# An off day



## Son (Aug 31, 2011)

Which thread do I post on if I'm having an off day; feel rather lonely, very tearful & need to let off some steam??
Had my 1st failed iui last month. Clinic advised to go straight to ivf but obviously this costs loads so back to trying naturally for now. 
Used the Clearblue digital ovulation test today & got my smiley face but DP is away until tomorrow so I've spent my Easter Sunday under my duvet in tears - another wasted month 
xx


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## EmmaD23 (Dec 17, 2011)

Really sorry to hear about your failed IUI, just wanted to send you a hug   
Now take the duvet into the living room, put on your favourite chic-flick and eat your body weight in easter eggs..it will help I promise  
xxx


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## Fliss44 (Mar 8, 2012)

I'm having on off-day too.  Found out someone else we know is pregnant, and they married at the same time as we did last year.  I'm just going to write today off as a bad day and start with positivity again tomorrow.  Big hugs xx


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## Son (Aug 31, 2011)

Thank you for your replies ladies.
The failed iui almost broke my heart but this morning when I saw the positive smiley face on my ovulation stick my heart skipped a beat. I've never actually seen evidence of my ovulation (doc's have obviously confirmed it several times over but I've never seen it for myself) so as daft as it might sound holding that stick in my hand with that wonderful smiley face meant the world to me.... but its wasted cus' i'm not seeing my DP until 7.30 2moro morning. We baby danced twice yesterday (for no other reason than we wanted to do!) & I know that as soon as he's home in the morning I'll be launching myself at him because I've missed him sooooooooooooo much today, but my LH surge is now & he's not here so my heart is feeling enormously heavy  

   to you. xx


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## MadameG (Jan 13, 2012)

Hi Son, hope you've found something to make you feel a little better this evening, like a good Easter Egg! I totally understand how you feel off day wise as I've had lots of those recently. It is so tough to be continually reminded of what you don't have and to feel unable to achieve it, so I admit that I've had plenty of cries underneath the duvet, like most of us on here I expect! Just wanted to give you a little glimmer of hope for you this month - from what I understand ovulation happens within about 24 hours of the lh surge so even if you're waiting till tomorrow morning for some bms then you're still in with a chance. Plus the swimmers from yesterday are still likely to be around up there, searching for the egg, so you probably have much more of a chance than you thought. I do understand how horrible it is to feel like you're missing your window, my DH has to travel a lot with work and the last two months he's left on my first day of my peaks (I use the cbfm) and I felt utterly devestated. I just had to console myself with there's always next month...

Big hugs hun and good luck xxx


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## Son (Aug 31, 2011)

Hiya ladies  
How were your Easter's? 
I'm feeling a bit better than I was Sunday; normally I like to pride myself on being as tough as old boots but lately I feel so negative. My mind is all over the place & I just feel as though I'm losing control of my life or sanity or something!!! 
I think that over the past 4plus years of ttc I just always hoped that if all else fails then paying thousands of pounds for fertility treatment would just simply work, so when we got to the point of treatment I was pinning years of hopes & dreams on it & when it didn't work I now just feel at a loss.
DP has said that we will go for IVF next but its so much money & as he's paying for it I don't like to push it too much in terms of asking him when we can do - I know I sound daft but I'm pretty sure that I've absolutely drove him nuts (esp lately) & so I don't want to just say to him "so, when are you going to pay that £6000 for our ivf?" 
We're trying naturally again for a while which is fine but I'm very much a forward planner & its driving me mad not being able to look in my diary & know which month we'll be going for ivf. 
Am I making any sense or do I just sound crazy? 

Anyway, I sincerely hope that you are well.
   to all. xx


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## EmmaD23 (Dec 17, 2011)

Hi Son,
I'm so glad your feeling a bit better, I know we feel as though we need to put on a brave face I think it is good sometimes just to let yourself 'grieve'. I had a proper meltdown before Christmas I had just bottled it all up for years and not talked about our infertility not even to my husband really, then one day I was so frustrated and angry I just exploded and everything came pouring out I think I cryed for about 3 weeks solid, then I thought enough is enough pulled myself together. I kind of felt refreshed and relieved that it had all come out. What I'm trying to say is I think we need to cry and be angry every so often as Jessie J says 'its OK not to be OK!' hehe! 
We are about to start Clomid in 2 weeks so you are ahead of me in your mission but I totally agree with you about wanting to plan out the future, I always want to know 'what happens next' 'what happens if this doesn't work'.
Have you had a good old chat with your hubby about how are you want to go with your treatment? 
Take care and good luck with everything
Emma xxx
Sorry I waffle a bit!


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