# Hi. I'm new too!!



## Rosie P (Nov 10, 2005)

Hello. I joined at the end of last year, but haven't posted anything until now as I was a bit unsure and confused as to what to write and what might be wrong with me. 

I'm 32 and have been married for nearly 8 years and trying for a child for nearly 2 years. Had + preg test in Nov 2004 and was overjoyed, only to have 2 - tests a few days later. Then fell pregnant in May 2005, but unfortunately there was no heartbeat when I went for the 1st scan (I was 10.5 weeks preg). Needless to say it has been very difficult to stay positive since then, but after some very good counselling my husband and I are feeling a bit brighter.

Since I came off the pill 2 years ago my cycles have been very irregular with my shortest one at 18 days and my longest at 113, and they still haven't regulated. I thought this may indicate an underlying problem (i.e. hormonal, and could have also have been the reason for my miscarriage), so I have my first appointment at the Liverpool Womens Hospital for fertility investigation next week. 

Feeling a little nervous about the thought of all the tests that may lie ahead, but also hopeful that there may be help to make our dreams come true. 

Anyway, it's nice to find a place like this site for support and encouragement.

Kind regards and best wishes to you all

Rosie. x


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

Welcome Rosie. Sorry to hear you've been thru so much.
All the best for your appointment next week, hope they can get to the bottom of any problems


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## ♥Meerkat♥ (Nov 14, 2005)

Hi Rosie  
Welcome to FF

You've come to the right place for support and encouragement. And a whole mine of information.

I am sorry you and your DH have had a tough time.   with your appointment next week and hopefully the tests will yield some answers for you.



Meerkat x


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## Smurfs (Oct 19, 2004)

Hi Rosie and welcome to FF  

You will find lots of support from all the girls. Good luck with your appointment next week, keep us informed on how things are going.

Love Shaz xxx


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## icky (Oct 6, 2005)

Hi rosie and welcome you have certainly come to the right place!  I don't know what i would do with out everyone on here.  good luck with your appointment next week and don't be scared to ask questions on here however stupid they might be!  there is always someone to help you night and day!!

Icky xxx


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

hi rosie and welcome to ff

U have found the right place for some support - sorry to hear u have been through so much already

Kate


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## skye (Apr 6, 2004)

Hi Rosie, im sure you clinic will discover some explanation for you, good luck for your appointment hun   bye for now


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## zp (Jan 8, 2006)

Hi Rosie
I'm sorry, you have had a terrible time. I'm glad you and dh can try to be positive now. Of course you feel nervous, I think everyone does - I hope you some answers at the clinic. 

wishing you lots of     thoughts for next week.

love Zp


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## Julie-Anne (Mar 2, 2006)

Hi Rosie,

Sorry to hear you are having a terrible time. Sure to find support here and hope it all works out!!

Best wishes

Julieanne

x


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## Ella* (Mar 1, 2006)

Sorry to hear of your diffcult times. Good luck from me too. I too am new here!

Ella
x


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## Rosie P (Nov 10, 2005)

Hi girls.

Thank you so much for your replies and wishes of good luck. You know what it's like  - one minute you're up, the next you're down. The last coup of days I've been right down. Started with excruciating period pains (on day 3 - what's that about?) and quite light until day 3 when the floodgates opened. Had no sleep last night and even co-codamol didn't help with the pain. Then this morning got a text from my friend who had her baby 3 weeks early, but at the same time mine would have been due, and she's called him the same name we'd chosen for ours if we'd had a boy. I know these things are sent to test us I suppose, and it's certainly not her fault, but sometimes it feels like life is playing cruel jokes. 

I'm just so glad I have the hospital on Wednesday, as I don't think I can stand to go through that level of pain again next month, and have convinced myself something inside is very wrong.

I'll keep you posted as to what happens when I go.

Thanks again for your well wishes and messages of support - I can't tell you how much it helps.

Lots of good luck and best of wishes to all of you.

Kind regards

Rosie. xxx


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi Rosie

Sorry you are having such a rough time of it at the moment   You poor thing, as if the uncertainty's not enough to have all that pain as well is just not on!

It is hard when someone else has a baby, my sister has 2 under 2 and I have very mixed emotions every time I see them.  On the one hand I love them with all my heart and both myself and DH idolise them, but then on the other hand, I walked past a mirror holding my 6 month old neice last week and the pain through my heart made me gasp for breath..  It is really hard, but we just have to all support each other on here, you aren't alone, we're all here for you hunny 

Hopefully the hospital will help identify and cure your problem so you don't have to suffer so much and you can start to achieve your dreams..

