# This is it, the day has come I just can not do it any more



## Liz11 (Oct 28, 2004)

Today I had the phone call that none of my embies made it through the screening PGS. I had 11 eggs collected 9 fert and they were able to take cells from 8 of them for PGS but they were all abnormal = so after £9000 and 3 months on this cycle I can no longer do it  

I can say we have at least tried. I have had a total now of 10 Full IVF's two with ICSI not counting the IUI's 

I need to accept and be greatfull for my lovely little girl  who came to us on our 5th IVF and come to terms with the fact she will always be an only child 

I wonder if it gets easier to accept , it will seem odd now after years and years of txt's to just stop ....

I have found this site to be a godsend to me at 3am with my cuppa and when I just cant face going over it all again with my hubby - 

I wish everyone on this site and who read this post all the luck and strength in the world to archive your dream


----------



## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Liz
I am so sorry to see your news.    

As you say, no-one can say that you haven't tried your hardest.  I admire your determination - I am currently on my third IVF cycle which is proving to be less than straightforward.  We have been ttc now for 9 years and this weekend I realised for the first time really how much of a toll it is taking on both of us.  I am not quite ready to give up yet - we have this cycle (if I actually manage to get to ET) and two frozen embryos to go, but I am starting to understand that there will come a time when I cannot go on with tx any more.  I find the prospect of giving up the hope of having a family terrible to contemplate but I have now spent almost a quarter of my life with things "on hold" and I think there will come a time when the need to prove to myself that I have tried my best will be outweighed by the need to make the most of the rest of my life and not always to have this huge black cloud hanging over me.  I don't know if it will become easier to accept but perhaps it gets easier to find ways to cope.

Best wishes to you, your hubby and your little girl.

Ellie


----------



## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Liz
I am so sorry for your news regarding your embies  , it must be really devastating to hear.

I have just had a setback too and one of the options dh and I discussed was not continuing, as the month after month disappointments and negatives and not to mention the cost and our life being on hold is really taking its toll on our emotions and mental state and we have only had 2 failed ICSI's. 

Giving up this ttc through tx will give you back your life, and its the only light at the end of the tunnel after failure, as far as I am concerned. You have your lovely daughter and so are very lucky and can give her all your love. I hope you can soon start to enjoy your new life free from ttc. 

Lx


----------



## Kelly42 (Jan 28, 2006)

Dear Liz

I am so sorry.  

That final acceptance of anything we don't want to face is soooo hard.
You will have no regrets as you giave it your all. You must have incredible reserves of strength and determination. 

I am about to go for IUI number 2 (of 3) and will then call it a day. At my age (43 last weekend-how did that happen??) having already lost one, I think my chances are very slim. 

So, here's all the best to all of us trying to realise our dreams.
Love and strong positive vibes to everyone
Kelly


----------



## cesca (Sep 18, 2004)

Liz I know how devastating it is to go through all those cycles and nothing to hold in your arms at the end. At our last ivf cycle we had 7 embies PGS tested and only one came back normal .it went to blasocyst and was put back and still it didn't take .there seems to be no rhyme nor reason to any of this . We were devastated as our longed for baby was no longer a hope . We decided not to have another go and put and end to it...until we discussed donor eggs . This took along time to come to terms with but now as our turn now approaches and I am downregging We are soooo excited as we may yet have a babe to hold in our arms . 
whatever you decide  I wish you all the best as I know how long and hard the IVF road is . Remember you have each other and your daughter to bring happiness once again into your lives  cescaxxx


----------



## three_stars (Jan 19, 2006)

Liz,

It is a tough choice to make but perhaps a liberating one.  
6 months ago when my french RE closed the file on me as I have old eggs and DP as MF,  I went a bit made, obsessively researching everything.  My God I think I could have gotten a Masters or PHD with less work.  I tried one more time even knowing the chances were next to nil as DP refused to think about donors.  I initially could not have imagined using donors either.  but over time, lots of post, chatting, support, research I have now found a clinic, a donor and am going to give it a shot.  
My DP put me through so much stress and grief.  He needed to come to terms with it as well.  Now amazingly he is OK.  Well the less I speak about donors the better.  I am open, he prefers privacy so I have to respect that.
I already regret wasting that last cycle- time, money-expense-  But I guess we both needed that closure to-  I still even wonder if I had used donor sperm it might have worked.  DP has agreed to use Donor sperm on half the eggs this time.  I am paying it all and doing everything- at least he realizes that it takes its toll on me and he need not make it even harder.  I have decided 2 cycles of DE are doable for me.  By then I would be 46 and I think will also have to say- maybe it is time to move on.  We have our DDs and we love them to death.  I want to give her a sibling and have a bigger family but life is already great having her and Ifeel so very lucky sometimes to have finally been successful 3 years ago.

I wish you all the best- with you choices and your life ahead.


----------



## Liz11 (Oct 28, 2004)

Thank you all for your lovely thoughtfull messages sharing your experiences with me, we all have our stories to tell that are so sad and seem so unfair. 
This week has been odd, it is like someone has died but I also have this strange I think the work is relief...I am hoping all will get better with time .. 
One this is a strange thing for me - I know this is it the end of the line. they say you know when enough is enough and I wasn't sure but you do in your heart. 

I have been looking for books or giving some thought to counselling to help me come to terms and closure. 

I will log on if a few months from time to time to let you all know how I am doing and how it feels.

take care you all


----------

