full of delays and was quite frustrating at times but we only a few weeks now until our boys come home to us so stay strong Hun, enjoy your hol and soon enough it will be all go xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

​
Cantwaittobeamommy - Its such a more positive and exciting journey, I totally agree. Loving sharing your enthusiasm  

E3021 - Congratulations on your offical matching, excellent news 

Jules11 - Totally loved your post. Im always saying things work out for the best in the end, even when something that seems like a disaster at the time happens you always tend to look back and smile and think 'Ah thats why that happened'. so pleased you can now see a positive outcome 

Mamabud - Welcome  Are you set on your chosen LA? Did you 'shop around', prehaps look at a diff LA/VA if you dont seem to be getting anywhere fast. Go with the agency that feels right for you and gives you a positive warm feeling when you enquire. Good luck 

Greeniebop - How was Prep? 

Liveinhope - Not really sure, prehaps just mention it casually to your social worker so they know about it. Like its already been said - its prob better to be open and honest. You'll just get more stressed trying to 'hide' it, Im sure it wont be an issue - and even if you need to have another medical its just a formality and Im sure it wont slow the process or cause a problem. Hope you feel better soon 

Snapdragon -   You just cant choose your families can you, they can be a nightmare at times cant they. Just brush off the silly thoughtless comments your MIL made, thats just ridulous.

Noodles - Try and stay patient and  you are nearly there - hold on


----------



## Mamabud

Hi everyone.  Can't wait, I never really thought about shopping around?  I just thought you rang the nearest trust?  I found the initial contact fine -I rang again to-day and they were lovely.  They said the info should have arrived within a couple of days.  As I haven't received it, they will re-send.  I can understand that the waiting must be horrendous.  The good thing is that at the end of the tunnel is a child, who will benefit from a loving, secure home


----------



## rosie pie

Hi Ladies, I hope you don't mind if I join you, we are just attending prep groups at then mo in the hope that we can join an LA and start prep asap to adopt a child 0-2. I am loving reading your stories and had been following you for a while.

I wondered what you made of this - I went to an open morning recently and was told that this particular borough has *no *approved adopters at present, are doing a road show to recruit and are looking to get people approved and through panel within 6 mths. I was also told that they have several women whose other children have already been adopted who are pregnant for whom they don;t have adopters within their borough and the babies will be taken at birth. They have a prep course next wk then again in October. There was only one other woman there  . I was so shocked as I had imagined that i would be up for a fight to get on a prep course because of demand..........does this sound unusual?

Thank you so much to everyone who answered by doggy questions, you made me giggle x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Thanks Ladies. All your comments really do cheer me up and keep me going. Love to you all out there!     


Onwards and upwards!! Told my DH your replies as he struggles also. 


Back smiling Noodles    xx


----------



## bluebabe

Rosie p that sounds really promising then xx


I enquired with my la and didn't hear anything so I went to a neighbouring one.  They were more than willing to accept us and because they were a small la they put us at the top cos they can't place within their locality.  We ave been told that after three years we will be passed back to m la for ongoing support xx


----------



## oliver222

Rosie Pie - I think it very much depends on area you live. In my LA we have been told that are desperate for adopters (there are a lot of very deprived areas within the LA) and that they have a lot of young children. Average age of adopted child in my la is 18months.
I know two people who have just went through process in last few months. First who was approved 8 weeks now has a relinquished newborn living with them and other who was approved 3 weeks ago has already been linked with a 14 month old.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all,

Just a quick one as got back from 2 days at prep course to find out OFSTED are in school tomorrow....eek!!!!

Prep course was..... I really don't know what to say about it to be honest. So many of you felt empowered and positive but yesterday I came away so down in the dumps and today I feel more positive but my word it was tough going. Child abuse, grief, separation and loss with the 'A' team who refer to themselves as the 'worse case scenario' brigade and that's certainly how it felt. I really enjoyed hearing from an adopter as she put a real life perspective on it all but to be honest the SWs just talked at us for pretty much 2 days and that was hard going.

DH and I do feel though that we now feel better informed and perhaps some issues aren't quite as scary to us as they were before. To be honest I'm sure tomorrow I will feel much more positive but today i'm tired and stressed about work tomorrow so don't have a clear head.

We did meet a couple who live about 2 mins away which was nice and everyone on the course was lovely.

Sorry for the me post and the 'poor me' bit. I need to give myself a metaphorical slap and cheer up. X


----------



## Ally Wally

hi everyone,
well after chasing 2x, i finally heard back from the LA who said as much as they would like to schedule us a home visit, due to holidays and 'other commitments' this was unlikely to be before the end of july! so..more waiting! crikey....i am going to have learn some patience here! any tips for things to get cracking on with that would help in the long run? i am already volunteering in a childcare business and reading lots of books and blogs (in between fifty shades of grey that is ;-)

roise pie, i saw you were from kent, so i contacted the kent LA ( 2 counties away) asking the silly question of do you have to be in kent to apply throught the kent LA. i emailed them at 7.40am this morning and they called me back at 10am! they were so nice....but sadly due to resources, we cannot apply through them, we have to go with our local LA. but they were so amazing....she said she realises how important the initial call is....a life changing decison for some' and the least they can do is respect that and return your call! you are so lucky to be there....they really were so positive about it all.

greeniebop...sorry to hear you are finding the prep hard going..at least you met some new friends that are close by. when do you go back for the next session? i have heard the first 2 days are the hardest, so things will only get better.

xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi ally,

Days 3&4 are next week. I really hope you are right about first two days. Feeling a bit more positive tonight x


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi greeniebop - we had read so much and came back to adoption after having a last go at if treatment as the original info eve was very heavy and tbh almost deliberately off putting so know how it can seem. Our SWs did warn us some days would be tougher with heavy topic but they scheduled the more positive info til pastas they didn't want folks to be that put off. Im sure you will find Days 3/4 much better. Just think the new couple who live close may be someone you add to your support network too ;-)

Hi Ally - welcome ;-)
Waiting is tough there's no doubt about it. To keep busy, have your own wee nesting (I cleared out garage over a few weekends, painted garden fence and other "other day" jobs). If you are reading loads then rend her to record them.
Write out those you feel are part of your support network and how you think they will help you ( that took me ages in early stages whereas now I know who my real support is and could rhyme it off. Break the wait into bite sizes ie something to look forward to every month - even if it's just a dinner out with adults or seeing an adult film (the new batman is probably as high a rating as I go but know I won't take a LO :-D)
These really do help pass the time.

AFU - thanks for the well wishes. Really think my SW is ace and she came out last week with some info and ideas. No links but she did gives us something to really think about that would just be too perfect so alas back to waiting again but this time more positive and hopeful

Sorry about lack if personals - on phone so it's harder to keep up but I'm reading all your updates and fingers crossed for everyone x x


----------



## Jules11

Hi all,

Greeniebop, I thought our 1st day of prep was going quite well, 1 other couple and 2 single adopters.  I found the story's about the experiences of some of the children to be quite upsetting and became quite emotional at times.  1 of the single adopters (who happened to be an approved FC) was very upset, infact at times very dramatic with her reactions.  To be honest Me and DH found her quite difficult and attention seeking but really tried to build some relationships and listen to other views.  We felt much more at ease at the end of the 1st day and less like we were being watched and judged.

The start of the next day gave us a bit of a shock.  The SW told us the dramatic single adopter had been asked to leave,  she was not in the right frame of mind to adopt and would not be progressing through the process.  As you would imagine we were so on our guard for the rest of the course.  We very carefully considered every comment and worried about our reaction to every part of the course and worried how it would be judged.

The same SW was later introduced as our SW who would complete our HS.  With hindsight and after much reading about the needs of Adoptive Children we understood why this lady was not allowed to progress.  Her reactions and comments were all about how she felt and not about the effects on the children who would be adopted. 

I suppose what I'm trying to get across is that these children go through so much trauma and loss.  It is absolutley normal to feel upset and very sad about this and the effects it may have on them.  Feeling and expressing this is normal.  Our SW was concerned when the potential adopter got very upset that a child would not be ready to be her "fantasy" child,  her upset was about how this would affect her needs rather than the needs of the child.

Hope this makes some sense,  we are human,  we should be upset about the experiences these children have had. 

Jules.


----------



## Flash123

Hi everyone

I hope you don't mind me jumping in but I was hoping for a bit of advice. We are really new to this having only recently finished all treatment and stepped over from the dark side! WE are at the stage when we need to choose a LA/VA and this is where my quandry lays. I appologise in advance for he waffling you are about to endure ! 
Due to my job and involvment with my LA social services dh and I decided we would not use our LA so I spent Feb half term phoning a load of LA and since then have attending many open evenings/days. 

1 LA really stood out and I had a really great feeling about them. I had a 1:1 meeting with a sw and she explained they had a real shortage of adopters, loads of young babies and no wait for SWorkers. They were really keen for us to go there and asked us to get our CRB's sorted before obligatory 6 month post treatment wait so we would be straight ready to go when the 6 months were up. They asked me to phone in June to start the ball rolling.

Fast forward to yeasterday and I phoned I spoke to a diff sw who explained that they have recently lost staff. That due to the tremendously high number of children going into care (especially young babies) that they are way behind. They do not have time to look at initial apps/crb's etc and the soonest they could come to visit us for the official, initial interview is end of Aug/Sept. She said she has adopted herself and understood fully how awful the waiting is and suggested we go to a specific VA that they regularly place with. We hadn't even considered a VA because the LA were so keen, had so many babies and because i believed the VA placed harder to place children. I phoned the VA they were fab BUT when asked about placing babies they said 'it isn't a problem and we have even placed 18months to 2 year olds'! Not the 12 month year olds the LA were talking about.

So I suppose this is what I am asking:
Do we go with the LA - take the unknown waits but have more of a chance being placed with a baby
Or
Go with the VA who were fantastic, who said we can be on the Aug prep course but who were vague when asked about babies?  
\i just don't know who to believe.

Sorry to have waffled but i would love to hear about your experiences.

Take care xx


----------



## Ally Wally

thanks gertie...that was really helpful. i'll get cracking on all those great ideas. do we have to organise our own crb check's? 

jules, i loved your post. very interesting reading. it is all about the children isn't it....people have to remember that.

flash, sorry i am too much of a newbie to give you any advice. also we are not specifically looking for a baby but i am sure the other lovely ladies on here will have heaps of advice for you.

xx


----------



## flickJ

Hello Flash, welcome to the forum and good luck with your journey  

I'm sorry but I do not have an answer to your question, we have decided to go through a VA and are hoping for an older child because of our ages, but I hope you can find the answers you are looking for - lots of support and information on here


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hello lovely ladies and gents! So it has been 4 weeks now since we were approved at panel whoo hoo! Still no news from sw but the last 4 weeks has gone alot quicker than I thought and now only 8 weeks to go until we go National!! 

Has anyone else waiting to be matched had any progress?


----------



## Arrows

so many comments it's hard to remember all.
Newbies -HELLO!!! Flash, I'd talk to VA more and find out about them.
Liveinhope -I've been through the thyroid thing (over then under after treatment) -definitely tell them but make it clear you are being seen by the doctor and all under control. I imagine you are on either Carbimazol or carbimazol and thyroxine together -they usually eventually try to get you cured or underactive (free meds for life if under but not if over). 
Rosiepie -sounds great!

Waterkafufle- We had a meeting today. The 3 we asked more about have now all gone. However, we were shown 2 new profiles and read through Be My Parent today and picked 3 more to find out about if possible. The best news is that after going onto the National register yesterday, my SW received an email saying we are linked to a potential child already and to do XYZ and we call look at the profile asap. It feels good to know we were linked so quickly but at the same time after  the disappointments of the last 3 we wanted to find out more about I'm not getting excited until we actually find out that their SW likes us as much as we like them. An eternal waiting game, however our SW is absolutely convinced we will have a child home by Christmas!! 

AFU, on other news, I currently work as hourly paid and applied for a permanent position doing the same job at  college but higher pay. Had the interview and microteach today and will find out by next friday if I've gotten the job.


----------



## bluebabe

Hi to all our newbies, this is a fab site, everyone at different stages but so supportive xx


Flash I would speak to va, would it be possible to do prep course with them and then move to la?


Greenibop it will get better and they do give you so many horror stories Hun.  There were five couples on our course and one fella really showed himself up even making us think he would never get approved but he did eventually.  Hope the next two days go well, another day closer to your dream xx


Rosie are u a grey girl as well? I've read all three now and it makes me think how do we go about our marital duties when there are kids in the house? Not that we are anything like mr grey!!! Me and dh were laughing about it and I said you just say mummy and daddy are having special cuddles.  Anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about don't worry I've not gone round the bend! Xx


Well we now have a copy of our boys on DVD and I went round before to show my parents.  One of the boys is quite clearly calling the foster career mummy, I'm really concerned about this and have had words with our sw who has reassured us that she will speak to fc about this.  I'm just dreading being in their house when intros start but we will keep our mouths shut and just get on with it and focus on the boys xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi flash,
Welcome. No harm in finding out the va times ales. Once with the va you can go national (normally >3month)
My own feeling (based on my own experience) is 1. Go with who you feel can meet your needs and you have a feel for and 2. Review the timescales closely.
Your LA may be stretched at the moment but what if they fix themselves. They are still likely to place the younger ones in their own LA in reading these boards. And if they behind they may not put details of their children waiting for parents on the national reg/va as just back logged with paperwork so sti no guarantee of the younger child.
Lots to weigh up. To contradict this - the LA SW did suggest this as an option so it's maybe feasible and how the SWs are trying to do best by all their wee ones especially in these tight times.

Arrows that's really positive. Ps do u mean info sharing as I understand it's not a "link" until both u and children's SW want to take forward to MP (bit confused?

Waterk - since we been national, we've had 2prifiles sent to our SW (1v good). But she has proposed something else as an option which we are keener on (could be a longer wait tho).


----------



## GERTIE179

Bluebabe that's so exciting


----------



## liveinhope

Thanks for that Arrows. It backs up what I had already thought - to tell our SW but present it positively and show that it is being treated and therefore under control.  

On a brighter note Mr Snuffles is 2 tomorrow and he is being thoroughly spoilt.  Well he deserves it after all the happiness he has brought to our lives


----------



## Arrows

Gertie -we were told when your details go onto the NAR they match your information and criteria with children on their system then sent an email to your SW to tell them your profile has been linked to a child's and ask you if you want to find our more.


----------



## bluebabe

Gertie I never thought I would ever see those words and signs next to my name, thank you sweetie xx


Liveinhope, happy birthday for mr snuffles tomorrow, what a special day that will be xx


----------



## Ally Wally

my new found patience is paying off ladies....we have a home visit booked for 19th july!  eeeek...am excited but so nervous too. we'll be fine..i have a favourite saying by oscar wilde 'be yourself...everyone else is taken' .just got to try and get the 2 little dogs to behave. they are actually very well behaved but get very excited when people come round..usually just for the first couple of minutes but if you don't like dogs..it can be annoying. some more training i reckon ;-) or should i keep them separate from her on the first visit...doesn't seem right tho'

blue babe...gosh, watching that dvd must be so exciting.

liveinhope...hope you are enjoying that very special birthday.

flash, have you had any more thoughts about what to do?

hello to everyone else....more rubbish weather here.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Love that saying Ally. Our cats were a little crazy when SW came round and ended up with little girl cat sat on her lap with her bum in SW face. SW just said 'cat bum TV' and laughed. Your dogs ate part of the family

Ofsted gone and all is good with the world


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Are not ate!!!! Sure SW would worry if they ate part of the family!!!!!


----------



## watakerfuffle

Arrows & Gertie179  that's great you have been linked so quickly now you have gone national. All sounds very positive for you both, fingers crossed you get your match soon. x


----------



## Arrows

Thanks Watakerfuffle.

We got basic profile details about the NAR possible match and they are absolutely perfect! Never felt this strongly about a profile before and my heart seriously leapt! Please keep fingers crossed and pray if you do ladies -hoping that their SW and FF show an interest and want us as much as we want them and also that we hear back from them very quickly either way. This could still end up as another dead end but I very much hope not.


----------



## flickJ

Everything crossed for you Arrows, I do so hope it will be good news for you


----------



## DizzyPip

Hope you get some good news arrows. Lots of wishes coming your way.


----------



## DizzyPip

Lots of positive vibes coming your way arrows. Let's hope you get everything you wish for, good luck. X


----------



## nutmeg

Fingers crossed Arrows   

Good luck for your meeting next month Ally.

Liveinhope, hope Mr Snuffles has had a fabulous 2nd birthday   

I had my individual session with SWr yesterday and it was great, really relaxed and we laughed a lot too. He described me as confident, natural and a positive role model for girls and women    
He goes away for a fortnight this weekend, so by tomorrow he is going to have contacted all our referees so he can meet them when he gets back, he's sent the reference letter to DDs school, has arranged DH's individual session for when he gets back and will meet DD when she breaks up in 4 weeks. Everything feels like it's coming together nicely and he's hoping for panel in August, if not it will be september, yay!


----------



## skyblu

Fingers crossed for you Arrows. Good luck.x
Skyblu.xx


----------



## oliver222

Good Luck Arrows


----------



## Loski

Good luck arrows xx


----------



## racheypache13

Hi everyone,
Great to read so many positive stories on here at the moment, they really keep me going while we are waiting.......
Today I missed a call from our SW  She has sent us an email saying she is on leave for two weeks but today gave our report to a child's social worker to read. We assume we are the only ones involved as asked not to know about 'competitive matches'. Can I ask if anyone else has been told this and what the chances are of something happening from this? One minute I'm really giddy then the next trying not to get my hopes up! DH usual laid back self  but I can't stop thinking about it!
Help!
Rachey


----------



## laura0308

Hi all,

Flash - we had always said we wanted as young a baby as possible as my DH had felt he had missed our BS (his step-son's) baby years and didn't want to miss out again but when we were matched with an amazing 18 month old we fell in love and age became unimportant. DH now says that it was the perfect age as he is still young enough to take on our characteristics and attitudes but he has this amazing spirit that we learn from every day.  So I think I would think carefully as to whether the 6 months age difference is a deal breaker or whether the time waiting is more important.  You never do know what you will be match with.

Arrows - lots of      . Good luck you deserve some.

Rachey - same thing happened to us (and our SW was going on hols) and the result was the beautiful little tornado sleeping up stairs - so crossing fingers your ending will be as amazing as ours.

Lots of love to everyone else.

L
X


----------



## rosie pie

Hi Ladies, as usual I am enjoying following your stories and am so excited for all of you who are being matched or have been matched at present.


I hope no one minds me asking but has anyone got experience of adopting  a baby who parent or parents have mental health problems or learning disabilities - the reason I ask is that we are having our first visit from Sworker on Thursday and have already been told that they have several women who are pregnant whose babies will be taken at birth - none of them are alcohol or drug dependant so i can only assume that they have either one of the problems I have outlined. I am really trying to read as much as i can on Chromasomal/genetic mental health and learning disabilities but does anyone have a good book or article to recommend. 


I had posted these two questions as a new thread but no one has answered and I am a bit worried I may have offended people - really don't want to though!


I will be very grateful for any advice please  


hope everyone has a lovely weekend


----------



## bluebabe

Rosie that's not always the case. The babies may be removed because of domestic violence and she may have had other children removed.  Some mental health probs are not genetic but are environmental, keep an open mind and see what sw says.  Xx


----------



## PEJ

I haven't written on here for a while. 
Good luck Arrows - fingers crossed for you. 
Rosie Pie - I think you need to consider the environment and understand that the effects of the environment are stonger than the genetics (in some cases). A baby as young as 6 months you will have ground to help them develop positively. However, I would find out as much as possible from the SW's etc. Good luck

I am trying to get on with life as normal as possible and not keep waiting for news from our SW. It has only been 1 month since panel. I have been up and down this week. It is such a surreal rollercoaster of feelings. We have registered with CWW. I wish I had a crystal ball so I could see into our future. I do however feel lucky to have my DH and the life we do have to offer to our LO wherever they might be.  

Good Luck to everyone xxxxxx


----------



## Flash123

Thank you all so much for your replies and advice. It is so lovely to be able to ask people who have actually been there instead of all the well meaning advice you recieve from people who care for us but have seen or heard reports on the news and truly believe they are adoption experts. 

Laura putting it like, i see what you mean.  It wasn't so much the age of children that VA talked about that worried me, though that is a consideration ( when i say we want a baby i mean a LO under 2 as we never in a million years thought we would be able to adopt a baby under 18 months) It was more the way she said it IYKWIM. It was more 'oh we have once or twice', hesitating then 'oh it shoudn't be a problem...really' She said it as if it really wasn't the norm and that made me a little concerned. Also i suppose the LA was a little like having a carrot dangled - telling us they have so many young babies. But you are right - YOUR baby is out there some where and who knows the age - 6 months is nothing. 

But I am soooo excited because we have sent off an initial forms to a LA and a VA to arrange a visit and discuss in more detail our concerns. I can't remember the last time i felt so positive about something. TX really does knock the stuffing out of you. 

I always thought that the home study would be the difficult part of adoption due to the types of questions they need to ask and ? as to whether or not you would be approved but ladies - it seems so tough on those of you who have been matched and are now waiting. I really do hope that you are matched with YOUR perfect LO soon XXXX


----------



## watakerfuffle

PEJ I feel your pain, all this waiting and no news is hellishly hard. Heres hoping we both get some good news very soon x


----------



## Arrows

Flash, you are a sweetheart! You're going through so much yourself and yet still thinking of us!

We are all going something and ladies we have strength to deal with where we are at. We get through it because we must to survive or to reach our desires. We all know that to reach our goal we will and have gone through hell and back but whatever point we are at -whether trying for a baby, treatment, waiting for the time to pass to apply, emotional time of homestudy, panel, waiting for a match, adjusting to a child in our lives, dealing with our children as they grow -we are all going through something and life is never easy! BUT, it is worthwhile and that's why we cling to our goals and work to reach our dreams.


----------



## bluebabe

Well said arrows xx


----------



## PEJ

Thank you watakerfuffle.  Well said Arrows - thank you   xx


----------



## E3021

*Nutmeg* - so glad HS is going well, your SW sounds ace.

*Skyblu* - how are you? hope things are moving positively for you now.

*PEJ and Waterkerfuffle* - hope you find you LOs soon, sending crossed fingers for you that the wait is soon over.

*Arrows* - hope things have gone positively with NAR possibility, sending  that it all works out perfectly.

*Flash123* - good luck and hope you get exactly what you're dreaming of.

Hi to everyone else, hope that wherever you are on your journey it's moving forward and feeling positive.

*AFU* - we meet our LOs tomorrow, literally beside myself with excitement - it's been a long wait, made easier by fantastic FCs who've kept us informed of their developments etc etc. House scrubbed, freezer stocked, car seats in, pushchair understood, me ready and waiting!!!


----------



## bluebabe

E3021 how exciting, bet u won't sleep tonight! Xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

E3021 - wishing you all the best for tomorrow. Will be thinking of you 

Last day of prep course today. Much better day today and feeling anxious and excited in equal measures. We should hear in the next few weeks about SW and starting HS. Absolutely shattered!!!

Hope you are all well. Will pop back on and catch up properly but sleep beckons at the moment x


----------



## Flash123

wow E3021 - how exciting. Have a wonderful day. No more sleeps! 
Greeniebop - nice thought that every step now is a step closer - HS will be here before you now it !


----------



## Ally Wally

E3021...can't wait to hear how it all goes.....sooooo exciting!

greeniebop...glad to hear things at the prep starting to to look up....i'll be following you closely on this 'crazy train' as you are a couple of steps ahead of me. hope you managed to chill a bit and get some sleep.

am sure this question has been asked loads but is it worth joining adoption uk? my dh says its alot of money and the website doesn't actually explain what benefits there are from joining other than the mag, the library service and being able to post on the boards. do the sw's expect you to join?


----------



## bluebabe

Ally wally I didn't join and wasn't forced to either.


E1230 you are meeting your lo today! Have lots of fun xx


Girls can I just ask, what is an appreciation day? I've been told its a day that u meet everyone who has been involved with the children, but I've been told it lasts literally all day? Xx


----------



## MrsYG

Allywally - You can join AUK and posts on the boards without paying anything at all.  Once we were approved our LA paid for our full membership, so you get the magazine etc... 
E3021 - How exciting, hope you have had a lovely morning with your LO's?  Meeting our LO seems like a lifetime ago now! haha!  Enjoy, and take lots of pictures becuase they change every day! xx
Hello to everyone else, sorry I just don't have time to keep up with the posts anymore, but do pop on from time to time for a quick browse when LO is having his nap.  He is such a loving little boy, and gives the best cuddles  xx
Good Luck everyone! xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Sorry I have been Missing In Action recently - I seem to be saying this a lot recently  

Im exhausted ladies   Just totally drainned. So much has been happening, mainly exciting positive things but it seems to of taken its toll. Im sooo sleepy today, covered in spots (more than ive had since my teenage years  ) and ulcers on my toungue. Im wrecked!

Work has been unbelievably busy requiring lots of overtime and just general running around - the usual scenario of not enough time to keep up with the demands of the department  

Had a full day with social worker at the weekend, went well although we felt we didnt really discuss anything new, just seem to be going over the same stuff now, I suppose its just making sure all the details are their for our PAR. We've got our individual home study sessions next week then theres just one last joint session after that then we are all done and dusted until panel. We briefly discussed matching at the weekend and the social worker said he is starting to keep an eye out for any possible matches for us that may cross his desk. We mentioned that we had an eye on a little one we saw on BPM and if he is still available in sept once weve been to panel we want more info on him. He's going to look into that for us   Apparently we dont need to wait before going national due to us being with a VA, so we can enquire about any child any where in the country as soon as we are approved, which is a positive.

Arrows - Have you heard anymore about the national profile you were feeling excited about?

E3021 - How is your 1st day with your LO's?

Bluebabe - Do you know when you start intro's with you little lads?

Hello everyone else. Sorry for the 'me' post and lack of personals - Im just not keeping up at the min


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi bluebabe, we talked about an appreciation day yesterday on the prep course. we were told that it takes a day but only because it incorporates a meeting in the morning to go through the introduction schedule, a meeting with all of the people who have been involved with LO (medical advisor, SW, FC, teachers etc) and then its the first introduction. Thats how our LA does it apparently so hope that helps. x


----------



## bluebabe

Thanks greenie xx


CAN'T WAIT - yes we meet our boys on 30th July so not too long now, compared to others this part of our journey seems to be taking forever its ridiculous xx


----------



## Poochie1111

Just bobbing on quickly to wish E3021 all the best for tomorrow. You must be soooooo excited (and a bit nervous too).  Enjoy!


----------



## Arrows

E3021 -congrats and hope today went really, really well!

AFU, thanks everyone for asking -been a week now and no news at all from our social worker so no idea about whether anything will happen. I'd also applied for a permanent job in my department and found out today I didn't get it.  With two more assignments left to do by Friday I'm exhausted and feeling very down today.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi Everyone

Sorry not been on and posted for  while been busy with home study and homework but its all worth it,

we've just had 1 to 1's this week so thats 3 sessions of homestudy done now almost half way our sw is on holiday next week but we have our next visit booked in for as soon as shes back in work. its moving very quickly now getting nervous but very excited.

hope everyone is doing well

lots of love

Emma xx


----------



## E3021

Hi everyone, thank you for all the lovely well wishers! 

We have now spent the last three days with our beautiful children. Meeting them was absolutely magical, couldn't have been better, both so absolutely beautiful!

We did bath time and bed time yesterday (well and pretty much everything else), our eldest greeted us at the door with a big grin - she remembered us!

This morning we were there to wake them up and getting a smile from each cot at 7:30am was one of my most special moments ever! We stayed all day, went out in the pushchair and in the car, managed to change a nappy in a toilet cubicle and poor old DH had to deal with a massively dirty nappy and then a little bare bottom that did a massive wee!!!!

We are so in love, we keep crying with joy! This makes everything worthwhile.   

Sorry for the me post, but brain is too addled to take in everyone else's news.!


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## flickJ

Oh I'm so happy to hear your news of your beautiful family    

  Congratulations


----------



## bluebabe

E1234 I am so happy for u and can't wait for my turn now xx


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## Dreams do come true

E1234 So happy for you! Enjoy your LO's, they sound perfect!


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## Poochie1111

Hi everyone


E3021 - great to hear intros are going so well. Your LOs sound so lovely. Just think they'll be home with you soon.   


Arrows - sorry to hear about the job and I can't believe you haven't heard from your SW yet.  Really hope they get in touch soon with some good news for you.   


YG - lovely to hear things are going so well with your LO.


Emma - sounds like things are progressing well for you and you've got a SW that will move things along.


Not too much to update on my end.  Having lots of appointments with various professionals at the moment. Meeting our LO's FC in a week.  I have a million questions!! We go to matching panel at the end of July and hopefully start intros end Aug all being well.  I really thought things would speed up a bit once you've been matched as it's in the interests of the child to get them placed as soon as possible, but alas no!! I was daft to think that


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## Poppets Mammy

E3021 - Fantastic news, really pleased Intro's are going well. How has the forster carer been with you? You were worried about the LO's calling her mommy, is everything turned out OK in the end? When do they come home?

Emma - Wow things are really moving for you aren't they. Fingers crossed it continues  

Arrows -  Your not having an easy time are you. Hopefully things will take a more positive turn soon  

MrsYG - Glad things are still going well, we all enjoy your little updates  

Bluebabe & Poochie - Its crazy that they can still drag the process out once your matched. It should be quicker, you'd think they would want the little ones out of the system and where they belong.   Not long now thou in the whole scheme of things, bet every day feels like a week though while your waiting. When do you both start your adoption leave, once intro's start?? 

Hello everyone else xx


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## bluebabe

Can't wait, Im a teacher so finish July, leave starts when they are placed in aug but at least I have about ten days before I meet them so can get last min jobs done xx


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## Poppets Mammy

Ah thats worked out canny for you bluebabe   what about your DH? In fact this is a question for everyone - How did you or how do you plan to arrange the leave for the adopter who isn't taking the most time off? Does their 2 weeks or so start during intro's or once the LO's home? Just interested on how ppl have done it, might get some ideas for when its our time.

Xx


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## bluebabe

Dh is taking two weeks hol during intros then two weeks paternity xx


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## Poochie1111

Can't wait - we're pretty much doing the same thing as blue babe.  DH's paternity will start at the same time as intros and then he's taking an extra two weeks as hols.  I have also been saving all my holidays so I can leave early.  I'll probably leave work about 10 days before intros start as well.


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

We've been allocated a SW for our HS......woo hoo!!!!

Back on later as need to get tea but so excited


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## Poochie1111

Good news Greeniebop    you can get going!!


----------



## bluebabe

Great news greeniebp xx


There's a sale on in early learning centre online and if u enter promo code "crocodile" you get an extra 20 percent off I've just ordered loads lol xx


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## peacelily

Ooooh, thanks Bluebabe - just ordered DS' Christmas present using that code, a Playmobil Knight's Castle!!


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

woo hoo HS starts next Wednesday with planning meeting.....sooooooooo excited  x


----------



## flickJ

Congratulations, another milestone you have passed - I'm so pleased for you, great news


----------



## DizzyPip

Wow Greenibop! Hope we are that quick. Just got our last day of the prep study on Friday. We met some lovely people on the course who we are definitely going to keep in touch with. Good luck with the next stage. Xx


----------



## bluebabe

Peace lily I love a bargain xx


Greeniebp that's great news Hun xx


Well only 27 more sleeps til we meet our boys and the time is dragging.  Finished toddler room now but the baby's room looks like a bomb site.  Im panicking now that the house won't be ready in time I'm so tired all the time but at least one room is out the way then I can get started on the welcome books xx


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Wow blue babe, you have such exciting times ahead. I wouldn't be able to sleep. Everything will come together perfectly.

Thanks flick and dizzy I get the feeling adoption is high on the current gov's agenda so the process is moving much quicker. Fingers crossed for you x


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## bluebabe

Think that's the prob greenie I can't sleep of a night so am shattered when I gt home from work but yes it's all exciting xx


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## newmum

Hi Everyone

I can't believe it we had our first SW visit yesterday and set for our course in September.

Whoop Whoop fingers crosses I will be a Mum  x


----------



## flickJ

That's such fantastic news for you, Newmum2b - bet you're so excited about september, it will be here in no time   I'm sure you will find a lot to do while you are waiting  and the time will fly by


----------



## AoC

Lovely to see the progress on here!  

Can't Wait - hang on in there, sweetheart!  Sounds like you're majorly run down.  Are you taking your vitamins?  I find the Beroca type Vit Bs and C really useful.  (((hugs)))

Sorry I've been absent - off on hols and then we've got back to a broken boiler *eyeroll*.  Day 5 without hot water or heating....  

Home study is continuing nicely - we had a good session yesterday looking at real children's profiles, but not for us, just for examples.  We were both really emotional, not least because the children all had much fewer issues (apart from the obvious separation and trauma of adoption) than we'd expected.  I felt I could easily have opened my heart to them all.  

Onwards and upwards.


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## newmum

thanks flickj..  Can't wait x


----------



## bluebabe

Girls I need some advice please I am so angry.  I had only told a couple of people in work about adoption because I wanted to wait until it was all confirmed then one of the bosses announced it in the staff room today while I wasn't there. Do u think this will jinx everything? I can't stop crying.  I was going to tell people but not yet.  I had told a couple that it was two boys and their names omg I should not have said anything I'm devastated


----------



## nutmeg

Awww bluebabe, please don't worry, it won't jinx anything     It's awful when somebody breaks a confidence like that, but try not to let it worry you to much, you will have your boys home soon   

Sorry I've been awol again, will start reading through the last few pages now!!

Hope everyone is okay, looking forward to reading back. DH has his individual session next week and with SWr being away, it seems like ages since we've seen him


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## bluebabe

Thanks nutmeg I'm just being a crank xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww bluebabe that's awful (it will not have jinxed anything)..... But that's your news to share. Bad boss!!!   

Sending lots of orange vibes and good surges to make up and put your good mood back x x


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## bluebabe

Thankyou gertie xx. I no people are happy for us I think it's a mix of emotions I'm feeling and deffo lack of control, our sw popped in and I even cried to her. Well I'm also full of a cold and due on as well xx


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## Arrows

Sounds like everything piled on you at once and no doubt, Bluebabe, that you needed to let some stress out so a good thing you had a big cry in my opinion! I'm sure you'll be fine and be glad once they're home but it's a real shame that your boss had so little self control or common sense to tell the gossips to stop talking.

AFU, the national register has now produced a number of potential links and at the minute waiting to hear back from 2 SWs about children. Back to the point where profiles have been exchanged, we've expressed interest and we're waiting to see if they like us and want to go further. I swear this is the point that you really need high self esteem! 
Other than that:
+ I'm finally finished my teaching course and just waiting on the certificate to be a fully qualified teacher

+ On the job front, although I didn't get the permanency I wanted I have been given lots of teaching hours and a great deal more responsibility. This is a good step in terms of progression within my career and not only that but I have been asked to teach GCSE Biology too, through another department. I normally work with only special needs at very low levels but it was my course tutor who recommended me to the other department so at least someone speaks highly of me!! I was (and am still!) very disappointed that they didn't pick me for permanency and a lot of other staff members are of the opinion that it was fixed and ulterior motives were at play (especially given my boss knows about my adoption plans). I find the gossip harder to deal with in a way because I try to think positively of people and avoid gossip because it's too easy to get drawn in and lose track of the truth. 
Sorry for moan! I personally dislike the person who got the job and find it difficult to act professionally with her because I constantly doubt her sincerity and honesty. I find her a challenge when trying to follow my Christian beliefs and the command to love everyone and try to see the value and good in each person. 
The extra teaching hours and responsibility do help me feel valued and I believe it is a deliberate move on behalf of my boss in light of the permanency outcome. 

Anyhow, taking my friend's kids (5&6) camping this weekend so ought to get organised!


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hi All and hello newbies!

No news with me, nearly 7 weeks approved and still haven't seen any profiles as basically our LA has no children for us :O( 

We have seen a little one on BMP that we really like and feel strongly about but we are not sure if we are allowed to make any inquiries yet as we are not on the National register. We are waiting to hear back from SW as to whether we can. Does anyone else on here have any experience of this, were you aloud to inquire about children on BMP or CWW prior to going National? 

Ahhhh what an emotional roller coaster!!

How is everyone else getting on? xx


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## peacelily

Arrows - we are also camping this weekend, where are you going?!  We're going to the New Forest (DS asked if it was a proper forest, with Gruffalos in   ).  Weather's not looking great   

Watakerfuffle - we enquired about children in CWW and BMP right from the outset, I don't think it's a problem...the only problem you may find is with budgets - it costs a LA so much more to place a child outside their area   .

To everyone else, hang in there   

Peacelily xx


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## Poochie1111

Good luck to those camping this weekend.  Hopefully you don't live in the north like me, it's been raining cats and dogs today. Take your wellies   


Arrows - great to hear things are moving (although v slowly).  Hope one of the links comes good for you.


Bluebabe - I would be totally furious at that manager.    Like you, I've only told a couple of people I trust (inc my line manager) and I can't wait to be able to announce my news once we've been through matching panel. They've basically taken your special moment away from you.


WK - hope you hear some good news soon.


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi arrows,

Congrats on passing your teaching course. I am a fellow Biology teacher. I am currently trying to get head od dept to amend my timetable as next year will have 9 GCSE groups!!!!!!! Could finish me off.


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## bluebabe

Much better today thanks girls. Know u all understand xx


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## flickJ

Glad you are feeling better, Bluebabe   , we all have have our off days but I'm sure it will all work out for you  

That's what we are here for        All the best, hun


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## bluebabe

Thanks Flickj xx


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## Jules11

Hi everybody,

Bluebabe, you must have been so angry  .  

I start a new role on Monday,  its a promotion within my department but a new boss who I've met only once and that was during my promotion interview.  My dilemma is ... do I tell him that I am going to adoption approval panel on 19th July.  We were deferred at out last panel so I have told very few people when we go back to panel,  it was so upsetting last time, we told so many people because we were really assured it would be just approved.  

An ofsted inspector present at panel and a very persistent panel member meant we were deferred for information that could really have been coverd on the day  .  Now I feel like we'd be tempting fate to tell too many people.  

I know it could be a very long time before we are actually matched with a LO. So I would like to prove myself in my new job before telling the new boss I could be taking a year off.   On the other hand I know our SW started looking for matches back in May when we originally attended panel so it could be a fairly quick match    I don't want to join the team and just leave without giving any warning  .

Just not sure what to do for the best.  Any advice would be very welcome.

Jules.


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## bagpuss1

Hello,
Can I join you all please? I have just been allocated a social worker to do my initial assessment in 2 weeks time having waited 6 weeks from my intial meeting. This seems like such a scary process. I have to keep telling myself to take one stage at a time and stopping myself from predicting what is going to happen. 

I havent spoken to or seen my mum in 7 years now. I have a good support network in plece already and there really isn't anyone missing from it. Im worried that they will want to speak to her about me. We fell out and I have very little/no intention of rebuilding a relationship with her or having her in my daughters or any subsequent siblings life. I really do not want her knowing anything about my life. I am really worried that this will prevent me from continuing. I dont mind explaining why we dont have a relationship and have been through both mediation and counselling.

Any ideas..or am I just running away with myself??

Thanks,
Bagpuss


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## bluebabe

Bagpuss, I've always thought it best to be honest, your sw is there to listen and advise and I'm sure once u explain the reasons about your mum they will understand xx


----------



## bagpuss1

Thanks Bluebabe,


I am happy to be honest with the Social Worker and wouldn't be any different. I am just really hoping that they can get past her and see how good, consistent and settled my life is without her in it! I just don't want her involved! I'm happy for my ex-wife to be interviewed and anyone else they feel is relevant...just not my mum!


I guess I just have to wait and see!


Good Luck to everyone on their journeys! Im hoping to become a regular poster here now my journey is getting started!


BP


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## bluebabe

Hi girls, hope everyone has had a good weekend, been busy washing bedding, baby grows and pj's ready for my boys, cried when I saw washing line, only 22 more sleeps xx


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## Dreams do come true

Hi all, 

Just wanted to check in and say hello, no time for personals but I'll be back tomorrow night as soon as the most nerve racking day ever is over 

Tomorrow I have my medical...I have been dreading it for a while! The medical is at 11.45 and then I have an interview for a job I really want (but probably won't get) but I only found out about both a few days ago so haven't really had time to do much prep 

Oh well....fingers crossed the most important thing (medical) goes well, if it does we have a provisional panel date of 23rd October  

I'll let you all know how I get on, and will be back with personals tomorrow. 

As always good luck to everyone, where ever in the process you are x x x x x


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## Flash123

Can'twait - good luck... Will be thinking of you, by tonight it will be another 'Hurdle' out of the way and you will be 1 step closer to your dream xxxx


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## bluebabe

Good luck with your medical today hunny xx


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## AoC

Good luck Can'tWaitTo...  !!  I'm sure it'll go smoothly, and best of luck for your interview, too.  Hang on in there, sweetheart, this, too, shall pass.  ((((hugs))))

I'm currently working on lists of local facilities for children and a 'timeline' of significant events in my life.  Kinda fun.


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## nutmeg

Hope today has gone well Can'twait......


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi everyone  

I am being hopeless at keeping up and posting at the min  

Im still feeling really run down. I just feel so exhausted. Im physically shattered and emotionally drainned. I think Im stressed - but honestly dont know why. I can't explain how Im feeling or why, but Im gonna take a few 'me' days and chill out and try to re-charge my batteries. 

AOC - Good idea about the vitamins, gonna give that a go, Thanks  

Bluebabe - Cant believe your boss was so unthoughtful   How dare they break your confidentiality like that. However its no biggy in the whole scheme of things, deff dont think it will jinx you or anything. Loved your post about the little clothes on the washing line, how amazing. Although your journey seems to be moving slightly slow now compared to others since matching, atleast you've had plenty time to get organised and reflect on your journey so far and get excited for whats to come. Cant wait to hear about your 1st meeting with your boys. Eeeeee only 21 more sleeps now  

Arrows -   on finishing your teaching course, well done  

Cant't wait - Hope your medical has gone well and helped to reduce your worries. Also good luck for the interview  

 to everyone else

xx


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## flickJ

Can't wait, big hugs to you       I think that's what you need, to take a break from everything for a while, don't stay away too long    

Look after yourself, hun


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## bluebabe

Can't wait, u do what's best for u Hun, we will all be here to support you when u are ready.  I know it has gone really slowly since we were matched and I will let rip once we have our boys xx


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## Mrs ABA

Hello there


Sorry I haven't been online much so haven't managed to keep up with all your news. As things start to get moving with us, I will be on much more.
We had the 1st day of the prep course today.  Really interesting stuff.  Got to meet lots of nice people too.  I figure it is a bit like our equivalent of a NCT class. Still waiting for social worker allocation - our VA likes us to do the prep course first.  Hope it isn't too long.  V excited about it all!


Anyway, there was something that really intrigued me that the trainer said.  She said to avoid too much contact in the first month or so with your extended family and friends, as the child needs to get used to his or her new parents.  I wanted to ask our recent adopters whether they thought that was true.  Will be a hard thing to tell our parents, if it is good advice.


Many thanks!


A
x


----------



## katie c

hi everyone

i doubt anyone remembers me, i got totally frustrated at about how long our process was taking with our LA i took my bat and ball home and stopped posting.   i think most of the people who started the process at the same time as me have been matched for months by now...

but anyway finally after numerous delays and hurdles we finally got our BFAP today, with the manager meeting the decision maker on the 19th.   

we are with the same LA as poochie so here's to a match as speedy and positive as hers


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## E3021

*Mrs ABA* - hi! Our two LOs came home for good last week and they have met both sets of grandparents already - just an hour for each set and we haven't seen anything detrimental. All SWs involved agreed to it and the FC recommended that we go for it.

We are lucky I guess in that ours are really young, have been in a wonderful Foster placement since birth and are used to a house with adults popping in for a chat etc.

Our eldest went straight to both sets at just the right level - friendly but a bit wary to begin with. As for my little pickle, well at 6months she will cuddle anyone who will let her pull her hair / grin at her in a silly fashion!

We always thought we'd have to be very careful about meeting people but grandparents are really important and we've just decided to go at a pace that suits our family - they haven't met anyone else yet, but will be meeting aunties and uncles over the next 2 weeks and then some of our friends after that.

I think as long as we are there with them and there are gaps between visits then our LOs will cope.

Basically, I think you'll just have to wait and see the individual LO(s) that you get matched with to find out the answer to this one.

Good luck!


----------



## Arrows

My mum is a family placement social worker and she used to tell her adopters to wait a while so the kids can bond with you and learn to look to you for their care, needs met, security etc. However, now she's on the possible receiving end of all of this as a grandparent (not that we're matched yet) she now say to go at a pace that suits their family. She's insisting when we get ours (likely to be under a year old) that we have to skype with them every day and then I'll be lucky if she holds off a week from visiting!
Skype is a useful tool so letting family see the child but not meet them yet.


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## liveinhope

E3021, I asked this question a while ago as we were getting conflicting information from ours and LO's social worker.  In the end we waited a week and on the advice of LO's worker we introduced him briefly to parents.  There were no ill effects to this.  As much as I would listen to the professionals, you will start to know your children and what they can cope with.


----------



## E3021

*Liveinhope* - I agree, we have just had a second visit from DH's parents, they stayed just over an hour and although our eldest was (appropriately) shy at first, she did engage in some play with them that was lovely for all. We are being careful not to let anyone but us do feeding, changing etc.

For the other 23 hours of today, the only adults they see are me and DH. We are taking it one day at a time and one visit at a time!

Just wanted to say that this has been the best two weeks of my life, since we met our LOs. They've been home a week now and we are so proud of how well they have settled, both with us and into our home!

We had a picnic yesterday and our youngest did such a big poo that she needed a full clothing change - in the middle of a field! It was quite an experience!   But we giggled our way through it and she was soon warm and clean again!


----------



## bluebabe

E3021 I love reading your posts as u know we are matched with two lo's and can't wait xx


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## DizzyPip

Hi All,

What lovely snippets of your lives with your little ones? So nice to hear, makes you feel warm and fuzzy?

I need a bit of help if you don't mind. We are filling out all the paper work ready for our home study and we need to write our pen picture and I'm not really sure what to include. I have made a start and not sure if Im heading in the right direction!

Any comments would be really appreciated.  

Thanks 

Pip
X


----------



## E3021

*Bluebabe* - not too many sleeps for you now I think until you meet your LOs? It's worth the wait, absolutely wonderful.  Looking forward to hearing about your joys when you meet them.xx


----------



## Mrs ABA

Thanks E3, Liveinhope and Arrows, that all sounds good advice.  Skype sounds a good plan too.  It is easier for my parents to just ask them to pop in for an our or so as they live locally, but DH's folks are 3 hours drive away (and adoptive parents themselves of DH's bro), so it might be a harder sell to them.  But anyway, hark at me - I haven't even started on the home study!


I was given the name of my social worker though, so today feels like some progress!


Dizzy  -I will have to do the pen picture soon, so would be interested in what people say.


E3 - your post made me smile!  


Good luck Bluebabe and Katie hope things go quickly for you.


A
x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hello!

I hope everyone's well, lot's happening...which I like to see 

Thank you all for your good luck wishes x

First things first....my medical went well, I needn't have worried (I don't think) although we'll see what the medical advisor says. DH had his at the same time with a different, not as nice doc...and a few concerns came up, first thing is that his BMI is 41.8, and he is at 0.7% in 10 years of heart problems (the cardio test thingy mi jiggy), his blood pressure was high, but he suffers white coat syndrome! It's ok until he gets to the surgery! Anyone think this is going to be a problem?

Secondly....I have just got a promotion!!!! I got the job  It means a 50% pay rise...and not much much work  Same company so SW didn't see it being a problem. Happy happy happy.

Dizzypip - good luck, I can't help I'm afraid as I have no idea what a pen pic is (?) x

E3021 - Ha! Glad you're enjoying your LO's, you have lot's mor ehappy times and funny memories ahead of you x

Bluebabe - eeeeek! Not long, I'm counting down the days for you x

Arrows - I hope you get matched very soon x

Katie - Wooooooooo  Congratulations!!!!!! x

Mrs ABA - Glad you're first day of prep went well x

Can't wait - sorry you're feeling low hun, I was the same a couple of weeks back. Lot's of hugs    I hope some time out helps you to recover. x

Flick, AoC, Flash, Nutmeg - thank you x I hope everything is well with you all x

Liveinhope - I hope you and your LO are doing well x

Bagpuss - Welcome aboard the adoption roller coaster! Good luck chick x

Jules - Congratulations on the promotion! You and I are in the same boat...I am going to wait to tell my new boss for a month a so, but I feel awful about it   The way I see it is....I wouldn't tell him when ttc, and I think until approval panel we're tta (trying to adopt) which is the same thing (almost, kind of, sort off )

Sorry if I missed anyone x

As always good luck to you all whereever you are on your journey xx


----------



## skyblu

E3021 - so lovely to hear the little stories of you little darlings, I had a good chuckle about the big pooh in the field 

Cant wait - Congratulations on the promotion and so pleased your medical wasn't so bad, I am sure other people who have had the same or similar worries about your dh's medical will tell you there probely wont be a problem, I think (not 100%) if dh shows he is trying to bring down his BMI that will go in his favour. 

Katie c -  Congratulation on getting approved.

Hello to everyone else and hope everyone is o.k where ever you are in the proses 

AFU - Not long to go now    

Skyblu.xx


----------



## PEJ

E3021 - Congratulations on your LO's being home with you and having a wonderful few weeks. This has made me smile and given me hope that our waiting will all soon feel like a long way away. 

Sorry I haven't been on here for a while. 

love to you all x


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## AoC

Congratulations CWTBAM!!!!  That's great news, and I'm sure your DH's medical will be okay. 

*waving*


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi ladies, first HS visit tonight and the cats bought a bird in who pooped everywhere and then the cats threw up!!!!! 

Will pop back on later x


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## bluebabe

Enjoy your Hs greeniebp xx
Cantwattobeamummy, I no how worried u were bout medical and job and now u have gotten thru bth well done u xx


Hope everyone is ok xx


Got some pressies in work today cried as usual, god knows what I will b like at the end of term next thursx


We goto matching panel mon afternoon, any ideas on what they will ask? Xx


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## Greeniebop is a mummy

Bluebabe, can't help on questions but just wanted to wish you all the best. So excited for you. Enjoy every minute and let people make a fuss of you; after this mammoth journey, you certainly deserve it x


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

Hi everyone sorry don't get time to read and keep up to date.
Just wanted to let you all know we have done it. Today we were granted the adoption order a very happy mummy and daddy    Bubba has been walking round saying happy all day bless her she has no idea what has happened. For all of you just starting on this journey stay strong there really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow 
matching panel from what I can remember they asked why we thought we were the right parents for Bubba, what we could offer her, what were our plans for the future, how had we prepared the other children in our lives, just general questions really, Bubba had a health issue and they asked us how we felt and would be prepared if it became a big issue later on. Hope that helps and good luck, sleep and sleep and get more sleep.


----------



## bluebabe

Aaaaaaa is a mummy, congratulations what a special day, thanks for the tips Hun xx


----------



## baby0684

Hi guys.

All your posts are really positive, it makes me smile.

I have got my medical next monday, I am pooping myself. 

Im stuck on the Pen picture as well. It has got me so confused.
Also im not that good with explaining myself on paper.

Please help

Thanks xxx


----------



## AnneS

Hi everyone,


I am one of those people who only pop up every 2 months or so - apologies!!
Work is getting to me, I am trying SO hard to get a lot of it out the way, but it is never ending.
We have been asked to meet with our social worker to discuss a possible match. I cannot believe it!
We always knew this waiting business after panel was uncertain, but never imagined they would contact us earlier than indicated!
I am in a total (happy) flap. 
Anybody here who has been matched with a LO where the profile has gone out to other agencies as well and so there might be other adopters? I think there is a term for this. Does it mean we are literally compeeting with other adopters? 
I only read a few posts back, but as always it is SO nice to read other peoples positive experiences. Congratulations AAA!!!!!!!!! I remember you from way back when!!! I am so very very pleased for you   
Bluebabe - some friends gave us a very early present and I just cried my eyes out. Luckily they posted it and I did my crying in the kitchen at home ...


Anyway, I am about to burn our dinner, so please excuse the brief post.


Very excited, Anne


----------



## AnneS

If got to know - what please is a Pen picture??


  Anne


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Aaaaa is a mummy, what lovely news. Huge congratulations to you all x

HS planning visit is done! SW was lovely and basically thinks HS should be done in 6-8 weeks. She wants to get our PAR written up by end of Sept and get us to panel in Oct (if all goes to plan)!! Can't believe how quickly she wants to move. She has said that even if we go to panel in Oct and get a quick match, we won't get a LO placed with us until NY due to Christmas. So much to take in! 

Apologies for the me post, just so excited. I hope that you are all keeping well whatever stage you are at. Promise to come on at the weekend and do a proper catch up.

Greenie xxx


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations AAA is a mummy 
Skyblu.xx


----------



## Poochie1111

AAA - great to hear from you again and I'm so glad everything is going so well.  Your LO sounds so cute!


Katie C - nice to 'see' you on here.  Still smiling at your news   


GB - that's amazing how quick the HS will be for you.  Talk about a SW on a mission. Sounds like you've got a great one there.


Anne - congrats on your possible match.  Sorry, I don't have any experience of your match going to other agencies I'm afraid.  I'm sure someone on here will be able to help you.


Bluebabe - enjoy every moment of being spoilt by people!  Good luck for matching panel next week.  I'll be after some tips for matching panel question too as I'm a couple of weeks behind you.


E3021 - your poop stories make me laugh    Sounds like you're loving everything moment.


We're meeting our LOs FC tomorrow.  I'm very excited as she'll be able to build an even better picture if her and I'm hoping she'll bring some more photos.  I have a million questions for her. 


Hope everyone else is well.


----------



## DizzyPip

AnneS said:


> If got to know - what please is a Pen picture??
> 
> Anne


Hi Anne,

I'm trying to find out what sort of things to include too. What I do know is that the description you see about profiles of a child in waiting is a pen picture. I'm guessing for us as adopters that we put things like where we live, our lifestyle, our family and that kind of thing? But I'm not totally confident that I'm on the right thread? Hopefully we'll have someone who has done one let us know. If not it's a call to the LA unit. 

Pip
X


----------



## nutmeg

Another one who has no idea what a pen picture is I'm afraid!

CWTBAM - Congratulations on the medical and the job.
AAA, congratulations, what a lovely day.
Bluebabe god luck with matching panel.
GB enjoy HS - your sw'r certainly sounds on the ball.

AFU: DH had his last meeting with sw'r today    He's coming to see my mum & dad tomorrow for their references, has contacted our other referees and is going to see them soon. He's booked in to see DD on the 23rd and then I think we're done - wooooooooooooooo hooooooooooooo


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Yey nutmeg, you are almost there x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

I am feeling like orange today - positivity and all that stuff!!!!

There are so many exciting things happening on here  

E3021 - I hope that everything is going well with you.

Dizzypip - There are some examples of pen pictures online but I'm not sure how relevant they will be. Our SW talked about us writing one and said that she will then write the 'flyer' based on our pen picture. Hope that makes sense and if its of no help, apologies.

Mrs ABA and Skyblu - I hope that all is well with you.

CWTBAM - I'm so glad that your medical went well. I'm sure all is fine with your DH. You know what some of these Drs are like!!! Huge congratulations on your promotion  

Bluebabe and baby0684 - Good luck for Monday.

AnneS - Good luck.

Poochie1111 - I hope that your meeting with the FC went well and all is going to plan.

Well thank goodness its the weekend. One week left of term and then a lovely 6 week break from the cherubs!!!! Poor DH is so nervous as he has his first individual HS session next week. He is really not looking forward to it as he's not really into the whole 'spill your guts bit' as he would so eloquently put it  . I am doing my two sessions the following week. I just can't believe how quickly our LA seem to be moving (touch wood) I had really prepared myself for delays and needing to nag them etc but so far so good. I can't speak highly enough of them (so far!!).

Anyway, I have to go and turn myself into something out of the wild west for our work do so have a lovely weekend.

Greenie x


----------



## E3021

*Greeniebop* - five more get ups! So many of us teachers on here! I finished at half term, after 6 years of trying to and it felt so good!!!  Enjoy your summer break.

*Nutmeg* - woohoo, the end is in sight now, hold on in there!

*Poochie* - how did meeting the FCs go? Hope they were lovely, it makes such a difference if you can all get on. When will your LO be home?

Hi to everyone else, and happy weekend.

AFU - two LOs thoroughly exhausted by me and DH today so both fast asleep in bed and we are going to enjoy a cheeky vino before a very early night as we are pretty exhausted too - wouldn't change it for the world, they just tickle us and amaze us every day.


----------



## Duckling

AAA CONGRATULATIONS!!!  . So pleased.
So much has happened here lately and it's lovely to read so much great news. I don't post on here much anymore - can't keep awake once our lo has gone to bed! But I do pop on to read your posts and I know that quite a few of you have been waiting ages for your children. It must be so so frustrating, but it is worth it. I still have to pinch myself that this gorgeous little boy is ours and am shocked at the incredible love that I feel for him. This week he was on my lap while I put on his shoes and he turned round and kissed me - moments like that, for me mean so much. I am waffling but this will happen for you and it will be wonderful and I'm really hoping that things will start to move faster for you.
Love from Duckling x


----------



## katie c

right, going to try and do some personals. please forgive me if i miss someone. i'm a bit rubbish   

duckling and E - lovely to hear stories 'from the other side' as it were. gives me hope. last year it would seem like an impossibility can't believe it could be a reality at last   

greeniebop - good luck with the HS   cant believe how quick your SW wants to proceed compared to mine   

nutmeg - wow, nearly there. fab!   

poochie - my old cycle chum. so pleased we're nearly at the end of our journeys. your LO2B sounds fab   

AnneS - another person with a possible match. wow. hope s/he is the one   

aaa - congratulations, mummy! must feel amazing   

AoC - pooch told me who you were, i didn't twig! how are you?   

love to everyone else...

AFM...

our SW has booked us onto the 'fourth day' course. its on a saturday which is good news for mr c but not me (i work shifts and quelle surprise, working that day)...had to take more holiday. i'm hemorhagging annual leave here, was really hoping to hang onto some for whenour child (our child!   ) arrives.

she said she was really keen to get us on the course before october 'in case we're at matching panel' then. is there something she knows i dont or could i be reading too much into that?


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi Katie, fingers crossed for you.

One of our cats has been missing since Thursday night (cue lots of tears from me). DH is away and our other cat has been camped out by the cat flap waiting for him Was out at 6am putting flyers through the neighbours doors. Am really hoping he has taken shelter from the rain and got shut in. Just hope the neighbours will check their garages and sheds as hate to think of him trapped somewhere with no way out. I can't stop crying - How do pets manage to tug on our heart strings!!!

Fingers crossed he comes back today x


----------



## bluebabe

Oh greenie, I'm sure he is hiding in someones shed till the rain stops xx


Hi girls, hope u all have a fab weekend.  I am in panic mode now, got to do welcome books and finish rooms by tomorrow for matching panel on mon.  I am starting to let myself believe that this may actually be really happening.  And how cute is this? My nieces and nephews are making "welcome to our family cards" for our lo's xx


----------



## AnneS

Right,

I am suppose to do my accounts, not sit here and read all your lovely stories. 

And thanks for answering my question - much appreciated.

Am most surprised to read that nutmeg can use parents as referees. Very glad for you as I think it makes total sense, but we were categorically not allowed! Though were allowed siblings' references! Odd.   

Anyways, as I said, I am just indulging in a bit of displacement acitivity here, so have to go.

Good luck to the people who have to write their "pen pictures".

Thanks to the people who write in despite being busy with their LOs and for letting us know that all this madness is worth it in the end.

Take care and enjoy the weekend.

Anne


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Sadly we have found Alfie. He was run over. A friend showed me a local ******** page and a lovely lady replied that she had seen him. My Dad drove there and found him laid on the side of the road so we have now taken him to the vets to be cremated  Its been a while since I have cried this much. His sister Winnie is looking a bit lost at the moment, and is sat in the garden on watch....lots of cuddles and treats for her tonight.

