# why, why, why!



## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Yet another negative! I began to think it hadnt worked around day 8 but then as AF hadn't arrived i thought to myself 'you never know' and began getting my hopes up again!
Well how stupid am I!
I'm just not ment to be a mum!
Feel like such a cheap failure at the moment and cant see the light at the end of this dark dark tunnel 

Where do you ladies find the strength to go on?

Love Kim xxx


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## Barbs (Jun 23, 2002)

Hi Kimmy

Please don't think of yourself as a failure. The treatment was a failure but not you.
You are so young and you have your whole life in front of you. Just tell yourself that you will be a mother one day and you deserve to have what you want from life.
We all find the strength from somewhere but it takes time.
I've had 3 failed cycles and the first few days are the worst. It is all part of the grieving process. 
You will have your wish one day - never give up.
Lots of hugs to you.

Barbs xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Lucy (May 27, 2002)

Kimmy

So sorry to hear your news. This is so hard for you when you wanted and needed so much for it to work for you. You must be feeling completely devastated.

IVF worked for me first time, so can't really advise you on how to cope. But like so many people here, you WILL find a way, and hopefully be able to stand up, brush yourself down and start again.

You are so young, and this was your first go. I know that sounds hollow positivity right now, but you ARE destined to be a mum, really soon. Don't give up. Would it help to go into the chatroom? You can rant and rave in there and we'll all do what we can to support you.

Hope you and dh feel better soon


Lucy xx


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## GAIL M (Apr 26, 2003)

Kimmy,

You will find the strength to try again to get your dream.
After my first neg IVF I was devastated as I was convinced IVF was the answer.

But now 2 months later, I have found the strength to try again after I come back from my holiday. Take some time out with your DH - it does help. IF is just such a rollercoaster ride and you must be a very strong person to go down this road like everyone on this site - we are strong people.

I know you are feeling so raw just now - but you will get your dream.

Take care,
Luv
Gail M
x


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## *Kim* (May 5, 2002)

Hi Kimmy 

I know exactly how you feel. My 1st cycle failed i was convinced it had worked. So convinced we travelled up to Barts to do the pregnancy test. BIG MISTAKE. Two of my neices and one of my nephews also came with us they were so excited. We then had to come out and try and break the news to them then travel back to Canvey with this news. It was the most awful day I cried all day. We had also decided that it was to be our one and only go. So i have an idea how you are feeling now. I am so sorry it hasnt worked for you i truly hoped it had.

I hope you can, in time, feel you would like to try again with a lot of people the first go is a trial run, i know that doesnt help but it happened 2nd time with me and you have seen my result.

Sending you lots of  , take time out with your dh and then decide what you want to do. This doesnt mean your not meant to be a mum it just wasnt the right time.

Love Kim x x x


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Kimmy
I am so sorry to read your post
Please please dont ever say you are a failure, that is one thing you are not.

You are allowed to feel down and low, you are human, and you would not feel anything else after recieving such sad news, but this does pass, and you do pick yourself up to have another go, we have to if we want to fulfill our dreams, and we can fulfil them, as lots and lots of girls have shown us, this is what keeps us going, seeing so many girls getting their dreams coming true, no it isnt easy, but what a great gift we get in the end.

Hold on to your dreams Kim, cos they do come true.

My thought are with you and your dh

Love and hugs
Jo
x x x


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## Dixie (Apr 17, 2003)

Kimmy, Please don't feel like a failure, you are not. Like the others have said the treatment failed, not you. I know it is very hard. I am on my second ICSI cycle. During my first one, I was so convinced it would work and completely devastated when it didn't. I don't know what to say other than it will pass with time and you will heal. You and DH should just take some together time. Take care of and love each other. My thoughts are with you both. Love Dixie


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## Mel (Jan 1, 2002)

Kimmy,

Please dont say you are the failure, you are by no menas one, as the girls have said it is the treatment that is the failure not you.

