# Adoption Buddies Starting 2014/2015 part 5



## poppy05

Happy chatting


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## alig1972

Hi 

First one to post on new thread. Glad we are all still together! 
Quick one from me to say one week until panel....eek! 

Ali


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## becs40

Ooh Ali finally! Good luck, I'm  sure it will all be good. You must be so relieved to be at this point now I'm sure but equally glad to get past it too!


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## Tictoc

Good luck for tomorrow - let us know how you get on.


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## Forgetmenot

A week away and missed the drama! Glad I found you x


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## DRocks

Ok, I shall give up being a grump and post  
So you might all remember me, been approved just over two years now.
The good news is our LA only have a handful approved and that tables have turned and children are coming through think and fast.
Bad news is that a whole new bunch will be approved in the next 3-6 months so the race is on.
Finally have my weight down to a level that makes us more appealing, but need to get updated medical and our police checks are being re done.

So we will be good to go within the next three weeks. I'm nervous and excited about this part of the journey. We are now seeking F2A or "normal" adoption, so our path could head in either direction.
But the time feels right, never in the past two years have I thought it was our time, but it does feel like that. Even writing that fills me with nerves. 
The two years have given us time to talk through everything 100x over, we have been able to start a new business, grow it and find a perfect work life balance that allows us both to be very hands on once the time comes.

We are lucky to have a very supportive SW that feels more like a friend so that's a blessing.
Anyway, I'm going to be here a lot more from now on. I had to step away for a good while, and although I was happy for you all, I felt incredibly jealous at times.


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## becs40

Well you know we've all been waiting patiently to hear news from you so fingers crossed its really soon now! I do strongly believe in fate although it's a struggle to believe and accept it when things are not going the way you'd planned. It certainly sounds like fate had this in mind for you over the past couple of years to get you to the right place. Let's hope your patience won't be tested much further!


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## Ozzycat

Good luck disneyrocks, looking forward to reading about ur journey... fingers crossed this is ur time xxxxx


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## Forgetmenot

Disney, lovely to hear your update and positivity. You guys will be all the better parents for it.

We have been AWOL.  We have had little ones first family, holiday, baptism and finally have our day in court tomorrow, then we are done.  Such a relief.

He also decided this week when in the shops that he was going to walk, and he's not stopped since! My baby is growing up.  Had a little cry, but very proud of him.  Another milestone.

Each day goes by too quick and he amazes me everyday, just love him and the happiest I have been.  How can one little bean bring so much fun and joy... just blessed beyond belief (remind me when he goes of the rails, will need to look back on this lol!!!!) xx


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## Helend75

Hello all - I'm someone else who posts infrequently but reads regularly! Disneyrocks, your name is a bit of a blast from the past, but so pleased to hear you've re-engaged with the adoption process. I panicked a little to see that this had been moved to a parenting thread, but what's in a name, eh?!
We met with our sw on Friday of last week & it was all doom & gloom. She spent some time talking to us about what we'd need to do for our annual review & questioned whether OH would need a medical update or just me (given his was updated in January/February). Given we were approved in August and we were one week into April, I felt a little disheartened. Also, given we were approved for little more than 1 month before OH got a cancer diagnosis which took us out of the process for a good 4 months, in my own head we've only been fully engaged with the process since Feb. Anyway, like I say all a bit disheartening.
We discussed 2 links on linkmaker - one sw made noises about requesting our PAR then has gone to ground for the last 4 weeks (on the site it says queries unanswered for 3 weeks), and someone else requested our PAR on April 1st but have heard nothing either way. SW told us that she had forwarded our PAR at the request of another agency - but the agency had asked that this not be discussed with adopters given they were taking in a lot of PARs and didn't want to disappoint. Given the conversation then turned to her having had a couple rejected as adoptive 'mum' had once, way back when had suffered from depression, and that the longer it is after the cancer the less relevant it becomes & the more attractive we become; well, we didn't really feel that anything would come of this link.
Sw emailed late Tuesday afternoon to let us know that we had been shortlisted and sw will be in the region on Monday!! It's been full on since then - after work Tuesday we read the CPR, foster carers & medical reports (blue, approaching 19 months), Wednesday had our SW visit, and we have talked about this a lot!! Our sw is out at a training event yesterday & today and as yet hasn't even confirmed what time on Monday (she told them we could be available from 12.30)!! 
We've had mixed feelings & when our sw came on Wednesday I think she was expecting us to speak with more love & affection for this lo & so we've been trying to think why maybe we haven't been. Firstly, there's the obvious one - we read the info after 6pm on Tuesday & met her at 4.15 Wednesday so it had been less than 24hrs that we had known ANYTHING about this child. Also, we agreed had we have seen this profile we'd have asked to make a link, this way round just seems to have been out of our control, and caught us out a bit. Slowly we're catching up though and this young man ticks plenty of boxes so we're going to throw ourselves into Monday. I likened it to finding out OH had cancer, you take in the info, ask the questions then as it slowly sinks in you emotionally play catch up; we asked pertinent questions of our sw, provided her with text book answers when preparing for Monday, but showed little emotion. We'll give it our best shot now it's all sunk in a little better. 
They've shortlisted two couples & the first visit will be Monday morning & we'll presumably be sometime after that. We have our suspicions as to who the other couple may be given we know which sw they are working with; and on paper I imagine that they're not dissimilar to us. 
I think another reason for holding back is that OH is a bit worried that we could get so far with the social worker then in a fortnight find something bad out from the CT, he's convinced his chest doesn't feel right! I think the problem in his chest is actually in his head!! He missed the sw arriving on Wednesday as he was at a CT appt, this is something he has/needs to have every 3 months, but bloods & chest X Ray's have given no indication that there's anything sinister going on. All the ailments come out of the woodwork at appointment time! That said, after all the knocks, I think our caution and self preservation is understandable. If nothing comes of the link we are nonetheless reassured that someone has read the CPR & hasn't dropped it upon seeing the C word.

So, sw, csw & family finder coming on Monday, 50/50 chance of being successful...!!! Whole house to clean & tidy this weekend. Any words on what to expect are welcome - we plan to do cake/biscuits, know they would like to see child's bedroom & potentially the whole house, and are reassured to know that the hard work is done, they like us and want to check that our PAR is an accurate reflection. 
I'm assuming I've done the right thing to cancel cocktails with the girls on saturday (normally a noon until 8pm affair that wipes me out Sunday too)?!


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## Loki Girl

Helen lovely to see you back posting and to know your OH is doing ok. Must of been such a worry over the last few months but hey things may be taking a turn for the better!!! I wouldn't panic about seeming unemotional about the little one. I am sure they are used to it. After all it is just a photo and a brief history and given all our circumstances I'm sure they understand us holding back. I was same when we saw the first pic of our little lady. It just seems so surreal. Could this little girl end up being my daughter it's just so hard to believe. Fingers crossed that they pick you!!!! Will be looking out for your update!!!

Disney - hang in there. Must be awful but your time will come Hun. Glad u feel better and more optimistic about things. 

Ali - ooh not long. I'm sure it will all be fine. U are nearly there!!!

Our littlest man finally had his goodbye contact yesterday. I sooooo did not want him to go. BM hasn't seen him for 6 weeks so was really worried about just sending him off for 3hrs with a stranger. Luckily his SW went with him and she's lovely so that was the only saving grace. Mind u turns out that goodbye contact meant walking into town and doing some shopping!!!!!! Not sure how that means spending time with your son. He would of been asleep in the buggy the whole time!!! But all done now. We had a bit of a spanner thrown in the works when social services decided 11 days before his PO hearing and 3 weeks before we were due at panel that now because we have officially adopted the other 2 we now need to be assessed again as 3rd time adopters!!!!! It's a joke considering we were assessed last year. They panicked us big time by telling us we needed to update our DBS again only done just over a year but said we just need to update but when we inquired they said no you have to of registered 19 days after your application which we didn't know anything about so had to repaply for a full one!!! I kicked up a huge fuss cus last time took 4mths and meant our little boy wouldn't be adopted till end of year and the whole point was to get him adopted quickly but anyways after we pointed out they are valid for 3yrs and how ridiculous it was they have relented as long as we sign a disclaimer saying we haven't had any convictions in last year. We still have to update medicals which are booked for next week and she is revisiting references. So we can't make beginning of May panel now but there is an extra one mid May which we are hoping for if we can get it all done otherwise will have to be June. Just waiting on a date for the matching meeting. Still keeping everything crossed our family will finally be complete by summer and we can say goodbye to social workers lol. 

Hope everyone doing ok xxx


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## ciacox

Helen - fantastic news! So glad things are moving for you guys. Even if you are not successful with this guy, it's extremely positive to be shortlisted. You sound very much like I felt when we first heard a bit our LO. In fact, you sound more positive than I did. I hate to remember it bit I felt flat, tearful and with a big part of me screaming NO!! For me that was a lot to do with fear, with confronting the fact of a real child not dreamt in my imagination, letting go of the fantasy I didn't know I'd  held on to that we would in fact have a birth child.

Sitting here now, watching our LO of nearly 19 months playing with a ukelele while I semi ignore him, I am so pleased I wasn't swayed by those first instincts. He's just brilliant. Just wanted to share if you're worrying - as I did - about not feeling 'instant connection'. Go with your head, your heart will catch up. Good luck!

And God luck to you too Disney. Congrats on the weight loss. Hope you hear good news soon xxx


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## Tictoc

Helen - I joined this board late so wasn't with you ladies from the beginning but I'm delighted to read your update. I hope this link is successful but even if not as you say it is a positive move forward that your OH's medical issues didn't scare them off!


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## becs40

Helen I second what ciacox has said about not feeling it. We saw photos of our little man 4 months before he came home so he was appx 2 months old in the photos. Everyone was saying how cute he was etc and he was but there was no real pull for me, I'd say that those kind of feelings really didn't come for me properly until a good couple of months after placement. He's my absolute world now though and is just becoming increasingly more adorable every day!
Good luck with everything.


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## Forgetmenot

We are done! Court is out


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## Ozzycat

And I'll third it!!
Everyone cooed over photos of our little munchkin and I felt nothing... that's a lie I felt fear..
I couldn't understand why I wasn't instantly in love with her and it scared me what if these feelings never came.. It took me a few months to bond with her but like becs and all us other mummies, now she is my world xx
Good luck and don't worry about not feeling anything, these feelings do come with time, it's like falling in love... when u finally give in and let u r guard down its amazing x


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## Ozzycat

Whoooooo FMN... how amazing does it feel X
Now go and have an amazing afternoon with ur beautiful son xxx


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## ciacox

Congrats FMN!!


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## Helend75

Thank you all for your reassurance & congrats FMN.

Should I be worried that we don't actually have a time for our meeting on Monday?! Our SW was on a course yesterday & today. She had told CSW that we could be available after 12.30 on Monday, but they haven't confirmed anything! Makes me feel that either a) it won't happen & they meant to cancel on us, or b) that we're not the preferred couple as they've arranged to go to visit the other couple at 10am; why don't we have a firm arrangement? Or is 'after 12.30' considered a firm arrangement?! 
I wish they wouldn't do stuff like this, it winds OH up that sws don't appreciate that we have employers!! Despite not being in work our sw said she'd check her work email after her course and get back to us - she's emailed tonight to say that she's not heard & so now imagines it will be Monday morning. Nothing like being kept on your toes!!


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## becs40

Hhmm yes the delightful world of sw communication or rather lack of! Certainly don't miss that! In my experience don't try to second guess what's going on and just accept that they have zero regard for your time or feelings and wait to hear Monday morning. That's the bit we found the hardest expecting to hear at certain days/times etc then it not happening. We finally had a call at 11am on a Monday morning to say could we start intros that afternoon so never underestimate how unimportant they see communication! 
Congrats FMN, was that your celebration hearing I've got everyone muddled up with my lack of flipping sleep again!
On that note I caved in and had a consultation with a sleep consultant to try and resolve little mans issues! She was lovely and actually only recommended a couple of minor changes she thought would name the difference so fingers crossed. She has adopted 2 children herself so is obviously very aware about the side issues to any course of action.


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## Thepinklady

Congrats Helen, hope the link leads somewhere and this is you and oh back on road to forever family. Fmn delighted you are all done and dusted.

Becs I will be really interested to hear how you find sleep consultant. I contacted her last year when we had lo but took it no further in light of continued high contact with bf and decided if lo stayed once things calmed down we would go back to her for full consultation. Would def consider using her in future when we have another lo if there are sleep problems. Hope it proves worth it for you.


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## ultrafirebug

Hi ladies,  sorry I've been a bit rubbish about posting since placement but our lo is keeping us very busy.  We go to matching panel next week  Hope everyone is well and if you have placements they are going well x


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## pyjamas

Looking forward to LOs 2nd birthday on Monday. Doesn't seem possible! LO moved in with us on 12th last year so she has now been with us a year. When talking with hubby we wondered what we used to do with all the time we had! x


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## becs40

Pinklady, she did the free 15 minute consultation with me and said in her opinion it wouldn't be worth doing more as she seemed to think the couple of things she suggested would resolve the problems. Obviously if in a couple if weeks we're no better off than to go back to her and see where we go from there. Obviously Rome wasn't built in a day and it's only been a couple of days since we started doing things differently. It's been a mixed few nights so far, the first night we got 2 wakings (usually have at least 3) but he self settled and went back off himself both times without needing us to go in. The next night we had 2 wakings again and we had to go in both times but only for 15-20 mins. The 2nd waking is usually around 4-4.30 and often if we can't get him back off quickly then he doesn't go off at all so we're up from that time. Last night he slept through until 4.15 then wouldn't go back off again. I think last night was dh's fault though. He tried to put him down to sleep unsuccessfully so he was an hour late going to bed, then he went into him this am and didn't really actively try to get him back to sleep, consequently 45 minutes later I ended up going in when little man was already shouting and babbling away wide awake and tried unsuccessfully to get him back off so he was up from 4.15. So we'll see what tonight brings! 
Doesn't help that he's suffering a bit of separation anxiety because of a leap in his language skills and also dh started a new job last week so now leaves at 7am and isn't back for bedtime normally whereas before he left for work about 9am and was home by 5.30 so he's seeing an awful lot less of him. We've moved bath time to the morning now as dh and he have always done that together but as he's not there in the evenings it seemed sensible to move it to the morning so they get that time together still. So quite a lot going on for him to process at the mo so it will take time to settle I'm sure.
If nothing else we've managed to get him to a good nap time of 1.00pm now which is much better so that's something at least.


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## Helend75

OMG!!! We got a yes!!!
They've made light of the cancer, no more of a risk that anyone else 
OH will be happier once next Wednesday has been & gone and the CT results are known, understandably, so we won't rush into anything just yet. Panel is June 14th.

The only rain on our parade is that the adopters from my prep group, one has posted a message in our closed group, well, a rant about how they've not been picked, and it's clear they were the couple we were up against. I forgot for a moment that our moment of happiness came at the expense of someone else's disappointment.

Something else, that I've not even told OH, blue was born on the day I left hospital following my last miscarriage. I felt it was fate.


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## Ozzycat

Oh Helen I'm so excited for you such amazing news... enjoy the build up as ur lives are going to change pretty dramatically 😆😆😆


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## Loki Girl

Oh Helen. U don't know how happy I was to read your post. What an amazing turnaround after all the heartache you have been through. Yes it's a shame that someone had to miss out but it could of been the other way round. There is a LO out there for that couple too. It's why I was glad our LA never pitted couples against each other. They only considered one adoptive couple per child and if you said no to that child then you waited for another. It is a relief to know that when we looked at the profiles of our children. But hey this is your time and you deserve it. Not long till panel and soon your LO will be home where they belong. So so happy for you. Go celebrate and get as much sleep as you can now hahaha xxx


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## becs40

Yay congratulations Helen! As Loki says you can't worry about the other couple (remind me of that when things like Mother's Day come round and I always feel a bit sad that my happiness is at the expense of bm!) it will be fate that this lo is for you.
I find there's often little things that make the connection seem that bit more "meant to be", in your case little blue being born at the same time as your miscarriage. For us our little blue came home to us 42 weeks from the date we applied to adopt - a pretty normal pregnancy gestation! Spooky!
Enjoy your celebrations.


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## Tictoc

Helen - so happy to hear your news. Now you can really appreciate your time with OH before a LO takes over your lives and home 😆


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## Tw1nk82

So happy for you Helen xx


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## becs40

Pinklady a sleep update for you! We've spiralled into hell! Putting it mildly! Saturday he took over 2 hours to go down with epic battles then he woke at 11, 12, 2, 3-4.30 then was up at 6. Sunday he woke at midnight and it took until 4.00 to get him back to sleep turn up at 6.
Yesterday I brought his nap forward again to our old time and he slept through until 4.15 but that was him up for the day. Who knows what tonight will bring but it's really not going well. I emailed her yesterday for advice as it had got beyond bad but not heard back from her yet. Never thought I'd be grateful for him sleeping through until 4 but after the night before it felt positively amazing!


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## ciacox

Becs - you must be exhausted. How frustrating. Is he tired during the day? Hope you find your answer soon.

