# Our journey to becoming forever mummys



## sass30

my partner and i (her 25 i 29) have been together for coming up 6 years. we have known eachother for 8. 
  i have always wanted children  from a very young age.  i aways told my parents i didn't need a man i would get a baby off the internet. 
    
  my partner luckily always wanted children. we are both extremely lucky that parents are on board and very supportive and proud of not only our lifestyle but our desire to have children. 
  
  People adopt for different reasons. we always said we wanted to adopt at some stage in our life. we thought that as we choose our lifestyle we wouldn't be able to adopt so we went with IUI last July. This was unsuccessful and as we had the means to have another two tries we decided that there was too many children needing loving homes and we were a loving home that needed it filled with the sounds of a child.

  i made a telephone enquiry back in February 2013. i spoke to a wonderful social social worker who put our fears at ease. i must of said something within that call as we had not only been approved to have a initial home assessment done but we had been pre approved for the prep course.

    the lady that i spoke to on the phone came to do our initial visit. she made us feel really comfortable and very much at ease. she saw past that the potential adopters are 2 woman she saw us a 2 people wanting to be parents. 

I must admit it was the longest 3.5 hours of our life. i am very much  of our relationship. when it came to doing finances this was when i was panicing. I'm currently on a DMP due to over indulgence when i was 18 which will be cleared in 2016. my DP also has debts. we advised we had disposable income of £500 a month and that wasn't taking in to account we would be cancelling the gym and cutting mobile contracts down. this also took into account food and petrol being taken off.We were asked how would we manged and i said the same as everyone else you just manage. I'm now extremely worried that this may go against us when they look at fiances more closely on home visit. 

  We have just finished our prep course. 1st day was very hard, and very emotional. It does make you question is this for you !!!! 

    I am so glad we stuck at it. we have made some good friends out of it and the course was truly fantastic. Now we are just waiting for a call within the next 2 weeks to arrange our 1st home study.

i will write on here so you can follow our progress from now on wards. 

Sarah x


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## Handstitchedmum

Hi Sarah, thanks for sharing  I look forward to hearing how your journey progresses!


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Good luck with your journey  

It truly is an amazing journey xxxxxx


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## Wyxie

Good luck.  

Look forward to hearing how things progress.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Looking forward to hearing all about every step x


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## MummyAuntieKatie

Crikey, it seems such a long time ago that we were just starting out.  Looking forward to the next instalment! x


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## sass30

Well we got the call on wednesday to arrange home study. Were lucky as our social worker was one if the course leaders for prep so we know her and vice verser. 
  First HS is july 10th ahhhhh. 
Our referees have received there letters with questions to answer and then a interview. We got our medical forms to hand in at drs which our lA pay for so thats good. It seems now the pace has picked up a bit. 

So far so good 

Sarah x


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Fabulous news hun. Have a good but healthy weekend, at least till the medical is done   . Our references have gone out this week too people got them yesterday x


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## sass30

Well its the day before our first HS. Needless to say i am nervous and feeling sick. Im spending today bleeching any area that can be bleeched so the cats better not stand for too long.
    The process is moving really quickly.i just said to my partner it doesnt seem two minutes since i called to make enquiries in feb and now we have our first HS tomorrow. 
  We know work has sent our work referances off and our personal referances have gone off also. We both have our medicals end of july also. So really jts just interviews for referances and home study. 
    Planning our civil partnership is taking my mind off the stress of adoption and wouldnt recomend planning both at same time. Hopefully after tomorrow i will be more relaxed .


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## Mummy DIY Diva

You'll be fab x


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## MummyAuntieKatie

No need to be nervous, you'll be fine, after a while I bet you enjoy it too, if you get a SW you get on with it's a bit like having a friend round for coffee.


