# BFN veterans club (multiple BFNs) part 4



## Shellebell

This is the thread for you if you have had many BFN's   


It is a group that have been together a while with more newbies unfortunately being added for support/rant/hiding/questions/whats next/whats left to try.....


As such it is predominately a BFN chatter thread, but some tx chatter may be found here too.


Thankfully some ladies go on to get their BFP's     and some of this chatter/update may be found here too, but we do request that although this is very promising for some, others may find this too much to cope with, so this chatter needs to be kept to a very minimum. 
I'm sure you can understand


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## bethholm

To all you very special ladies- may all your hopes and dreams come true.

Much love

B x


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## waikiki

Just bookmarking.

Hope that all is well with you Beth   - how have things been over the last few days?


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## lil&#039; one

Hi lovely ladies   
Just finding my way to our new home.............
Lil' one


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## longtimewaiting

Hi everyone – wow, a busy few days!

Welcome Brumbar – so sorry about all your BFNs, you’ve done everything and still no luck, life is sooooo unfair  . Scar tissue from hysto sounds terrible – it’s supposed to be the answer for scar tissue not the cause of it! I’ve been in and out of the Serum thread having had a hysto there earlier this month and planning to cycle in Sept, so recognise your name and may see you out there in Sept. Hope Penny is being helpful and reassuring you.

Hi Waikiki – great news on your ET   hoping and praying you follow in Beth’s steps with another BFP  . As a veteran lady, you definitely deserve it – you’ve been through way too much. My immunes stuff is sinking in now and Penny, as ever, has explained things brilliantly! Still discussing donor sperm possibilities with her and going to keep an open mind - thank you for your thoughts on it all x 

Hi JBox – lovely to hear from you! How is your little one? You were pg when I joined this thread but I remember reading back on your posts, identifying with them and finding them really helpful in my dark days.

Hi Beth – will be thinking of you and your scan tomorrow. Thank you for all your help on supplements and for the cuppa on Sunday.

SL4E – how’s your knee?

Hi lil’ one – how’s the new house?

Hi Jess81 – good luck with sorting out your HSG, if indeed it is what you need.

AFM – Penny has explained my immunes, we are making a plan together, I’ve asked my GP if he’ll prescribe the steroids I need and I’m about to get the supplements I need ordered, so all moving forward and I’m still terrified!


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## Hbkmorris

Book marking


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## Yellow38

bookmarking


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## ruthybee

Bookmarking


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## Jess81

Bookmarking. 
xx


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## Jess81

Hi Ladies, 
me again!! i just called the clinc re my blood results and my Thyroine antibodies have come back on the higer side of normal, stuipidly i didn't ask what the level was!! I am waiting now for the consultant to call me back to let me know what is next and where i need to take medication for this. 

does anyone else have this?? 

Jess xx


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## Lucky Brumbar

Boooooo! Bloody thyroid misbehaving!!!!  No idea what you take for it but i'm sure i saw a thyroid thread here somewhere... Worth having a look around... 
Sorry, i am on my phone otherwise i would've sent  a link....

Xxxx


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## bethholm

Here we are:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=283032.0

B x


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## longtimewaiting

Beth - I'm so very sorry for your loss     Praying your surviving baby continues growing and gettting stronger and stronger  

ps - my immunes were 500 euros with Dr Economu in Athens - results and recommendations were emailed a couple of weeks later x x x


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## bethholm

Thanks LTW - Desperately trying to get my head around it at the moment as you know that I thought I may lose one, but not 2 (and that was just a hunch). You always think that a MMC is down to chromosome problems especially when you see a HB, but when you've moved to DD IVF , it's a complete HF . My last MMC at Christmas/New Year was after a HB and accurate scanning too so needless to say I am totally bricking it and convinced I will lose this too. In total,I have miscarried 4 babies in a year.

Why is this journey so bl**dy hard? It's hard enough when it's difficult to get pregnant, let alone keep it.



B x


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## Jess81

Thanks everyone, thats really helpful. 

Beth i'm so sorry to hear of your losses, i really hope this little one stays put for the next 8 months!! 

Jess xx


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## Lucky Brumbar

Oh Beth.... I am so so sorry hun hope baby fighter makes it... My heart goes out to you babe... Are you on any immune meds? 
Xxxxxx


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## waikiki

Oh Beth hun, I'm so sorry to hear your news.  You are in my thoughts and I'm    that your little one keeps fighting.

           

waikiki


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## longtimewaiting

Oh Beth, you've done everything you can, it's just so hard to cope with all the terribly sad parts of this journey. Praying this baby is a fighter x x x


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## Hbkmorris

Oh Beth, I can't believe what I'm reading.. I'm so sorry for your losses, why oh why have you had to go through so much upset over the past year. I've everything crossed for your little fighter, you must remain positive & strong (easier said than done) and rest as much as you can. I'm praying for you xxx


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## bethholm

Thanks ladies for your support.Still feeling devastated with our loss.I was terrified of having triplets, but I was getting my head around it.I also thought I may lose the smaller triplet, so when the sonographer said that 2 had gone,it was a bit of a head  . Peny of course has been wonderful,although she too says its unusual to lose two which makes me terrified of losing this last triplet.To lose all three is unthinkable; it would bring the number of miscarriages I have had in the past year to 5, which is unbearable.If I do lose all 3,I seriously don't know where we would go from there.I have had the immunes,the Athen's hysto and even moved to DD as I couldn't best going through another MC (how ironic). My next scan is July 4th and I must admit, I am not hopeful at all and am preparing for the worse as my last MMC was exactly at this time...

B x


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## longtimewaiting

Beth - it's so much to cope with, too much. A long and terrifying wait until 4 July. Keeping absolutely everything crossed for your surviving baby  

A very quick question from me, is there somewhere on here that will give me an idea of steriod prices? My GP is proving elusive. 

Love to everyone xxx


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## bethholm

LTW- fertility2u have prices on their website.Thanks for being there.

B xxx


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## longtimewaiting

Thank you Beth - had a look at prices and definitely worth pursuing my GP. How are you today?


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## coweyes

I am so sorry Beth  .  Xxxxxx


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## seemedlike4eva

hello friends old and new...
I'm home from hospital, but  knee is a real mess, and going to be a slow recovery.
Beth love   ,    that your lil one is a real tough nut. 4th july must feel like an eternity away.
Waikiki, here's hoping for good news
Coweyes, hope this month has gone to plan for you too
 HBK & Lil one, hope you're doing ok lovelies.
I won't be going anywhere soon, so I'm here to help if I can xx


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## kitten77

Hi ladies, I'm bookmarking as I still care about you lot and lerk in the back ground but don't post, I'm glad this thread is still going from the time I started it after my 6th failed tx, your all very close to my heart. X


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## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Struggling with internet in new place.
Just jumping on to send   to beth,   this one is a fighter...more personals to follow when I get organized!
Lil' one


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## coweyes

Seamslike4ever.

Thank you for asking after me, yes my treatment so far had gone remarkable well.  Due to the fact that I need pgd I  now at the stage where they r going to biopsie my embryos and hopefully beyond hope we will still have something to put back for egg transfer. It's pretty scary times but we r nearly there. Xx


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## waikiki

It's another BFN for me - I'm sorry, I don't have any more words right now.


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## bethholm

Waikiki- my heart goes out to you. Sending you a big hug.The journey is so so unfair.

B xxxxxxx


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## Lucky Brumbar

Oh waikiki... So so sorry hun....


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## coweyes

I am so so sorry waikki,


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## Jess81

hi ladies, 
waikiki i'm so sorry hunni. big hugs to you. 

i phoned the clinic today to find out if they are going to do anything about my thyroid and they aren't!!! my concern is now what if it gets higher and they are missing a trick on not giving me the medication?! and that causes another loss  

why don't they just give it and see what happens!


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## Lucky Brumbar

Id ask again and again if i was you! I'm really close on asking myself as my TSH is at 1.9 -2.1 which is the top range for fertility as far as i know...


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## pinkpixie

wakki    




kitten nice to hear from you wondering how you were getting on the other day


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## longtimewaiting

Oh no Waikiki – you’re right, no words cut it. Feeling for you at such a sad, sad time. How can life be so damn unfair?     

Coweyes – best of luck with getting some good embies to transfer soon x 

Beth – hope you’re not going too crazy waiting for 4 July. Thinking of you always  

Jess81 – I don’t know anything about thyroid problems but maybe a second opinion might help you to find out what’s right for you? Not always easy though I know. 

SL4E – lovely to see you back. Hope your knee heals more quickly than expected - sounds painful x x x 

Kitten77 – thank you for starting this thread, it’s a lifesaver. So pleased you've made it to motherhood.

Hi Lil’ one, Brumbar, Pinkpixie, Hbkmorris and anyone else reading x x x


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## coweyes

Longtime waiting

My embryoes have been biopsied (that's the pgd part of it, due to my genetic condition) and I am totally over the moon to say that I have 4 healthy embryoes! Transfer will take place tomorrow! 

This is my best chance yet as we r finally getting the right treatment, so even though I am trying not to jump ahead. I am very pleased with things ..... So far. Cx


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## longtimewaiting

4! Fantastic! Good luck with ET today coweyes x x x


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## pinkpixie

coweyes


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## bethholm

Cowseyes - keeping everything crossed for you today.xxxx


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## coweyes

One transferred and one def for the freezer, the other 2are a lottlr less diveloped so goig to give them another 24 hours to see if there good enough for the freezer


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## Frangipanii

Hi please can i join. Bfn for me monday! Next treatment booked but feel low. It's a fight to pick my self up again,  as I am sure you know. Hoping this thread will boost me and make me feel part of something. Fifth attempt coming up, (Omg) after losses and fail. it just aint happening. Having pgd next time. 
Love to all. X


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## coweyes

So sorry to hear about your bfn.

I am having pgd at the moment as I have a balanced translocation ( mix up with my chromazones ). Anyway I have a diary if you war to read it.  Anyhow how come they are suggesting it to you? X. Xx


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## Lucky Brumbar

Coweyes... Yay!!!!!!! 4 out of how many chick, if you don't mind me asking?  Just wonder how that works as i never had my karyotype done and i wonder what the odds are  that there's something wrong with me ( DH is deffo fine as he has two kids - and they are his for sure as they look like him  ) 

Waiting, i'm really sorry you got a BFN hun... It is v hard ... Just find time to grieve and hopefully you'll be able to pick yourself up v soon! Xxx

Beth! How are you doing hun.., hope not too crazy waiting for your next scan.... Praying for your little fighter!!! 

Hi to everyone else!!!  Sorry not too many personals but i can only come here on my phone as i'd rather not use my work laptop and my own got stolen 2 years ago when some  druggies burgled my flat and i used the insurance money for IVF... ( i thought it was better to do that then pau fora laptop!) 

Anyway,  i am on track for a hysto in Sept, possible IUD to prevent scarring and a cycle in October !
Penny recons all will be fine... i told her that if she thinks she sees  scarring again or anything that may adversely impact implantation i need to know and i'm going to transfer 1 or max 2  ( and thats not the best 1 or 2) and freeze the rest!  

Looking forward to it!!!!


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## coweyes

I only had mine doe as I hoped to egg share, and it randomly came up.  This was after 2 icsi cycled and a fet, it broke my heart bust the time, but now I am very very glad I know.

I has 20 follies collected 
        14 fertilised
        13 goOd enough to biopsie
          4 healthy 

We were very lucky with these numbers as its very tricky and unprodictable how many are healthy.  But it all depends on what genetic condition they find wrong with you.

Personally If you have had quite a few failed cycles then I think it's worth getting the test.  But saying that treatment is very expensive 9,000, unless your able to get funding.


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## Lucky Brumbar

I guess i'll  get it done just in case,  as i've had 5 failed transfers now with perfect looking embryos.  The NHS never bothered to test me... Even when they knew i failed 2 private cycles before my NHS funding became available... After  the two nhs cycles flopped  I asked the GP, she wrote the form, i  went twice but never got the results back! Twice!


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## Frangipanii

Thanks ladies. We asked for it as it is a good way of determining the most likely candidates to be successful. But have to say I am a bit unsure about it all so going to do some research tomorrow..will also get in touch with this thread properly! 
Af started today and Omg the pain. Not surprising after months of hormones etc i suppose.
Catch up properly tomorrow. Love to all. x


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## seemedlike4eva

with you Waikiki, so sorry to see your news.   
Coweyes,     , so glad you had some healthy embies.
Welcome, Brumbar and Waiting, sorry that you have had to join our merry band, but we do all know the BFN agony   
Jess, I suffer with thyroid problems, I will have to check before my next cycle what my TSH is, but it's usually really low, but probably worth my while looking at it.
Lil One, hope evrything settling down after the house move for you.
Kitten, nice to see you, and thanks again, what a brainwave starting this thread   
Pinkpixie, hello hun, that ticker is going along nicely.
Beth, continuing to    for you.
Everything still 'on hold' for me....saw Consultant on tues, knee still very delicate, with risk of further bleeding, so got to rest for another 3 weeks, can't even risk physio yet. Bit frustrating as I'd fully intended being on th next plane after having my stitches out. I can't even get up the stairs at home, let alone an aircraft. Oh well...


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## wobs

Hi ladies 
Sorry i've been awol
Waikiki...so sorry to read your news. Why is life so unfair? No words   
Take care     
Beth so sorry for your losses. Keeping everything crossed for you     
Hi to everyone else
Sorry for lack of personals to others. Mad time of term. 
Wobs


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## lil&#039; one

Hi lovely ladies   
SL4E - hope your recovery continues and you get move on soon   
Waiting - hope the pain lessens....another thing to have to deal with....you are in the right place for support....these ladies are terriffic   
Hello Wobs   
Brumbar - i haven't hear of IUD to prevent scarring, is this a common thing?
Coweyes - we have just seen our GP re the karytype testing....hoping nothing comes up, but good to know so we can deal with it   .  You have a good result with the numbers   
Hi to everyone else out there, finding it difficult to keep up as..........
AFM life is a little chaotic! we are in the new house and there is soooo much to do....hence my awol'ness lately.  Found out yesterday that the consultant would like to do a laparoscopy as well as hystero to 'see things from both sides'   .  Ok with it, apart from having to take a week off sick and so need to tell something to my ever nosey work colleagues....guess it's a small thing, but it's what i worry about.  Also have seen GP and have had karyotype testing....   that comes back ok.
Lil' one


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## coweyes

lil one 


Good for you, the odd thing was that it totally broke my heart to find out that not only did we have fertility problems, but also a genetic problem which impacted on our fertility, it was like i was domed from all angles.  But it has also done a lot of good, its brought me nearer to excepting that having my own child may not happen, its also set me on the right path regarding treatment as icsi, just does not cut it!


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## Frangipanii

I have to say me and my DH (although not so darling today as he is annoying me!) are really confused about this pdg stuff! I am not even sure whether to have it or not. Out of five embryos 3 got me pregnant but my body seemed to reject them so do I do it or not. I am going to see consultant on Thursday so I can discuss it with her. Sorry if I sound a bit of a moron - bfn has knocked me for six and struggling to even get out of bed! Although af is murder so not surprising really! Also must apologise for selfish 'me' posts, I am going to have a day catching up with everything on sunday so will be less 'me' then! 
lots of love x


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## coweyes

I think you just need to get informed before you can even begin to think about what to do! So sorry to hear your having such a rough time. Xx


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## seemedlike4eva

waiting, never apologise for a 'me' post, hun, that's why we're here to help each other through the dark days, with people who understand, and  won't judge   
hello Wobs, it's nearly holiday time, hang on in there!
Lil One, fingers crossed for your test results.
Beth, only a few more days, rooting for you.
Have been meaning to say 'hi' for ages to Nordikat, I know you're not posting, but just in case you read through, think of you often   
Coweyes, hope you're taking it easy missus, and that your precious cargo is holding on tight    
Been trying to 'guesstimate' my cycle dates for next couple of months, think realistically it's going to be september before I can go, as August in Czech will be way too hot. May even lose a bit more weight.
Waikiki,   hope you've had a peaceful weekend.
HBK, how you doing? Are you back on the rollercoaster hun?
  to everyone, see you agin soon! xxx


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## Frangipanii

Thanks, Seemslike4eva and Coweyes, got review on thursday and then off to edinburgh for a little break so on sunday so I think after that I may have my head straight back on! And will be able to get pgd sorted in my head! 
Seems like people have very varied prices for pgd, quite strange how different clinics have such different processes.
How is everyone today? My dh has made this big deal about watching eng-oz cricket on the telle and has fallen asleep! may have to turn over! we are having a lazy day!
lil'one, how long did it take to move, we are putting house on market next month and I would like to move ASAP -would even knock house down 20k to do it but market seems a bit slow. We are relocating to so adds some complexities! Cant wait! Much to my Mums annoyance - she hates the thought of me being more that 20mins away!
much love x


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## seemedlike4eva

Good evening!
had some lovely news from a fellow FFer last nite, you know who you are  , who after lots of failed cycles & a 16 week m/c has a viable natural BFP. Me & DH are thrilled  .
Waiting, my DH is desperate to move and downsize. I am undecided, but if next cycle fails, liquidating some of the equity in this place may be only way forward. We have a queue of buyers, and it isn't even on the market! Very envious of the trip to Edingburgh too, love Scotland.
Beth,    for tomorrow. It just has to be good news hun.
Cow eyes, pupo princess, thinking of you   
HBK, Brumbar, LTW, Jess, Wobs, Waikiki, Lil one, Pink Pixie, Kitten 77 and everyone else who's reading  .
not much to report here, still on sofa, bored rigid cos I'm not a tennis fan. Did get out at the weekend, took godchildren to see the torch go past, at silly o'clock in the morning, cos DH was manning a refreshment stall in the park, as part of the community celebration.
Lots of love peeps xx


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## JBox

Beth - how r u hon? Was so upset to read but am hoping that ur little fighter is getting stronger...
Kitten how the devil r u Look at what u started here!
Everyone else I know u don't know me but I am an avid reader of this thread - this thread kept me going thro my darkest moments. U r all such brave women - hang in there.
Anyone hear from nordikat?
Xxxx


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## bethholm

Jbox- wonderful as ever to hear from you.Sorry,I haven't heard from Nordicat,but I do think of her too.

AFM- scan today and convinced that I will have lost the last triplet.I always miscarry between weeks 8-9 and my last scan was at 8 weeks and today I'm 10+ 1.Felt physically ill most of yesterday as I was so worried.Wide awake just after 5am today too.Won't have anything to eat or drink this morning in case it's a hat trick for an ERPC (3rd this year and probably 5 miscarriages also in year with 4 of those after heartbeats).Not got much hope.

B x


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## coweyes

Beth best of luck for today, really really hope it goes well. Xx


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## seemedlike4eva

Just logged on to check on Beth, everything crossed xxx
BBL


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## waikiki

Thinking of you today Beth


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## Jess81

really hope all goes well for you Beth xxx


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## bethholm

Thanks ladies.All well but so early days and I know sadly that things can go bottoms up.

B x


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## seemedlike4eva

Beth, hallelujah! I know it's early days, but you have passed your first hurdle.   
JBox, lovely to see you, and to know you still keep an eye on us   
Hope evryone manages to have a reasonable weekend, I'm going to attempt a shift at work tomorrow - just so fed up of 4 walls, and I'm sitting down there, no stairs to negotiate, should be OK 
xx


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## coweyes

Beth 


Yes i know things can change, but today in the hear and now that's great news. xx


Seemslike4eva


What do you do for a living? good luck with your shift


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## Lucky Brumbar

Beth, one step at a time... Really glad today went well.... !!!!
X


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## Jess81

Beth, thats ace news hunni. just take 1 day at a time and u will be fine. 

xx


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## seemedlike4eva

Hiya Coweyes,
My living? Not a lot  . I get an occupational pension on medical grounds, I used to be a nurse, so that's my income, I do a 1 or 2 days a week on a voluntary basis at a Christian community outreach project. We have a small charity shop, and act as a resource centre for those in need, with links to other projects such as the Foodbank, Asylum Seekers Support, Street Girls rehab... Before this problem with my knee, we had tried to launch a ladies-only 'pop-up' teashop. That's had to go on hold for now, until I'm better, and Ramadam is over.
Hope nobody has been flooded out this week. 
A friend has sent me a lovely bottle of fruit cider, haven't drunk for over a month now. Alcohol + my current painkillers will = me in lala land. Now that's quite a nice idea.


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## Jess81

Hello, 
i'm hoping one of you lovely ladies will be able to help me. I finally got out of the clinic what my thyriod antibody level is and it came back at 185 she said it's within the normal range but is on the higher side. 

does anyone know what the normal range is i've naughtly googled it but can't find it lol xxx


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## Shellebell

The thyroid chatter/info threads are part of the immunes board hun here http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=52.0


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## coweyes

I Am sorry but I dOne know any thing about thyroid levels, that's about the only problem I don't have !

Well I have some news and I  am hoping no body will be upset if I share it! I got a bfp on Sunday, I know it's early days but I am still delighted.  As most of u know our treatment was pgd so this feels like such a miracle.

I would like to continue being a part of this thread, but have no intention of going on about my own situation.  This thread is so heartfelt that I would like to continue to try and give support to others. Xxx


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## seemedlike4eva

woohoo, Coweyes! That's fabulous, and hope all goes smoothly from now on xxxx


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## coweyes

Thank you Seemslikeforever. How are u? Hope you are well. Xx


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## Jess81

coweyes, 
thats amazing news hunni!! big congrats for u! xxx


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## pinkpixie

coweyes thats wonderful news have been wondering how you were getting on


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## bethholm

Coweyes-thrilled for you!

B x


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## billabong

Just bookmarking!

I do try and keep up, some of you may remember me?
Sorry for the newbies on here but its a great thread with some of the strongest women you will ever know.   xxx


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## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies
Huge congrats Cow eyes - so pleased for you   
Jess - sorry, don't know about the thyroid levels, but looks like other ladies have pointed you in the right direction
Beth - good news,   
Waiting - our move took over a year   , but we were let down a couple of times.  I felt it was the right thing to do and now it's just onwards and upwards, my heart just wasn't there any more, and i'm glad we made the move......not finished unpacking yet   . My Mum would like us all in the same house like the Waltons, but would lead to someone being held at her majesty's pleasure......maybe me.....  .  How are you doing today?  
SL4E - that's pretty good work to have a line of buyers ready....any decisions?   
AFM new house is still not unpacked, am sorry i am a bit absent, the days are flying by.....i had a call from my gp to say the bloods that were taken (for immunes) have to be repeated at the hospital - no results back, but i think they need to be taken in a special way/ special person or something......next Monday is the hystero - which has now also turned into a laparoscopy - did i tell you that? i'm loosing the plot a bit    anyway, should have some more time next week to keep up to date with everyone.
Lil' one


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## longtimewaiting

Congratulations coweyes and Beth - brilliant news for you both. Look after yourselves xxx

Love to everyone xxx


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## coweyes

Thank you everyone, really appreciate it. xxxx


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## seemedlike4eva

Good evening everyone!
Billabong, it's signatures like yours that keep me thinking maybe, just maybe....
Lil'One, I'm surprised you've found time to breathe! I do hope the lap goes OK, and you manage to get the immune bloods sorted, I know some of them have to be taken in very specific bottles. Going to wait to see how my knee goes before we do anything about the house, and hopefully another treatment cycle. We've worked quite hard on the place & I'd like to enjoy it for a bit.
Beth, think of you often.
Coweyes, do you have a first scan date yet?
LTW, hello hun, nice to see you.
Not much to report here.
 everyone x


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## longtimewaiting

Hi everyone – quick catch up from me, keeping a little FF distance for the moment in an attempt to stay sane, usual head in the sand trick! Started steroids and supplements for immunes and getting meds sorted for Sept cycle.

Coweyes – sooooooo pleased you finally got the right tx and it’s just what you needed  . Huge congratulations. Keep us posted on how you get on.  

Welcome Waitingx – so sorry about your BFN  . Never gets any easier, a horribly sad time for you. 

Hi Brumbar – we may be in Athens at the same time, it’s our first tx with Penny in Sept – I’m terrified!

Hi Waikiki – how are you feeling? Thinking of you  

Hi Lil one – hope you’re settling into your new house ok and good luck with your karyotyping results and your laparoscopy and hystero. 

Hi Jess – hope you’ve made some sense of you thyroid results. 

Hi to everyone reading – especially Hbkmorris, Beth, SL4E, Pinkpixie, Kitten, Jess, wobs, Jbox, billabong, Kitten77.

Off on holiday tomorrow to friends in Kent and then on to Bruges on Eurostar x x x


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## Rach76

Hi all, Was wondering if i could join this thread? Just got my fourth BFN so am really low at the moment. been told i have to have hysto as they think there is something wrong with my womb. My head is all of a spin - its the first time i have been told i may never be able to carry a baby. So don't really know what to think. Have read all the stories on this thread and was hoping i may be able to find support from others going through the same sort of things as me. 

Rach x


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## lil&#039; one

Welcome rach  
You are in the right place for support here.
We have had some similar experiences looking at your signature.
I am having hystero and lap on Monday, I am hoping that to find something is good so they can fix it,
Lil' one


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## seemedlike4eva

Welcome Rach,    and sorry to hear your news. Let's hope that you can get a hysto sorted soon, so at least you will know about your womb environment x
LTW, happy holidays, and munch some gorgeous Belgian chocolate for me x


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## Rach76

Thanks for the welcome guys. Looking forwards to chatting to you all.

lil' one - good luck with the hystero and lap on monday!


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## puss2cats

Hi everyone. Mind if I join?
Just had 5th BFN and am an emotional wreck. Just want to curl up and cry. Having glass of wine (after 6 dry months feel tipsy already) isn't helping.
Would be so much easier if I could go to sleep and wake up say in 8/9 months after my cousin had delivered and the pain may have subsided.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello puss2cats,
here's   for you. Yep, it hurts like hell, but we're here for you. I remember being pregnant at the same time as my cousin, my daughter died at birth, hers is now at uni. The reminder will always be there, but the pain does get easier with time. Feel for you on that one. I've taken consolation in a glass of wine, and a cup of decent coffee after my BFNs, just to make myself feel 'normal' again.
The fertiles have been at it again round here, another pg announcement with scan pic on  **.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Just a quick    to everyone,
and Lil One hope you're not too sore, and that inside is all OK.
see you soon, hope everyone is OK xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

I am back at home in bed watching morning telly  

Yesterday went ok, they drained a small cyst during lap and removed some scar tissue, which was mimicking septum, during hystero...they think this was caused by ectopic.

So good news that they found something, I am quite sore, but now need to concentrate on getting back on my feet for August cycle.  Feel pleased to maybe have a reason for failed cycles  

How are you all doing out there?  Thanks for your good wishes,

Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hey Lil One,
swift recovery wishes coming your way - glad they were able to do something useful for you, to help with next cycle.
Saw my ortho consultant today, going nowhere fast...got to have intensive physio & see him in 8 weeks, to assess progress. Outcome still uncertain... may never completely recover. Had to listen to hubby ranting about suing him to ensure plenty of £££ in the treatment pot. Not keen on that idea, just really p'd off that its going to be at least 3 months before I cycle.
On the bright side, my latest batch of chick-lit has arrived from Amazon, so I can lounge around with a nice bit of escapism, baby-free escapism at that. And no, I haven't ordered 50 shades of grey


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Aah ladies ! 
Seemslike, Hope you recover v quickly hun! 
Congrats for the BFP cowseyes! Really chuffed for you! 
Puss2cats, hugs chick..  Believe me i know what it feels like! Allow time to grieve and regroup! Xxx
Longtime, it would be great to catch up in Athens! Please feel free to ask any questions! 
Beth, how are you chick? 
Rach, so sorry you had to join...  
Lil One.... Uterus repair sounds perfect! It can only do good! I moved house an year ago and half of the stuff is still in boxes as have no money to buy any furniture . All my money goes for ivf and pauing off debt! 6 goes isnt cheap! And We moved from a 1 bed flat to a 4 bed house .... I have no waldrobes just a rail for clothes and the rest is in boxes and suitcaises! 

Afm , AF was late this month so it is all up in the air once again as i might need to move hysto by a week but to do that i need my next two cycles to be by at least 1 day longer than usual or one of them to be the same as this one! 
So CD 2 today, another 2 cycles to go b4 hysto and then Penny and i will do a scan to decide if we'll start the month after or in November!  
Looked at my siggy today and it looks like one of the worst out there .... 6 straight BFNs ... Didnt feel That great! 
Oh well onwards and upwards
Xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello Brumbar   . AF for me this month came spot on 28 days- Just cos I didn't actually need   to behave. Typical. It's such a nightmare isn't it, trying to time things, and especially if you're waiting to do a hysto, taking pills to regulate it might affect your lining then you wouldn't get an accurate result. Even worse if you have to book annual leave & stuff. 6 attempts so far, well done for having the guts to keep going, there are success stories on here with that kind of track record.    
Rach & Puss2cats, are you doing OK? Talk to us about anything, we don't mind.
Waikiki,    for you.
Beth & Coweyes, hoping everything ticking nicely for you both in these early weeks.
HBK, are you cycling again this summer? Hope you're OK babe.
Lil One hope the soreness is easing, and you're having some pamper time.
LTW, hoping it's a good holiday.
Wobs, just 1 more sleep til you break up?
Well, I've chained myself to the stove today, made some feta cheese & cherry tomato tartlets and 1st attempt at a giant cupcake. That was trickier than I thought, amazing how many mistakes a tub of frosting & some smarties can cover up    Got a small evening function to attend, may even have a glass of wine. *Cheers* everyone! xxx


----------



## coweyes

O no just spent ages doing personal only for something to go wrong and it got deleted.


Seemslike4eva


I love baking but i am seriously bad at it.  I spend ages getting all the correct ingr  and obsessing over the instructions, only to bake it and end up putting it in the recycle bin   .  Last week it was a strawberry cheesecake, i sometimes bake Victoria sponges, that dont rise so they form the base of a trifle!!  I hate face book i think its really pretentious, i used to feel so wound up by peoples thoughtless comments, and could not rationalise that it was a general comment and not one that was personal to me, that in the end i de activated my account.  It was one of the best things i did.


Semslike4eva, brumbar


Thank you for asking after me, i know how difficult it is.  Tbh there is nothing to say, i still have 2 weeks till my 8 week scan, and to say i am scared is an under statement!  It will really help that i am going back to work next week, i have been off for 6 weeks now, mainly due to the fact that i needed treatment in London due to needing pgd.  There was no way that i could do it both.  Also with pgd, your embryoes get biopsied and that can really reduce down the numbers, thats if there is any healthy embryoes found.  I felt like i could not really cope with that on top of the stress of thinking this was going to be our last go.  Having time off has been brilliant, the best thing i have done this cycle, but time to get back to work and the real world.


----------



## Jess81

Coweyes, 
i have a fab sponge recipie and it can't go wrong!! so here it is.....
Weigh ur egg with the shell on (eg 65g)
butter/stork/marg (same as egg eg 65g)
sugar (same as egg)
beat these together until light and fluffy
beat the egg and add a little at a time to the above mix. 
Flour (same as egg + 10g eg 75g) 
add all the flour in and fold in gently. add 1tablespoon of water and a splash of vanilla essence. 
this will make 6 cupcakes or a small sponge cake.
I use this all the time and it's never failed me yet!! Good luck hun. 
Jess xxx


----------



## coweyes

Thank I for that, I will give it a go and let u know how it turns out. Xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, Hoping everyone is ok. Seemslike4eva - thanks for asking after me. I've had the week from hell. Hoping you all don't mind me sharing....... so here goes.... 

Well it started with my 4th BFN last thursday which was just horrid in itself. Then last friday saw DR and she said i needed to have hysto as she thinks i have ashamans syndrome. The thing that gets me is she talked a lot about how i will never be able to have children if there is something wrong with my uterus. So wasn't a very possitive meeting with a lot of talk about surragacy being the only way forwards for us. This was pretty shocking news as every other time IVF has failed I have been told 'we just need to sort a few thing and you will get pregnant' so have gone from this to ' you may never have children'! and i just can't get my head around it all really. So emotions are all over the place. Can't stop crying. To make it worse when back to work monday and dealt with the 'questions' from everyone which i could have done without. Only good thing is i'm a teacher so have broken up today for 6 weeks which is a bonus.  

Then went to see Gyno thursday night about hysto - which all went fine. But  costs as much as ivf for the treatment cos have gone privately to get in quickly. So i get told i may have to have more than one which again is more money and there is no garrentees it is going to work. Anyway hysto booked in for 31st July. but am so scared to have it done as am dreading the doctor saying my womb is screwed. So after going for test after test for infertility over the last 6 yrs and them not being able to find anything wrong with me i seem to have come to what seems the end of the line in the space of one week. So to say i'm having a head screw is an understatement. Any thoughts on my situation to help me feel a little bit better than i am at the moment would be greatly appreciated. 

Rach x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies  

Cow eyes - how did the recipe go ? I don't often bake as I have very little will power and would be munching non-stop, I do enjoy baking for guests when we have them, though   I have been thinking of deactivating my ********, as it winds me up too, but there are people I would miss, I have travelled a lot and am not as close in distance to some people as I would llike and ** is an easy way of keeping up to date, maybe i could just de friend a few people..... 


Brumbar - the hassle of moving dates of things is just a nightmare, isn't it? I usually try to book annual leave well in advance, and have had to move things too, I try not to tell anyone what we're doing so it's the amazing-banana-man-style double life I struggle with....hope you got things sorted/ planned  

Rach - I really feel for you as we are in a similar position, as you know I had my hystero this week, they did find some adhesions, also known as asherman's syndrome, which they have now removed.  There are things they can do once they know what they are dealing with, it sounds to me like the dr you saw could improve their personal skills a bit, you do come across that even in tthis environment which is a shame.   Don't lose hope, I look on it as a good thing that there is something they can address.  

Afm feeling much better since Monday - thanks for your good wishes, ladies  .  Spoke with the clinic this week and plan to cycle again in a few weeks, all being well, so on wards and upwards...you've got to  

Hope you're all ok out there, ladies

Lil' one


----------



## coweyes

Rach76


I am so so sorry i really am what a blow   .


I dont have any real advise except the knowledge of how i felt when i found out i had a chromazone problem after 3 bfn, (one being a miscarriage).  I dont know if telling you my story will help?


We started trying for a baby in 2006, we had 2 rounds of icsi and one fet on the nhs, we were always told, it will happen your young, but obviously it didn't! We then moved clinics and hoped to egg share to keep the costs down, as part of their standard tests they check your chromazones.  I never and i mean never gave it another thought, i just had my blood taken and was happy to be told that we could have one go at egg sharing, (depending on the blood tests, but no one had any concerns).  


My consultant called several weeks later and told me that i have a balanced translocation and that it was very bad news, that the only treatment that would help me was pgd and that it cost £9,000 a go   .  My treatment so far had been pointless! and once more the implications of having a chromazine problem means that i could have a child with server unknown difficulties, or miscarried at any point through my pregnancy. 


To cut a very very long story short, i was heart broken beyond believe, i did not have a clue what to do, i have had this issue since conception and i know nothing about it, honestly it messed my head up.


We debated leaving treatment, but in the end went forward in the hope that we would give pgd one go, just so we could say we had tried.  After all the terrible news, we got our break, ever since we found this news out and moved forward with that knowledge its been amazing.  We received pct funding for one round (we were told by Guys Hosp that we would not get it, as we have received funding before) but we did!!! We then had treatment at Guys, and i am now pregnant with 2 frozen ones   .  If i had some way of showing how much of a miracle this is, it still would not show how completely gob smacked i am.  


It is very early days but i wanted to share my story with you as i do believe knowledge is power!  Say if they find out you have this condition, yes your be devastated but you also now know your options and it may just be the lack of this knowledge which is stopping you from reaching your goal.  If you go down the surrogacy route, it may be the right route, you just dont know    xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Rach76

Lil'one - Thank you for your reply. I feel a little more hopeful now. Really glad your hystero went well. Do you feel ok now? How long did it take for you to be back to doing normal everyday things? What can they do for me if I do have it? coz to be honest they haven't really told me much - just said they will go in there and cut out anything thats not meant to be there. Sorry about so many questions.... Wow you are cycling again quite quickly after your operation which seems a good thing to me. Wasn't sure if you had to wait a period of time but it seems you can do it soon after the hystero. 

Coweyes - Wow your story is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing it with me. It made me cry happy tears (am an emotion wreak at the moment) Am so so pleased for you. Miricles can really happen maybe there is hope for me yet.

Thank you so much ladies for your kind words. You have made me realise there is still some fight left in me to continue my journey to fulfil my dream of having my own family.  Sending best wishes to all of you x


----------



## bethholm

Rach - didn't want to read and run but wanted to say that although you have your hysto booked in the UK,I would
seriously (can't stress that enough!) suggest you have it done in Athens via Peny at Serum.Athens is reknowned to be top of the field in hystos and many many women have had the all clear with hystos in the UK only to have it done in Athens and they have found something wrong.Many people I know have got their BFP after a hysto in Athens.Please let me know if you need any further info on this.I also want to stress that it is not a problem having a hysto abroad and it's nothing to worry about.I got a BFP,like many women  after an Athens hysto and I was always told that everything was ok with my uterus (albeit it wasn't a hysto in the UK) and Athens found a few probs which meant I'd always MC or have failed implantation. If you are going down the hysto route,go for the best option.

Woo hoo- school holidays (I am a teacher too!) Sleeeeeeeep! Zzz zzz...

B x


----------



## Rach76

Hi Bethholm thank you for the advance. do you think you can e mail me deatils as i would really like to look into it.  Congrates on your BFP thats great news. Many Thanks Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Good afternoon,
Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine! have you taken a picture in case it goes AWOL again?   
Rach, that was one big blow for your gynae to whack you with. No wonder you feel shell-shocked. From your sig, Asherman's wouldn't have sprung to my mind ( ex- gynae nurse), as it's more commonly associated with recurrent ERPCs after miscarriage, I do hope the hysto is beneficial, whichever clinic you opt for.
Jess, your sponge recipe is similar to mine, but I've never weighed the eggs.....I'm going to try that, it makes sense as they do vary so much. This week's culinary challenge is try a microwave meringue, I've never made one, not even in a conventional oven. 
hiya Beth, chance at last for you to sit with your feet up?
Brumbar, we have a 4 bed house, and hubby want s to move somewhere smaller. This place is so cluttered it'd be a nightmare, but hey it would solve your furniture problems cos we have loads!
Coweyes,    rooting for you that it's all OK when you have your scan.
Lil One, a fellow 'double-lifer', are you running out of excuses? I think on my next cycle we'll have to pretend that ma-in-law is ill, and I've gone to look after her. More than 2 shopping trips to Prague is a bit suss methinks.
  love to all the gang, bye for now xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

SL4E, can i pick your brains?.............
I have been over-googling since my surgery and am now worried the adhesions will have grown back before the next cycle?
Does adhesions always = ashemans and could they have just removed it and it will be fine now (that's what they told us).
The ma-in-law one is a good one.....must remember that....  
Thanks
Lil' one


----------



## waikiki

I'm another double lifer - the bananaman reference made me chuckle, although I prefer to think of myself of as my childhood hero Wonderwoman!    I'm not very good at it though as I forget my alibis - on my first visit to Athens I told everyone at work that I was going to visit my grandfather in Scotland for a few days.  A few weeks after I got back I was talking to my colleague about my family and happened to say that I really must go and see my grandpa in Scotland, as it was ages since I'd seen him.  She looked at me as if I was mental and explained very slowly that I had seen him only a few weeks earlier - D'oh!! 

Rach - I agree with Beth, definitely go and see Penny at Serum for you hysto if you can.  I had a hysto at the Lister in London about 4 years ago and was told everything was fine.  When I had my hysto with Penny earlier this year she found signs of infection (prob. caused by hidden C) and some scar tissue.

I have my follow up call with Penny tonight (I have put it off for a month since my last BFN).  Not sure that I'm really ready for it now, but I know that the clinic closes for the summer soon and wanted to speak to her while my case is still reasonably fresh in her mind.  Not sure what suggestions she will have for me this time though after 9 BFNs.  

All you teachers, enjoy the sunshine for the rest of us stuck in offices!  

waikiki


----------



## waikiki

Oooh, just remembered that I meant to mention something else in my earlier post!  For those of you suffering from fertiles' ** posts at the moment, it is possible to remove updates from certain friends from your newsfeed.  I have to use ** every day because I work in marketing, so deactivating my account isn't an option, so I just remove friends who are either pg or have just had kids from my feed so that I am not bombarded with scans and baby pictures.  To do this select the friend's name and then click on the 'Friends' button (top right corner above the advertising) and a drop-down list should appear.  The 'Show in News Feed' option will probabaly have a tick mark next to it - if you click it, the tick goes away and you will no longer see their status updates, photos etc.

I'm sorry that this doesn't protect you from the out-of-the-blue 'happy' announcements that people love to spring on us, but at least once the bombshell has been dropped you won't have to deal with the following 20-30 weeks of pg updates.

Hope this helps.  

waikiki x


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, hope everyone is good on this very sunny day! Yay! 

Waikiki - Thanks for the information about Penny at Serum. Hope your phone call all goes well for you. Do you know when they close for the summer and when they reopen again?

Thanks for the tip on ** as well. Was in a right state yesterday when i found out via a friends post through ** that my ex husband who left me and ran off with a 21 year old 4 years ago has just had a baby girl with some woman who he knocked up, who is not with now but has access rights over the baby. God it just doesn't seem fair at all. That poor child has been brought into the world as a mistake to a mum and dad that aren't even together and there is me and my DP who would love to offer a child of our own everything. My ex is a really nasty person too which also is not fair as i think evil men like that should have their fathering right taken away from them. So that was another massive blow after the horrid week I've had. Sometimes I think I must have been a really evil person in a former life to be dealt all the things i have been through. Anyway - Rant over. Thanks for listening.  And i do know there are many more people out there going through the same things as me or even worse. I just don't get how some people get everything when they are really not very nice people and other who have been saints all their life get hell. 

Rach x


----------



## Jess81

Hi Ladies, 
just a quickie from me... my cons has agreed to give me thyroxine.... i'm hoping this could be the issue and when we do our next cycle it might work! we shall see... i already feel more positive about it. 

** or Smugbook as we like to call it is very annoying.... especially as i went through a phase of getting my babys develpment things come through! i soon worked out how to delete those and i just hope i'm not going to be one of those.  

big hugs to all.

jess xx


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## bethholm

Rach- will PM you details re hysto this evening- sorry for the delay!Serum shuts for the entire month of August so Peny who works a 24hr day 7 days a week can sleep!

B x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hey ladies! 
So glad sun is out!  
Just wanted to add for Rach that even in August when Serum is closed you can still do hysto,  BUT Penny wont be there to go over the DVD so for those reasons only i would delay! 
My hystos in the UK have all been OK, the serum one showed signs of infection that hasnt been cured completely ( not much but still there!)  and the dr. also removed my arcuate septum... Bad news is they now think i have developed scarring as part of the healing process so i have to go again! 

So ... 2 more AFs and it will be my turn for hysto and why not a sucessful ivf cycle!  I dont know if i should  dare to even think about pregnancy  after so many BFNs but i at least i can hope .... 

Love to all!
B


----------



## bethholm

Rach- I would agree with Brumbar- I'd go when Peny was there to go through the DVD with you plus you could also get a free consultation with her whilst you are out there (why not,it's free and you have nothing to lose plus she deals with LOTS of complex IVF cases.) Will PM you later this evening.

B x


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, Just wanted to say thanks bethholm and brumbar for all your advice. The best thing i have done is join this thread i've had more help and infor from you peops on here than i have in the last five years! So a big thank you to you ladies. Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

lil One, get away from dr Google! Adhesions don't always mean ashermans, and I'd trust the docs opinion, apart from the ectopic, there's been no trauma in that area, so no real risk factors for adhesions to recur.


Hi Waikiki, lovely to have you posting, and hope you had a positive consult with Penny tonight.
Beth, are you having your 12 week scan this week?
Rach,    what horrid news about your ex. Life just sucks at times.
Jess, hope the thyroxine does the trick for you on next cycle.
Brumbar, never stop hoping   


I'm in a dilemma... DH's cousins's son is having a 21st birthday on friday, and it clashes with the opening ceremony of the olympics. I'm all for stopping in front of the TV, we're supposed to be taking MIL to the  party, and she refuses to budge on that, you all know what these family parties are like everyone comparing how much their kids have grown, and we're the barren freaks in the corner. We've also got to have MIL & niece overnight. I adore my niece but when MIL, her granny is around, she's superbrat cos MIL really mithers her. That's my rant for the day, not huge in the scheme of things. Of course if the party was full of my FF friends, I'd be only be too happy to drool over scan pics, rub bumps, cuddle babies. Double life AND double standards


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi everyone – had a quick read now I’m back from my hols and loved the banana man reference! Glad to see everyone is moving forward on their IF journey.

I feel like I’ve been away for ages – we packed in 3 different places, friends and family and it felt like a month away rather than a week and a half! It was lovely but I’m glad to be home! Need to catch up on my sleep!

Rach – I’m another one who has recently switched to Serum in Athens and had a hysto there last month. You could not find a more kind and helpful person than Penny – thoroughly recommend her. Please pm me if you want to ask any questions.

SL4E – love the double life and double standards! Sounds like you’re gonna find it very difficult to get out of the party on Friday – I wish you luck in keeping up the childless and happy pretense. Very wearing!

Love to everyone x x x


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## Nordickat

Just had a super quick scan through and had to come and say congrats to Beth and Coweyes ........ about bloomin' time too   Stick tight babies.

And congrats Billabong - I see your little man made it into the world safe and sound.

Sorry to see so many new names on here   . Keep on fighting and I hope you all get there one day. These lovely ladies will look after you all the way I can promise you.

 Wobs and Waikiki

I do think of you often even if I don't have the strength to come back and see you.
Take care of each other, 
Katxx


----------



## coweyes

Thank you Nordickat


Hope life has started to treat you slightly better   . xx


----------



## bethholm

Kat - wonderful to hear from you.You are never far from my thoughts.

B xxxxxx


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## julesbfd

Afternoon

My second bfn today and again before otd which wasn't untill Monday, today I am 15po, I know it is af and have done a test and negative.
Once it hits me, I will take some time to deal with my feelings but at the moment, I want to have a plan.
I am currently at Leeds but def want to move.  
I don't know where to start on looking at where I would do my third and final treatment.
I have read something about Care at Sheffield being good, anyone know this and are they good at treating 40 year olds.
Lot's of people talk about Serum which I think in Athens.  I still want to use my OE, do they specialise more in DE, I am doing it as a single lady but have my sperm already in the freezer.
I certainly cannot afford the clinic in London that us around 13k.
I would like any odvice, info re which clinics to look at, here or abroad, greece, spain etc.

Any help, much appreciated.

Thanks
Jules


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## bethholm

Jules- I'd definitely go to Serum.If you look at the Serum thread (under Greece clinics) you will see 'Agate's guide to Serum' and all the info is there.I've been to 3 clinics and couldn't rate Serum enough.Peny is truely wonderful and dedicates her life to giving people hope.PM me if you need any more advice. You'd also get 2 cycles for the price of 1 UK one and she does deal with lots of women over 40 who have had many cycles and have many underlying problems too.

B x


----------



## Jess81

Hi Jules, 
I had a very similar experience with my first 2 tx. If i were you i would def push for assisted hatching and ask for the  Gestone (progesterone) injection instead of the pesery or gel i found that worked well and i at least got to OTD without the bleed, i know it's not the result we want BFN at OTD but for me it was about even getting there then i would worry about the result after. 

can't give advice on serum, i only know what the girls have said here. i will look into it if the next 2 FET don't work here! 

Jess xx


----------



## wobs

Kat   hellooooeeee hope you're doing ok.  Often think you   

Hi everyone else
AFM I've left my job   and now need to think of something else to do to earn a few pennies!! Slightly scary (well actually very) but exciting as well - well if I could get over the scared about being penniless bit!!!    Hasn't sunk in yet as on summer hols (teacher)....

take care all
Wobs


----------



## Michimoo

Hi Ladies,

I posted this as a thread on its own & have had no responses which is making me slightly upset as I feel like I am actually the only one this is happening to. 
So I thought I'd post on here too to see if any of you have heard of the same thing with failed cycles?

I've had 2 failed ICSI attempts & my embryos only ever reach a max of 6-cell on day 3. I only get a small amount of eggs. Ive never had an 8-cell & therefore nothing left to freeze so every time it has to be a fresh cycle.

As a last resort I've just had an appt with ARGC  this week who implied they see women with my situation.
I also sent my bloods off to Serum & just got the results back to confirm I didn't have hidden C.

We can't really afford ARGC but are going to take out a loan to go there. (hopefully)!

DE was suggested at my last failed consultation which was a HUGE shock to say the least as it was only the second attempt. I'm not ready to go down that route yet & give up on my own eggies.

I've never seen 2 lines on a pee stick in my life & would cherish the day.

Thanks for listening. I'm feeling quite alone.  

Much love,
M
Xx


----------



## Jess81

Hi Michimoo
i'm sorry you are having to go through all this. I unfortunatly can't help. I'm sure some of the other ladies on here will be able to. I have too looked into ARGC and hear he is very good at what he does and has fantastic results.

Hopefully you will have some good news soon

Big hugs 

xx


----------



## coweyes

Hi michimoo

So sorry to hear what a rough time u have been having.  I don't know about the small amount of eggs u have but regarding only getting to 6 cells, have u ever had chromazone testing? I am not certain if this would effect how many cells they can get to or not, but I would think it does? I have a chromazone Problem but do make it to 8 cells, but there r so many different chromazone problems out there. It's just a thought pm me if u want more info. Xx


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## seemedlike4eva

Kat   , lovely to see you, sending   
A huge welcome to Jules and Michmoo, sorry you're here. I've jumped straight to DE, so no experience of OEIVF, but I've never seen the 2nd  line on that darn peestick either -in fact next time I may just go straight for the blood test cos I don't think I could face another single line.
Wobs, well done for taking that leap, enjoy the break, and hope you find something else soon.
LTW, glad you had a good time away even if it was tiring.
Sending my love to everyone, got to get ready for this flippin party when everyone else with any sense and national spirit will be watching the olympics!!!!!!


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## longtimewaiting

Hello Everyone 

Lovely to hear from you Kat  think of you loads and hope youre doing ok x x x x 

Welcome to Jules and Michimoo  so sorry you find yourselves here    

Jules  Im doing OE at Serum. I looked at the top London 3 for success stats (ARGC, CRGH and Lister) and then found Serum offer very similar treatments (particularly thinking of level of monitoring and immunes), they are much cheaper and Penny there is the most kind and helpful person ever. I would recommend speaking to her  you can do this for free and get a feel for what she thinks. Regarding other things to try  Agate has a thread about learning from past tx which I found really useful. I cant find it now  does anyone know where it is? There was a link to it from this thread (I think on Part 3).

Michimoo  same as above. Im not sure how significant the number of cells is but Ive experienced a wide range of egg numbers from 3 (and only one fertilized) to 17  and Im the same age as you. Ive been told its just one of those things at my age  Im unpredictable! Seems young to go for donor after only 2 tries so I would certainly advise a second opinion. I've frozen embryos that are less than 8 cells and even had a pregancy from one 4 cell grade 3 frostie. 

Wobs  wow, giving up teaching! A big decision  enjoy the holidays before looking for something new.

SL4E  hope the party is ok x x x x

Beth  lovely to see you today and soooooo pleased everything is going well x x x x 

Hello Jess, Coweyes and anyone else reading too x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies  

Jules and michimoo - welcome, sorry you find yourselves here, but hopefully you will get the support you need.
I can't comment on argc or serum, although I have heard good thongs about both, we are at create and getting good result so far....the embies just won't stick....hopefully this time 

Wobs - what a big decision, great, what are you doing next?

The olympics are brightening me up a llittle bit....although I did have to do a family party today, people didn't really talk to us...there was a baby around after all    we're ok looking after ourselves, just as well

Hope you are enjoying the festivities, ladies, and you're all ok?

Lil one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Just dropping in to see how everyone's doing...
Loved the opening ceremony, even though we had to watch most of it on playback this morning.
Had fun getting ready for the party, had some girly time with my neice, painting nails, and pinching clothes (mine, purloined by her). Things went a bit 'ouch' when we arrived to see a newborn being paraded round by its teenage mother, but I was soon anaesthatised with copious amounts of wine.
Aargh - battery about to die on laptop - nite all xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Found that useful thread 'Agate's guide to learning from your failed IVF cycle' http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=283000.0


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Hope everyone is ok. 

I'm having a hysteroscopy tomorrow and am really scared. So worried they are going to find too much scaring and adhesions. Also worried they are going to make things worse by cutting too deeply and causing more scaring etc.... panicing like mad. Not sure how much i trust doctors/surgeons. My granddad died in hospital due to a doctors miss diagnosis. Anyone got any reassuring words? 

Rach x


----------



## bethholm

Rach- please try not to worry sweetheart.I've never heard of any problems with a hysto.Try to focus on it being a step forward in finding out why IVF hasn't worked so far.

Thinking of you tomorrow.

B x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Good luck tomorrow Rach - I had a hysto last month and was very nervous but it was all very straightforward and it's good to find problems that can be resolved so you can move forward. Let us know how you get on x x x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach,
Hope that all went well for you today hun, and that maybe you have some answers and solutions x


----------



## Rach76

Thanks for the messages everyone! Just got home. Had operation at 4 and had to get out of there as soon as possible. 2 adhersions found and removed. Can't stop eating now and still very fussy due to the drugs! think i quite like this feeling tho, am so spaced out. First time i have been this chilled and relaxed in the last week. Time to sleep now. Thanks again for all your support. x


----------



## bethholm

Glad it went well and they found something!!!!

B x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hey ladies! Hope you are well... Sorry as usual i'm on my phone so cant post much...


Rach! Yay for the hysto! Onwards and upwards!

Looked at my pee sticks from my june cycle ( yes i know i shouldnt do that!).  The one from 13 dpo had a line , but i knew that AND so did the one from 14dpo - i initially though that it didnt! Now i cant stop thinking that something implanted late or started to implant and i stopped it by stopping the meds! Af arrived 5 days after last progesterone and it usually only takes 2!  I did have an HCG rescue shot of 1500iu at 9 dpo... but it should've been out by then... 
Oh my, why did i look...


----------



## bethholm

Brumbar- I'm not definite but I think that a line can appear as a false positive quite a while after testing. The only reason I remember this is that when I test at some stupid o'clock l,I once considered going back to sleep and checking it.I'm sure the instructions said not to look at the test after 10 mins as an 'evaporation line' can occur after this time which looks like a positive and sadly isn't. I remember googling evaporation lines as I didn't originally see a line on the test but when I looked at it around 10 mins later,there was a faint line there.Your line on the POS will definitely be an evaporation line after all of this time so don't beat yourself up about it sweetheart.

B x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies  

Rach - that's good that they found something to sort, when are you cycling?  

Brumbar - defo sounds like evaporation line this lng after  . Stop beating yourself up  

How are you all doing?

Afm stitches are now out, so another step forward.  Should be starting meds next week, did the ringing around for prices and sainsburys and asda both do the meds for cost price which will save hundreds...every little helps  
Am going to ask about gestone this time too, as bleed early.

Feeling positive to have more of a blank canvas  

Enjoy the olympic everyone  

Lil one


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Aah thanks ladies... Never even had an evap before so i wouldn't know... It looks quite dark ( and pink!)  too the bloody thing! Lol 
Will try to get this out of my head!
Anyway time trials cycling today close to my house so will try to go and get a spot ! 

Lil one!!!!  Loving  the positivity!!!


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Brumbar-hope you did find a spot to watch the cycling, how exciting! AND it would have kept you away from the peesticks. Don't torture yourself babes. With 2 of my cycles, I have had neg bloods and AF has taken forever to show after I stopped the meds. 
Rach, I love the sleep after anaesthetic, best bit of the operation   , and they have done some treatment which will help next cycle, wonderful.
Lil One, starting again next month?      and stay positive hun.
  to the rest of the gang
Well I finally start my physio on Monday, hoping that'll give me a realistic idea of when I'll be mobile enough to travel    and how long I've got to shift the half stone I've put on being housebound & comfort eating....


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, Thanks for all your positive comments.

Been sleeping all day and have got very emotional. Anyone else get emotional after an anaesthetic?  Gotta see consultant in two weeks to have follow up appointment. He wants me to have another hysteroscopy in two months time to check no adhesions have reformed. Not sure when i am cycling again, gonna wait and see what he says at follow up appointment. He mentioned that he wants me to have oestrogen to help build up the thickness of the lining again after hystero as my lining has been very thin. When is the best time to start cycling again after hystero? Am abit confused with it all at the moment which is annoying me as i like to have a plan as to what to do next. I suppose i just need to wait until the follow up appointment.  

seemslike4eva - hoping the physio all goes well on monday.

Lil'one - bets of luck with the cycling. praying it all goes well for you.

Rach x


----------



## bethholm

Rach- perfectly normal to be emotional after anaesthetic so don't worry.Re hysto, usually it lasts around 6 months so you can cycle in this window.

Lil'one- good luck with your knee!!

Enjoying watching the Olympics,especially the rowing as I used to row for a club down here up to a few years ago and miss it like mad!Thrilled the ladies got a gold and a fellow Lancastrian,a gold for cycling too!

Love to all.

B x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Rach – pleased to hear it went well and you’re another step closer to the dream. I was told you have to wait until your second period after hysto to start tx. 

Hi Brumbar – glad to hear you’re being distracted from that pee stick by the cycling – did you get a good view?

Hi Lil’ one – good to hear your positivity  

Hope getting your drugs is easy. I’ve just got mine from Asda and they were a pain! I asked before if they would also supply all the other bits needed including needles, syringes, sharps bin and puregon pen and they said yes. When I went to collect they told me everything was in the bag – being an untrusting person I said I’d just check and guess what - no needles, no syringes, no sharps bin, no puregon let alone pen! Only when I suggested she check the fridge did I get my puregon! Anyway they are now sorting the other bits BUT they can’t supply the pen – how stupid is that – we’ll supply a drug but not the means to administer it!

Anyway – does anyone have a puregon pen they don’t need from late August that they could post to me? I’ll cover costs and can return it at the end of September. I stupidly threw all my IVF stuff out in one of those ‘I don’t want anything more to do with ivf’ moments.

Hi SL4E – hope the physio leads to a speedy recovery. 

Hi Beth – glad you’re enjoying the Olympics. Keep resting up in front of that TV!

Hello to anyone else reading x x x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach, 'post op blues' are very normal - to block the pain signals the anasthetic gives your brain an artificial 'high' while you're asleep, so as the drugs come out of your system your mood can fluctuate.
Thanks for the good wishes re physio, I would love to go on my 'special' holiday before winter sets in!


----------



## pinkpixie

Rachel they found I had a thin linning when I had my hysto and I was put on tablets I cycled about 3 mths qfter hysto..

Hi to everyone else it doesnt feel right posting but I am still reading
Xx
H


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## Rach76

Hi pinkpixie, 

what tablets did you go on when you had a thin lining and did it improve it lots? 

Rach x


----------



## pinkpixie

I was on progynova Care where happy with my linning not sure if that was what made a difference this time as also chnaged lots of other things.  I also found accupuncture helped with building my linning up.


----------



## Rach76

Thanks pinkpixie. Do you mind me asking what other things were changed? 

Rach x


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## Nordickat

Rach  - acupuncture, quercetin (in green tea, apples, grapes and red onion), omega3 and I think ginger too help your endo lining. As should baby aspirin.

Hello all   
Katxxx


----------



## pinkpixie

hi kat   hope u doing ok


rach i swapped to a clinic i liked and trusted, was on steroids clexane metformin baby asprin as well as the progynova.  Had done 3 mths with supplements and watching my diet and DH did the three mths with supplements and cutting down caffine etc (we still needed ICSI but he produced the best sample).  I was taking vit d, high strength fish oils, basic prenatal supplement.  DH was on zinc selenium pine bark extract and general supplement (i think).  Hope that helps


Beth glad to see everything still going ok
xx
h


----------



## pinkpixie

forgot i was on intralipids as well


----------



## Rach76

Thanks for the information pinkpixie.  I take steriods, clexane , baby asprin , progynova. I will ask about metformin and intrapids as well tho as i have high NK levels. I take the normal supplements and so does DP. Decided I am going to phone IVF clinic on monday and see what they say even though i don't have follow up with gyne consultant ( different clinic) until 23rd august, just incase i can be taking the oestrogen now to get things started. I figure there is no harm in asking. My thinking is the use of oestrogen tablets maybe able to help me improve my lining over the next two periods until i ttx in three period's tme. Any thoughts on this? 

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hi there!
Rach, my only question with starting the oestogen would be whether the thickness would be wasted with each AF? Unless of course it 'trained' your lining to thicken, with a kind of knock-on effect. Worth asking though, Selenium is supposed to be good for womb lining too, brazil nuts have lots - I happen to love the chocolate coated variety, or you can get capsules from Holland & Barratt. Last time they had the 1p sale I stocked up on ginger root, Omega 3 and selenium capsules!
Pinkpixie, you;re nearly there! Wonderful xxx
Kat, always lovely to see you dropping in.
Beth, you're still in my   , are you able to believe it;s real yet?
Wobs, LTW, Brumbar, Jess, Lil One, Waikiki hope all's well 
I'm home alone, DH has gone to Somerset in a minibus to collect a group of happy campers from  a  Church conference. We went last year, but with my knee i couldn't cope- it's a kind of 'Christian Glastonbury', so DH has done the transport run this time instead. Have been looking at a couple of days for us somewhere on the Costa Geriatrica, Eastborne, as it's nice & flat with plenty of disabled loos on the seafront


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Everyone – bad news, a twin pg announcement in the ‘normal’ world sent me slightly off the rails last week. My eyes were puffy for several days after crying my heart out. How can that be fair – she already has a little girl and a step son and coincidentally (one lot are identical the other non) her sister also has twins and they were baby 3 and 4 – these people are just greedy! One of each of those sets of twins could have been mine and everyone would be happy. 

How much do we have to go through whilst others are popping them out like peas two at a bl**dy time!

On a more positive note we’re getting there with our Athens plans. Only 3 and a half weeks ‘til we go – scary. 

Love to all the regulars x x x


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Hope everyone is ok. 

longtimewaiting  - really hoping you are ok now. i soooooo hate those announcements. Last year five of my friends got married and pregnant within 3-5 months of their marriage. all of them are due about now. one had a baby boy last week. It seems to happen so easily for some people. sending you lots of hugs from a person who knows what it feels like. take time out and think one day it will be you! your dreams will come true. Glad athens plans are going well. we are thinking of going over there end of september. what are you going to have done? if you don't mind me asking?

atm - feeling a bit better about everything today. feel normal after the hysteroscopy and went back to the gym which was good. tried going back sunday but it made me sick. DP was not impressed considering op was only last tuesday. think i went back too soon. i get so depressed with everything sometimes its hard to snap out of it. 

anyway best wishes to everyone x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Rach – thank you, I know everyone here has been there and understands. My closest 4 friends have had 9 babies in the time we’ve been TTC. I love the babies I just hate the pg announcements. And I hate the way it makes me turn into a crazy lady! I’m ok now – been immersing myself in planning Athens today. We’re going for OE ICSI with immune tx following my hysteroscopy there in June and of course I don’t mind you asking. I’d recommend Serum to anyone. If you want to ask anything about it please do. The experience with Serum has been a million times better than with my clinic here.

Our flights are booked for 31 Aug and we’ve booked a week on an island after tx for a complete chill out – AF just has to arrive on time now! No pressure! And I need to get a shortlist of apartments in Athens together! 

Go easy at the gym Rach - I miss running but got fed up stop starting with it in between tx so stick with walking now (and DH will come with me if I walk but he won’t run!) x x x  

Thank you to Beth for helping me out and keeping me calm whilst sorting out drugs, flights and accommodation x x x 

Love to everyone x x x


----------



## Hopefulat35

Hi ladies, not really sure if I belong here but been ttc for nearly two years, had one abandoned OE cycle, one BFN on a donor cycle and one chemical on a donor cycle. 

I'm really struggling to cope since the chemical and have five friends due second babies in September and got another bump announcement yesterday so really understand the sadness being expressed on here at the moment and wondered if I could join you?

Hopeful xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi Longtimewaiting, Glad you are ok now. I find it hard being around friends babies so i try and distance from them. We still see friends all the time i just try and touch them as little as possible. Once they get over the age of 2 i find it much better. lol. Its funny how this whole ttc makes you act. Completely understand about the 'crazy lady' part. I get into such a state sometimes. I'm really happy for my friends when they get pg but also gutted at the same time that it is not me and that i am the only one left out of the group who does not have a family. I feel like an outcast. 

Thanks for sharing about athens. I have heard so many good things about it. I had my hysteroscopy in uk but only because it was all sorted before i found out about athens and part of me wishes i just waited. From what i have read athens do a much more detailed proceedure so am worried now that the one i have had done in the uk was a waist of time. I've got 2 frosties in uk and DP wants me to have these transferred to see if they take before thinking about athens, whereas i wanna go straight to athens rather than waisting any more money here. So don't really now what to do. Any suggestions?

The gym is a hard one for me. I try and take it easy but i find its the only way to let of steam. And hate how all the drug have made me put on so much weight so use the gym to try and get it off again. I will contnue to try tho.

Hi Hopefulat35 - welcome to the thread. there are loads of fantastic ladies on here who have been an absolute god send to me during the difficult times of ttc so i am sure people will be willing to share, support and help you out as much as they can. 

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all doing good. x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning ladies  

LTW - fellow   lady right here....I work in a dept full of women, and am  watching them all go on mat leave...come back...off again...oh there's someone eelse....and recently a colleague told me they all feel sorry for me as i "can't have kids"! nice.....
I think it's easier to avoid them and their bumps and babies...i am having a hard time as my sil has a little baby, since the birth we hardly see my parents at all.  I did once let it out to my mum and told her about my feelings, if a little angrily. Her way of coping was to hang up after telling me to "have a good life" only to ring later in the week as if nothing had happened. Now i'm too tired to invest into it, it's sad  

Welcome Hopeful - stay just that  

Rachel - i totally understand your feelings, as you know I had a hysteroscopy just before you.  Just like you, they found adhesions and removed them, so that's a double plus for next cycle as the hystero has a positive effect in it's self.  It is hard when you hear of others great experience elsewhere, but you must remember that your hystero went well, and something is fixed.  You must be positive for your next step, and take things one decision at a time.  We may be cycle buddies  

SL4E - have you booked your trip? I love the description 

Hi to everyone else, hope you're ok  

Afm af due today, prescription was sent but never arrived so collecting another today, happening quickly again, what do you ladies think about the gym?

Lil' one


----------



## rory2011

Hi ladies

I hade my fourth bfn last Thursday and in a kind of limbo right now. DH and I are still desperate to have a child but feel that we can't do IVF again as we have done it four times now and no whiff of a bfp. I was really hoping this cycle would work as we changed clinics as last clinic weren't interested in changing anything/further testing. We had various tests done  and nothing was found as a cause of repeated failures( I have a low amh ) and we added aspirin, clexane and steroids to this cycle and still a bfn. We are waiting for review to discuss what next.

At least dh and I are on the same wave length about still trying but not sure which route to go down.

i know what you mean about preg announcements...they always seem to come right after a bfn. Monday morning first day back after bfn and found out someone at work is preggers...just waiting for more announcements. A friend is also due in a few weeks time so know that will be tough.

R


----------



## lil&#039; one

Welcome Rory  
Hope we can help....
Lil one


----------



## Nordickat

Hi everyone   

I know its  a bit cheeky to come on here and ask for advice when I don't post anymore but you are the best bunch to ask I think. I know most of you don't know me so I guess I'm just asking for advice from those that do know me.

Sorry so see so many new names on here     but these really are the loveliest group of ladies you could ever for support from   

So anyway, I need some thoughts on what to do about my frostie. My mental health support team don't want me to use my frostie yet, neither does DH really but I can't move on properly while there is still that silly glimmer of hope, however tiny, that my journey isn't quite over yet. In all honesty, I wish I had had a letter to say the freezer had defrosted so no more frostie so no more decision making. That's not likely to happen so its up to me now. It could be years before I get the green light to try again but I don't think they can actually stop me having tx although they can advice the clinic against letting me. I would ideally have to reduce my meds before tx which DH thinks is selfish as its him and the dog that suffer most and I think he is right about that to be honest. Nobody thinks I can deal with the BFN, or even worse, as DH pointed out, what if its BFP followed by another mc. I know they are all right but in my head we won't even get to transfer since we only have the one embie. I don't think I actually want it to even thaw OK, I'd rather it was over as asap since I know it won't result in a baby anyway. It is all very pointless but at the same time something I have to do to be able to draw a line under the whole sorry mess. Shall I ask them to destroy it for me? I know that seems crazy to those of you who don't know me, but hopefully not to those who do know my story. I don't think I'll ever be 'well' enough to go through more tx really so surely it would be better to finish it now and get rid of my last embie? Maybe doing destroying it will help my healing process? Maybe once tx is properly over, I'll be able to deal with everything else and draw a line under everything else too? It sits very well in my head and the only thing I am concerned about it whether I'll regret it in the future. What if one day I'm 'cured' and want to try again. I can't imagine that day ever happening and certainly not within the next 4.5 years which is as long as the law will let us keep that icebaby, but what if ........... I really thought I was done with 'what ifs' but now it seems I have just one more huge one. 

Am I being irrational?

Love and thanks for taking the time to read my waffle, 
Katxxx


----------



## bethholm

So wonderful to hear from you Kat and it's not waffle you silly girl,we are always thrilled (and I am sure I speak for all the regulars on here!) to hear from you as you are never far from our thoughts.

It's such a tough decision that you face.I think if it were me, I'd always think I might be upset if I'd destroyed my last frostie so I would defrost it and let Fate play her part.If it didn't thaw properly then the decision would be taken from me.I know you probably wouldn't do this,but to give it a best shot,I'd have a hysto in Athens and then full immunes too (although I know this isn't an option for you.) I know you are terrified of having it transferred in case of a BFN or possible MC but if you knew it would be your last time you would ever put yourself through this,would it help a little? I don't envy your decision sweetheart- I would just think of how each possible decision would effect me in the future. 

Here if you need to talk it through further.

Big hugs

B x


----------



## Nordickat

Thanks Beth. You are right, I'll not be able to go for a hysto I'd really struggle to get through that. What ever I have done will have to be done by my current consultant and not somebody new, however lovely they are. The things is, I'm not sure I do want to give it my best shot. Its not going to work anyway so throwing myself into it and raising hopes might make it even harder in the long run. I would so heparin and prednisolone though as that was my standard tx anyway. Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'm not actually stable enough yet to make any kind of decision   

Just had a super quick scroll back:
Beth - glad things are progressing nicely
Rach - I'd have your FET here before Athens, although I've not read your history, just your last couple of posts.
Everyone else   and


----------



## seemedlike4eva

welcome hopeful and rory   , even if we don't have the magic wand to make dreams come true, we can offer our support and understanding.
LTW, going to keep everything tightly crossed for you for the next 6 weeks til we get your good news!
Rach, hope you've had a rest now, & feel a bit better.
Lil One, hope you managed to get your meds in time to synch with af - not booked our mini-break yet, good job I didn't cos I got the wrong week, we want to go down while MIL & SIL are in Hastings, & I was a week ahead of them   . Goodness knows what I'm going to be like with 'baby-brain' if it happens.
Kat, what a huge thing for you to deal with. My gut feeling- and how I'd maybe deal with it personally - is pretty much the same as Beth. I think long-term I'd suffer more from 'what if' than the outcome of going ahead...... I've got so hardened by the whole IF thing, I don't think I have a scrap of PMA left, so as a kind of self protection I enter each cycle expecting it to fail, then if it works it's a bonus.


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Kat - I only know you briefly from when I joined this thread but I know tx seriously affects your mental health to an extent that I, and I expect a lot of others, are unable to understand. From your post you don't quite sound ready to destroy your frostie at the moment - you have the next 4.5 years to think. I know it makes it harder to move on but maybe you don't need to rush to a decision? Take lots of care and join us anytime - it's lovely to hear from you  

Hello to everyone else and welcome to the newbies - so sorry you're here. A BFN is such a huge loss, give yourselves time to grieve. 

I saw that twin pg friend today - phew, got that one over with and my brave face survived!


----------



## Nordickat

Thanks ltw and sl4e. DH and I had another big talk last night and he pointed out that I'm not firing on all cylinders at the moment and he would have to be as crazy as me to sign any paperwork connected to our embie! He is right :-( . He said that january 1st is when we sit down and decide what to do. I can't argue as deep down I know it's the right thing to do. It just seems ages away.

I know I should pop in here a bit more but with so many of you gearing up to try again I just find I can't be as supportive as I used to be. It's not because I don't want to be, I just find it so draining to talk tx. I do browse often though so don't expect to get away with any sneaky BFPs, I'll see them all 

SL4E - PMA didn't used to be allowed to be mentioned on this thread since not of us had any or believed having it would make a difference anyway. I hope with all my heart you get your bonus xxx

LTW - well done for getting through the visit. I hope it wasn't as painful as you imagined.

Bye for now. No doubt I'll be back with another whacky plan soon ;-)

Katxxx

PS. We have 19 eggs in an incubator so I'll be announcing multiple BFPs soon ........... do chickens count?


----------



## Nordickat

Look at me hey, 2 posts in one day   .
Just doing some research on something completely unrelated to tx, but there is proper (not Dr Google) evidence that Mediterranean diets reduce inflammation and coagulation which should in theory aid those of you with immune issues and not just people worrying about heart disease. Its easy to do too so maybe worth a try   .

Now back to what I was really looking for ..............


oooh, add cherries to your diet too.


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## Rach76

Hi all. Hoping everyone is ok. 

Just a quick question - for those of you that have had a hysteroscopy. Does AF come as normal afterwards or does the bleed you get after hysteroscopy count as an AF with your next AF coming 4 weeks later (or however long your cycle is)?

Also did people get put on antibiotics after hysteroscopy or any other medication?

Thanks for your help ladies x x


----------



## chocbunny

Hi ladies,
don't feel I am truly worthy of this thread as you have all been through so much more than me (2nd BFN this morning) but I wanted to let you know I'm reading and finding you all so inspirational.  Hope you don't mind a lurker.
Best wishes to you all


----------



## rory2011

Kat what a dilemma you have. I feel the same as Beth and sl4e that to defrosta and see what happens although I know when to do that will be a challenge too..but at the end of the day it is what is best for you and dh. 

Choc bunny so sorry you are here.
Rach I haven't had a hysteroscopy so can't help.

Ltw glad you survived meeting your friend. I am waiting for the influx of preg announcements and friend is due to give birth in next few weeks, so more tears to come from me.

I am in limbo, not sure what to do....thinking of de or something else...my current mood is to sod it and run off and go travelling...keep thinking that would be a better way to spend money as feel that treatment won't work. I am sure I will change my mind a million times by the time we have our review in sept about the way forward, just know that I can't do the same thing again.

Hope you are all having lovely weather!


----------



## pinkpixie

Kat wanted to have a think before i replied but it sounds like you have a plan now.  I can understand it will be impossible to move on whilst you have the frostie but can also see your DH point of view about you being able to cope with another round of treatment.  Do you feel any better now that you have a date in mind to decide what to do? What would happen with your meds if you did get a BFP? I know what you mean about it just being a tick in the box and having it just to use your frostie up.  I rememeber being glad i didnt get any frosties last time as that meant it was the end of the line (i know its diff for me now but i do remember how strongly i felt that)  i really hope that you can move on xxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Hi Ladies,

Well ding ding here goes another attempt!!! Just starting my monitoring cycle with ARGC. Clinic number 3!!

Had my results back for my day 3 bloods. My FSH has gone up my prolactin levels have doubled since November. I guess I have had 2 failed cycles since then & I Spose I don't really know what all these drugs are doing to my poor little ovaries.

Off for a mid cycle scan next week. Also testing for Karotypes & maybe immunes. ARGC is all new to me so haven't really got a clue. Just going to turn up & go with the flow! Oh & to top it all DH is away for the whole month with work. 

M

Xx


----------



## JBox

I'm here again (never left coz I  am a lurker) to say to kat hello, how are u doing? I miSs you and I'm so pleased to hear from u and that u r ok...

Listen babe, u got to take the plunge at some point whether now or in another 6 months time... U were trying to move on but that little ice baby is there holding u back and u will never ever be able to fully move onto a different life while ur frostie is still an option. I don't know if this is the right time for u but I do know what u have been thru in the past and how difficult a time both u and ur dh (and doggy) have had so only u together can decide when to take the plunge. But I really don't think u shld ignore ur frostie and pretend its not there coz ull always live with the what if - or at least for the next 4.5 yrs. I am the last one to give pma as u know, but u just never ever know what will be and if I was in ur shoes today, that's what would be going thru my mind and in some way that's what I think u must be thinking as u wouldn't be posting here otherwise.
Babe u have had a ruff deal and ur health is of upmost importance - u are no use to anyone if u r not feeling or doing well. Decide that u r going to go for it and then decide a date and then work towards it

.I have a technical question - do u have to do all the drugs for a straight transfer? Can it be a natural one?

Sending u a huge hug darling

Hello to everyone else - hope ur all doing well. Ltw - hope lifes being kind to u
Beth - hope ur feeling ok

Xx


----------



## coweyes

Can I please add my 2 pennies worth? 

Personally I think leaving it till January ( I think that was the date you gave) personally is the best option. Yes your still on hold, but putting your mental health first has to be the most important thing! The thing is no matter what the out come of the frosties are it will put a strain on you, as it does anyone. As you know I have just found out I am pregnant, and I have to say I am struggling I really am, no matter how well it all goes its very very hard mentally. 

Leave it till January where you still have several months to get strong and be I the best place possible to except what ever news happens. Xxxxxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Rach - af came perfectly on time for me following hystero, haven't had any extra meds, as long as no sign of infection, they told me no need, where are you at?

Nordikat - I really don't know your circumstances, for what it's worth, I think that this whole journey has such an effect on your mental welfare - wherever it was to start with, I think it'll have an effect either way, but sounds like some time to get back on your feet with a firm plan for the frosties may be a good wway to go? Then you're not hanging in limbo but getting strong for something?  

Michimoo - do you have aa complete monitoring cycle before any meds with arc? Sounds pretty thorough  

Rory - i've had those thoughts too, think we may seriously look at emigrating at some stage, for me i've learnt so much, not in a good way, about the support we have back home 
Chocbunny - how are you doing , lurkers welcome  

Afm day 3 of stims today, first progress scan tomorrow, they are cchecking a bit earlier because of hystero, enjoy the weather ladies

Lil one


----------



## chocbunny

hi all,
thank you lil'one I'm doing okay.  Much better than my last BFN but maybe I'll be regretting saying that tomorrow when everyone gets back to normal life and I have nothing positive to focus on.  That's what I found hardest last time round.
So relieved to hear the insistence on PMA is banned round here!  I'm kind of sick of it as it clearly doesn't work for me!
Just wondered whether any of you guys have ever bought into the aspect of diet and nutrition and how much effect that can have?  DH loves any excuse to get me away from my chocolate, but it seems there might be something to it - the idea being that it doesn't matter what multi-vit you're taking, if the sugar/caffeine/alcohol you have stops your body absorbing the vitamins, and without certain vitamins your body just can't function properly.  The book we read is by Dr Marilyn Glenville who I know has a fantastic reputation in this field.  Last 2 cycles, I've been pretty good - no caffeine, no alcohol, sooo much water! - but tended to go with the theory that stressing yourself out trying to avoid too many different food and drinks, let alone microwaves, computers, new paint, etc etc etc had worse effect than being sensible.  Not to mention the cost of eating nothing but organic  
Clinic never mentioned anything about diet at all, but then maybe they know better than to suggest to hormonal women to cut out chocolate!
Sorry for hijacking.


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Kat – glad you have a plan, to see how you feel in January seems like a good idea. Take care x x x 

Rach – my AF was really late after hysto and I was on antibiotics and some HRT pills – sorry I’ve forgotten the name. 

Hi Chocbunny – take lots of care of yourself. BFNs are heartbreakingly sad however many you’ve had. I swing from thinking nothing you eat makes any damn difference to being obsessively careful about everything you might want to add/cut out! I think you’re right in what you say about being sensible and trying not to stress too much being the best way.

Hi Rory – always thinking of everybody here coping with the pg announcements and the births that go on around us all the time. Good luck with getting together a plan for the future, whatever it may be – a world tour or more tx!

Hi Pinkpixe – wow, 65 days to go. Hope you’re feeling ok. We want to hear your birth announcement – this world is completely different. 

Hi Michimoo – best of luck with ARGC. 

Hi JBox – lovely to hear from you. Hope you and your little girl are doing well. You can do a completely natural FET with no meds, I looked into it for our frosties.

Hi Coweyes – sorry to hear you’re struggling. I think most tx ladies find being pg extremely stressful, so much to worry about. 

Hi lil’ one – good luck with your scan tomorrow x x x 

Hello to all the regulars anyone else lurking x  

Loving the sunshine!


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello chocbunny, I've done the avoid coffee/alcohol last 2 cycles, as a kind of token gesture to make me feel better. I've decided to take a food intolerance test before we go again, as I've got thyroid problems and there is a theory that gluten could make this worse. I'm also planning to see Prof Quenby for an endo scratch/NK biopsy. We're on a tight budget, and these 2 are affordable options.....as long as the food intolerance doesn't show too many reactions!
Kat, I love cherries, epsecially soaked in brandy and encased in chocolate - which kind of negates above    And looking forward to your multiple birth announcement, that'll raise a few eyebrows having 19 at once !
Rach, the bleeding immediately hysto is not AF, it's just shedding what has been disturbed. True AF should arrive on time, or maybe a bit late.
Jbox, nice to know you're still keeping an eye on us
Lil One, hope your scan shows all is as it should be.


  to everyone else, got to dash now & get ready for physio, methinks it's gonna hurt. Just had an NHS advice leaflet through door 'Early Bleeding in Pregnancy - where to go for help in Birmingham'. Is there no escape from the fertile world


----------



## Jess81

4eva, 
i saw prof quenby last year.... she is really lovely, very scientisty though but lovely all the same! Hope ur NK cells come back ok. Mine came back borderline (would only happen to me!!) so got prescribed steriods. 

Jess xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Thanks for all your help regarding hysteroscopy and af. Just waiting for af to arrive now so i can think about when to start a frozen cycle. 

I'm on a bit of a health kick at the moment. Trying to eat healthy. Mind you I do this after every tx as the drugs make me put on sooooo much weight. Anyone else put on loads of weight when cycling? I gave up caffine in tea and coffee when i first started tx so haven't had any for nearly six years now. However still eat chocolate frm time to time so having caffine through that. 

lil'one - hope your scan went ok.

sending a big hug to everyone else x


----------



## rory2011

sl4e- are you in Brum? I work in brum but live in Lichfield.

I too have given up on caffeine although do eat choc every now and again...i do seem to go off it when having tx but not sure if that's psychological.
Alcohol- i have cut down a lot and don't drink for tx.

I am not sure what i think as most people don't have to do this sort of thing to get preggers and I am sure most of us eat fairly well most of the time...saying that I'd give anything ago. My MIL  and FIL took brewers yeast to get pregnant...may have to get some of that as it's one thing we haven't tried!

Not sure on the travelling or treatment...had a chat with some aussie girls yesterday about where to go there!


----------



## Michimoo

Omg RACH I have had to go out & buy a new wardrobe!!!! I've put on 2 stone through tx & I can't for the life of me lose it!!!!  

Chocbunny - I think we try anything that has a hint of helping us. I was so good on my last 2 failed cycles I even made a chart to tick off my 5 a day, protein, pineapple juice, water, brazil nut etc!!!!! Now I'm fed up & can't stop eating choc & have a few glasses of red when I fancy. ( although my accupuncturist said red wine was ok   )

Rach & longtime waiting - what was your hysto for? Apparently ARGC do one as standard just before you stimm to make the lining good & help work out where the best place for implantation could be. 

Lilone - you can't start treatment with ARGC until you have a monitoring cycle & they get all your results back. I'm a little worried as if I went to another clinic I could start again in Sept, but I've seen a woman who had her monitoring cycle in Jan & because of raised NK cells they've been treating that & she still hasn't had a cycle yet!!!!!!

Rory - think ill jump on a plane & come with you travelling!

Kat - I hate cherries   seems all the stuff I like is bad for me!!! 

Afm I had a major meltdown on Saturday. Just getting fed up with stinking ******** with people announcing that they are naturally pg with their second, third , forth child at the grand old ages of 37+  
I went through the "why me" " what did I do so wrong in a previous life" " what's the point in anything"" maybe I should leave my DH & let him find a woman who can give him kids" oh the list went on. Hasten to say I looked like a puffer fish that evening!!

Anyway monitoring scan on Wed which Im actually poooping myself about. Not sure why when I've done it all before. I just want to get two lines on a pee stick!!!!!!

Rant over.   

M
Xxxx


----------



## Rach76

Michimoo - i put 2 stone on too. its so depressing! wouldn't mind getting fat if a baby was the result of it but hate the fact that i'm getting fatter by the minute with no baby to show for it. 

I had hysto to remove scarring and adhesions which they think was caused by eptopic and miscarraige. Am a bit ****** off really cause I think someone at my clinic should have thought about me having a hysto straight after my miscarriage rather than letting me try for another three goes and them not working before suggesting the hysto. So i feel like i have wasted loads of money on cycles and now money is really running out. 

Thats good that ARGC do that. i thought about going their and told my clinic i was going to see them for a second opinion and they talked me out of it. had an inital consultation with ARGC aswell but cancelled it on the advice i was given. Is it really expensive at ARGC?

Rach x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Eve ladies  

Are you all missing the olympics? I am in withdrawal, but looking forward to the paras.

Rach - I feel a bit like that too, lots of wasted chances, but at least we're on the right track now  


Michimoo - about a stone here, which is a lot when you're under five foot, it's a constant struggle    ******** can be evil  

Rory - i try and be sensible, the doc said some caffeine is ok, so i try lots of milk, protein, no alcohol....hopefully this time  

Sl4e - no - no escape but keep running....

Afm first scan today was ok, a bit early to really know much but no major problems, so thank heaven for small mercies, am planning a trip for us across central america if this doesn't work, I need some distraction, dh thinks i'm mad, but it keeps me busy,   that we won't be able to go.

Hope you're all ok ladies

Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

jess, you're the 2nd person who's endorsed Prof Quenby, which is good to hear. I'm on long term pred, so it'll be interesting to see if there's NK activity, it's the endo scratch aspect I want more, but while she's poking around there... Agate from Serum/Immune thread suggested the scratch may help as I've been on pred permanently for 8 years, I may be over-supressed and need to 'wake up' my uterus.
Rory, yes I'm in Brum...
fellow dieters, Lil One nice to know there's another shortie round here, I rejoined slimming world last week. I worked really hard last year to shift 2 stone, but 8lbs have crept back on. I get back in the pool for hydrotherapy on thursday, so once my confidence & knee flexion returns I'll be able to go swimming.


----------



## Nordickat

Thanks for all your words of wisdom last week. It seems I have too much on my plate at the moment to make decisions about anything. Having said that I decided which flavours of Ben & Jerrys we should get last night and that's way up there on the important list if you ask me. The good thing about no more tx is not having to care about your body anymore  I discovered the downside of befriending fellow crazies from the hospital ...... they all turn out to be crazy so once I've solved everyone elses issues I'll pop back in to check the bfp count  There is a bit too much tx talk here while you are all cycling so I'll just come back and celebrate with you instead.

Thanks for pms and emails. They were lovely and much appreciated and I'll reply soon when I've got my head sorted a bit.

Good luck cyclers.
Sl4e hope the hydrotherapy speeds things up.
Love to everyone,
Kat, the proud mummy of 4 teeny weeny chicks


----------



## wobs

Hey ladies
Sorry for my lack on contact.
Hi to the new ladies. Sorry you are here.
Hi to the oldies too.   
I'm at the stage where i find sticking my head in the sand, and staying away from FF much better for me sanity-wise!!   

Kat - nice to 'see' you...but sorry about your dilemma.  It sounds like you have it sorted in your head now.  But I'm with the others - don't try and make a decision now.  You have 4 1/2 years to decide - a lot can change in that time.  When you have your last shot (if you do and there is no saying that you have to) you want it to be your best shot.  I know you are thinking it won't work and you want to get it over and done with (that's me now - will cycle for final time with ARGC in Autumn - eeeeeekk!) but without PMA (banned on here I know) it definitely won't work I don't think....So get yourself well, happy etc... and leave it on the back burner for now.
The chicks sound sooooooo exciting.  We had eggs/chicks at school once and it was seriously exciting seeing them born etc... Very cute.  Take care and now that you are never far from our thoughts.  You'll get it all sorted - I know you will.   

The 'summer' (can I call it that?) seems to have gone today.  Rain, rain, rain!

Take care all of you.  Will post/read from time to time, but for me at the moment regular reading/posting just tends to increase my paranoia/reality check (!) re: never having kids!!!

bye for now
Wobs


----------



## lil&#039; one

Afternoon ladies  

Wobs - good to hear you again  

Nordikat - hope the chicks are doing ok, and you of course  

Sl4e - 2 stone is a really good effort, hopefully you can get back to your swimming soon  

Hope everyone eelse is doing ok  

Afm this will need to be my last post here as we just found out we are pregnant, had an abnormal progress scan today, did a cheeky hpt and the clinic confirmed 4-5 weeks.  Very early days, but overjoyed.....and they said we'd need icsi, just goes to show they're not always right.

Thank you for all your support ladies  

I hope your dreams come true....
Lil one


----------



## coweyes

omg lil' one


Thats such great news, i am so pleased for you. xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Wow lil' one - that's fantastic! Brilliant news, sooooo happy for you xxxxxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all.

Congrates lil'one. that is such fantastic news. really pleased for you and wishing you all the best.

Hoping everyone else is doing good.

Atm waiting for AF to arrive. Still not here and it is now day 33. Just want it to arrive so we can start cycling again. So blotted and can't stop eating so it must be on its way!

Rach x


----------



## bethholm

Lil'one- utterly thrilled for you.

Let's hope and pray that our good luck spreads on this fantastic thread.

B x


----------



## wobs

Great news Lil one!!! Wow!  Congrats

Wobs


----------



## rory2011

Congrats lil one..you must be so pleased xx.
Rach hope ad turns up soon...the time you wantit to be on time it never is and torments you as its not a bfp either!


----------



## longtimewaiting

Beth - lovely to see your new signature! Really pleased all is going well.

Hello to wobs - good to hear from you, been wondering how you've been doing. Take care of yourself and that head in the sand! Completely understand - sometimes FF can feel like another step in IF taking over life x x x 

Hi to everyone else too - just want to say everyone here is soooo lovely, I very much appreciate you all x x x


----------



## wanabmum

Hi Ladies ,  hope its ok to ask some advice ? 
I'm due to get my 9th BFN tomorrow   i must have been very bad in a past life!  
I have always used Gonal F and was thinking next time of asking for Menapur - has anybody found this made any diffrence.x


----------



## coweyes

Sorry to hear that your having such a rough time  

I have used both and responded much better on gonal f.  I got 13 follies on menapur x 2 and 20 on final f! But I guess everyone responds differently to drugs. Does your clinic use both or will you need to change?


----------



## Nordickat

congrats Lil'one. A lovely way to brighten a wet miserable day. Stick tight wee bean

wanabmum - I'm sorry your expecting another BFN   . Trying menopur sounds like a good idea to me, you need to try something different for your own peace of mind as well as anything else. I have used both and I'm not sure if there was a difference really as I was 2 years older and at another clinic when I switched to menopur so not comparable. Try it though, it is different and it might be the difference you need. 

Hi wobs   

Hello to everyone else of course too   

7 chicks now   
Katxxx


----------



## chocbunny

hi wanabmum,

So sorry to see all that you've been through.  I can't imagine how you have coped  

But moving forward, you've asked about the different drugs and for me personally I had almost identical responses to gonal f and menopur getting 27 and 28 follicles of similar sizes but got 14 eggs on gonal f cycle and just 5 on menopur which was a shock and disappointment to the clinic as well as me.  The cycles were just 3 months apart with nothing else obvious to differentiate them and the 5 didn't turn out to be better quality so I think I definitely respond better to gonal f.  I was surprised at how different the drugs are in terms of content and how they're made and it seems they each work better for some people so I agree that trying something new seems a good idea for you.  

Wishing you all the best


----------



## bethholm

Wanabmum- I've never been on gonal-f,but have been on menopur which I found suited me better to be honest as I got a better result re eggs.I've also been told that sometimes menopur suits older women too.

Ladies- can I ask you all a quick question?I am a little worried that I may upset some of you on here with my signature (there's one lady on another thread who isn't happy with another member posting who is pregnant and has a ticker) and I was wondering if you all preferred me not to post anymore on here?I never mention what is happening with me as I am sensitive about doing this (unless asked) however I only post on here as I feel I have a good knowledge of meds,clinics,immunes,diet,hystos etc.This thread still feels like home and the ladies on here are simply the best,but if I can help in anyway re info, I would like to. If you would rather I didn't post,I would completely understand.I don't mind anyone PMing me if they would rather I didn't post and I will totally understand.

B x


----------



## Nordickat

As one of the original veterans I feel I can safely speak on behalf of at least some the oldies and say you are welcome to post Beth. Its not a pg thread but it is still a thread for those wanting to get pg. You are where everyone else is aiming for. I admit posting about your morning sickness and aches and pains would be tactless but that's not your style anyway. Signatures can be turned off by the way so tell your friend on the thread that she should maybe turn hers off if it hurts her to see it.

Post away Beth


----------



## Jess81

Hi Ladies, 
i've not posted for a while as nothing is happening here... i've just been promoted at work and have a 16 week course to do so no ivf for me until the new year. 

Beth, I have no problems with you posting here, i find it comforting in some way that you struggled for so long and have now got to where we all want to be! I like to read your signature to see how you are getting on. 

wanabmum - i've used both menapur and gonal F... i personally prefer gonal F as there is no faff with mixing but i agree it would be a good shot to try something different. i don't want to teach you to suck eggs or anything but have you tried assisted hatching and the injection form progesterone (can't remember the name!) it will come to me and i'll post back lol! 

Congrats Lil-one hope you have good news for us in 9 months time! 

Hello to everyone else   

xx


----------



## rory2011

Beth I am not offended by you posting with your ticker...it does give us ladies hope that our dreams may come true after all the heartbreak of the bfn's and you have a lot of knowledge and have been there done that, so can give us some good advice. 

Wannabmum I have not had gonal f but have had menopour and fostimon. I had half the amount of fostimon and got the same amount of eggs.. Some meds suit some women. More than others. The only way to know is to try.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Sorry no personals, clinic rang to say baby has stopped growing...waiting for the inevitable....numb


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hi ladies sorry I've not posted for a wee while but my last cycle completely blew me away with negative vibes which I didn't want to push upon you. 

Anyhow onwards and upwards.

Beth I've no problem with you posting on here as your story does fill us all with hope and your are sensitive to our feelings so please feel free to join. 

Lil one.. I feel numb for you and my heart goes out to you as I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. I wish I could give you big hugs but syber ones will have to do for now. Beth has obviously been in your shoes and that proves why Beth should remain with us to help you and give you support. 

I can't read back to who asked the question about gonal f as I'm on my phone but all I can say is that I personnally feeder menopur as it suits me and I produce a fairly good amount of eggs for my age & low AMH so it really is a personal opinion.

Love to you all and love to those cycling.. I hope to join the rolletcoaster next year sometime when we've got the money & strength to fight it again xxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Oh no Lill one. I'm so sorry sending   &   for you that it's not bad news.  

M
Xxxxx


----------



## bethholm

Lil'one- oh sweetheart- my heart goes out to you.Having had 3 such scans (1 in which we were told bluntly that I'd miscarry it) I can totally empathise.Huge huge hugs.

B xxxxx


----------



## wanabmum

Thanks Ladys for your advice! Feels like a bit of a  double edge sword i'm scared  to change something that has worked fine for me, but need to try something new always have high teens of egg on gonal f and i know this sounds daft but i don't really want extra embrios to be frozen! Im in the middle of my Nhs cycles - i get 3! and am getting to the stage i just want to use my shots and move on   
Lil'one


----------



## Nordickat

Oh lil'one my heart goes out to you. It's nothing to do with deserving bad things or not so stop that train of thought. Life is just cruel at random and I'm so so sorry you are losing your precious bean. Another wee soul just too special to enter this cruel world.
Katxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello everyone, 
Beth, please don't disappear! 
Wannab, hello there, welcome.
Kat, I love the chick pic, soooo cute.
Lil One    I'm so sorry your miracle ended so soon, but    that dream may still come true naturally
.  wobs, LTW, Rory, Jess, HBK, Coweyes, Rach, Chocbunny and everyone who's reading.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Ladies, thank you for your help,
Beth - your inbox is full!
Lil one


----------



## bethholm

Lil'one- message box now slightly emptier!

B x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Lil' one - terrible terrible terrible news. I'm so sorry. Heartbreakingly sad. Big hugs from me.  

Beth - you know I'm fine with you being here. A beacon of hope for us true BFN veterans. 

Love to everyone xxx


----------



## wobs

lil' one - so so sad to read your news. take care   

Beth - don't mind you posting; think it's good to hear good news.  Keep posting.

AFM we've finally come off the fence, after a long chat.  One last shot at ARGC. Then we may (and it's a big may) consider donor or more likely and more realistically will stop.  Either way we'll not be doing anything for a while afterwards and just having a break from it all - looking for new job/house instead.  Must be mad to be spending the sort of money the ARGC demand, but got to finish the journey.  

Big hugs to those who need it.
Lil' one just so sad for you.
IF is soo soooo cruel
take care all
Wobs


----------



## coweyes

lil one i am so sorry i really am


----------



## pinkpixie

lil one so sorry   

wobs i know argc is so expensive but i believe it is important to do what you feel you need to especially if its last go.

hi to everyone else


----------



## coweyes

Wobs I think changing clinics is a great idea. When I changed to guys from bcrm there treatment plan was totally different, I felt from the minute my treatment started that it was different and there for I couldn't help but feel a little exited rather than down trodden that we were just doing the same and expecting a different result! I don't know how many clinics you have been to but I have been to 3 and I can say there all so so different!

When I went to guys I know that we we're coming to an end of how much treatment we would do. It was ether going to be our last go or second from last. Give yourself the best chance and at the worst you know you tried it all. Xx


----------



## Rach76

Lil'one -  so so so so sorry to hear your news. brought a tear to my eye. sending you loads of hugs x 

Beth - please don't go anywhere your wealth of knowledge and information is priceless.

ATM been away for a couple of days to celebrate my birthday. Have hit 36 trying to be positive even though AF still hasn't arrived since hystero ( on day 37 now) And i can't getting it out of my head that i still don't have a family.  Had a great time away though and made sure DP spoilt me rotten! But it is really really hard. feel sad and depressed at points most days. 

Hi to all the other ladies on here too. Hope you are all well.

Rach x


----------



## Jules18080

Hi

Is there any way I can join this thread it would be great to be with people that have been through this journey more than once and I might (?) have some helpful info ? 

Jules


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello Jules,
of course you can join us. This is the only thread I feel comfortable enough to post on at the moment.
Look forward to getting to know you better.
Rach   . It's not unusual for AF to be delayed after a hysto. Maybe your DP could give mine a few tips on how to make a birthday special!
Love to everyone x


----------



## Jules18080

Thank you so much seemslike4eva I think you name sums this journey up. X I've been with hubbie size I was 19 and we just celebrated 11 years of marriage and 18 years together. I am lucky I have found my sole mate but finding it hard as we get older with everyone and their sister having a baby... All those friends that never wanted them. Sister in laws having two and work colleagues in their 20s starting to have them. This can be a very lonely journey and I do believe unless you've been through it and had bfns people don't understand this journey xxx

Big hello to you all x


----------



## Rach76

Hi Jules, welcome to the thread.

Thanks for the hug seemslike4eva

Hi everyone else hope you are all ok.

I'm having a nightmere of a day and really hope you guys don't mind me sharing........... well we went to my follow up appointment with the gyno who did my hysteroscopy and it has made me sooooo angry. Was in there all of 5 minutes  (cost 160 pounds!) and he did not tell me anything more than when i had just woken up from the op three weeks ago and everything he said seemed to be very 'airy fairy' no straight answers.  Firstly i asked when my period was likely to come and he said ' well it might or it might not, may take three to four months for your body to sort itself out' so what is this meant to mean - i could not have a period for four months? then i asked if i could cycle again and he said no because he wants to go back in and have another look in three months time. Why i asked and he said to have a look and cut anything else out that might be there. This really confused me as in the previous breath he had told me he had cut everything out last time. So why did he need to have another look charging me 3 grand to do it. Then i asked if the adhesions and scaring would grow back and he said no, when i thought they did? please correct me if i am wrong.  And finally it went from me having two areas of adhesions removed to there beeing quite a few in there even through he could not tell me roughly how many! I am so confused and fuming! just don't know what to do next. I really do not want to paid another 3 grand for him to 'have a look' again but on the other hand i do not want to do a cylce and put my frosties in there as i can't trust that he has done what he was meant too in the first place and would therefore be wasting them. Please help ladies i'm tearing my hair out here! 

Rach x


----------



## pinkpixie

Rach would u consider going to serum if u need another hysto? I enquired about having one there and they were quiet happy to do that even if having treatment elsewhere


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## bethholm

Rach sweetheart- I echo Pinkpixie- GO TO SERUM!A hysto costs around £1450 and it's one of the best places in Europe regarding this procedure.You get excellent follow up too and a DVD of the procedure! I wasn't cycling with Peny when I had my hysto so you don't have to be having IVF to have this done. Also it is incredibly rare to have to have a follow up operation after it.It sounds as if your consultant is in the money making game especially when your follow up is all of 5 mins!

Lil'one- you are still in my thoughts.

AFM- thanks ladies for all your wonderful comments re me posting- it all reaffirms why this is THE best thread on FF.

B x


----------



## Jules18080

Rach it does sound like your consultant is on a money train rather than helping you! I've never been to where the others have recommended but think its always worth a second opion, this is why I left my clinic after 3 failed ivf cycles as my consultant just kept giving no answers but wanting more money xxxxx


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## Lucky Brumbar

Hey lil'one i'm so sorry hun... 

Beth, we love your posts chicken! I wouldn't be able to continue to go though this if it wasnt for the nice signatures with BFN...BFN.....bfn........ Bfn...  And the the nicest BFP at the bottom

Rach, seriously, if i was you i'd run away from the consultant! But that's crazy me! 
I've had hysto both in the UK ( all fine) and serum( pretty much all good but he decided to remove my arcuate septum) and both times i've had a DVD  and an explaination! 

I'm now off again to  athens for another hysto and then a cycle! Flights booked, i'm ready to go

Posting on phone again so just a quick hi to everyone else... Hope you are all well!


----------



## rory2011

Rach it does sound like the are looking at you and seeing pound signs....I would be looking for a second opinion...

Lil one..so sorry to hear your news xx


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## Rach76

Hi all, thank you for all your replies. I'm thinking the same as you guys just needed to hear it from others to confirm it wasn't me going mad and being the only one thinking my consultant was crap! I've got an appointment with my ivf clinic today so am interested to see what they think even though me and Dp have made our mind up to go to Serum for another hystero and then another cycle with them too. So am going to get on the case with planning that when they open again in september. Had researched alot into serum before they shut for summer and had even sent them the completed forms they needed. Just had this feeling I would be having treatment with them.  So least the ball is rolling as they say. Just still really worried about my lack of period. its been 40 days now and i know it is normal to be late after a hystero , but that late? worried the consultant has messed me up in some way. 

Brumbar - best of luck with your treatment in athens.

Hoping everyone else is all ok. And thank you all for your help with this. I don't know what i would do without having all you to talk too. 

Rach x


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## bethholm

Rach- that's what we are all here for.

B xxx


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## lil&#039; one

Hi Ladies   
Firstly, thank you so much for your support, just another way of proving peeps like you should stay here on the thread, Beth !   
Rach - i am sorry you are having a nightmare, i have to agree that your consultant doesn't sound great.  If you are going to go to Serum, i wish you lots of luck, i have only heard good things.  The adhesions don't always grow back, it can depend......Sorry to ask an insensitive question, but have you done a hpt? lightning......twice.....  
Welcome - Jules, know what you mean about everyone else popping them out..........work in a female dominated environment, it's tough   
AFM getting there one step at a time, the happiness (for a couple of days) seems so long ago now.  Still feeling very sore, but that's probably because my ovaries were swollen with multiple 15mm plus follies before we realised what had happened.....i guess they take a while to go down?  Do you guys know how long to wait for the actual miscarriage? I don't want to have ERPC to avoid future scarring.
I think we'll cycle again oct/ nov - we have booked a holiday to cheer us up a bit, but by then will i need another hystero?
Have a good weekend ladies 
Lil' one


----------



## bethholm

Lil'one- so lovely to hear from you and thanks for your kind words.Re MC,I lost my second baby and it was,like yours a MMC however it had sadly died around 3 weeks previously and I still hadn't actually miscarried it. It can therefore,sometimes,take a while to happen.It may be quite a heavy AF and sometimes a little painful (I wanted to give you a heads up on this in case it did happen so you wouldn't worry.) Re hysto- they tend to last around 6 months ish from the date you had the procedure.The holiday sounds like a super plan too.

Take care of yourself sweetheart.

B x


----------



## Rach76

Hi all.

Lil'one - so nice to hear from you. Sending you big hugs. When i MC'd it happened 5 days after i stopped my medication. I was on oestrogen and gestone support at the time. Are you on any meds? my baby stopped growing at 6 1/2 weeks and i MC'd at 8 weeks. But did not find out until 71/2 weeks which is when i was told to stop the meds. I was offered tablet medication to start the MC happen if it had not occurred naturally within a week. Take one day at a time to grieve and get your head around things. I always find getting DP to spoil me helps! Planning lots of nice things to do is also a good thing so a holiday sounds perfect.  And i don't mind you asking - I've done a hpt so am defiantly not pregnant.

Hi Beth and everyone else reading. 

ATM - went to ivf clinic today for appointment which was much more positive than the gynae one yesterday. Had a scan and uterus looks good and i have a good lining for the first time ever. left ovary about to ovulate so am having another scan on Tuesday to see if this follicle develops and if so gonna try and catch it on the way down as this is the side with the tube that is OK, so its worth a try especially as I'm all cleared out in 'there' at the moment. Still planning to go to Athens for next lot of treatment but can't do anything about that until period comes and they open again in september. So this gives me something to do in the mean time.

Rach x


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## seemedlike4eva

hello everyone   ,
Rach, I'm glad the IVF appointment was sensible and positive. Can't believe what hogwash the gynae spouted; almost makes me wonder if he actually did the op himself, or buzzed off for a coffee & is trying to make sense of someone elses's op notes.
Lil 'One, sending you more hugs, I hope your body is able to manage without too much intervention. From my experience of nursing others, MC can vary from very little up to the AF from hell with cramps, clots and gunge - there is no kind of standard. I just hope that when it happens there is the minimum of added stress for you hun.
Brumbar     this is the one
I'm doing quite well with the hydro for the knee, my consultant wants me to go for the NK biopsy before next cycle, so by the time I've got that done, my knee should be functioning better, I should be a few kilos lighter and all will be good.
xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi lovely ladies  

Rach - the clinic appt sounds much more positive, so glad  

SL4E - glad the knee is going in the right direction  

Thanks again for your kind words ladies  

Afm the drama continues...went back to the clinic today due to pain and swelling in abdo, they took bloods and called this eve to say estradial too high, told me to take clexane and come back first thing tomorrow for scan.  I guess they're thinking oohss.  Hopefully tomorrow will give us answers?

Lil one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil one, oh babe,    I hope today you got some answers, scary, emotional time for you. Thinking of you xx


At fat club this week, I was chatting to another new member, and was asked really sensitively if our lack of kids was personal choice. Just for once, I didn't completely lie, said a mixture of choice and medical problems, as I'd already told her I was on a lot of meds I knew she'd assume those were the medical problems, and didn't have to elaborate on the saga of my teflon-coated uterus where nowt sticks!!! Unlike my saucepans, cake tins etc...


Hope it's been as good a weekend as poss for everyone x


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## wobs

hi ladies

Lil one...poor you.  Hope you got some answers.  Re: miscarriage - mine was 2 weeks after stopping meds.  They were just about to think about intervening as they don't like to go more than 2 weeks due to risk of infection.  take care


Hello to new ladies.  Sorry you are on here, but welcome

Sorry I am being a rubbish post'er at the moment...but am thnking of you all.

Enjoy the extra long weekend!
Wobs


----------



## rory2011

Hi ladies

How are you all on this rainy day?? I am due for my review appt in 2 weeks time, so now my brain is going into overdrive, when I was trying to ignore IVF, babies, etc. 

I am beginning to compile a list of qu's to ask (including what my LH and FSH levels are as I know she said my fsh was fine, it was the ratio to lh and fsh which was worrying as it pointed towards low quality eggs but then she said as we'd gone to blast several times then was looking good). I think we have pretty much decided that it is time to give up on my eggs and one of my qu's is going to be do they think it's my eggs or my body  which is the cause of the repeated failures. I haven't looked into de yet as was going to put that off until after review but for those of you that have done it, how have you found it?

I suppose in my head I am still holding on for a natural bfp...which is highly unlikely after 4 years of ttc and 4 failed IVF's but was wondering if I should take dhea on the off chance that it may help... really I don't know what I am thinking/doing (as you can probably tell from my ramblings).

Hope you are all ok!


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Hope everyone is well.

Lil'one - sending you hugs and hoping you are as ok as you can be at this difficult time.

seemslike4eva - hoping fat club is going well for you. I'm trying to eat healthy although this went to pot yesterday as i ate a bag of giant chocolate buttons! ummmmmm lol. Glad you knee is on the mend.

I'm really confused at the moment (doesn't take much!lol). Had scan again yesterday and have follicle growing nicely ready to pop on the left side so was told to have lots of rumpy pumpy to try and catch it on the way down.  lining was all good.Therefore thought period would arrive in about two weeks after ovulation had occurred. However also started bleeding very lightly and have terrible backache and period pain. can i ovulate and have a period at the same time? haven't had a period since 16th July just a bleed when hysteroscopy was performed on 31st July clinic said this is all normal as you can sometimes miss a period altogether. so this very very light bleed i am having at the moment is it AF? because if it is then it is the lightest thing i have every had and you would have thought it would be much heavier since no period since 16th July.  SO so confused. Anyone got any thoughts on this? 

Rach x


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## bethholm

Rach- didn't want to read and run as you posted as I was answering Rory.I always thought that you still had AF after a hysto so if you are having a light bleed,then maybe it is AF as they has removed some of the lining during the procedure?

Rory -Re DHEA- it can improve egg quality but I know that some consultants don't like you taking it (such as Serum) as it can cause ovarian cysts.

Re DE- I always thought I'd never do DE but after lots of failed cycles,miscarriages and being over 40 and financially broke, I started to consider it.We decided to do double donor (egg AND sperm) so that neither of us had a DNA connection with the baby so then it felt that we were on an equal footing with each other.Also,DH has 2 teenage children and I felt that if I just had DE,it would be another child where he had DNA connection but not me.In fact,it was DH who insisted it was DD.The 'epiphany' moment of switching to DD was after my baseline scan showed I'd only got 3 follicles!We had both said that that cycle was going to be our last using my own eggs,but when I got in the car after the scan,I realised that I had no strength to do another cycle on just 3 follies and a MC on my own eggs of 70%.My chances of becoming a mum shot up to 60-70% using younger eggs.I also worried too of how I would feel carrying a baby that wasn't genetically mine and I can honestly say that I hardly,if at all think about it.

I've done quite a bit of research on epigenetics,where your bloods and hormones completely influence the character of your baby you are carrying.I found this invaluable in deciding to move to DE.

http://www.nurture.co.za/the-tricky-subject-of-disclosure
http://www.giftovlife.com/EggDonorParents_FAQ.aspx
http://tpvedo.blogspot.co.uk/2009/07/women-who-give-birth-to-donor-egg.html
http://eggdonorsblog.giftovlife.com/epigenetics

And some of my favourite quotes:

'There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.'

and finally:

'I sometimes have glimmers of regret because I could have searched for that good egg that I am convinced is inside of me. But does it truly matter? Did I really "give something up," or have the courage and the mental health to "move on?" Was and is the glass half empty or half full? These thoughts come from my head and not my heart because I believe in God and believe God speaks through people and believe your children chose you. Therefore, God invented the process of donor egg and these were the two children I was meant to have. Being there when your children are sick, when they fall and cry, when they need you and when no else is there, is truly what parenting is all about. And they will have my sensitivity, my generosity, my sense of humor and my loving heart because they will learn it from me. I am eternally blessed and grateful.'

Clinics in the UK who offer DE cycles,are not anonymous ie your child could choose to find their DNA parent/s when they are 18.Abroad,the donor remains anonymous.Something to consider when choosing a clinic. Peny at Serum is amazing as she is superb at matching you and or DH to donor with regards to physical features and if asked,interests or characteristics.We just asked for both donors to possibly have blue eyes and to be educated in terms of higher education. Many women write lists of what interests the donor/s should have and characteristics,but we decided not to.

Let me know if you need any more advice.

B x

/links


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## Lucky Brumbar

Thank you for this post B! 
X


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## wobs

Beth - lovely post.  Thank you.  

Rory - hello.  I think as Beth says you just know when the time is right to move on to donor or stop.  Everyone is different.  For us, it is not yet - even though if you look at our signature we have had far too many goes!!  Have you looked into immunes?  I had previously had level 1s done, but never level 2s= had them done before last cycle and found a big problem.  Now I am still speaking as an immunes sceptic (!) but if you haven't looked into this may be worth reading about it - Agate has written loads in the immunes section.  Also your AMH is not that low I promise - in fact some clinics ignore AMH.  Mine is less than 1 - got 4 eggs on last cycle (with one ovary).  I know it is not many and certainly not in the teens as I was years ago. Have you looked at natural cycles - some clinics say this is good for poeple with low AMH (I personally haven't gone down this route).  I guess what i am saying it I think if you want to stick with OE don't give up hope yet, although statistically there is usually a far higher chance with DE.  I'm sorry I can't remember your treatment history but i guess you have both have chromosomes etc... tested

Rach - sorry don't know the answer, but I didn't think a hysto would stop your period - though may affect timings/heaviness.  Sounds like a period to me if it is a month since the last one.  I think you can still get follies at odd times.  Not helpful when you are trying to plan things though is it, not knowing!  grrrr...

Lil' one - hope you're doing ok

Coweyes - thanks.  It's our 2nd time at the ARGC (4th clinic though!)  I agree every clinic is different.  I feel like I am kind of on a treadmill and can't get off until we've done this last go.  We came so close last time (chemical) and just want to give it one last shot!

Hope everyone is doing ok

Wobs


----------



## coweyes

Wobs

I do know how that feels as I felt exactly like that when I found out I needed pgd. Like I had to give it one go to know I had taken it as far as I could.  I always know I would need that peace of mind to move forward if it did not work. We were lucky and it did work for us but I do know we were def at the point were we know that we wouldn't take it much further and that there was certainly a level of exceptance that it may not work!

I hope no one minds that I still post occationally and that i have put a ticker on the end of my signature? Xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies
SL4E, i love those people who feel they can ask you really personal questions, DH always tells me to just say none of your business - or words to that effect   , but i can never quite manage that   
Rory - i don't think i can add to the insight you have already been given, other than to say the clinic is so important re how you feel, you must really trust them    We feel totally looked after by our clinic (Create) who are going out of their way to help me through this little episode - no fault of theirs!
Rach - i don't quite know what to say, other than, it's worth a try to catch it on the way down   , maybe this is not AF  Did they comment on the lining - usually they say whether it's 3 layer or secretary etc?
Hi to everyone else.....  
AFM clinic visits every other day, E2 still rising which is a worry as it's now about 30,000!    Started on cetrotide last night and up'd the clexane due to this....hoping it starts to come down....i am hoping to go back to work next week but feel rotten and look 6 months pregnant - oh the irony!
Thanks again ladies for you support, means sooo much   
Lil' one


----------



## lil&#039; one

ps coweyes - love the posts and the ticker which gives me hope..........


----------



## Jules18080

Hi all sorry for lack of Petsonals but just had my 4th bfn yesterday and taken it badly. I have my follow up next Thursday and I'm lost! I wonder if I should try surrogate or even give up... I'm sure I will put myself tOgether and will be back full of support and positive vibes x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Jules, really feel for you, such a tough time


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## bethholm

Rory- definitely look into Level 2 immunes (I'm an immune lady and have quite a bit of knowledge therefore on this although nowhere as near as much as Agate knows!) You can get your level 2s tested in London with Mr Gorgy but be prepared to spend up to £1000-£1800.Personally,I wouldn't go to him (I'll PM you if you want to know why as I don't wish to post it on here) although we did get our immunes tested through him but did not in the end have immune treatment with him. Youcan have your immunes tested in Athens with Dr Economou (Longtimewaiting did this- I'm sure she wouldn't mind filling you in on how easy it was) and he costs around £400-£500 instead for the same tests... If you get the book 'Is your body baby friendly' by the pioneer of immune infertility Dr Alan Beer,then you will find out that often multiple BFNs are often down to immune related problems.In fact,if you have immune probs and don't get them treated,then you will NEVER get pregnant or sustain a pregnancy.As Wobs said, read Agate's thread on FAQ immunes under the immune investigations thread (PM me if you can't find this). Also I'd look into having a hysto in Athens as again,unless your uterus is right,you won't be successful.Athens is THE place for this procedure as they often find probs that UK clinics have missed.Again,PM me if you want to have any info on this.) I had the procedure and they found a thick layer of dead tissue in my uterus which had built up over the years.Again,unless this was removed,o would have had a greater risk of MC or implantation problems.

Jules- don't give up sweetheart-look at what I've suggested to Rory to do as this could help you too.

Lil'one- you are still in my thoughts

Cowseyes- glad you are doing well

SL4- hope you are on the road to recovery now.

Love to all.

B x


----------



## Jules18080

Thank you so much I feel like I know nithing compared to you all! On the level 2 immunes can you know get these done by dr g or in Athens? Sorry to ask you but any help would be helpful. I have read the book but can't work out where to go from here! Xxxx (ps your inbox is full so couldn't on you).

Big hugs all x


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## Rach76

Hi all.

Jules - just as beth said  'don't give up' there are still lots of other things to try. I know its hard tho, I felt the same after my 7th BFN in July until i read all about the different immunes tests and hysterscopies etc.. that i could look into and try. 

Lil'one - thinking of you.

Beth - love the quotes very inspirational.

AF is definitely here! in agony so taking lots of pain killers. Suppose thats what you get when you cycle has been 45 days long! mind you its the most period I've had for about 10 years so maybe my crap gynecologist did something right when he did my hysteroscopy. Typical though - had excellent lining, follicle growing and ready to pop on the correct side and AF happens. just my luck. Oh well. least AF is finally here which means i can go to serum earlier than expected.

A big thank you for all your help and advice on my confusion for today.

Rach x


----------



## bethholm

Jules- will empty my inbox- give me 5 mins as I'm on my iPhone! You can get all the level 2 tests done in Athens instead of with Mr G and at a third less...

Rach- my AF was much heavier after hysto so don't worry.

B x


----------



## rory2011

Thanks for the replies, Beth I have pm'd you. thanks for the quotes as well they were lovely.
Lots to think about

Jules I know how you are feeling as that is how I am feeling now. So want a baby but realising that it may not be the way that we want...not tht ivf is the way I wanted it to be.
Rach, I hope af stops being painful soon.


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hello - just wanted to say having a hysteroscopy with Serum and immune tests with Dr E in Athens (500 euros) was very easy and straightforward. We did both in one trip - please pm me if you want to know more.

I'm due to fly to Athens for tx on Friday but AF has gone missing - late and going to mess up our plans annoyingly! Fingers crossed she arrives tonight ladies!!!!

Thinking of you all always x x x


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## bethholm

LTW- will do an AF 'rain dance' for you!

Rory- will reply to your PM tomorrow sweetheart as exhausted after an hour's phone call sorting problems at work...

B x


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## Lucky Brumbar

Hi ladies!
Jules, so sorry you had to join hun! Deffo do the immunes...  In my case the came back pretty much normal so i'm still looking for a cause, but i'll keep going

Lil'one! I did two cycles at create and can't praised them enough... Ecxept that GN cancellem my 3rd tx stating my response could be better ( i had 8 growing follies!) but imo it was due to the pending x-mas closure...  I still like them though as they are really supportive... 

Well, i booked hysto flights and tx flights ( v expensve! B hell!) , fully flex just in case AF decides to play games! Hysto will be on cd 6-7 so not sure if the estrogen pill will prevent or delay ovulation, but i have to do it and cycle immediately after that! 
I'll also book to do the KIR tests with Dr.E  when i'm there, just to get this off the list as i haven't got a clue what to test anymore! I might even ask Penny to give me IL  for my slightly raised immunes , but she'll probably tell me that i'm crazy....
I'm thinking of asking her ( if we have enough embies that is) to transfer 1 of the best and one middle of the range and freeze the rest and if i flop again i'll do FET as i've never had it!    
Last time i put back 5 ( 3 best on day 3 and 2 blastos on day 5) in a double interval transfer and still nothing!!!!

God there must be a reason and a solution for my infertility! I can't just simply flop each time for no reason!!! 

Sigh.... 


Sorry for venting ladies....

Love to all

P.s Beth, glad little fighter is well! X


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello my lovelies,
Jules,  sorry to hear your news.
LTW and Brumbar   for success.
Rach, it's possible to ov while AF is around, that's why  during AF is not a reliable contraceptive, we're all hoping that it's the opposite for you, and that you might not need Serum.
Lil One, hoping your E2 levels are stabilising, and that all will soon be resolved.
Coweyes, keep dropping in, and be proud of your ticker, you deserve it.
hello there Wobs! Nice to see you.
Rory, hope you soon find a solution that's comfortable for you, it is difficult knowing which avenue to explore next.
Beth, glad you're staying with us hun
AFM, had a lovely time in Eastborne, felt quite at home as nearly everyone was >90 and walking with sticks   . Had a routine rheumatology appt today, and saw the top banana, I usually try to dodge her cos of the IF stuff, and sure enough we had the conversation I'd been dreading. She feels that I need to think really carefully about another cycle as my clotting disorder has become so unstable, pregnancy would pose a major threat to my health. So glad that the clinic was running late, & DH had gone back to the car, if he'd been in there it would defo be game over. To her credit, doc did say she would fight my case if I considered adoption to prove I am well enough to parent. Getting close to quitting, but gotta give it one last shot. There's a chance my condition could go into remission in pregnancy, but doc feels I should take this major bleed with my knee as a warning of what may happen - last summer I had the opposite probs, ended up in hospital with cerebal vasculitis cos my blood was too thick - not good either. We'll see.


----------



## longtimewaiting

SL4E - sounds like a tough appt, glad you're still going for one last shot.  

Brumbar - great to get flights booked! 

Beth - the dance worked! I'd like to see that when I'm back! 

AF arrived as soon as I got to Heathrow and stopped stressing! So in Athens now and hoping for the best - will be on Serum thread for a while now, will still be reading here too. 

Love to you all x x x 

Sorry not many personals, on phone x


----------



## lil&#039; one

evening ladies  

Ltw - all the best, are you having hystero this time or a cycle?  We were in athens earlier last year, really great city but mad, hope you enjoy the change of scene too.... 

Sl4e - what a lot of data to proces.s.....it's hard when you know you're risking things, but for a dream.....this little episode has proven how fragile my health is too, but still going to do what it takes, sounds like your cons is really supportive  

Brumbar - what's your time scale for tx? I   Penny can find answers for you  , the unknown is the hardest thing to deal with

Rory & Beth - how are things feeling today? Ups and downs?  

Beth - hope you're ok  

Rach - bodies are crazy aren't they, at least you are one step closer, have you had a telephone consult with Serum?

Afm had a scan and bloods today, scan showed slightly less swollen ovaries but still fluid on them and in adbo, liver enzymes still high, abdo swelling ongoing......apparently if it gets too uncomfortable may need to be admitted, hoping things will move in opposite dirèction, back to work monday.  Praying hard for things to turn around....sounds a bit like ohss to me?

Have a good weekend, ladies

Lil one x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi 'lil one - sounds very like ohss, hope you get better quickly, such a difficult time for you. We're here for tx, did the hysto in June. We like it here, just getting used to the heat! Thank you to you and SL4E for your good luck wishes xxxx


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## Rach76

Hi all.

longtimewaiting - glad af arrived. best of luck with your cycle at serum. 

lil'one - glad you are ok.  sounds like ohss to me too. Having a phone consult with serum when they open again next week hopefully. sound you be going back to work monday?

brumbur - glad you are all sorted for serum. Maybe a silly question but how do you book flexi flights?  was just wondering as never been abroad for treatment before and my af never comes on time. 

Anyone - what are the level 2 immune tests? i've had some done but not sure if they were level 1, 2 ect...

Well i'm back to work on monday which i am not looking forwards to.  I find it really hard focussing on work and all this ttc at the same time especially when cycling. ( I work in a very challenging secondary aschool as head of faculty) but apart form that i'm ok. just trying to plan trip to serum now for when af arrives in september.

Rach x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Thank you Rach. Agate's immunes file tells you everything you need to know but basically level 1s don't cost much, my GP did mine, and levels 2s cost lots, 500 euros with Dr E in Athens and more with Dr G in London. If you haven't paid lots you've probably only had level 1s xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Another new month.....
Lil One, hoping you're a little better and your ovaries have calmed down.
LTW, looks like you've sent some sunshine our way, thank you!
Beth, and the other teachers here, hope the new term isn't too stressful. I have a friend who is expecting 4 autistic children in her new intake, with only 1 TA allocated to her. I have toyed with the idea of re-training as a Teaching Assistant...but the more I hear, the less inclined I am.
I phoned my rheumie's sec today, most of my bloods OK but TSH has increased a lot in the last 12 months, still within normal range, but above the ideal 1.0 for IVF. Going to up the dose of thyroxine, then tell my GP once it's a 'fait accompli'.
Messing around online yesterday with my sis-in-law we saw Travelodge in Barcelona has rooms for 20EU per night in october half term - so we booked a family room, for us, her daughter & MIL. It's one of my fav cities, and looking forward to it.    my PPI claim comes through to pay for the flights, lol.
Hope everyone is doing OK, just typical that the sun should shine on a monday when it's back to work & school. Except I only work tuesdays


----------



## frazermic

Hi
I am new to this room but finding it hard to fit in other rooms, I tested today and BFN AGAIN FET , Im gtting really fed up. Ive had clomid and ov induction on NHS and got fed up with waiting list so went private. We did egg share as i get a good number of eggs good qulaity. My share we make good embroys aways to blasts when transfered but never stick, As private and doing egg share apart from paid FET i feel they dont look into why your body is not accepting them, We also pay for ICSI as DH swimmers are a bit slow and low. 
I know they want me to share again as no more snow babies left but i know i want to try a different clinic who will look into why they dont stick. I think it me as everything else is text book till that stage. Also i know for sure when sharing that the one other couple out of 3 has had a baby i was told by accident as didnt want to know till i had a baby of my own.
Really confused any advice or information would be great.Thanks
x


----------



## coweyes

frazermic


So so sorry to hear of your bfn.


Have you tried The Lister?  I had a brief stint with them and found them to be amazing.  I was excepted for egg share but during the tests they found out that i had a choromazone problem so obviously was not allowed to share.  They deal with immune testing as well.  I found them very flexible and open to new ideas.  They also do a brilliant egg sharing system, i was really sad when i could not stay with them.  xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hi Frazermic

Sorry you had to join hun!   defo worth checking your immunes and if you have MF issues, DNA fragmentation for the swimmers! 
It is a very good sign that one of the 3 couples has had a baby, means your eggies are OK! 
Immunes are expensive in the UK, level 1 can be done by your GP if he/she is willing to help, but level 2 need to be done privately. check out agate's immunes FAQ thread ( link in her siggy) and take it from there.

Hugs hun
Xxx

Hope you ard all ok lovely ladies! 

AFM,  i'm all set now for my successful try  PMA right!!!!
Penny confirmed hysto on the 15th is Ok! On the 14th i'm seeing Dr.E for the new KIR test, and if it comes back as lacking all 3 receptors , Penny can treat me with neuprogen... It sounds like she's warming up to it!  I'll cycle straight after the hysto with my new implantation cuts for my forever baby/babies to snuggle!


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Rach, when you go to the EJ website you can choose the dates you think  you need to go, then click search and get your results. On the results page you can switch between Normal fare and Flexi Fare.  Flexi allows you to make unlimited number of  changes provided that the new date of travel is no earlier than one week prior or 3 weeks later than the original date... 
Hope this makes sense..
Xxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. 

Sorry i've been a bit quiet lately ...... this 'going back to work' has killed me in. lol.

seemslike4ever - the holiday sounds like a fantastic idea.

Hi frazermic - the ladies are lovely on here so i know you will get all the support and help you need. 

thanks brumbar for the flight information. i'll check it all out. I think the whole flexi flight thing is a good idea as my AF never arrives on time. It was one of the things I was worried about when arranging ivf abroad so feel a bit better with it all now.  Glad you are all sorted for Penny and sending you all positive vibes for it to be your turn this time x What is the new KIR test?

Well i've been back to work now for three days. two of the days were teacher inset days but the kids were in today and already had to deal with one 14 yr old calling a teacher in my department a B*T*H. Oh the joys!!! I swear when i have kids (if that ever happens) they will respect people.
I need a holiday already!

Rach x x


----------



## bethholm

Rach- our lot aren't back until next Monday due to a new build- school is wonderfully quiet...

B x


----------



## LoopyMoo

Frazermic - So sorry you've had another BFN.  Such a kick in the teeth each time hey?   

Hello to all you lovely ladies... 

Afm, well I'm currently on day 31 of DR, yes 31!!!  I had my baseline last week and although bloods were fine, lining was 11.6!!!  There was much scratching of heads from all in the room (there was a few, no idea who they all were).  After, they'd had a chat, it was decided that I was becoming unresponsive to the Synarel so I've been doing Buserelin for the past 6 days and yippee have had a heavy bleed so   that when I go for 2nd baseline, my lining will be thin enough to start Progynova.  Truly fed up now.... it's really dragging on...


----------



## Rach76

Beth - You know I love being a teacher when the kids ain't there! So jealous your's don't go back til monday. 
Hi Loopymoo - wishing you the best of luck with the baseline scan, hold in there. I'm sure it will be fine. 

Hi to all the other lovely ladies out there. 

afm - work is hell. But hay ho thats life. soooooo need a different career. Part form that not much going on. DP working nights tonight so am enjoying the peace and quiet with my furbabies (cats) the lovely missie and munchie x

Rach


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello everyone,
welcome Frazermic, sorry you've had to go through another BFN. Well done to you for being an egg donor,    that you'll find the right clinic with the right programme to make your own dream come true.
Ladies in Athens, hope all is progressing to plan.
LoopyMoo, lovely to see you again hun, crossing everything for you.
Rach, I quite agree that any kids of ours will be well behaved too.
Beth, that's a nice return to work for you! 
I lost 1.5 lbs @ fat club, the success must have gone to my head cos at hydro today I trotted out of the changing room with my skirt tucked right up in my knickers


----------



## longtimewaiting

SL4E, that made me giggle! 

Just popping in to say thank you Beth for all you messages of support and for the Asda prices. Ps your inbox is full again! x x x 

Been jabbing myself with huge needle in bum and other more manageable looking ones in tummy and hoping for good news at scan tomo. Took off to island of Agistri for couple of nights so just feels like being on holiday at the moment! 

Love to all and welcome to Frazermic - really tough time for you - and fingers crossed for you Loopymoo x x x 

Rach - are you planning an Athens trip? Just seen you posts about flights. Hope you are x x x


----------



## bethholm

LTW- oops- inbox slightly emptier!

X


----------



## Jules18080

Hi all

Sorry for lack of personals I've been following you all!!! So I've now got the go ahead for round 5 and down reg starts next Friday ahhhhhh!

Xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning ladies  

Jules - good luck with the down regging  

Ltw - hope the scan went ok yesterday?  

Sl4e - great work with the weight loss which is such a struggle with this business....your knicker story made me  , I have done things like that too

Loopymoo - hope the most recent scan showed what you need, the down regging is so tedious, and i tend to go totally   too, hopefully you're not

Rach - hope works ok, when are you cycling at serum?

Hi to beth, hi to all you lovely ladies, hope you are enjoying the sunshine.

Afm feel like we are turning a corner, my ohss bloods almost normal now.  Just on clexane for a bit longer, and having mc/af now which is pretty horrid but glad it's almost over.

We have a tortuous nephew's first bday today with my intensely irritating family.  My mum phoned last night in her usual martyrish style and was mortally offended when I told her I actually wasn't feeling amazing.  She's got through her whole life but sulking her way to what she wants, I am just not willing to pander to her, so there may well be a falling out.  Frankly it would be fine with me just to get rid of the elephant in the room......we will see.

Lil one


----------



## longtimewaiting

Oh lil one, glad you've turned a corner but still horrible time for you and no support from your mum! Thinking of you. My scan went much better than I expected, 10 follies, have been feeling very overwhelmed and tearful but pulling myself together a but today. Next scan due Mon. Finding current cycle threads a bit too full of positivity, feeling good about it all but with that history of 8 failures I'm not one for getting excited. You ladies here are the best and most understanding, no other thread like it. Love you all x x x


----------



## frazermic

Hi
Thanks for the warm welcomes, Well started my AF yesterday evening no wonder I felt sorry for my self yesterday thinking what can I say or show for my life. Mind you it felt like a long time from ending medication and for bleed to start. All other times was within 24hrs of stopping medication.
Well I'm going to look into immues and then get level 2 done so maybe in the future I be asking about Athens as that seems to be the place to go.
Well i hope you are enjoying the weather . I'm of to start a stock pile got my coupons at the ready for Tesco's  and list where I can use the coupons combining special offers. lol

Enjoy the weekend

x


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. Hope you are all doing ok.

Jules - the best of luck with number 5.

Frazermic - Glad you are feeling a little bit better about everything. I hate the time between end of meds and af you feel like the world is falling down around you - hormones all over the place and all. 

Ltw -glad those overies are playing ball. I have my fingers crossed for you x

Lil'one - glad your body is getting back to normal. Hold in there my love. And sorry your mum isn't much help. Thats all you need at a time like this x

seemslike4ever - well done for all the weight lost. How do you do it? i try and diet every week but don't seem to be loosing anything.

afm just trying to get my head back round working. Last week was a nightmere with all the kids trying to push it on the first day back.  Also getting Athens all sort. Spoke to Penny and am planning to go there just after next period for another hysteroscopy and consultation with her. Thinking of getting immunes level 2 done at the same time. Just waiting for af to come which should be in about two weeks time. The plan it to cycle with her the month after hystero (hopefully) Fingers crossed.

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Good morning ladies!
Lil One, so glad your body is settling down. hope you're feeling Ok after the birthday, and upset with your mum. 
Jules, back on the rollercoaster,    
Rach, hope the kids are a bit more settled this week so that you can concentrate on the important stuff like Athens!
frazermic, did you have fun at Tesco? I went and used my coupons at sainsbury's this week, getting cake decorations for my niece's birthday cake.
LTW, still    that the cycle continues to go well.
I'm going to slimming world, it's cheaper than WW, and has worked for me in the past. I need the ritual humiliation of the public weigh-in to keep me on track   . I fell off the wagon big-time yesterday as I am seeing my knee consultant today, and needed some wine and chocolate cos I'm stressed about that. Plus a pg announcement from someone who truly doesn't deserve it - young, single, psychotic, 1 child in care already.  I'm feeling (unusually) low at the moment, but i will snap out if it, I'm sure.
lots of love to everyone, both those posting and those who are quiet at the moment and just reading, you're all in my thoughts x


----------



## lil&#039; one

ladies.........just to say there is a wowcher deal for a central (i think) Athens hotel today, just in case anyone would want to have it for a serum trip.
hope you're all ok
Lil one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hope everyone is doing Ok....
DH has got to have hand surgery 2moro cos silly sod severed a tendon in his thumb chopping down a shrub. Follow-up appt on my knee was a complete farce, seen by a nurse practitioner who obviously had no clue about my history, apparently my MRI showed a torn meniscus which the surgeon didn't repair?, and that I'm on the road to bilateral knee replacements. So not a good week for us.
I'm    that there is good news/nice happenings in each of your worlds


----------



## utb

Hey Ladies just wondering if I could join you was supposed to be starting my 6th cycle today but it got cancelled as I have a cyst so I have been put back a month.

I am on my local board but just looking at chatting to other ladies too as my board is getting really quiet these days.

As you will see from my signature we managed to get a BFP at the start of the year but that ended in MC my AF prior to this was regular as clock work to the point where I could time it to the second but since the D & C I am going from between 24 and 29 days which is a pain as my DH travels alot with his job so its hard to pin him down for his bit.

Anyway hope you dont mind me posting.

x x x x


----------



## rory2011

Hi ladies

Hope you are all doing ok. Welcome utb and sounds like a crappy week for you sl4e...hope next week is much better.

Afm, we had our review on weds and now I am after a bit of advice. We talked about immune testing which clinic suggested but doesn't do. I emailed care and Argc who they suggested but they replied back saying they only do testing if cycling with them...anyone used anyone else who let them have tests but not cycle with them? I have been looking at agates file and it looks like you can go direct to some of the labs (unless I have read that completely wrong). If anyone has had immunes done can you let me know a bit about how you did it if you didn't cycle with them. 

The other thing we talked about was surrogacy which dh and I had discussed as it sounds like they think it's more my bod than my eggs...in fact they said donor would be the last thing they would suggest.

Any thoughts gratefully received. Xx


----------



## coweyes

You can have immune testing and treatment at the lister with a guy called mr thum, but you don't have to cycle with them. The only thing they ask is that the climic toy are having tressmt with knows. I had mine tressmt at the lister but icsi pgd at guys hospital. Xx


----------



## utb

Thanks for the welcome x

Rory not sure what tests you are looking have have done I had various tests done through my GP thyroid function full blood clotting and a number of others I will dog a list out tomorrow and post it you may have had them but they could be something on them.

x x x x


----------



## bethholm

Rory- Dr Economou in Athens is around 500€ for level 2 tests which cost around £1500 ish with Mr G on Wimpole St. Personally, I'd go to Dr Economou in a heartbeat but sadly went with the latter which cost (& hurt) more...

PM me if you need any info as I'm an immune lady!

B x


----------



## utb

Rory not sure if you have had any of these tests.

All the ones beloe my GP has agreed to do are as follows: -

Full blood clotting screening
Thyroid Function Test
Proloctin (think thats what it says)
Antimulleriam Hormone
Thyroid peroxidase antibodies

Day 2 tests which are: -

Audrogen index
Sex homone binding globulin
Total testoerone

The other ones I have had done that we have had to pay for were chromosone test is £150 each, sperm DNA which was £250, Natural Killer cells was around £470 I also had an endmoetrial scratch before my last treatment think that cost about £200.

My friend from the other board has had the Hidden C test done through serum in Greece I think she said that costs about €90.

You may have already had the above done I am not that clued up on immunes but hope this list may be of some help.  For the ones I had done free I had to get my clinic to send a letter to my GP which wasnt a problem.

Seemslike4eva hope the op goes well today.

x x x x


----------



## Ceecee

Hi ladies
I'm new to this group, and my profile doesn't show half of what we've been through (but i don't know how to edit it). We've been through the mill including so many abandoned cycles due to unexplained bleeding and planned FET's where no embryos survived the thaw, also BFN's. We've eventually got through another short protocol cycle, i was due to test on Sunday, but started my period today 
I'm now 42 (joined this years ago but haven't been active) and am losing hope I'll ever be e mom. Suppose I'm just looking for some support. Hope you can help. xx


----------



## rory2011

Thanks utb and Beth

I have had a lot o f the tests already suggested but now it's the specialist ones. I think Athens sounds like a plan... Did you just email and get bloods done? Luckily I can do my dh's as take blood as part of my job and will ask someone at work to do my others.

Welcome ceecee, so sorry to hear about your bfn. I hope we can be of support to you xx


----------



## bethholm

Hi Rory- you contact Dr Economou through Serum.Longtimewaiting went through him and I'm sure she wouldn't mind maybe answering any questions.

B x


----------



## rory2011

Thanks I think that's my job for the weekend then. 
How are you Beth? Have you had ur 20 week scan yet and do you know what you're having?


----------



## longtimewaiting

Rory - I'd recommend the infections tests with serum for 170 euros (we did these by post) and level 2 immunes with Dr E in Athens for 500 euros. I'm in Athens and on phone so can't give to contact details but think you will find them in Agates Serum file. You may be able to do Level 2s by post but would need to check with Dr E. 

We tested positive for infections so decided to come here for hysteroscopy and saw Dr E at same time. It was all easy to arrange - Greece is very laid back and friendly. 

I believe Penny at Serum will treat you for infections/immunes while you have your ivf elsewhere but you will need to check with her. 

LTW xxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Oh and hello to everyone else! We are currently monitoring progress on 6 embies at Serum and waiting to see if ET will be day 3 (tomo) or day 5. Feeling good but also aware the last hurdle is the hardest, keeping everything crossed x x x 

Love to you all x x x


----------



## rory2011

Thanks ltw
Good luck for et...whenever it is xx


----------



## bethholm

Peny does immunes even if you are not cycling with her.

LTW- will PM you later sweetheart.

B x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hellos chickies! 

LTW! Go embies!!!! 

I'm in Athens atm, hysto for me tomorrow, but off for a quick dinner first!  I had  a meeting with dr.E to do the KIR test... He can test via blood or siliva!!! I just had the saliva one!  
Results next tuesday! 
X


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, Hope everyone is good.

Brumbar - best of luck with the hystero. 

Beth - hope the pg is going well.

longtimewaiting - go embies! x

welcome to all the newbies.

Well nearly managed to get through the second week of work. Was getting use to the foul kids and being run off my feet until I got the cold from hell. So thought sod this and stayed at home friday. This was a very good plan as i seem to be feeling worse! So sat at home yesterday trying to plan Athens. For those of you who have been - what hotels did you stay in and like the best? I know there are lots of suggestions on Agate's file but just wondered personally which ones you liked best. Also, is there anything else I should think of having done whilst I'm out there that is cheaper than uk? I'm have another hystero, immune tests (apart from NK one as i have had that one already) hidden c test and sperm fragmentation. But wondered if there was anything else. 
Rach x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Thank you for your support ladies x 

Rach - we're in an apartment now but stayed in central hotel in plaka area when came for hysto/tests with view of acropolis from our room! Beth's recommendation and it was lovely, especially the rooftop bar. You really only need to be close to the clinic when doing tx and the metro is very quick and easy to get around. When you say hidden c do you mean the full set of tests including other infections? We did full set for 170 euros and got positive on hidden c and another infection so I'd recommend going for the full set. I think you can just do hidden c for 100 euros. 

Good luck x x x


----------



## bethholm

Rach-Definitely the Central Hotel in Plaka which is in the old quarter of Athens at the foot of the Acropolis and has loads of lovely places to eat too.When I was on my own out there,I stayed in the Hotel President.The breakfast was superb (although I couldn't eat a lot of it as I was on my gluten free diet) but the evening meals were expensive. Hope you survive the term- I'm already counting the days until half term!

LTW- is ET now Mon?Please have acupuncture- the chap who does it is the anaesthetist and is so lovely.He's one of
the most thorough acupuncturists I know.Will PM you later.Still in bed as I worked until 7.40 last night with my private lessons after work in an attempt to rake back some of the £52,000 we've spent getting this far before he (yes,team blue!) is born.

Brumbar- thinking of you today!One of my close friends flies out today to cycle and the KIR test has shown she's missing the receptors so she's thrilled. Hope all goes well.

Love to all of you wonderful strong ladies.

Off to brave supermarket hell soon,on a Saturday too!

B x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Just a quickie ladies! 
Beth, thank you hun! Xx
Hysto was ok, uterus fine, no scar tissue but the sodding infections are still lurking!!!! So cuts and mild d&C for me, and i'm now on way to Penny's for  protocol and druggies! 
Did the KIR test yesterday at Dr.E -  saliva test for me(!!!!) some do blood! But  penny said most ladies are misding the KIRs so She is willing to do the injections but not the washes, as when she first tried them lots of ladies sufferd MCs, so i'm likely to get HCG wash and boosters , extra clexane and steroids and neuprogen! So bring it on

Also, she confirmed my last tx was a chemical... Which i suppose is good in a wired way! She said no way booster will last til day 13,14... Hey ho,  this time they'll stick! 

Love to all
Xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Afternoon ladies

Ltw - have you had et or is it still to come? Thinking of you  

Rach - good decision to stay home, you absolutely have to look after yourself   I used to struggle in however i was feeling, but what do you get back, eh.

Brumbar - good news re the hystero, sounds like you have a plan for next time, too  

Beth - supermarket on Saturday is too crazy    well done you

Ceecee - I am so sorry you have been through it and find yourself here, this is a really supportive place to be, full of ladies who know how it really is......tough sometimes  

Welcome utb  

Afm had my follow up yesterday.  They told us no one has ever had the experience we did, and that my body needs a break as my estrogen went to 36,000 and liver still may not be right yet  .  We were hoping to cycle again in november, but they say it's too soon, need to wait another month which'll make it december, and xmas cycling is too hard with work....so it'll be january.  I know it's just a couple of months, but dh is especially aware of age, although he's the fittest 45 year old I know  

Going out for dinner tonight, so i guess at least I can have lots of rare steak and red wine....would give it up in a heart beat.

Still having a nightmare with my family....oh the joys...

Hope you're ok ladies

Lil one x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi everyone - quick update, ET and acupuncture yesterday, now for the hardest hurdle, please let one stick and grow. Everything crossed x x x 

Love to you all x x x


----------



## bethholm

LTW-sending you oodles of sticky vibes-thrilled (& relieved!) you had acupuncture too. Hope to catch up with you over a cuppa when you return home.

B xxxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Thanks Beth - have emailed you xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Thinking of you LTW


----------



## wobs

Ltw keeping everything crossed for you


Lil one glad you have a plan. Sorry for evything youve been through.
  Hope everyone else ok
Afm just started our final cycle eeeek

  To those who need it 
Wobs


----------



## longtimewaiting

Thank you lil one and wobs. Tons of luck wobs, let us know how you get on x x x


----------



## Fizzwizz

Hi Ladies,

First day back at work today after a lovely holiday so feeling miserable, plus on ******** two friends announced their pregnancies. Not a great start. 

I have a scan later this morning to see if I can start a medicated FET so really need to pull myself together. I was feeling very alone until I came on here and read some of the 'blurb' at the bottoms of your posts,  it makes me feel better to know other people are suffering too - wow that sounds awful out loud! I guess what I mean is in my real life I don't know a sinlge person who can't fall pregnant instantly on demand and reading the stories on here makes me feel less of a failure.

Anyway, just wanted to say thank you.

Fizzwizz.


----------



## rory2011

Fizz whizz welcome. Hope your scan means you can start your fet . I always find that there are loads of pregnancy announcements around treatment time. It is hard to deal with at times. I am happy for my friends that they don't have to go through what I'm going through but at the same time wish that I could get pregnant that easily. 

Ltw...fx for you. 
Good luck wobs.

Well I have emailed penny and dr e re. Immune testing, just waiting for a reply now. I feel as though we need to do this to decide on next action. 

Hello to everyone else xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all hope everyone is ok.

Ltw - keepiing everything crossed for you.

best of luck to you too wobs

hi fizzwizz, beth and rory

I'm having a nightmere of a day - just so emotional. bursted into tears on DP tonight and just feel so sad and down. still got a bit of a cold but went to work anyway. Don't know whats wrong with me. oh well thats life i guess.

Rach x


----------



## rory2011

Rach this ivf does get to you and when you're not well it makes things 10 times worse. Hope you feel better soon xx

Just a quick qu..has anyone ever posted bloods directly to dr e for testing in Greece? If so how did you go about doing it? I'm not sure if it's easier to fly there instead of doing it over here then courier.


----------



## bethholm

I've sent bloods to Athens before but you could email the wonderful staff at Serum and ask them if it's possible to send bloods for immunes.I think some of the bloods,if it's the ones I had taken here and posted to Chicago for testing needed to be received within 48hrs so maybe it's best to go and see Dr Economou.

AFM- in hospital after being admitted in the early hours of Sunday due to complications but all is well thank God.

Much much love to you all.

B x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Phew! Beth ... Keeping everything x-ed hun

Xxxx


----------



## rory2011

Thanks Beth, hope all is well with you xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Right ladies, i appear to be missing the KIR genes... So neuprogen it is for me.... 

Beth hope you and baby are well... X


----------



## pinkpixie

beth hope u are ok


----------



## longtimewaiting

Congratulations Pinkpixie! Read your signature and hope you and baby Noah are doing well. 

Beth - thinking of you and hope to catch up when I get home. 

Love to all xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

wow, it's been busy round here.
Huge welcome to the newbies, I've met some lovely peeps on this thread, and hopefully you'll feel comfortable here too.
Pinkpixie - congratulations on the birth of baby Noah 
LTW,     for these last few days that it's all good.
Wobs,    for your cycle too
Beth, sorry to see you've had to be admitted,    for you and the lil fella.
Rory and Brumbar, lets hope that these results are the final jigsaw pieces for you, and there's good news ahead.
AFM, mega busy week, had to go to a school fete last week and same child's b'day party this weekend - good job I love her! Starting a year-long course in church ministry soon, one night a week plus a residential and some saturdays. DH's op went well, thank God, and he had a review yesterday, team pleased with the needlework and so far good movement. All he wanted was the plaster off so he could drive!!!
Sending lots of     to all of you xx


----------



## rory2011

Hi ladies

Hope you are all ok. I think we have decided to go to Athens for immune testing....seems easier to go there as doesn't look as though can send temp sensitive samples(according to FedEx)...so it is much cheaper to go there instead of dr gorgi or crgw and we get a little break too. 

Do any of you know long I would have to wait for an appointment? I am just filling in my form for serum and will email dr e about seeing him. I think this is the right decision as don't feel I am ready to give up and go for surrogacy yet! Just hope they find something now.

Oh yes, another qu, my if unit said they didn't think it was worth going for a hysteroscopy as they don't think it's a womb prob and is more likely an immune if its any cause. I think I am still a bit apprehensive about trying again without getting it checked out...what are your thoughts?

Thanks and hope you have a lovely weekend


----------



## bethholm

Rory- I don't think you have to wait for long to see Dr E.Let me know if you want any advice/info on where to stay,best restaurants/cafes and how to get from the airport etc. Re hysto- personally I'd still get it done as lots of women have had the all clear from the procedure done in the UK only to find that there was a problem after all when they had it done in Greece.If I was getting to the point of considering other options such as donor, surrogate etc I would make sure that prior to this I'd covered EVERY base! That way I would have no,'What ifs...?'

AFM- spent a wonderful few hours with Winegum.Now chilling out on the sofa with lamb shanks in the oven.

Love to all you wonderful ladies.

Bxxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, Hope you are all ok. Just a quick question - what sort of travel/medical insurance do i need to have for having treatment abroad. Can anyone offer some suggestions as what the best to get is. Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach, i have just taken normal insurance and prayed hard that I didn't need it!!! If you're going to Greece, though, in the current climate, it's probably wise to take a very comprehensive policy even though the Serum team is very competent. I've seen on other threads that there are companies which do IVF abroad policies.
We've taken the plunge, and sold the house - knocked on the neighbour's door and asked if he still wanted to buy... waiting to see if our offer is accepted on a smaller nearby property which will leave us mortgage -free and a little spare for tx. Feeling rather nervous now, haven't told our lodger yet, but it's all happened in 48 hours. 
Happy rainy Monday everyone xxxxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Wow, what an easy sell SL4E! All sounds good. 

Rach - we used ivf travel shield, felt reassuring having specific cover for us but I know many people dont bother. 

Hi to everyone x x x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

LTW     we hear good news from you soon!
It was a very quick house sale....and they batted us down 10k, but we're saving on estate agent fees, and needed to act fast to secure the house we viewed. Just hope it's not going to be a case of 'repent at leisure..'
How's everyone doing?


----------



## longtimewaiting

BFP!!!    

Phew! 

Mortgage free has to be good SL4E x x x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Woohoo LTW, thrilled for you! Fantastic start to the day, another one of Team Vet is on track xx


----------



## wobs

Yeah LTW!!!!!     
Fantastic news

Wobs


----------



## Rach76

Thanks fantastic news. Congrates LTW x x


----------



## bethholm

Another 'back of the net' for Peny at Serum and also hopefully rubbing my bump for good luck last night helped a little bit too!

Ladies- I know I'm terribly biased but I can honestly say if you have multiple BFNs (and sadly we do on here) and complex fertility problems,then Serum is THE clinic for you and Peny truly is one of the kindest and caring consultants  I've come across in 4 years TTC.You feel and more importantly,you are in safe hands.She deals with complex fertility issues and pioneers the latest in fertility treatment.I seriously can't rate the clinic and its human approach enough.

Love to you all

B xxxx


----------



## coweyes

OMg thats amazing so so so happy for you.


I think sometimes ladies get stuck in a bit of a rut with one clinic, if that makes seance!!  I know my case is very unusual due to having a genetic condition as well as fertility issues.  But if i had staid with my local clinic it is very very unlikely that i would have ever had a successful pregnancy.  I honestly thought that my clinic was really good, but it was ladies on ff who pointed out that they were not very pioneering.  It was my 3rd clinic who finally gave me a successful cycle.


xx


----------



## rory2011

Congrats ltw!


----------



## lil&#039; one

LTW so happy for yo  
Hi everyone else
All quiet here
Lil one


----------



## longtimewaiting

Thank you so much ladies - keep the faith - it can work eventually! Wobs - hope all is going well for you too x x x


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, Hoping everyone is all ok. Well, booked in for consultation with penny on wednesday and hystero on thursday. Just trying to get everything sorted. Scared i might forget to do something. Rach x


----------



## JBox

Sorry to butt in - I know most of u don't know me - I was v v v active on thi thread for a long time and sort of took a back seat when I fell pg (lo now 8 months and adorable) I just wanted to say a big big congrats to LTW - fantastic news!
X
Btw Beth how u doing?


----------



## Michimoo

Congratulation LTW that's amazing news. 

I was torn between Serum & ARGC. & have chosen ARGC due to work & convenience. Although not paricually convenient as i don't live in London but more so than Greece as unfortunately i have no holiday entitlement left after my other failed attempts this year.   I just hope I've made the right decision although I'm currently on humira to bring my cytokines down. So keeping everything crossed this has worked so I can start again soon as I feel like I'm going  

M
xxxxxxxxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Good luck Rach - let us know how you get on. Try not to worry, everything in Greece is very easy x x x 

Hello JBox and thank you! Lovely to hear from you - 8 months, what alovely age! Remember you well, your posts were very helpful to me in terribly difficult times x x x

Thank you Michimoo. Hope you get the go ahead soon and best of luck x x x

Love to all the amazing veterans x x x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Just stopping to say hi ladies! Hope you are well! 
Rach, you'll be fine chick..   
Ltw 
I've managed to source puregon from ASDA on a Serum prescription ... Much cheaper... And every little helps! 
Waiting for AF next week and i'll be all set to go... Just need to chose a clinic for baseline so i can send the info to Penny! 
X


----------



## longtimewaiting

Doctor finally called with my second lot of blood results; hcg 194 (from 74) and progesterone 21.8 nmol (down from 25.6 but been on gestone for 2 days since bloods). Happy with that! Roll on week 7 and our first scan! Xxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, Am all packed and ready to go. DP is loving the fact that weather is ment to be good in athens. Typical man - don't worry about me just think about the weather! LTW glad all is going good for you x Your story gives me so much hope. Hi to all the other ladies out there. Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Greetings girlies!
LTW, glad your bloods are going along OK.
Rach, safe journey and lots of luck!
Brumbar, all the best for your rollercoaster ride too.
JBox,   
Lil One, are you fully fit again? Hope so x
Michimoo, hope your immunes have settled down enough for you to carry on with your plans.
I had a weekend in London with my niece, and tasted Hummingbird cupcakes for the 1st time. Thank goodness I don't weigh in again til friday!
Love to everyone xx


----------



## wobs

LTW - glad all going well. Such lovely news.

Hi Jbox - great to hear from you.  Sounds like you are having a lovely time

Michimoo - don't know where you are based but did you know ARGC are opening 2 satelites?? Tring & Oxford? Not sure when though - around now I think.  I did the humira thing too and unfortunately had to do 2 lots....it didn't change my levels, but they say it stays in your system.  Interestingly this time didn't take it (too soon after last time) but also went gluten free and whether it was that or intripalids but my tnfa levels were just inside normal at the start of my cycle...I really don't understand all this immunes stuff!  Good luck to you anyway.  You may find the paper system a bit chaotic, but I wish we had gone to the ARGC years ago - for a girl with 1 ovary and AMH under 1 a year ago, amazed they just got 7 eggs with me.

AFM - well the lovely 2ww now....Not holding out much hope but trying to be positive.  Ho hum....

Hi to everyone else.

Wobs


----------



## longtimewaiting

Keeping everything crossed wobs xxxx

Hi SL4E and Rach. Love to all xxxx


----------



## bethholm

JBox- your inbox is full!So sorry I haven't replied- it was really rude of me and I'm so sorry.I am now back at work but so rushed off my feet doing 2 jobs,it's ridiculous!Will promise to email a longer PM over the weekend.


B xxxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Wobs, keeping everything crossed hun, hope you're not going too crazy.
Beth, I know you stuck to a gluten-free diet while TTC, do you still adhere to it? I keep forgetting to ask my rheumatologist about it, I know it's linked to both Hashimotos and Sjogrens, but my immune bloods had been so stable that they were thinking of reducing one of my meds. GP useless on subject.
LTW, hope all is well.
Girls in Athens .... if you find any sunshine, please send some back to us!!!! I'm not a sun-worshipper by any means but  didn't want to be wearing winter woolies just yet.
Correct me if I misunderstood the news over the last few months? Housing market in crisis? Difficult to sell property? We were 'gazumped' on the property we'd had offer accepted on, and finding it really difficult to find another cos the flippin estate agents never respond to our calls or emails, and if they do, they never get back with appts to view. We will be cash buyers too, very frustrating. There's a lovely house going up for auction next week, but I don't think we'd be able to make the immediate % downpayment, or if our buyers are close to completion. I can see us having to beg them to let us stay as tenants!
Have a wonderful weekend everyone xxx


----------



## rory2011

Sl4e how awful about house. Hope you find another good one soon. 

Just a quick qu as I'm sure you ladies can help....I have sent my menstrual sample to Athens and have just got the details how to pay....any idea if cheaper to pay via bank or PayPal? I'm sure there's probably not much in it...but wondered how you guys had paid if you'd done it.

Hello to everyone elseXx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi ladies 

SL4E - bad news on the house, keep calling and calling estate agents, get your name known and eventually they become helpful! I used to buy houses for a job and you really have to nag at them!

Rory - PayPal was cheaper for us as our bank charged £9 just because it was in euros! 

Xxxxx


----------



## rory2011

Thanks for that. Will get on and pay them 
Xx


----------



## May-be

Hello everyone!
I've never posted here before. 
Just had another BFN and decided that I can't try again without knowing what's wrong with me. 
7 transfers (ISCIs and FET) always BFN, took Humira twice, ILs, IVIG, steroids etc.
I can say it is RIF but still don't know why. 
I've seen somebody suggesting KIR test and G-csf tx.
Does anyone know where to do it and how much it costs? 
Mx


----------



## bethholm

May-be- so sorry to hear your news.Have you ever had a hysterscopy as many ladies have one (especially in Athens) & a necrotic layer or problems are found and corrected & have gone on to get a BFP.PM me if you want any info on this.

Seemslike4ever- crappy news re house!Im still off gluten and I'm drinking diluted pomegranate juice to lower my TNF alphas (TH1:TH2) & Peny says to continue with this for the entire pregnancy.I miss gluten more than wines but have to see the bigger picture!

B x


----------



## May-be

Bethholm, thanks. Yes, I had 5 hystos up to date, septum removed, residual septum removed and also some scar tissues. Aquascan confirmed all good but still no result


----------



## bethholm

May-be- Dr Economou in Athens is currently looking into missing receptors (3 of them) which can explain either multiple failed IVFs or MCs.It's a simple blood test and if you have the 3 receptors missing,then he prescribes a protocol.I know a few people who have had the test and have found they have these receptors missing.Agate will have further information on it.I am keeping everything crossed that this is your missing jigsaw piece.

B xxxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, Hope everyone is ok.

Well got back from Athens yesterday. Saw the lovely penny and she is as lovely as everyone says she is.  Had hysto and i have a massive infection so just waiting for bloods to come back before penny can prescribe me loads and loads of antibiotics. Penny seems confident that she will be able to get rid of it tho so I'm feeling positive about that. Was quite emotional when i saw her after the hysto, not sure if it was because of the medication or just due to the fact that at last someone after 6 years was telling me what the problem was. Can't believe i had a hysto in uk only in July and they said nothing about the infection which was sooooo obvious even to me and penny thinks it has been there for a good long time. You know i hate this country's medical system, am annoyed and frustrated that I've been through 7 lots of ivf - all that emotional heart ache and money i didn't have! (just a small rant! - hope you guys don't mind) Oh well onwards and upwards. If i had know serum was there years ago i would have bypassed treatment in the uk and gone there straight away. So all in all a good trip. loved being in the city, was relaxed having a mini holiday at the same time.  The hospital where i had the hysto reception looked like a posh hotel. Made our hospitals look like they were in a third world country! so the plan is to get rid of this infection and then do a cycle over there hopefully end of November. Our only problems were - walking around the Greek supermarket for an hour wondering where the food was until we found the stairs down to the next level! this was very funny.  nearly getting run over everytime we crossed a road! they are mad drivers, having to pay extra for overloaded suitcase (my fault - shopped too much!) and DP getting food poisoning so bad the doctors in uk tried to admit him to hospital when we got back - he refused to go!  but i would say this was all about normal as there always seems to be one drama or another when me and DP do anything! lol x Love to you all x x


----------



## May-be

Bethholm, thank you. I'll be going to Athens soon so definitely will get appointment with Dr Economou. I think I've seen his details in Agate's file. 
I hope Penny is open to his suggestions as I'm ready to try anything at this stage. 
mx


----------



## bethholm

May-be- great that you have a plan!

Rach- so so glad you listened and went to Peny- told you that often the UK clinics don't somehow pick up on problems even during hystos but Athens do... Big hugs sweetheart.That's the first trip over now and next time it'll be much easier.

B xxx


----------



## Rach76

Thanks Beth for all your help. You were so right. Feel very happy about going back to athens now as well. Have sussed the city out and feel confident about being there by myself. It is easy. Actually got use to it so much even in a few days its strange not hearing people talk greek in uk! lol Glad everything is going well for you too and take care at work. I know what its like when they work you too hard thinking teachers are invisible! Rach x x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello to May-Be   
Welcome home Rach, glad it was a successful trip, until you got home with a poorly partner- hope he's on the mend now though.
Actually got some house viewings today! One we like but vendor won't budge on price, have trawled through Rightmove again, and requested lots more viewings, fingers crossed. Hate being in limbo, it's difficult make any decisions about tests/treatment etc til this is sorted. Just seem to be so busy at the mo, that I'm too exhausted to get upset about the IF. One positive, last weekend I got to cuddle my close friend's DD miracle, and was genuinely happy for her & her DH.


----------



## Rach76

Morning!

SL4E - Hope the house viewing went well yesterday and you have found something you like. 

Hi LTW, brumbar, Petie One, Beth and all the other lovely ladies out there.

Am hoping someone might be able to help me with the following question........... So am doing a OE cycle with serum hopefully end of November so not next period, the one after that. Now i really want to go to Athens for a day 1 scan so Penny can really check out my ovaries and sort out a good protocol for me especially as it is the first time I have cycled with her. However at the moment my ovaries and my period are not in sync with each other. They have not been since my last hysteo in July done in the UK. For example when i had a scan last mouth i was ovulating but then my period came the next day. When Penny looked at my ovaries last week she told me my ovaries were a week behind in relation to my bleeds. So how do I judge when my day one is going to be in order to be in Athens for this time? Normally you would base this on ovulation however as my ovulation is out of sync I can't use this to predict. Now my last cycle was 30 days but one before that 45 days so I'm in a bit of a state with how i am going to know and be over in Athens for day 1. Please somebody help! 

Rach x


----------



## jennyes2011

Hi everyone,
Currently suffering a chemical pregnancy (yet to be confirmed but hope is extremely small) - it is our Fourth transfer, and our first ever BFP. We are utterly devastated to have lost it. 
Our plans next are to do our FET (maybe in a few months), then we are off to Serum. Have already been in email contact with Penny who has outlined what she would do if we cycled there, and have had hidden-C and ureaplasma infections cleared via serum, and she sounds fantastic. Feel a little let down by the NHS - current clinic is great but our last clinic was terrible 
Just felt that I needed to join you all as it feels more lonely the more negatives you get 
Jenny x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Rach - great news you were pleased with how things went in Athens. I'm so pleased for you. I'm afraid I don't know what to suggest with how to plan your baseline scan in Athens - what does Penny suggest?

Good luck with the house hunting SL4E   

Hi to Beth and welcome May-be and Jennyes2011. Sorry you find yourselves here ladies - lots of good advice and support here. Everyone here has been through a hell of a lot x x x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Welcome Jennyes, sorry that you find yourself here, but we know what it's like....
Beth, how fab to see that you've reached the point of viability,    for you regularly still. I'm such a carb queen, I haven't psyched myself up to think about trying gluten free. Sod's law, I also loathe pomegranate juice. Like you say, though, it's the end goal that matters.

No new house yet.....looking into have a small mortgage, 10 -15k, to increase our choices, and our treatment budget   . We're not fussy, don't want Buckingham palace but can't face another renovation job! Some numpty driving fast at night with no lights took the drivers mirror off the car last night when DH was on his way to work, sped away before he could get the number. Not good.
Sure I heard on the radio that it's something like '75 sleeps til Xmas', eek!
Have a good day peeps xx


----------



## pinkpixie

just wanted to say congrats to longtimewaiting
xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Thanks Pinkpixie - hope things are going well with baby Noah x 

Thanks for the Christmas reminder SL4E - think I might start a bit of Christmas shopping while I'm off work and before it gets crazily busy!

Wobs - thinking of you.

x x x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

LTW - just saw your scan news in your signature, that's wonderful xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Thank you SL4E, it was lovely to see yesterday. Wishing with all hope all the veterans get there one day x x x


----------



## wobs

LTW - lovely news on your signature re: your scan.  Well done!  

Hi Jenny and May-be - sorry to 'see' you on here.

