# do u still cry?



## Ipswichbabe (May 17, 2005)

althought youre happy with the choice of adoption, do any of you still  cry over not being able to concieve naturally, or being about to have gottten successful with ivf etc.....
I am worried this feeling of wanting to be preg, will always be with me....


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## sjm78 (May 22, 2007)

We are coming to the end of our home study and cant wait for an addition to our family.Still have occasional bad days and also wonder what it would feel like to be pregnant. Dont feel you are alone when you have a bad day sure there are many people on here who feel the same .Always better to chat about it.


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi Ipswichbabe,

I cant answer for anyone else on here, but I still have my moments.  It will come on when I am least expecting it, and I still feel tears building up when I hear news of a friends or colleagues pregnancy, and yes I still yearn to have a baby concieved by me and my hubby and wonder what our own child would look like.

Adoption is not a replacement for having your own child but we see it as an opportunity to bring up and parent a child that needs a loving and caring environment and it is that what we are so looking forward to.  I think your pain will get better in time but there will always be that little part of you that yearns for your own biological child.

This is only my opinion of course and like I have said it may not be the same for everyone on here.

Take care of yourself and all the best with the adoption process

Love

dawn xx


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## Ipswichbabe (May 17, 2005)

yes, but u dont you feel guilty....i feel like i only want to adopt cos i cant get pregnant, and thats wrong, isnt it?? its about the child, not me.


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## sjm78 (May 22, 2007)

Always considered adoption as a positive step made stronger by attending prep course and reading up on adoption . we all need time to get over fertility treatment but you are right the child must come first.Remember the adoption process takes time and you will experience a lot of emotions in that time.Try to stay positive and dont be to hard on yourself .


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

I don't think you would be normal if you didn't cry from time to time over what may have been.........this is all part of the grieving process and one we all have to go through.

When friends announce they are pg it does not hurt anymore as I have my family & it doesn't matter who brought them into the world its the brining them up to become the beautiful children they are that counts ......thats just my thought.

It sounds as though you need a good cry and a hug and to be told it's OK,,,,,,,,,,,,,,so here is a hankie,  a hug (((())))  & it will be OK!!


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Yes!   I can still have moments!!

Four years on since IVF and 2 and a bit since we adopted DD, I still have the odd wobbler, although, I must admit, they have become a lot less over the past year. But then, there are certain times in my monthy cycles when I'll easily cry about anything and everything, present and past!!  

My best friend is preg at mo and this is the first time, Ive seriously felt no jealousy towards a pregnant person, although I wonder if I'll still be as detached once this baby arrives. ??!! 
I've always been maternal and I still coo over any baby, whether that be a friends or someone's in the supermarket!

I get broody from time to time, as I always have done, I've just learnt to not beat myself up over feeling broody like I once did. Now I know, it's just part of me. And yes, I have many thoughts of what might have been.

Like Superal says, it's natural to have these feelings and have the odd cry from time to time. No matter what happens in life, it's not something that we can switch off.

Don't worry about getting it out of your system with a good cry.

Take care, and look after yourself

xx


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

As the others have said it's natural to have these feelings.  During the process I still had these feelings but after we got DS they gradually disappeared.  That was not to say that I didn't get broody sometimes and have the odd dream of falling pg (everybody always wants to tell you stories about people who adopt and then fall pg) but I was no longer jealous of other people's pg.  I still occasionally get a bit tearful when I think of the baby I lost but I think that is just natural grief.

At an event the other week I met a woman who had adopted 3 siblings under 5, 9 months after she had them she fell pg and will now have 4 children under 6.  My first thought was OMG I'm glad it's not me.  I'm finding 2 kids hard enough work I certainly couldn't imagine more  

Don't beat yourself up about things we all have bad days.

Cindy


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

I think we all still have bad days now and then.

I don't get as agitated as I used to when af arrives (infact now I am not stressing over ttc my cycles have regulated, was anything up to 80 days before now bang on 33 each time)

My best mate is pg at the moment and another friend was feeling her bump, I couldn't bring myself to do that as all my memories of doing that previously have gone and I don't want to know what it feels like now as that is my one regret, that I never got to carry a baby.    I am fine about other ppl being pg, but I am still curious and hate to hear people moan about it.

Sounds like you are feeling like many others here

Karen x


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## suffolklady77 (Aug 2, 2005)

hiya ipswichbabe 
dunno if its of any help but i'm not far away if you ever want to have coffee and spill your guts then i'm always available 
im me if you want my mob no 
-Gayle x


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## Lynnm (Mar 7, 2006)

Hello There

Like the others are saying - dont be too hard on yourself.  I truly believe that these feelings are very much normal.  We are all humans with feelings/emotions and not robots.

After numerous attempts on the IVF rollecoaster, I could not continue as I couldnt take the pain and disappointment any more.  When I started the Adoption process I felt I so much more relaxed and at peace.  So I saw this as a positive step.

A close friend recently had a baby and I felt a bit   as there was a lot of conversation with others around preg symptoms and labour and I couldnt contribute   But after thinking about I look on it as being a small part and the parenting itself is far greater - which is what we are going to be doing  

I think the feelings dont totally go - but they are nowhere near as 'raw'.  

I sometimes struggle to explain my feelings to my family and friends - think I sometimes still feel guilty  .  That is why I take comfort in the support around on these boards.  So if you need some support/reassurance, dont be afraid to holler    You are by no means alone.

Take Care
Lynn x


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## jess p (Sep 25, 2004)

Hi fellow Ipswich gal!

I am adopted - I was a 6 week old baby in 1967 when I landed on my parents' doorstep (not literally!) & my mum & I often chat about what it was like for her & she's told me that, even 40 years on, she occasionally wonders what a child that was part her & part my dad would have been like - but of course she's still made up she's got me! 

I guess it never goes away, you just have to learn (oh so easy to say!!) how to deal with it in your own way so that it becomes manageable.

Good luck!

Love Jess xxx


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi Ipswich Babe, 
I thought I'd add my little bit here of what I feel like!
When we started our adoption journey, I felt as if I huge weight had been lifted from me, by the time we were half way through our HS, I would forget when AF was due and actually got caught out a couple of times (something that had pretty much never happened before). We are going to matching panel today to have our match with a little boy (aged 4) and a little girl aged (16mths) approved, I can honestly say that at the moment if you gave me a choice between being pregnant with my own child or having these two littlies there would be no competition, as these two feel so much that they are the children that we are meant to be parents for. 
However...I do agree with Lynn that it can be a bit hard when everyone is talking about their labours and pregnancy's and I'm sure that this is something that will regularly crop up over the years. Of course it does help a bit too if you focus on the negatives of preganancy, I have a close friend who is due anyday now who had severe nausea and vomiting through most of her pregnancy, and then there are all the nightmare long labour stories with emergency C-sections at the end that alot of my friends seem to have been through and I could also do without the addittional 3 stones (at least) that I inevitably would have put on and the stretch marks!!   Of course we do have our own form of 'pregnancy' through the HS and I guess introductions will be a bit like a very long labour!!! But on the whole I've found it to be a very positive experience so far.
Love Viva
XXX
P.S. Don't feel guilty, we're all adopting because we can't get pregnant, for all that I've just said it would be alot easier, quicker and emotionally painless if we were having our own children! The main thing is that you will make a special child a very special Mum and from the moment you are matched it will be all about them, which is so much easier to focus on when it is a real child and not a theoretical child.


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## sundog (Jun 21, 2007)

Viva, you have just said it all, so sucinctly and I really can't add another thing!


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