# Meeting birthparents



## naoise (Feb 17, 2005)

Hi girls

Just need a little advice again  we are possibly meeting the girls bps next Monday  and I was wondering if anyone else has had this experience, I know that it is a good idea to meet them to ask them questions like why they called the girls what they called them and other things but I am very nervous about it even though there is nothing to be worried about. I guess its just the thought of it more than anything, the girls freeing order is definitely going ahead on May 29th so the bps will have been told by now and I would say they are not too pleased at the minute, the expert they called for never showed so the judge said that things are going to have to move on. The good thing is that we don't have to wait to apply to adopt them as they have lived with us for so long.
So at long last we are close to making them legally ours and no more sws or monthly contacts. The girls sw says that they are going for two contacts and two indirect contacts a year so we can live with that and when the new baby arrives in June (which they don't know if they are going to be able to keep) will be here so whether they will be interested in the girls who knows.

Thanks K


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi there
We met DD's birthmum about 3 months after placement. I had allsorts of reservations beforehand, but afterwards was so pleased we'd done it.
I had allsorts of ideas of what she'd be like etc and I'd built up such a monster in my head, that I had to meet her to resolve those feelings. On meeting, it was like we had a common bond. And I could finally empathise with her.
Like you said, a good question is to know where their names came from, why they were chosen etc, because I for one always wondered why my parents called me what they did! Think of any little questions that might've niggled you as you've grown up, that you would want to know about your start to the world. For example do you know the child's time of birth? This is something we didnt have and had to contact the hospital for records. Any allergies in the family, any interests and hobbies that birthparents have now, or enjoyed as children. This may help understand your child's interests as they grow.

Basically, just try to be yourself, and remember they will be as nervous, if not more, than you, so don't worry!


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi K

We are having to meet with Bm and Granny in the morning and then meet littlie in the afternoon for the first time.  Our SW is going to help us prepare some questions, due to cuircumstances, we have loads of info on littlie and his birth etc.  I can't say I'm looking forward to it but everyone says its normally a very positive experience and half hour of our lives could give so much to littlie in the future.

Good luck with the meeting and everything else.
Love
OT x


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

hi,

We met with birthparents during introductions, I initially didnt want to but when the time came we were both glad we did, we didnt find out anymore facts/history or anything like that mainly because bm just wanted to talk about herself and what a crap life she had had!, but at least we can tell our little girl when she is older that we met with them and got on okay with them which I think is important for her, we also had our photograph taken with them to go in the life story book.

they will only have indirect contact in the form of letterbox once a year, but we will have yearly contact with the paternal grandmother who we have also met and got on ok with so we will see how that goes as it is not a legal contact order or anything like that, she also will have 3 contacts a year with her siblings again we will see how that goes.

Yours sounds a little more complex from reading your post but we found once we had met these people it did help us understand more and see both sides of adoption.

Hope this helps and good luck!

Dawn

xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi we met our DD BP & like so many I had built up pictures in my head about them & was dreading the meeting but to be fair it went as well as it could do & I did feel sorry for the BM.

We had our photo taken with them to show DD...........you may want to suggest it, some are willing for you to take a photo of them to show the children when thy are older, some are happy to have a group photo like we did as it proved we'd met BP.

Just be yourself, I bet they will just be as nervous as you.

Your SW will be there to handle any questions you feel uncomfortable answering.

good luck.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

I just wanted to say I hope it goes ok for you 

I am in the unusual position of knowing the BM and other family as I am the foster carer for the little one we are adopting ( still cant believe I am saying that  ) 
As the others say I think the build up to it makes you nervous , more so than the actual meeting. 
I actually feel very saddened that my little ones mum has had him taken from her as sometimes they are just as much the victims of circumstances as the child/children are.(depending on situation )  So glad he is staying and I will be able to answer so many questions for him as he grows up 

 with it 

xx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Suzie

Congratulations!  Didn't realise you were now going to adopt him, thats really great.

Love
OT x


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## TraceyH (Apr 14, 2004)

Hi

I totally echo what everyone else has says.  I was really dreading meeting the BP's to the extent that I very nearly did not go but was gently pursuaded.  I am so pleased we did it and would encourage everyone to do it given the opportunity.  I came out feeling very emotional and very sad for the BP's but positive about the meeting.  We didn't have a photo but wished that we had.

All the best.

Tracey x


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Old Timer said:


> Suzie
> 
> Congratulations! Didn't realise you were now going to adopt him, thats really great.
> 
> ...


thank you  We didnt set out to but he is one special little boy 

xx


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Suzie - Congratulation I too didn't realise you were adopting your little boy.

I too have got to know Ds BP very well, and will continue to see them 2x yearly, as others have said get as much info as possible, allergies, names - where are they from, family history, likes and dislikes etc.

Take Care

Fiona


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Just to say we meet with the birth family on Friday and it was no where near as bad as we thought it would be.  In fact the Manager who chaired the meeting was very good at getting BM to talk and we didn't have to do anything other than sit and listen.  We all had tears, we all laughed and smiled.  We also had photos taken and hugs.  BM has relinquished Littlie and is still really only a youngster herself, she did really well and at the end said she was pleased the SW had found the right people for Littlie which was really nice of her.

Love
OT x


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Thats great to hear OT  

What a real positive for little one when they have questions and you can say you actually met birth family 

big  to you

xx


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## Lynnm (Mar 7, 2006)

Hiya

Like many of you, we too met BM and granny.  This was at BM's request and at first I did have some slight reservations.  But I am so glad that we went - it went really well and was a bit emotional.  BM asked us some questions around garden, pets, hobbies we have etc - think she wanted a feel for kind of life Rainbow was going to have,  I think we did her her some reassurances on her worries.  

We didnt really think of questions in advance (wish I had though) but really just took the conversation as it flowed and asked some questions around Rainbow i.e why name? was he born early/late? was it a difficult birth? etc.  She gave this information freely and I am so happy to know this personal information.  In the future Rainbow may or may not be interested in knowing, but the main thing is it is there if he wishes to do so 

Lynn x


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## naoise (Feb 17, 2005)

Hi Lynn

I to wish that I thought of more things to ask than what I did, I was so nervous that I forgot just about everything, it wasn't too bad though we just babbled on about how well the girls were getting on and they just said that they were glad that the girls were together. We had our photos taken and I have to say he was friendly toward to us but a bit naive and they both seemed very immature. But glad we did it and it will be good to tell the girls that we have met their bps in later times.

Love K


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