# failed ivf cycle.



## nic68 (Apr 13, 2007)

Hi im a new member. have been ttc for 3 yrs and following tests was informed that i have unexplained fertility. had 3 failed iui cycles then decided to try ivf. first ivf cycle was end march and had 2 embryos put back, felt quite positive as we were told they were grade 1 which was the best they could be. after the dreaded 2 week wait devastation it hadn't worked  we have a follow up appointment on 1st may to arrange our next cycle. any advice from you out there who has been in the same situation or who is going through ivf would be appreciated. nicola


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Hi Nicola, I am so sorry you got a BFN hun   I too have unexplained infertility and it sucks   not sure what advice to give you as we all handle ivf differently and i'm afraid i didn't cope too well with all the stress of it all (i only managed it twice). All i can is say is take it one step at a time and don't bottle your feelings up, feel free to use this board to get any ranting out or pm me if you need to talk 

take care, pam xx


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## Maisie3 (Oct 2, 2006)

Hi Saphy

Really interested to read your post - I'm just finishing my 2nd IVF cycle - it is looking like a BFN- but you never know..........however if it is whilst I will probably go on for a while yet i am interested in your swap to adoption - part of me thinks why don't I just do that anyway - it seems crazy spending all this money on IVF when there are children who need a good home - however because the IVF option is there and because part of me may regret it if I don't do it I will doubtlessly keep beating my mind, body and marriage to pieces in the quest.

Sorry if this is a bit heavy just wondered how you came to make that leap after 2 goes and how you have found adopting - one of the issues seems to be age - ie we all want a baby just wondered what the age you would get is likely to be and b) these children are likely to have emotional/background issues which sounds a bit daunting

Thanks alot

Gini
x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Hi Gini

I'll try to answer your questions as best i can  

firstly after 2nd ivf failed i got a part time job in a shop but i only managed a week as i couldn't take seeing babies and pg women. I got myself so worked up and i sat and cried for days. My dh was my rock and because he had taken the negatives very badly he refused any more tx until we had had a year to get over the negatives and for us both to try to build our lives up again. After 3 months i just knew i could not go through tx again and we had started to discuss other options. i popped into our local authority adoption office and had an informal chat and picked up an info pack, that was it really i took the pack home we both read through and applied for a place on the next prep course.

The whole adoption process has run very smoothly for us (that doesn't mean we didn't worry or get impatient though) and we have been very lucky as our ds was only 14 weeks old when we brought him home. this was under very special circumstances and very rare for a baby this young to be placed but it does happen  and i have spoken to quite a lot of people who have been matched with children under 2 years old.

As for age i think they don't like more than a 45 year age gap between parent and child but you would really need to ask your agency if this applies 

All adopted children are going to at some point have some emotional issues over being adopted at some point in there life (or so i am told) for instance even if the child is removed at birth they may at some stage need reassuring that is wasn't because there was anything wrong with them that is was for whatever reason the birth parents could not meet their needs. obviously there are some very unfortunate children out there that will have deeper issues and problems caused by things they have experienced but you get to discuss and decide what issues you can and can't cope with. 

at the end of the day it's a very personal choice adoption or tx and for me adoptions was the best decision as i now have my life back although it's a very different life these days  and i am happy that we made the right decision for us and we will definitely be adopting again in a couple of years

sorry i have gone on a bit but i hope i have answered some of your questions

pam xx


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## Maisie3 (Oct 2, 2006)

Pam

Thats brillant - thank you - well it was a BFN and reading your response really cheers me up as I know I will be a mum one day somehow which is just great.........increasingly I do feel I would just like to adopt it just somehow feels like the right thing for me but it feels like a big jump when I do still have the option of IVF open...............hmm - we shall see - either way it helps keep me positive and sane

Good luck with adoption No 2

Gini
xxx


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## cinders35 (Feb 23, 2007)

Hi Nic,
Firstly sorry for your bfn   . You can read from my profile, we have unexplained secondary infertilty. I have had first ivf bfn too, last month. Pants isn't it?! There is a list around here somewhere!! of questions to bring to your review, so that my help. Our review is on 8th may so will try and find said list and print out. Hope Doc is ready for quick fire questions!!!  . Might see you around ivf board if you decide to have another go. Think on average it takes 3-4 cycles!!! So don't give up yet!! Not sure if that will make you feel better or worse?!! 
Best of luck anyway!
Love Cindersxx


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## nic68 (Apr 13, 2007)

Thanks cinders for your reply. it is nice to hear from those who are going through the same problems. hope everything goes well on your review. i will make a note of questions to ask consultant when we go back.

Take care and im sure i will speak to you again.

Nic


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