# Guys, I need a shoulder to cry on



## morgana (Aug 31, 2004)

Hi all,

Need to vent and know you are all there for me. As most of you will all know we were due to go to panel in Sept or Nov but everything has been blown out of the water.

My DH is in the forces and got posted suddenly a couple of weeks ago. We have been told that because we are going to Scotland that our SW will have to hand over our care to the LA up there and despite her best attempts it looks like we are going to have to start right back at the beginning. 

DH has already gone on ahead and I am here alone tearing my hair out. We have been denied an extension to our married quarters here and so I have to go in 8 weeks. I had just started a new job and I am going to have to hand in my notice within my first month. I've got no job to go to and if I take a break in service I will lose my enhanced adoption leave rate impacting on us financially in a huge way (was going to take a full year off but if I can't find a job in time I will have to go back after 6 months or we will really struggle). Also I have worked really hard to get the job I do and now will have to drop several grand a year for starters and can't find any jobs in my specialised area. While I know that my job with always come second best to my family it is what has sustained me and kept my sanity intact over all these years dealing with the infertility journey/ adoption

A few weeks ago our life was so simple and positive, we were feathering our nest with everything in place for panel. Now it's all going wrong and I feel like just getting into bed and pulling the covers over my head. I miss DH like crazy.

I know we will get through this, we are strong and a good team and will hold each other up but why now, we were so close and if we had been approved the LA in Scotland would just have done a quick assessment with us to ensure all was in order and it would have only meant a couple of months delay.

Trying to see the positives in this, it will mean when we finally do adopt we will be closer to both families and it is his final move before he goes back into civvi street so less disruption for the kids in the future but.....aaaaaargh.

Sorry to go on folks but as I said ,just needed to vent.

Morgana x


----------



## mini (May 17, 2004)

Mini xx


----------



## AnneD (May 9, 2005)

That stinks Morgana,

So close and yet so far.  Vent away, don't blame you one bit honey.  You'll get there in the end - if you haven't torn all your hair out by then that it   

 Take care,

AnneD xxxxx


----------



## superal (May 27, 2005)

Oh Morgana
Sending you a big hug! - I wish I knew what else to say to you, I'm here if you want to vent some more anger!


----------



## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

Oh Morgana, I really feel for you honey 

I don't know if they will be able to help, but it might be worthwhile contacting the SSAFA Forces Help - http://www.ssafa.org.uk/AdoptionService.html just to check.

Also have you though about using a VAA instead of the LA? I know that most only work within a certain radius of where you live, but there may be others in Scotland.

Good luck and try and keep positive.

T x


----------



## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

Morgana
so sorry to read yours, we are only just starting on the journey so can imagine how devastated you are feeling at this time.

SSAFA is a good place to start and i wish you heaps of luck xx


----------



## morgana (Aug 31, 2004)

Thanks all

We are actually with SSAFA but they are not licenced to approve adopters in Scotland at present although they have applied for it so they will either have to hand us over to the new LA or we will have to wait and hope they get approval. Poor SW is doing her best to try and sort something for us, I have complete faith and trust in her that she will do all she can.

Morgana x


----------



## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Morgana

Sorry to hear your news but like you say there are some positives out of it for any potential children you will be matched to if it is unlikely he will move/be posted again.

I hope you can get things moving fairly soon.  Perhaps IM Jenny, she's just swapped LA part way through.  Or Ruth was another who had to change too.  They may be able to put your mind at rest.

Hope everything works out for you.

Love
Karen x


----------



## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Hi Morgana

I Know im a bit late...but im really sorry to hear of all your problems that  you have been faced with...they sure dont make things easy for you do they!...  

I havent got any words of wisdom for you....it seems such a shame that you have to start again when panel is so close. Maybe the LA where you are moving to wioll maybe more helpful and give you some good news?!

Really hoping that you sort something out.

Natxx


----------



## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

Morgana so sorry to hear about this. I know how I would feel- Finally things start looking positive then a blow like this... here's hoping your sw will be able to work with the LA in scotland so not too much time goes by. I also understand the work/financial side of it.  We would struggle without me being able to get stat adoption pay, even though it is only 100 a week. it makes the difference for us.
hope things start looking a little rosier soon. It can't help not having dh there.
kylie
x


----------



## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Morgana,

So sorry to read your news, what a blow for you both.

Laine x


----------



## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Morgana

Sorry to hear of your problems.  Fingers crossed that your SW can sort something out for you.  It would be so unfair to come this far and then have to start again.

love
Cindy


----------



## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

Morgana

I am sure that you have probably already looked here, but I found this on one of my searches for something:

http://www.scottishadoption.org/

Good luck

T x


----------



## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Morgana, very sorry to hear about the disruption when you are so close to panel. 

