# How do you get your head and heart to agree?



## Rowan22 (Dec 29, 2008)

We are trying to start the adoption process but what's become very clear after the initial visit is that my head's in one place but my heart isn't! Does anyone have any ideas about how to deal with these emotions?
Intellectually, I know I have no chance of conceiving naturally and we simply can't afford IVF, so adoption is the only way forward. Fine, so why after this visit did I spend half the afternoon in tears? The pain was as bad as it's ever been and yet I thought I had begun to move on. This is infuriating! The problem is that we don't have time on our side, as my dh's over 50 and I am not too far away from it. If we have to wait much longer, we'll be too old to adopt.
Can anyone else relate to this? I feel completely confused!

Rowanxx


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## charlie_44 (Jan 9, 2009)

Hi Rowan,

We to have just started the adoption process.  While we are very excited about this and know that it's definately the right decision for us the pain of not being able to have a pregnancy is still there, though it's fading but comes back to bite me on the   sometimes.  

We had to use a sperm donor and it took me a long time to get my head round that but I did but I'm still trying to get my head around why it never worked for us.  It's hard as there are no answers so this frustrates me!  I was told that I had a low chance this time if we tried another round of treatment and we decided enough was enough but when I hear news of pregnancy or of babies being born it hurts like hell   and for a lil bit I wonder should we try again but I know deep down that adopting is the answer for us.  I know when I have my adopted babies I will love then so much and wouldn't want things to be any different and this gets me through.  We want to be a family more than we want the tiny baby, if you get my drift.

I know of someone who adopted and has two lovely daughters who are grown up now, she loves them dearly but whenever she used to hear baby news it made her feel sad.  I guess it's something that never goes away but it will get easier to live with.  

Maybe try not to think so hard about it (as if   ) over the next couple of weeks and see where it takes you.  

Love Charlie


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