# Baby Be Mine - BBC Documentary 9pm



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi there

Just wanted to let you know.... those of you who haven't seen it advertised...

there is a documentary *"Baby Be Mine" on Wednesday 25th Jan * - this Wed on *BBC1 at 9pm*
About couples adopting babies from abroad... 2 parter, second and final part next week.

Sounds like it could be a weepy.... well I cry at anything anyway, so I will have the tissues on stand by!


----------



## Anthony Reid (Jan 1, 2002)

Thanks! - Ive linked this to the calendar.

Tony
x


----------



## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Thanks for that ever, I hadn't spotted anything about it.

PS does anyone watch "child of our times".....seem to be laughing one minute and crying the next at that program, but wouldn/t miss it though.


----------



## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

thanks everhopefull

hi ruthie - love that programme - although missed it last nite


----------



## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Thanks Ever

I also missed Child of our Time last night.  Probably a good thing as I woudn't have got the ironing done and the pile was almost as high as the house!!!

Karen x


----------



## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)




----------



## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Oh Bum!  Been too busy planning what to eat for the next week (for WW diet) to do my Tesco order that I forgot it was on.  Anyone see it and can give us a summary?

Karen x


----------



## molly2003 (Mar 28, 2003)

is this on again or another side in the week any where..? 
foot ball wins again with hubby watching it...  thank girls. what was it like.


----------



## Puglet (Jul 6, 2005)

Hi, everyone.

Just in case, you can now watch both "Baby be mine" and "Child of our Time" on Teleport TV through cable (Telewest).  xxx


----------



## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Hi 

Did anyone watch this program last night ?

if yes am I the only one that took offence to the lady adopting from china's comments where she stated 
" I haven't got infertility or been through IVF so my adopted child will not be second best and know it was her we wanted " (or words to this effect)   me and my dh were absolutely fuming and very offended by it   how dare she judge us  and assume our adopted children are second best  
 (not that i have got any children yet)   i could go on but i wont  

pam xx


----------



## Marielou (Oct 18, 2003)

Saphy ~ I just came on here to say the same thing!   I felt her comments were VERY insensitive! 
I cannot comprehend how she could say that people who have unsuccessful IVF are therefore treating their children as 'second best'  
It greatly offended me, as someone who is not going down the path of adoption, so I expect you are fuming! 

I only watched half of the programme as I had a headache, will watch the rest tonight,

Marie xx


----------



## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Thanks Marie, I was begining to think i was being over sensitive   

pam xx


----------



## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

I watched the whole programme and found it very sad in the main.

I did take a bit of offence at the police woman who adopted from China but on reflection I felt that she must have had something unpleasant happen to her in her childhood so that she never felt able to try for her own child - perhaps she was too scared of pregnancy/birth? We will never know. The main thing was that she obviously loved her daughter very much and was making her very happy so good for her.

I was so upset and shocked about the american couple (nurse who adopted two young children from Siberia) who could not bond with their adopted children so began to abuse them!! They were offered support by their social worker but felt they should be able to cope so didn't tell anyone the problems that were happening. I felt that the woman saying "I tried to love him but he wouldn't let me" was ludicrous. The child was only 18 months old and had been institutionalised for all of his life so of course he is not going to be grateful he has been adopted and love his mother straight away!! It would take a lot of time and patience and showing love without getting any back. Six months after getting him and the other child, he was dead - deliberately burnt by his adoptive father so severely in scalding hot water that he died. That is what I took deep offence at - those dreadful dreadful actions. Then the adoptive mother came home from her nursing job and saw the child's injuries but they left him in agony for 5 days until his breathing became a severe problem. Then they finally rang 911 for an ambulance but the child died before getting to hospital. Both adoptive parents are now in jail for many years and the other adopted child has been rehomed elsewhere.

I suppose that it is good that bad things were shown on the programme as well as good but it was a very depressing programme overall I thought and I am not sure if I shall watch part two next Wednesday night. The scenes of the poor abandoned children in the orphanage in Romania were so heart breaking - a 9 year old little girl tied to her cot all day - the tie so tight that it had cut her hand and she was bleeding. Tiny babies lying in their own vomit and urine for hours on end, never being held or stimulated broke my heart.

