# End of road - Looking for Surrogate Mom - Please Advice



## HR (Sep 13, 2008)

Hi All,
Today I had another BFN.  I don't even have a count of the number of cycles I have tried IVF anymore.  I am completely in tears.  The emotional side of me is finally taking over me.  I think I have come to an end of the road now.  This journey is making me dead inside and there seems to no more passion left in me.  I have beaten up myself so bad in all possible ways.  With these many cycles, the drugs involved, the emotional side, the physical side, the financial side, everything has hit me hard.  I am destroyed within.  I really don't know where to go from here.  

I have been contemplating Surrogacy for some time now.  But I see too many challenges in this road too.  Currently we live in Denmark, the law here is not clear about surrogacy.  It says surrogacy could be allowed if it is altruistic.  I have heard of people in Denmark travelling abroad for surrogacy.  
I come from India, I did consider surrogacy in India, but the money involved really makes me wonder if we could afford it anymore.  We have shed all our savings in the uncountable IVF cycles.  I am totally confused and feel like to talk to people who could understand my situation.  I don't have anyone whom I can discuss this all with.  I really find this forum useful and see that there are people who are considerate and helpful.  
If anyone have any advice for me, please help.


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## Liesje82 (Nov 15, 2012)

Dear HR,

I completely understand your feelings! Especially the part of the passion.... If your wish is so big and you are confronted with so many failures, it will totally destroy you in every way. You have probably lost faith in yourself, your body, in everything....

Our history: male factor. We did 10 icsi (both fresh and frozen) attempts, all were BFN unfortunately. My uterus looks fine, we make great day 5 embryo's but somehow they didn't stick.

We now decided to move on with surrogacy. My sister in law offered to be our carrier (so greatful for that). We are from the Netherlands and surrogacy is allowed as long as it 's not commercial. We Will have our treatment in Chezch republic.

Tonight i'll start with my puregon injections and we hope to transfer 1 embryo with my sil around the 28th of january. I am very excited but also scared. What if this fails as well? What Will our next step be?

I wish you all the luck with your decisions and if you have any question feel free to ask!

Love
Liesje


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## HR (Sep 13, 2008)

Liesje82 said:


> Dear HR,
> 
> I completely understand your feelings! Especially the part of the passion.... If your wish is so big and you are confronted with so many failures, it will totally destroy you in every way. You have probably lost faith in yourself, your body, in everything....
> 
> ...


Hi Liesje,

Thanks much for writing to me. 
Sorry to know that you have had a long journey like me. But I am glad to know that your SIL has come forward to help you. 
Its so nice to know that there are still people out there who would offer such help. 
I really wish you the very best. I could imagine the excitement you would be experiencing now, now it could really be a big turning point in your life. 
I truly wish that you suceed in this cycle, and your dreams to come true at the end. I would love to hear from you when that happens. 
While I write to you, I realise that my passion is not completely dead, I still could feel for others and still want the best for them. 
Thanks for making me realise it with your message.

Hugs - HR


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## kaosfusion (Oct 24, 2011)

Hi!

I thought I would also reach out to you and say - don't give up hope!  I have been matched with a non-related GS so it is possible to do it outside of the family.  I have a good friend who is in Norway who has been a surrogate for many years despite the laws so it is possible!

The main thing is to start building relationships and learning all the tricks......any help or advice you need please feel free to ask 

Big, HUGE, hugs to you!

Claudia


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## HR (Sep 13, 2008)

kaosfusion said:


> Hi!
> 
> I thought I would also reach out to you and say - don't give up hope! I have been matched with a non-related GS so it is possible to do it outside of the family. I have a good friend who is in Norway who has been a surrogate for many years despite the laws so it is possible!
> 
> ...


Thanks for your message Claudia. I am sorry for what I see in your signature. You seem to have had a painful journey too. But I am glad you have found a new way for you now. I have sent a private message for you. Thanks for stopping by to write to me.


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

Dear HR

I am sorry to hear of your long road to have a baby. Infertility is harsh, and can be all-consuming.
No matter what the obsticles, you can have a baby via surrogacy. I now have my little baby Charlie, he is 6 months old and adorable, born to a UK surrogate mother. The road was not difficult and I wish we had done it sooner. We counted up the cost of IVf and we had spend close to 80K on IVF with no baby and all the stress and heartache. Our surrogate mother did charge expenses of 15K, but its a small price to pay for the beautiful bouncing baby we have with us today. The paper work was straight forward and  our court order for him was granted smoothly and quickly 2 months after he was born.
Dont give up, do lots of research, if you really want a surrogate baby, it can be a reality, and you will have the baby you have always wanted, but maybe not in the way you planned..
Lily x


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## HR (Sep 13, 2008)

lily17 said:


> Dear HR
> 
> I am sorry to hear of your long road to have a baby. Infertility is harsh, and can be all-consuming.
> No matter what the obsticles, you can have a baby via surrogacy. I now have my little baby Charlie, he is 6 months old and adorable, born to a UK surrogate mother. The road was not difficult and I wish we had done it sooner. We counted up the cost of IVf and we had spend close to 80K on IVF with no baby and all the stress and heartache. Our surrogate mother did charge expenses of 15K, but its a small price to pay for the beautiful bouncing baby we have with us today. The paper work was straight forward and our court order for him was granted smoothly and quickly 2 months after he was born.
> ...


Thanks for the words Lily. Congratulations on Charlie's arrival. Such good news gives me hope. But at the same time I only feel stuck to be living in Denmark, with no open information about surrogacy. I do wish I made my mind to go for surrogacy earlier instead of going through several cycles of IVF. Now the road to get acquainted with a surrogate seems to be long and I am still not clear where I could look for them while living in Denmark.


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