# still confused



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi I posted in here a while ago about egg donation as it's something I'm looking into as I can't afford ivf and I'd also be giving another couple a wonderful gift but my only problem being I'm confused over the regulations of a child born from ny egg donation and hope I'm not feeling alone in this and I don't come across as harsh but didn't know how e les to write it for example :

Would the child be allowed to contact me?
Is there any responsibility from me to the child?

Those sort I'd questions, I would just want to give the couple the chance to be parents but I wouldn't want to be known or to meet the child. I know it seems harsh but I see it as I really want to donate I'd love to give a couple a happy family and the child would have there parents abd I'd always want the child to know that they're are the parents not me I just helped. 

My partner has told me if it's what I want to do that's fine but I have told him it should be a desicion made by us both but deep down he's scared he's said before what if we get a knock on the door when the child's older how would you respond what would you do. So I'm really nervous because I want to do it but don't want it put a weight on my relationship x


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Oh and also like to ask does egg starring lower your chance of getting pregnant rather thatn just ivf for yourself thanks x


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## icsi bitsy teeny weeny (Aug 18, 2011)

hey hun,
didnt want to read and run,just a quick message to let you know that with you even considering to egg share, that is a gift all on its own and as a previous and soon to be egg sharer again,may i tell you its the best feeling ever, it does not lessen your chances at all my recipient got pregnant and had a wee baby girl last march but because in my local clinics,ive had the 'one size fits all' attidude,i knew i would never get pregnant until i changed clinic and in my case country,im irish and coming to london for my cycle beginning march i think, so any questions feel free to ask...best of luck xx


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## Bubbles12 (Aug 29, 2012)

Hi tinkerbell,

I am a serial egg sharer (will start 4th mid year)

All these questions you have are quite normal and any clinic will go through all aspects of egg sharing.

Yes, when the child is 18, they now can get your details and find you. This law has recently changed (cant remember what year) but it used to be that you would be completely anonymous. But like I say, this is not the case anymore. Unfortunately, if you do not agree to this, you will not be able to egg share.
However, you will have no responsibility to the child/childreb born. You will not appear on their birth certificate (I dont think anyway) and nor will you be financially responsible to the child/children.

I was very much like you, to me, the way I deal with it was that it was not my child. I just helped a couple in return fo. Helping me. If, however, the child was to find me, I would craoss that bridge if/when came to it. 

Its something you need to ask yourself. Its not a case of 'do you want a child that much?' ots about weighing up all pf your options and egg share is a cheaper option. I can recommend a few clinics if you would like...

Finally, yes, I guess doing egg share could reduce your chance of having a baby but simply because you are giving away half of your eggs. That's the only reason. But, I does only take one egg AND its a better chance of getting a baby than not trying at all.

Good luck with your decision and if you need to know anything, just PM me.

Xx


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Tinkerbell
I also egg shared and you will have the chance to get all your questions answered in full by the trained staff at your clinic. Counselling is also compulsory so if you're not sure after that you can always change your mind.
What clinched it for me was my age (you can egg share in some clinics up to your 36th birthday but not later than that) and I did actually see it as a positive that any resulting children from my donation could make contact in future (that's if you are still at the same address etc).
If you decide not to respond to any request for contact that would be up to you, but it would be in 19 years' time at the earliest and you may feel differently about this then.
You have zero responsibilities towards children born from your donation, and your name will not appear in any legal documents apart from the clinic and **** records.
As a matter of fact (just look on the donor egg recipients board!) many parents do not plan to share with their child if they were DE conceived, so your resulting kid/s may never know you even existed.

As for lowered chances of your own pregnancy, I know it's statistics but I have no idea what those are based on. I got pregnant both from the fresh ET and the FET although I suffered a miscarriage after the fresh cycle.
My recipient didn't get pregnant but she has some frosties from my donation. I think I would have found this hard to deal with if she had had a child and I didn't, but again this is different for everyone and you won't find out unless you ask the clinic.

Best of luck with it all, PM me if you have any other questions x


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thanks so much for the replies I never thought it would be this hard to make a decision and be so daunting. My partner is still saying if it's what I want to do then do it but I don't want this cause problems later in life if a child was to find me. I'd obviously think of any child born but I'd also feel like a good person for doing what I would if done. What are the guidelines to being accepted because my mum has multiple sclerosis and don't know if that would be a problem


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Tinkerbell - you would need to disclose all family medical history as you are getting assessed to be accepted onto the programme, but I am not sure this would be a problem.
Maybe they can do PDG on any embryos conceived with your eggs, but why don't you just ring a clinic and ask them?
As for 'problems' with bio children contacting you, do you think your children who grow up with you may not be curious to meet their half siblings? I've always thought it would be lovely to find out how they'd got on and what kind of life they were having. There was a brilliant documentary about an egg sharer and the mum to the donated kids, very heartwarming. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0146g40

The lady who received the eggs had lost her children in an accident, and was so very happy to be able to be a mummy again! If you've ever donated blood doing this for someone is even better than that xx


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## Puglover1980 (Mar 7, 2013)

Just wanted to correctly answer your last question - no, studies have shown that egg sharing does *not* reduce the sharer's probability if getting pregnant. Check out these stats, which back that up:
http://www.ivf.org.uk/egg-sharing/about-egg-sharing/

Different clinics have different criteria, but the HFEA regulations state you are eligible to egg share if you:
are 18 to 35 (some clinics have 32 as a cut-off)
have an acceptable AMH hormone level and antral follicle count (what is considered acceptable will vary from clinic to clinic)
have a BMI of less than 30
do not have any genetic or transmissible diseases
do not have personal or family history of inheritable diseases.

Good luck with your decision. x


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Puglover - another correction, my clinic lets people egg share up to 36 (and beyond, depending on your first cycle results ) Hope this helps! x


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## Puglover1980 (Mar 7, 2013)

Yes, sorry, was quoting the HFEA guidelines. You can start treatment at age 35/36 but you have to have completed treatment by 36 at the latest. I hadn't heard of a clinic that allows anyone older than this to egg share, but perhaps the HFEA are relaxing their guidelines now.


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thank you so much for the replies it's been really helpful it looks like I have alot of thinking to do. I'd love to help a couple and I'm finding it really hard to fund my ivf so would help me to. I just don't want it cause friction with my partner. Also I think if I pay full for ivf and it fails I'd no way be able to afford another go but egg share would help me if I fit the criteria. My mum has multiple sclerosis and was only diagnosed 8 or so years ago and my Nan had cancer and so did my grandad so not sure where I stand on that one x


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