# Moving from IUI to AI with known donor



## smc81 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hi everyone
Following my MC last year I am currently exploring my next move.
This is my situation currently:
I have had 3 IUIs, the final one resulting in BFP but then MC.
I have one more vial from sperm donor from the US for another go of IUI.
After that I have been advised to do IVF which will mean finding a new donor, which is fine but the cost of IVF is a slight problem.
Last week after a bit of a heart to heart with a good male friend he offered to be my donor. I told him at the time I would love to take him up on it but for him to take some time to really think about it. I haven't approached the subject since, thought I'd leave him a couple of weeks. However, in the mean time I am exploring the option.  

I also have PCOS and don't always ovulate with clomid and menopur injections.
My main question is, does anyone know if I would be able to continue treatment with the hospital if I am doing DIY AI with my friend as a sperm donor? I am paying anyway so would have thought that they would just continue to do follicle tracking.
I have an appointment next week with the consultant anyway but have spent months now doing nothing and I am desperate to get back in to it.

Also, has anyone had any experience of doing AI at home? The thought of having 'unlimited' attempts has filled me with hope again after I was starting to feel like the situation was getting hopeless. I just have to keep my fingers crossed that my friend doesn't change his mind.

Any advice gratefully received.

S xx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I started off with so with my kd then we moved to the clinic for ivf. The clinic can't stop you but if you are using a know donor for treatment with them they may freeze and quarantine and make him have bloods text- which I am sure you would do before starting out. Also a sperm analysis is useful as don't forget at least a third of all men who offer to donate sperm have issues this was our case so we just wasted time . I found AI 's at home more stressful than clinic as you have to control everything LB surges, insensitive telling him, drawing up contracts etc.
L


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## aimless1 (Aug 14, 2010)

Hi SMC81 - my brand new baby is the result of AI at home.  I found it stressful in terms of getting the timing right  and then doing the AI itself was a bit strange (lying there with ebay bought kit, with legs stuck in air while reading instructions on various websites) but was worth it as worked on the second month's attempt. Certainly the reason I did it was the thought of being able to do the AI a few times over ovulation.  The successful month I used conceive plus gel and soft cups and like to think these helped too. Happy to go into detail if you pm me!  My known donor did all the screening tests beforehand.
I would advise being very clear and open with your male friend to make sure all expectations etc are set out and discussed.  Drawing up a contract is he best idea - even if its not legally binding it helps to keep  clarity. 
A x


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## Annaleah (May 14, 2008)

Hi SMC81 

Just sharing my own experience which may or may not be relevant ......I am using a KD and we're going through a clinic. We've had a KD agreement drawn up by our solicitor which has been incredibly helpful in terms of outlining our respective legal positions, our wishes and expectations currently and for the future as far as we're aware of them.  Even though not legally binding, I'm sure some weight would be given to it in the event of any future dispute or issue arising over finances, contact etc.  The main consideration for us would be the legal implications of doing AI at home or ttc naturally - in both scenarios the donor would be considered the 'legal father' of the child (with all the associated implications; I may be completely wrong, but I think this stands irrespective of whether he is named on the birth cert.).  This is not something which fits for us, so guided our decision to use a clinic. Quarantine periods are far less than they used to be with the advances in screening procedures and can vary from a few weeks to 3 months, where 6 months was the standard.  

I don't know what approach clinics would take but my gut feeling (based literally on my gut and no research whatsoever   ) is that they would ethically and medically be unable to monitor you for a cycle where they did not have any control over the viability or safety of sperm being used. 

The solicitors linked to the ff forum have a wealth of information on their respective websites and the HFEA has some really useful info for potential donors about the implications for them. 

Wishing you all the best in your journey


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

HI S
I tried all sorts of things, and you're welcome to PM me.
AI at home didn't work for me, mostly I believe since I may have been off with the timing, so in the end I resorted to IVF as an egg sharer (you could do this too as you're under 36), as I wanted the reassurance that there was clinical support and an actual embryo to transfer.
The clinic were fine with me using a known donor as long as he had parental responsibility, they called us a 'non-sexual couple'. We went for the counselling session together and the counsellor strongly recommended he get something in writing (a co-parenting agreement) to assure him access to the child, but he decided against doing that in the end.
It depends if your friend will want contact/shared custody, so it would be useful for both of you to have an agreement in writing.

For donors with no parental responsibility, the 6 month quarantine on his sperm applies.
Best of luck! xx


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## smc81 (Oct 26, 2011)

Thanks ladies, 
That's really really helpful. I was at the clinic today getting my follow up appt with the consultant following my mc last year. I asked about using a known donor and whether or not they would continue to treat me if I was to do AI at home. He said that I would have to write to hospital outlining my situation and they would then make a decision at a meeting or something - to me it sounds like it will take too long. I need to get moving now!

Even though I have pcos I am quite in tune with my cycle now and I think I should be able to get the timing right - the question is whether or not I actually ovulate. I get pos opks so I am hopeful I do.

I know that without any meds I could ovulate around day 16-18, with clomid and menopur it is about day 12-14.

Here is my dilema - I started af yesterday and really want to give this cycle a go with AI and KD - he's all screened so we have that sorted. I have some clomid left over and am wondering whether to use it to help things along - it would be without follicle tracking though, and without an initial scan to check that all is as it should be (this would be my first since mc).
Part of me is saying don't use it, but the other is starting to get that desperate feeling again.
I'm usually so sensible but I think I know how my body reacts to clomid so maybe it would be ok.
If I am going to use it this month I need to take it tonight.
I just want as many chances as I can get, I've spent so much already and my friend offering to be my donor has finally given me hope again.
We have discussed everything and are both really happy with the arrangement so I am not at all worried on that side of things.

Any advice?

Thanks
S xx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

As a nurse I couldn't advocate anyone self medicating without informing your consultant. but try AI without drugs as  there is no harm. but I personally wouldn't take drugs that you have not cleared with your consultant. Clomid isn't without side effects and I always refuse to take it now. It can thin your lining and after a miscarriage that can be a problem.


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## Mel (Jan 1, 2002)

S

As JJ1 as pointed out and also as a nurse (and one who has worked in a fertility unit), I would advise you to NOT take Clomid without being monitored, you need to take advice from your consultant and let them know what your intentions are.

I wish you well but please do not take medication without your fertility unit/consultant knowing first and keeping an eye on you.

Kind Regards

Mel


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