# My log of frustrations - Just for a laugh...........



## Fertilityhawk

So I thought I'd list a few of my frustrations with the whole IVF process, these include the lead up really, I need to work on a list for actually cycling.  It is meant to be very light hearted and hopefully with give just a couple of people a chuckle.  It did feel quite nice to list them all down

•	Stop all alcohol intake  
•	Stop all sugar intake  
•	Do not let another caffeinated drink pass your lips  - seriously you will be forever barren if you do not adhere to this rule!! 
•	No processed food, not even a solitary pizza when you’ve had the day from hell, and all you want to do is cry and curl up on the sofa and watch crappy tv.  But then go on a massive guilt trip as that one pizza could ruin EVERYTHING!!!   
•	Decline every invitation out with friends because they will be drinking and having fun and you just can’t bear the carefree attitude of your smug friends who have children. 
•	Lots of meat – annoy the hell out of your butcher by asking about the life of the chicken you are just about to purchase, was it happy, was it healthy?
•	No carbs
•	No Gluten
•	Not too much meat – huh  
•	Have a few carbs  
•	Drink 16 gallons of water each day – OUT OF A GLASS BOTTLE!!!  
•	Drink 15 gallons of Milk each day – but these all come in plastic containers – eeeeek find the nearest, most expensive farm shop you can and just hand over your credit card  
•	Throw away ALL of your plastic containers – ONLY USE GLASS  
•	Spend a feckin fortune on replacing everything
•	Spend your entire life reading the labels on the back of everything just in case it contains a single gram of “harmful plastic”
•	Relax, BUT be focussed
•	Keep having sex, because you just never know – yeah right   
•	Have acupuncture
•	No scrap that have reflexology instead
•	No sorry scrap both of those, and just drink the smelly mushroom drink you get from your local Chinese herbal “healer” and you won’t even need IVF - seriously
•	Keep active, but not too active!!!  Oh bugger I won’t be able to compete in that IronWoman challenge I keep threatening to do   
•	Drink Pineapple juice
•	No don’t drink pineapple just, just eat the core from the middle – ewww
•	Realise you have almost every single book on IVF and Conceiving

And don’t you just love the quotes from “helpful” friends and family

•	“Just relax it will happen” –  F*** off!!
•	“When you stop trying it will happen” – F*** off!!!
•	“Isn’t it about time you had some kids, you’re not getting any younger” – oh F*** I’m going to be on a murder charge
•	“My friend was trying to conceive for 6 months, she just gave us smoking and cut out the kebabs and she got pregnant straight away” – oh poop there goes the double murder charge


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## KnittyGritty

So true!


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## MrsRL

Very true


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## littlerosie

Anticipate a pregnancy announcement every time you leave the house, have a smile pastered on your face in anticipation.
Turn off the radio, ******** and avoid everyone to avoid announcements but find out that your cousin is expecting an unwanted child as you pick up your ivf meds in the pharmacy!!!


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## Hopefulshell

He he  Those made me laugh! Who would ever have thought obsessive could be funny?! (I've been on a fertility/immune diet for TWO years which is becoming less funny by the day!!) 

How about - never planning anything. Ever. Just in case. After all there's nothing more cheerful than seeing an empty calendar after you've failed tx!! 

I love those statements you listed from 'well meaning' friends! What is this obsession with the 'relax and it'll happen' mantra?! IVF clinics would lose millions if all we had to do was chant at a yoga retreat and hey presto! Fools  

x


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## Northern

This made me laugh!!   

Can I add - "definitely no baths"   how am I supposed to relax without a glass of wine and a nice hot bath?!?


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## Hopefulshell

he he  What do you mean it's not as relaxing drinking a glass of pulverised vegetables while standing in a shower?! Who needs a bath and a glass of vino when you can sip a lovely green concoction from that must-have magic juicer that you've just discovered is THE answer to IF  

x


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## Tincancat

Steph this is so funny and so true. brilliant 
TCCx


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## Northern

Ha you're right, give me a glass of green vegetable sludge anytime - who needs wine!


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## NicUK

This has given me a laugh, thanks Steph! 

I actually looked for wheatgrass (*gags in anticipation*) and bee pollen  in a health food shop today! 

But hey, if I just lose weight/relax/go on holiday/stop thinking about it (delete as applicable), tada it will just happen right?     x


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## maybebaybee

Just imagine, if all of these "tips" worked so well and were so easy to help you get pregnant, we'd all have about 25 babies each by now!


