# Looking To Start or Going Through Adoption : Pt 5



## Dee

A new home girls

I have a feeling that this is going to be a good thread!  

Good luck to you all

Love
Dee
xxx


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## Dee

List courtesy of Karen 

Karen: Panel 22nd April (approved). Now awaiting a suitable match. Waiting to be told for definite that we can be Mummy and Daddy to two little girls.

Cindy: Currently doing home assessment. Awaiting a panel date.

Carol: Currently doing home assessment (not sure if Carol is still posting? )

Ann: Currently doing home assessment. Awaiting a panel date.

Ruth: Currently doing home assessment

Ang: Course completed awaiting allocation of SW

Everhopeful: Currently doing home assessment

Jo: Course completed, awaiting allocation of SW (not sure if Jolene is still posting? )

Mandy (MSW): Currently doing home assessment

Nat: Awaiting allocation of SW

Kylie: Awaiting allocation of SW, prep course November?

Angel: Open evening July

Homer & Marge: Prep course September.

Nicky: Induction evening September


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## morgana

Can I join your thread? DH and I have our first open evening in 2 weeks.


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Morgana,
              Welcome. I have only found the BB a few weeks ago but it is great  always someone around.

I look forward to sharing you adoption journey with you.

Mandyxx


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## cindyp

Hi Morgana, welcome to the thread, I've posted to you on the thread you started but we generally post here.  There's quite a few of us now which is great.  

Karen, great to hear your news, let's hope they get you to the matching panel this month.  It sounds like the SW's are keen to get you and the girls together for Xmas.  You'll be able to start a whole new thread Adoptive Mummies!!!

Glad to hear everybody else is well, we've just come back from a few days at the seaside.  It was quite nice, playing tennis, going out for meals but we'll both be happy to swap it for building sandcastles on the beach with our new kiddies.  We should be having our last home assessment on Monday before our SW starts writing up our report.  We're going to spend the weekend re-arranging our bedroom furniture to make more space for our prospective family.  We're also going to do our photo book. 

Will check in next week to see how everyone is doing.

Take care
love
Cindy


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## Nicky

Hi ladies – I hope you are well?  I wondered whether you could help with this please?

After our initial assessment, home visits, police/medical checks we are now being told that Social Services will only proceed with our application if we agree to take a 4 plus year old and an older sibling?  Are any of you facing a similar dilemma?  (I am 33 and my DH is 41)

I look forward to hearing from you,
Love Nicky xxxxxxxx


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## shannis

Hi Girls

Can I join you all?

My hubby and I start our prep classes this evening so feeling excited and scared.

Is anyone else with Bristol SS?  

I wish us all every success with the journey to our littles.

love

Shannis x


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## Mummytoone

Welcome Shannis, 
loads of luck with the classes tonight  

xxxxxxxxxxx


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## KarenM

Dee - thanks for getting us started. Here's an updated list with a few changes and new additions.

Karen: Panel 22nd April (approved). Now awaiting a suitable match. Waiting to be told for definite that we can be Mummy and Daddy to two little girls .

Cindy: Currently doing home assessment. Awaiting a panel date.

Carol: Currently doing home assessment (not sure if Carol is still posting?  )

Ann: Currently doing home assessment. Panel 4th November 2004.

Ruth: Currently doing home assessment

Ang: Course completed awaiting allocation of SW

Everhopeful: Currently doing home assessment

Jo: Course completed, awaiting allocation of SW (not sure if Jolene is still posting?  )

Mandy (MSW): Currently doing home assessment

Nat: Awaiting allocation of SW

Kylie: Awaiting allocation of SW, prep course November?

Angel: Open evening July

Homer & Marge: Prep course September.

Nicola: Induction evening September

Nicky: Currently doing assessment

Shannis: Prep course starts 2/9/04 


Welcome Shannis - you will find the prep course really helpful. there are lots of thought provoking issues that you discuss and it does highlight to you what worse case scenario could be.

Nicky - I have heard of this happening to others before but I have not experienced this. What I will say to you is that in looking at Be My Parent (BMP) that alot of children featured in there were just slightly out of the age bracket that me and my dh are approved for (2 under 4's). Every time I looked at BMP I would think what if we had gone for children just that little bit older there would be so many who would match our criteria.

Don't feel forced to continue if that is not what you want you and your dh have to decide what age children would fit in your family and the environment that they would be brought up in. Have you tried contacting another local area to see if they would allow you to go for younger children? Good luck

Cindy - glad you are enjoying your last months of freedom  Have you been given a date for panel yet? Seen anymore in BMP? have fun re=organising the rooms. I have already got my list planned of what I need to buy and where from!!

MSW & Everhopeful - hope your home visits are going well.

Anne - bet you can't wait for November - it will be here before you know it.

Morgana and Nicola - welcome to the crew. As you can see from the list there are so many of us at different stages. Please keep us up to date with how things are progressing for you.

To anyone else I've not personally mentioned. I hope everything is ok with you and hope that things are moving along micely in your quest to be forever mummies.

Love
Karen x


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## Nicky

Thanks for your reply Karen - it sort of feels like we are closing the door on ever having a family if we don't proceed (and from the childs point of view too), but our plan was obviously a baby.  

Another thing that disturbed us was being told that most children are taken into care and not volunteered for adoption/fostering now.  Of course a lot of these children have suffered an abuse of some sort and to be honest, I think you are special people to take on these cases, in this age group.

I remember my niece at 4 - she knew a lot more than we gave her credit for and she has a good life.

Thanks again - we won't be able to approach another area/authority as we proceeded with Worcs CC.

Good luck to all you couples proceeding currently and I hope your dreams will soon come true!

Love Nicky xxxxx


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## everhopeful

Nicky

Sorry to hear things aren't going as planned. Please do not give up hope. There must be a way around it. They can't force you to take a certain age group or nothing. It's ridiculous - I thought they were crying out for parents for all age ranges. Why they are pushing this route with you, I don't understand but I'd definately push for more answers. Don't let this defeat you. 

We are not "special" people - we are just "normal" people who, like yourselves, long to have a family. Please do not think of yourself as less special or less able to adopt than anyone else because you're not sure about certain cases or ages etc. Its completely your decision of what you are comfortable with. I wouldn't be confident in accepting a child of more than 4 years - but that it my personal choice. I wouldn't be bullied into thinking you have to accept what you're not comfortable with. Fight your corner and make your dream come true.

Thinking of you, and please keep in touch. 

e x


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hello gang 

2nd home visit today on my own this time. SW arrived a 9.30am and did not leave till 12.05  

By the time she had gone i felt a bit. 

Had to go through whole childhood and family tree etc, which is a bit complex as parents divorced and both re married  

Anyway we got their in the end. Was a bit concerned at first as she was saying are we sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so soon after the IVF. I told her that making us wait any longer would be a lot more stressful than going through the home assesment.

I think she was happy with my answer.She than went onto say we are still on track to be aproved by December and could be placed with children very quickley and were we ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!the answer to that was a BIG FAT YES 

It's poor Dh's turn for an ear bashing next week but chin up because it will all be worth it when we are a , family yipeeeeeeeeeeee. 

Mandyx


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## Nicky Duncan-Finn

Hi Mandy

I'm glad to hear that your home assessments are progressing and that your social worker has a positive attitude to your previous infertility experiences.  How long ago did you cease IVF?  

We had a failed icsi in April and subsequently decided after much though, and after requesing adoption info from our LA, that we would not continual with future full treatments.  We did, however, at that time have three embies in the freezer from our ICSI cycle and so felt committed to giving them a chance.  

Its a rather odd thing to say, but we knew even before embarking upon our last FET that adoption would be the long term route for us.  Some things in life just don't seem to be compatible with our whole beings, IVF being one such thing for me and my hubby.  