Good Luck 

Amanda xx


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## Rosie P (Nov 10, 2005)

Hi Amanda.

I'm originally from Blackpool (Bispham) too, and moved to Liverpool around nine years ago. 

You're right, feelings can be very mixed. I love my friends kids (I suppose I'm lucky because my sisters are quite a bit younger and aren't even thinking of kids yet), but I can't imagine how I may feel when I see my friends little boy for the 1st time. The mind is a weird thing and once you start going down the road of 'my baby would have been due then, and would have been called that', you may as well hit your head against a brick wall - but sometimes it's hard to stop yourself.  

Feeling very scared about going into the unknown - all those tests and not having any idea what they might find, but on the other hand I'm very relieved that my 3 month wait is over and my appointment is here and I may get some answers at least. 

Thank you for your message and I hope your dream comes true soon.   Are you undergoing treatment at Victoria Hospital? Is it any good?

Good luck, and I hope to speak to you soon. Can't believe what a godsend this site is!

Take care.

Rosie. xxx


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi Rosie

Our problem is male factor infertility.  We've already been to Victoria but they've not been able to solve anything so now we're having tx at St Mary's Manchester.

It's a small world isn't it?!  I used to live at Bispham but now I live near the airport up near Squires Gate cos this is the area dh from and moved here when we got married.

I'm sure you're scared of what they'll find.. it's an emotional rollercoaster and unfortunately the fear doesn't go away when you know what's wrong, then you just start worrying about other stuff!

TTFN

Amanda x


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## Kaz12 (Feb 18, 2006)

Hi Rosie,

Glad to hear you & your DH are feeling much better after what you have been through.  I hope the hospital will help cure your problem and start your journey of being a mum very soon.  

I'm pretty new to the site as well. I'm 35, DH 33, the doctor told us that everything is fine with us so we're classified as "unexplained infertility".  We had our first IUI last month - BFN.  Hopefully I can start another tx soon.

Good luck and tell us how you go with your appointment and stay positive!     

Kaz


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## zp (Jan 8, 2006)

Hello

I'm currently in agony with  , and my friend just had a baby on thursday so sending you all my sympathies. Sometimes life sucks 

Aagin good luck for next week
love Zp


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## Rosie P (Nov 10, 2005)

Hi girls.

Thanks so much for your messages.

Amanda, it seems a long way for you to go for your treatment, but I suppose it's worth it and I know I'd travel if I had to. Also going somewhere they have specialist knowledge and skills is much better than just going to your local hospital where knowledge and treatment is limited. 

By the way which school were you at in Blackpool? I was meant to be at St Mary's but ended up at Cardinal Allen as my parents moved house.

Part of me can't wait to go to the hospital on Wednesday in the hope that they may shed some light on what's wrong, but I also know that could open a whole can of worms. Even if they give me a name I know what I'm like and I'll drive myself mad researching it on the internet. Also I know the most likely outcome could be unexplained, and then I'll be none the wiser. At least my awful pains have subsided a bit, and I managed to get some sleep last night and leave the house today!!! Still v heavy though for day 6.

Not sure what I'll say to my friend when she invites us over to meet her knew baby - I can't get the date and name thing out of my head, but don't want to mention that to her as I know it will make her feel bad, and she had no idea it was the name we'd chosen before we lost ours. At the moment though I think I will need to make my excuses as I can't face seeing him just yet.

Feeling generally a bit brighter today - not sure if it's because my pains are feeling better or because my mum and dad came over and we've been out for wonderful tapas and I've had a few cocktails.    If any of you get to have a day out in Liverpool I'd highly recommend Alma De Cuba for a lovely lunch, atmosphere and exotic drink - really cheers you up.

Lovely to speak to you again girls and sending you lots of            

Rosie. xxx


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

WOW!!!  Rosie, I went to Cardinal Allen too!!!   How old are you?  I left there in 1987..  Can't believe what a small world it is!!

St Mary's is a long way to travel, but Vic have done all they can for us now, we need the specialist skills of St M's.  It's not the distance so much as the traffic which does our heads in, but we're really into motorbikes, so we've made a decision to go to a lot of the routine appt's by bike to save time..

Speak to you soon Rosie...

Amanda x


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## Rosie P (Nov 10, 2005)

Blimey Amanda - how weird is that? I'm 32 - left in 1989, so 2 years below you. My parents owned a shop in Fleetwood which was why I was there in my high school years. After that I went to the art college (Blackpool & Fylde) on Palatine Road in Blackpool. My dh went to Warbreck - maybe yours did too? My mum still lives in Bispham so we still pop over to see her (going over on Thursday for the day actually as it's my dh birthday and he's golfing with friends).

