# Hello and surrogacy advice urgently needed



## Stubborn

Hello,  I am new here.  I have been struggling with infertility for several years and have had a lot of treatment.
I was diagnosed with cancer of the endomitrium in May and had a hysterectomy 3 weeks ago.  I am now 41.
I have kept my ovaries but was told last week I need radiotherapy, which is very likely to damage them.
I have found a clinic that will carry out IVF and freeze my embryos (hopefully within the next 3 weeks as I need to start radiotherapy soon).  However they do not get involved in surrogacy and made me feel like it was a dirty word.
We have a possible surrogate already lined up, but there is no point in going through all the stress and expense of getting embryos if there is nowhere that will help us. 
I have searched on Google, and looked on COTS website and HFEA website but everywhere is surprisingly unhelpful with regards to surrogacy.

Does anyone know of a clinic in the West/South West of England that will carry out IVF on a surrogate?  We are paying for all of it.
According to one site Bath RUH does, but there is nothing on their website to confirm this.  I checked The Spire in Bristol, and again, there is nothing on their website.  BCRM in Bristol does not (but don't say that on their website...)

Sorry for the long rambling message.  We were told on Wednesday of last week my ovaries would be damaged and got our IVF appointment today. The IVF starts Monday so I am in a panic.


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## apricot

Hi there - just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are having to go through all this. Finding a clinic can be a bit of a needle in a haystack, but take your time picking the one to do surrogacy with as they all have different criteria with regard to counselling etc. My clinic will only do it for people they have treated for IVF or immunes (and failed with) in the past. But you could easily do IVF with the clinic you have already found if you are happy for them to do that, and then transfer the frozen embies to another clinic for surrogacy later on (with most clinics you have to leave it 6 months unless you are using frozen sperm anyway). 

I would call all the clinics in your area and ask them direct about their policy. There are other clinics around the country it may be worth calling if you get stuck and I am pretty sure the HFEA or COTS can let you know whcih clinics in the UK do surrogacy, but again check their success rates and the process. If the embies are frozen it us better to try and pick a clinic near the surrogates home for the transfer if you can as the whole process can be very disruptive for their family life, particularly if they have to travel a long way to get to the clinic.

Good luck hun - it does work and it is a wonderful if exhausting process. PM me at any time if you need help xxxxxxxx


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## Diane72

CARE, Fertility & Gynaecology Academy and LWC will do surrogacy but you would probably also have to do the IVF cycle with them


D x


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## ♥JJ1♥

I would contact the infertility network to help you find out clinics. But in London, crgh, lwc, Argc,hammersmith, fga, ? Bridge, create, Crm.
It might not be in their brochure as it isn't asked for as often as ivf, plus they need a special license forbid I fount out when I went to the lister who said they didn't have it.good luck


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## Stubborn

Thanks for the help so far ladies - it is appreciated.

I have to do the IVF within the next month (ideally 3 weeks) as I have to start radiotherapy urgently.  The clinic I have been with for the last 3 years will do the IVF but can't recommend anywhere for the surrogacy. I don't have the time to find another clinic and start again from scratch.
The surrogate we have has 4 children and a job, so London would be very difficult for us.  You'd think there would be somewhere in Bristol, or even Cardiff but I can't find anywhere.  I found out yesterday we can squeeze in the IVF before treatment and need to know before we start on Monday if there is anywhere we can carry out the surrogacy stage. 
I don't want to postpone the radiotherapy, go through IVF, and then find the embies have to be destroyed because there is nowhere that will carry out the surrogacy.

I am finding this so hard - 2 months ago I was due to start 'normal' IVF, and now I am coping with cancer, hysterectomy, and having to sort all this out. 

Right - snap out of it girlie and go and do something useful


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## Marie2008

Hi Stubborn.....glad to see you are so stubborn and I'm sure it'll get you there.    


Sorry I can't advise on which Clinics do it in your area but I just wanted to say don't panick and certainly don't stop your IVF jsut beacuse you haven't found anywhere.


Go ahead with your IVF and you can then get the forstie's transferred to the Clinic you find later.


There were only 600 Surrogacies in the UK last year and not all of these would have been host sorrogacy using an IVF Clinic. Therefore the numbers are so small that clinics never bother communicating that they do it on their websites.


I would imagine most of the good Private clinics will do it and they should be sympathetic. You're current Clinic sounds awful to be so negative!


I too am considering host surrogacy as my next option and my Clinic the ARCG in London said they do it no problem. It's pretty straight forward as it's just a normal FET the only difference is it's going back into a differrent person. 


Good luck


Marie x


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## Marie2008

Hi Stubborn,


There is a list of clincs that do it on the COTS website.


I posted before after only reading your first post.


I am so so sorry you are faced with all this and the time pressures on top must be making the stress even more intense.   


You are so brave!! Sending you lots of luck and   


Marie x


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## NatGamble

Hi Stubborn

Have you tried the London Women's Clinic in Cardiff?  I know they deal with surrogacy cases and they are a lovely team too.

