# much do u put on hold?



## GirlGamer (Jul 22, 2009)

Just asking, ive put it here but it is to everyone ttc really. but im sorta on this section. 
im not sure wot to do? 1st time ttc i didnt really think about it ie smokin, drinkin, health etc, i know that sounds crap but i was young at the start (21) and didnt really know a lot then. i did start out well but as time went on month after month, and nothing i still wanted to enjoy myself. i was of healthy weight and just had a drink at the weekends. then 2nd time round i was older (33) i gave up smoking before trying ttc was still of healthy weight, and wasnt an alchy by any means but enjoyed a drink. again as time went on and nothing i started to not take too much notice. i piled on the weight from quitting **** about 1 and half stone but was till in healthy bmi. thing was tho everything i did or planned was revolved round wot if its next month, wot if this wot if that. i wanted to try and diet and lose the excess but to a degree dint coz i just thought ah well i may be prego next month. this went on, wot if im preg on hol, if i book for in a few months time will i be preg for the flight? how many weeks etc it drove me crazy. i did slowly lose the weight id gained. and joined the gym once i knew about MF and wud need tx and let myself relax re life on hold and just went for it. last year i was so fit. still am but a lil more weightyer since splitting up then being happy with new DP. contented.
thing is, how long do u put yr life on hold for as far as health goes? i totally understand why u should be fit healthy, not smoke,not drink etc. thats all good and well if like most its just for a couple or 3 months then wam your preg, id happily sacrifice choc and wine and get to the gym every day for a couple o months if i thought id be pregnant straight away. u know wot i mean girls. so how much do u? im confused. right now i wanna lose a lil of the weight ive added, get back to training, im trying but then wondering if im doing damage. like i love to go running, not too far 2 or 3 miles will do. i do a hardcore very active class at the gym once a week, as i run in my 2 www worry i may be and doin damage. every time i pour  a treat of a glass of wine when i get back home from running my own business with all the stress of that a home to run and DP and DD that i look after, pluss stress of ttc. the tohught of not destressing by chilling with a drink with loved ones, friends at the weekend, or sitting in a cocoon "just in case" for the next 2 or 3 years after already putting my life on hold for 7 years altogther already drives me crazy . obviously at the first sign of a +ve thats different. 
just wondered wot u think and do?

ps obviously i did everything right during and just before my ICSI


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## pygmy1971 (Jun 26, 2009)

hello again GirlGamer  

Bl**dy hellocks...... you're my twin emotions!!!!  How spooky!!!!

As for putting your life on hold, i'm a woman possessed  

When i was ttc my DS years ago, i smoked on and off and drank like a fish when i went out, i even smoked the loopy weed too..... so shoot me for my honesty, i was a teenager!!

When i was put on Chlomid after nearly 6 years ttc, i lived the life of a nun.

Nothing happened and i lost all faith, me and my DH were at loggerheads and i was set to leave him.
I went out, got totally sloshed etc and had some wacky backy stuff.

A couple of months passed, i felt a little ill..... but never did a pregnancy test. My periods would be few and far between anyway, so i wouldn't know what it meant to 'miss a period'.
But then i began to feel exhausted...... and something told me to buy one last pregnancy test.
Over the years i could have bought a fabulous car with the money spent on the 'what if?' pregnancy testing kits.

It was positive!!!!  After all those years of ttc, i had let my hair down and it happened!

I was 12 weeks pregnant before i realised.

After DS was born, i ttc nearly straight away, spent 2 years on Clomid, but nothing happened.

Left DH - single for over a year - dated again - partied and smoked like a chimney and ate crap - 
met a nice new DP, but was a very brief encounter - did the deed ONCE - felt sick a few weeks after - PREGNANT!!!!

I was delighted, this baby was an absolute miracle.

Everything was going so well, but i got mega bad tummy pains, so had a scan to check everything was going as it should be. Hadn't told my DS that i was expecting, i wanted to wait for the three month 'safety zone' to pass.
Scan showed an abnormality and very wek heartbeat. I was all alone.
The scan the next day showed no heartbeat and that night i was prepared for my miracle baby to leave me. I was alone.

