# Starting therapy. How long?!?!?



## notgivingup (Apr 13, 2012)

Our kids have been with us for over a year.  A year ago we started the assessment process to get some therapy to build attachment with our eldest (now 6) and it still hasn't started. The LA is using adoption support fund and when this was agreed 3 months ago, a clinical psych came out to us to do assessment (again!) and she now has to go back to the LA to request the funding from ASF for the therapy. Arrrggghhhh!!!! Whilst all this is happening, our attachment is without doubt regressing and all we've had is some counselling for us from our social workers therapeutic team. It's so frustrating. We just feel all we've had is assessment. 
Also, the therapy being suggested is therapy via us as parents rather than anything direct between DD and therapist . I'm a bit concerned about this cause I feel our reserves are at an all time low and not sure we have it in us to successfully carry it out at the moment, which gets worse the longer we have to wait for anything. 
Anyone else in the same boat or been through this?


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

Sorry to hear you are having problems accessing support.  I have no experience of this, but the adoptinuk boards are pretty informative and hard core in where to access stuff, don't know if that will help.

Take care of yourselves at this time... Keep talking lovely xx


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## notgivingup (Apr 13, 2012)

Thanks FMN. Will take a look on those boards too x


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

If you post there's some very knowledgeable people on there....
Just have broad shoulders.... Some are very opinionated!!
Hopefully may help.... don't know what else to suggest.... hang in there and take care xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Yes my eldest has theraplay weekly funded by ASF. We are long distance so assessments etc were done by our placing council. We went and requested support in July last year. Our council were great and supportive they have an in house psychologist who I've always had contact with due to how challenging my eldest is. He said based on our parental report therapy was definitely needed. They wrote relevant reports and the girls placing council totally ignored them. Which is ridiculous as the funding isn't even out their budget. Our team repeatly contacted them and were ignored. It got to the last week of October and I was at breaking point eldest was so abusive none stop she was never nice or even neutral for a moment. Except when others were present then she acted the angel. My youngest was having nightmares every night totally traumatised by her sisters behaviour and was terrified to have me out of her sight as she was so scared what her sister would do to me. 

I called our council and said to tell the placing authority we had hours to days left in us as a family without help and we simply could not carry on. Either they care or they don't and if they don't and won't help them my eldest would have to be returned to foster care for my and her sisters safety. In their conscience be it as I had done all I could and without appropriate treatment for my eldest we weren't safe and couldn't carry on. The head of their team rang back and agreed over the phone that day to fund support. Disgraceful it took that but at least by the January assessments were done and therapy started. I also put her into a constant structured routine at home based on advice for children with reactive attachment disorder rather than insecure attachment which most advice is based for. It's incredibly hard but eight months in we are slowly starting to see results touch wood. Good luck x


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I have a thread all about it in post placement which is where most of these things are discussed more


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

Not giving up - sorry to hear you are struggling. 


we hit the wall with ds1 years ago....no ASF then sadly (and wales aren't eligable anyways). sadly we had to make the call to our SS to say you either fund therapy or we will bring ds to your offices and disrupt the placement at the end of the week - we called their bluff (i could never have gone through with it!). 
they made the calls and funded the therapy we needed, and it turned ds around. 


has your AO gone through yet?


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## notgivingup (Apr 13, 2012)

Hi, thanks for your replies.  We feel like we're just hitting brick walls all the time and like you diydiva our DD is a fantastic actress with everyone else but as soon as our door closes she switches.  She's not aggressive towards us which is good that our safety and DS's safety is not compromised but we just feel like it's never ending and our attachment is without doubt regressing and I just feel like a nagging horrible mummy all the time. It's not nice to actively avoid being with your daughter.  

We have a meeting next week for forward planning after much nagging by me and hopefully we can get some support sorted. Just hope I have the resources and strength in me to do the therapy when it starts as they don't feel and 1-1 with DD will be any use due to her 'actress' tendencies. 

Thanks for your support X


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

That's exactly how I felt and I was shocked how quickly she became quite objectionable and stroppy for her therapist. Then it made me realise that every other adult other than Me and dh let's her manipulate and control and be in charge. Her therapist doesn't. She started charming like oh I know let's do x instead but he always Stands his ground and says that's a lovely idea but we're doing y now. If she purposely sabotages' a game which she does a lot again clever and subtle she'll throw everything on two not three etc in a team game he says oh I've not explained properly or something similar he basically keeps the control even with her rebellions as he assumes he's not explained or modelled clearly enough rather than she is spoiling it. 

She's tried refusing to move off the floor crying her eyes out tantruming saying she hates him and wants his to leave repeatedly for four sessions. It's not the full depth of her behaviour at all but I thought she'd be nothing but an angel. Warning in the assessments she was a perfect actress and there was nothing to report except given how extreme her behaviour was that it was amazing she could act so we'll. She's different to most, most wear there heart on their sleeve. Psychologist believes her ability to act so we'll is representative of how serious her issues are and that she can totally emotionally disassociate. She's slowly loosing this capacity as she moves forward she's having a few public outbursts now and easier than she was at home. Still not an issue at school but we'll see how that plays out. If a psychologist doesn't believe you and see through it there not good enough to withstand the manipulation and won't be able to help. Good luck xxx if you want more privacy ask for this to be moved to the post placement board it's private access to adopters in placement only x


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Don't have much time but my daughter also charms the birds from the trees with other adults..!
This quickly changed in therapy sessions and continues to be the case 18 months later. After initial assessment by psychologist we were recommended 3 months of therapy when the behaviours started to emerge it became open ended and we have been referred for a psychiatric opinion alongside our weekly therapy.

Agree with Diva come over to post placement where it's easier to discuss specifics x


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