# Joining this forum is a bit of a milestone



## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

Hello,

I've dipped into infertility forums as a guest over the last three years, so joining this one feels like another milestone on the long gruelling journey that is subfertility.

It's very nice to be here. I sort of feel a bit isolated from my friends and family over this whole business, even from my husband who doesn't feel quite as I do about this experience.

Sometimes I read posts from people and they seem so united as a couple and to be really working as a team. My husband hates talking about things but when he does he is very honest. He says that although he would like children theoretically, if he could choose he wouldn't be trying for a baby yet.

I am beginning to accept that we don't feel the same way and that is okay. I still get irrationally angry with him sometimes though because he won't give up smoking.

He gets frustrated by me because I have a tendency to be a little (understatement of the millennium) obsessive about this whole baby business to the extent that I can't think about anything else.


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## Charlies-Mum (May 25, 2005)

Welcome Juniper.

TTC can be a really lonely journey, whether or not your other half is on the same wavelength or not. What 'should' be an easy next step causes those of us with IF problems so much pain and anguish, something that 'normal' people don't get at all.

I hope you will find some comfort here - there are people from all walks of life and you can trust that we are all in the same boat.

Anyway I won't witter on, but wanted to send you a big  and say hello

TTFN
Debs


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## allison kate (Aug 9, 2005)

Hi Juniper

Welcome to FF, you'll find lots of friends here to help you through when you need a hand.

Your DH sounds just like mine did when we started out on the IVF route and he still says to me from time to time that I'm what's important to him and a baby would just be the icing on the cake.  No one that hasn't been down this route can really understand what you're going through, no matter how hard they try.  That's why it's so wonderful to have your buddies on FF.

Wishing you the very best of luck with your tx in the New Year and may 2006 bring you your dreams.
Have a happy Christmas too!!

Lots of love
Allison xxxx


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## AlmaMay (Oct 15, 2004)

Dear Juniper,

I could have written the same exact post you just did when I joined this site a year ago.  I was very lonely, depressed and felt my marriage was coming to an end.  I couldn't understand how unlucky I was to have a husband who refused to talk about any IF issues and was actively trying to disuade me from treatment.  

Things couldn't be more different from one year to the next.  I've made good friends from this site and we get together regularly.  DH and I are not fighting any more about IF, mainly because I don't feel the need to talk to him about it as I have my FF who are much more informed and supportive.  He appreciates this and in turn has become supportive and even asks questions about treatment now!

I hope you find friends and get the support that you need.  

Hint - look in the Meeting Places area and see if there are any local groups.  I'm with the London Girls and we are very social and it really helps!

x,
Almamay


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## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

Thanks so much for your warm welcome. Your replies are really helpful already - and so fast! It feels like we've got such a long journey ahead of us and I've no idea where we are going to end up.
Thanks again.


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## freespirit. (Nov 24, 2004)

Hello Juniper , 

 I too , just wanted to say hello and welcome to the site ( i'll warn you now though it is adictive   ).
IF can be a very isolating thing , but as the others said this site is full of information , support and understanding .
Wishing you luck on your journey 

Freespirit x


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

i know exactly how you feel when you talk about being lonely i feel like that.  I do have a supportive husband in ways (he would do anything needed to have a baby) but i also feel like he does't understand how I feel however hard he tries, I think only peple in the same situation may understad me.  
I feel very lonely and to some extent depressed about it all, and what seems to be such a long journey ahead for a what should be so natural.
I donlt think I am helped by working as nursery nurse in a baby room of a nursery but I have to deal with it


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi juniper and welcome to ff

Since finding this site i have felt so much better in myself as all my friends have babies, are pregnant or not fussed about ever having kids! They dont seem to understand how i feel.

My hubby is great but he has got it in his head that we can never have kids and each month i come on i get upset as i think is this the time i might get pregnant and my hubby just says that he knows i wont be and i feel he doesnt understand me. He seems to think that well when it does happen it will be a lovely surprise. If that makes sense?!!

I do get depressed over it sometimes although deep down i know it might happen one day and that if i fell pregnant now i would be stuck as im doing my nurse training and sometimes i see my sister in law and her hubby with their 10 month old baby and i dont envy them as they are finding it hard work. I just get fed up when ppl say to me when are u going to have a baby etc etc

Anyway take care

Kate


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## TessaF (Aug 15, 2005)

Hi Juniper 

Like you I have been on the edge of this site for a while and have only just joined in - I have found it a big help so far!  It is good to talk to other women who are in the same situation as I don't think that our DH, no matter how supportive they are, can fully understand how we feel because they don't have to deal with the dreaded hormones.  If you are anything like me the arrival of AF feels like the end of the world and is made so much worse by the hormones racing around.  Each time I've been on clomid I feel like I've got permanent PMT and hubby gets the brunt of it.  Try to find some support from this site and you never know, your hubby might start to see things in a different light - it might be his way of dealing with the stress to seem detached

Hope you find what you need

C  xx


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi tessa F that information has helped me!

Maybe by chatting on here i wont keep harping on to my hubby about things and instead of feeling stressed me and hubby can have some fun   Although having a baby is always at the back of my mind..........

