# BFN can't stop the tears



## bnbnb (Mar 1, 2008)

Hi

New to this site & have found it a real help - 
ttc for 6 years - had 9 courses of clomid in all -  all bfn. 
Each time though I still felt positive for the next go.

Now though, after my first ovulation induction with menopur & the hcg injection this month (after waiting 5 months for my period to start - very irregular due to pcos) I was due to test on Sat but AF started with a vengeance this morning     
It's extremely painful & heavy AF & I can't stop crying all morning - luckily i'm off work this week!

Unlike with clomid, I was very hopeful this month for some reason which is why I think it's hit me harder.
Also, I only get 2 more goes with these injections before I am referred to St Marys in Manchester for IVF which i'm advised is at least 18 months waiting list (if i'm lucky!)

I'm sorry to sound so moany - I know a lot of women on here have been through a lot worse but i'm just getting it off my chest here as friends/family are sympathetic to a point but really haven't a clue how soul destroying it is when you desperately want something you may never have 

I have wanted to be a mum since I was still at school - always had ok jobs but never chased a 'proper' career as I always presumed I would be a full-time mum instead.

Now at 32 I have neither & today it is hitting me hard. I know 32 is still young in the doctors eye's - they always feel the need to remind me, but I have never felt older or sadder than I feel today.
On top of that, dh is working away until the weekend.
Getting lots of cuddles from my 2 furry babies (jack russell puppies) instead 

Moan over! 
Wishing everyone love & luck for their next cycle


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## emsylou (Mar 14, 2008)

Hi hunni, i just wanted to let you know that i am thinking of you, your thread brought a tear to my eye. 
I wish you all of the luck in the world, you realy sound like you deserve it hun. 
Best wishes
Lulu
xxxxxx


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## J-Mo (Feb 23, 2007)

Hi

Just wanted to say that I know how you feel. My story is below in my signature.

I got a BFN today after a great IVF cycle. Im just so devastated and dont know what Ive done wrong. I thought I had the best chance possible with 2 blasts on board and still my body is so useless that it cant keep them.

Ive been crying all day and dont know how Im going to pick myself up yet again. Im waiting for the clinic to call me back although right now I cant imagine putting myself through anything ever again.

This hurts so much more than last time.

I dont know if I will carry on, I will have to see. Im taking things one hour at a time. 

I suppose I just wanted to say that I hope you find comfort in that we know what you are going though

Jen x


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