# 4 failures = rock bottom



## DancingQueen287 (Jun 14, 2017)

Hi
This is my first post so not really sure where to start.  I'm 35 and was diagnosed as having unexplained infertility around 2 years ago (after about 18 months of TTC).  Had an initial round of IVF (with ICSI) which yielded just 4 eggs, 1 viable for day 3 transfer but it didn't implant.  Then had a second and third round of IVF (both with ICSI) neither of which produced any viable embryos.  Accepted that my eggs simply aren't good enough, we moved on to using donor eggs.  Got a match within 2 months and all was promising.  The embryo was top grade and had the transfer on 4th October but just got the negative result this morning.  I don't have the words to describe how utterly lousy I'm feeling but something along the lines of devastating and crushed are pretty close.
We've still got 1 frozen embryo in storage so have another chance to try again but I'm not even sure I want to go through the emotional turmoil again (putting aside the fun & games of the physical side).
My husband has been amazing throughout and my family and close friends too but I'm acutely aware that no-one really understands what I'm going through. 
Any words of support or advice from someone who's actually been there would be great to hear.
Many thanks x


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## Baking Queen (Jul 7, 2014)

Hi Dancing Queen
Yes - I've been there - and got through the other side with a baby.  I thought DE would work straight away so was devastated when it didn't.  In fact, it took until our fifth round to get our baby.  I would get your immunes checked out as that was the missing piece in our jigsaw.
I hope that helps.
BQ. xx


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## DancingQueen287 (Jun 14, 2017)

Thanks BQ, it's good to hear that you had success and many congratulations  
What do you mean about immunes - I've not heard of that before?
If you don't mind me asking, were all of your attempts using the same donor eggs?
Thanks x


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## Rio2016 (Aug 24, 2016)

Sending lots of love.

If helpful I'm 35 too and on my 4th round. Testing tomorrow and then planning to move to donor eggs too if we don't get a BFP.

I'm really sorry your round wasn't successful. It's so upsetting isn't it.

Xxxxxx


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## Rio2016 (Aug 24, 2016)

P.S I tend to have a few months off between cycles. Had two cycles last year, got married, then had another two this year. Maybe take some time to do lovely things as a couple and then regroup in the New Year. It's horrible now and when I got my last BFN in May I was so down but in time I got back to my infertility normal. I just keep going xx


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## DancingQueen287 (Jun 14, 2017)

Hi Rio 2016
Fingers crossed that you got the positive result on your test day x
It is utterly devastating when it fails.  I found it much harder failing with the donor egg embryo because it was "perfect" and "top grade" which makes me feel like it was a problem with me.  
Hopefully we'll have some information at our follow up appointment.
Just realised that I put 35 in my original post, I'm actually 36 (37 in 3 months!) 
DQ x


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## Baking Queen (Jul 7, 2014)

Hi DancingQueen
My immune system was too strong so every time an embryo started to implant, my immune system would kill it off. To get pregnant my immune system had to be suppressed. You’ll find lots of information about immunes on this site.
No - my DE cycles weren’t all with the same donor - this was our fourth one.
Hope that helps. Please feel free to ask me any questions.
BQ. xx


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## Wishings15 (Mar 27, 2015)

I was 6th time lucky, and immunes didn’t work for me. All with top quality embryos .

Statistically, from my understanding, it’s one and three Ivf’s that work x

It’s so hard xx


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## Rio2016 (Aug 24, 2016)

My fourth round didn't work this week so think I need to give up on my eggs and move to donor. Got a very heavy painful period but surprisingly less devasted than during previous rounds (as of today!). 

I can imagine that the first attempt of anything new not working must be very upsetting 💖💖


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## Tags77 (Aug 21, 2016)

All I can say is Ditto! 
My eggs weren’t up to much so I moved quickly to donor and thought it would be a success. This week I had a chemical pregnancy with 2 good blasts. I’m feeling the same, crushed. Why won’t it happen for me? Am I a bad person? All the things that run through our heads on this journey. For every success each month on this forum there are countless members adding another line to their bio.


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## niknchip (Dec 12, 2011)

Dont give up....have you considered going abroad for your treatment? ...we did and its the best thing we ever did...and much cheaper too...after 4 failures i can imagine how you must be feeling but keep positive...keep believing xx


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