Making a decision about adoption has finally released us from the pain, stress and uncertainty of a rolercoaster in which we had little or no faith.  The more I read and learn about adoption the more positive and hopeful I become. The emotion of feeling truely hopeful once more was a strange one to face after so many years of having to live with the knowledge that our dream of parenthood would not be fulfiled. 

Don't get me wrong, I know the adoption path will be a long one, but pray that it will be one that helps both myself and my husband find ourselves again after so many years of unknowns and will also enable us to bestow upon some children all of the care, commitment and love that we have always drempt of offering.  No longer will we be tied to genetic preoccupation and we can finally concentrate upon the dreams of what parenthood would hold for both us and our future children.  We have not yet made any final decisions regarding ages and child numbers yet and will refrain from doing so until we complete our introduction seminar on the 27th. 

I will keep my fingers crossed for your husband's individual meeting next week.  Take Care and feel proud of yourselves, December really isn't that long away !!! HORAHH FOR YOU BOTH THAT EVERY DAY, YOU ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO ACHIEVING YOUR DREAMS.


Hello Also to all of the other ladies posting on this forum, I hope that this greeting finds you all well and that you are enjoying the beautiful weekend that we have all been blessed with.  Take Care XXXX N


I look forward to getting to know you all more in the future

Love Nicola X


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Nicky 

Thanks so much for your message. I have PM'd you re ending IVF.

Your feelings are so true, and just how we feel  we now feel sooooooooo +ive about our adoption journey and the real hope of becoming a family  

As you say, there will be some stressful moments but nothing compared with the agony of IF. We went through 6 ICsi's with one MC, and our life was a living hell during that time. Since jumping off the IF rollercoster i feel like a huge weight has been lifted 

I look forward to sharing your journey with you, good luck with your info evening.

Chat soon Mandyxxx


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## shannis

Hi Girls 

I just wanted to thank everyone for the warm welcome  

It is so encouraging to know that we can share this adoption journey together.

We had our 2nd prep course on Sat - we are finding them really enjoyable and its lovely to meet other people who are going through the same.  Although, we have been feeling really tired - it really takes it out of you.  Next course on Thursday.  No role plays yet although there are case studies and lots of group activities. Apparently, after the prep classes, we then have the home visits and then go back for one day of training? Do other Ss do this too?  This will take approx 6 months.....

take care

love

shannis x


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## shannis

only meeeeee..

MSW, hello wow that is great news that the SW told you that you will hopefully me approved by Dec and matched quickly. 

Nicola, your post touched us all x x x x

love

Shannis

ps, yes I am a huge Dennis'Sharon fan and a member of NHO


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## Nats

OK, got a call the end of last week that we are now able to our home study.........it sounds terrible but we had our minds set on the fact nothing would happen before Xmas and now this!!....it suddenly feels all rushed but of course we are glad to be starting. Our first home visit is Thursday, so now I can join in and not feel so out of the loop!.

Looking forward to getting to know everyone a bit better!

Love natsxx


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## morgana

Just got conformation that we are definitely on for next Tuesday's introduction meeting and then we can organise for a chat with the SW. Well they say the longest journey has to start with a single step...here we go


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## shannis

hey

Morgana, I just read that you are adopted yourself and have a wonderful relationship with your birth parents and adoped parents thats great   The visits will be fine for you as you will know how it feels to be adopted.

Crazy, good news about the homestudy   you are on your way......

love  

shannis x


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## cindyp

Hiya Ladies, welcome to the group.  This list is just getting longer and longer!!!!

Nicky, I know exactly what you mean about getting of the tx rollercoaster.  At least with an adoption things tend to be a bit more definite none of this maybe it will work next time.  I can't believe that Worcester are trying to bully you into taking older children.   Although I'm aware that a lot of Social Services have this tendency not to want more than 40 years between the ages of the child and the prospective parent only you can know what age children you want.  Obviously it is harder getting younger children as more often than not we all want them but it doesn't mean you should be told that you can't apply.  Are you sure that was what they were saying or were there just trying to point out that there are a lot of prospective adopters for younger children and not many children of that age to go round?

Mandy, all I can say is Wow! your SW sounds really positive.   It sounds really promising and, though it's not the easiest thing to have to do, I'm sure you and DH will fly through the home assessment.

Shannis, Morgana and Nat, good to hear that you're starting on the road.  Best of luck with the rest of the process, will keep checking to see how it's going.

Shannis, I'm going to admit complete ignorance

Dennis'Sharon?   NHO?   What's that about then?

Ann, hope you're not finding it too traumatic counting down to the 4th, won't be long.

Well we had our last home assessment today, our SW has gone away to write up our report.  Because of school holidays she's looking to get us to panel at the end of October.  Karen in answer to your question about BMP it just happens that we have enquired today about siblings.  We only had a quick look at our local area in the August issue because it arrived just as we were going on holiday.  We got it out during the meeting this morning because we were discussing diversity with the SW and I spotted two siblings.  We've read their details and they're just what we're looking for (apart from the fact that they live in London!!).  We had a word with our SW and she's fine with us enquiring, so we left a message on their SW's voicemail today.  Not holding out any hopes because we live miles away and they sound so good I'm sure there will be loads of couples after them but it doesn't hurt to ask.  Will keep you posted.

How are you passing the time until panel?  Bitten all your fingernails off yet?  Been working your way through the Mothercare/IKEA/Argos catalogues?   

Hope everyone else is well, everybody's been a bit quiet recently so I assume they are all busy doing their prep courses/assessment.

Take care everyone.
love
Cindy


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## KarenM

I can't believe the furtive activity on this thread now it is really getting exciting 

Nicola - you post is very touching.  I didn't get to experience the rollercoaster of tx as we got the truth about our diagnosis before we started any tx.  I still had the am/I aren't I every month though.  I eventually found my self again and my friends all commented on how wonderful it was to have the real me back  

Mandy - good luck to dh for his appointment this week.  I am sure he will be fine, but i tell you i was bruning with curiosity as to what Rich was saying when he had his .

Shannis - glad you are enjoying your prep course.  We did our course over a four week period, 1 day per week.  I think it works differently in all areas.  Just as long as all the boxes are ticked at the end of it, i dont think it matters   I have to go along with Cindy on the Dennis Sharon and NHO thing 

Nat - good news that things are moving on for you.  I am sure you will whiz through the home assessment and be facing panel before too long.

Morgana - good luck for your open evening.

Cindy - glad to hear things are progressing well for you.  I think the next BMP is out this week so more little faces to look at.  Hope you hear something in return for your voicemail.  I am still trying to keep my feet on the floor but the closer things get I am starting to panic about whether or not I will know what to do  !!!  I went to Mothercare yesterday and brought microwave sterilisable bottles, teats, plug covers, video lock, cupboard catches, reins, no spill cups, and a book about baby and childcare which is really good.  I will do a bit more once we know panle has said yes.

To everyone else, I hope you are all well and progressing along our merry journey. 

Bye for now
Love
Karen x


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## shannis

hi

Karen and Cindy, NHO stands for Nigel Harman Online which is the real name of Dennis Rickman in Eastenders and I am a big fan.    

Karen, how exciting shopping in MotherCare that must be sooooo much fun.  How old are the little girls you are hoping to adopt?

love

shannis x


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## donnalee

Hi Everyone,
What a lot of activity .May i join you on the long list.
Have been reading the threads for quite a while.
Had info evening begn' of year and application/forms written  and SW visit end of April.But still waiting for them to decide application.Rung many times 
Had ivf tx  last year.
Hope to get to know you ,along the adoption journey.
Love
Donnaleex


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## shannis

Welcome Donna

This is a very active thread isnt it 

Hoping you hear some good news soon

shannis x


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## TraceyH

Hi everyone,

I am new to this thread but have read your messages with interest.

