# Over from the ICSI board



## ThisTime (Jun 24, 2007)

Hi everyone, I've crossed over from the ICSI board. My DH and I have been trying IVF/ICSI for 10 years without success. We've decided that it's time to change tactics. So we're trying DIUI.
So many weird feelings/thoughts, don't know where to start.
Status: went to clinic today with DH (second time), embryologist said I've got someone who's a really good likeness. She's given us the profile sheet - height, weight, eye colour etc.
We're waiting for the second and third options (they give 3 as standard).

If this works, my big question is, will my DH bond with the baby. I'd love to know your experiences and how you feel after successful DIUI. I know I'm jumping the gun - there's no pg yet (starting mid April, here's hoping).

I feel really emotional one minute and excited the next - is this normal? One minute ever so upset that I won't have DH's kids, next the realisation that there's other options.

Any advice really very welcome.

Love H x


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## LLM (Dec 9, 2004)

Hi H, Just wanted to say that I can totally empathise with your emotions as I have only recently given up on all chance of having DH's biological child and it's a huge decision to make. As for DH bonding, I can only speak about my DH's feelings and he has always been more than ready to accept the donor option, it's been me that's been holding back. He used an analogy once with me where he described how much he adores our labrador and couldn't imagine life without her and if he can feel like that about a lump of fluff with 4 legs just imagine how much love he's going to have for a child that we can nuture together.

One other point, where are you having treatment? It sounds like they don't have a donor shortage when they can offer you 3 matches!

Take care
Lou xx


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## ThisTime (Jun 24, 2007)

Hi Lou, thanks for your reply. When are you thinking of trying with DIUI? You're right my Clinic has no waiting list. It's the London Women's Clinic in Harley Street. I was seeing a counsellor about all the fertility stuff for about a year and she's affiliated with this clinic. I am confident that they do the best they can with matching.
I can start next month (scary).
You are very lucky to get feedback from your DH - he sounds wonderful. I get very upset sometimes that I can't have my DH's kids for whatever reason. We have spoken at length though and I am always checking in, making sure he's OK with every step of this process. I am having to deal with my own feelings on this as well and it is very scary.
I'm sure though that the feelings we both have are absolutely normal with this treatment. I'm also sure that my DH would stop if he wasn't ok. He's not the best at articulating his feelings but I've known him for 18 years now, well enough to know that he would not do something he didn't want to.
I do have all the normal questions/feelings and one of them is how well he will bond with a child that is not genetically his.
Maybe I need to get a big lump of fluff with 4 legs as a test !!!!
Thanks for sharing your situation Lou, it's nice to know other people in the same situation.
H x


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## LLM (Dec 9, 2004)

I'm off and running with my first diui. I'm on clomid (for days 2-6) and then I'm in for a scan next Tuesday to make sure I'm not making too many eggs which is very doubtful as I've never been a good responder even on full blown stims! Then as soon as my LH surge happens they'll whip me in for my first basting, possibly the end of next week. All very scary but as my good friend would say "Feel the fear and do it anyway!" I could spend my life over analysing every minor detail and sometimes you just have to go with the flow and fumble your way through all the emotional questions. We'll take each step as it comes and somehow we'll get there, plenty of others do!

I've found the "anyone using donor sperm" thread a font of knowledge and support. Pop your head in there and say hello, I'm sure there will be plenty of girls to offer you advice.

Take care
Lou x


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## olivia m (Jun 24, 2004)

Hi H
I think all of us who have had to go through the grieving of not being able to have the genetic child of a loved partner, have felt the way you do...and I think it's really difficult these days when ICSI and surgical retrieval offer so much hope.
Do have a look at our website www.dcnetwork.org - particularly at the Planning a Family leaflets (go to Free Downloads) where you will find Letter Leaflets that address your feelings as well as those of your partner and the For Men section.  I know very many men, including my own husband, who have had no trouble bonding with their donor conceived children and indeed feel that they are both better parents and better people for having to face their infertility, integrate the fact of it into who they are, and move on to having the children it is possible for them to have.  Neither my husband nor I have any regrets whatsoever at going ahead with donor conception and our children are 24 and 21 now, and have known about their origins since they were very little.
Very best wishes
Olivia


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## ThisTime (Jun 24, 2007)

Hi Olivia/Lou, 
Lou I have everything crossed for you. I hope that it works first time around. It is very scary isn't it. We have now just replied to the Clinic to confirm the donor they have selected. So here's to the next cycle.
Olivia, thank you so very much for your kind a supportive words. I will certainly have a look at the DCN site. It was also recommended to me by a counsellor recently.
Lou, keep in touch, let me know how it goes. I'll look out for you on the 2ww boards if you use that.

It is the start of a very different journey to the one I've already been on. I had no idea that there would be a whole new bag of feelings to deal with.
However, after speaking tonight with my DH, he puts it so simply - "well you want a baby, I want a baby, and it's the next logical step".
I don't ever claim to understand men, but with logic like that I envy them   
Love H x


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## sam mn (Feb 2, 2006)

h i was in same postion as lou. my dh wanted to go ahead with donor when we found out his diagnosis. i didnt it took me about 6mths to come around. i had concern as you have about dh bonding. but i needed have worried he is the most amazing dad. and our little boy adores his daddy. 

good luck h and lou with your cycles. wishing lots of      

sam
xxxx


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## LiziBee (Aug 24, 2004)

HI!
Just wanted to add that DH is the most wonderful Dad to our fantastic daughter and I have no worries about how he will bond with number 2!!
(I think all the posters on this thread know my story so I'll not bore you with it again!!)
Good luck to Lou and H and love to all
Lizi.xxx


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## ThisTime (Jun 24, 2007)

Hi Lizi/Sam, thanks for your positive messages. It really helps.
I love FF and the people who're on here, it's always been here for me at every step through all this nightmare and it's so nice to see all the happy people at the nice end of the journey.
Something to aim for eh!
I very much hope I can appreciate being a mum too one day.
H xx


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