# Golden Christmas Crackers



## Debs

Hi girls,

Welcome to your new home  

I didnt do very well searching your previous suggestions so for the moment you are what I have named you - but we have the technology to change that  

Any problems - give me a shout  

I will put a redirection post on your old thread so hopefully everyone finds their way here.

Love

Debs xxx


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## Tommi

Thank you Debs! Love the name!

From the other thread... hi Jillyhen! Good luck with the classes!  

Great news Mrs P! That sounds like an ordeal with all those early mornings but hopefully you'll have lots more ahead of you for a very different reason!   I have everything crossed for you    

Txx


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## MrsPootle

Thanks Tommi!  Having a lovely rest day.... wish I had a few more ahead!!


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## Vickytick

Hi everyone love our new name 

*jillyhen* good luck with classes from what I hear thy are not as bad as scaremongers make out. Fingers crossed. X

*mrsp* good luck with ec i bet you ar desperate for a rest after all this sendings lots of  your way for lots of eggies. X

Helped everyone is well.

*afm* had adoption evening last week and it was really positive so we're v happy  waiting or a home visit. Bit of a dilemma as Barts called today and looks like I could do final cycle in jan they are pushing it due to my age. BUT still waiting for london nhs mc clinic referral which could take months but bars are willing to do some of the tests prior to my starting but not genetic. I've had both last mc foetus tested for genetic an nothing was found to be wrong. Thinking we o the Barts tests then do the IVF ?

X


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## A J

Just dropping by to say hi now we have our new home...thanks Deb xx

Mrs P....so glad things are moving along in the right direction. Keeping fingers crossed everything goes to plan from now on- you deserve a bit of success after the hard time you have had recently xx 

Love to you all...catch up tomorrow properly

AJ xxx


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## MrsPootle

Just a little note to say thanks for the good wishes everyone.  We got 19 eggies (a personal best  )!
Oddly, the clinic are performing ICSI on around 6 or 7 and IVF on the rest.  Apparently, it should give a higher fertilisation than on our own (although we have hit 70% before but I won't argue).  On lots of paracetamol as a bit sore - the left ovary probably produced most of my crop but other than that, it's back to pessies (ugh) tonight.


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## A J

Way to go Mrs P!!!! Chuffed for you hun...that a fantastic number    Lets hope nature is working its wonders right now xx


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## MrsPootle

Thanks AJ - me too!! xx


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## Tommi

That's great news Mrs P! Come on eggs!    
Txx


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## Jillyhen

Hello everyone

Loving our new home & new name..

Thank you for all your well wishes on our adoption journey..

I havent really been on ff that much but you are all in my thoughts & prayers..

Wow mrs p brilliant crop

A J what happening with you now hun?

Tommi hows things??

Vicky, you need to decide if you want to try another ivf or adopt!! When we had th social worker round last year we had to make that decision.. AS you know we went on to have 2 more cycles of ivf..

Our adopton journey has started attended our 1st course on Tuesday.. So much to take it.. We are ttc naturally so will see how thst goes.

Must go and get some work done.. Wish i was at home curled up on sofa..

Hope you have a lovely weekend

Jillyhen xx


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## MrsPootle

Jillyhen - I *am* curled up on the sofa    Glad the session went well x

Vickytick - Tricky decision ahead then?  My advice would be to keep all options open for as long as you can - but then, I hate making difficult decisions. x

Tommi - Thanks for your good wishes x

Right, had MAJOR meltdown - honestly, I was being such a big MESS of hormones yesterday, couldn't stop crying & was being very negative.  Much better today.  Heard from the clinic and 5/6 fertilised with ICSI and 6/13 with IVF - so 11 embies and we lost one overnight and the others are bang up to date with where they should be (2-4 cell) and even a racer at 6 cell - must be all the F1 action I've watched lately!  

So I've been advised tomorrow is transfer day.  I don't know if I get 2 back or not, they were talking about 1 on day 3 and 1 on day 5.  I just don't know if my nerves would hold out for a blast when I've never got there before.  If we did, I think I'd rather freeze it, but I think I'll go with whatever they decide tomorrow after a chat.  Actually for once just feel I want them back - never felt that way before!

Seen no magpies in the last few days.  Phew.  Got another early start tomorrow... then hopefully time to myself til OTD (not sure when it is but I guess a week on Wednesday).  Also got to have a think about going back to work... ugh!  I've got used to being at home, I'm gonna miss it.

Anyway - have a great weekend - and I'll keep you posted xx


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## A J

Oh Mrs P...keeping everything crossed for you tomorrow. I'm sure whatever they will suggest will be the right thing and as you say put your feet up a bit xx

Vicky...i dont think I could make that decision and thats why we haven't looked into adoption quite yet although we are getting closer to it. After my counselling session this week I have realised how exhausted I am with this journey and doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results really is insane   yet, I cant give up the chase. Just finding it so hard to sum up the strength to do it all over again. I agree that holding on to all options as long as possible sounds like the best choice for now xx

Jillyhen...lovely to hear that you are getting on well with the adoption process- I so hope its less painful than the ivf journey xx

How's everyone else doing?

I'm having cramping pains today 2 weeks after ERPC which seems strange but of course the actual m/c started over 10 weeks ago so have absolutely no idea what is happening with my body. My clinic want me to wait for 2 af's before cycling but no idea whats going on its driving me nuts!! On a lighter note I am going on a shopping weekend with a bunch of women....love my retail therapy  

Hoping you all have a fab weekend and are coping better with the humbug time than last year (personally, I have blanked it out and even the shopping this weekend is going to be for me....naughty I know, but oh, so nice   )

AJ  xx


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## Vickytick

Well done mrs p fingers crossed for the eggies 

*aj* love a bit of retail therapy plan on one of my own this weekend although I've already got dh present. Hope you are feeling better.

*jillyhen* goo advice but I'm Pisces through and can't make decisions. Glad the first session went well. 

Hello to everyone else hope you're well
*afm* as jillyhen says I need to make a decision but we can have the home visit without committing ourselves. We have decided if IVF is march then it adoption for us as I want to be a mummy more than the drive for my own child.

Xx


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## Mojo72

Hi Ladies,
Glad to hear everything is going well for you Mrs P
I'm glad you enjoyed your first training session for adoption Jillyhen. It is intense and an emotional experience but the social workers need to see if you are fully committed and realise what you are taking on.
aj and vicky - I understand how you are feeling. It took me a long time to decide to go down the adoption route. I wanted to keep trying with IVF but the tx has flared up underlying conditions I didn't even know I had! My DH told me he couldn't stand seeing me in any more pain and getting depressed everytime things didn't work out. It was a very hard decision but I have always wanted to be a mum and know we can give children a good quality of life. 
Even now when we are three quarters through the training I have days when I doubt my abilities (but that's just me - doubting thomas).
I hope everyone else is OK.


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## MrsPootle

Very quick as I'm meant to be relaxing and not googling!!!
All went SOOO well today.  2 x 7 cell embies described as 'very good' transferred today.  I was strapped into the stirrups and tipped back, so there was nowhere to go but up the uterus and, it was quite fun!!  Also, they are asking Mr T (top dog) if on Monday, should I have any left for blast, about the possibility of transferring a third.  Not sure why this has suddenly changed (I'd asked for 3 originally but told I can only have 2), but I would go for 3 given this is likely to be the last go.  Otherwise, I'll be happy to freeze it/any (it would be a miracle if I get that far)!

So all really super.  Just got to relax and while away the time to OTD..... 

Hope everyone is ok - it's lovely to see everyone's plans taking shape xxx


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## Vickytick

Hi ladies how is everyone?

*Mrsp* hope you are resting with your embeds did we get 3 in the end? Do you know when otd is yet? Exciting stuff  xx 

*aj* your body has been through so much it going to take time to get over it but hopefully you can try again soon.

*mojo72 and jillyhen* glad the adoption process is going well. Lets face it if we can get through IVF we can get through anything I reckon. Thinking of you both ladies.

*tommi* hope you are okay.

*Afm* I'm waiting for Barts, st Mary's and the adoption agency all to call. The first for more blood tests, the second for my first nhs mc appt and the third for our home visit. No news yet so just waiting as is the life of a ttc lady xx


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## MrsPootle

Ah Vickytick - waiting - do we ever stop Sounds like you have all bases covered!!  In the end we had just 2, but I'm very pleased with the two I got.  I will be honest and say that not getting to blast was a tiny disappointment, but I'm feeling really well.  OTD is 6th December via blood test.  May test the day before, or not.  All depends how the rest of the week goes.....

Will keep you all posted!!

Mojo -  meant to say hello on my last post... lots on my mind but I'm very pleased the adoption process is going well for you.  Don't doubt yourself - you'll make a terrific parent 

Bye for now!


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## Vickytick

Jut a quick one for *mrsp* hope the wait is going okay. Xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Sorry for going awol ladies....I forgot our thread had moved!!! Thought youd all gone really quiet then I remembered!!! Lots to catch up on.... Mrs P, great news on the 2 embies. Ive got everything crossed for you my lovely. Not much longer to go until otd!!! Eeek!!! 

Jillyhen and mojo, so pleased your first adoption session went well. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you both become mummies very soon.

Vickytick, sounds like you have made the right decision, trying another round of ivf before going down the adoption route.I hope you hear from all 3 soon.

Aj, how are you? Has the cramping stopped?

Tommi, hope you are well?

Afm, Noah is growing lots and now has the most chubby cheeks!! 

Big hugs to you allxxxxx

Hi to everyone else.


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## MrsPootle

Hi ladies,

Firstly - thanks for thinking of me! Bit of a desperate me post coming up!

Warning though! Negativity claxon! Negativity Claxon!!  And yes TMI claxon too!!
I had a Rocky Road chocolate today because the last 12 hours have been positively a nightmare. 
The song 'Come What May' being on the radio seemed very prophetic too.... 

Went away to Dad's to celebrate 60th this weekend and am 8dp3dt as of today.
Started to slightly go 'knicker-checking-crazy' yesterday, bracing myself every time I went to the loo.
Well, was about to go to bed, popped to the loo - not actually thinking about knicker checking for a change. And volia!
Bright red blood streak on wiping!! I wasn't upset just numb with disbelief!
My folks know we are having treatment but I've been leaving it all a bit vague as I don't want anyone really knowing when we will test etc, so I was forced into telling them we'd probably have to leave first thing once I'd talked to the clinic.

Strange thing was - I was as sick as a dog in the middle of the night and have been really nauseous all day.  The spotting appeared to stop during today, but I've just had a nap and there are indications that I'm gonna have another spell this evening.

Spoke to the clinic this morning - they are excellent.  The nurse said she'll get my file out and go over things with the doctor, my progesterone might have dropped so prepare to come in tomorrow to get it tested - she'll ring me back.  I'm still waiting on the callback - but I'm going in to get it checked tomorrow regardless.  She said it could well be implantation and it's really common so try not to panic.  It could also be a sign of multiple birth!  The only thing I didn't mention though was the sickness (I thought I'd been ill as part of a stress reaction to all my dreams going literally down the toilet).

It's the sickness I'm feeling that I am clinging my feeble hopes onto that this time it's different.  Part of me thinks its over though - but I'm trying to keep positive.  I really hate going thru this!!    I desperately don't want this to be over just yet      But if I'm honest the pains feel like AF cramps (although if I'm really honest - I don't get period pains EVER).

So I'm really, really confused... but trying to remain calm!

Hope your Sunday is going better than mine!

Lots of love MrsP xxx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Oh Mrs P....the 2ww is awful isnt it? Try not to give up yet (I know that is easier said than done). I had spotting/bleeding just after getting my bfp and I also had period like cramps during my 2ww. Its hard to find the right balance between being hopeful and being reaslistic isnt it? I hope that you dont have to wait too long to get your call back and that the clinic can put your mind at rest/call you in to get your progesterone levels checked before OTD. Im thinking of you. 

Big big hugs....and you have some more rocky road if it helps.


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## MrsPootle

Thanks PP.  That's good to know - and yes, more Rocky Road may be required!!  Noah sounds like he's coming along in leaps and bounds - love hearing your updates.  Just wish I could stop googling the 2ww!! And even colour of implantation bleeding!  It was strange as I'd convinced myself I wouldn't freak out - partly as my post-bleed from my hysteroscopy was exactly like my period, but turned out to be my cervix bleeding.  I thought 'remember this for later'.  No appetite now but drinking loads of water.

Ah well, looks like a night in front of the telly again and off to the clinic tomorrow.


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## Vickytick

*mrsp* you are not  for knicker checking or stressing about it. However calm we think we are going to be we never are which is completely normal for our situation. Hopefully ARGC can ease some concerns tomorrow and help. It could be implantation so as pp says not give up yet.  Just say no to  xx


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## A J

Mrs P...want to send you a massive hug     as I know how hard this blooming 2ww can be. I honestly think the symptoms you are having are positive signs   spotting, slight af type cramps and a sickiness are def really good signs (yes, even the show of blood). I know you have probably worn Dr Google out by now but hang in there my lovely. Just a few more days before OTD xxx


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## MrsPootle

Thanks everyone.  It's been a dramatic day.

Had lots of lovely messages from everyone about the bleeding to the extent I was feeling pretty relaxed about it and ready to do some Christmas shopping in London.  Anyway, just got to Carnaby Street when my phone went and it was my blood result.  My progesterone has fallen to 17.4!!!! Jesus!!! So instructions were to up the pessies from 2 to 3 and start gestone injections.  And bedrest from now on.

Was quite amused by this initially (particularly the comical ooh-matron bum injection administered in John Lewis loos), but now keep thinking that this may have scuppered the whole thing.  Partly as DH is really of this opinion.  Keep telling myself it should rectify and 17.4 is probably enough to support what is needed.  But I don't know that for a fact!

Can only sit this one out and hope.  Thanks so much for your good wishes - it's really helping me hang in there.  Bleeding was v v light at lunchtime and only watery brown discharge this morning.  Since it seems to be slowing down.

They are testing me again tomorrow to see if it's risen.  It better had!!!

Lots of love Mrs P xxx


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## MrsPootle

Scratch that - great big sticky clotty red bloods on wiping.  I hate this. PMA, PMA, PMA!!!
Honestly.  I think it's blown.  But I won't hit the wine til Thursday and my hcg result is back....
PMA PMA PMA!


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## A J

Mrs P     hang on my lovely, a few more days xxxx


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## Penelope Pitstop

I second what AJ says Mrs P....bleeding doesnt mean its over and hopefully the increaes in progesterone from pessaries and injection will help little embies to stay put. Sending you big big hugs. xxx


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## MrsPootle

BAD NEWS CLAXON!!

Ok.  Just heard from clinic.  Progesterone looking much better at 120 - I even said 'wow, that's a relief' and sensed a 'but' coming.  Given the level yesterday they decided to bring forward and do an HcG test without my knowledge (charming eh?).  This confirms that I'm not pregnant.  So BFN @ ARGC chalked up - but, as anyone who knows what I've been going through, I'd pretty much worked that out myself!

I'm feeling ok - partly as I cried from when I got up and all the way into London today.  I'm sure there's more in the post, but I can now try to move on and get myself in a better place for Christmas (last year's misery clearly just a trial run).  Got my follow-up on 3rd January. New Year, new start - more decisions.  We had planned this as our final attempt but will wait to hear what the clinic says.  I need to win the lottery to afford another go.

Oh dear.  Heroes to zeroes.  It's all a bit much isn't it?

But it gives some clarity to the situation.  I can now hoover and not bedrest.  I can't believe that's a plus!!  They said my period might be very heavy and to be prepared for that.  Am a bit livid that we weren't given extra progesterone support given my history, but I haven't got the energy.  And to be honest, I didn't think a full bleed would start as quickly as it did.  Ho hum.

Thanks so much for your support. I'll be back on again over the hols no doubt whatsoever!!  Love you guys xxx

Lots of love MrsP xxx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Mrs P my heart goes out to you. I am so so sorry that its a bfn for you. I dont know what to say to ease the pain and heartache my lovely, but just know that we are here for you. 
xxx


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## Tommi

Oh Mrs P I am so, so sorry to read this. Life is so unfair  
As PP says, we are here for you.
Txx


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## MrsPootle

Thank you so much Tommi & PP - it means an awful lot to have people reach out to you.


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## A J

Mrs P I'm so, so sorry hun...I don't have the words to express it properly or to make you feel any better but as PP has said-we are here for you. Keep posting and sharing to help you through this time. Rant, scream, cry whatever it takes.
Loving you loads back...you deserve as we all do, so much more than this xxx


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## Tommi

Mrs P - how are you doing today?  
Txx


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## MrsPootle

Thanks AJ!!  I think you know me well enough to know I'll take every ranting opportunity  

Hi Tommi, I'm good today - I almost think I'm coping WAY too well.  I still feel a sunny disposition on this fertility malarkey, even though I am pretty much decided I can't take another cycle. I have this mad idea that the ARGC might treat my immune issues whilst possibly giving us a chance to try naturally, or with a Clomid boost!!  Bleeding has dried up - v irritating.  And I did a hpt this morning, not expecting anything different but really to see it with my own eyes.  It helped me accept it.  Period definitely on its way though - my stomach looks like a balloon and I feel about to pop!  Got cramping too.  They said expect a heavy one.  Woke up at 6.30am but managed to achieve nothing.  Pondering going back to bed for an hour then I've got a night out planned with some of my hubby's work mates.  Weekend is away with DH, fixing the shack in Somerset - or more accurately slobbing out in front of a wood burner, drinking cups of tea and glasses of wine.  He is finding it hard too.  He said we will have ups and downs.  Thankfully we had a long chat last night to find that we are both feeling exactly the same way about treatment.  We both feel reservations about adoption at the moment.  Currently donor eggs are a no-no if my womb keeps killing embryos on a 100% success rate.  Typical!!

But yes, lots to think about.  How are you doing?

Lots of love MrsP xx


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## Vickytick

*mrsp*so sorry to hear this and feel awful that I've only just found out (note to self poor ff back of class) I was really hoping you'd be our next success story as boy do we need them on this thread. Remember I'm only down the road and free most days so if you want/need a face to face catch up I'm always here hun.

Hello to everyone else hope you are all okay?

Xxx


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## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

Sorry ive been awol.. Ive logged in a few times and had a quick read.

Mrs P im so sorry to read your news..

AJ hows things??

pp hope all is well with you.

mojo have you finished your adoption preparation course??

All quiet with me... Just waiting to hear from the social worker about starting our home study.. Fingers crossed we wont have long to wait.
Have had a bit of a bad week very weepy but then again the aul witch has reared her head and being naughty.. im in so much pain so i doubt it will be a quiet weekend for me.

Jillyhen x


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## Vickytick

Lovely to hear from you jillyhen  

Hope everyone is doing okay and just busy Christmas bees. Xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Hi all. How is everyone....its quiet on here at the moment, hope everyone is ok. xx


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## MrsPootle

Hi ladies,
Only me again!  Not too much to report - time seems to be going either very slowly or whizzing past.
Got myself a session booked at a counsellor.  We seem to be facing a different set of questions this time around and I've found them so helpful before.  I'll go on my ownsome though - DH isn't a fan but that's men for you.  He appears to be suffering more than I've noticed before.  Small things like I'll catch him in a world of his own with a sad look on his face.  He's being so supportive though. And talking alot of sense - don't try to rush your feelings, don't expect too much of yourself.  People keep telling me how strong I'm being - that's usually a bad sign that I'm bottling things up but on this occasion I don't think I am.
Spending far too much time googling and on FF though!  I can while away the hours researching my position and I don't think that's the best way to go. So, from tomorrow I really am going to limit it to an hour a day on things fertility-related and attempt to throw myself into Xmas stuff.  I was meant to do my cards and present wrapping and I've done neither.  But on the plus side I have done some yoga and a Davina workout so that made me feel much better.  And I've ate really well today too. So I'm pleased about that.
Bit upset to discover that, joining all the dots, my thyroid problem could be causing the lack of ovulation and I now realise that the whole PCOS thing (I recently found out I have the syndrome but not the cysts) might also contribute to that.  My hope is that I can turn my attention to fixing that (Clomid, Metformin) which should up my chances of a BFP.  It's a concern that keeping the positive is my other problem, but it's likely if it happened within a year that I could go and get immune treatment from the ARGC.  Plus, the humira treatment I had should keep the cody baby-friendly, although the recent outcome doesn't make me whoop with joy!

Anyway, enough of me - hows everyone else?

x


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## Vickytick

*MRSP* Just a quick from me re your lack of ovulation. That was one of my first problems and the clinic just put me on Clomid (didn't work) but have you ever had your prolactin checked out? Basically it controls ovulation and I found out Oct 2011 that mine was not working so take drugs every day to help. Now I'm ovulating in fact I got my natural BFP two months after starting the drugs and it helped massively with IVF numbers on the last go. I just have not gotten pg since and I know we can't be doing  wrong as we've had enough practice lol. The dr says its just time but I have other issues so no thats not all it is.

Hello to all you other lovely ladies.

xx


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## MrsPootle

Yep - had a whole month of tests on prolactin in 2009 when they thought that might be the problem and drew a blank as everything ok.  Mine might be pcos and thryoid related I think - but if I'm honest - I'm just stabbing in the dark - youch!  But thanks for mentioning it anyway.  Clomid didn't work for me either but it was early on when I was a bit naive about the pros and cons - i.e. drying up, erm, down there and that sometimes it changes when you ovulate so I might have missed the big day!

Well, after a yo, ho, ho, ho day yesterday my positivity has disappeared.  Struggling to do anything and I have a nice evening out planned tonight so I really should get out the smile, apply wine and volia - happy me!  But I don't think it's gonna be that easy.  Where has the sunshine gone too


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## A J

Just popping on to say hi...hope everyone is doing ok? Roll on New Year and new opportunities...lets get Crimbo out of the blooming way xx


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## MrsPootle

Hear, hear!  Hows you a j ?


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## A J

Mrs P...not too bad hun ta. I (like all of us) was hoping for a different outcome this year...but, hey, ho... not going to give up yet! I hope you are doing ok my lovely? xx

I had a huge barney with DH the other day when his children always come into it. He is angry that his eldest son wants nothing to do with him, whereas the youngest one dotes on him. Its the ex wife's fault but I get the backlash and am blamed for not having a relationship with the youngest...all a bit complicated. But bottom line is I hate the fact that he has children when I cant. He is on my side with the fertility but there is no getting away from the fact that he already had children to buy presents for and spend time one of them with on Christmas eve. He goes around his families houses and does the whole 'look what a good Dad I am' while I am in bits..... 

Anyway, enough of me moping. Christmas morning we are off....to Scotland in the campervan without a member of his family in sight. With a bit of luck there wont be a signal on his mobile phone either (oohh...I sound like a real *****)...huge lack of Crimbo spirit here  

AJ xx


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## Vickytick

*aj* I understand as you know I'm in the same boat but we are actually having ss round for Xmas eve and day so he'll wake up here in the morning. Tough one as I really want to be doing the whole has he been with my children not someone else's. ( but what doesn't break us makes us stronger. Xx


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## A J

Vicky...love what you wrote at the end xxx

We are all amazingly strong. Our turn to have that Xmas morning as a mummy to our own child (however he or she may come along)  will come....keep the faith chick. 

I hope you get through the day this year ok, not easy hun I know      xxx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Hi everyone
I hope you are all well? Im not going to wish you a merry christmas as I know that Christmas is a very difficult time of yearcand that it wont be a happy occassion until you are all mummies. I hope that the day is bearable and that if you are with friends and family that they are supportive and sensitive. Be selfish and look after youselves and Oh's. 
I am praying that next year is a better year for you all and that all your dreams come true and you all become mummies. 
Big big non christmas hugs
PP xxxxx


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## Vickytick

*PP* What lovely words thank you and have a lovely first Christmas as a family. xx


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## A J

PP...thank you hun. I hope this Christmas is everything you imagined and more...you deserve it!     