We have been TTC since early 2000 and after 2 attempts with Clomid and 3 IUI attempts we have decided to pursue adoption.  It was like a weight had been lifted off our shoulders when the decision was taken out of our hands and we finally started to relax.

I am adopted and so is my sister (not birth related) and we have had a fantastic upbringing.  I know it was different in the 60's but adoption has been fulfilling to me personally and I hope that I can instill the same confidence in any children that are placed with us.  Our Social Worker is trying to locate my birth file, although I have been very well informed by my parents, so nothing should be too much of a surprise, but I thought it might be of interest to our future children (fingers crossed) when approaching the subject of their backgrounds.

We are in the very early stages and are hoping to be allocated a place on the next Preparation Group in our area in September.  We have also received a letter to say that the Family Placement Officer would like to visit.  I have spoken to a friend of mine who was allocated the same Social Worker and Family Placement Officer last year and she has reassured me that it is all very relaxed and she did not feel intimidated at all.  She has 2 boys adopted seperately but are natural brothers.

Tracey


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## Boomerang girl

hi all,
I had my medical yesterday and am hugely relieved to say it went well. I had to have an early medical because I had suffered some depression related to infertility. My gp said i had no more chance of becomming depressed than the rest of the population, and on the bit about if it would affect my ability to parent he said I would be in his opinion a very good candidate for parenthood because of the huge amount of experience i have with some of the most challenging kids you can find.
I could have hugged him!
the adoption medical officer now has to read and approve this, there is a chance i will need to be seen by a specialist but this seems unlikely.
my sw is back on thursday from her holidays and wants me to call. I hope this means we can do the november prep course otherwise it will be jan/feb- seems too long away!!!
i am feeling very excited now. for the first time it seems like a possibility we might end up as parents.  gosh i amso relieved. i wish i could have rung the sw today!!!!!!
it does seem to move quite slowly in kent- it has been 5 months since initial enquiry already.
still, after all the ttc, investigation and treatment it has already been 6 years. what's another 12 months?
glad to see things seem to be moving on for everyone,
kylie


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## KarenM

Hi everyone

Firstly welcome Tracey and Donna to our happy thread .  I wish you well on the journey ahead and will add you to our list.

Shannis   - now I get it!!!  Eastenders was banned when I moved in with dh 7 years ago but the daft thing is I watch it from time to time and still understand what is happening  .  The girls we are adopting will be 2 & 1 both in November  .

Kylie - good news on the medical front - I hope the SS medical advisor looks on it in the same light as your GP and I hope it means you can do the November course.

Not much else to report here.  Have tried to contact the Sw today but hse is out until Friday.  I am trying to find out if we have made the hearings list for the panel on 23rd

Bye for now

Love
Karen x


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## KarenM

Updated list with all our newbies - Welcome Girls

Karen: Panel 22nd April (approved). Now awaiting a suitable match. Waiting to be told for definite that we can be Mummy and Daddy to two little girls .

Cindy: Currently doing home assessment. Awaiting a panel date.

Carol: Currently doing home assessment (not sure if Carol is still posting?  )

Ann: Currently doing home assessment. Panel 4th November 2004.

Ruth: Currently doing home assessment

Ang: Course completed awaiting allocation of SW

Everhopeful: Currently doing home assessment

Jo: Course completed, awaiting allocation of SW (not sure if Jolene is still posting?  )

Mandy (MSW): Currently doing home assessment

Nat: Awaiting allocation of SW

Kylie: Awaiting allocation of SW, prep course November?

Angel: Open evening July

Homer & Marge: Prep course September.

Nicola: Induction evening September

Nicky: Currently doing assessment

Shannis: Prep course starts 2/9/04

Donna: Awaiting approval of application

Tracey H: Awaiting course date and visit from Family Placement Officer



Good luck 

Karen x


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## keemjay

Hi there

I hope you dont mind me butting in, but I read this thread a lot and just lately its making me all tearful, happy tearful that is, because you all sound sooooo positive and full of hope, which is the opposite to how I feel about the txt road on which we are currently travelling.....Karen i just know i will run out of hankies when you finally post about your 2 little girls. I bet you are just tickled to be buying things in Mothercare 

i just wanted to ask a question - those people who have turned down the adoption road after failed txt, how stressful is the process  compared to having the IF txt? i know it would be a different type of stress, but would you say it was easier to deal with than you thought? Has the process caused arguments or upsets, did it bring up things you wished it hadnt? I ask because for a long time dh and I have brushed aside the idea of adoption because we said it would be as long and stressful as the txt path, (even tho there was more guarantees of something at the end of it), and if we gave up the txt to get our lives back then we didnt want to turn to something that would add more stress to it again. Hope that makes sense  

would really appreciate your thoughts
thanks 

kimj x


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## shannis

hi yaaaaaaa

Kylie, congratulations on passing the medical your Gp sounds like a wonderful man.  

Karen, how lovely two little girls aged 1 and 2 - gorgeous.  We are hoping to adopt 2 siblings and hope we are as lucky as you are.  Did you explain to your SW you wanted to adopt 2 siblings under 5?  Are you told alot about their background?  

I am a true shannis fan and excited because Shannis (sharon and Dennis) are getting together again soon 

love

shannis


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## Wizz

Hi girls 
just wanted to say hi and wow!
adoption is never far from our minds. 
my sister and partner are exploring it at the mo - & we've spent many nights  discussing it - its so exciting watching them and you progress on your journey.
this is my favourite thread even thou i'm not part of it!
take care and good luck 
wizz


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## KarenM

Kim

I didn't have any tx as we found out the truth about our diagnosis prior to starting our first ICSI.  I won't lie to you and say adoption is all a bed of roses and the answer to everything because it is not.  It is stressful as you are having to form views and uncover things that you would just act on if you had children of your own.

It has caused arguments (and I mean major humdingers) in our house to the point where we have questioned if it is right for us and the impact on our relationship and I am pleased to say we both agreed that without children something would be missing and we've aired alot of things and cried alot of tears and we have a battle plan for the future!!.  There are also the issues about determining what "type" of children (ages and background) that you would be prepared to parent and it is like playing God.  If you were dealt these things as a parent you would deal with them but with adoption you make those decisions first.  When I look back now I know this is for the benefit of the children but it wasn't easy at the time as there were things I felt I could cope with but Rich couldn't and vice versa.

I suppose for me because I knew that it would never happen for us I didn't have that hope left that it would one day happen, and that made the transition for me easier.  We always said that we would only ever have 3 goes at tx so we always said if it hadn't worked we would go down this route so being here has just been that step we'd always planned to take.

I am sure some of the girls who have had tx and made the move will talk to you about their own experiences. Most of all you need to be sure that you are ready to step off the tx rollercoaster and onto the adoption one.  Both are rocky rides and neither hold guarantees at the end of it, but there is still hope.

Good luck 

Karen x


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## KarenM

Shannis

The amount of information you get about their background is amazing.  We know things that I didn't expect we would know.  SS are very trusting as we even have the parents current address and the foster carers addresses.

We told SS that we initally wanted a sibling group of 2 under 3's but changed that before panel to 2 under 4's as we though this would widen our chances.  We had initally thought about having 1 now and then one later, but decided on the sibling group so that there was at least a bond between them and had we have been lucky enough to have our own, we would be on #2 by now!

We didn't make up our minds until right at the end so you don't need to make any quick decisions, just decide with all the info what is right for you.

Karen x


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## shannis

Hi Girls

Hope you are all ok today.

Karen, thank you for your reply.  You explain adoption so well and all the high/lows we go through and the difficult decisions we need to make.  I can tell by your emails that you are a wonderful caring person will  make a lovely mummy. please keep in touch.

