# Feeling down & teary.



## Moon-dust (Sep 3, 2011)

Hello- I decided to join this morning after feeling rather down this week & needed to find others  going through the same stuff as me   .
My DH & i have been TTC for 5 yrs.
2 failed iui attempts
1 M/C (natural)
Unexplained infertility   
I am now on my 2nd attempt at ivf & on the down regs stage. I have been doing the suprecur injections for over 2 weeks now & have been ok until late last week when one of the girls at work announced she was preg again after only giving birth 8 months ago, i feel like i only just coped last time with her walking around rubbing her bump every minute - now my nightmare begins all over again.
My DH just doesnt understand & how can any of my friends- as they have all got many children.
So i just wondered if any of you have found a way of coping with pregnancy at work.


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## pinkcat (Dec 3, 2008)

Welcome to FF, Moon dust ! This is a great website for support, information, laughter and friendship. It helped me a great deal throughout my treatment. Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help.

I'm sorry I don't have any great words of wisdom on how to deal with pregnancy at work, but I do understand how you feel as I felt just the same   I actually left my job when I started treatment as I just couldn't cope, but I know that is not an option for everyone.

Here are some links I think you may find helpful

Fertility Information Guides 
click here

IVF
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=3.0

Unexplained
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=111.0

You may want to start a diary of your fertility journey 
click here

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi". 
click here

The What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) thread will give you some info on how to navigate the site 
click here

If you look on the main forum index you will find location boards. You can find others in your area, and even people going to the same clinic who will provide invaluable advice - some groups even have meet ups.

We have a live chat room where you can meet other members, take part in themed chat events and gain a wealth of information from people who are or have been dealing with infertilty. New member chat is at 8pm on Wednesday, where we can introduce you to other members, show you around the chat room and help with any queries you may have both in the chat room and on the boards. Please take a look at the calendar and of course our Chat Zone: click here

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support and information.

Best of luck!



Pinkcat


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## scattykat (Jul 21, 2011)

Hi Moondust,
I know where you are coming from, and it is really hard! Two of the girls at work ( both a lot younger than me) announced they were pregnant 2 months after their honeymoon, both on first month of trying, and there is me limpling along, two and a half years later, still trying. I have not really got a fab strategy for coping, I am polite, friendly, but avoid talking about their bumps/ babies. They invited me to their baby showers, but naturally I didn't go!
I read someones thoughts on here the other day, they said that some one else's pregnancy doesn't mean that you wont get pregnant. I try to remember that (although it is hard when faced with baby showers!!), and it does help. Hope it helps you. Feel free to message me anytime.
Big  
Kat x


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## Moon-dust (Sep 3, 2011)

Hello Kat- thanks very much for your reply  
I too stay friendly & polite to the said person - but my relationship with them has changed- i have worked with them for 7/8 years & would happily chat away with them for ages but since the pregnancies Ive found myself avoiding them at every opportunity & definitely not having baby talk with them which i feel guilty about. I too have had to decline baby showers, but i also cant help feeling slighty angry at even being invited to go- as they are fully aware of my struggle & upset ( i know my anger is wrong but i cant help it. ) 
Do the girls at your work know about your struggle or have you choosen to keep it secret? 
Thanks again for your reply, hope both are dreams come true soon   .xx


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## Peace50 (Sep 5, 2011)

Hi moon dust,

Wish I knew the answer to this, all my friends and everyone seems to get pregnant and not me. When a friend announces she's pregnant I instantly get jealous and upset, obviously not in front of them and then I hate myself for being this way. My husband doesn't really understand, although he's desperate for children he seems way more laid back then me. I'm the one crying, reading forums, trying every vitamin and diet out there to help. 

I think the only thing you can do is stay strong, positive and hopeful and if all else fails occasionalLy go in the bath, lock the door and have a good cry...it definitely makes me feel better after ones of those painful days. Baby dust to you and hopefully the pain will be all worth it soon


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

Hi Moon-dust,
I know exactly how you feel, there is no easy way to deal with it. Some days you can and others you just have to walk away. One of my worst was a best friend ringing me to say has wife was pregnant with their first due in the September, this was 1 week after my M/C which had a EDD of - yes September    I can grimace (would like to say grin but can't !!) about it now, but when I went to see the baby (which I had to do) it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I made him promise not to tell her about my MC. They now have another one, who is almost 1 & I still haven't seen. Very,very few people know of my situation which can make it hard but I feel that everyone knowing would make it harder for me. Like everything, it is a personal thing.
Take care


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## Playdoh (Aug 26, 2011)

[size=12pt]Hi moon-dust 

I understand completely how you feel and it's awful isn't it  I actually had to leave my job two and a half years ago as I just couldn't cope with a pregnant colleague. I'd been trying for around two years and had not long suffered an early MC when she announced her "accidental" pregnancy and my relationship with her completely changed. It wasn't her fault (obviously), but because she was aware of my fertility struggles it really strained what had previously been a very good working relationship. She went from one extreme to another, either talking nonstop about her pregnancy one day or having hush hush conversations about it with others (so as not to upset the childless barren lady!) the next. It tore me up so much that I started to really resent her and I hated myself for feeling that way.