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## sass30

After getting the flat all nice we get a call. Our SW has hurt her knee so wont be able to come to us. We have been asked to go to office. Cant wait just a few hours to go until our first HS.
            Things are moving fast references are out medical is due soon. So excited. Have a fab day ladies


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## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad she's seeing you at the office instead of cancelling it's a great sign that your SW is a hard worker who wants to get things done to schedule. They'll love you I'm sure x x x


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## sass30

Thanks gwyneth27 it went really well. We have planned all 7 meeting. Last meeting is 7th december and we are having them every 3 weeks. Got lots of homework but its quite exciting.  Im now going to head in to work for 3 hours lol


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## sass30

Thanks gwyneth27 it went really well. We have planned all 7 meeting. Last meeting is 7th december and we are having them every 3 weeks. Got lots of homework but its quite exciting.  Im now going to head in to work for 3 hours lol


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic knew they'd be glad to have you. Bummer about work   but got to pay for our Lo' somehow  . It's good that she has planned it all out I'm a planner and love to have a schedule x x x


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hope today's gone well  
Xxxxx


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## Chopio

It sounds like it is all moving along quickly and positively for you guys. You know how you mentioned finances in your opening post? Well I don't really know much about the adoption process or how closely they look at that stuff but I just wanted to say don't worry about it too much. People make families in all kinds of financial situations and although having enough disposable income is really helpful, it is more important to have stability and love and family support. It sounds like you two have got loads of that! 

Good luck with everything! x


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## sass30

Thanks chopio . Ive stopped stressing over the minor things as people raise kids on a lot less. Ive got my budget plan so after 3 years we will be better off. The whole process so far has been worth the tears and sleepless nights and im glad i have this forum as its eased a lot of anxieties.


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## sass30

Well my other half had her medical last week. Its mine on wednesday along with our home study visit. 

We did our health and safety check and pet assesment. We have had to write profiles of us. I cant wait for panel. If our last home study visit is 5tg december will we get to panel before our 8 month date in febuary?


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## sass30

We had our second home visit on thursday and boy are social workers good. This was our indervidual ones. Our SW has a way of extracting information from you then questioning it hard. I have asked our next meeting on financial. I got my self so stressed about the money side. Oue sw just gives me a look when i tell her how much we have left over. But my DP is a spreadsheet genius. She has done spreadsheets to show when everything is paid off in 4 years time what we will have disposable. i am not going to stress anymore over it.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad you're chilling out over money it's a funny one I was worried about it too. In reality how much money is enough to raise a child?  I personally think it just depends children cost as much or as little as you let them to a degree I think.  Supermarkets do cheap clothing and toys so no need to go overboard unless you want to.  Glad it's all going well I had been wondering how you are getting on x x


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## sass30

Thanks DIY diva I had a melt down hence I hadnt been on here a while. £600 I think as a disposable income after all bills food and fuel is more than enough for us, that doesnt include overtime and we said the child ben oayment will go in our childs saving account, lets just hooe the sw agrees lol. How is everything going for you diy diva ? X


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Good thanks Hun, 

Got our medicals today so that will be another box ticked once it's done   hoping to go to panel in October so we will wait and see if everything is back on time. Have been crazy busy painting wood work and ceilings for carpets to be delivered on Thursday. x x


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## sass30

Home study visit part 3, 

we had our 3rd hs today and I want to scream and shout about it, it was fantastic, itnwas about financials which I was sooooo worried about but I needant of been, we did a spreadsheet and showed exactky what went there. She was hapoy with what ee did and no problems. I am over the moon and cant seem to stop crying as she said "when you are placed" to which she said she had no doubts that we wouldnt be, such an amazing meeting, we have 3 more to go , 2 in october and one in nov before our civil partnership, 
        I can finally enjoy these meetings x


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## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad it's a big relief to get the worrying ones over isn't it.  Fantastic news bet you can't wait for civil partnership to go through hope the plans are going well x x


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Fab news honey, you can relax now  xxxx


