# Close to cancelling treatment..but don't want to..



## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Hi ladies,

I'm not sure if this is right place to post, though last cycle was a bfn and we're on the cusp of travelling abroad for treatment.  Please move post if this is not appropriate place. 

I'll try make this short..

Basically after lots of heartache we decided we couldn't let our 'final' try in December be just that, so we embarked on treatment abroad for first time. I'm using DE having gone through early menopause. On previous cycles I've been on meds one month before ET to bring a bleed on.  I had my lining checked last month at it was 6mm, I was given trigger shot to bring on bleed, didn't work. My body has never conformed or done what it's supposed to do, when it's supposed to do it! Currently on 7th day after cyclogest progesterone to try bring on bleed - still no sign. We fly out a week this Thursday!! Donor EC and DH's 'contribution' on 17th July, ET possibly 22nd. 

The only time af hasn't shown when it's supposed to do  

I've emailed clinic our concern about timescale and our fear that treatment may have to be cancelled or rescheduled. All our cycles have been privately paid for, we can't afford to lose any money. I'll have big problems changing dates at work too as this time round nobody knows of treatment. 

If things were going as planned we would be really excited now and looking forward to our trip. As things are we are wondering if we should just cancel to spare ourselves more heartache, but there lies another problem... We so desperately want a child.

We went to our local village fair yesterday, lovely day, except it was jam packed with young families, babies everywhere, grandparents laughing and playing with their grandchildren.  DH and I with my parents walked round and it was pleasant, but 30 minutes in DH and I were very aware, or at least we felt lthat we stuck out like s sore thumb, like we were in a bubble watching everyone else.  DH is a local business man so knew majority of people there... All with families.. We also bumped into people we used to go to school with and not seen for ages, all with young children.  We shared pleasantries but it was obvious to us we had no common ground with anyone simply because we're childless.  Towards the end we found ourselves avoiding friends because of this gaping gap in our lives, and went home.

I know no one can give any answers but this cycle seems doomed before it's even started. I have emailed clinic and wait to see what they come back with, but just wanted vent my worry, upset and frustration. 

Thanks for reading

Essie xx


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## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Aw bless you *GG*, it made me smile as I saw your name, you're always there first with reassurance and advice 

My first day of estrogen should have been today 

It's funny you should mention that it's not a sign from universe because that's exactly what I've been thinking. That we're not meant to do this cycle. We've both been in tears this morning. Gennet have come back and said give it another 24 hrs, if no sign then go directly for ultra scan (easier said than done!), if lining thin then go straight on meds, but my lining a month ago was 6mm, as you know, I can't see it having decreased??

I can't really tell office manager, she's a bit of a gossiper and would tell, very unprofessional I know. If I have to reschedule then I guess I must, there is the flights too, money I'll probably not get back. I hate to use this but if it came to it I suppose I could use my dad's recent stroke as an excuse to change holidays at work. Don't feel comfortable doing it though.

Essie xx


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

Just sending you a hug honey and to let you know I'm thinking of you  

I think you need to put yourself first and if that means telling a lie then do it. Another option is that you could sign yourself off ill with stress, and it seems like that's not a lie with all that you have going on bless you   I know that some people don't like the idea of doing that, but then I think of the amount of people who have "Monday Morning" sickness or "morning after a bottle of wine" days and I definitely do think anyone should feel guilty for having sick time off for what is a medical procedure.

Oh, and don't worry about the Universe, it has other things to do!   Besides, being on here a while I'm sure like me you have seen the "everything was going wrong and we wanted to give up, and then it worked" story, and I really hope that this is yours   

Xxx


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## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Hi *Cloudy*, just wanted to pop back and acknowledge your lovely post, thank you 
Yesterday was an horrendous day and night after receiving an email from my clinic in Prague to get a scan sorted for the morning.. Not an easy task Sunday evening . Anyway I managed it, told a 'white lie' at work, got u/s scan and good news I'm ready to start meds 

Anyway, just really wanted to thank you for your kind words and advice.

Oh and I loved your last quote re: story... Fingers crossed eh..

*GG* replied to your pm 

Essie xx


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## RB76 (Jul 27, 2011)

Essie I just wanted to say that similar happened to me on our BFP cycle, except the other way round with AF appearing too early! I think it happens a lot. Gennet were totally unstressed (like you say, they think you can just get a scan at drop of a hat I think  )
Just saying, same could well happen to you (a BFP! As gennet are fab) good luck x


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## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Thanks RB76! They certainly keep you on your toes   Good luck for August xx


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## Shoegirl10 (Dec 24, 2011)

Ahh hun!! I do feel for you but as hard as it is please stay psotive

I know how it feels being surrounded by those with children but I am also aware that most people have their own difficult journeys

Focus on your treatment in Prague ... exciting times ahead!!!

xx


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## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Thanks Shoegirl   Xx


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