# newbie overwhelmed 41-42



## Matilda Snowflake (Jul 5, 2016)

I'm so glad I found this website!!  For some time now I've been trying to find an active group that would help me mull over my situation and make some decisions.  

I'll turn 42 this year and have a 6 yr old who was conceived in the traditional way.  It was always clear to me that I wanted more children.  We broke up with his father soon after birth.  Since then I've been alone.  So I need sperm from somewhere.  That's the problem number one.  Or two if my age is number one.  I would try home insemination but don't trust a random donor from the street.  Scared of diseases and donor wanting to be in child's life.  I live in Scandinavia and I guess the donor would have some rights legally...if he wanted to get difficult...  (They also changed the fertility law here so that all sperm bank donors must be unanimous i.e. child has right to contact them when s/he turns 18.  So many donors dropped out after this.)  Anyway I couldn't get sperm from a sperm bank in my country.  They have a shortage and I'm a single parent wanting to try home insemination...Nope.  I could travel to Denmark and try home insemination in a hotel.

This brings us to my third problem.  My period has always been very irregular with long gaps.  So I have no idea when if ever I ovulate.  At least one time I have done (the proof is in bed now).  This obviously makes any kind of home insemination very difficult, unless I would have sperm readily available.  Which I can't figure out how.  Also since my natural cycle can be very long, sometimes half a year, it means I will quickly run out of time.

So this brings us to fertility treatments.  I did go to an initial meeting with a doc in a private clinic.  She said I could lose about 11 pounds to kickstart my hormones and then we could try IUI a couple of months after this initial meeting.  I guess I was partly surprised it was going to happen so soon as I had plans to lose a lot more weight (which takes a bit more time).  And also I got a bit scared when she said she doesn't recommend many IUIs before attempting IVF due to my age.  So I was ok leaving the clinic but when I read about IVF at home it hit me how huge medical process this is.  Or that's how it seems to me.  I'm so worried about messing with hormones, injections, hyper stimulation...  I don't know how to put it.  Half of the time I think it's gonna be ok, so many people do this, they wouldn't use public money (for younger women here too) on this if it was so dangerous and risky.  Then half the time I think it's a huge risk and I should be happy with the life I have now.  So I am utterly confused with my own thoughts and feelings, very indecisive.  Forgot to mention that after the initial visit to the clinic I slept over it and was due to come to the examination where they check if your tubes are open.  Before that, I contacted them and cancelled all the appointments we had booked and said I wouldn't go ahead with this.  The doctor had originally suspected PCO which would explain irregular periods.  (That's partly why I got so scared with hyper as it comes easier for those with PCO right?)  Anyway, after I had cancelled everything, I received lab results from the blood test they took.  The doctor commented only very briefly that the results are fine and don't show any obstacle for conception and are even very good for my age - she said the results are ready if I changed my mind and decided to come back.  Could you help me make sense of the results?  I've tried to find information from the net but perhaps someone here will right away see something in them: AMH 5.2, FSH 6.3, LH 9.1, PRL 161, TSH 1.7, T4V 13 .  These were taken 3 days after the start of my period.  Anything at all that comes to mind - please say.  I don't know if same scales are used in the UK.  Looking at these, I don't think I have PCO - what do you think?  So what could be the reason for irregular periods?

I don't know what to do...  At the clinic the only options for me are IUI and IVF.  I think that in my country they put in only one embryo.  And I think I can only use my own eggs, but not sure about that.  So, how likely is it to get pregnant? 

Sorry this is so confused and I rattle on.  Hoping someone will comment!!  That would really help me clarify my thoughts.

Right now I'm focusing on losing weight (almost 14 pounds gone in the first month) eating healthily according to nutritional guidelines, enough fiber and veg and everything. (Found a wonderful website to track this - has really helped.)  My bmi is now 34 (it was 36 when I visited clinic and was 30 when I became pregnant last time).  My dream is to be normal weight and then start treatments.  Meanwhile I could try home inseminations if I just found a way.  (Would that be a total waste of time?)  I have ordered ovulation test strips for the first time in my life and once I get them am planning to measure twice a day.  My cycle is so crazy that maybe this helps, but will be a long way.  Also have started noting down morning temperature.  Perhaps this data will help the doctor too?  Although I'm pretty sure she'd have to use meds to make me ovulate and get regular, so maybe that is useless too.  Mainly I'm doing it because I am so confused and disillusioned believing that I could still conceive using something close to natural.  Another side of me is worried that I will run out of time...

any thoughts, advice, comments..?  Thanks for reading!


