# IUI With Vaginismus Part 20



## Candy (Mar 8, 2004)

New home ladies, hope you all had fab christmas's


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Everyone

Sounds like everyone has had a nice Christmas! 

Claire - I am just over the moon for you. That is amazing progress!

Polly - Great news about the phone interview. I'm sure you'll dazzle them!

Donna - Wish I could have some of your cleaning energy. I''ve been home all afternoon and had a list of chores to do. It's nearly 6pm and I've done not one thing.

Emma - Sounds like a rather cosy Xmas. It won't be long hun, hang on in there!

Well, my Christmas.....  sort of a mixed one. I didn't want to say anything until after the big day but DH & I have had some potentially devestating news. It has been discovered that my FIL has a tumour in his bowel. At this time we don't know if it's cancerous or not. He's going into hospital on Thursday afternoon and will be operated on on Friday. We should be told within two weeks after that whether it is cancer or not. 

Having only lost my own Dad to cancer recently this has brought back alot of painful memories for me. Fears, emotions and feelings I thought I'd never feel again are back. He's under the same Consultant, same Nurses, same Councillor and it's all incredibly eerie. I thought things were finally going well for me and my family. We've had more than our fair share in the last 3 years. I didn't see this one coming 

So, I may not be around much over the next week or so. I'll check in when I can but maybe just to read how you all are. I don't want to come on here with not much to speak of but sad content. 

Bye for now xxx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Evening all,

Annie - I am so dreadfully sorry to hear your news.  What an awful thing for you and your family to be going through, especially after going through it all with your father. Did the news come completely out of the blue? How are dhand his parents coping? 
My heart really goes out to you, Annie. I know you'll assume the worst, but there is a chance that it will turn out not to be cancerous. Try and stay calm, if you can, for the sake of your little person.

Claire - what a _fabulous_ achievement. I knew you'd get there soon.    I'm sure you'll be at porn star level in no time with a bit (maybe a lot?) of practice.  I'm so pleased for you.

Polly - well done on the potential phone interview. Is that for the consultancy thing? I hope you're still enjoying the sunshine. It is soooooo cold here. I think there is  in your part of the world, but not a single flake has fallen here.

Donna - I've been on a mad cleaning frenzy today too. MIL has gone away for a couple of days and dh and I have blitzed the place.

Take care everyone,
Emma, xxxxxxx


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi all

Donna or Emma, now you've cleaned your house, do you want to pop round mine?  It's in bad need of hoovering!  

Discussed last night's progress with bf and we're going to try missionary next, probably in a few days time so I have a chance to recover!  I keep thinking to myself "I can't believe we've done it" over and over.  

We did start to talk about bms but obviously I expect a ring on my finger first and need to wait to be asked!   (none of this modern woman stuff for me!)  I'm not sure I'm ready now that I could in theory (not that I'm getting big headed over one success of course as I know I have some work to do) but I change my mind daily on timings for family etc ... 

Annie, I've known lots of 'scares' (including one for myself) so there is always lots of hope.  How are you?  My best wishes are with you.

Lots of lovely snow here, which is nice as I don't have to go to work this week.  

Claire x


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

God I feel Like $hit now! Annie I am so sorry to hear your news especially after me going on about how naf my xmas was and feeling very sorry for myself!

Please come on here and say whatever you want to or are thinking and feeling, there is not a lot we can do but be here for you and listen so we will all do that whenever we can! I think you have my mobile number to? if not PM and I'll give it to you if you want it that is

 to you and DH

Donna xx


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## Candy (Mar 8, 2004)

Annie, thinking of you and your family at this emotional and difficult time, praying that your fil makes a full recovery and its not cancerous x

Not sure if any of you have seen this but would someone take a look @ http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,44758.0.html for me thanks Cx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Thank-You so much guys, I never doubted for a second that you wouldn't be here for me.

Emma - DH's Dad had been experiencing pain in his tummy for a few months. His Dr sent him off for tests straight away and they were thinking the usual kidney stones or similar. The last test he had was a barium and a CBT last week and that is when they confirmed it's a tumour.

He's in very good spirits about it all and quite positive. Journey begins again tomorrow. Praying for a better outcome this time!

He's still looking forward to my scan next week and even tried weedling the sex of the baby out of us! Maybe if he's up to it they'll wheel him down so he can have a look - I'll ask the Nurses.

P.S - You all need to let me know if you want to know the sex or have a surprise. I'll PM anyone who would like to know. You'll be the only people that I tell!!!!


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Afternoon everyone,

Thanks Candy, I hadn't seen it I've replied to her now.

I'll be thinking of you tommorrow Annie, what a mixed bag of emotions it will be.

For now I am thinking I don't want to know the sex but don't be surprised if I change my mind and really want to know. I think your be having a boy though! so we'll see.

Emma when is your next scan? are you finding out the sex?

must go Freya is screaming!

Donna xx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello,

Annie - how are you doing today? I'll be thinking of you and your family tomorrow and keeping everything crossed for you. xxxxxx
I for one would *love * to know the sex of your little one.

Donna - I hope you're enjoying your time off work and haven't done too much cleaning today.
My scan is next Tuesday. I too will be finding out the sex and the suspense is killing me. I've started to look really quite large over the last few days (must be all those chocolates I've been eating).

Claire - it sounds like 2006 is going to be a big year for you. I'm delighted that everything is working out for you. You certainly deserve if after all your hard work with the dilators etc.

Polly - I wonder when you are back with us?

We've had a bit of a worry with GIL today . She had a nasty fall a couple of days ago and is very bruised and today looks very unwell, but refuses to see a doctor or come here for a few days (she only lives up the road though). We're keeping an eye on her but feel a bit helpless really.

Emma, xxxxx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi All,

Emma I do hope your GIL is ok.

God I think I will have to know the sex of your babies! I wont be able to be the only one not knowing! I do think though that one of you will have a boy and the other a girl. Annie for the boy and Emma the girl, I have no idea why just a feeling.

No time for cleaning had baby freya since 7am and she's been a little unsettled today. I love having her and although I enjoy it very much it does make me feel a little sad   and probably doesn't help my state of mind.
I emailed LA today as we still haven't heard back from them and I am getting inpaitiant!

Think Polly is back on friday but I think I remember her saying she was with family over new year so not back till the 3rd but I could have imagined that  

Donna xx


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi girls,

I hope you don't mind if I butt in here but I could really use some advice and support.  

I think that I may suffer from vag although penetration is possible.    We have been ttc for about 9 mths- (not long I know) but when sex is uncomfortable and you are told to do it as much as possible at the 'right' times it gets kinda frustrating!!

Since coming off the pill my periods have been really irregular aswell and Im not sure I ovulate every month (have been using opks, costing me a fortune!). I s/t put it down to stress but it is becoming a viscious circle. long cycle= worry= long cycle = worry...etc..
Because of my 'condition' timed intercourse is vital hence my obsession with the opk.

I havent been diagnosed with vaginismus but the more I read about it the more I think I suffer from it.  I have a private appointment with a consultant next tues,my GP referred me as I am concerned about the irregular cycles and I will mention the painful sex to her then.  This is really starting to get me down  as I thought I 'only' had a prob with ovulation and now it seems to be more...

If private IUI is an option, does anyone know how long the wait is? where do you go for this treatment?

As I said before, penetration IS possible but uncomfortable and I know that it should be more pleasurable than it is now. Sex at the minute is just about baby making and it is putting pressure on us both. 

Im so sorry for the rant but I just dont know who to talk to about this stuff.

thx for listening,
dd x


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi Everyone,

Deedee - you sound in a similar position to myself so here's my story:

Dh and I tried to have sex (he was DP then) but I found it painful! I was 17 at the time and according to all my friends your 'first time' is always painful, So I assumed the pain was normal and that I would have to grin (or in my case bite a pillow) and bare it and that it would get better in time! It didn't get any better and infact got worse, I think this is what led to my vag although I'm not sure   It then turned psychological because I always thought of the pain then became unable to have sex - my body or my head just wouldn't let me! Dh and I carried on satisfying each other and tried not to let it bother us, which of course it did! it put a massive strain on our relatioship! 
I was on the pill and at a routine check up at the family planning clinic they asked me about a smear, this is when I confessed to them that I hadn't actually ever had sex, it was so hard to tell them and I felt so ashamed. They were really good about it and put me in touch with a psychosexual councellor, I found the sessions we had really useful and we made a lot of progression but still never managed full sex! (I can tell you more about the sesions if you want to know) By this time the starin on the relatioship was too much and we split for 3 months! when we got back together we decided not to to put so much focus on sex! we could still satisfy each other so what was the big deal! A year later we got married (4 years since the the whole saga started) we deiced we wanted a family! bit of a problem when you cant have penetration! so we deicded to use a turkey baster, because it is quite thin I could just about manage to insert it! we tried this for 10 months but I never managed to get pregnant! so we went back to the family planning clinic where a doc there agreed to put DH's sperm directly on my cervix! this was painful as it was like have a smear done and I found the spectulum very painful, we tried this for 3 months and again I didn't manage to get pregnant so the doc refered me to GUYS hospital in london to be seen by someone there. At the same time my GP and refered me to my local hospital to be seen by a gynae for the vag, the lady I saw was very nice and very supportive she gave me some dilators to work with which again helped loads but still I couldn't manage full sex I think by this time I was eaten up by wanting a child my mind wasn't really on overcoming vag. If we weren't ttc then I think the dilators would have been more effective. (again I can tell you more about those if you want)
We saw the doc at GUYS and although she understood why I wanted fertility treatment the LA states that you have to be 25 to be on the NHS list and I was only 22, anyway she pleaded my case and i was allowed on the list. The list was still 18months long so we deiceded to have private treatment at Guys. We had already had tests done on DH's sperm and I had blood tests to check I was ovulating etc and they didn't seem to think I would have any problems with my tubes seeing as I was so young and had no sexual partners (it was unlikely I would have had any infection)
In feb this year we had our first unmedicated cycle of IUI and it was negavtive! In march we had our second cycle which was again negative! the second cycle hit us hard, although we know the statistics of it working we thought that as we had no other problems  other then getting the sperm in teh right place and because of my age I would get pregnant quickly! that wasn't so! After our second failed cycle we decided to try sex again, IUI was costsing us money and was hurting just as much as sex! so the way I saw it why didn't I just let DH hurt me for free! if you get what I mean?! well it worked and for the first time we were having sex, it was still painfull, uncomfortable and awkward but seemed to get a litlle better each time so we started ttc naturaly. We tried this for 6 months until we have had to say enough is enough for us for now! we are only having sex for a baby and that is causing a strain in the relatioship, we have never had sex just for us, like 'normal couples' and ttc has taken over our lives! sex is still a 'core' as it is painful and thats nit what I want it to be like! We have decided to adopt a child that way we fulfil our dream of being a mummy and daddy and can get back to basics and work on sex just for us. then who knows maybe our second child will be conceived naturally or maybe we will need more IUI but we will be more emotionally ready for it if we've had a break from it. We have to have a break from ttc before it tears us apart but it wont stop us wanting to be a family thats why we have decided to adopt.
I have no idea if my rambelings make sence or even answer any of your questions but I hope it as been helpful.

Where abouts do you live?
Private IUI would def be an option for you and even IUI on NHS, look into into it if its what you want. but it sounds like you nearly there with overcoming vag so I'd look into some councelling for that to cause then maybe you wont need IUI.
Do you have any ideas what triggered your vag?

Annie -  hows FIL?
            How was scan? did you find out sex?

HI - Emma and claire

Donna xx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Everyone!


Deedee - Welcome to the Vag Team! I also suffer/suffered from irregular cycles. Mine would range from 35 days up to 100!!! The Consultant put me on a drug called Clomid and that regulated them massively. Then I just had the vag issue to deal with. At the time though I didn't realise DH wasn't "in" Sounds daft I know and it's still a bit embarasing   Anyway with the help of Emma, Donna & Polly I managed proper intercourse in the end. 
It's quite possible that the Dr you see might prescibe something like Clomid. 
When you say sex is incomfortable - is it a bit painful inserting your partner/hubbie? or is it when you get moving? Are you making sure your body is really ready before you try inserting? I only say that because looking back now I was never excited enough before giving it a go. Maybe it's a case of having to work on foreplay a bit more? We'll certainly do all we can to help!

Donna - I'm wondering if having baby Freya is very much a good thing for you. Almost a bit of preperation as to what adoption will be like. In so much as having a baby around and loving it, caring for it just like your own?
Try and look at the positive of having her with you. There's a little person there who you have a very special relationship with and who will love you very much - forever!

Emma - Hope GIL is alright. Sounds like you're doing all you can for her by keeping a close watch. Instinct will tell you if you need to take any different action.

Claire/Polly - Hi!!!

Sorry if I confused you all. It was the Madwife today and scan is on Wednesday. Everything was alright when I saw her today. I was worried I wasn't growing as I'm still rather small, but I'm fine. Seems my height has an added advantage of providing more room for little person to hide! I also told her I was feeling overly tired at the moment when I should be feeling great. Could be that I've been living exclusively on junk food and rubbish over Xmas! She's going to take my blood next time I go to see of I'm aneamic
DH came along today and we taped the baby's heartbeat on our mobiles!

FIL was admitted this afternoon. Surgery is tomorrow morning. I'll check in over the weekend and give you an update.

Ciao for now xxx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi,

Hoping FIL is ok Annie.

