# Family referees



## Melaniesunflower (Sep 20, 2013)

Just a quick question..... At theend of our prep group today they told us we could start thinking about referees, the usual suspects of family and friends were mentioned. My querie is about your parents being your referees. I'm sure I've red somewhere they don't like you have your parents as family referees, but I'm an only child/grandchild and have never had anything to do with my only uncle and his wife; all my grandparents are are dead.lease reasure me this will be ok, as my only other family are cousins of my mum and dad who I know,but not ThAT well


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## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

I used my mum and my sister in-law as referees.
My dh used his aunty, and the we chose a friend each.

Hope this helps.
Good luck
Skyblu.xxx


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## summer girl (Nov 27, 2009)

I don't think there is any issues at all with your parents being your referees, my DH had his mum as his referee, I think they would rather have your parents as realistically they know you the best. I had my sister, but this was as she had just had a baby and as able to add lots about what good uncle and Aunty we'd been  I'd ask your SW if you're not sure. Good luck with the while process xx


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## Melaniesunflower (Sep 20, 2013)

Thanks sky blu, that's put my mind at rest.i was just worried as I only have my mum and dad for family, luckily I know they will have no objections to being referees!


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## Melaniesunflower (Sep 20, 2013)

Thank you summer girl. Dh will ask one of his sisters (he's got 9 siblings!!) and I'm sure she'll also speak  about me, but I was just worried as I'm so limited in options. I appreciate they just have to accept what they get and I'm Fairly unusual in having such a teeny tiny family. At least my side of the family will have no issues about any potential child bing an only child!


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## alig1972 (May 12, 2011)

Hi 

We didn't use our parents as referees, as we babysit for BIL and also felt my sister would be better. However they are going to interview both our sets of parents anyway. Our SW is interviewing all our references at the moment which for me was my sister and 2 different friends, one of which has 2 children of her own.

Ali


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Our family reference was my fiance's sister, however they also spoke to my parents as I only have them and a brother in Ireland and it was perfectly fine. I have heard of lots of people using parents, even if they have bigger families, so don't worry at all


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Yep, we used both of our mothers for referees.


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## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

In my LA they had an issue as some of my referees don't live in this country and wanted to speak to them face to face. I arranged Skype calls and although I was advised not to use my parents, my SW did meet them.

Lots of varying experiences and I am sure you'll make it work for you


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

We were told by our previous VA that we could not use parents as referees, so I used my brother for a reference and DH used his auntie, although this LA like to meet the 'potential Grandparents'


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## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

Another example of huge differences between LA/VA!  

Hubby and I had to give 3 references each - 1 family each & 2 friends each ( so total of 6). We both had our Mum's as our family references. Also, FYI - all 6 references had to fill in a questionnaire but our SW only met with 4 - so both Mum's and a friend each and we choose which friend. 

Good luck with your journey.


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

We needed to each put a family member down....I put my Mum, DH put his cousin. We then had to put 2 friends each. Our SW went to see both our family referees then a friend from each side. All for friends had to fill out a questionnaire thing but family didn't.


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## mafergal (Jul 31, 2013)

We were only allowed to use 1 family member as a reference, then 2 others who could not be related and they had to know us both. We have used DW's parents as our family one. As you can see from the replies almost every agency has their own criteria for references. Unless they specifically tell you not to use your parents then it's not an issue x


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## Smudgey (Mar 13, 2012)

We had Dh's Dad , but his Mum was in on the interview as well , our neighbours who we are close to ( their teenage children who we are very close to also sat in ) and a friend of mine as referees . They all filled in a questionnaire but SW only saw neighbours and DH. Dad face to face  xx


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

I wish they'd standardise this and have a reasonable (small) number and accept they won't be able to see them all in person!
We had to have one friend each, preferably someone with children, and one relative between us. My mum was being a bit funny about adoption at the time so they accepted not her, so I chose another relative. One friend would have been perfect but lives too far away and the one I chose didn't comment fully enough on my experience with children so they had to ask for another one.


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