# resenting home study....



## Irishlady (Oct 12, 2007)

Hi, sorry not been on here much and I think this may turn into a rant....  

We are nearly 2 months into home study and for the first time I am starting to resent all the things we have to do. We had a visit to a child & family centre last week which I hated...I work with children day in day out and felt really uncomfortable being observed interacting with children. We were given no prior warning to ages, ability of the children and v much left to find our feet.  All felt v un natural. 

We are working on parenting capacity for h/w at the mo, and so much of it is speculative and find that we are generalising as we won't know what we will be like as parents until we are in that position.

Also we spent 2 months abroad, 10 years ago and they need a police clearance. I have been chasing this up for weeks and have just heard back that they haven't received our form or money!! At prep we were told that anything under 6 months wouldn't be looked into, so not sure why we are doing this.

It is just adding to increased stress levels and work to do or chase up.

I really can't see the wood for the trees at present and want the home study part to be over. The sw is lovely, I am just getting sick of how we have to go through all those hoops and do so much work....

Also we recently received an email from a 'friend' after telling them about our adoption plans, and received a reply to say 'shame it has come to  that...and you never know you may still have one of your own..'     To be honest I think this was the trigger for my bad mood...

Anyway, we have a couple of nights away this week which will do us good.

Thanks for reading   


xxx


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## AJ-Coops (Jun 10, 2006)

Feel for you - even though our HS was 3 yrs ago it is all still fresh in my memory and definately the words "jump" & "hoops" came up with us.  It does seem like such a long trawl and we certainly felt like we were giving answers that they wanted to hear, not what we actually felt, just to tick all the boxes!!!!  I do understand why they have to ask all the questions, but it doesnt help when you are going through it and like you said, cant see the light at the end of the tunnell!!!!

Just stick to it - it's so worth it when the two of you become three.  We are just starting the process again for number 2 and am all ready dreading the HS   

As with people passing on their "comments" please remember that it doesnt matter where the child comes from, its the love and stability that counts and you guys becomong parents


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## jitterbug (Nov 22, 2006)

You have my sympathies too. 

I got sick of feeling judged and feeling like I was rubbish at everything. Our HS finished a year ago and we are soon to be meeting our little girl. It's only now that I can understand properly WHY they have to put the hoops in place, but at the time it was horrendous some days...

Other peoples' comments hurt too - I got sick of having to 'justify' adoption - does that make sense? But now if people say something insensitive I just put them straight, nicely (well, mostly nicely!)

I wish you the best of luck for the rest of the journey and it will be worth it in the long run. I always try to remember the phrase, "Things happen to those that can deal with it" and that's why we're adopting - because we're strong enough to deal with it all (even though some days I feel like heading off somewhere and not coming back!)

Love Kate x x x


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## julesF (Apr 7, 2009)

Hi there
sorry to hear that you are having an uncomfortable time on HS, we got alot out of ours, intros under SW, their SW and FC that was like being in a goldfish bowl, so there is yet more to come


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

I think that the problem with hs is that the 2 main partys ie the parents and the sw and team have very different prioritys

To us this is the single most important thing we have ever or will ever do and for them we are just another couple who they work with............

It drove me to complete distraction and there were times that I questioned if given our time again we would have gone through it knowing what we knew about the process.........we have now had kitten home 6 months and my house is upside down, I can not remember the person I was before she came along and at times do mourn that woman and right now I am watching her hoovering with her toy hoover and trying not to think about the damage being done to the wooden floor and furniture!!! But and it is a huge but we could not be happier 

I have been asked to talk to prospectives at training and the one most important bit of advice I can give is hang in there as it will be over soon and unfortunately you have no choice but to just go with it! 

rant away as we all have been there and understand how stressful it is but most of us have a happy ending xxx


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## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

Hi Irishlady,

I  couldn't read and run.
I am eagerly and waiting for our hs to start and only finished our prep course last Friday!!!
I just wanted to give you some cyber    and to tell you, stick
with it, as the girls said It will be worth it in the end.
As for your so called friend tell her to take a flying jump, because untill she has been through what you have been through
she hasn't got a clue 
Good luck and take care.
Skyblu.xx


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## Irishlady (Oct 12, 2007)

Thank you all so much for replying it really does mean a lot.    

And to cap it off yesterday my dh received a birthday card from the 'friend' who made the insensitive comments and she signed it from her and dh, omitting their 2 children's names...what's all that about 

Anyway, we are still 100% focused on adoption and will get there, I think it is because our sw has been away on hol for a few weeks so we have had a long gap between sessions, it starts up again next week on a regular basis so think it will be ok again.

you guys are great!! xxxx


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

I didn't find the HS too invasive but the comments   

I don't actually want to get pregnant at the moment as it never ends well. I have really wanted to tell a couple of people "well I'd quite like a live baby not a dead one". I told another friend who thought it was "funny" that if I had £1 for every time I've heard the "joke" that I'll just get pregnant now, I'd be rich. I think she got the point that it was neither new nor funny.


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## Irishlady (Oct 12, 2007)

Everything is back on track and I am feeling a lot more positive   

We had a session this morning which went well and our sw did say that everything was progressing nicely   I think the 4 week gap between sessions did make us feel a bit down and that everything had stagnated, but now they will start to move along quite quickly again.

xx


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