# Any advice on how to keep my chin up?



## lexiecat (Jun 13, 2011)

Morning ladies

got a BFN yesterday after our first go at IVF. Obviously gutted.

Found out really early yesterday morning but tried to keep busy yesterday. Reality is hitting in this morning.

I had a feeling it hadn't worked, just didn't feel pregnant, and still had my usual horrendous AF type cramps (although the bi*ch hasn't turned up yet lol).

Just feel so exhausted. I promised myself I wouldn't let myself believe it could work, but how can you not get a little excited? of course i'd worked out all the dates and had even thought i may be able to write the good news into xmas cards. But no, we just aren't that lucky. Having to watch my hubbie in tears yesterday was just horrible. Both his grandparents are very very ill, this is just the icing on the cake.

Letting my body have a break, will attend follow up appointment end of next month with a view to perhaps trying again in Jan/Feb. Where do we draw the line as well? how many goes can we take emotionally? Hate my clinic. Wish I lived closer to London, some of the private clinics look amazing. 65% success rate for my age group at one of them!! instead I get 35% at mine.

Rant over, sorry, what a wallow in self pity. Any advice on how to keep going? I am dreading Christmas, many friends celebrating their child's first one. So envious, just getting left behind.

xxx


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## fingers_crossed1982 (Aug 5, 2011)

Hi Lexiecat,

I'm so sorry about you result. A BFN is just awful and I found I drifted around in a bit of a daze for a few days after the result. Tx is totally exhausting physically and mentally so you need to give your mind and body time to readjust. I think even when we try not to get excited you couldn't put yourself through it if you didn't believe it might work so it is inevitable really. 

My best advice would be to try and book in a few nice treats with DH and try and enjoy spending time together, as so much of your lives is so involved in tx. It can make you remember what it was like to be a "normal" couple again.

We got our BFP after moving clinics, we were initially reluctant as our first clinic is about 5 mins away and our second was about an hour away, but they were worlds apart in terms of care and results! I don't know which clinics you are near but it might be worth investigating others just to see if there is another viable option.

Best of luck for the future, I know it doesn't seem like it but things will get better.

Xxxxx


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## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Hi *Lexiecat * - so sorry to hear of your bfn - it's truly a rollercoaster of a journey and you'll go through all sorts of emotions, much like grieving. There's no quickfix, just give yourself time, be kind to yourself and spends lots of time as a couple. We've had some good walking weather lately, if you're near a good park i find a good long walk in the autumn leaves very therapeutic, but don't push yourself if you're not ready. Like i said it takes time.

In the meantime, there's a great thread Between cycles and BFN Chatter (sorry don't know how to copy the link  ) but there's a lovely bunch of ladies on there who've been through and still going through a bfn and it's so supportive. when you feel ready jump in and say hello - i guarantee you'll find comfort 

Take care
Essie x


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## lexiecat (Jun 13, 2011)

Thank you ladies

what would I do without this site

xx


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## shelleysugar (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi lexiecat
Had to respond as your journey has been very similar to mine of late.  So sorry for your BFN, it really is rubbish isn't it.  I walked around in shock for about 24 hours after our BFN and immersed myself in work before breaking down on the phone to my mum.  It was just hearing her voice that set me off!!  I even worked out the due date if we had been successful - I won't do that again!!  I constantly feel I'm being left behind by so many of my friends/family who are mostly onto baby number 2.  I don't have any advice but it does make me feel better knowing there are others out there going through the same thing.  Let's stick together and I reckon 2013 will be our year.

Shelleysugar x


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## princesspink96 (Oct 1, 2012)

Aww Lexie I'm so sorry   I'm in exactly the same boat as you, my first icsi and didn't even make it to otd on Thursday, started bleeding yesterday, did a test last night and got a big fat bfn.  It's completely devastating isn't it?  Like you I was starting to get excited and looking forward to telling close family at xmas.  

Dh thinks I should stay home from work today but I'm going to put my best brave face on and go in.

It's just so unfair that we put ourselves through all the appointments, drugs, scans, ec etc and its all for nothing.  Thinking about second go in new year - when do you decide enough is enough though?

Keep your chin up chick, we can get through this, we just need a few days to regroup   x


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## lexiecat (Jun 13, 2011)

Hi Princesspink and Shelleysugar

so sorry you are both in the same boat 

i'm just thinking all sorts of horrors now like my immunes are causing problems or something...how can we have given our bodies a pregnancy 'on a plate' and it still won't work, arrgghh.

maybe unlucky 13, will turn lucky for us for 2013!
xx


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## Camelgirl (Oct 8, 2012)

Hello,

Sorry to hear about your bfn, I know exactly how you feel as I had mine today after 1st IUI. My tears have flowed out and Im worrying about telling my family (who have been so supportive). I hate that we have to go through this and the bfn is making me so bitter! I'm dreading seeing friends with babies or pregnant ones. I just think why us?!!!!! (sorry I'm not helping!!) rant over!!

We have to remember all the ladies who have been through much more to have a healthy pregnancy and take strength from them. If we want a child enough then we have to go through these treatments and just....hope xxx


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