# Is anybody there?



## Rooterpod (Jun 1, 2011)

Hi, 

Please ... If there is anybody there who has any information about egg freezing please get in touch ASAP. I am 4 days into injecting and the plan was to freeze embryos next week as I have breast cancer and I am delaying my treatment. My boyfriend has just told me he has changed his mind and I have no idea what to do... Are there any options?

I don't know where to turn. Please can anybody give me some advice.


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## VEC (May 29, 2007)

Rooterpod! FF is a lifeline for those seeking support, information and friendship whilst going through fertility issues. Fellow FF members are fantastic pressure valves when family, friends, doctors and partners often just don't "get" what you're going through. It has held my hand throughout treatment and I've made some great friends and gained a vast amount of knowledge, both of which are key factors in at least maintaining some level of sanity!

Oh hon, I am so sorry to hear of all you are going through. As if dealing with breast cancer weren't enough, you are having to deal with a doubting boyfriend.     I don't know about egg freezing, but I shall post a link below which should put you in contact with others that will know - I'd suggest starting having a read through the threads, and starting a new topic, as I think that is the most likely area where you'll find someone with experience that will help your particular query. As for your boyfriend, I presume your clinic has a counsellor - would your boyfriend be prepared to go and visit the counsellor to talk through the reasons for his change of heart - it may well help him to talk it through with someone, and it may turn out to be a temporary wobble. Treatment is hard on each of the couple - harder on you in my opinion without doubt, but some counselling may well help you both to sort out what's going to happen to the eggs you will have collected in the near future. Big hugs, hon.      

Have a look around the site, post wherever you like, and make yourself at home. Whatever your circumstances, there will be someone who is going through a similar situation and who can offer support and information.

I've added some links which you may find helpful:

*Fertility through Cancer ~ *CLICK HERE

*What Every New Member Needs to Know*CLICK HERE

Come back and let me know how things are, and I'll post some more links which may be of use to you through your treatment cycle. For now, I've only posted the couple above, because you are clearly seeking an urgent response.

Post here with any more questions, or on any other part of the site - there will be lovely people ready to offer friendship, hugs and support to keep you going through the ups and downs and you'll quickly feel at home.

Good luck, I hope things resolve themselves with your boyfriend, and most importantly, good luck with your breast cancer treatment      

Martha X


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

Rooter I'm so sorry to hear of what you are going through     

As Vec says if things weren't hard enough for you already.

I don't really know anything about this either but had I learned earlier what I know now about my fertility challenges I would have considered having some eggs frozen years ago but it just wasn't something that even entered my head as you never know what's round the corner.

I think the counselling suggestion is a good idea but I think,whatever you eventually decide to do, you have to think of yourself right now.  If I were in your situation I would definitely go ahead with freezing my eggs regardless of the relationship situation as the treatment you need for your cancer isn't going to change and the impact that will have for the future.  I would just start ringing clinics tomorrow and ask about their egg freezing procedures rather than embryo freezing, or inquire with the clinic you are currently using?  You can't know how things will turn out with you and your boyfriend, and it may well be it's just last minute nerves and everything turns out fine, but for now you need to ensure you have healthy eggs safely put by for your future fertility options regardless of who that is with, or like me, with no one.

I wish you all the best, and please let us know how you get on.

  

GGx


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## Rooterpod (Jun 1, 2011)

Martha.. Thank you so much for responding.

I have been searching the site all evening and am just trying to focus all on seeking a glint of light so that whatever happens I will be able to live with knowing that I tried my best.

Knowing that someone has got back to me just means so much.

I feel so very alone here tonight.

Your words are so kind. Thank you.

I know how hard this must be for him... I can understand that. It's all too soon, too quick... He says he doesn't know if he wants to be a father...

We are not the greatest communicators...he said he felt coerced into things, now the forms are all signed, funding was given and I've started all the drugs. I know that doing this is risky as my cancer is hormone receptive, yet I had 1 shot at it. I'm doing double doses.

I am racing with emotion and just don't know the way forward. It feels like everything is out of my control and if I can just find the facts I can make decisions I can live with.

I will look where you suggested and if you think of anything else please do let me know.

Thank you again for replying.


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## Rooterpod (Jun 1, 2011)

GG,

Thank you for your words. 

I know that I am all the over the place at the moment and it's hard to think straight.

