# New here - need excuses for IVF appts



## Mamabear (Jun 22, 2008)

Hello everyone!

I'm new here but not to IVF. We tried it twice but both times failed, then fell pregnant naturally and have out "little bear" who is almost 5 now.

We have waited long enough for another natural pregnancy (it's 10 years since we last used any contraception) and have decided to try IVF again, but this time round we want to keep it to ourselves instead of telling everyone what stage we're at in treatment. So far, only sis knows and we want to keep it as secret as poss at this stage.

I have an appointment for a scan and trial ET on friday as part of my mock cycle - I may not be back in time to pick the children up from school (mine and the one I childmind) so need an excuse for this to tell my minded ones mum.

Also, when it comes to the actual cycle itself, what excuses can I come up with for all the clinic trips?

Any ideas welcomed!
Mamabear


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

HI & welcome to FF 

You've definitely come to the right place for support and advise.

I've moved your post from the IVF board to Introductions board as I think, as it's your first post on here as a new member, that this board is the best place for you.....and the other moderators will be able to point you in the right direction and give you hints and tips on how to navigate the website.

Wishing you lots of luck
Natasha


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## ctm (Sep 12, 2007)

Hi Mamabear 

I too struggle with appointments as me and my dh work at the same place and we both want to be there for all appointments. I have used the old favourite, dentist appointments, doctors. The only unknown is if you will need time off after ec. My 1st two times, I went back to work the day after but the 3rd time, I got OHSS so I did end up having a couple of days off.

Other than Doctors / dentist appointments, I really cant think of anything else  The things we have to do 

Good luck with your tx 

Ctm xx


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## Mamabear (Jun 22, 2008)

Thanks for the replies!

My problem is that I am a childminder and have loads of time during the school day when I can make doctors/dentists appointments, so any excuse I make has to be plausible enough to warrant be being out at school run time.  Also, it's not like I can just fill in a holiday form and request time off without going into too much detail.

Thanks for moving the post too, this seems like a quieter part of the board though so I hope people still pop in here for a look!


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## suzee (Jan 15, 2008)

Hi Mamabear,

I know what you mean about appts and white lies.  We've only told my parents and DH's parents.  No-one in my work knows but they are pretty flexible when you say you have a docs appt etc. although the way scans etc are looking I will either be late for or miss completely quite an important meeting but will worry about that in a few weeks.

Could you tell your minded ones parents that you have to take your mum or dad to an appt?    Or even with a friend to give them morale support?

Nothings ever easy is it?!!!

Suzee xx

PS good luck with your tx!!!


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## dakota (Feb 6, 2007)

Hi Mamabear,

Welcome to Fertility Friends, you have found an amazing site full of support, information and friendship.

I would use one of the excuses that you are taking a family member/friend to an appt if this is possible for you

Good luck for your tx    

Nikki xx


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello Mamabear, welcome to Fertility Friends. 

Congratulaitons on your little boy. I know how much joy he must bring to your lives and understand your longing to give him a sibling.

I know lots of ladies here find they cannot, for whatever reason, tell others about their treatment - either because they feel as you do or perhaps feel they might be unfairly treated at work.
For this mock ET, you could try saying it's emergency dental (say you broke a tooth and it's the only appointment you can get maybe?) 
For ongoing treatment, the best excuse is a version of the truth and say it's hospital appointment as these are, generally, the sort of thing you can't easily change. You could "invent" something (an ovarian cyst is a good one as this is in the general area and won't raise concerns if you are in any discomfort and also explain any symptoms of tx like bloated belly etc.). You don't really need to make any excuses at all if you don't want to. You could just say to your employer that you have a personal medical matter that you are having treatment for and it may mean you need some time off that, you hope won't clash with school runs etc but, if it does, it is unavoidable and ask for understanding. There might even be a degree of flexibility in your appointments so you can avoid the school runs for most of the time and it's just EC to ET that presents a problem.

While you are here on FF, why don't you check out the folowing links. I would encourage you to join in and start posting as I know you can make some great friends here and get plenty of support while you undergo your treatment:

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Hoping for another miracle ~ **CLICK HERE*

*Babydust - Parents place for chat and support ~ *  CLICK HERE 

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. You will fnd a thread, usually with a funny/inspiring name for this year's buddies. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment.

*Cycle buddies ~ *CLICK HERE

And don't forget to have a bit of fun while you are on FF and check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area:

*Girl & Boy talk - Community & Fun Board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie night in the chat room every week (*Wednesday at 8pm*), where you can meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

Wishing you lost of luck! 

C~x


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## WendyD (Feb 28, 2008)

Hi mamabear and welcome to FF

You've found an amazing site with lots of lovely ladies.

Defintely think the general hospital appointment either for yourself or as support is a good one - just in case someone spots you in the car park   I know that would be my luck!

Good luck for your tx hun    

xxx


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## Mamabear (Jun 22, 2008)

Thankyou everyone for your helpful advice, and kind welcome.

We have decided to say nothing this time. DH had booked the day off to come with me, but depending on the appointment time, he may have to stay at home and pick the kids up for me (I checked that's ok with their mum today) and I will have to go for the scan and trial ET alone.  I'm not looking forward to it as I was in a quite a bit of pain with the transfers I had before - but I'm not sure what else to do.  As a childminder, it's doubly dificult to have time off at short notice - not only do I have to arrange childcare for my little one, but parents have to have time off too for their children.

We would rather not tell anyone this time round as I remember how terrible I felt when treatment failed before, and I don't want everyone asking how things are going all the time! If I can get away with vague hospital appointments then I will, but also if I have no choice but to tell then I'll tell.  It's awkward as kiddies mum has a medical background so it'll be difficult pulling the wool over her eyes!
Also, we are using donor eggs and I'd rather people didn't know about this until much further down the line when the child is comfortable with it too.  This does mean that my part of the treatment is much simpler though, less trips to the clinic so less excuses to think of.

Thanks for all your good wishes x


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Mamabear - i actually quite like Caz's suggestion of a suspected Ovarian cyst - although it is a porky, it is in the general area - and she's right, it would help to explain any discomfort etc afterwards.

Good luck anyway - and welcome to FF!!


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## EJ_wales (Mar 8, 2007)

I would deffo say you have an ovarian cyst (having had lots of them myself - genuine ones!!) they are painful, needs scans to monitor them and you also need to see Gynae depending on what size they get to.

So, you could have an appt for a scan, then a follow-up 6 weeks later (standard practuce for a cyst bigger than 30mm), then see GP for the urgent results, then have to see the gynaecologist who is BOUND to ask for a further follow up scan or 2!!  That amounts to quite a lot of appointments and excuses!  Then you can always say at the last scan that the cyst seems to have disappeared!

Or just be very vague and say lady problems? Most people don't question that too much and surely the parents of the child you mind wouldn't expect intimate details?


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