# Over Before its Begun



## miche37 (Dec 4, 2007)

Well it looks like thats it for me.  After 5+ years of TTC and 2 years of attending the hospital every month, i was told today that the chances of conceiving with a womb lining like mine (4.2 mm after 5 weeks of hrt) are unlikely.

Never even got as far as 1 IVF cycle, consultant point blank refuses to try viagra, the best he could suggest was an aspirin a day which didnt even increase the lining by a mm in the space of 2 weeks.

Am absolutely heartbroken, was really rude to the nurse who is an absolute sweetheart and downright nasty to dp so now i feel like a horrible bitter and twisted witch.  

How do you come to terms with facing a lifetime without chidren?

Sorry for the me post but finding it hard to cope right now.


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## Miranda7 (Feb 12, 2007)

Miche, why not try going abroad? They have different laws and are more flexible, I found.

For instance, in Istanbul, where i was treated, you can buy Viagra over the counter...

And the consultants at the Jinemed are far more accommodating when it comes to protocols.

Maybe worth a thought?

The HRT - was that oestrogen tablets and patches?

xx


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## CathE (Mar 11, 2005)

Aw Miche big  to you. You've been through a rotten time.
I enquired with a nurse at my clinic about Viagra and she said that some of the ladies get horrible side effects (such as pains in legs) , my point being that there are consultants that do perscribe it (who cares about the side effects if it works eh!)
Also I read an article in a newspaper about a woman who had failed ivf attempts and took it (of her own accord I believe) and conceived twins. Not sure it's wise to do that though.
Wishing you lots of luck.
Cath x


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Miche,

I am an elder member of this thread and so cannot comment on new medicine or attempts at IF tx abroad. All I can say with regard to that is that moving on can be easier if you have faith that the tx you have received has been the best for you. If you believe it could have been better, then you may need to consider whether other options are worth exploring.

Please don't worry about snapping at the nurse! As she is a sweetheart, she will understand that the news you had was devastating and she will not take your comments personally, her experience will have taught her that IF is really hard for her patients who may say things out of pain that are not really directed at her. 

As for being horrid to your DH, that too is entirely natural - you are in pain and so may lash out at those around you. Of course DH is in pain too and so may need your reassurance that you still love him. Doing just that may be part of your way forward as a couple.

I understand what you are saying about feeling like a horrible and twisted person. IF can be so soul destroying that we can feel really bad about ourselves. (I really did not like myself for a long time.) You are neither a witch, nor alone in feeling like this. Maybe a look at Bernie's (myownangel) recent post and all the replies will help you to see that you are not alone and not a bad person? 

Facing a lifetime without children when having a family has been your goal is really hard. I would not pretend otherwise. However, I can say that time can make it easier. Right now you are going through the toughest time and may need a lot of support. Please know that people on this board will be here for you, but also think about whether counselling  (maybe available from your clinic?) may help.

Thinking of you,

LoL

Jq xxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Miche

I don't know if any of the alternatives the ladies have put to you are viable options for you or not re. going abroad etc... I would always urge caution when dealing with prescriptive drugs though, no offence meant ladies... I understand different countries have different laws etc to those here in the UK, what makes me concerned I suppose is those differences in allowing anyone to take something thats only available after consultation with a dr here.

Miche, maybe its time for you to sit back for a little while and take stock of recent events before you plan your next move... am so dreadfully sorry that you are dealing with this, and as jq has already said so beautifully lashing out at those close to you does not make you a horrid person - you have been given such devastating news... I'd say the way you have been is to be expected given your circumstances.

Be extra kind & gentle to yourself hon, you've had such a shock with this news. My heart goes out to you.

Love
Emcee xxx


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Hi Miche

You're not a bitter and twisted witch, you are a person with emotions and those emotions can be hard to contain at times like this and I'm sorry you're feeling so low.

I can only echo the words of some of the others, be easy on yourself and the ladies here will always be around to support.

flipper


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Dear Michelle,
Your feelings are entirely natural - and appropriate. What a huge thing you are grappling with - like all of us here. I can offer no easy answers - it is one of those things that you have to play by ear. Each of us is different - but we do the best we can. Flipper is right - be easy on yourself. You didn't choose this; it's not your fault. But I feel I should mention one thing that you might look into, if you feel it right, and that is Chinese herbal medicine and acupuncture. I know it could be another dead end - but I have heard great things about it improving women's linings and cycles. The thing about herbalism (and where it scores over western medicine) is that it treats the whole person. 
I personally rate homeopathy very highly - all three times I got pregnant I had been on a course of homeopathy. I know I didn't keep them - but there were other factors involved. 
Bernie xxx


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## miche37 (Dec 4, 2007)

Hi Girls

Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who posted.  I'm feeling a bit better about things now and have been weighing up my options.

Wishing you all lots of luck

Mich xx


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## miche37 (Dec 4, 2007)

Hi Girls

Just wanted to give you an update.

I've emailed Dr Tesken at Jinemed for his opinion.  He said that thin womb lining is hardest condition to treat in IVF treatment but he would be willing to do a mock cycle with me and he has already mentioned Viagra and high dose eostrogen patches 

Have said i'm going to have a wee break for a few months as my head is done in with it all but i feel as if i have a glimmer of hope there.

Am also going to look into Chinese Herbal Medicine.  Found a CHM practitioner in Glasgow who has experience in treating infertility and women going for IVF so i'm going to give that a shot.

Maybe i'm being a bit desperate but like jq says i cant move on till i feel i've been given the best treatment and given it my best shot.

Thank you all again for your kind words when i was feeling really low last week.

Mich xx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Just wanted to wish you the very best of luck for the future Mich  

Taking a break for now sounds sensible - it will give you & your DH time to recharge your batteries.

Love
Emcee x


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Mich,

Hope the time out you plan helps you to consider the options and brings some peace. This is such a difficuklt time and you are being so sensible to take a breather!

LoL Jq xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Dear Michelle,
You sound as though you have found a good way forward. I'm glad you are going to look into Chinese herbal medicine - you must let me know if it improves things (although bear in mind you may need to give it a few months). I know this is a letting go board - but part of me thinks there is a time for trying and a time for letting go. At 37 I was still trying - so I totally understand how you feel. Wishing you luck!
Bernie xxx


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