# Is it over before it's begun?



## mcclean (Mar 12, 2011)

I'm very upset and tearful again.

Today I had a counselling session for just 20 minutes (should have been an hour).  I got charged a poop load of money for nothing in my opinion!  During this I find out I get no help with finding donor sperm.  I get leaflets, some websites and off I pop.  Have I been naive or what?

How does one find black donor sperm?  So I can begin my treatment.

I'm just lost and I'm thinking should I just give the hell up now  .

Can anyone advise?  Tell me what to do?


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## Bambiboo (Oct 23, 2009)

Sorry to be brief but Im at work!

Id complain to the clinic and ask for another appt.  Your sessions sounds about as useful adn thorough as my session at the clinic.

Have you tried ESB or Xytex for sperm - you can import to clinics in UK.

Sure others will be on with more advice.  Don't give up - there are lots of options for you.

 

x x x


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## Teela (Jun 7, 2009)

Hi Mcclean

Both Xytex and European Sperm Bank have black donors, I popped on Xytex website last night and I think they had 3 black donors
that were UK compliant. If you find someone else importing it can really cut the cost down  There is always options and ways around things, never say never   

Teela   
x


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## Sima (Aug 10, 2008)

Hi McClean

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with your clinic.  

First of all clinics have to offer counseling for people using donor sperm, eggs or both.  This service is mandatory and is something required by the HFEA.  As it is mandatory you will generally find the service is free for anyone who is registered and having treatment at a fertility clinic (ie you can use the counselor at the clinic as long as you are registered with that particular clinic).  You should also be able to use the service as long as you are having treatment at the clinic.  I am surprised you got charged for the service but if this was the case and you did not get your full hour then I would definitely complain.  If it were me then I would not have paid as they have clearly not fulfilled their side of the contract.  To be honest with you I found both of my counseling sessions with my clinics to be useless.  They were more concerned that I had thought about the practical issues of raising a child on my own (which I had) and I had thought through using donor sperm/eggs (which I had).  Unfortunately the counselor will not be able to give you much advice about locating donor sperm.

Re donor sperm then its best you speak to the nurse who is in charge of managing the donor bank.  They should be able to tell you the mix of nationalities on their books.  When I started looking there was a real shortage of black donor sperm in the UK.  The London Women's Clinic had 3 black donors on their books (this was 3 years ago so it might be worth calling them now).  You would have to have treatment with them.  Alternatively you could import your sperm.  I imported sperm from Xytex.  It was very easy to do and a lot of UK clinics are set up to receive sperm from Xytex.  The beauty of Xytex is you get to see a photo of the donor and you have access to a lot of information about the donor.  The sperm takes less than a week to arrive from placing the order and Xytex will talk you through the forms etc.  Just start by speaking to your clinic to see if they have  a license to import sperm.  If not then I would probably move clinics unless you have a strong desire to use your particular clinic.

You could also try to advertise for a donor or ring round some of the other clinics to see if they have any black donors on their books.  

I'm sad to say there aren't too many black donors out there so be prepared for a poor selection.  Even with Xytex you might have some issues when looking at the photos since you might be looking for a donor of a particular skin tone so you will need to be open minded.  Some of the donors might be of mixed heritage given the US' rich history.  Oh Yes - I've just seen what Teela has written.  You can only import sperm from donors who are open id.  You can get around this by importing sperm into another European country such as Czech Republic and having treatment there if you wanted to use a non ID release donor.

I hope this is of help.  As the others have said never give up.  You will find a wealth of knowledge on here and there is always a way round.

Sima x


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## mcclean (Mar 12, 2011)

Thank you all for your replies.

Right now I still can't think straight.  These clinics know your so desperate and vulnerable to have a child and they just take advantage.  I am not rich or a bank!  I should have walked out without paying and I now feel like a right mug.  I gained nothing from the counselling session as I already knew the consequences of IVF and the **** regulations.  

And I still have to go searching for my own donor.  This have now made me feel very angry.  I left one clinic feeling like a cash cow now I seem to have fallen into another one.


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## Bambiboo (Oct 23, 2009)

Take a deep breath Mcclean!!!    This will get easier.  You need to do some research into your options.  This process is expensive - there is is no way around that Im afraid.  

Some clinics are better than others and different clinics appeal to different people, in UK or abroad.

You could consider having treatment abroad where its cheaper.  You can often still import your choice of sperm.

Have you considered egg sharing? (not sure how old you are but it can reduce the cost of treatment).

If you are that unhappy with the counselling why not write and complain and ask for a refund.  

Why not come to the singles meet in May (see separate thread) and meet some of us - you will get lots of advice and information.

Take care x


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## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

Hi


No it isn't over before it has begun. It is daunting but several of us singles having purchased donor sperm and exported it. I bought known donor id from Xytex and exported to Reprofit. My understanding in the UK is that at some places you have to go on a wait list for sperm so buying it yourself means that you get treatment quicker.


There are good clinics overseas, two I have experience of are Reprofit and Serum so have a look at those if you would consider going overseas.


