# Feel like I'm cursed



## Marshmallow (Jun 3, 2006)

I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but I've had my 5th attempt fail this morning and I'm starting to feel like I'm cursed.

I was lucky enough to get pregnant on my very first FET (our 3rd go at IVF) but my little darling was born asleep at 36+6 and I'm just praying that she wasn't my only chance of being a mummy.  I'll be 40 in July and my 30s have been truly awful.  Within months of my losing my dad I lost my job and haven't felt truly settled since then.  In some ways I'll be glad to get the big 4-0 out of the way, but in others its just a reminder that my chances of being a mum again are diminishing by the day.

I lost my dad in 2001 a week before my birthday and ever since then nothing seems to have gone right.  Me and my DH became distant the year after and almost split up on at least 2 occasions, but I was determined to hang on in there as I love him so much and luckily we've worked out everything and he's now back to the man I met and fell in love with.  We only need a family to make things right, but after 3 years on the IVF treadmill all we seem to get are constant disappointments and I feel like I've been cursed by someone or something.  I've prayed constantly (I even pray that animals killed on the roads didn't suffer and are in heaven safe) so have a belief in God, but with every attempt and let down my faith seems to be slipping.  I feel bitter towards those who achieve their dreams of having children easily, and this makes me feel angry and disappointed with my attitude.  

I try so hard to remain positive but it hurts so much to know my little girl is lying in a cold empty grave alone.  I try to reassure myself that she's looking down on us, and always say a prayer every morning and speak to her photo constantly, telling her I love her.

Please someone take this curse away and give me a chance.


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## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

Oh you poor love. Im so so sorry for the loss of your daughter and your disappointment this morning. Unless people have been through fertility treatments they dont understand what it does to you . It is so stressful and really takes its toll on your body and mind so there is no wonder you are feeling so down.

I cannot promise you that you will ever get that baby in your arms but I pray for you that you do and that you get peace.

God bless you
xx


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## DreamTeam (Nov 1, 2007)

Marshmallo  

I can't imagine what you've been through but thought you could do with a hug  .
         

love

Snowbelle


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Marshmallow

     


Ellie


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## MarkyB (Feb 13, 2009)

Please don't think you are cursed.  Your little girl is certainly lucky to have such a devoted mother.


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## Julie Wilts (Feb 27, 2008)

Marshmallow

I am so terribly sorry to read your post honey, and really hope things start to change for you very soon.  I can't imagine losing a child so late into the pregnancy, but truly understand some of your other sadness.  I  you find some peace & joy soon.

.

Julie
X


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## Maarias (May 4, 2005)

Marshmellow,
I'm so very very sorry for your loss. I lost our baby much earlier but it was and still is devastating.
I don't have any answers but I truly believe as a muslim that those who God loves most he also tests the most in this life. You will get your reward soo inshallah. 

Keep strong hunny, you're in my prayers. 
Mxx


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## scubababe (Mar 11, 2009)

Hi Marshmallow,

Please dont feel you're cursed...put it this way - do you think that Hannah, Sarah, Rebecca & Rachel in the Bible were cursed? Of course not, they were all great women but they all just happened to have fertility problems. Hannah was so upset at the temple that Eli thought she was drunk and told her to get lost, lol - shows that having a baby has always been important to us and its nothing new for 2009!

God loves all of us, and wants us to pray to him. Sometimes we dont like the answers, or dont like the timing of when they're answered, but he knows the bigger picture and the future and what's best for us. I'm pleased now that I didnt have a baby with my 1st hubby as he's long gone and I'm with someone better......but I really didnt feel like that at the time. I'm pleased he knows best and just keep hoping I'll like the next answer, lol

I'm sure your little girl wouldnt want her mummy to stay sad over her, easier said than done, I know. I really do feel for your loss, and hope it all turns out well for you in every way

Sandy
xxxxxx


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## blessings (Jul 15, 2009)

Dear Marshmallow, 

I was reading the Bible on Monday, quite troubled by a few things on my mind, and I was to continue reading the gospel of John after a break of a couple of weeks. I started with chapter 14, and the first line started with Jesus saying' 1"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.' I smiled, feeling the peace of God, as I continued to read till the end of of the chapter as I had planned. And towards the end of the chapter, Jesus says 'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.' 

I thought I would share it with you in case you can feel encouraged from it too. Will remember you in my prayers. 

Blessings


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