# New and wanting advice / anyone in my position?



## scc39 (Apr 12, 2012)

I have longed for a child for many years.  My partner and I have been together for 3.5 years -I am 36.  We agreed when we met that having children was a priority, but as time went on he was dragging his feet.  Last month I discovered that I was pregnant.  It was a fantastic surprise, but he was angry.  After a very stressful few weeks with him continuously shouting, I miscarried on Monday night.  I am in a lot of physical and mental pain and he has told me that he now doesn't want children and doesn't want us to be together anymore, so I am dealing with relationship break-up as well as a miscarriage - and my sister gave birth to her second child this morning.  I am thinking that after being continuously let down and, in view of my age, that I cannot waste time looking for another partner to be let down again.  I am strongly considering the sperm donor option and would be interested to hear from people who have been / are going through this - or are in my position.


----------



## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

SCC, first of all, welcome to the singles board. 

I am so terribly sorry to read of your miscarriage.      The timing of your loss, coinciding as it has with the break up of your relationship and the birth of your sister's baby, must be so hard to endure.  

Although there may not be anyone in your exact situation posting on these threads, you will find huge empathy and support here.  As you will see from my signature, I'm at the other end of the spectrum in terms of thinking about using donor sperm but if you read the newbies thread you will find a number of women who are at the stage of at least thinking of using donor sperm, and on the IUI and IVF threads, women who are actively trying to conceive in this way.  If you go to the other side of the board (bumps and babes) you will find many, many women who are now pregnant or who have created families with the help of donors.  Feel free to post wherever you want - we are a friendly community! - and I'm sure you will receive a very good advice or information when you request it.  

Please take good care of yourself - I hope someone is close by to give you comfort as and when you want it, but in the meantime, lots of        from me at such a sad time for you.


A-Mx


----------



## bingbong (Dec 9, 2008)

SCC        sounds like a horrible situation and far too much to deal with all at once. As Inde said there are loads of single women on here who have had or are having or thinking about having treatment using donor sperm and we are all here to help and support you on your journey, whatever route you end up taking. I think that you're going through so much at the moment and would suggest taking some time to grieve and heal and then move forward with plans, having treatment and doing this alone takes a huge emotional effort and is not something to rush into. Have a look on the threads here, do lots of reading and thinking and posting and when you're ready start taking steps toward treatment. There's also a thread on here about a picnic in July that lots of us will be going to so have a look at that as it would be great if you could come. There's also a single ladies chat night in the chat room on here every Thursday from 7.30pm and you're always welcome on there too.


    


bingbong x


----------



## Elle72 (Mar 13, 2012)

Hi SCC, 
Sorry for your situation, I immagine it is hard. 
From a really rational point of view I would consider having eggs frozen, I assume you are 37 from your name and probably have still good eggs to frozen, you can then think about having a baby with sometime, knowing that at least you have done something in a way to try and ensure that possibility. I know it is a lot to take, but I would not decide to have a baby in a very emotional moment like the one you are in now. And maybe you want to see how things go with your partner/ex. I thought the egg freezing could be a nice safety bet to take.
Good luck with everything and post here whenever you feel like it  xxxx


----------



## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

Welcome to the board. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this  

I went through pretty much the same thing 3 years ago (Husband said he wanted kids, when I actually got pregnant he realised he didn't and made my life a living hell while we broke up, and I miscarried a few weeks later). 

Going through something like miscarriage is such a huge turning point in so many peoples lives, but I believe that the if you have anything to gain from it it is finding out the truth about your partner and your relationship. If you believe it was just the shock of finding out you were pregnant that caused him to act like that then so be it. If you think that this is just a defining moment and that you both want different things maybe it's time to think about your future. Nobody else could think of telling you to leave him or not, it has to be your decision.

That being said, I'm sure the ladies on this board are proof that if you do want to go down the single parenting route you can do it  

Take care x


----------



## scc39 (Apr 12, 2012)

Thank you very much for your supportive comments - I am finding this website really helpful.

Pollita - you're definitely right that something like this tells you the truth about your relationship.  Right now the break-up of my relationship is making a bad situation worse, but maybe in time, I will come to realise that perhaps it was a positive thing that came out of this awfulness.

I haven't really considered the idea of egg freezing. I had been put off by the thought of IVF, but it may be an option.  I'm 36 - I turn 37 at the end of the year and would like to think that my eggs were still OK for this.  I will definitely look into this, as this would be something that I could possibly do fairly soon.

It would be really helpful to meet up with other people on this board at the picnic and on he Thursday evening chat session.

Thanks, again, for your supportive comments - they have really helped.


----------