Our 3rd adoption course is tomorrow so getting ready for this now not sure what we are going to talk about this time....



love

shannis


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## Nats

Hi

I cant believe how busy this has become all of a sudden, there are going to be a few of that are gonna be very proud parents in the very near future!  

Karen- I have sort of missed some of your story, when do you find out if you have been matched with the girls, did you make the 23rd panel date?

Shannis- I loved the prep groups we went on, its amazing just how much you can learn on these courses....good luck for that. How many more do you have left?

Kylie- Great news on the medical, there is always something to worry about, but now one less thing for you. I think you DR was great to be so behind you, many just cant be bothered now a days!

Kimj- I have to be honest, it was hard to decide to stop the IVF and move on, but having said that once we decided it was like a huge weight being lifted and we knew then that we had made the right choice. We never know whats going to happen in the future so never say never!. Im not sure if anyone else feels the same but we still question if we will make good parents or not, I guess when you go through such a long process like this its hard not to sit back and ask silly questions!! I do agree with Karen though that you both have to agree on what type of child/children you will accpet and ne honest, afterall you dh/partner is the other half to your relationship. We have always wanted children so we knew that deep down if the IVF failed we would move to adoption. I must admit that I find this a little less stressful, still worrying at times but now half as bad as the IVF road. Hope this helps!

Hi to everyone else, I will get to know who you are very soon!!

Love 
Natxx


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## morgana

Kim,

HI, I developed OHSS on my last treatment cycle last Year and DH and I decided immediately that we would not go back for any more treatment. We had 4 embies from that cycle though and knew that we had to have FET to give them a chance. Sadly 2 did not survive being thawed so we had 2 put back earlier this year and it didn't work. The funny thing was that, having decided during the active ICSI tx that this would be the last time, I felt really relaxed about the whole FET. Our attitude was...what will be will be. When we talk about it now we realise that we had already made the jump from FT to adoption and having the embies put back was kind of our closure time and a time to grieve for what might have been and the biological children we would never have.

The day we got our -ve pg test result was very different from the other times we got results. Instead of crying and feeling very down, DH and I felt very sad but both felt as if an enormous weight had been lifted from our shoulders. It was so obvious to both of us that we had made the right decision. I think that is the key- finding the right time. There is no point going down the adoption route if you still have hopes of having a biological child and have not completely broken from FT, which is why the adoption agencies like you to have had a break from FT before applying. Not so much to show you are committed to adoption but more to allow you to grieve and come to terms with any fertility issues so that you can start fresh on the adoption journey.

From our part we are so excited to be adopting and a very good friend said something that really pulled us up and made as think, she said...... I was so sad for you when all your treatment didn't work but I jumped for joy when you said you were going to adopt because I have always though that for you two, someone up there has a plan because, with your history with adoption, you would just make the best adopted parents.

DH and I have discussed what she said so many times and it's so strange but she's right. Everything that came before now seems like just preparation, something we had to do to allow closure but now it's like we are parents in waiting.... a different kind of pregnancy.....except our pregnancy will be filled with home visits and SW's and meetings and yikes that's one hell of a big baby / babies.

All we have ever wanted was to be a family of more than 2 (DH and me). I work with children every day (some of them very sick or badly hurt) and the joy they bring you, their fighting spirits and endless optimism is very humbling. I often think how on earth can an ordinary person like me be even half of what these kids need but as my adopted mother says, actually all you need is patience, reasoning, time to invest and above all lots of love and hey....she brought me up and I didn't turn out to badly did I guys....guys...guys?(anybody there?)...lol.

So for everyone who is at a crossroads in their lives with one turn  pointing to FT and one to adoption my only advice I  can give you is listen to your hearts and not anyone else, only you will know the right time to stop and only you will know if adoption is the right path to take and yes, it will be a scary path to go down but what road doesn't have a few monsters down it?

And if we can be as good at being parents as my adoptive parents were to me then maybe one day I will have some little person smile up at me and call me mummy....that would be a dream come true.

I will leave you with a line from a poem about adoption that my adopted mum has (will try to get the whole poem and print it here later)

about an adopted child.........

You didn't grow under my heart, you grew into it!


----------



## saphy75

hi,

i hope you ladies don't mind me butting in here, but i am so confused at the mo. we have had 2 failed ivf attempts and all along we have discussed adoption (even if ivf had worked i still wanted to adopt) i really want to look into adoption but the thought of having my life scrutinised terrifes me (i don't know why i've nothing to hide  ) we am planning a fet cycle next year but after that we have decided no more tx, but i don't want to be too hasty giving up on ft then finding that i am not right for adoption. i just think it would be wise for us to have all the info on adoption before we decide if it is the right step for us to take. any advise you lovely ladies can give us will be very much apreciated as i have no idea where to even start finding out what adoption entails.

thanx ladies 

pam xxx


----------



## KarenM

Pam

I can certainly say that throughout my home study I did not feel under scrutiny.  I suppose we are lucky that we get on really well with our SW, I actually felt that it was more like a chat that you would have with a friend about a sensitive or emotive subject.

Before we started making enquiries with Social Services (SS) we read a book, I know Cindy has also read this and found it useful.  Its called the Adoption Experince by Ann Morris (in conjunction with the Telegraph), and it's available from Amazon (there's a link from the site).

You learn alot about adoption on the prep course you go on and they do all the stuff to make sure that you are fully aware of what you are getting in to (sometimes it can be mindblowing bbecause you always tend to look at worse case scenario) and at any stage they will not frown upon you for deciding it is not right.  At the end of the day SS are there to ensure that above all the meet the children's needs and if that means you decide its not right then fine, at leasdt you haven't done that after they have been living with you for a while and a placement breaks down.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Karen x


----------



## saphy75

thanx karen,

i will have a look for a copy of that book, also this is going to sound so stupid and petty, but someone told me they would not let me adopt a small child unless i got rid of my dogs, surely they are mistaken, i love my doggies and they are used to and love children of all ages as we have lots in our family and i feel it would be very irrisponsible for me to throw them aside because something better has come along. 

sorry that sounds really pathetic but i'm not too good at getting my point across 

luv pam xx

P.s. i don't know why i'm worrying about stuff yet, i guess i feel i will never become a mummy


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## saphy75

sorry i just read that post back and it sounds really whiney i'm usually a more positive person just begining to panic that if my tx doesn't work i'll not be allowed to adopt  

luv pam xx


----------



## KarenM

Pam

I have two golden retirevers and they have never caused any problems with our adoption application.  They will ask you what your dog is like with children and what you would do in the worse case scenario of the child/ren not getting along with the dogs or vice versa , if they developed an allergy to them or if they had pets of their own to bring along.

The two girls we've been matched with are used to pets so we are very lucky in that respect.

Good luck
Karen x


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi
I thought I'd better post and let you know we've now decided that we're not going to pursue adoption.
There are quite a few issues and reasons as to why, which I'm not going to go into.
It's been a tough decision to come to but we feel it's best for us all in the long run.
I'm now starting college next week, and am on my road to Uni to become a teacher, and I'm happy with the decision we've reached.
I'm sending you all lots of love and the best of luck for the future.
I'll pop in and see how you are all getting along.
Gayn
XX


----------



## saphy75

thanx karen, 

is it just me or do other people panic over the strangest things  .

one of my dogs gets very excited when people come in to my house but i am thinking of getting some training for me and the dog to try and calm her down, although stramgely enough she never jumps up at any of my friends toddlers, she always waits for them to sit down before she greets them , right i'm going to look for that book you told me about.

thank you so much for your help and good luck

luv pam xx


----------



## everhopeful

Hi everyone! 