The time will come for the rest of us too  xxxx


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## MrsPootle

PP - enjoy your Xmas with the little one!

Had night out with old workmates last night & nursing a sore head today. Got back to find boiler broken, a couple of sliw leaks in the bathroom so currently watching a British Gas man do his magic. Had a great night & although larged it, avoided being an emotional mess!

Anyway, Happy Christmas one & all, lets hope 2013 is a corker (assuming the world doesn't end today! )  xxxxx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Thank you for your kind wishes. 

Mrs P, hope hangovr isnt too bad?!? xx


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## CKay

Hello all just touching base!  Been away for a while.  Update for us is the adoption route too we're waiting on date for initial home visit in the new year - then course date.  It is a ruddy slow process.  Mrs P    I've been catching up on all the news and a big   to you.  Am currently ill in bed with flu    CKay xxx


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## MrsPootle

Merry Xmas one & all.
Just wrote a much longer message but lost it.
Chalking up another Xmas to struggle thru for a new set of reasons seems far from good but I'm trying to make the best of it. Not easy though!
Hope that 2013 is a goodie for us all xx


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## A J

I'm with you Mrs P...2013 has to be a better one for us all!
I hope you are all having an ok day today? A few more hours and we will have seen it through & a few more days a new year and new opportunities xxx 

Been a bit eventful for me so far. Left South Wales this morning with DH and the pooch in our campervan heading for a week in Scotland....all going lovely until we stopped at services in Crewe and the van wouldn't start! 4 hours later we are still in the tow truck heading back home! No dinner been eaten, restaurant cancelled tonight so try & find a takeaway open later. On a brighter note....escaped the Crimbo family gathering for this year xxx


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## MrsPootle

Oh blimey A J - we've had car issues - oil light coming on/off and then on continuously.  So car parked outside my Dad's - and until it's fixed we are stranded!  We had a stop where we were about to call the AA when the light first went on and then it went mysteriously off!  Then we had, on, off, on, off, on and off and ON....  Oh the fun of the Xmas fair eh??  But all in all, the black clouds have lifted for Xmas Eve to now, I'm sure they will be back, but for now, things are ok.    
Hope you have a less stressful Boxing Day - we are out for a stomp plus trying to get a garage to look at the car (fun)!


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## Mojo72

Hi Everyone,
Hope everyone got through Christmas unscathed! Ours wasn't too bad this year, but I found myself getting very emotional several times between Christmas Eve and Boxing Day at unexpected moments eg an advert on TV, a present given to me from a friend, a Christmas card with a nice message in.  
We told our respective sets of parents about our decision to go down the adoption route over the last few days. Shocked was the understatement of the year! A lot of questions have been asked in the last two days, once they started to get used to the idea. It will take them a while to get their heads around it all. We have been through the training, all of the case scenarios, had our views of parenting challenged and questioned and given an understanding of attachment disorder, which they haven't.
Being able to communicate about the process is making me feel better, even if I did get very upset tellling them. I felt like a failure not being able to have my own family naturally  . As CKay said it's a ruddy slow process though.
Take care. Not long now to a new year and hopefully one full of good news for us all.


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## Vickytick

Sorry I've not been on ladies but haven't had Internet since last sat, finally got new router yesterday (funny how quick thy can be when you threaten to change providers) so now im back in communication with the world. Tbh it was quite nice not being able to use **. On top of that weve had ss a lot of the last week as his new little brother was caught up in an awful fire accident at home and is in hosp in London so we've taken him up to see the baby etc. All a bit of a chaotic world at the moment.

Anyway I've been thinking about you all and hope you managed to survive Xmas okay. Just NYE now then back to normality. I hate NYE as much as Xmas because its all the idea of hope etc but each year it's getting worse not better. 

Sorry to hear bout your car trouble AJ and MRSP hope it gets fixed soon. 

Lovely to hear from from you MOJO72 glad things are going well on the adoption front. Once everyone gets over the shock they'll embrace it as you say you've had the training they haven't.

CKAY. Boo to feeling poorly but yay to home visit in jan.

Xx


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## Tommi

Hello ladies!    
So sorry it has taken me so long to post on here. I hope that Christmas hasn't been too much of a challenge for everyone. I got through it OK mainly by focusing on food... pottering about the kitchen really soothes me so the house is still full of baking and I'm now dragging people in off the street and forcing them to eat...!  
I'm off to Serum in Jan and starting to feel really nervous about it    I'm sure I'll feel better once I'm there and have met Penny. 
I have been thinking of you all and I'm sorry not to have been much support recently. I have particularly missed my little bean. I made a Christmas bouquet with some cuttings from the woods (ivy, holly, spindle and yew) and left it by the memorial for unborn babies in a local graveyard. It felt good to do.
Thinking of you all for New Year - let's hope it brings the very best for all of us   
Txx


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## Vickytick

*Tommi* I love th idea of having an unborn baby memorial I wish our church had one it outs give me somewhere to go to focus. We have brought a candle which we light for each special occasion ie due dates, mc dates etc. the counsellor recommended it and it really helps.

Just want to say Happy New Year to you all. Thanks for your enduring support over the last year it's meant a lot and I felt like you ladies have helped me loads. We've been through a lot. Really hope that 2013 is lucky for us all and we can join *PP* in becoming mothers whichever route we take.

Ill toast you all. Here's to a great 2013.

Xxx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Just wanted to wish all you lovely ladies a wonderful 2013. I have everything crossed that this year all your dreams will come true and you will all become mummies. 

xxx


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## A J

Tommi...what a lovely thing to do having a special memorial. Everytime I visit my Mum and Dad's grave I say a prayer for the babies that I have lost and ask Mum and Dad to look after them...that helps me and its so important that we find a way that works for us xx

Ckay and Mojo...lovely to hear from you both- sending you both   xx

MrsP...hope your ok hun? Did you manage to get your car fixed? It took 3 days to find a garage to fix the camper which turned out to be something really simple so just came back from a couple of days away in Pembroke xx

PP... Thank you for sticking with us on our journeys to our dreams xx

Vicky..I couldn't say it any better myself xx I love the idea of the candle that you have bought, I may try it too xxx

Big hello and hug to everyone else... 

Here's wishing each and every one of us a year ahead in which all our dreams will come true in whichever form they take- out with the old, bring on the new. Happy New Beginnings my lovely, special friends without whom I would have been so lost at so many times. Love to you all    xxxxx


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## MrsPootle

Hi everyone,

Hope everyone had a good/bearable festive season.  I quite enjoyed mine, but I just had to tell myself I wouldn't let the BFN issues spoil another Xmas.  It worked (most of the time)...  Anyway, new year, new start etc, etc... for me it's sell-up up north, get a job, buy a house down south.  Those aims I can be sure of... as for everything else....

I had my follow-up today, whilst dreading it - it was fairly positive.  Basically, at the end of an (eye-wateringly expensive) cycle they are still classing our issues as unexplained.  Interestingly, they think the annovulation is a red herring - given really, it's hard to prove without daily blood testing - it might be that I am ovulating very late some months (which in turn will lead to a short luteal phase I guess).
So, long term - definitely worth another shot and they would involve intralipids and/or IVIg this time around (my NK cells appeared to have behaved - but they think this might actually be hiding something else going on so they would treat it as per non-behaving cells!).  This will be cycle number 5 - so I'm just not sure financially and emotionally if I can go there.  But time will tell.

In the meantime, there is no identifiable reason for why it isn't working, so we were told we should try naturally.  I asked about monitoring with ARGC when I ovulate and timed intercourse but really the doc said it's far cheaper to make sure we are doing it every 2-3 days ad infinitum!!!  And I'm all for saving cash.  The doc also was of the opinion that I'm borderline PCO syndrome but deffo have polycystic ovaries (the latter has never been mentioned).  So I've got some metformin to be going on with.  And my thyroid is definitely a problem - so I'm armed with the results to go back to my GP to ask them to treat it.  Hubby was a bit upset when the doc said his sperm DNA frag test was in fact borderline, which we had been previously told was ok - he said it was not as good as one would expect for a man of his age.  So he suggested re-testing this, or to save wonga, do the required vits treatment 3 months prior to the cycle - if we decide to go ahead.

So this is just beginning to sink in - I have mixed feelings - pleased that another go would not be considered a bad idea - annoyed I'm not a millionaire and can't afford it until I go back to work and make some cash!  But I still have options, but I really want my head to be in a good place if I go down the cycle number 5 route!  But I've got some counselling planned for that.

And tomorrow - I have a job centre interview - they are gonna love me... not!  And estate agents to organise to view the old house... it never ends does it?  Sometimes I think my head will explode with all this worrying and thinking I do!

Anyway, a few personals:

Tommi - that's a lovely way to remember.  I'm into lighting candles in churches when I need to be close to loved ones.

PP - Happy New Year to you lovely! Hope you have a top year and little Noah is behaving!

CKay and Mojo -  Lovely to hear from you both and glad the adoption route is progressing.  I've got a friend who is going down that route rather than IVF and she is very excited that in Feb she may finally be approved!  Exciting times ahead...

Vickytick - hope you got thru the holidays ok - we will have that coffee sometime in Jan 

A J - The car was ok in the end - after we handed over £72 to get it checked out, the 'switch' is faulty (i.e. the oil pressure was fine).  So lots of worry for hubby over Xmas for nothing!  Poor thing.  We had loads of stress with plumbing leaks (of the slow type) in the old house.  Glad you got away - I was suggesting the same to my OH that we should just go off and do our own thing at Xmas.  

Happy New Year to anyone I have missed - you can smack my hand - ouch!!! That hurt!

Right, dinner calls!

Love to you all, and thanks for keeping me sane most of last year - you don't mind doing it again do you?

Mrs P xxx


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## Vickytick

Lovely to hear from you MRSP glad Xmas went okay and you survived. Prob not the news you wanted from ARGC but at least there is no really bad reason that means it'll never happen for you. You'll just have to   more. Although every 2-3 days would be a bit much for me it's not like we are all young an in the first throes of passion - lol.  Anyway let me know when you are ready for the coffee. Xx

Hello to everyone else. 

X


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## MrsPootle

Vickytick - that made me giggle - and blush!! Will be in touch about coffee - will know more by Monday as I'll have booked myself into estate agent hell crossed with 'job seeking'.... not sure if it's better or worse stress-wise than trying to get pregnant really....


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## Penelope Pitstop

Hi Ladies,

Just a quickie from me to see how you all are and how 2013 is treating you all so far?

xxx


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## Tommi

Hello all! 
This is just a quickie from me too... hope you're all having a stress-free time in 2013 so far. I'm off to see Penny in Athens on Tuesday. Starting to get excited! But still have a lot to do before I can leave. I'll let you know how it goes.
Thinking of you all!
Txx


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## MrsPootle

Good luck Tommi and hello PP - glad you are both well xxx


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## Vickytick

Good luck Tommi everything crossed for you. Xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Good luck with the trip to Athens Tommi. xx


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## CKay

And ditto that from me Tommi hope goes well.  Give Penny a hug from me.  Still waiting on ruddy initial first visit appointment to come through from adoption LA.  Trying to be patient but feeling v impatient just get on with it!!!!!!  DH and I may not be parents in 2013, but I do hope it happens by 2014.  Come on social workers!!!!  Sorry rant over! 

Happy new year all and big hugs    xxxx


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## Vickytick

*ckay* sorry to hear you are still waiting that's been a while now. Have you thought of giving them a friendly nudge? Xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

CKay, sorry to hear SS are being slow. I agree with Vicky, give them a gentle nudge ( or shove as is needed with most SS departments!! (I work with SS so know first hand how disorganised they can be so a quick phonecall to remind them you are waiting will not hurt!!))

Vickytick, just noticed your signature. Sorry if I have missed your post with the details, do you have a date for the op you need? 

Tommi, hope all is going well in Athens?

AJ, Jillyhen, Mrs P and Mojo, how are you all? 

xxx


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## A J

Just popping in to say hi to all my lovely ladies...hope you are all doing ok? 

CKay...how have you got on with that nudge. Fingers crossed things are on the move xx

Vicky...hope you are doing ok chick. I just saw your signature too..big hug   xx

Tommi...how did Athens go hun? Let us know when you get a chance xx

PP...I hope you had the most amazing Christmas, I'm sure you did xx

Mrs P....how are you doing my lovely? I hope the old head has slowed down a little. I'm exactly the same-If only I could shut my head up I'm sure my body would work properly sometimes   xx

Jillyhen...hope all is well with you chick? xx

Mojo...how's things? I hope your plans are coming along nicely? xx...

I hope 2013 is starting out the right way? Onwards and upwards!! 

I have started in a new school for a term which is going great (one week in) apart from the fact that my teaching assistant is about to become a grandmother for the first time and doesn't stop going on about it. In the staff room, all the staff are going on about babies and in my class all the kids are going on about babies, scans etc!! They have a sweep stake about weight, sex etc....it goes on and on. I have had to answer the usual questions 'do you have children' etc, etc. I have answered by saying 'not yet' with a polite smile and nobody says any more...its only my blooming head which thinks more into it all.

Anyway, love to you all

AJ xx


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## CKay

Vickytick, AJ and PP -Thank you and yes have decided tomorrow is the day for a gentle nudge DH going to ring.  It's a little frustrating, and we haven't even started the process yet this is just for an initial visit   .  Hope it isn't like this all the way through.


AJ - bear with   it's sometimes a challenge (or more than) at my work two new babies have been born.  People no longer ask me about having children I don't know what's worse   

  CKAY xxx


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## Tommi

Hello ladies 

Thank you for all your good wishes!

Vickytick - sorry to hear about the op you need. I hope that gets sorted out soon 

CKay - I gave Penny a hug from you! I hope things are moving for you 

AJ - schools are the worst aren't they?! Someone recently asked me if I have children and without thinking I said "not that are alive". Talk about conversation stopper!

Hi to PP and Mrs P, Mojo and Jillyhen and anyone else I have missed 

Athens was fabulous. I feel more and more positive about it with each day! Penny was great - she did an ultrasound and recommended I have the hysteroscopy with Dr Georgiou. I had that the next day and then went back to Serum to watch the horror movie DVD with Penny. Basically it showed lots of old, dead tissue being cut away and a big adhesion. One tube was totally blocked. He did a couple of quite long, deep implantation cuts. I keep watching the dvd. I'm so pleased I've had all the old dead stuff cut away. I have had two hystos in the UK and they didn't manage to spot all the dead stuff in there. Seriously, what do they do here??! Anyway, I'm much happier about my "baby room" now (as penny calls it!). And the Greek God of a porter was the icing on the cake!

Thanks for all your messages ladies  I hope things are going well for you all.

Txx


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## Vickytick

*tommi* lol you cheered me up with the comment about the Greek God sorry porter  glad it went well in Athens. Penny is very highly thought of. Isn't she the one who got Agate her baby? Fingers crossed it does the trick you deserve it. Well all the lovely ladies on here deserve a break. X

*ckay* they shouldn't be this slow for the initial visit our LA 'claims' they'll contact you within 7 days of your first contact. I suppose Xmas was in the way and they were probably all on holiday. Let us know how hubbie gets on.

*AJ* Glad you've got a good placement nice to have a bit of stability for a change. Schools eh a hotbed of gossip and women. Always someone to ask those questions. We've joined a gym and they asked what I did and I said I don't work his face was a picture. They either think we are rolling in it or I'm a lazy cow...I almost wanted to say I'm trying to have a baby. It's so hard not to comment sometimes. I hope it goes well and you enjoy it hun.

*pp* not sure I posted it on here. Had appt at RMC last week at St Mary's on the ultrasound they found I have a heartshaped uterus which can cause mc by stopping blood flow getting to the foetus which is what happens to me. No date yet for op but asked for cancellation but it'll be in next 6 weeks then 6 weeks hormone tmt then I can do next IVF cycle. So good news in a way but more delays. I'm 39 next month so old clock ticking loudly now.

Hello to jillyhen, mrsp (name the time for that coffee), and mojo I hope you lovely ladies are doing well.

Can't believe we've been here a year now but I couldn't do this without you. Shame we not all live down the road and could have coffee mornings. Xx


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## CKay

Tommi - this is great news,  I too had a Greek hysto and had lots of scar tissue from my UK ERPC (they didn't do a good job).  I share your thoughts on the DVD I still have mine, I don't watch it often though it's not a crowd pleaser   

Vickytick I agree I wish we all lived round the corner    would be so nice.

AFM - Well the gentle nudge from DH worked (should have done it sooner   ), later in the afternoon I got 2 suggested dates through for the initial visit.  One for next week one for week after.  I've gone for the week after as   next week a little busy so works out well.  Yippee I hope things start moving from then on for us!  CKay xxx


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## MrsPootle

Brill news CKay - I think Xmas just slows the world down - I'm convinced!!! x

Tommi - fantastic about the hysto - loved the quips about the horror movie and the Greek porter!  Glad it's looking good x

A J - Gah!  People eh?    I know I have felt recently like all the baby stuff (Royal baby in particular) is hard to bear.  I just read an article about Kate and when she was in King Edward VII on Dec 3 - yes, I know that Mr Newspaper as my world was on the verge of crashing down and all the paps were in the street next to my clinic - grr!!  Good luck with the new term - I'm sure things will settle down nicely. x

Vickytick - sounds encouraging that the docs have found something to try to fix in readiness for your next cycle.  Not forgot the coffee - I'm thinking next week?  I'll text you and this time keep to plans (job interviews are the only allowable excuse from me)!

Well.  What an odd week.  Got SUPER-stressed last week trying to work out what job hunting would keep the job centre happy, what estate agents I should pick to see at the weekend in Liverpool to arrange the house sale.  Glad to report that we now have signed up with an estate agent and the real fun starts.  All that negotiating was tiring.  I spent about 3 days updating my CV and have applied for 1 job and got my CV to an agency.  I work in IT so am hoping someone, somewhere will want me and I think I can talk about the last few months with a straight face and no tears.  

Yoga was my saviour last week prior to our trip up north, really sorted me out.  Saw a counsellor today and had a really weird experience.  I've seen her a couple of times and we are going into quite a bit of detail about 'hopes and fears'.  Essentially, I'm now at a point that the mere thought of being pregnant terrifies me - I just keep thinking (a) it's not gonna happen and (b) if it does, I'll miscarry.  She thinks this is partly the problem with me and I need to 'let go' and 'think positive'.  Easier said than done.  

Anyway, *craziness claxon - bear with me!* we were doing some "visualisation work" today, and to keep it short, I had this vision of my womb as an empty cave which was pitch black.  As I looked closer into the cave - I felt this presence (I could just make out some tiny eyes and some, don't laugh, mouse-like ears!).  Anyway, it made me feel comforted and some of the fear I've been feeling had gone.  Then I had to draw what I saw with my non-dominant hand - I broke my writing 'arm' twice when I was a kid so this wasn't as difficult as it sounds.  I drew this cave with what looked like a mouse-like gargoyle in the dark.  Very weird...

This has had a big effect on me.  It was such an odd experience.... and if I'm honest - I'd regard it as nuts usually!  I don't know - it's a bit strange but it was like how I'd imagine it would be to be hypnotised.  Anyway, it relaxed me and she's promised more of it - so hooray to that!!  But I feel more secure now.  So strange!!  I feel really odd talking about it - as if it might burst the bubble of confidence I'm feeling.  Not sure if I'll mention it to DH as he might just call the men in white coats 

Other than that, job hunting is taking up time, and my little website jobs (shush!) are also needing attention so life is busy again.... which is a nice distraction - although I'm meant to not be too busy... counsellor says so!!  Started running again this week which has made me brighten up too.  Onwards and upwards!!

Love to Jillyhen, Mojo and PP - hope you are all well,

Lots of love Mrs P xx

Right,


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## Vickytick

*ckay *  for joy for you hun. See the nudge worked but I reckon Xmas had a part to play with their delay. If you are anything like me you'll spend the time running around instantly tidying worrying what they will say. It's such good news. Hopefully they will have a course that you can do soon. 

*mrsp* Not barmy at all it's something Ive spoken to my counsellor about as well. She says the mind is a powerful tool and can stop you getting pg. I too have the morbid of getting pg for the very same reasons as you. I'd like to fast forward the whole pg. If you like visualisation can I recommend a good book 'spirit babies' by Walter makichen. It's not as 'loopy' as it sounds. I was lent it and its really good all to with visualising our babies but the good thing is that it covers adoption as well not just natural birth. It states that we all have babies in our auras. Worth a read and is an extension of what you've already seen.

AFM I'm in a conundrum ladies. I've got the op not sure when yet but as I don't get pg with IVF and only once every 15 mths naturally not sure if it will help much. BUT you might remember we had the adoption forms and went to an open evening where we filled out a form of interest. Anyway THEY called me this week to say they had a course/ workshop at the beg of feb if we were available but we had to complete our forms and send thm off ASAP so a sw could visit next week. Well we did it as we want at least the initial visit but its thrown us as its not common for tem to call you and we said we wanted siblings so does that mean they have children in mind. Sooo confused and feelings all over the place. I'm no sure IVF will ever work so do i want to lose this chance with the adoption team but if we go ahead we have to say no to next IVF Cycle which as its nhs is that not madness?

Sorry for long post but why does everything happen at the same time it's sending me  xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Hello all!

Does everyone have snow where they are? We have had 3-4 inches here in Wales...gutted at first as it was Noahs first swimming lesson this morning so that was cancelled  . 

CKay, great news on the appointment with SS!!! Hopefully you can move forward with this quickly. 

Mrs P, did your counsellor explore your visualisation with you afterwards? I have a fertility visualisation cd and it focuses on getting you to visualise a baby/embryo in the womb so your mouse sounds like a positive step forwards to me (but Im no expert!!).

Tommi, great news on the outcome of your trip to see Penny in Athens. What is the next step for you now? 

Vickytick, this is a difficult one!! Its sods law isnt it... everything comes along at once. Im really sorry but dont know what the right answer is here. Do you have a counsellor that you and DH can discuss this with? Let us know what you decide my lovely. 

Hi to everyone else...hope everyone is well and enjoying the snow!!

Big big hugs

xxxx


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## MrsPootle

Happy Friday everyone!!   

PP - We've not had much snow - I'm almost disappointed!!  Yes my counsellor did go through the visualisation with me, in that she prompted me to 'vocalise' and 'draw' it but didn't plant any seeds in my head of wombs and mice - that all came from me!!

Vickytick - wow.  Difficult times and everything at once - I thought that was only me these things happened to??  
Not sure what to suggest - for my 2 pennies this is what I think.  At the moment you haven't had the next IVF cycle so why can't you just go on with the social worker anyway?  If it turns out it's something you want to go ahead with - take that opportunity, if you think your gut feel is to go ahead with IVF - take that route.  But it would seem right to keep everything on the go until you feel strongly one way or another.  This is the way I go on things - keep all options open til the last minute.  It's probably why I'll be grey by 40 too    But equally it's such a personal decision it's hard to advise, but that's my view for what it's worth.

Difficult week but ending on a high.  Two more job apps done and a feeling of relaxation that I don't remember having since before my BFN.  I had a good bawl in front of the fire (almost put it out LOL which is quite dangerous as it's an electric one... boom, boom) on Wednesday evening.  I'd been trying to be mindful, but not getting very far then all of a sudden, the bad clouds came over my head, and I realised I was ready to admit to myself that I'm totally gutted that it didn't work and I'm angry too as it cost a blooming fortune and isn't something that I'm willing to fund for a repeat performance....  so emotions were finally released.  I also had a chat and a cry when DH came home and admitted how cut up I am.  I feel much better for it, and happier, but I think there will be more tears in the post in my next counselling sesh.

