# Advice for 44 yo



## wonderweasy (Jul 16, 2009)

Hello everyone 

I am new to all this and don't know where to start! I am 44 and DP is 8 years younger. 2007 we decided to try and I was literally pregnant 2 weeks later. Saw good heartbeat at 8 weeks but thne had a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks  . 

A few months later I got pregnant again (accidentally!!!) and had a spontaneous miscarriage. Spent much of last year having tests and turns out I have some sort of blood condition (forgive me not recalling the exact name) and will have to take aspirin if I get pregnant again. 

Finally decided we could face TTC again this year but so far no pregnancy. I am doing TCOYF, Ovulation tests, etc etc and nothing yet. 

I was devastated to find out that my chances of success for IVF are little more than nil.  

Question is - is IVF any more successful outside the UK? If so, does anyone know of particular clinics etc? I just don't now whether there is any real point trying to go for it with my own eggs or whether I face facts and go for DE. 

I am a real newbie and don't know my ICSI from my IUI etc - I am completely baffled by all these different things. I always imagined there was IVF and that was it! 

I would be really grateful for any advice - what a harsh and lonely journey this is.

Wishing you all every success and hoping we'll all get our long for bubbas in the end.


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Hello wonderweasy

I am really sorry to hear about your problems.      It is true that at the age of 44 the chances of success are pretty low on average.  However, alot depends on your individual circumstances.  Having had two pregnancies fairly recently suggests to me that your chances may be higher than the average.  Have you had any tests yet - FSH, AMH etc which can help predict how you might respond to IVF?  Has your DP had tests?  If you can remember the condition you have been diagnosed with, it would be worth also having a look at the Investigations and Immunology pages of the Starting Out and Diagnosis board on this site as I am sure there will be other people there who can offer you advice.

We were quoted of odds of only a couple of percent when I was having my third IVF cycle with my own eggs at the age of 42.  You do have to be realistic and work out what you are willing to go through physically, emotionally and financially.  A few per cent may be very low, but we felt it was well worth it as we had no chance of a BFP without treatment.  DE will certainly give you a higher chance of success but you need to be ready to go down that route. I'm afraid that I don't have any experience of DE and foreign clinics but there are interesting threads on various overseas clinics on this site where I am sure you will find lots of useful info.

Please don't feel too overwhelmed - my advice is to gather as much information as you can, and this site is fabulous for doing that.

Good luck

Ellie


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## AlmaMay (Oct 15, 2004)

I was 43 when I conceived with my own eggs.  My protocol was designed by Dr Penny at Serum Biomed in Athens Greece.  She uses a 'natural IVF' (low dose stimms) for us older ladies.  I would recommend her very highly.


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## wonderweasy (Jul 16, 2009)

Thanks so much to you both for your replies. I have had no recent FSH done -last one was June last year. I have spoken to a couple of GPs at my practice now but they have said they really don't think  I should be that worried as yet and that we should keep trying a little longer. They seem reasonably upbeat because of my having been pregnant very recently and the fact that this happened spontaneously on both occasions. They suggested that this might mean a more positive outcome re IVF than might otherwise be the case. 

When I had all my tests last year they didn't do any on DP, because of how easily we had conceived I think they thought there was little point. 

I think I am going to wait for a few months and if no joy go to GP and get my FSH re-done and the ball rolling generally... 

I was so pleased to hear your lovely good news.   I am so incredibly grateful to you both for replying, this is such a hard and steep learning curve.


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## Courgette (Oct 13, 2009)

Hello wonderweasy!

Your post really struck a chord with me, especially your comments about not really understanding all the terminology!! It's like a foreign language and I realise how little I know!

I am new to this site too, as you were, but I'm hoping you're still around!?

I am 46 and have been TTC for 18 months ... just letting nature take it's course or so I naively thought! I had my children when I was very young (all 3 born before I was 25) but life is very different now and my other half (4 years younger than me) has never had a family of his own.

It's hard accepting that although I still feel 18 inside, from a fertility point of view, I am ancient! After 18 months of TTC we are finally getting some tests (his n hers) done and have a very open mind about where this may lead ....

Would be good to hear from you, or others in a similar situation!