SL4E - hope you find a house soon; sounds like a nightmare!!!  I've been gluten free for 4-5 months now and I genuinely feel better for it.  It isn't that hard once you get started (promise!), you just have to be organised and take snacks out with you etc... (well only if you are like me and constantly grazing!!!).  I don't know whether it was the gluten free or intralipids but my tnfa levels came down to just about normal (didn't change high NKcells but didn't expect it to).  

AFM well sad, but not unexpected news.  We had a good crop of eggs for me, and good fertilisation but sadly a negative outcome again.  I think after 8 fresh ivfs we are through.  Or at least we should be!!!  At the moment I feel relieved that they'll be no more jabbing etc... and all the things i have denied myself (like sugar for months!) I can now do.  I can start exercising again etc....  We are both v v sad, but we've always known with our bunch of problems it's a long shot.  I know there are other clinics out there that could give us fresh hope but we have spent soooooo much money and I think we need to stop.  Never say never, but for now we will be focusing on other things.  I'll probably post on here a while longer and then slink off!  You've all been such a support to me when I needed you and I genuinely think for most people you will get there in the end with your treatment but sadly for us the odds were stacked against us.  Sorry to bring a down note to the board and I really hope you all achieve your dreams some day.

Wobs


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Wobs my love, so, so sorry xx
Think we may have agreed on a house, aim to move by early December...


----------



## pinkpixie

wobs


----------



## longtimewaiting

Wobs - I'm so very sorry. I've pm-ed you


----------



## bethholm

Wobs- my lovely- sending you big big northern hugs. We are here for you.

B xxxxx


----------



## Rach76

Big hugs being send to wobs x x x x thinking about you x


----------



## JBox

Wobs I am so so so sorry that its ended like this for you. U are always so positive and even now, u r being so. 
Good luck for whatever u decided to do now.
BIG hugs x


----------



## Holly82

Hi 

Just wondering if i could join you girls?   x

I have had 2x cycles of IVF -BFN and 3x cycles of FET - Chemical, i also started third cycle of IVF but it was cancelled. 

Just wondering where to go from here? is there any info anyone can give me, maybe Dr Gorgy for immunes, i have thought about surrogacy but i'm not ready to give up just yet even though the thought of going through another cycle terrifies me. 

Holly x


----------



## rory2011

Wobs so sorry to hear your news  

Holly welcome. I am looking into immunes at the moment, have decided to go to Athens as cheaper than dr gorgi and we can get a little much needed break too! I feel I need to look into immunes before moving on to surrogacy which is an option our clinic suggested. Just don't feel ready to give up on my body yet. 

Agate has a very thorough guide to immunes....you can find it under the immune thread.

Hello to all the other ladies


----------



## waikiki

Huge hugs Wobs     

I am so sorry that it hasn't worked out for you hun, you deserve so much better.  You have made a very brave decision and I   that you and DH will be able to live life to the full once you have the stress of IF behind you.  I understand your decision to 'slink off' but please know that you will always be welcome here and we will always be interested to hear your news.

Take care,

waikiki xx


----------



## Nordickat

A few more     from me too Wobs. Thinking of you lots and catch up properly next week when you've had some time out.

Waikiki   . Catch up with you next week too, I'm just a bit stressed out.

 to everyone else, Katxxx


----------



## nclarkson

Afternoon Ladies

I wonder if you would mind if I joined your thread?

I have recently been a member of the 'having treatment at Leeds thread' but am again in-between treatment after my 4th BFN     .

We have been ttc for 5 years now and right from the beginning have had to use DE due to me having no ovaries, or tubes, left because of my endo.

We have been lucky in having found a wonderful donor last year who, from a fresh cycle earlier this year, gave us the opportunity to have a fresh go with 1 blast and then 2 more frozen goes with 3 further blasts.

Unfortunately each cycle has ended in a BFN, with not even a sniff of implantation.

After our recent latest follow up and having had our immunes level 1 done, all came back clear, we had been prescribed steroids this time to use for our next cycle along with clexane and asprin so were very hopeful that this next cycle could be our lucky one.

Unfortunately due to personal circumstances we have, this week, lost our donor    We are absolutely heartbroken and think we will now have to go on the waiting list at Leeds so just not sure how long we will be on there now.

I have been reading your thread as you obviously will all be able to relate to all the BFN's that we have gotten and I now feel at rock bottom. I feel that somebody has totally taken all the wind out of me and I just don't know how or where to start again from here.

I would really like to join a community that support each other and help each other through the bad times and hope you don't mind if I join the thread?

Hope to catch up with all your stories shortly.

Love and Babydust to all 

Nicky xx


----------



## wobs

Thanks for all your thoughts ladies
Wobs


----------



## julesbfd

Hi nicky
My first ost on this thread,I too am with leeds.
Is there a reason youu are still cycling at leeds? It seems to me that once ladies have had their free go with them,they all move on to other clinics and do not stay at leeds.
There are other clinics where you wouuldnt have to wait long for de where I imagine at leeds,it is quuite a wait.
I have read lots abouut ladies going to athens and czexh for de with hardly any wait who think the clinic and staff are fantastic and a muuch better exerience.
I personally haven't had problems with leeds,apart from keeping youu waiting at appts and being set in what they do,saying that they have agreed for my next go to do steroids,clexane,injec rogesterone,aspirin,altho they didn't suuggest,I had to push,a lot of clinics do this as standard.

Forgive the spelling on my phone

Jules


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Welcome Holly, Nicky and Jules, hope you'll soon feel at home among us.

Great to see Waikiki, JBox and Kat dropping in too   
Rory, the fact that tx abroad involves a holiday is how I've justified the expense to DH and the few people who know what we're up to.
Wobs, more   , and if we were meeting in person these would be accompanied by wine & chocolate too. 
DH decided to buy himself a push bike today...best deal was at Toys R Us. Of course the bikes were right next to all the nursery stuff. At the moment I'm swinging wildly between 'I'll be pregnant by Christmas' to 'Why bother? It'll never happen', not helped by our spur-of-the moment decision to move house and the fact that I've started a course at college, plus trying to fit in a trip to Barcelona at half term   
Wonder if tonight's the night for our lotto numbers? If only ....


----------



## nclarkson

Hi Ladies
Thank you for the welcome  .
Jules - I remember you from the Leeds thread, nice to 'see' you again. I am still with Leeds as we are currently on our 3rd and final free go (frosties were included with the fresh cycles) so didn't see any point in moving clinics. I think after speaking with the donor nurse last week she was suggesting 6 months after Xmas so realistically it's not that long to wait, I just need to have more patience  !! To be honest I feel like you and have had no problems with Leeds at all and have found them to be lovely and helpful throughout. I feel like part of the furniture now as I have been there that many times!! I'm hoping that now they have okayed the clexane and steroids that next time will be our time. Here's hoping anyway  . 
Are you cycling with them at the moment or waiting to start? That is good that you have also been given the go ahead for steroids and clexane - fingers x for your BFP.
Seemslike4eva - How did you do on those lottery numbers  ? You sound like me - My thoughts seem to swing from those daily!! Although I am now trying to 'forget' (as much as you can) about treatment until the new year and try to be 'normal'.
This thread seems very lovely, like you say, and I think it's just what I need at the moment. I feel like I have dealt with all my tx feelings alone so far and sometimes really feel like I need to get things out. Although we all go through it with our DP's/DH's, they just don't go through it the same as us do they and I just don't think that they understand how we feel at all.
Hope everybody had a nice weekend? 
Lots of love n hugs to all  , Nicky xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, Hoping you are all good and well.

Hi Nclarkson, Julesbfd, Beth and all the other lovely ladies out there x x x

seemslike4eva - hows DH doing with his new bike? He been out on it much yet? all it seems to do is rain in southampton.

Hope you are feeling ok wobs. 

LTW hoping all is still going well for you x xx 

Well I'm a bit up and down at the moment. Still waiting for my results from menstrual blood test via serum - it's been 10 days now and i know i just need to be patient but it is sooooo hard as I'm wanting to do a OE cycle with them the end of November and obviously need to kill the infection thats in there with antibiotics before we start. I know this is a bit tight but its the only time me and DP can get time off work otherwise we will have to wait a good few months. So i feel in 'limbo' land at the moment - just wanna get on with it! So fed up with all this waiting been waiting for six years to have a family and just wanna try as much as possible. Just keep thinking it is never gonna happen as everytime we make one step forwards we seem to take too steps back. Anyway thanks for listening to me moan. Just having one of those days. Rach x


----------



## bethholm

Jules and Nclarkson- have you considered Serum for DE?It all depends I guess whether you ladies want you child to eventually trace it's biological/DNA donor or not.In the UK, they can when they are 18 but in Athens, the donor/s are anonymous and cannot be traced.Serum is much much cheaper than the UK and Peny is absolutely wonderful at matching you up with a donor in terms of appearance and characteristics (even though epigentics play a huge part.) Moreover,she looks after and cares for her donors too.Please PM me if you need any more information on this. I would also seriously stress you need to have a hysto in Athens to check that your uterus is tickety boo.Most of the ladies I know who have been for this have got a BFP.Also get your level 2 immunes done with Dr Economou in Athens.

Rach- hang on in there. I know how frustrating it is waiting to cycle but you know that everything needs to be sorted first or else your are throwing money away. I'm sure your results will come soon. Thinking of you.

Love to all the remarkable ladies on here.

B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Well, not posting this from a beach in Barbados cos numbers didn't come up, quelle surprise!
Hubby's bike still in cellophane waiting to be assembled, if past history is anything to go by it will be assembled, ridden twice, then listed on Ebay....
NK biopsy booked for next monday.
Rach, I went to uni (first degree) in Southampton, happy memories of the place. I'm with you and Nicky on the feeling impatient, for me I think it's the fact that I've just turned 44, and am near the end of my 'natural' reproductive era, as I don't want too many raised eyebrows if i am lucky enough to announce a pregnancy.
Lots of love to everyone, it's so great to have you all there xxx


----------



## rory2011

Rach hope you get the results of your menstrual sample soon. I am waiting (Im) patiently  for mine too. Although mine only turned up in Athens on Friday so it will be a while yet. 

I know what you all mean about being in limbo....I was hoping to try and go to Athens before Xmas to get immunes done but it is looking less likely now...perhaps I just just focus on next year now. Doesn't help that I have hardly any annual leave left till end of march. It will happen when it's the right time ( or as I keep telling myself)!! 

Welcome nclarkson and jules.


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, thanks for all your comments. It's so nice to be able to talk to people who are going through the same as you x x Finally got my results and one of the tests came back positive so me and DP need to take a course of antibiotics for the next 25 days. Have the prescription now just need to work out how to get the medication. Suggestions anyone? 

seemslike4ever - really hoping your DH gets on that bike. My DP bought an exercise bike a year ago now and has only been on it once! keep asking him to move it out of the kitchen but he swears he is going to use it soon! driving me mad! lol.

Work is driving me mad. Can't believe the way teenagers speak to teachers - ****** and blinding all the time. They all need a good sorting out.

Looking forwards to the weekend as having a bit of a girly manicure x

Rach x


----------



## bethholm

Hi Rach- great news that they've found something and that it can be treated.It could also explain why it hasn't worked yet which is THE best news.Re your meds, you could ask your GP if they would prescribe them on the NHS (worth a shot!) or a UK pharmacy would prescribe it to you at a cost as it is an EC prescription.Fertility2U are also very good as is Rigcharm in London.Both are very efficient in posting out meds too. I completely agree with you with regards to teenagers and children as a whole in teaching as I teach too,although I'm currently banned from work as we have chicken pox and lot of nasty bugs in school! Just a week or so to half term!

Love to you all.

B xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach, depending what has come back positive, try your local sexual health clinic - as they usually dispense the meds free. Of course, you run the risk probably of meeting half your pupils in there.... I'm not a frequent visitor to these places, but did work in one for a while   
Does anyone know if Dr E in Athens can do the immunes by post?? Also is there an alternative to azithromycin & doxy for hidden C?  I'm fairly confident that I wouldn't test positive, but am allergic to both of those drugs. 
progress on the bike front - it's been assembled!
Rory, I'm quite tied up until Christmas too, and have several dates when I MUST be in Brum; 13 was always one of my mum's lucky numbers, so maybe for us it will be 2013.
Beth, hope you're resting up during your unexpected leave! Are you having to work right up to 34 weeks, or able to stop sooner?
Lots of    everyone x


----------



## bethholm

Seemslike4ever- loved the comment about Rach meeting her pupils at the STD clinic.I always felt that my KS3 pupils had a more active sex life than I had during IF treatment!My HT currently wants me off until maternity ie due date but unless my GP puts something un pregnancy related on the sick note,I'd have to take maternity leave a month before I was planning to which I definitely do not want to do.As soon as I go to no pay,I'm back in work (4 months) as it's cost us £52,000 to get as far as this and we are broke so I want to optimize on as much time after with it as possible. My GP was reluctant to sign me off for this long so I'm caught between my HT and GP...

B xxx


----------



## julesbfd

Hi ladies

I have just read back but forgotten who asked about the drugs for hidden C that they have had done through Athens (Serum).
On Agates thread, there are some pharmacists who will take an emailed prescription, I rang them and they were between £70-£85.
I posted about a pharmacist in Glasgow where I got my Azithromycin and Doxycycline from and he only charged £25 and takes emailed prescriptions.
If you have the hard copy of the prescription from Serum, you can go to any chemist, under £13 for the drugs from Superdrug, I was impatient and didn't want to wait for the original to come so used the harmacist in Glasgow.
I had posted on the serum thread the pharmacist but cannot find it at the moment, just had a look on the drugs packaging, it is the Park Road Pharmacy, Glasgow, 01413395979, I have to say he is a lovely man and was a pleasure to deal with.

Hope it helps
Jules x


----------



## Rach76

Hi Julesbfd, that was me. many thanks for the information I will phone glasgow in the morning.  thank you for your help Rach x


----------



## Rach76

Beth - funny you should mention STI clinic's as i went there last week to get the normal tests for free so i would not have to pay for them when we cycle next and i did have that awful thought when i was sitting in the waiting room thinking 'Sh*t' how many kids am i going to meet in here!!! Phew luckily it wasn't any! but i can tell you it was a stressful hour. lol x Keep resting up as that baby needs to cook nicely


----------



## nclarkson

Hi Ladies
Bethholm - Have definitely thought about Serum, and have even been in contact with Penny to ask various questions re tx, but until we have used our last free go, which will be this next one, hubby refuses to do anything else    I guess it does make sense but when you know there are better places out there that get better results it's just so hard, and no matter how I explain it to him he just won't be budge. I am just trying to be patient now and wait our next turn, and hoping against hope that go number 5 with the steroids and everything else thrown at it will be all it needs.  
Seemslike4ever - know what you mean about the feeling impatient and age thing. I keep thinking to myself, god knows how old I will be when I eventually become a mummy! And besides that, surely my insides are not getting any younger either!!  
Rory2011 - I tell myself that also, it will happen when it's supposed to, but then I keep thinking why are they making me wait, what have I done that is so wrong It makes me so mad when you hear of these stories daily about how people mistreat children and when you see people mistreating them and then there are ladies like us that can't have them! The world is just all wrong!  
Rach76 - sorry can't help with your prescription question. Good news on finding something and getting treated though, hopefully that's all you need now to get your BFP!   
Hope everybody else is well?
I am having a rough day today. We have two ladies come in who are on mat leave with their little ones and it just brings everything home again   
Hope everybody has a lovely weekend and hope this sun stays    
Love to all, Nicky XX


----------



## rory2011

Hi ladies, I am. So pleased to hear today that one of my tests has come back saying that I have hidden c! Just waiting to hear from penny about prescription. So thanks jules, info about pharmacy has come just in time! 

I will write more soon...just so pleased to hear that finally something could be the cause of our if! Hve also made the decision to look into going to Athens in jan instead of trying to squeeze in before Xmas. A least I feel as though I will be doing something productive in the meantime with then antibiotics!

Have a lovely Friday evening!


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Nicky, must be a man thing cos mine wouldn't do anything til we'd used up our free NHS tx. For us, it was 3 x IUI, or 1 x IVF. We went for the IUIs cos there was no indication (then!) of any problem with me....
Rory, winter is best time for the C antibiotics, cos they make your skin hypersensitive to sun, saying that, this year wouldn't have been a problem in the summer. Looking at calendar, it will be much more sensible to wait until Jan for us too.
Beth, there is always the term 'debility' to be put on a sick note....I've had it on mine in the past so that I didn't have depression down on my file, and other friends have too, it's nicely non-specific!
Wobs,   thinking of you
Rach, hope you don't get too many side effects from your ABs, but it will be worth it.
Jules   
LTW & Coweyes, hope all is Ok with you and your precious cargos,
Lots of love to everyone, especially our old friends who just read but don't post very often - you're not forgotten   , and if anyone is lurking but not confident enough to post yet, hello.
Maybe this weekend I'll start packing for the house move, or maybe not!


----------



## Rach76

Well first day of antibiotics completed and what a nightmere that was! chronic stomach ache and very dodgy bowls for two hours in the morning, dizziness all day and then up all night again with dodgy stomach and the worst sick feeling ever! No feel very very drained. (Sorry for TMI) And only another 24 days to go. I know it will be worth it all in the end but so worried about being like this and working next week. I can't just stop teaching my class and go to the toilet every half an hour. Suggestions anyone? It's a 'challenging' school as it is - the kids will start killing each other if i'm not in the room and for health and safety reasons they are not allowed to be left alone. Rach x


----------



## bethholm

Rach- double check with Peny or Agate re side effects.Hopefully they will slow down and eventually stop over the next few days.Know what you mean re leaving a class on it's own; I couldn't even leave mine with a supply teacher...

B xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Are you on doxy? If so, are you taking it with food? If this doesn't work, try taking a omepazole( sp)? 
Sorry for short msg, but in athens atm! Egg Collection tomorrow!!! 
Love to all 
B.


----------



## Rach76

Hi Beth and Brumbar

Brumbar - I'm on Azithro and Erythrocin. Yesterday was the Azithro day and I took the omeprazde as well. Had food too (toast) as I know someone mentioned no dairy. All the best with egg colection, let us know how things go x x x

Beth - gonna check with Agate about side effects. the instructions with the pills say these are side effects although the list is so long i think it has everything on it! 

Rach x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

I think no diary is only for doxy. Otherwise i've been doing it wrong! Oopps! i've been having yoghurt for breakfast for months. I'm currently on erytho and i'm feeling ok, but i've had antibiotics pretty much throughout the year! You name it, i've had it!   Perhaps it was just the azytro that made you feel sick! Hope it gets better! X

Not feeling very positive this cycle but going ahead with it... I just can't even start to imagine it will ever work for me!
Will post tomorrow after the EC, not expecting much as my left ovary is being stubborn and only has 2-3 follies on it. 
I'm on Neuprogen this time  ( started 2 days ago) so i might need to do a WBC count tomorrow or the day after to check what's going on.

Love to all 
X


----------



## rory2011

Good luck brumbar.
Rach, I'm not looking forward to the antibiotics. i am waiting to hear from penny about what I need to take. Did you get yours from Glasgow in the end.

SL4E, I looked into sending my bloods to dr e but fedex couldn't send the one at -6oC, so we have decided to go there in jan instead. I found a lab in brum that would process but can't find anyone to post them.

Hello to everyone else, hope you've had a good weekend.


----------



## Rach76

Hi Brumbar, keep positive my love - got my fingers crossed for you x

Rory - DP got them from somewhere in the end - not sure where! by the time i told him about Glasgow he had already ordered them so they cost us £100 in the end which i feel was a small fortune for what they are.  

Hi to all the other lovely ladies out there x x x x

Rach x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

AsDa accept Serum prescriptions as it is an EU Prescription- i even got my puregon etc from them, so worth trying! 
Thank you for your lovely wishes ladies- means a lot! 
X


----------



## bethholm

Brumbar- thinking of you out in Athens and keeping everything crossed my lovely.

B xxxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Thanks Beth
Edit: we got 12 eggies, lets hope we get a good fertilization  and a sticky baby....


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Brumbar   for those eggies to turn into embies xxx
Off for NK biopsy later...


----------



## Nordickat

Take some probiotic tablets, or Even just probiotic yoghurt With the antiBs.
Katxxx


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## Rach76

Brumbar - Thats great - a really good number. fingers crossed for you x

SL4E - all the best with the NK biopsy later x

Hi to all the other ladies out there. 

Well first day of second lot of anti's and these were soooo much better, Work was fine - didn't need to make any quick dashes and even the kids were ok today. (They must be having an off day). DP was ok on meds too although thought he would lay it on thick so he could have light duties at work for a while (he drives a crane in southampton's docks) Typical man!!! 

Rach x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Glad to hear you are better Rach! 
I had the azitro 1g today and it was not pleasant!brrrrr 
SL4E- hope biopsy wasn't too painful! 
Love to all
X


----------



## seemedlike4eva

NK biopsy was a breeze! Didn't feel a thing...
Lovely consultant, TV scan showed healthy endometrium - as usual- as I've been on pred for years, they don't expect to find anything, but said it was worth doing the 'scratch' to help implantation. If there is a problem, they'll treat me, then repeat the biopsy before I go for another cycle. Asked about immunes - this is a recurrent m/c & implantation failure clinic - he didn't feel at this stage it was necessary to do any more than pred + clexane, but progesterone right through pregnancy.
Love to everyone xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

All sounds good SL4E, glad things are moving forward for you. How is the knee recovering?

Loads of luck brumbar x 

Rach - I took the big dose of azitro before going to bed so I slept through the worst of it. Maybe worth a try? And like Kat said I took probiotic pills at lunchtime - need to take them at a different time to the antibiotics. It did get easier over time too - think your body must get used to it. 

Rory - good luck when you start yours.

Love to all x x x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Not great news i'm afraid
We have 6 embies, but my eggs showed signs of endo so Penny doesn't have high hopes! 
Oh well


----------



## bethholm

Brumbar- thinking of you.Remember miracles can happen-my friend only got 1 poor quality embie to transfer and the consultant didn't really give her much hope.That embie is now a very active 4 year old girl.You are in my prayers  .

B xxxx


----------



## Rach76

SL4E - so glad biopsy went well.
LTW - just seem your signiture - glad everything is cooking nicely x
Brumbar - thinking of you loads with both fingers and toes crossed x 
Hi Beth x

Well i'm all ok for the moment just feeling a bit strange and really tired on these second lot of anti's - but i can cope with that. Means i can work ok and there are only three days til half term. Yay!!! Gonna try those probiotic pills you all keep mentioning to stop my stomach going nuts when i have to swap anti's at the weekend. Just sorting out herbs from John Bowen. Anyone else taken these before? Do you think they help ? 

Hi to all the other lovely ladies out there 
Rach x x


----------



## bethholm

Rach- I took the vitality herbs from John Bowen and bought my cordyceps from the UK.I've heard great things about using both plus I'm a firm believer in Chinese medicine and acupuncture.

B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

LTW, so glad it's all good with you, still having physio on my knee, but much better thanks. I can now get legs 'into position'  
Brumbar,     for those embies. re Asda for meds, do you just turn up at the supermarket pharmacy counter? Asda is closer than fertility2u for me to get to. Gonna be fun stood talking about IVF drugs next to the fruit n veg!
Rach, glad to hear that your tummy has settled a bit. I remember someone from another board who took the magic mushroomy things, and her baby will be 1 soon.
Beth, Kat   
It's half term here this week, very confusing cos my nieces and nephew go to schools outside Brum, and they're off next week. Had to postpone trip to Barcelona, but MIL is paying for a trip to Eastborne for her, me, SIL & niece next week.


----------



## Rach76

Ok ladies - am serching the net for probiotic pills and there are loads of different types ranging from £6 to £46 any surgestions as which ones i should be getting and where to get them from. Rach x x


----------



## bethholm

Rach- sorry can't help on that front.

SL4- I got one lot of meds for a cycle from Asda and I phoned them up before I went in to give them the 'heads up' so to speak.Menopur I think was cheaper at fertility2u.I have a price list I drew up for myself in March and also for LTW in September so let me know if you want me to PM it to you.

Bx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

I just got to the pharmacy counter at ASDA and told them i need to get the meds, they looked at the script for a while, i told them that it is a EU prescription and that i have checked  with their sales department and they are  accepting EU scrpts. I have an email from their head office sent to another FF member in case you need it... Just let me know and I'll send it to you.
They dispensed all druggies at cost

Beth, thanks for the inspiring story hun, i just didn't see the "egg" thing coming so it was like a lightning from clear skies! 
Penny said I either take the lot on day 3 otherwise i may end up with nothing - she  said she's not transferring a day 5 embryo unless its perfect.
I don't know what to do but we'll see how they are doing tomorrow! X

Rach, dont know  much about probiotics hun ... I  got mine from holland and Barrett.


----------



## bethholm

Brumbar- unexpected shocks during a cycle are hard to deal with on top of everything else going on.What I learnt during all of my cycles was to never depend on a certainty eg number of eggs,fertilisation rate etc.I'd always had 5 or more eggs on all of my cycles but on one cycle due to a mix up with my meds by the clinic,they only retrieved one egg and also I'd always thought my egg quality was great until one cycle,I produced the worst egg quality ever (due to a certain consultant failing to tell me not to cycle for at least 4 months after taking humira in order to ovulate out my damaged eggs).All these were huge blows at the time so I can empathise. Hang on in there my lovely - on that one crappy cycle mentioned, I got my first BFP so you have to keep the faith. Thinking of you.

B xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Lol, i know who that consultant is!  
Thanks again Beth hun ! 
I wasn't really expecting much to be honest but having had good eggs and embies in the past  kind of  made me think i'll get something decent
The cycle with 20 follies, 4 eggs, 2 mature and just 1 embie was easier than this blow 
Last time i even managed a double interval transfer with own eggs and my second best batch of embryos made it to blasts so this was hard to take!  I still don't know what they'll look like tomorrow, but if the good ones from last time didn't implant then what  chance do i stand with these! Yeah i mnow i am on neuprogen now but still... I suppose i should stop whinging ....  

Love to all and sorry about the rant...


----------



## bethholm

Rant away- that's what we are here for on here.

B xxxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Feeling better today... And the embryos look better - grade 1-  and all 6 are stick kicking.  still, I don't have high hopes at all but i feel better  
X


----------



## bethholm

Grade 1 is great!Still keeping everything crossed for you my lovely.

B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Thank you ladies for the heads up re Asda, that's really helpful.
Beth, I'll only need progynova and uterogestan, my GP has to prescribe me clexane & prednisolone cos I'm on them routinely, but if those are on the list I'd love a copy thanks, then I can calculate!
Brumbar, glad you're feeling more together today, and    for success. We all invest so much emotionally in each round, every blow feels like a hammer on the head, and offload all you want xxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. 

Brumbar , I'm really pleased your embies are doing good. Grade 1's is great. I know it's really hard but try not to worry. Just remember you are on lots of medication which makes you feel crappy on top of everything else. Just keep thinking it's the med's , it's the med's. And in 6 weeks time when i am in your position remind me of what i said to you because i will be all over the place.   keeping everything crossed for you. x x x 

as for me...... 2 days til half term!!!!!!! Not that i'm counting or anything.


----------



## rory2011

Brum bar glad you're feeling better. Having ivf completely messes with your head on a day to day basis. Good to hear that you have grade 1 embies and they're still going well.

Afm I'm in limbo land. Hoping to decide and book flights for Athens for jan, so that we can get the immunes tested. Waiting to start the dreaded antib's as well. Will start next week as we're away at this weekend. Hoping that next year will be the year that we finally get our bfp and baby!


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Aaah Rory hun , waiting is a killer! But you are doing the right thing  

This is a quick one as i've got to go,  so here it is: 
Just back from Serum, i was gearing up for a day3 transfer and Penny came downstairs and sent me home... To her surprise the little buggers are doing well! Lets hope they continue to flourish and we get  a blasto! She genuinely looked shocked ... I bet they have inherited my stubbornness!  

Please ladies send sticky lucky baby dust as i need it more than ever! 

Love to all
X


----------



## Rach76

Thats great Brumbar - sending loads of luck and hugs your way x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

, blown some bubbles too...deffo something in the air here, in 12 hours I was shown a scan photo, and a baby was born, so hoping whatever it is comes your way too xx


----------



## bethholm

Brumbar- blown you some bubbles too and here is some fairy dust as well   

B xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Thank you so much lovely ladies!!!!!
Xxxx


----------



## coweyes

Brumbar

Thats so so so great, that really is      

Hi everyone else, hope your all well. xx


----------



## rory2011

Great news brum bar.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

All the bubbles you sent  did the trick! We have 3 blasties onboard! I still can't believe it! X
Thank you so much for the well wishes! X


----------



## rory2011

Congrats on being pupo brumbar . Wishing That you get your bfp xx


----------



## Rach76

thats is fantastic brumbar x so pleased for you x fingers crossed x 

Rach x


----------



## Michimoo

Hi Ladies,

I posted on this thread a few months ago but have been reading all your posts ever since. Been a bit of a stalker.  
I'm about to start another attempt of Ivf now at the ARGC. We are throwing everything at this and I am waiting for AF to start so I can begin treatment. But I had a bit of a meltdown last night. I feel like this is it! 

Not sure how many more failures I can go through. Both emotionally & physically and I'm petrified of being put under general anethestic as I have such low blood pressure & struggle to come round. To say I'm scared about this attempt is an understatement. I am so positive and tough on the outside to everyone but inside I'm a total mess. I just feel I need to put the brave face on all the time to keep everyone else going. Let's just say I'm the shoulder everyone turns to with their problems & i keep everyone going and I'm really screaming inside.

Sorry for the "me" rant.

But I know you guys understand.

M
Xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Brumbar, whoop, whoop!     
Michimoo,  - I'm seen by the rest of the world as someone to lean on, even when I'm dying inside, totally identify with you saying that. I'm lucky enough to be Ok with anaesthetic though.  .  I'm gearing up for another round, too, which DH insists will be the last. We're here to walk alongside you xx


----------



## bethholm

Brumbar- fab news!!!!!Well done you.

Michimoo- we are all here for you- this is what makes this thread so special.xxx

B xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Rant away michimoo....  We are here for you hun! Xxxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Michimoo - we all understand. Take lots of care of yourself and I hope with all hope ARGC will do the trick for you x x x 

Great news Brumbar x x x 

Rach - from ages ago, the more expensive probiotics are the most effective, I've gone for £25 ones x x x


----------



## Mrs. Mish

Hello Everyone,

I've been lurking on this thread for a while. Had my last BFN in September and have spent the last month trying to decide what to do. I am just not sure if I haven't done enough cycles or if there is truly something else wrong as up to this point I have not found anything physically wrong with me. I am convinced if I just keep going and have more failures it will devastate me. Thank God for the strength of all the ladies on this site and the knowledge and advice or I may have just kept going in blind ignorance. I have send my sample for the hidden C test and am awaiting the results. I just booked my first appointment with Penny and Dr E. in Athens for an aquascan and immunes testing. At least if they find something wrong I can deal with it and if they don't find anything I can keep on going knowing I tested/tried everything.

Looking forward to getting to know everyone! 

Mrs. MishX


----------



## bethholm

Mrs Mish- welcome to THE most supportive thread on here.Thrilled you are off to see the wonderful Peny and getting your immunes done out there too- I'm biased and can't rate Serum enough- you are safe in Peny's hand and we were blessed to be led to her door.

B xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hello ladies 
    
Welcome - mrs mish, it is so hard not knowing why...I hope you get some answers soon to help you know how best to move on  

Brumbar  - great news on being pup - have it all crossed for you  

michimoo - lean on us,we are here for you and understand some of what you feel  

Rory - have you decided or booked anything?

Rach - half term - enjoy the break  

Hi to everyone else  

Afm have been away for a couple of weeks, after the past few months have taken the chance to get away - 2 weeks, no phones no tv etc, just escapism.  Back to it now and back to the healthy lifestyle before our next cycle which now will be december or january to avoid xmas.

Will endevour to get back up to date with you all,

Lil one


----------



## May-be

Hi to everyone!

Michimoo, I had 3 cycles at ARGC and I also have low blood pressure. I had 4 general anaesthetics there (including one for hysto) and didn't have any problem. They always ask you many questions before each procedure and they will be full informed of your low blood pressure. They check on you every few minutes after you open your eyes. My pressure at some point was below 90 so they checked it every 5min but everything was fine. They give you a drip to hydrate you and that helps. 
Once I felt a little bit nauseas and they gave me a second drip. Stayed a bit longer there but everything was fine. The nurses are absolutely fantastic and they take great care of you.  The procedure takes only 20min or so and it's only short anaesthetic.  
I'm pretty sure you'll be fine too.
Good luck Hon!
mx


----------



## suzymc

hiya ladies
i'm about to start my 4th IVF cycle. I pray this one is going to be different. I don't think i can keep doing this. Do you all find you don't tend to ovulate after a failed cycle? I'm sure it's playing havoc with my egg supply. But all i want is a baby so i have to keep going. I have to keep trying. I was meaning to get hidden C checked out before the last cycle and now i'm kicking myself as DH's sperm is showing slightly elevated white blood cells which can be down to inflammation or infection. It's terrible to feel like this at this stage. I start stimming a week on thursday.
I have recently changed what i eat and drink. I wanted to share with as many ladies as possible so i started a ******** page for my recipes. Link is in my signature if any of you are interested.
Also any suggestions are always welcome. 

may-be  - i've had so many anaesthetics now that i'm actually starting to enjoy them   

mrs-mish - have you got your hidden C results back? i keep seeing more with hidden C than without. I pray you don't have it.

enjoy the rest of our longer weekend
Suzy x


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, hoping you are all good and well.

Welcome to all the newbies - sorry you find yourself here but as Beth said. it's the most supportive thread every. 

Hi Lil'one so nice to hear from you. glad you are OK and have been having a good time away. 

I'm OK ish at the moment. Both me and DP are not that great on these antibodies. I think we have every side effect between us on the list and we still have 16 days left. And yes they make me feel that bad i am counting. Actually it's DP that is really driving me nuts - huffing and puffing around the house because he feels so rubbish. Why do men have to make a big deal about everything. I feel rubbish too be i still have to function and it just makes me feel worse with him moping around like he is dying - because he is only on them because i have an infection- like it's my fault! . God can you imagine what it would be like if he had to take any of the other drugs throughout this process. I have to keep reminding him i have taken 7 lots of different drug combinations over the last three years for all the ivf treatment and he can't even manage a few antibiotics - welcome to my world! men really don't help the situation sometimes. watch this space - i might have strangled him by the time we have finished the course!   Oh well at least it's half term now so no challenging kids to deal with. Always a bonus! 

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

to Mrs Mish, SuzyMc  & Maybe, help, advice, support - we do what we can, and we're always ready to listen.
Lil One, welcome back, glad your absence was a positive one, lovely to see you.
Rach - just step away from any sharp implements, ropes, poisons etc....or failing that lock DH in the shed   . Know what you're going through cos mine suffers from the man-flu personality trait, I frequently refer to him on ** as 'face-ache' cos of the permanently pained expression on his face. As a nurse I frequently point out that if he has the energy to huff, puff and groan, then he ain't really poorly.
Beth, Coweyes and LTW,    for those bumps!
Brumbar, take it easy! Safe journey home.
Happy half term to all the teachers.
AFM, lots of paperwork to do for house move, and have had such a manically busy week that I could do with a whole day in bed, not just the extra hour this morning x


----------



## rory2011

Hello ladies and welcome mrs mish, Suzymc and may be

Well have got my prescription through and have to go back to Asda tomorrow and pick it up as they didn't have enough of some of the antibiotics. Lil one, I still haven't arranged to go to Athens yet for immunes. Hopefully will sit down and sort it out this weekendand see if we can go with air miles too to save a bit of money. So hopefully we will go one of the first weekends in jan..hoping to go thurs night and make a weekend of it.

Rach, hope you feel better soon and enjoy half term! 
Mrs mish, when are you off to Athens. 

Hello to everyone else hope you are all doing well


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## Mrs. Mish

Hello Everyone,

Michimoo, I also have low blood pressure. When I had my ERPOC they made a real fuss about it but as May-be said, they check it constantly and won't let you go until they think you are ok.

Rachel, you poor thing. I am so sorry the antibiotics are causing such havoc  I am almost certain that my test for hidden C will come back positive. I will be glad in the sense that it may be the cause of my inability to get pregnant and I can do something about it but on the other hand I will be sad to put my husband through it. I will also be terrified as I am allergic to most of the antibiotics and the last time I took Erythromycin I threw up over and over and over and over. It was horrible. I think you really have to take them with a lot of food or they wreak havoc. Really not looking forward to feeling ill for a month.

Suzy, I did not check after the first two failed rounds of IVF but after the 3rd I definitley did not ovulate. I think it was due to the gonapeptyl that they gave me to suppress my ovaries. It stays in your body for a while (like a month). After my FET in September I ovulated after my cycle as normal. It won't affect your eggs and is just a side affect of all of the hormones I think.

Congratulations Brumbar on your fabulous blasties!

lil'one I will be cycling in January or February as well so we may run into each other. I am going for my consult on November 19th so hopefully I will get some idea of timing. Does anyone know if you can plan when you want to go out? I can take a week off but need to have a general idea of when it will be. I assume the donor is on BC pills to get the timing right? Not sure how much I can plan and it is difficult as I don't want them to know at work.

Hello everyone else!

I am just counting the days until my consult and hoping to get some answers. 

Mrs. MishX


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## Michimoo

Hi Ladies,
Thanks for your reassuring words. It's a comfort to know I'm not alone  

Well after all that worry its come to a massive stand still. I went in for day 1 bloods yesterday & knew I was back for a scan tomorrow & I was waiting for the call to advise me of the protocol all day. I get a call at 5:30pm from the receptionist to advise that my FSH level had gone up to 11!!!!! They won't treat me until this is lower. 

My Fsh has never been a problem before. It's always been around 7 or 8. What's going on? I'm gutted.  

M
Xx


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## Lucky Brumbar

Oh hun..... I'm so so sorry.... Its aways hard to get yourself motivated to start and then ... Hugs hun! 
Not sure how to lower the fsh hun, perhaps others can give you spme pointers

Why did you deside on the ARGC? Have you tought about a different clinic?
X


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## Michimoo

I've only just moved to the ARGC it was a toss up between them or Serum but with DH working abroad 1 month on 1 month off. Logistically ARGC worked for us. 
I only had my fsh tested 2 months ago & it was 8.2 
They have said to come in & be tested again next cycle with the hope its dropped. That's ANOTHER delay. I've already waited 6 weeks whilst they put me on humira. 
I'm going   


M
X


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## bethholm

Michimoo- I too was shocked when my AMH went from around 14 to 2 a few years ago!I was so proud of having such a fab level at my age that I felt like framing my results!Then when I went to The Lister around a year, eighteen months later, it had plummeted and the consultant said that my initial level was probably mis-read.Talk about kicking a girl when she's down! Re your FSH levels,acupuncture can massively help with this. Also, I would seriously seriously not take any more humira- I've had 4 shots of it via Mr G and apart from the ARGC, not many (if any) consultants will prescribe it due to the potential health hazards in the future.Peny won't go near it and has taken advice off around 10 other immune consultants and not one of them was pro humira.I ccontrol my elevated NKs and TH1:TH2 TNF alphas through diet and supplements; let me know if you want any info on this.

Thinking of you.

B xxx


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## Rach76

Hi all. 

I'm so sorry Michimoo that you have had yet another delay. I know how frustrating it all it. Sending you loads of hugs x

Brumbar - hope you are doing well and are resting lots so those embies snuggle in well. x

Hi Beth and all the other ladies out there. 

Well AF came yesterday - first one since hystero on 4th October and i am a bit confused ..... Having loads of pain both yesterday and today probably the worst pain i have ever had with Af yet very little bleeding! I was kind of expecting a heavy bleed after op but it is the oppossite. Is this normal? And why am I having so much pain? can anyone shread any light on this. 

Rach x


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## Lucky Brumbar

Rach, not sure about pain hun.... 
If you had your hysto later in your cycle- it is possible that your lining is not as thick? Did you take estrogens?


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## Rach76

Hi Brumbar, i had my hystero on day 7 of my cycle and yes i took estrogen. Also i had a scan on day 14 and lining was 7m. 

Rach x


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## rory2011

Michimoo sorry to hear that your level has gone up. It's horrid when things change  unexpectedly. 

I am in a bad mood now. Have wasted over an hour of my life in Asda over the last 2 days. Dropped off my prescription yesterday for my antib's. they said to come back 20 mins later only to find out that although they were happy to accept my prescription after phoning someone and interogating me as to why my prescritpion was from abroad and did my dr know, they didn't have 2 of the drugs but would be available today.  So went in today on way home...only to have to wait again then the pharmacist said she couldn't prescribe it today as they had ordered caplets instead of tablets! 

In the end I said I'll take my prescription back and will pop into at worth tomorrow to go to fazeley pharmacy as they are happy to accept Athens prescriptions. Arghhhh then got stuck in more traffic, so now not happy and still can't start my antibiotics yet! Hopefully some time this week we will get gong on them.

Hope you are all well and rach, hope someone can answer your query. I have never had a hysteroscopy so can't help xx


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## wobs

Michimoo - sorry re: your FSH level.  Stress can affect it so try not to worry - easier said than done i know!!!!  It does fluctuate month to month.  On our first ARGC cycle mine was the lowest it had ever been.  On our recent one is was 10.5 - but they were happy to treat me with that.  So you are not far off the window.  Take heart that they know it wouldn't be the best cycle for you & you want the best quality eggs you can get.  No point throwing all that money at a duff cycle.  I know it is frustrating waiting - believe me I've done years of it! - but try and have a healthy month feeling that you are preparing for the best cycle you can have.  (sorry that sounds like bossy teacher talk but I hope it's helpful!)

Rach - sorry - have to say after both my hystos I felt fine and periods were normal.  Maybe you should phone your clinic if it is still painful?  Sorry I can't help.  Why not post on the serum boards or email/phone them?

BTW Beth - out of interest how do you control your NKs through diet & supplements.  Cytokines sorted re: gluten free (well and possibly intripalids) but on my last cycle by NKs were still high...despite being a cocktail of vitamins    

Rory - what a pain re: prescriptions!! HOpe you got it sorted with fazeley.

Hi to everyone else

Wobs


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## pinkpixie

Hi ladies
I dont post on here anymore as doesnt feel right but had been reading through some old posts and just wanted to say thanks for all the support you gave me through this journey. You are all amazing ladies and I really hope you all achieve your miricle xxxx


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## rory2011

Thanks pink pixie. Hope you are adjusting to motherhood. I hope you are getting some sleep! 

Afm now on day 3 do antib's. feeling a bit yuck but I will cope! Roll on the end of nov.
Rach how are you getting on.
Brumbar, hope you are doing ok. 
Hello to everyone else.


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## wobs

Pink Pixie - lovely to hear from you.  It is nice to feel inspired by a success story     Hope all is going well
Wobs


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## Lucky Brumbar

Hello lovelies, thank you to our amazing success story ladies for popping in for courage!
I'm not feeling anything this cycle, not many twinges, nothing just headache for a few days and back ache on one occasion so om getting ready for yet another negative.... 12dpEC today but pretty scared to test.... Sigh
Love to all
Brum
X


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## seemedlike4eva

Brumbar, keep your chin up love,    - we're all rooting for you still.
Hiya Pinkpixie, as Wobs has said, you're a source of inspiration and hope for us.
I'm spending my saturday making a christening cake for tomorrow, before a load of visitors appear.


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## Lucky Brumbar

SL4E! I always admire people who can make cakes!its such a great skill to have!  Im rubbish at it!   what flavour is the cake? Yum yum... 

Thank you for the support lovely ladies... I do need all the luck in the world ... It just seems so impossible...sigh
X


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## bethholm

Brumbar- but sometimes the impossible happens...keep the faith and we are all here for you.

B xxx


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## Lucky Brumbar

I know lovely Beth, but it always seems to happen to others and i always go emptyhanded.... Sorry i didn't mean to bring the mood down.... Just scared i suppose  i'll shut up now...
X


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## lil&#039; one

Have everything crossed for you Brumber 
Rory - hope you're feeling a bit better  
Rach - hope you are feeling better, I think the hystero can mess you up a bit, hope you're getting back to normal  
No news here, hi to everyone else,

Lil one


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## Rach76

Hi all, 

Brumbar - sendiing hugs your way and loads and loads of luck xx  
So nice to hear from you lil'one x
SL4E - i tried to make some cakes last weekend and they sunk in the middle. Made them from a pack mix too!   didn't think anything could go that wrong with a pack mix. How wrong was i  so am not going to give up teaching for cake making quite yet!  
Rory - hope the antib's are going down a bit better now and your body is getting use to them.
Hi to Beth, wobs and pinkpixie and any other lovely ladies out there.

As for me....  I have had a crappy week. won't bore you all with the details but i haven't felt this rubbish for a long time now. I think its a mixture of everything all building up again. been on antib's for four weeks now, had AF from hell, DP still huffing and puffing about taking a few pills so am walking on egg shells, trying to get everything ready for next cycle at end of month with serum and have no idea when day 1 is gonna be cos cycles are all over the place, trying to get scan sorted in uk with not very helpful clinic, trying to mark GCSE coursework for 180 kids, trying to get fit and healthy for next cycle after joining slimming world and being told i've put three stone on, so feel like a fat heffa, trying to sort time off with work with unhelpful boss, scared still next cycle won't work and i will be childless for ever. And Dp asks why i'm so stressed! part from that i'm all fine and dandy.    thanks for listening to me rant. Rach x


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## Lucky Brumbar

Oh  Rach... Hugs hun... Hope it gets better ! Xxx


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## seemedlike4eva

The cake is just a victoria sponge up-sized, cos I made it in the roasting tin! I don't think Mary Berry is in danger of losing her crown on my account any time soon. Cake is fine, but the icing.......I got a plaque for the top made at a local cake shop, to sit on top of the ready-roll fondant icing. The only packet mixes I trust are Betty Crocker, 3-for-2 in Tesco at the moment.
Hi Lil One & Beth
Rach, rant away hun, whatever helps you to feel a bit better.
xxxx


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## Lucky Brumbar

Yum yum  its 8:30am and i want cake!


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## seemedlike4eva

Brumbar, it'll be my pleasure to make a cake for your baby shower


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## rory2011

Rach I hope things are getting better for you.
Brum bar it is so hard to stay positive on the 2ww. Fingers tossed that this is the one for you xx
Sl4e hmmm cake sounds good.

Feeling a bit better on antib's just usually feel a bit sick a few hours after having them but eating seems to help...so I will no doubt be gaining weight when is hold be losing it. I thought a Few weeks off alcohol will help but I am having my doubts that I will be lighter at the end of it!! 

Hope you are all having a nice Monday...and good luck to those who are teachers and going back after half term xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Oh Rach - getting ready for tx abroad the first time is extremely stressful, thinking of you and hoping you get your BFP this time  

Fingers corssed Brumbar - when is OTD?

Hi Rory, SL4E, Lil one, Beth, Wobs, Michimoo, Mrs Mish and anyone else reading x x x


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## rory2011

We are off to athens in dec! Have booked flights and appts with penny and dr e this evening. Just need to book hotel. Feeling as though something is moving in the right direction now.

Hello to everyone xx


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## bethholm

Rory- fab!You will feel better now you have a plan.Let me know if you want any info on hotels,transport,airport travel, restaurants etc and I'll pm you.

Michimoo- will pm you immune stuff tomorrow.Sorry I forgot!

Brumbar- you are in my thoughts and prayers for OTD.

Love to all.

B x


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## Rach76

Hi all, Am feeling a bit better today. Thats great news Rory. I'm cycling in dec so let me know when you are there. Many be we can met up for a coffee or something. Well first day back at school after the holidays wasn't too bad Kids were quite good-  probably be off the wall tomorrow!

Hoping everyone else has had a good start to the week. 

Rach x


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## bethholm

Rach- do you want the Athens info too?

B x


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## rory2011

Beth just pm'd you. Info would be great. Feeling a bit happier now there is a plan!


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## Mrs. Mish

Hi everyone. I am still here lurking around. Serum received my hidden c sample on Friday. I am just waiting for the results. I will be going for my consult in less than two weeks. Yikes time flies. Didn't realise that I am going close to the start of my period. Probably should have waited until the week after to go since I am not sure right before my period is the greatest time to have an aqua scan or hysteroscopy. At least I can get the immunes done. I can go back for the hysteroscopy if I need to.

Rory, looks like you are right behind me. Good luck in Athens.

Rachel, glad to hear You are cycling at Serum in December. I am hoping Penny gives us all a miracle. 

Brumbar, I have my fingers crossed. 

Hello to everyone else.

Mrs mish x


----------



## Rosa1939

Hi all,

Hope everyone is doing ok.  

I'm sorry to barge in on the convo like this but I am after some honest advice from other women in similar boats to me. I am an old BFN veteran but have not been on FF in quite some time.  Just had my follow up consultation today for BFN 7, chem preg.  Been told today that the way forward for us is donor egg.  I had been expecting this but still a blow to hear it put so plainly.  We have been advised to go on waiting list at our UK clinic (6 month to 1 year) but to also think about clinics in Spain, Greece and Cyprus due to our mediterranean looks and heritage.

I have some doubts about egg donation and also about giving up on my own eggs, can anyone give me any advice?  I know there are ladies here who are doing donor egg IVF and I would especially like to talk about how you have accepted this as the way to go.  Have your worries melted away with time?  My head is quite jumbled at the moment so hope this makes some kind of sense.  

My main concerns are:  Will the child be "my" baby?  Am I meddling with nature too much? How will the child feel on knowing how they were conceived, will they resent me?  If I have treatment abroad, how will any potetnial children feel about not knowing who the donor is.  Then I also think about the reasons why people donate, especially abroad? Will they regret it one day?  Sorry if this sounds negative and I do not wish to offend anyone here at all and if it is the wrong place to post then please point me in the right direction. 

Thanks for any help given.
Rx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hey hun, i can't really comment much but wanted to say how sorry i am to hear about yet another bfn...
This cycle we wrre told that my eggs were affected by endo and  were warned that i may have nothing to transfer on day 5,  it didnt take me long to come up with the idea of asking for double donnor frozen embryo, at the end of the day it will still be my child, i would grow it in my body and would bice birth to it! and i would love it no less than if it was genetically mine.  
We didn't go down that route as our own buggers did well, but i was surprised how quickly i was ready to give it a go...

Hope the DE ladies can help by giving you their view on things

Hugs hun!
Xxx


----------



## janie73

Hi Ladies
I wonder if I might join you now... just had my third BFN. So many questions floating around in my head. In short, I am a poor responder and about to turn 39 any minute now. We always said 3 goes and then that's it. But I'm not sure I can let it go. I like my clinic but is it time to try somewhere else? Starting to look at clinics abroad - largely on the basis of cost... and perhaps because I'm starting to think about DE.... and maybe just a change of protocol would help. But I think it may scare DH off. I'm the one that is pushing for children, he is supporting me but I know there will be a point where he draws the line. Going overseas might be that point. I've heard a lot of good things about Serum but also some negatives. I'm also one of the Hidden-C doubters so not sure how that would work. I looked at clinics in Czech too as the costs seem very reasonable... but we're based in Scotland and not so easy. Or maybe it's just time to call it a day. One saving grace I have through all of this is I can still picture a happy life without children... and when I am mid-way between cycles I start to question why I am putting myself through all this. But then when treatment starts, I invest in it wholly and emotionally and allow myself to dream. I hate my job and I want to change career. I have a semi-plan to retrain but it will take funds... all of which are getting ploughed into treatment at the moment. But if I don't act soon then I worry I'm going to be left with no baby and a job I hate but have left it too late to retrain. Sigh. I feel like I am gradually losing all my oldest and dearest friends because of the self-imposed exile I have put myself in... because I can't cope with their pregnancies / toddlers ... and even those that are younger and don't have kids yet... just in case they announce a pregnancy and send me over the edge. 

I think I should stop now!!! I really just wanted to check in and see whether you were happy to have me alongside...

Janie xxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hi there, I'm an old BFN veteran too and been on here before I just wanted to share something with the ladies who are looking to gonabroad. My friend who had a icsi in uk back in 2011 got a bfn she then was told that donor eggs would be better for her with an AMH of 0.03 anyhow as the waiting list were a year or so in this country she was advised on going to ivi Madrid and she was on treatment within 3 months donor eggs from a 24 year old and she had all eggs out of which she had a frsh transfer bfn then an FET and she's now prigs with twins so please think about donor eggs if that's what's being advised.. I will think about it and go for it if this cycle doesn't work. 

May I also say I don't believe in the hidden c testing.. That's my personal thoughts so I'm not here to upset anyone but I had all mine tested and all was negative and so far no bfn though another friend of mine tested and was positive for all three and she's had 2 IVF positives and a miracle natural pregnancy! So it's really not the be all and end all.

Take care all and good luck in your journeys xxx


----------



## bethholm

HBKMorris- so very lovely to hear from you!We have missed you  .

Rosa- DH wanted to do DD last year after my first MMC but I wasn't ready.Maybe it was because he already,subconsciously has his DNA on this planet (2 teenage kids from a nightmare of a marriage which ended well over 15 years ago) which made it an easy decision for him. In the lead up to me changing my mind were 2 moments of complete clarity.Firstly, on my 6th cycle in Norway, I only had 1 embie able to be transferred and I remember having to have an intralipid drip before ET.The nurse couldn't cannulate me and I had blood dripping everywhere.I can remember sobbing (I never cried in the clinic really in all of the 5 cycles there) as it was so painful as it took 3 attempts to get a line in.I can remember almost looking down on my body,with my feet clenched in tight balls as the pain was so much,thinking 'What the hell am I doing to my body?' This was my first moment of clarity.

The second clincher came in March this year when we were due to cycle with Peny at Serum for the first time.I'd gone up to Bristol for my baseline scan and had been told how poor my chances were by the consultant there- a 70% chance of MC using my own eggs at 43 plus the scan had only revealed 3 follicles.Coupled with the fact that we lost our second baby despite having a heartbeat a few months earlier, I emailed Peny the results and she emailed me my protocol immediately.I then turned to my mum who had gone with me for the scan (DH was at work) and told her that I couldn't mentally do it anymore on my own eggs.I've always been a poor responder and have even been in the situation where I've only had 1 egg (due to a UK clinic messing up my meds) but I did get pregnant that time. We didn't do the fragmentation test on DH's sperm so this could've caused my last miscarriage. We went for double donor as we wanted the quickest and painless way of having a child together and give it the best odds of working.Many of my friends are now on their 2nd IVF child too. We have spent the past 4 years utterly broke- so much so that I even weighed up if I could afford a cup of tea at Heathrow when I flew back and our lives have been put on hold, plus I'm not getting any younger!

These are the reasons why we went straight to DD.I also took the decision to fly in and out of Athens on my own to keep costs down.We went for the back up plan as you are guaranteed a certain amount of top quality of embies over 40 years of age (the only positive thing of being that old!) and Peny does match you up anyway.We only asked if the donors could be higher educated but everything else we believe is influenced through epigenetics.I know many women who really stress lots of factors to Peny re matching up (in terms of hobbies etc but everyone is different and I respect that) but all we want is a baby and are grateful to even have the chance of having one. Back up donor is a lot less money too and you would have to pay an extra 1000€ to freeze any left over.I feel that Christmas has come at once having more than one put back in in and my mum said that as soon as I'd decided to go down this route,it was as if a dark cloud had lifted from me.I can't tell you how so much less stressful it is not to cycle on your own eggs!You fly out, have more than one put back in and fly back! None of this 'How many eggs will they collect,how many will fertilize etc.' Hope this all helps- more than happy to chat again if it helps you to clarify things.
Lovely weblinks on donor eggs and epigentics-
http://www.nurture.co.za/the-tricky-subject-of-disclosure
http://www.giftovlife.com/EggDonorParents_FAQ.aspx
http://tpvedo.blogspot.co.uk/2009/07/women-who-give-birth-to-donor-egg.html
http://eggdonorsblog.giftovlife.com/epigenetics

And some of my favourite quotes:

'There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.'

and finally:

'I sometimes have glimmers of regret because I could have searched for that good egg that I am convinced is inside of me. But does it truly matter? Did I really "give something up," or have the courage and the mental health to "move on?" Was and is the glass half empty or half full? These thoughts come from my head and not my heart because I believe in God and believe God speaks through people and believe your children chose you. Therefore, God invented the process of donor egg and these were the two children I was meant to have. Being there when your children are sick, when they fall and cry, when they need you and when no else is there, is truly what parenting is all about. And they will have my sensitivity, my generosity, my sense of humor and my loving heart because they will learn it from me. I am eternally blessed and grateful.'

Janie- welcome to THE most supportive thread here on FF. As a poor responder too, I can totally empathise with you as it puts extra stress on an already stressful time! I actually only got one egg on one of my cycles due to a clinic (UK) messing up my meds. I can't stress enough how important it is to have an Athens' hysterscopy and full immunes done (also have this done in Athens as it is a third of the price compared to the UK).Please email me if you need anymore info on any of these although Agate's thread on Serum is superb - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=274114.0

Love to all the wonderful ladies on here.

B xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach, Rory and Mrs Mish, december isn't far away, maybe you're all about to get your best ever pressie 
Welcome  Jamie, and hello again to HBK & Rosa.
I had a surprise today - my NK biopsy has shown elevated NK cells, 8%. I really wasn't expecting that cos I've been taking prednisolone continuously for 9 years!!!! Thanks HBK for pointing me in the right direction   .
As for the DE debate...our primary prob is DH having Klinefelter's, so we always knew we'd need donor sperm. Well 12 goes at that failed, so we just assumed that even tho my tests had been OK my eggs must be the problem too, and decided to give DE + DS a try. Well, that hasn't worked -yet- maybe due to the NK cells, but as soon as we switched to double donor, DH's attitude changed and he's been more supportive cos he now feels that the child will belong to us both equally. I haven't felt a sense of loss about giving up on my eggs. We've gone with the Czech republic for donor matching cos we are both really, really fair skinned, and so are all the children in the family.
Well, maybe my december cycle isn't going to be, I have my follow-up with Prof Quenby next week to discuss the biopsy result - any advice on natural solutions much appreciated!


----------



## bethholm

Seemslike4ever- fab news re nk cells!Agate has some fab advice re supplements and diet that I also followed.This is on the immune investigations thread diet and supplements section - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=242395.0
Re double donation (DD) we went for this option like you did as the child would be equally ours plus DH already had 2 children so we felt this was the best option for us- but everyone is different.

B xxx


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## Lucky Brumbar

Beth and SL4E, thank you for sharing your stories. I quite liked reading the info Rach! V interesting!


DH also has two kids from a previous marriage so he had no problem going DS, we've even spoken in the past about asking his 21 yo brother to donate. when Penny told us she thinks its endo that's messing it up for us and i may not even get to transfer i tought here we go, i have no other choice but do this one with DD , at least a pregnancy will kill off the endo and i will then have a chance for a biological child again and i'll have the pressure off anyway because i would have one child already...
Brum
Xxxx
P.s still too scared to POAS ... Don't know what's wrong with me!!!! But its got to be done and i'll do it eventually...DH is buying a stick today and  I've got two expired digis at home. I was so convinced my 3rd icsi was going to work i bought digis ... And then it got cancelled. I only found them today in a box with old cycle papers...


----------



## rory2011

Good luck brumbar for when you do get the courage to poas xx


----------



## janie73

Hi ladies

I just wanted to say that I have read through the last few posts with great interest. I have been thinking about donor eggs for some time. I still have a lot of research to do... I am interested in epigenetics and I'll be off to go and see what I can dig out in the research papers about this. But to be honest, this is probably more out of interest than anything. I don't think I will have too many problems coming to terms with donor eggs. I don't see how I could fail to love a baby that I had carried. I would go down the adoption route but DH won't have it. My concerns are probably more around how it might affect the child. But again, I need to read more about this. I think I would feel more comfortable with the UK laws but my understanding is waiting lists can be long and success rates not so high. But this discussion is probably more for a different thread. And to be honest, I think I would probably need one last go with my own eggs before making that transition.  

Beth - I totally hear what you are saying about having the courage and the mental health to move on rather than 'giving up'. I think in my own case I need to consider this in relation to moving on without children at all. Like I said, I'm trying not to jump to any conclusions right now and I'm just listening very hard to what other ladies have to say and hoping that my own emotions will settle on a certain direction. I also loved the quote about appreciation. Made me cry. But in a good way. I don't know that I can face the immunes area. I know you will probably think I'm crazy. I did look into it for a while and got overwhelmed. My instinct is that our problem is the lack of eggs. And age. I may change my mind about that. I'm trying not to jump into anything at the moment.

Rosa - it sounds like you and I may be in a similar quandary. I guess it will take time to sort itself out.

Thanks Ladies. I have bookmarked the thread and will stay in touch if that's OK. DH and I taking a break to collect ourselves but I'll be back after that.
Janie xx


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## Rosa1939

Hi All,

I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you for all your comments and taking the time to respond, coming from real people makes it all seem so much more doable.  Beth and SL4E thanks for your input re donation, I have followed both your stories for some time now whenever i pop on here, wishing you both the very very best and congrats Beth on your little blue bundle to be! Also wishing everyone on here the very best too of course.  This really is the thread I enjoy coming back to, all the people are so kind and friendly and it is so much less frenetic than some of other threads i have dipped into in the past.

I have booked to have some counselling later this month with a lady counsellor recommended to me by my clinic in UK, she deals with infertility, donor conception and adoption and I have seen her once before during my last cycle.  She was very good.  Hope she can help me decide best way forward.  Also going to an adoption seminar tonight just to see what its all about.  Don't think my heart is in it to be honest.  

Janie, yes it does seem like you and I are in a similar boat.  I just want to make sure that i make the right decision.  My concerns are more like yours, I don't necessarily doubt i could love a baby that i had carried and given birth to but what happens when it comes to telling them of their origins?  How will they feel about it? How will other family members feel about it?  I know there is no way of knowing  this and its something that I have to explore.  Epigenetics if super interesting so will do some reading of the links as recommended by Beth.  

Brumbar, good luck lady on your testing, keeping everything crossed that it is the best news!x

Thanks again for kind words, it helps enormously.  I will be keeping my eye on everyone here and rooting for us all! 

Rx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Its another BFN i'm afraid 
X


----------



## Jess81

aww brumbar i'm sorry hun!   i just don't know what to say... so i'll    instead 

xx


----------



## Rosa1939

Brumbar, very sorry to hear your news. xx


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## bethholm

Brumbar- massive hugs.xxxxx


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## janie73

Brumbar, really sorry to hear your news. You surely deserve some better luck.   Take good care of yourself. xx


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## Lucky Brumbar

Aah thank you ladies! Its not luck, something's wrong and Penny thinks  its endo, so im trying to convince her to let me use femara whilst I'm waiting for a laparoscopy! I need to cycle straight after laparoscopy and i need to allow a few months in-between cycles as i'm doing OE so i could utilize the time by trying Femara- more targets more chances!  and its also good for endo as it suppresses it 
Me thinks i've got a plan but let's see what Penny thinks 
Xxxx

Just wanted to tank you for all your support ladies! It means a lot!


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## bethholm

We are always here for you and each other.xxxxx


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## Rach76

Ahhhhh Brumbar am so sad for you hun. sending loads of hugs your way x x x x P.s whats femara?

Rach x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Its a brest cancer drug, an aromatese inhibititor, and works by suppressing your estrogen receptors thereby stopping the "food" supply to the endo, AND it also works as clomid - i.e you produce more follies = more targets for spermies! according to research it also helps restore the b3 integrin - an adheasion molecule that is sometimes lacking in endo ladies
Xxx
I had my only chemical on the cycle i took it!


----------



## Mrs. Mish

I am so sorry Brumbar. Let us know what Penny says and fingers crossed.


----------



## janie73

Brunbar, just wanted to say, I know how exhausting it is trying to understand what is going on with our bodies and when I said 'luck'... I really meant that you deserved a break. Take good care of yourself. xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

I know Janie... I wouldn't mind a bit of both x


----------



## rory2011

so sorry to hear your news brumbar.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Oh Brumbar, I am just so sorry, this is just toooo hard.  You are so brave to be planning next time.  

Hi to our new ladies. I am afraid I can't really comment on the de dilemma....it's not something we've thought about yet, our story is we've had so many other random issues to deal with and we're waiting until all the stars line up for us  

I can understand the feeling of isolation, janie. I have become 'estranged' from my family since my mum told me I had to 'get over it when i told her about my difficulties being happy for my brothers woopsy baby number 3, and i work in a female enenvironment when there's a new anouncement most months...feel like a social outcast, at least they pay me....a little  

Afm sorry for lack of posts, just mad since return from holiday, will endevour to be better.

Beth - how are you doing? Your posts are so helpful  

Lil one


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## janie73

Lil one I totally hear you. I have same situation at work. Only saving grace is that people just assume I don't want kids and I just give off a vibe that says 'back off' if anyone broaches subject. Close friends know and I find them supportive to a point but I've also been told i just need to get over it. I find it easier just to back off but it makes me so sad that i'm becoming estranged from my oldest and dearest friends. I was hoping the IVF counsellor might help me sort my head out but she seems to be more of a sympathetic ear.  Here's hoping  2013 is a better year. Xx


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## seemedlike4eva

Brumbar, oh my love, I'm so sorry    xxx
Quick hello to everyone else xx


----------



## Mrs. Mish

Hi Everyone,

I finally got my Hidden C results back and as I feared it is positive  Looks like a month of antibiotics for me. I will be seeing Penny in a week so I will get my prescription while I am in Greece.

Beth, the quotes in you post earlier made me cry. I feel the same way that you do and it was an easy decision for me to move to donor eggs and I have never looked back and still feel it was absolutely the right thing to do.

Sorry I can't post more as I have to get back to work. Hello to everyone and I hope you enjoy the weekend. So glad it's Friday!

Mrs Mish


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Bloody hidden C! Sorr hun 
X


----------



## wobs

Brumbar     really sorry to hear your news. Pleased that you have a plan. take care

Hi everyone else

Wobs


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Good morning lovelies!
Mrs Mish, another piece of your jigsaw - hope the antiBs don't make you feel too poorly.
Want a smile for saturday? I had a real near-miss embarrassing experience, just thank God that the 'penny has dropped' moment arrived in time, before I really made an eejit of myself... I was waiting for the bus home from the market ( every little saving helps), and there was a middle-aged woman in the queue who I recognized really strongly, but just couldn't think where from. Just as I was about to go and speak to her, I realised where from, and so glad. She was a patient from the STD clinic whose genital warts I'd treated on many occasions. Can you imagine?    
Have a peaceful weekend everyone xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Lol!!!! Gosh this could've been really embarrassing! Glad you remembered  on time 
Wobs... Thanks hun! 

I'm waiting for AF to put the "final nail in the coffin"  BUT the good news is that then i get to start femara!  and who knows, maybe the first treatment that the nhs should've offered - but didn't -does the trick! X


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, hoping everyone is OK. Brumbar your positivity is amazing, i admire your strength. glad you can start femara and praying your BFP comes soon. 

SL4E - Ur stories make me laugh. They are great! glad you didn't embarrass yourself tho. 

Mrs Mish - hope the antib's are going ok. I've finally got use to them with only another 4 days to go. Yay!

Hi to Beth, Janie, Lil one and rory.

Not much happening with me at the moment. Was a busy week back at work after half term. Lost 3 pounds at fat club! been to classes at the gym lots - eating healthy and taking all the vits. DP's mother is coming round tomorrow as he wants her to stay with me in Athens for some of the time i am there (he can only be there for a few days to 'do his bit') he doesn't want me to be alone. Ahhh sweat you might say - well I'm not so sure - she can be a nightmere - so controlling!!!! I might want to strangle her.  Oh well i guess she means well.  Rach x


----------



## bethholm

Rach- all part of the job description re MILs!Mine is not too bad although she comes out with the most stupid things at times and I have to ask myself if she is for real!Once she asked menwhen
I was giving up IVF as 'don't you miss shopping?' 

SL4E- you made me giggle too.The worst example of not recognising someone was years ago when I was in a nightclub (hence years ago!) and I really fancied a bloke there and luckily before I made a complete t*t of myself,I realised that I'd taught him years ago as a 16yr old lad...

B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Beth   
Rach, MIL has been to more of my treatments than DH...feel for you! She is lovely most of the time, but getting a bit frail now, so I have offered to pay for my mega-organised SIL to come next time if DH can't, he doesn't like me being alone either.
Had a lovely random cuddle off a toddler at Church this morning, she just took a shine to me and put her arms out. Had a massive congregation turnout this morning, DH & I on coffee duty, 4 packets of biscuits we took vanished, along with a box of cupcakes I'd made, have had to promise to make some more cake for the Sunday School next week cos one little boy went home in tears when he didn't get one, cue guilt trip for me. As you can probably guess I had my false- smiley face on this morning. 
Brumbar, Janie, Wobs, Rory, Rosa, Mrs Mish, Lil One, Jess    
Coweyes and LTW, hope you're doing OK.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies  

Rach - it's nice to have that support from mil, just make sure you do what's right for you and dh, and not what you think you need to do to save everyone else's feelings.  I have spent so long doing that, even having the wedding my mum wanted rather than me, I am trying to put us first now.....it took a while  

Sl4e - good work with the fake face    you are a brave lady to do all that you do

Brumbar - how are doing today, I hope you feel brighter  

Hi to all the other lovely ladies inc mish, wobs, beth, janie, rory and everyone out there  

Afm feeling very blue today.  Had a tough weekend full of dh's family.  They can be hot or cold and this weekend was cold.  Accidentally found out another friend has just had a baby by logging onto dh's ******** instead of mine.  He said he just doesn't tell me about them anymore, apparently there have been at least seven others this year.  
I just feel so tired of it, really down today.
Sorry for being needy, I know you guys understand.

Lil one


----------



## rory2011

Lil one I hope you feel a bit better today. It does seem like everyone else in the world can Get preggers at a drop of a hat. I still find it hard every time someone announces and gives birth and I am s till here childless. So we all know how you feel. 

Mrs mish hope the antib's  are going ok. I am feeling a bit better on them...as long as I eat. Less than 2 weeks to go! 

Brumbar you are so amazing, I am glad you have a plan. I feel much better than we have a plan of sorts. We have booked our trip to Athens for immune treatment in dec and then depending on that I would like to cycle around march time. Dh would like a holiday but i Want to do treatment first. 

Have a good Monday ladies!


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## seemedlike4eva

Lil One   , I used to go through that in our early married days, things are better now, hopefully the same will be true for you.    that you will get your Christmas miracle.
Rory, hope the Dec trip gets the equipment in perfect working order for March.
Brumbar, how long do you need to be on Femara?
I've been for a 'look-see' round the local Virgin Active Health Club cos I'm getting really lardy. membership reasonable, lovely pool, just need letter from GP to say I'm now well enough. The fake face has had another outing today, big time. DH & I had to get up at dawn to drive over to some good friends, who don't have transport, to take them up to hospital for their c-section (to pop out accident no 4) while I stayed to walk the children to school. They live in Chav-Land central, so the playground is full of teen moms which never fails to make me feel positively geriatric. 3 years ago I was in the same place, just failed a cycle & doing the school run for them when no 3 popped out. Since I got home I've been bingeing on comfort food, chocolate, cheesecake, chips....and feel bleurgh and even more lardy!
BUT..the week IS going to get better, and I AM going to eat more healthily.
Hope everyone else is OK xxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, Hoping everyone is ok. Just a quick question...... could someone tell me what high tsh is. And is it correct that if it is too high it can affect implantation? Sorry no personals internet is playing up so can only get on here a few mins at a time. Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

high TSH = high thyroid stimulating hormone. Means your thryoid gland is struggling to produce enough thyroxine naturally . It is thought to affect fertility, but I'm honestly not sure exactly which aspect it causes problems with. Could also be a signal of immune problems, as it may be an immune attack on the thyroid gland (Hashimoto's Thyroiditis) that is causing it to struggle x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Just popping in to say I love you ladies, this seems to be the only thread where people don't post annoyingly thoughtless and inappropriate comments and I love you all for that. 

SL4E - you are very brave doing all that you do, remember to put yourself first sometimes x 

Brumbar - so sorry, nothing I can say to make you feel better, good you are looking forward with such positivity. Take lots of care of yourself x 

Lil one - hope you're ok, those days are horrible, hope you can pick yourself up and carry on x 

Hoping with all hope everyone here gets their miracle, no one deserves it more x x x


----------



## bethholm

Rach- I had high TSH- you need to get your T3 and T4 tested too.All are linked to thyroid. I was put on levothyroxine which therefore means you can get free prescriptions for anything (apart from IVF ones to a point!) as having a thyroid problem means you are exempt. Your TSH should be between 1-2 for IVF as it an cause implantation probs and also MC. Dippygirl on the immunes (thyroid) thread is the Agate of the thyroid world and is lovely,should you need any more info. I emailed my GP the new TSH level guidelines for fertility as a lot of GPs think that anything below 4 is ok (which it isn't!) Let me known if you want this link to the new guidelines re thyroid and fertility- it's an NHS document so has plenty of clout. I didn't need a consultant for my thyroid fortunately (I've got them for everything else!) but there's a fabulous one in London that I can let you know about too (although hopefully you won't need to see one). Thyroid can really effect getting a BFP- hopefully the final jigsaw piece for you.

LTW- totally agree- I love this thread too!

Love to you all- got to dash- thinking of you all.

B xxx


----------



## Rach76

Ahhh thank you ladies. As it happened i had my thyroid tested in half term because my mum has thyroid problems - just need to phone the doctor for the results. just didn't realise tsh meant thyriod.  Thank you for all the info on the number it should be Beth - i never know any of that, so that will help a lot. 

Hoping everyone is ok. 

LTW -that is such a nice thing to say - bless you x

Lil one - hoping you are feeling a bit better today. 

And i totally agree - this is the best thread ever! x x 

Rach x


----------



## Rach76

Oh i forgot to say - I survied the MIL moment at the weekend! lets just hope she behaves herself in athens!


----------



## rory2011

Sl4e you are amazing...I am not sure i could be such a good friend and drive them for their c section! Hope the gp let's you go to the gym...I am struggling with losing a few pounds even though going to gym...didn't help that I ate a choc bar after gong today as felt so weak whilst there! Luckily dh is losing weight as he is a bit overweight and so pleased he is doing it.

Rach hope ur thyroid test comes back ok, I went to check what mine was after the handy info from Beth. 

Ltw how are you getting on? It is a nice thread isn't it.

Lil one hope you are feeling brighter. 

Well after saying that I was ok with antib's if I ate food. i was sick yesterday morning...not good. Have been ok today and yesterday evening.... So hoping it won't happen again!


----------



## Rosa1939

Hi all,

Just a quick message to check in.  I've been busy at work and busy of an evening too so not had much time to log on.  Doing this in my lunch hour and feel like people can read over my shoulder! I'll be quick.

Rach76 - Wishing you good luck with the thyroid results. 

I'm not a fan of the gym, so we have been spending our weekends walking with friends and family this year, which is such a lot of fun and also gets you out in the fresh air, so that's my effort at keeping fit!  

Rory - I have taken two lots of antibiotics for hidden C earlier this year and felt queasy if i took them on an empty stomach, perhaps eating something light would help?

I hope everyone is doing ok, keep on marching forwards.  Where there is a will, there is a way.

Love to all,
Rx


----------



## bethholm

Here is the information on thyroid problems and infertility off the wonderful Agate:

21.3 Thyroid tests
21.3.1 Do I need my thyroid activity testing?
An over or under active thyroid can significantly reduce your chances of conception even if it is still within the 'normal' range for the NHS. For example, the NHS will currently not treat a TSH level of 4 mIU/mL (= 4 IU/L) as requiring any medication for hypothyroid (because of its cost/benefit analysis). However, studies have shown that anything over 2 mIU/ml (=2 IU/L), especially where anti-thyroid antibodies are present is associated with a lower chance of a live birth.

e.g. http://www.ajog.org/article/S0002-9378(06)00365-6/abstract
http://www.gghjournal.com/volume26/1/pdf/ab14.pdf

http://www.thyroid.org/professionals/publications/clinthy/clinthy_v237.pdf

So in my opinion, infertility patients should ask their GP for a basic thyroid screen and if, for example the TSH comes back at over 2 mIU/ml (2 IU/L) or high levels of antithyroid antibodies are present, seek advice from an endocrinologist who has experience with infertility or an immune fertility doctor as you may need to be prescribed thyroxine to reduce your TSH to below 2 mIU/ml. In the study above, where IVF patients had a TSH level greater than 2.5 mIU/ml and did not have FT4 levels in the high normal range, they were prescribed 50mcg per day of levothryoxine from the first day of IVF stimulation which lead to greatly improved pregnancy and live birth rates (reduced miscarriage rates) compared to similar ladies who where untreated.

The presence of antithyroid antibodies, even if TSH levels are normal, appears to be associated with a reduced chance of pregnancy/IVF success, but at least one study has shown much improved results if patients with antithyroid antibodies are prescribed thyroxine together with aspirin and corticosteroids. The doctors used this protocol: levothyroxine 50 mcg/d orally + 100 mg oral aspirin + 10 mg Prednisolone from the first day of IVF stimulation. The prednisolone was increased to 30 mg/d for 5 days starting the day of embryo transfer, and then dropped back down to 10 mg/d and continued until at least 10 weeks of pregnancy.

http://www.rbej.com/content/7/1/137

This study showed a reduced miscarriage rate and a higher rate of embryo quality where ladies with subclinical hypothyroid were prescribed thyroxine http://www.fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282(10)02928-6/abstract

Both pregnancy and IVF can affect your thyroid hormones and increase the body's need for thyroxine so ladies with thyroid issues need their thyroid levels monitoring regularly in pregnancy, and if you have recently been through an IVF cycle you may want to wait a few weeks afterwards before (re)testing your levels to get an accurate baseline measurement.

The NHS CKS knowledge summary on managing subclinical hypothyroidism (where free T4 is normal but TSH is elevated) in pregnancy or when trying to conceive tells GPs to "Aim for a TSH concentration in the low-normal range (0.4 mU/L to 2.0 mU/L) and an FT4 concentration in the upper reference range." Please note that the CKS system is supposed to be being replaced soon but I don't think this invalidates the information on the database for the time being.

http://www.cks.nhs.uk/hypothyroidism/management/scenario_preconception_or_pregnant/new_diagnosis_of_subclinical_hypothyroidism#-482784

However, the NHS guidelines (unhelpfully) do not go as far as the logical next step of telling GPs to make sure that all ladies who are pregnant or trying to conceive should have TSH in the 0.4-2 range (only that if their TSH starts off higher than 4.5, to get it down to the 0.4-2 range).

Thyroid-stimulating hormone (TSH) 0.9-4.0 mU/L (aim for between 0.9 and 2.0 mU/L) - some ladies will feel fine with TSH down to about 0.4 and it will not cause any fertility problems, but most ladies feel better if TSH is closer to 1.
Free thyroxine (FT4) 9.0-25 picomol/L (aim for high end of this range e.g., 19-25 - but bear in mind that some women can't achieve this without dropping their TSH too much - so also be guided by how your feel and where your TSH is)
Free triiodothyronine (FT3) 3.5-7.8 picomol/L (aim to be in range)
Total thyroxine (TT4) 60-160 nanomol/L (aim to be in range)
Total triiodothyronine (TT3) 1.2-2.6 nanomol/L (aim to be in range)

Thyroxine supplementation will raise FT4 (and T3) which causes TSH to fall. Your doctor will normally start you on a low dose e.g., 25-50mcg per day and gradually tweak it upwards, retesting your TSH and FT4 every 4 weeks until you are on target. Thyroxine has a fairly long half life, so if you are in between doses, its quite common for doctors to put you on alternate day dosing e.g., 50mcg one day and then 75mcg on alternate days to 'average out' the dose that you need.

Once you do get pregnant, its important to follow the guidance on monitoring thryoid in pregnancy (i.e., blood tests on bfp and then monthly) because you may need to drop your thyroxine slightly in early pg and then start to raise it.

If you are TTC with stimulated own egg IVF, it is probably more critical to try to get your TSH below 2 and your FT4 up to the high normal range because during stimulation, the high levels of estrogen can push down your FT4 and raise your TSH so if you start with levels above 2, you are more likely to end up with levels well above normal (e.g,. 5) by the time you get to embryo transfer. In one study, 44% of women with a TSH below 2.5 had a rise in TSH when doing an OE IVF cycle.

http://www.fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282(11)02907-4/abstract

21.3.2 What is thyroid peroxidase? What is thyroglobulin antibody
Thyroid peroxidase is one of the common anti-thyroid antibodies (ATAs). The second most common ATA is (anti) thyroglobulin antibody. Having an elevated level means that you have antibodies in your blood that attack your thyroid gland meaning that it is likely that now, or sometime in the future, your thyroid will be damaged and not produce the right amount of thyroid hormones (e.g., Hashimotos thyroiditis). It is an autoimmune condition and it is associated with an increased risk of having elevated natural killer cells. Even for ladies whose thyroid hormones fall within the normal range, chances of a live birth with IVF are reduced if it is not treated with a combination of thyroxine, blood thinners (e.g., clexane, aspirin) and corticosteroids (e.g., prednisolone).

http://www.rbej.com/content/7/1/137

However, some ladies who are diagnosed with ATAs decide to have level 2 immune testing so that they can access more aggressive treatments e.g., intralipids, IVIG, humira, on top of the basic treatment (thyroxine, blood thinners and corticosteroids).

21.3.3 What thyroid tests do I need?

If you are concerned about thyroid activity for fertility you need to know

- your TSH level (you are wanting this to be around 1 (between 0.4 and 2) for optimum fertility
- your FT4 levels (you want this to be in the top third of the normal range for optimum fertility - but see comment above)
- antithyroid antibodies (e.g., thyroid peroxidase, thyroglobulin antibody)

If your results show any problem you would want to ask for T3 and iodine to be tested. Its normal to feel some side effects when you first start thyroxine e.g., jitteryness but this should settle and you start to feel ok. If you do not start to feel ok, and still feel hypothyroid (overtired etc) after about 4 weeks on thyroxine, despite your TSH and FT4 getting into the normal range, you may need to check T3 because some patients have a problem converting T4 into T3 and occasionally, T3 supplementation may be necessary.

Knowing your iodine level will help you determine whether iodine is causing your thyroid problems and whether you should be on iodine supplements/changing your diet. If your results show a problem with antithyroid antibodies, you probably want to also ask for selenium, so you can determine whether you need extra selenium. A dose of 200-400mcg of organic selenium is often suggested. Bear in mind that too much iodine can make hashimotos (autoimmune thyroid disease) worse, particularly if selenium is low - so you must not take iodine containing supplements without a doctors' permission and ensuring your selenium is ok first if you have hashimotos. Too much selenium is toxic and linked to increased risk of diabetes, so you should ideally get your levels checked especially if you intend on taking a high dose for a long period.

Bear in mind that estrogen binds to T4 so high levels of estrogen will reduce Free-T4. After an IVF cycle, pregnancy/miscarriage or being on estrogen containing medication, you might need to wait for at least 4 weeks to get an accurate T4 level. Also, remember that the thyroid system is supposed to be dynamic - your body uses TSH to lever up and down your Free-T4 levels in order to set the body's 'thermostat'. So it should respond to extra demands by changing your TSH and FT4. Its therefore normal for your thyroid results to keep changing. What you are looking for is to get them into a good place before your fertility treatment starts, to give you some headroom in case estrogen pushes up your TSH and down your FT4, then to make sure they stay adequate when you are pregnant to give baby the right supply of thyroid hormones, particularly in the early weeks of pregnancy before baby can make his own thyroid hormones.

Steroids like prednisolone sometimes suppress TSH, so your doc is supposed to pay more attention to your FT4 level and possibly ignore an artificially low TSH level if you are on pred.

21.3.4 What causes thyroid problems?

- the main cause worldwide is iodine deficiency - a recent study on schoolgirls in the UK found mild deficiency in 51%, moderate deficiency in 16% and severe deficiency in 1% - so its safe to say that iodine deficiency is common in the UK - but excessive iodine can also cause/exacerbate thyroid disease (particularly if there is a selenium deficiency).
- another major cause is autoimmune disease of the thyroid gland caused by antithyroid antibodies (hashimoto's or grave's disease).

Soya protein, brussels sprouts, broccoli, rutabaga/swede, turnips, kohlrabi, radishes, cauliflower, African cassava, millet, cabbage and kale are called goitrogenic foods and can also exacerbate thyroid disease.

21.3.5 What are the symptoms of under or overactive thyroid?

Bear in mind that underactive thyroid that is sufficient to be reduce the chance of getting/staying pregnant may be symptomless. Overactive thyroid that is severe enough to reduce your chances will normally have obvious symptoms. You can get a list of the symptoms here:

http://thyroid.about.com/cs/basics_starthere/a/symptoms.

The website ladies I mentioned to show your GP if they state it's ok for it to be over 2 (when it isn't) is:

http://www.cks.nhs.uk/hypothyroidism/management/scenario_preconception_or_pregnant

B xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

That's interesting Beth - I never knew that pred could affect TSH. I've been getting thyroid symptoms, but my GP won't entertain the idea of increasing my thyroxine. Had a blood test the other week, and I did ask for T3/4 to be looked at.
Got to call prof Quenby @ 7pm to discuss my biopsy result.
  to all the gang xx


----------



## rory2011

Sl4e good luck with the call hope you get good news xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Thank you Rory!    calls kept going to voicemail....double checked my emails to make sure I'd got the date/time/number correct, left a message in case they used the voicemail to 'vet' calls before picking up but nothing doing. Emailed the sec to see what went wrong.
At least it's a good night on the telly to diffuse the strop    Really enjoying Hunted, and enough of a saddo to record I'm a celeb.


----------



## rory2011

Oh no how annoying. Hope you hear soon. Ooh yes we have been watching hunted too. Although the pouting of the main character can be annoying at time!


----------



## bethholm

I agree- she is terribly pouty (and thin- grrrrrrrr!)

B x


----------



## longtimewaiting

the pouting in the first couple of episodes almost put us off watching! Xxx

SL4E - hope they get back to you today with results and an apology.


----------



## Susieque44

Hello Ladies

Hope you are all well, I was hoping that someone could point me in the right direction. After 7 failed IVF's I would like to look at using donor eggs at Serum and l just have a few questions .......

Firstly how do I make a appointment to get the ball rolling ?? Do l go over there to start with or later in the treatment ? And long will l have to wait ?

I have had never had any positive preg tests so I'm also wondering if they will be able to continue looking into this for me .... And also do you get any frozen eggs ??

Sorry for all the questions ladies xxxxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hi leeanne!

So sorry to hear about your bfns hun... It's heart breaking! Hugs hun

I suggest you start here- the first page contains all the links you need

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=295382.0

Xxx
Brum


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

On the other questions, 

Perhaps email serum- all the info in the threads and agate's FAQs on Serum and ardange for a telephone consultation.
See if Penny thinks you may need a hysteroscopy - if she says that you could benefit from  it serum could arrange it for you and you can then have a face to face with Penny to go over the findings and to discuss tge way forward. 
Penny does frozen cycles and i'm sure she won't turn you away my lovely, she's a really caring woman and will do her best to help you! 

Read through the info and get the ball rolling! We're here if you have any questions! 
Xxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Leeanne - so sorry to hear about all your BFNs. Are you still waiting to test on 20 Nov? I'm afraid I don't know about DE but I first made contact with Penny through the Serum website - there is a form to complete on there - I emailed the form and some specific questions and Penny came back to me really quickly.

If you've not looked at it already, you might also find Agate's guide to learning from your failed cycles helpful - hopefully this link will work http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=283000.0

LTW x x x


----------



## Jammy J

I have to agree, penny at serum will look after you with open arms. X


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello  to Leeanne and JAH,   
LTW, lovely to see from your sig that all is going well.
When I checked my emails late last night, the consultant had emailed an apology that the calls had overrun due to patients having a lot of questions, asking me to call last night if I could, by the time I saw that it was too late. Not heard a thing today, other than an automated response from sec's email to say she is out of office til tuesday. Marvellous   . Consultant would have had my number, surely, to try and ring me..  
My 10 yo niece rang last night to ask if she could come over tomorrow to do her homework cos her computer is broken, that's fine as long as her mother & MIL don't drop her off then swan off shopping for the rest of the day, as has been known.
Had a cuddle of friend's 5 day old bubba today, it was OK, didn't feel a thing, gosh I'm turning into a hard-faced cow.
Fed up already tho of that baby bump presenting children in need.
Wishing everyone a blissfully chilled ( in the relaxed, not literal, sense) weekend xxx


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone,

Can I join you please?
Just had my 4th BFN this week  

Really don't know what to do. As you can see we had 1st ICSI BFN followed by 2 lots of FET with 2 BFN. Our recent ICSI resulted in 2 blasts with no frosties and a BFN. 

I need some advice from you lovely lot as you all seem so positive and I'm feeling so negative.
Someone has mentioned immune treatment but I don't know much about it or who offers it. Not sure if we should change our clinic? What other options are there. Am I missing something?

Any advice would be great as I'm   thinking I've missed something. We can't afford to keep going and going.

I need help!!!!!

Thanks x


----------



## Susieque44

Ladies

Thank you for all your lovely replies, I will read all the links for info - it's always so hard to try and understand what to do for the best. I have a appointment with Dr George at Zita West in December he was my previous Doctor at Care Nottingham but l feel like they don't look into my case individually.

My beautiful friend yesterday offered to be a host surrogate for me and my sister has offered her eggs which is amazing but I'm not sure my hubbie wants to go down this route.

Thank you all

Xxxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello Mogster   . I'm not good at posting links, but Agate has a whole file on immunes, I think you'll find it in the 'Starting Out' section.
Whereabouts are you? Immunes can be tested in several places, but a lot of ladies seem to find that Serum in Athens offers the best value, even adding in the cost of travel & accomodation. There's Dr Gorgy in London, but he charges mega bucks. There's a certain amount of basic stuff your clinic should be able to test for, if they haven't already. We're always happy to welcome new ladies, although we wish that you hadn't needed to make your way here   
Leeanne, is there still scope to hope for good news on tuesday my love?
Saw GP for letter re gym....can't do more than swimming til I've had a hip Xray. Desperate times call for desperate measures, glugging slimfast.....


----------



## patiently queuing

Hey ladies,

Sorry to crash your thread; I hope you don't mind.  I'm wondering if there's any advice anyone can offer me?  

DH and I have been trying (what seems like) forever to try and get pg.  We had 6 goes with OE but as those didn't work decided to move to DE in case my eggs had issues due to my age (>35).  We've now had 4 DE cycles and still not even a chemical.  DH will not consider DS, and all the test results show he shouldn't need to.  There doesn't appear to be anything wrong with me either, other than minor immune issues on and off (which I believe most/all people would get if they tested often enough!).  

Has anyone been through anything similar but ended up with a BFP?  I'm at a bit of a cross roads in terms of deciding where to go next, and we want to make sure we choose the right clinic.  Somewhere that specialises in multiple failures, and possible MF/implantation (not Greece though).  I'm looking at the Czech Republic, Spain, US and South Africa, but now my head's in a bit of a whirl    I will use ARGC/Gorgy for immune tx at the time of a cycle, so I don't need a clinic specialising in this.  

Any words of wisdom/hope??


----------



## Susieque44

Hello

Seemslike4ever - I've tested today day 16 and yesterday and not even a hint of a line boo hoo !! I often wonder why l tell all my friends / family that I'm doing ivf again because one of the hardest parts is telling them its not worked again - love them all loads xxxx

Patiently queuing - it's so hard to get all the answers we need - l feel like most of the ivf clinics are like cash cows and are just taking the money but not offering any answers  - have you ever been to see Dr George at Zita West  - I'm the same as you I've never had even a faint line even with 2 full immune cycles - I feel like my only opinion is too look at surrogacy even though that is the last opinion xxxxxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Leeanne,   . Are you doing bloods just in case? From the beginning, after 2nd BFN, we stopped telling people....thought being, we'll just act proper surprised when we do get there. 
Hello & welcome PQ - one of my dearest friends got pregnant on #17, and had her baby boy in June. No immune testing or treatment, it was purely luck - her number had come up at last! It was #3 with DE & DS at a small clinic in Czech. The consultant there said to me on my first visit, sometimes it's just sheer perseverance which gets you there. easier for him to say, it does take it's toll on you and your partner. I'm waiting for my follow up from the implantation Failure clinic at CRM in Coventry, before I head back out to Sanus, in Czech. Reprofit also has a good track record. 
Well, just as I suspected this afternoon, child was delivered, MIL & SIL went shopping. I now know all about the 12 labours of Heracles, and life in ancient Greece!!!!


----------



## patiently queuing

*Leeanne:* I totally agreed; most IVF clinics do try to get the money out of us... that's largely why I won't cycle in the UK any more. They seem to have lost sight of what's important, i.e. us as individuals, and are only going for the easy wins. I tried to see George Nduwke at Zita West but there was a massive waiting list; I can't see that he's any/much different from Gorgy/ARGC/Lister on the immunes front though, and I have access to those. I've had surrogacy mentioned to me as well, but that really is my last option, and I'm not sure I'd want to do that with DE, only OE, and then I don't know that it would work. It would almost be easier if they could tell me exactly what's wrong  You never know though, this time 'might' be the one for you 

*seemslike4eva:* Thanks for your friend's story. Maybe it is just a numbers game; I kind of figure though with 31 (apparently perfect) embies transferred into me now, surely one would've tried to stick? I'll have a look at Sanus and Reprofit; thanks.


----------



## lil&#039; one

lovely ladies  

Monster - welcome to our thread.  I am sorry to read of your bfn.  We had our immune testing at our gp surgery, I think it was level 1 included karyotype testing.  Our gp is really supportive, I know others are a bit money concieous at the mo......don't get me started on that one   

Patiently queuing - hello to you too.  I can thoroughly recoomend create.  They have a very gental approach as far aas possible.  Our journey has been relatively straight forward, I don't know if they are what you,re looking for....depends where you live too  

Leanne - so sorry  .  We have stopped telling people about our cycles, it's just too hard.  Make sure you look after yyou first....this is hard enough  

SL4E - what a good soul you are  .  Hope you can get into the swimming.  Loosing weight is an uphill struggle.

Beth - how are you going....still looking good  

Hi to all the ladies out there....Brumbar, Rach, LTW, Rory....and anyone else out there.

Afm still waiting to cycle in january, have booked to go away for xmas. Just the two of us, child free, family don't really get it, never mimind,

Lil one


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, hoping everyone is OK. A very big hi to all the new ladies...... sorry you find yourself here. 

It's been an up and down last couple of weeks for me. Trying to get ready to cycle at the end of the month with Penny but I am so scared about it all. Not worried about the treatment just scared of the outcome if its bad - which it usually is. Am trying to keep positive but its hard going through it all again. Am looking forwards to cycling in another country though as i think it could be more relaxing and it would be nice just to get away from normal everyday life.  Am trying to loose weight at Fat club but i hardly eat anything and then only loose a pound! so depressing and I'm starving! lol. Finally finished the antib's so DP has stopped moaning about how rubbish he feels on them. I just don't feel right at the moment. I'm not ill just tired all the time and lacking in motivation to do anything. Oh well onwards and upwards. 

Rach x


----------



## rory2011

Hey ladies
Welcome to the new ladies, sorry you are hear but hopefully you will find it a great support. 
Rach sorry to hear that your not having a great time...hope you feel more lie yourself soon.

Well we finish our anti b's next sat...can't wait. Every time I think I am doing ok on them I then start to feel ill. 
In 4weeks time we will be on our way back from Athens. Looking forward to going. I hope they do find a problem as its just really getting to me now, not knowing what has caused our if. I am now thinking perhaps its me and its all in my head. I don't know, just keep driving myself mad with it all. 

Lil one..sounds like a good plan the holiday. I am looking forward to our mini break in Athens. Need to get a Guide book to see what sights we should see. 

Hope you have all had a lovely weekend


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Good morning lovelies!
Lil One, I so 'get' you going away for Christmas, and I think so will everyone else who is, or has been, in the same boat.
Rach and Rory, hope you enjoy your 'special' holidays.........that's how I've started thinking of my treatment trips. It's a holiday with a hospital visit....and if it's successful, then it's a bonus.
Prof Quenby's sec is back today, so maybe I'll get another phone appt sorted. 
Beth, thanks for the PM. Started the gluten free yesterday, no-one noticed that I'd switched the pasta   
Let's have some   , cos I like the dancing fairy icon xx


----------



## Jess81

hi Ladies, 
i have been reading but not posting... i just wanted to say to SL4E i cooked recently for a gluten free vegetarian.... i made roasted cherry tomato, caramilised onion and goats cheese tarts then made her apple pie for Pudding (everyone ate it and no one noticed) i will admit the pastry was a pain in the bum to work with but i know you can buy it ready made in tesco in the freezer section (i couldn't get it, they had sold out!!!!) anyway she said it was lovely and i now have a massive appreciation for people who are guten free and how hard it is to get stuff especially when they are veggie!!! 

hello to everyone and hope you are all doing ok 

Jess xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hello ladies

SL4E - i hope you get that call today  

Rory - hope today is an ok day on the ab.  They can be very nasty things, but you have your goal in sight now.  Athens will be beautiful this time of year, too.  We were there last year and loved it.

Rach - I hope you are feeling a bit better.  The worrying is just unavoidable, i've been through every possibility for if in my head too.  I   that Serum is the place for you.  I read only good things.

Hello everyone else, I hope you're ok  

Afm not great.  Had a complete melt down last night.  Did a silly thing by popping in on my original thread.  One of the ladies I first started cycling with years ago now has her second bfp on as many tries.  Of course I am happy for her, but why is this soooo hard  
Also had a horrible xmas chat with my mum last night.  We have been invited to a horrible family get together where everyone coos around the children who all behave terribly.  We may as well be dead to them all, they are only buying gifts for the folks with kids this year, too.  It's not about the gifts, just that we don't count.  I make it clear to mum how hard things are, she ignores me and says superficial and shallow things while constantly telling me how excited everyone is about my nephew.  I am such an outsider.  I really don't want to go at xmas, but maybe we should grin and bear it for a day? We'd need to see some of them anyway to give presents....what do you think?  

Lil one x


----------



## coweyes

Sorry i dont post on here any more, just doesnt seam appropriate!  But i always read the thread.


Lil' one


O i feel for you, been there with the big family events.  My brother lives aboard but when he comes home with his wife and 3 children, all under 5, my mum goes made.  She is just pleased to see them but, arranges loads of family meals where all my brothers come.  Which means 5 children in total 5 and younger.  Even before my brother has come home i feel really really really ratty with my family and hate the get together, i then go home and feel really guilty, cos if i dont go i dont get to see my brother.  Its a horrible and very confusing and conflicting head xxxx!


I remember 2 years ago, my brothers wife had just had their second child and was pregnant again.  So they now had a 3 year old a 8 month old and was 4 months pg!!!   think thats right.  Anyhow my mum wanted us to go around for a big family do and i just could not do it!  my mum was really unset and could not understand it, but my brother was totally fine.  I didnt want to have to say its cos of the child situation, but felt so guilty that i felt i had to. 


Maybe you could say you are having a quite Christmas this year, but leave the pressnets with a family member before hand so they get it.  Or just pop in for an hour.  Christmas is NOT JUST FOR CHILDREN! its for all of us and if its too child orientated for you and your not going to enjoy the day, then dont go!   .  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## wobs

Hi ladies

Coweyes - nice to hear from you.  Hope you're doing ok.  And please do post if you want to.   

Lil' one....have been there many times....Sometimes sadly people don't understand and I think in some ways families can be the worst - because you can't avoid as easily as friends...I have been v frank with my parents recently and I think they are beginning to get it but now they keep asking me how I am/no, how are you really...!!arrrrggggg - incidentally I'm not sure people who have had kids or chosen not to really understand at all even if they say they do.... Think only you can decide how much of Christmas you can bear.  I usually dread it but in the end really enjoy it.  We have some lovely neices & nephews and I actually enjoy playing with them & then handing them back.  What about going on holiday?  Or can you see DH's family instead or is that as bad??  Hope you come up with a solution you are happy with.  

Hi everyone else
No news from me...just plodding along!  

Wobs
x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

good afternoon!
Jess, yummm...will look out for the ready rolled pastry next time I'm in a big Tesco.
Nice to see you coweyes, glad to know you're keeping up with us, and don't forget we ARE happy for you, & look forward to hearing about your new arrival.
Lil One, still haven't heard from the consultant, thank you for reminding me to chase that up. I hope you can find a compromise your happy with, over the Christmas gathering. We have the whole jolly band of outlaws for Xmas day, boxing Day & new years day. We have the biggest house, even when we move to the smaller place we'll still have the biggest living room   , so nothing will change. In a strange way that makes it easier cos I'm so busy cooking and doing, that I don't have time to reflect.
Wobs, I really enjoy my nieces and nephews too, the love I feel for them as individuals outweighs the resentment I feel at the ease of their conceptions - if that makes sense?
Hope everyone else is doing OK xx


----------



## coweyes

Seemslike4eva  thank you, i know your all happy for me but i just dont want to rub your noses in it.


I know for my mum, she is very family orintated, and even though she is very supportive she could not really understand how the hurt of not being able to have a baby, superseeded the need to go to all these family get togethers.  I think that others dont understand the grip that infertility holds on you, and how social situations can affect you.  I always felt disconnected and slightly resentful of these situation.


Its odd even being pregnant i still feel slightly disconnected from others who are pregnant or have children,  My sil said to me the other day, how come you never moan about being pregnant, she joked about wanting to see me rub my belly and moan, i felt like saying frankly im too greatful to do that    .  Its very odd, peoples perception that being pregnant intitles you to moan, very odd.


----------



## bethholm

Cowseyes- lovely to hear from you.xxx

I agree with the other ladies,Christmas is for everyone and only you (not even to some extent DHs) will know how much you can deal with re children at Christmas.I couldn't see DH's baby granddaughter until I was 3 months as it broke my heart to see him fussing over a baby that wasn't ours. Other ladies (including those on other threads) told me off for not seeing her but it was too much.You are totally entitled to be selfish- put yourselves first.If it means going away at Chrismas or just popping in for an hour,then so be it.It's your Christmas after all and for those who don't understand, b***** them - they are not as important as you are.

B x


----------



## Jess81

hi ladies, 
L'one... i know how u feel hun, recently DH's cousin announced she was pg with no2. she had alot of problems conceving and had a couple of miscarrages, i spoke to her because she said i knew how she felt. we talked for a long time about it. then she dropped the bombshell... i was organising a birthday party for DH and 3 days before she said she couldn't come coz of illness... now i'm a pretty suspicious person anyway so guessed she was pg. she then Facebooked me... yes i said facebooked me and told me she was pg but didn't want to say anything until her scan, i went MENTAL!!!! i emailed her back and said i felt used and betrayed (prob a bit ott but thats how i felt at the time!) i then found out it wasn't her 12 week scan it was her 20 week scan!!!! i still haven't congratulated them because i can't and she doesn't live local so it's not like we see them often prob only twice a year... but i have told DH i don't want to see them i just can't forgive her for her lack of honesty she knows about the ivf and the eptopic pg ect, DH has gone along (unhappily)  with it as i would never stop them seeing it but i'm just not interested.  

i think you need to go with your gut intinct if you don't want to go don't. it's not worth it making you feel worse about it if you can avoid it. 

xxx


----------



## rory2011

Sl4e hope you hear about your results soon...must be really frustrating not to have heard anything yet.

Lil one hope you decide about whats best for you at Christmas.  If its  too much to deal with the kids perhaps stay away or just go round for a short amount of time.  I know what you mean about everyone else getting pregnant and feeling left behind. All except one of my friends from home have kids and last year I didn't arrange to see them. Just couldn't cope with my childless friend telling me she was preggers...which she wasn't but got it in my head that if we met up she would be telling me her good news. Mad  I know.

Hi cow eyes nice to hear from you.

Nearly finished the anti b's .....last day Saturday! Not feeling too bad. I have decided that I can cope with the sickness when I get it and its just practice for morning sickness!!


----------



## lil&#039; one

Thank you, ladies,
Your words of wisdom have made me feel so much better.....I know I am not the only one....
Lil one


----------



## Michimoo

Hi Ladies,

I'm back again. I pop in from time to time.

I have taken a break from ff for about a month & don't really feel like I belong on any threads anymore.

All the threads I started or joined everyone has now moved on & I'm still stuck at a stand still in exactly the same place as this time last year.

Feeling sorry for myself & have this horrible gut feeling I'm never going to have my own child.


----------



## Rosa1939

Morning everyone,

LilOne, I know what you mean about Christmas, it's always a strange time of year (I half look forward to it, half dread it!).  I am of the opinion that if you are dreading something that much, make your excuses and don't do it. I know its not always as easy as that, but in a way it is!  

Hi Coweyes, hope you and bump are doing well.x

Michimoo, I often take a break from FF too, it can get a little overwhelming sometimes!  I can really relate to that gut feeling of it never happening, for me it's like i literally cannot imagine it any more and then i feel like it's me thinking like that which is stopping it from happening!  I hope that makes some kind of sense.  Hope you feel better soon. Hugs to you. x

AFM, I am back in contact with Penny at Serum to tentatively think about doing donor egg cycle.  She is so good at answering any questions, and has suggested a stimulated cycle again but with donor as back up.  Sounds interesting but am in no rush so will be early next year if we decide to go ahead.  It will be OE cycle number 8 and not sure that i want to put myself through it all again and may just go straight for donor but emotional issues to reslove before then.  I'm going to have counselling and hope that the right path becomes clear.

Hello to everyone, hope everyone is doing ok.  
Rx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all hoping everyone is ok. 

In a bit of a panic this morning as AF has arrived 2 days early! typically on a sunday so i will have to wait until tomorrow to get a scan. Then its time to e mail the results to Penny to start my cycle with her. So hoping everything is ok and i get the go ahead. So I'm a bit in limbo today - can't really organise anything til Penny has given the go ahead. So the one day i have time to sort things out and i can't do anything.  Got such a busy week at work this week - running exams all day tuesday and wednesday so i know everything is gonna be a bit of a panic. 

I know what you mean with christmas! I've had really long talks with family this year and warned them that i will me a mess if this cycle is unsuccessful ! which with my history is more than likely and guess what day i would find out. Yep you've got it christmas day! I can predict a disaster on the horizon. 

Anyway - am gonna go to the gym to workout some of the frustration and maybe cook a nice roast to take my mind off everything. 

Sending love to all x

Rach x


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone how are you all?

Been a busy week for me but have popped on now and again to see any updates.

*Rach* I know frustrating AF arriving can be. Mine is never regular and just when it seems to get in a pattern it suddenly stops. Before all of my treatment it has messed up making us have to change all our dates. I'm sure it will all work out in the end.

*Lil One* Christmas is always a difficult time when all the family is around and although they try people can't help saying the wrong thing. They also can not begin to imagine what it feels like. I'm not looking forward to it at all :0( Don't think I'd ever do a cycle so close to Christmas again. I am feeling better but know I'm going to be tearful on the BIG day 

*AFM* Had a busy week. Went to an open evening at a different clinic but didn't really find out much more than I already know. Went to an adoption talk which my DH and I have decided that even if our dream does come true and we have a child of our own we are still going to adopt as well.  Have sort of decided to have another go even though I'm. It sure how I will cope. Going to try and visit another clinic before going back to see my doctor. Have purchased the Zita West book so that will be my bedtime reading from now on.

Take care everyone and  that our dreams come true x


----------



## rory2011

Rach af always plays up when you want it to be on time. Hope you get the go ahead from penny.

Afm, finally finished the anti b's! Looking forward to going to Athens in a few weeks time. I do hope we Find a problem! 

Mogster are you going to change clinic? We looked at a couple nearby before changing ours. 

Hope you are all well and have had a nice weekend!


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Just back from a weekend conference on counselling skills, interesting but exhausting. 
Michmoo, I do hope you'll always feel like you belong here   
Rach and Rory hope for you that the inclement weather doesn't affect your flights or travel plans in any way.
I had an email from my clinic in Czech to ask if i could delay until jan/feb because there isn't a suitable donor this month - suits me, i won't be stressed out from my house move, and we'll have the cash sorted too....just another Christmas without a hint of pregnancy, but what's new?
Lots of love to everyone xx


----------



## Mogster

*Rory* We may change our clinic but not sure where. We are still looking into it. So much to think about. What were the anti-b's you were taking if you don't mind me asking Were they because something showed up on a test?
I have just brought the Zita West book in the hope of finding out as much as I can as we feel we may have missed something.

Sending      to everyone


----------



## rory2011

Mogster, I had hidden c . I had the Greek tests done which picked it up. 
Hope you make a decision about clinics soon. Ours was quite easy as our old clinic wouldn't look I to further issues or where very rigid with the protocol available. 

Sl4e , hope the house move goes well...probably a good thing that you're not cycling at the same time. I hope that the weather stays ok and no strikes in Greece over the next few weeks. 

Rach, I hope you got your scan sorted and its all good to go with penny.

Hello to everyone else xx


----------



## Praying for a miracle

Hi ladies
Can I join this thread? 
As you can see from my signature I qualify for multiple bfn   
It wold be nice to keep in touch with you all now and again for
Advice and a rant! 
Just on the topic of advice, has anybody had immune testing and if so where did you go? 
I am aware of Dr G in London but wondered about anywhere else.

Laura


----------



## bethholm

PFM-welcome to the thread,although I am sorry that you find yourself on here.This thread is incredibly supportive though! Re immunes, I went and had mine through Mr G although personally,I wouldn't again (if you want more details then I'll PM you) and would therefore recommend Level 2 tests through Dr Economou in Athens.He can be contacted via Serum clinic and charges at least, if not more than a third less than Mr G for exactly the same tests... 

Let me know if you need any more information on immunes.Have you had a hysto at all?

B x


----------



## Praying for a miracle

Thanks for the response
If you could tell me your experience that would be gret. 
Laura


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, Hoping everyone is well. 

Welcome to 'Praying for a Miracle' Beth is right this is a very supportive thread and i would have to say the best one on here due to all it's lovely ladies. 

Hi Rory bet your glad to be off those antib's - I was off them for just over a week and now I'm on them again for a cycle. Forgot to take one lot on a full stomach yesterday so was sick as a dog. You would have thought i would have remembers as i was on antib's for six weeks only a couple of weeks ago.  

Mogster - hope you find the right clinic for you. I thought my old clinic was quite good until i found serum.

Well I had my scan and have had the all clear to start from Penny. started meds on Tuesday and with three injections in my stomach a day (never been on a protocol like this before) I am just about getting use to it all again. My stomach looks like a pin cushion already and is already bruised from the clexan. Am running around like a blue ass fly trying to get everything sorted. Have also run two 6 hour exams at school, been to two meetings and fat club. I'll be glad to get to Athens for a break! fly to Athens on Friday.

Sending hugs to everyone.

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach      
PFM, hello and welcome.
Bit bullet and joined gym today....


----------



## Praying for a miracle

Guys, again thanks for the welcome
I've been on many posts in the past with not even a response.

Rach, excellent news in starting again its a great feeling isn't it..come on we can do it.

Seemslive4eva, good luck with the gym, it's not easy on those dark mornings and nights but will
Make you feel great.

B, thanks 4 the PM

Well I'm going to ring Liverpool women's hospital today to enquire on a uterine biopsy. Let's hope I can get in ASAP. 

Have a good day ladies.

Laura


----------



## seemedlike4eva

PFM - I booked myself in quite quickly at CRM in Coventry, just having a technical hitch with my phone follow-up, if there's a huge delay in Liverpool.
I do feel brighter today after a little exercise, and a gluten-reduced diet   . I'm going to try the aqua class tomorrow..
How's everyone? Not long til the weekend, I'm going to have a saturday to myself, bliss, well that's the plan so far x


----------



## rory2011

Hi pfm I a going to Athens in  less than2weeks time for immune testing with dr e. We decided to go there mainly because of the cost (and we get a mini holiday by going there) and because of the recommendations by the ladies on here. It is still working out as half the cost of dr g including flights and accommodation..we are staying for 4 days so could have been cheaper but we thought we needed a break too.

Sl4e hope the gym is being kind to you! 

Rach, Friday tomorrow...how long are you going to be in Athens for? I hated the clexane injections as I had just giant bruises on my tum. Eventually I did master the technique of injecting those!


----------



## bethholm

Rachel- thinking of you and hope all goes well in Athens.Please keep in touch with us and let us know how it's going.

Take care.

B xxx


----------



## AUSSIE1

Hi everyone!
I haven't been on here in such a long time but I feel so low. I have had to put up with yet another pregnancy announcement today. The person in question has had two children in the time I have been on this journey!
I can't work out why it makes me feel so much hatred. I was always a very genuine and happy person but this is making me so unhappy.
How do we keep getting up each morning and pretending everyone is good in our worlds?

I hope you are all doing ok and today is one of the good days for you!

Xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies

How are you all doing?

SL4E - glad the exercise is making you feel better, it always makes me feel good too, but getting there sometimes is hard  

Praying - how did the consult go? What's the theory for the biopsy?

Rach - i think you go to Athens tomorrow - good luck  

Aussie - I so get how you feel.  We did a goodbye to someone today, secong baby while we've been ttc.  I sometimes feel everyone is looking at my artificial smile.....it is too hard  

Beth - how are you going?

Thanks for you xmas thoughts, I am feeling better about it, although wwe do still need to do family get ttogether, but at least it'll be over before xmas.

Have good weekends ladies

Lil one


----------



## coweyes

Aussie

My fil totally summed it up for me last year when my sil had just had her baby.  He said its cos you feel as if you deserve it more as you have tried so much harder!, i hate to say it but that was exactly how i felt.  Its only natural to feel the injustace of it all.  xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Mogster

Hi all,

*Coweyes* we were thinking of going with Guys. Do they do evening or wkend appointments do you know? I'd have to get train to appointments etc and struggle to get time off work. Any info would be fab thanks 

Hi everyone else how are you all?

Look after yourselves and  your dream comes true


----------



## bethholm

Aussie- we all understand on here,that's what makes this thread so brilliant.Every pregnancy news is like a dagger in your heart,especially when accompanied with the classic 'and we weren't even trying' quote.Many of my IVF friends were on to their second too and I felt so left behind.The lowest point for me was when DH's DD got pregnant after a one night stand Christmas quick sh** aged literally just turned 16.That almost totally broke me, but you have, somehow, cliched as it sounds, got to keep the faith and always hope and we are all here to help you to do just that.

Massive hugs my lovely,

B xxx


----------



## Praying for a miracle

Hiya Iil one

My consultant recommended the biopsy as he believed that this is more effective for identifying any Nkc that
May be affecting my treatment.
He would not sign me off for bloods as I enquired at care in Manchester, he advised that if I was unde the weather or fighting a cold etc the bloods would be a waste of time and money and pointed me in the direction of Liverpool women's hospital.
I called them yesterday and spoke to a lady called Gemma, she was fantastic. 
They are going to fit me in pretty much straight away, because I live in the north east and Liverpool is a 3 hour drive they advised I could do my consultation and biopsy in the same day to save on travel. 
I need to give them a call when I get the smiley face on the ovulation sticks and go down a few days later as that's when you need to have it done. 
I advised that it may be Xmas week or inbetweeners Xmas and new year when I need to come down nd they did not see that as an issue. 

Congratulations on all the BFP...!

Laura


----------



## waikiki

I feel your pain Aussie, a colleague who has been off sick all week just came in today to announce that she's 12 weeks pregnant.  She very kindly shoved the scan pictures under my nose before even announcing her 'happy news' and then proceeded to moan about how ill she feels and how it was 'quite a shock' when it happened so quickly because they'd only just started trying.  Roll on another 6 months of daily torture at work.


----------



## longtimewaiting

Just want to pop in and wish Rach tons of luck, you will relax when you get to Athens - enjoy it as a holiday too x x x 

Welcome to the new ladies and hello to old friends. 

I met Winegum yesterday, so lovely to meet in person, she was a huge help to me on this thread a year or so ago, some of you will remember her. I hope you all get the help you need to keep going. 

LTW xxxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone, thank you so much for all the good luck wishes. You are all such a lovely group of ladies i don't know what i would do without you. Well i've safe and sound in athens. In a nice apartment, just been to the supermarket to get some supplies. trying to understand greek was pretty funny. Not really sure what food i brought really. getting a bit emotional on these meds but hay ho! and stomach is growing a treat. don't you just hate the fact you look pregnant every cycle even when you are not. Will keep in touch x x x x Rach x


----------



## Rosa1939

Just a quick post to say good luck to Rach, hope all goes well. X

Hello to everyone else, hope everyone is ok xx


----------



## Parny

Hi girls please can I join you all? 

I just had my third (cant really say bfn) because I never get that far! Af came on 10pt again. Started spotting on day 8 then proper af 2 days later. Feeling pretty down at the moment but I will be fine I know because we always are aren't we?! 

Well any way that was yesterday and I couldn't believe on the same day the girl I sit opposite at work announced she is 6 weeks pregnant. Not great timing any way been putting a brave face on when I really want to scream and cry!! It's not that I'm not happy for her because of course I am I wouldn't wish this on any body. What makes me cross is she is still smoking! Cut down "ooh well done"! And already she is rubbing her tummy and saying how bad she feels sick and hormonal. I don't think I can take months of moaning I don't care how bad I felt for 9 months I would be thrilled I was having a baby! 

Sorry my post is a bit of a rant just wanted to get it out with people who know how this feels. 

Thanks for listening xxx


----------



## Praying for a miracle

Hi parny
Welcome, however sorry that you have had no success.
On my 3rd fresh cycle I also got my AF 8 days after transfer, I was devastated as I felt my little ones did not even have a fighting chance!
On my other 2 Fresh cycles I got my AF on day 10 and 11.
I have fell twice on a FET where they already up your dose of progesterone to 3 per day instead of 2 on a fresh.
So..for my next fresh cycle I m demanding 3 progesterone per day to see if that helps, I wished I asked sooner. 
I can totally relate to where you are coming from with other pregnancy stories, your like yes I get it you are pregnant! It's as if they are rubbing it in, you want to be happy but you cannot it's absolutely normal not I be. 
Also Xmas is fast approaching, I cannot wait for he dreaded day to be over. 
Laura. Xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Morning ladies thank goodness it's the weekend.

Laura I to bleed before otd, on all my fresh cycles its been an early bleed & on my FET I was told is was my HRT that actually kept it away as I still only took 3 cyclogest. Since moving to my fantastic new clinic they have ran alot of tests on my and I'm going to take multiple immunes drugs and I'm going to inject gestone which is a intramuscular progesterone this should keep my progesterone levels up! Maybe you could ask about the gestone it's for ladies who bleed early and need the bigger progesterone level. 

Hope everyone is ok, hello to newbies on here and hello to all the old faces. Beth hope bumps ok? SLF did you get to speak with Prof Quenby? 

AFM I'm just wanted Christmas & New Year over, I don't particularly like the festive season which is a shame but 2013 may change that feeling and bring me bump!! Fingers & Toes crossed for all of us xxx


----------



## Jess81

Hey ladies, 

I too bled early on cycles 1,2,so I now have gestone injections. I don't find they hurt at all but I can't do them so dh does them for me.... 

I also have assisted hatching they think the "shells" are tougher so that's why they never implanted, since I had gestone I had 2 BFP I resulting in eptopic and another chemial  but at least I feel that the gestone was the answer for us. 

I had nk biopsy with prof quenby, she is very sweet and explains it all very well. I'm now on steroids and thyroxine for high thyroid antibodies.... I asked the clinic a couple weeks ago if there was anything else I could take and they said no I'm on everything lol!! 

I'm due to start our 5th tx FET on 17th Dec and hoping its going to be the last one!! 

Hope your all ok 

Jess xx


----------



## Mogster

Morning everyone how are you all?

I'm feeling a bit low today. DH wants me to go with him to see his niece and nephew and I just can't face it   
He doesn't seem to get it. I work in a school so have children round me all day and baby brothers and sisters not forgetting all the pregnant mothers. The last thing I want to do is see kids at wkend. Then we have family meal on Sunday as its my dads birthday and my nephews will be there. Wish I could just get away from it all  

Sorry it's a me post but not feeling the   today


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, Just a quick question...for those who have been to athens.. where are the best places to visit in athens? especially on a sunday? any suggestions would be welcome.  where did you guys visit? what sort of things did you do? Rach x x x


----------



## bethholm

Rach- think you are lucky as I think the first Sunday in each month is free admission to the Acropolis... The streets around there are all cobbled and lovely too albeit touristy.The museum next to The Acropolis is good too according to DH.

Thinking of you.

B xxxxx


----------



## Rach76

Thanks Beth thats were we are gonna go tomorrow now x x x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Jess I to have been to see prof Quenby & Prof Brosen who's just adorable!! I'm taking steroids, clexane, gestone & having Intralipids and that's on top of my extra frolic acid, vit D3, buserelin, menopur etc etc.. Are you at a clinic in the midlands? I've just moved from crappy Birmingham Women's to MFS who are just amazing. 

Roll on January xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Grr just  lost a huge post! 
Rach, have a fab day at the Acropolis.
Welcome  Parny.
Jess, hope and pray for this cycle.
Waikiki, hello! 
HBK, due to speak to Prof Q on thurs, she was on leave for 2 weeks.
Have a wonderful day everyone x


----------



## Jess81

Hi HBK, 
no i'm down south at Salisbury Fertility Centre. I'm too on steriods and Gestone, but they don't think there is anything else i can take! 

we will see what happens with this one!! fx i don't have to have any more  

xx


----------



## Rosa1939

Hi all,

Hope everyone is doing well.  I'm sneaking on again at work!  

Jess, I popped on to ask you a quick question, I see from your signature that you are on thyroxine for high thyroid antibodies.  I also have high antibodies, can't remember exact figure but think its something like 590! but no symptoms of thytoid problems, and all other levels good.  All I was told is that I may have thyroid problems in the future and when I enquired about taking a small dose of thyroxine during my last IVF cycle (or just before) I was told no need.  What were you advised by your clinic/GP? What are your levels if you don't mind my asking.  Are you on thyroxine permanently or just before a treatment?  Any advice would be great.  

Also, does anyone know how to find old posts and replies?  I did post something similar to this question on here a while ago and Agate kindly replied with some good advice but cannot find it.

Rach, hope all is going smoothly in Athens. 

Mogster, hope you feel better soon, hug to you.x

Hello to everyone else,

Rx


----------



## Jess81

Hi Rosa, 
i must admit i did kick up a bit of a fuss, My dads side of the family really suffer with it. I think mine were in the high 300's The clinic reluctently agreed and i was told to take them for 1 month before the start of any ivf i've been taking them for at least 6 months i wanted to make sure they were well and truely in my system. 

i should only be on them for the IVF and pregnancy if i get a BFP once the baby is born i would be able to come off them.

xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Rosa - you can search with a key word, or look via someone's posts if you know who it was.

Afm not good at all, maybe it's xmas but i've had a bit of a melt down, feeling soooooo sooooooo blue, and the royal thing is just another kick in the teeth.  Why do some people seem to sneeze and get pregnant?

Lil one


----------



## Rosa1939

Thanks jess, what dosage have they put you on? I'll try not to stress too much about it, doubt this is our problem but would like to cover all bases next time round. 

Thanks for the tip lil one, I try a search. I'm with you on the royal pregnancy thing, all over the news when I got in this evening! Going to try and zone it all out, hugs to you, hope you feel brighter soon, remember tomorrow is another day xx


----------



## Jess81

Rosa, I'm only on 50mg so a low dose. Yeah that's why I pretty much demanded it I just wanted to cover all bases too. 

If I were u if go back to the clinic and ask again hun, if they say no ask them why not.
Xx


----------



## Michimoo

Lill one- glad its not just me who turned off the news after hearing the Royal pregnancy!

I too had a meltdown last week. Think it's just the time of the year. I used to like Christmas until all this happened. Now it just symbolises another year gone when nothing happened!

Rach - hope that Penny can help. I've heard good things and will be watching closely.  

Mogster. -hope you are feeling a bit better. But this time of year always sucks. I guess it does pay to live in a hot Country all year round. I need a holiday, but this years money has gone on failed cycles.

Hi Parny - so sorry you've had a third failed. Sending  

Jess - did you have to push for assisted hatching as a lot of clinics don't like to do it anymore?

Hi to everyone else  

Xxxx


----------



## rory2011

Hi ladies

How are you all this evening? Rach how is it going in Athens? Is the weather ok? I can't believe we are going next week for our tests...hope they find something! 

Hbk how is it going? We will be going back to mfs after having our tests in Athens...was surprised that they suggested immune tests. They are a lovely bunch aren't they? 

Sl4e hope you get your results soon. Are you in the midlands, if so which clinic are you with? 

Mogster and lil one, so sorry to hear that you're down. The news really isn't helping is it? Xmas is a horrible reminder that another year goes by and still no pregnancy. Well at least this year I can drink as the last 2 I have been having treatment.


----------



## Jess81

Michimoo, no they suggested we do it after our 2nd cycle and as we were paying for our 3rd one I wanted to try something new so they suggested AH and Gestone. 

Apparently some women's "shells" can be hardened due to the drugs so it gives them a little helping hand, they can only do it up to day 2 and we have a day 2 in the freezer and they are going to AH this one when it comes out

Why don't they like to do it anymore?? 

Xx


----------



## bethholm

Rach- thinking of you.

I'm still cross and 'disappointed' with my favourite soap (Coronation St) with the IVF/surrogate storyline.Of course Tina would become pregnant on her first go (totally real- NOT!) plus there are so many discrepancies too- taking the POAS test in the afternoon on OTD,getting a negative on OTD and then 2 days later getting a positive and finally,going for a scan around 5 or very early 6 weeks pregnant and getting a HB.I mean, do they actually do any research?I was thrilled that IVF was going to be a storyline but so disappointed that they've made a complete hash of it.DH has me shouting at the TV when the storyline is on!


----------



## Michimoo

I don't watch Corrie & I'm glad I don't as I too would be screaming at the tele! 

Rach- I'm not 100% sure why they don't like to do AH anymore. I think they imply that tgere isn't that much evidence to support it makes any difference. However all women who have had it seem to of benighted some how so I will be asking for it again. I guess I can't force them!


----------



## Jess81

Mich, it def worked for me... Ok it didn't result in a baby yet but they implanted... I didn't have that before AH so I'm def sticking to it. 

Xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, just a quick hello to everyone. I'm doing ok. eggs are developing ok  - hating the fact i now look three months pregnant! Am enjoying exploring athens -  have mastered the metro and walked miles today.  Its been really sunny today but only 12 degrees. Bet thats warm compared to the minus tempretures in england at the moment. Having quality time with my mum which is nice as she lives two hours away from me in england so only see her every six weeks or so.  Penny told me today EC should be friday so told DP to book a fight and get here soon. He has got into mega organised mode now - never blinked an eye lid when i had to arrange everything for me and mum to get here - typical man!! feeling a bit sick and ill today due to the concoction of drugs i am on at the moment. but am enjoying not being at home or at work. Thanks for all the best wishes. Sending hugs to everyone. Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach, glad to hear it's going to plan, and that you're managing to enjoy Athens.
Mich and Lil One, with you on the royal pregnancy thing, as if Christmas isn''t enough to deal with.
Rory, yes i'm in Brum. I did have a consult with MFS, but then got NHS funding for 3 x IUI at B'ham Womens. Didn't really rate them, as never offered any explanation as to why IUIs failed. Decided to go abroad and try DE, but that hasn't worked - yet. Tried North Cyprus, it was OK but was terrified that I may end up with an olive-skinned baby. Switched to a Czech clinic on grounds that the general population there is very fair-skinned just like DH & Me. After 2 failed DFET, we've been offered a fresh cycle for price of frozen in new year - when a suitable donor available.
Beth, that whole Corrie IVF thing was just so smooth, grr
Have manged 3 trips to the health club so far, booked into aqua class again 2moro, just waiting for the scales to budge now!!!


----------



## bethholm

SL4- keep up the good work!!

Rach- we are all rooting for you back home.

B xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Good luck Rach. Will be thinking of you xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Well it's started snowing here which means the hysteria will begin at work.....happy days  

Rach - sounds like Athens is going to plan, and nice to have that time with your mum.  Me and nine are way past that  .  How's the weather...no snow I bet!

SL4E - good work with the health club - especially at this time of year too  

Corrie......paaaaaa.....I have been shouting at the tv for weeks too, so predictable...don't they know it helps no one to set unreasonable expectations.  

Afm am pulling myself together.  Had an email from my clinic yesterday to say they can prescribe gestone... .  Very happy as hoping that was our missing piece.

Wrap up warm ladies

Lil one


----------



## rory2011

Rach glad it's going we'll in Athens. 
Lil one good news about the gestone.
Jess, my clinic will do ah and we were thinking about having it last time but we had too many good ones to choose from so went to blast, also they couldn't see an obvious  problem with the egg shell.  Not sure what we will do next time but they feel it is more of an implantation potentially immune problem hence my trip to Athens next week.

Sl4e have fun at the aqua class. I used to prefer things like that to the actual gym.

Don't what Corrie but tv progs don't seem to use accurate info.....their researchers obviously aren't good at their jobs! 

Hi everyone else, hope you are all doing well today!


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone, thanks once again for all your words of support. I'm so emotional on all these drugs, a tear comes to my eye, as your messages really have touched me and have helped me get through everything. My mum thinks i'm a nutcase will hormones flying everywhere! 

Rory - hoping you are all sorted for your trip over here.
lil'one - glad you are feeling a bit better. Really nice to hear from you. No snow in athens!  
Beth and Michimoo - thanks for your kind words x
SL4E - have fun at aqua.
Hello to all the other lovely ladies out there.

Well ...... trigger shot tonight and EC friday.  Had to go to the hospital for an ECG which was amusing - boobs on show for all to see!. The greeks are so nice though i didn't really care. Peny and the ladies are fantastic. Never met a person who cared so much about the treatment of her patients. Uk doctors need to learn a few tips form her on patient care! Am getting a bit scared now the hurdle of fertalization and egg quality is aproaching.... Am praying my eggs are good enough. 

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

rach    
Aqua was good - going to undo all the good work next week cos the class is having a Christmas meal at Frankie & Bennys, just opposite the gym. Surreal experience discussing menu choices while soaking wet & naked in the changing room    Very touched to be invited, though being such a newbie.
Do any of you know anyone on benefits - ESA or Pension Credit? The royal Mail is offering a discount for people on benefits to get a 14p per stamp discount, at the post office with a special voucher and proof of benefit. To get the voucher, call 08456 016 248, valid for one transaction until 24th Dec. Apparently every household has been sent a voucher - but we certainly haven't, it hasn't been flagged up in my post office. Noticed it by accident in the Daily Mail, so I'm spreading the word! & kidnapping a friendly pensioner for half an hour ....


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Just spoke to the lovely Prof Quenby, will need to increase pred to 20mg after ET, and she is a great believer in the value of a gluten free diet, but I need to start now, have been trying so will get into it!
Rach, hope those eggs are ready to pop, and that your DH arrived Ok.
Rory, praying the nasty white stuff doesn't start falling from the sky until after your trip.
Lots of love to you all xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, Well EC complete. Feeling OK apart from a dodgy stomach as a result to the antibiotics I've had to take. Been sleeping on and off all day. Its nice to have DP here with me now.   Mums gone home and the MIL is here. driving us nuts   already and she has only been here one day! Well i suppose she means well. Just hoping and praying   eggs fertilize and develop well  - me and DP both have our fingers and toes crossed. 

SLFE - glad aqua is going well. Christmas meal sounds great.

Love and hugs to all

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Well done Rach!  Hope there was lots of jigging in the petri dish overnight...


----------



## bethholm

Keeping everything crossed for good action in the lab last night Rach.Had lunch with LTW and we were thinking of you yesterday.

B xxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hoping you get some fab embies today Rach x x x 

Lovely to see you yesterday Beth x 

Good luck with gluten free SL4E, it's not easy x 

Hi to everyone else, hope you all survive the Christmas season with enough sanity to keep going, difficult times x sooooo want you all to get your miricle soon, you ladies more than anyone else in the world x


----------



## rory2011

Rach hope you have had good news today xx


----------



## Michimoo

Hi ladies.

I didn't say anything before as i didn't want to jinx it, but I was cycling again and had EC at the weekend. I've had the call to advise that my 3 little embies are very slow & to come back tomorrow to have them put back if they haven't arrested by then. Devastated is an understatement & DH is still away on the rigs until the 20th Dec. so all alone. 
I feel like I am just going through the motions tomorrow & test date will be flipping Xmas Eve!!!!!

I was hoping for 3rd time lucky & moving to ARGC I had hoped for some sort of miracle. We've spent far too much money in 2 weeks with them to not get one decent embie. I've done everything right. Drank the water, acupuncture, 1 litre of milk, high protein diet, fruit & Vegs etc. been on steroids, asprin had Ivig etc. 

Absolutely gutted!


----------



## rory2011

Oh michimoo...this ivf is so horrid. Hope the embies are still going tomorrow and that once they are back in...they will thrive xx


----------



## Praying for a miracle

Wishing you lots of luck Michimoo 

It only takes 1 so they say!


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Oh Michimoo,   ,    that there is good news tomorrow and transfer takes place. Must be doubly tough with DH working away. Thinking of you.
Rach, how are things in Athens?   
LTW, lovely to see you.
Beth, I'm keeping things crossed that your little man doesn't get too impatient to arrive - wouldn't wish an NHS Xmas dinner on anyone!
Happy holiday Rory, and good luck for the procedure.
Hello PFM   
Been a bit wiped out by migraine today, think it's down to not sleeping. Our buyers are having probs securing a mortgage - so much for telling us the cash was waiting   - left us a bit in limbo cos our house & the one we're after are good to go. They are applying in the name of another family member now. Luckily we know their broker, so he keeps us informed. Also got MIL here, doin my head in. She's not well, better not infect me, and I was happily watchin The One Show to a cry of 'ere, am I missing Emmerdale?' Ooops... 
Lots of love everyone


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies  

Michimoo - i   that the embies carried on developing are are back with you?

Rach - how are you going, Pupo lady?  

Sl4E - that sounds so frustrating, we moved earlier in the year, and we were told all manor of lies by most people involved....it will be worth it in the end.  Hope things are ok at home with your visitor?  

How is everyone else? Hope xmas isn't too tough.  I have been finding it hard, and saw a ******** post of a new pregnancy scan of one of my friends accompanied by the line..."oh no, here we go again".  Nice  
I have my pre cycle scan on friday, so must remain focused.  

Lil one


----------



## rory2011

Hi ladies how are you all? Well I was supposed to go to Athens today but flight got cancelled. I wish they had cancelled it before we left to go to heathrow as would have saved us a 5 hr drive and standing in a queue for 4 hours seeing if we could rebook...they could but not for several days and we would have misse dour appt times and have to come back the next day...so the dilemma is do we try and rebook again or get the immune stuff done in Cardiff? I was really hoping that penny would shed some light on our situation during our consultation. 

Anyway I think I need a glass of wine this evening! 

Hope you are all well. Rach I hope you get back ok...I could see lie sky for a while at heathrow. I think they just cancelled all European flghts as long hauls seemed to be going still


----------



## bethholm

Rory- b***er!I'd rebook and have your immunes done in Athens with Dr Economou- he's a lot cheaper and at least he will be able to liase with Peny. Thinking of you.

B xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Oh Rory, that's a   ! Hope you've managed to salvage the situation.... a glass of wine? I think this calls for a whole bottle!
Lil One, MIL has gone back home   . Hope your scan shows everything is nice and healthy.
Michimoo and Rach    for you 
Had aqua meal today, it was a hoot, so feeling quite chilled tonight.


----------



## Rach76

Hi Everyone

Rory - Oh my god what a nightmere about your flight! I really hope you have got something sorted. I'm will Beth - get everything done in Athens I can't praise the clinic enough. I would not waste your time or your money with anything in the UK. 

beth, Lil'one, SL4E, thank you all for your best wishes. 

Michimoo - really hoping your embies are all OK. 

Well I'm well and truly PUPO now. Had ET today with three little blasts on board. Acupuncture was amazing so been chilling out most of the day. I finally feel relaxed. Penny and her gang have been fantastic. I've had my up's and down's as the meds make me soooo emotional. Then had a bad night with mild OHSS messing me around. Nearly passing out at 4 o clock in the morning due to the intense pain was not very nice. But saw Penny the next day and she sorted me out. Loved having a general anaesthetic for EC (never had that in the UK) talked rubbish to DP for at least an hour afterwards. Now just gotta hope and pray one of these little embies is a fighter and snuggles into my lining which is OK but not great. Fingers crossed I get the best Xmas present ever. 

Mum was here with me the first week and it was lovely. This week I have been stuck with the MIL and she has driven me nuts - moaning about not being able to live without kitchen roll, reorganising the bathroom, trying to make me get a taxi back from the clinic after ET when the apartment is only a five minute walk away. I've seen her in so many variations of leopard print, bright lipstick and curlers in her hair i think the images are gonna haunt me forever. Oh well she means well i suppose. 

Please please please let my flight be on time on Friday and not cancelled - really wanna go home now and be in my own home without the MIL. 

Rach x


----------



## bethholm

Rach- great news.Will be praying this is your time my lovely.

B xxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Rach that's amazing news well done. 3 blasts is brilliant. 

Rory- so sorry to hear about your flight. Was that with BA?

Sorry I've been a bit quiet I've been licking my wounds for 48 hours.

Well I had a call in the morning to advise that all embies were still slow & only at the 4 cell stage ( day 3) 
However they were still dividing and grade A with no fragmentation. 

They wanted to delay transfer to see if they caught up.

So off I trott to London & felt like I was just going through the motions get to the clinic & was told that one had jumped to a 7-cell in a couple of hours.

So I'm holding onto a slight bit of hope that this one is a fighter.
I've exhausted google looking for 4cell 3day success stories with little joy.

I just can't believe how much money we have spent. Oh & to top it all off test date is Xmas Eve!!!!!
Might be flying off to see Penny in Athens on Boxing Day if all else fails!!!!

Happy piggin Xmas!!!!  

Rant over. Sorry!


----------



## seemedlike4eva

for our PUPO princesses, Rach and Michimoo, hope and pray that this WILL be a happy Christmas for you both. Your embies are back in the best possible environment now,    that they will continue to thrive.
Rach, my mind boggles at the thought of a MIL in leopard print, curlers and lipstick, love it   .
Hope everyone else is doing OK, a pregnancy announcement crossed my radar the other day,  TWINS...luckily not someone I see very often.


----------



## rory2011

Good luck rach and michimoo, hoping you get a lovely Xmas pressie 
Michimoo yes it was with BA...suppose we will try again in the new year but dh would like to wait till weather is likely to be better. We will see. Was hoping to cycle again by march but now unlikely! 


Hope you are all ok!


----------



## Rosa1939

Hi everyone,

Just popping on to say good luck to both Rach and Michimoo, fingers, toes and everything else crossed for you both! xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies  

Rach and Michimoo - I have everything crossed for you both, how are you doing?

Afm had my pre cycle scan this pm, they thought the lining may be a bit thin...6 mm max, and i'm still 5 days away from ov, so i think it's ok.  They are talking another hystero, hopefully not?
Finding it all a bit tricky, dh out for boys night, so home alone....finding xmas hard...especially as my parents have practically disowned us, sorry just found the drive home very lonely,

Lil' one x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One      , we're always here for these dark moments x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hello everyone, hope your all ok.  

Lil one, hope your ok muffin. I'm sure you've shared your problems about your parents but I think I missed that post.. Why have they disowned you? How dare they.. My god my family don't really get it but if they ever did that with me I'd feel beyond gutted. God bless you.. We are all here for you. 

SLF.. I got your email but I can't respond for some reason!! (Unless yours has gone through) I'm glad you've finally spoke to quenby.. Think she likes the "Arrrgh your the problemed one" as she said that to me after my 2nd biopsy & the levels had gone up!! Fingers, toes, arms, legs and what ever else we can cross that 2013 is our year.. I can't cope anymore without my miracle happening xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone, hoping all is ok. 

Lil one sending loads of hugs your way. thinking of you x

Thanks for all the 'Good Lucks'

Well i finally got home yesterday which was a very long journey after spending hours on the M25 due to three accidents! But i have to say it is nice to be home. Loving seeing DP and my two very fat cats as well as having time away from MIL. And there is nothing like sleeping in your own bed. DP had been working hard as the house is spotless! Just trying to keep busy now and not think about it but it is just sooooo hard.  

Big hugs to all

Rach x


----------



## Michimoo

Sending big   lil' one. I find Xmas very hard & New Years Eve I can do without. It's just another slap in the face that another year has gone!! 

Glad you got home Rach & finally got to your own bed.

Seemslikeforever - flipping eck is everyone announcing twins at the moment? I've never known so many pregnancy announcements!

Rory - have you rebooked your flights yet?

Hi to all you other lovely ladies. 

Thanks for all your messages ladies. I have to say I have AGAIN become obsessed with google!!!    I know I know.  

DH is home on Wednesday so I will finally have a distraction. This is the problem being on your own & not telling anyone you've cycled. It's all behind closed doors. 
Think I might just break down when I see DH as he's been gone the whole treatment & I have to say that ARGC was so intense. It's still relentless now with all the drugs. 
I have an alarm going off every few hours to either jab myself or pop some pills.
It doesn't help that some of the women I cycled with are already getting positives which although I'm very pleased for them I feel it cuts my chances down. ( does that make sense?)

Not sure where we go from here if this doesn't work. I think I need a miracle as I've come to the conclusion I might have to come to terms with having an egg quality problem. I still can't really accept that yet though.

I still hold on to the faith that the 7-cell night be a fighter but I've had no cramping etc. I'm also on CKW ( constant knicker watch)

Could really do with a large Vino!  

M

Xxxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone

Michimoo step away from google!! I know it is so hard. Hoping you are ok. Keep the faith. It only takes one and you never know this maybe be the one. 

In limbo land at the moment - I've had blasts in loads of times and it has never worked for me due to my rubbish womb. So am convinced it hasn't this time either. Got really bad backache too which is what i always get on a BFN. Oh well just wanna get the next week over the way. 

Rach x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies  

Mich and Rach - i am   for you both...such a hard time waiting,

Sorry for wingy post, an emotional day yesterday and would have loved to have been able to talk to my mum.

Sorry for negative post, selfish.

Hope you are all ok. Xmas can be hard.

Lil one


----------



## Hbkmorris

Lil one your far from selfish so never ever think that. I'm more worried about your feelings, I'm sorry you can't talk to your mom.. Moms are so special to us but sometimes they just don't get it well my mom doesn't anyhow. She has two grandchildren and as far as she's concerned she can't see why I'd want to keep wasting my money!! Total madness as she knows how much kids mean to me and how much i want them more than anyone in our family.. 

We are all here to support each other and your needs are as important at the next. 

Love and best wishes to you all. Take care xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Michimoo & Rach, still have everything crossed for you both. 
Lil one, don't apologise,! It's hard not having your mum on side at times like this, mine died 8 years ago, hope you will be reconciled soon.
Hiya Hbk.
I'm putting my foot down about going out on new year's eve - normally we either have family round, or go to a watchnight church service, but IT want to go out to a proper 'do'.  Got the outlaws xmas day, boxing day & new years day, I just want to be 'normal'. I've even bought a LBD! Just for one night be ourselves, leave the family and IF stuff at home, just go and get tipsy listening to a band.
Hope everyone doing OK in the face of all the 'happy family' stuff all around us xxx


----------



## rory2011

Lil one    you aren't selfish and please don't worry about the negative post...we all have done (and will no doubt there will be more to come) them.

Sl4e be selfish....for once, persuade dh into going out...tell him it will be the last one as next year will have a baby or will be preggers so too tired to! 

Michimoo we haven't booked our flights yet. We got our flights refunded as no point going. for just over 24 hrs. Have had a look at dates and if I want to go early part of my cycle then really not going to be able to go till early march ...if af is regular! Dh is away with work for a bit of it and various other things that are booked. Slightly concerned about weather if we went in jan/feb as couldn't deal with it being cancelled again.

Have decided to deffo have testing in Athens. I did have a bit of a wobble and thought about going to Cardiff but would like to hear what penny suggests and have an aquascan...hoping I won't have to have hysto.

Michimoo and rach, hope the next week or so goes quickly for you and fx that there's good news for crimbo.


----------



## Michimoo

Lil one - dont be silly. That's what this thread is for.

Seemslike4ever - that sounds like a lovely plan. Although I wouldn't fit into any LBD's now as these steriods have made me balloon. Think it might be all this milk as well though.

Rory - well if this doesn't work then maybe we might be travelling buddies.

Hbkmorris- my MIL is the same. She already had a grandchild so isn't bothered if we do or don't!

Rach - how u holding up?

Afm - now getting AF pains. Sore (.)(.) have gone & am convinced the only reason why the witch is being kept at bay is because of the nasty bum injections.

Having to stop myself from testing. But would rather know now so I have time to deal with it before Xmas day!


Xx


----------



## bethholm

Michimoo & Rach- we are all rooting for you both on here and you are in our thoughts.

This thread is the only place really we can have a good moan and be totally understood.Moan away ladies,we are all here for each other. Re MILs, mine has already got 3 teenage grandchildren and 1 great granddaughter (from one night Christmas stand from DH's 16yr old DD). She actually asked me this year when I was going to stop IVF (when it bl**dy works, p*8€ off!) and didn't I miss shopping!I think they are a totally different breed! 

Much love

B xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Omg B she sounds just like mine! My MIL said if this doesn't work you're not going to do it again are you? 
You don't know what all those drugs are doing to your body.

I know that you dumb ass! But I'll do whatever it takes to have a child.
(I obviously missed the dumb ass comment out. That was just in my head)


----------



## Jess81

Michamoo, 
you should have just said it and then said oh sorry that must be all the drugs i've been taking!!!   

i've so wanted to just tell my inlaws how it is and i've come very close!! 

xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, hoping everyone is all good. 

Loving the MIL's comments. Its nice to know they are all as bad as each other. 

I'm ok.  Just trying to keep busy and trying not to think about it. Just keep telling myself that it hasn't worked so I can plan in my head what to do next - that way I don't fall from such a great height into that deep pit of hell when the pee stick tells me so. Especially as i need to deal with xmas at the same time so am trying to be strong so i don't ruin it for everyone. And if it's positive then I will have the best xmas ever. Is there such a thing as 8th time lucky?  Apart from that i am still very blotted and looking like i am four months pg, backache has eased off but getting the usual AF type pains and my womb feels so heavy at the moment  like it is gonna just fall out. sorry for too much information! Its the only way i can explain it. 

Hugs to all. 

Rach x


----------



## Jess81

Rach when is OTD?

xx


----------



## coweyes

Talking about cxxp comments.  This lady was asking me about being pregnant, when i told her i needed ivf she said "o i dont fancy that, its meant to be painful".  I reminder her that no one "fancies it" but for many there is no other option.  Silly lady   . xxx


----------



## Rach76

Christmas Eve x


----------



## Jess81

Wow that is exciting!! I really hope Santa comes nice and early for u.... Xx


----------



## Michimoo

Ladies.

Just been to the loo & there is blood. Only a little but bright red blood which isn't a good sign. Think I'm in a bit of shock at the moment & I'm only 6dp3dt  

Wearing a panty liner, going to bed & see what happens in the morning!

No DH here & all alone.


----------



## rory2011

Michimoo, I hope it has stopped xx


----------



## Michimoo

Oh it gets better. Just called the clinic & because I'm on Gestone they've said it's very unusual & people don't bleed at Argc!!!!! Wtf? Now I'm even more freaked out!
I'm getting up & traipsing into London now.
They want me to have a progesterone blood test.

God I wish I had someone here with me!


----------



## AUSSIE1

Mich I am so thinking if you! X


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Oh Michimoo, so hoping it will be ok x
Just off to work, I'll check back later


----------



## Rach76

Really hoping you are ok michimoo. Am thinking of you x x


----------



## bethholm

Michimoo- I had spotting and it's very common for immune ladies and also implantation bleeding... wish I was there to hold your hand.

Big northern hugs from Devon.

Bxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

oh, Michimoo,
I am with you in spirit   
Hope it goes ok
Lil' one


----------



## Jess81

Hi Michimoo, 
i just wanted to let you know that i bled on Gestone was also day 6 and i was told the exact same thing... it's not always bad though so keep ur chin up and be positive. I now have a double dose of gestone 1 in the morning and 1 in the evening. 

Fingers crossed babe

xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Michimoo just want to wish you lots of luck. I'll be on gestone as I always bleed so I'm watching you with interest as I'm scared of this happening and I've read many ladies that have and gone on to get a BFP x


----------



## bethholm

Michimoo- I was also given an extra HCG shot halfway through my 2WW and at the start as I bled too.Try not to worry,although we all do and all understand.We are all there with you in spirit.

B xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Well I'm now back from London just waiting for the dreaded phone call. Been told "bed rest!"

I broke down in the clinic & was holding it together all the way on the train. Then at the blood place bumped into a woman I was cycling with who gave me a hug. Which was nice.

The woman at ARGC did say that red blood is not a great sign but to not worry as "you never know!"

She said she would've done the pg test aswell today if it wasn't so early. However they will probably have me back in on Thursday for another blood test & maybe then do a pg test rather than on Sunday.

I've got home & I'm now wiping a lot of brown & my womb feels like it wants to fall out! 

DH finally called as he's reached dry land and is about to start his journey home. I told him what was going on & started to   then he told me not to be so negative! Ok! 

They've said if I continue bleeding red tomorrow to call The emergency number. I just don't want to have to take all these pills & jabs if I don't need to anymore. And also I could do with a large drink!!!!

I just can't understand what I have done so wrong to not be able to produce good eggs? Why me? 

Sorry I know you all feel like that too. I'm just feeling very bitter at the moment as we chucked everything (financially) at this, this time. I've had IVIG, Humira, a hysteroscopy etc! Not sure what else I could've done!

Thank for all the love ladies. It means a lot.  

M
Xxx


----------



## rory2011

Oh michimoo   
I really hope it's implantation. Hope your other half is home soon for a big hug xx


----------



## bethholm

I had brown spotting AND it was implantation bleeding on this cycle.Praying that's the same for you.Don't give up- it's not over until the fat lady sings or more realistically,  the POS/HCG says so.

B xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Michimoo, it sounds like it could be implantation bleeding as it's gone from red to brown, brown indicates that the fresh bleed is over, and hopefully that fresh bleed was no7 bedding in    , especially if you're on an anticoagulant like clexane.   
Hello to everyone else, so nice to see you all   
Rach,    you get your Xmas BFP, otherwise Santa will be sacked!!!!
I had a real 'fluff off & mind your own business!' moment this morning, with someone who just wouldn't drop the subject of why I haven't got kids     'You'd be such a good mom' 'Have you never had the slightest urge to be a mom?' 'Doesn't your partner want kids?'       eventually I think I'd told enough fibs to put me in a handcart to hell, & she shut up.


----------



## bethholm

SL4ever- I found the 'very direct in your face' approach re babies worked well as in being totally blunt about IVF,injections leading on to miscarriage and ERPCs as this tends to shut people up.Sometimes you have to embarrass the ignorant ones...

B xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hey ladies   
Michimoo - how are you going? Are you going back for bloods tomorrow? Thinking of you   
SL4E - i hate those nosey people, well done for holding your own   
Rach - how are you doing, not long to go   
AFM, clinic called on Monday to say they would recommend another hysteroscopy.  Apparently a questionable area of adhesions where they were before.  Very happy to do this, wondering if this will keep regrowing or if it's due to MC in August? Hard to tell.  Went to GPs today for referral, and that's done too so hopefully hystero in Jan (may be a bit keen) or Feb and cycle Feb or March.  
Hating these A4 'this is us' leaflets which arrive with every Xmas card.  Maybe I'll put one together to let them all know what a   year we've had?  ....... Maybe not   
Lil one


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Hoping everyone is ok.

I'm really struggling at the moment. The last two days have been particularly bad. Haven't felt anything for days and then for the last two days i've had really bad backache again and AF pains. technically AF is due friday even though my OTD is not until monday. Part from that i don't feel anything. No sore boobs or anything, no implantation bleed, just major hot flushes mainly through the night. Never had these before but i'm guessing its probably due to the mixture of drugs i'm on. I keep telling myself it doesn't matter if this time doesn't work as i can always go again but the thought of it not happening for the 8th time is just killing me. I just wanna get off this emotional rollacoster. 

Sorry for the depressing post am just having one of those moments. 

Rach x


----------



## bethholm

Rach- all of my 8 IVF cycle 2WW have been different and I've had 3 BFPs within those (and the symptoms for those 3 occasions were all different too.) What makes symptom spotting an absolute nightmare is that you can never tell.I've had AF pains and been pregnant...Massive hugs on this head**** of a rollercoaster.We are all here for you.

B xxx


----------



## Parny

Hi again thanks for welcoming me a couple of weeks ago and sorry for not being back on but I just felt I needed a little bit of time. Any way seeing some if your jouneys on here makes me feel totally humbled your amazing! After 3 fails and what is supposed to be nothing wrong with me I just can't seem to do it!! 

Michimoo I really hope everything is ok.

Rach bless you keep strong! Sorry I can't give better advise. 

I really hope your all ok

  xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach and Michimoo, wish I could give you both a hug....still hoping and praying for you both.
Hello again Parny, welcome back xx
Beth, I was sorely tempted, but itvwas in the middle of the Christian outreach shop where I work, and the lady in question is a Jehovah Witness......it could just have escalated. Plus my boss knows nothing about the IVF either, only 3 people outside the family know, we keep it so secret.
Lil one, glad that you have things in place for the new year, sounds like clinic and GP are on your side, and may it stay that way too. My GP was a complete ass, so I gave up a long time ago. Only saving grace is that they hsve to give me clexane on prescription bec I have APS, and I have to use it to bost my warfarin sometimes.
Christmas food shoping in full swing here....outlaws plus 2 extras, and us means 4 meals for 14 peeps over xmas day & boxing day, and same new years day cos they come to us. MIL provides the turkey, the SILs arecsuposed to chip in but do they heck. Hey ho, at least not being pg I can drink my way through!!!


----------



## Parny

Hi all, 

I hope everyone is ok! SLFE that is exactly what I am going to do - drink my way through! I have my Xmas lunch today at work which I am dreading there is only 5 of us in the office and the girl I sit opposite 2 weeks ago announced that she was 6 months pregnant. Now all I hear about is how she feels sick, dizzy sore big boobs how she can't drink blah blah it's driving me mad she is only 8 weeks and it's all she talks about what pram, cot etc she should get. I know I am over sensitive but normally people don't say anything until at least 12 weeks right? Thing is I know when we go out today other people who will be joining us will be congratulating and I don't know how much I can hold tears in! It's silly really there are always going to be pregnant people around me - just feels a bit gutting at the moment with 3 fails this year.  

Any way as soon as we are done this afternoon I am going to cheer myself up with SHOPPING!!!

xxx


----------



## Parny

Oh dear I mean't 6 WEEKS not months!


----------



## rory2011

Parny I hope it goes ok this afternoon....it's not silly we all get hurt by hearing the preg announcements when we just really want it to be us. I agree with you...6 weeks seems a bit early to be telling everyone! 

Sl4e I too am looking forward to drinking this Xmas as I haven't the last 2 as been having treatment. 
I can't believe that you managed to hold it in with that woman...not sure i would have been able to.

Rach and michimoo...thinking of you both. This bits is the hardest bit of all...although I am sure Beth may say it's the rest of the pregnancy!   you get great news on otd. 

Lil one I hate those letters with the cards..we seem to get a load of photos too.... I don't mind the god children but not everyone else's!


----------



## Michimoo

Hi ladies.
Well DH is at home now! phew!
Feel like a weight has been lifted.
The good news is - the bleeding has stopped (I'm now plugged up with so much progesterone I'm not surprised!)
The bad news is - I have terrible AF pains & sore (.)(.) have stopped, I'm having killer headaches & major hot flushes.
I'm in the "ignorance is bliss" camp now. I don't really want to know. 

The problem with the ARGC is I have to go all the way to London to have a blood test on Sunday. Then wait round until midday to get told the results.
Then I'm back at work on the Monday!!!


----------



## Rach76

Hi all hoping everyone is ok. 

I feel excactly the same as you michimoo - having bad AF pains, backache, no sore boobs, headaches and major hot flushes. Just want it too all be over now. Been planning in my head what to do next and when to do the next cycle to try and prevent me from hitting that rock bottom moment when it comes as i wanna try and get through xmas day and boxing day at my mums with all the family without having a complete melt down. To think i was all positive at the beginning of the week thinking i might get the best xmas present ever - who was i kidding! good things don't happen to me. Sorry - having a 'why me' moment. 

Rach x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Michi and Rach - hold on ladies  , I really   you get a special xmas surprise

Parny - I feel the same, surrounded by happy pregnancies, and i feel everyone is looking at me with sympathy  . Just do the things you can cope with, don't put yourself through too much, you need to look after yourself  

Rory, I,ll be having some drinkies this year, too. Had a few dry ones due to cycles

Afm ok, finished work now, and looking forward to going away with dh for xmas

Have a good weekend ladies

Lil one


----------



## Parny

Thanks girls! Was ok I just had a few wines! I know what you mean lil one I was getting the odd oh poor you look which makes it even worse!! Sometimes I wish they didn't know my own fault really next year will keep it to myself! 

Thanks Rory I hope your ok! 

I am so thankful for this site if not to rant about stuff and hearing back from people who know exactly what your feeling but to read some incredible inspirational stories! 

Michimoo glad you have dh now for support i am really sending you and Rach really   thoughts! It is such a hard wait. 

Also finished work now yay! Hopefully go back much more positive in the new year! 

Lil one I hope your off somewhere nice! And have a fab relaxing time. 

Xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One, happy holidays, hope it's good for you both.
Rory and Parny, glad to know I'm not alone with the bottle of vino   . I hate people who start at 6 weeks, it makes it such a long pg for the rest of us, when we really could do without it! Of course the reverse is true whenever it's one of us, cos we desperately want to know that you're over every hurdle.
Rach & Michimoo    to both of you, still     
Missed college party last night, as friend with new baby & 3 older ones rushed into hossy on thurs, DH & I had to step in to help babysit.
Lots of love to everyone during these tough couple of weeks x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hey ladies

Just popping on to wish you a wonderful xmas.

We are off tomorrow, for an adult xmas....can't wait.

Mich & Rach -   you get the news you deserve

 to all of you, you help me through some of my dark days.  that we all get our dreams next year,

Lil one


----------



## Parny

Sl4e I have gin, wine and baileys I am going to have a boozy christmas! 

Come jan 01 we are going to have a t total few months and then try serum - it's good now to have a light at the end of the tunnel and know we can give it another go! 

My lovely cousin asked me to be god mother today which I am honoured have a few beautiful god children now - always the god mother never the mother!  

Lil one have a great time!

Rach and michimoo hope your both ok thinking of you and   

Xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Parny - I have the wine ready for later on if its bad news so think my booze Xmas will be starting before Xmas!  

Lil one - we are having an Adult Xmas too. I will raise a glass to you at the dinner table. (Quietly of course)  

Sl4e -Wowsers you're good. I guess you couldn't say no to your friend. But baby sitting at this time of year. I salute you.  

Rory - I'm lucky I don't get cards with photos in. Not sure how I Would handle that. 

Beth - I sometimes want to be really blunt but I find this whole infertility/iVf a taboo subject. Why people can't keep their mouths shut I don't know. My accupuncturist said something very poignant the other week. "If women over 35 don't have kids then assume there is a problem if they haven't stated they don't want children. Don't keep asking when they are having one" - very true.

Rach- how are you holding up? When do you test?

Hi to anyone I missed - sorry on iPhone & it won't let me scroll back very far.

Right I'm up so early as I can't sleep because I am due in London for my PG test at 9am!!


----------



## Jess81

Hope you get good news today Michimoo 

xx


----------



## Rach76

Good luck for today michimoo. Will be thinking of you are praying you get your xmas dream. I test tomorrow. x x


----------



## bethholm

Michimoo and Rachel- you are both in my thoughts and prayers.

Much much love and hugs

B xxxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Bfn


----------



## bethholm

Bugger bugger bugger- is it definite as I though OTD was tomorrow?

B xxxxx


----------



## Jess81

oh hun i'm sorry!! x


----------



## Parny

So unfair michimoo thinking of you hun   xx


----------



## rory2011

michimoo so sorry hun


----------



## Rach76

I'm so sorry michimoo, sending you loads of hugs x x x x


----------



## Rach76

BFN for me too.     Am gutted. Can't stop crying. Don't know where to go from here. After 8 failed attemps not sure how much more i can take. Rach x x


----------



## bethholm

Rach- so very sorry sweetheart- will PM you later and see if we can come up with a plan.


B xxxxx


----------



## Rach76

Thanks B x


----------



## Michimoo

Oh Rach I'm so sorry. Sending big hugs.
This is such a s**# time to test. I really don't know what else to say. If you need support then we are all here. 

I haven't cried at all. Not sure what's wrong with me?
I got up at 4am tidied the kitchen loaded the dishwasher, hung out the washing, wrapped the last of the presents then went & had a swim!!!!!! Wtf? Think I'm going  

Just a bit worried I'm going to crack at the most inopportune moment.

I don't feel anything. Yes I'm peed off we've spent all this money & it hasn't worked & this is the 3rd time, but why aren't I   ?


----------



## bethholm

Michimoo- will pm u later too to see if we all can get a next steps in place and see what we can do to help you.

Bxxx


----------



## rory2011

Rach I am so sorry. I was really hoping that you and michimoo would get a brilliant Xmas present.


----------



## longtimewaiting

Noooooooooo, Rach and Michimoo I'm so sorry, awful news xxxxx


----------



## deblovescats

so sorry mici and rach! sad for you at this time of year!
let's hope 2013 is a positive year for us all
going for an initial appt with penny in jan for DD
had 2 DE IV attempts at Uk clinic = both BFN - katie at serum thinks it could be due to quality of donor eggs - one implanted each time from same donor, was an egg share, so obviously donor must need IVF treatment. Evidently my linings both times was good.
it's gut wrenching though when you've had more than one attempt - my heart goes out to you
i hate this time of year at the moment!
Deb


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Only just had a moment to stop and catch up with the news, oh my darlings Michimoo and Rach, Im so sorry for you both.    . Huge hugs.
Mich, I haven't always cried after a BFN, I think I always convince myself now that it hasn't worked as a kind of self protection measure. 
I guess it's going to be a 'grit your teeth and pretend' kinda Christmas for many.
Whatever you're doing, I wish you peace xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Hi Ladies,

Well I had been holding it together until we went to see the in laws yesterday morning and my FIL kept saying "You've put on weight girl" "does my son like you bigger?" Then he carried on talking to my DH then he looked back at me & said "Cor you have got a bit chunky haven't you?" (I am now a size 12 from a size 8. )

At that point I stood up & left the room& then went to the loo & had a little    then came back in composed.

He then apologised as he said he didn't know that we'd gone through it again. (Obviously whilst I was out the room DH briefly filled him in that we'd been through another failed cycle) Ummmmm NO! WE didn't go through it again ..... I went through it again on MY OWN!! I didn't say anything I just said "it's ok" then I sat in silence for the next hour until we left.   AWKWARD!!!! 

Still waiting for the dreaded AF to arrive. I know it's gonna be a killer one.   just wish it would hurry up.

M

Xxxxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hello ladies

Michimoo and Rach - i am so sorry to read your posts.  You both have been through such a lot.  Nothing I can say can make you feel better, but know that we are here for you both and this is somewhere you can say how you really feel without fear  .

Michimoo - i can't believe how insensitive your fil was.  No one would have blamed you for ripping hhis head off   

Afm, dh and I have been away for xmas.  To a lovely hotel - no kids - which was really nice.  Sadly af arrived on xmas day to remind me we are still not pregnant... merry xmas!  And came home to my horrible sil all over ******** about what a perfect xmas they have all had.  She is such a cuckoo.....********.... 

Hope your xmas was bearable, ladies.  Dh and i had a toast to you all on xmas eve, you wonderful brave ladies.

We will get there, sooner or later  

Lil one x


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Hoping everyone is having a good or at least bearable Xmas. 

Well we are back home now after spending a lovely couple of days at my mums with my sister and family. Family really tried to make Xmas day special for us which was nice . So have eaten loads and drunk three bottles of wine to myself in the last two days. I've had my moments when my emotions have been all over the place and I haven't been able to control them but everyone has been understanding and I don't think I have ruined the occasion too much for everyone else. Dp has Been an absolute star looking after me. Af has arrived today with revenge which has been a pain in the **** but hay ho that's life I suppose. Gonna chill out for a few days until the new year and then just throw myself into the organisation of the next cycle. It's the way I deal with it best. 

Lil' one- glad you had a good Xmas away. 

Michimoo - been thinking about you x

Beth- thanks for your message will be thinking about what you said in a few days when I throw myself into the organisation of the next cycle.

Love and best wishes to all rach x


----------



## Rach76

Forgot to say - thank you to all you lovely ladies for your continuous support. I could not do this without you all. You are the best and I hope you all get your dream of a family soon. X x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Rach - bless you...what are you thinking for next cycle?


----------



## Rach76

Not sure what the plan is for next cycle. Haven't thought that far yet. Gonna speak to peny and see what she says first. Rach x


----------



## Nordickat

I don't ever post now but I do pop in to see how you are all doing occasionally and I'm so sad to see what a rubbish end to 2012 this thread had (((hugs))). Lovely to read you both had lovely Christmas' lil'one and rach, I hope everyone else did too.

I hope your dreams come true in 2013 and you get a bumper crop of BFPs on here in the new year. Hang in there, happiness is out there for you all.

Katxxx


----------



## Parny

Rach hats off sweetheart you got thru it! I am so so so so so sorry xxx

Michimoo why oh why are people like that I had bfn beginning of dec had 3 this year and really have ballooned my dad was looking at me like omg what happened to you where he has a v. Skinny v. Young wife they have just had 2 new babies :-( 

Lil one hope you had a lovely Xmas with Dh in lovely hotel! 

Afm had my niece and nephews here totally spoilt them!! Lovely! 

Hi to every one I really hope your all ok -   

I wish everyone the absolute best for 2013 it's got to be our year girls xxxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hiya girlies,
Lil One, so glad you enjoyed the grown-up Christmas. Got our tickets for New Year, and they have adults only printed on them, oh yeah!
Rach, I'm glad your family did their best to help you through.
Michimoo, when will men learn that there is usually a good reason why women put on weight, and that it's not usually something up for discussion?    especially when you're still a size 12! How can a size 12 be 'chunky' 
Parny, my niece and nephew were my Christmas stars too, played Scrabble and Monoply with them after dinner both days, and the tribe is coming again New Year's Day too.
Beth, not long, you're going to give us the boost we need to kick start 2013.
LTW, hope you're progressing nicely too
AFM, well just cos we have finance in place for treatment, house sale remains at a standstill cos our buyer is having problems securing a mortgage and AF has gone missing. Defo no chance of being preg, I've been having dark brown spotting since about day 20, now day 32. Just hope clinic doesn't get in touch to say they have a donor before    turns up properly. Got to go food & bevvy shopping this weekend, the outlaws ate and drank everything in sight, and they return on tuesday, fab.


