# Inconsiderate people



## daisymae (Feb 13, 2009)

Hi all,

Why are some people so damn inconsiderate!. Someone really upset me today I was quite happily out doing my shopping when some complete stranger In a lift looked into my pram and said '' Arrh Is this your first baby! ''are you going to have a sibling for her!'' I said unfortunately I can't have any more children but they rudely carried on and said ''oh but it's better to have 2 they're not so lonely!''.I started to cry as i left the lift as I would have loved to have another and it hurts that I can't!.

I had a pretty rough pregnancy which took a turn for the worse when I was 35 weeks I got really ill with a rare condition called( Acute Fatty liver of pregnancy)which nearly killed us both, 5 months on and my liver has made a full recovery. I was told that there is a very high risk of it occurring in another pregnancy. My HB and I made the choice that it's too much of a gamble to risk mine and another life and to be grateful for the child that we have been blessed with. 

It's not the first time that people have commented on having more children even my HB grand parents have said we should have 2 and they know what a rough time we went through.

How do I learn to ignore these comments? 

Thanks for reading


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## DBaby2 (Jul 29, 2010)

Hi Daisymae,  you poor thing I know how hard and upsetting it is let alone how angry people make you feel.  I'm not entirely sure it stops hurting but you do get hardened to people's unthinking comments.  Your family is clearly very lucky to have you and your DD.  I've learnt to say to people quite clearly now that "unfortunately this is our only child as we cannot have any more but shes great fun and I have all the time in the world for her" and of course I feel like sticking my fingers up at them too!  You have to remember that those people who say things are unimportant people and if you upset them with your response then so be it, they don't matter to you.  When it comes to family and friends, again I'm afraid you have to nip it in the bud with them and say both your DD and your lives are so precious that to risk your DD losing her mummy is not worth it and if they question this you need to be blunt and ask them if they would be happy to risk death!  

You do harden up over time and its a shame that you have to really because no one should make us feel like this but in all honesty I don't think people mean to make you feel bad they simply do not understand unless they have been through this; and I guess we shouldn't expect them to either.  It's just life I think.

You go out there and enjoy being alive and having your amazing DD and wonderful DH and live life to the full, its there to be enjoyed regardless of insensitive people around us!!

Hope this helps.

xx


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Massive hugs people really don't understand the implications on infertility and often assume cause u have one u can have another, we know that's not true. 

I started reading all the postives on having a single child and that helped a lot and I know point these things out to people. I am fast considering setting up a single child parenting group on ** or something.


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## eibhlin (Mar 4, 2009)

Hey Daisymae   

That's lousy, what an awful thing to say to someone. I remember my Mother going on about sticks and stones, but that's not true, words can really hurt.

What's wrong with these people, having babies isn't (and shouldn't be) like collecting Pokemon cards regardless of a person's fertility   Families and people come in all shapes and sizes for a gazillion reasons. 

xox


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Daisymae,  I used to get asked that question all the time, or the "when are you planning your next one"  (alongside the comment, looks like you're enjoying your grand-daughter very much !!) - and on each one, I'd put the strangers in the picture in no uncertain terms.... but yes, these comments hurt you to the core, especially when you you would dearly love a sibling for your child..... but I have to say, these comments diminish once your little one grows from 'baby' - towards becoming a toddler.... the world and his dog loves 'babies'.

And as DBaby says, you do become more hardened to well meaning but inconsiderate ramblings of strangers.

Hugs

Sheila - blessed with an adorable angel - forever grateful but will always wonder 'what if'


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

I have severe endometriosis resulting in multiple cysts and adhesions, whilst waiting for IVF initially my little miracle came along, now aged 8! The struggle for number 2 was extremely painful and frustrating and the feelings of longing for a second were equally as strong. I had all the 'about time you had another one' comments followed in more recent times by 'ah is one enough for you!' I have become hardened to it to some extent but I do wonder why people feel the need to comment...!
We are now approved as adopters and I must admit am quite looking forward to arriving in the playground with another child and letting the commenters wonder, ha ha x


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Crazyspaniel - Woohoooo - congratulations.

Best wishes
Sheila


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## kara76 (Dec 14, 2004)

Wow congratulations

I was asked today from a friend met through baby group if we have decided whether to do more ivf, I was surprised really as she knew our history and used clomid for her first and second one came along easy.so even through she had a rough journey she felt the need to ask. 

What pees me off most is its always but two would be nice, surely you want a sibling etc etc. I tell people I don't have that choice and if it were naturally I wouldn't of even had to question whether to try again or not. 

I'm not sure I will even fully accept I won't be pregnant ever again but I'm at peace with it cause I can't picture another baby in our lives, shame really as dd loves babys lol


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## JuliHiffins (Dec 28, 2012)

We get asked by people _all_ the time if we are going to have a sibling for our child. Yes, its annoying. We probably won't be able to have any more kids.

I've also had one person tell me I am "selfish" for not having a second child. She doesn't know that we've been trying to have one, she just assumed we didn't want any more. She is a yucky person that I no longer talk to anymore.


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## JuliHiffins (Dec 28, 2012)

Also, I would_ love_ a support group for parents of only children.

Many of my friends have more than one child. They don't understand that my child is lonely and they will be very casual about not showing up for a playdate, or not coming to her birthday party. When I try to explain that my daughter is lonely, they just make callous comments like "oh well, she will outgrow that". My daughter is four years old and has cried because she wants a sister. She doesn't understand why she has no siblings. Also, most of the people we know were fertile and had no problem getting pregnant. They do not relate to our struggles. They don't understand about the unique issues in raising an only child.


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hello honey

 

Bless your DD, my DS is similar in age and similar whereby keep asking for a sister, they are too young to understand bless them.

Do you have siblings with children whom she could have a playdate 

I have found it easier of sorts since DS started school but now most of his classfriends have more than one sibling..... he wants a sister again

You are not alone honey 

Donna


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## JuliHiffins (Dec 28, 2012)

Donna Marie said:


> Do you have siblings with children whom she could have a playdate


No.

Also, I would like my daughter to have playdates with little girls her age, and all of my friends have boy children. I still arrange playdates with them, but would very much like her to have a playdate with a little girl her age.


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## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hello

Oh thats a shame, we are the same here, have you tried contacting your local childrens centre to see if they have any contacts or your Health Visitor they may know of something.

Sorry i cant help further honey, frustrating i know, all of my nieces/nephews are teenagers so its a little restricted, that said it has been easier since he started school he has found some nice little friends and one he goes on playdates and the LO also comes to our house for playdate.

Donna


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

JuliHiffins - you could look on netmums for other mums with girls your DD's age. There's a meet-a-mum section, you could even post an advert yourself - you never know who you might meet


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## JuliHiffins (Dec 28, 2012)

kandykane said:


> JuliHiffins - you could look on netmums for other mums with girls your DD's age. There's a meet-a-mum section, you could even post an advert yourself - you never know who you might meet


I am not familiar with netmums but I will check it out. Thanks.

I am also thinking about a Big Sister program. We have those in our area - Big Brother or Big Sister. My nephew was in a Big Brother program because he did not have a father figure in his life, nor did he have any brothers. Some older boys would come over and play football with him.


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