Meeps


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Meeps,

Just saw your post and felt I had to reply.
I'm even older than you   (47) and I have to admit this whole age business makes me depressed and angry. After all, it's not something we can change and it doesn't apply to men!
We've been trying to conceive for several years now but not really seriously until last year (dh had his own problems). So far, nothing, except one or two odd months when the symptoms were strange. My gp still seems to think it will happen, if I can only relax but that's hard when it's something you really want. 
We're going to a clinic's open day next month, to ask some questions and have a look around. The clinic will almost certainly recommend donor eggs and I'm still trying to get my head around that! Also, there's always the question of money...!
Is donor something you would consider, if your test results aren't good?

Rowanx


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## Courgette (Oct 13, 2009)

Hi Rowan, lovely to hear from you and I agree with your views on age!! How old is your dh by the way?!
I am assuming that you don't have children already? I guess some might say that I am lucky to already have a family (and I am!) but changes happen in life and I never imagined that I would be in the (wonderful!) relationship that I am and the desire to have a child with this man is a strong as it was first time around! 
It sounds like your GP is quite supportive ... I can't believe how nervous I felt when I went this week! Here I am, a mature (sometimes!), professional person but was concerned that he might say, don't be ridiculous, you're nearly 47 for goodness sake, what do you want a baby for?! But no, he was lovely, said to go back for blood tests on day 21, then again on day 2-3, and then we'd see what was going on! He seemed reassurred that my cycle seems very normal and no sign of hot flushes but we'll see what the results show! My partner is off to 'do his bit' tomorrow so fingers crossed that he's ok. As for donor eggs, well obviously it's early days but it seems to be the advice given to most of us oldies from what I read. Three young adults, who are genetically mine, are already around so I think I could cope with it if it meant a healthy baby, but like you, I haven't given up on a natural conception yet!! I am the eternal optimist and am probably inspired by my ex MIL who (accidentally) produced a baby at the age of 48!!!
Keep in touch!
x


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## Ruth (Aug 6, 2004)

Hiyyah

Just wanted to say if any of you wanted to look into either own egg treatment abroad or egg donation please do look at my website as I have had a number of couples who have gone abroad for just these reasons. I do work with Penny at SERUM who was mentioned above.

Ruth


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi again, Meeps!

No, we don't have children. I thought when I was in my 20s that I had loads of time (as you do!) but I spent most of my thirties being extremely ill with thyroid trouble. Every time they thought they'd sorted it out, it came back and it's left me with diabetes. I didn't meet my husband till I was 39 and he is a great man who would make a wonderful father. He's in his mid fifties and all his tests have come back fine.
I tell him that if he'd only married some healthy 20 something, he could have had three kids by now but bless him, all he ever says is that he wanted me!  
My GP has been very supportive but unfortunately we've just moved, so I've got to find another one. I'm dreading the usual response "what, at your age?" I have had this even from medical professionals, like nurses at the old practice. 
Every month I cry. Every single damn month. 
I mentioned this to my old GP and asked him if he could refer me for a hysterectomy, because the periods are still so incredibly regular and they've always been very heavy and painful. No cause has ever been found. As I said to him, I may not be able to make it happen but at least I can get off this rollercoaster! All he said, apart from detailing the possible problems of the operation was, "give it another year." He thought that if I got it done, I would regret it. Of course, I don't want to have it done but the strain of the period turning up month after month after month is really getting to me. Every time it's a day late I want to go out and celebrate but it always turns up the next day!  
This forum's incredible in the amount of support it gives but reading some of the postings from women over 40 makes me want to cry at times. We would make great parents, why is it made so hard for us?
Good for your mother in law, by the way! I've heard of someone who had her last baby at 49, so it can and does happen. The advice given to menopausal women always amuses me. They're usually told to use contraceptives but I don't know why, if they have absolutely no chance of conceiving. 
Best of luck!
Thanks for that, Ruth. I will have a look at your website. At the moment, we are still considering options and I'm still trying to persuade my husband that donor egg may be necessary but we'd more or less ruled out going abroad as too expensive (flights, etc). 

