# What is god teaching us?



## Lovelypup

I wonder. I had an abortion when I was 24. I'm also a demanding person, emotional, ambitious, successful in my career, impatient. I expected to have what I wanted. 4 beautiful children and I wanted then now. I am fertile. I am questioning my infertile husband.
God is teaching me I suppose. Teaching me a lesson. Love is giving. Not selfish, kids aren't a given, my husband must be cherished. I am blessed. But I should not expect everything exactly when I want it.
I must be patient. I must be gentle to my husband and kind (even when I don't feel like it).
What do you think? Is infertility a lesson??


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## Roygbiv

Hi. 
I think it's the opposite of the lesson. 
It's the test. 
The lesson was every time you've been told no in your life. Every time everything went tits up and completely wrong. Every time you had to put someone/something else ahead of what you actually wanted to do. 
The test is trying to get through this super hard time. 
Draw on the lessons and somehow try to get through it. 
Always remembering impossible is nothing. 
Taking longer, and needing intervention is not the same as it will not happen. 

I don't know why you mentioned your abortion. 
This is NOTHING to do with that. 
It's not a "you did this so it will be made difficult as a consequence". I hope you don't think like that. 
I believe in God. And I believe nothing is placed on us more than we can handle. 
Try and take the compliment that He thinks you can handle this. 

And you are lucky to have a husband. 
You're right to be thinking you have to be gentle and kind. 
It can be hard. But never feel like he's the reason you're here. 
It's your problem, too. As a couple. 

Time to pass the test! 
Do all your studying and research. 
Just as you would with a real test. 
At 30 you still have plenty of time for the 4.


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## Lovelypup

Thanks for your reply, I am soaking it up and reading every word.

It's good to try and get some perspective.

It is a test. 

"Let go and let god" ...and exhale. That's what I'm trying.  Also going to go to church tomorrow X


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## -Susan-

I agree with Roygbiv. I see it primarily as a test. Everyone is tested in some way, even Jesus was tested. What I think is important is how we deal with it and what we learn from it. I will admit I've found it very hard at times to keep my faith through this journey, but that highlighted to me that actually my faith in and relationship with God wasn't (isn't?) as strong as I thought, and now I know that needs worked on, more so than I realised. I'm grateful and pleased to say with prayer God helped me through that and I've now been blessed with a pregnancy. 

I also agree we aren't given challenges we can't cope with. But sadly that doesn't mean we'll always get what we want mind and that's what I still find difficult to understand.


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## -Susan-

I've just noticed your husband's diagnosis was undiagnosed undescended testicles. Amongst my DH's various other health issues that also affect his fertility, he had undescended testicles to age 10, hasn't had good sperm samples (motility, morphology and count issues) and treatment still worked second time. God can work miracles!  x


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## Wraakgodin

I knew a lovely lady who was the most religious and good hearted, generous person - she worked for the church, old people's home and charities in her spare time and was always helping friends and relatives.  She had cancer 3 times, and when we spoke about God and the "why me?" question she said "why not me?  Why should God single me out for special treatment, why should I not undergo hardships in my life like everyone else?" That was a real wake up call for me because I was thinking that these fertility issues we had were some sort of punishment.  

Sue


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## Irish Dee

Hi ladies,

I has this stuck on my notice board in my kitchen for the 7 long years it took me to have my precious girl.

*****************************************
*What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?*

I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less travelled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never choose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."

Anon


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## bombsh3ll

I totally agree with those sentiments Dee, & I wish I'd had that up in my kitchen too during the bad times!

Infertility has taught me the true value of a child, without a doubt. I feel privileged to have this much awareness & gratitude for the gift of a child which I would otherwise probably have taken so for granted had I been able to conceive her naturally.

I hope your time comes soon Lovelypup.

B xxx


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## Lovelypup

Just to update this thread. Well I prayed and I prayed and I prayed and I am delighted to say that I am currently 5 months pregnant. 

Prayer works! And so does icsi. Xxx


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## bombsh3ll

That's beautiful Lovelypup,

CONGRATULATIONS!!

B xxx


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## WolfyOne

I must admit that our situation has rocked my beliefs, coming from a Catholic family. I think I would have been more understanding had we have been able to have IVF, but when we found out that DH could not have children due to non obstructive azoospermia, it all seemed unfair. He is such a loving, kind person who really wanted children. But for him there is no "test" or "journey", it is just "no".

We have gone down the sperm donor route, and I am currently 8.5 wks pregnant so we are very grateful for that. My family have been supportive, which is wonderful as not all religious families may have been in our situation. But it doesn't take away my underlying religious frustrations or doubts as to why DH wouldn't be able to have children. Why not a rapist or child abuser? Why him? We will be honest with our child growing up about their conception as they deserve to know their origins as a human being in their own right. I just can't see a "higher purpose" in all of this..


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## bombsh3ll

Hi WolfyOne,

Congratulations on your pregnancy  

Yes these are certainly difficult questions to answer, particularly when infertility happens to those who most deserve children & for whom treatment doesn't work or isn't an option.

I just wanted to say as a DE mum myself that your lovely husband absolutely CAN have a child (& will do in about 7 months) - he just cannot ejaculate live sperm. There's a big difference & much more to being a parent than the simple ability to supply healthy gametes.

B xxx


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## Haydan

can i just say inspite of the troubles you have faced (and still face regarding the whys) i think its amazing when couples can be open to doner sperm / eggs. 

it may not be the perfect family design you always pictured but pictures never tell the truth - love tells the truth.

i wish you all so much happiness with your beautiful babies - regardless of origin.


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