Thanks for your kind thoughts. At least we know. I didn't want to think of him trapped somewhere starving. Poor little bambino x


----------



## someday

Greeniebop I am so sorry. It is heartbreaking I know. I couldn't believe how upset I was when we had to say goodbye to our cat in December. Take care of yourself xxxx

not much happening here at the moment. We are near the end of our HS and then we have individual meetings with our social worker who has been great. We then meet with her boss which they say is to ensure she has done everything right. she still has to meet with our referees and we are still on schedule of october panel. It is exciting but scary too.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks Someday. Glad all is moving well for you. Exciting stuff x


----------



## flickJ

Greenie, my heart goes out to you    give Winnie a hug from me


----------



## flickJ

Good luck for Monday Bluebabe        I'll be thinking of you


----------



## Poochie1111

Greeniebop - so sorry to hear about your cat.  I have a cat too and would just be so devastated if anything was to happen to her. They are part of the family. Sending you big


----------



## katie c

so sorry to hear about alfie, greenie


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thank you ladies for your kind words. Winnie and I are going to have a girlie nite in with lots of cuddles. she's moping around so am spoiling her rotten. Feel for DH as he is away and feels terrible for not being here.

I hope that your weekends have been better. Good luck for Monday Bluebabe. 

Oh well tomorrow is another day and hopefully will get a better night's sleep.

Thanks again ladies xxx


----------



## bluebabe

Ah greeniebp I'm so sorry xxx    


Thanks girls, I'm really nervous now but dh seems to know all the answers so gonna let him do the talking at panel! Rooms all ready now just need children in them xx


----------



## Jules11

Genie,  I'm so sorry.  We have several pets,  they really are part of the family.   

jules


----------



## tinkfc

greenie - my heart goes out to u and winnie right now. hope ur nite in has brought u some comfort. 
i would be devastated if the same happened to any of my 3 cats

t
x


----------



## skyblu

Greenie, I am so sorry about Alfie    

Bluebabe, Good luck for Monday.

Skyblu.x


----------



## AnneS

Hi,

just a quick post:

Greenie - so sorry to hear about your Alfie!   

Bluebabe - best of luck for Monday!   


Take care everyone. Enjoy the rest of the (rain free!!!) weekend.   

Anne


----------



## E3021

Oh Greeniebop, how awful, so sorry, that is just so sad. Sending hugs for you and Winnie, your poor DH too, hope he's back soon.x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Greeniebop I'm so sorry about Alfie, I hope Winnie is ok  

I lost a cat a few years ago and I was devastated. I have 3 now and couldn't bare anything happeninng to them.

Thinking of you hun


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hello All

Greenie so sorry about your cat, so tough when we loose pets as they are part of our families and especially when they are taken so suddenly.  

So last week I was in the depths of despair desperate for news of a lo when I get an email out of the blue regarding a lo! Received full details the following day and have been mulling over them ever since along with my husband. Feeling excited and scared...sw is going to be calling to discuss it further. Exciting  

Hope you are all well and coping with difficult times. x


----------



## Flash123

Greenie, hugs to you and Winnie. They break ur heart pets, they really do.

Watakuffufle- oh my, I bet u are so excited. Just go with the flow because a little one that fits your arms perfectly is waiting for you - and this may the start of ur dreams xxx


----------



## Flash123

Sorry posted before I wrote blue babes message!

Just wanted to wish you all the best for Monday. Will be thinking of you xx


----------



## Poochie1111

Bluebabe - all the best for tomorrow.     Exciting times ahead...


Watakerfuffle - great news about your possible match.  It's a fab feeling.  Hope the call goes well with your SW. 


Greenie - hope you are doing okay today.   


Spent the morning buying nursery curtains etc for LOs room.  I was so excited and had the biggest grin on my face at the till. Much as I love buying gifts for other peoples babies, it was such a nice feeling knowing it was all for us.


----------



## bluebabe

Thanks girls, welcome books all done now ready for tomorrow xx


----------



## Arrows

Greenie I'm so sorry. :-(


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks ladies. DH is back. Winnie is very clingy but showering her with affection. She's certainly found her voice but its so quiet, alfie was quite boisterous and noisy  She's sat outside looking around at the mo 

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow bluebabe x


----------



## nutmeg

So sorry *GB*, we had a cat put down last year and I sobbed and sobbed 

Oooh exciting, *watakerfuffle*, fingers crossed things go well.

Bluebabe - the very best of luck for tomorrow 

Anne - yes we have three references, one of whom could be any family member.

Things have been very exciting here  DHs individual session went really well. No issues or concerns and all positive as usual. SWr also met my parents and again everything went really well, to use his words he said that when our report is accessible, swrs will be falling over themselves to get to us  Honestly, I'm soooooo giddy. He loves our routine, our nurturing personalities and most especially the huge amount of local family support we have. Sorry, that all sounds really big headed, but I am just so brimming over with excitement.
He has also said several times that placements in our area are happening quickly at the moment, so I'm hoping we're not going to have years to wait.


----------



## baby0684

Well I had my medical today. Wasnt as bad as I thougt. 
Yeah im a bit overweight.
Was quite funny coz I coulnt pee. 

Hope everyone enjoyed the nice sunny weekend

xxxx


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,

Sorry I've not had much of a chance to pop in here lately, but I just wanted to send big hugs  to Greeniebop  , I'm so very sorry to hear your news. I lost 2 of my beloved furbabies within a year of each other a few years back (not under the same circumstances as you, as they had long illnesses, but I know how heartbreaking it is).
Like you we still have one little lady fur-baby and she is our other baby alongside our baby boy. We love her to pieces and like your little one she was very out of sorts for a while when she lost her 2 little friends   
I just wanted to give you a huge hug and say how sorry I am   

Lots of love Anj x x


----------



## Curly1511

Hello Ladies


Ive just spent the last half hour posting, but for some reason its not showing?! So I apologise if  it comes up twice!



I wanted to introduce myself and officially join your thread, if thats ok?


I may know some of you from the IVF thread, where I have been for the last 5yrs.But its now time to start on a new path!  We have been ttc for 7 years now, and after 10 attempts at ivf i feel i have exhausted the route of ever having a child naturally! In hindsight I wish i had considered adoption earlier, but hindsight is a great thing! When friends used to say to us 'why not adopt?' we were always  'narr,not sure if we could' I guess we were subconsciously thinking ivf would work! Now i feel ready to change paths, and i can say to myself i gave it a really good try to have a child naturally. A relief really, no more drugs, injections, and bfn   


So Im a newbie here, not sure what to do or what any of the abbreviations means! I have ordered books all about adoption, spoken to LA, spoken to a friend who has adopted, tried to get as much info as poss! We were invited to an information eve, but sods law im on cpd! So we have a SW coming to see us to give us info. I know this is the first of many many meetings but im so nervous! Worried what she may think of us, worried she wont like us,What is she going to ask, do i get biscuits or cake, do i hide the furbabies?? Arrrrrrrgh!  I cant imagine what we will be like in front of a panel??!! O boy! Perhaps its just the unknown. The meeting in Aug 1st. 


So, anyhow im looking forward to getting to know you all. Is anyone just starting out like us? Ill try to keep up with the thread and personal. 


Thanks for reading my waffle,


Curly x


PS Greeniebop im so sorry about the loss of your Alfie


----------



## bagpuss1

Ive had my initial assessment interview today and he said YES to moving me forward in the process! Im so so happy. Just got to wait now for a training date!

Greenibop- s sorry sbout the loss of your furbaby xxxx

K


----------



## flickJ

Good to have you onboard Curly    welcome to another part of the forum, loads of advice here although it sounds as though you are getting yourself prepared for your journey. Good luck for the your first SW meeting - don't worry, it will be fine, just be yourself (hard to be calm, I know  )    

Bagpuss, great news - you're on your way know, here's hoping you get your training date soon


----------



## bluebabe

We have been matched xx


----------



## watakerfuffle

whoo hoo congratulations bluebabe


----------



## flickJ

Yeah, Bluebabe, great news


----------



## DizzyPip

Greenibop - so sorry about Alfie, so heartbreaking.

blue babe - Congrats, what a great feeling it must be!

AFU - we are just waiting to be matched with a SW so we can start home study. We have started to get some things ready like the family tree and Eco map to help fill the gap, really looking forward to moving onto the next stage.

curly - welcome  

Nutmeg- looks like things are moving along nicely.

Pip
X


----------



## Curly1511

Thank you for the welcomes!


Congrates Bluebabe! How long does it take until you get your little one home??


Curly x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Just a quick post to say:-

     CONGRATULATIONS BLUEBABE      

and Im so so sorry to hear your sad news about alfie Greenibop, such a shame. I think we are all animal lovers on here and feel your pain  

Xx


----------



## Poochie1111

Bluebabe - Whoo hoo!!!  Congratulations!!!!!        


Welcome Curly!


----------



## Em0504

Hello girls, I've been lurking and reading 4 a couple of weeks now and was wondering if i could join u? Seeing curly's post spurred me on 2 finally say hello. Plus reading greenibop's sad news - hope u got my message.
Curly, Im at the same stage as u. Im attending info evening on 22nd Aug, just confirmed r attendance. Feeling nervous, but excited. Hoping and praying r dream 2 become mummy and daddy will finally come true.
Bluebabe, fantastic news, u must b over the moon! Must b amazing getting 2 that stage. Very excited 4 u.
Hello 2 everybody else. Hey ally...hope your ok hun and that your excited bout Thursday!
x x


----------



## flickJ

Hello Em  

Welcome to the forum, don't worry we don't bite - we're a friendly lot really    Good luck for your information evening, hope you get the answers you are hoping for to start your journey


----------



## Em0504

Aw thank u flick. We've got a very long journey ahead, we won't b able 2 make r application til Nov. But Im looking 4ward 2 following all your journeys x


----------



## nutmeg

Welcome Curly and Em.

Bluebabe, MASSIVE congratulations to you xx


----------



## tinkfc

congratulations bluebabe  

afu - for those that dont know we are at the beginning of our journey and will be attending our info evenin wednesday


----------



## Em0504

Thanx 4 welcome girls. Tinkfc, good luck Wed, look 4ward 2 hearing all about it


----------



## bagpuss1

Thanks Flick,


I'm so happy!!!


I've been reflecting on today's appointment and feel a little guilty about the info that I disclosed. Mainly about my ex and our relationship. I guess they need to know warts and all and would eventually find out anyway! I just feel a bit bad that her stuff has to be revealed when it is MY choice to adopt and not hers!!!


My situation with my mum didn't seem to phase the SW at all   


So pleased for you blue babe


----------



## tinkfc

em0504 - sure wil keep u posted although mine may nt b the best example

i need a lil rant hope u guys dont mind - had phone interview a couple of weeks ago to establish whether we could attend an info evenin. got a call a week ago which we missed but the answerphone msg was lovely the manager had approved us for info evenin map and info on its way. wel with two days to go we stil hadnt received anything + as i have graduation tomorrow i dont intend to chase them then or on the day of the info evenin so i called. spoke to a lovely lady explained my situation and said i wanted to clarify if it was tomorrow info evenin i was booked into or the next and where it was as i hadnt received it.  well i was then told oh well it may not have been sent as the lady i spoke to had emailed the sws telling them not to invite anymore prospective due to there being so many BUT i cant have been booked into the next one as they havent even booked anymore yet!! so i then nervously asked what i should do - the response well not everyone has replied so i am sure you can attend but as have invited up to 50 people to attend it may be standing room only! but  was happy to email the info as long as i emailed back confirmation of attendence so she could put it on our file.

the sws + the administrator who i have spoken to seem great but this has really boggled me however i must remain positive there may have been 50 invited but most may nt attend + at least it a start i guess

x


----------



## Arrows

Wow, that's a lot of people for the info evening -we had less than 20!

Welcome to all the newbies.

Bluebabe -YAY!!!!!! 

We've got a meeting with our SW tonight and hoping to get further news but who knows.
In the meantime I'm now in the middle of the crazy month of wedding stuff. One hen party done, mum's b'day and next hen this weekend, then a wedding next weekend and the other wedding the weekend after that. Busy, busy!


----------



## Em0504

Tink, that all sounds a bit confusing. Wow that's a lot of people, the sw that i spoke 2 didn't say how many they r expecting at r info evening? Hope yours goes well!
Good luck 2night arrows. Enjoy your busy few weeks. We haven't got any weddings 2 go 2 this year.
8 weeks 2day and we'll b on r holiday! Can't wait!!


----------



## Curly1511

Yay, lots of newbies!! Hi Em and tinkfc! We are all staring out on the very exciting journey that may give us our family we long for   


Im a bit nervous about it, the unknown is scary. But i received all my books today, one of which is the adopter's handbook, its like a massive text book, i feel like im back at school! But the info in it seems very informative. Any other books which are good. I really want to be as prepared as poss!


Sorry about the muck up with the info eve Tinkfc. I guess we are lucky in one way being on an island is that numbers are smaller over here, and as we could not attend the info eve the SW is coming round to speak to us direct, which we were over the moon with! 


Wow Arrows, you are busy busy! Good luck with the SW meeting. 


Well, off to read some more then off to bed to watch Superstar! Man, these programs become addictive!


Have good eve all


Curly xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Ally Wally

yay Em....you're here!! it feels good to welcome you onboard here.  sooo looking forward to sharing this journey with you.

bluebabe....brilliant news. such exciting times ahead. can't wait to hear more details.

tinkfc...it may be due to the wonderful reviews that kent LA have received lately. they really are one of the best adoption authorities around so you're in good hands. 

we have our initial home visit on thursday...i'm p**ping myself. i hate not knowing what to expect. i have stocked up on biscuits and tea and am planning to hoover absolutely everything tomorrow night! and then i might hoover the dogs themselves in the morning ;-)

curly..there's a great book i am making my way through at the moment called 'toddler adoption' by the weavers craft. it's great. 'what to expect when you're adopting' is also good but am sure the other ladies will be able to tell you more.

arrows...how did the meeting go?


----------



## Em0504

Ooooh curly wot books have u ordered? Think Im gonna order wot 2 expect when your adopting. Im nervous 2, like u say its the unknown hey. Im a tx expert lol, but this is all so new, but feel Im learning more and more! Its great that the sw is coming 2 speak 2 u directly, did u say its soon? Im off 2 bed in a mo, came home from work early as felt unwell with absolutely awful af, horrible!! Enjoy superstar.
Hey ally hun, yay Im here! Im so excited 4 u 4 Thursday...can't wait 2 hear all about it! Lol think I'd feel the same bout r cats, hair everywhere at mo. Shall b thinking bout u huni.
Night girls.
x x


----------



## Curly1511

Im so the same Em, i too have had 10 tx's! I used to give advice out, be the experienced one, now im the new one! Who knows nothing!


I went a bit mad on books, The adopters handbook, An adoption diary and What to expect when your adopting. All probably very similar, but I want to know everything!


Our first appt with sw is Aug 1st! Not long till this road starts!


Hope you feel better tomorrow.


Curly x


----------



## Arrows

We've been shortlisted! The child's familyfinder is coming to meet us likely next week!!!


----------



## liveinhope

Great news Arrows! Pray this is your time   

Welcome to the newbies - you are most welcome here and it wont be long before you are at the stages some of us are already at.  It never feels like it will happen when you start out


----------



## Em0504

Great news arrows!
Curly, we'll get there hun...sounds as though you've got lots of reading. I must get ordering too. Wow only a couple of weeks til your appt then. Can't wait 2 hear all about it.
Thank u liveinhope. Yea at the mo its hard 2 imagine ever being at the stage u r...must b so wonderful.
x


----------



## Poochie1111

Arrows - that's great news.  Got everything crossed for you for next week.


----------



## Flash123

Arrows - fantastic news. Hoping this is the start of your dreams 


Bluebabe - matched CONGRATULATIONS !!!!!!!!!!!


Em & curly - think I'm in the same situation. Have a sw coming out on thurs from a la and 2 the following week, both to give us a feel or to o an initial. I have been keeping amazon in business to    Am reading 'what to expect when you are adopting' at the mo and am enjoying it, seems more factual than some of the others which although I have enjoyed, they have been more recount based but a worthwhile read none the less.


----------



## baby0684

Hi guys

In regards to books, I went to the library one day, and cleared them out of all the adoption books they had.

So if you dont want to spend loads of money check out your local library.

When I was on prep course the different people found different books useful.


----------



## GERTIE179

Arrows that's fantastic news - fingers crossed for u x d


----------



## panorama

Hi everyone


Sorry I have been AWOL lately, hard to keep up with a nearly 2 year old! 


Anyway it seems amazing but it is one year tomorrow since we've had our little man, and what a year it has been! Hard work but totally worth it, sometimes I do forget he is adopted  He is an amazing little boy, started nursery a few weeks ago for 2 days a week and the nursery people say he is very advanced for his age, proud mummy     He is a little chatterbox now and can count to 10 and is not 2 till september! 


Just writing the letter to the birth parents so I can email it over, bit bizarre.....


Keep holding on to those dreams, they do happen even though it is hard work getting there sometimes 


panorama x


----------



## watakerfuffle

Lots of news on here which I am hopeless at keeping up with but sounds like everyone is moving along well and lots of newbies again  

Fingers crossed for you arrows, sorry if I have missed other big news which I most likely have!

I am in a right old dither... LO's  sw is visiting us tomorrow to discuss a LO further! Can't beleave we have finally got to this stage, excited and scared yet again! x


----------



## nutmeg

Arrows, great news, hope this is the start of something wonderful.

Watakerfuffle - ooooh exciting - good luck


----------



## Mrs ABA

Whatakafuffle, Blubabe, Arrows - YAY!!!!!              V best of luck to you all!


2nd day of prep course for us next week then HS starts on 31 July.  Sooo excited!





A
x


----------



## tinkfc

em0504 + curly1511 - info evening was for me a little bit of an anti climax unfortunately. it only lasted around an hour there was a round 30 of us there. they discussed what we had already discussed with sws over the fone re the process and what sort of children are available and what they hope we are. the adopter who spoke was great she was really lovely and quite encouraging it took her approx 15 months from start to taking home her LO which she did point out  was quick when she adopted  in 2009 esp as her h/s was only 5 months long. bt the sw's was telling us that try and keep it to that at the moment as they are short of adopters. BUT they seem to have made my partner nervous + they dont seem as keen as me nemre! hopefully its only a comedown from the meeting.

t
x


----------



## flickJ

Mrs ABA - congratulations on getting your date to start the HS, we also start our HS on the 31st, exciting isn't it? We finished our prep course yesterday and have a little time to get prepared (and clean, clean, clean the house  ). 

Some searches have been started and we are waiting for the doctor to get back to us re. the medicals (waited six weeks already), I am trying to keep calm but it isn't working  

Good luck to everyone


----------



## E3021

*Arrows* - MASSIVE CONGRATULATIONS!!! What exciting times for you (and nervous too - well it was for me) just keeping everything crossed for you and looking forward to hearing updates.x

*Panorama* - so lovely to hear from you - I remember reading your posts as we were doing prep and home study so lovely to hear how you're getting on, sounds like you're a brilliant mummy!

*AFU* - both pickles are full of cold - again! Am keeping stocks of tissues everywhere and most things smell of calpol! Also finding my eldest is finding it really hard to cope with mummy feeding youngest LO now that daddy is back at work - sharing one adult is going to be a long and tough lesson I think!!! Still wouldn'ty change a thing though - it's nice to be wanted, even if it's hard to have a toddler pawing at your legs / arms / hair whilst trying to bottle feed a baby - LOL!


----------



## Curly1511

Hello Ladies


Hello exciting Arrows! You must be sooo excited! Good luck


So it looks like Em, Flash and Tinkfc and myself are all new to adoption! Im glad i going through it with others, its all sounding very daunting with a long long road ahead! I so hope I can do this!


Sorry the information eve was not what you expected Tinkfc. Im sure things will get better as you move further along the road.


Good luck with the social worker Flash. Let us know how it goes. Is this your first one? 


Not a great day yesterday, DP got made redundant again!!!! Great! I just want a bit of luck somewhere in our lives!!! Im sure something will turn up, he is not the sort of person to sit around, he will find something! Hope the SW doesnt hold this against us? 


Hope your all ok,


Curly xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Em0504

Curly, so sorry 2 hear bout dp, hope something comes up. Its just never ending sometimes isn't it. Im sure the sw won't hold it against u hun. Im feeling nervous bout the whole process 2 and really hope Im strong enough. Reading posts like yours e3021 makes me feel so so happy and excited! Wow, must b the best feeling in the world. Enjoy every single moment!
Good luck 4 starting hs flick.
Tink, hope your feeling better 2day and more positive. Sorry the info evening was a little disappointing, its hard isn't it coz we don't really know wot 2 expect do we.
x


----------



## bagpuss1

In new too   . Looks like we are all at roughly the same stage. 

Im just waiting for a date to start the Prep course now. If I hear once more "why do you need to learn how to parent...you've already got a child......."!!! 

Anyway hello to everyone xx


----------



## flickJ

Bagpuss - I know exactly how you feel, DH has three kids from a previous marriage and he gets the "why do you need to learn ........" speech   They don't realise that these kids need extra support and we all need to be aware of the problems they may face. I think people think they have been abandoned or given up, as they used to be and don't come with the "baggage" they may have.   

Good luck Em and Curly, on you journey to adoption - can't wait to hear about your progress   

Tink - I am sorry that the info evening was a bit disappointing, are you going to try another authority or stay where you are? I hope you are feeling better about things today


----------



## bagpuss1

Yes,  It is difficult Flick. There seem to be so many misconceptions about adoption around, particularly surrounding the new "adoption will be a quicker process" headline that have been banded around recently. People seem to think that we will be less scruinized and that it is a foregone conclusion that we will be successful..because why wouldnt we be!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Jules11

Hi everybody,

We were finally approved at panel today    .  So so so relieved. 

Happy to finally join those of you waiting for a match.  I've no doubt the wait will be frustrating but so happy we have finally got through the hurdle of panel.  

Best wishes to everybody in the process.  I'm sure all of this is worth it in the end  

Jules xxx


----------



## flickJ

Congratulations Jules, here's to a quick match


----------



## bluebabe

Hi girls hope u are all well, welcome all newbies well I'm still quite new myself really xx


Been a really emotional day, finished work cos it's end of term but I have finished to be a mummy! Have done nothing but cry such happy tears and feel so overwhelmed with the gifts, cards, money flowers omg it was amazing.  So it's countdown now, we meet our bys a week on Monday.  After all I have been thru I thought a day like today would never happen for me but here I am, so girls just starting on this journey don't be disheartened by the waiting round cos when it happens its like being in a whirlwind xx


----------



## bagpuss1

Congratulations Jules...you give us newbies hope!!!

Bluebabe....This so exciting, I have tears in my eyes just thinking about your special day today!!! Thank you for the reassurance that our day will come 

xxx


----------



## bluebabe

It will bag puss it will xx


----------



## baby0684

Hi guys I have been reading this thread for a while, and I thought I would introduce myself properly.

I am in the 1st bits of HS atm. I have been on prep course and just had my medical this week.

I have a BD already, but looking to adopt as I would like to make my family bigger.
BD is quite excited about the thought of a sibling.

Have got a few issues with weight, finances and housing. But SW seems positive. 

So hey everyone xxx


----------



## bagpuss1

Wa hey...another singley!!! xxxx


----------



## Em0504

Hey baby, welcome. How did u find the prep course?
Bluebabe, oh wow, it was so so lovely reading your post. Wot a fab day u must have had, how lovely! Like bagpuss said, u give us newbies reassurance, positivity and excitement!
Congratulations Jules, that's fab news 2. U must b over the moon!
x x


----------



## skyblu

Well ladies it has finally happened..............We have been approved to be a mummy and a daddy  
Unfortanlly due to dh little mishap with the cigies we can't be matched until the end of January 2013, but at least this hurdle is over.
Now for the loooong wait 

One happy Skyblu.x


----------



## Arrows

that's fantastic news sykblu!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## bluebabe

Yay sky lu


----------



## baby0684

Prep course was good. Took mum with me as she is a massive part of me and BD life.

Hey *bagpuss1*. How far are you in process?

Congrats* skyblu*


----------



## Em0504

Glad it went well baby.
Yay skyblu, great news!
Loving all your positive stories girls!
x


----------



## Jules11

Skyblu,

Wonderful news.  Sooo happy for you .  We were also approved today.  I wonder if we were in the same panel  

How wonderful it feels to be through all of the hurdles of homestudy, medicals, references, dog assessments etc.

I have to admit I've spent the last 2 hours on Be My Parent and mentally I've adopted at least 3 children.  

Feels so good to get this far.  Finger crossed for all of us waiting to have an early match.  

I promise all of you in the process of training and homestudy,  it really feels worth it when they approve you.  Can't wait to find out how good it feels to have a match and actually meet our child.

Now opening the champagne that has been in the fridge since we were approved for homestudy 14 months ago, hope it's cold enough  

Good luck everybody and  

Jules


----------



## bluebabe

Yay jules well done


----------



## flickJ

Oh Skyblu, I am over the moon for you - after everything you have been through, you deserve all our   and here's to a quick match


----------



## watakerfuffle

wow such positive news on  here today, well done everyone x

Link meeting seemed to go well today, now we wait for a decision from lo's sw!. Really hoping we have finally found our little one x


----------



## Jules11

watakerfuffle 

how wonderful,  hope you've found the LO for you.

Jules


----------



## skyblu

Jules11 - congrats on getting through panel  Yes it is so fantastic to get to this stage as that what we have been fighting for for so long. I wonder if we were at the same panel, I'll msg you and find out. 

Watakerfuffle -   you have found your lo. good luck. 

Thank you all for your msgs and your great support through the last 12 months. For all of you starting off it does seem to go on for ever and you may feel you are jumping through hoops it is defiantly worth it in the end, just remember why you are doing it.

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Skyblu oh what fantastic news!! The next 6 months will fly in if you keep busy. We are 6months post approval and it really has went in quick and still not matched so just think you have this time to look and plan for a 2013 little one x x x


----------



## liveinhope

Well done SkyBlu


----------



## Em0504

Congratulations Jules and watakerfuffle. Hope u enjoyed your well deserted champagne Jules x


----------



## Em0504

Stupid phone...meant deserved!


----------



## Curly1511

O boy sooooo many exciting stories!!! Congrates to all who have been approved!   for short waits to be matched! Such positive stories for us newbies starting out. 


Champayne all round i reckon!


Jules11 can i ask what kind of assement did they do for your dogs?? My best friend, well apart from my DP of course, as an older xbreed and is shy with strangers, when she gets to know you in her pace she is absolutely fine, I hope she doesnt get nervous when SW here!? Any advice?


My books are scaring me a bit! 


What's everyone up to this wk end? Looks like we could have some sun! Woop Woop!


Curly x


----------



## Anjelissa

skyblu...I'm so pleased for you, that's wonderful news!!  It was a long road, but as others have said, that's a big hurdle over and done with now    
Jan 2013 will be here before you know it, I can't believe we're almost in August already!!   

Jules...Huge congratulations to you also    , what a great day for happy news!  

Love Anj x x


----------



## bagpuss1

*@ Baby 0604,*

I had my initial assessment with the social worker on Monday. Im just waiting now for the prep course...I think. He said Yes anyway so its whatever comes next. I am trying not to get too ahead of myself and am focusing on each hurdle as they approach. I have a 6 year old daughter already. Have you seen any books that might help with our specific situation..ie how to prepare our children for the parts of the process that they will be involved in?

I have massive worries about the impact of adopting on my daughter.

K


----------



## AnneS

Hi there,

Warning - RANT coming up here ....

Sooooo, we had our meeting with our social worker this week to prepare for the meeting with the child's social worker next week.
And DH decided he HAD to go out the night before. Fine. BUT he went out and came back drunk and 2 hours laters than he announced. He woke me up in the middle of the night, I was already nervous. Next day: meeting, him with a hang over, me with the smiles. Went OK.
Afterwards I had to ask him (!) to talk about the previous night and he denied that it was a big thing. So there he was with the "you don't understand me", "it's not a big thing, I knew we had the meeting" and me with the "you ignore my feelings" and the tears.
I am SO angry with him. He behaved like a teenager and I need an adult in my life. He mananged to twist it all so that I am overreactingand he has done NOTHING wrong.
I told him I need to be able to rely on him, he said I went out twice the last two weeks. I pointed out he went the night before an importnat meeting and that timing makes a difference ARGH!!
I can't believe I am boring you all with this - anybody still reading   - though not   .

I am going out in an hour. I won't tell him where I am and I will do my damn best to make it home really late.   
Me, stroppie?? Never ... Thing is, i am not looking forward to it.   

Not a ahppy bunny

Anne


----------



## GERTIE179

Aww Anne by hugs x

Boys/men they can be sooo frustrating. They just don't think sometimes (generally). I know I can get quite worked up about how things will look etc and what people SWs think and know I would b seething.

Maybe try thinking about it this way - DH was getting just as nervous, tried to bottle it up, thinking pressure mounting etc and one pint later thinks ah that's helping. How many friends who have been seething when OH has went out like that when they have been pregnant. It's almost a release to men (again sorry to be generalist). Yet when LO is home they deal better with it as they tend to be more pragmatic.

I remember my DH doing something similar while we were going through tx (low sperm count anyway) and I was sooo angry (hormones didn't help) he just couldn't see my point that I was putting everything into tx working. He never admitted he seen my viewpoint but did tell me later that the pressure to always be good, eat 100% healthy etc was restricting him and he felt pressurised. No about a Potential preg but more my anxiety. 
We've just tried to work to understand the side of us that doesn't make sense and found a better way to express when something needed ie I am anxious about this meeting as its soo important so I need you to lean on. Rather than just expecting them to see it for themselves.

Again completely emphasis as I've had those feelings and I'm dureDH feels awful now

Go enjOy yourself as by the sounds of it you may have limits on your nights out soon :-D x x


----------



## AnneS

Thanks Gertie,

I think I might go for a walk instead and a take-out. All the films I fancy are on from 9pm, that seems a little late ...

Anne (still slightly fuming, I can keep this up, you know!   )


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Skyblu and Jules     *CONGRATULATIONS*     - Excellent news on being approved. Celebration time all round eh 

Watakerfuffle - fingers crossed this is it for you, hoping this match works out for you 

Anne - I was going to reply to your post and give some advise but Gertie seems to of beat me to it, she's said pretty much word for word what I was gonna say. Men can really behave like sill boys at times and its so damn annoying at the time  But then once things calm down and you look back its nearly always when there's been something stressing them out. They typically cant process stress the way we do, they bottle it up and then it suddenly blows up inside of them and they act out like children. I would be just as fuming as you if my DH pulled a stunt like that (And he quite possibly would, he's like that), but once you've left him in the dog house for a bit and things settle try seeing it from his point of view, he's prob been a lot more scared/anxious then he's even realised himself. Good luck 

 Newbies  - Welcome to you all, there's a lot of support and info on here, its invaluable!

6 weeks until panel for us, Eeeeeeeek. Hopefully Ill be joining Skyblu and Jules on  soon enough Xx


----------



## Jules11

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and words.   

Curly,  
Our VA insist on all dogs being assessed by an independent dog trainer.  We have a basset hound and a 14 year old jack russell with literally no teeth.  We had a visit to our home by a guy who looked at where they sleep, eat, toilet etc. Also he poked them a bit, took their toys, woke them when they were asleep to judge their reaction.  His role was to make a judgement about there safety around a child who is likely to do all of these things,  also to check the dogs don't sleep on the bed, eat at the dinner table, toilet in the house etc.  He wrote a report and sent it to us and our SW and charged us £160.

I know other agencies and LA's just ask for a questionnaire to be completed.  Our dogs are generally too lazy to poze a threat to anybody.  The basset did run off with the SW scarf once   . 

Good luck with your little angel.  I'm sure you'll all be fine.

Jules. x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Curly, Our dog assessment was totally fine - although I really fretted beforehand! I thought this maybe a problem as not all people like dogs...

We have a big gorgeous golden labrador (3 yrs old) and he can be a bit exuberant when someone first comes in - but soon calms down. He has a great nature...Our dog doesnt get up our stairs and never feeds from the dinner table. 
Our LA wanted to see his documents from the seller, any training done (when puppy), she looked at where food was kep't, how often walked, routines, vet information. We had looked out all the paper work beforehand (to save stress). Also we had given the dog an hour and half walks before SW came. He got new bedding and new toys as his were a bit shabby.

It all went very well. So I think what I am saying is be organised. I am sure you will get on well. Hope this helps you..  


We are going to panel in less than 2 weeks time now! I am sooo nervous!! 


Noodles xx


----------



## skyblu

Thank you again ladies for the good wishes.
I don't know why but I seem to be on a big downer today, does this happen normally or is it just me 
I think it is because we have had a tough time getting here and that we have to wait until January before we will be considered for a match.

Just read some of your stories about your dog's, my god we got off very lightly.
Our dog is a Samoyed x collie and is as mad as a box of frogs, he goes mental when we have visitors and demands to be cuddled, then he calms down. Our SW worker loved him to bits and she could see that when we look after my nephew we put a stair gate up between the living room and kitchen so the dog is separate from the child. I mainly do that because the lo doesn't like dogs.
But Curly I wouldn't really worry about it. If you know that your dog is no threat then half the battle is done.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Curly1511

Just a quick thank you fot your doggy stories! lol, Jules, I love the fact your bassett ran off with SW scarf!! lol lol.  Have to go to work now, ill write a better thank you tomorrow when i finish.


Have good sunny weekend ladies!


Curly xx


----------



## Arrows

Hiya, just a quick note for all -
if anyone in interested in a spa day then please check out this link, as a few of us are considering it!

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=291632.0

Be lovely to see people


----------



## Poochie1111

Skyblu - great news on getting approved!! Another big hurdle out of the way. I know January seems like an age away and it's quite understandable why you feel on a downer at the moment. I hope it comes around quickly. 

Jules - well done on getting through panel too  
Watakerfuffle - crossing fingers who hear some good news about your link    

We've got matching panel on Thursday. Yikes. Feeling both very nervous and excited. Got a busy week ahead to try and take my mind of it thankfully.

x


----------



## CKay

Hi all,

Just a newbie to this thread.  Have had many IVF failures and non starters and we're now considering adoption.  Seems like a long process we've got an open evening at the beginning of Sept so we shall wait til then and see what that brings.  How are these do they give you hope or the other way round?  

CKay xxx


----------



## skyblu

Ckay - Welcome and I am so sorry you have had so many failed IVF, I know how you feel 

As far as the information evening, it is a mix of posative stories but also they do go on a bit about the negativaty of adoption and can be a bit scary, they do this so you are aware that adoption is not a case of you having a child, it is more about a child who needs a family to care and nerouish them after a bad start in life and adoption it self can be tough and the prosses is long and intustive.
They need to make sure you are cometed so beware if it is a bit negative. Mine was but not all these information evenings are the same. Good luck and hopefully we will see you on here again soon. 

Skyblu.x


----------



## CKay

Thank you skyblu - I'm just looking into other agencies that are VA as well as LA.  Does anyone know of a good VA in the South East?  I'll check out Barnados on Monday so got that one already.  CKay xxx


----------



## racheypache13

Hi everyone,
Big congratulations to all those approved! Lovely news  
We have been linked with a little boy who sounds perfect and we are so excited, we meet his paediatrician today. Our social worker is lovely but has always been very cautious in what she says but the last few times I have spoken to her she keeps emphasising that we must say something if it doesn't feel right. Is this normal as it is making me worry we should be worried (if that makes sense!) It has all happened quite fast, could that be the reason or is this just what they have to say?
Thanks
Rachey


----------



## bluebabe

They said that to us racheyp because there were concerns a bout developmental delay but after meeting with paed and having another medical there are no issues xx


----------



## nutmeg

Congratulations *Jules and Skyblu* you must be over the moon 

Anne, I'd be mightily peeved too!
We're just recovering after a beautiful weekend in the Lae District and BD declared how excited she is to bring her brother or sister up there 

This morning, sw'r has met our bd for the first time and she was amazing. Not hiding behind me, but chatty and confident and a delight, ooooh she's so desperate for her brother or sister to come home but so patient too. I think sw'r is pushing us to go for a young child, but we're really hoping for at least 18months and preferably a bit older - but I guess that's done to us. I'm a little peeved as we were initially told August / Sept for panel but now it will be Sept or Oct. Still hanging on for Sept - that is a good month for us and our 10th wedding anniversary.

Hope everyone is well and enjoying the warmer weather.


----------



## Duckling

Congratulations Jules and Skyblu    


Skyblu you have been an absolute marvel. Once September comes everything will be geared up to Christmas and then I reckon you'll be matched pretty quickly.   X


Watakerfuffle, Racheypache and Bluebabe wonderful news  .
Poochie great news too! Good luck for Thurs, but you won't need it. X
Arrows hang in there   .
I'm really sorry if I've missed any other congratulations - so much lovely news.
Duckling xxx


----------



## Arrows

Fantastic news Rachey and Bluebabe!

AFU, We are going to look at the cpr and having been shortlisted we'll be having a visit from the child's SW and FF on the 7th August. We're still exploring other options in the meantime but heart very much with this one, so fingers crossed for then.


----------



## Poochie1111

Rachey - oooh, how exciting. Great news.  I'm sure your SW is just being ultra cautious as I guess it's in their interest to make sure it's the perfect match. Our kept asking us the same thing at first. You'll know if it feels right.
Welcome CKay   


Hope you've all been enjoying the sunshine.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

Wow, so much news on here.

Firstly I must say thank you to you all for your kind thoughts. Winnie is settling into life without her brother and I must say she has grown so much in a week. I think Alfie (the little tinker) was pushing her out the way and eating all her food!!! Em0504 - Thank you for your PM, the stupid computer wouldn't let me reply but I wanted to say thank you, it was really sweet of you x

Huge congratulations to all of you with lovely news - Bluebabe, Arrows, Jules, Skyblu, racheypachey and I know I will have forgotten others so I apologise x

Good luck for Thursday Poochie - I will be thinking of you. It will be a good day as its my birthday so I just know that all will be good for you x

Hi to everyone else, again I apologise for the lack of personals but my word, you ladies can chatter in a week. I had so many pages of news to catch up on  

DH and I have had our individual HS sessions and all went well. I really like our SW and she is still wanting to get us to panel in Oct. we were chatting about children and the process today and I explained that we were in contact with others from our Prep course but they were all asking how long we had all been told to get to panel and that there's seemed a long time so I was hesitant to say too much. She said that as I am on school hols its the perfect opportunity to get us through quickly and that we seem to be coping well with that She also said that there had been a backlog of court time to make court orders and as a result they had a lot of children who would be ready for matching in October. I tried really hard to hide my smile and she just said 'so the timing of your HS is going to be perfect'. Fingers crossed all goes well, I'm trying hard not to get too excited as I've seen how these things can go.

How are you all doing? Enjoying this glorious weather I hope. We were planning on going away but the weather is so lovely here we'll have to see. Is anyone else planning any hols this summer? Any suggestions for somewhere to go? 

Good luck to all of those of you with appointments, milestones etc this week. I'm off to spoil Winnie  

Lots of love

Greenie x


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi Girls,

Hope u are all well??

I'm looking for some advice - have any of you guys prepared a short profile to take to exchange days or send to other LAs. I'm looking for some inspiration on what to include and try and engage people with us from a piece of paper.

Thanks in advance x x


----------



## bluebabe

Hi gertie, sorry cant help on that one xx


Hope everyone is ok xx


Quick question - for those of u who are with their babies, when u started intros did u take your own pram and changing bag, what do u put in changing bag? I sound stupid don't I? I know u put nappies and wipes change of clothes but is there anything else or do u just use the fc stuff? Xx


----------



## kizzi79

Hi All

So lovely to see so many positive stories on here    - congratulations everyone!!!

Well today I made the first proper official step to (hopefully) joining you all. Have sent off my request for an initial home visit. I had attended a adoption information evening in March but needed time to get my head sorted post fertility treatment. 

Am sure I will be back to catch up with everyone soon and with lots of questions no doubt, love Krissi xx


----------



## Duckling

Blue babe - we borrowed fc's pushchair to begin with as we have a small car and to begin with she was coming with us on trips out during intros - we bought a larger pushchair as I walk everywhere, so not much room in car. But towards end of week we took our own. 
Bag: nappies, wipes, mat, plastic bag for dirty nappies, change of clothes, toys (very useful!), bottle and Aptamil toddler milk (never use now but very useful when wandering round a strange town for the day), snacks. As soon as FC showed us sort of food lo ate, we bought it on our way home that eve and then put in a plastic bowl with a spoon for the next day. I found it difficult to know what to do as FC offered us everything so didn't want to offend her, but on the other hand I wanted to show that I was capable and I wanted to practise (and use my lovely new stuff  ). Really pleased that I did because on the day of our review she really praised me to the  sws and said how well prepared and organised I was. 
Hope helps, very waffly and rushing  . Loads of luck. Breathe, try to sleep, enjoy.  xx


----------



## bluebabe

Thankyou so much duckling that advice is spot on Hun I really do need to impress them cos we got the impression that we weren't good enough when we met them, our sw basically told us that's what they said x how cheeky is that xx


----------



## snapdragon

panel friday, well hopefully, apparently my husband's boss hasn't sent back his work reference. Just had an email. Quite worried now. Don't think he realises how urgent this is. Its a 2nd request, 1st one went out months ago. My husband says he saw him doing it yesterday but didn't say anything to him. Husband is going to talk to him first thing but even if its in the post no guarantee it will arrive in time. Can't believe we might be cancelled due tto this, have been ready for panel since May, thought everything was done.


----------



## baby0684

*snapdragon*

I really hope they dont delay or say no because of your husbands boss.
Its not your falut, and I feel that they should have chased him by phone, not post.

Fingers crossed for you for friday. xxxx


----------



## AoC

If it hasn't gone in the post yet, or if it's sitting in a postal tray, can they fax it, if you make special arrangements by phone?  Make sure you keep your SW informed by phone.  Find out from your SW who is the person doing the papers for the Panel and call them explaining it's on its way.  Sometimes when it gets to this stage you have to become a bit take-no-prisoners - lots of smiles, but being realy clear what people have to do to make it work.  Hugs, snapdragon, and I hope it works out.


----------



## snapdragon

Thanks, he has posted the reference but 2nd class and he hasn't kept a copy (admin provided the envelope with 2nd class stamp).  Admin phoning when they get the post at 11, otherwise they are faxing him a new form. Fingers crossed.


----------



## snapdragon

Didn't arrive, now waiting for tomorrow's post, if it doesn't arrive have to get his boss to fill it in again and fax. Complicated by my husband working at a different site tomorrow and having to phone before faxing as someone needs to be at the machine due to confidentiality.

Feeling very stressed.


----------



## bluebabe

Snapdragon, that's awful as if u need any more stress! Surely they would speak to him on the phone if it comes down to the wire? All it's for is to confirm that he works there and how long for xx


----------



## flickJ

How awful for you hun, words cannot really help, but        I am sure things will work themselves out, if not we will all come down and sort your DH's boss out   (only kidding, but I bet it brought a smile back) try not to stress to much, take care


----------



## snapdragon

ha, ha that made me laugh. I do feel like going down there and doing it myself but I've a feeling the panel wont like it.


----------



## snapdragon

Me again. All sorted, reference didn't arrive this morning so his boss has redone it, faxed it and had confirmation it has been received. Roll on tomorrow.


----------



## nutmeg

Woo hoo snapdragon and thank goodness. Good luck tomorrow and try to enjoy it   

This next couple of weeks for us waiting for the report is KILLING me (and it's only been 3 days)!!!!   I'm dying to see what he wrote about us, esp dd


----------



## AoC

Hooray Snap!    Well managed!  I'm sure it will go well for you tomorrow.  ((((hugs))))

Exciting times, nutmeg!

We're waiting for our PAR, now, it should be with us on Tues (ish.)  We're booked for Approval Panel 16th Aug.  Fingers crossed nothing postpones it!


----------



## flickJ

Good luck tomorrow Snapdragon


----------



## Poochie1111

Hi ladies


This is very much a me post today (except for AoC - great news about your quick panel date)

Never thought we would actual get to this place.  Went had matching panel today and the outcome was that they are recommending the match. It was such an easy panel.  Only 3 easy questions. Because of holidays, they have committed to giving us the final ratification next Friday 3rd which is really quick in the world of adoption. We are expecting no issues whatsoever so basically it's a big fat yes for us!!!!!  Whoo hoo!!!!  This means that we will be hopefully starting intros on Wed 8th Aug so I'll be leaving work in a week (OMG!!).  That will be an interesting conversation on Monday as my line mgr is on hols at the moment so I can't tell them until then.

I'm going to be a mummy at last!!!!  Just can't tell you how excited I am. I've read on here a few times that you forget the ups and downs and the long journey you've taken once you get here. It's so true. We've nearly been 2 years on our adoption journey (never mind tx) and now it just seems a blur. It's worth the wait ladies. 


Just enjoying a nice chilled bottle of bubbly with Mr Pooch.  xxx


----------



## bluebabe

Oh poochie that's wonderful news xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Poochie - wow that is fantastic news!! Well done and enjoy your bubbles
X x


----------



## watakerfuffle

yay congrats poochie thats wonderful news   snapdragon glad you are back on track for tomorrow, hope it goes well. 

Hello everyone else and hope your journeys are ticking along well  

I also have exciting news, lo sw is keen to progress with us so we are officially linked! Awaiting a date for matching panel but meeting fc next week. Time to start thinking about all the questions to ask!! Also the most exciting bit is that we have a dvd of lo on the way to us whoo hoo!!


----------



## GERTIE179

Waterkerfufl - brill news x x

Snapdragon - good luck for tomo x


----------



## Arrows

~Lots of good news!

Need a little rant:
I have to leave in the morning to go to my brothers wedding. Also have social worker visit tomorrow to go over CPR. Having spent the last 3 days helping out friends who weren't well having their kids over and doing everything for them, I haven't gotten as much done as I've needed to.
My house was a mess, I've still not finished the bottles for the wedding (recycling wine bottles, cleaning, then relabeling) not packed anything yet to go away for the wedding weekend.
THEN got phonecall to say instead of our social worker coming tomorrow at 10am -her boss (who's really stressy and has no warmth, sense of humour and is allergic to cats) was coming instead and at 9.30am. As we have no working hoover either to get rid of cat hairs I just got really upset. 
So I called about 8 people and noone could or would come over to help me. A number of my friends are away too so that doesn't help. Finally a workmate I haven't seen in a month dropped everything the moment I called and came over for 2hrs to help out. An amazing person!
I'm now exhausted and back sore. Downstairs looking a lot better but still feeling very stressed and upset in general. They had difficulty getting the CPR and i wonder if our SW had just panicked cause she's still new and she likes to think things over and now there's no time for her to. Either way, changing last minute has really thrown me. I know everything else is contributing to my stress too but ARGGGGGGG!!!!!!


----------



## katie c

gosh, lots going on on here   

poochie - i know i said this by text already but yaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy!!!   so happy for you! hope you are enjoying the champers, mummy    

arrows - ugh, what a PITA. thank heavens for your nice colleague. i must admit my housework did slack off a bit for SW visits when i once apologised for the mess and she stared at me like i had three heads. i think we forget what sh*t holes they go into on a day to day basis   

wata - lovely lovely news   

AoC -    for panel

nutmeg - it is weird reading about yourself. i'm sure they've given you a glowing report   

snapdragon - phew! good luck for tomorrow    

hi to anyone i've missed   

i have some news too, in that we have had our panel decision ratified. the SW called me when i was in ikea, having a cheeky look at nursery stuff, funnily enough.   i was dying to grab a trolley and load up on cots, antelop high chairs, toy kitchens, bedding sets etc...but that will wait for when mr c is free too.   i did buy some of those little bibs with sleeves though as my friend who was with me said they're ace, and not always in stock. my first baby purchase!

then i went to toys r us and played with the buggies   

we have our 'forth day course' on saturday, then i guess its a waiting game isn't it? the implication is if we dont have a match by october it'll be next year. so hope we can get in for this year!

the other strange thing was today i tidied out the bathroom and found by left over IVF drugs. felt fab dumping them at the pharmacy, while at the same time it also felt like setting light to two £50 pounds...


----------



## bluebabe

Katie c I've still got the pessaries in my cupboard I should gt rid really xx


Oh there is such good news on here girls, better than a tx thread which rarely had positive stories, now roll on tomoz for snapdragon


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations, Poochie you are going to be a mummy wooh wooh 

Good luck tomorrow Snapdragon   

Watakerffle - Congratulations on the link, you are going to be a mummy very soon 

Arrows- Don't worry to much about cleaning, as  someone else said they see a lot worse and my SW actually told me  ", you really do not need clean every time i come to see you, I need to see how you really live and nobody has a dust free house". I wasn't sure whether to be insulted or not as I hadn't done any cleaning for that week as I had got fed up with doing it every time she came, so I told her she needed glasses 

AoC - good luck for pane

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Arrows

Thanks everyone -the issue is more that my cat sheds EVERYWHERE and the head SW now visiting is allergic to cats, so cleaning of house wasn't helped by my DH breaking the hoover 3 weeks ago. It just needs the cable fixing but not got the equipment we need. Because we're away this long weekend and next, we're left with very little time to get ready for the visit from the child's SW and FF on the 7th Aug, so trying to do as much as I can now. Really wishing the visit was sooner so I'd gotten this over with before my brother's weddings!

Anyhow, I was determined to try and get to sleep early as shattered but heat and sunburn currently defeating me again.

Night guys. x


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All,


Sorry its been ages since I have been on here, everything has been manic. Work, adoption, hobbies, as usual I have taken on probably a little bit too much! Can't change the habits of a lifetime!


A bit of a me post to start, after the little bad patch I was having with the SW last time I was on here, we appear to be making headway. She appears to think our dogs behaviour has improved (as far as DH and I are concerned she hasn't changed at all, but we never felt she needed to anyway! Me biased about my furbaby..... Maybe a bit!). Also, she has really pulled her finger out and instead of a September Panel, we are booked in for the 17th Aug! Excited, nervous, apprehensive..... All of the above and so much more!   


Arrows - So pleased to come on here and see you might have found a match, good luck for the SW meeting tomorrow and getting everything done in time for your brothers wedding. Funny the things that make you find out the genuinely nice people out there! So glad someone could help.


To those who have recently been approved at Panels, CONGRATULATIONS! Fingers crossed for a swift match / bringing your LO's home.


Everyone else, stick with it, wherever you are in your journey, Good things come to those who wait.... apparently!!! 


Anyway, hope to get on here a bit more often, It takes me a while when I do but I do love seeing how you are all doing. 


Enjoy the weekend Peeps!


----------



## laura0308

Hi all,

Sorry I haven't been on in ages but with holidays and our tornado there are not enough hours in the day    .

There is so much good news here it has brought a grin to my face.

Skyblu, Arrows, Wataker, Poochie, Katie C and everyone else I have missed out - Congratulations and Positive thoughts it all progresses really quickly      .

Arrows - I use to get my mum to clean the house before the SW came (she loves it    ) but SW asked how I would feel about the LO messing the house so explained about mum's visits an show it made her feel like part of the process and told mum not to try so hard.

AOC, Snapdragon - Good luck     thoughts and lots of      

Bambino - Hope the progress continues

To everyone else - positive thoughts and good luck    

AFU - Life after the LO is hectic, chaotic and absolutely wonderful.  He is a tornado but his smile sets my heart alight.  We find out more facets of his character everyday.  We took boys to Alton Towers and then down to the Kent coast and found he is a total dare devil, he loves being in the sea regardless of the rain and wants a horse (kept trying to take it home though he kept saying WOOF WOOF to it, think he thought it was a very big dog).

Adoption may be a long journey but as has been said you forget the journey once you have reached the end and within months months you can't remember the time before LO arrived.

Lots of love to all.

PS if anyone in Glasgowish area would like to meet for coffee and chat would be great to get together.


----------



## AoC

Wow, Arrows, I'm reading that and all I'm thinking is how brilliantly you've done, asking for help for all the right reasons, and even though you got a lot of nos, I'm just so impressed with how you've handled it!  I'm in awe!  I'm not surprised you're stressed and upset, though, I would be, too.  (((((hugs)))))  My best tip for cat fluff is parcel tape.  Wrap it round your hand and dab, or just cover the seat cushion, arm of the armchair, whatever the hot spot is in strips and then peel it off in one sheet.  I totally get the angst about cats and allergic visitors!

Yeah, I soon learned not to clean, Sky!  I've started obsessing about when any potential match's SWs come to visit now... *g*

Poochie!!!  That's so fantastic, I'm tearing up for you!!  WOO HOOOOOOO!!!

That's great, bambi!  So glad you've come forward in your date, and your SW is on the ball.

Laura, that sounds wonderful.


----------



## racheypache13

Hi everyone, 
every day lots of positive news which is lovely! Congratulations everyone.
We met LO's foster carer yesterday. Before we went we found out that she had expressed an interest in adopting him (eeeeeek!) The social workers do not support her application but she could still do it in three weeks time as she will have had him a year. As a result things are happening very quickly and they are trying to place little one with us before that! We are very excited but this news has completely thrown us. Has this happened to anyone else please?
Rachey


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Congratulations to Poochie and Watakerfuffle, great news  

Arrows - well done for managing a stressful situation so well, id of crumbled  

Bambinolove - Good luck for Panel  

Hi to AOC and everyone else

Just a short post from me today. Weve just had our final homestudy visit so thats us all done and dusted until panel in Sept. Will get our PAR to read in a few weeks. Pretty impressed with how smoothly and quickly the assessment has gone. Got a list of 'home safety' gadgets we need to get. Our social worker thinks its unlikely we'll have a LO by Xmas but reckons we will most likely have a link and be working towards a match and hopefully bring a LO home early new year, wohooooo   Very exciting. Supposed to be going out for a meal with DH to celebrate but im wrecked. Think ill sign off and have a nap and try to pull my boring self around, haha.

Speak Soon
Can't Wait
XxX


----------



## AnneS

Hi again,

Gertie - thanks for your reply when I was ready to kick DH   . Very wise words! We made up the next day and went out for food and cinema. As you said, we figure there will be far less of that in our immediate future ...  
As for your question re profile: unfortunately I have no experience with that, but best of luck!

Can't Wait - thank you to you as well, you are very right! Men, tsk tsk tsk   

Jules 11 - your dog story made me laugh!! Ouch £160!!

Bluebabe - you do not sounds stupid!! And I was absolutely gob smacked about the FC's comment - how rude!! Don't you pay any attention to that   

Krissi - hope a little extra time will help you. 

Snapdragon - what a kerfuffle!! Your story read a bit like a cliff hanger - glad it had a happy ending!!

Skyblue - are you feeling better? I feel for you, having been approved but still have to wait till January must be hard.   

racheypache - don't panic, I think it is probably what bluebabe says, the SW wants you to be aware and hence to make up your mind about what you can and want to take on? Good luck for the meeting with teh doctor, hope that gives you lots of useful, clarifying info about LO.
Congrats on being matched.

Awh, nutmeg, your BD sounds so cute!! I hope that panel date will be in September!!!!

Greeniebop - you seem to have the perfect SW - nice AND organised. How lovely to hear that you are supported so well.

Poochie - what FAB news WOW!! So soon. OMG, have something in my eye *sniff*   

Watakerfuffle - WOW, more good news.   

Arrows - no wonder you felt like having a rant - glad you let it all out!! Hope the visit went well nonetheless!!

Katie c - so, burning money is how you keep busy, eh??   

Racheypachy - just read your most recent post - hope that will not make things difficult for you. Lots and lots of luck to you!!!

Sorry for no more personal, need to ring my brother.

We had a great meeting with LO's SW and will be put forward by her for a match and hence matching panel. She wants to do this as quickly as possible - WOW!!

Anne


----------



## Jules11

Sooo much great news on here at the moment,  Congratulation to all of you finally progressing and to those of you who are sticking with this wonderful adoption process.   

We've just arrived home after a very hard day (helping my sister in law to move house) to find a letter from our VA confirming our panel recommendation, formally telling us we are approved as potential adopters.   

Letter also asked for our permission to register us on the national adoption register, and to start circulating our details.  This was a bit of a shock.  Our SW had told us they had started looking for potential matches when HS finished in April.  It seems now that they will only start looking when they get our permission forms back.  Happy that they will start seriously looking,  only regret is all those nervous moments jumping up when the phone rings, thinking this is it.  

Thinking positively,  another hoop cleared,  (the Olympics have nothing on those of us in the Adoption Marathon).  Fingers crossed we are now moving on to the next stage of finding our daughter.

Love and big   to all.

Jules


----------



## Poochie1111

Arrows - it sounds like you have a pretty amazing workmate there. Hope the meeting went okay.


Katie - fab news about getting the decision through.  It's official - you're going to be a mum!  Hope you get a phone call soon about a match! Such a good feeling about handing those tx drugs over.  You hear about people getting closure after a failed relationship, well I reckon that just about does it for IVF!


Bambino - really great news about getting on an earlier panel.  Will be hear in no time.


Rachey - it sounds like you SWs thinks that you're right for your LO.  Perfect timing from the FC though.    You could do without that stress


Anne - lovely news. Glad the meeting with your LOs SW well.  Nearly there....


Jules - congrats on getting your 'formal' approval.  Hope you won't have to wait long now,


----------



## nutmeg

Just trying to catch up after a very busy weekend and so pleased to see the good news continues.
Can't Wait we may be panel buddies    we've just finished HS too and waiting for our report - it's very difficult and my patience is growing thin!

Off to read all the news now......


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi Ladies.....Beginning to panic that I am not panicing!!!!   Going to Panel on Thurs am and was wandering is there anything I need to read/learn/understand before I go. Worried that they will ask me something I cannot answer. What to wear?? I was thinking smart/ casual. And wierdly dont know if we should celebrate if/when we are recommended - as it is just that. Our SW says it must go to the top the tree to be rubber stamped and that will take 2 weeks - ...then we are approved!!


Mmmm...so many questions   Hope all goes well for us. Any advice would be welcomed. 


So- excited- Noodles XX


----------



## Arrows

Hi all. Meeting went reasonable well, happy with the CPR and rang to confirm the go ahead this morning -however we have been warned there's a lot of interest in this little-un so hoping we have that extra something they're looking for.
Turns out it was the head SW because ours was off sick again and the head SW didn't want to let us down. She's also put down our meeting with the child's SW and FF so if our SW is off sick again/ still unwell then she'll be there for us.
Although I still find it harder relate to her, the head SW was nicer on Friday and very helpful in her observations and comments. It was useful having someone with experience who knew what she was talking about. Makes a difference and we do see clearly how inexperienced and starry-eyed our SW is.


----------



## bluebabe

We have had a most wonderful day meeting our boys it was special xx it doesn't feel real yet xx


----------



## Poochie1111

Bluebabe - so glad your first day with your boys went so well today     


Noodles - you'll be fine at panel.  They won't ask you anything you don't know.  As for what to wear? Go for something in the middle of smart/casual.


Arrows - glad you meeting went well.  Really hope things go your way


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

What has happened to the lovely sunshine? There has been so much news on here so I will do my best but I apologise if I have forgotten anyone.

Krissi - wishing you the very best of luck as you begin this process.

Poochie - congratulations on your matching panel. What wonderful news for you.

Watakerfuffle - congratulations on your link. It's lovely news and that DVD will be e best thing you have ever seen.

Katie C - Yey, huge congratulations to you. I found our IVF paperwork on Sunday and took great pleasure in shredding it. It felt very cleansing!!!

Bambino love - Good luck for your panel. Fantastic news that it's happening a month sooner. Woo hoo!

Laura0308 - Lovely to hear all about your LO. It's sounds blissful.

Racheypache13 - Wishing you all the best - it sounds very exciting.

Can't wait and Nutmeg - Congratulations on finishing your HS and here's hoping for a prompt panel date.

AnneS - Good luck with your match.

Jules11 - Yey to approval. Here's to the perfect match.

Noodels1 - Good luck for your panel. You will breeze through. It's your SW job to take you to panel when you are ready so you will be fine.

Arrows - Fingers crossed for you and your potential match.

Blue babe - What an amazing and special day for you. So pleased to hear about meeting your LO.

We are in the middle of HS and it all seems to be going well. We are getting on really well with SW and it was a relief that when DH 'dobbed me in' about my guilty pleasure of watching TOWIE, she confessed she watches it too....on series link!! We are trying to book a holiday for a few week's time and she's told us it is likely to be our last child-free holiday so to make the most of it!!! I hope she is right as I can feel that I am getting my hopes up. Isherwood talked about us having children this time next year etc and I desperately hope she is right. It's so lovely to hear all of your good news. This thread is jam-packed full of positivity!

The good thing about HS is that our house is permanently clean and tidy 

Have a good day everyone, I have a sleepy Winnie Cat on my lap x


----------



## AoC

Hi everyone *waving*  Lovely to see your post, Bluebabe.  

