# 43 with one failed IVF



## 88994 (Apr 16, 2013)

Hello, I have been registered here for some time but not spoken before.
I am 43 years old, lost my fallopian tubes following a miscarriage in 2010 and a bad case of medical negligence which took 2 years to be looked at, I had infections in my tubes.  All along my GP was telling me I had bad periods, "get over it".  As a results of my health issues and my infertility I suffer with severe depression and anxiety.  I also have Lupus and sticky blood. 
We were left with no support and no chance at IVF as I was over 40 by the time it all got sorted, I had to have 3 operations and my partner has a teenage boy from a previous relationship.  I started a small business from home and I also blog about my struggles, we have been saving very hard for the last two years and we had our first cycle of IVF this February.  
The clinic was local and awful, needless to say we wasted our money.  I knew that my chances were low but the support and the service was terrible.
My AMH is 22.5 and I produced 8 eggs, 2 of which fertilised, at the time of transfer I was told they were good quality but at my review apparently they were average...  Sadly they didn't stick most probably due to my blood issues and we are back to square one.  Despite being followed by a Lupus clinic in London, our IVF clinic made no effort to communicate with them or take any lead from them. Our treatment was standard, not tailored as they claim in their advertising.
I was told by the clinic that I shouldn't try with my eggs anymore than one more time because my chances are even lower now and my treatment was high dosage. I've no idea what's normal as they didn't explain.

We are hoping to try once again, possibly for the last time this summer and looking at going abroad, perhaps Prague.
I am still deeply hurt and struggling with our failure but I am interested in looking around at other people's experiences and advice on my "good days" I have noticed an over 40 thread.

I hope this post is ok and thank you for having me.
Steffie x


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Hello lovely 

Glad you found your voice  There are lots of threads that may be of use to you, and the ladies will have some great advice. There will be a lot to take in but do shout if you need any help. At least no one will give you a hard time 

Czech Republic is here: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=347.0

Mild IVF ideas here : http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=535.0

Improving your eggs : http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=226042.0

And a little look at DE : http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=551.0

xx


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## 88994 (Apr 16, 2013)

Thank you lovely xx


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Ok, I've moved you over to the Over 40 board. The ladies have a wealth of experience so why not ask some questions  

xx


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## Twinkletoes42 (Aug 29, 2016)

Steffieb

Sorry you are also going through this . It is really a tough journey . I'm 42 , 43 in April my AMH is 11.1 . I had ivf last August they got 9 eggs 7 mature 5 fertilised . By Day 5 transfer 3 blastocysts had failed to develop and the 2 left weren't great quality but I had them both transferred and .... BFN . I was really devastated. 
It didn't help that my colleague at work ( who was 6 months pregnant st the time ... oh and knew I'd just had a failed ivf cycle ) stood near my desk with 3 other pregnant ladies at work sharing scan pictures ...

I was devastated and ... she didn't think that her actions might have been a little insensitive  

So I'm just about to start 2nd cycle of ivf .... ( should have started on 18th ) but at 1st scan they found a cyst on my ovary so my ivf cycle was cancelled  

I'm really nervous as I'm hoping my ivf will go ahead next week but who knows if that cyst is still there 

I'm trying one last time with my OE but it really is tough so I understand what you are going through ... stay strong  

Kate


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## Ljp64 (Nov 23, 2013)

Hi Steffieb

I had my first cycle of IVF with my own eggs three years ago at 41. I have only one ovary and Fallopian tube, the tube I do have is blocked. I had  two surgeries before starting IVF. 
On my first cycle despite a high AMH I only got three eggs. Two fertilised and I got pregant with twins which I lost. 
I moved straight to DE, I wanted to increase my very slim chances and I felt comfortable with using a donor as I just wanted a baby. I know that many women do not reach that decision as easily as I did. 
We decided on Spain and after two full cycles I am 34 weeks pregnant. I have a BFN and a chemical in between. 
That's my experience. I personally know other women who have had healthy babies using their own eggs at my age and some who've had DE babies. It is certainly very possible to have a baby in your forties. Don't give up if it's  what you want. 

Good luck!


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

I concur with the other ladies. It is perfectly possible to become a mum in your 40s - some do it via OE, some DE. I went straight to DE due to starting tx when I was 45 and wanted best chance of having a baby. I have never regretted it - I totally never think about the DE aspect now, they are just my beautiful children. I had double donation and my son is now 2 1/2 and gorgeous. I also got 3 blasts frozen. I went for FET last year, and now have a beautiful baby girl aged 19 weeks. I have been so lucky but it shows how possible it is. I was 47 when DS born and 49 when DD born. I also still have 2 frosties in storage and am even contemplating trying again with them. 
You can be a wonderful mum in your 40s. If you use DE (you have to be ready to do this, some women never get to this point) your chances are just the same as anyone else unless you have particular fertility problems as with a donor egg you have a good chance of it implanting, but obviously it's not guaranteed.


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