# Friend has offered to become a surrogate...do we decide a fee between ourselves?



## Shellyj (Mar 25, 2007)

Hi all. 
Totally new to this thread!!  I am facing a third negative with donor eggs, and a friend who is my age 39, has offered to become a surrogate, with the use of donor eggs.

I assume she is not too old, as will be using a younger donors eggs, and would plan to go abroad for tx.

Do we decide a fee between ourselves, or do we have to have legal papers drawn up?


Love and luck to all

Love Shellyjxxx


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## Amandajb (Sep 6, 2007)

Shellyj - what fantasic news!  You must have a strong friensdship for your friend to offer to do such a marvellous thing for you.  A wonderful woman indeed.

In this country Shelly, you are not allowed to arrange a 'fee'.  The courts take a really dim view of this.  You can only pay 'reasonable expenses' which will differ from woman to woman.  Anything pregnancy related can be put down as expenses, but in general the sums involve range up to around £15,000.  Anything over this and the courts will question why you have so many 'expenses'!

Your surrogate can claim for things like childcare of existing children, pregnancy clothes, loss of earnings, take aways because she can't cook, her husband's loss of earnings because he has to take time off work to care for his wife, travel to antenatal appointments...  I'm sure you can think of many things that could be on this list.  Some surrogates take all their expenses at the end, some take incremental amounts, others take a mixture.  Its whats best for the individuals concerned.  Whatever, the total amount received must be seen as 'reasonable' by the courts.  The last thing you want is to get all the way to the end and then find you can't get a PO!

As for agreements, well they are always a good idea.  

However, please bear in mind that although they are the best way (IMO) of getting down everyones expectations, rights and responsibilities, they are, alas, not legally binding.  

As an experienced surrogate, I always insist on contracts/agreements and life assurance being set up before anything starts.  Its a long hard journey so its important to get it down and agreed before hormones start getting in the way!

There are many, many other surrogates on this site, as well as IPs who will all advise you as to the best way forward.  That is the real beauty of this site.  PM me if you want any more help, but in the meantime, well done and good luck!


Amanda


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## Amandajb (Sep 6, 2007)

Shellyj


No - 39 is not too old!  Many surrogates don't start until they're over 40 and I have a straight surrogate friend who is 42 and just starting her 4th surrogate journey.

One clinic I have worked with take surrogates until they're 55!


Amanda


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

Hi Shellyj

As the resident lawyer here, I thought you might find it useful for me to drop in my five eggs' worth.

Having a written agreement is generally a good idea, but as others have said it is not legally binding (and it is not a legal requirement).  It is also something which you probably won't be able to get a lawyer to draw up for you, since the law prohibits fees being charged for 'negotiating' surrogacy arrangements.  Most people either draw something up themselves or, if they are going through an agency like SUK, use their standard forms.  Either way, the agreement is not legally enforceable if the surrogate (or her husband, for that matter) changes her mind.  

What is important is to get early advice about how the law works, so that you make absolutely sure you won't have any problems getting a parental order at the end of the process.  If for any reason you can't get a parental order, the alternative legal solutions are immensely difficult.

There are various conditions you have to meet, including that the surrogate has not been paid more than reasonable expenses.  The advice above is all very sensible - though people do seem to get away with paying sums up to £10,000 - £12,000, the law says that it must be 'reasonable expenses' so you need to take great care to comply with this.  So my advice is be very very careful about agreeing a 'fee'.

Once pregnant (or before if you want) it's sensible to update your wills and to put in place life insurance, just in case any of you dies during the process.

Hope that helps.  If you want some advice on your particular situation, just let me know.

Best wishes and good luck

Natalie
[email protected]


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

Yep - 'arrangement' just means something you have arranged between you, whether verbally or in writing.


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