'Scuse the lack of personals.  Our PAR is due today or tomorrow and I'm a tad distracted.... *bites nails*


----------



## snapdragon

noodles: as my sw told me the report is about you so there wont be anything you don't know. I felt my panel were just going through the motions as they seemed to have little interest in my answers. I went for smart casual. Good luck, it will be fine.


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All!
Laura0308 - Lovely update, makes it all feel like it will be real one day  
Racheypachey13 - How disconcerting, at least the SWs want you, at the end of the day their opinion must carry the most weight.
Can't wait - congratulations on finishing the home study Sept will be here before you know it.
AnneS - Fantastic news!!!
Jules11 - Yay for the approval and the National Register, shame the SW didn't explain it properly.
Nutmeg - Hope you have your report soon!
Noodles1 - If you are really honest is it going to help to panic? I would say be thankful that you aren't! As for clothes I would say whatever you feel confident in. Good luck!
Arrows - Glad the head SW was nicer, and that she is prepared to follow it through. Fingers crossed things move quickly and positively.
Bluebabe - Glad you had a lovely day! J
Greemiebop - Last holiday on your own, how exciting!
AoC - Hope you get your PAR soon.
AFU - PAR is done and was sent off today to the panel&#8230;. Scary mary! It is very weird to see your life written down on paper! Panel in just over two weeks, SW on hols, so have to hope we have no panics in the mean time!
Bambinolove


----------



## snapdragon

Arrows: Good luck with the lo, must be hard knowing there is a lot of interest

I mentioned before our sw is coming to see us about a little boy, well she is coming on Friday and has just been to see him and has taken loads of photos and we might get to see a dvd as well. Quite excited but feeling apprehensive that for some reason I wont take to him and I'll be letting people down. I know it has to be right but its difficult when my sw seems so sure that he is a good match for us. Apparently lo is quite musical, good job sw hasn't heard me sing lol.


----------



## watakerfuffle

Evening All

Thanks for all the good wishes, great to have you all  

Arrows - competitive matches are horrid, we had 2 other couples but we were apparently the favoured ones but I did keep thinking what if I had been one of the other couples, awful really. 

snapdragon - exciting and anxious times. My advice would be not to write lo off if you don't feel any connection to pics initially. I have to admit that when I first looked at our LO pics I wasn't really feeling it! I read all about him several times over and kept looking at his pics. I slept on it and the more I looked at pics the more I was drawn in!! It isn't the same for everyone of course but just my experience of it. 

AOC - hope you didn't get any surprises in your PAR. Ours certainly made an interesting read!

Greeniebop - glad HS is going well for you, we certainly enjoyed ours. No where near as bad as expected!

noodles1 - I was terrified of our approaching panel but it was all good. Questions were easy ones and panel all very friendly. Good luck with yours and I say go celebrate for sure!!

jules11 - wow sounds like things are moving along

Annes - sounds like we are at similar stage! Exciting times

can'twait- great news, things are moving along for you

Racheypache13 - sorry no advice to offer but hope all goes well for you

laura0308 - lovely to hear your news, helps keep us going!

bluebabe - wow very exciting, can't wait to hear more

Sorry for all missed personals but I think I have done pretty well for me anyway!!! Thanks again though to all my personals. 

Now to talk about me....!! A big bag of mixed emotions tonight, feeling ecstatic that we have been linked to what we feel is a perfect LO for us. Totally blessed for sure. Have matching panel booked for end of Sept and then intros October sometime. My only sadness is that LO is in FC for another few months and we have already missed first birthday, was hoping to see first steps but we may well miss these now :O( I know in the grand scheme of things this is probably trivial but I can't help feeling sad and frustrated with the system.


----------



## skyblu

Watakerfuffle,    try and keep busy and I am sure the time will go by soon, but I know what you mean about the system.   

Hope all of you lovely ladies are o,k at whatever stage you are at, unlike Watakerfuffle I am not very good at doing long list of personels  But I am reading and thinking of you all.

AFU it has been two weeks tomorrow since we were approved at panel and we still haven't had the big stamped letter from the big chief. How long does this take? we were told 7-10 days.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## bluebabe

Just a quickie girls, totally exhausted after our third full day of intros.  We did go out today to local park but had to go back to fc house because of rain.  It's getting better and better each day xx


----------



## Jules11

Watakerfuffle,

I'm so happy for you.  I'm sure it will be worth the wait for you and for LO.  Won't it be lovely actually shopping for things with LO in mind.  

Can I ask about something that is keeping me awake at night.  You mentioned to snapdragon that it wasn't an immediate "this is the One" feeling for you.  Please don't take this the wrong way but do you think you would have been drawn in as much without the photographs.  

The reason I ask is our SW has told us she will try to avoid allowing us to see photo's of a potential match,  she feels this will help us to think more clearly about the content of the CPR.  I really can understand this but I'm so worried that unless I can actually picture the child I won't know how I feel.  I'm sorry if this sounds shallow,  I'm honestly not looking for a child with particular looks.  I think I'll need to visualise the child to really know how I feel. 

I also worry that if I'm interested based on the CPR but once I see pictures of the child I don't feel it's right will our SW think I'm totally shallow.  In fact if this happened I'd probably feel totally awful and unworthy  

I've talked this through with DH and he's tells me I worry too much.    We are seeing our SW on Friday,  we've no idea if it's just a normal catch up 2 weeks after panel or if she'll have some potential matches for us.  I'm so nervous it's driving me a bit mad  .  I thought if we managed to get approved i'd relax a bit.  

Any advice would be very welcome.

Jules


----------



## AoC

Jules, our SW has said there are two schools of thought on this - the first is that you'll make a better decision based on the facts, not the reaction to photos which can be really varied.  The second is that it's not fair to make you choose without actually seeing what you're trying to form a relationship with.  Our SW uses photos, and we're glad of that.

Dammit.  Our PAR has been delayed so we're missing Aug panel.  It's okay, we're disappointed, but it needs to be the best it can be, and SW has worked really hard.  I'm taking a deep breath, girding my loins and moving onwards and upwards!


----------



## AoC

Sky, we were told 7 - 10 working days.  Hope it turns up soon!


----------



## watakerfuffle

Jules11 - Well interestingly for me I had 2 LO to look at both with pics, one I was instantly drawn to and thought he was the one and as mentioned before the other I wasn't feeling it (terrible to say!!) so then I read there reports, and re -read them and read them again! The one who's pic I wasn't drawn to was standing out as being the one for us on paper but I just wasn't sure when looking at pic. Anyway like I said after sleeping on it and the pics becoming familiar I realized that he actually had lovely features and and now he is our little man! Also we now have a DVD and  that helps bring him to life, gorgeous smile, very happy and playful and giggly and it's that character I am sure that we will fall in love with.


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Snapdragon, Watakerfuffle, Poochie1111, Greenidoop - Thanks for the support. I am feeling more empowered!!  



Been reading all your advice and I intend at Panel tomorrow to be 'myself' ! 


  Hope all goes well. 


Noodles xx


----------



## flickJ

Best of luck Noodles, I know you will be fine


----------



## Poochie1111

Watakafuffle - it's a strange time.  You're so excited to be matched and can't wait to meet your LO, then then you still have all these hoops to jump through to get there. It never ends. If it helps, just think how special this Christmas will be for you. It will be his first that he's actually aware of. It will be with you and it will be ultra special. Great to hear you've come to a decision on which LO is the one for you.


Noodles - loads of luck today.  Let us know how you get on.


Skyblu - we were told two weeks but it ended up being 4 weeks!!!  A record they said! It just depends on how busy your agency is with admin. Hope you don't have to wait much longer



AoC - sorry your panel date has had to be moved. You were doing so well. Does that mean you can still get on one in Sept?


Bluebabe - your posts are getting me very excited about the next few weeks.  Can't wait until it's me.


We're hoping for our decision maker decision tomorrow if they stick to their commitment of letting us know by the 3rd.


----------



## snapdragon

Jules 11: I feel the same way. Its really difficult isin't it.

Well I have just recieved 2 video clips from my sw. They are just a few seconds but lo looks lovely, quite a character. He has quite the opposite colouring from me and my husband and I did wonder if I would be more drawn to a child who looked more like me. Anyhow I can't stop crying so glad I saw them before my sw visit. Need to keep my feet on the ground, its very early days and we know very little about him. Even if we want to proceed his sw might not like us.


----------



## nutmeg

Bluebabe - I'm so excited for you, everything seems to be going so well.
Watakerfuffle - I'm with Poochie, what a wonderful Christmas you'll have - but I can also appreciate how the timescales must be so disheartening, you must be itching to get things moving and bring your lo home.
Noodles - Good luck   
Jules - I'm with you on the photographs, I think it's very hard to imagine a child and learn about them without seeing a picture. I don't think that makes you shallow - just normal!
AOC - sorry your panel date has moved, it must be very frustrating. We were tentatively told Aug or Sept and then told Sept or Oct!
Snapdragon - good luck tomorrow, hope everything goes brilliantly.
Sorry for anyone I've missed, but I am reading and thinking of you all.

AFU : I chased up our final referee and sw'r. Spoke to my friend who told me when she was available, then emailed the details to sw'r. He came back and said he would call Weds evening with a view to seeing on Thurs morning as friend is off work. Texted friend to tell her, who then said she had to take car to garage for MOT and evening appointment would be better. So (and this is going to sound horrid) I'm a bit peeved. Her and her husband have said from the off they would be happy to be referees but I now feel that they aren't making any effort at all, sw'r has called several times etc etc. Surely the car could be dropped off before or after their meeting? We're supposed to get our PAR next week, but that now seems unlikely as referee not be seen. Told you I'd sound like a cow, but I just want to get everything tied up now. I feel like I've been so supportive of them in the past and really gone out of my way to help with things - they know how important this is


----------



## Arrows

Nutmeg, you're not a cow -i reckon they don't realise how important they are as referees. We had the opposite as my best friend refused to give a reference as she was scared she'd screw up somehow and say something that would be misconstrued and ruin everything for us (was told about a bad experience someone else had had).

Skyblue -we were told 10days and it took about 3 weeks.

Photo/ no photo debate -I saw lots of profiles with pictures and often fall a little in love with the photos but it's the words that truly matter, cause you'll know if it's something you can handle or not. The LO we're really hoping for and totally in love with, we saw the profile without a photo first and fell in love with it. About 3weeks later we saw our first picture and he was just what we hoped for. I think the photo is helpful but they go hand in hand and it's the details that are more important.

I'm looking forward to the final of my brother's weddings on Sat, though it's forecast to tip it down at the moment!
Them arrive home Sunday and Tues is the big day for the child's SW to visit. Keeping everything crossed!!!!


----------



## AnneS

Hi all,

apologies for a MEMEME post ...

I need some advice please. We met SW of LO and s/he seems keen to place LO with us as quick as possible. This for two reasons: LO's age (around 24 months) and window of opportunity before process could become more complicated.
DH and I got a healthy, happy shock when she told us her placement date. We did realise that this is what she _would ideally like to achieve_, but makes sense because of the deadline attached to LO's placement.
Basically she can move LO with relative ease from current FC to us. Miss the date and SW will have to go back to court or similar in order to be allowd to move LO.
So we went and "adjusted" our life (=understatement) in view of this much earlier placement timetable. And heard nothing. Our Sw heard nothing and now we are getting nervous: has LO's Sw dangled a carrot? Our SW is cautiously optimistic, but is also worried that deadline cannto be made and how many more months (plural!) we might have to wait. She had some negative experience in this field.
Apart from first lot of papers, we had no further (written) info, no info about dates to meet medical advisor/FC, link meeting or matching panel.
DH needs to go away with work for a week soon, not negotiable.

I am starting to panic. (Why is there not a smiley here that bites its nails??) 

So, question to you (preferably those of you in sunny Scotland): how long from meeting LO's Sw to placement?? have heard of sombody where it took 11 monhts, somebody else 6 weeks. 

Thanks for reading.

Wishing everybody a heartfelt speedy adoptio process and much clarity and good advice. Sorry for not contributing at this point.

 Anne


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi everyone,
I am a newbie for adoption. I made the first phone call toady which lasted over an hour to my LA (wakefield), It was very interesting and a lot of things were asked, regarding our familys, jobs, savings, experience with children and relationship history etc. I was happy with everything we discussed and the social worker i spoke to was lovely.
She said based on the information given she had no reason not to put us forward for the next step which is the information evening on 27th september, (i will be counting down the days). 
After coming off the phone i burst into tears and texted dh at work. I feel so happy to be starting this all new chapter in our lifes, hopefully we will be getting an amazing outcome as we are now on the road to becoming mummy and daddy.
I hope you ladies dont mind me joining this thread, i have been a member of Ff's for a few years now and i know all too well how much of a fantastic support network it is.
Thanks for reading
xxx


----------



## flickJ

Welcome to the forum, and best of luck on your journey to adoption


----------



## GERTIE179

Nutmeg - u r not a moo lol - a very excited/nervous prospective adopter  ;-)
Sometimes our refs don't realise the timescale/importance. If me I would call and say is there any way she could contact SW direct n get some time as otherwise you will be delayed by another month or even two?!?

AnneS - I'm sunny Scotland (!) but in horrid waiting period. My SW says minimum 8 weeks from linking to move in under adoption match as they need to have link meet, then MP (plus 7-10 days to ratify), 28 days wait by law unless BPs sign relinquish form, then then can plan intros. Only other way would be if concurrency adoption which not a lot of Scotland LAs do as a rule (they are looking at this more in my la). Fingers crossed but I would take your lead from your SW who will know the situation in depth and what she think. Hugs x

Hi to all & welcome to the newbies - sorry I am rubbish at keeping up with personals :-(

AFU keeping busy with work etc but really really fed up with waiting at the mo. Really don't think we will see a LO home this year (really thought by Xmas 2012). Just bad timing plus lots of delays by our diff LAs (not anyone's fault just unfortunate). So far, I've gutted cupboards & redecorated where i can, internet searched on the big purchases like buggies etc as will depend on age.  We have lots of events planned & hols but I feel nothing is really helping with the wait just now just v grumpy n down about it (plus PMT). Any other advice to keep me sane is v welcome lol

Love to all
X x


----------



## bluebabe

Welcome to the thread unconditional, my ivf buddie and I ad decided to go for adoption and one day she txt me that she had phoned LA so an hour later I rang up same LA.  we ended up with same sw, went to panel sae day and are currently bth in intros! Xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Passed Panel - well it has still to be rubber stamped by the high of the high but it's looking good...


We did a lot of celebrating yesterday                        


A very chuffed Mr & Mrs !!


Noodles XX


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congratulations noodles x


----------



## AoC

Woo Hoo noodles!!!  Congratulations!


----------



## flickJ

So pleased, Noodles - I was waiting for news yesterday, but thought you must be celebrating,  
Here's to a quick match


----------



## AoC

We've heard from our SW.  She says that because we've been delayed, she's going to put an early alert about us on the system for the consortium they work with, ahead of Sept panel.   Every cloud...


----------



## Poppets Mammy

forum buddies  

Welcome Unconditional, your post made me smile, reminded me of when we made the decision to stop treatment and adopt. Its like a weight has been lifted. Your starting a very positive journey, theres quite a few newbies joinning at the min so your not alone.

Bluebabe - Glad intro's are going well  

AoC - Sorry to hear you've had panel delayed until Sept   There's a few of us going to panel together in Sept I think.

Snapdragon - How has it gone today, exciting to think you have a possible match already  

Gertie - your post sounds familiar, its hard to research buggies/beds/car seats etc when we dont have a match isnt it. Ive lost count of the amount of times ive been on mothercare/babies r us etc websites   Hope your feeling more positive soon  

Watakerfuffle - I totally understand you frustration but cant really advise. All though we aren't even approved yet, just talking to our social worker about the matching process after panel has got me thinking that our LO (even though we dont know them yet) is in forster care right now and its prob gonna be min 6 months before their home and that makes me sad and frustrated. Social worker thinks we'll likely be persueing a match through Nov/Dec time but will not likely have them home till Jan. The idea of knowing who they are but not having them with us at Xmas is a hard concept. Hope you get some answers soon  

Jules - The whole avoiding photos while looking at profiles confuses me. I can understand the thought behind trying to focus on the detailed description rather than how they look, but I agree its very important to actually see them to help bring the whole profile to life. I think its cruel to hold photos back, and I agree with the others you dont sound shallow. Its human nature to be drawn by image and the very fact that these children aren't our biological children means we have to be 100% sure that we are committing to a child we can love and bond with as if they are our own. I hope that makes sense, Im not trying to say that 'less attractive' children are less lovable, just we are all different and have different preferences/natural instincts etc. Im not sure Im making sense, ill stop talking  

Well we are just counting down the days until panel, 4 weeks 6 days to go, its flying round. I think ive started nesting, got a long list of jobs around the house to do, started decorating the LO's room, had all the blinds down and cleaned them, got work to do in the garden (DH has gone landscaping crazy, lol). Just want everything perfect for when we do get a little one home so we can concentrate on them


----------



## snapdragon

Noodles: congratulations.

SW visited today about lo. To be honest I'm not sure how I feel. Apparently birth mum is pregnant and sw said they had thought about whether we were still suitable as there is no way we would consider a baby (we only want one and due to my age I really don't want a baby) Lo has been waiting such a long time that they think getting him a family is a priority so we are still being considered. Problem here is that I'm not sure he wouldn't be better placed with a family that would consider his sibling.

Second issue there is to be direct contact with half sibling, they are being seperated due to aggressive behaviour of older sibling on lo and no attchment between them so again not sure if direct contact is in his interest. 

Third issue is there are some medical issues mentioned in passing that I think could be significant (afraid I have been googling) 

She bought some photos and must admit I'm not taking to him at all though I did feel a lot more positive when I saw the video clips. I also feel quite pressurised, My sw has been involved with this lo for 3 years. This is how long they have been looking for a family for him and his sibling (this is why they are being split, she can't find anyone to take both due to needs of older sibling) and she said they do have other children that meet our criteria but were showing him to us first as he had been waiting the longest. Also my husband wants to say yes.

Help!!!!!!


----------



## bambinolove

Congratulations Noodles!!!! Fingers crossed for a quick match.
AoC - Sorry to hear about the delay, hope with the early consortium look they find a match very quickly after panel.
Snapdragon - Wow, that sounds like a tough decision, not sure what to advise you other than definitely take the weekend to talk things through with DH, explain all your worries (although I am sure you have already discussed it loads), maybe talk it through with SW on Monday? If you are having these doubts, and you really aren't happy about the match for both you and the LO you really need to think carefully and take your time.   
Hi to the newbies and everyone else.


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations Noodles  

AoC - sorry about the delay, trust me I know exactly how you feel 

Welcome Inconditional-love 

Snapdragon- I really feel for you what must be a very difficult decision. Take your time and go through all the negative points and then through the positive and see if this helps. You have got to make the decision right for you guys and not feel pressured into making any decisions..  

Skyblu.xx


----------



## racheypache13

Hi,
Congratulations to Noodles and Hi to everyone else!  
We go to matching panel on Monday and if that goes well, we meet LO on Wednesday and he will hopefully move in with us on 14th August!!!!!! It's happening quickly because of the foster carer. We can't believe that in less than two weeks we will have a son at home with us. We are very excited but feel slightly nervous about the quick introductions, what if LO doesn't take to us in that short time? 
Good luck to everyone else and welcome to all the newbies.
Rachey


----------



## AnneS

Morning all,


I am having a difficult time with the old laptop and internet - connection is playing up, so please forgive few personals.
But just to say: WELCOME to newbies and everyone else: am reading and thinking of you all.


Gertie: thank you SO much for your reply. We can be waiting buddies ... Ho, hum. I am not sure what to believe or think as LO's Sw was so persuasive. There are some technicalities that apply to LO's situation, so could be true that SW is really trying to arrange things very fast. Also should say that I have had two VERY differing stories from friends with one waiting almost no time at all, the other best part of a year.
Will keep you all updated. Meanwhile will apply Gertie's info and try to figure out what that might mean for us. Gertie: Best of luck with your wait. I have those same moments where I think, why bother now when Lo is months and months and months away. Makes me very sad at times.


Snapdragon: Sounds like a difficult decision. My heart goes out to you. And a heart breaking background of the children involved. Someone said to me to remember that adoption does not mean to rescue a child. That children are exposed to neglect and abuse but you need to still ask yourself how much of the effects of this you can deal with. You seem to be doing this, of course it does not make you feel great, it is an emotional process.
My DH also showed tendencies to take on aspects that I could not agree with. I do think guilt played a role and I had to ask him to re-consider. He admitted he felt guilty and that he thought about how we could afford for example specialist care. But he had not considered the impact on us or better, the potentially different levels that he or I could cope with. In the end I got quite angry with Dh and told him in no uncertain terms that he could not ignore my doubts. We agreed that we would make decisions on who and what we can cope with on the smallest common denominator, if you know what i am trying to say. That way we felt we can be confident that we can cope. It made us both feel very guilty for potentially turning down LOs (this was decisions documented on our form F).
Excuse lengthy waffle ... 


Anne


----------



## AnneS

Racheypatchey - congratulations!!!   


I have a story form a friend with an equally rapid progress through the end of the adoption process.


I nearly forgot: we now have a panel date for beginning of September ... hence my obsession about how long things take between matching proposal, matching panel and introductions and placements.


Must go and buy a new shredder as someone's story on here inspired me to sort out all my old IVF files and shred them   


Anne


----------



## GERTIE179

Congrats to Noodles & Rachel     

Snapdragon - listen to your doubts but also be aware that it could just be a wee mini panic as you are about to change everything. If you analyse your feelings and you still have doubts then definately speak to DH and SW. I've had friends who panicked a bit after they found out they were pregnant /linked and can imagine the whole host of emotions. Best advice I have received is weigh up all into and read worst case and if you feel you can cope and are still committed (not necessarily a love at first sight) then that sounds a good match as everything else will come. 

AnneS - waiting buddy  thanks I'm back on my pma!

Well my DH has just surprised me and has been super! I've been busy with work and was really struggling with writing a mini profile on us as we are going to an exchange day next month. Had complete writers block I think because it's almost like a dating advert on us - weird feeling! Anyway I'd written notes on what I would like to do / pics etc and DH took it on yesterday afternoon when having a slow work day. He showed me it last night and it's fab - sooo much better than I would do. If I was an unknown SW it would jump out hehe
Just reminds me that the adoption path is one were I feel we are a complete couple compared to ivf.
Hugs x x


----------



## Jules11

Hi all,

Snapdragon,  you must be feeling so torn.  I'd feel the same,  my DH feels fate will take over and I pretty much believe the first profile he sees he will accept.    I love that he believes he can love any child who comes to us. Meahwhile I have so many doubts and worries I struggle to sleep.  I have had a few very frank conversations about issues I'd struggle with,  I think I've got him to agree to talking to me and taking time out to really understand the implications of any match before rushing in to tell our SW we're happy to proceed.

Honestly,  I worry if he'll have us signed up to taking a whole group of LO's everytime he is home from work on his own.  I must say I do admire his commitment to take on a LO who needs love and support,  he is confident he can supply this in buckets full.  

I keep reminding him this is forever.  I got quite upset a few days ago when he said he quite like the idea of a child who is 6+.  We have been approved for a girl aged 2-4.  It was only when I explained that my heart was set on a LO who was young enough to enjoy some firsts with he actually understood that this is something that means so much to both of us.

We are attending an exchange event on Tuesday night with our SW so I'm fully expecting some interesting conversations.

Jules. xx


----------



## AoC

Thanks Can't Wait.    I'm in good company, and feel much better about it all now.  

Snap, my gut reaction is that if you feel pressured, then it's probably not right for you    My second, non-gut reaction is for you to ask your SW to come round again to discuss, and tell them you're feeling pressured and see what they say.  (((((hugs))))

Thanks Bambi, you're a sweetheart.  

I know you do, Skyblu, and you're very restrained not slapping me upside the head and saying, "ONE MONTH?!  DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE FOR A DELAY OF ONLY ONE MONTH?!?!?"  LOL!    I'm so glad you're approved, and Jan will come round quickly...  

That's fantastic, Rachey!  Don't worry, your LO will LOVE you!  

That sounds admirably honest and sensible, Anne, good for you!  I, too, had a tendency to want to accept everything, but we agreed to tread carefully, and on a profile-by-profile basis.    And - OMG! - what a great idea shredding your IVF files!  I'm totally going to do that.  Or I may burn them... ggg

What a lovely gift from your DH, Gertie!  


Good luck with the exchange event, Jules.  

AFU, we had a good weekend visiting my Mum and sweeping her chimney/servicing her woodburner.  Feel much more balanced about everything.


----------



## skyblu

AoC    You are so funny, I hope the next month goes quickly for you. My advice is to keep busy.
Skyblu.x


----------



## watakerfuffle

Thanks for all the supportive messages. You are right Christmas will be amazing   

Congratulations  noodles, sorry if I have missed other news.


----------



## AoC

Thanks Sky.


----------



## Mrs ABA

Good luck Snapdragon - this is such a hard one.  My DH is much softer hearted than I am and is already saying he will contemplate pretty much any health issues for example, so I have warned in advance that the only answer is really the common denominator.  I will contemplate some health issues but by no means all.  That is one of the hardest things I am anticipating on our journey, but you do need both to be sure.  I do think though that it is hard to fall in love with a child immediately, and even my bio mum friends say that it takes time sometimes, but it does come.


Just had the health and safety visit.  Apparently rugs are a trip hazard.  I will faithfully put them up in the loft...


They hope to have us to panel in December!


Congrats Noodles!


love


A
x


----------



## nutmeg

Thanks everyone - well my friend did meet sw'r last Thursday so now I feel guilty lol!! But that's it done and I'm hoping for a phonecall saying our PAR is ready to read   

Arrows - Good luck tomorrow.
Noodles - wooohooo great news   
AOC, I'm glad they're putting you're details out there.
Snapdragon - wow that is so tough, but as others have said, go with your gut instinct. Give yourself some more time to discuss, re-read everything and don't let anyone rush you. I can't begin to know how difficult it would be to make the decision and guilt must play a huge part, but you need to consider yourselves very carefully too.
RacheyPachey - Good luck today, everything will be great   
AnneS - matching panel date, woo hoo! Congrats - hope things move along quickly for you.
Gertie - a big well done to your fabby DH.

Hello to everyone else, now I must get back to work!


----------



## AnneS

Morning all,

am at work, should really not be on here   ...

Just wanted to tell you that we had a HUGE amount of stuff donated to us and are now the proud owners of pretty much everything bar a few small items that you could possibly need for a 2 year old!
I did the whole squeeling thing to DH: look at this, isn't this sooooooo cute *holds up tiny t-shirt*   

Back to work mode now. Onwards and upwards!
Have a good week everyone.

Anne


----------



## Irishlady

Hi so     as haven't been on here for months...but been pretty busy with our wee one. She has now been home for nearly 6 months and I honestly don't know where the time has gone.

I have read back a few pages and want to wish you all the best, it is soooo worth it!! 

AnneS fab to hear your update   Can I ask if it is a boy or a girl? 

We have our court date through for a few weeks time and now we need to think if we should take wee one as well...any opinions on this? 

Right I better get on with list of chores before she wakes up...though the Olympics are pretty addictive!

xxx


----------



## snapdragon

Decision about match has been taken out of our hands. Sw read the email we sent about possible concerns and felt we were the wrong match. Quite upset really, are we not allowed to ask questions? She also said she needs to show our email to her manager as if we have written something wrong, have checked it and can't see anything just asked some questions about health issues and said the CPR was lacking info on his development. We have asked for clafification and she is coming out to see us. We did say we didn't feel an immediate connection which is what I think she has possibly taken against. Its all very difficult as sw has been very involved with lo and is clearly very fond of him.

Also we havn't been officially approved yet, nothing from decision maker and now paranoid they are somehow going to overturn panel.


----------



## Arrows

Snapdragon, I'm sure panel decision will still be fine, but in all honesty I understand why they've said no about this LO. For both you and the LO you want to feel that bit of excitement when you read the profile, a real connection and feeling this is right for both of you. If that isn't there, there are all these concerns and questions you have and they also really want someone who'd consider a future sibling in the very near future, it sounds very much like this isn't the right match for you, as hard and difficult as that is. This is purely my opinion so feel free to discard!
There are so many children out there who need a home, particularly children over 2yrs -I'm sure the right child is out there for you, this child just isn't the one.
Hugs hun, not easy.


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All!
Arrows - Good luck for tomorrow! Will have everything crossed for you.  
Snapdragon - Sorry to hear the decision has been taken out of your hand, I am sure it will have no bearing upon the panel decision. It's entirely possible that your SW is coming out to talk things through with you so that they have a better idea of what your concerns were so they can use it when looking for a match in the future. At the end of the day they are your SW as well as the kids and they should be looking out for your best interests too.  
Irishlady - Olympics v. addictive! As for your question about a 'wee one' are they offering you a sibling? 
AnneS - LOL&#8230;. Love the description of the squealing to DH. Sounds like you have some lovely people around you and you are all set. 
Nutmeg - Glad your reference meeting has gone ahead, hope your PAR is through soon.
Mrs ABA - Fingers crossed for the December panel, could be an amazing Christmas present!
Jules11 - Good luck for the exchange event tomorrow.
Gertie - Isn't it lovely when DH's do stuff like that!
AnneS - Woohoo&#8230; Beginning of September, that's not far away at all!
RacheyPachey - Hope Matching panel went well today.
AFU - Nothing other than a lack of sleep and a lot of work going on here! I am going to be a wreck by the 17th August! I normally consider myself a level-headed person who copes well with stress and can normally get on with stuff and deal with the object of my stress when I have to&#8230;. Panel feels different, it is constantly there on my brain, I am sure I am driving everyone around me mad with talking it! Tomorrows objective is to get through the day without mentioning it!  
Hope you all have a good rest of the week!


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Bambinoinlove - Panel will be fine honestly. We were there last Thursday and I was really nervous as, you know, it means so, so much. However, it was actually fine.The Panel were friendly and the time flew in.  So... dont let your nerves get the better of you!! Your SW will have it all in hand - honest!!     


Hope this helps as I felt exactly the same last week! 


Noodles xx


----------



## Arrows

They seemed to really like us!!!!!
Got to wait till end of August to find out if we've been matched as they have one more adopter to visit (though they didn't seem that keen on visiting them!).
Gonna have our fingers crossed and be praying for the next few weeks, so please feel free to join us!
If we're successful we've been told Panel would likely be October.


----------



## peacelily

Great news Arrows - was hoping today went well    hope your wait goes quickly.


Peacelily xx


----------



## bluebabe

Hi girls, has anyone got any ideas of a small gift I can get for our foster carers?


----------



## MaeveB

Hi bluebabe 

As a foster carer the best present anyone has given me was a photo frame with them and the child with big smiles and the words Thank you engraved underneath, I treasure that picture and every time I look at it reminds me that I helped make that family happen.  I know it might not be to everyones taste but out of all the lovely gifts I've been given that one stands out the most.


----------



## racheypache13

Hi everyone,
Matching panel went well yesterday and we are due to meet LO tomorrow morning!
Thanks for all your good wishes.
Rachey


----------



## Arrows

Racheypachey, YAY!  Huge congratulations!


----------



## bluebabe

Thanks maeve that sounds perfect xx


----------



## Arrows

Maeve, what a good idea!
Bluebabe, how're things going?


----------



## bluebabe

Arrows it's going so well, they come home for good on Thursday the time has just flown.  I won't lie, it hasn't been easy because oldest is going thru terrible twos and gets very unsettled when we have to take him to fc at the end of the day, but tantrums are normal at his age and he is easily distracted.  The baby is a dream.  We were worried about the fc at first because they were very attached but they have welcomed us into their family with open arms, I just want them home now xx


Sorry I havent done any personals my head is all over the place but I do think of u all often xx


----------



## liveinhope

I was going to suggest a photo of the child.  Thats what we did along with flowers and chocs!

We've had a tough week or so following Mr Snuffles direct contact with birth dad which he reacted very badly to. However he is now back to his wonderful self and things are well again, thank goodness

Love to all xx


----------



## Mrs ABA

Woohoo Rachey  what lovely news!


Good luck Arrows.


Bluebabe - that sounds very exciting!


Snapdragon - hope you get some answers and a match which is good for you  .  I don't see why you shouldn't ask questions though, it needs to be right for both and sometimes that will take time.  It would be much worse not to ask the questions.


A
x


----------



## skyblu

Congrats Rachey and good luck for tomorrow 

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

We are trying to get a room ready for a little one. Passed panel last week and have been told we shouldnt wait too long. So getting organised. My question is did you and DH dispute cots?? Lol we have discussed it tonight for about an hour!! We both think cot bed - so fine - the prob. is white or pine? We both want it to be a beautiful, cosy room but dont know how to go about it....  Boy/girl? Age(0-2)? Flooring - wood or carpet?   Have painted the walls yellow    Any advice welcome Ladies. 


Bluebabe - I am so, so chuffed for you. Home on Thursday - now that is Special! You're doing so well     
Arrows - My fingers are crossed for you!
Bambinoinlove - not long to go now!!   
Snapdragon - I honestly think this particular LO was not your best match... And I am glad it was taken out of your hands. If that makes any sense   There's something else out there for you...Take care of you and yours. 
And good ideas for presents for foster carers   


Right I am off to finally relax. Happy Days !


Noodles XX


----------



## bluebabe

Noodles we went neutral with white furniture and wooden floors, stickers on walls that can be changed and above all it's easy to clean xx


----------



## AoC

My advice would be to not agonise too much over it!    We've had a lovely second-hand cot bed given to us by my best friend.  It's a soft, warm pine.  The rest of the furniture will be either white painted or pine, although the dark polished wood chest of drawers that's in there now may stay, too.  The walls are a pale minty soft green, and we've gone with carpet, as much out of respect for my knees during play time as anything else! I'd love to do the sticker thing, but the walls are very old and uneven, with woodchip over the top, so I don't think it would work.

*waving*


----------



## peacelily

Noodles - if it helps, we had a (secondhand) pine cotbed, existing pine wardrobe, and we bought a pine chest of drawers with changing table top.  Walls were (and are still - DS will move into a new, bigger bedroom with his own choice of decor if and when no.2 comes along) beige with animal stickers, and we bought colourful Noah's Ark curtains with blackout lining (and extra blackout blinds   ).  Carpet too.


AoC is right about the knees - when DS was a baby, and then crawling, I went through 2 pairs of jeans at the knees from playing with him on the carpet!!


Peacelily xx


----------



## Arrows

Noodles, we have pine wardrobe and a friend gave us a pine cot. We have carpets which I prefer as they reduce noise, and keep the room  warmer (no heating in that room).  Mind you, we have wood floors downstairs as easier to sweep clean and clean any spills. Whatever you choose will be fine and over time you'll pick what works for you and your child!

I'm keeping myself fairly busy over the next few weeks otherwise I'd go stir crazy! I really feel this is right for us but whether they agree we'll have to wait and see. We figure if it's meant to be God'll make it happen.


----------



## wanabmum

Hi Noodles i have secretly been following you!! Not round the streets just on here!  
Just wanted to say how thrilled i am for you and Dh that you have been approved , time will fly by,  and you will have your bundle of joy - think this Christmas might be the best yet   .
I vote White cot!!!!
Anyway best shoot have appointment at 12 a Gri for our 9th Transfer   
Tell Dh is hair is going to suffer with a little one in toe - TUG TUG


----------



## AoC

Hang on in there, Arrows!

After a day spent with my friend's 16 m.o. twins, I am seriously considering finding or making some lightweight knee pads.... I have old problems with both knees, and while I loved my day with the boys, my knees didn't!  LOL!


----------



## laura0308

Hi All,

Sorry quick note but have been catching up while husband is on lunch from work and I can have a quick cup of coffee!!!!

Jules - Just wanted to reply to say not to worry.  We did not see a picture of Tornado until 3 days after matching panel which was the day before intros began.  I think you fall in love with the idea of them from the Form E and I kept having conversations with him in my head - I sound    now but saying his name over again in my head allowed me to think about him as our LO.

The SW and FF will provide a good vision of the LO's character so as long as that is something you are comfortable with just go for it.

The strange thing about our LO is that he looks exactly like me and my dad.....poor kid    .

Good luck to all....coffee breaks is over and I've promised a trip to the ice cream parlour.

XXX


----------



## AnneS

Hi all,

Snapdragon - am thinking of you. Let us know how you are. I hope you are OK and that SW is understanding and providing explanation and help. How did that meeting go?   

Nice to read so much good news.

I wonder whether I made a mistake: I told colleagues at work, I rally had to as I am plannign to be gone by mid September! HAve to start ahnding over stuff etc.
But now people start coming and telling me their adoption stories. It is starting to be a bit draining, no matter how well meant. I can just see the good advice following soon - oh dear! And people start giving us things, also very lovely, but again, at thsi rate we might have to turn down stuff!
I hope I won't upset anyone.   

I am reading: Real Parents, Real Children - anybody else found that useful? 

Anne


----------



## racheypache13

Hi all,
Quick Me post!
We met our son today and he is just gorgeous! Our BD meets him tomorrow and he will come home next Tuesday!
To everyone just starting off or hitting snags, stick with it, dreams do come true
Rachey


----------



## Poochie1111

Rachey - oooh, how exciting.  Tuesday will be hear before you know it   


Arrows - glad your meeting with the SWs went well. Hope you get to hear some good news sooner than the end of August!


Really good to hear some ideas on what to buy as a gift for FC.  Helps a lot!! I was wondering myself what was appropriate.



We got some good news today.  We got the final decision maker approval today. Whoo hoo!!!!  So we're on for meeting our LO next Thursday and I leave work this Friday. Can't quite get my head around it. So unbelievably excited!!


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Thanks for all the advice Ladies   . You are all so Wonderful !! Update is - we have bought  a pine cot bed and it is sitting in the room in boxes. Will defo. need to assemble it sn.


Wanabemum !! - Aaaw.... what a lovely post  . Thanks so very much. It is so nice to hear from you. We have been over the moon - cloud nine. However more waiting-which does kill me but know we MUST be getting there. Do keep in touch!! And Good Luck - you're due it!  
Arrows - fingers crossed for you hun!!
Rachey - It's all happening and you have given me hope. 
Peacelilly - I hope to be a very active Mum - so the knees in the trousers will defo. be out!!
Anne S - how exciting!!


Catch up with you all sn. Cheers! Noodles xx


----------



## Mrs ABA

Rachey and Poochie - what fabulous news!  Noodles too! So v excited for you.  


Finished our prep course today, makes me feel that we have made a big step down the road where our LO will be waiting for us!


A
x


----------



## bluebabe

We bought two little wooden ducks and a photo in a frame, the frame is wooden and engraved "thank you for helping us grow" I got a card off the lo's and drew round their hands on it.  My heart is breaking tonight I miss my lo's so much but one more sleep xx


----------



## nutmeg

*Bluebabe* - wow today's your day  hope everything goes fabulously.
*Liveinhop*e - sorry your ds had a bad visit with his dad, glad he's settled now though.
*Arrows*, keeping fingers crossed for you  
*Rachey* - amazing news, enjoy the next few days. I'd be interested to hear how your bd gets on. Our dd is getting more and more excited and I can't wait for her to meet her brother or sister - pictures she draws now include a brother and a sister  
*Poochie* - wow, good luck!
*Mrs ABA* - another step closer  
*Noodles* - start putting your cot up. Ours is under our bed atm and the spare room is where we store all dds old clothes etc but I don't want to start sorting it all in case we jinx anything!  
*bambinolove* - hanging in okay?

Hope everyone else is okay. Our sw'r had put a note in his diary to call us yesterday in regards to our PAR, but no phonecall as yet. Hopefully in the next couple of days? We're also awaiting blood test results for our poorly 17 yr old cat  We had one put down last summer and the same may happen soon 

Enjoy the sunshine.


----------



## snapdragon

sw has visited about failed match, seems my lack of reaction when she showed us the photos, when she  said  lo looked like me, was a big issue for her. Apparently adopters normally jump at stuff like that  Fair enough, maybe, (though I really can't see any resemblance) but I think I'm going to find it hard in future feeling my reactions are being monitored. 

The other sticking point was us aking questions about medical stuff, they feel that because of my husband's medical knowledge (he's actually a scientist and has no medical knowledge outside his field which is pretty much none) we will  be doing this with every child and have compared us to a couple of doctors that did this and who never ended up adopting.  From this questioning about lo's medical symptoms they feel we have a lack of understanding of the early trama and the uncertainties of children in care.  I have to confess it was me not my husband that looked up the medical stuff, maybe I should tell them? Quite frankly my husband would never have done so.

They feel we are still affected by a failed match in March and do we need to take time out. I did point out that we hadn't asked any medical questions on that occasion (we had a different sw at that point). 

There are no other potential matches on the horizon not that it sounds like they want us to adopt at all.


----------



## AoC

Oh snapdragon I am so mad for you!  I really feel they're not being fair.    For goodness sake, even if you had seen a resemblance and were excited about it, you might not want to react in case you're jinxing it!  Surely it's got to be okay to be cautious initially.  (((((((hugs)))))))

I think the best thing you can do is stay calm and pleasant and outline why you think it's best for everyone involved (including the child!!!) to have as much information as possible when matching - after all, this has got to be right for everyone.  If you feel you're discouraged from asking questions, that's going to make it difficult to proceed.

Many hugs, Snap.


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All,

Snapdragon -    I am sure they do want you to adopt, I think it would be a good idea to tell them that it was you not DH that looked up the medical stuff, and that he has no actual medical knowledge. It sounds like they are assuming things that just aren't correct, and really they need to be put straight. Keep your chin up hon.

Nutmeg - Hope you hear from the SW today. Also, hope the cat is ok, fingers crossed the blood tests come back ok. 

Bluebabe - So exciting.... your babies are coming home today!

Mrs ABA - Hope HS starts soon!!!

Noodles - How exciting, getting the room ready   

Poochie - Leaving work tomorrow, meeting LO next week, what a fantastic week ahead!

Rachey - Lovely post, there are just so many exciting posts at the moment!   

AnneS - I so understand what you mean! My mum is getting fed up with people saying 'oh, she wants two, that will be hard work!' she has started to say she's always worked hard so what is the difference! Just think thought, September is only 3 weeks away....   

Arrows - Fingers crossed!!! Hope you hear soon. Keeping busy sounds like a good idea!

AFU - Well me really! I am just about hanging on to my sanity   although I was worried for a while there!    I am definitely feeling better about it today, its amazing what a good nights sleep will do! Thank you for your support, you are all lovely! Off work tomorrow which is also probably helping, off to Eton Dorney to watch the canoeing!!! V. excited!

Must get back to work I suppose, but has been lovely reading so many happy posts!

Bambinolove


----------



## AnneS

Snapdragon: I find your SW's comments quite stupid and short sighted. I agree with AoC and Bambinolove: Everyone going through this process will protect their feelings/reactions to a degree. And I also agree that you should put their assumptions straight.

Good luck with it and I hope you will get the support that you deserve. I do think they will want you to adopt. If only because they have by now invested a lot of time and effort in you. We had that impression. Some time after adoption panel we felt we were treated with more interest. Bit like a valuable commodity   .

Take care Snapdragon.   

Anne


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Snapdragon - Just wanted to send some 'hugs' your way. Agree with AnneS. Our SW said we must speak up and ask questions to make sure its the right match. Did you say that he/she had been heavily involved in LO? Maybe their judgement in this case was a little clouded? It happens to the best of us but they need to understand that you were coming from a place of wanting to make sure this was absolutely the right match for you and for the LO. 

Hi to everyone else. no time for personals as I am stripping wallpaper....I will never again wallpaper as taking it down is taking forever but the end is in sight. Nice delivery with new curtains and duvet covers etc so looking forward to painting and decorating our room. Then its onto the two spare rooms, neutral (but hopefully in preparation for LO/LOs in the future)

Take care 

Greenie xxx


----------



## snapdragon

Annes: At some point the sw did call us a valuable resource, lol

I think the manager has overreacted to us asking one medical questiion. We even said we had no problem with most of the medical conditions that could be indicated. Apparently she took one look at our email and said "here we go again" referring to those doctors who never adopted due to their constant medical questions.


----------



## snapdragon

Greeniebop: yes our sw was very involved with lo, she tried to find a home for him and his brother for 3 years, how you cant find a home for a 2 year old and a new born baby I don't know. Its very sad, they now say older brother at 5 is so aggressive he will have to stay in foster care.

I hate stripping wallpaper, last time I did half the wall came away with it.


----------



## snapdragon

Yay I'm officially approved, promised phone call never came, just got a letter dated the 3rd!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congrats Snapdragon. Now onwards and upwards. I've finished the wallpaper stripping just in time to get in the garden for some sunshine

Have a lovely weekend ladies. We have a mammoth 3 hour session with our SW at 9am tomorrow as she had to postpone one of our two sessions this week so thought it would be good to condense into one long session. Poor DH will be finished off by the end of it. xxx


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Snapdragon - what a time you are having!! But silver lining - you're approved (dated the 3rd lol!)   
Greeniebop - Good luck with a double session. Wow - dont think Id have volunteered for that but at least it is moving you on Quicker - which we all want on here. 


Me - I'm back to work soon. Have had a great holiday    And Approved now which is fabulous     But, ahem what practically has changed?? I ask myself this ever now and again and then push myself to move on.... hey ho it's all got to happen one day - we're just waiting on that day!!  


Love to all out there. A surprisingly melancholy Noodles XX


----------



## AnneS

Hi everyone,


the sun is shining - in Scotland!! So just a quick 'hello' to everyone and wanted to know how Snapdragon is doing (congrats on being approved!!!) and wishing you all a really nice weekend.
 
Anne


----------



## E3021

*Hi Noodles*, just read your post and wanted to send a hug! I had days like that too in our (mercifully) short wait between approval and finding our children.

You WILL be a mummy now, it's a case of when not if. This waiting bit is hard, but once you've got your LO (s) in your arms it honestly melts away to a memory rather than a living pain. The right one is out there for you and when they need you, you will find them.

Having got our babies home it's easier for me to say this because my waiting is over - but I've had six years (including TTC) of waiting to get them and I know what it's like.

Spend this time getting some neutral and special bits - like a soft toy, something for their room. Also go out loads and do the stuff you won't be able to when you've got them home - we went to a festival, had a mini break, got rip roaringly drunk, saw friends etc etc and it did pass the time.

Anyway, enough waffling, just wanted to say hi and try to cheer you up.xxx


----------



## snapdragon

Happy weekend to everyone.

AnneS: I'm good thanks, we are putting it behind us, and waiting for the next possibility.


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

E3021 - Thanks so much! You have made me feel better. It was the part 'when you have them in your arms' Aaawwwwww! And you know you're right now I WILL be a Mum. We've only waited 4 and a half years so not as much as six! I need to be 'impatiently patient' as an adopter at prep classes said of this period in her life. 


Cheers! Noodles


----------



## E3021

*Noodles* - 4 and a half is still a long time, but your end is in sight now - and your arms will soon be full of a wriggly LO! 

AFU - just had to drive littly round and round to get her to sleep- think a tooth may be putting in an appearance soon as she's not normally like this at all. Asleep in car seat in cloakroom now LOL! We are sitting in silence in lounge hoping for a half hour long bit of peace!


----------



## AnneS

E3021 - you make it sound so glamorous   

Anne


----------



## AnneS

Snapdragon - good for you to move on. May your match be just around the corner   

Anne


----------



## skyblu

Oh Snapdragon, I agree with the others you SW was bang out of order. At the end of the day that child/children have to be right for you and if you don't feel it is not right, then it's not and as far as asking medical questions, I think that it would of been worse for you not to ask questions. Me think's your SW is slightly 
But now at least you have your silver lining at been formally approved, we are still waiting 
Heres hoping your lo isn't to far away and he/she will be with you soon  

AFU, well we were recommended for approval to adopt on the 19th July and we still haven't heard anything, has this happened to anyone else?
We did have a phone call last Tuesday from our new SW saying that as far as she knew everything was allright, it is just a case of too much paper work and only one person to make that final signature. She also wants to come out and meet us on the 28th August to get to know us and she said we might feel we are going over the assessment again as she will be asking a lot of the same questions as our previous SW. We really thought this was all over and just a case of waiting to have a child placed next year 
Oh well onwards and upwards

Skyblu.xx


----------



## AoC

Oh hugs, Noodles, you've come a long way!  I'm sure things will move for you soon.  

Hey Anne, hope you enjoyed the sunshine!

Lovely words, E3.    Beautiful.  I keep telling myself now it's not if, but when, and friend keep saying what a fab mummy I'll be.  They're biased, of course, but I'll take it!   LOL at the sleep method...  I've heard so many parents say they do that!

Glad you're looking forward, snapdragon - hope you hear good things soon.

I like 'impatiently patient', noodles. 

Hugs, Sky - sorry it looks like you're going to go over old ground again.  I'm sure it's just so she can get to know you to look for a good match, but if you're unhappy with it, make sure she knows (in the nicest possible way...  ).  Hope you hear soon, and the 28th goes well.

AFU, I've just been away with a bunch of Viking re-enactors, and had a fab time.  But I'm completely zombied today!  Still waiting for our PAR to arrive, but I expect it'll turn up this week.  Panel tentatively the 20th Sept.


----------



## nutmeg

Snapdragon - I'm not going to say anything as you're moving onwards and upwards but have some of these anyway   
AOC - yes you will be a great mummy   

Well, still stuck in limbo here waiting for our PAR. SW'r put a note in his diary to call us last Weds but still heard nothing. Should I drop him an email or wait a bit longer?    Don't want to appear too pushy, but don't want to be pushed down the list either because we're not pushy enough?!? It's not looking good for Sept panel now either as surely we'd have the date by now - I'm not enjoying the not knowing when panel might be!! I want something to look forward to


----------



## Arrows

Nutmeg -Call them! When someone promises to do something then they should stick to their word. Just ring/ write and say that as you were expecting to receive info on Wed but as you still haven't, you were inquiring as to the state of things.


----------



## blueytoo

Hi all

I have my first home study visit tomorrow and it's going to be an extended one as my social worker is working with me to try and get as much of the material covered before I start lectures and placement in September as then we will have to move to evening visits because my degree course has a 100% attendance requirement.

So, she will be here about 4-6 hours she said, she basically has cleared the whole day so we can work through as much as possible which suits me down to the ground. She's coming at 10am as the LA is an hour away from here and not my county LA because of a conflict of interest with my degree.

I can't wait until she has gone to eat lunch because I start to feel really ill and sick if I don't eat at relatively regular times and I am also on a diet so must stay on track. So I thought I will offer her lunch as well although I know that she may not accept. I really, really, really hate catering for other people so thought the easiest thing to do is quiche and salad. Do you think that will be ok? I am not at all nervous about the home study but am stressing over the food


----------



## Arrows

Blueytoo -Quiche and salad will be fine I'm sure -I've had my SW over for food twice as around meeting times and I just gave her what I ate. Last time it was tortilla wrap with tomato puree and cheese in, melted for 1 min in the microwave -I felt fairly cheap but she loved it and went away planning on trying it with her little boy! You make it clear when you need to eat and I'm sure it'll be fine. It'll be good to make it clear that you eat regularly anyhow as a good routine. If I don't eat regularly I feel queasy so I have to too -it's never been a problem with our SW.

AFU last week our SW confirmed that she felt our meeting had gone well and that they were highly complimentary of us in the car on the way back to the station. This was really helpful. Them today I emailed her to check on progress (I really was trying to chivvy her into being more proactive) and she replied that she'll email them at the end of the week. That's something anyhow! Waiting impatiently, Arrows x


----------



## baby0684

Im terrible for food and drinks *blueytoo*.

On my 1st visit i realised that I didnt even offer the SW a drink. The next time I think she didnt like the cup of tea. Subsequent visits she has just has juice.

My last visit with SW she saw me for 3 hours, then visited 1 of my referees for hour and half. She must have been starving.

I think I made a positive impression other week as she was meeting my BD and I had already prepared lunch for her when BD came home.


----------



## blueytoo

Thank you both, I feel better about it all now. My DS will have to eat too obviously but I am praying that he doesn't kick up a fuss as he does 90% of the cooking and making lunches! He says I make a mess and don't do things properly in _his_ kitchen! 

I will prime him not to make a big deal of it as he does love to be sarcastic when I do cook - "oh wow mummy, you actually made me lunch for once"


----------



## nutmeg

Thanks Arrows, I dropped him an email this morning and he did reply quickly saying he was "starting to admire your tenacity"    another way of saying we're doing his head in I think!!
Anyway due to a heavy case load and emergencies we were effectively overlooked but he reckons he's now back on an even keel and hopes to have our draft PAR ready for Friday 24th. And he's HOPING for panel in October    I know these things happen but surely the more things are put back the longer children have to stay in care. We were originally given August as a possibility and now it's Oct and we don't know when in Oct. Nevermind.....

Hope everyone is well.


----------



## racheypache13

Hi all,
Will catch up later as have had a busy few days but......
our boy is home!!!!!!!           
today has just been lovely. A bit nervous about bed time as he doesn't normally go to bed until 11 but overall WOW!
Rachey


----------



## peacelily

Great news Rachey!  11pm though


----------



## snapdragon

Arrows: Sounds positive, hope you hear something soon 

Nutmeg: Thats disappointing, we had to wait several months after our PAR was ready, unfortunately the panels seem to get booked up quickly.

Our sw is talking to a colleague about another lo and is hoping to get back to us tomorrow.


----------



## AoC

Woo Hoo Rachey!!!  But blimey, 11pm

YAY Snapdragon!  I'm glad they've got something else under consideration for you so soon!


----------



## snapdragon

Rachy: didn't realise you were adopting a teenager, lol. Hope he doesn't get up too early.


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,
Just popping in to say hi   

I just can't manage to keep up with the thread and personals now but I do read and love to hear how everyone is and all the exciting news  
Speaking of which......Congratulations Rachey....and I'm another one to say.....11pm!!!?  Wowzers!, I'm sure you'll get that sorted in no time though.

To all those having a hard or just plain frustrating time of it, I've said this many a time (as have others), but hang in there, you'll be at the end of the long road before you know it and it will be worth every moment of the long journey it took to get there  
I never tired of hearing people say that when I was going through the assessment, especially at times throughout the process where all the 'red tape', formalities and hurdles take you to a place where you almost forget what it's all for.  

I went out for dinner last night with 3 girls from our prep course (we are good friends now and have playdates fortnightly), it was so lovely though to get out without the littlies in tow. We were looking forward to the adult conversation but actually spent the whole evening talking about our lo's!   
I mention this as I know that every one of those girls (and we have all had miscellaneous setbacks and hurdles to get where we are) would say the same, and that is that you walk into your lo's room at night, see them curled up asleep and think 'how did I get so lucky and so very blessed?'

It all happens for a reason and whatever part of the journey you are at, and what ever setback or delay you are experiencing, just remember that it is playing out a certain way and taking a certain length of time in order to get you to a place where your paths cross with the particular lo/s that you are meant to be with.

Lots of love to all,
Anj x


----------



## AoC

Beautiful words, Anj, thank you.


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All,


Nutmeg - nothing wrong with being tenacious, at the end of the day, it is your life and the lives of children in care we are talking about! Surely with some of the issues we could feasibly take on tenacity can only be a good thing! 


Arrows - hope you have good news to start off the weekend!


Blueytoo - hope your home study went well today


Skyblu - Hope you get your approval through soon. Don't forget it's holiday time so that may have delayed it.


AoC - hope PAR comes through soon


Rachey - fantastic news, hope you sort the bedtime out soon!


Snapdragon - hope you have some good news tomorrow


Angelissa - lovely post, thank you!


Hope everyone else is having a good week.


----------



## GERTIE179

Rachel - woo Hoo congrats

Angelissa - aww thk u those words are lovely and I will hold onto that thought as I'm really struggling with the waiting just nOw

Love to all
X


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Rachey - how fabulous to have your (11pm!) boy home! Congratulations honey. You are now a Family!!!   


Snapdragon - You'll be following in Racheys footsteps soon honey   Stick in there. 



Anj - thanks for the encouragement it definitely helps me. 


Back to work sn    So may have less entries but I will be reading this link lots...


Take care of yourselves, Noodles x


----------



## skyblu

Thank you Anj for those lovely words, I really needed something like that. 

Snapdragon- best of luck for tomorrow.

Rachey - congrats on getting your boy home, me thinks his bed time needs looking into though  how old is he?

AFU, still waiting on the bloody signature 

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

Almost finished the decorating but just had a phone call from our SW to tell us that we are booked into Oct panel!!!!!!!! OMG it all seems to be happening!

Rachey, huge congrats on having your son home....hope the modification of bedtime goes well

Skyblu - hope you get the signature soon.

Good luck snapdragon.

I know I've missed lots of you, I'm really sorry I just had to pop on.

Back later x


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All,

Slightly stressed here, our SW has gone off sick two days before panel. I am thinking it is a good thing as we are only her second couple to take to panel and now we have the big boss who has seemed lovely everytime I have seen or spoken to her. Also, hoping that the panel might be more understanding as it is a last minute replacement, but I have to say it isn't helping with the nerves!


----------



## Arrows

Bambino -hugs, it'll be okay!!


----------



## bambinolove

Thanks hon, how are you doing, have you heard any more yet? You still impatiently waiting?


----------



## snapdragon

Have been sent brief profile of little girl, aged 3, 2 other interested parties but we would be first choice as they are out of the la. The foster carer has given what looks like a very honest account (she looks like quite hard work) and we are going to say we are very interested. Need to be a lot more positive this time.


----------



## Arrows

Bambino, yes, still impatiently waiting.  However my house is clean, the laundry is done, the dishes are done, even the third bedroom (otherwise known as the dumping ground!) is now relatively tidy and ready for use as in-laws coming tomorrow to stay until Sunday. Unfortunately all of my close friends are away at the minute so I'm sat at home bored out of my skull!

Snapdragon, I'm glad they're showing you more options. We've been shown a lot of potential profiles (and they really increased dramatically after 3mths when we went on the register) and although there were lots of very cute profiles and children we could see ourselves with, only the one we're waiting on hit me really strongly. Hope you get a sense of peace/ excitement -whatever it is that you're looking for to know that a child is right for you. hugs


----------



## snapdragon

I'm excited, sw coming to see us on Friday.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck snapdragon


----------



## snapdragon

Not happy, just been given the CPR and the birth parents live 20 mins walk from my house. Why have they even shown it to me.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Oh no. Maybe SW has some additional info that makes her an option? Hope it all works out snapdragon, thinking of you x


----------



## snapdragon

Have spoken to sw, they realise it could be a problem, but still think its worth considering as they feel as birth parents  havn't had contact for a year they probably wont recognise her. They have said we wont be able to use our local supermarket though! Will need to give this some thought but thinking this seems a bad idea.


----------



## liveinhope

So frustrated girls, know you will understand.  We were due to be going to panel at the end of Sept to be approved again for Mr Snuffles little brother.  We sadly lost my dad 7 weeks again but was told that as I was coping so well the placement could continue.  However our SW has come today and said that we have to wait 6 months to go to panel because of the bereavement, my major health problem (over active thyroid) and LO's difficult behaviours following contact with his birth dad (which wont be happening again!)  Devastated.  The wait might mean Little brother not even available anymore


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hello Everyone, lots happening again, great to read - just not so great to keep up with personals so apologies.

Snapdragon - What is your social worker playing at   Seems a lot for you to accept knowing they are so close to yourselves and being told you cant use your local supermarket. Surely if its an OK idea to place a child so close to BP then they should be saying something along the lines of 'they are no risk/wont recognise her as haven't seen her since birth/are planning to move out of area/don't worry you'll be able to behave as you would normally-no restrictions/they don't go out much' or something like that to reassure you. Not 'oh but you cant shop there anymore'. Surely they can see thats going to worry you and cause anxiety, I know it would with me. I hope you get some more positive info and reassurance to make this a more possible match.   

