# what if it's not Gods will?



## zp (Jan 8, 2006)

Hi everyone,

We have been trying to concieve for 4 1/2 years now, have had 3 lots of IUI and one M/C. 

My question is does anyone else ever think that God might not want them to have a baby of their own? How do we really pray "your will be done"? Iguess it's a question you could have about any aspect of your life but this one just seems even harder (at least to me) as having children is something the church (christian or other) holds as so important.

Many blessings to you all

ZP


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## Julie Wilts (Feb 27, 2008)

ZP - I think we have all probably felt this at some time.  When my first IUI failed I got angry for a few days, thinking how much I'd put my trust in God, but yet it had failed.  Within a few days, when my emotions had settled, I just felt that it wasn't time yet.  I am so very lucky that I am already blessed with a dd, but feel deep inside that I am meant to carry on with my family (despite my dx).

Feehilyfan said something so beautiful - about being a heart mummy rather than a tummy mummy, and I think God's plan sometimes isn't quite what you expect it to be.  Fee will be a fabulous Mummy, but not quite in the way she originally expected.

I think you have to keep   & listening, and I hope that will get your answers very soon.
God bless. XXX


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

ZP - I believe it's God's will for DH and I not to have a birth child, but we will have a child of our own, I just won't give birth to him/her.

I knew we may have trouble conciving before we even married due to operations DH had had as a child.  When we discussed it i felt God saying straight away that it wasn't part of his plan for us to have bio-babies and although DH thought differently (ever the optimist!) this thought always stayed with me through our 2 years tcc before tests.  Our test results were conclusive - we'd never have a bio-baby.  i feel we have been called to be adoptive parents and see clearly how God has been preparing us for this.  

So i guess what i'm saying is that yes, I truly believe that for us it's God's will we don't have bio-babies.  But everyone is different and only you can know what God's will for you will be, and he might not have told you yet!

Feehilyfan's post reminded me of a book i read called "When the Cradle is Empty".  It's about infertility from a christian point of view and has a lovely poem in it which has a line that says (when talking about adoption)  "you didn't grow under my heart but in it".  

Anyway, sorry for the ramble!

Bx


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## Em26 (Jan 6, 2007)

Wow, what a very very important question zp, thanks for asking it. I think the question of God's will etc is one that we probably all grapple with.  

I've been thinking about this loads over the last few months, and want to share some of my thoughts. They're just thoughts and where I am right now, might think something different next week! Please take them or leave them. I actually found myself having to go back and look at what I believe about God, what he's like, suffering etc, after a, well intentioned, but very hurtful comment someone made, that would have completely thrown me off track spiritually if I hadn't have talked and prayed it through at length with an older and much wiser friend and read lots! This might be a bit theological, but it comes from a hurting heart to other hurting hearts, and none of it is meant glibbly!

I believe in a God who's good, who does good things, who's loving and compassionate, a God of life and not death, and a God who, when he created the world, said that it was VERY good. I know that infertility, miscarriage and all the rest of the rubbish in this world is not good. I truly think that God grieves with us, and aches for us more than we could ever know. I don't believe that God created our bodies to go wrong! But, they do, as we know all too well. So how does this fit together? Well, I think that all that's messed up about this world is a result of the fall. (Please know I don't in ANY WAY believe that it's a result of individual sin at all, God's a God of grace and forgiveness, just look at the cross!). But, because of God's INCREDIBLE grace and mercy (and cleverness!) he can and does use our infertility/losses/other bad things for good! Whether that means supporting other people who are going through it/providing an incredible loving home for kids who'd not have one otherwise/many other things. So is it God's will for us to have babies? Well, I just don't know (wish I did!). But I do know that he's good and loving, and weeps with us everytime we get a BFN etc. I also believe that sometimes God miraculously intervenes, and sometimes does have a different plan, like for those who know they're meant to adopt.

It's great to hear from those who know clearly God's will in their journeys. For me, I don't have a clue and it hurts and sucks. I'm pretty sure God wants us to be parents, but how? It's funny the questions I'd never dreamt I'd be faced with before I got married. I guess my thoughts on this have probably raised more questions than they've answered, certainly for me. But they're just thoughts. 

Love and cyber hugs to all fellow travellers on this crazy, often horrible journey. It does help to have travelling companions!  

Em


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## malteeza (Mar 23, 2005)

Dear ZP - 

Thank you for your post - I struggle hugely with this too.

Em - your post is the most moving and thoughtful collections of words I have ever read with regard to this issue.  I agree whole heartedly with you and I am so grateful you posted.  Thank you so much for your words.

