# I am new.... and worried and lost!



## LongLashes88 (Aug 24, 2009)

Hi all,

I know that you have most probably seen a very similar message from all the new girls... but I am sooo lost!
I have been told that I will not conceive naturally as there is alot of damage to my tubes (totally blocked) and also have cysts on my ovaries (1 Dr told me I have PCOS ... the other didnt mention anything of the sort) 
It just seems that I get shoved from pillar to post and I haven't got any definite answers .. except that I will not conceive naturally and will need IVF. I have previously had a laparoscopy with dye which confirmed tube blockages. 
I have just seen my GP who has referred me to the Infertility clinic at Queen's hospital in Romford, Essex - I am now waiting for the appointment to come through.
I have so many questions my head is buzzing. 
Firstly, I am 21. I have read that most PCT's only fund for women aged between 23 and 39. Secondly, my partner has children from a previous relationship. Do they make allowances and would that factor go against me? 
I have also read on Fertility Friends that IVF does not take place at Queens, but at Barts. Can anybody confirm if this is still the case?
Also, I know I am asking a lot, but what happens first of all.. What can I expect from now on? I have never seen a fertility specialist.. only GP and gynaes. 
All comments welcome.
Love LongLashes88
x x


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## Truffle80 (Nov 17, 2008)

Hello LongLashes,

I'm not going to be much help to you as I was in a bit of a different boat but didn't want to read an run and just to say someone else I am sure will be along to point you in the right direction on here!

Being shoved from pillar to post is so common and frustrating but its great you have a referral for IVF clinic now.  You need to contact your local PCT to find out who they fund for IVF and who they don't and potentially how you apply.  I'm suprised your Dr didn't point you in the right direction but perhaps try online.  I didn't get funding either as at 28 I was too young in my PCT (you have to be over 30)!!!!

Best of luck and hope you find all the info you need.  The girls on here are a fab lot and theres so much support to get you through the hard times.

Txxxxxx


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## LongLashes88 (Aug 24, 2009)

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it. Every little bit of info helps at the moment. 
I will contact the PCT and see what they say. I am considering changing my GP as it seems she doesnt know alot either - always asks me questions when it should all be there on the screen in front of her! ARRRGGGGH it is so frustrating, 
But it did make me smile to see you are expecting not only 1 but 2 babies.... Congratulations. I wish you all a happy and healthy life. At least I know it can happen and I am not just living on false hope. 
x x


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## lilyc (Jul 22, 2009)

hi there
I think the hard bit is that your destiny is in other people's hands...

I'd recommend you contact the PALS team (Patient Advice & Liason Service) at your PCT. As far as i know every PCT has one, I found my PCT website on the net and got their number. They were brilliant - found out the PCTs policy for who could get the funding, number of cycles and where I could go for treatment. It made the wait a little easier as i felt I knew a bit more what my options were.

Its hard if you don't feel you have a good rapport with your GP. I would say though that I work with GPs every day and know that they can't always rely on what they seen on the computer screen, a good doctor takes the history again from scratch as something might have been missed before. Meaning they ask questions you think they should know-so sometimes it can be a sign that they are a good doctor.

Best of luck x


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Hi there

Just read your message and really felt for you think we can all honestly say that we have been there!

First of all fertility is a very specialized subject and even though my GP is very good she openly admits she knows very little as would most drs i believe.  But we had the same worries about our drs until we had been referred and began to learn more.

Each PCT have different rules but "the nice guidelines" (what every they are!!) say that every subfertile and infertile couple should be idealy entitled to 3 ivfs.  But this is only guidelines and really means nothing!! i dont know where you got your fertility testing done?  but we had our testing done at Musgrove in Taunton and was referred to Bristol Southmead for fertility treatment, our case icsi.  At the point where Musgove told us that our best chances were through icsi they discussed the funding, they were pretty sure that we would be funded which we were for 2 cycles and poss 3 by next yr if the first 2 dont work  .  Anyway they write away to "the special funding people" who authorise it, we received a letter back within the week.

