# Such a scare



## jkh (Jun 14, 2006)

Hi FF
I have just had a terrible scare and it is on my mind so much I wanted to post to try and work through it here.

I had DE IVF and delighted to get BFP on 27th October. AT 6 weeks  (4 days ago) I had alot of bleeding including clots and had an awful night of no sleep, in shock and assuming the worst. Went for scan at EPU next morning and there was one sac with a heartbeat, I cannot describe the relief at this.
The scan also showed an area of haemorrage which needs to be monitored. I have a follow up scan later this week.

What seems to have happened is the loss of one foetus. I did have high hcg count suggesting possible twins  and I am convinced that what I saw in terms of clots was the right size and shape to be this.  Sorry if this is tmi but it was incredibly traumatic for me whe I realised what it was that I saw.
The people I saw at the EPU sais this was possibly what happened. 
I know noone can say for sure but I believe that this was a lost tiny being and I am of course very upset by this, though of course so happy there is still one there.

I had been happy at the thought of twins following my blood test even though I knew it was early days. 
But the worst thing is that I did something that seemed to trigger the bleeding.
I bent over to pick something up, it wasn't heavy but an awkward shape and angle and a bit bulky and I was not really thinking about what I was doing. As I lifted the thing up I felt a twang inside me and then it kept twinging for about an hour then the whole thing started. 
DH and a friend say that it probably would have happened anyway and that I shouldn't think this way. But I feel so responsible for doing something that meant I have lost this little one.

I have a 3 1/2 year old son who I have been picking up but have stopped this now, though I did forget one time and spent the whole evening and night worrying again that I might have done some more damage.

With my history I was cautiously happy to be pregnant again but now this has happened I feel in such a state of anxiety. 

I am doing meditation and yoga breathing every morning for about 45 mins ( as I am waking up ridiculously early) which helps.

I do feel I need some support but they don't seem to allocate midwives at this stage when you have a history of m/c. So I am feeling rather alone , as the clinic is in Spain.  

I am trying to focus on the beautiful little baby inside me but am also just so scared  about the future as well as upset at what has just happened.

Jules


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## emilycaitlin (Mar 7, 2006)

Hi,

I'm sorry that this has happened to you, but please be reassured that it didn't happen as a result of anything that you did.  Your uterus at that stage would not be a great deal bigger than before you were pregnant, and therefore not many muscles are stretched in supporting it.  Lifting heavy objects doesn't use any muscles surrounding your uterus, so this is not the reason why you miscarried.  It's awful that you aren't getting any support, Have a look at the Miscarriage assosciation website, (it'll come up on a google search).  They will be able to help you and give you the support that you need.  Even though you are still pregnant, it's often difficult for people to realise that you need to greive for this baby aswell as be happy.

Take care,

emilycaitlin xx


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## jkh (Jun 14, 2006)

Hi Emilycaitlin,
Thank you so much for your reply.
What you have said makes complete sense. It's just you read so much about not lifting things in pregnancy,  including early pregnancy, that you can become a bit neurotic about it all. You have given me a common sense perspective that I really needed.
Thank you also for acknowledging my loss and I will do some follow up on getting some support for myself.
Jules
x


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