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## Fertilityhawk

Ah ladies I'm so glad you liked the post, and thank you for sharing too. I'd forgotten about the no bath rule and the slush shots/smoothies, my word they're hideous.

I also really resonant about not be able to plan anything lol, then being left with absolutely bugger all to do if tx fails  

I've also had the "it's not all it's cracked up to be having kids you know, make the most of it" i feel like saying yeah I bet your kids love to hear that - fools


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## Fertilityhawk

Oh and don't get me started on the articles in the press. Just stumbled on this one, it seems all we have to do is lose 9lb and then voila you won't even need IVF  

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3673925/Just-small-weight-loss-aid-chances-getting-pregnant-naturally-scientists-find.html

/links


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## Handstitchedmum

For girls with insulin resistance and/or PCOS, just losing a small amount of weight can cause "ripples" in your hormonal system which may improve the quality/frequency of ovulation. So, unless your GP says otherwise, aiming for healthy weight loss may increase your odds. I like it just for mental well-being, though. 

Loving this thread. Xx We were consumed by the "planning"... And the brazil nuts... And the testing. 

I never want to see another pregnancy test or brazil nut in my life!


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## Angedelight

This is hilarious!!
I was just thinking the other day I might write a list of things I wish I'd known before getting on this crappy rollercoaster that is fertility treatment. You've ticked loads of them!
Others-
-You'll be an expert in reproductive sciences..
-Spontaneity in terms of going out/drinking/sex will be a distant memory.
-Social situations become absolute mine fields. As does social media. You only go out to things where there is no chance of pregnancy/baby talk.
-You battle between your acupuncturist saying you shouldn't do hardcore exercise as all energy needs to go to your reproductive (non productive) system and your mental health. Mental health wins but then feel guilty.
-Even if you do have any spontaneous fun such as drinking you wake up feeling bad about the supplements you forgot to take the night before.
-You'll spend £100's, probably £1000's on supplements/acupuncture/counselling and anything else which 'might help'. That's as well as the £1000's on treatment itself.
-You'll get to the point where it takes every ounce of willpower when asked if you have children NOT to say No, but I have 30 dead embryos or so.
-IVF does not always work the first time. Or second, third or fourth.
I read that Daily Mail article too- I wanted to throw my phone into the pool. I'm currently on a 2 week road trip in Florida as a blow out before ANOTHER full on detox before the next cycle. I now also know the egg has a 3 month cycle so detox starts 1st August with treatment in November sometime. 
God, I was so naive when all this started!!
Anyway, this thread has been amazing for an uplift. Love stuff like this. Keeps me going.
Xx


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## sandyman

Just love it! So glad we are all as nuts as each other!! Stay crazy my lovely ladies!


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## K jade

Make use of that food blender you've had stashed in your cupboard for 5 years and put it to use making vile green juices. 

actually become accustomed to the vile green juices to the point your are drinking them for fun!

find yourself on a 5 year detox programme and get used to the comments 'have you had botox, you don't look your age, you have NO CELLULITE..!' and my personal favourite 'your ass looks amazing!!

Become hyper vigilant to parents pushing along twin prams. 'must be IVF, there's no way that's not IVF'

Hate everyone with non identical twins who doesn't admit to IVF (as if  )

Hate everyone who doesn't need IVF at all for that matter.


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## MrsE1982

Some of my recent ones.....

"when are you next at the clinic?" asked very loudly when bumped into MIL at Tescos checkout!
"its amazing what they can do isn't it?" pretty much a constant from my parents
"great timing, you can have all of our pass me downs, it'll be soooooo cheap for you" on telling SIL that we are starting IVF just after hers is hitting 6 months. 
"are you sure you just don't need a holiday" FIL after numerous conversations about Donor sperm and DH's chromosome disorder. 

Thinking that as I am now 34 most of my mates who are going to reproduce have done it already...but seeing another wave of babies come through on ******** from people i haven't spoken to for 15 years! Currently 4 for July and we are only on the 5th. 

Getting wound up about people using 'your name' even though you have never had a discussion about babies with them and they have no idea you are TTC.....and anyway by the time you have yours, their kid will be 17!