Natalie


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## nostalgicsam

Hi "Stubborn",

Have you thought about using one of the CARE clinics ? tho I think they're mainly based in the midlands, we used Wessex Fertility in Southampton. Anyway I digress;

You can find a list of clinics that 'do' surrogacy via HFEA, the clinics you need are those that have a licence for handling donor embryos as that's what clinics view the process of surrogacy as, surrogacy isn't regulated by the HFEA but embryo donation is.

You can view a list of all clinics here:

http://guide.hfea.gov.uk/guide/AllClinics.aspx?x=A&y=T

or you can go here to enter your postcode and search for a clinic near you ( you need to tick for a clinic that does ivf and tick egg donation and it will come up with the local clinics that handle embryo donation):

http://guide.hfea.gov.uk/guide/AdvancedSearch.aspx

BTW as you may note from my siggy I had womb canver, total hyst and ovaries removed and went on to have twins via surrogacy, so please know it can and does work out, also please rememebr that embies can be moved about the country so I'd personally go thru the IVF (I did prior to my hyst) at whatever clinic you find nearest you or not near you just to get your embies 'made' pronto, 'cos you can always move them to another clinic later if time is an issue due to treatment, finally if you want to chat or ask someone who has been thru it feel free to pm me
HUGS
Sam
x

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## lily17

Hi Stubborn

Dont worry- finding a clinic to treat you is the least of your worries!
Lots of clinics will treat- they just dont advertise the fact, as everyone gets a bit up tight about it as it is slightly unconventional, and the law is complicated as to what clinics are allowed to do and how etc etc. You have just find a consultant and ask them if they would be willing to treat you and to be honest I cant see you having a problem at all anywhere. Most consultants would help you in your circumstance.
Just relax, have your IVF, get those egg frozen and get your treatment done, then worry about recovering and then find a clinic. 
If there is any chance of fertilising the eggs with hubbys sperm before they are frozen to create embryos, they have a much higher chance of success once thawed. Frozen eggs unfertilized dont survive or fertilize as well once frozen and thawed. So if you can get the eggs fertilized then frozen that would be a better option.
good luck, dont worry it will all be fine
lily xx


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## Stubborn

Thank you all so much for your support.  The place recommended by NatGamble looks good so at least one place does it within reasonable commuting distance. 
Now the only worry is whether I can get IVF and egg collection done before my first radiotherapy in 3 weeks. 

It has been a difficult 5 years and the knowledge it could all be over in 3 weeks isn't helping!

Onwards and upwards ladies...


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## lily17

Stubborn,

Is it critical that you have the radiotherapy in 3 weeks? Will your life be in danger if they dont? Is there any chance of postponing the radiotherapy so you have more time to get the eggs out, and maybe have 2 cycles of IVF ?
I understand how serious your treatment is, but sometimes there has to be a balance. -Rushing  radiotherapy treatment may stop your chances of ever having genetic children of your own, its a big deal. You dont want to look back and say, oh  wish I had postponed the therapy for a month.
Once the radiotherapy is done, your eggs are damaged for ever, its very final 
I think you should at least discuss this with your consultant. If you are expected to make a full recovery after all your treatment, you at least need the chance to have a god shot at getting eggs and making embryos.
Sending hugs to you, you have a lot on your plate   
Good luck what ever happens  
Lily xx


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## Stubborn

Yes, I do need the radiotherapy within a certain time. That is why this is so fraught.  At the start of June it was agreed I would keep my ovaries ready for surrogacy once I recovered from the hysterectomy.  3 weeks ago it was recommended I have radiotherapy, which has to be done within 8 weeks of the original op.  I was 'strongly advised' by my oncology doctor to have the treatment, but they could not insist.  Personally I am not prepared to take the risk at this stage as the cancer was more advanced than they originally thought.  Not a fun time to say the least.
I started the IVF drugs this evening.  I know I don't have much time, and I know it is absolutely my only chance.  I am trying to cope with having my womb removed, I am trying to cope with needing radiotherapy, and I am trying to cope with the damage the radiotherapy will do to my insides.  I am finding trying to cope with this IVF a tad much on top of it all, so knowing if this fails it is all over is making me a little snappy and distracted.
It's my poor husband I feel sorry for.  He has to put up with me being stressed, sticking 2 needles in me every evening, spending thousands on treatment, coping with his wife having cancer and ops etc and generally having to be strong and keep working hard.
We have joked that I should have gone out and drunk alcopops, picked up a random bloke in a pub and had a quickie in a park on the way home - that seems to be a sure fire way to get pregnant!

