# Many failed OE/DD cycles, losing hope



## IceCat (May 3, 2017)

So, today I've learned that my 2nd cycle with donated embryos failed. It was my 7th cycle overall, had 5 cycles with OE/OS and now 2 cycles with donated embryos. I am totally heartbroken. Both times had 2 good quality donor embryos transferred, no lining issues, used assisted hatching, embryoglue and it just doesn't work. It was a tough decision for me and my husband to move to double donation and basically give up the idea of havng genetically "our" children, but finally we embraced it... and still it just continues to fail. I've been crying and crying like crazy today. I feel like I've lost all hope. I'm almost sure we are never going to become parents. 
If anyone also had multiple failed cycles including donor eggs/embryos, how do you cope? Using donor eggs/embryos is supposed to work "faster", but what to do if it doesn't? Maybe someone had success after many failed donor cycles?


----------



## DutchSasky (Nov 18, 2015)

Dear IceCat   Didn't want to read and run. So sorry you have to go through this! 
You must be totally gutted at the second BFN. Just when you have gotten round to the idea of donated embryos -psychologically, then the BFN is even harder.
I am not sure whether I can give you advise. I had 4 OE cycles and 5 DD cycles before getting my DS, and most of the time I felt like you. I have to say that on my first 2 DD cycles I got a BFP but I miscarried. Then I had 2 DD cycles that failed completely, but since I had two BFPs on earlier cycle, this made me carry on. I see you also had a miscarriage so you might recognize the feeling.... Be kind to yourself - especially the days after your BFN and the holiday season. The holiday season is the hardest to have a BFN or loss... 

What helped me is to take some time out from treatment and try to enjoy life anyway. Right now you're totally gutted of course and I think you need some time to get rid of the hormones and the disappointment. Focus on other things for a while.

Donated embryos are not necessarily the magic trick, and, like when ttc naturally, it might take a few rounds, so it may not necessarily mean something is wrong with you,  but considering your age and the use of donated embryos I would also have expected a BFP...has the clinic given any insights on what they think already? I would definitely talk to them about this. Maybe they have some insights.

I am not sure if you have done things like immune testing, hidden c test (not sure if that is common though, it was done in my clinic) blood clotting etc? If you haven't, i would look into this - maybe also consider hysteroscopy to check the status of your womb. I had a hysteroscopy prior to my last and successful DD cycle and this showed inflamed womb lining and as a result of that a lot of dead tissue that had not really bled away during my periods. This was not visible on ultrasounds so they all looked perfect while in reality, there was no way an embryo could implant. this might not be the case for you (I suspect the inflammation in my case was caused by the DNC after my second miscarriage) but it would be good to cover all bases.

Take good care of yourself for now -


----------



## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

IceCat I'm so so sorry.  Your story is heartbreaking.  I'm on my 4th fresh IVF and have already convinced myself it's a BFN and then that's meant to be the end of the road for us as my husband is adamant there is no more treatment.  I'm still open to double donation (we are already using donor sperm) but the heartbreak if that doesn't work too is unimaginable.  It's so hard when you do everything you can and it still doesn't work.  It's also very tough as you're still young too so I hope your clinic might be able to give some insight.  I"m sorry you've been through such an awful journey.  It's so so tough .  Huge hugs xxx


----------



## IceCat (May 3, 2017)

DutchSasky, thank you so much for your kind words and sharing your story. It's also very encouraging to see that it finally worked for you after all those cycles. 
You're right it's total disaster to get a bfn around holiday time. I know I'll feel better after some time but now it's just so painful.
I'm also planning to do a hysteroscopy, I agree maybe there's something not visible on u/s but still preventing pregnancy... I'm also having extremely hard transfers due to a very bent cervix and I think it lowers my chances, so cervical dilation is now a must for me. 
Thank you so much again for support!


----------



## IceCat (May 3, 2017)

Magicpillow thank you... It's so devastating when you start a donor cycle and then it brings no result. 
I hope so much it's going to work for you!  Did you test already, maybe it's actually a bfp?


----------



## mierran (Apr 24, 2009)

Hi,
So sorry for your BFN. Sending big hugs your way. 

There are a few things you could look at.

Did you do bloods? Was there any sign of implantation hcg over 5?. If so more likely to be immune issues. If hcg under 2 likely to be problems with implantation. I don't seem to get any implantation on oestrogen but do on an oeivf ( except I don't produce eggs) or a natural FET.

Things to consider.

1. Hysteroscopy ideally tho even endometrial scratch can help.

2. Change clinics . Sounds strange but every clinic uses its own culture medium and sometimes what works for one person makes the embryos not stick in someone else.

3. Change donors. Sometimes embryos from one donor combination just work with you.

4. Try a natural FET rather than a medicated one. Especially as doing double donor a freeze all cycle or embryo adoption can be done. More difficult to organise but can work better. 

6. Immune testing especially if get low hcg levels showing some attempt at implantation.

It may be worth looking somewhere like serum that tend to specialise in recurrent implantation problems/ miscarriages and do more testing as normal. 



It may also be worth making your visit a bit of a holiday. The time I tried fly in Friday transfer sat and fly out sun was a disaster. 


Good luck and keep trying. But try something different would be my advice. 


X x


----------



## HopefulKayte (Jun 16, 2017)

Just popping in to give a big, smooshy hug to you Icecat. I wish I could give you that hug in person.
Mierran, those are great suggestions for many to reflect on. What do you think of those, Icecat?
Also, I saw a recommendation for this blog elsewhere. I haven't requested access to it yet, but apparently the writer persevered over many years with many failed transfers including donor, and today has multiple children. I was thinking of checking it out and thought maybe you'd want to too.
https://theempressandthefool.wordpress.com/


----------



## IceCat (May 3, 2017)

Mierran - thank you so much! The list you made is great and I'm definitely going for hysto and hopefully scratch and immunes and will change the donor of course. Interesting remark about culture mediums, I didn't know about that!

Kayte - thank you and sending you warm hugs as well! Hope you are feeling better. The blog you mentioned seems interesting, I think I need to sign up or something to read it.


----------



## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Great suggestions merrian ! 
Never thought about the clinic lab culture thing before
Bookmarking this post x


----------



## Sunny-FL (Sep 3, 2017)

Just saw your post  Like Kayte, I wish I could give you a big hug. It's so hard and the holidays don't make it much easier.

Can you post some more details on the donor embryo protocols you've had? Was it medicated or natural? I don't know who your doctor was at Gennet but after my transfer, I talked with Dr. Martin and he went over the pros and cons of doing a medicated or natural FET. What kind of details do you get about the donors? Do they tell you if embryos from that batch resulted in any BFP's? Can you opt to do PGS/PGD on 'em? 

Hope all you need is just one more try!!


----------



## mierran (Apr 24, 2009)

Hope you all get your take home babies.    Sending you all big hugs and baby dust. 


The other thing I would say is own your own fertility journey. You are the expert on you. Look at what hasn't worked and tweak it. To paraphrase the quote it is silly to keep doing exactly the same thing and expect a different outcome. Look at what you can do differently. And remember, the experts all want you to have a baby ,yes, but at their clinic. And some , if you are a more complicated case, don't know how to deal with you. So yes, listen to them and their advice and reasoning but go with your gut. Don't worry about offending anyone or being loyal to a clinic. If it isn't working, change it. 


Thinking of you all. It is a lonely journey but I wouldn't change any of it. It gave me my children.


----------



## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

I am sorry to know yr story. I wanted to add two tests to mierran list: karyotyping and vit D level


----------

