# What would you do?



## Roygbiv (Feb 23, 2013)

Well I'm in a bit of a predicament. I want to do IVF, my husband isn't so sure. 

Basically in the 10 years we've been married we've never used contraception. But we started actively trying a year later. 

We've had 3 IVFs in the past 4 years. 

Due to financial issues we had to put the idea/desire to do IVF on the back burner. So it wasn't even in our heads. Our consultant gave us a prescription to possibly improve our chances of a natural pregnancy. Of course we thought codswollop. But we took it anyway. And you'll never guess what! The first month it worked. But this is with us thinking it definitely wouldn't. So weren't even "trying". And just like that every time someone has said to me "just stop thinking about it and it will happen" became less annoying. Sadly, it wasn't meant to be. I experienced a missed miscarriage. 
My issue is I want to have a baby. Obviously! My husband is saying the fact it happened naturally once means it will again. But what he is not realising is 1) it didn't happen the 9 years before that, maybe we were just due. I mean surely most people get one pregnancy at some point of time if they try long enough 2) it happened while we were on the medication. Maybe it has worn off now. I'd rather do the IVF - although we still can't afford it - than wait for a maybe. I should be feeling reassured that it did happen naturally. But the 9+ years before that of it not happening, of the clomid not working, of the - even forgot what they're called - injections not working, of the IVF not working, I guess I'm just super sceptical. 
Basically my question is what would you do?
If try naturally how would you keep yourself sane? If go for IVF how would you convince your husband it's the right option?


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## star17 (Oct 31, 2012)

Hey, so sorry for your mc.  You don't say why you needed ivf so quite difficult to say.  However my view is that you should give it a go.  Time/age makes a big difference and therefore I would want to know that I had givenit every shot.  Although my situation is potentially different as we have reasons to have ivf and therefore my judgement is probably off for normal people!!  

In terms of the hubby - explain how you feel?  Not sure hw open he is to discussing it, but sounds like you need all of your powers of persuasion!  Also if you go and have a new initial assessment they will probably have some good advice - hearing it from a third party might help.


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## ElsieF (Nov 26, 2009)

You don't say what the prescription was. Was it clomid? If it worked for you then why not try that again?


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## Roygbiv (Feb 23, 2013)

Thank you for your replies. 
Our first IVF was private. That consultant said it was just down to "unexplained infertility". 
The second IVF was on the NHS. That consultant said it was regarding my PCOS. 
Our third IVF was with the same consultant, but paid privately. We didn't do any tests again. Just he "knew" us so we went back to him. Was a really awful cycle that one, and I am 100% never ever going back to him. Over stimulated. 30 eggs. Left with 1 after 3 days! 
Since then I've seen a whole new consultant. She said I only have PCO not the syndrome. She said she wouldn't assume it would actually cause a problem. And she was rather more interested in my husband's sperm. She said his motility is really bad. Over 4 sperm tests it hasn't changed much. So don't know why all of the other consultants wouldn't think it's a problem?! She prescribed antibiotics for him, to apparently improve the motility. And she prescribed me aspirin and a high dose folic acid. She also told him to take lots of vitamin c and e. 
So, why we need to have IVF; I'm not too sure. Has changed 3 times. This is another argument my husband has. They can't even agree, there's probably not a problem. I just don't know. To IVF again we'll have to borrow the money. All savings are completely gone. And some! So it's not a light decision. For me, though, maybe not my husband, the financial issue is the only negative.


