# Where to start finding a surrogate?



## Sarah_Bee (Mar 13, 2005)

Hi

I have recently been told that I have adhesions from an ectopic pregnancy and I wont ever be able to conceive or carry a child. We have embryos stored from previous unsuccessful IVF attempts (before I found out that the scarring was a problem) and therefore we are looking for a gestational surrogate to carry our precious embryos for us.

I have read a lot of information on the subject and am familiar with the practicalities and legalities. But what I would like to know is - is joining COTS or SUK the only way that we can find a surrogate and would you recommend it?

We have spent £20,000+ on infertility treatment already and are running low on funds but we have enough for Frozen Embryo Transfer and all the associated legal costs and surrogates expenses but arent in a position to throw money around - if you understand what I mean.

I notice to join COTS and SUK it's £650 / £850 (ish) 

So my question is this - is it worth the money? Am I likely to find a surrogate through these organisations and can anyone recommend one over the other? Or do I have a cheaper alternative option?

Thanks
Sarah


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## surromummyuk (Oct 4, 2007)

hi hun,you have a private message.......


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## Jennifer (Jul 22, 2004)

Hi Sarah

Take your time with choosing an organisation to go with.

I joined Surrogacy UK as they state "Friendship first, surrogacy second" and this was exactly how I felt I wanted my surrogacy journey to be.

I met my IPs at the first social event I went to before I was even a member - I joined up as a Gold member soon after.

Take your time and don't part with any money until you are sure whose support you feel you will gain most from 

Best of luck
Jennifer xx xx

ps - here is a link for SUKs forum http://www.surrogacyuk.org/cgi-bin4/default.asp

/links


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## OD2 (Oct 1, 2007)

Hiya

I cant speak for COTS, but joining SUK was a really good decision for us.  We met our surrogate within a couple of months of joining which was great, but there have been various delays in getting started with treatment since then, so we're now getting going about a year later.  the best thing about SUK is that, by going along to socials and conferences, you become part of a network which provides you with really good information and a constant sounding board for the questions you might have along the way - and for hte emotional ups and downs that seem to come with the territory.  

Surrogacy isn't an easy choice, not least because IVF costs are so outrageous, but for us, the investment in SUK has also saved us money - e.g. friends we've met there have told us about a cheap pharmacy that saved us hundreds of pounds on drugs and we've also managed to avoid unnecessary treatment by asking advice from people who are more experienced.  I know you'd get some of that from these boards too of course.

Anyway, good luck whatever you decide - it does work - there are many little ones running around who would never have existed without surrogacy.

Fx


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## surromummyuk (Oct 4, 2007)

never give up hun,it can and will happen!


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## Fruitbat24 (Nov 6, 2006)

Hi Sarah

I belive in spreading my self thin and joined as many organisations as I could.

I joined COTS first as they were the largest - but I found it rather impersonal.  Also after a year and a half we were no closer to finding a surrogate mum.

I have also looked at the other boards MDH and A little wish - but found thought they are friendly and contain good information - however they are small and not very active.

My clinic advised me to join SUK and that was the best £600 I have ever spent.  I have already made savings worth over three thousand pounds on my ivf treatment based on advice from the boards. The boards are extremely active - with answers at the end of the keyboard within hours sometimes even minutes LOL.  There are also regular meetings - almost one a month in various parts of the country which allow you to meet other people going through the same things as you are.  I really appreciated IPs in the same situation as me to have a good old natter and a moan.  The main reason it was all worth it in the end was that I have been lucky enough to have worked with one surrogate mum (ended after two attempts due logistical difficulties eg husbands in Afghan) and am now lucky enough to be working with someone else .....all because of SUK ( I joined in Feb 2006!).

The key thing is to investigate all the websites - you can do this free of charge on most of them and turn up to meetings if they have them - again it can be free of charge and make your decision based on which one suits your personality best.


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## surroseeker (Jan 10, 2008)

i use the message board on COTS but i flatly refuse to throw away money to join a message board/support forum like COTS & SUK.
i would rather try find my surro myself,i have a wonderful solicitor for all the legal stuff.
they say they are non-profit organisiations but like already said here,too much goes on behind closed doors.


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## watkinsfamily07 (Jan 10, 2008)

Hi,

I am a host surrogate with Cots and feel it is a fantastic organisation to work with as they are very supportive. I agree the fees seem high whoever you choose to go with, but Cots give you all the legal and emotional support/advice you ever need. 
Also, all the surrogates at Cots beleive in having a good friendship with their IP's before having treatment. Everyone is so supportive of each other and it feels like one big family. You will also find that not all surrogates ask for the full expenses amount and we don't beleive in 'making money' out of this, we do it because we truly want to help people like yourselves have the family they have always dreamt of.
You can always ask lots of questions on the public forum on the message boards at Cots. Its  www.surrogacy.org.uk .

Couples looking for host surrogates usually expect to wait approx 0-6 months to be chosen by a surrogate, and longer with straight surrogacy.

Hope this helps

love
sarah

/links


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## surroseeker (Jan 10, 2008)

i found it better to save the money these sites/organisations ask and look further afield for my dream surro,and the funny thing was is that she was right under my nose the whole time.

now we are full steam ahead and have insems dates all planned as well.


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