Just wondering if anyone has advice on how to handle being away from LO. My partner has to be away for 2 weeks in July with work and we're both dreading it. He is building a fantastic relationship with Cub and we want to minimise the impact of the separation. Any ideas/experiences? Cub will be 22 months.

On the opposite note, we're also looking for advice from any dads who have taken parental leave. We're doing shared leave and I'll go back to work in October and my partner will be off with Cub til Feb. I think it'll be hard for him as so much stuff is basically only mums and kids. Any ideas of where/how to meet other dads who are also off with their kids?


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## Thepinklady

Oh becs that is bad! It is the every hour or two thing that got me! Everytime I got back into bed after settling LO I would think surely that is it until morning but no I would just be back into a deep sleep when it would start again! Hope you get it sorted, I told DH on a recent respite visit of LO who was up and down a next time if LO is a bad sleep we are paying the money no matter what to get a proper sleep consultant so keep me updated on whether you go for the full consultation and if it works! Hope you manage to get some rest today.

Ciacox, my DH is planning on taking the adoption leave on our next placement and not me. He is very keen to get some time out of a very difficult work environment and also be the one to get a chance to be the primary carer and I can not deny him it. He will be off for the full leave. I think he will be fine. My DH is very social and is very used to be being in women dominated environments and it does not bother him. He will probably be the only man in many of the groups but he will be fine. That said I went to baby sensory with our LO and there was a daddy in that group some weeks so it is becoming more common to see men in them. Hopefully your DH will find a male companion, lol!


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## Thepinklady

Ps why not try posting on your local mumsnet group and see if there are any stay at home dads locally that could link up with him!


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## becs40

Well we had an amazing night last night! He slept through until 5.25 then played contentedly with his teddy for another 1/2 hour. Not sure what's made the difference. It could be because dh has been home for bath time the last few nights (ciacox little man is 22 months and dh has started a new job meaning he leaves much earlier and wasn't home for bed the last 2 weeks and I think this has played a large part in our problems! ) , it could ce because his nap time was about 45 mins earlier than sleep consultant suggested, it could be because he now has a night light or finally could be because we put a lavender diffuser in his room although when he went to bed he seemed to be rubbing his eyes like it gad upset him so had to turn it off. Do you get the impression we'll try anything!  
Anyway going to switch the diffuser on after his nap this afternoon then switch it off before bed so hopefully it will still have the fragrance but not strong enough to irritate him.


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## ritzi

i dont often post but wanted to say helen - so chuffed to read your news - i was rooting for you (i had a serious illness pre-adoption too)

becs, no advice really but 3 years in we have sleep troubles with our bc. our other 3 are amazing sleepers. we are under a hospital consultant for ?sleep terrors but so far found no answers. it rubbish surviving on no sleep!

pink - my dh was the sahp for 3 years after dd....swimming was a good one, usually a few dads there, sling meets attracted a few too, think more open-minded parents maybe? dh just dug deep and turned up, he was often v popular with the mums


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## alig1972

Hi 

So we had our panel today and we got a unanimous YES   
Can't believe after 3 1/2 years that we are finally approved, now the hard work starts! 
We had a meeting with the family finder afterwards and she has already circulated our profile to the LA's 
Lets hope we don't have to wait too long for a match


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## Tw1nk82

Becs i really cant imagine how you cope on lack of sleep. Glad little man did better last night xx

Alig congratulations. Hope that you dont have to wait too long for a match xx

We have had a pretty hard week. Little miss is teething she then had an allergic reaction to i think her bath wash then looks like she has caught hand foot and mouth. Now just need to hope little man doesnt catch it but he is always giving her kisses and cuddles. I suppose what will be will be. We cant protect them from all diseases. 

Counting down now for four more weeks when we will be putting in all our paperwork for both our little ones. Cant wait until they are officially ours and the sw visits end xx


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## becs40

Wow fantastic news Ali! So so thrilled for you, your perseverance paid off! Hope you're not waiting long.
Hope you have lots of plans to celebrate now too. X


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## Loki Girl

Aww congratulations Ali. U got there finally. Such an amazing feeling isn't it? Hopefully not too long to wait now. 

Tw1nk sounds like it's been a bit rough for you too. Teething is the worse. I remember sitting for couple of hours trying to soothe our eldest son. Our little lady has been fab even with the horrible back molars coming in.

Becs really hope you get some answers cus it just sounds like a nightmare and u must be exhausted. I know from our littlest being up lol. So glad our elder 2 sleep well as every 3hrs with baby was exhausting enough. He is getting better finally. We changed his milk and he seems much better. He is finally taking some 6oz bottles and going 4hrs between feeds. For 12 weeks old it's taken him awhile to get there lol. Something I never thought would happen he went one night from 10.30 till 5.30 and another night he did 10.15 till 4.30 so a really good stretch and more manageable just lol. The hard part is the fact he doesn't settle when the other 2 are napping and then he's overtired by evening then can't settle cus of the evening antics of the others. He doesn't like being on his own but the noise of the others through bath etc means he doesn't settle again. Once they are in bed I can bath him and attempt to settle which can take awhile. But he's doing great, loads of smiles and interacting now which is lovely. HV thought he was bit behind due to BM's anti depressant medicine and alchohol etc so really pleased he seems to be catching up. Getting medicals done this week and matching meeting booked for end April so hoping to still make mid May panel.


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## becs40

Woohoo! Little man woke a couple of times during the night but self settled within a few minutes so no need to go to him then slept through until 6.05!   I "think" it's the nightlight that's made the difference as dh wasn't back for bath and bed last night so wasn't that! Just pray the trend continues! Dh us doing his first working from home day tomorrow as well so that will be nice.
Loki little mans bm was on anti depressants too, the only thing we felt was different with him was he was very chilled out when he was younger! Making up for that now though as he's now the Duracell baby that just goes on and on and on lol!


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## Loki Girl

Woo hoo Becs. Let's hope he's not lulling you into a false sense of security haha. 2 nights ago out littlest man slept from 10.30 to 4.30 then went back to sleep till his next feed at 8.15!! It was so nice as meant had plenty of time to sort the other 2 breakfast etc and then could sit nice and calm with him with his bottle. It was lovely. Not the norm of him deciding he wants feeding right when trying to do the other 2 breakfast ten I am up down up down as the other 2 want this that or the other or dropped something. Poor thing sometimes he never gets to sit and relax and drink his bottle lol. Last 2 nights he's been fidgety from 4.30 and been up at 6. And he's not been good in day as think he is overtired. Let's hope he's the opposite and I get a really easy toddler on my hands hahaha. That would be a miracle especially if he copies the other 2 lol. Our big man was lovely and quiet and now all he does is copy his sister shouting and screaming and can't get him to stop as now they just bounce off each other doing it. It's so fab when u have just spent half an hour getting the baby to sleep and they start screaming cus he touched something of hers and then baby wakes up!!!! Big man is such a monkey he knows exactly how to rile his sister up at the age of 16mths and will get into everything when he knows I am busy. He is a complete nightmare at the moment. He climbs everything, eats everything and generally into everything. He is soooo different to little lady lol. I keep waiting for it to get easier   Think I've got a while yet!!


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## liveinhope

Great news Helen


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## Tw1nk82

Yey becs i hope it all continues for you xxxx

We are off to playgroup this morning so little man can burn off some steam xxx


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## Helend75

Hi ladies, I'm in link-matching panel panic mode!!! 
At what point were you made aware of 1) when intros may start (we've been told with matching panel on the 14th & intros may be 7 days later) and b) at what point you heard what lo would be bringing with them?
I'm basically up at 3am every morning with new and urgent thoughts (non slip bath mat, thermometers, something to protect the DVD player - everything is currently sat in a John Lewis virtual basket or in an Amazon wish list). 
We will be meeting our sw on a week on tues as she is in holiday for 3 weeks in May (and so needs all the paperwork done!), life appreciation on May 10th, seeing medical advisor on the 24th & panel on June 14th Ijust panic about not knowing about well, anything!! 

OH talks quite excitedly but then gets himself into check. On an already tight deadline of 8 weeks until panel I'm not allowed to buy anything until he's had his hospital appt on Wednesday. Given our luck he still feels things could go t*ts up, but I keep reminding I'm that he's no medical reason to think that. Wish he'd stop putting so much stress on himself...

Anyway, any answers would be great. i don't want to comment on the sleepless nights (though I am sorry ladies) I'm still in a happy place right now!!!


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## becs40

Haha Helen can't help I'm afraid as we did everything back to front! We were linked in September then got a call in December saying we could do fta with him and could intros start that day! Thanks god we'd bought buggy, cot, car seat etc so it was a few late night shopping trips and online shopping at 3 in the morning to get smaller bits we hadn't bought.
Most lo's will just come with toys and clothes, quantities vary! Our lo's FC knew he was due to move so she'd not bought many clothes in the next size for him because she knew we would want to. It's the aldi baby event today so recommend a trip there if you need things like cot bed sheets, plastic bowls cutlery, beakers, books, wipes etc.
How old is lo?
Loki I don't think I'll ever be lulled I know him too well lol! At least dh is working from home tomorrow so we don't have to get up at 6 if it's a rubbish night.


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## Loki Girl

Aww bless u Helen. Your excitement brings back happy memories!!! I think we were told at matching panel or round about about intros. I remember we were at panel about 19th May and we started intros on 1st June. At the life appreciation you will meet foster carers and she will prob give you some updated photos or video etc. We didn't know what our 2 were coming with and will depend on your foster carer. Our little lady was 18mths and had a Next wardrobe to die for lol. I hadn't expected her to come with that much but you literally get everything that they have ever had or have been given even stuff from birth family so you will probably get loads depending on age of your LO. Our boy was 8mths and didn't come with as much just loads of sleepsuits cus that's all she dressed him in so I had to reduce the 26 sleepsuits he came with as I liked proper outfits not sleepsuits lol. It's nice to buy new stuff but I wouldn't buy too much till you know what she is coming with. Everyday you are at the foster carers they will give you some stuff of hers until you have everything by final day. It is such a wonderful feeling watching her bedroom grow with the things she likes. We found our little lady didn't want the new toys we had bought her she stuck with what she was used to for a week or so then began to explore her new things so I would stick with things she knows to begin with then start adding your own things. How old is your LO? Of course if she is a baby it won't matter so much but she will prob have her favourite toys. I am so excited for you!!!

We had good news today. Placement order was granted for our littlest boy with no contest from anyone and statements from birth parents to support the adoption plan so just need now to crack on with paperwork and getting to panel mid May.


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## ciacox

Brilliant news Loki. So glad things went smoothly and glad to hear he's catching up after your initial worries.

Helen, you sound very like me before Xmas. I hardly slept for a week after we were initially linked. We had a rough date for intros within a couple of days but it kept changing. At matching panel they suddenly wanted to bring it forward a week which we wd have lived initially but we cdnt do it as we'd both made plans with work etc. Our Cub came with loads of clothes and quite a lot of toys. We needed to buy all the big stuff - furniture, pram, car seat etc. We bought a few clothes just bcse it was so exciting and after he'd been home a few weeks we got quite a lot more as - although his clothes were fine - they weren't what we wd have chosen. 

Basic medical cabinet you will probably want from Day 1: thermometer, calpol, baby nurofen, baby nail clippers, sudocrem, teething granules, sun cream. If you're considering a sling maybe see if you can borrow one before intros. It was great to have ours from the outset (someone lent us an ergo) and really helped with bonding I think. Will depend on your foster carers but ours weren't booky and he didn't come with any books. He hadn't had much experience of being read to so we started with just a couple and tried to make them super fun for him.


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## ciacox

Also, amazon prime is amazing. You think of something, you order it, it's there the next day. I feel awful recommending amazon but it was helpful for us in early days when the thought of going to the shops seemed too much.


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## Helend75

IF I need things?!? I need everything!! I don't think a pirate play tent, an assortment of That's my ... Books and a Gruffalo book are going to last long - and I only have them as they've been bought for other people's children for birthday/Christmas gifts!!!
I do live 3 minutes away from a Boots, John Lewis, Next & M&S so the online click and collect service is likely to get hammered!! Roped my mum into washing bedding, towels etc before use too. I would really like contact with Fc as she'll know what type of beaker he prefers etc. Just feel a little in limbo to be honest yet at the sane time know I'm running to a tight deadline and this is the busiest time of year in a secondary school too! 

I'd already thought through a medical kit & have a few books.

He's 19 months so I suppose will be 21ish months by the time I get him. Will he not be a bit big for a sling?! I was just saying to my mum about clothes - FC may not have invested in many 18-24mths clothes if she's known he's going, equally he may get here with 2 suitcases full!
May 10th cannot come quick enough - Csw & Ff couldn't have spoken more highly about the current Fc.

Ciaox, I have Amazon prime! At about 3am following OH's diagnosis I bought it so that if he was on chemo or some such he had some distraction. As I've been adding stuff to my wish list I've thought it will be handy...

Do los of this age wear bins still? I've a little apron in my wish it's as I associate bins with smaller babies. 

If I can't switch my brain off I'm not going to sleep again this year at this rate!!


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## AoC

Hi lovelies.    Just wanted to pop in and wave and say hi.  

Helen, we really pushed to have an intro date before matching panel, but didnt' really get one confirmed.  Similarly, you only really know what's coming with a little one when they turn up, I'm afraid.  At this stage, it's natural to fixate on the details, but trust me when you've got your hands full, you just hit Amazon on the phone and deal with it!    It's a big frustration for me not being able to plan, but it does work out.


Monkey came with clothes (20+ pairs of jeans?!?! a mountain of t-shirts, five coats etc etc...), bedding, three large car loads of toys (I am not kidding), plates, beakers, cutlery, books, nappies, bath toys and sponge, at the latest count (I keep finding more) six dummies and four tooth brushes.  We were offered his buggy, but declined.  He didn't come with bibs, but I do use them, so now he has some.  


  All will work out, I promise.

We're a family of four now and doing amazingly well.  Monkey is just a miraculous boy, always so happy (except when battling a poop!  LOL!) and bright.  I wish you could have seen him, the first day we brought him home - he went round the bags and boxes that had come with him that day, finding the things he normally had in his cot, then tossed them into his new cot bed, insisted on being put into his cot bed, demanded the audio photo album we'd done for him and sat there going through our pictures again.  He was so obviously claiming his space and getting his head round the change it was humbling.

We were braced for sleep regression, eating problems, all the usual distress and unsettled behaviour, but.... all fine.  Bedtimes are a breeze, he sleeps fine, eats fine, plays beautifully, loves his bath, travels like a dream, responds to "no" (!), shows affection, is guarded with strangers but clingy with us....  

Of course, we know it could all go tits up any day, but we're enjoying the ride while we can.   

In fact, on the sad side of things, how easy Monkey has been has made us realise by contrast just how hard it was first time round with Bug, and we've felt very guilty that maybe we didn't do all we could to help him when he was struggling in that first year or so.  Because of this, and because we've had some behaviour regression from Bug and lots of lack of confidence issues, we've spoken to our agency about some post adoption support for Bug, and they're putting together a plan.  It feels like we've been given a second chance to help him process and heal some of his trauma.  I can't stand seeing him in his angry, anxious place again and I'll be damned if we'll stand about and do nothing (apart from the usual daily round of superhuman therapeutic parenting, of course!  LOL!)

Having said all that, he's making progress daily and most of what we're handling right now is just sibling stuff, I think.  But I can see my boy is on high alert, and that's not good enough for him.  I want better for him.  I want everything.  

Anyway.   

Honestly, though, Monkey is just so easy, I feel guilty to have a year off, paid, just to enjoy his company.  It feels like a crazy, undeserved miracle.

Keep the faith, ladies.


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## becs40

Woohoo Loki one more hurdle done!

Lol Helen I assume you mean bibs? And uh yes my 22 month old has ones with sleeves (IKEA are very good for such things if you're lucky enough to have one near!) even that doesn't cover enough in my opinion, a boiler suit would be better!  
Recommend the munchkin miracle 360 if he's still using baby beakers as these don't have spouts so are teeth and speech friendly but also spillproof unless lobbed with force into the floor! Most lo's take to it really easily as well.
Regards a sling, I regularly carry my 22 month old, in fact probably more then I did when he was younger. Mainly now because 1) it's easier than lugging a buggy around if he's mainly walking I can put the carrier in my shopping bag and it's there if needed. 2) if I'm nipping to the post office (daily now with the new business) rather than have to put a buggy in and out of the car or have him trying to remove everything from the shelves whilst I'm trying to sort parcels I find the carrier much easier!
I use a toddler Tula because little man is huge at nearly 15 kg and tall otherwise the standard Tula would fit most still at that age. It's really good for bonding and if ever I feel little man has been unsettled or needing more reassurance than usual I'll make a point of using it for a bit each day so he feels more secure again. It's also great for environments where they could be anxious or overwhelmed such as noisy or busy places. Buggies don't help them feel safe in those environments whereas close to ou really does make a difference.
Exciting times!


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## ciacox

Ah bibs! Was trying to figure that out and wondering if you meant glasses! Yeah we use the ikea ones too.Becs - must look into those cups. Lots of people have been surprised that I'm carrying Cub in a sling (and even a bit judgmental?). It depends on you and your LO whether it'll be something you use much. 