Emma how is GIL?

Went to doc's today and I am back on the pill 
Doc I saw really upset me she had no time for me or how I am feeling and just didn't understand or care.
Had a really good cry after and feel a little better but its time to realise nobody understands and everyone as there own life to deal with so I'm on my own!
show who your friends are doesn't it! I'm there for all my friends no matter what, but do I get the same back do I heck! 

can't take this anymore, stared at a bottle of pills for ages but just didn't have the strength to do it!

Donna xx


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Thx Donna and Annie for your support,

Annie- Congratulations!!!! I hope you and your wee bump are doing ok. You must have been absolutley over the moon when you saw that BFP!! 

Donna- our stories are very similar, thanks for sharing yours with me xx I live in N.Ireland and am 30. 
Does my GP/consultant have to do anything to confirm that I have vag? 
Because penetration IS possible and we have only been ttc for 9 mths I am so scared she will tell me to go away and "just keep trying" 

I have no idea what triggered the vag but I first became aware when I couldnt insert tampons. I went through boxes of them and spent hours trying to get the damn things in!! I realised that if I couldnt insert tampons then nothing else would go in and i suppose psychologically I feared  penetration as I associated that with pain and discomfort.
I dreaded my first smear test and it was really uncomfortable and they still are.

I met my now husband when I was 22 (there had been no penetration b4 that) and it was while we were together that I mastered the tampon thing- hoorah! (I felt like I deserved a medal) I told him about my prob and he couldnt have been better- v understanding, he never pressurised or rushed me. After a lot of trying we finally mastered penetration just by perservering and taking things VERY slow-We dont know the meaning of a quick 'bonk' 

I found that I have to be VERY relaxed (lots of wine helps) and very aroused but the fear was always there that there would be pain or we just couldnt do it. KY did help but I read that you cant use that while ttc and it kills the sperm  

I think this has become such a problem because of the pressure of ttc. Because sex isnt spontaneous and is now planned and necessary there is pressure to 'perform' at the right time.  I do allow myself to get relaxed and in my head Im ready for penetration but its just like my body doesnt agree!! 

Annie- there is some discomfort inserting but that does ease somewhat. Moving a lot causes discomfort aswell so its missionary position or nothing at all! I can reach 'o' (tmi?)
Did you conceive naturally or with IUI?

well thats a bit about me, theres lots more Ive probably left out but rather than bore u all now, Ill save for another time.  It'll be good to have buddies to share my ups and downs with. Hope to get to know you all a bit more and find out more about your stories.

I have got appointment with consultant next tuesday and Im counting the days. Ill definately let you all know how it goes.

deedee xo


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Donna,

Just saw your message after I posted mine. I am so sorry about the way you were treated, some people are so insensitive it makes me cross . Remember-  YOU ARE NOT ON YOUR OWN. If you ever want to moan/ rant/ cry I am here (albeit in cyberspace) but I AM HERE and I DO UNDERSTAND!! I have been feeling that low too lately but simply finding this website has made such a difference.

Can I ask why you are back on the pill?

dd xo


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

OMG Donna! - Don't you ever consider doing anything like that. How do you think your DH would feel?, your family, your friends, your fertility friends?

We *do* understand honey and we are 100% here for you. The last thing you are is alone. O.K, so we might not be in the exact same boat as you but that doesn't mean we can't relate. You've never had irregular cycles, but you supported me. We've never had to have corrective surgery down there, but we still supported Polly. Can you see matey, we don't have to be carbon copies of one another to be good for each other. We are joined together because we have the same ultimate problem - having S.

Unfortunately there are going to be times when people we come across on this jouney don't "get it". But when that happens you just need to come on here and tell us about their ignorance so we can tut at them and make fun of their stupidity! We can't throw the towel in everytime some eejit rolls their eyes at us. We have to get out there and show them we're right!

Come on now. Dry your eyes and take a big deep breath. Say out loud 5 times - I AM NOT ALONE.... because we are all here for you.


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi everyone,

Finnaly managed to drag myself out of bed  and so glad I did Social worker phoned and we have interview at 4pm 20th Jan! I am so excited! its amazing our one phone call can completly change your mood! I feel like celebrating!

So sorry for my rants yesterday, I would never do anything so silly. DH has made me swear that I wont otherwise he'll lock all the pills away. But I know I wouldn't because I don't want to die and if I took anything I couldn't garauntee that not happening.
Its carzy I just feel so out of control and that friends and family don't care or understand how I feel.
I am trying to get my head round not being pregnant and even though that is only for now - there is no reason we know of that I wont be in the future I need to get it our of my head, I need to deal with it and move on then if it happens in the future it will be a surpirse rather than an expectation. If a plan that in x number of years we will ttc and I'll fall pregnant than I am setting myself up for a fall if it doesn't happen - does all this make sense?

Deedee -  I am so glad I helped by sharing my story, feel free to ask anything a lomg the way! oh and so you know anything can be asked or talked about on here nothing is a taboo subject, eh girls! you may also want to read through old posts.
I am going back on the pill because we have decided to adopt, also ttc each month is causing me to be depressed (hence message yesterday) and I need it to stop. If I am on the pill DH and I can start having sex just 'for us' without the pressure of getting pregnant. And I wont have the build up and let down of 2ww. My period will come and go and hopefully wotn bother me, make sense?
I feel I have to go back on teh pill for my mental health.

Donna xx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello again,

Donna - it sounds like that phonecall came just at the right time. How exciting! You _should_ go and celebrate and enjoy this. I reckon they must think very highly of you to phone over Christmas and see you so soon. I bet the 20th seems like a long long time to wait though.
Was it your new GP who upset you so much? If so, I'd change to another one who understands you (or, at least, doesn't upset you). How dare she 
Please, please promise you won't do anything with the pills. You are not on your own, Donna. We are all here for you at any time, and back in the real world dh and your family love you so much.

Annie - I hope everything goes (went) well with FIL today. It must be a very anxious time for you all. 
I'm glad that you and the little person are OK. I'm sure you'll get big in no time. I'm starting to look pg, but it must show more because I'm so short. I've started to lose my sense of balance (which wasn't so great in the first place) and keep wobbling over. I did laugh at you and dh and your mobiles. 

Deedee - hello again. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. It really helps to know that there are other people out there who are going through the same thing. I think it is still vag if you find sex difficult rather than impossible - they're just degrees of the same thing. Your dh sounds lovely.
My story is as follows. I met dh 12 years ago at uni, aged 21. I had only had one bf before that and hadn't actually attempted sex with him (we'd planned to one weekend and then he dumped me the day before). I'd tried tampons too with no success as a teenages, but didn't think anything of it. Shortly after dh and I got together we attempted sex and couldn't get 'it' in for the life of us. There were a few more unsuccessful attempts soon afterwards and then every once in a while we'd try again; it wouldn't work and I'd get upset, and dh would stop trying because he didn't want to hurt or upset me. It became something we just didn't talk about and pretended wasn't important. 
We got married 8 years ago. We always wanted children and hoped that he problem would magically resolve itself, but over time realised that it wouldn't. I think for me getting to 30 was a big wake-up call. I realised that I didn't have all the time in the world for ttc. I went to one GP in London with some irrelevant complaint to test them out and see if I could dare to talk about this problem. They were so offhand that I lost my nerve. Then we moved to Herts and I changed doctors. The new one was supposedly an expert in gynaecological matters so I decided to try again. I have never been so nervous or embarrassed in my whole life. She was absolutely lovely and told me that it was vag, and that I wasn't the only freak in the world with this. She referred me to a psychosexual counsellor and to a fabulous gynaecologist. He did a laparoscopy to check that there were no blockages (and to assess my chances with ttc) and a vaginal dilation operation (stretching it all out a bit), and then worked with me to use the graduated dilators to stretch the muscles, over a period of several months. 
When I was able to manage the largest dilator (albeit with lot of lubricant) dh and I tried sex again. After a few deeply frustrating attempts we finally managed it, and a few attempts after that I even started enjoying it. I was very very fortunate to get pg on the 3rd or 4th month of ttc naturally. I was very lucky in having regular cycles. For a few months before this dh and I tried home insemination (he would do the business into a syringe and I would inject it, but that didn't work for us).
Once I was pg I felt horrible with morning sickness and tiredness almost immediately, so we didn't really do anything for about 12 weeks or so. Now that I am over that we have found sex quite difficult and painful again, but not impossible. It's not helped by us living in different places at the moment and staying with my MIL at weekends. In fact, we had a go this morning and couldn't manage it in the missionary position (which I find easier) because I've got too big (my poor old bump was getting squashed), so had to try with me on top. It worked but needs some practice. 

I'll stop wittering on about myself now,but please feel free to ask me anything.

Claire, Polly - hope you are OK.

GIL is a bit better, thank goodness, but won't be going out and about for a while.
I'm off to see my parents for the day tomorrow. Let's hope my mother behaves herself.

Take care everyone,
Emma, xxxx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi,

Yes I am very excited and it came at exactly the right time!

The worst thing about being depressed (if thats what I am ) is the ups and downs. I can be happy one minute then sobbing the next 

DH and I are going out tonight although we cant afford it but hay may aswell end the year with a bit more debt! 

I still have a lot to deal with and I am not suddenly over everything but hopefully satrting our new journey will help. DH had I haven't had full sex for 3 months now so I really need to get back to it - um maybe tonight after a drink or 3 

I really do appriciate all your support, I wont be seeing that doctor again. There are a few I can see at the surgery so I'll just avoid her!
It is difficult because everything for me includidng my vag is in my mind! there is no other reason, no physical reason and no abuse just me and my head! But I really hope to sort all that our next year!

Hopefully 2006 will be the year for all of us

Donna xx


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi girls,

Donna that is fantastic news- things are starting to happen for you, you must be so excited! Good things really do happen when you least expect it. Im glad you are feeling more like yourself again  Def go out and enjoy yourself- you deserve it!

Emma thanx for sharing your story and congrats on overcoming the vag and your pregnancy, looking forward to sharing the journey with you 

I went for a day 21 prog test today. It's a complete waste of time because my cycles are so 'up the left'. Im sure I havent ovulated because I've been using opk since day13 and my temp hasnt risen yet. I didnt know whether to wait because my cycles are longer than 28 days and then thought sod it, Im so sick of calculating times and dates. Im starting to confuse my cycle day with the actual date !!!!
Ended up waiting in surgery for ONE HOUR before I was seen and that was only because I went up to complain. Oh well, thats my rant over...


I feel so bad because 2 friends have recently announced they are pg (after 1st month ttc!!!!) and I am sorry to admit I have been avoiding them .  Although they are not close friends we would socialise together and have known each other since school. I am happy for them but I sometimes I have to stay away for my own sanity. I feel so guilty but am afraid I will starting crying or something stupid when Im around them(they dont know about my problems or that we are ttc)

At the minute all I feel like doing is vegging out at home with DH and my cat  while everyone else prepares to celebrate New Year. I really hate this time of year with a passion and cant wait until its all over. God, I must sound like a right morbid so and so!!

Anyone have any plans for the New Year?


dd xx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi everyone! 
      and welcome Deedee!!

Sorry to hear your bad news Annie, you know that you can talk about it here, and if you prefer to PM, you know I/we'll get back to you.  

Donna, you must really work on getting out of these moments of despair. What on earth would we do without you,for a start?   But you are on the way with seeing the psycologist soon, and your appointment with the social worker. And we are always here for you.  

Claire        . What a lovely Christmas surprise - WAY ahead of schedule!!!!

Emma - not long until you are in your new home, you're doing really well at grinning and bearing it, and I bet you are a really sweet DIL.

Deedee, thanks for sharing your story, and I can only repeat the encouragement of the others, but adding my own bit in, make sure that you are checked out physically, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. I was told for 2-3 years that I had a psychological problem when in fact it was a recurrence of a physical problem (a vaginal septum) that was first diagnosed at age 11. It doesn't matter whether it is "physical" or "psychological", what matters is getting the right treatment, and getting to the point where it is possible to have "good enough" sex. I don't really think that anyone has perfect sex all the time, so we here shouldn't beat ourselves up about it not being great sometimes. 

Anyway, that's enough from me tonight, got indoors about 5 and ready for a night in my OWN bed, before parents arrive tomorrow and take it away from me again for a week!

Oh, and when I opened my post, there was another invitation to interview next week!!! Fingers crossed.

Annie, hope you are ok. 

Love

Polly


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning Everyone!

Donna - So relieved to hear you back on the up again. I was worrying about you yesterday. 

That's fantastic news about your appointment with the Social Worker. What happens at this one? Is it a general chit chat about why you want to do it or is this where you start handing over all your personal information?

Polly - Welcome Home! Hope you had a fabulous Christmas break. Great news about the other interview - everything crossed for you.

Emma - Best of luck with your parents today! Hope you have an enjoyable time with them x

Claire -  

Deedee - It's always hard when friends are falling pregnant around you and seemingly with no difficulties. The way you are feeling is absolutely natural and you have no need to feel bad about it. We've all done it!  Personally for me, after a day of feeling sorry for myself I would get involved with my friends pregnancies and enjoy the ride with them, but that was my way of coping with it. Try and keep in mind that although they are pg, they're still the same person, the same friend and after a couple of months things will be back to pretty much the way they always were. I always used to panic about how them being pg would change things, but it never really has. 