Not posted for a while, been away for a few days with dh. Lovely break, very pampered and relaxed!!!

To say we've not had a visit for HS for a couple of weeks, I can't say I've missed it, but it's nice to know we've got our next one later this week. It's been nice to think about ourselves for a while and not filling in forms, reading, straining my brain on nursery ideas etc etc!! Back to the slog!

I want to send a special hello to MSW (Mandy),  who I know is having a rough time at the mo. Thinking of you xx

Angel27  - Best of luck with your future, especially at college (I know I couldnt do it!!). Keep in touch x

Everyone else - glad to see things are moving along nicely.

I'll be back in touch soon
Take care

E x


----------



## KarenM

Angel - good luck with Uni and whatever the reasons for your decision I am sure that you have found the solution that is right for you and your dh.  I wish you all the best too.

Everhopeful - glad you have had a nice break.  we are off for a long weekend in a fortnights time so i can't wait to recharge the batteries.  I know what you mean about having a break from it.  I don't know about you, but we got to the point where we were sick of people when they met us asking how the adoption was going before asking how we were.  In the end we would reply by saying "I'm fine thanks, and the adoption is.....".  Look forward to hearing your next installment.

Pam - I am sure we all have paniced over the slightest things.  My latest being  am I going to know what to do having an instant family  One of my dogs is the same about meeting people, very noisy and excitable, but she is very different when it is children.

Mandy - thinking of you and I hope you get some joy with progressing things.  Do let us know how you get along.  Please don't stew about it over the weekend and don't forget we are here to support you.

Everyone else - thinking of you all and hoping your weekends are not all of a wash out (weather here is awful now).

Bye for now
love
Karen x


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi Ladies and Gents,

haven't posted in a while but haven't had much to say......but I still read on with great interest. I'm so happy that more people have joined the thread.....really makes me feel like I'm not a total weirdo! So, last time I spoke we knew we had to move back to oxford, so had to wait till we moved and settled before we couild start the assessment up again. We've found a lovely house....very family oriented, and its as of yesterday all sale agreed....please all keep you fingers crossed for us for everyone....especially as I'll have to live with in-laws mon-fri till we actually move from oct 1st! Ah no they are lovely, but it's not the same as being in own home with DH. 

I have to suggest another book which I thought was really good which is: "Parenting the child that hurts" there is two version ones for tiddlers and toddles and one for tykes and teens  (by Caroline Archer). Both very good and worth a read. Haven't got DH to read anything yet, but he's waiting for it to feel more real for him before he does....men!!

tata ladies and gents....any gents out there?? if so would love your input and view points.

lots of love and best wishes,
XXRuth.


----------



## Ruthiebabe

p.s. saphy75......we have a cat and our Bath SW said we'd have to have him assessed for child friendlieness....but as he runs from any strangers (especially the shorter child-like variety) I have no ides how they'd assess that! a world to their own that lot!!


----------



## keemjay

hi guys

just wanted to say thanks to those who responded to my query re adoption stress - it was great to read of your experiences and I'm so  inspired by all of you. I dont think we are even close to making a decision one way or another at the mo (dh and I are trying to have a break from talking about all things IF/txt related just now) but I am definitely bothered by giving up all hope of a natural child - there would still be a chance we could conceive without txt (doubtful but you never know) and I would find it near impossible to go back on birth control from a psychological point of view. I know you should be ready to move on and leave all that behind but i dont know if i could give up all  hope - what if theres a plan in the heavens made for us which i just dont know about? I have tons of childcare experience and know we could handle up to 3 kids, if not more, would it matter if we popped one of our own into the equation at some point? is there evidence to show that mixing adopted children with natural children is a bad idea? I'm not really expecting answers to these questions here, I guess i'm really airing them to myself. As I'm writing this down, i'm realising I'm prob not ready to totally embrace adoption yet, i just still have all these doubts festering away,and like some of you say, we will just know when the time is right

morgana - i love the quote from the poem - would love to read the rest of it....

thanks for listening to my ramblings

kimj


----------



## shannis

Hi

We are really enjoying our prep classes, the info is fabulous although we are finding them exhausting too.  We have made lots of new friends and only have 1 class left now.

Hoping after this our SW visits will start and we are able to move forward  - I am also sending a special prayer to Mandy. 

Karen, how are you??

love

shannis xx

ps, apparently Dennis/Sharon get together again soon yipeeeeeeeeee


----------



## everhopeful

Hi girls!!

Sorry to drop a totally non-adoption topic in here, but Ive posted a message onto the "Ask a Nurse" forum called "Could monthly twinges be a problem?" - and I've just added something to it. Ive had no nurses reply as yet, and I just wondered if anyone can read that post for me and tell me what you think... as Im a little worried.

Many thanks,

speak soon

Love E x


----------



## KarenM

Fun Fun Fun!!!  

I have just been ordering more bits on the super highway!!!  Suddenly things are starting to seem a bit !!!  Panel is a week on Thursday and then it is only 4 weeks on Monday until the court finally decide.  I am still in the pinch me and tell me it's real phase.

Kim - glad that you found our insights helpful.  Everyone is different.  I have heard of people having their own following adoption but so early on in a placement would not be a good idea as dependent upon the child's background they may take a long time to settle, but equally thre will be issues for any child having a sibling.  Luckily we don't have to do the birth control thing which is a relief.  Good luck 

Shannis - glad you are enjoying the prep classes.  I'm sure it won't be long before you are on the home study phase.

Ruth - good luck for the house move.  I can empathise about living with the in laws as we did this twice before between each house move.  I had only been with dh for about a year the first time and he went out and got very drunk and was sick in his mothers bathroom. (Pink sick on a fluffy cream carpet - not a good idea and not very helpful when it came to clearing up!!) 

Hi to everyone else.  Hope you are all getting closer to the dream.

Karen x 

PS Mandy thinking of you and dh  

PPS E - off to the other board now


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## Pooh bears mummy

Thanks soooooooooo much to all my special buddies for your kind thoughts and support, it really means so much to me and Dh at this time.

I maybe down but i am certainly not out!!! they picked the wrong girl to mess with this time.

Karen, it brings a smile to my face reading you posts about buying stuff etc.

Ever, thanks for thinking of me and good luck for your next meeting.

Shannis thanks for your prayers.

Love you all.

Mandyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## morgana

Yikes, it's now Tuesday and tonight we will be going to our intro meeting.....wish us luck, will let you know how it went
M x


----------



## Nats

Well we had our first home visit last week and she was only there for an hour, very relaxed and so much easier by the fact that she was one of the SW on the prep groups. Of course we have some homework to do for next time which we have planned every 2 weeks. She thinks that we will only need about 8-10 meetings which I was suprised about.

One thing that did worry me slightly was the fact that they want 4 referees for me and 4 for dh, the problem we have 2 of the couples were actually seperate friends that happened to get married and we are worried that if we put down couples they might find its not enough?......Im sure we are not the only people that have couples as friends?!. We will have to put them down and see what happens. 

Morgana- hope you have a good meeting, we really enjoyed ours and felt that it was a huge benefit,especially when we had a talk from an adoptive parent. I cant believe that it was 13 months ago that we went to ours.!

Shannis- So pleased to hear that you are enjoying the prep groups, we couldnt wuite understand why we had to go to them sat first but once we had been it was so much more undertsandable.....and it makes you think so differently about situations....

Karen- I bet things still seem a bit sureal to you at the moment, time seems to be coming round so quickly now...im sure that you will still be pinching yourself until they are safely with you!!

