# I'm new and a bit lonely!!!



## pinkpaula (Mar 23, 2005)

Hi everyone reading this.
I have been reading the messages on here myself, and everyone seems so nice that I really wanted to be a part of this. I haven't ever spoken to anyone else other than my hubby before. And sometimes it is really hard to keep a smile on your face when all you want to do is cry, sometimes for no apparent reason. Poor man is a bit bewildered sometimes!!
I should tell you a bit about me and my life at the moment. I am 29 and have high FSH levels, anything up to 18. I am told this is pre menopausal, (which is a worry). My hubby has a low sperm count and we are waiting to find the right month with a low FSH level, to start a cycle of ICSI. We are having treatment in Hammersmith but live in Bournemouth, so lots of travelling at the moment. 
We have the most beautiful little girl, Jazmine, who is 20 months old now. She was conceived naturally, but after 4 years of tests, tests and more tests, clomid cycles and endless waiting for IVF treatment. Then what do you know?...at the last minute we found out I was pregnant. She was delivered prematurely,(6 weeks), as an emergency with an irregular heart beat and every day I thank my lucky stars that she is here to light my life.
I am absolutely desperate for a second child. I never intended for Jazmine to be an only child and although I know I shouldn't be greedy - I am. And I love being a mummy so, so, so much.
It is so nice to see that I am not the only person to feel this way. I truly thought I was. I have never felt able to really say how I feel to other people. They say I am lucky to have one child. I am, but it doesn't flick a switch that stops the feeling of wanting children. I have no real family as my parents have both died, my dad only days before Jazmine was born. I think that makes my feelings more intense somehow. 
I am sorry to have waffled so much. I think I've ended up writing an essay rather than a quick note. But it is such a relief to feel that I can finally be honest without people frowning at me. PHEW!!!! got it off my chest, for now anyway. 
Thanks for listening.


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## mancgal_644 (Oct 18, 2004)

hi there first of all welcome to ff and congrats on your daughter dont ever feel greedy wanting more children we are only human just cause we have a child/children does not make us greedy we are just wanting the same as everybody else i have alittle boy who is 6 and he keeps me going everyday and im soooooo thankful for him but the urge for another never goes away its natural i know i aint written much but hope this helps 

Kerry xxx


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## Fidget (Jan 27, 2005)

Hi Pink Paula,

You are certainly not alone hunni   you only have to look at my details below that I have been blessed and feel probably the most greedy person on this site   having said that I have been trying to have another child for over 9 years and although I truly want another child and know I can give that child everything, I sometimes wonder if the fact I cant have it, is whats pushing me on for another  . At the end of the day you cant turn of your internal clock and if you have maternal instincts you will always want another child no matter how many you have!!

I only want one more and why cant I have it    I do get fed up with people telling me I should be thankful I have experienced childbirth and children ( I am ) and forget having another... you cant just forget!! I also have a lot of friends who are having problems ttc and while they can understand the feelings I have about what the drugs do to you when having tx etc... they feel they deserve it more than I do as I have already had.. ( I dont mean to upset anyone who hasnt had children yet.. not everyone is like that  ) 

You can always talk on here PP and rant and rave away.... I guess its what we are here for, each other  



Debs
xx

I really am sorry if I have upset anyone by my comments


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## pinkpaula (Mar 23, 2005)

Thank you both so much for your kind words. I hope that this will a place I can be a part of and maybe make new friends.


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## RSMUM (Sep 3, 2003)

Just wanted to add my Hello to you - and you are very,very welcome to join us.You will find a great bunch of women on this thread - always there to listen to you rant and rave and share in your hopes and dreams and, hopefully success. I am addicted to this site and it's kept me going at times when I've felt so, so alone. I've also actually met 4 women off this site, two of whom live very close to me and have become close friends.

WELCOME!..and I hope we can be of some help - you are NOT alone!

All the best,

Deb ( Rsmum )


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## lucas (Mar 15, 2004)

hi there, just want to welcome you to f. friends.  I know exactly how you feel. I hope your not on this awful rollercoaster for too long.  I live fairly close to you in yeovil. Bournmouth is a lovely place (shops are great)    Good luck from Holly


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## JO70 (Mar 22, 2005)

Hi  

I like you have found this site great and a real comfort.  I am currently in my 2ww after my third attempt at ICSI so feeliing pretty nervous now as you can imagine.  Hope I am not being to nosy, but was wondering why you chose to go to Hammersmith over Bournemouth.  Its just that I live in Bournemouth and have had my treatments here but have been wodering if not successfuly this time. I should look at other hospitals too. 

Good luck and here's hoping you get a little playmate for Jazmine.


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## pinkpaula (Mar 23, 2005)

To be honest the main reason that we chose not to have treatment in Bournemouthwas because it was one of the more expensive areas to have private treatment. We looked through a HFEA booklet and phoned loads of hospitals for information and prices. The name Professor Lord Winston held a lot of weight but also there was no waiting time for appointments. When we had an initial consultation the man we saw was so nice that both hubby and I felt comfortable enough to make the commitment to travel. We are awaiting a good FSH level in order to start our first ICSI cycle. 

Where abouts do you live?, I have searched this site for people in Bournemouth but found none. It would be nice to hear how you get on with your treatments.

Good luck


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## Heather18 (Oct 27, 2004)

Dear PP, 

Welcome .... looks like you have found some folks close to home.  Your feelings are only natural.  I have an 18 and 16 year old ( snap eh fidget ! ) .  Now have a new hubby and we would dearly love a baby to add to our ready made family.  People are quick to tell me its worse for DH as he doesnt have children .... actually even DH said it ( SMACK !!!!) however he was upset at our BFN  ICSI ... so ive forgiven him.  Also quick to say I should be grateful and yes I am .... 
Anyway I've waffled long enough youre not alone rant away ....  

Fingers crossed for you 
Heather x


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## Fidget (Jan 27, 2005)

Hey Heather, 

what a coincidence, I am glad I am not the only one, I still struggle everyday with 'why has this happened now? why did I fall before without really trying?' I guess God/Mother nature works in mysterious ways eh! and I would never have got to meet the wonderful people of FF if I hadnt had a problem so every cloud really does have a silver lining!

Debs
xx


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## JO70 (Mar 22, 2005)

Hi PP,

That's interesting to know.  Must admit I didn't really look at any other hospitals so never really thought there might be cheaper ones out there.  I imagined they would all be roughly the same.  Will definitely do a bit more research if there is a next time.  As we could definitely do with saving if we need it again. Fingers crossed that I wont.  

I only have a 4 days left until the PT so getting very anxious now.  Like everyone on here I am constantly analyzing every twinge or sign.  Its so hard not too.  But you really don't know until you test.  So trying my best to keep positive and busy until then.

I haven't seen anyone else no here from Bournemouth either so was great to see another local!  I live in Southbourne.  How about you? 

Will undate after my test on Monday.

Jo


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## LouKIZ (Jan 11, 2005)

Hello Pink Paula

Welcome to FF. Your definitely in the right place, everyone here is so supportive and we know what your going through.

It is very annoying when people say you should be glad you have one child. In my experience these have been people who have at least 2 children conceived without any difficulty. How do they know what it's like? My son is 9 and i never wanted him to be an only child. We have been very blessed that the IVF worked for us and my son is over the moon.

It is worth travelling to get the best treatment. We had a 3 hour round trip to the clinic we chose as our odds were better with them.

Jo70, wishing you lots of goodluck for Monday. I really hope this is the one!


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## LouKIZ (Jan 11, 2005)

sorry, forgot to sign off!

Take care
Louise xxx


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