# Sick of being single!



## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Just need a rant!

I'm 37.5, often told I'm good looking with a good figure, have a nice personality, good job etc but I'm still single 

I haven't had a serious boyfriend for over 10 years. Since them I haven't had anything that's lasted beyond 2 months. I admit I'm fussy which doesn't help and I have had a few guys interested this last year but sadly I haven't fancied any of them. About 6 months ago I had 2 guys with potential but sadly neither worked out. I haven't had sex for almost 2 years!

I miss the excitement of getting a text from someone you like, the calls, the physical stuff, the cuddles...

ATM there is nobody at all, not even potentials and I'm sick of it. I usually don't mind being single but ATM it's really bothering me.

I am planning on trying to conceive in July with a co-parent. He's a lovely guy but I don't fancy him at all. If I do get pregnant I feel my love/sex life will surely become even worse bc no guy will be interested in dating a pregnant lady or one with a baby for sometime either  I just see my love/sex life dragged out ahead of me with ditto, zilch, nada.


I've long since ruled out a relationship now but id love to have a wee fling before I ttc but I don't even see that happening.oh dear.

Any other ladies feel like this


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## notamuggle (Jan 15, 2013)

Yes!

I've wondered for a long time what's wrong with me, why am I single? I too am incredibly fussy and can't really get on with Internet dating. I don't meet anyone at work as I am surrounded by women or older men already married and none of my friends know any single men. They keep telling me they don't know why I'm single as im lovely although my cousin thinks I give off KEEP AWAY vibes because I'm scared which might be a bit true. even so when I have gone out and decided to be really brave and make eye contact and smile at lots of men I just end up attracting nutters!

The most I've had in 10 years is a few drunken snogs and 3 blind dates! And I've been on my own so long now it's hard even imagining myself with a man although I'd drop anything for Benedict Cumberbatch at the mo  

Although since deciding to go it alone I feel surprisingly free

I've now changed my plan and now hope that if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant then in a few years time I'll me a lovely single dad whilst we're in the park playing with our kids and everything will fall I to place!

Here's hoping  x


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## LemonSponge (Jan 22, 2013)

I'm not sick of being single yet - only just out of a long relationship. One thing i noticed over the years though is that so many of my colleagues at work who are lovely people, attractive and have a secure job, struggle to meet anyone. I think the social network age has created a misconcecption that it's easier to date and meet people. In reality, it's not like that. I know so many people who you imagine would be fighting off potential dates, but they have been single for years. 

All i try to keep in mind is that i met my last partner completely at random - was on my own, shopping and not looking my best, yet we ended up together for 13 years, so you never know where and when your next relationship might start. In the meantime it's important not to put your own dreams on hold - i'm trying to get out of that mindset that there's certain things you only do as a couple.


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## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

I have a love/hate relationship with being single. For the most part, I love it. I've had two relationships which made me so happy to be single after because I was treated so badly and hurt so much by them that I never want to put myself in the position where I'm treated like that again. I know not all men are like that, but it does knock your confidence. In general, I'm a very independent person and I love doing my own thing, making my own decision, and being entirely responsible for things. I don't like to rely on anyone anymore than I really need to.

But then it's times like now, when I desperately want a holiday but have nobody to go with, or when I go to weddings with all couples and me on my own, and my friend's tell their husbands to dance with me so I don't feel left out, that it really hits home. 

I also haven't had sex in 2 years (and good sex that was actually worth it in 4 years). I've cried a lot lately at the thought of WHY nobody wants me. Nobody's even interested. I'm a little overweight, but I'm not that bad looking and I'm a nice person (just a little low on confidence after recent years) but I've been left on the shelf.


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Awww Pollitta - you're still young, start worrying when you get to my age lol. Have you tried Internet dating? Even if you don't meet up with anyone you'll get plenty of messages and attention which is always an ego boost which is sometimes enough if you're feeling down. Plenty of fish is free and good for a carry on.

Well after I started this post I changed my profile picture on an Internet dating site I've been on for ages and was pleasantly surprised to receive a flurry of messages from various guys! One in particular has caught my eye and he seems keen and lives near me. I would just like a fling for a month or 2 but I'm v worried I'd end up liking him and keep wanting to see him and give up my plans to co-parent. I really want to start ttc in a few months and don't want to bs getting into a relationship now as my biggest fear is dating for a few years only for it all to fall apart when I'm 40 and still childless bc then I'd be in an even worse state  Unfortunatley acting wary seems to have the effect of making men keener!

Ideally I'd like a holiday romance or even a one night stand (never had one before) just to keep me going for a while before I start ttc. I'm going to Thailand soon for 2 weeks - it'd be great if I met someone there.


I'd defo be up for a relationship after I had a baby but just not now!!


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Ladies
I totally relate, but I am also aware that I am very guarded and scared to either waste my time or get hurt again if I let anyone too close.
I have a whole library of books which I generally consider very helpful where it comes to advice to how/where to meet someone, and what to do and not to do.
http://callingintheone.com/ is a great programme, I'd also recommend the Four Man Plan, Get the Guy, Finding Mr Right and Mr Good Enough (a bit depressing but useful info - the author had a child on her own and envies her coupled-up friends the extra help they get, even if their child's father is an ex).