Rowanx


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## Courgette (Oct 13, 2009)

Hi Rowan

We sound so similar!! I don't know how many times I have thought 'this is it' and imagined that maybe I 'feel' pregnant! A couple of days late and we're both almost celebrating! It is amazing how this thing takes over your life though ..... eating healthily is something I do anyway, like most people I know I should exercise more, don't smoke, I hardly drink and have been taking folic acid tablets for a couple of years. 
Every time my period starts, I just feel so sad but I still struggle to accept it's never gonna happen even though dp reminds me of the percentage of successful pregnancies in women of my age! (too much internet research methinks!) Maybe he is being more realistic as he initially suggested we get ourselves checked out to see what our options are .... BTW, his appointment at the hospital was cancelled yesterday ... staff sickness apparently! It's another 2 weeks until his new appointment!
Your husband sounds lovely .... I have also been through the 'you should have found someone younger' thing and been told the same, he wanted me, and would still rather be with me and no children  
Have you ever considered adoption?

xx


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Meeps,

Yes, my dh is a good man. Doesn't always know what to say but then I don't think they do. He hates to see me get worked up every month and of course, there's nothing he can do except do his bit at more or less the right time! (Assuming I'm actually ovulating). I'm sorry your husband's appointment was cancelled. That's infuriating!
I don't know why the periods go on for so many years. If you can't conceive, it all seems so pointless. Why should one part of the machinery work when the other part doesn't?
We have thought about adoption but we fell at the first hurdle. The social worker didn't like us, that was obvious, told us our house was too small and our health problems ruled us out. DH has had problems with depression in the past and this seemed to be the final straw. Never mind that we've got years of experience with children as we both work in education!
I don't know how you get over this and I must admit I never thought I'd feel this way. Perhaps it is because I've got a good husband that I want to make him a father so much. 
Does the longing go away when you finally hit the menopause, I wonder? There was a TV programme about older mothers a few weeks ago and one woman who wanted fertility treatment was in her 70s, so I've got to assume that won't be the case!
At times, I feel desperately low. I've been going through counselling, for this and other issues but at the end of the day nobody's got a magic wand. I see teenagers making every mistake under the sun with their toddlers and get furious but there's nothing I can do. I sometimes think I've lived my whole life wrong and I should have had children so much earlier but then I didn't realise I'd spend my thirties fighting serious illness. 
Where do you go from here? There's a board on this forum called Deciding and Accepting but how do you ever get to that point? I find Buddhism interesting but I really can't accept the idea that all the bad luck I've had with my body in this life is due to some sort of karma! And yes, I do live a healthy lifestyle. I hardly ever drink, never have smoked, am vegetarian, try to take some exercise, eat vitamins, etc, etc, etc. Sickening, isn't it?!  
Reading postings on here, it's obvious that people can conceive using donor eggs but I've got no idea how we can ever afford it and dh isn't keen. He says he wants it to be our child, his and mine. 
What can you do?
Anyway, this has turned into another essay! Sorry about that but I sometimes think this forum is the only place you can share the heartache. My family's useless, all my mum says is I've left it too late. (Yes, I do know that!) I don't know how it will work out in the end.
Anyway, I wish you all the best! I hope things work out for you. 

Rowanx


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## rosie1K (Aug 19, 2009)

Hi there, 
I hope you don'tmind me posting, it's so nice to see others of my age ttc. I am 46 and had a hard time in my late 20's and 30's as my beloved sister died and then my half sister and then my dad. I was suffering from depression and the guy I was with could not cope and so I lost him too, then  I sort of shut myself away from the world. I finally emerged, had a few disasterous relationships and then met the most amazing guy ever when I was 44. He is sooo lovely and although he has 2 gorgeous children he was keen for us to start trying. I fell pregnent within 3 months and we were over the moon, I felt it was pay back for all the heartache I had suffered, but our dreams were shattered when I m/c at 11 1/2 weeks. After that my cycles became very distrupted and when we finally got reffered to see a specialist (after a long nhs waiting list) the dr's said in the most unkind way that we had no chance. we decided to go abroad and i had my first IVF treatment in Turkey in September which was cancelled half was through due to poor response. We are now considering DE which I am trying to come to terms with. we are thinkin gof doing a "tandem" cycle which is where you start trying with your own but thery have a donor who is sync with your cycle and is  a back up should you not have any of your own. 
I sometimes feel it's a bit daft trying when I am this age but it is great to find others out there!
Would be great to here form some of you, i's quite a lonley path sometimes.

Rosie xx


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## Courgette (Oct 13, 2009)

Rowan - sounds like you need a hug! You do seem so sad although I fully understand why. I can't believe your adoption experience, it sounds awful - have you totally given up on that route or is it worth trying a different local authority or voluntary organisation? Like you, I have worked with children for over 20 years and have met many children with difficult lives and parents who don't have a clue or couldn't care less ... as you say, it does seem so unfair when there are so many of us who would give so much to have that opportunity! 
What are your plans now if your husband isn't keen on using donor eggs?

