# EMBRYO TRANSFR WITHOUT YOUR PARTNER PRESENT



## babycat (Oct 6, 2006)

Hi

I have asked this on another thread but thought I would open it up to discussion.  I have had 4 icsi in the past 11 months (too much!) and my DF has been present for the ET each time.

However, if we now decide to go abroad and have his sperm frozen at the initial appointment I wonder if it would be easier for just me to go for the ET.  It might just be too difficult for us both to get a week off work with 36 hours notice but I think I am prepared to go on my own.

what do you think about this?  I am a very strong person mentally and as you are allowed to fly back the day after ET I wouldnt be away too long....

thanks

xxxx

p.s Am I sounding desperate yet


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## Grumpygirl (Oct 24, 2004)

Hi Babycat,
I've had 3 ETs now without DH as it has not been practical for him to be there, although I did have my Mum there for one and my DH's lovely cousin there for the other so I wasn't alone.

It is definitely do-able and there are plenty of us abroadies who've had to do it, due to the reasons you're mentioning and for us the fact that we've needed to go back several times due to BFNs.   If you feel strong enough and it's a short trip then go for it I say.

The only thing is that I missed DH and felt he should have been there ideally. But, having said that, he had done his bit (day trip to Greece just for a deposit one time!) and someone has to work and bring home the bacon. IVF is very disruptive and it's not always possible to have an ideal world scenario.

It's also cheaper to go alone. More shoe shopping opportunities! Especially if you're going to Spain.  

Best of luck,
Giggly
xx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I am single so have no DH to take, but take a friend for support, usually my donor's partner just for company and support. So if it is not feasible then do it.  I would say though that fresh sperm is supposedly better that frozen hence about half die in freezing process.


L x


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## babycat (Oct 6, 2006)

Thanks so much for your replies.

I was hoping I wan't weird in possible having it done on my own!  I have heard that there is no difference in the frozen or fresh sperm as we will be having ICSI and they choose the best looking ones anyway for fertilitsation.

I was hoping to have a baby before I was 40 but I think I will have to change that to hoping to have a baby in my 41st year!

We don't tell anyone now about our treatment. We did share our first to with close friends and family but I was shocked at some of the awful comments people would come out with so we don't tell anyone now.

Fingers crossed girls!

xxxxxx


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## bluebell (Dec 9, 2004)

Hello Babycat !
I have been twice on my own.  1st time fine, even tho tx didn't go ahead coz frostie didn't survive the thaw.  However, I wasn't really expecting it to and so wasn't too disappointed and actually had a breat time doing my xmas shopping etc.
Second time I went back to use what I thought might be a couple of my batch of 10 frosties.  However, we lost 9 and only got 1 transferred, so being on my own then was tough and I really wished DH was there to back me up as I had thoughts that there might have been malpractice. 
I think, as Giggles says, it depends whether you think you can cope. Even tho' I found it tough, I still know it was the right thimng for us for practical reasons. 
It wasn't all bad either ... for once in your life you can (apart from the tx!), do what you want, when you want, e.g. sip your coffee for as long as you want, go to whichever shops you want etc etc ... a rare treat for me anyway! 
If you don't want to go on your own, is there maybe a freind / relative that could go with you, like Giggles had ?
Good luck and let us know how you get on.
Bluebell xxx


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## babycat (Oct 6, 2006)

Thanks for the advice Bluebell and I am so sorry you had such a difficult time with the defrosting process.  did you take that any further?

We are going to save for a couple of months and have a holiday in Jan and then probably go to IVI alicante as they only have a 4 to 6 week waiting list.

ttfn
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## safarigirl (Feb 23, 2005)

just to add, i did my last transfer on my own, DH couldnt stay - it was fine ... the clinic were lovely to me, ordered me a taxi back to hotel, and i just rested - had mags and food available. I just realised it was something we had to do, as like you, DH couldnt just get notice, and i was absolutely fine with it.
Wishing you lots of luck with your next treatment


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## babycat (Oct 6, 2006)

Hi Safarigirl

How long did you stay after your ET. Did you just rest for the day before going home?  I would be in such a rush to get back. On my 4th ICSI last month I only had the day of ET and the day after off as holiday. I don't think it was long enough as I went back to a lot of stress at work.xxx


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## coconutkym (Dec 9, 2006)

do u want me to come with you? i love traveling and v good in crisis and organising taxi and hotels? i have been to barcelona for tx twice and now looking at other spanish clinics so could be a fact fnding visits for me. i could fly out with u and stay for tx day and next day?

ican get time of work no problem.


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## babycat (Oct 6, 2006)

Oh coco that is such a nice offer!  thank you but I think in the end I will be dragging my DF by force to join me!

xxxxx


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## safarigirl (Feb 23, 2005)

i think i stayed 2-3 days, but i know loads of people who come home on the same day - i think its just a preference, check with your clinic, they will not what is best.  Just pack light - so that you dont have anything too heavy to carry (I left all my mags there, took sample size shampoo etc, very few clothes, so only travelled with very light backpack ..)
well done on your weight loss .... and your fet is coming up soon, lots of exciting things for you!!!!