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## Fertilityhawk

Hahahaha MrsE I love your list, my mum always has a habit of telling me each week of someone else who I may or may not know that is also infertile, it's like a little club  

Most of my friends have got children and scarily some of their kids also have kids now, and that is truly depressing lol

Xxx


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## jdm4tth3ws

a friend (mother of 5, 14 yrs younger than me) trying to help last night. 
Look my advice is to stop using, clomid, and charting ovulation via pee sticks and scans etc and well just start   for the fun of it. Enjoy yourselves, and stop timing everything. it works for me.  
i tried explaining. my side. old eggs, insulin resistant PCOS, iron, vit d and thyroid all controlled by meds. his side. low count, low motility, high morphology and clumping. response. nah none of that matters. stop stressing, stop charting and just enjoy each others bodies. it will happen. so i said. 2 rounds of ICSI 2 IUI DS, 4 DONOR EMBRYO CYCLES, 8 miscaariages. where in the hell does relaxing and enjoy each other get us our last child. no no no it will happen  

i changed the subject but really wanted to tell her to stop trying to teach he grandma to suck eggs


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## sandyman

Haha these are all so fab.... 
I know people mean their best by saying things, but honestly would prefer it if they turned round and just said "you know what, that sucks!" End of. Stop with the pointless advise. 
And k jade, what are you putting on those juices to get those comments?!? Do share!!


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## magicpillow

Love this thread - all so true and funny!

God I hate the 'relax and it will happen comments'.  Someone at uni who I confided in also said 'don't lots of people have ivf and then it happens naturally?'  Errr maybe occasionally but we have no sperm so that will never happen for us!  I get so mad at these comments as people probably think it's just because I'm old and/or fat but actually it's a no sperm situation!


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## violeta

Some of these resonate so much, haha! If anyone's seen my 'JUST RELAX' button, it'd be great if they could just give that a push as I'm sure that's probably where I've been going wrong. I think it's possibly in between my shoulder blades as I can't reach that area myself. *takes tongue out of cheek*


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## kgemini

Haha so very true.


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## Fertilityhawk

soooooooooooo went to the races with my SIL on Saturday for a family hen party.  SIL is currently 8 months pregnant with her 2nd.  On the way there she tells me that she'd planned it all wrong, she didn't want to be pregnant over Christmas & New Year and definitely didn't want a baby that was born towards the end of August and would therefore be the youngest in the academic year        I feel so sorry for her............BIG FAT NOT!!!

and then she asks what our plans are for our next IVF so we discuss that for a bit and then she says "can't you just go on holiday and relax for a couple of weeks"

I tell you what I really do love her to bits but I could have quite happily bashed her around her head with a foam bat


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## violeta

It's funny how talk of fertility treatments makes so many people a sudden expert on fertility, haha. Even when I say that the DOCTORS AND CONSULTANTS at both clinics I've been to have said that everyday stress doesn't affect fertility and that "just relaxing" doesn't help, people *still* insist on disagreeing and tell me that I just need to stop trying/take a holiday etc. because that worked for Woman X and Woman Y. I forgot that pseudo 'knowledge' gained from Chat and Take A Break style magazines (i.e. I adopted then got pregnant!) trumps the doctors' seven years of medical school and years of experience in the field. Silly me, haha!


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## Angedelight

I've even responded to one of those comments with 'Really? I'll tell the NHS, they'll save a fortune'. People are so stupid!!. Even when I say we have diagnosed issues on each side that makes it pretty much impossible for a natural conception they still don't get it. Then you get the mythical women stories and then you want to slap them!.
My MIL even wrote a list of fertility foods for us and the benefits of them. Brazil nuts? Great, so much cheaper than all the other drugs- I'll let my consultant know! 😂
I guess it's a vicious circle in some ways. I'm not open with our issues anymore because of having lost patience for all of the above but I suppose people will continue to remain ignorant if not educated or if they don't know. There definitely isn't much awareness about fertility/infertility. 
Keep going girls xxx


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## magicpillow

Oh god I can completely empathise with you all on that front!  I get told similar things all the time and I do feel like saying that although relaxing / healthy eating and whatever else might be great for some, we have NO SPERM so it's never going to happen naturally for us!  I really hate it at the moment when I keep getting told about people who went through x number of ivf cycles and conceived naturally.  Great for them but that will never happen for us!

The other thing really annoying me at the moment is the media's portrayal of ivf being all about career women who have 'left it too late'.  There is never anything about male factor infertility which accounts for a good 40% of cases these days and then other medical issues such as endo, blocked tubes, no tubes, PCOS, NK cells etc.  Quite a few people know about our ivf and as I'm nearing 40 and a bit overweight, I'm sure they probably think we need it because of that (as that's what the media are always showing).  Feel like shouting from the rooftops we have male factor although I wouldn't do that to my OH!