Liveinhope - Thats crazy! I can understand that they want to make sure you are recovering from your recent bereavement (sorry to hear that BTW  ) and your new health problem is under control and that your little one's behaviour has settled down after his not so positive experience with BF (Glad to hear thats not going to happen again) but putting a strict time limit on that seems a little   You could be all sorted by Oct anyway. I'm sure they wont consider other matches for Mr Snuffles little brother in the meantime though, it would just not make sense to do so knowing that you guys are wanting him and already have his big brother. Its just frustrating in the meanwhile waiting for them to make things official. Theres just so many obstacles and red tape in this process. For god sake cant we just GET THESE CHILDREN HOME!!!   **Rant Rant **

AFU - 3 weeks until panel, still haven't received PAR and references haven't received their referee write up to sign and send back to SW. I knows hes working very hard to get it all typed and sorted so holding off hassling him and worrying just yet. Will maybe make contact next week if still haven't heard anything. Also saw a profile in BMP and just couldn't not mention it to SW so emailed him with the link, half expecting him to   at us but he actually agreed it looked promising at 1st glance and said he'll follow it up and request more info. Eeeeeeeeeee. Cant wait to be reading CPR's and finding our LO, don't doubt its going to be hard but exciting as well  

Hope everyone is well and not too frustrated


----------



## Poochie1111

Liveinhope - that's so annoying!! So sorry to to hear you have to wait longer. 6 months seems a bit too extreme. Have they definitely said that your LOs brother may not be placed with you?  It does seem wrong especially if you are so keen to keep them together.


Snapdragon - our LOs birth parents live about a 10 minute drive away. I know it's unlikely that we'll bump into each other in the supermarket but it did worry me at first that we may see them but I'm not too worried now.  I'm sure they wouldn't have shown you the profile if they were worried.   


Ang - good to read your update.  Wise words.  We're so lucky we're at the end now but I always found it good to read yours and the other ladies updates, knowing that there is light at the end of the long tunnel.


Rachey - yay to your little boy being home!!!  It much be such a fantastic feeling    


AoC - I think I read on one of the earlier pages that you've got a Sept panel date now.  That's great!


Well, the day has finally arrives for us.  First days of intros tomorrow.  I can't quite believe that we have made it. Will let you know how we get on. x


----------



## liveinhope

They have said there is a possibility they would consider other matches as due to his young age (8 months) they want him with his forever family asap.  However his court proceedings wont finish till at least November so thats not too long from our deadline

Good luck tomorrow Poochie


----------



## bluebabe

Good luck tomorrow poochie it goes so quickly xx
Live hope, we only live a twenty min drive away from b fam but I don't see it as a prob anyway I asked our sw what would I do if I saw them, she said jst ignore or phone police bt they avent seen the kids since they were born anyway
All going well here, had a bad time last nite, older one very challenging really felt like giving up but I was overtired and so was he.  Xx


----------



## AnneS

Hi all,
Just trying to catch up from my last post - which was about sunshine, I seem to recall and now at we have is more of this    again. Grrrrrrr
Skyblue - we did wait for about 8-9 weeks and then our match was pure coincidence and we would have waited longer (after approval that is) and were warned it might take 3-6 months to get matched.
AoC - Vikings, eh?? Sounds like fun. Hope that September date comes round quickly.
Nutmeg - yes, I would make contact, I agree with Arrows on this.
Blueytoo - good luck with that loooong session and preparing the food!
Rachey - WOW and WOW again - really, 11pm??   
Angelissa - thanks for your uplifting post!
Bambino - good luck for Friday!!!! Sorry to hear about the last minute change, but I am sure you are right and in good, experienced hands!
Noodles - hi there 
Greeniebop - October, wow. You will be there in no time.
Snapdragon - I hope you will find a profile soon that 'speaks' to you. And I understand your concerns about birthfamily living close. Be strong.   
Arrows - you keeping busy, hope you will have a nice time with your in-laws.
Liveinhope - so sorry to hear about your delay. Could you talk this over with your SW? Surely what you explained in your post is worth mentioning and discussing??
Cantwait - good for you to take matters in your own hands. And I would also go and prod your SW a little. No good leaving the paper work till last minute before panel!
Oh Poochie  - how exciting !!! I hope it goes really, really well. Let us know how you got on.
bluebabe - Good to hear from you and thanks for openness in pointing to a more difficult moment ... I hope everything looks better after a good sleep.
As for us - more waiting ... Anyway, we have our preliminary matching panel for beginning of September, so must not grumble. But at the moment it just feels as if it takes for ever. Have started to amass quite a collection of stuff. 
Take care and I hope I have not left anybody out.
Anne


----------



## bluebabe

Anne I think I'm being hard on myself, I teach little ones and run parenting courses bt it's all gone out of my head lol, the shoes on the other foot now haha xx


----------



## Poochie1111

Day 1 over. It went really well. Such a strange feeling meeting her for the first time. She is absolutely gorgeous. We spent a few hours just happily playing together. I can totally understand why they say intros are very tiring. I feel exhausted just after day 1!!!! Goodness knows what I'll be like by the end of it  

  <=== My face!

Anne - just enjoy the next few weeks. They will go quickly. Matching panel will be here before you know it.

Bluebabe - hang on in there. It will get easier. Bet you're still loving though


----------



## bluebabe

Poochie we are loving it haha xx glad your first day went well xx


----------



## AoC

Poochie, I am so over the moon for you!  And I love the look of your face....  You've paid your dues, honey, and now you're at the end of the sad journey, and the beginning of the happy one.


----------



## thespouses

OK I don't come on this thread much but just to say our adoption decree (like the adoption order) came through yesterday, he's ours now!

We have to get the UK paperwork sorted (birth cert etc.) but that's all a formality.


----------



## AoC

Congratulations!!!


----------



## snapdragon

thespouses: congratulations.

We met with our sw and family finder today but didn't get very far. They feel birth parents don't go out much so not too much of a risk. They did say we would have to avoid our main town and my sw had forgotten I couldn't drive so that is an issue as bus route goes past the estate. At the end of the day we will have to convince matching panel and at the moment I think we all feel I couldn't do it. The plan at the moment is to meet the children's sw to find out more about birth parents.  I still feel we should let this one go and my husband still feels we should go for it so not an ideal situation.

What I would really like to do is talk to my old sw as I really value her advice but I think she will feel its not her place. What do ypu think? She is an independent sw.


----------



## Arrows

Snapdragon, i totally understand and think you're making the right decision. Not sure about asking the old SW for advice or not but go with your gut.

Poochie, enjoy every moment! How long are your introductions? I know they can vary based on location, age etc

AFU, got more feedback from our SW today. She spoke to the manager of our potential LO's LA and we've been told the decision meeting will be held on 28th August. She also said that the manager told her they were VERY KEEN on both of us!  No way my heart is not involved with this little boy. I totally and completely from first reading his profile (without even any pics on it!) felt he was ours and everything is just confirming it. I know the SWs tell you to be cautious but afraid I'm too far gone in love with him. If they say no, against all my instincts, we will be devastated but I wouldn't have it any other way. I think it's important to invest ours heart as the potential grows.
So: Roll on 28th! I will be impatiently waiting on the outcome!


----------



## bambinolove

TheSpouses - congratulations! Lovely start to the weekend
Arrows - I have everything crossed for you.
Poochie -  lovely!
Anne - hope your panel comes around quickly!

AFU - we were approved at panel this morning! Such a relief. Family that were on standby all coming round for a BBQ to celebrate tonight. Champagne already open! ;-)

Hope all you lovely people have a lovely weekend!


----------



## snapdragon

Arrows: that sounds very positive. Its difficult to hold back and remain cautious. I really hope it works out for you.

Our sw has just phoned. They have decided the match can't go ahead due to the bus situation, she had forgotten I couldn't drive. Glad its all over really. Just seems a lot of stress for nothing.


----------



## thespouses

Thanks all, snapdragon, sorry this isn't the right match for you, but you WILL find the right child(ren) for you!


----------



## skyblu

Snapdragon, so sorry hun   your lo is out there waiting somewhere.

Poochie, hope introductions are still going well.

The spouses, congratulations.

Arrows, good luck for the 28th  

Bambinlove, congratulation on getting approved.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi all,

I haven't posted for a while, but have been reading!

Thespouses - congratulations x

Snapdragon - sorry your having a touch time with matching, hang in there you'll find the right child for you soon x

Bambinolove - congratulations x When did you start the process?

Poochie - glad the intros are going well  . How old is your LO?

AnneS - I hope MP comes quickly, you'll have your LO in your arms in no time x

Can'twait - not long until panel...it's so hard not to ask about some of the children on BMP, I am interested in 2 and my SW agreed that we could enquire (it could be too soon) even if it's just to be told they have already found a mummy and daddy I'd rather know that looking back and thinking what if. Good luck hun x

Everyone else - good luck with whereever you are in the process, if you already have your LOs home I hope you are enjoying family life x

AFU - HS complete, SW is giving us our PAR on 5th September, and we're handing it back on 23rd September as she's on leave for a couple of weeks. Panel is booked for 23rd October, hopefully we'll be approved for 1 child 0-2 or 2 children 0-4. 

We've still not had the final clearance on medical though...no problems highlighted, just a delay becuase of our GP and the medical advisor been on holiday - I hope it's ok, it was biggest worry. 

Everything else is ok, I think, I hope. 

I've jumped ahead and let myself get carried away a little...but I have purchased a few toys, 2 car seats (suitable for a wide age range) and a pushchair (pushchair is just a spare and was purchased from a friend cheaply)...it's perfect for my mum and dads house!

As soon as we have read our PAR and got final clearance from the medical advisor we are going to decorate the bedroom and the playroom. I cannot wait, I just hope that it all goes to plan as everyone knows everything (also said I wouldnt tell people pnale date etc)...I don't know what I'll do if it doesnt 

Everything seems to have moved so quickly, we only started homestudy in mid June...is this abnormally quick or normal these days?

xx


----------



## bambinolove

Cantwaittobeamummy - initial phone call 2 years ago, hs started last october. Its been a slow process for us. We told everyone too, they would have known if it had of gone wrong as I would have been a wreck so thought I may as well tell them. What did of course happen though is we had the loveliest support before and some lovely congrats messages after. They have shared in our happiness.


----------



## Poochie1111

Cwtbam & Arrows - LO is 10 months old.  Intros is over 10 days.  It's shorter than normal (normally at least 14 days) but the SWs wanted her home with us before the bank holiday weekend, otherwise it would have added on another 4 days.  We're also lucky that she is really easy going and lives in the same city so I think they thought it would be okay to reduce it.


Arrows, that sounds very positive about your link.  I'm sure they wouldn't have said so much to get your hopes up and then go and  change their minds.  Roll on 28th.    



Bambinolove - many congratulations!!  Bet you celebrated well yesterday!!!!


Snapdragon - I guess just a good thing your SW took the decision out of your hands.  It's so hard to say no and you were clearly really worried about location and just didn't 'feel' right. Hope you get to hear some good news soon.


AFM - intros going really well. We're tired, but happy. We took her out in the pram for a walk today and she was really happy and at ease.


----------



## AnneS

Hi all,

just a quick one, so apologies for not doing complete personals!

Snapdragon - you really are having a hard time. I am sure the right LO is out there for you, but maybe it is difficult to believe that right now. Hope you are doing something nice this weekend.

Poochie - so nicd to read about your intros and so happy for you that is is going well!!!!

thespous - congratulations!! I hope the UK paper work are following soon.

cwtbam - that seems mercifully fast to me: we did the initial phone call a year and a half ago and have not gone to matching panel quite yet. 
Can I ask what car seats you bought please? Would be grateful for advice.

We have an appointment with the medical adviser next week and hope to hear more from our sw with regard to preparing for the matching panel.

A question to you all: what have you been told about names of children? Our LO has a name that stands out and also we all agree is not great in later life. Could be easily amended by jiggling two letters about. SW agrees that it makes LO identifiable if left unchanged.

Enjoy your Saturday evening - I am sipping a medicinal glass of vino ...

Anne


----------



## laura0308

Hi All,

Just marking my place really as tornado is still up and running - DH running behind    .

Anne - Our LO was identifiable by the spelling of his name so we have changed that to the normal form and dropped all his middle names (but added one of our choice). A friend did as you said and dropped the first letter of their LO's name to make it less identifiable with their SW's agreement, think you would need to talk it through with child's SW.

Love to all,
xxx


----------



## Arrows

Anne, ASDA do a car seat for about £35 that is suitable from birth to age 6yrs -it's lightweight and easy to fit and take out too. http://direct.asda.com/Nania-Teamtex-Trio-Car-Seat---Group-0%2C1%2C2/002679203,default,pd.html?cgid=6071

Names discussion
One name we came across looking at profiles could be pronounced in two ways and my DH and I didn't agree on which way we would have said it. this is no longer an issue but curious as to what you ladies would have done in that situation: Would you have left as was and fought out as to which way to say it, changed a letter or two so there was no ambiguity and just said it one way or left it as a middle name and given them an alternative first name?
I agree with Laura btw, and think it's something you'd need to discuss with the SWs but if it makes the child highly identifiable then it's probably in their best interests to change it very slightly.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all,

I hope you are all enjoying your weekends and that the weather is being kind to you - rain here

liveinhope - Thinking of you. I really hope that SW/SS get their act together and that common sense prevails. Sending you lots of 'hugs'.

Can'twait - Wishing you all the best. I'm sure all of the paperwork will be sorted.

Ang - So lovely to hear from you and to hear how everything is going. I love hearing all about happy endings...there is light at the end of this tunnel

Bluebabe - 'hugs'

Poochie - So lovely to hear about you meeting your daughter for the first time and glad intros are going well. Not long now until she is at home with you.

the spouses - congratulations. Wishing you all the best.

Arrows - Sending you lots of luck for the 28th.

bambinoinlove - congratulations.

Snapdragon - I echo skyblu's words. Wishing you all the best. Your LO is out there x

CWTBAM - Lovely to hear that things are progressing well for you. We seem to be on a similar timeframe. We started HS mid July and panel booked for end of Oct - Good luck x

AnneS - Good luck for MP and your meetings x

Apologies if I have missed anyone. There is a lot happening on here. Not much news from us. Had a week off from HS as we were going to go away but ended up decorating instead! SW has met first of our refs and booked in with other two. Our refs thought she was lovely and very positive which is always reassuring to hear. We have two more HS sessions and then its panel end of Oct. Things seem to be going well but scared to tempt fate!!! I found myself looking in a mamas and papas shop this week and getting excited but need to reign myself in as scared of disappointment. DH is much more positive now which is nice as I have felt like I have had to keep a lot of my excitement to myself. One big step we are taking is changing my car for something more practical. I love my car and am nervous that we are jumping ahead of ourselves but it is such a good deal.

Anyway enough rambling from me. Take care x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi,

Greeniebop - Let's hope October is a good month for us both  Yay to the mamas and papas shop, it's exciting...I ventured in again today  My husband has finally let himself get excited and it makes me worse. You're in it together. and if you're story is anything like ours then you're closer to children now than you've even been. Good luck hun x x

Arrows and AnneS - Names, names, names...it's a tricky one! Many of the profiles I have been looking at would (in my opinion) have implications for the child/ren later in life and I often think about the options, unfortunately I can't offer any advice...but I will be watching for replies so I know for the hopefully not too distant future! Good luck x

Poochie - Aaaaw what a lovely age, you'll get to see so many of her first special moments...walking/talking etc. You've got so many special times ahead, I wish you all the best, and I hope you enjoy family life. Congratulations on being matched with you're little one x

Bambino - You're almost there! I was them same, people will know if it goes wrong...so I might as well tell them. I figured that if I was pregnant everyone would know and things could go wrong...so figured that people should know about adoption as I'm just as excited and happy as I would be if I was pregnant! I hope you get a quick match hun x x

With regards to car seats, we have gone for Britax:
http://www.kiddicare.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/productdisplayA_475+51+5001_10751_-1_14601_147483_10001_14601
Good reviews and Britax is a safe, well known brand - so many to choose from though!

Good luck everyone x x x


----------



## AoC

I can't stand myself today.  Our PAR is due with us again some time this week, and I'm wearing out the Send and Receive button and can't concentrate again.  How DH puts up with me, I don't know.  Ugh.  When will I learn?!?!


----------



## AoC

I take it back.       

SW just called to set up our next meeting to sign PAR etc.  She said she's had 15+ enquiries from family finders etc. based on the early notice of us becoming available as potential adopters.

Maybe this is actually going to work out...


----------



## E3021

Hi all,

*AOC* - it will work out - you are so close now, enjoy the rest of your day! 

Congratulations to *Bambinolove* on approval and to *Poochie* on lovely introductions!

*Arrows* - got everything crossed for you, if it's meant to be all obstacles will be overcome. That's how it went with ours - we had LOADs of lovely people praying for us and it all worked out. 

As for names - we completely changed our eldest's name on the advice of Social Care because she had a really unusual (and not brilliant) name. We were told to choose one that rhymed or was phonetically similar to help her get used to it. The foster carers introduced the name before introductions and by the time she came home she knew her name! We haven't looked back, it was really easy - she was 18months and I thought it would be a lot harder.

We went to the seaside for the first time this weekend and due to sickness, sand and general babystuff our youngest got through seven outfits!!!   It was not an easy day but it was a great day nonetheless to be taking our children to the seaside - finally!!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Fantastic news AOC. All the best x


----------



## jen747

Hello ladies,

I don't post on this thread as we're not quite at the adoption stage yet - DH and I both feel that adoption is the right path for us and have been to an information session and have started having my nephews and nieces (my sister has 4 children!) over to stay (two at a time rather than all 4 at once!) as we know it will help when with demonstrating childcare experience. However, we've got 2 frozen embryos that we need to use up first. I don't feel at all positive about doing another fet and just want it over with so we can move on to adoption.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I read this thread more than any other on ff and love hearing all your stories. I have shed a few tears reading about all your introductions and stories of bring lo's home. I just wanted to thank you all for sharing - the good and the bad - stories of your journeys as it really helps to be prepared for what's to come and to feel inspired that it really can all work out.

E3021 - loved hearing about your trip to the sea. Can't wait to be able to do that with lo's one day. 

 Now I don't feel like such a stalker anymore!

Jen
-x-


----------



## AoC

Thanks E3 and Greenie.  

Jen, that's a lovely post, thank you!  I'm often aware that there are people reading who don't post, and I hope they all get something positive from it, as you have.  Best of luck for your FET and potential adoption journey.  (((((hugs)))))

And to all you lurkers out there, love, and luck and good wishes.  Say hi to us sometime, k?


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Jen - Thats a lovely post, best of luck with your last fet, what ever the result at least you'll have a end to the rocky road of TTC and will have a clearer view of the road ahead for you both   

AoC you posts today have made me laugh   Love you impatience then delight 19mins later. And WOW   what an amazing response from family finders, very positive for you.

Just want to say thanks to everyone who encouraged me to contact our SW asking how PAR was coming along ready for panel in 2 weeks (Eeeeeeek) He's posted out our referee write ups to our references today for them to sign and return, Ive then promptly spoke to them all emphasising the urgency to get it done and returned in the next couple of days, Tee Hee. Apparently everything else is under control and on schedule so thats reassuring. Just don't want any last min nasty surprises   I'm a control freak by nature and hate relying on others, but overall I'm managing to stay calm (well. . . . . . calm-ish) so far  

Hello to everyone else, sorry for lack of personals. Loving all the Intro updates, brings real joy to us all


----------



## bluebabe

Jen I had to use all my frozen embryos even tho I knew it was against consultants wishes I just ad to, they were my babies and I couldn't leave them.  Xx


Sorry I'm not up to personals, all going well here, lo's in a routine now still have running battles with older one bt he knows who the boss is lol xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

Can anyone recommend a straightforward family tree maker? I've spent ages on one on my heritage and I can't get the damn thing to print in any sort of legible/readable format 

Also, we have got to write our life stories and I really am struggling on where to get started with this. Do you mind me asking how long yours were and the sort of things included.

Thank you

Greenie xxx


----------



## Arrows

Greeniebop, genesreunited prints in a good, easy to read format.


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

GreenieBop - if you google 'family tree for children' and click on images. There are loads of simple ones. As far as the life story whatever you want to write is enough...DH wrote about 2 pages, I wrote about 9... I started with where I was born and to who and continued. Just write what you feel and it will be fine - honest.   


Rather late now better get some shut eye! Great to read all your posts.... 
Noodles XX


----------



## AnneS

Hi all,

thank you so much for all your replies regarding possible change of names.
Thing is, LO is 24 months +, so he knows his name. It is distinctive and double barrelled. We would make the second part his middle name, not a problem. I would like to change one letter in his first name, which will make it sound similar, but it is then a different name. Think for example Mick into Rick (not a good example, but shows what I mean). 
SW now says do not change at all as it is his name and continuity/identity is important (in later life). She also said ask foster parents what they call him and also keep in mind that you will/might use nick names. I am confused now. Certainly if we start calling him by a nickname that sounds nothing like his name (too short to shorten further into a nickname!), he will be really confused?
I am not sure whether SW gave us her opinion or the party line. I noted that the book I just read also advises not to change name, but not to worry if you have. 
Confused ... I can see that not all of you were so sure about this either. It is a difficult one. I can live with his name, don't hate it, but don't like it much.  I read with interest the comment about how close birth families life, but we would be same town, but several areas away. So maybe I should worry less about identification. 
I guess I would have loved to give him a name and keep his current names as middle names, but it seems I have to let go of that option.
I am not trying to find a way round his name, but I would love to speak to somebody professional to hear how important what version of continuity is - do you have to use the birth name as a call name?
I guess there rally is no straight answer. I waffle ... thanks for reading .

Anne


----------



## AnneS

Hi again,

a big THANK YOU to Arrows and CWTBAM for car seat suggestions and links.
Wow, Arrows a car seat under £50 - thanks!
I am amazed at what money you can spend on all this kiddy stuff. but car seat is not the one you can buy used !
I am going to check 'Which' as well, but then just need to get on with a decision ...
Easier than names   , but worrying because fo the safety implications and I hate how it makes me gravitate towards expensive seats just because I think they are safer. I wonder ...   (I am a born cynic!!)

Anne


----------



## AoC

The key thing with car seats is consumer tests (like Which) and making damn sure they're fitted and used properly.  The fitting and using is way, WAY more important than cost/brand.  I've seen so many children in car seats with the straps fitted so poorly they'd sling-shot right out of the damn seat in any impact.  Gah.

Sorry, it's one of my hot button issues.  I'm sure you'll fit and use whichever seat you buy really well.    

As for names - that's always a really hard call.  I don't think your SW is over playing it at all.  We had two whole sessions at our prep course on identity.  We sat in a circle together, then, without revealing them, we had to write on cards our name, and half a dozen things that really make us ourselves.  Special moments, memories, places, people, things.  For example, I had composting (long and wierd story!), memories of my Dad, a special mountain/river I love, my DH, my cats, my home.

One by one, they asked us to give up the cards, and asked us to reflect on how we would feel about ourselves if those things were utterly erased from our lives.  They left us with our name cards, and then asked us if we could give those up and still feel okay.  Not one of us could do it.

Their point was that for some of these children, they've lost family, home, possessions and places not once, but repeatedly.  Their name can be the only thing that's preciously theirs, and for some the only thing their birth parents ever gave them in love.

The SWers left us with two provisos:  if it's a welfare/security issue, it can be possible to change a child's name.  For example if the name was abusive or offensive, or if there was a high risk of BF trying to find them.  And two, if you can't stand a prospective match's name, then it's okay to think about if that's the right match for you.  I realise this isn't possible in your case, Anne, but just for other folks to read.

The name thing really affected me.  I went into prep not minding about a child's name and that we couldn't choose one, while DH was really bothered about this.  I left quite anxious about names, because I'd seen one in in CWW which I thought labelled the child in a really derrogatory way (it was the name of a weapon) and DH left feeling like he understood things much better, and more at peace about it.

I don't think names are ever going to be an easy issue.  Lots of ((((((hugs)))))) for getting your head round it, and coming up with a solution that's best for you all.

Sorry I can't help with the life story, family tree stuff, Greenie.  Our SW did these in interview, then drew them up herself.  Apparently feedback from previous adopters had told the VA that the homework was too heavy, and they've tried to lighten to the load.  God bless them!  Hope you get sorted.  We did have to do a timeline, which was 6 pages long for me and 2 for DH!  (typical!)  I highlighted key family moments, like Mum's depression and land mark holidays/pets, then things like schools, key friends that are important, events that influenced who I am, uni, jobs, relationships, IF, counselling... I tried to highlight things I'd learned or how the events impacted on me.  I quite enjoyed doing it.

But then I like talking about myself.....  *looks at very long post*  Uh-huh.

*eyeroll*

Love and luck to all.    *waving to lurkers*


----------



## AoC

Can't Wait - it was a complete mood u-turn!  LOL!


----------



## nutmeg

HI all, hope you've had great weekends   

No personals as I'm about to take all my old ladies out for lunch, but great to read all the updates and AOC - great news    I'm impatiently waiting for our PAR too just keeping our fingers crossed it will be Friday as promised.
Cat is on the mend, thanks to those who sent best wishes - she has an over active thyroid and is on meds now and is putting a little weight back on. DH and I have a funeral on Thursday of a close friend who died so we're hoping the week can end more positively than it has bgun.
Take care
x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

'hugs' nutmeg


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All,

Thank you all for your Congratulations, as many of you have been there before you will understand the relief DH and I are feeling! Just hoping for a match before crimbo! We will see! We had a lovely celebration BBQ with the two families but other than that, nothing else to report really. We are just trying to clear the kids bedroom (love saying that!) can't arrange furniture as it totally depends on the ages we get, we might need one bed, one cot, two cots (unlikely!) two beds... good job I am like a whippet with a flat pack! So just going to satisfy myself with getting it painted. Already has new carpet so just needs furniture and a bit of love in the form of accessories.

Nutmeg - Glad to hear cat is on the mend, as for the other news   . Hope PAR arrives before the end of the week to brighten the week up.
AoC - I wish I'd had your SW, the PAR was 85% my own or DH's words... no idea why it took so long, they should have just given us the questions at the beginning and asked us for the other bits, would have been done by November last year!    However, thats good news re your PAR!
AnneS - Such a tough thing names, I think DH and I would like to add a middle name, just so they have something from us other than their surname, but as for changing their first name I think if it is really bad I would try and shorten it or amend it someway to something we could cope with. For example if I didn't like Christine, change it to Chrissie or something (have nothing against Christine, just a family example LOL!). What about using the initials? 
Greeniebop - I just used MS Word with arrows and text boxes, depends on how MS Office literate you are? Not too difficult but can be a bit fiddly.
Can'twait - I too am a control freak, I don't blame you for chasing the referees, sometimes it just has to be done for your own sanity! 
Jen - We felt the same about our second IVF, it certainly helped us get over the failure of it knowing that we were happily moving on to adoption and feeling that it was the right course for us. Hopefully the FET will work for you but if not you know where we are!


----------



## snapdragon

Greeniebop: I included starting school, a little about how I found it-how well I did or not, how I enjoyed it, bullying etc, deaths of grandparents, aunts and uncles etc, meeting my husband and getting married etc, birth of siblings. We were asked to write in sections about our childhood, teenage years etc, relationships with siblings etc so it was quite easy. A lot of what we wrote is quoted in our PAR. The more you write the better really.

I have to say my sw does seem to be trying quite hard to get us a match. She had a family finding meeting with her manager today and they have identified 2 possibles. Sounds like she doesn't know anything about them as she said she needs to check their CPR's for medical issues, location of birth parents etc.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thank you ladies and thanks for the detail snapdragon. I think I have almost finished and its 5 pages...is that too much? who knows. Like you said more detail the better. I really hope you get a match soon, it sounds like your SW is working for you. Fingers crossed for you x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Anne - Please let us know the top few car seats as recommended by 'which' Ive been on the webiste but have limited view of the top 25 recommended safe seats as I am not a member. Just a few names atleast would be interesting and give us a starting point. Thank you xx


----------



## Em0504

Hey girls, Im still lurking and reading your posts. Its so interesting 2 hear about your experiences and how your all getting on. Congratulations 2 u girls that have your lo's home, must b so exciting! And congratulations 2 those who have been approved and r waiting 2 b matched! Sorry about my lack of personal!
Well dp and i attended r info evening last night and we're still trying 2 process all the info. It was very interesting but quite daunting. We spoke 2 one of the sw's afterwards and he confirmed that if we decided 2 go ahead that we wouldn't b able 2 send r application off til end of Nov. We feel that's just as well as it gives us another 3 months 2 really think about everything and continue r research. Is it quite normal 2 feel daunted after the info evening, i kinda feel that i should know in my heart wot i want 2 do? DP feels the hand as i do. The sw said we should take time out from thinking about babies and children and just enjoy being us, book a holiday (we go away in 2 weeks yay) and do all the things we couldn't with children. 
Thanks 4 listening girls.
x x


----------



## bluebabe

Having a bit of down day today, dh gone back to work and both lo's playing up terribly not good today suppose I will get used to it xx


----------



## nutmeg

Thanks ladies, just distracting myself at work now before Dh and I had off to the funeral   

Ah bluebabe, have some hugs (()) It's completely natural - some days will be amazing, some days you'll be tearing your hair out but you'll be amazing.

Snapdragon - pleased your sw has got on with the task in hand and fingers crossed for a speedy and successful match.
Bambinolove - enjoy your decorating etc and wouldnt it be lovely to have a match before Christmas? It would so make it for you    It's what we were hoping for when we thought we would have an August panel, but with it likely being October now, it seems unlikely.
Em0504 - I think it's natura to feel the way you do. I was excited about everything from the off but with DH it was definately a slow burner and it wasn't until after prep sessions that he really got excited about the idea. As you say, spend the next few months enjoying yourselves, doing more research and I'm sure the feelings you're looking for will develop.

I was really hoping SWr would have called by now to say he's dropping off our PAR tomorrow but nothing yet    It's already 2 weeks later than he said and he said we would have it Thurs or Fri this week - grrrrrrrrr!


----------



## snapdragon

Em0504: after the info session I wasn't sure at all, neither of us were. I have felt more and more positive as I have gone through the process. People do drop out after the prep group, we started with 9 couples and 7 have gone on to be approved. You don't need to be 100% at this stage.  The prep group will probably help you decide if its right for you. Good luck.


----------



## bambinolove

Em0504 - Just wanted to say, they do appear to all focus on the negative aspects of adoption towards the beginning, to scare off the easily scared I think! Personally, I am not sure that the policy is greatly benefitting anyone, but don't be worried that you are feeling daunted. I would say that is perfectly normal. I think the advice of the SW is spot on. 

Bluebabe -    don't beat yourself up, your whole life has turned upside down

Snapdragon -    Fingers crossed for the CPRs all looking good, as you say, it sounds like they are trying hard.

Nutmeg -    bet you want to start    your SW upside of the head!!!

Laters Peeps!


----------



## Em0504

Thank u so much girls x x hope u didn't mind me posting. I met one of my close friends at lunchtime and feel good 4 chatting it over x x


----------



## snapdragon

Have had a little more info from our sw about the 2 possibles, both are at the top end of our age range which is 5 and must admit feel a bit disappointed as last possible was only 3. She has no CPR's for either at present. One lo has a placement order and  has speech problems and she has no info at all really on the other who has a court date bid Sept. I must admit I'm a bit worried about taking on a lo who has potentially been with birth parents for a long time and the impact this would have had on them. 

Its really stupid but keep thinking about the first lo we didn't get as our sw didn't like the fact we didn't feel an immediate connection, wish I could go back in time.


----------



## Mrs ABA

Em - I hated the first info evening, it put me off for about 6 months.  But then I started talking to adoptive parents and got hooked.  I loved the prep course and (am I weird?) I am loving the home visit as our SW is really lovely and no-one else will allow me to witter on about my life history for 2 hours at a time!  Good luck!  I am so excited about it all that I'm finding it hard to concentrate at work....  I need to do my life story thing this weekend.


Snapdragon - that is really hard.  The only thing I can say is that I know a lady who adopted 5 year old twins.  She was apprehensive at first but it worked out really well.  I am sure you will make the right decision  


 to you all


A
x


----------



## AoC

Mrs ABA, I loved the prep course and home study, too.  We can be weird together!  

Our PAR arrived.    It's rather lovely.  So proud of us both!

*waving to all*


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi ladies
Sorry not being posting - busy with work and waiting driving me insane ATM! 

Snapdragon - really feel for you. Sounds like u know what u feel is the right match - can you have a frank conversation with SW. We changed our criteria slightly after panel (no sibs avail so had to spell out that we are only doing this once so singly has to be on our youngest curve). We had told her this throu HS but think she thght HS has been a breeze so you would do it again. She's now seen how tenacious we can be.
Downside is we're waiting and waiting but I do feel we will have the right match.

X x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Em0504 - DH and I came away from our info session really confused as to whether or not this was the journey for us. SW session confirmed for us it was but prep course raised lots of doubts. Once we got into our HS we knew absolutely that this is the pathway for us and we have really enjoyed our HS. Good luck hun x

Snapdragon - It sounds like things are tricky at the moment. I really do believe in going with my gut. Hopefully after reading more on these children and speaking to your SW things will seem much clearer. Echo Gertie, can you have a conversation with your SW and explain how you are feeling and that the first profile questions were justified etc? Sending lots of hugs your way x

Hope the rest of you are well and congrats on getting your PAR AoC, its all go now I have done our family tree and my life story, DH is going to his this weekend. We had our session on deciding on the types of children we would consider and it was really hard - at times I felt quite mean and cold-hearted on ruling things out but SW was probably much better on saying it how it is and 'no that wouldn't fit in with your active lifestyle, and you are a young (not sure about that) couple so why would you take this on' etc. It really does feel like we are finally getting somewhere, I just hope that the panel date stays but you know how these things are. This forum has been a life-saver at times. You lovely ladies are so supportive and its so nice to be able to ask 9sometimes silly) questions and not feel daft doing it. As supportive as our friends and family are you need people who have or are going through it, so thank you xxx


----------



## Em0504

Thank u so much Mrs aba and greeniebop, lovely posts and you've both made me smile. Im so glad your enjoying hs, great 2 hear! I can imagine that if u really click with your sw then it must b lovely. I really liked the sw that we chatted 2 on Wed.
Have a good weekend girls, we're on r way 2 my parents...they live in devon...something else i worry about with family support network.
x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

We're in Devon. Weather not so great today but fingers crossed it improves for your visit. With regards to parents not being close by I'm sure you have others who are part of your support network x


----------



## snapdragon

Em0504: Also visiting my parents this weekend, they live 4 hours drive away and this wasn't a problem with our adoption approval.


----------



## bluebabe

Hi girls much better day today but older lo had a screaming tantrum saying he wants to go home. Really felt for him but think it was tiredness and we were out so was he talking about our home or fc home? Hard to tell xx hope everyone is ok, love that Hs is going so well for u all xx


----------



## Em0504

Thank u greeniebop and snapdragon! x x Traffic is awful, think everybody is heading off 4 weekend, so hope weather improves. Have lovely time with parents snapdragon.
Bluebabe, glad you've had a better day. I think lo meant your/his home!
x x


----------



## AnneS

Evening all,

I just sat down and forgot to get me a LARGE glass of vino ... This might of course mean I won't rant quite as much as in my previous post!

AoC - you are SO right, how to fit a seat is important. I am slightly obsessed with all things technical, so yeah, the seat will be fitted exactly so ...
          Secondly: thanks for detailed story about your group exercise. Funnily enough I talked to DH after my last post and we sort of came to the same conclusion and my solution is: we leave the name as it is X-Y and we add another name Z. This will be a neutral, normal name. Pronuncable in DH and my language. Additionally it is customary in my family to have two middle names. We will use his first name X as his call name. Problem solved. I am happy that I 'claimed' him a bit and also that we will give him the opportunity to use a different name should he choose so in later life. (My parents did this for my sister). At the same time we are not taking away his birth name and will continue to use it. No nick name, I think that would be confusing.
So happy for you that your PAR arrived! 

nutmeg - hope funeral yesterday went OK. We lost a good friend years ago, it was the hardest thing. Did your SW deliver today?? Phone him!!!!

bambino - Congrats for being approved and may your match come very, very soon. And yes, what you suggest is basically what we will do. It is nice to contribute a name. 

greeniebop - I did the same as bambino - MS word and boxes with arrows, but it ended up pretty much unprintable, so forwarded it electronically and left that problem to the SW ...   

snapdragon - hang on in there (((hugs))), so sorry to hear that your decisions are so difficult, but I can understand your worries totally!!

Can't wait - I have access to Which, so will do some research this weekend and let you know. No probs

Em - hello lurker. yes, I would say it is normal to feel daunted. Actually in hindsight I can see, that I felt more foten daunted in teh beginning of the process and then gradually less, so I hope it will be the same for you. And taking time out is a good thing. But if you are worried about how long all this takes, keep in mind that the process takes long and therefore gives you time for reflection. Why not "official" agree with DH time off until the November date ? I.e. do not talk about having babies/children/adopting? We found an agreed time out quite soothing. Nutmeg is right - feelings develop!!

bluebabe - awh, hun, that sounds like hard work. Hope you get them into a routine quickly!!!

Gertie - hi there, don't let the waiting get to you too much! Sorry, easy for me to say, now matched, but we seem to have just hit another " hurry up  and wait" spot, so understand you only too well ...

As for us: it looks like the original placement date might be a wee bit optimistic, but so far the SW of LO only predicts a 2 week delay ... I have to say I would not mind 2 extra weeks, I am struggeling to finish my work projects. I am free-lancing and really need to hand over things. GULP!

Have a lovely weekend everyone.

Anne


----------



## AoC

You're all lovely people, you know that?  Your LOs are going to be so lucky in their Forever Families....


----------



## nutmeg

Awww so are you AOC and a big yay for having your report though.

Anne - as you say the two weeks will give you that time to get on top of things and yikes, it's all going so quickly for you, so exciting.

Bluebabe - you're doing a great job   

The funeral went okay thankyou. The worse thing was his 2 young boys (6 and  seeing them was just heartbreaking for everyone. His brother (who had to organise everything) has had a really tough couple of weeks as his baby was bron early after an EMCS and was only 3lb15 and his wife couldn't be at the funeral with him    So i've been making pies today so at least they can eat!
AND, our cat isn't getting better as I thought, in fact she'd lost even more weight when she was reweighed - waiting for a phonecall from vets this week.

Our PAR didn't turn up on Friday but at least SWr called and he's going to drop it off to us on Weds.

Hope you're all having a wonderful bank holiday weekend.


----------



## trying4ababy

Hi all.
I am Nic, I hope you do not mind, but I would like to join you all?  I have used FF forums before when I was going through IVF at South East Fertility Clinic and I found everyone to be such great support.  Sadly all of my treatments failed (3 IVFs, 3 FETs and one FET that never survived the thaw).  DH and I are desperate for a family and so are thinking that adoption is going to be our next step.

I am a little unsure of the process and feel very overwhelmed when trying to research it all.  I have many questions, but the first few are: how do you choose your adoption agency? Does adoption cost money? How long does the process take on average? I realise it is a long time and different for everyone, just looking for a rough guide.

I look forward to following all your journeys and learning in the process.
Thanks
Nic


----------



## AoC

Welcome, Nic.  I'm so sorry about your failed treatments, have a (((((hug))))).

Yes, it is very overwhelming when you're trying to get your head round adoption at the start. But you don't have to know everything at once, and it's not the rush that treatment can feel like. First thing to say is that most agencies, whether local authorities or voluntary agencies, will want you to take a break after your last fertility treatment to try and come to terms with not having a biological child and just to, well, take a breather. Most places will ask you to wait 6 months or a year before contacting them.

The BAAF site is a good place to start reading, and their agency search will help you find an agency to go with. http://www.baaf.org.uk/agencies You can ask for information from and to attend an information evening from a few before you make up your mind. There are pros and cons between voluntary and local authority - have a go with the search function on the pages here because the debate comes up regularly.

As for the money question, that's a bit of a yes and no! There's no big fee for a placement or anything, but there are expenses along the way like medicals (some LAs pay these for you), and any adjustments to your home, and of course children are expensive! Adoption agencies will want to see that you can afford to look after a child.

I'm not sure how to answer the how long question - what do other people think? We first went to an info evening two years ago, but we had lots of (self inflicted!) pauses while I finished some counselling, we got our finances into better order, and then while we switched from LA to VA. Once we switched, my sense is that things moved really fast - plenty fast enough for me! I guess for most people from info evening to matching takes about two years, but it can go a lot faster, and a lot slower.

Does that help for starters?

Best of luck.


----------



## AoC

Blimey, it's famine or feast with me, isn't it? I either post one line, or several chapters....  *g*


----------



## bluebabe

Welcome nic xx it took us just over a year from initial contact to bringing our lo's home xx


Greeniebp I love your feasty posts and your famine ones too xx


Nutmeg what a kind thoughtful friend you are xx


Hi everyone sorry for severe lack of personals xx too busy being a mummy haha she says as she puts her feet up xx


All going ok here, still surviving haha xx. The reality is so different to what I thought its hard with two but you get double the love back xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hello ladies!

For those who have started looking/buying stuff for LOs....kiddicare.com have some great offers and a 20% code (not sure how long it's valid for) - to get the 20% enter treat20 in the promotional code box 

I just saved £500 on a Stokke pushchair and a nursery furniture set


----------



## AoC

That's a great tip, CWTBAM!  

bluebabe, when you do have a mo, can you share how reality differs from what you imagined?  I'd be really interested.  Thank you!  

*waving to all*


----------



## trying4ababy

Hi all. 
Thanks for answering my questions AoC and the welcome bluebabe. 
I know agencies like you to wait 6 months or so, which right now seems forever, but I get why. What I was wondering is how do you come to terms with never having a biological child? The $100,000 question right?!? Do the agencies expect you to go to see a counsellor? Is it ok to see a counsellor as I have read that mental illness, depression etc does not look good when applying for adoption, but surely getting some help is ok?
Thanks and hi to all. 
Nic x


----------



## Mrs ABA

Trying4ababy - firstly  it is tough and a hard journey, but the fact that you are thinking ahead in a positive way shows resilience so  to you.


Secondly - there is nothing wrong with going to a counsellor.  That is a normal and healthy reaction to dealing with a difficult situation.  If you hurt your knee you go to the doctor.  If you are feeling down because of the enormous loss that failed treatment brings, that shows that you are dealing with it in a mature and positive way.  Adoption agencies want to see a person who will seek help where needed.  That is completely different to having a mental health issue which might cause them concern.  


I went to a counsellor when my treatment failed because I felt it might help, and the counsellor said that she would be happy to evidence that if necessary, if the agency wants to know. I am half way through the home visit and they haven't yet.


Treatment was the worst experience of my life and I really felt that if it didn't work, I would flip out.  But I didn't - in a way it was a relief, and adoption feels so right and so positive.  (See signature for all the tx!) The first time the s/w came I danced round the flat (when she had gone  ) I was so happy.  During treatment I was so down, would avoid babies and pg friends, but now I spend as much time as I can around babies and my friends who are mothers and cannot wait to find our LO.  Sometimes I think the hardest thing in the next few months will be concentrating on work and not getting too too excited.  This isn't to say adoption isn't hard - of course it is.  But I know it can be wonderful too.


Good luck hun with your decision making and remember we're here for you.


A
x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Just a quick one 

Hello and Welcome to Trying4ababy - I think the others have pretty much covered your questions. Id like to add my recommendations to go see a counsellor (some fertility clinics have their own), me and DH did a couple sessions and found it really beneficial in accepting that the journey we were meant to take was adoption. I have to say I hated every moment of Tx just as Mrs ABA did, and got just as excited when starting our adoption journey. It was such a weight off to make the decision to stop Tx and persue adoption, and we have both found it a much more positive experience. Good luck with your journey  

AoC - Love the feast of famine post   Also the nice one you posted the other day, really made me smile  

Bluebabe - Glad things are going well with you Little Monkeys

CWTBM - Thanks for the top tip  

AFU - 9 days till Panel Eeeeeeek   Should be getting our PAR emailed to us either tonight or tomorrow after our SW's boss has read it, cant wait to see it.


----------



## AoC

Good luck Can't Wait!  Exciting!

Nic, what Mrs Aba said.    It takes time, and I won't say I never feel sad about not carrying, birthing, breast feeding etc, but you do get there.  I had counselling, too, mostly because emotionally I was rushing ahead before I was ready to let go, and I needed to do some grieving.  Not having to contemplate tx again, though, was an enormous relief and release.  Nowadays I can say, "I'm never going to have a child of my body.  It's not fair, it sucks, somedays it hurts, but that's okay.  I am, however, going to have children, and I am going to be a fabulous if far-from-perfect mummy.  It's going to be okay."

*waving*


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All!

Talk about divine intervention, I was just about to ask a question on counselling! It was suggested by my HR today that I should go to counselling because I was a bit weepy on Friday. Now I know I have cried at the drop of a hat since I was a child, and my colleagues know that when I get angry I cry. Its like my own version of a tantrum, but Friday I was blue. My DH had been away for 5 days and I was missing him, then my beautiful cousin had her baby and named him after my grandad. Now I am a sentimental soul and that got me as I adored my grandad! If I am honest whenever someone close to me has a baby that day is always tinged with sadness. I feel that is normal, i am infertile, surely I have the right to be a bit blue? But I happened to have a meeting with HR that day about the adoption and we were discussing all kinds of stuff, when I have started blubbing I find it hard to stop, I tried to explain this to the woman but today she has suggested I see someone. Tbh, I'm a bit affronted by it. My best mates told me on sat that they were expecting and there was no blueness then, DH was back and the world was right again. So my question is, if you have had counselling, do you still get these feelings? Because I have always found my mini tantrums to work, the next day I am back to my glass half full self.

All advice gratefully recieved!

Sorry no personals, typing this on my phone on the train!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi ladies,

Bambino I am just like you. I think I must do DH'd head in as I cry when sad, angry or more commonly when I am so frustrated. I too have a little tear or 'woe is me moment' when people announce pregnancies but I am so pleased for them. I think that after everything we have all been through its only natural to grieve for what might have been. I am a firm believer in not bottling things up. I considered counselling but in the end decided it wasn't for me. I still have the odd blue day but the relief of being off the treatment rollercoaster is immense.

Welcome trying for a baby, We approached adoption very cautiously as had heard lots of stories about the length of time it can take. We had a 6 month break after treatment which our LA insisted on and it was the best thing we could have done. We went to an info eve in Dec and we are booked in for panel in Oct so 10 months. 

Our SW turned up this evening (24 hours early!!!!) and we have just finished our HS - woo hoo!!!! She is going to stay in touch and email us our PAR by Sept 19th ready for Oct panel. It all seems a bit surreal to be honest but so relieved that we have passed another milestone. She has said we won't have a child placed before Christmas so I think we are going to go skiing for Christmas as hopefully our last couples holiday (fingers crossed). What to do now? We feel so used to doing homework and having our weekly sessions that I am all of a dither 

Oh well, I'm off to go to my spinning class - hopefully I won't be sick this time (very embarrassing pushing myself like a maniac last week and then having to jump off bike and run for the loo's to throw up).

Take care xxx


----------



## Mrs ABA

Bambinolove - I don't think counselling can stop you getting those feelings - it just helps you get through them a bit and gives you a safe space to give vent to your feelings. I had some hypnotherapy a while back which is not for everyone, but helped me feel a bit zen - it gave me some distance. AoC is absolutely right and I echo everything she says.


As for crying - that is totally natural.  See a counsellor if you think it will help and you would like to, but don't be bullied in to it.  My father in law and his wife (now sadly died) endured 12 years of IF, followed by a successful adoption then a successful pregnancy (resulting in DH).  But when he talked to us about his experience of IF he cried his eyes out - 40 years after!


Saying you need counselling after you cried when discussing what will always be a difficult subject is a bit much if you ask me!  Counselling is a very personal decision.




Woo hoo Greenie!  v exciting!

A
x


----------



## Em0504

Bambino, Im having counselling at the mo, got 1 session left. I was apprehensive at first, but i feel it is helping me 2 get 10 years of the tx rollercoaster off my chest. I agree with Mrs aba, in that counselling won't stop those feelings, but it def helps u learn 2 deal with your emotions, makes u think in a different way. I would say that counselling is a very personal thing and if u think it will help speaking 2 somebody completely neutral, then def give it a try. Its completely natural 2 feel the way u have been and 2 have a good cry, nothing wrong with that.
Great news greenie how exciting. Wow 10 months, that's good 2 hear. Hope u felt ok during spin!
x


----------



## bluebabe

Aoc, in my little fantasy world pre adoption, I saw myself pushing a cute baby in a lovely pram, very content and motherly, in reality I am full of poo up to my elbows got a baby whose teething badly and a toddler who is obsessed with licking me! 


Bambino I chose not to go for counselling as I ws quite open and would talk about my feelings to anyone, however, my anxiety levels are now thru the roof and it would help to know how to deal with that xxx


----------



## Arrows

I'm gonna be a mummy!!!!
They picked us and we are now matched with a 9mth baby boy.
Aiming for Panel 19th Oct.


----------



## liveinhope

Fantastic News Arrows.  Your life will never be the same again!!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Bluebabe - Hahahaha   I love your summary of life now with you Lo's. Sorry to hear your feeling anxious, I would expect any new mam will feel anxious from time to time and you've took on two at the same time, different ages, different needs and upsets. Give yourself a break, Im sure your doing great and being a little harsh on yourself. Have you got a close friend who you can talk to in confidence, prehaps take a morning off and leave DH with the kids when he's off work and go have yourself a cuppa and an offload to someone who you know can listen well and who's advise you respect. I find that always makes me feel better when im in a slump  

Arrows -           Soooo happy for you, thats great news xx


----------



## Flash123

Arrows - wowwwwwwwwiiiiiiiieeeeeee!!!!!!!! Fanntasticcccccc!!!!! YOU ARE A MUMMY        

Hope you don't mind me jumping back in. Just logged on for some obligatory lurking but I had to say congrats

Flash xxxx


----------



## Em0504

Huge congrats arrows x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Arrows, that is amazing. So happy for you. Congratulations x


----------



## AoC

WOO HOO Arrows!!!


----------



## peacelily

Fantastic news Arrows, I was thinking about you yesterday!  Boys are great   


Peacelily xx


----------



## bambinolove

Hi!!!

Arrows- that's absolutely brilliant news, so so SO pleased for you. Just did a little excited clappy thing while waiting for the train to arrive..... Oops!  hope the time until the 19th Oct flies by! 

All you other lovely people who came back to me, thank you so much! It's so nice to have people who have been there to ask these things! Greenie, I know what you mean re DH, mine took one look at me during the Flowerpot Gang the other week and just laughed! I am a sucker for a sad story. Mrs ABA, Em0504, Bluebabe, thank you for sharing, sorry if I missed anyone, you are all so supportive.

Blubabe, I am like you, I am what I am, I will talk to anyone about it all as I refuse to hide it because at the end of the day my body let me down and I don't see why IF should be a dirty word. I'm really sorry to hear you are anxious, what is making you feel like that? What are you anxious about? I am sorry the reality isn't quite the same but you are amazing even if you don't think so right at this moment in time and I am sure if you talk to any new mum they would say the reality isn't quite the same as the dream. ((hugs))

Right off to the fun factory for another day of deep joy! Really hope I have a match soon LOL!


----------



## GERTIE179

Arrows that is fantastic news!!
   

X


----------



## Arrows

Thanks everyone! 
We've been told that after panel we have to wait till it's ratified (1-2 weeks) then have a intro/support planning meeting, then start intros but only have to do a week because of his age.  So intros likely November. Feels like I'm pregnant in the true sense of the word -filled up, paused with expectant anticipation- however also not quite real. Next step is meeting the medical adviser and the foster carer, hopefully as soon as possible.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Arrows, so happy for you. I can only imagine how excited you are x


----------



## nutmeg

Arrows, that's absolutely brilliant news, so pleased for you    You're going to have the most amazing Christmas ever ((()))


----------



## blueytoo

Arrows - that is fantastic news! Congratulations


----------



## someday

how lovely arrows! What a great age! I bet you can't wait to meet him! How exciting!


----------



## Anjelissa

Congratulations Arrows, that's wonderful news!!!   

Our little man was also 9 mths old when we were matched with him, such an exciting and magical time!  

Anj x x


----------



## bluebabe

So pleased for u arrows xx


----------



## Duckling

Arrows - massive CONGRATULATIONS!    So pleased for you.


Blue babe - anxious is the word I would use to describe myself after our lo arrived. The sense of responsibility was overwhelming and not having a minute to calm myself down didn't help. I can only imagine what it must be like x2. I was speaking to a friend from our course a couple of months back and she said she didn't know what was the matter with her because she was so anxious all the time. So what my ramble is trying to say is it's normal, you're normal, it does get better and better. But do grab all the help you can, something I found hard to do.  


Duckling x


----------



## bluebabe

Duckling u have described me perfectly xx I take them to my mums now so I can sit for ten mins, I don't leave them obviously it's too soon, but she takes over.  I sit and think of an evening of what a life oldest lo must have experienced as he was fourteen months when taken into care, as young as they are I think they do have memories. Xx


----------



## liveinhope

Bluebabe dont worry too much.  I have certainly felt the huge responsibility of suddenly having to take care of this little child.  Some days are better than others.  But on the whole we are managing.  And when we get it right its fantastic and motherhood is great.  Keep at it, Im sure you are doing great


----------



## watakerfuffle

Arrows that's fantastic news, it's an amazing feeling isn't it.  

Hello everyone else, sorry no personals, been mega busy these last few weeks and now feeling worn out! The good thing about being so busy is that there is now only 4 weeks until matching panel, whoo hoo can't wait to meet our little man.


----------



## nutmeg

Hope the next 4 weeks go quickly for you watakerfuffle.

Another disappointing day here    So we've been waiting on our PAR for about a month now - we were told he'd bring it a couple of weeks ago, but that came and went so chased him up and we were told "very sorry etc etc - it will be with you on Friday". On Friday we get a phonecall with more apologies and were told we'd have it weds (i.e. today) but we've heard nothing again. I know delays happen, but it's been really dragging the last month or so and I have no idea when we'll be going to panel    HS was finished about 5 weeks ago now.


----------



## E3021

*Arrows* - congratulations, I am so pleased for you - enjoy every second of this precious time in the run up to meeting your lovely son!

*Bluebabe * - I'm with you, taking on two is hard and some days I have felt really tearful for no apparent reason, I'm happy, have got everything I ever wanted but it's hard and draining and some days they do test your patience / reserves etc - life is so suddenly turned upside down and we're allowed to have a moment or two to every so often. Glad to hear you have your mum to draw on, take care and make time to unwind in the evenings if you can.  Hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow with less poo and licking!!!   ( What you said about the reaility as opposed to your visions struck a chord with me, but we'll adjust)

Everyone else - hi! Keep going, it is worth it - hard - but worth it - I wouldn't change a thing and am REALLY grateful that we have got two lovely LOs


----------



## E3021

Also - *Nutmeg * - that's rubbish, really hope your SW gets his act together soon and sends you that PAR - so frustrating, you think they would know that we wait on tenterhooks for each stage in this process!


----------



## bluebabe

E3201 and liven hope you both know what I'm going thru and I am so grateful for your honesty, what a difference a day makes, we have had a ball today and yes I am unwinding with a cup of decaf tea and a giant jam donut mmmmmm xxx


Nutmeg that's out of order, I would contact the adoption manager now and cause a fuss, I hope they pull their finger out xx


----------



## kizzi79

Sorry all, need to rant 

I rang the LA yesterday as it is just over 5 weeks since I sent in my application for an initial interview and was told "don't worry it can often take *a few months* for us to get back to people as we are very busy with so many people applying, your case will eventually be allocated to a social worker when someone is able, I can leave a message with the team manager to say you rang if you really want me to".

Hmmm... Have a feeling adoption is going to be as full of waiting as treatment was http://static.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/Smileys/classic/embarrassed.gif

A very grumpy Krissi xx

PS Nutmeg ^bigbad^ that is awful - what is it with these people (esp when the media keep saying there are so many kids in need of a good home) and all these delays


----------



## peacelily

Nutmeg...you have my complete sympathies.  Haven't mentioned before but we are going through process for number 2. We finished HS in April, received first draft of our PAR in July and have since missed 4 Panel dates due to their inefficient admin and general lack of any kind of urgency.  I can't say any more because this a public forum and we have adopted before, but    hoping for October now   


What makes me really cross is their stock answer of, "our priority is the children".  We understand that children's cases take priority at Panels, but they haven't even managed to get our paperwork submitted yet, and if that was the case, they'd get adopters through the assessment process in a far more efficient manner in order to get children out of foster care and into forever homes quicker.


*steps off her soapbox*


Peacelily xx


----------



## bluebabe

Peacelilly and krissi it was all over the news about speeding up the process when I was going thru it I don't believe a word of it, and how can they keep leaving kids in care when being in a loving forever family would be th best? They kept blaming the court system but sometimes the social workers need a kick up the whatsy as well xx


----------



## skyblu

Peacelily and Krisi, you both have my sympathies.We were approved to adopt 6 weeks ago tomorrow and we still haven't had our ratification. It makes my blood bloody boil some times, you keep getting fobbed off with excuses and court dates, holiday leave and sickness and all other bull sh*t.
I agree that the children should have the court dates first to prevent them from being in the care system too long, but then they bang on about there is not enough of adopters out there, but we are here, they are dragging out the proses for far to long and not getting the paper work done in time, so these poor little mites are in the care system for too long as the adopters who have been approved have not been ratified and the delay begins again.
*Sorry rant over* Our new SW is coming to see us tomorrow so hopfully we will have some news then, if not I'm afraid there may be a little rant going off on one again.  

Arrows - Congratulations    you are going to be a mummy. 

Bambinlove, I echo everything the other ladies have mentioned about the counselling.
I was under the mental health act for a year about 2 years ago, due to misscarages, IVF treatment and my Endometriosis condition was also getting me down. None of this went against me and I was actually applauded for seeking out the help I needed as it was me who went to my GP to ask for help rather him admitting me.
I have on many occasions cryed in front of my SW when we talked about my treatment and exspecally the miscarriages. As I told her, I will never never forget the babies I've lost and because I cry for them now and then does not make me week it is my way of remembering and grieving the life we could of given them.
Even when we finally have the child of our dreams, I will still remember and shed a tear or two when it would of been their birthdays or the anniversary of their deaths. At the end of the day we are only humans and we have been through a lot more than someone who does not have infertility and we are constantly fighting to have what is the most natural thing in the world ,  a child.

Hi to everyone else 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## bambinolove

Watakerfuffle - glad the time is passing quite quickly, hope the next few go just as fast!

Nutmeg - I agree with Bluebabe, its time to get their manager involved, if your PAR is anything like ours was it was mostly my work anyway and just a lot of copying and pasting! 

Krissi, Peacelily - ((hugs)) to you, hope you get your contact / PAR and panel soon.

Bluebabe - glad you are feeling better. Only a bit jealous of the jam doughnut!

Skyblu - ((hugs)) to you too! No idea who to contact about the ratification, we are on about day 9 and already I am itching to hear something, and we were warned it would be a bit longer as the lead panel member was having a few days off! No idea how you are coping right now! Thank you for your comments, and I agree if I thought I needed it I would go but apart from the occasional blue day (I would say that there has been 1 this year) then on the whole I think I am quite pragmatic about it all, I'm a firm believer that laughter will get you through anything and DH and the dog make me laugh on a daily basis! I am a lucky girl to have them.

Hope you all have some good news soon!


----------



## AoC

Bluebabe, thanks for sharing.  I can completely understand that you'd feel that way!  I think we place too much expectation on ourselves, but no-one ever said you don't have a right to feel overwhelmed and anxious!  I think suddenly having children in your life after the stresses of IF and then the adoption process is such a shock to the system.  (((((hugs)))))  I'm sure you're - all of you - are doing a wonderful job, and you're LOs are so lucky to have you.   

Remember, you're one of the world's heroines.   

Nutmeg, that's so frustrating!  We had some delays with ours, but DH encouraged me (as in, made me!) be patient with the SW, as an investment in a future working relationship!  Although I ranted a lot in the background.  And to be honest, she's been wonderful all the way through, just the PAR was delayed.  It's so upsetting and frustrating, though.  ((((hugs))))

I have a friend who's adopted who says that each delay or hurdle just means YOUR little one, the one who needs YOU, who is destined to be YOURS isn't ready yet.  I found that helped.  

And the ranting.  And wholesale destruction on a PC game...  *eyeroll*

Krissi, while I get that they're really busy, not just with adoption applications, but with protecting little ones from harm, I'm really uncomfortable with them talking like that.  It's NOT okay.    I hate when people are blase about long delays like that.  Are you dead set on that LA?  Have you investigated others and VAs?  I don't want to be some sort of VA evangelist, but we'd been working with our LA for almost a year and just got to them inviting us to apply when we switched.  Our VA took us from first contact to PAR complete in 7 months.  Lots of (((((hugs))))).  I think how they're working is unacceptable.

I agree, peacelilly - at the heart of the matter is that most adoption agencies are trying to balance child protection work with family finding work.  And it can't be done.  It's the old adage of the woman who's too busy pulling drowning people out the river to go upstream and stop them jumping in....

