# feeling very low today



## MIMI4 (Feb 16, 2007)

Hi it's one of those bad days again today. I'm not sure what triggered it but I feel so sad.   As my jobs involves working with preg women and under 5's I'm constantly surrounded by thr reminder that I am desperate for another baby, I'm usually OK, block it out and get on with my work. I felt it creep up on me slowly today, then just heard today preg bf (preg with 2nd) has a bump now and I can't stop crying. Also 2 other family members have given birth this month. Why are some people so fertile?! 

Last bt said I wasn't ovulating which was a huge shock as I have reg periods and cm changes. Waiting for scan to check for PCOS (diag endo 10 yrs ago). Days like this are awful. I am so grateful for my ds (4.5 yrs) but after 3-4 yrs of trying for 2nd I feel I'm obsessive, can't relax and desperate. Dp OK, not as supportive as I'd like but can accept we may not have any more. 

How does everyone else cope with days like this?

MIMI4


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Sweet heart - we all have them quite frequenty - pour yourself a large glass of chilled white wine and eat a lot of choc and you will feel loads better - (this is not ff advice but mine) failing that come over the the secondary if chat and read all our stories and you will realise its so bloody normal if allowed to say that to feel like you are.  all i can say is that there are loads of us in the same boat and we are all here for each other and strangely hope she won't mind me saying this but one of the lovely ladies on the 2nry if thread has got pg recently with twins and she has months of worry ahead of her and is now a bit sad that her special days with her only one are limited so we all have such a range of emotions but the most important thing is that we are all here for each other. We all have up and down days and I have been down for such a long time and been on such a long journey like you and my ds is just 5 and have seen so many other people get pg and even had an email today from someone with their third that I can hardly cope with it anymore but now I have realise ed is my only chance and a very special person has offered me one/few of hers I realise there is a real chance and feel so much better and if it does not work can just move on as well.  my dad is visiting with a dog and realise that might be our future if it does not work or even if it does a dog in a few years would be nice.  only prob is my ds had asthma and my first born i now realise was my doggy!!
anyway please come over to the thread - there are quiite a few of us but we are all very friendly and post when we feel like it
love
susie


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## Pand (Jan 25, 2007)

Hi Mimi4,

I'm sorry to hear you are so down today.  As Suzy said, you are not alone I promise you.  I don't think any of us really cope with those days, we just have to survive them.  Be kind to yourself and accept it's perfectly natural to feel so unhappy.  This is a very long and lonely journey at times.  It feels like you are walking around with a constant broken heart.  My best friend is now 22 weeks pregnant and my sister in law is 32 weeks.  Both of them can feel their babies moving and I find it soooo hard to be around them.  As you said, at times it feels like the whole world is pregnant except for us.  But if you pop over to our daily chat thread you will find you are not on your own.  Unless you are going through this yourself it is impossible to understand how this feels, and the girls on the this thread completely understand your pain.  I wish I could do something more to help, but just know that my heart goes out to you and you are not alone.

Amanda


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## MIMI4 (Feb 16, 2007)

Thank you all so much. I DID have lots of choc but no wine left! I just find some days are a real struggle. I totally agree that when you say if others haven't experienced infertility then they haven't a clue. However, bf who is about 22 wks said at least I didn't have the sickness and sore boobs etc and I was thinking, well, actually I'd give anything to have those symptoms and be preg!! 

I have posted on other bits before but I feel I belong here more as I have 1 child and don't want to moan to someone who hasn't even been blessed with 1 child (you know what I mean).

Again, like you said it does feel like everyone else is preg apart from me. I find it difficult to be around friends who are preg at the moment, but how do we get round this without being rude and feeling selfish? I do put on a brave face but as soon as I'm out of there I feel so upset and sad.

I'm waiting for scan for PCOS, but even if I have it I can't get any further treatment from the NHS as I already have 1 child. I would have to pay for Clomid myself. I've no idea of costs. GP has precsribed more thyroxine (been under active for yrs) as I had a low-normal reading. I'm hoping this could help us to conceive. I'm not overweight, hardly drink, never smoked. 

Anyway, I do feel better today after reading your replies and will contiue to post. Yes unfortuately we are all in the same boat but as you say at least have someone who understands.



MIMI4


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## emilycaitlin (Mar 7, 2006)

I know exactly how you feel, I've come to work tonight, to find out that 4 other members of staff are pregnant!!!!!!  AAAARGH!!!!

Someone has also said to me "At least you've got one though, you have to be thankful for that", I nearly smacked her!!!!!!


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Emily caitlin - don't blame you - could you put something in her tea!!!

Mimi - please do come over the the 2ndry if thread and you will see we all go through the same.
not sure what to say about being around the pg ones because I think sometimes I have put myself through hell by being overly interested etc so somehow find a happy balance, I now know that I can unload on here and that really helps, I also think that enough people fuss over the pg ones and the ones who have just had babies that perhaps they would not notice if we paid them a little less attention - that what I have been doing.
I had to listen to my step brother go on about how bad it was when they had their m/c end last year (she is now preg again with her third  but not by him) so when she came on the phone saying the same thing I cut her short and said yes been there and got the t shirt - think people have such short memories and are so wound up in their own stuff they might not notice that you are distracted as it were!  try it and see and come over to the other thread as we all read that.
take care
susie


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## cinders35 (Feb 23, 2007)

Hey Mimi4,
Only just noticed your post today. I tend to go straight to daily thread, and pour my heart out there! My dd is almost 4 1/2yrs, we have been ttc since she was 1yr. So can relate to how you feel totally!
I am relative newby, but have spent so much time on this site since I found it! It has definately helped! 
Hope to see you over on the daily thread,
Love Cindersxx


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## sarylou (Aug 6, 2006)

Huge hugs hun
In all honesty on days like that i dont cope. I just shut myself away and sob. I had a real bad crying fit for 3 hrs last week. 
I too wonder what i have done to deserve this. I dont drink smoke, im healthy good diet, Im young-what ever good that is.
Its causing huge problems with my relationship. It did in my previous relationship also. I feel the last 6 yrs have been a race to get pg and im moving in the complete opposite direction of the finishing line. xxx


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