# Brand new



## Glitterintheair (Jun 8, 2010)

Hello everybody, 

Well I'm new to all of this and scared/excited/apprehensive! 

Me and my girlfriend have talked about adoption for a while now, we are currently trying for a baby with a known donor, using artificial insemination at home. We had a pregnancy last year followed by a miscarriage at 7 weeks 
 so we took and break and travelled to Asia and found ourselves again.

In my heart I really don't know if I can conceive naturally, we have only managed one pregnancy out of 30 months of trying, I have lost two stone since and am desperately trying to stay healthy. I think we are going to give it a year of trying naturally then look at adoption. 

What I'm interested in though is do we really have a chance of being accepted? As a gay female couple in our 30's will we be rejected because of not matching criteria? We have been together for 3 years, have our own home, both have great stable jobs and I'm able to take up to a year off for adoption settlement. However I can't get out of my head that they will be like 'oh here's another gay couple adopting'... 

We have no hesitation in adopting rather than going through IVF or IUI as it would mean that both of us are equally involved rather than just me being pregnant. As you can tell my head is all over the place now, please don't shoot me down I am really serious about this as a future option and when we were talki about it this morning it was the first time in ages I've seen us relaxed and excited! 

Can anybody give any opinion? Gemma


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## baby0684 (May 20, 2012)

Hi

Firstly to say well done for loosing the weight!

Most agencies say that you need to not have been trying for a baby for 6months - 1 year. To make sure that you are happy with decision of not haveing a birth child.

I wouldnt say that you being in a gay relationship is a barrier. I would say that you are a very stable couple from your post. 
You would just need to think about how you would explain different relationships to your child. And be aware of others around you, (when kids get older they pick on kids for all sorts).


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

Hi Gemma - have you heard of New Family Social? They are one of several organisations who may be able to answer your queries specific to adopting as a lesbian couple. There are also blogs by other couples at various stages in the process.

From my experience reading these blogs, lesbian couples have the same range of experiences with adoption agencies as other prospective adopters. So it's really about finding the agency that you can work well with. Nothing you shared sounds like a reason to pause, other than giving yourselves some time after stopping the insemination to grieve. Adoption is a decision best made separately to your desire for a child, as you will be more than just parents.  Agencies will be looking more into how you decided adoption than the fact that you are gay or are in your 30s.   They may also say 'why now' aka three years into your relationship.

Good luck with whatever you decide!


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

I don't think they will have any concerns about you being a same sex couple or only together for 3 years. They will definitely say you have to wait a minimum of six months from whenever you stop having treatment and possibly more depending how long it is since you're miscarriage. (that's certainly what they said to me anyway) They're very big on "grieving your loss" and appear to think six months is some magic time frame.

Good luck whatever you decide.


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

Hi and Welcome
I know a same sex couple who have adopted successfully in our area..and they know others too  
there is a specific LGB board on the Adoption UK website message boards which may be useful to you to read/ask questions


good luck..


kj x


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi,
Ditto Keemjay - we meet them as part of our agencies post adopt meets and they have a fab relationship with their kids.

Being gay shouldn't be a barrier 
X


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## Glitterintheair (Jun 8, 2010)

Ladies I can't thank you enough for your lovely replies   you have made me feel very welcome and very happy! As soon as I pressed 'post' this morning on my question I was apprehensive about what may come back but you have all been very kind. 

I thought there may be a 'wait' after TTC before officially applying, I can truly understand this as there is definitely a grieving process, and time to prepare for the next step too. 

I would be really interested in talking to other LGB adopting parents and will have a look at the website for sure. 

My life isn't looking quite so dull now  

Gemma x


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## Jess75 (Nov 4, 2005)

Hi

There was 2 same sex couples on our prep course and also the adopter who came along to talk to us about his experience was also in a same sex relationship. Good luck to you both sounds like you would make wonderful parents.


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## MummyAuntieKatie (Oct 18, 2012)

Welcome!  

We had a same sex couple (ladies) on our course too and there was no question that they would be able to adopt.  Much good luck for when you decide which way to jump and for a pregnancy from your donor xx


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Hi Glitterintheair,

I'm sorry to hear about the problems you're having conceiving, and the loss of your baby last year.

Regarding adoption, there's definitely no issue with being in a same sex relationship, although as with single adopters they will want to know you have positive male role models in your children's lives, so your support network would need to include some men who would see your kids regularly.

They may feel 3 years is a fairly short relationship in terms of adopting, but by the time another year has passed and you've had time to move on from trying to conceive, and then you are assessed, it'd probably be nearer 5 by the time you get to panel.


