# Negative reactions to surrogacy?



## jennycakes (Sep 15, 2013)

Hi  

I'm new to the site and this is my first post. I've recently made an arrangement with a friend to be a surrogate for her with my own egg. I donated eggs to her in june, but the process was unsuccessful. We only met through a website where I had said I would like to be an egg donor and she emailed me to tell me she needed a donor. 

While I was donating eggs, a lot of people had negative thoughts about what I was doing and why I was bothering. My mother moaned the whole time that I didn't go to america and sell them for thousands. Which I find just ridiculous.. 

When the egg donation didn't work out, I had a group conversation with a few of my friends on ******** about being a surrogate, and they pretty much all told me I was being ridiculous, that I'd already done my part with the eggs and it was no longer my concern whether she had a baby or not. Since then I haven't stopped thinking about it, and eventually I offered to do it for her. I've thought a lot about it, I already have 2 children and feel strongly that I dont want any more, so I'm excited about the prospect of giving her what she wants. The only thing I'm dreading is telling people because I know I'm gonna get such a negative reaction. 

The main 'point' people made was that it 'wasn't fair on the kids I already had' (aged 7 and 4). I'm struggling to understand how thats true, so long as its explained to them in a way that they understand. Which I feel I know exactly how to do. What I'm really getting at here, is has anyone else encountered such negativity? 

I'm a 27 year old, I am capable of making my own decisions, and I'm fed up of being told how I feel when people clearly have no clue...


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## scottsmrs (Apr 30, 2013)

Hi Jenny we are on the other side of the surrogacy journey, a friend is being a surrogate for us.  She has 2 children 10 and 7, she has told them she is going to grow a baby for us in her tummy and that although she will be pregnant is isn't her baby and it wont live with them.  Unfortunately my hubbys mother is very against surrogacy, I believe the words she used were 'immoral and depraved'!!  Hubby is 12 years younger than me, I have health problems, she keeps telling him hes young enough to have 'children of his own'  she doesn't seem to understand this will be his own.  What you are offering to do for your friend is a truly amazing thing.  To be able to give someone the gift of a child has got to be the most selfless thing in the world.  I would say make sure you look in to everything thoroughly first though, and be as prepared as you can for any eventualities.  Our wonderful surrogate miscarried our baby at 9 weeks, it was her first miscarriage.  It was awful, we felt guilty for putting her through it, she felt she'd let us down, awful.  She is now ready to start again for us, bless her.  Sorry to waffle on.  I think communication between you and your intended parents is definitely key.  Good luck and take care
Marie


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## Blueberries (Aug 13, 2013)

Hi Jennycakes

Firstly, welcome to the forums, I'm new here too and it's always nice to hear other people's thoughts and journeys.  

I am about to become a gestational surrogate and I have already had negative reactions and I'm sure I will in the future too.  I can only speak for myself but as far as I'm concerned, no amount of negativity could counteract the positivity of being able to give birth to a child for my IP's.  The most important people in the world to me are my children and partner and as long as they're happy with this, then so am I.  My children are 5 and 3 and the reaction from my eldest was 'WOW'.  The best reaction I could possibly have gotten.  I've already seen a counsellor who talks through the best way to deal with your children (it will be slightly different for you because genetically, your children will be related) and I can go back to see her at any time if I want further guidance.  You need to speak to the IP's and ask them to provide this facility for you.  It's invaluable in your journey.  There are also secret ******** sites that you can join so you always have someone who is on your side......who will make sure you feel good about what you're doing rather than a freak of nature.

For me, even when I decided to become a surrogate, it wasn't until I actually started speaking to IP's that I realised how much it means to them and a few months of our life for the rest of theirs is a tiny sacrifice.  Perhaps you should direct the small minded people to some of the IP's that have heart wrenching stories and want the one thing they can't have.  Maybe it would open their minds to how lucky they are and how wonderful you are.  The counsellor told me that Surrogates are born, they don't just become one.  

Good luck with whatever you decide. xx


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