I think part of the 'speeding up the process' bit is this concurrent fostering idea.  We had a colleague recently whose daughter was just about to meet her LO.  The LO was 3 days old, and they were hoping to take them home the same day as panel.... incredible.

Oh brava, Skyblu!  I heartily applaud what you've said to your SW about crying not being weakness, and instead being healthy grieving.  Lovely!  My PAR says something about my 'showing emotion easily'.    Damn straight....


----------



## Mrs ABA

Arrows - v exciting!


Nutmeg and Krissi - commiserations on the delay - what a pain.


Skyblu - thanks so much for sharing your experience.  I am terrified of the part of the HS when we have to talk about fertility treatment as I know I will be in floods of tears.  I don't think that that means I haven't moved on though as I am sure that talking about it will be painful in 30 years time.


Blubabe - glad things are settling down a bit.  Natural mums often say that the first few months are harder than they could possibly imagine.


I am at home with flu at the mo and have read "the Primal Wound" on adoption.  Has anyone else read it?  I found it helpful up to a point, but very American.


 to you all


A
x


----------



## Mrs ABA

PS - just wanted to ask - what were your experiences of the fertility aspect of the HS?


Thanks


A
x


----------



## nutmeg

Thanks everyone.

Krissi, Peacelily and Skylu - so sorry you are all going through delays of one form or another too. It really is frustrating when it's down to other people's inefficiencies and ineptitude. But as with AOC he was great through the process but the admin is slow going (he did say their admin lady was very slow and they only have one!). I've emailed him but I worry that he'll think we're real pains and it's hard when you want to have a good relationship moving on! Ah well, email sent now so we'll see. AOC I shall try and remember what your friend said when I am being particularly impatient!

Mrs ABA I didn't read the primal wound as I just couldn't bring myself to do so  - maybe later. In terms of infertility discussions in HS, we talked about the treatments we went through, over how many years, how we ended up there, what were the "issues" and how we coped with it and moved on. I found it quite therapeutic to be honest. I'm sure you'll be fine.


----------



## Mrs ABA

thanks Nutmeg
x


----------



## nutmeg

Well just had a very apologetic phonecall - other priorities etc etc. He needs a clear 4-5 hours run to get our PAR complete, which he has tomorrow afternoon so we will hear from him on Monday (hmmmmm?) but we're now his priority and top of the list, the Sept panel folks are all done and complete so now he's concentrating on us and apparently we're definately booked in for October   

Thanks for letting me grumble!


----------



## bluebabe

Yay nutmeg great news xx


----------



## someday

Does anyone ever get days if you wonder if you are doing the right thing?

we are nearly there but I can't help but wonder if it is the right thing. I hope this is just today!!!


----------



## Arrows

glad he's finally (fingers crossed) getting on with it for you.


I had to tell my neighbour today -was awful cause she had a stillborn at Easter and I knew I'd really upset her. I did but she sent me a nice text afterwards, even though she was really upset. I felt terrible but happy for myself. Told her I understood and got it if she desperately wanted nothing to do with us or the opposite and needed to spend time with him but still.. Not nice but she needed time to assimilate as our LO is only a few months older than her's would have been. :-(

On the plus side made two lovely new friends today at a kids play area and one runs a pre-school. Looking forward to meeting them for coffee next week.


----------



## Mrs ABA

Arrows - sorry to hear about your neighbour but perhaps you can give her some hope...
Nice to hear you are making mummy friends!


Someday - I think a lot of people have doubts - it is a big thing we are undertaking.  A different situation but my bro got massively scared when his wife was pregnant.  Was really worried about being a dad.  He fell in love with his son immediately and is a great father.  to you.


A
x


----------



## bluebabe

Someday I still have that thought when I've had a bad day, thankfully I've had two good days in a run haha xx


----------



## AoC

Yes, Someday, I do.  But it wears off.  

You're a good woman, Arrows, your neighbour is lucky to have you.  

*waving*


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi ladies,

I've only posted on here once so I'm new to this thread, we are at the very beging of our adoption process although I've been following this thread for a long time. Dh and I have our information evening in about 4 weeks and feel very positive about adoption. FIngers crossed everything will be ok and at the end of this long road there will be a little one or two waiting to come home with us. I know we are at the very beginning however today I went and purchased a winnie the pooh photo frame for our spare room, its the only thing relating to children that I have in the room at the moment although I could easily put in so much more, my question is does anyone think I'm been silly and getting my hopes up too soon. I just couldn't resist as I feel so positive.
Any advise will be much appreciated.
Oh and can someone tell me what PAR is please I don't know that one.

Thank you x x x


----------



## Unconditional-love

Sorry about the spelling mistakes its my not so great phone


----------



## CKay

Unconditional -    thinking positive is a good thing.  We're very new to this too.  DH and I have our information evening next Tuesday evening.  I booked another one in with Barnados too which is in 2 weeks time.  So we have one with our LA first then Barnados.  Not sure if I needed to go to two but thought it would be good to see any difference.  I know it will also be a long journey, but cheers to a hopeful start   

CKay xx


----------



## nutmeg

Arrows, that must have been very tough for you aswell as your neighbour (())

Unconditional - PAR is the prospective adopters report - basically it's made up of all the info gathered through the process of homestudy etc.

Good luck to you and to Ckay for your information evenings and yes Ckay going to more than one can be useful, it gives you a good impression - we went to 2, talked to another 2 before we decided on our LA.

Have a great weekend everyone, we're off camping tomorrow, so keep your fingers crossed for no more torrential downpours please


----------



## Poochie1111

Hi everyone


I've not had much chance to get on here and catch up with everyone. Our LO moved in with us on Saturday. We were so lucky to have such a great FC. All going well so far although she has been teething and is struggling with it a bit. She didn't sleep at all well for a few days (and neither did we  )  Just taking each day slowly.  The house is a mess and I yet don't care!


So much to catch up on so I know I will miss some of your news.  Also, I'm pooped and need my bed.


Arrows - read your news.  Congratulations!! Very excited for you!!  Believe it or not, the next two months will go quickly.  So many people to meet and also time to get things bought and your nursery ready.  Exciting times ahead   


Bluebabe - don't be hard on yourself.    Things are going to take time.  I bet your doing better than you think you are. I have to keep telling myself that I'm not supermum and I don't need to be.


Nutmeg - your 5 weeks wait for your PAR is unreasonable. They are massive reports but your SW should have been completing it as they went along. Hope you do actually get to hear next week.   


Just reading on the discussion about speeding up the process.  Don't get me started!!  The process is frustrating and long, but I do agree why they have to go through such detail.  I think they don't have enough SWs.  We met with our LOs SW this week for a review of how things were going, and she told me should was looking after 23 children that needed to be placed.  Some at opposite ends of the country. She looked shattered. 


Skyblu - I thought what you said about how you still feel sad at times about your MCs.  I couldn't have worded it better.  I don't think it ever goes away, just a little less painful. Like you say, it just means that you're human.  I hope your get your ratification through soon.


Hello to our new ladies on here.


That's it from me. Bye for now!


xx


----------



## skyblu

Hi ladies, well I have my happy face tonight 

Our new SW came this morning and was really nice, she apologised for the delay regarding the ratification and said we were within our rights to complain as it is bloody disgusting with the wait we have been through (her words).
I then told her about the dream I had last night......... I saw her and our old SW walking down the path and our old SW looked really sad and I turned to dh and said this looks like bad news, and I was right. The old SW came as she felt as we knew her better she wanted to tell us the bad news that the decision maker didn't think we were suitable and that they were very sorry but we have reached the end of the road. I then woke up sweating like a pig and my heart going like the clappers. Naturally I didn't sleep much after that. Any way when the SW got back to the office she told her manager my dream and said right this can not go on any longer, phoned the secretary told her to pull their fingers out and then hour later she phoned to say they had found our signed ratification ready to post out and the letter was dated 2 weeks ago but was forgotten about 

Also we were told even though a child can't be placed until January 2013 they have now decided to look for a match as their next matching panel is not until the beginning of February 2013 anyway, so they are hoping they can find a match as soon as and get the ball rolling ready for Feb  ;  .

Welcome unconditional-love  good luck with the info evenings.

Thank you Ladies for all your comments on the rant I had last night. It means a lot and it is nice to know I am not the only one who still as a little weep over my little angels. 

Good night ladies.
A very happy and relived Skyblu.xxx


----------



## AoC

Oh Skyblu, that's such a huge jump forward for you, I'm so glad your new SW has a healthy dose of righteous outrage.  That's just awful that the letter was just sitting there all this time you've been waiting and worrying.    And yay, they're going to look for a match!  And now they've c***ed up, I suspect they're going to work very dilligently for you....


----------



## Arrows

Skyblu, I'm really please for you that things are FINALLY moving and that they're gona start looking for you but it also makes me FURIOUS that their next panel isn't until Feb! What are the playing at! Back when we got approved there were 3 panels in a month because when the children are ready to be matched and placed they come first. Grrr, it makes me mad the children are having to wait another 6mths because of the lack of panels in some areas!!!! Huge grrr!


----------



## peacelily

Poochie1111 said:


> Nutmeg - your 5 weeks wait for your PAR is unreasonable. They are massive reports but your SW should have been completing it as they went along.


Poochie - I think we waited nearly 2 months for ours!! Now, completing it as you go along would be the logical way...  lovely to hear little one is settling in well.

Peacelily xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Great news finally Skyblu x


----------



## snapdragon

Skyblu: I can't believe they had the letter for 2 weeks and the next matching panel in Feb!

My sw has just rung, she went to see lo yesterday and he is not suitable. The other possible has court date 10th Sept but she is school age and we hoped for a bit younger. She has asked again if we are interested in 18 month old, a year below our age range. There is family history of aspergers and adhd. We have decided to look at the CPR but just not sure. I think I'm too old for a child that young, 43. What do you think

Anybody know genetic risk of aspergers and adhd.


----------



## E3021

*Snapdragon * - you're definitely not too young for an 18 month old - the general rule is a 45 year age gap max between parent and child. Not an expert by any means but I think there is a risk of ADHD and Aspergers being heriditary, however environment may play a part and I also (professionally) know lots of parents who have children with ADHD and Aspergers and have no sign of it themselves so the reverse must (hopefully) be true.

I guess I would read the CPR and see how I felt after that - our LOs BPs have quite a catalogue of risks / issues but so far no sign in our girls and a lot of their stuff was environmental anyway - really sad lives that triggered behaviour / made it difficult to learn.

When our SW was laying it on thick about the risks we still knew that they were meant for us, if this LO is meant for you I think you'll know and no matter what the risks you'll want to pursue it. And if you don't that's fine, don't feel guilty - not every child can be yours - you will know if it's right or not.

Hope that makes sense and helps a bit!

*Skyblu * - so pleased that things are moving for you after all your setbacks - the end is finally in sight! 

*Poochie* - congratulations on having your LO home, enjoy every minute.

*Arrows* - you really are lovely, your neighbour is lucky that you are so thoughtful, I'm sure you taking that step will make it massively easier for her to cope with your lovely new arrival.

*Unconditional * - it can't hurt to buy one little thing - perhaps limit yourself to one purchase for each step - e.g. getting on a prep course, starting home study etc, until you are matched and can go hell for leather in all the baby shops!!! 

*AFU * - had an awful night, our eldest has a filthy cold and we were up for ages as she was crying and wouldn't settle, I was paranoid the baby would wake up and then lay wide awake for ages listening out for them both - feel like a zombie today, but luckily they are both having a nice long nap at the moment!


----------



## peacelily

E3021 said:


> *Snapdragon *- you're definitely not too young for an 18 month old - the general rule is a 45 year age gap max between parent and child. Not an expert by any means but I think there is a risk of ADHD and Aspergers being heriditary, however environment may play a part and I also (professionally) know lots of parents who have children with ADHD and Aspergers and have no sign of it themselves so the reverse must (hopefully) be true.
> 
> I guess I would read the CPR and see how I felt after that - our LOs BPs have quite a catalogue of risks / issues but so far no sign in our girls and a lot of their stuff was environmental anyway - really sad lives that triggered behaviour / made it difficult to learn.
> 
> When our SW was laying it on thick about the risks we still knew that they were meant for us, if this LO is meant for you I think you'll know and no matter what the risks you'll want to pursue it. And if you don't that's fine, don't feel guilty - not every child can be yours - you will know if it's right or not.


Couldn't have put it better, E3021!


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All,

Snapdragon - From my own family experience I would say that there is a chance Aspergers is genetic, my two male cousins and one of their nephews has it. However, there is also supposition that it is less common in girls than boys and does often seem to follow in the males rather than the females. There is no conclusive proof of any of this, but it is certainly true of my family. As for being 43 with a 18 month old, the age of mothers is rising all the time, I know a number of women who have had babies in their 40s. So I can only say do you think you are an old 43 or a young 43. I may be 37, but my mental age is somewhere late 20s! Don't care what others say, do what feels right in your heart honey.

Skyblu - Fantastic news, but I have to agree with Arrows, why would they have a 6 month wait for a matching panel? Thats ridiculous! However, one thing is its working out for the best for you, so that in itself is a good enough reason! 

Arrows - What a lovely thing to do for your neighbour. I am sure she is really grateful to have someone so understanding living next to her.

Mrs ABA - The fertility aspect of the HS for me was ok, the only thing that upset me was talking about my sister wanting to help but feeling useless.... again the family had me becoming an emotional wreck... there is definitely a theme here! As others have said I think being open and honest about it is the way forward and showing how you have moved on.

Unconditional - Whats a photo frame in the grand scheme of things? Good luck with the info evening and going forward.

Ckay - Good luck with your info evening too!

E3021 - Hope they sleep for a while yet!

Peacelily / Poochie - My experience of the home study was just as illogical, I would think a list of questions at the front of the book to be ticked off would be common sense, but more than once we repeated stuff because SW couldn't remember if we had covered it or not! Completing as you go along.... err.... don't see that happening. Too much to do, too little time. I don't envy their jobs if I am honest!

Nutmeg - Enjoy the camping, hope the rain stays away.

AFU - Still waiting for the ratification... Going to email SWs boss in a mo as we still don't know who is going to cover for us while ours is off sick, its been two weeks since panel so I have given them time. At least its something I can do without hassling them too much.

Have a lovely weekend peeps!


----------



## snapdragon

Thanks, we are seriously thinking about it. 

Just found out my dad has had a mild stroke. He went to his gp yesterday with a weak leg and he just sent him home. I wasn't happy and made him go to a&e, they did a ct scan and he is at the stroke unit today where they have confirmed it as a full stroke. Sorry I know it isin't adoption related.


----------



## snapdragon

we have said we would like more info on lo, 18 months, and our sw is coming to see us next Friday, CPR not ready yet, sometime next week. Apparently lo's sw wants to meet us and is coming too! Have researched aspergers and adhd genetic links and it is something we would have to accept as a possibility I think.


----------



## bambinolove

Snapdragon -    who cares whether it is adoption related or not, hope he is feeling better soon.


----------



## Poochie1111

Snapdragon - so sorry to hear about your dad. Hope he makes a speedy recovery soon xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Sorry girls but this is going to be mainly a ME post, but does actually relate to alot of the recent conversations.

1stly - Welcome unconditional-love cKay

Sanpdragon - Hope this 18month old is the one for you, what a fantastic age (thats our dream age), also hope your Dad has a speedy recovery  

Skyblu - Fantastic news, so glad things are finally moving forward for you. So pleased, sounds like your new SW is the bee's knee's!  

Hello everyone else  

WELL . . .  Ive been saying for the past few weeks to DH that I was worried our panel would be delayed, SW just seemed to be leaving everything very last min and having a rush on to get everything complete in time. I let him be to get on with it without much hassle as I knew that was how he worked (total opposite to me, im very much a get it over and done with type of person, so didnt want to come across pushy or inpatient). Well today (6 days before panel) we had the dissapointing news that panel has infact been delayed till Oct now   Its not all down to things not quite being finished and in place as they should be, but mainly down to the fact our social worker has been admitted to hospital and quite poorly   We are a bit gutted but not surprised really so think we've took it quite well, and at least its not a huge delay in the whole scheme of things and hopefully we'll all be more organised and prepared in time for that panel. But more importantly pretty worried for our social worker, he sounds very unwell and I know he's going to be gutted and feeling really guilty himself, but at the end of the day these things cant be predicted or prevented, and as I said its not a huge delay really. Cant help but wonder if he had had things fully completed and submitted then would we of been going to panel with or without him? Not sure if you can still go ahead with panel without your own social worker like. Just wish him a speedy recovery back to good health for his sake and for ours. 

Thanks for listening xx


----------



## skyblu

I think I need to word my posts better 

Regarding matching panel, what she meant was, as they have a meeting for matching at the end of each month and to see who is well matched and who is not and a load of SW look at peoples PAR's. As we hadn't had ratification yesterday morning and the matching meet was yesterday afternoon we would of mist that one any way and if we have a match by October say, by the time we go through seeing if the lo is for us, meeting lo's SW waiting to go to matching panel and starting intros and as we can't have the lo move in until the end of January then we would properly be looking to February's matching panel. I'm just happy that we can be looked at and can go through all the meeting's and getting ready before matching panel. I think she was just using a scenario but I don't think our LA have matching panel's 3 times a month, they only have perspective adopters panel dates once a month 
Due to the delay to our ratification, she did say they are very short staffed and that the decision maker is going to have the boot and someone else is going to step in as this bloke just can't handle the work load.

Bambinlove, I hope you have your ratification soon we waited 6 weeks. By BAAF rules you are supposed to have ratification within 7-10 days so don't hold back keep harassing them and you are within your rights to complain.

Can't Wait, so sorry your panel date has been delayed  I know how that feels ours was delayed 3 times but mostly due to court dates for lo's. As you said another 2 months is not a long time in the great scheme of things.
As people told me, your lo is not ready for you yet and once you have been to panel he/she will be ready and waiting for you. These things happen for a reason. I hope your SW has a speedy recovery and get his paper work in order. Chin up hun 

Snapdragon, good luck with your lo and I hope this one is for you. 

Thanks everyone for your msgs 

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## skyblu

Sorry Snapdragon, I forgot to say that I hope your dad is o.k and I am wishing him a speedy recovery 

Skyblu.xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Thanks Skyblu, I am a HUGE believer in fate and I think thats whats getting us through this. I really do think that little delays and hurddles are just part of the journey thats intended for us, and at the end is the right LO for us. Happy endings and all that   xx


----------



## trying4ababy

Hi all,
Wow this is a busy forum!  I am trying my best to keep up and learn all of the new terms!  I am sorry, but no personals at the monent from me, I am sort of still lurking.  I hope the more I read and learn the better I will be able to coment and reply to peoples posts!  It is all very overwhelming at the moment!

I am sorry that for now I just have a few questions.....!
Is anyone in the south east?  Are there any VA that operate south of London as I have searched and a lot of them are getting back to me saying that I live out of their geographical area.  Any suggestions of VA would be greatly recieved!

My second question is what things can I do in this 6 month ish period from failed fertility treatments to being able to start registering my interest with adotion agencies! I realise I need time out to come to terms with it all, but I want to do research, read books, work out what type of refernces I need and think of who I could ask etc.  

Thanks all for your help and everyone being such a freindly and supportive forum!
Nic x


----------



## Ally Wally

hey nic... i'm a bit like you in that i am always looking ahead and trying to research as much as possible and i know all about that 6 month wait. it may sound like a long time but i was amazed of how quickly it whizzed by. i love love love books and find reading and research so good for the soul. crikey...you should see my amazon wish list! i would start with ' what to expect when you're adopting' by dr ian palmer...a good all-rounder as an introduction.

i also saw a great idea on here in which i asked all my friends to write personal references for us and then had a bit of a 'blue peter' momentt and made like a little book/project of them with photos etc. a good way of illustrating your support network. also a good way of helping to choose your formal refernces later. 

i can't really help with the first question though, as we are in suffolk but i did try and contact the kent LA at one stage and they were amazing..not sure if that would work for you?

lastly, i would try and gain as much experience in working with little ones as possible (if you don't already do.) i volunteer once or twice a month in a childminding business (1-4 year olds) and the LA seem happy with this. 

wishing you lots of luck on this amazing journey.


----------



## trying4ababy

Thanks Ally Wally. I have already read that book you suggested, it was quite good. I have quite a few friends who have had babies so am going to volunteer my free baby sitting services! I live in Kent and have been looking at the Kent LA, but the website says they want you to wait a year from last fertility treatment, that is ages!
Nic x


----------



## liveinhope

Medway LA only expects you to wait 6 months trying4ababy. Might be worth trying them


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All,

Spoke to SW and the ratification is in the post, we are officially approved!!!   
Apparently there is a lack of siblings in our LA and the SW was going to make us wait to go consortium wide, bolshy me wasn't taking that, the Head SW we had for our panel had said consortium for the 1st 3 months and then country wide. So she is going to speak to the Head woman tomorrow and hopefully we might be going to the consortium soon.

Hope everyone is well.


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

hi everyone,

sorry for just butting in...i have been lurking around for a while.

me & DH are due to go on our prep course 2 wks today, we have been waiting since may as that course was full. Now its getting closer im getting nervous, we've been waiting for so long that i cant quite believe its finally going to start. we go on the course once a wk for 6 wks.

Does anyone have any advice on wot to expect from the prep course? any info is much appreciated.

Look forward to getting to no u all and reading all ur journeys.

Lou x


----------



## nutmeg

Sorry all but no personals right now. We returned from camping with a very poorly girl. She has a viral infection which landed her in the children's hospital. We're all knackered but fingers crossed she's through the worst now. We're in bed now as she won't let me leave her side but she's still running a terrible fever and she missed the first day of term    poor baby.

Oh and despite sw'rs promises last Friday STILL no PAR


----------



## Poochie1111

Nutmeg - wishing your little girl a speedy recovery.    I'm sure you haven't slept much.


Angel mummy - welcome! My only advice for the prep course gmail to relax and enjoy it.  Ours was over three days and I enjoyed every minute - got so much out of it.  They are tiring as there's so much information and you'll be taking it all in.  It's a great way to meet other prospective adopters in the same boat. You'll all have stories to share. They give you all the information, tips etc. to help with attachment, helping your child deal with loss, the background of the children.  There should be some guest speakers there which are great to listen to. I came away feeling really confident and positive.


Bambino - great news on getting the ratification through - whoo hoo!


All going ok with our little lady.  She's teething really badly at the moment.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hello ladies

Poochie - Glad all is going well with your little lady, I hope the teething isn't too bad for her 

Nutmeg - I hope your DD is okay, get well soon little girl x As for the PAR, I could scream for you!!!! Hopefully you'll get it soon x

Angel mummy - Welcome x We went on prep course at the end of May/June...we found it so incredibly useful, enjoy it and don't be afraid to ask questions. Let us know how you're gettin gon, good luck chick x

Bambino - Woohoo to being ratified   I hope you get a quick match x

Trying4ababy - Welcome, not from the South I'm afraid so no advice on agencies but I'm with a VA in the Midlands....and they are amazing. My experience of VAs is so positive, I cannot praise ours enough! Good luck hun x

Can't wait - Sorry your panel date has been delayed... I hope you get the October panel and a very quick match x x

Snapdragon - I hope your dad's ok, get well soon Papa Snapdragon! Good luck with the 18mo lo x

Skyblu - Great news about potentially linking before January, you'll be a mummy in no time honey x 

AFU, we got our PAR today, our SW has been so incredibly amazing I really cannot praise her and the VA enough   The PAR is amazing, let's hope the panel think the same. SW confirmed that we're booked on to the 23rd October panel...the wait is killing me though, it really is just a waiting game now  I think I'll cope with the matching wait...as it will be a case of when not if! I keep having wobbles...what if we don't get approved, which I don't think will happen but what if   Here I go again!

I've done everything I said I wouldn't do...pushchairs ready, one for us and one for my mums house. Nursery furniture ready, Nursery interior ready...just need to decorate it, paint ready and starting this weekend. Car seats ready. Am I nesting....I feel like I'm losing my marbles! Am I the only woman in the world who in her head feels pregnant with potentially a toddler...has everything ready but doesn't know for sure if this 'head pregnancy' will ever result in a child, and if it does when, how old etc. I sound barmy don't I...I am not, or atleast I didn't used to be lol. Help me....am I normal?

 Sending lots of 'adoption' dust your way, good luck everyone

Fruit loop Simone x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Ah Nutmeg   poor dd - really hope shes feeling better soon and enjoying being at school  

Hello everyone else  

Caintwaittobeamommy - I came on here to share my news. DH and I have bought our first 'mammy & daddy to be' purchase. Got ourselves a pram! Proper chuffed with it and been having a good play about. Im grinning like a cheshire cat   only other thing to buy before having a match is a car seat. Want to buy most things when we know who our LO is going to be but wanted to get the big purchases now to try and spread the cost. so no I dont think your mad, I think most ppl get some stuff in and get ready. Also we are now for Oct panel so we are now panel buddies AND we are decorting the LO's room this weekend/start of next week. Your post really made me giggle coz everything you've described is us at the min   

xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Woohoo I'M NORMAL lol  

CONGRATULATIONS on your first mummy and daddy purchase, it's an amazing feeling...if not a little scary isn't it?!

What pushchair did you get? ....mines up in the lounge at the minute, I can't stop walking round the house with it, I have it in the lounge so I can keep looking at it 

Panel buddies yay, what date's yours?


----------



## skyblu

Cant wait and cantwaittobeamommy, I am so envious of you both. My dh wont let me buy anything or do anything until we are matched  I don't know about you both, but we have been approved for 1 child 0-2 yrs with a girl as 1st choice and a boy as a second choice. So because of this dh wont buy anything in case we have a boy instead of a girl or we have a 18month - 2 yr child so we  need to think carefully about pushchair's as one for a young child will be all singing all dancing one and a toddler one one will just be a cheaper one as it wont be in use for very long and the same goes for the cot/bed even though I have said to get cotbed so then it wont matter. I have said about you girl's and with a bit of luck we will be purchasing a new car seat soon, all singing and dancing which ranges from 6 months to 6 years plus 
On top of that our SW told us not to buy anything as with the age range we have gone for the fc usually give the cot/mattress and pushchairs with the child as it helps them settle quicker as their smell are on their things and is familiar to them.

Nutmeg - I hope your little girl gets well soon. 

Poochie - hoping you are surviving the teething stage. 

Angel mummy -  welcome to ff  good luck with the prep course. Please don't get to nervous about it as I was like you and it spoilt the first few ours as I couldn't relax. But within a few hours you do relax and you get to know people in the same postion as you and you learn so much about adoption. Enjoy it. 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## AoC

Don't worry, Skyblu, I'm in the same position - we're 1 or 2, 0-6 years, so anything we buy might turn out to be wrong!  Our SW did say that a lot of stuff will come from the FC, too, and since we don't yet know ages or sex, we've restricted ourselves to decorating the spare room and my office that might become a second kid's room.  Our closest friend also gave us a bunch of stuff, including a beautiful cot bed, and we know family are keen to get involved with some of the big purchases, so we're holding fire until we're matched.  

I'm envious of all the purchases, though, how lovely!    And good luck with panels, folks!

*waving*


----------



## Arrows

We decorated the nursery with a neutral colour but didn't buy / put up anything given, until we were matched. We did buy a pushchair last weekend (get all of us buying up stock!) and won't find out what he's bringing till Monday when we meet the foster carer, however I get a really bad back sometimes to had to ensure we got a lightweight pushchair and one that can be put down with one hand so I'd manage it better. Got a City Mini. 
AoC, age makes a huge difference  as you've said so be neutral -we're cleared 1 child 0-4yrs so we were given a cot and had a single mattress we salvaged and didn't do anything till just before our interview once we were shortlisted. We still have the mattress in that room for visitors if needed.
Skyblu, waiting sucks totally. I know! :-( Looks like you've been waiting since Dec'10 so 1yr 9mths -we are very similar and applied Jun'10 now at 2yrs 3mths and we first heard about our (fingers crossed) LO in June, so at 2yrs. It WILL happen, I'm just glad you haven't been crazy delayed!! It'll be almost 5mths from first reading his profile to bringing him home but I know people who have super efficient SW's (like my mum) who get it done in less than 3mths!!

So plan for us is:
Mon 10th visit FC
10-19th visit medical adviser at some point, fill out paperwork for panel
Panel 8th Oct (also my birthday!)
27th hoping to start intros (delaying by 5days to finish term and bring in more money which will increase my adoption pay when on leave!)


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hahahaha cantwaittobeamommy - Im creased here laughing   Our pushchair is up in the loungue as well, i keep stroking it when i walk past and giving it a little push here and there. Weve kept it up so the dogs get used to it, the springers scatty and scared of it   she cowers in the corner when it moves! We got a quinny buzz, i work with newborns so have been eyeing up prams and asking new mams for their reviews etc and after plenty research decided on that one. We needed something that can have all terrain tyres added for long dogs walks etc Although we prob wont need the use of a pushchair for very long or very often we thought it was best for long days out and dog walking when little toddler legs might get tired, would rather have it and hardly use it then wish we had it.

Skyblu/AoC/Arrows - Until last week I was there with you's all, purchase envy but researching and making lists while waiting to be set free to shop. After a lot of thinking and planning (and talking DH round) we decided to get a pushchair and car seat (still reseraching that one!) in advance to avoid a mega expensive shopping spree at the last min and to try and spread the cost. The room is going to be neutrally decorated and have personal touches and colours added once matched. Theres already a single bed in that room which can easily have a bed guard thingy added if need be, and a friend at work has a cot/bed we can have if we get a LO thats too young for a single bed. The quinny buzz is suitable from birth to 4yrs, so that covers our age group, and a lot of car seats can be suitable from 6months - 3/4yrs etc so that covers our age group as well. You can shop if you do it smartly and limit yourself   We will be looking at either sex age 0 - 3yrs but preferably and more realistically 1yrs -18months old.
Our pram was a total bargain, found an excellent quality 2nd hand one from someone who lives in the same town as us, came with all the accessories and add ons we would want, the exact colour we wanted (neutral storm grey), and is seriously in perfect condition, not a single scratch/mark/stain/tear/fault - nothing. We paid like less than 1/4 of what would of been the cost new. I just couldnt let that bargain slip thru my hands, I will have to rain myself now as to not get carried away as it is a lovely feeling.


----------



## someday

we bought a child's bed a couple of months ago as a friend was selling it. we only paid £10 for it so if we don't need it yet or its
's too small it's no loss really. We have painted and re-carpeted one of the bedrooms (we have friends visiting soon so needed doing), the other bedroom we will do shortly. I've looked at some ideas for decorating, furnishing rooms but not dared do anything yet.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

Wow, I'm jealous of all the purchases and hoping that one day we will be in the position to join you in buying pushchairs etc. I am secretly obsessed with prams and pushchairs. I now find myself staring and thinking 'one day that could be us'. 

Last weekend we had DH's god daughters (7 and 4) and I can honestly say I cannot remember ever being that tired!!!! It was great experience and enthused us even more. I'm also back at school now which has been a shock to the system. I could get quite used to not working but don't think DH would allow!!! We're now waiting for our PAR which we are hoping will arrive by the end of Sept ready for Oct panel. 

Good luck to you all, whatever stage that you are at

Greenie x


----------



## AoC

I'm just jealous, Can't Wait!      You're quite right, there's ways of doing it.  

*waving*


----------



## Dreams do come true

Cant wait - spooky how similar we are!!!!!!! I have got a Quinny Buzz, a friend gave it to me...I love it  For a long time I have had my heart set on a Stokke explory, so had to have one - that's my pushchair for my house - it's great becuase I am tall and the child can virtually have eye contact with me in it  The Quinny Buzz has been taken to my mums house, hubby was fed up with have 2 pushchairs in the lounge, lol! I took mine (yes the pushchair!)  for a walk to my friends...it was a test drive, and the nosey old lady from a few doors down came running out to look at my 'baby', she now thinks I'm a nutter, lol. I got my own way with the pushchair by convincing DH that it is an investment, we got 20% off and it will do 2 children (not at the same time), then I can sell it on ebay. You're right the shopping is an AMAZING feeling and someting I have wanted to do for 7 years, not it's spiralling out of control....shop shop shop 

Greeniebop - Hopefully another one for October panel  What pushchair have you got in mind? Glad you had a nice weekend with your god daughters  How long are you taking from work with LO arrives?

Someday - Where are you in the process hun? What colour are you planning to decorate, I'm hmmming and ahhhing at the mo...I have the Elfie and Mop interior range from Manas and Papas (50% off bargain ) and want to have a feature wall in the room which is suitable for a child between 0-2, boy or girl....was going to do lime with white polka dots but I think it's more for a boy, then orange with white polka dots and now pale grey with white polka dots....just not sure!

Arrows - Just checked out the City Mini it's lovely  Not long until you get to use it 

AoC and Skyblu - You can still have fun circling what you want in books and magazines! I picked up a mamas and papas catalogue a while ago and found myself looking at it twice a day  Have fun girlies, you'll be buying and more importantly using it in no time 

....if only there was a way to share nursery pics, I'd love to see what you're all doing lol.

Lots of luck and LO dust to you all


----------



## Poppets Mammy

CWTBM - Thats so strange, what colour is yours? Your excitement is rubbing off on me, im getting all hyper!  

Someday and Greeniebop - Your mine and CWTBM panel buddies Yeahhhhh  

Xx


----------



## someday

Cantwaittobeamommy said:


> Someday - Where are you in the process hun? What colour are you planning to decorate, I'm hmmming and ahhhing at the mo...I have the Elfie and Mop interior range from Manas and Papas (50% off bargain  ) and want to have a feature wall in the room which is suitable for a child between 0-2, boy or girl....was going to do lime with white polka dots but I think it's more for a boy, then orange with white polka dots and now pale grey with white polka dots....just not sure!


We go to panel next month. can't believe its so close. to begin with the walls are natural hezian and a sandy colour like carpet. That sounds cool with the polka dots. can you do that yourself? I discovered chalk paint in b&q and think its a cool idea. I just worried the kids would think they can write/draw on any wall!!


----------



## someday

Can't Wait said:


> CWTBM - Thats so strange, what colour is yours? Your excitement is rubbing off on me, im getting all hyper!
> 
> Someday and Greeniebop - Your mine and CWTBM panel buddies Yeahhhhh
> 
> Xx


what date do you go? We haven't actually been given a date. Hopefully we will hear from our SW soon.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Someday your decorating sounds very similar to us, we are doing a pale pastel yellow with white wood furniture and a light mocha/beige carpet. We were supposed to be there today but our SW is in hospital   We are waiting for the Oct date to be confirmed but the panel is normally the 1st Thurs of the month, so the 4th Oct perhaps. xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Cwtbam - I love the bugaboo chameleon or donkey for 2 but SO expensive. I also like I candy but not sure how practical they are. Our panel date is 24th Oct as long as we don't get bumped. I'm planning on taking a year off and then going back 2/3 days a week if they'll allow. There is always supply teaching to top up. 

It's so exciting hearing about panel dates, purchases of special items and painting of nurseries, what a happy bunch we are....it's been a long time coming for everyone so it's time to enjoy every single moment.... You've earnt it  

Much love xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Can't wait - he hee  Excited  lol. The quinny is Dark green and lime green, it's nice. My Stokke is Navy Blue....I really wanted a pink one but didn't think it was generic enough   Tempted though, lol. I settled on Navy with a plan to add pink or blue accessories! Let's be hyper together!!!!!!

Someday - Our panel date is 23rd October. I'd be worried about all the other walls in the house with the chalk paint but it does sound cool! My plan is to paint the wall in orange/green/grey and then buy polka dot wall stickers, I've got a thing for polka dots...and it fits in with my Elfie and Mop theme  I am thnking of painting the other walls an off white and adding the Elfie and Mop border, I have a cream carpet and oak nursery furniture so it should work together. I always planned on pink for a girl, blue fora boy but I don't want it anymore as I can't wait that long, lol. Now I've opted for lovely bright colours that are suitable for either gender.

Greeniebop - I used to be in to the Bugaboo before I fell for the Stokke, the Donkey would be perfect for 2 children, an older and a younger then when the older one no longers needs it, its a great single pushchair with a handy shopping basket....hard to push and steer though, although that could have been the limited space in the shop lol. Pushchairs are an investment, I blasted my budget based on that theory  lol. Your panel date is the day after me...let's hope that week is a blinkin good one  I'm taking a year off as well, was going to go back part time, now may go back full time since I got a new job...we'll see. Exciting exciting exciting, I love hearing about all the stuff we/ve all been waiting to do for a long time, it makes it feel real....and we all understand each other!!!! lol x

Something tells me that October 2012 is going to be a GREAT month for lots of special ladies xxx


----------



## skyblu

Oh I so wish I can be let loose to shop 

I saw the pushchair I wanted in a charity shop in May( the mothercare xtreme in red) and it was only £40, it needed a bit of a scrub but otherwise it was perfect, but my mum and myself talked each other out of it in case I jinxed myself  I so wish I bought it now as a new one is £200 but saying that the one in mothercare come with the car seat and I wont need one.Do you think they will sell one without the carseat?
If we do get a pushchair from fc my mum can have it as I have got to have the xtreme as we live in the country and on a hill and this pushchair is lightweight and got a good suspension.

Good luck ladies for your October panel, I'm sure you will all fly through it.

AoC have you heard anything yet? I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who hasn't bought anything yet. 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## AoC

I've heard nothing extra, Sky, just our time on panel date.    Trying to focus on other things until we get really close to the 20th!  *eyeroll*  As if....


----------



## Dreams do come true

Just do it Skyblu....then DH will get really excited and you'll be able to shop shop shop lol. There are lots are bargains on Ebay, some too good to not buy  xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hahahahaha   check CWTBM trying to corrupt Skyblu.

Im really quite supicious and wanted to hold back from any purchases as to not *jinx* anything, but then found too good of a bargin to pass up on. There's loads of great bargains on ebay, gum tree etc Gone were the days that 2nd hand stuff wasn't quality. Everyone seems to sell on stuff instead of throwing away, and alot of stuff is hardly used. Good way of re-cycling so to speak and saving the ££'s. I proper love ebay, used to have my own shop on there and made quite a bit from it - but it took up too much time though, so now just sell on things I dont need anymore or even broken stuff - ppl love to fix things to use or sell on themself. Great way to make a bit extra dosh. Anyway Im rambling now - shhhhhh!

CWTBM panel 23rd Oct, Greenibop 24th Oct then DH and I are off the canada on the 25th Oct - Very exciting week! Cant wait!


----------



## Arrows

that WILL be a good week as that's when we'll be starting intros!!
Lots of happy ladies!
I really, really wanted the Quinny Zapp but got talked out if it by my mum as quite narrow space and we've been told our LO is 'sturdy' and on the 98th percentile. I tested the city mini out in babies'r'us and it was study and you can put it down and up with just one hand. A new one is £210 online rrp £250, the raincover is £21, footmuff £37, bumper bar £21 so £289 in total. I managed to get ours brand new with footmuff and raincover and bumperbar all in original packaging unused for £200 and that was through ebay. Was pretty pleased  . Also got a gorgeous nursery wardrobe for £40 instead of £200 from babies'r'us as it was an older model of a current one and because they'd not had a photo available they'd not been able to sell it. I believe they may have another one back there unsold too (pm me if you want to know where it is)! It's gorgeous. 
Most things we have are second hand, bargains or bought by others. 
My acquaintances and friends continue to surprise me. I informed HR at work yesterday and the lady I've hounded in the past two years to get an adoption policy in place burst into tears of joy for us. Today a friend (who's adopted herself) offered to organise meals for us during intros -not something I'd thought about but really appreciated!) I guess this is why the SWs talk about support network so much -not just once your LO is here but also in the preparation. I thank every one of you on here, old and new for the support I've been given over the past 2years and for the support you'll no doubt continue to give. May I support each of you likewise. Huge hugs to all!


!!!!!PS: a company has added a shopping link to the name of a pushchair above -I did not do this and no idea how to remove this link or how safe this link is, however have informed our thread moderator VEC. !!!!!


----------



## AoC

Okay, now I'm tearful, Arrows!  What a lovely post, and I'm so glad this is coming right for you.


----------



## AnneS

Hi all,

I held back from posting here in case I am jinxing something, but can you please keep your fingers crossed for us? We have big decisions made for us today and I am sitting at work and cannot concentrate.

I lost my last post a million pages back, but I remeber somebody ask for me to post my car seat choice findings (based on Which) - well, i am afraid i have nto got to a decision as it is SO complicated with lots and lots of choices, but if/when I do, I will report back.

Later all.

Anne


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,

So much wonderful news on here lately!!  

Just a really quick one as I'm multi-tasking (badly  )

I keep meaning to leave a quick message about our car seat following recent discussions. I can't rate it highly enough, it's been brilliant and so many people have said they wish they'd paid a little more and got the same one.
It's the Maxi-Cosi Axiss, it rotates through 90 degrees so that you can turn it to face the door when you put your lo in the car or take them out. Believe me, especially when they get a bit heavier this makes a huge difference. It says it fits 9 mths to 3.5 years so lasts quite a while too.
It is a bit more expensive than some of the others but well worth it!

Got to dash, I just wanted to share that info with you,

Anj x


----------



## keemjay

sorry butting in here   anj when they sold the axiss to you did they say anything about it fitting lots of models of cars..i tried to buy a rotating one when we had babybro..so about 4 yrs ago..and i was told the rotating ones are very model specific and didnt fir many models of cars..which i thought a big shame at the time..hoping its changed now...
over and out  
kj  x


----------



## Anjelissa

keemjay said:


> sorry butting in here  anj when they sold the axiss to you did they say anything about it fitting lots of models of cars..i tried to buy a rotating one when we had babybro..so about 4 yrs ago..and i was told the rotating ones are very model specific and didnt fir many models of cars..which i thought a big shame at the time..hoping its changed now...
> over and out
> kj x


Hi kj,

I can't remember now to be honest as we bought it about 2 and half years ago.
Hopefully the newer models have been adapted/upgraded to fit more cars I don't know, I wasn't even aware they were quite model specific.
Very good point though to all you carseat-shoppers .......
.......and a disclaimer from Anj.....I take no responsibility for car seats that don't fit your particular car  ......check with your supplier first!

Anj x


----------



## Dreams do come true

AnneS said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I held back from posting here in case I am jinxing something, but can you please keep your fingers crossed for us? We have big decisions made for us today and I am sitting at work and cannot concentrate.
> 
> I lost my last post a million pages back, but I remeber somebody ask for me to post my car seat choice findings (based on Which) - well, i am afraid i have nto got to a decision as it is SO complicated with lots and lots of choices, but if/when I do, I will report back.
> 
> Later all.
> 
> Anne


Fingers and toes crossed, arms and legs too....I hope that whatever these decisions are that they have gone in your favour. Good luck hun x x x


----------



## Arrows

Anne hun, fingers crossed that they report the decision you're desperate to hear. Hugs -it's horrible waiting for that call back. What did your gut tell you?

AFM, Every day is a day spent thinking about our LO and how our lives will change once he arrives- I try to focus on other things but it's rather overwhelming. Meetings now set up next week to visit FC and Medical Advisor on separate days. The FF emailed all the confirmations of meetings yesterday along with a comment that she's been talking with her supervisor about tentative intro dates. Bit of a mind twister as gone from forever waiting to everything happening at once and all in a spin (like when you're little -very happy but dizzy with it all)!!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Wow arrows, its such and exciting time for you, not surprised you cant get the LO off your mind, they'll be home in no time  

There's so much going on on this forum at the min, there is a great atmosphere, everyone is buzzing and giddy, lovely to read  
I cant help notice that there's a lot of similarities between us all. We've all had our own individual journeys for a family, often involving fertility treatment and devastation during. Theres ALOT of NHS workers and teachers amongst us. Theres also a lot of animal lovers on here, in particular dogs,cats,horses. There's a lot of us who have a love for the country side and camping, and who share an appreciation for the VW camper   And we do all seem to have a very similar out look on life and approach to exciting or difficult situations. No wonder we seem to congregate on such a forum and continue to get behind each other and provide such wonderful support. I am very appreciative of all you lovely ppl and this journey would just not of been the same without you all. Thank you  

XxX


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi Girls, Haven't been on for a while as busy at work but have been keeping up with all your news. 


Cantwait - totally agree with you about all the lovely ladies on here. We have all struggles but come out on Top!!   


Well along with all the buyers on the site.....I bought our curtains today . DH put up curtain pole (too long so a wee bit DIY needed)  and our wee room is taking shape.    Our SW was here last week and we signed papers to go out to the wider world. More progress. And today we got lots of information in through the post from the UK Adoption agency!!!   I feel so happy at the mo. and really hope we wont be waiting too long...Has only been 5 weeks since Panel but I'm still hoping for a LO before xmas - probably a tad ambitious!!!


So, so excited for all of you ( quite a few at the moment) who are meeting their LO's and organising for them to come Home. My heart skips a beat for you. How Exciting and terrifying!!!


Anyways i am rabbiting on. Off to spend some time with my lovely Dh - his mood has lifted recently also. He is sooooo excited at the prospect of finally being Dad. he is even dreaming about it.....anyway i digress....It's great to see so many positive stories. 


Take care all out there...and dreams will come true.    Noodles xx


----------



## AoC

*highfive* Can't Wait.  

Hi Noodles!


----------



## nutmeg

Can't Wait - gorgeous post, here here   

So much excitement on here, good luck to everyone who needs it   

Meeting Swr tomorrow evening to go through our disaster of a PAR so fingers crossed we can make some good progress.


----------



## Arrows

Good luck Nutmeg!!!


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hope all goes well tomorrow Nutmeg!   


Noodles xx


----------



## snapdragon

Hello everyone I have news. 

We met with our sw and lo's sw on Friday and have just heard that lo's sw is happy for us to proceed as are we. We are arranging a meeting with the foster carer hopefully later this week. She did a talk at our prep gp so I know she's really nice and an excellent fc. Bad news is our la have just moved from 2 to 1 panel a month and are booked up for the rest of the year. Looks like lo will be 2 by the time he comes home.


----------



## laura0308

Hi all,

Just wanted to say good luck  to everyone, there is so much positivity on here I am sure it will translate into great news for all.   

In pushchair and car seat discussion we bought the baby jogger elite as it is really roomy, can be opened with one hand and has great chunky all terrain tyres - great for us as we live on a farm.  We also bought maxi-cosi car seat which is okay but our LO is a little houdini and wriggles his arms under the straps (even when really tight), so we are looking for another with a better harness   . 

xxx


----------



## bagpuss1

There are things that you can get to put on the harnesses that make it impossible for them to get their arms out. Have no idea what they are called. I suspect that if lo is getting their arms out of one type of car seat...inevitably they will be able to do it in most others!


----------



## Dame Edna

Laura 

Get yourself one of these to attach to your car seat, you don't need a new car seat!! They really work  . My son doesn't even attempt to get his arms out of the straps now and I haven't got to keep checking the rear view mirrors to see if he is still in his straps. From memory I got mine from Amazon as it was a bit cheaper than buying direct ...

http://5pointplus.com/about/how-does-it-work/

Any questions please ask  
DE x

Ps. My profile picture was taken some time ago and is of DS in his car seat before we fitted the 5 point plus


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi DE  ,
That looks fab! 
Little man used to wriggle out of his arm straps but has stopped doing it for a while now. If he starts doing it again I'll certainly look into getting those, such a great idea!
Anj x


----------



## Dame Edna

Hi Angie  

Yeh, it's really good  . Seems to me that there is a flaw in the design of straps on the most of the car seats where it allows toddlers to do this  .  This should be part of the design so it is impossible for toddlers to wriggle their arms out  

Hope all good with you and Nemo  .
X


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Nutmeg - Fingers crossed your meeting with SW goes well today and is productive towards fixing your PAR.

Snapdragon - Wow fantastic news. Why on earth have they decreased their amount of panels per month when theres so much demand - thats ludicrous. So frustrating that there's delays in getting LO's home due to such red tape. Grrrrrrr   but very exciting that you have a match. You can start shopping Yeahhhhh  

Dame Edna - Great tip, love the look of it, will have to purchase one of those as we don't have child locks on our car doors and thats been a worry. At least if they cant escape their seat I don't have to worry they'll fall out the door  

Our social worker is out of hospital and back to work - thankfully. Glad he's on the mend and recovering but also glad things are moving for us again. We are getting our PAR on Fri to look over at the weekend and to make any comments on. Just hope its up to scratch, some of your nightmare PAR stories have me worried. Have our new panel date for early OCT. Just want it over and done with now, we've been lucky that our process so far has had little hiccups but we are both feeling the strain now. Just need that rubber stamp. Its 2 weeks before we go to visit friends in Canada - Cant wait to be celebrating with them and have a good wind down on holiday  

   to you all xx


----------



## someday

Just had a call from C our sw. She is visiting us on Wednesday with a draft copy of our report. We will have it for a week! She will also do the h&s check. Panel date is 17 Oct!Eek

One thing she did say was the waiting time after panel is hard - now worried we will have a long wait for a match!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

There's loads of us at Oct Panel   Heres to hoping for a LO home early new year   xx


----------



## Arrows

Snapdragon, YAY YAY YAY!!! You must be so, so excited! Wonderful news!! 

We met the foster carer today and got new pictures -he's just gorgeous! Also went over intro dates and all happening very soon! Incredibly excited and counting down the days (as can be seen with new ticker!!)


----------



## watakerfuffle

Evening All!

Wow lots of great news on here, so hard to keep up with it all!

Well another week has flown by and now only 2 weeks untill matching panel, eeek! So exciting and scary. 4 weeks until we meet LO all being well. I have definitely entered nesting mode, trying to get ultra organised before our lives change forever!


----------



## Arrows

Whatakerfuffle -totally agree with you!  Scary but exciting!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Watakerfuffle and Arrows....Exciting times ahead, you'll be meeting your little ones in no time  x

Can't wait...here here,   for approval and super quick matches for us all  Glad you SW is back, are you going to panel before or after Canada? You lucky devil, you have soooo much to look forward to  x

Someday...yay to the panel date, 5 weeks for you ,    for a quick match for you x

Nutmeg...good luck with your PAR x

Noodles...never say never...you never know x 

Dreams clearly do come true...congratulations to those who have LOs, I hope you're enjoying family life. Your posts keep me feeling positive 

AFU....still obsessing over this adoption lark, thinking about it day and night  I spent the weekend throwing all my 'junk' out to make way for our LO. Our Stokke as a home....a whole cupboard to itself (with the exception of my nephews toy box!)

I have cleared to spare room out....going to start painting at the weekend. All I need then is to be approved and to find our LO x

 Lots of fairy dust for us all, I hope our dreams come true very soon x x


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

hi everyone

thanks for all ur lovely welcome comments   

im really looking forward to next wk the prep course, it seems like it makes it more official now.

does anyone no how long the home study lasts? just trying to work out a timescale of things. just a bit excited lol.

hope ur all well.

luck and love to u all.

Lou xx


----------



## bluebabe

Hi guys, just a little update from me xx


It's been almost six weeks now since my lo's came home, they have settled in lovely and have taken ver the house and our lives completely.  Things are becoming easier in some ways and routines are set now.  My heart skips a beat when I hold them, they automatically call me mummy or mama it's amazing girls and I hope and pray that you all get to experience this feeling soon.


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

bluebabe - aww so pleased for u, u enjoy every moment of it    hopefully it wont be long till we all can b living our dream and have a little child calling us mummy   

Lou xx


----------



## snapdragon

Angel mummy: good luck with the prep gp, home study takes about 6 months, I started mine in January, had to change sw's after 2 months due to illness so had a delay and went to panel end July.

Bluebabe: thats so lovely

Foster carer came to see us today, it was really useful as half the stuff lo's sw had told us was wrong. Our la don't usually do meetings with fc's but we asked and she was happy to come. We have a date for panel-7th Dec and introductions early January. Had been told panel would be after Christmas so quite pleased. We miss Christmas but we will have lo for his birthday in February.


----------



## bambinolove

Snapdragon - Fantastic news, it's a shame it will be after Christmas, but still close enough to be the best late Christmas pressie ever!
Bluebabe - What a lovely post!
Angelmummy - A bit late, but Welcome! Home Study varies I think it should be 6 months, ours was 9/10 months (we did have a SW new to adoption and the report though)
CWTBAM - I know what you mean, I have actively tried to get myself doing non-adoption stuff (as really there isn't a massive amount left that I can do until I know what I am doing). Currently I am keeping myself busy making myself a new winter coat, also have a top for me and a top for my sis on the list. That should keep me going until the end of next week!
Arrows / Watakerfuffle - Such an exciting time. I bet concentration levels at work are well down. I know mine would be!
Can't Wait / Someday / Greeniebop - Good luck for the Oct Panel. 
Dame Edna - Great tip!
Nutmeg - Hope the amending the PAR session went well
Noodles - I am like you hoping for a pre-crimbo match, but I feel that hope diminishing daily!   
AnneS - Hope the decision went your way.
Skyblu / AoC - We are the same we haven't bought anything yet, with a range of 2 from 0-6 we've no idea what we could and couldn't buy!
AFU - Nothing major to report, SW is sending our details out to the consortium but so far nothing. Keeping myself busy, I have been lurking but nothing to really tell you all. Loving reading all your positive stories, and the purchases and reviews. When I need to know what is good and whats not last minute I will know where to look!!!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee theres just so much happening    

Bluebabe - Lovely post and glad things are going well and you are starting to settle into a routine  

Snapdragon - Thats fantastic news, will be hard just waiting to start into's over Xmas, but something exciting to look forward to when everyone else is coming down from Xmas and New Year. Bet your friends and family go wild buying things for your LO for Xmas. Eeeek how exciting.

CWTBM - We go to Canada exactly 2 weeks after panel   Can't wait for Oct! Here's to hoping our SW has some profiles for us when we come back in Nov. 

Well we've finally finished painting our "LO's" room, celling, walls and gloss work done! Ripped the old carpet up. Just need a new carpet and a black out blind sorted. Will need to save our pennies for that as all spent out this month now! Woops


----------



## nutmeg

Another one joining you October ladies    finally got our date and it's the 8th October, yay yay yay yay !!!!

PAR reassessment meeting went better than we thought it would and SWr took our "issues" well and seemed suitably embarrassed by the state of it. Anyway he was really positive about everything and said he thinks we will be snapped up once we are on the panel and thinks we will be half way through the matching process by Christmas. I hope he's not getting our hopes up unncessarily but he's experienced enough to know the score.

Watakerfuffle / arrows - exciting, good luck to you both.
Snapdragon - fantastic, hope everything goes smoothly from now on   

  to everyone else, PMA all round x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Nutmeg - Thats fantastic news, so glad they took the critism productively and your finally getting sorted. Roll on October. We've been told the same, we may of found a match and be proceeding by xmas and hopefully Panels and Intros early New Year. Fingers crossed both our social workers are right and may even have a few LO's in mind   xx


----------



## Arrows

Last of the meetings and paperwork finished today, ready for panel in 3wks time.

I've been shattered all week and going to bed by 8pm so off I go -really hoping I get some sleep tonight as exhausted! Very hard to focus on work but at least the lessons I taught yesterday went well in spite of my distraction!


----------



## AnneS

Hi all,

I have literally 2 minutes to be on here - OMG what a roller coaster! We were approved by the matchign panel last week, then everythign started to happen. We will start intros net week, children will come hoem the week after!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEKS

We are struggling to get our work finihsed, but on the bright side, have finished LOs' bedrooms and house is 90% finihsed and as chidl proof as it will ever be.

Have not bought child seats yet ... I don't think I will have the time to discuss our choices here. So sorry!! Good tip: go to biggest mothercare or equivalent and have a good chat with one of the (trained) staff there. Also enquire about a settling-in grant that you might be able to claim costs against (Scotland). take your car if you want to buy an ido-fix type seat as not all seats fit all car makes apparently. 

Good luck to you all, I hope I will ge t mo to report our progress.

I did not even have time to look up responses on my last post (apologies), please feel free to PM me.

Anne


----------



## GERTIE179

Anne that's fantastic news x x


----------



## bluebabe

Oh Anne, have you been matched with two then?  Can't wait to hear xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

I've just spent ages typing a lovely long post and I lost it.....argh!

Bluebabe - Glad your LOs are settling it, I hope you're enoying being a mummy x

Anne - Congratulations on being matched, so chuffed for you! 

Arrows - 3 weeks....eeeeeek! You're nearly a mummy 

Can't wait - Not long until what is going to be a fantabulously splendid October for so many of us  Especially you...panel then Canada you lucky devil x Glad you've finished the decorating...it's exciting isn't it?!

Bambino -  that you getting a very quick match hun!!!!! Fingers crossed x

Angel - HS took us 12 weeks from first visit to last. Enjoy prep x x

AFU - Pics of my nursery  : http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/ (no personal information) just pictures of our nursery which I have just finished. We're waiting for the furniture to be delivered, then have some pics and accessories to put up and it will be perfect!

I can't stop looking at it...I can't stop crying....I am so excited yet so scared....what if I have have set me and DH up for complete devastation  Panel in 5 weeks...I hope it's a yes!!!!!!

Lots of luck and happiness to you all as always x x x


----------



## watakerfuffle

Evening all

cantwaittobeamommy - your room looks fantastic, love the polka dots  
AnneS, wow exciting news and all happening very fast. 


Husband and I have been having a right laugh recording messages for our lo on the tomy photo album, it's actually harder than I thought! 

Hope your all well


----------



## Dreams do come true

Thanks Watakerfuffle  When do you meet your lo? x


----------



## bluebabe

Waterkerfulle we were the same but it was definitely worth it, our lo's look at them everyday xx


----------



## watakerfuffle

cantwaittobeamommy, we have matching panel to get through first and then all being well   meet lo in a few weeks time


----------



## nutmeg

Great news Anne, good luck with it all   
Good job on the room cantwaittobeamummy!!
Well no final PAR on Thursday or Friday for us    Don't suppose that's too much of a surprise though really! Hopefully today, we still have second opinion visit and another chat with DD to have before panel, 3 weeks today.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

Just had a call from SW and hoping to have first draft of PAR with us on Thursday (hope it makes it as I know some of you have had real issues).

Hope you are all well

Greeniebop x


----------



## nutmeg

Yay, good luck Greenie, hope it's a good read   

Ours did indeed turn up today and was thankfully in a much better state and was a very positive read    thank goodness - it was really lovely. Only problem is that panel date has been put back again    now it's 22nd Oct, which is only a couple of weeks later but still we were originally told August so every delay is difficult now! But as compensation he has said he will be considering children for us prior to panel.


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

cantwaittobeamommy- ur room looks fantastic, wont b long till u have ur little one 

i start my prep course tomorrow, im excited but nervous. starting it makes it all feel real now and that the adoption journey has officially started.

hope ur all well, love to u all   

Lou xx


----------



## Arrows

Cantwaittobeamommy -the room looks great! A good idea using flickr and hope you don't mind, I'll copycat you!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/sets/72157631568742151/
This is our nursery so far -need to get a blackout blind and planning to copy images from the cot bumper onto the walls to make it more fun. Got the single mattress in there so I can sleep in there the first one/two weeks to help with transition.

Life is rather frustrating at the minute as very hard to concentrate on work. I'm constantly bored and/or distracted! 
I've got to write lesson plans but so far procrastinated for the past 2hrs. 
We've had two electricians round today and another due on Friday to quote us for installing an electric shower - the one quote I've been given is £150 higher than I'd wanted. Hopefully we'll get better quotes from the other two -got my fingers crossed anyhow! Trying to get it sorted before the little-un arrives so only got a few weeks to organise it all.
My 2 best friends called me Monday to ask say they were canceling our final pre-child games night (a regular occurrence) because the were throwing me a baby shower instead and would I please write a list of who to invite!  Totally shocked and overwhelmed with the thoughtfulness of it and now really excited about it too. They've even moved it from a Friday to a Sunday to allow my family an opportunity to make it. 

Counting down the days to meeting him -23days...


----------



## Poochie1111

Hi everyone


Just bobbing on quickly.  I just don't get any spare time to pop on here at the moment and I'm always so shattered in the evenings.  I haven't had chance to read back all the pages so apologies as I know I'm bound to miss some big news.


Arrows - can't believe matching panel is creeping up so fast!!!!  Glad your meeting with the FC went well.  It made such a difference to us hearing about our LO from ours.


Cwtbam - love the photos of the nursery.  I bet you keep popping your head round the door every two minutes to sneak a peak!!


Watakerfuffle - We ended up not putting messages on Tomy as we ran out of time believe it or not.  Apparently our LO seemed more interested in the photo of our cat than us!