Hi to everyone else

Love Natsxx


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## shannis

Hi yyaaaaaaaaa

Crazy,  congratulations on your first sw visist.  It must have been nice having the same Sw as you did on your prep classes.  8 - 10 meetings is nice too I guess this will take approx 6 months?  I am sure you wont have any probs finding more refs.  What did you talk about on your visit sw visit?  Are they ok about you proceeding.  Since Mandy's sad news I am really worried that they will all try and stop us proceeding  

Mandy, Go Girl .....

Karen, how exciting for you.......................your dreams are only a footstep away

M, good luck for this evening - it will be fine.

love

Shannis x


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## KarenM

A tiny little setback for us today, but don't panic  it's nothing major.  Given the timescales to get the linking meeting set up and the paperwork to panel in time for it to be regiestered to be heard, we've not made the panel list for next week.  The next date is only 3 days after the court date so we will go to panel then.  It just means that things aren't really that definite until then but to meet the moving in timescales, I am going to have to go out and get some more personal items before it is even partly official.  Whilst I love to shop I feel a bit uneasy  about buying things when it could still go wrong

Morgana - good luck with the meeting tonight, let us know how you get on.

Everhopeful - hope you are feeling better and sorry I couldn't offer any advice on your symptoms.

Mandy - Thinking of you and hope you hear from SS soon.

Crazy - congrats on your first home visit.  We had 9 visits in all 3 separate (2 x me  - 1 was for finalising the papers and 1 X Rich) and 6 together.  We had to provide 3 referees between us but they had to know us both.  One also had to be our chosen guardians should anything happen to us both after the children are placed.  Good luck for the next one.

Bye for now
Karen x


----------



## morgana

Posted on Mandy's thread about my meeting tonight went really well. Just waiting for allocation of SW now


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## everhopeful

Hiya!!  

Just to report I'm feeling alot better, thanks again to everyone who replied. Seen GP today, and he's sending me for an ultra sound scan. just to check things out. I'm sure I'll be fine.

I'm raring to go, for my next  HS visit tomorrow. Seems ages since my last one!! This session will be about my childhood, so lots of reminiscing, and no doubt, lots of laughs!!


Karen - sorry to hear about your minor setback. It'll just mean you'll have a bit more time for shopping and preparing yourself - and squeeze as many late lie-ins in, as you can on a weekend!!  I'm sure it'll work out just right, and you will be Mr & Mrs Parents in no time at all!

Hope everyone else is getting on okay. 

Mandy - how did your meeting go? Hope you are okay.

Chat soon

E x


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## cindyp

Wow, I go away for a week and it all kicks off!!!  There's so much going on here these days it's hard to keep up but I'm definitely going to give it a try.

Ever, glad to hear your GP is looking after you.  Have a good HS.

Gaynor, best of luck at college.  I'm glad you've reached a decision that is right for you and wish you the best of luck for the future.

Morgana, hope your meeting went well last night.

Kim, I know what you mean about not wanting to totally give up on you chances of conceiving.  I actually became pg last year, although I had a m/c there was a part of me that said "if it's happened before it could happen again".  However, having a new baby in the house can be quite stressful and I don't think that I would want to combine that with trying to settle in my new adoptive family.  I think you are right to give yourself some time out and not think about the whole fertility/adoption thing.  Whatever you decide to do, best of luck.

Ruth, good luck with the house move and thanks for the tip about the book, I've not read that one.

Mandy, posted to you on your other thread.  Glad to hear you're feeling brighter.

Crazy, congratulations on starting your HS, must be nice to have already met your SW on the course, gets all those akward introductions out of the way.  Hope it continues to go well.   I was a bit thrown by the referees question, we only had to find 3.

Shannis, glad to hear your prep course went well.  Why are you worried that they will try and stop you proceeding?  

Karen, I bet all this bureacracy drives you mad.  Being so close to the end you just want it to finish and get your girls home.   I know what you mean about being uneasy shopping, I don't think I would feel comfortable until I was told that my new family were coming to stay next week.  

Well we've had a hectic week, some nice, some bad.  Unfortunately a friend of ours (one of our referees), his father died on Sunday.  Although he had cancer he had seemed to be rallying so his death was a bit of a shock.  We were quite friendly with our friend's parents, they'd been to dinner at our house and vice versa many times and this has all been rather depressing.  However it has pointed out to me that you only have one life and you better make the most of it, and for us that is having the family that we want!

On a more cheerful note we had some friends to visit (more referees  ) and their two young children, girl of 2 and a boy of 5.  The little boy is sports mad, so my DH ended up playing a lot of football and cricket.  We had a really nice time taking them out and playing with them and can't wait to be able to do it with our own children.

On the adoption front, we are still wating for a panel date but are spending the time rearranging our bedroom furniture to make space.  We will be having a car boot next week to get rid of a load of surplus stuff.  Finally heard from the London SW re the children we enquired about in BMP (she had been on holiday).  She sounded really nice and the children sound great.  Unfortunately their situation is rather uncertain at the moment as their mother is fighting the interim care order.  They are due to go to court in December to get a permanent care order.   However, she has contacted our SW to obtain a copy of our Form F and to arrange to pass on the children's details.   We've decided that we would like to wait to see what happens with them because they sound so right for us.  My DH made a sarcastic remark yesterday morning "Well now the fertility treatment is over, at least there's no more waiting"  .  However we know, as demonstrated by Karen's situation, that getting approved as adoptive parents is only half the battle and things don't always happen straight away.

Hope everyone has a good weekend, I'm off to fight the battle of the flab (been doing too much comfort eating recently).

love
Cindy


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## KarenM

After our little setback earlier this week, some good news today.  It appears that the parents are no longer contesting the adoption and so things should be much more stright forward.

Our SW is going to send pictures of the girls after they have had the linking meeting (which is either 27/9 or 6/10) and then court is 18th Oct followed by panel on 21st and we should meet them that day or the next.

Mandy - glad that the PM helped you.  I am sure that there will be plenty of things that you can do in preparation over the next couple of months.  At least if they pursue referees and do medical checks etc it will make the HS go alot quicker in the new year.

Cindy - sorry to hear about your friends dad.  I read in the paper last night that my old Deputy Head (who is also my friends father) died last week.  I couldn't believe it.  If you don't mind me asking  what is the reference number for the children you are looking at in BMP?  Have you seen any in this months edition?  I can emptahtise with the health kick.  I have gained 9lb over the summer after all my hardwork last year.  I go back to yoga on Monday though so should be a help getting some exercise.

Ann - thought of you when I looked at BMP yesterday as there appear to be lots large sibling groups of young children in this month's edition.  Not long now until panel.

Ever - glad you are feeling better and I hope that you get some answers as to what is causing the pain soon.  Good luck for the HS day today.

To everyone else - thinking of you all.

Bye for now
Love
Karen x


----------



## Boomerang girl

hiya all,
wow Karen, I am really hanging on your posts- I know it will happen, its like you are so close now every hitch must be a big stress.

about the dog problem- I read in BMP that you have to hve a special dog assessment but when the sw came around for the initial visit (I have a hyper, but very happy and child friendly springer spaniel) she said- well, its not a problem, you can tell he has a good temperament, we worry more if they are an aggressive breed and you have more than one because then they can start to form a pack mentality- and then she went on to tell us that he looked really happy and healthy and was (fairly) obedient which actually looks good for us, because it shows we take good care of him and love him. My goodness- I never thought Harry the hound would actually HELP our case!! After attempting to lick her legs for about five minutes and sit on her feet, he did not get any attention and promptly went to his basket and started snoring really loudly after a bit.well, she was there for over three hours.....

anyway, SW rang on monday. the medical officer says that I have had reactive depression and the stress of adoption could always trigger it again, but according to sw although we will need to do lots of talking about coping strategies, support networks, etc, it is just something we all need to be aware of and prepared for, not something that will stop us from adoption. They apparently need to make sure throughout the process that i am resilient or something.
we can't do the november course- they say they want us to wait until after xmas to give me "more time" but they also said they actually don't think they will have a november one because of staffing, but our names are def on the jan/feb course.
I have been told by sw to start reading up and have just ordered four books off their list. I got them all from amazon. I ordered "The adoption experience"ann morris, "real parents real childrenarenting the adopted child"(holly van gulden) "raising adopted children"(lois ruskai melina)  and "considering adoption"(sarah biggs)
should keep me busy for a while, and according to sw will put us in a better position prep wise for the prep course, and hopefully help to speed up our form f. heres hoping... have a nice weekend all,
kylie
x


----------



## *Kim*

I am so excited for you. I really want to see Jacs post, i come straight here if i see you have posted hoping to see the good news.
Praying for you Karen
Love Kim x x x


----------



## Laine

Oh me too Karen...Just can't wait!

