# Post-adoption support, or lack of really!



## weemoofrazz (Sep 6, 2013)

Hi all

I recently had the chance to meet up with a crowd of adoptive Mums from all across our LA without the presence of SS! As we all know it was great to be able to talk in a group of people who REALLY get both our feelings and experiences, as well as that of our kids. 

There was one very common and considerable thread of conversation that all the Mums were very vocal about, the complete lack of any post-placement support. I can only speak for our LA and our neighbouring LA when I say that there is absolutely nothing available here for adoptive families, and adoptees in particular. Sadly all of the kids I heard about from 9 other Mums clearly needed support, as did the parents who were desperately fighting and struggling to get something, anything in the way of therapy of any kind. No CAMHS, no play therapy, no psychologists and not even support workers! 

We were all fairly emotive about the fact that in some way or another we either were, or had been struggling to keep our families together and support our LO's as best that we could. We were all sold the glossy sell on our adoption training about how our kids SWs would 'really' know our kids, about therapy being available in abundance, should we ever need it, and of course spun the yarn that 90% of adoptive families with our LA don't ever need such support  

However, sadly it seems that the LA's figure of 90% seems more accurate when applied to the number of adoptive families who desperately need help! I know from all that we have been through the complete lack of any resourses and the enormous difficulty in accessing any such support where it does exist. We worry about our son's older sibling who had to return to his previous FC's for all our benefits, never getting the help and support that he desperately needs before adulthood. 

For me there is a fundamental flaw in the adoption process and this is where it lies, this is where SS don't have the needs of the children in their care at heart. Now I accept that govenment driven cuts have dessimated many services in recent years, that CAMHS is simply overloaded with a wealth of children, too many to ever possibly see, let alone help. However, asking adopters to be therapeutic parents is one thing, but asking them to be their childs therapist is for almost all a step beyond not only our competence, but the limits of our role as parents. Not every parent wants to assume this role with their child, can we be both therapist and parent? Do we want to be? Unfortunately for some of us this is what we end up becoming, without the training or the resources, yet we do what we can, never really knowing if what we're doing is right. 

Adoption disruption is becoming more common, placements are breaking down in greater numbers as larger numbers of children with greater needs and poor mental health increase. SS have an almost 'no comment' attitude to post-placement support needs, almost as if for them their work here is done, they dust their hands off and walk off into the sunset, the problem is now someone elses, ours. 

Now as I mentioned earlier I can only speak for mine and my neighbouring LA SS departments, and I know that by no means all SWs, or Social services are the same. I would be interested to hear from others about this subject to see if we are perhaps an isolated incidence of absolutely no post-placement support, i suspect though very sadly that we're not alone. We all know that love is simply not enough to help our children to achieve their full potential in life, whatever that may be. Surely it shouldn't just be down to us as adoptive parents to tackle the challenge of our children's mental health and well being, shouldn't SS and the government share some of this responsibility? If so, then why are so many adopters struggling on their own, fighting tooth and nail to access services and support that their children need.


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## CrazyHorse (May 8, 2014)

weemoofrazz, I am sad to say that the issues you talk about are a big part of the reason (probably the single biggest reason) I decided adoption was not an option for me when DH and I were considering whether to embark on IVF. DH had other reasons, but the lack of proper support for adoptive families whose children have special emotional needs was the killer for me personally. Not to mention how the SWs love to blame the adopters for their children's problems! As someone who has had depression and anxiety issues (well-controlled for years, but these things don't magically go away), there was no way I could open myself up to parenting a child likely to have significant pre-existing emotional issues, in the absence of sympathetic and proactive support from the agencies supposedly responsible for the welfare of these children. 

It's a huge problem, and it feels like too many SWs and (especially) their managers just want to make their target numbers and cover their backsides, instead of advocating for adequate provision of services. When they say that 90% of adoptive families don't need therapeutic support, what they really mean is that they refuse to provide these services to 90% of them because it would make the waiting lists too long and put egg on the government's face!

