# Who's had counselling? Would you recommend it?



## BeeBee (Jan 23, 2006)

Hi

Just wanted to hear from anyone who's had counselling to help them decide about whether to stop treatment or to come to terms with not being able to have any more treatment. 

It's something i'm considering (had 9 attempts) but am wondering if it will only upset me even more to go through all my history and my feelings and if i'd be better off on my own or if it could help me.

many thanks
BB
x


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## BeeBee (Jan 23, 2006)

Hi Meredith

many many thanks for your reply, i can see you spent some time on it for me.

I think you make a lot of valid points and I am seriously considering counselling now and will check out the BICA link.

I'm not sure if group counselling would be for me. I've previously met up with people i met on this forum and although initially made friends, we later had problems due to our differing stages in treatment. I think one-to-one would suit me better.

thanks again
BB
x


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## eibhlin (Mar 4, 2009)

Hi BeeBee,

Hope you're feeling well   

Here's our experiences, hope they are helpful!

Initially we tried counselling but it didn't really suit us, we didn't warm to the counsellor and it felt as though she didn't really understand our situation and furthermore she wasn't really able to offer us much except the opportunity to talk.  So while it gave me another opportunity to cry and talk through issues, it didn't really work for DH and afterwards we felt in exactly the same position.  In my experience IF isn't like other issues I've faced, and I'll be honest with you, about 10 years I was in a dark space, went to a different counsellor and found it very helpful, and that counsellor made me understand things about my childhood that really have helped me to this day.  So it might have just been the counsellor we had.  

However as with IF there's normally nobody to blame, no behaviour we can change that will make it go away for us (not everyone though, lots of people find counselling exceptionally helpful for IF) it didn't really work and we were dissatisfied.

Anyway I still felt DH and I needed help with IF from someone independent (i.e. not a friend/family member, clinic advisor, acupuncturist - we do of course use these too   but I wanted some more support for us and a safe place to express what we were feeling).

What happened was I read an article on the role of cognitive behavioural therapy (cbt) in helping people ttc and a cognitive behavioural therapist living in our city was mentioned.  I showed this to DH and he agreed to give it a blast.  

We've only been to her twice, in our own time (about once every five weeks or so) and our last session was very much around the meaning of a life without children, as this was something we both were finding it difficult to grapple with at the time.  

Now I don't have any answers yet, but over the past few weeks since our last session I've begun to imagine a future without a family in a more positive light than ever before.  This is incredibly powerful for me as before this it would reduce me to a tearful mess to even conceive of such a thing (pardon the pun).  Having children is something we would adore, but it might not happen, and it certainly isn't anyone's fault, it's just lousy luck.  I want to live a full life and the cbt is certainly helping me feel that IF isn't the totality of my future.

We go together and have both found it incredibly useful, DH as well.  We talk all the time anyway (both great yappers) but the reason I like cbt is that it isn't just talking, it's much more, she offers loads of constructive advice and also has made me realise I'm not mental (well not more mental than anyone else anyways!) explaining to us that a lot of our behaviours are perfectly rational coping strategies (this has relieved considerable stress) and gives advice on how to deal with different scenarios and issues that have come up for us, rather than just listening as the counsellor had.  

The thing about all of this is that while cbt is working for us now, the best approach differs a lot from person to person, and different counsellors are also very different we've found.  I'd recommend you research different types of approaches, or just ring a few and try one you think sounds good.  From our experience I'd also suggest that if one counsellor/approach doesn't suit you then try another one before ruling it out.  DH really disliked the counsellor but likes our new cbt one.  

On this IF journey our approach has been to try anything once and then stick with whatever we feel suits us best!  That's why we still are going to cbt but I rarely eat brazil nuts, drink pineapple juice, and have started drinking vino again!

I hope my long ramblings have been of some help to you!

best of luck!

xox


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