# Single and not knowing where to start.......



## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Hi there,

Im a newbie single girl........by not even a week. Ive been TTC for 5 years and after having my bloods, Thyroids, Smear, Rubella tests done at my doctors over the last 5 months, I now have my first specialists appointment this week. Ex has decided this is all too much and left me to get on with it alone.    Im now a little unsure what to say at the dotors now as Ive read so many different things, that single gals dont get treatment on the NHS. Will I still get my further tests done if I say Im single or should I just stay quiet for the moment....... I guess I still have hope that he will change his mind. If I go down the DI route, where do I start?  Wish I found this site soooo much sooner x


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## DZWSingleMumma (Nov 18, 2010)

WELCOME HOME!!! 
This board saved my bacon when I was diagnosed with low AMH last year.  I am now 2.5 weeks pregnant after my first donor stimulated IUI.  You can go it alone.  There are so many women who have experience with Immune issues and other issues on here.  

Just sit down and ask anything you like. 
OK I looked at the NHS but it was not an option for me at all.  Most PCT's are withdrawing support for any fertility treatment for couples and most don't treat singles anyway.  I also had a BMI of 36 and the cut off in the UK in most places is 29 and some select places 35.    We can help you on keeping the cost down (I used a clinic overseas which was MUCH easier and 10X cheaper than the UK).  In the UK you can say you are single if you go overseas some places you may want to keep quiet.    

On using a donor depends on which way you want to go.  Some ladies use anonymous sperm donors(abroad), others known donors, others open ID donors(UK is all open ID) 
Some use sperm banks in the UK others abroad.  I imported OPEN ID sperm from Denmark to my clinic abroad.  It was more expensive than anonymous local sperm but I wanted my children to have the opportunity of being able to contact their biological father at 18.  

We are here to support you.

Walking with you,

Dawn


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Dawn,

Ive just got back from my appointment and it was one of the most stressful things Ive had to face. I thought I was going to see one consultant but was seen by another, who I found a little hard to understand. I carried on as though I was still with a partner....its only been 5 days since split   as Ive read on here that they may not do my tests otherwise and it was hard enough without getting upset over the lack of suport from my selfish ex. (sorry rant over) I have to have several results missing from my bloods so have to go back to Dr's......just so frustrating when Ive had my bloods done 3 times as surgery /lab messed them up over the last 5 months. Due to get my period yesterday but the stress is delaying it....Ive taken a PT. So this should be done in the next few days. Also have to phone up to book in a HSG. So at least Im having all the important tests done. 

I would be greatful if you gave me any info on SD as this is definatley my hope now. It does seem expensive in the UK and if I find out more info on going abroad then it may not seem so scarey............

I hope all is well with you


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## Lou-Ann (Apr 20, 2008)

Hi small-miracle and welcome the board. Sorry to hear about your ex and that your appt wasn't with the consultant that you expected it to be. I hope that you get all your tests sorted and can get going with tx soon. I can't comment on having tx abroad as I am having tx in the uk. Good luck with your journey   

Lou-Ann x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

small miracle I would tell your GP and be honest but say that your DP has left and you want to be a single mother adn go alone, some GP's will still do tests, if not you will be expected to take your ex with you, he will be expected to produce sperm etc.

As the other girls have said it is possible to go it alone!

Good Luck


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Hi Lou-Ann, thank you for the welcome   Im sooo open to any advice and it would be great if I had several options. Please tell me more about your tx in the UK x

JJ1 - thank you for advice. I had my appointment today and am now booked in for a few tests. So in the mean time Im just going to find out more info on DI. Hope all is well.


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Hi Small Miracle - sorry to hear about your recent split, that's hard. I hope you are doing ok, maybe there is still a chance that things can be worked out?


Anyway, you'll get loads of advice from here - some people on here know more than consultants I think sometimes   . It's good to post on the different threads such as the IUI or IVF thread so that you can ask specific questions and those going through that treatment will probably see them and respond. Its all a bit overwhelming at the beginning...check out the IUI thread if thats something you are hoping to start with.


I have been lucky in the that NHS did most of my tests and even prescribed some of my IVF drugs when needed, but it is a bit hit and miss.


It can be a tough journey but there are many amazing women on here who demonstrate just how possible it is and what a fantastic job they do as mums.


xx


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Thank you lulumead, if you could message me with more info on what your treatment has been, that would be great x


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## DZWSingleMumma (Nov 18, 2010)

Small Miracle,

Have a read of my thread... http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=251014.0 that will tell you about my journey with donors etc and is a far better testament than can be shared in one thread.

OK first of all *HUG*  I am so sorry about your breakup. When I chose to go it alone it was because I was diagnosed with low fertility. I thought I would be in a relationship. I didn't think I would be 36 and going it alone. Since that decision, taken in October last year, my life has been a series of ups and downs.

