# How do you cope?



## lornam1989 (Jan 28, 2014)

Hi all,

A little background... I'm 25, DH is 28, we been trying for 4 years.

Started our first round of IVF in April, I OHSS so badly I was told I was lucky I wasn't hospitalised and would not receive any further treatment. My AMH level is 138 and I have PCOS (nurse said she has never seen so many cysts before). DH has low morphology.

I am really struggling to come to terms with all of this as is my DH.

We recently went to my sister in laws wedding and it come out the only reason they got married was to have a baby. It has devastated me because I think she will conceive so quick.

How do any of you cope with this? All I think day and night is why? what did I do wrong?

please please help


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## bubblehead (Jan 29, 2009)

lornam1989 said:


> ....I am really struggling to come to terms with all of this as is my DH.
> 
> We recently went to my sister in laws wedding and it come out the only reason they got married was to have a baby. It has devastated me because I think she will conceive so quick.
> 
> ...


Hi Lorna, You've gone through a tough experience, you've been strong and you did nothing wrong! It may be difficult to see that. It's so hard when you feel all that pressure, not to blame yourself x Please don't! x You've been doing all you can, and I'm sure hubby has been great too. Support each other and tell each other what you have been feeling. Maybe find things to do together that are lighthearted too.

I personally found at first (and sometimes when I least expected) when faced with other people's baby plans / happiness surrounding children, I too felt upset. I sometimes blew it out of proportion too. They were happy and getting their babies, 'why not me?!' Another friend and I discussed the green peril of jealousy that overtook us both at different times. We felt horrible and mean and when we saw other people's happiness and dreams being fulfilled, we couldn't seem to stop feeling anger and hurt at not getting OUR dream. My friend had PCOS too.

It does get easier over time. In my recent post (I'm a bit older than you so agree it may feel different) there are times when you get unexpectedly reminded of having not achieved that dream of being a mum. Other times, I am so focused on other things that make me feel good, I realise that I am learning to move on. I am not someone who dreamed of having a baby since being very young though, and I know for others it may feel different. I invest my mothering tendencies to my brother's kids. They get my full attention, so I have a great relationship with them. My brother and sis in law understand that bond is special for me. It helps me to have that role as their Aunt.

Here's a list of suggestions that may be helpful right now... 
Avoid blaming yourself or your body. It will stress you out and that makes matters worse.
Take it one day at a time, one minute at a time, if you need it.
Talk to someone you trust about how you feel. 
I'd also suggest finding other things to focus your attention on right now, good things that distract you from thoughts of treatments and fertility/health. 
Avoid looking at other people's success stories on the fertility forum! It can be lovely to share successes if you know them, but it can also be upsetting. 
I chose to stay in touch through email and ******** with a few people I got to know. I happily look at pictures of one lady's child now, it feels good to see her child grow up as she was supportive of me during my cycles. I feel a lot of warmth towards her and know she treasures her only child after going through numerous treatments.

You can always find support here. I haven't returned in two years and yet posted something and received two replies within 24 hours and then spotted your note. So it was meant to be!

Much love to you x


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