AoC - good to hear from you. Have been wondering g how you're getting on. Monkey sounds great. So glad he's settling in well. I still find it hard to believe that Cub really is okay and happy - I was prepared for anything apart from a happy easygoing little one so it's taken some adjusting to! And I don't t take it for granted - I know how lucky we have been and that we may have trickeier times ahead. Appreciating every moment. Glad you are getting some support for Bug. Hugs for him xxx


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## Loki Girl

Haha yes def lots of bibs still at that age Helen lol. Def ones with sleeves just don't keep forgetting to keep them out of the tumble dryer like I do. The amount I have ruined cus of the plastic lol. Little lady doesn't use them so much now she's 2yrs 4mths but she was always a tidy eater - big man on the other hand oh my lord. Since he has started feeding himself he just gets it EVERYWHERE!!!! Prob a boy thing lol. We went during intros to get little lady's car seat just so we knew we had right one. Big man at 7mths we assumed would still be in a pumpkin seat but nope he was in a proper seat lol. Our main concern was not knowing if they were on the big side or smaller side for their age. For our big man we bought some 9-12mths but then had a heart attack when FC told me she was buying him 18mth at 7mths old!!!! Luckily he wasn't but he wasn't in the 9-12mth very long which was a shame but I do get to enjoy them again when little man gets big enough. All the kids are on the large side. We didn't use slings. I just have never got on with them and our little lady has a few funny ideas and likes to be carried but not in a way she is not familiar with and doesn't like me using it with baby either so for us it's more faff than good but like Becs some people swear by them so try it out. If you get funny looks so be it its your LO at end of the day and they don't know his background. Because he's older you will prob get a lot of stuff. We weren't prepared for things like sand pit, bike etc. But everything they have must be sent on.


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## Tictoc

My second youngest is 17 months and I use a sling for him still - people think I am really over protective with my kids (there might be a little truth in it 😆) but I am positive it really helped with bonding and just making him feel safe. Youngest also loves it but unfortunately it's just not practical sometimes as I can't fit them both in there. 

When second youngest came to us the FC had bought him loads of stuff for the next size already - he still has more clothes than anyone else in this family! On our last day some of her friends and family also bought presents of clothes for him too so I have only really started buying him stuff myself recently. When you speak to FC just ask her / him what your Lo has.


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## ciacox

Becs the munchkin magic beaker is... magic! Bought it this morning and he loves it x


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## becs40

Aw AOC your post was lovely! Long may the honeymoon period continue and hope bug gets the extra help soon.

Ciacox it surely is isn't it! I've recommended it to loads of people and haven't found one yet that doesn't get on with it.

So tonight dh is doing bedtime so I get a night to relax rather than getting stressed about trying to get little man down (although last few nights have been fine with shall we say a "vigorous" rocking session for 10 minutes!). Anyway I think I'm more stressed sitting downstairs listening to little man dragging it out and half knowing that if it carries in much longer I'll end up going upstairs and doing it anyway! I do get so frustrated with dh that he can't just do these things and it always comes back to me stepping in. If we were a couple of months in I'd have more patience but we're 16 months in now!


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## Tictoc

Becs - that made me laugh - exactly the same as my DH - but he keeps telling me I can't expect him to be me!


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## becs40

Tictoc I turned the monitor off and stuck corrie on to distract me and vowed I would not cave in! Well he finally managed to get him off at 7.40 so almost an hour! He did come down and say some of the things get did made him worse (things I'd already said would but he didn't listen!) so I guess he's learnt something tonight!
Little man just woke though and dh did the "pretend to be asleep and not hear him" bit despite having only put his iPad down less than 5 minutes before! So I went in and quickly settled him and came back and said " that's ok then as that means it's your turn next time!" That'll most likely be 2am!


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## Norma12

Morning, quick question.....
Has anyone got any teething tips, we've tried gel, calpol, cooled teething rings, its really disrupting his sleep & wondered if anyone had any tips? Someone recommened ashton & parsons teething gel, has anyone used this??


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## Loki Girl

Hi Norma. We used the Ashton and Parsons and really helped little man. That combined with Calpol and Calgel hahaha. You can get a packet from pharmacy we got ours from Tesco. It's a bit awkward as you need to rip the packet open and pour it in his mouth but our little guy got used to it and would open his mouth. Good luck it's a nightmare. I would sit with my colouring app on my phone for upto 2hrs while trying to soothe him lol.


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## becs40

Hi Norma, we tried it but didn't find it helped with our little man. We swore by anbesol though! Really good stuff!


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## Norma12

Thanks both, have popped to Boots & will give them a go. Hoping we can reduce the number of wake ups from lasts nights!!! 😴😴😴


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## Tw1nk82

Hope everyone is doing well. We got the dreaded phone call today saying birth mother is pregnant again. My stomach dropped. As much as i would like to say yes to this child we couldnt take another one so soon. I feel terrible about it all but when do you stop. If we said yes to this one there would probably be another one next year. I feel so sad xx


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## Loki Girl

Tw1nk do not feel bad. We are also prob going to face this next year as I don't doubt our BM will be pregnant again soon as she has had 3 in 3yrs. Yes we took 3rd but we couldn't take anymore and it is hard as you so want to keep the siblings together. At the end of the day you have to do what is right for you and your LO's. Concentrate on your 2 and maybe the siblings will be able to keep in contact xx


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## becs40

Aw Twink a tough call I'm sure. Our lo has 2 older siblings who weren't able to take him. So the flip side to that coin is by them saying no we now have the family we so longed for. 
I don't think bm will go down that road again now. Lo is nearly 2 now and she has shown signs of starting to turn her life around now which is brilliant. We'd always said we would say yes to number 2 but the longer in we are the more I am not sure we could. I've struggled with my energy levels hugely, partly due to the pituitary tumour and partly due to the very poor sleeping habits of little man. Adding a baby in the mix could I feel be the final straw really. But there's a huge part of me that would want to say yes for little man. He has 2 siblings placed together so is it fair we should turn down the chance for him to have a normal sibling relationship as well. Will he not feel let down that he's on his own later in life.


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## Norma12

Twink, we are the same BM has had another child(2nd not 3rd like you though) & we have been asked. We always said we would consider taking on number 2 when we took on LO but only if the timing was right. It feels far too soon at the moment as LO has only been here 3 weeks. 
At the moment things are up in the air, but we may end up saying we will tske on number 2 in X time or we can't take number 2 on if that timing dirdn't work. 
It feels harsh but it has to be what we can cope with & not jeopardising our attachment with LO. 😥


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## Tictoc

Twink - like others I am sure we will be in that position at some point soon too. We have taken BM's last 2 who are just a year apart - I know that it will be a definite no from me when the phonecall comes. We now have 4 kids and it's my limit. DH thinks we could go for 5 but that's because he goes off to work every day 😆

Honestly it doesn't benefit anyone if you push beyond your capacity because then existing children suffer - as we all know from these boards there are plenty of adopters out there waiting so these young babies are highly unlikely to be left in the system.

I can only imagine how tough it is though!


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## Tw1nk82

Thank you everyone for all your kind words. It is wonderful that there are many of us facing the same things and there is always someone to talk to. I have thought about it no stop today. The pros and cons. I really cant put my two through it. It would be so unfair on them and we are now building wonderfull attachments. I forget that little man has only been with us 7 months and little lady 7 weeks. There certainly will be another lovely family or families for the rest of the babies she has and if they are anything like my two they will be perfect xxxx


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## Helend75

Twink, what a situation to be in. I know at the moment I think I'd bite sws hand off if told that there was a younger sibling option but that's before I've met lo & know that he will become the centre of our world...

Ladies, all my eye rolling and tongue biting was vindicated on Wednesday when OH heard the latest CT showed nothing on OH's lung!!! So, we're now writing lists for homebase, Boots, etc. We went out Wednesday evening to celebrate in Sainsbury's with child friendly garden purchases (that was sws only niggle!), so have a sand trolley, sand & water tray & ride on car. This did lead me to wonder if we're being premature - but I've just set up a new post for that story if you're that interested!!!

Bank holiday of car seat research & cot buying ahead - I bet those particular shops will be heaving on a bank holiday...


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## ciacox

Excellent news Helen (should have read this before posting on other thread).

Three months yesterday since we met our little guy and things are good. Listening to him giggling away downstairs with his Daddy. We love him. The fake it til you make it didn't take long... 

Wondering how folks waiting are getting on. Disney - have you had any news? 

We've done a settling in letter for birth family but feel a bit depressed about Cub's SW's motivation to get it to them. She hasn't made contact with them in months. Hasn't offered them a meeting with us, hasn't given them contact contract. I know she has other priorities but these things are so important for Cub and for them. Ready to pull out my pushy side on this one...


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## becs40

Hi Cacox,
Just wanted to say we didn't do the contact contract until AO was submitted so if you've not done that yet I wouldn't worry too much as its part of the application.

Helen re car seats, there's some really good ******** groups on car seat advice from experts, think one is car seat advice for mummies and daddies and another rear facing for toddlers. My advice is do lots of your own research as the majority of retailers like halfords, mothercare etc are absolutely dreadful! I would also really strongly advise keeping lo rear facing until 4, don't worry if he's already in a forward facing seat as most children won't mind going back again in fact there's lots of older kids who often ask to go rear facing when they see younger siblings still doing it. There's a fair few seats around that do either rear of forward facing so if he were to really strongly object you could use it forward facing. It's 5 times safer for them to rear face until the age of 4. Our car seat laws are worryingly out of touch and most other countries are now really strongly recommending it or enforcing it. There's a video on YouTube "Joel's story" that explains why.


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## Beckyboo3

Hello

Sorry I don't post very often but do read through the thread !
Just wanted some advice regarding Court and Adoption Order - Our SW (7th or 8th one lost count !!) is on long term sick and our LO SW doesn't know.

At the Court hearing  there are three options ? Judge grants the Order, Judge listens to Birth Parents appeal but still grants order or the Judge gives Birth Parents leave to appeal is that correct ?

Who informs us what's happened at the Court ?

Do we get the new Birth Certificate then or do we have to wait for Celebration Hearing ?

Sorry for all the questions just lots to think about.
Thank you in advance 
Beckyboo x


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## Loki Girl

Hi Becky. U got it right regarding what happens in court. When ours was heard the judge gave the birth fathers (who were contesting) an extra week to submit their paperwork which I still think was ridiculous as they had already been given a date to submit everything and of course they didn't so all that happened is we got delayed by a week then the order was granted. 

For birth certificates we have just received our short ones so about a month after their celebration hearing. They had their celebration hearing 3 weeks after the order was given. We have now just applied for their long versions. Think they say about 4 weeks from celebration hearing. 

Your social worker should inform you of what happened in court cus they should be there but after you should receive a letter from the court telling you their decision and what's going to happen. 

Hope this helps and it all goes smoothly for you xx


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## dimplesforever

Hi Becky

Is this the first hearing? I would have thought that if the BP are seeking leave to oppose making of the AO it would be a directions hearing and another date would be set for the hearing of the evidence (that is what happened in my case).  If there is no application from BP then as long as the judge is satisfied that they have been properly notified then the order should be made.

By the way when i struggled to get hold of any the SWs to find out what had happened at court that day I called the court and they were able to tell me over the phone.


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## Beckyboo3

Hi
Thanks for your replies. Both birth parents turned up at Court and the Judge not very happy with it but has given them both permission to appeal the Order.  Gutted - just burst into tears when I phoned my OH.
So more waiting again - SW says not to worry ....

Beckyboo xx


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## becs40

Aw beckyboo  It's horrible but it will be ok. This is pretty standard, there's very few granted on the first hearing. Our lo's siblings were adopted elsewhere and their hearing went to 4 and the final one was just before our hearing. I had set myself up that ours would be contested as well but it was granted on the first hearing which I was astounded by but purely because of the siblings hearing being just a few weeks earlier.
It's hideous waiting for that moment but it will happen so just hang on in there and you'll soon be celebrating.


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## RocketJ

Hi Becky, I was right where you are now 3 months back. It does feel horrid and it's hard not to worry, but try to be reassured that the judge is just ticking all the boxes that they have to, and making sure there are no grounds for anyone to contest the AO when it is eventually granted - which it will be! If I've understood the system correctly, then what the judge is saying at this first hearing is just 'okay, I'll hear what you have to say about changes to your circumstances etc, and then I'll decide if you will be allowed to oppose the AO'. Basically if the birth parents turn up to the first hearing then it is almost inevitable that it will go to a second hearing like this, otherwise they could turn around later and say 'well, noone even listened to what we had to say'. But if the judge seems unimpressed with them, it's unlikely they will actually be granted permission to oppose. We had the second hearing last month and both BM and bf were denied permission to oppose.

It sounds like that is how it went for dimples too - I'm no expert though so I guess it could be different in different courts. All the delays are so frustrating - as silly as it sounds I just want it done so that I can walk into places like the dentist and register my son with OUR family name. I want to shout his name from the roof tops 'this is ****** ****** ***** and he is my son!' but I just don't quite dare until the AO is granted. Hopefully only another few weeks xx


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## Beckyboo3

Hi
Thanks for  your replies - feel a bit happier now. Didn't help the first phone call was from LO's SW who didn't really describe it very well but just spoken to one of our SW's and she was very clear on the whole process so have a better understanding of it all now. 
Thanks x


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## Helend75

Hello all. Becky, do you have much of a wait between court dates? Hope you're managing the wait as best you can.
We have life appreciation day today 😊
We should receive our provisional plan for intros too.
His bedroom is coming on - painted & furnished. Just waiting for an idea of where to place the furniture and then we'll look at where to place the wall stickers. Oh, and curtain rail & curtains. There's still stuff to do elsewhere & the buggy & car seat to sort but OH is very pleased with himself with his bedroom efforts.


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## becs40

Ooh so exciting Helen! Hope your wait is going quickly. I've got to sort little mans buggy and try to find the best place to sell it. Didn't think we'd have to replace it by 2 because he was too heavy for it! 
I'm hoping we're coming through the grizzly phase where he's just been tantrumming, crying and screaming if he doesn't get what he wants and often if he does for the last 10 days or so (feels an awful lot longer!).
Hope your wait isn't too long Becky, hang in there! It just makes it all the sweeter when it does happen!


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## Loki Girl

Aww love hearing bout people getting all the stuff ready. Brings back happy memories. Not long Helen before u meet your little man. 

Well we are nearly there with littlest man. Paperwork has all been completed and signed off. Our SW dropped off our PAR for us to check. They basically used our last one then just added things in blue to say how we are coping etc. Have to say we sound like super parents but don't always feel like that when everything is kicking off!!!! Everyone had been a bit poorly which made for a really rough couple of weeks especially with littlest man. He has been so unsettled and basically if he wasn't feeding or sleeping would be screaming!!! I thought there was something seriously wrong with him!! The other 2 picked up on it and decided to act up too so poor mamma was absolutely exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically!!!! Glad to say things are improving tho. He seems to be getting himself into a little routine and I am finding if I can catch him before he gets overtired and put him in his basket for a nap he does much better. Not always possible with being out and about with the other 2 but yesterday was fab. The 2 eldest slept from 1-3.30 and littlest man slept from 1-4pm!!!!!! I was on cloud nine and have to admit did absolutely nothing at all except read magazines     They were then all in bed and asleep by 7.30. 

Anyways getting off track lol so our panel is a week Thursday so not long to go. Can't wait for it all to be done and then we are done!!!

Hope you have all been enjoying the brief nice weather. We have enjoyed some lovely picnics in the garden.


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## Helend75

Oh my goodness - how lovely is life appreciation day? It was a wholly positive experience 😊


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## Tw1nk82

It is fantastic isnt it helen? It brings our LOs to life. Did you get your intro plan sorted? Xx


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## Helend75

We did thank you. Tuesday 14th June we will have matching panel then intros are set to start on Monday 20th with a view to bringing him home on Monday 27th. I'll write down 'the plan' in my diary. 
Nobody had anything negative to say about him, he has been so well cared for, for which we will always be grateful.


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## ciacox

Lovely to read everyone's updates. Not long now Helen! And Loki, it sounds like you're doing amazingly.

We had out first overnight visitors at the weekend and Cub was absolutely fine. In fact, they (my in-laws) babysat on Saturday night when we went out. We put him to bed first and he didn't wake thank god. Was so worried he would! My mum's coming today for a couple of nights. Can't wait for her to have some proper time with Cub.

Have submitted out adoption order paperwork (just need SW to fill in her bit). Very much hoping it will be a smooth process. Not sure if BPs will contest. Can I just check, is it only birth parents who can contest or can birth grandparents?


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## PixieMcG

Sorry ladies I've been awol since this new thread. Little fella has been grizzly, cutting three top teeth and had an ear infection at the same time. He's a bright happy baby most of the time and to be honest everyone comments how lucky we are but I still find the temper tantrums only happen when I'm at home alone with him. I'm not sure if it's because although we have play time and nap time I still have to get things done like a cup of coffee would be nice warm and without a fight. 