Nutmeg - at last you have your PAR!!!!  Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm sure last time I caught up a few weeks back it was delayed even back then?


Bluebabe - lovely to hear your update.  So glad everything is going well. It's the best feeling, isn't it?


Anne - congrats on being approved by matching panel


All going well at my end.  Our LO is now in her 4th week of being with us. Today she crawled for the first time.  It was so exciting to see. She seems to be coming on in leaps and bounds. Something new everyday. Hang on in there ladies.  I'm so tired all the time but I love it!!!!


----------



## bluebabe

Poochie it's lovely to hear from you, the time is just flying past.  I went to my local children's centre today and when I was talking to one of the staff I told her they were adopted and she was amazed, they are forever hugging and kissing me she said they have completely bonded with me it was lovely to hear xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

CWTBM - Fab job on the room, just needs a little person to fill it full of joy (and toys  )

Bluebabe - Thats fantastic, great to hear they have settled in so well  

Hello everyone else, hope your all well and moving along smothly  

AFU - We received our PAR on Fri, its fantastic! Really pleased with it, our SW has done a great job, it really comes across how well they've gotten to know us and theres also a little humour in it which we love. There was a few minor inaccuracies like dates etc but weve highlighted them and its getting sorted. Overall really chuffed, was a little worried after the carry on Nutmeg has had recently, but we can relax now (well a little anyway  )


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

hi, sorry for just a quick post but prep course went well was so nervous as im quite shy around new people. i was the youngest one there im 29 so was the baby lol.....

wonder if anyone could give me some advice?......we have been asked to take in next wk a baby photo of ourselves and something that is precious to us, im struggling to think of something anyone have any ideas? really appreaciate any ideas.

Lou x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi Angel Mummy - I was only 26yrs when we did our Prep so I was the baby of the group too   Take a keep sake or something small, no doubt it will be part of an excersise to demonstrate loss. They'll get you to show your baby photo, maybe discuss early memories it prompts, explain your item of importance then take them off you and ask how that makes you feel. They did a similar thing to us at Prep, its just to get you thinking about the loss the kids have suffered by being taken into care and alot of them dont have photos or keep sakes to help them remember their early years/birth family and that can have an impact on their identitiy etc, dont put too much thought into the item, its only a prop in the lesson (its not a test to see whats important to you or anything like that). Hope that helps


----------



## bluebabe

That's it exactly can't wait, I took a bottle of Molton brown bubbly bath haha xx


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

cant wait - thank u for ur help it makes it all clearer now lol...i was thinking of taking a photo of my nan who passed away last year as she was my rock and ment so much to me, either that or a pottery pot my 8 year old niece made me. just didnt no if that was something they would accept as i dont have much that i could use as with moving around alot from when hubby was in the army i lost so many things   . thank u so much for ur help i really appreciate it.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Arrows - so glad you put pics, I was hoping someone would  Love your nursery, pefect for your little bundle of joy...he'll love it  Your post bought a tear to my eye.....a baby shower, eeeeeeeeeeeeeek!   23 days....almost 22! Yay x

Watakerfuffle - good luck for MP x

Nutmeg - Glad you've sorted your PAR issues, I hope your final one's perfect x

Greeniebop - I hope your PAR's ok x

Poochie - OMG! I hope I get a child young enough to enjoy a special moment like that...it must have felt magical x

Bluebabe - Aaaaw that must have made your day x 

Can't wait - Glad you're happy with your PAR, it's amazing how much our SWs get to know us isn't it?!

Angel mummy - Glad first day of prep went well....I was the youngest on mine to, I was 27, DH 32! I took photos of all my loved ones and my DH took his teddy bear from childhood  Enjoy the rest of prep x

AFU - 4 weeks 6 days until panel! I love our nursery....just waiting for the furniture to arrive, I go in the room morning and night...I've started doing my ironing in there...ironing makes me happy now  PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE say yes at panel x

Good luck everyone!

p.s. post Flickr  x


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

cantwaittobeamommy - thank u, seems i wasnt the only one who was the youngest at the courses then lol......think i have made my mind up now photo of my nan will b my precious item   x


----------



## someday

Exciting news all around here. 

AFU SW has just been to collect our PAR which she left with us last week. It is great apart from a few typos and a couple of inaccuracies. Apart from meeting her boss for a second opinion we are all set for panel 4 weeks today eeekkkkkk She is really positive and has no doubts that everything will be absolutely fine.

We also got a ppi claim back at the end of last week - almost 4K!! This is amazing and I was bouncing around the room with excitement


----------



## nutmeg

Wow Someday, a great week for you   

Angel mummy - a picture of your nan sounds perfect x

Cantwaittobeamummy - it must be lovely having your nursery all done. We have all the furniture from dd but the cot bed is still in pieces under our bed and the room is FULL of dd's old clothes that I need a few days to sort through - guess I should get on with that   

Can't Wait - glad your PAR is fab x

Poochie - great to hear from you and so pleased everything is going well. And yes, you are right we've been waiting quite some time for the PAR.

Arrows - ooooooh not long, I don't blame you being distracted, I've already been distracted for months   

Bluebabe - it sounds like things are going brilliantly for you, so pleased your lo's appear to be attaching so well.

AFU: SWr is coming to review PAR for final checks tomorrow and we need to email photo of the 3 of us. Second opinion visit booked in and SWr told me today he's already starting to consider children for us because of the delays


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi guys,

Just a quick one as on phone. PAR arrived today (a day early!!!). It sums us up and shows that she has got to know us well. There are quite a few errors but they are mainly friends' names and dates etc. apparently DH lived with one of his mates...news to him we've just got to correct errors and email it back and then it's panel in 5 weeks. So nervous now, even though PAR is lovely. Think it's just natural to worry.

Hope you are all well and I promise to catch up on your news when I get on the computer next xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

P.s. SW has asked for photos but that's all she has said. They have a passport photo of us. Any ideas? We had god daughters to stay a few weeks ago, could it be that? Have emailed her but thought I'd ask you guys as lots of knowledge in here x


----------



## skyblu

Wow There is a lot going on here, so many posative stories.

Angel mummy, I took my snoopy, I have had him since I was 2yrs and still sleep with him 38yrs later 
My dh took a photo of his father who past away 15yrs ago and was very close to.
A photo of you gran will be fine.

Greeniebop, I don't know if it is the same, but we had make a little photo album of us for panel. It was photos of myself and dh growing up,  when we got married, our house and garden and neices and nephews and anyone else who will be in our childs life.

AFU, As some of you know we had to wait 6/7 weeks for our ratification which is way beond the BAAF guide lines which is 7-10 days, we have been told by our SW that we are within our rights to make a formal complaint.


----------



## AoC

We're approved!!!


----------



## watakerfuffle

AoC - whoo hoo fab news


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congrats AOC x


----------



## Anjelissa

Huge Congratulations AoC     That's wonderful news!
Anj x


----------



## bambinolove

Congratulations AoC!!!


----------



## AoC

Thanks guys!    Excuse the terse announcement, I was on my phone, and it's a bit unreliable on the web.   

We're absolutely over the moon.  When the panel chair came in with the decision, she looked grave, and said there were some issues... we thought she was going to reject us, but she just wanted to tell us about some of the things they talked about.  I nearly fainted when I realised they'd said yes!


----------



## Arrows

Fantastic news AoC -you must be totally over the moon!!! Go out and celebrate! 

PS. My countdown the other day totally forgot to include 6 days -clearly I have 'baby-brain'! 
28days today we hopefully start introductions with our little man.


----------



## AoC

That's fantastic, Arrows!  Not long now....


----------



## Anjelissa

Arrows....not long now and your life will change forevever!  (make sure you get some lie-ins and early nights while you can   )

AoC....Our panel was the same, to the point that our SW was quite annoyed and later filed a complaint against them due to how badly we were treated throughout    
They chirped on for ages about 'issues' (really ridiculous ones at that!  ) and then when they saw our faces and me close to tears the chairperson said, ''oh no...don't worry Congratulations, we are pleased to tell you it's good news'')
I think he was on a bit of a power trip  , either that or just plain totally ignorant and out of touch with how it feels on the other side of the fence!
Don't start me off about panel lol     !! or I'll rant on for ages!!
The important part is the end result hey....and once again...HUGE congrats to you hun    

Anj x


----------



## GERTIE179

AoC woo Hoo congratulations! It's a great feeling isn't it x

Greenie - our SW asked us for photo for panel but then didn't chase and we fine. Sometimes they like to circulate a "couple" photo to let panel get you iykwim 

Arrows - so not long now yippee!

AFU - waiting waiting waiting
Had a few issues with agency lately and they and SW have been super thus far so hope it's not a sign of things to come?!?

Sorry ladies I'm on Phone so hard to keep up with all x


----------



## Poochie1111

AoC - Whoo hoo!!! Congratulations on being approved. Just thinking back to all the years I've known you on FF.  Well deserved lady!!


----------



## AnneS

Ladies,

excuse the brief post and no personals. We met our children today - wow. I am absolutely cream crackered! But happy, oh so happy!!

Unbelievable.

Good luck to all of you. It is so worht it!

Love and   

Anne

P.S. Irishlady are you reading here?? Thankyou thankyou thankyou. Guess where we had lunch today?? P's Y!!


----------



## liveinhope

well done AOC may the next bit of your journey be short.

Congrats to Anne too, meeting your child is such a precious moment!

All good with us, Mr Snuffles has been home almost 6 months and it is looking more likely that his little brother will join us early next year.  We must be gluttons for punishment lol!  But its great being a mum, and I love it


----------



## blueytoo

Congratulations AoC!

Anne - what a wonderful day for you!


----------



## nutmeg

Woo hoo congrats AOC, fab news   

Arrows - the next month will pass so quickly, eeeeeek!!

Anne, just amazing, hope today was amazing and the rest of your intros goes brilliantly.

AFU - a crappy day at work but a fabby day with SWr. Another meeting to iron out the PAR and it was really really positive. Just a few things to iron out and now he's going to redo again, I've emailed our pics and our comments and then he's going to leave it a couple of weeks before he reads again. It was a really positive experience today and it's gotten me really excited again. He had a look round the house again which I wasn't exoecting and we had laundry on the bathroom floor and messy bedrooms    but all was good. AND, he's already considering children for us   
Nothing to do now but wait for 2nd opinion on the 2nd and panel booked for 4 weeks on Monday.


----------



## skyblu

Sorry Ladies for last night post, I some how posted and then I crashed and couldn't get online 

Firstly- Massive Congrats to AoC, may you have a short wait for ratification and a short wait for your lo. 

What I was trying to say last night was, our SW is saying that we should make a formal complaint on waiting 6/7 weeks for ratification when the guide lines are 7-10 days. I was just wondering have any of you waited a long time for Ratification and if you were in our postion would you also make a formal complaint ex specally when you have you SW full support. Any comments will be greatfully received.

Anne, how amazing may your intros continue to go well and your lo's will be home with you soon.

Skyblu.xx


----------



## AoC

Thanks everyone!

I know, Poochie.    It's been a long road, but it's so lovely to be here.   

That's fantastic, Anne!  

Wow, Liveinhope, that's great news!

Brilliant, nutmeg, so glad it's turned around for you.

FWIW, sky, yes I could make a complaint.  You can be constructive, polite and assertive, and follow your SW's advice, but yes, I really would.  Hugs!


----------



## peacelily

Skyblu - just a quickie as I'm at work but we are making a formal complaint at the length of time it has taken us to go to Panel this time round, and the number of delays and admin errors we have suffered. Again, we have the support of our SW (she is independent so this helps!).  Go for it, they really have to improve their processes.

Peacelily xx


----------



## bluebabe

Skyblu I would deffo complain, your sw may have had trouble chasing your ratification up as well so u will be backing them as well, it's disgusting. Making you wait this long xx


----------



## bambinolove

Hi

Just a quickie for Skyblu, I agree with the others, you have to make a complaint. They need to know how these things affect you, otherwise nothing will ever change. Good luck.


----------



## Poochie1111

Skyblu - I would complain as you can help change things for others that follow you. We had to wait 4 weeks and our SW was so embarrassed. It was the longest she'd known. 7 weeks is quite unacceptable. You start to worry that there may because problem. The wait is stressful enough as it is.


----------



## skyblu

Thank you Ladies, Your comments are very helpfull.  I told dh about making a complaint can only help others after us.
I think maybe in the back of our minds we feel do we really have the right to complain when we already knew we would have to wait until January before they will match us, That is why I thought it was taking so long until we saw our SW and she was so disgusted and she had been chasing it up for weeks but kept on having excuses about people being off due to holidays and then it was because someone had left, but she did reassure us that we were approved it was just a case of getting the letter.
I don't know about the rest of you, we had a questionnaire with our ratification letter about how we felt the panel was for us. In this I did say that we thought it was disgusting that we had to wait nearly 7 weeks and that our panel date was cancelled 3 times, I thought that would be enough but apparently not. So our SW is coming out next week with the complaint forms and we will make a formal complaint about the panel being cancelled three times.

I just hope they wont make us wait too long for a child, this waiting is the worse bit and it is worse now we have been told they are not waiting until January to match us.

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

AoC - Thats fantastic news, congratulations on being approved   Now you join the others in the dreaded wait. Heres to hoping for a quick match  

skyblu - I think its great that your social worker is helping your complain. They are obviously sick of unneccesary obstacles in their job making the process slower and slower. Good luck with it  

Hello everyone else  

xx


----------



## Arrows

Skyblu, do complain in my opinion.

New pics on flickr with updates of the newly decorated walls.  
http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/sets/72157631568742151/

/links


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Just bookmarking for when our journey starts all the beat to all who are already on their way


----------



## Dreams do come true

Arrows - gorgeous! Who ever painted it is very talented


----------



## Arrows

CWTBAM, Thank you! The elephant is based on a picture but the rest my friend and I drew and painted ourselves. Now the debate is what to do on the final wall -the cot will be there and in future the bed.
Suggestions so far are:
Monkeys bouncing (to look like bouncing on a bed)
hippo, crocodile, toucan, panda, warthog, tortoise...
We could do animals peeping out from behind a tree, a watering hole or animal race...

What do people think? Any other suggestions?


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Love it Arrows. Do you hire yourself out!!!!! I think you are going to put us (well me anyway) to shame with your creativity 

I hope everyone is well. Not enjoying this rain  

We had to make LOTS of corrections and amendments to our PAR but SW was lovely about it and (I think and hope) it is all done now. So now its count down until panel. I can't believe how quickly the time has gone. It seems like there are quite a few of us on Oct panel count down Here's hoping its a good month.

Its lovely to hear all of your stories of meeting little ones, waiting to meet little ones and updates on your little ones. I only hope that DH and I get to join you in the future.

Well books marked, planning done so I think its about time for a veg in front of some trashy TV. Greenie xxx


----------



## bambinolove

Arrows - gorgeous room hon! 

Greeniebop - glad PAR is coming together

AFU - I need a whinge! Finally managed to get a photo of DH and I to SW last Mon for our consortium flyer, (apparently pics of me in a strapless evening gown are exposing too much flesh! I had a wrap on. I hope they don't think that when we have kids I will never wear a strapless top / dress again? I'm 37, not 67!). Anyway, I sent SW an email yesterday just asking whether we were to see it before it goes out or if it had already been sent out, to be told it was waiting for the typist to return from holiday! I mean how hard is it to type up one page? A colleague of mine wrote a lovely pen picture for the PAR, I was under the impression that was to be sent to the SWs? Its been 5 weeks and nothing has been sent anywhere! Anyway, I know there is nothing you all can do but I know you all understand so came to have a rant to you lovely people! Thanks for letting me vent!

Have a lovely evening!


----------



## bambinolove

Update - received, checked and sent out to the consortium... fingers crossed we have some responses soon!


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies,
We have our information evening tomorrow, can amyone tell me what we should expect.
Feeling nervous!!
Many thanks xxx


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love: If I recall correctly I think its the same la I went through, so I will tell you about my info session.

We arrived, signed in and waited for someone to take us to the room the meeting was in. We could get a coffee if we wanted. When evryone had arrived they started, the manager was there and 2 sw's from the team. They talked about the process and gave some examples of the children currently waiting for a family. They asked if anyone had any questions and that was it. Really nothing to be nervous about. Some people had bought the form in from the information pack and they collected them, but I didn't and had to send it in later.


----------



## watakerfuffle

Unanimous yes @ matching panel whoo hoo really going to be a mum now!! Meet LO in 2 weeks time


----------



## Unconditional-love

Snapdragon, Yes its me using the same la as yourself, i am following your story and hoping for a very happy ending for you, or should i say begining!
Thank you for the info that has helped a great deal, i shall take my forms as it will save me mailing them, i actually did forgot about them so thanks again. Can you remember how long the meeting lasts, just deciding weather to have tea before or after.  
U-L x


----------



## liveinhope

well done waterkufuffle, enjoy all that comes next


----------



## GERTIE179

Congrats waterkerfufle - enjoy your prep time x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Congratulations! Gosh not long for you now untill a LO comes home forever xxxxx


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love:might not get this in time, can't remember how long it lasted but wasn't that long, sure we ate after. We had a bit of a bad time after approval with matching. I think part of it was getting used to a new sw. I don't think they are using independent sw's anymore so you shouldn't have to change. My sw believes you should have a gut feeling the match is right (she talks a lot about fate and things being meant to be) and actually when we saw the details of the lo we are matched with we did so maybe she was right.

We are waiting for a date for child appreciation day which is a get together of lo's sw, our sw, health visitor etc. We are going to email today to see if there is any news.


----------



## nutmeg

Great news Watakerfuffle - the next 2 weeks will fly by for you    
Bambino - so pleased your details are out there now, fingers crossed for a speedy match.
Unconditional - hope you enjoy your info evening tonight. Don't let it put you off if there's a bit of an emphasis on the negative stuff!
Greenie - yep I'm there with you for Oct panel, hoping we all have the best news.
Snapdragon - hope you find a convenient date for you all soon.


----------



## peacelily

Nutmeg, Greeniebop, Someday, Can't Wait - October Panel for us too    who else is with us?

Arrows - love your nursery   

AoC - congratulations!

Peacelily xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi everyone,

Just a quick one to say I'll shortly be joining you all (again) on the rollercoaster as we are planning to start the process off for littlie no.2   

We are just at the information gathering stage atm as are unable to go with our own LA this time, but hope to kick things off properly around January time.
We so far have an Info Eve with one LA to attend in Nov (with a possible 2nd Info Eve the same month), so it's a good start   

Here we go again.  ................  

Love Anj x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Angelissa - Had to post and send the best of luck for finding you second LO (though am SURE you won't need it) will it be quicker if via the same LA as your lil boy was from (because they've already done the work so to speak) xxxxxx


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi Bubble, lovely to see you here  

We are unfortunately unable to go with our LA this time as they are only taking on prospective adopters who can take sibling groups of 3 or more, or children with special needs.
Although it will be easier in some respects as we have all the info our end to use easily (which took ages to gather up the first time), it will be unfortunately a bit like starting from scratch I'm afraid.

Anj x


----------



## peacelily

Bubble85 said:


> will it be quicker if via the same LA as your lil boy was from (because they've already done the work so to speak) xxxxxx


Hi Bubble85 - it hasn't worked that way for us  we're going for number two with the same LA as number one, and a year after applying, we're still waiting to go to Panel


----------



## Anjelissa

PL   
I'm angry for you   
Anj x


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Gosh, I can't help but say (in my lovely haven't started the process so have no real idea of what lies ahead) that seems stupid, LA's have children desperate for loving homes, and even when they have already agreed someone is perfect to make that childs dream a reality, if you want to open your arms to another LO they forget everything they've learned about you and make you go from scratch   

Good luck on your journey Peacelilly hope they don't keep you waiting much longer xxxxxxxxx


----------



## peacelily

Thanks peeps, it's not worth DH & I getting cross about - we hit the jackpot first time round with DS - but just occasionally it makes me want to    DS keeps asking when his baby is coming home, as more and more of his friends at Preschool have siblings, and he's even asked me "why can't the doctors fix your tummy, Mummy, so you can have a proper baby"


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Aww bless him, children ask the most open questions don't they. 

Ps apologies I've hijacked the thread a little was only meant to be book marking untill we are in the position to move forward xxxx all the best to everyone hopefully ill be joining you nearer the new year


----------



## crazyspaniel

Hi everyone, I've been reading your posts for ages so thought it was about time to join in! DP and I have been approved to adopt 1 0-5 year old to join our family, we already have a lovely 8 year old BS but were unable to have any more children. We were approved in Aug at which time we also had to change SW, although initially SW came to visit us with numerous profiles she has been very difficult to contact since. Have currently been waiting more than a week for the medical report of a LO whose CPR we saw 3 weeks ago, am now beginning to feel very frustrated/upset having managed to stay relatively calm through the home study etc. Also we have still not received official ratification from panel, Sw says not to worry as decision was unanimous. Needless to say I am worrying!!!
We were shortlisted before we went to panel for a LO but have now been told to look at other children as LOs SW strongly likes another couple on shortlist, are they not supposed to visit everyone on shortlist and not make up their minds by what they've read...? Just feel frustrated as all these profiles were dangled under our noses 3 wks ago and now all has gone quiet! I know I'm probably being v impatient but can't help it!!! Any words of wisdom would be gratefully received


----------



## aaa is a MUMMY

Hi everyone I had just popped on to say hello and let you know I am still around, just don't seem to pick up the computer very  much anymore. We have been away for a holiday in Cornwall had an amazing time and Bubba loved it, the wetter the better   
Anj so excited for you Good Luck can't wait to hear how the journey moves forward xx
Good Luck to everyone else sorry for no personals as I would be here for a week  trying to catch up, stay strong xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi AAA    
I'm not on here as much anymore, so I know what you mean about being hard to catch up!
Glad to hear you had a lovely holiday  . We love Cornwall and it was where we took Nemo for his very first holiday, like your lo he loved it!
Thank you for your good wishes, 
Love Anj x


----------



## Frangipanii

evening all! Just wondered if I can join! might be a little early as just choosing agency at the moment. The one we want to go with might not accept us as we are 15 miles outside catchment area!! We wanted to move you see but realise that we need to stay near support network! All three agencies have been to see us and have invited us to apply, so just have to wait and see! Dh is presently lying next to me reading about forever families!
I guess we got a while to wait though and its early days but just wanted to say hi.
Wx


----------



## snapdragon

Welcome crazyspaniel and WaitingX.

Not much happening here, spoke to our sw yesterday, linking meeting is 10th Oct, should hopefully be just a formality and child appreciation day not until end Nov, just before panel. Been looking at what to buy but will wait to after panel.


----------



## Frangipanii

any one give me an idea as to how they examine  finances. We have £1350 per month after bills and we have no mortage. Any idea if that is enough! please and thanks x


----------



## peacelily

Sounds fine!  You will have to complete a spreadsheet detailing outgoings eg. utility bills, transport expenses, groceries etc, against income, so you can prove it, and they may ask to see bank statements. They'll need to see that you can manage on just one salary (assuming you are the one who takes time off to look after you little one(s).

Hope this helps,
Peacelily xx


----------



## Frangipanii

thanks Peacelily, that puts mind at rest!! think we can manage that! Your journey sounds exciting!!


----------



## AoC

I'm reading the CPR of a potential link.  *wiggle*  Too excited to think straight!


----------



## Anjelissa

AoC,

That made me chuckle, I bet you're dancing around the room in excitement!     
Can't wait to hear more!!  

Anj x


----------



## peacelily

AoC said:


> I'm reading the CPR of a potential link. *wiggle* Too excited to think straight!


How exciting! Hope it's the one  I remember when I first read our DS's CPR


----------



## Anjelissa

Same here PL   
It's true what they say, we both got a sudden rush of excitement and emotion and just felt really strongly right there then that he was our Son.
I can honestly say (however crazy it sounds) that we loved him right from that moment. DH was even a little tearful bless him  .

AoC.....lots and lots of luck   

Anj x


----------



## snapdragon

Aoc: how exciting, hope it works out


----------



## AoC

It's been killing me.  We saw a sumary sheet for this LO the week before panel, and wanted him right there and then.  His SW has read our PAR and today we got sent his CPR and some more up to date photos.

The worst thing is DH is away till tomorrow afternoon!  Argh!  Communicating by text, but I want to SHARE!

Thanks for everyone's excitement and good wishes.    You're my sanity.


----------



## CKay

AoC - exciting!  

AFU - I posted a while ago and we're still in the same position really, but there's a small update.  We've been going to a few information evenings  -one with a LA and one with a VA.  Just rung another LA and they were so lovely on the phone.  Now waiting on their info pack to come to us to complete then go to their open evening.  They were so nice it already feels right I don't know if that's a bit nutty    of me but I think it must help.  I so hope we get accepted on this process I really do!  Hugs all happy Friday CKay xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Helllooooooo

No real time for personals...I'll be back with them soon.

Watakerfuffle.......YAY! Congratulations x x x x

PL........I'm at panel on 23rd October 

AFU SW has 2 profiles waiting for us  (10mth and a 2 year old), she has our profile ready to circulate on panel day, she says she's doesnt need to wait for ratification, she wants to get us linked before xmas and MP/intros early new year. To say I am excited is a blummin under statement! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK  

Good luck everyoe, LO dust for you all x


----------



## skyblu

AoC, I hope it is the one for you. Good Luck.
AFU, we are still waiting, no profiles as yet. This waiting is agony 
Sorry for no personals.x
Skyblu.xxx


----------



## Arrows

Skyblu, it so hard waiting and waiting -in a way it would almost have been kinder to wait longer to get approved so you could get right on with looking instead of  this way round where you waited, got approved, then are having to wait more. :-( Not fun.

I'm struggling to focus at work still and I'm not always treated very nicely there -which occurred again on Thurs- so not very happy. They've also underpaid me by £500 this month which is quite frankly disastrous as just paid out £600 for the plumber and electrician based on the money I THOUGHT was in the account. Worse still, this is the month that really counts as it contributes towards my adoption pay for the next 6mths so screwing it up now is really, really bad! 
Had a really, really low day on Thursday but going to try and get some work done this weekend and get back ontop of things.


----------



## AoC

I hear you and sympathise, Arrows.  ((((((hugs))))))  I'm cruising in the direction of redundancy or being forced into a job I don't want, and sometimes it really gets to me.  The plus side is that redundancy pay would be equivalent to about 6 months adoption leave on a good rate, so we could cope if we had to.  And if I go on adoption leave before it all gets to the final stages, I'd be protected somewhat.

But in any case it makes for some very depressing times at work, so I've got buckets of sympathy for you.  

Hope things get better soon.


----------



## Frangipanii

Afternoon ladies! aint work dilemmas a complete mare!! I dont work as too time off for ivf but now i am wondering whether to step back into my career until i get further down the line! Just dont know what to do......I am going to be a full time mum (hopefully)so it wont be permanent  but its a difficult one. 
What time scales where people given? We are hopefully choosing our agency tomorrow..just wanting to to see about a catchment area issue and then go from there, time massively seems to depend on agency or am I wrong!
Sorry to hear what you are going through Arrows, and you Aoc. Seems like we have all been through enough so it is really painful when something else comes along. 

We were thinkin of moving away and then realised that would selfish on our hopefully to be children and now we are staying put but still thinking of getting a bigger house not sure if that will delay anything!! we can speed things up though if we need to. we can buy and rent the one we are in out... so much to think about! But I seem to be happier then I was when I was doing ivf!! so thats something. 
sorry for my long possibly boring message! Hi to you all and hope everyone is ok x x


----------



## nutmeg

AOC - anymore news? Keeping everything crossed for you   

Cantwaittobeamummy - ooooooooh sounds exciting!!

Hope everyone is well. We're at panel 3 weeks today and have our second opinion visit tomorrow


----------



## blueytoo

AoC - so exciting for you!

Cantwait - also very exciting for you!

Nutmeg - it's really speeding up for you now! So pleased for you.

AFM, I have my fifth and final home visit on Thursday and my social worker is bringing my draft PAR for me to read through and amend. She will come back one more time to speak to my DS. My medical is in two weeks and I have a provisional panel date in December.


----------



## AoC

Thank you.    No news, we're seeing our SW again tomorrow, at an Exchange Event, so we'll discuss then.  But we did receive our DM ratification, so we're pleased that came through promptly.


----------



## peacelily

blueytoo said:


> AFM, I have my fifth and final home visit on Thursday and my social worker is bringing my draft PAR for me to read through and amend. She will come back one more time to speak to my DS. My medical is in two weeks and I have a provisional panel date in December.


You see, that's how they should do it (logically!). We had to wait some 4-6 weeks for our PAR after HS finished (actually, it may have been longer - it's all taken so long this time round I've lost track  ) glad things are progressing well, Blueytoo.

Nutmeg - hope your second opinion visit goes better than ours - the SW (who'd not done one before) said, "so, what sort of questions did you get asked first time round?"  Honestly, the whole thing's been a complete farce!

Peacelily xx


----------



## AoC

Yes, hope it goes smoothly, Bluey!  Sorry, I'm a bit self-absorbed at the minute, and keep forgetting to say the things I'm thinking.  *eyeroll at self*


----------



## Frangipanii

morning ladies! Prep course booked, agency chosed and on our way we go.... 
love to all x


----------



## AoC

Woo Hoo!  Congrats, Waiting!  

*waving to all*  

If anyone's having an anxious moment (like me!) let's do this together:-

Think of a flower, your favourite flower.  Imagine the size and shape of it, the soft furl of its petals, perhaps the joyful exuberance of its colours.  Hold your flower in your mind and breathe deeply.  Conjure up its scent, the feel of a soft summer breeze on your face as you bend to sample it.  Breathe deep.  Let your shoulders relax.  Does the breeze ruffle your flower's petals, make its head nod?  Perhaps a bee (if you like them!) visits your flower, a slow, humming bumblebee, softly furred and dusted with pollen.  

Keep your flower with you in your mind all day.  Breathe deep.  Let your muscles unlock.



(Mine was a sweet pea)


----------



## crazyspaniel

That's beautiful AoC, will be carrying a bright red poppy with me through the rain today!


----------



## nutmeg

Bluey - indeed things do seem to be speeding back up now after our little hiccup.
Peacelily - I can't believe that of your second opinion visit    Actually I can, as you've had such a rough time of it. Good job this wasn't your first time or I assume you'd never g through it again    Fingers crossed it works more smoothly from now on.

Our second opinion visit was good, was with a lovely social worker we've had before and she wrote a lovely report on us. Our final final PAR was dropped off yesterday and of the photos I gave him he picked the goofiest     But apart from describing DH as "dependant" rather than "dependable" it was great and it's finally all come together. He's calling into work to get it shortly. Plus and this is the exciting bit: he's put us on a collabarative event for meeting adopters etc on the 16th. So we'll be able to see some of the children the 4 local authorities are looking for placements for and family finders will meet us, yay so excited   
If anyone has been on these events I'd love to know more?


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi everyone!

I posted on here a while back, but went a bit quiet as had nothing really to tell (spent 4 months clearing a loan before proceeding)  Anyway, all clear and our lovely SW came out today and we have been invited to formally apply   She said she will be sending letter/form out tomorrow and once we return it she will start the clock ticking!  We are invited to prep which starts in less than three weeks, and already have first two HS appointments booked in!!  So happy, it's finally happening!!  Quite surreal after years of waiting.

I wanted to let you all know I have loved reading all your stories the past few months.  They are so positive and give me so much hope.  Wishing you all your happy ever after.

I look forward to posting on here more often now we are finally up and running!

Positive vibes all


----------



## blueytoo

Hi all

Update after my social worker came today. Found out that my LA have started to do concurrency and she thinks I am perfect for this. My DS has the veto though as it could potentially be absolutely devastating for him if the children get returned. Also they have several sibling groups in mind for me already, all with second babies to be born around November/Christmas/January, some will be in this concurrency group so could be placed at just a week or so old and some aren't. But that part is all down to the next social worker who takes over after approval panel and of course the family finders and the children's social workers.

She has now interviewed both my ex's and seen/spoken to my 3 references. She is coming to see my DS on Tuesday night and then probably now just one more visit to make a final decision on top end of my age range and go through my PAR. She said it is nearly finished but she had some questions here and there to fill in gaps so asked those today, then will put in about my DS I guess and then we should be done.

Nutmeg - glad your visit went well and that the PAR is much improved!

Lolly - wow things are really moving quick for you - this is fab news!


----------



## AoC

Well done Lolly!  That's such a good thing.    So pleased for you!

Good luck, Bluey!  A colleague was going to meet her new grandson the other day.  He was five days old.


----------



## Arrows

Hi all, payroll have admitted their mistake and I'l be paid properly on 25th Oct along with all the backpay I'm owed. They're also going to work out my adoption pay based on what I worked each week, not what was paid last month, which is a relief.
I'm coming down with a cold so hoping it clears by monday as do not want panel or my birthday to be rubbish.
Roll on Monday!


----------



## Flash123

Hi everyone, 

I can't believe that at last I am actually posting on this thread and not just stalking you all - as I have done for months. Things are moving really quickly with us, though I know this is still early days and I am sure there will be hurdles along the way.   We only sent in our initial enquiry in aug and already we are on the nov panel ( we're offered a place on the sept panel but had to decline due to family commitments ) have been allocated our sw, have started our hs and medicals are booked for next week. We are doing weekly sessions and she is aiming  to be done in FOUR MONTHS !!!!! We are in Wales and have been asked to be part of a New pilot scheme which should be exciting.

Our social worker seemed fab and seemed to 'get us' straight away. 
Hey lolly, looks like we may be treading this path together  

Take care all
Xxx


----------



## AoC

That's lovely, Flash, and welcome!  

*waving to all you lurkers*  I hope you join us soon.

Thank goodness, Arrows!  Fingers crossed it all goes through smoothly and your cold goes away!


----------



## HannahLou

Hi girls!

Hope you don't mind me popping in on your thread but I too am I lurker!! I think if I've done it right my history is in my signiture so I won't bore you with it again! Me and the OH are half way through prep course at the minute and loving every minute! Hopefully the plan is to join a 'foster to adopt' scheme which our SW is pushing and the prep course has pretty much cemented for us that this is what we want to do  wish there was a fast forward button for us all ladies!! 

Hope to talk to you all soon

H x


----------



## nutmeg

Good news Arrows   

Welcome Flash and Hannah.

Anyone done an Adoption Exchange day before? We're going to one and would love to hear more about them.


----------



## GERTIE179

Hey all
I'm still about just all a bit quiet and frustrated with the waiting ATM.

Hi to all newbies x

Nutmeg - been to 2 exchange days recently so let me know if you have any Qs as happy to share my experiences.

X


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi all!

Flash, nice to have a virtual bump buddy  

Thank you for the positive vibes everyone, we are very excited.  Sadly the great news of Thursday was very quickly overshadowed by our cat going missing.  I know it is only a couple of days but I know my cat and this is so out of character.  We have spend all night and day looking and are now fearing the worst.  I hate seeing DF cry.  He was our baby when my body failed to give us one.  We loved him too much.  I am aching inside, it is horrible.

Sorry for the sad post, I just feel rubbish and so lost right now


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi guys,

Just a quick one from me as its been a while. I'm still around, just crazy busy at the min. Cant wait for things to quieten down in a few weeks after our holiday. Panel in 5 days, thankfully Ive been so busy that Ive not had any time to worry myself about it so thats good  

Lots happening at the min, I'm trying to keep up to date when i can but I'm failing terribly I'm afraid.

Hello to all the lurkers and the newbies  

 Lolly, hope he's just got himself locked in a neighbours shed or a garage and will make an appearance soon full of meows and an hungry belly.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Really sorry to hear that lolly, hope he comes back soon. He has probably got locked in somewhere. Our furbaby is our 'child' too so really feel for you Hun x


----------



## AoC

Lolly, I completely understand how you feel, I'm so sorry!   Our oldest kitty has been very ill this week, and we were thinking she might die.  Lots of hugs for you, and I hope he's just locked in somewhere.  Are you going to do a door-to-door of neighbours, asking them to check sheds etc?  

Welcome Hannah!  Lovely to 'see' you and I hope all goes smoothly for you.  

*waving*


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thanks girls, its awful isn't it?  Scary how much you can love them.  AoC, i hope your kitty gets better, it is horrible to see them suffer  

We have knocked on all the neighbours, walked for hours.  He has been a monkey before and got locked many places which is why we got a mini tracker on his collar.  So we press a button and the remote lights up if he is near.  We have found him before using this, but sadly not this time.  This is why i am not too hopeful, as we have bleeped all the houses and garages we can and nothing.  I just can't understand it.  He is super nosey so now I'm wondering if he has got into a work van or something?  My mind is racing, I want my baby back


----------



## HannahLou

Thanks for the welcomes 

X


----------



## VEC

Nutmeg have you seen this thread on adoption exchange? http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=295286.0q

X


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Lolly,

When our cat went missing a friend told us about ******** pages for missing pets. We found one that was for our town. Someone recognised the photo and even though it sadly wasn't the happy ending we wanted but we were reunited. It may be worth a try. Thinking of you x


----------



## AoC

Somebody high five me...    We just brought our first 'proper' item for LO.  An all-terrain pushchair.  Thank you eBay!  LOL!


----------



## Dreams do come true

AoC said:


> Somebody high five me...  We just brought our first 'proper' item for LO. An all-terrain pushchair. Thank you eBay! LOL!


High five! Woooooooohooooooooo. It's feels blummin good doesn't it, lol


----------



## AoC

Thank you Can'tWaitTBAM!


----------



## crazyroychick

Hello ladies, wonder if any of you can help me, my DH and I are looking into adoption now, my hubby has 2 kids from a previous marriage and barely sees them as his ex is a nightmare and has totally poisoned them against him, he is absolutely heartbroken about this and we were wondering if we will have a problem if his ex bad mouths him to SW? Otherwise I see no reason we wouldn't be accepted but really worried about this, thanks xx


----------



## Arrows

As part of the homestudy the SWs will definitely contact his ex but as long as there are no concerns about him being a danger to children it should be okay -also if you give them lots of positive references and testimonies from friends with children about how good he is with them, then the good will hopefully outweigh any malicious comments. Good luck with your application!


----------



## crazyroychick

Thanks Arrows, he is amazing with all my friends kids and is so gutted about not seeing his own kids just wish things were different between them xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

He is home!!!!!!!!!  Thank you all so much for being so kind.  I know you all understand how much our fur babies mean when IF denies us our own.  Anyway, we were putting up posters and in a random cul-de-sac found a very run down house with an old cat flap... Just walked around the garden on the off chance and as we were passing we just looked up and he was staring at us from the upstairs window!!!  We were so overjoyed but then had to work out how to get to him.  Knocked on neighbours doors and turned out the owner has been living abroad for last 15 years and the guy who tended to the house was an old widower who sadly died last month.  Rang police about breaking in and they said RSPCA.  RSPCA wouldn't come out until 5pm tomorrow as they had to take him as stuck/missing from the time we found him, so 5pm today.  They then respond if he is not home in 24hours from that point.  I argued that he is a home bird and we hadn't seen him since Thursday so he had been there days without water or food.  She was having none of it.  So loooong story short, with the help of kind neighbours an open catflap and long arms, managed to open the door and rescue him.  Not good, but at same time I couldn't leave him.  He had heard our voices and was stressed and trying to get out.  He had managed to shut himself in the room though.  So thankful he is home.  Thank you all again so much for the support.

Wooo AoC, I am loving your news!!!   

Lolly xxxxxx


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hello everyone!

Welcome newbies  

Glad to hear cat is back safe and well  

No the feeling big time re buying things for lo, we have lots of things arriving in post for lo. It's so exciting!

Well this is it, our week, the week we meet our little man. Feels so surreal at the moment, such a mix of emotions. Excitement and scared stiff!!! Anyway just 4 days to go eeeek will let you no how we get on  

Take Care x


----------



## Flash123

There are such lovely things happening on here at the mo.
Lolly - thank goodness. We lost our a few years ago - he was stuck up a tree for a week, the doppy bugger!!! Ended up getting a tree surgeon to get him down, we lived on a main road at the time and we had to get police permission to shut the road!!!! It cost us a fortune but that's love.

Watakaffuffle- I dream of this moment and it seams like a lifetime away at the moment. Enjoy every minute x 
Aoc - woohoooop bring on the spending lol

Take care everyone else xxx


----------



## Arrows

watakerfuffle, I'm sure everything will go really well -you must be thrilled but nervous at the same time!

We go to panel lunchtime tomorrow and have spent all day today in bed with a cold, in the hopes I'll feel a bit better tomorrow. We've gathered up the fabric photo book we've gotten for him, a tiger snuggle buddy and the paperwork we need for him. We had bought a tomy photo album too but the batteries they provided leaked so doesn't work -really annoyed but just found out that toys'r'us do them so if I race for the opening time tomorrow I'll have it ready before we leave at in the morning. 

Tomorrow is also my birthday (29) and have a meal planned with friends in the evening -really hoping it's a double celebration and that the following week we'll be following Watakerfuffle and meeting our son.  My mum rang today asking if I was okay or nervous etc -I responded that I was full of cold and hadn't been able to really think all day which is the truth! Although it would be a first, I'm fairly certain that they've forgotten my birthday in the adoption excitement.

Anyhow -I'd better get to bed. Night everyone. x


----------



## AoC

WOOO HOO Lolly!  And I would have done exactly the same.    Our kitty is also much better - for a while we thought she'd used up all her lives, but she's definitely on the mend.  I'm so glad yours is home, and no doubt being spoiled rotten!   

Oh wow, watakerfuffle.  Just such an amazing time - GOOD LUCK!  And don't worry.  It's not a pass/fail scenario.    (this is my new mantra!)

Best of luck, Arrows - not that you'll need it, I'm sure!  I hope your cold improves soon, and the photobook gets sorted.    

I'm so excited and happy for everyone!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Happy birthday and all the best for tomorrow Arrows. 

X


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Best wishes for tomorrow Arrows, hoping you will be having a very happy Birthday (feel better  )

Thanks ladies - mummy has sprouted grey hairs this weekend i'm sure   

Aoc, glad your kitty is on the mend, poor little thing.

Hope you have all had good weekends, on to another monday morning, but little steps towards our babies!! xxxxx


----------



## skyblu

Happy Birthday and best of luck for tomorrow Arrows.

Lolly , I am so pleased your kitty has been found, I have one who is 13yrs now and about 2-3 times a year he goes missing for a day and night, where he goes I don't know but he allways comes back, touch wood he hasn't been on his jollies this year so maybe he has finally grown up .

AoC Well done on your purchase, I am itching to buy something but SW says not to bother as in our la they insist that a cot and mattress goes with the child and they normally give away the pushchair too. So we don't need to buy those two items. Trouble is I want a certain type of pushchair as we live in the middle of nowhere and there are hills every where and I need a light pushchair with a good subpension. I have bought a few bath toys and a cuddle rabbit I sleep with so our sent will be on it when it is given to the child before he/she meets us. DH is begin a pain in the   as he agrees with SW and want to wait until we know what sex and what age we are matched with. 

Flash hi, I have had your msg and yes I do remember you. Any time you want anything just send a msg 

Night night ladies

Skyblu.xxx


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## AoC

I know what you mean, Sky - we have a cot that a friend has given us, and I was really fretting about a pushchair, because we don't have any, you know, pavements, and we have a lot of, you know, cows.... *g*  Plus, frankly, we're looking for bargains because, while we can afford to have kids, we will be on a tight budget, and I want to keep our savings for rainy days, emergencies and adoption leave!  And bargain hunting can take time.

Worse than that, I was getting really confused about all the options, and it was starting to feel like a pass/fail scenario where everyone else (i.e. 'proper' Mums) knew all about it and I didn't.  Then my best friend said that buying a pushchair became a symbol of everything she didn't know about being a Mum, and that HER friend had said it was a nightmare and made her feel ignorant.... and I realised I WAS a proper Mum (okay, Mum to be, then *g*), and we all felt that way.

And she also said, "you don't have to get it right first time.  If you get one and it doesn't work out for you, you can always put it back on eBay."

Which was really liberating.  

So if your LA are giving you a pushchair, then you can use that initially, and maybe get another later on, when you're really clear what you need?    We're going to have two, anyway, the one we've bought for walks and for local, and a lightweight one for nipping in and out of the car or shopping or visits.  From my research, mind, it looks like the ones with the good suspension are the ones which are heavy to carry, but easy to push.

I really wanted an all-terrain one that folded really small, but no-one seems to do one that hits the spot.

Sorry for epic post!


----------



## AoC

(And I've been really good about not buying stuff right up to this point.  )


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All,

Sorry I've been missing for a while... combination of too much on, and finding it hard going with all the waiting. Glad to see so much happy news on here, and Hi to all the lurkers / newbies.

Arrows - Happy Birthday for today and fingers crossed for the panel (although I am sure you won't need it!)
AoC - Congratulations on your first purchase, how exciting
Skyblu -    I know what you mean, I would love to buy stuff but with the age range we have we just don't know what to get. Until then the room is painted neutrally and will be accessorised when I can!
Lolly - Glad the fur-baby is back home and safe now
Waterkerfuffle - Good luck for this week, such an exciting time!
Can'twait - Good luck for panel
Gertie -    I am feeling your pain! Hope we both get matches soon.


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Lolly - I love that you found your cat safe and sound, and the random story about how you found him - hilarious  

Flash - also love your cat rescue story, funny  

AoC    Well done on taking the plunge into purchase ville. Tee Hee   youve just described pretty much exactly what I went through before buying our Pram. We must all go through similar phases.

Arrows -   and good luck   for today. Sounds perfect having a meal to celebrate, enjoy  

Hello to everyone else, well feeling run down has offically turned into being unwell   Im feeling really sorry for myself, hope it clears by panel or they will be getting a snotty red nosed version of myself


----------



## Arrows

We are now the proud parents of a 10mth old baby boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BEST, BIRTHDAY, EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## AoC

WOOO FREAKING HOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  Congratulations, Arrows!  What a WONDERFUL birthday!!!


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Had to come out of lurking! CONGRATULATIONS ARROWS


----------



## snapdragon

Congratulations Arrows and Happy Birthday. 

Nothing new here, linking meeting on Thursday, hopefully a formality. Had intro plan emailed today, to start 9th Jan, intros to last 8 days, shorter than I expected.  It seems so far off but I have so much to get done in the house so maybe just as well.


----------



## VEC

Arrows just gatecrashing to say thats just fantastic news!  Lovely.

martha x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Huge congratulations Arrows. What an amazing birthday present. You will always remember this birthday. So so happy for you x


----------



## peacelily

Huge congratulations (and happy birthday!) Arrows    sounds like your little one has a December birthday...be prepared for the madness of birthdays and Christmas close together   


Peacelily xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

CONGRATULATIONS ARROWS!!!!!       

What a very


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations Arrows! and Happy Birthday x


----------



## Flash123

Fantastic news arrows- what a fantastic birthday prezzie

WOOOOOOOHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO xx


----------



## HannahLou

Congratulations!!! Fantastic news, get the champagne open! X


----------



## watakerfuffle

Congratulations Arrows thats fab news  

Thanks for all my good wishes


----------



## GERTIE179

Arrows that's excellent news - happy celebrations x


----------



## nutmeg

Arrows - so so pleased for you    Huge congratulations and happy birthday too.

Watakerfuffle - good luck.

Lolly - so pleased your kitty is back home.

Gertie - thanks for the offer, I will probably message you about the Exchange Day and VEC thankss for the link. After following the link and reading about it, I decided maybe we needed the "flyer" type thing so asked SWr who said "ooh yes good idea - here's a sample"    So anyway, that's this weeks job!

Hello all


----------



## blueytoo

Congratulations Arrows!!


----------



## Flash123

Gertie, I'm researching tht at the mo for our portfolio and would be really interested in what you discover


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## Frangipanii

Congratulations Arrows. wonderful news!! much love to your forever family!!!

Application sent in now and just waiting to hear what next!!! should be prepcourse i suppose but not sure!!!
love to all x x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Came home to our official application form on the door mat, woooo!  Also SW has emailed session one homework - (wow!!) - finace spreadsheet, checklist of official docs we need to produce and chronology.  I have emailed my HR about pre adoption leave entitlement and apparently I am entitled to it paid but they haven't specified how much, just says a 'reasonable amount' and to speak to my manager and give as much notice as possible.  So prep course 2 weeks wednesday and HS starting a month today... gearing up to spill the beans tomorrow... Eeeeek! 

Thanks again all, my kitty is crashed out on the bottom of the bed as if he has never been away  

Hi to you all, seems a very busy forum at the moment


----------



## skyblu

WOOOOOH WOOOOOOOOOOOOOH ARROWS CONGRATULATIONS AND A MASSIVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU  
BEST BIRTHDAY PRESSIE EVER I'M SURE.

SKYBLU.XXX


----------



## VEC

Gertie/Flash, there's a brief thread on NAS, try here:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=192661.msg2999401#msg2999401

X


----------



## Flash123

Thanks vec - just ordered 2 books, 1 that was mentioned on the link


----------



## bambinolove

Congratulations Arrows!!! Now thats put a smile on my face! Lovely start to the day. Its been a long couple of years but finally you're going to be a Mummy! Best birthday present ever!


----------



## Anjelissa

Just wanted to add my congratulations to Arrows!!     
What an amazing Birthday present!
Lots of love to you all in the Arrows-house   
Anj x


----------



## Duckling

Just a quick one to say: Arrows massive CONGRATULATIONS!!!  
Love from Duckling x


Loads of luck everyone else. You will get there and it IS worth it. X


----------



## AoC

*hyperventilating*  SWers visiting on 17th about a potential link.

I may have to curl up under the desk and gibber, now.


----------



## Mamaji

Arrows: congratulations what more could you ask for as a birthday pressie   

Aoc: woohoo amazing news!!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Breathe Aoc, breathe....!!     That is fantastic news!!


----------



## Flash123

Aoc - WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO xx


----------



## AoC

LOL, Lolly!  I'm practicing my deep breathing!

Thanks guys.    We're trying not to build castles in the air, but....


----------



## blueytoo

Great news AoC!


----------



## Anjelissa

That's brilliant news AoC!
How are you going to last until 17th!!?   
You're going to be a wreck!!    

Can't wait to hear more  

Anj x


----------



## AoC

I AM a wreck.... ggg  I was tearing my hair out with my boss yesterday, saying I'm going crazy with this, the current workload, and approaching possible redundancy/definite reorganisation processes.  He said - and he's an Associate Director, no less - "yes, but there's only one important thing in all that."

(And yes, he did mean becoming a mummy)


----------



## snapdragon

Good luck for next week Aoc, hope it goes well.

They had the matching meeting today for our lo and apparently it went well and the match is agreed. It was a formality really but we had a bit of a problem with the manager over a link previously so pleased she is happy with the match. Had been told it was tomorrow so bit of a bonus. 

Trying to arrange a meet up on Sunday for our prep group but so far only one couple can come, sad to find out they were pulled at panel at the last moment as their PAR needs to be completely rewritten and they now have panel in December on the same day as our matching panel.


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi everyone,

I'm still very new but am forever lurking to follow your storys.

There is so much great news on here at the minute  it really fills me with joy and hope!

We had our info evening a few weeks ago, there were 3 social workers present, and they just talked about the process and whats involved. They spoke about some of the children waiting for families, some very sad storys. I was supprised to hear there are over 100 children waiting in foster care for there forever families in my district (wakefield). It was all very basic and over in an hour, there were around ten couples there and we really enjoyed it. 

Just received a voice mail today from the LA, so i rang and we have our initial home visit on wednesday 17th october. Soooo close. I'm very scared as i may forget something so i may roughly write my life story out so i get it right

Snapdragon-Just want to say thanks for the help you've been giving me i really am greatfull. How are things with you? are you looking forward to meeting lo.

congratulations to all you ladies with celebrations and good luck to eveyone on there way to making their dream/dreams come true.

xxx


----------



## Unconditional-love

All that and i forget to ask everyone/anyone for any advice or tips for our initial visit on wednesday


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love: glad the info evening went ok, 10 couples is a lot. We had about 5 at ours. Don't worry about the initial interview. The sw will go through a form with some pretty basic questions, age-range, support network (she will ask about your family and if you have any friends with young children)  etc. Ours only lasted 45 mins but we were pretty straight forward, no previous partners. We didn't need to know any dates or anything like that. Don't know if you saw my previous post but things are going well but stilll seems a long time to Intros in January. By the way don't worry if you read what I said about a couple being pulled from panel as their PAR needed to be rewritten, they are not using that sw anymore. To speed things up they were using some independent sw's but they have pretty much stopped. Ours is the only one they have kept on to do a few more and thats because she is brilliant.


----------



## Arrows

yay snapdragon!!!


----------



## GERTIE179

Aoc - excited for you. We are similar and trying to contain as we have seen quite a few profiles now but not yet been able to go to linking for various reasons (mainly location).

Snapdragon - yeah!! Just think of all the things you can get done as you know when LO will come home. I know it will feel like a lifetime away but it should fly in with Xmas nights out & baby stuff shopping :-D

Unconditional love - welcome. Our initial visit was similar to SDs only lasted about an hour and we just kept talking through nerves!

Lobieloo - waitings awful isn't it. I was ok until Aug and since then I've found it extremely difficult but alas I think we may have hope again so fingers crossed for you

X x


----------



## nutmeg

AOC - Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh everything crossed for you.

SD, congratulations, so pleased everything has gone well now   

Welcome Loobie.

I've done our flyer so ready for next week.


----------



## Loubieloo

Hi gertie, thanks and good look to you too x the waiting is soo awful but good things comes to those who wait! God I hope they r right!! X  
And thanks nutmeg xx


----------



## HannahLou

Unconditional love: our initial visit was a little bit more stressful, two social workers came and stayed for two hours! They looked around the while house and garden and told us about the health and safety issues that needed to be addressed etc etc but it was still a good experience si don't be put off  they also met the dog and asked about support networks, who would have maternity leave, basic stuff really! They told us then and there we would be on prep course though which was a bonus. 

Third day of prep course tomorrow, stumbled into mothercare today and got a bit giddy!

H x


----------



## skyblu

Just a quicky, Yeeeehay Aoc good luck for the 17th and................breath slow deep breaths. lol.

Loubieloo, I so know how you feel. The waiting is the worst part. I am sure it will all be worth it in the end.  

Unconditional Love, Dont worry too much about your visit, just be yourself and I am sure you will be thinking what you were worried about when they have gone.x

Skyblu.xx


----------



## bluebabe

Hi everyone, sorry for not being on and keeping up but I've got my hands full as you can imagine with two little monkeys haha.


Well it's ten weeks today since my babies came home and we were hoping to send off the official application to adopt today, well our new sw is so dozy it is really frustrating.  I asked a few weeks ago to give us a copy of form so we can start to fill t in.  No such luck so it won't be till next week during our statutory visit.  We have started to complete online as we found the correct form on adoption uk but its not the point, she is paid to provide the support to us.


Anyway, back to the important ones.  Lo's are amazing, every day is different, some challenges at times with older ones but on the whole life is pretty good.  Hope you are all ok xx


----------



## AnneS

Hi everyone,

sorry for being out of touch for for so long, but our LO's moved in and we are SO busy!! Basically what bluebabe just said before me applies! 
They are both so cute, but also have settled in rathr well, so are now starting to 'test' us... fun and games!!!

Will be back with more news later. Hope you are all well. We are trying hard to establish routine and a "normal" every day life - hahaha!!!!

Anne

P.S. I think I asked before, but ae you (Bluebabe) anywhere near sunny Scotland


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Well just a quick one from me today as . . . . .

     We are Approved


----------



## Anjelissa

Can't Wait.....Huge Congratulations to you both!      
Hope you're out for a celebration meal tonight  

Anj x


----------



## peacelily

Great news Can't Wait, congratulations!  We're up next week   

Peacelily xx


----------



## snapdragon

AnneS: lovely to hear from you, glad things are going well.
Can't wait: hugh congrats, hope you get a quick match


----------



## Arrows

Can't wait, huge congratulations! 
Peacelily, good luck for next week.


----------



## Cheeko

Hi hoping i can join in.
We have only very recently started the adoption process...  We emailed our initial application on 3 rd October & had our sw meeting today...  She was lovely & was here a couple of hrs going through it all. 
Got a phone call a few hrs later to invite us on prep course in a couple of weeks  
All v quick so getting nervous now not sure what to expect.


----------



## GERTIE179

Excellent news on here recently!

AnneS & bluebsbe - love to hear your updates (I'm sunny land too!)

Arrows & sky blue - how r u doing with the waiting now? 

Hi to peace lily , greeniebop, angelissa & snapdragon and anyone else I have missed x


----------



## Sparkle JJ

Hi All

I love reading everyones news but I'm more of a lurker normally but thought I would share our news.

Our SW has just left after our last home visit and we have been given our panel date for end November! Now I'm excited and and nervous in equal measure!!!!!

Hope everyone is doing okay on this crazy journey xx

Jx


----------



## nutmeg

Congratulations on finishing HS Sparkle.

AnneS and Bluebabe - great to hear from you and to hear how well things are going   

Welcome Cheeko

Can'twait - woo hoo - congratulations to you, hope you find your perfect match.

Peacelily, in case I forget, good luck for next week, we're up the week after


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hi All

Husband and I met our new son today, words can't describe how I feel but I am absolutely smitten! Gorgeous baby boy and more than I could ever of wished for. 2 weeks to go and then home for keeps! Hang in there as it really is truly worth it!


----------



## HannahLou

Congratulations watakerfuffle! Lovely post to read Two weeks will fly by, have you bought everything you need?! Toys R us splurge may be needed!

H x


----------



## Loubieloo

Hi skyblu, thamkyou so much for your support the waiting is torturous  
Wattercuffufle am soo happy for u both just fab newz enjoy and savour every moment   xx
Hi to all u other guys sorry not good with remembering all names xxx look forward to reading more of your adoption journies cause it sure is one crazy process we all on but all good


----------



## rosie pie

Hi ladies, I am been lurking for a while and loving your stories. Our prep course starts tomorrow so am excited and nervous.

watakerfuffle - what wonderful news may I ask how old you son is please?

thank you


----------



## snapdragon

Naughty husband had bought a sweater for lo, we don't have matching panel for 2 months!


----------



## Arrows

Welcome to all the newbies, 
Snapdragon -huge lol!!


----------



## watakerfuffle

Rosie our lo is nearly 15 months. Spent more time with him today and he is just amazing, such a happy chappy!


----------



## rosie pie

That is so wonderful, I am delighted for you, you have filled me with inspiration    When does he come home?


----------



## Cheeko

Hi
Does anyone have any tips / advise for prep classes? What to take any questions that are good to ask etc....
Any help appreciated  
It's encouraging seeing everyone's stories.. Seems so long off... 

Thanks 
X


----------



## watakerfuffle

Home in less than 2 weeks! Exciting times x


----------



## skyblu

Congrats Cant Wait, Welcome to the dreaded waiting.lol. I hope you have a quick match 

Skyblu.xxxx


----------



## Flash123

Woooohooooo can't wait - hoping your lo finds you soon xl

Watakerfuffle- reading that reminds us newbies of the wonderful pot of gold that is at the end of this rainbow. Enjoy your little cherub xxx

Hello everyone else and wishing you all a lovely weekend.
Afu- medicals done. Gp part passed, just have to wait and see what the la medical advisor says - fingers crossed.

Xxx


----------



## HannahLou

cheeko:

We have just finished our prep class, the last one was yesterday and it was a really good experience. We met lots of lovely couples in the same boat as us and did lots of comparing notes! we all swapped numbers at the end and are going out in a couple of weeks. We did lots of group tasks dealing with things like attachment and abuse, then at the end we wrote all our adoption worries onto a balloon and the social workers took them from us and said that all our worries are theirs which was nice, so all in all, a fantastic 4 days! Just enjoy it  

H x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Cheeko... we have the same prep course dates!!  Hmmm... I wonder...   

Watakerfuffle, that sounds amazing! You must be on cloud 9, you will enjoy every second.  Big   for you and LO!

Congrats Flash!  What did they ask you out of curiosity?  I have heard many different accounts from being poked and prodded, to the doc just filling in a tick sheet!

Massive CONGRATS Can't Wait!  What a brilliant weekend you will be having!! 

Hi to all!  Not much to report (11 sleeps til prep!!)  Meeting my manager on Monday to tell her we are starting the adoption process.  Thought I better seen as the official application form asks if the can contact out bosses... that would be a suprise!  Nervous and not even sure why!