The traffic going into Manchester can be terrible. There's a great restaurant called San Carlos in the centre (the street left of Kendals on Deansgate) if you fancy good Italian food next time go go over, and sometimes you get the added bonus of seeing the odd Corrie or Man U (if that's a bonus?!?) star!

Nice speaking to you again, and hope to speak to you again soon.

Rosie. xxx


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi Rosie..

You must've been there at the same time as me then... 

My dh went to Highfield at South Shore, I didn't know anyone at Warbreck.. that would have been too spooky if both dh's had been at same school as well 

How did you both end up in Liverpool then?  

TTFN
Amanda x


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## Rosie P (Nov 10, 2005)

Hi Amanda.

I wonder if we'd recognise eachother now?

I was at college here when I was 19, and after that went to Uni in Sunderland. I always loved this place though and wished I'd applied for Uni here. When I left Uni and returned to Blackpool, my dh and I got together and then I persuaded him to move here, much to his family's disapproval (he'd never lived anywhere else apart from Blackpool). Luckily for me, he agreed. We both love it here now, it's a very friendly place.

What do you do in Blackpool? My mum works all the way in Lytham!

It's nice to find you have more than just fertility problems in common with someone. 

Take care. Speak to you soon.

Rosie.xxx


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi

I'm a Senior Manager for a small Housing Association providing supported accommodation to homeless 16-25 year olds.. My DH is formerly an electrical engineer and now he has a clean job - an IT manager at TVR!  How about you, what do you do for jobs?

It is nice to speak to someone who has something else in common.. How do your in-laws feel about your fertility situation?  My MIL is a bit of a strange one really and when we told her we had a problem and that it was DH's sperm count she said "oh well, might of known it'd be your fault!!"     Just do our best not to discuss it with her now!

I bet Wednesday is looming for you now isn't it?

Take care
Amanda x


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## Rosie P (Nov 10, 2005)

Hi Amanda.

You both have good jobs, which can be quite hard to find in Blackpool. I was offered a good job before we moved but it was sculpture (which was what my degree is in) - the only thing was after my degree show I was arted-out (made that expression up!), but I'd just had enough. It seemed as good a time as any to take the chance and move away. I haven't done an art job since leaving Uni, as I prefer to keep it as a pleasurable passtime rather than a job - so have been working for a bank, and in pensions (V boring) and have just started working with my hubby training to be a financial adviser. Lot of exams to be passed 1st though!

I'm quite lucky because my MIL has been very supportive. The 1st few years of marriage were tough because she kept banging on about grandkids, and although I was happy to start trying back then, my DH wasn't ready (are they ever   ). Then she stopped saying it and we decided we were ready to try, and ironically it hasn't been as easy as it has for all of our other friends who now have babies. Then when I did get pregnant she was overjoyed, and just before we lost the baby we were staying with them down in Cornwall and it was a really lovely time. She was very supportive when it happened and has been very good to talk to as she had a baby girl who died shortly after birth and it was her 1st, so she was very understanding and supportive. I think there are certainly family members who we avoid discussing it with though as they always want to throw their two-peneth in! Ironically I find it harder to discuss it with my mum as we're very close and she gets very upset for me, so I tend not to talk about it much as I don't like seeing her get upset - especially when I've caused it.

Funny thing families aren't they?

I'm looking forward to getting Wednesday out of the way. I suppose I'm hoping for a diagnosis and perscription - which is a bit unrealistic I know. I'd be happy if they just gave me a load of clomid, but I know I'm being naive and they need to do all the test first and that drug may even not be appropriate. I'm trying to get lots of info together for them (i.e. my history, cycle length, BBT for the last month or so), so that I can try and cover as much as poss and give them as many clues as I can that may indicate a diagnosis. The last thing I'd want is to come away having forgotten something (I even have a binder for it all - oh dear! ) So if you can think of any other suggestions that may help at the 1st appointment, they'd be very welcome.

Take care and I'll speak to you soon.

Rosie.xxx


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## Andee (Feb 23, 2006)

Hi Rosie

I just  read your post and wanted to wish you luck with your appointment on Wed!

Sorry to gatecrash , not been online for a few days and when  I read your story it reminded me of me!! 

I am 32 and came off the pill about 2 and a half years ago, hade no AF for about 6 - 8 months and since then have had v. irregular cycle - 28 - 50 ++ days.  So you are well aware of how difficult it is to predict Ov when your cycle is all over the place. Tried cm and OPK ( must keep Clearblue in business) , but find it difficult.  Anyway, I am awaiting my first appt, should get a date any day now, but even then I am sure it will be ages away.

