# New member - very depressed



## Bruginilda

Hi All 

I’ve never posted on a forum before so not really sure how to start! 

I'm 33 and have been trying for over 3 years to have a baby (although I have been with my partner for 8 years without ever using contraception).   This year has been spent having lots of tests (most recent test has been a HSG) and there seems to be nothing wrong with either of us.  I have slightly low oestrogen levels and my partner’s “soldiers” (as he calls them) are generally fine.

For various reasons we only started investigating what was wrong last year and have just been referred to the Wolfson Family Clinic at Hammersmith Hospital to see Dr Emil Barsoum  Derias in January 2009.  

This last year has been really difficult for me. My two best friends are pregnant (one has just gone off on maternity leave) as is my sister in- law and whilst I do try really hard to be supportive and loving to them inside I feel like I’m drowning.     All that seems to matter now in my life is getting pregnant.  Everything else has become completely meaningless and I know that being so desperate will only make my chance of getting pregnant even worse but I’m just not sure how to stop feeling so incredibly sad all the time.    I was referred for counselling but it didn’t really work for me as they wanted to drag up childhood issues that I’d rather leave in the past.  I’ve started to isolate myself from most friends and I hate going out with people other than my partner as all I want to do is cry about not being able to have a baby. I used to be a “normal” person that liked socialising!  

I hope finding this forum will be a way of talking to other people that can understand me. 

I’ve been referred by my GP for NHS treatment and I was wondering what the time line for treatment normally is from your first consultation. I don’t think I can wait much longer as I just feel like life is pointless if I can’t be a mother.    

Bruginilda


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## Chedza

Hi
Just to say that I am really sorry you have had such a tough year- know what that feels like and can totally realte to  your story of sadness and difficulty  around pregnant  friends. I believe that being desperate is pretty normal for people in our position and  to behonest , being desperate isnt going to make the slightest bit of difference - in fact it is probably more healthy to admit to having those  feelings than trying to prentend that they  dont exsist.Counselling has really helped me deal with my feelings  of sadness -somewhere to go to offload-  would you not give it a go again
Your waiting time depends on the list re  your PCT and how many goes are funded also depend upon your PCt -We opted to go private cos we  just wanted to dooo something- but I guess that deonds upon cash .
Definately definately know how you feel .
Chedza


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## Pinktink

Hi,

I'm new so don't have a huge amount of experience to offer but didn't want to read and run.

I'm sure it seems easier said than done but try and be positive about your upcoming treatment, hopefully it will be your time.  

I'm by no means an expert but perhaps the counselling didn't work because you couldn't deal with those issues, sometimes you need to shake all those skeletons out of your closet as hard as it is to allow you to take a deep breath and move on?

It's just a thought. I hope things get better for you.

Good luck

Lx


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## Caz

Bruginilda, welcome to Fertility Friends. 

Firstly I just want to send you a huge  because you obviously need it. 
Unexplained is such a horribly frustrating diagnosis too. 
You don't need counselling at all, you just need people who understand what you are going through and you will certainly find that here on FF. Everything you describe about how you are feeling right now sounds very familiar. This thing - infertility - is a monster that transforms us into sad, obsessive, scared, angry and frustrated shadows of our real selves. What you are dealing with, emotionally, is a kind of grief (for normalcy and for the loss of doing what should come naturally). It's horrible but absolutely normal for you to feel this way. You will find the majority of FFers here will have experienced some or all of what you are feeling too and most find it a huge relief to realise that there are people who know and who understand. You will make so many friends here who do - it's like a lifeline sometimes. I've been right where you are and then some and I can honetsly say I would have gone completely ga ga without FF in my life!

I can't answer your question about the waiting lists as I don't know what they are for your PCT (I should as it's probably the same as mine but we were ineligable for NHS funding so went private with me as an egg sharer to reduce the cost). However I do know that it will very much depend on the PCT's recommended treatment strategy (i.e. if they put you forward for IUI first of go straight to IVF or try something else). Waitng lists vary so widely across the country that it could be 3 months or it could be 2 years. The easiest way to find out is to contact your PCT directly or the clinic and ask. However we do have a very long running and frequently used thread for patients at Hammersmith and I am sure if you pop along there, say hi and join in and ask there, someone would be able to give you a rough guide to how long you can expect to wait.

