# Feel like giving up



## bambibaby12 (Oct 29, 2012)

Just wanted to have a moan & wondering if there is anybody else out there in a similar situation?

So I had my first failed ivf cycle in feb/march of this year, felt so so down after my bfn but then had my follow up a holiday and came back feeling strong and ready to start all over again. It was agreed that I needed a hysterscopy and then I could start cycle number 2. At my follow up on 12th march I was told that to pay privately for hysto would cost £2k so my consultant told me to go back to my GP and see if thy would agree for it to be done on the nhs, which they did... But I was then told I would need to have another consultation despite it being with the same consultant on the nhs as id had my private cycle with.., this appt then wasn't until 29th April... At this appt she told me I would have the hysteroscopy within 6 weeks... I received my letter today and it's now booked for 30th JULY?   so practically 3 months away!!! I was desperate to be well underway with my 2nd cycle by then. Just feeling so deflated!

To top that off, my best friend who told me the day my embies were transferred that she was pregnant is now completely ignoring me... I know she is probably finding it hard to talk to me but surely our 14 year friendship can withstand this?? 

Don't think DH understands how I feel, he is so positive and has just told me "it will happen eventually".... I don't want eventually, I want now!! I'm sick of being the one on the outside of the "mummy clubs" with all my friends.. I want to join in with their baby talk.., (although I've made a vow NEVER to the same extent and I will refuse to be one of the ones who cover ******** with baby pics and updates)...

I honestly thought 2013 was going to be my year! Just don't feel like ME anymore. Just upset all the time and don't have the energy to do anything...

I'm sorry if I've upset anybody and I know that people go through so much worse and I probably sound like a spoilt brat at the moment!!

Hope everybody has a fabulous bank holiday weekend xxx


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear bambibaby12

     It sounds like you are having a real hassle just now and even the end of July must seem like a long way away. I think that having unexpected delays when I was geared up to get going with IVF was one of the hardest things for me.  But things are moving forward for you and the time will pass quicker than you think.  In the meantime, looking on the positive side, the delay means that you have time to get into super-fit and healthy condition for your next cycle with healthy eating, supplements and other preparation, and focusing on doing something positive to help your chances should help you feel better about the wait and maybe even make you feel that it is passing quicker.

Not sure what to say about our friend other than to suggest trying to talk to her about things. I am sure that she doesn't know what to say to you so maybe you could make the first move?

Hang on in there.  Your time will come.  

Ellie


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## Dudders (Jun 18, 2012)

Hi bambi    

Sorry your friend is being crappy - I think something like this really shows who your friends are.  Although I'd do it carefully I would confront her, she may not know what to say but her head is up her own bum and she's hurting you which isn't fair - don't suffer in silence.

As for the op, I'm really sorry to hear that it's so long.  Firstly we'll look at the positive (not something I'm renowned for doing!) which is that you are in the system which is the big start.  So what you can do about it practically ... Contact your consultant privately and ask whether they can do anything.  They have more control over what they do than you realise - they might have missed your referral coming through to their office and not pushed you up the list.  My consultant managed to arrange my first op very quickly for me in this way.

Lots of hugs hun xxx


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## yogabunny (Sep 12, 2012)

hello bambi, I agree with Ellie the unexpected delays are really difficult to handle and I have done things like new supplements, new healthy habits etc to fill in those gaps to feel like i am getting somewhere. also agree with Dudders speak to consultant privately, as you never know if they can do anything or at least keep you in mind if there is a cancellation so you can get back to your cycles quicker. I have heard of ladies calling every week to see if any cancellations and getting lucky. Well done at getting a hysto on the NHS, that is great achievement and will give you some peace of mind for your next cycle     This can still be your year        xxxxxx
I would make a call to your friend too, if you can, 14 years is a long time and so worth making the first move, but if after you make the effort it is not getting any better then you may need to put yourself first. xxx


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## bambibaby12 (Oct 29, 2012)

Thanks girls and you are all right, and normally I would be the first to be thinking of the positives and telling myself there isn't any point getting upset cos it won't solve anything etc etc but just recently I've turned into one of the "glass half empty" people and it really isn't me at all. It's strange cos before the ivf and when we were just ttc naturally my defence mechanism whenever ppl asked if I was having kids always used to be "oh we aren't ready yet" or "one day, but we've loads on at the moment".. So now that we are undergoing ivf it's like I've finally admitted to myself that there is a problem and it's out in the open now and it really seems to make it harder for myself to deal with. 

I will deffo be calling them every week chasing a cancellation that's for sure. If anything they may get sick of me and give me an earlier appt just to shut me up 

Ellie.st - thank you for your kind words, and my intentions are good. I've booked lots of races to get back into my running & bought loads of supplements etc... Just need to get my **** in gear now xx

Dudders - hello, hope you are ok! I know you've had a few set backs too along the way. Good thinking about speaking to the private consultant! I will email her now and then call next week. Will employ bunny boiler status and see if that works  xx

Yogabunny - that's just what my DH said, he thinks we need to think of the positive in that it's saving us 2k and that we've then more money to throw at ivf. Just bugs me that it's the one thing I'm asking of the nhs, I can't get funding cos I'm "too young" so surely they could assist me a little more with this. To me any delay is reducing my fertility.   thank you again for your kind words!