I know that my clinic does not freeze eggs alone. I will try and find out where they do. Worried about telling the clinic just in case a miracle happens... Although that's what it would have to be after all that has been said...

You are right. I need to wake up and think of myself. I only had a 19% chance anyway...it was know ing that I had tried my best and that he was with me on that which was keeping me going. I just need to continue to try so that whatever will be I can be at peace with.

Think it's going to be a long night.... Lots to research.

Thank you for the advice and support. Hard to put into words how much it means. Thank you.


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## VEC (May 29, 2007)

Hi honey

I think GG's response is really helpful, in fact, when she says to think of yourself and to put the issues with your partner to one side for a moment.  I'd follow her advice about speaking to your clinic ASAP, because at The least they might help with finding a clinic that does freeze egs, and so you will know that your eggs will be frozen AND that any future use of them will be within your control, rather than something that your boyfriend might have a say in.  

I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel, but I'm sure there will be a solution to your egg freezing issue, leaving you the space and energy to concentrate on recovering from your breast cancer.

I'll be back if I hear of anything that might help.  Will you let us know how you get on with discussing this with your clinic?


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## VEC (May 29, 2007)

Hi again

I've just googled and it seems that the Lister, Care Fertility and the Bridge Fertility Centre all do egg freezing.  Not sure where you're based, the first and last of those clinics are in London, whereas Care, I think have a number of clinics.  will those do for starters?  

Get some sleep soon, so you're ready for action in the morning.  
Mx


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

Hi love

I was going to say i can imagine what you're going through but i can't having not been in your situation but i know what it's like to feel completely desperate and totally lost   

I'm not in any way trying to negate how devastating it must be to have heard that from your boyfriend tonight but i just know that you have to do whatever YOU need to do, right now, to safeguard your future possibilities and not have regrets as you can't 'fix' the boyfriend situation right away. 

It may well be everything gets sorted with your boyfriend but, and i really don't want to be the harbinger of doom, what if he were to change his mind back, say he'll go along with embryo freezing next week and then have a wobble down the line and withdraw his consent? If they were your only eggs that had been harvested and frozen it would be even more devastating as he will have taken away your future options. 

I think, considering his current wobble, you need to have your eggs frozen regardless.  Even if you do have some embryos frozen, have some of your own eggs frozen as well.  There have been very high profile cases of men withdrawing consent when relationships have broken down etc. so please don't put yourself in that situation, where he could have control over things years down the line when you may no longer be together.  In some ways it could be a blessing that he is having a wobble now so that you can plan for it/around it rather than him having a wobble when it's too late for you to change things. 

I hope what i'm saying doesn't sound harsh but your situation is urgent and you need to make incredibly tough decisions so it wouldn't do any good to be wishy washy right now.  

As VEC says try and get some sleep and start again with a bit of a clearer head in the morning. I'm sure then there will also be more people around to offer advice on where you can go/what to do etc.  Whereabouts are you based?

GGxx


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## Rooterpod (Jun 1, 2011)

Again, thank you ladies... You are angels

Will get on to them all in the morning. I've been worrying about telling my clinic in case they tell me to stop injecting and taking all the drugs. Guess I just need to step up, tell them and get on with trying to find a solution.

You have both given me such strength. I guess the maternal instinct is stronger than I had ever given thought to. I need to try and do this alone. If there's a chance out there I shall take it. 

Feeling so disempowered. Getting info and then getting started in the morning has got to be a positive step. 

Means so much to know you are there. 

Night night x


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

it may well be that the drugs you are taking are the same for either situation as all they'll be doing will be helping to boost and mature your eggs so I would be hesitant to stop taking them even if your clinic say so as it may be that another clinic that does egg freezing might want you on them and with your cancer tx being so important too, it may be best to try and push for doing all this this cycle i.e. next week as planned, rather than having to wait another month.  

I hope you sleep well.  Things must seem incredibly tough right now but you will find a way through, somehow from somewhere deep down we find some strength to get through these horrible, desperate, trying situations and come out the other side.

Night, night   

GGx


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## VEC (May 29, 2007)

Any news, hon?


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## Rooterpod (Jun 1, 2011)

Everyone has  so supportive. Thank you.

It loos like I may still have a chance to try and do something to protect myself...

