# Work Dilemma



## Penelope Positive (Sep 12, 2005)

Hi lovely ladies,

Hope you dont mind me starting a thread on this but its something that others may be facing/worrying about so I thought I would ask for your thoughts/experiences/advice.

We are going out to Spain a week on Thursday for FET and am of course desperately hoping it all goes well and I end up pregnant! (well you have to keep positive dont you!)

However, my situation at work is a little difficult.

I am a contractor, employed as a 'vendor' through an agency on a renewable 1 year contract. This gives me two issues at the moment.

1st one is that my contract is up for renewal in August, 2nd is that four weeks after our FET I have to go on a long (and what will be very demanding) business trip to Brazil.

So....if we are lucky and I do get pregnant do I tell them straight away (very early in the scheme of things) so that I dont have to do the trip as this will be exhausting and I want to give myself the very best chance and Ruth is recommending I dont do it. Secondly, if I do tell them, what happens if they then do not renew my contract. They would of course not openly admit that it hadnt been renewed due to a pregnancy but I have a feeling they might try to get shot of me so they dont have to cover my leave and benefits.

I know this is all conjecture (sp?  ) but I am just trying to think things through.

The first problem I have is that at the moment I am expected to go to Brazil but if I book my flights now and then get pregnant I really dont want to go. However, if I leave them until after my 2ww that will only be two weeks before I am due to go and flight prices will have gone up and may not even be available.

Its a real dilemma and I just dont know what to do?

Can anyone share some wisdom?

Of course if it doesnt work, then there is no issue but am hoping this isnt the case!

Pen
xx


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## millyJJ (Mar 12, 2006)

Hi

I would just say you've been for some tests (true) and your doctor has strongly advised you not to travel - and then move onto the next topic - maybe focus on what can be done to fill the gap you will be leaving (briefing other people etc).

If you act as if you don't expect people to ask any questions then hopefully they won't. 

When I get asked things like 'is it serious' I just say, nothing to worry about, it's quite routine.

I imagine as a contractor you feel you need to keep them onside, but medical history is personal and you shouldn't be under any obligation to tell them.

Very best wishes
Milly


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## safarigirl (Feb 23, 2005)

Hi Penelope ... i know there is a new a"sk a lawyer section" which might be able to give you more legal advice.

On another level I would go for the treatment first and take everything from there!  Once you get your bfp work things out ... as Milly says you can then say you cant go on advice from your doctor etc,  but look at other things you could be doing.

At the moment it probably seems like there is only one option, (brazil or bust!) but very few businesses would look at it in that way .... and i think would look at other options (someone else has a wonderful brazil trip coming up !!!!)
I am not sure how long you have been on a contract with this company for, but usually they cant just get rid of you (look into the legal issues) as they would have to show "why" they no longer needed you and pregnancy is not a right to not renew a contract ... it has to be for poor performance etc, and this would have to be documented.
so go to spain, relax, fingers crossed for the best
I spent so much of my time what iffing, taking this job in case i got pregnant, or not doing this in case of that .... its better just to forge ahead and work things out.... 
and of course you will get a bfp the more inconvenient it can be!!! so thats good news too!


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## Penelope Positive (Sep 12, 2005)

Thanks SG and Milly, I understand what you are saying and agree that I just have to try and relax a bit and take things as they come but people are starting to push me as to why I havent booked my flights.

There isn't really anyone that can replace me on this so its difficult.

I dont want to use some 'unexplained illness' to get me out of this and to be honest if I get a BFN it will do me good to get away for a week so am really in a quandry. As I say because my contract is due for renewal soon as well I am sure if I pull out now this will very seriously go against me.

I really dont know what to do but appreciate your advice and thoughts. I do however, think they have some right to ask what my medical issue is and potentially ask for a doctors note explaining why I cant travel and then it just gets more complicated!

I guess I will just have to try and work it out. Looking at things, flying in itself doesnt appear to be a problem for a new pregnancy so maybe I should just go either way? I know it would be tiring but as you say SG you cant keep planning for what if's.

If I pull out and then get a BFN this trip will have gone to waste and a bad mark been put against me.

Ho, hum....what to do what to do, think think think as pooh bear would say  

Pen
xx


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## safarigirl (Feb 23, 2005)

Pen - could you not book your fights and make sure they are refundable?  I have booked flights through Trialfinders before to south africa (and if i go through certain airlines) you just pay a deposit, and can pay nearer the time.

