# Don't know how long I can do this for



## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

I know we have nearly all been in this situation, but i have to put it down in words, i can't stop crying  

my very close friend phoned me last night to tell me she is pregnant.  I've had friends getting pregnant but i think the fact that we are good friends has just completely killed me.  i managed to stutter a congratulations and then passed the phone to dh and then have spent the whole night and today in tears    I feel awful for being unsupportive, and i know it was hard for her to tell me, but I just cant bring myself to speak to her, i have text her to say i am happy (which I really am) for them and that I just can't talk to her at the moment as its upsetting.

I don't hold it against them, they deserve it as much as anyone, but its so unfair that they only got married in summer last year and she had been on the pill for years, yet it has happened so quickly. and here i am nearly 6 years on.

I ended up pushing dh away last night because he is a very much glass half full kind of guy and kept saying it would happen for us, and i kept saying it wont.  and then he cried too, he hurts as well but just handles it differently

Can anyone tell me how I can deal with this to get my head around it, I feel I am going to push her away.

IF stinks


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## shaz_ck (Oct 28, 2005)

Hi Flowerpot

So sorry to read about how unhappy you are feeling at the moment.  I think everyone on this site has probably experienced a similar situation, and none of us would not want our friends to be happy in their pg and also feel that they could not share that with us.

I've been ttc for three years and I think I have heard about the whole world getting pg.  At one time there where five people at work and two of my close friends.  So I tell myself that once they have had theirs my time will come and at least I will have some baby clothes that they can hand me down.  And also someone with experience for some words of advice.

I know that it is really hard but you do need to stay   .  It will happen and it will be wonderful.  Keep that thought in mind.

My DP has two teenage boys so I don't think that he really understands when we hear of friends getting pg.  Like your DH he is very upbeat all the time.

Please Please try and get your positive thoughts back.  Each new month is the next opportunity for it to be  your turn.

Love and big hugs.

Shaz


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## Shezza (Sep 28, 2003)

Hi Flowerpot,

  

I too know how hard it can be when you hear of friends/family etc getting pg so easily. My brother and SIL had 3 pregnancies (one was unfortunately a m/c) in the space of time that me & DH were ttc. Its so damn hard isn't it? I guess from what you have said that she is a very close friend and if she is then she will understand that you need to keep your distance for a while. Go to her when you feel ready, not when she asks you to go. 

I can't give any advice as to how to handle it, sorry, but just keep the thoughts in your head that it WILL happen to you soon and when it does it will be the most magical time ever!! 

Keep your chin up sweetie  

Loads of love

Shezza

xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## ktc (Oct 7, 2005)

Hi Flowerpot

I'm not really sure I can say anything that will take the pain away, but I really wanted you to know I was thinking of you.  It's so difficult when you hear other people are pregnant; you are totally happy for them but then feel gutted inside.  Don't worry about not wanted to talk to your friend at the moment.  If she's a really close friend she'll know you are ttc and will understand that you need some space.. I think sending her the text was a really good thing to do and shows you care for her.  

One of my best friends is 34 wks preggers and is coming to stay with us next weekend.  Already I'm finding the thought of it hard... I'm so very pleased for her but I feel jealous for want of a better word.  I know it's silly, but we're all going through emotional times!

I know it's hard but stay   ....

Keep strong, your time will come..

take care

Karen xxx


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## sarahstewart (Aug 4, 2005)

hun I am so glad I logged on today....I don't usually but just felt I needed too....I am sorry you are feeling   and I really don't know what to say to make you feel better hun.  Sending you lots of             
and I am not the best person to advise you as unfortunatley I have lost contact with most of my pregnant friends / friends with babies as I just cannot cope with it all.  Selfish I know but hey ho.

I really am going to speak nicely to the fertility goddess tomorrow for you and will pop a crystal under my apple tree for you too.

We are strong people that is why we are coping with IF....try not to push DH away....he is doing his best  

PM me if you need me......I am off in about an hour but will be back on tomorow afternoon if you need to chat



Sarah 
sending you some


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

oh flower hunny 

its so hard isnt it  my friend is in labour as we speak , dont get me wrong im truly happy for them but do wish it was me  , its hard not for me to be thinking about how special this day is going to be for them and that a new chapter of their lives are starting with their family. 
god sorry dont want to depress others further  just guess im trying to say we all understand how it feels hun 
loads of  for you

and thank the lord for FF

love
suzie xx


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## maybe (Feb 10, 2006)

hi Flowerpot.
I had to read your post a couple of times as I could have written it myself.  I have just had the same thing I cried for 2days and told my friend I didn't think I could be there for her.  It was awful.  I made her cry!.  I am such an awful person I made a pg woman  cry .  As you said I am pleased for her but it's like prodding a sore to hear about it all the time.  When I realised how much she needed a friend a she was soo scared about the whole,  it was easier to put my feelings  on one side. I aplogised for my   stupid moment and said I was there for her if she could handle the fact that I may occassionally get weepy.  A good friend will be gentle with you,  and won't rub it in.  You can let her know how much you can be involved.