Anyway take care

Kate


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## TessaF (Aug 15, 2005)

Hi Kate

Glad to be a bit of help! I think we all have babies on the brain, and its hard to see a way out of the sadness sometimes - but we have to find a way cos it'll be a hard slog if we don't try to have a life outside of 'TTC'!  Mind you, I can talk - I'm not exactly the world's best at not thinking about our problems - but I have found that this site is a good place to come to if you feel a bit like that.  

Speak soon

Clare


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## Jappa (Nov 16, 2005)

Welcome Juniper

You will always find people to talk to on this site, IF is such a devastating issue to deal with and I truely believe that however supportive our partners are they can never fully understand what we ladies are going through with our hormones and emotions.  I have found the waiting for treatment the hardest thing to deal with as you feel like you have no control or power over the situation and everything feels helpless. 

Good luck with your treatment, there are no easy resolutions to the emotions you are feeling but you will receive lots of support and advice from this site, of that you can be assured.

Jappa xx


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi clare and thanks again!

I try not to think about having a baby and ttc but the thought is always there - sometimes i wish i wasnt counting the days till my period due date or when is the best time to try and concieve - i sometimes tell myself well forget it all and you might actually fall pregnant when i least expect it BUT i just cant help it!!

Anyway glad i found this site!!

Take care

Kate


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## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

Wow! This is such a relief. It's really helpful to know that I'm not the only person who counts the days and the hours until my period is due and - no matter how hard I try - get my hopes up every month only to come crashing down again.

My poor husband just doesn't understand how I can let myself get so worked up, so thank you all so much for sharing your experiences with me. It makes me feel a lot more 'normal'.

And thank you for the bubbles. It's amazing to think that there are so many of us out there who are experiencing the pain of subfertility and that in 'real' life we tend to have to keep it all bottled up, not upset or embarass other people with our feelings. It's so nice to be able to be honest about it in this forum.

Thank you.
xx


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## allison kate (Aug 9, 2005)

Hi Juniper..hope you're settling into the site.  I noticed on your profile that you're due to start IUI in the New Year...have you said hello on the IUI board or the cycle buddies board...there will be loads of people going through exactly the same thing as you as and I think you'll find it helpful.

I'm on the Winter Wonders board (Jan/Feb 1006) so if you're cycling then, come and say hello, it'll be nice to see you

Lots of love
Allison xxx


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

I wsh  could count the days to my AF but I have no idea when it will come


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi juniper - glad im not the only mad one in the country counting the days to my period!! This is a great site as in a way nobody knows how you are but u can talk about anything on here.

I dont think husbands do understand what its like for us woman and the need we feel to have a baby. Its the one thing ive always wanted when i was older but there we go - it happens for a reason.

Shouldwood - how come u dont know when your AF is? Do u get them atall? I always count mine for every 28 days but then they are still late - this week i was 5 days over and i had my hopes up so much but i knew i wouldnt be pregnant and i came on so put it down to stress!!

Take care all

Kate xx


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

my AF are rather in frequent and can not be relied upon at all part of the PCOS.  If I'm lucky they are about 35 days apart or it could be up to 8-9 weeks. There is just no telling.


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## Juniper (Dec 13, 2005)

That must be really stressful, Shouldwould. Not knowing when to expect AF. I'd never looked at it from that point of view before - too busy obsessing about every twinge and sensation trying to work out if it's a AF sympton or a PG symptom.

It must be really tough dealing with that extra uncertainty on top of all the other uncertainty IF brings with it.

I think this forum is brilliant - I feel like I've already learnt lots from other people's experiences and the warm welcome and genuine concern you all show for each other is wonderful.

Also - and rather crucially - I think being part of this forum is going to help me stop feeling quite so sorry for myself.

I spend all my time in the 'real world' around people who are popping out babies left, right and centre without apparently putting any effort into it (you know the story) and DH and I are the only IF couple around, so it's very easy for me to fall into 'Woe is me, it's so unfair' mode.

But here IF is the reality for all of us and it's making me a little less bitter and a little less self-pitying about the whole business.

You all seem like such lovely, caring people. It does seem so unfair that people with so much love to give to a child have to go through so much in the hope of concieving or adopting one.

Thanks for being so welcoming and warm.

xx


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

I am really lucky that one of the women I work with is had much the same problems as me and understands me when I'm notfeeling good etc


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi shouldwood you poor thing - glad my AF is roughly regular but like juniper i sit there and try and work out what symptom it is!!

Trying to still get my head round that we cant have children but i still have a bit of hope there at the back of my mind!

Take care

Kate xx


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

I've learnt already from a friend who can't have children never say never


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi shouldwood - what happened with your friend?

Kate


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

She has PCOS and blocked tubes.  She tried IVF once and BFN and then her and her partner split. She is now with someone else has been a few yrs and they are thinking about trying or adopting


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## Pickle_99_uk (Dec 12, 2005)

Hi there, 

I just want to say welcome to ff.  I know what you mean about DH..my husband has 2 grown up girls from a prevous marriage so he will never know childlessness.  he is very supportive but i always feel that i want this more than he does.  Good luck with your journey.

Tracy

P.S. FF is addictive!


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