# No idea if DE are right for us as we can only afford one more cycle - any advice



## Supercalifragilistic (May 20, 2012)

We've just had a miscarriage after a BFP on our second IVF cycle using my own eggs. There is nothing wrong with my husband's sperm but it seems that due to age, my own eggs are going to be hit-and-miss. We had a natural pregnancy in 2011 but I miscarried then, too.

We have used all our savings in these two cycles and have agreed to do one more (which will put us into debt). Emotionally, I would be ready to grieve my own eggs and move on; my husband is still a little unsure - but my main concern is that I have absolutely no idea what clinic I should use, whether donor eggs are going to genuinely increase our chances by enough to go for it - and was hoping people here could share some top tips on how to find this stuff out. There seems to just be an overwhelming amount of information on this board and googling donor egg programmes you obviously just get the advertising so a bit tough to know who to trust.

We are obviously going to have a follow-up consultation at the UK clinic we've been treated by these last two cycles. Apparently they have a donor egg program which currently has an 8-month waiting list. But they won't recommend anyone other than themselves, obviously. 

One thing that has been bugging me about the foreign clinic recommendations is the travel and hotel costs: by the time you pay for your flights, travel, insurance, food when away - doesn't it end up costing just as much as it would do in the UK? (I have additional consideration in that I'm freelance and don't get paid holiday from work so if I take time out to go abroad, I don't work).

I would really appreciate some top tips on where to get started with this.


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi there,
 so sorry to hear about your recent miscarriage
re. DE, this thread might help: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=256679.0
one thing I would say is that miscarriage can be down to eggs, but it can also be down to environment - and if this is the case for you, then donor eggs won't make any difference at all
hence it may be worth getting some basic immune testing done to see if this could be causing the miscarriages. especially if you only have one shot at DE. read more on immunes here:
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=242395.0
I personally found that treatment in CZ represented a good saving even with travel and hotels - tx itself was approx half the price of the UK and I certainly didn't spend the remaining half on flights/hotel etc - you can fly Ryanair and find a cheap B&B and food is not expensive there. It probably depends on where you go abroad but for me personally it was definitely cheaper than the UK
Big difference is that donors are ID release in the UK and not elsewhere so if this is important to you, you need to take it into consideration first of all
Not sure where you are now but pretty sure CARE have short/no waiting lists at the moment. CRM (London) also seem to match quite quickly
Best of luck,
Suitcase
x


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## Supercalifragilistic (May 20, 2012)

suitcase of dreams said:


> Hi there,
> so sorry to hear about your recent miscarriage
> re. DE, this thread might help: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=256679.0
> one thing I would say is that miscarriage can be down to eggs, but it can also be down to environment - and if this is the case for you, then donor eggs won't make any difference at all
> ...


Thank you, that's really helpful! 

Husband and I were talking about the possibility of something other than the eggs going on - we're still a bit baffled at how a top grade 5AA blastocyst could suddenly then start dividing abnormally and abort itself. I guess that can happen but it does seem a bit strange to us normal, non-medically trained schmoes.

I am not sure how I would get checked for other issues so I think the best thing is to ask at the consultant appointment on the 14th of June at the clinic we've been going to.


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

yes, although depends on the clinic/consultant - some of them just don't 'believe' in immune testing or feel that there is insufficient evidence to support it 
those of us who have finally succeeded to have children following immune treatment understandably feel there must be something in it
you have 'only' had 2 miscarriages which technically makes you ineligible for recurrent miscarriage testing on the NHS (which includes some of the basic tests an immune specialist would also do) - if you are paying anyway privately for tx, then you should be able to pay for testing
definitely read up on it before you see your consultant so you can go in armed with the right questions to ask
my personal feeling is that although I will never know for sure that it was the immune tx which finally got and kept me pregnant, at least I know that I did absolutely everything I could have done and even it had just been 'my time' and I would have got pregnant anyway (such an element of chance/luck when it comes to fertility it seems) at the same time I am glad that I explored all the options as it could just have been the immune tx which made the difference
best of luck,
Suitcase
x