----------



## rory2011

Hi ladies 
I hope you all have had a good Xmas....michimoo and rach was thinking of you. I hope you are doing ok.

Well af turned up late on Xmas day...even did a test in the morning to see if I could drink! Even tho I knew couldn't be preggers as we had to use contraceptives as was going to have an aquascan after ovulation if we had made it to Athens.

Michimoo can't believe what your fil said! 
Sl4e hope the house gets sorted soon! 
Really hoping that 2013 is going to be the year! (I said that about this year! But hey ho best get my positive head on again soon!)


----------



## deblovescats

hi ladies 
i echo you parny - 2013 got to be our year! 
had a good couple of days - sis, a friend (single and no kids) had day out yesterday at Pickering and Thornton Dale (pretty little village with river running through and lovely cafe) then today saw a good play'Importance of Being Earnest' - full of witty put downs (worth revising a few)
then on countdown to Athents in Jan!
Deb


----------



## seemedlike4eva

13 was always my mum's lucky number, it's got to come up trumps for us xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi Ladies  

Nordikat - great to hear from you.  Hope you're doing ok  

Debs - hi, glad you had a good day  

SL4E -   that your buyers get themselves into gear.  New year is a kick for people so hopefully things will move in the right direction for you.

To everyone else -   that 2013 brings you the dream you deserve.  SL4E - 13 is my lucky number too.

Have a good new years eve.  We will be saying a not very polite 'goodbye to 2012.

Lil one


----------



## deblovescats

thanks lil one - hopefully we'll all be getting a new year miracle
surely it's got to be our turn in 2013 - trying to be positive, never like new year, but hoping 2013 will be a good year
been at work today, but off tomorrow
not seeing the new year in - but will relax tomorrow
Deb


----------



## wobs

Hi lovely ladies

I don't post much on here now but do occasionally pop on to read your news.
Sorry to hear about the BFNs recently     IF is horrible.

Kat - lovely to hear from you.  Hope you had a peaceful Christmas.

AFM I think this year is all about accepting and moving on - still a few avenues to explore before I can fully accept it but we're on our way I reckon and doing ok.  Had a lovely Christmas will the nieces and nephews and beginning to plan our futures.

Good luck to you all and here's wishing you all a good 2013

Wobs
x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Happy new year!
Wobs,    and Kat   , so pleased you dropped by.


We had a lovely time at the adult only NYE party, and an exciting start to the day...an email from my doc in Czech, even tho it's a bank holiday, they have 3 donors just starting, and as AF came out of hiding the other day, we're all in synch so I start the meds today! 
Have all the outlaws descending any minute, so gotta dash,
xxx


----------



## rory2011

Hey ladies hope you all had a nice NYe. Well we are trying to plan for next treatment and investigations. Do you know if you can only have a hysteroscopy just after af....hoping to go to serum for tests in march but the times that look ok will be around ovulation...if af stays at28days...will that be ok? 

Here's to 2013 being a great year with lots of bfp's and bundles of joy for us all!


----------



## waikiki

Hello ladies,

Like Kat and Wobs I am no longer a regular poster on this thread, but do tend to lurk quite a bit.  

I just wanted to wish all of you a very happy 2013 - please, please, please let this be THE year for those of us still trying.  For those of us who are moving on from tx, please let us find the strength to accept a very difficult situation and find some peace at the end of the IF journey.  

You'll notice that I've inlcuded myself in both groups, this is because I don't really know which camp I'm in at the moment!  But I am actually feeling some relief that this coming year will definitely bring our 8-year IF battle to an end, one way or the other.

Big    to you all.

waikiki


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hiya Waikiki! Lovely to catch up with you xx


----------



## pinkpixie

Just thought I would pop on and wish u all luck for 2013
Xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hey ladies  

Rory - i believe that the hystero should ideally be done during the first phase, but from what I read, serum are experts in this so they should be able to give you a definitive  

Waikiki - good to hear from you, it must be a very positive feeling to know that this year will bring some decision for you  

SL4E - glad you enjoyed new year.  I was asleep before 12  , dh woke me up because I really wanted to see the last year out, can't decide if it was the worst yet for if.  At least we got a little bit of positive activity happening  

Wobs - thanks for stopping by.  I hope the new year sees great things for you 

Pinkpixie - lovely to hear things are good with you, I loved reading your ticker.....gives us some hope of light at the end of our tunnels  

Afm - looks like I may have my hystero next week, and then cycle again in feb.  It's all happening a bit quick, but much prefer that.  Feeling positive about this cycle as it was straight after last hystero that we got our nat bfp.

Hoping that I can do my bit to support you lovely ladies through the ups and (hopefully not too many) downs of 2013.  It WILL be our year ladies  

Lil one


----------



## deblovescats

hi ladies
i echo what you say lil'one - 2013 will be our year! good luck with hystero and cycle in feb! i'm off to serum for an initial consult with Penny on 19th Jan, so it's all action stations - i'm feeling much more positive than before.
i usually hate new year as it reminds me of what i haven't got, but trying to look on it as a positive this time, and see things changing.
Happy New Year to you all and hope it's a lucky one! 
One of my cats was traumatised by the fireworks on New Year's Eve so had to have lots of comforting! She hid herself behind the sink in the cloakroom! 
Deb


----------



## seemedlike4eva

pink pixie, hope  Master Noah enjoyed Christmas! Kitten and JBox, hope your tots had fab festivities too.
Deb, I have been traumatised by my cat.... he is a huge black monster, with a voracious appetite. We had some nice snacks/nibblesleft from family feast yesterday on dining table which the darn moggy unwrapped and licked. Every single item he tasted. So I'm sitting here havung to munch on fresh air.
DH's aunt will pay for new house if necessary to stop us losing it, bless her. Our buyers still waiting on mortgage confirmation. Auntie also funding flights and hotel for this trip too. Dh boss refused him time off, so it's me, MIL and maybe auntie.
   for our year xx


----------



## Michimoo

Hey Ladies.

I haven't had a chance to catch up as I'm on my lunch break sitting in the car typing on my phone.
Just thought id let you know, I've got the consultation tomorrow (which I am dreading)

I'm not sure what questions to ask anymore as I feel like I am just repeating myself but just with another Dr!

Must go as I'm late back to work.

Lots of love ladies
Xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## bethholm

Just a quick one for Michimoo- have you seen Agate's 'questions to ask/ things to learn from your failed IVF cycle' thread? It would be an excellent starting point and you could go through it tonight before your consultation and tick the points or questions relevant to you.This is the thread:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=283000.0

Here's to an excellent year ladies- and we will be with each other every step of the way.

B xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hiya Beth, was just wondering how you are!  Do you have a delivery date yet? Sincerely hoping you're on matty leave now.
Lil One, are you off to Athens or local for your hysto? Hope all is ok.
Rory, hope you're managing to schedule stuff balancing act of AF/annual leave & life.
Mich, hope 2moro's consult is positive. If you're anytning like me, maybe write down the list of questions cos my mind always goes blank the second I sit down.
Went back to fat club this morning, not deferring stuff 'in case I get pg' any more.....if I do succeed' great if not' it's there to distrat me while I go back to the drawing board.


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Hoping everyone is well.

Lil'one best of luck with the hysto.

Rory hope your planning is going well.

Mich best of luck with consultation.

Sl4e well done for getting back to fat club. I thought about going back this week but sat on the sofa eating the left over chocolate instead. Just can't face them telling me I have put on the 8 pounds I lost before I cycled quite yet so am putting it off until next week. 

A big hello to the other lovely ladies here.

Afm having a really bad time of it at the moment. Everything has suddenly hit me bad. Just can't seem to click out of this one.  Had a chat to penny on the phone tonight to try and plan the next stage for us and it just confused the hell out of me. Beth I have e mailed you for some advice. I hope you don't mind I just can't get my head round everything. 

Rach x


----------



## bethholm

Sorry Rach- will PM you now!Been in and out of hospital this week with abnormal bloods and for the first time ever, 'sky high' blood pressure.

Seemslike4ever- got a c section date but told it'll probably change...

Love to you all.

B xxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Thanks Beth. I've had a look & written some questions down. I did pm you a few weeks ago. Not sure if you got it or not. Hope you are ok?  
SL4E - you're right. I have to write them down too. However last time I went in with 3 pages & ended up not asking hardly any as the DE comment right at the beginning if the consultation completely threw me.
Well done for fat club. I've found a crash diet that I might try. It's only for a week but people are claiming a loss of a stone!!!!
Rach - so sorry you are having such a bad time. What has Penny suggested?
I guess until I know more myself tomorrow, I think that's when it will hit me.
I do feel like I have everything Bottled up at the moment.

Glad I'm having the consult tomorrow as its my birthday   on Monday & want to have at least a couple of days in between to get over things or breakdown if needs be.

Lilone - good luck with your hysto. Is it your first one?

Hi to all the other lovely ladies xxxxxx


----------



## bethholm

Michimoo- Only had a PM off you last week?Have now PMd you a long reply back- sorry but I've been in and out of hospital with suspected pre-eclampsia (sky high BP & abnormal bloods).Let me know if I can do anything else.

B xxx


----------



## rory2011

Beth hope you bp comes down a bit xx
No plans yet, I think I will wait till af turns up this month and then try and plan for march. I have a nasty cold so want to get over that before immune testing...and mich like you I will be another year older this month...how depressing! 

Rach, I hope Beth/penny can help you make a decision xx
Sl4e well done on going to fat club. I am surprised our gym hasn't sent out a search party for me it has been so long


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Just a quick question. Has anyone had a Natural or medicated FET with penny? Just wondered if so if someone could give me a quick run down on the protocols for both. I've had loads of medicated FETs in uk and just anted to know if it was the same. 

Thanks

Rach x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies  

Beth - sooo nearly there....hope you're ok and things have settled down a bit  

Rach   I do hope you're feeling brighter, it can be a big grey cloud sometimes....it will drift.  What did Penny say following the cycle? It sounds as if fet is your next plan ?

Rory - is your march cycle at serum?

Michimoo - have you had your fu? How did it go?  

SL4E - good effort with fat club, it's so hard to get motivated just after xmas.  I know what you mean about putting things off....I hardly even buy new clothes any more...just in case they don't fit soon....silly but i am always hoping soooo hard  

Afm hystero on Thursday, michimoo it's my second.  Have taken annual leave from work so time for the banana man double life.....what shall I be doing on Thursday? Perhaps sky diving or a secret spy mission  

I hope you are all ok ladies  

Lil one


----------



## rory2011

Lil one good luck for hysto...do you live on acacia ave 
We are hoping to go to serum in march for immune testing and aquascan or hysto, then after that we will see what penny says about when to cycle again. It is ashame that we didn't get to go before Xmas as I wanted to cycle again in feb/march but looks more like April/may.

Beth not long now. Hope the bp is getting lower. 

Hope everyone else is having a good weekend!


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Good morning, hope all is well.
Beth, thinking of you, look forward to hearing that all is well and baby is here safely.
Rory, my gym keeps ringing up to find out why I haven't managed to get DH in there yet. Will you do something special for your birthday?  I'm almost at the stage of needing to count backwards, lol.
Lil One, I have bought a lot of new clothes this Christmas, thought 'sod it'. Hope I haven'tj jinxed things buying a maternity shirt,, in the sale at Asda, it is a really long shirt dress that isn't too obviously a pg one, fits nicely cos I'm so podgy  . Look forward to knowing what rest of world thinks your up to on Thursday!
Rach, I would be eating chocolate if I had any.....but we don't, nor even an emergency stash. 8lbs isn't too bad a gain, one lady at my group gained 22lbs over Christmas! It's not a good time for fat club while your emotions are all over the place though. Hope you soon have plans in place to focus on, we all feel for you lovely.
Mich, birthday girl, how has your wekend been? Hope you were given something constructive to work with last Friday.
Deb, hope you've had a peaceful weekend.
AFM, on antibiotics for lurgy that wouldn't shift, but clinic say that not a problem. Still waiting for the call to let me know when to fly over - and trying to think of an excuse to cover my absence. Hmm, perhaps MIL may need me to stay thhere for a few days....? Luckily, she's 40 miles awayso no-one will see her around 
Lots of love to everyone x


----------



## Frangipane

Hi Ladies,

Can I please join you?

I was just updating my signature and realised that I had actually run out of characters...I never thought that would happen! This road is endless.

Just recovering from another BFN (on Christmas Eve no less). Any tips on keeping going? I don't want to give up but I am running out of steam. 

Frangipane x


----------



## Jess81

Hi Frangipane, 
sorry to hear ur news hunni   . 

advice on how to keep going... i'm not sure how we all do it but we seem to! I think you just know when enough is enough and it doesn't sound to me like you have got there yet! 

don't give up just yet not whilst you have 17    waiting for you. 

xx


----------



## rory2011

Welcome frangipane,

sorry you have to join us. Hmm keeping going....not sure if I have any tips, just treat yourself and dh and be kind yourself. IVF and IF is a complete headf**k but it's nice to know that you aren't the only one going through it and it can work after many failures....saying that i ma not sure I will be able to go through it again after next cycle.

Just after a quick query from you ladies who have cycled at serum.....I am not sure if this is something that we are really considering...it keeps popping into my brain now, but how long do you have to be there if it's an oe cycle.

We are planning on going for a hysto in March time and I ahd thought immunes but had email from Penny saying that she suggested treating empirically with steroids, clexane and intralipids. The reason for looking into going to Athens was for immune testing originally as our local clinic weren't keen on doing another cycle with us unless we considered immune testing. i am sure they would take our money but they didn't think we would have high chance of success. Now finding out about Penny and doing the greek test etc, I keep thinking to myself, perhaps we should see if it's feasible to go there for treatment......I know you ladies wil say go but if I have to be there a lot (ie several trips) I don't think it will work with our work and also I hate flying so couldn't go alone!  Advice please. i really should discuss with dh but he's not here and has left me to sort out a few qu's with penny about coming over for aquascan/ hysto- she feels hysto is best way forward given our history. and also pleased that she mentioned virals for my cold sores. i always know when af is on way/ IVF hasn't worked as I get a coldsore.

HBK, not sure if you are lurking...how did you get MFS to give you intralipids? Did you have uterine biopsy or did you manage to get them to give them empirically? If we cycle at home it will be there again, as they were great on my last cycle.  

Hello to everyone else,
Beth hope you're ok...are they going to bring baby out early? Hope the bp is ok.


----------



## bethholm

Frangipan- welcome to this most supportive thread and sorry that you find yourself on here.Re not giving up, I think you have to be somewhat bloody minded to keep going despite all the heartache and financial ruin. My friend has a brilliant quote- "Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'."

Rory- about 10 days for OE cycle in Athens.A hysto is about 3 days (to be on the safe side although it can possibly be done in 2) and you could combine this trip with seeing Dr Economou for immunes...

AFM- scan Fri and praying BP is down and that I will be given an earlier c section date as,I'm now worried sick it'll go **** up at the last hurdle.

Much love

B xxxx


----------



## rory2011

Thanks Beth, so could be going  on a 2 week "holiday" and fit it in. Was planning to go for 4 days for the hysto..try and do a bit of sightseeing too! 

Hope scan and bp are good on Friday. Must be so nerve wracking now.


----------



## bethholm

Rory- let me know if you want me to email you my info on hotels,restaurant,getting from the airport info sheet etc.Agate has a brilliant info thread too.

B xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Not long, but had to pop on to welcome frangipan  . You've had a rough time, but you are in the right place for support.  As a group we've probably been through most things  

Beth   that your bp settles, you are nearly there mnow  

Afm hystero thurs, and now decided to look into acu for next cycle, what are your thought ladies
 to you all, will get better with personals later in the week,

Lil one


----------



## bethholm

Lil'one- can't rate acupuncture high enough especially to help prepare for a cycle and also more importantly before and after ET.Every time bar one (when it wouldn't have worked anyway for other factors) I've had acupuncture before and after transfer,I've had a BFP...

B xxxx


----------



## pinkpixie

lil one i am another who cant recommend accupuncture enough my accupuncturist helped me deal with the whole head f**k off treatment as well as actually treating my physical issues.  Find one who specialises in infertility and make sure you are comfortable with them
xxx


----------



## pinkpixie

beth nearly there bet you cant believe it


----------



## deblovescats

hi guys
welcome to the thread frangipane - sorry to hear your BFN - we're all supportive on here
thanks seemslike4eva 
good luck with cycle rory - ive got an initial appt with penny on 19th - counting down now, then like rory, most likely to be cycling in march.
suffering a bit at the moment -got an infected cyst on my thigh so feelign a bit rough - on massive dose of two lots of antibiotics! hopefully get cleared soon - need to be fighting fit for tx! 
busy at work again - had a baby clinic today - 21 in so been quite difficult - seeing all those babies
Deb


----------



## Frangipane

Hi ladies,

Thanks so much for your kind words. You all have been through so much as well and it is comforting to know that I am not alone. I would not wish this IVF journey on anyone, it is so heartbreaking. Good to see that it does work though- Beth you give me hope! Fingers crossed for the last bit of your journey- then the real hard work starts!  

I hope to go back to CHR early Feb for my next FET. I have immune issues and poor embryo quality, not much more they can do for me now. Has anyone else cycled at CHR New York with Dr Gleicher?  Interested to read about Serum and wonder if they would do anything different or if I am just clutching at straws.

Frangipane x
PS


----------



## Frangipane

PS - Debs, hope you get better soon hun.  I don't know how you manage to work with babies. I find it so difficult around other peoples babies- is this normal? I feel so bad that I cannot go and visit my friends who have newborns. Needless to say, we have lost a few friends on this journey as people don't understand.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello to Frangipane    sorry you've had such a rough journey too.
Beth, very relieved it settled. Do you have a BP monitor and protein peesticks at home? Any hint of headache, swollen ankles, pain under ribs and get down to labour ward and refuse to budge!
Jess, looking at your sig, you're on the rollercoaster again? Hope it's going OK.
Debs, must be a tough aspect of your job, especially when they belong to totally 'undeserving' parents 
Lil One, hope 2moro isn't too uncomfortable.
  to rest of the gang
AFM, antibiotics have shifted infection, clinic says it not a problem, using this month to synch completely with donor, then tx next month. This time I'm feeling the drugs more than usual, I'm a weepy, temperamental wreck.... hopefully aquacise will give me an endorphin surge and normal ice maiden service can resume x


----------



## Jess81

Seemslike, 
yep certainly am!! it's different this time though i'm not sure why... i had no symptomns whilst DR but i had my baseline scan on Monday and it's all fine so on progynova tablets now! 

Due to have ET on 24th January... i'm being signed off for 2ww i wouldn't be able to concentrate at work! 

glad your on track to start again. 

how is everyone else? 

xx


----------



## Jo1980

Hi mind if I join in You can see my IF history in brief on my signature. 

I'm hoping to start my 1st FET March / April time, I've only been through fresh cycles before so FET is all new to me. Before my FET I'm having the hidden infection screening through Serum in Athens dependent on the results I may also have immunes testing done. 

Frangipane I think I remember you from my cycle in may 2011?


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Welcome, Jo  . Hope your Serum tests are clear so you can have tx in March.  
Beth, hope alll is well, good luck for tomorrow.
Lost 1.5lb at fat club!
Hope everyone is OK


----------



## rory2011

Well done sl4e. I have put a pound on in 2 days....still too many Xmas chocs and food in the house!


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies  

SL4E - great work with the weight loss, it's a struggle not made any easier by this iF  

Welcome jo  

Beth - how are you doing?  

Jess - how are you feeling? 

Deb - you're a brave lady to be surrounded by babies, i ffind it all soooo hard  

Beth and pixie, thanks for the acu info.

Afm hystero yesterday went well.  Operation notes said no adhesions found, normal cavity, relieved.  So should be cycling in about two weeks.  Prescription arrived today, so need to sort meds.  Have booked to do acu at a place near my clinic, recommended by the clinic.  More money, but will be worth it if it helps  

Have good weekends ladies  

Lil one


----------



## rory2011

Great news lil one. Fx for a bfp xx


----------



## bethholm

SL4E- well done too!!!

Lil'one- great news re hysto,will be keeping an eye on your progress over the next month and praying it's your time my lovely.AFM, c section brought forward to either this Tues at the latest or before as BP still not behaving itself!

Much love to you all.

B xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

PHEW! Breathing a huge sigh of relief that Lil One's hysto went well, and Beth has a safety net in place if bubs needs to come out before tues.
 everyone x


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Hoping everyone is good. 

Lil'one-so glad the hysto went well.

Beth-glad you are Getting through it all ok even with high bp. Baby will be here in no time at all. How exciting x x 

A big welcome to all the new ladies. I'm sorry you find yourself here. 

I have not been on here a while. Been trying to get my head round everything. Lost the plot for a bit but am ok at the moment. Think it was a delayed reaction to the last BFN. Anyway have been back to the gym this week and lost another 1/2 pound at fat club. Have lost 9 pounds to date now. Lots of people mentioned my weight loss at the gym so this made me feel really good. (I hate the fact I have put three stone on due to all the ivf treatment and have nothing to show for it) so am even more motivated for the week ahead now. I've got a scan on Monday to check what is going on with my lining. Gotta send pictures to penny and then depending if it is working correctly we are going to plan FET. So it's all go at the moment. 

Hugs and love to everyone. 

Rach x x x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hugs to all..

i've  decided to go for broke and consult. Braverman! ....


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello Brumbar! Nice to see you'. Does Dr B mean a trip to New York? Hmm, my devious little brain thinking what a fab excuse for a trip but doubt DH would allow it .
Rach love, not surprised you had a meltdown,.good luck for the scan, hope all is good inside. Well done on exercise and weight loss, love it when people notice.
Michimoo, how are you hun?
Rory, we had a relatively choc free xmas' & the cat got on the dining table and opened  wrapping on savoury snacks, licked them all, then stomped off, so they ended up in the bin. Better than on my hips I suppose. The one bit of chocilate I did have - choc orange- the labrador managed to get off top shelf of bookcase. Grr.
Got to dash, at work today, miss MIL visit, oh dear, DH got her all to himself


----------



## Rosa1939

Hello everyone, hope all doing ok

Beth, how exciting, hope everything goes smoothly. You've been such a source of comfort, inspiration and help to so many people on here, will be thinking of you over the next few days xx

Hello to all the new ladies. This is the best thread on FF! Everyone is so kind and supportive. X

Rach and Michimoo, so sorry to hear your news recently.  There are no words but thinking of you both Xx

Lil One, glad hysto went well for you. Good luck for next cycle. X

AFM, still thinking about what to do next, AF due in next day or two and will speak to penny about what she recomends. Some days i am thinking try one more time with own eggs and other days just go to egg donation but just not getting any clearer. I suppose it never will really, just have to pull my finger out and make a decision one way or another!

Brumbar, what does Dr Braverman do?

Hugs and best wishes to all xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Brrrrr ladies  

Rach - so good to hear from you.  No surprise you went a little off the rails....we've all done it  .  Glad you're feeling ready to try again.  FET is pretty quick, as you know....  for you this time.

Rosa - any more thoughts from Penny re next steps?

Brumbar - where is your next cycle?

Beth - are you still at home?  

Afm very touched by your kind words ladies.  Spoke with clinic yesterday who have suggested a slight reduction in dose as estrogen was border line too high last time.  Just waiting for ovulation, then will be able to predict dates more easily.  Almost excited to be cycling again....am I completely  ?

Lil one


----------



## Rosa1939

Hey Lil One,

Penny has suggested a tandem cycle (my british clinic have suggested doing straight donor egg) as she thinks that as I produce a good number of eggs on low doses that I still have a good chance.  After 7 fresh goes, not looking too likely I think but I do trust her. Having trouble deciding what to do for the best. 

I was just looking at your sig, and gosh you've really been through it. Which clinic are you with now? X


----------



## lil&#039; one

Rosa, i'm at create.
They've been amazing, really looked after me especially when i wasn't well  .
Have heard great things about penny.  Is tandem 1 oe and 1 de?
Lil one


----------



## Rosa1939

Yes, tandem is own eggs and donor eggs. She has also suggested trying donor sperm just to try and figure out where the issue lies as its not clear, most of our embryos just don't seem to get past 3/4 days. 

I have a friend of a friend who has just had her first BFP using create.  She very highly rates them! Good luck with it all. My fingers are firmly crossed for you that this is the one.  I know what you mean about being excited trying again. I always feel a mixture of excitement and fear! 

Going to settle down to watch some Saturday night tv with hubby now! 

Hope everyone has a good weekend. Xx


----------



## waikiki

Just a quick message for Brumbar - I have recently consulted Dr Braverman, so let me know if you have any questions that I can help with.

 to you all.

waikiki


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi ladies,
I hope you dont mind me posting. Just thought you girls would be the perfect people, as I am hurting beyond belief. Sixth embryo transfer, convinced it was going to be our time, and yet again hopes crushed. I will be honest, I am in pieces and just need some help. Really need some help actually. Sending hugs to you all, I dont want to feel alone anymore.

Squirrel xx


----------



## Nordickat

Hi everyone (((hugs)))
Squirrel is a very special friend of mine so please take good care of her while she is here.
Love to you all, Katxxx


----------



## Mogster

*Squirrel* you are NOT alone. We all understand what you are going through. It is so hard isn't it 
I have days where I want to cry all day. Take some time to yourself and don't worry about anyone else except for maybe yr partner. Time to look out for number 1.


----------



## bethholm

Nordicat- wonderful as ever to hear from you.xxxx

Squirrel- massive hugs my lovely.Welcome to THE best thread on FF and so sorry you find yourself on here.Many of us have had multiple (and I mean multiple!) IVF failures and MCs so we can empathise with you.Which clinic are you at?I'm pretty clued up on immunes,acupuncture/Chinese medicine and hystos so please let me know if I can help in any way. 

Love to all

B xxxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hey  
Kat -   xx
Mogster - thank you so much for understanding and making me feel welcome. I hate that you girls know how I feel but I thank you for your kindness xx
Bethholm - thank you for the hugs and also making me welcome. I am at barcelona ivf, after first cycle at the Institut Marques. I might well pick your brain on immunes as my local clinic are quite keen. To be honest, had all the tests and the only mild elevation was the cytokine ratio so finding it hard to justify? NK cells fine...Xx

Kat told me this was an awesome thread and thank you all for making me feel better tonight. Xx

Hugely appreciated,
Squirrel xx


----------



## bethholm

Squirrel- as Mogster says, you are not alone my lovely.

B xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies  

Squirrel -   we know that kick in the teeth, I am sure that beth can offer some words of wisdom.....as can the other ladies here, a special bunch..... 

Nordi - good to hear from you, I hope you're ok?  

Afm thought of you all today....was at the gym doing some horrible abdo exercises, when that song came on....you know the one....titanium....fire away, fire away.....yeh...we are......all of us.....strong ladies 

Keep safe in the snow, Lil one


----------



## bethholm

Lil'one- very poignant lyrics on Titanium! I especially like for us on here:"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'." Currently lying in hospital with BP earlier of 176 over 120 something so I'm being monitored hourly.So much for a good night's sleep!

B xxx


----------



## coweyes

Beth 


Sorry to here your in Hosp, xxx


squirrel


I am so sorry   .  I also had several rounds of treatment before it was found out that i would need pgd, luckerly it worked first time for us.  Your more then welcome to come join us on the pgd thread. xxxxx


Hello everyone else, sorry i don't post much any more, just doesnt feel appropriate, but i always read what everyone's up to. xxxx


----------



## Jammy J

Hi cow eyes. Hope you don't mind me asking but how did you come to the decision that you needed PGD? I don't know much about it but as I'm on my 3rd cycle I'd be interested to hear your story. 
Many thx x


----------



## coweyes

Jah

We had 2 cycles of icsi and one nat fet at BCRM, that was our nhs cycles used up. We then heard about egg sharing and decided to give it a go, because of this we ended up at The Lister. As part of there screening they tested my chromazones ( karyotyp[/size]e ) and very [/size]randomly found i had a balanced translocaton. Its quite odd really as there is no one else in family showing any signs of it! Even the consultant said it was an [/size]unusual way of finding out!!
[/size]
[/size]Anyhow with that we were told that the only real hope for us was pgd and that the other cycles that we had had were pretty [/size]pointless! Even though that was the lowest point to the whole journey our luck kind of changed after that!! It took a year from finding out to actually having treatment. In that time we changed clinics, sew several genetic [/size]councillors, were very very lucky to receive nhs funding   . and had our probes made (the markers that are able to detect the defect chromazone, this takes at least 3 months in itself). 

It was kind of the last chance for us, we ummed and arrred about if we wanted to do anymore treatment anyway as things we so against us. We both had a fertility problem and i now had a genetic one as well! We were told that we pretty much wouldnt get funding and at £9000 a go we could have only afforded to pay for one, so it really was our last chance. Anyhow we had an amazing cycle and were very lucky that we had 4 healthy embryoes (out of 20 collected). One put back in me and 2 frozen, one that did not quite make the grade. I am now 32 weeks pregnant with a baby girl, and still have 2 healthy embryoes in the freezer. The out come is much much better than i ever hoped or dreamed of. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx[size=small]


----------



## ruthybee

Hi Everyone,
I haven't been on for awhile as our treatment had been put on hold due to me having 12 cysts on my left ovary and i am now looking for a bit of advice. 

I had the cysts removed successfully in Dec, but due to a mistake during the operation i required an emergency laparotomy on my small bowel. The previous surgeon had somehow attached my bowel to my umbilicus which left me with a blocked bowel, perferations which needed to be resected & i needed to have the bowel washed out due to perintontis.

This has left me feeling very low & pretty helpless. We have 2 blasts left & will have them put back, but it's left me feeling that we have no chance of ever having our own children & i don't really know what to do. I would love to say that if the blasts don't take that we'll try a fresh cycle but we have lost all trust in fertility doctors & hospitals & treatment drugs etc.

If anyone has any advice on how we can get through this with our sanity intact i would really appreciate it.

Thank you for reading & I'm sorry for the me post.

Ruthybee


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello everyone!
Waikiki, Kat and Coweyes,  
Squirrel, welcome hun......sometimes all we can do is simply say 'we understand',cos we truly do.
Ruthybee, what a nightmare, not surprisedthat you're off doctors completely, hope your insides soon heal.
Hello to Jah and Mogster.
Beth, hopefully you're cuddling your baby by now - been thinking of you all day. That was impressive BP last night.
d
Rosa, Lil one, Jess, Rory, Brumbar, Rach......and everyone dropping by


----------



## squirrel2010

Hey ladies,
B - wow, hope your BP is controlled and you are taking good care in hospital, hope it all goes well xx
Lil'one - thank you for understanding, and for the welcome xx
Coweyes - long journey and congrats to you, thank you for the support xx
Kat -   xx
Seemslike4eva - thank you for your understanding and the welcome xx
Ruthybee - you poor thing. What dreadful surgery. Not surprised you have lost trust, but it was only that doc who created a problem. Your abdominal surgery doesnt mean your uterus will have given up, honestly. It is your trust in doctors that needs tending first - gently gently catchy monkey. Talk to another clinic or a trustworthy GP about your horrors. Xx

Everyone -   thank you. Kat told me you were all fab and thanks for letting me into the fold xx


----------



## rory2011

Welcome squirrel, so sorry you are here but it is a fab thread.
Beth hope you and baby (and your bp) are ok...
Ruthybee I am not surprised you feel like that. I cannot believe what has happened.our confidence is not exactly great during ivf but hopefully with time things may be one clearer.
Cow eyes it doesn't see, 5 mins ago since you were announcing your bfp. Time has gone quickly.
Hi to everyone else
Xx


----------



## wobs

Hi everyone

Squirrel - sorry you have joined us   try to take some time out for yourselves and just do what you want to do - veg, eat, watch rubbish telly etc... 
Ruthybee - sorry to hear about your ops!  Sounds terrible!!! Hope you are feeling less sore soon.  2 blasts on ice is great. 
Beth - hope you're ok

As for advice on how to get through this I don't know really as everyone has their own way of dealing with things....I like to have a plan and know what is going to happen....Or sometimes I just bury my head in the sand and try and ignore it all and get busy with other stuff.
I also find walking a great distraction.  Somehow when I'm walking it makes me feel better and I can remember that actually whatever rubbish I am going through it will be ok in the end (Kat what's that saying!) whatever happens, it just may take a time to get to that stage.
I'll always remember after having my 2nd emergency laparoscopy coming out of hosp feeling v sorry for myself and then walking past a chap in a wheelchair who had no arms and legs - for me that was the perspective I needed.  
I think you have to take it on a day to day basis.  What do other people do to make themselves feel brighter?  

Hi to Coweyes (glad all going well   ), SL4E, Waikiki, Kat, Lil'one, Rosa, Jess, Rory, Brumbar, Rach and anyone else I've missed

Wobs
x


----------



## MrsPootle

Hello there!

Just hoping I can join you ladies... I had one miscarriage and 4 BFN IVF cycles... so here I am, trying to put myself back together.... again.

Not sure if cycle number 5 will happen, I'm so not over number 4 yet and got lots of stress at the moment - trying to find a new job (I took some time out for cycle #4 at the ARGC), selling a house up north and later this year - trying to find a new one down south!  Being busy is keeping me occupied, but it feels like a difficult balancing act, as I can't keep pushing the emotional side away (I'm a very practical rather than emotional person).  Seeing a counsellor which is certainly helping (although I'm doing some stuff which is well out of my comfort zone - visualisations and the like), but I have moments where life feels too complex to deal with - and I just feel mad-panicked!  Finances will also need to be built up for number 5 if it happens.  Sometimes I'm so tired of having to deal with infertility and the impact on our lives.  I can't remember not worrying about it these days...   

Anyway, hoping I can join and get some support here too,

Love Mrs P xx


----------



## ruthybee

Hi ladies,

Thank you for your kind words. I feel much more positive today & after a lot of soul searching have the basics of a recovery plan formed. First off i need to get myself physically & emotionally strong again. Part of that is going to putting pen to paper & writing a complaint letter. I really don't want what happened to me to happen to anyone else so feel i have to write to my local pct . The other part is that i need to enjoy myself, have fun with my hubby, puppy & friends again & go on holiday. I really would love some warm sunshine on my back soon. I think i'll then be ready to face hospitals again & have our blasts put back. 

Mrs pootle welcome, everyone is lovely here & are a great support. I hope that you get your strength back i understand how hard itcan be.

Ruthybee xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi girls, 
Hi Rory, nice to meet you and thank you for the welcome xx
Hey Wobs - your advice and coping methods sound good. I do agree about perspective as well. I just need to leave my personal pity party and get some . Sounds like you have been through a lot, you must be very strong xx
Mrs Pootle - sounds like we are in a fairly similar position. I wish you werent but it is nice not to feel alone. I completely agree - it is utterly exhausting being this worried and single mindedly focussing on one thing that is so hard. The counselling is invaluable. PM me anytime.   xx
Ruthybee - too right make a complaint. It is negligence. You deserve explanations and compensation. Am medical and it all sounds like pure surgical incompetance. Your plan is great, and you deserve tlc, holidays and support xx

AFM, bfn on monday and cant see a way out just yet. Doing classic grief cycle, shock, disbelief, anger, pain, sadness blah blah blah. I hurt so much that I cant breathe sometimes. I feel like after each bfn, my heart has shattered then healed over with a weak scab. This time, my heart is too broken to scab over yet. But I want another plan, I want someone to believe in me and give me hope back. Waiting for doc to come back to me. 
Havent got out of pyjamas all day, and if I sit here any longer - a wise owl told me I will get bed sores! How do you get the strength back to get through this? Sorry for the long pity party whine. 

Thank you to you all, sorry to be so miserable. A very sad squirrel xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies

Beth - any news yet? 

Ruthybee - what a horrible thing to happen.  We felt that our first clinic were responsible for not picking up our ectopic despite three abnormal scans, we pursued a claim for a while, but it didn't get anywhere.  You should at least complain to the hospital, but make sure it's going to make you feel a bit better, your healing, both mind and body, is the really important thing  

Squirrel - it's ok to be in pyjamas for a while, you can sort the sores out after  .  Give yourself a break, it's early days.  It can be good tto have a plan, maybe book your follow up and write down your questions to get things ordered in your mind?

Hi mrs Pootle, I think we have met on another thread?  Sounds like a lot is happening for you,I can't remember not worrying about it either  

Hi to everyone else, hope you're all ok in the cold weather?hugs to you all wobs, coweyes, rach, rory, SL4E, and anyone else out there  

Afm had my first acupuncture today, after your recommendations beth and pixie, was a really positive experience.  He was telling me how in chinese medicine it's good for your fertility to have had any kind of bfp, so that lifted me a bit.....small things....

Lil one


----------



## MrsPootle

Thanks ladies.  Will reply with some personals tomorrow.  Had a good cry in front of the fire tonight and feel much better for it xxx


----------



## wobs

Ladies

Hope you are all doing ok

First of all sorry if my last post came across as insensitive - I'm a teacher and can be a bit bossy and brusk sometimes sorry   
There is nothing wrong Squirrel with taking time to grieve and I think a 'pity party' as you put it is a definite must.  We have to grieve, cry, snuggle up under a blanket, drink wine or hot chocolate (depending on preference!), eat cakes/chocolate etc... I made the MOST delicious chocolate cake with butter icing and chocolate buttons on after out last BFN.  I'd been on a really strict gluten free, sugar free diet so cakes were a no-no...and it was the loveliest thing.  Needless to say there have been many more baking sessions since then as I find it really relaxing.  Of course I will need to start sharing these goodies at some stage otherwise my body will have something to say I am sure.... We all cope with things in different ways.  My DH is a 'getter-on-er' and I guess I am too- I suppose in some ways I'm lucky in that respect.  It doesn't stop me crying sometimes but gradually things have got better.

Mrs P - sorry you are joining us and sorry for your heartache.

Lil 'one glad the acu was good.  Silly question here - acu has always been recommended to me (both for fertility and for headaches) but when I look at pictures of people with needles in the face etc... it just makes my stomach churn.  I used to hate doing injections, but after so many cycles wasn't an issue just got on with it.  Would always be in a cold clammy sweat after every injection though.  I have always assumed that the positive effects of acu would be outweighed by the negative effects of me lieing there stressing about needles?  Is it like that?!

Hope you are all safe and warm if you have snow
Wobs


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello everyone!
Mrs Pootle, welcome. We're stuck in the house move cycle, too. For me, having this other c**p to deal with distracts me from dwelling on the IF, but whether that's a good thing or not, I don't know.
Squirrel, I'm a big fan of duvet days, or even just an afternoon in bed with a book, at the best of times I need 'time out', more so when I'm feeling utterly miserable. As long as you change position every 2 hours, you will avoid the bedsores   
RuthyBee, I think that some time being 'normal' again sounds wonderful, so much gets put on hold for IF, that we forget our former selves, and we do need to rediscover them. For me, it meant putting my foot down about going to an adults-only 'do' on New Years Eve, it was 'fun', pure and simple.
Wobs, send me a slice of chocolate cake any time! i find baking quite therapeutic too - haven't done any since Christmas. I had a very disappointed queue at Church on  - our turn on coffee rota - cos there wasn't any homemade cake!
Lil One, glad you enjoyed the acu. I'm on warfarin, so I don't know if I could have it, might end up looking like a garden sprinkler with blood spurting out of the punctures   
Rory, Brumbar, Rosa, Jess, Waikiki, Beth.....and all   
We're calf deep in snow in Brum, Glad I haven't had the call from Czech as I can't fly anyway with the weather, just got to maintain my endometrium until further notice with estrofem and utrogestan until I'm alongside my donor. Lovely weekend of cleaning ahead, as buyer's surveyor coming on Monday, phew.
Happy snowballing!


----------



## MrsPootle

Evening all,

Well the last two days have been a significant change from the rest of the week - I've felt quite perky - but for how long god only knows 

I've been trying to do 'mindfulness' for the last two days - and it's starting to work.  I was just so down this week everything seemed like an effort.  But then I remembered what my counsellor said - listen to your body and not your head.  So I stopped punishing myself with a regime of busy, busy, busy and instead just listened.  I realised I'd been trying to be busy, but feeling guilty when I didn't hit all 999 things on my DAILY to do list.  So I've tried to be more practical, listen to myself and get rest if that's what I need, and work when I need to and enjoy relaxing...  And if pain is what I need to feel then embrace it - hence my sitting in front of the fire in tears but it was therapeutic.

Thank you for the warm welcome too... much appreciated  

Now some personals:

Seemslike4eva - Know what you mean about busy being handy - we got our details for north house to be signed off in the post today. Hooray!  Another milestone over.  My folks live in Brum, I hear it's bad up there, I have my fingers crossed your endometrium behaves!

Wobs - I've had acu and needle phobia by the end of cycle 4 (regards blood tests).  I found the acu needles much finer and a different feeling - personally I found they didn't hurt at all.  Most acupuncturists are pretty understanding if you tell them you are nervous.

Lil'one - we might have met before - I get around on here! Glad the acu went well and it was a positive experience.

Ruthybee - I always feel better with a plan.  Hope you have managed to get your letters written and the sunshine booked   

Squirrel - I'm not sure how we get through this - but I think everyone has their own way.  Personally, I recommend head in sand then wallowing (see above)    I jest but I know there's nothing to laugh about.  I think you have to be patient with yourself and give youself and DP as much time as you need.  Only then can you start to try and make sense of it all - and that's the difficult thing when you are several tries down the line.  Lots of love to you  

That's all for now,

Love Mrs P xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovely girls,

Lil'one - am glad your acupuncture was positive! Anything that makes you feel good, has got to be worth it. I tried acupuncture but i have a needle phobia, and the stress prior to putting the needles in out weighed the relaxation after! I would try it again though, as am much better with needles after all the bfn's etc! I genuinely did feel very relaxed in a weird way once the initial stress of the needles went. Let us know how you go. Am definitely getting a plan together, good advice to write it down. Xx

Wobs - insensitive?! Dont be daft! You are not bossy. Dont be naughty! You are lovely, just like the other girls on here. I want some of your cake! Your baking sounds awesome and a good way for you to relax. I am a dreadful cook and take my hat off to anyone who embraces it! You are 100% right about how everyone copes in different ways. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and let a lot of emotion out, and tend to have massive melt downs. How embarrassing. I sometimes look back and am mortified at my tantrums. When the nurse gave me my bfn on monday - i made a total prat of myself. Aaaah.   xx ps try the acupuncture, just once. Putting the needles in doesnt hurt a bit, it is the expectation. Go on, dare ya   xx

Seemslike4eva - hope your endometrium is keeping nice and duvet warm, it will be fine. Hope the house cleaning is a distraction and therapeutic, and all goes well with surveyor. Am glad you approve of duvet days too  . Hope the snow doesnt disturb any flights to czech, are you at reprofit? Xx

Mrs P - am glad you go to a counsellor too. I have heard a bit about mindfulness? Is it just allowing yourself to feel how you feel, so you can get through it? I need me some of that! It is great to hear you feeling more perky - dont question it, embrace it. Hope the house stuff keeps you busy and you can make more plans when you feel like it   xx

Everyone - thank you for making me feel like it is normal to need duvets and crying etc. thank you for accepting me. I have genuinely been a right prat this week with my reaction to our bfn   and you have all helped to make me feel better xx

AFM - can see a light at the end of the tunnel.   Maybe i am getting better?! My lovely doc from the ivf clinic, plus our patient liason lady have both said they wont give up on me, and we can move forward and try again, with the PGD. We have a follow up with our local clinic on tuesday next week too. Saw my GP today and had a good chat, and feel a bit more calm and trusting in the doctors who are trying to help me. I have issues with trusting doctors, and interfering in my own treatment plan! Am medical myself, so too much knowledge makes me a terrible patient  . Went to see The Hobbit, and have decied that we are much like Hobbits! Not the hairy feet!! The fact that we are all on an unexpected journey, which is damn hard, and needs perseverence and friends to get through. It has also snowed, for first time in years - i LOVE it! Oooh, was that a positive comment from the sad squirrel? Must be feeling better. Love to all and sorry to waffle xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Tiffanymi

Hello everyone. Hope you don't mind me joining in. Went for my blood tests today for my first IVF and devastated it was negative. I guess I always thought it wouldn't happen to me even though I kmow the condition of my eggs. I feel empty ESP since i haven't let anyone know except my husband because it would add pressure. Not sure if second attempts are more successful.


----------



## rory2011

Hey ladies, are you snowed in this weekend? We are planning not to move too far, the road does not look great outside and there's supposed to me more snow at some point today/weekend.

Squirrel, glad you are seeing the positivity in the snow! I hope things to get easier, they do but it does take time and for soe people its about having a plan, for others it's about crying till no more tears come out or a bit of both. Do what your body and mind say, occasionally they are right! I know what you mean about being medical, and knowing too much. Although not a dr I work in the NHS and sometimes I feel a know too much(even though don't work directly in IVF) and wish I didn't.

Lil one glad you enjoyed acupuncture. anything that makes you more relaxed must be doing us good. I am currently trying hypnotherapy for anxiety but hoping it will help out with the IF.

Wobs, you did't come across as bossy..don't worry. Hmm cakes, you are giving me the idea to try some of the nice cakes I saw in a recent good food mag. i suppose I have no excuse this weekend to give them a go.

Mrs P, glad the mindfulness is working. I think we have to cut ourselves a lot of slack, we do try to push ourselves too much sometimes and we just need to do nothing to give ourselves time to heal. We do all survive it but each time has been different for me. 

beth, any news? I am assuming you have had baby by now. Hope all is well xx
SL4E, hope this snow doesn't hamper your plans. Are you flying from Brum airport? I hope they get there act together and defrost the runway for you!! Good luck!

Ruthybeee good luck with your complaint letter, hope it helps with the road for recovery.

Hello to everyone else, afm, still no news waiting for af to turn up so I can book trip to athens for hysto and chat and immune testing. Then will decide when to go for next cycle.


----------



## rory2011

Tiffanymi, so sorry you are here. Give yourself time to grieve for the loss, you'd be surprised that you do feel able to get up and do it again (and again, and again.. in some cases). hopefully your next cycle will end in a bfp. there is a good article about learning from your bfn. it may be helpful for your review appt when you feel up to looking at it. It is at the top of the negative thread, by Shellebelle.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning ladies  

Hope the snow isn't causing you too much of a problem.  We strapped our walking boots on and went out for a walk and a meal last night, very romantic.....as long as you're not driving in it, that is  

Squirrel - so glad you are feeling a bit brighter, it makes a big difference if you have a doc you feel happy with.  I too am medical, there seem to be a few of us on here, so I am quite convinced I am a complete pain in the a#£& to my docs  

Tiffanymi - welcome, second and subsequent cycles are often successful, because it's about learning what gets the right results for you.  We were told at our second clinic that at a first consultation, the docs told new patients to plan for at least three cycles and all the frozens in between.  I   you will get there.  We no longer tell people either, like you say more pressure you don't need  

Rory, hope this snow doesn't affect your serum plan  

Beth.- how the devil are you both?  

Mrs Pootle - sounds like you have a good plan for taking care of yourself, I try to keep mega busy too, and often feel I haven't succeeded when it isn't all done, maybe I need a leaf out of your book.  So glad you are feeling a bit better  

SL4E, loved the image of a sprinkler  , hope the weekend goes ok

Wobs - the acu really wasn't what I expected, only 7 needles, I didn't see them, he put them in and i relaxed for 20 mins,  this session was about opening my energy channels.  He likened it to aligning the magnetic force and following the channel, I could understand it, and felt an amazing pull from my right ear, which was representing my heart, hopefully all the stress has drained away.  Future sessions will concentrate on the areas needed to 'do their thing'.  Feel good about it  

Hi to all our lovely ladies, hope you're all ok.

Enjoy the snow

Lil' one


----------



## Tiffanymi

Thanks Roy and lil one for your response. The article did help. I just really want to go back and do this again but am not sure how long I should wait if I get my AF this week. Can I do my next AF? This would be about a month after blood test where I found my negative. Does acupuncture help?

Have a good day


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Good morning!
Hello Tiffanymi, sorry you're here, but welcome- I know a few people who have done back to back cycles, and got a pos on the second try. I guess it depends on you, if you're able to emotionally, physically and financially, and there aren't any problems.
Squirrel, I'm probably your emotional oposite.....my heart and emotions are under lock and key  . I'm with a not-very-well.known clinic, called Sanus, in Hradec Kralove. About 1.5 hrs from Prague, in opposite direction from Reprofit. They have offered me a huge discount on a fresh cycle, after 2failed FET, and the fact that they have made 2 of my friends pregnant!
My endometrium is always perfectly behaved, triple striped etc, AF never shows before OTD, which only adds to my frustration! 
Rory, usually fly from Luton with Wizz Air as cheapest, and not had a problem, plus 30kg luggage allowance! Fligjts from Brum to Prague scarce and pricey.

Sending hugs and permission to eat chocolate - we need the extra cals to keep warm xxx


----------



## Tiffanymi

Thanks seemslike4ever.  Hoping I can contain myself at work without sporadic bursts of tears. This stuff really is hard.


----------



## Mogster

Hello everyone 
Little bit of snow here but apparently more expected tomoro.

Welcome to all the newbies Sorry you find herself here x

*Tiffanymi* my clinic wanted me to have 3 AF before starting again. Depends on clinic really and also if you are mentally prepared.

*Squirrel* great to see you are feeling more positive. It does get easier. Sending  your way 

*Wobs* Cake sounds great  I'm a teacher as well. How do you cope around kids I have good and bad times. One of our mums is expecting her 7th soon and I feel like screaming at her! She can't cope with the ones she has got!!!

*Seemslike* Im taking your advise and going to eat chocolate and lots of it!!!

*MrsPootle* I have considered counselling as I don't really talk to anyone about my thoughts and feelings. Not sure if open up to a stranger either tho 

Hi to everyone else 

AFM - Still in limbo. Think a plan may be forming but to be honest I've quite enjoyed not thinking about it all. My prob is getting time off work. Boss doesn't know and isn't great at giving time off. DH and I are very tempted by a different clinic who offer evening and wkend appointments. It's a little more money but may be worth it if takes the stress away. Anyway, def decided that we will have another cycle. Not telling anyone this time as made it harder last time. Will have to reply on you lovely ladies   

Enjoy the snow and stay safe


----------



## Rosa1939

Hi everyone,

Welcome to all the new ladies, this is such a warm, supportive thread with some special ladies, the one I always come back to. X

Was popping on to see news of Beth, hope you are doing ok, thinking of you. Xx

Some snow where we are but nothing too awful, things seem to be carrying on as normal, hope everyone is keeping warm and cosy! Xx


----------



## rory2011

Mogster  I would  go and look at the other clinic and see how you feel. We changed after 3 attempts as our old clinic wouldn't do any investigations into our failures. This new clinic did early morning, evening and weekend appts. Made all the difference to me as it meant that didn't need to take too much time off work and I felt they fitted in with what my body was doing rather than their schedules which happened at my old clinic.

I ended up only stimming for 8 days as my eggs were growing so quickly on the short protocol whereas if I was at my old clinic they had my ec planned before I had even started treatment!


----------



## pinkpixie

Lil one glad y.ou enjoyed the acupuncture


Wobs acupuncture is v different to injections doesn't hurt needles are really fine might be worth giving it a go 


Sending everyone lots of hugs


Beth huge congratulations have just seen ur sig bet you never thought you'd get there xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Congrats Beth, wonderful news


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hi ladies, I've not been on hear for ages but I just want to pop my head in and see how everyone's doing and woohooo congrats Beth on the birth of your little special baby boy.. Well done mummy x

Love to everyone else xxx


----------



## bethholm

Evening ladies- after 8 IVFs and 4 MCs, over 1200 injections, many procedures and operations and countless tears, William Ellis Gareth was born on Tuesday 15th January weighing a dinky 5lb 12oz. Never give up hope ladies- cling on to it on those darkest of dark days,of which we know they are many. 

As I mentioned several months ago, I was concerned that it may be inappropriate to continue to post on here however I have tried to keep my posts to offering support and information and I would really like to continue to do this if no one minds (but at the same time totally understand if anyone does). I was also very concerned posting my good news as it breaks my heart that we recently have welcomed so many new ladies on to this wonderful thread.I hope I haven't offended or upset anyone but instead have given you all hope.

Much much love

B xxx


----------



## rory2011

Oh Beth congrats. I am so pleased your baby is here safely. Hope your bp s ok now. You have given us so much support....please carry on if you have the time...I think your little man may have other ideas!

Good luck hbk...hope this is your cycle! Xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Beth don't you be saying things like that without you half of us if not all of us wouldn't have hope to cling onto... Your living proof IVF can work and please stay on this thread and please talk about things as its really life.. God bless you xxx 

Rory thank you flower.. It's going to be a long 2 weeks!!! Xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Beth,  so happy that all went well, please stick around - when William allows  
Hbk-hun,   hard for you xx


----------



## Mogster

*Beth* I'm sitting here crying tears of joy! Does give me home. Hope I can be as determined as you to achieve my goal. Congratulationsv


----------



## Rosa1939

Lovely Beth, huge huge congratulations to you and hubby, so pleased for you after such a long journey, I bet you can hardly believe it!.  Please do stick around, if your little one lets you, would not be the same without you xx

HBKMorris, fingers and toes crossed that this is the one x

Hello to everyone, its started snowing here at the mo, going for a snow fight and some sledging! Hope all the gang are well and warm. Xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi lovely ladies,

Beth - i know I only met you this week but you were very kind to me. Huge congrats, you deserve this. You do give me hope and dont let me give up. Looking forward to seeing you on here, and again - congratulations xx
Hbkmorris - hi and huuge hugs for the tww, hope you can survive without the head games xx
Rosa - hi, enjoy the snow! Wish i was coming with you, all melted here! How rude! I love snow xx
Mogster - we changed clinic early on to somewhere with much more patient focus. Go for it, take the stress away from inconvenient appts etc, this is stressful enough. Maybe go meet them and suss them out when you feel ready. For me, speaking to a stranger ie counsellor, was strangely easier and i would massively recommend it xx
Tiffanymi - keep going, chances are you will find your miracle in the next go or two xx
Seemslike4eva - sometimes the more well known the clinic, the less patient care, so glad you are with a clinic with personal recommendations and success stories, plus you can get there more cheaply! My endometrium is like yours! I agree, only adds to the frustration but at least is one consistent thing in our cycles! Xx
Lil'one - glad your acupuncture helped, how often are you doing it? Xx
Rory - any sign of the witch?! Xx
Mrs P - hows tricks? Xx
Ruthybee - any joy on your letter? How you feeling? Xx
Wobs - can i have some of your cake please?! Xx
Everyone else xx
AFM, limbo now changed to planning and possibly next PGD go in March or April... Follow up with local clinic on Tuesday. Still pretty up and down after our bfn, and need to get out of the blame game i play with myself! Huge to you all and glad to meet you all. Squirrel xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Hoping everyone is well.

A very big congratulations to Beth and her little pickle you so deserve to be a mummy. Please continue to post you have helped me so much through my ivf journey. X x

A very big welcome to all the new ladies I'm sorry you find yourselves here.

A big hi to Rory, lil'one, sl4e, wobs and all the other fantastic ladies out there.

Afm I've just got over a horrid flu bug so have been out of action most of the week. So diet has gone down the drain hence putting on 1/2 pound at fat club this week and just when I get better and i wanna sort to go back to the gym again we get loads of snow so can't get the car off the drive at the moment. Very frustrating!! It started to disappear last night but is now snowing again. 

Had a scan last Monday to check thickness of my lining just as a trail before I start my FET next month and it was very irregular in thickness which was just another kick in the face. Any tips of ways to improve lining thickness. I do Viagra vaginally on cycles and have had two hysto's in the last six months any other suggestions? Have also been treated for hidden c etc....

Rach x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Rach - have you tried acupuncture and Chinese herbs from JohnBowen? Wishing you tons of luck with your FET. 

Hbkmorris - thinking of you in the horrible 2ww. Tons more luck to you too. 

Massive congratulations to Beth - looking forward to meeting William soon. 

Hi to all the lovely regulars and newbies. Always thinking of you all and read regularly. You are all amazing people. 

Love LTW xxxxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Evening lovely ladies,
Hope everyone is doing OK. I'm in shock.....DH has been diagnosed with TB! He missed the BCG at school, and has been unwell since before Christmas with a chest infection. 3 lots of antibs, steroids and fancy inhalers didn't touch it, then he started with hideous night sweats. Something clicked at the back of my memory from nursing that the night sweats could be TB, and now he's had an abnormal chest Xray which makes the GP 90% sure its TB. Signed him off work for a month. Just when I thought things were coming together nicely....


----------



## rory2011

Sl4e hope it's not tb....but if it is I hope he gets well soon xx I hope it doesn't have any implications for your treatment.


----------



## wobs

Hi ladies

Been busy on here...I can't keep up!

SL4E - so sorry to hear re: your husband.  Hope it isn't tb as Rory says.  At least the GP is now sorting it out hopefully.  Hope doesn't muck up treatment.

LTW - hi!  Glad to see your signature.  Hope you're doing ok.

Beth - lovely news!  

Rach - hope you're feeling better from your flu.  Sorry don't have any advice to offer re: thickness.

HBK - hope you're doing ok    

Rosa - how was the snow fight

ROry - did you try the recipe and make some cakes?  Unfortunately I have discovered a recipe for making big cookies that are just like the ones you buy in the supermarket....They don't last long   ooops

Pink Pixie & Lil'One -interesting re: the acu....Did they put the needles in your face??    That's my fear!!   

Tiffany - hope you're feeling brighter.  Most clinics want you to have at least 3 periods (including the one from your negative cycle) before you try again although some are more flexible.  One of the reasons for this is making sure your ovaries aren't overstimmed and have had a chance to rest so you get good eggs etc... I also think you need to be emotionally ready too.  Try not to worry too much - us ladies on here are in the minority - most people who try IVF have a pretty good chance of it working after a couple of goes.  Many clinics also see the first cycle as a trial cycle to see how your body responds etc... and then they can tweak things on your next cycle.   

Mogster - good idea to look at different clinics if you are finding it stressful otherwise.  I went the other way and started with easy clinics - near to home so I couldn't miss work and then ended up at ARGC... I didn't really take any time off on early treatments (done in hols) but on 1st ARGC treatment GP signed me off.  Do you have a sympathetic GP?  I did speak to my head and chair of govs and explained before the treatment.  I fully expected them to kick up a fuss and not pay me but I guess the fact that my GP was going to sign me off meant that really they just had to go with it.  In the end they were v supportive.  I felt HUGELY guilty about taking time off re: the cost to the school but it was SOOOOO much better having time off and not worrying about work.  I was the most relaxed I have ever been on a cycle.  I also spoke to my union and human resources department at county in confidence to see what their policy was so I knew what I was allowed.  If you think your GP might be supportive might be worth asking?
Re: coping with kids at school I can honestly say I have been v lucky and just enjoyed teaching them.  Yes I have had times of sadness most of the time I've been ok.  Usually I've been so busy I haven't had time to think about it whilst at school.

Hi to everyone else 

We have decided to put all thoughts of any more treatment to bed for a while, probably permanently - well it was only me that was hankering after it really - so may or may not post.  Should really ween myself off!

Take care everyone & good luck in whatever you decide to do
Wobs
x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies  

Beth - I hope you're enjoying your time with little William, would be glad to hear how you are doing from time to time, the thread wouldn't be the same without you  

Rach - i hope the flu has gone, re thickness, I am not really sure - during cycles I up the levels of pineapple juice and brazil nuts for the lining, i'm sure you're already taking pregnacare or the like of vitamins?    What had penny suggested?

SL4e - poor you and dh, I hope it isn't tb, but if it is I am sure your gp can get on top of it.  A friend was diagnosed last year, some not very nice meds later, is now ok. But it's something else to sort, isn't it?  

Squirrel - how are you feeling? Was your follow up yesterday?

Hbk - how are you going? Hopefully you're not too   on the 2ww

Wobs - that's a big decision, I am sorry if the journey didn't lead you where you wanted to go......or maybe it will at another time?  Take time to look after each other  

Afm - hello af, early, but nevertheless means I start back on my crazy train tomorrow.  13 is my lucky number, so   harder than ever.

Hi to everyone out there, keep warm  

Lil' one


----------



## Hbkmorris

Afternoon ladies, thank you all for asking about me.. Sorry I'm on my phone and goingboutvin half an hour so it'll be a little a quicky.. 

Hope your all ok.. The snows so nice yet so bloomin annoying!! 

I'm just plodding on.. No real symptoms had some tummy ache today but its f'd ego lack of toilet action that's causing that! Other than I'm all normal.. I'm terrified to thing good things as I could fall so I've worked out some dates for FET but I'd have to tap my folks up first!! Failing that it'll be waiting another 6 months so I can budget for it but I can't wait that long.. Anyhow enough of me whittering on!! 

Thank you again for thinking of me.. The 2we stinks doesn't it.. I wish I had some twinges, cramps etc!! 

Take care peeps, love you all lots xxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

I've just spent 2 hours scanning stuff to send to my GP... sheessshhh!! Never again!  Anyway seeing him tomorrow to see if he will continue to treat my thyroid... he'd better  

Other than that, the stress of job hunting is keeping the worry part of my brain nicely busy   Been feeling a bit better over the last few days which is not before time 

hbkmorris - good luck with the 2ww - thinking of you xx

Wobs - I'm in a similar shaped boat.  Not doing very well at weaning myself off, as even though treatment days may be over the bedroom action isn't.  So I'm off back to basics *goesbacktocave*.  Always around if you need to chat xx

LO - Good luck with the crazy train - seatbelts on!! xx

SL4E - Sorry to hear about DH - hope that doesn't thwart your plans too severely xx

LTW - Think we might have met on another thread too - hope all is going well - 21 weeks eh?? xx

Love MrsP xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi ladies,

Beth - hope all going well xx

Rach - i agree with lil'one - heard about pineapple juice, brazil nuts for the selenium, or suplements, i have friends who take vit E, and viagra, and some girls have better luck with oestrogen patches as well as tablets...massive amounts of best wishes and good lining vibes for you. When is next scan? By the way, my doc said be wary about chinese herbs, but acupuncture meant to help too xx

SL4E - this journey doesnt get easier does it? You poor things? Any thought on where he contracted the disease? You ok chest wise? Huge   and sending virtual strength. Let us know how he is xx

Hbk - sending strength and cuddles for your tww, yup it stinks but you are strong and can get through this. No symptoms is a good thing, I know lots of people who had none xx

Lil'one - ding dong the witch is here! Good luck in bucket loads. Keep us posted, and hope the witch not being too evil. What is your plan from here? Xx

Wobs - i saw another post from you in another area on here, and was really thinking about you at this crossroads. I know we have only just met briefly but I wanted to send   and tell you that your strength is remarkable. Follow your heart, and dont be frightened of that. I think it is braver to consider stopping or changing treatment, than anything else we have to go through. You have our full support and no decision is irreversible - i agree with a very wise mutual friend of ours. I hope you dont think I am speaking out of turn as I have only just met you, but sending love xx

Mrs Pootle - sounds like you need huugs too  . Keep strong in the job hunting, and i hope your doc sorts the thyroid side of things. Bedroom action sounds like fun   and here if you need a rant about it all xx

Anyone who is hurting - sending virtual chocolate, duvets and wine xx

Anyone who has reached their dream - congrats and sprinkle some of that there baby dust in our direction xx

All of you - thanks for welcoming me on this thread xx

AFM, my little squirrelly brain is muddled with thoughts of immune second opinions, endometrial scratching, trying again in March / April, and how to muster up the strength. I even went for a run (which admittedly turned into a walk) and did a yoga dvd today. My back hurts and I feel I am now allowed chocolate! Xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Squirrel - there is much to think about, would squirrel the sharpest of brains  
I am doing sp with gonal f, cetrotide, clexane, prednisolone and gestone plus acu.
I won't post much about it on here as i know it's not really the place, but your support is lovely.
  I do feel like we are throwing everything at this one    and  .
Lil' one


----------



## rory2011

Good luck lil one....  that this is going to the your cycle xx
Hbk....hope the next week and a bit go quickly for you and you get your bfp....it is about time!

Mrs p good luck with the gp....
Wobs,   with your decision...I always try to have a break from ivf and ff but some how I end up thinking it more and the idea of another go seems appealing. Not sure if that will happen again after another cycle. But if you are still lurking on ff please do visit us. I didn't make a cake in the end, I went to local shop to get some of the ingredients but they had run out of stuff.. Iwas them too much of a wuss to go out in my car in the snow as the roads by us aren't gritted....so stUck to eating the remainder of my Xmas choc!

Afm af has turned up so happy to book my trip to Athens in march for hysto. Feel as though things are moving again although still a hankering for a natural bfp as it will be the first month after taking antib's for hidden c that we can actually try..dh had flu at beginning of jan so not in the mood! 

Hello to everyone else


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Just stopping to check on you lovely ladies and to say huge congratulations to lovely Beth! You are absolutely right, it does give us hope! 
Really sorry to see so many new ladies on here ( admitedly i've not visited in a while ) ... Stay strong! X


----------



## Jess81

Hi girls, 
Just thought I would pop in and let you know that I am officially pupo and now on the dreaded 2ww!! 

Congrats Beth!! 

Hope you are all ok

Jess xx


----------



## rory2011

Good luck Jess. Fx this is the one! 
Hey brumbar how are you?


----------



## rory2011

Well we have just booked our flights for early march to go to serum after our dec disaster....hoping no adverse weather will be appearing then. Just need to book hotel! Hoping to have immune tests and hysto done and a hat with penny...still considering having treatment there but not sure how easy it will be to do it. 

Feel better now, at least things are moving on with our next steps!


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello lovely ladies,
Wobs   , I keep dithering over when to call a day to this too. Wishing you well, whichever path you take x
Squirrel, I had an endo scratch in October...it was only £300, and I thought well, it may help, and the biopsy showed high NK cells, so it was worth it. As for the mister's suspected TB, we live in inner-city Brum, with predominantly immigrant population, and high rates of TB. We also both work for a social outreach project, see lots of homeless/drug addicts too.
Lil One, hoping the crazy train is heading for destination BFP 
Rach, hope your lining will co-operate, like the others I'd heard selenium - good, also ginger encourages blood flow, both come in capsule form at holland & Barratt, and won't do you any harm.
Rory, I'm sure March is going to be a lovely month   
Mrs P, hope your GP listened to you. I can't get mine to take my thyroid seriously - my TSH is OK, very tempted to seek out the private endocrinologist mentioned on the thyroid boards. I'm trying - but not succeeding 100% - to see if going gluten free helps my thyroid.
Jess      well done on getting to PUPO x
HBK, any news yet love?
  Brumbar, Mogster, Rosa, LTW, Beth  and the gang
Well, apart from pandering to the invalid    I'm still taking the drugs, no news on a donor yet, but the consultant does take donor matching quite seriously - my friend's little boy is long and thin, like his tall parents - but with this weather, it's prob not such a bad thing. he's hoping for february.
Have a good weekend everyone x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hello hope your all doing ok.  

SLF thank you for asking about me, I'm doing ok nothingvtobreport really report other than a few cramps, aches and pains on my right ovary.. It's not period pains its more a bloody massive cramp then it eases off other than that nothing to report no sore (.)(.) and no implantation bleed so not sure what else to make of it all. 
When do you think you may be matched to a donor? Are they talking weeks or months? 

How's everybody else on here? I fear I'll be rejoining you next week and no matter what people say about PMA I've lost it big time!! 

Take care lovelies thinking of you all xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies  

Hbk & Jess, how is the 2ww treating you both? Don't symptom check, it's impossible to tell  

SL4E - hope you and poorly dh are ok? Your consultant sounds very thorough, do you wait for a suitable donor and then prep as you would for a fet?  

Rory - no snow in march! Glad things are moving for you.

Hope you're all ok.  Just saw life of pi - lovely film.

Lil' one


----------



## Jess81

Hi Lil one, 
it's going ok... so far! i'm trying to be normal! we went out today for a couple of hours which was nice. oh i don't symptomn check like u say impossible to know!! it's far to early for me anyway only had a 3 day transfer so implantation won't happen till monday/tuesday... :0S 
how are you? xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

I'm good, Jess,
Bit early for me too, trying to relax...... 
Lil' one


----------



## AUSSIE1

Hi everyone 
Congrats Beth such wonderful news!

Well I have been made redundant at work this week! It's only January and I am already dissapointed. My plans are out the window!

Love to you all xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Oh no, Aussie, what a start to the year for you  
things must turn around now


----------



## seemedlike4eva

HBK & Lil One, doc is hoping for a feb donor, I've been on estrofem since New Year, then added  uterogestan last week, so I'm hoping donor is soon! t's the prep they use for FET, as they supplement natural cycle, no diwn-reg. So I'm in an artificial state now of keeping AF away.  Moods seem to have settled down thankfully. 
Aussie, what a bummer. Really hope new doors will open foryou very soon


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. Hoping everyone is ok. 

Sl4e - good luck for feb donor. Not long now. 

Lil'one , hbk and jess praying you get your BFP this time round and hoping the tow is not killing you too much. 

Aussie-so sorry about your job and really hoping something comes up for you so your plans can go ahead.

Rory- glad you are sorted for march. 

And a big hello to all the other lovely ladies on here. Sorry for no more personals I'm a bit behind with what you are all up to at the moment. 

Not much going on for me at the moment. Lost another pound and a half at fat club last week. Have been going to the gym loads to take my mind of things and to get fit. Well try At least!!! Af should be here some time next week and as soon as it is I start my FET cycle. So gonna start planning for this this week.  Not getting too excited yet gonna wait and see what penny has planned for me. 

Big hugs to all

Rach x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Rach! good job on the weight loss! v proud of you!!!!!
Lil'one, jess, hbk - fingers x-ed!!!!

Hi Aussie and everyone else i've not mentioned!  So sorry to see there are new additions to the thread 


Rory, so I might see you in March at serum then  
that's right ladies, Mrs Brum is doing it again! I know i'm crazy and after so many failures i should've probably given up, but I WON'T!!!!! The stubborn mule is getting preggers and is having that baby (ies)!
So here's the plan:
Having a consult with Dr.Braverman next week, a laparoscopy on valentines day ( what better way to spend it than under the influence of morphine LOL) and then staring stimms with my next bleed on or around the 10 of March- flying to Athens on the 17th! BFP end March early April, baby(ies) born in December.... One has to be positive, right?

Love to all! 
X


----------



## bethholm

Thinking of the 2WW ladies.xxxxxx

Brumbar- well done on being bl**dy minded and determined.xxxxxx

B xxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi girls  

Betholm - hope all going well xx

Brumbarfly - your post is superb   and thank you for making me smile - and feel like I want to get on the same band wagon as you  . Gluttons for punishment   but I love your plan, and looking forward to seeing it unfold xx

Rach - nicely done for the healthy eating, and healthy living - I need a leaf out of your book  . Hope the witch arrives on time, and you can plan for your FET - sounds promising xx

Seemslike4eva - oooh, I hope a fabulous Feb donor is sorted out, and that the hormones keep you stable til then. Hope you have more patience than me, for waiting for donor   xx

Lil'one and Jess and hbk - hi   and sending positive vibes and baby dust on your tww xx

Aussie - so sorry to hear your work news, really feel for you. Hope things suddenly change for the better, you deseerve it after this news xx

Rory - good to hear you have a plan for March, I hope you can enjoy a break off tx til then xx

Everyone else and apologies if I have missed anyone out -   for whoever needs them, and a virtual glass of wine for you all too xx

AFM, slight plan too. Had been checking out the moving on threads to try and test myself to see if I can keep going, and like Brumbarfly, I am going to fight  . Endometrial scratch, second opinions on immunes, plan new PGD cycle in March / April....holiday at end of Feb, and diet / trying to deal with the mental/emotional side for now - gawd knows I need my muddled squirrel brain to settle down! Take care xx


----------



## rory2011

Brum bar like the sound of your plan! 
We are going to be in Athens from the 6th-9th march...so may not get to meet.


----------



## bethholm

It takes a phenomenal amount of courage to decide to move on and I have complete and utter respect for those ladies who had that amount of courage. For those ladies,like me who are bl**dy minded, again I will post one of my favourite IVF quotes-

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'."

B xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Thank you lovely Beth for that quote... And thank you for being here to give us all courage! It means a lot! 

I also like the one about  people  who gave up without realising how close to success they were.... I can't actually remember the actual quote! 
Squirrel, glad that post made you smile hun and I like your plan!!!!! 
I must admit i keep reading the surrogacy thread but something keeps telling me that it's not what i need, so i just go with my gut feeling and i keep trying... I may regret spending everything i've got on this,  but i'd hate myself and regret my decision if i didn't try...  So here I am on IVF #7! Without obvious reason for the failures  of my natural attempts or my AC cycles...  Lets see if Braverman finds a cause! 

Rory, i'll just miss you guys, but not if i fly for a baseline 


Love to all
Xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Hi Ladies  

I'm back. Sorry I've been AWOL. Just needed some time out from FF.
I haven't had a chance to catch up yet as I feel like I just need to dip my toe back in to the world of treatment again. I promise I will read back & see all your news.  

Well we had our consultation with ARGC & to cut a very long story short it seems my DH sperm doesn't like being frozen, I have an immune problem & my eggs are granulated. Very annoyed about the frozen sperm issue as we have asked this question at all our failed & have so far been told "no problem at all"!!!!!
I asked about DE & they said they wouldn't yet as they see many people with my egg grading get pg & the fact that we had 3 out of 3 fertilise would imply that my eggs weren't terrible otherwise we would of had none. They also said that even though they were slow to divide they were all still top grade.

In all, DH & I are going to try one last time with my own eggs at ARGC. But before I do I need to lose weight & start exercising.
I am swimming twice a week for half an hour & have lost a few pounds.
I have been having quite a few bad days recently where I feel like I am never going to get pg. I just can't see it and that makes me feel really sad and actually quite bitter now.
DH is back at work so I have far too much time to think about things.
I can't remember the last time I had a good old belly laugh.
I don't share these thoughts with anyone as I'm a very private person & always the one that people come to with their problems.
I'm the rock for everyone else when people ask how I am I always say "fine".
I do just want to scream sometimes.

Anyway I thought I'd let you all know that I haven't disappeared completely & have been thinking of you all for weeks. I just didn't feel ready to write things down. 

Much love

M
Xxx


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## Rach76

Hi all, hoping everyone is ok.

Welcome back michimoo. Glad you have a plan for the future. Really hoping you feel better in yourself very soon but I know how hard it is. 

Hi brumbar-fly-so impressed with your strength. Your posts really help me carry on. 

Well I'm struggling today. Been doing so well but all that seems to have gone down the drain today. What with 8 failed Ivf's, an ectopic, a miscarriage, 2 hysteroscopies a gain of three stone in weight and an af that is just taking forever to get here I just wanna cry. Been trying so hard to be proactive trying so hard to loose weight and all and I just feel like with everything else it's one step forwards and two steps back! I did 12 exercise classes each one an hour in length over the last week and have been eating like a rabbit and all for the loss of half a pound.... For god sake half a pound! Talk about knock you when you are down! Why is it I feel that there is not anything in my life that is going well at the moment. Surely something good has got to happen soon....... Anyway thanks for listening to my rant. Don't know what I would do without you guys there to listen. 

Rach xx


----------



## rory2011

Hi Michimoo 
glad you have decided on what to do next. How annoying that they have no decided that sperm doesn't like freezing when you asked that qu before!
I know exactly how you feel, I do wonder why I am considering going through IVF again as it hurts so much when it doesn't work. They don't know why we're infertile which is even worse as there's no obstical to overcome. Although I have always thought it's down to my low amh but I also seem to make a decent amount of eggs.

I find it hard to talk to anyone about it. I am a private person and for our first 3 cycles it was only DH and I who knew (I only joined FF in my 3rd cycle, and it has been a fantastic support).  we did tell parents after 3rd failure and my sister but no-one else. i have met up with fellow ff which has been really nice to talk to someone who knows what you're going through and won't say stupid stuff like I know how you feel it took me several months to concieve...well no you don't know how I feel as you haven't been waiting for nearly 5 years and have had to pump yourself full of drugs to end up with not even a bfp... To be honest that is why I haven't spoken about it with friends,  as they all have kids and not had any probs and I can just hear all the silly comments!

I nearly spoke to a work colleague about it as they had IVF, worked 1st time but decided against it as I was in the negativity of my 3rd failure and thought that they didn't need me being all gloomy about IVF before they were about to start, but I am so glad it worked for them. 

But saying that I want to have a baby...my own if possible so here we are off to Athens for a hysto and immune testing in early march. I do think I am mad sometimes but if it gets us our baby, then I will do what I have to.

Rach, sometimes you just need to cry it all out to feel better. Exercise...i have been burying my head in the sand. I need to loose half a stone but I have been so lazy and only been to gym once in Dec and once so far this month...I am going to go this evening so at least I can say I have been more times this month. Must get back into going several times a week.

Thank goodness for this forum to come and rant about stuff...at least you guys understand xx


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## squirrel2010

Hi girls, really hope you dont mind me chipping in

Your last few posts have really rung true with me and I wanted to say you are not alone, and thank you for letting me know that I am not alone in how I feel. I know I have only just started on this thread so I hope you dont mind me commenting - I know I dont know you all but if I can help, I will  

Michimoo -   hi, nice to meet you. Your comments about not knowing the last time you properly laughed / how sometimes you want to scream / too much time to think / days when you think you will never get pg.... Did you steal them from my tiny squirrel brain?!   it sounds like you have been through so much - like all the ladies on here - and the very fact you are planning a cycle, swimming, losing weight - that shows a lot of strength and inspires me. I tend to get very apathetic and go with chocolate and sofa-tastic weight gain and misery... It also sounds like you are a great friend and support to others, and I hope you can find the same now you are back on FF. xx

Rach - again - your comments about how you have been doing so well and suddenly things go backwards again - you echo my thoughts entirely and I am so sorry you are feeling like that. It is amazing how you can feel like you are on an even keel, and then something side swipes you and down the slippery slope you go again. Well I do anyway. I always think with weight loss, it appears a week later than you think - in my weight watchers classes i always lost half a pound the week i had bust a gut trying to diet, and the two pounds the following week when i had comfort eaten a whole tub of ice cream! Your story sounds unbelievably painful, and you have been through so much, talk about allowed to rant?! I really hope today is better, and things have to change for you, I hope they change pretty darn quick xx

Rory - hi   your quote ' i have met up with fellow ff which has been really nice to talk to someone who knows what you're going through and won't say stupid stuff like I know how you feel it took me several months to concieve...well no you don't know how I feel as you haven't been waiting for nearly 5 years and have had to pump yourself full of drugs to end up with not even a bfp..' rang sooooooooo true with me, and even gave me a wry grin   so thank you. You hit the nail on the head. I have very few friends who have simply said to me how sorry they are, and that they cant imagine the hell we are in. That type of comment was perfect for me. It also sounds like you have been keeping things very quiet, and I applaud you - I think my mistake was to tell people and now the expectation of each cycle, and people asking how I am - the pressure is too much. Xx

Thank goodness for this forum and the relative anonymity. I feel I can write and rant and cry and hope, with ladies like you who genuinely understand. 

Hi to everyone else xx

AFM, I feel a bit like all of you. Good friend just given birth (upset with me for not supporting her through her pregnancy), best friend told me last night she was 12weeks pg, local clinic told me today they want me to have a 2-3 month break, plans for next cycle gone out the window, more tests recommended instead...... thought I was coping, and now having a massive struggle. Woke up crying and pretty much continued. But it kind of makes me more stubborn. To find a way to make this work. Brumbar-fly and Beth inspire me and so do you all. Drat, run out of tissues and too ugly from crying to go to the shop! Onwards.... A wise friend who has had 15 cycles told me her mantra - CHIN UP, TITS OUT. That is all I can do, but maybe tomorrow   xx


----------



## MrsPootle

to Squirrel, Rory, Rach and Michimoo - sounds like you are going through a really rough time.

The only things that might be of use is what gets me through these dark days... yoga & mindfulness.  Honest it's the best thing ever.  My brain frequently goes into overdrive and I find when I can't SHUT IT UP I have to do this to get my realism head back on.  All I do is lie down, or just shut my eyes sitting, and concentrate on how the soles of my feet feel on the floor, then how my feet feel, the toes, the ankles - you get the idea working my way up the body.  You are meant to go slow, but sometimes the concentration on a physical part just helps you let go of whatever is distressing you.  Mind you - I've had times where letting go means lots of tears - so have the tissues handy.

As for weight - I can really empathise.  I put on a whole 3lbs during treatment and then 10 lbs since!!!! OMG!!! I just hate it.  I'm doing bootcamp now 3 times a week and so far, after 1 session and eating like a rabbit - no weight loss!!  Where is the water loss you usually get in the first few days huh?  So tonight I'm off again tonight to workout - but off to a gigantic meal afterwards since my and DH have been together 20 years!!  I'd ordinarily be really looking forward to it, but we have both been ratty with one another for days so I hope we don't end up throwing dinner at each other LOL.  I'm sure we will enjoy it.

And yes, I'm awaiting AF.  She's torturing me - 3 POAS in 6 days.  I'm spotting slightly but each stick as told me BFN and after just over 6.5 years I can't even be excited that I might be preggers!!  

Love to everyone 
MrsP xxx


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## Lucky Brumbar

I like the CHIN UP, TITS OUT  mantra  

This all sounds very similar to what's going in my head! The hormones have made me put on weight ( and i'm too lazy to shift it!) and i am having little tantrums wondering if it's ever gonna work!!!! Some BFN's are taken better than others ( i'm wondering if i am becoming  immune to them).  BUT  then i say to myself : Mrs Brum, crying is not going to get you pregnant, get up, pull yourself together,  make a plan and start acting...  

What helps me is doing research on causes for RIF.... Now i'm looking into some publications on the mechanism of implantation and genetics - it sounds like certain combinations of paternal and maternal HLA  genes are related to abnormal production of HLA G - which in turn appear to be the important in  creating immune tolerance to the embryo....  It is quite confusing and i don't know much about genetics to filly understand this, so i decided to consult Braverman to shed some light and possibly help me identify the cause of my RIFs 

Any learnings will be shared 

Love to all
And ... CHIN UP, TITS OUT! It will all be worth it at the end
X


----------



## rory2011

Love the chin up, tits out expression. 

Brum bar I work in genetics so understand some of it to a certain extent. What I can never understand is that if mine and dh Hla was too similar and can't conceive...then how can loads of people who are related to each other, who therefore would have lots of their hla's the same/  very similar but you don't see lots of infertility in those communities...that's why I never fully understand why... 

Mrs p af is being cruel!


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## MrsPootle

My GP said to me the other day - 'I guess you become a bit of an expert when you have had this many tries and no luck'.

UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR - I'm sure you will all agree!!

But no, benetics ain't my bag.  

Brumbar - I give myself that talk too!!

Rory - Very cruel... I'd like it to just 'get on' and I might lose some PMT bloat thus weight loss happens!!!!! 

Squirrel - hope you are ok

No looking forward to night out - found a dress I can squeeze into (zips are necessary to, ahem, hold, everything IN) - so after an hour of running around doing star jumps, press ups etc - it should be good.

More tomoz xxx

Oh - and I love the Chin Up Tits Out - I might have it stitched onto a scarf LOL x


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## Lucky Brumbar

Rory, you ultra clever genetic genius! anybody undrtstanding genetics is a genius in my books!!! it's not the matches that are an issue,  i think it has to do with  the actual combination  of the HLA types and the inability of the mother with certain HLA genes to create tolerance to an embryo carying the genes of a father with certain HLA type.
I think the theory you are refering to is that HLA matches makes your body see the embryo as "altered self" and attacks it. With the one that i'm reading on ( or trying to!) there is no " targeted" attack as such, its the implantation process that is faulty. I've been trying to find out which HLA combinations are affected but i can't find  much except for a post on Braverman's forum commenting on some lady's results suggesting exactly the same thing i've read! Certainly for myself and DH it would explain the inability to concieve naturaly or with AC when he already has two kids and my immune system appears normal! 

Will pm you the article  when i get a chance, i made a note of it somewhere in my books at work-  shhh don't tell my employer !!!! 

Hi Mrs.Pootle! CHIN UP and TITS OUT and off you go - enjoy you evening


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## rory2011

Thanks brumbar I will have a read...immunology isn't my thing though!


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## bethholm

Loved the 'Chin up,tits out' comment- maybe it'll become as popular as the 'Keep calm' range- a see a niche in the market there and a way of making money!

Thinking and praying for the 2WW ladies.

The whole IVF process is such a b***h of a roller coaster and throughout the four years or so being on it (and IVF friends getting to the point where they were onto having their second child wich felt like a kick in the balls- I mean, if they were finding it difficult to conceive like me, how is it they were onto there second and couldn't even manage one!!!I found that hard to deal with) I too couldn't remember the last time we went out to the cinema, for a meal or spent a school holiday not doing something related to IVF. Virtually every single penny was spent on IVF. Things such as our shower broke and we still haven't had it fixed 3 years on.I took on more private teaching in the evenings, sold my car etc as the vast majority of funding for our IVF, fell onto my shoulders as I earnt considerably more than DH (which was an added stress).Our whole married life was spent on fertility issues and my lowest point (which many of the regular ladies on here will know and remember) was when DH's DD aged 16 had a one night Christmas stand and got pregnant. I found out who my true friends were as they tried to understand how I felt or did totally get this primeval need and drive to have a baby. After seven attempts, there was no b****y way I was going to give up, after all, what would all the blood,sweat and tears have been for.You have to have hope that it WILL work eventually.Hold on to that ladies and together with all the ladies on this thread, we will help each other get there. 

'There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.'

Much love.

B xxx


----------



## AUSSIE1

Beth you are wonderful! 

Love and luck to you all xx


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## seemedlike4eva

What a lovely post, Beth.
Love the mantra too, although in my case it's CHINS plural  
 for our 2ww ladies
having problems with font size suddenly, either small or large.
I'll try again tomorrow...hugs to you all x


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## Lucky Brumbar

Thank you lovely Beth!  
Xxx


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## Hbkmorris

I'm back on this board ladies got another negative this morning.. I don't know what to do anymore no money and no where to go. X


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## MrsPootle

Beth that's beautiful xx
hbkmorris - so sorry to hear your news   You sound in a similar boat to me - take time out now - don't rush into any decisions xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

So sad hbkmorris, thinking of you


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## jamaicababytrying

sorry to hear hbkmorris   thinking of you at this time


----------



## bethholm

Hbk- massive massive northern hugs my lovely.xxxxxxxxxxxx


B xxxxxxxxxx


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## squirrel2010

Hello angels,

Hbk - my heart goes out to you.  . I was where you are only a few weeks ago. For now, it is raw, awful pain, and we will be here for you whenever you need us. Cry your heart out, feel however you feel in that moment and dont for one second think you are reacting in anything but a normal way to acute grief. You will feel better but for now, just know you are not alone xx

Mrs Pootle   i have got a yoga dvd, and am looking into mindfulness. Thank you for the hugs and hope the witch gives up her torture one way or another xx

Brumbarfly - glad you like the mantra - I stole it off a fabulous ivf lady so he she doesnt mind! I soooooo want to know what Braverman says to you, RIF can hopefully RIP  , your strength is inspiring xx

Rory - hi  , ooooh genetics scrambles my brain. Take my hat off to ya xx

Beth - I have copied and pasted your words so I can re read them. Keep being our beacon of hope and logic, thank you so much xx

Aussie, longtimewaiting, JBT, seemslike4eva - hi girls   xx

HBK - wanted to end sending you even more   xx

Well ladies, glad you like chin up, tits out - can be niftily shortened to CUTO! I will introduce my lucky orange knicker trick soon  . You know what? If all of you lovely ladies are on here, the world is officially bonkers. The only thing that makes me feel slightly better is that I am in good company. If you amazing girls are here, then I cant be the useless horrid individual that I often think I am.   xxxxxx


----------



## rory2011

Hbk so sorry  
I was really hoping that this was the cycle for you xx


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## seemedlike4eva

HBK, I was so hoping that I'd log on to your good news. Darling, I'm so sorry,    .
Michimoo, nice to see you. Good luck with the fitness campaign. I am the ultimate couch potato, but gentle pool exercise has boosted my mood.
Mrs P, hope you enjoyed your night out. My BFF is emigrating to Denmark next month    - the only friend without kids - and for her leaving party I've bought a LBD with the hidden corset. Plus body-sculpting tights from M&S, as an added precaution. I hope AF turns up properly for you.
Squirrel, lovely lady, I can't wait to hear more about the orange knicker trick - have you put it on You Tube?   
Rach, hope you're feeling a bit better hun. I find the same as Squirrel, that my weight loss goes in a 2week cycle. 
Jess and Lil One    things still on track.
 Rory, Brumbar, Beth, Jamaica Baby, Aussie and everyone.
AFM, no donor news. Ecstatic to have lost 5.5lbs at WW today, and got my 1st silver 7, but also feeling rubbish with a chest infection, and got to wait til sat for GP appt...


----------



## Hbkmorris

Thank you ladies your all one in a million. I'm not to personals (sorry) but I am thinking of you all and I'm very grateful to be with you all right now xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies  

Hbk - i am so sorry, I was   that when I saw you had posted it was good news.  I don't know what to say, other than we are here for you to help carry you through whatever is next for you    There are lots of us here, we are strong  

Beth.- beautiful, you have made me feel hopeful so many times, even putting corrie on hold  .  I am so happy that you know how lucky you are  

Rach - how are you today? I know that dark place, and i think this is a particularly tough time of year, but today was a windows down day....the sun is on it's way  

Mrs Pootle - what a helpful thing to say  .  I am lucky that i have a good gp, although my mum is an expert with helpful remarks, the other day she asked me why I didn't watch 1 born every minute.....what the?  

Love the CUTO mantra  ,  luckily I have ample of both.

Hi to everyone else, January is nearly over, Summer is coming!  Hope you're all ok.

Afm fine, Lil' one


----------



## MrsPootle

CUTO! CUTO! CUTO!

I love it!

Well, I've survived 2 Bootcamp sessions (although I walk with a stagger and have been UNBELIEVABLY tired the following day) and our night out was a success.  I was worrying a bit because I never, in all my wildest dreams, thought we'd be sitting here childfree 20 years on.  Not that we have been trying all that time, but it's a bit of a sticker to realise that the future is likely to be one without kids.  Ho hum.  

AF arrived this morning along with a hideous nosebleed and more tiredness. Blood tests today at my local surgery were 'a laugh' - the nurse was busy telling me how pleased she was that she had been trained in this.  Thyroid, glucose and electrolytes results will be back Monday and we take it from there.  My clinic sent thru some old thyroid results with a letter from the consultant - however nothing in the letter relates to the correct times, results or dates - in fact I'm wondering if they were based on my records at all.  I hope that they will sort it out.

Anyway, got a few hot tips on jobs to follow up and am looking at taking some professional qualifications whilst I job hunt.  Woo-hoo!  Get me!

hbk, lil-one, sl4e & everyone else - hello  Hope you all have a lovely weekend xxx


----------



## wobs

Hbk thinking of you


----------



## Rosa1939

Hi lovely ladies,

HBK, really sorry to see your news, I hope you are ok.  Take some time out to recover and look be gentle on yourself. Xx

Lil One and Jess, hope you are both doing ok. Fingers crossed x

Beth, hope you and your little one are doing well. Xx you are an inspiration  and thank for for the ultra positive affirmations!

Although I pop on here relatively infrequently, the ladies on here are never too far away from my thoughts. You are all a great bunch and i am so glad that we have found each other xxx

Hope everyone is having a decent weekend, hello to all, SL4E, squirrel, Rach, Michimoo, mrs p, brumbar, wobs, rory and the rest of the team xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi lovely girls,

Anyone else a Six Nations Rugby Widow?! 

Hbk - thinking about you, and sending more strength to get through this, here anytime   xx

Seemslike4eva - i am really sorry your bff is moving   and I hope you can keep in touch with the wonders of facetime, skype, and see her as a fab holiday destination...still sucks though. Orange knicker good luck trick obviously done nothing for me   and the comfort eating means I cant fit into them either   xx

Lil'one - hope all going according to plan, and you are ok xx

Mrs P -   how are you? Sorry to hear about evil af, but you sound positive and are doing lots of things to move forwards! Makes me feel like getting off the sofa! Hmmm, maybe tomorrow! Xx

Hi Rosa   nice to meet you xx

Wobs - if you are lurking, hi and hope you are ok xx

Everyone -   and hope your weekend is good wherever you are xx

AFM, up and down - one minute fine, total melt down in last 24 hours. Doesnt it sneak up and bite you on the ass when you least expect it? Had long emotional conversation with best friend, trying to explain why other best friend announcing her easy happy pregnancy has cut me to shreds, and how it is going to be hard to see her. I now feel guilty for being such a selfish friend. On the plus side, cried so much recently, am sure my tear ducts have to give it up soon?! Onwards buddies, CUTO xxxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies  

Squirrel - sounds completely normal to me  .  Don't beat yourself up, true friends will understand and will always be there for you. 

Hope you're all ok, lovelies  

Afm more drama, todays scan showed lots of follies, but e2 is 7000 and the clinic are talking freezing them all   after our journey it's just something else, hopeful it won't come to that, but it's taking all my efforts to keep CUTO

Lil' one


----------



## rory2011

Oh no lil one...hope things get better over the next few days. When are you due ec? 

Hey squirrel it does sneak up on you when you least expect it....especially if they think you have been doing well. Friends Pregs always put me on a downer, even though I am pleased...I'm just a tad jealous.

Hi Rosa, nice to see you around again.
Mrs p hope your test results come back ok...and good luck with the job hunt....what do you think you want to do? I went back to school after working fora few years admittedly this was in my late 20's....it was the best think I did though!

Hbk...thinking of you Hun  ...have you got a plan b yet? Did you have frosties from this cycle?

Hello to everyone else, hope you having a nice weekend.


----------



## Hbkmorris

I promise to come back on here when my heads clear and post replys to you all. 

I just wanted to say a BIG thank you for all thinking of me still.. I'm struggling this time thats for sure and not really sure wory.. here to go or what to do. 

Rory.. my cons is now thinking maybe I should try a naturaln FET as it could be all the high dose drugs that are casuing me problems but i'm scared my lining won't be thick enough or that I won't ov when I should (that would be sods law!) Anyhow we have discussed thawing my 8 eggs frozen from last year and seeing if we can get them to thaw and then fertilise and what ever we get (if I get any) to add those to my frosties and see if we can make a batch up in the hope to cultivate to 5 day blasto's but I think thats a bit hopeful knowing there sow frozen which isn't the best but we'll see. I think what ever happens this is my last attempt i truly can't afford anymore. Hope your ok muffin? x

Hope your all ok and had a nice weekend.. I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow.. had a wonderful 2 weeks off. Take care all lots of love and THANK YOU for your kind words xxx


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## Lucky Brumbar

V quick one for lil'one... Hope you don't mind me barging in...
Honey, i know this is very difficult, but believe me, it probably is the best desicion. 
If E2 is high, lining becomes unreceptive... I did a lot of research on it as mine also goes through the roof ...And you don't want to waste perfectly good embryo's.  freezing with vitrification has an excellent survival rate! 
Dr. Braverman for example would freeze  if E2 goes over 4000! And i've had  transfers with E2 of 10000 in the UK thinking it may work!

What you can do, and this is what i would ask Penny to do if mine goes high, is to transfer the worse of the good looking ones and freeze the rest.... 

Xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Thanks, Brumbar-fly,
I am coming round to that decision  
Lil' one


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi sweeties, Happy Sunday. 

Sending as much strength and chocolate as I can to anyone who needs it to keep their CUTO going.... 

Lil'one - you poor thing. I hate the way cycles can throw curve balls. Trust the doctors advice and keep going, you can do this xx

Brumbarfly - can I ask what you mean about E2 making lining unresponsive? I have quite a lot of oestrogen to prep my lining, do you think I need values checked? It seems with donor cycles they just give you the meds and scan you to check lining. Presume it may be different as am not stimming? Hope you are having a good weekend xx

Hbk - here anytime, look after yourself xx

Rory - happy Sunday   xx

Everyone -         ha ha ha just found these smilies - i am so childish! Made me giggle for a second at least, excellent. Hope this week brings smiles for everyone, even if it is just a little smile. I am trying so hard to take any smile to lift my spirits - apparently it is called 'whistling in the dark!!'. Squirrelly love to you all xx


----------



## Rach76

A very big hello to everyone x x 

Hbk- I'm so sorry to hear about your negative. Am really hoping you have a plan to get you through this difficult time x just think CUTO when going back to work tomorrow.

Sl4e- well done for the weight loss. Hoping your chest infection has gone now. X

Squirrel-loving the smiles x

Lil'one -hoping you are ok. I would definitely do what brumbar suggested. Sounds like a good plan to me. My e2 is always too high and my old clinic did not even mention that could be why I wasn't getting pregnant until after five tries. Was so ****** off all that money and 10 lovely embies down the drain as well as all the stress and emotional baggage that comes with it.  Penny thinks that my e2 was still too high on my last try and this is why it was not successful.  So she is working to keep it low for my FET. 

Hi Rory and beth x

Mrs P- best of luck with the job hunting x

A very big thank you to you all for your support over the last week. You guys really did help me get through it. Have been away to my mums for a a few days and have done some serious retail therapy which was very fun. Spent some quality time with my two sisters and am now back home with DP and my lovely mogs one who is the fattest cat ever and one who is the skinniest. Their unconditional love is priceless. X 
Af arrived sat so have my programme from Penny and have started my FET as of today so hope to be in Athens in the next couple of weeks. Am loving this cycling abroad as I get a little holiday every time. Have taken time out from the gym and have just eaten the biggest piece of apple crumble but thought sod it diet starts again tomorrow. X x x 

Rach x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Rach what CUTO stand for?! My minds gone to mush since my negative cycle.. I'm blaming the darn steroids which I'm still taking xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hbk - chin up, tits out   CUTO   xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Ha ha ha ha I LOVE IT.. I shall use it daily!!! Xx


----------



## jamaicababytrying

I was wondering the same thing too hbk... i love that one, actually out a smile on my face this morning!


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Squirell,

I doubt the pills will have such impact hun, I wouldn't worry about it. E2 is mainly high in high responders on OE cycles... 

Here's a study on the topic for those interested. If you google high E2 and implantation rates you'll get many more... 
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/8641496/

On phone so posted the first hit 
Xxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

That's interesting Brumbar - as mine was monitored last time and E2 was 17500 a few days before EC, then around 12000 at the time I was EC'd.  They continued to coast me for a few days though so I'm not sure what it would have been come the time of transfer.  I'll look into that.

Rach76 - I've got an interview on Thursday so relying on CUTO to get me through it - LOL

Squirrel - the dancing bananas are truly AWESOME....

Lots to "revise" - better dash xx


----------



## rory2011

Mrs p good luck with the interview xx
Lil one how's it going? 

Afm no news really . Athens trip booked for early march. I am waiting for a reply back from dr e about immune testing. I have an appt booked with him the day after hysto...but I think any NK tests I have won't be correct as having the procedure done e day before...hoping he gets back to me soon as I'll have to ask serum if I can swap hysto to the Friday and have immune testing on the thurs instead...

I am correct I thing that the hysto would affect my NK cell results?! 

Hope you're all doing ok xx


----------



## jamaicababytrying

Good luck on the interview Mrs P.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies  

Mrs Pootle, CUTO will be just the thing for your interview, will be thinking of you on Thursday  

Rory - I hope you get all the appts sorted for your Athens trip, the organizing can be a pain when you want to concentrate on what's important  

Rach - wow, the fet seems to be coming around so soon, following my recent experience, I have read soooo many reports of successful fet, particularly with high e2 in fresh cycles like us  

Brumbar - fly - thank you so much for your post, yours was the first thing which gave me a little glimmer of hope following the freezing conversation, you are great  

Squirrel - how are you feeling? 

Hbk - how are you doing? What is your next step? 


LTW, jamaicabt, wobs, and everyone out there, hope you're all ok?

Afm looks like we will freeze all embies, I swing between knowing this is probably the best thing, to feeling a bit emotional, thanks for your support ladies

Lil' one


----------



## pinkpixie

Jamaica baby trying    hi how are you often wondered how you are xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Good morning CUTO cuties  
Hope everyone is doing OK?
I've been reading and trying to keep up, but just not had energy to post - not emotional/IF related, just generally cr***y from this chest infection. DH has an appt at TB clinic on 20th....that was the soonest available!!! 
Mrs P - all the best for tomorrow
Lil One - sorry you have had this hiccup,  your E2 levels settle without making you too poorly.
Rach,  coming your way, I love my 'special holidays' too  
HBK  , I'm still in shock, had been hoping so hard for you x
Squirrel    a little smiley aerobics class for you. You're not a selfish friend at all - it damn well hurts when these pgs occur so close to home.
Rory, hope you manage to sort those appointments out to maximise the benefits. I keep telling the snow to 'go away' - we don't want any disruption to travel plans!
Brumbar, hope your plans are coming together.
Coweyes, how are you doing? You must be due soon
Beth, hope all is well in your new family
Pinkpixie, lovely to see you
Wobs,   
Jess, hun, OTD is soon? Please let's have some good news   
Rosa, Michimoo, LTW, Jamaicababy, and everyone,  
AFM, had a little hitch in the plans, I ran out of drugs - I'd kept an empty box  - so AF turned up. Restarted drugs today, and the waiting game continues x


----------



## coweyes

Hi seemslike4eva


Thank you for asking after me.  Yes not long now only 5 weeks  .  Wow carnt believe how quick its gone by. 


How are you? what are your plans, hello everyone else hope your all ok. xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Wow, Coweyes, it could be anytime from now on then!!
I'm Ok thanks, I'm waiting on a suitable donor for a fresh double-donor cycle in Czech republic, so they're keeping me in kind of cycle limbo, maintaining the lining with estrogen and progesterone, so I won't ovulate but be permanently mid-cycle til told otherwise. I mucked things up cos I ran out of drugs, but I'm popping the pills and 'fairy bullets' once more. Watch this space   
Just been invited to my first ever baby shower...obviously peeps who know nothing of our journey, I have decided to be positive and see it as a trial run for my own baby shower x


----------



## jamaicababytrying

Just a keep hi to all... pinkpixie hey I see congrats are in order! AFM still trying to cope... no walking for me tonight am just plain tired, tired of being tired... 

A friend of mine's sister passed away suddenly on the weekend and she was in her 40s, heart attack sad  
Then my nephew who is living with me while in university failed all his courses, so disappointing... can u believe it first term first year is this the pattern to come... oh boy and the worse thing is i keep asking for the grades and he keeps telling me hasn't gotten them but I have the inside knowledge

So I am just having a peachy week!

Mrs P good luck with your interview... have a good night ladies


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning ladies 

JBT - what a tough one , to have that info and having to keep it in. Shocking news about your sisters friend, makes us realise we're not invincible  I hope you have something nice to make you smile this week, you need it 

SL4E - 'fairy bulletts' - how beautiful, I myself have some bullets to contend with following my ec - some antibiotics, haven't had then before, hope they don't know something I don't from the ec as I slept through the whole thing . First baby shower, how nice, I am not included in those goings on either, I just don't know what is best, as i would prefer not to endure it, but hard knowing others see you as an outsider. One of my employees once told me 'we all feel sorry for you because you _can't have kids_, thanks . Hope you get the call soon 

Coweyes, so glad it's going well for you, not long at all 

SL4E - how annoying to run out of drugs, you've got to have this stuff at the front of your mind all the time, haven't you? Wouldn't it be nice to just get on with other stuff sometimes? Hope you're back on track 

Mrs pootle, rory, Rach, HBK, Squirrel - hello  hope you're doing ok.

Afm now having a fresh transfer tomorrow, confused as they told me they didn't think my endo would be receptive. Don't want to waste the cycle, and of course our little embies are precious. Will make sure we ask all questions before anything happens. I have already been researching ARGC for next cycle, I feel so ashamed of myself as we aren't there yet. Perhaps I need to get back to work . Had loads of pain in my  yesterday after gestone....really sore, and i'm not usually a woos about this. Anyone else experienced this? Poor Dh is so worried about tonight's jab.

Lil' one


----------



## jamaicababytrying

Hey lil' one yes it is a tough situation and you know what makes it worse is that I yearn so much for kids have so many nieces and nephews and have tried so hard to be there for them and this child is messing up and so bad and he hasn't asked for help, well that's teenagers for you... 

As for you taking antibiotics that is a standard thing here... But it is one dose and it is before ec both DH and I have to take it... good luck on the transfer   all goes well.


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Not good news from me I'm afraid! Another BFN to add to the list! 

I'm absolutely crushed but I can't seem to cry about it, is this normal or have we been through it too many times I just don't have tears for it anymore? 

Hope everyone is ok 

Jess xx


----------



## bethholm

Jess81- so very sorry my lovely to hear about yet another BFN for you. I think that because you've been through multiple negative cycles,it's perfectly understandable to be numb. It's only really hitting me what I've put myself through both mentally and physically as I threw myself into each cycle and only maybe shed a few tears in a one off show of emotion when I got a BFN.Hang on in there- it's GOT to work at some stage. Have you had full immunes done and a hysteroscopy?

Lil'one- thinking of you and keeping everything crossed.Will say a little prayer for you.


Thinking of you all- keep going ladies- there has to be something good after all this c**p.

Much love

B xxx


----------



## Jess81

Thanks Beth, 
I had level 1 immune a done but my clinic won't do any other tests until I've had another loss! So I'm going to call Cardiff today to speak about level 2 immunes. I've never had a Hystoscopy I asked about it last time and they said they didn't want to do one... I don't know enough about it to argue with them about the benifits of having one. 

I'm going to speak to my clinic as I have 1 funded left so I want to do a non medicated cycle and see if that makes any difference but it won't be untill sept time now. 

We are considering serum for next year so I may fill the form in and just have a chat with penny. 

Jess xx


----------



## bethholm

Jess- all the ladies who know me will know what I'm going to say next- you've been through too much now both emotionally and physically.Get yourself to Penny,get your immunes done over there with Dr Economou and have a hysteroscopy.Those were the missing pieces in my jigsaw.The only reason we went on to DD was that I'd wasted 4 years on different clinics and if I'd found Peny earlier, I would have been able to use my own eggs.Life is too short and Peny gets results.I said the same to LTW (and many other girls) & she's now around 22 weeks pregnant. Please let me know if you need any help or information my lovely. 

B xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Jess    so sorry hun xx


----------



## rory2011

Jess so sorry Hun. Take time out to decide what to do next. We are off to serum for hysto and immune testing in march. Not sure if we will have another cycle locally...depends on immune results as they said they would offer intralipids if an issue was found but if no probs, then suggested surrogacy. If nothing is found then I am thinking that may try to figure out if we can do a cycle at serum instead..

Be kind to yourself and dh
Xx


----------



## Rach76

So sorry to hear your news jess. Thinking of you loads at this horrid time. X x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Jess    no words for what you are feeling.
We are here for you, and know that pain.
Lil' one


----------



## squirrel2010

Hey girls,

Jess - I am so very sorry. Numb is fine for now, however you are feeling, is your way of dealing with this. I am sending so much support, and we all know how you feel. You are not alone and we are here. It is all about you and dh for now, batten down the hatches and take things slowly. One step at a time to get through the grief.  xx

Everyone -  , will do personals soon. Xx


----------



## bethholm

Jess- hope you are getting lots of TLC this weekend and hugs off DH.

We are all here for you.xxx


----------



## Jess81

Hi girls, thank you so much for your kind words. I'm doing ok going back to work tomorrow so hoping that will provide some distraction. 

Dh has been amazing bless him he's still in a lot of pain from his op so it's not been a normal end to a cycle. 

I've decided to push for a non-medicated cycle which I will do in the summer this will be our last NHS funded. 

Also has anyone heard that ur not supposed to eat icecream after et?? I ate loads after and I'm now worried this may have had an impact as I've never heard of this don't before!! 

How is everyone else? 
Lil one how u doing hun?
Xx


----------



## coweyes

No i have not heard of that.  Tbh there is so much information out there about what you should or should not eat, please dont worry about it. x


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Can't talk much as just on my way out. Just a quick question..... Does anyone know how long LIT treatment lasts in your body? Will do personals when I get back. Rach x


----------



## Supercalifragilistic

Hi there, I'm wondering if I can ask some questions even though I've only got one failed cycle behind us (but many tricky issues and mc before then).

We can only probably afford one more round, third at a push if I get enough freelance work this year. We were given 15% chance of success, so know it's a long shot but have to try everything.

I've been wondering about a couple of things: 1) Would I be able to get the Menopur from somewhere significantly cheaper? If anyone here could advice on that I would be really grateful. 

2) I've been told my fallopian tubes are scarred almost completely shut. (Hence the IVF, never mind that I'm turning 41 in April so my eggs aren't that great any more). But if we run out of money for IVF, then I wonder if I should go back on Clomid on the NHS and ask for my tubes to be flushed open temporarily (I've been told that is a procedure that can be done). Bit of a long shot maybe? 

Thank you in advance and lots of   for anyone currently coping with bad news as we are. It's so tough, I'm floored with the strenght of people going through this time and time again.


----------



## bethholm

Rach- Re - how long does LIT last? Dr Tsagaris says it usually lasts 6 to 9 months, which should be long enough to have 1 or 2 IVF cycles and to establish the pregnancy to the point at which LIT is no longer needed.    However, many ladies decide to have their LAD retested if they get a positive pregnancy test so they can decide whether to have a ‘booster’ shot of LIT in early pregnancy.  For ladies with a normal response (basically ladies who don't need LIT), LAD levels may stay raised for years.

Supercalfragilistic- menopur was pretty cheap at Asda although check out the prices at Rigcharm pharmacy, fertility2u,healthcare at home etc. Re Fallopian tubes- I needed IVF because my tubes were blocked and given only 10% chance of success aged 39 and then when I was 43 I was told that I faced a miscarriage rate of 70% with my own eggs.Coupled with the fact that I was a poor responder and also had had 2 MCs by then, this prompted me to move on to DE. You've only had 1 go on IVF and often it takes up to 3 goes anyway so try and stay positive- women who have a baby after 1 IVF are in the minority and sadly tend to be much younger. Serum are a lot cheaper re IVF (4000€ for 2 cycles I think)if money is an issue and deal with older women.Maybe worth a try as I feel that unblocking tubes and clomid would be a very long shot especially with the age factor.I do apologize for mentioning the age thing as I used to get and still do,upset and frustrated about it always factoring in,but sadly it does make a difference.Let me know please if I can do anything else.

Thinking of all you ladies on here- will read back and do more personals soon.

Love to all as ever.

B xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Jess,   , I was so sorry to see your news. Icecream hits 37 C - body temp as soon as it gets into your stomach anyway, so don't think it would have been a problem.
Welcome supercal 
Lots of love to everyone else too   
Feeling fat n frumpy, ever since sat nite at BFFs party, cos a younger skinnier person sat at next table - wearing a very similar dress to mine


----------



## Supercalifragilistic

Thank you, Betholm - that all sounds completely sensible and level-headed. I agree that age-related egg quality is the worst of my issues... I guess I was thinking about the unblocking tubes/Clomid route mostly so I wouldn't feel suicidal when we run out of money for IVF.

One thing I don't understand about going abroad for treatment. Surely the travel costs and hotel stay have to add up so that in the end you pay similar amount to what you would have in the UK? (And the cycle takes so many hospital visits and scans every other day at one point, so do you just stay there for a month or go back and forth? And what happens to you at work, surely you can't suddenly take a month off work?).


----------



## bethholm

Supercali- flights are pretty cheap out to Athens and we self cater so it works out like home from home re cost. There are lots of self catering flats there to rent. If you do DE you only need to be there for 2-3 days and around a week to ten days for OE.You can also have a baseline scan done in the UK as well to save money. You don't need to take a month off work as you are there 10 days max if OE and you are scanned most of those days too. It still works out cheaper than cycling in the UK especially with Serum's off of 2 cycles for I think 4000€. Let me know if you have any more questions.

Love to all.

B xxx


----------



## Supercalifragilistic

Hi, thank you for all the information! Maybe we should consider that option; just seemed like by the time you had paid for everything it would probably only save a couple of hundred pounds. Thanks


----------



## Rach76

Thanks Beth. Hope you and little baba is doing fine x x x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hello ladies! 
Just stopping to read the news... Nothing wise to say , had appointment with Dr.B, need to run the tests... What a nightmare that is- trying to find a lab, shipping with Fedex, forms , hazardous substances ( dry ice!)  blah blah blah ... Finding dry ice... And I'm pushed for time as i need to start jabbing in March... 
Love to all
X


----------



## waikiki

Brumbar I feel your pain - I finally managed to get all of my bloods ready and shipped to Dr B just in time for hurricane Sandy to hit the east coast!!  Luckily my bloods all made it to the US in time, because if I'd had to re-do them I think I'd have crumpled in a heap and cried!  Hope that Dr B has some ideas on new things to try for you.

 waikiki


----------



## butterfly_469

Hi ladies, 

I hope you don't mind me posting here, I wasn't sure were to post  
This was my first cycle so I'm new to this from an IVF point of view but not new to seeing BFN's! Myself and my partner are both young and have unexplained infertility. I had the depo birth control injection when I was 15 and it took a very long time to get back to so called regular cycle. 
Basically I am now just wondering, as I think this cycle has failed for me. What are the chances of my cycle returning to normal and me conceiving naturally?


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Hoping everyone is well. Well had a scan today and lining is not doing what it is meant to be doing so am hoping on a flight to Athens Thursday to see if penny can work some of her magic. ET should be Monday or Tuesday so am gonna make a bit of a holiday out of the situation. Could do with a break as well as being in a warmer country! Feeling a bit down about everything. Why doesn't anything ever seem to go smoothly! I'm on so much oestrogen my head is fuzzy all the time and brain shot away. Some days it's quite a nice feeling but not today when I am trying to organise everything for the trip. Arrrrrrh Rach x


----------



## rory2011

Hi rach, hope penny can work her magic and gets things going I the right direction! 

Hi butterfly, hope your cycle starts to be regular, you never know some ladies do manage to get natural bfp after having ivf...so who knows.
Brum bar good luck with getting bloods sorted! 

Hello to everyone else, hope you are all doing ok


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Rach! Keeping everything x-ed! 

Waikiki, did you use TDL? Did you contact them in advance? I spoke with the Path lab and they were ok to do it, but i understand TDL can arrange for the Fed-ex pick up so it sound like a better deal 
Xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello everyone,
Rach hope you arrived safely and that penny can get your lining up to speed.
Brumbar, hoping you found a way to courier your bloods at the right temps etc - and that the results help.
Hello butterfly.
Jess and HBK, thinking of you, hope the pain is easing.
Beth, Squirrel, Waikiki, Rory, Supercal, Lil One, Coweyes, Michimoo, LTW, Rosa...  
AFM - email from clinic to stop drugs and wait for AF to show up, so looks like it may be 'game on'. Absolutely have to be in Brum on mar 5th, so AF needs to appear pronto or stay away for a week or so, but we all know just how co-operative    can be x


----------



## rory2011

Hey ladies, sl4e ...exciting...hope af behaves...

Afm, well af has turned up today...not due till tues but had a feeling it would misbehave. I was hoping that as this is the first time since ab's in nov that we have tried properly(dh was ill in new year and just before xmas we were supposed to go to Athens so no trying as was going to have  aquascan after ovulation but the fog stopped all of that) that it may give us good news but hey ho...no such luck. We are off to Athens on 6th march for hysto. I knew when we booked it that it was likely to be around ovulation but penny said it would be fine to do later as long as we use protection so they we are deffo not pregnant. Just hope I don't have a very short cycle this time round or else hysto may have to be cancelled! 
So feeling a bit down today...also having a dilemma still about immunes. We have an appt booked the day after hysto. Dr e said it would be fine to have immune tests after hysto but in my head that makes no sense as surely it would cause an immune reaction and therefore that would show in my bloods......arghh ...I hate this IF. 

Hope everyone else is feeling better than me! I am sure I will snap out of it soon


----------



## Rach76

Hi all.

Rory - how frustrating -why do our bodies never do what they are meant too!! Could you not change the immune testing to the day before? Or does that mess everything else up? I know it would be a pain rearranging things but at least you would feel happy with the testing.  So much stress. Some times I wonder how we all manage to do all this ivf at the same time as the normally everyday necessities. Really hoping you feel better soon. 

Sl4e- glad things are moving well for you. Bet you will be glad to get off those drugs even just for a little bit whilst af happens. Wishing you a very successful journey.

Afm - I am having a complete nightmare. Arrived in Athens safe and sound but lining has remained the same thickness since I had a scan in uk on Tuesday. Has not grown in four days dispute being on 16m of oestrogen. Just can't understand it . I have done a FET cycle three times before and never has my lining stopped growing.  I have had acupuncture, Chinese herbs and Viagra and yet it is still crap. Penny has just started me on oestrogen patches now and I have to have a scan again in the morning. Really not sure what the plan is. I know I don't have adhesions or anything as penny did an aqua scan today( once she managed to break through my cervix as it had stuck together-something else that has never happened before) now that was painful. So this cycle may well and truly be over before it has begun. May even up having a hysteroscopy and coming home! Instead of ET- who knows. Nothing is ever straight forward is it. Thanks for listening to my rant and any suggestions to get lining to improve would be gratefully appreciated. 

The best thing about this trip so far was watching a Greek lady on the Aegean flight over smuggle two free small mini bottles of red wine in her hand luggage, along with pack of biscuits and a hand full of sweats. Did make me chuckle! 

A big hello to All the other lovely ladies out there .

Rach x x


----------



## Rosie Posie

Can I join you ladies.
Just had my fourth failure today and I'm feeling crap.
It was my first egg donor cycle and our last chance with my husbands sperm.
I find it's all the expense and nothing to show for it that's the hardest thing to cope with and having to figure out how to afford our next go.
We need double donation and now need to decide wether to use a back up donor or embryo donation.


----------



## rory2011

Rosie so sorry that you are here xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Oh Rosie! So sorry to see you here! 

Rach, if you are willing to rock the boat, ask Penny about GcS-F washes... She doesnt like them, but you could ask 

Rory, SL4E, the brown progestin tablets in cyclacur can delay your AF - ask Penny
Rory, Also, see agate's response to our conversation on the Serum immunes thread, it makes sense ( as always) but there's always a risk ... Could you not get blood drawn at Penny in the am before the hysto and the girls can then take them to dr.E and you can go and see him after the hysto? 
X

AFM
Lap over! I'm at home . Endo removed but it wasn't much apparently. Ready to start again


----------



## lil&#039; one

Rosie - i am so sorry you join us, but i hope you find us a support   
Rach -    the patches do the trick, it must be so frustrating to have gone all that way, but    that Penny can work her magic?
Rory - at least you have your date booked, although you have the dilema - i am not very clued up re immunes, i    Penny will guide you?
Hope you're all ok?
I'm fine, just horrible few days....you ladies know how it is   
Lil' one


----------



## Jess81

Hi girls, 
Hope ur all ok.
Rosie sorry to see you here hun but this thread is wonderful and all the ladies know exactly what your going through. 
Lilone not long to go now! How u feeling? 
Afm I saw a healer the other day, she told me like everyone else it will happen its just a timing issue! She said my head is ready but my body isn't and it's throwing my energys off balance.... She said there was a blockage in my womb and something else in there sort of needed flipping over :0S so we will see if it works or not! She said around 6 months i should be ready so before we go again I'm going to see her to see if she thinks I'm ready!!! 
Poor DH now has a post op infection!! Nothing seems to run smoothly does it but they found no blockages so that's a positive thing.... They did however discover his bladder muscle doesn't close properly when he does the business so most of his little fellas go up into his bladder which would explain his low numbers! They can't do anything about this but apparently sudafed can help!!! 

Right I typed in the quick response box.... Not such a quick response eh! 

Jess xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Lol i aways use the quick response box! Lol

Hope your OH recovers quickly from the infection... Hmmm sudafed?


----------



## rory2011

Thanks ladies, I have emailed serum and dr e to see if I can swap the days around...hope it won't be a problem. I think I would feel better if we can as I just can't get my head around the fact that hysto would cause inflammatory response...and surely that would affect the immune tests. Hope it gets sorted next week...and then I can relax about the trip...although I think I need to take out some insurance for op...has anyone got any recommendations? I will go look on. Serum thread as I am sure I read something about it on there! 

Hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Jess, hope the healer is right and that in then next  6 months you'll have some good news!

Brumbar glad lap is over.....hope this means systems all go for you!

Lil one....hope you're doing ok. Xx

Hope you have a lovely weekend...I'm am off to gym as feel the need to get fitter and loose a bit of my stomach before our next cycle...whenever that may be!


----------



## Rach76

Rory- I use Ivf travel shield for my insurance. Used this for hysteroscopy here as well as ivf cycles. It costs about £50 quid and you can put your partner on it as well. Not sure if there are any other companies out there as I can't remember but I know this one was the cheapest as well as having a good cover. 

Afm-started using oestrogen patches last nite as well as tablets and I am completely off my head! Lol I think I quite like this feeling. Also had another scan today and lining has improved with patches in just one night! Gotta go back again for another scan on Monday and am hoping for even more improvement. Penny told me she has been really worried about my lining thickness all night. I told her I was a complicated case and she agreed. Told her many have tried before and failed and so thats why I went to her as she is the best. And when she saw that my lining had improved , I told her her magic had worked. Bless her she did laugh. Never had a consultant that actually cared. 

Hoping everyone is well.

Rach x


----------



## Rach76

Just a quick question- now I'm on so much oestrogen I am worried my E2 levels will be too high. As this is the reason penny gave me for my fresh cycle not working. What is considered too high? My level is 2000 at the moment. 

Rach x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Braverman would freeze at 4000 at trigger so that's 5-7 days pre transfer...
Are you in Athens Rach? 
X


----------



## Rach76

Thanks brumberfly. That's what I thought. So if I get bloods checked Monday and they are under 4000 should that be ok if transfer is we'd or thurs? Yes I am in Athens . 

Bumbler fly -hope u r heeling well x 

Rach x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

I think so hun.... Check with Penny too, buf i think so! 
I'm ok , on the sofa ... Not doing much ...


----------



## Rach76

Brumbarfly - glad u r taking it easy. Make sure DH looks after u well.  Hope u have ur dog for company. I miss not having my cats with me am all alone in Athens. They r driving DP nuts which I like to hear. Got him up at 8.00 on a sat morning. He was not impressed. That's my babies x x lol

Rach x


----------



## rory2011

Rach, sounds like Penny is working her magic...hope it continues
Thanks for the travel shield info, will look into it.


----------



## Rosie Posie

I'm sorry for this really down post but I know you ladies will understand. I just need to tell someone how I'm feeling.
I feel so terrible, it's been 48 hrs and I'm spending most of my time crying, I don't know how I'm going to cope with work tomorrow but I can't take any more time off work, I'm a Nanny and if I don't work neither can my boss. I'm able to sleep but only thanks to Nytol and I can't take that forever.
I've both oral and vaginal thrush from the antibiotics, I'm taking stuff but until it starts working the itch is so uncomfortable, it's like I've been kicked in the teeth to go through all that and only have thrush to show for it.
My period is about to start as i'm having nasty cramps, I just feel so physically and mentally horrible.
Why did I put myself through this all again, all that for nothing, I'v just spend thousands again to be miserable, perhaps I should stop this now and just except that I'm never going to be a mother but without that there is nothing.
I feel so abandoned as well, a few friends know and they did send condolence texts just after my bfn but since then nothing, not even a text asking how I am. It's the same with my infertility ******** group, I had many I'm sorry posts just after my bfn but nothing since Friday evening. 
I feel so guilty that my donor and back up donor (penny used both) went through all that for nothing too. 
It was our last chance with my husbands sperm as well which is so hard too.
I just wish all this pain would go away, I hate feeling like this.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Rosie Posie -    this is such a horrible journey sometimes   
Us ladies here have had our share of heartache, so can sympathise.
In my experience it's not unusual for people to dissappear soon after bad news, that can be a tough lesson, too.
I hope you can talk with DH?
I do hope your physical issues get resolved soon.  Do you have a nice GP? Just wondering if there's something to sooth you?  That can be so uncomfortable.
Try not to feel guilty about the donors, it's always a risk which people understand, they will probably feel bad for you rather than themselves.
Give yourself time to grieve, it's not been long.
We are always here for you and do understand, to some extent, how you are feeling.
Lil' one


----------



## rory2011

Rosie   IF is  such a horrid thing. Take time out before deciding what to do next. See what dh thinks too.  Just be kind to your self over the next few weeks...they are always the hardest( for me anyway).

Lil one?.not long now  this is the cycle for you xx


----------



## deblovescats

rosie - i so feel for you - we're all here for you, we can understand what you're going through.
it's awful that we keep having to spend money on the hopes of a positive outcome and when you get a BFN you think it's all been for nothing. I keep wondering how i'm going to afford to keep finding the money for treatment, especially as i'm single so it's just me.
I think you have to take time to grieve for what should have been and to plan your next moves. Be kind to yourself.
Deb


----------



## Supercalifragilistic

I don't think a negative result is all for nothing.

Because why would any of us be doing this unless we wanted to exhaust every possible option?

If we end up childless, then the money we spent on IVF was money spent on safeguarding our sanity. Imagine NOT doing the IVF and spending the rest of your life agonising over whether it would have worked. So the money is basically spent on mental health, as perverse as that may sound.


----------



## Rach76

Big hugs to you Rosie. Like the others said really take the time out to heel. And when you are ready think about you next plan of action.  I aways love a plan and this is my way of getting my head straight and moving onto the next stage. Already have some sort of plan for if this cycle does not work. It may help for you. 

If not maybe focus on some time out or a break until you are ready to decide what to do next. Be kind to your self and take one day at a time. We are all here for you if you need to talk. 

Rach x


----------



## Beans25

Hi Ladies

Hope you don't mind me crashing.  I'm new to this site but not the journey, though I haven't shown nearly as much bravery in adversity as you guys.  Have just been on another thread and someone suggested that I check this thread out... so here I am!

Rosie Posie - I am so sorry, just read your story!  Big hugs from me too - hope that's ok since I have just jumped in!  Looks like we had the same test day, I got a text from one of my friends to say she had just given birth to a baby girl as I put the phone down to the clinic - I was already aware it was BFN but still - delighted!  Back to work tomorrow after 2 weeks off - that's also going to be fun!  Look after yourself!!

Beans.x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Gosh, It's been a busy weekend on here.
  to those of you returning to work after a BFN. 
Welcome beans, sorry you're here, but everyone is lovely.
hello Rosie, I can identify with so much of what you're saying. Feeling physically poorly makes the emotional side harder.  I'm battling thrush too, after 2 courses of ABs.
Brumbar, hope the post-op soreness has all gone away
Rach, have everything crossed for you today x
Supercal, I like your 'take' on the money spent to protect our sanity.
AFM, put on an Oscar winning performance at the baby shower yesterday, my grin was stiffer than botox. AF has turned up, so awaiting instructions from clinic.
Hello to all the gang xxx


----------



## Rosie Posie

Thank you so much, your kind words really helped, I had a wobbly moment at work this morning but I've been busy so its going to be ok. The thrush has cleared up but I've had the worse period ever with horrid cramps.
I've just had an email from Penny at serum and she wants me to start again straight away, I have problems with my cervix and she says it's best to do a transfer ASAP because of it.
It's a lot to decide in a short space of time, I've some talking to do with my DH tonight.


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. 

Rosie- Nice to here you are feeling just slightly better.  Look after your self. Glad the thrush has cleared up. X

Hi sl4e- well done for the performance at the baby shower. I don't think I would have been able to handle that. X 

Hi beans and all the other lovely ladies out there. X 

Afm- well I have finally had an emotional breakdown. Went back for another scan today with penny and lining was the same as Saturday despite being on 25gs of oestrogen. So penny did an aqua scan to check the uterus again and this time she found adhesions. So cycle is cancelled and I'm booked in for a hysteroscopy for tomorrow. Penny is then gonna work out a plan for my next cycle as I think she wants to do it straight away as it only took 3 months for adhesions to grow back.  This trip has turned into one big nightmare. So have been running around all day having pre op tests at hospital and raiding ATM machines to get the money together for the op tomorrow. Did managed to have a few hours shopping which was nice and bought myself some new clothes- thought sod it just paid for an op a few more quid on clothes isn't gonna make much of a difference. Am completely worn out. I know it's all for the best as there isn't much point putting embryos into a messed up womb but it is really hard going emotionally. And hey been trying for 6 and a half years now so an extra month is not gonna make much difference but I am still gutted that there is yet again another problem. Don't think I will ever be a mum. X 

Rach x


----------



## rory2011

Oh Rach    you will be a mum...and a great one at that. 
Hope the hysto goes well tomorrow and fx that this is your cycle...where it happens xx

Rosie, I ifind that af after ivf is always horrid, so much heavier and painful on top of the emotions that are running riot as well...the. Usually to top it all off I get a cold and  loads of cold sores on my face...just to make me feel even better! Hope you manage to make a decision that is right for you and dh.

Sl4e...hope the next baby shower you go to is yours! Well done on your performance though  

Afm no news, silly af turned up early so will deffo be after ov when we have  hysto which penny said is fine as long as we know we can't be pregnant.  Now panicking that af will turn up early again..but have realised I have some cyclogest left so could use that as that always keeps af away.  Just think in 3 weeks time will have had hysto and immune tests...can't wait


----------



## Rosie Posie

Rach- I'm so sorry to hear that and I hope your hysto goes well. Its scarey how quickly adhesions can form.

Brumbar- hope you are recovering well and resting, it took me about 10 days to recover from mine.

Jess- your poor DH, hope he feels better soon. It's interesting about the sudafed, how funny that a decongestant can affect the bladder.

Supercalifragilistic- you are so right about the money, I've never thought of it that way before.

Beans- hope your first day at work was ok. I had a shaky start to mine, but I was ok as the day went on.


AFM - what a difference a day makes.
After discussing with my DH we have decided to go with Penny's advice and will be starting again ASAP.
So I've gone from being in tears most of yesterday to feeling hopeful and excited if not a little scared.


----------



## Beans25

Work was actually fine - well you get punished for being off for 2 weeks but it kept me busy!!! The girl in my department who is pregnant went off on maternity leave while I was off so at least I don't have to see the bump all day everyday.  Lovely girl, but totally unplanned and super easy pregnancy which always tugs at the heart strings!


----------



## Supercalifragilistic

A close friend of mine has had her third and successful round of IVF and she didn't tell me she had been successful - until we met a couple of weeks ago and she turned up with a visible bump. I just burst into tears, part out of happiness and relief for her (she was a much more unlikely case on paper than I am) but part out of shock and sensitivity to my own situation. I felt so embarrased but it was just such an immediate and involuntary action. I think we're all prone to be more emotional around pregnant women, full stop, but it does make things tough.


----------



## rory2011

Lil one good luck today fx that you get good news xx


----------



## Jess81

Lil one, fx u get good news today hun xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach, all the best for today 
Lil One   
Jess, I know Benylin is supposed to loosen cervical mucous in women TTC, but the bladder bit with Sudafed is new to me too. Every little helps, and at least it's relatively cheap in the scheme of IVF stuff.
Rosie, glad you're able to carry straight on.
Got to dash off to work, but back later to check the latest x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Very quickly ... Checking on Rach.... Hope you are well hun... 

Lil' one, how are you?  
Rosie  you are a brave lady!!! 
Supercal and Beans, hugs ladies ...  
Rory,  the progestins are always good to have around!
AFM, shipped blood to US yesterday ( used the TDL lab to draw blood) , arranged for some tests to be done by the GP  to save some dosh so i now need to go and do them at some point  and I also need to presuade the pathlab to do one extra test for me that is not available on the nhs

Does anyone know where i can run a fasting insulin test?


----------



## lil&#039; one

sorry, me post
another BFN, how do you carry on?


----------



## longtimewaiting

Huge hugs to you lil' one    

I'm so very sorry, horrible sad sad day for you. Thinking of you loads x x x x


----------



## Rosie Posie

Lil 1- I'm so sorry to hear that, take care of yourself.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Oh hun... So so sorry.... just look after yourself now...


----------



## bethholm

Lil'one- I'm so very very sorry.Massive hugs my lovely.xxxxxxxx


----------



## tams1981

Hello ladies, can I join your club. 

I'm feeling at a bit of a loss today after my bfn result on Saturday. My first day in my own company and its not good company.

I'm sorry for all the ladies that need to be on this thread it's not nice getting kicked in the face time and time again  

Hugs to you all xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Thanks, ladies
I think i am still in shock, but am working on next cycle...........
We will have our FU, but don't see what our current clinic (create) can offer? Their flagship is safe etc ie no OHSS, no down regging, which is great but frankly would risk my left arms for a baby   
Wondering about ARGC or Serum - i know lots of you ladies have gone with Serum - can you tell me why there as opposed to other clinics? I am still keen to use my own eggs, we have had 2 natural BFPs with them including one a few months ago - with one tube, PCOS and MF i think the little eggies must still be ok?
Thoughts would be appreciated.
Tams - sorry you find yourself here   
Brumbar - not sure about the test, do you have a nice GP? sorry   
Beans - glad work was ok   
Rory - is it ok to use cyclogest to delay AF? perhaps we should while ttc naturally as i have a short (10 days) luteal phase?   
Rach - you poor thing , you have been through so much, not surprised you had a "meltdown" - we've all been there, i am probably on my way now   
CUTO ++ - Lil' one


----------



## Rosie Posie

Lil one. 

My one regret with all this is that I didn't find Serum and Penny sooner.
Have a read of the serum threads and contact Penny, you won't regret it.


----------



## Jess81

Lilone i'm so sorry hun, i was really really hoping this time was ur turn! Big Hugs xx

We are considering Serum if our last FET doesn't work. 

Jess


----------



## Rach76

Hi to all.

So so sorry lil-one am thinking of you and sending loads of big fat hugs x x  I'm with Rosie- wish i had found penny from day one and then maybe I would not have had to go through this nine times.  She is just amazing. She has bent over backwards for me. She really does care and really does want you to succeed. Your not just a number as you are in other clinics. I can't recommend her enough. Maybe take a short break holiday over to athens( if u can) and go and see her for a free consultation. Once u have met her you will see what we are all raving on about. X 

Hi tam sorry for you bfn. Really hoping you can sort out a plan for the future.

Brumbar fly -hope you are heeling well. Thanks for checking in on me. You too sl4e x x

Afm -hysto all done and complete. Adhesions removed again. Lining does not look great at all. Also got a massive infection still even though I have been on anti's since October, but penny has a plan so I am going with that. On loads of meds until af arrives and then doing FET again as penny wants me to do it ASAP so no more adhesions grow back. In a bit of pain. It hurt this time but hay ho you have gotta do what you gotta do as they say.x 

Love to all

Rach x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Glad you're all sorted now Rach! So  what is the plan now with the infection? 
Are you going for it next cycle? X
What was your latest E2 Btw? 

Lil'one... My first 3 cycles were at create and i nearly spoiled Geeta's no OHSS history- i triggered with 10000 E2... Nothing would've caught with that!!! Then Geeta  canceled my next cycle for  slow stimulation saying i only had 8 follicles on 150 gonal and low E2! Dr.Google said it was fine, but she still canceled my cycle. She was really nice with me and i even convinced her to give me clexane and pred, but i felt i needed to move. My next 2 cycles were NHS so it kind of pushed me out of there ... 
My vote goes to serum ... Penny is also a fan of mild stims but she is also more open to immune treatments... 

Xxx

Tam ...  

Aaah test test test for me... I just wish i knew what was wrong with me! 
X


----------



## lil&#039; one

Ah Brumbar, my E2 was almost 10,000 this time, too.
I feel like it may have been like that for lots of the BFNs   
Serum may be the place, then.....DH is a little nervous, but i will persuade him
Thanks for replying
Lil' one


----------



## bethholm

Lil'one- please please please let me know if you need any help or advice re Serum.

Much love

B xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Thanks, Beth
I think it will be Serum, but looking at lots of threads, i see people get their BFP with her, but often with DE....i want to try a bit longer with mine, especially as we had 2 natural BFPs (although they didn't last) with my PCO and 1 tube and DH's MF, they must be ok?
You ladies are the greatest


----------



## bethholm

Lil'one - when we first met Peny,we said we wanted 2 more goes with my own eggs and sperm etc and she was ok with that despite me being 42 at the time. I was told by another consultant at my baseline scan in the UK for Serum,that at 43, my miscarriage rate with my own eggs was 70% and together with 2 MCs at the time, this pushed me into going down the DE route.What I will say, that I've said to so many ladies, if you don't know if you are ready for DE, then you are not ready.You have to be totally fine with it in your own head and have come to terms (and grieve a little) to not using your own eggs.I knew when it was time to move on as I couldn't face cycling using my own eggs, being such a poor responder plus my high MC rate due to my age. I too wish we could have met Peny earlier, but there again, if I'd used my own eggs, I wouldn't have my precious William now. Many MCs are often down to chromosome abnormalities which increase with age, so there is a chance that yours could have been down to this (although not necessarily as one of mine wasn't either) but if you feel you want some more goes with your own eggs, then that's what you must do.I just couldn't take any more MCs (although ironically,I did MC 2 of the triplets when I was pregnant with William) and was sick and tired or waiting to be a mummy after 4 years.

B xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Thanks, B, William sounds like a very precious little boy, i    we can have our own William one day


----------



## bethholm

All babies are precious but those we get through struggling with infertility are even more so. I pray that all the ladies on here get there eventually. Keep the faith ladies, although I of all people know how difficult at times that can be.

B xxxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Darling ladies.
I wanted to send a massive hug to you all, and yell CUTO (chin up, tits out) from the depths of my lungs to all those who need a motivational yell from a slightly crazy squirrel. A motivational yell for just simply surviving the day and getting to the end of it without having a melt down. For anyone and everyone in this god awful ivf journey who are at the end of their tether. 
Am in South Africa, on holiday so am using wine and sunshine to wash away my despair but I have been thinking about you all. Forgive me for ducking out for a wee while, just needed the break. 

I will try and do personals but cant face looking back ten pages, so hope you forgive me if i miss you!  

Lil'one - stay brave and take each day at a time. I am so very sorry for your result, and it aint fair. You will make a great mum one day, and it sounds like you are making plans and looking into things. Huge hugs and pat yourself on the back for being super strong and brave throughout all this. Xx

Beth -   hope all well and thank you for being a beacon of hope xx

Brumbarfly - hey buddy, keep going with the tests, think I am going tomplay that game once I am back! Hope you are not weak from draining all that blood for tests  . Hows things? Xx

Rach - what a horrible thing for you to go through, it sounds like you are so brave. You are right, we gotta do what we gotta do. Hugs for you and hope you feel better quickly xx

Tams - you are in good company, and we are here to help. Take it slow and lean on people, it makes such a difference! Hugs xx

Rory, LTW, jess, seemslike4eva - hello   xx

Supercal, Rosie and Beans - hi, i'm squirrel   and sorry to meet you on this thread. None of us should be here! Onwards xx

Anyone I have missed,   and hello xx

So, I am in a wine fuelled sense of denial, and once we are back - onwards with immunes and blah blah blah. Bah, day at time for now. I have been trying to write down three things each evening which are good about my day. You will all be on my list, for being there and being supportive to each other and me. Miss you and dont forget me! I will be home soon and am honestly thinking of you all xxxxxx


----------



## Sarapd

Hi
Hope you don't mind me gatecrashing this forum. I've just had my first BFN and my consultant has said she thinks I have low progesterone.  I saw in your signature Squirrel that you have progesterone absorption problems and I wondered what your consultant was doing about this.  I am very envious of you being in South Africa but it sounds like you deserve it.
Thanks.
Sara.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One so sorry to see your news.
Rach, glad you've come safely through the hysto.
Brumbar, I think in the recesses of my memory that HIV patients had a special insulin test done, with blood transported on ice - not sure if its what you need, but could be a route of enquiry. Your local Sexual health Clinic would have contact details for HIV specialist nurse. Or contact diabetes specialist nurse at local general hospital..
Welcome Sara and Tams, sorry that you've joined our club.
Squirrel, relaxing in South Africa, sounds like just what the doctor ordered!
Jess, Beth, LTW, Rory, Rosie, Beans


----------



## rory2011

Lil on   I was really hoping that I would be fading about your good news when I got home from work   

We are going to serum for immunes and hysto in 2 weeks time....I have even spoken to dh about cycling there after all the comments from the ladies on here and the Greece thread. Still undecided at mo but will see what penny says and what if anything is wrong with me! 

Rach, I emailed ivf travel shield as couldn't see anything about hysto and the email I got back says they don't cover it. Will have a google to see if I can find anywhere or is it under a different policy?!! 

Lil one...I think yup asked about cyclogest...I find that if I am taking 2 a day it holds off af but didn't with 1 but that was during ivf treatment...not used it for natural cycle though. I always thought of you had a short luteal phase it could help...but I am  sure some other ladies can offer better advice. 

Hello to everyone else....too tired for personals and there was so much to read!!


----------



## wla

Hi Ladies 


Thought I'd come over & join you all after another BFN for me too    


Brumbar & Rosie Posie fancy seeing you both over here   


Spoke to Penny tonight & looks like one of the little embies tried to implant so she said that's a positive of the Neupogen doing its job but it just obviously wasn't meant to be for whatever reason! So waiting for AF then will hopefully work out dates to go back & do what we all do best in trying again!


Big    to everyone, we sure do need them at the moment!


WLA Xx


----------



## bethholm

WLA- lovely to hear from you but so very sorry that you've had another BFN. On a positive note,an embryo did try and implant which is a major step forward plus we both know what excellent hands you are in.

Welcome to the other new ladies on here- it's the most supportive thread on FF as so many of us sadly have multiple BFNs. 

Love to all

B xxx


----------



## Rosa1939

Morning lovely ones,

Lil One, so so sorry to see your news, I had hopped on here today hoping to see a different outcome. But good to see that you have a plan forming, look after yourself. Big hugs xx

Sorry to see the new ladies here, Sara, Tams, Rosie Posie, WLA and anyone i have missed. As has been said, this place is the best! Everyone is kind and supportive and full of knowledge.xx

Rach, hope you heal well from your hysto and put your trust in penny, she will do her best to get you your BFP x

Squirrel, SA sounds amazing! Well jel, my skin is the colour of grey putty at the moment, so desperate for some sunshine! Enjoy your hols, put your problems away for a while and enjoy the vino and sun x

Sl4e, hope all is going smoothly for you x

AFM, nothing much to report at the moment, just plodding along. Thinking of going out to serum for OE treatment in march/ April, just need to find the courage to go again.

Hugs to all the team xxx


----------



## Rosie Posie

WLA- I'm so sorry to see you on here.
Lil 1- how are you doing today?

AFM- I've just heard back from Penny. She is sorting out a back up donor for me and has found what she considers a perfect match but the donor has Hazel eyes and both my DH and I have blue eyes. I don't want my child to have any obvious differences to use and to me eye colour is important.
I'm starting to get really stressed about it all now.


----------



## bethholm

Rosie- I was concerned that William may too not have blue eyes like DH and I but I wouldn't change him for the world.If people ask if you do get a BFP and the baby hasn't blue eyes,just do what I'm saying to everyone that its from DH's family.Will is also going to have darker hair and I was born with white blonde hair too so I've just said again its from DH's side. Many people have already commented that he has my nose etc so people see things they want to see...Peny has your best interests at heart and if she's found the perfect match,then it's the perfect match probably through more than just eye colour.

B xxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Lil one - serum gets my vote, I started by emailing Penny our history and questions, everything she said made sense and she always emailed back quickly. I contacted several clinics in London before Penny and never got such helpful free advice.

Hello to everyone - hugs to those who need them xxxx


----------



## Rosie Posie

bethholm said:


> Rosie- I was concerned that William may too not have blue eyes like DH and I but I wouldn't change him for the world.If people ask if you do get a BFP and the baby hasn't blue eyes,just do what I'm saying to everyone that its from DH's family.Will is also going to have darker hair and I was born with white blonde hair too so I've just said again its from DH's side. Many people have already commented that he has my nose etc so people see things they want to see...Peny has your best interests at heart and if she's found the perfect match,then it's the perfect match probably through more than just eye colour.
> 
> B xxx


Thanks Bethholm
We have decided to hold out for a blue eyed egg donor.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Rosie - glad you have made a decision, it is definately worth waiting for the one you feel is right  

Rosa - march isn't far away  

Rach - you poor sausage,   this next fet works for you

Squirrel - have a great trip

Wla -   how are you feeling today?  Good news that the embie started to implant

Afm feeling pretty rough today. Was very naughty and had a few drinks last night, sooo not used to it so feeling ill and guilty  
I have emailed serum so will see what they say.  Still wondering about argc too as greece is a bit scary, to have trt abroad I mean.
Thanks for your support ladies, it truly feels like you are friends I haven't met

Lil' one


----------



## rory2011

Lil one..I know what you mean about treatment abroad....I haven't even been yet and can't help thinking I'm mad for considering it! Still not sure if we will have treatment there but will wait for immune and hysto  results before deciding and also what Penny says. Looking forward to meeting her after all the comments form the ladies on here....but worried that i'll still be dopey after my hysto so will have to give a list of qu's to dh to ask!


----------



## Rosie Posie

Lil one-  I agree totally with WLA.
There is always someone from FF over there who will help look after you.
If you look at Agates file on the greek thread there's lots of information there.


----------



## Rosa1939

Just to second what others have said about Serum. I also felt that going abroad for treatment was really quite scarey and even on the plane going out there I thought to myself this is actually nuts but penny is great and my worries faded once I met her.  Would also recommend the hysto. Had my immune tests in uk but can fully believe that doing them out there will be great.  Xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies   

Well, i have had a reply from Serum, from Katie.

They have looked through my history and seem to think that an old infection may be the cause of lots of things: recurrent imp failure, early bleeding, ectopic   
They did say this was normally chlamydia - which i got a bit sniffy about, i have never had and have been screened as part of previous tests, i guess infection is possible with all the ops i've had recently.

Anyway, it felt good to have a fresh pair of eyes, presumably they could sort out any historial infection probs?

Lil' one


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi lovelies,

Lil'one - it always sounds horrid when they talk about infection etc BUT if that is the issue, I reckon it could be fixable  , anything they find that has a solution means more hope for the future tries! Keep strong and brave, and trust them as far as you can let yourself. You are moving forwards and that is wonderful. Hope the hangover has cleared xx

Anyone worried about going abroad! Oh my goodness. i am the biggest scaredy cat and bad traveller. I was so silly to be so worried, but it is natural. I echo all the others - aftter the first trip, you will be fine. I found in Spain, the clinic and the doctors were amazing - because they know you have come to a different country, I am sure they take extra special care. I was amazed with the tx abroad. I even had to go out last minute on my own for ET and was hysterical but it all went well. My advice, take one bit at a time. Get to the airport, congratulate yourself! Get on the plane, next step box ticked! Take it step by step and do your research into travel and directions. You will be fine! Xx

New ladies - gutted for your bfn's and glad you can join us for support. Welcome to you all and   xx

Rosie Posie - glad you have made your decision, i confess to yearning for blue eyes donor too. Xx

Rosa - My previously grey putty skin is now slightly less grey but I will work on it! Sending you sunshine and the courage you know you have deep down xx

WLA - hi   and take hope from that embie trying to implant. That is amazing news and I know it doesnt take away the bfn pain but one day, the right embie will grab hold and stay xx

Rory - hi buddy, wow, two weeks is not long and you are moving forward. Huge amounts of strength and support for your trip away xx

Longtimewaiting - hi hon, sunshine for you too xx

Beth - am so pleased you are posting your wisdom and hope you and family doing well xx

SaraPD - hi there  . Blood tests should confirm if your progesterone is too low, and they often suggest changing doseage and route of administration of the progesterone suplement...i am on oral version from Spain but a lot of people use Gestone injections for good serum progesterone levels. Good luck and hope they can help you! It should be a fixable problem xx

Seemslike4eva - hi, more sunshine for you too xx

Everyone - sending wine (for those who can drink),   for you all, and more sunshine to everyone. My CUTO mantra is now getting bigger because of all the food and drink this end  ! Will keep an eye on you all, and post in a few days. Take good care love Squirrel xxxx


----------



## pinkpixie

Hi ladies when I looked at cycling at serum there was an English company who worked alongside penny and would pick you up from airport and take you to all your apps etc. I think I would have used this if I had gone to Athens.
You are all in my thoughts 
Xxx
H


----------



## wla

Pinkpixie - Sharon's (the English nurse at Serum) husband John used to do that however they have moved back to the UK now. Penny's nephew does it now but honestly the Bus, Metro or a Taxi if there's strikes is so easy (& much cheaper)! 
Xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Thanks, squirrel,
I think I am leaning towards serum, just need to convince dh.
Feels like they are really looking at why rather than just another fire in the dark.
Lil' one


----------



## Michimoo

Hi ladies,
I know I've been AWOL & some of you might be thinking Michi-who?  
Well we have made a decision & are all set to try again in a month with Argc FSH permitting.
I went back a couple of weeks ago to have my cytokines retested & they are still low after Octobers Humira. Phew!
AF started on Wed & I paid to have my FSH done privately locally on day 1 & it had gone down to 8.0 so I am praying it stays at that for next month.  

As DH works on the oil rigs a month on & a month off he has to be around for EC & working out his rotation he will be home 24/48 hours before EC if we cycle next month otherwise my AF & his rotation doesn't click back into place until August! No pressure eh?
So you can see why it's important that everything falls into place for next month.
As he's not been around at all at EC at all 3 previous IVF's it will be nice to actually have him around for it.

I've kind of weaned myself off of FF for a while as I have driven myself a bit crazy comparing myself to everyone else. Christmas, New Year & Jan were hard for me & I was becoming very negative with the whole thing.
I wouldn't say that I am ready to get back into the full flow with FF at the moment, but I do like to dip my toe in every now & then & see how you are all getting on.
I am still licking my wounds & I think it's especially hard when you go somewhere like the Argc (miracle workers) & it fails.
I'm still not fully there with my positivity & am trying to build up my confidence & inner strength before next month. This time I am going to work for the first week of Stims to keep my mind active & I will just inject in the loos when they call. Now I know what the score is. I can be in & out of London & in work by 9:30. That's not to say I won't fall asleep at my desk or bite someone's head off because I will be so tired with the 5am starts. But hey, I need the money!

So I just wanted to send my love & say "I'm still here".
I will be in & out for a while but will be reading, big hugs Ladies. xxx
M
Xxxx


----------



## MrsPootle

Good luck Michimoo - I'm rooting for you.  I think having been through it once will help - as you say, you know the score!  Fingers, toes and everything crossed xxxx


----------



## Jess81

Hey Ladies, 
Just wanted to let you know that i've too filled in my form for serum and just have to wait and see what penny comes back with. xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Michimoo - good to hear from you.
I understand about FF, i become a bit obsessive sometimes too, i find the 2ww and monthly buddies threads a bit much and they are usually full of young girls getting pregnant with triplets first go   or it seems so!
ARGC..........was swaying between them and Serum.
Do they do immunes routinely?
Lil' one


----------



## Michimoo

Yes it's standard they do immunes & they test them again whilst cycling to make sure nothing will interfere with implantation. They are very hot on it.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Thanks, Michimoo
Do you mind me asking, was your last cycle there much more expensive than previous?
Lil' one


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone.

Michimoo- so nice to hear from you. Glad you are doing ok and have a firm plan for next month. I've got my fingers crossed for you. 

Lil'one and Rory - all the best in Athens. I'm sure penny will be able to work her magic.

Beth- so nice to hear from you. 

Brumbar-fly-hope you are feeling ok Hun ?

Well I'm back home now. Trying to rest as still a little sore from the hysto as they did quite a bit of work this time. It's nice to be back home with dp and my fur babies. So the plan is to take oestrogen annd anti's for the next 16 days-penny's famous white and then brown pills. ( which dp says sounds 
like something out of the matrix) and then once af arrives to start FET all over again with more anti's to fight the infection. Am feeling a bit down about it all as it just seems to be one problem after another and it is so so hard to keep going on sometimes. 

Sending love to everyone.

Rach x


----------



## rory2011

Michimoo....good to hear from you. Hope your plan for next week will go swimmingly and you get your bfp! 
Rach, hope you are less sore now. 

Afm ordered my money for hysto today. In 2 weeks time will be back by now. Hoping that it all goes well and af stays well away. I am going to see when I ovulate...I know I'm going after then due to af turning up early but we are using protection so know won't be preggers. Just hope af doesn't turn up way too early this month....grr why doesn't it behave itself! Hope they find some thing as to why we don't seem to be able to get preggers.

Hope you are all having a lovely weekend!


----------



## bethholm

Michimoo- thinking of you and keeping everything crossed.

Rach- glad you are home and that all went well. I just wanted to say that I too felt that it was one problem after another.As soon as I'd sorted one problem, another one was discovered- but then it worked.Keep the faith Rach, you WILL get there.

Much love to all you wonderful women and also Kat, who is still in our hearts.

B xxx


----------



## Jess81

Hiya Ladies, 
so i had a response from serum..... they want to do the Hidden C test  and a few others..... is this standard practice?? is this something i can go to the GP for?? Kate also suggested i take Vit D and Seleum. She also said it might be a good idea for me to have a Hystoscopy, i've asked my clinic about this before and they said there is no need!

sorry for all the questions!
Hope you are all ok  xx


----------



## Rach76

Jess-the hidden c test is not standard however I do believe it is a Really good test to have. You can not have this test in uk. They test a sample of your menstrual blood for about ten different infections.  It is really easy to send a sample of this to Athens. Serum have detailed instructions of how to do this. I have been tested for all the standard infections in uk and they have always come back negative however when I did this test one of the infections came back positive and I know for a fact I had an infection as I had a hysteroscopy in Athens and I could see the infection on the DVD of the procedure. (My uterus was all inflammed and red). As for the hysteroscopy. Kate would have only suggested it if she thought that from your history it would be beneficial for you. I went through five ivf cycles in the uk and my consultant kept telling me I did not need a hysteroscopy and only agreed to me having one after my fifth failed attempt. When they did the operation they found loads of adhesions that had to be cut out and basically told me the last five cycles had not worked due to these being in my womb! I could not believe they had not suggested it earlier. I had wasted all that money on cycles and they were never going to work anyway! You could always go for a consultation with penny and have an aqua scan and then depending on the results of this decide on a hysteroscopy. Penny can see on the scan if there is a problem with your uterus. They can arrange a hysteroscopy really quickly in short notice. If it wasn't for penny and her aqua scan on my FET cycle this month i would have had embrio's put in and the cycle would have failed again(penny saw an abnormal uturus and got me in for hysteroscopy the next day-i had more adhesions cut out). So you could wait for the results of an aqua scan before making the decision to have a hysteroscopy or not. Hoping this is helpful and will give you a few options to think about. 

Rach x


----------



## Jess81

Thanks Rach, 
thats really helpful, we have one more funded FET so i'm going to push for the hystoscopy. I might well do the tests and send them to serumanyway... i'd rather know if i have something and it can be treated. xx


----------



## bethholm

Jess- I know so many women who have had a hysto in Athens and have gone on to get pregnant (me included). Every month, you don't menstruate out all your lining so it builds up (a bit like plaque on teeth) and over time forms a thick necrotic layer,often on the back wall of your uterus where the embro is trying to implant.Sadly, as it is a dead layer of tissue, there is no or limited blood supply and it can cause implantation failure, or sadly in my case, a miscarriage due to limited blood supply.I would strongly suggest you have the hysto as it is often the missing jigsaw piece and Athens is one of the best places in Europe to have it as they are so good at finding things that other clinics haven't picked up.

Much love

B xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hi everyone, 
Hope all is well
. Michimoo    
Had an absolute **** week, and was on the verge of quitting everything, then I had the email this morning telling me my donor EC is on friday, and I need to be at the clinic next Monday!!!!!
Just booked flights and hotel - still in shock.
Sorry it's a bit of a 'me' post xx


----------



## rory2011

Sl4e great news on ec...but sorry your having a crappy week. Hope this is the turning point!! 

Jess, I keep being told that there is nothing wrong with me....so that's why we're off to Athens next week. I did the hidden c test and had a low level of infection but I can't believe that no-one over here will refer me for a hysto...I thought that they would at least rule out any probs before letting me spend yet more money on a cycle. For my own peace of mind we are going to have a hysto in Athens and immune testing too...hopefully we'll get to do a bit of sightseeing! 
Hey Beth hope you and your little one are doing well...I hope he lets you get some sleep! 
Hello to rach, lil one, mrs p, michimoo, WLAN and anyone else I have forgotten.


----------



## Michimoo

Sl4e - whoopie that's brilliant news. Keeping everything crossed.
Rory - good luck with the hysto
Beth- ARGC did a hysto on me & said that I was fine. You're now worrying me that they might of missed something! 
Jess - I sent off for the tests at Serum. It's really easy to do.
Rach - that great that you are having a FET & don't have to go through the whole rigmarole again! 
Mrs P - hope you're ok?
Lil one - have you made any decisions yet?
Hi to all the other ladies I have missed.
There are some new names on here I think. I'm sure I haven't been away that long?   maybe I have.

Well I celebrated yesterday losing a stone since Jan with a glass of wine & a bar of chocolate!
I've been using that app my fitness pal. So I've been restricting myself to 1200 calories a day. 
I know I will put it all on again if I start to cycle next month but I wanted to lose it to put it on again rather than put another stone on top! If that makes sense?
I'm also swimming twice a week, but I'm not sure of the rules when you are starting treatment. I think swimming is on the "No,No" list.
Anyone know?

Big hugs 
m
Xxx


----------



## bethholm

Swimming is a definite no no! ARGC are pretty thorough but I know that Athens picks up many things that the UK doesn't and if it were me and I'd had multiple BFNs (hence this thread),I'd want at this stage to cover all bases... Just my opinion though my lovely.

Well done ladies on your fitness drives!!! 

Thinking of you all.

Bxxx


----------



## Rach76

Just wanted to say all the best to sl4e. -hope all goes well. Will have my fingers crossed for you. X x x x praying you come back with a bfp x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies 

Michimoo - that app sounds good, is it for iphone? Mine isn't quite that posh  

Rach - i'm just trying to sort the athens tests, we figured it was a good idea where ever we cycle, not a nice thing to do though, but you don't need more than a drop or two...right?  

Rory - good to be doing something else, it's all more info, isn't it?  

SL4E - sorry your week was pants, but good news for you now  

Afm doing the athens tests, but not sure if we will cycle with them, due to work etc, I don't know if we can manage the logistics, keen on arc, but will need to put money on the mortgage for that.  We will se......

Hi Beth and everyone i've missed

Lil' one


----------



## Michimoo

Why is swimming a No No? Is it just after EC or when you're stimming as well?
It's the only exercise that burns loads of calories but it doesn't actually feel too strenuous! 

Yes my fitness pal is on iPhone but I think it's on other phones types too. It's very addictive.


----------



## MrsPootle

Michimoo & Lil'one - I second the addictive nature of My Fitness Pal - I've got an Android phone and it can get quite obsessive.  I've lot 7.5 inches off my bum, tum and bust in total after 4 weeks of bootcamp.  However, since I got the flu in week 2, the diet went out the window which means a solitary pound loss overall.  Pathetic for 4 weeks.  But now I 'have job', I'm going to return to trying to make sure I stick to it.  I'm binning most carbs, all dairy and 'eating clean'.  Some days it is fine, others, like now, when I have PMTand NEED chocolate, it's murder! x

Hope everyone else is ok - whatever you are up to xxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hello all - loads going on for everyone and the moment,   to those that need them and a millions tons of luck to everyone mid tx. 

Just wanted to say I think a hysteroscopy in the UK often means having a look but not doing anything and in Athens it means having a look and a good clear out when needed plus implantation cuts as standard. I really think it made a difference for us and would recommend it to anyone with multiple failures. The period blood infections tests they do in Athens are different from anything they do in the UK and if anything comes back positive it's likely a hysto would be a good idea to clear any associated scar tissue. We went straight from positive infections tests to hysto to avoid the cost of an aqua scan which we felt was likely to indicate the need for a hysto anyway. Hope this makes sense and if anyone would like to ask any questions about our experience please do, more than happy to share. 

LTW x x x


----------



## bethholm

Completely agree with my dear friend LTW-the UK and Norway never realised that I had a problem with my uterus, but Athens did as I had a hysto there.Made a huge difference in terms of a BFP for both of us...

B xxx


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, had a bit of a breakthrough yesterday! I went to see my gp about a few things and brought the ivf up she has agreed to any tests I want so I'm going back next month with a list in hand!! Need to find the immunes list.... I know it's here somewhere, I do feel like I'm cheating on my clinic a little bit but if they won't do anything then needs must! 

I also asked her about my weight I'm not huge or anything but my bmi is 34 and I'm classed as obese but I'm 5'7 so I'm told I don't look it! Instead of sticking me on the scales and telling me I was she simply asked me if I come from a bigger family I said I did and she told me I was just unlucky! It was quite refreshing really..... She did say she would give me a gym prescription if I would like one but she wants to see how I go on this 5:2 diet first which is fine because I do lots of walking anyway! 

We are still thinking about going to Athens but it won't be until next year. 

Hope you are all ok 
Xx


----------



## bethholm

Jess- get your GP to do your level 1 immune tests but they won't be able to do the level 2s as the NHS don't do them.Get them done in Athens, especially as you are planning to possibly cycle there anyway, with Dr Economou at around 500€ compared to what I sadly paid with Dr G (£1500 and I can't stand him!!!)They are the same tests but so so much cheaper!!!

B x


----------



## Jess81

thanks Beth, i think i've had some of the level 1's done but not all of them. xx


----------



## bethholm

Agate should have listed the level 1 tests on the immunes FAQ thread, if not, google level 1 immune tests fertility as that's what I did.

B xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hi everyone,
Thanks for all your good wishes, I do feel really supported but still finding it hard to hope any more. Been frantic trying to scrape the cash from different places, and book flights. going out, could only get an evening flight landing at midnight! Luckily the clinic sends a car, it's pricey but worth it as there's no train til 6.30am. They are also doing us a double donor fresh cycle for the price of a frozen, because I've had 2 failures.
Rory, hope the trip to Athens goes well, and the hysto sorts you out  it is difficult when you cycle abroad cos it's not just a case of sneaking off for an hour.
Jess, woohoo for your GP being supportive, claim as many NHS tests as you can.
Michimoo, yep, I know what you mean about the diet to give you a bit of leeway next month with the drugs.
Hello Mrs P and LTW, nice to see you both.
Brumbar, hope thing going ok with your tests
Rach, hope your hysto has done its magic for your next try.
Lil One, thinking of you.
Any news from Coweyes?
Beth, hugs to you and lil man,
Time to get busy packing, see you soon x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Thinking of you SL4E, wishing and hoping this is the one for you x 

Jess - have you and DH had karotyping tests? You can get these on nhs if you have a good GP.


----------



## coweyes

Hi Seemslike4ever


Thanks for asking after me, i still read this thread but dont tend to reply.


Im good thanks im now on mat leave, just waiting for things to start happening.  Im so glad i didnt give up work any earlier as it all feels a bit over whelming at the moment, sure its totally normal though.


Hello everyone else hope your all well. xx


----------



## rory2011

Not long for you cow eyes! How exciting.

Sl4e good luck...when are you off? 
Jess great news. About your gp doing tests...see if they can do as many as possible.
Beth hope you are adapting well to being a mummy and baby is being good for you! 

Hello to everyone else


----------



## Jess81

Ltw no but I'm going to put it on my list... Ill let u know how I get on xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Fingers crossed they'll do it for you Jess - from memory problems are rare but worth checking. I think Coweyes had sucess after finding problems with the karotyping test, I'm sure she'll be a good one to ask for advice if you find a problem x 

Nice to hear from you Coweyes - not long to go now x


----------



## coweyes

Yes your right our biggest problem was with my eggs as i have a chromazone problem.  I had the karotype test done due to wanting to egg share (give my eggs) there was never any suggestion that my eggs could be the problem, so as you can imagine we were totally and utterly gobsmacked when it came back that there was a big problem! So was our consultant!  I think sometimes the problem can be that everyone focuses on over coming the problems that have been identified and there for unless pushed dont look to see if there are a combination of issues.  My dh has very low sperm count and i have one fel tube due to loosing  it after having an ectopic, it was always presumed that the major problem was with my dh.  Saying that though i do understand that we have just been particularly unlucky to have both fertility problems and a genetic condition that effects fertility.


It was a terrible terrible time for us and we really considered giving up, but we went to see the consultant and then we were given nhs help for one round of icsi pgd.  For us it was the answers for our prayers and we have been very very lucky that our one cycle worked.  It makes me a bit cross when i think of all the treatment we had before the pgd, 2 x icsi and one fet and it was all the wrong treatment, if only my clnic looked out of the box and gave the karotype test.  If you want any help or advise i would be more than happy to help. xx


----------



## Jess81

Thanks coweyes, just one question what is pgd? Xx


----------



## coweyes

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preimplantation_genetic_diagnosis. xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies
Jess - good news re your GP.  It can make all the difference.  We have a good one, it really helps.  I think the whole BMI thing is a bit over rated.  I am a keen gym bunny, and so am never on the low side of the BMI due to muscle bulk - i am no body builder you understand.....   but good that your GP can look in your eyes, not just at the numbers.
Rach - how are you doing?   
Hi to everyone else   Beth, LTW, SL4E, coweyes, Rosa, Michimoo (we may be cycle buddies soon), Jess, Rory, Mrs Pootle, and anyone else i've missed.  
AFM doesn't look like the Athens tests are getting done anytime soon.  After a week i fear it is time to bin my refridgerated sample   .  Shame because i was all ready, researched the posting options, but the boxes i ordered from Fedex never came.
We are stearing towards ARGC.  Logistically we think Serum may be too hard for us due to work etc.  I have registered and am waiting for a first appt, so at least that's something.
Have a good evening, ladies.
Lil' one


----------



## Rosa1939

Evening all,

I've not read too far back so sorry if i have missed anything but i wanted to quickly wish SL4E massive good luck, everything crossed for you. Xx

Cow eyes, not long to go now! X

Hugs to everyone, LilOne, Beth, Jess, LTW, mrs p, Michimoo, Rach and all the gang. Xx


----------



## Jess81

Hi Ladies, 
well we just had our follow up and they are now thinking it could be something wrong with DH sperm! he's always had very low numbers intodays sample he got just 2...! 
so they talked about dna fragmentation and they are going to send off one of the frozen vials we have to london to be looked at. if it comes back at less then 95% fragmented then they will send me and my 3 remaining embies to oxford for testing. 

he started banding around about using donor sperm which really upset my hubby as we weren't expecting it! i think if we have to go down the donor route i would use a double donor or embryo adoption as the cons called it this morning. 
DH is devisiated as it's been blow after blow and it's always fallen on him, i've told him i don't care if our baby isn't bilogically mine because if i can carry it then it will always be a part of me, and i think he will resent it if we use my eggs. 

we have to wait quite a while for the test results to come back so it's a good job we aren't planning on doing it anytime soon! 

