# Newbie learning the hard way - from BFP happiness to awaiting miscarriage



## pudlinski (Nov 28, 2008)

Hello all

Just been through my first cycle of IVF, opted for mild IVF, which am still glad about as reacted fast and still came out with 8 eggs, 7 fertilised and three blastocysts. Opted for a SET as was a high chance we could end up with twins and every stage of the process was top notch and we were told we had done really well. Had acupuncture in run up and directly before and after ET - which I can still highly recommend as the stress relief and relaxation benefits it brought were phenomenal.

The only real hitch came in the waiting time, when a well meaning friend - who ironically is also my homeopath - decided it was best to text me to tell me she was pregnant, which led to lots of stress and a sleepless night, not good. 

Guess my other concern is a niggling worry about candida, have had two or three alternative healthcare practitioners tell me I have candida, have done two diets to clear it and eat really healthily, but did have a little sugar and gluten during the process. I really don't know what to believe about whether candida issues even exist or whether its just a convenient diagnosis. 

Anyway, I digress. We had a BFP on Monday, but with an hcg of 35, so were told to test again on Weds - really hadn't expected that, had thought it would either be positive or negative. Weds result was 53, not good, only 51% increase. And then yesterday's result was 49, a decrease. So we are now waiting for me to start bleeding - stopped taking the progesterone pessaries last night, so hopefully it will come quickly. I've already been through shock, numbness, misery, anger, intense shaking, am now starting to plan for what we do next, but it feels like after all that positivity we are right back at just not knowing what the future holds, life has gone back into limbo and much as I know that the fact I got a positive at first shows I can get pregnant, it feels oh so cruel that I was allowed 24 hours to feel pregnant and start to feel 'normal' for the first time in two years, only to have it all taken away again. 

I watched an old episode of Friends during the fabled wait, it was the one where Rachel finds out that Ross likes her just when he's met someone else and given up on her. She's asked by one of the other friends how she's feeling and she says 'well I thought I was at rock bottom, but now there's rock bottom, 50 feet of c*@p and then me'... I think that after two years of periods arriving when I really didn't want them to, that line totally captures how I am feeling today! 

Would really appreciate hearing from anyone else who has felt or does feel the same x


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## beachgirl (Jun 7, 2007)

Pudlinski   so sorry to hear about your impending m/c   it's awful having that dream so cruelly taken away.  There's a thread on Pregnancy Loss where you can come and talk.  Big hugs hun x


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## pudlinski (Nov 28, 2008)

Thanks for your reply, its really appreciated. I going to head to Pregnancy Loss straight away.

- jeez that sentence I just wrote sounds ironically funny, first light moment in a sea of darkness eh!!! x


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## beachgirl (Jun 7, 2007)

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=12.0 Here's the link x


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