My father was in the forces so we moved around a lot but when we started secondary school my parents bought their own house and my mother, brother and I stayed put and my dad came home to the marital home at weekends.  Is this not an option for you?  

You say you have to give up your married quarters but could you not stay with a friend locally or could you not rent a civvie street room/bedsit/house (finances permitting), keep on with your job and travel up to see your husband at weekends or he could travel alternate weekends to see you.  He could live in the married quarters in Scotland so that you have a secure base for the adoption people to visit to see if it is suitable for a child etc.  Staying put would only be until you went to panel in Sep/Oct.  Once you had got that far you could move to Scotland to rejoin your dh but it wouldn't mean that you had to start the whole adoption process again.

I also remember my father being able to refuse postings if he put forward a good reason why, surely your dh could do this as well and being so close to panel is a good reason I would have thought.  You say you want to go to Scotland ultimately so he could always put forward to go to Scotland again in a year's time?  

We swapped LAs recently.  We had to be police checked again but didn't have to do the preparation course again.  We hadn't got as far as medical or home study.

All the best

Jenny


----------



## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi Morgana,

what an absolute pain in the ar$* for you! We also had a move half way through oru home study, but it was my career that induced it rather than DHs. It was a tough call for us but the new job was better alround and was based much closer to family and friends, so it's worked out in the long run. Our hand over was very speedy. Oxford, where we are now were delighted to get such a bargain in that they didn't have to do any training and most of our form F was done. Literally the only delay was becuase we had to find and buy a house. So you might find that the timing won't be as delayed as you think. 

As for the finances that is more difficult. But i think you only have to work somewhere for 6 months before you can take leave (I think!) so what with say 3 months to panle and 3 months to find a match you could be alright, even if it's not your ideal job......and you'll be too busy with you new fmaily to be worried about that by then!

hope this cheers you up a bit!
XRuth.


----------



## morgana (Aug 31, 2004)

Hi guys,

Thanks for all the support

Jenny, nice to know someone else knows what army life is like. Problem is we already own a house in Scotland and as hubby is out of the army in a couple of years this would be his last chance to get a posting home. He was also really fed up with his unit down here and is loving the new one so has definitely been a good thing for him. Yes he could have pushed to stay here but it would have wrecked any chance at promotion and as we have been waiting 6 years for a posting home would have made things difficult for the longer term.

I have been thinking about staying on but to be honest the adoption is more important and if I stay here for a while the process will be on hold till I move up ( and rightly so ) It just would have meant that I would have got a really good adoption leave enhancement.

However, as time has passed I miss hubby more and more each day and I find I am looking forward to us being together again sooner rather than later. I have put some feelers out and should be able to walk into a basic job no problem and actually the drop in pay will not be as bad as I thought because I will probably get the highest increment on the lower job spec which means only a couple of thousand less which is manageable.

In fact all the positives outway the negatives and the only fly in the ointment is the delay in the adoption process. Our SW is now convinced that with a bit of 'tweaking' we will probably not have to repeat the whole thing and might have to repeat the home visits but not the prep course which is great news and we will be able to have an intense home visit package which will only delay things by a couple of months. If the new LA agree (and they seem to be considering it very positively) we could hopefully get to panel by Feb/ March time at the latest.

When you think I will be moving up in the next couple of months and then it will be nearly Christmas that's not too bad a timescale really so I am much happier and upbeat about it all. I guess sometimes we have to take a step back to go forwards eh!

Will keep you all up to date

Love Morgana x


----------



## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

Great news Morgana, glad that things seem to be on the up for you  

Let's hope that the new year is a good one for you.

T x


----------



## morgana (Aug 31, 2004)

Hi all

Just wanted to let you know there have hopefully been a few major 'ups' for me. Not going to say more incase I jinx the good luck but will hopefully be able to post some good news by end of week if all works out

Morgana x


----------



## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Morgana

Have everything crossed for you.  Hope it all works out with the move and the change in LA.

keep us posted

Love
Karen x


----------



## Vanilla (Sep 6, 2005)

Hi Morgana

I just wanted to express my best wishes to you, hope all will run smoothly in the months ahead. Thanks for your kind words to me also. Not feeling so low now - on the up. Always feel a little better when I've got a glass of vino to keep me company and on this site for advice and support!

Vanilla xx


----------



## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi Morgana

Glad to hear that things are looking a bit better for you.  Will keep my fingers crossed that everything goes well with your new LA.

love
Cindy


----------



## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Morgana

Glad to read you are feeling a bit more up & hopefully you might have some news to tell us by the end of the week..............you deserve some good luck & I'm sending a bucket full your way!


----------