Rosie - good to hear from you too - another 46 year old!! Sorry to hear about your miscarriage and your unsuccessful IVF but obviously you haven't given up and the 'tandem' sounds interesting! How long has it been since you first began looking at fertility treatment? And why Turkey?!! There is so much I don't know about all this and all the abbreviations and terms are still baffling me!!

xx


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## rosie1K (Aug 19, 2009)

Hi Meeps,

We started looking a fertility treatment in January as I was getting a bit obsessed with it all and ttc took over from common sense. I felt I needed to take the pressure off our relationship as ttc naturally was getting fraught and not fun any more, we went the nhs route but had a long wait and then saw a dr who basically said he would not treat me as I was nearly 46 (I was 45 at the time) and I would not be successful, my Dh then said about continuing to try naturally and he said we wouldn't be succuesful and even if we were there would probably be something wrong with it (his words exactly!!) and we also said we had an appontment at a london clinic and he said we would be wasting our money! That made me SOOOOO angry I camehome and went to work on the internet and found out that there were many out there of my age and older who had success and there were places that would help. I found that alot of women were having success in a clinic in turkey after having failure elswhere so I contacted them and we went out in September. 
We are going to try again once more with my own eggs but are maybe goingt o get an assessment in london first just to make sure all is well as I am aving some post treatment problems. We are going to do it with a donor back up and the best place for this seems to be abroad as there are some places with no waiting list and they use younger donors, who have better eggs. Also abroad tends to be a bit cheaper than this country, which is a factor for us. 
I also get confused with all the abbreviations and there is a place onthe site htat explains many of them, if you go to the starting out bit they have a whole section on it, I still get confused though. 
How are you getting on with the whole process?, it's quite a minefield I think, I am a nurse but struggle with all the complexities of it.

Rowan - I hope you are feeling better and are looking after yourself, do you have any plans?


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Meeps and Rosie,

Yes, I'm OK, thanks, currently struggling through another period, grr!   This is day 2, which is the worst day of the entire month for me and all I can do is get through it. I have strong painkillers from the doctor but I'm sitting here with a hot water bottle, which always seems to help as much as anything. It's also cold in this house and I don't want to have to heat it during the day until we get into November, so I'm warming my fingers on the bottle! I work mostly from home, which means that heating tends to be a problem. 
It's hard to make plans because I just don't know what is feasible, what my dh will agree to and what we can possibly afford. We're going to have a look round Bourne Hall next month and then it will be a question of trying to find the money to get on the waiting list. My dh has still got his head in the sand, really, he still thinks it will happen naturally if we just give it enough time. After crying through period after period for over a year, I don't think I can believe that anymore. I don't know why it isn't happening, as no one's even bothered to check me (my local hospital was the reverse of helpful!) but I suppose the eggs are the obvious culprit. 
I think something tried to happen last year, as I had symptoms I've never had before and the period was late but obviously I lost it. 
I want to try and do something. I think we would make good parents (I know my dh would make a really good dad!) but if nature won't let it happen, how much can you do? I was looking at the statistics for Bourne Hall, which are really great for egg transfer, etc but they only have about 30% live births. We could only try it once. We're not well off. 
I agree that it can get to be obsessive. I'm trying to think about other things. I've always wanted to do a research degree and though my body won't cooperate, there's nothing wrong with my mind! 
I don't know all the abbreviations either, Meeps but I think there's a list somewhere. 
Rosie, I love your response to your doctor's comments! I hope you prove him well and truly wrong! How dare he say there would be something 'wrong' with it!!!
I think going abroad can work out cheaper but you do have flights, etc and I think I would be nervous enough anyway without having to contend with airports, hotels and a foreign country. One reason we are looking at Bourne is because it's not that far from us and probably closer than the London clinics. 
Yes, it is a lonely path and I don't post on some parts of this forum because the girls are all in their twenties! I'm not suggesting infertility doesn't hurt at that age but at least they're not fighting age as well as other problems. I wish I'd thought about having children then but of course, hindsight is twenty/twenty...
Take care,

Rowanx


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## MrsBunny (Oct 2, 2006)

Hi everyone
I've been reading the posts on this thread and felt that I just had to send you some advice, speaking as someone who has felt all the things that you are feeling but also as someone who has had some experience in trying to get pregnant via donor eggs for the past couple of years.