The Hammersmith thread is here:

*Hammersmith ~ * CLICK HERE

Here are some more links you might find helpful at the moment. Please do have a look around and explore and start posting around the boards and making friends. FF is a wonderfully supportive community and you can only get the best out of it if you start posting and joining in so, please do so.

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Unexplained ~*CLICK HERE

*Questions for your first cycle consultation ~ (use the ones that apply) *CLICK HERE

You can have a bit of fun or just gossip while you are on FF too so check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area:

*Girl & Boy talk - Community & Fun Board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie night in the chat room every week (*Wednesday at 8pm*), where you can meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

Wishing you lots of luck and a shortt waiting list! 

C~x


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## IVF Twin Mummy

Hello and welcome to my second home.. otherwise known as FF... if i'm not here i am just sat watching the tv.. hence the second home comment  .

I just wanted to say hi and give you these       

Wishing you all the luck in the world on your journey.

Love
Lou
xxxx


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## Cotswold Girl

Just wanted to give you a big   and wish you luck for the future. When people really close to you are pregnant it can be so very hard. You're not alone and FF is an excellent place to share your feelings and frustrations. 

Try not to cut yourself off hunny. We've all been there and sometimes it can be so difficult to face the world. If you haven't already done so perhaps you should confide in a friend. Just having someone to talk to can help. 

CG xxxxx


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## topaz7

Hi Bruginilda,

Firstly, lots of big hugs to you!  

You are definitely not alone and I have a good idea of how you are feeling. I've been there, feeling like life had no meaning if I couldn't be a mother. One by one my friends and work colleagues were falling pregnant - it's like the rest of world can do it so why can't I?

However, I don't feel anything like as bad as that now and in many ways I've been happier in the last 3 months than I have for ages. My DH has noticed the difference! 

I didn't have counselling, I just found FF and in doing so discovered that I wasn't alone. Hearing other people's stories gave me strength and hope. People here have been so kind and supportive.

When my cycle was cancelled in October, I think I would have coped far worse if I hadn't have joined a cycle buddies thread beforehand. I discovered that other people also get their cycles cancelled for a variety of reasons so that when it happened to me, yes I was greatly disappointed, but no, it was not end of the world. I was able to keep it in perspective.

I really hope the clinic will be able to help you.  It must be so frustrating that there's nothing obviously wrong but remember, there are still things they can do to try to help you.

Good luck and I sincerely hope you find happiness in 2009! Have a few more bubbles to help lift your spirits! 

xxx


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## anon_berks_70

Hi there, I totally get where you are at.
There is nothing more frustrating/depressing than when people (friends and family) share their good news.Not sure if this sounds familiar to you.

"I wanted to tell you face to face... that I am pregnant." - a mate who thought that telling me over the phone would upset me
"Are you ok with it?.. wasnt sure how you'd take it?" - That was one of my best friends who was trying to be sensitive to my situation!
or having to crack open the champers to celebrate hubby's best mate's pregnancy and remember - to be a friend first.. once they left both my hubby and I deflated,cried as it was exhausting having to work hard at being happy...

What I learnt through each instance, and I say this to myself everyday -- 
Fate takes you down your own path.. 
You wouldnt want your friends' bad luck, as much as you want their Good luck, so don't be unhappy when they are fortunate.
Each of us will be dealt an equal share of Good and Bad. 
If I can get the bad out of the way first -- it will be plainer sailing, only answers I am looking for is When? and what can I do?

I am not that religous, and boy does my family encourage me to be..
Its definately not easy to be 7 cycles down and really non-the-wiser to why?

But I do believe you are here for a reason, and have a purpose.. so fate will show us.

I don't have the answers.. this is just how I cope..trying to remain positive about my journey and realising, it doesn't have to be a lonely one, we just need like-minded people to help us along the way.
I joined today, because we want to try again in 2009.
Good luck with your efforts - reading the feedback of others has given me more strength - hope it does you to.


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## moower

Hi Bruginilda

Welcome to FF, sorry your having such a hard time at the moment it can be really difficult not to become completely overwelmed with all this (especially at this time of year!) but your definatley in the right place for support and understanding. I cant get through without talking on here.

sending you lots of   and   that your dreams come true

take care 
moower xx


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