# Focusing on others



## mitch_ems (Dec 17, 2008)

Hello

So Christmas is over and its been less painful this year...we've spent lots of time with others people's children and I've enjoyed it...

...I am convinced that the way for me to find some fulfilment/ compensation for failure in having my own family will come from supporting others, be it friends or family who are exhausted with their own responsibilities or children who are living in terrible circumstances in the UK and elsewhere.  It seems so unfair and desperately sad that there are children who are so desperate for love in some places and women/ couples so desperate to give it in different places. 

I don't know if there is a charity somewhere that matches the 2..but I would like to find it, or work with others to set it up.  

Please let me know if you can help. 

Thanks

Emma


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## Toddle (Nov 19, 2008)

Try Home Start - they are always looking for volunteers to support struggling families.

xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Dear Emma,
Christmas is so hard - well done you for getting through it. And it is great that you are looking outwards and trying to find a way of dealing with your predicament in a positive way. I agree with you that it is always helpful to try to help others (and that's partly how this board works). In helping others we help ourselves. Also, on a philosophical note, I have read in various books that the way to happiness is through service to others. We watched Groundhog Day over Christmas (one of my favourite films) and I think that is the message of the film. The main character (Bill Murray) escapes his misery when he starts making himself useful to others in the town. He also accepts himself 'in the moment', which has Zen Buddhist associations (oh that film is DEEP!)  
Hope 2009 brings you great and unexpected blessings!
Bernie xxx


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

Hi Toddle

Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't Home Start look for volunteers who are parents themselves?  Certainly in my area the adverts are all something along the lines of 'are you an experienced parent or grandparent...'

Jx


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## Toddle (Nov 19, 2008)

Hi Pol

You are right in that it is an organisation set up for 'parents' to help other 'parents', however I am not a parent and I am a volunteer for them...

I told them I had experience with my neices/nephew etc and that I was keen to help and work as a volunteer.  I had an interview at home, I attended the Home Start preparation training and was assigned a family.

I have been working with the same family for 18 months now...

If you are interested it is worth giving them a call as they are always looking for volunteers (I doubt you would be turned away even if you are not a parent - I certainly wasn't!).

Toddle x


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

Hi Toddle

That's extremely interesting - I think Home Start is a brilliant idea and will definitely consider getting involved if they'll have me (although not just this minute as am currently in a job that involves a lot of travel, but hope to change that in the next few months so then would be more available!)

J


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi,

Just another idea:-

My boss is a volunteer who has a one on one relationship with a boy aged about 11 who is "looked after" by social services. At first he was in care (a home) and now with foster parents. My boss has known him for a couple of years and has a long term commitment to him for as long as he wants - at least till he is 18 I think. After he comes of age it's up to them whether to keep in touch.

She sees him at least once a week and her role is to be a caring adult who gives quality time. I know she both gives and gains a lot from being with him.

I think she would have liked children but as she reached middle age without that happening looked for another way to fullfill what I call the mothering spirit. (Sorry if that sounds soppy.) Also as a single person with a tough job she does not feel able to foster or adopt. 

I think this is something that is arranged with the Local Authority Soicial Services. I don't think they are particularly looking for experience as a parent, aunt or anything like that, just people who care and can be a good role model.

Hope this may give some people new ideas,

Love Jq xxx


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