----------



## Cheeko

Thanks everyone. 
Lolly I'm not sure where ours are yet...  Not had our info pack it's all bit last min!
Hopefully Preston or Manchester 
I've not told my manager yet going to wait until after prep.
Cheeks


----------



## snapdragon

Cheeko just to say you don't need to take anything with you or do any preparation. The best part is meeting other couples in the same boat and my only advice would be to take phone nos or emails, we have made good friends with one couple who live close to us and this also goes down very well with panel.


----------



## Flash123

Lolly - mine and dh were completely diff even though they were the same surgery. Mine was far more thorough but even that only lasted about 10/15 min. She let me do the questionnaire section and didn't even discuss it. Then did my weight, height, reflexes (i wasnt expecting that and I hadn't shaved my legs - typical!)  and checked my breasts and stomach. That was it.


----------



## AnneS

Evening all,

well we have well and truely dived into parenthood and as Dh is still off work and at home, all days merge into one and I did not even notice it was saturday until I stood in front of the closed post office!! d'oh!
This blissful state of affairs will of course change soon and the poor kids will be in for a nasty shock, when there are not tow adults playing with them 24/7   .
We will do routine and discipline and schedule and all those nasty things!!
Anyway, we are very happy and our children are both very sunny characters. i cannot believe we finally made it. It feels really strange writing here, where I spent so many many years pouring my heart out!

Wishing you all the very very best on your journey - it is definitely worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anne


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thanks for the info Flash.  Sounds the type of thing we are expecting.  Well done, another thing crossed of the list!!

Anne, that sounds so lovely.  Congratulations on having your wonderful LOs home at last!

I think people think I've gone a bit mad.  I'm ringing, texting and arranging meetings like mad at the moment - all to ask people to be our referees - but of course they don't know that, and probably wonder why I am suddenly so desperate to speak with them early on a Sunday morning    

10 sleeps til prep!!


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi everyone! Ive not been on for a while as have been very busy at work. Now on holiday and feel as though adoption wait is never ending.... We were approved at the beginning of August and have been on a high most of the time. Passing panel makes you think that u will definitely be parents. Yet nothing is happening...we've contacted our sw and a few authorities and well we've been told we need to WAIT! The problem being Ive been trying and waiting for nearly 5 years to have a child. Will it ever, ever, ever happen   


So fed up. DH not wanting to go any holidays as we're saving money so I can have more time off work when LO arrives. Feel as tho I'm stuck in a rut  Any advice to fill my time??  And to top it all off keep thinking another xmas/new year without a family.  


Thanks Girls - a bit of a rant there. So fed up and a bit angry that this is my life   Havin a bad day....


Noodles xx


----------



## trying4ababy

Hi to all.  What amazing stories you all have. Congrats to those who have just been approved, matched or taken their LOs home.
I have two info sessions booked in November, one with a LA, one with a VA! We are wanting to adopt a 0-2year old.  I am starting to babysit twins aged 10 months, so hopefully that will be good for childcare experience for the agency.  We are however a bit stuck on what experience DH should get.  We do not know anyone that he can baby sit for.  What kind of child experince did your DHs (or male partners) get that satisfied the agency?
Many thanks
Nic


----------



## HannahLou

Trying4ababy- my OH hasn't been asked for anything, just the general family, cousins etc but I don't know if that's because I'm a nursery nurse so they are just counting on me? I know some people who volunteered at a playgroup for a few weeks  

Big hugs noodles! You will soon be able to look back on it all and be giving everyone else advice on what to do when waiting 

H x


----------



## Arrows

Trying4ababy -we go to church so my DH volunteered and helped every other week with the 3-5yr old group.

Noodles, I know the waiting totally sucks, but I PROMISE that when you find your child and get linked it then goes so crazy fast that you feel dizzy!

I've just sat down after clearing all but the balloons away from the amazing baby-shower my friends organised and exhausted! It was great and now feeling rather real. 3 days left of work, 4 days till we meet our little man.


----------



## nutmeg

Watakerfuffle - how amazing for you   

Anne great to hear from you, so pleased things are going well.

Noodles    hope your match comes soon.

We've had a ROTTEN weeks, which included me doing my back in by waving    and then falling off a chair I was standing on so I'm in agony. Plus work has been an absolute nightmare. And the worst of it all is that my 17 yr old cat was put to sleep yesterday morning


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh Nutmeg   I'm so so sorry    Sorry you have been having  a rough time, thinking of you


----------



## bluebabe

Anne s I'm in Liverpool hunny xx sounds like your having lots of fun xx


----------



## Flash123

Ohhh nutmeg, I am so sorry to hear your news, sometimes life is just ****  
Our fur babies break our hearts. Sending you hugs xx


----------



## bambinolove

Noodles -    24 hours ago I was the exact same way, I have been filling my time in doing anything that will keep me busy since August. The waiting has felt interminable. When I thought we would never hear anything, out of the blue, I have just got an e-mail from the social worker to say that they have been sent info about 2 sets of children and are asking for their CPRs. They may not be the right ones, but any news is good news. You will get that phone call or e-mail and I really hope its soon hon.   

Arrows - OMG - so exciting, I bet there isn't a whole heap of concentration on work at the moment!!! 

Nutmeg - So sorry to hear your news. Hope you are feeling better soon.

AnneS -    lovely post

Waterkerfuffle - Such exciting times, lovely hearing the updates.

Can't Wait - Congratulations, everything crossed for a quick match.

AFU - As you can see from the note to Noodles, what a difference 24 hours makes, we have two possible CPRs to read hopefully soon and it has put a spring in my step. I am hoping and    that one of them is a fit for us.

Some news whether they work out or not is better than no news. 

  to anyone who is waiting. It really and truly is the worst part.


----------



## Anjelissa

Nutmeg, big hugs for you   
I know how heartbreaking it is as we sadly lost 2 of our much adored fur-babies (aged 21! and 11) within a year of each other a few years back   
We were totally devastated  . 
I know it doesn't help much, but as others said to me when we lost our little lady at the ripe old age of 21, 17 is an amazing age for a cat, and I'm sure from how much you loved her that she had a wonderful life full of fun times and affection.  

I'm thinking of you and sending lots of hugs x x

Anj x


----------



## snapdragon

Greeniebop: It sounds to me that you really want a younger child and that as you have not been approved yet it might be best to wait a bit longer. I don't know what your age range is so difficult to advice, eg 0-2 or 0-4 might be quite different in the compromise at the top end. I knew as soon as I saw our lo, 3rd profile I saw but not everyone feels the same. We were approved for 2 and a half to 5 year old but ended up being matched with a child who will be 23 months on placement.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi everyone x

Greeniebop - good luck with panel. How exciting that you have a profile already  I agree with Snapdragon, it sounds like you really want a younger one. Our sw has 2 profiles for us, if they are still available after panel...1 is 10mths the other is 2yrs, our age range is 0-2...deep down I want a younger one. I have my heart set on the 10mth old, but then I don't know how I will say no to the 2 yr old. So hard.I guess all you can do is go with your heart x

Nutmeg - BIG HUGS   I have 4 furbabies and they are my world, I lost one of mine a few years ago and I was devastated. Thinking of you honey x

Bambino - Eeeeek, fingers crossed for you hun x

Noodles - hang in there, you're lo's haven't found you yet, but they will  x 

Arrows - exciting times ahead 

Anne - sounds like your lo's are doing well, enjoy family life 

Cheeko and Lolly - enjoy prep x I took a notepad and a pen that was all  x We finisged prep beginning of June, and go to panel in 8 days! Time goes quickx

Can't wait - WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! congratulations honey x 

AFU -we're at panel 1 week tomorrow, so nervouc just keep thinking what if, what if, what if  Any one have any tips for staying sane? WHat questions were you asked at panel? 

Good luck everyone, thinking of you all x x x x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thanks snapdragon and CWTBAM, somehow have managed to delete my post. I think We do see ourselves with a slightly younger child but will have a chat with SW about it all. She talked a lot about seeing us with younger children. I agree on gut instinct. Good luck with panel CWTBAM, we are the day after you. Here's to positive news x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi everyone

Sorry not been here for so long thought I'd drop by and say hi. 

We're almost at the end of home study now and fingers crossed going to panel 4 weeks time. So nervous but can't wait. 

Hope everyone is good
Hugs xxxx


----------



## AoC

CWTBAM, we were asked about our support networks, i.e. who would we call when school/nursery call us to say littlie is sick, whether our employer supported flexible contracts like term time working, another one I can't remember (I think it was another take on the support network thing) and what type of morris dancing I did - LOL!  The last one they made clear was just a curious question, and we all laughed at it.  

Welcome to all the new posters, good luck to those near a milestone, and many hugs to nutmeg.  I have four cats, too, and one that's over 14 and a bit sickly, and we often worry about her.  My heart goes out to you, and well done on giving your kitty a lovely life.  

Sorry I'm a rubbish poster at the moment.  We've got SWers visiting about a possible link tomorrow, work about to publish new structures this week so I find out whether I've got a job post April, and I'm, um, somewhat over capacity at work anyway. 

On the plus side, we've got SWers visiting about a possible link tomorrrow!  Yay!  *g*

*waving* Anna, stress bunny.


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Hi Everyone! I'm feeling lots better today. The stress of the Wait got to me!! However have been basking in the sunshine yesterday and got lots of jobs done.   

AOC - Good luck wiht the possible link TOMORROW!! How exciting!

Emma 1605 - 4 weeks till panel. I was real nervous also... but it was fine.....You'll feel on top of the world after it!  

Arrows - You give me inspiration!

Bambinolove - Thanks so much for the support. Some days are harder than others - feeling better tho. Hope the CPR's show what you are looking for!!!!   

Nutmeg - Big hugs honey x

Hannahlou - Thanks for the support. This site really helps.  

Greeniebop & CWTBAM (less than a week to go) The very bet of luck for Panel ladies!!

If I have missed anyone out sorry...Hope all our dreams come true soon!   

Noodles xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Arrows.....I'm glad you had a lovely baby shower   .
I would have loved to have had one but it all happened so quickly after our approval that I didn't get time. I'm really hoping to have one this time though   

AoC....lots of luck re/your link tomorrow, I can't wait to hear!!!  

We have our initial home visit on Thursday, it's going to be so surreal beginning all over again. I know even though we're more confident and know exactly what to expect etc we're still going to be nervous and I'm still going to do all the 'sw-visiting-must-clean/tidy-house-within-inch-of-it's-life' thing! lol     

PL....lots and lots of luck for Thurs too   , I'll be thinking of you x 

Anj x


----------



## AoC

Anj, the 'sw-visiting-must-clean/tidy-house-within-inch-of-it's-life' thing is a rite of passage!    Everyone has to do it, even if they only see the living room and the loo!  

Glad you feel a bit happier today, Noodles.  Yes, the wait is horrible, but it's a wait for a GOOD THING.  Not a wait for a 10% chance....    You know what I mean?  Hugs.  

Thanks for all the good wishes.  I had morris practice last night, so danced the fidgets out of me!  Moderately sane this morning, but I'm sure it won't last.

Guys, can anyone clue me in?  I feel really ignorant about the next stages.  We're with a VA and the link is with an LA from another area.  If they want to proceed, what happens next?  I was fairly clued in about H/S and approval, now I'm a bit lost.


----------



## snapdragon

AoC: I'm with an la so things might be a bit different with a va; though things tend to differ by la also.

If the la and you both want to proceed they will probably give you a date for matching panel and intros. In most la's they arrange for the foster carer to visit you: in ours we have a child appreciation day instead where we meet the fc, health visitor etc. As ours isin't for nearly 3 months we asked to meet the fc and she came round to see us. In some la's you meet the medical advisor also.

In our la we then have a linking meeting where basically the manager ok's the match. Your sw and the child's sw (possibly just the child's sw if you are with a va) produce a matching report to take to panel and you will probably be asked to write a bit yourself to go in with the report. Thats it really. 

Good luck with your meeting.


----------



## someday

well we go to panel tomorrow morning. TBH I am in a bit of a state about it. I'm really nervous and got very emotional about it all last night. Scared stiff they will say no and yet another dream of becoming a family shattered.

Sorry this is a very me post.


----------



## snapdragon

Goodluck Someday, it wont be as bad as you think, honest. You wouldn't be going to panel if your sw and your la/va were not entirely happy. I met a couple from my prep gp at the weekend who were pulled days before panel as the panel chairman wasn't happy with their PAR, they get it in advance and if there are major problems this is what usually happens.


----------



## someday

thanks snapdragon. That is what dh says and he and you are right. I spoke to SW last week and she said that they have all had their PARs and there hasn't been any negative comments whatsoever. This time tomorrow we should be in the midst of if it all. I know deep down it will be fine.


----------



## AoC

It really will be fine, someday, honest.    I was more nervous than I can remember being, but you can't prevent that happening, really, it's all too important!  But that's okay, then understand.  Trust them, they know what they're doing, and you're only going to Panel because you're ready.  I'm excited for you!  

And thanks for your info, that helps.  I'm wrestling really with how it happens when child/foster carer/LA etc is 100 miles away.  Got a horrible feeling our petrol budget is about to come under severe strain!


----------



## Anjelissa

AoC...
We weren't told this until after intros but our la (and most I think) will let you claim mileage back to cover some of the petrol cost for travelling to intros. Not sure if this is different with a va but worth checking anyway. If not then maybe you can claim through the la with whom you are linked?   
Anj x


----------



## someday

we have been told that they will pay all expences ie petrol, anything we pay for the children when we take them out etc etc.


----------



## Flash123

Awwww someday, I'm sending you big hugs. Your bound to be nervous and scared because this matters so much. We have only just started but I can imagine how you feel. Your la/va have invested a hell of a lot of time and money into your hs and i am sure if there were any issues they would have sorted them by now. They want you approved nearly as much as you want to be approved so they can give a lo the forever family all children deserve.


----------



## someday

Our SW just called to check we were ok for tomorrow. She said she has just read the report and said it is a very good report but then again I had excellent subject matter. We were laughing but I'm sure that she meant it! I feel better about tomorrow thanks to you ladies and to SW. I was sick earlier this afternoon just with nerves I think. Roll on tomorrow xxx


----------



## nutmeg

Someday - good luck for tomorrow.

AOC, how exciting, will keep everything crossed for you   

Thanks for all the well wishes everyone, it's very quiet without any cats around    but better now than when our child is placed and they have to deal with the loss.
We had an exchange day today which was, on the whole, a really positive experience. Also, our sw'r told us we were being considered for a littlie and by the end of next week, he hopes to have profiles for us to look at     So panel on Monday and I'm walking on air at the moment!


----------



## Arrows

Good luck for tomorrow Someday -I'm sure you'll be fine!  


Nutmeg, I'm so sorry for your loss but glad you're feeling fairly positive -I hope the potential LO works out.



Just 2 more sleeps til we meet our LO


----------



## bluebabe

Someday good luck xxxxx


Once we were matched we had a meeting with lo's sw and fc, then we mt with medical advisor and halfway thru intros we had child appreciation day xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck for tomorrow someday x


----------



## emxx

Hi new to adoption just looking for advice not sure where to start on this page! x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Goodluck today someday xxxx


----------



## GERTIE179

Someday - good luck for today

Loobielou - totally know how you are feeling. I'm all over the place with the waiting. No bad news but your mind runs away with bad thoughts when you are waiting and don't know what happening xO


----------



## Arrows

emxx, welcome to this thread -everyone on here is very welcoming and really positive!

You'll notice a few of us are a bit distracted at the moment as we have lots of people about to get approved as adopters, approved for a match or to meet their LOs (little others) for the first time!


----------



## Flash123

Good luck someday xxxx


----------



## AoC

Good luck someday!

And welcome emxx!  Have a good read around in the threads and the adoption stories and adoption diaries.  It clued me in a lot when I was starting.


----------



## peacelily

Good luck today, Someday, and Arrows...how exciting for tomorrow! Good luck for your visit tomorrow, Anj, and Nutmeg - so sorry to hear about your cat    your social worker sounds very much on the ball. We are yet to be allocated a link worker for port-Panel, there's a surprise   


Peacelily xx


----------



## someday

wow what a rollercoaster.  panel were concerned about support network as we don't have family here but we assured them our friends were family and they unanimously approved us. Now just a match!


----------



## AoC

Congratulations, Someday!!!!!


----------



## AoC

That deserved a separate post.  

Our news..... we're linked.    The LO's SWers LOVED us, and everything about us, I feel so boosted by this process, it's unbelievable!  And now they want him placed at lightning speed.  Matching Panel 22nd November, with Intros planned to start 26th November.  Yes, you did read that right.

We're over the moon, and also slightly in shock.


----------



## Flash123

Someday wooooooohoooooooo - here's hoping matching is super quick xxx   

Aoc - hey hey hey.  Aoc's a mummy!!!!!!!!!!   .  Congratulations.


----------



## blueytoo

Someday - congratulations hun    

AoC - how exciting!! Woohoo!! You're a mummy!!


----------



## HannahLou

Oh my goodness what wonderful news today brings  so happy for you guys!!


----------



## Anjelissa

AoC...What wonderful news!   
I'll never forget the moment our sw told us of our little man, I get all tearful even thinking about it now! We loved him right from that moment!
Are we allowed to know the rough age of your little boy? (you may have said already further up and I've missed it, sorry if so), don't worry if you'd rather not say, I totally understand if that be the case.
He'll be home with you for Christmas too! What a magical one you're going to have this year! 

someday.....HUGE congratulations to you too!! I hope you're out having a lovely celebratory meal tonight! 

Our end....I forgot how different sw-cleaning/tidying is to 'normal' cleaning/tidying!   
I swore we wouldn't do it this time as we are always quite clean and tidy anyway (well...clean anyway...not possible to be tidy as our house looks like 'Toys r Us'  but that's only going to be a good thing anyway.
I think as it's our initial hv tomorrow I'll let us off that we've spent so long on the house  , but I'm NOT doing it for our hs visits (yeh....right, we'll see   ).
SW's probably laugh at us all as I know we all do it, and it must be so obvious, more so the first time around when there are no littlies there already, as I'm sure most homes they go to look like show homes for their visits   crazy bonkers!! 

Really lovely to hear all the wonderful news on here lately, keep it coming! 

Love Anj x


----------



## nutmeg

Someday - Congratulations   

AOC - Amazing news, so so pleased for you and not long AT ALL to wait. What a fabulous end to the year for you. Hope you manage to sleep the next few nights (I know I wouldn't!!). Congratulations.

Peacelily - so sorry things are still going poorly for you, maybe your childs swr will be amazing and make up for it all!

Anj - good luck for tomorrow.


----------



## Flash123

Anj - I often wonder if sw are a little like the queen. Many say she thinks the world smells of fresh paint. I wonder if sw's think that all houses smell of bleach and cleaning products??


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations AOC - now wait for your life to change forever.  We wouldnt have it any other way!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Huge congratulations someday and AoC, hope you are both busy celebrating x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Flippin' fantastic news!!!!!!

Someday - Woooooo, go you, Congratulations  

AoC   Woweeee, that is so amazing, you are a mummy! What a whirlwind, enjoy every second  

Hi to everyone  

7 sleeps til prep


----------



## Poochie1111

Just a flying visit for me.

AoC - yay congratulations!!!!!! And why wouldn't they love you  And home for Christmas! I bet he's going to be such a spoilt LO this Christmas.

Arrows - enjoy meeting your little man.  I'm glad it's all worked out so well 

Someday - congratulations on being approved!

All well with us.  Our LO turned 1 last week.  We had a very small party but it was still incredibly special.  Today she fed her herself with a spoon for the first time.  Had me in tears. Loving every minute of it. x

Hi to everyone else - I'm sure I've missed some big news on here along the way.


----------



## peacelily

Unanimous approval for us    Panel said we were the most impressive second time adopters they've ever seen   . We were introduced to our new link worker, she came in with us too and promises to get things going now so fingers crossed!

Congrats AoC, that's so exciting!

Arrows, hope you're having an amazing day!

Peacelily xx


----------



## Anjelissa

PL......Wahooooie!!!!! Huge Congratulations!!!   (not that there was ever any doubt!!   ), I agree with your panel, you are pretty impressive!   

Flash....I laughed at your reference to sw's and the queen   . I'm very pleased to say our initial hv sw did look around everywhere. If she hadn't though then I think I would have dragged her around by the hair until she'd seen the extent of our preparation!   I wouldn't imagine that that would have given a very good first impression though  

As mentioned above we've just had our initial hv, I'd forgotten quite how drained you feel after visits!!   We're both exhausted now!
We should know by the end of next week as to whether they are going to take us further or not. It all comes down to whether they decide we are too restrictive or not with our little man to consider. Although we do have other options, we are hoping to get a positive response from them as we will be taken through the first stages quite quickly and that is obviously a huge plus point.

Hi to everyone else   

Anj x


----------



## Arrows

Hi all 
Peacelily, huge congrats -hopefully your new worker will be a breath of fresh air!

We have had an exhausting but fantastic day with a planning meeting and seeing our little man for a brief hour long visit.  He's a lovely little boy who is really cuddly and enjoyed singing and dancing with me and is absolutely fascinated with his daddy's beard!


----------



## Anjelissa

Just a quick one to say please ignore my last message re/book recommendations (now deleted), I put it on the wrong board, silly me    
Anj x


----------



## Duckling

CONGRATULTIONS AOC, Someday and Peacelily!!!        


Poochie and Arrows lovely, lovely.  
So great to see such wonderful news on here today.
Anj, great news. You have been such a great support to me. I wish you loads of luck .x


Hang in there everyone else. My little boy now shouts 'I LOVE MAMMY!!" All my dreams come true.


Duckling xx


----------



## nutmeg

PL - Fantastic news, super dooper mummy!    Fingers crossed everything will run much smoother now!

Arrows, so pleased you've had a wonderful day


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hi Everyone

Just thought I would check in and let you all know how intros are going!

We are now half way through, one more week to go and all is going brilliantly. LO is just gorgeous and has been looked after so well by fc, a real credit. He is a happy, healthy little baby boy and we feel so lucky to have him. He has really started to come out his shell now and has really taken to us and we are both smitten!

We have had our review which was all fine and also met birth mum which was unfortunately quite traumatic for all involved but something I am glad we have done and are able to tell our lo about it one day. 

Sorry not caught up with anyone else's news but hope everyone is well.


----------



## skyblu

Wow a lot is happening here. 

Congtaulations AoC on a super fast match, well done you. Pity it isn't always like that.( jealous, me, no, not much )

Peaclily, Arrows Congrats to you both also .

AFU still nothing, just waiting waiting oh ............and waiting.
Apparently there  are loads of siblings coming through in our LA and not many babies/toddlers so looks like the waiting is going to go on 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## skyblu

Sorry forgot to say Congratulations to Someday. 

Skyblu.xxx


----------



## crazyspaniel

Skyblu,
am with you on that whole waiting, waiting and more waiting thing...!

Congratulations to everyone else xx


----------



## bambinolove

Skyblu - I think we need to swap LA's we only have singletons.....    we'll get there. Can you not go countrywide yet?

Waterkerfuffle / Arrows - Loving the updates, you sound so happy, it is truly heart warming.

Anjelissa - Good luck, hope you get the Agency you want.

Someday / AoC / Peacelily - Congratulations!!!! Absolutely fantastic news.

AFU - Still waiting to hear from the other social worker about the possible sibling sets in our consortium. Now been waiting over a week for the CPRs.... Social Services timescales are on another planet. We'd never get away with not answering a request for info for over a week, part-time or not! Ho hum.... the wait continues....


----------



## Anjelissa

Duckling....thank you so much for your kind words and good wishes, it still seems quite surreal to be starting again  
I'm so pleased that everything is going so well for you   
'I love you Mummy' are the best words in the whole world aren't they!  

Bambinolove...Thank you for your good luck wishes too  , hopefully we'll know by the end of next week but we all know what that means don't we, (probably in about 3 weeks time   ). I hope you get your news soon too.

Love Anj x x


----------



## AnneS

Evening all,

well, that serves me right. I have not been on for 6 days and now i am pages and pages behind.
Sorry, cannot read through pages 177 (where I posted last! to 183, as Dh just cracked the wine open!!
So just to say, good luck to you all!!!!

Bluebabe - ah, Liverpool. bit far away for a spontaneous meet-up, but i had to ask! Well, if you ever come to the South East of Scotland, gimme a shout!!

Have a good weekend everyone!!!

Anne


----------



## bluebabe

Well I might just have to make my way up Anne haha xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Wow wow wow, what amazing news on here. I love logging on at the moment and hearing about everyone's journey.

Anjelissa - wishing you all the best with your new journey.

AFU, panel is on Wednesday and we are excited, scared, nervous and everything in between. Fingers crossed it's good news. PAR has been seen by senior SW and she was really pleased and thinks we'll be snapped up but you never know. We have been given a profile of a little one but after much soul searching we felt it wasn't the right match. It would have meant that we would not have been able to go through the process again as it was felt LO needed to be only child or youngest by a significant margin. he was absolutely beautiful and it was a really emotional decision to make.

Well hopefully you are all making the most of the weekend. 

Greenie x


----------



## trying4ababy

Hi all, congrats on all the great news!
Emxx - I thought I would reply to you as I have just started the adoption process. I have too info meetings booked in next month, one with a volutary agency and one with my local authority. I started by searching in the net loads. websites I recommend to look at is: http://www.adoptionuk.org/, this page helps you to find a voluntary agency: http://www.cvaa.org.uk/adopters/. 
Also a useful site: http://www.bemyparent.org.uk/info-for-families/useful-resources/#3
once you have a short list of agencies, you should phone them, they will ask a few questions about your situation and then invite you to some information evenings. This is as far as I have got so far.
Good luck
Nic

/links


----------



## margx

Hi everyone : )
Hope you don't mind me joining in. We are booked to start prep course in November and starting to worry now as really don't know what to expect   This board seems really busy and exciting at the min so would be grateful for any info. Thanks x x x
Marg x


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hi margx, my experience of our prep course was great. I was soooo worried beforehand, didn't have a clue what to expect! Everyone was very friendly and actually it was really nice to be amongst people that were headed on the same journey as us and had all the same questions as us!

We had 4 days for our prep course, lots of group discussions, some games which were actually fine (I am quite shy!) smaller group activities and watched some video clips. We also had different people giving different talks on things like life story books, post adoption support and also couples and singletons came to talk to us about there experience of adopting. We had alot of laughs and it was also very emotional at times so all in all very tiring!! 

I think the course can be make or break for people, for us we felt even more strongly that we were on the right path :O) We have kept in touch with a couple of couples as well which has been great.


----------



## Frangipanii

seems there is such a mixed bag on here. so wonderful reading about every individual story!! it gives me hope that i can get over the hurdles placed in front of me .so thanks for that.
i know adoption is different today but I am Very thankful i was adopted! i was not made for any other parents than my own! we fit!
We are moving house and prep course is rebooked. some issues but agency dont think we will have probs getting through! We would(!?!?!?) like siblings but dh and i cant agree on ages so hoping prep course etc will help! 
wishing you all love and adoption glitter!! x


----------



## HannahLou

Welcome margx! We have just finished prep and it was a reaally enjoyable four days, it made us one hundred percent sure about adoption and they answered every single question you could possibly have! My OH enjoyed the free buffet and biscuits the most though I think...! 

H x


----------



## Anjelissa

I hope everyone's having a good weekend   
Just wanted to say hi and welcome to all the newcomers   
Everyone's lovely here, you're in good hands   

Anj x


----------



## nutmeg

Hello all and welcome newcomers.

Watakerfuffle - your lo sounds wonderful, hope everything has continued to go well.

Margx I would second everything wata... just wrote, word for word infact. Try not to worry we were dreading it and really enjoyed it.

Greenie - good luck Weds and I'm sorry the profile wasn't right for you, it seems you won't be waiting long though.

AFU - PANEL TOMORROW and we're soooo excited.


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck for tomorrow nutmeg x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Good luck Nutmeg! Let us know how it goes  x x

We're at panel Tuesday....excited, but incredibly nervous 

Greeniebop...then you're up  Good luck on Wednesday x x


----------



## Anjelissa

Good luck to Cantwait.., nutmeg and Greenibop for panels this week   
What a lot of celebrations there'll be this week!!!  

Anj x


----------



## Flash123

lots of lovely things happening on here at the moment. For us newbies it is so heartwarming hearing of all your wonderful stories, meeting you little ones etc. It reminds us of that wonderful pot of gold that is waiting for us at the end of this rainbow.

Good luck to Cantwait, nutmeg and Greenibop for panels


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Couldn't have said it any better Flash!  The positivity on this thread is so special.  Massive good luck vibes being sent to those of you at panel this week... although I very much doubt any of you will need it, you will be great  

3 sleeps....


----------



## Dreams do come true

Thanks ladies, for those just starting out....panel will be here before you know x

I'm staying away tomorrow...having an adoption free day


----------



## peacelily

Good luck this week Nutmeg, Cantwaittobeamommy and Greeniebop


----------



## GERTIE179

Good luck to Cantwaittobeamommy and Greeniebop  and Nutmeg


----------



## Loubieloo

My gosh lots happenibg here!! Only been away days lol!! Good luck everyone goin to panel and hi to u all   hope u all had. A great weekend xxxxx I was working   lets hope all the positive vibes on here will be passed on my way and I may also get some positive news this week........   xxx
Its lovley to read all ya updates xx just nice to no we not on our own going through this rollercaster   xxx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Good luck for mon nutmeg and tues can't wait xxx


----------



## liveinhope

Good luck to all those at panel this week!


----------



## margx

Thanks for the info everyone : ) makes such a difference knowing I am not the only one going through all this. 
Good Luck to everyone going to panel : ) 

Marg x


----------



## bambinolove

Welcome to the newcomers and good luck to the panel people....

Hoping for more good news today and tomorrow for Nutmeg and Can't wait....


----------



## Arrows

Good luck Nutmeg, Greeniebop and CWTBAM for your panels this week.

AFU, Today is our final day of intros so our little man is now home so he can have a sleepover. We are completely in love with him already and he is absolutely gorgeous.  We are both utterly exhausted and doubt that'll change any time soon but he is well worth it!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Lovely to hear your news Arrows x


----------



## nutmeg

Lovely news Arrows   

It was a big fat yes    WE ARE APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!! It all feels quite surreal, we were there for an hour but in the room for about 3 mins! And there was only us there, no other meetings for the panel today. SWr says it didn't feel momentous for us as he knew from the off we'd be approved; we were still a bit nervous though.
Now to wait for the phone to ring.................. he reckons we should hear something by the end of the week   

GL tomorrow cantwaittobeamummy and Weds Greenie, will be thinking of you x


----------



## pumpkin23

Hi all

Its been an absolute age since I was last posted on here!
As you can see from my signature we were approved at panel in August 2011 yes you read that right 2011!! With the help of ourselves and Be My Parent we have finally been matched with a LO (there is a four hour journey between us and LO), we go to matching panel on 9th November (so very worried they could still say no) 
The reason for my post today is that my employer is mucking me about with what I'm going to be paid - at one point they said I was getting 39 weeks at SAP, then they changed their minds and said I was getting 6 weeks at 90% of my salary and the remainding 33 weeks at SAP now they have back tracked and said no it is 39 weeks at SAP.   Their written policy I was given last week I have now been told is wrong - not happy! Can anyone please confirm what I am actually entitled to if they haven't got their own adoption pay policy?

Hope you don't mind me popping back on after so long.

Good luck everyone who has panel this week

Pumpkin23


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Nutmeg - HUGE CONGRATULATIONS and fingers crossed you get even more news at the end of the week. x

Good luck for tomorrow Can't wait, let us know how you get on x

Pumpkin , not sure I can help as work in a school but I was under the impression that they have to pay you 39 weeks SAP but that 6 weeks @90% and 33 weeks SAP is fairly standard. I know that hasn't helped at all I'm sure but when I emailed payroll at school 6 weeks 90% and 33 weeks SAP is standard but that they pay contractual adoption pay which is slightly better as they follow 'Burgundy Book'? entitlement. I really hope you get it sorted and wishing you all the very best with your LO x


----------



## Arrows

Checko ut what their maternity pay policy is and go by that -anything different could be deemed discrimination. Also, check out https://www.gov.uk/statutory-adoption-pay/overview however each company does things differently.


----------



## peacelily

My employer didn't (doesn't) have an adoption pay policy, so I got 39 weeks at SAP - I complained but got nowhere   


Gosh, how could I forget, CONGRATULATIONS NUTMEG & DH!


----------



## peacelily

nutmeg said:


> Now to wait for the phone to ring.................. he reckons we should hear something by the end of the week


Blimey, my LA really does work to different timescales!! Our SW hopes to get back to me re alterations to our profile from first time around "by the end of the week" 

Hope you're enjoying the sleepover, Arrows, and here's to your new life 

Peacelily xx


----------



## HannahLou

Congratulations nutmeg!! Bet you won't be sleeping tonight with all the excitement! Can't wait to hear when you get that phone call!! X x x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Congratulations Nutmeg!!!!!!!!      

Greeniebop Good luck tomorrow x x x x x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Oh I almost forgot....


WE GOT A YES  

We're approved, our profile has gone national as of 1pm today!

Happy beyond words


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Congratulations can't wait. Lovely news and great to hear you have gone national.

I am so nervous about tomorrow! Fingers crossed it's good news x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Good luck Greeniebop!   


You'll be fine - totally understand the anxiety though as it is such a BIG thing! Good Luck.... And party hard when you get your result!    


Noodles xx


WELL DONE Cantwaittobeamommy!


----------



## peacelily

Congratulations Cantwaittobeamommy!  Good luck tomorrow Greeniebop, you'll be fine


----------



## Dreams do come true

Greeniebop - good luck hun, I was shaking like a leaf! It was all fine though, the pnel were lovely - they want to approve you as much as you want to be approved, just be yourself! x x x


----------



## Flash123

Can'twait - woooooohooooooo!!!!! Here's hoping they find your perfect fit soon

Greenie- good luck. All the hard work has been done and your sw wouldnt put you to panel if they had any doubts. Best of luck


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations cantwait.  Hope the next part of the journey doesnt take too long


----------



## someday

well done can'twait and others. exciting times aheadxxxx


----------



## nutmeg

Yay cantwaittobeamommy     so pleased for you - CONGRATULATIONS!!

Greenie you will be fine tomorrow    

Hannahlou - you are right I literally did not sleep at all last night, and had to try and stay awake through a very boring course today!!


----------



## Dreams do come true

It's been a blinkin good week on here! Lot's of happiness coming our way.

To celebrate the panel result we went toy shopping, I loveshopping for pressies for our littlie(s) (went out for dinner and to the pics too)


----------



## HRM

Hi everyone, 

My DH and I are about to go through what could very well be our last cycle of IVF - a second double donor cycle. We are considering adoption as our next step, failing this go. Before we start to get our hopes up, I wondered if anyone would be able to help with a HUGE question that is weighing on my mind... my DH had mumps 10 years ago and was put on anti-depressants for 'post-viral depression'. He came off this pretty quickly but then about a year an a half ago, decided to give up smoking (properly this time!) and saw the doctor. They both agreed he should try anti-depressants again to get him through the process. He has stayed on them ever since and enjoys feeling much more creative and more productive on them, so doesn't want to stop taking them now. He has never been suicidal or at risk of self-harm or anything, but understandably and quite rightly, the adoption process will look into this 'mental health problem' in detail. 

Is it worth going for it or will a current and ongoing mental health problem (or hormonal imbalance as the GP puts it) quash our chances? Just don't want to get our hopes up that it might be a Plan B for us if it's going to be a 'no go'. 

All info greatly appreciated! Thanks,
H xxx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi guys, had too much going on to even start explaining. Just came on to say Congratulations to CWTBM - excellent news. Never doubted it wud be a Yes.  

I'll be missing for a while as off to Canada in the early hours of Thurs for 2 weeks. Don't forget me please  

By the way we got our approval ratification today and found out we have a possible match   I was thinking life would calm down after our holidays for a bit, but it looks like its going to be full steam ahead.

Speak to you all soon
Take care


----------



## Arrows

HRM - as part of the process you have a medical done and the doctor has to say if they'd recommend you on health grounds, so sounds like yours would. it''s something you'd discuss at your initial visit from a SW (social worker). Bear in mind that each authority is different so one might say no but another say yes. You'll have a choice. 

AFU, just had our 2nd night of LO being home and I miss sleep. he's gorgeous but so hard at first as you're just like a first time mum not knowing what yoy're doing and exhausted all the time - no wonder people with new borns hide away for a few weeks!!!


----------



## Anjelissa

Congratulations to all those just approved    

Arrows   ....I'm sure I can speak for many when I say, I soooooo know how you feel, however wonderful it all is, there's nothing like that tiredness and crazy feeling as if your whole world has been tipped into a blender!!    that you get when your lo first comes home with you.
In our case it lasted for about 2 months but (and it's hard to believe at the time) it does settle down, you do find your feet and you do all fall into a nice new routine which becomes your 'normal' life again    
PS...PLUS.......I have a fair few years on you  so I'm sure your energy reserves will bounce back in no time at all you spring chicken you!    

Love Anj x


----------



## Frangipanii

just wanted to nip on and say congrats to all those througg panel!!! so pleased for you all!! 
I keep thinking I have been waiting nearly twelve years to be a mummy surely I can wait a little longer!! I have to move housr in sixish weeks to a more appropriate child friendly house!So hoping that will keep me busy, prep course got cancelled last month so having to wait... new house has four bedrooms so hoping we can adopt siblings!!but feeling a little stressed!!
mcho fingers crossed for all of you. x


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi all, we are approved!!!!! So so happy and panel was lightening quick-20 mins in total!!


----------



## Frangipanii

Congratulations!! Greeniebop!!!Hopr ours goes through as fast as yours!!! x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Greeniebop - Congratulations


----------



## liveinhope

Congratulations Greeniebop. Now your waiting begins - hopefully not for long


----------



## peacelily

Fantastic news, congratulations Greeniebop!  And how exciting Can't Wait    have a great holiday in the meantime.


Peacelily xx


----------



## nutmeg

Congratulations Greenie     really really pleased for you. Three of us in three days, how fantastic   

Can't Wait, have a great holiday and amazing news about the possible match!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Yaaay!!  Congratulations all you mummies to be, so happy you got your big fat yes'!!!  

Day one of prep done, WOW are we drained


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Thank you for all your kind thoughts.

New SW now as our one is moving away  she did mention some potential LO's including bambino's and also sibling set of 3!!!!! I think the look of shock on my face said it all fingers crossed now for a match.

You ladies have been amazing and without this forum, I would have felt completely lost so thank you.

I hope everything is going well whatever stage you are at x


----------



## skyblu

Congratulation, Nutmeg, CWTBAM and Greeiebop, and lets hope for a quick match 

AFU, Still waiting (geting fed up saying it now )

Skyblu.xx


----------



## GERTIE179

Greenie - congrats x x

Skyblu - hear hear on the waiting lark. Quite fed up as now know Xmas as a couple when we thought we would be a family by this Xmas x


----------



## Loubieloo

Congratulations to all of u what an amazing feeling  
I too no how u feel sky blue we were approved june still waiting and hopeing  x


----------



## Loubieloo

Ditto gertie :-( xxx


----------



## Frangipanii

x-lolly-x...good drained or bad drained!
sorry to hear about the ...pain of waiting...i suppose i am in it now for a long time!
anyone  other newishies trying for siblings? x


----------



## Flash123

Greenie - fab news wooooohooooo!

Skyblu & gertie - I can't Imagine how the wait is and I am hoping it's over soon for you both

Xxx


----------



## HannahLou

We have a meeting this morning with SW, some sort of evaluation after prep, convinced they are going to tell us where to go! I am the worlds worst worrier! Wish half nine would bloody hurry up.

H x


----------



## watakerfuffle

Morning all, today is the day, we bring our little man home today for keeps. Can't believe this day has finally come. Keep strong everyone, we go through this long journey, the emotional roller coaster, the WAITING, worrying, bare our souls, jump through hoops and all the rest but it's so god damn worth it when this day comes!!! 

Sorry for the me me me post   Hope your all well, from snippets I have seen there are lots of newbies and lots of great news.


----------



## someday

oh watakerfuffle what an exciting day for you! Hope its a fab day. how exciting!


----------



## Frangipanii

watakerfuffle!congratulations, have a stupendous day!!!
Hannahlou- I am sure it will be great.. have some confidence, u wouldnt have got this far if they didnt think you were going to be a lovely mummy!!! xxxx


----------



## VEC

Waterkerfuffle wonderful news, enjoy every second!

Martha xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

wonderful news watakerfuffle, wishing you all the very best x


----------



## nutmeg

Fantastic Watakerfufffle, enjoy every moment of this momentous day   

Hannah, I'm sure you did just fine.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Congratulations Waterkerfuffle!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Sorry about the me post...

We were approved on Tuesday, today we have received 7 profiles, 3 of them are profiles we would like to find out more about...

How do you know?

I always prepared for 2...then thought 1....now one of the profiles is for siblings 10mth and 2yrs and I think I am most drawn to them, although drawn to them all. How do I know, how do we know, how how how!  

If we get further info on these LO's (others are 9mths, 11mths)....will the sw still send me more incase we aren't the right mummy and daddy for these precious little poppets?

Any advice ladies?


----------



## Arrows

CWTBAM, yes, they will continue to show you profiles even if you ask for more info about these LOs. It can sometimes be a long time.

Our LO has been home since Monday and today took him out for a walk and bumped into so many people! They all cooed over him but were really good at not touching him'.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Thanks Arrows, you're a mummy  it must feel so fantastic!

Can you remember how many profiles you got more info on, and how long it took from seeing the profile of your LO?


----------



## Arrows

CWTBAM, We heard about out LO in mid-June, got shortlisted end of July, matched end of August, panel was 8th Oct and intros started 18th Oct. So in all -roughly 4 months.
After seeing his profile we saw at least 10 more profile, even after we were shortlisted. We were also given the Be My Parent and Children Who Wait magazines to look through.

Our LO is super-mummy-clingy which although demonstrates a good attachment forming is also really hard when he doesn't accept Daddy's comfort at night and he wakes up every 3-5 hours!! Hoping for a better night tonight. Honestly things are going great for such early days but certainly need more time to get used to less/disturbed sleep!


----------



## nutmeg

CWTBAM - wow all those profiles, but a very difficult decision I guess. Our team doesn't work in this way at all, they only deal with one profile at a time so I can't offer any advice, but good luck.


----------



## liveinhope

When we were first approved we were shown brief (1 page & photo) information of children available, none of which were suitable for us - at the time we were looking for 2 children.  However our son's link SW saw our profile to see if we would consider him, we joke that he chose us, not the other way round!  We first heard about him on 24th November last year, had various visits with sworkers, foster carers etc and we heard on 30th December that they were not looking at anyone else.  We had panel in March and he came home 2nd April.  Took a while but worth the wait.  He was the only profile we looked at because we knew straight away he was the right child, but I know that is unusual and most people consider several profiles before finding the right one


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi ladies..

First of all...so much amazing news on here right now..It really gives us so much hope and makes us smile for all of you with good news..When i was having my fertility treatment all i used to think is...i want to be a mummy. Now all i think is...I'm going to be a mummy! What a difference that is. I'm sure a lot of you ladies will have felt the same.

Well we have now had our initial home visit, eveything went great the sw was lovely, i wish she was going to be with us through out but hopefully we will be placed with someone just as lovely.

Anyway i've just got in from work to find a letter stating we are on the november prep course. So very happy as we were expecting to get on the feb prep course.

Can anyone tell me at what stage do we need to do our medicals as the letter states they will be sending out the forms?

Thank you xx


----------



## bambinolove

Hi All,

So nice to see so much positive news on here! 

Arrows - I hope you get some sleep soon.
CWTBAM - Wow... tough decision... DH and I have said we will only consider siblings, but with the way the wait is affecting me I am not sure what I would say if I actually saw a profile of a singleton I liked. Good luck
Waterkerfuffle -  lovely post
Greeniebop - Congratulations.... hope your new SW is nice.
Skyblu, Gertie, Loubieloo - I feel your pain!

AFU - I might have thrown a bit of a paddy yesterday.... as I told you about two weeks ago the SWs were advised of two possible sibling sets in our consortium, the SWs finally received the paperwork yesterday! I just don't understand the mentallity of the SWs I seem to be coming into contact with. If I worked part-time and an e-mail came in for information, someone else would pick it up, if I was off sick with a broken bone I would still have to do work from home, obviously only manageable things but I would work, if I was going on holiday I would hand-over any work that needed doing to someone else, this is normal working practice to me, but not apparently to social services. We received an email to say that the paperwork had been received but would not be looked at until my SWs came back from sick leave / holiday in about 10 days. Meanwhile we have a home and lots of cuddles ready and waiting for two children and those children are waiting in uncertainty for their forever families.... Is it me? Is this usual practice? I can completely understand with something like home study, but this has bearing on the speed a couple of kids could possibly be housed, I really don't understand it? The upshot is I told the social workers that I didn't find this acceptable practice and explained my reasons why. I am sure they think I am a pain but we really have been very patient throughout this process and rarely rocked the boat. 
Anyway, sorry for the rant but I just wanted your opinions.

Have a lovely weekend everyone.


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love: There is no hurry to get the medicals done, we were on the prep group last Nov. You should get assigned a sw straight after the training, they usually do it on the 2nd day ( we had two full days and then one 4-6pm evening session in each of Jan, Feb and March ) but as the manager was off sick last year we didn't get a sw until January. Anyway we didn't get around to organising our medicals until Feb or March. I wouldn't worry until you have a sw assigned.


----------



## snapdragon

cantwaittobeamommy: thats an awful lot of profiles, we were only shown 1 at a time. I imagine if you tell your sw you are interested in 3, and drawn in particular to 1 she will either give you all 3 CPRs or just the one you are most drawn to. If after seeing a CPR you are still interested she will try to arrange a meeting with the child's sw. I would think during this process you wouldn't see any more profiles. It is difficult to know if a child is right and for me it was just gut instinct. Good luck.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Thanks ladies, we've had a chat with our sw and have told her that we've discussed the profiles and we would like more information on 3 of them - she is getting the cpr's and and is coming out to talk to us about them as soon as she has them. We are drawn to them all, but one in particular is jumping out at us. That being said she's going to continue to send us profiles as she finds them/as they respond to our profile.

All of the profiles are amazing - and I would be a proud mummy of any of these precious little ones.

Went shopping again today...stood in the shop and found myself looking at toys, thinking the littlies on the profiles would like them...held myself back and purchased generic toys. I felt like a mommy buying toys for my baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love adoption, love how it's made me feel, love the thought of what's to come x


----------



## Loubieloo

Hi bambino, I totally understand what you mean!!!!! You have hit the nail right on the head and have explained what am feeling perfectly!!! We too are having the same problems with a possible match ie, sw being off sick, leave ect.... It really is so frustrating I really don't feel that ss work on the the same comparison as most work places.....
I understand lots of work goes into matching children to forever families but it would be a hell of a lot quicker if communication and team work was done properly!!!! Sorry to rant but it just frustrates me soooo much when our children are waiting because of things that can easily be solved  xxx


----------



## HannahLou

Cwtbam that was a lovely post, enjoy your baby shopping!! 

I had my evaluation meeting and you were right ladies I was worrying about nothing! First home study booked for 7th november, I best get scrubbing, going to buy a new rug today because my old one is shameful!

Hoping all your matches speed up! 

H x


----------



## rosie pie

Hi ladies I have been lurking for a while now learning so much from you all so thank you.


My DH and I have allmost finished out prep course and onto home study v soon. I can honestly say after 3 years of failed ivf fir the first time i finally feel exactly as CWTBAM - it is like a huge anchor has been lifted from our shoulders, i also love adoption!


unconditional love - hi, we have completed 3 of our 5 day prep course and have really enjoyed it. So much to learn but it has been brilliant doing it together and it has cemented that adoption is right for us. I can tell you what we are doing with regards to your medicals etc question - we are just about to give in - NSPCC check form, application form and CRB identification, bank and mortgage statements and have then been told as soon as all of this is in we will be emailed special forms for our GP and can then do the medicals.  I have tried to be v proactive and say - what can we be doing now that will avoid delays in the future......am sure they think I am a pushy   but I don't care!! hope this helps.


Hi to everyone else and really looking forward to sharing my journey with you all xx


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi everyone.

Just a quick post from me while I'm connected to Wifi over here in Canada! Having an amazing time although my heads a little cloudy as we have been linked to a LO and are waiting to find out if we are matched. Our SW called over the night before we were flying on holiday with a CPR of a LO he had found us and had shown our PAR to their SW who was really interested in us. We had no idea about any of it as we were waiting for ratification to come thru, had expected to be presented with a few profiles (like CWTBM has) when we got back off holiday so were totally thrown when he asked to see us before we flew. Apparently to LO's SW was keen for us to know about them and decide whether we were interested or not before we went away as didn't want to wait 2weeks until we were home   As far as we are aware there's one other possible couple who may be interested so there might be a matching meeting held while we are away to choose which couple will be officially matched to them. So we are eagerly checking emails regularly hoping for news from our SW who said he'd keep us fully updated on developments, we could be getting an email while we are here telling us we are matched and going to be parents! So much happening and so very quick! Crazy!

Sorry for the me post, just needed to share. Will keep you all updated. X


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Lots happening as ever!  There seem to be a few groups at the moment - those just approved and reading/awaiting profiles, those having just been matched and meeting their LOs and bringing them home, and those just starting out on this amazing journey - like me!!

We have just finished our 3 day prep, and have a final day to attend at the end of January.  We really enjoyed the training, and settled into it once we got to know people and the SWs.  I have changed my perspectives on a lot of things, especially having met some adopters yesterday and listened to their experiences.  Very emotive.  This surprised me as I naively felt I had a clear idea in my head of the path we would be taking.  I think DF benefited a lot from the sessions, and is starting to feel excited (I think he found it hard to relate theory to reality before now).  Our HS starts 8th November - a day behind you HannahLou!  SW asked us yesterday if we can email the homework across to her in advance o the session so she can read up or else she will be with us all day    So better crack on!  

I hope to any of you waiting you are not waiting much longer.  I imagine that this is the hardest part of all.  Big hugs, and hope you are all enjoying the weekend xxxx    Oh, and Can't Wait, hope you are having an amazing holiday! xxx


----------



## HannahLou

Lolly- hopefully we will be panel buddies then! Exciting isn't it  x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Loving that thought!!    Just been doing some more of my homework... wow, so many memories that I had forgotten all about.  Really enjoying it actually!  have you had anthing is advance of your session Hannah? xxx


----------



## HannahLou

We just had a handover meeting to our new SW and she just said the first meeting will be gentle, about support networks etc what about you? On the down side she has 'misplaced' our references... 

H x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Gentle sounds good!!  Although sorry to hear about your references  

Our first one is all about childhood and family.  We have a big homework document, but SW said just to do about half or so as there is no way we will get through it all in first session.  Very glad about this as was starting to panic a tad...


----------



## newmum

Hi everyone

Can I join your panel buddies Lolly and Hannah? 

I think we are in similar places on our exciting journeys, myself and DH have been on our 3 day course we have had our CRB check, and we have completed our initial homework.

Our SW has started to interview me first and I have had one session only 2 more to go she thinks, didn't think my life was that interesting! Then she will interview DH.

Lolly yes it's all about childhood and family, loads and loads of questions. So guess that's why it takes more than one session glad its not me I was starting to worry lol I also enjoyed the homework not sure DH did  

Hannah I hope your SW finds your references

Look forward to being buddies be nice to have the support 

Nm2b x


----------



## HannahLou

More the merrier newmum2b!! At my prep course I actually said to the SW that my life isn't that interesting and with me being quite young in adoption terms,luckily I havnt had many big life changes or losses, she said don't worry we will have lots to talk about!! I'm not particularly private but just very black and white so I hope she doesn't take me the wrong way! 

Angelmummy- next have some lovely neutral collections and in the catalogue they have pics of  rooms set up so you could get a few ideas  we havnt been told about decorating yet but I hope you have lots of fun! Once its done how will you resist peeking in there every 5 minutes! 

H x


----------



## Forever mummy 😀

Hannahlou - thank u i will take a look. i no it seems quite early on to be decorating really but i suppose its one less thing to do and i no im gonna enjoy picking it all out and decorating it. but yes i think i will struggle to resist looking in it all the time lol.......im quite nervous about the HS cos i also dont lead that much of an interesting life.

Lou x


----------



## newmum

Thanks Hanna. I'm also quite black and white and to the point, people say I'm quite direct. I am sure you will find plenty to talk about. My SW wanted to know all about where I was living as a student, my relationship  with my brothers and sister. Also my relationship with my mum and dad. Childhood memories. I am also adopted so she wants to talk all about that. Loads and loads of stuff really. I am sure you will find loads to talk about. My brother sadly passed away this year and she kept on probing me to make me show some emotion. I am the kind of person to show emotion in private so found this a but annoying, I know understand why she was trying to push my buttons.  A friend of mine who has also adopted said she was testing you as children will also try and push your buttons. 

Angel that must be hard if you don't know what age your child will be. I agree with Hanna next have some lovely stuff. Our first interview we needed passports, marriage and birth certificates, driving licence, proof of addresses stuff like that. Also we where told about what to expect.

Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi Newmum!  What your friend says makes sense, hadn't thought of it that way.  I understand what you mean about pushing for something.  I am pretty emotional so not in that respect, but I did feel when I was describing my happy childhood SW was probing for something that wasn't there.  Also DFs parents got divorced and he is ok with it all - he was 16 - we felt as if she was looking for him to conjour up some hidden emotion about it all.  SW is lovely, and I guess it is their job to read into things and check all is ok under the surface, I just found it strange!  I am sorry to hear about your brother  

Hannah, I bet as you talk you will begin to remember all sorts from your past.  Just random things, but there will be lots to talk about i'm sure.  In doing my homework I have remembered so much, just silly things like my dad making up bed time stories, the parties we had as children, me and my brother hiding in the coal bunker and mums face when we walked in covered in coal dust!  Roll on 7th!! (and 8th for us  )

Wow, Angel, I am surprised they have told you this already, but how exciting for you!  Although I am already thinking neutral colours with animals or teddies etc!!  For first session we have been told we will be discussing family and childhood.  Within this we touch on education, diversity and parenting styles. 

Boo to Sunday evening!!  Anyone off for half term?  If so don't tell me, I will only be jealous!!


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi Ladies, feeling a bit sad to day. Bumped into an old friend who is having issues post adoption with her LO. just feel incredibly sad for her as she is a lovely mummy but seemz there are some attachment issues even after four years  Told her to come on ff to ask for support as did not know what to suggest. I am a positive advocatr for adotion having been adopted but things have changed so much it is quite daunting. Feels like some agencies are obsessed with the child/children having ALL the information about their other family, for me I think there can be too much honesty and the focus should be very much on the forever family!! I dont know if I am right! As for my friend I dont think she done anythinv wrong, but she is really going through the mil.
Confusing isnt it . Cannot wait to get properly started to have some of the questions in my head answered.
sorry for me post  x


----------



## AoC

Love that your little man is home, Arrows!!!

WOO HOOO Nutmeg!!!  Well done you.  

YEEE HAAAA CWTBAM!!!!!  So much happy news here, it's so good.  

HRM, we're approved and awaiting matching panel, and although I've never been on anti-Ds, I've twice sought help with mild depression anxiety and had counselling.  If the first agency you approach seems doubtful, don't forget to try others, especially Voluntary Agencies, which are sometimes a bit more flexible and realistic.

Of course you're approved, Greenie!!  Congrats!  

Oh wata, so happy your little boy is home, too.  

CWTBAM - our SW was still encouraging us to look at more profiles after we'd set our heart on one of them.  We saw about 6 at first.  She was keen for us not to jump at the first one.  It wasn't her fault the first one was OUR one!  *g*  As for timescales, ours are unusually quick (understatement!).  

LO's SW saw our advance notice on the consortium before approval panel, and sent us his short profile, which we loved, and asked her to wait for us!  We were approved on 20th Sept, saw his CPR on the 24th Sept, heard from his SWers that they liked our PAR on the 27th Sept, met his SWers on 17th Oct, are meeting his foster carer tomorrow, matching panel is planned for 22nd Nov, and we're due to start Intros on the 26th Nov.

We may, of course, die of nervous exhaustion before then!  The logistics of finishing his room and getting photos of it done in time for all the deadlines is, um, a bit of a nightmare.

Bambino, I work in the NHS, not social services, but yes, sadly this is normal practice.  In our area, whichever way you measure it, the LA is short about 8 or 9 full time social workers.  In the NHS trust I work for, it's slightly worse.  I used to work in a team of 7, and was able to hand work over for sick leave or holiday, now there are 1.5 of us, and handing work over is simply a luxury we remember fondly.  Plus, if we're signed off sick (rather than working from home as an adaptation for a health problem) we're not allowed to work for insurance reasons.

Have a fab holiday, Can'tWait!  

Lovely to see so many folks doing home study.  

We went with pale green walls and a neutral carpet, Angel, then when we were linked with LO, we asked what his room was like and have added pale wood furniture, some fab curtains with the planets on them in blues, greens and neutrals etc.

Hugs, frangi.  I'm sorry your friend is having a hard time, you had a good idea in directing her here.  

AFU, meeting the foster carer of our little one tomorrow, and very excited!


----------



## peacelily

How exciting AoC, how old is he (ish   )?


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Lovely to hear from you AOC, sounds like you are having a VERY exciting time....so pleased to hear your news. What an amazing Christmas you are going to have.

Hi to everyone else, there is lots of action on here and lots of news.

Well, to say I am email watching and phone scanning is an understatement!!! I know we were only approved on Wednesday and we still have to wait for ratification but I am so desperate to hear from SW with some profiles. On Wednesday she said there were lots of profiles that she had in mind for us but as we are switching SW who knows when we will see them. I am so impatient Crazy really as I felt so patient during assessment and in lead up to panel but now that hurdle is out of the way I don't seem to be able to contain myself.....it probably doesn't help that I am on half term!

Oh well, it will happen when it happens. Take care everyone xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

AoC - wow that is quick! I hope things move that quick for us  I bet you're so excited! How old is your precious little pumpkin?

Can't wait - I hope you're having a fantabulous holiday! I can't believe you've have a link already, that's so exciting! How old is/are the LO(s)?

Sorry....I seem obsessed with age, not deliberately! At the minute age is the biggest dilemma I am having with profiles...so I'm intruiged 

Rosie - Welcome! Enjoy homestudy, for us it's been an amazing process...I've really enjoyed it. I've been really pushy through the process, but our sw was happy for us to be, she said because she can see how much we want this she push for us as well, she's stuck to it...no delays what so ever. Keep pushing honey  You'll be a mummy in no time x

To everyone I've missed - Good luck with your journeys! I decorated our nursery a while ago, I wanted neutral but bright and colourful because of the potential age of our LO(s), this is my nursery: http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/

Greeniebop - I'm the same........I want more profiles! I hope you get soon soon hun x

Lots of LO dust 

Simone x

/links


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## AoC

Our LO will be 2 shortly.  It's actually a bit daunting for us, because we'd pictured ourselves with an older one!  But our SW and all our referees all combined to tell us they thought our needs as parents would be best met by a younger littley, so we feel like they've all given us a present!  LOL!

It's very, and unusually, quick because they feel the LO's been waiting too long (through not fault of his or SWers, plans for him didn't work out).  They're doing matching panel and going for a same day ratification...  (where's the wide-eyed shocked smiley when you need it?!)

We're absolutely hypnotised by him.  When we first saw him, we connected.  Now it feels like everything that has happened to us has been perfectly planned so that exactly at the point HE needs a forever family, there WE are, ready and willing and stronger for what we've been through.

Day after we met SWers and they said yes, first track I heard on the radio was "you were born to be my baby...."  I'm doing a heck of a lot of sobbing in the car at the moment... ggg


----------



## Dreams do come true

AoC, I am so happy for you, your post made me cry! It's clearly meant to be....it's destiny.


----------



## snapdragon

AoC: we were also expecting an older child, our lo will be almost 2 at placement also. I know what you mean about geting everything ready. We don't have intros to Jan but need to get photobook ready for panel early Dec and I have a hugh list of things that need doing.  This weekend was fixing wall sockets hanging off wall, ordering carpet, putting up curtains, making blind cords safe and so now I just have 20 things let on my to do list.

We went for lemon walls and beige carpet. We have just got some cute wall stickers to brighten up the room.


----------



## Unconditional-love

Hi Ladies,

Thanks to everyone who gave advice. This forum seems pretty amazing for support and of course good news.