Anyway, blooming snow - not much so far, but I need to get into London as it's Warhorse tomorrow at Drury Lane.  It was a birthday pressie from DH in August.  Just hope the trains are running!!

Have a great weekend,

Love Mrs P xx


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## Mojo72

Hi Ladies,
I hope everyone is keeping well.
We have had lots of snow here (Scotland) since Monday 14th Jan. I like sitting inside, warm, watching it from the window and appreciate how beautiful it is! Travelling to work and back however is a nightmare. People's brains seem to freeze and gridlock ensues quickly  
We have now started 'Home Study' for adoption. Our newly appointed SW came to see us on Sat 19/1/13 and was here for over two hours! She discussed many things with us and has left us with two tasks to do before her next visit. She will be coming to see us every 7-10 days in the next few months.
Despite being a teacher and working with children she said she was worried we didn't have enough experience of having children visiting us in our own home. She has asked us to speak to people we know to borrow their children for a day or two, over the next few months to see how our lives would be with children in it. As DH said, "You can't just say to someone - can I borrow your kids for the day" nowadays.
Her response was "I look forward to hearing how you go about setting that up and your response to it".
I'm getting the feeling it's all about jumping through hoops and them ticking boxes  
If anyone has any good ideas of how to do this, please let me know.
Hope you all have a good week and don't get snowed in!


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## Vickytick

Hi ladies hope none of you are snow bound. Most of ours has gone to slush now.

MRSP. You make me  love the fire comment. It does hit you when you least expect it which is why I can't let my brain rest for too long so empathise. It's a tough call on trying again especially as they don't have a definite reason for the bfn. It's a kind of odds based analysis isn't it. Thanks for the advice this is exactly what we've decided to do- go with the flow as technically we can pull out at any point. Fingers crossed on the job front.

MOJO72 that's great news on the home visits you must be so pleased its moving along. I can't believe that being a teacher isn't sufficient for them. You work with kids all day long. I suppose the only thing is if you have nieces or nephews that can stay with you or offer to babysit for any close friends. But it is a bit of a toughie. Love your dh comment though about randomly asking to borrow kids. I do think one of it is hoop jumping as they don't want you to have a big social life but want you to have so many referees its silly. We were told we need a fire extinguisher in the house. Seriously no one who gives birth is asked for that. Apparently health an safety is a bit extreme so be warned.

PP] I heard Wales had really bad snow I hope you weren't snowed in suppose Noah is too young to appreciate it. Yes counsellor is a god send as are some of the books about. We are just seeing how it goes. Glad everything I going well and you are enjoying being a mummy 

AFM well we've had sw initial visit which went really well was not as difficult as we thought. She said we were the best people shed ever assessed and were strong candidates. I think our age and the fact we have my ss with mild aspergers means we know how to handle issues. We've now got the course on the 4-7 feb then onwards from that would be home visits. Me and dh are convinced they've got kids in mind so that's what speeding it up. We've pretty much decided not to continue with IVF and go down this path but want to do the course first.

Hope everyone else is okay and not too cold.

Xx


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## MrsPootle

Vickytick - very quickly as cooking tea - Woo hoo some dancing bananas deserved I think - wicked excellent news xxx


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## A J

Vicky...that sounds fab. Fingers crossed things just keep on plain sailing xx

PP...I'm in Wales too and have had 2 snow days off school so far so not grumbling especially as its heavy snow where the school is so we cant open yet where I live there is hardly any...big bonus!!!

Mojo...cant believe they dont take the fact that you teach into account. If we go ahead and pursue the adoption route we were kind of hoping that it would go in our favour...but its all out of our hands...bit like the whole damn fertility business. Still, when it comes to it....surely it must count. Of course you cant just conjure up some kids to spend the day with...the system is nuts sometimes xx

Mrs P...you brought a smile to my face once again  . Hope you enjoyed Warhorse? xx

Big hugs to everyone else    

Not much news from me really...just waiting for af so I can get cycling again...dumdedumdedum xx


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## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

How is everyone..

Sorry ive been a bit awol.. Didnt have a laptop from August until after xmas and work being mental didnt get logged on..

Vicky.. All go for you hun.. Wwe are still waiting to hear about our home study starting, i think they have to wait until a social worker becomes free.

Mojo what is your sw not like..

A J hows you??

Mrs P i cried buckets at warhorse.. 

PP how are you?

Jillyhen


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## MrsPootle

Oh yes - I cried LOADS.  It was almost as if I drowned everyone else in my tears, but I love, love, loved it!  DH got lots of brownie points for taking me to that.

Mojo - How's it going?  What a ridiculous state of affairs - how on earth are you meant to 'borrow' kids from people - most people don't have them out for hire (although I know some parents who have terrible-twos which would)!  I'd try to challenge this as it's crazy they don't seem to be taking your teaching career into account.  Whilst I recognise teaching doesn't equal parenting, it does actually provide brilliant training for dealing with kids from all walks of life and backgrounds and all the crazy things that kids get up to in school.  I hope the sw comes to their senses soon!

AJ - Any sign of AF yet?  It's mad how we all are either dreading or wishing for an AF dependent on treatment eh?  Hope it's with you soon.

Jillyhen - Hello!! Glad to hear things are on the move and you have technology back - I've missed you!

Vickytick - looking forward to our coffee on Tuesday - assuming I can walk after being at my first session of Bootcamp the night before... you might have to wheel me to the till! Hope all is ok with you.

PP - Hope you are ok lovely.

AFM - dull week.  Nerves less in tatters than the previous week.  Think normality is dawning once more!  Job search is going pants and my DH & I had a bit of a mini-row (note we never argue) when he started moaning that I wasn't using my contacts to get another job.  When I explained my reasons it seemed it still wasn't good enough.  Some of my contacts can access jobs but they are ones which I don't want to do! Grrr!  Anyway, I felt bad after as I think he's only trying to protect me from depression if I end up with a long wait for a job to come along.  Competition does seem fierce I admit.

On the baby-making front.  Awaiting AF.  Actually have period pains!  Actually FORGOT where I was in my cycle for the first time in about 3 years!  Throwing the charts out and the CBFM/OPK is quite liberating.  Just going for shag, shag, shag, morning, noon, night - quite a lark actually when you put your imagination back into it.  DH seems way more keen than me, but that's my hormones still recovering I think.  Well, see how this pans out eh as the strategy for the next 6 months.

And, today I went for a 2mile run/walk.  Gutted as I've put on another 3/4 stone since treatment finished.  I need my thyroid meds back please!  That's hopefully going to be the case as I've got a blood test on Friday.  Also got some metformin for my PCOS which should also help my weight issues.  So I'm trying to focus on health and fitness and a bit of what you fancy (bootcamp starts tomorrow night).

Ok, I've rambled enough - love to you all xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi Ladies,
Its been really quiet on here recently, I just wondered how everyone was doing?

Xxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hello  everyone!

It is quiet isn't it PP - guess everyone must have loads going on.  I do - hoping for an interview to be rescheduled next week (Sainsburys & the horsemeat saga meant HQ had no meeting rooms to interview me in - gahhhhh - well that's my take on the story)...

Other than that the battles go on in my head as to what to do next.  I'm not planning any treatment for the foreseeable future, but I'm not giving up hope.  Back on the agnus castus, healthy living (bootcamp - literally) and trying to remember my life before it got kaboshed by my fertility woes.  And trying to plan hols and such like, which I have completely got OUT of the habit of doing.  It's a nice thing to look forward to but somehow feels tinged with sadness too.

Hope alls well with everyone - how's Noah PP? xx


----------



## CKay

Jilly, Mojo and vickytick - wow things moving now for you all in the adoption world.

Mrs P - once you get on holiday it will be fun - hopefully help you to forget the sadness for a little bit too.  Would love to see War Horse I've read the book and seen the film, I bet the play is the best though.

AJ - hope the wait going OK

Tommi - how's things have you been back to Greece yet??

PP - hope all going OK with Noah

AFM - had initial visit from 2 social workers.  They hand delivered their report last week it is lovely I welled up reading it.  So we've been accepted and now await the preparation course.  The March one is full so we have to wait until June - I am learning to be very patient!!!

Off to have pizza now yummy xxx


----------



## A J

Hi all my lovely ladies...thought I would pop on to say hi...hope all is going ok atm? 

Im off to Spain in the morning for a FET on Thursday (hopefully). Difficult to keep hopes up but will try my best

Hugs to you all   

AJ xx


----------



## CKay

AJ        for the FET.  Hope trip out goes OK and fingers firmly crossed for you that all is cosy for the embies in the baby room/womb


----------



## Mojo72

Hi Ladies,
Sorry I haven't been on for ages. Things have been hectic recently!
AJ - Hope everything goes well for you in Spain
CKay - Glad your initial visit went well. 2 SW's (WOW). Stressful enough for me with one! It's not too long until June. Sadly it's a VERY slow process, the field of adoption, with lots of waiting. If I can give you a bit of advice it is to do some background reading on adoption, particularly on attachment disorder. It will earn you brownie points with the SW's  
PP - Noah must be growing quickly. Enjoy every minute of it  
Mrs P - I hope you manage to plan a lovely holiday. The chance to get away from everything for a while should help you to clear your head and give you a well needed rest.
Everyone else I hope you are all doing well  
AFM - We have had two of our home visits so far. As the SW left last week she said "That was a good session". They don't give a lot away so picking up on the slightest smile, nod, saying has become my new tactic   
We were left with the task of thinking about what our ideal child would be like, in an ideal world! We have to do this separately and are not allowed to tell each other! I have my next appointment (by myself) this afternoon (my only day off for half term). I am a bit worried about it, as it has been a super busy week at work, I have 10 IEP's to write today, housework to catch up on, not sure what she is looking for from me and haven't had the chance to read through the book of tasks we need to do and choose a few to work on  
I will let you know how I get on!
Have a good day everyone
Moragh


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hello all!!

Wow there is lots going on!!! 

AJ, best of luck for Spain lovely. I wish you all the luck in the world!!

Mojo, it sounds very positive but understand why you are worrying about next appointment. Its hard as you dont really know what they are looking for but I guess if you are just honest thats all you can do.

CKay, great news on the progress so far with your adoption journey. Sorry you have to wait but Im sure June will be here before you know it. 

Mrs Pootle, hope your interview goes ahead this week.  A holiday sounds like a good plan. Although you may not forget about everything completely a break away from everyday life and its usual strains and stresses will do you good.  

How is everyone else? 

AFM, thank you for asking about Noah. He is great and growing and changing lots every day. 

xxx


----------



## Mojo72

Hi Ladies,
Just a quick message to let you know my individual meeting with the SW went well. She asked me about my ideal child, as if there was such a thing! Everything I said, I explained why. We then just had a general chat about adoption, handling children's behaviours, why these children may behave in a different way to birth children and my reading about attachment. Being a teacher, a lot of my responses relate to kids I've taught/behaviours or attitudes I've seen. This process is making me more reflective when teaching now and before she left she said "You are obviously putting what you are reading into practice". Another set of tasks to do before the next visit (a week on Saturday). I asked her about a lot of various options that we might get involved in/access to so she will investigate this on our behalf. It seems they like it if you show you have been doing your own research.
Mojo


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies this thread has been busy again was everyone hibernating from the snow lol 

MOJO sounds like good progress for you and top of the class. They definitely like it if you've show you are flexible and can explain your thoughts. Being a teacher must help as you've experience of kids. Good luck with the next one. Have they said how many you'll need?

CKAY wow 2 sw is tough going hopefully they were nice. Agree with the advice read up on adoption before the course and be prepared for it to be tiring emotionally. We were knackered and some parts really hit home. Our adopter guest speaker was an awful advert for adoption and clearly struggling even the sw said as much. It's to test your mettle.

PP glad Noah is doing well first Mother's Day for you this year   I bet you still pinch yourself that he's yours.

MRSP lovely to meet up with one of you lovely ladies at last. It was nice to put a face to the name and share experiences with someone who understands. If I haven't put you off it would be great to do it agin when you are free. Fingers crossed on the job front hoping you ind a good job soon. Definitely book the holiday it will do you the world of good.

AJ good luck with your fet hope it goes well. Ill be thinking of you we need some more baby news on here. Fingers crossed its your time.  

JILLYHEN lovely to hear from you the wait for the sw seems to be the biggest thing doesn't it. We've been told it can take 6 months until one is free...suppose we are all used to waiting. Hope you dont have to wait too long.

AFM well we did the course which was an eye opener very different people to us and one of them were blinkered in their ideas esp about contact so can't see some of them carrying on. We think they have a child in mind for us after a few things  that were said but we've got to get our medicals done then wait for sw. I haven't had any appt for minor op at RMC yet so not holding out much hope for that as I'm 39 in 2 weeks think adoption will be the route and if I fall naturally in 5 years then so be it but for the first time in nearly 4 yrs we are taking precautions which is v weird...

Take care ladies.

Xx


----------



## CKay

PP - must be lovely to see the changes how old is he now?  

Vickytick and Mojo - thanks for tips - already on the reading! Making DH read too    

Mojo - glad  visits went well and the one on your own - must feel like a test at times.  Gosh perfect day what if you said totally different things?  

Vickytick - think they must really lay it all on the table to make it clear it's frequently not  smooth process, the children have lots of emotional needs etc.  At least it    keeps in those who are committed like you say.  must be strange using protection hope the adoption process has made your decision easier.  Was the course over a weekend?  

AFM - nothing new to report reading 'what to expect when you're adopting' - it's good.  DH is reading one which is all about parent's experiences he says also very good.  A good attachment book is Why Love Matters - Sue Gerhardt check it out bit of a lengthy read mind.  Work full on at the moment boo.  Off to meet a couple of friends for dinner tonight, although really feel like curling up in bed!   all CK xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all!!
Vickytick, sorry you are still waiting for a date for your operation but sounds like you are progressing well along the adoption route albiet a bit slowly. It must be very strange using protection after all that timr?!?

Aj, hope all is going well with you...thinking of you.x

Ckay...happy reading!

Thanks again for asking about Noah. He is 16 weeks tomorrow/today.  Vickytick, yes I do pinch myself evetyday. Still cant believe he is ours. Im finding some of the other mums attitudes hard to deal with. Very ungrateful for little miracle they have been blessed with...complaining about silly little things like baby toys taking ovr living room!! 

Xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

P.s. Hope your meal out with friends was ok?

And I hope you all have a wonderful valentines day. Spoil each other rotten...you totally deserve it!!

Xx


----------



## Vickytick

*PP* - Funny you should say that about other mum's. I had a bit of a low day yesterday as I've had no less than 4 different people in 2 weeks bang on about how 'if you really want something it'll happen' and 'i changed my mindset and it worked' as if its that bl***y easy. It makes my blood boil how easily some women forget their own IF and journey once they've got their bundle of joy (you are the exception to this of course  ). It just makes me feel like im a failure because I didn't get pg so I must have been doing something wrong. The logically part of my brain knows this is wrong but as we know IF doesn't have much room for logic - lol. I'm glad that Noah is doing well and it makes me happy that you got there in the end.

xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi everyone!

Just a quick one as I'm 'revising' for another interview this morning - got it at 4pm on a Friday - how rude!!

Yeah.  The mind conundrum.  One way to feel more rubbish about IF.  I'm in the middle of the 'trying not to concentrate on conceiving and making the most of other things but continually acting as if conceiving is the first thing on my mind'.  Job hunting is a good distraction I'll admit, but I"m struggling with 'not thinking in the conceiving way' as it's been second nature for nearly 7 years.  But I am coming to terms with no going thru IVF again and keeping hope alive.

Anyway, must get back to my pretend interview with Mr Invisible - he's a lovely character!!!

Have a good weekend my lovelies!!!

MrsP xx

P.S. Vicky - of course I want to meet up again, lets do something soon when I've got the pesky interviews out of the way...


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Oh Vicktytick please dont blame yourself...you are not doing anything wrong at all. When we were going through IVF I said to hubby that I would never ever let myself forget what we went through. I also kept a diary. I know this may seem like I may like torturing myself but I think it is all too easy to forget how hard the whole IF journey can be and I swore I would never do that. 

Good luck with the interview prep Mrs P. 

xxx


----------



## A J

Hello my lovely friends. I love coming on here catching up with you all...really feel like I have known you all for years. It has been a while now hasn't it? Just reminiscing a bit....must be the meds  

I have been reading with a huge interest on the adoption front...you all sound like you have your work cut out for you with the sw's. They can be a strange breed at the best of times but having to completely open up your whole world infront of them must be something else...I wish you all SO, SO much luck every step of the way. Those children waiting dont know how lucky they are xx

Not going to be able to get round to personals today as TV is calling- nothing exciting but time to switch off from fertility for a bit.
I had FET on Thurs- 2 embryos on board. Full of meds & scared stiff....what will be will be ( wish I could truly believe that)

Love and hugs to you all

AJ xx


----------



## Mojo72

Hi Ladies,
Sorry this is just a quick one.
Hope your interview on Friday went well Mrs P
AJ - take care, rest up and try not to worry too much  
AFM - We got a package through the post on Saturday morning, just as we were going out for the day! It was full of case studies to read over and digest before our next meeting with the SW on Saturday. DH's reaction to each one was interesting. Already we have split them into three piles - could cope with, would need some advice and not for us. He has spent the day, between watching TV (his priority/distraction) reading and rereading them, as we will have a few to discuss in depth on Saturday. It is starting to feel more real   Like with going through tx it is constantly on my mind. One thing I've noticed though is my DH is much more willing to open up about more personal things and discuss his feelings and thoughts in a deeper way than before! This week our SW is visiting our parents (DH's tomorrow and mine on Friday). A bit anxious about what they may say. Hope it isn't anything that causes SW to give us more hurdles to jump 
Hope everyone is well
Mojo


----------



## MrsPootle

Good luck Mojo - I can understand your anxiety about the parent visits - it's hard when it's something out of our control, but in a weird way, isn't IVF pretty good prep for that??  Have a good week and hope the SW visits go well. xx

AJ - Fingers firmly crossed along with my fingers and toes.  Really, really hope this is the jackpot time!  xx

PP - I'm a great believer in diaries too.  I started one in 2011 and kept it going on and off since.  It's mainly treatment based, but other stuff and changes have gone in - namely the 'big move' and other stuff that I worry about!  Writing it all down helps me at the time, plus it's actually quite nice to reflect on.

Vickytick - hope you are having a better week - see you soon xx

Job interview.  Oh hilarity!  After rescheduling prior week because of no meeting rooms being available, I turn up and find that this time, they weren't expecting me AT ALL!!  Couldn't find a meeting room so did it in the canteen.  Cos it was 4pm on a Friday and people would like to get home, half the questions were missed out.  Seemed a good one though, it was competency based and I think I demostrated all the ones they are after.  Now got a technical interview via telephone.  I don't know when.  I'm quite anxious about it, esp as DH keeps saying 'remember you've got a tech test' as if I've forgotten!!  And another employer will be sending me some material to base a presentation around as their 2nd stage. Phew!  Busy week ahead and I just want to crawl under the duvet in honesty - don't feel able to face it all this week.  So tired - at sister in laws this weekend and I really enjoyed being with the kids but after muchos hecticness at the end of the week I really needed some rest 

Anyway, up and at 'em!!

Love MrsP xx


----------



## Vickytick

Crikey MRSP Ayou are being tested in your interviews aren't you. I don't mind competency based after years of interviewing. It's tough though keep having to 'present ' yourself isn't it. Fingers crossed it goes well for you. I love the whole trying  not to think about ttc approach.  Totally understand about meeting up just let me know when it's all died down a bit. 

AJ everything crossed for you   and lots of positive thoughts being sent your way. Yes we've all been on this thread for nearly 18mths now can you believe it..I agree it's lovely to come on here and check in on you all. Lets hope it finally your time.

MOJO72 it's interesting that you are that step ahead as you can pre warn everyone what is going to come. Our LA haven't divulged much about our home visits except given us a copy of the form F that goes to panel an told us to start thinking about it and doing the welcome book. I didn't realise they visit your parents. I can't find much in the books about them. Good luck I can imagine the case studies are tough. Funny how the process makes you more open especially men. 

Hello to everyone else hope you are okay.

Xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hello all!

How is everyone? 

AJ how are you doing?

Mojo, how did the SW visits go with your parents?

Mrs P, hows the interviews going?

Vickytick, JillyHen and CKay how are you? 

xxx


----------



## CKay

PP - I'm glad you posted - I read through posts the other day and thought I'll reply later, then the thread disappeared and so here we are.  I know I could have searched for it but so much easier this way.
Happy that Noah doing well -must be tricky listening to other mums trivia about mess knowing the IF journies many face. 

Mojo - hope parent visit went OK and you got through all the case studies.  I finished what to expect when you're adopting.  Now on adopting a child which is mostly about the legalities it's a little dry!

Mrs P - What a nightmare    glad they carried out the interview anyway rather than putting it off for a third time.  Your comment about Mr Invisible made me laugh.  Have you had technical interview yet?

Vickytick - anymore adoption news - have your home visits started too?  I'm lagging behind!

AJ -         for you.

Jillyhen - always a wait wait wait, any news yet?

AFM - Off out to lunch today with my parents and sister and her two girls.  Trying to get some work dine before I go and as you can see not being very productive.  I'm going to have a shower now then make myself get on!!!  Still no word from the LA confirming we're on the June course, I feel another gentle nudge may be in order, think it's going to be this way throughout the process.  What if they think we're pushy people.  Also didn't realise there could be another wait after course and waiting for the home study....  my patience skills will be truly tested!


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi girls,

Guess what - some good news, despite the hitches, I got the job!!! Over the moon, based in Holburn working for Sainsburys IT.  I got the news on Friday and I can't believe I'll be working again soon.  It turns out my proposed star date is exactly a year to the day I was made redundant.  Everyone seems really happy for me, I'll be more relaxed when I see it in black and white.

So I'm now twiddling my thumbs with little to do, except, as ever, that's never quite true - as I have a community website to build before I start work - argh!  But I do hope to get a few treats in, hoping to go walking sometime this week - got to get some new walking shoes as my boots hurt my achilles tendon too much.  Weekends are sorted, seeing friends and going on a girls weekend with my stepmum.

Anyway, feels good that the future is feeling worth looking forward to.  Having a few difficulties between me & DH - not that he really realises, but I seem to have a very short fuse and finding fault with much of what he does, which I feel guilty about.  It's horrible, but I guess just a symptom of what we have been through with the last cycle failing.  I can't seem to talk to him about it, as it depresses me to see him looking so sad about it all.  He won't adopt, and I'm not sure our relationship could cope with the process anyway - we are both wiped out from IVF.  We continue to try naturally, but I'm not counting on that all happening.  It's hard as it really is down to us both adjusting to a new future - which we are doing in different ways and at different rates.  I'm very confident we will stay together, it's just an uncomfortable time, having moved and failed again.  Other things shine bright - I have my new sparkly job to look forward to, so we can plan some holidays now.

CKay - glad you had a nice weekend, give the LA another push!  Patience you will have in huge amounts from IVF - this will stand you in good stead.  Good luck xx

Mojo, A J & PP - how's it all going? xx

Vicky - I'll be texting you to arrange our next coffee morning xx

Take care lovelies,

MrsP xxx


----------



## Vickytick

*mrsp*   such good news on the job you must be so pleased at last something positive to happen after a tough year with moving, IVF etc. do you have long before your start date?

*ckay* definitely alot of chasing involved we are still waiting for our sw but I'm having my medical tomorrow so things slowly moving. I'd give a little nudge. Reading books is a good start although it can get a bit overkill.

*pp*  hope Noah is well

How is everyone else, any news, love to hear what's going on with you all.

