# Almost no eggs left, turned down for adoption, DH infertile. Where now? Help.



## JessLange (Mar 14, 2011)

Ok. Am totally and utterly beyond  knowing what to do now. Today I found out that my AMH count is in the very low/undetectable catagory meaning that we look like we have practically no eggs left. My husband is clinically infertile and we have failed clomid and ICSI where I made only 2 eggs, and we are due to begin another round of ICSI when this result came in just today.

DH does not want to egg donate and we have limited funds to carry this all on as we have to self fund due to having miraculously making our son who is 18 months old now. We feel blessed but frustratingly, being so close to having everything we are in limbo and cannot complete our family. I have quit a job for all of this and am just waiting, waiting waiting. Have been for three years now and my life is ticking on painfully not knowing what to do. I need to move my life on but cannot until I know what is going to happen.

I have just learned from researching on the different adoption websites that we cannot adopt another child until our son is 6 years old. He is 18 months old now. Wanting another when we have been blessed with one is just too terrible when I know that your struggles are just as bad as ours, often worse, and I am so sorry for being so selfish. I am just devastated. By that time just starting the process my DH will be 56 and probably won't pass the medical. I always secretly kept adoption as a lifeline; the last resort in case we could not get pregnant but to have this taken away too, all on the same day is just ghastly. 

I am due to start my Bucerelin tomorrow and I just feel like smashing all the bottles on the floor and stamping on them. How do we move on? Is there anyone else out there who has been through this? I feel so alone, so let down. Utterly inconsolable and selfish and dissapointed and failed and stabbed by all of this news. Does anyone know a way around the adoption rule? Anyone know about adoption abroad?

Can anyone help me?


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## muminthemaking (Jan 10, 2008)

Jess,
Don't lose hope... It sounds to me as if you have a lot going on right now with your ICSI about to start, receiving your amh results and on top considering adoption. From what I've read the adoption agencies do like there to be as large an age gap as possible between adopted child and birth child, but I've read this to be at least 2 years, so, by the time you've undergone your treatment (     hope you get your bfp) if it doesn't work agencies like you to have between 6 months and a year to come to terms with things and ensure adoption is the way you want to go, also the process itself can take anywhere up to 2 years, so you could be looking at your child being 3-4 before you're approved. In which case it would be possible to have a child up to 2 years old placed with you, though usually it is harder to have a child in this age range placed because this is the age most adoptive parents would like (?).

To adopt you can apply to any agency, voluntary ie barnardos or local authority up to a 50 mile radius from where you live....

If/ when you're ready, here is a really good place to start, in terms of talking with people who have been or are going through the adoption process, also adoptionuk is a good website though be warned alot of the postings can come across as negative but this is because its used as it should be, as a support network.

Anyway,I hope you get positive about this cycle and that it will be successful for you

all the best

Kerry


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## JessLange (Mar 14, 2011)

Thank you so much Kerry. Does this mean that there is somewhere else that I can apporach other than the Local Authority? I have been on the Dorsetforyou website and they state clearly there that you cannot BEGIN the adoption process until your child is 6 years old. Here is the extract:

_Some people apply to adopt when they have birth children. It is essential that there is at least a three year age gap between the youngest birth child and an adopted child. For that reason we are not able to accept applications from parents until their youngest birth child is aged 6. _

Can I try somewhere else?
I presumed that there was one adoption agency for the whole of the UK? Is adoption farmed out to different agencies then? 
Hmmm.... Perhaps there IS hope for us....


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

Hello  

Each local authoroity has its own adoption agency, and some LA's join together to make consortiums. There are also voluntary agencies which cover the whole of the UK.  You can apply to any LA agency within a 50 mile radius of your home - have a look at this site and you can see which agencies you can apply to:

http://www.baaf.org.uk/agencies

and this one for Voluntary Agencies:

http://www.cvaa.org.uk/adopters/

6 years is quite old, I'd think most agencies would ask for you birth children to be at least 4 

Hope that helps a little 

Bx

/links


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## Lirac (Sep 18, 2008)

Is it worth exploring the issues of egg/embryo donation further? 
I used Wessex (Southampton) and a partner clinic in Spain and I know that they put people in touch with others who have gone through the same process. Spanish clinics have no waiting lists and the success rates are very high. Just a thought as my DH was totally opposed to the idea too (and it took me two or three years to get my head around it) but it is the best thing that we have ever done and we have no regrets at all.
Sending lots of   
Lirac


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Don't give up hope on completing your family    Good luck with your icsi cycle, you just never know what will happen until you get there and as you have had a pg and baby your chances are higher.  
As for adoption, every agency has different rules so its worth phoning round, you can approach any agency you want within a 50 mile radius of where you live.  There are agencies that will state a minimum of 2 year age gap and so your child would need to be 4 really before they would approve you and start looking at matches BUT as the process to approval can take 12, 18 plus months by the time you have done this tx and had your grieving period (if you don't get a BFP) you are not going to be far off being able to start the process.  
Good luck
OT x


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Jess - can't help with regards to the adoption side (am still learning) - but know exactly how you feel regarding the AMH results.  My consultant wanted me to try DHEA for a cycle - but my darn cycle was all over the place.  Had a mini melt down and ended up having counselling and trying donor eggs ... Was a long process mentally though.
     Have everything crossed for this cycle.
  


Mini xx


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## JessLange (Mar 14, 2011)

OMG Ladies. Thank you so very very much. You have given me hope, belief, enthusiasm and drive. What would I do withough FF. I am going to do some more research now then using these links. There is so much to learn and I didn't know really all of this info as to different agencies.
I am going to look into egg donor as well now and broach the topic of maybe looking abroad as well.
I have heard that if you partner in America that you get a totally different experience of ICSI and also adoption so I think that is not out of the question too. 
Ladies. Thank you Thank you Thank you.
Jess xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

Not sure what you mean by "if you partner in America" but would just like to add to everyone saying look around at VA/LA. There is usually lots of choice in any one area.

I think the 50 mile limit is a guideline, and agencies might see you just outside that limit, or might not if you were within that, depending partly on driving time.


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