# Information for new surrogate mother



## jabbie1129 (Jul 15, 2013)

Hi 

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to ask this or not but I am looking into being a surrogate mother. I wondered if there were any surrogates that were on here that had been through the process that could tell me their experiences, how it all worked from start to finish and the outcome, do they keep in touch or did they cut all ties etc. I am finding it really hard to get honest accounts of being a surrogate. What was your overall experience and peoples reaction when you told them what you were doing? To me it seems very natural. I have 4 kids of my own and don't want more but as I'm still young and healthy I would love to help someone else achieve their dream but seem to be finding it hard to find out info and find potential parents although I know there are many out there. I don't want to join an agency. Any advice greatly appreciated x


----------



## EJJB (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi Jabbie,
Why not pop over to Surrogacyuk.org to say hello. You can post in surrogates only if you only want surrogates to reply. IP's can't see this section so they will be able to be honest.
Our daughter was born through surrogacy so I think it's a fab thing to do.
Love 
EJJB
x


----------



## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi Jabbie,

We are IPs with COTS. You can post on one of the boards on that site without having to join it and people will always make you feel welcome and answer any questions you might have. 
Good luck, it's a wonderful thing you're thinking of doing.   

Rowanx


----------



## jabbie1129 (Jul 15, 2013)

Thanks so much for the replies. I have applied to surrogacy uk who are sending me an application pack out so I can get a gp report and crb check done so that will take a little time.

I don't mind if IP answer my question too as it would be nice to hear their side of the story too so I would then have an idea of what their worries were etc to help me with reassuring my IP when I find a match. It would be nice to know what an IP expects from a surrogate? Do they just want the child and no contact from the surrogate or would they like to keep in touch etc? Would they like to go to appointments or be at the birth etc? I know it will depend on the IP I match up with but it would be nice to have idea of expectations. 

Good luck on your journeys x


----------



## EJJB (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi Jabbie,
So glad you've hooked up with SUK, I'll look out for you other there. 
At SUK the emphasis is very much on friendship first. Experience has shown the stronger the bond between surrogate and IP's the more likely it is to be a succesful journey for all parties.
SUK insist upon a 3 month getting to know you period before an agreement or any treatment takes place. During this period you could reasonably expect to discuss matters such as contact after the birth attending appointments, scans etc.
In their application forms IP's will give an idea of how much contact they would like, so will surrogates. You need to decide what you feel comfortable with before you choose a couple.
Distance may also be a factor, if they are in Scotland and you are in London you can't reasonably expect them to visit you every weekend.

We are in touch with our surrogate, occasional texts and e-mails, on ******** Christmas and birthdays and very occasional visits. We saw her last summer, but haven't since and she has not suggested we meet up this summer. She always said she didn't want a lot of contact and she is very busy, she has horses so I leave the ball firmly in her court. We would be happy to see more of her, but I don't push it.

What do Ip's expect from a surrogate. Err, I expected her not to smoke, she wasn't a smoker, drink alcohol or ride a horse. I expected her to eat reasonably healthily attend all her midwife appointments and not have sex. She was single at the time and we were doing straight surrogacy. I expected her not to do anything to put the pregnancy in danger and to track her cycle before we got pregnant and take her folic acid.
I expected her to make sure the baby was handed to us in the hospital and to make it clear to hospital staff that this was our baby and we were to care for it.
I expected her to co-operate with the Parental Order process and fill out paperwork when needed.
I expect her now to treat my daughter like a friends daughter and not to do anything to upset or confuse her. My daughter who is six knows she came out of her tummy, not mine and that is all she needs to know at the moment.

We had a great journey with our surrogate and we are very fond of her. We respect her decision not to have lots of contact with our daughter and we know that she knows where we are if she ever needs us. Nothing can repay what she has done for us and we will always remember that.
Hope this helps
Love 
EJJB
x


----------



## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

Hi again Jabbie,

If we do choose to go ahead, I think I would want to be as supportive as possible but leave the amount of contact up to the surrogate, whatever she's happy with will be fine by us. I agree about the not smoking, drinking, etc, as obviously it's what's best for the baby. We would like to go to all appointments, scans, etc and in fact, our surromum has already said that she's happy with that and the baby she'll be growing will be our baby and if we see it on the scans, we'll be starting to realise that this is real. (After ten years struggling and failing to conceive or carry, that is actually very hard to believe right now!)

After the birth, the amount of contact would really be up to her but we would very much like her to continue to be a part of our lives and the child's life even if we can't meet up very often, a sort of auntie figure, if you like. 

Rowanx


----------



## katie34 (May 3, 2010)

Dear all,
We are just starting our surrogacy journey as intended parents and realised that we need to join either cots or surrogacy uk. I just wondered if anyone can share experiences of either as they both seem very good! 
Do you have to use an agency? I assume you do so that you can find a surrogate? 


Although I feel very excited to be finally starting on this hopefully more positive journey it's all very scary and more information to absorb! 


Any ideas or advice gratefully appreciated! 


K xx


----------



## Christinafalc (Aug 3, 2013)

I am also new to surrogacy and am unsure of how to go about finding Intended Parents? COTS are sending me an info pack but other than that im at a bit of a loss. i live in Scotland ( but on the border) and most info iv found relates to other countries


----------