I apologise in advance if some of my advice sounds a bit blunt, but I feel that it is better to be armed with the facts rather than waiting and wondering.

Rowan, I think that your change of GP may be a blessing in disguise. As I understand it, if you are trying to conceive (ttc) naturally and it's not successful there are various guidelines for times after which your GP should be referring you to a fertility consultant, depending on your age. At your age, I would expect you to be referred almost immediately as I was 5 years ago. If he refers you to the NHS, you will probably have to wait for a few months and then there will be months between appointments, which all takes up more precious time. After several investigations and after trying clomid to try and stimulate ovulation, it wasn't until 2 years later, when I was 45, that I was told that I should have IVF but there was little chance of success with my own eggs - in fact I was told that nobody over 45 had become pregnant with ivf in the UK using their own eggs (I know now that there have been instances of people older than 45 becoming pregnant in this way but the chances are extremely slim). Clinics abroad do have greater success with older women in some instances. And of course there are those people who do become pregnant naturally well into their 40s.

Rowan, in your case, as you have such heavy and painful periods, I would think that a visit to a gynaecologist or fertility specialist would be recommended especially if you are ttc, as it may well be that there is a specific reason why you are not getting pregnant related to your symptoms and I'm surprised your GP hasn't suggested this.

Anyway, I was basically told that although I could try IVF, the best chance of conceiving was by IVF using donor eggs (DEIVF). But of course I then found out that the wait for donor eggs in the UK (at my clinic) was at least two years so I could look at going abroad. But I was given no help or support with this and whilst researching clinics I came across Fertility Friends (thank goodness). Me and my husband (DH) obviously also had to get our heads around using donor eggs. This meant that I had to accept my infertility (although I am lucky enough to have 2 grown up daughters (DDs) from a previous marriage) even though I hadn't at that stage reached the menopause, and I had to go through a type of grieving stage for my lost fertility. Having started to do this (I'm still doing it!), it was easier to accept the idea of using donor eggs. My DH, although obviously preferring to have a child which was biologically related to us both, accepted the idea more readily and possibly because we'd already been through a couple of years of tests and investigations the idea that we just wanted to have a baby was foremost in our minds. After all, I would be carrying it, and giving birth, so I would be playing my part. One of the main reasons we decided that donor eggs were ok is that we would be far more likely to have a healthy child as the donors are usually under 35 years old. There are numerous posts in different places on FF on the subject of peoples' feeling about donor eggs and I'll try and dig some out.

To date, I have had 3 DEIVFs using 2 clinics in Spain. I had very early miscarriages with the first two and a slightly later miscarriage with the 3rd one early this year. During this time, we have discovered that I have an immune problem, where NK cells attack a foreign body - i.e. an embryo and that there is an indication that my DH has chromosomal problems with his sperm (both of these things can cause miscarriage). This has meant extra treatment and procedures which have all been very stressful. However, at the foreign clinics, we have felt very well looked after and that the clinics have been much more proactive than what we experienced in the UK. The price of treatment has varied from less than £5000 to over £10000 per time (the costs charged at different clinics vary quite widely!). The actual process of going abroad has not been difficult for us (Spain and other European countries are very accessible now and the cost of flights and accommodation doesn't make that much of a dent in the overall cost) and sometimes it has been nice to get away from all the stresses of home and has enabled us to focus more on what we're doing. I'm not going to pretend that all this has been easy and the most difficult thing has been getting support and various tests over here that the foreign clinic need.

In hindsight, we wished we'd gone private earlier so I might have had a chance of IVF with my own eggs (OEIVF). But the major thing that we have learned is that you need to go through all the different stages in order to decide the next step - it's very difficult to skip to end on this one and the philosophy of most clinics is a step by step approach of 'see what happens ' and if it's unsuccessful do some more tests, rather than doing every test under the sun at the outset. This is why so many people refer to it as a 'journey'. I suppose what I'm saying is that if you want to be on this journey, you need to get on the bus as soon as possible, whether it's straight onto the donor egg bus or the OEIVF bus (like you did Rosie). If you wait until someone tells you to get on the bus, you could be wasting precious time.

