# egg donors for a gay male couple



## arpi (Feb 2, 2009)

Hi everyone,

I am not sure if I should post a new thread, or should have I carried on with my previous one, where we introduced ourselves.

I have one question which I am hoping to get an answer for:

If we find a surrogate mother, but insists on using an egg donor (in other words, not her eggs), is that possible?  Where can you get donor's eggs? Do IVF clinic arrange that?  Is that possible for a gay male couple?  What is the waiting time?

If we decide to use an egg donor from another EU country and do the IVF treatment there, would that cause complications when applying for a parental order?  I assume not, as the surrogate mother carrying the baby will be regarded as the biological mother, am I right?

Did I say one question?  I must have been mad, I already asked at least 5.

Enjoy the weekend.
Kevin


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I think it is such a complicated area and maybe best to send a post to Natalie the FF lawyer, as it is such a complex area.  Many people go abroad for DE's as the UK wiating lists are bery long. I know in this country my known donor and I cannot use a surrogate as we are not married.

Some EU countries don't allow surrogacy eg: Spain . I went to Spain for DE's but my lining is not good and means that I have had my embryo transferred cancelled 3 time now, I have been told by 3 Drs surrogacy is my answer, we have 16 donor eggs in Spain but cannot import them to the UK as they are not ID release and so don;t satisfy UK law. I'm really interested in your reply as my donor and his partner could maybe follow the same route as yourselves.

Wishing you lots of luck on your journey to parenthood.

L x

L x


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## babymithel (Oct 13, 2008)

Why don't you just find a straight surrogate? It would be a lot easier. Good Luck x


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## angelwomb (Nov 1, 2005)

Hi Kevin,

It is possible to use an Egg Donor & a Host Surrogate, as long as either yourself or your partner is the biological father. However, it would be less complicated to find a Straight (Traditional) Surrogate.

Should you decide to go down the Host route you will need to make an appointment at a Fertility Clinic for your initial consultation, they will carry out all routine screening tests on the Intended Father & advice you on your next steps.
They will also recommend you seek legal advice, this covers their back so to speak.
Clinics do have Egg Donors that donate to the clinic, their identity would never be disclosed to you, however you will be told a few minor details. There are waiting lists, time scale varies from one clinic to another. You will be responsible to pay for all costs incurred for things like medication, transfer (from Egg Donor to Surrogate) & freezing of the embryo's should this be necessary.
Alternatively, you can choose to find your own Egg Donors. With this said it is illegal to advertise for a donor (as it is for a Surrogate) but their are Egg Donors on some support forums. If you decide to find your own donor you will have to pay all her travel expenses to the clinic. She will need all routine screening to be carried out by the clinic to which you will have to cover, then theirs the medication & scans, plus transfer costs.
On top of donor treatment costs you'll also have Surrogate costs too, travel, medication, scans etc. All in all, Host Surrogacy will be the most expensive!

As other people have advised, Straight would be the less complicated & cheaper option.

Good luck with which ever route you decide is best for you.

Lots of love,
angelwomb
-x-x-x-x-x-


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## arpi (Feb 2, 2009)

Ladies,

thank you very much for your encouragement.  Sounds like it's going to be a very long process and an emotional rollercoaster too.

I guess straight or host surrogacy will be determined by the surrogate.  What I heard and read is that some women feel more comfortable with being a host only, as psychologically there is less chance of being attached to the baby.  

What are your experiences when it comes to the emotional attachments?

I hope I am jinxing any of my chances here, but I was always curious, children who have same sex parents, how do they call out to their parents?


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## angelwomb (Nov 1, 2005)

Hi Kevin,

As lgft pointed out, it is perfectly legal to advertise in the UK for an Egg Donor. What we both failed to bring to your attention is the fact that the Intended Father may need to have his sperm frozen for at least the minimum quarantine period of 6mths. Some clinics are willing to waver this only at the request of the Surrogate & after all parties have had the required counselling sessions. This may be something you should consider doing now if you are considering the Host route.

I personally have been a Host & Straight Surrogate, however my feelings may differ somewhat to that of another Surrogate.
From my own personal experience I find Host more stressful & heartfelt than that of Straight. The daily injections for Host is very very difficult, many nights I sat at the end of my bed, needle in one hand, a pinch of skin in the other, thinking I can't do this anymore..........but then I'd think of my IP's & say to myself 'I have to do it, for them' & I always did. I actually did 2 cycles in total, each time transferring 2 precious embies. The first time we got a positive but sadly m/c at 5-6wks, 2nd time we tested negative.
As if the medication wasn't enough............we actually saw the precious embies on the screen, both times we lost 2 embryo's, that for me was difficult as I actually experienced the symptoms of miscarriage.

With Straight, ok it's my eggs BUT I have long since completed my own family so as a result my eggs are flushed away down the toilet every month. As far as I'm concerned I give my eggs to my IP's, without the love & longing from my IP's my eggs would never get a chance of life & so I don't see my surrobaby as being mine, as far as I'm concerned it is my IP's baby.

If I am totally honest if my IP's changed their mind after the birth I would be left with no choice but to hand over their baby to the authorities, this may sound harsh but that is how I personally feel. If I wanted a baby I would have my own with my partner, likewise if I wanted someone else's baby I would consider adoption & I have no intention of either.

For me personally seeing my IP's holding their baby, feeling as happy as I did when I held mine for the first time is what motivates me wanting to be a Surrogate. In a nice way my feelings are for the new family as opposed to the baby I carried for the couple.

With regard to your last question, I have no experience or any idea. However, what difference does it make whether a couple are of the same sex or not, what is important is the happiness & well being of that baby. You hear so many horror stories in the news about poor children being abused & such like. A happy, safe & loving environment is what matters. I wish you every bit of luck in the world for achieving your dream.

Lots of love,
angelwomb
-x-x-x-x-x-


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

angelwomb you are truly a wonderful person.  

L x


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## arpi (Feb 2, 2009)

♥JJ1♥ said:


> angelwomb you are truly a wonderful person.
> 
> L x


I second that. Many thanks for taking the time and explaining in so much detail. Much appreciated. I feel much better and more hopeful now.

K


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## angelwomb (Nov 1, 2005)

Hi JJ1 & arpi

Aww bless, thank you! I was hoping people would read my post the way I meant it (in a nice way), it's easy to misinterpret things sometimes, thankfully nobody did. 

At the end of the day my children mean the world to me, without them my life would feel worthless. I was very lucky to have 2 miracles of my own (as well as 2 totally fab older children & 2 super fabby step sons), I just want to give something back & help others experience the joys parenthood as I do & to do that I chose to be a Surrogate! 

Good luck to everyone who is reaching for their dream.

Lots of love,
angelwomb
-x-x-x-x-x-


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## steve and sue (Oct 8, 2008)

Hi we used www.ivfconsulting.com who work with the agency who helped us with our surrogate maybe take a look at them , they where very helpful and could not do enough ..



arpi said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I am not sure if I should post a new thread, or should have I carried on with my previous one, where we introduced ourselves.
> 
> ...


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## steve and sue (Oct 8, 2008)

Hi we used www.ivfconsulting.com they worked with the people who helped us with our surrogate it maybe an ides to give them an email or a call ...


sue x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Sue 
Selighted to hear that you had success with a surrogate, are you willing to share some of your experience with us or via PM. It is such a minefield

L x


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