When you get refereed for treatment the centre specialize in fertility treatment and should really be on the ball.  I felt left in the dark about things until we went to Southmead and they so far seem brilliant.  Ok this is what happened to us when we were referred:

1) went for a meet and great where they go through all your paperwork ensuring they have everything and that the anesthetist is happy to operate.  We had to wait for two months cos they did not have a lot of our paperwork   + husband needed a few more tests. o they also have to do an internal scan (no big deal)

2) when paperwork back your called for a planning app where you will meet your named nurse, they will draw up a list of all your meds, when you take them etc and will also show you how to inject.  They will order your meds and they will be delivered just before you start your cycle. Our planning app was very very well organised and came away feeling as if we were finally going to start.

Anyway sorry for the bad spelling and for waffling.  Hope you feel a little less lost.  Good luck with everything and feel free to ask me any more questions.  I am totally new to this as well, started my first icsi cycle and have taken my first medication today!!!

Keep smiling and try to take things how they come, there is a lot of waiting, but just try to go with it.Michala x x


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## bunny73 (Jan 29, 2009)

Hi longlashes  

Have just read your post and had to reply as i think we are in the same sort of situation.
DH and I have just found out that we can not conceive naturally as i have a unicorn uterus ( half a uterus with one tube - which is also blocked!!) and DH has low sperm motility! We have also been told that IVF is our only option.
We have been told that we can have IVF on the NHS next year when I am 23 and will be funded for 3 goes. At the moment we are looking in to private treatment too, to just get some idea of information etc.
I would really like to keep in contact with you and follow your journey as it seems we are in a similar place at the moment.
Hope you are ok. Feel free to personal message me if you have any questions or just want a chat.
Bunny xXx


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

LongLashes and welcome to Fertility Friends 

You've had some great advice already from the ladies, so i'll follow that up with some useful links for you.

Please continue to have a look around and post around the boards and make friends. FF is a wonderfully supportive community and you can only get the best out of it if you start posting and joining in so, please do so. Here are some links you might find helpful at the moment&#8230;.

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*FERTILITY INFO GUIDES ~ *CLICK HERE

*Starting out & Diagnosis ~ *CLICK HERE

*Investigations & Immunology ~ *CLICK HERE

*Tubal Factors ~ *CLICK HERE

*PCOS ~ *CLICK HERE

*Questions for your first cycle consultation ~ (use the ones that apply) *CLICK HERE

*A Rough Guide To IVF ~*   CLICK HERE

*IVF General ~ *CLICK HERE

I know there are a lot of links to read here but hopefully you will find them really useful.

Its not all just serious stuff here, you can also have a bit of fun or just gossip while you are on FF too so check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area:
*Girl & Boy talk - Community & Fun Board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie day in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet one of our mods for support, meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.   CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area. It's a small world!

Wishing you lots of luck    and 

Ceri xx


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## LongLashes88 (Aug 24, 2009)

Thank you for all ur messages. 
I feel better now. Last night was horrible. Sounds strange, but I found out that I need IVF in July 2009, but last night, as I got into bed - it really hit me. It had finally sunk in. Cried for ages until I eventually fell to sleep. I know it may sound terrible of me, but I have read alot of stories about couples who needed help with conceiving, and I never imagined it would be me. Sitting there reading the couple's story, feeling very sorry for them, and now I am having to go through the exact same thing. Did anybody else feel like that? Keep saying to yourself ''Why me??''

Coweyes - thank you, that info has helped me alot. (P.S. NICE is National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence. Lol) I had a laparoscopy at Queens hospital in Romford, Essex. They put the dye through and that showed the blockages. The gynae told me that there is a very slim chance of conceiving naturally and IVF would be my best option. He couldnt really go into much more detail, as he said he is only a gynae - I now need a Fertility specialist. 
And if it wasn't for me bumping into my mum's friend then I wouldnt know anything about the free treatment on NHS!! No1 told me. I went to my GP on Monday and asked her. She told me she would find out and come back to me - 40 mins later I had a phone call saying that they have sent a referral over to the Fertility clinic : ) 
It is just waiting for my first appointment that is driving me mental! But I suppose I gotta get used to waiting...