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## Fertilityhawk

Hi magicpillow
100% agree with you about the media's portrail of people who need IVF. And don't even get me started on BMI it's my ultimate pet hate and major annoyance. I get so mad when discussing it. It's a totally outdated calculation that is used to beat people over the head with and make them feel bad about themselves. My starting healthy weight would be 7.5 stone as I'm only 5ft 2. Jesus Christ if I was that weight I'd look emaciated. Could I do with losing weight? Yes. Is it stopping me from getting pregnant, no I don't believe so. Im a size 12/14 and by no means obese. 

Grrrrrr


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## magicpillow

Yes I agree Steph.  I'm around a size 14-16 and I think my bmi is 29 but I'm the fittest I've been for years as for the last 5 months I've been at bootcamp 3 times a week, walking 5 miles twice a week and doing 20 mile bike rides at the weekend.  I feel strong and more toned but still heavy!
I'm really conscious about my age now as I'm sure some people will think I can't conceive because of my age whereas it's actually severe male factor!


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## maybebaybee

Saw this on a fitness forum today and had to share. Paraphrasing the text so as not to identify the person outright:

"I told my friend and this helped them get pregnant. Boxers are best for the guy because you need to keeping his area cooler to help boost sperm. And having sex too often depletes sperm count."

So, those of you with male-factor infertility just stop having so much sex and switch your underpants. Boom, it's easy!


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## magicpillow

OMG!!!! No words!  My OH has zero sperm and so far cool pants, not dtd too much, copious zinc and all manner of other supplements have made no difference at all!  Some people....


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## MrsE1982

I had a good one on going in for a hysteroscopy..

Trainee nurse (she was about 12)....'can we just jab this needle in to you to do a pregnancy test, we have to be sure before you have the procedure?'

Me....'I appreciate that you have to do it as I could have gone off with the milkman, and I'll do it for you to tick a box, but I assure you there is no need for this test as my husband doesn't produce sperm...in fact if he did produce sperm, I probably wouldn't be here and would be at home right now giving breakfast to my gaggle of kids'

Trainee nurse....'erm let me just ask someone'

Disappears - never to be seen again.


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## K jade

Well done MrsE! 
People r so ignorant. Can't stand it. No excuse, she was working in a fert. Clinic and should have read her stuff

It always amazes me just how much people assume their Fertility is a given 
It's like when u hear people say 'oh when I have kids...' 
A friend said a very refreshing thing the other day
'when I get pregnant... I mean assuming I don't have Fertility problems and that.. '
I was like allejula!! 
Finally people are starting to get it..


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## violeta

maybebaybee said:


> Saw this on a fitness forum today and had to share. Paraphrasing the text so as not to identify the person outright:
> 
> "I told my friend and this helped them get pregnant. Boxers are best for the guy because you need to keeping his area cooler to help boost sperm. And having sex too often depletes sperm count."
> 
> So, those of you with male-factor infertility just stop having so much sex and switch your underpants. Boom, it's easy!


This one infuriates me. It's on SO many blogs out there (another reason why blogs should be ditched, unless they are the blogs of medical professionals!). There's probably some evidence to say it helps a tiny bit, but I doubt it's enough for very low sperm counts or zero sperm. Switching to boxers won't magically make you pregnant, haha.


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## Fertilityhawk

Hey ladies

I just have to rant, I know this has been said many many many times before but I'm so frustrated at not being able to plan anything for the future.  I love having things to look forward to.  I was just thinking of booking a holiday for me, hubby & the pooch before realising we can only book things last minute "just in case"


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## Hopefulshell

Go ahead and books things petal. If you have to cancel later on it'll be for a happy reason so you won't care. Don't put your life on hold (anymore than we have to). We all need things to look forward to and never more so than when going through this tough journey.

X


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## maybebaybee

I agree 100% with Hopefulshell. Book a trip! Buy trip insurance if you want, but do schedule something for yourselves. It's so nice to have something to look forward to.

I've put my life on hold for too long with this stuff, so this year we booked our nice Christmas holiday as we wanted. Yep, it's non-refundable because that was cheapest. If this BFP sticks I will be 6 months pregnant, possibly with multiples. We decided we'll cross that bridge later. For the moment, we are happy we've got a holiday to look forward to and we're thrilled with our first ever BFP this week. I can't complain.


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## Fertilityhawk

sooooo I went to the doctors yesterday for my blood test results to see if I do actually have PCOS or if my consultant is just clutching at straws. My FSH has dropped to 4.4  shocked by this but suppose its good news.