The beginning appointments can be harrowing.

OK on sperm donors there is an amazing wealth of knowledge on here but my suggestion is to read this: http://www.therainbowbabies.com/SpermOptions.html. Though it's written from the gay family point of view it's amazing information for the straight singlies as well.

There is so much information on this forum and some amazing books you can read: Choosing Single Motherhood, Single by chance Mothers by choice, Helping the Stork are all in my library. I suggest picking some of them up and reading them. Then use the board to supplement your knowledge. The main thing is that you are educated about the process.

Ask any question you like and as suggested get on a few threads and read through what others are doing.

Good luck,

Dawn

/links


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## hatgirl (Jan 7, 2011)

Hello Small Miracle,

I made the decision to go it alone early last year. I told my family first, as I wanted their support, and they were all great. My mum has been with me through it all, and it was lovely not to have to go for all the appointments, scans, tx, by myself. I decided that I didn't want to be made to feel "different" at my GP's, so I'd go straight to a fertility clinic. I'm lucky that there is one close to my home and work, which has been a great help. The first consult was very scarey, as I had no idea what to expect. The consultant was lovely, and said from the outset that my being single was absolutely no problem. From there it has all been fine. I chose a donor from the clinic's sperm bank, and have had 3 x failed IUI's, and one failed IVF. There's nothing wrong, so it's just down to luck I think - hopefully it'll work next time! I hope so, as I'm out of money after this next tx!!
I'd say the worst thing was going to ask for the Clomidia/rubella/Hep/smear tests at the GP - they made me feel I had to justify myself, and that it was all a bit weird. I don't think I'll go back to them if I can avoid it.
Good luck with your journey. I think it's very hard, once you've made the decision to go for it, that everything seems to take so long! Also, I was naive enough to expect it would work first time, which it obviously didn't, although it might for you! I'm racking up quite a lot of money spent now, but, having saved for it initially, I can honestly say that the thought of all that "wasted" money hardly ever crosses my mind. The important thing is being a Mummy, and paying for it is just what you have to do if you're alone, like paying the mortgage!!


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Wow DawnCWUK you are definatly an inspiration to a lot of ladies on here and your journey has made me actually cry but in a positive way.        Im sooooo overwhelmed by everything at the moment. I think i need to start writing down a step by step plan and also learn the abbreviations and acronyms to start with as Im totally new to all this.....its a little scary lol 

The storeys on here from many are so personal and I really feel comforted that it can be a place to totally open up and ask questions if needed. I feel like Ive been caged over the last few years as have had so many chances to get pregnant but just haven't.........Ive cried myself to sleep so many times wondering why. But now I feel Ive started this journey and hope that my dreams come true like soooooo many on here    

Ive recently been made redundant soo this is my total focus at the moment and I just need to relax. 

I just hope my luck now changes x


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## DZWSingleMumma (Nov 18, 2010)

Acronyms here: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=190482.0

Be gentle on you.

Dawn


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Hi there,

Does anyone know if Salisbury treat single ladies? And if they allow imported sperm?


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

wessex def does as some of the single ladies had treatment there.

L x


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Have found out that Southampton do treat single ladies and the cost for IUI is just as cheap as going overseas or having sperm imported. Have had my final blood tests done at GP's and have my HSG booked in for this week.........so a little worried but i just hope its good news  

its a little lonely facing this alone and only my mum knowing but its my only option


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Great news Small-miracle, its scary when you 1st start. I cried when I had my 1st IUI as was all too overwhelming but a supportive mum is a good start and we are all here to share each step.  


Hope HSG is ok next week.
xx


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

thank you lulumead....... every time i felt a bit lost in this i read some of the treads on here to try to stay positive. I guess this site maybe my partner now lol to help me through each step. 

If there are any ladies local to Marlborough that would like to meet for a coffee sometime, it would be great


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

It can be a pretty tough journey but it will be worth it   
Not sure if you have read any books but there are couple about choosing to be a single mum which are good and have a good section on letting go of the ideal scenario that most of us probably had in our heads...i.e. nice partner on hand!!
They are useful to read when starting out.


Well done for making the decision to go ahead.
xxx


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Its been a nightmare with the whole ex thing, Ive felt like Ive had a crazy obsession with trying to get pregnant and as soon as I face the fact I may need help......he does a runner and has no contact what so ever. It just feels so hard knowing Im going to be doing this without a supporting partner. Im still in that hard place just after a breakup but have to get on with finding out if theres something wrong  

What is the book called that your talking about....Im sure it would be a massive help.....thank you. 

x


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

I've read a couple but the one by Mikki Morrisette Choosing Single Motherhood, I think was the most useful.