Xx


----------



## A J

A big fat bleeping negative for me  

I will post bit more tomorrow when I have more energy...hope your all ok?

AJ xx


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## MrsPootle

Oh A J - I'm so sorry to hear that .  I so wanted it to work out for you this time.
I'm currently all over the place, by and large, happy then sad then happy, so if you need a sounding board one of my personalities will have an answer 
I jest, but seriously - we are all here for you and love you lots - thinking of you xxxx


----------



## CKay

Oh AJ     and a big group hug   .  Get the wine out and have a good old cry, life just isn't fair!!!!


Mrs P -      for the job very good news for you.  Where is Holburn? Does it mean you get a discount in Sainsburys now   .  I hope you and DH are OK and come out the other side of all things IF 

Vickytick - too many books are overkill I agree this one is tending to say the same as the last one so not sure I'm learning anything new.  Still will persevere until the end!  I will give a gentle nudge I think or may be get DH too he's good at that   .  What's the news in your sig about op date coming through what will this mean for you now?

xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

AJ apoligies for taking so long to post..my hubby has been working away so I have been without the computer and for some strange reason my phone wouldnt connect to our forum!! Im so so so sorry that it hasnt worked for you this time. My heart goes out to you and your OH. As Ive said before, words are meaningless so Im just sending you a huge cwtch. Xxxxx we are all here for you when you feel you a ready to post xxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

CKay - thanks - yes, the discount on Sainsburys comes after my probation period - either 3 or 6 months - I haven't seen the contract yet.. should arrive tomorrow.

Vickytick - Start 25th - again TBC but looks good - so another month off or thereabouts...

AJ - Hope you are ok - I agree with PP - words don't seem enough but remember I'm thinking of you and if you need anything - just shout x

AFM - well, got tickets to the V Festival today - it's over my birthday weekend, I'm fed up of never planning anything 'just in case', so I've paid a fortune and got my earlybird 'local' tickets given it's a short walk away from my house.  My house is rented so we just have to ensure we are staying here til then!!  My brother in law is coming up and there is a small gang from round about going to.  Should be good.  And my stepdad has returned my ** message to say I am welcome to come over in July to Valencia.  This is great - just now the small problem of deciding whether to tell my mother (his ex wife) that I'm going.  Difficult - as they are still battling over a house after their messy divorce, but I don't want to be in between their arguements so I'm just saying tight lipped on any conversation that heads that way!
Still waiting for my contract.  Meant to get an e-copy by the end of the week.  You think it shouldn't take long - but it seems to.  They haven't even asked for references!!  I just want to be able to stop my JSA and enjoy the last few weeks before I start clearly 'not job hunting' and generally enjoying my last before the rat race begins.
The whole baby making stuff has been difficult lately.  Mainly all kept in my head.  It's weird to adjust to life without a treatment to 'look forward to' but in honesty, my load feels very much lighter for it.  It just seems a bit insane not thinking about my cycle / ovulating / when to have sex.  Not having any bounds on sex seems really strange and quite scary.  But, when you have spent nearly 7 years with this permanently on the brain it's odd.  My new goal is weight loss - I have another 5lbs to lose to reach pre-Xmas / treatment weight - but then I'm going for it - for ME!  I hope to bring my weight back into normal range and all this bootcamp/yoga malarky is definitely helping!  I'm of course, still trying naturally and trying to get my PCOS in order - both from a weight and symptoms point of view by changing my diet.

So I'm very much still a 'work in progress' but that's what's fun about life eh?  I'm just trying to reframe my goals and then, see what happens!!

Anyways... better get back to it - got some other work to do (website) - gah!

Have a happy Thursday lovelies,

MrsP xxx


----------



## Mojo72

Hi Ladies,
Sorry I haven't been on for a while - things have been hectic to say the least!
AJ - So very sorry to hear your news    
Mrs P - So happy you got a job at last  
Everyone else I hope you are getting on OK.
AFM - Parent interviews went OK. SW said DH's parents were very enthusiastic and supportive (as we knew) and my parents she thinks will be very supportive and even rearrange their busy schedules to help out if need be! However, having dug deeper with them on my own, I think my mum just yapped at her and told her about every little concern/worry she has about the process!
It was a weird session with the SW this time - giving one of us a task to do (looking through a newspaper of kids waiting to be adopted and, by only looking at the pictures (not reading their profiles,) pick 3 we would instantly chose then 3 we would reject) while she spoke to the other on an individual basis about things that had been mentioned by our respective parents. I felt like it was another set of hoops being set up for us to achieve. We've now been asked to watch documentaries about families, nanny 911?, etc and read books about adoption/people who grow up with parents that had problems. For the programmes we have been asked to reflect on what we have seen/learnt. For the books we have been asked to do book reviews! My DH is embarrassing this fully but I am out the door with schoolwork at the moment so hardly had time to think about it, never mind do it    
Some of the things you are asked to do seem ridiculous! Wish the young mothers/young teenagers had to do this when they are thinking about/become pregnant. Might not be so many issues later  
The joys!!!
Mojo


----------



## Vickytick

Sorry for being AWOL recently ladies but felt a bit over whelmed by everything and needed a bit of time out from treatment or anything child related. Didn't help that it was my bday last week now 39 so feel clock ticking even more. Feel better and more driven now...

*aj* so sorry to hear about your bfn life sucks and its not just b***dy fair  sometimes. We all deserve our happy ending. As said by the others we are all here for you but nothing we say will ease your pain. Huge cyber hugs . Come back when you feel able. Xx

*mrsp * thanks for coffee yesterday it was good to catch up. Shame we can't have a big group meet up as I feel I know you all so well now. Hope the walk was good.

*pp*have a great Mother's Day I hope you get spoilt by Noah and he's a good boy for mummy. 

*ckay*alot of the books repeat themselves and the USA ones are hard as the process is so different.

*mojo* crikey your sw is really thorough. Tbf I don't think our LA goes to that extent certainly not speaking to parents. I think our meetings are elaborating on the form rather than anything else. Is yours a LA or a VA I just wonder if they are different. I'm sure if my mum was asked she'd talk about her fears as she's worried about the child having issues etc. glad it's progressing though you'll be at panel before you know it. I like the idea of looking at pictures I suppose it's the theory of attraction if you get what I mean what you are drawn to.

*AFM* last week was hard as it was bday week and I expected to be in a diff place and let's face it Sunday will be hard as well another Mother's Day without a child. Yes I have my op appt for the 8th April. I'm still having the op but we won't be doing IVF again. If I get pg it'll be natural which I'm almost relieved about now I've made the decision. But as ive only fallen twice in 3 1/2 yrs not hopeful on that one. I had my adoption medical on my bday (nice!) and the dr was really good and worded the report so I can technically carry on trying whilst we go through the process. She did give me that comment 'lots of women get pg after they've adopted as they are relaxed' bit which loads of people have recently. Now just waiting for SW to be assigned.

Hope Sunday is not too painful for you all and enjoy PP 
.xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi ladies,  
Sorry no personals from me today as on my phone but I just wanted to say I hope tomorrow isnt too bad for you all I will be thinking of youl. I truly hope that next mothers day you are all mummies whatever journey you take to get there  
Xx


----------



## CKay

Thanks PP, will write more tom xxx


----------



## Vickytick

*pp* hope you had a Fantastic first Mother's Day. X


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Thank you so much Vickytick! 

Have been thinking of you all today. Hope it wasnt too bad and you were kind to yourselves. 

xxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hope you had a fabulous Mothers Day PP xx


----------



## Vickytick

Very quiet on here hope everyone is okay.

*AJ* how are you doing hun, hope things are okay and you are coping hun. 

*MRSP* not long now until you start your new job. Are you getting everything done at home that you wanted to?

*Mojo and ckay * how's the adoption process going. I'm trying to watch lots of progs at the moment bit overloaded with books.

*PP* how's Noah doing, growing all the time I expect.

Xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi Vickytick, not long to go until your op lovely! 

It is quiet on here at the moment...hope everyone is ok? 

Yes Noah is growing and changing every day. Savouring every precious moment with him. 

xx


----------



## CKay

Tis quiet indeed no news re adoption for us - just waiting on the preparation course in June.  We missed that March date as DH skiing.  Seems ages away, but it's nice to have nothing going on.  Finished college course and no tx - so we have planned a holiday to Spain in a couple of weeks which will be nice.  I only hope we get some sun.  

It's the first time for a long time for us with no impending IVF- feels good I have to say and we have a bit of spare money!    all CKay xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies.

Perhaps everyone is busy getting away from this weather...

I've been decorating this morning whih I've decided I hate whilst dh is away on business. Don't mind that as its only a week and last time was 3 so this pales in comparison.  BUT having a bit of a dilemma now thanks to dr google and not sure what to do so advice would be great. I've got my op in a couple of weeks and alot of what I've read says that my condition can cause IF as well as mc and success of IVF increases after op. now I'm back to thinking ill give IVF one last go. That does mean putting adoption on hold bth they haven't contacted us yet so that's not a real issue. 

Any ideas as I still want to adopt basically do both but my age doesn't lend to waiting for either. If I have a baby there has to be a few years in between and I'm 40 next year similarly I can't leave ttc to see through the adoption settle in a child as that could take 2 years. So confused. 

Sorry to be so me me me but without dh here my brain is going in circles. Xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hello ladies!

No, I'm around, just quietly panicking about rejoining the rat race next week LOL...

Vickytick - Hmm. Dilemma and then some!  If it was me, it would depend on how much of an improvement and if there were detailed stats on whatever research backed this - i.e. does the trial reflect people similar to me.  Then it's a case of whether the improvement is big enough to sway me into another go before 40 I guess.  Regards timings, adoption won't be immediate, and if successful, IVF isn't an immediate solution either - so I'd cast that worry aside and come back to whether you'd regret not trying one last time after this.  I'm no expert on adoption though and don't know whether/if age is an issue here too - but I'm sure Mojo or CKay would possibly have the answer to that!  Good luck & always up for a meet-up (although might be short on time for the next few weeks).

CKay - fun in the sun - sounds just the ticket   With you on your thoughts about no impending treatment, for me it's a huge relief!

PP, AJ - hope both you lovely ladies are ok 

Hi to anyone lurking out there 

AFM - yes, being driven mad by HR, going mad for it at bootcamp - losing little weight but loads of inches.  House very nearly sold, on last stages. Now on Metformin - ah, the fun - not!  I literally went round town from toilet to toilet yesterday!!  Lack of treatment being a benefit to my head, but a bit of doubt has crept in with my supplement regime.  I was reading my fertility monitor instructions & this says if your estrogen is abnormally high (like it can be in PCOS sufferers) it can mask the 'ovulation' readout on the machine.  I have, and apart from the one time I was pregnant, a 28 day cycle WITHOUT FAIL.  Docs at my previous place said I had ovulation probs based on 2 blood tests, despite me having regular periods. Now wondering if they got that wrong.  At the ARGC they said I ovulated when they checked (and was in agreement with my monitor).

So confused... and I'm not meant to be analysing everything!! LOL.  Wondering if I should be dosing myself up on Agnus Castus or not now?  I'm taking it on the basis of irregular ovulation but that theory looks flawed... gah!  Someone slap me!!!

Everything else ok.  Tired, in a bit of angst about starting work, but generally keeping things on the level... I think!

Love to all,
MrsP xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi all,
Vickytick that is a dilemma!! I think I would second what Mrs P says. Depending on what the stats are for the chance of  successful cycle you need to think about whether you would regret not having another go after the op. If there are no age limits with adoption then go for it. Can you put your applicatiob on hold and start where you left off or would you have to start  all over again? The other thing you need to cobsuder is if stopping adoption app to start treatment would have a negative affect on next app if cycle is unsuccessful. They may focus on this when you reapply. 

Mrs P, you have alot going on at the moment! You are bound to be apprehensive about returning to work but I bet a few days in and it will feel like youve never been away. 

How is everyone else...Jillyhen, Ckay, Aj and everyone else?

Xx


----------



## Tommi

Hi ladies  

Gosh it's been ages since I popped in to say hi. I have too much to catch up on now so I'm really sorry for no personals but I hope all is well with you all. There seem to have such a lot of challenges on this thread and I really hope that things are moving in the right direction for each and every one of us.

I am in the middle of what feels like a very long FET cycle. I started downregulating a month ago. Thankfully have now added in some oestrogen so feeling far more normal! The transfer will happen next weds and that was the due date of my baby that died. That feels good to be pupo on the due date! 

Life hasn't exactly been smooth... my grandmother died and we had her funeral last week. Also struggling with a tricky work situation. But I am very excited about next weds! I'm really sorry for not keeping up to date with the thread. You ladies are such a great support. I do think of you! 

Have a good Sunday 

Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi Tommi
Lovely to hear from you. Wishing you lots of luck for next weds with Et!! 

Hi to everyone else

xx


----------



## Vickytick

*tommi* lovely to hear from you. We are always here lurking about so pop in whenever. I think perhaps its fate that you will be pupo on that date. I've never dr but I'd be a nightmare as the short protocol is bad enough. Best of luck with ET on wed. Fingers crossed for the cycle.

*mrsp* Best of luck for tomorrow really hope the snow doesn't hamper you getting to work on your first day. Knock them dead. 

*pp* how's things with you?

Hello to ckay, mojo, aj, jillyhen hope you ladies are okay.

AFM thanks for the advice been thinking about this loads and exactly the same thoughts have entered my mind esp about how'd it impact adoption if we put it on hold and are the odds of a successful cycle good enough for me to do that given that age is now a factor as well. Age doesn't really affect adoption except in the age of the child we'd get but we want 3 + anyway. I want to do both ideally but if I have a biological child I'm more than likely not going o be able to adopt as there has to be 2 yrs diff and 'our' child has to be older. So I'd be 42 before we could start the process. Dh nor family really want me to do IVF again cos of the affect the drugs have on me but I'm in a quandary. If I was even 5 years younger it'd be so much easier as I'd have more time. Life eh. Xx

Love and hugs off to walk the dog in the snow.  xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Tommi - just popping on to wish you lots of luck for Wednesday - lovely to hear from you xx
Vicky - Yeah, I've been trying to shovel away all the snow between here and London so I don't get any delays tomorrow morning.  Gotta be in for 8.45 - ugh!  Don't they know I like a lie in til 10am for the past year?? LOL xx


----------



## Vickytick

Tommi - really hope today went well for you and your embies are snuggling in.

Mrsp - how did the first few days go? Are you into the swing of travelling yet?

Hope everyone has a nice 4 day break if anyone spots the sun or spring let me know  

Hugs to all


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Happy Easter everyone!!

Mrs P hope your first few days in the new job have gone well and everyone is nice.

Tommi hope ET went well and you are taking it easy. 

Vicytick, have you come to  any decisions about what to do?

Hope everyone else is ok?

Xx


----------



## Tommi

Thank you so much ladies  
I now have one hatched blastocyst on board. It was an emotional day but I'm feeling cautiously positive. Haven't got long to wait until test day (5th April) so going to enjoy a lazy Easter now.
Happy Easter to you all!!   
Txx


----------



## MrsPootle

Good luck Tommi - hatching blastocyst - well done!!  Sending lots of sticky vibes.

Vicky/PP - new job going well although last night it all caught up with me and I was sooo exhausted having kept up the day job and the mad 4 days a week exercise routine of bootcamp and yoga.  Thank goodness for bank holidays (which sounds so funny coming from someone who has taken a year off).  Hope you are both well - Vicky - do you have your op soon?

Happy Easter to you all my dear FF friends xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hello all!

How is everyone? I hope you all had a good Easter?

Tommi , how are you feeling?Sending you positive vibes lovely.

Vickytick, not long til your op. 

Mrs P , hows the job?

Ckay, Jillyhen, AJ, and Mojo hope you are all well?

Xx


----------



## Tommi

Hi ladies  

PP and Mrs P - thank you! I am doing OK thanks. I seem to have a load of symptoms in the last few days that I recognise from last time but I'm convinced that's just wishful thinking. Probably the crinone gel too! I feel OK and not too stressed out. Really not looking forward to test day though. Thanks for the positive vibes! I really appreciate that.

Good luck for your op Vickytick  

I hope everyone else is doing well 

Txx


----------



## Vickytick

Been tooooo quiet on here I've missed you ladies my FF buddies. 

*tommi* best of luck with otd only 3 more sleeps. Are you an early tester? Really hope it's your time.

*pp* hope Noah enjoyed his first Easter. Any chocolate he was given but not allowed feel free to send it my way lol.

*mrsp* you survived the first week make the most of the 4 days off and short weeks. It's to ease yourself in gently.

Hello to everyone else hope you are all okay.

*AFM * op is Monday 8th as expected af is playing silly buggers by being late but I'm not pg as we've been v careful and I've even checked by doing a poas. So it's just the usual body games. I've decided I do want to do ivf and told the hosp when the op is and to put me on waiting list again. Haven't heard anything from adoption yet so going to leave that until we are faced with it.

Enjoy the sunshine everyone.

Xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Just a quick one from me to say good luck to Tommi for test day tomorrow. Will be thinking of you lovely.

    

Xxxxxx


----------



## Tommi

Thank you so much PP  
I'll be doing a Clearblue digital test in the morning before I go to the hospital. I'm not up to waiting for the phone call like I did last time!

Thinking of all you ladies on here! I hope life has been kind this week  

Txx


----------



## A J

Tommi....keeping everything crossed for you tomorrow xxxxx

Vicky...if I dont get a chance to post (Im getting really rubbish at this) good luck for your op. Things will fall into place when they are meant to sweetie xx
Big hugs to everyone else, sorry I havent kept up to date recently but note to myself to try harder


AJ xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Good luck Tommi - hope it's good news!

Afraid I'm on for a rant... in tears... sometimes life feels so crushingly unfair!

I've just been to my GP to ask for my Metformin to be prescribed (originally this was prescribed by a doc at the ARGC) and also to discuss thyroid meds.  I'd spoken to my doctor about this previously, he saw no problem with and agreed with the Metformin for PCOS, agreed also that I'd been through enough without being re-tested on the NHS (I've got a letter from 2009 which states so) but thought they might need to take advice from a specialist about the latter.  He is on hol but he recommended a new doctor to see in his absence.

I've come back with nothing.  No Metformin which I will run out of in 5 days, a threat of 'checking' my PCOS status, dumb questions such as 'you are against any more IVF treatment then?', wanting advice from a fertility specialist first - despite THREE months of me getting my ARGC consultant to verify the thyroid issue (I didn't think there would be an issue with verifying the Metformin).

WHY?? I have just written something to DH which ended with the line "F*** 'em - no one wants to help".  It's truly how I feel - I haven't got MONTHS to wait.  I haven't got £££s to burn on private consultations and getting the tablet treatment that way.  Above all, currently I have no time to go to these things - christ, I took today off to sort this out - I've started a new job last week and I'm on probation til 12 weeks.

And the job - itself it is ok, nothing I can't handle, but the team I'm in is in disarray.  One person is off long term sick with stress, the remaining 'doers' are death-eaters... honestly, they are really negative, don't seem to want to teach me my job as they are scared I'll take it off them (it's an environment where most of the IT support work goes to off-shore or IT partners to do).  In some ways I can't blame them, but it's a nightmare to handle.  So that's my peers - my boss - there are 2 - one who handles the line management and has no technical expertise, the other has lots of technical expertise, interviewed and seems really welcoming - but he might be off.  In honesty I feel like doing cycle no 5 would be a piece of cake compared to handling this lot.

It might be just week 2 blues - but I have an instinct something isn't right and the last thing I need is a load of hassle right now!

On the plus side - I'm off to the Peak District for walkies this weekend - lets hope I don't do my ankles in...!

Love Mrs P xx


----------



## Tommi

Mrs P - really sorry to hear you've had so many hassles today    you really don't need that on top of everything else. I really hope it all gets sorted very soon. Doctors are such a lottery. Getting a good one is fabulous but they are so few and far between. Good luck with it all  

I hope everyone else is doing OK today.

I have some good news! I am pregnant! I'm delighted but also very nervous. One step at a time.

Thanks for all your support, as ever  

Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Mrs P so sorry you are having a tough time. Sending y ou big hugs. 

Tommi, congratulations sweetie. I havme everything crossed for you xx


----------



## A J

Tommi...congratulations my lovely. I'm keeping everything crossed that things keep going in the right direction xx

Mrs P...I can hear your frustration from here. It really does depend on which doc you see and from my experience what mood they are in. I have usually been quite lucky with IF meds but last time they wouldn't give me Clexane on the nhs which I had previously and which cost me £100 for 2 boxes. When I asked for a repeat the same doc gave me an nhs script- no logic at all!!!

Struggling with trying to get bloods done on nhs atm....again had them before but now they are deciding that its not an nhs problem as private treatment....I know they are right but hey, be consistent and give us a break eh? Fingers crossed they will come up trumps for you in the end  

AJ xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Tommi - excellent news & my fingers are crossed tightly for you.
AJ - you are certainly right about logic & gps! Exactly right, we just need them to give us a break!
Pp - calmed down a bit now...
Got ARGC to prescribe me some met in the meantime with no charge & emailed on some email correspondance with my nice gp to the evil one. This prompted her to look at my file again & hopefilly she might be able to sort a prescription within a fortnight.. Got a chance to clear up a few things as she didn't look at my file properly at all this morning!
So on way to Peaks feeling bit happier but bp has gone thru roof!


----------



## A J

Enjoy the Peak District my lovely I'm sure it will sort your BP out xx


----------



## Tommi

Thank you so much ladies  
I hope you're all doing OK this week.
Txx


----------



## Vickytick

Wow off here for a few days and its all go.

*tommi* Huge congrats on bfp   I am cautiously optimistic for you as I know you'll be nervous but I've got everything crossed.

*aj* nice to hear from you I hope you are feeling better. Remember we are always here for you.

*pp* how are you and Noah?

*mrsp* sounds like a nightmare hopefully the weekend away was good and you walked off the anger  agree with the others a good GP is a lottery in itself and the whole testing prescription thing is hell where IF is concerned. Some will some wont. It's stupid that they are not even consistent within the practice. Really hope you've got somewhere now. Job sounds like its going to be tough for the first few months as well but knowing you you'll do well. Hugs x

Hello to everyone else 

*afm* op went well very sore and can't do much as the lapascropy ended up being two cuts so stomach very swollen. Can't imagine a csection. Most of it was clear they said my tubes were clear as they did hsg as well but need to question that in fu in may as I was told in 2010 left was blocked and right partially. The septum was so big it nearly divided the whole uterus so that explains alot. I'm on hrt to help heal and am already getting irritable. Think not doing anything is tough as well can't even walk the dog lol. But it's all for a good cause.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Just a quicky from me. Vickytick, glad op is ovr and done with and sounds like good news about tubal patency. I have had to laporoscopies and it can be painful afterwards. I found peppermint tea really helped with the trapped gas from the procedure. Xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Vicky - woo-hoo - glad the op went ok!  No blocked tubes? Could be a turn up for the books eh?  Good luck with the HRT - will be available for a catch-up once the next few weeks are over.

I had a much better week, but house sale looks like it is going through in about the next 10 days - it was all a bit of a shock as we hadn't heard anything for ages.  So a bit emotional about that and a few blood pressure probs (again).  Finally got the Metformin sorted out!

Hope everyone is well xx


----------



## Vickytick

*mrsp* good news about the house move perhaps over quick maybe better? Glad things have improved this week.

I'm still sore and making the most of being cared for but struggling with the house. Men can't do it as well as us can they lol xx

Have a great weekend all

Xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all!

Mrs P, good news on the house sale but can understand that although long awaited it is an emotional time for you. 

Vickytick, my hubby complains that I dont do the housework to his standards!!

How is everyone else? 

Tommi, hope all is well with you? 