Anyway the doctor was very sympathetic but offered very little in the way of good advice, I got the usual:-

*Doctor:* I've known people who have gone through IVF and then got pregnant naturally *Me:* blah blah blah blah blah

*Doctor*: Sometimes you have to be happy with the life that you have and find peace in your current circumstances - 
*me:* WTF 

*Doctor:* You just need to relax and be in a positive happy place - *me: * yeah I've not heard that one before.

*Doctor:* Just keep on trying naturally - *me:*    what do you think I've been doing for the last 5 years!!!!!!!!!!!!

grrrrrrrrrr it was like she was checking off every cliché in the book without offering any kind of constructive help whatsoever.

So I left, feeling mildly irritated but totally not shocked by this, it's quite sad that I'm now used to these kind of attitudes.

Anyway I've just got the news today that my cousins daughter (21 years old) had her 2nd baby yesterday and my sister in law is due to give birth next week to her second.

Game face on for the next couple of weeks


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## magicpillow

That is awful Steph - how insensitive and lacking in empathy!  At least my GP appears to understand, or at least doesn't say those things.  Unless people have gone through it, they really have no idea. 
A friend of mine is a GP and a lovely one at that but said that she gets women in who are having fertility issues who act like it's the end of the world but they should be focusing on the good things in their life.  There is more to life etc.  Thing is, I can say that to myself and list all the good things about not having kids but it's such a deep seated biological urge, it's very hard to override it with practicalities!


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## maybebaybee

This kind of behavior drives me a bit crazy. I suppose some doctors are just trying to make us feel better but it comes across completely the wrong way. We seek their help because it's not working for us on our own. It's so easy for them to say "there is more to life" but when you've spent the past decade or more trying to have a child and it's all you've ever wanted, it sort of takes over your life. We're lucky to be part of Western culture where it's acceptable to not have kids or to adopt. Imagine those poor ladies in traditional cultures who are cast out when they don't produce lots of children.


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## Lindsey89

This is brilliant sooo true!


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## Hopefulshell

My GP, who in many respects was lovely and very supportive during my txs, told me that IVF often doesn't work and that I should accept this rather than waste time on faddy diets etc. ... Suffice it to say I came home in tears after that little pep talk!! I guess she was just trying to protect me from failing endless cycles but certainly not what I wanted to hear when I was feeling more than a little fragile! Fortunately my lovely clinic consultant was a lot more encouraging ... 

x


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## Fertilityhawk

So went for the scan yesterday to rule in/out PCOS, good news is that 100% don't have it, more baffling news is that they have found that my spleen & liver are on the wrong side of my body. Mmmmm wasn't expecting that lol, spleen is on the right side rather than the left, which is pushing my liver & gall bladder towards the middle. Now I've always had trouble with my right ovary, who knows it might be connected. 

It was my brothers 40th birthday yesterday, so rather than ponder and go crazy with Dr Google I decided to get very drunk on lots of bubbles   

I just think ah well might as well throw that into the mix of infertility for good measure. What do they say about lemons and lemonade hehehehehe

On a positive note the nurse was super nice and didn't offer any pearls of wisdom about just relax and it will happen so that was a bonus 👍🏻

Xxxxx


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## Northern

You couldn't make it up - I've just driven home from work behind a car with the registration number BA** ABY, while this song played on the radio:
_"been around the world and I-I-I - I can't find my baby"_

The irony was not lost on me.

Someone up there is having a seriously good laugh at my expense! Had to post, it just felt so bizarre!


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## Moomin16

Ha I love this thread. So for me.. when I was getting my hair done yesterday (today was OFD). This tiny lady was sat next to me and said yeah my due date is Jan but they will probably be out by November they think.. I am having triplets. Great I thought.. wonderful. Supposed to be a day of pampering - went to get nails done and then man in the salon says are you married? Yes I say tensely thinking great I know what is next... do you have any children? NO I BLEEDING DON'T NOW SHUT UP AND DO MY NAILS before I wallop you one!


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## Fertilityhawk

Lol Senorita that is really quite funny, triplets is soooo greedy lol

Don't you find also that there is an awkward silence when someone asks if you have children and you just say no - without offering any other explanation because quite frankly why should you!  It's like you're an alien and they just don't know what to say next.