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## gettina

I'm really pleased this isn't going to be a problem. You can indeed relax a bit now and focus on more important things. Yay. 
Gettina


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## MummyAuntieKatie

Great!  So pleased you have passed that hurdle!  Good luck for the rest xxx


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## sass30

What can I say ,.........its been a very busy few month.why I thought it was a good idea to plan a civil partnership in may for the big day in november and to adopt is beyond me, It has been worth every tear and stressful time. We have a meeting tomorrow and then only 2 more, this journey has been amazing and all the supoort has been invaluable . Il update tomorrow after meeting,


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## Mummy DIY Diva

It will be well worth it when it's done and it will be lovely day I am sure.  Glad everything is going well xxx


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## sass30

Had our 4th home study meeting on thursday. Said to DP that we cant believe its only 4. Seems to be going on for ages lol. 
  Our sw isnt giving anything away so not sure how we are doing.
Finally we will be moving off the subject of us and on to about children in care ect.  can not believe we have 3 meetings left then await a panel date . Panel will be after xmas. We are preparing for a long wsit on matching as ee have been specific in the chld we want. Were lucky as my parents have retired and my dp mum only works a couple of hours a week. This is going to enable us to still work full time. Plus im only taking 9 month off work so we gave asked for younger the better with no additional needs. May be selfish but we have thought long and hard about what we and our support could manage. 
  Going to be re decorating the whole flat (not sure this is a good idea) but will keep me busy. Cats will be going in the cattery so they dont stick to the wall lol.
  We will be looking to move in a couple of years so not going ott.
    Anyway i best go as i have my flu jab today. Have a good weekend everyone and congrats to all those who have bug yeses at panel this week x


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## Mummy DIY Diva

All sounds fantastic to me you're doing great.  If there was any issues sw would raise them.  In adoption hs no news is good news.  Redecorating is a great idea I have been doing loads round our house and it has really kept me busy and sane. People think I am crazy doing even more at a busy time but for me it is nest building and the only thing I can do for our children at this time x x x x


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## flickJ

It's good news that all seems to be going well for you   

As regards the child you want, only you know what you can cope with and the fact you have thought long and hard about it can only be a good thing. 

Good luck with the decorating, I don;t envy you


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## sass30

Thank you flick j and diy diva.  We are just amazed by the support through this process. 
I cant believe that this may our last xmas as a couple. Diy diva your right i think if anything was wrong our sw would of spoke up. Got results of medical. All good apart from need to lose weight. We knew that would be mentioned so we already taking action .
We had to write our 300 word pen picture which was hard. Its difficult selling ourselves as a couple in 300 words.
I am greatful for this site as it has helped us a lot.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Lolly who has recently had her little pink placed says being a mummy is the best weight loss plan. No better way to loose weight than running after a lo x x


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh my goodness, it's so true!! Like a 12 hour a day exercise routine!!


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## Wyxie

Really glad to hear things are going well so far.  You may not wait as long as you think at the moment, there seem to be so many babies coming through the system.

I don't think there's any reason to apologise for having quite a clear idea of what you would and wouldn't willing take on in terms of a match.  I don't think it's any more or less selfish than anyone else thinking about their future family.  The desire to have a family - whether biological or adopted - is, fundamentally, a selfish one.  We are genetically hard wired to crave the fulfilment of having a family.  The selfish motivation behind our drive for children is irrelevant, because once we have our babies our love for them transforms the selfish desire into a selfless love and commitment we wouldn't have imagined possible, and in such a natural progression we don't even notice it.

Think I lost where I was going with that, but never mind.  All the best with the rest of your home study. 

