# New, 39, slight panic, which way to turn



## roisin (Dec 12, 2008)

Hello everyone,

I posted last night on another board, and was advised to repost here and on the singles board.  Sorry for the long post:

I'm almost 39, single and have only just realised with a bang that I may be sub-fertile because of my age and previous abdominal surgery.  Feel silly to have reached this age and have had my head in the sand the whole time thinking that it would be ok to start trying at 40 and that IVF was so easy.
I'm so pleased to be recommended this amazing site.  I've been researching lots but there's so much information that my head's spinning.  Any recommendations would be so very welcome.

About me: regular periods, have had day 21 test, waiting to have FHS test. I have some savings but of course don't know how much I am going to need - so I need to economise from the start because I would like to have 2 babies.

I see this as my best course of action (what do you think?):

1. Do 'One stop assessment' & chromosome test for genetic disorders at a Create clinic at Wimbledon asap. 

2. Find sperm donor.  I joined free-sperm-donations-worldwide and got so many emails from men.  However, I've got collywobbles - mainly as to safety, scary reports about men saying they wanted artificial insemination, then actually being sleezy and trying for sex. 

Otherwise use an anonymous donor, frozen sperm.  Does anyone know of a sperm bank where the donor would want contact with the child before age 18?  I guesss I'm hoping for the child to know its father.  

3.  After 4 attempts at artificial insemination, seek soft IVF and later full IVF.

4. If that fails, then try for surrogacy, probably abroad.  These are early days in my planning, but I've initially considered India as I'd be able to afford IVF, if that fails I'd have the embies in the country, would try for a surrogate.  Then again, maybe I'm jumping the gun and it would be better to go for IVF in the cheaper countries in Europe (East Europe?).

I've found the Clearblue ovulating predictor kit - however, it's only for 7 days.  Should I be testing every day to build up a picture? Would you recommend any other test and has anyone used the saline predictor tests?

Sorry for so many questions.  I would be really grateful for any advice. 

Sending my best wishes to all the people trying and dreaming.

Roisin


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

hi roisin

i dont think clinic offer to find donors who want to be known to the donor before 18.

with the ovulation predicter kits i used the digital clear blue monitor although i would say it maybe stressed me as much as it helped me. i dont think they are 100% accurate. if all your tests come back ok and it looks like they will offer you iui then i would just recommend they scan you to check how the follicle is growing so you can easily see when you are about to ovulate.

if you do want to use the pee sticks for ovulation. i think for the first month start testing from around day 5-7 depending on how long your cycle is.

there are people on here who are seeking known donors ... check out this thread

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=162501.0

i wouldnt worry about thinking about surrogate just yet ....

have you read this about donors?

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=169326.0

good luck with everything and let us know how you get on.

i am just guessing but i guess 'soft' ivf is just lower doses of the stimming drugs ... but each clinic shld really stim you to the level you need but i might be wrong.

aimeex


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## olivia m (Jun 24, 2004)

Please read what solicitor Natalie Gamble has to say about informal sperm donation in the thread Wise words about informal sperm donation.  It can turn out so VERY badly.  Also surrogacy abroad is a minefield and should not be contemplated without taking legal advice first.
Please think about how you will tell the story of his/her beginnings to your child, BEFORE taking any action.  This thought should be your constant guide.
Olivia


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## roisin (Dec 12, 2008)

Hi Aimee and Olivia

Thank you for your sound advice.  I have read Natalie Gamble's post.  

Aimee - I read that saliva testing (salt microscopes) may be very accurate, so I may use the pee stick and the salt microscope together.  Thanks tho re a scan, didn't know I could do that.  

Haven't had a chance to look at the donor link you sent, but will later. 

thanks again 

have a lovely day

x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I had a salivia thing and it was useless and I threw it out in the end, as I couldn't see a thing.  Clearblue digital were the best for me
L x


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## roisin (Dec 12, 2008)

Thanks JJ1 - I'll go for the Clearblue digital.

all the best
x


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