# Looking to Start or Going Through Adoption Part 13 2005



## KarenM

New home ladies and an updated list....

* Post matching *

*Karen *: Approved at panel on 22nd April 2004. First little girl moved in on 8/11/04, second little girl moved in on 9/12/04. Legally adopted 21/10/05

*Bex *(Bex32): Approved at panel in April 2004. Little boy moved in on 8/11/04. Sister moved in on 8/4/05

*Ann*: Approved at panel on 4th November 2004. Matched to two girls, who moved in in January 2005. Legally adopted 31st August 2005

*Cindy*: Approved at panel on 27th October 2004. Matched to a little boy who moved in Feb 2005. Legally adopted 21st July 2005.

*Everhopeful*: Approved at panel in 17th Feb 2005, little girl moved in on 23/05/05. Court in December 2005

*Mandy* (MSW): Approved at panel on 3/3/2005, little boy moved in on 10/06/05.

* Superal* Adopted 3 year old boy 8 years ago and a 9mth old baby girl 4 years ago


* Post Panel/Awaiting Match *

*Caroline W*: Approved at panel in September, now awaiting a suitable match.

*Nat* (Crazy): Approved at panel in March 2005, now awaiting suitable match.

*Ruth*: Approved at panel on 2/6/2005, now awaiting suitable match

* LB *: Approved at panel on 15/6/05, now awaiting suitable match.

*Ang* (Molly 2003): Approved at panel August 2005, now awaiting suitable match

*Kylie* (Boomerang Girl): Approved at panel on 24/11/05, now awaiting suitable match

*Tracey H*: Approved at panel 23/11/05, now awaiting suitable match 

 * Waiting for Panel Date/Panel Result *

*Morgana*: Going to panel November 2005

*Pam (saphy75) * Panel 10/01/06 


* Home Study/Prep Course *

*Homer & Marge*: Prep course September 2004.

*Nicola *(NickyDuncanFinn): Prep course Feb 2005

*Nicky*: Currently doing assessment

*Shannis*: Prep course starts 2/9/04

* Georgia * Prep course starts 2/2/05

* JenniferF* Currently on home study. Hopefully going to panel Feb/Mar 2006

* Paddy * *Adopting from RUSSIA * SW visit completed and course starts 3/12/04

* Barbarella * Prep course completed, now on home study

* Val 12 * Prep course complete now on home study

* Jude2 * Currently on Home Study. Panel date of September 2005 given.

* Danielle * Initial visit done, waiting for prep course dates

* Magenta * Prep course completed, now on homestudy

* HelenB * Currently doing home study. Panel October 2005

* HHH * Prep course done June 2005

* Shelly* prep course complete now on home study

* Fiona * *Adopting from RUSSIA*

* Emcon * Currently on home study

* Laine * Prep course ends 7/12/05. Home study Feb/Mar 2006

* Lauren * Prep course complete. Waiting for allocation of SW to start home study

* (Gill) gillywilly * Started home study Oct 2005. Prep course Nov 2005

* keli haslem * Prep course Nov 2005

* keemjay * Home visit 15/11/05. Prep course Feb 2006

* Lou * Home visit 17/11/05

* waiting to be mum * Prep course Nov 2005

* Alex28 * Prep course Nov 2005

* Lou W * Home visit 06/12/05


* Initial Stages *

*Nerys (lochness)* Attending Foster Care Open evening on 27/01/05

* Nic (Hopingforbaby) * Currently considering the adoption option

* Flymypretties * Initial visit March 2005

* Natasha * Intro evening 11th Jan 2005

* michelledawn* Open evening w/c 14/3/05

* Tracey-new* Open evening w/c 14/3/05

* jainey* About to start the journey

* Charlie1 * considering adoption

* Fiona1 * considering adoption

* g * considering adoption

* Cindy * considering adoption

* Yonny * open evening 8/9/05

* Donna Taylor * info evening 7/12/05



Karen x


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## Mummyof2

Thanks for that Karen.  What a long list    Well done for keeping track of it and updating us.

Our social worker cancelled our meeting this week as she was called away on an emergency.  Dh had taken time off work to come home for the meeting and I had also arranged for my two friends to come round and bring their stuff to be crb checked so it was annoying but couldn't be helped.  Next meeting is for sw to interview my 4 year old son.  Then home visits stopping for Christmas.

All the best

Jenny


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## Barbarella

Thanks Karen, I don't know how you do it... !!!  It's lovely to see so many of us doing this...so positive.  I'm going to make a concerted effort to keep a track of this one... I usually pop on and there's 29 pages and I just don't have time to read where everyone is.

Anyway, I'm having my one-to-one on Tuesday, which I'm really looking forward to (maybe I am just naive and she's using all this against us...lol).  We also have to arrange our medical checks sometime this week.

All my references have been recieved back within a week.. she was very impressed!!

Love Cxx


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## Lou W

Wow Karen how do you do it!!! Thanks so much for all the effort, it's lovely to see where everyone is at.  
Jennifer F - Sorry to hear your SW had to cancel the meeting... very frustrating! 
Barbarella - best of luck for tuesday... a day we're both looking froward to as thats when we have our first meet with sw! That is impressive for all your referees to be so quick in responding - you must have some great friends! 
How far into the process do they normally ask for your referees? we have mentioned to people already that we may like to use them as referees if they felt they would want to do it... but I just wondered how far off it may be?
Boomerang girl - I know what you mean about prefering to travel... my BIL bought us a holiday to Prague as our wedding pressie as we couldn't afford a honeymoon - we go in Jan and I'm so looking forward to it - such a lovely gift. You mentioned you have been before - was it lovely?
Laine - glad to hear the prep course was so enjoyable - yay you're moving closer and closer...!!
Love to all 
Lou W xxxx


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## alex28

Fab list Karen - thanks for that!

We got home from work this pm and CRB checks all returned which was nice quick (one month).  Quick question, will SS get a copy of this or do we have to copy these to them??

C - good luck for your one-2-one next week.

Jennifer - what a bummer!!  Hope it gets re-arranged soon for you.

Well i have done and wrapped all my xmas shopping thank goodness!!  Only FIL to buy for now................


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## Mummyof2

Alex - you get a copy of the crb check and social services get their own copy.  If you get your copy before social services get theirs, they may ask you to fax your copy through if they are trying to rush you through for something.

Lou W - my social services don't consider you as a serious adoption candidate until you have been on the preparation course.  After the preparation course they decide if they want to proceed with you and you decide if you want to proceed with them.  If both parties agree, you fill out an AF2 form which is your application to proceed as prospective adoptive parents.  At that time, they ask for your referees and contact them shortly afterwards.  Around the same time you also have to arrange and go for a medical at your GPs which you have to pay for yourselves at a cost of around £80 each but this price varies from area to area and some social services pay for the cost of the medicals themselves.

Hope this helps

Jenny


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## Lou W

Thank you for the info JenniferF, nice to know what to expect!


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## alex28

Thanks too Jennifer for both bits of info!!  We are awaiting the letter and application form from SS which should arrive this week.


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## Boomerang girl

hi lou,
prague was lovely- we went last feb. It snowed heavily which was what we wanted apparently we were lucky!

here are my recommendations:
do a walking tour of prague (half day one is enough to get your bearings) they all leave from under the astronomical clock (which is rather over-rated!!) 
make sure you drink lots!! of the mulled wine you see being sold on the street- it keeps you warm and tasted so amazing!
the beer in the main square is expensive but have one or two anyway to soak up the atmosphere- sitting outside under big heaters!!
if you can, do the pub walk. it leaves from under the clock again, and you will get a local student type taking you around to real lcals rather than the tourist ones. it was very cheap and had three beers thrown in! we found out so much about the young guy, life in prague pre and post the fall of the iron curtain- it was great and the tours are quiet that time of year. do try to do it on a weeknight though- s saturday night gets stag groups. when we went there were only three of us plus the guide!
hunt out a shop called Kaliko- it sells LOVELY fabric brightly coloured soft toys- I bought two to save for the room when we adopt. the wooden toys in some of the other shops are lovely too
go early to walk across the bridge- it gets busy
don't bother with the river cruise its pretty rubbish
do try local food the sausages are scrummy!!
ooh, I wish I could go back now!!


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## Lou W

Boomerang girl said:


> hi lou,
> prague was lovely- we went last feb. It snowed heavily which was what we wanted apparently we were lucky!
> 
> here are my recommendations:
> do a walking tour of prague (half day one is enough to get your bearings) they all leave from under the astronomical clock (which is rather over-rated!!)
> make sure you drink lots!! of the mulled wine you see being sold on the street- it keeps you warm and tasted so amazing!
> the beer in the main square is expensive but have one or two anyway to soak up the atmosphere- sitting outside under big heaters!!
> if you can, do the pub walk. it leaves from under the clock again, and you will get a local student type taking you around to real lcals rather than the tourist ones. it was very cheap and had three beers thrown in! we found out so much about the young guy, life in prague pre and post the fall of the iron curtain- it was great and the tours are quiet that time of year. do try to do it on a weeknight though- s saturday night gets stag groups. when we went there were only three of us plus the guide!
> hunt out a shop called Kaliko- it sells LOVELY fabric brightly coloured soft toys- I bought two to save for the room when we adopt. the wooden toys in some of the other shops are lovely too
> go early to walk across the bridge- it gets busy
> don't bother with the river cruise its pretty rubbish
> do try local food the sausages are scrummy!!
> ooh, I wish I could go back now!!


Thank you so much! have printed all this out! 
We are really hoping it will snow too - that would be amazing! 
Thanks for taking the time to tell us all about it, much appreciated 
Lou W xxxxx


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## Boomerang girl

oh lou I'm so excited for you... it will be a lovely honeymoon!

try to get a morning walking tour as it should catch the change of guard at the palace which makes for good pictures.  

do take your own hats/scarves etc. dh thought he'd be tough and go without, then when he needed themthe selection was RUBBISH and he wore my spare quicksilver hat all week! .. mind you, I wore his thermals 

prague is cool. even the taxi back to the airport offered us a drink for free!

email me closer to the time and I will get you the name of the minibus firm we used for transfers- very cheap, has a stall in the airport and fast, safe.

its so important to keep planning in little exciting things to do before you adopt- no-one cantell us how long it will be and little things to look forward to keep you going and make life fun!
xx


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## Shi

Hello everyone

I was wondering if I could join this thread?  I have spent time on the IVF cycle thread prior to this, but have been reading this for a while and almost feel it is a big step to even be posting here. 

D/H and I have decided to stop tx and to go down the adoption route.  It is very exciting for us and I know we have a huge mountain to climb, but after feeling so negative during tx I suddenly feel that this is where we are meant to be.  I never felt very positive during tx and have always wanted to adopt.  We felt we kind of had to go through it just to get to this place emotionally.

I can't tell you all the relief at deciding to stop tx.  I have a friend who has recently adopted and she has talked me through quite a bit, but it does take a while to let all the information sink through.  I can understand now why it takes so long and having made the decision to adopt I suddenly feel not as impatient as I was during tx.

We are booked onto a preparation course at the end of January 2006 with a National Care Society and have also been assured that we will also be booked onto a course held by our LA in January 06 too, but we still have to hear about that one.

Meanwhile, I am reading as many books as I can and trying to find out as much as I can about adoption.  The only thing I am slightly worried about is that although my D/H is keen on adoption too, he is not the most talkative when it comes to group discussions and he doesn't seem to feel the need to discuss the ins and outs of things.  It doesn't mean he is less keen, he just doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve.

Does this create problems with the SW's or do you think they come into contact with people like this all the time.  He is not one of these new metrosexual men who open up to complete strangers.  

What do you think?

Shi


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## Mummyof2

Hi Shi, welcome to this topic.  Your dh will be judged by sw on the preparation course if he doesn't join in enough so tell him to force himself.  Don't worry about your dh being the quiet type during your home study as sw are trained to bring people out of themselves to chat.  She will ask him questions directly if she feels he is not giving enough input.  We have to type up all of the things talked about during our home study each week and add any additional information we have thought of in the interim.  Not all LAs do this but I find it useful as it means that we can cover all angles in our own words.

All the best

Jenny


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## Ruthiebabe

Hi Shi,

i don't altogether agree with Jenny on this point, I don't think he'd be judged too harshly if he doens't talk......unless he doesn't say a word at all. Some people are just quieter than others, and its good that they know that upfront. Some kids who need a new family are quiet, and so a parent like this would be a good match. And you might actually be surprised, I was by my DH. I almost had to drag him along cos he hates "ground breaking" games and "group discussions", but after the first session he was a complete convert....he loved every minute of it. Its so interesting even the most quietest and reluctant person has something to say.

And if i rememeber correctly LouW asked about going straight onto adoption with no tx. We did this and weren't delayed. The reason they delay you is if you have had tx so you can be sure you've got it all out of your system. But like you we knew that if it coulndt happen naturally for us the we'd adopt.

Some movement on our front. We're now on the national adoption register and have had several enquiries from around the country. I'm just chasing them up now trying to find out more info before we send our forms off again. the thing is you can only be considered for one child/family at a time, and SW speed is a lot slower than the rest of the world, so getting it posted out and then back again if it's a no-go can take months. Wish me luck!

XXRuth.


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## alex28

I agree with Ruthie babe - on our prep course we had a form to complete at the end and DH wrote that although he enjoyed the course and got lots from it - he was not the sort of person who was comfortable talking in front of others - he leaves that to me    and the SW said that was good to write as they dont know you well enough at that stage so try to tell him not to worry - he wont be made to stand up and feel silly ands should not be forced to be something he's not.


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## Shi

Gosh thanks a million for all your advice.  He is not that quiet to be honest, it is just that like Ruths D/H he is not keen on ground breaking games or group discussions as he is a civil servant and has seen enough of those over the years.  He can be a bit cynical about them and doesn't like to be the centre of attention, but I think once he gets to know the social worker, he would be ok.  He surprised me a bit at the consultants during tx, so maybe when we come to the bit, he will be grand.

Good luck Ruth on the adoption register.  This is so exciting for you both.

I am glad I posted on this thread and thank you Alex and Jenny for your advice.  It's such a big step to even get this far.  When did you guys start to tell people you are going to adopt.  Do you wait until you are passed?  I feel reluctant cos I have mentioned it to a few relatives and although my immediate family is very supportive, one of my cousins was a bit "concerned", I think is the word.  I know it will take some people a little time to get their heads around it, but generally I expect most people to be supportive.  What does madden me though is when some people say "Any child would be lucky to be placed with you" I know they mean well, sometimes don't know what to say maybe, but I think we would be lucky to have them in our lives.

Anyhow, thanks very much for everything.

I am happy to be here.

Shi


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## naoise

Hi Shi

Just wanted to say welcome you to our board. Congratulations on taking this really important step toward adoption. We have just finished our prep course last month, and we found it really interesting and it was set in a very informal and relaxed atmosphere, I am quite shy and on the first day I found it hard to join in but after that I joined in and contributed a lot more to the group. 