Bunny - I'm not alone!!!   Its good to know that I am not the only young person out there suffering. Obviously its a terrible shame that you are suffering too but I dont feel so lonely anymore. Yes it would be great to stay in touch. 
Do they really make you wait until you're 23?? I only turned 21 last month. I dont understand that - why 23? Did any1 explain that 2 u?
I see you are quite local to me - which hospital are you being treated at? 
Lots of luck, love and happiness to you 
x x x


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## LongLashes88 (Aug 24, 2009)

Thank U Ceri - I will read through them today and have a proper look around the site. 

And I would like to say thanks to everyone that has already replied and given me advice and for making me feel so welcome so soon. 

x x x


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

The waiting is hard but it is also very very usefull.  We were offered icsi about a year ago, it has taken us 8 months to come to a place mentally that we felt that we had excepted that we need ivf and that we were happy again.  Just said yes and bang i have an ectopic pregnancy and a tube removed that reduces our chances even more.  But we already know that our best chances were ivf so kept our minds focased.  Went for our planning app had an internal scan which showed that i had a large cyst, so had to wait another two months before i could have another scan to see if it had gone.  At the time i felt totally irritated with the situation, but we excepted it, we have waited 3 and a half years for the possibility of a baby two more months wont make any difference!! What i am trying to say is that even though the waiting is so hard use it to except your situation and focas on your relationship.  I know you probably want everthing today, i felt the same but i can also honestly say that all the waiting has been excellent for us.  We are no longer existing but we have our old forfilled lifes back and can mentally except what has happened and all the fertility treatment we are going to have.  I am no longer hett up about stressed out about having treatment im actually rather exited.

xxxxxxxxx


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## LongLashes88 (Aug 24, 2009)

Hi Coweyes,

I've never really thought about it that way. With all the waiting, the not-knowing, questions buzzing around my head, I have realised that I haven't really paid my DP any attention for the past couple of days    I can now see why couples break away from each other during this stressful time. But thats the strange thing, during all this is when u need each other more than ever, but it seems u push each other apart as u both deal with it in different ways. 
We are going away for Bank Holiday weekend, so I can make it up to him  . 
At the moment I am stressed out as I dont know what to expect, how long I have to wait, what happens at and after 1st appointment etc etc. Once I've had 1st appt, then I will b able to relax more as I will have had it explained to me. 
But what you have said has stunned me a bit to be honest, as it is so true. I feel bad that I've neglected him. I WILL focus on us, rather than stressing myself wondering and wishing.
thank u
x x x x x x x


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Longlashes
We have all been there, wanting a baby is all consuming and very obsessive lol (im obsessive anyway)  I try hard to remember that without a healthy loving relationship with my dh, i dont want a baby anyway! wanting a baby will not come before my marridge. We dont always see eye to eye about it all and it has been tough on our relationship, but we dont talk about it constantly and we try to stay upbeat.  Dont feel bad about not paying enough attention to your dh, just do sonething about it. and try not to to allow life to be too serious!

Also another thing is, have a look at your life and have a look at your stresses, really think about what you can do to reduce the stresses that you can have control over.  I was a dep manager of a care home and my work life was very stressful, i decided to demote myself and am now a support worker, and i love it, i can now concentrate on ivf.  I also chatted to my boss about what i coulda  do to reduce my hours while on treatment, he agreed that i could earn toil and then take it back in September which is totally great, can also use my holiday.

Have a great yime away x


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## mac1 (Jun 20, 2009)

Hi longlashes
Just thought i should reply as my dp and i were also referred to Queens hospital and it took about 3 - 4 months from our GP referral until our appointment there. The waiting for appointments is very hard but try to fill your time with other stuff - otherwise it is very easy to let fertility treatment take over your life! We have now been referred to Bart's for ivf as they don't do that at Queens.
Good luck!
Mac x


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## LongLashes88 (Aug 24, 2009)

Thank U... U have been a great help & a real eye opener.