Also, the shoe is now on the other foot for me. I've had one of my oldest friends cut me off since I became pg. She knew more than anyone the hell I went through in the last few years, not only trying to conceive but loosing my Dad too. I thought friends like her more than most would be over the moon for me and never begrudge me, but seems I was wrong. I have to say it's one of the most upsetting things to happen to you and over these last 3-4 years it just never crossed my mind what effect it might have on the person being shut out. 

Well, my update - FIL's surgery seems to have gone well. The Consultant told him he managed to remove all of the tumour. He recovered well from the anaesthetic and was rather chatty last night. He is on alot of pain relief right now - an epidual can you believe   but they hope to have him up and out of bed at some point today. He'll be in for at least a week to make sure he's healing probably inside. 7 - 10 days until we find out if what they found is cancerous or not.

I'm off to a house party tonight. Should be fairly tame and somewhere where I can find a nice cosy sofa to curl up on! I hate New Year as well Deedee. 

But.... HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!! Let 2006 make all our dreams come true - we deserve it!


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hello Everyone,

Welcome back Polly, we've missed you. Hope you had a nice hoilday?

Deedee its completely natural to feel odd around pregnant people. My brother and is now fiancee are having a baby in 2 weeks time! I am over the moon for them and I know teh baby will be my nephew but I cant help feeling jealous that I should have produced the forst grandchild! it isn't helped by the fact that my brother is 19 and had only been with is girlfriend for a few weeks when she fell pregnant! so it didn't takes months of trying! one of my firends is pregnant and it only took her 2 months of trying and I feel bitter about that too. so it is normal just have to try and not let it take over but it is very hard!
On the other hand my closest friend had a baby in october (baby freya) and although I was upset when she was pregnant the birth of freya hasn't been nearly as bad as I thought, I really thought it would etar me apart but it hasn't! I feel so much love for Freya! it is hard soemthimes though!

I too think New year is very over rated! Dh and I are going to my parents for a chinese and a few drinks!

Annie to answer your question when we see Social worker it will be a 2 hour interview  I don't really know much more than that. I think it is for them to find out more about us and for them to decided whether or not to proceed with us! very excited and nervous!

Went out last night and had a great time, we have decided to make sure we go out once a month from now on! to have more us time! 
However 'sex' was a no go I just couldn't bring myself to do it   I am worried i am back at the beginning with a mental block towards sex but DH assures me it will all be fine in time!

He thinks we have been having sex for a baby for so long I have just forgotten how to enjoy it, which makes sense I have been forcing myself at right times of the month for a while now!
anyway, he has put a ban on penetration for 3 months, we can do other stuff and get the enjoyment back without the fear and preassure of sex then when I feel ready work on sex again! so hope his theory works

Donna xx

ps great news about FIL annie, keeping everything crossed for him xx


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi all,

just want to say HAPPY NEW YEAR to my new buddies 

Now that  is over we can look forward to a new year with lots of   

Donna- I think your DH is right. Try not to plan when s will happen, just go with how you feel. Now that the pressure of ttc is off you can concentrate on sex for YOU. I think that is a big prob for me too. My vag has got worse now that we are ttc, because of the pressure and all that.

My friend is having a party tonight and the pg ladies are going. Im just so low at the mo that I cant face it so am crying off with flu ( not a complete lie as Im feeling a bit shivery!)

Take care everyone, til next year and may 2006 be the one for us ALL!!

dd


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Hope you all had a pleasant evening ringing in the new year. I got home at 2am! - not quite the quiet night I was hoping for, but I had a good time. Feeling incredibly tired today!

Donna - I think what DH has suggested is a really good idea. Start at the beginning and work your way back up to full sex. I'm sure that'll really help build your confidence back up and remind you how to enjoy it.
Social Worker interview sounds exciting and a little nerve wracking at the same time. I'm sure you'll amaze them!

Deedee - I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could go to the party last night. Understandable - it takes a bit of time to get your head around the news. It really won't be as bad as it seems. Deep breath and walk on into their company with a big smile. You'll feel relieved afterwards. Once you've got the first time out of the way, it's not as bad, honestly  

FIL Update - went to see him again last night. He'd been out of bed that day and was managing to sit up a bit more. He's still on a fair amount of pain killers, but once again he's looking really chirpy and not far from his normal self.

Right, I'm off for a bit of toast and jam and then going to figure out what to do with myself today.

Talk to you all later x


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello again and Happy New Year  to you all!  I'm sure that this will be a year of momentous changes for all of us. I too hate New Year's Eve, and the feeling that one ought to be having a wonderful time somewhere. I can't stay awake that late in any case. 

I am trying to be OTT cheerful today, and it is rather hard work. MIL hates January and February with a passion and gets very depressed indeed (it is the time of year when my FIL became very ill and she had to watch him die). I do understand, but it seems such a shame to write off 1/6th of the year forever more. Plus FIL would have hated her being like this and told her to snap out of it. Poor dh can't say anything without getting his head bitten off, and she has snapped at me a few times too. I am dreading the week ahead when dh goes back to work.

Annie - I'm so glad FIL's operation went well. It must be a good thing that they could remove it all?

Polly - it is lovely to have you back with us. Well done on the interview - is that 2 lined up now? You'll knock them dead, I'm sure. Good luck with your parents.

Donna - dh's approach to sex sounds like a good one. You'll manage it again when you are good and ready. 
I hope you had a lovely evening with your parents.
A two hour interview sounds very gruelling. Do they give you any idea about what kind of questions they'll ask?

Deedee - I felt that way about pg people when I was ttc (and especially before when even ttc seemed impossible). I avoided my SIL for ages when she announced numbers 2 and 3 and couldn't bring myself to congratulate her or be pleased for her. I feel quite ashamed of that now. Personally, I think it is better to see them and get the painful feelings over with early on (although you're definitely allowed a day or 2 avoiding them if that helps). I think one of my friends is going through the same thing with me, and I feel very sad about it - both losing her friendship and for upsetting her (she always claimed that she and her dh didn't want children, but I never believed her).

Claire - hope you're OK and things are still going well with bf.

My trip to see my parents actually went well. My MIL hugged me - all very strange as she has never done this before. Perhaps now we can put the past behind us and move on. 

Take care everyone,
Emma, xxxx


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi everyone

Sorry, sorry, this is the first chance I've had to get online on my dinosaur home pc since my last post.  I can't believe how long it's taken me to read all the posts!

Annie, glad FIL is doing well, I was really pleased to read about that.

Emma, how long now until you move?  (sorry if I missed that piece of info in the posts)

Donna, hope you're ok now, you sound a lot better.  Great news about the phone call from the social worker and the date on 20th Jan.  I have everything crossed that this works out brilliantly for you.

Polly, hope you enjoyed Tenerife!    Good luck with your interview(s)!

Deedee, sorry I have just seen your posts.  My story is that apart from a few disastrous fumbles, I have pretty much avoided sex (I'm 30 now).  I developed cervicitis (no cause identified) and when I did attempt sex with a horrible past bf it was pure agony.  Psychologically, it deteriorated even further from there and I avoided relationships and sex altogether.  However, as time passed I realised that I'd have to sort it out or wouldn't have the family that I want.  The physical symptoms were alleviated from the cervicitis but the slightest little bit of blood totally freaks me out eg from a speculum.  I've been using dilators with the support of the girls on here, who have been terrific, and bf and I attempted sex for the first time over Christmas - and it actually wasn't the disaster I thought it would be.  I also feel odd around pg people, and do avoid them mainly as I usually feel so torn up with jealousy and wish it was me.  Don't feel bad about it, I think it's perfectly normal.

Update!  We had another go this morning.  Actually, the plan was for last night but bf was verging on blind drunk and I wanted his full support    Anyway, this morning we managed missionary first then me on top.  It went ok, only some slight initial pain but after focusing on relaxing my muscles it went completely.  But he isn't coming.  I think he feels anxious about hurting me and I'm not sure what we do about this.   Any ideas?  Also, there was a bit of blood on the bed so I totally freaked and decided that this was terrible, I'd never be able to have normal sex ever, and rushed off to the bathroom to assess the damage.  Turned out that it was bf's small patch of eczema on his elbow bleeding slightly!  I could cheerfully have throttled him for putting me in such a state of panic.  

Happy New Year all!

Claire x


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Happy New year everyone (sorry can't work out how to do fancy writing or colours )

Annie you really must look after yourself  I am not saying you can never go out but make sure you rest well tommorrow before returning back to work. you can't burn the candle at both ends as my mother would say!

Polly well done on interviews by the way  don't think I mentioned it before, well done you!

Claire, your really worker on your porn star rating aren't you   twice in one day! good for you, I have to say though i did laugh at DH;s ezema.

Emma, could you take MIL out for days to try and cheer her up and take her mind off things? or even do something in FIL memory? not sure if they are good ideas or not  

Actually enjoyed last night without getting annoyed by Brothers girlfriend, I actually really like her but she is sometimes so childish and it wonds me up that she is like that and will be a mother in 2 weeks!
Told parents about meeting, dad seemed quite pleased but mum changed the subject!  I'm not sure she ment to though. I am going to have to talk to er but we have never had a great relationship so not sure.

My youngest brother got accepted to cambridge uni! providing he gets all a's in his A-levels. I am so proud, he will be doing a BA honors degree in accounts, or was in ecconomics? I forget now!

May 2006 bring us all we deserve and brings us all happiness! Annie and Emma just think your first children will be born this year! how exciting 
Emma is scan tuesday? and Annie your wednesday?

Donna xx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello again,

I hope you are all having a lovely bank holiday.

Donna - your ideas about MIL are good ones. I'm trying to distract her and keep her busy where possible. 
Congrats to your little brother - you must be very proud.
Colours are easy, by the way (they must be if I can manage it). You highlight the bit you want to be a different colour then go to the change colour box just above the smilies. 

Claire - it sounds like you are making great progress (apart from the eczema ). Don't worry about dh not coming. It'll be nerves and will pass as you get in more practice, I'm sure. My dh was coming too quickly when we first managed it. If you can just act like it is no big deal (which it isn't) so that it doesn't become a big issue.

Polly, Deedee - hope you are both well. 

Annie - Donna is right. You need to start taking things a bit easier. Any news on FIL.

Here, GIL has taken a turn for the worse. MIL has gone up there and they are waiting for a doctor to call round. 
Dh goes back to London today. I'm trying not to be too upset as I've had him here for 10 days and he'll be back soon.
My scan is tomorrow. I'm excited but also very scared too. I hope he/she has all the right limbs and organs in all the right places.

Emma, xxxx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi ladies,

I hope you are al enjoying the bank hoilday, before going back to work tommorrow   I really don't want to go! I'm dreading it but with no real reason, I just like being at home! I really wish I could afford to give up work!

Emma, It must be hard DH leaving you again but he will soon be back. Any news on finding your own house? I am hoping it wont be to long.
I am sure everything will be fine with little he or she tommorrow I can't wait to hear   Have you bought any baby bits yet?

Annie how are you doing? have you bought any bay things yet? have either of you thought of any names?

Polly I hope you enjoyed the new year?

I am ment to be doing college work today but cant get motivated to do it! DH thinks I should leave the course and although I do think he is right I am worried that If I do I will regret it! Course is free at the moment because I am under 25! so I f I stop doing it then want to do later on I would have to pay!
But on the other hand, If we get matched with a child quickly then I would be living work to be a full time mum before I had finished the course anyway (you have to be working full time to do it) so when its put like that I may as well stop now! 
But then what if I want to return to work? I just don't know what to do! DH thinks I should stop doing it as If I did return to work I would still have experience and not having a managment NVQ wouldn't go against me!
Oh I don't know what to do, I hate making decisions!
I also never give up on anything, and feel a bit of a cop out doing so!

What do you all think?

Anyway better going and do some planning for work  

Donna xx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hi Donna,

Only you can decide whether or not to continue with the college course. Go with your gut instinct. If you think that you might regret giving up why not carry on for as long as possible, until it really is necessary to give up.  A tough one. 

I hope work isn't as bad as you expect tomorrow. 

I haven't bought any baby things at all, as I was worried about tempting fate. Other people did give me stuff for Christmas, and all in pink, so I'm wondering if they know something that I don't.  If the scan goes well then I will start to think about these things. Dh and I can't agree on names at all, especially for boys. 

The doctor came out to see GIL and wanted to admit her to hospital but she refused to go. She has now come to stay here, so I'll be helping to look after her for as long as I am here. The poor thing can't manage stairs so is confined to upstairs for the moment. 
I'm hoping we can get a date for moving house out of the solicitor tomorrow, but I won't hold my breath.

Take care everyone,
Emma, xxxx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Everyone!

Well, Bank Holiday is nearly over and it's back to normal from tomorrow!

Emma - I am so excited about your scan tomorrow! What time is your appointment? Are you going to share your news with us if they tell you? I hope everything goes really well xxx

Sorry to hear about GIL. At least you can keep a better eye on her now she's with you. 

Fingers crossed that your Solicitor can give you some news tomorrow


Donna - Tough decision you've got there hun. I would say that if you've still got the motivation, then carry on with it for a bit longer. If it's all a bit too much with work and the adoption process, then call it a day. You know your own limits better than anyone.

Claire - Don't worry about your BF not coming. My DH had occassions when he didn't. We went through a phase where I had to get DH fairly excited before we could try penetration. Like Emma said, it will pass the more practice you get. 
Absolutely phenomenal that you're even having sex! - you should be so very proud of yourself. That's the quickest progress I've heard of on here.