You will get all the info you need on this board as the girls here are all really nice and willing to help each other. I don't post here regularly but just to know that there is people here if I need help is a great help for me.

Hope to hear more from you soon.

LOL keli


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## naoise

Hi Shi sorry I have just read your personal page and see that you are from Northern Ireland like me, it is great to see someone else who comes from this lovely place. Whereabouts do you live? Did you have your treatment at the Royal? 

LOL Keli


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## alex28

Hi Shi

we spoke to our parents about everything over the last 6 months or so and have told close friends we are planning to adopt.  We have not told neices or nephews yet as we feel that they may start to ask "when are the children coming etc" and have little comprehension of what is involved so we plan to tell them once we have been approved and that way, hopefully, it wont be too long before they have some cousins to play with!!!

I dont take compliments too well and its been so nice to tell people and them all say that we would make lovely parents as its clearly evident we love children and spending time with them.  We are the only non-parents who get invited to all the kids birthdays parties which is great so lots of opportunity for cuddles with babies!!!

Family can be funny and its because they dont understand, its the same as getting them to understand about fertility treatment.  Just be open with them about things i find is the best bet!


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## LB

Hi Shi

welcome to this lovely thread 

i thought my dh would be really quiet on the course but he surprised me - i think he found it easier because the sw's split us into two groups men/women on the first morning and it gave the guys a chance to have a good chat - i think a few of us girls were surprised how much our men were gassing  the sw's said they do it on purpose and it really brings the guys out in fact we thought they were never going to shut up 

Incidentally there was one guy who chatted great in small groups but when we were all together in a large group he never made one comment - i think the sw's appreciate that not all people are comfortable speaking out.

good luck with your journey, looking forward to following your adoption adventure XX

LB
X


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## KarenM

Hi Shi

My dh is the same - what is it with these men!!!! He said more than I thought he would and we did say something about it to the SW's as he was so concerned they would make a note of it.

I was the same as Ruth and didn't have to wait as we hadn't actually had any treatment.  We found out on 18/11/02 and started making enquiries to adopt in the December and started with our first visit the followng Feb and the rest they say is history.

Welcome to the thread and good luck for your course in the new year.

Karen x


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## Mummyof2

Hi Shi, I have only told a few close friends and our parents and brothers that we are planning to adopt and we have been going along this route for over a year now.

Most people we have told have been supportive but one friend thought I was mad wanting to adopt and told me this horror story of a child at her daughter's school who was educationally and emotionally sub-normal through the traumas of his early life before he was adopted. There were loads of awful things that had happened to this poor child and he demonstrated lots of problems, the least one being that as he had been deprived of food by his natural parents, he used to walk around the playground picking up chewing gum and eating it and going through the bins in the playground and hall, looking for food (even though he now was given plenty of food by his adoptive parents) so all the other children made fun of him and he was a total outsider etc etc.  Dreadful story that I could have done without being told but I guess my friend was just trying to help in her own way and make me realise what I might take on.  

When I told my mum initially that we were planning to adopt my mum burst out laughing thinking it was a joke and then when she realised I was serious she asked why on earth I would want to do that.  She is supportive now though and says she keeps looking at toddlers wherever she goes and imagines the toddler my dh and I will be getting hopefully.

I think it is hard for people who have never had a problem conceiving to understand how it feels and why we would want to adopt.

All the best

Jenny


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## alex28

JenniferF said:


> I think it is hard for people who have never had a problem conceiving to understand how it feels and why we would want to adopt.
> 
> All the best
> 
> Jenny


you are soooo right Jenny!

I was showing FIL some books the other night and the "children who wait" mag and telling him about the abuse kids suffer and his comment was "oh thats all made up i expect" i was so upset by his comment and so angry as it really makes me worried that he thinks whatever children we are lucky enough to have will be fine and have had no traumas in their life etc. People are very naive i think.


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## Shi

Hi everyone!

Thanks so much for all your kind comments.  You have definitely put my mind at ease over the d/h thing.  I have been on a health regime for the past 3 weeks and am beginning to see the benefits.  Going through the whole IUI and IVF thing over the past 3 years I have put on 4 1/2 stone and just feel so fat and ugly, but I am using this time to lose the weight and get myself fit.  Well in fact both me and my d/h are doing it and it is taking a lot of effort as you can imagine.  But it will be worth it.

Keli, gosh it is great to hear from someone in Northern Ireland.  Yes I did go through the whole thing at the Royal.  I am so glad it is over now.  Although everything went to plan (apart from the pregnancy that is) the drugs really did react badly for me and I am happy to be drug free once again.  What stage are you at and did you go to more than one agency?  Sorry for all the questions, but I suppose there are slightly different aspects to this whole thing over here than mainland UK.

Anyway, I suppose I should go and do some work. I only have access to this during the day and it is addictive!!   But will probably keep me sane during this long and emotional journey we are about to embark on.

Shi


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## Nats

Wow I feel so out the loop....you have all been so busy with bits and bobs and lots of chatting!....   

I do read often but dont feel I have much to say as we are still waiting..infact come March we will be having our year review!. Where does the time go hey!....we are cool though, have lots going on and feel as if we are making the most of our time together!.

We had our 3 nephews and niece for the weekend which was great fun, but boy they know how to eat!!...I can safely say that I will never put my name down for 4 of them!.
Our friends who adopted would have been placed about 3 weeks ago, but we havent called them just because we thought they would probably need time to thierselves and im sure the new grandparents will be making th most of it too!  

I know im late but welcome Shi. I hope the adoption journey is as smooth running as ours has been.

Hi to Karen, Jenny, alex, LB ,Keli, Ruth, Lou and anyone I missed, I will try and keep a bit more updated with you all!

Hope everyone is well

Natsxx


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## naoise

Hi ladies   

I hope everybody is OK. I haven't got any news really still waiting for a phone call to say we are starting our home study but we are sure that will not be for a while so we are just looking forward to XMAS, and secretly hoping this will be our last childless christmas.

Shi we had our treatment at the Royal we had 3 IVF attempts which resulted in two miscs and one bfn. We decided that we had enough and that adoption was the way for us. We have just done our prep course as you know,that was with the family placement teamd or social services, we live in a small town called  Dromore so we are with the southern board. We had contacted another adoption group in Belfast which was a voluntary group but after attending their info evening we decided not to go with them as they only had older children that ss couldn't place. Northern Ireland seems to me be abit behind the mainland with some things. We have decided to go for dual registration which means that we are placed on the fostering and adoption register, but we should only be placed with children that are being freed for adoption.

We have only told close friends and family that we are planning to adopt, we don't want too many people to know as we don't really have anything to tell at the minute, but the day we are approved I am going to tell the world, 
We got a letter today to review our frozen embies, we have decided to let them perish, it has been a tough decision but it was one we had  to make to move forward and now that it has  come down to it I do feel a bit of remorse for what might have been. but I guess that is only natural.

 to everybody

LOL Keli


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## Lou W

Hello all, hope you're feeling a lot better than I am 

Well, our meeting was today and ever since the SW left I have felt worse and worse. 
Basically, when I spoke to this agency on the 'phone I was told that as we were considering 2 siblings aged between 0 & 4 they would be very happy to have us. Turns out this is not true. They are in fcat only really looking for people wanting children of age 5 and older, something we are just not ready to do. I feel that even for a 5 year old I am just that little bit too young. We also wanted pre-school children to give us time to help them settle and get to know them better before they had to go to school. 
I also feel it would be better for the child/children that they would be the same age as our friends children.

So the SW said that our LA would be the people to register with, as they place younger children. However the register is closed at our LA and this will be reviewed in March, but they told me they expect the review to recommend that it stays closed. 

I have telephoned other LA's near to us, but all are either closed registers or without the SW needed to travel to us. 

The SW also said that were we to go with her agency, they would not consider us until it was longer since finding out about our infertility, at least another 6 months. I am confused by why this would be the case, as I appreciate we have to have dealt with the sorrow and disappointemnt this caused, but as we had always wanted to adopt, and even considered never ttc naturally as we felt so strongly about adoption, and also the fact that we knew straight away adoption would be the path for us instead of tx, you would think that she might at least take the time to get to know us and talk more to us about it before just deciding we would have to wait. I suppose as we are not going with this agency maybe another SW would feel differently. She also felt that our age may count against us when children's social workers were considering us for a match.

Somebody please help me and tell me what to do now. 
I feel so, so upset.  

Is this really it? Is it really going to be years before we get the family we so desperatley want?

Lou W xx


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## Ruthiebabe

Hi Lou,

i'm really sorry youre feeling so down. It does seem mad the way SWs think. I remember at the beginning of our journey we only wanted 0-5 year olds but our LA would only take on people looking for older kids too. I'm not saying that your LA is testing you, but I do think they do this sometimes. So when the SW said they'd take us on if we'd consider 0-8 we said yes. Then when we went to panel the panel reduced it to 0-6......mad?? Now were are considering older kids as a reality. 

Youre probably the youngest people they've ever had to consider, and if they genuinely don't get younger kids, and feel the same way as you (in that an older one would not fit in to your life) then I guess they don't know what to do either.......a real bummer!

Have you thought about foreign adoption. Its expensive, but you have a better chance of getting a younger child that way. 

its a really tough issue this, and its such a long process too........I'm probably not making any constructive comments here, but my thoughts and best wishes are with you.

xxruth.


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## Donna Taylor

Hi everyone,

Karen thanks for adding me to your list I feel a part of this thread now  

We have meeting with LA Tommorrow evening feel very excited and very nervous! also don't know what to wear as I guess it is tommorrow they will make there first impressions of us! eeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkk

Lou I am sorry you are having a bad time, Over the phone our LA said they would except us for a child 0-3 so hope they don't chnage there mind tommorrow, as you can see Me and DH are similar ages to yourself.

Hope everyone is well

Donna xx


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## naoise

Lou I am soo sorry that you had a bad time with your sw. There is nothing I can say to make you feel better, did the sw not know about your infertility before she came out? Our sw knows about our infertility and it doesn't seem to be a problem, yet anyway. Maybe different places are different. We said at our info evening that we also wanted a sibling group between 0-8, and that we would dual register. Of course we really want as young as possible,but at this stage we would not mind too much what age we got. 
I hope you are feeling stronger soon.

LOL Keli


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## Mummyof2

My sw came last night to interview my son privately for half an hour. Seemed very odd leaving him with her all alone and he is only 4 years old but sw was happy with the outcome and ds's comments so another hurdle over. She asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said a skateboarder who does stunts - bless. He does love his Tony Hawks playstation skateboarding game  The sw was a bit bemused when ds said he wanted to go into a dark room and knock over railings!! But it is a part of the game he loves. His description of me was that I was friendly and did the washing up!! His description of dh was that he was friendly and liked picking people up!! When asked to elaborate ds said his dad liked to pick people up into the air and tickle them and then give them a big hug  Ds also said that he was going to save half of all his advent calendar chocolates to share with his new brother or sister when they come.   Kids are so sweet what they come out with eh.

No more home visits now for us until middle of January as stopped for Christmas  Our dog decided to give sw a big lick on her cheek when she bent down to retrieve her handbag as he wouldn't be seeing her for a while 

 Got given more homework to do though as new rules now include a chronological list of all major events in your life so need to do that. Also new rules coming in say all references must now be 3 or more people and one must be relation so I have had to add my mum to my list of referees.

Lou - so sorry to hear that you seem to have hit a brick wall trying to adopt locally. It must be very hard for you. We are lucky in the Midlands in that we have lots of local authorities to choose from. We started with one LA who accepted us for 18 months to 3 years and then swapped to another LA as first LA was rubbish. Second LA said that their books were closed officially for the age group we wanted but as we had already begun with another LA they would accept us for that age group. Have you considered going to a private adoption society? I believe that they accept people within 50 mile radius but I am not sure so you would have to look into that more closely. Have you contacted BAAF or Adoption UK? I understand that they are willing to offer help and advice. Not sure if you would have to join their organisations first though. http://www.adoptionuk.org http://www.baaf.org.uk/agency_db/noflash_textonly/frameset_noflash.htm this link gives agencies covering postcode areas so may be of use? I can see that social worker would perhaps think that you are very young and only found out about sperm problems recently so would expect you to have more time to come to terms with it. At your age you would stand an exceptionally good chance of success with IVF or ICSI, both of which would overcome your dh's sperm problems. But I expect you know all this. I just want to say huge hugs to you for being so disappointed and I hope that you get things sorted out soon.

Donna - good luck with your meeting with LA today.

Alex - yes that is the sort of comments I get 

Nats - good to hear from you. I think it is awful that you have had to wait a year since being matched   Good on you for having such a positive outlook about it. My sw said the longest someone had waited that she was trying to match was 18 months but now they had got a lovely baby girl and all is perfect for them. She said she felt really bad for them having to wait for so long so she is very pleased that all has turned out so well. Hopefully this will be you soon.

All the best

Jenny


----------



## Donna Taylor

Hi all,

Getting very very ecited and nervous as the time ticks by now! I cant wait to get there!

Jenny, your ds sounds such a sweety what a credit to you and DH xx

Donna xx


----------



## magenta

No real news from me. Homestudy seems to be going well...I can't really tell but she hasn't said anything that makes me think everything is gong wrong. I had my individual home study meeting this afternoon so I'm glad that's over.  Sent off all the forms and paperwork and our GPs and referees have been contacted.  next meeting for me is 19th but i am supposed to have written my individual profile by then and had my medical.  So...more homework for me next week.  i am away from Saturday til Thursday so that only leaves tomorrow to draft it and next thursday night to write the blessed thing before it needs to be emailed in.  arrrhhhhhhgggghhh.  oh well...never thought this was going to be the 'easy option' and after this we get a break til january.

Lou W- sorry to hear that you didn't have a good meeting with sw.  At least she was honest from this early stage though - rather than 6 months/1year down the line when you are about to go to panel.  As others have said...don't give up straight away.  there may be other agencies in your area and surrounding areas who might be able to help.  sending you a big hug in the meantime.

Jennifer - do you think English rules might be different to scotland?  We haven't been asked fora family reference?  Should we chase this just in case it is needed at the last minute?

Donna T - Hi!  I am sure that anything we say won't help make you any less nervous. Just enjoy finding out more and ask any questions you have - however silly or trivial they might seem. it is important for you to feel that they are right for you as well as vice versa. my only tip is not to drink too much coffee before and during the meeting.  I drank three cups of strong filter coffee during my first meeting cos i was nervous and was soooo jittery it was incredible!  Honestly it did absolutely nothing to make the nerves any better and probably made them worse.  i also had to go to the loo 3 times!  best of luck.

Anyway...better go and start jottting down notes for my profile! 

See you all soon

magenta xx


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## Mummytoone

Hi Everyone

Hope everyone is ok today.

Sorry not been around much in the last week or so.

Bit of a me post coming up............... 