After I'd left I received the news that an acquaintance who had been ttc for 5 years had fallen pregnant naturally following 3 failed IVF attempts - and whilst I was made up for her to have finally achieved her dream it felt like I'd been punched in the stomach and I had to get off the phone to her as quickly as possible to start uncontrollably sobbing!

Then my brother and his OH also announced that they were pregnant and once again I went through the whole cycle again 

I'm meeting my brother's new baby for the first time this weekend and whilst I'm really excited I'm also really scared that I'll just burst into tears as soon as I see him![size=8pt]


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## Moon-dust (Sep 3, 2011)

Thank you all very much for taking the time to read & reply to my post. Wish you all lots of luck


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## joblore (Jan 27, 2011)

Hello Moon-dust and everyone else on here!

I am a newbie too, having only posted a couple of times before. 

Your thread is EXACTLY what I was looking for this morning (thank you!) - to find someone who REALLY understands and feels the same way as I do. It seems to me that EVERYONE is pregnant, having their second, or third and I am blatantly not. 

We made the decision to tell people (work and friends) what we were going through as I couldn't face avoiding the topic any longer and it was fairly obvious that nothing was happening on our side. Some  people are amazingly thoughtless.... before we told our friends of our issues one of our friends made a big deal (rather loudly and infront of a large group of friends - most with bumps or babies) that I wasn't drinking at a sunday lunch and therefore MUST be pregnant! This was the day that AF paid me a visit and it took everything I had not to burst into tears at the table. 

A week after we were told we had fertility issues my sister in law discovered she was pregnant. They were trying really hard to be compassionate and it emerged that they kept the news from us for weeks which made me feel even worse!  

On Monday we had to abandon our second cycle of IVF due to low response. On Thursday I found out that my best friend is pregnant, by accident, with her third. Yesterday another very good friend who was told she needed IVF called to say she was pregnant and I suddenly felt totally alone with this whole thing. All my friends are super supportive and mostly very kind but they just really dont understand. I find myself being SO jealous and hating myself for it. I am literally the only girl from my close circle of friends without a child and it all the baby talk is a real killer!

Thank you all for making me really understand that I am not alone!

baby dust to all!

xxx


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## HQ1 (Aug 19, 2011)

Hi
I have to say I feel totally the same. Not so much at work but amongst my friends, we are now the only couple in our friendship group without children and most of our friends have two. I just found out at the weekend that another friend is pregnant and I was genuinely delighted for them but in the back of your mind it's always when will it be our turn. 
We went out with our friends at the weekend and normally I would be racing around with the kids and playing but I just couldn't face it and really couldn't face listening to them talking about the children. I think it's fairly obvious that I am desperate for children and I don't want it to effect our friendship but I also feel like I am pulling away from the group because I just can't cope with anymore.
It does get to the point where it really doesn't seem fair. You start to look at people and judge them thinking "they don't deserve to have children, when I do" i know it's an awful thing to see as everyone has the right to have children but it does annoy me when I see "chavs" with a whole brookd of children and I am just desperate to give me love to just one!
Anyway I suppose this is just one of the many things those of us TTC have to cope with. I guess you have to just try and put it out of your mind and then have a little cry at home when no-one is looking!!!


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## littlepigeon67 (Jul 18, 2011)

Hi everybody!

Thought I'd join this thread as I too feel the same!! Coping with this situation has for me, been the worst thing I have ever had to deal with in my life, it saps my energy, steals my enthusiasm, fills me with sadness, makes me angry - which in turn makes me feel guilty, frustrates me, makes me feel like a failure, makes me question my purpose, makes me feel like I am not a good wife to my husband, etc etc etc..I could go on and on and on   but hey, I don't want to bore everyone senseless by continuing! Thankfully I do have good days   and it truly helps to know that I am not alone and finding FF has helped me to feel less isolated.

I guess there is no real answer of how to deal with it other than trying to find our own ways. Keeping yourself busy with things that help you to feel like you are achieving something, get out as much as you can, spend time with the friends that make you feel good and with whom you have fun. Try to have things to look forward to. When you feel upset - let it out, don't keep it in. Communicate well with our partners. The horrible thing is, that life is passing us by whilst we are all feeling sorry for ourselves!!  All the above is easier said than done of course!   especially when half the time we are medicated to the eyeballs with the treatments!  

DH and I are in the throes of our first DEIVF at Barcelona IVF and are due to have ET the beginning of next week. We are quietly excited!!   

Wishing all of you heaps of luck, good vibes and success on this roller coaster journey - Hang on in there girls!!!  

Little pigeon


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## Girasole75 (Feb 15, 2011)

Hello Moon-dust and everybody on this thread,
your subject is exaclty how I have been feeling all day!! AF came today and there another disappointment. I cried most of the day. 
I feel a sense of failure, frustration, disappointment, anger........especially towards my friends and family. I know it sounds horrible but it never stops to amaze me the insensibility of certain people. A friend the other day was telling me about a friend of hers ( who I hardly know) is pregnant with her 4th child after 12 months from her 3rd!!!    last year in my previous work place there were 4 of my colleagues pregnant at the same time!! It was agony ....having to hide envy and jealosy and being polite and show interest. Not many people knew at work and I am glad for that as most of my friends know and this hasn't been very good. The problem is that people don't know how to react so they just avoid the topic completely, which makes me feel like they don't really care, expecially close friends. 
the sad thing is that deep down i know that I can't expect people to understand what I am going through......reading these posts helps because it makes me feel less lonely.

