# Why?? :-(



## LEIGH1 (Feb 1, 2007)

I've been a member of this site for years but I never post mainly because I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right place. Anyway I had my first cycle of ivf march this year I had 1 grade A embryo replaced and in may bfn :-( we had 7 frosties all grade A 2 were replaced on 21-9-11 I did my pregnancy test on 6-10-11 and again bfn :-( I don't know what I'm doing wrong?? I did have a stressful 2ww with family problems but surely that's not the only reason is hasn't worked?? I've got 3 months wait now before round 3 and I'm petrified it doesn't work before it's even started! I'm constantly searching the Internet for answers that really I know don't exist! I just feel useless I'm desperate to talk to somebody who understands can anyone help?? Lots of love Leigh xxx


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## lola33 (May 17, 2011)

Hi Leigh,

Sorry that you feel so negative before you next cycle   but unfortunately I know what you mean. I am due to start my second cycle next month, but I am not feeling positive at all  I had a BFN in after tx in august, had 2 top quality blasts transferred with really good success odds, but still nothing and of course there is no answers to why  IVF is often a numbers game, sometimes you get lucky, sometimes you don't, it is usually as simple is that, but of course in some cases it can be other reason. It is all so very confusing and I'm really struggling with being positive at the moment. Sorry, I guess I didnt help you with positive attitude

Fingers crossed for our next tx    

Xx


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## LEIGH1 (Feb 1, 2007)

Hiya Lola,
Thanks for your reply! don't worry about not being positive i know how hard it is!    I know everything your saying is right it is just a case of whatever will be will be it's just getting your head round that when you've had a bfn isn't it    I think it makes it harder when everything goes to plan it's just a case of your precious embies sticking and when they don't you question everything when they told me this was going to be a rollercoaster ride they wern't bloody kidding! If you ever need somebody to talk to feel free to message me sometimes it's nice just to talk to somebody who actually understands!
absolutely got everything crossed for us for next time thank you so much for your reply          
xxxx


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## khawlah (Feb 22, 2011)

Hi Leigh
I totally understand where you're coming from I'm actually on my 5th ICSI and having gone through so many ivf/icsi cycles I sometimes thing why as well?! And I have blastocyst transfer as well
It's good, to come on here and vent bcuz we're all going through it or been thru it we can empathise with each other. 
And each cycle doesn't get easier if anything it's harder bcuz, u pin that much more hope on it! 
But have to keep dusting ourselves off and keep trying 
Where there is a will there's a way.
So take some time out for yourself and try to forget this fertility malarkey easier said than done I know i find a holiday helps  

All the best in your cycle Lola hope this is the one for you


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## lola33 (May 17, 2011)

Hello ladies,

Yes, it is nice to vent a little bit, cause don't feel is appropriate to vent all this negativity on some of the other threads, don't want to drag other people down. I have low ovarian reserve and thought that my biggest problem was producing a decent amount and quality eggs and when that turned out to be better than expected I thought that I overcame my biggest hurdle and in my mind I was PG already, I calculated delivery date, would be in May just around my birthday, start looking at baby names etc, how  naive was I   

Leigh- hope 3 months fly by quickly and you can get reunited with your frosties 

Khawlah- saw that you are with ARGC, they are great and helped a lot of people that failed else where, will probably try them if my next cycle fails. Best of luck, hope they will do their magic on you    

Xx


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## LEIGH1 (Feb 1, 2007)

Hiya Khawlah
Thanks for your reply    your so right this is a great place to vent it has definitely helped me! I can't believe you have gone through 5 cycles!   I have only had 2 and fallen apart both times I really don't know how many more times I can put myself through this I know I sound pathetic there are worse things going on in the world I just hope I can find the strength! I have been really lucky this year my brother lives in spain so he paid for my flights in june as a treat after mays failed cycle then i went over again in august to prepare myself for this recent cycle i'd do anything to go now just to escape but i'm afraid work beckons    i'll maybe try and visit before my next cycle   
wishing you lots of love and luck  xxxx          

Hiya Lola
I know exactly how you feel I did exactly the same!    because my treatment went exactly to plan there were no signs of anything going wrong until i did my pregnancy test    It's crazy how within seconds all of your plans and hopes and dreams just fly out of the window then your just left to pick up the pieces! I'm so glad i have people to talk to I tend to avoid talking about it to my friends because they don't know what to say and plus i feel like i am walking doom and gloom at the minute i don't have a relationship with my mum or sister so that's that out of the window (probably a good thing!) so thanks listening! I have no frosties now so it's long protocal for me next time I'll find the strength though if it kills me!   
wishing you lots of love and luck xxxxx


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## lola33 (May 17, 2011)

Hi Leigh,

I know what you mean about wanting to get away, we actually off on a holiday on Thursday   felt that it needed to be done  lucky you to have a brother in Spain, definitely try to get away if you get a chance. Sorry about non existent relationship with your mother and sister, but it seems like your brother is really there for you  I haven't told my friends about the tx, we are very close, but this is just too personal and as you said they could never understand. I told my family and they were really great and supportive, but will not tell them that I'm trying again in November, will keep it to myself this time  I don't have any frosties either so will have start all over again  I'm always here if you want to chat hun, best of luck for your next one will  it's your lucky time