Beth, u sused a DD didn't u? how did u both take it? 

xx


----------



## coweyes

jess


Have other sperm sample shown such a low count or is it just this one?  The reason why i ask is cos my dh has very low sperm count, but it has alwasy been good enough for icsi, on our last cycle he only had 5 sperm! he kept on saying what 5 million (his normal count) and the consultant said no im afraid not just 5!  Anyhow he did a frozen sample just incase it was that bad on the day and the frozen sample came back as his normal count, still very low good enough for icsi.  On the day of ec he did a fresh sample that was good enough to use so the frozen got thrown away.  Anyhow after some thought it was concluded that the reason why it was so bad was cos he had been pretty ill over xmas and sperm stays in your system for something like 3 months.


He was also tested a chormazone disorder Delagate Y, but the test came back normal, he is just unlucky to have very low sperm count. xx


----------



## Jess81

Hi coweyes,
Yes DH only ever has 5-6 single sperm but today he only had 2!! 

Xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. Hoping all is ok.

Jess- hoping you have got our head around the consultation you had.  It's really horrid when they start suggesting problems they have never mentioned before. At my last  consultation in the uk they basically told me surrogacy was my only hope after saying they did not think there was a problem with my uterus for the previous five attempts. I was a mess for months afterwards which really worried DP. I hope you sort out a plan soon.

Hi rosa-how are you getting on?

Lil'one- am hoping you are ok and in full swing of planning your next cycle with Argc. Hoping they will find and correct the missing piece to your formula and you will be bring home a BFP very soon. 

Rory-are you in Athens at the moment? Hoping it is all going well. Let us know how you are getting on.

Sl4e-how are you getting on? Are you PUPO yet? 

A big hello to all the other lovely ladies on here. 

Afm -I'm ok. Plodding along. Took me a long time to get over this last hysteroscopy. Felt really ill until a few days ago really-dizzy, sick and in pain. But I'm getting there now. Am feeling stronger everyday. My body have been through a lot as I realised I have had three hysteroscopies in the last 7 months! Which I think is taking tole on my body abit  and then of course there are the cycles and all the drugs my body has had to deal with. So haven't been able to go to the gym-dp won't let me until after the next cycle which is due to start in about a week. So been pretty bored at home. So have been baking cakes, making candles, soaps and bath bombs! Lol. Diet has gone out of the window although forced myself to go back to fat club today and was shocked to find I had lost two pounds. Yay. So I've just got to wait for af to arrive and then it is all go with this FET cycle which will be the third time I have started it since January. But hay ho- third time lucky !!!!!!!!! Fingers crossed x x

Rach 76


----------



## seemedlike4eva

I'm home and PUPO! 2 x day 4 top quality transferred. 
We opted for double donor, DH has a condition which would require surgical aspiration, tissue culture then PGD if they did find even a normal looking sperm, and he doesn't do needles down there, wimp. We had umpteen tries with donor sperm, and it was always an issue for him, but now  we moved to double donors he's 100% on board because we're now on an equal footing.
Rach, well done on facing fat club and losing! DH says I've come home looking chubbier. Hope AF turns up at the right time to get going.
Jess, sorry about your latest hurdle. Hope you and DH are able to relax a bit during this downtime.
Lil One, hope the appointment comes quickly.
Has baby coweyes appeared yet?
Rory, think you're on a special holiday in Athens at the mo?
Beth hope all's well.
Rosa, thanks for the good wishes,
Lots of love to everyone xx


----------



## bethholm

SL4e- we did double donor for that exact reason plus DH as you know has a DD and DS so we both felt that we'd be on equal footing too plus it gave us our best chance...praying this is your answer my lovely and William feels like both our child in every way.

B xxx


----------



## Rosa1939

SL4E, that's really good news, fingers crossed that this is the one for you! xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Wishing you all the luck in the world SL4E xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Hi Ladies,
Just lying in bed trying to catch up with you all on my phone.

Jess - I feel for you ref your consultation. At my second failed they slapped me with an egg quality issue & suggested Donor egg. This was totally out of the blue with no lead up. Hasten to say I was devastated. It also was the way it was delivered.
We are still fighting for my own eggs & I guess it depends what happens on our next attempt. But I want to make sure I give my eggies the best possible chance. If it does come to that though I'm not sure DH wants DD & I'm not sure I could deal with not having DD! But that's another days convo.

Rach - wow wee you are starting again really soon, that's fab. 3 hystos in 7 months though you poor thing. Great news on the 2 pound loss though. 

Beth - where is Dr G based I thought I'd heard he moved to Zita West. I maybe wrong? What's wrong with him?

Lillone - had your consultation come through yet? If not give them a chase.

SL4E - I've got all my fingers & toes crossed for you. This is going to be it, I can feel it.

Rosa, Coweyes & LTW hope you ladies are well?

Hi to anyone I've missed, but I am on my phone & I'm squinting to type this weeny message! 



AFM- I'm off to get hypnotised next week to try & get me to chill out a bit. I understand that FSH can be raised by stress & as I am a complete stress maniac these days I'm hoping it may help. Jeezzzz I'll try anything that's going these days. If someone told me to strap a monkey to my back & run down the street naked I'd probably do it if it got me pg! Lmao
Well since Jan I have now lost 1 & a half stone. Yey! I am pleased as my clothes aren't tight anymore & I don't look pg (when I'm not). I have 1 more stone to lose until I'm back to my wedding day weight but hoping to start ivf in 2 weeks so not going to happen unless I starve myself. But I'm happy with where I am so far. Don't get me wrong it's been hard work & this 1200 calories a day is tough going! But if I start ivf again I will be a bit more conscious what I eat now.

Right off to make a morning cuppa.

Big hugs ladies.

M
Xxxxx


----------



## bethholm

Morning Michimoo!- it was George N from Notts CARE who has gone into business with Zita West.He too is into immunes albeit not as much as Dr G.On the FGA thread over the years I've been on,there's been a lot of controversy surrounding him to a point where posts and whole threads were deleted by moderators (understandably due to worry of legal issues even though they were often facts as opposed to opinion) therefore I will PM you about it! Congrats in the weight loss- I must have put on around 1.5-2 stone over the last 4 years of fertility treatment so I'm hoping it'll come off soon!

Love to all
B xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Michimoo - great work re the weight loss  , that is a really good job.  Hope the hypnotism goes well, I will be interested to hear how it is.

SL4E - congrats at being PuPO  , hope the time flies for you.

Rach - how are you feeling? This whole thing really takes it's toll.  No one really tells you in the beginning.  Our cons told us yesterday how much it takes out of you....but more of that later....

Jess - how are you going.  It's horrible when they floor you with something like that.  I guess an important question is whether you feel complete trust in your consultant and believe they have your best interests at heart?  

Hi Beth, Rosa, lTW, coweyes, rosa, rory and anyone else out there,

Afm the plot thickens and i am even more confused.  We had our follow up yesterday.  We were just going to draw an end to that clinic,  but the info has floored us again.  It was a really thorough review, the cons went through all of our history start to finish.  Bottom line is she thinks that the cycles have been 'textbook with good response resulting in top class eembies....but still nothing, despite 2 natural bfps  .  So....she has said she doesn't think any more heavy stims is good for us.  Apparently sometimes there can be chromosomal abnormalities created from all the stims.  She has recommended a natural cycle, with endo scratch and intralipids.  So confused, it makes sense and there are lots of success stories....maybe it's our missing piece?  Was thinking it would be argc, but it's a big time and money commitment which we don't really have.

Confused.com!  Lil' one


----------



## Michimoo

Lilone - I think you have to go with your gut feel. 
I was like this about changing clinics the first time & the way I made my decision was this : if it fails again will I be kicking myself that I A) didn't stay with my existing clinic or B) didn't go with the new clinic 
Then I worked out which was was a stronger feeling & based my decision on that. 
That's just me though. Everyone is different.


----------



## Rach76

Hi all.

Sl4e- congratulations on being PUPO. I have my fingers very firmly crossed for you. X x

Lil'one- how confusing!! Hope you can go with your gut and choose the right clinic. Best of luck to you too. 

Michimoo- well impressed with your weight loss. Not long now until you start. I had lost 15.5 pounds however dp has been off all week so we have been out for more fancy meals than you could ever imagine. They have been fantastic however I feel like I have put a stone back on again. Oh we'll diet starts again on Monday after a lovely meal out with the mother in law on Sunday. Oh what fun!!

Afm- af arrived today. Well I think it has? Been spotting for the last few days even on the brown pills. Is this 
normal? Af is not very heavy but I remember it being like this after the last hysto so am hoping all is ok!!!! 

Had a day from hell yesterday and it has really got me down. Didn't sleep at all last night so am so tired today. We are visiting dp's sister for the weekend and after a few drinks we got onto the subject of fertility and everything went down hill from there. I can't believe how judgemental she was. First of all there was her opinionated view on how wrong surrogacy is and how possibly can a woman give her baby up to another couple. Including how she thought if we had to go down that route we must choose adoption instead. Then there was the conversation about the fact she thought I had taken too much time off work for treatment and how could I mess around an employer like that because you can't survive without your job. Then there was the whole conversation about how she thinks I should take a year off work to do ivf so the employer is not having me off sick and when I said I could not because I could not afford treatment without working she said that I should not work to pay for ivf treatment!!!! Oh my god I was so mad and upset. The conversation ended with me asking her to change the conversation because I was almost crying and telling her its not as easy as she thinks and really she should not be so judgemental on a conversation she has no experience of. So all I want to do now is cry. She has made me feel so **** and I am stuck at her house for another day. I haven't said anything to dp as I don't want to make the situation even worse. It's ok for her with her 7 bedroom mansion , fantastic husband, tow very very well paid jobs and two lovely children! 

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Rach x x

On a positive not. I start my FET tomorrow. X


----------



## coweyes

Rach 


O god i am so sorry, if your anything like me you end up re living the conversation.  My fil last week end told me that he didnt agree with fertility treatment on the nhs!  Tbh i dont mind people having an opinion like that as long as they know the facts, which he doesnt.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

I'm really touched by all your good wishes, thank you SO much.  There's no need to worry about sending round the POAS police, cos I don't even have one in the house.
Rach, can I go round and slap your SIL? Just what you don't need. Praying your FET will work and show her!
Oh Lil One, that's a lot to think about.
Slimline Michimoo, I'm very impressed, wish I could be so disciplined.
Beth,, have a wonderfulfirst mothers day with William
Hope it's a special day for Coweyes and  LTW too.
Squirrel, are you back from the sunshine yet?
Jess, sending you a hug, and Rosa too. 
For those of us still chasing tje dream, let's have a "CUTO" day tomorrow,
cos we're all fabulous xxxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Oh no Rach, can I go with SL4E and slap the ignorant woman?! Feeling for you. Wish people wouldn't give opinions on things they have no understanding or experience of xxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Rach - I'm joining in with SIL bashing squad!  
I would say something to your DP though just so he knows what she's like. I spent years shielding my DH from the nasty insensitive things his parents used to say to me. But when I didn't want to see them or tried to avoid certain situations where they would be, he started to wonder why. In the end I blurted it all out. Now every time they do or say something horrible I let him know. Not in a moaning sort of way, just in a "oh & listen to the gem your Mother came out with today" sort of way!  

Well ladies Happy Mothers we will be one day, day!  

Lots of love
M


----------



## Jess81

Hey ladies,
Thanks for all your lovely comments, to be honest dh and I haven't really spoken anymore about it he says he doesn't want to until his test results come back which is fair enough. Although when I was sorting all my spare sharps and meds I said to him I'm going to keep all these drugs in case we have to pay for them next time he was ok with that but said he'd normally go along with Sod's law but if we do go down the donor route we will still need them.... So he's obviously been thinking about it! I think because I said to him what if ur sperm is ok and it's my eggs that are the problem what would he want to do?? He said he didn't know but I've told him I'm not worried about my eggs because ill get to carry the baby so I will have a good bond with it. Oh the classic "miracles can happen" came from the one and only MIl this week.... I wanna say to her are u not listening to what we are saying!! It's never going to happen!! I really think she thinks its all going to be lovely and happen the normal way!! They know everything we have gone through and how tough it has been I don't know why they still think that!! I wanna slap her sometimes!! 

Seems like really really hope this one works for u!!! 

Lil one, we too were going to change clinic after our last funded cycle but since they are now doing something about it we are tempted to stay... I think Sometimes it's better the devil u know. Only u guys will know what to do and whatever decision u make will be the right one. 

Rach we will need a small minibus for us all to go and bash ur sil... Why would she even say those nasty things knowing what u have been through! Don't get me wrong I know we don't want. People to avoid the subject but know what to say and what not to say!!! U should def tell dh I would and maybe he could have a word with her? 

Hi to any one I have missed

Jess xx


----------



## rory2011

Hello ladies I am back from sunny Athens to snowy uk( we have a bit of snow here).

Rach...I can't (well I can) what your sil said...she obviously has no clue and if she were in the same position as you...I am sure she'd be doing the same. Does she ever say these things in front of dh too?

Sl4e congrats on being pupo xx

Afm we went to see the lovely penny...she is so nice. We had our hysto and it showed us the reason why we hadn't been successful. Looks like I have had an infection at some point and there was no way an embie was ever going to implant inside of me. Well it has been cleared out ...and now penny says to try for at least 6months. We also had immune tests and will be getting those results back in next week. Not sure how I a feeling...glad we have a problem but annoyed that this wasn't done earlier to see that would have stopped all the heart ache of bfn's!! 

Hope you are all well, will catch up on the thread xx


----------



## Michimoo

Hi ladies

Just thought I'd post here as I don't have anyone to share my feelings with.
DH working abroad & not heard from him for 2 days ( I can't call him) & parents in Spain.
But I'm feeling really low & finding today really hard!?! Weird eh? 
Everyone is posting pics on ** of their children, someone even decided to upload a pic of a pg scan to announce to everyone that she will be a Mummy au natural! (She's older than me & got married last year)
People are also writing on their status updates about how they send thoughts to those who have lost their Mums.
I wanna shout : to those who are desperate to be a Mum I feel for you.
But I can't because its private & only 4 of my close friends know! 

Sorry, rant over.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Oh ladies, it's a tough day

Michimoo - i'm with you on the ********, or bragbook as we call it.  I hope when things work for us, we remember and are more sensitive  , tough for you without dh, we are here for you  

Rory - so pleased Penny found something, you are half way there now  

Jess, your dh sounds a little like mine........I have to plant the seed aand water, thoughts take a while to grow, but he gets there  . I guess we all take different amounts of time to process data.  Some might say my dh is more organized than me in his thoughts - I know I can be scatter gun 

Rach - it sounds like you are as fond of your sil as i am of mine.  Mine will be, as we speak, sitting cuddled up with my parents and grandchild singing songs or the like.  We weren't even invited round, it's s&%£.

On the subject of stupid things to say, one of my favorites is my mum "your dad thinks it will just happen" and there's her "it will just happen, I know it, you need to be patient", yes because having patience will grow my other tube back, cure my pco, increase dh's count and wind back our clocks about 20 years  .  Ah well, people say what makes them feel better, don't they?

Afm confused.com, I swing between create doing a natural cycle because that must be our missing piece, and argc for their immunes and intensive monitoring.....today seems to ne an argc day, but it changes daily  

I hope everyone's ok?

Lil' one


----------



## Rach76

Hi all.  Thank you for all the lovely replies to my nightmare of a weekend. I could not have got through it without you all. And the mini bus is on order! Lol.

Michimoo- I am so with you on the whole Mother's Day situation. It makes me soooooo sad. It did not help that Dp's mother made a big fuss about how we had to visit her and spend time with her after driving back from his sisters for three hours and why could we not spend even more time with her ! Sod my mum. She didn't get a look in. Luckily my mum is very understanding. 

Sending you all loads of hugs and best wishes on this difficult day. Love to you all. X x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Wish I was a bit more IT savvy, a friend from here, who is also a friend on **, posted something amazing that had me blubbing like a good'un. A tribute to women everywhere who don't have children for whatever reason - it was really lovely- but no idea how to put it on here  
Rory welcome home, good luck with trying naturally.
Michimoo, Rach, Lil One


----------



## Rach76

Rory- glad all went well in Athens. Hopefully penny has found the missing link and you will be pg before you know it. X


----------



## Rosa1939

Hi ladies,

Rach, so sorry to hear what your SIL had to say, if you don't mind me saying, she sounds horrible!  I have found that most people tend to be kind and have some kind of empathy for situations they may not have experienced, but then you get those that are just so judgemental/opinionated and bulldoze others aside! You have my sympathies xx

LilOne, I would go with your gut feeling re clinics.  What does your partner think?  I personally really value the idea of less drugs/natural cycles to gain better quality eggs, although  you may get less overall.  I have done light stimulation cycles in the past, they are a breeze and gotten preg from it (blighted ovum at 9 weeks).  So i do have faith in that way forward, especially if you produce a logood amount of eggs on a regular IVF cycle.  It's a tricky one but hopefully the right way for you will become clear over time x

SL4E, how are you holding up? x

Michimoo, I came off ******** years ago, one of the best things I ever did! I always felt worse after being on it for one reason or another so decided it was not for me. Can you take a break from it?  You can always go back if you feel that you miss it too much x

Rory, really pleased Penny has sorted you out!  Fingers crossed for a natural BFP, are you on antibiotics for a while now?  I remember them, fun times! x

Jess, hugs x

Coweyes, Beth, Squirrel, Longtimewaiting, and anyone else I have missed, hello! x

AFM, I'm still plodding along.  I cannot seem to come to any decisions about anything.  Still trying to decide whether to just go straight to donor egg (been researching UK clinics as well as Serum), one FINAL go at own egg.  No clearer.  I think i may actually still be in denial, thinking it might still happen naturally, we try every month. It still seems unbelievable to me that we are in this situation.  Does anyone ever feel the same?  

Also, two of my (male) colleagues are getting married this year, I just KNOW their wives will announce pregnancies exactly 2/3 months later, it gets me down that it's impossible us.  All the joy has been taken away.  Am feeling sorry for my self today, PMT is never great!

Hugs to everyone xxx


----------



## rory2011

Rosa yes I am on the horrid anti b's. i remembered that porridge made will water didn't make me feel so rough, so on that now for brekkie. 

I hope you do manage to make a decision....perhaps the indecision means you need a little more time out. I know that it feels unreal that this is happening to us...why me? But am hoping now that immunes don't find anything else wrong and it was just my lining that was a problem and now that it has been sorted, I can conceive naturally but at the moment just don't feel it will....need to boost my pma! 

Lil one, have you been to both clinics? That helped us decide which one to move to last time....it helped that our old one was definitely a no goer my more but we had the choice of 2 local ones which we went and had a look around. It was quite an easy choice in the end...one does just ivf and tailored everything to your cycle whilst the other was part of a private hospital and didn't like it being close to the elderly ward and within 1 min mentioned that they would charge 3grand for a hysto. 

Sl4e how is it going? Not too crazy I hope. When is otd?

Rach, hope all is well with you after your crazy visits with the in laws. 

Michimoo, hope things are better today...we haven't told many people about our situation and its hard when Mother's Day comes along and everyone is going on about what there kids got them. It seems to have gone quiet on the preg front with friends and work colleagues....ii am sure it won't last though. Just hope it's me and you ladies on here who get good news soon.

Jess, Beth, squirrel and ltw hello and to anyone else I have missed!

Cow eyes, it can't be long till your little one is here xx


----------



## Jess81

And the blows keep on coming!! Just spoken to the embryologyst and apparently there needs to be a concentration of 1 million sperm to be able to do the DNA fragmentation test.... why??!!! 

so DH's samples are no good and we certainly won't get that many fresh! 

don't know why this keeps happening and so many blows all the time!!! 

sorry for the whingy me post! 
how are u all? 
jess xx


----------



## rory2011

Oh jess  
It always seems to be one thing after another with ivf doesn't it. Hope you get some good news soon xx

Afm no news yet. Waiting for immune results which we should get the end of this week. For those ladies who have had hysto, how long did you spotting go on for. I had mine done after ovulation and they did a d n c at same time so have no idea when af will turn up...I assume as there is hardly any lining now it won't be until the oestrogen tablets have finished.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

oh Jess...  
Rory, when I've had hysto in the past AF usually came on time, but I wasn't taking any hormone tablets alongside.

I'm going mad with lower back pain, which I'm     is a good sign. OTD -POAS- as recommended by clinic is next tues, 14dpt. I did cave in and buy some peesticks, but resisting temptation. 
Greetings to all the gang, brief read tonight as got to go to college after dinner.


----------



## Rach76

Rory-when I had hysto couple of weeks back I bleed for a good few days after the operation. This is all normal. some people bleed for longer it all depends on how much work you had done. I had quite a lot so bleeding was heavy. Some people only spot a little bit.  Your af will come a few days after you stop taking the brown pills. In rare cases it comes during the brown pills in which case you stop the pills. 

Sl4e- hoping the 2ww is not driving you too nuts. Fingers and toes firmly crossed for you. X 

Jess-sending big hugs to you. I know exactly how you feel. If it is not one thing it's another. I think I only ever had one cycle out of nine that ever went as planned and that still ended in bfn! 

Hi to rosa, lil'one, Beth and the rest of the gang. 

Afm- on day three of FET drugs and loosing the plot already. Oestrogen just so doesn't agree with me! I'm a moody emotional wreak. Keeping crying and soooo stressed. God knows what I would be like if I ever actually managed to get pregnant. I think dp would have to move out for nine months! Lol x

Rach x x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

rach,    for your cycle   . Are you able to send some of your raging hormonal energy in the outlaws direction?


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Confession time.....I have been feeling so poorly and nauseous, with crippling backache, that I tested this morning, and got a 2nd line!! We are in shock, happy, scared and can't stop checking the stick to make sure we aren't imagining it xx


----------



## coweyes

seemslike4eva


O my goodness thats amazing, when was your test day?  Im so so pleased for you.  The only way i could manage it was by just taking each day at a time it far less over whelming. xxxxxxx


----------



## rory2011

Sl4e fab news...xxxxxx
We will forgive you for doing poas early...when is otd? 
Cow eyes...any sign that baby is coming?


----------



## bethholm

SL4v- have got goosebumps - you've made my day- my prayers worked!


B xxx


----------



## coweyes

rory


Well i have had loads of period pains and tightnings, but that has gone on a week, so who knows! Iv got a sweep on Sunday if shes not here by then!. xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Thank you all - and please keep praying - OTD isn't til Tuesday, which is 14days after a 4 day transfer, but I figured it may show. This tx 17....and I want to savour every second. Of hope. You ladies have been so amazing with your friendship. And support.
Coweyes...time for a nice vindaloo??


----------



## coweyes

seemslike4eva


That must be quite a strong positive if you have tested 4 days early, wow its looking good.  What do you have to do next? does the clinic do a blood test? 


I hate hot curry the best i can do is a korma   , she will come when shes ready


----------



## rory2011

Sl4e....how many did you have put in?


----------



## seemedlike4eva

I only had 2 put back.....Czech law/allows 3, but that clinic plays safe. I could get a blood test done privately, but it's 90 quid a test..altho you can get an internet one from duofertility and post to their lab for a lot less.


----------



## Rach76

Sl4e- oh my god that's amazing news. I am so so pleased for you. Made me cry bloody oestrogen! You must be over the moon. Sending hugs your way x x x.


----------



## coweyes

seemslike4eva


I love the way you say "only 2", iv only had treatment in the uk so 2 seems like a lot esp as iv only ever had one put back.  Woop woo im so so pleased for you i really am, yes its early days but youv got a chance and lets be honest thats all any of us ask for! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Huge congrats SL4E, really soooo pleased for you


----------



## longtimewaiting

Fantastic news SL4E, would your GP do a couple of blood tests for you? Seeing your bloods double is hugely reassuring, one day at a time - today is a great day! Xxxxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hey ladies ! Just came quickly to check on you all and Omg! Amazing news SL4E! Amazing! Way to go!
Rach... Hope you are staying sane! 
Love to everyone else... Sorry no personals but thinking of you all and reading the updates! 
Xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Thanks again everyone. I'm going to keep reading to see how everyone gets on. 1st scan is 2nd April,   that we get that far.
LTW, ther'll be a snowstorm in hell before my GP will run betas. Tried once before,, never again. Relying on darker lines on the peesticks.
 hard for the day we can change this for a veterans parenting thread x


----------



## pinkpixie

Sl4e that is amazing news 14days after a day 4 transfer is quite long so don't think u are testing that early will keep everything crossed for you xxxx


----------



## katie76

Hi everyone

Congratulations everything crossed   for SL4e you were very supportive and helpful to me   last year and 2011. Hello cow eyes and lil one  

Haven't been on here since last year and had another 2 BFNs   but wondered if I could be cheeky monkey and ask you if anyone used hcg injections as luteal support on a a FET? It's something I've heard about but my Dr isn't keen. 

I'm        for us all   and thank you x


----------



## bethholm

I used hcg as a luteal support at my Norway clinic as I bled usually before OTD and I knew that when I had the injections as a luteal support, I wouldn't bleed.This made my 2WW much more bearable especially the knicker watch!!!Peny at Serum uses the HCG as a 'uterine wash' and has some fab results with it...

Will catch up with more personals later ladies- love to you all.

B xxx


----------



## rory2011

Katie, I had hcg jabs in my 2ww but sadly I got a bfn....although have recently been to serum and my hysteroscopy showed that there was no way an embryo was ever going to be able to attach in my uterus as I'd had an infection and had a load stuff was in the way. I have just had my immune results back and trying to decipher them as we speak as looks like there are a few issues!


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Had a wash and injections at Serum ... Resulted in a chemical so again better than what i've had in the past

X


----------



## katie76

Thank you everyone! It's worth a try I think. Appt this afternoon will discuss it again with her. 

Good luck with your results Rory   

Lucky brumbar - Sorry about your chemical pg. I agree when I had a short lived BFP it was at least a step nearer. 

Beth - congratulations   and thank you  x


----------



## rory2011

Arghh....yet another pregnancy at work....could do without its feeling a bit low as if last ivf had worked would be having a baby in the next couple of weeks. 

Hope everyone else is doing ok.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hugs rory 
Xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

hi ladies

Rory - i really feel for you.  I am struggling like never before.

Why is it that so many people just get pregnant 'just like that'.?  They don't even realize how lucky they are, but just moan about it and.....I am entitled to....blah blah blah

Sorry for being a bit absent, ladies

You are always in my thoughts, just not in a great place

Lil' one


----------



## Rach76

Hugs to Rory and ill one x x x 

This journey never gets any easier........ Really struggling today too..... Had scan and lining is still very thin. Penny has upped the oestrogen again but I really thought it would be so much better especially since I only had hysteroscopy three weeks ago! I don't think this is ever going to work! I just feel like giving up. I'm so stressed out I don't think I can take any more.

Rach x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Rach  
How did the fets go previously?
What could be different this time?
I hope Penny can help you, it is just so unfair.....I have just been having a rant at dh.  Another preg colleague, not really happy about it, not the nicest person to most of us, but somehow now on line to be a mother....just not fair


----------



## rory2011

It is has just been a horrid day...since my last post have heard of another friend expecting...it just feels so unfair. Then had a go at my sister as she pulled out the "well now you can stop stressing about it all"phrase. Of !**!sake how can I not feel slightly stressed due all all of this crappness that has happened. I should feel relieved that finally we have found out that We are not "unexplained" but feeling a bit funny about it all. Had just hoped it was my uterus but now with the immune prob not sure what to do. I wish we could run away from it all!


It has been a crappy day all in all and dh is not here...probably a good thing as he would just have a crying mess to deal with.

Rach, I hope your next scan is much better
Lil one, hope you get in a better place soon, we are here for you xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Rory....sounds like we are living in a parallel universe......feel for you.

Hope you're ok without dh


----------



## pinkpixie

katie my first clinic used hcg shot as luteal support but i still bled early with it although it was just one injection after transfer xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Yes it's AWOL Michi again!
Just a quickie as I need to be up at 5am.
Had a nightmare AF decided to show up 2 days early (I'm never early)
Which has now messed everything up with DH being home on time for EC.
Hence the AWOL as there has been a lot of tears/break downs & argueing across the ocean via phone & email!
To cut a VERY long story short Ive decided to go for it. So I'm day 1 Stims today!
Here we go again!!!!!!!!
Big hugs ladies & I'll catch up with the news in the next few days whilst I'm sitting in the waiting rooms.

Xxx


----------



## katie76

Thank you pink pixie - clinic have agreed to one injection post transfer. 

I'm sorry to read everyone is struggling at the moment. I had been on the frozen transfers thread since Jan and had my BFN 2 weeks ago and out of all those lovely ladies only 3 got their BFPs. Very sad and VERY unfair. This is so   hard. It doesn't get easier and the longer it goes on the less faith I have. 

The only thing that is positive is women like us who share the pain and support each other. My DH is fantastic but when I'm going loony there are only the ladies here that truly understand. I am forever grateful for that x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Michi.  Are you at argc?    This must be your time


----------



## Michimoo

Yup! Back at ARGC & back with the 5am mornings! 
Yawn! I should really be asleep now?


----------



## rory2011

good luck Mich... hope you get to sleep soon too!


----------



## Rach76

Lil'one- well on my first FET nearly four years ago I actually got pg. first and only time it has ever happened apart from the ectopic. Since then I have had three or four( I've had so many I can't actually remember) and none of them have worked however this was before they discovered I had loads of adhesions in my uterus so always put the failures down to that -was told adhesions had been there for years so that's why ivf never worked. ( ' was told the FET that did work was a fluke) and that the reason I miscarried at this time was due to the adhesions in the womb restricting it. So I have had three hysteroscopy's in the last seven months to get rid of the adhesions and know for a fact that it is ' all clear in there' at the moment but now my lining will not grow. In all of the nine attempts this has only started happening since chrismas. My lining measurements were fine when I cycled last nov/dec. so I have no idea why it is not growing now and nor does anyone else as penny knows its all ok in there as seen it on the DVD after hysteroscopy. I have tried everything-acupuncture, Chinese herbs, hot water bottles, Brazil nuts, ginger tea, pineapple juice- the lot so really do not know what else to do. Is there anything else? 

Anyway-had weird dream last night. I just gave birth to four babies but they were all different colours! And when I mean different colours there was a red one, blue one, green one and purple one. Obviously the Amount of oestrogen I am taking is screwing with my head. Lol 

Hoping everyone is feeling a little bit better today.

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Oh my darlings, sorry there's so much angst at the moment. All I can do is give you a huge cyber hug    and keep praying for each and every one of you.
Rach, I don't know what else you could do, as you're obviously covering all the non-pharmaceutical bases to encourage your lining.
Lil One, hope there's a ***** of brightness soon
Rory, I hope you're able to decipher your results and that it's something that can be treated easily for you.
Katie, welcome back, although sorry that it's not with happier news   
Mich, good luck juggling the appts, and everything crossed for you
 Brumbar, Pinkpixie, Beth and the gang.
Love you all, and your support is amazing xxx


----------



## Jess81

Hi Girls, 
Sorry I have been a bit AWOL but I’ve found the last couple of weeks a bit difficult! I managed to get another apt with the cons yesterday and it was much more positive then the last one! Soooo I have a bit of an update for you all! 
He has agreed to request funding through oxford PCT for the CGH testing as it would be £3000 and we just can’t afford it, so if we get it we will have it done and if not we won’t! 
DH’s tests have mostly come back and they are all clear so that’s good news! 
He has agreed to do a hysto on me…. Finally!! After asking for one for the last 2 years he has finally given in! 
Whilst doing the hysto he is going to do a endo scratch too! 
He’s run some more bloods on me so we have to wait and see what they come back like, I told him I had thyroid done in the past and that I’m on thyroxine but he said he wants to dig a but deeper into it. 
DH asked that if his final test comes back ok does that mean we don’t have to think about a donor and he said yes so DH is now happy  

SL4E congrats on ur news hun, I’m so very pleased for you! 
To the girls who have had work pg announced…. 1 here too! Although I am happy for her as she has had lots of problems and a couple of mc at 12 weeks! I just hope this one goes ok for her. 
Hi to everyone else. 

Jess xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hugs ladies.... 


Feeling sorry for myself as I have a stinking cold with slightly raised  temperature and due for an EC tomorrow am
Hope it doesn't ruin it all for me... I really don't need an immune flare up !


----------



## rory2011

Oh no brumbar...why do these things happen. Hope it goes quickly and doesn't affect this cycle. Did you have immune tests with dr e? Iam  trying to figure out my dqa results as they bear no resemblance to dr de beers book! Sadly we have 100% compatibility for dqa and 29% for the hla c.  Agate isn't sure how he works them out either.  I will email him this weekend but want to ask dh to have a look first! It looks like I need neupogen and intralipids if we cycle again. 

Jess, I hope the pct are kind to you. Glad you are getting your hysto done. I kept being told there was nothing wrong with mine until I went and had one in Greece and low and behold it showed that I never would have got preggers due to infection. 

Rach, hope the lining increases soon. Are you out in Athens yet or just waiting for lining? Wonder if you will have anymore interesting dreams! 

Hello to everyone else


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Feeling better today so fingers x-ed all good 

Rory, i'm not sure exactly how he does things ... Infact i'm a bit puzzled by his test system... He uses very different test methods from The Chicago lab

If you go to the serum immunes thread you'll see my posts on the KIR.. On the Chicago lab test i have the 3 activatorS on dr.E's tests i don't... It appears from his email that he's only testing for some ( and not all)  allele variations of the gene 

Did he do full HLA mapping for you? X


----------



## Michimoo

Great! Just had my first scan this morning & only 3 follies on the Right & 2 on Left! FFS.
This is worse than last time. 
I hate my body. 
On the train on the way home & straight off to a hypnotherapy session. Hopefully she can chill me the f*** out!
Sorry for the torrets this morning. 
I'm just really puzzled & frustrated.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Oh michimoo ... Hugs hun... 
But its quality, not quantity... Remember  
Xxxx


----------



## rory2011

Michimoo, on my last cycle they only could see 5 maybe 6 on scan but ended up with 8 eggs. 
Brumbar hope you are feeling better xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

True... I was told once ... We'll probably get only 3-4 eggs ... Nearly cancelled my cycle and ended up collecting 8!!! 

Much better today rory! Penny said it could be a side effect of the Neupogen
Xxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovely ladies.
Confession time - I have been lurking, and wallowing in self pity and denial, and not quite sure why I havent been able to post. I wanted to say hi again, forgive me for being AWOL, and to send love and   to you all. It sounds like a hard time for a lot of people, and instead of hiding from FF, I should have been here to support and rant with you.

Lucky Brumbar - name change?! Hope it is the start of something way better, and glad you are feeling better. Keep strong, and all the luck I can sprinkle at you is coming your way xx

Rory - hi buddy, good luck with looking into your results - think I am headed the immune route as well, and I feel for you and am feeling quite daunted myself. Hope you are having a weekend trying to foget about it all, and can approach it fresh this week xx

SL4eva - huge congrats xx

Michimoo - oh hon, I feel for you. I hate my body too. I hope the hypno calms you, and you can get some hope back, I agree with the girls 100% and hope you get a good surprise on EC day xx

Jess - well done for persevering, yippppeeee for hysto and dh getting some hope back too! Go you! Xx

Betholm - hope all good your end xx

Rach - sending thick lining vibes, and hope the dreams ease up! Mine tend to go completely weird on the meds too! Xx

Lil'one, pink pixie, katie - hi ladies xx

Everyone hurting - we are not alone, and I am glad I have this thread to come back to - if you'll have me xx

AFM, frustrated, impatient, puzzled and waiting for local clinic to pull their fingers out and sort my immune testing. Another ivf seems moons away and i hate limbo land with a passion. If one more friend or relative gets pg easily, i may well pop! Life is such a struggle for some, and so easy for others - i honestly dont understand it. I know such amazing ladies on here, and no one deserves such ongoing misery yet the world or mother nature etc keeps chucking it around...grrrr, maybe am into anger mode and not apathy anymore! My counsellor would be proud  . Take good care xx

Everyone -


----------



## bethholm

Michimoo- I had exactly those amounts of follies on many of my cycles and had a BFP twice with them (I did miscarry but it was due to other reasons).Less often means much much better quality eggies!!! Thinking of you.

B xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Thanks ladies.

I'm on 600iu & clomid!!!! I have another scan tomorrow so we will see if anything has improved.

I know it only takes one but with my history with cell division I need all the odds I can get.

I don't understand why I don't produce very many follies. I hate being classed as "unexplained" !!


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hope tomorrow is a good day Mitchimoo! 

On the follies:  your ovaries have a certain number of antral follicles at the beginning of the cycle... they are the ones that you have fir tge month and the max eggs you can get is the number of those follies. that's why some clinics may cancel you if your antral follicle count is low and scan you again each month until they get a good month and start you then... 

Xxxx 
Chin up tits out hun!
Hugs


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone.

Squirrel- so nice to hear from you.  you go with the anger mode, a good scream and shout can do the world of good. Sending you loads of best wishes. X

Michimoo- best of luck with the scan tomorrow. I've got my fingers crossed for you.

Lucky brumbar- how's you doing? Where are you in your cycle at the moment. You still in Athens? I've just arrived. Hoping you have had a good ec with lots of lovely eggies. X x 

ATM- just arrived in Athens. Got a scan with penny tomorrow to see if my crappy lining has improved!  Praying it is better as I really don't know what else I can do apart from have a uterus transplant!!!!! Oestrogen is driving me mad too getting the worst headaches and what with the anti b's making e feel sick for most of the day I'm feeling very sorry for myself at the moment. Why can't things just go right for once in my life! 

Rach x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi lovelies  

Good luck, Rach, I hope things improve  

Michimoo - hope the scan is good news tomorrow  

Squirrel - are you waiting for tests or results? I hope the clinic gets in gear soon  

Brumbar - how did ec go?

Hi to everyone else,

Afm ok, still up in the air about the future....hard decisions 

Lil' one


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hello lovely ladies. So much going on, I'm always reading and so very well understand how horrible the IF journey is. Thinking of you all whatever horrible bit you are enduring at the moment. 

I've been having a clear out and have some books I'd like to give away, if anyone is interested in any of them please pm me your address and I'll post them to you. 

It's conceivable! Hypnosis for fertilty by Lynsi Eastburn
Taking charge of your fertility by Toni Weschler
Fertility and conception by Zita West
Fit for fertility by Michael Dooley

Take care x x x


----------



## Rach76

Hi LTW really nice to hear from you. I would love one of your books. How do I pm you. Can't seem to do it. Not very technical me. Lol x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Rach i is still here!  on my jack! Dh left today but  the party is still going at Marmitas  

We had a good crop thank God so transfer on Wed! This time i wasn't told that they were crap so it as a good sign 

Rach, PM me if you fancy a coffee tomorrow hun and don't forget that it is a bank hol here tomorrow so lots of places are closed including Syntagma station, so exit at Monastiraki if you are venturing down to plaka! 

Sorry for short post but battery dying
Love to all
Lucky B


----------



## longtimewaiting

Rach, click on my name then you get the option to send me a pm xxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Well I'm back on the train on my way to London! Flipping eck these early starts are killing me. 
Just to top it off I woke up at 2am in a panic that I'd cooked my eggs. I fell asleep with a wheat pack in the bed cause it was so cold & I woke up with it near my belly. 
I then was frantically googling at 2am.
Not sure this calming hypnotherapy is working?  

I've got my scan this morning too, so hopefully we see some more follies.

Boy do I wish I was with you Rach & lucky B in Athens. It's flipping freezing here!!!


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

I'm sure you've not overcooked them Michimoo!  x
Hope today is a good day for you!
What are you up to today Rach? X
Love to all
Xxx


----------



## bethholm

Thinking about all you ladies who are cycling.You are in my thoughts and prayers.

B xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

God bless you Beth! Thank you so much! 

X


----------



## Michimoo

Awww thanks Beth.

Lucky B - bring the weather back with you?

Afm - it's all gone Pete Tong! 
I have 3 large on the left & 4 small on the right which haven't grown yet.
I'm on day 6 so am hoping the right one wakes up.
What's stupid is the wheat pack was near my left hand side so maybe I bought them on with the warmth??!!!

I don't know what to do!!! No DH here to talk to.


----------



## bethholm

All follicles sadly grow at different rates & therefore stress is out but I've had many cycles where slow growing follies have caught up and they've contained good eggs. I know we all say that it only takes 1 good egg but being a former poor responder,I can really empathise and my heart goes out to you.Wish I was there to hold your hand.

B xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Brumbar, Rach & Michimoo sending you all     for good news
  to everyone else, I'm lurking


----------



## Rach76

Thank you Beth x x x x x


----------



## Michimoo

Well as you can imagine I had a breakdown last night. It wasn't until the words came out my mouth to my DH on the phone that I actually realised what I was feeling. The thing is I'm very strong & am one of these people that just gets on with things. I love to help other people but never give myself any emotional time.
I am a fixer for others if that makes sense?
Well my words were: I feel like this is my last chance with my own eggs & if I don't have a good crop then that's it for me ever having a biological child of my own! - That's when a cried a little.

This morning I feel very depressed & low. Yes I will pick myself up & traipse into London but I feel like I'm just grieving a bit. Having no one with me is hard. I don't tell DH the half of it as he tells me to be a fighter. "What will be, will be! (I hate that saying).

Anyway I've ranted long enough. Sorry ladies I just needed a sounding board & some


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hugs lovie.... You are on your way to London now... Hope today is a better day 
Xxx


----------



## Rach76

Really hoping today goes well for you michimoo. Will be thinking of you. X x x xx x


----------



## rory2011

Michimoo big hug  

Hope your trip to London was more positive today xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Michi - sending you a virtual  .  I   the follies catch up, like the others have said, it only takes one and it's early days.

Good luck to our serum ladies

Sorry for short post, finding it all a bit hard, think i am feeling I might not have little lil' ones of my own......maybe it's my hormones making me sad  

Lil' one


----------



## Michimoo

Lil one - hope you are feeling better today?  

Well ladies your   &   is working the right side is slowly waking up! 
Keep it up for me plz? 
Big hugs

Xxxxx


----------



## rory2011

Great news Michimoo 

   

Lil one  , it's so hard this IF and IVF...especially when everyone around you gets pregnant at the drop of the hat. 
Hello everyone else, Brumbar and rach...are you both in Athens? Hope it's going well for you both.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Yay Michimooo!!!!!!!!! Keep em growing! 

We are both here Rory!  had a nice coffee with lovely Rach yesterday

I'm preggers  with 3 babies as of today lets hope it stay this way for the next 8 ( or so) months!
Xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Lucky B - congrats on being pupo! 3 babies that's fab. 

Hope things are ok with you Rach? 

Afm - I feel like I have an Alien trying to pop out of my left hand side. I've only got 3 there but I don't remember feeling this uncomfortable before? Oh well, I'm desperately trying to hold out until DH is home!!


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Sorry ur having a tough time michmoo, fingers crossed for ur eggies and that they keep growing!! 
Lucky b, congrats on being pupo!! Fx for u!! 
Lil one how u feeling?? 
Hi to anyone I missed. 

Afm - I saw the gp for my 1 month check up and she agreed all the level 1 tests incl karotyping! So have to go in a couple of weeks for those. I got my vit d level back and it's 28 apparently anything under 25 is deficient so I'm insufficient!! She asked me if I wanted her to prescribe vit d but said it would be the same as what I can buy over the counter so I said I'd buy it myself! Anyone else have this problem?? 

Things seem to be slowly getting there now and it's showing g there are issues with me too not necessarily big problems but problems all the same. 

Jess xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lucky B       congratulations on being PUPO!
Mich,    those eggs ripen nicely at just the right time.
Lil One    thinking of you, and sharing your pain.
Jess, good luck for the tests, and long may the GP co-operation continue. 
Rach,     that you're also able to come home with a cargo
Big hello to LTW, Beth, Squirrel, Rory, katie and everyone xxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Hoping everyone is ok.

Mich - so glad your eggs are getting bigger.

Big hugs to you lil'one x x 

Jess-so pleased your doc is being helpful. One of the few in the country I would say in my experience.

Lucky b- hope you are having fun being PUPO. Enjoy Hun x 

Afm- having a complete nightmare as usual. My lining is pants!!!!! Got thicker and was all happy and then shrunk again. Wtf!!!!!! However penny says its the best I will ever get so we just have to take our chances. So not holding up for much hope. Planned my next cycle with penny already to commence as soon as this one is over. So am waiting for ET on sat, coming home on sun and am just forgetting about it and gonna enjoy Easter. Lost the plot yesterday but am pretty chilled out today. Decided with dp that the next cycle has to be the last. Running out of money and emotions after 10 attempts. I can 't take any more. X x 


Sending big hugs to everyone. Rach x x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Oh Rach... Hugs lovie! Xxxx 
Still a chance is a chance!!!!


----------



## Michimoo

Oh Rach. Big hugs sweetie.  
I'm sure Penny covers all angles but I'm on Viagra to improve my lining. Is this something she prescribes?
Yes I know! Viagra!!!! But apparently it pumps blood to the uterus I guess the same way it pumps blood to the   on a man!


----------



## Rach76

Thanks mich but I'm already on that. I use vagina Viagra from John Bowen. X


----------



## Michimoo

I have everything crossed for you xxxx


----------



## Rach76

Bless you mich x x x I have my fingers firmly crossed for you too. X x


----------



## Jules18080

Hi all haven't been here for ages and sorry for lack of personals it's hard on your phone. So here I go again round 6 with a frozen cycle followed by a plan of antibiotics, steroids and intralipids! EC on Monday 30 follies, 9 collected and 6 still going... I'm the size of a house and think I have mild ohss .

Wish you all loads of happy Easter times!!! Xxxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Rach... When is transfer likely to be?
Michimoo.... How's operation follie growing going today? 
Jules ... Are you going day 3 or day 5? 

Love to everyone else
Xxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi brumbar hope you are enjoying being Pupo. X x my transfer is sat.


----------



## Michimoo

Operation follie is going pants! The Dr called me yesterday to say Mr T is worried that DH isn't home until Mon as they might trigger me today! Wtf? 2 days earlier than any of my other times. This won't give time for the RHS to catch up. Grrrr
I have a scan this morning so will find out more today!


----------



## Rach76

Best of Luck with the scan today mich-thinking of you. Why ain't our cycles ever straight forwards!!!!!!!


----------



## Jules18080

Hi lucky going day 5 as all 6 were strong and if they don't make day 5 this side they wouldn't post defrost so have all by bits crossed


----------



## Jules18080

Good luck Mitch!


----------



## Michimoo

Well what a turn of events today was!!! I had a scan this morning & they only saw 4 good sized follies. The Dr said my largest was at 19mm & to expect to trigger tonight. I said what about the couple of smaller follies & he dismissed them telling me it was too late to get them to catch up.
I was told to have second bloods & come for a second scan at 1:30pm.
I went for my second scan & who opens the door but the infamous Mr T himself! I felt very honoured. He was lovely & he scanned me & said nope your not ready yet I want those two to try & catch up. I said but your other Dr told me they won't. He replied " that's why I am the Boss! "  
I feel a massive sense of calm now.
Just got home & am pooped. So might have to have a little zzzzzz


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Woooohoooo!
Zzzzz sounds like a good plan to me!

Rach, thinking of you tomorrow! 
I'll be flying home tomorrow evening so need to catch some rays in the morning 

Love to all


----------



## Rach76

That's brilliant news michimoo. The boss knows best!

Save journey home tomorrow lucky b x x 

Hope you get fab embies jules. X


----------



## Rach76

R u doing hcg booster shots Brumber? Was thinking bout doing them. My embies in my crappy womb need all the help they can get. What you think? X


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Yes i am taking them Rach
I don't think they can hurt ... Makes it difficult to read the early tests if you are a poas addict but they should be pretty much out on pee sticks  by 13dpEC ... That is  if you take the last one (1500iu shot) on day 9 pEC .  I did mine 5,7, 9 dpEC so for you - day of transfer, two days later and then again two days later. 
I tested the 10000 trigger out in 6.5 days on 10miu strips. So this one should be out much quicker! At 45 hrs today the line was faint... 
Just ask Penny 
X


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Safe flight Brumbar with your precious cargo  

Michi - what a cute story, rest up

Jules - have everything crossed  

Happy easter, ladies

Lil' one


----------



## bethholm

Thinking and praying for all the wonderful wonderful ladies cycling at the moment.

Much love.

B xxx


----------



## Jules18080

Great news michimoo!!!! 

Brumbar safe journey 

Happy Easter lil one xxx

Don't think I'm going to sleep tonight feel like its test day!


----------



## Rach76

Thanks brumbar for the info i will talk to penny about them tomorrow. x 

Thanks Beth. Sending love your way to you and the little one. X 

Is you transfer tomorrow jules?


----------



## Jules18080

Thanks Rach x no it's my day 5 emby update I have to freeze so I can take steroids and antibiotics before they can go back x


----------



## Rach76

Ahhhhh I see. Well fingers crossed for you you have some fab embies tomorrow to freeze jules. X


----------



## Michimoo

Have everything crossed for you Jules 

Good luck tomorrow Rach will be thinking of you

Lucky B - bring that sunshine back with you plz?

Beth- thank you sweetheart big hugs

Lil one - happy Easter

Sl4E - hope you're ok?

Hi Rory, Squirrel, Katie, mrs P & anyone ekse I've missed.


----------



## Jules18080

Thanks all xxxx


----------



## bethholm

Girls,you wouldn't believe how much we are all rooting for you on here.Keep the faith ladies even though I know how difficult that is.

Much much love to you all.

B xxx


----------



## Jules18080

So got the call and feel low  no blasto yet one os one stage before and two are the stage before that and the other three are still going. Call tomorrow and no blasto no freeze and its over before it started .... This is no fun!!!!


Hope all is ok with everyone x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello my lovelies,
I'm reading every day and    hard for the current cyclers, and sending   to those who need them. Counting down the minutes til midnight when I can eat chocolate again!!!!!
I'm ok, thankful for every day of hope, 1st scan is 9th April.
Mich, how fortunate the big boss walked in at the right moment.
Jules,    for your embies to keep going for you.
Lucky B, safe journey home 
Rach, wishing with all my heart your nest is ready
Lil One, it doesn't solve everything, but I've always found that a good helping of chocolate and white zinfandel gives a nice lift   
Beth   
 Rory, Katie, Squirrel and everyone.
Happy Easter xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi sl4e - glad you r doing well. So nice to hear from you.

Jules-praying your embies are getting there.

Mich-how's you doing today?

Lucky b- r u home in the cold yet. So hot here today-22degrees x,

A big hi to everyone else.

Well I am technically PUPO with three OK blasts in an OK uterus ( as penny says) so maybe one of them will develop into an OK baby? She says both embies  and uterus are far from perfect but at least they defrosted I suppose.  Persuaded her to give me hcg shots as well so that was a bonus. Had lovely acupuncture session. That man is fabulous! Penny is such a sweet lovely woman. Was telling me today how I give her nightmares with all my problems and that she has thought of a plan for next time if it does not work. Bless her. So am gonna try and forget about it all now and chilax x x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Oh no Jules! But they are still groinh right.. Day 6 blasys are also ok! 
Mich, are you triggering tonight? 

Welcome to pupo land RAch!!!! Yay!!!! 

I'm still waiting to board the flight... Sat in the lounge looking at the bar and drinking water! Got some sun  earlier today! 

Anyway i managed again to have not one but two orgasms in my sleep this time!!! Hope i've not damaged the embies. 
Xxx

Thank you Beth and SL4E and all othe lovelies for your prayers and wellwishes... 
X


----------



## Jules18080

Lucky I am so jealous!!!!! 

Thanks yes they are and I'm now trying to remain positive but realistic! It's my bros birthday tomorrow so don't want to be a mess x

Rach yeah!!!
Mitch good luck xxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Stop rubbing it in with the sun comments you two!  
Lucky B - hope its in your suitcase?
Rach - yey on being pupo !
Jules - your embies will be fine I can feel it.
Sl4e - your first scan will be amazing!

No trigger for me tonight but another massive 600iu boost. Maybe tomorrow, who knows!?


----------



## longtimewaiting

Million tons of luck to those cycling at the mo xxx

SL4E - glad to hear its going well, pl pop in and update us on the 9th xxx

Ps Will sort posting books next week.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Happy Easter Ladies! Hope you are all OK... 

Jules, what's the update? 
Rach, when are you flying home hun? 
Michi,  mr.T know's best hun! 

I have no bloody symptoms so panicking like crazy....   i just so want this to work!!!!! 
X


----------



## bethholm

LB- I never had any symptoms and kept reading on other threads how women had loads of them but it's simply a fact that not all women do have them and it has still worked...Praying that all the consultants and especially dearest Peny has worked their magic.

B xxx


----------



## Jules18080

Hi lovelies just had the call and 3 blastos in the freezer so happy!!!

Mitch are you triggering tonight? 
Lucky ie read plenty that haven't and got a bfp have it all crossed for you x

Big hugs to you all x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Wow! 3 blastos! You go girlie!!!! 

That's encouraging ladies! 
It's just Penny kept asking "have you got any twinges, cramping etc" and i have nada!!!!  hope i'm one of the symptomless ones 

I'm also on the hcg boosters and even they don't give me any symptoms! 
Mitch? How is it going hun?

Xxx


----------



## bethholm

Brumbar- I too was on the hcg shots and felt nothing.Hang on in there- we are here for you.

B xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Thanks Beth! X


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone.

Jules-three blasts is fantastic so pleased for you x 

Lucky b-just got to my mums. Dp picking me up tomorrow. Will be nice to get home and in my own bed with my mogs. X hold in there girl. Is gonna work for you this time. I can feel it in the air. X x sending big hugs your way. X x

Michimoo- how's things gong with you Hun ? Hoping everything is good and well.

Afm- I ' m ok. Feeling a bit down today. It has been such a difficult emotional cycle I feel really drained. Bloody progesterone making me really bloated. I look like I have put on two stone and am five months pg! So not a good look! Praying a miracle will happen and it will be all worth it. 

Hi ltw-not long now x 

Beth-thanks for all your kind words of support.

Rach x x


----------



## Michimoo

Wow 3 blasts well done Jules

Ltw - nearly there.

Rach -glad your nearly home. All will be fine Hun  

Lucky B - I've know many people not feel anything & it's all been ok.

Sl4e - I could so do with some Zinfandel right now.

Beth & lil one - hope your both well & enjoying Easter?

Ladies I've just become fricking intolerant to milk/whey every time I take it my face blows up & I get a rash all over my body! I had to call the emergency line & they have told me to quickly take antihistamine.
This started last night & wasn't sure what it was. Then I had a whey bar in the clinic & my eye swelled. The dr told me to just drink milk instead so I came home had a pint of skimmed milk & went to sleep for half an hour to wake up with one eye totally swollen & my lips numb. I looked like Lesley Ash!   all over my body was this red rash like measles.  
Flipping eck this is a nightmare!
No trigger tonight maybe tomorrow.
It's calming down now a bit. Thank God!


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Rach welcome home ( ish) hun! Snuggle safe precious cargo! 

My tummy is also bloated... Penny thought i have mild OhSS but it can't be as i was on letrosole pretty much until trigger so it's probably the progesterone!   i don't mind  it whatever it is - as long as i get that long awaited BFP! 

Xxx
Mitchi... Ouch! bugger ... But if you are on gluten/lactose free it can only be good for your TNF!

Goats milk and almond milk should be fine i think


----------



## Jules18080

Thanks all x lucky how are you holding up?

Rach big hugs this is the worst kind of emotional roller caster ever xxxx 
Mich you are going through the mills how are you now?!

Weighed myself and from first injection to EC and today I've ur n 13 pounds!!!! Diet starts tomorrow I look like a bowling ball!!! 

Night all x


----------



## Michimoo

I'm quite scared actually ladies. Thought I was going to have to call an ambulance! 
My tongue is still swollen, I have a terrible sore throat & my heart keeps pounding. I just feel very unwell.
I triggered last night & I'm going to see my GP today hopefully.
I'm worried about going under anaesthetic tomorrow.
M
x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Michimoo - get yourself to A&E hun! Hope everything OK, swollen tongue not good xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Bugger! Hope you are well Michi! X
Michi , penny told my fridnd she'll get 4-5 eggs- they pulled out 14 today 

I need to be put in a straight jacket or hospitalised in a mental institution! 
No symptoms no cramping not twitching no sausage!  Surely if  an embryo has implanted it would cause some twitching or something? Unless it is a 007 ?! Lol

All I've done for tge last 3 days is google " BFP no cramping" and simmilar!  Beth's lovely comments helped a lot and i see a lot of ladies have had BFPs with nothing much to report but with my track record.... 

Sigh....


----------



## pinkpixie

Brumbar I can honestly say I had no symptoms on my last go on all the others I had some symptoms pains sore boobs etc but last one there was nothing so never even vaguely thought it was a positive.  Will keep everything crossed for you xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Thanks for your post pinkpixie! 
One breath at a time  here... Sigh
Xxx
Michi how are you?
Rach? 
Xxx


----------



## susie76

Brumbar, sorry I have been a lurker on this thread but never posted.  Have a look at my signature, no symptoms whatsoever, felt just like all the others.  Lucky number 8...?  Will keep fingers crossed for you.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Suzie ... Really helpful 

And congratulations !!!!! 

Xxxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi Brumber. Hope you are ok. I have no symptoms either x x  I just feel real tired but I know the oestrogen does that to me. X 

How r you doing Michi. What did the doctor say. Best of luck for ec.

A big hug to everyone else.

I'm ok. Just really down. Trying to work out if i can go through this all again if this one does not work out. Have slowly put the house back together today after dp being here alone for a week. A mans example of clean and tidy is so not the same as a woman's!  

Rach x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Right, this  must be a good sign: 
I'm so bloated ( prob look 5 months pregnant) that a lady on the train offered me a seat! I declined but boy, did  it feel good! 


Rach hope the 2ww is kind to you...


----------



## Michimoo

Hi ladies,

Brumbar - I have everything crossed for you. It's a good sign I'm sure.

Rach - I know how you feel about thinking about going through all this again! I'm sending sticky vibes. 

Suzie - congrats

Sl4e - I went to see my GP in the end.

Afm - I'm taking antihistamine like its going out of fashion. I'm nil by mouth as of midnight tonight. My GP thinks I've had an allergic reaction to one of the drugs but as I'm on so many it's hard to tell what. She is referring me to an allergy specialist but that will takes weeks! For the time being I'm to stay off milk then try & slowly add it back in my diet.
She said I can't stay off milk forever. She did say that if I start swelling again I need to take antihistamine straight away & dial 999! Pretty scary stuff!

I'm really scared about EC tomorrow & if I'm going to wake up. I did say to DH that if this one doesn't work I'm too scared to put my body through this again after what has happened that I might just have to go for DE whether I like it or not!  

Just keep everything crossed that:-
A) I wake up from the anaesthetic
B) they get a load of good quality eggs
C) they all fertilise.

M
Xxxx


----------



## rory2011

Good luck for today michi xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Thinking of you today michi! 
Xxx


----------



## bethholm

Michi- thinking of you my lovely.

B xxx


----------



## Rach76

Good luck michimoo. X x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning, lovelies   
Michi - thinking of you today, and hoping that you get all three (A-C)   
Brumbar, Jules & Rach - hope you're ok, symptoms mean nothing either way,    that you all get the news you deserve
Hi Beth   
Susie - have been following your story on another thread, great result   
Hi to everyone else
AFM - the plan today is...........have endo scratch in a couple of weeks, then do natural (modified ) cycle at current clinic whilst having first appt at ARGC with a view to a cycle with them if the natural one fails.
It's so sad that we always have a plan a,b and c.......as if we know that a and b won't work   .  Have been shouting at the tv regularly re those poor little ones in the house fire................so many kinds of unfair for so many people in that tale   
Re the scratch, my clinic say i should have someone to take me home after, but i'm not having any sedation etc, so hoping to drive myself, what do you think ladies?
Lil' one


----------



## Rach76

Hi all

Hi lil'one- sounds like a good plan to me. Can't help you with the advice on the scratch tho........ As it is probably the one thing I have not had! 

Afm- am feeling really ill today. Think I must have Picked up a bug.  My throat feels like I have eaten razor blades and am really bunged up. You would think with all the anti b's I'm on it would have kept the gems at bay. Feeling really sorry for myself. It's hard enough for me to get pg as it is without my body having to deal with some kind of bug as well. It just seems to be one thing after another with this cycle. Do you think someone is trying to tell me something- like I am not meant to have children so should just give up? Why is everything so god dam difficult? I think I have only had one cycle out of ten when  it actually went smoothly And that still resulted in a bfn! Thanks for listening to my rant.

Rach x


----------



## rory2011

Lil one my scratch wasn't too bad and probably could have driven home but dh had driven. It wasn't too painful just like having a smear but then Having period pains during/after the scratch. 
Rach and brumbar fx this is the one that works and stays put for the next 8 months! 

Hello to everyone else thinking of you all xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One, I had a scratch before this cycle, it worked for me! Didn't hurt, very similar to ET just a slightly thicker catheter then a kind of 'pulling' sensation. DH had driven me too, as I hate driving, but i would have been fine getting the bus home after.
Rach, i had a sore throat during the 2ww, so don't panic, it may be a good sign?
Lucky B, I googled the symptoms too   , week 1 - nothing apart from the sore throat, which I blamed on the other sneezy passengers on plane home, then second part of week 2 I had really bad back pain, which usually meant AF was on her way, but when I was sick, I thought maybe, just maybe...
Mich, hope all went well today   
Love and    everyone


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Morning ladies! 
How is it going today? I'm still insane but that's to be expected...  

Michi, how did it go hun? 
Rach, are you surviving hun? X

Love to all! 
X


----------



## Rach76

Hi brumbar, well I am loosing the plot big time!!!!! It doesn't help that I am really ill with some sort of throat thingy. Am worried it is gonna wreak this whole cycle and screw up my immunes.  Am worried about work, can't get a doctors appointment and am struggling to get some more gcsf injections but apart from that I am fine and dandy! Lol hoping you are ok. 

How are you mich? Hoping it all went well.

Rach x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Awwww .... Braverman told me a cold should't be a problem... 
I lost the plot at 10dp ok more like 11 dpEC... 
What's with the gscf hun? I got mine from ASDA...


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Michi, hope you are OK? 
Rach... Did you sort out the meds? 

Love to all! 
LuckyB
Xxx


----------



## rory2011

Lucky brumbar and rach when are your otd's?  I really hope that you get good news....it is about time! 
Michi...hope all is ok
Sl4e... How is it going? Have you had a scan yet?
Lil one, hope things are getting better now you have a plan for next cycle.

Beth and pink pixie,  you give us hope that it does work...eventually! 

Hello to everyone else...
Afm, af has finally turned up after hysto, so will now try naturally for a few months. I am hoping that the hysto has cleared out the main prob but as our immunes showed issues too I am not so sure we should try au natrelle for 6 mths as penny suggested or just go for 3 instead. Either way my head is not in the right place to go for a cycle at the mo....I am sure it will work out in the end!


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Hoping everyone is OK.

Rory-best of luck with the natural trying for the next few months. You never know maybe a rest from of the ivf will do the trick. 

Michi,  really hoping you are ok.

How are you doing today brumbar ?still loosing the plot? Not long now. Am sorting my meds with Asda.

Afm- woke up with terrible back ache this morning. It is kind of the sciatica type with the pain being in the centre of my lower back as well as in my pelvis and moving down my legs. Am continplating taking some paracetamol's in a minute as it really is hurting now. For me this is a very normal sign that af is on its way so am sat here trying to plan the next last and final cycle to take my mind off it. I just want this cycle all over and done with now.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Rory!!!  Hope old style BD does it hun!!!  
Rach, sweetie girl, pls don't loose hope yet! 

Michi... Where are you hun? Hope all is well? 

AFM... All your prayers ladies ... They... Hmmm
Ok I have a confession to make... 
I've been at the pee sticks again! Tested from 3 hrs from trigger- that's right 3 hours! And then through the boosters...
And i never lost the line. Figured out around 12dp that it must be the real deal... After comparing lines for hours and going mental i decided to crack open some CB with conception indicators which showed Pregnant 1-2 
I hope this explains why i have been calmer yesterday!

Anyway 14Dp EC today and beta is 40! 
Not sure if i should be excited or not as i'm so scared of loosing precious BOB!  Do any of you veteran graduates know if 40 is an ok level? I'll go to retest on Monday but for now... Worried.com again!!!  

Love to all
Lucky Pregnant ( and even more petrified!) Brumbar

Xxx


----------



## rory2011

Yeah...lucky b....hope this little one is a sticky one and you have tested a wee bit early and that's why the levels are a bit low...but at least you have a level!! Hope Monday brings a much higher level xx


----------



## Rach76

Lucky b, that's fantastic news Hun. So pleased for you. Praying your level is higher on Monday. X x x x


----------



## bethholm

If you are 40 now with 3 days to go to OTD and it's not HCG shots leaving your body, then we will keep saying the prayers so that they continue to rise...
B xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

All prayers welcome!!!! 
)))


----------



## pinkpixie

Brumbar keeping everything crossed for you I think the important thing is that they rise so hopefully Monday will bring good news xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Wonderful, Brumbar
So happy for you  
Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

for you Lucky B, that you'll have a fab number on Monday!
Rach, I had crippling backache too, so don't give up hope just yet   
Rory, you never know, the old-fashioned way might just work   
Lil One   
Michimoo, hope all's well with you
Hi Beth and Pinkpixie,
AFM, scan booked for tuesday morning, and I'm petrified - I'll pop back and let you know how it went xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Fantastic news Brumbar! Look forward to seeing those numbers doubling nicely xxx

Will be thinking of you SL4E on Tues xxx

Everything crossed for you both. 

Hi to everyone else, hope you're all doing ok xxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi all, I am sorry for crashing in and interrupting all the good news ( congrats, love to you all). I am also sorry for not being in touch then coming back to expect you to all help me . Please help  
How do you keep going? How do you keep getting back up when everything is against you? How do you keep trudging through the misery and watch everyone else around you finding things so easy? I havent got the strength today and I have had bad news after bad news after what seems like millions of pg announcements, and today I have broken. I have had it. Up to my ears. In fact higher than that. I have been lurking reading but not having the strength to post, because I have been in a kind of denial about how bad things are. I didnt quite know who to reach out to, and I am so very sorry for interrupting you all. 

A very sad pathetic squirrel   xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Oh Squirrel  
I am feeling very like you.......feeling angry that it's all so hard for us, when we would try so hard and be so happy if it happened for us  
I don't know what to say to make you feel better other than, I do know that feeling of despair.
We are getting to the end of this journey.
We are doing one natural, then probably argc for a cycle, and that's all we can do.
So   hard that it will work.
Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Squirrel,    never apologise for offloading here....after all it's the one place where we all understand those feelings. I've been there many times, and  I don't have a magic answer. A lot of the time it was being very, very picky about the company I kept. Wearing 2 faces, one public, one private, and putting DH through hell calling all his female relatives whores cos a lot of the announcements came from that quarter. Even deliberately double-booking an engagement so that we could avoid a christening, not proud of that one but it had to be done. I've been on antidepressants for years, and there have been times when I needed to up the dose, and coped by just taking an hour at a time when  a whole day was too much.
look after yourself sweetheart, you are special, and important, and it just s***s that we have to face such heartache xx


----------



## Rach76

Squirrel sending you big hugs Hun. I know exactly where you are coming from. The journey gets harder and harder the longer it goes on.  To be honest I don't know how I manage to keep going on. I suppose I just do. However saying that I am in a very bad place at the moment trying to work out if I can actually go on any more.  Life seems to go on hold when you are going through all the treatment to reach that maximum goal of trying to have children. It's hard to deal with work and life in general. I suppose the way I do it is to always have a plan. I work better if I have a plan. As well as a support network to get you through. But it is so so so difficult and basically infertility just sucks!!!!  Especially when the rest of the population seems to get knocked up by just looking at each other!  

Sl4e-how are you my love. Can't believe your first scan is next week. That came round so quickly. I'm sure everything will be fine and dandy. 

Afm-I am sooooo ill. Got this horrid cold bug so am feeling dreadful. Really not helping my mental attitude. But I am trying everyday to have one positive thought. Have been making a plan for my next cycle(if I need it)  as it is the only way I cope. If i decide to do another cycle that is. decisions decisions. My thoughts are if I have a plan and this cycle does not work I have clear thoughts on what I am doing next and that way I don't have enough time to completely loose my mind in between cycles. But t is so difficult with getting time off work and everything. My problem now is that after 10 cycles can I really do it all over again? And then there is the money issue too. 

A big hello to all the other lovely ladies out there 

Rach x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Feeling for you all. This is just what this thread is for, posting with people who really understand what it's like. It's a terrible thing to go thru and only people who've been there have any idea of the toll it takes. I've lost friends, my career, almost ruined my relationship with DH, cried every day for months, had to take antidepressants. Don't be too hard on yourself, accept its c**p and its ok to feel miserable. I'm far from religious but I pray you each get there. Whatever happens you will all be stronger, kinder people. 

Love to you all xxxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Thank you so much girls, I really needed to know I wasnt alone. 
Lil'one - i wish so much for you that your plan comes together and you get your dream. Thank you for making me feel like I am not alone and for posting to me straight away, it means a lot and i hope i can support you in the future xx
Seemslike4eva - good luck for your scan, and thank you for posting so honestly. I use the migraine excuse so much, and the double face and putting dh through hell rings so true for me.  . I always feel like such a b**ch but hearing your views makes me smile wryly and feel grateful that you also feel the way I do. Hour at a time sounds like great advice, another wonderful friend gave me that advice ages ago and I always forget. Thank you for saying I am important. I either dont think i am or i forget. Your story and success gives me hope xx
Rach - i think you have hit the nail on the head about having a plan. I dont, and limbo land is a bad bad place. Your mind just runs off with scenario after scenario, well mine does. Support network too, I have been really guilty of lurking and not posting on FF, because of various reasons. It is naughty to expect support and not give it back, so I need to be there for others too. I hope your new plan comes together, and we can find some strength together. Sending vit c and hot water bottle and lemsip for your evil cold. Thank you for posting and being so kind xx
Longtimewaiting - thank you for your post and for saying it is ok to feel like this. I always beat myself up for not coping and being so weak. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Keep praying and hope all well your end xx

So very sorry to everyone I havent read back over posts. I hope i can catch up on news as i go along. Sorry again for bringing a downer to the thread.

Aaah, need to work on the amount of times i say sorry. Think the witch is about to clobber me tonight just to top it all off. Wine, chocolate, peel myself out of bed time. A slightly calmer squirrel xxxxx


----------



## bethholm

Squirrel- NEVER apologise for sounding off on here or for not posting for a while.That what makes this THE best thread on FF as we are all sadly veterans of multiple IVF BFNs and understand the need for absences and also the need to sound off. 

I always found that the only way of coping with each failed cycle was to plan my next one (often during my current one when I had responded badly or only had one viable embie put back in) or to just shut down my emotions and push forward.I always likened it to going over the top in the trenches- you get hit,fall down and then get up and again to run and get shot at again and fall again and so on. You have to be quite bloody minded to be a multiple veteran of BFNs.I come from a long line of bloody minded women and I always thought that something good must come out of it and at the end of the day, it had to work to make all the pain I had put myself through both physical and mental, worth it.

In a way, this bloody mindness and shut down of emotions has caused me to become quite hard- I did not feel an overwhelming wave of love when William was born - it was sheer relief after 4 years of TTC, 8 IVFs, 4MCs, countless procedures and operations and over 1400 injections.It was literally ticking the box of completing the pregnancy after sheer hell. I love him with all my heart and he's the most precious thing in my life but I am almost too scared to love him utterly in case I lose him and then I will have to also face mentally what I have put myself through.It has come at this huge cost, but it was worth it. Maybe I am in the minority for feeling this way but I was told that this is often the result of IVF (let alone many multiples!!!) and I suppose we have had to become quite clinical in order to cope.  Many women who have not had multiple (and I mean multiple!) rounds of IVF will not understand what we put ourselves through (mentally as well as physically).Those who decide it is the end of the road I feel are often braver than the those of us who continue- but I do feel the need to again post one of my favourite quotes- 

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'."

SL4- praying for you that all goes well on Tuesday.

AFM- William's christening tomorrow.I know that this will be one occasion where I will let my guard down and my hard facade and probably cry through the entire service. My faith (albeit a very quiet one that I do not really talk about as it is so personal to me) has also kept me going in all of this.Hold on to whatever keeps you going ladies and also you have to have hope that it WILL work eventually.Hold on to that ladies and together with all the ladies on this thread, we will help each other get there. 

B xxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone.

I really need some advice ladies....... I am still really ill with some sort of head cold bug thingy and I just can't shift it. I am really hot, snotty, dizzy, feel weak, and generally so unwell. I have been trying to rest as much as possible and have not taken any medication as I am taking so much for this cycle but I have had it for five days now and it is not getting any better. Today I feel so bad I don't think I can even get out of bed. I don't want to go to the doctors because I can't see they can do anything to help. Anyone got any natural suggestions on how to get rid of it? 

Each x


----------



## squirrel2010

Beth - thank you very very much for all your advice and thoughts. I especially like the quote. I will try that tomorrow. All the very best for your christening xx
Rach - sounds awful, I reckon doc would be able to help and at least advise on medications which wont interact? Paracetamol to take temp down? Vitamins, soup, nutrition is so important as well as hydration...cold flannels on your forehead? Doc appt tomorrow? Hugs xx

Happy Sunday to all and may today be better than yesterday for all xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach, i agree with Squirrel, take some paracetamol, it won't do any harm, and will reduce your temp. Also plenty of fluid, I find ice lollies quite helpful., as they just seem to slip down.
Beth, thought of you this morning, a friend brought his 13 week old boy to church for the 1st time, hope it's a truly wonderful day for you, DP & William.
Glad to see you, Squirrel, and yes, my day does feel better than yesterday   
Lots of love to everyone xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Rach, i took paracetamol when i had the cold around trigger.. Penny told me to take 4,5 g vit c and loads of o juice too


Beth, hope you had a great day today!!! 

Sl4e hi hun! Hope all is well! 
Hi squirel! 
Any news from Michi ladies? 

AFM... Had a terrible day yesterday ... Spent the day googling BFP with low beta and beta levels un general... Hoping BoB just implanted late! 
Retest tomorrow but mum also has to go in for a surgery so i will be stressing anout her too. I'm going with her for the surgery.

Love
LPB 
Xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Brumbar - wishing you and your mum all the best for tomorrow xx


----------



## Rach76

Bruner-hoping and praying everything goes well for you today. X x x

Afm- game over I think. Tested today at 9dp day 5 transfer and it was a very very big negative. Am gutted but was kind of expecting it as this cycle has been such a nightmare. I know OTD is not until thursday but really can't see things changing. The test was 10m sensitive! So what to do next?  I've got a crappy womb and only ok eggs! Adhesions that grow back ever two months. Is it ever gonna work? 

Sorry for the me post but I am an emotional wreak and so confused as what to do next. 

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Oh Rach,    hang on another couple of days - is a blood test an option?
Lucky B, hope mum's op went well, and you're Ok x


----------



## Rach76

Hi sl4e- it is really hard to get blood tests here. And the test was 10mil sensitive so I don't think it will make much difference . Thanks for your support tho. 

I feel so alone today and dp is not helping! I just don't know what to do next. I always thought it was my uterus that was the problem (which it is-adhesions grow back every two to three months) but now I know my embryos were only ok ( not excellent- as penny would say) so maybe the mixture of the rubbish uterus and only ok embryos is the problem? So do I do another cycle with my own eggs? ( I have got loads in my overies by the way but only ever seem to get OK blasts) or do I opt for DE and hope that the younger stronger blasts are so good they manage to attach to my rubbish lining anyway? What do you guys think? I am so tired of all the cycles I am emotionally and financially drained. Money is running out. But I am also not sure I am ready to give up my own eggs as I still have so many left. Or is it time to forget about me having a child altogether and think about surrogacy? I am just so confused. 

Rach x


----------



## Rach76

Sl4e-forgot to say best of luck for tomorrow x x x


----------



## bethholm

Rach - speaking from experience, if you don't know if you are ready or not for DE then you're not ready.You will know when you are.Saying that, I too, after 6 rounds of IVF, intralipds galore, LIT,hysto, lap and dye etc I mentally nor physically could face cycling on my OE any more so I do understand.What I can say however Rach is that when I look at William, he's 100% my son.Let me know if you want any info on epigenetics as that helped me get my head around the whole DE thing.Also, I know many many women who tested early,got a negative and then got a surprise in OTD.Don't give up yet my lovely but have a plan in plCe as a safety net (like I did to help me) just in case.

Much love

B xxx


----------



## Michimoo

I'm back ...................


----------



## Michimoo

Sorry ladies,

I have TOTALLY avoided google/********/FF as its been a flipping roller coaster & I'm still flipping on it!!!!
I'm so sorry to of done this to you all but I was a stressed mess. I did think about you all thou.  
Lets update you on my Eastenders saga story so far ........ 
1) told to stay off milk/whey due to unknown allergic reaction
2) EC had to give me a different aesthetic & had antihistamine ready just in case.
3) I came back round. (Yey)
4) they got 9 eggs!! OMG!
5) all the nurses had some type of flu (not happy!)
6) 8 were mature! OMG!
7) 8 fertilised! I cried when told.
8/ day 2 - 4 at 2-cell 4 at 4-cell
9) day 3 - 4 at 3/4-cell 4 at 8 cell perfect no fragmentation! (Never had an 8-cell in my life!) However .... They wanted to do a split transfer & have one put back on day 3 so could I come in now? Get to the clinic to do ET & they had started to go backwards. One had reverted back to a 6-cell 2 8-cells were fragmenting & they put the best 8-cell back.
10) today is day 5. We went up for 7:30am bloods. Then had a call at 8:30am to say that 2 were still at Morula stage so they will recheck at midday & call. It got to 13:30pm & they said they still haven't moved so they can't decide which one to go back in. Can I come back tomorrow at 9am!!!!!!! Day 6 ..... WTF?

So that's where I'm at. 
Yes this is the best result I've had so far, but I'm kicking myself that I didn't insist on them putting one back today.
I'm so scared that ill get told when I turn up at the clinic that they've stopped all together. I said to the embryologist " I will get to have one put back tomorrow though wont I? & she replied " we hope so!"


I now have a sore throat & sniffly nose thanks to the sickly nurses & will not sleep a wink tonight.

Now to catch up with all your news. I'll get a pad & make notes & catch up with you all.

Love to you all ladies.

Xxxxxxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Thanks rach - I have never been so scared about anything as I am about tomorrow.
Mich, glad you're still with us, but what a total nightmare week.    the embies behave overnight
   everyone xx


----------



## Rach76

Thank you so much for your reply Beth it has helped a lot.

So glad you are back michimoo. Was really getting worried about you. Praying everything goes well for you tomorrow. X


----------



## bethholm

Michimoo,SL4V- praying for both of you tomorrow. ET day is always a worry (an understatement!) and as a poor responder, I dreaded it, worried sick that there would be at least 2 to put back in (but then only had one so then I prayed I'd have at least one after that!!!!) With regards to scans, I've been physically ill the night before and the day of the scan and have always been like that.I've never understood women who've said how excited they were for their scans! Even up to LO being born, I've had a cry before each one and refused to look at the screen until DH has told me it was ok.Will be thinking of you both tomorrow.CUTO!

Rach- hang on in there my lovely. Sending you massive massive virtual hugs.

AFM- had a good chat tonight (oiled by wine!) with my MIL re my IVF 'journey.' She said it wasn't until she saw a woman on This Morning talking about her IVF experiences that my MIL realised what I might have been going through as all the phrases and feelings I had said I had felt or said were exactly the same as this other lady and she then and only then realised what I felt was actually normal for someone with infertility issues and could understand to some extent what I went through. I still got quite emotional talking to her about it too.The whole point of me telling you this is that although it did eventually work for me, I still feel the pain and rawness of it all and can therefore totally understand still at the end of the day, what you are going through and this is why ladies, unless you want rid of me, I will totally be there for you all until you all get there , offering you a virtual hug across the miles and more importantly, hope.

Much much love
B xxx


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Beth - looking forward to seeing you and William on Fri x 

Rach - I know moving on to DE for Beth was something she was sure about but I don't think it always feels like that. There was a veteran on here ages and ages ago who really struggled with it her whole pregnancy but all her worries disappeared when the baby arrived. We really struggled with decisions about DS. So I guess sometimes you know you're ready for donor and sometimes you don't but you do it anyway. Feeling for you with very difficult decisions ahead x 

Michimoo - hope you have a lovely blast on board now x 

SL4E - thinking of you. I was like Beth with scans, so terrified I made myself ill! X 

Brumbar - hope your bloods are looking good, try not to stress about he numbers, it's the doubling that matters x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

In a meeting at work so v quickly

Rach... Hugs honey. I'll send you the details for Braverman in a text
Michi! You little egg farmer! Nothing wrong with day 6 blast

My beta yesterday (17DPEC) was 131.1 ( THANK YOU GOD!) so doubling time 42hrs but we need it to keep going up! Will retest again! 

Beth - you are an angel
Ltw and sl4e.. Hi ladies! Sl4e thinking of you today

Hi to everyone else! 
Xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lucky Brum, woohoo!
Quick update from me - all good, one baby with a heartbeat. Got to re-scan in 2 weeks as ?twin hiding in there, lovely midwife kept seeing something but view obscured by bowel gas. off to seaside to chill (literally!) for a few days, back at weekend, keeping you all in my prayers xx


----------



## Rach76

Sl4e-that is fantastic news congrats x x x and you may be having twins. Brilliant. X x x so pleased for you.you so deserve it. Have a nice relaxing rest of the day.


----------



## longtimewaiting

Fantastic news Brumbar and SL4E! So pleased for you both xxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Beth - of course we don't want you to go anywhere. You are a wonderful support.
Rach - I'm so sorry to see your news. I really had high hopes. I'm totally understanding how you feel about DE. 
Lucky B - whoop whoop to the doubling . 
Sl4e - that's amazing news. Twinnies??
LTW - big hugs
Hi to everyone else.

Afm - it's a sh*t state as I expected!
All had arrested/ started to disintegrate.
There was one that had moved onto a cultivated morula but still not blasto & did I want it put back in?
Hell yeah! I'd been stuck in traffic for 2 hours to get there!

So I had a little   on the way home & DH told me off & pull myself together & stop being so negative!

The embryologist called at midday to advise that I need to start taking Gestone as of this evening & whilst she was on the phone I decided to ask a question that was playing on my mind.
I said " why would embryos be grade A on the morning of day 3 then start to fragment & deteriorate?"
She said it normally indicates a sperm issue!
Wow that was a shocker as I've always considered me to be the problem. I've talked & considered DE & even looked at profiles online.
However this is completely new news. I told my DH & he's gone mental saying he's had all the tests & he's fine. So she doesn't know what she's talking about!
I feel really confused & annoyed as DH won't accept that he could have an issue. I don't think he will consider DS but was happy for me to have DE! 
I'm not a happy bunny.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Oh Michi! 
A cavitating morula is a cavitating morula and that's good! PUPO lady!!! 

Re sperm: 
On our second cycle we had 11 embies ( mostly grade 1) by day 5 we had a... 2BB blasto and a cavitating morula
We were also told sperm issues so i started looking into it!
We had DH's prostate checked and everything
Eventually  after many months of antibiotics and high dose antioxidants ( pycofenol, reservatrol (500) 1mg  vit C + 1mg vitE, etc) they improved and so did our blast statisics

  How are  you doing Rach? Xxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone.

Michimoo-congrats on being PUPO. praying it works for you my lovely.

I am ok ish brumbar. Just very down and generally ****** off with everything. I just don't know what to do for the best really. Gotta wait until Thursday for my official OTD until I can speak to penny. But things are getting so hard now. I am running out of money and can't keep taking time off work. But then I also feel I have got to do what I have got to do to get my family. I think my main problem is my uterus. My lining is so crappy and rubbish. But I don't know what else I can do about it. I have had three hysteroscopies in the last 7 months. I am not sure what options I have left. I just want Thursday to hurry up and get here as I am fed up of taking all of these meds knowing it has not worked. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  How are you my pregnant lady? 

Rach x


----------



## fiona in welwyn gc

Hello ladies,


I do hope you don't mind me dropping in but I wanted to say a few words to Mich...


I have heard the day three rule before regarding sperm and in actual fact that is exactly what happened to me.  My DH does have some sperm issues i.e. poor morphology.  I had donor egg and out of 14 fertilised eggs, 8 good 8-cell on day three, we had two grade B blasts on day 5.  Same story each time.


We did have PICSI last time and we had our best result with 4 grade A hatching blasts plus two others out of 9 fertilised eggs.  I didn't get pregnant.  Sadly it looks like I was over suppressed with steroids.  Only reason I am telling you this is so that you don't think the PICSI didn't work.


I am not a doctor, but if this is your issue, and believe me, I know it ain't simple persuading the men, but this might be the underlying issue.  Would donor sperm IUI work


Anyway, I just wanted to offer my thoughts       


Fee
xx


----------



## rory2011

Hey ladies

Just catching up michi, glad to hear your are pupo and fx this is the cycle xx
Rach fx for a bfp tomorrow 
Yeah brumbar glad to hear your levels went up! 

Hey to everyone else xx


----------



## Rach76

As expected a BFN. I don't know why I bother any more I am obviously not meant to have children.


----------



## longtimewaiting

Rach - I'm so sorry, you've been thru such a lot, give yourself time to grieve in whatever way you need. Wish I could give you a real hug


----------



## Rach76

Thank you ltw. Not long for you now. How exciting. 

I'm ok. Had my cry at the beginning of the week when I knew it had not happened. Well have spoken to penny and she wants me to start again as soon as my period arrives so looks like I will be in Athens again next weekend! How nuts is that! 

A very big hi to everyone. 

Rach x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Oh Rach... So so sorry hun i know you expected it, but it still hurts... 

Glad Penny's got a plan for you! I'll be cheering you all the way! Xxx and hugs


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi girls,

Congrats to all those with good news xx

Rach - you are so very strong, and to be going back to start again is admirable, and obviously means Penny has more plans and hope for you. That is a positive. I am so very sorry for this bfn, and wash your mouth out girl   - you are as much meant for children as the rest of us. You would and will be a wonderful mother, judging by your empathy, grit, determination and ability to cope with all you have been through. Pat yourself on the back, CUTO and go on fighting. Huge   xx

Michimoo - firstly, congrats, you are PUPO and no matter what you say, you have a chance  . What a tough journey. Just wanted to share with you, as I have to have DE and DH went merrily along with it. We had some disasters with embryos, and it wasnt until our 3rd cycle that they looked further into DH. Similar - in that his karyotype, FISH test, Semen analysis were all normal. Now it turns out after a special test in Spain, that 70% of his sperm will throw out abnormal embryos hence our chances of a normal embryo are so so low. He was gutted, mortified and I think furious and in denial because he didnt want to believe it was him too. He also didnt want to think I had been through so much and it was potentially a waste of time if there were male factor issues too. It was all about pride, and sadness, and luckily after a few days of mourning, he agreed we were both on a level playing field and we both had to accept the possibilty of DD if the PGD didnt work. Anyway, am babbling, but I believe give your dh time. Focus on your tww and if you dont get the result you want, be open to more investigations and tell dh you know how he feels as you have had to deal with DE for blinking ages! Take good care, here if you need us xx

LuckyBrum, LTW, SL4eva, Rory, Beth, everyone - thank you for being there and sending love to all xx

AFM, best friends x 2 pregnant, cousin pg with twins, twin pg again, incredibly easily without any effort.  . Xx


----------



## Michimoo

First of all Rach - I want to send you a big virtual   believe me I know how you feel as we all do on here. That's why you should know that we are here for you. It's doesn't matter if you were expecting it. That big fat single line on a pee stick is still the worse thing ever. I've said to DH that if I didn't have a slither of hope it would work then I wouldn't put my body through all of this torture. Glad you can focus on the next stage so quickly.  

Lucky B - was it a cavitating Morula then? Pa ha ha   you'd think I know all the terms by now! How are the levels doing?

Fiona - thanks so much for your replying. I still think I have an egg quality issue as they tend to be granulated & are slow to divide up to day 3. This cycle was the best quality & quantity from my eggs. I don't normally get to day 5. What is PICSI & where do they do it?

Yes Rory & squirrel I guess I am currently PUPO & should embrace that.  
I've been on CKW (constant knicker watch) since yesterday as I've started to have AF cramps. To top it all I have a ginormous cold sore on my lip which has appeared from no where , sore throat & am sniffly! Hmmmmm those sickly nurses have a lot to answer for. I looked back at last cycle & I started bleeding day 7 which is tomorrow. With my cramps I'm a little worried.

This cycle has been an eye opener as I've always produced slow embies so only ever have 2 to put back on day 3, so in they pop to my womb. But the last 2 times they were still grade A's regardless of the division. However as they've been inside me I've never known how they continue to develop & this is now new evidence & would kinda make sense. If there is a sperm issue which hasn't been detecting then no wonder we aren't getting pg as the focus has always been on a process of elimination & ended up being me with the issue.

In the last 24 hours I have had 2 baby scans posted on **. One being my best friends wife who only tried for 1 month & the other was the woman I cycled with in Dec at ARGC. This was more of a blow as she announced the sex & the due date, which made me now realise that would've been the day mine would've been born.  

Hope everyone else is ok?

Lots of love ladies & I will try to avoid testing!  
Xxx


----------



## rory2011

Rach I am so sorry to hear about your bfn.   you will be a great mum, so don't ever think that you won't! 
At least you have a plan, I would say have a big glass of wine but seeing you're starting again so soon...perhaps not!

Michi, fx the embies will stick and hopefully you won't have to look into any sperm issues. I would say try to to kicker watch but I know it's impossible! 

Squirrel, it's hard isn't it...one of my friends always seems to end up getting pregnant around the time I have ivf, so there's always a reminder what may have been. 

Lucky b...when do you have your scan? 
Sl4e, lil one, Beth, ltw, Fiona and anyone else I have forgotten, hello and hope you are having a nice Thursday.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Just popping on to send   to rach.
At least you have a plan..... I always find that helps me.
Work is mad, hence quick post, will catch up properly at weekend.
Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach,   
Will try to get back on tomorrow to catch up properly


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. Hoping you are all ok. 

Michimoo-how's you doing my love? Hoping the 2ww is not driving you nuts! 

Well it's all go for me AGAIN! Started Stims  yesterday. Flying to Athens Friday. Am looking forwards to the lovely weather. And a bit of relaxation time. Going by myself this time and dp is joining me for a few days when he has to do ' his bit'   and actually looking forwards to being out there by myself. Hopefully will meet up with some fellow FF's. praying things go right this time! Come on its about time! Been through this so many times. Lucky number eleven here I come. ( trying to be positive) lol x

Rach x


----------



## Rach76

Forgot to say - thanks for all the lovely hugs you guys sent when I found out about the BFN. it really does mean the world to me. X x x


----------



## Kim01

Hi Rach,

Just like to say thank you so much for the infor you gave me re:hysteroscopy.  (So sorry about your recent BNF).  I so excited that you're starting stim again.  You are an amazingly strong lady.

All the best.  Take care now.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Wow Rach, good for you! Absolutely rooting for you sweetheart.
Lil One, hiya
Squirrel, we'd always known DH was our problem, but although I'm supposedly fine and had normal hormone levels, once we switched to DD, my DH was so much more positive and supportive. How lovely that you're now able to move forward together after the latest test results.
Michimoo, how are you doing? Hopefully nowhere near the test strips yet.
Just dropping in to let you know I'm reading, hoping and praying for my fantastic buddies on here xx


----------



## Michimoo

Melt down moment ...... Test date on Thurs & I wanted to pee on a stick tomorrow rather than find out in London.
The problem with Argc is that they only do a blood test for your pg test & you have to have your blood taken at 7am then hang around in London until they call you with the result , which is normally 11:30/12. So if its a bfn you can be standing in the high St /coffee shop etc getting the news. So for a little bit of self preservation I was going to do a pee stick test tomorrow morning. This then gives me a day for it to sink in if bad news. However DH has flipped his lid. Told me I'm not to do it, also that he's getting fed up with all of this!! When I asked him what he meant by that he said nothing it doesn't matter!
I just think I should leave & set him free from all of this.
I know in my heart it hasn't worked, this is the 4th time with the same symptoms of AF on its way.
I'm in the bedroom quietly   while he is downstairs on the computer.
Why can't I just get pg??!!


----------



## rory2011

Oh michi   hoping this is the one. Personally I agree with you testing early so at least you can prepare yourself for the trip to london. It is so hard but I am sure dh is worried about you and just wants you to to have some good news. Ivf is such a stress on relationships. 

Rach, hope this cycle goes better this time and its more relaxing for you also with a better result too!

Sl4e hope all is going well with you...have you had a scan yet? 
Hello to lil one, squirrel, Beth, lucky b, ltw , fiona, kimt and everyone else who reads

Afm no news, ttc naturally for the next few months and I think I'm ovulating today....just in time as dh has been away since yesterday and is not back till thurs   I have a cold so it's probably not the best time and I have started taking the vits  that dr e has recommended....did anyone else take reservation and did it help?


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi angels,

Rach - you are incredible! Stimming again and aiming for sunshine! You are inspiring, and I wish you all the very very best! You go girl, enjoy that sunshine and take good care of yourself xx

SL4eva - thank you for your post, and you have made me feel good about DD. hope all well and keep praying, we need you xx

Rory - that timing sucks! Sending you virtual lemsip, duvet and hot blackcurrant to shift that cold asap. Who knows, maybe ovulation will be late and dh will get a lovely surprise when he returns home. Keep hoping, and rest up to get you well. I take various vitamins but not heard of reservation? Xx

Michimoo - you poor darling. All you need is a supportive husband and a positive pee stick, and that is what you blinking well deserve! The tww is vicious, and these last few days always play havoc as we all know...You dont need to leave, or do anything drastic - your dh loves you and wants the same as you. He is probably terrified of the result and doesnt want to have the stress, or equally see you going through this. He isnt fed up of you, he is fed up of the horrid situation and seeing you go through so much. We all say horrid things in the heat of the moment, and I really hope he comes back upstairs and cuddles you and tells you it will be ok no matter what. He doesnt need to be set free from you, because he chose you for who you are - not for being a baby making factory. As for symptoms, no point, you just never know. I hope so much this is your time. Tell dh you only want to pee on a stick to prepare yourself in case the telephone call comes in the middle of the street. Tell him you need his support and you are going through this for the both of you. Lean on us, and take each day as it comes. You have a chance this time, and whatever the result, you are not alone and we wont let you crash and burn. Lots of love xx

Everyone - hi and hope your week is going the way you want it to xx

AFM, trying to formulate a new plan of action, deal with all my pregnant friends and twin, and sort my funny little squirrel head out. I am fed up of crying. I am bored of feeling this stressed. Thinking of you all xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning, ladies

Michi - i hope you and dh have had a nice  .  This puts hideous pressure on all our relationships.  Dh and me have had our moments, which seem more frequent now.  Each cycle breaks us a little bit and fixing us is getting harder......hold on sweetheart  

Squirrel - how are you doing?  I too am surrounded by pregnant colleagues, friends too, although people seem to have stepped away from the sad couple who 'don't work properly  .  We here know how you are feeling  

Rach - so pleased you are stimming again so soon, this must be your time  

Rory - bloody typical, my ov is always at unhelpful times, too 

Hi to everyone else.  Hoping the sunshine is beaming on you    wherever you are and giving you a small twinkle for your eye  

Afm struggling.....aren't we all? Trying to up the as much as i can.  Endo scratch on Monday and natural if cycle once af arrives.   this is the missing piece of our puzzle.

Lil' one


----------



## rory2011

Oops silly predictive test...it's reservatol I'm taking.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Just a quick one as between meetings!  
Michi you sound just like my friend yesterday (with 6 cycles behind her back) who swore she cannot be preggers, it couldn't have worked, she felt like AF was coming ... Then she went to GP 13dp as she wanted closure, drew blood and guess what ! Hcg 113! 
I was convinced mine was not going to work as i had no symptomsp- sent penny an email to find me a Surrogate!  The truth is ... It is true what they say - you don't know until you test! 
My friend said it was like regular AF coming, and i didn't have a twitch ( but i don't get any PMS) only at 14dpEC when my AF would've been due i had some mild AF type feeling ... But i already knew the result then ! 

Love to all of you amazing ladies! 
Xxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi ladies,

Good luck Michimoo   xx

Rory - ooh, reservatrol, I will have to look it up xx

LilOne - thank you for your post, I am feeling a little bit better but some days I can cope with bumps and prams and asking everyone how they are, and some days if I see a bump I want to burst into hysterical tears ?! I am way worse with bumps than prams and babies for some reason?! I chuckled when you said 'the sad couple who dont work properly' only because I think things like that all the time, and it is a relief that others do  . Hugs back at you, hows things this week? Good luck for scratch Xx

Lucky B, Beth, sl4eva, rach and everyone else -   xx

AFM, a plan is coming together and making me feel less like the limbo land loony  . Not sure if any of you have heard of this but Spain have spoken to me about a new test. It is an endometrial receptivity array, where they take a biopsy to check your window of implantation is when it is supposed to be. Theory being that some women with unexplained bfns have a shorter or longer window of implantation even if it meant to be the same for everyone. Knowing me, I would not be surprised if this is another issue  . So...under the guise of having a scratch for our cycle, I am also having this done. Reassurance if all normal, something to fix if not normal. If anyone has heard about this, and thinks it is rubbish - please dont tell me!! Also having immune appt in London to dot all the i's and cross all the t's but maybe cycle in June  . Usually anything I plan goes bosums up, so watch this space for the usual squirrel disasters! Sorry to waffle, guess I am excited that there is something else that can be checked for implantation failures. Love to all xxxx


----------



## squirrel2010

GAH! I only ever go on ******** on the odd occasion, and yet again - first thing I see is a blinking 12 week scan photo! I am officially abandoning 'Smug Book' and will not let it blight my day again!!


----------



## Michimoo

Firstly, I wanted to thank you all for your replies. It was a great comfort.
Secondly, as expected yet another bfn for me!  
Guess this is just never going to happen.


----------



## Rach76

Michimoo I'm so sorry Hun. I know exactly how you are feel. Sending you loads of hugs x x x x


----------



## squirrel2010

Oh Michimoo -   and I am so very sorry. You are not alone, and dont you worry - we will get you through this. How are things with dh? Let us look after you and please take it one day at a time. This whole journey is ridiculously unfair. Xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Oh michi! So so sorry hun...  One day at a time hun one breath at a time!  After each BFN i used to scroll for siggies of ladies with many BFNs and eventually a BFP and seeing them gave me hope and strength to continue! 
This journey is so cruel and not fair... 
Grieve, regroup, decide,  make a plan... But for now... Just take care of yourself... 
Many many hugs honey! You are an amazing woman!

Xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Michimoo,     I'm so sorry hun. Are you and DH able to have the weekend alone together? More   
Squirrel, I'm sure there was a lady on here a while ago, I think her name was Moog, apologies if it's the wrong person, who had a test called E-tegrity, which analysed if the womb lining was in synch with the calendar days, ie was day 14 hormonally day 14? Is this the kind of thing you're having done? So no, we don't think it's an 'off the wall 'idea at all, like you say, it's another box ticked.
Rach, safe journey babe, and all the best!
Lil One, endo scratch did it for me.    it works it's magic for you, too - and Squirrel of course.
Rory, maybe just maybe it'll happen this month...fingers crossed.
Well, scan again on tuesday for us, the one checking for double trouble. I haven't put anything on **, have no intention of having that darned annoying 'My Baby's Progress', scan pictures or weekly bump pictures either. Maintaining solidarity with ma sistas here.
Lots of love everyone x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Michi - I am so sorry, it's so so unfair  
We truly know what it feels like, and are here for you  

Squirrel - sounds like a plan, and like you say - it's something else  

SL4E - loved your post sister, hoping the scan goes well. 

Afm due for endo scratch on Monday, but wouldn't you know it - ov looks late this month.  Today is day22 and ov normally 23 so it may be a day or so late.  I guess that means trying to reschedule things? What do you reckon, ladies
Also had a chat with my mum last night who tells me her and my dad are going on a big family hol with bro, sil and dn....it's not our cup of tea but still.....annoying how she deals with it by pretending she doesn't absolutely love all that stuff......which is fine, just don't insult my inteligence  

Hope the rays of sun are reaching you  

Lil' one


----------



## rory2011

Oh michi so sorry to hear your news  
Be kind to yourself xx


----------



## Rach76

Hooping you are feeling ok ish michimoo. X

Rory how's you doing? 

Loving your plan squirrel. Everything is worth a try I think. 

Sl4e- can't wait to know if you have got double trouble in there. X so excited for you. X

Lucky b-hoping you and BoB are doing well. X

Lilongwe-best of luck with scratch on Monday.   it's the missing piece for you. 

Afm-just arrived in Athens. Feeling a bit lonely and apprehensive about seeing penny tomorrow. I never know what the scan is going to show up. What we me and my weird body. You never can tell.  this cycle is gonna be the one! X 

Love to all

Rach x


----------



## longtimewaiting

So sorry Michimoo. Horrible news  . Take care of yourself xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Just dropping in to wish Lil One all the best for the scratch, and to see how Rach is getting on.
Michimoo, thinking of you   
 everyone, another new week, at least it's starting with some sunshine, hope that whatever stage you're at this week, that there will be some positive moments xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi sl4e-I'm ok. In athens I enjoying the lovely weather. It's been so nice I had to buy some saddles! Any excuse.   got another scan with penny tomorrow so will know more then. Got lots of follicles growing but no lining. So I think if I have a womb transplant I would be all fine and dandy! Am taking it one step at a time. 

Best of luck lilone with the scrape today. X 

Hi to everyone else.

Rach x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi lovely ladies
Rach - what's the story with the saddles?   
Mich - how are you doing?
Thanks for the good wishes ladies, scratch was fine.  Not my usual choice for something to do, but have been through worse!   
Plan now: modified natural cycle should start in a couple of weeks.  Been prescribed intra;ipids, so need to find somewhere to get them administered.  I have provisionally booked somewhere 'up town' but would prefer a Surrey location if poss.
Hope you're all ok
Lil' one


----------



## Rach76

Hi lil'one. Glad all went well today. I meant sandals     bloody iPad! Mind of its own!! X x x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Oh, Rach, sandals makes much more sense  
Take care


----------



## Jules18080

Sorry I haven't been here for a while and I couldn't even start to catch up. Michimoo I am so so sorry to hear your news my heart goes out to you and hope you and DP are looking after each other x

Best wishes to everyone else and I really am sorry for lack of personals!

Had my liver test back so I can start steroids and my gamma is 92 even though I don't drink! Nurse didnt know what to say and now waiting on a call so
Scared it means no steroids anyone had this?!


----------



## Michimoo

Just a quick drop by ladies as I'm finding things really tough this time. I firstly wanted to thank you all for your kind words. I sometimes don't know what I'd do without you all.  

Secondly I had another kick in the balls yesterday. It was my first day back at work & they made me redundant with 1 weeks notice! 
So I lose my baby & my job in the space of 4 days.
If anything was going to tip me over the edge then that just has! 
I don't feel strong enough to start looking for jobs let alone going for interviews.
2013 can do one! I think I'm going into hibernation until next year.


----------



## Jules18080

Michimoo pm me surely you should have more than 1 weeks notice? How long have you been there? What's the reason?!


----------



## rory2011

oh michi    how crap. 

Lil one glad scratch went well, i think somehwere there is a list of places to get intralipids administered...might be on the immunes thread or even under the greece thread...not sure where but have seen it somewhere.

Rach, hope the lining starts growing soon and glad you can get your feet out!

Jules, glad you can have the steroids but sorry I haven't had to have my liver tested prior to treatment.

SL4E hope all is good with you, have you had a scan yet? how many weeks are you?

Squireel, ltw, lucky b and to everyone else I have forgotten, hope you are enjoying the spring weather.

AFM, I was hoping whilst we were trying naturally I would kind of forget about it all..but no, i am thinking about all of the twinges etc I'm getting....I wish i could switch my brain off. Already thinking about what to do if after 6 months it hasn't worked...I wish I could be a bit more positive about things!


----------



## Jules18080

Thanks Rory now told liver ok was an error but blood gloucose is 6.6 and too high for steroids. Feeling like any hope I have is just fading


----------



## moomoocookie

Hi lil one, I have my intralipids done  by independant nursing they are NR Harley street in London, very easy to find, very cheap, £103 including the intralipids themselves, they accept foreign scripts no extra charge if you have one that it and above all they are the loveliest girls there.  If you google independant nursing Services Devonshire street, the details will come up.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Oh Michimoo, that totally sucks what has happened to you.    my love. I will keep you in my prayers, and rest assured if I could fix things I would. Why does the rubbish always land on us in truckloads? Hibernation for a while sounds good to protect yourself, please keep in touch with us if you're able, we care about you!
Rach, hoping the lining will soon be a nice fluffy pillow for a bub to snuggle on.
Lil One, glad scratch was OK, I didn't find it too painful either, and it worked...
Rory, just take each month at a time, miracles happen, although I know the feeling of needing back-up plans A-Z   
Hello Jules and Moomoocookie!
Sending a big    to all our special ladies on here, Beth, Squirrel, LTW, LuckyB, and those of you who may be reading but not posting - Wobs, Waikiki, Coweyes, HBK, Kat, pinkpixie and many more
AFM, dating scan yesterday went well, and I'm now 9+3, which is spot on. If it gives anyone hope, this was our 'closure' cycle. I'd started to read the 'moving on' boards, and was convinced it wouldn't work/didn't dare to hope. I didn't even buy any pregnancy tests - the first one I did was a cheapie off Amazon that I had at the back of the bathroom cupboard from last year's failure. This was Tx # 17.
Lots of love x


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovelies,

Michimoo -   for you - I know they are not enough but if I could, I would send wine, chocolate, flowers, cuddles and anything else I could think of to let you know that you can get through this. It may not seem like it but you have so much strength buried inside. I cannot believe what has happened for you at work, and the timing of it all is just awful. Lean on us, and feel free to rant. Dont suffer alone, we want to help xx

Rach - hope scans improving in Athens, and that Prnny can work some magic for you. Still cant believe you are right back in there, but you have to be in it to win it  . All the very very best and hope that sunshine is making you positive xx

Lil One - glad scratch wasnt hideous, you are a brave little one! Hope so much it makes the difference for you on your natural cycles. How are you feeling about it all?

Rory - I know the feeling about not ever being able to switch your brain off!! I have that issue in bucket loads, especially when trying to sleep! How are you? Enjoying the natural trying?! Xx

SL4E - treatment 17!!!! That gives me hope and makes me want to have the same strength and hope as you. Glad dating wise you are all good xx

Jules and Moomoocookie - hello   xx

Beth, LTW, lucky B, and all the other girlies -   xx

As for me, flights all booked. Immune appointment early May. Endometrial biopsy and scratch in Barcelona end of May. Back on the horse June if all ok. Not so sure I am as brave as you guys for biopsies and scratch, heading down the valium and sedation route  . Fully expecting weird and complicated results, as nothing is ever simple my end - ho hum. Having a plan has helped, and thank you for the encouragement on this new test. I am feeling stronger right now and wanting to get back into it all but I hate knowing what the treatment and tests can reduce me to. I dont want to be that person again but that is the risk we take. In the meantime, going on hols with two FF girls for a city break  . You girls are the silver lining in my IF cloud. Love Squirrel xxxx


----------



## rory2011

squirrel, hols sounds lovely...we are trying to book ours but can't believe how indecisive we are being!
It's good to have a plan and hopefully the biopsy wil go well and even if they find something...it means there is a treatment! 

rach, hope all is well in sunny Athens and that things are going your way.
Michimoo, how are you doing hun?

SL4E, great news about scan...gives us all hope that it will work for us one day...hopefully next time!
Lil one, Beth, LuckyB, Jules and moomocookie and everyone else hope you are having a nice Thursday xx


----------



## moomoocookie

Hi ladies, I've been trying to keep up with all your stories but not managed very well.  Just wanted to,say I fly out for my third de Ivf on Tuesday .  Transfer is booked for Saturday and I'm so excited  

Wanted to wish you all oodles of luck xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Hoping everyone is well. Am just back from EC and am a bit away with the fairies! Love the anaesthetic ! But god I do talk a load of rubbish when I am coming round. I think I told the anaesthetist six times that I was having a dream about being on the beach. DP just thinks it is hilarious ! Going to chill out now and start fretting about the next stage of the process- fertilisation! Been panicking for the last two days that my follicles had no eggs in them! God what am I like!!! Lol 

Rach x

P.s sorry about the me post. When I am back on planet earth I will do lots of personals. 

Sending love to all x x x


----------



## rory2011

Rach, hope you got some eggies and that they get jiggy tonight! Enjoy being in fairyland!

Moomoocookie, good luck with your cycle


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies
Squirrel - that hol sounds great, enjoy it!   
Rach - i hope you're feeling ok, how many eggs did you get ?   
Moomoocookie - good luck for tomorrow    Where is your treatment, and what kind?
Michi - how are you doing today?   
Hi Rory, beth, SL4E, Rosa and all the gang....Hope everyone is enjoying the weather?
AFM, more confused than ever! We had our first appt with ARGC today.  The clinic was much busier than we're used to, but the consultation was good.  They want us to do pretty much everything! immunes, PGD, sperm DNA analysis etc   .  So................we're looking at £££, which will all be worth it   .......but......they did say they don't see the point of us doing a fresh cycle, what with the 'good' response to the stims.  Oh.....i thought we had a plan.........i've had my endo scratch now, and the first intralipids today, but should we throw good money after bad?.....or is it just what we need and they'll be no need for the ARGC big guns?
What do you guys think?
Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Squirrel, hope you have a fab girlie weekend
Rach,     coming your way for a great fert rate.
moomoocookie, safe journeys, and everything crossed for you 
Lil One, are you going to try naturally for a couple of months make the most of the intralipids and scratch while you have some thinking time?
Hiya rory!
Mich,   
Everyone else OK?


----------



## moomoocookie

Hi lil one I'm off to London for intralipids tomorrow, then I fly to cyprus on tues eve for my third de cycle.  2nd one worked at Christmas but lost 10 days later, had progesterone issues.  I'm on diff protocol and doing steriods and intralipids this time round.  Fingers crossed.

Thanks for the good luck ladies x it's gonna be third time lucky  

Hope you all have a fab weekend x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Lil one? I think im a bit confused hun? What  are they suggesting then if not fresh? 
Rach woooohoooo!!! Cant wait to hear your fertilisation report ! 
Moommoo! Looking forward to your updates
Michi! How are you coping sweet brave lady? 
Squirel , yay for setting the wheels in motion!

Beth,Sl4e, ltW, Rory hi ladies! Sorry if i've missed anyone but typing on phone

Had my first scan today at 7+1 . One baby on board! The sac was visible immediay and after the longest 2 seconds of moving the stick around we saw the fetal pole, yolk and a flicker ! She said i measured 7w.... I started crying as i was so dreading seeing an empty sac! With my beta starting lower than everyone elses on the threads it was really terifying!


----------



## Rach76

Hi all.

A very big congrats to lucky b on her scan. X x x x fantastic news x 

Moo moo - best of luck with you're next cycle. So hope it works for you x x 

Slf4- sending loads of hugs your way. Hoping you all ok. Is baba making you sick yet! 

Lilone - I'm a bit confused Hun. You gonna try naturally for a while to make use of that great scratch? 

Squirrel - so organised! You go girl. Loving your plan. X 

Michimoo- hoping you are ok? 

And a big hi to everyone else- Beth, Rory , Jules. 

Well I am back on planet earth now. And am feeling great. Usually feel crappy after ec. Just praying for some good embies  now. X 

Rach x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi all
Brumbar, thats great news
I meant natural not fresh ooops
Lil one x


----------



## Rach76

Hi all

Hoping everyone is ok.

I'm having a nightmare day- and just when everything was going so smoothly. I knew it was too good to be true. Penny has just informed me that there is a problem with our embryos. So has done some kind of test on them and it came back showing 45% fragmentation! I always thought my uterus was the problem ( which it is) but now it looks like my eggs are a problem too. I know its not dps sperm as he has had the fragmentation test. Penny says it is definitely my eggs. She says that although some get to blast there is still a problem with them. Am totally gutted. Not sure if any will get to blast. And there were so many as well. 19 out and 14 fertilised. I'm in shock. Might as well right this cycle off already. ! Sorry about the me post. Just needed to talk - am all alone in Athens at the moment as dp had to go home today so will be on a flight as we speak!

The irony of it all is uterus looks perfect this time. Penny just did an aqua scan and lining is good and uterus all clear. Just bloody typical. If it is not one thing it's another. Doner eggs all the way next time I think. 
Love to all x x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Oh Rach,     that there may still be good news ahead - tough one for you to ride out alone, and a huge blow after everything had gone well   
Lucky B, congratulations! 
Sending out a big     to everyone, just off for my siesta.... xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Rach,  don't you give up hope honey! She's not tested all embies... Ask her more about it.. Surely you may have the forever one in there! Not to sound funny but how many times have we read the story of the one fragmented day two embryo that made it into a beutiful baby! X
Keep the faith hun... No matter how difficult that is! And don't you give up on your eggs. Metformin may help with quality in high responders that are borderline policystic, worth exploring the option me thinks but that is worse case! DON'T you write it off yet!  Xxx


----------



## rory2011

Oh Rach I was so hoping that this cycle would go well for you...you need a bit of good luck. I hope it's not a right off. Thinking of you xx


----------



## bethholm

Rach- thinking of you my lovely and yes, sometimes the unbelievable does happen- my friend had a really crappy grade embie put in and now her DD is almost 5. Wish you were not out there on your own- that must be so hard.I had terrible news on one of my cycles when I was on my own and I was only in London.I cried all the way home on the train that I nearly missed by seconds and then when I got to my station, DH wasn't there to greet me so I cried again.Sending you virtual hugs- hang on in there- we are all rooting for you.

Much love

B xxx


----------



## Rach76

Thank you for your kind words ladies. It really does mean a lot. Going into the clinic tomorrow at 12 to see how the embies are doing. Absolutely crapping myself! Praying for good news.

Rach x x


----------



## bethholm

Rach- will say a little prayer for you tonight my lovely.

B xxx


----------



## Rach76

Thank you Beth x x x x x


----------



## squirrel2010

Rach - i echo the others, keep the faith, get all the answers you can tomorrow, and keep strong - you can get throu this and we are all behind you. Massive hugs, good luck xx

Everyone - am away for a girls week, but sending love and cuddles to all, back at the weekend xxxxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Oh, Rach, it sometimes feels like it's one obstacle after another....I am with you  
 that things can turn around for you in the morning.....it can be so different in the morning  
Struggling too, will tell you another time,
We are all here for you  
Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Just checking in for rach's update,     for good news tomorrow hun.
Lil One,    to you for your rough patch.


----------



## bethholm

Massive hugs to Lil One too.

B xxx


----------



## Rach76

Wow your support ladies is amazing. I don't know what I would do without you all. I feel like you are all my new gained family. Love to all.

Lil'one- sending massive hugs to you. Really hope you are ok. I know it's easy to say but be strong my lovely. X x

Rach x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Lil one and Rach... Hugs ladies! Rach ... Hope today is a good day xxx


----------



## rory2011

Rach hope you get some good news this morning....lady you sure do deserve some 

Lil one    big hug from me too, you know where we are if you want to talk xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Any news, Rach?
Lil' one


----------



## bethholm

Rach- we are ALL thinking of you and sending you positive vibes this morning.We've all been there so we can understand a little of what you are going through.

B xxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all.

Just wanted to let you all know that dispute my crappy embies I still managed to get three perfect blasts! I am so over the moon. Had all three transferred this afternoon and am now relaxing in the apartment. Penny and her team were amazing I can't thank them enough. Am all a bit emotional about it all at the moment Dp is really pleased too and glad I am happy. ( he has been quite down about ttx lately due to our vast number of fails) I forget how much it affects him as well.  Thank you so much for all your support ladies. Fingers crossed eleventh time lucky!!!! 

Rach x


----------



## rory2011

Great news Rach. Fx that you get your bfp In a week and a bit xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Amazing news PUPO lady! X


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Congratulations PUPO princess!    for the BFP now.
Squirrel, hoping that you're enjoying your girlie break before you step back on the rollercoaster.
Hello Rory, Beth and Lucky B.
Lil One hope today is a better one for you.
All OK here
Love to all x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Great news Rach, fingers and toes crossed xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Good news rach,
 for you,
Lil' one


----------



## Rach76

Hi all. Really hoping everyone is ok. 

Well am back home now. Loving the home creature comforts and my bed! Slept like a log last night. Dp is being very sweet. Bless him. He really missed me. More than usual this time it seems. Praying this will be my time. But am also planning next cycle to keep me going. Surely it's about time I had some good luck? Am really trying with the PMA this time but not sure how long it will last. Am already getting the usual pains I always get. Gotta go food shopping today- ah the joys of being home! Lol x 

Love to all x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach,    hard it will be your turn. I had no pg symptoms until very end of 2ww.
How's everyone else? Hoping all well.
Went to a family wedding yesterday, and I swear I have never seen so many bumps in one room! Still don't feel like I'm 'one of them', but first time I didn't have to be held back from poking the eyes out of every fertile chavette. Old habits die hard...


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Good work, SL4E, I think a couple of eyes would probably have been ok, though  

Rach - glad you are home,   for you

What are you all up to?

Afm, have just cleaned the whole house, dh has a bad back, poor thing, and have a busy day tomorrow:
Scan first thing, doing modified natural, then more intralipids, what a bank holiday!
Not sure what they are looking for on scan......do any of you know?

Lil' one


----------



## rory2011

Rach wishing you lots of luck for this cycle...it is about time you got your bfp! 
Sl4e...hope things Are going well with you and bump?

Lil one good luck with your scan, have you had intralipids yet? What's it like? We will be doing that in our next cycle...unless miracles of miracles happen and we get preggers naturally before sept. anyway trying to think more positively....

Hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend!


----------



## seemedlike4eva

back to reality after the long weekend!
Rach, hope you're bearing up.
Squirrel, hope you had a fab holiday.
12 week scan for us next Monday,   all will be OK
Huge   all round x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Hope you're all enjoying the sunshine  

Rach - how are you holding up? When is otd?  

SL4E - not long til the scan , you must be excited?  

Rory - intralipids are nothing to write home about.  Looks like a bag of milk, and takes about two hours to go through.  I had my second one yesterday.
Also had my first progress scan for the natural cycle.  I had three or four reasonable follies on each side, which was more than I thought considering they aim for a single egg.  We will see....I am sure we will do it in our own unique way  

Hope you'revall ok

Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

I'm having a 'steam coming out of my ears' moment!!!! Just had a copy of my last rheumatology clinic appt letter, and the consultant has chosen to add to the list of bona-fide medical conditions such as high BP and arthritis 'Infertiltiy requiring IVF therapy'. What ever that has to do with anything medical - other than a gynae appt - fails me. Go on, just rub it in why don't you?
OK, rant over! Until the next time a doc gets too far up him/herself.... otherwise all seems well!
Lil One, very happy that your first scan is looking good.
Rach   
 Rory, Beth, Squirrel, Lucky B, LTW  and everyone
xxx


----------



## Rach76

Sl4e- can't believe your 12wscan is next week. That came round sooooooo quickly. I'm sure little baba is nice and cosy in there. X x

Lil'one- glad your scan went well. What a great number of follicles on each side. 

I am soooooo losing the plot! Been getting funny pains today so am convinced its all over. I know I have only been pregnant twice- once with the ectopic and once when  I miscarried but both these times I ' felt pregnant'. This time like the rest of my bfn's I just don't feel anything. Want it all over now as already made my mind up to do DE next month! And then that's it! If it doesn't work. I will never have a child. I think 12 times has to be my limit both emotionally and financially. Any way enough of me putting a downer on this thread. X

Rach x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hang on in there Rach xxxxx

Looking forward to hearing about your scan SL4E xxxxx

Thinking of the everyone else going thru difficult times. Hope you're ok Michimoo, not heard from you for a while, take care of yourself. Desparately wanting some more BFPs on here, keeping everything crossed. 

I'm having our little girl 2 weeks on Fri - you can get there in the end girls, we were getting close to giving up and then suddenly here we are, 8 years later!


----------



## rory2011

Ltw wow that's gone quick. Good luck with the birth xx
Sl4e can't believe the cons...is it anyone's business....no. Good luck with your scan.
Rach...this 2ww is such a head f**k...hang in there.

Lil one..some good news at last. 
Afm no news, found out that 2 other people are preggers at work. Had my suspicions about one. Hopefully it will be me soon.


----------



## Michimoo

Hi Ladies,
I'm on my phone & been trying to catch up & read backwards. 
I wanted to send everyone huge hugs & love & thank you for all thinking about me & saying such lovely & supportive things whilst I've been AWOL.
It has been a tough few weeks emotionally & I have avoided FF & anything else ivf related. 
It's been difficult between DH & I as this failed attempt is now the white elephant in the room that we shouldn't talk about!
It's been hard not working as that normally gave me some focus & took my mind off things.
I'm keeping the brave face on & I'm back in my robot style mode. 
DH is back working abroad so in on my own again for a month. 
Our follow up consultation basically said it failed due to poor embryo quality. (No s**t Sherlock!) they have advised I start DHEA for 3 months & DH to cut out caffeine.
However there is a development in my story. I have managed to persuade DH to get a second opinion. 
We are off to see Penny in Athens on the 31st May the day after he arrives home!
It might be quite refreshing to speak to someone who actually sympathises rather than Drs who are very "matter if fact"
Rach I have everything crossed for you.
Sl4e I can't believe you're at 12 weeks already!
LTW - good luck with everything. Can we all be virtual Godparents? Lol 
Squirrel - thanks for the virtual chocolate & wine! I replaced them with real ones. 
Lil one - how did the intralipids go?
Rory - I'm avoiding pregnant people but I'm off to a wedding today & I'm sure I'll see some.
Lucky B & Beth - how are you lovely ladies?
Sorry if I've missed anyone I'm squinting on my phone.
I'm off to my cousins wedding in Somerset this weekend. Think I might have to change my outfit! Its gonna be freezing!
Big love ladies,
M
Xxxxx


----------



## bethholm

Ahhhh- you are off to see Peny?!That's all I needed to know- I can relax now as I know you're in safe hands at last.

B xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Oh bless you Beth xxx  
I am worried though as in her email she has potentially suggest mild stimulation & I've only got the best results with mega loaded stimulation. Mild stimulation has always produced appalling results & quality for me!


----------



## bethholm

Don't you worry my lovely- Peny often does mind autumns as it produces much better quality embryos and much better embryos equal babies. You're in (the best)  safe hands.

B xxxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Completely agree with Beth Michi!  
Penny and Thimios are miracle workers! 
We've never had embryos as good as the Serum ones!

Rach.... I know its easier said than done, but  don't you give up hope hun! Do you think i had any symptoms!? Nope! My friend ( another Serum lady) was convinced she wasnt pg because she just felt like AF is coming but nothing else. Well she was wrong 

LTW wow! 12 w scan! Time has gone so fast! 

Rory, lil one,SL4E, Squirel and everyone else hi ladies! Hope you are all well

Im being completely paranoid and driving myself crazy... Don't think it has sunk in yet! And not having symptoms does not help. Well i had a mild hangover feeling the other day wnd i'm a falling asleep early but nothing  like the other ladies. Trying to remind myself this is normal and i'm just one Lucky Pregnant Brumbar

Had another scan on Wednesday and thank God BoB is  at 8+4 weeks with good hartbeat but the sac is measuring only 8 weeks ( difference between CRL and sac 11mm) it is still normal but having been through hell to get here it is difficult not to worry... I suppose i just have to  believe that BoB is fine and growing well! 
Booked another scan at 10w and then i'll have the NHS one at 12 + 6  ( they are really cutting it fine)


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Good morning all!
Mich, lovely to hear from you. Don't blame you for slipping into robot mode...done it many times when the fertile world just got too much. All the best for your appt at Serum.
Rach, still   
Lil One    for you, too.
LuckyB, know what you mean about feeling anxious, although seeing HB twice already is good.
Squirrel, off on your special holidays soon? Safe travel and lots of   
LTW, so exciting - the final countdown!
Rory, we all hope it will be your turn soon   
Beth,  
I'm still being sick most days, going to aquacise 2 x week, lost quite a bit of weight. Going to another wedding reception tonight - hope DH behaves. Last weekend he spotted his cousin's pg daughter drinking a bottle of WKD, so marched over, took it off her, and gave her the no alcohol lecture!!!! Bless him, he has turned into the food police


----------



## Rach76

Hi all


So nice to here from you michimoo. So pleased you are going to see penny. She is the most wonderful lady in the world! 

Sl4e- impressed with your aquacise exercise. I really miss going to the gym and think I have put on at least a stone this cycle. All these steroids. I just can't stop eating. Am looking forwards to getting fit again. Bless your dh. My dp would have done exactly the same. Have fun at the wedding reception. 

Lucky b- really glad you and bob are good. I don't think you will ever stop worrying until that little baba is in your arms.

A big hello to everyone else.

Rach x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Afternoon ladies  

Rach - hope you're ok, can't be long to otd?

SL4E - hoe you enjoy the wedding, your dh sounds great! 

Brumbar - so glad it's all going well, you are a very lucky brumbar  

Michi - I understand the need to go awol for a while....am very tempted myself at the mo.  Are you just going for a short break to Athens?  I will be really interested to see how you get on.

Afm - today was our second scan in this, the natural modified cycle, and if i'm honest i'm just not convinced.
Scan showed at least 13 growing follies, which would be fine for a normal stimmed cycle, but we have been told by them, on several occasions, that the idea is to get only one, two or at most three eggs.....well the follies are all similar sizes and they now want to increase the gonal to 200 to get them growing, so that doesn't make sense......
The two reasons we were given for natural modified was firstly to subject the eggs to less hormones in case they were causing chromosomal abnormalities and secondly to let the body select the egg naturally.  From what i can see neither of those things are happening.
So, had a little wobble today, want to cancel the cycle as i feel it is another go at how we've always done it, and I am too fragile to keep kicking my heart like that.
On the other hand, i've had the scratch and intralipids so maybe we just go with it?

Have good weekends ladies,

Lil' one


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Oh lil one this is a tough call.. I thought that continuing the low dose would eventually lead to a selection of just a few eggies?


----------



## rory2011

Michimoo, god luck with penny, I wished we had gone to see her several cycles ago...as we were always told we were unexplained and finally got an answer by visiting her and the team. I haven't cycled there yet...hoping won't have to but will definitely be top of the list if we do.

Lucky b an d sl4e glad scans went well.

Sl4e my dh sounds similar to mine, dh was more affected by the preggers woman in the pub last week smoking and drinking when she looked about 8 mths preggers...also had several screaming little ones running  around too. So unfair sometimes. 

Beth how are you and your little one? 

Lil one...it is never straight forward is it? I hope you come to a decision soon. I am surprised they are upping your dose so much if its supposed to be a natural cycle. 

Rach how is it going? When is ur otd? Hope you're not going  too  

Squirrel, ltw and anyone else who is reading have a nice weekend.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One, I'm not very knowlegeable about stimms, I hope that you come to a satisfactory plan that will maximise your chances.
Rory, still holding out for your natural miracle for you.
Rach   
DH had man flu, so didn,t make it to party, I went with MIL & SIL. Well, so much for tx being a secret....MIL must have let slip to her sister, DH's aunt, who tipsy on half a shandy  told anyone who'd listen, "L is pregnant! Isn't it wonderful! 14 tries they've had!!!" Actually it's 17, but I just wanted the floor to open up, whilst hoping they did realise it meant 14 tx cycles rather than we'd only had sex 14 times in 13 years of marriage  
Beth, I changed a baby boy nappy today - went to see a friend in hospital who's just given birth - interesting experience all that wrinkly skin down there.
Love to everyone xx


----------



## Michimoo

I was at my cousins wedding yesterday & tears started to fall down my face when they were signing the register. All I could hear was a baby behind me gurgling. One toddler talking to his Mummy, the choir signing melancholy songs & I just lost it! How embarrassing! 
Not many people noticed as I slipped away discreetly. I had been pinching myself for about 10 mins before hand.
I don't think it helped recieving an email from DH from the oil rig telling me that 2013 is getting worse for us as he maybe stuck out there for 10 weeks as he'd just found out that they had sent his passport off in Angola without telling him, to apply for a long term visa! So he currently has no passport to fly home with!!! 
So it might mess up the whole Serum thing now! I've got to wait until the end of the week to find out. Then I'll have to start cancelling flights etc. is anything going to go right this year??!!
I really think I'm going into hibernation until next year! Lol
I knew I shouldn't of said anything until DH was home & we were just about to fly! I didn't used to be superstitious but I am these days! 
I've been consistently seeing one magpie everyday for two weeks!

Sl4e - Wowsers aren't MIL's great! Always can keep a secret. I don't tell mine anything anymore.
Rory - yes we are only going over for a consultation & wouldn't looked to start treatment again until Aug/Sept anyway. DH is still pro ARGC though. He's kind of just going to shut me up & see what all the fuss is about. 
Lil one - we are going for 4 days (if we eventually get there now!) penny advised that 2 consecutive days are appts so we will be using the other 2 days for sight seeing. If it does go to plan I will be OV that weekend so DH said it was an expensive    
Lucky B - glad Bob is ok. I think if it ever works for me I would be constantly paranoid for 9 months!
Rach - how's things? When's test date?
Hi to everyone else.
M
Xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. 

Well surprise surprise it's another BFN for me. I just don't get it. I have tried everything and it still doesn't work. Penny literally bent over backwards and everything went so well but once again a negative outcome. I have had three hysteroscopies, loads of immune treatment, monitoring of oestrogen and progesterone levels, use of gcsf. Lit treatment, intrailipids, endometrium scratches, aqua scans and washes, hcg booster shots and all sorts and it still does not work. The only thing that was dodgy this time was the fact my eggs were 45percent fragmented. But the three that were put back were ok. They were grade 1 perfect blasts so why didn't they implant? It would be so much easier to understand if I know what was wrong. What else could it be? What else could I do? We are gonna try DE next but I'm finding this hard to get my head around when I have loads of eggs left of my own. Every time I stim I get between 15 and 20 eggs and at least three or more get to blast. I don't know maybe they all die inside me on day six or don't hatch. I will never know. Anyway sorry for the me post am just so sad and so down today. Any thoughts on what I could do next would be greatly appreciated. 

Rach x


----------



## rory2011

Rach, I am so sorry Hun. I was hoping that this would be the one  
I have no idea what you should do...what are penny's thoughts?


----------



## longtimewaiting

I'm so sorry Rach, sad sad times  

I think you're right to try donor eggs, you've been through so much and there may be something that they just can't see preventing success. Have you thought about donor sperm too? Again, I personally believe science doesn't know that much, things can look ok but something stops it working. Far from easy decisions, and only decisions you and DP can make. 

Michimoo - nice you hear from you, so pleased you're going to see Penny, just hope the passport gets back to you in time! Cry when you need to, who cares what other people think, life is more difficult than others can imagine when dealing with IF. Thank you for pm, will post stuff next week. 

SL4E - I would be furious if anyone did that to me! Although it is fab news so I can understand why people can't keep their mouths shut too! Let us know how it goes at you scan. 

Lil one - hope you know where you're going now, keep asking them to explain until you understand. Hoping you'll be our next BFP. 

Hi to Rory, Lucky B, Beth and anyone else reading xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning, ladies  

Rach - i am so sorry  , you poor poor thing.  It is just so tough when the science doesn't work.....when things make no sense.
When we went to Argc they recommended two news things for us:
Pgs the eggs or embies - the reason is to check to see which ones were chromosomally ok.  He explained that as you get older, more eggs are abnormal - hence the higher rates of things like downs in older mums.  On average only 10% of eggs will be undamaged in a forty year old - which was a sobering thought  
The second thing was to do dna fragmentation testing on the sperm, and treat with high dose antioxidants if required.
Of course both of these things are thousands of pounds, it's a very hard call.
Look after each other  

Michi -   for you too, sometimes things are just so hard and you think they can't get any harder.....then they do.  
Let's hope the expensive   does the trick.

Afm another progress scan today, follies continuing to grow, looks like ec will be late next week.  Feeling a bit beter about it, trying to just go with it which is incredible hard for a control freak like me!
Thanks for all your good wishes, ladies.

Enjoy the sunshine,

Lil one


----------



## Rach76

Hi lil'one, thank you for your recommendations. 

We have had dp's sperm tested and apparently he has super sperm so we know its not that. Penny said he could  be a sperm doner for her if he didn't look so Greek! So I think it is my eggs. The PGs testing is so bloody expensive tho. And since we have already paid out 50 grand on treatment up to date money has run out. Would need somewhere to do it for free! And I am sure that is not likely to happen. It's just one thing after another. Any more suggestions would be greatly appreciated tho. You lovely ladies help me loads to organise my brain and make all these life changing decisions. I don't know what I would do without you. 

Glad your follicles are growing well. Really hope you get some good ones that continue to grow for nine months! 

I've just ate the largest bag of chocolate buttons I could find and now feel very sick! Oh well it was nice at the time. And made me feel better for at least ten minutes. Diet starts tomorrow! Lol 

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach,     with you sweetheart. I'm so sorry.
Michi, it's hard not to get superstitious with the anxiety all this brings.... apparently 1 magpie when you're travelling is OK. I hope the passport returns by whatever means possible. At least at a wedding everyone would assume it's the emotion of the day causing the tears to flow.
lil One, glad things back on track.
 LTW, Rory, beth, Squirrel and everyone reading.
hope to drop in tomorrow with good news


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovelies,
Just back from hols and all sorts, and lots to catch up on...been thinking of you all...

Rach - my heart goes out to you. What a blinking journey you have been on. And to cycle so quickly back to back, you poor darling. Dont make any decisions before you have had a chance to digest everything that has happened. There are so many options left, and so much to think about, your poor brain can surely not start decision making yet? We are all here for you, and we will all support your next choices as much as we can. For now, please know that you are not alone, we will help get you through this, and there are still chances left. For the donor side of things, PM me anytime, as I was forced into that choice at the very start. Biggest hugs and keep strong. Xx

Michimoo - oh i really hope things with your dh and serum click into place. I know exactly what you mean by plans always going bosums up! I swear I also have this one magpie that follows me around and sticks two fingers up at me all the time. Gah. Roll with the punches just like you always do, and keep your chin up and tits out. All you can do is put one foot in front of the other and take it day by day. Wishing you all the best xx

Lil one - i hear ya, with the whole control freak thing! I am also one! Good luck with all your scans, and progress, you can do this! Xx

Rory - how are you doing sweetie? Xx

Ltw, lucky b, sl4e, Beth - sending hugs and Hoping all well with you all xx

Sorry for not reading back pages and lages, but thank you to you all for yor posts and holiday wishes!

I just want everyone to be happy. You all deserve it. I just wish life wasnt treating us so unfairly. I know some of us have their dream but I wish we all were on the home straight! 

AFM, had immune appt and have a decent case of new doctor worship! Broken the bank yet again with blood tests and biopsy in Spain along with endo scratch at the end of the month. Hard to be back on the treatment wagon and a bit stressed to be honest. Hope everyones week gets better and better. Sending hugs to all xxx


----------



## bethholm

Rach- def agree with squirrel and re donor route, PM me anytime you want whatever the questions! Massive hugs my lovely- you are not on your own and we do so understand.

B xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Rach, hugs my sweetie... So so so sorry hun... Really not sure whst to suggest but to me it sounds  a bit strange that out of all off the eggs/embies you have put back so far there wan't even one normal! 
Have you considered talking to Braverman to see what he has to say? HLA matching issues perhaps? He is not cheap but  for me it made complete sense  consulting him as we have been trying since i was  29  With no identified problem ... 

Thinking of you.. 

Michi, can you go to Athens without your OH? X its just a first consult anyway... 

Love to all, sorry so short but running around like a headless chicken
Xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Just to let you know, all well on scan today x


----------



## lil&#039; one

SL4E - wonderful news   
You can relax just a little more now!   
Lil' one    (more personals later)


----------



## Rach76

Sl4e that is fantastic news x x x x so pleased for you. X x x x


----------



## Michimoo

Oh Rach I'm so sorry. What is Penny suggesting? Surely you can't keep on the same path. Has she suggested DE?  

Sl4e - fab the scan went well. 

Lucky B - unfortunately no as its DH that needs convincing on Serum as he's still pro ARGC. Also DH has booked it as a mini break as well hence the 5 star hotel as we've not had a holiday in 2 years. I can't really go on my own it'll be more than my life's worth! Lol  
By the way who is braverman? He sounds like some type of a superhero!

Squirrel - maybe we should hang out & then you will see your magpie I will see mine, then we will always see two for joy!  

Lil one - where are you cycling?

Well ladies looks like I'm calling BA tomorrow to see what options we have to change this trip to Athens     after that I will have to contact Penny!  

I wish we all lived close so we could just meet up. Anyone live near me at all?

M
Xxx


----------



## rory2011

Where are you michi? I'm in the west mids about 30 mins from brum. 
Hope you get your trip to serum sorted. 

Rach, hope you are doing ok? Perhaps take some time out as it has been a manic year for you so far the have a think about de, if you feel that's the way to go. 
Sl4e great news on scan xx
Lil one, hope things are going well for you.
Squirrel hope you had a lovely hols.
Hey to Beth and lucky b as well as anyone else reading xx


----------



## Michimoo

I'm in Reading, Berkshire 

But could always take a trip to Bicester outlet village.   any excuse for a bit of retail therapy


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening, ladies  

Rach - how are you doing today?  
Do you have a plan or is it a bit soon?

Michi - i am doing a modified natural at create.  It's going ok.  Dates haven't been at all as we were told,  so my time off work is totally wrong  , never mind, we will sort it out.
Sounds like we are in a similar boat....I am looking to the next cycle (self preservation strategy), and we are swinging between Argc and serum.  We had a consultation at Argc, but dh isn't over-keen.  Have been in touch with katie at serum too, and will be doing the blod tests, at least, if i have to.

I live just south of m25, so doesn't sound like we are very close, but i would have loved to meet up.  Maybe our paths will cross at Argc or serum?

Hope everyone else is ok?

Congrats again to SL4E

Lil' one


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Michi,
Braverman is a reproductive immunologist in the US  that deals with multiple miscarriges and repeat implantation failure. You do need a EU doctor for your prescriptions though but penny was happy to work alongside him 
His website is Www.preventmiscarrige.com ( or something like that).  
I  used his services this time as i was really at loss as to what is happening 

Xxxx to all

Lil one ... I know what you mean... I also decided to plan ahead so paid for a two cycle package with Penny  just in case x


----------



## longtimewaiting

Great news SL4E x 

Serum gets my vote anytime girls, but I'm obviously biased! Xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Ditto 
X


----------



## Jo3

Mich I live in reading too!   x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies
Hope you're all ok.
Last progress scan today, EC Friday   .  Just a query re gestone doese: they have prescribed 50mg daily, but i am absolutely sure that it was 100mg last time, i destinctly remember taking two vials, and i have some left which are 50mg.
What do you remember?
Thanks, Lil' one


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Im on 100 but that's all i've ever had ..., 
I suppose they have monitored you in the past and are pretty sure the lower dose will do, but you should check with them i guess! X


----------



## Michimoo

I remember two vials. One in each boob to warm up!  
Can't remember what the dose was tho'. Good luck with EC.


----------



## rory2011

Lil one good luck with ec. Have no idea about gestone as o ly ever had cyclogest.


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. Hoping you are all ok.

Best of luck with ET lil'one. It must be coming up pretty soon now. 

Rory what are your plans up to at the moment? 

Michimoo - any news on dh and if he will be back ready for you to go to Athens?

Squirrel how did the tests go? Did they find anything helpful?

Sl4e- so pleased that little baba of yours is nice and cosy.

A big hi to lucky b and Beth.

Well it's all go here at the moment. Penny suggested de cycle so me and dp have decided to go with it. I can't go through it all again with my own eggs. They never work. Penny said they could work but it might take another 4,5,6 cycles and I just don't have the money or emotional strength. I am getting so tired with it all. So penny said she would get a donor as soon as possible. I can't leave the cycle or take a break because the adhesions grow back in my womb every two to three months so the longer I leave it the more chance I would have to have another hysteroscopy. And I have already had three in the last seven months!  So thought it would take a while but oh no got an e mail from penny to say she had found me a donor and she was ready to start so I needed to start my program. We were both in shock. It took penny two days to get me a donor and her cycle is exactly the same as mine. What are the chances of that! So been running round like a headless chicken trying to get more meds. Still can't believe I have started another cycle. So that would be four in the last four months. But then thats good for me as I'm scared to stop because if I stop I don't think I could ever start again and that would be my dream over. At least this way I can carry on. Bet you guys think I am mad! I'm not, I just so much wanna be a mum! X

Rach x


----------



## Michimoo

Wowzers Rach I have to say I am suprised it's moved so quickly. Have you had chance to get your head round DE yet? Couldn't you cycle next month just to give yourself time?
I'm not trying to be the party pooper I just want you to take a breather. 
I completely understand the desire to be a Mum. I feel the same way. But I do think my body and mind needs a little break between treatments. 
Your feet haven't touched the ground in the last few months. 

Lil one - did you sort out the gestone?

Afm - had a flipping nightmare. To cut a VERY long story short I have been on & off the phone to BA, Serum, BA, my parents, BA for 2 hours this morning whilst communicating by email with DH on the rig. 
Basically the flights he booked are non cancellable non transferable & therefore if he can't make it then I either go on my own or lose everything.
So I called BA & put my desperate voice on, & they finally agreed that they would allow us to move the dates at a cost but I had to let them know by close of play today. 
However my DH works nights & I can't call him. He calls me after 6pm which would be too late. 
So after a lot of too-ing & fro-ing we have moved it till 2 weeks later. Luckily DH was checking his emails when I sent mine. 
That hopefully gives some leeway for DH to get home or at least go to the consulate & get a replacement passport. Or I would still have to go on my own.
Penny likes you to go after your period & before OV. But cycle wise that isn't going to happen on this visit which I have let her know. I won't be pg as DH is not in the Country for OV & I'm not really wanting another hysteroscopy so soon after ARGC anyway. 
So we or at least I am set to go the second week in June now! What a polava!

Hi to all the ladies.

M
Xxx


----------



## Rach76

Michimoo- I can't leave it until next month as by then my adhesions would have grown back in my womb and I would have to have another hysteroscopy. I do not have the luxury of having time In between treatment unless I want to pay another1,500 pounds and have the stress of having to go through another operation. 

Rach x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Afternoon ladies  

Hope you're enjoying the sunshine?
It's lovely here, apart from a swarm of nasty flies who seem to have risen from the lawn......nice  

Michi - i'm glad you seem to be sorting the flights.  I think it's always worth going with someone like BA, in case something goes wrong.  We've been with other more budget carriers a couple of times, but it's not been great when things haven't gone to plan.  So, you've decided Serum over ARgC, was it a financial decision or wanting a change of approach?

Rach - I am glad you are making a plan again, I feel the same, I hope it all goes to plan for you  

Thanks for your help with the gestone everyone.  I emailed the clinic and they said that 100mg is fine, but I will speak with them tomorrow.
So.....Ec tomorrow, again.....  . Maybe this will be the one  

If not, it'll probably be Serum.....or aRGC.......there's so much going on in my head.  How do you ladies juggle work, or are you not working.

Lil' one


----------



## Michimoo

Awwwww Rach big   of course you don't want a hysteroscopy again. So when does that mean you are back out there?   that this is it for you. Can you get a cheeky glass of wine in before it all starts again?  x

Lil one - I haven't decided between Serum or ARGC yet. We are still swayed by ARGC. That's why we are going for the consultation with Penny. I have far too many questions for her to convince me on first.   good luck tomorrow.  

I have started on my DHEA & I'm convinced my hair is falling out ( but is that because I read it as one of the symptoms?)


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Michi a cheeky glass?  i like that  ! lol  for the record, i had a glass or two  most days up to transfer even with own eggs   personally i don't think a glass here or there does any damage.  i managed to get a  bunch of Serum ladies quite tipsy pre transfer and  most of them had BFPs ... There's a big joke going around now that  one has to drink wine  pre-transfer to get pg! 
Well of course i do not advocate heavy consumption but i don't think a glass now and then would do any harm.  The safest advice is as always do what you are less likely to regret! 

Rach, This has to be it!!!! Really it just has to!  And if i had money i would've come down to have a glass of wine with you  but after i had to cough up another 1200 usd on braverman tests  i am now officially on the brink of declaring bankruptcy ( well not  that bad but its pretty scary!)  i will still have a virtual glass with you  if you like 

Love to all
Lucky B


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Michi you don't have endo do you? Just asking as i was about to start it at one point but then found out that you shouldn't if you have endo

Lil one! Will be thinking of you tomorrow! 
X


----------



## Michimoo

Lol, I'll join in with the toast at the weekend then! 
I'm not sure if I have endo. It's a long story....
I have had a lap & nothing found. I've had a hysteroscopy & nothing found but I have all the symptoms of endo. 
I had a nearly burst appendicitis 10 years ago & I put the pain down to my period coming so didn't do anything for 24 hours! Then I was rushed to the emergency room & had my appendix out.
That was the point I realised that maybe my period pains weren't normal!!!

x


----------



## Rach76

Virtual wine drinking! I love it!!
Lucky b- can't believe you had to pay so much more money for tests. At least it is worth it tho. X
Lil'one best of luck with ec tomorrow. 

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One - best of luck tomorrow, and for the embies to flourish over the weekend.
Rach, glad a donor has been found, and really hope this will be your turn hun.
Mich, I think you deserve more than a glass after the stressful time you've had with intercontinental communications.
For the record, I had a lovely glass of wine with dinner at the Irish Pub in Prague the day before ET....maybe someone ought to research this, cos it worked for me too!
Have a good weekend girlies xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Lol SL4E... There's deffo something in it! X


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Michimoo said:


> Lol, I'll join in with the toast at the weekend then!
> I'm not sure if I have endo. It's a long story....
> I have had a lap & nothing found. I've had a hysteroscopy & nothing found but I have all the symptoms of endo.
> I had a nearly burst appendicitis 10 years ago & I put the pain down to my period coming so didn't do anything for 24 hours! Then I was rushed to the emergency room & had my appendix out.
> That was the point I realised that maybe my period pains weren't normal!!!
> 
> x


Painful periods on their own wont necessarily mean endo...

Have u got spotting in-between periods or have they ever seen endo cysts on your scans? 
I wouldn't have realised i had it if it wasnt for an endo cyst ... 
only a lap will be able to tell ... But yours was clear anyway 
X


----------



## rory2011

Will catch up later but I just wanted to say to michi, I had my hysto in Greece on day 21. As long as you know you aren't preggers they will do it after ovulation. 

Good luck lil onexx

Will catch up later as just get back to work!


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Loving the virtual wine....oooo would love one, not right now but maybe later  

Thanks for your good wishes  ,  
AFM just back from EC and 7 eggs, very happy as that's a lot for a modified natural cycle.  The embryologist was pleased and the sperm was really good, potentially good enough for ivf without icsi, but they will do icsi as it's worked well before.

They will phone later to give us an update.

Hope you're all ok my lovelies

Lil' one


----------



## Michimoo

Fantastic, well done lil one.   now go rest & have the wine later   xx

Thanks Rory. Not sure DH is up for spending more money on another hysteroscopy as we've had to pay through the nose to change these flights. It nearly cost the same amount as the flipping initial holiday!
I've heard that they don't take credit card is that right?


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Great news lil one! Yay! 
Michi i paid serum half cash half cc for treatment 
Meds- cash
Hysto 1000 cash the rest you can pay by card at the hospital


----------



## rory2011

Great news lil one.  Fx for great news tomorrow and even better news in 2 weeks or so time! 

Michi, oh, didn't realise you weren't going for hysto...my fault doing a quick skim whilst working! Wen we were originally going to go to serum before fog stopped us, I was going to have an aquascan and it would have fell after ovulation. Penny said it was fine as long as not pregnant. Ended up booking a hysto why we managed to get there a couple of months after as hidden c came back positive.

Rach, sounds like a good plan if it feels right then go for it. I think i would be doing exactly the same if i was in your position. At the mo we are trying naturally for 6 months as per pEnny's advice but our immune results came back with 100% match on dqa and have high ish tnf. Currently coming to end  of my reservatol treatment  So not sure if natural will work, saying that penny doesn't know about our immune results. In any case, I can't see us being able to cycle till after summer so might as well carry on trying. I think we will go again for ivf  in oct time if nothing happens. I think I will see if dh will go to serum for cycling as he was quite impressed that after nearly5years of trying and being told its unexplained, we finally have an answer...well 2 ! Hoping the "cobwebs " in my uterus won't come back! Just not sure how it will. Wrk with work....no one at work knows re treatment and have had combination of annual leave and being signed off for gynae op in previous treatments. Notsure how nice my gp would be to sign me off again especially to go abroad for treatment! We'll decide that once we get to it.  T be honest, if our next cycle doesn't work then will go for donor. Half of me things we should go straight to it but then half of me thinks no one more go. My sis did offer to be a donor but I'm not so sure how she would deal with it if it didn't work and even if it did, I am not so sure she would cope with it so well...but then again it was lovely of her to offer.

Lucky b, will deffo try the wine choice before et.

Sl4 e hope all is well with you and bump.  


Hey squirrel, Beth , ltw and everyone else who is reading


----------



## Rach76

Lil'one - so glad ec went well for you. 7 eggs is great especially for a modified natural cycle. That's loads. Hope you are chilling out now and do is looking after you. Also hope those embies are getting jiggy with it! 

Rory- why is everything always so difficult. The organisation of a cycle is a nightmare. Bless your sister. That was so nice of her. Mine offered too but I said no. Didn't want the donor to be a close member of the family. Thought it could cause problems in the future. I prefer the donor to be anonymous. So glad you got some answers from penny. Really hope you decide to cycle there. She will do her absolute best for you. 

Afm- having a nightmare getting meds again. Superdrug could not get my neuprogen prescription. They tried five suppliers and none of them had any! Any suggestions where to go next? I have the original prescription. 

Rach x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Thanks for the good wishes, ladies  

5 were good and have been icsid, so let's hope they do their thing tonight  

Rach - have you tried sainsburys?  They have been good with me, and don't charge mark up on ivf meds? 

Rory - hoping things  work for you au natural, and hope your gp continues to be helpful, it makes such a difference.
We have had to change as we've moved house.... I am yet to see who it will be never mind how helpful they are.

Mich - hope everything is getting sorted for you  


Hope you're all ok, have good weekends, ladies.

Lil' one


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi lovelies
Just jumping online to say all 5 have fertilised.
ET booked for Monday.
We always get this far, so trying not to let myself dare to dream............
Lil' one


----------



## Rach76

That's fantastic news lil'one. X x x x


----------



## bethholm

Lil'one- praying that it all goes well for you.

SL4V- fab news re scan

Looking forward to seeing my friend LTW on Monday at our regular meet up place!

AFM- back to work on Wednesday and dreading it- feel like the new girl again which doesn't help when I'm the DH! Also the LO has a hernia and needs an operation and his head is now a little too big, according to the medics so we may have to see a paedeotrician.The worry never stops plus I always end up sobbing to the consultants in hospital as I've had my fair share of them over the past 4 years and I always worry now I have him, something is going to happen.

Thinking of all of you and also those who are heading out to the amazing Peny at Serum.

Much love

B xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Yay! Nice one lil one! 

Beth... Hugs sweetie... No words of wisdom but hope all resolves itself... And baby is all good!  Hope it all goes smooth at work too!

I had a scan today, BoB is good Thank God, but small bleed next to the sac so freaking out ! 

Love to all
X


----------



## Rach76

Beth- sending you loads of best wishes. I really hope baba is ok and everything sorts itself out. X x x x x 
All the best with going back to work too. I went back last Wednesday after having three months off unpaid leave and I felt actually sick the moment I walked through the main doors but after the first day everything was back to normal and it was as if I had never been away. Apart from one child telling me he thought I was dead and that's why I had not been to work!!!!!! Such a pleasant individual! NOT!!! 

Lucky b- so glad your scan was all ok. Must be amazing seeing BoB wriggle around in there. Really hope the bleeding settles down. Take a deep breath and breathe. X x x

A big hello to all the per lovely ladies out there. Has ltw had her baby yet? Or is it next week it is due? 

Going to the gym now. Have put on so much weight! But am so not motivated!!! Come on girl it's only for an hour! Lol 

Rach x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning, ladies  


Beth - i hope everything gets sorted with little William    the worry goes on....
And I hope work is ok.  I think it's a universal worry, I am absolutely dreading going back.  One of my colleagues has just had a cycle and it has been more than public knowledge.  I really want to pretend nothing is happening with me...it will be hard....then I worry that the worry of it will affect our chances...and the worry goes on  

Rach - how are you doing today?  Enjoy the gym, i'm a big fan too, but like you I feel like it's a constant struggle with the treatment vs the weight loss.....it's hard to keep on top of it, isn't it?


Brumbar - so pleased Bob is doing well.....you need to change your signature!


Rory, Much, Squirrel, Rosa, and all of you out there, have a good day.

Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One, all the best for tomorrow, don't forget that all-important glass of wine tonight,   
rach, hope you survived the gym without too many aches and pains..my aqua teacher says it's safe for me to step up the intensity a bit now I'm 13 weeks, but I think I'll carry on with the low-impact. I quite enjoy being treated like a china doll while she punishes the rest of the group   
LuckyB, try not to panic about the small bleed, it's quite common and should reabsorb. Glad bubs doing OK.
Beth, it must be a real wrench for you to leave your LO to go back to work.    that school will be bearable, and that the health worries with William soon get sorted.
Rory still    for your miracle, although now you have some more pieces of your jigsaw now to add into the picture, I'm the Queen of excuses, I'll get my thinking cap on for reasons to be signed off work just in case you need them.
LTW, wow the final countdown! Wishing you the best for D-day.
Michimoo and Squirrel,


----------



## rory2011

Lil one good luck for today xx


----------



## bethholm

Lil'one- good luck for today my lovely.xxxx


----------



## Rach76

Hope all goes well today lil'one. Will be thinking of you. X


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies
Thanks for your good wishes.
ET went ahead today - i am now PUPO! (again...) with 2 grade 1s, one morula and an embie.
The cons hugged me and said "if there's any justice in the world, you will get pregnant". Let's hope there is  .
So now the fun begins.........  appently _the_ colleagues' cycle was a success - so i'll have that rammed up my a&^* as soon as i go back...  first cycle too. Good luck to her, just wish we could have a little of everyone else's luck sometimes.
Like DH says - must stay positive.
Hope all you lovely ladies are ok  
Lil' one


----------



## rory2011

Lil one,   this is your bfp cycle

Lucky b...re wine...red or white? Or does it not matter!


----------



## Rach76

Lil'one- congratulations on being PUPO! Enjoy and try not to go   praying this is your time. X x x x x


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi sweeties,
Sorry no time to do big personals but wanted to say hello and love to you all.
Lil One - congrats on pupo, heres to justice xx
Rach - you go girl, i need your gym inspiration xx
Sl4e, lucky B, Beth, rory, ltw, michimoo, everyone - wishing you all the very very best and thinking about you at your various stages xx
As for me, immune results tomorrow and am really worried. Scan all fine today for biopsy in Spain next week - got to go on my own and bit more worried. Silly really, not like i havent been there a million blinking times!
Sorry to be short today, work taken it out of me with a 12 hour mission.
Thinking of you all,
Squirrel xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One, congratulations on being PUPO!    hard for them to settle in xx
Squirrel, hope that if the results show any problems that they'll be easy to fix   
Rory, with the wine...I hedged my bets and went for rose   
Lots of love to everyone, off to do my 1 day a week at work x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Congrats lil one!!!!  
Rory... It was red for the rest , but i had both red and white  b4 mine!  lol
Squirel..  Don't panic hun.... Worse case you'll have an answer! 

Beth, how are you doing? 

Sorry so short but need to jump on train...

Love to all! 
X


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hi Lucy, hope you don't mind me pming you but I've just been reading one of your posts and I see you've had endless bfn's just like me and ivf had the same tests as you and all have come back normal apart from raised uterine natural killer cells. 

In my last cycle being cycle no 6 i tried the full immunes drugs, donor sperm, implantation cuts and I still produced a small amount of eggs but out of 6 one was immature and the 5th over fertilised leaving me with 4 and all fertilised perfectly 2x 8 cell grade 1's transferred and 2 in the freezer and another bfn.. I've had like you blasts and embies.. I also moved clinics who are at a loss as to why its not working. 

Just wondered as we've had similar outcomes how and what have your clinic said about the outcomes? Have they suggested anything more? I asked my clinic if my eggs were poor & if so should I look at double donor but they straight away said no you may only get a handful but there perfect!! If only!! 

Anyhow sorry for waffling on.. Just be nice to chat to someone who's going through the mill like me xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Lucy your pm box is full so I've just had to post on here!! X


----------



## bethholm

Hbk- so so lovely to hear from you again my lovely. I seriously would go for DD if it were me (we did do this in the end) as although your eggs 'look' perfect,maybe they are not and science hasn't developed enough to spot it yet IYKWIM. I was in the same situation as you with perfect eggs and embies and I either got a BFP then miscarried or it didn't work at all. I just feel that years ago, scientists didn't know about immunes etc and maybe in years to come,sadly,what did look like perfect eggs and embies now show a possible reason why it isn't working. Just my view and hope it helps.Please PM me anytime about DD or DE.

Much love

B xxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Bless you Beth thank you darling and I'm with you on the science bit.. It's something I'm glowing to have to seriously consider if my next fet with me frozen eggs doesn't work. 

I'm going to try one last go with a natural fet using my frozen eggs if they survive a thaw & fertilise if they don't I revert to trying my two frosties and if they don't work I'm going to save hard and go with DD and but that may take me a year or so to save for that one. Beth if you don't mind me asking how much was DD with serum? I have emailed penny on several occasions but she's never come me on a price so I'm at a loss!! My friend had DE from IVI Madrid who were amazing and not to expensive so I'm considering both clinics for the future. 

How are you & little one doing? How old is he now? Sorry to read of his health, my friends little boy has one in his belly button and they won't do anything yet as his only 2 months old and they think it might pop back in but I can't see how xx I'll pm you x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hbk, 

There is space now hun 

Yes, to date we have no identified cause but we all believe it was endo- that's Serum, myself and Braverman! It can affect both egg quality and the cytotoxic environment and cause an imbalance that prevents the embryo from implanting. 


I ended up consulting with dr.Braverman and ran every possible tests so we know what we are dealing with!
  I was at a point where i thought i need to deal with things and fix them first  b4 i try again. 

So with DH fixed, endo out ( i had a lap the month b4 my cycle)  and immune support to shift the possible imbalance we eventually managed to get implantation. 

My cd19+5 were still raised at my last monitoring test but dr.B thinks its just endo. They are an indicator of autoimmune and anti-hormonal activity. Awaiting the new results in a weeks time. 

Its worth noting that out of the 10 embryos 7 made it to blasto this time whereas prior to the lap we've had 2 out of 11 ( sperm issues) 3 out of 6 ( fixed sperm). I also had a double interval transfer with replacements both on days 3 and 5 so cant tell you exactly what the blast rate is for that...  

We still weren't ready to give up on own eggs  b4 i had explored all avenues and the reality is that my endo would've killed even the donor ones so it would've made no difference if i was to switch! 

This is why i decided to give Braverman a go in a last resort attempt to find out what's wrong with me and fix it. Lucky for me he was right  and Penny and Thimios at Serum did their miracle with the cycle itself!

I think Serum is 5000E for the DE cycle

Xxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Thank you Lucky

Mmmh so did you only find out after lap that you had endo? you see I have had 2 lap & dye tests and 2 normal lap's and they've all said that there is one small fibroid which is down by cervix which is out the way and I have 2 cysts on left ovary and hydrosalpinx which gets drained everytime at ec (can't have it removed at it's attached to my bowl) but I've now read that a few ladies have had a lap done at serum costing £1500 and they have endo probs along with adhesions. How comes uk clinics don't spot it and I've seen 3 individual clinics now for scans etc. So very frustrating isn't it. 

So am I right in saying that your IVF no 6 was chemical and this is the one after all the bit & bobs you had done? If you don't mind me asking where do you go from here now? I see that no 7 was a sad outcome to for you... Has Penny ever discussed or suggested DE with you yet? Not knowing what to do for the best is a mare. I've tried everything now bar DE which I fear will be my only option next xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hey hun, 
My 8th cycle actually worked ( sorry too scared to update siggy ) and i'm almost 11 weeks now ( please God let it continue to do well!) 
I had my first chemical on my first serum cycle after my hysteroscopy which was uneventful . After that cycle penny thought i may have failed because of adheasions in the uterus that may have formed after the first hysto so she sent me for another one- again nothing. Then we cycled immediately after hysto in Oct 2012 ( this was the 7th cycle) and my eggs were affected by endo. I still had a 50% top grade blast formation but it didn't take.... Although Penny thinks it was probably another chemical  as my period took ages to arrive after stopping meds ( on bfns it is here in 2 days after stopping meds regardless of the progesterone dose ) 
Thimios said eggs had endo damage so off i went for a lap. I had it in the UK as my insurance covers it. 

did you have a laparoscopy or a hysteroscopy ? If lap , did they look for endo?  I think the hysto is what costs €1500 the lap+ hysto is €4000.... I think! 

I tried to discuss DE with Penny , we wanted to  adopt an embryo (double donnor frostie)  as part of cycle 7 as she said they didn't think i'll get to transfer but we ended up with 3 top grade blasts.  She got really upset with me when i suggested it and said i'm not for DE all i need to do is sort out the endo ( i had my chocolate cyst back  for that cycle and she drained it)  And she was right...  

I knew i had endo for ages... When we started the whole journey i had a chocolate cyst ( endo cyst ) on my left ovary which indicates severe endo. Suprise suprise the lap in 2010 revealed stage 4 endo! All cleaned up b4 cycle one but back 3 months later as i started stimms... Dh had the morphology issues then too which were fixed after the infections were treated at Serum! 
Then we had the chemical cycle, the egg quality cycle and then the positive cycle... 

Did they tell you what cysts you had?  Endo cysts or just simple cysts? They have different appearance on ultrasound

I personally think that( where feasible)  one should always give a carefully planned OE cycle one last go so they are sure there is no hope for OE. I paid for a two cycle package at Serum with the thought this is it- if it doesn't work, regardless of what Penny says i'm going DE! 
I also think that one has to ensure that everything in the baby room is fixed to the extent possible so you know you have the best chance .  

I think that even if i had transferred double donor  embryos  in the endo infested abdomen it probably would've failed... 
Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that if you have endo its not going to work-  it is not  the cause  or solution for everyone, for some it makes no difference and their cycles work without removing it... Some remove it and it still wont work because there might be other underlying issues! 

You can always arrange a consult with Serum- fly there or a phone call and see what she thinks. Believe me you'll get a very honest opinion! 
X


----------



## Michimoo

Hi Ladies,

I've just been catching up on the last few days.
I have been suffering with Period from HELL!!! So have been rolling round the floor in agony! Just a monthly reminder that I'm not pg! Happy days.

Anyway ....
Lil one - congrats on being PUPO!    fabulouso with the 2 grade 1's

Lucky B- why does the clinic only take cash for the hysto? Did you take 1000E out there with you in cash or did you go to the bank over there? 

Rory - I will be about day 25 when I have my appt & I definitely won't be pg as DH will still be away during OV this month. If I was then I'd be getting a divorce!   I am definitely going to have an Aquascan but am hoping that all is clear & I'm not recommended for a hysto. I'm sure if you don't need one then she won't encourage a hysto for the sake of it?? I've not seen many women post who have been told they don't need one that's all!

Beth - how was your first day back at work? How is LO doing?

Squirrel - how did the immune results go?

sL4E - how is your 1 day a week going? Are you relaxing the other days?

Rach - when do you go out to Penny? How much info do you get to know about the Donor with her?

Hi HBK - we all know how you feel  

Hi to everyone else  

This DHEA is starting to give me headaches & I really need to get back on my diet & gym regime. I've slacked off for the last couple of weeks as been down in the dumps & can't be bothered but if I'm wanting to be in a bikini in Athens next month I guess I better start again! Hmmmmm maybe tomorrow the wine is calling again tonight!  
I sent my menstrual sample back off to Serum yesterday to get my bacterial load retested as when I cycled at ARGC they treated me with antibiotics. So I'm hoping things have sorted themselves out now. I'll be a bit peed off if they haven't as those antibiotics were awful!


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Oh Michi bloody AF! Sorry to hear you are in pain ... Hope it eases off hun!  the 1000€  goes for the surgeon  not Serum. As far as i know Serum doesn't take any money for arranging the hysto-  you can either pay the consultant directly or give the money to Serum and they will give to consultant
I think that if you have had the infections Penny generally tends to suggest hysto- but you can discuss with her - she won't push you to do anything she doesn't believe is necessary- she's been trying to save me money all the way! 

Xxxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hi ladies

Thanks Beth & Lucky.. I've been on this thread for 2 years now and even after being away for so long you always make me feel welcome. 

I'm sorry there's a few more names on here.. Dam ivf & infertility. I did an article in last weeks Grazia magazine about my ivf journey in the aid to bring awareness of infertility to men & women in the hope to save some coupes the misery we are faced with. 

Xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hiya HBK, sorry you're back again hun. I still haven't given up hope of us pushing prams together   
Mich, hope the AF gripes are easier today.
Beth, been thinking of you yesterday and today, hope it's gone well for both you & young W.
Lil One,     coming your way
Lucky B, it took a huge deep breath before I updated my sig....
Squirrel, any results news?
Rory & Rach,   
Bet my DH will have man flu this weekend cos he's been for a day's fishing in the pouring rain, there'll be no sympathy from me. Got consultant appt 2moro.


----------



## rory2011

Hbk I read your article. Well done, you were brave about sharing your story.


----------



## bethholm

HBK- can you poss scan your article and email it to me as I'd love to read it- but I guess it's not in the shops anymore?

AFM- thanks for the well wishes re work- if only we could all win the lottery!

B xxx


----------



## pinkpixie

Hbk that's lovely sharing your story unfortunately most of the stories in the press don't show the reality of it. Would love to read it xxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Sorry just needed a tantrum.
Had my Vit D levels checked on suggestion of ARGC & got the results today & they are so low I'm now on 3000mg a day for the next 3 months.
I asked the flipping Dr to check them last year & was told there was no need!
Peed off dot com


----------



## rory2011

How pants Michi. You would have thought they'd be happy to test as lots of people are vit d deficient.


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hi ladies

Michimoo.. Ffffin dr's sometimes are pants!! Bloomin heck kiddo, I'm going to get all my levels checked again.. May aswell start a fresh. 

Bless you ladies re my article.. If any of you want to read it if you pm me your email address I can email you the article to read.. It's a true story & from my heart xxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

P.s my bloomin photo is horrendous though.. WARNING!! I look sly on it and I hate it.. Look at image two much more me with my nieces and my friends son xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi ladies , hoping you are all well. X 

Michimoo- hope you vit d levels improve. Can't believe they did not test you before. X 

Beth- hope work has been ok for you.  Ae you on half term now? 

