# Failed ICSI - am I being selfish?



## helen1602 (Sep 27, 2005)

Hi guys,

I am new to this area of the site, and am sorry to come here and moan, but just feeling so low at moment.  I have just completed 4th cycle of ICSI - bfn.  I have posted a couple of times on negative cycle board but feel bad saying how low I feel when I have a ds from previous cycle, and so many people have nothing.  

I had 3 weeks off work with this cycle, and was more stressed than ever before, really scared.  Don't know if I can do it again, but desperaely want another child.  Love DH and DS so much, but finding it really hard to communicate.  I just feel so low,  I can function when I force my self, but as soon as I stop and let myself think I start to cry.  People keep saying, never mind, you have a child, and you can try again, and I know I should just be greatful, but I have so much grief for this child I have lost.  I don;t know what to do.

Helen


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## emma73 (Mar 30, 2004)

Dear Helen - I'm so so sorry you are feeling so low. I think it can be hard when  you already have a child as you end up feeling guilty for wanting another.  I'm sorry you have had another negative cycle - I cant offer much advice I'm afraid except to say give yourself a break. You may not feel able to have another go at the moment- but you may do in time. Try and have a nice Christmas - and look after yourself. 

Lots of Love Emmax


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## scruffyted (Jul 28, 2005)

Hi Helen

I'm sorry you have had another negative, it's so bl*** hard!  Words are useless at a time like this - sending you a big hug  .

You are not being selfish for wanted another baby - it's what our hearts desire so much.

Love Scruffyted xxxx


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## lea (Sep 12, 2003)

Hi Helen your not being selfish at all.
I have just had my first failed fet    I have a son from my first icsi cycle which I'm very grateful for but it doesn't stop me wanting another.
I have that feeling of wanting another child so badly that I also find it hard to talk to other family members about. I dont know if it is the fact that the 1st attempt worked and I couldn't see fet failing for some reason . (stupid I know)


LEAXX


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## spangle (Oct 30, 2005)

Hi Helen,
What is selfish about wanting another ? Check out my history ! just had another failed go and am gutted ! Life seems so unfair and I can't understand why it is taking so long, it is so expensive and heartbreaking. 
We were talking tonight and then remembered that once you get the baby all the heartache and pain drifts away and it is soo worth it. Keep telling yourself it will happen, that's what I do. I asked my consultant if he did buy one get one frees !
Hope I've helped,
love
Spangle


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## helen1602 (Sep 27, 2005)

Thank you all for your thoughts and advice.

I'm just so confused, I know I just need to give myself time to grieve, but when I get sad I worry about my son seeing me upset, and then I just tie myself in more knots.

Lea - you're not at all stupid - we have to believe each cycle will be successful because otherwise what is the point.  It's devasting to us, but people don't realise what we have gone through.  A work colleague today (who knew I was going for the treatment) asked today how it had gone, and I had to tell her.  She was on the phone, the office was packed, and I had to have one of those weird one sided conversations, and she didn't know when to stop asking. It was so hard not to cry.

I don't know whether I can try again, or if it's the right thing to do.  I guess I need to give myself time to decide, after I have grieved for this baby.

Great idea about the BOGOFs Spangle!

Thanks

Helen


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## Rowingbeau (Nov 1, 2004)

Hi Helen,
It could have been me writing that post.
I have DD from !st iCSI and 2 subsequent failed goes - our '3rd baby' would have been due tomorrow (23rd Nov) cant ever forget it and the previous one(8th Oct, 04).
I think also that they are not miscarriages, we dont get the understanding that we might expect.
I am grieving too and I feel very isolated even though we have initial consultation next week at ARGC I cannot help but let it dominate my daily thoughts. I also cannot imagine having that weight lifted - it is a burden, a dark cloud. Sometimes it is difficult to get on with life and enjoy our wonderful DD because we are stuck at this point of never knowing whether we will have another child.
You are not alone and shoul not feel guilty about having these thoughts - someone once described someone saying to them 'you are so lucky to have one child aren't you' (through IVF) And the person replied ' I don't consider it lucky, but very much UN lucky to have had to go through this dreadful process to fulfill our dreams - YOU (fertile couples)are the LUCKY ones!'
Be positive and remember there is always someone on here to share in your burden,
Jess x


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## helen1602 (Sep 27, 2005)

Hi Rowingbeau,

You are so right.  Fertile people oftern dont realise how lucky they are.

Thinking of you today.  It must be such an emotional day, we never forget them, but other people don't understand.

Take care.

Helen


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