# BFN - again, my story



## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Hi all 
as the title suggests I got another BFN this morning, 
I am ttc naturally while waiting for our egg donor to have her bloods so we can move forward with our TX, 
and even though I know our chances of conceiving a baby naturally are low, I also know its not impossible.

I have been having reflexology which has turned my cycle around, regular 28 days for 2 months a a 30 day last month, few PMS
and now as many of you will know _Our_ bodies love playing tricks on us, every month,we have BMS,
then symptoms and signs appear to make us think that this month it will be different, and to add to that day 28 comes and gos, by one week and our Minds go into overdrive.........
Add to that some casual remarks by friends and work colleagues, a psychic prediction and "feeling" different, nausea, no usual PMS signs and the recipe for taking the "test" is set.... So I talked to DH we decided to leave it till today, when I wouldn't have to go to work, whichever way the outcome. 
I am fit to burst so I IM a FF and tell all...... with a promise to let them know asap!
I awake at 6 but I am not getting up, holding onto the dream it will be a BFP a little longer, I awake again at 8 my bladder is fit to burst!
So I unwrap the test read the instructions quick,  and wait...... 

so I put it and all its packaging in the bin fall back on my bed a sob into my pillows, I shout at God, I curse myself for believing this time would be any different, 
I cry myself back to sleep as I can not face the day, I awake some time later, make a coffee switch on the PC and send the IM, cancel lunch with the girls, Sil calls in and I eventually tell her and cry some more... 
now it is late evening, DH is home He has not asked, I don't know if he remembers I was going to do the test, but I am saying nothing It hurts too much. He's probably guessed and is treading eggshells.

so what to do next... wait a week as SIL suggests and test again?
do nothing?

Or type it all here and hope someone can relate, and understand, hope it helps someone else to know they are not the only ones who do this every time  is late.
one day I will type a happy ending, I am not giving up or giving in, and nor should you.
Love and hugs to all who know this pain.
~Dizzi~


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## Jennifer (Jul 22, 2004)

Awwwwwwwwwwwww Dizzi - I am so sorry hun   Nothing I can say can make you feel better I know but I am thinking of you and sending cyber hugs - Nature is sooooo cruel.
Lots of Love, Jennifer xx xx xx xx xx xx xx


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## allison kate (Aug 9, 2005)

Hi Dizzy

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so sad.   
I wish I could help you in some way but I can only say I am thinking of you and praying that it will be your turn soon.

I'm not sure how late you are.  I don't want to give you false hope but please remember that sometimes a BFN CAN turn into a BFP.  My SIL did three tests, all BFN, went to her doctor who did another BFN and she was pregnant with my niece Georgina.    I would say if AF doesn't arrive in a few days test again as you ever know.  I'm really keeping my fingers crossed that your miracle comes true    

Lots of love
Allison xxx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Thanks AK, 
I will most likley do another test in a weeks time if   has not appeared, 
~Dizzi~


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## tweetie (Feb 5, 2005)

dizzi,hunni you are not alone on this one hunni i have alos been like that in the past.i suffer with damaged tubes and have had one removed after 4 ectopics.my doctor said it isnt impossile for us to get there in the end but more likely to be ectopic so we took the ivf route,but in between i have a mad fit and decide that we will try naturally for a couple of months and see how it goes.so of course then af is late,more so cause im not on the pill and that regulates my af for me,but im all up in the air then panicing about if i am will it be ok and send my self into a state,do test and get bfn and then feel so deflated,but in a way relieved aswell.why do i put myself through itbecause i want a baby,simple answer,but no simple solution!!!!
hope you do get your bfp wether it is now or in the future hunni goodluck.xx.lol


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

Awwwwww Dizzi 

They do say it aint over till the fat lady sings.

Sending you much   and


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

I did test again and got that   followed by the 
thanks for everyones   &  it is always apreciated!

~Dizzi~


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## No1 rainbow princess (Aug 12, 2004)

Sorry to hear that it was really a bfn after all,  

Life sucks some times.

Hang in there, your time will come and i look forward to reading that happy ending from you.

Night xXx


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## Lou F ❁ (Feb 28, 2003)

Great big hugs to you Dizzi.
Take great care
lol
Lou xx


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## Smurfs (Oct 19, 2004)

Sending you a big hug  

Take care

Shaz xxx


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