Been going through all our paperwork today and chucking loads of stuff out we dont need. Came across all our IVF stuff. It amazes me and makes me feel so horrible to think of how much i have put myself and our marriage through in the last 3 years. Reading all the stuff about scans and follies and doses etc just bought it all back. It was torture reading it all. Dont know if I have said before that I still cant listen to the Coldplay CD X & Y without feeling physical pain in my chest. When we did our last cycle at the ARGC I spent so much time in London that I was always 'plugged' in to this. BUT I just cant listen to it now without honestly getting a pain in my chest. And I LOVE Chris Martin! 

As the adoption thing has come to a bit of a standstill until we hear about our prep course I feel a bit in limbo and dont feel like I have much to contribute here. I feel all I ramble on about is what I do in the daytime etc and dont have much to contribute yet about actual adoption. I feel homeless a bit. I find myself loggin on to various posts on here were my old buddies are. But that in a way doesnt help so am always reading the parents boards, or 2nd tri boards where a lot of my old buddies are but of course they are about being pg and being a Mum. Dont get me wrong its not that I am not grateful for all of you here its just that I feel I am rambling on about stuff you prob dont need to know!

Hope that all makes sense, probably not knowing me.

Love Lou xxxx


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## everhopeful

Hi Lou

Sorry to hear you're feeling down. I think it's normal to re-live every emotion when confronted with your IVF history. I certainly have done. Even though I am well and truly settled into having our daughter and loving every minute, every now and then there's a pull at my strings. It might be an article in a newspaper or a headline or simply me browsing through topics on this forum, that I find myself going through it all again in my head. It's almost 2 years since we finished our IVF route, and I can still see that "safe bubble" where I sometimes wouldn't mind going back to.

Probably going through your stuff will be a bit of therapy for you. A chance to air feelings that you've probably tried to keep buried ever since. 
And you'll be at that vunerable time when you desperately want to move on and nothing seems to be moving for you. Once you've got that prep course sorted, things'll really step up and you'll be wishing things would slow down again!!
Before you know it, you'll be where we are now.

Keep thinking positively and look towards the future. Chin up! 

Take care x


----------



## LB

Hi Lou my little pumpkin - stiff talking to coming up   

you are not to disapear anywhere or feel that you have nothing new to say or else i will have to send the round on a visit.

Many is the time when i have felt that i have nothing new to say but it is a long journey as you know and we go far back now you and i - but hun we are gonna get there and we will celebrate when we do but in the meantime its onwards and upwards.

we - as you know are in limbo to at the moment but that will change soon   - won't it 

sorry that you are struggling with the ivf details it is hard and we are all entitled to feel down every now and then - i still do - but we are here for the good and the bad times so hope you come through this quicky and become all positivey again 

thinking of you matey

lots of love
LB
X 
and Ruby
X


----------



## Shi

Hi Lou in particular but the rest of you guys too.

Lou I just want to thank you so much cos even though you think you have nothing to contribute here it is far from the truth.  I have been heartened by your post cos I thought I was the only one.  

We too are moving into adoption.  I am just about to have my first period after my 2nd failed IVF and I am feeling extremely vulnerable.  I am sitting in work and I just can't stop the tears tripping down my face.  I know a lot of it is hormones but it wasn't helped by the fact that my SIL's sister had twin girls yesterday which of course is fantastic for her, I don't begrudge anyone children, but it is so hard.

I have tried so hard to bounce back after our IVF throwing myself into the gym and work and family, but I suddenly feel like I have hit a brick wall, so to hear you felt similar when going through your IVF stuff has helped me big time.  And all the kind comments from all you other guys too.  

I know I will get through it but sometimes you just find yourself in a big black hole and it is struggle to get out of it.  Hopefully this will be the last of my feelings about IVF (but I am sure not), I just want to put it all to bed and move on to try and find our children through adoption.

It has been more of a wobble rather than anything else, and I just need to pick myself up but I am feeling extremely sorry for myself at the moment too.

So, even though you thought you had nothing to contribute Lou, you have helped me so much just for sharing that with us.

Thank you

Shi


----------



## keemjay

ah Lou,   you're not the only one hunny - i feel a bit homeless on ff too - all my buddies are on the IUI board (or mummies board) and these days all i seem to post is day to day stuff cos i havent anything to add txt-wise. all i can do is be supportive of them and their cycles tho its hard as i really want to move on from all that.its not really healthy for me to keep reading about txts cos i get the odd flutter of 'maybe we should have tried more invasive txt than IUI' In my heart i know we've come to the end of txt but it pulls the strings nonetheless. i also find myself surfing all the other boards just to find a hole to fit in to, and not wanting to bore the adoption thread with my lifes ups and downs....

perhaps we could have an adoption chitterchatters for those who are at a bit of a standstill but need buddies to chat to. not sure how that would impact this main thread tho? maybe thats just EXCATLY what this thread is for anyway...its def got busier and chattier recently. on the adoption uk site its divided up into different sections - those who are just starting prep courses, one for awaiting matches, one for post adoption etc etc and people dip in and out of which ones they want... maybe we could do something similar? just throwing out ideas here, perhaps what we've got is what is right? i dont mind all of us being in one place at all, but maybe theres a space for a mundane chitchat zone...esp maybe for those still coming to terms with the 'moving on' issues
other thing i've been pondering on and may as well mention it now is if anyone is interested in an adoption meet-up - obviously logistically it could be quite hard but if we chose a centralish area then at least some people could make it? again just an idea....
just another thing Lou - we joined adoption uk (about £25 if i remember rightly) and automatically got invited to join our local support group. we havent been along yet but intend to in the new year. its important for us to get to know other couples in the same situation, have people who know the ins and outs and can share info...maybe thats something you could think about...

anyway i've rambled......sorry 

donna - hope last night went ok 

kj x


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## Mummytoone

Hello girls,


thanks so much for your words of wisdom. 

KJ- do you know what a little board for us in limbo would be great. I just feel stupid rambling on all the time about day to day life and not adoption. That would be great 

Shi- aww honey hugs to you, I think the way we are feeling is prob pretty normal. Its all exciting but very very scarey at the same time. I feel sure that once I meet other couples on the prep course I will feel better, like I did when I met the likes of SueL and SueMj on here. Such lovely girls with the same problems as me. Only difference now is that there lives are about their bubs now as they should be, and I would so love to be able to join in with the chit chat on the other boards. Im sure Jo feels very similar to me. Hugs to you xxxx

LB- aww am I your pumpkin? Funny thing is thats what I call people too. thanks for your thoughts. How is Miss Ruby red shoes?

Ever- your post has been enormously helpfull. Thanks for being so honest. I read another post by you on another site, I think. I am very much coming from where you are I think. You and your family are very inspirational and its great to think that you have found happiness at last and that maybe I can too.

So, anyway thank you. Still cant listen to Coldplay but never mind!

Been shopping with Mum this morning and now just waiting for a friend from work to pick me up as we are off to be St Tropezed, so no doubt I will be feeling more cheerfull soon. A good old tan always work for me. We have a big night out tomorrow at a posh hotel with a stay over so really looking forward to that.

Speak later and once again many thanks to you all

Love Lou xxx


----------



## kizzie

Hi all - just a quick note to say that our full application is now with the agency for crb checks etc.  We may be able to go on prep course in January but just waiting for confirmation.

I always read everyones notes even though I dont post very often (havent really got anything of interest to say   
Louw - dont give up.  i would definately try other agencies if you dont want to wait.  I contacted 2 LA's close to us who werent able to go ahead with us for different reasons (one because we were too close to them and it might cause problems with difficult birth families and the other because they weren't happy that we have 3 bedrooms.  This means at the moment that our twins share a room so we can have a spare bedroom.  We are planning an extension in 2006 and the LA said that we needed to call them back once all building work completely finished.  They dont assess anyone in the middle of building work because its too disruptive.  So.... they all have different criteria!!)

Good luck to everyone!!  Will keep up with all your stories.

Kizziex


----------



## naoise

Hi Lou I just wanted to add my penny's worth as well, I know exactly how you feel at the moment it is a bit like being in limbo. We are at abit of a standstill as well, but at least we have christmas to look forward to. I have just posted back the letter to the fertility clinic to say that they can let my remaining embies perish. It has been a hard decision but one that we had to come to as I couldn't bear anymore miscs,they just hurt too much. I don't think that the board is totally about the adoption process, but about the lives of the people who are hoping to adopt or have adopted. 
Anyway have a lovely night tomorrow and I am jealous of your gorgeous tan.

LOL Keli


----------



## kizzie

Keli - just wanted to say that i know how hard that choice is to let embies perish.  When we made final decision to do that plus some frozen sperm we had from an op DH had it was really difficult to let go.
You should let yourself grieve a little.  It sounds like you've really thought about it and are doing the right thing so hold onto that.
Kizziex


----------



## Mummytoone

Hi Keli

Thanks so much for your post. You have made a very important step in accepting your situation letting your embryos perish. 

We need to make some sort of decision regarding our one frozen blast at The ARGC. We have until about July next year to decide whether to freeze him for longer although a lot of money just for one little chap.

I will find that very hard  to let go although I do worry a lot about having a potential child of mine frozen in some lab. Im hoping my mind will be more positive in the future by then.

Lots of love and hugs

Lou xxxx


----------



## Lou W

Hello everyone! 

*Firstly - Just want to say - I LOVE THIS BOARD! It makes me realise that we all have our life's ups and downs to deal with on a daily basis, and I feel so much less alone being able to read all your lovely posts. *  

*Secondly - Very sorry to have posted such a down-hearted message the other night. I was so upset and really needed to get it all out, but reading what some of you guys are going through I almost feel selfish now, all I have to do is wait and that can't be half as hard as what some of you girlies have to deal with*.

*Those of you who have and are having to make a decision about your embies are so brave and strong, I can only imagine how hard that must be. Although I haven't experienced it myself I hope that I can always be here with everyone else on this thread to listen and give you any support that I can * 

Kizzie -we have contacted all LA's within a 50 mile radius and all bar one also had their registers closed at the moment. The one that didnt said they did not have the resources necessary for a SW to travel to us. But even if they did, they all said that they would look to place children with families from their own jurisdiction first and effectively that would place us at the bottom of the pile. So siiting tight and waiting is what we need to do for now so far as adopion is concerned, and we are trying to remeber that everything happens for a reason. 

*The SW we met really surprised us the next day too. After having made it quite clear that she would want us to wait for more time to pass after discovering our infertility, even if we had chosen to go with her agency, she then rang us the very next morning to invite us to an information evening in the New Year. She spoke to DH and said that she felt the meeting had been very positive and that she was very happy with all that we had talked about. Obviously this doesn't change the fact that the CCS only have older children, but we figure it would still be a positive thing to go to the information evening. * 

We have also been talking about fostering. We had always thought we would foster, but had invisaged doing it after we had had our own family first and our children had grown up. However as that seems a little further into the future than we had first hoped we are now thinking about whether we could do it whilst we wait. We feel it would probably give us a good insight into adoption as well. 
I spoke to our LA yesterday about this and they seemed very positive about it too. Oviously we have a lot more to learn and discuss, but it is something we are looking into, which makes me feel a bit more pro-active again. 

And for those of you girlies who are worried about just posting on here to chat... feel free! I love reading anything you have to say - even when it's not adoption related, as we often seem to have the same feeling about things, and it just reminds me that you guys are there. 
This probably sounds crazy  but when I come online and see that there is a new post on this board it makes me smile.   

Lots of love to you all 
Lou W


ps... apologies as I seem to have a bit of a smilie obsession


----------



## Barbarella

Barbarella - best of luck for tuesday... a day we're both looking froward to as thats when we have our first meet with sw! That is impressive for all your referees to be so quick in responding - you must have some great friends! 
How far into the process do they normally ask for your referees? we have mentioned to people already that we may like to use them as referees if they felt they would want to do it... but I just wondered how far off it may be?
Lou W xxxx

*Hi Lou

Well we were asked for our referees on the first day of our home study. We filled out the form and shortly after she sent out the questionnaires. It seems we are very lucky that our friends are as excited for us, as we are. They all wanted to put so much into the references, and spend a lot of time thinking about what they wanted to write. One referee told me today, that she wrote in her eyes, we are already parents because we have been as such to her son... that really touched me !!

How did your meeting on Tuesday go!? I haven't read to the end of the thread yet, so you may have updated.

My one-to-one went so well. It's like a puzzle and all the pieces are being put into place at each session. I laughed though as my session took 2 hours longer than dh's. It's so strange that my "colourful" childhood is deemed to be more relevant to adopting than my dh's idyllic childhood. I am so grateful for my experiences.

The SW said that she had no concerns so far, and felt that it was going really well and positively. She said that she felt we had a lot to offer as adoptive parents and that dh and my life seem to compliment each others really well.      

I'm so happy.....!!!!

Love C xx*


----------



## Lou W

Awww yay barbarella! So glad all is going so well for you hunnie! Can hear the hapiness shining through in your post    
What a lovely thing for your friend to write, and lovely fro her to tell you about it too. 
Our meeting was not what we had hoped... but I'll let you read that further down the thread babes. I know what you mean with regard to the colourful childhood though... considering it was only an initial visit we had the sw seemed very interested in my experiences! 
Good luck for the rest of the journey... although it sounds as though its going so well already!  
Lou W xxxxxxx   xxxxxxxx


----------



## keemjay

ah great news barbarella  - I can tell how happy you are from the tone of your post 

lou W - great that you have the opportunity to go the info evening in the new year, what a result  i think someone else already said this the other day but TRY not to get too disheartened as LA's def do always seem quite negative at the start to make sure people are willing to take the rough with the smooth. and make sure you're a nag too, keep on their backs so they dont forget you...keep ringing up to check whether the registers are still closed....you seem extremely postive about it all which is great and like you say, sometimes you just have to believe there are reasons for things to go a particular way....

jenny - glad to hear your ds got on ok with the sw, phew! no more tales of people locking people in lofts?  that was your ds wasnt it? apologies if not!!

gotta run, off out with old work friends as one is leaving to have her baby - deep breath.......

like LouW, i'm lovin this board at the mo - so nice to be on journeys together 

kj xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Boomerang girl

Lou W by CCS do you mean Catholic Childrens society?

If so, here are a couple of "up" points youmight like to consider about them. My colleague's ex husband is an expert witness in child abuse cases, does consultancy work inpost adoption, and says their post adoption support is the best he knows.

