# Newbie considering DI to start family



## Lou-Ann (Apr 20, 2008)

Hi

As I am a new member, just thought I would say hello to all. I am a 31yr old single woman considering Di to start a family as 'Mr. Right' just hasn't appeared!
I am still in the initial stages of reading material, especially that of the message boards (which is taking hours!), and have also joined the DC Network for support and advice. There is certainly a lot to take in, but I do believe that Di is the right route for me. 

Good luck to all you girls already having treatment x

Lou-Ann


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Hi Lou- Ann welcome to the thread there are people on here at all stages of the TTC game!! Good Luck whereabouts are you in the country have you decided on a clinic?

L x


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## Lou-Ann (Apr 20, 2008)

Hi L,

I am from the W.Midlands, and I have spent all morning looking at the different clinics that aren't too far away. Its so hard! It has been suggested that I take a look at Mikki Morrisettes website to try and help with choosing one.  Looking at some of the costs, I am going to need to get some more money put to one side as well! I am going to seek referral to an NHS clinic for treatment before actually making the decision.

Lou-Ann


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Hi and welcome Lou-Ann, all the best with which ever path you choose.  You've definitely come to the right place
Take care
Rachel x


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi Lou-Ann

And welcome!

I saw your post on DCN too but I'll say hello here rather than there - I find this site is more chatty, although DCN is great for factual information etc and I think really comes into its own once you have a donor conceived child.

HFEA website is probably best place to get clinic listings, then check out the review threads on here too. We've a few single girls in the Midlands, so I'm sure they can also share their personal experiences with you. I'm at LWC in London - I live/work in Hampshire so it's a 4 hour round trip each time. I'd definitely recommend a clinic close to you if you can find one you are happy with. I find the travel quite stressful and it's tricky to juggle with work as well....

As Lou says, us single girls don't qualify for NHS fertility tx, so it's a case of saving hard to go private. You should, however, be able to get all the necessary pre tx blood tests etc done by your GP on the NHS (as long as you have a relatively sensitive GP) - so certainly worth asking them about this to save some money. 

Anyway, as others have said, there's lots of us here, all at different stages, so feel free to fire any questions etc at us. And if you'd like to meet up in person, we have a get together in Straford (upon Avon, not London...) May 17th - check out the thread on that for more info....you'd be most welcome

Laura
x


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## Lou-Ann (Apr 20, 2008)

Thanks to all that have shown their support, it's good to know that there are other women in the same situation.  

I have already made an appointment with the GP, so rather than cancel it I will pop along to see him anyway and ask about the pre tx blood tests (sorry for my ignorance, but what does tx stand for? - have managed to work the other abbreviations out). 

MFS is one of the clinics that I've looked at, (as well as the Priory in B'ham, Birminghams womens and the Centre for reproductive meds in Coventry), its good to know that someone else has had treatment there. I'm saving hard at the mo, doing a lot of overtime at work, as I originally thought that I wouldn't be entitled to NHS treatment. 

Thank you for inviting me to the Stratford meet up, I will try to get over.

Lou-Ann
x


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## Elpida (Feb 11, 2008)

I just wanted to say hi too I'm also single and from Birmingham. I've a couple of things to sort out before I can start treatment (tx) but am considering the Priory or MFS when I'm able to get started.


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## Lou-Ann (Apr 20, 2008)

Hi Esperanza,

Have you spoken to or visited either of these clinics? what did you think?
When are you planning on starting tx?

Lou-Ann


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## Elpida (Feb 11, 2008)

Hi Lou-Ann

I did a phone-around awhile ago to see which clinics consider treating single women and which have sperm. As of a few weeks ago the priory have a couple of donors which is a big plus, they're also very close to me and where I work so that puts them at the top of my list. I've also been treated for Endometriosis by one of the consultants there, although not for many years.