Single Mothers by Choice by Jane Mattes is good too.

and this looks good....I might get this one to read Single by Chance Mothers by Choice: How Women are Choosing Parenthood without Marriage and Creating the New American Family by rosanna hertz

If you search on Amazon, there is a whole bunch of stuff...all quite american so not always relevant but a good place to start.

xx


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

sorry not sure why there are all those bits in brackets!
x


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

thats great thank you lulumead, Im going to order now   Can I ask also if you started a BBT chart when you first started?  I have regular AF every 25 days and sort of know when im meant to be fertile and when ovulation is. Do I need this info too when I go to the clinic?


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

You don't really need it for clinics, they don't seem to be interested, But I did it for a long time to get a real sense of my cycle.  You can use a site like fertilityfriend.com where you can create a chart online and it will start to show you patterns.  Anything which helps you know what's going on is good.  If you ovulate regularly then its worth starting with IUI.


xx

/links


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Do you have any advice about IUI, as you have gone through it and you seem to have gone through what I am now...... I hope you dont mind the questions but just nice to chat to someone very similar circumstances.

xx


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

of course no worries    Bizarrely I did IUI then IVF and then got pregnant twice on IUI, although miscarried the 1st.  Coco also switched back from IVF and was successful with IUI.


My advice would be start with natural IUI but make sure the clinic you choose scans you regularly to monitor size of follicles. Then I would use a HCG trigger before insemination.  My first natural IUI's were done just on me monitoring my ovulation at home and I have no idea really whether they were ever done on time.  Also I feel clinics are keen to push you onto IVF but its not always the answer and in the US its much more common to give IUI more attempts.  I would say its worth a couple of natural attempts, then a couple with clomid and then a couple with injectable FSH  - that gives a good attempt maybe 6/7 tries. If your tubes are ok and you ovulate then IUI can be very successful, plus its cheaper and less invasive.


I also imported my sperm as I felt more comfortable being able to choose the donor myself - but everyone is different on this score. It was more expensive but I am pleased I did it, also some clinics have a long waiting list for donor sperm in this country.


The whole process can feel very weird when you have imagined getting pregnant with a partner...everything from going to the clinic on your own, to doing a pregnancy test on your own. I have told all my family and friends and have lots of support and sometimes its quite nice that its just you....I suspect i share more with those people close to me than I would if I have a partner - definitely feels like the african saying of "it takes a village to raise a child!"


Its only natural to feel overwhelmed, upset, why me! at times, but its also a very brave thing to do and a decision I am sure you will not regret.  I decided that I couldn't imagine not being a mum and that if the right man didn't come along in time then I better get on with it.  I think a lot of us on here feel that maybe Mr Right might come along at some point in the future, and it takes away the stress of trying to find someone in time.


I never imagined it would take me so long to get pregnant, I have no known issues, and that can be hard when it feels like it is taking forever but I am lucky that it has finally happened, and I'm very grateful for that.


I'd recommend posting on the Singlies IUI thread if that's the path you take as you'll get lots of different advice and opinions which is always invaluable.  There have been many occasions when I feel like the ladies on here are more helpful than a consultant!


Feel free to send me a private message (PM) if you have any specific questions.


Its very exciting and terrifying all at the same time!!!


xx


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Hey lulumead, i sent you a PM. hope you got it.......im still trying to get used to this site.


xx


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Hi there,

Just had my HSG and managed to find out that my left side tube is blocked      I sort of expected it as only ever have pain on right side when i have AF. Just had a really good cry but at least I now know and move onto the next step......can anyone tell me what may happen next....... thank you by the way to this site as I have found so much information on here and have read so many posts which have let me know im not alone.


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## DZWSingleMumma (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Small Miracle,

Ok if only your left side is blocked that's great news.  Your right ovary is functional yes? The right ovary gets direct blood flow so  usually produces more eggs in a nomal cycle.  I almost never ovulate from the left side.  I had clomid and my ovaries produced only 5 eggs from my right ovary and I got pregnant on that cycle.

There are a few things you can do about a blocked tube you can get laproscopy to remove the blockage, You can move directly to IVF where they just go into the ovary direct from the vaginal wall, or in your case you just keep going with your one good tube  

Ok you need to start mapping your cycle.  You can use BBT or buy a fertility monitor.  I know it all seems overwhelming.  When I was desperate to get pregnant I wanted to know everything RIGHT now.  It comes in it's own time.  Reading the threads and using the search mechanism on here are great ways to start.  You are not alone.