Wyxie xx


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## sass30

Wyxie thank you so much for your kind words. Shed a little tear. X


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## sass30

Morning all

Yesterday we had another fantastic visit and our next meeting is our final one.  Our SW will then do referee visit . We should be at panel in january which is my 30th next year so that would be a great pressent. We have grown close to our SW and will be sad when we have no more visits. I see them as a comfort.
    We have a care policy to fill in which looks really hard. 
This has been a exciting journey and as long as our referances are fine i cant see any problems.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Brilliant news the new year will be here in no time x z


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## sass30

Apologies for being out the loop for a while. Sooooo much has happened.
  Had my civil partnership on the 30/11/13 .What an amazing day. Very stressfull and full on but its done .
Our last meeting was cancelled in november as our SW needed a op so we had this on thursday 5th december. Finally 6 months od meetings done. 
  We go to panel on the 24th January a week after my 30th birthday.what a present that will be for me to be approved. 
  Glad the meetigs are over just need the referance meetings to go well(there next week) .


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Congratulations on the civil partnership bet it was a fabulous day        

Also congratulations on the panel date what a busy few weeks. Have an amazing Christmas with so much to look forward to in the new year x x x x


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## flickJ

Best wishes to both of you!!!!!!  

How perfect for you to have finished your HS before christmas so you can relax and get ready for an exciting new year


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## sass30

Thanks diy diva and flickj it is the best feeling knowing hime study is over. I keep having moments like omg what if we cant cope. I have to go back to work after 7 months so what if its not what i thought it was going to be. Really scary  moments . just seems its coming so fast. We are doing christmas just us two this year, no presents just eachothers company and our fluffy babies charlie and peppa(our cats) hope you both have a fab xmas too.x


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## sass30

I am avoiding ******** as i write his. Loads of comments about panaramas "i want my baby back" not getting in to the debate.

Anyways im mega excited as i go to sleep 29 and wake up 30 tomorrow. 11 more days til panel and a yes would be the best pressent ever. Got champaine one ice ready. Hope your all doing well x


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## flickJ

Best wishes Sass00   

and good luck for panel, you'll be celebrating in no time


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Happy Birthday lovely. I purposely avoided Panorama decided not to upset and annoy myself. Not long now


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## sass30

Today is the day. We are going to panel today. Every time i logged on here there qould be someone else going and i was always wishing it was us. We have worked so hard to get here and this is the make or break situation. Hopefully we get our yes and can get the spare room sorted and the 12 boxes that is the nursery set can be finally built. All the luck to anyome se at panel today x


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Good luck to you both today. 

Xxxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

You'll be amazing good luck x x x


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Good luck to both of you, this is your day!


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## Flash123

Good luck sass, can't wait to get your good news xxx


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## Wyxie

Good luck, look forward to hearing how you get on.

Wyxie xx


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## sass30

Its been a week since we were approved. Juat awaiting the formal letter to arrive. I kept sayig we were happy to wait to be matched but oh my god its hard.

I find myself clock and phone watching at work. We have been invited to our first adoption activity day. We have had to go on our local consortium as we will never get placed in our countym i always said.we would never do an adoption day but i suppose it is bringing profiles to life. We have said under 3/2 and have asked for a baby also but i think we will be given profiles of the 3/2 age. 
    Hopefully we will get a link soon as this waiting is awful.
We put our nursery set up last weekend and it looks fab.safety gates are also up. Quite funny watching one cat (charlie) jump them all and pepper just sits un front of it crying then licks it to death. Dont think she is grasping it yet. Tell you what there bloody hard to open.
    
We have been allocated a new social worker. Ours has took up an internal post so we now have a sw that has never sine adoption. She has inly ever worked as a FSW so i have a feeling it may take longer. Heading out today to buy more things for the LO room and bathroom. Our savings have gone to zero since the wedding but we have eachother and like anyother family we will manage. Hopefully those of us still waiing will find our forever families soon xx


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## Primmer

Congrats on the approval and really hope it's not too long a wait for you.