Anyway, sorry if I'm speaking out of turn as a non-adopter here, but this is something that really infuriates me. And it's why I just want to throttle people who say, "Well, you could always adopt" as if that's some kind of obvious solution to infertility!!!


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

WMF - it is shocking and if I'm correct your in the same country as me which hasn't accepted many of the changes that England have (& Wales to some extent).

For me, if life settles down then I wold really like to get more involved with AUK & pushing the government to listen - especially given we have a "supposedly socialist government". Like any positive change its the only way to get support & help the fight for others who walk this path.

My la has been pretty good when they can but budgets restrict them greatly which makes it feel like a chocolate teapot (hard for the SWs in that position). 

I know FCs don't get a lot of money but given the large bill to UK plc, there sometimes can be a focus on it & subsequent changes (sometimes just budget cuts). Unfortunately as adopters were very much behind everyone until disruption is on the cards as that's when SSs will face huge bills. 

Hugs though as I know the rage I feel at the injustice of it all (and more rage about Los who have to stay in sub-optimal homes without the right support to birth/extended families as decisions are made on £ rather than best future prognosis (not advocating removing of children unless absolutely necessary but some people need real help to be good enough and it's not there).
X x


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Well said WMF

Our LA isn't great either. My HV has been better and I've found support through voluntary organisations and fellow adopters. But LA idea of support is just more frequent visits by SW which doesn't always help and certainly doesn't help the children as they don't cope well with SW visits. 

What I would really like ATM is some proper counselling / therapy from somebody experienced in adoption and child psychology in adopted children. But it doesn't seem to be available via the LA. I know some VAs do provide this. 
I have managed to access something similar (starting in the future) via a voluntary organisation but our LA aren't even aware it exists which is terrible really. 
I do feel we have been left in the lurch a bit and the future frightens me when I stop to think about it. 

I'd like to be more active in future campaigns but for now I'm just exhausted by it all and just getting through each day. Maybe I'll always feel this way and that's why we adopters shouldn't be expected to shout so loud for what we need. Our LAs should do it for us. 



GG xxxx


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

We have managed to access therapeutic help funded by the placing LA but it wasn't easy it took a lot of meetings, visits etc and the threat of disruption to get it. Our trump card if you want to call it that is the adoption order, we haven't applied for it, although we are close now, lo has been home for almost two years...
We had the full backing and support of our approving authority, without that I doubt we would have got any help.
Dds sw wanted to blame my parenting, told me she understood it must be difficult suddenly being a full time mum, at that point I already had a nine year old birth son and had worked on a very part time basis since having him!
Our authority have encouraged us to complain several times.
The therapy helps a bit but mainly helps me understand why my daughter behaves the way she does, the behaviours lessen but don't disappear.
The scariest thing about finally putting in for the AO is that for the next three years the placing LA Will be the only place we can attempt to access support before we go back to our LA....

Like GG says I feel I should get involved in changing things but I have no energy left to fight anymore.


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

It's awful.  The new adoption support fund should mean there's more cash available for help, but we're struggling to access it because in order to apply for funding we need an assessment of support needs to be done.  It's now 10 months since we contacted post adoption support, and the assessment hasn't been completed nor is it looking likely to be soon given our SW has yet to arrange a meeting with other professionals which she is adamant needs to happen and the school holidays is almost on us.  I am also being blamed for a lot of the problems and the focus is very much on me.  I am sure there are things I need to be doing differently, but the SW is completely missing Wyxling's huge control issues and completely focussed on me.  She presents well in nursery, therefore the problem must be me.  I am crossing everything that when this assessment is finally completed it will give us the recommendation for a therapeutic assessment which the SW has mentioned a few times.  That would also include Bladelet.  I am just hoping and hoping that all the frustration of dealing with PAS is worth it and we get this in the end.


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