Polly -  

Deedee - How are you doing?

FIL still doing well. Went to see him this morning and he was sat up in a chair. The Nurse said he's making a speedy recovery. Hopefully he'll be home at the weekend. Just waiting for the dreaded results.


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Evening everyone,

Emma, sorry to hear about GIL, I hope she does better now she has people to watch over her.

I have decided to stop the college course, I really want to do it but doing it means I have no spare time for anything else as its all taken up with work and doing the course. Now we are adopting I am going need all my energy for that, I think that has be no1 for me this year. I can't focus on career and a family at the sametime, something has to give.
Plus if I give up work I wont be able to finsh course so all this time will have been wasted.

I have to concentrate on getting myself fitting fit mentally and emotioanlly, I may regret it further down the line but in the short term the right thing to do is stop the course I am putting to much pressure on myself.

Started taking multi vits and minerals yesterday, evening primrose oil and a natracalm supplemet so hopefully they will help how I am feeling to  

DH and I are going to start doing sit ups together from tonight to  and will try to go swimming at the weekends.
we want more us time this year to, just to appriciate what we have 

Better go and cook dinner

Good luck for scan Emma, I'll be on in the eveing to see how it went  

Donna xx


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi girls,

Claire- as Emma said try not to make it a big issue as men are v sensitive about these things (more than we think!)

Emma- Im sure you must be so excited about the scan but so scared aswell. Let us know how it goes. Are you going to find out the sex?  Hope GIL is ok..  

Donna- Im dreading going back to work too.  Ive been off for ages and am starting to get bored and dont know what to do with myself. It'll be good to get back into a routine again I think, hard as it will be!!  You are right to give up the course. Do what feels right for you, and don't feel bad about giving up. Your health is the most important thing 

Anne- glad your FIL is doing ok. Fingers crossed the results are what we all want to hear 

We have got our appointment with the fertility consultant tomorrow morning and am v nervous. Does anyone know what happens at the first meeting
We are also thinking about moving house and have seen some nice houses close to where my parents live. (Am I mad!!!! )

Take care all,

DeeDee xoxo


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi all

Donna, I sympathise with the amount of time the course takes and the need to dig deep for motivation.  I did a 2 year work-related course and it was so draining at the time and took over my life outside work.  It was worth it but I didn't have the other things in my life like your adoption so it wasn't so much of a problem.  But you know what you can cope with, if you are just going through a bad patch due to Christmas and being busy and think you can pick up your motivation again then I'd say carry on for now but if you need to focus on the adoption and preparing yourself then so be it.  I've realised over time that family and relationships are far more important than any job or career.

Polly, good luck with the interviews, I think at least one is this week?  

Annie, how is FIL?  Sounds like he's on the road to recovery?

Emma, I think I've missed something, doh!   Has the house you were buying fallen through??  Serves me right for not getting on here much over Christmas.    Anyway great you're having another scan today.  If I didn't say so before, anyone who wants to reveal the sex of their baby, I'd love to know!  

BF - actually had a night to myself last night which was great.  He wants s all the time now and I'm having to tamper his enthusiasm!!    I was a bit sore after the twice-in-one-day spectacular and I'm obviously still not finding it easy with some pain on entry!!  I did some reading online about ejac problems and it does seem psychological as he can manage on his own.  Anyway, I'm so pleased we're even doing it that I'm not concerned at this point whether it's good or not, or whether he comes or not!    I'm sure it will be fine with time.  Am considering chucking the dilators in the bin - good or bad idea?    I hate the sight of them and want them out of the house.  I always think that what if something happened to me and my parents found them when they cleared out my house (morbid I know!).  Perhaps I'll need them again?

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning Everyone!

Just popped on to say hello and see if Emma had posted yet! -  Hurry up Emma. I am beyond excited!

Claire - If the dilators bother you that much, then bin them. Weren't you and BF having a bit of fun with them though? Entirely up to you hun! Whatever makes you happy and most comfortable!

Deedee - I have no idea what will happen at your appointment tomorrow, sorry   I'm sure Polly, Emma & Donna would be able to give you a fair idea. 
I'm sure there's nothing to worry about and when you leave you'll feel much better about which direction you're heading in. 
Best of luck and hurry back and let us know how you got on

Donna - Sounds like you've made the right choice about your college course. You know what your priorities are right now and where you want your energies to go to. 
Fab idea about swimming with DH at the weekends. And when the weather improves there'll be loads more things you can do together.


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Annie

Nah, we bought a vibrator for the fun part.  The dilators were always a clinical experience!  I'm just worried I'll re-need them and will have to buy new ones and get used to them!

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Oh Claire, ignore me. I had a moment of confusion between dilators and vibrators  

It might be worth holding on to the dilators a little bit longer. No idea why really, a just in case feeling. I mean you're doing amazingly well and seem to be well on your way with sex. No reason to hang on to them - I guess they've done the job.

I wonder if Emma kept hers after she had conquered sex?


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Annie

Hmm.  Thanks, I think then (unless anyone convinces me otherwise) I'll keep them for another month and see how 's' is going.  To be fair we're hardly swinging from the chandeliers yet and I still have some pain - I'm just trying to get ahead of myself but the thought of binning them is a terrific one!!!  I might even celebrate that day with some champagne!    Thanks for listening!

How's FIL?

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

He's making an excellent recovery from the surgery. I went to see him yesterday and his Nurse said he was doing exceptionally well. He'll still be in there until the weekend at least or until they see good signs that his bowel is back in good working order.

Results might be back this week, but I'm not sure.


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi

I'm just popping on to read, can't really concentrate on catching up properly with a full house!

Annie, glad that FIL is doing well. 

BTW, if you or Emma want to tell the sex of baby, I'd like to know too! But I'm curious...once you know yourself, why still keep it a secret? I'm not questioning your right to do so, but I wonder where that modern bit of etiquette came from, and why? Also, the 12 week rule of not saying that you are pg? Years ago, I knew someone who didn't tell until after they knew the baby wasn't "stoopid" (his words, not mine), and I guess the implication there was that they might have aborted if the baby had Downs, and therefore that was no one else's business. I can understand that (doesn't mean I would have the same views), but most things that go wrong aren't based on a parental decision, they just go wrong, and there can be no judgement about them. So while you are going through all the ms, and feeling rotten, there is this social embargo on telling anyone.

Anyway, these are a couple of issues for non-personal, non-judgemental discussion!  I think I wouldn't NOT tell people as soon (as if!) I was pg, I can't imagine keeping that to myself for 3 months!  

Love

Polly


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Polly

I have no idea why the modern etiquette exists either.  I think for me I wouldn't tell anyone until I got to 3 months (except on here) as I'd be terrified of it going wrong and putting family or people I saw most days in the position of having to feel awkward around me and having people say things that would remind me and lead to tears etc.  I think I'd also feel superstitious because the 3 month wait is something that most people do do.

But that's just me and I've never been pg so what do I know!!  I'm sure I'd be bursting at the seams to tell people too!

Claire x


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi all ,

I just drafted a long winded post only to accidentally delete it , so here I go again....

The appointment with the consultant went really well today, I feel v positive atm. She is a lovely lady and made us feel right at ease.  It turned out to be very straightforward. She asked a few questions about my history and cycles and our general health and then did an internal scan (not as uncomfortable as a smear, thank God).

It appears that I have (slight) PCOS ( I didnt know there were varying degrees of it!) This was a shock as I've never had painful periods or any of the other symptoms- only irregular cycles.
I must say it was weird looking at all my 'bits and pieces' on TV. Meanwhile, DH was just behind a curtain, twiddling his thumbs, poor thing didnt know where to look 

DH has to so a SA test next week and she wants to have a look at the blood test results that my GP did recently and then get me started on the dreaded Clomid  

I do feel relieved now that I know something is being done. All I have to worry about now is the vag. Hopefully I'll will be a bit more relaxed so S might be a bit easier now that I know what is causing me not to ovulate. Here's hoping anyway....

Hope you are all ok and sorry for theb ramble,

dd xxoo


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Well Polly, there's a question for the afternoon on my first day back at work  

OK - first of all, the telling of the sex question. For me personally I want to know what I'm having as I feel I'll be able to bond better with baby knowing if I'm talking to a girl or boy (crazy? - maybe!) Also I'm an impatient Madam and a rampant organiser. If I have an opportunity to colour co ordinate whilst awaiting the arrival, that's like winning the lottery for me.

I have chosen to keep it a secret from friends and family as I feel it'll be alot more exciting keeping them guessing and on the day it won't be a case of saying "it's here". It'll be "it's here and it's a ... and it's name is" 

I've had many friends tell everyone the sex and even the name they've chosen. It freaks me out a bit giving the baby a name before it's born and when the big day arrives everyone already knows the best bits!

I've only chosen to share the details with you guys as I will be bursting to tell someone and by telling you there is no risk of said family and friends finding out. Annie wins again!

This of course is all on the proviso that Ruddle Jnr is actually alright. As we speak I am feeling sick with nerves. At the 12 week scan I was sick at work in the morning and heaved all the way to the hospital. I am a little bit of a worry wort!

The 12 week issue seems to have stemmed from the fact that all the info you get given is, if a miscarriage is going to happen it is most likely to in the first 12 weeks. I had a friend this year who announced to one and all she was pg and sadly miscarried soon after. She then had to endure people approaching her and asking how the baby was, when it was due, how she was feeling and then having to tell them she had lost it. 

So I guess for some women and certainly for me it was a case of "she who shouts loudest falls hardest". I would have hated having to go through what my friend did. 

Plus it took me 12 weeks to believe I had actually managed it after all this time!

So that's my thoughts in a large nut shell. Back over to you Polly!


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello again,

Goodness! It has only been 24 hours since I last visited and there have been so many posts.

Annie - I'm so pleased to hear that FIL is making good progress. Will he be coming with you tomorrow? Try not to worry too much about tomorrow, and the very best of luck. I'm sure all will be well and you'll be on   afterwards.

Claire - you must do what you think is right about eh dilators. I've kept mine and grew quite fond of them. I keep them in a beautiful silver box and liked to take them out every once in a while to remind myself of the progress I'd made. In fact, I wish I hadn't put them into storage as I'd quite like to use them now to stretch things out a bit. Dh and I had 'S' a few times at the weekend (I suddenly came over all horny ) but it was much more painful than before, and hurt afterwards. Things still feel a bit odd down there today.
On the other hand, marking the end of the era by throwing them away and drinking champagne sounds fabulous.

Deedee - it sounds like things went well today. Did you mention vag?

Polly - hello. when are your interviews? How are things going with your parents?

Donna - I'm glad you came to a decision about the college course. You'll be superfit in no time with all that exercise and vitamin-taking. Exercise is very good for making you feel happier too - something todo with endorphins, I think.

Well, I had the scan today and baby daffodil is apparently a boy. I am so shocked, and I don't know why (dh is one of 3 boys and comes from a family where everyone has boys, so it shouldn't be a surprise). I am delighted though, and would have been equally delighted with a girl. He seems to have all the right bits and pieces and is apparently huge. There is no mistake with my dates, in terms of conceiving etc, but he is a couple of weeks bigger than normal. It'll be fun getting him out into the world, but there is plenty of time to worry about that. The scan took ages as he wouldn't lie in the right place despite much prodding. I had to jump around and lie upside down to get him to move.  It all seems more real now.

GIL is a bit better today, but won't be going anywhere for a while.

Claire, to answer your question, the house purchase hasn't fallen through but is taking forever. The solicitors on both sides shut down for 2 weeks over Xmas so nothing could happen. They start back tomorrow so I'll be on the phone hassling them first thing.

Got to go, MIL needs the PC.

Emma, xxxxx


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Emma- that is fantastic!!! a little( or should I say 'big') boy, you must be sooo excited. Wow, sounds like a wee wriggler too. Just think you are going to have a son!!! 

I didn't mention the vag today as I didn't want to tempt fate.  S is not impossible for us but uncomfortable and Im wondering is the stress of ttc and my irregular periods only making it worse. We thought we would give it another try now that my cycles will (hopefully) get sorted out on the clomid.  I just don't want to make it into a bigger deal than is and end up making the problem worse.

Do I make sense? I dont know, maybe I should have mentioned it, but I was just so happy about finally getting regulated that I didn't want to add a spanner to the works.

dd xo


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

WO WO WO       I am so excited after a lousey day at work that has really perked me up!

Deedee glad appoitnment went well, maybe mention vag at next appointment if you want to, then you can have some sexy dilators to   may help.

Claire I don't think you will need the dilators again but i'd keep them for your own piece of mind.

Annie, try not to worry all will be fine, cant wait to here your news tommorrow. hows FIL?

Emma hows GIL?

Hi polly when are yuour interviews?

Well, Tutor called me at work today and although I have written him a letter asking to be removed from teh course I haven't posted it et as still not 100% sure. He wont let me leave! he is coming out to see me in 2 weeks to convince me I can do it! he still wants me to go to study day on 14th, I'll listen to waht he has to say but think I am so behind I can't catch up! 

Donna xx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Aaaaaaaahhhhh Emma - that's fantastic! Wow - how exciting, a baby boy! I am so pleased that everything went well today. I was checking in every five minutes to see if you had posted. That was a bloomin long day! I'm so over the moon for you.

