# Very confused - Shall I try another ICSI or should I go for adoption



## Illy (Jul 20, 2008)

Hi everyone,


I'm 43 years old, and after failed FT and one miscarriage, we decided to look into adoption.  We had our LA info session on the 15 July.  I wanted to have confirmation from the doctor, that the door to have our own child is closed and went for a blood test.  The doctor said that my FHS has gone dramatically down and is now 9.4.  I usually had around 12 eggs for egg collection which 5 of them fertilised and 3 put back in. None of them were suitable for freezing, and none of them stayed and one was a chemical pregnancy.
The doctor said that my chances for getting pregnant is 20% max.  I'm not really sure if I should do another cycle, and if I do, do I jeopardise the adoption?  The LA said that you should have a 6 months gap between the IVF and the adoption.  I don't really want to wait 6 months if this cycle fails.  Is it cheeky to go for both and not tell the LA?  Would they find out?
I haven't heard anything back from the LA since I've posted the application.


What are you're thoughts of keeping both doors open and go for both?  Am I being delusional and just throw money at something?


Appreciate any answers.


Thank you


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

This is a question only you can answer    

I would not recommend you going behind the LA's back and having more treatment, part of the procdure of Home Study is to find out as much information as possible about you, it is very intense and there is no way I could have lied in mine, not to mention your medical will bring it up anyway, would you want to get that far and then the SW close the doors on your adoption journey?

If you decide to go for more treatment and it fails, you're probably looking at being a year older when you come back to adoption - reading your other thread about your ages is this something you feel comfortable with. 

Best of luck with your very hard decision


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## AliG63 (Jul 15, 2010)

Hiya Elona,
I just read your post and really agonised for you. What a shame that you had 10 eggs but none of them took, and then your chemical pregnancy.
I started out on the egg donation process- as I was 44 and my Gynaecologist said I'd have between a 1-2% chance of IVF working with my own eggs. We did 3 rounds of IVFDE and I fell pregnanct the second time round but miscarried at 7 weeks. this business is such a gambol..
I would recommend maybe you look into egg donation- that's if you feel you can as emotionally it is a huge issue and many women have to do a lot of soul-searching first.  The chances of success are between 65-70% depending on which clinic you go with, and if you go for a clinic abroad you can go virtually immediately, whereas if you try over here usually the wait is between 6 months and a year and a half!

Anyway, we are starting off on the adoption road, and I'm a few years older than you, so don't for one minute imagine that you're old!! 
If you go for adoption you have the guarantee that you can proceed straight away too, whereas the whole
IVF malarkey is such a gambol. but having said that, if you've got the money maybe you should go again, if only to get closure on the issue if you're unsuccessful.
Hope that's been a help.
Ali xxx


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

When you start the adoption process a wait of 6 months seems impossible - but if you do have a gap before starting the process it is quite small in the overall scheme of things (we've been waiting 6 months today since our paperwork went "live" overseas) and looking back it will probably seem like a good thing.


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## katena (Nov 14, 2007)

Hi elona,

It's such a hard decision! We very nearly cancelled our current FET as I felt like my heart was with the adoption route... However we decided to carry on then I would always know that I had 'done everything' I could to conceive naturally. The more tx we have done the more I have realised it's about family.. And not blood. It's about seeing my dp with our child.

But.... We carried on.. Despite our LA having a 1 year wait between IVF and starting adoption! I don't know it's work yet as my OTd is the 22nd... But I'm surprisingly calm about the result either way!