Mojo, AJ, Jillyhen, how are you? 

I have some news but have been holding back from telling you for fear of upsetting or offending anyone. Hubby and I have decided to go for IVF again whilst I am off on maternity leave. Hoping to start the cycle sometime in June. Please dont think Im being greedy or do not appreciate how lucky we are to have Noah but I would love for him to have a sibling and as we are totally dependent on IVF we dont want to waste any time as we are all too aware that it may not work. I really hope that I havent offended anyone  

xxx


----------



## Vickytick

*pp* not offended at all. One of my closest friends is through ff and she has a little boy (ivf) nearly a year old but is going to do IVF in the next few months as its her only chance. I think it's natural to want a sibling. I wish you all the luck in the world. The only people (and I know many unfortunately) that I object to are those who seem to have a memory loss as soon as their IVF baby is born and go on an on about their baby and motherhood all over ******** forgetting their journey and the heartache that others still go through. You have never done this and remain extremely empathetic towards the rest of us for which i am very grateful. Xx


----------



## MrsPootle

PP - I think it's wonderful news and if I was in your situation I would probably be doing the same - so please don't feel bad.  I hope that you are successful in June xx

Had a few mini meltdowns over the weekend but today has been good, got my cousin up for a few days and it helps to put everything into perspective.  I'm feeling more anxious than usual, but I think it's probably due to all the change and emotions I've been thru in the last 6-8 months finally catching up with me.

Hope everyone else had a good weekend - shout out hello to Jillyhen, CKay, Mojo, Tommi, Vickytick and AJ xx


----------



## Vickytick

*PP* You've done probably four, at least, of the top ten most stressful things to do in life in the last few months: moving, relocating, fertility treatment, and new job so quite frankly the fact that you haven't wobbled before is amazing. I'd be a wreck. . Don't expect to be wonder woman go easy on yourself its tough. See I forgot redundancy so make that five. x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Thank you Mrs P and Vickytick for your kind replies.  

Vickytick, I hate f.book for the very same reason! I am only on there to try to promote some of my homemade gifts. It really annoys me how people (particulalry those who I know have had IF issues) flaunt there pregnancy/children on there, completely ignorant of how their posts may be affecting others. I have a friend who I met through another website before I discovered FF. She had an ectopic before conceiving her first child. We used to share with one another how people we knew used to say they had had such a hard time ttc when in reality it had only taken them a few months!!! She is now pregnant with baby #2 and it only took her 3 months and she keeps going on about what a hard time she had!!!??!! She has also dumped me now that she is pregnant. 

How are you feeling now? Hoping the soreness after the op has eased. 

Mrs P, I totally agree with Vickytick, you have had ALOT to contend with over the last few months. It would be enough to test even the strongest person (which I think you are!), be kind to yourself and go with your emotions. You are allowed to have a wobble. Sending you big hugs. 

xx


----------



## CKay

PP = what a silly friend!  Very pleased for you - hopefully we'll all get there in one way or another.
Tommi - just saw signature congratulations and jubilations for you      
Mrs P - hang in there you haven't had it easy at all of late!
Vickytick - hope you're feeling better by now.
AJ- what are you thinking about tx wise?  I hope things look a little brighter for you now.
AFM - still waiting on ruddy adoption course in June I only hope we're on that one.  On plus side it means we have been able to have some holidays and do some things to the house - we now have new kitchen work tops and tiles (looks so much better), a nice power shower.  Now thinking about new kitchen cupboards and a dishwasher (very small kitchen so not sure about taking up cupboard space).  Just been on two hols!  Spain with DH and Iceland with my sister all very nice.  Now planning another hol in July.  It is so nice.  I still feel that slight heart sink every month when I get my AF, even though I know it can't happen for us you still hope in some way - silly I know.  Hugs all CKay xxxx


----------



## A J

Hello my lovely ladies...sorry I haven't been on here for ages but went to Scotland for a week in the campervan then a week in Spain over the Easter hols (I know 2 weeks alone with DH and we're still speaking!).
Lovely to read through everyones posts and catch up.

Vicky glad op went well chick and your now recovering well xx

PP of course you haven't offended with your plans...fingers crossed for you and that Noah has a little brother or sister really soon xx

Mrs P- I agree with what everyone else has said- you have been through loads. Be kind to yourself chick xx

Ckay- lovely to hear from you, you get those holidays in my lovely & enjoy time for you xx

Tommi- how's things going?

Big hello to anyone else who I haven't mentioned...hope life is treating you well xx

AFM...I had a feedback appt in Spain and the only thing they can suggest to add to the next cycle is intralipids which I'm dreading as I'm completely needle phobic. They have yet to try it with me...what will be I guess. The clinic also suggest that this is my last try as I cant keep going Well I can if I want to and if they wont do anymore cycles then I will find another clinic who will. They are optimistic about the next cycle (yeah I have hared that before) so am going to do it asap. Waiting for af then on OCP for a couple of weeks to time things for half term.
I have an appt with Prof Lesley Reagen at St Mary's hospital in London in a couple of weeks for some miscarriage advice. Maybe get an answer or at least an insight before I choose another clinic...
Well enough of me...I'm gonna go and enjoy the day now as had the gas man here all morning and no work until next week

AJ xx


----------



## Vickytick

*aj* lovely to hear from you and I'm glad that you've managed to have time away you really needed it. I agree its up to you how many cycles you do. Celine Dion did something like 14 to get her child. Its an individual decision. Glad you and dh are still talking lol sometimes I think we've nothing to talk about except IVF, if, adoption or just having kids in general. Prof regan did my op and she's supposed to v good. They will do basic bloods and a 3d ultrasound then tell you to come back in 6 weeks. My fu is on the 14th may. They are v good and nice as well. Glad I went.

*ckay* glad you are doing okay and you've got away. What was Iceland like? You have all these ideas of what to expect ie cold, expensive, v green. Ah yes you are back in the waiting game just a different queue I'm afraid. It's v frustrating but June is not far away now. You will always have that hope its natural and part of me thinks well I don't need af as I can't get pg so why should I still get them and resent them even more. Sounds like you're getting lots done on the house which is quite fun and a nice way to spend money.

We were due to go to the marathon on Sunday but dh has fallen out with 1 of his sisters BIG time so we are the ostracised people at the moment. The joys of IF and it's impact eh. They do not understand and think running a race compares to the stress of 4 years of IF and think we should just get on with things. It's horrible how this journey destroys relationships. The worst part is that dh bf is going with his family and dh is not happy. I don't think he's bf wife really likes me as I don't go out and get drunk all the time like she does and would just be happy to have her 3 kids and sit at home with dh. So our ears will be burning I'm sure. Xx

Hello to everyone else and have a great weekend. Xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all!

AJ, how lovely to hear from you. Im with the other ladies, when and if to stop having treatment is totally your decision. Sounds like you have a plan in place. Ive heard about intralipids, Im a needle phobe too but if you can get through an IVF cycle..whats one (or two!) more needles??!!! Sounds like you have been enjoying time with hubby and looking after yourselves with a few hols...you deserve it!!
Anyway, good luck with your next cycle, wishing you lots and lots of luck!!

Vickytick, sorry to hear about DH fall out with his sis. Families huh??!! I find that they can sometimes be the worse for unrealistic expectations and insensitvity. IF does destroy friendships, I have lost a few along the way and think it has challenged my relationship with my family. 

CKay, gosh you have been busy with the DIY and hols! Its nice to revamp the house isnt it?! Where are you planning on going away in July?

Mrs P, how are you feeling? 

Hi to everyone else

xxx


----------



## A J

Thanks Vicky for info on Prof Regen...wot more needles!

Do you know PP...I'm that needle phobic that when I had my one and only ivf that got as far as EC  done without the anaesthetic (yes it hurt but hey, no needles) and since then I have done DE cycles where there is no EC and no needles involved in ET- I'm truly the biggest wimp  

AJ xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Only quick as on phone. We exchanged contracts on North house on Friday, work going well & on way back south with the last load of tat(!) so my northern life ends and a new chapter (er, house buying) begins. Hope everyone is ok xx


----------



## Vickytick

It's very quiet on here o hope everyone is okay. I'm off on hols for a week now and won't be logging on to a computer whilst away so have a great week all and ill speak soon.

Xx


----------



## A J

Have a fantastic holiday Vicky xx

Will catch up with everyone properly soon....hugs all around xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

Ive been a bit awol lately.

How is everyone, its gonna take me a while to read back and see what everyone is up 2..

We are still playing the waiting game, have started the ball rolling to adopt but its taking forever to start the home assessment, plus have seen another dr with regard to the ttc issue. He is the satellite clinic in the north west for gcrm, did consider having more ivf but didn't want to jeopardise the adoption.. He thinks im getting preg no problem there maybe be an issue with implantation so I hoping to have a hysteroscopy to have a look inside etc..

Jillyhen x


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hello all!
How is everyone? It's quiet on here at the moment. 

Jillyhen,  lovely to hear from you. Do you have a date for your hysteroscopy?

AJ, have you started treatment yet?

Mrs P how is the job and the new house going?

Vickytick, hope you had a lovely him.

How is everyone else?

Xxx


----------



## Tommi

Hi ladies

I hope you're all doing OK  

I'm battling 24 hour nausea at the moment. Had a scan last week and all is well so far. Baby has a strong heartbeat and is the right size. A big relief! Can't wait to feel vaguely human again! Sorry for the speedy post.

Take care all.

Txx


----------



## Vickytick

*tommi* that's fab news so pleased for you.  how far along are you now?

*pp* how's things with you getting ready to cycle again?

*jillyhen* know the feeling our assigned sw is on long term sick so they've got to reassign us another one and we haven't even had the first home visit yet. The agency can't give us a date either so after a 3month wait we've got to wait even longer. I wouldn't mind but we've said we'll adopt up to age 5 but others who only want a under a year have started their visits yet they told us there were no babies available. There seems to be no logic to their approach at all. It's a nightmare and makes you realise why so few people adopt. We are actually thinking about doing IVF whilst waiting for the hv on the basis if they can't sort it out why should we jeopardise our chances of ever having a child - adopted or our own. I just want to be a mum.

*aj* how are you and how's things?

Hello Mrsp, mojo and ckay hope you are well.

Xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Tommmi, great news on scan. Sorry to hear you are suffering with sickness. I hope it passes soon so you can enjoy the pregnancy. 

Vickytick, how frustrating!! They say they are crying out for people to adopt and yet they cannot organise themselves. I am with you, I would go ahead with IVF while you are waiting as goodness knows how long you will have to wait. 

I have ordered the drugs and they are being delivered at the end of the month and we should be ready to go with DR in the middle of June!!

xxx


----------



## A J

Tommi....fantastic news hun about the scan- hopefully you are able to relax a bit now and to begin to enjoy the pregnancy (apart from the sickness!!) xx

Vicky...I also agree with going ahead with another cycle of ivf. You have to come first here not a process of bureaucracy. keep yourselves open to everything xx

Jillyhen...so, so frustrating the waiting game. Hopefully things will start moving for you one way or another really soon xx

PP...glad you are going to be up and running again soon xx

Mrs P...how are things with you my lovely? You are always such a busy lady, hope your doing ok? xx

Big hello to everyone else following  

Afm...started down reg last Mon so waiting for AF to arrive before getting back on the meds for a De cycle over half term. Finding it hard to keep any sort of optimism atm but am hoping that as soon as I start with the meds my thoughts will change.
i had my appt with Prof Regan at St Mary's on Tuesday and am awaiting blood results. Wow- a lot of blood and I'm really wondering why i bothered to be honest as I'm taking everything that she would recommend on this cycle ie steroids, Clexane and Intralipids. She did say to me that if I haven't been tested for any of these issues, then why am I taking them. I did tell her that they have been prescribed as there is nothing else my clinic here or the one I go to in Spain can suggest so its as a precaution It all makes me want to scream sometimes that they all think differently yet still cant find the answer....but I will keep plodding on....even if my blood results come back (unless there is anything major) i expect I will be doing exactly as planned anyway. What she did test was my AMH which will be interesting. It was last done 3 years ago and was low back then but I have had a natural pregnancy in the middle of the DE ones.
Anyway, enough waffling- at least I'm good at that.

Big hugs and love to you all

AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi AJ,
Great news on starting down regulation. Am I right in saying you are with CRGW? We use that clinic and I have complete faith in the team so if they have suggested the extra medication I.e. steroids, intralipids etc then I would trust them. It is frustrating the different approaches different people have and it can get very confusing to know who to listen to. 
When do you get your Amh results back?

Xxx


----------



## Vickytick

*pp* not long now then until you go again. How exciting  for you. You could be pg by Xmas what a great present.

*aj* she's quite to the point isn't she. We saw her today for our fu and she certainly rules the place. It's so hard as you just want to be a mum so you'll do anything anyone suggests and you never know whom to trust. The longer on this journey the harder it gets with so much conflicting information. Lets hope you get some answers. Best of luck with the cycle in half term. Not long now.

AFM had fu up with dr regan at RMC today she took more blood but says we can start ttc as they think they've solved the prob. Just wish it was that easy as that. Barts still have not come back to me about my cycle so I'm going to have to chase them and still waiting for adoption agency. Always chasing and waiting.. Xx


----------



## A J

Vicky...I'm totally with you on the chasing and waiting! Never blooming ends does it. Yes, Prof Regan does have a unique manner- but a great reputation. I'm still waiting for my results and have a telephone fu next Fri. Its a little reassuring at least for me that if/when I do get pg again that I can use her for advice. I have always found that time such a difficult one using a clinic abroad. PP...you are right I do go to CRGW for scans and advice there but have still found that there has been a short fall when I have had difficulties in early pregnancy. I will be at CRGW next Tue for my Dy10 scan and will be asking what care there is for difficulties in the early stages. The clinic in Spain are pointless contacting really as they just tell me to keep taking the meds and to get a scan asap. However, as most of us know to get an early scan (ie 5/6 weeks) is very difficult and i hate being left in limbo at such a stressful time.......here I go predicting the worst already- self preservation maybe, who knows?

Anyway, back to you lovely ladies hope things are going well? So frustrating for those of you on the adoption journey- I so hope things start speeding up for you all. DH and I have spoken about this and he is adamant that we are not going to start that part of our journey until we have exhausted the DE cycles. Yet, I don't agree (typically we bang our heads together over this) as I feel that I want to keep all our options open and what will be will be at the right time....here I go ME again!!

Big hugs to you all

AJ xx


----------



## Vickytick

Hello to everyone hope you are all okay and coping with this horrible weather....

*AJ* yes I do have faith in her she seems positive without false promises unlike the mc clinic in Epsom. I think they monitor you the whole pg. There was a youngish woman with a 6 week baby when I was there. I got quite upset by it and she obviously guessed that a few people were a bit like what is she doing here. But she said that she had had 6 mc and they helped her and you have to go for a 6 week check up after the birth! Fingers crossed it all goes well today at your scan.  xx

Love to all

Xx


----------



## Tommi

Hi ladies - I hope you're all doing well. Shame about the weather, but I'm still hopeful for a bit more sunshine at some point before September!

AJ - good luck for your follow up. I hope things flow smoothly for you. I hope DR is going well!

Vickytick - I hope the chasing and waiting is fruitful. Such a pain. I really do think that a lot of people working in the field of fertility and adoption etc have no idea what the experience is like for real people going through it. 

PP - good luck for your cycle! I have everything crossed!

Jillyhen - I hope you're not still playing the waiting game. If you do have a hysteroscopy I really recommend the Athens one. It's a lot cheaper than a private UK one and I really think it made a big difference to me.

I hope everyone else is doing OK  

I had a scan yesterday at the Fetal Medicine Centre and all is well so far. It was part of the Harmony screening so I'll go back in two weeks for the results and a nuchal scan. Baby is measuring on the long side - 11w1d rather than the 10w4d that I am    I suspect he/she won't be petite! Heart rate is strong at 170bpm and it was amazing to hear the heartbeat. It definitely eased my worries (for about an hour!). 

Have a good day everyone!

Txx


----------



## Vickytick

Quick one for Tommi - that is absolutely bl***y fantastic news. So v pleased for you both   . Xx


----------



## Tommi

Thank you Vickytick! xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls
Tommi im so glad everything is looking good.
VIcky im still waiting, 2 couples from our group have started so hopefully we wont have long to wait.
Got word last week that im having my hysteroscopy done this Friday, feeling a bit apprehensive.
Aj how are you feeling?
Hello to all you other lovely ladies.


----------



## A J

I'll second that. fantastic news Tommi- yahoo!!! Success is in the air. I'm so glad to hear your news and I hope that it will keep the worrying away a bit longer than an hour (mind you, I know how I would be!)   xxx

Vicky...it gets me everytime seeing babies. I dont know where to look. I feel like all eyes are looking at me and my reaction...there were very young (looked just a few days old) twins in Outfit shop the other day. It hit me like a knife right through my heart- I had to hide behind some clothes and pretend to be on my phone for a while...xxx

Well atm I am on dy 11 of progynova building up lining. Had scan yest which wasn't great- 7mm but with no triple stripe which I have had every other time. I'm rescanning Fri but if things are looking not 100% in there then I'm going to cancel and try again. Flights booked to Spain and already payed for tx so will enjoy holiday and get them to hold onto payment....nothing ever goes simple does it.
On top of that I have had 2 teaching interviews this week and got neither of them! Talk about bad timing- pumped up with meds and couldn't even have a decent coffee to get me going...I think I will just stay as a supply teacher- forget chasing jobs as well as babies  

Love and hugs to you all.....sorry I haven't got round to proper personals but will do soon I promise, but am thinking about you all

Jillyhen...you just posted as I was spellchecking. Glad you are having Hysto done quickly, will give you less time to worry. I had valium and ibuprofen prescribed for mine and I hardly felt a thing, honestly. Hope it goes well my lovely- be thinking about you xx

AJ xx


----------



## CKay

Hi all,
It's been a while but a quick update had a lovely time in Spain and Iceland and Canada in the Summer is all booked.  Yippppeeeee.  Adoption agency finally has us booked on their June preparation course so that is something.  I don't know if home visiting starts soon after that I suspect there will be another wait!  It certainly is not quick.  
Tommi - glad all going well for you
AJ - hope lining rectifies itself or if not I hope it's better next time - you're right to want everything as good as it can possibly be.
Jilly - have you had hysto now - hope all went well.
PP - not long to go now!!!
Vickytick - I'm with you on the waiting it is painful!  Any news on either adoption or cycle front by now?
Mrs P - hope move went OK and how is the new house?
CK xxxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi Clay,
Lovely to hear from you. Have you had nice holidays? Great news about the adoption course next month!

AJ, how did your cycle end after? I hope you are in Spain having ET as we speak.

Tommi hope you and bump are well.

Jillyhen, mrsp, vickytick how are you?

Xx


----------



## Vickytick

Hello ladies.  

AJ hope you are okay and as the others have said how's the cycle going?

MRSP how are you, hope the job is okay and you are busy busy hun.

CKAY the course is v interesting but we've been waiting 4 months now for home visits to start so I hope your agency are a bit better than ours. Glad you had a nice break its good to recharge. 

PP are you getting nervous about your cycle it can't be long now before you start. Really hope it's positive  

TOMMI  how's the pg going? All good?  

JILLYHEN it seems to take forever doesn't it. Not sure why there is such a gap between the course and the home visits really. Seems silly. Fingers crossed you start soon. Good luck with hysteroscopy tomorrow. 

AFM still waiting for home visits toying with chasing and pointing out a few things ie we said older and siblings yet course friends want baby under 1 but they are on their 3 visit. Doesn't seem logical to us. Have IVF booked for August cycle so not long and we are back ttc naturally but timing it all. I've started reflexology which is helping me to relax and she's got a good pg success rate so .  Basically fingers in every pie to get my dream one way or another. 

Hugs and   to all.


----------



## MrsPootle

Hello ladies,

Busy moi?  

Only a short message as I seem to having all crisis' hit me in one go.  We have sold our house, found a house of our dreams but not sure when it will be available to move in, landlady won't renew our tenancy (complex) in August so we will have to move everything into storage and move in with a mate of DH (think Men Behaving Badly).  My mother continues to be ill with depression, my father was admitted to hospital last night with pancreatitis and work - well, it's ok, but very political and they keep changing my role - so I have to 'actively manage' that one.

If I manage my way through this one, I'd like a medal please!!  Oh, and ttc naturally hasn't turned up trumps but I'm not surprised as I'm so stressed and have little time for bedroom action LOL.

Will do personals later this week - off to drive 3hrs to try to catch my Dad within visiting hours....

Sounds like you are all bearing up well - which I'm pleased about!

Lots of love MrsP xx


----------



## Tommi

Hi Ladies

Big hugs to you all. I really hope the various stresses ease soon and things move smoothly for you all. I am just lifting my head up for a minute or two... 12 weeks today and still sick, sick, sick! Carb-baby (that's pretty much all I eat!) is really making his/her presence known!

Hugs all round    

Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all!!

Mrs P lovely to hear from you. Gosh, you have alot on your plate at the moment!!! You definitely deserve a medal for going through all of that!! I hope your mum and dad get better soon. 

Vicktytick, great news on IVF cycle in August. I have acupuncture to help me relax and Im a great believer in alternative therapies so really hope it helps you get your dream lovely!. I dont blame you at all for pursuing several avenues at once as you dont know how long you will be waiting for the adoption route to progress. I would raise your concerns with them regarding the other couples progressing faster despite them requesting a child under 1.

Tommi, sorry you are still feeling sick but hopefully it will ease once you move into the 2nd trimester in 2 weeks time. 

Jlliyhen, how did the hysteroscopy go? 

Hi to everyone else. 

xxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Evening girls!

Well, I'm back from visiting my Dad and he is recovering well thank goodness. AFM - a bit wobbly-bob, a bit overwhelmed with various things but feeling a bit stronger today.  I just need to keep a handle on things and not punish myself so much!!  Can't remember if I told you all but I'm on Metformin now, have run out of ovulation sticks but I had, some, ahem, very good looking CM if I may say so myself yesterday!

Anyway... to catch up:

PP - How's prep/start of DR going?  Keeping my fingers crossed for you hun xx

Vickytick - I don't know how you are keeping your head together in all this - well done for keeping the plates spinning - I think your bets are nicely hedged - a child has to come of all the different routes you are juggling.  I've got my hands full for the next two months with moving out and, I hope, moving back into a new house. Keeping fingers crossed too for you xx

Tommi - what excellent news - embrace the sickness my lovely (easy for me to say)! xx

A J - Where do you get your energy and strength from?  Good luck with the next cycle - fingers crossed for you too xx

CKay - lovely to hear from you and sounds like you've had a nice time - and it's June so the course isn't far away.  Good luck with your plans - it must be nice after all that waiting on sw etc xx

Jillyhen - good to hear from you and that your plans are progressing.  Good luck xx

Feels odd that I have no fixed plan but crossing my fingers and hoping the metformin is the miracle cure that might have sorted everything years ago, had anyone bothered to look properly for PCOS.  I have had an odd few weeks - was looking into Chinese medicine last week (by accident) but then I thought - I can't devote myself to yet another regime and expense.  I do feel exhausted by it all.  I wish I had more energy for treatment, but I feel at that stage whereby I'm pretty convinced the stress of the process damages me far worse than the process itself.  I got some pretty good indications from the ARGC blood tests that I have high estrogen (as per PCOS) & my personal theory is, if I could convince someone 'just' to freeze my eggs, thaw then do ET at a later date, I'm convinced I'd have a better chance of success.  I was v close to OHSS last time and that was a nightmare.  But I don't want to put myself thru anymore pain with BFNs. Ah well.. crossing fingers it is then 

Anyway, sorry for the me post - it wasn't meant to turn out like that.