I've also spoken with MFS who were really helpful. They don't have any sperm atm so there's at least a 6month wait (and presumably that six months would be for those at the top of any list) but import from Denmark, I think they said that they operate a system where if you pay per IUI then you have to go to the bottom of the list for your next go, but you can buy a batch lot if you know what I mean? I also spoke with Birmingham Womens hospital and they have a minimum 6 month wait also but I've heard that they're less flexible with appointment times.

For a variety of reasons I'm unlikely to be able to start treatment until the autumn, so I will make a decision then, but I have been toying with the idea of importing my own sperm from Denmark and taking it to the priory but I'm not sure how feasible this is. There's so much to consider, I suppose the first stop is your GP - they may have an opinion on clinics or particular consultants. Then it'll come down to costs and availability of sperm. 

It's hard to know where to start, but I'm hoping that once I'm able to get things started things will get a little clearer! It's certainly worth phoning them and having a chat.

I'll be at the Stratford meet in May if you can make it?

E


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## some1 (May 13, 2006)

Hello Lou-Ann and welcome to the site!

I am having my treatment at Birmingham Women's Hospital.  I went to see my GP and he referred me to their ACU (Assisted Conception Unit), but before they would treat me there I had to go through their Gynae dept to make sure I was ok for treatment - this was all on the NHS (i.e. blood tests, HSG etc).  NHS all takes a bit more time, but it is free, so if you don't mind a wait it could be worth it (I think an HSG is several hundred pounds if you go private).  The long wait suited me as I felt I needed time to think things through and be really sure about what I was doing.

If you have any questions about BWH just let me know.

Some1

xx

(Esperanza - not sure if I have spoken to you yet - if not Hello! and welcome!!


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## Lou-Ann (Apr 20, 2008)

Hi everyone

It is so good to have everyone's support here as I haven't told anyone yet what my plans are. I'm not very good at 'talking' anyway and have found it hard to find the right moment to say anything to anyone. Although, having read a few of the other threads, i'm hoping that when I do tell my nearest and dearest, I will get as much positive support as a lot of you have (and as for 'other' people - they just don't matter!)

I too won't be starting treatment for a few months due to cash flow, so a wait on the NHS wouldn't be a bad thing (Some1, its great to hear that you had some support from the NHS!). If the NHS isn't an option, I will start to ring round a few clinics for more info. 

Esperanza, I can't help you with the importing of sperm from Denmark, but hopefully one of the other girls may pick up on this thread and offer some advice.


Jenny, good luck with your 2ww x

Lou-Ann
x


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Esperanza - Rachella has imported sperm from Denmark to use so she'll surely be able to send you some more info on this - maybe send her a PM about it?

Lou-Ann - good luck with telling others about it. Once I'd got things clear in my head about what I wanted to do, I found it quite easy to tell other people - at least the ones that matter anyway. My family and most of my friends know me well enough to know I want children anyway, so they weren't even all that surprised to be honest....and as you say, the rest of the world doesn't matter as long as you have a good support network of friends/family behind you

All the best
Laura
x


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## kylecat (Oct 18, 2007)

Hi Lou - ann, just wanted to add my little welcome to the site. I was so pleased when I came across it in October last year, it has been of great support to me. It sounds like there are quite a few of the girls in your neck of the woods. This is good as you will be able to find out more about the clinics in that area. I've also found it great to meet up with the girls in my local area too. It is lovely and so reassuring to meet people in the same boat!!  

Good luck with everything!
Katiex


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## ♥Jovial♥ (Feb 25, 2007)

Hi Lou Ann

Welcome to our little world!  You'll meet the most amazing women here, the support is invaluable xx


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## Lou-Ann (Apr 20, 2008)

Hi all, sorry for not posting over the last couple of weeks, I have had my head stuck in the Mikki Morrisette book – very thought provoking. I have been trying to catch up on the various threads for the last day or so.

Jenny, sorry to hear your news   , fingers crossed for #4!

Katie, good luck for your 2ww! 

Some1, hope your tx goes well! 

Hollysox, congrats on your BFP, take it easy.