Wishing all you ladies lots of luck for your journeys!! You all deserve it and just glad of the support I can get on here!!xxx


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## purplegirl_84 (Jun 16, 2012)

Hi bambi....

I know how you feel... nobody really can understand the rejection you feel... i rem my DH been very supportive and so positive whilist i seemed totally ready to give up... and angry at everything....

i think we end up being the hardest on ourselves... i know i kept wanting it now... especially once i did my laparoscopy ... i kept hoping and hoping ... worst was when a friend of ours conceived immediately few months after getting married... and DH and i were so shocked... lol ( no laughing matter then) we did'nt even congratulate them properly... i think those who conceive easily will never understand what trying to be parents feel.. 
in our case we felt bad for not reacting happily for our friends so we met then again and gave then a small baby gift.. 

Also in regards to ttc... i tired to distract myself for months changed jobs... took some hobby courses .... Chatting on here with some really supportive ladies helped me tons... i also saw a therapist... (kinda to deal with past issues that were only making things tougher for me) 
finally we got stuck renovating our home... turned out to be the most stressful month for us as was going through treatment the same  time... i just went through with the treatment for the sake of it... when i did'nt get my period just figured it was stress ... turned out to be better than that 

you don't have to put on a brave face every-time... just having someone to share your pain with helps.. in my case a random stranger.. who would'nt judge me...

Dunno if what i said helps.. 

loads of


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## MovingSiren (Mar 17, 2013)

Lots of   to you! I definitely second calling and chasing the hospital re cancellations. My initial surgery was booked for July too that was in Feb. I called the secretary to chat about dates and broke down in tears. She was ever so nice and spent the better part of 20 minutes consoling me. I got a letter for the surgery 5 days later and had it early March 4 months earlier than the original date and 2 weeks before the private one we also booked.

Stay strong! J x


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## bambibaby12 (Oct 29, 2012)

Ladies thank you sooo much!

Honestly it really has made me feel so much better reading your posts!!

Purple girl - firstly a huge congrats if what I think is correct, you got your BFP?? Hope your pregnancy is going well  I am doing all those things, we are currently renovating as we want to move house next year anyway, just got the kitchen and outside left to do now. 
I know what you mean about not being able to react to others good news, I have tried but I'm also conscious that sometimes I perhaps overdo it and maybe go to far... I.e I'm always buying my friends kids presents and clothes, just wish I could spend my money buying my own children clothes. The friend that's being weird with me, I've even txd offering to help them sort their nursery and if they want/need anything they know where I am.... That txt was ignored too  
I know though that after listening to you ladies that I can't give up yet, I just need to keep fighting harder xx

Movingsiren - so glad you got your dates brought forward, hope I'm that lucky! 
What happened on yours? Read your sig and saw that nothing was found but did they explain any further about what might happen next and ways forward? Had they already removed the polyps that they found earlier,?
I can't imagine what they will find on mine, in some ways I hope they do find something so they can sort it and then move on 
Good luck to you on your next cycle xx


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## MovingSiren (Mar 17, 2013)

They found no polyps and concluded it was the stimming drugs causing lump like shapes in the uterus. Currently on day 2 of stimms and slightly paranoid as the last cycle went belly up around day 9 of stimms. At least now they know not to worry about any odd shaped lump like things.

Hopefully things move for you soon. It's a shame they are holding you back in almost every way. Considering we get told to have babies in our twenties, I find it weird that they won't offer you IVF! Idiots!!!


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## bambibaby12 (Oct 29, 2012)

I'm sure you will be fine this time, stay positive! This is your time!!

You are so right, it's crazy isn't it, we are supposed to be at our most fertile in our 20s yet they are therefore telling us that they will only help us when are fertility is already declining more rapidly... Weird! 
Annoys me too that I waiting to have kids until I was married and secure well paid job so I could support my family, just wish I'd flipping not worried and put kids first... Guess u really can't win can you xx


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## pinkpantha (Feb 18, 2012)

Hi all,

Bambibaby-I understand where you are coming from-I often think if I had had a different career I would be where I am in my life now but 5 years earlier like most of my friends and peers but that's just not how life pans out sometimes and it's really important to develop your sense of self and identity because I for sure don't want to be someone who is defined by their children or for being a 'parent' alone. You are still a person at the end of the day and deserve a good life, not just children so never regret the achievements in your life. 

Furthermore at 28 your eggs are still young regardless of any other fertility issues you have which has a massive influence on your chances of conceiving-have you had any immune screening done yet? July is not that far away..I've just been to the nhs consultant to request a laparoscopy as have never had one I'm all of this and I know it will be a few months but its a few grand that I don't have to spend and can put towards an IVF cycle instead-try and plan thing with your DH in the meantime because the time will go quicker, you will feel happier and more mentally prepared for the hysteroscopy and next cycle.

If you're ever feeling down looking at the profiles of people like lady-s and foxy1-these guys have had loads of cycles and still had success. When you talk ago people in a worse situation than you-there is a young doctor by the name of Kate granger who is terminally ill with cancer in she is one of the most inspirational people I have ever hearts of-she has stuck two fingers up to cancer and had got on with her life and raised a hell of a lot of only for charity. When I think of her my life is pretty damn good. Check her out.

I am feeling very positive for you that this will be your year   so don't give up

Xx


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