# Who's not returning to work?



## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

Hi everyone

Our SW has really encouraged me not to return to work. I did think that was the same for everyone but now I can see a lot of you are returning to work and using childcare something we have been told we shouldn't do with an adopted child. We're not matched so it can't be to do with the needs of a specific child.

Anyone else encouraged to take a career break?


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## scoobydooby (Nov 5, 2013)

In an ideal world I don't think there would be many parents who would want to go back to work, reality however......    From our own experience I sometimes think sw's don't have a grip on reality


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## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

It's not that I don't want to go back to work its that SW's don't think I should.


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## rsm (Aug 20, 2009)

In my pack I'm sure I read somewhere they expect you to take a year off work after LO has been placed. Not sure how practical that is for many....


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## peacelily (Feb 24, 2006)

I am going back to work next week, after 9 months off. I did the same with my son. Both were placed as babies, and my son settled into Nursery very easily. My daughter will be going to the same Nursery, and is enjoying her settling-in sessions currently. I do, however, only work 2 days a week, so this influenced our decision - I think it also depends very much on the child that is placed with you. 


Peacelily xx


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## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

Yes RSM it's one year and my OH has to take a full month at a minimum.


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

I haven't gone back to work after my AL.  I wanted to go back part time, I still do, but it just isn't feasible with my daughter.  I am hoping to get back into work in a couple of years when my daughter starts school.


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

To be honest babas, I do think it is quite unacceptable for sw to expect up to take a carer break or leave work altogether. I fully acknowledge and believe that it should depend  on the needs of your child but I also believe that it should be your decision and not one that has been enforced on you or dictated.  I'm returning to work next week for 3 days after 11 months off. It was always the plan and it was fully supported by both ours and little mans sw. Leaving work was never an option. 

Also, dh wasn't able to take a month off. he is self employed and it was simply never an option. He took off 3 weeks and popped in during that time for the odd hour or two. Again, all sw knew this prior to matching and it was never an issue. 

It never ceases to amaze me how agencies and even sw differ!!!


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## NancyS (Oct 16, 2013)

I went back to work for 1-day a week after 10-months and I'm now just about to increase my hours to 2.5 days a week (AS has been with us for 13-months).  I'm fairly lucky to have quite flexible work and my husband took a few days leave to cover the first few weeks and then my Mum and Dad looked after AS.  It's been really helpful to be able to build things up slowly and AS is going to be starting nursery in the next few weeks.  AS is now just 3 and seems ready for nursery, so hopefully it will be OK - it has been hard returning to work though.  He seems such a happy little boy at the moment and I can't help worrying that the change might unsettle him - although he so far seems to have taken it all in his stride.


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

I'm another one who didn't return, had every intentions of going back, but it became very apparent over time that our son even though he was of school age just would not cope at all with me returning to work. That was even with hubby doing the caring whilst I was not here, we just wanted to give him the best possible chance, we do get AO, DLA and carers allowance, all of which help some what otherwise think we would be in a picked.


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## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

I don't think it's unacceptable but i did think it was much more common. SW knows our financial circumstances, family support and nature of my job. We are also happy to take a change with attachment issues so I guess she's considered all that and feels it better for me to be based at home. 

Obviously if we struggle financially I'd have no choice but we should just about manage.


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi babas
Our SW is happy that I'm taking a year off and plan to return 3 days a week after that. We know we can manage that easily as I only work 3 days a week now an AL package is great at my work 
But we are preparing ourselves for the unknown and accept I may have to give up work completely for a few more years, SW is happy that we have accepted this but also is happy for me to go back part time if we feel it is the right thing for our children at the time. 
If there isn't a particular child in mind I don't know why they would stipulate this. 
I don't mind what happens either way but am glad it will be our choice.


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## Loopylou29 (Mar 4, 2013)

I'm with Flash, its not up to the sw if you return to work or not.
As for using childcare well we've never been told its unacceptable from ss point of view. What they have told us is they are not keen on full time childcare or constant changes in carer. However they have also acknowledged that sometimes people have no choice or circumstances arise beyond their control. 
We were never told we had to take 12 months off either. I went back to work after ten months first time round and will be doing the same this time.


