# using friends to fill the void



## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

So this morning i had a bit of a realisation and i think i just need to write it down.

ive been feeling really let down by some of my friends recently and this morning i think i realised why: 
over the last few years i have gone above and beyond to do things for/ help my friends with various things - planning hen parties (when not maid of honour) planning baby showers, planning birthday parties, dropping what im doing to do stuff for them, supporting their ambitions when im not actually that interested i.e. going to my mates regular boring band gigs or going to a beauty products launch when i have no interest in buying the products and then just generally doing favours and nice things for them to make them feel good / special.

well ive finally got to the point where im sick of doing all this but getting nothing in return - well when i say nothing i mean i havent had anyone specifically stand up and tell the world that im the 'Worlds Nicest Person' or the 'Worlds Bestest Friend' - you know... wheres my 'Friends Day'

lmao - i know thats all very narcissistic and over the top and i realised today that ive been making my friends surrogates for the child im desparate for.
all these wonderful things i want to do for my child and all the love i want to give and all the love i want to recieve - ive been putting all that on my friends and then getting pissy with them for not returning it.

So today i realised I need to sort me out not my friends - i need to stop constantly putting my self out there so much to the point i feel drained with nothing in return.

this is not a bad reflection on my friends - we are all at that point where we all have mega busy lives and they all have those beautiful babys that deservedly get priority over me (of course they do - i would do the same if i could)
majority of the time they are great friends and very supportive and understanding to my sistuation.

i cant expect my friends to fill the void of being a mother without a child.

thank you for listening xxx


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## Bax (Feb 25, 2015)

to you Haydn.  I think we'e all been guilty of that to some extent - some of us are even nice people too  .  Go easy on yourself and start making decisons for you.  I hope you are pleasantly surpsised by some good karma coming back your way xx


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## LittleStampede (Jul 1, 2014)

Hi Haydan,

I think you have hit the nail on the head and summed up how a lot of us are feeling (well me, anyway!) I always try to do nice things for people - every friend that has a baby gets a fleece blanket with the baby's name on, every family member gets a homemade birthday cake, all presents are personal and with thought. Until I read your post, I thought that I was just being nice, but now I realise that I'm doing it to fill a void. Because that's what I want people to do for me. Especially with the baby blanket thing, I want people to do the same for my baby when it finally arrives (and I have to keep positive about it).

Thank you so much for posting xx


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## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

ah its nice to see its not just me  

thank you both for replying   xxx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

That was like reading how I fe completely. I'm glad it's not just me and your right time to think of us!


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