# What to tell 4yr old daughter about fertility treatment?!



## cinders35 (Feb 23, 2007)

Hi, 
just wondering if anyone has any advice on how/what/if to tell my 4yr old dd about fertility treatment? Or should I keep telling white lies? She is sooooo longing for a brother or sister. We are sooooo longing to give her one!! Any ideas?


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Hi Cinders thats a good question, 
personaly I would say be honest, but spare her the detail prehaps say that you would like to give her a brother or sister but it may take some time and the doctors are going to help you but it might not happen   you could prehaps ask her to wish really hard for one  & promise her that she will be the first person you tell.

Sadly my relationship with my mum when I was younger was difficult as I wanted a sibling (apparently) and would get angry at my mum for not giving me one - Now obviously I dont remember this, but its what Ive been told. So I think being honest is all you can do.


~Dizzi~


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## cinders35 (Feb 23, 2007)

Thanks Dizzi,
That sounds like pretty good advice. I will keep that in store for future use! It's so difficult for her , when all her friends have brothers/sisters. I am keeping a personal diary too, so whatever happens, when she is older she can read it and hopefully understand. 
Thanks again

Cindersxx


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## bek (Feb 28, 2007)

hello

my 4 yr old son had to accompany me to a scan when i couldn't get child care so had no choice about telling him. i told him they were looking at my eggs inside my tummy on the computer and that we were trying to make a brother or sister baby but something wasn't working - which is pretty much the truth. he seems to have taken this on board.

xxx bek


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## cinders35 (Feb 23, 2007)

Thanks for that Bek,
All good advice! I was dumbstruck as after reading Dizzys reply yesterday, dd was messing around, & I was a bit nervous of her accidently giving my tum a kick, poke, shove! So I said my tummy was a bit poorly and to be a bit careful. She lifted up my top & said "is there a baby in there?"!! (We were 1 day post et!) So I fumbled a bit and said that I didn't know, and would she like one? She ofcourse replied yes so that she could be a big sister! So I remembered what Dizzy said and Told her that perhaps if we wished for one it would come true. So she shut her eyes tight, screwed up her face, (not sure how that helps?!) and made a wish.  Dp and I also made a wish!  She kissed my tummy, and I had all the way to go to not blub!!
We think we have kept most of this stuff from her so far, but she's not stupid, I think she must be cottoning(is that a word??!!) on to the fact that something is going on. 
Anyway, thanks guys!
Cinders35


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Dear Cinders
Like the others have said I think honesty is a good policy and its amazing how kids grasp any situation and their understanding and then putting it into simple words is amazing.  My DS is quite good in fertility issues now not necessairly by choice but the fact that he has heard me speak seen me a little upset sometimes but he knows he is so loved and that we are doing all we can to help mummy and daddy have a baby that he so wants as well.  he has come to some appointments with me although don't always like doing this as so worry about the other women who may have none but he does not bat an eyelid about it all now.  Sometimes he has come out with comments when you don't want him to but as they say honesty is the best policy, I have told him that mummy has old eggs and that we might having some from someone else- in fact since we have spent the last two to three months deciding what to do he has gone very quiet on it hence probably because we have.  All of his friends have siblings but I think he has also realised that sometimes they can get in the way too so instead of the constant longing for a play mate he is very good with his own company.
anyway I am waffling now but what I mean to say its amazing how matter of fact they will be about any situation. 
i think the wishing and kissing your tummy is lovely and I wish you lots of luck too.

take care
susie


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## cinders35 (Feb 23, 2007)

Thanks Susie,
I appreciate that. Think consensus is honesty, at a level they can comprehend.
Wishing you lots of luck too.
Cinders35xx


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## x shye x (Jan 24, 2006)

Hi there

I was in this situation on my 1st cycle of IVF as my son walked in whilst i was doing an injection and i didnt want him going to school saying this so i sat him down and explained the situation which went well until the treatment never worked 

He was devastated to the point where he was breaking his little heart and it tore mine apart at the same time and i was trying to deal with it not working at the same time.  I personally think honestly is good but a child should sometimes not have to worry and stress about adult problems and kids do worry about there mummies so when i did my 2nd cycle i decided not to tell him.  I felt it was much better as this way i knew he would not worry and if it didnt work thats a problem i didnt have to face.  Kids are good at understanding but like adults when things dont go to plan they can be just as devastated and thats not fair. Thankfully it was a happy ending very a very happy little boy but he still brings up the 1st cycle now so it does have an inpact. x

Hope thats helped goodluck xxxxxxxxxx

shye x


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## cinders35 (Feb 23, 2007)

Firstly congrats Shye!
Hope you are taking it easy?! That seems like good advice too! Think a very, very, watered down version of the truth will be most appropriate, when the time comes. Last cycle was bfn, and we managed to get through without having to tell her. But the older she gets the more inquisitive she is getting! So will probably say something like Dr's are going to try and help us to make a baby with some medicines, but it can take a long long time. What do you reckon?
Cheers!  
Love Cindersxx


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## claire12 (May 14, 2007)

hi everyone,

Sorry to butt into your board! we have a 5year old daughter who is desperate for a baby brother/sister she has started asking even more by the fact my sister in law had a little girl in september so her cousind now have a little sister. She will ask me about a baby then ask her dad when she thinks im not listening! we are due to start IVF thusday 24th May but have decided not to actually tell her as we dont want to get her hopes up, she knows we are trying for a baby but not that it will all be happening over the next couple of months. I think this way if it doesnt work she will be none the wiser and still carry on as normal and if it does work we can tell her the good news straight away!
All children are different and you know your kids best so i think if it feels right for you to explain it to them then its the right desicion. 
Good luck to everyone under going fertility treatment at the mo hope you all get the result you are longing for.
take care,
Claire x


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## cinders35 (Feb 23, 2007)

Hi Claire,
You are by no means butting in, and are very welcome!!! As it happens dd said last night "I want a baby sister", so I explained that mummy and daddy would like to have a baby brother or sister for her too, and that we are trying but that it might take a while. She groaned "ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" as only a 4yr old knows how, and carried on with her playhouse disney channel!!!!
Now that I know the devestation of a bfn I don't want to put her through it aswell, so am pretty much adopting the same plan as you. As much truth as I believe she is capable of dealing with.
Nice to "meet" you Claire. Hope to see you around again soon.
Good luck with the treatment!!!!    
Love Cindersxxxx


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