# Really struggling to cope . . .



## Miss Scarlett (Aug 9, 2011)

Hi,

This weekend yet another of my friends have announced they are expecting.  I am really really struggling to cope at the moment, it seems all my friends one by one are having babies.  It sounds horrible but i cant be happy for them, its irrational and unfair and i know it but cant control the feelings, i have to just hide away and not face them and probably will avoid facing them for as long as possible simply because i cannot cope with it!  

Not only am I struggling with all the happy couples and their baby news, it makes it even more real i am on my own and I am terrified of doing it all alone and I just don't know the best place to start and i know it is also going to cost a lot of money which scares me, it is also seeming like a never ending road to the goal of having a very precious child - if i am lucky!

I have just had a hard couple of days and feel so alone, emotionally wrought and just in complete and utter crisis at the moment!


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## DZWSingleMumma (Nov 18, 2010)

Miss Scarlett,

I wanted to acknowledge your post.  I remember and still can feel those days of utter hopelessness around knowing I was going it alone.  (there's a great post on here with loads of hope of other single women who made the choice to go it alone.)

I want re-assure you that for some of us it didn't cost a ton of money.  Others it did.  Everyone is unique.  I was prepared to spend anything to get my child and was blessed with an IUI that worked 1st time.  The money comes if it's meant to be.  

My suggestion and experience is start at the beginning.  Get some advice from others who have gone through it.  Can you come to the October meet up in London?  It's a great place to meet other single women who have gone through it.  When I started back in October I felt so overwhelmed.  I am now 6 months pregnant and some days still really overwhelmed but know that I am on the right path.

Know you are not alone in your feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.  

Dawn


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Sending some   

It took me 3 and a half long years to conceive after I'd decided to go it alone (and for several years before that I'd longed for children) during which the majority of my friends and family had at least one if not more children (the day I told my sister I was planning to ttc on my own, she told me she was expecting her 2nd child, and her 3rd was born before I got my BFP) so I know how very very tough it is 

But you can and will get there if it's what you want
As Dawn has said, there are many of us here going it alone and whilst it is scary sometimes, none of us regret it for one moment

Do try and make one of the meet ups, I'm sure it will help you to talk to others going through the very same thing - you are not alone
 
Suitcase
x


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## irish jo (May 3, 2010)

hi Miss Scarlet 

i just read your post and it brought back all the thoughts that i have had in the past 
and still have sometimes.
it is a hard situtation to be in when you long for that child and it seems so far away but you will get there in the end.
and i also have to say you are a very strong person to do it on your own i think anyone who can raise a child on their own is remarkable and you should be very proud of yourself and just be kind to yourself it will happen for you 

Love and light 

Jo


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## Minnie35 (Oct 28, 2009)

Miss Scarlett    


I can identify with absolutely everything in your post. Please know that you are not alone, I reckon there are lots and lots of ladies on this thread who have had the same horribly painful feelings.


Don't feel bad about not feeling over the moon about friends' pregnancies, you can't help how you feel. That feeling when yet another friend announces she is pregnant, and although you want to feel happy for them you feel instead as though someone's punched you in the stomach... I was so sensitive to it for a good few years that I was constantly on the lookout for signs that any of my friends might be pregnant. And when one of my closest friends told me I remember I became dizzy and lightheaded and everything! I have no idea how convincing my "joyful" response to the news was.


Also, if any of your pregnant friends have previously had any problems conceiving, there's a good chance that they'd understand you feeling like that if they knew. Please know you're not alone, it's just really hard.


I can also absolutely completely identify with the way you're feeling so alone and terrified.  It's the feeling I've found the hardest of all to deal with, it leaves you feeling so wretched.  The ladies on here are an amazing source of support and wisdom, and I hope you will keep posting on ff as you work out what your plan is.  I don't know whether my very early pregnancy will last - I hope so - but I know that if it doesn't, it'll be the alone feeling again that gets me worst. I hope you can take some comfort from knowing that you're in good company with that one too.  But it's also worth knowing that, despite a lot of really intense terrified feelings, there isn't anyone who's gone for it and regretted it. 


I hope to meet you at one of the meet ups   


Minnie x


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

It's a nightmare, Miss Scarlet,    I think we all feel the same.  It's a really tough journey but all hard things are rewarding.  (Sorry, I typed that before thinking and it's just to good to delete.   )  It's always nice to come onto FF and be in a place where we have the similar thoughts and challenges.

Not sure how far along the trip you are but carry onwith your research and make a plan I say.  You will feel better once you start putting the wheels in motion.  And when the time is right you can put it into action.  I'm trying to look over the top of the hurdles right now.  Not sure if any of that helps but...   Diesy


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## Miss Scarlett (Aug 9, 2011)

Thank you ladies for your kind words, they were very comforting!

Another person i know have just announced they are also pregnant and i just burst into tears!    

It just seems generally everywhere i go i have to face the issue, there is just no escape at all, i really just feel i would like to not be confronted with it every single day but that i know is impossible but i feel like i am suffocating that i want to hide away  

MS x


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Morning Miss Scarlet,

Sounds like you are having a really emotional time of it    A little story of a friend of mine who has PCOS.  She has two gorgeous children which she had in her 40s, 41 and 43.  I know what it's like when everything gets on top of you and you are feeling deep in the mire of miserable uncertainty.  (I was there a number of weeks ago and it really felt like the end of the world    getting back on track now.  )  Oh and when you are there you want to hit everyone who says 'my friend has that and has two lovely kids'.  Keep going with your research and find the right clinic for you if you decide to go ahead.  I've found the UK fertility sector bloomin awful myself.  

Lots of us are here and we all understand exactly what you are going through.  The world at large doesn't always.  Do something nice or different to take your mind of it for a short time, movies or...  The solution will come to you.  I'm sure someone else has mentioned AMH and it's worth doing if you are worried on that side of things.

You have youth on your side, a brain to keep you on track and FF to hold your hand!  
 Diesy   xx


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## SophieBlue (Apr 17, 2011)

Hi Miss Scarlett
I completely understand how you're feeling. Definitely agree with what other ladies said.
From my personal experience I find it hard at first to make that decision to do it alone and not to follow standard family model but what's standard now?
Once I have reached the decision I feel very strongly about it and I know I will carry on and I really hope that my dream will come through one day. Although (as you can see from my signature) I haven't been successful I will keep trying and will stay focus and positive  .

This forum is great source of info and support, you're not alone.
Take care & hope to meet you in London on1 st Oct.
Sophiexxx


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