Love MrsP xxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls
Ckay we had our adoption preparation course in November and still waiting to start home assessment, could be another 2 months.  
Tommi I cant believe you are at 12 weeks already.

Gosh mrsp you have a lot on your plate at the min

Vicky can you do ivf as well as going for adoption?/ In Ni we had to be adamant that there would be no more ivf or we wouldn't be allowed on course..

Hysterocopy went ok, there is no evidence of any problems which was a relief, a bit tender for a few days and very sleepy after the anaesthetic apart from that all good.. Just waiting for review apt to discuss bloods etc.

Jillyhen x


----------



## Vickytick

*mrsp* glad your dad is making progress it must be stressful trying to cope with all this and still ttc. If you are interested I've just started reflexology with a lady in Chelmsford recommended by my friend who has pcos and she has got pg twice within 3 months with this lady. So keeping fingers crossed and its way cheaper than acupuncture. Hopefully the metformin is helping.

*jillyhen* crikey I thought we had waited a long time and its been 4 months since course. Technically no you are not allowed to do IVF you've supposed to have finished that path but quite frankly I just want my family and I refuse to stop all other routes whilst they dilly dally around keeping us on hold. My age is not waiting and I don't want to wake up with nothing in 5 years. So I'm ttc naturally and will do cycle in aug. I might still be waiting for hv to start. I sent a curt email asking for an update on our sw but she's still off sick and they 'hope' to be able to assign another one soon. But they are still running courses and not prioritising those that fill the criteria of those children in care which seems ludicrous to us. I'm thinking of swapping agencies tbh. It's really daly organised across the board I think. Fingers crossed you get your hv soon.

Xx


----------



## A J

Hi everyone...just a quickie I'm afraid but will def catch up properly over the next few days as a quick read through and there's loads to catch up on...xxxxx    

Well, I'm  PUPO again!! 2 grade A hatching blasts on board. Lining was 9mm and triple lined by the time I got to Spain so everything went ahead...just the waiting and praying and meds now (oh, and Mother nature PLEASE do your bit too   )

AJ xx


----------



## Tommi

I have everything crossed for you AJ!        
Come on embies! This is the magic cycle!        
Txx


----------



## MrsPootle

Second what Tommi said for AJ - c'mon embies!!!!
Vicky - may be asking for that reflexologist later this year.  Good on you for keeping all options open.

AFM - best not say.  This week I realised I was fast approaching meltdown.  Having to work at putting myself back in order.  It's hard work but I think I'm reversing the trend... I hope so!

xx


----------



## Tommi

Mrs P    Sorry to hear that but it's great that you realised it's time to put you first. You've had so much going on. Take good care   
Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning lovely ladies.

AJ...woo hop congrats on being pupo..I have toes,fingers,legs and arms (tried my eyes too but couldn't manage it for long!!) for you. 

Mrs P, I'm so sorry to hear you aren't feeling yourself at the moment but I'm with Tommie...it's about time you thought about number one for a change. Take a deep breath,take a step back and focus on you and OH. I know it's easier said than done but you've had a lot on recently. 

How is everyone else?

Xxx


----------



## A J

Thanks everyone for your good luck wishes...I can't believe I am back in this head and body space again. I find it so hard, even more so each time but am doing my best to take it a day at a time xxx

Mrs P....      you are going through the mill chick. I really hope that things will start getting better and I agree with the others who have said YOU need to start coming first. It is hard I know but you are so worth it. How about even just treating yourself to something like a massgage or facial just for you or give reflexology a go. I have done it for a few years and love it! I too enjoy all the alternative therapies and have helped me through so many different things in my life before and since ttc xx

Girls I can't believe the time it all takes to get off the ground with the adoption process - it really is unfair! Jillyhen I thought you would have more news by now and Vicky- keep your options open hun whatever you do. I'm so glad you have another cycle coming up- August won't be long xxx

Tommi...glad things going ok with you. No harm in carbing it up- lovely mmmm enjoy xx

PP...how are the plans coming along for your cycle coming up. Forgive me if I have missed out on where you are at- hopefully all will be plain sailing xx

Who have I missed? And what have I missed?
I'm sure it will come to me when I get off here

Anyway, big hugs to you all- keep smiling (and sun please keep on shining)
AJ xx


----------



## Tommi

Mrs P - hope you're doing OK today  

AJ - so, so hard to be in the 2ww space again, but I have everything crossed for you      

Hi to everyone else! I hope the sun is shining where you are  

Txx


----------



## Vickytick

*tommi* so pleased this pg is going well   

*aj* we are all routing for you. Fingers crossed this  

*mrsp* god you sound stressed and need group virtual hugs . Hope things ease up for you. Definitely agree with the others a bi of you time is needed.

*pp* you should be starting soon. Have you got a date yet ?

*jillyhen* how's it with you any news?

AFM well gone a bit mad. Got new sw had 1st meeting today booked the next 6 for every week and says we should be at panel in aug/sep which coincides with IVF cycle so will more than likely cancel IVF now. BUT af is playing silly buggers and is hiding! Think its my lapascropy causing it all to go awry. Sooo stressed with it all lol.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening ladies
Vickytick, great news on the quick progress of your adoption journey!!! How do you feel about cancelling the cycle in Aug?

Mrs P how are you my lively?

AJ, hope you are hanging on in there.

Hi to everyone else. 

I started down regging today. Totally forgot what to do so went into a bit of a panic but it all came flooding back to me after first injection!! 

Xx


----------



## Tommi

Vickytick - so glad you have movement with the SW. I really hope it goes well    

PP - good luck for downregging! I was exactly the same the last time I did that. Took me ages to do the first injection and then it all came flooding back! 

Hope everyone has a good Sunday  

Txx


----------



## A J

Vicky...fantastic news that the sw has pulled her finger out- about time too! Really hope things can speed up a bit for you now. It must be so hard though trying to get your head around one thing, then things changing....believe it will all work out the right way in the end xx

Having a bit of a mare myself the last few days. Yesterday woke up with brown spotting only 3dp5dt- thinking well, maybe its implantation yet it turned to red blood later on two toilet trips then back to brown with a little bit that has continued today. This is the first time I have had bleeding like this so early so not sure what to think Don't want to be on knicker watch already  

AJ xx


----------



## Tommi

AJ - I'm no expert but it could be implantation bleeding couldn't it? I did an early test 5dp5dt and got a faint positive with a first response hpt. I'm now a fan of early testing. If you get a faint positive you save yourself a few days of fretting and if you don't, well, it's too early to test! Win win all round! 
Hang in there   
Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

AJ, I'm with Tommi, it could be implantation. I bless during early pregnancy. Brown spotting is good as its lifeblood. Hang on in there lovely. 

Xx


----------



## A J

Thanks Tommi- I usually do test early with first response I'm just trying to pluck up courage really as tomorrow will be 5dp5dt. Told DH I wouldn't but I'm so impatient and was going to wait another couple of days but this bleeding has freaked me out. I really do hope it is implantation bleeding- not that I have ever had it before and have had 7 bfp's over the years of trying xx

PP...you posted as I was replying- thank you too my lovely. Its just that everytime I have had bleeding in the past it has ended negatively. Trying so hard to think that it could actually be something positive. 
Hope everything going ok for you now you are back into the 'swing' of things with the injections- wishing you all the luck in the world xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girlies

How are we all..
Aj hope your wee ones snuggle in tight..
Vicky no news, I think the social worker I sent an email was on leave last week.. I just don't understand how they cry out for adoptive/foster parents and then it takes forever.. Suppose it all depends on funding.. She said if they get extra money it might move us up more, I did ask if there was anything we could do in the meantime.When the social worker came out we had to be adamant that there would be no ivf.. Even though Im tempted but need to finf out why I miscarried before..
Tommi hows things with you?
PP its strange how you dont forget. Good luck with your cycle.
Not much craic with me, ive to get bloods done again as the health centre put them into the wrong bottles.. So probably have review after the results are received.

Jillyhen


----------



## Tommi

Hi ladies

I hope you've all had a good day.

AJ - How are you getting on?  

JillyHen - how annoying about the bloods! I hope that gets sorted.  

I had the nuchal scan today and the good news is, all is well. No indicators of Downs, Edwards or Patau Syndromes. But, this is what happened... as soon as I was in the scan room the very kind doctor said she was sorry to say that my Harmony result was "negative". I had no idea what that actually meant but as she'd said "sorry" I took it as bad news. She then explained that I was one of the 3-5% where they cannot detect any baby DNA in the blood and that I would need to be retested. Fine. So, she did the scan and it took about an hour. Very thorough and she was delighted with my uncooperative but "perfect" baby. Then she ran the results of the scan through the computer to calculate the risk. At that point she said that the scan was very good but my blood results (the ones they had back) were very bad. On balance this gave me a massively high risk of 1 in 5. Doctor couldn't understand it because the scan had been so good. I was trying to take it all in and make sense of the wildly differing results but it was all a bit much. She then realised that the wrong date for the bloods had been entered in the computer. She corrected the date and recalculated the risk which came out as the lowest possible for my age (1 in 767). So, I went from thinking it was terrible news, to good news to terrible news to good news. I felt utterly shattered by the end of it all! I think she thought I couldn't take it all in and she kept telling me that everything is "perfect" and that I must not worry! What a rollercoaster! I think I need a sofa day now! Doctor was great though. Really kind and reassuring.

So, another hurdle out of the way.

Have a good evening, what's left of it.

Txx


----------



## Vickytick

Bit of shock news ladies I got a   on sat after I was a few days late and really  . Informed RMC and appt booked for tues 18th I should be about 6 weeks. V nervous as Ive had period like pains and a bit of spotting but only when I've been active and hardly anything. I know the op should have resolved everything but after 3 mc it's still terrifying and I'm really worried. Been to GP to confirm and she said try to relax!!  Now need to decide about adoption as we can't run them concurrently but I'm scared of letting them know too early in case I mc (its normally around 7-8 wk). If I do I want to carry on with hv. I know it's selfish but I don't want to lose the chance. I only get pg the first cycle after a procedure: Hsg 2010, prolactin drugs 2012 and now septum resection. It seems to give my body an almighty kick up the rear end.

Sorry for me post just a bit all consumed at mo not sure i can do 4 mc. 

TOMMI glad you got to the bottom of it. Good news.
JILLYHEN hope they contact you soon good luck with results. Agree about delays it's stupid really. Children are in care cos they are short staffed
PP hope you are back into the swing of it now and it's going okay.
AJ agree it could be implantation and a good thing this cycle is diff? 

Hello to everyone else.

Xx


----------



## A J

Wow Vicky...CONGRATS     thats fantastic news   aren't bodies amazing? I know how anxious you must be and relaxing is not easy but try your hardest hun. I agree with you not letting the adoption people know just yet (at least I wouldn't with my m/c history). GOOD LUCK my lovely xxxxxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Oh Wow Vickytick!!! Huge congratulations to you!! Ive got everything crossed that bean (s) is a sticky one for you!!! I wouldnt tell SW yet either. 

AJ, hope the bleeding has stopped and you are well? Have you tested early?!?!

Hi to everyone else. Where has the beautiful sunshine gone!??!!! 

xx


----------



## A J

Hi PP...yes, I have tested early and got a bfn   today. Bloods are tomorrow but I know that there will be no difference- bummer!!

Just had feedback from Prof R (two weeks late- a long story) but she knows how unhappy I am with the way things went. Actually, yes I will rant now I am at it (sorry!). A telephone consultation was arranged for the Friday before bank holiday after 3.30pm which never happened- with no explanation. I emailed the clinic who got it the following Tuesday by which time I was in Spain. Apparently I have some clotting issue so need to take 150mg aspirin if a pregnancy is confirmed. This was email from her PA a week after the consultation was arranged and I have just spoken to her. Oh, yes she apologised but said that she can't predict what goes on in her clinic!!!!! Why did I bother?? I take aspirin anyway, just need to increase it a bit...
Anyway, she can only really do something (don't know what) once I get pg which on the last two cycles I haven't. 

So, feeling low today...hope everyone else is a bit brighter?? Yes, where has the sun gone- it's pouring down and cold here?

AJ xx


----------



## Tommi

Congratulations Vickytick! Fabulous news!   I have everything crossed for you!

AJ - so sorry to hear it's a BFN    That sounds like a right **** up at Prof R's clinic! I don't understand why they recommend aspirin and not clexane. I had to do daily clexane injections and I have no clotting issue. It was just to improve blood flow generally (as I'm the grand old age of 43!). When I saw the blood doctor she said clexane was worth having whether you have clotting issues or not. Might be worth asking about. My GP prescribed it so i didn't need to pay for it (it's v expensive I think). Anyway, I hope you get some answers and that next time things really go your way  

Hi to everyone else.

Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Oh AJ I am so so sorry my lovely. If you tested early maybe you may still get a bfp when they do bloods tomorrow. What a complete cock up with Prof R's clinic. That's just not on. Sending you big big cwtches.

Xxx


----------



## Vickytick

So sorry to hear this AJ I really feel for you as you've been through so much.  im kind of hoping that it was too early and the bloods will show a diff result for you. Xx

TOMMI hope the pg is going well looks like you've had another scan which must put your mind at ease.  

PP when do you start stimms do you have an estimated ec date? 

Hello to everyone else   

Bit of luck as two of our hv have been cxld over the next few weeks so we've got a bit of time to get past my danger zone of 8 weeks before we tell them. I'm just trying to carry on as normal but I'm worried as I don't have many symptoms yet and the last 2 have been full on early on. Not sure if this is a good sign or not. Xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Wow! Congrats Vickytick - wonderful news - agree with all the advice x
AJ - so sorry to hear that & the clinic sounds like a right royal mess-up - rant away! x
Tommi - oh my - the mill you have been thru there - well done for keeping it together and so pleased it was good news x

Me... well, not great, v tearful, perhaps I'm up the duff?? LOL.  Had to go and see a specialist about thyroid today at NHS who basically disagreed with everything fertility related (and wasn't a specialist in that area) I'd ever been given.  Humph.  Got really upset just being in a hospital, just thought of all the disappointments I've had over 7 years.  Then I topped it off by being involved in a car bump on the way out.  Came home and cried to my best friend on the phone.  Off to yoga now - hope that straightens me out! Love to all xx


----------



## Tommi

Mrs P - just want to give you a great big hug  
It is so hard when medics cannot agree on anything! I hope the yoga was soothing.

Vickytick - this pregnancy, which seems to be going well, isn't like any I've had before, so hang in there! I think they are all different so think positive! I know it's so hard. I envy the women who never have any cause for concern!

AJ - how are you doing today?

Hi to everyone else! Hope you're doing well today.

Txx


----------



## MrsPootle

Thanks Tommi - it did - although I ended up snoring during the relaxation - I think I must try to get some sleep tonight! x


----------



## Vickytick

Hello ladies how are we all? The weather is improving for the moment but I'm sure it won't last long.

*mrsp* you sound v busy and confused by the sounds of it. We trust these medics with our dreams how do we ever know whom to trust its a minefield. Hopefully you'll get a clear answer soon.

*pp* how's things. Have you started treatment yet?

*tommi* definitely holding onto that hope. Glad things are going well for you. What's your due date? Will it be before Xmas?

*aj* how are you hun? I'm really hoping you are feeling more positive about things. How's the work front?

Hello to everyone else.

AFM had a scan today they say I'm 5 wks 3 as the drugs from the op would make me ov later than normal which ties in with everything incl the reflexologist. Going back next week for another scan hoping to see hb this time. X


----------



## Vickytick

Very quiet on here hope everyone is okay and just getting on with their lives. Xx


----------



## A J

Hi Vicky,

How are things with you? Have you had another scan- I have been thinking about you xx

I'm doing ok I guess. Waiting for feedback after my last bfn which has been easier to take that another m/c I guess. 
Feel like this treadmill is never going to end....

Hope everyone else is doing ok?

AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Afternoon all!

How is everyone? 

AJ, really hope that you get some answers from the feedback from your last cycle. Do you have any plans for next cycle or are you waiting for the feedback first? 

Vickytick, have you had your second scan? 

Tommi, Mrs P, Jillyhen & Mojo how are you lovely ladies?

xxxx


----------



## Tommi

Hi ladies  

Hope you're all doing well! 

Vickytick - let us know how things are going!

AJ - hope you have some answers and a plan.

Hi everyone else!

I'm doing OK. The sickness and nausea has definitely eased and I'm looking decidedly podgy! 16 weeks today. The results of the harmony test were good - baby has a less than 1:10000 chance of having a chromosomal problem like Down's. I would definitely have continued with the pregnancy, but I am so relieved that all is well so far. Still taking it one day at a time though.

Have a lovely weekend all!

Txx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hello!  I'm here - just having a bit of a tough time.  Probably related to stopping trying, house mares, work mares and more.  But its all really getting to me.  I'm off to the doc anyway next week to see if they can fathom out my low mood.  I think it might be the metformin - I stopped taking vit B12 as part of my TTC vits and it might have uncovered a deficiency. So I'm back on a super dose et volia, mood has improved a bit.  But I'm also overtired and applying for a transfer into the business from IT at work.  So lots on!
Vickytick and Tommi - I'm very excited by your news & keeping everything crossed xx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies lovely to hear from you I was getting worried....

*AJ* hope you get answers soon although it never really helps does it because all you want was for it to work. Hugs xx

*mrsp* sounds you are having a total mare. You need a holiday. Hopefully the increased its will help. Always here if you need a rant. Xx

*pp* how's the cycle going?

*tommi* you must still be in shock but good news on tests. Will you be finding out what colour you are having or leaving it to a surprise? X

*afm* had second scan so seen hb and all good bit non committal on dates but been told its very hard so early on. Have to wait now until 9th July for next scan. This is the crucial time for me as I always mmc between 6-8weeks so nervous is an understatement. Panicked yesterday as nausea had eased off and convinced myself it was all over but I'm still v tired and have sore (. .) so taking that as a good sign. Trying to keep busy and keeping everything crossed.


----------



## A J

Vicky...fantastic news you have seen hb. It certainly brings the odds up!!! I totallly understand your worries though having been in exactly the same situation as you. Be positive though my lovely as absolutly no reason for anything to go wrong. Keeping everything crossed for you      xx

Hope everyone else is doing ok? Gotta rush off but be back soon....story of my like atm  

AJ xx


----------



## A J

Hi ladies- anyone out there, it's gone so quiet? Or, maybe you are all enjoying this gorgeous weather? I hope so  

AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi AJ, it is quiet lately isn't it. How are you?

Hope everyone else is ok?

Vicky tick, have been thinking about you. Hope all is ok and bean is growing well. 

Xx


----------



## A J

PP ....hello my lovely. I'm so sorry to read your signature update. I am gutted for you- truly as I know how much you wanted a sibling for Noah. Will you give it another go with a fresh cycle? Life sucks sometimes doesn't it? Big hug xxx

I'm going to try again with my frozen embies next week. I have 4 too but you really never know what will happen to them-totally out of our control!

AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Thank you AJ. Unfortunately the clinic don't have any answers, it was just bad luck  . We will go for another cycle but it won't be for some time due to finances.

Good luck for your treatment next week. Are you off to Spain? 

Xx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies

Yes its been v quiet I've been popping in here on a regular basis but no updates so far .

Sorry to hear about your cycle *PP* we wrongly assume sometimes that the second time will be easier but I know from friends with IVF no 1 trying for IVF no 2 is just as hard as they desperate for a sibling. 

*AJ* Good luck with your treatment next week fingers crossed this cycle goes well for you 

Hello to everyone else its been ages since we had some real updates guess everyone is getting on with things. I know that I can't believe its nearly August already this year seems to have flown by.

*AFM* Its been hard as DH has been away alot for work but in some ways its made the time go quicker waiting for him to return. So far so good with the pg I'm now 10days 1 and am due for a scan on Wed. I'm going to have a scan this week and next week with the RMC and the week after with local hosp (12wk) so its making me rest easier. The last scan on the 9th July was very good saw baby shaped blob with hb couldn't believe it really as I've never got this far as its always been mmc so to see a baby shape was amazing just a shame DH never saw but my sister loved it. Their scan equipment is amazing no full bladders needed or anything. Needless to say the last two weeks have been V V hard and I'm over analysing everything. No bleeding or pain but symptoms easing off so worried its all over but only 2 sleeps left to find out. Its the same hosp Kate M is at (although the nhs part!!) so if I catch a glimpse of the future King or Queen I'll let you know. If we can get anywhere near that is bit worried its going to be a nightmare.

Take Care all xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Marvellous news Vickytick soooooo pleased for you!
A J good luck next week
PP - So sorry to hear it didn't work out...

All good here on planet Mrs P xx


----------



## A J

Thanks for the good luck wishes everyone but I wrongly wrote next week instead of a few weeks. I'm going out to Spain on 13th Aug back on 24th so sometime between those dates (fingers crossed)  

Vicky...I'm so chuffed for you that things are going well- keep thinking positive, there is absolutely no reason for anything to go wrong and you are in great hands at that clinic   but I totally understand your fears.

Can I ask you about St Mary's (I think you were referred as an nhs patient)...when you got your bfp did you contact them directly for care during the pregnancy and how quickly did they get you in? What were they able to do/ advise?
I went for a private consultation and tests which cost just over £1,000 and I want to have their support should I be lucky enough to get pregnant again. Prof Regan has told me to take 150mg aspirin as soon as I get a bfp but I feel that I will be needing some closer monitoring at the time. My local hospital is useless and I want to try to avoid any extra costs for private treatment if possible. I have an nhs yearly follow up appt (waste of time really!!) next week and am wondering if my consultant could put in a referral now as an nhs patient- I suppose I could ask?
Hope you don't mind me asking hun xxx

AJ xx


----------



## Vickytick

*AJ* yes I was a nhs patient. Thy told me to call them as soon as I got my bfp whih I did. I then had a scan and consultant appt a week or so later. They've been monitoring me every week or 2 weeks ever since ( scan and consultant) I had a scan today and I'm now 10wk 5 so caught up with dates again and they've now discharged me until after the birth when I have to fill in a form and go back or research I think more than anything. I'm now handed over to my local nhs hosp with a letter from them detailing the drugs I've got to take ie 150mg aspirin until 34 wks and additional folic acid. It's worth a go or even contact them direct and ask as they would've given you a hosp number for your file.

Xx


----------



## A J

Thanks Vicky...I was so glad to read your update after scan. Certainly all looking really good, especially being discharged to the care of your local hospital- I'm really excited for you  
I will def contact them if (and when) I get my next bfp. Can I ask where do you get the high dosage folic acid from, 5mg? Is that on prescription only?

AJ xx


----------



## Tommi

Hi ladies
Happy Friday to you all!
How are you doing?

AJ - high dose folic acid... I got mine prescribed by my GP and took it for several months before treatment and then up to 12 weeks. I'm now just on the usual dose that's in the pregnacare tablets. Lots of luck for your treatment!    

Vickytick - glad to see that all is going well! It is very exciting! I hope you are feeling well  

Big hugs to everyone!

I had my 20 week scan on Tuesday and baby is doing well. He is most definitely a boy! I am delighted. And very relieved. Poor sonographer had to deal with my many questions and concerns and he ended up saying (in the nicest possible way) "Just go and grow your baby and stop worrying!" Little guy is still a bit ahead of himself and has long femurs so they think he will be tall! So I really need to relax into it now. Everything is fine so far. I have even bought some clothes for him! 

Have a good day all  

Txx


----------



## Vickytick

*aj* yes it's prescription only one of the things the private mc clinic recommended back in 2011 and gp agreed to it.

*tommi* great news that its all going well a boy eh is that what you expected? My family think I'm having a boy but I dont know we will find out in 4 weeks as we are paying for an early scan. After having 5 scans in 12 weeks I can't go 8 weeks without one lol. So happy for you. 