Sl4e- how's the little baba doing? Hoping you are well and loving pregnancy. 

Lucky b- hoping you and BoB are doing well. X

Hi hbk. 

Afm - well donor is ready for EC on Monday so ET for me is next Saturday. So have just booked my flights out to Athens AGAIN! As much as I love the place I am getting rather bored of it now. Praying this is the last time I have to go. Twelfth time lucky?  So pleased it fell in half term. I have only been back to work a week and a half after having three months off unpaid leave! Maybe it's a sign!!! Praying the luck continues. X x x

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Michimoo,    for your doc! I'm on 4 horse sized calcium & vit D pills a day because my levels are low, but luckily they were checked at rheumatology.
Rach, how exciting! 
Hbk, thanks for the email hun. Article is very moving, and the photo with the children is lovely x
Hope everyone has a good bank holiday, I'm in relax mode already - last night's dishes still waiting to be done. Defo need a dishwasher before bubs arrives - all seems well there, 14 weeks tomorrow x


----------



## Michimoo

Sl4e - wow 14 weeks already! Time flies. Yeah I'm on horse sized vit D & Calcium tabs which are chewable & lemon flavoured. They are actually really nice   I'm on just 2 a day. 
HBK - can you send me the link to your article? Would love a read. 
Rach keeping everything crossed for you.
Right well I had a lovely lunch today and am trying not to raid the sweetie cupboard as I'm well over my daily calorie intake!


----------



## rory2011

Good luck Rach....  this means the next time you go to Greece it's for a holiday with your little one! 

Lil one, hope you're not going too   on your 2ww xx

Hope everyone is enjoying some bank hol weekend sunshine!


----------



## squirrel2010

Happy bank holidays girlies, hope the sun shining for you all xx

Good luck Rach xx
Sl4e and lucky b - glad all well xx
Hi HBKmorris - congrats on the article xx
Michimoo - am glad I am not the only one raiding sweetie cupboards?! Nom nom nom, fizzy cola bottles. Cant believe your vit d levels, i hope this is the thing that makes the differeence for you xx
Rory - hi hon, hows tricks? Xx
Beth - hope all well xx
LilOne - thinking of you on evil 2ww xx

Everyone - happy bank holiday xx

AFM spent a small fortune on immune tests, NK all ok, cytokines high so steroids and aspirin. V scared of taking steroids, any advice or reassurance? Also heading to Spain for endometrial biopsy and scratch, bit scared again. Ok, totally scared, about anaesthetic in different country on my own. Nerves frazzled, but need to be brave, am fed up of trying to be brave when essentially I am not!  

Sorry to be a miserable squirrel,   to all xxxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hi squirrel, hope I can reassure you a bit about steroids?
Been on 5mg pred for 9 years, higher dose if lupus has flared. I did gain weight a first, but managed to shift it. The steroids haven't turned me into a moon-faced hairy monster! They have caused low calcium levels, but I'm on the horse pills now, and my bone density is fine. Didn't cause problems with my periods either. I do notice that I catch colds more easily, and cuts take longer to heal, that's all. I upped the dose to 10mg as I had slighlty elevated NK cells for 3 weeks from ET to 1 week after BFP to help implantation. I was advised by the doc in Czech not to exceed that as sometimes higher doses can impede the absorption of the sex hormones, I've not researched that one, but took his word for it. I think steroids get a lot of 'bad press', used sensibly at a minimum dose with close monitoring then they do help. Good luck sweetie with the trip to Spain x
Lil One    
Lots of love for everyone else xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Afternoon ladies   
Rach -   this is your time,   12 is definitely a lucky number   
Michi - totally understand your frustration, the GPs just know a little about lots, but i know that as nice as my previous one was, she still wasn't an expert about IF, hope it's on it's way up now   
Squirrel - don't worry about the steroids, i have taken a fair few and i am fine...hoping all goes well in Spain   
SL4E - 14 weeks   great!! a bit closer still......
Hi to you all   and thank you for sending good wishes.  Trying not to get totally   on the 2ww.  Work is a pleasent distraction, apart from a dramatic pg colleague, not on K-watch as the gestone will keep it away.
We had good news that one of the frosties made it to a good for freezing blasto - so that's waiting for us too, haven't got that far, so hoping it's a good sign for the others snuggling in........impossible to tell, Friday is the day         
Lil' one


----------



## Hbkmorris

My only advise about steroids is whatch your food intake coz you will feel more hungry and watch the amount of sugar in your food! Drink loads & loads of water. As for Endo scratch take 2 strong pain killers an hour before hand which will help with any pain you may have, when I had my biopsy it was tender for about 10 seconds but the scratch didn't hurt half as much. You'll be fine, just think you've gotta go through this to get our dream.. Xxx 

I'm trying to get the email of my article ladies.. Bare with me and I promise to get it to you very soon xxx


----------



## pinkpixie

Squirrel I was on steroids on last cycle and although I did have side effects they went quite quickly as soon as i stopped them. They did increase my appetite, my face swelled and did cause insomnia but u do take them for a relatively short period of time and it take a while for me to show any side effects. Advice I to take them first thing in morning to help with insomnia and make sure u eat sensibly.  Have they advised intralipids or anything else Good luck to all of you still ave everything crossed for all of you
Xxxxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. Hoping you are all ok. 

Squirrel I echo what the others have said about steroids. You just have to watch your food intake and insomnia. But apart form that I have never had a problem with them. Am just starving all the time! And have clearly put on weight - mind you with the number of cycles I have done lately I have basically been on them constantly since last November with only a few days break in between each cycle. 

Lil'one - excellent news about your frosty. Hoping the 2ww is going quickly for you. Praying it is your time for that well deserved bfp. 

Sl4e-14weeks-that has gone soooooo quickly. Hoping you are all good. 

Rory- how's it all going? 

Michigan of- think I will still be in Athens when you are here. So let me know if you wanna meet up for a coffee or bit to eat.

Beth- hope William is ok and work was not too scary. Are you on half term now? 

Well arrived in Athens at 4 this morning. Stayed in the president for one night before moving into an apartment. Mega hot here at 33 degrees. Looking forwards to chilling out after going to clinic tomorrow for scan, aqua scan, blood tests and everything else. Hoping donor produced good eggs yesterday and that they have been getting jiggy with it with dp's sperm. Don't know how many we have got. Am just gonna find out tomorrow as I am likening the ' ignorance is bliss'  thought at the moment. Popping out to enjoy the sunshine now. 

Rach x


----------



## rory2011

Squirrel I was ok with steroids too. 
Lil one fab news re frostie.....hoping you won't not ink about for at least 9 months!

Rach, hope you are still chillin in Athens, hope you get good news re embies.

Beth hope your little one is ok.
Sl4e, 14 weeks has sped by! 
Michi hope you get to Athens, it was the best thing we did...I just wished we had gone sooner.
Hbk, pink pixie, and anyone else reading hello

Afm, af here..have a feeling that this trying naturally is not going to work....I have no pma! Saying that have now finished reservatol and have a hols booked in July so hopefully something may happen. Doesn't help that dh is super busy and worried he is not going to be around for ov time this month! I am not very good at not thinking about having babies, ivf or ovulation, immune results, etc....wish my brain would switch off sometimes. Anyway dh and I have decided to think about next ivf cycle in sept with a view to start asap, although sometimes think in ma wasting time trying but at the same time we won't be able to cycle before then due to work things, weddings etc and penny closes in August!


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello beautiful ladies from stormy spain!

Thank you all for your advice and reassurances about the steroids, hugely appreciated.
Rory - thanks buddy, all the very very best for your natural trying, and holiday! I know it must be frustrating but at least you have a back up plan for later in the year. I hate being in limbo though so hugs for you xx
Rach - thanks for advice, wishing you all the best for your procedures, and also for the little eggies, looking forward to hearing how it goes! Think you are incredibly strong for all your fighting and efforts, it had better be rewarded! Xx
Pink pixie - thank you very much for posting! Hope all good with you. No intralipids for me, just the steroids and aspirin! Even that seems far too complicated for my little squirrelly brain! Xx
Hbkmorris - thank you too for your advice and reassurances about the scratch etc! Means a lot xx
LilOne, good luck good luck good luck!! Xx
Everyone - sending you all some virtual spanish tapas and sparkling cava! Thanks for supporting me xx

So...valium tonight, little op tomorrow, doc being fab, still scared but am not a brave person! Thank you for your support, will go online tomorrow xxxx


----------



## bethholm

Rachel and Squirrel- rooting for you both back home in Blighty and all the other ladies on here.

Praying for some more miracles.

AFM- half term after 3 days back at work.I could seriously cope with 3 days work then a week off all the time! It wasn't too bad leaving William as I didn't have a choice, seeing he cost in excess of £52,000! What was hard was getting out of the house by 6.30am to drop him off at my parents and a total of 80 minutes driving time to work! Roll on the 6 week holidays!

Much love to you all.

B xxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hi Beth! Glad all is well and you managed the 3 days    
Rach  Rooting for you girlie!  
Sorry no more personals but im thinking of you all! freaking busy at work and i'm so tired i need a break! 
  No results back yet from the Braverman lab so he told me yesterday to stay on  full dose pred past the 12 weeks if we have to until we get the results! I'm coming off Neupogen at 12w  though so last jab tomorrow! Bricking it and  scan not until end of next week! OMG how am i going to make it!


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone,

Haven't posted for a while but I have been following. Guess I stopped commenting as I was so unsure of our next step. Finally have made the decision to go again but with a new clinic. Plans are on hold at the moment as I have a broken arm so in plaster! Does give us a few months more to save. We only had our first cycle on NHS and our 2 FET and last ICSI we had to pay for. Our new clinic is more expensive as well. Was doing well with the weight loss until my accident as well  

Sorry it's a me post but wanted to pop in and say hi to you all and let you know I am  for you all.

Stay positive ladies and look after yourself.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hi Mogster! 
Yay for starting again! Boooooo for arm incident though 
Which clinic are you going for? 

Xxx


----------



## Mogster

Hi *LuckyB* 

We are going to Guys as they offer evening and weekend appointments. It's a bit more expensive but takes away lots of stress. People at work don't know and my boss isn't always that supportive. Don't want to tell her as don't know which way she would go 

I'm actually feeling  about starting again  

Hi to everyone else


----------



## rory2011

Great news mogster.   this is your time for a bfp!


----------



## rory2011

Hi to everyone, hope you have some sunshine today. Lil one how are you holding up on 2ww?


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies
Hello again, Mogster - great that you are having some more trt, is that the right word??  I'm with you on the stress reduction thing, too.  We've tried to keep our trt as secret as possible.
Lucky - ooooo nearly there for the 12w mark   
Rach - hope it's all going to plan for you, how did the EC and fert go?  Keeping everything crossed for you that this is your time   
Squirrel - you brave little squirrel, hope you're ok and you're now recovering from the op   
Beth - wow, that some dosh, but all worth it, i have no doubt.  We have spent a small fortune, too.
Rory, and evryone - thank you so much for your good wishes.
Well, today was OTD and i am absolutely beside myself with excitement to say we have a   .  I know we still have a long way to go and lots of milestones, but crossing everything possible that it all goes smoothly.  I am still taking the gestone - oh joy of joys, plus cyclogest and clexane, but frankly i'd inject my eyeballs with treacle if they said it would help!!  Beta Hcg today at 4w was 66.5, which i think is pretty bang on, and have another blood test on Tuesday...............little milestones      
Have a lovely weekend, lovely ladies
Lil' one


----------



## bethholm

OMG- just quickly read it and seen your news!!!!!!Will now post this and read your post properly!!!!!

B cxx


----------



## rory2011

Fantastic news lil one, so pleased.....slowly but surely we will all get our bfp's!! Hope you get more good news on Tuesday xxxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Well done Lilone , what do you think made the difference?! Either way, I want some too tee hee! Nice one chick! Xxxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Woooooooooohooooooooo! Way to go! X


----------



## Mogster

Wow! Congrats


----------



## pinkpixie

Fab news massive congratulations xxxxx


----------



## Rach76

Lilone - oh my god that is fantastic news- whoooooooop so so so so so pleased for you. X x x x x x x. X 

Well hadn't had e mail for most of my time in Athens but have booked into the president for my last night so have managed to get on here today.

Having a nightmare as usual -lining crap, penny had to remove an adhesion when doing the aqua scan, progesterone levels too low, oestrogen levels high , WBC too low and now very high. But had transfer anyway so have three fab blasts on board and three in the freeze. Not holding out much hope but you have gotta try! So the plan is if it doesn't work to have another hysteroscopy and transfer frozen embies next month. Always have to have a plan!!! On progest shots due to low progesterone levels and god they hurt my ****!!! Lol x

A big hug to all the other lovely ladies. Will do personals as soon as I can. Love to all. X x x. X


----------



## rory2011

Rach, glad you managed to get to transfer.fx everything goes well now xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Rach

That's great news the blasts, and the little snow babies,   for you.
I usually do the gestone in the thigh these days, upper thigh at the front, I think it hurts a lot less, maybe worth asking about it.  Enjoy your night of luxury, and have a safe journey home.  Will be thinking of you,

Thanks to you all for the good wishes, my current obsession is googling hcg levels (mine was 57 at 11dp3dt) and peeing on sticks, does it never end?

Lil' one


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hello ladies, I've not been on for a while but I just wanted to say massive congrats for the BFP.. How wonderful to read. 

Rach, congrats on blast transfer.. I've my fingers and toes crossed for you and your plan B will be for sibling. 

Lil, I'd be the same.. I google everything so I totally understand your action.. Bloomin internees sends us all cuckoo!! 

Anyhow ladies I'm going to email Beth but in the meantime could any of you who have had double donor with serum tell me how much your tx cost with donors? Also ladies how much have the flights and accom cost you once there? I'm just trying to work out finances but jeez I'm scaring myself at the expense!! I'm 39 on Thursday so thinking use my eggs that are frozen if they don't thaw/fert I'm going to save up for DD but I'll have to wait a year or more xx


----------



## Rach76

Hbk - a donor cycle in Athens is 5000 euros. Not sure if this is the same for DD. flights are about 300-400 each way at the moment as it is hitting summer. Accommodation- I stayed in a really nice apartment for just 35 euro a night . This is the cheapest I have found. However the Internet went funny so I could not use it for a couple of the days. The owners lovely. It's in a very nice area in walking distance from clinic. If you are not too fussed about use of Internet the. I think this apartment is excellent. If you want any more details just let. Me know. I have also stayed I. A number of other apartments which a a little bit more expensive but very nice. Just let me know if you want the details. Also president has a good deal on at the moment through booking.com at only £50 per night-single. Not sure ow much for two people. 

Rach x


----------



## Rach76

Hope you understand my last message. Am on phone and it went a bit nuts! Lol x x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Thank you Rach, it's not something I'd look at doing for a year so knowing my luck prices will go up!! I'd also chose to cycle out of summer/busy travel times in the hope to make it all cheaper. 

Thank you once again.. Oh and yes I have the same probs typing on my phone!! I find myself checking non stop!! Xx


----------



## bethholm

HBK- looking forward to hearing from u my lovely- Rach is spot on with costs.

B xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Hi ladies.
Wow go away for a week & come back to some amazing news. Congratulations lil one!!   

Rach fab news on 3 blasts & Fets you must be pleased. I didn't make it to Athens (hence the not being on here for a few days) otherwise I would've loved to of met up.

Hi to all the other ladies. Just a quick post from me to give you all an update.

Well the short version is DH was stuck in Angola with no passport last week. He had numerous visits to the British Embassy over there & finally was given an emergency passport to fly home on. However he still has no passport!!! He is in London today at the passport office trying to see what he can do.
The problem is his passport is still in Angola waiting for a long term visa & he is now in the UK. This means that he still has a valid passport even though its not in his possession. So trying to get another one so we can fly to Athens to see Penny is near on impossible! 
Things are never easy are they? I hate 2013 so far! Lol


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Just come back from a break in Somerset, with the outlaws, we had no internet access or mobile signals, I was on tenterhooks not being able to find out Lil One's news..... but how fab to come back to a   . Well done,    for the next 8 months.
Rach, keeping everything crossed for you on your 2WW.
hello Mogster, we had a success story from Guys earlier this year - Coweyes had a little girl after tx there. Everything crossed for you, and hope your arm heals up soon too.
squirrel, hope you're home safely, and thank you for sending some Spanish sunshine back to us.
Michimoo, hope hubby can get some travel docs sorted out. How frustrating.
Lucky B, hope the days fly by til your scan.
Hello to Rory, Beth, HBK, pink pixie and everyone reading x


----------



## rory2011

Michi what a pain. I hope your dh gets his passport sorted soon. I have a feeling that some people can have 2 passports particularly if they travel a lot and need to send away for visa's etc....but you then need to make sure you have the correct one if visiting somewhere with a visa to ame sure you have the right passport with the visa in! 

Lil one, still got a big smile? I suppose its the next waiting game for the scan now! 

Rach hope you're doing ok. 

Sl4e & lucky b how are you and your bumps? 

Squirrel, hope all was well in Spain. 

Hbk, how are you? It's good to have a back up plan. Still dithering between seeing if mfs will work with neupogen on out next cycle or just go to serum. Anyway we can't cycle before oct, so have time to dither some more. 

Hey Beth, hope William is ok and pink pixie your little one is doing well too. 
Mogster, I have heard some good things about guys, having appts when you need them takes away a bit of stress

Hello to anyone else reading xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

SL4E - how was Somerset?

Michi - I hope dh has sorted out his passport, what a nightmare - as if you need that right now?

Beth - how is everything going?

Hi to everyone else, sorry I am a bit all over the place....

Afm - what can i say........it's all bad....again.... went for repeat hcg today.  Have been sending myself crazy all weekend - daily hpt but no darkening level, so today's bloods show levels have dropped.  
So that's fresh cycle 6, the firthest we've got, but early misscarriage.
We do have a snow baby. But i am loosing any snippett of hope I ever had.  I just don't get it, we get this far,  and lose them.  Would love some advice, shame we can't meet up, would love to put my arms out to you ladies tonight....dh is struggling too and feel so alone


Hope you're all ok, lovelies

Lil' one


----------



## rory2011

Oh lil one 
I am so sorry xx
Give dh a big hug and have a cry xx


----------



## Michimoo

Oh lil one I'm so so sorry. I had a little tear for you too. I was really routing for you.
I can offer a virtual   & would love to give you a real one.
We are here for you whenever you need us.
I don't know what else to say apart from take your time to grieve. Howl if you need to.
Lots of love
M
Xxxx


----------



## bethholm

Lil'one- I was so so thrilled to hear your news last week and heartbroken tonight when I read your post.I will PM you tomorrow and see it we can put forward a cunning plan for you my lovely.

Much love and virtual hugs

B xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One,     , I'm so sorry this has happened. Like everyone else, I wish there was something I could do to put it all right again.


----------



## Rach76

Oh nooooooo. I just can't believe it. I am so so so sorry lil'one. Sending you loads of hugs. Absolutely gutted for you. X x x. X x x. X


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Oh noooooo!  
Are you on any immune support meds lovie? 
Xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies
Thank you for the virtual hugs   
Rach - how is it all going?   
Brumbar - i have been taking prednisolone since EC, my clinic prescribes in routinely, plus clexane.  I also had an intralipid infusion a few days before previous AF, one on day 6 of stimms.  My clinic don't do immune investigations first.
So..............my thoughts are.....must go somewhere that does full immune tests, rather than take something blindly, however, this is our most successful IVF cycle, as previous pregs (2 that we know of) were naturals, so is there something in their theory that the eggs/ embryos didn't like the heavy hormones?  We have one 'beautiful blastocyst' at the clinic so will defo so FET asap in natural cycle.  Must use gestone for luteal support as this is the firthest  (? spelling is crap) and don't bleed on gestone - always bleed on pessaries alone) - although my cons doesn't agree with efficacy of it.....but assuming we may need to do another fresh.
Really want to try Serum, and i read lots of great stories, but still stuck on my own eggs.......DH isn't keen on ARGC as it's so full on....
Anyway, decisions to make.
I hope you are all ok lovelies,
Lil' one


----------



## Mogster

*Lil' one*
So sorry to hear your news.   
Only thing I can say is take the small bit of good news with getting further than other cycles. 
Hope you get a plan sorted.
Take care


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

I would recomend Braverman in the states if  you have the money to spare. He  cost me less than what i spent with Gorgy for testing and he won't leave a stone unturned! I think i spent 1000 us on consults and about 1800 us on the testing to get me to BFP. Then two sets of monitoring tests at about 1000usd each! He did not charge me for advise for monitoring... Ithink its included in the testing cost

But!!!!  if you go with him you'll need someone to prescribe his treatment plan and i suspect he'll stick you on Neupogen so unless your clinic prescribes it or you  go to Serum, or you  fly to Greece and charm a pharmacist there to give it to on an american prescription , you will need an EU  doc .. 

Alternatively I guess ARGC , Gorgy  in the UK , or dr.E in Greece can test you. I think Dr.E is cheapest but i have my reservations towards him and i personally cannot not recommend him although many other ladies will! 

I got a chemical on a cycle with pred only, negative on a cycle with Neupogen only and positive on higher dose neupogen+ low dose pred.

Lots of hugs sweets 
Xxxx


----------



## bethholm

Simple- 3 words- Get.To.Serum.

Will PM you later my lovely. Virtual hugs.

B xxx


----------



## Michimoo

I would personally recommend ARGC for immunes. Hey it's £600 & something & it'll take 2 weeks to come back. You could then maybe supply the test results to Crete? 
Go get your vitamin D levels checked as well just as an add on. (Talking from my recent experience. )
I'm back off to ARGC tomorrow to get my cytokines re checked.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Second recommendation for serum from me.  


The immune tests i ran in the UK showed nada! Braverman's first tests showed  nothing worrying but were much more advanced and comete than anything i've had elsewhere, even Gorgy's tests were not  complete for him and i had to re do everything! Full HLA testing and everything! 
The new improved tests Braverman runs revealed the cytokine imbalance he suspected initially ( but had no confirmation of)  so we eventually during pregnancy figured out what was wrong - i was 9 -10 weeks when i drew that panel but lucky the Neupogen had shifted it enough to allow implantation...  Explains also why the lower dose neupogen didn't work for me! 

Michi, any news on  the passport? 
Would ARGC run immunes if you are not cycling with them? 
Xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Yes passport secured so all systems go next week. We have decided to actually treat this trip as a holiday (as we haven't had one for 2 years) & meeting Penny for the consultation is just something we have planned one morning. 
Our whole life has been IVF consumed we didn't want this trip to be the same.
DH isn't happy about me having a hysteroscopy over there as we don't know anything about them & I have issues with general anaesthetics. I also want to be able to swim & enjoy our lovely hotel. I don't want to be in bed for the short time we are there.

So I'm actually quite excited about going as I haven't been on holiday or away with DH for I don't know how long! I really think this is what we need as a couple to just get away from life stresses. 
not sure about ARGC & immune testing if your not cycling with them. Although I do know that this test is always done in the monitoring cycle. So you could do that & then just choose not to cycle with them.   naughty but if you naturally got PG you couldn't cycle there could you? 
M
Xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Dear lovely ladies,

LilOne - I am so very sorry, I was so sure this was your time. I know I cannot say much to make you feel better but I do care, and I think this world is a very unfair place. In fact, it a travesty that such gorgeous ladies on here are having such troubles when they dont deserve any of it. I know it is a small comfort but you are a step further and you know you can achieve implantation. Now we need the right embryo to fight, and your body to hold onto it. I know the hormones will be playing with you right now too, so just take it day by day and keep your chin up and tits out. Ok, so maybe just your chin right now, but you can get throught this. We are here, you sound very brave xx

Michimoo - all the best for your trip! Definitely try and get some dh quality time, but I hope Penny can bring you hope and a good safe hysterocopy. I hear so many good things about them from everyone on this thread, I just know you will be looked after xx

Lucky B - hi! What is neupogen? Hope all good xx

Beth - you need cheer leading pom poms for Serum   and you are one of the top success stories   xx

Rach, Rory, Mogster, Sl4e, hbk, pink pixie - hello   and hope all ticking along well xx

Thank you everyone for your Spanish well wishes, really appreciated xx

AFM, the clinic looked after me soooo well, waiting for biopsy results, cheeky endo scratch done at same time, and loved the sedation as am not brave at all! Weird getting back on the horse and subjecting myself to all the old familiar emotions of hope, terror, determination, more terror, blah blah blah. Oh, and drropping my knickers in front of everyone again  . Still blush and hate it. One day I will vajazzle pre doc appt to really give them something to think about!

One foot in front of the other my buddies. Lil One - fairy steps and lean on us. Thinking of you lots of love to you all from this little squirrel xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Michi,  great news! Enjoy!!!! I'm sure you'll love athens!  I actually walked to the hotel from the hospital after the second hysto! No pain nothing! Was completely on my own... brave i know... probably borderline silly Lol
But yes.... no swimming ...  ... and i'm generally ok after GA so less worry... 

Squirel, glad you are happy with the clinic and as you say it is a step further in the right direction! 

The buggers at the Fetal Medicine Center cancelled my nuchal at 17pm yesterday - i was supposed to be in at 11 today! reason : the harmony test results are not back! Rescheduled for tomorrow, but i still have the NHS scan today... Praying all is fine withBoB and must remember to drink water! 
Can swear i feel slightly nauseated today LOL ! i know its just nerves but not fun!  


Love to all!
Xxxx


----------



## waikiki

L'il one - I'm really only a lurker on this board these days, but wanted to send you big     .

And to second Brumbar's recommendation of Dr Braverman - it is a little trickier to have immune testing and tx with him, but I believe he is the most thorough consultant I have seen so far (I have had multiple cycles with the Lister, Dr Gorgy and Serum in the past).  If immune issues are found, he works with Dr Redondo in Barcelona to dispense prescriptions in the UK - you would need to allow a little extra time to allow for the prescriptions to arrive in the post etc, but other than that it's not too much of a headache.

Specifically a couple of things have impressed me about Braverman so far - that he does by far the most comprehensive set of immune tests and that he also tests once you are on the medication, to make sure that you are on the correct dosage.  It may seem like a simple thing, but every other doctor I ever saw before put me on a one size fits all dosage, which may not have been right for me as an individual.

Anyway, take time to recover from your sad news, and please PM me if you have any questions.

 waikiki


----------



## longtimewaiting

Massive hugs lil' one. Devastatingly sad news, I'm so sorry and wish there was something I could do or say to help. Might be helpful to know Peny at Serum uses the lowest stims she can for the shortest time, she thought one of the reasons our fresh cycles never worked before was too much stims. Loads of love xxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Not that I'm getting my hopes up but I've just been to my acupuncturist who seemed particularly interested in my pulse today & if I got jiggy around OV this month.
He has said that just to be on the safe side maybe I should ask Penny for a blood test to make sure I'm not pg before she does an aqua scan. (Pigs might fly out my butt first) 

Anyone know if she does them?

How you doing lil one?

Xx


----------



## Rach76

Yes penny does them. X


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Apologies for going awol,  we have been a couple of hermits........
Now going away for a week to recover.
I will get back on top of where you all are when I get back,
Will be thinking of you all in your journeys x
Lil' one


----------



## Rach76

Lil'one sending your loads of hugs x x x


----------



## Michimoo

Well ladies I'm off to Athens tomorrow & am really excited cause we haven't had a holiday in over 2 years!
I am intrigued to meet the infamous Penny & although we are still both
Pro ARGC at the moment, it'll be interesting to see another perspective.
We are taking over our huge file of notes, which takes some weight allowance away from my suitcase.  
Maybe the millions of pairs of shoes will have to be reduced!


How's everyone doing as its been a little quiet on here?

M
xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Michi! 
Wooohoooo! Enjoy Athens !  I bet it will be a very different experience from what you may have had in the UK- I've not been to ARGC but i suspect they have the same "clinical" approach as other clinics here  do... It is much more relaxed in Serum  and that made me feel much better whilst cycling! 

Can you fit me in your suitcase? )))) 

X


----------



## bethholm

Michi- safe journey tomorrow and can't wait for you to meet our wonderful Peny.You will be in safe hands.

B xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One, hope you have a healing time away together   
Mich, happy hols! I've always thought of my tx trips abroad as holidays with a potential bonus   . At least being abroad, it's easy to keep the tx side of things quiet with the nosey parkers back home x
rach, hope everything still going to plan for you x
Waikiki, lovely to see you, and glad you're still keeping an eye on us x
LTW, hope life at home with baby Rose is wonderful x
 Beth, Rory, Squirrel, Mogster, Lucky B, HBK and anyone else reading.
Is it me, or does it seem like the whole world is pregnant? I was in the outreach project shop where I work on saturday....and i swear every female customer was about to drop! I know I'm in that blessed situation too, but I'll never forget the journey to get here - or what my friends on here are still going through x


----------



## Rach76

BFN for me once again! Even the best embryos ( and apparently they were better than grade1)  in the world could not implant or grow in my crappy uturus!! don't know where to go from here and can't seem to get hold of Penny. I don't think it is ever gonna work. Maybe it is just time to give up. Am frustrated, ****** off and extremely sad. 

Sorry for no personals not really in the best of places today. 

Hoping everyone is ok.

Rach x


----------



## rory2011

Oh Rach, I am so sorry   
Hope you get hold of Penny soon. I had really hoped that this was going to work for you. I am sure she'll have a plan.

Michi, Penny is a lovely lady even dh was impressed that she actually wanted to find out what was wrong and not be fobbed off with a try a another cycle/ think about surrogacy route.
Enjoy the sunshine...have some oregano chips too...they are lovely (Beth I think you mentioned them, I wish you hadn't as we now do them at home!)

sl4e, i know what you mean about pregnant people, there are 3 at work and I've been to 2 training days recently and the pregnant ladies seem to be attracted to me as they come and sit next to me.

Hey to everyone else, hope you're doing ok!


----------



## Rach76

Hi Rory, was just wondering how much the Immune testing was in Athens? Thinking of getting them done whilst in Athens having another hysteroscopy. 

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Oh Rach love, I simply can't believe your news. It's beyond unfair


----------



## rory2011

Rach, sent you a pm.


----------



## Mogster

Just a quick message to say I'm so sorry Rach  
Life is just so hard at times


----------



## squirrel2010

Rach   you poor angel  . I am gobsmacked and just want you to know how much support you have from us all. Anything we can do, let us help. I have recently had all the immune testing and even though it makes it more costly and complicated, it can open new doors. Keep strong and give yourself a little bit of time to recharge your batteries. Hugs xx

Everyone, hi, hugs, sorry no more personals, thinking of you all. Things going bit wrong my end, so wont whine at you just yet. And yes, everyone is up the duff in my neck of the woods too   xx

Squirrel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Rach76, I'm so terribly sorry to read your post this morning. I truly hoped & believed that this time was your time.. i'm totally shocked. Massive    to you and i hope & pray to god that the pain eases really soon. 

Hello to everyone else, how are you all? sorry i've not been around but I started a new job last Monday and my goodness there's so much to learn so my heads been rather frazzled with info overload! I shall try and come back to the personals when I've a little more free time. 

Just a quicky to finish with i saw my GP went through aload of further tests I'd like, she's been very helpful and has referred me back to the hospital for a lap, hysto and anothing else the consultant thinks I should have.. she said we are going to go back to the begining looking for a diagnosis.. In a way I want them to find something else in another I don't want them to look!! Anyhow i'm just waiting for the apt to come through and I've agreed no more tx until this is all done so I may be looking at the end of the year for tx knowing how long waiting lists are on the NHS!! 

Love to you all, Bless you Rach and Beth I will get round to that email soon xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi sweeties.
Just wanted to put some info out there about this biopsy I had done - to check if my implantation window was correct or not ie are they chucking the little embryos back at the right time for them to grab hold...well, surprise surprise abnormal non receptive results for me. What a waste of our lifes savings, and three years and blah blah blah, anyhow - new plan is to repeat the biopsy with seven days of progesterone instead of five, to see if that can catch my receptive time.... Interesting, frustrating, maybe more hope now yet another thing has been found?? Seems to be no point chucking embryos in if they cant be accepted  , and I am gutted about our perfect genetically normal blast from last time. Poor thing never had a hope. I have to say I am in bits right now.  

Sorry for the me me me rant xxxx


----------



## rory2011

Squirrel, so sorry, we had similar news after our hysto that our 4 ivf's would never had worked because of my womb...gutted to say the least.
Hopefully there will be a plan for you and it will work
xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Squirrel may I ask what test that was please? What did it involve? I'd be interested in speaking with the gyne specialist when I go for my lap also I'll mention it to my consultant.. It's such a disgrace we have to spend a fortune until they come up with some positive findings xx


----------



## Michimoo

Oh Rach I'm so sorry. I would definitely consider getting your immunes tested before the next stage, just to make sure.

Squirrel - sorry you are down. What's this biopsy & how'd you go about getting one & what does it tell you?
(Sorry far too many questions)!!!!

Hbk - what extra tests did the GP advise? Hope the new job is ok?

Sl4e - yes, yes, yes! Everyone is PG! Even our flipping waitress this evening!

Rory/Beth - oregano chips??!!

Lucky B - would've loved to of fit you in my suitcase but I had no room. My DH flipped when he picked it up this morning! Well you never know what you might need eh? 

Lil one & LTW - hope you are ok?

AFM - I'm here in Athens and think I have put on a stone in the last 12 hours!! I can't keep up with eating this much for 5 days otherwise I'll be excess baggage let alone my suitcase!!
So appt tomorrow morning with Penny. I gave the address to the girl on reception at our hotel & she said the address was very vague! It doesn't apparently give a specific address. So this should be fun. We are approx 10 mins away in a cab.
Talking of cabs ..... OMG ... Think I had kamikaze taxi driver from the airport. What a nutter! He was driving towards cars on the motorway & practically barging them out the way. I couldn't look in the end!
Right well it's late here so I need to sleep off some of this food! 
Night ladies
Xxx


----------



## Nm2bns

Hi ladies can I join your group?
Ill get round to putting my history in my signiture, but briefly,we've had 3 BFN's from ICSI so we belong here :-(


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello NM2, welcome. Hope you'll soon feel at home here, we all know exactly the stress and upset of BFNs.
Mich, enjoy your holiday, glad you arrived safely, in spite of the Greek drivers. Only ever been to Greece once, for a coach tour of all the ancient ruins. Think I kept my eyes shut on all the mountain passes   
Squirrel, let's look forward and hope that the hormone tablets will manipulate your womb lining to what it should be   
Lil One and Rach, sending you lots of   
HBK, I think there's a test called E-tegrity (or something similar) at the London Bridge Hospital, which looks for the lack of synch found on Squirrel's test.
Bet, Lucky B, Rory, Mogster, LTW - hiya lovely ladies!


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi sweeties, thanks for your good wishes xx

Biopsy called an ERA - an endometrial receptivity array. Patented in 2009 via research from IVI Foundation, and it analyses 238  genes which are meant to express endometrial receptivity. Most people start progesterone a certain amount of time pre embryo transfer, and this should open the implantation window for the embryo to stick. Some women have a displaced implantation window so even if the embryo is put back, the endometrium is not ready for it. My biopsy came back as pre receptive, so now I have to have a repeat test with 7 days of progesterone instead of 5. Then pray my window is blinking well open!! Am terrified! Do you think if I have had a biochem pregnancy, it means I do have a window?! I want a window!! 
The lab in Spain that does the test is called Iviomics.

Obviously the test has limitations, and is not black and white, but I just hope it explains some of our bfns and if it can be 'fixed' then maybe, just maybe...

Sorry for the waffle. 
Thank you all for your support. Only cried once at work today  . Doesnt help going cold turkey on the meds, and AF arriving in style. 

How are you all? Welcome NM2, sorry you find yourself here...

Hugs
Squirrel xxxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Big hugs squirrel. It does sound a very comprehensive test though. Hopefully this is the answer you needed?

Rach - did you get hold of Penny in the end? What has she suggested?

Nm2 - sorry you are here on this thread but we all feel your pain & as you can see some of us (not me) are PG after being in this thread for a while, we all hope the baby dust continues to rub off on all of us.   this is the place to rant if you need to.

Well ladies I'm still in Greece, back to see Penny today for a follow up consultation. 
To be fair she is making my head spin! 
For the first 20 mins of our consultation she directed everything at me saying from your history it points to your eggs, your eggs, your eggs, your eggs!
Don't do another ivf - just do natrual ivf, then give up on your eggs!
Then she did a scan,........wait for it........ Oh your ovaries are good, its not your eggs, you should do another ivf!
Eh?   
So I need clarification when we go back today as I'm more confused than before we got here!

I'll keep you posted.
M
Xx


----------



## longtimewaiting

So sorry Rach, hope you got thru to Peny and she was helpful. Thinking of you xxx

Hi everyone - loads going on for you all, always reading and wishing you all well lovely ladies. Thank you for thinking of me SL4E and Michimoo - life with baby Rose is great, she is our lovely miracle baby - made in Athens! 3 weeks old today and doing really well, we love her to bits xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening, ladies

Firstly, Rach, I can't believe your news, you poor poor thing.  So hard to keep picking yourself up, but we are here and will help you.  What is the plan now?  

LTW - beautiful name for your miracle baby.  So glad things are going well for you at last  

Michi.- any clarification today?  To be honest, I think you'll get a different view depending on who you ask and their standpoint on the whole thing.  Before our last cycle, Create advised us natural all the way whereas Argc said they didn't see the point for someone like me.  

Squirrel - hoping the test gives you a window  .  Let's hope it's the answer for you.

Nm2bns - welcome to our band of sisters, we've been through a lot between us, I hope we can help support you on your journey  

SL4E - yes I think everyone in the world is pg,  everyone at the motor way services was either pg, breastfeeding or surrounded by a brood of kids, another baby bump on bragbook today too,  

Hi to everyone else, I have been a bit absent as we went away.
Our break was good, although the gestone bumps are pretty painful in a wetsuit  .
Friday was hard and I had a total wobble as it was my original scan date.
We had 'the chat on the way home.  This is really taking it's toil on us both.  Dh feels we've been doing the ivf thing for ever, letting other things fall by the way side.
We have decided that we can do the fet asap, and if necessary will do up to 2 more cycles, and that's it.  I think it'll be Argc on stats alone.  After all this, I don't want to leave a stone unturned, and by all accounts they won't.
This last cycle was the most successful, it still wasn't enough, so there could be something in the current clinics theory that the embies don't like the drugs, although I did have some intralipids too, so it could be an immune thing as they didn't actually test them.  Who knows?  We are just so very sad,  

Lil' one


----------



## Hbkmorris

Bless you Lilone, you've truly been through such a terrible time and no one will ever truly know your pain until they've been in your shoes. Not knowing the reasons why and now been able to know what's best for the future like you I wouldn't want to leave a stone unturned. I did that on my last cycle, had all the immunes tests and took every drug I could for it and just when I thought I'd made the difference everything crashed for me on otd date. With mc in your history I'd say they'd offer you Clexane and Pred (unless you took this last time to?). One thing I'd take as a massive positive is that you can get implantation and you do get a positive preg test as this seems to be the biggest thing for all of us to achieve so if you can take this as a positive out of such a sad time. 

Bless you all and angel blessings for the future. 

Hello to everyone else, started my new job 2 weeks ago and I'm truly busy trying to learn everything!! 
I've had my apt come through for hospital consultation for a lap & hysto so that's one positive move for me.. Fingers crossed it won't be long for the actual procedure. 

Have a lovely day everyone xxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone, hoping all is ok?

Hbk - best of luck with the new job. Glad you have your hospital appointment organised.

Lil'one- hope u r ok. Glad u had a good time away. I know what you mean by the gestone lumps. I've still got bumps in very annoying places in my backside and I haven't done an injection for a week now. So pleased you have a plan I feel it makes the whole situation much easier to deal with.

Ltw- really pleased you r having a fantastic time as a mum with your little bundle of joy. 

Michimoo- how did your follow up appointment go with penny? Was anything any clearer? 

Squirrel-best of luck with your next lining/ implantation test. Where are you having this done? And is it expensive? Just asking as maybe it is something worth me trying? 

Sl4e- hope u and bump r doing well. 

Welcome nm2- sorry you find yourself here. 

Rory- what r ur plans for the future?

A big hi to all the other lovely ladies out there. 

Afm - have spoken to penny - bless her ..... Was happy for me to phone her at home at 10o clock at night. I don't think there is one consultant in the uk who would be happy for me to do that!!  And we have a plan. So it's hysteroscopy in Athens next weekend and then a frozen donor egg cycle next month before they shut. Onwards and upwards. 

Rach x


----------



## Jess81

Hi Ladies, 
sorry for not being around for a while... i've been a bit of a lurker but not posting... i've just come back from holiday and am ready to go again! 6th time lucky we are hoping for! 
Lilone, i'm so sorry that this has happened to you. but glad you had a good time away.
Michmoo, i'm sorry things aren't working out for u either. i feel so sad when i read all the sad news. 
squirel, i've never heard of that before it sounds proper interesting and fx you window is open! i don't blame you for giving it a go... why doesn't all the clinics offer this!!! 
nm2bns, sorry to find you here. all the ladies are lovely here and they always respond to any queries. 
Hello to all the other lovely ladies i have missed off. 
AFM - i've just got back from holiday which was lovely but i had to go to hospital for acute gastro and had to be put on a drip. it didn't stop me enjoying my holiday though. Went to the GP yesterday and am having the Coeliacs Disease test done as i've been having tummy issues. i've been reading up on it and it's common that it goes hand in hand with high antibodies and tyroid issues... i have both! it can also cause infertility and miscarriage...  do any of you ladies have this issue? also somone mentioned the Vit D test... i also have this... it's not looking good for me is it?! i would def reccomend the vit d test there is new scientific evidence that this is an issue. 
speak soon Jess xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Good afternoon ladies!
welcome back Jess   . I went on a gluten-free diet for 3 months before my last cycle, maybe it helped me? My coeliac test ages ago was negative, but high end of 'normal'. FX for your upcoming cycle.
Lil One, glad you were able to enjoy your break. If your gut feeling is for ARGC, go for it. I stuck with my little clinic in Czech cos it felt 'right', and came good in the end.
Rach, another weekend in the sun, lucky girl! Although wish you didn't have to be making the trip hun. FX crossed for your next try.
HBK, hope you're soon completely familiar with everything at your new job. Great news you have your appt through, and FX not a long waiting list for the op.
Squirrel, hope AF has packed her bags and left you in peace. I bled really heavily first one after the endo biopsy.
Michimoo, hope you've managed to clarify things with Penny.
  Beth, LTW,LuckyB,Mogster,nm2bns,Rory - hope life's OK.
AFM, 17 weeks today. Believe me, if my condition was contagious, I'd be chauffered round the UK to smother you all in hugs n kisses til you catch it too xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Hi Ladies,

Well I'm back in the UK now. Really enjoyed my own comfy bed last night.  

Hi Jess - welcome back, where'd you go on hols? Sorry to hear about you having to be hospitalised how awful. I had the Vit D test which was really annoying as I'd asked for it for over a year. Bingo - I don't have enough!  But if you've been in the sun recently that should help with your levels too. 

Sl4e - boy do I wish you were contagious!   I'd been getting in my car now, giving you a hug and then lying on the floor & rolling you all over me. ( ok that sounded better in my head rather than written down! )   

Rach - glad you've got a plan.  So when are you planning on going back out for the FET?

Hbk - what's the new job doing? I'm Starting to get twitchy now after being made redundant & want to get back out there. But it just won't fit in with our IVF plans. Grrrrr. Fingers crossed the lap & hysto moves quickly. They usually do after a consultation.

Lil one - lovely to hear from you. Glad you took some time away with DH. If you need any info on ARGC then just ask. But you won't need to go there as the FET is waiting for you & going to work.   I agree that all clinics have their own perspective. If they were all the same then we wouldn't chop & change I guess.

Ltw - glad Rose is well.  

Hi to squirrel, nm2bns, Beth, lucky B, Mogster, Rory & anyone I've missed  

Afm - we don't know what the   to do!!
So we went back to see Penny & she basically said that DH sperm fragmentation wasn't bad although 50% were dead when they came out so she's given him antibiotics to take for the next 40 days to see if that improves things. I can't believe that the test was only E100 & at ARGC it was a lot more!
Anyway ...... She said that looking at both of us on paper we would be classed as an easy case. However after having my failed IVF history she would now recommend throwing everything at this attempt just to rule everything out. So that would mean antibiotics (just in case any infection has been missed) - anti inflammatory pills ( just in case endometriosis has been missed) GCSF ( this is an experimental drug which prevents miscarriage) & fermura instead of clomid. On top of all the standard injections.
So we are unsure which clinic to use. 
I know it'll be cheaper in Athens, however we got the best results so far with ARGC & if we didn't get pg with Penny we will regret not going back to London. Penny would want me in AThens for 2 weeks. So from day 6 of Stims & then if I stim for 12 days like usual & we got to blast that would be 14 days. 
I have to say, We were bored in Athens & at least at ARGC I have my home comforts. 
However in Athens I wouldn't be a daily pin cushion as they don't do the bloods.

We could use the other drugs with ARGC in their treatment - with permission of course. Not sure they'll be happy with the experimental drug though as it raises your white cells dramatically & would affect the blood results.

The list is endless for pros & cons & DH & I need to sit down & work things out.
The thing that does go in Penny's favour is that she doesn't care about day 1 FSH levels & I would know that I am definitely cycling the month we decided to. Whereas at ARGC I have to wait for a phone call to see if my FSH is below 10 & if not tough boobies you can't cycle. 

Any advice always welcome to stop my head from spinning  

Much love
M
Xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Mitchi,  we were pretreated with antibiotics a number of times due to infections and our first cycle after that (at Serum) gave us our first ever chemical. My Braverman tailored protocol was on GCSF, Femara ( to deal with possible beta-3 integrin issues) and GCSF and Pred. I think penny has now repeated it un a number of endo patients with repeat failures  with great results. 

I must say that we had great sperm improvement after the antibiotics and i'm not sure why the UK clinics are not paying more attention to sperm quality .. on similar UK and serum cycles -  in the UK from 11 mainly grade 1 embryos before the antibiotics - we had 1 blast and one cavitating morula and at Serum from 10 embryos we got 7 blasts!  The 7 blast cycle resulted in a BFP. 

I personally would give Serum a go, September is a month full of lovely FF ladies, the weather is nice and you  can use the time as vacation- I always did..  I  am a bit bias though 
It will also give you time to plan if your cycles are pretty much regular you can book the easyjet flexi option to save on costs and have the flexibility if you have to move around
Xxxx


----------



## bethholm

And you don't need to ask which clinic I'd choose ; )

B xxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Evening Ladies 

Oh my so much to keep up with on here and I'm lost now of where to start! 

Firstly hope your all well... What a bizarre day today weather wise! 

If I was in your shoes Michimoo i'd go with Serum or IVI Madrid and I've heard nothing but brilliant results from them to. I think it's brilliant that Penny discusses the option of additional drugs although I do wonder if they really are required but I guess nothing ventured nothing gained! It's a tuffy but together make the right move thats right for you.. one thing you don't want to be is stressed out your minds. 

Oh my i've lost who mentioned about my job.. I'm one happy bunny. My background is working with car salvage, scrap & second hand car spares but i'm now working for a company called CarTakeBack who are an internet based company who work along side the DVLA, Police and Councils scrapping vehicles that have come to the end of their life.. anyhow I run the customer services dept and wait for it.. work from home!! Flippen brill. I feel like a new women all stress free and no Monday blues. It's a nightmare out there job wise and there is a massive shortage of jobs and there's alot of companys that pay terrible salaries to.. just doesn't work when you've got a house to run and more so pay for darn IVF! So brush up your CV, put a photo on and sell yourself if you find a job you really fancy. 

Beth hope your all ok, how's little one? I keep meaning to email you which I will once I know where I am head wise!! For now I'm just waiting for the consultation on 26th July (how far away) ref my lap & hysto and once that is done I'll approach my next cycle trying my frozen eggs from last year with natural FET and if that doesn't work it's all save save save for DD abroad but it's going to take me at least a year or more to save that one with only my wages coming in.. infact more like 2 years! 

Right must go as my bath is running. Have a nice night all, love to you all xx


----------



## Michimoo

Well ladies DH has booked flights to Greece for next month so looks like decision has been made!!!


----------



## bethholm

Superb!!!!!xxxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Woooohoooo! X


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Mich, lovely news! 
Hope everyone is doing OK, at whichever stage you're at.    for the day when we're all pregnant/nursing LO's


----------



## Rach76

Excellent news michimoo. 

Fly out tomorrow to Athens for immunes testing and hysto on Saturday....... Here we go again! 

Love to all

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach,
while you're there love please stand on top of the Acropolis and blow hard enough to send the sun back over here   . Hope it goes well, it's about time  the dice rolled in your favour xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Michi - great news, now you have a plan!  What was it that swayed you away from Argc?

Rach - thinking of you, must be your time  

Hope you're all ok, am a bit rrubbish atm, sorry will get myself together soon  

Lil' one


----------



## Michimoo

To be honest I'm not really swayed away from ARGC & am starting to have a wobble about going to Serum.
Because of my DH's job & him working away one month on one month off we don't have the luxury of if my FSH is too high in day 1 then ARGC won't treat me. Serum don't care about that.
My DH is home for July/Aug & then away for sept - oct back end nov-dec. So if we don't do it in July then the next attempt is Dec (FSH permitting) hope that waffle makes sense?
We have agreed that if Serum doesn't work we will be back at ARGC for one last attempt.

I have been awake all night freaking out as Penny has emailed to advise that she only Stims for 10 days!! I've always stimed for min 12 & when I stimed for 1 extra day I got the best quality & quantity eggs ever. At my follow up this was agreed that stimming me for 13 days helped the smaller follies catch up as I seem to Plato in the middle of a cycle & have a growth spurt from day 10.

I'm not sure what to do as flights etc are booked. Oh & DH booked them on the hop I didn't really have too much input as I was still deciding.
Changing clinics is always scary but being a poor responder with crappy eggs that don't divide it is a numbers game with me & that was proven on my last attempt.

Hmmmm I've got a banging headache.
Not sure what to do! 

I can't tell DH as he would flip out as he's booked & paid for everything but I think he forgets, he's not the one who is going to have to inject his body full of c**p everyday.

I really need your advice ladies please? 

Sorry for the "me" post this morning!

xx


----------



## Jess81

Mich, 
i see your dilema however i'm a great believer of you need to do what you want as it's you that goes through it all not anyone else.  I've not been to serum but we have looked at it and decided we will try it if this next cycle doesn't work, but i know lots of ladies have had great results there. you also need to do what your not going to regret... changing clinics is always scary but you never know serum could be the one for you and it's worth a shot! 

can you treat it like a little holiday whilst ur out there? take in some sights and just enjoy the sunshine?? sorry if not.. again i've never been. 

hope you get some decisions made but if your not keen on going and your gut feel is don't go i think i'd be tempted to say don't go! sorry! 

jess xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovelies - sending wine and sunshine to you all, from here. Got sunburnt by accident today so have one red arm and one white arm, mucho attractivo...

Michimoo - you poor thing. It is always horrible changing clinic and having to trust someone else, even if what they say doesnt match what previous people have said. All I can offer is my own experience. Changing clinic was terrifying but the best thing I ever did. Each decision they made or advice they offered - I freaked out and thought they were talking rubbish. Each time, I was totally wrong! half the problem with ivf is that it is the only medical treatment where we know such a lot, and try to almost manage our own treatment. It is the only area in medicine pretty much, where we get input and choices. Sometimes I wish I could just trust the doctors and avoid making decision myself because it is too emotional a subject to be objective about yourself. It is hard trusting a new clinic but the reports I hear of Penny and Serum are outstanding. Give it a go, try to step back from your own treatment and who knows what will happen. If you are proven right, there are still more options. If you are proven wrong (as I have been!) then your trust will gradually grow. Keep strong and share your worries with dh, because your worries are normal, natural and should be addressed or you will panic when you go. Big hugs. You can get through this xx

Lil One - thinking of you so much. I would imagine you have so much going on in your head - please feel free to rant about it and dont suffer alone? And dont feel pressured to be so called normal again quickly! This whole process is so debilitating, and I often feel I should be acting happy and coping blah blah blah. You feel how you feel, and if you try to push those feelings away, they will only come and bite you on the bottom! You are not alone, and just take each day at a time. Pm me if you fancy xx

Seemslike4eva - glad all going well with you, hugs from me! Xx

Rach - wow, I hope it all goes well in athens, be brave like you always are, and keep us posted. All the very very best for your hysto, and hope you are ok xx

Hbkmorris - your enthusiasm about your job is awesome! I think that is great! Hope July comes quickly for you, and in the meantime, maybe life can be as enjoyable as possible amongst all this. I always feel better with a plan, and you have a good plan! Onwards xx

Beth and luckybrumbar and longtimewaiting - hello! Hope all going well! Xx

To you all - sending a wee bit of bravery to those who need it, peace to all those who need it, sunshine for everyone and general big hugs! Xx

AFM - another biopsy next week, praying for receptive results or will be a bit of a game over...terrified. At least dh can come over with me, tapas o clock and less boredom with all the hanging about at airports! Xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies

Michi - my advice is, however much you love him, put yourself above DH.  I understand that he may be cross/ upset re all the changes to schedule, but it's a) not your fault b) a lot harder for you!  I have spent so much time trying to make my DH's life easier by going crazy with shopping, cleaning etc before the cycle and trying to look into crystal balls to tell him exactly what time to take off work.....i'm now at the stage where i say - "i will tell you when i know, unless you want to organise everything?" -  Take care of you    (Sorry if that seems a little harsh on DH, he does ok)

Squirrel - another biopsy? hope all goes well   

AFM Spoke with the clinic today re the FET.....so the plan is to do intralipids again, and do FET in natural cycle with clexane, steroids, gestone shots (woo hoo) and cyclogest (lovely)..........this one must work  .  They told me the blasto is a grade 5AB, which they say is good?
One other issue, i have a problem with my leg from the gestone.  I was injecting in upper thigh, and now have very sore and was slightly numb area further down.  Clinic told me to go to A&E in case of DVT, which i did, but it's really sore....anyone else had this?

Lil' one


----------



## Michimoo

Hey Ladies,

Thanks so much for your replies. You all know how to say the right thing.  

Jess - we would definitely treat it as a hols aswell. DH has booked a hotel with a pool.  

Squirrel - good luck with your biopsy. What will this tell you? It's really hard after numerous failed when you feel like you know your body, not to try & dictate your treatment plan. It's definitely difficult changing clinics & I'm also apprehensive of going abroad too.

Lil one - I have spoken to DH & he said if I want to he'll cancel the flights which made me feel a little sad so maybe that was a sign.
What did A&E say about your leg then?
I injected gestone into my botty & still have a sharpe pain in my butt. My Dr thinks I injected into my sciatic nerve. Hence the continuous pain! 

Rach - when you planning on the FET? Hope the hysteroscopy went ok?

Hi sl4e, lucky B, Beth, HBK, nm2bns & anyone else I've missed.

I've emailed Penny my concerns & am hoping she replys & puts my mind at rest.
I'm calling ARGC tomorrow in ref to being scanned on day 1 for Serum if they will do it!!
M
Xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Michi, just quickly 
I've stimmed  for anything from 11 to 16 days in the UK... I did 8, 9 and 10 days at serum... It depends on the meds combination i suppose 
Xxx


----------



## rory2011

Hey ladies hope you are all ok. 
Michi, only you can know what the right thing to do is but it is daunting planning a cycle abroad...I haven't done it yet but it does worry me.....although saying that I was petrified going for a hysto and immune testing in Athens but it was the best thing I have ever done relating to my ivf journey.

Lil one good luck with your fet fx, this is the one! 

Squirrel, hope your test next week provides some good news.

Rach, good luck for your hysto today! 

Lucky b, sl4e, jess, Beth, ltw , hbk and anyone else reading, have a lovely weekend!


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone  
Just a quick post to wish you all a fab weekend to send some positivity to you all. I'm feeling positive for the first time in a LONG time. Had a consultation yesterday and we are cycling again in July/August. Feel positive and hoping to stay that way.
Sorry for the lack of personals but I'm sending positive vibes to each and every one of you


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Way to go mogster!  x


----------



## Sidd

Great to hear you're feeling positive Mogster!!!   x


----------



## Michimoo

Great news Mogster. Looks like we will be cycling at the same time for lucky number 5!!!??


Thanks ladies for your comments I have to make my decision this week as if I cycle with Penny then I need to start my 2 weeks prior to AF of drugs on Sat so will need to buy them.

Just a quick question, do steroids definitely make you put weight on if you take them for a month?
I've been desperately trying to lose this weight since last cycle & still have a stone to lose till target weight.

Just wondering if I try to calorie count & exercise for the first two weeks of steroids if that'll help keep it off or is it just inevitable it'll make you balloon?

M
Xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

I did retain more water on them  i think but i don't think i've put on that much .. Not in a month anyway!  I think for the 4 years of  ivf i've added about 3-4 kgs ... 
Not sure you want to diet when cycling... Just be sensible... 
If you eat less sugar and salt you are less likely to retain water


----------



## waikiki

Michimoo - I found I actually used to lose weight on steroids.  My appetite didn't really increase, but I think I was active on the steroids so lost anything up to 5 pounds on them.  I know it's best not to set out to lose weight whilst cycling, but this is just what happened in my case.


----------



## pinkpixie

Michimoo I didn't put weight on with steroids until I got my bfp as found they made me retain a huge amount of water. Prior to that they didn't really increase my appetite and I was conscious about not overeating on them.  You need to work out best time to take them for you to help with insomnia (if u get that side effect) most people say take them early in morning
Xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Aha thanks ladies. Good to know about taking them in the morning to avoid insomnia. 
I'll try & excercise 3x a week at least whilst I take them for 2 weeks prior to treatment just to try & keep a stable weight. Don't want to undo all this hard work but if I get pg then I won't care.


----------



## rory2011

Michi I was ok on steroids, don't think I put any extra weight compared to my non steroid IVF's. I tended to put a few pounds on on my cycles but wasn't anymore than usual when I took steroids.

Afm, af has turned up and I have booked an appt to get my prolactin and androgen test done as per dr e's advice....only taken me since march to do this but my head is getting to the place of having another cycle!


----------



## Hbkmorris

Mich, I'm sorry to say but I put weight on and I tried my hardest not to eat more, I drank loads of water & had 3 personal training sessions a week and I still put 9Ibs on. My clinic advised me that anything high in sugar and salt was the worst so try to avoid these if possible. 

Hope your all ok Rory good on you flower.. I'm waiting for my hysto & lap apt got another month to wait yaaaawwwwn x


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Salt and sugar when on steroids  make water retention worse 
Penny only tends to use v low doses of pred anyway so i wouldn't be too worried
Never had sleeping problems but i've slways taken them AM

Another thing to consider is that too much exersise during cycling is not v good for your immunes if you have immune issues so maybe do some research on  the subject...  running snd aerobics  during stimms should be avoided i think as because it could  cause your ovaries to twist or something...  Check out Agate's FAQs  for a start 
But yes it sounds like a double edged sword this whole thing .. 
X


----------



## longtimewaiting

Hi Michimoo - just wanted to say I was on steroids for 6 months and did gain weight from about a month in but everyone's different. And I stimmed for just 8 days with Penny, got fewer eggs but they were good ones. Try to trust Penny if you can, easier said than done I know. 

Hi to everyone else - hope you all surviving ok xxxxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Hi LTW... Why did they keep u on the steroids for so long? X


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone. 
I'm still feeling positive  
Michimoo I start again in couple of weeks with injections etc. I've shocked myself by going again!!!

 to everyone


----------



## lil&#039; one

Great that you're still positive Mogster   I   this is your turn.

Hope everyone else is ok?

Lil' one


----------



## Michimoo

Thanks for your comments on the steriods. I guess the jury is out & everyone is different.
I'm still going to eat healthy but just cut a few calories such as major carbs etc. I will cut out my shapers mint nougat chocolate bars from Boots too  (anyone had these, they're amazing?)
When I say excercise I just mean a leisurely swim, nothing full on. I know that after day 7 of Stims you shouldn't swim anyway as you could twist your ovaries.

Mogster where are you cycling?

Well the plot thickens with me as DH is now wanting us to go to ARGC instead of Serum. As he's paying it might be difficult to persuade him otherwise. I have 2 weeks to discuss it.
In the meantime I will start the pre-drugs tomorrow.


----------



## rory2011

Michi...it is so hard to decide isn't it! You think you have a plan then dh mentions something that starts you thinking again!! What will be, will be! Good luck though.

Hey ladies hope you all have a lovely weekend.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Mogster, Michimoo      like mad that your turn has come.
On the steroid debate, my weight has been OK.
Been reading regularly, but I don't know much about OE cycles & the drugs, you can rest assured though I only want what best for you, and to see BFP on everyone's sigs.
All well here, almost 19 weeks and team pink.
Have a lovely weekend everyone xxx


----------



## rory2011

Oh fantastic news sl4e!


----------



## Rach76

That's fantastic news sl4e. X x


----------



## Michimoo

Sl4e - yey fab news. You must be over the moon.  

Rach - what's happening with you? How'd the hysteroscopy go?


----------



## lil&#039; one

SL4E - wonderful  
Hope everyone is ok  
Lil' one


----------



## longtimewaiting

Girls are great SL4E  

Lucky B - was put on steroids for 3 months pre tx after immunes tests, then took them til 3 months pregnant.


----------



## Mogster

Hi all 

How are you?

*Michimoo* I start in just over a week.  Must be crazy!!! We are cycling at Guys this time.

*SL4E* Thank you and  on the team pink x

Thanks to lil'one as well.

Sending positive energy to you all as I'm still feeling it at the moment. Sharing it while I can because I know it won't last.


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello sweeties   to all xx

Mogster - oooh, good luck for getting back on the wagon. May this time, be your time xx
SL4e - great news xx
Rach - how are things? Xx
Rory - same for you buddy? Hows things? Xx
Michimoo - what decision is made on where you are cycling? Hope you are ok and positive? Xx
Ltw, lil one, lucky b, beth, pinkpixie, hbkmorris -   and hope you are all well? Xx

Everyone - hoping some sunshine has been flowing your way, and I also hope that fairy dust and good vibes are being liberally sprinkled across us all. It is about time   xx

AFM, been to Spain for second biopsy amd endo scratch. Is it wrong to like the sedative drugs?! I am literally terrified of the results, because if I am still not receptive after more progesterone, then I am so worried my womb will never ever work. I have to keep hoping that if I got pg once, there HAS to be a chance right? Aaah, cue needy craving reassurance, frightened squirrel. Virtual champagne for all if we finally get a normal result back. Am actually very very tired. Of many things really. Poking, prodding, hopes being up then dashed, not getting to have another embryo put back yet, ridiculously consistent bad news when everyone including the doctors tell me that my chances are good. You know! The usual! Apart from that, tapas and sunshine in spain with dh was highlight of the week, apart from water skiing! From highs to lows  . Enough me me me waffle, I know there is no point worrying about things I cant change, ie results. Anyone figured out how to do that yet? Would love to know! Tell me how you all are, so I can focus on other people and not meeeeee!! Hugs, squirrel xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Just popping in to check on how everyone is doing - having a pyjama day today, and ate a slice of cake for breakfast. Got to have Glucose tolerance test tomorrow, so having a sugar fix just in case   
Squirrel, I've never been waterski-ing, too much of a wimp, but have been told by several friends it's most exhilerating. Do hope you're bearing up my love   
Mogster, keep the faith as you count down the days   
Michimoo, hope you've managed to finalise your plans to suit both of you   
Lil One, Rory, Beth, Rach, HBK, LTW, LuckyB, Pinkpixie, waikiki, Jess and everyone reading, you're in my thoughts and prayers whatever stage you're at   ,
Thanks for all your good wishes, much appreciated xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Hey squirrel - any news on the results yet? Am keeping everything crossed.
Sl4e - have a mahoosive slice of cake for me too please? I'm on steroids so am going to watch my sugar intake but boy am I craving chocolate!  
Mogster - not long now! When do you start?
Lil one - any news on the FET plans?
Waikiki / pink Pixie / lucky B / Rory /Rachel / Beth / HBK / ltw & anyone else - yoooou hoooo!  

Afm - still no decision made!!   we are cutting it down to the wire & deciding on day 1. Yes I know we are mental but DH is pro ARGC & I am undecided but am tipped slightly to Serum. More for the fact that we have been to ARGC twice with no success & I do wonder if cycling abroad in the sunshine may make me be a lot more relaxed about everything?

Oh I haven't got a clue but I am on the steroids & really really want to eat sweet things!!!!!!!!


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Michimoo - with pleasure. Have a pack of Mr Kipling fruit slices lined up, and some Cadburys Crunchies.......


----------



## Jess81

Hey ladies, 
Mich if ur craving choc have some - I was on steroids and I found the longer I held out the worst my cravings got and then I ended up eating more!! 

Squirrel, how did u get on hun? Did u get ur results yet?? 

Hi to everyone else. 

Afm just got back from my hystoscopy, omg that hurt!!! Ended up having 5 biopsys.... And lots of endo scratches!!!!! Also ended up with morphine as a result! Has anyone else had it hurt like this so bad! 

Cons said it all looked fine, I did have 1 polyp about the size of a 1p but he said he poked it with the camera and it fell off lol! He said that the biopsys will take about 3-4 weeks to come back! 

I asked when we could do next tx and he said with next AF... I told him that's next week and he said fine!! Whoop whoop all being well. I want to do as short a DR as possible so hopefully will be allowed. Looks like I will start DR around the 1st aug xxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Jess -  omg you poor thing. What did the hospital say about your reaction to the hysteroscopy?
Where are you going to cycle?

After reading your message I gave in & stuffed my face with 4 ..... Yes 4!!!! Light digestives. ( notice they were the light variety tho)


----------



## Jess81

Mich... Good girl!! And they were light so that only accounts for 2 well in my books it does anyway lol!!!

It was more the reaction to the morphine I think, they said it can happen and not to worry abou it. 
Still feel a bit sore this morning, feel more groggy though kept waking up in the night thinking i was going to be sick! 
I'm cycling at Salisbury. Although if this next one doesn't work we are moving clinic and may well go to serum on the recommendations of the ladies from here, either there or Oxford! 

Jess xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hope it's quiet on here cos everyone is out & about enjoying life in the sunshine.
Mogster and Jess, this is your week? and possibly Michimoo back on the rollercoaster?


----------



## Michimoo

Not back on the rollercoaster until next weekend & on day 1 I will decided on which clinic! Crazy I know!  

Had severe food poisoning last night from a Chinese restaurant so severe in fact I passed out with the pain in the bathroom at 3am! Thank God DH is home. He caught me before I went head first into the ceramic floor. Scary stuff. Apparently I groaned in agony & he asked if I was ok through the door & I didn't answer so he opened the door & I was mid fall! I have about 2 mins of not remembering anything!  

Just been on Water all day & have missed out my steroids & vits etc today. Just having a day for my tummy to recover. I'm NEVER eating Chinese again, it's put me off for life.
I missed out on the sunshine as I've been in bed all day. 

Although any excess lbs have been shed in the last 12 hours. But I wouldn't recommend it.  

Hope you all enjoyed the weather today & the tennis?


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi sweeties - isnt this sunshine and wimbledon lovely?! Almost enough to put me off stressing about biopsy results some time this week!

Michimoo - you poor thing, sounds horrendous. Go easy on the recovery, little bits of bland food til you feel better. I like your spontaneous last minute decision making  . Feel better soon xx

Sl4eva - helllooo, hope all well and sun shining with you xx

Jess - sorry to hear about your horrid recovery and procedure, hope it is worth the pain, and you feel better now. I hear good things about Salisbury xx

Everyone - hi and hope you are all ok at whatever stage you are at xx

I hate waiting for results. I swear I am going to go nuts. We have had so many bad results, I cant quite believe a result will actually come good for me. How sad is that. Come on hope, come on positivity, for us all! Xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening lovelies  

Squirrel - i   that you get good biopsy results....things can turn around  

Michi - that sounds awful, you must tell them, no more of that before the cycle  

Jess -   you are recovering, not long til the cycle  

Mogster - hope the positive thinking is still with you, a little bit my way would be great

Hi to rach - how are you?
Hi to SL4E, ltw, rory, brumbar, hbk - hope you're all ok?

Afm - my body has thrown another curve ball....af early this month, and apparently no ov, meaning I didn't get the intralipids during previous luteal phase.  I am going to try to get it tomorrow, also have a scan to ccheck for cysts etc....hate scan during af....can't be nice for the scanners..... 
Lil' one


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Thanks, I'm all recovered now! Just waiting for AF which should be late this week but knowing that it's needed will be late!! 
Mich, omg that sounds awful hun, hope you will feel better very soon and just try to stick to non fried food and lots of carbs... This is supposed to help! You should report them to the heath agency and they will go in and check them out'! 

Squirrel, fx ur results come back soon and all good!! It's stressful all this waiting isn't it'... It's all we seem to blooming do!! 
Lil one, hope u manage to get ur intralipids tomorrow! I don't think Salisbury offer them! 

Everyone else, hope you are all ok

Jess xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Michimoo, hope you're feeling better - may be worth getting GP to send a stool sample, yukky I know but I had an episode like that once and needed strong antibiotics because it was a campylobacter infection. You don't want anything lurking to jeopardise this cycle xxx
Hi to everyone else!
Squirrel, this thread is due a run of good results, so crossing fingers for you.
All well with me, I'm halfway there, got a busy week ahead with stuff for my ministry course xx


----------



## Michimoo

Haven't really got time to send stool samples off, wait for results etc. especially with the NHS. Not before the weekend anyway!
Although I am being put on antibiotics for the first week of Stims anyway as a precaution for any missed infection. So if there is anything hopefully that'll kill it off.
Just trying to arrange shipment of my drugs which is seeming to be a bit more problematic that I first expected. Apparently they are out of stock so I'm waiting for a phone call. 

I managed 2 slices of toast today & a cup of tea & although my tummy is sore I haven't seen them again. Phew!

Squirrel - when are you planning on getting your results back? 

Jess - ive been to OFU so if you want some reviews I can help. 

Lil one - my AF normally goes a bit weird after IVF & it came early 2 months ago. Hope intralipids go ok today?

Sl4e - can you eat some more cakes for me today please? I'm having sugar cravings! 

I'm still off the steroids - it's only been 2 days & ill get back on them tomorrow. Do you think it'll be a problem? 
Again it was only for precaution, to potentially suppress any immunes, but I think my immune system took a bit of a bashing with this food poisoning anyway. Ill be taking them throughout Stims & having intralipids so I'm hoping it'll be ok?


----------



## Jess81

Mich, glad you are feeling a little bit better. oh that would be fab if you don't mind. we are looking there because they seem to be quite forward with new stuff and they are closer to us then a london clinic. what are they like? xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi sweeties,

Lil One - how was your scan? Am sure they have it all before though I know what you mean. My consultant has scanned me lots of times, and am still embarrassed. Any news about intralipids? Bodies throwing curve balls - story of my life! I hate it! Xx

Jess - glad you are on the mend and moving forwards xx

Michi - glad you are on the mend too! Hope drug ordering turns out ok? Not sure bout steroids as no experience but am sure it will be ok - cant take them if you are ill, so push on and fingers crossed all ok xx

SL4E - I soooooo hope you are right xx

Everyone else - how are you doing? Xx

AFM, body doing its best to ruin things for me again. AF when not meant to, so even if my results manage to come back in time, think cycle ruined as need to synch with donor. Waste of time doing endo scratch, am sure results will be rubbish anyway. Cant stop crying. Am in a right pity party.    xx


----------



## Michimoo

Oh squirrel - chin up sweetie. I will share my story with you to make you laugh in a minute to stop you   hopefully it'll make you   & maybe even   at my expense!  

Jess - I was at OFU for my 1 st attempt & they weren't into immunes testing etc at all. So I would definitely get that checked out somewhere else first ( but you won't need it though as this is the one for you!)  

Right here goes ladies ....... ( of course, I am only sharing this story to cheer up squirrel, but I'm sure you'll all enjoy!!)

So I decided to have my "whit woo" waxed in preparation for my next treatment. Off I trott & being a waxing virgin (down there) I wasn't sure of the protocol. 
I walk into the room with this petite Indian lady who tells me to strip off but I can leave my top on! Jee thanks!
So I'm pulling the skin tight & before I could hold my breath. Whoosh! OMG I nearly jumped off the bed. I could hardly speak & kinda went into an out of body experience. But she kept going & going, so much so I had nothing left!   I was thinking that this was a bit strange as I only asked for a bikini wax but I was in so much pain & it had gone too far I didn't complain. 
Then she says "turn over" so I do and I'm on my front thinking what the hell am I doing in this position? Then whoosh! She's just done my poopie!! Wtf? Then she continues all over each of my bum cheeks?! I don't have hairy bum cheeks!? Or poopie for that matter!! 
If only you could've seen my face my eyes were popping outta my head.  
She then told me to turn over again then continued to pour wax all over the front again. But there wasn't anything left!! She carried on stripping!! Ouchie.
Then she says: all done! I slowly get dressed with my front beaming ike a red traffic beacon. Get to the front desk & pay to see that they have written my booking down wrong & given me a "FULL HOLLYWOOD WAX!"

So I now walk like John Wayne & am wearing dark trousers to stop the glow from bellowing out from behind my knickers! No Nooky for DH & I at the moment until the small red additional human i seemed to of grown between my legs has disappeared. 

So there is my waxing story. Hope it made you   squirrel.   & you all ladies!


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Michimoo! Thank God your tummy had settled otherwise the beautician may have had more than she bargained for   
Squirrel, my endo scratch ended up being 4 months before I cycled, and still worked, so don't panic x


----------



## squirrel2010

Michimoo -   thank you for making me smile - wow, you brave girl having all that done! I couldnt! Maybe next time you should vajazzle with some diamantes too - hee hee. Thanks hon xx

SL4Eva - really?? I didnt know the effects lasted longer than a month?? That makes me feel better, thank you so much. Glad youre doing well xx

Just nailed half a tub of ben and jerrys nom nom nom xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Squirrel, haven't had Ben & Jerrys for ages! I had my endo scratch in October, planning to cycle November but it just happened that a donor match wasn't made til Feb....and you know the rest    x


----------



## Michimoo

Glad it did the trick & I made you laugh with today's waxing experience! 
It's still glowing under the covers!!??


----------



## Michimoo

Oh balls ladies. I've started spotting heavily & have bad p pains. I'm only day 25 of my normal 28 day cycle. I'm worried that if I come on too early it'll mean that this months eggs are poor quality. I'm now panicking! 
Why doesn't anything go smoothly?


----------



## Mogster

Morning all 
Sorry been AWOL for a while but I was on school journey last week (I'm a teacher).
I start my injections today but I'm still chuckling from the waxing story so need to compose myself Michimoo.

Lil'one I'm happy to send some   to you as I'm still feeling it although maybe nit as much as before.

Have a lovely day all.

Sorry it's quick but I'm off to inject


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi lovelies,
Michimoo - dont panic. Am sure stress levels and loads of other things can cause your cycle to be a little shorter - it doesnt mean your eggies are any less good than before. Every month is diffeerent, every cycle is different, and all we can do is go with what our body throws at us. Hope you are not still glowing. I wish I could take myown advice! I am totally freaked that I have bled early, and I am furious with my body, but my rational head says to me, patience, and nothing we can do about it but roll with it xx

Mogster - good luck with your injecting, you brave thing xx

SL4E - I didnt realise you were donor too  , thanks for the inspiration xx

Everyone - anyone else a sports widow?! What with tour de france, the ashes, blah blah blah, I am like a little lobely squirrel in bed with a book each night whilst the highlights are on! Still waiting for results, still bleeding when I shouldnt, and still intermittently crazy and pragmatic...i hate this so so so much!! 

 to all love squirrel xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Ok, so I know everything makes me cry these days but I need some advice.  
I recently sent a card to a pregnant friend sending birthday wishes, vouchers and a note saying how I missed her, was sorry we hadnt caught up for a while, and how we wished her al the very best with her pg, but we were finding things tough what with more investigations. 
I just got an email from her, saying thanks, and basically she finds it very hard seeing me too, so thinks it best we leave things til after she has given birth.

I am confused. Isnt she the one in the happy position of being pg? Isnt she maybe meant to support the person who is struggling? How come she doesnt want to see me? Am I that bad, that horrible to be around, that I am offending everyone with my general air of infertility? I feel dreadful about it


----------



## Michimoo

Ummm well I think your so called friend needs to look "friend" up in the dictionary!! Don't feel dreadful about it, it's nothing to do with you. You are better off without her. 
It sounds like she isn't very supportive at all to your situation & if I've learnt anything these days it's to get rid of those sort of people & only surround yourself with people who make you feel good. 
Unfortunately this infertility has shone the light on a lot of my so called "friends". Once I thought I had a lot but now I realise I can count my closest friends on one hand. That was hard to deal with, but when the chips are down your true friends shine & the others really do show their true colours! Looks like this one has to go in that camp. 
The only thing you should feel sad about is the fact that it took this to happen for it to become clear, but better you found out though. 
I tell you what. Ill send you the details of that beauticians & you can give her a baby shower voucher for what I had!!   

Chin up Hun.

Mogster - whoop whoop for starting. Don't think I'm far behind.  
xx


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Mich - that story made me laugh so hard!! Well done for being brave though... I get waxed but there is no way anyone is going near my lady bits lol!! 
Squirrel - my eyes widened when I read ur last post, what on earth is she on about!! People like that make me so cross and mich is right you don't need her negativity in your life right now so park her and enjoy the good friends u do have. Me being stubborn would have emailed her back just to get the last word but I would probably suggest you don't and she will get the hint from that! 

Hi to everyone else
AFM... Got my dates... Eeeekkkkkk!!!! It's a really long cycle too and it's only fet! 
Endo scratch on 22nd July, DR 29th July, ET 6th sept!!! Wtf fet is supposed to be short... That's as long as my fresh cycles have been! 

Xx


----------



## Mogster

Squirrel I am totally gobsmacked!!! What a horrible reaction and things to say. This person doesn't deserve your friendship. My best friend is expecting her 3rd child and understands when I'm quiet for a bit and respects me enough to listen to me when I talk without being patronising or saying the wrong thing. Big    

Jess glad to hear you have your dates. I had my endo scratch and it really wasn't that bad. Felt like period cramps afterwards. I went out for dinner with DH afterwards and felt fine.

Michimoo when do you start? I've found this clinic different already. Higher dose of drugs and starting at different stage of cycle. Still the last place didn't work so hey ho. Good luck when you start again   

Second injection done. Off to physio later. Let's hope I get some physio this time and not just lots of questions and then your time is up! 

Have a lovely day everyone


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovelies,

Thank you so much for your support over not only my results, but what my friend said. It means such a lot that you also think I have the right to be upset about her.

Michimoo - awesome plan re baby shower voucher! Ha. Hope you have stopped glowing. When are you starting cycle again? Hugs xx

Jess - thank you, I did email back but dont think I will get a reply! Ooh, good plans made, have no fear, september will be here before you know it. Something to focus on! Great news, plus reckon the endo scratch will be a winning combo xx

Mogster - well done for getting through the injections, and thank you for the hugs and your comments. Means a lot. Hope physio goes well xx

Ok, some good news for once! I am officially RECEPTIVE!! I just need seven days of progesterone pre ET, instead of five!! Shame about the last two years, six embryo transfers and all the rest! So....from today, new PGD cycle, with new ET protocol and who knows what will happen. I am just so pleased to have receptive results. I am not daft enough to think it will work immediately, but at least it is another piece of the puzzle, and we will have a chance rather than no chance! Whoop whoop! Hugs to all xxxxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi all, hoping everyone is well. It's been a nightmare few weeks for me so I have been lying low for a bit. But now I have got my head round everything I am ready to share. Thanks for all the well wishes from everyone I have been reading all your posts and trying to keep up to date.  

So I went to Athens three weeks ago for my hysto and the results were really bad. Penny was in a bit of a state too as she said it was the worst case of adhesions growing back in the shortest about of time she has ever seen. So uterus a complete mess - loads of scar tissue everywhere and adhesions and I only had a hysto three months previously. Had a ballon catheter in for three days too- taking that out at home was very intersting! So had to be on loads of oestrogen for a week or so to get some sort of lining back before having a bleed which can Tuesday so now I can start my FET. 

Also had immunes all retested whilst out in Athens and looks like NK cells are very high plus a few other issues so have been on high dose steroids and vits. Praying they sort out my levels. So embryo's have had no chance really either being killed off before implantation or not being able to implant due to crappy womb.

Anyway, started all meds for immunes on Tuesday. So I suppose I have officially started my next cycle although I am not getting my hopes up as now gotta rely on lining to develop well and follicle to not ovulate. I am doing a natural cycle with meds for immunes but penny has also got me on this other new drug to help lining too but it also develops follicles so have to have a scan on Tuesday to see what is happening and to then go from there. So just gotta wait and see........

Squirrel- so pleased your results came back good. Like you said another part of the puzzle fixed. That's fantastic news. 

Mogster- best of luck with your cycle. 

You too Jess x

Michimoo- good luck with your decision. 

Sl4e- hoping you are well. 

Lil'one - how are you doing?

A big hello to all the other lovely ladies out there. 


Thanks for listening

Rach x


----------



## Mogster

Wow Rach what a emotional journey you are on. I have everything crossed for you. You must feel like you are spending all your time popping pills. I   your dreams come true and you get your well deserved BFP. Take care of yourself x


----------



## Michimoo

So Rach are you having a FET or doing a natural cycle? Sorry I'm a bit of a Jelly Head today!
So when does that mean you are out in Greece then?

Mogster - how's the Stims going?

Squirrel - whoop whoop what brilliant news. All heading in the right direction.

Jess - cor blimey that is long!!

Sl4e - you still eating cakes for me? I have to admit I caved in last night & ate a pack of tea cakes! Oink oink.   yes I did say pack!

Luckyb,lil one, hbk, Beth, brumbar, LTW,Rory & anyone else I missed hope you're all enjoying the weather?

Afm- I'm having a flipping nightmare!!!!!! 
Just got back from day 1 bloods & scan at argc. 
1) bloods were for ARGC's benefit 
2) scan was for Serums benefit.
Had a call from ARGC to say that Mr Taranassi is very happy for me to start as my FSH is 7.7. 
7.7 My FSH has never been 7.7 the lowest was 7.9 when I was 34 it's always been around 9.0 or higher.
I'm gob smacked. But now it makes it even harder to decide which clinic to use! Argc won't let you cycle if your fsh is higher than 10.
I've emailed Penny in Serum the results 3 hours ago & she's not responded.

I have 3 hours to decide which clinic we are going to use. Cause ARGC want to give me instructions if I'm going with them.

Not only have I got p pains but I've given myself a banging headache!

Any advice?

Xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi girlies, hoping the sun shining wherever you may be...

Rach - you poor thing. What a crock. Sounds like you have had a bunch of bad news on top of bad news and I am really feeling for you. You sound like you are being brave, pushing forwards and all you can do is put one foot ahead of the other. You have a good tram behind you, and it sounds like you are doing everything you can for this cycle. Good luck my dear, keep strong xx

Michimoo!! Oh my goodness!! Decisions decisions...what have you gone for? Think of who you trust most, where you are most comfortable, and where your gut takes you. Looking forward to hearing your plans as think by now you have probably made them? Follow your gut instinct, am positive either clinic will do their very best for you xx

Everyone - thank you for your posts  . I am embracing some good news as likely tricky from now with the pgd! Lining scan in ten days...

Sending sunshine and a little quote to make you smile wryly! 'sometimes you're the bug, sometimes you're the windscreen' xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Rach76

Michimoo- I am doing a natural FET cycle. So I follow my natural ovulation and then when I get my LH surge I get my oestrogen and progrestrogen levels tested and have the frozen embrio's put in.  However I am on loads of meds for my immunes so it does not really feel like a natural cycle ie. steroids, clexan, neuprogen, tamoxifen, Viagra , baby aspirin, frolic acid as well as high dose vits. C, d, e, calcium, etc...... I will not know when I will be in Athens until. Have had a scan on Tuesday. Anyway, have you made your des ion yet? 

Rach x


----------



## Rach76

I meant folic acid!  not frolic! Bloody predictive text! Lol x


----------



## Michimoo

Frolic acid. Sounds good stuff.  
Decision made - ........ Ummmmmm Nope!


----------



## Michimoo

Ok so decision made about 1 hour ago.
.......... We are going to try Serum!!


----------



## Rach76

Excellent news michimoo. Penny is amazing I'm sure you won't regret it. I wouldn't go anywhere else. 

Rach x


----------



## Mogster

Just a quick one to say well done on making your choice x
I love the sound of frolic acid x

I'm not at the stims stage yet. Stil DR. Long way to go x


----------



## Lilirose

Hi girls, can I join?

Just got a BFN from my first IVF in Serum.  Have done 4 IVFs before, all fresh, we never get any frosties.  My cycle before this one was 2 years ago in ARGC.  I came out of it thinking i would never cycle again, just felt I couldn't do another one.  my cycle in Serum was lovely and relaxed, even though I went from an AFC of 10 to 3 follies when Penny did my first scan.  I just went with it.  We ended up transferring 2 decent day 3 embryos and got the BFN.  I really thought SerumPenny would ake the difference.  As always I have no idea what went wrong, immunes?  Embryo quality?  Asherman's making my womb hostile, even though it has been removed? Who knows.

Waiting for AF before I can have my phone review with Penny.  Am convinced I need DE.  My husband is not on board with DE, but I am hoping if Penny recommends it he will come around.  I know it's no guarantee but it would give us a better chance.  

At the moment though I am tired and disappointed and gutted and very sad.  I know it will pass, it always does, but it sucks.

Michimoo, like rach even though I got my BFN i wouldn't go anywhere else than Serum either.  Best of luck x

Rach, bloody hell you poor thing.  You're on so many meds as well for a natural cycle.  Please God they'll make the difference.  good luck with your scan tomorrow x 

Mogster, when do you start stims?

Squirrel, your friend mustn't have a clue what you're going through, I would be seriously unimpressed with that response from her.  Big hugs, that was not a nice email to get  

Jess where are you cycling?

Lilirose x


----------



## Jess81

Lilirose, 
welcome, all the ladies are so lovely and a lot of them are at serum, i'm cycling in Salisbury but this is our last funded FET and if this doesn't work goodness only knows where we will go... oxford or serum... not sure! 

xx


----------



## Michimoo

I did start a reply on my phone in the car but DH was driving like such a loon the predictive text was going mental & it was all gobbledygook anyway. So I'm back home & on the computer now. 

Lillirose - I have been in contact with you on the Serum thread & I'm so sorry you have found yourself here, but I have to say we are a lovely bunch of ladies. (If I do say so myself)  
As you will see some of us have got pg with DE after numerous failed attempts & they are all a great source of information & support.

I am getting a bit worried about Serum as there is a little part of me that feels I should've given Mr T one last go.
Oh well, too late now! She seems to have lots of success with DE or DD but not so much with OE. Can anyone shed some light on this?

Just to make you all   I had to go to the Dr's about my "whit woo" the day after the massacre & I was given hydrocortisone cream & anti inflammatories!!   she'd butchered me.  
Not going back there for any beauty treatments again. But the small glowing red person has now disappeared & I look normal again, if not a little naked!!  

Hope you ladies are managing to keep cool?

Xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hello Lilirose, welcome! Sorry to hear you've had another BFN   , but around here we all know that feeling. I finally concieved on tx#17, my 4th with DE, in Czech Republic. I'm glad you feel comfortable with Serum, confidence in the medical team makes a huge difference.
Michimoo, more Greek sunshine for you too my love! Yes, I'm still munching, yesterday was a caramel ice cream sundae, and today was a choc chunk shortbread from M&S. Everything crossed for you.
Rach, hope you're feeling OK with your cocktail, what a nightmare your womb has given you.     really hard that you're lining stays nice & fresh and receptive.x
Squirrel, so glad you have an answer which is 'fixable'. 
Jess and Mogster, hope you'll be OK with the long DR in this heat, hot flushes wouldn't be fun - but then again, you've the perfect excuse to cover them up.
Lil One, thinking of you hun, hoping you're OK
Beth, hope all's well with you, summer hols soon, bet it can't come fast enough.
All is well with me xx


----------



## Lilirose

Hi girls

and thanks for the warm welcome xx  I hadn't set up notifications yesterday so only checking in again today.

Jess, am from Ireland, where is Salisbury, in the UK somewhere I assume? Were you able to get your cycles on the NHS?  It's great isn't it.  We don't have that, although we do have the DPS which allows us to get the meds for a much lower amount than paying outright for them. 

Michimoo, for what it's worth I cycled in ARGC as well and i wouldn't go back.  Even with a BFN from Serum I now wouldn't go anywhere else.  You're doing DE now are you?  You probably saw me talking about moving to DE on the current Serum thread.  Seems like DH is possibly going to consider doing DE.  he was very against it, and thought we wouldn't need it but after 5 OE our funds are seriously low and we just can't afford to keep trying OE given the very low number of eggs we get. I know DE is no guarantee either but it gives us much better odds.  

Interesting as well what you say about Penny having a lot more success with DE than OE. But i guess if you think about it, the majority of the women going to Serum are older, and if they try OE (like me) the success doesn't seem to be that good, and a lot move to DE and the success rate for that is higher anyway.  Like what is it, 60% vs 10% or something like that?

Seemslike4eva, thanks xx  Bloody hell 17 ETs?  Fair play to you for persisting, don't think i have 17 goes in me    Congratulations on your pregnancy!  You must be due around Christmas are you?

AFM, AF has arrived.  Woke up to horrendous cramps yesterday morning but they've passed and they're now just regular wavy cramps.  AF fairly heavy which would fit in with my excellent lining.  Must email Penny to set up phone review.  Am going to ask her to push DE, DH may take it better coming from her...

Lx


----------



## Michimoo

Hi lil rose,

No I'm doing OE at Serum. My DH is anti DE too. But some of the ladies on here have gone on to use DE.

Tbh I was happy with ARGC & got to know some of the staff really well. Never a good sign I guess as that means you've been there too many times!   But they have got me further than any other clinic.

I'm day 4 of Stims & am not feeling much bubbling going on in there. So I am off to the acupuncturist later to get him to wake my ovaries up.

Sorry AF has arrived - it's so horrible after a bfn. My test date will be in August when she's away so not sure what I do if mines a bfn. But I must remain positive! Bad Michimoo   I've only just started. 
It's going to be good news.  

Off to Athens on Friday Ladies. But looks like your all going to get the same weather here!! 
xx


----------



## Lilirose

Hi Michimoo

Have you talked to your DH re DE much?  Mine wouldn't even discuss it while we were doing the cycle but I think when he saw how upset I was when we tested BFN (and God knows it's not his first experience of me being upset like that!) he just said to me 'ask me anything' and I looked at him and didn't really want to bring it up but i said 'will you think about DE' and he said yes.  Seed planted    

Yeah I got to blast with ARGC as well which I had never done before.  But nothing.  Penny thought my 'implantation window' might work better with a Day 3 transfer and as I had a chemical BFP on a Day 3 transfer with a clinic here at home, I went with it.  Now I'm not so sure, but I'm still happy to go with her recommendation.  A girl I know on here just got a BFP from a Day 3 DD transfer, then again I suppose she probably would have gotten a BFP from a Day 5 transfer as well... So hard to know what to do for the best.

LOL hope the acu helps get your ovaries going   And yes, keep those PMA pants well pulled up  

Lx


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies. 
Hope ur all ok, I wanted to ask u a question if that's ok?? 

Is anyone having clexane?? I've asked for it and was told that I wouldn't need it until we got a BFP?! Is this right or do we have to have it from et?? 

I've got my scratch next week so I'm going to push for it again and really wanted to have an argument for having it. 

Xx


----------



## Luisa8

Hi Ladies,
Could I join you all? I think I might "fit in" here as I'm a bit of a BFN veteran  . I've just had my 8th BFN but I've decided my own eggs don't count anymore so I'm going to knock off a few and from now on say I've just had my 6th BFN....not that much better really but there you go....  
I've had 3 DE cycles at a Tenerife clinic (I live in the Canary Islands) and 1 at Reprofit (where i got a chemical) and 2 at Serum (1 fresh, 1 FET)....
My main problem to be honest, apart from getting continuous BFN's of course, is finding the money to keep trying.
DH and me don't have saving, don't earn great wages but inconveniently DO have a high mortgage...  
I'm still not prepared to give up though and I'm thinking the only way for us to carry on trying might be to do FET with double donation. I'm worried that the success rate is much lower though....
Any thoughts on this?


Jess81- I do clexane and start injecting on day 1 of my cycles. Not sure if this is standard though.


Rach76- So sorry to hear your news  . I haven't posted that much recently but I think we cycled at the same time in Athens last November.     Sending you massive hugs.


Looking forward to getting to know you all


xxxx


----------



## bethholm

Fabulous choice ; ) xxxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Luisa - sorry you find yourself on this thread too but as I said to lilli we are all very supportive.
I can't help on the DD - maybe some of the other ladies can.

Rach - how'd it go today? Will I be seeing you in Athens?

Lil one - are you ok? 

Jess - I'm on Clexane for 7 days from day 1 Stims & at ARGC it was towards the end. However Oxford & Wessex I never had Clexane at all so every clinic is different. 

Ladies - DH just put a tub of mini bite tea cakes from M&S in front of me & I've just eaten about 12!!! I'm on day 4 Stims what on earth am I doing? I couldn't resist & now I feel really guilty!  

They are now being put back in the cupboard. They do say they are 0.2g of protein per bite!


----------



## bethholm

Luisa8- I can message you later re DD as my DS was a result of this and it was at Serum and I too had 8 cycles of IVF (albeit 6 with OE and OS)

Currently working a 14hr day at the moment as my head is no longer in school so I'm acting Headteacher.Not what I envisaged returning from maternity (due to financial reasons of DS costing in excess of £53k!) oh and I'm acting SENCO too (for those ladies amongst us who are unfortunate to work in the education sector!)

B xxx


----------



## Luisa8

Thanks Bethholm....interested in hearing about DD being the miracle solution!! 

Michimoo....If it makes you feel any better I have just finished off a jumbo bag of cheese & onion crisps, 3 cans of beer and a whole packet of brownie biscuits....  I am wallowing in BFN pity though....that's my excuse anyway...


----------



## bethholm

Luisa- will desperately try to get back to you today or at the latest, tomorrow!Still doing school work and I leave the house at 6.30am plus teething DS (although I can't grumble as I am so blessed to have him).Sorry you find yourself in this thread but they are truly a fabulous bunch of super supportive ladies.

B
xxx


----------



## Luisa8

No worries at all...tomorrow is fine.......
Thanks Bethholm
xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. 

Welcome to Louisa and lillirose -sorry you guys find yourself here. 

Louisa-yep I was cycling in November. God that was my first go with serum seems like a life time away now. 

Well my body is doing funny things as per usual. Scan showed crappy lining and lead follicle of 12mm so that gives me until Monday I think before I ovulate to get my lining sorted. So have spoken to penny and she wants just natural oestrogen so has put me on mild stims to make lining grow. So my natural cycle with no meds now has an extra couple of injections a day. The idea is to develop follicles so natural oestrogen is produced and lining is developed. I'm good with all this and basically think this is my 13th cycle so I will try anything once and I have nothing to loose. So although I have no lining and a follicle which I gotta watch I am flying out to Athens on Monday. Just booked my flight. I figure its best for me to be there with penny for daily monitoring and then she can adjust my programme or try what ever she wants to try and I am there. Penny agrees too. Best her. She calls me her nightmare case and has told me I have to get pg this time otherwise she with have a breakdown! Bless her. She is so lovely and really does care. 

Anyway enough about me. A big hi to everyone. 

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Morning lovely ladies,
welcome Luisa, DD worked for me too. I had 1 fresh in Cyprus which failed, 2 x frozen in Czech which failed, then we were really lucky that our clinic offered us a 3rd go at fresh DD for the price of frozen, and here I am with LO due in November.
Jess, I'm on clexane, I started this last cycle on day 1 - although my situation is slightly different as I'm on lifelong warfarin, but this was the only time I started as early as day 1.
Rach,    all will be well, thank goodness Penny is so committed to her job and her patients.
Beth, poor you - at some of the schools near me SENCO is a full time job in itself let alone headship   
  to the rest of the gang, off to get a pavlova underway for Church BBQ tonight xxx


----------



## Lilirose

Hi girls

Jess, I started clexane with the stims as far as I remember, I have a blood clotting issue though ,and am on aspirin as well.  Not sure if everyone is on clexane all through the cycle. 

Luisa, i'm the other newbie on here    I hear you on the money, we're pretty much broke now, we just about have enough for one more go in serum, and for me, it would be with DE.  If we had more money we may do another OE but we just don't and I'm 40 in a few months and I just want a baby at this stage. 

Michimoo, sounds like a good bit of protein there with the M&S choccies - I love the cornflake bites, they are TOO easy to eat!

Bethholm, you sound like a very busy lady!  And your DS is teething - hope you're managing to get a bit of sleep!

Rach, thanks for the welcome x Re your cycle, makes sense, to go on mild stims to help your lining.  Penny's great, very blunt at times!! FX for you hon x

Seemslike4eva, pavlova - yum  

AFM, phone review with Penny this evening.  Getting DH to be here for it too.  I've said to Penny could she push the DE recommendation, at this stage I just want a baby and DH isn't big into DE but am hoping if Penny recommends it then he will take it better coming from her...

Lx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hello ladies

Sorry for being a bit absent  .  So much has happened, I will try to keep up.

Luisa and Lilirose - sorry you find yourself here   but I hope our experiences can help  

Beth - you sound super busy, hope you're managing...not long until holidays  

Rach - crossing everything for you, safe travelling  

Jess - i'm at create and will be on clexane from ov, it stings a little  

Michi - I think you need little treats to get you through.  I have a little icecream each day...for the dairy you understand  

sl4e - hope you're doing ok  

Afm I am on day 12 of natural fet,  scan shows 2 follies bigger than 11 but not big enough.  I normally ov around day 21 so plenty of time, lining getting there.  I am a little worried as my ov kits often are in conclusive and it's the ov pain which confirms, apparently this is too late so don't want to miss it  .  They may trigger with ovitrelle will will make it easier....we will see.

Enjoy the sunshine,

Lil' one


----------



## Lilirose

Hi Lil'one

natural FET?  What is that if you don't mind me asking? If it's FET why does it matter re follies?

Lx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi lilirose

Natural fet is replacing the frostie in a natural cycle, they scan and do ov test to time things so frostie goes back 'in synch.
We got pg from the frostie's brother, so   hard this one will stick.
Hope your phone review goes well tonight  

Lil' one


----------



## Lilirose

Ah I see.  So they wait till your natural cycle does its thing and puts them back in at the right time.  Interesting never heard of that before. Makes sense though.  Well if it worked once, please God it'll happen again!  

Thanks

Lx


----------



## Michimoo

Lil one & Beth - lovely to hear from you ladies.

Lil one - OV kits never work on me. It's just another stick I've never seen two lines on!

Beth - Wow you sound up to your eyes in work at the mo.

Rach - so we will get to meet then? That'll be lovely after all this time chatting. 

Lilli - what did Penny respond about talking about DE to convince DH?

Luisa - living in the canaries - you lucky lady.

Sl4e - you're making me hungry. Pavlova - yummy!

AFM - I'm packing at the mo & think my suitcase is going to be well over 25kg! 
Got to pack my shoes, wash bag & drugs yet!
Feeling a bit negative about everything today. Not sure why. I just can't believe that I'm on this rollercoaster again. 
5th time lucky eh ladies? I know I say that everytime. But one time it's got to work, hasn't it?


----------



## Lilirose

Michimoo, Penny thinks we could try another OE, i must disagree with her there seeing as how we don't have a bottomless pit of money.  I had emailed her re the idea of DE after the BFN and she said we need DH to be happy too.  But as I now THINK he will consider it, I said to her about it again and she said "we will speak tomorrow" smiley face ! So not sure what that means, will find out later I suppose.

God I had to be under 20kg,what airline do you fly with? 25kg is very generous. 

Listen, keep those PMA pants up, this could well be the one!

Lx


----------



## rocky1

Hello ladies not sure if i belong here? im a bit in limbo at the moment, just failed my 3rd icsi all fresh cycles planning on my fourth being FET as have some frosties from a previous cycle, i can see i havent been through half of what some of you ladies have, is this where i should be? sorry if im in the wrong place, lots of luck to all

Rocky xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovelies! Sun cream at the ready for everyone?! Not just those going to Athens!

Rach - am praying you get your lining to what it should be. All the very very best for your trip to Athens on Monday. It sounds like a great idea to be where penny is. I am the bcn ivf nightmare patient, so you are not alone tee hee! One of my emails read something along the lines of 'as always with you, more surprises!'. I keep threatening to really surprise them with a vajazzle before ET, if I ever get there again! I loved the sound of frolic acid, and I shall call it that from now on. Huge hugs xx

Mogster - how is the DR going? I can sympathise over the menopause symptoms, being a dried up husk of a squirrel with POF and actual menopause... Hope injections going well, all the best xx

Michimoo - each time i look at this thread, I am excited to see your decisions! Am also very pleaed the cream has helped your whit woo. Was chuckling in sympathy and thank you for making me smile. If you are feeling negative right now, am sure it is the worry of trying something new and travelling. Good luck with your flights, and once you are settled in your hotel, you will feel much better I hope. Believe in your decision, and good luck! Xx

Lilirose - hi hon! Sorry you find yourself here, but big welcome. I like your idea of PMA pants, I may go and buy a pair which I will wear on days I feel rubbish! There was a phase of lucky orange pants on another thread, as orange is the colour of fertility! Must try and find mine, though they havent given me luck so far! I think PMA pants should be bright and amusing  . F you ever want to chat about DE, let me know. I was clobbered with the decision at the very start and PM me anytime if you have worries or questions. My dh was initially shocked too xx

Jess - heres hoping Salisbury brings you your dreams. I had my initial diagnosis with them, before we moved and found them very nice. You are very brave with the clexane and I hope you found your answer xx

SL4E - 17!!!!!!! You inspire me buddy. Hope bbq and pavlova went down well xx

Luisa - welcome! Canary islands sounds lovely though am sure tricky for treatment with all the travelling? Definitely hear you about the money. We are having to borrow some from my amazing dad, super lucky that he can help for this time. Good luck hon xx

Lil One - hows things?i think it is a good sign that yout frosties brother gave a bfp! Wishing you all the best hon xx

Beth - wow, your work sounds incredibly hectic. Hope you are able to get even a little time for yourself? Xx

Lucky B - hope all well? xx

Rory - how you been hon? Xx

LTW - hope all ok yout end? Xx

Rocky - welcome and hugs xx

AFM, trying to use the new bit of hope and stay sane prior to rollercoaster of new DE PGD cycle. If we get to ET, I will be the happiest little squirrel in the world. Shame there are oodles of hurdles to even get there. Onwards. Chin up tits out ladies. C.U.T.O xxxxxxxx


----------



## Luisa8

Hi Ladies,
Does anyone know anything about or has taken dexamethazone[/size] injections after ET? 
[/size]Hi and welcome Rocky1!! I'm new on this thread too but everyone seems lovely and helpful too. I'm just getting over another BFN too....flippin horrible things that they are..  

Great post Squirrel2010......Especially liking the C.U.T.O


----------



## Jess81

Hi luisa,
I don't know anything about it as I've not ever had to have it. Looking it up on google it's classed as a steroid so I would assume its for some autoimmune issues??! 

If ur unsure about it hun then u should def ask the dr why he's giving it to u and what's it for?! Xx


----------



## Jess81

Squirrel, they are all lovely at Salisbury but we will move if this one doesn't work. Why am I brave do they hurt?? Surely they can't be any worse then gestone?? Xx


----------



## Michimoo

Welcome Rocky - sorry you find yourself here. Sorry about your failed cycle but good that you have a plan & next stage.

Luisa - no not had dexamethazome but I hear that's something Serum like to do, so maybe I will know about it soon! Why is it a problem?

Squirrel - I'm being thick but what is cuto?? I thought you were swearing at me for a moment  

Jess - Clexane are a bit more stingy & tend to leave bruises.

Lil rose - so how did your penny consult go & the DE convo?

Hey to everyone else.

I'm just taking a quick break from packing & cleaning the house to pop on, so can't be long.

But had a scan in the UK today before we fly tomorrow & I'm   already. It's day 6 of stimms & my left side seems to be asleep & right side not doing amazingly either! I have 2 large follies & the rest are weeny.  
I really thought with my FSH being low this month & taking DHEA for 2 1/2 months I might've got some nice juicy eggs. Feeling a bit deflated.


----------



## Jess81

Thanks mich, I bruise with the DR ones anyway so won't be new lol!!

Hope u have a successful trip and try not to worry they will hopefully catch up! 

Xx


----------



## Lilirose

Evening ladies,

Just spent a lovely day with my sis and her little girl.  Shes' 18 months and I was reading her a bedtime story which got me a bit choked up.  Very bittersweet.

Rocky, welcome hon x

Squirrel should we go for orange pma pants so? bit of a combo of both   thanks a mil for the offer of talking about DE, did it come out of the blue for you?  How did your DH get his head around it?  LOL re CUTO  

Luisa, I was on dexamethosone in tablet form though, that's the antibiotic right? 

Jess I found clexane grand, esp the spring loaded one> having said that often I did wimp out and use my numbing cream rather a lot...

Michimoo, review with Penny went ok, pretty much what I thought.  DH said nothing, she mentioned both OE and DE. She said she wouldn't say right now that I needed to move to OE yet.  She'd put me on a month of steroids next time before starting stimming.  And she'd add femara to the mix as well stims wise, which i've been on before through Napro (they're just tablets), but in the hope that I would get more eggs.  

Oh God my cat's just thrown up. Sigh. 

Lx


----------



## Luisa8

Hi Michimoo,

No, no problem re the dexamethazome ...just wondering what it is and why it's used...

Try and keep positive re the follies....It seems like a lifetime ago for me when I was doing own egg ivf but I still remember how difficult and stressful it was....much more than DE I think. Two large follies will make 2 large mature eggs which is all you need really. Still time for things to change too so keep strong and  

XXXXXXXX


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Just a very quick one to wish Michi a successful trip  and to send you all lots of love and well wishes! 
Xxx 
Sorry not posted much  but work is hectic and i'm trying to stay sane


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies... Mere post coming up!! 
Soooo today has been pretty  first off I ask my hubby to take 2 days off during the 2ww... 1 day on the first week and 1 day in the second week! He said that he could take the Monday off of the first week! Well what's the point in that!? So I proper threw my toys out the pram ( apologies for the saying!) and he agreed to take the Tuesday and the weds of the following week! 

My friend is doing her first icsi and had ET today... I really hope it works for them as I'd never wish what we have been through on them but I'm worried how I will react if it does work for her! I know this spuds really horrible but I think ill be really sad for us  I know she will understand but I don't want to say anything coz she is feeling really positive about it and I don't want to bring her down!! I don't know what to do!! I just really want it to work for all of us!! 

So I booked myself in for some reki and crystal healing and some hypnotherapy over the next few weeks! I'm willing to try anything to be honest!! When I saw the lady she immediately said to me I don't think u need hypno I think reki will help u! She gave me some crystals and a beautiful moonstone pendant and told me to wear it and not take it off! 

I'm still feeling really negative about this cycle and haven't even bloody started yet!!

Apologies again 

Jess cxxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi girls!

Luisa - dexamethasone is def steroid and more potent than prednisolone. Hope it goes well either way, worth asking doc why injectable rather than pills... How you feeling post bfn? You are sounding pro active and hope that means recovery phase of everything xx

Lucky B - hi hon, keep sane! Xx

Jess - I was told clexane stung a lot! Gestone sounds hideous. Either way you are still brave! Just saw your new post. Being hugely honest, I was gutted when my friends ivf worked first time, but gutted for me if that makes sense. Of course I was happy for her, but my jealous monster popped out and I struggled. So whatever happens, whatever reaction you have is normal and you will get through it i promise. The dh thing is just another example of blokes not getting how important certain things are with regards tww etc! Keep up with your complimentary medicines and just focus on you and getting from one step to another. Hope the crystals help xx

Michimoo - tee hee, would never swear at you!! Chin Up Tits Out! Mantra told to me by a fabulous long term friend who rode the ivf rollercoaster for years. Now, deep breath, and take it one step at a time. You just dont know what those follies will be doing in a few days. I had a friend in similar position then it all suddenly turned around. You want decent quality so fewer may not matter. Thinking eggie vibes for you and sending huge hugs. You can do this, one day at a time. Massive hugs xx

Lilirose - liking our pma pants planning! Combo works for me! The DE thing was a sledgehammer blow right at the start. Came off pill, plummeted into early menopause diguised by pill for multiple years, no choice but DE. Massive shock, but as no choice, dh had to compromise. For now, baby is most important thing so level of compromise had to happen. It does screw with your mind but over the years I have resolved some massive issues in my head, or buried them for now at least. Pm me anytime, or any of the other donor girls on here . Ps hope cat is ok! xx

Everyone - this sunshine is fabulous. That plus the sea plus oestrogen is making my squirrel tail quite fluffy for now! Lining scan next week. Feels like my very first cycle to be honest, as it is the first time we have a shot i suppose. Hope people dont mind the treatment chat? Is this the wrong place for it? Tell me to pipe down if so. Hugs to all xx


----------



## Michimoo

Squirrel - don't be silly we all have times when we are or are not going through treatment. We are here to support each other no matter what journey we are on. Oh get it now C.U.T.O to you too!  

Jess - that is completely normal for you to feel like that. I met a potentially very good friend when cycling at ARGC for the first time. She was older than me & it was her 1 st IVF attempt & my 3rd. I kindda coached her through the whole thing & supported her through everything. She was about 3 days ahead of me in treatment. When she was low I'd cheer her up & when she was psychotic I'd calm her down. She got PG & I didn't (again) & I had to say farewell to our blossoming friendship as it was too hard for me.  So it's totally natural.

Lucky B - thanks for the wishes Hun. Just hoping I get a bit of Penny magic. 

Lilirose - how's the pussy cat doing? Hair balls?

Luisa - yeah it's just a shock as it looked like I had quite a few on day 1 & I'm wondering where on earthe the rest have gone to?


Afm - I'm in Athens & started to get butterflies on the plane. Couldn't believe I'm doing this again. I said to DH, shall we just go out for the weekend & go for dinner with friends then go home on Sunday? To which he answered ummmmmm nope!  
My case was 21.7kg oops!   I'm sure I'm not going to wear half of the stuff. 
Off for my first scan with Penny tomorrow morning    
Just hope my follies are waking up.

Can I have some follie dances please ladies?  
Xx


----------



## rocky1

Hi ladies thankyou for the warm welcome   i took my 2ww sick and have 1 week of leave to take next week before i go back to work (sure my employer wont be impressed i will have to have yet more treatment) but just going to try enjoy the sun and catch up with family, amd off to london next weekend to visit friends, i am just wondering when the pain of this latest failed cycle will kick in   i am so oddly calm compared to the others, which makes me think theres something wrong with me   xx

jess i think reiki will be fab for you, i love love it and have never felt so relaxed, i really like all the crystal, angel stuff etc, enjoy it xx

michimoo thankyou for your welcome. Im sorry to hear about your scan, but hopefully those 2 will produce a couple of excellent eggs everything crossed for you   xx

luisa thankyou   its a shame anyone has to be here isnt it, everyone deserves that bfp xx

squirel best of luck for your lining scan next week xx

Hope everyone has a great weekend   xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Good afternoon ladies!
Luisa, I had a dex injection once when my lupus flared, it was in a long-lasting format (6 weeks), worked well with no side effects.
Michimoo, glad you've arrived safely and hope those follies are nurturing beautiful eggs.
If anyone goes on vacation in Eastern europe, Wizz Air has a massive 30kg baggage allowance, and not expensive either for flights   
Squirrel, glad you're feeling more positive, and the pavlova went down so well I have to make another for Sunday's shared lunch. 
jess   , it is hard when friends have treatment, you don't want to wish them bad luck but if they get there before you it hurts.
Lilirose, will there be pics of you in the orange bloomers?    I've had chokey moments with my gorgeous niece too over the years.
Rach, safe travels too for you hun.
Rocky, make the most of your time off to look after YOU x
Lots of love to everyone else....need to dash out and get something for DH's dinner.    fire alarm went off in Tesco at lunchtime, so had to abandon shopping and evacuate store, it often does it at that particular store. I'd actually remembered everything on the list too. Pfft. I'll be OK cos I'm having dinner with college buddies at a trendy restaraunt in town x


----------



## Rach76

A very big hi to everyone. And thanks for all the well wishes. Am so busy trying to get sorted for Athens. Haven't even booked the hotel yet, must do that tonight. But school is out for summer now so that makes things a bit easier. So haven't managed to post much on here lately. But just wanted you all to know I have been reading all your posts and thinking about you all ( in between teaching lessons!) and am still here just lurking a bit. 

Rach x


----------



## pinkpixie

Luisa dexamethasone is a steroid I had tablets before and during my successful cycle and then up to 12wks. I then had injections at 28wks for babies lungs as had a bleed. The injections aren't pleasant but I think after treatment u get used to nasty injections  I did get side effects off both inj and tablets pm me if u want anymore info.
Have everything crossed for those of u saving treatment xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning ladies

Michi -       here's the follie dance!  It must be your turn,    for you.  Be careful in the sun, lots of water!  I guess you had your first scan? Hope all was well   

Lilirose - hope you sorted the cat.........  .....just what you need in 30 degree heat   .  The money thing is a big deal, too, isn't it?  We plan to go to ARGC if this one doesn't work, and they've quoted up to £15k!!  , i guess it's worth it in the end......we'll be adding it to our mortgage.

Jess - i totally understand your feeling about your friend, i feel the same, a colleague just got BFP after her first go, and it just feels unfair, i'm ashamed of my feelings sometimes, but i know you guys understand   

Squirrel - i am fine with your trt chat, i thought the same actually as i put something on here last week about mine!  Is this the first PGD cycle for you?

Rocky - it's difficult to juggle work, isn't it? I have done most of my trt in annual leave, although i did have a few days sick for one.....i can't remember which.....i am trying to keep it private as i work with a load of gossips!  I plan to take sick if we need to do ARGC, and will say 'gynae proceedure' which isn't untrue.  Don't worry about how you feel, just feel it, i have felt similar following recent failed cycles....you just get used to that feeling of bitter dissappointment   

Hi to everyone else, we are becoming which a big bunch now!!

Enjoy the sunshine and CUTO!!

Lil' one


----------



## bethholm

Luisa- will pm you today- sorry it is later than promised- DS had hernia operation yesterday so stress levels what with work are on overdrive!I lost count how many times,sobbing I told the hospital staff that he was a result of 8 IVFs and 4 MCs (although I sensed a change in one of the staff when I explained he was DD- ignorance re epigenetics strikes again!) as to why he was so precious!

Will read back and do more personals later, but indeed CUTO- and keep the faith.

Much love

B xxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. Hoping you are all ok. 

Beth- I really hope DS gets well soon. Sending you loads of hugs. X x

Lil'one- how's you doing? 

Sl4e- how are you doing? How far gone are you now. Hope you are getting a nice baby bump x 

Hi rocky and welcome. So sorry to hear about your bfn. Really hope you can take the time to relax and plan your next move. 

Michimoo- how are those follicles doing? Looking forwards to meeting up with you in Athens. 

Squirrel best of luck with your lining scan next week. Hope you are still all bushy tailed! 

Jess how's are you doing. Are you chilled out after relki? 

Afm- I am beginning to loose the plot. So emotional today. Really worried about going out to Athens on Monday. Every time I go there something goes wrong and it is just disappointment after disappointment. I am really trying to be positive but its just so hard. I think it's more to do with all these drugs I am on-sending me  . I just so want it to work. Surely it had got be my time soon? Praying it is 13th time lucky!!!!!!! 

Rach x


----------



## Cranky Angie

Just wondered if I could join yr thread .... Was really loving my last thread until everyone started getting BFPs except for me   in between treatment right now but planning to go back for frosties in sept .... Although tbh still haven't got my head round this bfn this time. For some reason I really thought this time was going to work ..... Why am I so stupid? You would think I would've learnt by now ....  
Anyway looks like a great thread promise to not always be this miserable  
Ange xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Oh Ang, of course you're welcome. This thread is the place to be miserable as we all know how it feels. After each bfn it never gets any easier.   take the time to grieve.

Rach - yes looking forward to finally meet after all this time. 

Lil one - thanks for the follie dance looks like it helped.  

Beth - hope DS is recovering ok? You're very restrained not saying anything to those nurses!  

Hey all other ladies.

Off to the beach today with DH as we have a day off of clinic visits (tbh it's Sunday & I think they want the day off too) got a bit red yesterday so will have to slap some cream on.
Penny advised EC maybe Wed but I'm not happy about that as that's only 9 days of Stims & I still want to give the other little ones a chance to catch up. At ARGC last time Mr T coasted me on until day 13 & I got the most eggs with them, so I know it works. Guess I'll debate that with her on Monday.
So the right side has awoken & there are 4-6 on the right & the left only the 2 
So lots of "to the left" follie dances for me now please?  

Hope you're all ok? Right off to get sand in my pma pants! 
xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi Michimoo
Thanks for the welcome! 
I notice you were at Wessex too (I also did 2 rounds on the short protocol,  7 eggs, 3 put back BFN both time), it was them that then referred me to IB for DE which I thought was going to do the trick but didn't so have now ended up at Serum.  I loved the clinic and Penny and everything about it apart from it didn't work! (again).  Have a great day at the beach ... sorry not up to scratch on follie dances .... maybe someone else can help?! 

Hi to everyone else, hopefully will get to know you better soon.  Is anyone planning to cycle again in Sept?

ange x


----------



## Michimoo

That's ok Ange, just do a little dance in your front room but make sure you lean to the left!


----------



## rocky1

cranky angie, so sorry to see you here    im hoping to do FET in september with a bit of luck xx

michimoo sounds like your right is doing good, hopefully your left can play catch up now and you can have a few more days xx

rach thankyou!! all the best of luck for athens xx

lil one yes it really hard, i have been honest with mine as i have found it easier with all the scan appointments etc, but i dont blame anyone for keeping it quet atall, i have gossips to, just telling the bosses the whole workforce know my business   it is strange but this is the calmest i have been, ahh well like you say you kind of expect/ get used to that disapointment xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Michimoo, I was   last night cos it was the bikini wax episode of Mrs Brown's Boys.....and thought of you   . Sending some    vibes to your left ovary.
Hello Ange, & welcome. W're quite  used to the whole spectrum of emotions over here hun. My 1st attempt at DD was my hardest to get over too, as I'd convinced myself it'd work, and everyone on that thread had gotten pregnant til myself & 2 cycle buddies came home with 3 BFNs.
Rach, keep hoping, 13 was always my mum's lucky number - and it was just before our 13th wedding anniversary that we got lucky, 22 wks today, and it shows!
   really hard as often as possible for each and every one of you


----------



## Luisa8

They are for you Michimoo!!!   
Ange!!  I'm thinking of changing my name to Cranky Luisa...  

I'm still moping about feeling sorry for myself after my last bfn. I'm doing my usual coping method which is planning my next try and what I will do different but then it hits me that unlike all the other times, we have run out of dosh!!!   and I have absolutley no idea how long it's going to take to save up... Not to mention the small problem of DH wanting to throw in the towel...
I mentioned to Penny that we were out of funds and having to save up and she said September is a good month cos she has lots of donors...I almost replied well, maybe September 2015!!  I'm finding it really difficult to accept that this might not ever happen and really, the reason is financial.
Bethholm... honestly no rush! Interested to hear your story but you sound like you are having a tough & stressful time at the moment. I hope DS is recovering well and you are ok too  
Rach76- Good luck in Athens.      
Lots of love to everyone I haven't mentioned.....lots of  and  to those that need it.

xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Lilirose

Hi girls

Luisa, we are in a similar position, in that for once we don't actually have enough money to do another cycle anytime soon.  How does Penny having lots of donors in September help you financially??  Or is that her just missing your 'i have no more money' point??  I regret now that I didn't pay the Eur4k for the two OE cycles, as I had been planning on doing. The only reason I didn't is I was so disappointed with my response when I had my first scan with Penny that on ET day I made the last minute decision to just pay for one OE cycle as I was full sure I wouldn't do another one, that I would move to DE.  But between DH not being on board with DE and Penny telling us in our review that we didn't have to move to DE straight away, that we still had a chance with my own eggs, I would prob do another OE cycle.  But now I have to come up with Eur3k more.  And that's just for the cycle, never mind the flights and accommodation....Sigh. 

Seemslike4eva, 22 weeks today?  Brilliant!  Halfway there    LOL at the sound of Wizz Air, is that an actual airline?!!    And yes, if I get a BFP I shall go out and buy a pair of orange pants and model them on ********!!!!!  How was dins with your college mates? 

Angie, hey, good to see you although not at the same time, if you know what I mean!!  I agree, the latest burst of BFPs on the thread is really hard to see, I feel even more like a total loser, speaking for myself.  I know nobody has had it easy, but it's just hard when it hasn't worked for you... So you're defo going back in September for your frosties?  

Michimoo, yeah I got 8 eggs with ARGC.  think it was cos they made me wait till I got a good FSH/LH reading that particular month.  If you're not happy with EC on Wed tell Penny you want to wait another day or so.  Hope your day at the beach was nice.  LOL I now have To the left Beyonce song in my head    Do you have another scan tomorrow? re the Cat, no she just upchucks every week or so. I think she has a very delicate tummy, bless    It's so minging though. Right now shes just throwing herself in and out of the house, from the garden in adn back again.  She gets a bit nuts in the heat  

Rach, you poor thing, I can sense how anxious you are.  And no wonder, given your experience to date but things HAVE to get better!!!  When are you flying out, early tomorrow?  Did you get a hotel sorted?

Betholm, God your poor little DS, and not liking the sound of the medical staff attitude changing when they heard he was DD  What has that got to do with anything - people!!!  

Actually since you mention it, can anyone explain what Epigenetics is in a nutshell  I keep hearing about it since I started thinking of DE...

Lil'one, I did a cycle in ARGC two years ago and it cost us Eur15k, incl. the cycle cost, the constant bloods, the accommodation, 'emergency' IVIG, flights and living costs.  It was all a bit mental but we got a great number of eggs and got to blast for the first time ever.  didn't work but as cycles go, it was a good one.  I dunno, I'd prob go back there if i had the money I guess, cos they are good and London is more convenient obv than Athens, esp from Dublin as the direct flights to Athens finish halfway through September. 

Squirrel thanks a mil for the advice re the DE, may well need to talk it through if DH can come around.  I have a recommendation of a counsellor who specializes in it and also another girl told me that NISIG meetings deal with it so I might see if i can drag DH to one of those. 

Jess, I really think the reiki will help you.  I have done it twice i the past and i always feel so much lighter and more positive after it.  Not to mention absolutely shattered!!!  Re your friend doing a cycle, I'm in the same situation in that my sis is on the 2ww after her first IVF.  It's not that I don't want it to work for her, I do, I just don't know how I'll be if it does work first time.  It'll be really hard, and I'm not one to hide my feelings about things. we've already talked about it and it's just such crap basically.  Like you, I just want this to happen for us all, every single person who goes through it.....

Michi, few more dancers  

        

Lx


----------



## Luisa8

Hi Lilirose! Sorry to hear u are broke like me  . It's rubbish isn't it. I really must start doing the lottery as u've gotta be in it to win it and I'm not even flippin in it!!    I 'm not sure Penny actually understood what I was saying about not being able to cycle for the foreseeable future... I don't really know but it kind of made me smile in a strange sort of way   . 


What do Serum charge for an own egg cycle then? €4000 for 2 cycles or €3000 for one? I keep hearing about these "packet" deals some clinics offer where you pay €7000 (I think) and get I'm not sure how many tries (with DE) and if it doesn't work you get so much back. Wish I'd done something like that myself now but who knew it wasn't going to work!!   


I'm not the best at explaining things but Epigentetics is the theory that the baby in your womb grows and develops differently in "your" womb than it would in someone else's womb. So it's as important, if not more so, the womb the baby grows in, than any silly unimportant genes....Well, that's how I like to think of it anyway   . I'm sure someone will probably be able to explain better than that though...  
XXXXXXXXX


----------



## Jess81

Lilirose, 
Wow u and ur sis having ivf... That must have been tough! It's just crap isn't it.. I would genuinely be over the moon for her if it did work coz I'm not sure how she would manage doing more cycles! She had a very tough time with this one. I did say to her today, u realise if it works my advice stops co I've never been past this bit! She just looked at me and said I so hope it works for u  me too hun me too!! It would be great if we could be pg together we are very close and we only met last year! 

I would honestly have it work for people I know 1st time then have to go through what we have... And I know that's not a huge amount compared to some of the lovely ladies on this thread! 

We have been having the chat of when do we stop?? And we have decided we will have 1 more fresh cycle if this one doesn't work and then any fet's we can get out of that! Unless of course we decide to go to serum and we will buy the 2 fresh cycles! The limit for me is 10 cycles I think we will have given a good chance to work by then! 

Xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Consider that a follie dance, cuddles and smiles for those feeling crap, celebration for those in proud posession of bumps, and also a hint of how much I would love us all to be successful one day. Hopefully one day soon.

Hi Cranky Angie! Great name. Welcome. Hugs xx

Rach - a little wobble is fine, tomorrow will be better. You can do this, one fairy step at a time. If you need to cry and scream to let off steam, do it. Wishing you all the best in Athens, keep strong. You have to be in it to win it, and though the journey sucks, you just never know what may happen this time. Hugs xx

Michimoo - the Beyonce song has to be your mantra now! To the left to the left! Am wiggling on my sofa for you. Dh thinks I am weird! Focus on Wednesday and keep brave, keep growing those little eggies and remember it only takes one. Talk to Penny if you are worried, and we are all here for you and of course Rach! Hugs xx

Beth - thinking of you and hope DS on the mend, hugs for you all xx

Lilirose - wow, tough position for you with your sis. Mine gets pg every time she sits on a seat her husband has vacated, plus she is my twin. Really feel for you, and also wish we could all win the lottery to solve at least one part of our ivf misery! Hugs xx

Luisa - you are very much allowed to mope about, especially with finance rubbish going alongside everything. Just take it slow with your post bfn recovery, maybe some time out will get you recharged for next go and able to save as much as possible. You can mope as much as you like on here, we will look after you, hugs xx ps thank you for the epigenetics thing. It is one of the only things that helps me deal with the donor side of things xx

Lil One - second pgd cycle so feel like we are only just starting, what with all the issues we have had each time. The pgd just ramps up the costs and the heartache, waiting to see if we even get blasts let alone if they are genetically normal and survived the biopsy! Nothing simple in our ivf career! How you doing? 

Jess - must have been hard to have chat with dh but your plans sound very sensible and who knows what will happen before you reach that stage, hugs xx ps how was reiki?

Rocky - hows thing with you hon? Hugs xx

SL4E - glad all ticking along well, hugs! Xx

Everyone, am sure I have missed things as so many posts, apologies if so. 

Am a sports widow this week and weekend, what with cricket and tour de france etc. thank goodness a break now, I may actually get some attention! Tee hee. Scan tuesday followed by dentist. What a morning. Hope I dont drop my knickers in the dentist by accident! 

Love Squirrel xxx



Lil One -


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lilirose & Luisa, this last cycle was 'it' for us financially too - and probably emotionally not so much from being ready to give up, but fed up of the few people who did know, and who'd caught at the drop of the drawers themselves, telling us to call it a day cos it was never going to happen! This cycle was funded from a lucrative gardening job DH landed. If only the money-tree really existed.
Squirrel, i would love to see the dentists face if you did!
I had a lovely night with my college mates, it's taken me many years to gain confidence to socialise with people in a group, think being single til I was 30, then the IF, had a lot to do with it, touches so many areas of our lives x


----------



## Jess81

Squirrel, I've not had the reki yet I just went to see the lady to chat it over, I go on Thursday to have a proper appt.

Very nervous today as I have my endo scratch... I know it's going to hurt because of when I had my NK cells biopsy done! I've got some co-codamol to take an hour before so hopefully that will take the edge off! 

Xxx


----------



## Lilirose

Ugh, Jess, you're having an endo scratch when conscious?  Poor thing, hope it's ok xxx  yeah it's really tough my sis having the IVF the week after I tested BFN - tough for both of us really, I was feeling like crap but trying to support her and she was really disappointed that my IVF didn't work and probably feeling it for herself as well. Timing could have been better I guess.  yeah we really wanted to be pregnant at the same time as well...

Luisa, yeah it's Eur3k for one cycle or Eur4k for 2 but I think you have to use the 2 within 12 months of the first.  Think DE is around Eur5k.  It's weird that for the first time in 4 years we just don't have the money for another cycle if we wanted to do one soon.  We'll have to try and save for it adn i'm not working right now so i'm not sure how we'll save anything...I'm 40 in October too so am really conscious of that.  Thanks for the explanation re epigenetics x  I'm not sure is my DH actually not liking the DE or is he just scared of keeping trying or what.  I don't know what to think...

Squirrel, jesus re your twin.  My God that must be really hard for you.  My other sis gets pregnant as soon as her DH looks at her so I know how hard that can be as well.  And she got pregnant on her honeymoon and had a Christmas baby.  It was just ridiculously hard for me... LOL well if you do drop your knickers in the dentist, at least make sure they're orange  

Seemslike4eva, thankfully nobody has said that to us, that we should stop trying, esp those who get pregnant easily.  I don't know how I would react to that sort of 'advice' - not well, anyway!  Hope your DH can pick up another great gardening job!  Glad to hear your night out was such good fun x

Lx


----------



## Jess81

Lilirose, 
all done, it was no where near as bad as i thought it was going to be! in fact the catheter going in was more painful then the actual scratch!!! 

now another question... i've asked for clexane and the cons said yes and he's also told me to have asprin to go with it.... but i'm on gestone because before i had it i always bled on day 6, does having the clexane mean that the risk of bleeding will be hightened again or will the gestone stop it sorry for all the questions! xxxx


----------



## Lilirose

Glad to hear it Jess!

Re the Gestone/Clexane/Aspirin combo, I've been on all these on one of my cycles but I can't remember whether it was the cycle where I bled before being able to test.  When you say you bleed on Day 6, you mean Day 6 after embryo transfer?  I was on clexane and aspirin this cycle and also 800mg of cyclogest though and that kept AF away as well till a few days after my OTD BFN.


----------



## Michimoo

Ok, so I'm typing this on my phone by the pool so I'll try & do as many personals as I can.

Beth - how's the little one doing after the op?

Squirrel - you did make me lol about dropping your knickers in the dentist. I guess we are all so used to doing that now that anyone in a white coat is a knicker dropping opprtunity!  
They'd get a shock with me dropping mine. Still in recovery from crazy Indian waxing bird. 

Jess - good luck today with the endo scratch. Hope it's not as bad you you thought?
I had clexane /asprin / Gestone & didn't bleed last cycle. 

Sl4e - know of any more good gardening jobs? Think I may have to find one of those when I get back. I'll have to watch the bikini wax episode when I'm home on catch up.  

Lil one - although I'm here in Athens I really do rate Argc. The daily monitoring & daily drug adjustment is something I had utter faith in. Although you need to give up your life for 2 weeks.

Luisa & lil rose - my DH has already said that this child will be born in debt & will be expected to earn its keep from 16! Sorry you are feeling down there are no words of comfort, just support from us all who understand the pain. I usually go silent & disappear for a bit ( just Pre warning you if mines another negative) I'm normally numb for a bit then all of a sudden when I'm least expecting it, it slaps me like a sledgehammer in the face. By this time DH has left the Country & I'm on my own with my own thoughts. (Never good)
But if I've learnt anything it's you need a good cry, because it is sad. 

Ange - glad you've got a plan already & one on ice waiting for you. Never got thàt far myself, but I've heard its a lot less stressful doing a FET. 

Rocky - how are you feeling today?

Rach - looking forward to meeting up soon. 

Lucky B, Hbk & all the other lovely ladies - hope you are ok whatever stage you're currently at?

AFM - wow I've had the full works this morning. Scan which was poo, think they are a shrivelling up. Everytime she scans she says there are less than the previous scan?! Today she said there was only one on the left! Where on earth had the other one gone then?
Thanks for the dances ladies. Made me smile. "To the left, to the left" 
I had intralipids this morning & then walked to the hospital for an ECG.

So Penny says a couple more days of stimming without me having to argue with her so I'm happy with that. We are back in tomorrow for another scan. 
I'm now topping up my tan & getting in the pool before I can't anymore. 
Hmmmm have to say this cycle is a lot less stressful than all the others. I'd be on the way back from London now if I was at the Argc after being there since 7:30am. 

Hope I've remembered everyone?

Ok I'd better post this now before my phone battery dies & I lose the whole thing.
M
Xx


----------



## Mogster

Hi all,
Really struggling to keep up! I must go back and try and read what everyone has been up to. 

Welcome new ladies x

Michimoo I am dancing to the left and right for you              

Jess glad all went well today. I had endo scratch and as you said the actual scratch was fine. Few cramps afterwards but recovered quickly. On to the next step for you  

Beth I hope things are better for you.

Sorry cant do more personals but it won't let me go further back at the moment. I am however thinking of you all and sending you positive thoughts.

         

AFM Well I am still DR injecting at the moment and AF has arrived with avengance which is good but bad. To make matters worse I had a fracture appointment today and my doctor isn't happy with how my break is heeling/job the physio is doing so I'm being urgently referred to a specialist.  Let's see what urgent looks like on the NHS! 

All too much!

Still I am smiling and I am still feeling positive


----------



## Lilirose

Hi girls

Mogster, hi, don't think we've chatted before?  What did you break? Sounds sore!

Michimoo, you walked all the way to the hospital, from Serum? In that heat? Ya madser    How did your scan go today? I can empathise with the crappy scans, I'd gone over thinking i had 10 antral follicles, only for Penny to find just 3 'on the left' - I woudl have needed a 'to the right' dance    I thought you couldn't sunbathe or swim at all, so I didn't when in athens.  Wish they'd give you clear instructions on that.

AFM i'm now thinking of Lister!!  Talk about hopping all over the place, two in Sims (Dublin), one in Gennet in Prague, one in ARGC and one in Serum. Lister is a clinic i had looked at at the very start of my IVFs and we did have a consult there but never pursued it.  Went to ARGC instead.  Trying to get a phone consult set up...

Lx


----------



## Michimoo

Hey Mogster - hooray for AF arriving - on to the next stage. An urgent NHS referral hmmmm wonder how long that will be? Thanks for the dance, it must've worked as the other one in the left made an appearance today. 

Lil rose - you've made me worried now about sunbathing.  
I know after EC there is no swimming/baths etc because of risk of infection. And no sunbathing/overheating after ET so not to cook the embies. But heat is meant to help develop the follicles. 
Guess ill find out in the next few days as trigger is tonight.
The Dr did comment that I looked a lot browner than yesterday & I said vitamin D, which he replied - very good, very good. He didn't yell at me so I hope that's approval that I'm not doing anything to jepodise this cycle.

Think I might go on a google frenzy now.


----------



## Lilirose

ah i think it's just if you were on Doxy, the antibiotic cos you're more likely to burn on it.  So if you're not it's fine and as you say, its the equivalent of having a hot water bottle on your tummy    don't be worrying x

what doctor? Male? Not penny?


----------



## Michimoo

The Dr they call "dr Hotty"   I'm on Prixina instead of Doxy. So far so good.


----------



## Lilirose

Ah, Javier Bardem    Are you going to request penny for your EC and ET though?


----------



## rory2011

Hey ladies...I've been away 2 weeks and it's taken me hours to catch up with the news.
Welcome to all the new peeps, sorry you're on here but it is a great thread. 

Rach & Michi hope Penny works her magic on you both.
Beth, hope your little man is doing well and gets home soon.

I can't remember where everyone is up to.

Well we are hoping having another go in Oct time. I was hoping it would be Aug but DH will be away with work at the crucial time (if af behaved itself). Had a difficult conversation but its going to be our last oe before we embark on other options. I am going to spend the next few months prepping by losing a few pounds...put a few on on hols and never really lost the pounds I have accumulated over the last few years of treatment....so will do something positive for the next few months as my pma has gone awol!


----------



## Mogster

Hi,

Lilirose I had a spiral fracture on my left hand. Did it a couple of months ago now but despite being out of the cast for over 5 weeks I still have little movement in the knuckle where the fracture started. 

Amazingly NHS have acted urgently!!! Referral Monday, phone call Tuesday and appointment Wednesday!!! Fingers crossed it goes well tomoro  

Michimoo I'm glad my dance worked     things continue to improve for you x

Hi Rory welcome back. Hope October comes around quickly for you and good luck with the weight loss x

Take care everyone and keep smiling and think positive


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi lovely ladies

Mogster - glad NHS bucking up their ideas for you! Thankyou for the positivity xx

Rory - nice to see you, hope holiday was good! Wow, very brave and good plans being made, I pray your next one will be the time for you so no need for other options. Sounds like getting your body how you want it is a really good focus, go for it girl! Xx

Michimoo - i reckon vit D is great for you, plus the warmth and relaxation! Good luck! Keep us posted! I believe in you xx

Lilirose - I had second opinion at lister with the amazing Dr Yau Thum. Expensive but would have great hopes for any cycle with him! Really recommend doing face to face appointment rather than phone, I know it is a hassle but you can really get a feel for the place...how are you feeling buddy? Xx

Hi everyone else!!

Sending love to all xx


----------



## Jess81

Eeeeeekkkkkkkk my drugs arrived!!! All feeling very real now and am I really ready to do this again!!! Please please work this time.... 6th time lucky right?! Xx


----------



## Michimoo

Jess, that's exactly how I feel right now. Just because we are veterans at this, doesn't make it any easier each time we do it does it?

Rory - the best way I lost weight was the "my fitness pal" app. It becomes addictive. Have you tried it?

Lil rose - I know Penny doesn't do EC's. not sure about Dr Hotty though. Who did yours then?
I don't care as long as they take their time & go on an egg hunt to find the golden one!

Mogster - Wowsers that has to be the fastest NHS appt going. I'm still waiting for the allergy test appt from last cycle. 

AFM - I triggered last night & am now pooping myself. Can't believe I'm doing this again!
Just to make things worse I've got a hole in my tooth which has appeared & an ulcer underneath it, a sore throat & I'm getting a cold sore from the sun! Been on intralipids & steriods & can't take anything else! So all in all I'm feeling on tip top form. NOT! 
Why doesn't anything go smoothly eh?

M
Xx


----------



## Lilirose

Hi girls

Rory, feel for you, our next go whcih would be our 6th, would be OE and it would be the last one.  I said I wouldn't do another OE after the one just gone but Penny reckons I still have a chance and DH isn't ready to move to DE so one more OE then we'll look at DE. In the meantime i need to work on him accepting DE, I'm trying to get an appt with a counsellor who specialises in IVF and DE and also there's a donor meeting happening here next month that I'm going to make him go to with me.  We sort of had a quick conversation about it all last night (although he's not one for talking about these things) and I know he will need a lot of convincing but am happy he's possibly convince-able if you know what i mean...  October will race in, believe me it's my 40th birthday then, and as much as i'm trying to push it away, October's getting closer and closer    And FX you won't have to look into any options after that x

Mogster, ouch, sounds sore.  Is there anything else they need to do re your knuckle to fix it? Or is it just a case of being patient and waiting for it to heal?  Amazed at the speed of NHS from what I hear of it but that's great!

Squirrel that's who I had my consult with back in 2011!  So we have had a face to face before and checked the place out a bit - and I literally have no money for a flight over, I'm not working (although I have a second interview for a job tomorrow - FX!) so hoping they are ok with the phone interview.  Skype would be great otherwise if they did that...  I'm a bit up and down thanks, I'm starting to feel a bit better as a plan is formulating in my head  

Jess, well my next one with be the sixth, so totally 6th time lucky!!!  

Michimoo, oh yeah sorry I was out so quickly for EC (lovely anesthetist, and so good at his job - never felt so good after an EC before!!) i forgot penny doesn't do EC.  She did do ET.  One of the girls was saying Javier Bardem did hers and it was a bit sore?  Maybe it would have been sore anyway.  I just think I'm in serum because of penny so I would want her to do as much of my procedures as possible.  Which she did.  LOL yes the main thing is they have a good rummage when they go in there    Hole in your tooth??  Oooh you triggered!  Exciting!!

Lx


----------



## Jess81

Oh Mich, poor you but Fx when u feel rubbish it will work..... 
Lilirose,  6th time lucky i'm all up for believing that lol 

xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies
Hope you're coping with the heat   
Michi - i have it all crossed for you, must be your turn?   
Jess - must be 6th time lucky   
Rory - good luck with the weight loss, i too am struggling with it, and have put on some throughout these years......i would recommend my fitness pal, on desktop and mobile.  It just helps you see where the calories are coming from - an eye opener!   
Hope you're all doing ok, it's a busy thread, must try harder....  
AFM am waiting to surge to then put back little blasto (we call him bam-bam).  Bit stressed as today one test showed two strong lines, but one defo stronger than the other....so it should be tomorrow   
Lil' one


----------



## Lilirose

Lil'one, waiting for surge before you have your FET? How does that work?  Is this an OPK you're doing, were you saying it's to ensure the embies are put back as close to when you'd naturally ov as possible? 

Lx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

just popped by, I'm keeping an eye on you all   
  to everyone xx


----------



## Luisa8

Hi Ladies, 
Just a "quickie" from me too to say lots and lots of luck to the ladies in Athens at the moment. Thinking of you   

Re losing weight...Before my last cycle I did a 9 day detox. It's based on Aloe Vera and it is a "clean" more than a losing weight programme but saying that you definitly do lose weight on it. The idea is that it cleans out your system of clogged up toxins that have built up over the years and it gives you a sort of clean blank canvas inside (sort of thing). It's alsosupposed to be very good for the immune system which also interested me. I read up a lot about it and I have to say I was impressed with the results, the first couple of days are tough but after that you feel so energized it's amazing and the weight drops off....and up to now has stayed off (even though I've since been attacking the crisps and beer  ) 
Now I'm saying all this, I still got a flippin BFN    but I do believe I'm an extremely difficult and rubbish case and it certainly couldn't have done me any harm. I'll be doing it again for my next cycle. If anyone's interested in doing it PM me for more info  It isn't cheap but in the grand scheme of things...hey, whats another hundred quid  

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Michimoo

I did the lose a stone in a week diet after last cycle & I have to say I did cave in on day 4 & had a ham sandwich for lunch. However I still lost 7lbs in one week & it stayed off.
It's tough, especially the only eating fruit for lunch & the hard boiled egg & salad. But it is only a week, so you count down the days.
It then kick started me into eating a bit healthier afterwards.

Here's the link if you want to have a looksie:

http://www.jaduncan.com/2006/04/how-i-lost-stone-in-week.html


----------



## Lilirose

Luisa, interesting that the clean out can affect your immunes in a good way.  I actually bought a fertility cleanse when I was in america so I have that and may do it once i've stopped drowning my sorrows.  I really need to lose some weight, I can feel my trousers much tighter on me and I don't like that!

Michi a stone in a week?!!!   amazing will check out that link


----------



## rory2011

Hey michi how is to going? 
Lil one did you get your surge?

Will look into those diets especially the one to do with  immunes. Have tried to cut down on amount I'm eating this week and have had lots of salads. 

Best get back to work...


----------



## Michimoo

Well I've updated my signature, based on today's outcome. 
Please ladies do some dances for me to keep my embies dividing as we all know what usually happens with my embies after day 2  
Techno dance, Latino dances, shaky bum dances - doesn't bother me!


----------



## Mogster

Michimoo just for you
              

              

              

              

              

Hope it helps x

How is everyone else? 
I am now injecting twice a day as its time to start producing those eggs. I'm still feeling positive x


----------



## Michimoo

Thanks Mogster - where'd you get the monkey from?   love it!

So we need to egg chant for you now then? Come on those follies!


----------



## Mogster

Thanks  
Monkey is with the rest. Just clicked on more and it came up with the others.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Michimoo,      go embies!!!
Mogster, glad you're still feeling positive, and hope those follies ripen beautifully with lots of eggs
Rory, nice to see you back. Read a snippet in the Boots magazine while waiting at hospital today, which said eating at least one full-fat dairy portion per day increased conception rates by 27% - so after all the rabbit food you need a bowl of Ben&Jerrys   
Lil One & Jess, how are you getting on?      it will work     it must work
Luisa, Lilirose, Squirrel, Beth, LuckyB, HBK


----------



## Jess81

Mich this is for you...                spinspinspinspinspin      

Mogster - go embies              
SL4E i've not started yet... i'm starting monday! i don't know if this is right or not but i'm just going with it... i'm even not giving up the drink (not that i drink a lot!!) but i figured when u give up everything it can't be brilliant so this one i'm going to be super dooper relaxed!! 
how is everyone else? 
Jess xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Just wanted to send you all lots of love and best wishes for wherever you are at! 
 and      for all xxx


----------



## Lilirose

Michimoo, wow what a result!!  As I'm Irish I guess I'll have to do a bit of Riverdance for you.  Now there are no Riverdance little icons, but believe that I am doing a Riverdance here for your embies in my living room  

Lx


----------



## Chandlerino

Bit of a lurker on this thread....... But wanted to say blemmin heck Michimoo fab number of embryos and fingers crossed Peny works her magic for you.

I've had a telephone consult with Peny last week and hoping to she can work her magic for me later in the year when I've somehow got the finances to cycle at serum. Think she's finally found the answer for me!

Chand xxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Wow this thread has got very active, it's a bit early in the morning for me so I'll just do a little bum shuffle     
Hi chand I've been a bit of a lurker too, I'm kind of interested in yr immunes diet Luisa (how r u hon, guess what trying to book a hol to lanzarote at the moment, if me and DH can stop arguing for long enough to get the credit card out ... Not good .... Hope u ok  ) and also very tempted by the lose a stone in a week. However, I am also loving the I' m not cycling so I can eat/ drink what I want feeling .... And sometimes I worry about doing a drastic diet when I'll be cycling in sept ...... Just wondering whether I should be normal for a while. That said been very normal for a few days now and have had splitting headache since 9 PM last night so my body obviously more used to be abused by loads of ivf drugs  
Hope everyone doing ok can't do personals right now as missed too much but will try get with the programme.
Love ange x


----------



## Michimoo

Thanks for the dances & jigs ladies. Looks like you're going to have to keep it up until Tuesday as we are going for our first ever day 5 transfer!!    
They are shut tomorrow which would be day 3 & this is the day my embies normally arrest so I won't find out until Monday when they reopen. Tbh I am pooping it & I reckon all my nails would've been chewed off by Monday!
I've just had an in uterine wash at Serum which is where they fill your uterus with water to give it a bit of a flush out. Not the most pleasant experience but DH & I decided to walk back to our hotel, about a 15 min walk (without thinking about it) & yes you've guessed it what goes in must come out!........the walk got slower & slower. Thank God I used to be in the girl guides and the motto "be prepared" came in handy as I had tissues in my small bag!  
Only me eh?

Chand - I know blumming eck eh? I'm just taking each day as it comes though.
Lil rose - I love a bit of river dance. Fantastic 
Ange - if you do the 1 week diet, it's actually quite healthy. Lots of fruit & salads. Remember to drink loads of water to flush away the headaches.
Jess - good for you about relaxing. Tbh I stopped analysing everything I ate & drank for the last 2 attempts & those have been my best eggs quantity so far. When I was paranoid about food etc I got really low egg numbers. 
Sl4e- based on your magazine article I have just had the BIGGEST ice cream! 
Mogster - when's your first follie scan?
Rory - just replacing carbs with salads 3-4x per week works. Do you have an iPhone? My fitness pal is a free app to download.
Lil one - is bam bam back snuggled in yet?
Luisa - do you have a link to the aloe cleanse?
Squirrel - thanks for the baby dust I'm trying to catch the sprinkles. 
Rach - looking forward to coffee  
Lucky B , Beth , hbk & anyone else I've missed. Hope you ladies are ok? 
M
Xx


----------



## Lilirose

LOL Michimoo yeah I had an intrauterine wash as well, found it fine and thank God not much leakage afterwards    5 day transfer is fab!!  I think it's better that you're not updated so much, I was fine with not hearing about my embryos as I just knew they would be fine in the lab in Serum.  I hope you can take it easy a bit when at least you know that you wont' be getting a call or able to contact them.  

Ange I had a headache for about 4 days and I don't think it's from whatever meds may be left over in my system, I'm putting it down to the weather.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Just a quick note to tell u that i'm rooting for all of you ladies! 
Michi ! Lol  glad u were prepared! Roll on tuesday!!! 
Xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Michimoo,( & Jess when the time comes), Lucky B and I had a glass of wine the night before ET.....it may be of great importance so don't forget!
This last time I had fairly unusual day 4 transfer, cos the embies were doing so well on day 3 and I was due to fly home day 5, so have faith xx


----------



## rory2011

michi great news...

have downloaded the fitness app. i think i am going to get obsessed by it...
sl4e...like the ice cream diet...now must buy some more ben and jerry's!

Rach, think you're out in athens, hope all is well xx
happy sunday to everyone xx


----------



## Luisa8

Hi everyone!

Hope you are all well ...thinking of those in Athens at the moment..  

For those asking about the Aloe Cleanse (sorry can't remember who said they were interested) I've copied some info below. More than a diet (although you do loose weight) it's a detox. Which I think for us ttc has got to be more helpful. I'm rubbish with diets and don't have great willpower but because I'd paid for the kit I was committed so there was no way I was breaking it.
PM if you want more info on it....don't want to bore everyone on here. 

*Aloe Vera Juice - The Natural Remedy*
The aloe vera plant still continues to offer some of the most amazing benefits in terms of keeping us healthy by helping to prevent many of the dangerous diseases and conditions that we face every day of our lives. Not only is aloe vera used in creams and lotions in order to help us heal our wounds, or to simply have healthier skin, but it is also now used as a drink. An aloe vera drink can do wonders for the internal parts of your body, and there is good reason for this. With its long list of vitamins and minerals an aloe vera drink will ensure that you get all the right nutrients that your body needs in order to fight off all those bad bacteria, as well as to have a strong immune system for the long run
An aloe vera drink is made from the gel of the aloe vera plant. Once ingested, this gel is able to help keep your colon clean, act as a detoxifying agent, helps to keep your blood purified, as well as ensures that you get enough antioxidants to fight against those free radicals. In order to get the best possible effects from an aloe vera drink, many experts suggest that you drink it at least on a daily basis. Generally, around 2 to 4 ounces of an aloe vera drink taken twice per day will help to boost your immune system, as well as keep you toxin free.
If you take a look at the medicinal properties of an aloe drink, you will find that it is able to act as antifungal, antibacterial, antiviral, and anti-inflammatory agents. Because of this, you will find that it is able to act as a remedy for nearly all of the diseases and conditions that we suffer from throughout our lives.
In terms of acting as a detoxifying agent, an aloe vera drink is able to do this by fighting against the harmful toxins, which can also be produced by bacteria. Once ingested, it helps to loosen all those bad materials that clog the intestinal lining. In addition, it also helps your body to absorb more of the nutrients that are digested from the food once it enters your body. Another way in which it acts as a cleansing mechanism is by loosening most of the waste material, which usually comes from undigested food residues that stick to the intestinal walls. An aloe vera drink can also be very beneficial in acting as a powerful remedy against gastrointestinal problems. This includes the ability to heal ulcers, fight against irregular bowel clearance, and is also very effective against irritable bowel syndrome.

Ange! Have you booked I'll pm you. Hope you're doing ok...September will be here in no time...

Michimoo....everything crossing for lots of blasts tomorrow, or was it Tuesday....lot's of luck    

I have really bad headaches after stopping meds but it's due the stopping the steroids. I happens every time. Not nice though.

Lots and lots of   to those cycling at the moment.... 
Wish I was ... 

XXXXXXXXx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi lovely ladies
Happy Sunday  . Wishing everyone hugs and support, whther you are cycling, taking time out or looking forward in any way possible...thinking of you all, sorry no personals in this post but thinking of each and every one of you at all your different stages xxx


----------



## Sidd

That was a really lovely message squirrel  nice to hear from ppl who are giving out positive thoughts..cheered me up x


----------



## Jess81

Well that's me... No on the road to the BFP (tryin out my new PMA!!) just ha my first DR injection and boy did it bleed... Never had a bleeder like that before!! Whoops!! 

How is everyone? Xx


----------



## Michimoo

Yey, well done Jess. We all need a bleeder once in a while. 
Keeping everything crossed honey. 

I'm going   - had no sleep, just called the clinic for an update & they said "we don't check embryos today, see you tomorrow!" - end of conversation 
Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh


----------



## Jess81

Thanks Mich! 
No way... I'd be going mental too!!! In fact I would probably demand they check lol! Keep urself busy by the pool today and try not to think about it too much. Easier said then done I know! Xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Aaaarrrggghhh Mich nightmare!!!! Although I asked too the day before EC and they said we don't know we don't like to disturb the embies too much which kind of helped me ..... 

Thanks for the PM Luisa I will message u later, yes DH has booked (I organise ivf he organises holidays ..... As u can see we're not singing off the same song sheet most of the time) I will find out the details and let u know where we are ..... The aloe detox sounds amazing anti bacterial anti viral etc where do I get it?  Went out sat and drank W...A....Y..... too  much wine so be needing it soon. 

Hi to everyone, thanks for the good wishes squirrel  

Ange xx


----------



## Mogster

Oh no Mich! Been thinking about you all day. Got home and logged on with my fingers crossed to see your update and no news! Well I will be thinking of your tomoro. I reckon Angie has it right. Just think that they are leaving them undisturbed so they can do their thing x

AFM I had a blood test today and my levels were so high they wanted to decreased my meds dramatically. Now I wasn't happy with this and told the nurse so. Within 20 mins the top doc called and agreed with me! He said I do need to lower the dose but not as much as the nurse said. Apparently she hadn't been able to contact him before calling me so discussed with someone else. I now have another blood test and scan in couple of days so will see how that goes. I have been drinking lots of water so spend so much time on the loo it's annoying!!!

Hi to everyone else and big hugs to you all   x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Mich and Rach, sending lots of   to Athens, and   for good news.
Mogster, thank goodness you managed to get correct info, FX still for you.
Jess, back on the rollercoaster, hold on tight hun!
Squirrel, well said, I think of all my buddies on here often too.
I may not be able to check up on here til weds, after work 2moro I'm off to MIL's for the night - complained about a grotty meal at a Toby Carvery, and we've been sent a £30 voucher for another viisit, so going tomorrow night, with my beloved godchildren too.
  everyone  xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

OMG Mogster I can't believe the nurse did that, that is SO bad. Thank god you checked. You really have to be one step ahead in this game .... I reckon just check on here I have learned so much since I've been in FF  

Ange xx


----------



## Michimoo

Hi ladies,

Well as you can imagine - no sleep & what little sleep I got I dreamt turning up & no embies, turning up & green embies, turning up & embies to put back but they won't get you pg! Any combination i have dreamt it.
Omg I'm shattered.  

I guess today is D-day.

On a positive note I had a great dinner with Rach last night & we were talking about our little family on here & how this thread is so lovely & how we all deserve to become Mummies.

Mogster - the thing is, unfortunately it's only because we have been through this a few times that we can question some of the decisions that are made in our protocols now. If it was the first attempt you probably would've just dropped your meds.

Sl4e - enjoy your meal out, remember lots of ice cream  

Jess - DH decided to walk the   off me yesterday around Athens to take my mind off things. So no laying by the Pool for me.  although tbh it did distract me as I moaned most of the time.  

Right better get outta bed & walk to the clinic. Fingers crossed ladies xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Good luck michimoo fx  
Ange x


----------



## Mogster

Fingers well and truly crossed for good news today for Michimoo xxx

You are right as usual ladies. I'm glad I was confident enough to challenge the nurse but it is just bad luck that I know to challenge as this is not the first time I've put myself through this. Let's hope it's the last. Unless I am going for another   Seehow positive I am being!!!

Lovely to hear about your dinner with Rach Michimoo. hope you both spent some time putting the world to rights and maybe had a sneaky glass or 2  

Jess how is it going? Any more blood? Are you using different syringes to before? I am and I must say I have a ridiculous about of bruises this time compared to my other cycles. 

Love to all and try and stay positive and don't go   x


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Mich good luck fx for really really goo news today... Glad DH managed to keep ur mind off things yesterday even if it was whinging walking round athens instead of lazing around the pool lol! 

SL4e thanks hun, I'm actually feeling quite positive about this one!! 

Mogster no blood this morning, so that's a bonus! Don't think I've any bruises yet but I'm sure I will soon and def will once I've started clexane and gestone lol! 

Hi to everyone else! 

Afm - well the clinic have well and truly P155ed me off!! They called yesterday because they applied for some special funding for CGH array screening mid march... It was when the PCT's changed over so the paperwork got lost... Anyway they did it again and yesterday called to say they needed my bmi and smoking status so I told them and they said oh no u need to come in, ummm no I don't! I've already started and by the time et comes round we won't have heard anyway!! The nurse said oh why are we applying for it if u have already started? Omg I went mental... Umm because this was applied for since mid march and I've been chasing it since fortnightly since April, I've even had a letter from the consultant apologising for the length of time we have been waiting!! 
The more I think about it the more I think we need to change clinics... I think when ur new it's exciting for them but when u have been there for so long they get a bit bored of us. I know it's probably not true but that's how they are making me feel  
So I've already contacted a couple of clinics about their open evenings/days... Just in case lol xxxx


----------



## rory2011

Good luck Michi..thinking of you today!!

Jess..can't believe what your clinic has been like...well i can sadly. Hope it gets sorted and you get CGH in time.
Mogster, hope your blood test goes well.

Hey to everyone else, thinking of you all!


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. Hoping all is well.

How you ding Rory? Started your healthy eating plan yet? 

Good luck for today michimoo. It was lovely meting up with you last night. U and DH are lovely. Really hope your dreams comes true this time. 

Jess- what a nightmare! Really hope you can get it all sorted. I would be going nuts! It's all you need. 

Hi sl4e- hope you are ok and thanks for the best wishes. 

Squirrel- how are you doing? Hope you are ok.

Lil'one- have you had ur LH surge yet? U PUPO now? Sorry got a little list with all the activity on here. 

Well I had transfer on Monday so am just chilling out in Athens for an extra day before flying home tomorrow. Please, please, please, please let it be 13th time lucky!!! 

A big hi to anyone. Have missed. 

Rach x x


----------



## Jess81

Thanks Rory and rach,
I told them to scrap the application because it wouldn't be ready in time... Hohum! 
Rach glad ur chilling, fx that 13 is lucky for u! Xx


----------



## Mogster

Fingers crossed for you Rach x


----------



## Rach76

Thank you mogster. Hope you are doing ok? 

R x


----------



## Michimoo

ladies
Well we got to blasts! Wooohooooo & have 2 snuggled on board.
Best cycle yet so am pleased with the choice we made of clinics.
And the most relaxed cycle ever!!

Jess - how annoying about the application. I hope you gave them what for!  

Rach - we are just changing our flights to come home for tomorrow now, seen as I can't sunbathe or swim. So maybe see you at the airport.  
Will be glad to sleep in my own bed & catch up on trash tv.

Mogster - no wine unfortunately & kindda regretting that now. Could really do with a nice glass of red.

Ange-Rory squirrel - sl4e - Lille - Louisa - lil rose - hb2k - Beth - lucky b & everyone else.


----------



## Mogster

Go Michimoo!!!!!

So happy for you x


----------



## rory2011

Great news michi and Rach... hope the 2ww goes quickly and ends with fabulous news!


AFM healthy eating going ok..... Last week I was ok eating salads etc  (that was before I had decided to lose a few pounds) but this week i just want to munch the whole time.  Trying to be good. Off to gym in a bit. Felt guilty that didn't go last night..hey ho.


----------



## Luisa8

Hi everyone!!

A massive well done to our PUPO ladies Rach & Michi.....great news!! All that follie dancing paid off in the end   I love the first week being PUPO. Is that me being strange or is that normal? Relax and enjoy it.......the 2nd week does send me a bit loopy though haha... very loopy actually  

Jess - what clinic are you at? Not what u need hey.... Clinics can be so annoying sometimes. Some of them are definitly in the wrong job  

Can someone help. I thought I was quite good at the old IF abbreviation lingo but what is FX......it's really bugging me   

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## waikiki

Luisa - FX= fingers crossed.

Michi and Rach mine are firmly crossed for you both!!


----------



## Chandlerino

Michi I am so pleased for you - showed DH your post as he is coming round to the idea of going to serum!


----------



## Luisa8

Thank you Waikiki!! I'd never have got that   


Are you called Waikiki after a popular, well known bar in Fuerteventura by any chance? 


FX for Michi & Rach


----------



## waikiki

Ooooooh no, never been to Fuerteventura but the bar sounds fun!    Waikiki is the name of a famous beach in Hawaii and DH and I had a lovely holiday there a few years back.


----------



## Luisa8

Thinking about it....the bar is probably named after the beach in Hawaii  . Shows what I know!! 
It's a good bar though.... but bet Hawaii is a zillion times better


----------



## Mogster

Morning,

How are you all this morning?

I'm off for a scan later today so let's hope I have some follies developing nicely. 

Waikiki the though of Hawaii is making me want to jump on a plane and get out of here  

Jess you must be annoyed with clinic. One thing I hate is incompetence. I also don't understand how so often things go missing I mean really? Hope you are managing to stay calm  

Right I must get up, inject, shower and get ready for the day.

Have a good one everyone x


----------



## Rach76

Thanks for all the well wishes guys.  X x


----------



## Michimoo

Keeping everything crossed for your scan today Mogster. I've just had a wiggle whilst packing for your follies.
   
Very quick update - just popped in the clinic to say goodbye & we have one on ice too! That was a shocker!


----------



## seemedlike4eva

woohoo! 2 Pupo princesses, hope both of you have arrived home safely, and    for the 2WW.
Mogster    for your scan.
  for the admin dept at your clinic, Jess.
Lil One, hoping you're PUPO too
Hiya Waikiki   
Sending lots of love to the rest of this wonderful family, I had a huge icecream last night on behalf of the team, oh for some more good news soon, we deserve it xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello ☀☀🌻🌻🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🌸🌸🌸🌸 i have found some new emoticons to shower on you lovely girls, so four leaved clovers, sunflowers etc for you all!!

SL4e - nom nom nom ice cream...mmmmm, hugs xx
Michimoo - whoop whoop whoop!! Hoping this is the one!! Or two?! Hugs xx
Rach - whoop whoop whoop!! Ditto for you plus am v jealous of you girls meeting up! Sounds fab! Hugs xx
Mogster - heres hoping for fab follies for you! Hugs xx
Luisa and Waikiki - hi! You have made me think about lovely beaches and bars! Mmmm! Hugs too xx
Hi Rory! Well done on your health kick! Hugs xx
Chandlerino - hope dh is coming round to your ideas! Hugs xx
Lil One - where are you hon? Hope all ok and pupo? Hugs xx
Jess - cant believe your clinic, you poor thing. Keep fighting and take care, hugs xx
Beth - hope ds recovered, hugs xx
Lilirose - hey bud hope you are ok, hugs xx
Hi cranky angie - hope you are ok too, hugs xx
Anyone I have missed - forgive me, hugs too! Xx

Well, that is me all hugged out!! Keep strong ladies, it is the strongest trees which weather the harshest storms. I know we will all make fab mums one way or the other, one day. Pray it is sooner rather than later! Squirrel xxxx


----------



## waikiki

So I know I only popped back onto this thread yesterday, but I have been reading for a while since I used to post on here regularly.  Some of the old timers on here will remember me, especially SL4E who said that she hoped for some more good news on here soon...

So I thought it might be time to 'fess up and let you all know that I'm 8 weeks pg with twins following my 10th IVF cycle (I'm still scared to say that out loud).  DH and I had decided that this cycle would be our last, so to finally get a BFP was quite a shock!  It's still early days and I'm taking nothing for granted, but thought that some of the ladies who knew me from before might like to hear from me.

Keeping my fingers crossed for all of you veteran barbies - hopefully there'll be more good news to come very soon.

 waikiki


----------



## Michimoo

Oh Waikiki that's absolutely amazing news. I'm so so happy for you.
Where did you cycle?
Congratulations 
 

Squirrel - where did you find those new emoticons? I love them.

Jess - any more bleeders? Have you slapped clinic yet?

Mogster - how'd the scan go yesterday?

Luisa - mmmmm fuertuerventura thinking about the sandy beaches now! Yes please. 

Rach - hope your DH is spoiling you now you're home?

Rory - don't worry about wanting to munch - good for you got going to the gym. More motivated than me.

Hi to all the other ladies


----------



## Mogster

Congrats Waikiki that's great news  

My scan went well thanks   About 10 follies in each side that were of decent size with some smaller ones. They are concerned so have decreased my dose. I'm happy about this now if actually had a scan. Another scan Friday and fx EC next week.

Starting to get a little nervous now but I'm hoping my positivity will come back real soon.

SL4E I am off to buy some ice cream later to go with my strawberries, raspberries and blueberries.

Squirrel I loved all your hugs  

Take care ladies and enjoy all this hot weather   x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Waikiki   amazing news!  I am so happy for you, you truly deserve this happiness, I   for a healthy pregnancy for you.

Michi - great result,   those embies will be snuggling in right now.

Mogster.- good news re the scan  

Rach - 13 has always been my lucky number  , I hope this is yours now too  

Hi to all of you other lovely ladies.

Afm et tomorrow, we will see........ 

Lil' one


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. 

Sl4e- hoping you are well and enjoying your pregnancy. Thank you so much for the support you always give me. X x x

Lil'one- yay for ET tomorrow. How are you doing? Praying this is the one fore you. 

Mogster-excellent follicle numbers. You go girl!

Michimoo- how are you holding up? Hope you are ok and chilling out lots. 

Waikiki - congratulations!!!!!! So pleased for you. X x x x

Squirrel- how are you doing? 

Well I am home now after my time in Athens and its a really nice day here today so that has cheered me up abit. It is nice seeing DP and the mogs and having all the home comforts. Am trying to stay positive but am also making plans as well as that's the only way I survive. Have a holiday arranged with my sisters in a couple of weeks times so am looking forwards to that if this all goes wrong. Am getting pains already just like normal which I normally put down to the meds but then realised I am not on any (apart from all the immune meds) as this is a natural cycle so that's concerning me a bit. So no oestrogen or progrestrogen support!!! Very scary.  But hey ho on wards and upwards. If af arrives then I'm not pg and if she doesn't then maybe I am. Still praying this is gonna be 13th time lucky. 


Rach x


----------



## Michimoo

Flipping eck Mogster that's an amazing crop you've got going on in there!

Lil one - will be thinking of you tomorrow getting bam bam on board. 