They don't actually have their "own" children- or not many!- they place children for LAs that are "hard to place". this can mean older children, but can also mean sibling groups, or children who have had very very rocky starts. this means the 0-5 age group should certainly not be ruled out no matter what they say!
the other bonus is that while in some LAs you might face a wait for the prep course, then a wait to start the home study, the CCS kinda doesit all at the same time- you do the home study and ttend prep course days when they come up.  Well that was certainly the case with the one on Croydon (we went to their open evening on recommendation but decided to go with our LA as Croydon is a fair way from us, and our LA has more young children to place).
I guess what I am saying is it isn't ideal, but not as glum as it probably seems, and I know six months seems like forever but in the great scheme of things its not. We had wuite a wait for our prep course- nearly a year from initial enquiry!!- but now it seems like nothing and in the mean time we have saved some money, had a couple of lovely holidays, and "found" ourselves again as individuals and a couple, instead of just being "TTC".

wishing you all the success in the world,
kylie
xx


----------



## Barbarella

Lou W said:


> Awww yay barbarella! So glad all is going so well for you hunnie! Can hear the hapiness shining through in your post
> What a lovely thing for your friend to write, and lovely fro her to tell you about it too.
> Our meeting was not what we had hoped... but I'll let you read that further down the thread babes. I know what you mean with regard to the colourful childhood though... considering it was only an initial visit we had the sw seemed very interested in my experiences!
> Good luck for the rest of the journey... although it sounds as though its going so well already!
> Lou W xxxxxxx   xxxxxxxx


*Oh Lou... I wish I'd read further down the thread now. I'm really sorry to hear about your meeting. I just think you should keep trying, and keep badgering them all..I'm glad the SW was more positive the next day though... that's something. I do think, as someone else said, that they are testing you somewhat... they sort out the wheat from the chafe IMO. Our first phone call was "well.. if you want a young child, you're in for a long wait". After the initial meeting last Dec, she said the prep course would be Jan. Then we were told "nope, it will be later in the year... as we need people wanting older children". Then we got on the June one. We got our home study date in July and freaked and needed more time. Now here we are... doing our home study when they said we'd be on the prep course.

I just get the feeling that if you show how keen you are, they just won't be able to resist you. I do hope that is the case, and that you get some joy soon.

I feel bad now for enlightening you as to how well our home study is going... it seems insensitive now I've read the rest of your thread... apologies for that!!!

Anyway, will keep looking for your updates.. hope you have some positive news soon.

Love Cx  *


----------



## Barbarella

keemjay said:


> ah great news barbarella  - I can tell how happy you are from the tone of your post


Thank you Keemjay.... it's been a long time coming I can tell you!! Anyone else feel the weight of the ttc world lift when you started the adoption process. Even pregnancy announcements don't give me the same lead weight in my tummy.....!!! I'm just pleased the heartbreak has subsided...can I dare to think that there is life after infertility?

Cxx


----------



## Lou W

Awww barbarella no!!!! don't feel bad! I mean it - it's so lovely to hear how happy you are and that things are going so well! not insensitive at all - just what I need to hear some happy stories too! Genuinely very very pleased for you sweetie xxxxxxx  
            
And I'm totally with you on the weight feeling like it's been lifted. Even though we never went through tx, when old AF arrived last month she wasn't so dis-heartening as she used to be. I guess the more we learn about adoption the more we think that maybe this all happened for a reason - as adoption seems so right for us.  

keemjay -   believe me I would get an A+ in a badgering exam... they will open the list just for me if I carry on      No but really, I will keep on top of them and make sure that as and when it is re-opened we get the chance to go on it!

Kylie - yes Catholic Children's Society is the one we met the SW from. It is interesting to hear you say about their good reputation, before we initially chose them we spoke to so many different groups, and I just had a really good feeling about them. The SW was lovely too. 
Perhaps as you and others have said, they are just testing us out to see that we definitely want to do it, I guess all we can do is to attend this info eveing they're holding and see what happens from there. 
They know that we are most interested in sibling groups, but she did say that the ones they have are where the eldest child is over 5, and we still feel that this is too old for us at this stage. But who knows, perhaps things will change and they will just see how keen we are before they tell us there may be more of a chance than they initially let on of getting a younger sibling pair. 

Thank you all so much for your support
Blowing you all lots of bubbles      

Lou W xxxxx


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

Wow!  What a lot of chat to catch up with  

It is lovely to see such a busy thread.   Going to read through your news and catch up with personals tomorrow.

Laine


----------



## shelly

Hello to everyone  
Just to let you know we are now approved 
This has been a long time coming as we finished our HS in Aug but due to one think and another ,been canc or someone was on holidays. But we are now approved and. the SW said this is the hard bit "the wait" but we have waited 9 years so what is a bit longer. To think this time last year we were only starting out with the pre course but it does take this lenght to take it all in.

My DH has been great , I got him a "Father to be card " he was so delighted and when we started out he was the one not looking forward to the meeting but it was no were as bad as people said. 
Good look to all who are only starting out it goes so quickly .

Shelly xx


----------



## KarenM

Hi Girls

Please feel free to talk about anything on here.  We are all on life's rollercoaster of a journey and we will support each other through what life may bring.  Please do not feel that this is not "home".

I can tell you there is life after infertility.  Today I have picked up the first set of professional photographs of my little girls from nursery and next week I am going to watch them in their nativity (shame due to these laws brought in for the minority that I can't film it) I am actually doing all the things I once dreamed I'd do with my own children.  I have all the feelings for my girls that I would if i had given birth to them myself.  I still get thoughts about what it would be like to see a BFP and what it would be like to have a bump, but at the end of it all without both those things I got what I wanted..... to be a Mum.

The rollercoaster ride can be rough to get here.  I'll order the sick bags!!!  But stick with it girls even if things may be going more slowly than you would wish because the reward in the end is worth it.  We waited 2 and half years of ttc and then a further 22 months going through the adoption process before we realised our dream.  We gave ourselves a certain time scale to be matched so that we had a point at which we needed to draw a line and make the break to live child free.  That deadline passed just over a month ago and here I am about to celebrate the fact that we have been a family of four for year tomorrow.

I hope you don't think I am trying to rub your noses in it, quite the opposite, what I am trying to say is stick with it, keep positive   and determined and you will find the gold at the end of your rainbow.

Love
Karen x


----------



## alex28

What a lovely post Karen - thank you. 

Shelly - hurrah!!!! Well done to you both - you must be thrilled!!  You are so right in that most of us have been ttc for so long whats another year when at least the stats for getting a child are much better than at IVF.  Cant wait for more news when you get that match.  What are you approved for if you dont mind me asking??

Crack open the bubbly!!


----------



## Nats

You lot really talk alot!  

Such a mixture of news though....and a massive CONGRATS to Shelly...over another hurdle and hopefully it onwt be too long before you are over the final one!

Karen - a fab post, im sure its just what some of us needed....but no sick bags were needed...I managed to gag and that was all  

Natsxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Karen - thanks for the supportive post  

Shelly - well done to you and huge congratulations to you both.  Thanks for your supportive post as well.  

All the best

J


----------



## Lou W

Hello ladies xx 

Shelly - Massive congratualtions - thats fabulous news!  
And you're so right about the waiting - you've made me remember not to see waiting as so terrible now, thank you. So looking forward to hearing how you get on with getting a match, and becoming a happy mummy and daddy very soon.

Karen - Thank you for such a lovely post, just what I needed. And congratulations to you for being a happy family for a whole year today!    

All you girls on here make me feel so much more positive about the wait and the time passes so much quicker having this thread. 

Love to you all
Lou W


----------



## Boomerang girl

Shelly- FANTASTIC NEWS! great feeling isn't it? I Think I am only just coming down off cloud nine now! And I feel exactly the same as you- what's a little wait after (for us) seven years?.. although.. I must admit, even though it has only been two weeks I do look forward to checking the answer phone with more enthusiasm when I come in from work!.. at least we have christmas to take our minds off things for a while!! 

karen- lovely lovely post- reminding us of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (which has a very steep up hill slope at the start, but doesn't seem such hard work when you are sliding down the other side after being approved )

lou.w the impression I got from CCS was that they placed the kids you see in Be My Parent and Children Who Wait- maybe worth checking them out to get a better idea?
hope the wait isn't too long.
xx

have a great weekend girls,


kylie
x


----------



## Lou W

Boomerang girl said:


> lou.w the impression I got from CCS was that they placed the kids you see in Be My Parent and Children Who Wait- maybe worth checking them out to get a better idea?
> hope the wait isn't too long.
> xx


Thanks Kylie,

Yes that's how the CCS works - my Dh had the same idea as you and has asked the SW to send us some back-dated copies so that we can get a better idea. So hopefully she will send those soon and we can have a look.
thank you
Lou xxx


----------



## Donna Taylor

Hi all,

Update from me,

Went to info meeting on wednesday and have posted our reply slip back today! eeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk no turning back now!
We have to wait for our interview with social worker then if we pass that will be on prep course in feb!

Absoultley $hitting myself but so excited at the same time!

Donna xx


----------



## Lou W

Yay Donna!
hope they get back to you real soon hunnie   
Im sure you're meeting with sw will be just fine, look forward to hearing when it is 
Lou xxxxx


----------



## shelly

Hi again

We are dual approved for 0-2 years, but to start with DH wouldn't go past 1yr old. 
But as the HS went on and we started to look at different ages even a 2 yr old is still a little baby   and have their own little personalities which is lovely. Our family's are so excited and this will be my mums first grandchild and she is so excited and i keep having to tell her that it may take some time before a match. But I will let her have her moment .

Shelly xx


----------



## TraceyH

Shelly

MASSIVE congratulations.  

It does feel great doesn't it.  Like Kylie, I still really can't believe that we have got this far and keep checking the answer machine for any messages.  We haven't had anything in writing yet, but apparently it takes 14 working days.  At least we have got Christmas to take our minds of it for a while and start the New Year with a new sort of excitement.  I am not very good at waiting, so we are trying to plan things together to distract from it.  We are even thinking about booking a holiday in February.  Friends of our booked a holiday and had to cancel it as they were matched.

Tracey x


----------



## Barbarella

Firstly, thank you Karen for that lovely message... it truly warms my heart to think about having my child/children with me...and hearing your story makes me believe even more that my dreams will come true.

Shelly....many congrats on being approved... I'm so pleased for you and can't wait for the day I can say the same.

Donna... I remember feeling exactly like you when we sent our forms back... scared as monkeys (as my dh would say...lol)

As for the waiting... I just feel that none of this is as bad as the 2ww.... that is just hell on earth and I am just grateful that it is all over for me... the pain and heartache of waiting for af (praying she won't arrive)... this process just seems a doddle in comparison.

The way I try and internalise it... with the waits or delays/cancellations in appts. etc... is that the child/ren we are all matched with are meant to be (Karen's post proves that)... those children are our destinies and it's all about timing... making sure we get the right child for us.  So, if we have to wait for that...well it's all part of life's big tapestry... and part of the jigsaw puzzle being put together piece by piece...

Bring it on....


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

Shelly - Great news from you!  Hope you don't wait too long.

Donna - Glad you enjoyed the open evening.  Hopefully you will have your initial viist soon.

Lou - I could really feel the emotion in your post.  I just want to say that to me this thread is where you can post anything whether it is to do with the adoption process or daily life.  I for one enjoy reading your news, so keep it coming  

Karen - Thanks for a lovely, reassuring post.

Jenny - Glad things went well with your ds and the sw.

Magenta - Glad HS is going well for you.  

Lou W - Sorry to hear that your meeting didn't go very well.  Please don't ever give up...

Shi - Welcome to the thread, looking forward to sharing your journey with you.

Nats - Let's hope that you don't have to attend the year review in March.  Everything crossed for a match coming your way.

Keli - Hope you hear soon about starting HS.  Brave decision to let your embies perish, but I guess one you needed to make in order to move on.

Hi to everyone else!

We finished our Prep Course Wednesday.  It was excellent, especially hearing from the adopters and meeting people in the same situation. Our next step is to attend an interview on Jan 11th to give/receive feedback on the course and formally apply.  In the mean time we have lots of homework to be getting on with in preparation for HS.  

So is everyone ready for Christmas?  My tree is up, cards posted and some of my pressies wrapped.  

Laine x


----------



## Boomerang girl

hello laine my tree is up, presents mostly wrapped but lost the will to live today trawling round the shops buying presents for dh's in laws!!

also... naughty I know.. just bought a baby monitor on ebay. I know we won't get a tiny baby, but figured as we are going for one or twounder fives I will need one- especially if they arenapping and I am doing housework, as well as at night (the bedrooms are upstairs away from our living room).

it was a bit of a bargain- brand new and boxed tomy walkabout classic for 16 pounds including the postage- it retails for 39 pounds!! hurrah. It can join all the toys in the cellar that I picked up when index was closing down!


----------



## Mummytoone

Just quickly as 'recovering' on sofa with dog after our night out last night 

Karen- lovely post from you, thank you, it really helps to read inspiring posts like that from those of you who have travelled the journey and 'suvived'. 

Laine- pleased your prep course as gone well, has it spurred you on now? 

Boomerang- sounds like a bargin to me, well done 

Just about to get in my jim jams....aww bliss..........fire going and dog on lap...............

Love to everyone

Lou xxx


----------



## keemjay

ah Lou, thats sounds nice. i'm looking forward to when our pup is happy to sit on my lap in front of the fire - currently he either eats the logs, steals the tongs or pulls over the fire guard. if none of those then he's chewing the coffee table, or trying to dig a hole in the carpet  and yesterday he bit thru my fairy lights cable  luckily they werent turned on.....ah the joys of puppyhood 

kj x


----------



## Mummytoone

naughty puppy but I bet you love him so much


----------



## Mummytoone

hey what is everyone having for din? Cant decide and need some inspiration


----------



## keemjay

indeed, love him to bits 

am going to friends for thai takeaway but if i was at home i feel its a sausages, mash and baked beans night 

kj x


----------



## Mummytoone

mm thai is our favourite, need something home made after last night


----------



## LB

Hi Lou

we are having homemade veggie chilli tonight me with chips and dh with garlic bread

LB
X


----------



## Mummytoone

Aww LB that sounds yummy, just had a look in the freezer but am lacking ingredients  keep craving fish all the time for some reason, have eaten a whole pac of smoked salmon in the last 24 hours, just out the packet, very greedy. 
Can we come round for chilli? Wont take us long


----------



## Lou W

MMMMMM all of those sound yummy!
I am at my best friends house but she has not got home yet. Her little girl is 4 in Feb and sh'es my little angel and being with her gets me through all this! They have taken a steam train from Notts to Loughborough today to meet santa and i cant wait for them to get back and tell me all about it!  

We are going to have a chicken tonight sauce - country french - its soooooo yummy!

Lou honey you're craving fish because you will be dehydrated from last night. Your body craves the fish because of the natural salts in it that will help you to draw the water from food and store it to rehydrate you. The best thing to do is get some lucozade or other type of isotonic drink as this will give you the correct balance of salt. (see having a dh who's a sportsman does teach you some useful stuff   )

Enjoy yourselves girlies...... yay im so excited for them to get home and ive brought all the xmas pressies with me! Little one will be so excited and hopefully her day will have made her a bit happier as she has a burst eardrum and hasnt been very well with it. Poor little angel.