Xx


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## LEIGH1 (Feb 1, 2007)

Hiya Lola,
Oooh I'm so jealous bet you can't wait to get away! hope you have a fabulous time    I am so lucky to have my big brother he's at home at the moment and he's a bit of a blokey you know not quite sure what to say but i can tell he's trying he's got a heart of gold i'd be lost without him! I don't blame you wanting to keep your treatment quiet i tried that this time round but it didn't happen! managment at work who i'd asked to keep quiet told collegues so i've had texts from people wishing me luck which is lovely but not really what i wanted so i'm not exactly impressed!    like you say it's very personal and sometimes you need some time out on your own to get your own head around things! Anyway i did decide to tell a couple of my close friends but it does make it harder when it doesn't work    and if i hear one more time "aww there's always next time just wasn't meant to be" i think i'm actually going to scream! i feel like saying i didn't bloody want there to be a next time i wanted it to work this time! but i think i'm doing well because i haven't actually said that out loud yet   
I'd love to keep in touch honey i'm always here to chat too    wishing you lots and lots of luck for november i really hope your dreams come true have a lovely chilled holiday it'll be just what the doctor ordered


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## khawlah (Feb 22, 2011)

Hey Lola and Leigh 
Hope you ladies are feeling bit better and PMA is on the up!   
AFM its actually my 3rd time with ARGC! and as you can see by my signature its failed yet again!     
at such a loss and so devastated have no idea what to do where to go. At one of the best clinics in the country everything went really well in the cycle and it implanted but decided not to stay WHYYY!! 
anyway sorry to bring down the tone   but just needed to share with ppl who know what i'm going through.
just so teary at the moment poor hubby doesn't know what to do with me.
but bring on the holidays! got a long break planned over xmas to help me get over it altho how much it'll help it'll involve seeing relatives   and could do without pity looks.
leigh- surely thats a breach of data protection if management told your colleagues..... so not on!! i'm sure ppl in personnel have to sign a confidentiality agreement..... Totally know where you are coming from "always next time" I wanted it this time! 
lola have a lovely holiday and all the best for your treatment in Nov     
i pray we all get our positives soon we deserve them


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## hellibump (Sep 21, 2006)

Bfn again a couple we met got positive today why not us?


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## LEIGH1 (Feb 1, 2007)

Hiya Khawlah
I am so so sorry to hear your news   You are not bringing down the tone ok! we need eachother at times like this!  I wish i could make it better for you but I know that it doesn't matter what anybody says it's not going to take that pain away! You need time to grieve and time to get your head around it all life can be so unfair sometimes   I wish there was somebody that could give us the answers we need it's so frustrating   
Your break will help lovely and cake oh and as it's xmas alcohol!    i know it's hard because I get them all the bloody time but ignore the looks of pity you don't need anybodys pity because you can do this and your dream is still alive! never give up hope ok!     
I am definitely feeling better thanks honey i'm getting there anyway not looking forward to going back to work i've got another week to prepare myself though. I think your probably right about the data protection thing but to be honest I just can't be bothered with the agro it'll be bad enough listening to the" keep your chin up Leigh always next time"... so infuriating! you know what i mean! I can't decide wether people just don't know what to say or wether they are just stoopid!   
Sending you lots of love and hugs honey    i'm praying for us too      so if you don't feel strong enough just yet i've got ya back   
I'm here if you need me xxxxxxx


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## LEIGH1 (Feb 1, 2007)

Hi hellibump 
I am so sorry to hear your news   I found this thread and have met some lovely supportive people who actually understand how i'm feeling! I hope by talking to people that have been where you are now you find some comfort 
lots of love and hugs xxx


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## Vissa (May 9, 2011)

Glad I found this thread too! My first IVF did not work either and although I understand there are no guarantees in IVF it still felt like a real blow. I had 14 eggs, 11 fert and grade 1 embryos put back. All along, my response to the drugs was great, I took care of myself with vits, no caffeine, took the 2ww off work, had my bloody brazil nuts .... not sure what else I could have done! I got my negative result about 4 weeks ago and I just want o move on to treatment 2 but AF still hasn't arrived .....


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## LEIGH1 (Feb 1, 2007)

Hey vissa

so sorry to hear about your bfn    
I had my 2nd bfn on 6th of october    i understand exactly how you feel it is such an emotional rollercoaster! I too responded very well to the drugs, had grade A embryos, tried to take care of myself, took time out of work and ate pineapple until i started to look like one!! My 3rd cycle starts in january so i made the decision to ring the nurses and finally got through on thursday they we're reassuring but didn't really give me anything other than a healthy diet, no smoking (which i don't anyway), no alcohol, no stress that was about it i have had some stress during my last cycle but i don't think i help myself either obsessing over everything!! i'm just hoping and praying round 3 is my time     

sending you lots of     and      xxx


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