# Pros and cons of adopting an older child (4-9 years)?



## thesmiths88 (Jan 26, 2010)

I wonder if anyone could tell me, obviously only their personal opinion, of the pros and cons of adopting an older child rather than a younger one (under 4)?

Many thanks

Hannah


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## Guest (Feb 3, 2010)

We took a family of three who were 4,6 and 8 when they arrived almost two years ago.  

From my limited experience:

Cons: 
You don't get to do many of their "firsts"
You have to undo some of their past and deal with the after effects

Pros:
More of the major issues should have been identified
You can more easily discuss tricky stuff with them
They are at school during the day, giving you time to recharge

We also see a difference between our three - who were 2,3 and 5 when they were taken into foster care.  
The eldest remembers both better and worse times with her birth family and was old enough to have an understanding of what was going on, so although she does have stuff to deal with it, it is out in the open.  
The youngest has no conscious memory of the time with her birth family but does have unconcious fears that stem from her early life  but they are harder to deal with because in some ways they are hidden.  
Our middle child is somewhere in between but generally only remembers the later more difficult times and we have had to help him to deal with an underlying anger.  

Hope this helps a little

Bop


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## thesmiths88 (Jan 26, 2010)

Thank you Bop, thats very helpful.


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