# totally gutted



## do dreams come true (Oct 15, 2013)

hi well after months of searching we thought we had found our link and found out today she has went to somebody else who was a stronger match.
Totally heart broken as we were told that we were a really good match and everything was very positive.

We feel deflated our sw is doing everything she possibly can but it seems the children sw and family finders mess the adopters and their sw about no end.
We have attended numerous Dvd events and profiling days over past few weeks i am totally drained and ready to give up. We are inquiring about children and either the children s sw don't get back to you or they are being adopted in house yet still being profiled at national events.

What chance do we have if this is what is happening i understand it can take time and we are only in the early stage of waiting. However its not that we are not coming across children it the sw and family finders for the children that dont seem to be in a hurry.

Where to go next is the question


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## pyjamas (Jun 24, 2011)

Sorry for your disappointment. We have been waiting a long time and it only gets harder the longer you wait. Try to stay positive as you have not been approved all that long. believe that when the right one comes along your dreams will come true


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## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

I didn't want to read and run, so sorry for you going through that and feel your pain   your lo is out there somewhere, this just wasn't the one xx


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## do dreams come true (Oct 15, 2013)

thanks ladies i just felt like this was the one but just just wasn't to be


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## dandlebean (Feb 24, 2013)

We had the same thing happen to us. We were told an hour before LO's SW/FF were due to visit us. They just cancelled the appointment at the very last minute and said they were going with someone else. Up until that point, we'd been led to believe we were the perfect match and had no idea other families were being considered. We'd been utterly convinced that this particular LO was 'the one' and that it was meant to be. He even had my late father's name and various other little coincidences that we felt at the time must be signs that we'd found our child. 

However, we now have two beautiful, wonderful children sleeping upstairs  If that first match had gone ahead, we wouldn't have these two - which is now a scary thought, as I couldn't be without them now! 

Hang in there! Wishing you all the best and hoping you find your LO really soon xx


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## do dreams come true (Oct 15, 2013)

aww what a lovely story thank you for your reply  dandlebean


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Dandlebean, I am so sorry you have had to go through this  

The un-certainties are the hardest part of the matching process    Everyone says "Don't get carried away, stay grounded" but I think everyone on here knows the reality and that it is impossible not to hope and dream ............. 

We have just been matched to our 6yo pink, who we both fell in love with at first sight after being linked nearly straight away to a 3yo pink, who everyone said was perfect for us and we had both sets of Sw's onboard. It was only when they were informing the parents that they discovered her birth dad was moving down our street  

I know it doesn't help at the moment, but I am sure your LO is waiting for you and when you find her you will know it was meant to be


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## weemoofrazz (Sep 6, 2013)

Hi Dreams

Competitive matching is a soul destroying process and all I can say is hang on in there  . As others have said whats for you wont go past you. Its hard to wait and cope with the disappointment but it will be worth it in the end when you do find that perfect LO.


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

You poor honey.    ((((((((hugs)))))))))  I really do firmly believe that if a match falls through, it's because YOUR child isn't ready yet.  Hang on in there, Dreams.


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## do dreams come true (Oct 15, 2013)

hi ladies thank you for you replies had a couple of days to pick myself up and move on but god this is hard


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Ddct,


Hold in there girlie, we have been in a competative match twice, the first time (1 other couple) sadly they chose another couple and the 2nd time (3 couples) was our son.
Looking back it hurt not getting chosen the first time, I felt like maybe I wasn't good enough, what did we do wrong etc. 
Our sw did her best to reasure us that it was just a case of the Los sw had told her it was just that she felt the other couple were a better match and couldn't say anymore.
What is strange is the 2nd time I felt guilty about being matched as I knew what the other couples would be feeling. It took me a couple of weeks to feel better about myself even though it wasn't me that had made the decision. 
Even now with our son asleep upstairs I still wonder if lo that we didn't get matched with is with a forever family and happy.
But if that match had gone through we wouldn't have our beautiful little boy, and he is so much like us it was like he was meant to be ours. And we wouldn't change him for the world.


Your littleone is out there somewhere just waiting for his/her mummy to find him/her


Stay strong.




.


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## do dreams come true (Oct 15, 2013)

thanks Macgyver we keep telling ourselves that our little one is out there waiting for us to find her. DH has said she'll come along when we least expect it and we will never look back all the heartache of waiting will be worth it


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