Love to you all 
Lou W


----------



## Mummytoone

OMG Lou I love that sauce, def got to have that this week, its so yummy. Steam train sounds great  Ive been craving fish all week, maybe my brain needs the oils  . I actually didnt drink too much last night, just had a really, really late one and am so so tired. Got a really funny story about Adam from last night, but havent got the energy to type it yet.  

Oh record of the year on now   blimey what an exciting life I lead!  
xxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Laine - glad to hear you enjoyed the preparation course.  Lots of homework eh     Tell me about it    

Not got the tree up or written cards yet as we have been so busy here.  Spent all day out at the local aeroplane museum with the inlaws today.  Will be doing cards and tree tomorrow.

All the best

Jenny


----------



## Mummytoone

Jennifer-aeorplane museum sounds interesting  Enjoy doing your tree tomorrow 

I was a naughty wife tonight and ordered currys instead


----------



## molly2003

hello jaut came in for a peep in here . any one got threre tree up . we got a realy little tree and wow pain full. we  hubby me did the tree red and gold it nice but not got the hart for xmas this year we were sure we would have had a baby 0-2 this year. better luck in the new year. we had hubbys step son last year for christmas and it was exciting opening all this pressies.
what have you all asked santa for , ? and dont know what i want  i feels like xmas is early this year. dont know why  .. take care . love m xxx


----------



## Donna Taylor

Hi all,

I hope you are having a nice weekend, I too feel like christmas has come early, dont feel chrismasy at all yet!

I think maybe I have aimed to high, we just starting our adoption journey and I know all LA are different but we have been told it should take 6-9 months to be approved so I am hoping we will have a child to share next christmas but reading some of your posts I fear this is an un realistic expectation  

Donna xx


----------



## lisaw36

Hi everyone,

I have not posted recently although I do pop in every week to read all your posts and catch up on the news.    Shelley congratulations . I was very excited for you.  Karen your recent post was lovely and really boosted me up.  

Well things are moving along for us very quickly. We went to an information day held by Kent and Medway at the end of November and sent our forms off.  We were told first week in December that we had been allocated our sw already and she would be in touch Dec/January depending on her schedule.  That was very exciting and we planned just to chill out this xmas and enjoy our xmas day with BIL, 2 x SIL, MIL and my Mum and Dad.   

Then this week, it has been a rollercoaster of a week. Monday I found out that my friend I work with very closely has womb cancer and she will be in hospital this week for an emergency hysterectomy followed by chemo or radiotherepy (depending on what they find), only an hour after that my dh called to say our social worker had been in touch and they have looked at our initial info form and want to get us on the prep course in Jan/Feb.    Wow.    It was a day I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.  Then on Thursday my boss (who is in his late 50's) met me to tell me that his 2nd wife was pg.  I was stunned as that last I knew was that he had had a vasectomy but apparently he had it reversed.  I must admit I came home and had a bit of a cry but finally gave myself a shake and allowed myself to be pleased for his wife.  She is lovely and has been a great stepmum to his 3 kids and is only a year older than myself and I know she will be a good mum.    

Anyway surprise, surprise it was also the week the witch was visiting so no wonder the hormones were all over the place I suppose and of course she arrived bang on time as always.   The thing was, it didn't feel like the end of the world.  Like some of you I have experienced m/c (3 in fact) and the idea of getting pg scares me as the idea of a m/c really is such a grieving process that takes ages to get over but so much positive stuff happening with the adoption route I am looking forward not back. 

So our sw comes to visit us tomorrow for the first time and hopefully will recommend that we will be on the Jan/Feb prep course.    Fingers crossed.  

Sorry it has been such a me post.  Could I ask Karen to put me on the list now we are finally "off and running".    

Lots of love to you all. 
LisaW
xx


----------



## Donna Taylor

Hi Lisa,

WOW what a week you have had, I hope your friend will be ok  

I am hoping that we hear from SW soon although we only posted form back on friday so little early to be getting inpatient!

Its fantastic things are happening for you so quickly, you must be over then moon!

Best of luck for tommorrow, will ne interested in hearing how it goes

Donna xx


----------



## LB

run Lou your chillii is getting cold now  

LB
X

mmmmm scrummy curry


----------



## sussexgirl

Hi all,

Can I join in please? Myself and DH are just starting the adoption process. We have filled in our adoption questionnaires and we have the SW coming on Friday. Hopefully we will get on the prep session end of Feb. 

Chris
x


----------



## Jo

Hi Everyone
I have been thinking of dipping my toe in here for a while now.
We had our final go of IVF in Oct, which ended with another negative .

We have had 8 full cycles of IVF and finally feel we can't do anymore.
Adoption has been on our minds for years now, it excites us to know(hopefully) that we will in time have a family that we can call our own  
We can't start our journey until the end of the summer, which is sad, as we really would like to start now, but they want us to wait, so that OK, we have to do as they ask 

So Lou I have finally popped in here  , I will pop back every now and then 
All you stories give us so much hope, and make us feel so happy for you all.

Take care everyone
Love Jo
x x x


----------



## Lauren

Hi everyone,

I've not really posted on this thread much before but we also feel now we are finally moving (slowly!) along the road!  We finished our prep course at the beginning of Nov and were informed last week that our social worker should be read to start our homestudy by the end of Jan.  Very excited and am trying not to be too optimistic and start putting time limits on things - the classic one being (which I am sure I'm not alone in doing) that I have told myself I will definately have a child by next Christmas and this will be my last one without!  

I do have a question I would appreciate anyone being able to give me a bit of advice on.  Our social worker has asked us to provide her with the names of our referrees so she can get things moving on this front.  I have got two people who are close friends of my parents and have literally known me all my life although one of them lives in America and I wasn't sure if this would cause a problem.  What exactly does the referree get asked and is it all in written form or do they get interviewed by telephone?  I feel I should give my referees some warning of what exactly is going to be required of them.

Anyway enough of me.  I will endeavour to try and keep up with what everyone else on here is doing. But for now hope everyone is looking forward to a happy Christmas and more importantly a new year where all our dreams will come true.

Lauren xx


----------



## Lauren

Me again - I've just seen the thread all about referees so some of my questions have been answered.  Although I'm now not sure about my American referee as I noticed that some people said their referees were interviewed in person.  Might cause a few logistical problems!

Lauren xx


----------



## Mummytoone

Yippee Jo has joined us!!!!!!!!!

More later xxxxx


----------



## Mummytoone

Right proper post

LB- sorry I was late for my chili.......it did sound yummy but my legs got tired walking all that way  

Jo- SO pleased you have joined us at last. Guess you are feeling mixed emotions still but at least as our SW told us you are more or less guaranteed to be a Mummy at the end, unless they discover you are a mass murderer as she put it! So pleased you have joined us  

Chris- Nice to see you too. We considered Brighton and Hove but changed LA in the end. Good luck with your first visit.

Lauren- unfortunately I don't know much about referres but I'm sure one other girls will be able to help you  

Donna- hope you don't have to wait too long to 'hear from SS' 

Karen- how are you and the girls, any more funny stories to tell us   Must be your dads op soon, really hope it all goes well soon. If you want/need me to help you keep the list up to date for a bit do let me know, would be more than happy to help you whilst you are busy with your family  

Ever- How is your little darling, thanks again for your lovely post.  

Lisa- So sorry to hear about your friend, thinking of you xx

Molly- Hope you don't have to wait toooo much longer for the all important phone call  

Jennifer- hope you have got your tree and cards done today. I gave up on cards a few years back so I am copping out of that one  

Laine- how are you my lovely? Can we have a bit more chit chat from you pleeaassseeee..............     Love hearing about your days  

Everyone else a big hello  

Had a reasonably nice day today, LB you will be pleased to hear I have been a proper wife today and made Beef and Guinness casserole and apple and caramel crumble   although our curry was quite yummy   Felt a bit guilty though as went for a nice walk with Harry this afternoon and spent 10 Min's or so stroking the cows and letting them lick my hands. Felt terrible thinking I had there friends in a saucepan at home     Hope they didn't realise  

Off to see my aunt and uncle tomorrow. My uncle is very poorly and not likely to last too much longer. Its his birthday tomorrow so have made them a casserole and crumble too for their dinner tomorrow as they are unable to get out now. 

All in all a reasonable busy day. dearest husband has been sitting on the sofa most of the day watching TV so I am having to restrain my nagging habits although i feel they are being tested some what     

Off to see Felix in his Nativity on Tues so will have to try not to   

Right thats it for now

Love Lou xxx


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

Kylie - You did get a bargain on EBay with the baby monitor  

Molly - Hopefully, you will have your little one in time for next Christmas.  In the mean time, enjoy just the two of you for this one.

Donna - We have been told that it takes 6-8 months to approval from when HS starts.

Lisa - Sounds like you have had a rollercoaster week.  Sorry to hear about your friend.  Good luck for tomorrow, let us know how you get on.

Chris - Welcome to the thread!  Look forward to sharing your journey with you.  Let us know how you get on Friday.

Jo - Welcome to the thread!  It is lovely to see you posting here.  You know how time flies...well the end of summer will soon be here for you & Paul.  

Lauren - I know what you mean by putting time limits on things, it is hard not to.  Glad you found some answers re: referees.  

Lou - Sorry to hear about your uncle.  All that talk of food is making me hungry  

Jenny - The homework does seem to take ages and does get you thinking.

Hello everyone else. 

We went for a meal at our friends this afternoon.  They have 2 boys.  The youngest one is 5 and so cute.  He kept wanting to give me cuddles awwww.  Also been busy with our homework,  completed our family profile and just about finished our EcoMap/Support Network.   

Laine


----------



## Mummytoone

Laine WOW you have been busy you will be approved before you know it!!


----------



## Laine

Lou - Ooooo can't wait


----------



## Mummytoone




----------



## LB

Laine  - you are flying through this hun can't believe how far on you are in such a short time - so excited for you XX


Lou  -well done on the good wifey bit - dinner sounded delicious - oh did i not mention you can catch the number 33 to my house - would have saved your poor wee tootsies 

had a walk down the beach with Ruby this morning she had a great time running about in the shallows bad news was she had to have a quick bath when she got home and was so unimpressed with it  
had lovely sunday lunch then homemade fruit cake and custard was going to be so good this weekend but then thought stuff it if dh is having some then i am to!

we are now living in santys grotto and have watched the Snowman and Father Christmas this weekend - so cosy - am dreading having to go out to work tomorrow - oh well soon be home again

hope you have all had a great weekend
LB
X


----------



## Lou W

Hello everyone 

Well I go away for a day and look at all this I have to catch up on - it's great!  

LB - Ooooooh the snowman - how I love that film! DH bought me a snowman advent calendar this year - I'm such a child! It's got things to cut out on the back to make snowman decorations for the tree, that's me sorted for the next rainy afternoon!  

Laine - Wow sounds like you have been a very busy little bee indeed! Seems the homework i going well - how exciting!

Lou - So sorry to hear that your uncle is poorly hunnie. Enjoy the nativity play tomorrow!

Lauren - that's great that you can start your home study in Jan - it must be so very exciting with things moving a long for you. And I'm with you on the wishes for us all for 2006 - lets hope its a very happy one ith all our dreams coming true.

Jo - Big welcome to this thread! Sounds like you've had a tough journey babes, and I know exactly what you mean about waiting, it is hard but I guess we have to remember it will all be worth it in the end.

Chris (Sussexgirl) - Big welcome to you too! Wishing you best of luck for Friday - you will be just fine sweetie.

Donna - I know what you mean about worrying that you're getting excited too quickly, but you have to follow your dreams and it's only natural to feel like that. It's lovely that you're so excited that's  just the way it should be!

Lisa - Sounds like you've had a very emotional week hun, I hope that you're friend will be ok, thoughts are with you. Best of luck for today's meet - can't ait to hear how it goes xxxx

Right, hoping that's everyone! Hope you all had a fab weekend, mine was quite a strange one really. (Sorry I can feel myself going a bit me, me, me now) I'm so confused, relieved and sad all at the same time. 

Whilst I was in Notts with my best friend DH went to see his grandma. She is quite elderly now and most of the time lives in her own little world (although don't we all!) I thought it would be nice for him to go and see her as she is one of few family members who knew nothing about what's been happening and I thought DH would benefit from a break from it all if you know what I mean. 
Last week we had a big heart to heart as he had been being really snappy with me and just grumpy in general. We chatted for hours and I cried a lot. The crux of it came down to that he hadn't got over things and dealt with them as he said he had. So I guess the SW was right. He said he feels angry a lot. He is angry at the world as it were for putting us through this, and is finding it hard to deal with the fact that some people can have kids naturally and some people cant, and he's struggling with understanding why it's happened to us. (I'm so sorry I know that sounds selfish as all of us on here have gone through this, and I don't mean it to sound like I feel we're the only ones, I just really need to let this all out)
He's also very angry with hmself as he feels it's all his fault as the problem is with his sperm. I genuinely don't see it this way and feel like it's both of us who can't conceive, but it doesn't seem to matter how much I tell him this. He says that when he sees me upset he feels like it's him who has upset me. 
On the way back to Bristol last night he said he ended up telling his gran a little bit about what was happening, and he said that as he was telling her it made him realise that he has a lot to work through. He said that he can't talk anymore than he already has to me, because he feels as though he wants to talk to someone about it who doesn't know, so that he can sort of start right from the beginning. The trouble is that our closest friends already know, and he knows he needs to talk to someonw with whom he is comfortable leting his emotions out in front of. I suggested maybe counselling would be good, but I think he sees a kind of stigma attached to this and felt uncomfortable when I suggested it. Then he ended the conversation and said he didn't want to talk anymore. So the next hour of the journey went on in silence. 
Then we stopped at the services because he said he couldn't concentrate on driving and wanted me to take over. When we got back on the motorway we started talking about it again. I told him that I thought we should put everything on hold until we both knew for sure that we were ready. He said that because I'd spent so much time looking into everything that he felt I was more interested in having children than I was in him. This really hurt me a lot. I told him that I would happily spend the rest of our lives just the two of us if it meant we could get our relationship back again, and he cried and said that was all hed wanted to hear since October. (DH is not the sort of person to cry very much)
I had no idea I'd made him feel this way and I now feel so awful. All the way through he's kept saying he's fine with everyting and I really felt he'd dealt with it all so much better than me. I actually felt stupid for not being as calm and relaxed about it all as he did, and all along it wasnt true. How can I be such a terrible wife to have not realised what he was going through? And i feel hurt that he didn't tell me. 
So now I guess we just need to work through all this. I just dont know how to help him. I really think he needs counselling but I dont want to push him. 

Oh god im sorry, this probably wasnt the right place to poor my heart out like this. 

Love to you all

Lou W xxxx


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi Lou W,

wow....you have me in tears over my lunch here at work, not just because of how much pain you and your DH are in just now, but also because it's very reminiscent of what me and my DH went through. Our fertility issues is with his sperm too, although I had pCOS so both us really. When we finally found out that we wouldn't get pg naturally I started crying in the car outside the clinic, and he got a bit angry with me because he felt the bad news was his (low counts) and not mine. He said sorry afterwards, as did I. But this is stressful and one of the hardest thigns youll (hopefully) ever have to go through. Don't be too hard on yourself.