Deedee- Clomid really isn't that bad. I went on it for a year and the only side effect I ever had was hot flashes on one day, and usually only one of them. I didn't mention vag to my Dr either once it had registered that was the problem. I guess it was because I knew I would sort the problem out my own way and in my own time. I knew what I had to do, as I'm sure you do.
We'll get you through the "S" difficulties. We've all picked up alot of good hints and tips between us!

Well, I'm already pacing the house worrying about tomorrow. I shall try my best to chill out, but I won't be happy until they tell me everything is alright.

I will do my very best to post tomorrow night, but I'm meeting a friend for a massage and dinner! 

I'm so sure baby ruddle is a blue one too. I'd even out money on it! 

Anyhoo, night everyone xxx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Donna - sorry we crossed posts. See what your tutor has to say. He might have some practical ways of helping you catch up and then keep on top of the work. No harm in hearing him out I guess?

How come work was lousy today?

FIL still doing really well. Making a speedy recovery. Thank-You for asking


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello again,

Annie - I can't wait to hear if baby ruddle is a boy too. I'm sure it will all go well for you. Try not to lose sleep over it tonight.
I forgot to say earlier (and I don't want to give you more to wory about) but I had an allergic reaction to the clear jelly that they put on my stomach; I turned bright red all over - not a fetching look.   

Donna - what a dilemma when you'd just come to a decision about the course. I guess no harm wil come from listening to what he has to say. Its a shame you have to wait 2 weeks to talk to him though.

Deedee - it does make sense. As Annie so rightly says, if you know what the problem is you can deal with it without doctors if that approach suits you best. We'll definitely give you all the help and words of wisdom we can.

Emma, xxxx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Emma - Apologies, but as predicted I did not sleep well last night   I've been awake since 6am and now feel like absolute rubbish. 3.30 seems like a lifetime away  
Love your new tickers by the way!

Morning Everyone else - how are you all today?


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi all

Emma, wow, a boy!!     I'm so excited for you!!

Sorry to hear the house purchase is taking forever.  Aren't solicitors useless?!?  Bf and I were talking again last night about stepping up our search for another house, we just can't seem to find anything in the area that we want but maybe we need to focus.  Mind you, the criteria I in particular have is kind of strict.  But I know that if we continue to live on top of each other we will fall out so we need a bigger house so I can regain my space.  The plan is still to sell my house, buy a bigger house and rent his out.  Sounds complicated to me.    And now I've conquered the 's' (mostly) my new question is "Where is the ring..."    it's true what they say, us women are never happy.  As soon as we get one thing, we want something else!  

Annie, good luck this pm.  I'll be logging on first thing tomorrow to hear how it went!  Can't wait to hear if it's another little boy or a little girl.  

Hi Donna, if you're not 100% sure then it's definitely worth seeing what your tutor says.  I agree with Emma though, a wait of 2 weeks isn't so good.  Presumably that will put you further behind and make the decision more difficult?

Hi Polly / Deedee

Dilators - def going to wait a month and see how 's' pans out.  I'm still in a bit of disbelief that we've done it and I didn't split in two, I don't think I've accepted it.  We're trying again friday night, although I'm not sure planning ahead is a good idea!

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Claire - your house plans won't be as complicated as it seems right now. A friend of mine did the exact same thing. She moved in with her bf, rented her house out and now they're selling his to get a bigger one. I don't recall her mentioning having any trouble with the whole process. 

I'm so over the moon for you still that you've had some really successful goes at S. 

How do you see things progressing with your bf? Have you talked about getting married or any long term plans? How long have you been together now?

Sorry - spanish inquisition!


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Annie

Well, I see things progressing to marriage and babies and not too long in the future.  We do talk about it in a peripheral way but neither of us actually comes out and says the 'marriage' word.  A friend of mine is launching herself literally at this bloke and demanding marriage and babies and bf says he's surprised the bloke hasn't run a mile.  So I keep my mouth shut.  And so does he but he does hint and I do think it's what he wants but I'm not 100% sure.  So I don't say anything encouraging back.  And so on it goes.  

I have friends at work who thought I'd come back from the Christmas hols with a sparkler on my hand.  Another friend texted me new years day to ask if she needed to buy a hat.  Sigh.  

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Claire - It's all about planting the seeds of thought in a subtle way so it looks like they came up with it all by themselves. It took me a while but I ended being proposed to at sunset on a beach in Mexico. That's going back a few years now but I remember making comments on how romantic the place was, how they had a nice restaurant there where we could have a "special" dinner together and little things along those lines.

I'm sure you've got the skills to work some magic Claire!


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hey, at least you GOT a proposal!

Polly (who has no idea how she got married!)


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Afternoon Polly -


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Annie - I hope all went well today. The suspense is killing me   ?

Claire - why wait for him to ask? I proposed to my dh (mind you it was a leap year, and you might not want to wait that long). He had sort of proposed some time earlier (about 3 weeks after we started seeing each other), but I never took it very seriously and my proposal was about 3 years later.

I've spent much of today at the local hospital. GIL (or should that be GMIL) was rushed in with a blood clot in her leg (he leg and foot had started to turnblue), and then had to sit in a corridor for many hours. She finally got admitted to a holding bay kind of ward at 9.30 this evening, as there were no beds in a proper ward. Hopefully they'll find one fo her tomorrow. She is hanging on in there but things aren't looking too good at the moment.

I hope everyone else is OK,
Emma, xxxxxx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning Everyone!

Emma - I am so sorry to hear about GMIL. I shall keep everything crossed that the Dr's are able to stabalise her. Love and thoughts to you and your family xxx

Well, I shall keep you in suspense no longer.

I was 100% stunned when they told us we are having a little...... GIRL!!!!

I can't believe it. I was so sure I was having a boy. I've been looking at boys clothes, boys names, boys everything. I still don't think it's sunk in.

I am going to need some serious help from everybody with finding a girls name. I can't ask my "physical world friends" for their opinion anymore.

Main thing is she's alright. Seems to have all the right bits in the right places and the right size. Although the little Madam was trying desperately hard to hide in my pelvis. We were there about an hour in the end. They had me on my sides, head tilted, walking up and down stairs, eating chocolate - all sorts to get her to move. Got there in the end!

Next step - 3D scan! See who she really looks like!

Polly, Donna, Claire & Deedee - How are you all today?


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

A GIRL!!!    that's so exciting!!!!     I want a girl first, my favourite name is Elizabeth (after my mum) or Ella (but a friend of mine is pg and if it's a girl is going for Ella...).  Bf likes Catherine, I'm not convinced though.  Anyway, conversations like that are a little premature for us!!  But how exciting, you can go out and buy lots of lovely pink things (my favourite colour!).

Emma, I couldn't possibly propose, I just know the words wouldn't come out!  Anyway I have this romantic vision in mind!  (unrealistic as ever, I'm sure).  How is GMIL?

Annie, I'll try subtlety and see where that gets me.  I've never been much good at getting people to think something is there idea, I'm more of a sledgehammer approach!!

Hi Polly / Deedee, hope you're well.

Claire x


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Sorry, hi Donna, my key brain cells seem to have been wiped out with alcohol indulgence last night.    Hope you're well. x


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Good morning all,

Annie -     How wonderful! Shows how much we both knew - you were convinced that yours was a boy and I was convinced that mine was a girl. It really is a shock isn't it, in a lovely way of course. I'm still not sure that it has sunk in.
I'd only thought of girls' names (Eleanor, Elizabeth and Isobel were heading the list). 
Will you be having a pink nursery? 

I hope everyone else is OK. Claire - how's your head? 

Thank you all for your kind wishes for GMIL. She has survived the night (and we weren't convinced that she would), and is having lots of tests right now. There is a real danger that she'll lose a leg even if she gets through the next few days. Mind you my grandmother lost a leg in her 90s and managed a good few years after that.


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Annie that is fantastic news. You can stop looking at blue baby clothes now!!!

Names I like are Kate, Ellen, and especially Hannah- (that was my granny)

Claire- Im like you, I expect the man to do the proposing. Im a traditional girl at heart. But it doesnt stop you giving him a little help along the way.....

Emma- so sorry to hear about your GMIL. Thinking of you...xx

Hope everyone else is ok too !

Ive got a job interview this avo and I'm so not prepared- maybe thats the best way to be? Wish me luck girls!

Got my clomid yesterday to just waiting for AF to come to that I can get started. 
DH has got his SA next week and is starting to worry that s/t will be wrong. 

take care all,

DD xx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Afternoon Everyone!

Claire - Have you thought about asking your bf to see what his thoughts are about you guys getting married? Just so you know that he is going to ask you and it'll be in the next xxx weeks/months. At least then you'll know it is going to happen, it's just a matter of time. 

Emma - I shall definitely be having a pink nursery, well when I get a nursery to decorate anyway. We heard today that we've been given planning permission from the local council. Now we need to get a structural engineer in for the building regulations to go through, which means another 3-5 weeks! Looks like we won't be starting the work until March!. No way we'll be back in the house in time for when the baby arrives.

Keep us posted on GMIL

Deedee - Best of luck with the job interview this afternoon. I don't think anyone ever feels fully prepared!

Are you going to use an ovulation kit or try and time your ovulation somehow when you start clomid?

My DH worried too when he had his SA test - natural for any man Deedee. Just keep reassuring him.


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello again,

Deedee - I hope the interview went well. I'm sure all men worry about S/A. Don't take the results too seriously either. My dh got terrible results with the first one (motility 4%) so they made him redo it a few weeks later to see if that was a mistake. The second one was even worse (2%), but somehow his   came good in the end. 

Annie - can you really face going through building hell with a little baby? You're a braver woman than me. 
Getting the planning permisson must be a big relief though.

No news on GMIL's leg yet. I went to see her this afternoon and she seems to be in good spirits. She has lots of fluids today and looks and sounds better for it, which is something.
I really don't like hospitals at all. They are full of sick people and funny smells.

Bye for now,
Emma, xxx


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Thanks Emma, that is reassuring to know.

I don't feel too confident about the interview ( I always do a post mortum!) My heart wasn't really in it so we'll see...they will let me know in a couple of days.

I just wish AF would hurry up and arrive!!!

bye for now,

DD


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Morning Everyone!

Emma - Glad GMIL was alright yesterday. I think there's alot to be said for fluids you know. My Dad often perked up after a few bags of the good stuff! 

I don't see I have much choice but to go ahead and get the extension done. We won't have to be living in it though. We have to move out as we won't have any stairs, bathroom, kitchen, lounge or bedroom! Every room we currently have is being moved around you see! 
So I won't be at my home when the baby arrives which is a bit sad. But I have to keep in mind that this is for our future and I'll have my dream home not so long after she gets here. 

Deedee - I am feeling very excited for you! Clomid is a new path of possibility for you and I really hope it works! Have you had any practice goes at bms?

Can I ask what everyone thinks to the name.... Hannah?


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Annie- I absolutely love that name (it is my fave- my granny was called Hannah) so its got my approval.

Where will you be living when the wee one arrives? All the upheaval will be worth it in the end Im sure.

We cant practice BMS 5 days before the SA  or until the scan on day 10.  First they tell you to do it as much as possible then not at all!!

It's in case multiple eggs are released. With clomid there is a greater chance of multiple births so if more than 3 eggs are released it is a no-go. There might be a window of opportunity bewteen SA test and AF arriving though !!! 

dd


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Morning all,

Annie - I _love_ the name Hannah. The only reason it wasn't on my girls name shortlist was because it wouldn't work with my surname.
Your building work sounds like a major project indeed. Out of interest, do you know how long it takes to remove and replace stairs. We're going to have that done in the new house (if we ever get there ), and have no idea about what is involved. The ones there at the moment are very open plan on both sides and quite lethal lokking.

I can't remember if I moaned about this earlier in the week, but the solicitor reckons we won't complete until the end of Jan.  It is so frustrating, but there seems to be nothing we can do to speed it along.

Deedee - when is the SA test?

Claire, Donna, Polly - hope you are all well.

What exciting things are you all doing this weekend?

Emma, xxx


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Annie, Hannah is a really lovely name, definitely has my seal of approval!!  

Emma, end of Jan, that IS frustrating.  But just think in just 3 weeks-ish you'll be in your new home awaiting the arrival of your baby boy - I would cheerfully walk across hot coals to swap with you!!!  This weekend is a quiet one really, eating at my parents tonight and then bf and I are back home for a cosy night in (and another go at the 's'   ).  Sat night was supposed to see a friend but she's really loved up and seeing her new bloke so am staying in alone until bf gets back from the Luton match.  But poss no s practice as af due sometime between Sat and Mon  .  Glad GMIL seems abit better.

Have dropped a few lead weight hints about engagement rings and he does seem to know about spending x months salary on it, although he thought it was 3 months and I thought it was 1 months.  Does anyone know the etiquette?  I still think the 'question' is a long way off though, but may be being unduly pessimistic!

Deedee, any news on the job interview yet?  These things usually go much better than you think they do!  

Polly, Donna, hope you're both well?

Claire x


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Claire - I was thinking about your proposal (or lack of) last night. I wonder if bf is waiting just a short while because he is being sensitive to your recent struggles. Perhaps he doesn't want to give the impression that he only wants to marry you now that you are able to have sex. He's probably letting the dust settle for a week or 2. 

I think it is 1 month's salary, by the way.