Rach - are you going as   as I am?
I've not got any twinges or anything so I'm already worried mine hasn't worked!
Yes I'm paranoid!  
This will be the one Rach.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Waikiki, that's wonderful! Aquacise tutor was talking about waikiki beach this morning, to imagine ourselves exercising there!
Lil One,    for tomorrow.
Mogster, so glad your ovaries are doing their bit for you   
Squirrel, thanks for the hugs 
Rach, 13 has been lucky for us, 2013 and married 13 years...
Mich, I had no symptoms whatsoever this time round in week 1, week 2 I got backache just like AF was on her way. Never noticed sore (.) (.) until the cat jumped on thee bed & landed there, and I nearly hit the ceiling with the pain.....
Jess   
Ange, Luisa, Lilirose, Rory, Chandlerino, LuckyB, Beth and everyone   
I'm doing well thanks, apart from anaemia, may need Iron infusion, the magic 24 weeks on Sunday


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies,
Waikiki this is amazing news, congrats!!! 
Beth no more bleeders but I'm having the most horrendous symptoms!! I've got nausea and its so bad I keep retching and thinking I'm going to be sick  I have indigestion and headaches! I've never had nausea before on these meds so I called the clinic and they said its quite unusual... Great trust me!! They told me to keep an eye on it and if it gets worse to call them back! 
Xx


----------



## Michimoo

On Jess you poor thing. Have some hot water with sugar to relive the indigestion natrually.see if that helps at all?


----------



## Jess81

Thanks mich, I'll give it a go. How u doing hun? Xx


----------



## waikiki

Thanks for all the good wishes ladies, they mean a lot coming from you.

Michi - I cycled at CRM in London. Don't worry about no symptoms, I had none. I have had several txs where I had lots of symptoms and was convinced I was pg when I wasn't. This time the nurse had to tell me three times that I was pg as I thought I must have heard her wrong!


----------



## bethholm

Waikiki- thrilled for you!!!!

Just popping in ladies as I've just been discharged from hospital after collapsing on our local beach and being taken by ambulance to hospital.I was discharged late last night and then re admitted at 2.30am again!They have found gall stones and despite having a massively large pain threshold, this was agony.I believe that it can be a result of multiple pregnancies (tick) and being over 40 (tick) and a woman (tick). The joys of years of infertility and MCs strikes again.

Will catch up with all the news later.

B xxx


----------



## Michimoo

OMG Beth you poor thing! Hope you are ok?


----------



## Jess81

oh no Beth hope you feel better soon xx


----------



## bethholm

The past few months have been have been uber stressful what with LO's hernia, BEH and subsequent MRI scan as well as going back to work to an utter mess and having to be acting head.Also DH and I are rowing as we are so tired and he is being a pain to some extent with housework and money, his kids etc (long story!).No surprise really that I collapsed as it was on the cards. Been told that I may have to follow a low fat diet which has annoyed me as although we do eat healthily,I've spent the past 4 years of IF on blimming diets of one sort or another!

B xxx


----------



## Luisa8

Oh Wow Waikiki that's fantastic news. I have to say...for us multi multi cyclers to hear of someone finally getting there...after so many cycles..well it just gives me so much hope.


Did anyone else read the post on the DD board about sucess after multi cycles (or something like that)..It is a wonderful post and had me in   ....


Beth, oh noo so sorry to hear that. You sound like you've really had a tough time of things lately. Look after yourself. How do you get rid of the gall stones? 


Rach, it must feel strange doing a natural cycle..I cant imagine not having to pop all those pills and stick needles in myself every so many hours. It must be a lot less stressfull...


Good luck tomorrow Lil one    


Mich- No symptoms are good! I'm convinced   


 Hi to everyone else...... XXXXXXXXXXX


----------



## rory2011

Waikiki congratulations, so pleased to hear your great news xx
Beth, hope you get your gallstones sorted too. My work colleague was given here's after her op! 
I'll one, hope its all going well.
Michi and RAch thinking of you and hope your're not going too  

Jess hop you are feeling better.

Luisa, mobster, squirrel and sl4e


----------



## Mogster

You poor thing Beth. You are really having a time of it. Hope things settle soon and you get a break. I hope the summer holidays are slow for you (and me as I'm a teacher). Take care of yourself and your little family x

Hi Luisa, Rory, Jess, Wiki, Michi,sl4e, Rach and squirrel. Hope I haven't forgotten anyone      

AFM Just had my scan and waiting for a call to find out if I'm having EC on Monday or later in wk. follies still looking good and growing. Most impressive was my womb lining. It was much better than I can remember in the past. Off to check it out and check previous notes as I'm may just have been me wanting to hear things!

Hate waiting for phone to ring as it sends me  

Have a great day ladies


----------



## pinkpixie

Waikiki fab news huge huge congratulations xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Mogster - sounds like everything is going really well. 

Lil one - hope today went ok & bam bam is snuggling on board.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies,

Beth - you poor thing, I really hope things get better for you.....you never really escape from if, even after you,ve move to a happier place  

Monster .- great news re the lining, i'm eating brazils this time which are meant to help  

Jess - i hope you are feeling better.  Don't forget to drink heaps, you always need more than you think, and it's been super hot    .  It really makes a difference to lots of tummy issues

Rach - how are you going, much better be be home I bet  

Afm et was today,  bam bam thawed 'spot on said the embryologist.  So otd is mon 12 aug, a little later han i'd calculated, but not too long.

Hi to everyone else,

Lil' one


----------



## Mogster

Great news Lil' one I have my fingers crossed for you and I'm   your 2ww passes quickly and smoothly. I'm not a great nut lover unfortunately but I have been eating more fruit and veg this cycle which is killing me along with all the water!   Bam Bam is all sticky   x

Michimoo I'm shocked how smoothly this is all going! Very little stress so far. How are you doing? 

How's things with you Pixie?

Jess how are you going with your symptoms? 

Well I had my call and EC is Sunday! Was shocked when she said Sunday as I'd convinced myself she would say scan again on Monday. Apparently my levels are high so it's time to get some eggs.

Have a lovely weekend people and keep those positive thoughts going x


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone

Beth- really hope you get better soon. You poor thing. Wishing you and sending you lots of get well vibes. 

Lil'one- congrats on being PUPO, hoping bam bam is snuggling in well. Now chill and relax x x x x 

Mogster- so pleased everything is going well for you. That's half the battle I find getting throu one stage at a time. 

Michimoo- how are you doing?  Are you enjoying being back home? 

A big hi to sl4e , Rory and squirrel.

Afm- I just can't stop eating !!!! These steroids are driving me nuts! And I am getting fatter and fatter. But apart form that I am ok. Planning my next move if this one goes wrong as well as a holiday with my little sis in a couple of weeks time. 

Rach x


----------



## Michimoo

OMG Rach I'm with you. It's like I've got worms!   I'm constantly hungry! Already put on 1/2 stone in Greece & I'm well on the way to putting on another half by Sunday! 
At least in Greece we had to go out & buy the food, so if it wasn't in the hotel room i couldn't eat it, at home I just walk to the cupboard. 

I'm still going


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One, another PUPO Princess!    
Mogster, hope tomorrow's harvest is a bumper crop of top quality eggs that will all fertilise beautifully   
Beth, OUCH! I've had cholecystitis - inflammation of the gall bladder but no stones - and it was hellish. I do hope you make a swift recovery, and something definitive is done soon so that you don't have another attack   
lots of love everyone


----------



## Michimoo

Quickly popping on to wish Mogster good luck for Ec tomorrow. Will be thinking of you.


----------



## Michimoo

Hey ladies just popping on for a "me" post sorry!

I'm feeling really down today & feel like I could burst into   any moment.
I know I should be PMA but I'm losing all hope already. 
Been like this since yesterday.

DH is out all morning playing Golf my sore (.)(.) have disappeared, I'm having hot flushes & am sneezing all the time. I just think its an immune response killing off any chance I have of implantation. DH keeps telling me to be positive as he gayly trots around the house without being paranoid every time he goes to the loo. So I'm just keeping my mouth shut now.

I'm getting quite angry with him quietly & feel like I want to scream at him ( but I don't do that) & tbh I wouldn't know what I want to scream at him about. He's just annoying me!   I asked him if we can go out yesterday as I wanted to take my mind off things & he said "oh you want to spend more money do you? We've just come back from Greece!" Wtf?   so hasten to add we didn't & he's off on a jolly on the golf course whilst I sit at home with Dr Google & my own thoughts.

Sorry ladies I know I'm normally upbeat, but I just can't shift these blues. FX it's hormones eh?


----------



## Sidd

Sending u warm hugs and positive thoughts Michimoo x


----------



## Cranky Angie

Michimoo
I'm so sorry, I have come to the conclusion that men in general are very selfish (apart from the lucky few - I'm not one of those) and I can totally relate to where you are coming from.  I think men are just not very good at dealing with all this IF stuff, but that is not really an excuse to be mean to you, especially right now.  I think they just get stressed too and it comes out all wrong.  I stopped taking DH on my transfers two cycles again because we would just row and that would stress me out.  I would never take him again either.  
Just have some time out from him and maybe involve him less in the whole process if he can't be supportive.  We are all here to give you support and you just need to look out for yourself right now and have some me time. 
PM me any time you want to offload.
Hugs   
ange xx

PS for what its worth, my DH left me to walk DS home last night alone in the pitch black (we had a big event here, DS is 7) whilst he went partying until 7am this morning with his teenage children.  See what I mean??


----------



## lil&#039; one

Oh michi  
I can relate to yor feelings, too  
Yesterday I had a melt down at dh because of traffic on the m25, he doesn't know what to do or say either.
He said - you need to remind me, so I lost it - I would love not to walk around all day everyday with it hanging over me like that peanuts character, for some one to remind me....oh yeh, we're if  
We're here for you, don't symptom spot, we know it doesn't work
Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Michimoo  . Dr Google is banned from now on  . My DH has done similar things, I know how alone this makes you feel.
Lil One & Rach, I hope you're both miles away from Dr Google too.
Mogster, hope all went well.
Ange, my last 3 cycles were minus DH, he refused to come, said he'd get bored but think with him it was more of a male pride thing cos of using donor sperm. MIL came along instead.
Hope everyone else is OK xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello sweeties,

Waikiki - super dooper news xx
Beth - eek, get well soon you poor chicken xx
Mogster - cluck cluck cluck hope lots of eggies for you xx
Sl4e, lucky B, luisa, lilirose, rory, pinkpixie, ange - hello   and hope you are all ok xx

Two week wait ladies -      xx

Michimoo - tww blues catch you and bite you on the backside when you least expect it. I can literally go from sure it has worked, to convinced i am the biggest failure in the world, within minutes. It always plays with your head, let alone the hormones creating ridiculous so called symptoms which freak the most pragmatic person out. Really feeling for you, and all the other girls on the tww. Day at a time, hour at a time and always always remember that symptoms are useless. I know countless numbers of women who have had no symptoms and been pg. We just cannot second guess, as much as we want to, and I wish I could take my own blinking advice!! The other thing i really feel is that we should allow ourselves to go a wee bit nuts during the tww because lets face it, who wouldnt?! It is surely normal?!
Have a good rant about dh, keep posting and keep the faith. Everyone on the tww right now has a chance. An actual chance. That is wonderful in itself. Xx

Keep strong ladies. No other option but to plod on. And plod on we must...aaaaaaah!! If only it were that easy eh?! Mahoooosive huugs to one and all, hoping they boomerang back to me as i could do with a few myself! Xxxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Seemslike4eva .... Impressed that you got MIL to come along, especially when using donor sperm.   you must have a good relationship! 
Ange x


----------



## squirrel2010

Girls, this is an SOS  
I confess to also being on a tww and I am in bits. Some spotting and cramps and heading towards my next bfn. I just cant cope anymore. I just dont know what to do wi myself as am in full melt down    please help. My best friend and cousin also gave birth in the last few days. 
Help
Squirrel xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

squirrel my love, I had wondered how far along you were with your cycle... oh sweetie. Don't give up hope, spotting and cramps are also perfectly normal
signs of implantation


----------



## Michimoo

Squirrel, My darling big   When's test date.
Remember this is your time, everything has been sorting itself out, your test results were fab. Don't give up hope.
What type of spotting? Spotting is implantation too. But I know completely how you feel.

Is there anyone you can talk to?

Always here for you. 

Sending sticky   vibes 
xxxxxxx


----------



## Mogster

BIG BIG BIG     Squirrel. Isn't this all so bloody unfair   Try and stay positive. Could it be implantation? How long until you test? I really hope you get some good news. My best friend is expecting her 3rd and I'm avoiding her big time. My other friend has recently had her 4th. Makes me so angry and frustrated. Really   you feel more positive soon xxxxx


----------



## Rach76

Sending lots of hugs to squirrel. Really praying its just implantation bleeding Hun. X x x x x. X


----------



## Sidd

Big hugs Squirrel x


----------



## rory2011

squirrel  
I really hope its implantation. i know what you mean..there are 5 women at work who are pregnant...just can't avoid them and a friend has recently announced she is preggers... pleased for them but a tad jealous, which then I hate myself for feeling that way. 

FX it's implantation when's otd??


----------



## lil&#039; one

Squirrel  
Totally understand your feelings, but as the others say......it ain't over yet....
I had a 'normal period with a pregnancy, you just can't tell.
It mat be the hormones making you feel so anxious too.
I too am surrounded by pg girls, they don't know how lucky they are  
Lil' one


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovelies.
Cant thank you enough for your posts and your kind words. Thank you.
Well, yet another bfn. Otd is friday, but just had panic and been to A and E because of horrid abdo pain, and clots. They confirmed negative urine sample and advised another ivf failure. Blood test on friday a formality just to finally stick the nail in the coffin. I dont know what to do anymore. 

Can you help me with some sound advice? Sorry for the me me me post. I need to know if I am deluding myself? Here goes and am so sorry for the me me me me...
Bit of history for you, deep breath, sorry to waffle but just in panic mode...

First cycle - negative, not happy with clinic and very rough embryo transfer. Second cycle with new clinic - chem preg, hcg got to 950 then plummeted. Third cycle - negative but halfway through they were all panicking about me not being able to absorb progesterone properly and hence cycle may have been a dud from the start. Then they found out 70% of dh's sperm will chuck abnormal embryos. So....told that pretty much up til then, likely failures could be to do with abnormal embryos. Hence 4th cycle with PGD to weed out the normal embryos. 2 blasts transferred - negative. Then they did this ERA test which showed the embryos were being put back too early. That fits with the chem preg as one of the embies at that time was a good 24 hours developing slower than it should have been sooooo maybe fit in with my slow endometrium.

This cycle, number five. Miraculously got 4 hatched blasts, genetically normal. Put back at perfect time. Embryo tansfer great. All seems like our first real chance. Not many people get pg first time so as I have proved - likely bfn.

My questions is this really  . I have had 7 embryo transfers now, including fresh and frozen. So a total of 4 fresh transfers including this one. Have we had a fair chance? On paper, it looks awful. 7 failures. But because of all the abnormal tests, plus that one chemical pregnancy - I feel we havent had a fair go yet. I almost want to see this as our first real shot with all the things in place to make it work. Am I deluding myself? I want to give it a good few goes from now, but is that stupid? 

I have had to give up on my ovaries and I cannot face giving up on my womb. I just cant. 

Please dont just be kind and say what i kind of want to hear. If you think I should take a sensible look at this, just tell me to stop deluding myself and trying to make the last three years of hell seem like it can all be explained away with random abnormal test results.

Help ladies! Help! Massive SOS and I am so sorry for such a long post. Squirrel xxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Squirrel 
First of all I'm so so sorry for your news.  

Now I am just giving my own advice on your situation which you can take or leave.

Firstly each BFN hurts & when you get the best results you have ever got & had the blood test back to say you were receptive & ready, you go back to the feelings of your first attempt & think that "maybe this might just be our time".  All the other attempts kind of get wiped out as more of a diagnosis trial.

So I completely understand how you are feeling about wiping the slate clean & starting again. They say it takes 3 attempts to get pg with IVF & this being the first with everything  diagnosed & in place giving the best result would be number 1.

4 hatched blasts is amazing did they put them all back or did you freeze some?

I know I am kind of considering this attempt for me as number 1 ( although I'm not sure DH feels that) due to getting to blasts.

Take time to   now & grieve. Talk to your DH & see what page he is on.

Remember we are here anytime for hugs & support.


Xxxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Squirrel, hun i am so so sorry 

We had sooo many failures ourselves -7 cycles in total before we got our BFP! 
Have you tested your immunes at any point hun? Is it possible that your body is not communicating properly with the embies? 

Lots of hugs hun! Michi is right ... take time to grieve now and regroup ... 

Xxxx


----------



## Luisa8

Hi Squirrel!
So sorry ....  
I had my 6th DE BFN last month ( I don't count my 2 OE cycles anymore   )
It definitly doesn't get any easier and just becomes more and more unfair.
While I was in Athens I met a lovely lady who had had 15 transfers and was on her 16th lucky cycle.....it's worked and she's now preggers.  
I do believe if we keep trying we will eventually get there....unfortunatley it just takes some of us a LOT longer    My big problem is that finantially I just cannot keep on trying and trying....
I would also suggest you looking into immunes if you haven't already....
Where do you cycle? 
I know it's not for everyone but have you thought of trying with double donor? My DH's swimmers are technically absolutley fine but if and when we try again, I am going to go down that route.....Just to try something different and it seems to work for lot's of people when DE doesn't seem to be working....
Massive hugs
Also massive hugs to those on their 2ww   Keep strong and positive!!  


xxxxxxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Oh squirrel  
Firstly, at risk of being inappropriately positive, it's still not otd, is there still a glimmer.  
But if this is a bfn for you, I believe it is just a case of getting it right, to finally get all the stars aligning.
So, I guess I would advise eliminating everything, having said that, stats are still just that.
Where do you cycle? Can you have a really thorough talk through everything from start to finish.
I am so sosorry for your pain, we do know the pain, although today we are just here for you,
Lil' one


----------



## rory2011

squirrel, so sorry to hear your news. 
IVF is so unfair, I agree with the others re looking into immunes. We were unexplained till we went to see Penny and Dr E. Now at least we have a few ideas why our 4 IVF's didn't work. 

It is crap, have a big glass of wine, cry till no more tears will come out....then start planning  when you feel like it.

Thinking of you xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Thank you so much girls. To have all of your support and your posts is incredible and means such a lot

Michimoo - thank you for your honest opinion. Thank you for saying what I deselrately hoped some of you would say!! Had two blasts back and two frozen, so guess next step grieve then plan FET. Hough how frozen can work when fresh wont is beyond me! Xx

Lucky B - am so glad you are doing well, and your story does give me hope. I have had all my immunes done, and the only thing that was elevated was the cytokines. They recommended steroids and aspirin at the time, before they knew the ERA endometrium results. Because the results were receptive without steroids etc, they suggested trying without for this go. I think also, because the endo scratch is meant to cause inflammation to encourage inplantation, they thought anti inflammatories would be counter intuitive. It is something I will be asking, if to try steroids etc this time with our next FET...thank you for posting for me xx

Luisa - thank you for posting hon. Am in Barcelona cycling. The DD thing is an option but dh and I are going to persevere whilst we have pgd normal blasts. Maybe an option for future though, wouldnt rule it out at all. You are right, it gets harder doesnt it. I seem to have a more acute hideous melt down and then start madly planning again. The unfairness of it all does get to me more than anything. Each of us here deserves this and I dont understand a world where something so natural should be denied to people who would make wonderful parents. The finances affect us too, and we are going to have to do some serious thinking about it all. Eek. Thank you for caring. Wow, 16th time lucky for that lady is amazing. There are some wonderful stories out there, of strength and perseverance. Not sure many people could do that many cycles and not break xx

Lil One - thank you for being lovely. I suppose if I didnt have that teeny glimmer, I would be throwing my meds down the toilet, but I genuinely realise this is it. So going to grieve now, as too much to do on friday and satirday to be crying hysterically! You are right, everything needs to align, be in place and maybe that is the random nature of all of this. Sometimes even perfect cycles from the outside wont work, and sometimes they will. I wish we had some sort of magic wand to predict. These tww suck so much. Hope you are ok xx

Rory - thank you for your good advice. Friday night will be a bucket of wine. Def considering the steroids etc, and will be able to take advice on that. How are you doing? When is your next turn? Xx

You know what - I really do believe you girls are my silver lining in all this. Without your responses to my SOS, I would be feeling much worse right now. Thank you so much for letting me take over the chat and whine at you all. I will try to be there for you all too. 

Good luck to all you others on tww. I have nabbed the bfn, so am sure the bfps will arrive for you xx

I was thinking. Stats said for me on this attempt 60% success. So that means out of ten women, four will be unlucky, even with so called genetically normal blasts. I guess i am just fed up of being the unlucky one, much like us all. This ivf lark is exhausting isnt it.

I am going to try to sleep now. Huge hugs to all of you, a very grateful squirrel xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hope you manage to sleep Squirrel   .
I had my scratch done In Coventry at an implantation failure clinic, and they do recommend steroids. I just assumed the steroids would suppress the NK cells and not interfere with the 'sandpapering' effect of the endometrium. Maybe the prednisolone will do the trick next time?
As Lil One said, will    for  a miracle blood test.
If I had a magic wand, trust me I'd be waving it like crazy right now xxxxx


----------



## Mogster

Morning all especially Squirrel,

How are you this Morning squirrel? I hope you managed to get some rest and you are feeling more at peace than yesterday. I can only echo what the others have said and say I don't think it's time for you to give up yet. Maybe you just need a break to really recover and build up your energy to try with your FET. 

With each of your cycles you seem to have changed something or found out more information so at least they weren't all a waste of time and money. Eventually you will get to the point that you have all the boxes ticked and fingers crossed it will be your time.

No one can understand how it feel to go through all of this unless you are going through it or have been through it. This is the place for you to sound off or call out an SOS so keep doing it and we will all be here for you to catch you. The most important thing at the moment is for you to take some time to recover and feel better. Look after yourself and make sure you get lots of real hugs.


----------



## Jess81

Hi Squirel, sorry for the late reply <Hug> i second what SL4E says about the steriods.. i too had a scratch for this cycle and i'm going to be on steriods for elevated NK Cells, I'm also going to be on clexane. FET are now as good as fresh cycles especially as they are blasts. Lots of people i know have got PG with a FET.

I also think you need to grieve for this one as it's hit you really hard and i think this is because everything went so smoothly and perfectly. i understand the wipe the slate clean and if you feel that would help then go for it. have a little break, go on a small holiday if u can and be together for a while... def have a big drink on friday xxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello my saviour girls,

SL4E - thank you for the steroid advice, I feel much better about maybe taking them for the next try. I will definitely speak to my consultants. I wish you had a magic wand too. If you did, I am grateful you would wave it for me. Hope all going well with you xx

Mogster - thank you for the hugs and your belief in me carrying on. Hugely appreciated. Thank you for the understanding and your kindness xx

Jess - thank you for the steroid advice just like SL4E, it really helps. Also for your hope about FET's and success rates. I agree totally about grieving and trying to have a break. Shame no money left for hols! Hope you are doing ok xx

Everyone - thank you all for your responses to my SOS. I jave a massive tendancy to panic and cry and freak out. I write stuff down without thinking, and feel a bit sheepish for the melodrama. I honestly feel that way at the time, but maybe I am calming down. Dh has hideous cold / man flu so I was feeling so alone about it all. Thank you for your support. I feel numb and cant sleep. Clinic upped my progesterone and want to wait til friday but I know it is just a last ditch attempt to make me feel better. Massive hugs. Xx

Good luck ladies on tww, how are you doing? As I say, I have stolen the bfn prize so I am expecting good things from you all xx


----------



## Michimoo

Just popping on to see how everyone is today?
 xxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi michi, how are you surviving? Any news? Xx
Think going down with dh's man flu, just to top off this amazing week. Joy.
Come on girls, any good news out there?
Punished myself a wee bit more today by going to see my best friend and her new born. I need an Oscar. Broke me after, but makes me want it so much more.
 to everyone, good luck for those on tww xxxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi ladies,
Well, blood hcg is 33, with good progesterone. So a tiny bfp, which is likely to turn into a bfn, but another blood test monday. I am not expecting anything but to be honest, my main fear is lack of implantation so this at least shows it can occur! Still bleeding so likely game over but at least something in there is trying!
Anyone got any stories about low hcg and it being ok? Am sure I am clutching at straws.
Head all over the place,
Hugs to all, sorry yet again for the me post
Squirrel xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Squirrel, it could be a slow starter,
I have rread lots about late implanters, 
Keep   and   and keep us posted
Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Squirrel, a glimmer of hope,      I'm not an expert on HCG levels, but lots of stories on here about embies sticking fast through bleeds. Congratulations on visiting your friend, too - done that myself a few times wearing my 'fake face'.
Rach & Michimoo, how are things with you lovely ladies?
Hope it will be a good weekend for everyone, I'm doing my 1 Saturday a month at work tomorrow, coffee rota at church on Sunday and into hospital on Monday as a day-case for an iron infusion. All well, just anaemic and can't tolerate any oral preps.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Squirrel, just looked at a link on HCG levels, and anything over 25 is pregnant! 25 is normal level for 3w5d, so you're a bit higher than that,  it's not impossible that you have a fighter xxx


----------



## squirrel2010

LilOne - thank you for your hope. How are you going? Xx
SL4E - thank you too, and for looking up the link! Hope you are ok on Monday and the iron infusion works well. Hope work easy and coffee morning is fab xx
Michi - you ok hon? Xx

Tww ladies - let me support you too? How you going? Xx

Everyone - hope your weekends are good xx

Thank you so much for looking after me xx


----------



## Mogster

Morning ladies,
Just a quick on from me to say I am officially PUPO!
Can't believe I'm on the 2WW AGAIN! Fingers crossed its 5th time lucky. Won't find out until Monday (unless someone calls over wkend) if we have any frosties. I really hope we do as I felt so much pressure last time knowing it was all or nothing.

So watch out over the next 2 weeks as I will be going    

Sorry it's a me post but I'm quickly doing this before getting dressed and going to breakfast. We stayed in a hotel last night as a little treat   x

Thinking of each and every one of you special ladies xxx


----------



## Firefly369

Hi ladies do you mind if I join you? 

As you will see from my signature I think I probably qualify as a BFN vetran, 3x BFN from IUI, 3x BFN from OEIVF, 1 short lived BFP from DEIVF, 1 ectopic and now yet another BFN from DEIVF.  

Since my last BFN I've trawled through this site and found that actually I'm not the only one to be in this situation which is sad (I wouldn't wish this on anyone) but also reassuring. Some days I feel quite optimistic, I think part of me just cannot accept the idea that this might never work, but other days it's all a bit over-whelming. It's just hard to believe that all this has happened to us. I now have no tubes left so zero chance of a natural conception. My DH and I are both British but we live in Italy so adoption is not really an option (we have no support network in Italy so I think that would count against us and it's a very long drawn out process anyway) and surrogacy is illeagal here so IVF is our only chance.  

I recognise some names on here from the Serum threads, hi to Angie, Lili, Michi, Lucky B. Luisa. 

Michi- keeping everything crossed for you!  

Squirrel- how many days past EC are you? I've seen plenty of ladies with low betas go on to have healthy pregnancies and a lot of ladies bleed with IVF pregnancies so there is still a chance, good luck!  

Congrats on being PUPO Mogster  

Hi to everyone else xxx


----------



## Mogster

Firefly you more than qualify to be here but I'm so sorry that you are. Life can be so hard and cruel to the most fantastic people. 

With adoption would could you not adopt from England? Are you going to have another cycle of IVF? Or is it all too early to decide? I hope you are giving yourself both time to recover and. Jill up some strength.

Anyway, welcome along and I hope we can give you some support and comfort. It's sometime quiet on here but we all join in now and then.


----------



## squirrel2010

Mogster -    huge congrats on being pupo. Will be here for your tww, just as you have looked after me. Go girl! Xx

Firefly -   and welcome. So sorry you are in this position. I know exactly what you mean about hardly believing this is happening. It is so unfair. All the ladies on here are lovely and will be amazing mothers, so I think the world is cruel. When is your next ivf? Anything new to add into the mix this time? Endo scratch? I am DE so timing wise, my test date was ten days post blast transfer. Early days. Xx

 
For everyone, and   xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Firefly, welcome to the nest, so sorry you've had such a tough journey so far   
Mogster, congratulations!       
Squirrel, still    for you.
Michimoo ?
Just got home from work, feet up for a bit, then baking a lemon drizzle cake for tomorrow morning.
Love & a big hug to each and everyone of you wonderful ladies xxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. 

Sl4e- love the sound of lemon drizzle cake. I could so eat a large slice of that! 

Squirrel- hoping you get excellent hog rises in the next few days. X

Mogster congrats on being PUPO. Praying it works for you. 

Fingers crossed for lil'one and michimoo. X

Welcome firefly. Sorry you find yourself here. 

Well bfn again for me. So 13th time was not lucky. I have known since Tuesday but just needed to get my head round things and try and think of a plan which has been hard as i am pretty much at the end of the road. I am really sad and so so so scared that I will never have a family. It hurts so much. And I am fed up of people saying 'take time out' 'grieve'  etc etc etc....... It's not that easy, my Ashermans does not allow for that. And having to have a hysteroscopy every three months costs alot. Why can't people just be supportive rather than trying to inflict their own advice on my IF which They have absolutly no knowledge of. It is bad enough that I am undergoing this cruel journey which never seems to end without having people talking to me as if they are more qualified than doctors or knowledgable than me on my own medical situation. Anyway guys, thanks for letting me rant. Been wanting to get this off my chest for days now. And you know what SL4E you have inspired me- I am going to bake a cake! X 

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Oh Rach,   I'm so sorry. I noticed the other day when I scrolled back that you'd ammended your sig   .
I hope the baking gives you some stress relief - it's always been one of my releases, ever since I discovered breadmaking during my GCSEs.
I felt like I had the opposite problem from Asherman's, that my uterus was teflon-coated so everything slid straight off. Can the special stuff that's used inside the abdomen to stop surgical adhesions be used inside the womb? If only there was something like a gastric balloon for down there, to keep it ship shape   . My heart goes out to you xxxx


----------



## pinkpixie

Rach   it really is so utterly sh#t has penny come up with any ideas?? I so wish we could all make it right


Squirrel


----------



## Mogster

Thanks  x

Rach I am so sorry. I have been thinking about you so much the last week or so and have had my fingers crossed. I had started to wonder when I hadn't seen any posts from you. What can I say apart from I'm sending you big hugs and love to you. Enjoy your cake and I hope you form a plan of action for your next step whatever that may be. 

You know where we all are when you need a rant. You have been such an inspiration for so many.

Take care x


----------



## squirrel2010

Rach - rant away and lean on us anytime you need to. I echo the girls in sending love, hugs and wishes that I could make it better for you. A friend of a friend has Ashermans and I cannot imagine your heartache. You are right, it is cruel, unjust and vicious. I for one do not think that my grieving for everything IF has dished out will ever truly go so you are right - it isnt as simple as some people think. Especially with the extra hysteroscopies and all you have been through. You do realise that you are incredibly strong and brave right? I feel that when our bodies let us down, it is the most frustrating hopeless feeling in the world. That is why I wish I could take it away from us all. We all care about you and are thinking about you xxxx

Pink pixie, mogster, sl4e, michi, and everyone xxxx


----------



## Rach76

Thank you so much ladies for all your lovely replies. They made me cry- DP thinks I'm a loon sat here sobbing! It's just so nice to have people that understand. This journey is so so lonely. Love to you all x x x

P.s. made my cakes- lemon and white chocolate cup cakes but from a packet- I'm not that good a cook. Me and DP just sat here and ate two each. We are both feeling much better now. X 

Rach x


----------



## Firefly369

Thank you so much for welcoming me ladies  

Rach- I'm so sorry to hear of your bfn, it's so unfair that you are having to go through all this. Rant away! I've had similar comments from well meaning friends 'it'll happen when the time is right/when you least expect it' etc etc err I have no tubes so the only way that'll happen is if someone puts me in a coma and does IVF grrr!!! Sorry I'm waffling. Sendig big hugs   I hope that you and your DH can find a way forwards. 

On a lighter note ladies you are making my tummy rumble with all this talk of cake mmmm, I love lemon drizzle cake and have been known to bake a few myself. Lemon and white chocolate sounds yummy too Rach. Trouble is my weight has been creeping up since I started doing DE IVF. Has this happened to anyone else? It's a bit better when I finished my meds but a week after my bfn I looked as though I was 12 weeks pregnant which seems like a kick in the teeth when you have just come on after a bfn ho hum..

Michi- keeping everything crossed for you. 

Squirrel- 10dp5dt is still fairly early so you are def in with a chance. At my clinic they often prescribe hcg booster shots to help when the initial hCG is low, it could be worth asking your clinic about it?  As for me I've now had 3 hystos with implantation cuts and have also neupogen, intralipids, steroids, clexane, baby asprin, progesterone injections the list goes on. My progesterone was really high at transfer this time so that may have shortened my implantation window so we'll tweak that for next cycle. 

Mogster- unfortunately the only way we could adopt through the UK would be to move back there. We could do that but DH would struggle to get a job as his job is very much based in Italy and we'd have to be back in the UK at least 6-12 months before we'd be eligible to even start applying so it's just not an option. Knowing IVF is our only chance does make us very determined though. Hope you are relaxing and enjoying the PUPO state  

Happy Sunday everyone xxx


----------



## Luisa8

Hi everyone!  


Rach I'm so sorry to read about ur BFN.... God this makes me so mad at times...how unfair it all is. I have to admit to being a bit ignorant when it comes to Ashermans. I don't really know what it is. Sending you a massive amout of    and I hope as the days go by you feel stronger and ready to think about what's next...   


Hi Firefly! You are similar to me in that you live abroad. Ilive in Spain. DH is Spanish so slightly different but we tried to do down the adoption route but got turned down for economic reasons. Ironic really because if it wasn't for spending bucket load of cash on IVF we might be a bit better off! Can you not adopt in Italy unless one of you is Italian? I'm tubeless too....I would love to be able to dream about a natural miracle happening....  


Squirrel....I'm scared to say contratulations but I'm praying those levels have shot up and we can give you a a banana dance tomorrow. I think you have every reason to be hopeful for good news


Michimoo- How are u? When is test day?  FX!! (learnt what that meant the other day   )


Big hi to everyone else SL4E, Mogster, Pinkpixie, Lilone, Jess, Rory ...sorry if missed anyone out..


Cranky Ange- See you soon!!   We are having a FF Lanzarote meet up ...Anyone else want to come? Will PM you later


AFM I had a christening to go to yesterday....our favourite thing!   I had a wobble in the church where I had to put my sunglasses on to avoid major embarrassment so I then decided to drink a LOT of alcohol to numb my brain and must have been the only person to have not had a "hold" of the little 5 week old baby.... I dodged the little thing as if it had the plague....I'm sure everyone was thinking no wonder she has no kids....she obviously isn't the motherly type....   I got through the day though...  


XXXXXXXXXXX


----------



## squirrel2010

Rach - i have blubbed after reading FF posts before! To think you have made cakes and had some dh time, with all you are going through. Pat yourself on the back my friend, for not crumbling. It may feel like it inside but you are still pushing on and fighting through what is happening. I think your strength is incredible. How are you today? Stupid question I know. I tend to go through so many emotions, all at once or back to back. My melt downs are legendary in this house. Still sending huge amounts of support, and a virtual glass of wine, some chocolate and   xx

Firefly - thank you for the encouragement. Wow, you must rattle when you walk what with all those pills and potions. I can barely cope with putting cyclogest where nothing should go up! Back door I mean  . When I look at everyones journeys, it makes me angry for what you have had to go through, and the situation that you are in, but also proud for meeting people like you all. Ooh, could you send me some of your lemon drizzle cake, nom nom nom xx

Luisa - definitely no congrats for now, but thank you for your encouragement. I come to Spain for my IVF! You poor thing with the Christening. I was in EXACTLY the same position awhile back. Cried on the church, made a total prat of myself and had to fob it all off at being emotional because I was the godmother. Bah. I swear people have no clue that events like this can tear someone apart. Well done for getting through it! I bet no one was thinking you are not the motherly type. You will make a great mum, just like the rest of the ladies on here xx

Mogster - how is your tww? Xx

Everyone - sending   and thinking about you all. Am a cricket and athletics widow this weekend, though I have to say Mo Farah rocks! Xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Well done Luisa, on getting through the christening - the last but one we were invited to, I deliberately double-booked another engagement so we couldn't go - it was when I was struggling more than usual, as we'd come to the end of the IUI route, and didn't have the money for IVF, and thought stuff the fertile world. 
Squirrel    for a good result tomorrow.
Michimoo, Lil One and Mogster    
Rach, gentle


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Oh, s£#@ Rach, I am so sorry.  You have been through so much, you really deserve a bit of luck.  People are just unhelpful with their comments, to make them feel better.  Do you have a plan for next step?  

Squirrel - I am   that the levels go up tomorrow.

Luisa - christenings are my least favourite day out.  Well done you for making it at all.  I often wonder what people think, will I put the baby under an arm and run,..  

Welcome firefly, I think we may have met on another thread  too

Afm otd tomorrow.  Blood test, absolutely no symptoms, apart from madness.  Keeping busy researching a holiday if it's negative.....just need to keep myself going,

Lil' one


----------



## squirrel2010

Lil One, good luck my lovely xxxx


----------



## Mogster

Just a very quick one to say good luck lil'one x

I'll be back for more soon x


----------



## Luisa8

Good luck from me too Lil'one....Im convinced no symptoms is a good positive thing!  Madness is impossible to avoid  
Will be thinking of you...
Christenings should be banned! Has really spoilt my weekend...Will definitely be doing a double booking for the next one..


----------



## Sidd

Good luck lil' one x


----------



## Jess81

Just a quickie to say good luck to lil one and squirrel today. Hope u both have amazingly good news for us xxx


----------



## Mogster

Good luck squirrel xx


----------



## Rach76

Good luck to lil'one and squirrel today. X x x


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone how are you?

Rach how are you feeling? Hope you are enjoying the cakes   Makes me want to pop out and get some ingredients to make some. I have some rhubarb in my garden and I make mean rhubarb muffins   

Firefly how are things with you? Next step planned or still deciding?

Luisa Glad you survived the christening. I avoid them to be honest. I make up an excuse or say I'm already doing something. I don't seem to be invited to kids birthday parties anymore which is a bonus   x

Squirrel how are you my lovely? Been thinking about you lots and   for some positive news. Thanks for asking after me. I'm slowly going mad. Woke up at 1:30am with AF cramps but trying to stay positive and convince myself it's implantation pains  

Lil'one How are you? Sending lots of positive thoughts your way x

Michimoo How are you? Keep thinking about you and hoping to see you on here with some good news.

Hi to Pinkpixie, seemslike4eva and Sid and anyone elseive missed. Won't let me go back very far to see older messages.

AFM I am doing my best to stay positive on this 2WW. Wasn't feeling too positive in the early hours when I woke with AF pains but I'm trying (but failing) to convince myself that they are implantation pains. I've googled it and it does add up time wise but maybe I'm trying to fool myself Long way to go yet so trying to keep my mind busy and my fingers off google! 

Sending positive vibes to you all and wishing you all good news xxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi lovelies,
Now I dont want to upset anyone by posting insensitively about things, so please tell me to shut up if you think this is inappropriate. I care so much about those who have recently had a negative, and do not wish to hurt anyone.
I need a little advice. Think having early mc, definitely what is termed threatened mc. Hcg gone up to 141 but progesterone dropped quite a bit so not good sign. Also cramps and blood plus clots intermittently. So clutching at straws really. Not sure how to feel. More bloods wednesday. Ho hum.

Anyhow, enough about me. Thank you for your posts, how is everyone doing? I wish we were all near each other so we could plan a meet up and proper hugs. Sending buckets of love to all xxxxx

Ooh, just seen your post Mogster! Could easily be implantation pains! I choose to believe they are! This tww messes with you, and if nothing else, this cycle especially has proved it is not over til the blood test confirms it. Distract yourself! If you figure out how to, let me know. Sending hugs and calm xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies,

Squirrel - it must be good for hcg to have gone up, perhaps you need to up your gestone/ cyclogest....what has the clinic said, where are you by the way? Keep , the hcg is moving in the right direction. After my fleeting bfp earlier this year, I googled levels like crazy. I did find a quote that made me smile...._beta hcg...a special kind of torture reserved for ivf_....made me 

Monster - symptom spotting can send you crazy, but  it's the little one snuggling in

Rach - how are you today?

Michi - how are you going?

Hi to everyone else....to be honest i'm a bit distracted. Had bloods this morning, call should be any time   

Lil' one


----------



## Mogster

Squirrel great news about hcg going up. Like lil'one says could it be you need to up your gestone/cyclogest? Have they suggested that? Really can't help with the blood clots etc as I've NEVER been pregnant so worse I've had has been after IVF cycles. How many did you have transferred? Only reason I ask is a friend of a friend had blood loss including clots and had a scan at A&E. They said she had an early MC. When she went to her clinic a couple of days later they scanned and said she still had a sac and had probably lost one of the 2. Her son is now 6. Anyhow looks like we need to keep our fingers crossed and positive thoughts going until Wednesday. The only thing I've found that keeps me busy is eating! Wouldn't recommended it. Mind you I've been eating healthy things! Take care x

Lil'one I hate waiting for the phone to ring especially when you so want it to be good news. I hope your call comes soon and it's good news. Look after yrself x

Hi to anyone else reading x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Sorry, ladies...no good news from me

Another bfn, must be used to it by now?

Not sure where our next step is, but will just look after each other for a while  

Hope you're all ok  

Lil' one


----------



## Mogster

Sorry lil'one     to you both x

We are all here for you x


----------



## squirrel2010

Lovely lil one - cant tell you how sorry I am. What is going on in the world. No justice, nothing. The whole thing is cruel and the is no rhyme or reason. This is not your fault, and it is random. Mother nature is a total b**ch and I am angry on your behalf. Sending huge hhugs and support. Will write more later, keep strong with your dh and you are not alone in this. Lean on us, big cuddles xxxxxx


----------



## Sidd

Really sorry to hear your news lil'one
Sending you big hugs and positive thoughts..thinking of you x


----------



## rory2011

Rach and ill one, just read both of your news, infertility is such a horrid thing   to both of you.


----------



## rory2011

Oops should be lil one...sill predictive text


----------



## pinkpixie

Squirrel have they upped your progesterone? I know a lot of people who had this and increased it and it did help
Xxx


----------



## pinkpixie

Lil one    there are no words xxxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One, this is just so unfair,    
Squirrel, keep hoping. At 4.5 my prog was only 29, and I didn't do anything extra.
Mogster, keep hoping too   
Michimoo, thinking of you too...
Love to everyone
xxxx


----------



## Luisa8

So so sorry Lil'one .....   
I echo what squirrel said so well....
Squirrel...don't give up yet!!    


xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## squirrel2010

To everyone really - i have been thinking all day about how cruel this journey is. And you know what? We dont deserve this. What it proves to me is this is all random but it also proves to me how strong, how brave, how intelligent and how incredible all of you ladies are. Look at what we have had to deal with as a collective group? Isnt it a nightmare you couldnt possibly make up? And we are still standing. The support I have been given from you and others on FF is my silver lining. It has made me realise that I am not being punished or singled out by someone or something for being a bad person, it isnt that I would make a crap mother, and there isnt some underlying reason why we are being put thorugh this...it cant be - because all of you lovely ladies dont deserve this, so I therefore cant either. I tend to blame myself all the time for what has happened. I bully myself and tell myself awful things, which are likely not true. And it is only through knowing other wonderful women - who also dont deserve this awful journey, that it gives me hope that this is a test and whatever decisions we make, none of them are wrong, we have to do what we can in our own ways to get to the end of it, whatever that may be. Does that random waffle make sense to anyone?!

A very great FF lady who is a wise woman taught me that all we can do is take things one day at a time. If we cant do that, then take it one hour at a time. And if we cant face that, just one minute at a time, to deal with anything that is thrown at us. To lean on friends who understand. Thank you for being there for me.

Not sure why I am waffling, just feel very emotional and angry on behalf of myself and other lovely girls, for all the things we have been through.

Rach and Lil One - anything we can do, just let us know xx

Mogster - thank you for your story about your friend. I liked your mention of eating! I crumbled and had curly fried tonight. Very naughty. Am a bad comfort eater. Fruit tomorrow. Keep strong, for now, you are 100% pupo  xx

Luisa - thank you   xx

Sl4e - thank you too   xx

Michimoo -   xx

Pink Pixie - thank you as well  , they are tweaking my doses, fingers crossed xx

Everyone else - hey buddies xx


----------



## Jess81

Squirrel, huge hugs hun. It's good that ur level is going up... I really hope this is good news for u! I can relate to how u are feeling because the exact same thing happened to me I just prey that you don't have the same outcome we did. Xx

Lil one, hunni I'm so sorry. This journey is just so SH1T!!! No one deserves this pain, wish I had a magic wand I could wave! We are all very good at passing out advice but listening to ourselves we are pretty rubbish lol. Take some time out and think about your next step. 

Sorry for the short reply it's hard on phone to remember what everyone has said! Hope you are all ok

Jess xx


----------



## Rach76

Hi ladies, sorry for the me post but I am struggling so so so much and I just can't snap out of it. It is 4.45in the morning and I am sat down stairs sobbing my heart out and I just can't stop. I have come down stairs as not to awake DP who is snoring like a trooper! I am just such a mess. Af has still not arrived and I am on day 36 of my cycle now. Am definitely not pregnant so went for a scan last night to see if anything was going on as I just feel absolutely terrible.

So to top it all off I have two 5cm cysts - one on each ovary causing me pain. The one on the right is a normal cyst but the one on the left they referred too as a complicated cyst. Not really sure what this means but she said it had a thickened tough shell so may not go by itself. So apparently I am feeling rubbish because the cysts are producing too much progrestrogen which is delaying my af. Hormones are therefore all over the place. Is it not bad enough that I did not get pg after all this trying? But now I have two cysts to deal with that are so so so painful and screwed up hormones making me feel the worst i have ever felt- so low and so depressed I just can't cope. I don't know what to do now. Do I go to the dr? Can they drain the cysts for me? Don't wanna annoy penny as she so needs her holiday. But I really don't know who to turn to or what to do. Any suggestions? 

Lil'one - I am so so so sorry to hear your news. Sending you loads of big hugs. X 

Thanks for listening ladies. 

Rach x


----------



## rory2011

Oh rach, what a complete head doer. What did the people say who did the scan say they would do? Are they going to refer you to a gynae team? If not it might be worthwhile going to gp to see if you can get urgent referral or if not, may be worth going to a&e.....as if you are in a lot of pain they can try and fast track you to gynae. 

You really don't need this on top of your bfn. Cry when you need to, I still do and it's been a year since my last bfn....comes out of the blue sometimes but others its the dreaded preg announcements. Think I am also petrified about our plans for our next cycle and what to do if it fails.

Xx


----------



## Mogster

Go Squirrel!!! I second everything you said. Very wise words x

Ah Rach you poor thing     I agree with Rory either your GP or A&E to get it sorted quickly. You have been through so much and this just takes the @#?%!!! Makes me so angry that good honest people can't have what they want and deserve yet there are people out there who get pregnant just by looking at a man and don't bloody deserve it. I really hope you are pain free very soon and AF is kind to you. If I could see you know I'd give you a big hug and a huge bar of chocolate and maybe a bottle or 2 of wine! I can understand you not wanted to wake hubby but I hope you told him this morning and he gave you a huge hug x
Keep us updated with what's happened and please continue to rant and cry with us so we can try and what we can to support you. Good news must be coming your way soon xxx


----------



## Jess81

oh Rach, i'm so sorry to hear ur news... it's just rubbish isn't it! fx u can get it sorted quickly, i would go to A&E if they are causing u heaps of pain! hope you feel better soon sweetie xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Rach - you poor thing. This is all bad enough without the hormone crashes and extra pain and problems creeping in. Definitely get to see someone, either A and E or your doc. I think they can drain cysts but only under some form of anaesthetic  . I also think you shouldnt pressure yourself to 'snap out' of things. How can you? I wouldnt be able to. I think we all pressure ourselves to be ok after all the awful stuff we go through, and we use that lovely IF stick to beat ourselves up when we actually need to look after ourselves. I of course know that isnt easy and the last thing I want to do is tell you what to do. Tell penny too, she will care and maybe have even more advice for you. You wont be bothering her! You are 110% allowed to feel like this and cry as much as you like. We will look after you as much as we can. Huge sympathy and cuddles, please let us know how you are what is going on later??
Squirrel xxxxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Think game over after what has just come out of me, sorry for TMI.


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Rach - you should defo speak with penny, you're really going through it.  I was up last night too, it's such a lonely time  

Thanks to you all for your words of wisdom.  To be honest i'm just finding it horribly uunfair.  I am surrounded by people who seem to get pg at the drop of a hat...... 

We have booked a follow up next week, but we have decided that it'll be Argc for next round.  We are both battered by it all, and i just want iit to stop  

Lil' one


----------



## lil&#039; one

Squirrel, just read your post, so sorry


----------



## Mogster

Oh ladies I love this site but hate the fact I can't give you a real hug. Sitting here crying for such special, inspiring, strong women who do not deserve all this heartbreak. Life is so cruel and no one should have to go through so much to achieve motherhood. I really don't know what to say as I know nothing can make it right. My only hope is that you get the support you all need either on here or at home so that you can make steps for the future whatever that may be. 

Cry, shout, share, hide away or do whatever you need to do. It's ok not to be strong all the time!!!

Sending   Only wish it was a real group hug xxxxx


----------



## Firefly369

Big hugs from me too   

Rach- this is just so unfair, my heart goes out to you. I'm sure Penny would want to help you with something so important so please let her know. I agree with the others too, if you are in pain you really should see someone asap. Will be thinking of you.    

Lil One- I'm so sorry it wasn't better news, it's such a horrible feeling     I'm glad you've got your review booked soon and have an idea of what your next steps will be. I find the only way I can keep going is to start planning the next round. 

Oh Squirrel I was so pleased to read that your hCG had risen, I'm sorry that you are having to go through all this. I will keep hoping that all is still ok for you. Big hugs


----------



## seemedlike4eva

rach, do seek medical advice, just in case the chaotic hormones make the cysts increase. Sorry you're having this to deal with too.
Lil One,   , hope review can help with moving forward into next cycle.
Oh Squirrel,


----------



## bethholm

Squirrel,Lil'one and Rach- massive massive hugs my lovelies.

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,'I will try again tomorrow.'

Much love

B xxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Rach - did you see a doctor? Are you ok? Obviously, not ok, I know that is a silly thing to say but I hope so much someone is helping you feel better. Thinking of you loads xx

LilOne - your review sounds like progress, and I know sometimes even having a plan for me can make me feel like I am putting one tiny foot in front of the other to keep moving forwards. Does that make sense? I hope so much that argc will be your miracle workers. Really thinking about you too, i hope you are getting lots of support at home? How are you today hon? Xx

Beth - I love your quote and have written it down, hope you are feeling less stressed and work and ds are ok? Xx

Firefly - thank you so much for your post, huge hugs back at you and hope you are ok, what are you up to? Xx

Mogster - how is the dreaded tww? Are you keeping sane and busy? Your post nearly got me crying. Your words were so heartfelt and it meant a lot to me. Hugs xx

Sl4e - thank you for your prayers, please please keep them coming. Hope you are well hon xx

Everyone - not quite sure what I would do without you. I watched shooting stars in the garden last night and made wishes. I am shocked, as I have had quite a lot of bleeding etc, and somehow, somehow my hcg and progesterone have gone up. Miracle for now, we shall see. I wanted to thank you for all your prayers and hopes, because it is working so far, against all hope and belief. Am thinking about you all, and especially those who are hurting right now. I dont want to be part of that hurt, I want to support you. Love Squirrel xxxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone, thank you so much for all the support and lovely comments you guys have really helped me through a very difficult few days. 

Lil'one - really hope you are ok? Thinking of you and know exactly what you are going through. Sending big hugs x x x 

Squirrel - really   your little one holds on tight and those levels continue to rise. Can you tell me again about that test thingy you did to find out about when your implantation window is. Thinking it could help me with my next cycle. 

Beth, rory, jess- hope you are ok and thank you for your kind words. X

Sl4e- you r always so supportive and I thank you deeply for that. Hope all is well. X

Firefly- a big hello to you . Hoping you are all good. 

Well I am feeling a very tiny bit better today but not much to be honest. I just can't stop crying due to these bloody hormones. I also think it is the realisation that having my own children is really not likely to happen. We have nearly run out of money and no one will lend us any more, my body just will not work and we have tried nearly everything. I have got some frozen embies so we have just one last shot. Been to see dr Gorgy to check out all my immunes to ensure we have done absolutely everything before we have to stop. Talked to Gorgy about my cysts as well as my dr and they both said the same thing- wait four weeks and see if they go by themselves and if not they will have to be aspirated. So could be up to 8/9 weeks before I have a period! Great hormone hell for another four weeks. Just what I need. I just can't get my head around the fact I may never be a mum. It hurts so much. I knew it would be hard work having a family but always believed it would happen eventually.  I feel like I am in a living hell right now and just wish someone could take the pain away. Thank you so much for listening. Am crying again- did not know a person could cry so much. Where do all these tears come from! 

Hugs to all

Rach x


----------



## Rach76

Forgot to say- the pain has eased off now so at least that is something x x


----------



## squirrel2010

Dear Rach - let the tears come out, there is no point holding them in, they have to come out at some point. Cry, scream, rant, let the grief come out however it needs to. I am so pleased your pain has lessened, physically, but sometimes the emotional pain is worse. Do you ever speak to a counsellor? Not that you need to, it is just that I have needed a counsellor so many times and she has been a saviour for me. We all deal with grief and heartache so differently, so I am not telling you what to do. Just let us know what we can do to help. Will PM you about the biopsy. You need to pat yourself on the back for seeing Dr Gorgy, and putting one foot in front of the other, because even if it doesnt feel like it - you are! You are so brave and so strong, and you have been through hell and back. Am sure all of us on here know that trapped in hell feeling, and if only there was a magic wand to get us out the other side. Also I reckon the hormones make everything a million times worse. I so hope your cysts disappear and you can feel better as soon as possible. Day at a time my friend, day at a time. It is all anyone can do. You dont know what is round the corner, and it doesnt make any difference to how you are feeling now. Just day at a time and lean on us all. Huge hugs, squirrel xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach, glad to hear that the physical pain has lessened but sorry that the hormone chaos may last another 4 weeks or so. Do hope that you won't need surgical intervention. I echo Squirrel, let the tears flow hun, and don't be surprised if the most irrational things trigger you- I've cried over never knowing what my child's favourite flavour of yoghurt would be!
Squirrel, of course I'll keep    for your lil toughie to keep hanging on.
Mogster,   , when is OTD?
Lil One   
Firefly, Beth, Lilirose, Luisa, Rory, Jess, Sidd, pinkpixie, waikiki, LTW....and many more ladies thinking of you all.
AFM, all is well, thank you - and it would mean so much to me to see everyone's dream come true xx


----------



## rory2011

Rach, glad the physical pain is lessening.   
Squirrel, hope you get some good news are you due for a retest?

Anyone heard from Michimoo? i thought she had otd this week? FX she has got good news xx

Lil one, hope you follow up provides some answers.
Hi to Mogster, hope you aren't going to crazy, firefly, Luisa, Beth, SL4E, LTW, Jess and anyone else who I have forgotten who's reading.

AFM, why do I drive myself crazy each month? I know its unlikely after 5 yrs of trying that I will get pregnant. I stopped with the ovulation sticks this month but day by day I seem to convince myself...even though i tell myself not to think about it, that perhaps this month will be the one and we won't need another round of IVF and some how I will miraculously get preggers...but then as the month goes go I swing from yes to know and analysing every boob pain and stomach twinge. the of course af pains start and af comes....but why do i torture myself...I wish I could switch my brain off sometimes. I try not to think about IF but it seems to be constantly on my mind argghhhh....who knows what i am going to be like when we cycle again...part of me is really dreading it. Anyway enough of my ramblings, have a good friday!


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi Rory
After 11 yrs of trying, 9 ivf cycles and at my age, my period is currently 6 days later than normal. And even I am still thinking it might be a miracle natural BFP. Of course my rational side tells me it's undoubtedly due to the bfn we just had in July, the drugs, the hormones, the messed up cycles with all the ivf, but a little bit of me is still hoping. I won't to a pg test because I tell myself that's ridiculous and I'm just getting my hopes up, meanwhile every day it doesn't arrive, just gives me a little bit more (false) hope. So I know exactly what you mean about torturing yourself!  I will be very glad when this journey is over and I can relax a bit and start just enjoying my life again!! 
Have a good day.
  to squirrel, been reading yr posts and keep meaning to reply. Hope u r ok.
And big big hugs to rach too. I'm so sorry.  

Ange xxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. Thank you for all your kind words. Things are not getting much better. After saying the pain was easing it has been getting worse and worse. Getting really bad back ache, sickness and headaches as well. When will it ever stop. I just want it all to be over so I can build my life back together again and try and move on. At the moment I just feel in limbo land. I feel so ill and test no one will do anything about it. Just gotta wait to see if they go by themselves. Thanks for listening. X


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rach, love, get to the doctor! They can't refuse to see you, as you have a diagnosis of cysts, and those little blighters can change in status xxx


----------



## squirrel2010

SL4e - thanks so much buddy for your kind thoughts for all of us, I too pray we will all get our dreams despite us all taking the scenic route. Hugs xx

Rach - i agree with sl4e! Get to a doc! More pain and feeling dreadful makes your case more urgent and at the very least they can prescribe some pain relief and bump you up the list. They cant make you wait weeks when you are in pain. You are super important, and deserve the best care, so dont feel like you are bothering anyone. Please call someone, we arebworried about you. You poor darling, this is just the icing on the cale at the moment and it is ridiculously unfair. Keep us posted. Hugs xx

Rory, you could have taken the words out of my mouth! It is called hope! Perhaps irrational in my case but I am not kidding - even with shrivelled up ovaries that should belong to a ninety year old, I still wonder if a miracle could happen each month. I even try to orchestrate naughty business with dh to coincide with when i should ovulate and i have freaking premature ovarian failure! Lol. You are normal, or else we are all bonkers! Ineed an off switch too. More bloods for me on Monday. How are you doing? When are you getting back on the horse hon? Hugs xx

Cranky Angie - thank you for yor support hon. You are not being ridiculous, again - like Rory you are being hopeful. Hope the witch does stay away and miracles happen. I know exactly what you mean about wanting the journey to be over. I hope it ends in a godo way for us all. What are your plans at the moment with cycles? Hugs xx ps not sure where the cranky bit comes from, you are lovely   xx

Lil one - how are you feeling sweetie? Silly question I know. Thinking about you xx

Everyone - happy friday. Thank goodness for the weekend. Am still off work as still bleeding. Normally it is nice to finish work so I dont have to out an act on in front of everyone. I swear i deserve an oscar somedays! Sending much love to all, and support to everyone, love squirrel xxxx


----------



## Mogster

Sorry no personals but just popped on to say its another BFN for us  

What hurts the most is that I have never had a positive and to see 2 lines is the step we dont seem to be able to make. I know a positive means a long journey still to come but I just want to get to that stage.

I really thought this time was different and it had worked. I tried to be so positive. I haven't cried this time I've kind of just accepted it. Not sure if I have any tears left for IVf if that makes any sense. 

On holiday at the moment so I guess I'll continue to have a good time before returning home and making the decisions on what comes next.

Thanks for all your support ladies. I really couldn't do all this without you all.

Love to all xxx


----------



## Firefly369

Hi everyone

I've not been able to get on much in the last few days as I'm away but have been thinking of you. 

Mogster- I'm so sorry     It's absolutely gutting and so unfair. I hope you can still enjoy the rest of your holiday and then find a way forward when you get back. Take care xxx

Squirrel- I hope things are improving and your little bean is staying strong, keeping everything crossed for you    

Rach- I hope you are not suffering in silence, as the others say please do go and see someone if the pain is getting worse, even if they still say you have to wait and see they might be able to give you something to ease the symptoms. Big hugs    

Ange- I really hope there's going to be a miracle but if not I hope AF will behave for you xxx

Big hugs Rory,    I was always the same, even the first cycle after having my tubes removed  

 to everyone else hope you are all doing well. 

AFM- nothing much to report, am doing my DR injection on Wednesday which will be day 21. I think I ovulated probably on day 16 but no idea really. I've always been told to do the injection on day 21 but I know some people use ov sticks and do it 7 days after ov so I just hope my body behaves   We are going for FET in September  but being a teacher I'm really restricted to dates so we have agreed a weekend with Penny and I really need everything to go to plan now or we'll have wasted about €400+ on flights


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning, ladies

Fire fly -  hope it all continues to work out for you.  It is a hassle with the moving dates  

Rach - how are you feeling?  Do you really have to wait for them to go by themselves.  Seems a bit mean, you poor thing  

Monster - I am so sorry, it doesn't stop hurting, does it?  

Squirrel -   

Range - i do that self torture every month, too!

Afm  planning next time.  Dh is a bit worried about the intensity of argh, so are looking into new life as they also do immunes, I am   that's our missing piece.
We have agreed that this is the last one, so no pressure then 

Lil' one


----------



## squirrel2010

Mogster -    I cant believe it, Your otd came round so quick. Again, I wish I had some words to make you feel one iota better but at this time, there probably arent any. You dont deserve this, you are incredibly strong and special, and my heart is breaking for you. Is there anything we can do? Did you use a pee stick whilst you are on hols? Have you been in touch with your clinic? Sorry, I dont expect answers to questions unless you feel you can. This journey is beyond cruel and unfair xx

Hi Firefly, hope so much all goes according to plan for your fet in september. It will be here before you know it. Keep us posted and enjoy your time off from being a teacher for now. Thank you for your kind prayers xx

Lil One - wow, your plans sound good and the immune side of things can make a difference, I hope so much that it is your last piece of the jigsaw... Always a good idea idea to look at different clinics, hope you make the right choice for you. We will be here for you when you go for it, and we will try and help take the pressure off! All you can do is follow the instructions, the rest is up to the embryo. You sound pro active, how are you doing hon? Xx

Rach - how are things sweetie? Thinking of you xx

Michimoo - miss you buddy xx

Cranky Ange - how is your
weekend going? Xx

Rory - how is yout weekend too?! Xx

Lilirose, Luisa, Beth, Sl4e, Jess, Sidd, Pinkpixie - hello! Xx

Everyone - sending love. None of us deserve this journey. Hugs and support to all xx


----------



## waikiki

Morning ladies,

Sorry that I've been away for a while and to come back and see that several of you lovely ladies have been dealt another cruel blow makes me feel so angry and sad at the unfairness of it all.    

Mogster - what you said about just wanting to get to the BFP stage is exactly how I used to feel until I finally got to see that second line last month.  It took me 8 years and 10 IVFs to get there, so I understand exactly how frustrated you feel.     It looks from your signature as if you produce a good number of eggs and have had several blastocyst transfers, but I couldn't remember if you have looked into immune testing or not?  I'll be honest and say that it still took me 5 cycles with immune tx to get my BFP, but I think that I am an unusual case in that respect.  If you have the money and energy to look into it I would recommend having a consultation with Dr Braverman in New York - he is the third immune specialist I consulted, but he got me pg first time.  It's not necessarily something to decide now, just let yourself get over this and try to enjoy the rest of your holiday.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Mogster,   I'm so sorry. I know what you mean about that 2nd line, I'd begun to think it was just a myth too. I hope you have lots of TLC whilst your away xx
Much love to everyone else, this weekend's culinary delight is rhubarb crumble, rhubarb from a friend's garden xxx


----------



## Mogster

Hi x
Thanks Firefly had a lovely day today thanks x How are you? X

Lil'one thank you. It certainly doesn't get in easier but it does make me smile when you call me monster. It's Mogster   x How are you? X

Squirrel my OTD is Tuesday but I'm 9dp5dt so should be getting +ve now. Yeah I poas this morning. Hardly slept last night so at 5:30 I did it. Woke hubby to say it was -ve and then fell asleep. It was almost a relief the wait was over. I'll test again on Tuesday but I know it won't be any different. Hasn't stopped me googling 9dp5dt negative turning positive! Won't call clinic until Tuesday. I'm going to speak to clinic about next steps and as Waikiki suggest I may look into immunes. Thanks for your support. How are you doing?? X

Waikiki thanks for your suggestions. I will be looking into immunes when I'm home from holiday. I tried replying to you message but your inbox is full apparently. I will def try and message again if I have more questions. How are things with you? X

Sl4e thanks x Think I'm doomed never to see that second line!!! How are you? X

Still not 1 tear from me. I'm upset but don't see point of crying at the moment. May change when I tell the few people that know we had another cycle. Enjoyed my day today and looking forward to tomoro. Maybe a day at a time is the way forward for me. I know we will try again although not sure of what will be different.
Off for some fish and chips x

Thanks to each and every one of you and hi to those who are there but not commenting at the moment.

Love to all xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Sorry, mogster,  predictive text  
There used to be a girl called flossy  on another thread that my computer kept calling floosey


----------



## Sidd

Big hugs Mogster..thinking of you x


----------



## rory2011

Mogster,


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi all, bloods have shown bad news, hcg gone down, scan thursday anyway but pretty much game over. Mostly furious and numb as I really wanted to believe this time. Xx


----------



## Michimoo

Hi ladies,

Sorry I've been AWOL. I've not logged on to FF for a while. Thanks for the PM's ladies & your thoughts xx

I just wanted to say how sorry I am to read the sad posts.  I feel very bad for not being here to support you all & for that I'm sorry. 

*Squirrel* - wait until the scan until you give up hope. I am keeping everything crossed for you my sweet.

*Mogster* - it's not over until I sing ( the fat steroids lady!) squirrel tested at 9dp5dt on a pee stick & got a bfn then got had the blood test & it was positive. Are you having a blood test as that will definitely confirm?

*Lil one* - so sorry its another bfn. I have no words of comfort, but I think you are making the right choice going to ARGC to find out about basic immunes etc. this could be the missing piece to the puzzle. How far away do you live from the clinic? Remember if you want to know anything you can ask me?

*Sl4e* - hope you & bubba are well & enjoyed your crumble? Yummy!

*Waikiki* - hope everything is going good for you?

*Firefly* - how many embies do you have frozen? OV sticks never work for me. Good luck with the DR injections.

*Jess* - you must be nearly at EC? How's everything looking?

*Rach* - I have no words at all. I'm so sorry my love. I wish I could give you a big hug & if you are in pain I think you should go to your GP. At least they can prescribe something to numb the pain a bit? As for AF clary sage works for me with a little acupuncture thrown in. Put the clary sage drops on a tissue & put in your knickers next to your womb for an hour. It helps to contract your uterus apparently. You will stink though!

*Beth* - how's the little man doing after his op? Am loving your quote. x

*Rory* - we will all be here to calm your mind when you cycle again so don't worry. Ha ha ha you are not alone when you come to peeing on a stick each month & thinking you may have a miracle naturally pg. I've been doing it for years! I've even convinced .myself that I might get pg after each failed as just maybe there are still some drugs in my system to help things along! 

*Luisa, lil rose, Cranky, Sidd, Pinkpixie, Chandlerino* & anyone else I have missed. Hope you are all ok? Sending big hugs.

If I could wave a magic wand for us all I would have RSI as I wouldn't stop waving it until we all had our dream.



M
Xxxx


----------



## Jess81

squirrel i'm so so sorry hun, big hugs. i don't have words to help you but be kind to yourself it's nothing you have done, take some time out. you will get there xx
Mich... no EC for me, i'm doing FET!! I had my baseline scan and all is good, lining is 4.5 so started the tablets this morning. 
xx


----------



## Michimoo

Sorry Jess, yes of course you are. My heads a bit   at the mo. xx


----------



## rory2011

squirrel, so sorry hun  

Well, I have booked a tel consult with Dr gorgy this week. We are going to have another IVf at our local clinic who will do intralipids but not neupogen. They won't prescribe it but happy to work with it. So am seeing if Dr G will prescribe it without wanting me to have yet more tests!! Would love to go to serum but dh has lots on at work so wouldn't be able to get time off and I really don't want to wait much longer...it has been a year since last treatment so we have agreed one more go at local clinic with these added extras, then if that doesn't work plan b...whatever that may be but we won't be using my eggs unless we go for a surrogate which I am not sure of. I think I'd rather go donor first.anyone on here got pregnant with a dq match?  ...so roll on october!


----------



## Jess81

Mich, don't worry it's fine. how are you doing? xx


----------



## pinkpixie

Rory we have dq alpha match xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

oh darlings, just don't know what to say, life is so unfair, and if anyone deserves a roll of the dice it's the ladies on this thread xxxxx


----------



## rory2011

Pink pixie you give me hope!


----------



## Mogster

Well Michimoo it's great to hear from you but you need to start singing! Just tested again and BFN AGAIN!!!
How are you anyway? Missed you but totally understand x

Still no tears. Have emailed the clinic as don't want to talk to them and spoil my holiday. 

Squirrel how are you? Have you decided your next step are you still recovering? Good luck with the scan. Maybe it will help to understand what's happened x

Rory good luck lady fingers well and truly crossed for you xxx Did you have your immunes tested with Dr Gorgy then? Do you mind me asking how much they were? PM if that's easier x

Lil'one I reckon my DH will agree with the monster at times!!! How are you?

Thanks Sidd

Do you know what is so depressing? I've put on over 2 stone with all these bloody cycles and I don't want to work out how much we have spent so far. All I have to show for the past few years is a fat belly! It would be worth it if I had a baby inside that fat belly.

Oh well the hubby is cooking breakfast and then it's another day on holiday so will keep super busy and start the super diet another day!!!

Have a good day people and hope you get some positive news soon xxx


----------



## Mogster

Just read back my post and Michimoo I'm sure you are not fat   Realised it sounds like I was agreeing with you! 
Breakfast was yummy and now planning the day ahead x


----------



## Michimoo

Mogster - I am so sorry to hear this sad news first thing. Are you still away on holiday?
Take your time it will hit you when you least expect it so look after yourself my darling. 
This roller coaster is so cruel for some of us and I do wonder why some have an easy ride whilst others have to struggle.
Big hugs my sweet & we are here for you
xxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Lovely mogster - damn those pee sticks. Keep strong, we are here xx

Michimoo - how are you doing hon? Xx

Everyone hurting -   xx

Everyone happy - good for you, so important to hang on to the happy times through all the crap xx

Everyone in general - hi and sending love xx

Well, thats it for me, fleeting positive, scan shows all over, need to re group but not before I cry a lot, drink some wine, eat some chocolate and curse the world in general for being cruel and nasty xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Squirrel, I'm so sorry the scan wasn't good news. Of course you must grieve, and indulge yourself


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. 

Squirrel- I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you loads of big hugs at this difficult time. X x x 

Michimoo- how are you doing? Really hope you are ok. 

Mogster-sorry to hear your news. Hope you can enjoy the rest of your holiday. 

Rory- best of luck with your appointment with Dr g. 

Lil'one- how r you doing? 

A big hi to everyone else. X x x

Well I am in portugal at the moment with my little sis. Trying to forget about things but it is really difficult when you have cysts the size of golf balls knocking around in your tum causing pain. Sitting by the pool watching all the families enjoying their kids is another killer! I just can't help but sit there thinking I am never gonna have kids to be able to enjoy like that. - brought another tear to my eye. And to make matters worse- it's my birthday today. 37 years old. And all I can think of is another year gone and still no family just three stone heavier ( a problem a lot of us seem to have on here) and 65 grand poorer! I'm thinking I am not a very happy person at the moment! Anyway off on a boat trip round the bay now. Maybe we will get lost at sea which will give me something different to worry about. 

Have a fab day everyone. X 

Rach x


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi all
Sorry to hear yr sad news squirrel, it's so hard when you have that positive and then it's taken away  . Definitely a boxful of wine and chocolate called for. Hope you aren't feeling too sad, it's just all so difficult and we all know how you are feeling.  

Sorry rach too, you sound so low I can really feel your heartache just reading your posts. When I have felt like that I have had to take a diazepam or two, or maybe try some reiki that really helped me too. You are suffering so much I would love to give you a great big hug. I'm sure the pain will ease soon but you should get some support to let some of your grief out. I am 45 (nearly 46) and still trying so dont worry there is still time to become a mum, I'm not giving up yet!! (In spite of everyone's disapproval I just don't care anymore!) what's yr job by the way, does that give you any pleasure? Holidays can be really hard when you're feeling low and everyone else is clearly having a great time.  

AFM I'm on my way to lanzarote and into a blimmin sandstorm. Honestly. And I'm still waiting for AF so I can D/R for my FET and I'm already on Day 37 this is just getting ridiculous ....... 

Hi to everyone else 

And    to you too Mogster I'm sorry to hear your news.

Ange xxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

And dare I say happy birthday Rach?!  

Ange xxx


----------



## rory2011

Happy birthday Rach, I hope you manage to have a nice trip out and the golf balls stop giving you too much grief! 

I'm 37 too and realise that ,if I am lucky , I will get to be a mum when I'm 38( trying to get the pma going but it's not too good at mo). I never thought that ,when we started trying for a baby back when I was a spring chicken( 32), That 5 yrs on we would be childless. I often think, I could have a 4 yr old...or maybe more than 1 child if things had been different...now I would be over the moon with one. I seem to torture myself with these thoughts...

Hey to everyone, hope you are having a nice Wednesday!


----------



## Luisa8

I just wanted to pop on to give a huge huge    to Rach, Mogster & Squirrel.... There are no words to describe how cruel and sad this journey is that we are all on ......  




I'm meeting up with Cranky Ange (who I'm sure isn't as cranky as she makes out) while she's in Lanzarote. Anyone else want to join us for a FF meet up on the beach ?  


xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

I hope you don't mind me gate crashing?  I figured after 4 failed IVF cycles this thread would be right up my street.  I am awaiting AF and psyching myself up for my next cycle.  We are trying ICSI this time with a short flare protocol.  Our biggest problem is I don't have many eggs and those I have are a bit rubbish.  Trying to be positive and having a couple of months break has helped but the last failure crushed me and to be honest I am scared to face that horrible feeling again as its unbearable (I know you all know exactly where I am coming from).  However I am not quite ready yet to give up just yet so its the risk I have to take.

I am sorry to read of some of the latest miscarriages and BFN's.  It's so horribly painful.  My MIL asked me if I was getting more relaxed about my "treatment" - I thought that she was kidding!  Like multiple negatives is going to make you feel more chilled out and relaxed  

Anyway good luck to all of you!

Trumpet xxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovely girls, thank you all for your good wishes and hugs, much needed and appreciated   xx

Rach you poor sweetheart, happy birthday and thinking of you. Pat yourself on the back majorly for being so brave what with all those children and families rocking about. I had a wry smile when you said you could have something different to worry about if you were out at sea. Firstly because you are definitely not allowed to get lost at sea   coz we would miss you! Secondly because I completely agree, I wish sometimes that I had something different to worry about instead of ivf and failure! I believe you will be a mum, just like I believe in all of the ladies on here. Wish I believed so much in myself as well! I hope your cysts get better soon, and your pain goes away. Hugs xx

Cranky Angie - thank you for being so kind in your post, it means a lot. I hope you have a great time in Lanzarote and I would love to come and join you! I wish I could! Have some sun, sea and cocktails for me, keep us posted with holiday news. Hugs xx ps FYI, I think you will make a fab mum and age has nothing to do with it xx

Luisa - enjoy meeting up with Cranky Angie!! You lucky tykes. Wish I could join you. Thank you for popping on and caring about us, hugs for you too xx

Rory - please dont torture yourself sweetie. Age has nothing to do with it, and you are still a spring chicken and will make a great mum. I am like you, I do it on a daily basis - what if this, what if that. I am looking at a course for tackling anxiety and stress and it does say that our negative automatic thoughts need to be recognised and tackled. Ha, if only it were that easy eh!! Anyhow, keep strong, when are you having your next appointment? Hugs xx

Mogster and 
Michimoo - hugs and how are you doing? Xx

Trumpet - welcome! Your post made me chuckle, I know your feelings well! I wish you didnt have to go through this. You will find lots of support on here, and we can help you through your cycle. One step at a time. I hated the feeling of getting back on the horse. One friend said to me to keep going if the pain of a bfn isnt as bad as the pain of being chiild free. I wonder what people would say to that? Hugs xx

I have been pro active today, and de cluttered the house, put all of my ivf paperwork into a neat file, and tried to figure out some anxiety and stress management. I have such a problem with it. Doesnt help being a total control freak, perfectionist and terrible patient in general! Only cried once today so think that is progress! Thinking of you all, and very grateful for your messages of support. Love Squirrel xx


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## Rach76

Hi everyone. Thanks for you lovely messages. Sorry for my depressing post. I just needed to share how I felt with people who understood. I just can't get my head around this one. Well you will be glad to know I did not get lost at sea. Had a great boat trip, saw loads of dolphins, got a tan, met some very funny French people, went out for a lovely meal with my sisters, got a bit drunk. Ok very drunk and woke up with a hangover! Then today went to a water theme park. I am so too old for rollacosters but had a good day anyway pretending I was 20 with no cares in the world. ( that's how old my sister is who I am out her with) however was not liking the feeling of my stomach ending up in my mouth on those rides! 

Squirrel - thanks for the bitrthday wishes. Hope you are ok. I am so sorry you are going through a bad time. You are such a wonderful support. I am only sorry that I am in such a bad place that I feel like I am not supporting you much. I am here for you if you need to talk. 

Louisa- a big hi to you. X 

Hi Rory- I know exactly where you are coming from. I have got friends who have two children now in the seven years I have been trying. Some people have it so easy. X best of luck with your consultation with Gorgy. Would love to hear how it goes. I had one with him a couple of weeks ago and not sure how I feel about it. 

Angie- thank you for your lovely message. I'm a teacher which I feel makes everything worse most of the time. I teach 11-16 year olds and to be honest it is driving me mad. All I do is work. I am so ready to move on and have different priorities in my life like a family. But I can't seem to have that. Sometimes I just wanna shoot the parents.  Some of the kids have been brought up so badly by their parents. It's all so unfair. Some people don't deserve children the way they treat them. Really hope you have a good time away and af arrives. We pray all the time for af to not come and then when we want it too it doesn't. I am so frustrated and hormonal because of these cysts and am on day 44 of my cycle now and still no sign. 

A big hello to all the other lovely ladies out there. 

Rach x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

good evening ladies.
Welcome Trumpet, I joined this thread ages ago, and it saved my sanity when all around me were having success either natural or tx.
Luisa & Ange, have a drink for me!
Rach, I remember my first holiday after I lost my first baby, only to Porthcawl, but still surrounded by families and kids, felt so raw, I'll never forget it, I'm glad you managed a carefree day today - after all, it will be a day at a time for now   
Rory, hope the immunes consult will offer a way forward.
Squirrel, i could really do with a professional de-clutterer round here, instead I ignore the chaos and de-stress by cooking  Big hug honey x
Mogster, Lil One & Michimoo, in my thoughts and sharing the pain


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## Trumpet

Thanks Squirrel, Rach and Seemslike4eva for the lovely welcome!
I am so sorry to read your profile summaries and your recent disappointments! I am amazed at everyone's resilience.  I am a strong person and have got through many difficult times in my past but IVF and infertility has reduced me to a gibbering wreck more than anything else I have had to endure!
I know how you all feel also about seeing kids with useless parents.  I got so upset about that poor little boy in the news recently who was murdered by his mother and boyfriend and he was like a bag of bones!  He was only 4 - so bloody shameful!  Sods Law really does take the pi$$ sometimes!
Squirrel I am also a bit of a neat freak and I also created a file with dividers for my IVF info/bills etc last Saturday.  Sad but it made me feel better somehow.
Anyway I am starting to feel a bit more prepared for cycle 5!
Rach its good you got drunk - sometimes its nice to feel normal again even for just a few hours although the last time I did that between cycles I overdid it and ended up throwing up and I had to stay at my friend's as I couldn't make it home.

Hi to everyone else and thanks for your support!

Trumpet xxx


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## rory2011

Will write more later but just come off phone with Dr G and need to get back to work...but for you ladies who have had neupogen...did you have an injection in endometrium with it around egg collection? and then have usual injections with it??
Will be back later with mor eof an update


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## Michimoo

Welcome Trumpet. - this is a very supportive thread to help you through every stage of this IVF rollercoaster. If you've had it or feel it we can all sympathise.

Rory - I had neupogen & just had the injections in the stomach not into the endometrium so can't help on that one sorry. Hope Dr G has helped you feel positive about the next attempt?

Rach - sorry it looks like I missed your birthday! Hope you managed to have a good day & belated happy returns to you!  
Wish I still had my tan. I'm seriously considering going on a sunbed soon as I'm feeling very pasty! 

Squirrel - I'm so sorry it is all over for you. I was   so hard. I just don't think the man in the sky listens to a damn word I say! I know it's no consolation but take comfort in knowing that you have those 2 on ice & if they are as good & fighters like the other 2 then there is hope. 

Cranky & luisa -- have a sangria for me in Lanzarote. DH has been talking about getting a holiday home over there for years. Maybe I should suggest a weekend trip this bank holiday & I can join you? 

Mogster - how are you holding up?

Jess - not long now?  

Hi to everyone else!  

As you all probably noticed I haven't posted my news at all. This was for 2 reasons. The main was because I felt like you all needed the support & every time I thought about posting someone else was in need of comfort so I just didn't want to take the focus away from any of you.
The second reason was because I couldn't be   to write those words again! 
Yes mine was a BFN too! 
Devastated - yes
Heart broken - yes
Confused - yes
At a loss - yes
Fed up - yes
Angry - yes
Why me? - yes
Hate my friends who have kids & take them for granted? - yes
Dealing with it - No
Cried - No
Treading on egg shells - yes
Feel like a pressure cooker waiting to explode - yes
Desperately trying not to post a ranting status on ******** - yes
Etc , etc, etc.

We are biting the bullet & having a consultation with Dr Braverman. I am fed up with not having a diagnosis. DH has decided that it is me that's the problem. (Gee thanks for that!) & someone needs to find it & fix it or find it & we deal with it. 
We did pay for 2 cycles so will go again with Serum probably in Dec, however we will have tests & I'll try to stop googling like crazy. 
So that's my [email protected] news, sorry I couldn't lighten the mood. 

M
Xxx


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## Jess81

Oh Mich, 
i'm so sorry to hear your news, but i'm pretty sure i'm not going to be the only one to say this.... U silly thing for not saying anything before, i know others needed support but so did you!!! 

Big hugs to you. 

Hi to everyone else, welcome trumpet!! 

xxx


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## rory2011

Oh michi, I had wondered what was happening, so sorry to hear your news xx
I hope you get some answers for your next plan.

welcome trumpet!

AFM had tel consult with Dr G this morning. He has agreed to prescribe neupogen for me for my next cycle. He mentioned that it would be an injection in endometrium around ec (I am assuming he means uterine wash) and then to take as injections after et. This means that i will end up having to have the uterine wash with him as don't think my local clinic will do it.

Anyway he waffled on a lot and talked about doing other tests ie: retesting my NK cells which I had done with Dr E  and having humira which i didn't fancy. Said I'd discuss with DH re: LAD testing but to be honest i don't think we will do it. I feel that i want to try intralipids and neupogen as we haven't had those before and if it doesn't work then plan B......which i m
a none the wiser to what it will be either.So roll on next AF, then we will be cycling in oct time!!! I do feel ready to go again but absolutely scared witless about it at the same time.

Think I'll have a glass of wine later...diet not going well either.


----------



## squirrel2010

Hi Rory - sounds like you are making real progress, and going forwards  , am so glad you had a good consult with Dr Gorgy and have lots of extra options. Time to mull it all over...october is not too far away you know! Exciting but scary at same time. We'll help you stay excited. It is another chance   xx ps will join you in that glass of wine!

Jess - hi hon, how are you doing? Xx

Michimoo -   completely understand why you didnt post. You are naughty though. You are just as important as everyone else and deserve the same support. I am gutted for you. The man upstairs doesnt listen to a word I say either  , and it really challenges me. Your list actually made me chuckle as I could echo it apart from the crying! I often think of posts I can put on ********! Squirrel is...shoving a cyclogest up her  !! Lol! Naughty dh for saying that - there is no fault here, it is biology and medical and you didnt choose this. Good call on Dr Braverman, would love all the details if thats ok. Keep strong, chin up tits out and that crap xx ps thank you for your hope for me, I also have hope for you xx

Trumpet -   I did exactly the same! A whole new colour coordinated file with different sections for everything! I couldnt bring myself to look at the number of invoices! I do love stationary! Sad huh. I completely agree about the little boy in the news. Shocking. I also completely agree we are all a team of seriously strong resilient ladies to be where we are. We should pat each other on the back more, as I am incapable of giving myself an actual compliment! Ooh, good luck for your upcoming cycle xx

SL4E - i will swap you decluttering for food?! I am a dreadful chef. More of a wont cook than cant. Though puddings I can do. Hope you are doing well and thank you for the hugs xx

Rach - you are not depressing! Post anything you like here. And dont be naughty  , you are a fab support and it is lovely we all have each other. How are your cysts feeling? Any progress? When do you next see doc? Hope for once the witch shows up asap and your poor bosy can start to get back to normal. When are you home? I think teaching must be one of the worst possible jobs to do when you are going through this. Huge sympathies but it proves how strong and fab you are! Xx

Mogster - thinking of you xx

Luisa and Cranky Angie - you better be sipping those cocktails on my behalf! Xx

Everyone - hope you have a better weekend than you think you will. Chin up tits out C.U.T.O xx

AFM - hcg levels taking ages to come down, the witch is being a cow, back to work next week and cant be bothered. I saw something that said you can be more fertile or receptive after a miscarriage? Any truth to that do we think or old wives tale? In planning mode one minute then crying the next   but I know I am lucky to have the frosties. Just not sure when to go and get them as got holiday planned in January that I would have to cancel if by some miracle I got pg...do I wait and save money and start 2014 with an FET after relaxing fab holiday, or crack on and risk it...?? Any thoughts welcome! Hugs to all xx


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## lil&#039; one

Good morning, ladies  

Michi -   you poor thing.  Please always come to us for support, that's what we're here for.....just as you have been for all of us.  So, Dr B is an immunes expert?  Have you had any done in uk?

Squirrel - the same thing happened to me on my bfp with ohss.  It's so cruel, bloods keep coming back pg, when you want to move on.  I did feel a llot better once the levels came down and af started.  Don't know about being more receptive, but got to be worth a red hot go?  

Rory, sounds like you have a plan....when is cycle?  Just to say intralipids are very stright forward, I have had a few, and did get a fleeting bfp with it, so must bbe a good step  

Hello trumpet, sorry we meet again here, but these ladies are the best for support    are you staying at current clinic for cycle 5?

Rach - sometimes a bit of escapism is just what you need, are you home now?

Luisa and cranky ange, hope you ladies had a nice sunny catch up.  Beats here today, rain rain rain

Hi to everyone else,
Afm struggling.  This next cycle is the last so the pressures on.  We went to see new llife which is must closer to us.  They seem to offer everything Argc do, but the success rates are not as good, so while I want to try them, I don't know I can risk it for the last shot....what do you tthink?

Had a family wedding yesterday, very hard surrounded by happy parents, all of which we have watched get married, have a baby, have another.....and still we hope....

Sending you all a massive  , we really need it.
Cuto

Lil' one


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## Mogster

Hi to all the lovely ladies on here x

Rach - Happy Birthday (Sorry its late) I hope you had a good time away with your sister and I was pleased you didn't get lost at sea as I would miss you on here. How is the pain now? I hope it's easing off. Don't apologise about any of your posts. It's what we are here for x

Michimoo - As others have already said you are naughty. We are hear for every negative or positive bit of news from each and every one of the people who post on here. Just shows what a caring supportive friend you are to so many. Next time try and think of yourself and the support you need from us. We are all tough cookies so can take it x Oh and I agree with all that you said! Although some of my answers would have included some naugh words!  I wish my 'friends and family' knew just how hard it all is. I am avoiding all friend with kids at the mo (That would be all my friends!) but unfortunately can't avoid the family. Day with the in-laws tomoro. Not sure how I am going to face them all!!!

Squirrel - What can I say apart from I am so sorry it's over for you this time and I hope your levels sort themselves out soon so you can take your next step. How is the  de cluttering going? I have had a big sort out as well and I've put all my IVF paperwork out of sight for a bit! I loved the bit about ********. Sometimes I feel like saying something but then I wouldn't want the pity from people. Just makes me so angry especially when others are moaning about their kids. I have been tempted to put something very rude back to them. X

Cranky Angie - How are you? Hope you had a good trip and that AF shows up soon so you can start your FET x

Luisa - I would have loved to meet up for a good chat but as I've just got back from holiday it's not going to happen. I hope you both have a good time and enjoy a wine or 2 x

Trumpet - Hello and welcome and I'm so sorry you find yourself here. You will get lots of support from some amazing people on here so feel free to rant, moan, scream or whatever you need to do as we are listening x

SL4E - How are you? Hope all is good with you x

Rory - How are you? Have you made sense of you consult with Dr G? I must admit I really don't understand all this immunes business and find it all overwhelming. Each time I try and read about it I freak out and shut it all down! Guess I am going to have to face it at some point. Good luck for you next cycle x

Lil'one - How are you? I know it's hard but try not to put too much pressure on yourself as that will stress you out. Wishing you all the best with your next cycle. This time is your time x

AFM - Still hasn't really hit me. I had one slight wobble when away but I was frustrated with DH so it was more a hormonal reaction than being upset it hadn't worked. 

I am back from holiday. I had a lovely week is Suffolk despite the BFN part way. Lots of walks, time on the beach, delicious food, brewery tour (thankfully after test day so I could test the alcohol), time to read and time to spend with my DH.
 
Back to work soon so I will be surrounded by kids and mothers and kids who are mothers and mothers who are expecting number 7 and colleagues who are pregnant and colleagues who are on maternity leave and bring in their babies and maybe it will hit me then!?!?

Still can't get my head around immunes etc. Going to hold off until I have had my follow up appointment. I tried emailing the lady who make the appointments and she is on holiday. Tried the other contact but no reply. Not in the mood to talk to anyone so I will wait until she's back. 

I hope I haven't missed anyone. If I have I'm sorry and hello x


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## seemedlike4eva

Nice to see you lil one!
Mogster, all the best for the return to work. Until my last full-time job, I'd largely been spared the pain of being surrounded by children with ultra-fertile mommies, then I got seconded to a team of health visitors, nuff said.
Sending love and   to all of you, posting+/- just reading,
AFM, 27 weeks today, only 10 to go til planned section, finally feel a bit more relaxed x


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## squirrel2010

SL4E - WOW just couldnt be happier for you, you are inspiring xx

Mogster - the immunes are a minefield but when you feel like it, the immunes section on FF has heaps of info...my heart goes out to you with your exposure to mums and children blah blah blah. I wish sometimes I could hide in a burrow and then pop out when I was fully pg so I dont have to face anyone! If anyone can get through this, you can xx

Lil One - well done for getting through the wedding, good job, must have been so tough you poor thing. What does your heart and your gut say about where to have your cycle? Does travel make more of a difference than familiarity? Have you lost trust in your usual clinic? Do you just want a fresh go somewhere totally new? Write a list of all pros and cons, even flip a coin. If I flip a coin and it lands on the decision I secretly dont want, I usually know...we will help you get through, and try and take the pressure off. All you can do is put yoursel fin the position for it to work, nothing more. Xx

Everyone else - happy bank holiday weekend, hope wherever you are, you are able to find some joy in life, even if it is a tiny thing. C.U.T.O. Xx

AFM, am focussing on my anxiety and stress by doing a sort of online course to tackle things head on   who knows...a friend of mine gave me an incredibly thoughtful card and present today and made me feel like there were people with empathy out there who can support us even if they haveever been through IF. No one will ever understand me like you girls though, quite an incredible thing really, to have all of you girls there for me. Means so much and I wish I could actually explain how much girls like you help me. If only I could meet you all one day. Who knows! Cocktail o clock in lanzarote?! Dh being an angel, am feeling bizarrely lucky tonight. Who would have thunk it! Love to all, Squirrel xxx


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## M0ncris

Hi All

Have read posts as a guest a lot but just joined today after 3rd failed icsi attempt. Hope you don't mind me gate crashing.  Feeling in need of cheering up with ladies who understand what it feels like. DH had retrograde ejaculation so not likely to get pregnant without assistance and now I have problems too responding to drugs.  Filled out forms for next cycle but fed up and want to yell its not fair between crying bouts.  Family wedding next weekend...  
Mx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Welcome m0ncris
We can't promise to cheer you up, but can give you some tales of real strength, God do i sound like a deodrant ad?  
Family weddings aare tough, I just had one this weekend,
Lil' one


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## M0ncris

Hi Lil'One,

I'll take any stories I can get at the moment! Thanks for the quick response.  I feel better already knowing there are others out there.  Suppose its unacceptable to hide under the table with a bottle of wine at the wedding? How did you manage it?

M x


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## lil&#039; one

Hey M0ncris,
To be honest, I think whatever gets you through is ok.
My dh feels the same as me about it all, which really helps.  For a long time I felt too ashamed to admit it even to him, but now I have I think we both feel less of a freak  
There was definately wine involved, and some dancing.
You will be ok  
Lil' one


----------



## Mogster

Welcome MOncris but sorry you find yourself here x
It is perfectly acceptable to drink lots of wine at the wedding and if you feel like hiding away then do it. I'd suggest somewhere a bit moe comfortable than under the table   

Can't really avoid kids and parents as I'm a teacher! 

Thanks for all your thoughts, wishes and support during the past week or so. Yet again you have been there to pick me up and give me positivity.

Squirrel I echo what you have said about the people on here. Only the people who find themselves on here can truly appreciate the pain of multiple failures with IVF. I also agree some people can be sympathetic and kind but without you all who could I ask silly questions or get the support I need.

THANK YOU ALL!!!!! xxxxx


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone. 

Mogster- hoping you are doing ok. Glad you still managed to have a good holiday. I am a teacher too and dreading going back to work in a weeks time. It's bad enough dealing with the kids and the parents but the job also takes up a lot of time after school hours if you know what I mean which doesn't leave a lot of time to sort out IF tests, appointments etc..... But then we have to work to pay for it all. I wish someone would give me 10 million and I would just share it all out with you lovely ladies so we could all stop work for a little bit and focus on The important things in life like getting our own families. X

Lil'one - hope you can decide on a clinic soon. So many decisions to make in this game and you never really know if you are making the right ones. Why is everything just so dam hard. 

M0ncris- sorry you find yourselves here. On the plus side. We are a lovely bunch of ladies who will help you as much as we can. X

Squirrel- I hope you hcg levels sort themselves out soon and your body gets back to normal so you can plan what you are going to do next.  I think you are dealing with this all so well. How do you do it? Cocktails in Lazarote sounds like a great idea to me. X

SL4e - wow not long now. So pleased your dream is gonna come true. X

Rory- glad your consultation went well with dr g. I have only ever had neuprogen injections as penny does not agree with the neuprogen wash. She tested it for a while on patients and the pg rates were not any higher in comparison to those that did not have the wash so she does not offer it to patients any more. But that's just her opinion. I may however be inclined to have the wash if dr g said I needed it because quite frankly I have tried everything else so why not try this too. What have I got to loose.

Michimoo- how are you doing? I have a consult with dr b the beginning of September and one with dr g. Trying to cover everything from every angle. Will let you know how it all goes. Would love to hear how your goes too. 

A big hi to Jess and Trumpet too. 

Afm - still in a lot of pain. Still no af. Gonna bit the bullet this week and go back to the doctors. Even thought of going to a & e and laying it on thick until someone helps me. Hormones still all over the place. I cry daily, just can't help it. So am on day 47 of cycle now. Had a good holiday but everything was always at the back of my mind. So gonna sort the house out so I can go back to work and it will be clean and tidy for a while, do some planning for work, go to doctors, go to a& e if needed, get a scan if needed, try and free up some money as we are completely skint, speak to penny and have a week to do it all as back to work on 2nd sept. it's gonna be a busy one. 

Rach x


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovely ladies,

MOncris - welcome and such a shame you are joining us, but we will all look after each other and battle our way through. I have a great image of you hiding under the table with wine, and I would do the exact same thing, or dance like a fool and get carted off home by my embarrassed dh! Good luck with the wedding, keep strong, paste that grin on and have some champagne to congratulate yourself for surviving this hellish journey thus far xx

Lil One - any decisions on clinic? How are you doing hon? Xx

Mogster and Michimoo - sending hugs, and how are you both? Xx

Jess - how are things going? Xx

Trumpet - hope you are doing ok? Xx

Rory - still reeling from Dr G advice or excited to have a plan? Xx

Rach - what a week you have. Definitely get some doctor advice and nake sure they look after you. It is too unfair to be suffering like that without help. I hope Penny can help too. Go to A and E and kick off if you need to, keep us posted. Huge sympathies. I am amused you think I am dealing with things! You havent seen my melt downs at home  . To be honest, I range so much in emotion from hour to hour, that it may seem I am ok then psycho all at once  . It helps I am still off work but back Wednesday so then it will be tough. Twelve hour shift to start and dont want to go back into the real world. Hugs for you xx

In fact,       for everyone. We are all incredibly brave, so we should pat ourselves on the back more often. I will pat you all on the back and try to believe it about myself one day too  . Xx


----------



## M0ncris

Hello lovely ladies,

Sorry to have been away. A bit of a rollercoaster for me. Tested again on Monday as DH thought it was odd I didn't have af, got a positive which leads me to believe I misread the first test on Sunday. Tested positive this morning but very faint and now have af in all her glory. I am guessing this was a chemical pregnancy. Feel upset but I thought something was not quite right as tests were not showing like they were when I got pregnant last time. Dh is devastated and I want to punch someone so I think I'll stay in today...

We are considering argc now. I'd be interested to know what serum is like - any thoughts on either?

Squirrell, thank you, you cheered me up this morning when I came back to the board. Will update on what I do.

Mogster, sending you hugs [list type=decimal]
[*]
[*]
[/list]

Rach, I am with squirrel, go and kick off in a&e. I am thinking of you. I would also be interested to know what your doctors say.

Lil one how are you doing?

Hello to everyone I haven't met yet.

Mx


----------



## M0ncris

Ps mogster, tried to send hugs but my iPad wont allow it hence the I and 2 business.  Will go back to being wordy.


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi to everyone and sorry for all  the BFNs on here but it's comforting in a way to not feel like the only one who's a failure. Not meaning that you guys are failures but hope you get what i mean.  On my last cycle 4 of us sat round the table for lunch and I was the only one who didn't get a BFP    Maybe between us we can get the right meds programme and turn this thread around. I'm really struggling to get some positivity here!!!   

Lets face it we have all had a helluva time with this game and we need some luck. In my experience happy relaxed people seem to fall pregnant more easily so this has to be my aim. My problem at the mo is I'm struggling with DH. I've so lost sight of whether the problem is me, him, or us together I don't know what to think. And I'm terrified that if I give up on him that will be the end of ivf forever and the end of my dream. Anybody else feel like this? My dream of happy wife hubbie few kids seems to be rapidly dying in arguments, financial problems, depression caused by failure upon failure, life being stuck and not moving on ANYWHERE. I feel very frustrated with how my life has turned out at the moment. 

Anyway this has turned into a bit of a moan which wasn't my intention. Just wanted to touch base with everyone and say hi cos on hols at moment and losing the thread (excuse the pun) of what's going on.

Ange xx


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## Rach76

Hi lovely ladies x x x x

Cranky angie- hope you are having a good holiday. Also hope you and DH can get your head around things. Don't give up! Men can be a pain in the rear end sometimes. Mine is being very very strange at the moement. He is really depressed, very off with me. It is scaring the life out of me to be honest- scared he is gonna run off and leave me because I can't have kids! You know find a younger woman with a uterus that works! Feel so insecure. Just praying its all in my head and due to my hormones. He says it is, but every time I try and talk to him about what we should do next it's like he isn't interested and not listening. So I know completely how you feel. I too am fed up of being stuck in a rut! Really hope it gets better for you soon. And feel free to moan as much as you like. We don't mind it's good to off load. 

M0ncris- sorry you are having a bad time. I really feel for you. I am a serum girly so if you want any more information feel free to pm me. X

Squirrel- hope you are ok. Psycho sounds good to me   I love a bit of psycho , not sure DP likes it when I am like that though! Best of luck going back to work. I am back next Monday ( am a teacher) and so not looking forwards to it. It's too stressful trying to work and sort out ivf, tests etc all at the same time! I hate it. And then ere are all those kids. Talk about rub your face in it. 

Lil'one, michimoo, mogster- hope you are all ok and sending hugs your way. X 

A big hi to all the other lovely ladies- sl4e, Jess, Beth etc......

Afm- you will be pleased to know I went back to the doctors today and had a big hissy fit, cried buckets and did myself proud by getting an instant referral to the hospital. Went to hospital had a complete check over and scan. One cyst has gone and the other one is diminishing which is really good. They think I was in so much pain because they popped. Was very tender inside when being scanned so they did a load of other tests too to make sure I have not got an infection. So now have got to wait for second cyst to completely go and then af should arrive but it could take up too another 20 days! So that will be 10 weeks since my last period! Great! But at least things are going the right way.  All I can say is good job drama is my second subject! As I was very much a drama queen today 

Rach x


----------



## M0ncris

Well done Rach for going to the doctors.  sorry you had to go through all that pain and throw a fit (did it feel good to get it out?) but its good that you know what's going on now.  

Cranky Angie, so sorry it is tough for you with your dh at the moment.  I think it is really tough on both sides going through this and it takes time which is ironic as time is what it feels like is lacking.  

Don't know if this will work for anyone else but my dh is on tour (an actor) and sometimes it helps us have some time apart (three or four days) to rely on others and grieve without the other feeling responsible.  Other times we need to be together more. i know it's completely individual and you may not want advice - feel free to rant and tell me not to give advice.

AFM- feeling a little better. Have been cramping and am tired, going through ups and downs but trying to take things as they come.

M
X


----------



## rory2011

Welcome M0ncris, sorry that you are here.

Rach, glad the cysts are going, hope af isn't going to be another 20days.....
Cranky Angie-  hope things with dh become clearer soon, I really think that IVF really tests you as a couple, it's been hard, lots of conversations that you never really thought you would ever have and then not knowing if dh is still on the same page as you. 

Squirrel -hows things going with the anxiety? I am trying to tackle one area that makes me very anxious (heights and driving) and seems to be getting worse. i am having some CBT but I have been very bad and not done my home work for a few days. I have been away so not had a chance and have had things on for the next few nights....including going to a leaving do as colleague is preggers. Anyway I need a big kick up the bum to do it as I feel it';s getting worse and I know it's doing dh's head in.

Anyway, things ok, just on the count down for oct when we are planning on cycling again.
Hello and   Lil one, mogster, sl4e, jess, trumpet and michimoo and anyone else who is reading


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Sorry its taken a while for me to reply but I went home to visit family for the weekend.

Michimoo - sad about your BFN and for you keeping it to yourself but your list made me chuckle as it pretty much covered every feeling I have had.

Welcome Moncris!  I have also just joined so you are a newbie to the thread like me.

Lil One - yes we meet again.  Sticking with Create for next cycle as trying new approach and I still feel like its the right place for me for now.  Just waiting for AF due this weekend.  Regarding clinic choice I would agree with some of the other girls views in regards to going for your gut feeling as you are far less likely to have regrets.  Try not to put too much pressure on yourself though (easier said than done I know)!

Rach I am glad you were seen to by the Doctors but sorry you have relationship anxieties.  We beat ourselves up so much over this but I am sure our other halves don't feel negative towards us the way we often feel about ourselves.  This is stressful though and it tests any relationship to the max!

Cranky Angie - I felt sad to read what you are going through at the moment with DH and feeling negative.  I also think even though men get upset they deal with the pain differently to us which can cause problems I itself.  Before my last test date me and my Husband had a blazing row and I ended up sleeping on the sofa - basically it was because we both felt stressed and anxious but dealt with it in different ways which resulted in a big clash.  Once we got the BFN though we quickly reunited in the grief of it all.  I really hope that you can both get back on track.

Squirrel good luck for going back to work!  I think you and Mogster are very brave to do the jobs you do going through this...there is no escape from your situation being a Teacher!

SL4E - great news you only have 10 weeks to go.  It's nice to see the positives too.  Lets hope we get some more soon on this thread.

Hello to everyone else and sorry for missing anyone!

AFM - had a lovely weekend with my family and friends.  It felt really positive as I met my friend's adopted children for the first time which was lovely.  It was nice to see how closely they have bonded as a family and they are adorable and so cute.  It is nice to know there are other options if the IVF doesn't work out although my DH isn't keen on it as an option for the moment.  My other friend is pregnant from IVF and she just had some of her test results back to say she is low risk for any abnormalities so that was really positive too.  it felt nice being with friends who have been through it and worse.  
I am feeling ready to start my cycle but like many of you I am struggling a bit with spending time with friends with kids right now.  This has been the toughest year in terms of many of my closest friends getting pregnant literally weeks apart and I have just had an invite for a lunch in October for 5 of us to get together as one of the 5 lives in France so we rarely see her and I really want to go but I will be the only one out of the 5 who is childless.  All the kids will be there too as they are either new babies or toddlers.  It's ages away but I feel anxious already.  Even my 70 year old estranged Father managed to father a child this year so I have a half sister who is 5 months old.  It's been a nightmare as both my Father and the Mother have significant issues so social services have been involved.  I haven't been able to meet her as my Father is being unco-operative although he has sent me photos which was difficult emotionally as she looks like me as a baby.  I keep close to social services as I want to make sure they are watching out for her but it still amazes me when I think of all we go through to try and have a baby, yet 2 knackers with alcohol and mental health issues can produce a beautiful perfect baby just like that!  Anyway sorry I didn't need to offload all that but life does seem so unfair at times.

I really hope we all have some look soon.  Off to bed now but I hope you can all keep your spirits up even though so many of you have had such a tough time so recently!

Night Night,

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Trumpet

Sorry typo - I meant I didn't mean to offload all that!  I guess its uppermost in my mind having been home and seeing family yet we have a new member of our family we currently are unable to see or support except through third parties. X


----------



## M0ncris

Hello Ladies,

So nice to hear other people's news.  Nice to meet you Trumpet and Rory.  

Trumpet, I know I have those feelings when people who aren't even trying get pregnant! I must have worn out the phrase 'it's not fair'.  I agree men process things differently although its v hard not to want to kill them when they do something insensitive.

Rory, sorry to hear about the anxiety.  Someone I know had neurolinguistic programming and said it really helped their anxiety, so if the CBT doesn't work may be that one might. I have depression and I know how difficult it can be so good luck with the CBT.  

Afm, back to work today which was both good and bad.  Small office so everyone knows and my boss keeps saying 'helpful' things like- you really have to consider why you are doing this... Still better than last time when she told me to give up! She's not trying to be hurtful but I could do without it.  Also got cross with dh last night who said he didn't want to spend money on ivf as I have a problem carrying the embryos ... (He thought it was just the way my body worked rather than blaming me).Managed not to kill him and waited until this morning to point out that we had been at an nhs clinic with results that were middling and that I didn't want to look back in five years and think what if we hadn't tried something else.  Which worked... Feel really bad for him as he was so excited when he thought I might be pregnant whereas I didn't really believe it, so giving him some leeway, but boy is it tough sometimes.

Thinking of you all this evening and hoping you are all doing ok, esp those preparing to go back to school next week.  I think you are amazing ladies.

Mx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi everyone!
Managed to miss our flight home to CI so had an unexpected extra night!  
Sorry Monchris about yr boss's helpful comments ... We have all had them. After my last bfn one of my best friends said u can't keep on putting yourself through this .... And a few weeks later when telling another close friend about all the neupogen etc and feeling positive she point blank told me she didn't think it would work!!! Why do we bother even involving these people who just throw negativity at what is already so incredibly hard. Surely it isn't too much to ask that they could just offer some emotional support?!  I also think your life of having time away from DH is good as it makes you appreciate each other more but also gives you a bit of me time, something that's so hard to get once you are married. I wish I could have a relationship like that too but not possible unfortunately! 

Trumpet I really felt for you with your post about the meeting up with friends who all have little ones that would be so incredibly hard. You are very brave to go, I might have to feign sickness on that one if I was faced with it. And as for your father conceiving a child at his age with problems, like you say, you can hardly get your head round that one. And there's me considering DD because of DH sperm meanwhile he is fit as a fiddle with a brilliant diet. Sometimes none of it makes any sense don't you agree? Maybe we just try too hard or something?! I don't know. Anyway hope you are doing ok. 

Well done on the drama performance Rach, so glad things are improving, you are sounding ,much brighter.   will you cycle again once you get AF .... What's your plan? 

Hi to Rory, squirrel, michimoo and anyone else.

Ange xxxx


----------



## Trumpet

Hi Ladies!

Cranky Angie - great you got to stay an extra night away! Like you and Moncris and I am sure everyone else on here I have had some cracker comments!  Most people have been really supportive but some people are just ignorant and say the stupidest most insensitive things.  We are aware enough as it is about the statistics so you are right the last thing we need is someone saying why bother!  Mostly I think we all want people to just listen, be supportive  and try and understand our situation but this doesn't necessarily mean we want their opinion.  We have to listen to enough opinions from Doctors etc. and we certainly don't need them from people who are clueless.

I still plan to meet my friends as I do want to see them as we don't often get the chance to be together but I will see how I feel as I think the outcome of this next cycle may have a big impact on whether I can deal with it or not.  As for how some of the most unhealthy people seem to be able to pop them out like shelling peas - I guess its Sod's law!  I am fit, healthy and taking every supplement going but my eggs still remain just a bit crap.  Anyway I am going to be positive for this next cycle.  I have had two months to build up my resolve - my calendar is clear (well apart from work) for September and I am ready to go.  Just awaiting the old hag that is AF to turn up - hopefully Sunday.

Hope you all have a great Friday.

Take care,

Trumpet xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Evening ladies  

Rach - i am so pleased you got looked at.   that things are settling down.  Good that you have the reassurance of that exam.

Trumpet - as you say health doesn't seem to make any difference.  My bro and sil have a terrible diet, drink, smoke and she is morbidly obese, but have a lovely boy  
I saw a girl yesterday, pushing a baby while pregnant and smoking - nice.

Angie - hope you enjoyed the extra night

Rory, not long til october  

M0ncris - back to work is tough.  I have always kept it pretty secret, but it's always coincided with a newly pg colleague or the like.  Well done for being so patient with dh.  I know what you mean about not looking back with regret.  

Squirrel - how are you.

Hi to everyone else.

Afm ok, currently weighing up new life vs Argc.  Argc seem to have the best success rate, but impossible to do direct comparison.

Lil one


----------



## M0ncris

Hello All,

Lovely to hear from you all.  Today better at work as everyone was back to their own frustrations although I have little patience at the moment with them....

Trumpet, your post made me laugh, I had this image of a pea squeezing out lots of little peas... Know what you mean about egg quality...

Lil One, lovely to hear from you, where is new life? we are also thinking about argc but live in London so it is just as easy.

Cranky Angie, glad you got back eventually and hope you had a great extra day.

Rach, thanks again for the info, it's given me a lot to think about.

Squirrell, mogster, hope you are doing ok?  Hello to everyone I haven't met yet.

Take care,
Mx


----------



## DiDi2011

Hi Ladies

Got another BFN on Tuesday.  This was the last 2 of our frozen embryos; both died.  Trying to decide if I have the energy to go through another fresh cycle or is now the time to give up.  I'm just so exhausted and low its probably not worth it at the moment anyway.  I'm getting older and running out of time to make this happen.  So don't know what to do.


----------



## M0ncris

Hi DiDi,

So sorry you are feeling low and sending you hugs. Welcome to the thread but sorry you have ended up here.

It is so hard, especially having just got news like that.  Please take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

The lovely ladies on here are great and have really helped me in the past week.

M x


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi Didi sorry about your bfn, we have all been there (many times!) and know exactly how you are feeling. It's the most rubbish upsetting heartbreaking thing in the world. We know it!!  

But you will get through it. We all have and we are all still here! There will come a time when it's time to give up, and when that time comes, that's just fine, you will know your breaking point and know you couldn't have tried any harder. For me, and some others here, I am not at that point yet, funnily enough, I have almost been at that point many times, but have always managed just one more, who knows how long I will keep trying for or if it will ever work. I guess I will stop if it feels right to stop or if I have just had enough. 

Take care of yourself, the first couple of weeks after a bfn are the worst then you will start to feel better. We are all here for you to give you whatever support you need. Just keep offloading and we will keep helping  

Hi to everyone else 

Ange xxxx 

Ps back home now and still drinking wine, this really needs to stop soon


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Good evening everyone,
Just had a quick read to try and keep up-to-date, and say hi to MOncris and DiDi - this thread saved my sanity.
Rach, relieved to see things are settling down.
Sorry to hear of the relationship stresses, we've had our moments, at my worst nearly hopped into bed with DH's super-fertile best mate, as at the time we thought it was just a sperm problem - came through that bad patch and very glad I didn't do anything stupid. I really don't think the men feel quite the same depth of need for parenthood as we do, maybe because their bodies don't torture them every 28 days. A saying I heard some years ago was 'Menstruation is the uterus weeping over an unfilled chance of conception', so true along with every other inch of our being.
A young woman at our Church has just had her 2nd child taken into care, another one who is not an ideally healthy specimen but fertile! It doesn't make sense at times.
Jess, is everything going to plan? Is your FET next week, all being well?   
Squirrel & Michimoo,   
Must tootle off and do myself a slice of toast & marmite, can't eat after midnight as having liver scan in the morning to check for gallstones!


----------



## Trumpet

Didi - I feel so awful for you - we all know how you feel and like the others I too have felt like enough is enough recently.  You will feel rubbish for a couple of weeks but you need that time to grieve.  When you start to recover and feel normal again you will feel in a better frame of mind to make a decision.

Lil one - I hope you are feeling closer to a decision?  What is your gut telling you?

SL4E - so pleased you are ever closer to your goal after what looks like a horrendous journey to get there.

Ange - I ate and drank like I had been starved last weekend so trying to ween myself back onto healthy food.  I als had caffeine which I gave up a year ago and I ended up withnthe shakes. No amount of royal jelly will help if I keep shovelling junk down my neck!

Hi to everyone else.

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Rach - thank goodness you got looked at. I shall now do an AF jig for you    
Hope the pain is subsiding & good for you with your Drama skills. Yes had a consult with Dr B over Skype & waiting for the women to sort out bloods etc which seems to be like pulling teeth!

Sl4e - what are you baking today? Anything naughty? Hope the liver scan went ok? 

Lil one - only you can choose what clinic. I ended up doing pros & cons although as you know with me my decision was made on the final hour! I did the flip a coin thing & I didn't like the answer so kept flipping! Maybe I should've gone with the other option now. But I always said that it didn't matter what clinic I went to the eggs would still be the same quality which ever clinic I was cycling with that month. 

Cranky - cheers! Yup I'm with you on the vino! 

Hi to the new ladies Trumpet, Didi & Moncris - sorry you find yourself here but we all know your pain & are here for support.

Jess - good luck sweetie. Not long now.  

Mogster - how you holding up? Yup I know I'm naughty not saying anything but tbh what do you say after it fails again & again?

Rory - sorry being a bit   but what is CBT?

Squirrel - hope you managed to get through work ok?

M0nocris - my DH is away a month & home a month. He's not an actor but I used to be. I gave it all up to do this emotional rollercoaster & to be completely honest I have lost all my confidence so would go to jelly in an audition these days. This last IVF was the first one my DH has been here for so after 4 failed attempts it was only the fifth that he saw me inject! It is difficult.

Not sure if lil rose & luisa are lurking? If you are then  

Also big hi to Wakiki, pink pixie, sidd, lucky B, Beth, HBK & anyone else I've missed.

AFM - I still haven't   am I mental? I feel liked its bottled up but I really can't force it & every time I feel a little upset I suck it back in & stop myself. 
I think I just might lose it when DH has gone although I nearly lost it when I went to check on my parents house yesterday as they are on hols.  I went into my old bedroom & felt very emotional as all the times I spent in there I had no cares in the world & just was under the impression I would have children naturally one day with no worries. I felt very safe & secure in that bedroom & was always happy. I guess I realised how vulnerable & attacked I feel now.

Anyway ........

So developments with me are we had a consultation with Dr Braverman on Skype. He said I should have a laparoscopy to rule out endo again. I had one in 2001 & they didn't find anything. He also said I need to have all of these bloods done with DH which would help to see if we are compatible or not. It's all to do with HLA's etc. basically I could be fighting off my embies as my body sees DH's DNA as the enemy. If this is the case then I need a strong immune protocol when cycling again.

The UK consultant wants me to have - a laparoscopy, hysteroscopy & D&C at the same time!   this is a little scary as medically I don't really need them. I'm just waiting for the costs & available dates to know what we are doing. He said that even if he cant find it, it doesn't mean i don't have it & with my pain etc each month it suggests I do. 
He also said that I should think about egg donor as my history suggests [email protected] eggs! He doesn't believe in immune treatment or DHEA or antibiotics etc. Well thanks for that. Why not slap me round the face with a wet fish!   I wasn't there for you to give me that advice thanks! 

Also had a follow up with Penny. She said she was surprised we didn't get pg & our blasts were grade 1. She is happy we are speaking to Braverman & having a laparoscopy but wouldn't want us to go for the FET's as she couldn't guarentee they would survive the thaw. She said they were grade 1's too though. 
She thinks we should do another fresh cycle with the FET's as a backup, but with DH being away with work this won't be until Nov/Dec at the earliest. 

So what to do & what to think eh?

All I've got going round my head is Donor eggs at the moment! I'm wondering what I have done to produce poor eggs? 

Anyway looks like I've written war & peace. Well done if you've read this far & hope I haven't bored you!  

I'll shut up now  

Big hugs ladies.  

M
Xxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Thanks michi x


----------



## Luisa8

Hi Ladies!  

I'm still here...Sorry I haven't posted lately....been trying to keep away from FF a bit to be honest. Although there's no escape from the feeling of emptiness...I know you'll all understand what I mean, I've also felt this almost suffocating feeling of frustration when I read about everyone cycling or planning their next cycle. For all my last bfn's I've always had a plan B, I've always know I'd be able to try again and that maybe the next time would work.... this time I don't. Purely for financial reasons we are stuck and cannot even begin to think about trying again....Sometimes, when I block it out it's bearable but most of the time it isn't  

Anyway....met up with Cranky Ange (and her lovely family) last weekend which was lovely. Surprised that jet ski didn't bring on ur AF Ange  Oh and you really aren't Cranky at all   ..... wish we could have chat for longer really....

Michimoo - the tears will come....probably when you are least expecting it. It's tough makingthe move to DE....for me it was because I knew finanially there was a limit to how long I could go on and I wanted to give us the best possible shot....saying that though after 4 fresh DE cycles and 2 FET we are still in the same position....anyway I'm not helping there am I   ....I think the fresh cycles with FET as back sounds like a good plan. It's so difficult when the "experts" give us different advise. 

SL4E- Hope the scan went ok  

Didi- Welcome honey but sorry you are here.... Time will tell how you feel. So difficult to have a clear head after a bfn. Personally the only thing that made me feel better was NOT giving up... I must love torturing myself!  I think if tomorrow I won the lottery I would move to Athens and just stay there and do a cycle every month until I got preggers...hahaha I'd probably be there years  

Rach & Squirrel- really hope you're both feeling a bit better  

Lots of love to everyone ... Trumpet, Lilone, Rory, Mogster, Beth, Waikiki.....everyone else xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hey Luisa, lovely to see you. I know exactly what you mean about being stuck financially, we too were stuck in that position until we had the offer of the fresh cycle for £1400,  DH managed to get a job to cover that, and his aunt paid for my hotel, just had to borrow flight money. I'll keep fingers crossed that your lottery numbers come up until my money tree flowers with £50 notes then I'll be able to help you all out   
Thankfully I don't have gall stones! Suspect it may just be IBS,
No fancy baking this weekend, saving it for next when I intend to make a batch of very chocolatey cupcakes - in secret so that DH doesn't scoff them all cos I need them for coffee after Church.
Lots of love to each and everyone, and I do hold you in my prayers - I know how painful this rocky road is xxxx


----------



## Luisa8

Hi SL4E!!
Sorry...have to ask....how did you find a clinic willing to do a fresh cycle for 1400
xxx


----------



## Sushi Lover

Can I join please ladies?  Going through a really tough patch after 3 failed IUIs and 4 failed IVFs/1 cancelled.  Everyone else I've cycled with over the past 18 months seems to be getting their BFPs and I'm feeling very miserable and left behind.

Want to feel happy for them, but finding it so hard.  Just sit and sob and sob whenever I read about another BFP.  I feel very alone.

Does anyone else have this feeling of despair?

You seem like a lovely bunch of girls so I hope to get some comfort from people in the same situation as me.  Nobody really understands how this all feels unless you've been through it!!

xxx


----------



## Jess81

welcome Kirstylovessushi, we all know how you feel here. and those feelings are normal so don't think they aren't and don't feel bad for having them! all the ladies are lovely here and there is great knowledge so if you have any questions ask away someone will be able to help you. 

just a quick one from me i've snuck on at work... had my prgress scan today and my lining is 8.7 so all good to go! providing my snowbabies thaw on thursday!! will have ET on Fri PM! 

will catch up propoerly tonight. 

Love to all Jess xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Welcome, Kirsty, I think I remember you from another thread. Huge hugs, and hope you soon feel at home here   
Jess    
Luisa.... after we had heavily invested in our 1st fresh double donor cycle at what I found out after was a slighlty dubious clinic, we were skint, but I was desperate and googled virtually the whole of Europe! It was just a fluke that i found the clinic, a pop-up on the bottom of the screen came up 'Cheap IVF in Czech'. It's called Sanus, in Hradec Kralove, a small private hospital which does IVF and at the time I was only 3rd overseas patient! The overseas patient numbers are still small, and you get swift replies to emails etc, room to yourself after ET and a meal!!!! I had 2 x DFET, both BFN, but only £800 a go, so they offered me 3rd cycle at the new DFET price of £1400. They did the same for my friend after she had 2 failed DFET - and both of us got a positive! They had to put up their prices to fall in line with other clinics after the law changed. The consultant doesn't believe in immunes though, but I scraped through with just extra steroids and clexane. 
Hope the week has started well for everyone, especially the teachers xxx


----------



## Jess81

Just had my first deltaparin, are all the needles that blunt?! Had to stab myself 3 times just to get it in x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Welcome Kirsty, I love it too, but also burgers  

I know what you mean about good news, you are thrilled for them, but it stabs a bit too.  I found out about another pg at work today, kick in the teeth  

Jess, is that a blood thinner?  I found twisting the needle as iit goes in helped and also to breeth in, then breathe out on stab.....might be worth a try?

Hi Luisa, we understand, you need to do the best thing for you  

Michi - big decisions.  Is there a plan?

Afm still deciding on a clinic, big decisions, feeling very down, but trying to look after each other.  Just feel like I am constantly trying to get up on a bouncy castle to be kicked over, without the laughing first,

Hope you're all ok, I know it's tough times at the mo  

Lil' one


----------



## Jess81

Thanks lil one, ill give it a go! Yeah it's the same as clexane xx


----------



## Michimoo

Yes Jess if its like Clexane (ESP the ones from Greece) the needles were a lot thicker & they took a good jab to get them in. Sometimes I would start in one spot & then have to move to another area. Ouchie. Good luck.

Welcome Kirsty, yes unfortunately we do know how you feel. So sorry for your bfn. I don't think people can sympathise unless they have been through multiple bfn's .

Lil one - if you want any info on ARGC just pm me. 

Afm - Off to have bloods done tomorrow to be sent off to Dr Braverman & might be having my lap/hysto/D&C operation as early as next week!  

xx


----------



## Jess81

Thanks Mich, I had to move 3 places yesterday so got 3 little bruises from one needle!! My tummy is going to look like a dot to dot at this rate! 

Hope ur bloods are ok and that's good ur op could be next week!!
Xx


----------



## Sushi Lover

Thanks for the warm welcome ladies!

*Michimoo*.... Are you having the lap/hysto done as a 'matter of course' after your BFNs? Or do you have a specific problem? I'm booked in for mine on the 19th of Sept. I'm actually hoping they find something to remove which helps with my FET!! Bizarre to think you want to have a medical problem isn't it?! How did you find things at Serum, what made you travel abroad for your 5th cycle?

*Jess*.... yes, sometimes I feel like the worst human being in the world with the jealousy thing! Best of luck for your FET on Friday. Great lining thickness... I've always had trouble with mine... it's been about 6.5 - 7.5mm on average, which the clinic says is ok, but I still think a little thin. Did you do anything specific to thicken yours? Or is it down to nature?

*Seemslike4ever*... I think we 'met' on Current Cyclers for the 40's! Congrats on your BFP. How did you find going to the Czech Republic? I'm a bit nervous about travelling abroad and the logistics that go with it.... time off work for DP and I etc. Did you spend long there? I suppose with DE you don't have to go through all the scans, bloods, monitoring etc so it cuts the time down ?

xxx


----------



## Jess81

Hi Kirsty, to be honest i don't really do anything... there are lots of people who say to eat lots of protein and vits but i don't bother. i've been really naughty this time i haven't stopped eating anything and i've been drinking (not loads!!) and i haven't cut out caffine. i figgured that i've done all that before and it didn't help so i thought i'd try something i've not done!! i also had a endo scratch this time, if your having a hysto ask them to do it at the same time, it's supposed to trick the repairing cells so increases the blood flow to your uterus... we will see!! don't worry about the jelousy thing, we all go through it... sometimes i think it gets easy and then other times i think to myself who am i trying to kid! i am happy for certain people but then when it happens to others i sit and cry for hours!! 

xx


----------



## Sushi Lover

*Jess*.... good for you with the eating and drinking! Yes, if it didn't work last time then, I agree, it seems silly trying it all again! I've gone back to having a few glasses of wine at weekends now. Got so bored with it all... 2 years of healthy eating, no caffeine, no alcohol etc and hasn't made the slightest difference! 

I had an endo scratch done for my last IVF. I suppose it's worth asking the consultant to do another. Or do you only need it done once? Not sure. I'll see if there's any old scar tissue first.... if she removes that and reveals a 'newer' layer then might be worth doing the scratch again. I've heard some women's lining can look white under the hysteroscope, because of the scar tissue...and nothing will implant in it.

xxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

I'm all for the few glasses of wine brigade I am so bored of decaf coffee and not drinking. I did it for years and years trying to conceive and it made not the slightest bit of difference. I even wonder in hindsight whether I might've got pregnant if I hadn't given it up, I might've been a bit more relaxed lol. 

Sat in the clinic waiting for appointment to find out what my body thinks its up to. Day 52 and no AF doesnt seem a good sign to me. So penny wants me to get it checked out. I'm glad I got myself here but kind of nervous about what they are going to say. And bloods tomorrow morning. So I'm hoping I might at least know a bit more by the end of the week. It's so annoying I was meant to be going for FET end of September and haven't even got AF yet. Grrrrrr.  

Interesting Kirsty what you say about the scar tissue, but what even causes this scar tissue? That's what I don't get. Apparently I had loads of scar tissue at my hysto but I'd only had and ERPC 2 months before. Or does the ERPC cause scar tissue?  

By the way sitting in the clinic and have so far seen 4, yes 4, pregnant women. Sigh.

Ange xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

5 pregnant women. This one has a toddler with her too.


----------



## Michimoo

Are you back in Serum Angie? Saying you are in the clinic? 
Did you see my message to Rach about bringing on AF? I use Clary sage which you can get from holland & Barrett. Put a few drops on a tissue & put it on your lower belly between your knickers & trousers. You will stink though!  

Kirsty - no I'm having the procedure to see if they can find something after all of these failed attempts. I had a hysteroscopy last year & they didn't find anything, also had a laparoscopy in 2001 & they didn't find anything then either. 
I'm just trying to cover all bases again to rule everything out. Unfortunately I am classed as "unexplained"! Which basically means. We just haven't found the problem yet. Grrrrrrrrr.
Serum was good, so was ARGC but DH & I decided to try Serum as they were going to use a different drug with us & financially it was a bit kinder on the pockets! 

Jess - hope the Clexane type injections go ok today. Some days they were fine & others were a pig so just keep going.

Afm - had blood taken in London with DH & popped into ARGC to say hi to the reception manger in there as we were down the road. They are having a "look we got pregnant" gathering in the park today & the place was like a revolving door with babies & mothers beaming & showing off their bundles of joy. I did comment that I thought it was a bit insensitive & can't they remember that one day they used to sit in the waiting room at ARGC going through treatment longing for a child? 
Anyway I'm off for a glass of wine & a packet of chocolate biscuits!   I'll raise a glass to all you lovely ladies 
Xx


----------



## M0ncris

Hello Lovely Ladies,

I feel like it has been ages since I logged on though in reality it has only been a few days. Glad to hear all your news.  

Michi, I loved the AF dance.  So sorry to hear you have lost confidence, I'm always amazed how any actor can go through the audition process.  Good luck with the procedure and enjoy the wine!

Angie - I know what you mean, there are pregnant women everywhere, even at the spa I was at yesterday! I hope all was ok at the clinic.

Kirsty and Jess - I know exactly what you mean,  I am fine with those who have kids already but every time someone announces they are pregnant or have just given birth (particularly if they haven't been trying) I want to scream.  I have thrown caution to the wind and got drunk at the wedding I went to at the weekend and followed it up with visiting a spa and drinking copious amounts of tea.  

Hello sl4e and Luisa.

Trumpet and didi - hope you are doing ok?

Rach and Lil one, I hope things are alright and going back to work was ok Rach.  Lil one, I really feel for you and am sending you hugs.  It is tough.

Afm: emotional weekend, I think it takes some time to feel better and I have gone through some low moments.  The wedding was really hard but I made it through with the aid of alcohol.  DH and I had talks about whether to cycle again, me pro, him anti but are back on the same page again.  It has been difficult.  Going away for a night together really helped and it was good to put things out of my mind though tough.  Need to start the paperwork to go private, for some reason this feels like a hurdle.

M
X


----------



## rory2011

M0ncris glad you and  dh are now on the same page...hope the paperwork goes well.
Cranky ang hope your appt went well...did they find out what's going on? 
Welcome Kirsty, sorry that you are here but it's a very supportive thread! 
Jess hope your injections are going well, I found the cleaner ones the hardest and always seemed to get bruised. 

Lil one, rach, Michi. ...thinking of you, hope your plans are tough well for the next round....I am determined that its not going to beat me and we will end up with a baby! Just remind me to be this positive when I'm cycling next month! 

Hello to sl4e, trumpet, Didi, jess & Luisa  xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Rory, lovely to hear you so positive.

Hope everyone is well.
M
X


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi all

Thanks so much michi for the tip on clary sage I am definitely going to try and get hold of some tomorrow. No not at serum yet just local clinic.  Omg i dont know how you got through the look we're pregnant brigade.  i think that wouldve finished me off completely  . My scan was fine apart from lining only 5mm so doesn't look like AF due any time soon.   blood test results tomorrow. Apparently the gynaecologist said they can give me something to bring on AF, anyone know what that is or if that's a good idea? 

BTW the last woman in the clinic was truly horrible to her young son, I suppose he was about 4. And she was waiting to have a scan as was clearly very pregnant. She must have spent half an hour telling him not to get up, to sit down, to take the toy back as he couldn't play it quietly, threatening to cancel his boat trip with daddy (that's it I've had enough I'm phoning daddy now ..... Several times) meanwhile she sat there the whole time texting on her phone, chatting to her (new?) boyfriend and ignoring her son. She didnt say one nice or positive thing to him in the whole time I was there. Everything was negative, derogatory or just downright nasty. And there she was about to drop another one. Fair to say I could have easily throttled her.  

Sorry for no personals, after my delayed flight yesterday I had another 5 hours in the airport this morning waiting for the fog to clear (it's only a 15 minute flight!!) so pretty pooped now  

Ange xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

I think they can give a short course of norethisterone - a type of progesterone - to induce a bleed, i know it's been used before at my local hospital to do that. Also used to delay AF for holidays etc, you won't get AF while taking it but as soon as you stop she should appear about 48 hours later. 
I had a 'makes your blood boil' moment at hospital the other day, woman comes in with a girl about 10, and toddler in a pushchair, expecting no 5, mouthing off about how this was going to be the last etc, but her poor 10 year old couldn't do a thing right, and she wasn't misbehaving at all, ending with mother shouting 'If yer don' shurrup I'll beat yer unconcious'. Why, oh, why are such individuals so ruddy fertile?


----------



## Michimoo

And what you find is the fertile women are the ones who drink like a fish, smoke like a trooper & eat chocolate & biscuits all day!    

Jess - ET is tomorrow isn't it? Good luck sweetie.  

Afm - I'm booked in for my womb clear out a week today and I am panicking! Dont think I really want it done.


----------



## Sushi Lover

*Cranky Angie*.... lots of things can cause scar tissue apparently. Using a IUD (coil) before trying to conceive, fibroid or cyst removal, endometriosis, ERPC (like you) also, wickedly ironic ... IVF treatment?! How unfair is that? All the prodding, poking, EC, ET, investigations, HyCosy etc can cause scar tissue to form. Bizarrely, you may not start off with scar tissue being a reason for IF...but, by the time all the tests, ops, treatments are in full swing you could end up with it anyway. So they then blame that. Could just be a secondary reason rather than the primary. A woman on here who got pregnant at Serum apparently had so much scar tissue her lining was totally white. They cut it all away and she got a BFP with her next transfer. That's awful about that mother with her son. People just don't realise how lucky they are.

*Michimoo*.... 'unexplained' is just the worst thing! You almost want them to find something so they can fix it. My consultant's been blaming my age for years now... since I was 38 in fact  Yes, that is a bit insensitive of ARGC with all the mothers and babies in the same place as the ladies struggling to conceive. Do these women forget that quickly that they used to be like us? Hope the wine and choccie biccies were nice! How comes you don't really want the op hun? Just pre-op panic? It can only help remember.

*MOncris*... it can be soul-destroying with all the pregnant people and new babies we are surrounded by. I went to a friend's 40th birthday lunch yesterday and two of them turned up with small babies. Made me feel so depressed. I was the only one out of 10 people who isn't a Mum. Sorry to hear you had an emotional weekend. This whole process is so tough. Is the paperwork really long? Or are you feeling down having to write down about previous treatments that haven't worked? It can be upsetting seeing it all in black and white. I feel for you.

*Rory*... Thanks for the welcome. You sound soooo positive! Can you bottle that PMA and sell it?! Good luck with your cycle next month.

*Seemslike4ever*.... That is terrible what that mother shouted at her 10 year old. Some women just don't deserve to be mothers.

xxx


----------



## Jess81

Hey ladies, just nipping on between work and acupuncture... Just wanted to give you a little update! All 3 of my snowbabies have thawed and are all viable! We have 1 x 6 cell and 2 x 4 cell just have to get through overnight for another check first thing... All fx that we will be in at 2.30 tomorrow for ET!! Eeeekkkkkk!! Xx


----------



## rory2011

Great news Jess, hope it goes well tomorrow!


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Great news, Jess - will be thinking of you all tomorrow   

SL4E - makes me so cross, unfair ++   

Michi - good news re the proceedure, understandible you don't want it done..... none of it's fun, eh? is it a hystero?

Ange - are you back at home? sorry have lost it a bit with who is where   

M0ncris - glad the wedding was bearable, wine helped me with the one i had to go to, as well   

Hi to everyone, CUTO   

Lil' one


----------



## M0ncris

Hi All,

Jess, congrats and good luck tomorrow.  I will be thinking of you.

Kirsty, hope you are ok. 

Michi, totally understand how you feel.  It's so tough to keep going through all these procedures.  We will be with you in spirit, but if you really don't feel ready to do it, you don't have to go through with it right now.  It's up to you.

Lil One, are you doing ok? Am thinking of you.

Mogster, I hope you are ok, I was thinking today how its been a while since we heard from you.  You are missed.

Rach, is work ok?

Sl4e, Ange - am also sick of seeing people behave like that, although to be fair even pregnant women make me cross at the moment (sorry Sl4e, present company excepted)...  Am trying to be zen about the bad behaviour, and hope that they are just having a bad day...  Ange- hope the medicine is ok to take and works for you.

Rory - hope you still feel good.

Afm- I'm ok at the moment.  Plodding on and looking forward to the weekend.  Finding the weather really odd - am in London and its baking today!

Hugs to all reading and Trumpet, Luisa, Didi and anyone else I may have missed.

M
X


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Sorry I haven't been on for about a week.  Been in a bit of a funny place - don't know if its denial or self protection!  Anyway I started my cycle Sunday (buserelin from Monday and menopur from Tuesday).  Physically I feel fine but I don't really feel how I normally feel cycling.  I feel blasé and pretty much apathetic about it - neither excited or anxious.  I have been trying to not look ahead and take it a day at a time but this numbness is weird.  Anyone else felt like this.  My scans start tomorrow so maybe I will feel different then.  Not sure if this is good or bad but I certainly don't feel as stressed as usual when on a cycle.  I actually really enjoyed the two months off as it was nice to feel normal again and do all the things I like doing - even swam in the Thames on Saturday.

Anyway I apologise for missing anyone as I missed a lot of posts!

Luisa - sorry you have felt so low and understand why you were avoiding FF for a bit...I feel like that too sometimes.  I hope you are able to carry on.  I added up all that we have spent the other day and it made my eyes water.

Kirsty - welcome! If it makes you feel better looking at your egg/embryo history they are a lot better than mine so try not to feel like its hopeless.  A lot of us are in the same boat and I have just started cycle 5.

Michimoo - sorry you are having to endure even more tests and poking and prodding.  I got to a point where I didn't even want to use tampons as I was sick of stuff getting shoved up my chuff (sorry -tmi). 

Lil One - sounds like you are having a tough time in limbo land. I hope you reach a decision soon.

Moncris - glad you and your DH are feeling the same about what next again!  It's good you survived the wedding.

Rory - keep spreading the positivity.

SL4E and Ange - I hate seeing mean ungrateful parents.  Some people should be sterilised as they don't deserve kids.  My friend adopted two gorgeous sisters and she says there are so many kids who are just not wanted or abused...depressing to think about!  Ange I hope AF gets a move on.

Jess great news the snow babies defrosted successfully...good luck for tomorrow.

To everyone else - hi and I hope you are all well!

Love Trumpet xxx

Ps I too am fine with kids but I feel an aversion to pregnant women and as I live in nappy valley they are tough to avoid.


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone x
Just a quickie to say I'm still here and trying to keep up to date with everyone. I'm back to work so super hectic. I'm a teacher so trying to learn 31 new names. I'm normally good at it and learn them quickly but not so quick this year. 

Anyway I will do a longer post soon but GOOD LUCK JESS XXX

Take care amazing ladies out there 😘 x


----------



## Cranky Angie

Big hugs and good luck to Jess.    
And hi to everyone else. Trumpet glad to see you back, I'm seriously allergic to pregnant women too.  

AFM not good news really. Gynae found 5 follicles, 4 under 10mm and one of 20mm. He said my lining was very thin, it looked like someone who had just come off the contraceptive pill??  

My blood results were FSH 6, E2 29, LH less than 0.1. Does anyone know what these mean? They are seriously double Dutch to me. 

Anyway penny is now saying the follicle is a cyst (which I just don't get at all) and that is what is delaying my period and I just have to wait. But she says from my lining it doesn't look like that is due any time soon.  This is just stupid. I now have to wait and do nothing with no idea when AF will come. 

Very peed off and very cranky
Angie xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Just a quick visit to wish Jess all the best for this afternoon xx
Ange, sorry to hear your gynae bits are still not co-operating, afraid I can't decipher bloods.
Love to everyone xx
Cos of what it took me to get here, and knowing that my lovely buddies on here are struggling too, I'm very judgemental of pregnant women too, and haven't associated with any in real-life either.


----------



## waikiki

Jess - I'm sorry that I came on here a little late to wish you luck for ET, but I am sending you and your embies bucket loads of      Now go and put your feet up PUPO lady!!

 waikiki


----------



## Sushi Lover

*Jess*... good luck for today!

*Angie*... all the tests should be done on day 3 to get a true reading so not sure what the consultant will gain testing you at the end of a cycle? Having said that your fsh (ovarian reserve) is nice and low. So that has to be a good thing! Can't Penny give you something to start your AF? How frustrating just sitting waiting. What measurement was your lining? How come your are having follicle checks? Did you start stimming? Sorry, I'm still getting to know where everyone is at!

*Trumpet*... thanks for the welcome. I seem to get quantity over quality though! 20 eggs in Jan and all rubbish!!! I'd rather it was the other way around to be honest. Very annoying. Best of luck for number 5.. I hope you find that golden egg. I think your super relaxed and apathetic state of mind has got to be a bonus. Zero stress is a good thing remember. I hope it stays that way for you! Your 'chuff' remark made me laugh!

Hello to everyone else... trying to catch up with everyone's stories so I can write a few more personals soon.

Nice weekend xx


----------



## Jess81

Thanks ladies, 
Sorry for then me post again but I'm just about to dash out for a flower presentation! We won the best village baskets and frontage... We are new to the village too so it was a little shock lol! 

I'm now pupo with 2 x 7 cell embies named Gavin and Stacey lol! 
1 is an A and the other a B grade. The latter has a small air bubble in it but we are told this is fine. We have never had an A before so we are very excited although trying not to get our hopes up!! 

Promise to reply to all you lovely ladies tomorrow! 
Jess xx


----------



## rory2011

Yeah great news Jess on the flower front and more importantly on the being pupo front!

Afm positivity has gone out the window. Think af is turning up ...today is day 20! Will wait and see if it does turn Into full flow. This has thrown out my dates for my next cycle....I knew it was too good to be true that it lined up nicely with getting time off work (peeps don't know about treatment) and wedding we are going too. Oh we'll, we'll just have to get on with it if this it it.


----------



## Michimoo

Congrats on being pupo Jess  

Sorry ladies I just need a "Me" post.

Just logged on to ******** & seen that the lady I cycled with at ARGC in December had her baby this morning. I was 1 day ahead of her in treatment therefore that means I should've been having mine too.

Feel really sad  

I've never kept in touch with anyone I cycled with before so never really sat & worked out dates.

I feel like I've been kicked in the guts a little.


----------



## Rach76

Just wanted to say a big congrats to Jess x x. X x x x x x. X

And send big hugs to michimoo x x x. X x x

A big hello to everyone else too.    

Going through a difficult time again ( just for a change!!!!! Lol) so haven't been on here for a while. Still no af - on day 53 today. But will tell you all about it when I am feeling a bit better.

Love to all x 

Rach x


----------



## pinkpixie

Michimoo     it's so hard I stopped using the treatment buddies threads on here as couldn't face being only one who didn't get their bfp


Jess go Gavin and Stacey 


Xxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi rach think you and I are on exactly the same no of days for delayed AF!  I think I must be about day 53 too, my last AF was 16 july after the bfn. So I know how you are feeling. Someone suggested clary sage to bring it on. I bought some today but haven't been brave enough to use it yet. It's also a destress and relaxing oil so it would be lovely if DH could just blend it and massage me, could destress and bring on AF at the same time.  However as we are not getting on terribly well right now there is zero chance of that happening. 

Sorry michi to hear about your cycle buddy.  Talking of others, my DH helps on the lifeboat. He had to take down a fellow islander when she was 10 weeks pregnant on the boat as they thought she was miscarrying. I was 7 weeks at the time. Well they saved her baby, she had it 3 weeks ago, I lost mine at 9 weeks, would've been due now  . My cycle buddies this time are already up,to their 12 weeks, it's so hard to think that could've been me too.  

Great news Jess on the flower win and the PUPO. Lovely  

Kirsty we are doing DE so not stimming, the bloods I think were to check that I'm not menopausal which apparently I'm not. Lining thickness was only 5mm so gynae and penny said AF not turning up any time soon. It's hopeless, I am just in limbo. Penny says I just need to wait it out and relax (ha!) not likely is it?! 

Hi to everyone 
Ange x


----------



## Trumpet

Hi Ladies,

Jess congratulations on the flower show and your two embryos! Good luck.

Michimoo, Angie and Rach, sorry you are having a particularly rough time.  Nothing worse than being in limbo and feeling left behind.  A good friend of mine got pregnant from a frostie the same time I was cycling in May and of course I am happy for her but I have been through a lot more cycles than she had which at the time made me feel a bit like a lost cause and I am sure I will feel a little sad if I am still in the same position when her baby arrives. 

Rory, sorry to hear you are feeling less positive. I used to get super stressed about the logistics of it all but now I have let go as it is what it is and changes just need to be made to accommodate.  Mind you its easier for me as friends and family know and my bosses so at least I don't have to make excuses.

Mogster sounds like you are busy back at school - good luck with those names.

Kirsty, Pinkpixie, Waikiki, SL4E - hi to you all.

Afm, day 6 scan looked good but not getting excited or anxious yet.  Things have looked good before but I still get hardly any eggs of dubious quality.  Not feeling particularly negative just taking each day as it comes and for once I don't feel particularly stressed about it.

Take care all,

Trumpet xxx


----------



## waikiki

That's a little dance of encouragement for Gavin & Stacey!  (Love the names, mine are called Fred & Ginger  )

Big hugs Michi     - I had a bit of a ** shocker this week when two of the ladies that I kept in touch with from one of my early cycles posted photos of their kids in school uniforms, ready for their first day at school!


----------



## M0ncris

Hi All,

Those moments where you are caught off guard and where people around the same time that you were having treatment are having babies or have milestones are so so hard.  This week would have been my due date if I hadn't mc so I know exactly how you feel Michi and Waikiki.  Have had a bit of a cry this week and lit and candle which has helped.

Rach and Angie, so sorry to hear that the wait goes on.  It must be so frustrating.  Sorry, I don't know anything about bloods so can't help you there. 

Jess, good luck for Gavin and Stacey, great names!  glad to hear life is good with the flowers too.  It's nice to be reminded that life goes on. Waikiki, love Fred and ginger too!

Trumpet and Rory, good luck.  Taking one day at a time is really good advice.  I think it's so hard when you are going through it all as you have no control over it so all the planning that you put in place that makes you feel sorted goes out the window and makes you feel even less in control - if that makes sense...

Sl4e, thank you, I feel less guilty for being cross online now.  I didn't want you to feel excluded whilst I was moaning.

Hi pinkpixie and mogster, glad you are ok.

Afm, have been looking up holidays which is a good distraction. We have 1 week at end of sept and am currently deciding between Sri Lanka and Crete - both similar prices... Any other suggestions, somewhere hot would be nice?

Love to all I may have forgotten and hello to anyone just reading.

M x


----------



## M0ncris

Trumpet, just seen your post on ivf clangers and comments,  it really made me laugh!
M
X


----------



## Trumpet

Waikiki just realised how many attempts you had before getting pregnant! Huge respect as I have already wavered a couple of times about carrying on! Got everything crossed for you.

Moncris we have booked a place in Antigua for 7 nights in October. Looks amazing as we have a suite on the beach.  We booked through Secret Escapes.  They have great offers all at top range places and we have used them before and it was all straight forward and the place we went last time was lovely too.  It's free to join.  We figured that after this cycle we need a holiday to either celebrate or commiserate. Glad my clangers made you laugh! I have certainly had some classics.  I few times I have felt like punching people and I am not a violent person!

Love to All and enjoy the weekend!

Trumpet xxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovely ladies,

Sorry for being awol.

So much to catch up on!

Michimoo - I am so sorry you are feeling sad, and with the stress of your op coming up, it all sucks. I wish you all the best for your op, in a way if they find someing they can hopefully fix it. I dont want you having an op and pain, but it is a step forwards and you can do this! You can get through this and be strong, just like you have had to be all the way along. I will be sending virtual grapes and hugs when you are in for your op. promise to let us know when you are ok? It is always heart breaking when other people have their babies when you should be holding yours  , but one day it will be you, and we can focus on your journey for now. I know it isnt that easy. Am here for you buddy xx

Cranky Angie - boo hiss to delayed af  , the witch can be a right cow - never doing what we want her to. I hope they can suss out if you have a cyst or not, and that you can use your clary sage to good effect. I also hope you can get some support and have a better time with your dh. Limbo land sucks but you are not alone and we can rant and moan to our hearts content! Hugs xx

Trumpet - you sound very well prepared and calm for your cycle, am really glad all is well so far, and who knows what will happen this time...! Go for it xx

Jess - all sounds great! Flowers, prizes and pupo! Best of british for you hon, hope the tww doesnt make you potty xx

Rory - hope af plays the game and your dates can all be sorted out. It is so frustrating when you plan and it all goes bosums up! Story of my ivf career! Anything i plan goes completely wrong! It is lovely to hear you positive, send me some   xx

MOncris - it is so hard not to get bogged down in due dates and what if's   but I believe we will get there and our journey is just the blinking scenic route. It sucks. I love your holiday plans, both sound fab, focus on that and keep the faith xx

SL4E - really sorry for being awol! Hope you are still blooming, and enjoying life! It is weird that some people who go through ivf retain the empathy and heart of what you have been through (ie you!) and can still support those who havent reached their goal, whilst some people seem to forget as soon as they get their dream! Hugs xx

Rach - I think we have been in a similar place, and am sending you massive hugs! Let us know when you can about how you are doing. I hope the hospital have been looking after you and that your cysts have gone, and that af rocks up soon so you can get off the hormone rollercoaster... Keep strong, chin up tits out xx

Kirstylovessushi - hello! Welcome! Am sorry you are here, but the ladies are fab, we all look after each other xx

Waikiki - hope all going well with you! Your ** story made me gasp. It will be you soon enough xx

LilOne - how are you doing hon? Xx

Mogster, Didi, luisa, pinkpixie, hello, how are things? Xx

Anyone I have missed - huge apologies for being rude, head not screwed on properly, forgive me xx

Everyone - always thinking about you even if I am not on here. You know sometimes you need a break? It didnt help my computer was playing up. Excuses... You are all so strong to be even this far down the journey, so I am going to big you all up and say how brave and fabulous we are, even if we sometimes dont believe it!   to you all xx

AFM, playing game of hcg levels trying to get back to normal, plunging into menopause symptoms (the joys of premature ovarian failure, and not being allowed hrt until levels are zero, final rubbing of salt in the wound!). And to top it off, the hcg has now gone up a little, so although unlikely, am being told to watch out for ectopic pg signs, and more bloods next week. Still bleeding. Bah. Am like an unstable caged tiger, dh is circling me like I am a dangerous beast. Which I am, because who knows if it will be tears, tantrums or incessant need for cuddles! I certainly dont. Work is challenging, and most of my friends are pg, giving birth or have a new born baby. Think someone is testing me, and not sure I am winning. Onwards. Need my own chin up, and slighhtly lacking tits out! Love Squirrel xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hello ladies

Michi - that is so tough,  at work I have those too.  One of my colleagues little girl is the same age as my little one from the ectopic, and an intensely annoying colleague is pg at exactly the stage I would be from most recent mc.  She is such a trial for me, and i get updates more than twice a day.  I try to be polite but am not interested........maybe i seem keen in my attempts to not appear rude.  I am kicked in the teeth every day, makes it very hard to go some days  

Squirrel - you poor thing, we will help with the chin and tits  .  Joking aside, it is a horrible torture waiting for those levels to come down.  They also warned of an ectopic with me so maybe it is a routine warning, although low risk?  What is your strategy for getting through work? I am lucky to have a colleague who finds it equally annoying, so we debrief frequently  

M0ncris - I have never been to sri lanka, but we went hiking in create a few years ago.  We loved it, we avoided the main tourist traps and went with a company called explore, finishing on our own for a week in a lovely old hippy town called Matala - famous for turtles if you time it right.  Let us know what you decide.

Trumpet, my old clinic buddy, glad the cycle is going well  

Angie - any sign?  Have you been brave yet?  I would be a little nervous too.  Where did you hear about it?

Rach - hope you're ok  

Rory - have dates been confirmed any more?  It is so hard planning it and keeping a level of privacy.  I always try the same, although for this next cycle, I have decided to go sick.  Is that something you would do.

Jess - take care pupo lady, loving gavin and Stacy  

Hi to all of you other lovelies, hope you're all ok  

Afm we have decided to go with new life.  They do everything argc do, and it would be much less stressful due to location.  We have our initial appt in a couple of weeks.  I feel it must be an immune problem, so would want something to show up in tests.  Aside, we are going on holiday next week so packing.  Hiking up a mountain to escape....excited and scared at the same time.

Lil' one


----------



## Trumpet

Hi Ladies!

Hope you are all as ok as can be!  Feel bad for those of you with insensitive colleagues as it's hard to escape them.  I am lucky no one at work is pregnant at the moment (well a couple of guys due kids but they never say much).  One woman just married though and I have a feeling she will be pregnant soon.  She isn't the most tactful person so that could be interesting!

Lil One - delighted you chose your clinic.  Logistics and planning can be such a stress so to have less of that to worry about can only be a good thing.  Holiday sound fab - I love hiking.  Did the Welsh3000 a few years ago which was exhausting but beautiful.

Squirrel - so sorry you are having such a rough time of it and made all the more difficult being surrounded by pregnant friends.  One of the worst evenings I had this year was a dinner out with 3 pregnant friends - it was rubbish being the only non pregnant person.

Hope everyone else is ok despite all the crap you are dealing with right now?

Trumpet xxxx


----------



## M0ncris

Hello lovely ladies,

So so sorry people are having a tough time with colleagues at work and with friends.  Maybe there is something in the water....

Lil One, congrats on choosing a clinic, sounds good that they are nearby, anything that helps reduce the stress is good (and the cost...) How are you feeling now you have a plan?  Hiking sounds great, which mountain are you going for? So good to get away and have some you time.  We will miss you but looking forward to hearing about the stories when you get back.

Trumpet, ooh Antigua, sounds soooo nice.  I am signed up to secret escapes and we have done a couple of things with them,  they are really good.  Please send back stories.  How is your cycle going?

Squirrel, so so sorry to hear it is tough right now. I feel so so bad for you and am sending you hugs.  The hormonal stuff is the worst coupled with the uncertainty and grief. Doesn't help when you feel bad for th eBay you are behaving even when it isn't your fault.  Fingers crossed that it all resolves itself quickly and you are able to start again soon.  I hate all the bloods, sometimes it feels like you are a human pin cushion...  Tits and teeth, (as those who go to certain acting schools are nicknamed), it doesn't matter how big they are, I am very small too, stick them out and make the most of what you have.  Thinking of you, remember we are hear for you.

Ange, what do you do with the clary sage?  I am just curious. Hope you are feeling a little better today.

Rach, Mogster, hope the first week went well, names are sorted and you are doing ok.  Hope the hormones are sorting themselves out Rach and you are ok. Sending you both hugs,  we are hear for you when you are ready.

Rory, how are things going? Has Af turned up or are you able to replan? What a nightmare!  I have done my fair share of breaking plates and screaming into a pillow when things are going pearshaped.  

SL4E and Wakiki, hope all is going well,  have fingers crossed for you ladies.

Jess, good luck, hope the presentation went well, what did you get?  How is the wait going?

Michi, so so hard.  Sending you lots and lots of hugs.

Kirsty, pinkpixie, didi, Luisa how are you all?

Afm, so now we are thinking of Morocco, as well as Sri Lanka.  Looked on the Kuoni website which said sept/oct was a good time to go.  Lots of research as we are really tied on dates and have to move dh to Edinburgh from Birmingham in the days before (tour is moving).  Logistics, logistics.  On the one hand it's good to have all the options but on the other I just want it sorted out.  Have been feeling like it will never happen for us, esp when dh says things like 'when we have children we'll do ...' But don't want to knock his hopes.  On the other hand have been overwhelmed by people offering to help us with the costs (his parents, my parents, my brother) which is really really lovely.  We are so lucky to have people who love us and are willing to help.  

Can I ask, does anyone else have problems relaxing in sex after treatment?  I find it hard to let go and get caught up in the moment but it could just be me.

Ladies, a heartfelt thanks to you all for being here, reading, answering questions and having a sense of humour.  You have really helped me and I feel lucky to have found such a supportive group on here.

Hello to anyone I've missed.
Love
M x


----------



## Jess81

Hi Ladies, sorry I've not posted properly for ages!!! it's hard on the phone so now i'm just hanging around i can get on the laptop easier!

*Mich* - the only ladies i'm in regular contact are you lovely lot on here. this is the first cycle i've not used cycle buddies.... and to be honest i feel much less pressure!

*Rach* - Hope AF turns up soon.... that's a long time!

*Angie* - hope ur AF turns up soon too. I really hope u and DH sort things out soon, this journey is horrible and it really does test the strongest of relationships.

*Trumpet* - well done on ur day 6 scan, hope you get good news at your next one. It's weird isn't it because i feel the exact same. I think for me i just feel less pressure this time... don't know why and don't know if its a good thing or not!

*Waikiki* - thanks for the dance! love your names too! can't believe your 13 weeks already i must have missed your post after ur scan... everything OK?

*MOncris* - where did you choose in the end? love a good holiday!! we have decided if this cycle doesn't work we are off to Florence and Pisa for 4 days but if it does we will go to wales to see my aunt and uncle lol.

*Squirel *- oh hunni, i really feel for you. when it happens you just want it done and dusted!! i had a eptopic 2 years ago on cycle 3 and even now i think about it. big higs hun

*Lil one* - glad you have decided on a clinic, fx this one really give you your dreams! hope you have a lovely holiday

SL4E, Kirsty, Beth, Mogster - hope you are all well. 

Hello to anyone i have missed. 

AFM - well the wait has only just started!! now on day 3 it seems to be going quite quickly! DH is off work tomorrow so depending on the weather we are either going to the cinema or the zoo lol! i've got lots of stuff planned in for the other days too so i really hope this will be the quickest 2ww ever!! Thanks for all the comments about the flower presentation lol.. we only entered for a bit of fun as we are fairly new to the village but we managed to win best baskets and best frontage! so we won a Hoe which DH is very happy with (que the dirty jokes lol!!!) a garden fork and a basket adapter for the hose. 

xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Thanks for your thoughts ladies. Am on my phone so can't do a long personals reply ATM.
Just didn't want you thinking I was ignoring you all.

Rach - hope you are ok? Have you had your consult with Braverman yet?
Jess - glad the 2ww isn't driving you   
Squirrel -  

Regarding this lady on ******** that i cycled with in December. It's difficult as this lady wasn't a cycle buddy on this forum we actually were together for 2 weeks everyday through treatment at ARGC. If anyone knows what it's like cycling with them you basically spend 2 weeks of your life in London starting at 7:30 - 2pm. So it helps to find someone to share the boredom with. This lady was going through ivf for the first time so I kind of took her under my wing & helped her through it. As I was cycling on my own as DH was abroad I met her husband, we went for lunch daily, she used to call me in the evening for advice, I helped her mix her drugs, etc.
So I didn't have the heart to delete her from **, but I did say I couldn't meet up whilst she was pg as it would be too difficult for me.
But I've never worked out my dates before & seeing her hospital baby photos these last few days has been horrible.
Anyway hopefully one day it'll be me? 

Big hugs ladies & ill do personals later when not on phone 

Xx


----------



## rory2011

Michi, I know how you feel. There always seem to be someone giving birth when I was due...this is often friends who have had a pregnancy naturally, so hence I find it a double whammy. If my first IVF had worked, I would be having my babies 2nd birthday in the next couple of weeks. Instead a friend's baby is 2...pleased she never had to have IVF but part of me feels its so unfair. I think we all feel like that at times.

Moncris- I hope you booked your hols. we went to sri lanka years ago. It was very nice...if you go you must go to the elephant orphanage!
Lil one, glad you have made the decision re: clinic. It's just one step closer now!

Rach, hope af has turned up and the start of school has gone well
squirrel, hope your levels get sorted soon, it's hard to go through everything you have and then for levels not to play ball!

Jess, I hope you're not going too crazy yet!

Hello to everyone else, hope things are going well

AFM, AF seems to be turning up now, had started to convince myself that the bleed on Friday was implantation...but low and behold just when I start to think about doing a test and convincing myself that I could be pregnant...I have start bleeding again.  Well hopefully it will be full flow tomorrow so can call in and book a scratch for day 21. 
xx


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Just a quick one from me too as having an early night after working until 1am this morning (DH not happy).  Loads of work issues arose which knocked my schedule out so an important piece of work I had to have done by today had to get finished yesterday.  Not the best preparation for egg collection - feeling stressed and running round like a headless chicken!

Jess - glad you are feeling ok during your wait - I have also not to join cycle buddies this time.  In some ways it was helpful but I also think it whips you into a frenzy of anticipation which I just can't deal with.

Mich - having sat in the ARGC waiting room waiting to see my councillor I know exactly where you are coming from!  I found it quite stressful actually as there was loads of women chatting comparing blood results etc.  It's understandable how you feel about seeing someone you cycled with reaching the place they want to be as its just a cruel reminder that you aren't there yet.  Apart from one other friend with fertility issues I truly am the last childless person (except for those who don't want to have them).  It's hard not to feel left behind.  Some of my close friends who I lived with at Uni are on the second and third and even all the late starters had first time babies this year.  I really feel for you - sounds horrible but you have to be a bit selfish sometimes and just avoids those people while you feel like this.  They should understand.

Rory - its a shame about AF but at least you can plan ahead now.

AFM - well so much for my quick post!  Lots of follicles growing (more than I have ever had - it looks ridiculous on the scans) but as always if something good something else seems to go wrong (God when did I become so negative and whingey?); my uterus lining is very thin at only 5.9.  Its triple layer but its just not thickening up so we may have to freeze any embryos if it doesn't improve.  My oestrogen has gone through the roof at 11,600 (never been above 4650).  I don't have fluid collecting so they don't think I am at risk of hyperstimulation but I do feel a bit uncomfortable so relieved egg collection is Friday.  A bit frustrating as my uterus had massively improved since I moved to natural/ modified IVF yet even just starting meds earlier and adding in the buserelin has negatively affected my uterus.  I had thickness problems before at my old clinic when I was stimulated but that was on much higher doses.  Anyway what will be will be - not feeling overly positive but just want to get on with it.

To everyone else, hope you are ok and things are starting to look up!  Let us know how you are getting on.

Night night Trumpet xxx


Trumpet xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Hello Ladies,

Hope you are doing ok.

Trumpet, so sorry to hear that you are feeling a bit frazzled and fingers crossed that your lining gets thicker.  I hope you are able to look after yourself in the next few days and that you don't feel too uncomfortable before ec.

Rory, I hope if af has arrived she is now here in full force so you can sort out your scratch.  

Michi, how are you doing? So so hard when things come out of the blue and hit you.

Jess , hope you are doing ok with the 2ww.  I enjoyed hearing about your prizes for your flowers.

Everyone else, I hope you are ok, and for those back at work all is going well.  I also hope that af is coming soon Rach and Angie.

Afm, still no idea where we are going on holiday but have loved hearing about everyone else's plans and getting ideas from you all.  Hoping to book something this weekend so will let you know when that is sorted.  Otherwise, just waiting for my notes before I can send stuff off to argc...  I don't think I ever realised how much waiting would be involved when I started.

Hugs to you all,
M
Xx


----------



## Rach76

Day 66 and still no af! Am really ****** off . Hoping everyone is good. Will do personals very very soon. Love to all x 

Rach x


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## M0ncris

Oh Rach, am sending hugs,
M
X


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning, ladies

Rach - oh what a pain, I really hope it arrives soon so you start feeling a bit more yourself  

M0ncris - any holiday decision yet re hols?

Trumpet -   your lining is thickening up.  I used to eat brazil nuts, a few a day, and a daily glass of pineapple to help the lining

Rory, have you booked your scratch?

Michi - how are you feeling?  I have hidden feeds from so many people now, i'm running out  

Jess - how is the 2Ww treating you?

Waikiki, kirsty, Mogster, angie, ltw, squirrel, and everyone else, I hope you're ok.  It's a tough time at the mo 

Afm today's my birthday and i'll cry if i want to.....hopefully not but nirthdays are always bitter sweet.  Packing for hols tomorrow....off to Morocco tomorrow so packing to do.

Lil' one


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## Michimoo

Happy birthday lil one.

Have an amazing day.

Big hugs

Xxxx


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## Michimoo

Rach - day 66! Can the dr not do anything? 
Are you still in pain. Thinking of you xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Rach I'm day 60 today and still nothing too  
Have you contacted penny? She said to me it will come even if it is much delayed. So I guess we just have to wait? It's bloody ridiculous though isn't it.  

Hi to everyone else. Sorry not been around much, there is just not much to say at the moment with everything at stalemate, and whenever I think about it, it just puts me in a bad mood, so I try not to. I'm also annoyed that I have tried to be gluten free and go running for about 10 days now and I'm starving, and exactly the same weight I was 10 days ago. I am still taking 5mg steroids so I don't know if that is affecting things but I am pretty hacked off with the whole thing. I feel like just going back to my normal diet where I can eat and drink what I want, not be hungry and still be the same weight. 

Sorry for the me post. And sorry for being so grumpy.  I was meant to play in a golf match today and that was cancelled because I live in the worst place ever where constant fog cancels all your best laid plans.

Anyway enough grumpiness.  Sorry. Happy birthday li'l one. I hope you have a lovely day and a fantastic holiday. Things have to start looking up for us all soon don't they? 

 to Jess and trumpet that you both ok and bearing up.  Totally understand Monchris about the waiting, I think the waiting is the worst part. And you try not to think about it and get on with your life but you don't really. The whole thing seems like a waiting game, it's horrible you feel like you are wishing your life away. 

Ange xxx


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## rory2011

happy birthday Lil one. Hope you have a great day and a lovely holiday.
Rach & Ange, hope af turns up soon....are you both going for world records?!! 
Michi- just saw your post about your cat...hope you get good news from vet xx


AFM I have booked scratch for 1st oct. I need to get bum into gear now and buy some neupogen. Has anyone bought it recently...and where's reasonable to get it from? Will have to have a look through the threads to see where people are getting it from at the mo.


Hi to Moncris, Jess, Beth, SL4E,trumpet, waikiki, squirrel, mogster and everyone else who's reading and I have forgotten xx


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## rory2011

trumpet- did you have ec today? Hope it went well xx


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## Rach76

Hi everyone. 

Angie- praying af arrives for you soon. Thinking of u. I so know how it feels x x x sending hugs x

Rory- I get mine from Asda. You sound very organised and ready to go. 

Happy birthday lil'one. X hope you have a fab holiday too. 

Hi michimoo- how are you doing? Where are you in your plans? 

M0ncris- have you decided on a holiday yet? 

Afm- af has arrived!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!! I am in so much painful I don't care. I can finally move on from my failed cycle. 