Thanks for the advice and support ladies - especially appreciated as I am a newbie. xx


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## lily17

Oh Stubborn
Im sending cyber hugs   you do have alot to deal with.
Dont panic just dont!
It would be great if you can get a few of your eggs out this 'final' cycle ( make sure if they do that they are fertilized before freezing)( much great chance of success and surviving thawing)
But its really not the end of the world if it doesnt work- dont worry  
Your health is the priority, so you need to zap that big C good and proper, and well..... you may grieve for your own fertility- once you are through all the treatment, but once the dust has settled, and you are well and free from any C, you do have options if you dont get any eggs ( I cant see why you wouldnt).
Many women cant have babies of their own with their own eggs for many medical reasons, so they have donor eggs, fertilized by hubbys sperm and implanted into a surrogate who will carry the baby for you.
In fact thats what we are doing.
I have had donor eggs from a clinic in Russia, fertilised with my husbands sperm, and implanated into our surrogate who will carry the baby for us.
It all may sound a bit over the top, but really its all straight forward, not complicated, and surrogate and I just hopped on a plane had transfer, and came back.
So if all doesnt work out there is hope. Hope is very important when you face trauma and emotional turbulance  
So what im trying to say is there are things that can still make you a mum to a tiny baby, that you could love just as your own.
So try not to panic, all is not lost, it may not be the way you first thought, but there are possibilities.......
I hope it all goes well for you    with everything I really do

Lily xx


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## nostalgicsam

Hi Stubborn how are you doing ? I totally get the speed and stress of it all, I was given the option of doing one go at IVF prior to my total hyst, it was my only chance too, once I had done the IVF and had embies frozen I went straight onto dealing with the cancer, op, rcovery etc and then looked into surrogacy, the rest they say is history as my twins are almost 3 yrs old, surrogacy can and does work, I know I greived and was depressed for ages for my loss of fertility and having cancer etc but I am so glad I did the IVF and even if it hadn't worked I know I'd be more able to carry on with my life knowing I tried. xx


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## Stubborn

Thanks for the support Lily and Sam.
It is good to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and surrogacy CAN work, and even if it doesn't I don't have to give up.  We are so strong aren't we, stronger that many people even realise.
I am a few days in with the IVF (so feel hormonal and rubbish, but that just means it is working).
I had a scan yesterday and am responding to the drugs.  I hope I respond quickly enough but at the moment things are looking fine.  I have the dates for the radiotherapy too and the person sorting it has given me the latest date possible to start which gives me a few more days for the IVF.
It has been agreed we will have ISCI rather than basic IVF just to increase the chance of the eggs fertilising so we can freeze embies, not just eggs.
I think once I have had the IVF (whether it works or not) and the radiotherapy (which will work, I've given my insides a stern talking to), I will have time to absorb what has happened to me since the start of June, and mourn what I need to mourn. Then I can stop flapping about and get focused on life again.

I'm glad I have found this site - people understand on here  

x Stubborn


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## tisonlyme

Hi,  Haven't been on here for a whilew but thought i'd pop on to say that as Sam knows my story is like yours.  I was diagnosed with womb cancer when i was 30.  I made the decision to not go through IVF as I just wanted to get started on treatment and have my op.  My decision was to deal with the cancer first and then grieve for not being able to have my own children.  
I'm glad i made that decision as my cancer was caught very early and i will always be very thankful of that.  Whilst recovering from my hysterectomy i had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that i would never have children.  I have a wonderful husband and family who did the best to support me but they just couldnt understand.  I fuond lots of support here once i started thinking about surrogacy - especially Sam 
I am now 2 years on, still with my all clear, i have found a wonderful surro.  We are just waiting for her cycles to become regular after coming off the depo injection then its onto tracking cycles.  
Never give up.  If you need support then always ask for it.
Good luck with all your treatment xx


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## silver6

Hi Stubborn, 
Came across your posts while looking at the surrogacy section as I need to have a hysterectomy because of multiple prolapse following the birth of my son (a DE baby born after many losses and failed treatments with my own eggs) - hoping not to let his frosty brothers and/or sisters go without a fighting chance. I feel very humbled by your posts - you are in a horrid situation right now but you come across as really strong and dignified. I just wanted to wish you all the luck in the world, both with the IVF and with the cancer treatment. I also wanted to let you know that, if by any chance you don't get any eggs, please do give the idea of donor eggs some thought. It isn't genetics that make you love someone, and I know from friend who have adopted that carrying a baby isn't the secret either. In fact, I'm meeting up next week with a friend who adopted and she and I both love our little ones so much that we couldn't imagine a better outcome than the one we've had. You sound like you would be a fab mum and I really hope you get that chance.
Love
Silver xx


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## Stubborn

Thanks for your support, both of you  

I am quite excited as it is egg collection tomorrow (we are hoping for about 5 as one ovary is hopeless and not responding).

Fingers crossed for a good freezing    

Silver, we have discussed adoption but would prefer to try other options first.  The other alternative is turning into a bird rescue which is nearly as messy as having a toddler and just about as noisy! Good luck with your remaining frosties.

xx Stubborn


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## nostalgicsam

Just popping in to wish you well for tomorrow Stubborn    for lots of eggs and resulting embies    haha bird resuce would sure have an equivalent amount of poop   


ah thanks Tis, glad to hear things are moving well for you and your surro hun x


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## ♥JJ1♥

stubborn wishing you lots of luck
L x


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## LouGhevaert

Dear Stubborn

I just wanted to send my best wishes too and to say I hope the egg collection went well.

As the other have said, there are lots of options to look at on the family front once you're through your treatment - including surrogacy.  Take it one step at a time and weigh up all the options carefully when the time is right.

All the best

LouGhevaert


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## Stubborn

We have four little frosties!!!


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## lily17

yay- !  well done....now get yourself better .....breathe ....and relax! 

Lily X


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