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Emma

Yes, maybe it is related to the recent success.  I will continue to drop hints and see where that gets me (if anywhere - bet I'm waiting this time next year!).  Only 1 months' salary!  Think when the time arrives, I'll let him think it's 3...

Claire x


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Guys!

Claire - I do believe it is 1 months salary. The fact that bf has thought about how much he should spend on a ring for you is positive I would say! Maybe Emma's right you know. Maybe he doesn't want you to think that. I bet you won't have to wait too long. The thing to do now is say something like " oh by the way, I found out today that it's ususal to spend 1 months salary on a ring, not 3" and once again this opens up that line of conversation for you, and thinking for him! How exciting - shall I get a hat in now 

Emma - I really don't know how long it would take to move some stairs around for you. I guess you'd need to get a builder over to see what they think. I would have thought no more than 2 weeks surely?

End of January really isn't that far away you know. I'm sure you've got lots to sort out before you move in anyway. Have you got to order any new furniture or carpets? Are you planning to do any decorating straight away? Hit the shops my lovely, that'll pass the time!

I think our work will start in March now. We can stay in the house while they're building the outside of the new part of the house, but once they're ready to knock through, we'll be off. I *think* it'll take 4 months in total and we'll be out for about half of that. I dream about my new house everyday! Oooh, all that space! It'll be so worth it.

P.S - Please remind me of this when I am on here in a few months ranting about how awful it is!!!!

I think the plan is for us to move into my Grandparents house. They have a summer home in Weymouth and live there from March - November. They only pop back home for appointments and special occassions. We would at least then still have some privacy! Maybe over to The Out Laws for a week or two when the baby arrives and then back to Grandparents until we can all go home? I really don't know at the moment. Plenty of options.


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi all,

Emma- DH's SA test is next tues night. The results are given to the consultant the following day do at least not long to wait. 
Does anyone know what exactly they test for and what the results mean??

Claire- no news on interview yet. I didn't think that I even wanted the job before the interview hence no preparation but now i think I do. Ah well, what's meant to be will be! I'll let you all know when I hear. Prob will get letter tomorrow.

It is def 1x month salary on ring. I would def let your bf know this as poor thing could be putting off popping the question because he doesn't know this. If he is asking questions like this it sounds like he is building up to it 

I froze my gym membership for 3 months because I wasnt going as much as i should. Well, the 3 months is up so Im off to drag my lazy butt to the gym. If I dont get back into it now I never will!!!!

Not up to much this w/end Im afraid. Maybe cinema and take away- God we sound boring!

DD xx


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi all

Deedee, fingers crossed then!!  

Annie/Emma, what are you doing at the weekend?

Thanks for your views on the etiquette!  I'll do as Annie suggests and drop that into the conversation this evening.  I've been asked again today at work if I got engaged over the Christmas break.    Just want to get on with bms really (but with ring on finger, as my dad would have a fit otherwise!), now I have made strides to overcome the vag.  Still need to get him ejac though or it definitely won't work!!!!!!!!!!!

Polly, Donna  

Claire


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

A few things on for me this weekend!

Quiet night home alone this evening as DH is working until late. I intend to have a nice bubble bath and then settle down with a movie and a box of Maltesers!

Tomorrow I am going shopping for food next week. Forgot to mention that I'm off to CenterParcs with some girlfriends Monday - Friday, so I'll be out of communication! 

And then on Sunday DH & I are planning to head to Reading to make a start on our baby purchases.

Lots of little bits and pieces there. Nothing Annie exciting for a change!


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi Everyone,

Annie    fantastic! so we have 1 of each  I am so sorry I haven't been able to come on early , problem with connection but all sorted now! suspence has been killing me!

Polly - haven't heard much form you all ok? hows interviews going? are you having treatment this month?

Emma sorry to hear about GIL, how is she doing?

Annie how is FIL?

Told manager today about adoption, she replied why would you want to do that?! didn't have much time for her after that! she asked me outright if it would effect my work which I knew she would. So I lied and told her I wouldn't be giving up work! ha ha she'll just have a shock when I do!  she's a stupid cow anyway who only looks after herself so why shouldn't I do the same! why should I put her first!
She even forgot to pay me today! And I am still paying to much tax! aaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh rant over.

Anyway must go and have a bath before I fall alseep.

I'll be on over the weekend if any of you are.

Hi deedee and claire sorry for no personals.

oh Annie do you have shares in centreparks? you lucky madame!

Donna xx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello again,

Annie - having to move out of your house won't be so bad if you and dh will have your grandparents' house to yourselves for most of the time. I know it's not the same as home, but at least you'll have your own space. I know that I'm very lucky to be able to stay with MIL, but I am someone who loves having their own space and 'me' time, and I miss that. I haven't watched any TV or DVDs for weeks because MIL is either watching something (of no interest to me) or wants to sit in silence. I miss Corrie, more than anything.  At least now I have a car again I can listen to music when driving.

Yes, we will need a few bits of furniture for the new house (another sofa, table and chairs for the kitchen, fridge freezer, and perhaps even some baby stuff) but I daren't buy it until we have a date for moving. I've been looking at stuff on the web, but the shops here are hopeless.

Any news on FIL?

Donna - don't worry about your manager - silly cow. What made you tell her in the first place? Do you need to get a reference from her or something?

Deedee - with the SA I think they test the volume produced, the wriggliness (how fast they are swimming), and the % that could be viable. There might be another thing they test too? 
Cinema and takeaway sounds lovely to me.
I reckon that the thought of the gym is always far worse than the reality. I used to belong to one and never ever wanted to go, but forced myself on alternate days and always came away feeling fabulous and super-virtuous.

Claire - if bf is asking such questions about the costs of rings he is definitely working up to something. How exciting!

Polly - hope you are OK. Are you just quiet because you have family staying? When does tx start again for you? Any news on the interviews?

Still no news on GMIL. They're going to decide how to treat her on Monday. She is no better, but no worse either. 
I'm all excited now as dh is on his way here. He'll be several hours yet, I can't wait.  Tomorrow we'll be visiting GMIL and we're also going out for lunch at a very nice restaurant out in the middle of the nowhere (guess who'll be driving  ) - our Christmas present to MIL.

Take care everyone,
Emma, xxxxx


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Everyone!

I have got a rotten bloomin cold - not impressed! 

FIL Update - Results came in yesterday. The tumour was cancerous, but they believe they have removed it all. They can't see any signs that it had spread anywhere else. They have recommended he has a course of chemotherapy as a preventative measure.We're hoping he'll be home in the next day or two. 

Feeling rather relieved!

Donna -   about the CenterParcs shares. We do go there a couple of times a year! It's just so nearby and reasonably priced! I'm all packed and ready to go and I shall be racing to the spa this time. I was only 9 weeks gone when we went last time and I wasn't allowed a single thing! 

Your Manager sounds like a complete wench matey. I would simply tolerate the woman just incase she is asked for a reference and keep yourself sane with the knowledge that you'll be out of there soon!

Emma -  Have a fabulous time with DH this weekend and hope your meal tonight is super yummy!

Polly - Is everything alright?

Claire & Deedee - Good Morning to you both!


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello,

Annie - what a relief about FIL. It is great that they caught it in time.

Hope everyone is OK. Got to dash,
Emma, xxx


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi Everyone,

Annie that is great news about FIL, much better start the year than you were expecting, Chemo is not nice but atleast you all now its only as a precaution and he'll be fine in no time!

Emma I hope GMIL is still doing ok.

I don't know how either of you haven't bought any baby things I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I love babies things anyway and go mad when anyone I know has a baby! my brothers baby is due very soon the 15th very excited! I better warn the bank  

I don't know if I told you but a shock spring snapped on my car a few months back we have still be driving it while we have been getting the money togther to have it fixed as the car drove with few problems   well the brakes went today  which I am hoping is due to teh shock spring and not a new problem! DH as had to take a day off work on monday it get the parts then get someone to fix it. All more money  we haven't got not that we ever have anymoney! really want to start saving in our baby/child fund and get some money togther for decorating! aaarrrggghhh something alwasy gets in teh way!

Annie, I am doing just that at work, I think to myself everyday that i will only be there for a few months longer or maybe a year but soon I will be out of there! and I can get my own back but leaving her in it when I do as she thinks I am staying once we have a child (cause thats what I told her). Emma, I only told her because I suspect that in the coming months I will need time off work regulary and I wanted her to know  why in the hope she would be more understanding. Also the time I need of in feb for prep course is during half time which she plans to to take off so she was reluctant to give me the time, untill I told her why and that I needed it no matter what!

Deedee, when is SA test being done? its a worrying thing I know so hope all is ok.

Claire how are you doing?

Polly, where are you?

Donna xxx


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi everybody,

Annie, great news about FIL. Such a relief for you all, I'm sure!

Donna, your boss sounds like an insensitive cow.  You are just right, you don't owe her anything. Tell her as much or as little as you want, you just have to think of yourself. (How good will it feel when you tell her you are leaving !!)
DH's SA test is Tues night and get results next day so not long to wait which is good.

We are starting to step our househunting up a gear and get ours on the market. God, do I need all the stress of it  We love our house but not location, if only we could lift house and place it somewhere else....

No news on interview (does not bode well )  Oh well, we'll see what postman brings on Monday.

I made it to the gym again today, so feel very proud of myself. Having lazy night in tonight with DVD and bottle of wine.

Hi Claire, Emma and Polly 

bye for now,
DD xx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Morning all,

Donna - sorry to hear about your car. You didn't crash into anything when the brakes failed did you?
I haven't bought baby stuff yet as I still kept worrying that it was all a dream and would go horribly wrong. After having the scan last week it all seems much more real, so I will get on with it soon. There's not much point me buying too much until we have a house to put it in. 

Deedee - well done on going to the gym.
I don't envy you selling your house. We are in the midst of all that, and it has been very stressful. We put our house on the market in August, and completed in November but can't move into our new one quite yet (long story - we changed our minds about where to move to  ). We had to get out of the other one through for fear of losing the buyer, so are staying with relatives for now. Selling is such hard work as you have to keep the house spotless and clutter-free (doesn't come naturally to me) and pretend you don't live there.
Househunting can be fun though......

Claire, Annie, Polly - hope you are all OK. 

Emma, xxx


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi Girlies,

Hope you are all ok!

A good friend has just told me she is five weeks preggars with her second child. She just came off pill in December!!! and it was the same with the first.  Don't get me wrong I am absolutely delighted for her but still feels like a kick in the teeth (she knows we have been trying for a while). 

I feel so bad for getting upset about this but it just seems so bloody unfair 
DH is very good and says we should only worry about ourselves and cant compare ourselves with anyone else. I totally agree but it still hurts. Im so sick of people saying 'you're time will come'. I just don't know if Im strong enough to cope with this rollercoaster of emotions from month to month...

sorry for my rant, had to let it all out .

DD xo


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Everyone

Deedee - It's OK to feel the way you do. Don't feel guilty about it or beat yourself up over it. I felt the same way everytime friends, friends of friends and complete strangers announced they were pg. It's perfectly natural. Shows you have feelings!

You're right, it is bloody unfair and people telling you it'll happen is the least helpful thing. You are strong enough to do this Deedee. I would usually have one day of feeling down and then I would get mad and think "this isn't going to beat me. I won't let it"

Sometimes we have to fight for the things we want most and can't let that thing called life stand in our way. You go get your baby my friend!

Well I had an absolutely wretched afternoon. I got a bit excited after Donna's question about if we had started buying things. DH & I decided to make a start on it. We got up early and went all the way to Bristol to the giant Mamas & Papas & Mothercare. Spent a crazy amount of cash on baby stuff, all pink of course and then we headed off to the hospital

When we got there MIL & SIL were there and they (like everyone else) started asking probing questions. "What colour did you buy", "are you going to tell us then" etc, etc
They finally eased off and simply asked what we had bought. I started reeling off the list and without thinking said "tights"

OMG - what a flippin eejit!Totally let the cat out of the bag. DH looked so disappointed and I cried hysterically for the whole hour we were there, the entire journey home, once we got home, as I've tried to occupy myself with chores and still crying now.

I am absolutely devestated. The one thing I promised DH I would keep for us and I let it out - less than a week after being told.

Just had a nice chat with Polly online though and as always the voice of reason has calmed me down!

Well, I'm off to pack now for my week away. Behave yourselves everybofy until I get back!


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

OH Annie don't feel bad for letting out, they should have respected your wishes and not asked so many questions! What did you buy then? how exciting! How is polly she is very quiet.

Deedee I know exactly how you feel, as you know I have been finding it all very hard, and being a control freak I find not getting pregnant very hard to deal with as there is nothing I can do to 'make it happen'. I also find it very hard to understand why other people fall pregnant so easily and and inappropriate times! when people like us have been trying for ages.
I felt so upset when my brother and his girlfriend of 4 weeks! announced they were haveing a baby, why did she fall pregnant straight away when DH and I are married and are living together and want it so bad. I obviously felt so guilty as I should feel happy for my brother, the happiness does come though. His baby is due next week and I am excited although still wish it was me and not him.

It is hard and there is nothing that I can say to make ti any easier when others announce they are pregnant. When Emma and Annie got pregnant I cried for an hour because I was so happy they had done it after trying so hard and for so long, I then cried for another hour out of jelousy I guess because I was still trying and why couldn't it have been me! I then cried for another hour for being a complet B***h and being so selfish. what I am trying to say is what you feel is more than natural and it doesn't stop you being over the moon for your friends to, and as you get used to the idea you will be excited for them to.