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## babycat (Oct 6, 2006)

Weight loss is constantly on my mind!  I only put on a few lbs with the last icsi but I feel like my body has taken a battering. Having done 3 icsi this year with 1 m/mc and a D&C I think my body has given up!!!!  Joined WW again and thinking of going to the gym....FET in Jan I think (not sure whether to use them as there are only 2 and I am not confident that they will even survive the defrosting). However, they are our last go with my own eggs so I will prob just use them. Sooooooooooo unconfident!  Also feeling a big black cloud come over me this week so fighting that!

Good news though is I might be offered a new job in the next few weeks which is in the same industry but based closer to home with less travelling. I wonder how they will react to me having 6 weeks off ill this year on my app?

Worry, worry, worry


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## RSMUM (Sep 3, 2003)

HIi - just wanted to add - I did my last transfer on my own too - actually I found it very relaxing as my DH is such a buzzy character, always working, on the phone etc., can't keep still.....I took a DVD player and lots of easy-watching DVD's and piles of trashy mags which I left at the hotel. I spent the whole day and evening after ET in bed ( had room service ) and thoroughly enjoyed treating myself ( in bed with non-alcoholic beer, pizza and David Tennant  - what more could a girl ask for?!    ).

I took taxis everywhere and flew back the next afternoon. Even though I had a very light bag I got as many people as I could to carry it for me ..put it in the overhead lockers on the plane etc.

Hope this is of some help...

Good luck with the new job and everything!

Rsmum X


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## bluebell (Dec 9, 2004)

Just quickly to say that I stayed for two whole days after ET the last time (ie left 3rd day after ET) and personally too like to have the me time and control over 'chilling'.  If you rush home it isn't quite so easy to prioritise yourself.  However, I think this is mostly for psychological welllebing as in reality I am sure it is unlikely to affect the outcome of tx whatever you do.  My clinic were very clear that it is fine even to fly back the same day as tx, so I think to do whatever is practical for you is best.  If you end up feeling stressed by trying to avoid stress, then you end up even more stressed, if that makes sense !
Good luck,
Bluebell xx


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## three_stars (Jan 19, 2006)

Hi there,  Just saw your post and see you have had many replies and even am over of a travel partner!  

I have gone to almost every treatment on my own usually with my DD ( 4 yr old).  The best was the two tx where she did not come or where the EX left with her the day of ET.  As several have mentioned.. a rare treat to just laze around for two days!!!!!!

I can't vouch for the pure science behind this but my last clinic insists that either I leave the same day as ET ot wait fo rtwo days as most all implantations fall on day 2 or 3.  So if you are rushed for time then come back home night of ET or enjoy the little break and wind down from the stress of treatment before coming back to everyday life.  If you can afford it take the whole week!  It will make the 2www go by faster.  

Good luck
b123


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## Liss (Sep 7, 2007)

Hello

I hope you don't mind me crashing your thread but I just wanted to say, you ladies are a total inspiration and THANK YOU!  I'm living abroad and find it a bit tough at times (as my DH has to travel a lot).  You make new friends of course but they're not quite the same as the ones back home or family. 

I was actually feeling quite proud of myself for reassuring him I will be fine injecting without him (he's got to go away to China for work for 2 weeks) but you lot put me to shame!!!      

Hats off to you ladies!  I think you're all v. brave!

Wishing you all LOL, bubbles and babydust,

Liss xxx


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## babycat (Oct 6, 2006)

RSMUM

I really hope this one stays the whole way for you....12 goes is outrageous and you must be unbelievably strong. I feel terribly depressed at the moment as 4 goes havent worked and I am enjoying the time off from all the treatment!  It has put a tiny strain on a perfect relationship as I tend to be much more emotional than usual and cry after 1 glass of wine (would normally take at least 1 bottle!!!)

We have decided to do the frozen ET in Jan and as that is a long protocl that should be over by the end of Feb one way or the other. If it hasnt worked then I expect to be starting DE round about March. 

At the moment all I can think about is xmas!  Much more pleasant eh?

ttfn
xxxxx


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## Pia H (Oct 23, 2007)

Hi - I had my first and only ET (So far) on my own.  I'm a strong person so I found it ok.  Actually I would do it alone next time as well in preference.  I think I would have cried if he were there.


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## RSMUM (Sep 3, 2003)

Babycat - Ah thanks so much hun for your kind words....all I can say is, for us, I think it has made us stronger as a couple....sort of thrown us together in this battle if you like....allis going wel so far, another scan on Monday and then maybe I'll begin to believe it.

OOh I haven't even begun to think about Xmas! EEk!

XXXto you all


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