# Genetic link/looks



## Herts85 (Oct 10, 2014)

So we've always known we would need ds (being two women) and, although we considered using a known/related donor, decided to go with anonymous sperm.

I saw this story on ******** ( http://brightside.me/article/22-photos-which-prove-that-your-genes-are-amazing-5755/ ) and it made me a little sad to think that any future children will have genes and looks that don't belong to us.

I think it probably gets me more as I never knew my genetic father growing up and yet I look a lot like him and have identical personality and behaviour to him so I know what it's like to feel like the odd one out. Plus I didn't have a father figure growing up. Hopefully having two stable parents in their life will help our future children.

Is this something everyone else struggles with? Does it get easier?

Herts x


----------



## Elerifairy (Jan 19, 2014)

Hi Herts85, it's definitely a lot to get your head round and I know my partner who isn't carrying has thought about it even more than me. I found it really odd when we got offered a first donor (took 6 months to get offered 1 as cmv negative) that I took an instant dislike, I came to the conclusion that I had to see something of my wife in them, eg. Work, hobbies etc, and held on to the idea that it had to be someone I could envisage meeting for a drink and having some commonalities with. My wife thought I was holding out for something that wouldn't come along as she joked I was never going to be happy with a man, but I strongly felt it had to be someone I could relate to in some way. Hence rather than someone interested in Motorsport and boxing we ended up with someone who is into graphic design and plays guitar! 
I don't know how it will be when we finally get pregnant and meet this child and we often joke that it's going to have a huge nose or a distinctive chin but I guess you just have to take those moments as they come.


----------



## mrsww (Sep 1, 2013)

It does cross both mine and my wife's mind. I'm worried when I give birth I won't "know" my baby, these are only fleeting thoughts but still there. 

I know plenty of our personality is related to nurture so I'm sure our baby will take after both me and wife and there will be parts of donor as well. 

We talk about our thoughts openly however will just have to wait and see how things are after the birth.

What I do know is my wife is totally in love with inside baby and I don't have any worries she will be the most amazing mum even though she doesn't share any genes.


----------



## Herts85 (Oct 10, 2014)

Mrsww - congratulations, you must be so excited!

Elerifairy - fingers crossed you get your bfp this time  

Thanks for the replies. I think it will be one of those things that never fully goes away. Hopefully it'll seem less of a big deal once we have chosen our donor, especially if we can find a good match.

Just looking forward to getting to that point, there's been too much waiting around so far for my liking!  

Herts x


----------



## poppy05 (Apr 10, 2006)

Hi girls


When we were searching for our donor, i likened it to buying my wedding dress, when the right one comes along you just know, sounds ridiculous as its a much bigger thing than a dress, but we read through lots of profiles and nothing felt right, we both began to feel like we weren't going to find one, i clicked on the last available choice, and it was almost like he chose us, he ticked all the boxes for us, and after we made our purchase (so weird buying sperm online!!    we used the xytex clinic) we were able to buy his full profile which included photos, i didnt really want to see him but dw did, so she downloaded the pics and her words were 'omg he is the image of your brother'!!! haha so of course i had to look, and yes sure enough he did look like my brother, so for dw she was happy knowing that our baby would almost certainly look like my side even if not exactly like me, she wasnt bothered about the baby not looking like her, but we didnt want our child to not look like either of us, sadly oir tx's failed, so we are now moving onto adoption, im sad our future child/children wont look like either of us, but i guess there is far more to being somebodys mummy other than having the same eyes/nose/hair etc, having said that, my friends adopted daughter is the image of her!
I think once you are pregnant/child comes home nothing will matter other than your baby and all the love you have to give.


Poppy xx


----------



## Herts85 (Oct 10, 2014)

Big hugs Poppy05, I'm sorry it didn't work for you but your children are out there just waiting to find you and be a family. You are right of course about looks and links. It's the memories, bonding and relationships that make a family not just shared DNA.

Good look with the next stage of your journey  

Herts x


----------

