# Struggling to decide



## shazznewman (May 17, 2005)

Hi, I've posted about this before, so I will keep it short.  Don't feel like I belong on this thread as I haven't made my mind up whether to try again and I shouldn't be on the no more miracle thread either as I haven't come to that conclusion yet either.


Is anybody else struggling to decide whether or not they want another baby.  I just hope this doesn't sound awful, I am over the moon and 100% happy with my beautiful boy, I sometimes cannot imagine having to share him with another baby, can you really love two babies as much as the love I feel for Kieran.  Sometimes I feel totally fulfilled and then other times I feel that I still want another baby and a sibling for Kieran, maybe I'm too organised and I hate the thought that I have no control of the outcome of this and I'm wondering when I will be clear in my mind what to do.

I'm sure my post must sound really confusing, sorry

Shazznewman


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## ~ Chux ~ (Apr 8, 2003)

I know I can't answer all of your concerns but I do know that feeling you can never love another in the same way is completely normal. I remember a friend saying it to me when she was expecting her second and at the time I thought what a stupid thing to say, yet then when I was pg with M I really worried over this - how could anyone ever even come close to being as perfect as my little boy?? I know I can never convince you (for want of a better word) but you do love the second just as much and they are just as perfect!

For me there were/are a lot of guilt trips when it came to having a second such as will J miss out, what if he's jealous, will he feel he has to 'compete' for my attention etc etc, but when I'd say to dh about it he'd say I should focus on the positives. Yes he will have jealous moments but there will also be times when they play well together and enjoy having the other around.

At the end of the day no one can give you the answer as only you know whether you want to have another or not and there is no right or wrong. If you had conceived Kieran easily would you have gone on to have another without another thought? Is it just the fear of it 'not working' stopping you?

Good luck whatever you decide - Kieran will have a great life either way I'm sure.

Chux xx


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## shazznewman (May 17, 2005)

Chux, thank you for your reply it is a little reassuring, I think in the back of my mind I'm also worried that if I got to really wanting another and then it had to come to IVF again, would we find the money and how would I be if it didn't work.

Shazznewman


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## ~ Chux ~ (Apr 8, 2003)

Oh hun, it did cross my mind that maybe self-preservation was partly holding you back and maybe it was tx you were wondering whether you wanted to do as opposed to having a sibling for Kieran. 

I really don't have an answer for you apart from Mother Nature can be a cruel b*tch at times. 

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Chux xx


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## karen (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi,

I'm not sure I can shed any light on the matter as we are/were in a similar situation. We love our life with our dd but decided to try one last attempt at ICSI. We did it and sadly failed. Now we're spending days and nights wondering if we try again. For me it is soley the financial, physical and emotional cost on me and hence our family which is holding me back. Can I cope with another cycle? Will I be better spending the money on the child we already have and enjoying her at such a lovely time in her life rather than going through the emotional black cloud of ivf.

I've read enough on this board in favour of being an only child that I don't feel (too) guilty if she doesn't have a sibling but I think having a sibling would benefit her in many ways - yes she would be jealous (even though she thinks she wouldn't) but she would learn to share, have someone else close to her etc etc

Hard decisions! 

Karen


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## shazznewman (May 17, 2005)

Hi Karen, sorry your ICSI didn't work and thanks for the reply.  

Maybe I need to look up the benefits of being an only child.  My dh is an only child and I asked him if he ever wanted a brother or a sister and he said yes.  One of my doubts is money, I keep thinking that only having 1 we can afford to do more with him, but then I think is this for my benefit and am I being selfish.  Kieran does have a sibling as he has a 1/2 Sister, but she is 12 years older than him and it would be nice for him to have a sibling his own age (we pay maintenance for dh daughter, so it feels like we are already paying for two as she has clothes and everything at our house as well).  

Shazznewman


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