A big big big hello to all the other lovely ladies out there x x x x x x 

Rach x


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## seemedlike4eva

It's busy round here!
Lil One  and happy hols.
Jess,  for you.
Trumpet, hope your lining reaches a suitable thickness in time for fresh ET. 
Michimoo, hope you recover quickly from your op, and  for the trauma you're going through with your beloved cat.
Rach, glad AF has turned up, hopefully this means your body is restoring itself.
Ange, we'll have to put a bomb on the end of  broomstick, and send her your way....so frustrating.
Rory, back on the rollercoaster  - all the best buddy.
MOncris, hope you've managed to find somewhere lovely for your holiday.
Squirrel, hope you're doing OK.
Beth, Waikiki, Kirsty, Lilirose, Luisa, pinkpixie, mogster, luckyB....and everyone dropping by   
All is well with me, can't believe I only have just over 7 weeks left x


----------



## Cranky Angie

Oh rach I am so so happy for you ...... Looks like penny was right and its just a waiting game ..... Finally you can move on. And really hoping I am not too far behind you  
SL4E can't believe it's only 7 weeks that's so exciting what's yr due date? 
Hi rory, squirrel, trumpet ..... And everyone
Love ange xxx


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Rach - so pleased AF finally turned up!  Yu must be relieved the waiting is over.

Angie - I hope AF turns up for you too.  Don't feel too guilty about the grumpiness - its totally justified.  I do feel like I wish my life away these days...always waiting for my period so treatment can begin etc. etc.  keep your chin up as hard as that is to do sometimes and if you can't have a whinge on here then want is the point!  Trying to be constantly positive wears you down.

SL4E - that is great that you are so close to becoming a Mum.  I hope a few more of us on here can join you soon as I think we are all due some luck on this thread.

Michimoo - good luck with the op and I hope your cat is going to be ok.  I too have a beloved cat so understand how stressful it must be for you

Lil One - happy belated Birthday.  I hope you managed to have a nice day and have a wonderful time in Morrocco.

Rory - well done for booking your scratch.  Also what is neupogen?

Jess - how is the 2WW going?

AFM - The egg collection went really well.  They got 9 eggs which is the most we have ever had.  Unfortunately my lining was still too thin so our embryos will be frozen.  They did ICSI on 7 eggs, as the others weren't mature and 4 fertilised so they are freezing them today. In a way I was relieved as I have had such a hectic week at work and I didn't feel as healthy as usual so delaying transfer may not be a bad thing.  We are going on holiday in October so at least I can enjoy my holiday, get myself physically and mentally prepared and hopefully be more relaxed for when we start the cycle straight after.  Only slight regret is that if my lining had been ok then we could have put 2 back and frozen 2 but it wasn't meant to be.  I hear that sometimes they don't survive the thaw so hopefully we will have one or two survivors out of the 4.  I do hope it turns out to be a blessing in disguise for us!  I guess if I am not having all the drugs and going through egg collection that can only be a good thing.  I have never had embryos to freeze before so its all new to me.  They want us to do it on a natural cycle first.  Also, what are the survival rates normally like for thawing embryos.  I know some of you have had FET's so any advice would be welcome.

We are off to see Roger Waters The Wall tonight which I am looking forward to - if only to get me out of my PJ's as I have been lazing around all day (just felt so exhausted).

To everyone else...I hope you are all well and hope to hear from you soon.  Thanks for all your messages of good luck!

Take care,

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Jess81

Hey ladies, 
Hope you are all ok! 
Rach - yey for AF!! Bet your glad and not in too much pain!
Lilone - happy belated birthday!! Hope you have a fab holiday! 
Hi ange, SL4E, Trumpet - well done ok ur 4 snowbabies, that's great news. I've had 3 FET and we have always had a really good thaw rate. It all depends on the quality ect but we were always told its highly unusual for none of them to thaw. I find it quite worrying but I think if u are doing a natural cycle it will be better. Really hope it will be good for you.
AFM - well over half way through now!! Been really quite busy and have actually had quite a good 2WW (never thought I'd ever say that!!) just hope that the outcome is what we want! We will see on Friday won't we. Not had any symptoms, not a one, nada!!! So have no idea at all. No early testing here either... Too busy this week lol! 

Hi to anyone I've missed 
Xx


----------



## pinkpixie

Trumpet have done medicated and natural fet natural is def a lot easier as u don't have to downreg although they can thicken your lining up first if needed. If you have any questions just ask. You would need to look at your clinics survival rates for frosties as it varies by clinic although we have always been lucky and ours have thawed ok and that was with them being frozen on day 3.
Jess good luck. 
Sl4e can't believe you are nearly there (bet u can't either  that has gone so quick saying that my little bubble is ending and am back to work 2wks tomorrow 
This thread has got to have some good news soon xxxx


----------



## mross

Hi ladies,

I wasn't too sure where to go and then found this little forum and thought it would help.  I'm just at the end of another failed cycle and feeling pretty peed off about it all but aware there are lots of us out there where for whatever reason we just don't have our take home baby yet!!  Ok if I join in?  I've lost 4 wee ones altogether, 2 were ectopics, then after tubes removed first ivf ended in mmc at 12 weeks, then our fet ended in chemical preg and this fet with last snow babies just ended in bfn.  It's just rubbish isn't it!!! Xx


----------



## Jess81

Hi mross,
Sorry to hear of your news! Of course you are welcome here it's a lovely group and all the ladies are great. Xx


----------



## M0ncris

Hello All,

Welcome mross,  I'm so sorry to hear of the tough time you've had.  Lots of support on here!

Jess, how is it going? It so nice to hear you sounding positive.  Will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Trumpet, sorry it didn't go as planned but hopefully your body will have a bit of time to recover before the fet.  Hope you enjoyed The Wall and are feeling less exhausted.

Lil one, happy belated birthday, hope you are having a great holiday.

Rach, great news about af.  Really pleased for you.  Angie, fingers crossed it won't be too long for you now.

Michi, I hope you are ok and that your cat is ok, I am thinking of you both.

Sl4e, good luck, looking forward to hearing good news.

Mogster, are you ok? Squirrel hope you are doing ok too?

Rory, well done for booking in.

Hello to pink pixie, Waikiki and everyone else who is reading or who I've missed.

Afm, holiday finally booked! Hurray, I am so pleased and excited.  We left it a bit late to get the best deals but are off to bodrum at end sept.  I just want to lie by the pool and relax.  Still waiting for our notes so can't move on the treatment side.  Looking forward to it as we'll need a break after moving dh to Edinburgh from Birmingham.

Love to all,
M
X


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovely ladies   

Welcome mross - here to support you, and the girls on here are fab xx

Trumpet - such a shame transfer wasnt able to happen this time but I hope so much that your body and mind are in the right place to have the fet once all is planned for the future! Having frosties on ice is a reassuring background vibe for me, hope it is for you too, big hugs xx

Lil One - how goes it? How is your hols? How was your birthday? Thinking of you xx

Michimoo - how are you hon? Been thinking about you too. What is your news? Xx

Rach - hope AF has gone away and you can start again, hoping your body plays the right game this time. Are they going to scan you again at any stage? Hugs xx

MOncris - whoop whoop for your holiday!! Can I come?! Take lots of books, enjoy some wine and have some fantastic rest! Xx

SL4E - thank you for your encouragement and contact, thinking of you and cant wait to hear how it all goes   xx

Jess - keep strong, good luck xx

Ange - has the witch got you yet? Are you ok? I should be called grumpy squirrel, so dont you dare worry about being grumpy on here! Xx

Mogster, Rory, Waikiki, pinkpixie, Luisa, everyone I have forgotten - I dont mean to. Sending love to you all xx

AFM. Finally. After ectopic scare, scans, more bloods blah blah blah, plus nearly six weeks of bleeding and spotting, my hcg is down to 7. If I stop spotting this week, I can go back onto my hrt, whoop whoop! Thinking about stopping tx for this year, focussing on us, holiday in Jan then start with the FET after that...first time ever i am relieved not to be rushing back? Is that weird? Love to all xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Squirrel, very relieved that you haven't needed any intervention for an ectopic! Breaks between cycles and living 'normally' for a while can be good - we had huge gaps, some were financial , but I had several hospital admissions for joint surgery or lupus flares, and got there in the end x
jess,    tomorrow will be a jumping bananas and pompoms day x
mross, welcome to this wonderful haven, it's just a pity that we've all met here cos we've had so much c**p x
Huge hugs to everyone else x


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone x

SL4E - How are you? How far along are you now? x

MOncris- Yippee on the holiday.  Have an amazing time. I'm very jealous. I almost wish I had gone away in the summer instead of spending all my time and money on ANOTHER cycle. Hope you get to have some relaxing time away from all the stress of IF and daily life.

Pinkpixie - How are you and your little one? 

Jess - How are you? Going crazy yet? Good luck x

Rach -  Woop Woop on AF but sorry about the pain x Finally you can move on with whatever you decide. Big hugs xxx

Michimoo - How are you? Life's hard isn't it :0( Wish I could wave a magic wand and grant everyone in this room their dream come true xxx Have you made any decisions about the future? We have lots of pregnancies at work and over the last week 2 births have been announced on our day board which is great to walk in and see first thing in the morning. Another is due tomoro and another in October. Not to mention the 21 year old who is having to delay her wedding as she is pregnant. Poor thing!!!!! Makes me angry how everyone is giving her sympathy as her wedding has to be delayed. I seem to have this ability to work out when someone is pregnant before they announce it and I think someone else is pregnant as well so another one to hear soon :0( 

mross - Welcome. So sorry you find yourself here. Everyone is lovely and they are all fab listeners and know exactly what to say so feel free to rant or ask questions 0) x

Squirrel - good to hear things are improving for you. I agree with taking a break. We have had a couple over the years and it made me feel so much better and more prepared to go again. I even had a month off EVERYTHING so I didn't have to face the monthly build up of excitement followed by disappointment even tho it would be a miracle if we conceived naturally. 

Cranky Angie - How are you? Are you still waiting for AF? I'm with you on the weight loss. I'm not good at exercising but have been trying very hard with the food and healthy eating. Was so happy I lost 3 pounds the first week but I put it back on the second week. How is that possible when I had the same food Good luck and I hope the weight drops off quickly x

Trumpet - Good news on the frosties. I had good results with frozen and had both a medicated and natural FET. Unfortunately they didn't implant but they all survived the big thaw. Have a great holiday and good luck when you go for your FET.

Waikiki - How are things with you? X

Rory - Good luck with scratch. Can't remember if you have had one before but mine was a little uncomfortable but felt fine after and even went out for dinner with hubby. Good luck with yours and hope its pain free x

Lil'one -  Sorry it's late but Happy Birthday x Hope you managed to have some fun. We all know how hard it is to grow a year older and the feelings it brings. Big hugs x Have an amazing holiday x

Hi to everyone else who is reading. 

AFM - I have been reading but only just found time to write. Well it's all busy for me with work which is a pain. Have mastered the 31 names and I know who I need to watch! 

Had my follow up appointment and mentioned immunes testing which I already knew our doc isn't a fan of. He did say however that he would like to do a hysto for free which we jumped at! He also said he would prescribe steroids for next time. We will def stay with them for now. He agreed that we have good quality and quantity of eggs with good fertilisation rates. Also we had better blasts this time including 2 frozen. We asked about the quality of the 2 frozen as they were a little behind the 2 put back in and they are of better quality than those transferred so that was some great news. So it looks like a FET towards the end of the year. 

When I read some of your stories and the success people are having it inspires me to keep going. I was hooked on my age and it creeping up but more and more of school friends my age are still having kids and there are people on here who are expecting who are 6 years older than me. So it makes me think that I need to keep going. Now I can't see me going for 6 years but I have a couple of years left. Just need to save the money.

Can I say a HUGE thank you to each and everyone of you as you have been amazing friends who have helped me so much. It is so reassuring to know that my crazy thoughts are shared by others who truly understand this horrendous journey. You are all amazing individuals who I hope one day soon have someone to call them mummy. Big hugs to you all xxxxx


----------



## Jess81

Hi girls, just a quick one from me I'll update u properly later! So today is OTD and I still have no idea.... I've had no symptoms at all... Not a one... Nada! I've got to go for bloods before 11 so I'm going to get there about 10.30 so there is less of a wait for the call. :0S 

Xx


----------



## Michimoo

Just off to the Southampton boat show to pretend I have millions in the bank & am wanting to buy a huge yacht! 
It's my first outing since my op last week so hope I can manage the walking about. 

Just popped on to say thinking of you Jess &  

Hi to all the other ladies ill log on later, must go as DH is shouting at me to hurry up & I'm tapping away on the computer to you lot!

Oops!

Xxx


----------



## waikiki

Jess - I've got all of my fingers and toes crossed for you, and the twins have too so that's a lot of fingers and toes!!     that this is finally your time.

Sorry, no time for more as I'm at work but will be back later.

 to you all.

waikiki


----------



## Jess81

thanks for all the good luck wishes but it's another BFN here! just don't know what to do next!! i'll be popping by to see how you are all going but for a little while i will be signing off. 

Good luck to all you lovely ladies, you all truely deserve happiness xxx


----------



## waikiki

Oh Jess, I'm so, so sorry my lovely.   

I know that hugs and words are not enough and wish that there was more that I could say or do.  Take the time you need to get over this disappointment and we'll be here for you whenever you're ready to come back to us.

This whole thing makes me so    angry, none of it is fair and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, let alone ladies as lovely as you and the other veterans.

Take care hun.

  waikiki


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Jess,       with you darling. Pamper yourself, you're very special and really deserve a change of fortune xxx


----------



## rory2011

Oh Jess   I was hoping  you would get good news today.
Look after yourself, you know where we are if you need us.

AFM having a mare, after a conversation with my ivf clinic saying they are happy for me to use neupogen but couldn't prescribe it (which is fine as I have a prescription from dr g) they seem to have changed there mind. I was hoping to order it soon. I have tried calling the Dr at IVF clinic but no-one was answering phone but after 6 so may not be there now but he's also off till the day when I go in for scratch. Hopefully i will see him then to clarify but I do want to scream!!!!! I thought I had it all sorted. Hopefully it is just a misunderstanding that they can't prescribe it. It's our last go so want to throw everything at it.

Hope you ladies are all well, will do a proper catch up at some point over weekend.


----------



## M0ncris

Jess, I am so so sorry.  Sending you many many hugs,  take as much time as you need, we are here when you are ready.

I will update more tomorrow and post properly.  You are all in my thoughts.

Hugs to all,
M
X


----------



## Mogster

So sorry Jess xxx


----------



## Rach76

Really sorry Jess x x


----------



## Trumpet

Jess, gutted for you!    

I was so hoping for good news for you!  I think it will do you good to have some time off to grieve and think about what to do next when you are ready.  Thinking of you.

Sorry this is so short.  I have been having such a stressful time at work.  Our holidays can't come quick enough! Thanks for all your advice regarding frosties.  I have booked a week off around the time of transfer as I had holiday to take and I am hoping having time to relax will help.

Sorry for the lack of personals but I hope you are all ok and I am   we get something going right for us on this thread as we seem don't seem to be getting much of a break from crap and disappointment right now.

Take care,

Love Trumpet xxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Jess.

Ange xx


----------



## M0ncris

Hi Ladies,

I hope all of you are ok.

Jess, as I said last night big big hugs.  Life is so so unfair! Grrrrr

Mogster, I'm glad you have got all the names under control and have your eyes on the ones that need to be watched.  Good news about your review and the FET before the end of the year.  That sounds really positive.  I am also glad to hear you are feeling better, it's so hard isn't it.

Angie, I hope af is turning up soon.  Did the clary sage work?

Trumpet,  good luck with the FET, it sounds really positive too.  Sorry work is so stressful.  Whilst going on holiday is great, it seems like all other work has to be completed before you reach the airport...  I am going through similar stuff at work. in a couple of weeks you'll be lounging near the pool in Antigua and this will be a distant memory.

Rory,  what a stress with uncertainty over treatment.  It's such a pain when they can't tell you what you need clearly.  I don't think they realise how frustrating it is to be in that position.  Good luck for the scratch,  what is it?

Michi, how was the boat show.  Did you go mad and accidentally buy and new yacht?  How is your cat?  I hope it is good news.

Squirrel, I think it is good to have a break whilst knowing when your next treatment is.  I will give your body a chance to recover.  It's so good you are feeling better.

Rach, how are you feeling now and what is your next step?

Waikiki and Sl4e, hope all is going well for you both,  you give me hope.

Lil one, hope morrocco was fab!

Everyone else, hello and hope you are well.  Apologies to anyone I may have accidently missed.

Afm, have been really really busy at work and am procrastinating today as I should be catching up with work...  I am can't wait to get away but it feels like ages away as I have to get through next week and fel like the logistics are a bit overwhelming.  Can't move on treatment as I haven't got our notes yet and am stressing because another poster said that the wait for a consultation at argc is now six weeks.  I just want to get moving on to the next step, as so far I am only managing 1 treatment per year and am conscious of time ticking.  Why is the nhs so so slow at doing things  Ok rant over.  Sorry ladies, it all comes out on here.

Lots of love and hugs to you all,
Mon
X


----------



## Michimoo

I'm so very sorry Jess. Big hugs. xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Jess - I am so so very sorry. Words that come to mind - cruel, unfair, not your fault, huge hugs, you are not alone, take time to grieve, cannot really believe the level of crap happening to us all on this thread   xx

Everyone - sorry for no personals, will be back on soon but thinking of you and love to you all xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hope everyone ok. Quickk post from me, in hospital with onset of pre eclampsia having steroid injections early delivery likely but am 31+2 and bubs almost 4lbs. catch up when i can


----------



## rory2011

Sl4e hope babe stays in a bit while longer, if not, at least they are a good weight! 

Will be thinking of you!


----------



## Michimoo

Sl4e - hoping you are out of hospital soon & bubba stays put for a bit longer.

Xx


----------



## M0ncris

Fingers crossed sl4e, I hope your pre eclampsia is sorted out and the baby stays put.

Hugs,
M
X


----------



## squirrel2010

SL4E - my thoughts are with you all, pray you are both ok and keep strong! Positive vibes for you, make sure you are being well looked after! Xx

Hey everyone, hugs for all xx


----------



## waikiki

Take care SL4E - you're in the best place for now, but am   that little one stays put for a while longer.

xx


----------



## Rach76

SL4E- really hoping you are ok. Sending you big big hugs x x x. X


----------



## Jess81

SL4E really really hope you and baby are ok and your being looked after. Xx


----------



## Mogster

SL4E sending you lots of hugs x
Take care x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Thank you my loves. Recieving very close monitoring. Just had a smug fertile office party come & shower gifts on lady in bed opposite - "in our office someone goes on Matty leave every week". Of course my heart goes out to the girl who may be the one of us in that office


----------



## Cranky Angie

Look after yourself SL4E 
Ange x


----------



## Trumpet

SL4E - thinking of you and hoping your condition quietens down and your remain stable.  Keep calm and you and your baby  will be just fine. 

Take care and keep us posted.

Hope everyone else is ok.  Not much to say my end just stressed at work.  Hope we all have something to cheer up about soon.

Trumpet xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Thank you for all the good wishes. Good news, I'm stable enough to go home on bedrest, scan shows healthy LO, but warned they may deliver any moment if more problems. Got to come back for monitoring almost every day! I'm really hoping that there will be some breakthroughs on this thread, it says we've had over a million reads, and going to Hell & back you ladies really deserve success xxx


----------



## Rach76

Glad you are doing ok SL4E and LO is all nice and healthy. You take care and relax . Everyone seems to be going through hell on this thread at the moment so a couple of breakthroughs would be lovely. We have had a million reads- really ?!! -- how do you find that out? It's because we are all such fantastic lovely people 

A big hi to everyone x. X x


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies
You've had a busy few weeks, sorry for not catching up with you all......give me time!   
SL4E - so glad things are settling - take it easy now   
Jess - i am so sorry this is so tough   
Squirrel - the wait for the dropping hcg is a horrible one   , totally understand your need to have a break from this.
Rach - hooray for AF.... who'd ever thought we'd be saying that?   
Trumpet - good news re ec, a good number too.,  I think it's around 50% success for day 3 embies, so you have a good number   
Mross - welcome, hope we can help   
M0ncris - enjoy Turkey, let us know how you go.
AFM back from hikinh in Morocco.  Did us good to totally escape, but back to reality with a bump.  New clinic consult today, we are expecting pretty much everything they can throw at us, and it begins with a load more tests on both of us! - welcome home   !!
Hope you have good weekends, ladies
Lil' one


----------



## seemedlike4eva

At  the very start of the thread are some stats, I,m not Brill with big numbers but it tells you how many reads & posts there are. Couldn't agree more that on here are among my nicest cyber friends xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Just popped in quickly to check on you all and spread some babydust... So sorry to hear about the recent BFNs... My heart goes out to you ladies... 

SL4e... Rest hun... Its supposed to help! 
I'm on preeclampsia monitoring myself as my doppler indicated high resistance in the bood flow and bilateral notches on both uterine arteries at 24w -  i decided to start taking my baby aspirin more seriously since then and have been taking it on a daily basis now ( i would miss a pill or two occasionally b4 the dopler)..  touch wood  at 29w the resistance has buggered off, BoB measures in the 50% (49.7)  i'm still being scanned every two weeks for the stupid preeclampsia... Hope it stays away! 
Xxxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Hope everyone is as well as they can be. Thinking of you all.

Ladies, I need to rant ......,    

I've just had our follow up on the phone with Penny & she's advised that there maybe a slight sperm issue & next time maybe we could try a few DS to see if that makes a difference.

This is the first time in 5 attempts that anyone has said there could be an issues with sperm ( even though I've always had a niggley feeling there was) so I'm actually quite relieved.
The finger has always been pointed at me. On attempt 2 they suggested DE.
It's been really hard to deal with to think that I'm the issue when all DH kept saying was "I'm alright all the tests say I am" ! " I'm ok no one says there's a sperm issue" "I'm ok cause they used ICSI" ........

Our embryos slowed down after day 3 & I said to DH that it indicates a sperm issue at the time & he disputed it because none of the consultants has said he has a sperm issue.

Even my Accupuncturist has said he thinks it my DH that's the issue. 

Anyway to cut a long story short we get off the phone & My DH has flipped! 

He would be ok to do DE but not DS! Because it wouldn't be a part of him. I said but DE wouldn't be a part of me& he said yes it would you would carry it!!!   I said not biologically & he said yes it would just not genetically! 

That is his justification & he is sticking to it. I'm tamping, fuming, raging!  ( quietly as I can't be arsed with an argument) 

Sorry I need to rant. Any thoughts? Am I being unfairly angry?

M
Xx


----------



## moomoocookie

Hi michimoo, 

I have been following this thread for a while but I don't post much, I wanted to post in response to you as I think our situations with dh are pretty much the same.

You are in the exact same situation I was in with same argument with dh.  My dh was adamant there was nothing wrong with his sperm.  And his argument was the same as your hubbies, to be honest I never looked at it like that so I had to respect his thought process.  However, the planning side of me never gave up and I spoke to him about adoption which he wasn't against.

So I went back to donor sperm and said why is that any different to adoption  , donor egg and sperm actually carries the added bonus of us adopting at embryo stage rather than baby or child stage and we get to bring that child up from day one.  I must have caught him on a really good day as he could see my point and I did validate his again.  We agreed to do 50/50 with his sperm and donor sperm and his only request was on transfer day the clinic and I never told him what was put back or how his did so him pride stayed in tact.

It turned out the super sperm he had were not so super, I had 15 eggs collected from donor, 7 fertilised with donor sperm and 8 with hubbies, on day 2 hubbie had 3 left and donor had all still going strong, on transfer day, which was day 5 hubbie had 1 left and donor had 4 top grade ones.  

I am now pregnant with who knows what and to be honest I don't want to know either, I'm just happy to finally be here after my 4 the round of Ivf.


----------



## rory2011

Oh Michi, rant away. 
Hopefully he'll calm down to have a sensible conversation...do you think he'd go for double donor or the option like moomoocookie went for where both ds and dh's sperm is used?

i'm about to start again, going for scratch tomorrow. i am dreading this cycle as if it doesn't work i am not sure what we'll do. 

love to you all xx


----------



## Michimoo

Moomoocookie ( love the name ) congrats on your bfp & thanks for your comments about your DH. At least I don't feel like I'm the only one battling with this compromise or lack of from DH.
We've talked about DE briefly & he's not been 100% happy but woułd do it if it was the last resort but my Goodness I was gob smacked at his justifications this evening.

I guess I will just give it some time to sink in that maybe there might be an issue his end & it's not all me!

Rory - good luck with treatment. Which clinic are you at?

Sl4e - glad you are home now.

Hi to all the ladies. xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

michimoo, even though initially our problems were 100% DH and azospermia, he was never truly happy about using donor sperm, even though the counsellor pointed out it's a few cells to start the process...Men! Once we decided to use donor egg + donor sperm, he has been 100% on board as the child is equal to each of us, and he now doesn't give 2 hoots about those 16 cells we were given. I really hope that your DH will begin to alter his thinking, but they do take longer than us, then think it was all their idea in the first place! I hope you haven't chucked your beautician's number, cos the time will come my lovely when you will need her services. You won't be able to see it, let alone do any grooming   .
Rory, hope your scratch went well, and hasn't left you too uncomfortable, and most importantly that it works its magic for you.
Moomoocookie, congratulations on your BFP, wishing you a happy, healthy pregnancy.
Lil One, hope the consult went well and that you're both up to whatever they throw at you.
All calm at my house, but we are about to collect the dogs from our friend who had them while I was incarcerated!
Thinking of everyone xxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Michi I totally understand, my DH said exactly the same, even though we have done 3 rounds with DE, he can't deal with the DS because I quote "would be having another man's baby"  Such stupid stupid machisimo pride.  Meanwhile we have one DS together and he has two children from ex wife.  Ex wife not really terribly interested in child 1 and 2, so who ends up with the 2 kids all summer, all holidays,  ALL monies paid for private schools, clothes, holidays, phones (need I go on) comes from me and DH .... oh hold on, am I bringing up another woman's children here?  Do you see me objecting?  They make me furious they really do.  We still have 3 on ice but Penny has mentioned to us the possibility of a sperm issue here so if this FET doesn't work, we will be where you are.  It actually makes you feel like just lying to them to be honest, but I'm not sure I could do that.  But they do deserve it.  Big big    totally understanding your rant and the unreasonableness of it all.

Great news SL4E that you are all good  

AFM still no AF, Day 80 tomorrow.  I am off for another scan.  Penny told me AF would come eventually but I am sick of waiting, feel like I've been pumped up like an enormous football and just want to get on with this blimmin FET. So god only knows what they will find at the scan tomorrow but at least I might have a bit more of a clue what's going on.  Penny hasn't replied to me telling her I am going for a scan, hope she's not cross as she said it would come in time, but I am just cheesed off. 

2 rants from me.
1.  A woman at a party Sat night told me I HAVE to give up IVF as she gave up (unsuccessful) after 4 attempts at the age of 49 and it was too destructive to continue.  Why do people tell you what you HAVE to do?
2. DH told me today that IVF is a constant drain on our resources and he will be glad when its finished  (bear in mind I pay for all the IVF, scans, bloods everything and can only work part time as we have DS and there are no full time teaching jobs where I live right now, plus it would be pretty impossible to get time off for treatment).  This is also the man who had already has 3 children to my one.

Blimey, not been on here for ages and massive rant. Oops   hope everyone is OK.

ange xx


----------



## bethholm

SL4R- thinking of you an hope that your little one stays put for a bit longer.My BP was sky high toward the end so I too had the steroid injection. Thinking of you.

Sending massive massive hugs to all my wonderful ladies on here and hello to all the new ladies- it is THE most supportive thread on here.AFM- currently in work hell at the moment hence my absence on here- but you all are not far away from my prayers and thoughts.

Much love
B xxx


----------



## Jess81

Hi Ladies, 
I'm back and raring to go! We have booked an appt at wessex and we are also going to look at CRGW in wales... anyone at CRGW or been with them? we did look at Serum but i just don't think we are ready for the abroad tx yet... i'm worried i will find it too compicated and it's incredibly difficult to move sperm and i'm not sure we will get another good enough sample! 

sorry for the me post how is everyone? xx


----------



## Sarapd

Hi Ladies
Can I join you please? I've had 2 failed fresh cycles and 1 failed FET. We're looking to do natural or modified IVF next with Create. I'd be interested to hear anyone else's experiences of there.
Jess - I've done 1 fresh cycle and an FET with CRGW. They are really good and we've got our follow up with them on Monday so will discuss natural IVF then.
I've actually been following this board for ages as I posted a while ago about low progesterone. You ladies are so seton and inspirational. I just pray we all get there in the end.
Much love.
Sara. xx


----------



## Jess81

Hi Sara, 
think we were on the recent cycle buddies thread together, sorry to hear your cycle was unsucsessful. thanks for the tip about CRGW. i don't know about Prague sorry but i'm sure one of the lovely ladies on here will. 

xx


----------



## rory2011

Welcome sara, sorry you are here but we are a nice bunch of ladies!

Jess, we looked at CRGW but decided to go to Athens for our immune tests.  I too wasn't brave enough, or had enough annual leave to have treatment at Serum.I am currently cycling in the midlands.


AFM had scratch on Tuesday now waiting for af to turn up, then it's all go. i am quite scared about this one! Got the neupogen sorted too

Anyway must go, love to you all and have a good weekend!


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Sara, welcome. I don't know anything about that particular clinic but my whole experience of Czech treatment has been very positive, I went to a hospital with an IVF unit for Czech nationals which only started overseas patients in 2010, and has got myself, best friend & at least one FFer pregnant.
Rory, all the very best, and for you too Jess, as you start up again.
Ange, any clues yet from scan as to AF's whereabouts?
Rant Alert! Back in hossy, not a problem, safest place but friend visited and said"Our GP sends his regards, but you'll never guess what he asked  me, how did you guys concieve?" Told him I didn't know, I don't have a camera in your bedroom". The long-timers on here know just how quiet we have kept the IVF, & even kept as much as possible away from GP. If I didn't have to keep my BP down, I wouldn't be responsible for my actions.
Beth, hope work situation improves.
Wishing everyone a good weekend, and maybe, just maybe, a miracle conception or two xxx


----------



## Sarapd

Thanks for the welcome ladies. Create is in London not the Czech Republic! 
SL4 - I'm sure you in the right place. Can't believe how indiscreet your GP was but you're right to let it go at the moment - you've far more important things to worry about.
Hope everyone has a lovely weekend - I'm about to crack open a bottle of red after just doing a 2 mile run so I feel like I've earnt it!
Lots of love to you all.
Sara. xx


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone  
Hope you are having a great weekend. 
Welcome to the new ladies and sorry you find yourself here. You will find some lovely people who give fab support and advice.

Michimoo lots of hugs lovely. I hope DH has calmed down and you both have time to think and decide the next step which works for you both. Fingers well and truly crossed for you.

So it's a bit of a me post but I've just realised that it has been nearly 2 months since our BFN and still no tears! Now that either means 1) I'm immune to it all now (can't see that ever happening) 2) It's still building up and it will show it's self at some point (doesn't feel that way) 3) Who knows Any ideas? 

I'm not one to talk about it really apart from on here and maybe it's been easier to deal with as we didn't tell anyone except for my friend who works at GP surgery so would find out anyway and my best friend who I haven't seen as she is expecting number 3 anytime now. Maybe it's the not having to tell anyone that has made it easier? 

Anyway on to the next step. 
Hugs and lots of luck to each and everyone of you whatever stage you are at x


----------



## Michimoo

Right, well I have just sat with a pen & pad to go through the last few pages so I can do personals.
Here goes............

Sarapd - welcome to our little family & sorry you find yourself here.   I think lil one went to Create for her last two attempts & had a good experience? 

Mogster - don't worry, I haven't cried either this time which is weird. I am convinced that I could explode at any given moment. I do worry however that once DH leaves to go back to work & I'm left on my own, I may break. I'm very good at the old stiff upper lip & not showing my emotions, hey I even convince myself I'm fine most of the time   I know exactly how you are feeling. I don't think it's acceptance of our situation & I don't believe it means we are not upset. Tbh for me it's just numbness. I think I'm so used to disappointment these days that my brain has decided a different way of coping this time.

Sl4e - hope you are out of hospital now? Miracle conception?   not in my camp I'm afraid! No such luck.
As for your comment on "how you got pg". I find it amazing how people think they have a right to even ask about your sex life with your other half. I wouldn't dream of asking any of my friends.
Ill give you an example: my friends step brother, who I have met twice in my life as a "hello" asked her the other day if I didn't want children as I'd been married for over 3 years & hadn't got pg! Wtf? 
First of all, who are you?
Secondly, what business is it of yours?
& thirdly, yes I do have SEX with my husband thank you very much as basically that is what you are asking! 
Some people! Grrrrrrrr

Rory - has AF turned up yet? Are you cycling at Serum or did you just go there for some other stuff?

Jess - fingers crossed on choosing a new clinic. I know it can be quite daunting but just go with your instinct & where you feel comfortable.

Beth - hope work is getting better for you? How's LO?

Cranky - thanks for your comments about your DH, at least I know I'm not the only one that is banging their head against a brick wall!  
Penny has advised not to use our FET as they were 6 day blasts so 1 day delayed. She has said to do another fresh cycle & have those as back up.
Has AF arrived yet? Did you try the clary sage?

Lil one - so which clinic have you decided to go for? When do you start?

Lucky B - hope the preeclampsia is keeping at bay?

Squirrel - have you booked your holiday yet? If so, where are you off to?

Rach - hope things are moving your end?

Hi to trumpet, m0ncros, Wakiki, Pinkpixie, luisa, lily rose, mross & anyone I've missed out.

Afm - still waiting for DH to get his dates for work & waiting for AF to see how that fits in with his schedule before we can plan out next cycle. 
The   issue has been shelved for the time being so I am just leaving things at the moment. One development is that there seems to be a slight immune issue with myself which would mean higher doses of steriods & neupogen next cycle. Oh the joy of it all!

CUTO ladies! Or if your a little bit flat like me CUBO (chin up, butt out) as that seems to be bigger of the two on me these days! 

Xxxx


----------



## rory2011

Just a quickie fro me...af turned up at weekend so we have jumped on the rollercoaster again! 
Starting to get twinges in my ovary already..seems a bit quick as usually I don't produce many eggs and only on 150!

Mivhi, we stayed with our local clinc but doing immunes. I have neupogen and will be taking alongside intralipids...so hoping this is the magic treatment for us. Although i was hoping asda could get me the vials but they have only managed to get the syringes. I was hoping to inject daily but looks like I'll have to take one syringe every 4 days....anyone had any luck with decanting neupogen from the syringes?

Best get on,
love to you all!


----------



## Cranky Angie

Rory
Penny said I could put the neupogen prefilled syringe into a clear glass vial and draw it up into an insulin syringe. However, other  people have said the puregon pen is easier so I have asked Maria at serum to send me one. You could ask her for one or there is also someone called rosey on ff who has one. She was going to send it to me but don't think I need it now if Maria is sending me one, 
Ange x


----------



## M0ncris

Hello everyone,

Nice to see all your news and hope everyone is ok.

Turkey was a bit chilly but great to get away and exactly what we needed.  I found myself missing you guys but wanted to have a bit of a break from everything, particularly as barts sent my records to the wrong address and I couldn't send everything off to argc before I left.  I am going in to collect them tomorrow in person and then hand deliver to make sure they get there...

Rory,am keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Sorry to hear all the arguments around sperm.  I can't quite keep up with what goes on in dh's mind so I completely understand where you are all coming from.

Trumpet, is all ok?
Jess, so glad you are back, good luck with the clinic.

Sl4e, how are you getting on?

Angie, hope af has come and the scan was ok?

Michi and Mogster, the emotions will come out when they need to, hopefully you will be in a safe space when they do so you can just go with them.  Take care of yourselves.

Hi Sara, Beth and Moomoocookie.

Lucky, hope the pre eclampsia stays away.

Lil one, how was the new clinic?

Hello to everyone else, hope you are all ok.

Love and hugs,
M
X


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Sorry I haven't been on for a while.  Work was manic and I also wanted to switch off from it all for a bit.  Had a week off work which has been great and off to Antigua tomorrow for 8 days so really looking forward to that.  I will respond more personally when I get back as I am heading to bed as early flight tomorrow.  Sorry to hear everyone is having quite a challenging time at the moment with Husbands, sperm, annoying friends/relatives/acquaintances, risks of preeclampsia, new clinics and AF not turning up the one time you wish for it!  I desperately want some good news to happen for all the lovely people on this thread.
Sara - I am with Create and I think they are great so if you want to know more let me know.  I had a follow up this week and we are doing a natural FET with my embryos in a couple of weeks.  I have booked holiday for then as during the last cycle I realised that juggling work (which is v busy at the moment) with IVF is proving to be very difficult and frankly exhausting.

Anyway I wish all of you fantastic people a great weekend and I will be in touch after my hols.

Take care!

Love Trumpet xxx


----------



## rory2011

Have  a fab holiday Trumpet....sounds like you need it!

SL4E...hope all is well with you and babe...any news yet or still monitoring?

AFM had scan yesterday and have about 5-6 follicles but one is big already(i think she said either 16 or 18...my brain/memory is really not with it at the moment), going back on Monday for another scan then will find out when ec is. We had similiar no's and experience  last time and ended up with 8 eggs....so hoping for similiar again. Have been warned that if not enough then we won't be going to blast, which is fine as that didn't work the last 3 times. Had intralipids too, was worried how I'd be but it was fine!!

Will catch up in a bit...nearly time for my next inj.


----------



## Michimoo

Good luck Rory. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Wow Trumpet you lucky lady, enjoy your holiday. ☀👙


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovely ladies,

Sorry for being awol! Been caught up trying to deal with in laws, family, work, emotions, going back onto hrt and being a psycho again  , and battling a wee bit.

Will try and do personals another time but just wanted to say...

Havent forgotten you, C.U.T.O and am thinking about each and every one of you xx
If you are taking a holiday - enjoy!!! Xx
If you are taking a time out - hugs and hope you are working through it all xx
If you are doing treatment - go for it, wishing you all the very best for this time, you deserve success xx
If you are about to give birth - wishing you all the very best, cant wait to hear the good news xx
If you are happy - brilliant! Savour the moment! Xx
If you are sad - you are not alone and huge hugs for you xx
If you are having dh battles, for me, it was about doing my best to let him battle his male pride on his own, but pointing out the moving of the goal posts - happy for DE so why not DD. Male pride is strange, and it amazes me how they can be happy for donor egg but baulk at the idea of donor sperm or even any male related issues, perish the thought! Remove the arrogance, the pride and at the end of the day, all babies are different, and the end goal for me is a baby regardless of where it came from. It is soo freaking hard....ho hum. Support from me xx
Keep strong and sorry for not being here - needed some time to process things and make a few decisions. Back soon, love Squirrel xxxx


----------



## Jess81

Hi Ladies, 
how are you all? I'm going to have a little whinge as i'm feeling a bit down today  had a friend announce her pg yesterday, a birth announcement from a lady at work today and another pregnancy announcement at work today... to top it off one lady said oh there must be something in the water!! everone just seems to be getting pregnant... i am happy for them but it hard!! 

sorry for the moan 

Jess xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

A quick visit to let you know Tabitha arrived this morning by planned c-section, 34 weeks, weighed 4lb 12oz, doing well but I'm stuck in high dependcy unit still as BP has been out of control over weekend hence delivery. Lots of love to everyone xx


----------



## Jess81

Huge congrats SL4E!! Love the name too!! Hope all goes well and ur able to be at home soon xx


----------



## Sarapd

Congratulations SL4E. Hope you're both home soon.
Sara. xx


----------



## Michimoo

Congrats Sl4e what a beautiful name! Shucks & there i was thinking you were naming her michimoo, squirrel, Rory, lil one, Beth, jess etc...  

Jess - I know how hard it can be. Sending big hugs. 

Afm - I'm having a horrible time. I'm having a biopsy for a melanoma & I'm petrified & devastated. Not only could this mean the big C, but also an end to us ever having children. 
And I thought that ivf was our big worry not this! 
My DH leaves next week & I'm worried sick that maybe the humira & max drugs etc have caused this.
I just can't believe my bad luck. Someone upstairs hates me & I'm not sure what I've done to deserve this!


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Oh michi.... Not what you needed hun... Keeping everything x-ed its nothing sinister

Wow! SL4E! Congrats hun! 

Love to all! 
LPB
X


----------



## rory2011

Congrats sl4e fab news and lovely name. Hope you feel better soon xx
Michi, hope it's not a melanoma and is benign. 

Jess, announcements always come in droves and make us feel crap. 
Xx


----------



## Jess81

Oh mich, everything crossed for u that it's good news hun!  

Thanks ladies, it is bloody hard and they all seem to come in 3's!! Xx


----------



## Rach76

A very big congrats to SL4E! Yay!!!!!! So pleased for you. 

Michi- praying everything will work out ok for you. Sending u big hugs x x


----------



## pinkpixie

Sl4e huge congrats bet you can't believe she is finally here love the name and that is a good weight for 34wks is she in special care?


----------



## M0ncris

Sl4e- congratulations!!!! Great news.  I wish you all every happiness.  I hope your bp is sorted out soon and you all get to go home.

Jess, that's tough.  I hope you are ok.

Michi, I'm so sorry to hear that about your tests.  When do you get the results? Fingers crossed everything is ok.  You are in my thoughts.

Rory, hope all is going ok with the tx.

Many hugs to you all.
M
X


----------



## Cranky Angie

Congratulations sl4e loving the name  

So sorry mich ... Sending you big hugs. God talk about kick you when you are down, but you will be an amazingly strong person when u are through with this. And don't best yourself up about the drugs, there are tons of ladies on here taking all those drugs without the melanoma .... And tons of ladies with melanomas taking no drugs. I think it is just bad luck. But you will be ok.  Think how strong you are already from the ivf, you will pull through this one, I'm sure.  Big big hugs 


Ange xxxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies

Congrats SL4E, hope you both get home soon 

Michi - when is the biopsy?  Don't forget that for people having a biopsy like that, a lot will be a negative result for c.  I know that doesn't make you feel any better, but I hope the results come back soon for your peace of mind.  

Jess - it seems like it's everyone else, I know  .  I have just 'unfollowed' someone else on bragbook....baby number 2 following 2 perfect years after number 1, last week it was a twins announcement....and people seem to moan about it....life is truly unfair  

Afm, sorry for being so awol..... we got back from hold a couple of weeks ago and have found it very hard to slot back into life again.  Currently going through some immunes testing, and dh having further sperm analysis.  We will see if anything comes back abd then make a decision.

Sending   to all you lovely ladies, it feels a tough time  

Lil' one


----------



## Michimoo

Thanks ladies for your thoughts.

I couldn't wait any longer on the NHS so even though we are not insured I frantically phoned around & went private today.
I've now had the biopsy & it's a waiting game. I'm going   I can't think of anything else. 
DH leaves on Monday & my parents are on holiday for 2 weeks so I will be getting my results on my own next week.
I'm so scared. 
Please   for me &   it's not anything sinister. Every positive vibe is appreciated as I'm feeling very picked on by him upstairs & I'm not sure what I have done to deserve this massive blow.
Just can't believe it.


----------



## squirrel2010

Huge congrats SL4E!! Xx

Michi - you brave sausage. I am so very sorry that you are having more rubbish thrown at you. I had an excisional biopsy on a suspect mole a few weeks ago and luckily it was fine. I am throwing huge amounts of positive vibes your way, so you get the same good result. Keep going one day at a time and if you need us - of course we are here. Text me, you are not alone and one way or another, you will get through this. Keep us posted and rant away about how bad luck seems to appear all at once  . It sucks and you dont deserve this. Xx

Everyone - hello and huugs for all, hope something turns up in a good way, for everyone as soon as possible. I am on a waiting game after the early miscarriage, not allowed to do anything until December and there is no point rushing off before Christmas. So limbo land for me. Will keep a beady eye on you all though xxx


----------



## Mogster

Hi all,

Michimoo I am sending so many positive thoughts your way and I have everything crossed for good news x

Lil' one hope all the tests give you the answers you need x

Jess I am so with you at the mo. We have had 5 babies at work in 4 weeks along with 2 pregnancy announcements. On ******** I've seen a twin birth (1st time IVF) and now a cousin has announced her second pregnancy. Her first baby is 6 months old and she is 12 weeks already! NOT FAIR!!!

Sl3e congrats x

Hi to everyone else x

AFM I'm feeling a bit rundown so feeling a bit delicate. The recent announcements are not easy to take. I've seen so many pictures of babies and held a few as well and I'm not sure I can cope much more. Finally AF appeared after a long wait. Maybe those tears from August have worked their way up to the surface and are threatening to burst out.


----------



## waikiki

Hello ladies,

Just popping on quickly to give Michi a huge   I can't imagine what a hard time you must be having.  Please don't beat yourself up over the immunes medication, as Angie said there is absolutely no reason to link the two together.  I know it must be really hard, but try to stay positive - thinking of you hun.

Jess - big hugs for you too hun.      I don't know why pg announcements always seem to come in waves but they do, and it makes it so much harder to deal with when you just feel like you're being flattened by one after the other.

SL4E is a mummy at last!!!!           Congratulations sweetie, I hope that all's well with you and your beautiful little girl.

Sending tonnes of     to all the other lovely veteran ladies.  Although I don't post as often as I used to, you are never far from my thoughts and I am     that each and every one of you gets the beautiful little bundle you deserve very soon.

CUTO ladies!!

 waikiki


----------



## rory2011

Oh Michi, hope your results come back super quick with fab news. We are here for you xx

Afm had ec yesterday and got 7 eggs..one was immature and 3 have fertilised abnormally, so we only have 3. Not sure how feeling about this....I know I only need one but   That the 3 keeping going overnight. Might be having transfer tomorrow or sat...deffo not going to blast.


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi ladies! 
Rory hope yr 3 made it through the night, have you had ET yet? 
 michi that everything works out for you and you get the good news you so deserve    
Hi to Mogster, squirrel, li'l one, Waikiki. 
AFM started my FET meds today. Things not good with me and DH he thinks this has to be the last, I'm not ready to give up. We've reached a total stalemate, this is the third night in separate beds, heading into another weekend started with a row here again. Really really not good.  

Ange xxx


----------



## rory2011

Ange, I hope things get better between you and dh soon. 

The 3 survived and I am now pupo with 2x day 2's. Am already going mad. Woke up in the night very hot...I tend to get hot anyway so now driving myself nuts that I got too hot and have killed them off!  It is going to be along 2 weeks. 

Just a quick qu, will have a look on ff for advice...but what is the best way for clexane injections. Took my first one last  night and have ginormous bruise. I think I mastered it finally after a week last  time but can't remember the technique! 

Hi to everyone else, hope you are doing ok. Michi, thinking of you. When do you get your results?


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Rory, not sure there is a technique I bruised really bad the key is not to rub the area when u take the needle out. I found I had to pinch really hard or it hurt more. The more taut the skin the easier it was. Xx


----------



## rory2011

Thanks Jess, I didn't rub as I know that can cause more bruising....will see how it goes tonight. Just don't want to end up with hardly any places to do it in a few days time!


----------



## Michimoo

Rory congrats on being pupo. I have everything crossed for you.

xx


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Michimoo - so sorry you are wading through so much crap right now.  Hoping you get the biopsy results soon and that whatever it is is benign.    Got everything crossed for you.

SL4E - so pleased you are finally a Mum! Enjoy this time as you waited such a long time for it.  I hope you are well enough to take your darling Girl home soon.  

Rory - congrats on having your embryos on board.  I am just awaiting my period then will start a natural FET cycle.  I have 4 frozen at pronuclei stage so hoping the first two survive the thaw.  Good luck  

Cranky Angie - sorry you are having such a tough time with DH!  You don't need that stress and additional pressure.  I never think its a good idea to decide a cycle is a last chance while you are going through it as it piles on too much stress and pressure.  I hope you both can get back on track so you can focus on the cycle rather than what next.  Take care of yourself.

Jess - hope you are surviving the PG announcements.  I have been there many times and its rubbish as I always feel it emphasises my inadequacy.  I am off next Saturday to what I thought was going to be a small gathering of close friends which now seems to have changed into a baby/toddler Halloween party with a wider audience.  Although I was always going to be the only childless person - at least at first I thought it was only going to be friends who are aware of my situation.  Can't be arsed with strangers asking if I have kids.  I only wanted to go because one of our friends is coming over from France and I haven't seen her for 3 years.  I can see myself "being awkward" if I get any stupid comments.

Waikiki - glad your pregnancy is going well.  We cycled on the same thread back in June.  I really suffered after that BFN but feeling a bit more positive for now.

Squirrel and Mogster - sorry you are both having a tough time at the moment.  It's not good when you are in limbo land.  Hang in there!

Lil One - good luck with the tests and I hope you can get started soon.  Must feel like you are starting all again but at least it might rule stuff out.  We are just back from holiday and I am dreading going back to work tomorrow.

Hi to everyone else I may have missed (apologies).  Its hard to keep up after being on holiday.  E had an amazing time in Antigua.  It felt like a real proper break.  We fell in love with the Island and the people who were lovely.  We stayed at the most lovely resort that I can't recommend enough if any of you need  real place to escape.  It's called Galley Bay Resort and Spa and it was in a beautiful setting with the most amazing beach.  It was so peaceful and tranquil and never felt crowded.  The food was amazing and the staff were fantastic. Just what we needed and we will definitely go back.  The only problem is we felt so rested and happy and now I feel so depressed about returning to work.  I was so stressed with work before and I don't want to go back to that.  My period is due this weekend and then we will be starting our first ever FET.  I have booked the transfer week off work as I can't be doing with work stress around that time.

Take care everyone and I hope so e good luck comes our way soon.

Love Trumpet xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Hello,

Congrats on being Pupo Rory, I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.

So sorry you are dreading going back to work Trumpet, but really pleased you had a good holiday. 

Angie, so sorry things are difficult with your husband.  It's so hard when you are stressed on top of everything else.  I hope you manage to resolve it soon.

Jess and Mogster sorry to hear about the announcements.  I always feel knocked for six by them and sometimes hiding away works for me, other times it is easier.  It definitely depends how strong I'm feeling. Life is so unfair sometimes.

Squirrel I hope things improve in limbo land, it's so tough waiting.

Lil one, hope the tests go well.

Waikiki, good luck with all.

Sl4e, are you home yet?

Rach, hope all is well with you?

Michimoo, also keeping my fingers crossed for good news for you.

Love and hugs to all, including anyone I may have accidently missed and anyone reading,
M
X


----------



## Mogster

Just when you think you couldn't hear another announcement you hear one. This just tops them all. So as many of you know I'm a teacher and it was about a year ago that I found out a parent from work was expecting number 7 which was amazing as her hubby was staying at one of HMP's at the time it was conceived Well this week she has announced she is 18 weeks with baby number 8!!!!! Needless to say she struggles with the 7! Makes me so angry and upset.

Sorry but needed a moan to people who understand x


----------



## rory2011

Mogster   ...we need some of that lady's fertility!!!

There have been several babies born at work recently and I have been semi ok...wasn't so good for the announcements of one of those pregnancies. It just feels so unfair, then I hate myself for being jealous. I am pleased that they don't have to go through the heartache us ladies are/have been through but it just feels a bit rubbish.

I am already bracing myself for more preg announcements...it always happens after treatment and especially as there have been several weddings recently, I am coming to terms that there could be several announcements round Xmas...hopefully one of mine!! 

I am already going nuts in the 2ww....it's going to be a long week and a half till otd. Trying to bury my head in the sand but thats not happening at all

Michi, hope you get good news with your results xx

Hi to everyone else, will catch up soon


----------



## Michimoo

Mogster - I think you are brilliant not getting angry about octomum. It would drive me  

Rory - when's test date? Keeping everything crossed that you will be joining the pg news.

Trumpet - glad you have a lovely holiday & good luck with your FET. I might have to look into that resort if we can scrape some money together that's not allocated for IVF.

Squirrel - so will you be having your FET in December then?

Wakiki - hope the pg is going well?

Sl4e - how are you & baby tabitha doing?

Crankie Angie - flipping eck these men just don't get it do they?   hope things have got a little better. When do you go for your FET? I understand Penny is stressed to the eyeballs at the mo.

Lil one - where are you having your immunes tested?

Rach - how's things what's going on with you?

Moncris - thanks for    

Ladies - I want to thank you so much for your kind thoughts & wishes. I have to say I feel that the power of this thread has helped me a lot. You really are a wonderful support in times of crisis.

Well I thought this was going to be my last Xmas & had started dividing my assets out in my head. I have been a quite mess for a week & every time I've been to the loo I burst into tears then I would pull myself together & no one would know any different.
I needed to be strong as DH was going away & I didn't want him worrying that I was losing the plot. 
In a panic I have called the clinic as I can't take much more waiting & I have been verbally told by the PA that my results are clear for melanoma & the Dr will write to me explaining the biopsy results. 
Relieved is an understatement. 
Tbh I am in a bit of a daze as I'd written myself off for a week I don't think this good news has sunk in yet.
What it did do was enforce the desperate need for a child though so at least I would leave a part of me behind when my time is up. 
IVF is now on hold until next year as DH's rotation is screwed up which will not allow us to cycle until Feb. I am disappointed & frustrated by this but his job is what pays for us to do IVF in the first place so I have to accept it.

I am concerned that Penny in Greece may not be around when we cycle next year as I've heard rumours she is retiring & from the emails & conversations I've had with her recently she has said she is burnt out & can't go on like this much more. 

DH is home in Dec & we could cycle then, but I think Serum shuts for some time over Christmas which wouldn't work for us. Then DH is away for Jan & not back until Valentines day.
After this terrible year & the fact that we haven't had a proper holiday in 3 years to relax since our honeymoon. We may go away in Dec to chill out. So I may look at Trumpets resort after all. Again it all depends on cost as I know all the prices rise over Christmas. 
But we just need to get rid of 2013 & start a fresh with 2014.

Big hugs ladies & thanks for your positive vibes.

Love you all
Xxx


----------



## rory2011

Fab news Michi, so pleased you have the all clear. I think you need a big glass of vino and a lovely holiday!
2014 is going to be your year! xx


----------



## Jess81

Fab News Mich!!! you def deserve a holiday after all that... we went to Gran Canaria once in dec and it was lovely! hotter then in June! i know it's not particuarly exotic but it's a break away from the cold and snow! 

Hi to everyone else hop you are all doing well. 

Jess xx


----------



## waikiki

So pleased to read your news michi - phew, what a relief that must be.  Now get started planning that holiday, hopefully the last child-free one you will have for a while.   

Thanks to you and the other ladies who have asked about my pg recently - I know that I am so incredibly lucky to be where I am, so I don't like to bang on about it all the time when so many of you have been having a really tough time of it lately.  So I'll just say everything is going well so far.

 to you all.

waikiki


----------



## squirrel2010

Michimoo - amazing news, and hopefully a sign things are going to go your way. Bizarrely, my life is following yours in that i had an all clear from a suspected nasty mole plus can only cycle next year in Feb so planning a holiday    . 2014 will be a different year and I can honestly say we all blinking well deserve it to be. Really thinking of you and if we are in limbo land together, we can support each other! Huge congrats again on being mole clear. You could now go and celebrate and eat some guac-a-mole tee hee terrible gag i know   . Mahoooosive hugs xx

Waikiki - glad you are ok, thinking about you   xx

Jess - hey buddy, hope you are ok xx

Rory - you should be at the top of the pregnancy announcement chat, along with the rest of us. It will happen. I hope it is this time and sending you all the very very best for test date. Will keep a beady eye on you xx

SL4E - hope all going well my lovely xx

Mogster - OMG. Ridiculous. Shouldnt be allowed to be qte honest. How very dare she. I am gobsmacked and open to your rant whenever you like! CUTO xx

Lil one - what is your update on how tests went? Hope all ok? Xx

MonCris - hello! Hoping you are ok, what are you up to at the moment? Xx

Rach - hello! Also hoping you are ok, what are you up to at the monent? Xx

Trumpet - your holiday sounds divine. Dont let the back to work blues get you down! Good call on booking time off around transfer, less stress sounds perfect. Keep us posted xx

Cranky Angie - how are things at home? Keep strong, and keep the faith. You two have been theough so much, I hope you can stick it through and get dh to buck up and support you xx

Everyone else - so sorry if missed anyone, sending hugs to all xx

As for me. Melt down today. Sore throat, feeling rubbish, limbo land sucks, hormones stupid, perfect sister who got pg within seconds has given birth to her second and I am dreading the whole chat about how wonderful she is, and how lacking I am. I feel like such a black sheep of the family. Dont get me wrong of course I am so pleased for her and to be an aunt again, but it just highlights all my failings and for me - i am crying and hurting because i want it so very much and it is so easy for some people. Why? So yup, am going to be selfish and instead of focussing on wonderful news, i am going to take a moment to feel sorry for myself. I just want to be my sister. I dont want to be me. Xx


----------



## M0ncris

Just a really quick post to say how pleased I am for you Michimoo although the time tabling sounds really tough. 

Squirrel, I didn't want to read and run (I should be asleep by now)... I'm so sorry it is so tough and that your sister has just given birth when you are in limbo.  It is really hard when siblings appear to have it easy in something that you are struggling with.  You are great, your posts make me laugh and you are kind and caring.  Please don't put yourself down.  I know it feels really rough right now and go for it and vent on here! We are all here for you.

Everyone else, will do personals when I am not about to drop from tiredness, but hugs to you all, I am thinking of you.

M
Xx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Michi, really great news on the tests hun!  I'm really pleased for you! 
Ladies, just stopping to drop off loooaaaads of baby dust for and to let you know that i'm reading your posts, but its difficult to post as work is very very busy and I'm struggling !
Rory,  on clexane- they should be kept at room temperature, never ever expel the bubble- it must be at the top by the plunger... Inject very very slowly and steady. Do not rub I've lost count how many injections I've done ( i'm still on it!) but i only bruise if i don't follow the above process... I usually rush them as the baby is kicking the injection side from underneath ... Lol

Love to all

P.s Rach, awlays thinking of you
LPB
Xxx
Xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Hi ladies.....remember me?   
Squirrel - i have wished to be so many people........it's tough......but black sheep are unique and special and few people get to be one   
Michi - i am so pleased your results were good, i had a feeling   
Rory - hope you're not too   , the 2ww is a unique torture   
Mogster, really - 8??  i don't know how you keep calm.  There is just no justice to this
Trumpet - glad you enjoyed Antigua, we wre there a few years ago - just beautiful
Rach - how are you?
AFM big stuff.........you guys know we were getting my immunes tested, well they came back yesterday 'all absolutely fine - no trt recommended' which to some would seem good, but it's just a huge kick in the teeth.  I was    for it to be my missing piece.  Yet again, no reason for the failures.  We had previously spoken about it (DH and I) and said that if it came back clear that we wouldn't do another cycle just like the last 6, 12 or more if you count the frozen, so i guess we're moving on.
My feelings change from one minute to the next.  I always have a positive feeling about adoption, which is where we would go, but then i read stories of a pg after so many more tries and i think 'maybe one more'?
It's such a sh&* journey
Lil' one


----------



## rory2011

Lucky B...not long now for you. That seems to have gone so quickly since your bfp!
Lil one...what a bummer about immunes. Was hoping they would find a reason. You'll know what the next step should be in time xx 

SL4E, hope you and the baby are doing well. Hope you get home soon 

Squirrel- hey there's nothing wrong with black sheep! They are the more interesting ones! Rubbish about sister, I would be feeling exactly the same. Luckily none of my sibs have kids. Although I ma expecting that to change for one of them in the next year so mentally preparing myself for it especially if this cycle doesn't work!!

AFM I seem to have mastered the clexane now, thanks for the tips. I am slowly going crazy with worrying that I haven't got any symptoms...but it is still early days. Roll on next Friday when I'll know. 

Hi to everyone must go and do my jabs! The joy!


----------



## Michimoo

Ladies - quick question & your advice please?

Looks like we can fit in another cycle in Dec.
Knowing how difficult this journey is &
As things are so difficult with matching times with my DH's job, & I'm impatient,
Would you A) do one more cycle in Dec & if that fails go on hols in Feb when it's cheaper.
B) go on hols in December & ivf end of Feb/March ? ( which is ages!   )

Squirrel - sorry you were feeling so low. Just come on here & rant whenever you want to.

Rory - hope the 2ww isn't driving you nutty!

Lil one - I know the immune test was clear, see it as another thing to just tick off the list of rulings out. I had to do that with my £3500 hysteroscopy a few months ago. Have you been checked for endo?

Jess - Grand Canaria does sound tempting 

Lucky B - hope alls going well with you?  

M
xxx


----------



## Jess81

Mich, I would say it depends on whether you feel you can emotionally do another cycle in dec? It is only oct after all so u will have a little while to go. The other thing I will say is when will ur OTD be coz if it's around Xmas and it's a bfn for me it would always taint Xmas and I love Xmas!!! 

Sorry to sit on the fence a bit but you are the only one who can decide hun xx


----------



## rory2011

Michi I have cycled round Xmas time and had it'd on 30th dec. it wasn't the nicest nye we had that year with our bfn. With Xmas it wasn't too bad as there was a lot of distractions and it was our first ivf...so everything was a novelty back the. Only downside esp if flying out to Athens is that our flight was cancelled last dec due to fog when we were going for immune testing, hyst etc. but then again that could happen anytime. 

only you and dh know if you need a holiday more or would like to get going again! 
Good luck xx


----------



## rory2011

Just realised otd got changed to it'd


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone, just a quick message to say to michi- so glad your test results came back good and everything is going in the right direction with you now. 

I am here and ready all your posts nearly everyday but .............
Not in a good place at the moment so will return when everything seems a bit more bearable. 

Sending cyber hugs to everyone one. 

Rach x


----------



## Michimoo

Oh Rach. Thinking of you & always here if you need to talk. 
Big hugs sweetie.

xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Oh Rach, so sorry to hear you are in a bad place.  You can always pm me if it helps to get your feelings out via email.  Thinking of you and sending you hugs.

Michi, I cycled over Christmas and it was tough.  I must have gone to the loo 50 times on Christmas Day and I couldn't relax and enjoy the festive season at all.  It also made preparations difficult and we ended up having Christmas early with both sets of parents so I wouldn't ruin it if af came.  I echo Rory's point about travel though. Having said that, if you are going to regret not going for it sooner, then do it, all these things are easily overcome. 

Rory, loved your black sheep comments, they were great. How is the 2ww.

Mogster - I can't believe you didn't hit her! Life is really not fair.

Lil one, that's so tricky.  I hope things become clearer for you.  Can you cycle after adoption - assuming you want more than one child, that way all options are open to you?  Or maybe that just makes it even more confusing? 

Jess, trumpet, sl4e, squirrel, lucky, Waikiki and Cranky Angie, how are you getting on? 

Many hugs to those reading and those I forgot to mention - it wasn't intentional.

M
Xx


----------



## Mogster

Just a quick one to warm people that apparently its National Infertility week and This Morning having been following people on their journeys. Oh and guess what day one and the first couple have ICSI and it works first time. Obviously I'm pleased for them but why don't they show the struggles of multiple negatives I hope they show some struggles next time.

Anyway sorry to rant but I know you will all undstand.

Michimoo I am so pleased with your results and I hope you managed to decide when to have your treatment.

Rach I'm sending lots of hugs and positive thoughts to you.

Rory how is it going?

Lil'one Hi how are you?

Squirrel hugs for you as well x

Lucky great to see you on here x

Hi to everyone else Id love to do more personals but I'm off to hang up some washing. Got to love half term. So much to do and catch up with x


----------



## Jess81

Hi Ladies, 
Oh thats just lovely isn't it Mogster... it really annoys me how they make it look so easy!!! same with all the soaps when they run it!!! 

Hope all is ok with everyone else. 

AFM i have my final cons this afternoon with my current clinic... only thing is i don't really know what to ask! i know we are moving from them but i just needed closure from them to make doubly sure that there isn't anything else they would suggest! have any suggestions on what i could ask?? 

thanks Jess xx


----------



## Michimoo

Yeah Mogster I'm avoiding all daytime telly this week. I even turn over when someone's giving birth thesedays ( Hoby City etc )

Jess - I kind of find that you go in with all the same questions like you would after any failed. Such as: why didn't it work, what were the quality of the eggs, sperm, embryos etc then you just end up listening to their opinions/ findings. Obviously the main question you would have is what would you do differently next time if we cycled with you again? 


Hope all you ladies are well & survive the stormy night. I was awake at 6am thinking I was in the Wizard of Oz. I was concerned at that point that I was going to fly off!  

My test date last year was Xmas Eve & made for a pretty **** Xmas. Not only with my father in law telling me I was fat on Xmas day. Some of you ladies will remember!   
I guess if we do cycle in Dec then he will have the opportunity to say that to me again as the suggestion this time is up the steriods!  
Not sure what to do as like you say there could be flight issues. But I guess we could have that with Feb too? 

I have now received the letter to advise that what they found on my foot is a blood clot & I now have to go for a clotting screening! Deep joy! 

Just to let you know I'm on the last day of that lose a stone in a week diet & I'm starving!!   Although I've not lost a whole stone (not sure why, I've followed it to the letter) I'm on target to lose about 7 - 8 Lbs. not bad to kick start things eh? I'm happy with a Lb a day. Roll on tomorrow when I can have a normal cup of tea! 
Just got to make sure I don't pile it back on with eating choccies etc. 

Big hugs ladies & keep warm.

M
xxx


----------



## Jess81

Mich, 
thanks weidly i don't think i've ever asked about the quality of the eggs.. i will do today though! 

i'm liking the sound of loose a stone in a week.... what diet is this? xx


----------



## Michimoo

Here's the link:

http://www.jaduncan.com/2006/04/how-i-lost-stone-in-week.html?m=1

I know its my last day on it but I actually can't face lunch today. I'm sick off eggs!


----------



## smileyboots

Hi girls ,,
Would you mind if i joined your group ?
I joined the forums ages ago , but never post just lurk ! 
Am feeling a bit low after recieving my 3 rd bfn this morning ! 
Dont quite know what to make of it .
1st cycle went well but only got to 12dt . All the rest were bad .
2nd cycle went terrible , all failed to fertilise normally , so no transfer .
Made the decision to do de ivf , so that was my third cycle .
We bought 4 frozen eggs , all amazing , all made it to day 5 blast , graded 4aa! 
So transfered 1 and froze the other 3 .
I kept reading on the internet thst donor eggs are a sure thing , so was really hopeful , was very upset when it didnt work . 
Jus keep wondering why it wont work . 
I know ive got the other three blasts , but wondering if it worth putting myself through all that again .
Sorry if i sound down ladies , dont mean to ! Just really confused xx


----------



## Jess81

So here we have it... Current clinic say that they are almost 90% sure it's sperm DNA fragmentation and as we can't have it tested coz we don't have 1 million we either give up, sperm donor, or adopt! So bloody devistated  xx


----------



## Michimoo

Welcome smiley boots & sorry you find yourself here. DE aren't a sure thing unfortunately. Some of us ladies know.
Have you had any immune testing? If you've just received your bfn then things will be raw ATM. Take some time to grieve at this sad time especially as you have just had the bfn.  

Jess - how can they say that when you had a positive on 2 attempts? The sperm must be doing something right? How is your DH dealing with the news?
I really think you should speak to Penny as she works wonders with improving sperm with antibiotic treatment. Also there is apparently a good sperm consultant called Dr Ramsey who works out of Windsor & London.
You don't need 1 million sperm, you only need one! 
Don't give up hope.
Big hugs sweetie xxx


----------



## Jess81

Thanks mich, 
Well he only has 6 at each test so they can't test it and with all the will in the world I don't think anti b's aren't goin to make a difference. 

He's actually ok... He's started floating the idea of adoption which he ha always been dead against!! Just don't know what to say?! Am I ready to give up on our family and am I just being selfish not wanting to think about adoption?! 

Xx


----------



## moomoocookie

Hi jess81, I have had a several failed Ivf now using donor eggs and hubbies sperm.  We think there is a sperm issue but I don't want to make a big deal out of it with hubbie.  We talked about adoption and I said to hubbie that donor embryo adoption isn't really any different where we are adopting the embryo rather than the child in the flesh, but we get to grow the child ourselves and bring it into the world. He actually agreed to my surprise and we are now considering the frozen adoption embryo with serum as funds are really tight after 4 failed attempts now.

I wish you all the luck in the world xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hi everyone,
gonna start off with   cos a quick read back tells me things are quite tough round here.
We came home from hospital yesterday, I'm still in shock, it doesn't seem real.
Mich love, I remember getting my pokey stick out last Xmas.
Sorry this is a very short post, while I was in hospital I tried to read as much as poss off my phone, and I plan to keep on lurking to keep an eye on you all. May even chip in with the odd pearl of wisdom


----------



## Cranky Angie

Just wrote a long post which my iPad failed to post that is just so annoying. 
It went something like this.
Firstly I have woken up really nervous  as its my FET today. 
Secondly I welcomed back sl4e and said make sure you stay with us  
Big big  were for Jess and rach and smiley boots.
To michi I said so glad yr results came back clear but sorry about things like your foot and your father in law  
And a quick hi to everyone else, because rather than sitting on FF and playing candy crush I should be getting off my fat bum, do all the jabs, take all the pills and get myself down to breakfast and down to the clinic. I am just so nervous I think I'm delaying .....  
It'd better post this time. 
Ange xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Cranky - I've been thinking of you & wondered how u were getting on. massive of luck for today. How many do you have on Ice again? I'll be interested to know what the FET process is over there if u could maybe pm me sometime when things are a bit calmer?
Lucky lady being in Greece & missing this awful weather. I see its still in the mid 20's?

Sl4e - lovely to hear from you & glad u are home. Yes I do remember you waving your stick at my FiL last Xmas. Lets see if u need to use it again this year? I may even give you his address this time!  


Where have all the other ladies gone? It's far too quiet on this thread these days. Miss my girls   & want to know how you are all doing.


----------



## Jess81

this may be a random question but do any of you ladies know if although there is technically nothing wrong with my eggs why a clinic wouldn't do double donor? and is there any clinics in the UK that do double donor? 

thanks xx


----------



## rory2011

hi ladies, I am here but trying to keep sane in this 2ww...not doing that very successfully and trying to stay away from google.
SL4E so glad you are home, you give all of us hope that we will be mummies too!

Cranky, hope FET went well....hope you are PUPO as we speak.

Jess not you're not being selfish, it is only natural to want to do everything possible before going down adoption route. Adoption is the last thing on our list and donor is the next step if this cycle fails. But every couple is different and some options feel more comfortable than others.

Smileyboots, welcome, sorry you are here though xx

Hi to everyone, must go eat now as starving.xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

jess, i think CARE in Nottingham may do double donor, i remember looking at them.
Angie     
Thanks for the welcome back ladies, hi to the new ladies i haven't already met too x


----------



## Cranky Angie

This is the list of things I have worried about since ET
WBC count too low have I done neupogen wrong
Valtrex to take or not to take
Have headache paracetomol to take or not to take
Feeling very stressed diazepam to take or not to take
Steroid preventative inhaler to take or not to take
Am I drinking enough water
Should I have not brushed my teeth with the tap water in Athens 
My jeans were too hot when I got to the restaurant so walked back and changed them for fear of overheating embies 
Should I take the lift (rest embies) or walk (get blood circulation going) 
Was the reason they did intralipids after transfer because i got there too late and they didnt have time beforehand and therefore will it not work. 
Do you think I have totally lost the plot? (Don't answer). God knows what I'll be like tomorrow when I have to get on a flight  
Ange xxx


----------



## rory2011

Welcome to the madness of 2ww Angie. I had intralipids after et.


----------



## NIP

Hi girls, I´m actually from another thread but then I saw you´r thread where we´re writing about the clinique in Prague we use, at it´s so good to have this room for sharing -

But, right now I´m researching about implantationfailure.

My story is, very shortly, that I have had 14 ET + 1 FET with my own eggs and now I have had 6 DE in Prague - I have only had two pregnancies, the one with my own eggs, wich unfortunately was e blind ovarium and one with DET as I lost in 7th week...

So now, after 21 transfers I just have to do something else, and I have been contacted IVI i Spain to get and ERA test, do any of you have tried such one, and in that case have it changed anything?

I have also been in contact to Penny from Serum, - and I can read that some of you has been there too - what did they do in Greece, and did it change anything?

I still keep fighting because I´m not ready to give up the dream becoming a mom, but it´s pretty hard...

Nice day to all of you Bertil


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello Bertil, and welcome. Wow, you are having a tough journey. i haven't had many tests, but there are other ladies here who know more, and i'm sure will help.
Ange, sending some sanity vibes your way....
Rory,


----------



## Rach76

Hi everyone, 

Rory hoping you are managing to keep just a little bit sane? Praying it works for you. X x

Sl4e- think u should change your name now to seemed like forever as forever has finally arrived for you  hope u and baby are well. X 

Hi Bertil, sorry you find yourself here. I have implantation problems too. Had 13cycles but not quite hit the twenties mark yet. Bless you Hun for keeping going. You are one truly strong lady.  Never give up on your dream- this is what i keep telling myself but i know how hard it is. my last bfn happened in july and i am just about feeling good about starting again. number 13 hit me so hard i nearly gave up! Squirrel has had ERA in Spain and it worked for her- she now knows when her implantation window is and it seems to be a couple of days later than normal if I am right?! . I am sure she won't mind talking to u about it. 
I am a serum lady so feel free to pm me if you have any questions. 

Angie- congrats on being PUPO! Hope u r not going mad already. X wishing u all the luck in the world.  

Michimoo- have you decided when to cycle yet? 

Lil'one- how's you doing? 

A big hi to all the other lovely ladies out there. 

Am in Athens at the moment and have just had hysto number five and my uterus is ........ Dare I say it.........  Looking almost normal! Hope I haven't jinxed it now. Just got to worry about crappy immunes now . Why do I have so many problems. 

The only thing that is driving me mad at the moment is the couple in the room next door having mad loud sex! And I am trying to sleep. Was up at 4.30 this morning to be at the hospital at 6! Actually I think .... Good on them having fun but wish they were in the room six floors down. Think I am just jealous as wish my DP was here looking after me as all alone like normal and due to the fact I can't have sex for a month now I have had hysto! So please please please let me get pg so all this trying for seven years finally becomes worth it. 

Rach x


----------



## rory2011

Rach glad you still trying, hoping this is going to be good news if uterus looking normal! 

Bertil, sorry you are here but they are lovely ladies.

AFM  after feeling really positive yesterday, I woke up to a bit of bleeding. Gave myself extra cyclogest and it seems to have stopped. Just having brown cyclogest sludge coming out. So not feeling at all positive for test tomorrow. Probably was silly as did a few poas during ties and weds and seemed to be getting darker second line on weak sample! I think it was probably just the hcg booster shots. At least I have seen two lines even if it was just the boosters. Anyway, this is my last cycle with oe, will be going to have a chat with penny about donor eggs if all pear shape tomorrow.

THINKING OF YOU ALL


----------



## Cranky Angie

Just a really really really quick one to say good luck to Rory for tomorrow, will be   for you. 
More personals tomorrow promise.
Ange xxxxx


----------



## Rach76

Best of luck to Rory for today x x. X praying you get a positive result x x x


----------



## Mogster

Good luck Rory xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Thinking of you Rory &   that those two lines are still on the pee stick.

Rach - lovely to see you back in the thread again. 

Cranky - hope the 2ww craze is calming down a bit.

Bertil - welcome to our little family & sorry you find yourself here. I think I speak on behalf of everyone when I say we understand the desire to continue this fight

M
xx


----------



## Jess81

Good Luck Rory!!! xxx


----------



## Sarapd

Fx Rory.
Sara. xx


----------



## rory2011

Thanks for al the    Ladies as it has paid off. We had 2 lines this morning! I am still being a bit cautious after bleed yesterday but just back from intralipids and have to up my cyclogest to 3 a day. 

Still in shock, hope this little one sticks! 
Hope this is the start of bfp's for us all  xx


----------



## Michimoo

Fantastic news Rory. Congrats xxx


----------



## pinkpixie

Rory wonderful news xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

I just did you a little hi five "Yes!!!" Hearing yr news Rory.,that is so fab  . Now just take it easy girl!! 

Rach glad to hear the hysto went well, sorry to hear about yr night time disturbances (he he) I had no idea you weren't meant to have sex for a month after a hysto. I'm sure I never did that. Lol.

AFM been at work all day. Nothing to report really. Although another teacher (who I really like) came in with a stinking cold and I immediately got up and sat the other side of the room to her. I didn't want to offend her, but the last thing I need right now is some sort of immune reaction.  

Ange xxx


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Sorry for not being around much - been so hectic since my holiday and going back to work.  I am cramming for an exam next week and my Mum has just arrived (visiting for 10 days - love her to bits but she is high maintenance)!

Anyway sorry as I am sure I will miss lots of people out but wanted to say:

Michimoo - delighted with your result! You have had such a crappy time I really hope you have turned a corner.  A friend of mine says life is like a **** sandwich and sometimes you get more filling than bread!  Good luck with your cycle and if your FIL calls you fat again make sure you have a cutting retort up your sleeve.  Well done on the diet.  I did the Master Cleanse detox (aka lemonade diet once and lost 11 pounds in 10 days).  Felt quite good at the end of it too.

Rory - I was feeling depressed reading all the tough news everyone has been receiving and then your post brought a huge smile to my face!  I am so delighted for you.  This is fantastic news and    It sticks!  Sending lots of positive thoughts.

Cranky Angie - hope you are coping with the dreaded 2ww! Hang in there and keep hopeful.

Jess - sorry about your sad news.  Gutted for you but give yourself time to think about where you want to go next.

Rach - sorry to hear you have been feeling so low but it's no surprise after everything you have been through.  Glad you are feeling like you can get back to it though.  I haven't been on here much either as I have my ups and downs and sometimes I almost want to forget I have fertility problems (not that I can forget it for very long).

To all the new Ladies - welcome to the thread although I am sorry to see you here.  I wish none of us were here but as we are I am grateful to be in contact with such supportive Ladies!

SL4E - so happy to hear you are home!  You have the family you deserve now so enjoy every second.  So nice that you keep in touch...you give us hope!

Lil One - have you made any decisions yet on what you want to do next.  Thinking of you at this tough time.

Mogster, Sara, PinkPixie and anyone I have missed - hi and hope you are all well.

AFM - well my period is a week late so still not started my FET.  By midweek I convinced myself that I had a miraculous natural BFP conceived on our holiday.  I got so carried away with my daydreaming I had pretty much imagined a whole future of being pregnant, naming our child, started thinking of maybe selling our flat and looking for a house.  It's was ridiculous but I enjoyed just a short time of feeling like I could be pregnant.  My rather sensible other half made me do a pregnancy test on Thursday evening as he could see I was getting carried away...I was half thinking of heading down to Mothercare.  I hate pregnancy tests as I associate them with misery but I did it and surprise surprise it was negative.  Then I felt a bit stupid...why does my head play tricks on me like that.  I am ok as I knew deep down it was a daydream but still feel a bit sad.  Especially as it still hasn't turned up and I feel all bloated and hard in my lower abdomen.  Its weird but its feels like I feel when on IVF meds rather than premenstrual.  I hate my body sometimes for not just working bloody normally.  I also survived my friends reunion even though I was surrounded by babies and toddlers.  It was nice to see everyone actually and we had a lovely time.  I think what helped a bit was that everyone's kids seemed to be playing up and all my friends looked like they had aged about 10 years from exhaustion and stress so I kind of felt well as much as I want to be a Mum, parenthood isn't great all the time so I am grateful I have a lovely Husband and Cat.   got to look on the bright side.

Anyway enough waffle from me.

Take care everyone and I won't leave it so long next time.

Love Trumpet xxx


----------



## Rach76

Excellent news Rory. So so so pleased for you x x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

huge congratulations Rory, I am so pleased for you....I had spotting from 5 - 9 weeks, so don't get too stressed, easier said than done i know
Rach, hope hysto keeps everything in order.
trumpet, I think we've all been caught in that daydream,   .
I had been thinking of changing my username!
Love you all xx


----------



## waikiki

Wonderful news Rory, so,so, so pleased for you! Try not to worry about the spotting (not easy I know) it is very common at this stage.

Big hugs to all the other wonderful veteran ladies - I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Rory has kicked off a roll of good news on this thread.

Waikiki xx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Wonderful, Rory x


----------



## Cranky Angie

to trumpet with your phantom pregnancy, your post made me smile  
Ange xxx x


----------



## Trumpet

Cranky Angie - glad my delusions made you  

I never seem to learn  

On the positive side AF has arrived so at least I can start my FET now.  Husband says he is excited - I feel terrified as I so want it to work.

Hope everyone is doing ok!

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Mogster

Rory            
I have everything crossed for you and I'm   we continue to get good news on here because we all deserve it xxx

Stay strong everyone   to negativity xxx


----------



## huskysaffa

Hi Ladies,

Hope you don't mind me Joining the thread! Been in and out of FF for a while - with all the ups and downs. Three years of trying, LOTS of money spent (absolutely no support in the medical system in South Africa) so It's cash all the way... And only BFN's.

Trumpet you made me smile too! I do just the same EVERY month - even if there is absolutely no chance I still have the ability to convince myself that just maybe this month it's different... I picture all the different ways I could announce to family and friends that my miracle has happened!

Particularly tough at the moment - two friends knocked up by mistake, a couple others on purpose and I am really starting to feel left behind. Second babies arriving and my first no where in sight (and probably impossible according to the three different clinics I have tried). 

So just a little more sad than usual... But tomorrow is Monday and will get up and soldier on as I always do beginning of the week. 

Wow this was a real rant!! Thanks for the platform and sorry to be so negative (sad) in my first post!!!

Xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello Husky,
and welcome to our exclusive club of strong, sassy chicks - the path that leads you here is horrible, and each one of us truly understands, hope you'll soon feel at home here. Rant away hun, this is the place to do it - no-one minds cos we all have our moments.
I'm online to avoid doing necessary stuff like going thro solicitors letters cos after 18 months the house move is finally happening! Just about to sign for the sale of our house & tie up loose ends on new purchase. We've sold to neighbours who've said there's no rush to vacate, would like to have Xmas dinner in new house cos it has a bigger reception room. My way of coping with Xmas, Mother's day & easter was to get myself as busy as poss by entertaining the family, so I was too knackered to stop & think, they may get a shock this time tho when all I'm fit for is turkey sandwiches


----------



## M0ncris

Hello all,

Congratulations Rory!

I feel like I've been out of the loop for weeks... Dh got his laptop wet and I had to leave my iPad with him on tour, followed by a hectic few weeks at work, so no chance to come on here.

Sl4e, good news about the house move, so glad you are all home.

Rach, hope all is well in Greece, sorry to hear about the noisy sex, but hopefully the recovery from the Hysto will go quickly. 

Cranky Angie,  good luck with being PUPO, I hope all is well.

Trumpet, at the height of my delusions I managed to test at the same moment af arrived.  What a waste of a stick and money for me.... Sorry to hear it was negative but I liked your friends saying.

Michi, any decision on holiday vs treatment? How is the blood clot, I hope you aren't in pain.

Jess, lots of hugs from me. That is so hard.  Take your time and we are all here for you.

Bertil and Husky, so sorry to hear of your journeys so far.

Hello to everyone else and hope you are ok (Lil one, squirrell,how are you doing?), sorry if I have missed anyone.

Afm, our nephews christening on Sunday.  Tough but got through it. Appointment with argc for first consutation on 25th nov which sent me into a bit of a panic in case they don't take us on (stressing over everything at the moment). But all ok, except for work which is a bit of a nightmare at the moment. 

Hugs to all,
M
Xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi to everyone. OTD isn't till sun but am feeling sick at the thought of it and convinced it hasn't worked and dreading it. Just read on another thread that more BFPs go on to make healthy babies than dont which has thrown me into a bit of a head spin because of course mine ended in mc, even after the hb   

I just don't feel like this will ever work for me. 

Sorry for no personals, on a real downer today. Not sleeping well, been thrown in the deep end at work, I am in the middle of dental work and have toothache. Guess I am feeling sorry for myself!! 
Ange xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Oh Angie, you poor thing.  Toothache is horrible and puts a dampner on everything.  Of course you are going to feel horrible with that and all the stress.  This is a hard thing you are going through.  Don't beat your self up, you are allowed tough days.

Many many hugs,
M
X


----------



## Trumpet

Hi Ladies,

Hope everyone is ok?

Welcome Husky - its tough having multiple failures but you are among like minded amazing Women on this thread.  Glad to hear I am not the only one with monthly delusions  

SL4E - hope you are enjoying being a Mummy and its so nice to hear you are moving home too...a complete fresh start to build new happy memories.

Moncris - nice to hear from you and good luck with the christening but its good you have an appointment with ARGC.  Would be good to know how you get on there.

Cranky Angie - I totally feel for you as I am feeling anxious and I only have my first bloody scan tomorrow (starting FET cycle).  Already panicking about the end of the cycle.  Hang in there and I pray to God you have good news as we need more news like Rory and SL4E on here!   Sending lots of luck!  I hope your teeth feel better soon too.

AFM - not feeling particularly positive... Don't know why but have in my head it's not going to work (I know its bad to have such a negative attitude).  Hoping after my scan tomorrow I will muster up some positivity.  Also just found out one friend is pregnant from FET - pleased for her and one friend has just miscarried twins (her second miscarriage).  She has also had issues getting pregnant in the first place so this is a real kick in the teeth.  She is heartbroken and I feel so sad for her.  So weird mixed feelings today.

Anyway I will try to stop whining and be grateful I am actually doing a cycle!  Hope everyone else is ok, Squirrel, Rach, Jess, Lil One, Michimoo and everyone else?

Good night,

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Thanks for the good wishes everyone, they mean a lot. However as I have no symptoms and no sore (*) (*) I am already convinced this has failed, I am already 9dp5dt so sure would have something by now. . I am meant to be getting my tooth fixed today but apparently the chemicals and x rays are a no no so have to figure out a way to tell the dentist that without the nosy assistants hearing (less than 2000 people live in my island and they love a bit of gossip) it's annoying cos I test Sunday and then would know for sure. 
When has anyone else tested? Mine is meant to be 12dp5dt is that what other people do??

Ange xxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Morning  Cranky, not long now for you and so many ladies have no symptoms but go to get a BFP so please hold on in there. When I had my blast transfer I was told to test 10 days after transfer so you could test tomorrow.. Some clinics do like you to wait a little longer but with blasts you can test earlier.

Hello to everyone else, sorry no personals and I recall some of you from some time ago.. Just a little update from me, I was waiting for a hysto but nhs won't do one as they & my private clinic don't think there's any need so the plan is for another fresh cycle and add my frozen eggs to fertilise. My clinic also have the embryoscope now so they want to put my embryos in there to look at fertilisation and development.. Just need to raise the £££ now as my journey has cost so much and this really is the last go for me. 

Take care & love to all xxx


----------



## squirrel2010

Just wanted to say hi all and send bucket loads of hugs and cuddles to all. Welcome new ladies, congrats rory, cranky ange - i proved it aint over til test day, despite it all going bosums up, so will keep praying for you. Everyone - sorry for no personals, will catch up in next week or so but wanted to say i am still here and care abouteach and every one of you. Squirrel xx


----------



## Michimoo

Hi Ladies,

Welcome huskysaffa you are in the right place for continuous bfn's we all know that feeling unfortunately. I myself have never seen 2 lines on an OV stick let alone a pee stick! I really don't think 2 lines exist.  

Cranky - I see from another thread you have had pink spotting. Sounds positive to me. Think I tested 10dp5dt after ARGC told me to. It was 12dp3dt. You should be fine to test now. 

Trumpet - don't beat yourself up about the negative feelings. We all do it. I see it as a self preservation reaction to all the previous fails. Sorry to hear about your friend. 

Moncris - ARGC will take you on. Look they took me on so you'll breeze through   good luck with the appt. remember if you need to know anything I've been through the whole process with them twice before. 

HBK - so lovely to hear from you. Sorry about the stupid NHS rules. We ended up paying for our hysto for the same reasons. Wow embryoscope that sounds interesting. What clinic is that with & how does it work?

Well ladies DH whisked me off last minute to Jersey for 24 hours & knowing squirrel was on the Island I contacted her last minute & managed to sneak off for an hour whilst DH was having a massage in the hotel & we met up last night. It was lovely to meet you Squirrel & we could've chatted for ages! Which I'm sure if I met any of you lovely ladies We'd of been talking for Britain too!  
Hey, can you just imagine if we all met at the same time? We'd need to book a whole week.
Sorry it was so short Squirrel but so wonderful to meet you.  

AFM - DH goes back to work for a month on Tues. Only had him home for a week  bit he did score Brownie points whisking me off to the Channel Islands for dinner! 
Still no news on the next lot of tests for my foot. My GP is useless. But I'm just going with the flow at the moment. 

Hope all you ladies are well?

M
xxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi all. 
Have had 2 days of hell with toothache and am up to my eyeballs with crap dentists and interfering dental receptionists. And the pain continues ...... 
My OTD is tomorrow and I am waiting till then. 2 reasons, number 1 I hate testing. Number 2 stupid amazon first response test that I ordered last SUNDAY has not turned up so I only have one test, so I thought I'd better leave it until OTD to be sure. Can you hear that big sigh? 

I didn't realise you were in jersey squirrel, I am in Alderney. So you also know what a nightmare it is getting on and off island with flights, weather , FOG!! We dont even have a scanner here so I have to go to guernsey. Oh sorry we do have a scanner here but apparently nobody knows how to use it. 

As you can see I'm in a sarcastic, peed off, ranty mood, mainly due to my TOOTHACHE which I've now had since THURSDAY. Yesterday I had one bowl of porridge and 1 bowl of soup so I am also STARVING.  Sigh, sigh, sigh. Shame I'm not testing today, if it is negative I'd be well up for going and punching some walls. 

Hi to all!!   
Ange xxxxx


----------



## M0ncris

Hello all,

Welcome hbk (or welcome back?)

Oh Angie, you poor poor thing.  What a nightmare.  I hope you feel better soon, I am guessing paracetamol isn't even denting the pain. Good luck for tomorrow.

Congrats Michi on being whisked away, sound really lovely and how nice to meet up with Squirrel.  I've never been to the Channel Islands but I imagine its beautiful.  I hope dinner was nice and you and squirrel had a lovely time catching up and meeting.

Trumpet, how is your cycle going? Totally understandable that you are feeling low, you will bounce back.  It's good to get it off your chest and then make way for new emotions, and boy is it a tough ride,  fingers crossed for you and hugs.

How are you doing Rory, Jess, Lil one, Waikiki, sl4e, Rach, squirrel, mogster, pink pixie, Sara, husky?  Also hello to anyone else I've forgotten.  

Afm I am in bed with a really bad cold trying to summon the energy to get up.  Dh had broken his foot, poor thing, so I have to go up and collect him from Edinburgh tomorrow before we go away on a writing course in devon for a week so I'll be out of contact. 

Love and hugs to all,
M
Xx


----------



## Trumpet

Hello All,

Hope you are all well?

Cranky - good luck for tomorrow.  Like you I hate testing as I have never had a positive ever so I just dread the bloody things as it always the same answer (hoping I am proved wrong at some point).  I feel sick for you just thinking about it.

Michimoo - so nice of your Husband to whisk you away like that and great you got to meet Squirrel. Thanks for your kind thoughts and also my friend is being unbelievably brave.  She is gutted though.

Moncris - thanks for your encouragement.  I know you all understand.  Mich is right in that negativity is a form of self preservation.  I was in such a state after my last failure I am scared of ending up in the same horrible place. Hope your cold improves in time for your writing course (sounds really interesting).

Hbk - they have the embryoscope at my clinic.  I think its most useful for those with multiple embryos as its use is proven to successfully pick out the embryos most likely to successfully implant.  Good luck!

AFM - had my first scan on Thursday.  All looked fine-ish although my uterine lining was very thin which peed me off as there always seems to be something not quite right.  Early days I know and started oestrogen today so still time for it to thicken up.  Been so busy with work and had my Mum staying so been too busy to dwell on it too much but off this week so hoping it will help me chill out and relax (work has been so tough).

To everyone else, hope you are well and hope to hear from you soon.

Love Trumpet xxx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Morning, ladies

Angie - any news?  

Trumpet, hang on in there....hopefully the lining will get there,they can have little growth spurts  

M0ncris - hope you're feeling better  

Hope everyone is ok, sorry haven't be online much lately.

We have made the hardest decision of our lives and decided to stop treatment.  We had the full immunes screening, and it came back all ok.  The new clinic does have some other tricks up it's sleeve, but we're not convinced it will be any different.
Lots of middle of the night heart ache, literally.....lots of tears and hugs.
Our plan is to look at adoption, we went to an open day a while back and got a great ffeeling about it.
I may not be online too much as I find it very hard to now, things are difficult at work with a pg colleague being exceptionally unkind to me so just hanging on to it all.  

Will always be thinking of you and   for you all.

Thank you for helping through dark times  

Lil' one


----------



## NIP

Hi, thank you for welcoming me - Rach76, have you ever got the test of the menstrual blood for inflammation in the lining? I think about sending a bit of my blood to Serum, I´ve been in contact to Penny there - it will cost 100 euro, but can you recommend it?
Bertil


----------



## Michimoo

Oh lil one. So sorry you've been through a traumatic time. Why is your colleague being so unkind?

I'm glad you are feeling positive about adoption. I know of someone who started the process at the beginning of the year & now has 6 weeks left until they get their LO! 

I'm always thinking of you & here for you whenever you need  

Big hugs my darling xx

Bertil - the menstrual blood test with Serum is worth it & when I cycled at ARGC they were happy to take the results on & treat me with the suggested antibiotics.


----------



## M0ncris

Oh Lil one, what a hard decision to make.  You are so brave.  I know lots of positive stories about adoption and I know you will be one of them in the end.  Just because you've made this decision it doesn't mean that we aren't here for you and won't support you every step of the way, although I appreciate you may need a break from our thread.  Everyone's journey is different but we are still able to cheer you on or hug you when the going gets tough so please don't feel you can't turn to us.  I'm sorry things are so tough at work as well.

Michi, thanks for your comments about the serum test, and Bertil, thanks for bringing it up.  I am thinking that it might be worth the money just to ensure that I give it my best shot at arcg so maybe I'll join you in that.  I know that there are lots of instructions on how to do it on this site so I'll email Serum and see if they would mind running it for me.

Trumpet, hang in there.  It is good to hear you are a bit distracted.  Plenty of time for your lining to thicken, I know it's hard but try to focus on getting through one day at a time and it will all happen.  I will feed back on arcg.

Angie, any news?

Afm, on a train to Edinburgh, feeling a bit better (hurray), though have a hacking cough which sounds like I am on 20 a day! 

Hugs to you all,
M
Xx


----------



## waikiki

L'il one - I'm sure that must have been an extremely difficult decision to make.      As M0ncris says, please don't think that you cannot come back to us once you embark on the next step of your journey, although equally I understand that it might be difficult for you to.  Whatever you decide, we will be thinking of you and wishing you     every step of the way.

After one of my numerous failed IVFs when I was feeling really down, my mum told me that whatever happened, if I wanted it enough I would be a mummy one day - be it through OE, DE or adoption.  That thought kept me going through many dark times and I hope that the thought of meeting your own LO one day will keep you strong and focussed on the end goal.  

 waikiki


----------



## Cranky Angie

Big big hugs to li'l one. I agree you have made a very brave decision and we are all here for you if you have any more dark moments (but hopefully not) we would love to share in the happy times too.  

I didn't test today, I don't really know why. I woke at 5am with the wretched toothache again and I just couldn't face it then, and then I worried that the hcg levels wouldn't be high enough to show and I would get a bfn and think, but is it really  a bfn??!!  Plus I only have the one test so I couldn't afford to muck it up. 

So testing tomorrow it is. -  first thing whenever I wake, unfortunately knowing me it will probably be another 5am but I'm ready  for it this time!! Ha ha won't be saying that in the morning will be bricking it again!! (Shall I just not test for 5 months and see if I get fat?!  ) 

Ange xx x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Lil One    wishing you all the very best as you change paths to motherhood. You have to do what's right for you & DH, and what a wonderful home will be waiting for your future LO(s).
Mich, wow, what a treat. I've been to Jersey once, & loved it. may now have to leave brochures lying around...
Ange, have everything crossed for 5am tomorrow. I never bought any HPTs this last time, knowing I'd got an old one at back of bathroom cupboard cos I had zero symptoms, and just 'knew' it hadn't worked - then got surprise of my life. Hoping and praying the same for you.
Moncris, hope you enjoy the course in Devon
trumpet, hope the oestrogen does its job on your lining    
Waikiki, love the ticker progress.
HBK, nice to see you back hun. That's a pain about hysto, getting angry on your behalf too   
LuckyB - hope all's well, not long now?
Rory, hope all's well with you, look forward to scan news.
Squirrel, sending you a hug
beth, hope you're OK, managing life & work
hi to Bertil, husky, rach, jess, mogster, sara.....
All well here, MIL has come to stay for a few days so I can snatch some sleep here n there


----------



## NIP

Michimoo - thanks, I will take it then... Bertil


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Just a quick one as just about to go to sleep!  Thanks for all your encouragement - feeling ok as had a nice weekend.
Lil One - just wanted to say I am really sad that you have been through such a traumatic time in order to come to the decision you have made.  I can only imagine how tough it has been to get there.  I think you are very brave but I think you have made a very positive decision. A close friend of mine adopted two little sisters aged 3 months and 18 months.  They are such a happy family and they have bonded so closely with their lovely girls.  Seeing them altogether as a family certainly made me feel hopeful that adoption could be an option for us too.  After much heartache it is also wonderful to see my friend and her husband so happy with the family they so deserved.  The hardest bit was going from having just two cats to two cats and two babies literally overnight!
Although I am sure you have tough times ahead while you fully come to terms with your decision, I am sure that once you start the process you will start to feel excited and happy about the prospect of starting a family.  Think of the adoption process as like being pregnant and before you know it you will be taking your child home with you!  I understand how you probably won't want to be on this thread for a while but do let us know how you get on.  Sending lots of  

Cranky - love your idea of just not testing....I might try that myself.  Good luck for tomorrow though!  I am routing for you.

Lots of love,

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Sorry really quick one in a rush. 
Just need to tell you it's a   can you believe it. I can't, I really really can't!!
More personals later, sorry in a head spin. 
Ange xxxx


----------



## Trumpet

Cranky - that's amazing news! So delighted for you.   

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Cranky.. Wooohooooooo congrats flower.. Brilliant news.. Relax and enjoy xxx


----------



## Jess81

Hey ladies, 
Couldn't read and run.. 
Lilone, you have made the hardest decision you will have to make ever!! It can only make you stronger can't it?! Big hugs and I'm sure you will make a great mummy no matter what you decide to do. 

Ange... Congrats that's amazing news!! Must be a lucky day today... My best friend has just done her 2nd cycle and she got a BFP today too! 

Hello to all the other lovely ladies, sorry I've not been around for a whole we have had some big decisions to make too! We have decided that we want to be parents no matter what so we are looking at the double donor route. For us just using a sperm donor isn't right for us and I'm not 100% sure my eggs are great so we have an appt at CRGW on 14th dec to discuss it. I'm actually quite excited, we know it's not guaranteed to work but we are going to give it a shot! 

Pg announcements never get easier, don't get me wrong I'm really pleased for ange and my friend but I can help but feel a bit sad for us and all the other ladies that it hasn't worked for. 

Jess xxx


----------



## El-why

I've been reading this thread for the last 5 weeks, since my most recent BFN! You have all given me lots of comfort over the last month! I wanted to thank you all for being there without even knowing it!

I also wanted to say huge congratulations to Cranky Angie - I was thinking of you all day yesterday & checked first thing this morning! i was so pleasedto see your result!! It gives me hope for my next attempt! X


----------



## waikiki

Yay Crankie Angie!!           It's about time we had some good news on this thread.

Jess - pleased to hear that you and DH have made a decision on next steps.  Good luck on the 14th.


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Ange     fantastic!!!
Jess, good luck with the appt for DD x


----------



## rory2011

Ange fantastic news. So pleased for you xx


----------



## Michimoo

Congrats Angie      

El-why - don't be a lurker. Come & join our little family. Glad we have helped you remotely though.  

Jess - great news about DD good luck with the appt. I am with you that the PG announcements don't get any easier. There have been 3 more on ** this weekend. 
It kicks me in the guts every time.
Just wish I could experience that elation once in my life.

I looked back at this thread the other day & saw how long I'd been on it & still always getting a bfn. 
Feeling like I'm always going to be the old veteran on this thread who only gives advice to others but never gets there herself.


----------



## squirrel2010

AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaH i spent ages writing to each and every one of you and the computer has lost it all!

Ange - huge congrats xx

Everyone, will muster up the will to repeat everything tomorrow. Technology. Bah.

Love to all xxx angry squirrel xxx


----------



## naisher30

Hi all,
Well...I've just had my SEVENTH BFN. I really am a veteran...! Had 2 of those cycles not get through to test date for numerous reasons, but now have had ten embryos (all so say top quality) and not ONE has stuck! No pregnancy, nothing. Feel like the biggest failure ever. Trying to pick myself up and clearly acknowledge that something is wrong. I may punch anyone who says its bad luck! Feeling very low at the moment and feel unlikely to continue on this appalling journey. Nothing has been pleasant, all of it has left me feeling drained, in every sense of the word! 

Any words of wisdom or next steps gratefully received! 

Much love to you allxxx


----------



## Trumpet

Hi Naisher,

I am so sorry for you!  I can imagine how crap you must be feeling.  Not sure I have any words of wisdom as I am in a similar boat myself (although 5 BFN's rather than 7).  I think for the moment you need to take some time to let your feelings of sadness, frustration, anger, failure etc all hang out!  Scream, cry - whatever helps you vent and then plan your next steps, first of which may just be your follow up appointment with the Doctors.  Ask them to be honest with you and make sure you prepare a list of questions.  Then take some time afterwards to digest what they tell and and then consider your options.  Best thing is to not rush it as you need to get over your current disappointment before planning what next!

Take care and keep in touch!

Hi to everyone else.

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi thank you all so much for the good wishes, I get my beta result this morning and am very very nervous i have been awake since 5. 

Naisher I'm so sorry you are feeling  so low I have been in your position many times. I just worked out that I have too had seven BFNs plus a mmc plus one cycle where the embies didn't survive the thaw. So this is number 10, I'm really hoping things might work out this time, it's taken 8 years to get here. PM me if you need any advice on clinics, protocol etc, I will help at all if I can. 

Went to guernsey yesterday to get my tooth fixed, really hope it is sorted out now have been dealing with this for too many days, although its a good distraction from the ivf! 

Love to all. More personals later iPad about to die on me.
Ange xxxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Ps. I just counted and we have had 20 embryos.  
Have you tested yr immunes?


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Feeling a bit down today as my endometrial lining hasn't thickened at all since Monday (still 6mm) and my follicle hadn't even grown.  Apparently my oestrogen levels are good and my LH is raised so they think I will ovulate soon (although if I do its very early for me).  If I am not surging tomorrow they may trigger with Ovitrelle.  Can't help but feel down about my Endo.  Makes me feel like this cycle is doomed already or likely to be abandoned.  I feel anxious that this lining issue is here to stay as it was too thin during my last fresh cycle.
I just find it all so depressing.  Sorry for being so gloomy and whiney!

Cranky good luck with your beta test.

Trumpet xxx


----------



## rory2011

Welcome el why and naisher the ladies on here have a been a great support.
Trumpet, hope your lining increases soon.
Cranky Ange, hope your hcg was a good level. 
Lil one, wow what a decision, you are a very brave lady and I wish you well on your new journey. You will be a brilliant mum and hope it's not too long for you to begin the next part of your life being a mummy. 

hbk how are you? I heard mfs were getting an embryo scope, they mentioned it at my last intralipids as was being delivered imminently. Are you going to cycle soon?

Squirrel how are you? 
Jess hope the appt goes well and good luck with the dd. 

Sl4e and Beth how are you and your little ones? 
WAikiki how is it going? 

Rach, Michi, bertil, moncris and everyone else who is reading hello.
Afm have my scan this afternoon. Bit scared as boob ache has gone and am only 6+1 so not sure if we will see much. Can't decide if I am feeling sick or if it's just worry!


----------



## Kim01

Hi ladies
I hope you don't mind me joining in.  its my otd today and its my 2nd bfn this year (9dpt  blast).  blood test showed an hcg less than  one. My friend said to continue gestone and other drug support for a few days before quitting. I just don't know what to do. Im on the full treatment, immune, acupuncture, implantation cut etc.


----------



## rory2011

hi kim sorry about your bfn. it is so hard.  Do you have a review appt booked with your clinic yet?
Be kind to yourself xx


----------



## Kim01

Hi Rory
This cycle was Deivf FET. Clinic said to call for telephone review or visit once im ready. Im planning next treatment- DD  in Athen. I dont feel clinic can offer any reason for this bfn cos clinic and  covered every angle possible to help it to work


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovely ladies,

Ange and Rory - hope your tests showed you happy things and wishing you all the very best xx

Hope all well with you Waikiki xx

SL4E - hope you got some sleep whilst MiL there, and that you are all doing well, sending hugs xx

LilOne - I know that you will be a mummy, regardless of the way it happens. I am excited to hear about your adoption journey and wish you all the absolute best. I think you are a very special and brave lady, and I take my hat off to you! Sending lots of love and support for whatever comes next xx

Jess - i am also excited about your next steps and I hope so much that you can start this new journey. I believe in you too, and will be here to support you. I completely agree about the bitter sweetness of pg announcements. Of course I am over the moon for others, especially the girls on here, but it always makes me feel like I am being left behind and even more of a failure. I suppose it highlights my lack of progress but this is crazy as my journey is totally different to others. It certainly doesnt take away how great it is for others, but I get how it makes you sad, because I feel it too. Hugs buddy xx

Trumpet - i am sending lining vibes to you and wiggling my toes! I know others who have had all sorts of new meds to help with lining, what are you on? Have you had this problem before? I hate it when my body continually throws spanners in the works, and you must be frustrated. Sending strength, what is the latest? We are here to support you! Xx

Michimoo - hi sweetie! How are you? Really enjoyed seeing you, and wish we had longer to natter. How are preparations for your upcoming cycle? How are you doing? You are not a failure, you are still on this awful journey and none of the girls on here can be classed as failures. I know all the clinical jargon is failure this and failure that but it is all just medical chat. I believe you are brave, strong and have faced far too much, and more than you deserve. That makes you a success in my eyes, as you have got through so much. Completely understand how you feel though, I think I will be the only one left yet again on this thread! I have a,ready been the disaster of multiple previous threads so that crown is mine hee hee. Huge hugs xx

MonCris - hope your cold has gone and you are enjoying your writing course? Come back safe and sound! Xx

Naisher - welcome sweetie. I am sad to see you on here but you are in good company! Ten embryos in the normal sense of things, is ten months of trying. There are countless so called normal people out there trying naturally, who take more than a year to conceive, so in my eyes, the number of embryos cant matter. It is so easy to look at our stories and I dont even want to count the number of embryos I have been through! At least double you! I just hope they can learn something this time and move you further ahead. Sending support and hugs from someone who knows exactly how you feel. I wish I could take my own advice?! Xx

El-Why and kim T - welcome, and again I am so sorry to see you on this thread, none of us deserve the ongoing disappointments xx

Bertil, Pink Pixie Rach, mogster, sara, husky, hbkmorris and everyone else -   and hello from me xx

AFM - hate being in limbo land. HRT making me feel like crap. Work hectic. Week off for a conference coming up so may be awol without wifi, but i am always lurking in the background for you all! I maintain this is the strongest group of girls I have met on here and if I was as proud of myself as I was of you all - I would feel a lot better! If I had the belief in myself that I had in all of you, that would help too! If that makes any sort of sense! C.U.T.O. And if that fails, then chocolate and wine for me. Now - a little wise person once told me the following so I will leave on that note - there is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it is going to be a butterfly! Lots and lots of love to you all and thank you for putting up with my limbo land whining   xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Kim - my last failed my blood test was -3. I said I couldn't be more i pregnant if I tried. Will you be going to Serum then as there are a few of us on here who go there now?

Rory - hope the scan went ok?

Trumpet - have you triggered yet? Hope things are improving for you.

Naisher - have you stayed with the same clinic for the whole journey? I'm a bit of a clinic hopper & at each clinic I feel I learn something new about my cycles & body. Sorry you are feeling so low. We know how you feel so rant away.  

Bertil - just to let you know I went to my GP & got a free urine sample pot to send the blood off to serum. 

Mogster - hope you are ok? Been thinking of you.

Hi to all the other lovely ladies. Sorry on iPhone & running out the door. Big hugs xx


----------



## rory2011

Still in shock from yesterdays scan, good news we saw 2 heartbeats. can't really believe that it has worked after 5 attempts and 5 1/2 yrs of ttc. Went for my intralipids today and had a chat with consultant. They had let me try neupogen but wouldn't prescribe it but now they are trying to set up a trial with it. ...so hopefully it will help other ladies get their dreams.


I hope my news hasn't upset anyone but to all of you, I feel that these bfn's have made me a stronger person...must admit that it didn't feel like it at the time and often felt like a total failure as a woman but it has made me and dh a lot closer. Must admit it felt like we were on separate planets at times but in the end we felt that we wanted to carry on till, one way or another we had a child.

Kim, serum seems like a really nice place. We visited when I went for immunes and hysto and if this hadn't worked we would have been off there to have donor eggs. Penny really seemed to care for her patients and every treatment was tailor made, not like a lot of clinics.

Hope you escape the limbo land soon squirrel.
Have a lovely weekend girls xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Omg Rory.. That's absolutely fantastic needs.. Twins!! Wowwww hip hip hurrrray!! 
Was this cycle at MFS or serum? 

Yeah I'm going to try the embryoscope next time which at this rate will be June of next year as I need to rob a bank first!! Tell me was it MFS that are doing neopogen? I asked about about it last year and that boo booed it. 

So pleased for you.. My eyes are filled with tears of joy. 

Hello to everyone else.. Love to you all xxx


----------



## rory2011

hbk ,yes it is mfs we are at and they seem keen to start doing things with neupogen. I had to have mine prescribed via Dr G but after discussions today I think they would be willing to discuss and perhaps even prescribe themselves. They are trying to do a trial so deffo ask about it for your next one.


----------



## waikiki

Yay Rory!!!!!     Welcome to the twins club   

After 9 cycles and 9 BFNs I'm convinced that it was neupogen that made the difference for me too and it's good to hear that UK clinics are starting to consider prescribing it now.

So, so, so excited for you hun!

Sending     to all the ladies that need them, I really   that you don't have to wait too much longer for your own little miracles.

Waikiki xx


----------



## Jess81

Rory that's great news congrats hun! Xx


----------



## Rach76

Amazing news Rory! Congrats x. X


----------



## Michimoo

Fantastic news Rory. Xx


----------



## squirrel2010

How exciting Rory - of course your news hasnt upset anyone, it gives us all hope, we want to be in your wonderful position! Enjoy this time xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rory, delighted to hear your news xx
Quick visit as I like to keep an eye on the very special ladies who have been, and still are, so supportive.. and get to know the new ladies too. 
Wouldnt it be fab to have a real-life   with wine, chocolate, cake?
Talking of which, once I've tackled the mountain of washing up, I have to make a lemon drizzle cake for Church tomorrow. DH put his name on the rota for tomorrow's cake, but he's out of a town delivering a car. Typical!


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All 

Rory - delighted with your news that you are expecting twins!  Being a twin myself I am bias but I do believe its such a blessing.

Sorry this is just a quick one so not many personals as have to dash but hope everyone is doing ok and sorry for those of you struggling at the moment.

I had my cycle cancelled this morning.  I expected it as my lining was not growing well from the start and it never got past 6.5 and this morning it had dropped back down to 6mm.  Pretty disappointed as it feels like another problem to deal with.  I was always focused and worried about the quality and quantity of my eggs and embryos and now I am worrying about my lining not being right.  Just feel a bit overwhelmed by it all.  On the positive side I am seeing the Doctor on Friday and at already my embryos are still safely frozen so we haven't wasted them.  I am so glad I was off work this week as I have pretty much been at the clinic every day.  My twin brother and his wife sent me a lovely bouquet of flowers yesterday - when I asked what they were for they just said because they love me and want me to know they are there and thinking of me.  I was so touched.

Quick question has anyone done a down regulated medicated FET as I think that's what they will want to do next.

Have a nice Sunday and thanks for all your encouragement and support.

Love Trumpet xxx


----------



## Sarapd

Fantastic news Rory - I was (and still am) so pleased for you. 

I was having a very down day earlier in the week and the words that you ladies have written on her really lifted my spirits. I am on quite a few other threads on here and if one more 20 something tells me not to give up hope because miracles can happen and to look at them, I may have I scream. I wouldn't wish our problems on anyone but I am so grateful for the words of support and encouragement from you all. 

Trumpet - I did a down regulated FET in August / September. It did work briefly as I had a chemical pregnancy. It seemed to go on forever but that could have been because I went on holiday in the middle of it all. Saying that though, it was still much easier than a fresh cycle. Let me know if you want more details.

Sending all my love to you wonderful ladies.

Sara. xx


----------



## Jess81

Hi trumpet,
I've done 3 medicated FET's pm me if u want?! Xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Trumpet so sorry to hear your news but glad you are getting lots of support.   
Exciting that you were a twin, I always wanted to be a twin, thought it would be like having my own best friend around all the time! 
Hope you are feeling a bit better now Sara, all of this is so tough. Big big  
Ange xx


----------



## M0ncris

I should go away more often if it results in all these bfp's.  congratulations Angie and well done Rory.  

So sorry to hear your news Trumpet, but maybe they will focus on this now as well and be able to support your lining better.  

Welcome KimT, Naisher - sorry that you are here

Love to everyone else.  Will respond properly later as am at a conference and meant to be at pre dinner drinks!

M
Xx


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Sorry I have been off the radar.  Work has been busy and I have been feeling a bit down.  My tactless acupuncturist suggested I should think about a surrogate which really upset me - like being told that is helpful to me right now! She said it like it was the easiest thing in the World; it's not like you can just pop to the shops and say "I'll have one of those please to carry my baby for 9 months".  Also I am not ready to think about things like that but it made me feel a bit hopeless if that's what they think.  Its hard enough keeping positive as it is without feeling like everyone else thinks its a lost cause!

Anyway I have to keep reminding myself of SL4E's, Rory's and Angie's success!  It's been nice to get positive news on this thread!  SL4E - hope you are loving being a mummy and Rory and Cranky - hope the pregnancies are going well.

Jess and Sara thanks for your offer of advice and I may take you up on it.  Seeing the Doctor tomorrow so I will hopefully have a clearer idea then.

I hope everyone else is ok? Lil One - hope you are starting to feel positive about your next steps.

Love to you all,

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Kim01

Hello ladies
Hope you don't mind me joining in.  Congrat to SL4E, Rory and Cranky.

Moncris- thank you.

Trumpet- I do understand what you mean. My acupuncturist said frequently the same thing about surrogate and adoption.  Despite me telling her that it is a long process and in my situation an impossible route, she still doesn't see the grand scheme of things.  I just ignore her now.  I'm having second thoughts about acupuncture - it was relaxing but I prefer a full body massage more (massage is cheaper) so I think I will take up massage instead. 

AFM -  I do feel sad and angry sometimes following my 2 BFN (Deivf - very good quality).  My Hcg were ZERO both times.  I felt hopeless that I didn't even get a chemical.    I had the full treatment- immune treatment, endo scratch, acupuncture, etc.  Uterine cavity clear.  I don't know what else to do for it to implant.  I still want to follow my dreams that I will be a mummy.  My AF arrived yesterday.  I started my HRT  to prep my uterine lining.  My next plan is DD in Europe.  Take care ladies.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Amazing news Rory! 
Kim T! There's always a chance i had 0hcg for 5 cycles in a row !!!! Then chemical then negative and then BoB on tx#8! 
Love and babydust to all!!!
Xxx


----------



## rory2011

Thanks Lucky B, not long for you now. I have another scan tomorrow so hope all is well. 
Kim T good luck for your next cycle
Trumpet, I wish fertile peeps would keep their advice to themselves! Only you and your oh can decide what is best for you.

Hi to everyone, hope you are all doing ok


----------



## M0ncris

Hi Ladies,

Hd my first consultation with argc and am now in the monitoring cycle.  Hormone levels ok (not great) and waiting for mid cycle scan and immunes.  Feeling glad to be back in the game although the rate at which the money goes out is scary.

How is everyone else?

M
Xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello my lovelies,
just seeing how everyone is doing....and to wish evryone on the treatment rollercoaster all the luck in the world, thinking of you guys, but kind of lost as to who is at which stage   
My head has been a bit of a mess, struggling a bit with post-natal depression - bizarre when you think I have my dream, but we all know what chaos hormones cause, and grieving after being told I musn't get pregnant again, it would be far too risky.
 may showers of babydust fall all over you xxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Sorry to hear you are  feeling like this sl4e. I wouldn't worry about the not getting pregnant again thing right now, you have not long had this one!!   one step at a time. I was very emotional after DS (not PND which is totally different I know but even so struggling a lot with DH and my mum. I even fell out with my best friend because she turned up in the morning when I hadn't even had chance to brush my hair and out some make up on!) Give yourself a break, sleep lots, take time out whenever you can to rest, read a book, a mag, watch a film, whatever, and just enjoy being a mum. 
Big hugs 
Ange xxxxx


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Hope you are all well. It's been very quiet here of late!! 

SL4e, sorry your going through that but it is very common for ivf'ers to have this. Your certainly aren't alone. Big hugs take it 1 step at a time and enjoy being a mummy! 

Hi to everyone else.

Afm we have our initial cons with CRGW on sat!! Soooo excited! We have decide we are goin to go down the double donor route, for is just SD isn't right so this is out next step. There is no waiting lists for either donor so am hoping we can start in the new year! Feeling very positive about this and have just decided we want to be parents no matter what. 

Has anyone else looked at DD at CRGW?? Xx


----------



## rory2011

jess great news about dd. Good luck for new year!
SL4E, hope the pnd gets better. You have been through so much over the years, it's not surprising it's all catching up with you now. Hope things get better for you soon.

Moncris good luck with your cycle xx Hi to everyone else

AFM, had some bad news today, one of my twinnnies is no longer with us. Scan around 2 weeks ago showed 2 heartbeats and looking the right size but today one was bang on dates  for 10 weeks and the other had no heartbeat and measured around 8 weeks. Not sure how I'm feeling at the mo. Glad there is still one but now feel worried for that one. Doesn't help that DH isn't in the country, I'll be glad when he is home tomorrow.


----------



## Jess81

Hi Rory, 
I'm really sorry to hear your sad news. I can't even begin to understand how u are feeling at the moment. It must be incredibly difficult. How long is DH away for? Xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Rory, so sorry to hear your news.  You must have very mixed feelings at the moment. I am sending you hugs.

Jess, sounds like you have a good plan.

Will update soon,
M
X


----------



## Rach76

So sorry to hear your news Rory. I am sure the other little one will hold on tight. I have my fingers firmly crossed for you. X x sending you big hugs x x x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rory,   . I remember Beth explaining that 8 weeks is a critical point for the developing heart, and this is why sadly babies opt out at this point.    your survivor is a little toughie who will go all the way.
Rach, I so hope that DD works for you, 1st time. Took us 4 tx, but we got there, with an excellent donor match, as Tabs is the spit of DH. 
Moncris, hope the cycle is going to plan.
Trumpet, hope you have a solution from the docs. 
Kim, did you follow a gluten-free diet with the immunes? I did this last time, after it had worked for Beth and Longtimewaiting in conjunction with their immunes. 
3rd time I have written this so going to hit post b4 I lose it again! Feeling more stable thankfully x


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Just wanted to let you know that we had our initial cons with CRGW today and it went very well. They gave us lots of options but we hVe opted to go down the double donor route. They are sending us the list of donors and we have to choose beg jan, we can then start short protocol with day 1 late jan. 

We are very excited and very positive about this cycle, we know it's not a guarantee but it's got more of a chance then us doing it with our own sperm and eggs! 

Hope everyone is ok xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Jess, just realised i got you & Rach muddled up in my last post    sorry ladies xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Hi Ladies,

I wondered how everyone was doing as it has been very quiet on here.  I am towards the end of my monitoring cycle at arcg which has been ok but slightly stressful.  Waiting to hear what happens next.

What is everyone else up to?

M
X


----------



## rory2011

Jess great news about deciding on dd. Good luck with it.

Moncris, hope your cycle goes well and isn't too stressful
Rach hope things with you are ok, have you made any decisions about more treatment?

SL4E, hope you and you're ltitle one are good and looking forward to christmas

afm, brought my next scan forward to xmas eve, don't know if that was wise or not, but i'll be 12 weeks. Hopefully all will be well and can enjoy xmas.

Hello to everyone else, must get back to work!


----------



## bethholm

Just popping in and trying to read back on all the posts! Huge congrats to those who have finally got a BFP and even bigger hugs to those who are having a hard time. Keep the faith ladies, the law of average states it HAS to work at some stage.

'Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.'

Much much love

Beth xxxxxxxx


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Exciting news!! We have both a sperm donor and egg donor match!!!! So bloody excited and can't wait to call them tomorrow to say we want to accept them. 

How is everyone doing? Xx


----------



## M0ncris

Oh Jess, congratulations!

Thank you Beth for your inspirational words, they almost made me cry.

Rory, good luck for 24th.

Love of everyone else,
M
X


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Sorry I haven't been around.  Have had a tough time of late.

Moncris - glad your monitoring cycle is done and fingers crossed ARGC give the all clear to proceed soon

Jess - delighted you have a donor match already.  May have to be an option for us in the future so keen to see how you get on

Rory - really sad you lost one of your babies but keep positive as I am sure your other baby is meant to be and you are almost through the first trimester.  Keep us posted.

SL4E - hope you feel better soon.  Not surprised about the PND.  This process is so stressful as it is that I think that even when it does work out you feel under even. Ore pressure for everything to be perfect and you must feel like you should be more grateful than everyone else despite the fact its tough being a parent even when it is something you really want.

AFM - had my consultation and we were planning on a downreg. Medicated FET with Endo Scratch.  The Doctor also insisted I have a repeat thyroid function test (first one a couple of years ago was fine).  Anyway hats off to her as surprise surprise I have hyperthyroidism.  The GP was great and got me on medication straight away and she consulted with the Consultant about prescribing something that won't damage my fertility more than it already is.  The downside is IVF is on hold for at least 3 to 6 months.  Pleased it was picked up and it explains why I have been feeling so rubbish (thought it was just the IVF) but I feel like time is whizzing by and my fertility is just getting worse.  I can't help but feel it is never going to happen for us.

I also my 8 month old baby sister after her Mother contacted me (long story but my 70 yr old violent, alcoholic estranged Father managed to get a very vulnerable woman pregnant). I fell in love with her at first sight although it is strange as she looks exactly like me and my siblings as babies.  We want to be there for her and her Mother as she is trying really hard to be a good Mum but the situation is very sensitive and complicated as you can imagine.
With everything going on and me feeling like I am going to implode, we decided I should go part time as my job is just too demanding for me right now so from Jan 1st I will be on 3 days per week.  Feeling really positive about this as I feel I need to get my physical and emotional health in order so that when we resume the IVF we truly are giving it our best shot.  I am looking forward to Christmas but I felt sad today as met up with friends and their babies and I can't help but feel that I may never experience that for myself.

Anyway sorry to sound so glum.  I hope everyone else is ok and sorry for missing anyone. Hope, Rach, Squirrel, Lil One, Cranky, Beth, Sara, Michimoo and everyone else is doing well.

Have a great Christmas and I hope 2014 is a good year for us all.

Love Trumpet xxx


----------



## Trumpet

Sorry just noticed a typo - meant to say I met my baby sister. X


----------



## Cranky Angie

Oh trumpet I'm sorry you we still having a tough time of things although I think the move to part time sounds like a really good one. I too have just resigned from one of my part time jobs and I feel a massive sense of relief. 

Sorry things are tough on the family front, it must be hard putting a brave face on it all at the same time as going through infertility,  I've been in situations myself so many times when I've had to be the strong one , meanwhile I feel like I'm breaking inside but can't say anything, it's so tough. We too had an awkward one today, it's my sons 8th birthday today and my mum (who is a very difficult and negative person) fell out big time with my husband who is equally stubborn and difficult when he wants to be. Me and my dad are the peacemakers but I at the moment (pregnant!) find my tolerance has gone right down and I am sick of pussy footing around these deliberately awkward and selfish people. So I told them I was disgusted with both of their behaviour arguing in front of DS on his birthday. Well that went down like a lead balloon and my mum says she's never coming to our house again and DH said he's not having her for Christmas. Great!! Anyway I'm going to let them sort it out I'm sick of being piggy in the middle. 

Anyway I'm sorry to hear about the thyroid problems (it so often happens that there is more and more to deal with in this stupid game and each thing just makes it more difficult - this has happened to me too) and that you have had to put the ivf on hold. It's all so frustrating. Lets hope that 2014 really will be your year. At least you are now feeling better and they are sorting out your thyroid, that will only help. 

Keep your chin up, stay positive, believe me after 3 failed IUIs, 9 failed IVFs, 4 different clinics and 8 years of infertility SINCE DS was born (and 2 and a half years before he was born) I really thought it would never work for me. So don't give up. Have a break for Christmas then get the PMA right back in the new year. 

Thinking of you. 
Ange xxxxx


----------



## Trumpet

Dear Cranky,

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement.  I do need it but it means so much more coming from someone who has been through the mill on this as well. Totally understand why you are fed up after your DH and Mother's behaviour.  I love my Family but I remember a number of them falling out /bickering the Day before our Wedding and thought I clearly didn't have enough to think about as kept dragging me into it to sort it all out / take sides.  Its tiring always being the dependable peacekeeper of the Family.  My DH is really supportive but he said to me he just wants me to have a couple of days when I don't cry - believe me so do I but I do feel lost at the moment.
I am glad you have quite one of your jobs as you need to minimise stress. So pleased you got your much deserved BFP but make sure you put yourself as number 1 (apart from your DS of course).

Thanks again for the moral support.  It means a lot.

Love Trumpet xxxx


----------



## reddybeck

Hiya. Have just had my 4th failed FET in a natural cycle and am waiting for a review date with my consultant. At all the other reviews he's said to keep on as we are, to have faith in my body as all tests say it's working fine, etc. I just worry as it's been a while since my last bloods and I've not had a lining scan apart from when on drugs that maybe all is not well anymore? I also have an lp of 11day, sometimes 12, so don't make it to testing day before my period arrives. I was wondering what tests/different treatment other people's doctors had suggested so I've an idea of what I could possibly ask my doc for? I've heard of immunology tests and blood clotting but wondered is it hard to get those on the nhs? I'm beginning to worry it'll never happen and just want to know I've done everything I can if it comes to that point.

Thanks for any advice and good luck to everyone waiting on their bfp and congrats to those who've got theirs


----------



## rory2011

Trumpet, sorry to hear about your delay but glad they picked up your thyroid issue. I ended up with a 15 month break after my last bfn. Half of me wanted to get going ASAP but ended up doing immune testing and hysto. Fog at heathrow also managed to add a 2 month delay as we went for testing in Athens. Hopefully the enforced break will make sure you are in tip top condition for your next cycle...I am sure it will whizz by, saying that the last few weeks have dragged for me! 

Cranky, hope all is well with you.

Jess fantastic news!

Beth, thanks for your kind words, they have helped me over the last week and a bit.
Rach, hope things are going well for you, are you cycling again yet? 
Sl4e hope all is well with you and your little one.
Michimoo, squireel, lil one, moncris , km, lucky b and everyone else who's reading

Reddy beck, welcome this is a great board, we have all been through the mill before ending up here. If you have bled before otd that may suggest a problem with progesterone. Sometimes moving to another clinic for advice especially if your clinic isn't going to change the protocol/ look into why you have had failures, can help.


----------



## Hbkmorris

Oh Reddybeck, my heart goes out to you. So sorry to hear of your bfn.. This darn journey is relentless and heartbreaking. 

From me to you on suggestions as you bleed like I always have prior to otd I'd ask for gestone/prontogest.. These are intramuscular and have always helped me stop bleeding prior to otd. My next suggestion would have your uterine nk cell tested. I had mine in biopsy form at Coventry with professor Quenby which showed elevated levels and I take steroids to help aid this, all other immunes results came back normal so it was decided I'd still take clexane (thin the blood) and intralipids along with antibiotics to cover all other areas.. Although they've not made an impact on my result I shall take them again with my final 6th go next year. 

I hope I've given you some ideas, sorry I can't give you more and I'm sure someone else will be able to xx 

So sorry to read of other ladies sad news and for those who are lucky to have chrimbo sober this year.. Congrats xx


----------



## M0ncris

Hello Ladies,

Sorry I have been quiet, I had a really tough time the other day finding out that my sis in law is pregnant with her third.  They told dh face to face (poor man) at least I found out over the phone...  Cue tears, anger, repeated I'm not fairs.  It has been tough.  

I said on another board, I don't have the same reaction about people on this forum, I think because you all know what it's like, but family particularly are so hard. Ho hum.

Reddy, I bled before my first otd on the first try,  my second I got a bfp before a mmc and on the third they gave me smaller doses of the trigger injection at three day intervals.  I had a chem preg but you might ask them about hcg? I also had baby aspirin.

Hbk, when is your next try? I sounds like you have a good plan.

Rory, how are you doing?

Trumpet, sorry you are feeling down but I'm so glad you found out about your thyroid, hopefully it can be speedily sorted.  I echo what Rory says about having a break occasionally.  It's good you met your sister but I completely get what you are saying about the family situation.  It sounds tough.  

Cranky, so pleased it is going well for you and so sorry that people are causing you hassle.  Families are so tough this time of year.

To everyone else, hugs and love, I hope you are all doing ok.

M
X


----------



## zangazanga

hi girls just had my BFN today for the second time totally devastated  and losing hope. first time for me here in this thread hoping to feel better.


----------



## Hbkmorris

So sorry to read of your 2nd bfn.. Your not on your own on here, so welcome.. I don't come on here much but just wanted to say your in safe hands and we'll all look after you as we have all been in your shoes. 

May the heart heal in time and plan forward chicken it's the only way sometimes.. 

Lots of big hugs xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Hi Zanga,

I am so sorry to hear this.  It is really tough I know.  Take care of yourself and take one day at a time if you can.  It is so hard to get through but you will.

Hugs,
M
X


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Dropping by with Christmas hugs for you all, quick break from tidying up before we have the whole tribe tomorrow. LO is doing well, 10 weeks old today - arrived on our 17th attempt at tx, at 5th clinic. 
This time last year we were re-structuring our lives for a childless future, and doing a final cycle for 'closure'. Miracles do happen, but I'll never forget what it took to get here.
Wishing you all a peaceful Christmas xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Ladies, merry Christmas, may it be peaceful and joyous (if possible) wherever you are.

With hugs,
M
X


----------



## rory2011

Zanga sorry to hear about your bfn. Look after yourself and take time to grieve.

To all you ladies celebrating your first Christmases with your much awaited little ones, enjoy. To all those waiting for their dreams to come true, let's hope 2014 is the year for you.

Scan went well today, things looking good so can try and relax a bit now...easier said than done! 

Happy Christmas to you all xx


----------



## bethholm

As my dear friend SL4R said, you never forget what it took to get there and it never leaves you either. A peaceful Christmas to all you strong marvellous determined special ladies.

Much love as always.

Beth xxx


----------



## Michimoo

As you may have noticed I have been AWOL. If you read my diary in my signature you will see why.

Another terrible Xmas day for me! But the FIL won't be there tomorrow so hopefully I won't get the "fat card" again! 

Wishing all you wonderful ladies a happy Chrimbo. 

I am disappearing again for a while now but just wanted to send you all my wishes.

 xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Michi 
I just read your diary entry. I am so sorry  
But michi don't give up on the frostie on board, I just got success from a FET so it can work.  
Take care of yourself, hope you manage a little bit of happiness tomorrow.  
Ange xxxx


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Merry X-mas ladies! 
Just a quick one to let you know that BoB arrived on her due date 13/12/13 weighing in at tiny 2.470kg (5.7lb?) we are both home now and fine, although struggling with breastfeeding a bit as I don't think i have enough milk and she's probably not extracting it efficiently ... But I'm pumping in hope things will get better  

Xxxx
Lucky Mama Brumbar


----------



## Jess81

Congrats brumbar!! Great Christmas news!! Xx


----------



## M0ncris

Congratulations Brumbar, what fantastic new.  Hope everyone else is ok.

M
X


----------



## waikiki

Congratulations Brumbar!!!     

I hope that all of you lovely ladies have had a good Christmas - I know what a bittersweet time of year this can be and I'm sending     to all those who need them. And an extra special    To Michimoo - having tx at this time of year takes extra special courage.


----------



## rory2011

congrats Lucky B, so pleased your little one is here safely xx

Michi, so sorry your cycle hasn't worked out the way you had hoped xx


----------



## deblovescats

mich - just wanted to say how sad I am for you and what an amazing person you are - you don't deserve to have this bad luck! It's an awful time of year when cycles don't work out and we get BFNs. Take time to be good to yourself and decide what you want to do next. It's so unfair. You are a lovely person - so thoughtful and don't ever doubt that. I've been there with those thoughts and so has my sister - we try to do good things for people and don't get the luck. Life just isn't fair! Don't give up - I finally got my BFP this cycle and am currently 11 w + 3 so it can happen. Never thought it would.
I sincerely hope that 2014 brings all you lovely ladies your dream of a baby - you so deserve it.
Deb


----------



## bethholm

Lucky Brumbar- massive congratulations my lovely.

Much love

Beth xxxx


----------



## M0ncris

Happy New Year Ladies, may it bring you all the joy and babies you desire.

With love,
M
X


----------



## Michimoo

Congrats Lucky B. I did try & pm you a few times in Dec but your inbox was full.

Happy New Year ladies.

Just got my 6th BFN yesterday so starting the New Year very hungover & a little raw that I've still never seen two lines on a pee stick after 52 eggs in 2 years. 

Not sure where I go from here. One things for sure I need some time out to sort my body & my head out.

M

Xxx


----------



## bethholm

Michimoo- massive hugs my lovely.We had 5 BFNs and then 2 miscarriages afterwards (even though we also lost 2 babies on our 8th IVF). You will get there. 

Much love

Beth xxx


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone,
Havent posted for a bit but been trying to keep up.
How are you all? Survived Christmas and New year without too much heartache I hope.
For those whose dream came true I congratulate you and hope your happiness continues and spreads to others.
For those who have had bad news then big hugs.
If you are cycling or about to then wishing you all the luck in the world.

AFM - Not much going on here. Thought I was doing well but had news today that my DH SIL who is very selfish, annoying and a big pain in the butt is expecting number 3. This is the person who talks nonstop about being pregnant and pulls her top up to rub her bump for all to see even thou she knows our situation. So guess who I will be avoiding!
Anyway, just wanted to say a quick hi and wish you all the best for 2014. 
Love and hugs to you all. You keep me sain and keep me going so I thank you all xxx


----------



## rory2011

Happy new year! I hope 2014 is a good year for us all.
Michi, so sorry about your bfn. We're here if you need us.
Monster, sorry to hear about dh's sil....I'd do exactly the same...avoidance can be a wonderful thing!

To all you ladies on here. Thanks for the support you have given me over the last couple of years. We will get our dreams eventually xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

LuckyB, congratulations! Really happy to hear LO arrived safely.
Rory, relieved that all was well on Christmas scan for you.
Mogster, welcome back, wish it was you and not your SIL who is expecting. 
Michimoo, what can I say to you?     for the result, and also because the whole cycle was not the best experience x
Well we had the entire tribe for Christmas Day, Boxing Day & New Year's Day......while they all coo-ed & doted, I was stuck in the kitchen doing the food. Families!!


----------



## Michimoo

Ladies - I think I may need some of your help. 
I'm now being suggested DE & it's messing with my head. I can't sleep & I'm comfort eating & just getting fatter by the day.
Since the Cancer scare in Nov it made it more important that I have a bit of me live on when I die.
Now DE would take that away. I'm worried if I went down that route I'd be jealous of DH as its a part of him & not me. (He will not do DD) These see just the things whirring round my head at the moment. Can any of you ladies who have been there & come out the other end help with my initial fears? 
M
xxx


----------



## Louisej29

Hi, not been on this thread before but saw michimoo latest post so thought I'd just jump in!!

Not had de so can't comment about coming out the other end but I have done a lot of research and spoken to a lot of people on here about it as its something we might have to consider.  My first thoughts were it would be his baby and not mine- but it is your body that would grow that baby and , as someone said to me, when you hold that newborn baby that you've carried for 9 months, you won't mind where the first cell came from. I know it's a difficult one to get your head round but we are now thinking if that's the only way I can be pregnant and give birth then we should do it.  We could still then be parents and , for us, this would be better than adoption. 

Good luck with your decision making. There are lots of positive stories on ff from people who've had de babies xx.


----------



## Louisej29

Michi- Someone put this article on another thread. Worth a read and shows a de baby would be your baby!!!! Xx hope it helps x

http://eggdonorsblog.giftovlife.com/epigenetics


----------



## Jess81

Hi mich, couldn't read and run. Firstly I'm sorry about ur recent BFN! We are just about to start our 1st DD cycle. DH was always adamant he wouldn't want to use donor sperm until the dr said he had a DNA frame nation issue. This then forced us to make a decision on what we wanted as the end result. Someone said to me an embryo is just a bunch of cells a baby is what you make in your womb, it has your blood and you make everything from earlobes, to fingers and toes from your protein so any DE will be your baby. Why won't DH look at DD? 

I think it would always feel your baby regardless if you use OE or DE or DD because you would carry it and give birth. 

Hope this has helped you a little bit. 
Afm my drugs arrived today... All a bit weird! They sent me insulin syringes with needles already attached! Has anyone else had those? I've always had to change the needles
It's all so new this time! 

Jess xx


----------



## M0ncris

Hi Michi,

I'm not yet at your stage which is a hard call to make but like lots of us I've had a bit of a think about it.  My view is that it's important to have people around you who love you and remember you, that is what you leave when you die, and there will still be a massive imprint of you in your child.  I agree with Jess that where the initial DNA comes from is not so important - after all, you love loads of people who don't have your DNA. Personally I think the end result is the most important.

I think it's important you get to speak to a counsellor who is experienced in this area so that you can fully explore all the pros and cons for you.  And remember this is a lot of information to take in in a short time, you've just had a really difficult couple of months with treatment, so take a little time to let all the hormones finish messing with you.

Afm, I have just been sent the info on humira from arcg, so will look at that soon.  

Love to you all, when do you start Jess?

M
X


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## Jess81

Hi M, 
I'm due to start northisterine on the 13th. Got my planning session, scan, mock ET and scratch on the 30th. X


----------



## M0ncris

Jess, how exciting, where are you having treatment?  Are you ok about it all?

M
X


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## Jess81

M, we have moved to CRGW. Yes we are very excited about it all. Meds arrived today so it's really happening now! It's all been very quick! 

How are u feeling about ur next one? Xx


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## waikiki

Hello ladies,

First of all, big hugs for you Michi, moving on to DE is not an easy step and I went through all of the emotions that you described. I don't think that I am any sort of genetic super being, yet the thought that I would leave none of my genes behind me when I die is something that I struggled with for a long time. But as one of the other ladies said, it's not DNA that makes a mother, it is the years of love and nurturing that you will give that child.  Any child that you have using DE will never doubt how loved and wanted they were, that their parents went to such lengths to bring them into the world.

It took me 4 DE cycles before I finally got pg and to be honest by the time I finally did, I had given up all hope of it ever working. Having spent a lot of time thinking about the prospect of a childless future, finding out I was pg gave me so much joy. I can't wait to meet my little boys next month and every time I feel them kick or move inside me I am just incredibly grateful that I am the one who will get to be their mummy.

Having said all of that, it is a big decision and given all of the turmoil that you have been through lately, don't beat yourself up about taking some time to come around to the idea. If you want to talk any of your concerns  through with me, send me a PM - I'm pretty sure that I had a lot of the same fears as you did, as they are completely natural.

Jess - am keeping my fingers crossed for you hun!

 waikiki


----------



## M0ncris

Feeling a bit nervous about starting again but it is a month or so away so it should be ok by then.

Waikiki, when is your due date?

Mon
X


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## waikiki

Good luck M0nchris, I know it's daunting starting a new cycle, but hopefully this will be the one that will work for you. Which clinic are you cycling at?

I'm not sure exactly when I'm due, because twins tend to come early, but the doctor has told me that I will not go past 38 weeks (25th Feb) - not long now!


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## M0ncris

Ooh Waikiki, that's really exciting.  I am at arcg so have done the monitoring cycle and am now at immune treatment waiting to see if I have latent tb or can do humira.  I go in on tues morning for the blood test.

Mon
Xx


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## bethholm

All those who have been on the thread for a while now, will know of my journey to get my son who is 1 in a few weeks but I wanted to write about the donor route for the new ladies on here in a hope that this will help.

My LO was a result of 8 IVFs, at least 4 known miscarriages (including 2 babies when I was pregnant with him as I had 3 heartbeats) and eventually we moved on to double donor. I can honestly say that my DH and I hardly ever think of the fact that he is DD (it's only when you are reminded when people make innocent comments like 'He must get that from your husband'). He is totally our son and it was only last week that a member of my family, who doesn't know that he is DD, was adamant that my LO looked exactly like my gran and had my eyes.Epigenetics is fascinating. If I'm stressed, like my mother, I tuck my thumb under my index finger. My son does this too.Everyone in my family, except me has had a hernia- and my son had one too.I was lucky; I knew when I was ready to move on to DD from 6 IVFs using our own eggs and sperm. I was 43 and running out of time. My egg quality was great but as each cycle produced less and less eggs until I was lucky to have more than 5 eggs collected. I simply felt that the pressure was getting too great. I was due to go for my 7th IVF (my 1st cycle with Peny), when my baseline scan showed only 3 follies and the consultant reminded me that at my age, my miscarriage rate was a staggering 70%. Having already had 2 miscarriages (one involving a funeral), I walked out of the clinic and announced that I simply couldn't do it anymore.The odds were totally stacked against me. I was also lucky in the fact that my DH had wanted to do DD for over a year and it was me that had needed time to get my head around it. Yes, my DNA won't be left on this planet, but part of me will as my LO has so much of my characteristics in him and at the end of the day, he literally is my flesh and blood- I made and built him. The final confirmation came when I phoned Peny up after returning from the 100 mile round trip for my baseline scan. She had planned a normal IVF cycle for me, my back bed was covered in approx £1200 of medication for the cycle. I told her that I wanted to move on to donor and asked her 'Am I doing the right thing?' 'Yes' she said- and that was enough for me.

I've copied below, some websites on epigenetics and also some lovely quotes which helped me.

Re epigenetics-

http://www.nurture.co.za/the-tricky-subject-of-disclosure
http://www.giftovlife.com/EggDonorParents_FAQ.aspx
http://tpvedo.blogspot.co.uk/2009/07/women-who-give-birth-to-donor-egg.html
http://eggdonorsblog.giftovlife.com/epigenetics

And some of my favourite quotes:

'There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.'

and finally:

'I sometimes have glimmers of regret because I could have searched for that good egg that I am convinced is inside of me. But does it truly matter? Did I really "give something up," or have the courage and the mental health to "move on?" Was and is the glass half empty or half full? These thoughts come from my head and not my heart because I believe in God and believe God speaks through people and believe your children chose you. Therefore, God invented the process of donor egg and these were the two children I was meant to have. Being there when your children are sick, when they fall and cry, when they need you and when no else is there, is truly what parenting is all about. And they will have my sensitivity, my generosity, my sense of humor and my loving heart because they will learn it from me. I am eternally blessed and grateful.'

Thinking of you all.

B xxx


----------



## Louisej29

Beth

Your story and your quotes have left me with tears streaming down my face!  Congratulations on your little boy after such a hard and long journey.  Reading stories like yours really does help with making the donor decision.  Thankyou.  The quotes are lovely. I hope one day I too have a similar story to tell xxxx


----------



## bethholm

Thanks Louise- I remember when I started on this thread, several years ago now, we kept each other going and were there for each other. Even when we get there, we never forget the pain and tears it took and that's why I pop in now and again and hope that if even one person is encouraged by my words, then I'm happy.

Don't give up- it WILL happen and the law of averages will have to work at some stage in your favour.

B xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Hi Beth,

Thank you, what beautiful words.  I am in Starbucks and had to hide my tears.

Mon
X


----------



## Cranky Angie

Made me cry too Beth  
So lovely and true. 
Ange xxx


----------



## Jess81

Thanks Beth, I've ways said people see what they want to. I'm excited about our DD cycle and it almost feels like a fresh start. I'm under no illusion that it's going to work first time but surely more hopeful then what we had beforexx


----------



## lil&#039; one

Happy new year, ladies

Long time no post, I know  

Beth - beautiful  

Moncris - hope Argc do their magic for you, we had a consult there and they were very impressive. 

Jess -   this is the cycle for you too.

Sorry for loosing the thread a little.....i'm struggling......

After our failed cycle this year, we decided to do the immunes testing and were convinced that it would be the answer.  We said if nothing was found we wouldn't do any more treatment....well that's exactly what they found, so the decision had been made.
Since then I have struggled and struggled to move on, we have said we will move onto adoption, but I just can't move on.  I'm not even 40, have good eggs each time and good amh and fsh, I just feel it may be too soon to leave hope of a pregnancy either with my own or donor eggs.  My dh on the other hand is 46 and feels differently, sees adoption as the way to go..........and maybe it will be, but i just don't know if the time is now.....and don't want to end up regretting either decision, neither of which has a garuntee.

Anyone got a magic wand or crystal ball?

Lil one


----------



## scribbles

Hi girls, I'm no veteran but could really do with some support.

My first cycle was cancelled this morning as I didn't respond enough to the Menopur. Gutted beyond belief. We can try it again in a few months but I really don't know if I want to, it's so hard and the rockiest road imaginable. It's taken counselling and every ounce of support from DH just to get this far, right now I don't feel strong enough to go through it again. There's no point trying naturally, I rarely ovulate and his SC is quite low. 

I really don't know what to do, DH is gutted and I feel like it's all my fault. The worst thing is that I can still feel the twinges and my ovaries.


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hello Scribbles.. I don't come on here much as I'm waiting for a hysto and shall try again after June. 

I had my first cycle due to poor response to menopur and I was truly gutted (I feel your pain and upset). My clinic at the time just went off my FSH & age not checking my AMH and although this was going back to 2010 when AMH was still fairly new in the fertility world it made me feel so angry, scared and worried as we were self funding everything. Turns out I had low AMH and 3 menopur would never of got my follies to grow! I wanted to start straight again but had to wait a few months, by April I was ready and went with 6 menopur (highest level) and finally got to EC & transfer.. albeit a BFN I now always have a higher dose of 5 menopur so the drugs really can make all the difference. 

I don't get a bumper crop  of eggs anything from 12 to 6 eggs and always some to freeze, I'm still waiting my BFP and this year (6th cycle) & last. 

Be strong, todays pain will ease and you will find the strength to try again.. Keep thinking positive.. We all have to believe that maybe one day we'll be lucky enough to say IVF worked xxx

lil'one.. I also need that magic wand or cystal ball.. It's such a hard rollercoaster.. Bless you xx

Hello to everyone else, hope all is well. 

I'm going for my pre-op tomoz in prep for Hysto on 15th.. I hope they find something that might explain why perfect embies/blasts aren't staying and allowing me to see 2 pink lines.. I dream of them now xxx


----------



## AUSSIE1

Lil one I am a lurker and remember you from a few years ago. I think we started this journey around the same time!

I'm afraid I have no magic wand just a virtual hug for you right now. I know how you feel.

Take care xx

Love and luck to all of you xx


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## Louisej29

Scribbles.  How about changing stimulation drugs from menopur to gonal f ?


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## Michimoo

Beth - your message about your DS was beautiful. 

Wakiki - I'm glad I'm not alone feeling these emotions. It's lovely to know that they subside in time.

Jess - good luck with everything for this cycle.   This is the one for you.

Lil one - I can completely understand where you are coming from. I wish I had a crystal ball too. Hope you can sit down with DH & talk things through a bit more? 

Mon - I'm sure ARGC are the right clinic for you & hopefully they will be able to wave their magic wand.

HBK - hope the hysto pre op goes ok today?

Scribbles - so sorry to hear about your cancelled cycle.  It's not your fault at all & unfortunately all first IVFs are used by clinics as a trial. Then they learn things from this cycle & change things accordingly for the next one. Make sure you have a list of questions to go to your follow up consultation with. Start writing down everything you want to ask them so you don't forget.

Louise - thanks for the link. It's still a big decision for me & something I need to think about for a while.

SL4E - thanks for your thoughts & wishes.

Rory - hope things are progressing well.

Hi to all the other ladies who are not posting at the moment. Rach, Squirrel, Mogster, etc.. 

Afm - birthday blues today. Another year older & still never seen 2 lines. Also DH leaves tonight so sure I'm going to be a snotty mess come 9pm!


----------



## lil&#039; one

Thanks, Aussie

Scribbles, sorry for what you're going through, what was your dose?.  I think the important thing is getting it right to start with.  On a previous cycle they started with too low dose, trying to up it later didn't get a good result.  I hope your ovaries settle, it is sooooooo cruel  

Michi - I was so sad to read your link.  I hope tonight is ok for you without dh.  Maybe spoil yourself with some special food?  Thank you for your kind words, too.

Afm I think i need to accept that we've been through a lot of ivf,  I think maybe it's just part of the grieving  

Lil' one


----------



## Hbkmorris

Michi.. Happy Birthday my sweet.. I know it's been a tough day for you and more so as DH is back to work this evening.  I've thought lots about you  these past few days. Hope you can enjoy a glass of vino tonight or a bottle if your  head desires!! Pre-op was all ok and normal.. BMI's come down although still the heavy end which the nurse or consult seemed to bothered about! Mind you I did have a mare trying to park, a bloody fool couldn't reverse her car so it caused a jam both sides of the road around the hospital so I got out my car and moved it for her.. I was loosing patients then when I drove round to the other car park there was a que longer than Great Wall of china!! Stupid parking guy was a helpful as a choc fire guard so again I got involved by asking why allow people in when clearly there's no chuffin spaces!! In his very dosey face just looked at me and "oh yeah".. Twaddle! Anyhow all set for next Wednesday.. Take care hunni you know where I am xx 

Lil'one.. Feel for you and I looked into adoption, very impressed and I'd of carried on with training if they'd not told me I needed to have at least 6months to a year off work despite working from home. There's so many poor children out there who have had the misfortune of being brought into this world with no care or love.. I shall defiantly re-visit the idea next year and also look into fostering xxx

Love to everyone else xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Hello Ladies,

Nice to hear from you Lil one.  It sounds like a big decision and something to take your time over.  No door is shut for you at the moment so perhaps if you do some more investigating into adoption things might be a little clearer for you.

Hbk, what a nightmare, but well done on parking for her.  Not the stress you need before going in for pre op.  I hope it all goes well.

Michi, happy birthday! I hope you are ok.  Good luck this evening. I am around if you need anything.

Scribbles, that is really really tough.  I was on max menopur and only got 3 eggs and about 9 extra empty follicles.  There are lots of things they can do if this is your first cycle.  Louise is right, it might be the drugs as is hbk about the dose.  There are some great questions in the arcg section at the top about information you need to know that can apply to any clinic.

Hello Aussie, trumpet, Rory, Jess, mogster, Angie, Rach, Louise and anyone else I may have missed.

Afm, thank you for all your good wishes.  Latent tb test today.  I must have given a body full of blood there by now with all the tests...  I find out next week if I go on to humira or have tb.

Hugs to all,
Mon
X


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## seemedlike4eva

Good evening gang,
Mich hope the birthday blues soon fade, that's something I really suffered with, espescially when I hit the dreaded 40.
Lil One, we were on the verge of looking into long-term fostering when we did this cycle, I just had to give it one last shot before we moved on.
HBK, hope the hysto goes well, and if it shows anything, they solve it there n then.
Scribbles, welcome, and sorry you've hit the bumps so early in your journey - 'fraid I know very little about the drugs aspect, as only ever had clomid as didn't do OE IVF.
When #12 OE/DS IUI failed and we realised that we would need IVF, there was a documentary on BBC about DE treatment, so I did some research, looking at success rates, costs etc - at 41, I think stats only gave me 5-10% chance whereas donor increased that to 60%. Abroad was cheaper and easier to organise, plus we could disguise treatment as holidays. Emotionally? Not too difficult, we saw it just as a donation of 8 cells which held the potential to become our child. It also brought DH much more onside as just using DS with my eggs, he didn't feel involved but this made us equal. Ever since the BFP, he's been as proud as punch, & worships LO. No-one outside family & 2 very close friends know, but LO is the spitting image of DH. 
I've had 2 doctors over the years say to me that medicine will only ever be 99% of the story, the hand of God will always hold the other 1%, and the consultant at the clinic held a similar opinion that a well-primed healthy endometrium would eventually accept healthy embryos, just keep trying. Of course financial and emotional resources are finite, and sadly these often run short before prayers are answered.
 for lots of 2014 bumps and babes - you deserve it xxxxx


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Sorry I haven't been around for a while.  As I am working on sorting my thyroid out and taking a break from IVF I have been enjoying forgetting about my infertility for a little while.

Congrats to all of those who have recently had babies, have babies due soon or have had recent successful scans - you give us all hope.

Scribbles - unfortunately the first cycle is always a bit of a test as they need to figure out how you respond.  Also depending on your issues, more drugs doesn't always mean more eggs.  I was on max dose drugs in my early cycles and had hardly any eggs and they were poor quality yet in September had my best yield yet on low dose drugs (not many by other people's standards but I got 7 mature eggs and 4 embryos - my best ever).

Mich - read your posts and your diary and gutted for you.  Like you I have never ever had a positive pregnancy test and I know it probably seems stupid to others as I know chemicals and miscarriages are no picnic but like you I always hope for just a positive without even thinking beyond that just to give me hope I have the potential to get pregnant.  Reasons for wanting a child are very personal to each of us and for me I definitely just want to be a parent no matter what but I do understand the sadness you feel about DE.  We are definitely considering this as a next step but meeting my baby sister recently who is the double of me even though she is a half sibling did make me feel sad that I may not have my own child who I can see myself in.  But at the end of the day my sister looks more like me than her own mother so there is no guarantee that resemblance will be there and it's not the most important thing about being a parent, it is more than anything about nurturing and children pick up mannerisms, values and personality traits from their parents which is a far more important legacy to pass on.  This route may not be right for you but see how you feel in a few months and I guess you need to weigh it up versus not being a parent.

Lil One - adoption is a huge decision so I think you are wise to take your time.  What I will say is I have two friends who have both adopted two children.  One in particular had IUI, IVF and 4 miscarriages, one of which was very late in the pregnancy.  She truly went to hell and back.  Initially they were unsure about adoption but after deciding to remain childless after several months they changed their mind.  They adopted two gorgeous baby sisters and seeing them now as a happy Family is wonderful.  My friend said she loves them dearly and just as much as if they were her own and she knows this because she went through pregnancies and although her babies didn't survive she got to hold one of them so she still experienced that feeling of being a genetic parent.  She said if anything because of everything they had to go through her love for her children feels even more special and precious which makes me refer back to Beth's beautiful quotes.  Only you can decide and its a tough process adoption - much worse than IVF according to my Friends experience but also worth it.

I probably won't be on for a while but will keep checking back and good luck to all of you whatever your decisions.

Big love and hugs to all of you.

Adios for now,

Love Trumpet xxx


----------



## Trumpet

Ps good luck to Moncris and Jess for your impending cycles xxx


----------



## rory2011

Moncris, hope your results come back with good news
Trumpet, hope you get your thyroid sorted, enjoy the break, sometimes it is need! 
Hbk good luck with your hysto 

Lil one, give yourself time, there's no rush to go into adoption at this moment in time...I think they like you to have had a decent break from ivf before approaching adoption, as someone said, you haven't closed  the door on ivf, just exploring another avenue. 

Michimoo, hope you are doing ok, it's so sad to get to another year older and no bfp. Fx that next year you're either be preggers or perhaps even have a little one! 

Scribbles, sometimes changing meds or trying different doses does the trick. I seemed to do much better on a low dose of a different drug. I have a lowing amh and had several cycles on 300 menopur but did just as well on 150 of fostimon. It is just down to trail and error sometimes. Good luck with your next cycle.

Jess good luck with your cycle. Fx This is the one! 

Beth, sl4e, Louise, Waikiki , Angie, rach, mobster and anyone else reading hello!
Afm things still seem to be going well. Still can't believe I am pregnant and too scared to put a ticker on here in case I jinx it. I don't want to wish my life away but will be glad when baby is here.


----------



## M0ncris

Thanks Trumpet, I will miss you but take the time you need.

Thank you Rory as well.  I think you should update your signature even if you don't want a ticker.  Where are you now time wise? I can't remember.

Are you dr yet Jess?  How do they do dd?

Seemslike4eva, how is it going?

Michi, how are you getting on?

Scribbles, are you ok?

Hello everyone else.

I have high cytokines so will need humira, just waiting for my tb test now...  I don't mind a bit of a delay as work is v busy.

Hugs,
Mon
X


----------



## Louisej29

Hey all

Rory- great news for you and I'd be the same abou the ticker. ! When I was pregnant I was too scared to even look at any of the pregnancy threads in case it all went wrong.  Glad I didn't now!  So was this your fifth attempt??  Would you say there was anything different you did fifth time round for it to work? 

Love to everyone xx


----------



## Jess81

Trumpet, thank you. U sometimes need to take time out, I know I do! 
Mon, I started northisterine tablets yesterday, I don't think this is because of dd just think this is how CRGW do short protocol. I've never done SP before so it's all very new and strange to me... Still doesn't feel like I've started tx and don't think it will until I actually start the injections, but only 2 weeks of buserilin and I'm taking progynova with them so hopefully no side effects!! I'm also getting intralipids done, has anyone else had these?? 

Hope everyone is ok xxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi all hope you all well. Jess I  had I intralipids this time and last. They're really pretty straightforward just set you on a drip into your arm or hand with a cannula. It takes about 45 minutes and isn't painful or anything. In fact I used to take my book along! I think the worst thing is finding out where to get them done. I live on a very remote island so I got them done at my local hospital, but the ladies on here should be able to help you. 
Good luck, any questions just shout. 
Ange x


----------



## rory2011

Louise I had hyst before this cycle as well as intralipids and neupogen. Not sure which helped the most. 

Jess intralipids were ok, the clinic I go to felt it had really increased their pregnancy rates. 

Moncris, I hope your tab test comes back ok. We ended up taking a 14/15 month break from ivf whilst getting all sorts of testing done. I think I needed it although in the last 6 months I felt like I was ready to go again. I am now 15 weeks.


----------



## M0ncris

Ooh Rory how exciting!

I don't mind a bit of a break to get my head around it all again and get myself in better shape, although I did have a glass of wine tonight.

Jess, great stuff, I've done the short protocol and it doesn't always feel like you've got there emotionally before you are on to the next step but you might find the change is what you need to make a bit of a break with the past.

Hope you are ok Louise, I know you start soon.

Love to all,
Mon
X


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## Mogster

Morning everyone,
How are you all?
Sorry it's a bit of a me post but just had my 6th BFN! We had 2 good blasts from our last cycle that both survived the thaw. I'm 9dp5dt and again just one line on the stick. It was such a dark line as well. Felt like it was laughing in my face saying ha ha the test works unlike you! Again no tears here. Didn't cry in the summer and don't feel like crying now. It's almost as though my emotions have given up. Don't get me wrong I am desperate for a baby but I just can't seem to cry about myself anymore. Not sure of our next step but I'm sure a plan will form at some point. I've already been looking into adoption but obviously you have to have a 6 month gap after treatment. I can see why but even if I was lucky enough to have a child of my own then we would still want to adopt. I've kind of always known that adoption is something I need to do. Maybe we will have another cycle? Who knows. Won't be for a while though as money will need to be found/saved. It scares me how quickly time passes and as it does the older we all get. Life can be cruel it really can.

Again sorry it's just about me x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Oh Mogster I'm  so sorry to read of your news this morning.  .. DAMN IVF stinks! It truly becomes the most unfair roller coaster to which I dislike with passion!! 

So you know the drill chicken, give yourself time, let this horrible time pass only in a few weeks/months will you know where the road will take you next. 

After my last bfn I felt numb for days, had no emotion not even a tear as it was just another test day with the same ffffin result! I don't have any advise on where to go from here as I'm still scratching my head thinking of that one! Will you have a consultation with your consultant to discuss it further? God bless you honey.. My love & thoughts are with you. 

P.s I'm not sure two pink lines exist either or even the letters BFP really do mean something!! 

Xxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Oh Mogster im so sorry it's a bfn for you too. Are you having a blood test to confirm or just the pee stick?
I know how you feel as I've had my 6th failed on NYE. 
Not sure where I turn next either. Sending you massive hugs & so sorry once again.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## M0ncris

Oh Mogster, I am so so sorry.  My heart bleeds for you.  I am thinking of you and sending you hugs.

Mon
X


----------



## Cranky Angie

So sorry Mogster, it's the worst feeling, been there so many times. Massive hugs. 
Ange xxxx


----------



## rory2011

Mobster, so sorry. Big hugs xx


----------



## rory2011

Sorry auto text, mogster


----------



## Jess81

So sorry to hear that mogster, big hugs xx


----------



## Trumpet

Mogster, please don't apologise about your post!  I feel so sad for you and along with you and some of the others I know how horrible it is to just keep seeing negative pregnancy tests.  I have an irrational fear of the bloody things as I hate with a passion seeing the one line or the not pregnant phrase popping up on the digital.  I don't know how to advise you really.  I still have 4 embryos frozen but I am looking more and more at information about adoption and egg donation.  I would adopt tomorrow if my DH was more keen.  Think we have to exhaust everything else before he will be ready to accept it as an option.  I just feel I want to be a Mum and care less and less about how I get there.  The lack of tears may be down to a self preserving mechanism.  Have you considered counselling?  I went for a few sessions last summer after a BFN left me devastated and it helped me sort my head out.  Sending a big hug and wish I had some more helpful words of wisdom to share!

 
Trumpet xxx


----------



## Louisej29

Mogster.  Sending big hugs lovely, this is a bloody cruel journey and know how much you'll be hurting right now.  Take time and look after yourself 

Lots of love. Louise xxxx


----------



## Sarapd

Mogster - so sorry to hear that. Hope you're ok. Sadly, we all know what it's like. We're all here for you.
Sara. xx


----------



## Mogster

Just a quick post to say thank you to each and every one of you for your kind messages. You are all amazing and I am so glad to have found people like you who understand and can offer the support I need.

I'm feeling ok about it all. Tested again today but OTD is officially tomorrow. Will call the clinic tomorrow but won't stop the drugs until end of tomorrow. I have parents evening at work on Wednesday so want that day out of the ways before the dreaded AF symptoms start. Not looking forward to that! I'm also on steriods this time so will have to stop them slowly. 

Kind of forming a plan for the future which includes another cycle but not for at least 6 months. Need at least that long to save the pennies. Guessing it will be another year without a holiday. Going to attend another open evening for adoption so that when we go along that route we know who we want to register with.

Thank you again everyone and good luck to you all wether you are already pregnant, have your baby, are starting treatment, are between cycles or are in limbo. For what we have all been through we deserve to be parents however we get there. I will be around so keep posting your updates so I can help and support you like you do to me.

Take care everyone x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Mogster,    .
I don't get online as much as I'd like to, but this is always the first thread I read. I remember my 1st preg test, and bless DH he got all excited at the single line cos he didn't realise that you needed 2...... then I just gave up looking for the 2nd line, if I even bothered to test after some of the IUIs.
Rory, I never had a ticker at all - at the beginning it was not to jinx anything, then total lack of technical ability   
Went to a funeral today, and have another one tomorrow morning, and have heard of several other deaths in the community, not an ideal start to the year, but positive things must lie ahead.
I'm back at my very part-time work, and seems strange to have stepped off the tx rollercoaster, no 'special holidays' to plan, budgets to work out, constantly check flight/hotel prices etc.
   Please God bless my dear friends with BFPs x


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies,
Sorry for me post!  I'm off to clinic today for scan, endo scratch, planning and mock et! I've been on northisterone for 3 weeks but my body has decided not to play ball because I've been bleeding for the last few days and I shouldn't have bled at all so I'm worried it's all going to get cancelled! Has anyone else had this? 

Hopefully ET will be around 17th February so not long to go now if it all goes to plan! 

Will let you all know what happens xxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hi Jess.. That's very strange, I'd of thought no bleed at all on northisterone unless you've had a break from it or it's like being on Buserelin on the DR you do get a natural bleed prior to stimms. 

Good luck with scan, endo scratch and mock et.. you'll be fine. 

Hello to everyone, hope you are all ok. Well I've made the biggest decision yet along my IVF journey to date.. I'm going to leave my 8 frozen eggs in the freezer for doubt any will that let alone fertilise! I'm also leaving my two frosties as I'm also worried they won't thaw or even may end up being poor quality and as money is very tight for me I need to consider what journey gives me the best success results so I'm off to Dogus in Cyprus for DD.. I've had all the information and I've got all my prices.. I'm looking to send over my deposit in the next few weeks then chose my donors and plan treatment end of the year when I've raised the balance of money. 

I finally feel relieved I've made the decision and I now I know after having my hysto that my handbag is all clear this has to be my best chance in full filling my dream.. fingers & toes crossed xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Jess, I've taken norethisterone many times over the years to delay AF for holidays etc and not bled while on it.    it's not going to scupper the cycle.
HBK, that's the route we had to take after balancing up finances and chances of success, look forward to following this new stage of your journey and of course meeting up with you AND baby(ies) xx
Is everyone OK? It's gone quiet round here.....


----------



## Jess81

Thanks HBK and SL4E, all ok they said it might have been becUse I took them all in the morning and not spread out throughout the day, ho hun it's all done now. Did my baseline scan too so just have to call on day 1 and then can start meds day 2 and 3. Got intralipids on my lining scan too. 

HBK we are also doing DD and it feels like a fresh start and we are really relaxed about it all. 

Hope all is ok with everyone xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Oh that's great news Jess.. how exciting new fresh start. 

If you don't mind me asking where are you having your tx? I'm looking a dogus only because they are a lot cheaper although I need to save up so might not be till the end of the year.. I just wish I'd thought about it sooner rather than wasting so much money on my own cycles despite having what they call fantastic embryos xx


----------



## Jess81

HBK we are at CRGW in Wales, it's £1000 per egg and £495 for sperm. Drugs aren't included but mine were only £80!! Everything else is all included. They are all really lovely might well be worth a call xx


----------



## rory2011

Hbk glad you have made a decision, sounds like a good plan. Lots of people go to serum and I think Czech Republic too for dd treatment. See what's best for you.

Jess sorry about your bleeding, I have never been on the drug so can't help.

Sl4e how's your little one?

Afm, getting fat, which is reassuring. Only 3 and a bit weeks to go till 20 week scan. I really want it to be July soon....don't really want to wish my life away but will be glad when lo is here.

