# New to the group.... need advice on everything!!xx



## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

So, as the subject line suggests I'm new to the group. I am ABSOLUTELY desperate to become pregnant and have my own child. I've come to this group to get advice from some like minded people. I'm very fortunate to have supportive family and friends but worry that when it comes to getting advice from them they don't think I'm wholly serious about the sperm bank option.

So apologies for the following long winded post but need to get things off my chest!

I had a long term on/off relationship from the age of 17 until 27. It started off with having a miscarriage when we'd only been going out a few months which only a few people know about. I don't think I dealt with the grief properly which still hangs over me from time to time. I split up with this partner about 18 months ago and haven't had a relationship since. I've tried the whole internet dating thing and it just doesn't seem to be for me.

The only thing I really want in life is a family. I'm very family orientated and have a lot of support from my mam who I openly discuss 'going to the sperm bank' with as I do with my friends and wider family so I know they will be supportive when I do. I'm lucky enough to have a stable job as a nurse and I'm the process of buying my own property but 'Mr Right' is still yet to show up. I always said if I was still single at 30 I'd look into getting pregnant then but not knowing about my fertility and ability to carry a child make me think should I start earlier, obviously having a miscarriage (I know it may have just been a 'one off') and the fact I'm a nurse on a neonatal intensive care unit so I'm well aware of what can go wrong in pregnancy. So I'd rather start trying sooner rather than later in case getting pregnant isn't plain sailing.

So I'm wondering, where do I start? I live in the North East of England so I'm looking for advice on what clinics peoples have used locally. I'm hoping that AI is all I'll need if fertility is fine... am I being naive in assuming this? And if so could I buy sperm online rather than going to a clinic? If I need to go to a clinic, what's the difference in price from the UK to going abroad? I have looked into the StorkKlinik in Denmark and they seem reasonably priced but then obviously it would mean factoring in travel costs to Denmark.

I'm sure I'll have more questions in the coming months but that's a start. Looking through the forum, everyone on here seems to be very supportive and I hope to have some positive feedback from you all (but please tell me the negative too if needs be!)

Thank in advance

Jessica
xxx


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## notamuggle (Jan 15, 2013)

Hi Jessica and welcome, this forum is amazing helpful & supportive.

I'm not from your area so I don't know about the clinics near you but the one I go to in Sussex doesn't have it's own spermbank so you order sperm separately although they give you advice about which ones to go to and what you need to order. I used the European Sperm Bank.

It might be worth going to speak to your GP first as they may be willing to do many of the first lot of fertility tests for you free and you can normally get a full std check from your local GUM clinic.

Some tests will have to be gone at your clinic as they're too expensive to get done on the NHS (AMH is one blood test that your GP won't do) but if you can get any tests done with your GP first it'll save you some money.

I went straight to my local clinic after going to one of their open evenings and had all but my std checks done with them.

You're still young and have no known fertility problems so hopefully you'll only need IUI

I don't know about the abroad clinics but there're lots of girls on here who can advise you on that. 

Being a nurse I'd imagine you might need a clinic near to home as it'll be tricky for you to get to appointments at short notice as it is but that'll all depend on your circumstances.

Good luck, it's an exciting, terrifying and often stressful journey but with your family and friends and this forum you'll get lots of support xxx


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## jefnerf (Aug 28, 2012)

Hi Jessica I'm also single in the north east so would love to chat to you.  I'm having diui at queen Elizabeth in Gateshead as I work in low fell.  They've been quite good with me, I've worked the treatment to be about £1500 a go but its actually less on subsequent cycles.  They use an american sperm bank called xytex and it costs $615 per vial which works out about £400 I think.

Hope this helps but feel free to ask anything x


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## Rosie Ribbons (Sep 10, 2010)

Hi Jessica  
I'm 28 to and have a very similar story to you,i come from the north/east and I'm to a nurse on the children's ward,like you I was in a relationship that was going nowhere and I too ended up having a miscarriage  and the relationship ended,i was 25 but I knew I wanted a family and with a lot of help and support from my mum decided to do egg/share at The London Womens clinic in Darlington I was very lucky and fell pregnant and now have a beautiful boy who is 2 and a half,my world 

It was the best decision I ever made and have been trying for a sibling,i wish thou I has started with iui first but was very naive.

The London Womens Clinic have there own sperm bank which is on line to view it cost me 850.00 and 150.00 to transport it to the clinic very expensive.

Lots of help on the threads don't be afraid to ask my lovely all here to support you
goodluck

K xx


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Thanks for the replies! It's lovely to be able to talk openly on here and get some great advice. I think from what everyone has said the first step really is to go and see my GP. Plucking the courage up to do it as that makes it all kind of 'real' doesn't it! Just in between two long days at work but thought I'd send a quick reply to say thankyou but will sit down tomorrow and read through everything properly and will no doubt have more questions for you all. Thanks again for you support and stories!xx


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Well GP appointment booked and I've told a few close friends and my mam and they have all been 'on side' and supportive. It's all feeling very real! I actually feel excited that having a baby is now a very real possibility!xx


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## CHOCOCHINE (Mar 11, 2013)

Good luck djj. I eish I dtarted earlier. I had 3 iuis first that failed but Imported sperm to my clinic from xytex about 1500. You are younger but I wouldvsay buy 3 vials as the import fee is 400. But first go to your gp, then local clinic. They will advise u.