I am now more or less menopausal but I know this doesn't rule out me becoming pregnant with donor eggs and there are women older than me who have babies and this is great. But I can tell you that the urge to have a baby does not go away with menopause. We can still decide to pursue this urge by whatever means we can or we can decide to accept our lives without a baby, but it is unlikely that we will change our minds about wanting a child.

I know that donor eggs are not for everyone and it is a very personal decision. But I hate to think of women in their mid to late 40s being given false hope which leads to wasted time. 
Sorry that this post is so long! But I hope that telling you of my experiences has been useful. Although I am not pregnant I know of many girls who have achieved their dream using donor eggs without regret. Please feel free to contact me by personal message if you want to ask about anything I've said. As Wonderweasey originally said, this is a harsh and lonely journey, and I don't know what I would have done without the support and information I've found on FF so I hope I can be of use to you.
Sorry for not mentioning you all personally. 
Here's a link to the abbreviations and explanations list: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/component/option,com_glossary/Itemid,202/
And here's one to the board about treatment abroad: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=119.0

Love and luck to all
Mrs Bunny xxxx


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Mrs Bunny,

Thank you for such a helpful post! I didn't think it was blunt at all! As you say, it's better to be armed with the facts.
The periods have been a nightmare ever since they started (at age 10!) but no cause has ever been found. I've lost all count of the days I've had to rest, huddled over a hot water bottle. When I was at school, I used to have to go outside because I was sick and fainting in class! 
I was examined by a gynae a few years ago and had a scan of my womb, which revealed nothing. I think it may be hereditary because my mother went through hell, as well. At least now I have tablets that do something (mefenamic acid). I have to say I've always been terrifed of labour, because the thought of having to endure worse pain was just too much!
As you say, this site is a mine of information and it really does help with exploring the options. I don't know whether I'm still ovulating but the periods are infuriatingly regular. 
You're right about the grieving for your lost fertility. I think the problem is because I was so ill in my thirties I feel I didn't have much of a chance to have children and I didn't have a crystal ball when I was young.  If I'd known I'd be so ill, I would have had them in my late twenties, somehow. I didn't actually meet my husband until I was 39, just to make things more complicated. 
I'm sorry about your miscarriages, I can't imagine what it must be like to have a confirmed pregnancy and then lose it. I hope the immune treatment works for you. I gasped when I saw how much it has cost you! There is just no way we could ever afford those sums of money! 
I suspect you're right that donor eggs offer the only hope but my husband isn't keen. He says he wants the child to be his and mine, which made me cry. He has no problems, so of course it would be his. Sometimes, I feel so old, useless, worthless, stuck in a body that doesn't work! And I am only 47! That's not old, is it? I've never come across this ageism before!
And needless to say, it doesn't apply to men!
Mother Nature is a .....!
Sorry, bit of a rant there but I don't know what to do with these feelings. I am seeing a counsellor but she's not a specialist in this area and she's got children and grandchildren. I don't know whether I can move on to donor until some of the emotions have been resolved. There's an article that someone links to about the psychological journey to accepting a donor egg child which is excellent and I think I am stuck in the most painful bit of all! 
It wouldn't be mine, would it? It wouldn't have my grandmother's nose (almost everyone in the family has my grandmother's nose!) My father is dead and his line will be extinct. 
I still have to find a new doctor but I wonder if it's even worth going to see him or her about this. I've virtually given up on the medical profession, to be honest. I have two chronic conditions as well as the uncertainty over the thyroid and I'm sick of going to the doctor only to hear 'oh, yes, you've got x. It's chronic, it's incurable and it will get worse. Now, go away and live with it.'  
Is there anyone out there who has a suggestion about how to win the Lottery?! I'm quite happy to go halves!  
Anyway, we will go to Bourn Hall and try to find the money to get on the waiting list, if I can reconcile myself to the idea of donor. It looks as it it will have to be but I know someone whose relative got pregnant naturally at 49 and I can't stop hoping...!
Good luck, Mrs Bunny.  I hope the immune treatments work for you.

Rowanx


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## jackie_d (Jan 25, 2009)

Hello Rowan,
I was in a similar-ish situation in that I didn't meet Mr Right til I was 41, and then after 18 months managed to persuade him to start ttc.  All along I think I had this romantic notion that somebody up there was finally looking out for little old me and had found me this lovely man and maybe would see their way to sending a baby along too....