Moon-dust I hpe you feel better too .............and good luck to you all whatever stage of treatment you're at.


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## Ladymissb2003 (Sep 1, 2011)

Hi Moon-dust (and other ladies who replied) 

We chatted on the forum last Weds. I logged on this morning as, having been sooooo positive about my blocked tube situation (which i found out about end of Aug via Lap and dye), I kind of crashed and hit rock bottom this weekend. Am desperately trying to pull myself out of this, but its so hard. 

Having tried for what feels like so long, with 1 m/c and then the humiliation of being managed out of my job 2 months later (they obviously didnt know Id been trying...but 2 weeks off work having miscarried at 10 weeks did not go down well), I feel like I just cant take any more setbacks...and am very aware that the whole IVF journey is potentially full of them. have really reached a new low...and am worried that my DH will just get sick of it all, and of me...

Am going to try to have some counselling to  get some coping strategies - has anyone tried this? I just feel so alone and as if life (and all my friends - who pretty much ALL have kids -and had them very easily) is leaving me behind. I am sad, upset, angry, frustrated, and in a terrible rut which I just cant seem to break out of. This was not helped yesterday by yet another friends 'happy news' - 12 week scan pics on ** -which just tipped me over the edge. Im trying so hard to be happy for people, but have just reached a point where Im fed up with putting a brave face on it, and saying congratulations to others when I would just like a little luck myself! 

Anyway, rant over. I have my consultant appt in 2 weeks. Hopefully we will qualify for IVF on the NHS...otherwise am gonna have to try to pluck a few thousand out of the ether! 

Stay strong everyone. No one knows about the pain of this journey apart from those on it. 

Good luck and love to you all 

xxx


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## joblore (Jan 27, 2011)

Hello lovely ladies!

HQ1 – I totally hear you about the wedge between you and your friends. That is what has been happening to me too. I start to dread social occasions because I can’t face the constant baby talk and parents seem to range between bragging about how wonderful having kids is and whining about how “difficult” parenthood is! And a phrase that regularly escapes my lips is “some people just shouldn’t be allowed to breed!” so I totally understand looking at some people and really feeling the unfairness!  

Littlepigeon – What you have written is EXACTLY how I feel, you have put all my emotions into words which I cant do very well (so thank you!). I feel like I am letting everyone down, but it does help to know that others really ‘get it’ and being on these forums makes a huge difference! Good luck with ET next week, I will have everything crossed for you!   .Would also love to hear how your DE experience in Barcelona is (if you have a moment) as we may have to look at that route ourselves.

Girasole – there is nothing worse that the emotions AF brings when we are TTC and of course it is worsened by all those lovely hormones too! I hope that you are feeling better today. Sending you lots of   

Ladymissb2003 – Hope you are feeling better today too! This journey really is a rollercoaster ride! It is hard to understand why these things happen but they do and we need to work on maintaining a PMA even in the most difficult of times.  Counselling is great, I have had a little help and it made the world of difference. Obviously I have down days, but I bounce back fairly quickly and I am sure that is to do with the coping strategies I have learned. Good luck with the NHS and fingers crossed they can help you and quickly! 

   Hugs and baby dust to everyone!

Jo xxx


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## pinkyshell (Sep 2, 2011)

I know exactly how you feel. We have been TTC for 4 and a half years. I am a nursery nurse which isn't the best occupation when you want a baby. I have been at my present job for just over 2 years. In that time there have been 7 pregnancies among staff and a number of the parents. I have found it very tough. I have been happy for everyone but deep down I have often asked myself "What about me?". It will tough for you but the right time will come for you.


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## CANDyT2 (Sep 14, 2011)

Hi Moon-Dust,
                      Sorry to hear that your feeling so awful. I think that you will have to find coping strategy to deal with seeing other pregnant women as, lets face it, they are everywhere and you will drive yourself nuts if you let it upset you everytime you see a pregnant woman at work or elsewhere. Instead, focus on 
I know it's difficlut, but  it helps and is healthier if you can try and have a life outside of TTC.


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## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Hi Moon-Dust,

I'm so sorry that you are feeling low and just wanted to say I also find it difficult at work having been sat across from my good friend who is pregnant naturally. Obviously whilst being so happy for her, I do find it hard sometimes.  I guess my coping mechanism is that I think it will be my turn soon and it will be extra special because of the journey we are taking to make it happen    I'm a newbie too on the forum (only introduced myself 15 minutes ago!) but already I've taken great comfort in reading posts, some of which are like reading my own story!

We are all on the same emotional rollercoaster, which will hopefully end with a bump (pun intended   ) 

Hope you feel better soon Moon-Dust and good luck to everyone on your journey.

xx


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