I was at a wedding recently and a girl I was sat next to (never met her before) starts to tell me all about her sister TTC for the last 3 years.  She said they were going to do IVF but were going to get married first as she thought they just needed a bit of extra help and it would happen on the first go       (of course I hope it happens first time for her)  I kept my mouth shut but felt like saying if you or your sister knew how much money you were going to spend on IVF then you might think twice.  It takes me back to when we started out on our IVF journey I was convinced it would happen first time.  How naive and full of hope I was lol


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## Angedelight

My current frustration is at this age I thought I would be working very part time due to having a child!. I've had enough of this full time lark. I work for the NHS so fully intended to always take a year off on maternity then pop back and just do 25 hours a week. I can't quite justify going part time for no reason and of course we need the ££££s for treatment!!! 😂😂😂
Hopefully I'll be able to take advantage of the good maternity leave in 2017. 
X


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## Fertilityhawk

Hi Mrs-C

I totally get you on the working front.  I also thought I'd be firmly in the part time working category by now.  I still beg my husband to let me work 4 days a week but just get the "we can't afford it", which brings me onto my own current frustration.  Money!!  We're taking about a years break from treatment and have decided to renovate our house - all on a shoestring budget.  My gripe is though it's always in the back of your mind how much money you'll need for treatment.  I totally envy people who's sole worry is coping with working part time or maternity leave.  Try having to find £6-7k before you can even dare to hope you'll get pregnant


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## Clairemariearan

Haha thanks needed cheering up

Especially after a trip to Staples to buy a new bigger folder because my mounting IVF paperwork won't now fit in the optimistic a4 folder I bought at the start! Saving for a filing cabinet 😂


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## magicpillow

I can identify with that Claire!  Our fertility file is getting too thick for the current folder!

I just saw an awful advert for Nationwide childrens' savings accounts which was so over the top and unnecessary.  Really not what infertile people want to be listening to - talk about rubbing your face in it!


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## Angedelight

Hi
I just saw that advert! Vile.
Our file is really thick, I'm going to burn it all as after a consultation with Serum they I don't have PCOS, that we have a really good chance with my eggs and they wouldn't let me go straight to donor (last clinic said donor eggs only option). That they would use IVF and ICSI (told ICSI only option previously) and that some things I had previously tested negative for were actually positive! 😂. Useless, the lot of it!!.
Perfect fuel for the fire that'll be lit soon.
The other thing that annoyed me this week is that in my local park they have a ladies running group. Beginner to 5k. Thought that might be quite good. It's called 'This Mum Runs'. Excluded from that then!
X


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## Fertilityhawk

MrsC that last comment made me laugh!  I had a similar thing the other day when an article was published about cleaning hacks, and the headline when I opened it said "the best mum cleaning hacks" - why the feck do you have to be a mum to use cleaning hacks!!  I have a full time job, and a dog and husband to look after as well as having major renovations to our house along with coping with IVF!  It's not just mums that are busy grrrrrrrrrrr

We're currently having our house rewired, after our last failed cycle I literally put everything to do with IVF in a box and put it down in the cellar as I just didn't want to deal with it anymore.  The cellar is where out main fuse board is.  The electrician moved the box the other day and tipped it over.  Loads of unused drugs, needles and general crap fell out of it.  I'm not sure who was more embarrassed me or him lol!!     I certainly wasn't explaining myself...

xx


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## luckycat

This is hilarious, thanks ladies


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## Ditzygirl

This thread has totally made me lol. Some great advice recently has been....

'Just relax' - Ooh great! Will that make me ovulate and DH produce more sperm?

'Try to forget about it' - Funny you should mention that! It's not on my mind, like, ever!

'Just enjoy having sex for a while!' - Yes, it's especially fun when it's practically pencilled in the calendar and is planned to the minute!!

I really need suggestions for responding to this sort of 'advice' without being a total b****. My friends really do mean well....


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## luckycat

Ha ha I was in the office today and was telling someone about how we have an allotment and chickens and she was saying "you'll be breeding next!" 
There are a few colleagues who are pregnant at the moment and everyone seems to think it is fair game to keep asking me when me and dp are going to have one, as we've bought a house, got engaged and I'm in late 30's. 

I just abruptly change the subject - now they all think I'm a cold hearted child hater!


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## Rio2016

I had a friends husband compare IVF with a holiday....

"Oh that's not too expensive, it's the same as a holiday".

No it really isn't. We can't afford a holiday.


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## Ditzygirl

Yeah because going through IVF is just like a holiday! I felt so relaxed after my last cycle...!!! 😂 xx


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## magicpillow

These do make me laugh even though they are terrible!

I've seen something going round on ** today which goes on about 'dirty dishes mean I'm feeding my family, messy floors mean I let my children have fun etc etc and then finishes with 'keep this going if you're a parent'.  Hate those things!


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## Fertilityhawk

Magicpillow - I hate those motherhood challenges on ********!!  They drive me insane.  If we are ever lucky enough to get our family I will vow never ever to post anything like that.