And you are soooooo not a bad wife. I'm sure you DH knows that too. He's just feeling a little fragile at the mo. He's probably been taking care of you for the last while and has neglected himself. Give him lots of TLC and i'm sure you'll both come rigth. 

Its such a shame than blokes aren't as open about their feelings as us girlies. They really make life harder for themselves sometimes. I haven't been into the "men's room" on this site, but maybe he could have a look in there to see if there's anyone going through the same stuff as him. But at the edn of the day men see themselves as the fixers, and its important for them to reach conclusions and find solutions themselves, so don't push him too hard. 

I only ever read the first few chapters of "men are from mars and women from venus" but what i read made a lot of sense....let him go into his cave to sort himself out.

stay positive,
ruth.


----------



## Mummyof2

Lou W - Ruth has given you some very good suggestions.  We have all been there I would think.  I know I have. Our problem is also with dh's sperm, although now we have my age as well but not at the start as we had been ttc a second child for 3 years before going down the adoption route.  It is good that you have had this open and honest talk.  It is not that you are a bad wife but just that men are good at hiding how they really feel.  At least it is all out in the open now.  My dh has said, in the past, that he felt I wanted another child more than him.  They just need reassurance.  Your dh is grieving for his lost biological child, just as you are.  Just give him time and when he is happier, perhaps get a couple of adoption books out of the library if he is the sort that would read them.  I think counselling would help but men rarely go.  Just keep talking to each other and being nice to each other.  You will get through this.  Finding out about his sperm problem is a recent thing for you both - it is bound to take time to come to terms with it.  Hugs to you both.

All the best

J


----------



## Lauren

Hi Lou W, I can't really add too much more to what has already been said other than to say you are not alone in how you feel and trust me it will get easier.  I think it is a totally alien thing for men to talk about their emotions and how they feel especially with something like this.  My dh has had a vasectomy having already had 4 children so he felt horrendously guilty whilst I was going through ivf cos not only did he feel it was his fault he also knew he already had the one thing I desperately wanted.  To start with he wouldn't talk about his feelings at all and things got pretty bad but then I suggested he sit in on my counselling sessions with me and eventually he got talking about his own feelings.  Maybe you could suggest to you dh that you want to have some counselling but could he come along for moral support and see what happens?

In the meantime try and stay strong and maybe think about a holiday for the two of you so you can spend some really good time together and try (not easy I know) to forgot about everything else even just for a week.

Lots of love and hugs
Lauren xx


----------



## kizzie

Dear Lou W
Sorry things are so tough at the moment for you  

Just wanted to say ... I think I read in one of your posts earlier that you really hope you can have children at around the same time as your friends so you share the experience together and they can grow up together (sorry if Ive got that wrong).

Before I was lucky enough to have my boys I felt exactly the same as you and was so worried that we'd be left out of everything because our lives would be so different.  This made me put even more pressure on me and DH  - and just wondered if this might be case for you?

In the end because of the delays with treatment etc I ended up having them much much later than lots of friends but in the end its all been fine - as soon as your children start playgroup / nursery/ school etc you make so many new friends who have children the same age.

I am totally sure that one day you will have littlies - even if you do need to wait a little while.  The one thing I wish we'd done differently is make more of our time together as a couple before children so maybe you could keep going with your applications but also plan some nice things together.

I know it really is so horrible and painful - but maybe some plans for little treats together might things a bit easier and get your relationship back on track.

Hope you are feeling a bit better.  
Kizziex


----------



## Mummytoone

Oh Lou

I feel for you and your DH so much and can very much relate to what you and your Hubie have said.

Your DH has made an enormous step in opening up to you and you must try and encourage him to keep talking to you. I think counselling would help him no end.

You sound like a wonderful couple, IF is just so unbelievable cruel and so testing to any relationship, I wish you lots of luck


Lou xx xx


----------



## Mummytoone

Mrs LB

So we have had very similar weekends of eating and doggie walking  

Lou xxx


----------



## Jo

Lou W
I can't give you any advice really cos I haven't even started the adoption journey as such yet, but all I wanted to do was come and give you a huge hug, and to say you are a fab wife, your husband is lucky to have you, and I am sure it will all work oit fine in the end.
in the meantime, I wish you all the best, both of you

Love Jo
x x x


----------



## Mummytoone

*LOVE* Jo being with us here too


----------



## Lou W

Thank you all so much for your replies.... I guess you're right that things will get better with time, and I'm sorry for having poured my heart out like that. I really, really appreciate you all being there for me. I feel like I've got a broken heart but I'm hoping they mend! 

Lou W xxxx


----------



## Boomerang girl

Lou- sending you a big hug!
My DH has azoospermia and at one stage or the other said all the exact same things- including how I unintentially made him feel! He tried so hard to pretend like it didn't matter, play the cool guy, but it did get him down, and we didn't tell anyone what the actual problem was initially. The, funnily, fter he had the testicular biopsy inthe summer of 2003, still all bruised and swollen bless him in his jock strap thingy, he got the dreaded call from the consultant saying there was no hope,so, (this was only 5 days post op) he got HAMMERED, stood out in the back garden (we live in terraced houses and get on very well with our neighbours), cadged a cigarette off the neighbour, and anounced that he could now drink and smoke as much as he bloody liked because he didn't have to do anything anyway! sounds sad, but he had us all in stitches. then all three sets of neighbours came round, we drank loads too much wine, all the guys said how brave he was, heard the war stories about the op,and he has been fine since.  Your dh will get there in time- I think the best thing ever for my dh, even though we had got over IF was to have the chance to talk to other guys on the IF section of the adoption prep course!

Right, onto me (sorry, bit hyped up here) just got an email from the SW to say our papers have been sent to a SW to be considered- apprently they keep your papers for up to 20 days.  all this time your papers are not in the "pool" of adopters and it may be that up to two other couples have had their papers sent too. SWfinishes for xmas this wednesday, soprob won't hear anything until january, but soooo bloody excited anyway!!!


----------



## kizzie

Ooooh boomerang girl - have they given you any details about the child/children?
Thats really exciting!!!  
Kizziex


----------



## Jo

Thanks to everyone for the welcomes 

I am sure I will get to know the ones I haven't yet 'met '
This is such a wonderful thread, with so much hope, love and excitement, its fantastic !!

Love Jo
x x x


----------



## everhopeful

Lou W

(((((big hugs)))))))).

So sorry. And yes I do believe that broken hearts can mend. My husband has azoospermia (nil sperm) and went through 2 ops to give us the chance of a baby. He hardly ever opened up, but when he did, it was to blame himself. In the main though, he put on this confident, everything's ok, face. I think it's more than normal for men to do this. In the end though, it was confirmed after 2 cycles, that I too am infertile. Which did, make things easier for me, because although there'd never been any blame given out, this way I feel we're equal.

IF does put a massive strain on any relationship and tests both parties to their core. You sound like a lovely couple who stand firmly by one another. Your dh does sound like he needs to get things off his chest, but he's made that first step already. 

A bit of time, and a lot of love and patience can and will take you a long way. I'm sure it'll work out fine in the end, you'll both be feeling fragile at the moment.

Take care of each other. x


----------



## Boomerang girl

hi kizzi,
no details yet- if the child/children's social worker decides we are a possible match, we will be contacted nd given the childrens papers- but this won't be until at least the third of jan when our sw comes back to work after xmas. soooo. a long xmas it will be forus- and who knows? possibly the first of many times our papers will be sent out. we will see. still. very exciting anyway and very surreal to think it could all happen!
kylie
x


----------



## LB

OOOOOOOOh boomerang so excited for you - think you are gonna float through Christmas this year!

Jo- lovely to see you on board  - this is THE thread nowadays   but don't tell Kim i said that.

Kim  only kidding!

Lou W - big hug to you and your dh hope things can be worked through soon for you both XX

Lou - yep doggies food and walks sounds okey dokey to me

big hello to everyone
LB
X

our SW is still sick at the moment so we wait patiently hoping she will be back tgo work next week


----------



## Emcon

Hi to you all 

Sorry I do not post very often, but I do avidly follow all your news.  

Lou W I felt I had to respond to your message as it really struck a cord with me, my husband too has a really low sperm count and very little motility.  We discovered this 8 years ago and he did not deal with it very well at all but as time has gone on together we have learnt to live with it and accept that it is nobody fault and we have just been dealt a cruel hand in life.  He has since also discovered guys he plays footie with, with the same problem and he has been able to talk to them and I think realising he is not the only one with this problem has really helped him. 

We were very very lucky that five years ago we had a successful Icsi cycle that resulted in our son which I think this has been a major factor in us both coming to terms with our infertility.  We have had lots of subsequent unsuccessful treatment that has at times put a real strain on our marriage, but with time and talking to each other I am sure you will come out the other side of this.  Take care of yourself too, this infertility affects both of you.  I hope in time your adoption journey will continue and you will have the family you both deserve.

On the adoption front, things very quiet for us at the moment, firstly our SW had to cancel a home visit because she was ill and last week I had to cancel as our son was not well, we are due to see her again tomorrow where she is going to have her chat with our son (about 10 minutes and we can be present which is a relief, it will be interesting to hear how he answers her questions) and then she is going to do the one to one with my husband.  Then we will have a break until after Christmas, part of me feels we have not done much in a couple of months of home visits but on the other hand it cannot be helped and I am trying not to be impatient because I guess it will happen when it happens!

Hope everyone else is doing and feeling ok.

Em


----------



## Val 12

Hi everyone,

haven't posted for ages so will have to try and catch up on the latest. Just to say that we were approved at panel last week     So needless to say we are well chuffed. It's the best christmas prezzie we could have had so the fact that my house is a tip as our extension has just been finished and that I have no kitchen doesn't faze me at all (well just a bit).

Hope everyone's ok and i'll read through everyone's posts later

Val xxxx


----------



## Mummytoone

Hello

Val - congratulations to you! You must be thrilled to bits  Hope the wait doesn't prove to be too long and you are matched before you know it!

Em - lovely post. Hope your SW gets things moving for you quickly again. I'm sure it wont be long! 

LB- go drag that SW out of bed  I am still being a good girl and cooking toad in the hole for dinner tonight. Haven't had for years but being off work on hols means I can fuss about and cook yummy things  How is Miss Ruby?  

Kylie- WOW..... sounds exciting. Hope you have some very good news for us soon  

Everyone else hello. No news here, am actually thinking of giving our LA a call to see if they have ANY idea how long we will need to wait for our prep course. They were very non commital when they spoke to us  

When to watch Felix's nativity singing thingie..... well I shouldn't have bothered as he took one look at me and 'mummy' came running over and spent the whole time grizzling on Melissa's knee. Typical, cant think who he takes after   ...... that is just like I used to be.  So just sat and watched the other kiddies, it was soooo funny.    Bless them.

Well I have an apt at the hospital to discuss my blood results for my PCOS. I have so many symptoms and am hoping they can 'do' something for me. Cant go on the pill (which I might add would have been the biggest joke ever...) coz of my thick blood problems and risks of thrombosis so am hoping for Metformin but have been told I'm not 'fat enough'.      (I am a size 10) So we will see.............

Right off to do my 'Delia' bit now   ....................... 

Love Lou xxxx


----------



## Mummytoone

P.S LB and Jo this thread is soooooo the new _IN thread _


----------



## alex28

Val - many many congrats to you both - what a fab xmas pressie!!!!

Lou - hope you dont have to wait too long my dear, its drive you mad doesnt it!!!

Hi to everyone else - cant stoip too long as DH just called to say he will home for dinner - hurrah! but i have nothing for him to eat - off the chippy me thinks.

I email our SS this am about when we will get a letter etc and just got email back to say they have received our reports following our prep course and hope to get reports out to us along with application form next week.  So realistically we are now lookig at being allocated a SW in Jan which is when we thought it would be.  Also some good news on the medical front i had to pop and pick up script for DH from his docs the other day and asked how much the medical would be and they said it was FREE!!!!!  Our LA pick up the tab!!!  Hurrah is all i can say to say to that after spending thousands on tx we deserve to have something free at long last!!  Not asked at my surgery yet - knowing our luck we wil have to pay for mine  

catch up soon -- hope you are all well. xx

p.s. Hi Louise and welcome!


----------



## TraceyH

Val - Well done, it is a big hurdle over with.  The waiting will be the hard bit for me, but at least we are all one step nearer achieving our dreams.

Lou W - I fully agree with everyone's comments and wish you both all the best.  Again our problem was due to a low sperm count and when friends have said that the problem is not with me I have told them that it is a joint thing and it is 'us' that can't get pregnant not me.  I am sure that given a bit of time that your DH will be able to see a future and with your support he will be fine.

Kylie - Brilliant news for you.  As if getting through panel before Christmas wasn't enough how are you going to contain yourself until next year.  We are still waiting for confirmation in writing.  I am going to e-mail our SW next week if we have not had it. 

Good luck to everyone else.

Tracey x x


----------



## Boomerang girl

Val brilliant news well done! there's something that feels so great about being approved at panel. for the first time in all the ttc etc it feels like a really trully assurance that unless things change you will be a mummy and daddy. it was all we wanted for christmas so we are really pleased too!

thanks everyone for the good wishes about the potential match. We are trying not to get our hopes up as it is still very early days. I think we will start getting a bit excited if we are chosen for a visit fromthe social worker. here's  question for all those prents- what sort of info do you get inthe children's profiles if you are asked to consider them. do you get a photo at that point?

trying to just get really up to date at work now so that christmas and new year can be a relatively stress free time.

by the way.. this really is the cool place to be isn't it??!


----------



## LB

Val - congratulations on your approval - sit back and relax while you still can 

Lou - mmmm toad in the hole much dash and catch the no. 33

Boomerang we did not get a photo at the form e stage that came later on - good luck

finished my Christmas shopping today so just need to do some more wrapping when i am puppy free and hubby free 

have a great week everyone
LB
X


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

Lou W - You have been given some really good advice.  IMO it is great that your dh has been able to express himself, give hime time.  I am sure things will come together for you both.

Kylie - Oh how exciting for you!  Hope you hear soon.

Em - Nice to see you posting.  Hope things get started again for you soon.

Val - Congrats! to you both.  Hope you don't wait too long to be matched.

Louise - Hi there and welcome to the thread!

Lou - Hope you get something sorted with the PCOS.

LB - Finished my Christams shopping on Monday.  I just love the wrapping bit!

Hello to everyone else.  Nothing to report here.