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## nicola jane (May 14, 2013)

we had a same sex couple on our course and they were matched rather quickly..but we got told on the course some children are petrified of men for good reason so would match them with same sex female couples and vice versa !  x


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

Good luck with what you decide   

At our prep course, we had great excitement from the SWs as we were having a mother with her adopted son (aged 1 come to talk to us, which was a first. It turned out she was part of a same sex couple.

They adopted older children, sibling boys. They did have some real issues with them, and she did admit they didn't ask for help as they were worried they'd get a stereotypical response of 'oh well maybe if they had a male parent this wouldn't happen...' But this was 12+ years ago, and she says now she wouldn't hesitate.

The LGBT board on here is very good, a friend of mine posts there, she and her wife are undertaking a cycle of IUI as we speak


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

Hi Glitter

On my info session last week the adoptive parent who came to talk was one half of a same sex couple.  I think I may have fallen in love with him a little bit, he was just the warmest and most welcoming person.  As far as I can see he and his partner had gone through the system pretty quickly- they did adopt a sibling group and slightly older children, but very much because it was their choice.  He seemed utterly at peace and full of bliss at being a parent and it sounds like his children have settled in remarkably.

On the other hand, my best friend and her wife have a three year old- they used a known donor.  They are such a happy family and what they did was 100% right for them.

Whatever you decide, there is absolutely no reason why you cannot be parents, it is about what you have to offer a child.xxx


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## Doofuz (Mar 9, 2008)

As with so many others on here, we met and are now great friends with a lovely female couple who panel in two weeks. They would probably be the first to admit that the road hasn't been easy and they know that as well as being able to provide as good male network for their child, they will almost undoubtedly face discrimination. What do you as a couple have to offer a child? A good home, love and safety - that's the basis required for adoption, lots more to learn besides. 3 years may seem a short time but you have both been through a lot in those 3 years and are obviously very close and able to talk with each other. Get this across to a social worker, no different to what my H and I have had to do. Good luck with your next step, you both deserve it as much as anyone else, however it comes


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## Kristyw (Jan 25, 2005)

'As soon as I pressed 'post' this morning on my question I was apprehensive about what may come back but you have all been very kind'

I did read gay female and not 3 headed mass murderer? Are there really people out there that would make you feel such apprehension? Wow what a bubble I must live in! Anyway, sorry I cant help I'm suffering from insomnia just now so reading every post regardless of its relevance to me. Just couldn't not comment sorry. I wish you all the very best and I hope that some day our world gets past some stupid hang ups that we seem to have.
Good luck xxxxxx


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Hi
Im part of a gay couple going through  adoption and have been lucky to have a really diverse LA. being gay will not stop you adopting. If you need any advice you can PM me


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## Glitterintheair (Jun 8, 2010)

Hello everyone,

Thank you again for your kind messages, we feel that this is maybe still a year or two away as I wouldn't want the LA to think I was rushing into a decision, and we would have been together 4 maybe 5 years by the time we officially apply.

*Kristyw* - I couldn't help but laugh at your comment! It seems amazing doesn't it but the kind of discrimation we face never ceases to amaze me in every day life. Sometimes I think I am a 3 headed mass murderer with the kind of thing bullies say to me in the street 

*sass00* - I'm so glad you have got a diverse LA, I wish you the very best of luck and will definitely PM you.

*Doofuz* - Thank you for your kind message, as a couple we can offer a warm, safe, loving and stable home, we also both have big very welcoming families who adore us and would treat any prospective adoptive child as equal too. I think we deserve it too 

*Barbados girl * - Aw he sounds lovely! It's interesting to think that we could be 'parents' either way, and makes my heart melt when I think of it.

*katiec* - Thank you for your kind words, i'll definitely have a look at the LGBT board.

*nicolajane* - wow I didn't think of that! That's a very good point and something I will take on board thank you.

*Wyxie* - We are very lucky and very grateful to have lots of males in our life, we are both one of four siblings so lots of Uncles and nephews 

*Auntiekatie* - Thank you for yourgood luck wishes, it all means a lot to us.

*Jess75* - thank you for your lovely comment, that's so kind, I really think we'd make great parents too as we have so much to offer.

I'm so excited! (for the first time in a long time)

Gemma X


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## julesF (Apr 7, 2009)

in our prep group we met a gay couple, their girls have been placed for our a year now, they just had to show there would be still be a male influence and this came from their brothers the girls uncles


best of luck


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## Marley49 (Mar 4, 2013)

Hello 


Welcome.. I am in a lesbian relationship and we are just about to start our home study.

More than happy if you want to message me for a chat..
We haven't faced any problems, we have only ever found that most work sheets, booklets etc are aimed at mummy and daddy but that's no problem really.

We have been fully accepted and we have been treated equally 

Xx


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