# Egg sharing worries



## muffin1302 (May 9, 2008)

I am due to start egg sharing in around 4 weeks and I'm starting to get really scared about whether its the right decision. I dont want to let anyone down this close to the treatment but I'm scared that the child born to a donor willl think I am selfish for sharing eggs in exchange for reduced treatment rather than out of the goodness of my heart. How does everyone else cope with egg sharing?
Is it normal to be worried or am I just not cut out to be a donor?? I'm worried I am making a mistake??
Will the recipient know that I had treatment??


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## Jo82 (Jan 26, 2010)

Hi there....Firstly I don't think any one would think you were selfish for egg sharing for reduced costs! There are hardly any donors who donate when not needing treatment themselves as it's such a massive thing to go through. You could check with the **** about what information they will give out. Firstly the couple may not tell the child, the child... if they know may not care, the child may be thankful...I really can not see someone born from donor eggs thinking that the person who made it possible for them to be alive was selfish...after all if you were selfish you wouldn't want children and certainly wouldn't give the greatest gift of all to someone else...LIFE xxx


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## elinor (Jul 4, 2008)

Hello Muffin

I hope you don't mind a reply from me - I am not an egg-sharer, but waiting for an egg donor. I really and truly don't think any child would think you were selfish! Anything but - choosing to donate is one of the most selfless acts I can think of, and if I am ever blessed enough to have successful treatment it will be due to someone as kind and generous as you. 
Yes, you want to egg-share because you also want treatment for yourself, but why does that make the gift of the other half of your eggs any less special?  Any recipient is likely to have waited for this opportunity for more than a little while, and thought about what they would tell a child. Some might choose not to tell them anything at all, but as a would-be-mum who plans to tell any child about their origins I would definitely be stressing how truly wonderful this gift is, and what a generous person the donor is. 
I didn't know enough about treatment when I was young enough to have been an egg-sharer. I would have chosen to do it, no question, if I had known about it (only became an option in Scotland in the past couple of years) before I was 35. I would also be telling any child - what if your donor was not eligible for NHS treatment? (like me - single - or already had children to a previous partner, or any of the other exclusion criteria diferrent areas have) or just didn't want to wait for however many years on a list? And yes, finance does come into it - some people have cash to fund many treatments without giving it a thought. Others work in low paid jobs, maybe in the public sector or whatever - does that mean they should have to wait longer for a chance to start a family? Does that mean their decision to donate is less selfless and generous? Absolutely not. 
I am sure it is entirely normal to be worried about it though - again, this is a sign that you are a well-adjusted and thoughtful person. You have not rushed into this decision or taken it lightly (as some people 'rush into' unplanned pregnancies and parenthood).
However, if you have serious doubts about donating at all, do not feel you cannot change your mind now. I don't think the recipient will know if you decide to go ahead with treatment but pull out of egg-sharing - I assume they would not be told this information, just that the match had fallen through. Speaking personally, I would rather have this happen than have someone worry that they were going into it for the wrong reasons, or feel pressurised into continuing because they had reached a certain point. 
Even thinking about donating in this way is generous and altruistic - whether you decide to go ahead with egg sharing or not I would personally like to thank you for considering it at all.
All best wishes
Elinor x


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## muffin1302 (May 9, 2008)

Thank you both of you for your replies and for being so nice   , Its really helpful to hear from a recipients point of view. I think I've just been panicking coz we have been planning this for months and now its here everything suddenly seems so real!! 
I have been told that the couple waiting to recieve my eggs are really nice and they are extremley grateful, so i just gotta remember that and I'm sure everything will be ok. 
Now just gotta tackle my phobia of needles


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## purplejr (May 20, 2009)

Hi Muffin,

I did 2 rounds of egg share, not sure of the outcome for either recipient yet. I have asked but waiting for the clinic to get back to me.

Egg share was the ony way we could afford to fund tx but the way we looked at it was that it could so easily have been us needing the eggs and expecting someone to donate.

I suppose one way to look at it  is that it coud be some couples only chance just like IVF is your only chance.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Joy xx


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