Emma I guess you are in a hard situation not having your own house to put things in, any news on when you will move? hoes GMIL?

Polly where are you?

Donna xx

desperatly trying to do college work


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi all

well, I'm back, had parents here and they've gone, so it's so nice to be home and have my own bed!

Annie, nice to chat earlier, but I didn't say how pleased I was that your FIL is doing well, and hopefully will be home in a couple of days.

Emma - how is GMIL doing today?

Deedee - I wonder if we went for the same interview on Thursday? If it's any consolation, I haven't heard anything about that either, so I imagine that it was a no go. I did make a bit of a booboo in the middle of it anyway, so I wouldn't have given me the job (although I could do it standing on my head  ) But I went for another interview on Friday, which I would prefer, although it will take a bit longer for the "boss" to decide, especially as he clearly doesn't know what it is that he wants!

Donna, what a b&**$r about the car. Things always happen at once, don't they?

Claire - I'm ahead of Annie, I've got a hat already!   If you want my advice (and you'll get it anyway!) don't get rid of the dilators. Even for normal couples, sex comes and goes a bit, and if you go through a phase at some point in the future, you might want them back to give yourself a bit of confidence. You may well be the exception to the rule, but as vag sufferers have found other ways to have fun than penetration we can all be a bit hit and miss about doing s. (That seems to be the case here, apart from maybe Annie). We certainly haven't been that good, even on holiday, as I just didn't like the bed - we changed apartments because of it! and I realised that the scan I went for on Friday was too uncomfortable, so I got mine out of the attic (hidden while parents were using our room!) on Saturday morning. They were FREEZING!!!! Anyway, then DH came back to bed    . But I was glad that I had the opportunity (once they warmed up!) to use them first. Sorry if TMI!

I can't possibly catch up with all that's been happening, so sorry, but I'll post a bit more regularly now and get back into the swing.

As for me, we went for the day 10 scan on friday (lining 8.5 mm, and one follie 14.5mm, Donna) and I am peeing on ovulation sticks in preparation for basting next week. I thought that clomid might make more than one follie, so I am a bit disappointed that I am still only getting one. They are ALL on the right side, never from the left. So I imagine that means that I am getting really OAP eggs, as I must be getting to the end of them if I have always ovulated from the same side (I've always had such bad o pain from that side, but didn't know that's what it was - even had my appendix out to see if that's what it was). So this is going to be the fourth one, and it's getting hard to believe that it will ever work. I know that you will all tell me that it WILL happen, but it's hard to see how. DH has said we should try beyond our deadline of February, bless him, so we might just plod on for a while. It just feels like routine this time, not ttc. Do you know what I mean? A bit like going for reflexology. We certainly can't afford ICSI or donor egg now - at least til we get more out of debt. (Thanks for your help with my market research, Annie!)

We had a horrible experience last night, we were driving back from London having seen KingKong with the stepkids (what an awful film) and coming through one of the villages near us we saw a man attacking another one. We stopped and I yelled at them and the younger one ran off, but the older man (late 50s/60s) was in a right state, with at least a head wound and a broken leg. The ambulance and police arrived quite quickly once I could get someone to call (my battery had gone) thank goodness. It's likely that they will get the attacker, as the man knew his name, and we got part of his car reg - he had got out of his car to attack the other man who was on foot, can you imagine. It really shook me up, I can tell you, let alone the poor man himself, and I kept dreaming about it last night. 

Anyway, hope that everyone else is ok. Emma, I really hope that you get moved into your new home soon. 

Take care all

Love
Polly

PS, I've come across this new computer game called Bliss - has anyone else come across it? Do you want to know more?


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi Donna!!

You posted while I was composing!

Sorry I've been quiet - but I'll make up for it!

Love
Polly


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello,

Polly - it is so good to have you back with us properly. Your experience last night sounds horrific. I hope you sleep OK tonight.
What day next week is basting? I quite understand why you'd be feeling a bit despondant about it all, but I'll still be keeping everything crossed for you.

I am intrigued to know what Bliss is  - please spill the beans.  Sounds like it could be a bit saucy.........

Annie - are you alright now my dear? I bet it would have slipped out sooner or later. They shouldn't have pressed you with all those questions. You can still keep the name a secret (that's what we're doing, if we ever agree upon one).

Donna - I hope college work isn't getting you down. So you're going to continue with it until you chat to the tutor are you?

Deedee - hope you feel a bit better now. 

Claire - I probably said this before, but I'd hold on to the dilators (but put them out of sight if they upset you). Mine are in storage at the moment, and I wish they weren't. I could do with a bit of a refresher course.

GMIL is so-so. She seemed so much better yesterday, but less so today. She is having more tests tomorrow and the consultant will decide whether or not to operate on (i.e. remove) her leg. 

Take care everyone,
Emma, xxxxx


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hello all

Sorry, am a bit down today.  Had s on saturday night (after me putting it off friday night and saturday morning, feel like such a cow as had said about friday night.  Bf was nice about it but I feel like after him waiting all this time, now I'm flick my decisions on and off like a switch).  Anyway, same pain on entry but I again managed to relax my way through it and it passed.  After, though, tiny tiny amount of yellow/orange (almost red) stuff so am feeling a bit freaked.  Bf didn't come but was within seconds he said but I changed the rhythm (well, was a balancing act and I did my best   !) sorry if tmi.  In the morning was some goo but think it was the lubricant and something red/brown but think it was start of af which came in the late afternoon.  Sorry, that really was tmi but I have to say it really to get advice.  What do you think?  I'd only been thinking that morning that I was so lucky to have overcome so many things I was worried about and now mentally seem to have leapt backwards a step.  Think I will keep those dilators definitely!!

Annie, glad FIL is ok and they think they got it all.  Must be a huge relief.

Emma, fingers crossed re GMIL, hope they don't need to operate.

Polly, your experience sounds awful.  How lucky that you were passing and scared the attacker off.  Bliss - not heard of it, sorry, what's it about?  Good luck for the outcome of your other interview!!!!

Annie, don't feel too bad about blurting out 'tights'.  I wouldn't be able to keep it a secret no matter how hard I tried.  In fact, bf and I were talking about whether to find out the sex of a (future, please) baby and he said he didn't want to know and I said I'd like to.  He said that would be fine but I wouldn't be able to tell him, and I said fat chance, it would come out somehow no matter how hard I tried not to tell him.  

Donna, she's a complete cow with no social skills by the sound of it.  I always think of people like that, keep the info to a minimum and smile smugly to yourself while you do the best thing for you.  My boss can be a bit task-orientated and I don't like it at all, so I just tell her what benefits me best.

Deedee, Annie's right, your pg thoughts just mean you're normal and have feelings.  There are several pg girls at work (again) and I can't bear being in meetings with them patting their bumps and looking all smug.  (Well, I'm sure they don't intend to look smug, I'm being unkind).

Engagement rings - reading between the lines I think he thinks we can't afford it at the moment.  We've stepped up the house search big time and with the intention of owning two properties I suppose it is going to be expensive but...........   !  (but I see we can still talk about babies together..........)

Got to go, big meeting at 10.30 and still need to do final preparation for my presentation.  Yuk.

Claire x


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi Claire

I'm maybe not the best person to talk about bleeding/red goo etc, as I often get it due to the surgery, and having very delicate scar tissue "down there", so I take it a bit in my stride. However, I would say that it was probably the start of af. I can't remember if you go for smears, but if it is worrying you, is that a possibility? It's not so much that it could be something awful, just that you would be able to talk it through with someone as well as have an exam, and that could be reassuring.

I have given up with the NHS looking after my girly bits after my experiences, so if you didn't want to go to your local surgery for a smear, I could recommend a good private gynae, or you could go to a women's clinic somewhere.

But the main thing is don't worry, I think it was probably af, but if it happens every time you have s, then maybe you should check out why.  

Remind me why you are going to own 2 properties? I thought you already did, but can't you sell both and buy a mansion (to rival Annie's   )? Or is it just about the timing - that it never works out with buying and selling houses?

Love

Polly


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi Polly

I have been assured by the docs at Bedford H that there is nothing wrong with me, and unhelpful advice like 'just relax'.  I did have a smear when I had the bleeding before but that was an infection of undetermined origin resulting in cervicitis.  Being a worry wort I therefore assume that I will get repeat infections of such a nature as it was pure agony and made much worse a small vag problem originally.  So any blood to me signals extreme pain and a life of misery.    Hopefully this is 'just a little tear' or simply af, as I bled after the speculum the docs used (to my utter agony) about 4 months ago as well, but they said that there was nothing physically wrong then either.  Maybe I'm just prone.  

Two houses - just because we can, really.  Idea is to sell my 2bed terrace and up to a 3 bed detached, while keeping his 2bed terrace to rent out, ie become a property tycoon  .  We could sell both and buy a bigger house but we don't need the space and see the renting opportunity as a nest egg.  Maybe we're insane and should just opt for one residence!

Claire x


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Morning all,

Claire - I've not had any experience of having goo of any colour after sex. By coincidence, someone on a vag forum that I visit ocasionally mentioned having the same thing a few days ago after just having started having sex. Perhaps it is something that happens to some people if your body isn't used to it. If you are worried though why not see a private gynaecologist. I saw one at BUPA Harpenden who seemed very thorough (I saw him for Down's Syndrome screening, but that is a sidleine to his gynae work). If you don't trust the opinion of the docs at Bedford then it is worth sekinga second opinion.

I hope your presentation went OK.

Polly - are you OK this morning. Did you sleep alright?

Annie - how are you today?

Deedee, Donna - hope you're OK.

GMIL has taken a turn for the worse overnight. We are awaiting further news. The doctors are looking at her now but asked us towait a while before coming in.

Emma, xxxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi all

today is my first day of nothing to do but sort out stuff for myself - start ringing round networks for work, tidy up my computers, "be unemployed", etc, and I don't know what to do. Maybe it's partly because I forgot to do my ovulation stick this morning - or take my temp - and I can't now go to the loo til 12.00. Probably making me a bit restless.  

Sorry to hear about GMIL, Emma. Please keep us in the picture. Is she your MIL's DM? I slept ok last night, thanks.

Claire - sorry, slipped my mind about the cervicitis, of course that makes you concerned. If you want details about my London gynae, let me know. We went to the BUPA in Harpenden a number of years ago, and I liked it, although didn't see a gynae there. It's a different experience from the NHS - I'm so spoilt now with private medicine over the last year!

Hope your presentation went ok. I need to finish one today that I am doing on Friday, and the organisers wanted it last week....better get on.

Hi, Donna, Annie, Deedee

Love
Polly


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Polly - I hope you've been to the loo now. 

I'm having a restless day myself. I was supposed to be doing some proof-reading but can't open the relevant file, so decided to tackle some paperwork (long overdue). All that's happened is that I've spread bits of paper everywhere and got bored and distracted. 

Yes, GMIL is MIL's mother.

Hope everyone else is OK.


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi Emma

Yes, been to the loo, and basting is tomorrow. Have got myself  convinced that   won't be very good (why??) and I just don't feel positive about it at all  . But we'll just get on with it. 

Any news about GMIL?

Not getting on very well with my work, just faffing about really.

Polly


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Hi

I'm just posting as we were in danger of falling off the page. 

How's GMIL Emma? It's not a good sign that you haven't posted.... 

I've just come back from being basted. Figures not great, however. It's a bit ironic that now I "don't work", i have to run around this afternoon and not slob on sofa with blanket and good (or trashy) film. However, it's only about seeiing a couple of people, and not too onerous.

Take care all

Love
Polly


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hello

It is quiet, isn't it?!  

Hope your afternoon isn't too exhausting Polly  

I've been doing some reading on the bleeding issue and *think* it was probably a tear as I don't have the symptoms I had when I got the cervicitis.  I think I'm being a hypochondriac and imagining the worst.  I've been on the internet and it seems likely to be a tear as I wasn't particularly excited (not at all actually) when we had the s on saturday.  Wrong thing to do I know but I'd stupidly promised bf that we'd be doing it and after putting him off friday night and saturday morning I suppose I felt I had to 'get it on'.  Did use some lubricant but on reflection probably not enough either.    Anyway, am going to assume that's what it was for now and the stuff I've read online supports that.  If it turns into an infection, then yes please I'd like someone to suggest a gynae near Luton that's private and I'll just pay to sort it out.  

Emma, I hope GMIL is ok?  ..........  

Hello Annie, Donna, Deedee.

Got to go, busy day at work. 

Claire x


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi everyone,

Came on here last night but computer crashed before I had read all posts or posted and I had had such a $hit day at work I couldn't be bothered to try again!

Sorry I missed your basting Polly sending you lots of     

AF arrived yesterday so i took my first contraceptive pill last night after ebing off them for 3 years! felt really weird!
Hoping I will soon be wanting to have 's' as haven't had penetration sonce last month of ttc whihc is about 3/4 months ago now  Just have mental block and cant go further! I get scared feel really stupid!I'm back to square one! although I know I can do it I just have a mental block and feel such a freak!

Annie I hope you are having a relaxing break.

Emma, how is GMIL?

Deedee have you had results of dh SA?