We've had little fella 15 weeks now, adoption paperwork was submitted a few weeks back and a court date of mid July. A little gutted it couldn't be before his first birthday but can't be too greedy. We have been told by our lawyer that we can take him with us to this hearing, BM shouldn't contest as she voluntary placed him for adoption. Still awaiting the court to send someone out to interview us which is apparantly normal, scary right.

The date we have if the judge grants the adoption order is that it legal from then?


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## PixieMcG

Helen congrats huni


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## becs40

Hi Pixie,
Yes if the judge grants it then it is official. However you won't be able to do name change etc still until you get the birth certificate which is 4-6 weeks later. It's unusual for adopters to attend the hearing though. Certainly I don't know of anyone else that has done. Usually adopters would just go to the celebration hearing.


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## Thepinklady

Pixie sounds like things are going well. Becs from memory pixie is in Scotland and outside of England and Wales the adoption process and legalities are very different. Attending court for the adoption hearing is actually quite normal. The legal process varies throughout the uk hugely. I am sure you can not wait for it all to be sorted pixie!

I have been absent for a while because I had managed to sign myself out and could not why logged in again to post comments but had been reading lol! Becs have been wanting to ask you how the sleep has been going. Hope things are improving!


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## becs40

Ah that'd make sense Pinklady! I'm in awe of your memory!
Sleep has been a bit 1 step forward two back. He's definitely been going better through the night and getting up at a more sensible time 6-6.30 but we've been having an epic time getting him to sleep. We have become the "how not to get your child to sleep" epitome! He went through the sleep regression and a bit of separation anxiety during which he wouldn't be down in the cot even with us there and wouldn't even be rocked to sleep on our laps. So we ended up kneeling on the floor in front of the chair and rocking him to sleep. This has taken up to 2 hours on a couple of occasions! Last night being one of them so he ended up going off to sleep at 8.50pm then of course had a restless night and a 5.15 start. 
Tonight tough mummy came in and we started at 6.20. He had his milk and I put him in the cot and went into our room but left the door open. He lasted about 35 mins before started whinging so I went back in and shut the door and sat on the floor. He started crying and said "chair" to go into the chair. So I told him he got one chance in there, any messing around he was straight back in the cot and I would leave him. He made a move to get up and starting pointing at things in the room and chatting so I just reminded him and he sat back and was quiet. He went to sleep within 20 minutes so not great but vastly better. Small steps! Just hope his "early" night means he'll sleep better again and we'll get back on track.
Blimey that was an essay! How are things with you?


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## PixieMcG

Oh becs your doing fab. Our little fella won't go down straight in his cot. Cries as soon as we put him in it. We have a reclining swing chair that he likes to fall asleep and we have been carrying him just before he falls asleep. I said to hubs that we really need to stop and put him down in his cot.

I'm not looking forward to it but it was a bad habit he had from foster parents that we fell into. 🙈


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## Loki Girl

Everyone is different and all our children are different. I have to say we did do tough love on our little lady after like you Pixie she had dreadful habits from the foster carers. She fell asleep when she liked which was often 9/10pm and they would get her up when she woke at 4.30/5. We could never leave her before she went to sleep and like you Becs could be rocking her to sleep for an hour or sitting in her room. We did it gradual. Sat on the floor but she was in cot. She could see she knew we were there. We could be sitting there for an hour and gradually we would move to door and creep out. It was same for naps and we just knew when her brother came I wouldn't have time to do that so we had to do tough love. It only took about a week. And yes we did let her cry which may seem terrible to some but she has no effects now 9mths later and is now a really good sleeper. She prob cried for 45mins the first night which was a real test for us but we had each other and yes I felt terrible with her crying for Mummy and I know not everyone could do it but we knew it was best for her. The next night was 20mins and then she was down to 10mins before stopping completely. She now goes up for her nap and I leave straight away, she doesn't always nap but plays somewhat quietly lol with her toys till I get her. At night she goes to bed at 7pm with music and her gro clock. We read 2 stories and she goes to bed with all lights out except gro clock. She hardly ever wakes up in night and now her normal time of her getting up is between 7/7.30 and sometimes 8 or 9 and sometimes we are back to 6 but don't mind that occasionally lol. Her gro clock is set to come on at 6.30 and she knows she can't get up before the sun comes up so she will chat to herself or play with her menagerie of soft toys she insists on having in the bed lol. The difference in her temperament and behaviour once we got her sleeping properly was amazing. Our biggest man has always been really good. He naps for 1 1/2 - 2hrs and goes to bed at 7pm and is never up before 8 am sometimes 9 lol. Littlest man time will tell he is still not sleeping through night and thinks 5am is a great time to get up lol. Can't do tough love on a 16 weeks old lol. Of course I know this isn't for everyone just sharing my experience if you are going to give it a try Pixie. We did go in upto 3 times but then left her. But like I said we didn't have a choice with little brother coming 8 weeks after she moved in. 

Panel Thurs - still flaming nervous even though I am pretty sure they won't take him away the fear is always there till we get that yes!!


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## PixieMcG

Loki you will be fab but totally understand your worry and concerns.

Once little man goes down between 7.30/8pm that's him until 6.30am. He naps twice one at 9am and another after lunch. He's only ten months so difficult to teach him that he can't get up but hopefully we can get him out of the habit of wanting to sleep in his swing.


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## becs40

Aw panel will be fine! 

He's been through phases but was until this last month or so good about going down to sleep (the rest was rubbish but that bit was ok!) he has gone off a couple of times in his cot on his own in the end during this phase so I'm hoping it's a blip and we'll just persevere and get through it. I couldn't let him cry, nothing against those that do its flipping hard and I'm just not up to that. I figure there'll  come a point where it just won't be an issue - probably when he's a teenager? Lol so we'll plod on for now. Also his vocabulary has taken a massive leap in the past month which I'm certain is a big part of the problem as he just can't switch off so that should settle.
We were out at a village festival the other day where a friend was working in the preschool stand so we popped by to say hello as they had a bit of soft play etc there. He was chatting away and one of the preschool leaders asked how old he was and I said almost 23 months. Friend said to me after that she'd asked that because she couldn't believe how advanced his communication was so thought he was a lot older. I kind of knew it was good but always nice to hear from someone else who deals with lots of lo's to compare it. This from the boy the health visitor said was behind on communication at his 1 year check! I wasn't worried at all as they all do things at different times and they can't be good at everything so where one excels at communication they may lack in other areas. He still doesn't ride sit on toys for example whereas others that are younger are flying around. He'll get there in his own time.


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## ritzi

becs we couldn't let our dd cry either....all parents and children are different and need to make different choices. in desperation i tried when she was around 1.5 yrs and it was a complete failure for me and her with lots of tears   
she's 3.5 now and still difficult to get to sleep, and stay asleep - we are under the paediatrician for her sleep problems yuk. 


i think if you can get ds to go into cot without crying and even if he is playing or reading books quietly then thats ok.....our paediatrician advised us to put her in the cot and potter in the hall - so fold clothes or engage in an activity where she could see me as she fell asleep - i found it hard to find a long activity (in the end often sat with the laptop doing my emails! - mummy is working!) and ignore the calling out to me, but she needed the security of seeing me to fall asleep. the paed also advised using stickers (i know may not work for your adopted ds, but no sticker issues here so we tried) - she had to lie down, close your eyes, be very quiet - those 3 instructions - after 3 minutes i went in and she got a sticker on her chart (we made this together so nothing fancy!) good girl, mummy be back soon......and then 4 minutes, then 5, then 6 minutes, then 7 - it took an hour the first night, then 50 minutes, then 45 - we got through lots of stickers!, but she got it - the yelling for mummy stopped, and i felt more at peace with her non-sleeping. 
our paed said a 'normal' child who is well should take no longer than 10 minutes to fall asleep.   


we still struggle with it - and it takes her up to an hour still - but no more crying, and she lies in her own bed without an adult now. huge progress. 


i hope our story helps you - sleep deprivation is a killer! 


loki - panel will be fine, little man is going nowhere


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## becs40

Ah Ritzi thanks. I think he's a bit young to grasp the sticker thing yet but will keep it in mind. It's frustrating as that was the only part of sleep that was ok so I'm hoping it's a blip and we'll come through it. Last night was vastly better than any other in weeks. As a consequence he was asleep by 7.10 so slept right through with no wake ups until 6.25am. We've spoken to a sleep consultant and she said the end of his nap to bedtime should be no more than 4 hours and he'll sleep better and later. We've found it impossible to get as close as 4 hours but certainly found if it's 5 ish then it makes a huge difference. Last night was dead on 5 so I know if we can get the going to bed bit back on track we'll be sorted!


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## Loki Girl

Well panel was a big yes from everyone. I can't believe how nervous I was considering the chances of them not approving us were very slim!!! We had the first panel to be approved as 2nd time adopters. They only asked us 2 questions - how we were coping and how did we find the difference between fostering and adoption and then everyone said yes. We then left the room for a bit and then went back in to be matched with littlest man. Again only 2 questions asked - how were we going to manage explaining their complex histories and then the other one was actually for the social worker not us and was a bit of a weird one cus our littlest man has a half sibling who has been adopted out and although SW did everything to find him all his files are closed and no one knows where he is but this woman on the panel seemed to think that they should do more to find out where this half sibling is. Very noble but our daughter has 2 half siblings who have been adopted and our son has 3 half siblings who have been adopted and no one knows where they are or are bothered to try and find out so why this one? Not sure what or if SW are going to do about that but I suspect nothing lol. So anyways then we got the yes from everyone for the match. So it will go to be ratified on Tues then we would be able to apply to adopt him straight away but turns out they haven't got the placement order through from the courts yet so that has to be chased. 

So all good on our part and nearly all finished with social workers!!!


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## Tw1nk82

Congratulations Loki. Didnt think it would have went any other way xxxx

Well we have completed our adoption order paperwork for both our little munchkins now its just a waiting game. What were everyones timescales? Xx


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## Loki Girl

Thanks Tw1nk even tho you kind of know it's a done deal and we know our paperwork is always spot on there's still the worry lol. We submitted our papers end of Nov and had a court date about 2 weeks later for Feb. It's prob different for all LA's tho. Hope u get a date through soon x


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## Tictoc

Congrats Loki.

Twink - hope you get a date soon.

Well we got placement order today which was a surprise. Absolutely delighted but waiting to see when we can apply for adoption order


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## Loki Girl

Yay congratulations Tictoc - great day for both of us  xx


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## becs40

Congrats Loki and Tictoc!

good news all round!


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## PixieMcG

Congrats Loki. 

We got our date through within two weeks of paperwork being submitted but was 9 weeks away. Currently booked for the 15th July.


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## pyjamas

Was pleased to hear from preferred pre school that LO can start from Sept for two mornings a week. They were also helpful in getting funded sorted as she wont be 3 till April 2017. Scary thought that I will actually have some time alone! x


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## becs40

We're hoping lo will start 2 mornings as well in September. He's only 2 next week though so we'll have to see how he takes to it. We still need to go and have a look at the preschool but I've spoken to the manager there and she said best to pop in unannounced so we see what it's really like. It's in the village and our neighbour is the deputy there so it was a natural choice for us subject to visit of course!


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## Loki Girl

Aww Becs can't believe u are talking bout pre school with your little guy!!! Our little lady was 2 and 3mths when she started. It was so tough at first as she would just cry to be left. Hardest thing as a parent to walk away even tho I used to phone them and she would be fine and even talk to me on the phone!!! But she absolutely loves it and it's the right place for her. She now just leaves me in reception and goes running off to her room to play. I was bit worried after the half term break but off she went with no probs I am so proud of her. Bless her tho when u pick her up she always says you came back, you came back so think she does have little insecurities I won't go back for her even at her age. I just keep telling her I will always go back for her. 

Things still quite tough here. Little man is not the easiest of babies and with all this teething it's just been really hard to keep on top of him and the other 2. The weather hasn't helped either I guess. He now has 2 bottom teeth fully in and I guess it's now the top ones coming down as he's just been awful. Last Sun was the worst he just screamed all day unless he was asleep which wasn't much. Luckily it was Sun so DH here to help. Big man is really into high pitched squealing and no matter what I do I can't make him stop so by the end of the day I am usually sporting a pretty big headache!!! Little lady has never been the quietest of things but she is getting better but sometimes she just has to wind him up or normally he is winding her up so sometimes it's just chaos. I just think he needs some words which are slowly coming but he's obviously learnt high pitched squealing for everything works even tho I try and enforce the words. With little lady whispering works cus she copies but at 18mths big man doesn't get it. Anyways pretty exhausted all the time as none of them sleep at the same time, little man never sleeps through night and seems little lady is starting to give up naps so roll on next Jan when big man can go to pre school lol. Love em all to bits really but they are sooooo demanding lol. 

That's good Pyjamas yes we got funding for our little lady tho we don't use it all at the mo. She does 2 mornings then Sept we will put her in for 3 then when big man starts in Jan we will up her to 4 then prob 5 for the last term so she is then ready for nursery. Can't believe how fast they are growing up!!!!

Little man's application went in yesterday so just waiting on a court date now. Hope everyone doing ok xxx


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## becs40

Aw Loki I seriously don't know how you do it! One is bad enough!   I'm very relieved that bm seems to be getting on track with her life so think it's very unlikely we'll get a call! I'm actually selling his buggy and everything now so that'll probably jinx it! 
He is great fun now at 2 but exhausting because he just does not stop! What I would do for even a 10th of his energy! 
He'lol be 2 yrs 3 months when he starts too Loki, I think he'll really enjoy it as he doesn't get masses of time with other kids and he really enjoys it when he does so I think that will outweigh any leaving mummy anxieties hopefully. He's also pretty confident which is nice but also getting a lot more affectionate and cuddly now.
I'm not mentioning the sleeping as that will probably jinx it too but you can guess what that means!  
Been so busy with the business too that those few hours a week will be really handy!


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## Thepinklady

Aww it is good to read an update from you guys Loki and becs. Glad the sleep seems to be going well becs. Loki you have my full admiration. We had to go back to panel to be reapproved before we are able to have another concurrent placement. We are nearly there and hoping to be able to get on with our journey again soon. I love reading all your posts and am looking forward to getting to do it all again myself sometime soon. Well soon could be anytime from summer to Autumn or even winter. Who knows? I have to say though we have really made the most of our time together since lo went home and have fitted in some travelling which we did not expect to do again for sometime. Lol!


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## becs40

Sleeping is pretty good it's just the getting to it that's still a bit of an issue. Never mind even that is improving just need to be consistent as it's just naughtiness now! Taken about 40 minutes tonight and 3 stern visits to remind him it's bedtime! Still better than the 2 hours of rocking the chair that he sat in then having to attempt the dreaded transfer! 
Really looking forward to sharing your next chapter and hearing all your updates too!


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## Loki Girl

Can't believe it was exactly a year ago today our beautiful funny little princess came home for good. I can still remember that day so vividly just the whole weirdness of it all to be honest and not even believing it was our daughter sleeping upstairs!!! Oh boy has she changed our lives so much for the better, she has been hard work and we still have a few 'anxiety' issues but I am so proud of the little lady she is becoming. She has grown up so much and I laugh at her bossing her brothers about. Will have no problems when they start school I'm sure she will have them ready and out the door before so know what's happening lol. Although we knew big man was coming never in my wildest dreams did I think that when she came home in a years time we would be a family of 5. Love them all despite the constant demands and one day I'm sure I will look back and remember how crazy it all was with 3 under 3 lol.


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## Primmer

Loki - can't believe it's been a year, what a crazy but wonderful year it has been for you all. 


Our little man has been home with us 12 weeks and things still feel quite new but he is doing really well. He is 5.5 years old and has settled into school well. Still getting used to the constant noise and energy he has but it's been fun getting to know each other. We are seeing a therapist about some Controlling behaviour and about dealing with life story work and she is so helpful. We are meeting his foster carer tomorrow for the first time, she is lovely and he is excited about seeing her again so hopefully it will go well.


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## Tictoc

Loki - I was talking about you today to someone. We were at a family do and everyone was so interested in how I was doing with 2 so close in age. Anyway the father of my husbands friend said they have 3 all 1 year apart - he said it was great because they are all now early 30's and so close. I told him I knew someone with the same but they are all little and it must have been tough going for him when little - he agreed but said that was all forgotten! So one day you won't remember how hard it is now! 😆 I try to remember that myself when I have kids screaming at me! Hard to believe within 12 months you have gone from none to 3 - that would break most people!

Been a bit absent on here cos life is so hectic - we have the builders in trying to make some more space for us as the kids are taking over - right now we are squashing everything into a few rooms though which is fun.

Hope everyone is well. Becs - hope the sleeping is still going well.


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## becs40

Aw Loki, a year! It seems so much longer  . It will get easier as they get older until teenage years maybe!  

Primmer sounds like you're off to a great start. Those first few months are a whirlwind of learning everything and emotions!

Tictoc don't envy you going through the build bit with 2 littlies! We did our house before little man arrived and that was bad enough just the two of us, I can't imagine trying to do it now with him here!