I know this is hard and everyone feels different,  but if I do get pg,  I know I would want her to be a part of it.

good luck


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## strawbs (May 16, 2005)

flower
sorry you are feeling down, it does get so hard sometimes, I sometimes wish all pg women would disappear off the face of the earth! That inckudes friends relatives, colleagues too!  
strawbs xxxxxx


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

Flower right now I am not in the right frame of mind to reply due to BFN and make sense but just want to give you a  and say I understand sweetie.


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## scratch (Aug 5, 2004)

Oh Flower 
You brought a tear to my eye. Your always the strong supportive one like Minxy. I just wanted to send you a big  . And like I have said before your extra special bundle might just not be ready at the minute.And somone as special as you deserves an extra special bubba. 

Chin up chicken and if you need to   or    you know where we are.

Love Sal x


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## tracyb (Aug 29, 2005)

Oh flower I really feel for you, we all know how you feel but that does not stop you hurting.  I wish I knew the best way to deal with it, but everyone is different, some people can't cope with being friends anymore but some people are ok once they have had a good cry.

I hope you feel stronger soon and take some comfort with dh as I am sure he feels it too, but just deals with it in a different way.

  It will happen for us all   

Love and hugs
Tracy
xx


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## martysgirl (Nov 30, 2005)

to you flower - i have a group of friends, there are 6 of us and we have stayed in contact since school.  i am now the only one without children - one of them had a little boy last year.  we have to show we're happy (I know we are...but) although on the inside it eats away at us.
we have to stay    and believe that it will happen for us one day.
....and what a day that will be ! ! !
lots of love
Tracey x


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

flower - sweetie - what can I say? most of the other clomid chicks have already put it so well. It's at times like this that you start to wonder if somebody 'up there' is playing a nasty trick on us everytime a friend/relative/work colleague announces they're preggers.

But the best way I've found of trying to deal with it - and believe me there are good days and bad days - is just trying to convince myself that my time will come....I'm just having to wait for that special little bundle a little longer than most others - the same goes for you too.

Take dh up on his idea and get away next weekend - just the two of you - and spend the time putting yourselves first....you deserve it.

You WILL get that bfp - so hang on in there hon.

lots of love

S
xx


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## Loubie101 (Aug 20, 2005)

I know exactly where you're coming from, my SIL is pg, and their son is not even a year old yet.  That's 2 babies they've conceived/had since we've been TTCing.  We didn't even know they were trying for the second one, and when my DH rang me to tell me, I couldn't speak for what seemed like ages.  I cried for s days solid.  What makes it worse is every time we see them they go on and on about how hard it will be with 2 so close together etc etc.  Can't they hear me screaming inside??!!

One day I had to walk out the room as they were going on incessantly about the baby.  I don't know if anyone noticed or not, but I just couldn't bear it any longer.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really pleased for them, I'm hoping my experiences haven't made me too bitter, but it just seems like their happiness and success highlights my failure to give my DH a child of his own even further.  I want to give him a chid, and our parents another grand child so badly, but can't do it.

It's hard, and I don't know what the answer is, but wanted to let you know you're not on your own.

Loubie xx


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## jaffa_orange (Jul 14, 2004)

Hey Little Flower  

If anybody knows what you're going through it's us. We can all relate to what you've written, and no doubt everyone here (like you) has had days when IF seems like the hardest thing in the world .... as though everyone else has the one thing we want but can't seem to achieve.

If you feel like crying, cry. If you want to scream and shout, do that too! Speaking from personal experience, us TTC-ers  have to spend far too much time looking out for other people's sensitivities and denying or ignoring our own. Well let them sod off. Your response is normal, and if you feel like your heart is breaking today, then so be it. I am sure you will be feeling much better tomorrow, and will be back to your usual positive self the day after that.