I went into 'run away mode' and immediately started to seek a new DP. Found him and moved in with him after three months. I'm still running away from October 2004.
Obviously i torture myself with thoughts of.... 'is it because i conceived while i was partying'.
Did i somehow weaken my egg?

End of story, i can't turn the clock back, i just have to live with those brief memories of my miracle baby in my tummy for such a short time.

My new DP had his vasectomy reversed, but it failed. Things have gone down hill since then.

If you ask me, i sometimes think that the stress of ttc is what stops many women (with ovulatory or unexplained fertility problems) conceiving in the first place.
After all, not meaning to stereotype or anything, but you only have to watch the Jeremy Kyle Show to see how many pregnant young girls are on there..... and they don't look as though they live the life of a nun..... if you know what i mean?

Aaaargh...... absolute minefield..... damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I'm told to lose weight to ensure better success at any possible treatment in the future, so how come the 15 stone woman across the road conceived naturally after only two months

No rhyme or reason to it.

X X X


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## pygmy1971 (Jun 26, 2009)

erm.... just read what i wrote last night.... i've made myself sound like a wild child!

Just to make things clear..... i was with my DH from the age of 16 until 31..... he was my ONLY partner..... when we divorced i met a new DP albeit brief..... then the DP i'm with now.... do not a bed hopper.

As for partying, it was done one night a week while my DS was with his father. And i only started having a blow out when i'd given up on the ttc rollercoaster.

I no longer smoke and i drink fruit smoothies until they come out of my ears, i only drink alcohol at New Years, as i very very rarely get to go out.

My reply to GirlGamer was in no way meant to come across as being ignorant to the fact that being healthy during ttc is not important...... it is totally important.
I was just making a statement, that the 'drop of a hat' gang don't prepare themselves for pregnancy..... oh my god.... i think i need a mega big shovel......!!!!  

I have to live every day with the 'what if' torture. What if i'd not got drunk while i was pregnant, even though i never knew i was pregnant at the time, What if i hadn't danced the night away?

Truth is, if you do everything by the book.... and should the most terrible situation happen, then you can quite honestly say to yourself that there was nothing that you did wrong.

Sometimes i say too much..... hope this hasn't cast a shadow over my name


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## GirlGamer (Jul 22, 2009)

pygmy i m sure noone read it like that. i certainly didnt, u were just echoing what i said about not being a nun. this is my point   i also said in mine that i like a drink, and that as u say as i did, it IS important that you lookafter yrself while ttc, u also need a life   wot u did with yr son on yr one night off is noones business but yrs. (when i was a single mum, i darent tell u wot i did on me nights when she wasnt in my company   )
I watched my sil who was off the pill but not ttc exactly, get off her head on  last year and she was 2 weeks late and knew she might be, my bro couldnt wait to tell me, (which killed and had to watch her drunk for the rest of the evening) so it didnt bother her. i too (coz i was young) had a drink a couple of days after my period was late but hadnt tested when i had DD, and smoked a few **** on and off too, so im the same. please dont beat yrself up over your miscarriage, easier said i know. it wasnt your fault mega   to u xx


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## lelly28 (Jul 30, 2009)

i found after 3 miscarriages that you can question everything...should i have had that cup of coffee? should i have lifted that hoover? should i in actual fact wrap myself in a huge ball of cotton wool and not come out until i see that baby in my arms?!!!! But i dont think that any of it helps. Obviously we need to be cautious..i for one never leave my folic acid out and i dont drink much or smoke now.

What i find the most annoying thing is how people on heroine and cocaine seem to have babies willy nilly with no problems conceiving or carrying and us living like nuns produce nothing!!!! It really gets me down....I am now thinking that i need to live life life as i would have done, have a drink go on holiday and if it happens it happens, otherwise time flies past so fast and before you know it half your life has gone


xxx


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## GirlGamer (Jul 22, 2009)

lelly my sentiments exactly. i dont smoke now gave up when i was trying ttc 2nd time. i still have drinks sometimes, or excerise or wotever how can u not? like i said it wud be great if u knew catagorically that in 2 months from first ttc u wud be. but 3 years later? i did put my life on hold for a long time in every way. it didnt make a difference to putting a baby in my arms. on the month i concieved DD i did nothing different to the other 23 months i tried. welcome to FF Lelly


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