Enuff about me!!!  best of luck to you and your dh and lets hope the news is encouraging.  Would be great to hear how your first appt goes - may help me to know what to expect!


Take care

Love
Andee
xxxx


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## Rosie P (Nov 10, 2005)

Hi Andee

Thank you. I feel like I'm going to be their worst nightmare - I've made a list of all the tests I want them to do and have my binder to take, which is getting fuller by the minute! So far I've convinced myself I have endometriosis, fibroids and underactive thyroid. I'm not a hypochondriac - honest!

By the way you're not gatecrashing - the more the merrier, and the more info we can all share. I also tried OPK but felt I was being to uptight about the whole thing (plus I couldn't stand to part with all that money month after month), so just decided to take the laid back (literally!) approach. It did seem to work as I then got preg, but unfortunately miscarried. Since that as my cycles are still bad I've monitored CM and the last month and a half recorded my BBT, but as you said when your cycles are all over the show the signs are all very confusing. I just make sure we have plenty of regular 'lurving', but still nothing seems to happen. I had a 3 month wait for my appointment, but it went quite quick.

I think you've done the right thing getting referred, as time doesn't slow down for any of us. I'll let you know how it goes - if they don't throw me out once they see the size of my folder!   

Talk soon.

Rosie. x


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## TessaF (Aug 15, 2005)

Hi Rosie

Welcome to ff - sorry to hear you have had it tough these past few years.

Hope all goes well next week at your appt - remeber to write down any questions you want to ask cos you'll forget them all when you get there!

Take care
x


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi Rosie

I also have a folder!!!   It contains all the letters, lists of questions etc that we've taken to any of our appointments..it's a good idea, atleast we always know where everything is and I'm sure the clinic prefer someone organised who quickly and efficiently fires off all their questions!!  Than someone nervous and unsure who stutter for 10 mins and then goes blank about what to ask.

My mum is also my worst nightmare in this situation and its for exactly the reasons you said.  We are v close and she gets upset and frightened for me, trouble is to help herself feel better she keeps pointing out all the pitfalls of tx to me (drug side effects etc) so I've had to tell her we cant talk about it because I cant deal with her fear as well as my own (how selfish am I??!  )  Course, I'm really popular with my sister now, because my mum just chews her ear off about it instead!  

Take Care Rosie.. I'll be thinking of ya tomorrow..

Amanda x


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Good Luck today Rosie..

x


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## Rosie P (Nov 10, 2005)

Hi girls.

Thanks for your good luck wishes Amanda.   

Well after the hospital appointment I'm feeling really emotional and upset - but can't really pinpoint why, as I thought I'd feel relieved that I've started the ball rolling. Here's what happened:

I saw a Greek doctor and think I may have been a bit too assertive handing him various sheets from my folder (i.e. details of my history, list of all the supplements we are taking and a chart of my BBT for the last month or so).   He seemed to focus on my irregular cycles and disregard the fact that my periods have been extremely heavy and excruciatingly painful the last 3 months. He reckons it's PCOS (which I suspected over a year ago and went to my doc who did blood test on the wrong day, and said my hormones were 'more or less in the right levels'), anyway he's doing a day 21 blood test, days 2,3 or 4 test, thyroid test and scan of my ovaries. I did also want to ask about being checked for endometriosis and fibroids, but he kept cutting me off and talking about PCOS and he said I need to try and lose weight (which I know and have been trying), so I didn't get chance to. Maybe when they scan my ovaries they can check for endo and fibroids, I'm not sure? 

Also they are going to check DH for sperm. All tests will be back at the beginning/ mid April, but then I have to wait until the end of May before I can get another appointment and get the results. I get if they are negative I'll have more tests and another 3 month wait - don't know if it would be worth going private

So I'm not sure if I'm feeling mad that something wasn't diagnosed when I went over a year ago - maybe it would have prevented my miscarriage - or if I'm emotional because the whole thing is seeming more real now, or if I'm just really crap and impatient about wanting to know what's wrong.  

As you can see there's a lot of silly thinking going around in my head, and although I thought I was going in prepared with all my details and research - I feel clueless.  

And he told me not to go researching PCOS on the internet because it will do me no good - doctors!!!  

Anyway...................signing off for tonight.

Yours lost and confused - Rosie. xxx

P.S. Hope you're all well and will talk soon when my brain isn't full of fog!


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## Rosie P (Nov 10, 2005)

By the way, I meant to say and forgot to say thank you girls for all your wishes of luck for today and general support - it's very much appreciated and is really helping!