What I can read between the lines with all your posts is that there is such a lack of confidence in amazing women these days, which is a huge shame! Yes, we don't want to attract nutters, but a very simple piece of advise I got from one of my books was to just say 'Hello' to people who interest you more often. It requires huge guts, but it's often worth it, if only for the 30 seconds of small talk! Then if he wants to ask your number, the ice has already been broken 

I live in London where it's easy to meet people, but I am totally off the whole casual sex thing. By that I mean, sleeping with guys you're not exclusive with, in the hope it will turn into a relationship... People I've slept with since my last r'ship ended are either friends, or we were TTC. Yes, I miss the passion and commitment you get from a real relationship, but I am scared to go there again.
However I grieve for me and my future child that there won't be the stability of a conventional relationship if I go ahead with FET on my own...

Wishing you all the best of luck, and hope there may be some happy stories on this thread soon! x

/links


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Oh, and check out this little video clip: www.gettheguybook.com/insecurity
Validation code: gtgbook x

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Hi Broody - I have pm'd you.

The only way I'd let a guy into my life now and in the forseeable future would be if he's super keen and wants to ttc within 6 months of meeting ie. V UNLIKELY!!


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## even (Apr 15, 2012)

Good old Fertility Friends website, saving my sanity once more!  I'm only feeling annoyed cos of a combination of things tho, of which being single is by far not the biggest (which just goes to show what a mess the rest of my life is  , through no fault of my own).

The first thing I have to say ladies is, give yourselves a bit of a break!   About half of the population (of people with life partners i guess) meet their life partners THROUGH WORK so if you don't have the kind of job where you meet sexy blokes, then you've already got an uphill struggle on your hands most likely.

Like most single people in our situation, I've been through the grieving process regarding "what should have been" whilst adjusting to the reality that I'd have to become a parent on my own.  Right now, I don't have anywhere to live and am not in a position to ttc, but I still manage to go out a bit and enjoy getting dressed up (something I couldn't do for a long time, long story) but sometimes I think "finally, I have a fairly decent figure, nices clothes, and no one to admire me".  I like dressing up for myself but I'm not motivated by the thing that sometimes drives people to "look good", ie so that they can look down their noses at other people....so really, for me, a lot of the enjoyment I would get from it is knowing that it's giving my man pleasure, and now by they time i get a man, if i ever do, my body will be dragged out of shape by kids!!!  It would have been nice if I'd had the chance to exercise and have body confidence beforehand.

Relationships can sometimes be more hassle than they're worth.  I spent quite a bit of time with an ex until fairly recently, it was quite complicated for several reasons but I don't regret it (some of the best sex I've ever had and he is the best at that overall), but having him out of my life is what I need at the moment.  It was hard to have life shove him (and all his problems) in my face at the point where I was all geared up to start my single parent journey, but I dealt with it.  I'm glad I played the field when I was younger so I have some memories to sustain me through the coming times.  I would really like to find someone to settle down with (started trying to do that 8 years ago!!!!!!) but I wonder if it will ever happen as I'm quite unusual and would rather be on my own than put up with pap, added to the fact that I am now living somewhere relatively isolated.  Recently I guy paid me a bit of attention and it gave me a lot of energy, and made me miss the good things about my ex a bit more.

The other thing that I think is worth saying is that we should also give ourselves a break because part of the reason many of us haven't found a man is because too many men are struggling to adapt to the modern world in which women are generally more empowered and generally expect men to have the backbone they've had to develop and the sensitivity we need just as human beings to get by!  I've met some amazing men who are the type of guys I would have loved to have a relationship with, guess what? - didn't fancy them!

I do look at some close friends relationships and think "those are the compromises I'd've had to make if i'd settled for 2nd best"....


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## sohocat (Aug 11, 2009)

Heidi33,
Hi,I think that a lot of single moms think that no one would want them if they have a baby/child, but actually, I had my DD about 2 1/2 years ago. In the first 2 years I wasn't physically, emotionally up for dating plus I didn't have the help-someone to watch my baby while I went out. But I have been dating for about 4 to 5 months now, and I have found that there are men out there who like me because I am a mother! It is in fact the opposite of my previous fear. Plus, there are a lot of people my age who usually have children and are divorced. Or divorced with no children. Most people have children though. And if a guy does not want to date me because I have a little one, then he is not someone I would want to be with anyway.


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## Heidi33 (Apr 2, 2013)

Abacus - i too look at most of my friends partners and know there are very few id consider suitable for me - i either don't find them attractive or i don't like their personality. I know a few of my friends have 'settled' because they are scared to be alone or "need" a man as one of my friends put it! I like having a man but i certainly don't need one! And if 50% of people meet their partnets through work then that explains a lot - nearly all my friends are nurses like me that i met through work but male nurses are either middle aged and married or gay - doctors are snapped up very early on and are very rarely availble  I have met plenty of guys travelling but they usually live on the other side of the world and haven't worked out.

Sohocat - glad to hear you are dating again! I am actually not worried about a child putting a guy off bc i know many single mums who have met men and happily settled down with them and my my love life cant get any worse than it is now really! I just know tht if i get pregnant the next year or 2 are probaly definatley off limits romance-wise


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