# My friends and family are not supportive



## Candycarrots (Jan 1, 2014)

Hi, I'm new to this so I have no idea if any one will read this... But I'll give it a go to see if it helps me! Two years ago I had IVF twins at 40 but ended up in hospital with severe ohss! My mum was annoyed with me for 'nearly killing myself' (like I intended this to happen) she and my close friends had no idea how much I wanted children with my new partner. I now have two wonderfull healthy 2 year olds!!! I wish those of you who are still trying all the best and hope you don't think I'm being greedy, however I have just tried again with an FET and sadly failed (negative test on 30/12/13). I confided in two friends who I txt the results to and had no replies, I also told my mum who said I was too old and selfish and should concentrate on the 2 I have. This is really hurtful to me, I haven't got the support I needed and I'm still upset about the BFN never mind listening to mums opinion and lack of friends kindness. I get the feeling people think ivf is all about buying babies and not about the heartache knowing we can't have babies the normal joyful way, it's as if they think ivf is wrong or that I haven't thought it over, when in fact it's the only thing I can think about and have seriously considered my age and financial situation, I still wholeheartedly crave to love another child of my own. Why do I always see comments on ** about how wonderful other peoples friends and family are?


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## dillydolly (Mar 11, 2005)

Candycarrots
Maybe the 40+ area would be better to find people to chat too

See if this link works

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=162.0

You will find there is lots of people feeling the same as you. You aren't alone!


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## evan80 (Nov 30, 2013)

Candycarrots I am sorry that you are not finding any support from your family.  I have a lot of support from my family but then at times they say things without meaning to which may be hurtful to people like us who are going through the infertility journey.  But I always put it down to the fact that people who have had no problems getting pregnant are not able to understand what it's like. 

If you and your partner feel that you want other kids inspite of your age then you have every right to go for what you want.  I wouldn't consider this as being selfish at all.  Although I know that in times like these family support is important but at the end of the day just as long as you and your partner are on the same wavelength and agree on this then that is all that matters.  So keep trying if that is what you want. 

Best of luck.


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## jules40:)x (Jun 15, 2011)

We are in a similar situation. I had 2 grown up boys when I met my dh and he didn't have any and desperately wanted them. My family watched when I nearly died from an ectopic not diagnosed until 8.5 weeks then a mmc by which time I was 40 and dh was diagnosed with male factor issues. We didn't tell anyone about treatment and they were delighted but really worried for me when we told them we were having twins. We have just been through treatment again, the twins are now 17 months old, and I'm 6.5 weeks pregnant. We haven't told anyone!  I think it might be concern for you that is driving the behaviour rather than nastiness - try and reverse the situation and think about how you might feel about.  

Hope that helps and congratulations on your twins - I hope they bring you as much love as ours do xx


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## naddie (May 1, 2012)

Hi Candycarrots, sorry you are feeling this way and that you are getting little support. In my experience I had, in which I class as a close friend, very little support from her so I stopped telling her my plans, I had my little boy 6 months ago and I have started treatment for my FET in the next few weeks. We have decided to keep this to ourselves this time round. I think people are just bizzy with there own lives. My brother gives me grief about having children at my age, (I've just turned 40) Its your life, people can either except it or not, there not long in changing there tune when your cuddled into your new bundle. Good luck in your journey xxx


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## Candycarrots (Jan 1, 2014)

Thank you every one for you're replies, I tried again in May with my last embryos and failed again. I'm coming to terms with it now, and feel lucky for my miracles. I'm having counselling tho, as I still feel upset about my family and certain friends. (Long story about my sister but she was very cruel during my pregnancy with the twins and I still can't forgive her for not being there for me)


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