Hello to everyone else hope you are all well.

I had a panic this week and even though my 12 wk scan is next week we paid for a private scan today. Baby was doing well and moving about so all is well. As the weeks go by I know my chance of mc is lessening which is great but I'm still worried. X


----------



## MrsPootle

Brill news Tommi & Vicky - go girls!!
Gotta dash but I'm still reading xx


----------



## Vickytick

Very quiet on here. I hope everyone is okay and just trundling along with life. 

Nothing much to report for me. Still pg, well as far as I know, Ive got a gender scan 2 weeks today when ill be 17 weeks so hoping for good news. Came out high risk for downs 1:63 but decided not to have the cvs testing as we wouldn't terminate anyway so holding out for better news on 20 wk scan. Think I'd have to be v unlucky to have an issue as last 2 mc were chromosome tested and were fine.

Looking forward to hearing everyone's news. )

Xx


----------



## A J

Vicky..fantastic news hun. I love hearing success stories. Gender scan- there's exciting. I gather you want to know then? xx

I hope everyone else is doing ok?

Afm...bit gutted that my FET was cancelled at the last minute. I was out in Spain and bled the morning of tx. The clinic scanned me and found that the lining was breaking up- couldn't believe it   so now I have to do it all over again. I have kind of lost faith in the clinic now as I feel that they should have down regged me, that and a few things over the past couple of years I have been back and forth. My last attempt with them coming up in October then time to try a different clinic, or adoption??

AJ xx


----------



## Tommi

AJ - so sorry to hear that. How frustrating. I really hope that your cycle in October has a better outcome. It's just so unfair isn't it?   

Vickytick - I was originally given a 1:5 risk which was adjusted to 1:767 and then adjusted again to less than 1:10000! The chances are you'll be in for reassurance at your next scan. So great that things are going so well   

I hope everyone else is doing well and enjoying the summer. I'm getting more and more rotund. Little guy is very wriggly!

Txx


----------



## A J

Tommi....fantastic stuff my lovely- I can't believe how the weeks have flown by! xx

Hey out of us on here to start with there have been some real successes- hopefully we all will have some in time xxx


----------



## Vickytick

*Tommi* such good news and thank you for the reassurance. I do think after my last 2 mc were chromosome tested and came back fine I'd be v unlucky for this pg to have issues.

*Aj* sorry to hear about your cycle you aren't having much luck with that clinic. Lets hope they pull it out of the bag in Oct for you. Perhaps a new clinic, new perspective?

X


----------



## Vickytick

Very quiet on here hope everyone is okay. Xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening all!

Sorry for being missing in action for a while. Ive gone back to work so its been a bit hectic this end!!! 

Vickytick, lovely to hear from you and I see from your signature that you are expecting a little girl!!! Fab news!!!

Tommy how are you and your blue bump? 

AJ, Im so so sorry to read that you had to cancel your cycle. Are you cycling again now? Have you changed your clinic in the UK or Spain, or both?

Mrs Pootle, how are things with you? Hope you dont have quite a much stress to deal with at the moment lovely. 

Lovely ladies, going through the adoption process, hope that everything is moving along and you arent having to wait too long for appointments, visits etc? 

AFM, having the longest cycle ever and AF has gone AWOL!! Had a bleed after stopping the medication after we lost the embryos but have not had anything since and currently on day 46!! This didnt happen on last failed cycle and have emailed clinic for some advice but not had a reply. Its not as if I can get pregnant but didnt stop me thinking that maybe we'd had a miracle conception!!! Needless to say Im not pregnant. 

xxxx


----------



## A J

Hi everyone...how are things?

Vicky...a little girl- how lovely   I hope you are relaxing into this pregnancy as best you can xx And, Tommi- hope all is going well with you   xx

PP...blooming AF isn't it so annoying. It always plays with my head too- could I be pg? Stranger things have happened   I hope it hasn't been too difficult going back to work and that Noah is behaving himself? xx

Mrs P, Jilly Hen and all the other lovely Crimbo Crackers...not sure if you are still following but beg HELLO!!!! Hope you are doing ok?

Afm...waiting for AF before my FET in Oct. Still thinking about adoption but DH wants us to make a decision to give up on fertility treatment first...at times I honestly feel like giving up with the whole damn thing. Turned 44 last week and wanted to punch everyone when they wished me a happy birthday....feeling a bit better today as it's DH's birthday but only so much I can take

AJ xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi girls!

Vickytick - a girl - WONDERFUL news!  Sooo happy for you!  Perhaps a meet-up due soon eh?

PP - I'm ok - hope you are too?

Tommi- hope all is well with the bump!

A J - Good luck with the FET.

AFM - well, it's been a bumpy 2013 (no pun intended).  Recently, I have been embracing the fact that I am ultimately highly highly likely to remain childless.  I moved into my new pad in Roxwell (Vickytick will know where this is) where I am surrounded by fields and countryside.  It's wonderful!  I have also joined a group called "Gateway Women" which specialises in those childless - both medically and by circumstance.  I went on a weekend workshop a fortnight ago.  I'm not sure it was the best thing for me - I found talking about my past very upsetting, but I was better at looking into the future.  It hurts so bad that I can't have children - but, at the same time, I have actually moved on immensely.  It's like mourning a death - upsetting to talk about still but it doesn't hound my thoughts every waking moment.  And I can even like the idea of what NOT having children brings about in opportunities.

So it comes to a point where I think I am comfortable breaking ties with FF.  I couldn't have got through the past 4 years without everyone's love and support on this forum.  But please don't think I am breaking contact with you - if you want to stay in touch, just pm me and I'll pass on my contact details.  Nor should you feel uncomfortable talking about treatments, babies et al with me - I'm very comfortable with those types of conversations these days.  I can say that sincerely.

And so, I'm thinking of getting a dog with all this countryside to walk through - plus I am now mummy to 4 fish.  This was unexpected, the previous owners were meant to rehouse (re-pond) them!  However, I remember in my old house, I was going to get a cat, and we got as far as installing a catflap!

I'll check on for mails from time to time - so don't feel you have missed the boat if you are reading this next January.  I just wanted to explain where my head has been recently and that this is why I haven't been on so often as I adjust.

So I'll wish you all luck on your current journeys - I hope to see some mails in the future so we keep in touch,

Love
Mrs P xx


----------



## Vickytick

*Mrsp* hopefully you'll read this or else ill text you to arrange that meet up. I know of the group that you have mentioned its one Ive looked at in the past along with one i joined for about childless stepmums. I think they provide a huge service and for me even now reading the comments on the stepmums one makes me realise I'm not an ogre nor the wicked stepmother just a normal woman who has been dealt bad cards and trying to live through it. It's hugely comforting to have other women in the same boat as you. If I'm honest I think ill always see myself as different to other (non ivf/long term ttc) mothers as I struggled so hard and long to get here. Definitely get a dog even now Freddie is my world and I wouldn't be without him. Walks are gret for the soul and fitness. The countryside in Essex is lovely esp in your area.

*AJ* hope you are getting ready for your next treatment psyching yourself up mentally. It's v hard to know when to call it a day if there is ever such a point really. That's quite a defining moment.,ironically I had come to terms with never having my own child and adopting or being childless and planning everything we could do with our lives as a couple. I really hope that you get your dream soon.

*PP* sounds like going back to work has been full on for you. Hope Noah is coping okay and so are you not being with him all the time. It must be tough. Are you going to try again for no 2? I know some people have really long cycles after treatment as it takes a while for your body to get back into sync.

*AFM* I still can't believe I'm pg and waiting for it all to go wrong but hoping it doesn't. It's dragging and now I just want her here safe and sound. Watching the midwives prog is not helping either. I feel like a fraud looking at baby stuff so not really doing anything yet. Too scared.

 big hello to everyone else and I hope it's going well for you all
Xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Good morning all! 

Its been very quiet on here recently. Just wondered how everyone is? 

AJ, are you currently having another cycle? 

Tommi and Vickytick, hope you are both well? 

Hope all those going through the adoption process are having a positive experience and are getting closer to getting your long awaited family.  

Mrsp, I know you probably arent checking posts on her but just thought Id say hi and hope you are well.  

Noah was one a few weeks ago. Dont know where the time has gone!!! 

Look forward to hearing from you

xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi,

Lovely to hear from you. Agree it's been v quiet recently wonder what everyone is up to.

Can't believe Noah is one where has the time gone..are you going to ttc again or not? 

I'm doing well now 6 months but I feel like it's taking forever. I just want to see my little girl. Think Xmas will see the time go quickly though. Still can't believe its real if I'm honest and a little nervous about it all.

Hope everyone is well and love to hear updates.

Xx


----------



## Tommi

Hello ladies!

Lovely to hear the news. I've been very slow at responding... really feeling it now! I'm heading for 36 weeks and feeling rather rotund although everyone tells me I'm "neat". Very tired, especially as I'm just getting over a chest infection and cold. All a bit much combined with being heavily pregnant! Everything is ready for little guy... I just have quite a bit of work to complete. Hope I get it all done in time! I'm very slow though. 

A big hi to everyone - I hope you're all doing OK and things are moving in the direction you wish them to move. 

Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi Vickytick,
Wow, 6 months!! Not too long to go!! But I totally understand what you mean about it feeling as though its taking forever. I spent everyday worrying something would go wrong and it never felt 100% real. It will though when your gorgeous little girl is in your arms. 

We are going to ttc again and have an appointment with our clinic a week Monday to discuss the plan and dates but its unlikely to be until the middle of next year as we need to get funds together!!

Tommi, cant believe you are 36 weeks! Little man may arrive at any time then??!!! How exciting!! Keep us posted. 

Hi again to everyone else. 
xxxx


----------



## Tommi

Hi PP - as of last thursday he was on his way to being engaged so I somehow think he may not wait another 4 weeks but we shall see!

Good luck with your appointment next week.    

Txx


----------



## Vickytick

*Tommi* - how exciting he might be here soon. Two of the ladies on my dd thread have had their babies already. One at 29 weeks the other 31 puts the wind up me a bit as I have this inkling that my little girl won't wait until feb. Let us know how you get on. Get you still can't believe its all happening..x

*PP* that's great you are thinking of ttc again and I can understand the funds part. Good luck with the appt. Noah will really love Xmas this year I imagine esp the lights.

Xx


----------



## Tommi

Hello ladies   

Hope everyone is doing OK. I have been in and out of hospital with pre-eclampsia. It's on the mild side but I have been told to expect a c section any day now. Just trying to go with the flow! Baby is doing fine. Just want to know he is safely delivered now!

Hope the forthcoming festive season isn't proving too much of a challenge. Thinking of you all.

Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Tommi,
Sorry to hear you have been in and out of hospital. Are you in at the moment or home? Sounds like a c-section is the option and hopefully it wont be too long before you can meet your gorgeous little boy. Good luck lovely and I look forward to hearing news of his arrival!!

xxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Quick hello - can't resist popping on!  How did the appointment go PP?  Tommi - sounds like not long now - sorry to hear you've been in and out of hospital - pre-eclampsia doesn't sound like fun at all!  Vickytick - was in Costa today in WHSmith - was thinking of you and our last meet-up - hope all is well with you too.

AJ, JillyHen and anyone else I missed - lots of love to you.

I've had a mixed time of it, but I'm still here and surviving.  Think I've been under lots of different stresses which has finally caught up with me - but I'm on the mend...


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hello Mrs P,
Lovely to hear from you. Its totally understandable that you've been having a mixed time of it given what you have been through recently. Im so glad to hear that you are on the mend. Thank you for asking about our appointment. It went well and we are hoping to cycle again earlysih next year, possibly with embryo scoping this time. 

Tommi, hope all is well with you? 

AJ, did you have a cycle during the last half-term? 

Vickytick, how are you? 

Hope everyone else is ok and the looming Christmas season isnt causing too much stress and misery. 

xxxx


----------



## Vickytick

Lovely to hear updates.

*PP* fingers crossed for the start of the new year. A good friend from FF has just got her second bfp from IVF so it lightening can strike twice... 

*Mrsp* sorry to hear it's been tough but you've had a roller of a year so don't be too hard on yourself. It'd be lovely to meet up but I can understand seeing people pg us hard. I used to struggle even with close friends.

*Tommi* you might well have had your little miracle by now so congrats. Pre eclampsia sounds rough but they'll have the safety of you both in mind. Xx

*AFM* still holding on. I'm now nearly 30 weeks with a fidgety baby. Not sure she'll last until feb but the last few weeks have gone quite quickly. It's just marred by family issues on my side which is stressful but dh is being v good.

Hello to everyone else. I really hope all of you are well

Xx


----------



## A J

Hello lovely ladies...I'm really sorry it has taken me so long to post but I have been following you all.

It's so, so lovely to hear Vicky and Tommi winning the battle against infertility... Hopefully it will continue to rub off on those of us still battling on.

Mrs P....I'm sorry you have been having a tough time of things. Hopefully there is some light at the end of the tunnel?

PP...I expect you are looking forward to Crimbo with Noah...I'm sure his little face will be a picture!

I hope everyone else is doing OK...maybe you are just checking in now and again like me?

AFM...sadly this time of year and no joy on the baby front for me! I did have a cycle at half term which was a bfn again. Not really sure where to go with it all now. My Spanish clinic have suggested using donor sperm but haven't broached it with himself yet. I have come to terms with having a donor egg but DD is something else again especially as he has 2 children of his own. I' m thinking of going over to Serum in Greece as they may have a different take on things. We also have a home visit in view to adoption next week. DH has finally agreed to keep stum about doing treatment at the same time.
Will keep you updated!

Big hugs to you all

AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Oh AJ, I am so so sorry to hear that your last cycle was a bfn   ... I know you have already explored lots of option and forgive me if you've already has this but was wondering if endometrial scratching would be an option for you? Great news about the home visit for next week!!!

xxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls

Hows is everyone..

I have been lurking but need to sit doan and read posts properly to see what stage everyone is at.

Tommi any news on your wee man??
Aj im so sorry mrs, wwe are the in the same boat, waiting to start home assessment next month and then huby tells me he wants to try another ivf.. If thats the case we will hopefully try gcrm and have applied to lister for a free cycle.

Will post more when i do a catch up

Jillyhen x


----------



## Tommi

Hello ladies! My little big guy arrived on Friday by c-section weighing 9 pounds 13! We are home now and just getting used to feeding. He is so gorgeous! More soon.
Hope all's well with you all. 
Txx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls

Just a quick log on.

Massive congratulations, what a fabulous early christmas present.What are you calling him?

Jillyhen


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## Penelope Pitstop

Congratultions Tommi!!!! 

Fantastic news. Hope you are both doing well. Look forward to hearing more from you when you feel up to it.

Hi to everyone else.  

xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Wow what a weight. Glad he's here safe and sound. Huge congratulations.


----------



## A J

Tommi..…thats fantastic news hun!!!! Wow you must be shattered. Take some time to rest and enjoy your new bundle of joy    xxx

Hope everyone else doing OK?

We have just had initial home visit this afternoon which I think went well. Booked on training course starting Jan 23rd. Bit scary but have positive feelings of OK.

PP...I did have a scratch once before on a cycle that ended in a bfp so am hoping that Serum will try it too. They did say that they would probably do another Hysto so I expect it is done at the same time.

AJ xxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hello lovely Christmas Crackers!

Tommi - WOW! What an eye watering weight!!  Congratulations - your news made me feel very happy for you!

Jillyhen & A J - hope that whatever you decide to do - it's the right road for you both.  IVF vs adoption is such a tricky decision.

Vickytick - not long for you now - a few months? 

PP and anyone lurking and all the Xmas crackers - have a brilliant one!

Love MrsP xx


----------



## Tommi

Thank you so much ladies! He's really scrummy. He loves his cuddles and I wonder if I'm doing the right thing in indulging him all the time but he is so young and such a contented little thing. Night times can be a challenge though! Feed, feed, feed... I guess when you're nearly 10 pounds to start with you need a good intake of milk!
I hope all's well with you all.
Txx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi Everyone,

Just in case I dont get chance to pop on between now and Christmas day I just wanted to wish everyone a good Christmas.

For those of you with bumps/little ones, enjoy!

For those of you still on the journey to getting your family, please be kind to yourselves and dont do anything that you dont want to do. I hope that all your dreams come true in 2014!!

Lots of hugs   and love

PP xxxx


----------



## A J

I want to wish all you lovely ladies a Happy Christmas. I hope that whatever you do and however you are feeling that this Christmas Day is fantastic!

Don't give up on those dreams...loads of love and hugs to you all xxxx


----------



## Tommi

Hi ladies  

Happy new year to you!

Things are going well with my little bundle (who is not so little now - way over ten pounds and 5 weeks old!). We're navigating the silent reflux and colic with the help of homeopathy and cranial osteopathy and I am definitely starting to feel more human with more sleep. It's such a learning curve but I am loving it.

I really hope that 2014 is the luckiest year yet for all the lovely ladies on here.

Txx


----------



## MrsPootle

Happy New Year everyone!
Lovely to hear from you Tommi - hope everything is going well, sure sounds like it 
xx


----------



## A J

Hello everyone...just popping on to say hi! Hope all is going well, Tommi I hope your little bundle of joy is giving you so much pleasure and Vicky you are ready for it all to begin, it won't be long now?

Pp and Mrs P I hope all is well with you both, Jillyhen and everyone else too? I do miss you all on here but we are all at such different stages I guess its been hard to keep it all going.

Vicky and Jillyhen and anyone else who has touched on the adoption process in the past, can I ask how intrusive can they get re finishing fertility treatment. I am trying to do them both although of course I have told the SW we have finished treatment and moved on...I feel a bit guilty.
We had our first adoption prep course appt last night and have been given all the consent forms etc, yet am planning a fresh DE cycle next month...should I give up on one or the other?
Sorry, maybe I shouldn't be asking here but I'm hoping that one of you may be able to help

Much love and hugs to you all
AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

AJ, lovely to hear from you and fantastic news on both DE cycle next month and the progress on the adoption front!!! If I were you I would continue with both but I hope one of the other ladies can give you some more advice as they have more experience in this field. I've got everything crossed for you xxx

Tommie, hope you and your little man are doing well.

Vickytick, not long to go now....eek!! Hope you are well and we look forward to hearing the good news about your little arrival soon xx

Mrs P, Jillyhen, Mojo and anyone else I've missed hope you are all ok. It would be great to hear from you to see how you are getting on but as Aj said we are all at different stages of different journeys I know it's not easy. 

Xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hello ladies I've not been on ff for a while. We had issues on our due date board with a bit of an attention seeker causing issues so I took a bit of a back seat for a while.

*Tommi* can't believe you're been a mummy for this long now everyone says it flies by so make the most of the first few weeks. Although lots of the ladies fave you d it much tougher than expected so I know what's coming.

Lovely to hear from you *PP* and *AJ*. I've pm'd you AJ.

Yes not long and I've been lucky with this pg but I'm starting to feel it a bit now finally with 2 1/2 weeks to go. We are ready and waiting lol.

Love to all whatever you are doing. Xxx


----------



## A J

Wow Vicky just a couple of weeks to go, where did that time go? Then pm didn't come through....buy no worries my lovely. Make sure you let us know when your little bundle of joy arrives. I'm thinking about you xx

Hi PP...lovely to hear from you.  I hope all is well with you?
Hello to everyone else if your popping on to catch up, I do every now and again xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Morning all!

Wow, Vickytick, 2 & 1/2 weeks to go!!! How exciting!! Cant wait to hear from you with news about your arrival!! Keep us posted!! 

AJ, lovely to hear from you too. I have everything crossed for you for your upcoming cycle. I hope it goes well. I will keep my eye out for your posts to let us know how you get on. 

Hi to everyone else. 
xxx


----------



## Vickytick

*Aj* - I can't believe they about my pm as it took ages to write  I will do it again now.

Still no news getting bored and emotional now I jet want her here after all these years it feels like the heartache is dragging out. I've had family issues - everyone thinks they have a right to baby..- which has been getting me down and making me nervous.


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi Vickytick,
I'm so sorry to hear you've been having family problems. I know it's easier said than done but try not to let them spoil this special time for you especially as you've waited so long for it. 

I can understand why you are anxious for your baby girl to arrive. Not long to go and she will be in your arms!!!

Xxx


----------



## A J

Vicky... thank you so much for my pm the other day. You helped me a lot. Just checking in to see if LO has made an appearance yet?
Thinking about you and all the other lovely ladies on here xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hello all,

I just wanted to pop on to see how everyone is? 

AJ, Im guessing as its half term this week in some places and next if others that you may be going through a cycle about now? If you are then good luck and I have everything crossed for you.   

Vickytick, any news? Has your little girl made an appearance yet? If she has then I hope you are both well, if not then I hope you arent too uncomfortable and we look forward to hearing from you.  

I hope everyone else is well? 

xxxx


----------



## A J

Vicky...How's things?? I expect you are super busy right now...thinking of you xx
Hi everyone else xx

PP...as usual the best laid plans? Anyway, AF was late so going for tx out in Athens next weekend. Flying out Fri night, back Sun....its doable but exhausting as Heathrow straight from work on Fri and back in time for work Mon morning like nothing has ever happened. Oh the joys of this never get any easier do they?
I have also had another appt with SW re adoption....the deceit isn't great but I'm giving anything and everything my best shot ATM before I get too old!

Lots of love to you all
AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Gosh AJ, that's a busy weekend you have planned!! Try not to worry about the deceit, as you said you are giving everything your best shot and sometimes we have to tell a few little white lies in order to get what we want!!

Good luck!! Let us know how you get on xxx

Hi to everyone else. Hope you are all well? Xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi all,

Just wondering how everyone is. 

Vickytick, Im guessing your little girl has arrived by now and you are caught up in the whirlwind of a new baby? Hope family isnt causing any problems? 

AJ, have you had your cycle? Hoping everything went well lovely? 

Hi to everyone else. 

xxxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hello ladies

Apologised for not responding. Violet was born on the 18/02 after an ecs. Long labour with no dropping for both of us led to the csection. She was caught up in the umbilical cord. Quite common for smaller fidgety babies le her. She's not a sleeper lol and is awake most of the day so it's tiring and she's got reflux so we have drugs for that but it makes her cry with pain which is heartbreaking as I can't console her. But she's here and safe.  

Aj how are things with it all going I know we've discussed white lies and it's the on,y way forward to get what you want hun come hell or high water.

How is everyone else?

Xx


----------



## A J

Vicky....so lovely to hear from you. Violet is a beautiful name....I really hope that her sleeping settles into a workable pattern sometime soon as I'm sure you must be exhausted. But, hey after all those years of waiting for her to come she wasn't going to let you off that easy now! Big hug to you, DH and Violet xxxx

How's everyone else doing...another Mothers Day done for those of us still waiting? Hopefully it wasn't too painful?
PP...I hope you are doing OK? I know you check in here every now and again, not sure who else is still around? Big hug to you too. I hope Noah is behaving himself xxx
I have managed to get through the trials of the last few weeks. Another failed pg..again low hcg that went nowhere! Exactly how I'm feeling...going nowhere apart from older! Adoption SW came on Tue and again tomorrow which is tiring having to look at past etc and trying to fit the written work in is a headache. Anyway, DH hates the guilt of it all so we decided to tell her I had a natural pg and m/c last week. This was because I had bloods done at my surgery and they may well find out. She was OK but said that we are suppose to be taking precautions ATM....go jump is my response but again play along with their daft ideas. I'm not going to get pg without assistance anyway. So, still telling the white lies for a bit longer.
Will catch up with you all soon, big hugs to you all
AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi All!!

Just spend ages writing a long post and it got swallowed up!!! Arghhh!!!