Work is awful at the moment, staff are all 2 faced back stabbers and thats not an environment I like to work in! I hate having to watch everything I say and do! and I hate not having friends at work I am not used to it  I cant seem to get on with the manager either, she as this attitude about her that she is better than everyone else, she talks to everyone including parents (who are her clients) like they are $hit. I know its not personal but I cant be treated and spoken to like that. She is never happy no matter how hard I try to please her!   Its so frustrating!
I want to leave and normally I probably would have walked, being the hot headed person that I am! but Its the adoption! If I leave and get another job I fear i will not be able to get the time off in the coming months that I need for adoption meetings and interviews, I can hardly tell a new employer about the adoptin as its like going to an interview and saying you are pregnant! I'm not going to get the job am I? but if don't say anything they will think I am taking the mick asking for time off and I may not get offered the job after my probation! aarrrggghh what to do?

DH thinks I should just try and let it wash all over me and keep my head down which I guess I agree with althugh keeping my mouth shut doesn't come easy, I naturally speak up fro myself and don't take $hit for anyone! Thing is I have no contract and no sign of one (despite keep asking) so I fear that when it suits her ie someone else comes along she will get rid! there is a very hight staff turn over there and from what I can gather most people have been sacked rather than jumped ship!
She's a crafty snake fom what I can make out and I don';t feel secure at all!

Should I jump before I get pushed and I am keft unemployed? (can't afford that again) but if I leave I could put adoption at risk? but then if I saty and get sacked it would put adoption at risk? so should I stay and try and win her over, although with staff against me and nothing I do seems to be good enough it will be a hard job!

sorry to moan again!

Donna xx

p.s no appointment with pyschologist yet but cocktail of vits I have been taking seem to help


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Poo Poo Poo Just posted and lost it all.

Claire - glad you got some answers and feel better. I don't like pre-af  much - not comfy at all!

Donna, sorry you are having a bad time at work. Only thing I can say is that you need to decide what is best for you in the longterm, not the short term.

Emma - hope you are ok 

Annie - nothing for you as you are probably being rubbed down with a bit of wet seaweed at CentreParcs as I type and I'm jealous. 

Deedee 

Just to let you all know about Bliss, I found this review http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,69959-0.html?tw=rss.index and followed the link to http://www.gamesforloving.com/ . I imagine that it is not disimilar from all the advice we have all been given about getting more "together" with our DH/Ps, but it looks like fun. There is a free demo and I am going to download it  . I love the pic of the "older couple" in their matching white jammies!

Have fun! (I expect a laptop helps!)

Love

Polly

xxx


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi everyone,

Donna Im so sorry that you are so unhappy in work. It really sucks when you dont enjoy your job and the people u work with can make or break it for you. Can I ask what you do?
If you really feel that it is too much for you I would make plans to call it a day, as you dont want to make yourself ill over it. Have you been looking around for something else?

I wouldn't mention the adoption at interviews (they dont need to know). Maybe mention it after you have been there a while and they see how competent, dedicated and committed you are. Anyway you cant be discriminated against for being a mother.

Only you know what the right choice is. I say go with your gut instinct says and things will work out Ok.  I know you want to do everything right for the adoption but dont let your health suffer because of it.

Sorry, I dont want to preach, but I do know how it feels to make decisions like that and feel you are torn in all directions.  You sound like you dont suffer fools gladly so maybe you are best shot of your current boss/ colleagues so that you can focus on more important things, ie, you becoming a mummy!!! 

DH had SA test tonight. He was so nervous and was sure the place has hidden cameras 
Anyway glad it's over and eagerly awaiting results tomorrow. I am really nervous too but dont want to say anything to make him feel even worse. Fingers crossed everything is ok XXXX

night girls,

D


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Morning all,

GMIL took a turn for the worse on Monday. The doctor said she had a max of 48 hours to live. It was so horrible to see her looking like that. Anyway, SIL said she wanted to say her goodbyes so she came up to stay with MIL and I have swapped places and am in Beds. looking after her 3 children (like herding cats). Then GMIL made a lazarus-like recovery yesterday, so who knows what the story is. SIL and I will swap places back again today. At the moment 2 are at school/nursey and I just have to listen to a Thomas the Tank Engine Toy playing a tunje over and over again. All good practice, I'm sure. Donna - I don't know how you manage to look after multiple children all day long!

Hope everyone is OK. I'll log on properly this evening.

Emma, xxxxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Emma

good to hear from you - hope GMIL is continuing to recover. Take care.

Love
Polly


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Hello all,

Hope you are all OK.

GMIL died in the early hours of this morning. Although I was upset on Monday, when I last saw her, I feel quite relieved now. She looked so awful then, a shell of a person really, that it was no kind of life. We don't have a date for the funeral yet, but t wi be a very small affair (she'd outlived everyone).

I stayed down at SIL's house until this afternoon looking after her children, in the end. I am totally exhausted now. How she copes with 3 I don't know. Actually, the eldest and youngest were very good (apart from the youngest having diarrhoea and being a bit sick), but the middle one had lots of tantrums. I thought that I must be terrible at this child-rearing lark, but MIL assures me that this was normal behaviour for her.

We also heard yesterday that our date for moving has ben delayed yet again - some problem with legal stuff - until early Feb. Arrrrrrggggghhhh!

Donna - how is work?

Polly - how did basting go? Are you feeling any more positive now? Any news on job interviews?

Deedee - have you had SA results yet?

Claire - how are you? Any proposals yet?!

Annie - I guess you're still at Centerparcs? I hope all that pampering has made you feel fabulous.

Got to go. I'm too tired to stare at a screen.

Emma, xxxxxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

Emma - so sorry to hear about GMIL. If there is anything I can do, let me know. 

I wouldn't take looking after 3 children for that sort of time when everyone is worried as a sample of everyday motherhood. You did really well, and I'm sure you are ready for a rest.

What a shame about your house - grrr. It can't be put off again surely, so you will soon be there. (not soon enough I should think.

Take care all

Love
Polly


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Hi everyone,

Emma Im so sorry about your GMIL. Although it is a sad time I can understand you feeling relieved that she no longer has to suffer. Funerals are awful, I'll be thinking about you.
It sounds like you're getting plenty of practice with those 3 kids!!!

Well girls, I didnt get the job and although was disappointed, I now feel relieved as I could do without the stress of it all. I did get offered some part time work which is great- a lot less pressure.

Donna, how are things at work. You haven't been on for a while, are u ok??

Claire and Polly, how are you? 

SA results are 'fine'. DH phoned consultant's secretary continously on Wed and was told that the results would be posted to us. I decided to phone on the off-chance of catching her today and actually got speaking to cons who said they were 'ok' and nothing to worry about. We are soooo relieved. DH went for a well deserved pint after work!

AF STILL not arrived and am on CD 35. AAArrrrhhhhhh, I just want to get started on the   pills!

We put our house on the market on Monday and have a viewer ALREADY! Im cleaning like mad and trying to clear away all our clutter. It's funny, whenever the house is looking all clean and tidy I feel like I don't want to move. Oh well, we still have to find somewhere else so looks like it'll be house hunting this w/end.

Annie, can't wait to hear about Centerparcs and all that pampering 

bye for now,
dd x


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Morning all,

Deedee - what a relief about the SA results. One les thing for you to worry about. I'm sorry that you didn't get the job, but part-time sounds great. Does that mean you're giving up your present full-time job to go part-time, or are you not working at the moment? I can't remember what you've said before.
Good luck with the house-hunting - it is fun to snoop around other peoples' houses.

I hope everyone else is OK. I am still sooooooo tired today. I'm planning a long soakin the bath and an afternoon nap already.

Bye for now,
Emma, xxx


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Girls, I dont want to sound really stupid but what are bubbles?? I see that I can send people bubbles and I have received 15 but dont know what they are. What should happen when I click 'blow' or 'burst' under someones name?

Thx
DD


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## goblin1975 (Oct 6, 2005)

Hello

Not been on, a bit poorly with a bad cold   so has been all I can do to sit at my desk at work and look like I'm working for the past few days.  Weekend plans are looking unstable as a result.  Supposed to be going for a pub meal at Barton with bf tonight, we've been looking forward to it for over a week now, then supposed to be going to the gym for a class Saturday morning and to see 'Just like heaven' at the cinema in the evening with a friend (anyone seen it? is it any good?).

Emma, so sorry to hear about GMIL.  If you need anything I can help with, please just ask.  I'm sure you did a stirling job with 3 children at a difficult time ~ I don't think I could cope with 3 children in optimum circumstances!  No proposals, think I'm going to give up on that one!

Deedee, glad the SA results were ok, you must be relieved.  Bottle of wine coming out tonight?

Annie, hope you're enjoying Centreparcs  

Polly, how was basting?  Did you hear from your job interview (or did I miss that news, sorry)?

Donna, how are you?

Claire x


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

Claire,

I haven't seen 'Just like heaven' but would thoroughly reccommend Brokeback Mountain (the one about gay cowboys), even if only to gaze at the wonder of Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger doing their cowboy 'thang'.... aahhh what a picture, Im off to dream......... dd


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## AnnieR (Nov 22, 2004)

Hi Everyone

Just been reading your posts and catching up on your news!

Just wanted to let you know I'm back and had a fabulous time. 

Today is "Dad Day" (2 year anniversary) for me, so if it's alright, I'll come back and post properly tomorrow. I need to go be with my Mum & Nan at the moment.

Emma - I do just want to say how sorry I am about GIL. My love to you and your family right now xxx

Great to be back with you girls. Speak to you all tomorrow xxxx


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## deedee2 (Dec 9, 2005)

OMG!!!, when I said cowboy 'thang' I didnt mean... well...you know.... I mean they are a fine looking pair of men, just wanted to clear that up


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## Donna Taylor (Dec 23, 2004)

Hi all,

Emma   to you and your family, sorry to hear about GMIL. How are MIL and DH?

Annie I am sure you are fine with your mum and nan but   to you to hun.
How was centreparks? I would say can't wait to hear all about it, but I am far to bitter and jealous   only kidding.

Claire sorry you are poorly hope you feel better soon. xx

Deedee, Great that SA are all fine. oh and I am a nursery nurse, well deputy manager since starting my new job in october.

Well had a really tough week and emotions have been high thanls to AF! DH advised me not to make any decisions while AF was around which makes sense.
After manager and staff being horrid, rude and moaning all week last couple of days have been ok.
On wednesday manager moaned at me - yet again and I stood up for myself but not in a rude way. I just pointed out that I was doing the best that I could and that I was only human and not enough hours in the day bla bla you get the gist.
I think she is just panicing about our OFSTED insepction which is due anytime! she as been fine last couple of days. she has still be complaining about things but in a nice way if thats makes sense, where before she was being rude which really upset me!
I have only been there 3 months and really would like to stick it out there, hoping things will saty as they are and even improve after stress of inspection has lifted.

I think I mentioned that my Corsa brock down on saturday? well we got that fixed on monday to the tune of £250   then on thursday the Metro broke down which is going to cost £120+ which we really dont have so seeing as DH works further away I had to buy a bus pass and bus it to work! hell! I hate busses! and its now £1.50  

So thats me in a nutshell!

College tommorrow 

Polly, how was basting? 2ww  

Interview/perlimanery meeting on friday........ yipeeee   

Donna xx


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## emmadaffodil (Apr 7, 2004)

Evening all,

Deedee - I thought that waexactly what you did mean 

Donna - sorry you've had such a c****y week. When things go wrong with cars it is so expensive, isn't it. I really feel for you travelling by bus - I would do anything to avoid that. When I lived in London and had to use them every day I was in countless accidents and saw more fights and generally scarey things than I would have liked.
Try and stick it out at work if you can - it might look odd to potential future employers if you left after only 3 months. I know that is easier said than done.

Annie - my thoughts are with you. 
I'm glad you had a nice time at Centreparcs.

Polly - you're very quiet on the news front. How was basting? Any news on jobs, consultancy things etc?

Claire - hope you're feeling a bit better. I'd definitely ditch the gym if you're not 100% well.

Thanks for all your kind wishes. MIL, dh and SIL are all fine, but BIL has taken it very badly indeed - he was closest to her amd also feels responsible for her death (long story - he caused her to fall which triggered the whole series of things that went wrong with her). The funeral isn't for another 10 days, but I'm dreading it; I always go to pieces at them, even when I don't really know the person. All very embarrassing. 

I'm looking forward to seeing dh again tonight (although I did see him in the week as he stays in SIL's spare room at the moment).

Emma, xxxxx


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## pollyhoping (Jun 15, 2004)

hi all

Emma & Annie  .

Donna - good to hear from you again. Glad that you got somewhere at work! Not having much luck with cars though, are you?   Sorry about having to take the bus. Not nice.

Claire, hope you are feeling better. Apparantly this is shaping up to be the greyest January on record, so that doesn't help people feel better.  

Deedee - good news about the SA - but did they actually give you any numbers? It would be good to know.

I know you keep asking about basting - it was all quite straightforward but I really am not convinced - esp as the SA was 2 million, and it was 5 million last time. They like it to be over 3mill. So I just need to wait it out. An I won't make the mistake of thinking that a couple of days late is a good sign!  

Not much else happening. We went to the police station to make our statements yesterday and it took for ever...I have a couple of interviews - a second one as well - next week. But I might have some consultancy work lined up, although I'm not sure when I can start or if it will work out. Might know more on Monday. 

Anyway love to all

Polly

P.S. Just seen your post Emma. I do feel for you BIL, how awful to feel that.


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## Candy (Mar 8, 2004)

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,45945.new.html#new new home ladies


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