Dawn


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Hi Dawn......

just started   again but with relief   ........as its not as bad as I thought.  Thank you for info   

I ordered a BBT and have been looking at the chart over the weekend, theres a lot of info I didnt realise I should of been charting.  But at least I do now and can make a start. I do feel a bit overwheled with everything but Im realising I need to know whats going on and how things work. I think a laproscopy will be the next step as feel I need to fix what is wrong but then again IVF may just be for the best......... so much to think about  

Thank you again


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## DZWSingleMumma (Nov 18, 2010)

You may be able to do IUI with your one functioning tube and not need to do either?  Are you speaking to a fertility specialist yet?  I saw a guy in london for my AMH test and asked him a lot of these questions which really helped me.  

I would not want you to undergo unnecessary surgery.

Dawn


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Hi Dawn,

ya Im seeing a specialist but have to wait til next week to make an appointment as hes on holiday....... shouldnt be allowed   Whats AMH for?

I think the next step maybe a lap and dye to have a look inside and maybe sort out blocked tube if possible but Im sort of thinking that maybe I should try one cycle of IUI with medication but if i fix whats broken then I may have a better chance so many decisions and its only the start


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## DZWSingleMumma (Nov 18, 2010)

*laugh* Yes you will find the fact that Doctor's are human beings is a concept that's difficult for people to understand in here...   Especially when it's related to something as important as having a baby.

AMH is a test related to fertility. http://www.advancedfertility.com/amh-fertility-test.htm I had it done just shy of my 36th birthday and that is what jet propelled me into this TTC journey.

I would suggest waiting and speaking to your consultant. With one ovary and tube working it's possible and probable you can concieve without resorting to more tests etc. I spent over £2k on tests and procedures and in hindsight almost wish I had saved that money and gone direct to medicated IUI.

Dawn

/links


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Hey DawnCWUK

its been a while........ I had a bit of time out to sort my head. But now back on board totally focused. After a follow up appointment at Salisbury and letting them know Im single, was told it would have to go to the board of consultants (didnt feel like waiting any longer so I asked for a referal) nevermind...... their loss!!!  But after an appointment today in Southampton am happy that Im there, it just feels so much better and right. Had my bloods taken for AMH so will have results next week. Have an appointment to see the councilor tomorrow, I guess its just the procedure then hopefully start treatment on next cycle. Its going to be medicated IUI, I just need to get my head around the process and what happens :0) Im just staying positive and looking forward to starting a new unknown journey.............

Sm x


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## Lou-Ann (Apr 20, 2008)

SM, well done on sorting out a clinic that you are happy with and having your first appt. Good luck for your journey   

Lou-Ann x


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Good luck with it all SM 

Xxx


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## DZWSingleMumma (Nov 18, 2010)

Good luck!  Keep reaching out for help.  There are so many great ladies on here who have been through this.  

Dawn


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## Minnie35 (Oct 28, 2009)

Hiya SM   !


Well done for getting to this positive stage - good luck with the journey and keep in touch!


Minnie x


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Hi Ladies,

I had my DI consultation this week and an appointment with the nurse to explain the medication..... I'm now waiting for the first day of my cycle....... can anyone give me any advice or guidance on what to do to help myself. I'm taking vitamins and I eat a healthy-ish diet. I don't smoke or drink. Also is the day of the IUI different with everyone? I normally have a short 25 day cycle so will this be taken into account? I'm going to have a gonal f pen at 450IU, ovitrelle and then the buserelin then 2 weeks of crinone gel.....is anyone else on the same or had the same?

Its all very scary but exciting at the same time...

Sm xx


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Hey ladies.


can anyone give me any advice or know where I can get more information?

thank you 

Sm xx


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## caramac (Mar 21, 2010)

Hi small-miracle

Your clinic should scan you at least once in the run up to ovulation to see how your follicles are getting on. Based on their size they will decide when to give you a trigger shot (to bring on ovulation) and you'll have IUI about 24 hours after that. I did three rounds of IUI using Clomid, a Pregnyl trigger shot and used progesterone pessaries for my third go, so different meds to you.

As for anything else you can do to help yourself, it sounds like you're doing pretty much what is within your control. Good luck!


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## small-miracle (Mar 14, 2011)

Hi Caramac

thank you for your reply. My meds arrived today and the feeling is so strange to know that its the start of hopefully a new begining........ I can rememeber reading on here something about a few step after having IUI but I cant find it, it was like a tips page that ladies had put together, do you know it?

Your little one looks a sweetie :0)

Sm xx


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## caramac (Mar 21, 2010)

Thank you - yes he is!

I'm not sure about the tips page...I can't remember seeing that. In all honesty I'm of the belief that there isn't much you can do to sway things...what will be will be when it comes to getting pregnant or not! I know that's not much help though so sorry!


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## some1 (May 13, 2006)

Small miracle - good luck with your treatment! I don't know where the tips page is either, but can point you in the direction of my IUI diary if that is any help (I did a few things (diet etc) to try to boost my chances - don't know if any of them made any difference though, but something worked  ). This is the link http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=243428.0

Some1

xx


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