# Feeling a little bit sad.



## Tickets

Just had news that my best friend gave birth today   . I am really trying to be happy for her, but am finding it really hard and hate myself for being so selfish. What makes it harder is that the odds were stacked against for them and they had one 'accidental night' that ended up in pregnancy. (They like to tell that story a lot) 

My DH is out at his acupuncture appointment and I am sipping on bloody green tea wishing it was me lying in hospital with a new baby - I hate these low points.   

Any tips/advice about how to get through it that don't involve buying a bottle of wine and drowning sorrows? xxx


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## helenlouisey

Oh Tickets, I really feel for you.  I have been there so many times with pregnancy and birth announcements, it is so hard.  I have to admit that in past I have had to keep my distance from pregnant friends as I just couldn't handle it,  for my own peace of mind and sanity, but always sent little cards and gifts so they knew I was thinking of them. I think you have to handle it in what ever way makes you feel better and if a bottle of wine does that then go for it


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## joeyrella

try not to give yourself a hard time, your feelings are perfectly natural and all of us on here will have felt the same way at some point.  maintain the friendship by sending a card and gift but if its too painful for you then don't make yourself visit.  do whatever makes you feel better if its alcohol, chocolate or a spending spree.  i always end up in fits of self indulgent tears for a few days but find it does pass and i feel stronger for facing them then.


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## Irish Dee

Hi Ticket,

You are not alone. I wrote this a while back.

Dee
**********************************************
*OTHER PEOPLE'S PREGNANCIES:*

If you had a friend who was stood up at the alter on their wedding day, everyone and I mean EVERYONE would be very careful not to talk about their own wedding and no one would be shoving wedding albums at them and asking them which centre piece would be good for their own big day.

If you had a friend whose house had been repossessed, no one would be bragging about their new extensions and asking them to admire their homes and help choose colour schemes.

If you had a friend who was made redundant, you would not constantly talk about how much you love your job and how marvellous it was.

Why oh why, is it then, that we are 'allowed' to be slightly jealous about jobs/homes/weddings etc, but for some reason no one thinks twice about handing you scan pictures and telling you oh, we're having a boy/girl and the ONLY acceptable response is for you to almost be as excited as them. And if that's not bad enough, other people too will fill you in on all the details of the pregnancy and a blow by blow account of what is happening.

It does not happen with anything else in life and we are not expected to be over the moon for any other achievements made by any of our friends/family, but when a baby is on the horizon, we all have to be deliriously happy. I just don't get it.

I've never heard anyone say that it was 'selfish' of a friend not to be chuffed for their friend's 'house/job/wedding' except when you are talking about babies.

I think the honest answer is that just people don't understand for a minute how crushing and breathtakingly sad infertility is.

Everyone can appreciate the other scenarios because they understand the other things. It must be like someone in a wheelchair with no legs trying to explain how it feels, but until you sit in that chair, will you ever really understand?

If I'm honest, I did not understand the impact of infertility until it touched my life. I was not aware that infertility is carried with you like an invisible cloak, marking you as slightly different from all those around you.

I remember back in the days before infertility crept into and put a shadow on my life, I would hear about miscarriages and 'IVF' and 'infertility' and I did not really give it much thought at all. But when it leaked into my life, I could not even begin to try to explain to other people how it feels not to be able to do, what should be, the most natural thing in the world. It is the thing that we share on FF.

I could go on, but I have a tendency to rant.

We are like a silent army, marching towards Motherhood!!

To all the strong fabulous women, struggling every day with this, our time will come.


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## Tickets

Thanks girls, your support helps!

I settled on a couple of glasses of wine and a bit of a cry. Have sent a card to my friend and said when she is home and settled to call me, then I've passed the responsibility and don't have to feel crap that I haven't called to make sure they are ok.

Dee, I think your post is really insightful and I completely share your thoughts.

Ho hum, onwards upwards and another day of my brave face!
xx


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## kitten77

perfectly normal hun.  we have all been there (many many times in my case) and it doesnt get easier, but dont beat yourself up cuz your feelings are natural. 

your not unhappy for her just unhappy for yourself and that is so natual. you want what she has, and of course your gonna feel down. 

hope the couple of glasses helped and well done on saying for her to call you. big hugs. xx


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## Support10

Hi

i know how you feel. I have recently found out a lot of my friends have become pregnant and I have tried to be supportive but i have found it so hard and occasionally come home in tears. I have also had to support my best friend recently as she became pregnant after a drunken night out and fell pregnant but got an abortion. As I have not told anyone what i am going through, she did not know how it made me feel, (Inside I just wanted to scream but she came to me for help and support). 

I have alsorecently got married so i am getting more questions from friends and family about when we are having kids etc. 
i think people manage their situation in different ways. I have managed the past few years by keeping my distance, from pregnant people and being fake by telling people I don't want kids so they don't ask questions. 

I am sorry I can't be any help but you are not alone as i have the same thought and feelings

Good Luck


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## glc2

hello ladies,

i to am finding these situations hard.  i think i counted a total of 18 pregnant friends!  my best mate has just given birth and another friend of mine who was told it was near impossible to get pregnant has just got pregnant.  i know im supposed to be super happy for them all and i am but i am becomming very bitter 
i have also been asked to hold a baby shower at my house for a friend and of course i said yes but i really dont want to and cant muster up the excitment.


arrrrrgh what to do
life sucks
xxxxxxx


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## cupcake30

I think of this situation as putting on my 'game face'
It's ok to let it slip when you are at home. Curl up with some wine and a magazine and some TV, let it all out. And when it's out of your system it's easier to put on your make up and smile - because other than my parents and DH there are only 3 people in the world who I've told how hard it is TTC when all your friends are pregnant.


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## Star2010

So glad i found this post - exactly the same for me as well, very close friend gave birth this afternoon - this week we find out for definate if my husband can biologically father his own children or if we need donor sperm so i am feeling completly emotionally as it is right now.  and a family member is due in december, close friend in march and bestest friend in april, so i know this is all to come again.  i keep telling myself at least when im pregnant it will just be me cos with all these close friends falling pregnant now when its me it will just be me (well thats providing they arnt on their 2nd or 3rd babies by then!!!) so i wont be following the trend in my group, haha! thats the only way i can look at this cos otherwise i will cry!

glc2 - i arranged a baby shower a while back, for the girl who just gave birth, it was hard, a whole afternoon of babies, pregnancy and labout talk, sooooo hard. me and another girl were the only 2 out of 14 people who werent pregnant or who never have had a child, so hard.  the only good thing about hosting it is if u need a little cry u can go and wash up or something, or tidy some plates away - that what i did.  at least by being the host you can run away almost if you were going to one at someone else house it would be harder as proper in your face. it made me realised that i now wont be attending any other baby showers unless its my own, its not worth putting urself through the torture and pain, but on a good note i was bloody proud of myself afterwards!!!!!!!!!!! xxxx


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