I'm trying to get his birthday cake done at the moment but so busy just can't get into the right mood. I've expanded into doing a few fair trade toys on the website so have just placed my first order. It includes a couple of fab things for little mans birthday! I giant 3D wooden jigsaw elephant that is numbered 1-10, it's huge! And my mum and Dad have bought him the giant crocodile a-z one as well.


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## Helend75

Matching panel done successfully. Roll on intros on Monday - eeek


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## Tictoc

Congratulations Helen - great news!


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## Norma12

Fab news, congratulations xxxxx


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## Primmer

Helen - that's great news, congratulations


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## Tw1nk82

Congratulations Helen xx


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## Ozzycat

Can't wait to read urban intro updates, congratulations xxx


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## Tw1nk82

Just thought i would pop on and see how all you lovely ladies are doing. Nothing much really to report here. Paperwork has all been accepted at court so just waiting for a court date now. I am waiting for the nursery to let me know if there is a place for little man in september just for a few hours as I think it will help him so much having a little time away from mummy. I was hoping now that he has turned two that his speech would come on but still only a few words. Dont get me wrong if i ask him where something is in his books he knows everything so he is just having trouble with saying the words. Little lady is coming on now. She is commando crawling and rolling everywhere which is great. She will take steps forward when she holds both your hands xxxx


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## Ozzycat

Hey, just feeling a bit down and just wanted to get it off my chest, not looking for replies X
My amazing, gorgeous little girl is 19months old and been home nearly a year!!! 
I feel so unbelievably lucky and blessed to have such an amazing person in my life, the problem is I'm so broody which is making me so sad.
I spent yesterday with my friend who has a 3 week old and I couldn't even bring myself to hold her.
It feels like everyone around me is falling pregnant with their second bubbas and here's us having to wait another 18months b4 we can even start the adoption process again.
I love my little girl to the moon and back and have completely come to terms with what we went through as we now have our munchkin but it feels like that pain is starting to rear it's ugly head again and I really don't want it too x


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## Tictoc

why do you have to wait another 18 months? We adopted our daughter when she was 12 months, we started the process again 18 months later and by the time she had been with us 2 years we were just having our son placed - he was 9 months at placement and BM was pregnant so littlest was placed 6 months later at just over 2 months.

When we started again our original agency rejected us as they said daughter was too young etc etc. We knew we were ready so shopped around and found a great LA to work with - as second time adopters they saw us as less risky so that balanced out the fact that we could only be matched with such a young child.

When you are ready go for it. Obviously if you don't feel ready yet thats a different story.

For the first time in my married life I am no longer jealous of people around me being pregnant - with 4 kids that's plenty for me but I totally get the feelings. I seriously struggled with my sisters getting pregnant at the drop of a hat and I remember booing my eyes out at a wedding once because it dawned on me we might have a single child which wasn't what we dreamt off.


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## Ozzycat

Thanku for your message Tictoc, wow 4 bubbas u must be super mum!!!
Our current LA ask u to wait 2 years after the adoption order is granted but we're moving to a new LA who have asked us to wait till our bubba turns 3 before we apply.
And as for siblings,  bm has been sterilised after our munchkin so if a sibling comes along it will be from BD side but that's a long shot x


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## Helend75

Hello ladies - I survived intros & today is the day we pick the boy up & take him home for good. I've updated my diary with the details of the week but suffice to say we both now feel very ready to have him with us.


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## becs40

Aw Helen congrats! How exciting and terrifying eh? Good luck on your first night!

Ozzy sorry you're feeling like this, I hope you can find a way forward. 

All bobbing along nicely here, little man has just had his 2nd birthday. He's so unbelievably cute and funny, just want to cuddle him all the time! Luckily for me he's going through a real cuddle phase and keeps coming to me and asking for a cuddle which is fab. He's growing up too quickly though. He keeps saying "school" when we're out on our walks when he hears other kids. He's going to start preschool in September for a couple of mornings and I think he's going to love it. He's become so confident now, we went to our adoption stay and play the other day and he strode in like he owned the place and stopped and waved saying "hi" to everyone. Then yesterday at the park he tagged on to a group of bigger boys (about 9 years old) and was loving being with them and they were so lovely with him too. We've also just had our latest letter from bm and she's now working full time so looks to be doing well and sorting herself out which is great to hear.
So all in all life really is a bunch of roses at the moment!


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## Tictoc

Wow Becs - you actually get replies. I assumed we were just the same as everyone else when our contact letters are ignored.

Congrats Helen - the first night home of always so surreal - actually I think the first few weeks are. We're in the funny position where our longest intros out of 3 kids was a weekend so settling in has been quite hard - I hope yours goes smoothly but sounds like you are already building a relationship with him.


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## becs40

Tictoc only from bm. Nothing from BF or grandparents that we also write to. 
I actually really enjoy reading her letters, she goes in to the office for them to help her write them and I see the lady that helps quite often so hear how she's getting on. I'm really glad she's making so much effort to make something of her life now and just hope she continues with very limited family support. It's sad it's taken the loss of 4 children to get to that point but at least she's hopefully  learned from it and won't repeat the same mistakes again.


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## Forgetmenot

Hi all, so much to catch up on X it's lovely to hear about new families made and how all our little ones are in constant motion of change.  Intro updates make me tear up.... So surreal and full of awe and wonder.... What incredible journeys we've been on and still onward bound!!

Little man is doing so well, amazes me every day, one things mummy's not happy with is the way he's saying 'mum' already!!! Where's mummy mummy mummy!! Cheeky little fella.

Think of you all often xx


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## Tictoc

Becs - like you and I suppose most of us our BM has lost a number of children too - I really hope she can get herself on the right path one day soon also.

FMN - my daughter started calling me mum early on - I don't know when it stopped but she reverted back to mummy again. I think she just heard someone else using mum and thought she'd try it for a while - I hated it too


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## Loki Girl

Helen - glad intros went well and hope you are enjoying having your little boy home. As someone said its all very surreal. I remember the very first morning I woke up with our little girl and it was so surreal I didn't even know what to dress her in as we had never picked out her clothes before. Even tho the FC's taste wasn't our taste I ended up dressing her in the clothes they sent cus just couldn't put her in clothes I had bought. Silly but didn't last long lol. 

Ozzy - Hope you are feeling better. It's an awful feeling I know and even tho I totally have my hands full and don't want or need anymore I still find myself disappointed when my period comes!!!! I just couldn't imagine being pregnant with all we have so don't know why I feel like this every month. I think deep inside maybe we just all have that regret of not being pregnant no mater how much we love our little ones. 

FMN - lovely to hear from you. Was going to message you to see how you were getting on. Our little lady is now 2 1/2 and her language and speech is like a 5yr old and yes I get the Mom too. It sounds funny but yes I tell her I would like a few more years of being Mummy please lol. 

Littlest man is doing so much better and am really enjoying him now. Not saying I wasn't before but he was just so unsettled and seemed to cry all the time and I was so tired with dealing with all 3 under 2 1/2 don't think I was the best Mummy I could of been if it had just been him. I realise now it was all prob down to teeth. He will be 5mths soon and his 5th tooth has broken through with the 6th nearly down. He was backwards he got his 2 bottom, then his 2 top side ones and now one big top tooth through and nearly the other one. I joke he will have a mouth full of teeth before I start weaning him. Still not rolling over tho and has never slept through night lol. But he is a joy now, he laughs and giggles and has the biggest smiles for his brother and sister it's very cute. They are still really good with him which is great. 

Annoyed at my doctors tho. Had to make appointment to get little lady referred to physiotherapy as still not happy with her walking and pre school have picked up in it too. Anyways we took paperwork in to say names had changed and they were officially ours and thoughts no more till I went to make her an appointment and they said she is under her birth name. I asked why and they said cus they have to wait for letter from primary care services and they have been outsourced and things really slow. I explained they had new red books and new NHS numbers but apparently it doesn't matter. I told her my concerns were their names were flashed up electronically in the surgery and I didn't want them to be bcause I know birth grandparents use the surgery and her advice was move surgery!!!!!! I was like no because we like it there, we are all registered there and they have all my little ones history as little lady was there with foster carers. Woman turned round and said didn't matter!!! I said but it matters to me they know her history as she had a few seizures when she was tiny so like the fact they actually know her. So then she said well you will have to make the appointment under your name. I'm like that is fine but for how long do I have to keep explaining why I am making it in my name when the kids have been officially ours since March!!!! So flaming annoying.  They have birth certificates in their proper names and everything but stupid doctors can't change their name. It's a joke and they obviously are not there for children's safety concerns!!! Maybe it's just our doctors but we are going to have it for the considerable future cus of littlest man. Sooooo annoying when all you want to feel is they are ours - which they are!!!

Anyways sorry for rant lol. Becs can't believe your little guy turned 2!!! I remember you making his first birthday cake!!! Time is flying. 

Hope everyone else is doing ok xx


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## Tictoc

Loki - I can't believe you are still disappointed when you get your period! I am relieved. 4 is more than enough for me! So glad to hear all is going well and I'm sure he'll let you get some sleep when he is ready 😂 

We just moved baby out of our room because I was struggling to sleep with his heavy breathing. We are a bedroom down currently due to building works so this has meant my daughter has moved in with the older 2 boys which means she wakes the whole house at 7am every day! I know I shouldn't complain but I miss sleeping so so so much!


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## Loki Girl

Haha I know TicToc I don't know what goes on with me. I would die if I actually miraculously became pregnant lol. 

Gosh you are brave having all 3 in same room. I am dreading moving 2 of ours in together lol. Our daughter is in the bigger room and our middle son in the little room and baby with us. The 2 boys will obviously share at some point but don't think little lady at the moment will be ready to have a change of rooms so think eventually we will put eldest son in with her and then baby can have the little room. Eldest 2 quite often sleep same amount of time and little lady has now almost given up napping so no problem there but big man does like to sleep later then little lady does so that would cause issues but wouldn't be so bad. Baby is not really noisy but think we do disturb him when we go to bed and when we get up in morning so don't know how long it will last him being in with us. We have a family holiday soon to Norfolk. Those of you who know my story will remember my father in law has terminal cancer. 18mths ago he was given 6-12mths to live and has outlived that expectation. However the chemo stopped working after Xmas and they tried him with a new one and that's not working now so there is nothing else they can do. He seems to be deteriorating so we are having one holiday all together to build some memories. We will be staying in big house with enough rooms so we are going to try eldest 2 in together and baby in his own room and see how they get on. Not sure how little lady will manage as she has never slept in a bed before!!! Mite be in for some sleepless nights lol.


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## becs40

Loki I'd be absolutely fuming! That's absolutely disgraceful. I'd actually put in a formal complaint. Our surgery just needed to see his new birth certificate didn't have to wait for anything else. We didn't get a new red book either. Just endured the fun runaround trying to obtain the 2 year funding but think the amazing lady at the local children's centre has sorted it now hopefully!
Yep we've just done the 2nd birthday! How fast is time going, it's ridiculous. This was this years cake!


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## Loki Girl

Aww Becs that is fab. Well done you. Luckily an ex boss of mine who I am still very close too took up cake decorating when she retired so she's happy to do ours. Have to wait till Dec but imagining little lady will def be going for princesses this year lol. 

The whole doctors process seems odd to me. Think I might have a word with our health visitor who is absolutely brilliant but have a feeling it's just that surgery. Our health visitor did ours new red books, took all the info that we didn't need from birth mom out of it and made us new ones with all the info we did need so that was really good. 

We just rang up and got our little lady the funding. Her pre school gave us all the info. She absolutely loves it now and it's just so nice she now says kiss mummy then while I am signing her in she just runs in. She's growing up too fast!! We have put her down for 3 mornings in Sept. I'm sure your little fella will love it.  We still have some anxiety issues and am keeping an eye on it. At the moment it's cars on the road!!! We have some difficulties walking along the road to pre school as she is very anxious about the cars and needs a lot of reassurance they will stay on road and not come on the pavement. Any sort of loud noises she gets quite upset by so we have to repeat a lot of what it is to help reassure her. I am not convinced this is necessarily her being 2 and think it's something we need to keep an eye on and maybe she will need some help with it later. Hoping she will grow out of it as would hate her to be a child who worries about things. Sometimes just want to wrap her in cotton wool and protect her lol.


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## becs40

Aw bless her. Yep little man gets a bit anxious around crowded or noisy places. I tend to wear him in the carrier and I can feel him coming in close to me to protect him then feel him relax which is lovely. He's so ready for preschool bless him. He hears the kids going to and from school every day or in the playground and keeps saying "school" in a pathetic why can't I do that voice! 
The preschool said we'd need a number for them to claim the funding so said to apply on county council website. Applied on that stating it was because he was a previously looked after child and hit a reply back saying they can't see we're in receipt of any of the accepted benefits so we need to go to children's centre! She's now given me a reference number so hopefully that's us sorted now.


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## Helend75

Hello again
I am reading posts, but I am here to brag this morning!! First night lo got v upset having to go up to bed & we'd been warned this could be a trigger. We could have kicked ourselves as we felt we'd not prepped him at all. On the day visits to our house he had baths (also a potential trigger but that child does not need to be asked twice to go in the bath, he loves it!!), pyjamas, 90mins in the car & so was out into his FCs car sleeping. In the grand scheme it only took 40mins from first attempt to sleeping, and ended with him being rocked on my knee & actually pointing to the cot. When I asked if he wanted in, he nodded yes. The positive I took was that he instigated getting into bed (we'd had him play in his room after bath, stand in the bed looking at the animals on his bedding etc, and so we'd had the sense not to make the room a total Unknown). 
He slept from 7.25-6.35 first night. Second night he got upset again, following a bit more of a routine that OH & I had planned out, but quietened down in no time. Problem was I didn't want to put him down with eyes open & with hindsight think I probably could have done, so that was 8-7.45 (with a small session in the night where he was simply awake, but we knew because of video monitor. I could only think of those NSPCC ads where X has learned not to cry as nobody comes, so I went in, gave him a kiss & cuddle put him back to bed. OH went in a few mins later as we could see he wasn't yet asleep - did as I'd done & put his nightlight on & we watched until he went off.
Last night he went upstairs 'happily', and after kisses goodnight being given to him I put him in his cot. He immediately lay in his relaxed pose (hands behind head!) and took minutes to get to sleep, that was at 7.10 and it's now 6.35!
At 2.40 there was the tiniest whimper & as I tried to work out how to Unzoom the monitor which thanks to a flip around meant I could see only feet, he stood up. I went down, cuddle, kiss, see you in the morning and as he took more then 2mins to go back I sent oh to do the same as if he's looking for reassurance I think he needs it from both of us. He put the nightlight on & lo was asleep in no time! He did only get 8mins of a nap yesterday in the car & wasn't the best company that afternoon but he went to bed calmly which is worth its weight in gold & gave oh & I a calmer night.

We've had quite the 3 days & this morning will get our first sw visit (our sw this week, lo's ss next). He has gone from being King of his own castle where he was quite the showman to a quieter little fella. He says little on demand, but picks up a lot!! I must always start my sentences with 'right' as I'm getting that word thrown back at me! 

He's becoming better at receiving affection (though not consistently). He bumped his head on a door yesterday & allowed daddy to pick him up to give him a love & fell on the kitchen floor last night & allowed mummy to pick him up & comfort him. Other times he'll go rigid & scream no!! 

6.45am & he's asleep still! 

So, we were warned to expect hell on earth this week and bedtime has been our only stress (the not accepting affection is a concern obv, but they are a few moments within a long day - and we're trying out more tactile play without it being rough & tumble as it was at FCs. Eg daddy speaks into his tummy, blows on his feet and up his legs during nappy change - both acts get an 'again'. We also do what do the elephants/monkeys/lions kiss like which is something my mum just 'did' with my brother & I when we were small - daddy wins at this game as he does a dog and sniffs lo all over!


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## Forgetmenot

Loki that's shocking re the doctors.  Ours were great and after an initial duck up they just changed his name and have had nothing but admiration for us lol!!  We're like we've only adopted... And he's lovely! But they go out of their way to reassure us and talk through what to look for..... I went through a neurotic new mum phase, dh and I have had several episodes where he's been up at the doctors twice in one day for a temperature lol!!

I would I ask to see the practice manager.  If they have a new nhs number they know, end off!!  Our hv went through it all the other week with us as I was worried all his details would be in his records (know nurses on children's ward etc) panicking, as we have a back story for him, so didn't want it evident! But they would now have to search for his info and like we've always had him. Random!

Anyway.... Still can't believe you have three little monkeys!!

Becs that cake is amazing!!  I did pengy Quinn for his first.  I love novelty cakes and special you made it.... Very clever and that he's TWO.  Our babies are growing up way too quick!!