Once you are pregnant you can tell them you have been advised that you cannot fly - there is no need for them to know that you are pregnant through ivf, you can just say its a complete surprise (well when isnt a bfp a surprise!) and that you have been advised not to fly.

I do understand this is hard, it is hard trying to juggle evreything, knowing in the back of your mind a treatment is coming up - i had the same thing, although my trip was only to Rome which i also "committed" to because i didnt know what else to do.

Is there any way you can pull out the brazil trip altogether now, regardless of whether you get a bfn or a bfp?  Can you create something that is happening over that time that you have to go to (A family event; a 100th birthday; a wedding somewhere else) which will make Brazil unable for you to go.  That way you could release yourself from the pressure of getting a bfp and then having to try and juggle flying, or as you say just needing a break post treatment.

I think by the way if you do use a doctors letter, most people are not going to pry around "gynacological issues" or something like that - they dont have to know the exact details, but need to trust the doctor and your decision on that.  

Sorry cant be of too much help ....


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## Grumpygirl (Oct 24, 2004)

Hi Pen,
Having put most stuff on a back burner for IVF for the last wee while I'm now at the point of doing everything as normal and if a tx was to work, well, that would be just fantastic . While it's fab to think every tx will be a success I find it better to plan for the worst and anything better's a bonus.  If you're needed in Brazil and you'd like to go in the case of a BFN then personally I'd book it and if you can't fly because of a bfp you'll be so happy you won't mind missing out. Your employers will not have any right to any more info than 'gynae issues' on a medical note and you can just say you're waiting for tests and be a bit vague about it. Most employers will not ask any more questions than that and you won't have to tell them if you choose not to.

My DH is a contractor too so I know how things work for you guys a bit - i.e. if you don't work you don't get paid (!) but I think in your position I'd keep any bfp to myself until August and renewal time. Having said that I'm usually Little Miss Up Front and Honest, but then I have a permanent contract in my job.

Don't know if that helps at all, but thought I'd give you my 2 pennorth.
Love
Giggly
xx


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## Penelope Positive (Sep 12, 2005)

Hi again,

Thanks SG and Giggles for your thoughts.

I really am trying not to make this a difficult decision but these are the facts as they stand.

I cannot really pull out of this without it causing major concern - it is my project has been planned for months and the only 1 person who could have stood in for me is on holidays.

If I don't go I will feel really bad! I will be letting a lot of people down who are reliant on me and whilst I would never consider I am indespensible I know there will be lots of questions and really bad comments for me not going.

I have to book my travel through work who completely frown against fully refundable flights as they are really expensive and you have to provide written evidence as to why you have to have one of these. Mad I know but thats the policy.

I agree with you giggles on the renewal thing, think I will sit quietly and not say anything either way just in case.

I am angling towards booking and going either way. If things work then I will be 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant when I fly. Is that dangerous? or just tiring. Having worked so hard to try to get a BFP I really wouldnt want to take any unnecessary risks but the research I have done today seems to think its safe.  I can cope with chucking on the plane if needs must and being a bit knackered (can sleep on the plane and in down time) so could probably cope.

Oh..........argh! Can't decide. I'll probably get a BFN anyway!

Now PP you know you dont believe that (she says talking to herself in her normal positive manor - lets be honest if you get a BFP you wont give a stuff what work says or does anyway so just sit tight and book your flights after you get your result if it doesnt work).

Mmmm. maybe I have solved it?

Any more comments especially on the flying in early pregnancy issue really would be appreciate.

Man, I feel like a blood sucking tick sapping all the information I can out of this board! I hope someone else out there is finding my postings of use otherwise I may get kicked off for being a selfish miss!

Love and hugs all

Pen
xx


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## safarigirl (Feb 23, 2005)

Pen i did loads of research on the flying in early pregnancy - i think the real issue is that if anything goes wrong then you are not at home and cant get medical advice.  i never found anything that said you shouldnt fly as it would cause a problem, but rather that if you needed medical help you might not get it.  i have done loads of searches on this.  There is no research that says flying causes a miscarriage (which is what i needed to know as i got a bfp and was flying).
It will be more tiring for you if you fly and pregnant in early days ... but face that when you get to it,  but you will manage, and like you say if you do pull out of it then, you will take it easier as you will know why you are doing it ... and wont care as much ...

Pen you are not selfish at all, and its good to have somewhere at least to air your concenrs (it seems like you are working your way towards your answers as well and i am sure it helps you to put things in perspective)  Most people, like you siad, have these types of dilmena's.

So pleased your fet is coming up so soon, will be sending lots of positive thoughts to you ...


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