Laine xxx


----------



## KarenM

Just testing to see if my tickers work!!

Karen


----------



## Sue MJ

Karen,

Your ticker is certainly working - OMG, I didn't realise you are so close to getting your family xxxxxxxx I have everything crossed for you.

Love,

Sue xxxxxxxxx


----------



## SueL

Oh Karen, it's getting really close for you and Rich now.  I'm excited for you!!!!!!!!  Absolutely everying is crossed cos you deserve it!

Love Sue
xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Sara M

Hi Karen

I just popped in to wish you and your husband all the luckfor the future.

I often pop in to read your threads and i am so excited for you.

How old are the 2 lucky little girls that are going to be your daughters?!!

I have looked back a bit but can't seem to see anything(sorry if i've missed it!)

Hugs and Kisses

Sara and Joseph


----------



## KarenM

Hi Sara

They both have their birthday's in November when one of them will be 2 and the other will be 1.

thanks for the good wishes.

Love
Karen x


----------



## CarolineW

Hi Karen

Please can I join your thread  

We went to panel on 14th September and have been recommended for approval for 2 children aged 0 to 4 years 11 months.  We are waiting for our final confirmation by Head of Childrens Services in Somerset.

looking foreward to getting to know you all

love
Caroline
xxxxx


----------



## KarenM

Caroline

Welcome to the group.  Congratulations on being approved at panel.  Are you actively looking in Be My Parent (BMP) or have your local Social Services (SS) got a sibling group in mind?  Where I am we are also put in with the local consortium covering about 12 different SS areas so our details are passed around the region to see if they have any matches too.

I am sure you will find it useful on here to share the highs and lows of the adopton experience.

Once again welcome and look forward to "chatting" to you soon
Love
Karen x


----------



## bex32

Hi every one, can i join in too?  I have updated my original post i started a year ago on the adoption thread, but have read all of your posts and would love to chat.  Karen you are nearly there... it is so hard sort of knowing but not 100%.  I so relate to that.   My DH and i were approved in April, we too started the journey in Nov 03.  We have been linked to a 15 month old boy.  We have pictures and he has big brown eyes and blonde hair like me.  We have met his sw and his fp who were all lovely and also agree to our match.  We got a letter yesterday from his sw saying they would have no doubt in placing him in our care..  So next monday 27th we hope little xxxx will recieve his adoption order.  A freeing order will be lodged at this time also.  We go to matching panel on Oct 27th and a possible placement date in Nov 5th.  We will remember, remember the 5th of Nov if all goes to plan!!!  Excited is an understatement.  Its the closet we have ever been to being a mummy and daddy and it sure feels good!! We will start buying bits after he recieves his freeing order.   There is a bonus as well. A sisbling is due in Nov and we have been asked to take the new born as well!! The baby will prob go straight into care and we have to be reapproved.  We have also said yes to this baby it would be a dream come true but who knows, nothing is definate yet so we are focusing all our attention on the little chap!!   Will keep you all updated.  Lots of love and luck to everyone.  Its good to be back.. Becky xxx


----------



## morgana

Becky, 

how exciting, I am so pleased for you that you are nearing the end of the road and getting a little boy, and the added excitement of possibly his infant sibling too. It gives hope to all of us on this journey and makes us feel a little bit less alone to hear wonderful stories like yours and Karen's. I wish you all the best. Please let us know how it goes about his freeing order and the matching panel. I will keep my fingers crossed for you both that everything goes as planned.

Take care,
Morgana


----------



## KarenM

Becky WOW that is all just so exciting , a new born too.

Welcome to the group.  I bet you can't wait to get out there and shop, shop, shop.  I think Xmas in our houses are going to be very different this year!!

I think I need to update our list, we have had so many changes of late, I just can't keep up.

Bye for now
Love
karen


----------



## KarenM

Right Girls - Here's my attempt at an updated list. I now have a new system for keeping it updated, so please tell me if I have got anything wrong and I will correct it.

Karen: Approved at panel on 22nd April. Now awaiting confirmation that we can be Mummy and Daddy to two little girls . Possible move in date in early November.

Becky (Bex32): Approved at panel in April. Now awaiting confirmation that Bex and DH can be mummy and daddy to a little boy, and one on the way !! Possible moving in date 5th November.

Caroline W: Approved at panel in September, now awaiting a suitable match.

Cindy: Currently doing home assessment. Awaiting a panel date.

Ann: Currently doing home assessment. Panel 4th November 2004.

Ruth: Currently doing home assessment

Ang (Molly 2003): Course completed awaiting allocation of SW

Everhopeful: Currently doing home assessment

Mandy (MSW): Starting home assessment in January

Nat (Crazy): Awaiting allocation of SW

Kylie (Boomerang Girl): Awaiting allocation of SW, prep course November?

Homer & Marge: Prep course September.

Nicola (NickyDuncanFinn): Induction evening September

Nicky: Currently doing assessment

Shannis: Prep course starts 2/9/04

Donna: Awaiting approval of application

Tracey H: Awaiting course date and visit from Family Placement Officer

Carol (allineedisamircale): Currently doing home assessment (not sure if Carol is still posting?  )

Jo (jolene): Course completed, awaiting allocation of SW (not sure if Jolene is still posting?  )


Karen


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## cindyp

Wow Becky that is so exciting, I'm so pleased for you.  You're going to have the best Bonfire Night ever!!!!

Caroline, welcome to the group and congratulations on being approved.  Hope you find a suitable match soon.

Karen, I'll be regularly checking your ticker.  Did you get the IM reply I sent you as I'm not sure if I messed up.  I couldn't see it in my outbox.  Technology!!!

love to all
Cindy


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## cindyp

Karen, I can't blame technology I just had a severe blonde moment.  You probably did get my IM it's just that I forgot to tick the box that says Save A Copy To Your Outbox.  Duh!!

Cindy


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## morgana

Karen,

You forgot me   - been to intro meeting, waiting allocation of SW. don't worry I'll not hold it against you...lol

Morgana x


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## KarenM

Morgana - sorry, can't believe I missed you of.

Especially for you here's new list witrh you on it?

Karen: Approved at panel on 22nd April. Now awaiting confirmation that we can be Mummy and Daddy to two little girls . Possible move in date in early November.

Bex (Bex32): Approved at panel in April. Now awaiting confirmation that Bex and DH can be mummy and daddy to a little boy, and one on the way !! Possible moving in date 5th November.

Caroline W: Approved at panel in September, now awaiting a suitable match.

Cindy: Currently doing home assessment. Awaiting a panel date.

Ann: Currently doing home assessment. Panel 4th November 2004.

Ruth: Currently doing home assessment

Ang (Molly 2003): Course completed awaiting allocation of SW

Everhopeful: Currently doing home assessment

Mandy (MSW): Starting home assessment in January

Nat (Crazy): Awaiting allocation of SW

Kylie (Boomerang Girl): Awaiting allocation of SW, prep course November?

