# Dealing with the boss from hell



## Lindoprincess (Jul 23, 2013)

Hi

Well long story short, lot's of IVF (disaster), followed by attempt to adopt (even bigger disaster) Have a boss who knows all this and to be honest has been not bad. She is now pregnant and frankly is an absolute nightmare. She shares her daily updates about the size of foetus - "ooh its the size of a papaya now"(seriously WTF) about the kid with me, er a tad insensitive or is it me?? I honestly could go on for hours. I would bore you. Basically she is doing my head in. So any ideas?


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Lindo,

I am so sorry you find yourself in this position.  It is incredible how insensitive some people can be.

I don't know what type of relationship you have with her, but I would either completely ignore her and pay no attention to what she says and hopefully she will get the message or tell her outright how you feel.  Perhaps say that you are happy for her, but you find it hard to hear all the baby growth/talk due to the difficulties /struggles you have had.  

I hope things get easier for you and hopefully someone may have some better advice.

X


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## LittleL77 (Jul 14, 2012)

Oh honestly - some people!!! I have now got a baby but I was so aware of not going over the top about it when pregnant because you never know who is struggling. Two main things to consider - her pregnancy isn't going to go away and she does have the right to enjoy it BUT daily updates is a bit much for anybody and she is being insensitive in the extreme if she knows what you have been through. The fact is that if you haven't experienced fertility problems, you simply can't imagine the pain. Could you reach a compromise where she doesn't keep harping on in front of you everyday but you ask her how she's getting on every now and then (at a time you choose so you feel a bit more in control). I feel a bit useless writing that tbh because I simply couldn't cope with baby talk even if I did put a brave face on it at the time. More than the talk though, I think it was the lack of sensitivity that hurt more. Everybody is different, but if you think there could be a compromise that would work for you maybe that's the best strategy rather than asking her to stop altogether (this might backfire if she then makes a real issue of not mentioning anything iykwim) xxx


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## Lindoprincess (Jul 23, 2013)

She just gets better. Her best work last week was "ooh you don't know how hard it is being pregnant". Er no I don't as she full well knows.

Seriously she's a nut job

I now spend an inordinate amount of my time hiding in the toilets or throwing up due to the stress she's causing.


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## 2Buttons (Jul 11, 2012)

Bless u sweetie, if it's got to the stage of hiding in toilets and throwing up, then you need to take a deep breath and tell her that whilst you are happy for her, you are not in a position right now to fully engage on the baby talk - offer to make a sociable cuppa and move on. Good luck    

There r also those guidelines u could print out and leave on her desk regarding IF etiquette


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## Roxy19 (Aug 5, 2010)

Hi Lindoprincess, 

So sorry your in this position.  I have been there too, 100%. My ex boss was horrendous with me, from the moment she found out she was pregnant till she left for Maternity.  Then awful again when she visited and came back to work!   She kept telling me how her daughter took six weeks to plan and conceive,  how she conceived and all about her finding out  

The best way I found to deal with it was to just be over the top happy etc. As much as it hurt and I went home crying. It made her think she wasnt bothering me, if I ever showed how upset I was she was worse.  But only do that If you can handle it. Otherwise just have a word with her and tell her how you feel. My boss did it on purpose,  could your boss be just so wrapped up in everything shes not realising how bad your feeling? It depends on what your relationship is like.

I had to be the same every time a pregnancy was announced.  I worked in a nursery so that was a 
lot. She loved going on or getting me to make the congrats cards for the parents. 

I hope you get it sorted   its awful. 
Roxy xxxx


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## Lindoprincess (Jul 23, 2013)

Thanks Roxy. No she does do it on purpose, she really is an utter cow. She even threw our adoption plans in my face the other day and said I should be grateful that she had even employed me. I mean seriously. I go along with the baby chat as I won't give her the satisfaction of knowing how much she upsets me. I just think she is one sick cow to be the way she is which is why I needed just a tiny weeny rant. Feels much better to get it out.


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## Teeinparis (Sep 15, 2013)

Do you have an HR dept?  I would bring up the comments about her employing you and that you feel she is discrimating against you and is not professional.  

Next time she says how hard it is - offer to trade with her and walk away.


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## Lindoprincess (Jul 23, 2013)

guess which department I work in!!!!!!


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## Teeinparis (Sep 15, 2013)

Ha - usually the case.  Every time she complains about pregnancy or the baby offer to change places.  She will soon shut up from my experience.  Say it gently with a big smile on your face and leave with purpose straight after.


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## Roxy19 (Aug 5, 2010)

Lindoprincess, glad your feeling better now your getting it out!  Yes she is sick, some people just seem to get satisfaction from making other people miserable.    I agree with Teeinparis too, it will soon shut her up.  I am sure some people have peanuts for a brain! Xxx


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## JulietP (Dec 6, 2012)

Lindoprincess, I feel your pain.  What a horrible woman.  Mine isn't quite that bad, but I have a colleague who's g/f has just given birth and my boss kept on at him to bring the baby in to work so we could all have a 'cuddle'.  The first time he actually did bring the baby into the office, I walked out.  It was 15 minutes to home time anyway, but I literally looked up to see him with a car seat and baby inside.  It was like someone had hit me in the stomach.  The second time, luckily the girl under my boss is well aware of what I'm going through and she warned me and then steered the man into staying outside the office so she could see the baby.  I was still gutted and still had to take myself to the ladies for a good cry.  I did actually tell this nice girl that if it happens again I would complain to my bosses face.  I even said I'd leave the office every time it happens and go home and not make up the time.  I think I even threatened to hand in my notice, but as you know, the stress does get to you.  I say give her what for.  Tell her just how utterly selfish she's being and that you can't cope with the stress.  Ironic that you are in the HR department, but there are other levels to complain to and if the problem is the HR manager, then her boss needs to know.  

I hope you're feeling better for venting!!  It really does help.


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