# just so low!!!!!



## Shell 2 (Oct 26, 2008)

I have had 2 attempts of iui 2 attempts of ivf my last one again!!!! didnt go the whole way. I got to ec only had 3 follies after a very high level of stim. anyway they only got one very young egg which alas didnt survive. It has been a week now I did my crying and so did dh then we have tried to get back to normal. I have been of work for a week (i work in a nursery!!!!!)  I am due to go back on thur I feel so numb and just cant see a turning point. My dh did not want to go back to see consultant as he think it i s too early. The thing is this was going to be our last try (been 13 yrs.) now i feel there is a carrott dangling is it that i dont produce eggs? if this is the case could do egg donation but honestly dont know how i feel about this.!!!!!!

i feel such a failure and not a real woman all my self esteem has gone. I am lucky i have a very supportive dh but he is taking it very hard and dont know where to turn. everyone is used to me putting a brave face on but dont know if i can the thought of walking into work thur and seeing all the babies makes me feel sick!!!!! my dh has recently been made redundant so i cannot lose my job.

Sorry to go on but have nowhwere else to turn and feels better letting it all out.
If anyone has any advice on how to cope or where to go from here without losing it I would really 
appreciate it.
xxxxxxx


Shell 2


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## tor.t (Feb 10, 2009)

Just had my second negative test on icsi today, had 2 iui, 1 ivf, and 1 icsi so far..... please don't be alone so many of us go through the heartbreak time and time again, there's always a next step you've just got find it, have you looked at egg donation? 

There is always another positive step you can take, even when it doesn't feel like it, be strong and don't give up!

X


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## cassiet-s (Feb 16, 2009)

Hi there
I have had 2x miscarriages and just recieved neg results to second icsi in a year,  i feel at a dead end also, can't afford to go on but don't want to give up.
There is always an answer its just finding it... only way i keep going is to keep believing


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## harmony (Aug 8, 2008)

Feel for you so much - indeed we all do as we have been or are going through the exact same emotional stress.

Sometimes there aren't any words of comfort - all I have been doing is crying and venting my frustration whilst at home. I do think it is good to let feelings - good or bad - come out, but obviously i know how hard it is when you have to put the obligatory 'brave face' on when you are in social company or at work. God that is very tough to be around all those children and wishing you were a part of it. I too am very resentful about women with children - particularly those you see in teh street who ignore their kids or smack or shout at them! I don't suppose you can confide in the boss - is she/he sympathetic? If so perhaps they can work with you whilst in work.

You must feel as the whole world/God is against you - what with your husband's job being made redundant. 

Does your clinic offer counselling - whilst I did not click with ours at the clinic yours maybe better to help you get thru the proceess of grieving - remember you have had a bereavement as real as if yuo have lost someone living. I can understand your husband and you not wanting to speak to the consultant yet, maybe you need something 'fluffy and nice' rather than someone speaking clinically with you (no offence to doctors out there it's' just that sometimes they may not be able to empathise the way we need).

So, take some time out - cry and shout when you ened to (at home preferably!), talk to yourself when at home, write down your feelings as it all will help remove the pain inside and help you both think clearly about moving foward and ready to cope with a new decision.

Harmony xxx


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## Shell 2 (Oct 26, 2008)

Thanx everyone for your kind words. Harmony thanks for the advice on how to get through this.
Love and hope to you all
Shell 2 xxxx


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## brizzy (Sep 9, 2009)

Hi there, i am sorry to hear your news. 
I really don't think there is a magic wand otherwise i would've waved it a billion times for myself.
It never gets any easier, i think each attempt teases you to try again.
We all deal with this a little differently. The main thing is to stay strong for each other. And try and appreciate what the other is feeling, very difficult at times, but i dunno how else me and my DH would've have survived.
Stay strong and go with your heart.


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## martakeithy (Aug 24, 2008)

Shell I'm so sorry about your unsuccessful cycles.      
This is such a hard process, mentally and physically, we really need to take care of ourselves and you are in the best place to get lots of support.
I agree with Harmony counselling may help you enormously and there are also infertility support groups in some areas, where you can actually meet with other people in the same situation as you.
Have you considered other options if you aren't responding to the drugs, I have heard of natural cycles, where the clinic waits for you to ovulate naturally with no stims and uses that egg.
Egg donation is a real hurdle to overcome, and if you don't know what to think about it then I don't think you are ready for it.
I have just had a failed second IVF and this was our final treatment as we are self-funding. We have some frosties, but aren't going to stop if they don't work.
One option we have considered is embryo adoption, where both the egg donor and sperm donor are anonymous. Our main reason for considering this option is financial it costs a quarter of the price of a regular IVF. Also for some reason I can cope better psychologically with an adopted embyro than with DP fertilsing another woman's egg. Totally irrational, but that just makes me feel awful. 
I just thought I would mention it, because generally the donors are young and healthy and I am healthy but not young, so I hope it makes a difference if we come to that point.


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