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Yes a few people have suggested 3 vials, it's a gamble isn't it not knowing how much will be needed!xx


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## jefnerf (Aug 28, 2012)

If you catch on your first you can save the other two for siblings?


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Never thought of that jefnerf, I think because I'm never lucky enough in life that things happen first time, lol, I always expect to have to move on to second and third tries!xx


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## jefnerf (Aug 28, 2012)

I think I'm probably being too optimistic in hoping I'll catch on the first go!


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Nothing wrong with being optimistic! Been doing lots of research tonight and weighing up whether to go down the IUI route or whether to do egg sharing. Emailed CFL and LWC for some information.xx


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## jefnerf (Aug 28, 2012)

I would have done egg sharing I'm just a bit too fat for it!  Hope they reply to you soon xx


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## Rosie Ribbons (Sep 10, 2010)

Jefnerf  NOOOOO,when I did egg/sharing for my son they never even weighed me and my bmi then was 32,noone has ever weighed me thank the lord ,mine is 28 now and I cant seem to fall 

Katie xx


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## Perasperaadastra (Mar 8, 2014)

Am basically in the same situation as yourself. Opted in for ivf with egg sharing at gcrm. On the Web is said bmi of 27 but I am approx 30, they did weigh me but never really mentioned it again x
am just on metroformain and waiting on period. Am getting more scared by the day. It feels good to.help another family at the same time, infertility runs so deep x


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## natclare (May 27, 2011)

Hello Djjimm, I hope you have had some good advice on here so far. I would personally consider egg share, if you are allowed on the program (and of course if you feel that you would be happy to be a donor - I did this twice and felt very positive about it indeed) because the chances are better than IUI. However I would also say consider IUI - I personally know ladies who had IUI successfully and age is certainly on your side. You may find with IUI that it costs you more (although less invasive clearly) as you wouldn't need so much sperm. I have previously been in contact with LWC although not had treatment via them and found them to be good, perhaps better in the North where you are than in London? They have their own bank. I used DS from xytex in America. I guess, it totally depends on what you feel you need to know in terms of your donor... Either which way I found it just fascinating to see the marketing presentation from LWC and how they select their donors. You really understand how many people get rejected from the process so your donor has passed a huge amount of testing to even get to where he is. I wish you all the very best with your treatment. xx


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Thanks for the advice natclare, I think I have decided to go via the egg sharing route at LWC in Darlington after doing a lot of research and getting advice from everyone on here. Hopefully I will be accepted! I live near Newcastle so it will mean an hours drive each way for treatment but they seemed so friendly when I phoned up for advice compared to the Centre for Life who were very negative towards the fact I was single. LWC has also had lots of positive comments from people who have had treatment there. Really wanted to book an appointment for an initial consultation there and then but I've decided to go to their open day in April first and go from there. 

Hope everybody's journeys are going well!xxxx


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Jessica
If I were you, rather than jacking your body full of drugs and risking associated side effects, I'd try as naturally as possible if you feel even a little bit patient, as you have no reason to suspect you won't get pregnant in the right circumstances.
Leave the tests and interventions for a bit later on, in case you've been unsuccessful for a few cycles.
Have you got a copy of 'Taking Charge of your Fertility' by Toni Weschler? It would be a good first step to get in tune with what your body does naturally - you can order sperm to your home at the right time of your cycle, after you've been charting a few months.
Another good book, before embarking on treatment, is called 'IVF an emotional companion', and it gives plenty of examples of people who have had treatment for a variety of reasons.
The reason I'd advise you to be cautious is that you still have time on your side, and you don't need to rush into heavily medically managed procedures - the side effects may be totally unexpected and unpleasant (I was hospitalized three times last year due to my treatment, but I was almost 36 when I started) and if you'd rather take a bit of time to consider whether you'd want to egg share or not, you still have a chance to do so later on.

Best of luck, whatever you decide! xxxx


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## jefnerf (Aug 28, 2012)

There seems to be a few of us in the north east, it'd be lovely to meet up if any other NEers fancy it


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

How if everyone doing? Just saw your last post jefnerf about meeting up. I would be up for that once I'm a little further on in the process. Going to open day at LWC on saturday, very excited (and only slightly nervous!)xx


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## jefnerf (Aug 28, 2012)

Ahhh let us know how you get on at the open day


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Thanks, open day went fab, everyone was so friendly! Booked my initial consultation for a week on Thursday. Very excited!xx


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## jefnerf (Aug 28, 2012)

Excellent news!  Good luck for your initial consultation!  x


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Thanks jefnerf! Hope things are going well for you!xx


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