I thought that the 19 year old woman hoping to adopt Dylan (see the story below) was a wonderful woman. Very strong and intelligent and mature beyond her years. What a star she is. I felt like I wanted to go and see her and shake her hand and give her a big hug. She obviously loved Dylan very much, despite all his health problems.

I could not understand why some of the people adopting seemed to take offence when a child did not love them straight away or pushed them away when they tried to cuddle them. I would think that is perfectly natural behaviour. Children are not toys - cuddle them and they will cuddle back, love them and they will love you back. It takes time and patience surely.

For those that did not see the programme see http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/4524190.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/4541730.stm

Baby Be Mine
Wed 25 Jan, 9:00 pm - 10:00 pm 60mins

Journey of Love

A couple travel to China to bring home a baby girl they only know through a handful of photographs. A girl wants to save a child from Romania, and she's determined to let nothing stand in her way. And a nurse goes to Siberia to adopt an abandoned orphan - with tragic consequences. This programme contains some strong language.

Well that is my thoughts on it, for what they are worth .

Jennifer


----------



## Emcon (Oct 11, 2005)

Hi 

I found this program really upsetting at times but it was good to see that for at least two of the children it did all work out OK in the end. 

I too found the police lady who adopted in China comments quite offensive, there speaks someone who has not experienced the pain and heartache infertility causes, however she did appear to be a really good mum to her new daughter and when all is said and done that is the most important thing.      

I think the hardest thing is that all around the world there are couples who would love to give these children kind loving homes but that Romania are not prepared to let the rest of the world help and nor are they prepared to take care of their fellow Romania abandoned children is horrific, I cannot understand how this is allowed to continue!  Sorry rant over but in today's modern world these atrocities are beyond me!

Em


----------



## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Jennifer

i sat and cried about those poor children that the nurse abused, it was sooooo sad how did she ever expect them to begin to trust her when she abused them ?? prison is too good for some people

also the state of the romanian orphanages sickens me, I wish there were more people like Dylans new mummy in the world 

I also do recognise that the police woman turned out to be a good mother and little Kai ya seemed quite happy now but still can't help thinking to begin with the couple came across as a little selfish to me. but i suppose you don't see the full story unless you live it.

pam xx


----------



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi girls

Didn't get chance to watch last night so my kind hubbie recorded it for me.
Will sit and watch with interest tonight - with packs of tissues at the ready.

Someone I work with, watched it and said some things in it were surprising, and after reading some of your comments, I'm expecting to have a very angry moment or two, and plenty of tears. 

Will report again after I've seen it.

x


----------



## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

we didnt enjoy it at all. Policewomen was most offensive, the american couple took on way too much which resulted in tragedy. The only good bit was the beautiful, most wonderfull, 19 year old who adopted Dylan. What an amazing woman, I take my hat off to her. She is an inspiration to everyone.

I felt physical pain when they filmed the romainian orphanage. Infact the tears welled up instantly.

Wont be watching it again, not encouraging, although I appreciate one must be aware of the good and the bad.

xxxx


----------



## van (Sep 18, 2004)

I just sat and watched it now...bawled my eyes out at some of it.

We have been approved at panel to adopt from China so that aspect of the program was particularly close to me.  I also took offence at the mother's comments that her child will never be second best...I hope my adopted daughter never has that attitude voiced to her, but I fear it will.  My daughter will never be second best just because she is not my genetic child and at least the programme has given me a heads up for another aspect of adopting I need to prepare for, particularly as we have a son.  I would like to  give the mother the benefit of the doubt though, as we don't know what questions were put to her by the interviewer before she said that.

As for the girl from Romania - isn't she the most amazing person.  She was so mature beyond her years, so loving, so caring.  I was quite stunned by her (if that makes sense)

Romania, though, just horrified me.  that wee baby she picked up at six months looked smaller than my lad did at about 6 weeks.  those older children tied to their beds....   It made me cry and makes me so angry to think that children can be left in such conditions and that the Romanian government is condoning it by having closed Romania for adoptions.  someone told me this week that J K Rowling has given a substantial sum to the Romanian orphanages - I do so hope it is true and that it goes to giving the children affection and stimulation.

