# Where to really start



## razzyCup (Jan 28, 2016)

Hello - posted before and then went away and been trying to conceive a sibling for 10yo (natural surprise) since then.... been focusing on weight loss but still obese. Saying it how it is! Size 20 so I prefer the term voluptuous 

Decided I'm not going to give up on my dream. 45 and unexplained sec infertility. Partner 60 - I know so many would judge us. 

Where do I start? I have my day 1& 3 blood tests and sperm tests. 

Should I pick a clinic and ask for their advice? Post results here to see if anyone can shed light? Or go back to gp. What steps can I take? 

Sorry this post isn't coherent. Obviously a highly emotive topic for me & when I think about it I go into despair mode!


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## Kiss (Oct 23, 2017)

Hiya
Thought I'd reply with what I know  . GPs are useless once you are outside the scope of the NhS guidelines for fertility treatment. Clinics are generally helpful with the consultation that you have to pay for but there is a ton of free info on this site and so many helpful people   Weight loss wise you might find treatment hard to get if you are over the BMI they agree to treat. So deffo worth losing weight if possible. My best tip is you need to get a calorie deficit so burn more than you eat, exercise is key so start walking more etc. Does that help as a starter for 10!? Start forming your plan, don't panic, take your time.   Xx


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## razzyCup (Jan 28, 2016)

Thank you for your reply. I'm struck by how you said 'don't panic' as I feel I should panic, left it beyond hope etc. Weight is coming off (low to no carbs) but not quickly and on your calorie balance point I need to exercise / run more.


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## Kiss (Oct 23, 2017)

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength. If you can start to make your plan then you'll feel more in control. Xx


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

Razzy - I know how daunting it is but take strength from the ladies who post on this forum. 
As for weight. If you pay privately, clinics tend to have a cut off for BMI which is higher than on NHS, for which you have to be under BMI of 30, but privately, it's 35 so gives more leeway.
I was 45 when I started my journey, but I'm single so I went straight to donor egg (well, needed sperm as well!) as advised by clinic. A lot of clinics are reluctant to treat OE over 42/3 but obviously ask individual clinics. It's not impossible, but also more unlikely to get success from treatment with OE at 45 so you might need to consider whether you would give donor eggs a try if no success with OE. It's a big step but one I went with and have never regretted.
Good luck with your journey.


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## Michimoo (Oct 13, 2011)

Razzy. This world can be quite daunting to start with but please do read the forums and take comfort that there are many ladies out there who have stories to share. You are not alone and have come to the right place. Like Debs said private clinics accept a higher BMI and due to the fact you are paying are not as judgemental as some Drs can be. 
To start with you could go down the nhs route to get the tests done. However sometimes they can be quite judgemental. Alternatively you could pay privately to have blood tests and there are many places in London if you live in commuting distance. 
I guess to begin with, you need to decide yourself which route you’d like to take private or NHS? However the nhs won’t offer funding due to you falling outside their criteria. One being that it’s secondary infertility. 
It may be worth contacting a couple of local clinics and gauge what things they would want you to do first and start the investigations. Then once you have this information to hand you could make a clearer decision? 
Good luck xxx


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## razzyCup (Jan 28, 2016)

Two more wonderful and wise replies - thank you ladies xx


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