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## Leftleg (Oct 30, 2011)

Hi, 

I don't know if I can help but just wanted to say I'm sorry for the hard time you've been having. Being diagnosed with 'unexplained infertility' is so frustrating, which tests did they do, were they thorough? You could have had a breakthrough with your DH's sperm tests and I've heard lots of stories of antibiotics working wonders. Fingers crossed this works for you. If not, I would be inclined to borrow and give it another go but get some extensive testing done. I don't say this lightly as I'm currently flat broke and I understand the financial pressures this puts us under. You sound like you need some answers though and I just hope someone can give you them. Big hugs   and good luck xxx


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## Roygbiv (Feb 23, 2013)

I can't even remember what tests I've had!!!
Numerous ultrasounds. Blood tests. Day 3 and day 21 come to mind. Thyroid function. Erm ... Can't remember. That's awful. Probably means they need updating. HSG. Aqua scan. 
Sperm analysis 4 times. 
Is there anything else you'd particularly recommend? Test wise. For someone who has been "on the circuit" a while I don't know all that much. 
He's definitely set against borrowing. We already owe for our last cycle. So I guess I'm going to have to give the natural thing a shot. Even though I'm not feeling optimistic about it. I really just want to go and borrow by myself. Once I have the money he can hardly say no? But this is not something you can go into on a disagreement. And it's like forcing him. I don't know. I'm just so ... All I see is baby, I suppose. And he has such a laid back attitude that "it will happen when it happens" is his motto. And when it happens can be in 50 years and that would be ok.


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Hi Roygbiv,

If I were you I would definitely try clomid again unless you have maxed out your limit of clomid cycles allowed, as not only has it worked for you before but it is also a more appropriate treatment for PCOS than IVF, plus you should be able to get it free on the NHS. 

I would maybe set a limit on it though, depending on your age and circumstances, or however many months you can get clomid for, whilst still saving up for further IVF if needed. If male factor is suspected, and with 30 eggs but only one embryo at 3 days it certainly sounds like it, I would try ICSI next time, particularly if you are paying for it.

Hope you get that longed for baby in the end 

B xxx


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## Roygbiv (Feb 23, 2013)

Thank you for your reply. 

That is something I have always wondered about. And we never went back to that consultant so I never got to ask. I thought having 30 eggs and only 1 left to transfer would have meant an egg quality issue. Is it more likely a sperm issue? He had a sperm fragmentation test and that came back "normal". Although I'm now unsure whether normal is enough?! Because we've always been told his motility was "normal" until this last time. And there has been little (literally one percent each way) change between the 4 sperm analyses, over 8 years. 

My blood tests have shown ovulation. So I was apprehensive to take clomid, as far as I knew it was to cause ovulation. But the hospital (nhs) said I would have to do this first before anything else more invasive. Which obviously I agreed with. Like most people, I didn't think I'd need IVF ... until I need IVF! So I took the clomid. But 6 months later no pregnancy, and ovulation but I was doing that anyway?!
I do think the idea of trying it while saving is good. Although if it really is just something for those who don't ovulate it might not be worth it. Although does it increase ovulation (more eggs) or improve quality? Then it would be worth it. 

We actually had ICSI! We were going to do half eggs conventional and half eggs ICSI. But last minute, thinking it would increase the chances, I asked them to ICSI them all. And out of 30 they said 28 were mature. Of those 28 12 fertilised. Of those 12 4 were "normal". Then of those 4 only 1 was left. Of low grading. It was literally awful!

Sorry to ask so many questions. I just feel, a lot of the time, women on here are more helpful than the professionals. Going through it yourself or asking questions I would never have thought of means you become a guru without the medical training! 
... Oh and three figure an hour salary!


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## Leftleg (Oct 30, 2011)

Hi again, the tests I would have at this point are immunes. After my third ivf failure I got these done, had treatment in the form of steroids and IVIG and I got pregnant on my next try. Not to say it works for everyone but it's a step forward. I have low ovarian reserve so I only had 2 eggs retrieved on some of my cycles; it 's a cliche but you only need one!


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## Roygbiv (Feb 23, 2013)

Fertility friends hold add a "like" button, like ********. I really thank you for the help, advice and words everybody. 

Did you have your immense tested privately or NHS?


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## Leftleg (Oct 30, 2011)

I asked the NHS but they refused, they say there's no scientific evidence to prove immune treatment works.


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