As for the american couple - ................ i think i'll remain silent.  That poor lad.

I do know that we are going down the right path, though, and can barely wait until we get to China!!

Van
XX


----------



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Just seen the programme, and found quite upsetting and quite inspirational. We've never looked into adopting from overseas, mainly because there are thousands of children in this country who are crying out for a family to love them.
The young single mum who finally adopted Dylan, was brilliant. Story very moving. Well done her.

The couple who adopted the beautiful Chinese baby, were patronising and not very likeable at all, apart from the fact they took that little girl into their lives, and who wouldn't? She clearly hasn't experienced half of what most of us have, before the adoption route, and made me feel be-littled because I've had a dream and tried to fullfill it, now an adoptive mum, yes, but in no way second best. She made out that we would love our babies less because we didn't choose adoption at first priority. Bull.

And the American family. Well, heartbreaking, how did no-one see it coming?
They should be strung-up.

Will see if next week's programme is any better viewing!

Would really like to see an upto date adoption docu - but families like us, in this country. Maybe then, those people out there who have thought about adopting, might take that step.


----------



## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

Ooohhh dont know if i want to watch it know!!

I have taped it so may get around to watching it over the weekend but it looks like i need to prepare myself for some harse viewing!!


----------



## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

I can't believe i missed it! I went to the cinema with MIL and meant to record it! Does anyone know if its being repeated anywhere else? We get Sky, so maybe it'll be on one of the digital channels??

xruth


----------



## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

JenniferF said:


> For those that did not see the programme see http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/4524190.stm
> http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/4541730.stm
> 
> Jennifer


Here you go!


----------



## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

i feel pretty much the same as everyone else. it does make me wonder though- what sort of adoption preparation REALLY happens with these USA inter-country adoption agencies? had they not heard of attachment disorder in institutionalised children. Blimey I have and I have never even considered international adoption!!

also- s someone (jennifer?) said- THEY chose to take those kids from the only life they had known to something completely diferent across the other side of the world. THEY chose that. The children didn't!! Okay, if things had worked out the quality of life would be heaps better, but how could they assume the children should be grateful!! I do worry sometimes about the whole adoption situationin the states. It seems to involve a lot of money and a lot of making the parents happy, rather than the other way around.

The couple adopting from china did seem to know what they were doing- they seemed informed and aware of attachment etc.  But Yep- imagine if you had been on their prep course? I'm guessing they won't be too popular at the adoption gatherings in their area after saying that! 
.... all beit a bit barmy, they really did seem to have little Kai ya's best interests at heart, and those poor little girls all lined up in their cribs- heartbreaking. Well done to anyone who does that!

I loved the woman in Romania- from a slightly different perspective as well as her commitment to the situation there. I loved that it showed how special (and loving!) children with autism can be. I teach six boys with autism (with severe learning difficulties as well) and I do really hve the best jobin the world. The first time they say your name, or run up and bear hug you for just doing something they like, every little step is amazing. Dylan is one lucky little boy and she is one lucky Mum too. 

I'll probably tune in next week, although this has finally prompted DH to get sky plus. He hates anything reality, or documentary, so unless its football, comedy or car programs its "a load of crap!". He did watch about half of the programme, but declared the policewoman a mad woman after a while and went off tutting to bed.


----------



## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Kylie

LOVE Dh description of Mrs Policewoman


----------



## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

lol lou!. but those eyes, her odd comments and the kooky looks (all silent) staring into the camera?? 

barmy she is.  I bet she is a great Mum though.. she had the heart for it the same as we all do, a few daft and ill- informed, kinda immature comments aside. Kai ya really looked happy and "solid in herself" if you know what I mean?  

I am still there for Romania girl though. What a star!!!