I don't have any answers about how best to deal with your relationship with your friend. But what I do know is that from time to time you will again have horrible, sad days like today, as face it -- people around  you will still get pregnant. Take comfort from the fact that you've got friends here who care and -- most importantly -- understand. After lots of disappointment myself (and when I've finished bawling the house down and screaming my head off at my husband), I often try to remind myself that modern medicine is pretty amazing, and there's a lot to feel hopeful about. I also remind myself that just 10 or 20 years ago someone like me wouldn't have had a cat's chance in hell of having a baby, but that in the year 2006 so many advances have been made, so it might yet happen.

Your turn will come. And until then we'll be with you every step of the way!

Yours with hugs,

Jaff
xx


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## petal pie (Jan 27, 2006)

Flowerpot i feel so sorry for you but totally understand. I have been in the same situation with friends and family and it is probably the most painful thing in the world. Your message has made me feel weepy too-don't feel sorry but its exactly how i feel and its good not to be alone. I can only say that it will get easier as you get more used to her being pregnant and you will find your own way of coping and dealing with the situation-we always do!!!
Sending you lots of hugs
Petal Pie xxx


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## jocole69 (Dec 19, 2004)

Hi Flower,

So sorry to hear about this, it must be really hard for you (nobody can blame you at all). Hopefully your best mate understands too. Give it all time.  HUGS.  Take Care, chin up and stay    Love  Jo x


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

thanks for your concern and advice  

I just know you all understand.  I'm taking each day at a time and feeling pretty raw today but at least I've stopped crying. xxxx


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## KerryB (Mar 7, 2005)

Oh honey, you poor little lamb. When Iw as reding your words, my heart was breaking for you. I hate seeing you upset, and just want to give you a big  .  We all know how hard it is, I've received an email from a friend in Oz who has announced they are pg again. She knows about our problem, and like you of course I'm happy for them, but I'm tired of the whole "don't worry it'll happen"! If anyone says that to me again I'm going to   them!

I'm sure as the days goes by you'll feel more able to cope with it, your a strong, wonderful woman and your own bundle of joy will arrive, I promise.

Take care my love, we're always here  
xxxx


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

Thanks Kerry.

I've taken on board what everyone has said, I so appreciate it.  you all know how I feel  

xxx


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## Lou G (Jun 1, 2005)

Hi FP,

Sorry you are feeling crappy. I am in a very similar position to you as my best friend is 4 months PG.  When she told me I think I sobbed for a week and felt very guilty for doing so.  I was beside myself thinking how awful it was going to be, watching her bump grow while I get nowhere and for a week or two I really couldn't face her.  (I never showed this to her however).

All I can say is, it does get easier.  I have seen her loads recently, seen her scan photos, been excited about the nursery etc and it has been genuine.  I'm sure I will get days ahead of me where I just can't face her but at the moment it's not so bad.

Don't be afraid to cry - just let it all out.  You wil start to feel better, I promise.  We're all on such a rollercoaster aren't we?

Take care,

Lou xx


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

Hi  hun

So sorry you're feeling so low...I can appreciate where you're coming from cos I've been feeling particularly low myself last few days which is why I've not been around...and having 4 friends who are pg isn't helping me 

All I can say is, easier said than done, but stay positive sweetpea...it will happen for you I'm sure of it...
Thinking of you...
Take care 
   
Natasha


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## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Hi Flower

Ive just read your message and just wanted to send you a huge hug.  Nothing can take away the pain of infertility so Im not even going to try.  All I can say is I hear you, I know how you feel.  My 17yr old niece is due her baby in 4 weeks.  Since she was little she was always asking me when I was going to "produce" a cousin for her.  As she got older she kept giggling and saying "at this rate auntie caz I will have a baby before you!".  Who would have thought she would be right.  Ive told my sister I cant really be there for my niece, it hurts too much and they both understand.  Thats the thing, your close friends WILL understand how hard it is for you to cope so dont feel bad about that.

Have a good cry, get it out your system, sounds like you really need it.  

I dont know if you are getting any support at the hospital but you can ask to see a midwife counsellor for some support to try and help you through this really difficult time.  Im arranging to see one at Bolton hospital.  I cant believe Ive been suffering all this time on my own and there was counselling support there the whole time.  Just a thought, at least you know you can ask if you feel you need it.

Wishing you the best of luck for this month hun - fingers crossed for you.

Hugs

Witchie Poo Cat


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

thanks girls, your replies mean a lot to me  

We've been talking via email and text and things are ok and are going at the pace that I am happy with xxxx


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

Natasha, are you ok hun?
xxxxx


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

Witchie, is that through the IVF bit (the counsellor).
somebody else mentioned that to me but not sure if our normal gyane bit has one?
xxx


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