# how to cope with a newborn in the family



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi ladies im looking for some support. I have a 6 year old from a previous relationship and been with my current partner for 5 years. We suffered an ectopic pregnancy 3 years ago and after been rushed in hospital with internal bleeding i had my right tube removed. 2 weeks ago i had my left tube removed due to hydro and scar tissue and i now need provate ivf which i cant afford right now. The thing is my partners brother and his gf is due to jave a baby in the matter of weeks and i dont know how to react. My partners mum is understandably exited s this will be her first biologocal grandchild. All the family know what we are going through and havnt mentioned the baby much but im really scared because im the kind of person to put on a fake smile and say im ok until i get home and cry. e dont see my partners brother much but arpund xmas time we spend tine with them and new year and i dont know how ill act. I dont want my partner or his family to think im been selfish but they seem to think because i have my son im not hurting as much but i am. My main worry is this child will be my partners niece and i understand that but if i see him holding baby ill geel so guilty i cant give him that i just feel so guilty and like ive done something wrong. Ive spoken to him and he said hes fine etc but men think and say things differently and i know seen that baby is going to make him more broody. I have no idea how to act or what to say when the babys here im struggling so much with it. I dont want them to think im been selfish i just vant help how i feel, anyone been through something simlar thanks x


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## rosesjoy (Feb 4, 2013)

Its a really hard situation but I do think you have to be honest with people and say that you're really happy for them but are just struggling right now with everything that is going on. I'm sure they will understand.


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## SarahScrafton (Nov 9, 2011)

I went through similar situation, both my sil were pregnant when we were going through our 4 years of ttc for baby no 2 and it was hard for one they didn't know what we were going through and 2 like you said even when we did tell them it's was asif it wasn't such a big deal as we had out daughter so we should be happy! The amount of ppl who said to me "oh at least you have one" I could have hit then there and then! Just because you have one does make your desire any less to have another one, I am truly great fully for my daughter but our family would have never been complete without a sibling for her. 
I agree that I would be honest with them and say you are really happy for them, but it's just a difficult situation to be around. 
Also on ivf point, we to we're in the same boat, with already having daughter we didn't qualify for any nhs funding for ivf. We to could not afford it and I started looking into other options, I don't know if you have heard of Egg Sharing before? It's we're you donate some of you eggs to couples who need donor eggs and in return you receive ivf a lot cheaper or free. We have had to egg sharing ivf cycles and i am currently 24 weeks, but i know how awful it is when lack of funds stand in your way. Feel free to message me if you have any questions.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

you will be ok their pregnancy will be worse than dealing with the baby. had similar dealing with my sister's latest lil' one ... couldn't cope with her being pregnant and was really scared when we went to see the baby but then it was fine he was just a new person in the family and it didn't matter at all how he came to be there. 
you will eventually find a way to afford the ivf i think lister have a draw where you can win it !? and then complete your family good luck x


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thankyou! Goldbunny congrats to your sister and i hope your right and im ok im so nervous about it all.
Sarah congrats on your pregnancy! Completely agree when people say you have a child already i could scream at them. I know its hard for people to understand when theyre not going through it. I think maybe i feel so bad because after having my last tube removed its all suddenly kicked in its only been 2 weeks. I just need to be strong and say how i feel but its hard to do that because i dont want people to think im been selfish. I even put a brave face on for my partner because he doesnt always understand. Thank god for sites like these


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