----------



## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

Def that Romanian Girl is a star - i though it so sad that Dylan would be taken away from the only mum he has ever know and the BM only wanted him back after their SS asked her if she did!!  She did not go looking for him - was glad to see at the end that she had been granted Citizenship so can therefore bring him back to UK and apply to adopt him - good on her xx

I did not really like the policeman too much - found her a bit hard faced to start with and those comments "second best"      Like u say the little girl seemed really content.

The american couple - my god what can you say!!!      

Looking fwd to next weeks episode.

Its funny that when we were ttc all there was on tc were programmes about IVF etc and now we are trying to adopt thats all there is too!! Not that we are complaining of course!!

Have a fun weekend everyone xx


----------



## van (Sep 18, 2004)

Boomerang girl said:


> but those eyes, her odd comments and the kooky looks (all silent) staring into the camera??


you know.....I thought about that, but then realised that it wasn't a strange camera man behind that camera, but her husband! How many of us don't use stern looks and glares to silence our husbands/partners or glances to communicate something with them without the need to use words? i know I do....just shows a closeness and familiarity with her husband....i thought!

Van


----------



## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

We watched this on Teleport replay (they have all three episodes back to back although we only watched this first one)

I also have been made to question whether it is 'easier' to adopt in the US.  they certainly insinuated that she had been approved extra quick just because of her profession. What also worried me was that they had actually legally adopted the kids on the day they met them in Siberia.  So despite having concerns about attachment and bonding etc on day one...there was little they could do becuase the children were already legally theirs.  I found that disturbing.  

I agree that the policewoman came across badly, but, like van i am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt...we don't know what question she was asked or how much was edited.  i think the reality of seeing her in a hotel room with a baby that wouldn't stop crying and couldn't be soothed helped me to understand that claiming and bonding might be harder than i had imagined...which is a good thing for me.  

As for the 23year old - very impressed.  At 23 I wasn't ready for a family at all but then again at 19 there is no way that i would have gone off to Romania to work with orphans. 

Anyway...better go.  

magenta x


----------



## roze (Mar 20, 2004)

Did anyone else see the second programme tonight?  

Two truly awful stories about Russia and Cambodia. Really disturbing.
Both really were tragic and revealed to me how so wrapped up one can get in the emotion of it all that all common sense goes out the window.  The child who died did not look well at all from the start and they should have demanded medical attention there and then. I do think the producer could have commented on cause of death and why this never came to light in the medical reports. This may be useful information for people trying to adopt from Russia and hopefully avoid similarly dreadful situations.

The Cambodian story was equally upsetting if not so tragic. I hope that if I were that american woman I would have stopped the process when I found out the child's true background. However as has been pointed out before, these things are made for TV, are selected for sensationalism not education, and you never are sure what has been edited out, nor is the context particularly clear.  However the two american families featured came across as well meaning but really not particularly intelligent. 

In general not a very analytical programme, and probably cast a slur on overseas adoption per se. No doubt there are many wonderful organisations out there but they did not really get a look in. It really gave an awful impression of the process in Russia particularly if the officials really do knowingly give away  a dying child to a couple.  This is no way for a child to spend his/her last days, or for that couple to be treated. The problem of course is we are not given any facts, so everything is left open to speculation.

In all, I think this was pretty lousy and lazy journalism and I expected much more from the BBC.

roze x


----------



## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

SO glad I didnt watch by the sounds of it. I watched Channel 4 on Extrodinary Breastfeeding which was most comical and cheered me up no end.


----------



## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

i watched that too lulu and it cheered me up too!! never seen anything like that 8 yr old and never want to again  lol

kj


----------



## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

I watched the adoptionprogramme and came away feeling just like roze! I so wish I'd watched the breastfeeding channel four one to see nine year olds talking about "bitty"!! nowthat would have given me a laugh!!


----------



## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

I'd have thrown up at that breast feeding programme with those 9 year olds, the trailer was bad enough.

Karen x


----------



## superal (May 27, 2005)

I watched last nights programme and I thank my lucky stars that I didn't have to go through any thing like that.

My heart went out to the American couple.

Andrea
xx


----------