Right, AJ, I am so so so sorry to hear that your last cycle didnt end well. You poor thing, sending you big big  . I hope that the SW visits are going well and that the paperwork isnt bogging you down too much. I dont think anyone would blame you for not being 100% honest with the SW about ttc, you need to do everything you can to get your dream. Do you have another IVF cycle planned? 

Vickytick, huge congratulations on the arrival of Violet. I have been thinking of you and hoping that all went well with the labour. Sounds like you both had a bit of an ordeal but at least she arrived safely. Im hoping that she is sleeping a bit better now and that her reflux is under control poor little sausage.  

Hi to anyone else that is still on here. I hope you are all well? 

xxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi ladies,

All ok in the world of MrsP.  I seem to be coming out of a testing time (er, turned out to be depression) but now I am feeling much much much better - particularly in the last 3/4 weeks.  I've applied for and got a move to another department, I'm feeling settled in my new house after nearly 7 months and my confidence and self esteem seems to be coming back.  I've put on a ton of weight, but even that is now starting to disappear.

AJ - so sorry to hear you have had another bad outcome.  I agree with PP and Vicky that white lies are surely allowable at this time.  Well done for being able to hold on to both paths so well - you must be made of steel.

PP - How are you doing?  Are you planning another cycle this year?

Vicky - glad to hear all is good and things are starting to calm down a bit!

Hello out there to anyone who is reading,

Love Mrs P xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi everyone,

Just wondered how everyone is as its been so so quiet on here.

Mrs P, great news that you are feeling better and more settled. 

AJ, how are you? Have you had any more treatment? How is the adoption path going?  

Vickytick, hope you and Violet are well? 

Hi to anyone else that is still following this thread. 

AFM, we did have another cycle in Feb/March and I am currently 15 weeks and 5 days pregnant! Still doesnt feel real and Im still scared something will go wrong but at the same time over the moon. 
Noah is great and such a lovely happy little boy. He's learning new words all the time!! 

xxx


----------



## A J

PP congratulations hun, that's fantastic news! xx

I do keep an eye on this thread and think about you all...big hello and hug to you all xx

AFM..a bit of an update. The adoption process is going along ok. We hope to go to panel in September. The work though and questioning is unbelievable! 
But,  I'm also very cautiously 6 weeks and 3 days pg. I had a double donation which has stuck so far. A bit stressed by it as HCG has been rising but slowly. Clinic have said everything is fine but I'm terrified. Early scan on Friday....feeling really, really anxious at the thought.
Will let you know how it goes

AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Oh wow AJ huge congratulations to you!!! That's amazing news!! I have everything crossed for your scan tomorrow. All that hard work has paid off.

All being well which I am sure it will be, will you continue with the panel in Sept as well or won't they allow you too once they find out you're pregnant?

Look forward to hearing from you soon xx


----------



## A J

PP...can't believe it...or actually I can as this is me. An empty gestational sac measuring only 8mm at over 6 weeks. They want to rescan me in 2 weeks, but I know what will happen....

Hard to be very enthusiastic with adoption when hopes have been raised for having my own but I will get my head around it all again
Will be in touch soon xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Oh AJ I am truly devastated for you. Life is so so unfair at times. I really hope that the scan in two weeks will be more positive and I will be thinking of you until then. Take care my lovely xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

AN just wanted to check in to see how you're doing and to say good luck for scan on Friday. I'm thinking of you and praying everything's ok. 

Xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hi ladies I hope you are well.

Huge congrats *pp* you must be very excited for a sibling for Noah. Fingers crossed it's going well.

*aj* I often think of you and how unfair life is that you can't get what you want but you are one of the most determined women I have encountered virtual or reality. I'm so sorry to hear about this pg I was reading back the posts and got excited for you. How are things?

Violet is well and coming along. She still has reflux but it's getting slowly better or just managed by the drugs I'm not sure.

Hugs to everyone and a big hello  I miss this group. Xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi everyone,

Vickytick, so lovely to hear from you and glad Violet is doing well. I hope your family are behaving themselves??!! I have to agree with you about AJ being the most determined lady you know......

.......AJ, you are an inspiration to us all!! I have been thinking of you and hope that all is well? 

Hello to everyone else who is reading. 

xxx


----------



## A J

Thanks both for your kind words (PP thank you for pm too xx)
I love hearing of your successes...gives me hope that there could be a chance for me too.

This journey has been tough beyond belief but I am one determined woman who won't be beaten. One way or another I will have a baby...just not when I want!
I have had another scan with no change and blood levels have started to drop yet still no sign of m/c. More tests and scan end of week.
Crazy body of mine...takes ages getting pg then when I do and things go wrong...it doesn't want to end

Will keep in touch my special friends xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls

I have been lurking now and again.

AJ I'm sending you massive hug.

Hope the rest of you lovely ladies are keeping well.
It's going to take me ages to get up to speed with everyone

Jillyhen


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

AJ, sending you big hugs.

Jillyhen, lovely hear from you. I notice from your signature that you got a natural bfp!!! Congrats!  Will you be having an early scan? 

Xx


----------



## A J

Jillyhen wow hun a natural bfp...keeping everything crossed for you xxxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Thanks girls

AJ how are you today??

Pp how's you?? 

Still in shock. I had been having maya massage & I think that has helped.

I've had 3scans & hcg levels checked since we found out 2 weeks ago. Getting monitored closely due to my past history plus taking 100mg aspirin. Dr did think I was either 2 early last week or another misc when she scanned me last week as nothing could be seen, hopefully 2 early so I'm back next Monday. 

Jillyhen


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi Jillyhen, 

I have everything crosed that it was just too early to see anything and that all will be ok at the scan on Monday. Keep us posted please.

Im good, thanks for asking. 

AJ, hope you are ok? I mean as well as can be. Not long now unti you finish school for the hols. 

xxxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls

How is everyone?

I just wanted to let you know that when we went for the scan with the consultant our little angel was there on scan but sadly had died. We wanted the miscarriage to happen naturally and stuck it out for 12 days i had enough and ended up having a d&C on the 15th August.

Still waiting for blood results as they sent the pregnancy tissue away to see what happened and the theatre staff had put it in the wrong fluid so all came back that it was a definite pregnancy grr. The hospital have taken bloods to check genetics.

Jillyhen


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi Jillyhen,

Lovely to hear from you but wish it was with better news  . I am so so sorry to hear what a rough journey you have had and Im really hoping that your blood results give some indication as to what went wrong so that they can get it sorted for you. Are you still trying naturally? 

Hi to everyone else. Not sure who is still reading but I hope everyone is well. 

PP XXXX


----------



## A J

Jillyhen I am so, so sorry to hear your news.  Life certainly sends some unfair twists and turns....thinking of you and sending lots of love your way xxxxxx

PP I can't believe where time is flying for you. Hopefully you are having an easy time of things? xx

I hope the rest of you lovely ladies are doing ok? I have been off here for a while, nothing much happening then all of a sudden its on again. We are going to adoption approval panel next week and the week after having my frosties transfered in Spain. Tbh....not getting my hopes up with any of it I really feel like I'm going through the motions- hope something inside changes. Or, maybe this is just a sign that I need to forget my search for motherhood & try to accept life as it is?

Hugs to you all
AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi AJ, 
Sorry for delay in responding to your last post. Wow, its all happening for you!! I hope the adoption panel goes well for you this week. What is the next stage after that? Will they then identify a child for you? Is it next week that you fly to Spain then for your FET? If you get pregnant will you be able to carry on with adoption application? Sorry, Im bombarding you with questions!! Please dont feel you have to answer them. 

I can completely understand why you feel you are just going through the motions but please dont give up hope with either path. I think its your subconscious trying to protect you after all you have been through but I am hoping and praying that everything works out and you will be a mother very soon.    

Please keep us posted and let us know how you get on. 

xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hello all,

Not sure who is still reading but a huge hello .

*PP* huge congrats I'm assuming the baby has been born now. Hope it all went well and a sibling for Noah.

*Jillyhen* so sorry to hear your news. Really hoping you get your dream one day

*Aj* how's things with you. Hope the adoption panel went well and the frosties transferred okay hun.

Things okay with us. Still feel like it's all a dream way tougher than expected as Violet has a lot of allergies and reflux etc so still not had a full night sleep. Hopefully by the time she is one lol. But she is so inquisitive and mischievous it's great to see.

Have a good Christmas ladies and I hope next year brings the rest of this group the happiness they deserve. Xx


----------



## A J

Hi Vicky, lovely to hear from you. Sorry to hear that Violet is often poorly...keeping you on your toes for sure. I'm sure she will grow out of it, but in the mean time tiring I'm sure xxx

How's everyone else doing? I do think of you all often and remember a few years back when we all met on here at this time of year xxx

Unfortunately, things haven't moved on for me but I am still plodding on in my journey at least for a little while. See what the new year brings?

Love and hugs to you all & a very happy/ peaceful Christmas all around

AJ xxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Hello my lovely golden christmas crackers!

Long time no see. Big hugs to Jillyhen and A J.  Congrats to PP on the birth of Gabriel - beautiful name.  Good to hear from Vicky and hello to Tommi if you are reading.  I hope I haven't forgotten anyone!  Hello there if I have 

I think of you all and you are honoured in that it's the only thread I check from time to time!!  For me, no babies, no trying and no adoption in 2014.  But, for me, it's ok.  I've spent the best part of 12 months coming to terms with the losses I've had.  And that is very much an ongoing process, but it really is ok.  I'm well on my way to acceptance.

Tomorrow, I come off the special meds for my blood pressure that I moved to 8 years or so ago in the hope it would bring me a child.  Ridiculous though it seems, and perhaps you all understand, whilst I've had no treatment for 2 years, it feels like it finally closes the door - which has been a really, really hard thing to do.  So, if you read this before then, spare a thought as I switch meds tomorrow night.  But I'm ready for that now.

I looked over photos from 2014 - and I recognised a smiling, laughing woman I haven't seen in a while.  And a heavier one - booooo!  I got into the London Marathon 2015, so next year will be adventures of the running kind.  This year, I watched F1 at Silverstone, visited Norway, watched the Tour De France, walked round the Lakes (we'd missed several years gone by) and saw life with new eyes.

I won't say that I won't be back here to check on you all.  I think there is always a part of me that will live on these boards.  But for me, the journey is over.  Part of me feels this might, just might, mean a miracle pregnancy, but I don't count on it, or really plan for such events anymore.

Lots of love to you all, may you enjoy Christmas, and thanks for the support and memories.
I wish you all the very best of luck in your fertility journeys too.  
I hope it brings you a happy ending - and I really, really mean that.

Love and hugs,
Mrs P xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Evening lovely ladies,

It's so nice to hear from you Vicky,AJ and Mrs P. Wasn't sure if anyone still read this thread,  I always check it from time to time to see what everyone is up to. 

Vicky, sorry to hear that violet is still suffering with reflux and allergies, I'm hoping it's something she will grow out of as I know it can be extremely tiring and frustrating for you as a parent.

AJ, you are the strongest person I know and an inspiration to us all. I truly hope that you get some answers/a way to move forward in the new tear so that you can finally get your dreams come true. How is everything going with the adoption process?

Mrs P, I was really moved by your post.... Good luck for change in medication this week.soubds like you have been busy this year and had to make some difficult decisions about moving forward.  I am still hoping for that miracle pregnancy for you and will be checking for news on this thread!!!

Good luck for the marathon too!!

Wishing you all a good christmas.

Xxxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Hi all,

Not sure if anyone still posts or reads this thread but I just wondered how everyone was?

Xxx


----------



## Tommi

Hello! I'm still here. How are you PP? We're fine. My "baby" is now 17 months. He's growing by the second! Loving being his mummy after all the years without him.
How is everyone?
Txx


----------



## A J

Hi Tommi and PP and anyone else still out there...lovely to hear that you are both doing ok- where does the time go?

Anyway, I'm on yet another 2ww...must be mad!

Adoption has actually been more stressful than ivf. We got approved last Nov, were matched with a 5 month baby girl. Went ahead and told everyone, bought baby things, pram, car seat, a cot etc moved house around all encourage by SW. Date planned for meeting, going to panel etc. Baby SW turned around at that stage and asked us to rehome one of our dogs in order for it to proceed. We wouldn't agreed as there was no reasoning behind it so she pulled the match.
Our SW upset for us etc but no link since. The concern was that because he is a rescue dog we don't know his triggers Paid for a dog behaviourist who was very favourable and wrote a report for us saying that he was no threat to another person etc, etc...but, we have had to put that awful part of the journey behind us too. Taking all the things back to the shops was hell...its making my blood boil thinking about it


So here I am plugging away again at TTC!!!

Sorry lovely ladies, I suddenly realised I dumped all that on you....I only wanted to say hi back  
AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Timmy lovely to hear from you. 17 months, wow can't believe where the time goes! 

AJ, I can't believe what you've been you poor thing, that must've been heartbreaking for you. I do despair with social services. That was totally unfair of them and unreasonable. Sorry, I don't want to bring all those feelings back again, I'm just so angry on your behalf. I'm wishing you all the luck in the world for this cycle and hope that the 2ww isn't horrendously slow. Please let us know how you get on.

Xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Hello ladies,

First time I've been on here for a long time but I'm now back having come off of the dreaded **. 

Violet is now 15 months walking and chatting. Have to admit that its been b****y hard and at times I've wondered what the hell I did trying for so long. I've struggled with meeting mums. Had a couple of bad experiences where I met someone from a local mums ** group only never to hear back from them. NCT didn't work as they didn't live that near and Violet was so hard at the start with reflux I backed off so now its very hard to get back into the 'circle'.  Violet has been through it with bad reflux, still not sleeping through the night even now and she has bad eczema so we have to see a dermatologist. 

Sorry I'm offloading now and bringing the thread down. I will say that I'm definitely a better toddler mummy than a baby mummy. Now she has her own personality and is mobile I get so much out of her.

Anyway lovely to hear from you all. Can't believe they pulled it AJ you must have been so upset. I know its taken time for Violet and Freddie (dog) to get used to each other and the dog did struggle at first but he's learnt she's not like us and actually she can get away with more than us with him.  Really hope that things work out for you. You will become a mummy one way I truly believe that as you deserve it and will make a great mum. 

PP - hope mummy of two is not too stressful and your boys and doing well.

Tommi - can you believe how quickly they are growing its scary isn't it. 

Hello to everyone else. I miss our chats and hope all the ladies are doing well whatever they are doing.

Take care and lots of love.

xx


----------



## A J

Oh wow its so lovely to hear from you all again...we have been 'together' a long time and lots has happened.
I love hearing your success stories and of course adjusting to life as mummies...I'm sure mine is to come.

Vicky I can only imagine the huge adjustments you have had to make especially dealing with Violet's  reflux and all that goes with it, you are doing so well xx

Bit of a day today. I had a bfp (I know for anyone else they would be jumping for joy) but, this is me! The line is not as strong as yesterday so I have been put on rescue shots of hcg after a blood test earlier. Results tomorrow then who knows?

Also today SW came with a link for a little. Boy, 6 months old but there are some issues that don't seem right so we need more information.
Head is mangled and no idea w hat is going to happen next it really is a today at a time. I will keep you all up to date if I haven't lost the plot by then!

Much love 
AJ xx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop

Wow AJ, what a day!! No wonder your head is mangled!! I have everything crossed that this bfp is a sticky one and that the results tomorrow are good. You are right to ask more questions about the little boy if there are issues that don't seem right. Please keep us posted. 

Vickytick lovely to hear from you. I've pm'd you about some of the things in your post.

Xx


----------



## MrsPootle

Quick hello - how is everyone?  This suddenly came up on a favourites on my laptop (which I rarely am on).
Things good here - I feel very 'back to normal' whatever the hell that is!  Having a good time but the summer seems really busy.
AJ - how did things turn out - amazing to hear about your adoption plans.  Did you hear anything from your SW?
Vicky - ah - you've disappeared from ** - thought you were just being quiet!
Anyway, hopefully I've bumped the thread up a bit and we can chat more....
Love MrsP


----------



## A J

Hello Mrs P
Lovely to hear from you.
Nothing materialised (again) for me and adoption is on hold too- story of my life! 
Tbh...as time is passing I am getting closer to accepting life without a LO. After all I am 46 this year...been on this road for too long now!

How's life treating you- good to be busy hun
AJ xx


----------



## Tommi

Hi ladies! Happy summertime to you all. Sitting here feeding my soon to be 19 month old. It is unbelievable where the time has gone. He's a walking, talking bundle of wilful loveliness! I'm still exhausted, mind. 
AJ, I'm 46 this year too. And I know some ladies in my circle who are older and either have or plan to conceive. Some have used egg donors, some have adopted embryos and some plan to use own eggs. It's so hard reaching difficult decisions but I just throw that into the pot in case it helps! Big hugs!
Mrs P and all, I hope you're enjoying the summer. Would be lovely to hear news!
Txx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Hi! How lovely to hear from you all!

Mrs p, you sound well and super busy!! 

AJ, I'm really sorry to hear your last cycle didn't come to fruition and that the adoption route is so painfully slow. I must say you are possibly the strongest and most determined person I know. I really hope that you get your dream of a child some day soon. Have you been to see DR Gorgy? 

Tommi, all sounds good with you and your little man. 

Vicky, hi if you are lurking in the background. I must warn you about the evils of Instagram too! You know I'm
not a great fan of ** myself but I naively went on Instagram the other day and promptly came off again when I realised it is very similar to ** but with more pictures!!!! So stay clear!!!

Jillyhen, hope all is ok with you?

Xxxx


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## A J

Well hello Tommi and PP...good to hear from you both too! I can't believe how quickly your little ones are growing- fantastic to hear your news xx

Nope...you probably guessed it I'm not willing to give up yet without a bit more of a fight. I actually went to see Dr Gorgy last week so waiting for the results now. DH wasn't with me so he only sent his bloods off today, maybe a week or so for the results to be ready.
I have pretty much tried all options- OE, DE, DD and a combination of embryos in a transfer. Pretty much all medications that are around. Hoping that maybe!?!??! a different combination of meds will be the magic key.

Enough about me....Anyone got any hols booked this year...or keeping fingers crossed we continue with the lovely weather we have been having? I love the sunshine  

AJ xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Sorry to take so long to reply AJ, we have a holiday booked at longleat centre parcs in September so hoping that we have a semi decent summer weather wise. What about you?


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## Vickytick

Hi ladies,

Sorry to hear that AJ hopefully Dr G will have some answers for you hun and help you in your dream. I've seen older mums than you out there so don't give up. It's more tiring but that's it really. 

Yes Mrs P had enough of the world of competing ** mummies or generally people lol. 

Tommi they are growing and I can empathise with the wilful at 17 months we get a lot of tantrums but always for me and no one else.

Pp thanks for the messages makes me feel less alone. 😄

We are off to Crete in August so hoping for a bit of rest as we've booked Violet into a creche for a couple of hours each day it's run by the English tour reps as it's an English hotel so I'm less anxious about that. Mind you if she hates it I'll keep her with me each day. No doubt she'll have everyone entertained. 

Xx


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## MrsPootle

AJ - I hope Dr Gorgy can find some new insight then - I have my fingers firmly crossed.
No hols planned for me - work has suddenly gone super bonkers but I'm sort of past caring and just enjoying the ride.
Good to see everyone on here.
PP, Vickytick and Tommi - I cannot believe how quickly the babies have turned to toddlers!
Jillyhen - hello if you see this.
Right - the rigors of Tesco call (I now home work one day a week - utterly life changing not having to do 3 hours of travel at least once a week)....


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## A J

Hello my lovely ladies....wondering if there are any of us still lurking? Think of you all at times- especially at Christmas which brought us all together (how many years ago now!?!)

I'm still around..nothing great happening in my fertility world but still plugging at it...must be mad.

How's everyone else doing? Be great to hear your news.

AJ  xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Hi AJ!

Lovely to hear from you. How are you? I'm still lurking here in the background. 

Would be great to hear from the everyone else to see how you all are.

Xxx


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## A J

PP your going to have one busy Christmas this year, that's for sure..lovely   Enjoy every minute xx

I have just had a bfn (again) so planning my next move in the NY..just not quite sure what yet. 
No movement with links from Social Services re adoption. Been approved over a year...bit of a joke really. Had a link, was going ahead, fell through now nothing? Put that right at the back of our minds and carrying on with ivf...not getting anywhere with that either. Can see a pattern here lol!

I'm doing OK though...what will be, will be. Another year older, another (none) the wiser!

Lovely to hear from you...and a big HELLO to everyone else

AJ xx


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## Penelope Pitstop

Hi AJ
I'm so sorry that you've had a bfn again and that your adoption journey hasn't been more successful yet. I truly hope that things turn around for you next year and that you get your take home baby/child one way or another. I will keep a look out for your posts.

Xxxx


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## A J

PP seems like it's just the two of here...Yes, I'm hoping next year is a better one! Despite all I'm feeling OK, just not that festive atm

Have an amazing Christmas and New Year- catch up soon when hopefully I have some better news
AJ xx


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## Tommi

I'm here too! Merry Christmas everyone!
My bonkers tractor crazy toddler says hi too. Two years old and talking non stop! Usually about tractors and lawn mowers and anything with wheels!
I hope that 2016 is the best year yet for everyone here.
Txx


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## A J

Merry Christmas to you too Tommi. Ah two year olds and talking- non stop lovely!! Hey, at least you have loads of ideas for Christmas prezzies..anything with wheels.
Have a lovely, fun filled one and an even better 2016

AJ xx


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## Vickytick

Hi ladies lovely to hear from you all. I really should set up some sort of alert thing as I only come on here sporadically now. There's not as much advice post birth so I have to try to seek it elsewhere. I ask but never get replies. 

Really hope you get some good news this year AJ and get the family you deserve one way or another. 

Motherhood continues to be a massive challenge for me but I can't believe she's nearly two already and has become a proper little girl now (although her blinking hair still is still short..😉) 

I can't believe it's been so long. I do think of you ladies and how life has gone in different directions. Xx


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## Tommi

Lovely to hear from you Vickytick! Your little one sounds gorgeous! 
Do you mind me asking about the challenges you've had as a mum? 
Big hugs to you. I hope you have fun celebrating her second birthday!
Txx


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## Vickytick

No I don't mind at all.

She had bad reflux as a baby so that nice sleeping baby everyone else got we didn't we got a screaming one then she developed bad eczema and as a result is dairy intolerant and can't eat various other foods such as tomatoes or berry fruits etc. On top of that, or prob due to, she still doesn't sleep through the night which has impacted us as a couple as we bicker a lot through tiredness esp being older. 

I'm having counselling as having years of IF then a difficult baby has really hit me especially 
when NCT ladies who fell easily all have easy babies. I felt jealous and angry still  do tbh. Full time motherhood is not the dream I thought. I don't have lots of mummy friends or a great social life. I love Violet more than anything but I miss me and my career. 

I feel my life has become a bit dull but dh life hasn't changed. He can still go out after work for a drink just call me and tell me but if I want to go to the gym it's a military planning exercise. People have also made me feel bad for sending her to nursery and admitting I'm not an earth mother because we tried so long as though that automatically should make me the perfect mother.

Sorry Ive gone on a bit. I struggle with my feelings as I know I'm lucky to have her but I have conflicting emotions about the life lost. Perhaps if she was easier I'd find it easier I don't know.


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## A J

Vicky....it's really lovely to hear from you but I'm so, so sorry that you are struggling ATM. You really do have your hands full     
I'm glad you are having counselling, I have had it at many points in my adult life both since ttc and prior to it for other struggles. I really hope it works but can take time to feel the benefits.
Sorry to hear that ff hadn't been as supportive since you have had Violet...but keep plugging at it and hopefully the right person will come along to bounce thoughts and feelings off. Have you managed to find any other support groups?

Sending you lots of love and a virtual hug  

AJ xx


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