Laine


----------



## molly2003

Val 12 said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> haven't posted for ages so will have to try and catch up on the latest. Just to say that we were approved at panel last week    So needless to say we are well chuffed. It's the best christmas prezzie we could have had so the fact that my house is a tip as our extension has just been finished and that I have no kitchen doesn't faze me at all (well just a bit).
> 
> Hope everyone's ok and i'll read through everyone's posts later
> 
> Val xxxx


HI VAL well done hun we was aproved in aug a week before we got wed. i bet your still smiling and keep smiling ...happy xmas m xxx


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hi Everyone,

WOW I just can't believe how busy this site has become,it is really great to have so much support for each of you at the different stages.

I am just sorry that i never have time for personals, but when you all become mummys, which you all will one day, you too will be rushing around like a mad woman, and loving every minute of it.

We have had our darling baby boy home now for 6 months and the time has really flown , we too had just started our home study this time last year, so i too was wishing it to be my last childless Christmas, and now 12 months on I am looking forward to the best Christmas ever, my 1st one as a mummy      so don't think it is an impossible dream... it can happen.

Another 1st for me was my 1st birthday as a mummy yesterday  to open that card was just one of the best feelings in the world. And i got a lovely watch from my DS which i will treasure.

Getting really excited about Xmas now, the tree went up at weekend, Ds has been really good and just points at it, and we sing twinkle twinkle when the lights go on, he is 15 months now and although he does not understand it fully yet, he seems to be enjoying all the festive fun, except he does not like father Xmas and cried when his Nan and granddad too him to see him last weekend. 

I hope this post gives all you mummys to be the inspiration to get through this Christmas time with the knowledge that you too will be a mummy one day and enjoying you 1st Christmas with your children.

The other side of the coin is ds had been quite poorly this week and we have been to the Dr's twice and he may have asthma, now on medication which is helping and 2ndly i had to go into work today for a meeting about when i go back in January    boo Hoo it has come round too quick. Ds is going to a lovely childminder for 2 days a week and my DH and mum will share the other day.

I try to read most days and keep up with all your news, but when i miss the odd day, the thread goes mad!! but as they say, its good to talk.   . So keep it up.

Big Christmas hugs and kisses too you all.

Mandyxxxxxx


----------



## gillywilly

Hi all
WOW THIS THREAD HAD GONE MAD!!!!!!!!!
Mandy thanks for your post. I have been having a tough few days with Christmas looming but its inspirational to read your words. I know I will be a mummy one day.
I think you get caught up in initial excitement when process starts and this dips sometimes if you get me??
DH had medical on Monday and I have get mine tonight another box to tick!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lou -hope you guys are ok and feeling brighter. Its so hard to come to terms with and I believe HAS a couple we will never really I think you live with it and move on.
Alex - good news hopefully January will be really exciting for you. I guess they all go quiet over Xmas. Our visit after Xmas isnt till a couple of weeks in because she has a couple going to panel and wants time on paper work!!!!

Love to everyone sorry short on personals but keep it up I feel privileged to be part of the thread

Gill


----------



## Mummytoone

Hey just a quick one, I am getting confused on here with LouW and me. Would it be easier if we called me Lulu as all my friends do? Otherwise I think it is gonna get a bit confusing  

xxxx


----------



## Mummytoone

Have changed my name so there is no confusion   although I am still the original Lou on FF


----------



## Shi

Hi Everyone!  

Gosh there is so much going on here, I love reading all about the different stages everyone is going through, but at times it seems like there is such a huge mountain to climb.  We are just starting out and have our prep course in January, but even with that we seem to have been lucky, cos in some areas, couples can't even get on those!  There are so many different rules in different areas.

Anyway, I am following you all and when we hear stories like Mandy's it just makes it all worthwhile.  I am in limbo at the moment, I just feel I can't talk about it to anyone, cos we have so far to go and I have nothing to tell, but on the other hand, I just want to tell everyone cos I really want this to happen.  I hate not being able to talk about it.  And people are so busy nowadays, they ask how you are but they don't really want to know.  

I feel like I am writing secretly here, I mean even my family, no one mentions my failed IVFs.  No one asks how I am really feeling or what the process is.  It is a very lonely business this baby making.  Also, D/H though wonderful, is one of these men who if there is nothing to talk about, doesn't see the point in going over every last possibility.  Men are from Mars etc....

Anyhow, it is great I have here just to off load a little.  Thanks

Shi


----------



## naoise

Hi everybody!

Boy I think this has been said before but this thread does sure move fast.
Congratulations to everybody who have good news in the past week  . It really does give us who are only starting out the hope that we will mums and dads soon. 
Lulu I love the new name or your old one! 
Shi I'm glad to hear that you can off load your troubles, it is always nice to be able to talk to people that know exactly how you feel, I have a really understanding family and friends but they don't really know what we have gone through as they have all had a family really easily, so they don't know the pain we feel or the rollercoaster of emotions that we have felt. 
Nothing to report here as we have come to a standstill, I have my sister and her family coming to stay at the weekend, my niece is 2 but she is having her birthday on Sunday when she is staying with us we are having a party for her I can't wait, and my nephew is 11 and soo handsome, of course I am biased.


LOL Keli


----------



## Lou W

Thank you all again for your words of advice.... apologies if i go a bit quiet for a while but things are so very hard at the moment.

I just wanted to say love and luck to all of you and i will keep reading and thinking of you all even if i dont post for a while. 

lou aka lulu - so sorry to have caused the confusion!!! i do keep putting the W bit at the end of my name when i post but i know what you mean - sorry to have made you have to change your name!   

take care everyone

Lou W xxxxxxxx


----------



## Emcon

Hi

There are soo many of you all now I wouldn't know where to begin saying something to you all individually, so well done to anyone that applies to and I hope the rest of you are all doing ok and holding on to that dream at the end of our adoption journeys.

Well I had a bit of shock yesterday, we had been thinking that because of a couple of meetings being cancelled that we well behind with our home study but at the end of our SW speaking with our son today (he was very indifferent which she said was normally for a 4 year old but she also said very open to the idea of a sister) and my hubby's one to one session yesterday we made the rest of hs appointments for January and our sw seems to think 4 more visits and she should have enough info to write up our Form F and also to give a date for panel.  We were in shock but also thrilled.  Of course our date may not be until April May time but we are hoping for March.    

Does anyone know how long they normally take to write up Form F's, I didn't like to ask her as I have been criticised for being to pushy before.

Em


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Em, our sw told us that she likes a month to write up form Fs and get all the references back.  We are looking at going to panel in Feb or March ourselves.  Glad to hear that your 4 year old son's one to one went ok.  I wrote about my 4 year old son's one to one with our sw but in case you missed it, here it is again:

"The social worker next came to interview ds privately for half an hour.  Seemed very odd leaving him with her all alone and he is only 4 years old but she was happy with the outcome and his comments so another hurdle over.  She asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up and he said a skateboarder who does stunts!  He does love his Tony Hawks playstation skateboarding game. The social worker was a bit bemused when he said he wanted to go into a dark room and knock over railings!!  But it is a part of the game he loves.  His description of me was that I was friendly and did the washing up and we did cooking together.  His description of dh was that he was friendly and liked picking people up!!  When asked to elaborate ds said his dad liked to pick people up into the air and tickle them and then give them a big hug.  ds also said that he was going to save half of all his advent calendar chocolates to share with his new brother or sister when they come."

They are so cute aren't they  

All the best to you

Jenny


----------



## Emcon

Jenny

It does surprise me how different the LA's are, our SW spoke with our son for about ten minutes and asked us to stay too.  He did make us really proud how he responded to her questions, bless him he just wants a sister.  What age and sex are you hoping to adopt, does your son have any preference to brother/sister? 

All our references are in, we had to have all these before we were able to attend the prep course.  SW still has to have a meeting with my parents as they are at the top of our support network (Ecomap) and if and when I return to work they will probably help me out with childcare.

I think we will probably be going to panel at the same time.  It will be nice to have someone to compare notes with.

Em


----------



## kizzie

Hi Em
Did you mean that the SW criticised you for being too pushy?
I just wondered because Im a bit worried that our agency might think I'm a bit pushy because Im always asking loads of questions    (I'm hopeless at waiting!  )
Kizziex


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

Mandy - Lovely to read your post. Really inspiring.

Gill - Hope the medical went ok.

Lulu - Love your new name  

Shi - I can really relate to your last post.  Hoping it helped you to write down what you were feeling.

Keli - Have a lovely weekend with your family.

Lou W - Take some time for yourself.  We are all here for you if you need to 'talk'.

Em & Kizzie - I always ask what I want to know and never worry about being pushy.  After all, how else can you find out!! 

Jenny - Can't believe how fast things have moved for you since chaning LA's.  Panel early next year, that's great.

Hi to everyone else.  No news here...just enjoying the lead up to Christmas  

Laine


----------



## KarenM

Hi All

Sorry if I am absent from the boards, but my Dad had his operation yesterday and is now in intensive care so I am busy in balancing work, home and hospital visits.

I'll try to do a catch up with all you chatters and then try and catch up again in a few days when I've had chance to catch my breath again!!

Kylie - Gret news on hte potential match.  we didn't get pictures at the form e stage it was only when it was agreed in principal that we would proceed that we had pictures.

Em - Good luck for your SW visit.  Glad to hear your son got on well and that you don't need too many more visits.  It took about 3 weeks to write up our form F.

Val - Congrats on being approved at panel.  Hope you don't have long to wait for a match.  Good luck for getting the house sorted.

Lou aka Lulu - Good luck on getting your PCOS sorted out.  Glad you enjoyed Felix's nativity we had the girls one this week.

Louise (elleporter) - Welcome to the thread.  Good luck for the house move and for your adoption journey.

Alex - great news on your FREE medical, ours cost £36 something each.

LB - congrats on getting your shopping done.  Just have my food to do next week whilst I am child free (never thought I'd say that but it is so much easier without them trying to push each other out of the trolley!!)

Mandy - Congrats on your first birthday as a Mummy, lovely isn't it.  Hope your DS is now better.  Enjoy your first Xmas and good luck for your return to work.

Gill - good luck with your medicals and as you say another tick in the box.

Shi - Good luck for your prep course in the new year.  Its so true what you say.  We found things went to an extreme when our friends found out as all they asked about was adoption all the time.  In the end we used to say "Yes I'm fine thanks" before people would ask us anything about the adoption as it felt as if adoption was all they saw in us.

Keli - Have fun on your nieces birthday.

Lou W- Hope you find your way through things soon.  I am sure this time to consolidate your feelings will only make you stronger in the long run.

Jenny - We live only half a mile from the museum.  The girls go to nursery by there.

Cindy P - hope ds's birthday went ok and that the house move has too.

Hope everyone else is ok and that you are getting on ok with your journey's.

We had the kids nativity this week and the girls were ok.  I ended up on stage as the youngest did not want to be without me.  We took them to see Father Christmas on Thomas the Tank Engine last weekend.  The youngest was a bit shy and the eldest was chatting with him.  She said "Your watching me aren't you?  Your checking to see if I'm being silly and naughty.  I not really naughty I a good girl so I get presents and books!!"  it was so cute!!  She also told him she'd leave him a mince pie

Well best write the last of my cards and put the photos in them so the postman can get and deliver them in time.

Love
Karen x


----------



## everhopeful

Hi all

Karen, Wishing your Dad a very speedy recovery. (((())))) xx
I know what it's like trying to juggle everything - wishing Christmas could be postponed by a month or so!

Here, Monday 19th will be a busy day for us - we attend court for the adoption hearing at 10.30am , My sister goes in hospital for operation at 11.00 am  and my Dad goes back into hospital for overnight stay at 2.30pm 
And if both of them have complications/infections, they could both be kept in hospital for X number of days - it's Christmas week for goodness sake 
And in the midst of all this, my poor sister who's been too poorly to work or shop or even go out of the house, hasn't managed to get a single card bought, so I'll be getting her xmas shopping for her (helppppp!) and my poor Dad who has been housebound since his op, also needs me to go shopping for my Mum's presents!
And I'm trying to keep my housework (oh, *** the housework!) afloat, get my shopping etc finished, go to work and look after my very patient and very good little 2 year old! It'll be a miracle if I'm still sane come the new year!!

But amongst all the stress and hair pulling, I am trying (very much) to look forward to Monday's hearing and our first Christmas together.  

Mandy - lovely to hear of your first bday as a mummy, and wow! 6 months gone already, hasn't it flown?! Ours has been here 7 months next week. Feels like she's always been here though!!

Hi to everyone else! Hope everyone well.

Bye for now
E x


----------



## naoise

Hi ladies,

Karen I just wanted to say all the best for you and your Dad. A very stressful time for you I am sure. 

Lulu I was reading your post about your pcos and I am really interested in your results, I have pcos as well and my doctor has never said I could have tests or anything like that, or maybe I haven't been pushing enough. I am also a size 10, and the only symtoms I have is outbreaks of spots and very painful periods that is when I get one as they only appear once in a blue moon. So let me know how you get on please.

Everhopeful I hope your sister and Dad get better soon. Good luck with the shopping.

Hello to everybody.

LOL Keli


----------



## Mummyof2

Karen - hope that your dad soon recovers.  It must be a very worrying time for you all while he is in intensive care.    Small world that you live so close to the museum.  My brother and his family live very close as well in the large village of A.  That is where I grew up.  Went to school on the train to the nearby small town of S.  We will have to get together one day if you would like to.  My son has been in his school play.  They look so cute don't they.  I bet you were a proud mummy  

Em - my son prefers a brother but is ok about getting a sister.  We have said either sex is fine.  The age range we are going for is 18 months to 2 1/2.  As I am over 40 social workers have said I cannot be allocated a child younger than 18 months - this seems unfair to my dh who is only 37.

Ever - hope that your sister and dad soon recover as well.  Hugs to you for the stress and worry. 

Laine - yes it has progressed quickly since we swapped LAs.  The whole adoption process seems to have taken forever though so I will be glad when it is over and my family complete.  I just keep thinking that next Christmas my family will be complete (I hope) and it gives me the strength to keep plodding on.  How's the homework coming along?  Doesn't it take forever!

Well, happy christmas girls, in case I don't log on before then.  Still got pressies to wrap, cake to ice and half my xmas cards to post.  Last posting day for second class cards is tomorrow.

All the best

Jenny


----------



## lisaw36

Hi Ladies, 

So sorry I haven't written since last posting about my sw visit on Monday - it went fine and I will speak more about that letter, first some personals ..... 

Aaaaaah Lou, I read your post and completely understand where your dh is coming from.  Our IF is with me and it took me a long time to get used to the idea and feel some security in our relationship.    Now I have had some time and space to think about and talk to my dh I realise that although we both want children, our relationship has to be strong to withstand our own grieving and disappointment. We have become stronger but that is mainly 'cos we talked and talked so much. Of course men are not like us and they will have us believe that they are fine about these things 'cos they don't like us to see them cry.  Everyone seems to have sent you such fine advice but of course only your dh can move forward with his feelings.  I am sending you a big  .  Perhaps the holiday idea may be a good one and give you both some space from this process. 

Boomerang I am so happy for you - you have been such a support to me and knowing that you are close is great.  All my fingers and toes are crossed that you will hear something definite soon.    

