# NEW AND SO DOWN



## lyndalou (Jul 18, 2007)

HI FF

Have been reading this site for the last 2 months and it has been a great help getting us through our 1st ivf at the Lister. Everything went so well. 18 eggs 17 fertilised 5 made it to blasts 2 transferred. Think because everything went so so well we were so hopefull. 2 ww went fine with only a few twinges but day before test period came. Devasteted just cant stop crying didnt think it would effect me like this. Usually a realy strong person. Feel such a failure even though knew the chances are not high. Keep thinking i couldnt cope with another. If everything went so well why didnt it work. Just dont seem to be able to face it all again and yet after reading what some of you ladies have gone through and seem so positive i want to shake myself for the self pity. Why would it work next time. What would it be different. How do you pick yourself up from this. When will the tears stop.x


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## sueoz (Apr 26, 2005)

Oh Lyndalou,

Just saw the title of your post and felt for you. I think you have to allow yourself to really have a good wallow and reach rock bottom before you'll be ready to come back up again. It is normal to feel like this and you will get through it. Its good that you were so positive and you have every reason to be... you don't say anything about your age or situation but I would have thought with 2 blasts transferred the odds of a BFP must have been fairly good - maybe 25-30% even if you are on the older side Only guessing as we were given odds of 40% with one blast under age 30.

Just try to think of it like throwing dice - it just didn' t fall on the right side this time. It may not fall on the right side next time but the odds are if you throw it enough times you'll get lucky. I'm guessing you have frosties so you can have another go without having stims again just yet. Also remember its good to have to got to blast - proves that your eggs and sperm together can get that far- its a really good sign.

I also found that what drove me mad was people saying - 'it will work eventually/next time/I'm SO sure you'll have children' and I felt like saying - 'well how do you know, and what if it doesn't?'. Confronting the possibility that it might not work and facing down my biggest fear actually helped me to be much more positive and philosophical next time.

HTH and hasn't made you feel worse hearing it from someone who has eventually had success.

Love Sue x


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF  Lyndalou 
 I am so sorry this has not worked for you this time, feeling low is only natural,
Sues post says it all really 

I am going to leave you some direct links to boards here on FF - that you may or may not have found, I encourage you to post in these areas to build friendships and support from members who really do have an understanding of your situation, there maybe other areas of FF you will find helpful but without knowing your situation or age i am unable to leave you more links.

*Negative cycle ~ * 
CLICK HERE

*G&B ~ Community board*
CLICK HERE

*Lister girls ~*
CLICK HERE

*FET ~ * 
CLICK HERE

*FAQ ~*
CLICK HERE

To make the site easier to navigate click on the index tab at the top of any page - pink hearts mean there is something new within the board you have not read/looked at and if you scroll right down you will see the last ten posts from all over FF all are clickable  if you refresh this page (f5) it will update the last ten posts as well as the boards/threads and who's online!!!
take some time to look at the *help tab* too 

Check out the *Locations boards* for your home town & a site search for your *clinic* 

Wishing you Friendship  &    


If you need any help just ask!
~Dizzi~


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## Pickle_99_uk (Dec 12, 2005)

Hiya, 

So sorry it didn't work.  Its incredibly hard.  We've had 3 failed cycles and i think i found the shock of the forst one failing to be the worst.  Take as much time as you need to cry, shout etc, then think about your next step.  Foe some people, its more treatment but thats not right for everyone.  take care, 

Tracy xx


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## Guest (Jul 28, 2007)

Hi
My thoughts are with you - I can only say that I hope that, with time, you move forward with more strength to cope with the next part of your journey - thats what I am hoping too, as its a dreadful feeling when everything has gone well throughout...My partner and I have said it's like doing the biggest exam in your life, when you have done everything you can to get through, to the point you really couldnt do any more (positive thinking beforehand etc etc) - and then you still dont get through.  Coping with such a disappointment is a very personal thing I think and we all handle such things very differently - I think you have found strength even by talking about it and posting on this site.
Best wishes xxxxx


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi lyndalou and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic place full of advice and support and you have been left some great links to try out.

Good luck with everything

Kate xx​


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello Lyndalou, welcome to Fertilty Friends. 

I am very sorry to hear about your recent negative cycle.  Unfortunately, sometimes it's just plain crappy old dumb luck.  Even with such a high chance of success, which I know the LIster has with blast transfers, some people still have draw the short straw.  I know it doens't help to hear that or to know that at all right now and, as the others have said, you are perfecly normal to be feeling the way you do right now. The first negative does always hit harder and, yes, you do feel like you could never cope with it again but time is a great healer and the desire to become a parent is a huge incentive for many to go on. What you are going through right now is a form of grief and everyone takes their own time to go through that process so you must be kind to yourself right now and not be too angry with yourself for either the failure or for taking your own time to recover emotionally from the blow you have been dealt. 
The Lister do have a free counselling service that, perhaps, you could make use of to talk through your feelings before you decide on your next course of action.
The is also a dedicated Lister thread on here full of lovely wonderful supportive ladies who will guide you in your next steps: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=99946.120

I have to add that I am a Lister patient (or Listerine as we call ourselves  ) and I did, after more attempts than I bargained for, succeed with them and can't speak highly enough of the clinic. I do hope they can bring the same success to you too.

C~x


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## lyndalou (Jul 18, 2007)

Just wanted to say a very big thank you for all the kind words following my first post. Those kind words have really helped and after a week of tears and frustration feeling a lot stronger now. Made app for follow up consultation now that i know i wont cry on consultants smart suit. x


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi Lyndalou,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.  Sorry to hear that you got a negative result on your last tx.

Emma
x x x x


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

lyndalou said:


> Just wanted to say a very big thank you for all the kind words following my first post. Those kind words have really helped and after a week of tears and frustration feeling a lot stronger now. Made app for follow up consultation now that i know i wont cry on consultants smart suit. x


Lyndalou, I am glad to hear that you have been brought some comfort from our words. That is what makes this site such a fab place to be part of. I honestly don't think I could have got through the last 5 years without it.
Don't be afraid to show your feelings; all the Lister cons are lovely and I know they would be very supportive of you. They used to have to order in industrial sized boxes of tissues whenever I booked in for a consultation. 
Do you mind me asking who it is you are seeing there?

C~x


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## lyndalou (Jul 18, 2007)

Hi caz

Thanks for your reply.  
First app saw Tunde. He was not available for next app so had Dr Thum.
Both were ok. Would you recommend anyone diff. Want to make sure we see the best and then stick with them if poss.  x


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Dr Tunde did one of my embryo transfers. He's lovely! Dr Thum was my main consultant and I think he's fab. He is the one who deals mostly with immune issues. I'd recomend any of them to be honest; I don't think there' really a bad cons in the whole place. I would say stick with one if you can but, if things turn up in the future that suit the specialities of one of the other cons, don't be afraid to ask to change to them. Hopefully it won't be an issue as you'll get a BFP next time. 

C~x


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