Homer & Marge: Prep course September.

Nicola (NickyDuncanFinn): Induction evening September

Nicky: Currently doing assessment

Shannis: Prep course starts 2/9/04

Morgana: Awaiting allocation of SW

Donna: Awaiting approval of application

Tracey H: Awaiting course date and visit from Family Placement Officer

Carol (allineedisamircale): Currently doing home assessment (not sure if Carol is still posting?  )

Jo (jolene): Course completed, awaiting allocation of SW (not sure if Jolene is still posting?  )



Karen x 

PS Cindy - yes I have got your IM's - have replied but did exactly the same as you and forgot to save it.


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## bex32

HI Karen thanks for adding me to the listxx Lots of luck to you.  Were just waiting waiting, but i feel positive.   We were sent 3 lovely pictures of xxxx today from his FP.  All taken yesterday playing in the garden.  He had had a fantastic placement with them, it shows he is laughing in every picture.  My mum and dad in law came over tonight and they loved the piccies.   So we wait untill monday.  Our sw rung today and said we may not here of his adoption order untill Tuesday as it is an all day case... tender hooks doesn't come near!! Rob will be diving in egypt so i will stay with mum and dad.  Lucky sod.  After the lull of things i said yes go on holiday with your mates it could be your last chance... Booking things often result in move ment!! How right i was.  He owes me big time!! Will check in tomorrow. Best wishes to all and thanks for your suport Love Bex xxx


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## cindyp

Bex, how did things go on Tuesday? 

My SW finally got round to seeing the last of my referees where they apparently all agreed how wonderful we are!!!  Thank God for friends with a poetic licence  .  The SW is oming to see us on the 4th October with our report to review and hopefully our panel date.

In the meantime we're supposed to be finishing our photo book but I'm suffering from a cold and an influx of spots and am feeling all Greta Garbo like.  Oh well, I suppose the kids need to know what I look like at my worst!
We've had a clearout to make some room for kids and are having the car boot sale on Sunday so keep your fingers crossed it stays dry.

Hope everybody has a good weekend.
love
Cindy


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## KarenM

Cindy

Don't worry about the pictures.  We ran out of time and mine was taking the morning after a very heavy night before.  Pee holes in the snow doesn't come close!!  Good news that you should have a panel date is everything is done and it is only sign off, hopefully you'll make November's.

Bex - Like Cindy I'd love to know how Tuesday went, any news?

Well I'm off on what looks like it will be my last holiday without kids.  We are off to the lakes tomorrow for the w/end with all of Rich's family.  Wish me luck as it is PMT w/end so not a good combo!!

Hope everyone has a good weekend.  Hopefully I will find out for definite if our linking meeting is on Monday or 6th Oct.  either way not long to wait and then the shopping can start in earnest.

TTFN
Love

Karen x


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## *Kim*

Great news Karen

Hope you have a great weekend and the PMT doesnt spoil it for you.

Love Kim x x


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## bex32

Hi all, great to hear everyones news! Next Tuesday is the day we will find out the outcome of the court case hopefully freeing xxxx for adoptionxxx Fingers crossedx  

Cindy do include lots of photos of you and your partner and your family doing fun things.  Put in small statements of what you like to do and experiences you have had with kids.  It should be fun and easy to look at, sell your self honey, your profile should stand out as it could be one of many.  I only say this from feedback we recieved from the FP we met last week. 

Karen have a great weekend! 
I am working for the next 9 days, doing extra due to sickness but i decided it was better to keep busy when Rob is away.  Roll on monday!!  Take care love Becky xx


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## morgana

Becky

Keeping my fingers crossed for you, will be checking the site next week to see how you got on, don't keep us in suspense....lol

Morgana x


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## KarenM

Hi Girls

Well I managed to have an enjoyable weekend even with the witch around !!  It looks like the linking meeting will be next Wednesday so not long to wait really.  We have got today off and are going to Babies R Us this afternoon on a reccy!

Becky - hope yesterday went well - any news?

It's been very quiet on here over the weekend, thought I'd have to spend ages on catch up.  Not much else going on here.  Just about to order my books for post adoption i.e how to tell the children and the Nutmeg book.

Hope everyone is well.

Bye for now
Love
Karen x


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Karen,
             It does seem to have gone a bit quiet  not sure where everyone is. 

I hope you are having fun, shopping   and good luck for next week for the link meeting, OOOOoooooooooh you will have your little girls home before you know it.  

Not much happenening my end. I had my medical last week and Dh's is booked for next week.

The head SW will have been back in work this week but i have been good and resited calling her so far   but may ring if not heard any news by the end of the week.

Still reading and trying to get the DIY done, did the shower room this weekend.

Just been to toys r us with my neightbour and i kept thinking, won't it be great when i can come in and shop for my own littlies 

TTFN Mandyxx


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## Nats

Hi there

I am still around but am having to cover staff holidays and they all seem to be following each other!!.....good for the slim fast diet though!! 

Karen- I bet you cant wait for next week, hopefully the time will fly by for you and things will run smoothly!!. Can I also ask you very kindly to change my details to started home study....I must have forgot to tell you...........slpped wrists for me!! 

Mandy- Well done for holding back so far this week, its all so hard isnt it. We will all be mummies before we know it and we just wont knwo how to control our happiness!.

As for us, we have had 2 visits so far, have handed in our eco maps, family trees and Chronolgy charts too, just working on the profiles now. I have the next meeting on my own. 
Cant believe that we have been told we will have around 8 or 9 visits and will be finished in 4 months time if there are no problems!!!. Apparently they are calling out for couple willing to take on sibling groups and thats why they picked us.......its so scary saying that!!.
Have got a good realtionship with the SW  and feel very down to earth and happy to discuss most things.

Anyway back to work I guess!!

Hope everyone else is ok....

Natxx


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## bex32

Yipee!!!   We are going to be a mummy and daddy.  Heard today the care order has been granted!! We can now progress with the adoption.. We are the only match and go to panel on the 27th Oct.  Still aiming to have xxxx home on Nov 5th!!  Spoke to the foster parents and i could hear xxxx laughing in the background.  It felt sureal but soooo right!! I will now start to decorate his room go into mothercare with my head held high... Thanks for all the support, will keep you posted.

Love and hope all is well with you.xxx  Love Becky xxx


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## everhopeful

Hiya! Only me!!  

Just thought I'd post an update - I know what you mean, it does seem to have gone quiet on here!
We've had our 5th HS visit this afternoon, starting to look at the children we'll be after, and looking at the Form F. Our SW is starting to contact our referees to arrange meetings over the next couple of weeks - which I think is the scariest thing so far!!
We had our home safety check done today and that was fine - just need to find a cooker guard for the hob!!

We've got our individual visits in the next 2 weeks   and then just one more visit planned after that so far. So we're definately getting closer to the end result! To be honest, it seems to have flown by. 

Karen - not long to go now!!!!! How very exciting! 
I've also ordered the Nutmeg gets adopted book!!!

Mandy - well done on your medical. Hang on in there, the time will speed past and you'll be a Mum before you know it!

Becky - Congrats on your news - best of luck at panel on the 27th!!

Hope everyone else is ok and plodding along nicely!

Byeeeee!


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## KarenM

Bex

* Congratulations on getting the next step closer to the dream *

That's excellent news. Are you still in line to get his little brother/sister?. Looks like we could be Mummy's at a very similar time. Enjoy the shopping, it's great fun, and easy to get carried away.

We've been again today and I've brought a high chair and had the car seats tested in my car so I know which one's we need. We've alos got their birthday's in November too as well as Xmas

Can't wait to see your post saying that **** has moved in.

Love
Karen x


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## Laine

New home girls...

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,15394.0.html


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