    

Regards

Rosie.x


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## AmandaB1971 (Feb 19, 2006)

Hi Rosie

I'm sorry you're feeling soooo miserable after your appointment.  If it helps, I did nothing but cry for a week after our first appt and we weren't waiting for a diagnosis we already have one.  For me, it was because I was overwhelmed by the whole process, the mountain we've now got to climb and I was frightened about everything that's going to happen to us and the uncertainty that a 1 in 5 chance of conception brings us.  I'm still scared!   But a few weeks on now and several hours in the chat room on here have made me more able to cope with it.

I'm sorry the Doctor didn't have a better "bedside manner".. Our consultant is a lovely woman and gives you plenty of opportunities to ask questions.  I've got to lose weight (about a stone or so) and she's such a nice woman, I've actually been spurred on to lose it before we see her again in April so she'll be pleased with me (How sad?!) but if she'd been horrid I wouldn't have had that motivation.

At end of day, what you've got to think is; although it would be nice to have a more pleasant consultant, so long as he knows his job and can get you a result that's what matters.  It would be worse to have one who was really lovely to talk to but who was clueless about what was wrong with you!!

Give him a chance and be kind to yourself, you wont always feels so lost and fed up - I promise 

Take care

Amanda x


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## carrie3479 (Nov 30, 2005)

Hi so sorry to hear of all you have been through. i wish you all the best and send much   your way
Corrina


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## smiley4 (Feb 27, 2006)

Hi,

I'm new here, so don't have much advice. Just wanted to wish you good luck with all your tests coming up soon.

Katy x


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## Rosie P (Nov 10, 2005)

Thanks for your messages of support Amanda, Corrina and Katy.

Have been very emotional the last few days, but I think that has helped get a lot of it out of my system and helped me clarify a lot of things.

Last week I just felt like we'd gone back over a year to when I first asked my GP for tests, and we were no further on. Also like you said Amanda, it felt like we had a huge mountain to climb and no idea what was going to happen on the way up or how long it's going to take. It really is a fear of the unknown.

I've realised now that there is no point worrying about all those things that could be wrong when I really have no idea at the moment. I'm sure the few weeks waiting for the tests will go much quicker that it seems, and I can choose whether or not to go back to the NHS clinic and have a long wait to get the test results and chance having to see that doctor again or to see the specialist by paying to go private and get a full hour to ask questions and get the results much quicker. I suppose we'll be able to go back to NHS after that At least we'll be in control for that part of things.

I'm not at all familiar with kilograms as I always use stones and pounds. When I came back I checked to see what the weight the nurse had written in kilos was in stones and pounds and realised she's written down that I'm 10 kilos lighter than I am. So when I go back even if I've lost weight, they're going to think I've put weight on. I'll tell them but wonder if they'll believe me - they might just think I've been guzzling!  

I telephoned the hospital to ask about being checked for fibroids and endometriosis, and they said they scan should pick up if there are fibroids, but to check for endo they would need to do a laparoscopy and wouldn't go down that road unless the other tests came back negative. I've read they can pick them up on a scan though, so am a bit confused.   Maybe I'll ask whoever does the scan when I go.

Anyway, thank you all for your support - it really helps so much to have such lovely understanding people to talk to.

Wishing you lots of       

Thanks again.

Rosie. xxx


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi rosie 
ive only been on the site a couple of weeks ive got a posting just above urs explaining everything ive been through 
i was just reading that u asked about a lap to test for endo 
im on a waiting list for a HYCOSY  dye test to check for endo ,this is done by an internal scan procedure and the dye is put inthrough a tube no surgery this test is not as accurate as they cannot see inside ur tube but i was told that they would b able to tell if ive got endo and then they would have to do a lap but in doing a HYCOSY 1st it save you haveing surgery if there is nothing there this way you would only have to have surgery if they find something 
take care steph


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## Rosie P (Nov 10, 2005)

Hi Steph and girls.

Thanks for your message Steph and for the information, it's very much appreciated. Anything to avoid having to have surgery is a blessing. It's funny how when a few weeks have passed since the agonising pain and heavy bleeding of your period, you start to forget quite how bad it was. I've now booked a private appointment with the consultant for 19th April so I don't have to see that awful doctor again and should get any questions I have answered this time. It's bad that you should have to pay just for that, but there you are. This time I'm going to make sure he listens to how bad the pain, bledding and length of both have been, and it should be more fresh in my mind as it should hopefully be right after my next period.

Anyway.........I'm rambling, but I really just wanted to say thanks for all the info.............you know what they say - Knowledge is Power - although unfortunately it's not always true when you're dealing with some doctors!

I'll keep you posted once we've seen him and had the results of our 1st lot of tests.

Thanks again for being there. 

Rosie. xxx


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