# I'm losing my grip



## vicster (Dec 16, 2006)

Hi Clomid chicks,

I really feel like I'm losing it today.  I;m feeling really pmtish and feel like I can't cope with having another AF, all the horrible PMT that goes with it and the major disappointment.  My back and ovaries ache, I'm so on edge and one minute I'm hot, the next cold.  I lost my rag with someone at work this morning as she was going on at me about something really petty and stupid - I was shaking with anger and turned into a bit of a stroppy teenager , using the word "Whatever"!!!  LaAst night I had horrid, vivid dreams and woke up at 4,30am feeling really sick.  
I know that my symptoms are the same whether I am pregnant or about to get af, so I'm not getting my hopes up and am convinced that it is af.  Ahh!! I hate all this.  I feel like running away. I'm tired of trying to be positive


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## Dots (Sep 25, 2006)

Ohh Vicster - I've just been reading posts by you elsewhere - I think you are normally a very positive person. Accept that today... and maybe the next few days... you are having a bit of a grump... and that's OK. Just try to accept it  - if it helps blame the Clomid, blame the weather, blame January... JUST DON'T BLAME YOURSELF!!!!


What day are you on? How has your cycle been recently?

xx


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## julie0203 (Oct 23, 2006)

hiya hun

sorry ur feeling down at the minute its the   pills they make me the same way ... i know how Ur feeling about running away i feel like that 2 unfortunately i seem to be clomid resistant suprise suprise haha and i have just had the news both my Sils are now pregnant found out the second one yesterday im so discoraged by this when i should be Happy but i know i just have to stay positive , I hope you feel better soon 

Hugs Julie xx


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

Vicster  
Just remember that pregnancy and AF 2ww can feel exactly the same, you only have to look on the voting room.  I know what you mean though, I was calling every other driver an expletive on the motorway yesterday 

Chin up chick xxx


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## tracyb (Aug 29, 2005)

Vicster, sorry you are feeling so low, we can all relate to that  

I used to have very vivid dreams whilst on clomid, when you are tired it doesn't help.

Hopefully you will get some good news soon     

Take care
Love Tracy


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

Hi Vicster,

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low, I totally know how you feel though   Accept I can't blame it on the Clomid or periods (as I don't have them  ) but just due to the fact I'm desperate for a baby! It's awful having to feel like this and to try and be positive all the time - that's particularly exhausting  

We all have our off days though babe and I'm sure in a few days time you will feel much better. 

Ros
x


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## Mrs Hopeful (Sep 1, 2006)

Hey Vicster

Sorry your down hun,   know exactly how your feeling, what CD are you on?  I am on CD 25 and feeling just as fiesty as you.  I am dismissing someone at work tomorrow and worried that if she starts arguing with me I will just kick off big style and end up bopping her which is not like me at all .  I too had a really early morning about 4.30am Tuesday feeling sick and have had very vivid dreams all week.  weird ehh    

Maybe we could support each other these next couple of days.

Let me know and we can stay on this thread if you fancy it.

Mrs Hopeful


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## vicster (Dec 16, 2006)

Hi everyone,
Thank you so much for the lovely messages.  They have really helped me get out of the dark place I was.  I also did some dancing this evening which took my mind off things.  

Mrs Hopeful- would be good to chat - we seem to be experiencing similar side effects at the mo
  I have to go now as my dh needs to do some urgent things on his laptop but I'll write tomorrow.  I hope you manage to dismiss your colleague without too much trouble!
Will be in touch tomorrow


Lots of hugs and luck to everyone
a more positive Vicster xx


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## vicster (Dec 16, 2006)

Hey Mrs Hopeful, how are you feeling today?  

I'm actually not feeling too bad today - had a better nights sleep, ovary pain and back ache has subsided and I managed to get through a day at work without snapping at anyone! I'm on day 28 and am expecting af next tuesday.

The thing that has started to bug me again is the whole miscarriage thing and whether I should get a loan out to have tests done as my consultant won't do them on the nhs until 3.  Part of me feels that I should trust the consultant and hold onto the fact that one or two are still more likely to be just bad luck, part of me thinks I'm not doing everything I should.  I'm also worried that itmight be better saving getting a loan out just in case we have to pay for private IUI or IVF.  Anyway, I've kind of decided that I should try convincing my consultant one last time when I see her at the end of this month - its annoying as I've got this insurance that will pay for the investigations if I can get a referral (I've only just found this out) and my GP won't give me one cos they don't want to go against the advice of the consultant.Maybe the consultant will change her mind if she knows the nhs won't have to pay for them.

Well, I'm waffling now.  The thing with miscarriage is to remember that you are still more likely to have a successful pregnacny the next time than to have another miscarraige - positive thinking!!

Right,I'm going to check my emails to see if two of my best friends have given birth at last and check that our eucolyptus tree hasn't blown over cos I just heard a load bang!!

Hope you are well and are feeling optimistic
Vicster


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## Mrs Hopeful (Sep 1, 2006)

Hello Vicster 

Glad your feeling better, I am too now that the dismissal is finally over.  It wasn't preety but over and done with now so I can forget about it and just get back to managing the good ones in my team.

I definately think you should try and convince your con to do the investigations now instead of waiting to see if you have yet anoyther miscarriage, its the waiting that makes this so hard.