Reading the Mikki Morrisette book and telling a couple of friends of my plans has made me realise that I am not at the ‘right’ place/time to go forward with starting any tx journey. Though my friends weren’t directly negative, they were very shocked and also concerned about how I would cope financially - I have a mortgage, etc and for the first time in 4 yrs have been able to start saving (I do have a saving scheme that matures next autumn, which will also help a little). As with Jeanette, I would like to try and make sure that I have a bit of financial backup before embarking on such a journey.  I would hate to think that I had brought a child into the world worrying about whether I could keep the roof over his/her head or be able to provide for him/her. I have also had a few doubts over the last couple of weeks, and have felt a bit insecure and inadequate, but I’m not quite sure whether this is down to the fact that I haven’t met ‘Prince Charming’ and am having to think about going down this route to become a mom.

Do any of you worry about the impact of not having a father figure for the child? It wasn’t something I’d really thought about until I read  Mikki’s book, kind of made me feel a bit selfish for wanting a child, but not thinking of the child’s need for a father.

Looking at it realistically, it will be at least another year before I am ‘ready’ to start any tx journey, and if I meet Mr. Right in the meantime then even better! For now I will continue to read the books, keep in touch with all of you and save hard!

Well, I must go and get some sleep, I’m going to be a godmother today (story of my life!) Hope it doesn’t follow the bridesmaid saying: ‘three times a bridesmaid, never a bride’

Take care all x
Lou-Ann


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi Lou-Ann,

In answer to your question, yes - I have thought a lot about the child not having its biological father around when it's growing up, as I'm sure most of us have. But me not being in a relationship doesn't mean that the child won't have "father figures" and male influences in its life - I have plenty of male friends, and my brother in law - and I will make sure that they help to fulfil that role. I already have a couple of people in mind who I will ask to play a special role in the child's life (I'm not a church goer so they probably won't be 'god parents' as such, but it would be that sort of thing..)

Besides, you just never know what's around the corner. Plenty of women who have children with their partner end up bringing them up alone (through divorce or death - my own father died when I was in my early teens) and plenty of single mums subsequently meet Mr Right and bring up the children together. And there are plenty of children who suffer from growing up in a two parent household where the parents have stayed together for the sake of the children but are unhappy and arguing all the time. 

No situation is perfect, and you can't plan for every eventuality in life. I still hope to meet someone in the future who will love my child/ren as their own, but if that does not happen, I'll make sure there are plenty of influences of all kinds in the child's life, both male and female, and most importantly they will know that they were very much wanted, and are very much loved.

Totally agree that you need to feel ready for this - both financially and in every other way. It's not a decision anyone takes lightly, and books like Mikki M's are a good way to think through all of the consequences of the decision and be sure it's what you want. And that takes time. Took me years to get to this point (although the final decision to go ahead was quite quick, I had been considering it for at least 3-4 years). You're fortunately still relatively young so you have time to work it through and put plans in place. 

Good luck with the savings plan (good time for it - lots of high interest accounts around at the moment - Icesave has a good 1 yr fixed bond paying 7%, or 1st Direct has a regular saver account paying 8%....not that I'm advertising their services or anything - I've just been recently looking into it myself!)

And do stay in touch - hopefully those of us who have been through the thought process can help you with the decision making...

Enjoy the christening today,
Laura
x


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## Bluebelle Star (Feb 5, 2008)

Hi Lou-Anne I just wanted to say welcome! My laptop is almost out of battery so I'll have to make it short, but welcome, feel free to ask any questions you have and enjy Fertility Friends!
Bluebelle


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## Lou-Ann (Apr 20, 2008)

Hi

Thank you for your words of support! I'm just waiting for 2 more books to come from DCN to read through.

Lou-Ann x


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## Lou-Ann (Apr 20, 2008)

Hi Ju,

Thank you for your little welcome. Yes, I will be coming to Stratford, it will be nice to put a face to the names.

Looking forward to meeting everyone.

Lou-Ann x


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