Hope everyone is ok!


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Jess - sorry you have been bleeding but your clinic sounds great so I am sure everything will go to plan!  Good luck with the cycle and keep us posted.

HBK - I am really pleased you have made a decision and are happy with it.  Like you I have had a lot of cycles and I know at some point soon it will be time to move on for me too as I am getting to the point I just want to be a Mum and I don't really care how.  I think this is a really positive move and I feel excited for you.

Rory - wow I can't believe you are 17 weeks - seems to have whiz zed by.  Really happy for you though.  Keep us posted as it's nice to have a reminder that good things do happy.

AFM - been feeling pretty crap as after 7 weeks on my thyroid medication I have gone from hyperthyroid to hypothyroid which has made me feel dreadful.  I have had to stop the meds until I see the specialist endocrinologist next week.  Also my recent results show high levels of thyroid antibodies which suggests Graves' disease.  Treatable but can take a long time and I can't consider continuing fertility treatment until it's fixed.  Also it's am autoimmune condition linked to infertility including an autoimmune condition that attacks your ovaries (fits in with my ovarian prognosis of low egg count and quality) so now I am thinking I may have a general immune issue that may be preventing me getting pregnant in various ways! Trying not to google too much but I am making sure I prepare lots of questions for the Consultant as I don't want to miss something that could be really significant and I also need to understand how am I going to get this fixed as fast as possible as waiting 2 years to resume fertility treatment is not an option.  Anyway will keep you posted.  On a positive note I feel a lot better since I went part time...so much less stressed, happier and calmer despite the health issues around feeling physically rubbish at the moment. It makes me think no wonder none of my cycles worked when I was so stressed and exhausted all the time.

Hi to everyone else - Michimoo, Mogster, Cranky Angie, Lil One, SL4E, Squirrel etc.  I guess it's gone quite quiet on this thread as I know many of us have had a particularly tough time of late and sometimes just need a break from it all.  I know sometimes I just want to forget I even have fertility issues.  I hope those of you faced with tough decisions or recent bad news are doing ok?

Take care,

Love Trumpet xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Hello All,

It's nice to hear from you all.  I haven't had much news which is why I haven't posted.

Rory, wow 17 weeks, so so cool, please do keep us posted.

Jess, sorry for the extra up and down but glad it has all worked out and you are going ahead,  again do keep us posted.

Hbk, great news that you know what your next move is.  We have never been lucky enough to get frosties so I can't imagine how tough that decision is.  When do you plan to start?

Sl4e - how is it all going?

Trumpet, so glad you are feeling better after going part time, and so sorry you have had such thyroid issues.  What is the treatment you have to go through? It sounds so tough for you, I hope you are able to look after yourself.

Love to everyone else, hope you are all ok.

Afm, I took my first humira injection last Friday and have felt no different.  Next one is next week.  So not much to report.

Hugs to you all,
Mon
X


----------



## Cranky Angie

Hi All, hope everyone is ok. 
Sorry to hear about your thyroid problems trumpet, omg you have really been through it of late, but I guess at least it goes some way to explaining the infertility. I wouldn't worry too too much about the age issue, I was the same as you, panicking when I hit 40 but actually I was 46 when I finally got pregnant again and it's fine. I did have to use DE and I did worry what people would think, but you know everyone is so pleased for me nobody has even mentioned my age (to my face!!  )  I hope you start to get things sorted soon, I'm glad going part time has eased the pressure a bit. 

Sorry moncris Humira is one injection I have not taken so I'm not sure what that is for? Hope you are ok. Does that mean you are cycling soon? 

HBK sounds like you have made a brave but wise decision. We too made the switch to DE about 3 years ago after 3 failed OE attempts. Financially and emotionally I just couldn't deal with any more disappointment when all I wanted was to complete my family. Actually in hindsight I wish I'd made the switch earlier. 

Good luck Jess with your plans, hi to Rory (I think we must have a similar due date  ) and hi to SL4E hope the LO is making you smile. 

Love to everyone. 
Ange xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Hi Angie, glad you are doing ok.  Humira is to treat immune issues and I take the follow up injection next Friday, then wait two weeks, go back for another blood test and then see where we are.  So I guess potentially cycling in mid March if all goes to plan.

Hugs to all,
M
X


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Thanks for your messages.

Moncris - good luck with the humira. I am keen to know more about it as i am starting to suspect I may have immune issues.

Cranky - thanks for the kind words.  I think I feel panicky about time as after 6 cycles I feel rather drained and I have mentally prepared myself for this being my last year definitely with my own eggs but I am not sure how much longer I want to carry on with treatment as it is so draining and gets harder and harder.  Also now I seem to have lining issues I worry if even DE will be an option for us.  Trying not to think about it at the moment as I can't do anything so will worry about that later.  So pleased your pregnancy is going well for you.  I have everything crossed.

Hi to everyone else and good luck with whatever you are doing.

AFM - had more tests and it looks like the cause of my thyroid problems is Graves Disease.  I will get the final blood test results during my appointment with the Endocrinologist on Wednesday so think they will confirm then.  It's an autoimmune condition where your body forms antibodies against the thyroid.  Going to discuss the treatment options with the Consultant but none are a quick fix and I have struggled with my current meds while they try and figure out the correct dosage so switching from hyperthyroid into hypothyroid hasn't been much fun.  Still at least I should have a confirmed diagnosis on Wednesday and then I can agree a treatment plan with the Doctor.

Take care all,

Love Trumpet xxx


----------



## Macgyver

lil' one said:


> Our plan is to look at adoption, we went to an open day a while back and got a great ffeeling about it.
> I may not be online too much as I find it very hard to now, things are difficult at work with a pg colleague being exceptionally unkind to me so just hanging on to it all.
> 
> Will always be thinking of you and  for you all.
> 
> Thank you for helping through dark times
> 
> Lil' one


Hi lil ' one

I just wanted to say I have been where you are and do feel of you. I just wanted you to know that my son is now asleep in his cot, and I count my blessings everyday that he is here. He came home 5 months ago and it's like he has always been here.
Miracles do happen, and they happen with adoption xx


----------



## M0ncris

Hi all,

Macgyver, what a lovely post.  Thank you.

Trumpet, do pm me if you want more info on humira.  One of the few times in my life I have been hoping to get ill...  Sorry to hear about the Graves' disease. Did the doctor confirm and do you have a plan? For some reason I always feel a bit better when they know what it is as that sometimes seems to be half the battle.

Ladies, hope you are all well.  Jess, how's treatment?  Angie, Rory, how are you both feeling?  Michi, are you ok?  Squirrel, mogster, waikiki, Lil one, Rachel, Beth, sl4e and everyone else, love to you all.

Mon
X


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Mon it's going well I think.. Now off the tablets and on buserilin and progynova. Got my lining scan on the 15th... Hoping this will go as it should do so they can thaw eggs and sperm on the 19th. DH's gran died on Tuesday so it's been a bit of a panic trying to arrange et to avoid the funeral on the 25th but I'm hoping we will manage it! 

How is everyone else xx


----------



## rory2011

Trumpet, hope your appt went well. Hope it means your treatment gets sorted soon and you feel better.

Jess good luck for your cycle xx
Moncris hope all is well with you, how is the humoral going? 

Afm no more news just waiting for anomaly scan  in 2 weeks time.
Hi to hbk, sl4e, lil one, Beth, macgyver, michimoo, squirrel, cranky Angie and everyone ewho's reading xx


----------



## Louisej29

Another failed cycle for me. .  Onto number six now.  Absolutely drained with it all x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hello everyone, hope you are all well. 

Sorry to hear it's a negative Louisej29.. Darn IVF is truly draining not only on ourselves but the purse strings. I've decided to look abroad and go for double donor as the negative cycles keep multiplying despite having great looking embryo's blasts. I hope you find the strength to fight on.. big   to you x

Rory2011.. Lovely to hear from you, hope you are doing ok x

Jess.. Sorry to hear the sad news.. Hope DH is doing ok, my nan is 93 and is in hospital not doing very well so my heart goes out to you all. Not long now for your scan, exciting times and something to look forward to x

M0ncris.. Hope you are well. It has been a really tough decision but I think for financial reason's spent £1500 on FET & immunes drugs with only two in the freezer is so risky and I came to the decision that I'd rather put that money towards donor egg. If fresh hasn't worked then I do really wonder if frozen would. I've also got 8 frozen eggs from 2012 but again using them was going to cost me £2,500 and there's no guarantee they survive let alone fertilise. With both combining costs and success rates it just wasn't something I feel I can truly consider.. Success results being between 10%-20% apposed to 70-80% with DD.. No brainer for me.

MacGyver.. So lovely to hear of your bundle of joy home safe and sound. I looked into adoption and would never rule it out as I will become a mummy one way or the other x

Trumpet.. So sorry to read the news about Graves Disease, I don't really know what it is and I'll look it up on Google.. How will they treat that? Have you had your consultation with your consultant? Thank you for your kind words.. I feel at ease knowing I've made the best choice possible for me, with the highest possible success rate. 

Crankie Angie.. Hello flower, thank you for your well wishes. Yep I think I'm going to of wished I moved onto the decision sooner.. I just wish I had a pot of £££ to go sooner rather than later. I fear it's going to be the end of the year before I can raise the money in which time I need to also lose a few Ibs or even stone!! x

AFM, I'm just plodding on trying to save money though difficult when so many things need doing in the house. I keep wishing for a lottery win   xxx


----------



## Louisej29

Hkb Morris. When you put it that way with the stats it really is a no brainer isn't it!  Where abouts are you going for your sixth one? Let's hope number six is a lucky number for us both!!


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hi Louise, I'm heading to Dogus in Cyprus. I've researched to the hilt all clinics ranging from uk to overseas and then the overseas clinic's. After speaking with 5 clinics I felt more at ease with Dogus and Julie the coordinator answered all my questions and more. 

I've made some friends from theDogus thread and they are all going March, April & May so they are my guinea pigs  , I hope they report back with good news and positive stories. 

It was the success rate that really brought it to light with me. I can't spend anymore money (after already spending £30k) on wasted cycles and just not getting anywhere. My consultant was really thorough with me and explained the simplest of things.. He said "This is the way to look at it, success rate here in UK and with what you have are not going to be higher than 20% costing you alot more ££, the option of DE will give you a 70-80% chance and costing you a lot less". He then went on to point out an embryo/blast is just a mass of cells, once implanted inside me it's my blood and fluids that make it a baby and that same blood and fluid will be in that child for life therefore is really is my child and not to think of it being from DE.. With that in my mind it became my burning desire to move forward and get on with it. So that's where I'm at.. Waiting to raise the ££ then I'll be off with lots of   flowing. 

I don't know if anyone can recall but I had my Hysto in Jan and I've had a letter today to say that my biopsies have come back normal and that the hysto was totally clear despite removing two very small fibroids and performing a D&C.. I just wondered how long after such procedure you got your AF as I'm on day 29 and normally bleed on day 23-25 and I don't even have a glimmer of it starting.. Normally get sore (.)(.) and nothing.. xxx


----------



## Louisej29

I had a hysto in November and af was only a few days later than normal. Great news that everything came back normal and clear.  Hopefully it will arrive soon xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Bless you thanks you for the info.. I did have some light bleeding a few days later but nothing I'd call to be my AF.. Wish she would hurry up and show her face that's for sure!! 

I meant to ask what are your plans next? xx

My other reason for going with DE is due to my age, I'm 40 in June and really can't risk it all going pearshaped with age being so in your face! Here's hoping it really is lucky no 6 for us both xxx


----------



## Louisej29

Swaying between "one more go" with OE or moving straight to de. Can't decide. We Have an appointment with penny in serum in 2 weeks for scan consultation sperm tests etc so will see what she says. Bit apprehensive about going abroad but she seems to have fantastic reviews and know I can't keep shelling out crazy money to the lister with no success.  Each cycle with icsi/imsi , high dosage drugs all in has cost the best part of ten grand so we've spent about 50,000 now- re mortgaged to the hilt!!!  Makes me feel Sick how much we've spent. 

Can't quite seem to give up on my OE yet though know I probably should so think maybe one more go--- !  Sixth time lucky! This one is on the credit card!


----------



## Hbkmorris

Well I know how you feel as I wasn't really ready to give up with OE but I know this really is my last chance so something drastic has to change, same as you money isn't there in abundance therefore every penny counts. I also have sicky waves and more sleepless night worrying of money.. especially now I'm on my own. 

I know this is of no comfort and I also know that your mc have been immensely upsetting but one thing that is positive is that you do get implantation and although the poor things slip away from you but your body does know what a pregnancy means.. I'm sure mine hasn't got a Scooby doo.. I've never seen the words nor do I believe two pink lines exist. 

Are you having all the immunes support drugs? Clexane, Pred, Gestone & Intralipids? I'm on them all, it was just a thought as I know Penny pretty much says it's all or nothing. My GP was kind enough to get everything on px for me.. well apart from Intralipids which cost me £170 each and last time I had 3 xx


----------



## Louisej29

Oh didn't realise you were on your own, that must be tough at times and I hope you have a great support of friends and family around you.  I would not have hesitated to do it in my own if I'd had to. 

Yes I do take some comfort from the 2 (v short!) pregnancies I've had and as hard as this bfn was I told myself it was better than going through another mc. Not sure I could have handled a third one.  I do hope you get to see those 2 pink lines flash up soon !! 

Yep on all of those. Claxeane . Pred. Gestone and intralipids. The works!!  Not quite  sure what the missing ingredient is. Wish I'd frozen my eggs in my twenties.  Hindsight hey!


----------



## M0ncris

Hello all,

Louise,  I am so so sorry.  Glad you are going to serum but sorry you need to.  Happy to let you know about arcg if you want to pm me.  Am thinking of you.  Not sure if it makes you feel any better but freezing eggs wasn't that great five/ten yrs ago (am guessing your age as can't remember it so hope I haven't just put my foot in it!). Technology keeps improving even in the time that I've done my cycles.  Hopefully this will be the time for you and hbk both.

Hbk, glad the decision has been made and you have a plan.  Must be really tough to be on your own but on the other hand you get to make your own decisions.  When are you planning to cycle?  Glad other ladies were able to help you with your Hysto question.

Jess, so sorry about dh gran.  What a sad time.  Good luck with your lining scan and with the et.  Hope it all sorts itself out timing wise.

Rory hope all goes well at your scan.  Glad to hear all is quiet.

Love to everyone else.

Afm, second humira injection yesterday, had stomach aches but apart from that, no symptoms or side effects.  The timing has worked out quite well as I have been massively busy and stressed at work.

Love to you all,
Mon
X


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hi ladies, 

I was with my ex for 8 years and had 4 cycles with him, the 4th BFN really broke us apart as my desire for children over powered his due to him already having kids. This meant I was faced with a very hard decision but again one I know I had to face and I'm so pleased I did. I've waited for my prince charming but they all seem to be frogs despite kissing them lots!   

My friends that are around me now give me their full support (I've lost a few with me following my dreams & heart) and my family are amazing with them I'd not be here today with such determination. 

Well it's a savings game and I'd like to get my 40th birthday out the way first then I plan to head off in September/October.. I'm asking for cash only for my birthday and what a wonder 40th birthday prezzy it would be if I saw those pink lines everyone talks about.  

Louise, I truly deeply wish you hadn't had to face such upsetting times with the mc's.. life really is so cruel at times.. May the 6th one be a big one and twins all the way   x

Mon, you brave lady.. Humira is a little nasty sometimes and very expensive I hear. Fingers & toes crossed for you xx


----------



## Louisej29

Hbkmorris.  I admire you for following your hearts desire. That must have been a terrible time.  

Life begins at 40, so they say! What a perfect birthday present that would be indeed!!  And twins- that would be my ultimate dream!!  Hope everything works out---- and that you find mr right along the way ! Xx 

Hugs to everyone ! Xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Still reading!
Donor eggs and donor sperm, took us 2 frozen and 2 fresh cycles to get there, but we have our baby girl, who's 17 weeks 2moro. It also made a huge difference to our relationship, as our problem was initially just male factor, and using just donor sperm my DH wasn't fully onboard, but once we were on that equal footing he changed completely, and he's besotted with LO.
It was 100% the numbers game and dwindling finance that pushed us.
Jess, exciting few weeks tinged with sadness   
Trumpet, I have the opposite auto-immune thyroid, Hashimoto's, hope it settles down for you soon.
Rory, glad all is well, and may it continue that way! and for Ange too !
Hello Louise   
Moncris, keeping everything crossed that the humira brings your immunes into line so that you can plan your next cycle.
Michi,    sending lots of love your way.
HBK, we WILL be having a picnic with our LOs soon   
Squirrel, Lil One, Rach  Beth  
Waikiki, can't be long now, looking forward to your news
LIfe for me - DH & I on antibiotics for chest infections, thankfully LO is OK, catching up with her growth & development now xx


----------



## waikiki

Hi everyone,

Just a quick message to let you know that Callum Thomas (4lb 6oz) and Marcus Andrew (7lb 2oz) arrived yesterday at 10:41 & 10:43am. Both boys are in NICU at the moment getting a bit of extra help as they arrived a bit early, but are generally doing well.

I was one of the early members on this thread and honestly never thought I would get to post a birth announcement. It took us 8 years, 10 IVFs and an amount of determination that only you ladies can understand. I hope from the bottom of my heart that you all reach your dream soon, as no one deserves it more than you amazing ladies.

Xxx waikiki


----------



## M0ncris

Waikiki, many many congratulations to you all. So glad Callum and Marcus have arrived safely and hopefully will be home with you soon.


Mon
X


----------



## Louisej29

Waikiki.  What wonderful news to read.  Huge congratulations.  So pleased your dream came true and you never gave up along the way!  It pays to persevere !!  Where did you do your successful cycle?

Seemedlike4eva.  Congratulations ass well.  So nice to hear of happy endings at the end of this nightmare journey! 

We are still deciding where to do number six.  Looking at serum, also shady grove. And Prague as well.  Can't decide!! Also can't decide whether to do "one more try" or now move to de.  Have a few consultations next week so I guess we will know soon enough

Hope everyone doing ok xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Good Morning ladies, 

Many Congratulations on the news of Callum & Marcus.. So very happy for you, may you all soon be back home enjoying your lives together.          

SL4E.. Lovely to hear from you, sorry you're feeling a little unwell.. Bless LO.. lots of love to you and I truly hope you are right.. We need that picnic meet up  

M0ncris.. Hello to you, hope you are doing ok? 

Louisej29.. I hope the forthcoming consultations give you some peace of mind, don't forget to start writing that list of questions.. I'm sure my consultants used to look at me and roll their eyes  :  when they saw my pad being pulled out  

Love and luck to everyone else.. Thank goodness it's Thursday.. I'm so tired.. Have a lovely day xx


----------



## rory2011

Waikiki congratulations on the birth of your boys, hope they get to go home soon. Hope you're doing well too!


----------



## pinkpixie

Waikiki from another old timer huge congratulations. You can now believe it


----------



## M0ncris

Hello all,

Longer post this time.

Waikiki, I said it before but great news, congrats!

Hbk, sorry to hear you are so tired,  one more day til the weekend.

Louise, so glad you posted, I was wondering how you were.  It's good to get a variety of opinions I think.

Sl4e, sorry to hear you are both ill.  Here's to a speedy recovery.

Rory, hope all is well.

Afm, I think the humira is having some kind of effect as I have been pale, tired and a little dizzy.  Back in for blood tests at beginning of march.

Hugs to all,
Mon
X


----------



## bethholm

Waikiki - from another old timer too- massive congratulations on the birth of your precious boys.

Ladies- keep the faith- it took me 8 IVFs- and eventually, Peny at Serum worked her magic. It will work for you.

B x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

waikiki -     many, many congratulations on the safe arrival of your boys. Enjoy every second of having them xxx


----------



## Louisej29

Beth.  Congratulations as well ! It's always so heartening to hear about people who have gone on to have success after multiple fails! Gives me such hope ! 

Mon. Hope you feel better soon x 

Have a nice day everyone x


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Waikiki congrats on your boys hun! 
Mon hope you are feeling better. 
How is everyone else? 
Afm..... I had my lining scan today and it was 11mm which she said was very good so I'm pleased. I'm to start gestone on Tuesday and clexane and predisilone on weds! The big thaw is Tuesday with et either fri or Sunday    Sunday!!! 

Xxx


----------



## Sarapd

Waikiki - congratulations!  What wonderful news for you.  Hope everything is ok.

Well it's another BFN for us.  Once again started bleeding exactly when AF was due.  Was on 50mg Gestone, 1 Cyclogest, 40mg Clexane and 10mg Prednisolone.  And had intralipids and endo scratch.  Upped to 3 Cyclogest and still carried on bleeding.  This has happened on all 3 fresh cycles and I also bled early on FET.  Have done 2, 5 and 6 day transfers.  We're seeing our consultant tomorrow.  We can't afford ARGC but we may go to see them for a consultation to see what they think we should do.  Anybody else have any thoughts about what may be wrong or what to think about?

Sorry for the 'me' post - I'm finding it hard today.

Hope everyone else is ok.  At least it's not raining today.

Sara. xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Oh Sarah, I'm sorry to read your post    I had high hopes for you being with ARGC.. I would question why they only put you on 50mg of gestone and not 100mg as you should bleed with that level. My body doesn't absorb cyclogest at all even on 3 a day so that's why I was put on 100mg which I thought was pretty standard. 

Also if you have raised NK cells why only be on 10mg rather than 20mg. your clexane levels are right though.. I know what I've said isn't any major input buts it's something I'd be keen on asking. 

Like you and I think I've told you before I've had fantastic quality in terms of embryo/blasts and still non of mine have stuck so I'm going to try DE.. just can't fully make up my mind where although Dogus is a favour at the mo. 

God bless you.. I truly hope someone can give you more advise. It's SO unfair bigs hugs and a glass of wine later xx


----------



## Louisej29

Hi Sara

Spoke on the over 40 thread and so sorry Hun , I'd agree with h d k Morris that maybe your levels of those drugs should have been higher- where did you do your cycle? 

I know how disheartening this all is and how you'll be feeling. Our fifth bfn last week hit us v v hard indeed and like h b k Morris we are now toying with de. It is soooooo hard when you are told your embies are great and grade one And all seems good but it is still not working.  

A consultation at argc sounds a good idea. 

Sending big hugs xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Oh Sara, I'm so sorry.  It's such a tough journey.  

I would definitely go for a consultation at argc, speaking as someone who is there.  Pm me if you want some more details about it.  They really know their stuff and it may be that they can suggest some other things for you.  The biggest cost is the immune stuff and the monitoring which adds up,but see what they say, as if you have had lots of tests at other places, you may not need it all.  I don't know enough about the drugs that you were on but my last cycle they gave me pregnyl 3 days and 6 days after transfer to support implantation etc so that might be something to ask about.

Jess, how exciting.  Please keep us posted.

Louise, its so tough, I have found it much harder to get over my chem preg since the mmc and I'm not sure why...

Hbk, hope you find the clinic that feels best for you.

Afm, bored of being told I look pale and feeling dizzy/tired.  I really hope the drugs are causing this.  Otherwise ok.  Car has broken down, grrrrr.

Love to you all,
Mon
X


----------



## Cranky Angie

Sara
I had had many many implantation failures too, and a mmc last year. I finally got pg at the end of last year cycling with Serum in Athens (can highly recommend them if you are interested) these are the things I did differently this time (and differently to you) ...
I was on 1ml gestone ampoules (which I presume is 100g), 1 injection a day, for the first time, I have always been on pessaries before. 
I was on neupogen for the first time, which apparently is now starting to be used for RIF. 
I took reservatrol for a couple of months up to ET day (helps with immunes I think) 
I took extra Vitamin D. 
I was on 60mg clexane initially but after 5 weeks had some bleeding so they reduced it to 40mg. 
I also was on just 10mg prednisolone. 
Sorry to hear about your BFN, it's the worst news ever, but don't give up, it took me 8 years and a lot of heartache but I did get there in the end. 
Hi to everyone else. 
Good luck for starting to tomorrow Jess  
Ange xx


----------



## Sarapd

Thanks so much ladies. You really do give me hope.
Sara. xx


----------



## Jess81

Sara, I agree I think you should be on 2 vials of gestone a day. I bled on 1 vial then they agreed to up it. 

Thanks ladies, should find out how the big thaw goes tomorrow afternoon about 3pm... Not sure how I'm going to get through the day to be honest! 

Will keep you all posted xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Jess,     for the big thaw. Brilliant news about your lining thickness too, a lovely little nest ready for your chicks to hatch into. 
Sara,   , it was tx num 17 that came good for us. I have long-term auto-immune disease, my clexane was 80mg twice a day, that is absolute maximum dose as I have a clotting disorder, I'm on long-term pred, so I only went up to 15mg, and reduced back to 5mg fairly quickly. and max dose of calcium & vit-D. I also had 75mg aspirin for duration of the pregnancy. I do hope you are able to find your missing 'ingredient'.
Moncris, hope the side effects wear off soon, and that your car is fixable.
Will drop by again soon, we finally after 18 months got the keys to our new house today, and took our builder mate round to tell us what we need to renovate, £££ mounting up x


----------



## rory2011

Good luck Jess. Will catch up properly after work xx


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Just wanted to let you know that 5 out of 6 DE survived the thaw. We lost one immature one and the other immature one is going strong for the moment anyway. They said we are likely to loose it but like to give it the benefit of the doubt. So we are still in the game and will have to wait till tomorrow for an update on how they go over night... Please please fertilise!!!! 

Sorry for me post xxx


----------



## waikiki

for good overnight fertilisation for your eggies Jess.


----------



## Sarapd

Everything is crossed for you Jess.
Sara. xx


----------



## bethholm

Jess- keeping everything crossed my lovely.xxxx


----------



## Jess81

Thanks ladies, update.... 3 out of 5 fertilised! The immature one fertilised but did so abnormally. And one mature one didn't fertilise at all. So ET will be either Friday or Sunday.  I'm hoping for Sunday but know they will only do what is right for the embies and us. She said that they all look good and have a 95% chance of becoming embryos! 

Xxx


----------



## Sarapd

Jess - that is amazing news. Well done! Fingers crossed for you.
Sara. xx


----------



## rory2011

Great news Jess xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

What wonderful news Jess, I've my everything crossed for you xx


----------



## Mogster

Great news Jess x
Congratulations Waikiki you must be so pleased x
So sorry Sara. Know how you feel. We had our 6th BFN earlier this year. 

Hi to everyone else. Hope you are all well and looking after yourselves x


----------



## Jess81

Tell me to stop with the updates if I'm annoying you all lol... So all 3 are exactly where they should be and are all top grade! Will get a call tomorrow morning as to whether or not we go in tomorrow or Sunday. Xx


----------



## Mogster

Keep the updates coming Jess. Love hearing good news especially from someone on this thread.We all know the journey of IVF and how little steps are important. It's nice to be able to send positive vibes towards someone who needs it.
Take care and good luck for the call tomoro x


----------



## M0ncris

Fantastic news Jess, I have everything crossed for you.

Sl4e, hope the cost isn't too high for the new house.

Everyone else, hope you are ok.  

Afm, I am feeling very very tired and occasionally dizzy.  I also get tired easily.  I am fairly sure it's side effects from the drugs.  Looking forward to get an early night.

Love and hugs to all,
Mon
X


----------



## waikiki

Keeping my fingers crossed for a Sunday transfer Jess!


----------



## Jess81

Thanks mog, mon and Waikiki will let u know once I hear today x


----------



## Louisej29

Jess.  Great news!! Keep us posted.  Where did you do this cycle? X


----------



## rory2011

Hope you call brings you good news today xx


----------



## Jess81

Hey ladies, 
We are going to blast!!! I'm sooooo excited we have never gone this far before. So et is Sunday at 11. 
Louise we did it at CRGW in Wales, it's a good 2 hour journey for us so not particularly easy but we have found this cycle the most relaxing yet! Xxx


----------



## Sarapd

Jess - I've been back and for on here all day checking for news from you! CRGW are great. Really hope this is your time.
Sara. xx


----------



## Jess81

Aww thanks Sara, sorry I would have updated earlier but been mega busy at work coz I'm not in next week. Xxx


----------



## rory2011

Fab news Jess xx


----------



## M0ncris

Well done Jess, keep us posted!

Mon
X


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Way to go Jess!


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Sorry I haven't been on for ages and ages but great to hear such positive news.

Jess so happy you have good embryos going to blastocyst and an excellent lining.  I have never gone that far either - you should feel really good about such progress.  I have high hopes for you this time!

Waikiki - we cycled together on the June thread when you got pregnant.  I remember it was your last go so I am delighted to see you have your two boys now! Gives us all hope.  Enjoy this special time.

SL4E - glad you are enjoying your precious girl and good luck with the house.

Sara - sorry for your latest disappointment.  It is so crushing. Look after yourself.

Louise - sorry you have also had a tough time with your latest cycle.  Take hope from some of the Ladies on here who have had success after 8+ cycles.  Sadly it is a game of trial and error.  This of course is not helpful when it costs so much each time.  I have had 6 cycles but only 3 went to ET and some of them were non-starters due to various complications so I still feel we haven't found the right process yet although we are learning more and more about how we need to get it right next time.

Moncris - sorry you are feeling so under the weather...these drugs can really take their toll.  I hope its worth it though.

Cranky and Rory - I hope the pregnancies are going well.

Macgyver - loved your post about adoption, my friends adopted two daughters and they couldn't be happier.

HBK - I really admire your positivity and perseverance for doing this on your own but I think you have made such a good decision regarding the DE route.  We have 4 frozen embryos which we will use (once my lining issues are sorted out) but DE is the next stage for us.  Like you I have never seen those pink lines so I still find it hard to even imagine it happening!  It will though for us one day!

I am sure I have missed lots of other posts but oh to everyone else and thanks for your messages.  I hope things are good for the rest of you!

AFM - my appointment with the Consultant went went well although the Graves test was not conclusive.  I was positive for one type of thyroid antibody but not the other so if it is Graves it is a mild form which is good so they think they can regulate it with medication.  They took me off the medication as the dosage was too high so it pushed me into hypothyroid (underactive) which made me feel terrible (SL4E -I feel for you having hashimoto's).  They are monitoring my levels for a month and then they will decide what dose of medication I need.  If they can then stabilise me for another 2 months then I will be ok to go back to ICSI treatment.  I also signed up with these fantastic nutritionists/life coaches for a 3 month programme.  I definitely think I have immune problems, not just with my thyroid but elsewhere (evidenced through health issues I have had in the past) so the programme I have started is focused on improving my gut health by eliminating all potential food allergens which stimulate the immune system (when your gut isn't healthy, food components past into the bloodstream when they shouldn't and they can trigger immune responses). Next month is focused on my adrenal health to reduce the levels of cortisol etc. (the adrenals also produce DHEA, precursor to all the fertility hormones but if the adrenals when not working properly or when you are under stress diverts resources to making cortisol, the stress hormone, rather than DHEA).  Anyway too much science and good information to share on a single post but after only 2 weeks of being caffeine, dairy, gluten and soya free I feel like a new person.  I cannot emphasise how much better I feel.  Although I am only cutting all those groups out for a month I won't reintroduce  all these foods as I don't want to go back to how I felt before.  I have so much energy, I sleep better, I look better (I have had at least 5 people say to me in the last week that I look great), I don't feel hungry.  When I went training I could run faster, I wake up before my alarm goes off and I don't feel exhausted and my brain feels more alert.  Even my acupuncturist says my pulse feels stronger and I look healthier.  I have Skype calls with my mentors every week and they have been amazing and also keep me on track.  They are also working on my self belief and positivity around getting pregnant which is really helping as I had got into quite a negative place.  If I continue seeing these improvements - I will feel superhuman after 3 months.  I feel so motivated knowing that when I go back to the IVF in. Few months time my body will be at peak health which can only help our chances.

Anyway, I wish everyone a lovely weekend and good luck with the ET tomorrow Jess!

Love Trumpet xxx


----------



## Trumpet

Ps Sorry for the ridiculously long post! Way too much info but I feel so enthusiastic about this programme I am on.  It's been a revelation  

X


----------



## M0ncris

Trumpet, it's lovely to hear you so positive and nice to see a long post.

So glad things are better health wise,
Mon
X


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Trumpet - never knew about adrenals and DHEA. I have a bengin adenoma on one of my adrenal glands, incidental finding on a renal CT (because of my Lupus) so not treated, but you never know it could have had a part in my probs. I swear I have learned more off this thread about IF than ever before    
Jess, jumping on tenterhooks for you, along with all the rest of the crew here


----------



## Trumpet

Thanks Moncris and SL4E for your messages. My husband is a Doctor and I did a PhD in male I fertility but I swear I have learnt more from my nutritionists than I knew ever before in regards to my fertility.  It's been a eureka moment of understanding hey things have been as they are.  I have generally been a cynic in the past being very much modern medicine and scientifically driven but actually what I am doing is very scientific - it's eating the right things to regulate my physiology and I can't believe how well I feel after making such "natural" changes.  Bearing in mind my husband is a Consultant Doctor he says that Doctors are great at fixing acute problems but for long term health and wellbeing look elsewhere.  I know this is not a guarantee that I will get pregnant but at least I will know I was at peak health when I gave it my last shot as I sure as hell have not been in an optimum state during all my previous cycles.

Big hugs,

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Trumpet

Ps - auto typing not working.  Meant to say male infertility.  Basically I did a PhD on sperm.


----------



## Jess81

Trumpet, good to see you back in high spirits. Hope all the changes are good and you get your baby at the end of it. 

Can't believe today is finally here... I'm excited! I know I shouldn't get too excited but I can't help it... It feels right this time just hope and pray it is! So yesterday we already had one blast, and 2 morulas 1 of which was turning into a blast. Can't wait to see the video of them doing their thing, think that's what I'm most excited about lol! 

Et is at 11 but it's a good 2.5 hour journey home so will update you when I get back. 

Xxxxx


----------



## Mogster

Good luck Jess. Will be thinking of you later and have everything crossed that your 2ww goes quickly and smoothly and you get that perfect result xxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Just wanted to wish Jess lots of luck for today.. Sounds like you've got 3 beautiful blasts to play with.. Looking forward to hearing from you later xxx 

Trumpet.. In brief does the healthy, full protein diet really have an impact of fertility? My ex had terrible sperm issues always a very low amount and no matter how much I tried to get him to either take multi vits and a healthy dinner he still did his own thing.. There's just no telling a 46 year old who thinks his totally fine as fathered two other kids.. Another reason he is now my ex!! 

Lots if love to you all.. On my mobile so I'm sorry for it being short a sweet xxx


----------



## rory2011

Good luck Jess, fx for 2 lines in 2 weeks time xx

Trumpet, wow can't believe the changes you have felt with regard to your diet. I do believe immune issues are a component of some women's infertility and too many fertility centres over look this...obviously they want easy things to fix so they can get good results. Sadly it's the ladies like us for end up having bfn after bfn that end up looking down this route.

Hope this is the start of the change  and you see your 2 lines xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Had our 20 week scan (early) on Friday. All is good and healthy and complete with LO which is a massive relief, I feel like another hurdle is crossed, but still will never relax completely  
We also found out that LO is a boy. Having got one boy DH and I were secretly hoping for a girl (I went shopping after and couldn't help the odd glance at the pink and the dresses  ) but DS is delighted its a boy and a playmate!  
Good luck today Jess, thinking of you. 
Ange xx


----------



## Louisej29

Jess good luck!

Cranky angie.  That's great news.  Congrats!! 

Xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Congratulations Crankie.. 20 weeks already.. Gosh that times flown by, rest up and relax when your body tells you to.. All the very best xx


----------



## Jess81

Great news ange! 

Well that's it ladies, Smithy and Nessa are now on board.... 2 hatching blasts!! I'm now PUPO.... OTD is 8th march which I think is a bit long so will be testing early and trying to get a blood test from the GP! 

Mwah xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Good luck Jess, thinking of you and a bit excited for you too! Just read your update whilst typing, how brilliant!  Keep us posted.

Trumpet, wow, phd in sperm, that's fascinating.  Please tell us more.

Hbk, how frustrating that much have been.  Here's to your single journey being much more successful.

Angie,  congratulations, so pleased all is well for you (sorry it's not a girl but so happy ds is looking for forward to him coming)

Mogster, how is life?

Louise hope you are ok?  Have you chosen a new clinic?

Sl4e, hope all is well.

Hugs to all,
Mon
X


----------



## Hbkmorris

Omg Jess.. Two beautiful hatching blasts.. They sounds a pair if beauties.. Love the name!! 

I've my everything crossed for chicken xxx 

Thank you Mon, it's a bloomin tuff road at the best of times. Hope your ok? 

Xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

jess, ooh fantastic news x
Ange, halfway there, and team blue - wonderful!
Thanks for asking, Mon, we're doing well thanks, life is hectic and sometimes exhausting, but just so thankful to have LO.
HBK, have you finalised your choice of clinic? It is a tough decision as we all know how much we invest in the process, and not just financially. 
Hi to everyone else, I'm lurking & reading, hoping and praying - if anyone wants to know more of our story, what we're up to now, I'm always happy to recieve PMs, might be slow to reply, but don't want to post too much here to respect those who are really struggling xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hello SL4E, how lovely to hear from you and little LO  

I think I've made my decision and heading to Dogus for DE, just waiting to see how the ££ go really. Did you hear that a BUPA Consultant told me that I should of had my other clipped after my 2nd failure with perfect blasts? Luckily he'll see me under the NHS at his BMI clinic and my GP has booked me an apt via the chose and book service so it'll be interesting to hear what he has to say on 10th March and how soon I can have it done.. Seems strange that I'll be totally sterile then but if it aids me to reach my goal so be it. 

Onwards and upwards ah.. Just love hearing all the positive news of ladies being pupo and getting BFP's.. roll on end of the year in the hope I can share such wonderful news xxx


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Hope you are all well, HBK that's brill news on making your decision. Fx it all works out for you. 

So I'm 7dp5dt and I know it's a bit early but I tested today and got    we are cautious as OTD isn't until next sat but I'm getting bloods done by the GP on weds. I'm also a bit concerned that it could still be trigger although I did that 14 days ago so should be well out of my system now... What do you think? The line came up pretty quick didn't have to wait the 3 minutes at all I used a super drug early test. Going to do a digi tomorrow! 


We aren't telling any friends or family but I needed to tell you guys as you have been here for me through it all. 


Jess xx


----------



## rory2011

Jess,  how exciting, the trigger should be out of your system by now.
God luck for your blood test!


----------



## Cranky Angie

Jess 
I have everything crossed for you.  Fabulous news  
ange xxx


----------



## M0ncris

Jess, I agree, trigger should have been out of your system.  A cautious congratulations! Keep us posted and good luck for weds.

Mon
Xxx


----------



## Sarapd

Jess - that sounds like good news to me. Everything crossed.
Sara. xx


----------



## Mogster

Wow Jess!!! I have everything crossed for you that it continues to show positive x


----------



## Jess81

Thank you ladies, we are cautiously excited... Will keep you updated on blood results xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

jess, absolutely delighted to read your posts, *whispers congrats *


----------



## Louisej29

Jess what lovely news after the long journey you've been on.  Soooooo pleased for you x


----------



## rory2011

Good luck for your blood test today, Jess!


----------



## Cranky Angie

Good luck today Jess  
Ange xx


----------



## Mogster

Thinking of you today Jess with everything crossed x


----------



## Jess81

Thanks ladies, prob won't get result until tomorrow!!! Will let u know once I've got it x


----------



## Abijay

Hello all. Started bleedig heavily this morning following fet. Feel completely lost, this is my second chemical preg and I've had 2 other early stage miscarriages. What should I be asking for? I have excellent rates of fertilisation and am clearly getting implantation but no further. Have had laparoscopy and thrombophilia tests all ok. My levels are a little low consistent with my age and I have a bmi of 31. My husband is an occasional smoker. Should I focus on weight loss? (As always this is harder to do than say, especially when grieving and if it doesn't feel like it will be the thing that makes the difference), or more tests? Or just keep trying? Sorry for the long rant, feel a bit unsure which way to turn


----------



## Sarapd

Good luck Jess. Really hope it's good news.
Sara. xx


----------



## rory2011

Abijay, sorry that you are here, but it's a lovely thread. Have you had your chromosomes tested? Not sure if you would have had them done as part of your miscarriage investigation?


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Popped in to see if Jess had results back - and to see how many POAS you've done by now. I stopped after no 9   .
Welcome Abijay - sorry to read your history   . Even though your thrombophilia bloods are normal, has it been suggested that you take aspirin +/- clexane as a precaution? I have a seronegative form of lupus, so I have coagulation problems, but antibodies only show up on my blood tests very occasionally, and took aspirin and maximum dose clexane throughout my pregnancy - and my BMI is 32. I wouldn't get too hung up on losing weight, although some of us have had successful pregnancies by going on a gluten-free diet pre-conception to help reduce risk of immune rejection of the embryo. Ditto, we've all had prednisolone, too, although I'm on it for life anyway, but some clinics give it after recurrent miscarriage as a precaution.
Between us, we have a lot of knowledge and experience, and have all been through the horrible low points of repeated failures xx


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Jess - I am so excited for you! As soon as I saw you had blastocysts I had a good feeling! I hope the blood test confirms - I am sure it will.  Will be so nice to have another pregnancy to celebrate.

Cranky Angie - congratulations on reaching 20 weeks and for having a boy!  So pleased the pregnancy is going well.

Abidjay - sorry to see you on here but its a great thread to be part of.  SL4E has given you good advice.  Sounds like you could certainly have some more investigative tests to help determine what the problem is.

HBK - I did my PhD years ago but I was based at the MRC Reproductive Biology Unit at Edinburgh University. I also did a Masters in Reproductive Biology.  I never knew that I would need to use that knowledge for my own personal circumstances! my husband was a bit like your ex partner and he wouldn't take vitamins and he was wasn't making any effort to cut our crap food or limit his alcohol (he wasn't getting wasted or anything but still taking on far too many units).  When he had his first sperm function test it was absolutely appalling, so much so they said ICSI was the only option and at that point they were more worried about him than me.  My Husband then started taking the vitamins, cut alcohol down to 6 units per week and took more care with his diet.  When they did the repeat test 6 weeks later everything had significantly improved - motility, count, morphology etc. in fact the technician couldn't believe the sample was frm the same person.  They suspected he may have also had a virus around the time of the first test but that wouldn't account entirely for such an extreme change.  Anyway he has kept up the vitamins etc. ever since and in all our cycles there hasn't been any issues with his sperm.  I remember when I was doing my PHD that there was often variances in samples from the same person and I could tell from their sample when they had been ill e.g. Flu.  It takes circa. 70 days to make sperm so if a guy is poorly the. It's his sperm that are ejaculated around 70 days later which will be affected.  I also was involved in a study on abstinence and this is also not good for sperm quality. Ideally men should ejaculate every couple of days to maintain quality.  We would only accept samples where the donor had abstained for a minimum of 36 hours (you can tell when they are lying)!  
Anyway really glad you are happy with your choice going forwards and I hope this is your year.

AFM - still sticking to my gluten, caffeine, soya and dairy free diet (my one relapse was a creme egg).  Think I will be slowly reintroducing dairy soon. Still feeling better for it and I had a blood test Monday to check on my thyroid so intrigued to see if my thyroid function has improved.  If it's regulated over the next couple of months then I think I will be able to return to tx in June (just in time for my 40th).  I am ready to get back to it now.

Anyway love to all and hope all is good. Moncris, SL4E, Mich, Rory, Squirrel, Louise, Sara, lil One and everyone else, take care and I hope you are all in a good place!

Love Trumpet xxx


----------



## Abijay

Thank you all for your great comments and advice. There is lots for me to be going on with here. Hopefully at my next appointment with my consultant he will take me seriously rather than just say it's 'probably bad luck', and following your advice I have somethings to push for.

Thanks again lovely peeps.


----------



## M0ncris

Hi ladies,

Jess, hope you are ok.

Trumpet,  your history is fascinating.  I am definitely coming to you with questions,  do you know if retrograde ejaculation affects quality when it does come out on some occasions?  Glad your diet has worked and good luck with reintroducing.

Angie, Rory, hope you are doing ok.

Abijay, I'm glad you were able to get good advice from the ladies, I'm can't add anything I'm afraid but good luck with your follow up.

Sara, Louise, mogster, hope you are doing alright.

Sl4e,  hope you are your lo are doing well.

Hugs to all,
Mon
X


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Thank you so much for a you kind well wishes. My bloods came back last night and were 496 at 10dp5dt. 

If it's ok with you all I will still pop by and read up on how u are all doing? 

Just want to say thanks for all the support and kindness over the last few years and if I've learnt anything it's not to give up!! 

Big hugs to you all 
Jess xx


----------



## Louisej29

What lovelly news jess.  So pleased for you.  Definitely keep us posted and don't disappear!


----------



## Mogster

Congratulations Jess. Wishing you a quick and smooth pregnancy so you have you precious little one in your arms very soon. Take care x


----------



## Cranky Angie

Way hay Jess, am delighted for you. Let us know how things are going for sure  
Ange xxxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Congrats Jess.. that's an amzing level.. Well Done. xxx


----------



## rory2011

Fab news Jess xx


----------



## M0ncris

Well done Jess, that's great news! Keep us posted!
Mon
X


----------



## bethholm

Fabulous Jess!!!!Here's to a smooth pregnancy.

Keep the dream ladies.

B xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

woohoo Jess! Enjoy every second of your pregnancy.
Abijay, good luck for when you see your consultant, don't be fobbed off. Whereabouts are you? Thanks to HBK putting me onto it, I went to an implantation failure clinic, and had an endo biopsy/scratch - well worth the £300. That was in Coventry. When you had the laparoscopy, did you have a biopsy of your endometrium, looking at the structure of your womb lining, and critically the level of NK (natural killer) cells? If thry are high, you will need steroids.
HBK, I didn't know about the tube issue, hope the next consult will be helpful. Enjoy your trip to North Cyprus, and come home with your very own turkish delight   
Who is taking next ride on the rollercoaster?
  to the rest of this very special family x


----------



## pinkpixie

Fab news Jess xxx


----------



## Abijay

Hello veterans - it's me again. Congratulations to you Jess for your wonderful exciting news!

I have another quick question. I had my BFP on Wednesday then started bleeding heavily on Wednesday night and have continued to bleed period-like since then (it's now saturday). I am planning a fun night out with the girls tonight to cheer myself up so thought I'd test this morning to be sure it's OK to drink and found that I still have a strong BFP (on a cheapy Boots tester) - the line isnt as dark as the control but it's clearly visible, as dark or darker than it was on wednesday. HOw long does it take for the hpg to show up negative after a CP?

Thanks again for your wisdom

Abi


----------



## Abijay

PS SL4E: I am at Oxford, they offer the scratch so that could be a good option. I did embryo glue last time as it's non-invasive, but perhaps I throw everything at it next time.  Oh and I mistyped, I didnt have a laproscopy... I had an HSG test (had just got off the phone talking to someone who had a laproscopy)


----------



## Sarapd

Hi Abijay
Are you sure it's a chemical pregnancy? You can still bleed early on and go on to have a normal pregnancy. Unless you've had an HCG test showing falling levels I would be cautiously optimistic. Perhaps speak to your clinic - mine always advise upping the progesterone when I bleed. Also, if you had more than one embie transferred, it could just be one of them failing to implant.
That's just my opinion but I'm sure the ladies here know far more than me.
Jess - please keep updating us. We need stories like yours to give us hope and inspiration.
Love to everybody.
Sara. xx


----------



## Abijay

Thanks Sara. It hadnt occurred to be to be optimistic until today, so thank you for that. I am on a natural cycle so I dont have any progesterone. Perhaps I should. Although my OTD isnt till Monday so I don;t expect my clinic will be very intreested till then (especially as it's the weekend). Could it be ectopic?


----------



## longtimewaiting

Congratulations Jess, fantastic news - love having a quick read and seeing good good good news xxxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Abijay, please get your HCG levels rechecked! Keeping everything crossed it will be good news - it can take a few days for it to clear after a pregnancy ends, but ectopic is always a possibility that needs to be ruled out, it can happen without any symptoms, and some of our lovely friends on here have gone through the trauma of missed ectopics x


----------



## waikiki

Congratulations Jess, soooo pleased for you!


----------



## Mogster

Hi,
How are you all? I hope you are feeling good xxx

Anyone got any spare positivity going? Feeling really sad at the moment. Still undecided on our next step and feeling emotional. Another cycle? Adoption? Give up?

Also unrelated to fertility but been really let down by so called friends and feeling lonely. Taken a long hard look at my life and realised I don't like what I see. Maybe it's time to close some doors for good as they have been wedged open for far too long. 

Maybe my last 2 BFN are catching up with me as well.

Don't I sound self centred. Blimey I need to sort myself out!!!! 

Life is hard and cruel at times and at this moment in time it's tougher than ever


----------



## 2Buttons

Hi ladies, I've been lurking on this topic for months now, but couldn't read Mogster's post and not respond...so BIG hugs to you missus, you're just having a cra*ppy day or a cr*ppy week  But you are in luck, it is a sunny weekend, so go out and get your mojo back, absorb the vit D, boost the endorphins, and I promise you will be feeling better this evening - maybe a drink at the pub with one of your pals you can rely on - if on your own, get a movie and a takeway - spoil yourself, you both need and deserve it     ...on Monday book an appointment with a therapist and go and let it all out and you will start to feel happy and in control again, I hit the low point 1 year ago and today, I feel better than ever, you will too.


----------



## M0ncris

Oh Mogster, you poor thing.  Don't apologise for feeling low.  We all go through it.  Just take one day at a time and if you are lonely it's time to change some things like you say.  Give yourself some time and don't beat yourself up for feeling low.  Do one thing a day that is different even if it is just taking time to notice the blossom on the trees or listen for new sounds.

I know it is really tough, you've been through so much, but we are all here for you and will give you any support you need.  I still remember you were one of the first people I chatted to on here and you made me feel so welcome.

Many  
Mon
Xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Massive   mogster, I have felt like you at times of my life too, you will get through it, I think life goes in cycles like this and you have had to deal with so many disappointments and its so disheartening and frustrating. Don't give up, a change of tack, a new day, a new hobby, a fresh approach, time with friends who understand and you will get your PMA back. I find that exercise always helps lift my mood too and drinking lots of water. 

Ange xxxx


----------



## rory2011

Mogster, big hugs  
I think we all get down like this at times, everything seems to come at once. You will get through it, be kind to yourself. 

Re more treatment/ which way forward, the next plan will happen when your ready. I ended up taking over a year out from treatment, not intentially, it just seemed to happen, but I think that helped. 

Hope the sun stays shining and things start to look up soon for you xx


----------



## squirrel2010

Hello lovely ladies 
Just wanted to sneak back and say a huge hello to you all.
Congrats and all the very best for everyone in the BFP / pg band   xx
Hugs and long overdue love to everyone still on the roller coaster of tx    Xx
I have just been lurking and reading and in a horrid place, but no excuse not to have been there for you all. 
I just wanted to say I always think about you all
Mogster - after everything you have been through, you are allowed to feel like this, especially if friends are letting you down. You are strong and you deserve so much more and maybe this is a time to be kind to yourself and let all the emotion out. I find it can be such a muddle, and all I want is for the uncertainty to go and for someone to give me a solution. My counsellor generally sorts me out, I hope you have someone you can talk too? You will get through this, no matter where the path takes you
Squirrel xx xx


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Mogster - I am sorry you have been feeling so low.  Its tough to drag yourself out of that.  I was in that same place last summer.  I hope the advice from everyone here has helped.  All I would say is if you are finding it difficult being around certain people just don't see them.  I believe you have to go into self preservation mode when you are going through this as its difficult enough having to deal with it never mind being around people whoe either make you feel bad or their different circumstances make you feel bad.

Squirrel - I hope you also feel in a better place soon.  Its good to hear from you though as it's been a while.

Jess - couldn't be happier for you so enjoy your pregnancy.  Keep us posted on how it goes.

Moncris - I am not sure of the effect of retrograde ejaculation on quality.  Although long periods of abstinence is not great for quality, if some is getting out and it hasn't been stored in the epididymis for too long then I would imagine the quality shouldn't be affected.

Abidjay - I hope you have positive news regarding your HCG levels.

AFM - still feeling loads better on my gluten, dairy, soya, caffeine free regime.  Not heard from the Consultant but they said if my latest blood tests were bad I. Regards to my thyroid the. They would call to put me back on medication so I am assuming my diet is working and its good news.  My nutritionists are suggesting some immune tests for me so once I know more I will share with you.  I am hoping I can start treatment again in June.

Take care all,

Trumpet xxx


----------



## jag12

Hello Everyone,

My name is Jag and I have had only one cycle before up north which was unsuccessful. I am nearly 43 so the next cycle will be my last.

I have lots of immune problems which ARGC have been dealing with but I hope to cycle in April.

I have one big worry, I hope someone can give me some feedback. For the forthcoming cycle at ARGC I will be doing a short protocol with no downregulating. I really want to know how I will physically feel if the cycle is unsuccessful? I know emotionally it will be tough, I am prepared for that.

But, if anyone could tell me how they physically felt after an ARGC cycle, (or any short protocol cycle with high stimms) how long did the effects last, how long until full energy came back, how long until your periods stabilised, that would help me massively,

warm regards,

Jag xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

hello Jag, and welcome. I'm afraid i can't help much with your query, as I haven't taken stimms, but wanted to say hi, and I'm someone will be along who does know. But honey, we'll all be   that you won't find out cos you'll be pg instead x
Squirrel......just read your signature. OMG, don't apologise for being off the radar!! Hope you're recovering. Painful as losses are, you seem to have cracked the getting pregnant bit, which is a huge step forward, even though it must be difficult to see any glimmer of light at the moment   
Mogster, hope you're in a better place now - I was standing there 18 months ago when I decided it was time to restructure,.  and even took a college course to give me a new track in life.    When you're at rock bottom it is difficult to see through the dark mist.
Would love to write more to each one of you, but struggling with my vision at the moment - flippin immunes going thro post-pg flare, I'll be back x


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, hope you are all well. 
Jag, sorry I can't advise on treatment at ARGC but I'm sure there are some ladies here that will be able to.

SL4E, sorry  to hear you having problems with your vision. How is your little one doing? 

Hi to everyone else... 

Afm, just wanted to share our update we had our scan yesterday and we are having twins! It's been a bit of a shock but we are over the moon. We saw both heartbeats but they are a little small but i was only 6+1 not 7 weeks like I thought.... I got my dates muddled up as the clinic take your dates from ET not EC/thaw like I thought they would. 

Xxx


----------



## waikiki

Congratulations Jess, that's fantastic news!!! I know what you mean about the shock of seeing 2 heartbeats after waiting for so long to just to see one!  

I never thought I'd be lucky enough to have twins - they are hard work (as last night's sleepless night proves) but are also double the fun too.  

Wishing you a very happy and healthy pg.


----------



## Cranky Angie

Wey hey fabulous news Jess well done, you must be very excited !!!! 
Ange  xxxx


----------



## M0ncris

Hi ladies,

Jess, fantastic news, I am so pleased for you.  Fingers crossed for an uneventful pregnancy.

Jag, I am at arcg, ec tomorrow following the short protocol.  It is quite tiring and full on.  I can't give you the info about what happens next but if you have any stims questions let me know.

Hope everyone else is ok - sorry, brain not fully engaged today.  Will catch up soon.

M
Xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Jess  - double trouble - absolutely delighted for you!
MonCris - hope cycle goes smoothly, and that we see your good news soon x
We have gastroenteritis in the house! messy and tiring, but thankfully LO recovering now x


----------



## rory2011

Jess congratulations xx
Jag, sorry can't help as haven't cycled at argc.
Waikiki how are the twins? 
Moncris good luck with your cycle. Fx this is the one.
Sl4e hope you all get better soon.

Hello to everyone else reading xx


----------



## Louisej29

Jess.    What brilliant news. Twins!!!  Xxxxx     .  So pleased for you xxx


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, 
Very quiet in here recently, just wanted to let you know that I had my 8 week scan yesterday and sadly lost one of our little beans. It's very sad but we are so happy and grateful for the one remaining who is doing exactly what it should be and even gave us a little wiggle lol. 

Hope everyone is ok xxxx


----------



## rory2011

Jess so sorry, that happened to me too. It is so sad but I am grateful that I still have one of them wriggling round in me still.


----------



## bethholm

Jess- sending you big hugs. It is such a mixture of emotions when you lose a multiple. We had 3 heartbeats and lost 2 at our 9 week scan and we were filled with a mixture of sadness, loss but also happiness that one bean was going strong. The consultant said that maybe it was necessary to give the remaining one a fighting chance.It was still upsetting and we still think of the ones we lost and remember them. I had a beautiful necklace made up of individual little discs with my losses on- let me know if you or any other ladies want the link to this. It was from notonthehighstreet and I also had 2 little discs with the words 'faith' and 'hope' on the necklace too. That way, my four losses are always remembered.

Thinking of you.

Beth xxxx


----------



## Jess81

Rory, aww i know what you mean, yesterday was a bit of a strange day! 
Beth, thats a really lovely idea, i would love the link please. how are you getting on? can't believe your LO is a year old now! where does the time go.... 


xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Jess,   , what a day of mixed emotion for you, but your little fighter is holding on tight, and that's wonderful. Our babies will be 11 months apart, if your LO arrives on time   
I've got to have a hysteroscopy tomorrow, as an outpatient and conscious   . I had a lot of problems with continuing bleeding after delivery, and a scan showed an irregular lining so just to get it double-checked. I'm hopeless with internal probing, even after all the tx.
Hope life is going OK for those who are quiet at the moment, for whatever reason, would be lovely to hear from you, when you're ready x


----------



## bethholm

SL4V- good luck with your procedure.xxxx

Jess- here's the link-

http://www.notonthehighstreet.com/vanessaplana/product/mama-necklace

Ironic with the name of the product but it is lovely! I put the date of each individual miscarriage on a small disc with a motiv (lotus flower, heart, little bird etc.) and then had 2 small discs, each having the words 'hope' and 'faith' on it. I felt it was a lovely way to remember my losses and as the chain I bought separately is quite long, it hangs next to my heart. A lady on one of the miscarriage threads suggested I bought a piece of jewellery to remember my losses and I thought it would be lovely to have them all together on one necklace. Thinking of you and all the other ladies on this remarkable thread.Don't give up ladies- you will get there.

Much love

Beth xxxx


----------



## Louisej29

Jess.  So sorry Hun but so pleased you still have one strong baby. 

Beth.  Lovely link. Think I am going to buy something from there. Xx

Hope everyone is doing ok xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Jess  
Tough times, stay positive. 
Ange xxxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Time is flying so fast! LO now 6 months old, being christened on Sunday.
My procedure went well, of course I have a 'perfect' uterus ....never found any structural problems in there, which made all the failures so frustrating, but recommended i have a uterine ablation which means end of the road for us as regards tx. My head knows it makes sense, and Thank God we finally got there, but my heart yearns for another try. 
  everyone xx


----------



## rory2011

Sl4e, have you changed your name or is it my imagination?
I like it if you have!  Glad your op went well, I can understand its so hard to make that decision to say, no more attempts. 

Hope the christening goes well, can't believe your lo is 6 months old. It is flying by! Saying that I am now 28 weeks,feeling massive today, which is not surprising as baby weighs about 2lb 13. We had a 4 d scan today, was amazing, although the little monkey likes having it's legs and arms up round it's face, so couldn't see much except for the odd bit of face for a while. Got some nice photos though once, it stopped being shy!

Hope you are all doing ok, at whatever stage you are at!
Xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Rory, yes I did change it


----------



## MrsPootle

Hi Jag,

I did a 4th (and final) cycle with the ARGC.  It ended negatively and, it's difficult to say how much my physical/emotional response was to do with the ARGC and how much was coming to terms with stopping my IVF journey there and then.

I did underestimate the physical exhaustion which comes with the ARGC routine.  Two parts of it stick in my mind; the endless daily monitoring and waiting for results - that alone was very tough - I wasn't working (I'd taken a break to give it one last go) and it was hard.  I imagine you may have already heard that they recommend that, at the very least, the final week of stimms is taken off.  The other part was once you have the transfer you go from being monitored like crazy to no monitoring.  Very hard to get used to.  Post BFN I appeared to deal with it well - using Xmas as a distraction - but I rushed back into a job and a house move - not advised!!!  Now I'm very much accepting of my situation, but, it's still pretty painful nonetheless from time to time.  Although I would say that my reaction to bad news was any different to any other BFN - if that makes sense.

But, above all, I don't regret our go at the ARGC.  Many people I know had success there - I think it may have been the wrong time for me to do it - I wish I'd gone there earlier.  They are great and it does feel very personalised compared to other clinics.  It costs an arm and a leg though.  I wish I'd budgeted for 2 goes there - they kept saying to me that although it was my 4th go, it was their 1st and I should try again.  But I decided against this as I was primarily outta cash but also knew it was time to call it a day.

Not often on FF these days - but if you PM me it links to my email if you have any other questions.

I really hope that your time at the ARGC brings you luck - I'll have my fingers crossed!

Much love,
Mrs P xxx


----------



## Mogster

Hi everyone,
So how are you all?

I have been reading but just not joining in as been a rough few months with lots of downs. I'm feeling slightly better so thought I would check in with you all. Thought a comment might liven this board off a bit as its been a little quite the last couple of weeks.  

Not much to say but want to thank each and every one of you for your continued support as it means so much and helps me to keep putting one step in front of the other.

Sorry no personals but hugs to you all xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Mogster  .....read your signature, rough times you've been going through.
I keep peeking in too, had so much support on my journey, I just keep  for this place to be buzzing with good news, and I''m here if I can help xx


----------



## Jess81

Hi ladies, just wanted to pop on and give you a little update. 
Had my "12" week scan today and turns out I'm 13w 5d lol... So jumped ahead by almost 2 weeks... I'm not sure that's even possible with ivf but apparently they go with the measurements and not dates!! 

I do keep reading as i had so much support from you all! 

I just want to say to the ladies who are here don't give up on your dreams it really does work eventually! I used to want to give up after each failed cycle and after 7 years and 7 cycles we finally got our dream! 

Lots of love 
Jess xx


----------



## waikiki

Congratulations Jess, I'm so happy that everything's going smoothly with your pg. hopefully you can start to relax a little bit and enjoy it now!


----------



## Michimoo

Fantastic news Jess & glad everything is going to plan.

Mogster - sending huge hugs

Hi Mrs P - lovely to see you again.  

Wow Rory time flies. All the best sweetie

Hey to all the other ladies.

Tough times for me ATM . Totally & utterly heartbroken & destroyed by this whole journey. 

Sorry for ending on a miserable note.

xxxxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Just saw your note Michi and had to check in and say hi, what's happened to bring you so down, or is it just the relentless disappointment, boy I know how that feels. Keep your chin up girl, and remember tomorrow is another day (I just googled that and there are some amazing quotes, write them all down and stick them to your fridge  ) anyway don't give up. In my low moments I used to tell myself what a better stronger person I was because of all this    got me through .... Somehow. 
Ange xxx


----------



## Michimoo

Waiting for a miscarriage to be confirmed. Absolutely broken.


----------



## Cranky Angie

So sorry Michi had no idea.  
Ange xxx


----------



## Louisej29

Oh my god michim.  I am so sorry.  I really hope everything will still be ok.  You have been through so much.  Sending hugs xxx


----------



## Jess81

Omg mich I'm so sorry lovely, it's just awful. Huge hugs to you xx


----------



## Sarapd

So sorry Mich. Thinking of you.
Sara. xx


----------



## Chandlerino

Michi, we started our journey together so i cant tell you how devestated I am for you. How cruel life is, sending you hugs Chand xx


----------



## Mogster

I so wish I could give you a real   Michimoo xxx Especially as your DH has gone back to work now hasn't he? I hope you have someone around to support you.

Been thinking about you so much and feel helpless xxx

Hi everyone else x

So many kind people on here who still haven't achieved their dream and I hope that one day they get there x

We went to another adoption open evening this week and DH and I are very keen to start the process. The thing is we had our follow up last week and have also been convinced to have another cycle in the summer. I am so confused! I also mentioned that I've ovulated a couple of times according to tests which he says is great and he wouldn't rule out a natural pregnancy!!! Unlikely apparently but not impossible. Just when I think I've decided that's it let's adopt I see a glimmer of hope 

     Going slowly crazy!


----------



## rory2011

Michi so sorry to hear your news  
Mogster it is so hard to know what to do, in the end it comes down to what would you regret the least.


----------



## Michimoo

Thanks for your thoughts ladies. Scan tomorrow morning to confirm things. Dreading it!  

Mogster stranger things have happened. Mine was a surprise natural pg. It's not working out great for me but we're not all the same.

Sending


----------



## Louisej29

Hope Tomor goes ok for you Hun - 

Whatever happens now it shows you CAN get pregnant so hold onto that. I know it's impossible but it is a glimmer of hope.  Looks like swimming in that lake did work after all.  

Will be thinking of you tomorr.  Lots of love xxxx


----------



## Mogster

Will be thinking of you tomoro and as Louise has said a glimmer of hope to hold on to you had a natural positive. I have everything crossed for good news xxx

Maybe I shoul be googling this lake?!?!?

Take care everyone xxx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Thinking of you at your scan Michi  
Ange xxxx


----------



## Michimoo

Scan showed nothing no heartbeat just a sac. Still want to pump me full of drugs for another week unless my levels start dropping. Get blood results later today. 
Feel so numb & empty.

xx


----------



## Louisej29

Oh Michi.  I am soooooo sorry. I know how devastating it is to hear news like that at a scan and my heart goes out to you.  Sending lots of love x hope you have lots of support around you.  X


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Mich   . Difficult place to be for you, with uncertainty over the outcome of the scan. Keeping on    for you.
Love to everyone else x


----------



## jadeyjade

Hi Ladies 

Sorry to read such sad news Mich  

I joined a group on here a few years ago and subsequently all of the lovely ladies one by one now have children or their BFP. Some of them are even working on number two. I love the group but it does highlight how long and difficult my journey has been. 
I have just finished a negative cycle at ARGC (1st attempt there) 4th IVF. I am truly starting to believe that we will never have a child. I am extremely lucky to have 7 Frosties but equally worried about going through more losses.
DP suggested I find another group that I can relate to which lead me here


----------



## littletortie

Can I also join you?

I have just read through a bit and feel like this is where I want to be... 

I have just had my first donor egg cycle and after convincing myself this was the answer, the bloody things didn't stick again!!! 

I'm in a daze at the minute with friends throwing suggestions at me like they are offering me a crisp- adoption? Surrogacy? Womb transplant? Not even sure what I want to do right now but do know I feel sad and angry. 

Will read back some more so I can get a sense of who is here...!!!


----------



## littletortie

Michimoo- sorry to see what you are going through. Been there myself and it's a very sad and lonely place to be. Lots of love


----------



## rory2011

Welcome little tortie and jadeyjade, this thread has been a great support over the years xx


----------



## littletortie

Rory- I am thinking of heading to serum next year.

We have 2 frosties at our Czech clinic but we are thinking there is a bigger mine issue than we realised.

What immune testing did you have in Greece??


----------



## rory2011

We saw dr e and also had a hysterics copy via penny...she is lovely.
We had the nk levels and various other things...forgive me I have serious pregnancy brain today, but if you look at agates fact sheet about immunes all of it is on there. 

We didn't go to serum but we would have gone if my last cycle failed for donor egg but we were lucky and got pregnant on my last ivf. Luckily my local clinic were happy to let me use neupogen along with intralipids and steroids and the protocol that was suggested by dr e. Not sure what caused it to work but after 5 1/2 years of ttc and 5 Ivf's we finally got pregnant. Serum seemed very focused on what was going on for you and very much a cycle and treatment was determined by you and not just a routine cycle.

Good luck on your next cycle xx


----------



## rory2011

Sorry, hysteroscopy and not hysterics! Silly predictive texting


----------



## littletortie

Rory- who is Mr.E??


----------



## waikiki

Michi, I'm so so sorry to hear your news hun     

I can't imagine how heartbreaking this must be for you, but given the DE conversations we have had over the past few months I hope that you can find some encouragement in the fact that your body was able to get pg naturally. 

Thinking of you sweetie


----------



## rory2011

Dr economou  he is based near serum. See agates info on the immune thread.


----------



## Lucky Brumbar

Oh nooooo Michi! I'm soooo sorry hun(((((


----------



## Michimoo

Thanks ladies. I love that most of you are still around to support even though your on a different path.
Thanks for the PM's ladies too. Means a lot. 

I've updated my diary from yesterday if you want to see what happened. (Link In my signature)
It was an emotional day with ups & downs.

Today I'm numb & lost tbh. 

Still in limbo land until next week & I've just eaten 2 family size Galaxy bars of chocolate! 

Why can't I be one of those women that totally goes off food when they are depressed? I on the other hand eat the whole contents of my cupboards & fridge! 

Little tortie & jadeyjay Sorry you find yourselves here. But we are veterans who offer support & will try & help as much as we can.  

xxxx


----------



## rory2011

Michi big hugs


----------



## Cranky Angie

Michi
Just read your diary, can't believe what you have been through, the ups and downs are horrendous and no one should have to go through all that. They need to get their facts right and their equipment sorted out and the staff trained properly, otherwise it's just all too much. I'm so so sorry.  No wonder you are in pieces. 
Ange xxxxx


----------



## Sassy-lassy

Hello ladies,
Just wondering if I can join you…  Have finally added a signature of sorts to my profile, so you can see that I have had several DE IVF cycles now, none of which - alas - has been successful.  
I'm about to press the button on another treatment cycle, but am feeling very negative and anxious.  For the first time, it is dawning on me that OH and I may never have children.  "if it's failed 4 times, why should it succeed this time?" a little voice inside me is whispering.  I can't face a 5th failure and the end of our dreams.
Can I ask how you manage to remain positive?  
I can't share my journey with anyone outside FF due to OH's religion (which forbids the kind of fertility treatment we're having), so I'm feeling alone and rather down.  Need to develop some PMA (positive mental attitude) for the next go, but finding it really, really hard.  
Any advice please?


----------



## seemedlike4eva

jadejay, sassylassy and little tortie, welcome to you all, we all understand the pain of failure as we've all been through OE, DE or both, failures, and I guess among us all we've been for every test/kissed every magic stone/every fad diet that is supposed to bring up that magic 2nd line, and there's always room for new friends at our virtual coffee table.
Michi, just read your diary    .


----------



## Louisej29

Welcome everyone to the thread that no one wants to be on !!- but where we all get it!! 

Seemedlike4eva. Just looking at your sig.  What was the clinic like you had success in ?  Im Wondering whether to move clinics again !


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hi Louise, lovely clinic in Czech Republic, called Sanus in Hradec Kralove. I had 2 failures before my BFP, but my gut told me to stick with them. Worth a look, a friend of mine with an identical sig to mine, has a 2yr old from there, and another FFer has a little girl too. For my friend, it was also 3rd time lucky, for Claire it was 2nd FET. Prices fair, service excellent but they don't do any immune therapy, as the Consultant there is yet to be convinced on that one.
I'll PM you my details and theirs.


----------



## Trumpet

Hi Ladies,

Sorry I have been away for so long.  Rory, Jess, Cranky, so glad the pregnancies are still going strong although sorry you lost one Jess.  Welcome to the new Ladies - sorry you are here like the rest of us but we have all been through multiple failures (6 cycles for me) and it is tough but some of us are finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel so hang in there!
Mich - I read your diary and I was appalled by ARGC's treatment of you.  The NHS doctor was right, it would have been a termination not an ERPC and not appropriate, just so ARGC can obtain information to help them optimise their future statistics which is how it feels often with these clinics!  Too many Infertility units are turning into money making factories these days.  I know they are looking for positive outcomes for people but this shouldn't be at any cost and terminating an embryo that is trying to survive because it will "miscarry" anyway is inappropriate.  How do they know? They can toss statistics and numbers at me all they like but how do they know?  It's only because they take so many measurements in these clinics but they don't with all the millions of women who don't have problems getting pregnant.  Maybe lots of babies start off slow/with difficulties but then catch up? Surely its worth a chance  This is not an exact science and we are all individuals - I studied embryology so I am not talking out my ar$e!  Also why has ARGC got such archaic equipment when they charge so much money?  Rant over but very sad for you Mich.  However, no matter what happens, please try and take some encouragement from this.  You got pregnant! It means it's not impossible for you!

AFM - I am in a good place.  Been working with a nutritionist and mindset coach since February, and not only have they fixed my hyperactive thyroid problem without the need for medication (was on medication initially but it made me ill as it made me go hypothyroid) but I feel healthier, fitter, happier and stronger in every way and I also can deal with stress so much better.  I have found this helps me more than counselling.  Anyway the endocrinologist discharged me back to my GP as my thyroid blood results have been stable for the last 3 months and it's all through my diet changes (gluten, dairy, soya free as my thyroid problem is immune related).  So I am able to resume treatment so having an Endo scratch and natural FET next month.  Also went for my check up and they did a 3D scan of my uterus and ovaries etc. and they said it all looked great and much improved and I am sure its all down to the life changes I have made in the last 6 months.  My periods are now regular to the day and mindset has helped me feel so much more positive.  I am even starting to believe it could happen naturally - at least I no longer think its impossible!
I have enjoyed the break from treatment, I visited my Mum in Bahrain, I have been spending time with my 1 year old baby half sister, I went to Edinburgh where I did my PhD to celebrate one of our friend's 40th and we had so much fun and even went clubbing!  I also did Tough Mudder with my mates which was so hard but we had fun and felt so good that we finished it despite the pain and injuries.  I have spent good times with my DH and we have sold our flat and bought a house which is exciting.  It's not all been good as my stepfather has cancer as does our darling cat (she is having an op so fingers crossed), work is a bit pants, I am still childless and social services who deal with my baby sister's situation are frustrating and often incompetent but I cope with these stresses so much better than I did before.  I haven't been on here much as to be honest it's been good for me not to think about my infertility issues and just focus on getting healthy, fit and enjoying all the good things I have in my life.

I do think of you all though and Waikiki and sL4e so glad you are enjoying motherhood!

Mich I particularly thinking of you and hoping that it works out this time but if not soon!

Love to all and happy bank holiday.

Trumpet xxx


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## Cranky Angie

Trumpet
You sound like a different person!!!
So so pleased that things are improving for you and you are feeling so much better and healthier and positive. 
In all my experience of pregnancies, IVF and non IVF related, there does seem to be a correlation between success and a positive outlook. I know for me I was in a very dark place for a long time and I never got pregnant. Good luck, I am getting good vibes for you!!  
Ange xxxx


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## rory2011

Trumpet, so glad to hear you are in a good place. Ivf really does get to you, I am surprised that so many of us don't go completely mad. But then again I suppose we have each other for support here on threads like this. 
Hope your get goes well and you have your bfp.

Michi, thinking of you xx

To all the new people on here, sorry you find yourself here but everyone is a great support during those hard times.

Hope everyone is doing well with babies, bumps and considering more treatment. I am doing ok, only 2 weeks to go. Still can't believe I am pregnant but hopefully  my little one will be here safe and sound soon.

Take care xx


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## pookiepoo

Hi
Can I join? Even though I've had two BFPs, out of 4 fresh tries, I think i still qualify for multiple failure. 
I had a miscarriage over the weekend and am now trying to pick up the pieces to move int FETs.....
Trying to get strength and hope back.

Hope to see happy days for all of us soon.

Pani x


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## seemedlike4eva

Welcome, Pani. Sorry to hear  of your loss, but hope you'll soon feel at home here.
Michi, ish I could just come round and give you a big hug, what a rollercoaster,. 
Trumpet, it's lovely to read that you're in a better place now. Progress is always good.
Rory and Ange, can't believe you're both due any moment!
We have finally moved house, and spent a couple of weeks without internet, so just catching up. All is well with LO, postponed gynae op as it would end fertility - not that it/was ever there - but can't quite close the door on tx. It's been so all consuming it's hard to let go.


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## Cranky Angie

SL4E I know exactly what you mean, that's why I can't get rid of my box of meds even though DH has insisted this baby HAS to be the end of it.   I know I'll have the baby soon fx all goes well but then I know I'll be thinking whats the next step, like you this has consumed my life for so so long I don't know how to let go. Plus this one is another boy and I can't quite let go of the little girl thing  . Sorry to hear you have to have a gynae op though, hope its not serious.  

Welcome pani, sorry to hear of your loss. A mc is so devastating, it took me a long time to come to terms with mine, hope you are getting lots of support and being kind to yourself.  

 Rory and everyone else. 
Ange xxx


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## pookiepoo

Good morning,

Despite the mc I still wake up early... Guess pregnancy hormone kicking about. I keep forgetting I'm not pregnant when I wake up. 
I wanted to ask ladies with mc and or FET experience.... How long did you have to wait to do FET after mc? And how did you find the difference vs fresh?
I have ten frosties so hoping never have to do fresh cycle again.... 
Shouldn't say 'never' though.... Cause who knows.

I'm glad to read in many signatures that you have finally beat this challenge and are now mothers or mums to be. Gives me hope and encouragement to be as strong as you. To carry on and try.

Wish you a good day. 

Pani x


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## Trumpet

Hi All,

So happy to hear Ange and Rory are almost there!  How quickly time seems to have passed.
Mich - thinking of you lots and hope you are ok?
SL4E - glad the house move went well and your LO is doing good.
Pani - sorry to hear of your miscarriage.  I have never had one as never had a BFP but I can imagine how horrible it must be to have all your high hopes dashed so cruelly.  I had my last FET cancelled due to thin lining and have just started another.  It's less intense than a fresh cycle and less medication so you should hopefully find it less stressful.  Take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve before moving onto another cycle as I am sure it's taken so much out of you physically and emotionally.

AFM - I am 40 tomorrow so off to a hotel in the New Forest tonight and I have had lots of wonderful treats already from Family and friends including flowers, facials, dinner and cocktails and Centre Court tickets at Wimbledon.  Also after my scan tomorrow my friend is taking me to the Ritz for afternoon tea!  It makes up for having to have my legs in stirrups on my Birthday! 
As I have never had implantation from the 3 cycles I have actually had embryos transferred and I have had 3 cycles cancelled (two of which were due to thin lining) I had an Endo scratch a few weeks ago.  Unfortunately it wasn't straightforward due to my tiny cervix opening.  I have had this problem before (first embryo transfer was a disaster) and they dilated it but I think it may be closing up again.  Anyway they eventually managed to insert a catheter after several attempts (they had to use a tiny catheter to do a first scratch but it's less effective so then tried gradually larger catheters and did a second scratch - 2 for the price of 1 if I try to put a positive spin on it).  Due to the complications the pain I ended up being in was pretty unbearable.  So much so the doctors want to sedate me for embryo transfer as they said due to the likely complications the level of pain I have to endure is unacceptable and makes the procedure difficult as there is no way I can remain relaxed under those conditions.  They were really nice but extremely apologetic and I could see they were getting quite concerned about how it was going.  In fact straight after the procedure the Doctor went to see my Husband (who is also a Doctor so sometimes blasé about these things) and told him that it was complicated and as a result "your Wife had to endure a significant amount of unexpected pain" - at least it meant I got more sympathy and it want just me being a wuss.
Anyway sorry if TMI and I am sure they are not normally so uncomfortable but at least they did it.  I have started my cycle now and so far my first two scans showed a lining of 5mm on day 6 and 6.3mm on day 8 so they are not supplementing me with any drugs yet.  This is much better than the measurements at this stage in my last two cycles when I had thyroid problems and was not in the best mental or physical state but I am taking it a scan at a time as often my lining peaks in thickness too early and then starts to deteriorate before I even ovulate.  I really hope I can sustain a decent lining this time as it will make all the life and diet changes I have made feel so worthwhile.  I feel physically healthier than I have for a few years and really hope it's made a difference.  I was on progynova last time which still didn't help my lining so I am hoping that the fact I haven't needed meds yet is positive.  Let's hope my Birthday scan tomorrow is a good one.
Sorry for the stupidly long post!

Love Trumpet xxx


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## Mogster

Hi all,

Trumpet it's all sounding good with you. Sorry the sctratch was such a horrible experience for you. Sedation for transfer sounds like a good plan. I have everything crossed for you x

Pani, welcome and I'm sorry you find yourself on here. This used to be such an active board and everyone is so supportive. I hope it livens up a little bit for you and everyone else to keep the support going. I myself have been guilty of not posting but sometimes you are at a stage were you can not bring yourself to chat. 10 frosties is a great number and I have everything crossed for you. I've had a few FET and found them much smoother than a full cycle but all treatment has its worries unfortunately.

Big hugs to everyone still chasing that dream.

Big congrats to the mummies on here and good luck to those who are pregnant xxx

AFM - who knows!!! Kind of in limbo between thinking of trying again and going for adoption. Each day I sway the other way! I really didn't think it would get to the stage where I have had 6 ET and still never had a BFP. I mean come on I've had 11 embryos transferred with 6 of those being high quality blasts. Lining is always good as well. 

Anyway, sorry for being AWOL but my head has been a mess and I've also had a bit of time enjoying not thinking about IF. 

Take care everyone xxx


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## seemedlike4eva

Welcome back Mogster! So sorry that the miracle hasn't happened for you yet   .
 to everyone reading.
Just wanted to say to Trumpet....had ET under sedation once due to ham-fisted doc in Cyprus, rather than a real problem, but after my last ET was done normally, and skillfully, the doc said to me I really hope that you didn't feel any pain, which got me wondering if there is a link between pain at ET and success rate? As it worked for us, I didn't question it any further, but reading your post has made me wonder....


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## Tiffanymi

Hi everyone

I hope you don't mind if I join. 

I have had 6 OE BFNs and 1 Donor egg BFN a week ago. 

I am feeling pretty raw at the moment!

My doctor said I don't need to worry about other factors it's probably the donors egg chromosomes that weren't right. Even though they looked perfect. Does this sound right! Do I just do next cycle with no changes?


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## Hbkmorris

Oh Tiffanymi.. 

My heart goes out to you and I'm SO SO sorry to read of your latest BFN..    to you. 

We always believe that DE is the way forward after our own eggs have failed us then when it blows you away with yet another words can't express how you feel and I imagine it is very raw for you. 

As you can see I've had my fair share of failures and I've been thinking about DE but what with money and being scared of that bolt of lighting hitting me I'm putting it off for another year. 

I wish there was something SOMEONE out there could tell us why this keeps happening.. You and I like so many have truly had our fair share of bad luck now.. surely we deserve some good news. 

Keep strong, take time out and enjoy the summer.. as we all know time is a healer but in the meantime just be kind to yourself xxx


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## Tiffanymi

Hbkmorris sorry or hear you have been in as much turmoil and pain as I have. I thought domor eggs was the answer and now I'm lost. My clinic says it is definitely a egg chromosome thing I must just carry on. Even though donors eggs perfect. There are no answers and doctors don't seem to care these day ;( what are your next steps


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## pookiepoo

Tiffany and Morris,

I feel for you. You are two strong ladies and I am impressed by your commitment and belief. You deserve a BFP and one that sticks! Soon!

I've had two BFPs out of four tries, still no baby. I have lost hope. It's so hard for me to carry on....I need a doctor to tell me there is hope. 

 for all of us


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## waikiki

Big hugs Tiffanymi     

I don't often post any more, but had to when I saw your message as it sounded so similar to what I went through.  I too had 6 OE BFNs before moving to DE.  The doctors told me that DE was the answer to my problem and I went into the tx with so much hope. I had 3 FF friends who lived locally, all of whom had got given birth to twins following their first DE tx, so I assumed that it would work first time for me too.  When it failed I felt completely crushed, especially as my best friend got a BFP from her first IVF cycle the same week.

I eventually got pg on my 4th DE tx and my twin boys are now almost 5 months old. I know it's hard hun, but dig deep and keep trying.

As for the doctor saying that the donor had chromosome issues, I would question what makes him/her so sure that is the cause if the embryos looked perfect. Does the donor have proven fertility and has she donated eggs before? If so, what was the outcome(s) on those occasions?

Also have you ruled out other causes, such as immune issues or sperm problems?

Good luck hun.

Waikiki


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## Tiffanymi

Pain thinking of you too. Hopefully it will be our time someday. 

Waikikik thanks for the support. It gives me great hope that yours worked eventually. Did you do anything different? I am trying to get answers but doctor adamant. Trying to seek new advise perhaps serum. 

Today was my grist bleed after bfn. So sore and tough day. Didn't even feel like getting out of bed. I just feel so lost that moment. 

Thanks for all the support here X


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## Mogster

Hi,
Waikiki its so great to hear from you and I'm so pleased its going well with your boys x
Tiffanymi sending big hugs your way. Be kind to yourself x

Pani77 also sending you some hugs x

hbkmorris how are you? Can't believe we still don't have our dream yet. Have everything crossed for you  when the time is right x

To anyone I've missed of anyone reading but not writing my heart goes out to you all.

AFM well I'm not having the best day! AF in full force and DH off meeting the new niece. Could my day get any worse


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## pookiepoo

Mogster, Tiffany, AF and bleed is the worse reminder of failed cycle. My miscarriage bleed is still continuing after two weeks....light, but there. Couldn't be more annoying. 

Is is what my life has become....counting away my youth....it's bit fair. But I just chant enjoy life anymore.


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## Tiffanymi

Mobster thanks forthe wishes. Hope the day gets better. AF is just cruel and sore after BFN. Reminds me how my body has betrayed me  

Pani I know what you mean. Your life is in freeze state and you are almost in limbo counting days away until the next cycle. I can't remember the last time I laughed. I really was so care fee before this process


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## seemedlike4eva

tiffanymi, I got my DH to read the peestick for me on my 1st DE cycle, I was sooo confident that it had worked, especially as I'd had 4 embies replaced. When he said to me 'It's negative', I snatched it off him, thinking he was just being a bloke getting it wrong. A blood test confirmed it was negative, I was gobsmacked as the clinic had assured us we had 80% chance of being pg. It was my 4th double donor cycle that worked, I did 3 months gluten free diet and had an endo scratch beforehand. 
My doctor said to me as long as the uterus is healthy, it will happen, it just depends how long any of us can carry on xx


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## Tiffanymi

Seemedlikeforever that's meat my doctor said and I was a but skeptical thinking how does he know it's not my uterus etc. your message has made me think maybe he is right you just needed to persevere. Thanks for sharing. Did you change donors in between? Was there a difference.


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## waikiki

Tiffanymi, I had 2 DE cycles at Serum and although they were not successful (my successful tx was at CRM in London) it was great to meet Penny to get a fresh perspective on what to try. After completing a hysteroscopy there which confirmed that my womb was healthy with a good lining, Penny told me exactly the same thing as you have been told: that if the womb is healthy, there is no reason why it shouldn't work, even if it takes a few tries.

Apart from trying a different donor each time, the only thing I did differently on my last try was follow a new immune protocol prescribed by Dr Braverman.

Hope that helps.


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## pookiepoo

Waikiki, 
I have a question regarding donor eggs. I'm still using my own eggs....but since you and I are similar age, I was wondering why you move to DE. Was that something your doctor recommended or a decision you made yourself? 

Thanks. 
Pani x


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## Trumpet

Hi All,

Pani and Tiffany - so sorry you are feeling so low and are struggling to stay motivated at the moment.  Hopefully some of the reply messages have helped give you some hope.  Its impossible not to go through highs and lows going through this process but if you are not happy with explanations from the Doctors you need to push until you get the answers you need.  They also don't know everything so they are not always right.

HBK - it's been a long time since I saw you on here.  I remembered you were feeling undecided about where too next.  I really hope that you find where you want to go next and it brings success.

Waikiki - so great to hear your boys are doing well.  I remember you from the 2 wow thread this time last year when you got your positive.  Mine was negative but I felt so happy for you as I remember your tag line stated it was your 10th and last time.  It's certainly gave me hope.

SL4E - my first embryo transfer was a disaster and extremely painful due to unexpected stenosis (closing) of the cervix.  The Doctor said although they completed the transfer it was unlikely to have worked as the trauma put my uterus into spasm/contractions which was never going to help implantation.  After I had an operation to stretch my cervix my following 2 transfers were fine but I worry it may be closing up again hence the recent issues.  My cervix is also at a funny angle so the doctors have to use all their skill to get the catheter in without causing trauma.  Interesting to here you also went gluten free before you had your successful cycle.  I have been gluten free since January (more for my thyroid problems) but my nutritionist said it should help my fertility.  I certainly feel better for it.  I also avoid dairy and soya although I am allowed eggs.

Mogster - I am so sorry to hear you are still in such a quandary about where to go next.  Like you I didn't come on here for a while as it was nice to forget about the fertility problems for a while and I feel better for it.  I am so sorry that you still haven't had a BFP.  Its horrible when everything seems to be just right in terms of it working out and then you still don't get the BFP.  It doesn't make sense why it has not worked for you which seems even more cruel.  I have always had either poor quality embryos or my lining has been a bit dodgy so at least I have had an understanding of why it had never worked but to have good quality blastocysts out back and still no BFP must be so frustrating.  What have the doctors said to you?  Have they done the whole immune testing?  I had some additional hormone tests done through my nutritionist (more tests than the standard you get from the clinic) and they showed my DHEA levels were low and my Progesterone to oestrogen ratio was out of kilter.  All easy to rectify but I think sometimes these subtle issues can make the difference.  If you suspect an immune issue maybe you should consider diet changes like I did.  PM me if you want to know more.  I managed to correct my thyroid issue purely through diet (immune related) rather than through medication.  Sending you a big hug at this tough time!

AFM - my lining has been better than ever (last two cycles cancelled due to thin lining) - it's steadily thickened at each scan with a good triple layer and my last scan it was 8.6mm.  I haven't had any medication either it's been completely natural.  I think the Endo scratch has helped but also the fact I am in so much better health than I was and also my thyroid problem has been rectified.  I feel like that even if it doesn't work out I have made so much progress as my lining had regularly been pretty poor in regards to thickness.  I am waiting for the Embryologist to call to see if my embryos have survived the thaw.  Praying that they do.

Take care all and hang in there.

Trumpet xxx


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## Tiffanymi

Waikiki thanks for sharing. Similar to what my doctor told me. 

Does anyone know when people say 3 cycles is it with same donor or different donor?

Trumpet, thanks for the wishes. Sounds like you have been Ty proactive to reach a better physical and mental state. When is your next cycle?


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## Luisa8

Hi Ladies,
I used to post here but after my last BFN I needed a break so disappeared for a while...
I'm now planning what will need to be our last attempt in September (lottery wins aside ). We are having to get a bank loan and I should be getting the final ok from the bank this week and will then be able to set the ball in motion.
I'm feeling like I need some emotional support and couldn't think where else to get it but here on FF  so I'd like to join you all again...
I am absolutely dreading going through all this again. The thought of it not working and then having this loan to pay off for years is really depressing me. 
I know this isn't the best mental frame of mind to have but I'm just feeling so petrified about it failing. This is the closest I've ever been to facing the fact that we might never have a child and I'm not liking it one bit....
This time we are going to do double donor at Serum and maybe give neupogen a go too - we've always done ED before so we are hoping this will be the "magic recipe"...It blinkin better be  
Anyway, hi to you you all and look forward to getting to know you all again
xxxx


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## Hbkmorris

Thank you for all your nice comments and best wishes, sorry I don't come on here much.. it's such a rollercoaster of emotions and after having the recent operator being one tube down, one huge cyst removed along with a polyp that I never knew I ever had it's taken me till now to actually think of another IVF cycle. 

Tiffany.. in answer to your question I was going with FET sooner rather than later as I have two 3day 8 cell embies in storage but now this new consultant who is from BMI Priory in Birmingham has thrown another thing into the pot!! He has suggested I have my AMH retested and follie count just to see where I am in terms of eggs and age! If all comes back within reasonable levels (my AMH was always low so I'm thinking this will be ruled out) to go with one last fresh cycle.. this is based of previous cycles with fab fert rates and top quality.. Thing is I just can't throw anymore money at something if I have doubt so I'm going to wait and see the findings and then decide what to do.. Just wish I could win the darn lotto to pay off my IVF debt let alone raise it. 

Hope everyone else is ok, I shall read back through the pages once finished work at 7!! If I don't fall asleep that is lol xxxx


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## pookiepoo

Hi Louisa,
Im sorry to hear you've had BFN on all your cycles. Have they said why that's happening? I know you said your going with double donor this time, but have the checked all the other variables that cause implantation failure....immune, your uterus and how it's positioned, endo? sticky blood, infections? 

I know you're saying it's your last cycle....but try to investigate all possible reasons.....maybe even see another consultant at another clinic for second opinion. Maybe I'm preaching to the converted, but just want to see you get a BFP.

Morris, have to say I agree with your doctor.....you should try with your own eggs...if you can, before leaving you FET for later....that has been my philosophy since day one....not that I have a baby....but I have ten blast frosties and hoping one of them will be my baby, after four fresh cycle attempts.

Love to all the rest...

Pani x


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## Hbkmorris

Hi Pani.. Yep I feel the results from these tests will be the key to which way I go for sure, I was just going to go with natural FET then keep my pennies for DD at Dogus but pennies are an issue so goodness knows when I'll be able to afford it. 

You are one lucky girl having so many blasts.. that's fab news.. I only have two embies and there no saying they'll survive! The other worry I have is my age.. I'm 40 now so things aren't good inside so DD maybe my only option. 

Anyhow thank you for your reply.. Hello to all.. Sorry to hear of all the BFN's lifes SO darn cruel and I've wondered for years if there really is a good old white haired man up in the clouds. xx


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## pookiepoo

Hi Morris,

If you have set your mind to go with donor....then go for it......don't waste time with treatments that have less chance.

I know that if my blasts won't work, or we test them and they are no good....donor will be next....though DH says if we are to use DE, we might as well adopt.....not sure I agree....I'm 36 and worry about my age....so i know what you feel....it doesn't matter what age you are, the worry is there. My 32 year old friend with PCOS is just as worried as we are.


x


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## Hbkmorris

That's just it Pani I'm all of a (.)(.)'s and two's   

Obviously I'd love to use my own eggs but then as you say we have to way everything up due to my age.. That said I've a friend who's 43 now and 44 this year. Low AMH of 0.02 3 failed IVF's unexplained infertility and fell pregs.. she then mc and had another IVF at collection no eggs in follies so tried again and fell pregs another mc.. Just about to start last IVF with Zita west fell pregs and has a beautiful daughter. 4 months ago fell pregs another mc and just found out she's pregs again and 7 weeks so where's the logic in that... Low AMH non of her IVF's worked sadly had lots of mc but has 1 and may 2 babies.

So in all what I'm trying to say is.. what will be will be, everything happens for a reason. xx


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## pookiepoo

wow. that's incredible. I've never been pregnant naturally, so wouldn't know how it feels like. Must be amazing to be surprised!

I think you should do what you feel will be something you won't regret in the future. 

I wish you all the best.

x


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## Hbkmorris

I know.. Amazing isn't it, like you say don't know what that feels like.. Infact I've never been pregnant so I don't know what that's like either lol!! 

Bless your heart. And all the very best to you too xxx


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## Tiffanymi

Hi all

Luisa welcome back to FF. Good luck. I know how you feel. Money resources are so scarce and to know you gave been through so many BFNs and need to know when the stop button comes up. I am at the point where I have truly lost hope and trying to regain. This drains you physically, emotionally, and financially. But such great news to hear you have another chance. Wishing you the best for this one!! Keep us posted. When are you planning to start?

Hbkmorris it's so hard knowing when OE or DEs. Personally, I knew I trid everything before DEs and was mourning my OEs but ready to go on. If I had it again, I wouldn't have waited 6 BFNs before going to DEs I would have gone a lot sooner. As my eggs just aren't good quality. But having OEs stroll is a bonus. Good luck with your decision. 

AFM - had quite a bad week but tying to work through it or get a little hope back from somewhere. Hope you guys have a lively week ahead!


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## pookiepoo

Hi Tiffany,

How did you find out "your eggs aren't good quality"? Did you do any specific testing on your eggs or embryos?  Or was it a conclusion your doctor made based on your BFNs?

Just wondering because I've had 50% BFP, still. No baby...so want to get some answers....

X


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## Tiffanymi

Hi pani

My OEs are bad quality due to AMH low and they towards the end hardly lasted to transfer or lasted with very bad quality. When I went to DEs my doctor actually didn't tell me how he know it's the eggs, I wish I did chromosome tests to check before I froze them. He says even though the donor egg looks perfect most can be chromosome damaged and that she is young donor and can happen. He is going on stats and that my lining was ok. So I am a little worried about his recommendation but too exhausted to do anything but trust him. He says it's a numbers game and I must just do the FETs. 

AFM.....so I decided

Doing a FET de cycle now with this bleed. In next 12 days should transfer. I just can't wait. I know I'm nuts but I just need to try.....sick of counting the months!!


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## pookiepoo

Hi Tiffany,
How many embryos do you have frozen? You can still do PDG/PGS on frozen embryos....

Understand about your AMH....but your blasts not doing well...could also be sperm issue.....especially if they slow down or go downhill after day three....that's when the mans gene kicks in...


We suffer from male morphology issue, so used IMSI, which seemed to do the trick. Now I need to know which of my frosties are ok


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## Tiffanymi

Thanks Pani. I don't know. My doc says that he can't test properly unless fresh as we will loose some due to testing ;( 

DEs blasts lasted until day 5 and were strong looking before transfer. DH sperm tested and all ok. Could the have missed something?

Do you know if FETs are more successful with DEs or less? And do many get list in thawing process?


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## pookiepoo

Hi Tiffany,
I have a friend who's an embryologist and she says you can pgd frosties. 
I don't know about DE, but I know if vitrification freezing is used, survival rate is over 95%. 

X


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## Hbkmorris

It's a mind field isn't it guys.. Interesting what you've said Pani, didn't realise it was such a high rate!! 

You know I never think of these as they were slow freeze with crappy first clinic, but in 2012 I had 9 eggs collected and 8 were mature.. They didn't check my ex's sperm until some 6 hours after sample was supplied only to find his swimmers were all dead and therefore they had to freeze my eggs.. Due to slow freeze I've never really thought about them but I have kept them and moved them to my new clinic.. Wonder what there success result could be?!?!? God my minds on overdrive Lol xx


----------



## Tiffanymi

Thanks pani - I will check with my doctor re testing FETs 

Hbkmorris if I am understanding you correctly you have lots of eggs frozen? That sounds great. Are they good quality?


----------



## pookiepoo

Testing is not cheap though... Around £2500 per batch.....so you only do it if you really need to


----------



## Tiffanymi

I know and my finances just accumulate these days.....


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

So sorry to hear about all the dilemmas and recent negatives as well as finance issues you are all facing.  
Luisa - I am glad you have the option of another cycle but it sounds like you are already under a huge amount of stress due to the financial implications and the pressure of it being your last cycle.  All I can suggest is although there is the temptation to throw everything at it sometimes less is more so talk carefully with the clinic to truly understand what is going to help your chances.
Tiffany - glad you are starting an FET soon (so much less stressful than a fresh cycle) and I understand how frustrating the waiting around is. One word of caution is when I did two back to back cycles last year it really it took it out of me and I ended up needing a longer break afterwards than I would have if I had just even had a month off inbetween.
HBK - you have such a dilemma and I am probably not going to help by what I am going to say but like you I am 40 and I have never had a BFP ever. I am on my 7th cycle, 3 of which were either cancelled due to thin lining or failure to fertilise my eggs.  My AMH is low and I never produce many eggs.  I have never had my eggs tested for quality and I don't think expensive tests are generally worth it unless you have reason for concern in regards to inherited genetic conditions (Pani, the fact you did get pregnant and you have so many frozen blastocysts suggests you don't have an egg quality issue so may not be worth you paying so much for tests to be done)?
I have always assumed the quality isn't great as I frankly generally produce pretty rubbish embryos and have never had enough to take to blastocyst so transfers for me are always day 2 or 3.  I was pretty much of the view that I would use up my 4 frozen embryos from September and then maybe do one last fresh cycle with my own eggs (only because my health and fitness has significantly improved in the last 6 months) and then I was happy to go for donor eggs.  However, unbelievably they thawed 2 of my embryos and both survived.  Not only that they were grade 1, 4 cell embryos on day 2 and they transferred both of them on Monday.  Although clearly there is no guarantee, this has been my best cycle yet and basically all the issues I had with lining, embryo quality, low oestrogen etc have all been absent in this cycle and it's been a natural FET with no oestrogen support at all in the first half of the cycle.  This has made me think that sorting out my thyroid and working with a nutritionist for the last 6 months has really made all the difference so maybe I don't have to hurry to donor eggs!!!

To put stuff into perspective, I have spent £2000 on nutritionist support for the last 6 months when I was taking a break from IVF to sort my health out and although it's not cheap in the grand scheme of things it has improved my health in so many ways and I feel 100% better.  My periods are even more regular and they actually believe I could get pregnant naturally.  I am not keen to rely on that route alone after so many years of trying but this has really opened my eyes to the fact that maybe we really do have a chance with my own eggs and I still have my remaining two frozen embryos.  What I will say is we get sucked into putting all our faith in science and modern medicine when in reality it may be worth fixing the basics before throwing money at expensive cycles. My husband is a clinical doctor and I have a PhD in sperm cell biology so it's not like we are a pair of alternative hippies but after being at a traditional IVF clinic for my first two cycles whereby I was pumped full of drugs with mediocre results, things have improved at my current clinic which specialises in natural and mild IVF.  Basically it means much lower level medication or none at all and the result is improved egg quality.  When I produced my 4 frozen embryos I was on the lowest dose stimulation cycle I had been on yet the quantity and quality was better than I had ever had.  The cycles are also cheaper because you spend about a third of the amount on medication.

Sorry for sounding preachy but I have learnt a lot over my 7 cycles and I strongly believe its important to get your basic health (physical and mental) right and then choose the right path for your cycles be it with donor eggs or own eggs, standard IVF or mild.  My clinic specialise in women over 40 with egg reserve issues and their approach definitely seems to suit me better.

Also some of you were asking about survival rates for frosties.  Mine were fast frozen which I think is meant to be best for survival and so far 2 out of 2 survived the thaw.

As I mentioned I had a day two transfer on Monday if 2 x grade 1 4 cell embryos. I couldn't believe both survived the thaw and even better that they were grade 1.  I have never had grade 1 embryos EVER (best has been 2 but more often they were grade 3).  I was so happy I cried and made the embryologist cry too!  The tough part is staying stress free as my darling cat is dying of cancer and she had a couple of bad days this week and we are buying a house and exchanging in a couple of weeks but the seller has started to be awkward so I haven't been sleeping all that well and I have been upset quite a bit.  Not ideal although the only positive is being distracted from focusing on my embryos.  Starting to feel paranoid that this has mucked up my chances a bit but I am just staying home to cuddle my cat the next 4 days and will try to get more sleep.

Good luck to you all in the decisions you face and upcoming cycles.

Take care,

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

WOW Trumpet.. Congrats on being pupo with may I say two beauties onboard!! I have my absolute everything crossed for you and shall   non stop for a juicy BFP!! 

Thank you for your comments along with Tiffany's. Blimey girls we really are all in the same boat and one thing I do agree with.. all the fancy tests and drugs etc aren't the answer. That said I have had all the immunes testing only for it to come back all clear   although I do have raised NK cells which is apparent in other ways so I would always take Pred, Clexane & Gestone (only did this on my last cycle) 

For me now that my insides have been returned to normal, no nasty large hydro and tube, no giant cycst and adhesions everywhere I feel a different women.. I've joined weight watchers as I want to shift at least a stone (hopefully 2) and in two weeks I've lost 4Ib which doesn't sound a lot but my god I feel so much better for it.. I've also returned to the gym this week after my op and that too adds to positive mental attitude. So just maybe turning 40 hasn't been such a bad thing  

Let me just give you some of my collection history's and I'd love your thoughts.. Just to clarify I have two 3day embies 8cell and 8 slow freeze eggs (not embryo's) obviously you don't get a quality as they are only eggs but at collection I had 9 out of which 8 were suitable for freezing. 

So in brief. 
Cycle 1 cancelled poor response to LP 
#2 - Short Flare, 6 eggs collected (6 amps menopur) 5 suitable for ICSI 4 fertilised and I had SET on a 3 day 8 cell no frag and two frozen both 8 cell. BFN bled prior to OTD
#3 - Short Flare, 12 eggs collected (6 amps menopur) 9 suitable for ICSI 6 fertilised and went for blast 5 left on day 5, 2x 4AA and 2x 4BB 1x 4BC. Transferred 2 froze 3 BFN bled prior to OTD 
#4 - Medicated FET (rough with DR) thawed the two 3 day embies to see if they reached blast which they did but on 4CC so then defrosted the blasts to pick the best of the best and transferred 2 blasts still expanding average 4BB.. and destroyed the remaining BFN (didn't bleed prior to OTD due to HRT) 
#5 - Short Flare, 9 eggs collected at 8.30am.. didn't check ex's sperm till 2.30pm and found all was dead!! Froze 8 eggs
Changed clinic after had lift off with the crappy NHS hospital 9costing me £26,500 in all) took my frozen eggs with me.
All immunes tests done only thing back is NK cells. 
#6 - Short Flare (5 amps menopur)- 6 eggs 5 fert with IVF and DS 1 over fertilised (2 sperms got in) and on day 3 all 4 perfect 8cell no frag (new clinic won't go to blast with under 5 embies) had scratch, intralipid on pred, gestone and clexane had 2 transferred and 2 froze.. BFN.. LOST THE WILL TO LIVE!!

So as you can see I've had a right rollercoaster.. Now my consultant has said that due to the fact I have a lower amount proves the fact of quality over quantity.. he also added that only 50% of ladies get frosties and for me to have frosties on every fresh cycle indicates they MAY be of good quality... BUT why have the others all failed me.. Is it the first clinics numerous cock ups? Is it that my eggs are crappy? is it the darn hydro, cyst and adhesions that have had a huge inpact?..   

Answers on a postcard please Lol xx


----------



## Jess81

Hi Ladies,
i don't post much on here anymore but wanted to say i do still read and couldn't just run. As you know we went double donor on the last cycle and got BFP, we decided to end our journey with our own eggs and sperm because we never got to blast on any of our cycles. we had some really good looking embryos but never knew why they took! i was on all sorts of meds including pred, clexane, gestone, asprin and extra vit d. this time we had a good endo scratch and 2 lots of intralipids.... obviously we will never know what it was that worked for us but if we ever decided to go again then we would use the same combination. 

i really really wish you all the luck in the world that whichever path you choose you get your BFP's! 

much love 

Jess xxxx


----------



## pookiepoo

Hi Trumpet,

Congrats on having two lovelies onboard!
Rest well and take it easy. It's really interesting to read your post and yes, I'm also very much in belief to keep healthy body and mind....the latter is much more difficult.
My doctors have always had high hopes for us, as you say because of my ovarian reserve and blasts outcome, but we are still here with no baby. Maybe we've just been extremely unlucky?! Who gets CMV for the first time, after getting pregnant by IVF? The chance is as low as getting struck by lightning.

Jess, I'm so happy DD worked for you! There is alway hope....there is always a way to become a mother! 

Lots of love
Pani x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Hello ladies, 

Jess we've spoke before.. it is lovely to hear DD worked for you x

Hello Pani77.. how are you doing? Lol I love the bit about being struck by lightning.. I feel like I've been struck several times lol. CMV is that the CMV positive or neg thing? 

Well just to add another spanner in the works, clinic have just called to say AMH result is back at 6.7pmo/L which is the sameish of where it was back in 2011!!! Surely it should of gone down.. The sister said it was low but good for a 40 year old.. Makes no sense to me. By the way any ladies of 40 + did you have any worries of with downs syndrome.. I know it increases quite a lot as you get older. 

I need a glass of wine that's for sure.. in fact might just go for the bottle with a straw   xx


----------



## pookiepoo

Hey Morris,

I actually got cmv virus during the first five weeks of my last pregnancy.
It's basically a flu type virus that 50% of uk population have got as a child and are immune to it when pregnant, so they become CMV positive. I of course has not got it before so was cmv negative when became pregnant. 
I don't even know how I got it...just random, probably from a colleague, a friend or just a stranger in the tube?! Who knows! But the outcome of my beautiful BFP changed. My babies got infected and I had to terminate the pregnancy.

So ladies who get BFP....if you can check your CMV status and if negative, be very very very careful. 

Hope this happens to no one else. At least to no other lady going they IVF!

Pani x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Oh Pani that's terrible.. You poor thing so you was positive then turned negative? sorry if I've misunderstood. 

If you don't mind me asking why did it cause problems? Only because some donors are CMV pos and some negs and when I looked abroad they didn't say I needed to check this, infact they said it didn't matter but is that not the case? 

I know I'm positive as I was checked Jan 2013.. 

Big hugs xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Ignore me just read yours again.. So do babies not survive with CMV neg?

Blimey that opens up a new can of worms doesn't it.. Wonder why UK clinics ask donors and only match you with like for like though overseas ones don't.. most odd x


----------



## pookiepoo

I was negative, ie never had it before, and became positive as I was infected. It took however 12 months for me to get fully immune to the virus....talk about a long horrible wait after termination! Once you become infected you remain positive for the rest of your life. Ie immune to the virus.
So if you're positive, you're immune. 
I don't know how it works with donors....

One of the babies died at 10 weeks, and the other had severe brain damage and wouldn't survive birth. ERPC lab report showed CMV virus present, so doctors concluded that both outcome of babies were due to CMV transmission to the placenta. 

Hope this is clear...

Pani x


----------



## pookiepoo

Many do....others don't. Especially if infected early in pregnancy.
Other outcomes are deafness, brain damage, development issues.

You can read about it on cmvaction.com

Sorry to scare you. But it happened to me and could happen to anyone! But you're positive you said, so don't have to worry. 

X


----------



## Tiffanymi

Hi all

I must say and I mean this in the nicest way possible. It's so nice to chat to people who have Wally been through the run of the mill with BFNs or TTC. Now of course I don't mean I am happy you are struggling, I just admittedly find it hard to find to people who have had many failures.....many posts people seem to get lucky and luge births average 3 IVFs and I always feel so alone like the oldest IVFer in the book who just never gets pregnant. It's nice to meet people on some level who can identify with prolonged TTC and the deep feelings that go with it. So cyber hugs to everyone. 

Trumpet thanks for the heads up on back to back cycles. I know if I get a BFN it will hit me worse as it will be a double dose. I am so happy to hear your positivity and changes I rally hope this goes well for you and that these ones are going to kick on and lead you to a healthy BFP

Pani I am so sad about your story it must have been so devastating. Just wanted to let you know that to have carried on you have been very strong and I wish it happens for you soon. 

Hbkmorris you too have had such a long story. It's so hard to pinpoint exactly what it could be. I hope you are able to find some answers. Isn't it frustrating that thee are no definite answers!!!!

Jess congrats and thanks for the message of hope!!

Hope you ladies have a good weekend. TGIF!!


----------



## Hbkmorris

Tiffany.. I'm with you and every word you say I echo it.. Like for like with heart ache non stop and finally I meet peeps where they have been through and are going through a rough ride. 

It's due time we had some joy to share and that goes for all of us.. You watch when we do we'll all be going on about multiple pregnancies!! Here's hoping ah. Least now I'm 40 I can have more than 2 embies transferred lol.. not that it makes an ounce of difference mind you. 

Well I have wine chilling and I thing WW might allow me to have chicken tikka tonight along with a few glasses.. Have a lovely weekend peeps xx


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## Tiffanymi

Enjoy the wine Hbkmorris sounds like a gat night. I agree that we are going to start a multiple BFP trend on this link!!! From now on, our luck turns. Have a good night!!


----------



## Tiffanymi

Hi all

en exceptionally hard for me. Went to my relative kids party. Everyone has kids galore and every conversation was about kids or new Borns. I usually can take it but was just so sad and out of place. I was just sitting in one spot the whole party not really talking and felt like just crawling into bed alone at home. I now know this has hit me big time more than ever and it's so hard so hard having to carry on every day. I can't even prwtend anymore at a party. I just feel so bad.


----------



## pookiepoo

Hi Tiffany,

A lot of times I feel the same. Even if I've got BFPs. I don't know how old you are, but most my friends are mid thirtees and they all have kids or pregnant.

I feel like an outsider. Like everyone looks at us and feel sorry for us or wonder why we don't have kids. I try to avoid kids parties. It's really not a place for people without kids. I usually say I'm ill or DH is ill, or we are away.

Pani x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Hi Tiffany, 
I have felt like that on many occasions....so hard. We even have a relative who has huge parties for all 3 of her kids, and she point blank refused to invite us to a single one because of the infertility, even tho rest of family got invites....


----------



## rory2011

Baby Rory arrived on 10th July after a quick labour. We are all doing well and we are completely in love with him. Can't believe we finally did it. Weighs 7lb7.

To pani77, tiffanymi, welcome to this board. It has been a crutch during my dark times of infertility treatment.

To everyone else, hope you are all doing well xx


----------



## pookiepoo

Congrats Rory!
Yes, you've finally done it and looking at your history, I'm do pleased it finally did! You deserve the joy.

Pani x


----------



## Tiffanymi

Thanks pani and seemedlikeforever for your words. Helps to think I'm not going crazy and it is normal in a situation like this. Pani I am 35. 

Rory congrats! Great news.


----------



## pookiepoo

Hi Tiffany,
I'm even dreading a Sunday lunch we are going to next week, where the host just recently announced her pregnancy. I know the whole lunch will be about her pregnancy. I'm so terrified of it, I even dreamt about it last night.

When is this going to be over? When will I be normal again?


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Huge congratulations Rory! Enjoy every second of your little treasure xxx


----------



## bethholm

Utterly thrilled Rory!

Much love

B xxx


----------



## Tiffanymi

I know Pani, it's so hard. Hope next week goes ok for you. X


----------



## bethholm

Pani- I am so sorry for your loss- it must have been utterly heartbreaking for you. Keeping everything crossed for you my lovely. Don't give up.

B xxx


----------



## pookiepoo

Thanks Beth!

It's really hard knowing I've lost here children over the last twelve months. Especially hard when people ask "why don't you have children?"....

I looked at your long journey for your son! I'm so happy for you. I hope it will happen for me too one day soon. I don't  know how much more I can take....

Hi to everyone else.

Pani x


----------



## bethholm

Hi Pani, it was a very difficult journey over around 4 years, involving around 5 operations, 8 IVFs, £52,000 costs, 2 ERPCs, 4 known miscarriages and a funeral for one of them, all my IVF friends having babies and then having their second, DH's 16 year old daughter having a one night stand and having a baby and approximately 1600 needles- but I couldn't give up, for if I had done, what would it all have been for? Keep the faith- it will happen (for heaven's sake- get to Serum!)- you just somehow have to find the inner strength and push on through the dark times, which it sounds as if you've had more than your fair share. Take care of yourself.

Much love 
B xxx


----------



## Jess81

Congrats Rory amazing news! Xx


----------



## waikiki

Yay, congratulations Rory and welcome to the world baby Rory!


----------



## Hbkmorris

Oh Rory.. Congratulations.. Such lovely news and your words & news give us all hope x


----------



## Mogster

Congrats Rory!!!!!
So glad to see another baby born to someone on this thread.

xxx


----------



## Tiffanymi

Beth, your story is inspirational. You have been through so much. What did you do differently to achieve the results and more importantly how did you keep sane?

Pani, I never read your full history. I am so sorry for your losses, you are a very strong person. 

Hi everyone else X Monday has come and gone. I am scanning tomorrow to see if I can go ahead with FET next week. Also want to cross question my doctor a bit more as well. 

Have a good week.


----------



## Hbkmorris

Tiffany, all the best of luck for tomorrow's scan.. Fingers and toes crossed for you xx


----------



## Tiffanymi

Thanks so much Hbkmorris  Hope you having a good week!


----------



## bethholm

Good luck Tiffany for tomorrow. I moved to Serum and DD and that's why we got there in the end. It took sheer determination and I simply couldn't give up- what would all the pain and tears have been for if I had?

Big hugs to all you utterly amazing women on THE best thread on FF and especially to my dear friend HBKMorris in particular and the girls who were there for me over the years.

Much love

Beth x


----------



## Sarapd

Congratulations Rory. Amazing news. 
Sara. xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Oh Beth.. You gave me all the love and support when I needed it the most.. I've shared your up's and down's and shared the absolute relief and joy when we all heard of beanie being safe and in your arms.

I think in a year or so I may be heading to DD but in the meantime I just need to rule out my OE once and for all. 

Lots of love xxxx


----------



## pinkpixie

Huge congratulations Rory xxxx


----------



## pookiepoo

Hi Morris,
Are you going to start using your frozen embies and or eggs going forward?
X


----------



## Tiffanymi

Hi all

Hope you are all doing well today. 

I went to scan today. Renewed hope and positivity after having a heart to heart with my doctor. Feel much more positive to go into another. Doing my first FET ever. I always did fresh and always paid full price. Never knew this was so cheap compared to how much I have been spending each cycle!! Transfer early next week. So hoping for a miracle in this cycle. First things first...I need them to thaw and still survive


----------



## pookiepoo

Hi Tiffany!
Best of lunch with the FET! How many are you thawing? 
Is your cycle medicated? How have you prepared for your FET?

Tell me all about it as I will probably soon embark on an FET.

X


----------



## Michimoo

Congratulations Rory. Massive hugs xxxxx


----------



## Sassy-lassy

I've not been a regular poster here, but I wanted to update my position after my last post (see below). I went ahead with a 5th DE IVF and at the end of the 2WW was devastated (though not completely surprised, as I'd had bad food poisoning straight after ET) to get a BFN. I tested 2-3x over as many days using a HPT. After liberally drowning my sorrows, stopping all meds and a period, I decided to do a back-to-back FET cycle. Last Monday however, I went for a lining scan and the sonographer found a completely unexpected pregnancy, complete with a heartbeat. Unbelievable. It is very early days and there are problems which mean it might not be viable, but it is my first ever [confirmed] pregnancy in the right place. I know that there are ladies on here who have had longer journeys than mine, but I wanted to give people hope that sometimes amazing things happen, even when all the facts suggest otherwise. 
Good luck to you all,
Sassy x


Sassy-lassy said:


> Hello ladies,
> Just wondering if I can join you&#8230; Have finally added a signature of sorts to my profile, so you can see that I have had several DE IVF cycles now, none of which - alas - has been successful.
> I'm about to press the button on another treatment cycle, but am feeling very negative and anxious. For the first time, it is dawning on me that OH and I may never have children. "if it's failed 4 times, why should it succeed this time?" a little voice inside me is whispering. I can't face a 5th failure and the end of our dreams.
> Can I ask how you manage to remain positive?
> I can't share my journey with anyone outside FF due to OH's religion (which forbids the kind of fertility treatment we're having), so I'm feeling alone and rather down. Need to develop some PMA (positive mental attitude) for the next go, but finding it really, really hard.
> Any advice please?


----------



## Hbkmorris

Oh Sassy-lassy, that's wonderful news and OMG I bet you were totally blown away with the news. Congratulations hun.. How strange that non of the tests showed a BFP or two lines.. You even had a period? have you started re-taking your meds? 

I wish you all the very best and I   to god for a positive and perfect 9 month looking forward. 

xxx


----------



## Tiffanymi

Sassy lassy such great news thanks for inspiring me as I feel the same as your old post. I really hope everything is ok for you and all goes well. 

Pani. I have 4 frozen and am thawing 2. Please let them both survive. I need 2 back!!

My cycle is medicated meaning still have esterofem, progesterone, etc. 

I am still on immune injections, etc. I have done nothing different from last time just trusting my doctor now that there is nothing more I can do, it's the eggs. So therefore I haven't done much to prepare. Just literally got my BFN 2 weeks ago so this is back to back. But I'm happy to go back and hope it works.


----------



## pookiepoo

Hi all,

Wanted to give you an update from my appointment with dr A after testing embryo from My miscarriage.

We were all shocked to find out that there wasn't anything wrong with the baby.
So I'm having further tests done on me. Already have had my immune checked. But now being checked for thrombophilia and also having the 3D scan. He said these are the only tests I need. Any other tests you ladies heard of I need to ask him about?

So once those results come back we will know what to do.
He said we need to be positive as I can get pregnant and our embryos are fine. But need to know what caused the mc.

Scared now! What can it mean? What if I can't carry my own children?

Sorry for no personals. A but confused and typing from my phone at work.

Pani x


----------



## Tiffanymi

Hi pani, that must have been such a hard appointment with your doctor. Hope you feeling ok. Good luck for the tests. Sounds good. 

I think some tests may be thyroid, immune you have, nk cells I heard, egg chromosome and sperm chromosome, hysterectopy, doing an endi scratch before cycle, blood clots I think you mentioned. Hope you find the cause of what went wrong  It must be so difficult but glad you can get preg. 

Upi also heard some countries do a lining receptive test. 

With a hysterectopy they picked some things up that would lead to a mc later on which I was grateful. 

Rally hope you get answers....all the best!!


----------



## pookiepoo

H Tiffany, 
Thyroid is ok. As the miscarried embryo was had ok chromosomes, dr didn't see a need to investigate them at the moment. But rather to test me.

Yes. It was a hard meeting. Especially since DH already talking about surrogacy. Guess he doesn't  understand the importance of being pregnant. Doctor doesn't think we should go there yet. First understand what problem is. 

Another scary thing if both tests recommended will come back normal. What then? I will have a month or more of wondering before can get some answers.

My life is passing by day by day, just waiting. It feels like I'm sitting in a waiting room and I  ever get called to be seen. Others go in and come out successful. I keep waiting.

Pani


----------



## Tiffanymi

I know how you feel. I feel like time has stood still for me and I am just counting days not living in the present but waiting to live once I get my BFP. I can't remember the last time I truly laughed and I used to all the time. We just have to hope that our time is coming soon and that this will happen for us and we will get a miracle. Sorry to hear you feeling so low, those days can be so painful. I also don't have answers and am just believing that I will be able to get BFP without knowing wtf is wrong. Excuse the language. Sending you some energy and revised hope X


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

I apologise if I miss everyone but I had so many to catch up iron since my last post.

Rory - big congratulations on the safe arrival of your darling baby boy!  I remember when you got your positive and it seems like 5 minutes ago.  Enjoy this amazing time.  So happy for you.

Jess - so glad your pregnancy is going so well and over half way all ready.  Looking forward to hearing when your baby arrives too.

Sara - sorry to see you had a chemical your last cycle.

Pani - looking at your history I can't imagine how awful it has been for you.  It's amazing you have got through it.  Stay strong and be good to yourself.

HBK - you have certainly been through the mill and its perplexing as to why it's not worked for you yet.  I do agree with your doctors though in that the fact you are able to produce blastocysts is a good sign.  Hopefully now you have had all the other problems sorted out that you will achieve the BFP you so deserve.

Tiffany - glad you have started your FET.  I was also worried about the thawing but both my embryos survived and they were the best quality I have ever had.  FET cycles are not only cheaper but much less invasive and stressful.  I have everything crossed for you.

Beth - glad you got your baby in the end after all the hell you went through!

Sassylassy - amazing about your BFP.  A friend of mine just did a cycle and she got a BFN on the day her clinic told her to test so she stopped the meds and drowned her sorrows but when all she had a was a bit of spotting she tested again a week later to be sure and it was positive!  Unbelievable but great.  I hope yours is viable so good luck.

General comment regarding kids parties, being around pregnant people etc.  sometimes you just have to preserve your own emotional wellbeing and don't go to such events if you think it's going to make you feel crap.  If people are good friends they will understand.  This process is tough enough as it is without making yourself even worse.  You have to do what is right for you to keep you strong.  I used  to go to everything as I hate letting people down but after one particularly bad evening out where I cried my eyes out when I got home I decided I wouldn't put myself through that again.  Sometimes I am fine but other times I know I won't be so I just don't put myself through it.

AFM - my cat is still hanging in there and she has been a lot better the last few days (even caught a mouse on Friday).  We know she only has a matter of weeks but I couldn't have faced losing her this weekend which is what we though would have happened at the beginning of last week.  The vet checked her out and he said as she is still having a quality life and doesn't seem in too much discomfort then it's not her time just yet.  The house buying issues have resolved and we should exchange on Wednesday which will be a weight off our mind.  Its D day for us tomorrow.  Apart from a very uncomfortable bloated stomach which I think is from the Prednisolone I have no symptoms of any sort.  It's not been too bad but glad the wait is over tomorrow as I just want to know now one way or the other.  If it's doesn't work out I will feel sad but I feel very positive about this cycle as it's the best we have ever had and it's given me confidence that one day it will work for us.

Sorry if I have missed anyone and Michimoo, Mogster - hope you are both ok?

Take care all,

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Tiffanymi

Hi trumpet. Glad to hear about your thawing and quality experience. 

Sorry about your cat I know there are no words. And to be going through this and FET is really hard. You sound like a very strong and positive person which is inspirational as from your history you too have been through so much.

Most importantly good good luck for tomorrow is it OTd or hpt? I really wish you  the best. Although I have never got Bfp or symptoms I heard many people react differently. Hope this is the beginning of a cycle of BFPs over the next month. All the best I know it's a hard time. x


----------



## pookiepoo

Thanks Trumpet!
I hope you will be a BFP this time! As Tiffany says, may this be a good month for all in cycle.

I'm not in a good place myself. Feel we have been trying to fix a wrong problem so far....we always thought all is fine with me and if I get BFP it will be alright. Now we know it 's not. So looking at alternatives. Even though I had immune treatment at CRGh this last cycle, think that was not enough....we need further intervention. Looked into serum and dr G....and also continuing to speak with our dr at crgh as they are also to run additional test. Also opening up to surrogacy.  I would move to adoption today. But DH is not ready. 

So all in all, even though we have frosties, and we know I get pregnant, we are only at a starting point.

Hope this doesn't discourage anyone. Just my experience. Hope to find a solution soon.

Pani x


----------



## Trumpet

Thanks Tiffany and Pani,

I hope today is our day but hoping if it isn't I am a lot stronger to deal with it than I was during my last cycle where we reached transfer stage a year ago.  I totally fell apart! This is my 7th cycle and 4th to reach transfer stage but definitely our best.  Feeling strangely calm and managed to sleep last night.  Maybe its because I know there is nothing I can do now to change the outcome so I am resigned to my fate.  Saying that if its negative I will probably end up hysterical later!!!
Pani, I wish there was something to say to make you feel better.  I don't think you should give up on carrying your own just yet as your first experience was tragic but due to the CMV not your inability to carry your babies.  I know you have miscarried since then but miscarriages are very common and again you may have just been unlucky.  Like you I would adopt today but my Husband is not ready either.  Its good to have in mind other options as they give comfort that you will become a Mum one day by whatever means but I honestly don't think its your time to move onto surrogacy etc just yet.

Take care all and I will keep you posted.

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Trumpet

Tiffany forgot to say I am having a blood test at clinic and its 2 weeks since transfer. Glad as I have an irrational fear of pee sticks after so many negatives x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Trumpet.. I've my everything crossed for you. I'm praying it's good news for you x


----------



## Tiffanymi

Trumpet thinking of you today hoping all went well. 

Pani sorry to hear you are feeling this way. It is so hard. Donor eggs is my last chance I am not able to adopt. I need to make this work. I heard serum penny specifically is phenomenal I think you should def try them. They also specialize in multiple BFNs. Having said that I know it's hard to feel you are at square 1 again. I hope there is some hope and answers you can get in the meantime. 

AFM transfer tomorrow. Wishing for happy angels thawing my DEs. And then a BFP of course!!  I know I did this rather quickly from my last cycle but am glad I did. I am in a good mental space now and just want to kick on. DE cycles also aren't as harsh on the body. Working half day then going transfer so hoping all hoes well. 

XXx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

trumpet   
Tiffany    all goes well tomorrow, and for the 2WW


----------



## pookiepoo

Hi Tiffany, 
Best of luck on the transfer. 
I'm looking into alternative clinics at the moment. 
And going to see a counsellor tomorrow. 

Pani x


----------



## Tiffanymi

Thanks seems like 4ever and pani for the wishes. 

Pani something's different clinics have fresh ways of doing things. Good luck for counselling as well.


----------



## Hbkmorris

All the best for transfer tomorrow.. I shall keep my everything crossed for you. 

Pain.. I feel the same, I'm somewhat in limbo not knowing which way to turn and which ways right!! I've got to find a pot of gold before I decide my fate.. Now that's a tricky one!! X


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Tiffany good luck for tomorrow I have everything crossed for you and Pani I did some counselling last year which helped a bit but I have also been working with a nutritionist and mindset coach and the mindset has really helped to keep me more positive.  Good luck!

AFM - I got my long awaited BFP today! Can't quite believe it after 7 cycles.  Feel so relieved and happy. I know there is a long way to go but this feels like such a breakthrough for us!  My beta result was 508 which they said was really good and I will have my first scan in 2 weeks.  My little frosties did good!

With much love to all your lovely Ladies,

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Wohooooooooo whoooooooo whoooooo congratulations. What a fab HCG level and soo pleased you've got your long awaited BFP.. Totally thrilled for you. 

May the next 2 weeks fly by and the 8 or so months after that. 

Precious cargo onboard.. Feet up and enjoy a bit of pampering xx


----------



## bethholm

Pani-  good luck tomorrow.

Trumpet- woop woop!!!!!!!!!

Tiffany/ good luck too.

B xxx


----------



## pookiepoo

Morris! Wow! Congrats. After seven rounds, amazing news.


----------



## Hbkmorris

It's not me Pani it's trumpet.. I'm on cycle no 6 ready and waiting x


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Trumpet       woohoo! Absolutely delighted for you xx


----------



## pookiepoo

congrats trumpet and good luck Morris.


And thanks Beth for well wishes. I'll be in touch with you soon. 

X


----------



## Jess81

congrats trumpet.. Lucky number 7 for you too!! the only advice i can give you is take each day as it comes and enjoy every second!! xxx


----------



## Sarapd

Fantastic news Trumpet - I'm so pleased for you. 
Sara. xx


----------



## Tiffanymi

2 transferred. Sitting at clinic for 20 minutes. My cervics was a bit behind and transfer quite sore but ok. So happy I have 2. He said they look like text book embryos but he said that last time too...hoping for my BFP.


----------



## Hbkmorris

Oh WOW Tiff.. Congrats on being pupo.. ha ha text book embies, they sound a pair of beauties. 

May I ask how many you had to thaw? Just debating my two little cherries xx


----------



## rory2011

Trumpet, congratulations. I am so pleased for you xx 

Tiffany, good luck for the 2 ww


----------



## Sassy-lassy

Fabulous news Trumpet    .  It doesn't get any easier as the no, of failed cycles rises, so well done for hanging on in there.

Tiffany, congratulations on being PUPO.  May 2WW madness treat you kindly :-D

Sass x


----------



## Tiffanymi

Thanks everyone for all your support. 

Trumpet so so happy for you!!!! Let's keep good news flowing. What a great end to such a hard road. All the best over the 9 months. 

Pani all the best!

Hbkmorris I had 4FETs and they unfroze 2 and both thawed perfectly. Put 2 back in and have 2 frozen. I based it on all my past bad luck that I would not be happy with 1. What are you leaning towards?


----------



## Tiffanymi

Just a question. If my OTD is 10 days after a FET of a 5 day transfer, when is the earliest I can HPT. Got the POAS bug now.


----------



## Hbkmorris

Oh Tiff, that's brilliant. I'd say I've heard people test as early as 7dpt.. Was your FET natural or medicated? All the very best.. I've my everything crossed for you.. You deserve to be a mummy now.. Another 2 in the freezer is sibling material xx 

I've only 2 x 3day embies and I'm scared they won't thaw, do I wait for my scan on Saturday then decide on another fresh or do I just jump on the DE train.. Who know.. I think if I can if like to try my two cherries first then save for a de cycle xx


----------



## Cranky Angie

Fabulous trumpet!!!!!
Keep us updated.  
Ange xxx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Tiff, hold off as long as you can for your own sanity! I had my successful ET of a day 4, on a Tues then tested on Thursday of the following week - I deliberately never bougjt any new POAS just used an ancient one then had to send DH to Tesco for more!!!


----------



## Trumpet

Hi All,

Thanks for your kind messages. It certainly feels amazing to finally achieve a BFP after all the heartache and frankly rubbish cycles.
Tiffany - good luck with the 2ww. I can only advise you not to test early as hard as it is waiting as it can cause a lot of unnecessary upset. My friend got a negative POAS and that was testing on the day recommended by her clinic so not technically early. She stopped her meds as advised and drowned her sorrows. When after a week she only had some spotting and no period she tested again and she is actually pregnant. She is just over a week ahead of me.  She is obviously delighted but had a week of upset she didn't need to go through as well as the worry of feeling bad for having alcohol.  It made me feel grateful that my clinic will only do a proper beta HCG blood test as they said those POAS are not reliable enough in the early stages. I still haven't used a POAS (my irrational fear of them still remains)!
Good luck as the waiting is tough!
Hank my embryos were frozen on day 1 and transferred on day 2.  Like Tiffany both thawed beautifully and I still have two frozen. I used to be obsessed about them not having a chance as they are not blastocysts but my clinic always says if they are good embryos they are good embryos and there is no better place for them than inside you so they put them back sooner rather than later. Good luck in deciding what to do regarding using your frosties versus fresh.

Take care all,

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Trumpet

Sorry meant to say HBK not Hank (silly predictive text) x


----------



## Hbkmorris

Bless you thank you and I agree best inside than in a dish.. I've decided to go with my frosties in September/October thank you for the words and outcomes of encouragement.. You've helped me to make up my mind. 

P.s Hank.. ha ha I love Hank.. Williams that is not Marvin    xxx


----------



## Trumpet

That's great HBK! Glad you have come to a decision. I think it's the right thing to do.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Trumpet xxx


----------



## Sassy-lassy

HBK - Fabulous, and something to look forward to in the Autumn! As for the defrosting, these days the process is really sophisticated with excellent success rates - the last five frosties we've had thawed out fine with no problems. Didn't loose one! Good luck xx



hbkmorris said:


> Bless you thank you and I agree best inside than in a dish.. I've decided to go with my frosties in September/October thank you for the words and outcomes of encouragement.. You've helped me to make up my mind.


----------



## Tiffanymi

Hank I mean Hbkmorris  I'm glad you made that decision. The reason is you will never know and you may regret not having done the frosties. This way you will get closure if anything negative happens and you need to go to DE. I waited too long to go to DE but I must admit I was very sad to let my eggs go, it's almost like you grieve. Having closure and knowing you tried everything is so important. Not long until September. I'm hoping this is your time!!

Trumpet, thanks I hope I follow in your footsteps. And you have 2 more for siblings which is so amazing!!

AFM today my nerves came up quite badly. It brings back some tough memories and I just need to remain clam and hopeful. 

Thanks for the advise I will try stick it out to OTD and not do pregnancy test.


----------



## Tiffanymi

Hey guys

When should symptoms start. I know not always get symptoms but when should most people get...I'm starting to freak out a little.


----------



## waikiki

Tiffany - don't panic if you have no symptoms. I felt absolutely nothing until 5 or 6 weeks, despite having twins on board and an HCG of 679 on OTD! Good luck hun


----------



## pookiepoo

Tiffany, no symptoms is absolutely normal. Have you been on the symptoms thread? I think it's called symptoms that went to BFP....might help to ease your mind. The message is, we're all different.

Hbk, glad you've made a decision. Hope your last shot on own eggs will work. If not, DE is a great option and great results....doors are open for you!

Trumpet,,,,hope all's well and waiting eagerly for your scan I'm sure!


AFM, think AF is finally showing after mc. Have had in and off spotting since bleeding stopped, but now AF cramps and real blood is showing....one step forward I hope. If it's really here, I'll call my clinic on mon to arrange 3D aqua scan....

Then all the blood tests to come......think I'll be here wondering for ages.

How are you Beth? 2 ww going well?

Xx to everyone else.

Pani x


----------



## rory2011

Tiffany, I didn't start having mild nausea symptoms till I was 6 weeks. I was also having twins at that point too. I think it's very common not to have anything till around that time. I had no boob ache.,cramps  etc either. At 6 weeks my nausea would come and go. I remember saying to the clinic that I wasn't sure if it was all in head at that point! She replied saying that it probably wasn't! 

Good luck, the 2 ww is such a head doer!


----------



## Trumpet

Tiffany I have everything crossed for you!  I didn't have symptoms during my 2 ww at all. In fact I was convinced it hadn't worked as I had previous cycles that were negative but where I had more symptoms like sore boobs etc. than I did on this cycle - my one successful one. Even now apart from feeling a bit bloated in the abdomen and peeing every 5 minutes I don't really have anything else.
Hang in there - this is the tough bit!
Pani - glad your body is starting to get back to normal after the miscarriage. I really pray that the next cycle works out for you.
HBK (aka Hank)! - my frosties were clearly my best yet at countless grade 3 embryos! Wishing you all the best for this next cycle. As the others said, survival rates are really good. Both mine survived yet my fresh embryos seemed to drop like flies!
Waikiki - hope you are enjoying being a Mum.

Hi to everyone else!

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Tiffanymi

Thanks Waikiki, trumpet, and Rory for your stories on symptoms. I feel much more relieved. Hard having felt the same every cycle to still have hope. It's ups and downs. 
It is good to hear some people don't have 2ww symptoms as you hear about them all the time and wonder why you haven't. 

Pani I will check the thread thanks. I know having AF will be painful and all the things you need to do from here. Hope you are able to get some clarity.


----------



## pookiepoo

It wasn't AF afterall, or just light! I'm confused


----------



## Tiffanymi

Pani our bodies from all these hormones do crazy things unfortunately. Not easy to know what the heck is going on. 


I m choosing now not to think about lack of symptoms as it's driving me crazy and just to relax while pupo.


----------



## Tiffanymi

Hi all

Been a while....


----------



## Tiffanymi

BFN HPT. OTD tomorrow but I know it will match. Just trying to remain positive but again.....and again BFN ;(


----------



## Hbkmorris

Oh Tiff.. I'm sorry to read this.. I'm truly going to pray you are so wrong.. Why oh why is this journey so damn hard and sad.. Big hugs chicken xxx


----------



## pookiepoo

Tiffany, I'm genuinely sorry. 
I hope you find resolution and hope so that you can move forward in your journey. 
There is a way for you to have a child, you just need to find the way.

Pani x


----------



## Cranky Angie

So sorry Tiffany. BFNs are just the worst thing ever.   
Thinking of you. 
Ange xxxx


----------



## rory2011

Big hugs Tiffany. I hope that you do get your bfp tomorrow and it was just too early to test xx


----------



## bethholm

Massive hugs Tiffany, but it could be too early.
B xxx


----------



## rory2011

Beth, I see you are on the roller coaster again. Good luck xx


----------



## seemedlike4eva

Tiff,    you may have a late implanter


----------



## Tiffanymi

Hi

My doctor said he still thinks it's the donor eggs based on odds but we were quite firm that it may not be and can we do further tests. He is sening us to a clinic in another province for immune tests as I take meds but never done them and he wants to do hysterectopy again. I'm tired of this!!!!


----------



## pookiepoo

Tiffany, 

Yes you should do further testing before you do another round. What's the likelihood of them giving you "bad eggs"? 
Were do you receive your treatment? 

If you're at Serum like a lot of ladies on this thread, they should be able to do the tests for you.
If you're at another clinic and want to see someone regarding this, see Dr G in London, or Dr B in NY via Skype. 

They or Serum should help you with multiple BFNs. 

I hope you find a solution and some answers soon.

Best wishes for the future.

x


----------



## Trumpet

Oh Tiffany

I feel so bad for you   
BFN's are the worst.  I wouldn't rush into the next cycle if I was you and I agree with the others.  Try and get some answers first before you do another cycle.  Cycles are so energy sapping that you want to make sure that the next one will give you the best chance of success.

Although I was upset at the time, having an enforced break of 7 months when I was treated for thyroid problems actually did me the world of good physically and emotionally (not suggesting you wait that long).

You need time to build your strength up again and also to have a clear plan as to what needs to happen next based on knowledge rather than just "let's try this".

Good luck and keep us posted.

Cranky - I hope you are enjoying your little one!

Beth - could luck with you cycle in September.

Wishing everyone else all the best.

Trumpet xxx


----------



## bethholm

Hi everyone/ so sorry for all the sad news on here. I do keep up with all your news as I still feel that this thread is my home, however I didn't post that we were cycling again as I felt really guilty, having already had our miracle. We've had 3 BFNs now
in quick succession (4 months) the first back at Easter was down to the fact that a hysteroscopy in Athens afterwards, picked up on the fact that I had a massive uterus infection, which I probably got as a result of my c section back in January 2013
so it would never have worked. I had no symptoms so it was a bit of a shock. Our recent cycle was a nightmare from start to finish and was doomed to be honest! Peny wants us back in September. I've also been made redundant because I'm going for IVF again. I've had a legal battle since April as I've just lost my job- I was told if I went for IVF then my job would be axed in the restructure and low and behold, back in April, my job was the only one to be axed. Sadly, everything has been said behind closed doors to me so barristers in London have said that sadly, I haven't a strong case. I need to get a BFP ASAP so I don't use up any of my redundancy money and at some point, having paid in excess of £64k getting as far as this, I will need to go back to work! Peny has said that my uterus infection may have come back and she will try me on some different antibiotics as it is weird that twice now, with everything allegedly covered, I'm not getting pregnant when I was even getting pregnant on our own eggs and sperm. Hopefully, it'll work at some point but the 30 hour round trip to Athens and back is getting me down (and I've done it four times in 4 months!)

Thinking of all of you.
B x


----------



## rory2011

Beth, you poor thing. How awful about your job, what Gits for doing it to you.
Hope your next cycle works for you and Peny gets you your miracle number 2.
Xx


----------



## Tiffanymi

Hi all

Beth I'm SO sorry to hear all you are going through. Companies can be so heartless when it comes to real issues and they should understand IVF a little more. I hope this one works for you as I know finance is everything. 

AFM Thanks for the support everyone. Just trying to get my mind off it. I have emailed the doc for proper immune testing and going to do a hysterectopy again just to see nothing missed. I am scared my boss is getting irritated with my time off. Even though I take minimal time off due to my back to back cycles it adds up. Now I have to ask for hysterectopy!! I have taken all off annual to avoid sick leave but still is unplanned. The hysterectopy I am taking sick though. 

Can I ask everyone which tests I am missin

So I am doing immune. I have done clexane, thyroid, hysterectopy. After a next fresh cycle I will do egg chromosome testing. 

Dh has done the initial sperm tests

What am I missing?
What tests can you do beforehand for sperm?
What tests can I do?
I have never accupuncture - does it really help?

I'm glad I'm taking a forced break as I need it. I slept for 18 hours and my body and mind is just saying ENOUGH!!


----------



## seemedlike4eva

tiffany,   , hope your doctors will be helpful in organising further tests for you, and do take sick leave? At least you can claim it's a gynae problem, not IVF related. 
Beth, that totally sucks....   . All the best for September x


----------



## Tiffanymi

Hi all

Hope everyone ok 

Been getting migraines and not well but attitude is back and positive. For IVF and work and in general. Getting a bit of the ME factor back in my personality lol.  on anti bio tics for flu. Having hysterectopy next Tuesday to get it over with then locating immune doctor who hasn't replied yet and may be on meds. So next IVF I'll only be in 4 months or so. But honestly actually need the break!!


----------



## PoppyB

Hi ladies,

I wondered if I could join you here...I think it's safe to say I now qualify for a BFN veteran (reluctantly!) although never thought we'd be here this time last year. As you can see from my signature, we were successful on our first ICSI only to find we had the fluke of identical triplets who sadly stopped developing a year ago this week. Naively we thought (and read research) that said we had a good chance of conceiving again but 2 fresh cycles and 1 FET later, 3 "beautiful" embryos and nothing, not even a hint of a BFP. 

I know we are very blessed to have experienced pregnancy even for the short yet wonderful 5 weeks that we knew about it, but in some ways it makes this all so hard to understand why it won't work again. The doctors are a little baffled too as we've had level 1 immunes (I have mild clotting issues) and DH has had karyotyping, DNA fragmentation and all perfect.  I guess it's either something more wrong with me or  we produce abnormal embryos despite looking good .

Any suggestions or advice very welcome on our next steps...we're looking at ARGC and I have sent off the questionnaire to SERUM for Penny's opinion too. Also booked into see Mr Ramsey (urologist) in London for any further ideas to see if we can improve DHs swimmers! 

I hope you're all well, I'm sorry that we're in this thread but hope we get to join a BFP thread soon xx


----------



## pookiepoo

Hi ladies,
How's everyone?

Tiffany, any update on your tests/investigations?

Beth, how do you prep for your Sep FET? Do you start immune treatments before? And what happened with your job?

Ladies who got BFP, hope pregnancies are going well.


AFM, I've done extended immune tests and will do hidden C when AF arrives....so August is a month of waiting and reflection. Starting to get used to the idea that if doesn't work.... What next.....first time I feel this way between cycles. Don't know if it's age....or just getting used to failure. I always say it, I would adopt today. But DH isn't ready. And those frosties are waiting for us. 

When you wake up in the morning, does it take you split second to remember your pain? Every morning I wake up, I'm happy. And then I remember....

Hope everyone is doing well.

Pani x


----------



## pookiepoo

Welcome Poppy! I also joined this thread even if had BFPs, but everyone has been so welcoming and full of support.

I hope you find comfort chatting in this thread and go on to be successful like some of the other ladies...

Pani x


----------



## bethholm

Hi Poppy- So very sorry to hear about your loss- any loss is excruciatingly hard, but unbearable after fertility treatment- it's not like we all can try naturally the following month.Welcome too to the best, most supportive thread on FF. I couldn't have survived this journey without the ladies on this particular thread. We are a family here and very supportive and very informative. I was blessed to have a little boy after 8 rounds of IVF, in January 2013 and Peny at Serum gave us our miracle. I wish we'd found her sooner, but we were blessed to have found her. She is totally supportive, totally honest and is always there for you- day and night. Serum also does cutting edge treatment and deals with complex cases of infertility, multiple failures and older women. I sadly qualified for all those cases. Peny also is very honest and will speak her mind. She will tell you not to waste money on certain treatments (how refreshing as many clinics bleed you dry- and we know who those people are don't we ladies!) and her costs are pretty low too. Peny is also amazing at after care once you get your BFP, in fact, she loves keeping in contact after you've had your baby. If you are worried about anything in your pregnancy, she wants to know. I had many a scare in mine (I was expecting triplets but miscarried two) and my friend was over at Serum having treatment and mentioned one of my scares (I think it was when I was hospitalised with stomach pains as it turned out that LO had twisted my bowel!) to Peny and she insisted I contacted her. Where else would you get that keep of care an compassion? I cannot rate Serum enough, even if I hadn't had my miracle, I still wouldn't want to go to any other clinic. Many of my friends who have gone under my recommendation, are now parents. Let me know if you need any information as I have a fact sheet on where to stay, how to get to the clinic, where to eat etc although Agate as ever has an amazingly brilliant thread:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=274114.0

Pani- we are going for DD in September for IVF#12 so it'll be prognyova, clexane, folic 5mg, aspirin, Neupogen, Intralipids, progesterone injections (ouch), prednisolene. I was injecting 6 times a day this month and as I was doing back to back cycles, my stomach and bottom were black and blue. We got another BFN- our third in a row. I'm convinced that my uterus infection that I got ironically from my c section is still there (Peny discovered it after a hysto over there) despite heaps of heavy duty antibiotics. I'm off to my GP this week to see if they'll swab to see if it's still there as it's really weird that I'm now not getting a BFP on DD- I was getting them on my old eggs and OS (albeit miscarrying). I'm also really poorly at the moment with another bout of gastroenteritis. We had to come home early from visiting family upcountry and I think I've picked it up with my immune system being deliberately lowered, as I've been on a very high dose of preds and Neupogen as my WBC was sky high (the dr up in Scotland was really concerned about my health as I had to have my bloods done whilst up there visiting) but I explained that Peny needed them to be high. His first words to me were,'How are you feeling?' to which I replied 'I guess my WBC is sky high- don't worry, I'm taking meds to make them high.' My immunes are totally covered and I've had a hysto so it must be the infection...

Love to all the wonderful wonderful ladies on here. Bracing ourselves in Devon for Bertha to hit us later on today.

B xxx


----------



## pookiepoo

Hi Beth,
I'm sorry you are feeling poorly. Did you retake any of your immune tests recently? I've read in dr beer book that if you above immune issues, it will flare up each time you're exposed to embryo or get pregnant....so thinking that may be why you still haven't got BFP after three attempts? 

X


----------



## Tiffanymi

So nice to hear from some of you again and see some action on this thread again lol it's been quiet!!!!



Poppy please do join. This thread helps as people who have tried a lot of times are here and often sometimes in other threads I feel like I have been through so many more cycles that keep bfn and it makes you feel worse sometimes. The guys here have been through a lot and have good insights. 

You asked for some ideas. I don't have the answer as still after 8 failed I have nothing to show for it. Including donor eggs. 

Some ideas: test Immunes I think you have and thyroid and hysterectopy to see what's going on there they found some things they sorted out for me while doing this, endo scratch although I have never done this, further sperm and eggs chromosome tests, ....I am sure you done most of these. Sorry to hear you are struggling but welcome to the thread

Pani is am waiting for immune doctor to get back to my email, he is overseas and very busy. So I worry about time. It will take time for him to get back, time to test, and lots of months for treatment dependent. Next week is my hysterectopy. I'm a little fluish and ear infection so worried if I can go under anasthetic. Just ear infection left. But I can't do it next month because of work so need to make it happen for Tuesday. This means I have been working hard to catch up as well on work commitments. I feel not doing an IVF cycle is frustrating but because I have done so many back to back it's been a little bit of a relief to feel myself again, have a glass of wine and not be so obsessed. I know this will be a 4 to 5 month break which is hard but physically, financially, and mentally I need it!! It's better you extended your immune tests. Rather get it right, I have learnt that than rush. I too feel what is the next step. The hard thing is I can't see one. I can't remember are you in donor?

Beth, it seems you have had a long hard road. 6 injections a day sounds crazy!!!! I thought my 3 was a lot. I may though be there after these immune tests. What at your plans fm her?

Hope everyone else is doing well. X


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## bethholm

Hi Pani- thanks for your advice. Yes, Peny had that covered as she upped my preds and also put me on Neupogen which deals with aggressive immunes. I'm hoping that it's my uterus infection that's reappeared as this would make sense! I was made redundant, starting next month, simply because we are trying for #2. I was screamed at, told that I was immoral to consider having another child and that I owed the school not to have one when our family plans came to light. My boss said that when they restructured, my job would be the first to be axed- and low and behold, my job was the only one to go. The director of education was even behind it all. I didn't stand a chance. Barristers said I had a 50/50 chance of winning as although I had some logged conversations and recordings, it had all been cleverly been said behind closed doors. In the end, I had to walk away with an enhanced redundancy package and 2 good references. A nightmare really- but the upside is that I get to spend quality time with LO and hopefully a sibling and then in about 18 months, get a job locally in not so a corrupt school! We have lost 9 teachers since September in a primary school and many have been paid off to leave. They were more than happy to have me as Head of School until they knew my plans.My union rep for the region said he so wished we could wipe the floor with them, but we simply did not have enough evidence.


Tiffany- I'm pushing for investigations off my GP to see if I'm all clear from my uterus infection and then cycle from there. As it's DD, it's less stressful.

B xxx


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## pookiepoo

Hi Beth, 
I'm really sorry about the treatment you got from your work. It should be illegal and count as harassment to make someone redundant due to medical treatments, which is what fertility treatment is! 
How would you know you ave uterus infection? Do you have to do a hysto to take biopsy?

Enjoy your time will your little hun!

Hi Tiffany, no we are using own eggs and sperm. We have quite a few good quality blasts in the freezer at the moment, so hoping never have to do full Ivf again..unless a doctor tells us otherwise. I've read in some studies FET yields better results as ovaries & uterus are not upset due to Stimms....so for us going forward will be FET+immune...just don't know how much immune we will need.

AFM, my contract was ended last week, so I'm interviewing again, hoping to start work next week or first week of Sep. That way i can do 1-2 mint work before treatment starts....don't think we will have FET until oct to be honest. 

Hey poppy, how are you getting along?

Pani x


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## Tiffanymi

Beth sorry to hear about the job! Shocking

Pani good luck for finding your work as well

Arm going hysto tomorrow....


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## PoppyB

Hi ladies,

Thanks for such a lovely welcome. What a tough, brave and inspirational bunch you lovely ladies are...some very tough battles fought and yet still fighting. 

Pani -  I'm planning on going to ARGC to look into immunes further too. It sounds promising to have 10 blasts in the freezer and knowing you will hopefully not need to go through the fresh cycle again. Silver lining perhaps?! Just hope they can find the cause behind things and tackle it for those little blasts .

Beth. - your work situation sounds horrendous...I'm so sorry and angry that discrimination like that can happen so freely and in the public sector too....shocking!! Really hoping  if it is the infection causing the problem, it can be sorted  easily. 

Tiffanymi - good luck today for the hysteroscopy ! 

AFM - so yesterday was our official beta OTD although we knew it had failed, I have hcg booster shots in my 2ww so had to have a beta to get a formal result. I had watched the  hpts getting weaker and weaker so knew my body wasn't producing any of its own . So yesterday they called and said it was 'inconclusive' at hcg level of 11 . To me that's just a  negative with some trigger left in my system but they 'have to follow protocol' and recheck tomorrow . Just feels like prolonging the pain unnecessarily! Grr! 

But we're taking a break for a while now, will look into more investigations and opinions but no more treatment for the rest of this year at least. I think we need to learn to  be happy again just the two of us and not think that our future will be any better than it is now.  

Lovely to have some hope and support from you lovely ladies though , thank you xx


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## smallbutmighty

Hello ladies,

Have come to join the club  

Negative result first thing this morning. What was gutting about this round is my period waited until this morning, 16DPO to show itself with a bit of red. That's just not fair! 

Anyway, think we're off to ARGC now, as it seems that's the standard thing to do after a few negatives?! 

Cheers, SBM xx


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## PoppyB

Hi SBM, 

Welcome....I'm a newbie too here...and also with a plan to head to ARGC, or possibly SERUM, i would recommend sending off the questionnaire to SERUM as they're very efficient and email back suggestions  to try without any cost of obligation which I think in this expensive game is amazing ...and really helpful to get a second/third opinion.  So maybe we'll be on the journey there together. Hoping it brings us the luck and longed for baby we so deserve.

Sorry to hear about your BFN, 3 in a row is so hard I know...I hope you and DH are able to  take some time  to heal and build strength up again. 

Hope everyone else is well xx


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## pookiepoo

Hi ladies,

Smallbutmighty, sorry for the BFN. It's really hard. You're right in thinking you need to change clinic. If they haven't succeeded by number three, change. As poppy mentions, Don't right off other good clinics though. I'm with crgh and completely happy with them, despite my miscarriage. One thing to bare in mind going forward is to make sure you get tested for various things that could have caused your BFNs. Pgd/PGS, immune testing, karotyping, aqua scan etc.

Poppy, yes, my blastocysts in the freezer is what keeps us going. I thank Crgh and imsi for that. But I'm still scared as I don't know what caused miscarriage and what will help for it not to happen again. So don't want to do FET until I know we've done what we can to avoid it. 

Wish everyone a lovely day.

Pani x


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## smallbutmighty

Gosh, 

You've both had a pretty rough ride,   here's hoping they sort it out for us all  

I think you're right on getting some tests done. I don't know quite a lot of my genetic history which makes this process feel like Pandora's box, but if we don't know what's going on, we may we wasting our time so I think we'll just have to bite the bullet. 

I'm booked in with ARGC in a month plus an open evening with Create so we'll see what they each have to say. And there's the follow up consultation from this round to come, but given it is NHS It'll take forever.

We'll get there eventually hopefully


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## Tiffanymi

Welcome to all the new guys. It's nice to see new faces....not nice for the bfn though!! 

I have done hysto. Found nothing so now need to wait for cycle to send immune tests. This waiting is a killer.


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## pookiepoo

Hi Tiffany, glad hysto went well.

Where are you doing your immune testing?

x


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## angelica_wales

Hi ladies

Just a quick note to introduce myself. I'm your moderator in the negative cycles & in between treatment thread

I'm in the same boat as you guys as you can see from my signature. I'm due to be starting a new cycle soon with EC booked for Sept 15th

If there's anything I can help you with please shout. I'm still getting to grips with everything but I'll do my best 

Looking forward to getting to know you all more

Angelica xx


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## Tiffanymi

Pani I am in South Africa....far away!!!!

Good luck Angelica and welcome


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## seemedlike4eva

Hello Angelica,
Welcome to your moderating duties! Sorry you're a member of the gang, too. This thread was my 'sanity' for a long time.....when the rest of the world was telling me to give up, there was always support her to give it one more go, and that 'one more go' turned into our daughter. 
Lots of love to everyone xxx


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## Trumpet

Hi All,

Welcome to all the New Ladies although sorry to hear you have had multiple fails.
Sounds like so many of you on this thread have been having a tough time not just regarding the IVF but with work etc.
I would definitely recommend Create Clinic particularly if you have egg reserve issues.  I found them to be fantastic and I responded so much better to the milder IVF approach than when I was on max dose of drugs.
What I would also say is that worryingly a lot of you sound like your general health is suffering and as much as an enforced break can be frustrating it can benefit you hugely in the long term as the chances of getting pregnant if you are not at your optimal health physically and mentally are pretty slim.  After many failures and cancelled cycles it was discovered that I had developed an over active thyroid so I had to stop IVF until I sorted it out.  I was physically and emotionally a wreck at that point and stressed with trying to do all this while having a tough, demanding job.  I had 7 months off from IVF and during this time I went part time (lucky I know that I was able to do that), worked with an excellent nutritionist and mindset coach for 6 months (completely changed my diet which not only fixed my thyroid problem without the need for medication, but improved my overall health including regulating my periods and reducing the alopecia I had been suffering from - they also helped me get emotionally stronger and helped me feel positive again about IVF).  I spent £2000 in 6 months working with these guys but I gained so much so quickly noticing improvements in my health after only 2 weeks and amazing value for money when you consider the cost of an IVF cycle especially as I got pregnant before my 6 months with them was even up.  I also spent time having fun and doing a lot of the things I had not done for a while like sport which I love (I even did a Tough Mudder event with friends) and having fun with my Husband without focusing on babies. We also decided to sell our flat and buy a house during this time. It's no coincidence after 6 failed cycles that I achieved my first ever BFP in my first cycle (7th cycle in total) after making these major life changes. Not only that, all my lining issues that had plagued me since the beginning and had led to 2 cancelled cycles disappeared in this last cycle so much so that I had a completely natural FET with no need for a single drug to prepare my lining.  I am now 9 weeks pregnant and we saw a good strong heartbeat in our early scan.  Early days but feeling really hopeful and I have stuck with the eating principles I learnt from my nutritionist to ensure I stay healthy and strong and free from immune issues (immune cause for my thyroid).
I am all for modern medicine and my Husband is a Doctor himself but sometimes with IVF there is a tendency to throw every drug going at the problem in the hope that it will fix something yet we neglect the basics of good health and wellbeing.  For women without fertility issues, poor health doesn't matter so much but I strongly believe that when you do have problems if your basic health isn't right then your body will just divert all its resources away from your already compromised reproductive system meaning your chances of achieving a healthy pregnancy become even lower.
Sorry for sounding a bit evangelical and what works for one person doesn't always work for another but sometimes stepping back from it all and taking a fresh look at your situation can help guide you to the best path forwards.  I had many low times of feeling like we would never make it but hang in there and make sure you are with a clinic who doesn't keep repeating protocols that don't work.  I haven't had a single cycle at Create that has been identical as they learn from a cycle and tweak the conditions to improve the next.

Good luck to you all!

Trumpet xxx


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## Michimoo

Fantastic news Trumpet. I wish you all the best. xxxxx


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## Louisej29

Trumpet.  Fantastic news.  Congratulations. !!  X


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## Tiffanymi

Congrats trumpet. Great news after such a long hard battle


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## bethholm

Fabulous trumpet- thrilled for you.
B x


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## Jess81

amazing news Trumpet! x


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## rory2011

Trumpet, fab news. We ended up taking 15 months off treatment due to further investigations and just needing a break. I think I really needed that break but didn't know it at that time!

Jess, wow 29 weeks, hope all is going well xx

Hello to everyone else.


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## Lizzie070

Trumpet what a positive and inspiring story. It really gives me hope.

Hope you don't mind my joining as I am about to start a second cycle after getting to et but nothing fertilised :-(. (having been on max gonal f does 450 which resulted in so few eggs (5, but only 3 were ok and 0 fertilised) low amh, 40, endo, ...so many problems) considering which clinic to go and this thread has helped me think about what I end to ask about next time. Definitely less drugs if poss. Thank you


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## pookiepoo

Hi Lizzie,

Welcome. Usually this thread is more busy but seems people are quiet with autumn approaching us.
I'm sorry to hear about your failed cycle. Not thru own experience, but I've heard natural IVF is good for low responders. There are few clinics in London that specialise in natural IVF and of course the mainstream ones carry them out as well occasionally. At my clinic, I've heard women with low AMH also get offered double-freeze pack.... 

Hi everyone else,

update from me is that I had my follow-up with Dr G and I will need a whole lot of immune tx before my FET. That includes Humira and LIT to start with....once we know we can start cycle, I'll probably be on IL, Steroids and Neupogen...this is in addition to progestrone support and clexane.... Yikes....not sure yet when we can start. I was hoping before xmas for FET, but most probably it will be immunes pre-christmas and the actual FET in Jan. God willing.

Hope all are well. Including Trumpet and the little one.

Pani x


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## bethholm

Pani- don't take humira please and don't go via Mr G. Phone me if you want a chat about immunes.xxxx


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## bethholm

Pani- lovely speaking to you.Here's the link-

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=274114.0

B xxx


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## pookiepoo

Thanks Beth. Thanks for caring. X


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## Tiffanymi

Hi pani. I am also doing immune tests now and will after see results. Bethel  should I not take Immunes?

Does anyone know since Immunes lowers the cells attacking foreign objects if this can in fact be a danger to you? Susceptible to disease?


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## bethholm

Tiffany- sometimes you can be more susceptible to infections etc if you're on medication which suppresses immunes eg I had gastroenteritis after my last cycle and it took me ages to shake it which isn't like me, but a few days before, I'd been on a relatively high dosage of preds and also Neupogen and Intralipids. Peny and many other consultants (apart from Mr G and ARGC?) say no to humira as they don't know the long term effects of using it ie if you take it a few times, what the risks are later on in life. That's what she told me when I told her a few years ago that I'd done 2 lots of treatments of humira. She said that she knew 12 other fertility consultants and only 1 - Mr G, was comfortable with prescribing it.

B x


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## pookiepoo

Hi Tiffany,
Where are you having immune testing/treatment?

I would say when in cycle, with or without immune, one should be very careful not to catch anything. I stayed away from big crowds and not kissing/hugging people.

Pani


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## Tiffanymi

Thanks Beth and pani. 

All the best Luisa. Hope it goes well. 

I am in limbo. It feels so empty. 

I am waiting for period to have immune tests done and the. May still need to go in 4 month treatment. 

I had hystoroscopy and that was clear. 

Went to Gynae and she saw endometriosis cyst. It never ends. I don't know if I can do donor eggs with this or if I must operate yet again. She said I can take Visaane tablet instead of operate and may or may not take endo away but you are infertile for 4 months or longer. 

In the meantime I am 2 weeks late for period which has never happened and I worry what's going on with my body. 

Basically I had a blood test to see for cancer on ovaries as I am scared due to amount of fertility drugs I took and also I am very sore for months now in ovaries. She said it appears quite a bit higher than when I did it 2 years ago and it could be the endo. There is a possibility that it could also be the start of cancer and I. 2 months we need to retest but she doubts it. I mean wtf. What else can I possibly go through. 

Now I'm scared. I am so scared this may cause permanent damage to me. I'm also now to scared to go on Immunes as it makes your body more susceptible to cancer I think. And now I am wondering after donor eggs and so many failed if I should enquire about surragacy but I don't think I'm ready. Just feel so sad ;(;(


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## pookiepoo

Oh Tiffany,
I'm really sorry to hear about your worries. 

I have also wondered about surrogacy many times and would go for it it if I get another mc. My DH doesn't want me to go thru another cycle and keeps saying we should consider surrogacy more seriously. 

One thing my mum told me is "don't make yourself too sick to not be able to take care of you child once its born...." 

If you are considering surgery, please go to a good safe pair of hands. Like mr Ertan Saridogan. He is at UCH and I have heard many good things about him. Not personal experience, but just what I have heard.

I hope you find a solution soon and find one way to become a mummy. There are ways, and sometimes not the obvious way is the right way.

Pani x


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## Tiffanymi

Thanks Pani. This journey doesn't seem to get easier does it


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## Love London

Hi ladies
I've not posted here before but I'm in between tx, actually I'm not sure what I'm doing! Do I continue or do I stop.
All of my friends have children or are pregnant. I think I'm jealous, envious and I hate being this way. I'm fed up of the happy family pics on ********. My sister inlaw gave birth 2wks ago ... the pregnancy was an accident. I have sent my congratulations but I don't think I can face her or the baby yet, she looks sooo cute though! My dh went round to their house and had a picture taken of him holding the baby, I felt so sad and he also said he found it difficult. I'm so fed up! 
rant over


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## MariMar

Hello All,

This sounds like a lovely thread with supportive women on it - just what I need! I'm a repeat BFN-er, under 35 but with a pretty abysmal FSH, AFC and AMH for my age (or in general!). Have had an FSH of 7 or 8.something at my best, and in the cycle after my last failed IVF, it bumped up to 13.something! Horrified, really. You're all inspirations to me, as I know some of you have been through a lot (more IVFs, miscarriages, etc.) than I have, and are here to tell the tale, and even have some happy stories as well.

This question is aimed mostly at *Pani*, but sort of at everyone... I was on the max dose of Menopur (450) in my last cycle, only stimming, that amount the whole time. Has anyone ever heard of being on the max dose compromising the quality of the eggs? Mine were all slow-developers, so by ET day, I just had a morula and the equivalent of a day 3 embryo as my best options! Pani, I know you talked about natural IVF being good for poor responders/women with DOR - I imagine I would make less eggs than the cycle I just mentioned (I made 11, 8 fertilised, whereas when I did my first cycle, with downregging and next to no stimms, I made 2!), but is the benefit supposed to be that they're less 'tampered with'

Thanks for any advice, and babydust to all


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## Lucky Brumbar

Hello ladies! 

Beth! Is that a bfp I see in your siggy? ))) that's great hun - and if you doubt your numbers... Look a few pages back and you'll come accross my uber worried posts and my uber low hcg... Sleeping in her cot as I type)) Thank God! 
Sorry about the job though... Shame the lawyers can't find anything to catch them for! I'm not telling my work I'm attempting ivf again.... No way! 
Mari, yes lower doses could help with egg quality )) 

Hi to everyone else! Sorry its just a flying post again 
Lucky B
X


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## angelica_wales

As this thread has become very long, I have created a new home for you all:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=327184.new#new

This thread will still be here for you to read but will be locked to updates

Enjoy your new home


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