# Feeling down today



## nic1977 (Aug 28, 2008)

I'm not coping very well at the moment.   I had a miscarriage 3 years ago and yesterday would have been my baby's due date and possibly its 3rd birthday.  

I thought I'd dealt with my feelings ages ago, but obviously not as they have come back to haunt me with a vengeance.

I know I have a wonderful, gorgeous son, who I would not be without, but would love so much to have a brother or sister for him, I hate the fact that he is an only child.

I am finding it very difficult to cope with the fact that I cannot conceive naturally and often end up in tears.

My concentration at work is nil, and I am frightened that I will make a mistake that could endanger someones life (I'm a medical secretary). 

I am very snappy and short tempered with my DH and DS, DH understands, but my poor DS knows nothing about the miscarriage and I can't seem to control myself at the moment and I often end up shouting at him for no reason at all!!

I feel very depressed and have made an appointment to go and see my GP on Thursday.  I don't know what she can do (maybe sign me off for a bit), but the only other option is to go completely insane.  DH tries his best, but he doesn't understand the overwhelming emotions I feel when I get like this.  

I tried talking to my BF earlier on today, but she has no idea how I feel, she has 2 wonderful children and her partner has 4 from his previous relationship.  She tries her best....bless her and I love her to bits, but no matter how much she tries to understand, she never will. 

I'm going to stop waffling now.  

Any advice welcomed.

Nic xx


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## Pand (Jan 25, 2007)

Hey Nic,

I understand chick.  I had a mc 12 months ago on 10th Sept.  It still haunts me and I found the anniversary really hard for the few weeks on the run up and just afterwards.  I'm not surprised your still feeling so awful hun.  Miscarriage is a devastating experience but it's magnified when you suffer from infertility as we never get the chance to move forward.  It's very hard accepting that that may have been the last chance we had of having any more children.  I've tried explaining my pain to family who have experienced mc and even they don't get it.  At the end of the day, when we lost our babies it wasn't just the babies we lost, it was our chances and hopes of ever being parents again and we have nothing to cling onto or to hope for.  

I think it's good you're going to speak to your GP.  Have you ever had any counselling for the mc?  I did, it was with a charity so it was free, called the Cedar Tree.  Perhaps your GP could put you in touch with a group like them?  It's not a cure but it did really help me come to terms with it all a bit (even though I was very sceptical to start with).

Come and chat on the daily chat thread hun.  You will get lots of support from lots of ladies who have all been through mc.  Other people don't/can't and won't understand your pain but we will.

Thinking of you and your little one.

Love Pand


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## nic1977 (Aug 28, 2008)

Hi Pand

Thanks for your lovely reply.

I have considered going for counselling, but I am very sceptical about the whole thing and I certainly couldn't do any group counselling.

I am finding it very hard to accept that maybe I am not meant to have any more children, its funny but I always saw myself with 3 or 4 children when I was younger, which probably makes it all the more hard.

We have a very large family and have about 20 nieces and nephews between us, the eldest 2 even have babies of their own now, there is alwayssomeone pregnant in our family!! My SIL, who has 6 children, had a miscarriage about 12 months before me and I have tried talking to her about how it feels, but she says that it is not something you discuss you just have to get over it, which I think is very sad.  I am someone who needs to talk about how I am feeling, even if the person I am talking to doesn't understand.

Thank you so much for your reply.  Its great to know I'm not alone, as that it how it feels a lot of the time.  My DH is a wonderful man and will listen to me and comfort me when I cry, but the poor man can only take so much!!  

I will come and say hi on the daily chat thread.

Thanks again
Nic xx


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