Snapdragon, Our prep days are 20th & 21st november, then 3 evening sessions which the first one is 4th december and we have been told the other 2 evening sessions will be in feb. Do we get any homework or anything like that, or is it just the time we spend there and then after feb on to home study? Sorry to be a pain with the qeustions its just nice to speak to someone in the know, with you going through the same la as we are.
So happy you have been matched with LO and i think that age range is great, so this xmas is your very last one without your child...how exiting for you.

Rosie-pie, I think the same as you in regards to what can we be doing now that will avoid delays in the future, I am even starting to get references from some people as my nieces want to write us one bless them. Do you know how many bank statements are needed as i can get them sorted now as well..

Hi to everyone else, so pleased for all the Lo's coming home to their forever familys..
xx


----------



## nutmeg

Hello all    loving how busy this thread is as the moment.

AOC, amazing news, I'm so happy for you. Good luck for tomorrow.

We've just back from a lovely weekend away with dd in Cardiff -  we went to the Dr Who exhibition and scared the pants off her! Not heard from our SWr but we didn't expect to (despite what he said   ) as his admin is not the best in the world and I doubt very much he's uploaded our PAR!!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Feeling a little bit sad, one of the LOs we were really drawn to is on CWW - I have only just joined AUK/CWW so have just seen the site for the first time. The profile we were sent was very promising, and made us think this LO could be for us...but his CWW profile contains much more information, and now I don't think we're the right mummy and daddy for him - we asked for his CPR a couple of days ago, but now we don't think we need to see it, I feel really sad and really guilty  What do I say to our SW, do I go along with it now she's requested the CPR or do I just call her and be honest?


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love: We didn't get any homework from the training sessions. Your home study might well start before Feb, depends on how big a group they have. Last year we were told we would normally be assigned a sw on the 2nd day of prep ie 21st Nov (our dates were pretty much the same as yours) but because the manager was off sick plus it was a big group (9 couples) we were told we would have to wait. However, we were assigned a sw early Jan so all couples had started home study when we had our evening sessions. The sw's all work differently. Some give you loads of homework and some hardly any.


----------



## Arrows

CWTBAM, call and be honest -the right LO is out there for you and it would be a disservice to you and to this LO if you pursue when you already have lots of doubts.

Congrats to those approved, congrats to those with profiles to look at, FCs to meet and all those who are new -a big HELLO. :-D

Our LO has now been home for a week and bonding really, really well with me and DH. We've been able to get out the house a fair bit (he gets bored in the house anyhow) and he's already improving in his standing, moving and eating, all of which they had slight concerns about.  I honestly cannot explain how much I love him beyond all reason or explanation -however much you love your friends kids/ nephews and nieces etc -times it by a million and then some. You heart feels like it's breaking when they cry and when they smile, you never felt such joy!!
Our LO is only 10mths and not in a good sleep pattern at the moment with all the upheaval, teething and a cold and that is the only downside (and a seriously huge one) -sleep deprivation. As together as I am normally, after a week of being woken up all through the night I want to cry all the time -not in front of out LO of course but when I'm out or he's finally asleep it's totally overwhelming. Anyone who wants to get a feel for it, just set your alarm to go off every 30mins-2hrs randomly from 7pm- until 5am; add in some screaming then you're pretty much there. 
Our LO is quite honestly the best thing that has ever happened in my entire life and I can't wait until we can make him legally ours but until that day I look forward to the time he he learns to sleep through the night!


----------



## snapdragon

Unconditional-love: just seen your question about bank statements which I can help you with as we are with the same la. They require one recent bank statement. There is also a financial circumstances form where you put down your income and outgoings. They give you a folder on the first day of prep with various forms and info in it.


----------



## newmum

Hi everyone some lovely stories to read on hear

Unconditional we didn't get any homework to do on our prep course just after the first home visit

Arrows wow you sound so in love with your LO makes me want to meet mine now lol 

Can't wait to mummy, that must be hard for you just tell the truth. Things will work out for you
And I love your nursery

Just a short note tonight

Hi to everyone

Nm2b x


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,

I haven't had time to read through the last few pages properly, so I'm sorry if I've missed anything major, I just wanted to say......

AoC......I also got all teary reading your recent posts, it's so wonderful and I'm so happy for you!   
What an exciting time! I'm looking forward to hearing more! Not long now Mummy!   

Love Anj x


----------



## daisy0609

Hi 
Hope you don't mind me joining. We are half way through our home study at the moment. It took us from Jan to Oct to even get assigned a social worker for it! Slightly different approach in the way that it works up here in Scotland as to the way it works in England but I realise that every emotional aspect is exactly the same. I have read every page of this thread and im glad in a way that you have all felt or are feeling the exact same way as I am feeling now and I can't wait to feel the way some of you are now with your LO's at home and I can't wait for that feeling. I hope that you are happy to have me here and im sorry for all the questions!!!

Daisy

X


----------



## Ipswichbabe

Hi. 

Wondered if I could join your chat. Feeling rather down with the whole adoption thing and can't understand why it takes sooooo long!! Had pre course in sept now filling out a zillion forms 
Par forms which from what I gather are usually filled out by the social worker after hone study but we hv to fill em out prior to to sw coming. They are rough forms and honestly we are struggling to put it in words! 
My CRB has come back ok but still awaiting dh's so freaked out Bout that :-( every one keeps asking how's it coming along and any closer to to a child. Honestly can't answer that and I'm fed up with other people playing with my life. 
Just wanna b a mummy but I'm scared in case they don't approve us. I've had too much heart break with all the ivf failure I really could cope of this fell thro too! 

Keep me same girls! I feel like I'm taking a big step to no where! :-(


----------



## Ipswichbabe

Hi daisy. Also new here. Jan-oct waiting that's insane!!!
We had to wait from last ivf to initial appointment a whole year to make sure all ok then coz we moved over the boarder had to change agent and wait again! We started out on this in feb 2011!!! I just don't get the waiting??! 
How is it different in Scotland?! Xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Hi Daisy and Nickinic.....welcome! If you're anything like me this site will help you. I have done 14 rounds of treatment, 7 yrs of ttc....and this journey in comparison has been  amazing! I hope your journeys dont take too much longer, you'll be mommies before you know it! Chin up, keep smiling, you'll get through this x

AFU - SW texted tonight and asked if she can come and see about some LOs tomorrow


----------



## Ipswichbabe

What does LO stand for?!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Little One


----------



## daisy0609

At the end of our home study if approved and matched the child get placed with you asap under the name of foster with a view to adopt so there's no intros and things like that that take weeks obv the la have to be really sure that there is no chance that they will not be placed if you no what I mean!xx


----------



## Frangipanii

wow so many exciting things going on! 
good luck for tomorrow cantwait!!Hoope the right one(?)is there for you!! 
Hi Daisy and Nickinic!
Feel like I want something to happen, lots of talking about it in thr family, waiting to hear back from social worker re meeting our sw's manager. They hope to get us through to panel by May and then they said they always access to the sort of children we are interested in, but i wont hold my breath!!!
xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Wow can't wait. Sounds exciting. We were approved the day after you but still no word from SW. She did say she'd phone this week once all official...why is it a watched phone never rings?!

Hi to everyone else, looking forward to getting to know the newcomers x


----------



## AoC

Exciting CWTBAM!!!

*waving to everyone*


----------



## nutmeg

Oh my Oh my - just had a phonecall    Will update as I know more!!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Greeniebop - are you VA or LA? I hope the phone rings soon x

We're with a VA so have gone national straight away, it has it's ups and downs but it does seem to be quicker?

SW has just gone, the LO we felt really positive about has got serious health problems which were not disclosed on the profile or CWW - sadly too much for us to take on at this stage 

Siblings are very much a possibility for us, we have the CPRs and they are delightful! There SW has our PAR and our SW is going to get her thoughts on it later today and find out if they are considering anyone else. At this stage...these LOs are perfect - we just need to work out the logistics and financials of 2 precious little pumpkins aged so close together. Possible link though, we'll see.

Nutmeg - woooooohooo, we need to know more..........  x


----------



## peacelily

CWTBAM = how exciting!




Nutmeg - you can't keep in us suspenders like that


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi CWTBAM,

We're with LA but they must have psychic powers as we have a profile! Siblings sound exciting. 

Nutmeg- WE NEED NEWS!!!!!! Fingers crossed x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Greeniebop - how exciting!!!!! Keep us posted  x


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## newmum

Hi can I ask what does PAR mean?

Nutmeg. Spill   

I've got an appointment with SW tomorrow which I'm looking forward to. I wonder how much devilling she will do tomorrow. Hopefully my last individual session before DH gets grilled. All be worth it though. Going to ask how long she thinks it will take till panel.

Greeniebop has your phone rang? Good luck

CWTBM sounds like things are moving for you, how exciting 

Hi to everyone

Nm2b x


----------



## Dreams do come true

PAR = Prospective adopters report, the report compiled by your social work (sw) through homestudy (hs)

CPR = childs permanence report, the report given to you about children you express an interest in

LA = local authority

VA = voluntary agency

Good luck tomorrow newmum2b  See if you can get her to commit to a target panel date....it might hurry her along


----------



## Dreams do come true

Can anyone help me, I have a couple of questions:

* If both biological parents have borderline learning difficulties (IQ 70) - does this mean the child/ren will have the same?

* Has anyone on here adopted very young siblings, close in age? 

Thanks in anticipation x


----------



## newmum

Thanks for the jargon busting CWTBM

I'm sorry I can't help you with your questions apart from my brother and sister in law adopted my niece and nephew who have different birth mums as babies and they didn't have any problems they are now 10 and 9. Hope that helps a bit

Nm2b x


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hi everyone

There's so much excitement on here at the min I just can't stay off even while on holiday.

CWTBM -   sounds like your heads spinning looking at all those profiles, it's hard going isn't it. I think there's a conversation on the main board about birth patents with learning difficulties, vaguely remember reading it. I think there's a 15% chance if one BP has LD and a 60% if its both (something like that, might be wrong) remember environmental factors play a part in statistics as well.

Arrows - what an amazing post  

Hello AoC, Greenie, snapdragon, nutmeg (what's your news??) so much going on at the min isn't there.  

AFU we are officially awaiting a matching meeting which should be held next week. Our LO we are linked to is a 2yr old little girl. She's perfect for us. A little older than imagined as were aiming for 12-18months and she's 26months but when a match is a match age is irrelevant. I'm trying to stop myself getting too emotionally involved as its a competitive match, but from the sounds of it our SW and LO's SW is excited and positive we are a good match. I hope they choose us as I can't stop thinking about her and looking at her photos. I keep telling myself that if they choose the other couple than it just wasn't meant to be and that couple were better for her, but i feel like she's ours, I just can't wait to find out if she will be. Keep your fingers crossed for us.

Oh and we've just been skimmed by Hurricane Sandy, just had the tail winds and rain. Hopefully that's it for us.


----------



## snapdragon

cantawittobeamum: No it doesn't mean the lo's will a learning difficulty but there is a possibility it could be inherited, impossible to tell really, an iq of 70 and above is considered normal so its a pretty mild learning difficulty. Its worth looking at the birth parents histories as it might give you more idea of why they might have learning difficulties.


----------



## Loubieloo

Hey guys just thought I would drop a line to say helloooo   hello to all new guys too and good look on your journies it's exciting   
All the positive vibes from here must be passing our way as we too we r in contact with our sw re a few lo   but now sw off again   only for 2 days but that's a lifetime in my eyes   
Like everyone else I feel u guys sharing your journies with us all helps so much so thank you  
Hope u all getting ready for Halloween celebrations   xxxxx hopefully this time next year we will be having a child's Halloween party!  xxxxxx


----------



## nutmeg

Great news Loobie

Greenie, ooo fingers crossed, when will you know more?

CantWait - fabulous news, I bet you're rather distracted whilst on your hold!

Sorry all - didn't mean to tease    SWr has dropped off a profile and it's for a very young child in exceptional circumstances. We have a few reservations but are much more excited than trepidatious. The reservations are certainly not linked to the child just to the circumstances. Our Swr has said he doesn't work with swrs who use competitive matching, so we *think* we're the only people being considered at this time, but we'll know more for sure when we meet on Thursday evening


----------



## Dreams do come true

Can't wait - everything crossed for you honey x x x Have a fantabulous holiday in the meantime, glad you've escaped hurricane sandy!

Nutmeg - Good luck on Thursday x How old is the LO?

SD - Thank you for your replie  Read CPR and no major concerns, IQ was highlighted but that's it. x

LL - Exciting times for us all!  2 days is a lifetime....when you're going through what we're all going through! lol


----------



## GERTIE179

Just thought I'd add this for those north of the border ;-)
PAR is similar to form f in Scotland
CPR is similar to form e

Good luck to all those excitedly waiting news of a match, on count down to intros, or at home study stage :-D

AFU just waiting n waiting at the mo. I'll update you if any inquiries come to anything
X x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Gertie - How long have you been approved? x (should know, but lose track sorry )


----------



## someday

lovely news in here. how exciting.

2 weeks tomorrow since we were approved. we haven't received our approval letter thingy and not a rustle about a match. I know 2 weeks isn't very long in the scheme of things but I am finding the waiting difficult. I think the big thing is not knowing how long it will be, no timescale in mind.


----------



## Ipswichbabe

Hi again! 

Still feeling anxious in this wait and don't understand PAR forms as we hv been given ours to complete before our sw has been assigned still awaiting sw to be assigned. It's been 2mths!! I don't know what to do?! 
I'm fraistrated to high heaven!

I just feel like our lives are in there hsnds & I hv no control over it! I just wanna be a mummy! Hated the Ivf but right now I wish I was going thr that instead at least I knew where I was with that and no waiting on endless time limits. 

Thanks for listening rant over!!!


----------



## Ipswichbabe

Also has anyone heard of being approved by panel and matched by panel on the same day??!


----------



## Flash123

i've only been away for a few days (went to see 'Rock of Ages' - fantastic!!!) and there is soooo much going on. I apologise for the lack of personals but i am utterly useless at them. I promise i  HAVE read back and have come over all 'goose-pimply' reading your stories - possible matches, bringing lo home, meeting for the first time. Such wonderful times.

Things are a little surreal for us at the moment. We have only had 3 sessions with our sw (started at beg of Oct), we haven't even been on our prep course yet - thats next week  and she has booked us in for Jan/Feb panel. Paper work needs to be in beg of Jan and she thinks we will be well done for Christmas!!! Yesterday she interviewed 1 of our referees and my mum. She told them they are expecting an influx of lo's at the beg of Jan and she is really hopeful that at least one of them is a possible match.

Don't get me wrong, we aren't holding our breath and we know that many things can go wrong between now and then but we are utterly gobsmacked - in a nice way for a change.


----------



## nutmeg

CWTBAM - LO is 4 months old, I know!! 4 months. We've given sw'r a provisional yes and he's coming tomorrow to discuss our issues and arrange a date for childs swr to come meet us. Our team doesn't work with other teams unless we're first choice so they are not looking at any else for this LO   

Nick - sorry about not yet being assigned a sw'r, unfortunately this can be quite common. What have they asked you to complete on the PAR? Is it the chronology and stuff?

Gertie and Someday (()) Hope you get your phonecalls soon.

Flash - sounds like your team are really on the ball.

Hello all xx


----------



## newmum

Hi

Nickinic no I've never hear of that before

Flash wow how exciting things are moving fast. Are you with a LA or VA? Sorry if you've said before

I had another session today only one more left for me on my home then it's the DH turn. SW did say it will be 6 months until panel but she also said it does depend on how the home assessment goes
I so hope it is 6 months

Hi everyone

Nm2b x


----------



## Flash123

Nm2b - we are with an la. our social worker only works part time and that worried us initially but she is fantastic. Not gushing and happy chappy but I really feel like she has 'got' us and I trust her implicitly. 

Nutmeg- 4 months wow, that would be my dream come true. I hope so much things go to plan.


----------



## Ipswichbabe

From reading all these posts it seems every agency is different! I wonder why?! Why can't they all be the same??!
The par forms asked to fill in we're all out prev addresses from birth all our jobs and schools from birth and then an essay like account of various things such as education career childhood etc.... Need to write it in 500words & I hv no idea if its right and no sw assigned so not sure who to refer to ... 

Hubby's CRB not bk yet either mine was here 6days ago!!! Argh!!!


----------



## Flash123

Nickinic, we had to do a similar thing. Factual and information based forms and then a narrative about our life so far and what has made us 'us' up to this point. That was our first homework and our sw is cutting and pasting sections straight into our par. Don't worry about your crb, this in number 5 (each new job has required a new one) thy have always been sent off in batches of 3/4 and always arrive back at diff times- some weeks apart. dh came a week later too.


----------



## Arrows

Do NOT worry abt word limits, just write what you can. Spill the things there asked you to do are normal questions for homestudy. Just find time to sit down and dedicate to doing the homework, a little at a time. Bitesize!


----------



## Frangipanii

evening!! well some news...looks like we are adopting 18 pets! 16 chickens and 2 geese. the house we are buying has some land and the owners cannot take the animals with them! And we have a moving date of thr week of the 7th December. House needs some modernisation so I will be busy doing that til we adopt. We were moving away but decided that it might not have been fair on our 'children'and us not to have a support network of family and friends and now weirdly we are moving to a house where there a couple of fields separating us from my folks.! quite exciting!! 
So glad I am not doing ivf anymore, yhis all feels so much more positive and right!I realise that I have a lot to get through and that our skeletons are going to be jumping out of thr closet ect but I have been through a lot in life I am sure I can with some determination and patience and support get through this to be a forever family with two beautiful lo's!! 
x


----------



## Dreams do come true

nutmeg said:


> CWTBAM - LO is 4 months old, I know!! 4 months. We've given sw'r a provisional yes and he's coming tomorrow to discuss our issues and arrange a date for childs swr to come meet us. Our team doesn't work with other teams unless we're first choice so they are not looking at any else for this LO


WOW! that's very young, perfect. Are you with LA or VA? That would be my dream  Good luck, I hope everything goes to plan


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Nick - that is exactly what I have been doing tonight for the start of our HS next week!  All about childhood, family, upbringing, values (ex-partners, boo!), current relationship.  It is mammoth!  But SW said it will be easily 2 sessions of HS, maybe more.  I am sadly quite enjoying it, and keep remembering what we were told by an adopter at prep last week... "embrace it and enjoy it as once you have your LO it is never ever about you again"    Hope things speed up for you, it is not fair keeping you waiting like this  

Wow, some amazing matching news on here    Good luck to everyone on the final leg of their journey    And to you Frangi - congratulations on your new family, sounds a great move!!!

Love Lolly x x x x x


----------



## Frangipanii

thanks Lolly. 
Nickinic~ please breathe everything will be fantastic. Stop panicing!! 
Yeah four months old is fsntastic...good luck Nutmeg!
Arrows - hope u r getting somd sleep!! At least we know you are ther for advice whe  we need it on alll the paper work etc.
Nm2b-wow only one seesion to go that is so exciting? Do you enjoy them or is that the wrong question to ask?
Flash- wow that is eye opening what you said about children being available kn January, sad. Our social worker said a smiliar thing and she tried to be pc but she commented that it is can be an adopters market place sometimes. (like a buyers market). Not sure how true thus is though. Oh congrats on knowimg about panel!! that is fab!!
Cantwait--wow that is really exciting, cannot wait to here more!! Good luck, !!! 
xx


----------



## peacelily

Wow, Nutmeg - that was very similar to our DS    how exciting. Blue or pink?!  Will you be subject to the usual "not before Christmas" delay?

Peacelily xx


----------



## nutmeg

Yep Nick they were the same forms we had to fill in too, although we did them before prep sessions.

CWTBAM - We're with our LA.
PL - Pink    I've pm'd you. The impression we're getting at the moment is that it will hopefully be a pre Christmas move    but I can't actually see how that would be possible.


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi all,

Just an update our end......I'm afraid it's back to the drawing board for us with our application for littlie no.2  .

We received a letter yesterday to say that the LA who we had an initial visit with 2 weeks ago would not be able to take our application further. They added that they felt we had a lot to offer but as we were unable to take on a sibling group or a child with specialised needs they felt unable to proceed with us at this time (the same as our own LA). 
We completely understand the whole 'having to address the needs of the children coming through the system at any one time' speech but they knew that we couldn't take on a sibling group or a child with specialised needs prior to sending out a sw for an initial visit  . 

They did say originally that (just like our own LA) they had closed their books to applications for the 0-2 age range but would consider making an exception for us as we were experienced adopters and had the added benefit of being out of area. We did feel all along that they would say we were too restrictive for them (with having a child to consider already) but still they decided to continue with an initial visit. The SW who came to us did try to bully us into committing to things we weren't happy with (quite fundamental things) and as we wouldn't budge I suppose they decided we were after all not what they wanted. It seems very much that they went along with us hoping that we might change our minds and agree to siblings etc, obviously the age range cannot be changed (due to the required age gap) so we really feel as if they wasted our time and gave false hope to be honest.
As I say, I totally understand that each individual LA have to meet the needs of their specific children etc, but with a national shortage of adopters it really should be a bit more centralised when tried and tested adopters can't even get a foot in the door and get turned away! A bit bonkers!  

She made all the right noises about our home, little man's room (which will be our new lo's room), us as a couple etc etc, but at the end of the day I think they came with the goal to change our minds about certain things and hoped we would agree to terms we didn't feel comfortable with.

It's now on to 'plan B' as we still have our info eve booked with another LA in November, and then plan 'C & D' as we have 2 other LA's that may be possibilities. After that we now have a list of a few more to ring, but we're going to just see how it goes with our shortlist of the 3 we have at the mo'.

All the above said, we were very strangely totally ok with their decision as we firmly believe that things like this happen for a reason, so this just means our lo isn't with that particular LA and we weren't actually meant to be with them. It's just a bit annoying to have to go back to square 1 that's all   , hey ho.

I'm going to attempt to catch up on here over the next couple of days as this thread seems to be moving at a far quicker pace atm and I've lost track a bit   

Nutmeg....good luck for this evening    x

Anj x


----------



## snapdragon

Nutmeg: thats great, I guess with the child being so young they would be less concerned with placing close to Christmas.

I found out last night that others in our la are getting matching panels much quicker than us. We were told early Sept they were booked up to Dec but have found out a couple matched a month after us bring their lo home next week and they are not the only ones. These are young babies and our lo will have been in care 21 months when we have intros in Jan. I'm actually concerned there is something going on I don't know about. We still don't have an up to date CPR. Sw has been on holiday but back now and not been in touch. She has contacted other couples she is working with just to let them know she is back but not us. I'm going to email her today.


----------



## liveinhope

Right lovely ladies I need some ideas

We have SW's for our boy's half sibling coming to see us in couple of weeks with a view to looking at placing 2nd child with us.  Have any of you ladies who have adopted twice got any good resources/books to read about 2nd time placments and preparing older child (who in our case is 2 and 4months) ? Im pretty sure this is an area that they'll ask about and I'd like to be prepared for this by doing some reading around it.  Any ideas welcome please

Oh and keep your fingers crossed    that 2nd littley will come home to us too.

Well done to those ladies with matches!  Your lives will change forever but will be worth it

xx


----------



## Anjelissa

Hi liveinhope,

I asked the very same question (on another thread) a few weeks back and it appears there are very few books covering this specific topic. There are quite a few on a new baby coming along when you have one child already (as in birth families), not all of the information will be appropriate etc, but I'm sure there would be sections on sibling rivalry and preparing the existing child for a new arrival that may be relevant. We haven't chosen our books yet but after looking on Amazon there appears to be quite a choice, just not any specific to adoption though. 

Please let me know if you find any good ones and I'll do the same   

Anj x


----------



## liveinhope

Will do Anj - just trying to get ahead because the initial conversations we've had with our worker seem to focus almost excessively on our boy, which I understand but given his age we havent said much too him as he wont be able to take it in and as yet we dont have timescales to work to (and it still might not happen!)

Sorry to hear the first LA arent proceeding with you; like you say it seems ridiculous when you are experienced adopters and nationally there are children waiting for homes.  I know you'll stick with it though....

xx


----------



## Loubieloo

Hi guys and gals, hope u all ok wowsers only been away for day and lots happened, good luck and with matches, home studies etc sorry cant remember all names I'm hopeless  
Welllll a little further on our journey, we got profile early this week feel quite a strong feeling towards lo, and we shown our interest, sw rang today to say lo sw pleased with our par and is sending CPR to oz   omg am gob smacked some happy news...  The only thing am not sure on is do other people also get CPR of the child who has shown interest or is it just selected people?? Xx


----------



## Dreams do come true

LoubieLoo - exciting  Fingers crossed this is the one x

Liveinhope - EVERYTHING crossed for you x 

Snapdragon - it seems so wrong  Your LO should be at home with her forever mummy and daddy x

Anjelissa - sorry that you're struggling with LAs, I struggled to - ours don't place in there area, others wouldn't place outside unless we considered hard to place LO's  We went with a VA in the end, it has it's down sides but mostly up sides!

Nutmeg - I'm so excited for you, how amazing would it be for you to have LO by Christmas!!!!!!! Everything crossed that this goes your way x x Have you seen LOs CPR, you're LA match very quickly...you lucky devil  

Lolly - good luck with HS x

Frangipany - 18 pets, new house....adoption, you're brave  Good luck hun x

Nm2b - 6 months will fly by, LO by next Christmas    

AFU - we're totally in love with the sibling group, LOs family finders like our PAR, passed on to LOs sw's now - waiting for feedback. We've not 100% sure about whether we're right for them, simply because of the worry over coping with two - our SW knows this and said that if we feel strongly about LOs that we should stick with it, see what LOs sw says then make our decision - she said it won't be frowned upon if we decide not to proceed when we find out more from LOs sw's. We are in love with them, and have absolutely no concerns about the children and loving them, givin g them what they need...just a little nervous about two very young lOs. SW is still going to send us profiles x

Can't stop watching my phone, watching for emails pinging in...  

Watching Eastenders....what do you think of the baby story line?


----------



## AoC

Loubieloo - it depends on how the child's SW plays it, no hard and fast rules!

Anjelissa, that makes me so mad!  The children that need homes are in the thousands, and adopters only in the hundreds.  They need you!  Are there any VAs in your area you might consider, too?  It's no longer the case that they only place hard to place or older children any more...

We filled out our APR to go to matching panel today.  And I went and bought nappies.

Rock n roll....


----------



## Dreams do come true

AoC - Nappies for YOUR baby, so must feel SO good   I can't wait to do that! 

My furniture is being delivered and assembled tomorrow - then I am going to set all of the toys up and make the bed/cot...jumping the gun a little I know, but I am too excited. If we have the siblings, I need another bed and need to decorate another bedroom and buy MORE toys


----------



## Loubieloo

Cwtbam, thanks fingers toes arms legs and ears crossed this is the one... I hope u find out more info soon too the waiting is unreal x haven't watched eastenders tonight been gossiping on the phone lol!! 
Me and dh have too sorted lo room out but not accessorised it due to not knowing what we will have but it's fab feelin buying toys dh had lots of fun think he liked them for him lol!
Aoc, thanks too, I wish they had 1 rule for all... Nappies wow can't wait to go down the baby isle and actually buy something   x


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi Just wanted to say some fantastic news on here today!! fingers crossed for you all!! xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone,

Nutmeg, 4 months! What a lovely age. I have everything crossed for you.

Angelisa - really sorry. Why does common sense not prevail in these situations? Take care and good luck with the LA's

Hi to everyone else. I'm on phone so struggling to catch up tonight but hope you are all well.

AFU, the profiles were sadly not a match. Both LO's were beautiful but in both cases having a female primary carer was a bit of a no go and they would both have needed to be an only child (according to profiles). We just hope that they find their forever families soon.

We are still waiting on ratification, hopefully that will come soon as I am phone/email watching like crazy. I was so chilled (well for me anyway) during assessment but now we are approved I am finding the waiting so difficult and it's only been a week......what is wrong with me?!

Anyway enough of my ramblings, take care everyone.

Greenie xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

I've got the feeling...I know how I know if they're the right children now!!!!!!!!!!!

Just had another profile, and hopefully this is it....I am shaking with excitement, crying, hearts beating really fast...

Siblings, but this time I have no concerns, no worries which tells me that the other LO's are not the ones for us. The right mummy and daddy is out there for them, they are scrumptuous little pumpkins and as sad as it is to say 'no' I know it's best for them.

These LO's are 4 mth old girl and 18 mth old boy....and they have made my heart melt. FINGERS TOES LEGS ARMS EARS CROSSED these are the ones, I hope so, I REALLY REALLY DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## crazyspaniel

Ah CWTBAM,
hope they are going to join your family, you sound sooo excited!!


----------



## Flash123

Cant wait - OMG indeed!!!! 4 & 18 months. Whata dream. You have made me go all goose pimply so i cant imagine how you feel. Fingers crossed everything goes as you are dreaming it to go

Anj - It does make me mad - there are so many LO in desparate need of loving families - you are a loving family in need of a lo. Simples one would think! But i totally agree with your attitude - things happen for a reason.

Greenie - Sorry things havent worked out but that is because YOUR special someone is still waiting for you. They will be as perfect for you as you are for them.

Hello to everyone else


----------



## Flash123

Nappies - wow - ive drempt of that moment for so long. 

Sad i know but sometimes i do just wander through the baby isle planning and dreaming but i think everyone is looking at me thinking 'WIERDO!!!!'


----------



## Arrows

CWTBAM, that's exactly how I felt with our LO! Best of luck. 
LO is currently asleep but has been a nightmare  at night -last night he was up almost every hour. Beyond exhausted.


----------



## peacelily

CWTBAM - how exciting!

Arrows - have you asked your health visitor for advice, or perhaps even the GP?  Was his sleep this disturbed at his FCs? Sending you    Our DS had disturbed sleep for a few nights, but then seemed to settle down. Is he in your room? Does he have dream feeds or do you give him milk at night? Could it be hunger perhaps?

Peacelily xx


----------



## blueytoo

CWTBAM - fantastic news!! Hope the legal situation on the 4mth girl is sorted already so that it moves quickly for you!!  

Nutmeg - fantastic news for you as well, hope it all moves quickly for you too   

Arrows - how old is your LO?   

Hope everyone is doing ok, I get a bit lost with this thread as it moves quickly sometimes.

AFM - my last home visit was three weeks ago and SW spoke to my DS, he's 14 nearly 15. He said some amazing things and she told him he will make a fantastic big brother. He and I have also decided to say yes to concurrency as an option.

The PAR has been with my social worker's manager for a couple of weeks now so I'm just waiting to hear back about when I can see it. My social worker has been on the ball, she had finished it except for the bit to do with my DS some weeks ago now and she bought the health and safety bit for me to check ages ago too. It's just her manager we're waiting for. My medical was last week and all was fine and my GP sent it back the same day so hopefully panel on 12th December is still going to go ahead but social worker said the medical adviser at their end is really slow, so risk it may not happen.


----------



## Dreams do come true

Got to wait until Tuesday for full CPRs, but childrens SWs know that we are MORE than keen      

Flash - Nappies, the baby aisle, it's the things dreams are made of...us ladies have waited so long! Enjoy 'sneaking' down the baby isle (like I do ) and enjoy thinking...I'll be buying that soon, for the most loved and wanted LO ever  It won't be long hun x

Blueytoo - Panel 12th December, how exciting, what a fantabulous Christmas you and your lovely 'big brother to be' will have  Glad everything's going well for you x

Arrows - I have been asking myself 'how we know it's the right one(s)'...and my word we know, it's amazing, it's like someone up there  is helping me 

Greeniebop - the right LO for you is out there, this was our 10th profile and I got upset yesterday and my sw assured me that we will see ALOT more, and so will you x

AFM....working from home today, although can't concentrate and have been setting toys up in the nursery  The nursery is finished almost, hopefully we'll need to do another one...!

Updated photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/show/

/links


----------



## nutmeg

CWTBAM - amazing news so happy for you    Keep yourself busy over the weekend an Tuesday will be here before you know it. Is anyone else in the running or only you?

Greenie - sorry none of the profiles are right for you, your LO will find you soon (())

Bluey - So pleased things are progressing well for you.

Arrows - hope you get a good nights sleep soon.

AFU : Well DH is brimming with excitement. Our main concern was with regards to the parents changing their minds as they relinquished their child, but an order has also been put in place now, so that's a HUGE relief. I'm not getting too excited until we've met SWr next week (or week after). They're not considering anyone else but they may not like us when they meet us or they may disclose something worrying not in the CPR? So still not quite believing it!! I think we may be bringing our baby home soon though


----------



## Dreams do come true

Thank you Nutmeg! I just hope it works out, we're supposed to be going to India in 5 weeks :s, but will cancel if it clashes with any adoption stuff 

I'm so excited for you  Fingers crossed for you and your DH   I tall sounds great, you'll have bubba in your arms in no time x


----------



## newmum

CWTBM wow how exciting for you. The nursery looks lovely. Will your two LO share a room. We've got a small room for our LO because my two SS have the other rooms at weekends. I sometimes wish they may swap but also feel bad because we have just moved into a new house and they choose their room and stuff. Mind you my eldest SS said he would share rooms. Bless. 

Nutmeg fingers crossed for you

Flash think I may start to wonder down the baby isle. Why not eh?

Arrows hope you and LO get done rest. Have you seeker any advise? 

AFM I've got my next visit on two weeks time by the SW. Just seems to drag. Does anyone know what stage on the home assessment the medical tests happen?

Hi to everyone

Nm2b x


----------



## Dreams do come true

Thanks NM2B, they won't share - I'll decorate the other spare room, I know exactly how I'm going to do it if everything goes to plan with these LOs 

I got my medicals out of the way early as I was worried about being 'big boned'  

Get wandering dow the baby aisle, it feels good  I have been buying baby products (sneakily) and now everyone says not to use them as the range is too fragranced - but atleast I've had the joy buying it


----------



## AoC

I avoided the baby areas of shops for YEARS.  The last month I've been wandering about like a princess in fairyland.  I even get excited about buying nappy sacks!

CWTBAM yay!  I know not everyone gets that instant connection (and that's more than okay) but it's amazing when it happens, isn't it?  Lots of things crossed this link works out for you, and you're decorating the second room soon!  Mind you, doesn't it depend if they're sharing in their current placement?  You might want to have them share for a few months and then split them?  And littlest littley may still be in a moses basket in the carer's room?  *wiggle*  My mind's running wild, so excited for you!

*waving to everyone*


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

AOC - can't wait to be a 'princess in Fairyland'. I know I'll feel wonderful. For many years I have avoided all baby like stuff as it hurts so much to see in front of me all I want!

Cantwaittobeamommoy - read in one of your post .... 'sneak down the baby isle' I do this too!!!! Its a weird feeling even though we've been approved for 3 months now I still feel I shouldn't be there! Lol I'm glad someone else does the same    Good luck with the next bit!   

So many Happy stories on here....bring it on. I am so so (im)patiently Waiting!! This is how I feel at the moment...    

Noodles x    (lol it seems I am icon happy today!)


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Any time I feel a bit down this thread is an instant pick me up.  So happy for everyone's lovely news, and to those still waiting I hope that news is on the horizon     

I have finished my homework and it is like my dissertation all over again   Poor SW    Now DF needs to do his, I said I will take him to watch skyfall as a reward for when he has finished!!  At the moment he is playing fifa...    Want to get it sent Monday so she has time to trawl through it all for Thursday!


----------



## someday

i agree Lolly - it's a great place to come when you are felling down. Lots of positive news here. Lovely to hear about all the little ones being or about to be placed. Very exciting.

AFU We are still waiting (yes it has only been nearly 3 weeks). SW called this week to see how we are doing. Apparently the signing off person has been ill so we should get our letter of approval this coming week. She said it will not be long until we have a match, there is alot of legal stuff to go through. I take it this means they have a match for us but are not yet ready to say! She said once she tells us about it and when we say yes things will happen very quickly. I really hope its soon!


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi Just a quick one. Anyone struggle to agree on age bracket with their other half!! I would like 0-5 and Dh is adament on 0-10. So confusing. I see all his perspectives, ie we have a lot of love yo give so why not take on a child who is older and less likely to get chosen etc. I would prefer a child who is younger and may adapt imore to a new family. Amoung other reasons of course. Any advice gratefully recieved. x


----------



## GERTIE179

HI Frangipany,
My DH and I agreed on age bracket but we have found since being approved that even with the age a category we have diff opinions at times.  Has DH researched the issues experienced by adopters of older ones - not to put off but just to ensure he is realistic rather than being altruistic as it were.  The age at panel recommendation is just that a recommendation but if you go with 0-10 and dont fully support it you may feel bad when you see profiles of ones older than you imagined.  
Have you considered siblings?  There can be at times older ones with ayounger sibling which would give you both the age you were looking for but come as much more work obviously and have their own needs.
Just some different opinions as you seem to still be discussing this unless you are at a stalemate 
Good luck - this process really digs deep on things you didnt expect to not be on the same page with doesnt it
G xox


----------



## snapdragon

Frangipani: we started the process thinking of adopting a lo, age 4-7 but on finding out more about the increase in adoption breakdowns with children age around 7 and up decreased our age range to 2.5-5, and are actually matched with a lo who will be 23 months on placement. My la don't even have children above 7 available for adoption. To give you some idea for children under 5 breakdowns are in single figures, for 7/8 year olds rise to around 20% and for 9/10 year olds as high as 50%. I also think panel would want you to narrow it down a bit. Bare in mind that you gaive an age preference but everyone is now approved for 0-18 years.


----------



## bluebabe

Just a quickie to say how pleased I am to hear of more approvals and matches, hang on in there everyone xxx
We have been mama and daddy for three months now and it has flown past in a whirl.  The lo's personalities have blossomed and they so quickly pick up our mannerisms and copy the way we talk it's amazing.  We have good days and bad but we take each one as it comes, it's funny cos the baby torments the other one haha.  It's our 11th wedding anniversary today and we went to a local city farm with two of my nieces and had such a lovely time I have to pinch myself sometimes, it's really happening I am really a mummy and it's great xx


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Lovely to hear from you bluebabe and happy anniversary.

I have decided to stop stressing and to enjoy the calm before the storm and stop phone watching/email checking. Our SW will get in touch when there is something to know. So tonight I am marking coursework, not exactly a fun way to spend a Saturday evening but DH is out and it needs doing

Enjoy your weekends x


----------



## someday

Greeniebop said:


> Lovely to hear from you bluebabe and happy anniversary.
> 
> I have decided to stop stressing and to enjoy the calm before the storm and stop phone watching/email checking. Our SW will get in touch when there is something to know. So tonight I am marking coursework, not exactly a fun way to spend a Saturday evening but DH is out and it needs doing
> 
> Enjoy your weekends x


can I join you?


----------



## peacelily

someday said:


> Greeniebop said:
> 
> 
> 
> Lovely to hear from you bluebabe and happy anniversary.
> 
> I have decided to stop stressing and to enjoy the calm before the storm and stop phone watching/email checking. Our SW will get in touch when there is something to know. So tonight I am marking coursework, not exactly a fun way to spend a Saturday evening but DH is out and it needs doing
> 
> Enjoy your weekends x
> 
> 
> 
> can I join you?
Click to expand...

And me please!!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Join me? I am presuming you mean in the 'not stressing out' but rather than marking coursework!!! I am more than happy to post some to you if you fancy it I've abandoned it for X-factor!! I am feeling so old...it's all teenagers on there by all account!!


----------



## someday

def on not stressing. gave up on x factor a couple of years ago. best thing i did!


----------



## HannahLou

Hi ladies! Hope you are all having a nice weekend! I was very naughty yesterday and brought a baby blanket, I havnt even had my first home study yet haha but it was only from primark so I figured it wouldn't be too much of a waste if it all goes pear shaped! 

Adoption was on the radio this morning, a man from baaf saying how children who are older have no chance of a home  sad story. 

H x


----------



## newmum

Hi HannaLou   happy shopping


----------



## Flash123

Newmum - our medical were completed at start of hs. La sorted it really quickly. Sent fors to gp and gp were on the ball too - think it because they got paid for them  

I'm sure they'd sort yours soon if you gave them a ring. Because of my endo issues I was pleased to get them off to la medical advisor so we can sort any issues that arise.


----------



## HannahLou

I keep finding myself on adoption uk boards and becoming quickly and thoroughly depressed!!!


----------



## peacelily

HannahLou - STEP AWAY FROM THOSE BOARDS     


Peacelily xx


----------



## HannahLou

My OH is about to confiscate my phone to stop me reading stories about adoption ruining lives and destroying marriges! 

H x


----------



## Flash123

Hannah - our sw made us promise to banish those boards to the depths of the universe. 
I think there are some very worthwhile posts on there but having discussed the more 'depressing' and sometimes 'downright frightening' posts with her she said they really seem to be the worst case scenarious.

As peacelily said -    STEP AWAY NOW


----------



## Arrows

HannahLou, seriously, stay on this board instead. Lots and lots off support and positivity.


----------



## Frangipanii

Just wanted to say a big thanks to Snapdragon and Gertie! The advice helped a lot and we have done quite a bit of talking about the points you mentioned!We are definately going with siblings or more and we have decided on the age bracket of 0-4ish. I think u both gave us a lot to think about so I thank you for that. 
Finding the six month wait after ivf a bit ridiculous at the moment! Been trying to be a mum for SO long it shouldnt make a difference. I know you have to wait to grieve but seriously I did my grieving the first time I lost a baby and nothing could come close to that loss. I have weird bits that do destroy anything growing in my womb, stopping ivf was the biggest relief ever! sorry for rant but just feel upset that i have yet more waiting to do! 
I agree thr boards are mentally harmful!! 
Had a weird weekend and huge barney with Dh so feeling a bit low. 
Hope everyone else had a lovely weekend!!
much love f x x x


----------



## Flash123

Frangipany - I know what you mean about the wait. I havent lost a baby and i cant even begin to imagine how it feels. DH have said on so many occassions that despite everything we have been through we are so grateful that we haven't had to experience that utter heartbreak. those of you who have gone through it i simply admire you because You must be so strong.

I found the wait hard and felt it was completely unnessessary but i now know i couldnt have done what we are doing presently a couple of months ago. A few of the la's we approved had a blanket wait of 6 months since last treatment. We re-approached our la in aug (our cycle failed in May) because I knew i was ready then. They were fab, they looked at us as individuals, which is how i think it should be. I can imagine how frustrated you must be feeling. I hate barny's they upset me for ages. Sending you hugs. x


----------



## GERTIE179

Happy shopping ladies - I'm afraid I'm too superstitious so not planning on buying until we get a linking meeting and know we're the only ones involved.

Frangipani - glad u found advice useful. Remember when you look at profiles you might be drawn outwith your recommended ages. I know the wait is difficult by there are lots of waiting involved in adoption so it's sometimes worth planning some things to do in between. I tackled clear out cupboards and some DIY and did little bits at a weekend just to pass time! Hopefully you can get a date for initial meeting/prep course and not have that to look forward to :-D
X


----------



## bambinolove

HannahLou - Completely agree with you and all the others, the AUK Forums are a depressing place. My SW tried to tell me to use them so I told her no, they were full of negativity and not supportive at all. This place gives you an honest answer to a question without harping on about all the bad bits of adoption. The only reason I go on AUK is for CWW these days.


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi lovelies!!
Gertie- we have prep course booked, Home study starts in January and we havr been allocated a lovely Sw. Also started some of the checks and are doing medical soon!! So it is going along! Think I was just a bit miserable yesterday cos dh being a pain in the bum!!! I think you are right I need to keep busy! Moving house in four weeks so I am sure I will be moaning then about being tooooooo busy!!
I agree about the superstition of buyin things - although dh bought a nursery rhyme book when I was pregnant! So we have that. Thanks for your thoughts x 
Flash- thanks you for what you said.I am going to take your thoughts and keep them in my head.. ie waiting some time makes sense. I think i am strong in some ways but too weak in others. I draw strenght from believing in adoption having been adopted and I am grateful for that!! As for the Barny it is still in the air but calmer...not sure the issue is something we can ever agree on and we are both completely stubborn  but at least it is not adoption or having children we disagree about!!. thanks x
I think this thread is keeping me bubbling about adoption so I thank you all for that¡¡
much love fx


----------



## newmum

Hey frangipany


I totally agree with you about believing in adoption. I was also adopted and think I was so lucky after meeting my BM in my 30's. I've always thought I would adopt myself and draw strength from this thought also


Nm2b x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thank goodness you have all said that about AUK... very useful in some respects, and actually very anti-adoption in others


----------



## HannahLou

glad its not just me ladies


----------



## pumpkin23

Evening everyone

Well work have screwed me over with my Adoption pay after changing their minds, I'm only getting SAP.    But I suppose it's better than nothing.

We are 4 days and counting away from matching panel and I'm getting really nervous now, a big part of me is scared that they will say no (I know they wouldn't waste time and money putting us through panel) but that doesn't stop the worrying!

We finished decorating little man's room yesterday and we both keep finding each other having a look in there, it seems so surreal.

If all goes to plan on Friday we meet him on 19th, so a fortnight today. It's been a long time coming for us but it is finally happening and we get to have him home for Christmas and then his 3rd Birthday in January.

Good luck everybody whatever stage you are at, hang in there we did and it paid off.

Pumpkin


----------



## nutmeg

Oh pumpkin that sounds fabulous, what an amazing Christmas you're going to have. I know the next couple of weeks will drag, but it will be here before you know it.

About to read through the last couple of pages as I've not been online for the weekend, but Hello to all    hope everyone is well and has had a good bonfire weekend.

We got our ratification through on Saturday. I've been on a course all day today and was consistently peeping on my silenced phone! No calls though. Maybe SWr couldn't get hold of LO's SWr but hopefully I'll hear tomorrow. Happily and hopefully bubbling away!!!!


----------



## Poppets Mammy

Hello everyone,

Still in Canada but still reading and keeping up to date. Hoping to hear from SW in the next few days as to whether we have been chosen for our LO or not. So the frantic email checking has recommenced   

Made a little purchase today, still haven't really bought anything properly as waiting for the green light (I'm itching to hit those shops  ) but wanted to bring a little Canada home with us for our LO and saw some great books. Got a lovely 'Twas the night before Xmas' book, brought tears to my eyes while flicking through it so just had to buy it.

I'll keep you all updated. Will be better with personals once back in UK


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

Hi everyone.

Lots of lovely news on here. We're still waiting for official 'yes' letter or any contact from SW so am hoping by writing it here it may bring some news tomorrow (crazy I know but it worked last time!!).
Lots of fireworks going off and DH is out playing squash so I am yet again marking coursework, I shall be so glad when it's over! Am envying the purchases, your little ones will have some lovely and pretty things to welcome them home. We made one purchase over the weekend (we were doing it anyway so not really a 'baby purchase') a 'family car' to replace my little one. I was really sad to see it go but very excited to hopefully one day see car seats in my mirror 

Good luck to those of you with special moments coming up.


Greenie x


----------



## Ourturn

Hello ladies
Can I join you? You seem to be a lovely supportive bunch. Adoption UK put the fear of god into me! Just waiting for info evening with our LA (less than 2 weeks as long as initial checks come back in time) 
My LA seems to have a very poor adoption record. Numbers have been around the 20's rising up to mid 30's in 2010. Yet the area it covers is huge. There are huge estates of social housing which were built as an overflow for a major city 30 miles away. 
When I called up and questioned this they said its why the process has been changed (Thank god). They have a lot of children in long term care. The LA is using an agency who have taken control and the time to approval has been cut from 18 -24 months to 6-9 months  I did say we were looking at VA's and the lady turned into sales mode. I asked if being in our 40's would mean we'd only be considered for older children (DH will ONLY consider babies/toddlers). Was very honest saying I didn't want to waste their time and would look elsewhere. She assured me this was not the case. All in all the phone call I had with the agency was a million times more positive than the call I had with a SW in the LA last year  
Anyway, I have done LOADS of research and think I have a pretty good idea of the process. I know they will probably try and put us off at the info evening. My dh's is lagging behind (as is usually the case...he didn't have a clue about ivf, immunes etc I whereas a consultant told me I could teach his students). His main worry is that our child/children would be overly concerned about finding their birth parents when they're teenage. My response is that as we'll be honest with them (re adoption) and we'll do such a fantastic job with them, this should be a non issue, or a passing one at most? 
Thanks everyone. 
x


----------



## HannahLou

Hi ourturn, welcome!! I think your point about finding parents is inevitable, they are going to want to know who they are eventually but with postbox contact every year they will at least avoid the 'hero worship' which I think would be the main issue. 

H x


----------



## newmum

Hi and welcome ourturn, I think you and DH has a point about meeting birth parents. Being adopted myself I did in my 30's with the support of my Mum. I think these days contact is much different and starts much earlier, I think this is better so you don't have the curiosity for so long. My mum is my mum and I've never seen my birth mum since though have kept on touch with some relatives. 

Pumpkin 23 what a shame about your adoption leave I think it's really unfair and you should get the same as maternity. What is your maternity package? At least you will get SAP. I'm really lucky my company maternity and adoption package are the same 

Hi everyone else

Nm2b x x


----------



## Ourturn

HannahLou - that's makes sense, and I guess if they understand the background they came from they'll be less likely to fantasise about it?

Newmum - valuable perspective thank you! Reassuring that you see your adoptive Mum as Mum 

Pumpkin - companies don't have to provide adoption leave on the same levels they do maternity leave:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2012/jun/27/adoptive-families-left-in-the-dark
I think this is outrageous and morally wrong given that adopters HAVE to take the time off to attach and do not have the option of coming back early and using nurseries. I don't understand why the government won't change the law to put adoption and maternity leave on the same footing. I'm working part time (applying for full time roles) but if all goes well and we get through the process and matched I probably won't be entitled to adoption leave as I won't have been working there long enough...however if I had been pregnant this would not be the case 

/links


----------



## nutmeg

Welcome Ourturn and hello everyone else.

SWr just called and LOs swr is coming to see us next Thursday    which is fabulous although I have to say that seems like aaaaaages away right now!!! We will meet with our swr again before then so we can finalise our list of questions for her, but it's all looking mighty positive right now and hopefully she'll like us when she visits!


----------



## Greeniebop is a mummy

lovely news nutmeg - good luck x


----------



## Frangipanii

Just wanted to say I felt disgusted growing up and people asking where my real mum was. For me it is not dna thst matters but the person who loves you more than life that is a parent! I am nothing like my biological mother who i know some things about, but I am like my REAL  parents- the people who have treasured me my everyday!! I have much better relationship with my parents than all my friends with theirs! Dna doesnt mean anything .....love does! Just wanted to put that perspective on it, hope it is not too honrst! x


----------



## HannahLou

Frangipanni that was a lovely post, I'm going to show it to my OH when he gets in from work  

Good luck nutmeg, what a quick link! This week will drag terribly for you but enjoy your last few weeks of sleep! 

H x


----------



## Ourturn

Nutmeg - that must be very exciting, good luck! 


Frangipany - your post is very very reassuring, thank you


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Allowed myself to walk through the children's toy and book section in Tesco today (first time!)  Picked up a book called 'I'm Happy'.  Opened it and the page I was on said 'I'm happy when I cuddle my mummy'.  That second 'things can only get better' blared out of the speakers.  Yay!


----------



## HannahLou

Its not long for your first home study lolly, good luck! X


----------



## Anjelissa

Frangipany....what a lovely post, thank you for sharing your feelings with us, it's so lovely to hear  .
If our little man grows up feeling the same way as you then I know we have done something right   
Anj x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Even less for you Hannah!!! Good luck straight back at cha!

Frang, that is a lovely thing to say and made me all gushy! 

Fantastic news as ever on here, I get so excited reading your stories!  Good luck to those meeting with SWs soon, they will, of course, LOVE you!


----------



## Dreams do come true

Loubielou...WOW! How exciting, so are you officially linked?   How old is LO, pink or blue?

Frangipany...lovely post  

Lolly...did you buy the book, THAT is the question?  

Ourturn...Welcome!  Great name!

Nutmeg...YAY! Have you seen LO's CPR? And do you have an offical link? Your process (and Loubies) seems to be different to mine  Good luck on Thursday...good luck with the wait, waiting is killing me 

Greenie...usually when I say something it happens (apart from my lottery win and a couple of other things, lol) so here goes: I hope you find your LO soon, very very soon!   A family car...that's exciting  I have a little car...can't part with her yet, Beau's like my baby 

Can't wait...FINGERS AND TOES CROSSED! x

Good luck to everyone else x x x

AFU - was expecting the littles CPRs today, but they haven't arrived...hopefully tomorrow. Our sw has been fab, called me three times today to check I'm ok and to update me, the LO's sw has called our sw a few times to see if the CPRs have arrived...which must be a good thing! I am love with these LO's, I couldn't bear it if this doesn't work out. I have to have these children, so still got everything crossed.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

CWTBAM, I chickened out and didn't buy it, but made a big mental note, it will be mine one day, and fingers crossed, one day soon  

Wow your SW sounds fab, really do hope LOs CPRs come tomorrow... it all sounds so positive your end


----------



## AoC

Love that, Lolly!  I had lots of significant songs on the radio the day after meeting LO's SWers.  

Frangi, my Mum was adopted and she says the same - your Mum (and Dad!) are the ones who MOTHER and FATHER you, who are there for triumphs and setbacks, who guide and cuddle, play and discipline.  They're the ones who love you - love you as an active verb, meaning something you do, not only something you feel.

And we're going to love our LOs with everything we've got.


----------



## HannahLou

Eeeek just sitting waiting for my SW for our first home study, nervoussss! AoC its so true that love is an active verb, very well said  

H x


----------



## newmum

Hi everyone

Just asking a question just wondering if anyone has had private IVF whilst going through adoption? 

My DH has just thrown this on me and I am so confused as I thought we had decided on the adoption path and wouldn't want to ruin my chances. 

Just putting it out there

Thanks

Nm2b x


----------



## HannahLou

Hi newmum, it doesn't matter wether the IVF is private or not I'm afraid, the adoption path has to be the only route you are taking at the time and in my LA it has to be at least twelve months since any treatment at all including clomid, iui etc. Hope your DH's curveball hasn't thrown you too much  

H x


----------



## newmum

Thanks Hannah Lou 

Yeah I now you can't but DH is thinking of doing it without them finding out

Confused.com

men argh

Nm2b x


----------



## HannahLou

Ooohhh right I get you  well I suppose you could do it like that but then if you were 'found out' and the IVF didn't work out they wouldn't ever have you back and would possibly pass information onto other LA's? Or if the ivf did work and you had already been matched then would you pull out? I understand why you are so confused! 

Someone else will have some wise words for you soon I'm sure  

H x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hannah.... spill the beans!!!!  

AoC, what a lovely thing to say.  And so true as well.  Your mum sounds a fantastic role model, how loved your LO will be by everyone  

Newmum, wow, that is tricky.  I think that it is way too risky to be honest, and maybe indicates that he maybe isn't in 'that place' just yet?  I know it took my DF a lot of soul searching before he was fully committed to the adoption journey.  Maybe he is scared of the 'horror' stories, or maybe nervous that you would not get accepted - I have already found that irrational fears are very common during this process! - and this is his back up plan.  IVF and adoption are massively tiring and emotional processes, I think even if you could do both together it would break even the strongest person. Good luck hun, hope you can talk it all through.  Thinking of you  

Cantwait... any news?!!

Hi to everyone  

So had the busiest day EVER!  Came home and cleaned the house like a maniac ready for tomorrow and am currently collapsed in a heap contemplating a takeaway.... cooking is not so appealing right now


----------



## HannahLou

Hi lolly! It was really good and surprisingly theraputic actually!! She was 45 mins late but I will forgive her for being so nice  we just chatted about our friends and family and we had lots in common which was good, she said she doesn't give homework (phew) and because we are doing a new foster to adopt scheme she said they will be looking at matching us with an unborn baby!! So much going through my head I'm NEVER going to sleep tonight!! 

A takeaway sounds like a good plan! And a large glass of wine! 

H x


----------



## nutmeg

CWTBAM - DId your profiles turn up? Hoping so    Yes, I have to say I do like the way our LA works. They work VERY closely with a few other local LA and will only work with them where there is no competitive matching, so we know LOs SWr isn't looking at anyone else at this stage. Plus, we would only ever see one profile at a time so we don't get to "choose". If our SWr sees a profile he thinks is a good fit he will discuss it with us and if it's not right, then he'll await another one.

I guess we do have an official match yes, eeeeeeeeeeeeek! Although we don't yet know when MP will be, I'm hoping we will get lots more details with regards to dates etc next Thursday. Neither we nor our SWr can see any major problems that could come up and change things but I guess her SWr could hate us    

Hannahlou - your first session seemed to go so well, great news!

Lolly - good luck for tomorrow, I'm sure all will be fine.

Newmum, I agree with Lolly and wouldn't consider running the adoption process and IVF concurrently. The stress and worry this would put you under I would think would be unbearable. I think unless you're both ready to commit 100% to adoption, things wouldn't go smoothly and it wouldn't be a good starting place. Remind me, have you attended the prep sessions. If not, I would wait until after you have attended before you make any decisions.


----------



## newmum

Hi thank you all for your advice, which I've been reading out to DH so he can hear your opinions which ate exactly what I've been thinking and feeling. He had now said we will close the door on IVF thank goodness. I was feeling really bad about the whole thing and didn't think I could cope with the emotional side. So I really hope he's ok and is happy with his decision. I've got. My 3rd interview home visit Wednesday so now won't feel two faced at all when discussing adoption. I guess it takes longer for men to get their head around the fact we can't have babies naturally 

Hannah sounds a great first visit that's such a relief I bet 

Lolly hope you enjoyed your take away

Nutmeg how exciting for you your be fine 

Thank you again for all your advice 

Nm2b x


----------



## Frangipanii

Hannah lou -sounds amazing 'a new born'!!! Wonderful news!!glad hs went great!!

Newmum2b-think that is a good decision made!! Glad hs went well!!

Nutmeg-that is SO exciting!! Cant wait to hear what happens!!!xx

Lolly- good luck for tomorrow!!!

AoC - Love that commonality i have with your Mum and others on here!! And love love love love the comment love is a verb!!!And you are soooo right thst we will love our los with everythi v we have!!

Hi to everyone else!!! afm sorted some voluntary work out to keep me busy!! Neeed to sort medicals out soon!! Hubby and I not having barney any more but there is some confusion to things...not about adoption of course!! well not this argument. Actually we havent argued about adoption other than at the weekemd about ages!! So looking forward to progress and obviously so jealous about how some of you have progressed but OH SO HAPPY for you all!!
Hope everyone has a lovely eveninv and people enjoy their takeaways and wine etc te he!!!
love fx


----------



## Loubieloo

Hi guys hope u all well. Posted yesterday but then deleted it by mistake and couldn't get it bak so gave up so am going to try again! 
Well we have had some positive news nutmeg looks like we r at same stage as u we have been matched to lo apparently it's a 100% match and lo sw and family finder coming to visit us next week..... Omg I cannot believe it sooo excited also nervous that something is goin to go wrong as we have waited so long to be mummy and daddy and I do hope we r this lo mummy and daddy as lo is just beautiful  
To all u guys out there on the adoption journey hang in there cause last week I thought it would Neva happen and so much in 1 week can change xx 
Just wanted also to say fragpennie what an amazing post I hope my lo loves me as much ad u love ur mummy and daddy god am all emotional tonight!!!  xxxxx


----------



## Frangipanii

Loubielou- wow fabulosobrilliantwonderfulfantastic news!!! Can u give us any details!!! wow what a wonderful post to read. much love to you!!


----------



## Loubieloo

Thanks fragipany, i no potential lo is 4 months old   and beautiful  I pray it's our turn   xxx


----------



## Dreams do come true

Quick update from me...

SW came round tonight with the CPR, and it has confirmed what we thought, we are absolutely positively in love with these little ones   However, now we are not the only adopters who feel this way, they have got a few other adopters interested   Our SW says that the LOs SW was really positive about our profile and asked questions about us prior to the PAR been sent, our SW will get an update from the LOs SW tomorrow to understand our chances/position a little bit more. I hope that the LOs SW will decide to only meet one adopter (hopefully us), I guess it's back to waiting. In the meantime, we have given our absolute commitment to these children...we definitely want to proceed - hopefully their SW feels the same.

Back to CROSSING everything that is CROSSABLE!


----------



## newmum

Cantwait everything crossed for you

Loubieloo great news

X


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## Loubieloo

Cwtbam omg I sôooooooo hope all goes well I will keep everything cross able crossed!!!!   and thanku new mum to b xx


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## Frangipanii

Loubielou-wow four months! what a wonderful age! lots crossed for you!!
And for you Cantwait! So exciting!!! 
thinking of you both with hope and joy entwined together!! xxx
f x


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## VEC

New home this way everyone:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=297102.msg5240634#msg5240634


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