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## magicpillow

Yes same Steph!
I've just seen a group on ** called 'Run Mummy Run' but the description says it's 'a supportive female only running community which links ladies in the UK who love everything running'.  Why the name then?  Not every woman is a mum!!


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## Littlemissv

Same by me they have:

Mums on the Run
Mummys bootcamp - putting the yummy back into mummy

And then recently I've also seen that these businesses like Juice Plus etc are promoting themselves as businesses for mums.. Someone on my timeline puts #thewondermummovement after every post...

Soooooo annoying!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Fertilityhawk

so went to see my Grandad in hospital yesterday.  It's his 95th Birthday today and the whole family absolutely adores him.

He's not been very well but was a bit brighter yesterday.  I was there with my brother, as we were getting up to leave he said to my brother "well you better get back to the kids" he then looked at me and was a bit stumped and just said well you'd better be getting back........end of sentence.............  

A little bit of my heart broke at that point.  I'm the only grandchild not to have a child myself.  It kills me knowing that he might not see us with our family.

Funny old business this infertility.......................said no one at all


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## MrsRL

Social media strikes again... someone posted this wonder! Sorry if this has been posted before!!

"And if I can't marry the greatest man alive... I'll birth him and raise him."

If only it was that easy!!  

"I may not be perfect but when I look at my children I know I got something in my life perfectly right"

So we're doing it wrong then are we, not for lack of trying!!  

xx


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## magicpillow

Oh god Mrs RL, those things do my head in!

The thing that has really got my goat this morning and irriates me every year is the meme out there saying,

' Clocks go back on Sunday.  I'd like to remind my friends without small children that comments about an extra hour in bed will not be tolerated'.  

God I hate this - it's so smug!  It was posted by a friend who got pregnant really easily and knows our problems.  I feel like commenting that I'd happily forgo the extra hour for a chance at having child or that 'to all my friends WITH small children, comments about how hard motherhood is will not be tolerated'!!


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## magicpillow

Aww hugs Steph and for the babies at the service stations too - they are everywhere at the mo!

Hate these mummy fitness things as well.


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## MrsRL

Magic pillow - Social media drives me mad most of the time! I don't know why I bother! I've had he same one on mine about the clocks going back   people who haven't gone through this just don't think!!

Hate the fitness things too, as if only mums are allowed to keep fit!! 

Sending   Steph 

xx


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## KnittyGritty

Halloween. Another reason to hate infertility when people post  pictures of their children in halloween custumes on social media.


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## RB76

I have to say I also saw the comments about small children and the extra hour etc etc, was so tempted to say yes I have seen both sides of this and believe me entertaining a small child for an extra hour does not compare to failed Ivf cycles and child loss, so please shut up!


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## luckycat

The ecover advert on ******** just now where you can share your top parent tips for keeping your house clean to win a hamper - like parents are the only people who buy cleaning products


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## Fertilityhawk

Watched I'm a celeb last night and felt so so sorry for Lisa Snowden.  She was asked the usual "when you are going to have kids", she said at 44 she now didn't think it was possible, just not found the right partner etc.  You could totally tell she was putting on a brave face.  For her it was a significant thing to say but then everyone just moved on and spoke about how many kids they wanted.

Poor woman


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## Angedelight

I saw that. She dealt with it brilliantly. I sat there getting angry saying to DH 'That F**king question should be banned!'.


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## Fertilityhawk

Lol I agree, my DH was out last night but I was furiously texting him saying can you believe they asked her that!!!  

She did handle it very well I agree, she probably wanted to tell them to mind their own bleeping business lol


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## Devon-32

Northern said:


> You couldn't make it up - I've just driven home from work behind a car with the registration number BA** ABY, while this song played on the radio:
> _"been around the world and I-I-I - I can't find my baby"_
> 
> The irony was not lost on me.
> 
> Someone up there is having a seriously good laugh at my expense! Had to post, it just felt so bizarre!


Oh my goodness I totally feel the same. The number of times I've had to turn off the radio when that song comes on. What are the chances that is no.1 just as I'm starting our first cycle. Lol what can you do but laugh.....oh yeah cry


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## Devon-32

Love this log. Need to add having to listen to friends/work colleagues/sister/sister-law moan about being pregnant. I came off ******** to have a break from it all and can you believe it I now get daily email updates from my sister and mum about her pregnancy so I don't miss out


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## Fertilityhawk

So yesterday a guy at work told me that his wife is pregnant with their 2nd baby (they already have a daughter), I always make a fuss and say how lovely it is (they have no idea of my struggles, well that I'm aware of anyway) but as I'm congratulating him he's got a worried and forlorn look on his face, so I ask him if everything is ok.  He says he's just worried because he wants a boy and not another girl!!!!  Well you can imagine my reaction       think he was a bit taken aback, I told him to man up and be grateful for what he's got lol  I mean seriously why would anyone say that??


