# Hoping to find some peace



## little nell (Sep 19, 2005)

Hmmm, long story as to how I got  here but ultimately no plans to cycle again so trying to get on with life with DH and our pupster. Any advice for a newbie to the idea of "moving on"?

TIA..


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Little Nell, 

First, I'm sorry your in this situation but glad you've found this thread. It is incredibly supportive and at times has ben the only thread holding me onto my sanity. 

Secondly, its a cliche but a true one that everyone finds their own path through this particular version of hell and out the other side, but there is some commonaility in what we oldies tend to say to new people. It goes something like this....

Give yourself time, time, time..... The intensity of raw feelings is incredible, but they don't last. While you're waiting for this, I find being easy on myself the best way forward. By this I mean not preventing my tears or anger, not judging myself for unkind thoughts directed at others, not chastising myself if I can't make another party with bumps and bairns....If you need time out from the world in order that wehn you do get back in, you can stay in, then NOW is the time for that...

There are some good counsellors around, some good books around, and if you want to know more I can help you with either of these things. Otherwise, keep writing here, even if you feel self-indulgent (we won't think that) as it really does seem to release stuff, and you'll be hleping others by showing that its OK to post.....

Love to you and that gorgeous pupster....

MM xxxx


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## janeo1 (Sep 27, 2006)

Just wanted to say hello.  

No magic formula for moving on or at least if there is one I haven't found it!    I see from your bio that you have travelled a pretty rough road and am sorry for that.  I think that for everyone how to move on is a very different and gradual process. 
Coming to terms with the end of our dreams is a painful grieving process, with lots of ups and down along the way. All I can say from my personal experience is that there is still a nugget of sadness in me, but over time it has shrunk somewhat.  It is tucked away deep inside and only occasionally gives me the odd stab in the heart moment. 

The plus side of moving on, is TX no longer takes over your life. No more drugs,injections, hospitals prodding, poking about, and laying with your legs in stirrups   and that has to be a plus. Take time for you and your DH  and your lovely pup to do whatever you enjoy.  Do all the things you put off or cancelled because of tx and get busy living! Take each day as it comes and be prepared to laugh and cry. 

You have found right place for support and will find lots of it here.  Good luck on your journey

Jane x


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Nell,

I think MM and Jane have done a pretty good summary of what us longer term members of the board would say - go gently on yourself and try to do the things you want to do is a good start.

When you first give up on tx it can be tempting to rush into something new and cast off old jobs, houses, partners, whatever! If making changes in your life appeals to you, take the time to dream about what you might want, but don't act untill your emotions are less raw. As you recover, you may find your old lifestyle actually suits you quite well and the dreams of big change were just that. If you still want to make changes, you will be in a better position to make them if you have given yourself time to heal.

You may find that sometimes you could do with a bit of extra support - lots of us post here when we want some advice about a specific situation or to rant about something that has hurt us. So do join us if you feel you could do with some companions who understand.

Let us know how you are,

Jq xxx


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## little nell (Sep 19, 2005)

Thanks for the welcome. I should have put a longer intro but it was all a little too much. I was put on anti-depressants a few weeks ago and am just starting to feel (or should that be not feel) like things are not too much. Some time off work and I think the road to getting on with it is just beginning. I have faced a few demons recently and that seems to have been part of the cure...

Pupster is great and truly would not be without her. Our lives have changed all for the best since getting her so am finding the frustrations come and go depending on how things are going. 

I will be here on/off after leaving the comfort of my long-term buddy TTC group. It hurts to always be the one looking in from the cold.

Nell
x


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Sending you a massive   Little Nell, and telling you that we understand totally that feeling of being left outside the sweetie shop staring in through the window whilst others continue on their merry way...

Hope you are having a gentle weekend with your hubby and your lovely pups. You take care.

Love & a big squeeze
Emcee xxx


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

LN, 

Sounds like you are doing all the right things to help yourself - time out is always a very good place to start, and both Emcee and JQ would agree with me about the love of a good animal making a hell of a difference....

Let us know if there is anything else we can do to help!

Love, 

MM xxxx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi again LN,

Yes, animal love can be a help! And your Maple has such a cheeky face!

Off to see to my horses now.

Love 
Jq xxx


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