Hel lovely to read your excitement and amazement at becoming a mummy.  Takes me back.  Always get emotional thinking of those early days.  They are the best! Savour every minute as it flashes by in the blink of an eye.  Huge congratulations xx

Twink love reading your news.  Mummy hood is great! We are waiting for a place at nursery so over subscribed by us, wish I had done it sooner! He has a gaurnteed place for May NExT year, hoping it comes down now, as want him to go in Jan if not before, he's ready xx

Ozzy, we are like you..... Desperate for a brother or sister.  Lo is so ready.  And we are not allowed to apply until he's three.  If it was as quick next time (apparently it was, though felt an eternity).... It's another 16 month process.  Lo would be going to school and another 3 or so years, all baby stuff long gone, and not sure we would want to start all over.  I would be long back at work, hoelfully enjoying a new career/job..... And I don't want a massive gap! Feel a bit duped as like you our bp not likely to have more, so stuffed.  I can't fathom this sibling thing.... I get biological good to keep together, so age gap doesn't matter, yet some evidence states they shouldn't go together always depending on early trauma, and any new child would be a sibling, so does it matter biological or not, if close in age.... A biological or non bio sibling would struggle the same.... They don't know any different, if that makes sense.  Frustrates me.  Had lots of tears this week!!

Feel bad as in love with my little boy and love the bones off him..... But I want him to have someone else other than dh and I and don't think we are going to be able to do it for him and it makes me really sad 

Tictoc glad it's a phase.... He sounds such a big boy saying mum!! Love it non the less though mummy gets my heart!! You sounds like you have a mad house.

Wanting for the little bear to wake..... And start the day xxx


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## Forgetmenot

Well today's the day we celebrated our one year meet of our little boy!
I can still remember the rush of raw emotion when we walked in to FC house..... And she said hello mummy and placed our little boy in my arms.  I promptly cried!
Never thought I would.... and still cry often thinking of that moment when all my dreams were realised.  I know we will have tough times ahead but he is worth every treatment, every disappointment and any wait.... Damn cliches, but he was waiting for us, for some reason I was destined to be his mummy, and I couldn't be prouder xxx

Just had to splurge!! Happy weekend everyone xx


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## Ozzycat

Love ur post FMN so happy for you  😍💕💕💕💕


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## Forgetmenot

More tears!!  (Damn wine!!) xx


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## Loki Girl

Aww FMN it's amazing to think a year has passed isn't it? When I look back to pics of our little girl this time last year she was just a baby really and now she's this wonderful, chatty, intelligent, princess loving little girl whom I love sooo much I just couldn't be without her. It's hard to think her younger brother is now the same age as when we got her!!! 

We are going to our yearly summer fayre for our council's adopted children. It's called the Wey Hey Day. We went last year when we had only had our little girl a couple of weeks and now here we are again with 2 brothers in tow. I don't think I would ever of dreamed this is where I would be a year later although obviously we knew one brother would be coming soon lol. Just hope we now don't find out she is pregnant again lol!!


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## Forgetmenot

Oh Loki no!! Could you imagine! You have such an amazing little family xx

Sounds like the festival is lovely.  We didn't go to our picnic last year as only had him a week, but going to ours next week... Eeek!

I feel sad our lo is not likely to have a sibling.  We met to see when we could and have to wait until he is three, I get it but it's so frustrating.... You'd have to train and then get approved and then the dreaded wait lol!!

I guess if it's meant to be something will happen.  We don't think our bps are likely to produce more, not that it's a baby factory, but you know what I mean!! Xx


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## becs40

Aw FMN such lovely words. I know the sadness you feel too regarding a sibling. We bumble along nicely then went to stay with my brother for the weekend and little man adored his bigger cousin (11) and was like his little shadow and the guilt hit me then. He has 2 older siblings and yet here he is as an only child when his life would have been so different with siblings. 
We've also just had our first proper poorly too yesterday, he had such a high temp, he'd barely slept the night before so was tired and poorly yesterday. Barely ate or drank anything and didn't touch a single toy. He was so sweet after a little breakfast. I'd left him on the sofa with CBeebies whilst I sorted the breakfast things. I was putting the remains of his in the bin when he walked past and waved "bye bye mummy". Promptly went through the open stairgate and started going upstairs saying bed. I asked if he wanted a sleep and he said night night mummy and carried on going up. I went up with him and he decided he wanted to sleep on our bed so he did for 3 hours! Thankfully he's much better this am so fingers crossed it stays that way.


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## Loki Girl

Aww Becs sorry your little man is poorly. Hope he's on the mend soon. My big man is teething and has a hacking cough so he's not sleeping well and wants to be up all the time. No mean feat when u are juggling two others as well lol. Keeping him dosed up with Calpol, Ibuprofen and cough medicine lol. Just hoping he's better by time we go away on Friday. Looking forward to it but just praying the kids are ok. First time little lady will sleep in a big bed in a strange room and the boys are going to have to sleep in travel cots. I'm thinking I will be getting less sleep than I normally do lol. But hopefully weather will hold and we can wear them out with their cousins on the beach. 

FMN - don't be so down on a bigger age gap. Trust me you wouldn't want the age gap of my 3 lol. Whereas hoping they will be close later on and it will be easier siblings with a few years between them has loads of benefits. Think what a great big brother your little man would be at 4 or 5. He could really help out and would be in school giving you time with the little one. The downside like you say is going through the process again and having to factor in your little man but it can be done. Enjoy him for a couple of years then make enquiring again or do as TicToc suggested and maybe approach some different LA's and get their feel on things. I am sure we would be in same boat if we had just had our little lady. She was such hard work in the beginning but now she's just the best thing ever and whereas she is not so good with big man she is super good and patient with littlest man - tho he can't get into her stuff yet lol. I think now we would be like oh we really want another one cus she is so good. Big man not so good and we thought he was going to be the whatever one hahaha. He is like a bull in a china shop, barrels his way through life with very little care, is sociable and makes friends easily unlike little lady. 

So my concerns now are littlest man at 5 1/2mths not rolling over yet. He goes so far but won't go all the way unless I help him and absolutely hates tummy time. Means I don't put him on his front as much as I should cus really have enough going on without making him cry lol. He loves sitting on your lap so try and do that a lot as the back of his head is still really flat so paranoid about that. We will prob start weaning after our holiday when he will be nearly 6mths so pleased I have held out. Hoping that then we can get in a better routine for feeding and he might actually start going longer than 3hrs through the night without wanting a bottle!! We could live in hope but prob kidding myself. All these babies sleeping through from 8 weeks and here we are at nearly 6mths and we are still awake at 10, 2 and 5!!! He's been napping less than an hour through the whole day and big man not napping well and getting up early cus he's poorly so Mummy has been pretty exhausted lol. One day we will get there hahahaha. 

Have a good weekend ladies xx


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## Forgetmenot

Thanks LG!
Just upsetting.  Feel like being restricted again! But hey.... We can fight the system, it's just a shame as by then we will be back at work etc, and not sure will want to give it all up again, well maybe!!!
Loving not working 
I am enjoying my lb.... He's a joy (generally!!), would love him to have a buddy in a year or so! Xx


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## DRocks

It's been a whirlwind week of many emotions, but thought you lot might like to know our time has come.
All being well in two weeks we will be bringing home a three week old baby girl


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## Tw1nk82

Thats fantastic news disney. So happy for you xxx


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## Ozzycat

OMG that's so amazing... It was always meant to be 👪💕🎉


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## ciacox

Wow! !! Congratulations - have been thinking of you and hoping xxxx


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## alig1972

Hi 

Congratulations Disney that is fantastic news! 
We now have a potential match with twin girls..! We have a visit to our home on 17th August by their social worker. Not sure if it is a competitive match but would assume so, so fingers crossed we can sell ourselves. It has been a long road but finally the happy ending is in sight.   

Ali x


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## Forgetmenot

What what what! Amazing news..... A teeny weeny one!
So pleased for you..... Your own little family to love and to cherish!
Just the best news xx


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## Forgetmenot

Ali, fingers crossed lovely x


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## Helend75

Disney that's lovely news, you must be super-excited. Enjoy!


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## ciacox

Alig - twins!!! Keeping everything crossed for you.


Hope everyone is doing great okay. 6 months yesterday since we met our little guy. Seems like it's gone so quickly. Things are just lovely in general, but we've had a really hard week. My partner had to be away for 2 weeks for work, which Cub managed pretty well. Actually, I think he seemed okay but was struggling internally and it's all coming out since his dad came back. Lots of big cries, v clingy to dad, sometimes outright pushing me away. So hard to see him like this. We're both trying to be the rocks he needs and hoping we can come out the other side soon. Good reminder that our children have a lot bubbling under the surface at times. 

AoC are you still on this thread. Was thinking about you and wondering how bug and monkey are doing.

I've been reading with interest peoples' thoughts and experiences of going for number 2. A question we have been gently percolating for the longterm. Our LA won't start assessment until 1 year post adoption order (which we're still awaiting) so nice that we can put it off for a while.


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## DRocks

Fingers crossed Ali, twins eeeek how old are they?
Don't worry if it's competitive just be yourselves xxx

We are super nervous/excited/emotional. Can't believe this truly might be happening.
Lots of prep being done as we kind of need to be ready.


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## Loki Girl

Oh wow such exciting news. So happy for you both Disney and Alig. Enjoy getting ready!!!

Well our eldest little lady has come down with chicken pox!!!! No idea where she has picked it up from since she finished pre school ages ago. We go to another group so assuming it's from there. We rang 111 and they sent us to an out of ours clinic just to get correct diagnosis but yup chicken pox lol. She has a lot of spots on her face but not so many on her body yet. Luckily she's not too itchy yet just behind her ears. Have to say I am not looking forward to the being stuck at home with 3 kids!!! We never stay in so think we will be off for lots of walks if the weather holds or visiting grandma and grandad lol. I guess there is a high probability the other 2 will be next lol just hope they don't get it right when we can go back out again and then get stuck in again lol. 

Apart from that we are good. No word from courts yet. SW had to make a few amendments and our new SW for our littlest is on holiday and won't be back till 9th so have to wait till then for the amendments to go in. Our SW thinks we are looking at Sept now which we always thought would be about then. Considering this was supposed to be a quick process since we took little man in on foster 2 adopt at 6 days old he is going to be 9mths before it all gets official lol so don't think it's been any quicker. Oh well hopefully not long now before they are all officially ours!!


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## Tictoc

Congrats Disney, alig - good luck but as others say just be yourself and try to relax (easy to say eh!). Disney - assume that yours is coming on fta? Our youngest came at 11 weeks on fta and we got PO at 5 months old.

Loki - I don't envy you having chicken pox - we don't know if our AD ever had chicken pox but the 2 youngest definetly haven't and I have been seriously considering getting them vaccinated against it. Does anyone know anything about it? Cost? Any reasons not to do it? A lot of countries do vaccinate against so not sure why uk doesn't other than the cost.


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## Tw1nk82

It is official our babies are ours. Adoption order granted xx


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## Ozzycat

Yeahy that's fab news xxx


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## becs40

Aw congrats Twink! Such a momentous occasion! It was a year yesterday that we had our celebration party! The time is flying by. Enjoy celebrating and enjoy the lack of social workers!


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## Loki Girl

Congrats again Tw1nk. Such an amazing feeling isn't it? We finally have court date for littlest man for early Sept. Sounds like there is no contesting from the birth parents this time so we should be home and dry. Because of littlest man we have had over 2yrs of social workers so as much as we have got on with all our social workers just to be able to know they are finally all ours and there will be no more visits or reviews will be fab. Having said that our social worker has asked us to be part of the adopters team who speak to potential adopters on their prep course so as long as we can find babysitters we have said we would be happy too. Of course with my main source of support going off abroad for 6months we actually don't have any babysitters so prob won't be able to do it anyways unless hubby takes half day off work for it and one of us does it. We will be able to do the end of Sept one for them. So we will still be involved just not have to worry about visits etc lol. 

Time is def flying Becs. This time last year we were preparing to bring our big man home for good. He is now the same age as little lady was when he came home. Scary that littlest man is now wearing the same clothes that we had saved from big man!!!! He's also a big boy and almost in 9-12mths!! He is 6 1/2 months now, has 7 teeth in has finally started rolling over and is generally much more settled. It has taken him a while!!! He is still up twice in the night and we just can't seem to stop that no matter what we try so I am still permanently exhausted from not getting more than a 3hr block of sleep at a time but have to admit when I am sitting in his room feeding him and he just watches me with his big blue eyes and grips my finger tightly I can remind myself how worth it is all is. Then the day comes and the other 2 get up and all hell breaks loose hahaha. Big man is 20 months now and def asserting himself at mo, he says no to everything!!!! Won't co operate in doing anything so it's hard work. Little lady is 2yrs 8mths and has really settled down so now just got to get all the habits he has learnt from her gone then hopefully littlest man won't be old enough to copy his big brother lol. All fun and games. Little lady has just gone through chicken pox and now she is better have started toilet training. It's a slow process cus we are out so much lol and when at home big man keeps running off with potty!!! Our best shot is when boys in bed in afternoon as she doesn't nap anymore. No success yet but we will persevere lol.


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## becs40

Aw Loki it's so lovely to read your updates on all your chaos! True family life! I'm permanently exhausted from broken/little sleep and 1 non stop toddler so I genuinely have absolutely no idea how you do it.
Our support network might as well bugger off for 6 months too for all the use my mum is! They still haven't had little man for even a day let alone an overnight. They've never taken him anywhere by themselves. It peeves and upsets me in equal measures when they were the other extreme with my nephews. It's not because she doesn't love him and adore him because she does, it's just she's a really selfish person I'm finally working out. 
I've got a really big event this Saturday with the business that was booked months ago, she said she wanted to do it with me (aka didn't want to look after little man whilst dh helped me instead!) so thought well she'd have him for an hour whilst dh and I set it all up as have gazebo, table, clothes rails etc to transport and set up then dh could go back to little man and shed help me on the stand. She told me last week they're now away this weekend so won't be around at all. So now dh has to help set everything up whilst little man tantrumises about being stuck in the buggy because he can't just run around the city centre whilst we're busy trying to sort it.
Have a friend coming to help on the stand for 2 of the 6 hours so not on my own but she can't get their until it starts.
She rushes to buy everything for him it's so odd, couldn't wait to buy a cot to have over there so he could stay over- but that transpired to be only when we also stay so she doesn't have to get out of bed before my dad gives her the usual breakfast in bed at 9am! Now rushed to buy a bed guard so he can stay over but had no intention of offering to have him. 
I'm so desperate for even a day away from everything but don't want to do that by myself would love to spend some quality time with dh but it's not going to happen.


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## Thepinklady

Oh becs I feel for you. Have you no close friends that you could begin to develop a closer relationship between them and the little man so that in time they can become your support network and let you out for the odd evening or day. When we had lo my parents were the only ones approved to look after her due to fostering capacity but we were lucky and had a lot of family who were waiting in the wings to do their bit. We needed my mum very rarely but it was good to know she was an option. Long term I know we would also have two very close friends who I intend to use for sitter support who I know would be more Than happy to help. My dh and I are sitter support for two close friends and I know it is invaluable. I hope things improve for you. How is the business going for you?


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## becs40

Hi pinklady, no friends close or otherwise. Friends have always been through work as always worked further away from home so never met local friends. Once I stopped work that all kind of disappeared. I have met another mum in the village and we chat and get on ok but she has twins that are 6 months younger than little man so has plenty on her own plate. It also feels odd as just assume that when your in you 40's everyone already has their friend groups so don't feel able to kind of rock up saying "hi I'm Billy no mates you've probably got tons of friends but do you need another one?"
Dh has a friend with 2 lo's and we see them every now and then but she's a lot younger than me and again has met all her mummy friends through anti natal and baby groups. I see her post pictures of their days out together as a big group and feel sad that little man is missing out on all that.
Blimey I sound a right sad case! It's always been that way though through school and onwards. We do have friends that we see but not proper friends as such more social friends.
Business is good, I'm enjoying it. It's done better than my parents expected it to which is really nice. They have their own business, well it was my mums then my dad went into and my brother for a bit. I was the only one that didn't and I was always seen as someone who knew nothing because I just turned up at work did a really easy job (their perception) and went home at the end of the day.
It's genuinely shocked them that I've managed to build my own website, successfully buy and choose stock and am doing pretty well at it. It won't ever make a fortune because you'd need so much stock to turnover but it's ticking over and it's giving me new skills for the future.
We've just branched into toys so are doing a giveaway of a beautiful Noah's ark at the mo on ******** and the company that make them rang me yesterday to say how impressed they were with it so that's always nice to hear.
Anyway I sound really depressive at the mo but I'm not. Little man is quite literally the light of my life and brings such incredible joy everyday but we've just got ourselves into a bit of a mundane rut on the day to day so I need to do something about that. People aren't just going to come knocking it's up to me to find a way of meeting them.