Love,
Malteeza x


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## JCB (Dec 13, 2007)

We had a sermon on prayer last year that I will never forget and the line that was repeated again and again was

"Always pray and never give up"

I can't tell you how many times I have said this to myself since then

You may however have to be prepared for the answer to your prayer coming in a different form to the one you expected!


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

I think its a question we have all wanted answers to at some point and I think your posts sum it up perfectly. None of us know Gods plan for us but we all trust in him and trust that he will guide us in the right direction. 

I am thankful that this year our almighty God has shown us what plan he has for my dh and I  I have had 10 years of marriage with unanswered questions about having children only to have the most special little boy come into our care who we have just been given the go ahead to start the adoption process for  Not the path we felt our lives would ever take but thats the greatness of God 

Without our infertility I would never have met the most amazing people here on fertility friends. Friends for life who understand  Don't get me wrong I was angry at God for a long time and prayed sometimes until I felt I couldnt any longer.   and I will always have the what if questions in my head , what if we had continued with treatment etc but life is full of what ifs I guess 

Sorry seemed to have rambled there 

I can honestly say god wanted us to have children just not the way we thought. I also believe he has called dh and I to fostering and we will continue to do this even after we have adopted 

big  to you

xx


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## Julie Wilts (Feb 27, 2008)

Suzie

How fantastic that you will soon have a little boy in your life  .  That's great news - just like Feehilyfan welcoming a DS and DD into her home in May.  I hope it can all go through quickly for you and how great that you will also be fostering after adopting as well.  

In our sermon yesterday the vicar said that "even Christians don't always get answers in the way they expect", and that really struck a chord with me.

Like you said .... "without our infertiity I would never have met the most amazing people here on FF" and I totally agree.  I feel constantly lifted by all the support and love of the people here.

's to everyone.
XXXX


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## zp (Jan 8, 2006)

Thank you so much for your amazing posts....I'm so glad to hear that many of you have found an answer to prayer even if it wasn't the first answer you wanted. And for everyone who is still struggling to know, I pray that it will become clear soon. Some days I think the waiting and uncertainty are as bad as the emptyness of not having a child. I really don't know what is ment to be so for now I think I'll just have to believe that God does have a plan, when I find it out I'll let you know.

For me, without this IF I would not be the same person and that person is infinatly more gentle, understanding. Also dh and I are closer and stronger.  I too have met some wonderful people though FF and have been able to support several friends though their own journeys because of my own experiences. For all these things I thank God.

love helen


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## Julie Wilts (Feb 27, 2008)

Feehilyfan (a.k.a Sarah),  

How did it go hun?

XXXX


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## Wicklow (May 13, 2006)

You will know when its Gods will! Sometimes when Im having a bad day, boys kicking off etc I do think, maybe this is why God has chosen not to give me children and ive gone ahead and done it! But at other times when im chatting through ivf with a lady who thinks she may have to go down that route (and she did and had a baby boy now!) i think, yes God did have a plan for me and we did this for a reason. I wouldnt have my boys if i could have JUST had a baby! and I thank God every day for them (well mostly!!!!!)

There are reasons why it works for some and not others, why it takes longer, why we have to change the direction and way of having a baby but you will undoubtedly know when it is right, hes not judgeing, hes holding and supporting you.

Love to you all
Ruth


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## zp (Jan 8, 2006)

Ruth, your boys really are lovely


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## Lasha (Mar 26, 2007)

Hi there, 
Sorry my post is late, i just came across this and I thought I'd chip in.

As per God's will, I'll say this, He does say that '... and none of them will be barren...' - in speaking about his people. Do y'all remember, Sarah, Hannah? Let's take sarah; she was 99yrs old!!! I don't pray anyone of us will have to wait that long, but she could have given up and said, 'maybe it isn't God's will' only to find out that God had a plan all along. 

I would tell you, if my DH and I weren't 'given' this long wait (about 5yrs ttcing) we would be divorced by now because, we wouldn't have had the chance to learn properly of each other and we wouldn't be this close; any child we would have had in the 1st yr would have been pretty ordinary. Now, we feel so different having worked this hard for this and God has indeed crowned our efforts. 

Please remember also that the Holy Spirit comforts us so that we can comfort one another. God has his reasons of delaying these things as we DONT know the future but God knows the end. There's a saying in my culture that says, 'it's the lack of knowledge and timing that disturbs humans, let's put our trust in God'.

I wish you all the best!

Lasha


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