# Feel like a failure



## Dancer1482 (Oct 18, 2012)

I don't know what else to do but post on here, I feel a failure total failure four years ago I began going for test for pcos I was told to have baby would need fertility treatment. The problem was cost as I would need buy donor etc too finally march this year I paid for it all and donor selected etc problem is I needed loose two stone I lost 1 stone 1 lb but now my mum who is usually my rock is constantly snapping I can't want it bad enough that hurts. I think she sees it as her chance to be proper grandmother she currently is but don't see them a lot she keeps saying stop building hopes up etc. last night had big row now not speaking I'm constantly in years today I want a baby more than anything but maybe it's a sign its not meant to be I don't know totally fed up aww I have no friends either


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

oh Dncer its so hard isn't it. 
My DH needed to llose weight for us to be accepted for NHS treatment - but he's built like a rock and will no way meet the criteria. - 
I feel like a failure a lot of the time, and i'm angry.. so much more angry than i ever have been before
I'm sure your mum is trying to motivate you - although in a strange way. i'm sorry i can't offer any better advice but do talk with her, you need a rock in times like this. xxxx


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## Daydreamer88 (Dec 19, 2012)

Hi Dancer,

I am sorry you are struggling with all this  

I agree with elli, maybe your mum is trying to motivate you. It is a strange way to do it but it does work for some people. My DH says similar things to me as he knows it will get me up and motivate me to do something. If you don't find this helpful, maybe explain this to your mum and tell her you would prefer she tries to motivate you in other ways that don't upset you so much

xxx


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

its funny my mum - who is also my rock and i love dearly - tells me about everyone who is pregnant.. and i mean everyone 
i get the 'you'll never guess who's preg now'.... all the time. its like the more she talks about it the more likely i am to become fertile!!! 
i guess she's struggling and grieving in her own way as well and that's how she copes.. 
do talk to your mum and explain what may be more helpful for you... 
xxx


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## Littlecat (Aug 5, 2011)

Losing 1 stone 1 lb is a huge achievement, especially with PCOS. 

I know that I need to lose weight - I'm just on the border of the criteria (my bmi is 30) & I know that the more weight I lose the more chance IVF has of working. I also know that I probably only have one chance (I keep developing endo cysts in my ovaries, have already lost the left one and they reckon this is the last time they can save the right one) so you'd think I'd be motivated. And I AM. But it's so hard, to keep motivated when I'm worried and (like Elli) angry, so I lost a stone and then have probably put half of that back on. You're not a failure, you're just dealing with a very difficult situation. 

My normally brilliant mum has had her moments too. When I first found out I'd have to have IVF, she wanted me to adopt instead and googled & read autopsy reports of women who'd died from OHSS. Fortunately, I happened to be chatting to a friend online at the time and they kept me calm. Since then, my mum has been totally supportive.


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## Mooncat (Oct 26, 2012)

You're absolutely not a failure - you're doing your best in the hardest of circumstances. I've struggled with horrible feelings of failure and inadequancy throughout the last few years, but I try to reason with myself. If people have other health problems, they don't consider themselves a failure at all. And that's what IF is, it's a health problem that affects our lives in a horrible way.  

You've done an amazing job to get through the consultations, find a way forward, get together the money... you will lose the weight, but losing weight is hard in any circumstances, let alone when you have all this to deal with. I know it's easier said than done, but try to be easier on yourself. And like others have said, explain to your mum that her putting pressure on isn't motivating, it only makes you feel worse.

Good luck with everything, I hope you get your happy ending soon xxx


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## Mrst83 (Apr 11, 2013)

The easiest thing for me has been not to tell mine, she's had a pretty rough time of late but I didn't feel like I needed to put it on or worry anyone else. It's not like we're not close as we are but there's only so much sympathy I can take. My best friend know and my DH is a legend and puts up with everything I throw at him but I don't want sympathy. Least know the better and hope we can share what's really took to get our miracle baby when we hopefully get there!


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Dancer,

Your post really upset me.  Firstly, you say you have no friends and secondly what your Mum has said.

This is about you and a baby and not her getting to be a Grand mother.  I don't know your type of relationship you have with her, but I would tell her to back of.

You need support.  This journey is so hard.  I have had to loose weight for both my cycle's and it was so flipping hard.  It took me about 8 months to lose a stone and a half.  I wanted a baby more then anything, but found drinking and comfort eating hard to give up.

Please don't let this upset or set back stop you from fulfilling your dreams.

Good luck.

X


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## Nordickat (Feb 6, 2009)

I don't have any words of wisdom for you but I wanted to come and give you a huge pat on the back. You've lost over a stone  That's flipping brilliant and well done you. The rest will come off too, just keep at it and you'll get there. And never forget why you are doing this. You are going through this because you want to be a mum, its for you and not anyone else. Do what makes you happy and not what makes others happy. 

Congrats again  Losing over a stone with PCOS is a big achievement, how can you ever be a failure when you have come so far already xxx

Katxxx

PS. Use this site to make friends. Check and see if there is a local group that meets up.


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