So we tried naturally for over 2 years, kind of taking with a pinch of salt all the statistics, had some tests to see if I was ovulating, which I was, but still nothing and and after much procrastination on my part we eventually asked our GP about IVF. He said we could have a couple of goes (after he'd asked if we had savings!), mentioned Bourn Hall and Lister, but not until we met consultants did we actually realise that at age 45 there was less than 1% chance of IVF working with my own eggs - and as the consultant at Guys said, we say 1% because "never say never".  (GP never mentioned anything whatsoever about donor eggs - I don't think a lot of people in general are aware it can even be done). 

I felt really rubbish for a while ("all those years and years of periods and this is what it's come to etc etc".  So that's when we started researching donor eggs  - seemed overwhelming to start with - emailed lots of clinics in Europe randomly and tried to make sense of all their replies.  One thing that helped was going to free open evenings at Lister and University College Hospital to get some of the terminology and factors involved in IVF.

We came across Reprofit in the Czech Republic who were much cheaper than most of the clinics in Spain (currently 3,900 euro, plus about 200-300 for drugs, plus Ryanair flights and fairly reasonably priced accommodation) - and also came across this site, and saw how many women had been there, which gave us the confidence to try it. I was lucky in that my fiance did not seem to have an issue with using donor eggs - I think he, like myself, took the practical view that it was that or (most likely) nothing, and by this time he was quite keen on the idea of having a child. I was also lucky in that I did have the savings available to have the treatment - decided to look on it as risky investment.  Might have felt a lot different if I'd had to borrow money for it, so it depends on your circumstances. 

So as you can see below, we were extremely lucky and got a BFP first time - I still have to keep touching wood though!!  

I suppose I just want to say if you want to and are able to try donor eggs, go for it, but I understand that it wouldn't be for everyone and there's no guarantees of it working.  I just felt like it was an amazing opportunity that wouldn't have existed a few years ago - (to go from less than 1% chance to 30-40% chance).  Anyway, I appreciate that I've also been very lucky (touch wood again) so hope I'm not coming across too annoyingly enthusiastic when things in life aren't always that simple.  I have a relative who's had several miscarriages and it all seems so totally unfair.

Best of luck to everyone on this thread wherever this journey takes you and make the most of all the great support and other people's experience on fertility friends - I don't think I'd have got this far without it.

Jackie x


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## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Jackied,

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope it's all going OK for you.
I am still toying with the idea of donor eggs. There does seem to be some recent research (coming out of Harvard University) that suggests the 'old egg' theory isn't quite as straightforward as the clinics seem to be suggesting and in fact, women continue to produce new eggs throughout their reproductive lives. What does seem to be the case with the clinics is that our eggs just won't respond to IVF, which means we have to get pg naturally or not at all. I suppose they could just be too vulnerable, after all they have to go through a lot. 
We went to Bourn Hall, who weren't encouraging, primarily because of their long waiting list for de. I have another birthday coming (God, how I've started to hate those things!) and they have a two year waiting list. This would mean I would be perilously close to 50 by the time I reached the top and they won't treat anyone over that age. 
We're going to have to look around if we do decide on this route but at the moment neither of us are very keen. Money is  a real factor, unfortunately. We just don't have very much of it and my husband is against borrowing the money in case the treatment doesn't work. He says I would just be so upset every month when that loan had to be repaid. I suspect this is true. 
How do you make a family? And why is it that all these over 40s celebrities seem to have no trouble? It's even much easier to adopt in the States than it is here!
We will have to keep thinking about de though my husband still thinks it might happen naturally. One thing my doctor did pick up was the level of stress I'm feeling about it all. He told me to relax! Why does everybody say that!
Thanks for your reply and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

Rowanx


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## rosie1K (Aug 19, 2009)

Hi Meeps,
I am booked to for a DE cycle at Dogus clinic in Northern cyprus which is a sister clinic to Jinemed where i went for my IVF cycle in September. I was thinking of doing a "tandem" cycle - that is trying with my own withthe back up of a donor - but after a lot of soul searching have pretty much decided to just go for DE . After first thinking this was something I would never do I am now really really excited about it and have spoken to several ladies who are now pregnant or just had their babies and feel much more comfortable with the idea. I have had any blood tests needed through my GP and am having a local Dr do my first few scans in this country although i am having to pay for them, then I will be flying to Cyprus begining of feb but will only have ot be there for about 7 days. It is very very exciting and I am so pleased I have got to this stage as I now have no reservations.
If you have any questions then please ask.

Love Rosie xx


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