# Desperate for some help re: TTC and breastfeeding!



## LadyMoonlight (Mar 10, 2005)

Hi Jeanette and Verity

I've posted before about my son but the breastfeeding issue is really getting me down!  He's nearly 20 months old and will not stop breastfeeding!

Over the last week we've both been laid up with a stomach virus and although I had previously managed to reduce breastfeeding to twice a day its now jumped back up to 5-6 times a day plus nighttime as well - basically "on demand".  Its like having a newborn again.

I really need to stop.  I just want to get my body back to normal - for one thing, I've not ovulated this month and we're ttc again with no success (I ovulated last month but we were unsuccessful and am not ovulating at all this month so we can't even try!).  

We are waiting for an appointment to see our previous fertility consultant for tests again (likely to be a few months' wait as we're going through the NHS) and I know he'll tell me to stop breastfeeding when I see him.  We will have to try naturally however as we won't be able to afford ART this time around.

But I can't stop my son breastfeeding - to him, breastmilk is all the food and drink he wants! He eats very little and I've tried denying him breastmilk in the hope that he'll be more hungry for food but it doesn't work this way - he just becomes hysterical for breastmilk and still refuses the food.

He will not drink cows milk or formula.  I've tried and he just won't touch the stuff.  He will drink water, squash or juice when thirsty but will not take it as a substitute for breastmilk.

He also wants the breast in order to go to sleep when he's tired.  If I deny him he'll scream and scream and cry until my nerves are so raw I just can't take it anymore and have to give in (I don't have much of support network and partner is at work most of the time so I'm on my own)

I'm really upset about this and don't know what to do.  My own Health Visitor really doesn't seem to know what to suggest as she says shes never come across this before, she also doesn't seem to understand fertility problems and the fact that, at 36 with a previous history of difficulty concieving, I don't have the luxury of waiting another 2 or 3 years before we start trying again!

Do I need to ask my doctor for some extra help?  I just don't know where to turn - at this rate he will be breastfeeding at 5 or 6 and will most certainly be an only child.  Its really making me upset and depressed and I need some help!


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## jeanette (May 3, 2003)

Hiya Ladymoonlight

Stopping breast feeding a toddler will take time and patience. There will be many tears along the way.

Ideally, you would cut out one feed at a time..trhen when he is used to not having a fed at that time cut out another.

Some mums have just stopped completely and told their toddlers that there is no more milk. Only problem with this approach is that he will be really upset plus your boobs will feel full and uncomfortable.

My friend had to 'hide' her boobs from her toddler as everytime she saw her mums boobs she wanted to feed!

Increase diary products during the day and keep offering water to drink.

Have a read of these links and see which approach you will feel more comfortable with:

http://www.breastfeedingmums.com/Weaning-a-Breastfed-Toddler.htm

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/breastfeeding/weaning/stopbreastfeedingexpert/

From NCT Website:

''Ending breastfeeding

Breastfeeding can feel so natural and normal for both mother and baby that one day the mother suddenly realises that she is now breastfeeding a toddler. She may then continue, day-by-day, until a reason to stop arises. Some mothers plan how long to breastfeed for while others prefer the child to decide. Sometimes the child loses interest before the mother is ready to stop, but this is not usually before 12 months.

If you decide that the time is right to wean your baby from the breast, there are a number of different strategies to use. Reducing the number of feeds means less breastmilk is made and is most comfortable if done gradually. Dropping one feed at a time, over a period of days, may work best. One way to do this is to be outside more often or to provide other distractions that you know your child enjoys, such as having friends round or going swimming, that will divert her attention. Some mothers use 'never offer, never refuse' - perhaps by avoiding usual breastfeeding situations, such as a cuddle in a favourite chair, but never rejecting an outright request from the child to feed. This approach may mean that ending breastfeeding takes longer.

Once your child is past 18 months, it may be harder to stop with a determined toddler. However, as the third birthday draws nearer it may become easier as you can talk about the situation with your child; for example, you may want to explain that you only want to breastfeed in the evenings now and not when you're out and about. If your choice is to let your child decide, you may find her need to breastfeed may gradually reduce or she may decide quite suddenly not to carry on. Occasionally mothers prefer or need to stop quickly. In all cases it is important that care is taken to avoid problems due to overfull breasts - perhaps by gentle hand expression for comfort around usual feed times, until this is no longer needed.

The process of stopping can be an emotional time, and breastfeeding counsellors are trained to offer skilled support. To contact a breastfeeding counsellor call the NCT Breastfeeding Line between 8am and 10pm any day of the year.''

I hope this information helps. Let me know how you are getting on.

You may have to look at getting him a special cuddly toy or blanket as maybe a comfort replacement for him so that when he reaches for your boobs you can give that to him instead.

Jeanettex

*POST CONTAINS UNCONFIRMED EXTERNAL LINKS; FERTILITY FRIENDS IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ITS CONTENT*


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## LadyMoonlight (Mar 10, 2005)

Hi Jeannette

Thanks for the advice, I'm still feeling very down about it - Arthur is wanting to feed all the time at the moment and not eating enough solids, and I feel like I'm trapped in a vicious circle.  I've started offering him a sippy cup with chocolate milkshake in it (he won't take plain milk) when he demands a feed, or a Farley's Rusk (his "bribe" food!) and sometimes it will distract him but not always.

He still needs his "boob" to get to sleep or a nap as well, which makes it harder.

I work on the weekends from 9-5 so for two days a week he can't feed during the day - its just a bit harder when we're together all day and he starts demanding a feed at 11am or 4pm and I find it hard to refuse him (especially when he starts having a tantrum)!

I'm planning on returning to the fertility clinic which was investigating us when I got pg with Arthur in a few months, because I am so desperate to get pg again and nothing is happening.  Could the fact that I am still BF be the reason I'm not conceiving, even though my periods have returned?


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