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

I won't be returning to work anytime soon but mine are both very young (21 months and 10 months) and for the small amount I'd be able to work it would all go straight on fees for child care. When they're say 2 and 3 or 3 and 4 I'd like to go back part-time if I can....well, I say I'd like to, what I mean is I'd like to do something 'for myself' that doesn't involve children and be a grown up for a couple of days a week and that will come in the package of employment   I think it could be a financial struggle when my adoption pay stops in the summer but we'll have to see.

We weren't told I had to take a year off but they were all visibly delighted that I wasn't planning to return anytime soon anyway. If I just had my daughter I'd probably return sooner to be perfectly honest but my hands are way too full with two.


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## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

I'm not worried about returning to work to be honest I just thought it was far more common.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

They can't tell you what to do or stop you from retuning once a child is placed.  However we always said I'd be a full time mum for as long as children need / till they go to school and this is seen as something that makes us very desirable as adopters
Childrens SW's see it as a massive strength in an application.  Our girls received record levels of interest about 10 times the normal amount of applications from adopters. Their family finder said the first thing she did was bin every application where one of the adopters wasn't planning on leaving work indefinitely because she could.  Then she went through the remaining applications and decided on DH and I ( thank god ). I know this because of the matching panel report not because they discussed it with us. 

Bottom line is you and your family need to be happy and do what's right for you.  However if this is not returning to work in my experience this will make you more desirable to SW's x x


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## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

Interesting reading. Our social workers did a good fix on us. They made us feel that we wouldnt  be successful if we didnt take a year off each. I mean really did a good job on us. Tbh what a load of rubbish, although I am sure it does factor in as DIY Diva says. . The fact that it nearly ruined us is boredom not just of the kids of course but of each other and we are still madly in love so not sure how people on benefits cope...sorry tangent! . Dont get me wrong we love our children but with both of us having time off together week in week our has caused more problems than us going to work would have. Hubby missed out on starting a Masters and I could have been their main carer. It drives us mad that we fell for it. Now we both have to re-start our careers. We dont have prefect children and their have been issues but being so closed in together has only compounded them! 
Now I am trying to find work and hubby is starting his Master's in September. So think very carefully about how much time you take off...parenting is amazing and hard and I love my kids but wow it can be sooooooooooo boring and brain numbing at times, but that could just be me. . 
X


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## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

Hi guys. I'm comfortable with the choice to take a career break. I have a transferable degree and post grad so can go back in a few years. Hubby is taking a month on full pay. He's lucky his company are great with all the adoption stuff and he's had paid leave for everything. 

For us and our circumstances one of us would need to take the career sacrifice. If we're not happy or finances become an issue I have already said I'll return and that's in my PAR. However, there had been a focus on me leaving work right the way through and how without this we may struggle. But SW knows our personal circumstances so I suppose their guiding us as best they can. 

However, I was led to believe most adopters did this which is obviously not correct!


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

With the first one DH was off for 4wks (he was driving me nuts after 3wks though!) and I told them I'd take 9mths off originally. I hated my job but couldn't afford to quit or to pay back the adoption pay so returned 2 days a week after 6mths in March last year. I regret it as it really didn't help my LO. I then went to 4 days a week in Sept.
From this Sept I'll be dropping down to 3 mornings -assuming I'm not already on adoption leave by then.

For the next adoption leave we're in a better financial position. I'll be taking a full year off and we can manage financially if I don't return to work. I'd like to go back and do 1 or 2 mornings a week once the newbie is at nursery particularly as I discovered, like others, that boredom really can set in and I like my new job which provides me with the opportunity to teach just a couple of hours in a day.


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

I would love to not have to go back to work in an ideal world. Unfortunatly both me and my wife have to work to pay bills and other commitments. We will be working 5/4 so four long days each snd then a day off each. Have parents and sister for child care for 3 days.  Yor SW can not force you to take a career break but if you have the means too then yes. Because of us having to work its taking longer for a match aswe are limited to the type of child we could have.


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