Good luck in whatever you decide

K


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## popsy1 (Jul 15, 2011)

Hi Elona,
We have just had a second cycle fail, but we have decided to try again in September. Luckily family have stepped in financially. We have funded the others ourselves too. Anyway, I digress. I also have contacted my LA and they too say at least 6 mnth wait, to clear your head. However, we are going to one of their open evenings/intro evenings, to find out more information, before we go through our next tx. This is so we can have a good ole plan ahead. They won't accept an application from us, but are quite happy for us to go along for info. This way we feel like we are taking control again of our path. Just an idea for you to think about x


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## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

Elona, I really feel for, it is a really hard decision to make, but only you and you dh can make.
We had to make that very decision a year ago, but for me it was an easy one.
We had been through 6 goes of IVF when I got pregnant with twins but misscarried 2 days before going for my 7 week scan.
We also got pregnant on our first go but again misscarried at 10 weeks.
When I lost the twins I was adamant we were going to try again and really had to preswade by dh.
This time we had the most eggs of all the treatments but not one fertilised, I was so gutted I cant explain it, but that was my turning point.
I really just could not go through the disappointment again, we had been doing IVF for three years and I just had enough, but I still wanted a family. We are about to start our homestudy next week and be honest as soon we made the decision to adopt the pressure to have a baby lifted and I am now more relaxed than I have been in the last 3/4 years.

Only you can make this decision hun and I wish you all the luck in the world if you do try again.
And as Ali has said you are not to old to adopt and if you want a very young child there needs to be a maximum of 45 years between your adopted child and the main carer.

Good luck hun
Skyblu.xx


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

I am in a similar type position at moment. Was on list for icsi on nhs when fell pregnant naturally last year, lost baby at 6 weeks. Then fell pregnant few months later with twins. Lost one baby before Xmas at 9 weeks and then lost my son at 16 weeks at end of Jan this year (pm result showed he had downs). Had thought at this point that adoption was maybe route for me. Then letter arrived saying was getting to top of nhs list. Went on Monday this week for final consent appt and to call on next period to get started. Ahm has come back as 4 so not good. Called and spoke to my local authority this week and they like to leave 6 months after fertility treatment finished but said that when finished to call back and could maybe go to open evenings etc. I am going ahead with this icsi and although not 100% I am pretty sure if not successful that I am not going to take my 2nd Nhs go but am going to move onto adoption at that point. With my local authourity if you want to adopt under two then youngest partner can be no older than 39 years and 6 months so that would be end Oct next year so can't really to afford to hang about.
To be perfectly honest if I wasnt so far forward with icsi I would probably move onto adoption at this stage but I feel I would regret it if I don't even give it a go.


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hi ladies 

I just wanted to echo advice already given - I'd highly recommend being honest with an Adoption Agency as any attempt to hide things from them could lead to serious consequences, however I also wanted to draw to the attention of those posting on this thread this board:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=539.0

It's a new board that's been set up for those at the end of their treatment and now considering their options. You may have found it already, but there may be others there who share your circumstances 

Good luck with whatever decison you make 

Bx


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## Illy (Jul 20, 2008)

Thank you so so much for your advice.  It was so lovely and very emotional to read your stories.
I know it is a very tough one.  Whatever I decide I have to live with.  


We've considered egg donation, but I just feel that there are so many children out there already who will need a loving home.  


We're going on holiday for a week so hopefully we will have a clearer head when we're back.


I wish you all the best of luck, I know we all will get there somehow     


Hope to write to you again.


Love
Ilona


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## JDP (Sep 26, 2010)

i am another one in your position - after my 3rd failed ICSI i was determined not to try again and started to consider adoption but as they say time is a great healer and i am starting to think should I - obviously there are the financial implications to think about which is a biggie but i am so worried it wont work again and i dont think i can go thru the emotional trauma a fourth time but in the back of my mind i will always wonder "what if"..........i am getting used to having my life back after putting it on hold for so long. If the ICSI doesnt succeed it will be another 6 months to wait and time is not on my side..............what we put ourselves thru eh


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## popsy1 (Jul 15, 2011)

Hi Jude
Yes, I know what you mean about your life being on hold for such a long time, as it does really take hold of everything in your life and you feel like you can't plan anything, even a few weeks ahead. We are going to an open evening this week re the adoption, but it is not easy focussing on that whilst we still very much pin our hopes on another try.  Also, this time round (after the 2nd failure) I have felt really quite drained, and haggered. I put it down to the drugs. We had said if no. 2 didn't work we wouldn't/couldn't do it again, but i know what you mean with the "what if..."


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