# What to do???



## Dallydoll (Aug 19, 2010)

I really don't know what to do, not sure this is even the right place for it, and I think I just need to write it down to get it out of my head for a bit!
We were truly blessed last year with our amazing Daughter who is honestly the worlds easiest baby, she turned a year last week, she was a fet and we have two remaining embryos from her cycle. I really really want another and soon however I'm feeling so guilty that I'm just not enjoying her and need more. I think as we had a bad start, she was 4 weeks early and in scbu for 2 weeks, also straight after birth the midwifes thought she had something wrong, it wasn't handled very well and basically turned me into a nervous wreck, and I seriously believe I had some sort of pnd for the first few months, I kind of feel I missed out abit, constantly worrying and anxious, I'm going right off my track lol, anyway, how did you know the age gap was right?  That's if we are lucky enough for it to happen again.
also, we always thought we would do the fet, however we have been given alittle bit of money and  can afford a fresh cycle, I don't know wether to save our frosties as I'm 34 this year! 
It's so unfair we have to think of things like this, all my NCT friends are like "oh, we're planning for next summer" etc. so unfair 
Thanks for reading 
X


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

why not get an antral follicle count scan and use that to help decide, as long as there's a good few follies, use the frosties. i say just go for it since there's no certainty they will defrost...the longer you wait, well the decision might get made for you...good luck. 
i'm pregnant with OE at 43 so in my view you have time for more fresh cycles. and since your daughter came from that embryo batch you have every reason to be confident in using them.


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## Dallydoll (Aug 19, 2010)

Thanks gold bunny, congratulations on your pregnancy! Been following your diary, ecstatic for you!
I never even thought of having the follicle count! Will make a doctors appointment this afternoon to discuss it! Thanks, really helped xx


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## KLconfused (Jan 2, 2010)

Georgiegirl
At 33 you have time so don't panic. Its a shame things happened the way they did with your little girl and you feel you missed out. I believe the second baby would be different as you would be more relaxed and have the confidence you have done it all before. Im certainly scared of going through the same problems with a second baby ie pre eclampsia. 

My first ICSI cycle didn't work and we had 2 frozen. We contemplated doing a fresh cycle and saving the frozen but in the end we used the frozen and had our daughter Isobel. I guess it depends on how many children you want and how much money you have. I would go with frozen myself but if you want a really large family it might be worth trying to save more younger eggs. For me the frozen cycle felt worse than the fresh as it was longer but the good thing was no EC! 

I knew now was the right time to try for a sibling as my daughter is sleeping through, eating well and straight forward. I just feel ready. What helped me decide was that I booked to start ICSI about 3 months ago. I woke up on the morning I was due for the first scan and I couldn't go in. My daughter had been up most of the night and I was arguing with my sister and I was tired and just felt I couldn't cope with the trips to the clinic and also a negative result. Maybe book to start again and see if you feel ready. It certainly focuses the mind. 

Good luck


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## slinkyfish (Jan 17, 2007)

Hi   

Having had twins in NICU I can totally understand how you feel   . NICU / SCBU is very hard on parents. The constant worry and separation takes its toll. I wont be lying if I say it totally put me off having any more as their first year was filled with worry. Have you spoken to anyone about how you feel? I was diagnosed with PTSD / PND after my boys came home and had some conselling. It really helped me come to terms with what had happened. Even if you have a chat with your DH, HV, GP or friends its always best to talk about it as it does help. It may be worth ringing the BLISS helpline for a chat, sometimes you just need to talk to others who have been through it to help get your head in the right place to move forward. Whatever you decide, just because it happened once does not mean it will happen again. I carried their sister to term and she was a whopping 8lb12oz yet only got to 28 weeks with the boys. Plus you will be more carefully monitored this time round. No 2 pregnancies are ever the same   

As for age gap, there is no right time. We had a frozen cycle when DD was 2 which failed and then moved abroad for 2 years. When we came back we tried again and fell pregnant with our boys. I was 38,  DD was 5. I was very aware my clock was ticking and we were amazed it worked first time again on a fresh cycle. Sometimes I wish they were closer in age and other times I love the fact she's older, but in all honestly I wish the gap was a little less between them as they are not interested in the same things and while they do play together shes not too keen on Spiderman role play    

I personally would also go for a fresh cycle as success rates are way better. Both our fresh cycles worked and the FET didn't. 

I hope that all makes sense and helps a bit xx


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Hi Georgiegirl,

Only you can decide what's best, but having done fresh IVF and DE (which in terms of medication, timing and procedures involved is exactly like a medicated FET), there is no way I'd put myself through another fresh cycle if I had frosties. Especially with a young child to look after and a history of psychological distress.

Another fresh cycle may never even be necessary if the FET works & you could have a lovely holiday or improve your home with your windfall instead of treatment - all the treats those smug fertile NCT ladies take for granted! Also with more fresh tx you could then end up with a batch of surplus frosties that you ultimately had to make a decision about letting perish.

In the worst case if the FET is not successful, it will only have delayed a fresh go by a couple of months & you will then definitely know you need the fresh cycle.

Best of luck whichever way you go!

B xxxx


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## Dallydoll (Aug 19, 2010)

Thanks everyone for some great advice, really appreciate it. I love this forum. Everyone's thoughts really helped. I have just got off the phone booking my consultant for a FET. Eeeeek, 
Thanks again xxx


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## KLconfused (Jan 2, 2010)

well done. so excited for you. good luck


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## Dallydoll (Aug 19, 2010)

Thank you, and good luck for the 30th     
Xx


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