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## luckycat

Aww that's a terrible thing to say, especially if it does turn out to be another girl!


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## Tincancat

I grew up in a family and frequently told all they ever wanted was a boy and a girl.... I was the third girl before they got their beloved boy!  It's more common than you think for people to be dissatisfied with the 'wrong' gender.
TCCx


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## Sah78

When we were on holiday I got talking to a lady in a bar (as you do when you are away) she asked me after a while "are you planning on having a family or are you a career women"  I was trying to think of a reply and said " hopefully, if we can" she replied "I don't know anyone who can't have a baby" since she pushed me I explained my journey to her. 

I don't think she felt embarrassed that she asked at all. Some people can be really rude


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## bobo66

Sah78 - how awful! And that it's so often us women who make judgements like this on each other.

Having a family vs "career woman" is such an unhelpful distinction and opposition. "Career woman" is so laden with negativity. Many people are committed to and do both. There is a major row about this in sociology - very fierce opposition to an academic called Catherine Hakim who suggested there are different tracks and that you can't be committed to both, and therefore choose one or the other. Choice is not really where it's at!


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## MrsE1982

Here's one for a 'laugh' - quite shocked actually that someone would write this.

We have just announced our pregnancy (25 weeks - but better late than never!) to the wider world after a long struggle and use of Donor sperm. We got an xmas card from a friend with a 'hilarious note' - 'glad to hear your news, so pleased you aren't firing blanks, not bad for an old guy!'

What the actual F.......I know this is meant as a joke (given that DH's age has been a long standing joke amongst my friends- he's not actually old just older than them!) but surely it wouldn't have hurt to put a nicer message......DH is fine with our decision to use his brother as our donor and we are looking forward to the arrival of our son - he feels like ours totally already and our families are getting used to the slightly non conventional situation....but why would you think it acceptable to comment on someone's fertility on an Xmas card.

Fortunately we don't see them that often and don't plan to either in the near future!!!

Gobsmacked......but still looking forward to our last Christmas together as a 2!


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## Fertilityhawk

Well here we are in a new year.  Recent events have left me wondering and questioning our infertility jourmey, mainly wondering if I have the temperament to be a mother. For instance 

I find some children highly annoying - mainly toddlers. For instance my niece is unruly and so naughty. She runs around the house, never sits for meals, and basically runs wild. I know this is down to the parents but I do question my suitibility to have children if this annoys me? Is this normal?? I find all babies totally adorable and could coo over a them all day. 

We sat in a pub today with a couple that were in their late fifties, they had a teenage son. They all sat there having lunch and barely talked to each other. The teenager looked like a typical teenager but they all looked miserable. My DH wondered if they were his grandparents, this nearly made me howl with fear. This could be us we'll be the oldest parents at the school gates. My DH is already bald, what if that happens to us? 

I've had a year off treatment and to be honest I've left it too long.  I'm now plagued with doubts. Do we just accept our life as it is with our little pooch? Or am I in self preservation mode. Who the hell knows 😂😂

Oh well I guess I'll just pour another red wine & carry on with my binge watch of pride & prejudice and drown my sorrows

Here's to the new year

Bottoms up xxxx


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## magicpillow

God I'm totally the same.  Kids really get on my wick and I used to be a teacher!  I absolutely adore babies and could cuddle them all day but once they get to about 18 months or 2 they are just annoying.  When I'm out in town, at a restaurant or on holiday, they all just irritate me and annoy me.  I'm so broody though.  I wonder if I'd feel differently if it was my own child.  I also have major fear of having a child with autism or behavioural problems as I used to work with children with autism and the parents went through hell. 

I think lots of people find other people's kids annoying.  I think long term ttc gives us more time to think about it all whereas for others it 'just happens' and they don't go into depth thinking about it.  I could be totally wrong though!

We often say we have a very nice little life just the two of us but it's the biological urge that makes me want to keep doing treatment!


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## KnittyGritty

Just spotted a fake twin pregnancy announcement on ** from someone I thought should know better. It made me blooming angry and bemused that people find it funny to do it. Removed it after I commented on it!


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