Good luck.


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## RichmondLass (Apr 26, 2009)

McLean
This is a tough old journey.  There'll be a few frustrating times along the way I'm afraid.

The ladies on here have give you good advice.  You might try ringing round clinics in areas were there is a denser black population?  Browsing a few of the online banks should give you a few leads i would think.

Also, someone on here did go for treatment in Barbados which apparently has a very good clinic. There may be a Barbados thread - sorry don't know.

And there's South Africa...which Rose and Candee can fill you in on.

Abroad is definitely a good option if you want more hand holding.

Hope the right donor pops up for you!
RLx


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Hi  McClean    


unfortunately it does seem on this journey that you need to be pretty proactive, even when paying a clinic for a service! Its all a bit overwhelming to begin with.


The others have given good advice but I suspect your best option is to import from abroad to either a clinic here or overseas. My clinic had a license to be allowed to import sperm as they didn't have their own sperm bank.  I would imagine Xytek and ESB would have black donors, especially as ESB has now opened an american branch.


My experience of the clinic counsellor was pretty rubbish but it felt to me like just one more thing that had to be ticked off the list before you can begin treatment!!


Don't worry, you can do this.  We are all here to help where we can    


xxx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Which clinic were you at?? You need to find somewhere you are comfortable with & can meet your needs move clinics I'm on 5 th- as the girls said you need to be in the driving seat to get what you want - wishing you luck- my ff friend went to Barbados clinic - she's also black & has a beautiful son now- pm mr if you want her name & I can put you in touch x


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## mcclean (Mar 12, 2011)

Does the ************************* treat single women?

The website seems to just talk about couples.


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## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

Mclean are you talking about a clinic JJ recommended?


I am purchasing some from Xytex to export to Reprofit in the next couple of weeks.


x


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## mcclean (Mar 12, 2011)

Yes, Fraggles.

I didn't realise FF filters your posts.


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## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

How did they filter your post?


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## mcclean (Mar 12, 2011)

They removed the clinic I mentioned.


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## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

Mclean can recommend fertility tourism - holiday and fertility - mmm holidays will never be the same.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

if it is a clinic in barbados then FF does filter it out!


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## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

Am I missing something? What is the difference between a clinic in Barbados and one in Europe?


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## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

Apart from the geography of course?


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## Sharry (May 13, 2007)

There have been issues with a certain clinic so it is automatically filtered out.

Sharry x


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## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

Thanks Sharry.


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## SoozyQ (Feb 27, 2011)

Hi McLean,
Sorry you've had such bad luck with your clinic. I chose my donor from the http://donor.londonspermbank.com/ but you have to be a patient of London Women's Clinic (LWC) - they have clinics located in London, Darlington, Swansea and Cardiff. My experience with them so far has been extremely positive. The sperm bank catalogue allows you to filter the donors based on various physical attributes.
I gather not all clinics are supportive of the Choice Single Mother but don't let it get you down - I can't believe how many of us like minded ladies there are... stay strong 

/links


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## mcclean (Mar 12, 2011)

Hi SoozyQ,

Thanks for your message.

I didn't particularly like my experience at LWC.  However, I can see why women/couples flock there now.  They have sperm on tap.

This process is so expensive and very emotional.  

Right now, I just want to give up and forget but I know I will live with regret.  If I tried and it didn't work, I could live with that.  But not trying at all would probably put me into depression.


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## SoozyQ (Feb 27, 2011)

My GP recommended LWC but I tried 3 clinics closer to home first and nowhere has sperm, one even said they had a waiting list of approximately 18 months to 2 yrs! At that point the online catalogue was a sight for sore eyes.
You know I talked myself through that exact line of logic... To give it a shot or not to try and live with the consequences. I decided I couldn't leave it to chance and had to take the reigns but that's something you have to decide for yourself.
I administered my first injection today and I'm so excited I know I'm doing the right thing for me. If I'm unsuccessful then I'll reassess but for now I'm on the right path.
You mention depression if you don't try but what if you do try and it fails, do you think that'd be manageable?


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## mcclean (Mar 12, 2011)

I have no idea  .


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Have you considered importing sperm like many of the FFer have done here and abroad, if there are shortages at the clinic your have chosen, or if you wanted a wider choice?

Good Luck


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## mcclean (Mar 12, 2011)

♥JJ1♥ said:


> Have you considered importing sperm like many of the FFer have done here and abroad, if there are shortages at the clinic your have chosen, or if you wanted a wider choice?
> 
> Good Luck


JJ1, I have thought about this and now I realise as my choice is limited, I must widen my scope of donor.


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## julesbfd (Apr 26, 2011)

Hi
I too was looking for  black or mixed race donor but am now going to use a known donor.
The London Womens clinic have sperm at present, there are two afro caribbean donors and a number of african donors.
You have to have your teatment at the LWC to use their sperm thought.

Jules


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Julesbfd when you say known donor do you mean d
I'd release donor from the clinics bank or a friend you know? I used the latter
L x


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