# How do I deal with Social Worker?



## Jules11 (Jun 21, 2011)

We were approved almost 10 months ago with a VA.  We have seen our SW once since then.  Telephone contact has been patchy, calls to tell us she was working hard and was very busy every 2-3 weeks.

We had a link fall through 4 weeks ago.  We spoke to SW at that time (on the phone),  we were devastated, I cried so much it was hard to speak.  Since then we have not had a call, not even to check if we are ok after the bad news. 

I am really struggling with the wait for news and our life being on hold for so long.  DH has suggested we shouldn't contact SW, he thinks we should wait for SW to ring us.  I'm worried that this approach will mean we will be forgotten about.  

I'm really finding it hard not to get annoyed that our feelings can be just dis-regarded.  Feel totally helpless and can't see light at the end of the tunnel.

Jules xx


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Sorry to here how you've been treated. We are with la and have to contact manager if we are not happy with our sw - did you get the same info with your va? if so i think you should speak to the manager about how little personal contact you've had since approval and in particular since the match fell through. I'm not sure how it works with va but with LA you can go on the local / national register after 12 weeks - might be worth looking into that.  Your lo(s) is out there, just need a but more time to find you.  Hang in there


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

I'm so sorry to hear your link fell through.  It must be such a terrible feeling.  I'm surprised your SW hasn't been in contact with you since then to see how you're doing.

Yes, I think you should get in contact with your SW and ask what they are doing to help find you a link.  Once you know what the SW is doing you can see if there's anything you could do as well.  As a VA they don't get paid until you have a match so it should be in their interest to help you find a child soon, but perhaps if you don't think they're doing enough you could look at sending your profile to LA's yourself, if they think you're being realistic about what you're looking for given your age and situation etc.  Our LA go through the matching pro forma again with anyone who's been approved for 12 months and is still waiting for a match, I'm not sure if that's standard.  As long as you're polite with the SW about it, I don't think it can do any harm, and at least you would feel like you're doing something.

Best wishes,

Wyxie


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Hi Jules 
I would def contact SW, maybe ask if she could come and visit and bring along any profiles she has for you to look at. We did complain (mildly) about lack of contact with sw and although it didn't go down particularly well things did start to move after that. 
As we are part of a consortium we ended up seeing every profile within our area and although it was v daunting our future LO was in there x
Are you on the national register?
Our next move was going to be copying sw manager in on the emails we sent.
Hope you get some good news soon, thinking of you xx


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## Jules11 (Jun 21, 2011)

Thanks for all of your advice.

We are on the national register and we have attended 3 exchange events and an adoption activity day.  National register have told us there have been over 70 enquiries about us since we were approved.  

So far we have asked the SW to follow up 18 LO's we thought could be suitable.  We found the LO we were linked to at an exchange event.  We were so keen to follow this up we contacted LO's SW directly, bypassing our SW.  (Link fell through 4 weeks ago due to issues of safety relating to a member of LO birth family).  I have to admit I'm not convinced every potential profile is progressed, SW did tell us she sifts out 90% of profiles because they are not suitable. 

I'm going to try to contact SW tomorrow and try to broach the subject of communication.  I have to admit I find this really difficult.  Often feel like if we suggest we are struggling to cope with the waiting it is interpreted as us declaring we can't cope with adoption and all it entails.  Not sure if I'll end up feeling much worse after the call.  

Jules


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Just wanted to send


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi jules - big hugs

I echo the other advice but would suggest you ask SW for a meet to discuss what you can be doing etc. point out all you have done and how much interest has been shown and ask him/her to discuss what the protocols are ie why does she reject 90% of the profiles. I found this a better way to get insight into what my SW was doing. You can go on it that way to make sure you on sane page ie our SW suggested she discusses every profile she received with us at monthly catch up and why she didn't think suitable or if we wanted to see all. We only kept that up for first months after approval but it provided me with comfort he knew us and also in case we did feel anything.

Good luck
X


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## Dreams do come true (Jan 4, 2012)

Sorry your sw isn't being very proactive! Has she sent you any profiles?