I have explained to the clinic and they may be able to point me to the options of egg freezing or donor sperm. They have asked me to think carefully and I know that I must try and focus know to find out as much as I can so that I can do the right thing.

Never expected any of this. This site is a lifegiver. The strength and love I have read over these pages,  the sharing conversations between random strangers has given me a sense of peace in a storm. 
My head is all over the place and being able to dive into the wealth of information on this site is just what the doctor ordered. Literally!
I will see the clinic tomorrow. Fingers crossed things can go ahead as planned next week. I think that I will try and get my eggs frozen. I know the percentage of chance will go down even further, yet somehow that feels more right. When I try and think of donor sperm my heart just jumps and I can't think straight! Still very much in love and confused. It really is one day at a time!

Know so clearly now just how important it is to try and do this.  The nurse I spoke to was just amazing. "keep calm and carry on" . Totally non judgemental. 

Thank you for being there.. X


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## VEC (May 29, 2007)

Oh so pleased taht you've been given some options and some hope.  Good luck for your appointment tomorrow and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that egg collection will go ahead next week.  No reason why it shouldn't.  xx


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

So glad to hear that Rooter.  Knowing that there is something you can do to keep your future options safe is fantastic.  I bet your head is all over the place, i'm not bloody surprised, what a couple of truly difficult days. It sounds like egg freezing may be a good idea rather than jumping into something you're not ready to make a decision about right now. Would there be a possibility of doing 2 month's worth of egg freezing, obviously not if it might jeopardise your cancer treatment? But perhaps to give you more peace of mind that your percentage chances are higher?  Glad the nurse was nice, it makes such a difference to speak to someone sympathetic and understanding.

Yep, as you say, one day at a time.  Sometimes it's all we can do.  Another phrase i try and remind myself of when i'm struggling is 'moment by moment is bearable' 

All the best tomorrow.  Let us know how you get on.

GGx


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

Hi love, how did things go with the clinic today?

GGxx


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## Rooterpod (Jun 1, 2011)

Hi...

Just back from the clinic again and they are just bloody marvellous.

I have had a scan and it looks like there are follicles doing what they should. I have to go back on Monday and have another scan and then the plan is to harvest and freeze on Wednesday morning.

Find out about the chemotherapy schedule on Monday too. Amazing. In one part of the hospital I am old and in the other they tell me I am young!

Feeling rather weird and struggling to eat. The fabulous nurse said that is ok and just to keep fluids in and to try and relax and watch the tennis. going to do what I'm told!

Moment by moment... So very true.

X


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

that's great news!! so, you can have it all done at the clinic you were at already? that's fantastic. 

i bet you're struggling to eat, you're dealing with so much.  as the nurse said don't worry about that, just do what you can, rest and drink etc

what's the latest with your boyfriend, any developments on that score?

GGx


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

Rooter how you doing?  Are you at the clinic tomorrow for egg collection??

Hope you're doing ok.   

GGx


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## Rooterpod (Jun 1, 2011)

Hi GG,

Had my op yesterday. Had to go to another clinic and everyone there was lovely and so very kind. Feeling a bit tender and it's a bit like having a goldfish bowl for a belly...waddling like a duck!

I am so proud of my body. It must have known that it only had one shot at this and has given me eggs for the freezer. Means so much to know that they are there and when I beat this damn cancer there is a chance... 

Chemo starts next week. Bring it on... 

Thank you for being there.xxxx


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

Oh that's fantastic news      I'm so glad you got some eggs for the freezer and have some options for the future.

Hope you recover well and quickly from the op and have all the strength you need to beat that damn cancer    

You sound a lot more positive and hopeful which is great to hear.

Keep us posted on how you are getting on.

GGx


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## VEC (May 29, 2007)

Oh Rooter, that is wonderful news, I am so pleased for you.  And congratulations on being so brave and practical and getting it sorted.  And very very best of luck with the chemo, hon. xxx


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

Oh also, have you considered acupuncture while you're having your chemo?  My mum had it when she had chemo and the nurses on the ward couldn't believe that she was the only one with no awful side effects and symptoms like sickness and nausea.

GGx


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## greatgazza (May 27, 2010)

Hey rooter how are you?

How are you getting on with the chemo so far?  I hope it's not making you too ill      have you had a think about acupuncture at all?

GGxx


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