Glad your able to stay so positive, i'm taking a leaf out of you book.

Speak soon

Mrs Hopeful xx


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## vicster (Dec 16, 2006)

hmm, I've just had a great night out - not!  My DH told me he had a small gig tonight (he forgot to tell me before) - he's in a band but this was just with two of them - so I decided to go as I've been geting sick of acting like I have kids when I don't.  So I made the trek over to North London and the whole event was a shambles and they wouldn't have been on until midnight, so I came home! And now I stink of smoke - ugh I can't stand it these days! And my tummy and back have started hurting again.  Oh well!!  Not every experience can be a great one!  DH has just rung me to say he's pulling out and coming home too he's so fed up!

Glad today went ok and that you're feeling ok.  What day are you on and how long are your cycles normally? My last, first cycle of Clomid was 34 days and my natural cycles vary from 31-54.  Did you say you have endo?  I don't but one of my best friend's does and it gives her alot of pain.  She's only just started ttc and is really worried about it all.  All my other firends have fallen pregnant within 6 months of trying and have had successful pregnancies - I realy feel like the odd one out. Not that I'd wish this on any one of them but I can't help but feel jealous.

Anyway,
I have to go and have a shower to get rid of this stinky smell!

Vicster
xx


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## Mrs Hopeful (Sep 1, 2006)

Awwhh Vicster,

So sorry you has such a KaKa night.  You and your DH should do something nice this weekend, go for a meal or get a bottle and a dvd in.  The back and tummy ache must be awful too get in a bubble bath and then put your hot water bottle on it.  

I know what gigging can be like I was lead singer in a show band for years and it could be very stressful.  

I am on day 27 of a normal 28/29 cycle since starting the clomid but I used to have ridiculously long cycles like 45 days or 68 days once, The 68 day one was a bit weird and my GP said it could have even been early miscarriage as I had loads of pain with that period or it could have just been because I had gone so long.  Will never know now. I do have endometresis which they discoverd after my lap and dye in August.  Never knew about it though and it doesn't really bother me either just thought it was normal womanly stuff.

Still feel like AF is not coming and convinced I am pregnant but know I am stupid to get my hopes up, can't help it.  At least if AF does arrive then I will know in future that I still can't predict what messages my body is giving me.

Take care hun have a good weekend.  ooh you still forgot to tell me what Cd your on

Mrs Hopeful xxx


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## vicster (Dec 16, 2006)

Hey hun,

Thanks for the message. Glad you're feeling hopeful.  I'm on day 31, so as last cycle was 34 days am expecting AF on Tuesday.  My pains aren't so bad today. I really have no idea if I'm pregnant or not and have lots of nice things planned this weekend to keep my mind off things.  

Glad your endo doens't give you pain - my friend must have it bad as she is in agony every time she has AF and af often lasts 10 days!!! Poor love. 

Cool you were in a band - where did you gig?  Do you keep up your singing?  I used to be a dancer, well I spose I still am, but I don't really do it professionally anymore.

Here's a funny story .....
My dh punched me on the lip in his sleep last night!!!!!   He was dreaming that he was a Ninja in the Royal Marines, fighting the enemy!  It made me jump so much and made me cry as I ws half asleep and in shock!  There's not too much damage though and we keep laughing about it now!!!  He doesn't usually do such things but had had a few beers (he hardly ever drinks, in fact he was tee total from the age of 18 until our wedding might in 2004!)


Anyway, better go and get ready to go out

Hope yo are having a great weekend.

LOve Vicster
xx


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## Mrs Hopeful (Sep 1, 2006)

Hi ninjas girlfriend 

Hope your recovered after that.  I laughted my pants off   when read thet.  My hubby has attacked me in his slepp before and at the time its awful but in the morning its always funny.

Has AF arrived yet

Sorry I have been absent but AF arrived on Saturday for me day 28 and felt naff but ok now.  Think I will just ignore my body from now on and go with the flo.

What did you do over the weekend anything special.  Hope your feeling ok

Speak Soon.

Mrs Hopeful xxxxx


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## vicster (Dec 16, 2006)

Helloooee...

Yep, af arrived for me too last weekend so have been feeling very glum and drugged out on the clomid.  Sorry to hear things haven't worked this time for you either.

Was starting to feel a bit better and then we found an unopened letter from dh's urologist saying his latest results are still not great and that he needs to go on some drugs.  Dunno which ones but am confused by it all.  He has changed dh's apointment from feb to June to give the drugs a chance to work.  I'm wondering if there is any point in me being on the clomid at the mo.

Anyway,
hope you are feeling more    I hope so - we'll get there in the end!!

Speak soon
Love vicster


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## Mrs Hopeful (Sep 1, 2006)

Hey Vikster

So sorry its been a while since my last post but had a manic weekend and week and needed a little break I think from the whole FF. You know what it can be like.  Hope your ok and had a good week.  I am off to York tomorrow and been looking forward to it for the last couple of weeks and it fall really nicely for my CD14 which is usually the day I Ov since starting the clomid.

How are you are your and your chap coping with the situation, its totally pants sometimes when you think all the odds are stacked against you but don't give up.

The cons are there for you so if you need something demand it and don't let them tell you how it should be

Speak soon

Chin up and take care

Sending you loads of       vibes

Mrs Hopeful xxxxx


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