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## Loki Girl

Aww Becs. It's hard isn't it? It's something we bought up with our adoption team. Why can't numbers be swapped or a website set up for people who have adopted and could meet up. We have twice annual things in a summer fayre and a Xmas fayre and u do chat to people but then nothing further. Obviously if u get pregnant u meet your set of friends through antenatal etc. They also tried to set up a toddler playgroup but no one turned up and it's a bit awkward with my 3 rebels going wild and yourself and 2 social workers so we didn't go again but apparently they did have more people to the last one. DH said he would go with me to next one so hopefully there will be more there. My one good friend has a 5yr old but we only meet in holidays due to her living 45mins away. We are also lucky to have a 3yr old niece so the girls love seeing each other but again they live an hour away and it's funny how they can never make the effort to come over to me they always say oh come to mine. Not that easy with 3 little ones juggling feeds and naps and just the amount of stuff I have to pack to take them out!! I Don't mind occasionally but not everytime lol. The kids adore my parents and we are so lucky to see them upto 3 times a week. They also have little man one afternoon a week to give me a break and will always have kids if I need to pop out. Losing them for 6mths is going to be hard and not sure they realise the impact it will have on kids. Little lady loves her routine and she knows when we go to House of Fraser it's to have lunch with Grandma and Grandad. It's going to be hard explaining no not anymore!! DH's parents are not so great. They constantly compare my little girl and niece and it's really annoying. Raising an only birth child is a bit different to having 3 and little lady having to adjust to us and then having 2 new brothers all in space of a year!! My potty training is being really slow but just have to do it when I can but then I have comments about how surprised they are I haven't got it sorted (she's only 2 1/2!!) and my niece took this long blah blah. Yes if I just had my little lady I'm sure we would stay in and have it done in a week not so easy with a 20mth old and 6mth old as well. It's always about them. I know it's hard my FIL is not doing well and we don't expect him to last much longer which is awful but the kids don't have the relationship with them cus they won't have us over bcause they are noisy and he can't cope and they won't come to us so we haven't seen them since holiday. The holiday was a nightmare. No one offered to help us at all. I was up from 5 and dealing with all kids. They wouldn't let my niece up so they could sleep in. My mother in law put my niece to bed but wouldn't do our 3 (which I know is a lot!!) but then my sister and brother in law would just go ok we are going out for a drink not waiting for us to sort ours and asking if we wanted to go. They just got up and went to the beach one morning - 3 adults with 3 and 9yr old and never asked if they could take one of ours to help us out so DH had to struggle with them both to beach on own cus little man was sleeping. They were really rude and selfish and it really annoyed me. 

Anyways should prob stop going on as well lol. Glad the business is doing well. Just can't believe your parents not helping out more. It's such a shame. Wish I lived closer I would take him for the afternoon with my crazy lot to give u a break. Maybe when he is pre school u will meet some mums? We haven't cus you tend to drop off and pick up and when they organised a night out they went for curry and I absolutely hate everything about curry so couldn't go. Don't know why everyone goes for flamin curry


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## Thepinklady

Oh Loki and becs I do think one of the sad aspects of these forums is the the fact that people who could in theory become our best most supportive friends come from wide and far throughout the uk and possibly beyond. I think LA's need to do more to encourage support networks to be developed among local adopters and fosters. Are their any local adoption uk support groups? Where we are there are some very active local support groups through adoption uk and they will also try and put people in touch with others who are in a similar situation.

There is also another organisation called Home for Good which is a Christian organisation which encourages churches to promote adoption and fostering and also supports and encourages local adopters and foster carers. I have a few links with that organisation and if either of you wanted me to investigate if there were supporters in your area who could put you in touch with others pm me.

Hugs to you both, I wish we were all very local. Loki I really admire you with three and very little external support. I often read your posts and think I am not sure I could do three so close in age and I have a fantastic support network and could in theory have someone different everyday helping me out. So all I can say is wow! You must be some lady!


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## Tw1nk82

Becs im so sorry to hear that your parents are being like that. My Mum is my rock and dont know what i would do without her. She has been on holiday for 3 weeks and i have found it so hard running after these two. My dh Mum is completely different. Havent seen her for two months. Her other two grandkids she sees all the time and buys them gifts all the time and my two get nothing. She definitely doesnt treat them as her own. But its simple she is the one missing out on these fantastic children. It really is hard making friends. I have just got friendly with another adoptive mother at playgroup which has been a great help for us to talk adoptive stuff that no one else understands. On a positive note becs im glad the business is doing well. Well done xx

Loki i think you are doing amazing with your 3 babies xxx

Little man has been going to nursery for a couple of hours a week for his settling in sessions before September. He has been loving it. It has been nice just for me and little lady to have some one to one time. Adoption order paperwork came through today. Just waiting for the celebration hearing date and the birth certificate to come through now. Do i need to go to the doctors and change their names or does this happen automatically? Xxx


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## Loki Girl

Tw1nk we had to go and take in the paperwork from the court to say they had been officially adopted. Our health visitor took care of their new red books and transferred all the relevant info into new books for us. She also organised new NHS numbers for them. Our doctors were a bit of a pain and wouldn't change their names until they had had a letter from somewhere but we have that sorted now. Our daughter had been referred to physiotherapy just to help her with the fact she still runs everywhere on tip toes and isn't very fluid. When we phoned about her appointment the doctors should of changed her name and given them her new NHS number but they hadn't bothered so we had to do it all. I suppose we will go through same palava with big man. 

I don't know what I will do without my parents for 6mths. Literally dreading it. These are heir first grandchildren so they are besotted which is lovely and like you the inlaws have grandchildren and do everything for them but won't help out with ours. They literally just give them money and they wouldn't give us that u til they had actually seen their new birth certificates!!! You are right tho they are the ones missing out. Every year she treats the grandkids to the Santa special on the Severn valley railway. We went last year and it was lovely. This year they want to do it first weekend of Dec but that's the week of both our eldest birthdays. I explained I didn't want to do Christmas and birthdays the same weekend. I want them to enjoy their birthdays instead of being surrounded by the hype of Christmas as well. The in laws were like well can't we do birthdays on Sat and Santa on Sun - I'm like nooooooooo please understand!!! They just don't get it and it annoys me. They then decide they want to get the 11.45 train. I'm like come on I have toddlers who need to eat at lunch time and then have a nap. By the time we had done train and had lunch I would have very tired and tantruming toddlers on my hands but they just think I'm being fussy. I'm like well no you don't deal with them we have to do so let's put the younger ones first shall we!!! Gotta love families lol. 

Pink lady thanks for your thoughts. We are actually ok. We are in a routine, we go out in morning to play groups and soft play and then the boys sleep in afternoon so little lady and I have some time. DH and I will then split up on weekends and take a couple of them off shopping etc. Would just be nice like you say Tw1nk to have an adoptive parent to chat to. Thanks very much. I am only human and sometimes I do turn into shouty mum lol. Having a difficult time with big man at mo who is into shouting no at the top of his lungs and basically making everything difficult. He winds big lady up all the time and when the baby is screaming for a bottle or he is tired and I can't give him the time he needs it's really frustrating. But on the whole we do ok. I find the lack of sleep the worst cus just can't get littlest man to sleep through the night lol. Keep thinking when they are 5,6 and 7 it will be so much easier but then I think nooo you are wishing their lives away lol and I want to cherish every moment not be shouty so I really try and be calm and not let the tiredness overwhelm me. We have lots of Costa's


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## Helend75

Hello all. I've been reading as and when and enjoying the updates but largely adjusting to life with 'best boy' (I've been telling him he's mummy & daddys best boy & that we love him lots & lots & he now refers to himself as 'best boy, lots lots! Which is funny, and not the worst message for him to have from a young age). 
Interesting read about grandparents. After BB was with us for a month we ventured to my parents house & broke the afternoon up with a trip to a local pool which has all sorts of permanent play equipment in it - BB LOVES it, and usually I can get another family member to come along which helps as I need eyes in the back of my head & he's getting to know family too. It's a 70min drive to my parents and so if I go before lunch he'll nap & also after tea I do bath & pjs there & he sleeps on the way home so can be easily placed in bed. This is now a weekly thing  which has been fab. My parents get to spend time with him, i get to sit back & have my lunch & tea made for me. Their other grandchildren are girls aged 9 & 11. Mum is pleased to see he likes a Victoria sponge & dad always comments on how good he is with his coordination (using a spoon - when he chooses - and playing duplo etc). I go there on a day when OH plays football on an evening which means he can have tea & get ready without worrying about bath, bedtime stories etc. BB has now been with us almost 7 weeks so long term, I'm hoping I can get my eyebrows waxed or hair done & he'll be happy with mum & dad rather than having such appointments eat into our weekends so OH can have him. His 2 cousins adore him - but can't keep their distance. I've explained he knows where they are & if he doesn't ask them to join him then to let him go off on his own. They're getting better, though still need a reminder that sometimes when he goes off on his own it's just to have some peace to do a poo!!
OH's parents have skyped him 3 times. His mother won't leave the house (literally, she's not gone to a shop, always been wearing blue sweat shirt & black leggings every time I've visited, she's given up utterly on life & everyone around her suffers. You'd have thought being told her son had cancer may have been the kick up the ass required, but no - you may detect that I have no sympathy) & are a 3hr drive away so were unwilling to travel there. To be honest I will always be unwilling as the house has been smoked in for 30yrs & although his mother smokes in another area of the house when I visit, the smell is so ingrained into the furniture.
BB is sociable, thrives on company - makes a beeline for males. I picked my mum up from a wake after swimming the other day & lets just say it was like the party hadn't started until BB rocked up... He identified the tiny stage in the corner (where the disco guy might set up were it a different kind of a function), and BB indicated to it saying 'dance', so he was given help and danced away to himself... 
He growled a lot on placement and would hit his head with his hands if frustrated, but rarely does so now. He occasionally gets in a paddy when he falls, but is now accepting of & will sometimes even request a kiss better. Initially we picked him up against his will & told him it was mummy/daddys job to kiss him better so this is a big step. He loves physical contact, and on waking or before bed will lift mine or OH's shirt up saying 'body on' and likes to lie on our skin. In the last week he has actively sought out 'cuddles' too. I'm so massively proud of the progress he's making.
We go out the house morning & afternoon and to be honest he gets wildly excited about walking to our nearest main road to wave at buses/tractors/motor bikes etc... Quite how willing I'll be when the weather changes I don't know. I've been meeting friends for picnics and he is usually the only child so revels in the attention. In his growly days we were on edge with his behaviour around other children. He likes the idea of being with other kids (the reality of turn taking & sharing though isn't always so appealing!!) & I've got his name down for a toddler group from September so as to mix more with other little ones.

In other news, you may remember that for this match we were set up competitively against a couple who we knew from our prep course, the woman took to our private adopters group to vent her anger/disappointment at the time, I had said to OH that we ought to 'fess up when things maybe weren't so raw for her. As it happens she was then matched & her little boy was placed days before BB was placed with us. 
Our LA does have monthly stay & play sessions for adopters and the last one took place 2 weeks after lo placement. We went, but as stated he was growly & we were wary of behaviour around other los so although OH & I were there we were 2 weeks in and on high alert! Anyway, I messaged her after the event to say that she may have recognised our lb, that it had been difficult to say anything any earlier, and that maybe the sws had something when they said that the right child for each couple would come along & so I wished her & her family well - this was 5 weeks ago. The response I got at the time was fairly pleasant. 
Yesterday however I received a lengthy message which I found to be wholly unnecessary. That if she is to see me at adoption events she needs me to understand that she wishes I'd have admitted earlier that we were the couple chosen for lo - that I can accept & take on the chin. That the message went on to say how much they'd invested in our son having had his CPR for a month, how much they felt he bore a physical resemblance etc I didn't feel was necessary and I didn't see what that gains other than to make me feel guilty. It also said that though we are not blamed, they do resent what the placing LA & their own sw put them through though haven't YET made a complaint.
I rang our sw to report how uncomfortable this made me feel, but importantly to say that they've actually had a child with them for the past 7 weeks & as annoyed that she was taken by surprise (& felt subsequently embarrassed) that I'd like to think had it turned out the other way around, that it would now be water under the bridge? She said the fact I'd not said anything prior to the play thing explained my coldness at the event! 

After speaking with sw (who was to speak to her sw) I replied to acknowledge that she could have been told earlier (though our sw was very much of the view that we had/have a right to privacy) & I could accept that had put her in an awkward position, but also said that at the end of our initial sw visit we were reminded that if we were unsuccessful we likely would bump into the child in the future if/when placed in this LA & that we had to respect the confidentiality of the child.
So, Monday is stay & play. I will go as it's important for lo to know other los with similar stories & I've done nothing to feel guilty about!


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## becs40

Hi guys, I'm back and probably in a better frame of mind!  
I'm determined to make more effort with the people I do know and put myself out there! How do I know that these mums are not exactly like me with no real mummy friends for whatever reason.mwe shouldn't assume.
I actually had a really lovely day yesterday because a friend (next door neighbour from the age of 7-27) came up with her 2 girls. They live about an hour away so we don't see each other often at all now and her girls are older 8 and 5 but we all had such a lovely day. The girls adored little man and he them and it was just a really relaxing day catching up.
We have an adoption stay and play once a month which we normally get to but the numbers are very low. Usually only about 4 of us. It's also at 12.45-2.30 so basically little mans nap time which is a total pain as we suffer the change in routine. So with it always just being 4 of us and the same 4 I'm less inclined to think we're getting anything from it.
There is a couple that was on one of our prep days and they have a little girl who's a few weeks younger than little man and they've just moved into the same village so I will try to make an effort there as that would be nice for both of them. 

Helen sounds like bb is really settling well. I can not believe the response from the other adopter! That's appalling! At the end of the day it is nothing to do with you, the decision is made by sw's who decide what's best for each child and couple. I'd also find it very upsetting that she clearly feels this strongly still despite having subsequently been matched with their own child, you would have hoped that in itself would have backed up the decision that their son was the right child for them and not your son.


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## ciacox

Hey lovelies

Becs, I feel for you with the building friendships stuff. I've found it tough too. What's worked best for me has been finding people who are new to the area so I know they'll need friends!

Helen - so lovely to read your updates. BB sounds like he's doing just great. 

Things are good with us. My partner went away for 2 weeks at the beginning of July and Cub had quite a wobble when he came back. Majorly clingy to Daddy, rejecting me and altogether not himself. It was kind of scary and I worried that we would never get back on an even keel again. Progress was slow but I'm almost confident to say we are through it now. 

BPs are contesting the adoption order which is disappointing, especially as we'd been told they'd said they wouldn't. Not sure yet when the hearing is but really hope this doesn't drag out too long. I know the stats and I know not to worry but of course I am. LO's SW also told us that BM is pregnant... She is no longer with BF so it's a different guy. BF was a major reason Cub was taken into care so there's good reason to think she will be able to look after this baby. But the news sent me into a bit of a spin. I feel awful to say it, but I feel a glimmer of hope that this could be an addition to our family. I feel guilty because that feels like wanting someone else's child. And I really really don't want BM to go through that again. But if she did... I guess you guys will understand all my conflicting emotions about that. Has anyone been in a similar situation? I'm not sure why SW told us (or why she told SW!) as she's only in the early stages of pregnancy. I guess they will automatically assess her and new partner since she's already had a child who she couldn't look after. Would that happen while she's pregnant or afterwards? And how much information we will be given, if any? I can see 2 years of 'what ifs' ahead of me, with no access to information at all. Need to find a way to put the whole idea into a box which I will only open if we get a call... My partner was totally non plussed by the news. He has this knack of only worrying about things when he needs to. Great for him, but tough because I know he doesn't really want to talk about it. Perhaps for the best! Whatever happens, if she carries the pregnancy this will be a birth sibling for Cub which he would like to know about, so I hope we at least find out if the baby is born.


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## Loki Girl

Ciacox you should be told what is happening with new baby as it will be sibling for your little cub. We were told when BM was about 5mths pregnant but that was only because we had only just bought little lady home and we're just ready to bring big man home. They told us about 2 weeks after big man had been with us. Our SW were really good and kept us upto date with all the pregnancy details as much as they knew. Like you it was a different father (all the kids have different fathers) so where's they knew nothing had changed with BM dad obviously had to be assessed. The risk will be if they know nothing has changed for BM and decide to go to remove at birth you will then be like we were in that do you risk F2A if they allow you and pray there is nothing on BF's side or risk he has any family that would take baby. This was our biggest worry. They knew from day one our BD would not be allowed to keep baby as he had some serious convictions and lived with a woman who had also had kids removed. The risk was did he have family. We knew there was no one on BM's side even tho she put forward a school friend sh had only just met up with after not seeing her since they had left school!!! We nearly pulled out when BD said his brother had adopted his other child but no one could find any record of it so that was dismissed so as you know we then took the risk. Every council works differently so you will just have to keep an open mind but the lure of that new born is very appealing as I well know!!! 

Helen I think I forgot to say so wonderful to read your post. Your little boy sounds like he has settled in wonderfully. Enjoy xx

We are having a rough time as 2 weeks after little lady littlest man has come down with chicken pox. He is soooooo poorly it's horrible. Little lady didn't have it too bad, mostly spots on head and round neck hardly any on back or tummy but poor littlest man is covered. He has had horrible fever and we were up all night with him 2 nights ago. Thankfully last night he slept well but he has been quite miserable and sleepy today. It's so difficult with the other 2. DH came him from work yesterday to take other 2 out so I could catch up on some sleep as had been up every hour in the night and had to enlist my parents help today. He just doesn't want to be put down so with 2 demanding toddlers who are constantly vying for my attention anyways it was twice as hard. Calpol is keeping temp at bay at mo so just hoping maybe after tomorrow he will be over the worst of it. We are so surprised that big man hadn't had it yet as him and his sister are always together or rough housing etc. I suspect in another 2 weeks he will be down with it as well then we should be all done tho I have heard that if they get it under 2 they are likely to get it again!!!! Fab lol.