I know how exactly how you feel, after the first negative my world fell apart and i didnt think i coud do it all again, but like you i was young at the time and had to give it another go, i couldnt give up on mine and tony's dream.

You will find the strength sweetheart, we all find it from somewhere, whatever we decide to do.

Sending  to you and your dh, take some time out together.

Mel

x x


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## mmmbop (Jun 30, 2003)

Dear kimmy,
I am so sorry to hear your news,and just wanted to send you and DH lots of love and hugs,the strength to carry on will come to you again,take care of yourself,
love mmmbop.xxxxxxx


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Thanks Girls,

Feeling better this morning after a long night of crying in my sleep, still feel's raw but hopefully i will heal a little on holiday, i'm so glad DH booked to go away today i was woried at first being right on top of test day but now am releaved to be getting away from it all.

You are right, i know i have age on my side and am lucky i found out our if problem early, but age does not help fill the empty hole inside of me, age does not stop me longing.

I have had a night to sleep on it and decided i WILL be a mum someday, just not right now it wasnt meant to be. 

Now i have the job of telling everyone it's a negative, that is one thing i have learnt, next time i'm telling a few people that have to know (and you lot of course )

Thankyou all for your kind words, they mean a great deal to me 

Love Kim xxx


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## Imogen (Jul 18, 2003)

Good for You Kimmy!!

I hope you can rest and relax on your holiday and take the time you need to 'process' the feelings you are going through. It sounds like you've made a good start.

You WILL be a Mum someday and you 'deciding' on that and holding onto it _whatever _ will be the thing that makes it happen for you, and maybe sooner than you think!!

Lots of love sweetie

Imo.x.x.


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## jan welshy (Jan 18, 2003)

Kimmy,
Just as the other girls said it is hard to terms with a neg, I know as my 1st failed, was hoping it had worked then sure it hadn't but even when the neg arrived I was devistated, cried to hard and loud thought my chest would burst. 
Then told that we should copnsider donated eggs as mine are not too good. 
You will be a mum one day soon, as i am sure i will and all the girls will be (by hoo or by crook).
Take care spend time with DH, don't shut him out like i did at first.
Also, I told people about our IVF try and had to tell them neg on my first day back at work, I am a teacher at a secondary school. It is very hard, you may cry the first few times you tell but you will get through it.
Our love and thoughts are with you. I'll send my guardian angel to you in my dreams.
L
WelshyXXXXXXXXX


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## SueL (Mar 22, 2002)

Dear Kimmy

I am sorry that your IVF didn't work for you THIS time. It will work you have to believe it will.

You are not a failure, you are strong, this is a massive rollercoaster and also a learning process.

Like you, I have age on my side which is wonderful in some respects but hard in others because you are still trying and would love to have your child now. 

Have a wonderful holiday and you will bounce back and you will find the strength to carry on, don't know how you just do.

Love Sue
xxxxx


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## Lou F ❁ (Feb 28, 2003)

kimmy
just wanted to say hi and my thoughts are with u, i know it sucks, lets hope one day our dreams will come true.
lol
Lou x


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## vix (Jul 25, 2003)

Kimmy

I know exactly how you feel. I was ok when I tested yesterday had little cry but came into work this morning (I work from home separate office from my home - but joined - work on my own if you know what I mean) and cryed, and cryed. Dont know why - feel lonely and tired, exhausted and feel as though no one knows exactly how you feel apart from the girls on here. People say there's always a next time. Yes maybe but having to wait 3 months and getting over this depression is hard to beat. Trying to be strong is hard. I phoned the clinic today to let them know of my result and they asked if I wanted to see a counsellor - I said no I'm ok which I thought I was until I came off the phone and just burst into tears. So does anyone knows if the cousellors work?

Vix


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Kimmy

Please please do not think you are a failure because it just isn't so.

We all seem to somehow gain the strength and bounce back. When you are ready you will try again.

 

Lainexx


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