What age child are you approved for? X


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Good luck today Jules,
Would explain that you want a 'catch up' and to discuss what happens next...
Xx


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## peacelily (Feb 24, 2006)

Oh Jules - sending you big    I think we must have the same SW...(joking - I think!) don't want to say too much on here as it's still public, but I think you need to contact her and try and explain how you're feeling, and how you perceive her lack of communication. We recently had to have a meeting with SW and management to make sure we were all singing from the same hymnsheet, as it were. I should imagine it's down to workload, but Gertie's idea of getting your SW to discuss all links with you is a good one.

I really do know how you are feeling right now   

Peacelily xx


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## Jules11 (Jun 21, 2011)

Hi,

Thank you for your messages.  In a weird way its good to know others understand how we feel.

I tried to call SW today for the frank and honest conversation!!!!  Spoke to a colleague who explained our SW was tied up in meetings and would get to us as soon as she had some time.  She laughed when telling me "don't worry your SW hasn't forgotten about you, as if she could"!!!  considering we haven't spoken to or heard from our SW for 4 weeks and we've seen her once in 10 months how could we ever feel forgotten about

Now hoping for a call sometime in the next week or so.  

Jules


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

How frustrating!!!


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## Daizy (Feb 25, 2011)

Jules11 said:


> We were approved almost 10 months ago with a VA. We have seen our SW once since then. Telephone contact has been patchy, calls to tell us she was working hard and was very busy every 2-3 weeks.
> 
> We had a link fall through 4 weeks ago. We spoke to SW at that time (on the phone), we were devastated, I cried so much it was hard to speak. Since then we have not had a call, not even to check if we are ok after the bad news.
> 
> ...


Hi Jules,

You definitely need to request a face to face meeting with her. Has she shown you ANY profiles in the past 10 months? If she hasn't shown you any, then she must explain why she is being so selective. If she HAS shown you profiles, and they weren't suitable, then she needs to re-familiarise herself with what was ddiscussed during home study. 
I found the post approval wait torturous, and we only waited 6 weeks for news of a link! I can't imagine how I'd have felt after 10 months, so I really hope you get some positive news soon.


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

The wait is by far the hardest part of the process   

Email your sw and ask for her/him to make up a flier of your family, or ask/tell them you're doing it yourself.  Then email your profile to as many agencies you know of, use ALL the email addresses listed in cww.

Yes your sw's actions aren't particularly supportive, BUT, what you need is to find your child and if they're not going to find them, then do something about it yourself.  Both of my children were found by us sending our profile out, I couldn't stand the 'not knowing' and feeling forgotten about.  I must have drove my sw mad with constantly emailing her, when I did contact her I made tongue in cheek comments about 'me again' or 'the sooner you find my baby the sooner i'll be off your back' lol. 

Good luck in your search xxx


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi Jules

Just wanted to say that I understand about the non-communicating SW! Although we really like our SW, she is not big on communication and definitely wouldn't be a shoulder to cry on. We are finding this difficult at the moment as desperate to hear about a LO we have put forward for and are in our third week of waiting,  but we just don't feel able to really chase her about it - she isn't the one holding things up after all, it is LO's SW.

I think as others have suggested, a frank discussion it a good idea. In my line of work I often find that those who don't make themselves known do get forgotten or set aside  and those that chase us get things done. It sounds to me like you are definitely due some more attention and it doesn't sound like your needs are getting met.

I know SWs are extremely busy people, I think we all appreciate that, but this process is an extremely emotional one and it needs to be borne in mind when dealing with us that we do just want a bit of reassurance at times, particularly if something has gone wrong.

I'm so sorry that the link fell through, that must have been extremely painful and I really do feel for you, I'd be in pieces.

I hope you get to speak to your SW very soon and set things out.

LilyElf


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## Jules11 (Jun 21, 2011)

I really appreciate all the advice and support I've received on here.  I've finally spoken to SW and arranged a visit us this Friday.  At least we can feel a bit less ignored.

Thanks for your help

Jules xx


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Hope meeting goes well tomorrow x


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