----------



## Matilda Snowflake (Jul 5, 2016)

"...donors must be unanimous..." non-anonymous was the word I was looking for


----------



## AngelJ (Jan 19, 2016)

Hi,

I found this post - which gives more info than the other post which I just replied to.  It looks like you have a lot to think through.  Its difficult to give any advice because your situation is so very different to mine, especially if you plan to have treatment in your home country.  (Except the wanting to loose weight!  I can relate to this!).  I wish you all the best.


----------



## CurlyBob75 (May 13, 2016)

Hi Matilda Snowflake,

It's a bit late in the day to post the response to you but I've just come across it. 

I just wanted to send you a note and say it's ok to be confused and overwhelmed by everything happening around you and it must feel like you are being bombarded with information. I've been doing IVF for 4 years now, no children and 41. I've tried lots of ways to approach a difficult journey but one thing that has helped is, to get as much information as possible and if people can offer tests to help understand what is going on, which may lead to a better result to produce the baby we so desperately want, then that is a good thing. 

Your AMH is really positive and your FSH great! To give you an idea, some IVF clinics won't treat you if this is over 13 and there are also lots of women out there battling and getting pregnant with AMH results a lot lower than yours  We like wins!

As for the PCOS - If it was me, I'd like to know for sure and do the tests but that's me - only you can decided. It's not something I believe you can know 100% from blood tests and I certainly wouldn't have a clue from looking at yours but I can tell you that one of my best friends in Australia was diagnosed with PCOS and they managed her IVF cycle accordingly. She did not have hyper, just great results - the important thing is to be with a clinic who has a track record in treating women over 40s with that condition so they can get all the lovely eggs that are bursting to get out but...only valuable if you have it PCOS. 

You are going great with the weight loss - congratulations!!! Perhaps give yourself a little time to process but if you have questions, I recommend going back to specialists who can give you answers (as you've got great questions) and don't be afraid to go for a second opinion - may help to get that consistency of information and comfort with the next steps you decided. You are assessing them as much as they are qualifying you. Hope this helps!

Good Luck!!!


----------



## Matilda Snowflake (Jul 5, 2016)

Thanks for replying!  I haven't been back on this forum for a while.  In fact, in the past few weeks I've been leaning towards not going ahead with any treatment.  But I think once I reach normal weight I will have another peak of wanting to go ahead.  A few weeks ago I almost called a clinic who were looking for patients for a trial which sounded like something I had read about elsewhere.  It was especially for over 38 and to minimize risk of OHSS.  I think it was the one where they first use meds and collect eggs, then no meds so that body recovers and then (frozen) transplant.  I don't know, but I think it could be that one.  Anyway, I nearly phoned them and nearly phoned them the next day...  In the end I just accepted the fact that something was stopping me.  I'm strangely convinced that if I go ahead with any treatment bad things will happen to me.  It's like I'm tempting fate...I already have one beautiful child why be greedy??  But I am greedy!    That's one thing I do know - a baby would be welcome and it makes me extremely sad to think I might not get that.  I almost want it more that anything in the world...but then I could not take the risk as I have a lovely child who needs me.  If something happened to me, you know.  I read something about women with PCOS or in some other way who produce lost of eggs in treatment being at a heightened risk of getting ovarian cancer in the following three years.  The risk was not very high but it was there.  The explanation was that, their bodies will have to repair so much tissue/cells that there are likely to be genetic errors.  Sorry, not very scientific my eplanation here...but it makes sense to me.    So...that made me worried too...    I feel like my journey with possible IVF is not over yet, I will definitely face a day when I start making final decisions about it.  But it is not nice to find oneself in this situation.  I want another child so, so much.  I could cry about it every day.  But I don't see IVF as any easy way either.  Also the stats/percentages reaching live births are so minuscule.    Not an easy decision at all.  The only piece of good news I have, is that my weight loss project has continued going strong and is now  a natural part of my life.  I've lost nearly 2 stones already.  Today when I went to pick up my child, another child in the nursery school asked me "are you expecting a baby".  I wish!!!


----------