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## Supercalifragilistic (May 20, 2012)

suitcase of dreams said:


> yes, although depends on the clinic/consultant - some of them just don't 'believe' in immune testing or feel that there is insufficient evidence to support it
> those of us who have finally succeeded to have children following immune treatment understandably feel there must be something in it
> you have 'only' had 2 miscarriages which technically makes you ineligible for recurrent miscarriage testing on the NHS (which includes some of the basic tests an immune specialist would also do) - if you are paying anyway privately for tx, then you should be able to pay for testing
> definitely read up on it before you see your consultant so you can go in armed with the right questions to ask
> ...


This is actually my third miscarriage but the first one was years ago. I've also had two terminations before (I was married to a violent man who kicked me down the stairs when he found out I was pregnant; don't regret having terminated the pregnancies I had with him because we would both have been abused). The miscarriage was also with him, caused by his violence.

But the last two times I've been pregnant - 2011 and now, recently in 2013 have both miscarried, and although it would be easy to say it's just down to the age of my eggs, it is a really good point to try to check other issues before spending our last money on a final cycle. If it's not an egg issue, a DE solution won't actually work either.

I wonder if I should get in touch with my GP or whether they would really investigate. My GP did refer me to the EPU in 2011 and I was under a consultant who did seem to care (although he neglected to inform me that the surgery I needed to remove my fibroid would also risk making me infertile by blocking my tubes... and then neglected to tell me the only way we would get pregnant would be through IVF, until a month after my 40th birthday at which point we were no longer eligible for NHS funding).

I feel quite self-pitying right now - I've just had a run of extremely bad luck with all of this and I feel heartbroken that I might not be able to have children with the only man I've ever trusted enough to do that with.


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

sending some    what a tough time you've had of it 
it took me nearly 4 yrs, multiple attempts with OE and DE and a miscarriage before I got lucky and now I have 2yr old twins
I know only too well how hard it is to keep struggling on when it feels like everything is against you   
GP probably won't do much tbh, but no harm in trying
my advice would be to hang in there, educate yourself as best you can and push your consultant/clinic to explore all options. you are paying for the service so demand a high level of attention - fertility tx is not cheap, especially in the UK and you do have a right to expect good service 

Suitcase
x


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## Supercalifragilistic (May 20, 2012)

Thank you


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## mierran (Apr 24, 2009)

Hi,

I would go to your gp and tell him / her about the earlier m/c on top of the current two. You dont ask you dont get i'm afraid with the nhs these days.

If you do need further immunes testing you can get it done much cheaper abroad eg serum in athens is i think 800e rather than nearly 2000 in uk. They also did a 2 oe package for 4000 euro where if the oe 1 st one didnt work you could put the 2nd cycle money towards a de cycle which is normally 5000e i think They also do things like backup donors.

You can get there cheaply - return flights edinburgh for dp incl 1 suitcase were only 130. Hotel 25e a night for an ok one. If you both go out for tests ( he needs some done too i think depending on what your gp will do for you ) you can leave his contribution there for 250e so if you do go down the de route only you need return or, if you both go, you only need to be there for a couple of days for et.

The other thing i would recommend doing 1st is getting a hidden c/ ureaplasma test done. It a couple of hundred and is done on menstrual blood.

Given your multiple m/c and 2 terminations a hysteroscopy may also be advised to check re adhesions. 

I would definitely say tho that there are other things to do before going down the de route.

It may be worthwhile contacting penny at serum. She does free skype / phone consults. I've never been but others say she is great.

Good luck anyway. And remember - the big advantage with de is there is not the same time constraints as there are with oe.


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## Supercalifragilistic (May 20, 2012)

Thank you, Mierran - yes, there seem to be quite a few positive comments on this forum about Serum in Athens. You've pointed out some interesting things worth investigating. I think I need to write some questions down before our follow-up consultation after this second round.


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