# Feel so guilty for feeling like this - but so down today - long!



## Rachel2 (Oct 3, 2004)

Hi all - I haven't posted on here for ages! We conceived dd thru first iui in 2004 (v lucky!!) but have since had 4 iui's and 2 ivf's ttc no 2. The only person I have told is my best friend - who has had fertility issues herself due to severe endo. She conceived her ds naturally in 2005 after about 2 yesrs ttc - little did she know then what a miracle that was as she since found out her endo was so bad her ovaries and bowel and uterus were all stuck together. We are very close friends and she is the only one I can talk to about everything - and we always moan about women who fall pg at the drop of a hat! Anyway - she was put thru a temporary menopause and about a month ago had an op to remove most of her endo. One tube was too scarred but the other was opened up. She was waiting for her first period - but last Monday she did an ovualtion test just in case which was negative - then as there was a free pg test in the pack she did it (like me she is a pee stick addict!) and she got a very surprising bfp!!! She told me today as it is the first time I have seen her - and my first instinct was pure happiness for her and I gave her a big hug. We went for a coffee and talked about how we couldn't believe it etc etc - and I am so pleased for her - but since she left I feel so down. We always talked about our children possibly being only children - and neither of us wanted it - and she was the last of my friends to have just one child. I feel like our friendship will change as she won't want to hear me moaning about my situation now that hers is sorted out.It felt ok to talk about everything when we were in the same boat - but now I feel all alone again. It is going to be very hard for me seeing her become more and more pg as I know we are nearly at the end of the road txt wise. I was feeling really positive about things for the last week or two but this has floored me today and brought the longing all back again. Please believe me when I say I am so pleased for her - she deserves it so much - and I hate myself for feeling like this. Sorry for the long moan but I have no one else to talk to. I have dh but his desire for no 2 isn't as strong as mine (he would love another but doesn't have the sibling issue thing I have)


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## Siobhan1 (Jun 24, 2004)

Sending huge   your way.


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## KW33 (Apr 10, 2006)

Hi Rachel,

We've never met before but really wanted to send you some hugs.      I can totally relate to that instant happy feeling followed by an extreme low.  Nothing you have written makes me think you are not happy for your friend but you also wish it could be you and mourn what you view as the loss of your support, someone that really "got it".

If you'd like to pm me... alternatively come and join us on hoping for another miracle chat thread where you will find some wonderful ladies who all have felt exactly the way you feel right now.  

Karin

xxx


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## jrhh (Feb 6, 2006)

Hi Rachel,

Just wanted to send you some      and to say you aren't alone hun. Take care amd we understand.

Jacks xx


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## Moshy29 (Aug 13, 2006)

Also wanted to send some      your way and hope that your fellow FF's can help to raise your spirits.  Don't feel guilty about your feelings, it is natural and we have all felt it.

Moshy x x


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## Rachel2 (Oct 3, 2004)

Thanks you all so much    I feel a lot better now as I had a good cry upstairs when dh got home and took over with dd. Dh didn't exactly say the 'right' things when he got in (you know how men can sometimes completely misread what you need??!) but we are fine now. I teach 2.5 days per week - and so now dd and I have got the long hols together before she starts school in September - yikes!! I know how blessed I am to have her. I think one of the hardest things about getting txt to ttc no 2 is hiding things from your child. She could tell I was sad today and I just had to say I had a headache. On a positive note - I'm waiting for results from a recent NKc test and have a frostie blast to put back in September - so who knows - my friend and I could be pg at the same time which would be amazing. Love and good luck to you all - thank goodness for FF! xxx


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