# Contact letter - after 10 years!!!



## superal (May 27, 2005)

Oh My God is all I can say!!

This morning we opened the post to find a letter asking us to consider doing a yearly contact letter for DS paternal grandmother who has suddenly reappeared from abroad, obviously can't post to many details due to confidentially BUT this woman has not had any part in our DS life for the last 13 years, she said goodbye to him when he was a baby of 18 months of age!!

DS has been with us for 10 nearly 11 years and I can't believe what right these people think they have!!!  I am so mad, he doesn't need this right now in his life. 

OK rant over, trying to think positively but we are initially going to say NO but in 3-4 years time DS will be 18 & if SS keep her details on file, when DS is 18 it is up to him if he wants to contact her.  Things are never as black and white as they seem ,like I said early for confidential reasons I can not give to much away but I don't think for one second DS will want to contact her as he knows most of the facts now about his adoption.   (Don't know what we would say when he knows about this person and her part in his adoption   )

I know SS hands are tied and if she has been in contact all they can is they will try.

If it was his BM asking but thats very unlikely as she asked for contact letters to stop then we would consider it but like I say we have our reasons for saying No & I'm sure DS would say the same, the one thing I feel really guilty about is not telling DS at this moment in time, that doesn't mean we won't tell him, just not yet! 

OK feel a bit better, this has been building up inside me since 11am this morning!!!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

oh Andrea,

So sorry you have had such a shock. I am sure you are making the right decision for your son.

Big Hugs PBMx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Andrea i can't believe this, what a shock   to say the least. You have to do what you feel is best for your ds (and it sounds like you are) well done  

pam xx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Oh Andrea 

What a nasty shock for you this morning. Fancy this being sprung on you from nowhere.

Your priority is to protect your son and your family. I personally think you're doing the right thing.

We are all supporting you.

  (( )) ever x


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## sanita (Oct 27, 2005)

Would be nice to think someone from SS would have contacted you to discuss this rather than just send you a letter in the post.   

Your DS is just at that age where these things can be most difficult.  Thinking of you and knowing you will do the best thing for your son, afetr all you know him better than anyone else.

Sanita


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Thankyou for all your replies!

Sanita - you said something that makes perfect sense to you and me but SS to* think * about letting us know rather than a letter , yes it would have been nicer.

We are not going to do a contact letter, there is to much "stuff" behind it all that I can not post about & I think she has a dam cheek to request this after all this time!! 

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

What a shock after all that time...

I am sure you are making the right decision for your son, Superal.  Having got to know you over the past year, I can say that hand on heart!

C xx


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi Superal,
I can't imagine what a shock it must have been for you...but I'm sure (as a mum of 2 weeks... ) that you will know instinctively what is the right way to deal with this for your DS and in any situation like this you would want to wait until the inital shock has subsided for you! After 10 years there isn't a hurray for your DS to be told I would have thought!
Love Viva
XXX


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Hi Andrea

cor what  a shock for you hun - it sure as hell is a long time especially in a childs life.

i also think that SS could have forewarned you!

hope you are feeling a bit calmer now after such a shock 

take care hun
LB
X


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Viva & LB

Yes I have calmed down just a little and I still stand by what myself & DH have decided and that is that we won't be doing a letter for his paternal grandmother..................I just don't know where she thinks she has any rights over this after she said good bye to him when he was a baby of 18 months  

DH is still furious, he's drafted that many letters to SS I'm not sure which one he will send!!  

thank you for everyone's replies and support, it's nice I can come on here and have a moan every now and then!!!

Love
Andrea
xx 

PS: Barbarella - thankyou for your kind words, they meant a lot.


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Andrea, I agree with everyone else.  What a shock for this to come out of the blue and unfortunately so typical of SS sometimes not to think about forewarning you rather than just writing a letter.

You are his Mum and you know what is best for him, especially after all this time and you know you can always come on here to have a moan/rant as we are here to support in good times and bad.

love
Cindy


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