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## sass30

Hello everyone. What a whirl wind its been since approval in january. We have a fantastic new social worker qho cant do enough for us. We were linked to a 19month little pink. She has found her forever with some good friends of ours. It was bloody hard getting the rejection but i couldnt be happier for her as she is going to an amazing home. 
  We have 2 other links a couple of days ago. Pinks again aged 7 month and 4 months.  Had our profile criteria changed as we were more set on a boy but now the links were getting are girls and its opened my heart to the prospect of a little girl or boy.  The hardest part so far is reading a profile and envisioning them in your life and home. You sub consiously start to plan things like birthdays or christmas.  Best thing is i have a fab support networt and it helps we have gone this journey with friends in same position and we have made friends for life.  Really excited for the times ahead and the looking for our littleone.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Good luck hun hope one of these is your lo x x


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## gettina

Oooh wow - I so hope one of these links is your little one! 
Gettina xx


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## Primmer

Really hope that one of these little pinks is for you - exciting times x


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## sass30

A bit dishartened. A week ago we asked for the 2 pinks profile and still nothing. Our SW always calls and emails and ive emailed 3 times with no reply. She is in woek as i have called and left messages. Have we done something wrong? As thats how i feel. So deflated at the moment :0(


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Hugs thats really rubbish   I think you need to leave a message on a general office number saying you're really concerned about sw because she's not responding . Perhaps a bit of colleague pressure would help x


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## sass30

today has been a rough day.i am off work sick due to a severe asthma attack yesersay and i am sat here thinking we are 5 months post approval and yet nothing. all those children that need adoptiong and no link for us.  sick of phoning sw as i feel im bothering and she has no further info. We are no furher forward yet our life is onhold and consumed with thia whole process. I cant book leave with work as i want to keep my leave dor extra time off i want to go in for promotion but cant as i dont know what the next 6 months are going to be. At the moment im just exhausted with it all.


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## crazyspaniel

Just wanted to say I remember the feeling well, it's a horrible part of the process...
Your time will come, I hope it's soon for you


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## Sq9

This part is so hard but if I've learnt anything in the last 8 months we've been waiting for a match it's that putting your life on hold will send you round the bend  .  Book some leave and definitely put in for promotion.  It will give you something to focus on other than adoption and you need to do that.  It's taken me a while to realise that.  Like you, we put off booking leave and I've been treading water at work since christmas really, not putting myself forward for anything in case I had to leave part way through. We've just come back from a week in the sun and it was the best thing we've done as it's let us take a step back from the land of adoption (which I never thought I would be able to do) and has totally recharged our batteries.  Hang in there, our little ones are out there, they just aren't ready for us yet   .


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## sass30

Sq9 thank you. I have bought a load of paint and decided to decorate. Im iff work until end of next week so freshing up the house will keep me busy. I am so glad i have this forum as people outside adoption do not get it. Thank u xx


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## Primmer

Sass - I am not at this stage yet but can only imagine how awful it must feel to be waiting and hearing nothing. Hope your decorating will keep you busy.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Hugs this part really sucks! Great advice from SQ xxxx


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## sass30

Right i am out of the pitty party and in to the zone.
Managed to decorate 2/4 rooms. The flat has been boiling these  last few days. 
    I am not as concerned now in respect of profiles. Since the law changed its taking ages for placement orders to be granted. We have a link on adoption link to a little blue. We are against 4 other families , we also have a link to a little blue on cww and our sw said she was talking tona cpw about us and they have a little pink who is being granted her order soon and thy would like to meet us. She has turnner syndrome but we have always been very open and we can deal with quite a lot. We are very good researchers so we are awiting a meting ro see the severity of it. 
      I am so happy at the moment , our good friends adopted a gorgeous little girl and just seeing mammy and daughter together you can see there is a unconditional  bond. I really cant wait to be a mammy.  
      Ive been seconded to another dept at work(govermant worker) so i have managed to wack overtime in and replenish savings so when lo does comw ita shopping spreeeee.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Wow well done getting all that done fab xxx


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## Primmer

Sounds like you have been busy! Also sounding more positive regarding potential links which is great news! X


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