# AAARGGGHHHH Why do some people just not get it!!!!!!



## roie_snooks (Aug 21, 2007)

Hi sorry really need to have a rant and i know i shouldn't but this is the on ly place i feel i can vent my frustrations and not be judged for my feelings,

Dh and i have just come back from visiting our families in devon to catch up after having our first holiday together and i've had to endure my darling mother (bearing in mind she knows all about the ttc and was even in the operating theatre at the second ec) telling me that instead of continuing with icsi and ttc we should wait until we are 30 and just have loads of foreign holidays and renew our wedding vows and do all the stuff we want and then go back to it then, yeah great idea mum i'm just gonna give up on the past 5 1/2 years 2 failed rounds of ivf to travel the world the only thing i really want to do is be a mum and have a baby with the man i love, the holiday and renewing of vows is something we can do whenever its never too late to have a holiday! And the other one which i still can't deal with was visiting dh mother in hospital and her showing us pics of the new baby (our great niece) and showing him some knitting she was doing which he said oh is that for the baby is it, to which she said no its for tara (his sister) cos she's having a baby in december and then went into great detail about how she had been told about the impending baby and how lovely it was as tara had had a miscarriage earlier in the year and then got all upset when i walked off cos i couldn't listen to it anymore after also telling us his other sister is also trying for a baby as well, bearing in mind they both have 2 children each already and she knows about our ttc problems, the thing i can't deal with the most is that there has been a huge fall out in the family and the mentioned sisters we don't get on with and we've had to deal with them mocking us and laughing in my face because we can't have kids and then i am expected to sit and listen to how wonderful it is that they will both be having more children next year, and when she found my crying in the toilet she didn't understand what i had to be upset about and that i should be happy for both of the sisters, i would genuinly be happy for them if they both hadn't been so vial towards us and yes it is very upsetting and painful to go through a miscarriage and i did feel for her when i heard but i just can't be happy and i wish his mum could understand that she seems to have forotten all about our ttc problems and doesn't even have the subtlty to take dh aside to tell him first and then let him decide if i really need to know cos it then ruined my weekend and all i could think about is that yet again we have failed to try and produce any grandchildren for either of our parents and we still don't have a family ourselves.

Sorry rant over hope you are all ok ladies and that things are moving in which ever direction you are all taking,

Roxie


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## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

No words of wisdom hun just wanted to send you a   and tell you Ive been there too and its hard but some people who you think really would "get it" just dont. The truth is unless you have been  through this journey of infertility you dont truly understand.
I pray you get your BFP real soon and all this can be a distant memory for you but until then just stay close to your dh as he is the one you need the most through this process.

Love Isobel xxx


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## roie_snooks (Aug 21, 2007)

thanks isobel, dh and i are so close we've been together 9 years and married for 3 and he is the most important person in my life its hard to understand how i can love him quite so much and he is wonderful and treats me like a princess all the time just wish we had never bothered telling anyone about ttc and icsi maybe it wouldn't hurt so much that nobody understands or even seems to consider our feelings half the time. 

Roxie


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## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

I completely agree as you can see I have twins who are 12 now and everyone knew about us ttc but we are just about to start again and my mum doesnt know as I can really do without the stress of feeling like I have let other people down  I have told people at work cos I have no obligation to these people they are only colleagues at the end of the day but family is a big no no for me at the moment 
xx


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## Smokeypoo (Aug 8, 2008)

Hi Roxie

I really feel for you hun.  Unfortunately in some shape or form most of us on this site have had to deal with others insensitivities like you described.  It seems that if you haven't been through this, then you have no idea how to handle passing on baby news.  For me the news that someone else was expecting, particularly if it was 'oops a mistake' or a couple that had only just got together, felt like a knife in my heart, although part of me was pleased for them too.  I'm afraid I didn't find any way around it to pass on, apart from focusing on my relationship and not trying to link other peoples success with our failure.  I hope you get your longed for BFP soon

x


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## Sammysmiles (Sep 8, 2008)

Roxie,   I know how you feel. We found out my SIL was pregnant last May just as we were about to go on holiday. A holiday we had booked to get away from TX (we were just about to start IUI). I have to say it ruined my trip really, everytime I thought about it I had a terrible feeling in my belly. Everyone was so pleased for them as they had been TTC for 18 months. I felt like screaming "try 4 years!!!" and to top it all my FIL said we should relax and he didnt see why we were so uptight about it. He even mentioned it to my SIL and BIL saying "I dont know why they are bothering with all this TX, it will happen in its own time". Erm..... we were relaxed for 2.5 years and nothing happened  

Anyway, my rant over ( ) as long as you have got your wonderful partner you will get through anything and when it does happen it will be all the more special hun. Good luck with your future treatments 

xx


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