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## ciacox

Thanks Loki. Oh you're poor Littlest LO. So scary when they have a temp. Any chance your big man had chicken pox before placement? Might explain why he hasn't had it.

I don't think they would remove baby at birth as my understanding of Cub's CPR was that the behaviours of BF were the main concern and if she had been prepared to leave him she would have had a chance of keeping Cub. So now she's with a new guy I guess it's a very different picture and, although they would still have real concerns about her parenting, there might be more hope that she will be able to manage this time. I'm seeing our  SW next week (it was Cub's who gave me the info) and hopefully she'll be able to give me a bit more info about what will happen.


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## pyjamas

Cant believe our LO is starting pre school next week. Although I'm quite looking forward to having two mornings a week to myself I'm apprehensive too! Why do they have to grow up so quick! I suppose at least there is no excuse not to do the housework now! x


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## Tw1nk82

Becs mine is starting 3 mornings next week. I cant believe how quick they are growing up. Im very anxious about it all too but it is the best thing for them. Im looking forward to having some one to one with my little girl xxxx


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## Loki Girl

We got out littlest guy's adoption order granted on Tues - woo hoo!!! No contesting this time and birth parents didn't show up. His celebration hearing is beginning Oct. Can't believe we are finally all done lol and they are all ours. Can't wait to get his birth certificate and know his name is now same as all of us lol. DH's dad not doing so great. He has now been given 1-3 weeks and is in a hospice but my DH wanted him to know that littlest man is officially ours and he did so that's good. We don't think he will be here when the celebration hearing is but he would be too ill to come anyways but just so thankful he got to know our 3. 

Been a pretty horrific few weeks as they have now all had chicken pox. Had some really rough days in there. It seems we have had a month of them all being ill. Big man finally on mend, still covered in spots bless him. With them all being so little they don't understand when one needs a little extra tlc so I have been tested to the limit on some days and some days almost in tears by time DH got home lol. On top littlest man went through the worlds clingyiest phase for a week which was hell but is now out of that and being golden. Despite my fears of him smiling and rolling late he is now starting to sit unaided which is 6 weeks before his brother did last year so woo hoo he's catching up. Can't believe he is 7mths now!!!! Toilet trained big lady in the midst of all this mayhem and she got it within a week with lots of sticker charts (she loves getting stickers!!!) which I was so impressed with bless her. I think we will all benefit from her being back to pre school on Mon lol. She keeps talking about it so is ready to go back. She is going 3 mornings now. 

Hope everyone who's little ones are starting or going back to school do ok xx


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## becs40

Woohoo congrats Loki! 
God I bet that month felt like an absolute eternity didn't it with 3 poorly littlies! 
So sad about fil but amazing he's seen you all blossom and become a family of 5 when not that long ago it was all hanging in the balance because of his illness. It must be amazing to see that and see your dreams of becoming a family achieved and then some!
Little man started pre school on Monday, he seemed fine and no issues about me leaving. Was keen to come with me when I picked him up though. Next day he was a little bit more wary but still ok for me going when I went over and said I'd be back at lunchtime for him. However both nights he was at preschool we had a few wakings where he woke up quite distressed. He has had episodes like that before though for no apparent reason so I'll keep an eye on it. I think it was likely due to him being very tired and had a very stimulating day so his brain doesn't switch off. We had a calm day at home yesterday and he was much better last night.


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## Tw1nk82

Brilliant news Loki no more sws. So sorry to hear about your fil but at least your little ones got to know him. Little man went to nursery three mornings and cried each time i left him. He was fine apparently after a few minutes but it broke my heart. He too has been a bit unseattled with his sleep but it is a really big change. My sleep has been the same xxx


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## Loki Girl

Thanks ladies we are thrilled lol. Becs glad little man settled in easily but the evenings hopefully will settle as he gets used to it. 

Tw1nk took little lady about 6 weeks to go in without crying. I also knew she was fine and they let me phone and talk to her and she was happy chatting be to me on phone but would scream when I left. Many a morning I held it together till I got back to the car then had a good cry lol. Can't believe the difference in her from when she started last Easter. I need to go in and order her 2 new shirts and 2 new sweatshirts as hers are a bit small now lol. At least they will do for big man when he starts in Jan. 

DH had a week off work so we have had a fab time, Sealife, trip down to the seaside, a farm and today off to a monkey forest. Not looking forward to getting them all ready on my own on Mon hahaha.


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## Thepinklady

Congrats Loki, I have loved following your story and how great is it for your little one to have adoption order complete by 6/7 months. F2a at its best.
My vision for the future in the world of adoption would be that the majority of lo's who they know with as much certainty as possible will be adopted to have the experience your littlest man had - to be in their  final home from birth and legalities dealt with efficiency. I know this is not possible with every child but it certainly is possible with more than is currently happening. Throughts with you and the family at this sad time with your fil.


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## Loki Girl

Thanks pink lady. Despite the uncertainty at the beginning it has been such a smooth ride for him and us and am so glad we decided to have him in terms of fostering him then adopting. I have to say the way he interacts with his brother and sister in pure delight and how he smiles and is comforted by us very easily had made all the hard work worthwhile. He wasn't an easy baby in the beginning but now he is an absolute gem. Just couldn't imagine trying to get to know him now and try and do introductions with his siblings. This has by far been easier than the other 2. Our LA is now pushing for more couples to f2a and as we were the first and we had a few mistakes (by social workers not us lol) so the 2nd couple who went through it after us whom we met at the adoption summer party had it much easier than us even tho ours was pretty easy. Seems we are now the spokes people for f2a and will be talking at the upcoming adoption prep courses which we are happy to do since our LA has been fantastically brilliant. Wish all LA's would follow suit and embrace it!!

Talking of which. We got a present for our social worker when the other 2 were finalised but now we know this will be it and it will be goodbye we would like to get her something really nice as she has been fantastic. Anybody got any thoughts bout what we could do?


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## Thepinklady

great that your area is now promoting it more. Some areas have really embraced it and for others it is taking off. It does require a different mindset for social workers and some we have realised can't quite cope with the change of mindset or break from textbook practice. Good on you for being spokes people for it. We talk a lot at events in our area on concurrency and people really need the everyday stories about how it works in day to day reality. 

No ideas about gift, I am afraid I am not very creative with gifts beyond flowers and alcohol.


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## becs40

Ours just got chocs but to be fair by the time we'd finished we didn't actually like our sw that much! 
How about some handprint/footprint ceramic item? I know it sounds a bit twee and bad but there's a woman near us that does them and has some "subtle" items that are just really lovely bits of pottery. Have a look at the photos on her ******** page original ceramics. We had a lovely jug done "the hungry caterpillar" which was little mans footprints, my mum didn't even realise! Not sure why she thought we'd choose a child's storybook jug with no connection but was obviously thrilled when she finally spotted it was his footprints!


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## Loki Girl

Becs that was so naughty. Just looked at that ladies page!!! I was like forget the social worker I must have some of these    Gorgeous items. I could kit my kitchen out hahaha. Thank you may def be using her for me if not for social worker lol. C


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## pyjamas

Our LO was fine the first 2 mornings at pre school but we had tears this morning when I left! x


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## Loki Girl

Hi ladies. You have all been a strength to me during our journey and most of you will know my father in law has been terminally ill. He passed away peacefully on Fri afternoon with us by his bedside. It's been an emotional time as we have known this will happen for 2yrs. Originally he was given 6-12mths so he exceeded time frames. I just can't believe that originally they wouldn't place children with us when there was going to be a bereavement but soooo glad they changed their mind and found our little ones so he got to meet them and was here to hear the news our littlest one was finally ours as well. 

Kids are playing up at mo and think its down to we have been pre occupied and running back and forth to hospice. DH had last week off work and we did loads of stuff with the kids and think big man has really missed DH since he went back to work. I'll admit I lost it last night due to just constant shouting and screaming and I just couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't proud of myself for shouting at them but guess sometimes emotions do come out and you can't help it. It's been every night from bathtime to bedtime that they have just shouted and screamed and set off each other and it all got too much. DH has taken older 2 out this morn to give me a break and littlest one who hasn't been sleeping well is in bed. 

Anyways we now have the weird situation of prob having our littlest one's celebration hearing and a funeral fairly close together. Don't want to take anything away from our little boy even tho he is too little to know but also need to respect DH's family. Just hope it's not too close so every year we are not celebrating and remembering this awful time as well. 

Anyways just pleased we made it in time to be with him as it happened very quickly in the end. When we arrived at lunch the doctor told us would be days rather than weeks or hours and yet within the hour he was going downhill and within 2hrs he had slipped away.

Sorry for gloomy post but hope everyone is ok xx


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## Tw1nk82

So sorry to hear this news Loki. Sending you big hugs xxxx


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## ciacox

Ah Loki -thinking of you. Re the celebration hearing,  I've been told it's fine to postpone it if you want to. We probably will as we will need a bit of notice to get family up here from all over the country. Might be good for you all to leave it for a couple of months to a time when you all feel like celebrating?


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## ritzi

Sorry to hear this Loki. Sad news always, I work in this field - the end is usually surprisingly fast and very hard to predict ....I think its nicer for the person left behind, harder for the family but i'm glad you got to be there at the end


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## Thepinklady

So sorry, Loki. You and the family are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## becs40

Aw Loki such sad news. My thoughts are with you all. I'm sure the kids will settle down, they will be just extra sensitive to such a highly charged emotional state from everyone. Even expected I'm sure it was still a shock.

I second Ciacox's suggestion about postponing it, more as you say I think for the future that you don't want the 2 events to be associated really. It would also give people something to look forward to and allow them to enjoy it too without feeling guilty that it's so soon after the funeral.


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## Tictoc

We got our adoption order today so all done with social workers now I think! This will be the first time in about 4 and a half years that we do not have any SW visits - going to be very strange!

Loki - am I right in thinking it was your celebration hearing for youngest today?


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## Loki Girl

Yay congratulations Tictoc so happy for you guys. Was going to message you as was thinking of you all. 

Yes we had our celebration hearing today. Bit more formal than the other 2's judge when we had theirs but he still got a teddy which was nice and we got lots of photos. After we went to Build a Bear. Baby fell asleep lol so daughter had great delight in picking him a Halloween cat and naming it Meow hahaha. We then all went and had a nice family dinner. Only shame was obviously father in law wasn't there this time to share but we had a toast for him. It was lovely.


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## DRocks

I know I know some of you on ********.
But wanted to let you know that after ten weeks of delays we are sitting here waiting to go collect our FFA baby this morning


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## Tictoc

Congrats Drocks - the adoption order I mentioned above was on out foster to adopt baby so it worked for us!


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## Loki Girl

Our youngest was too - just had his celebration hearing


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## pyjamas

Congratulations D rocks. Your long wait has been worth it in the end. Enjoy every minute!


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## Tw1nk82

We had our celebration hearing yesterday. It was nice to meet the judge that granted the order and to take some photos. I hope everyone is doing ok xxx


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## Loki Girl

Aww Tw1nk it's lovely isn't it? Just hearing their new full names read out in court choked me up every time lol. Just wait till the new birth certificate arrives!!! We are still waiting for ours for littlest man. 

We are all good. In the throws of thinking we must start to plan birthdays as both eldest beginning of Dec. We have got a Santa special booked on the Severn Valley Railway and our local adoption Christmas party so it's all go go. At the moment we are doing the nursery open day rounds as need to choose a nursery for little lady next year. She is absolutely flourishing in Pre school and they keep saying what a massive change there has been in her since she started. She now has a couple of little friends there and she really enjoys going. She is still a monkey at home, won't leave her brother alone so they are constantly at each other and she's still not good about letting him have anything but we keep plugging away lol. Not looking forward to fireworks as she has started acting up already with a few bangs that have been going on. Last year was awful for about 3 weeks. Thinking of getting her some headphones to put on to help and maybe just watching the colours.  Can't believe she will be 3 in Dec. Just took her to Disney on Ice. I get so tearful at these things cus just still can't believe I am enjoying this with my child!!  DH wasn't so impressed at forking out £20 for a sparkly wand!!!!  Big man will be 2 in Dec and is just a whirlwind of constant energy. He just doesn't stop he physically just wears me out lol. He never sits. He starts pre school in Jan so have been warning them and the staff keep laughing st me cus I am counting the days lol. Littlest man is now 9mths and completely I will admit my baby. I can't help it, he was tiring in the early days but he's turned into a much more chilled little guy who is very securely attached.  He is the same age as big man came home last year and I can see the difference in having him from 6 days. It will be nice to have some one on one with him when older 2 are at Pre school in Jan if only 2 mornings. 

Hope everyone else ok xx


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## Tw1nk82

I just want to wish you all a very merry christmas and a happy new year with all your little ones xxxx


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## Loki Girl

Merry Christmas Tw1nk and to all the other ladies residing on here. This board seems to of become extremely quiet which is a shame but if you are reading wishing you all the best for 2017.


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## ciacox

Merry Christmas! I do still read and think of you all. Am hoping the board is quiet because there aren't too many dramas to report. Hope everyone has a great Christmas. Our first as a family and I can't wait!


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## Ozzycat

Merry Xmas everyone X
Were still around but quite as we finally have our dream family 😍 (until we're aloud to start adding to it!)
Lots of love and festive cheer
Ozzycat x


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## Norma12

Merry Christmas all & best wishes for 2017. We've been busy as a family of 4, exhausting but looking forward to a special Christmas. Xxxx


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## alig1972

Merry Christmas Everyone xx

We are still waiting for a match, fingers crossed 2017 will be our year! 

Ali x


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## Thepinklady

Merry Christmas go all! We have a little one  with us this Christmas.. A lo placed with us a few months ago as another concurrent placement. He came to us when he was days old and he is fab. We are looking forward to a nice family christmas. I hope Christmas is all you hope for everyone!


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## Forgetmenot

Hi all.... have been absent for ages... so much has happened and boards quiet.  Think it changed then couldn't access, then find anything as was all blue and weird and randomly came on the other day back to normal! Maybe it was me being blonde, anyone still about? Xx


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## Ozzycat

Hello stranger, how are u and ur little boy doing? Im loving being a mummy to my amazing  (not all the time!) 2.5yr old little girl... can't believe she's been home nearly 2yrs!!
How is everyone xx


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## Forgetmenot

He's a monster!! But the most loveable one!!
It's mad how time has flown x what are you guys up to, work, nursery sahm?!
He's 28 months now and testing.... but I adored him, he's our world x
We are heading out shortly but I will be back  xx


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## Ozzycat

She is also crazy but lovable crazy 😍
She goes to nursery 3 full days a week and absolutely loves it.. she even has a boyfriend 😲
We've been on lots of holidays and we just feel incredibly lucky to have her in our lives.
We've also started talks with our old LA (as we've since moved) about starting the process again for number 2 eeekkkkk
Look forward to hearing from everyone 
Xxx


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## Loki Girl

We are all good. Extremely busy and some days can't wait for bedtime hahaha. Older 2 are a handful as so close in age they constantly antagonise each other but hopefully as they get older that will diminish lol. Little lady is now 3 1/2 going on 16 lol and starting nursery in sept. She is in pre school 3 mornings a week and loves it. Such a difference from when she first started. Middle man is 2 1/2 and a real boy, tantrums galore, never stops and built like a tank lol. He's also in pre school with little lady 3 mornings a week. No trouble with him going and he loves it too so gives me time with littlest man. He is now 16mths. Been a bit slow hitting his milestones so not walking yet but he's doing fine. I have to admit my bond with him is different as he came home at 6 days but couldn't be without them all. We just had a week at Butlins with them first time taking them away on our own and we had a fab time and they loved it. 

Little lady still has few anxiety issues but as she is getting older we can talk about it more. She now has her own room and is back sleeping through the night. Littlest man has only ever slept through a handful of times but he is doing much better now so catching up with 15mths of lost sleep lol. Boys are close which is lovely to watch. 

Loving hearing from everyone xx


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## Forgetmenot

Hi ozzy, sounds like you have your hands full.  Little man has several girl friends on the go! So cute.  He's doing two days a week at nursery and loves it.  Going to do three in sept as from Jan they have to do 2.5 days, so might as well do three and stand more chance of getting a job, but needs must!!
We are starting the process next month... excited and scared.... scared that itwill send me in sane, and that number two couldn't be as lovely as number one and the waiting..... omg, I'm not ready!
This week I had an unknown number call, and I was like it has to be the social worker, offering us a baby!! Clearly not, but you get on planet adoption again and the craziness starts..... I am refusing to let it rule my life.  I don't want to miss magic moments with little man.
Where you guys up too?


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## Forgetmenot

Loki, how is the lovely Loki surviving in her once quiet house?!
Sounds crazy but full of love.
Who would have thought back in the day hey!
Glad little lady's issues are easing, and you are able to support better, language is such a barrier.  Little man is so frustrated! Once the sentences start I know he's not going to shut up!!
Yesterday was exciting, we did two wees on the potty and did the wee wee dance.... oh to be so excited about the wee wee!! Love it


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