As I am new to all of this, it has all been a massive shock 2 the system. But with your advice, I feel a lot stronger. Emotionally and physically.

You are right, it can be obsessive.. it has only been a couple of days since the ball started rolling with me but it is all I've been thinking about.

Thanks again. All the Best to you and yours
XxX


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## LongLashes88 (Aug 24, 2009)

Hi Mac,

Thanks for ur message. It is nice to hear from some who is being treated at the same place as me.
3 - 4 months for the 1st appointment? Thats not too bad... but was hoping for it to be sooner. I just want this 1st appointment done so I know what is gonna happen and where do I go from there.
What happens at the 1st appointment? And what did Queens do for you before sending you to Barts?

x x x


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## mac1 (Jun 20, 2009)

Hi longlashes
At the first appointment we spoke to one of the fertility nurses who took our history etc. 
After that I had to have blood tests done on certain days of my cycle (can't remember which days!) and DP had an SA.
I then had an HSG which showed my right tube was blocked.
We were then put on six months of clomid - which didn't work for us unfortunately. 
In April they referred us to Bart's as i am already 39 - but they may have done further tests if i was a bit younger. I don't think they wanted to waste anymore time!
I think the treatments that are offered are based on each individual case - but all the nurses and staff at the fertility unit in Queens are absolutely fantastic and will put you totally at ease and answer all your questions. The consultant we saw was a bit abrupt - and ALWAYS running late - but we only saw him twice anyway!
Good luck in your journey and hope all goes well for you.
Love Mac x


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## cookies81 (Aug 24, 2009)

just wanted to offer u my support and good wishes Im not from the uk so I dont know ur procedures Just wishing u the best and to tell u that being this young is a good advantage for you!!! and will give u a higher precentage for success!!


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## LongLashes88 (Aug 24, 2009)

Just wanted to let those who replied know that I've got a date for my 1st appointment ...... 23rd September  

3 weeks to go......

x x


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

LongLashes88 said:


> Just wanted to let those who replied know that I've got a date for my 1st appointment ...... 23rd September
> 
> 3 weeks to go......
> 
> x x


Well done you must be pleased. Dont expect tooo much from your first app as its really to check they have everything that they need, i also had an internal scan. But not sure if this happens to everyone. Good luck x x x


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## bunny73 (Jan 29, 2009)

hey longlashes.

I didnt know how to get in touch with you, iv tried personal messaging you, but ur inbox is full, so my message wouldnt send!! let me know when uv sorted it and il message you!!  

Bunny xXx


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## CathP (Oct 11, 2009)

Hi Longlashes,
Just wanted to let you know i had my first fertility appointments at queens and they were great. Ann especially you can ask her anything just ring here up or go see her she makes time for everyone. have you seen Satha yet? Which bourogh do you live in? Havering will fund 3 cycles but not sure of the starting ages as i'm a bit older than you i didn't really ask. The IVF referral process is not to bad there i found it very quick, bit to quick actually its hard to get you head arround whats happening. Queens works with Barts and the Homerton. I was referred to the homerton in April and was seen in June and due to start ICSI in a few weeks and don't know if i'm comming or going at the minute. If you have any questions just ask.
Hope all works out well for you   
Cath


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## LongLashes88 (Aug 24, 2009)

Hi CathP,

I haven't been on here for a little while. But just updated my details and u'll see what happened at Queens. At first I was obviously really upset. But I am so excited now : )
We are off to Jamaica in a few weeks.. come back, get Xmas out the way and then get our butts 2 ARGC.

I live in Barking & Dagenham (not the nicest place). We are moving after Xmas too. So its all very busy and buzzy at the moment. Which is good.

Ann was lovely. She looked almost as disappointed and upset as we were!! I hope ur treatment goes really well.

x x


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