Val - congratulations.  Another of us has taken a giant leap forward.  

Louise - welcome to the thread.  

Alex - you were lucky not to have to pay DH's medical.  Ever little bit helps after all. 

Mandy - what a lovely message.  It really made me smile and gave me a big boost that our lives will all change for the better in due course. 

KarenM - I hope your Dad will be ok and that he is out of intensive care soon.  So sweet that you little one wants you near all the time.  I can only imagine how wonderful that must feel.  

Ever - wow you have so much to do and so many people to worry about, I hope you get the Christmas you deserve and definitely try to find the time to put your feet up a little bit - obviously you can't get poorly as they are all relying on you.  

Em and Jenny congrats at your dates for hs.  

I hope I haven't forgotten anyone, there are so many of us  

Now our news .... like Shi we will be starting our prep course in January.  Our sw was lovely.  The house was spotless but she never left the living room.  I spent the entire morning following dh around, making sure he put the loo seat down, etc.      She was with us for 2 hours and we touched on so much stuff.  Because my dh is one of 8 siblings she was very interested in that and seemed to think we would have an excellent support network.    We discussed how we both felt about the m/c and also the failed IVF and she said that were obviously a strong couple who were making the best of a sad situation.  I was so determined not to cry but I am bad with sympathy.  Anyway got through the whole thing with no tears.    She has recommended us for the January/February prep course and we start 27th Jan ...... yippee. 

Anyway must rush as finishing work before running home.  We are off on the Orient Express tomorrow for Xmas lunch with Pat's firm.  They all know about the adoption so they will be excited for us.  It will be nice to have some good news to share with people for once and I expect it will be smiles all round.  


LisaW
xx

P.S.  Thanks for the kind words about my friend - her cancer has been found to be localised and she is going to be in hospital tomorrow to have it removed by way of a hysterectomy.    She is very very   and I will be going to visit her once she is ready one day next week.    All being well she will be out on Xmas Eve.


----------



## KarenM

Jenny -  Small world!! You may well know my SIL.  We live in that village of A and my dh, and two SIL's went to school in the town of S!!!  He was born in the hossie near the aeroplane museum and has lived here all his life.  Cryptic or what!!

Ever - Hope everything goes well for Monday.  Hope your Dad and your sister recover soon.  Hope they don't have to stay in too long and can be home for Xmas.  At least 2006 is not far off, new year and all that.  Sending you hugs.

Lisa - Good luck fro your course and have a lovely meal on the Orinet, sounds fab.

Right best go have to pop into work tomorrow as I have had a problem with a file I have been working on for one of the Exec Officers and ran out of time tonight.  So off early to get it done before the girls know I've gone.  I'll be back for their brekkie!!

Karen x


----------



## Mummytoone

Just a quick hello, feeling very chuft with myself this morning..... 

Been down the town and taken all the big issue sellers some mince pies and goody bags for their doggies  

They will be happy doggies now


----------



## Boomerang girl

Hello all,

lisa- fantastic news about the prep course- looks like kent have finally pulled their fingers out in the second half of this year- excellent! You must PM me the name of the SW who came to see you in case she is one I have met. Is the course at Kings Hill? if so there is a rather nice pub around the corner that we all used to walk to for lunch each time. DH was NOT looking forward to the prep course at all but we made some very goodfriends on it- there are two couples we meet up with every month or two for sunday lunch- we are hoping the friendships will be lifelong as we think it will be a great support and interesting for all of our kids as well.  I still remember before our first day I was sh***ing myself because it was when we had the freak heavy snow in March, and all of Kent came to a standstill, and I thought they would cancel it because the roads would be closed, but everyone struggled in and it went ahead.

When the SW came tous for an initial visit she didn't look around either  I had cleaned the house top to bottom so was NOT impressed.  The SW for our home study did look around on her first visit, but it was all very low key.  Hope you enjoyed the orient express!


lulu- that is just so sweet taking mince pies and dog treats to the big issue sellers!

ever- I just wanted to say all the best for monday. I have followed your journey over the last year or so and was so excited for you when you got a placement. I know the hearing isn't how you wanted it to be but I hope you can make it special. x


lou.w- hope you are feeling a little better. did the BMPs arrive? hope they were of use 

jenny- it must be disappointing not to have the possibility of an under 18 month old but then as we all know its whats best for the child that matters and the SWs have to make these rules.  Its interesting though, because in our LA being over forty doesn't rule out a baby placement at all! They even said at the info evening that a settled forty year old couple might provide a better environment than a younger couple anyway (which peeved us because we are early thirties- or we were at the time!! )    I just believe now that the right child is there for each of us, and we will love them so much we'll wonder why things like that bothered us once we have a placement.   I'm so sure there is a tiny little one out there this Christmas who will be in your arms next Christmas- or more likely toddling around tearing the decorations off the tree!! 

karen- hope dad feels a little better soon- have you worked out what you are doing for Christmas in that regards yet? thanks for the info about the form e

No news here, except my little mind keeps ticking over wondering about this potential match- we won't hear anything until January I expect as Christmas is in the way and everything shuts down over Xmas- Bah Humbug!!!!!!

Oh- and the baby monitor I got from ebay arrived- Its a Tomy walkabout classic- but it appears the light display doesn't work when it is on channel A. I have contacted the seller so we'll see what happens.

I now have two glorious weeks off, I wonder if I'll actually get my hallway decorated?  I think not.

kylie
x


----------



## kizzie

OMG - went to mothercare today and got a catalogue    I know I'm getting carried away with everything but it seems such a long time since the boys were tiny - just wanted to have a look at what is available now for littlies.

The funny thing is that when I was pregnant after ICSI I never ever let myself look at anything.  I was terrified through the whole pregnancy and when the boys were born my mum and DH had to go out and get everything.

All our referees have got their forms to fill in and will send them off asap.  (Hope they say nice things   )

We have got slight problem with one  - my 'big' boss who is the head of the whole company I work for has filled in everything about my record at work etc but he has never actually met my children so doesn't feel able to comment on parenting skills.  I think thats fair enough really because anything he said would be guess work.  Anyway - doesnt seem to be a problem with agency - they said that if they dont feel theyve got enough info from our personal referees then they'll ask for another 'close' colleague - and Ive already got one lined up in case they are needed.

Lulu -thought that was a lovely thing to do with the big issue sellers. 

Hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Kizzie xx


----------



## Boomerang girl

Hi kizzie i wouldn't worry about the big boss not being able to comment on that. Not all of your refs will be able to answer every question comprehensively- but they should get a good balance across all the refs. I bet there are other things your boss would have put which would reflect well on your ability to parent- things like compassion and empathy to others, coping with adversity and coping under pressure, communication skills, organisation etc.

I know what you mean about the mothercare catalogues etc. I am presently obsessed with the NEXT home catalogue- after all this time I am finally allowing myself to dream a little, and keep wondering which bedroom set my little one(s) will want- hopefully they will have interests we can take and use as a theme, but I must admit I am pretty keen on the cars bedset etc and especially the space one (well, if its a boy(s)) I also love animal themes, which might work if we get two very young ones.  I like just looking around at the moment to get an idea of whats about.


----------



## cindyp

Hi Ladies

Just a quick post, I'm not on-line at home and am posting from work (yes I know it's Sunday but so much to do).

Haven't got time for lots of personals but would just like to say

Karen, I hope your Dad makes a speedy recovery from the op, must be hard trying to juggle so many things in your life.

Mandy, sorry to hear DS is poorly, these 6 months have flown by.

Lou, sorry to hear the two of you are going through a bit of a rough time.  Your DH might be surprised by counselling, I don't think it's a stigma these days.  My DH was recommended it after his Dad died at a young age (they were very close and there was a lot of anger as his death could have been prevented) and it helped him a lot talking to a completely objective person.  However I think the best cure is time, I'm not sure you ever completely recover from IF.  I still get emotional when I see babies being born on the telly and think of my m/c.  However time does allow you to come to terms with things and having a family is the best cure of all.  I've had my little boy for 10 months now and I can't imagine life without him.  He may not be part of my DNA but he is part of my soul and although we could chuck him through the window sometimes (terrible twos   ) me and my DH love him to bits and can't imagine loving a "birth" child more.

Jenny, glad to hear the interview with DS went well, sounds like things are progressing really nicely.

Kylie, your news sounds promising, will cross my fingers for you.

Shelley, congratulations on the approval, hope you get matched soon.

KJ, I suggested a meet up a few weeks ago and think it would be nice to get together in the New Year.  Are you thinking evening adults only or daytime with kiddies?

As for us, we went to Bolougne last weekend, the first time we'd left our DS.  Our friends and their children came to stay in our house and as he adores them he was fine.  However, the night we got back he cried all night   .  We'd never seen him so unhappy, he spent hours wailing "Mummy, Mummy".  Although he didn't have a fever we tried giving him Calpol but nothing worked.  We swore we'd never leave him again if it had this effect but the next morning the spots came out.  It turned out he had Hand, Foot and Mouth disease (picked up from nursery).  He'd been so unhappy because ulcers had been forming in his throat but obviously was too little to tell us.  Of course it was perfect timing because we moved house on Thursday and I'd paid for extra sessions at the nursery so we could pack and move.  As it happened we had to try and pack around him on 4 hours sleep a night.  Thankfully our friends were really helpful and we are finally in our new house, (not a very toddler proof house as it's very old and needs a lot of work doing to it).  DH's birthday (Friday) and DS's birthday (Saturday) were a bit low key because of the house move and the illness but we did have a cake in shape of a car and he ate the wheel.  He also loved the present we got him, a Little Tykes Police Rocker which is in the shape of a police motorbike and makes all sorts of sounds.  I'm going to have to introduce myself to our new neighbours and apologise for the loud Nee Nar sounds coming from our house yesterday at 6.30 in the morning!!   

Better get back to work and thinking about how I'm going to do all my Xmas shopping.

love
Cindy


----------



## leanne2005

hello i was just wondering if there is any age limit to adoption has me and my partner are going to adopt


----------



## cindyp

Leanne, you don't say how old you are??  Me and my DH are both 43 (well I will be in February) and our little boy just turned 2.  There is not a strict limit, it depends from authority to authority but a rough guideline is no more than 40-45 years between the age of the parent and the child.

Cindy


----------



## magenta

great to hear everyone's news.  We are still stiding agead with homestudy - got my medical tomorrow (DH had his last week0; our references are; indiviual profile written and typed up and our 5th meeting tomorrow afternoon.

Wishing everyone a very merry christmas!

magenta xx


----------



## Val 12

Hi everyone,

I can't keep up with how many names are on here now, but it's fabby to see so many here   .

Regarding form F and referees, I was totally bricking it !!!! but it all turned out fine in the end. My SW visited 3 couples who we've been friends with for a while and all was fine. My best friend is living with a total turd and even he said nice things about me !!!!    . The SW also visited my mum and ex husband as well which was worrying but turned out ok. My SW said that ex's can be awkward at times but they realise when someone is being malicious or not and luckily he wasn't.

The form F wasn't so bad but we didn't realise how much the SW would actually write about us, it was practically written word for word on what we said. We had a good laugh when we read it, I didn't know my hubby baked a cake for his maths teacher when he was 12 because he'd had detention the week before and he didn't know I worked in a shoe shop when I was 16 !!!!! It's not something you really discuss over a romantic meal when you 1st meet is it?

Anyway good luck everyone, i'm starting to feel more impatient now and can't wait for the new year to arrive just in case there's any news of a new addition. I'll have to do more Xmas shopping to take my mind off things  

Val xxxxx


----------



## kizzie

Hi Val - Ive just put a question for you re. AD's on the thread started about health checks for adoption if you get a chance to have a quick look at it.  Thankyou  
Kizziex


----------



## Mummyof2

Magenta - good luck with your medical. Sounds like we are at a similar stage.

Karen and ever - hope your dad's are improving.

Karen - well, what a small world!!

Kylie -


> "it must be disappointing not to have the possibility of an under 18 month old but then as we all know its whats best for the child that matters and the SWs have to make these rules. Its interesting though, because in our LA being over forty doesn't rule out a baby placement at all! They even said at the info evening that a settled forty year old couple might provide a better environment than a younger couple anyway (which peeved us because we are early thirties- or we were at the time!!"


 I disagree that it is what is best for the child - my not being able to adopt a child under 18 months in this area as I am over 40. I'm not having a go at you as you are just saying things as you see it. I am just saying things as I see it as well.

Cindy - hope your ds gets well soon. Poor little mite.

All the best to everyone

Jenny


----------



## Boomerang girl

Jenny,
I am sorry you have taken such offence to what I wrote. I did NOT say it was best for the child not to have a parent over forty. I would never presuume to know that. I totally feel it should be down to the people and not the age. We know personally of baby adopters over forty and this is common practice in our LA. What I DID intend to say was that we are all challenged by disappointments throughout the process to some degree and that I try to keep in mind that this is about what the children need more than what we need- "its what's best for the child that matters".  
I'm upset that what was intended as a supportive post has lead to such negativity. 

I also don't claim to be going into parenting thinking it will be all wonderful- with calm happy days and lots of cuddles. I am sure you do have an incredible amount to offer a child, as do all of us.  

This has always been a positive and supportive thread and I am sorry that has now been spoilt. I clearly have a part to play in that so I am sorry to everyone on the thread.


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi Ladies,

just a thought on the last two posts......i have learnt from having made several mistakes not to email/write things down when I'm upset, and by the same token when I get an email where i think someone is upset with me I give them a ring to see if they're really upset. The reason for this is the written word is soooo much more powerful than that spoken. We all read alot more into those thigns than was intended by the writer. I nearly fell out with a very good friend of mine over once such incidence. Neither of us meant the other person to take offence, but we both did!  And this situation is made worse because adoption is such an emotive topic...........i'm sure neither of you meant to upset the other.
feel free to ignore this though....jusy somethign that occurred to me as I read that you are both upset at the mo...

 
xxruth


----------



## Mummytoone

Boomerang girl said:


> Its interesting though, because in our LA being over forty doesn't rule out a baby placement at all! They even said at the info evening that a settled forty year old couple might provide a better environment than a younger couple anyway


Hey Jenny,

I think if you re read Kylies post she was infact saying the oppostie to how you have interpretated it I think. Its such a shame it has upset you.

Like Ruth said sometimes posts are interpretated in the wrong way, as Kylie said this is such a supportive thread.  I am 100% certain that Kylies post was not supposed to cause offence.

Lots of love to everyone and big hugs all round 

Lou xxx


----------



## everhopeful

Hi
Just a very quick post to let you know....

We've been to the courts this morning and have our adoption order.
We are now finally a family, officially and legally!!!

Bye for now

everhopeful x


----------



## LB

congratulations Ever

what a very special early present for you 

love
LB
X


----------



## saphy75

congrats ever    

hi everyone, sorry i have been so quiet lately   but i have news   we are in posession of our form F and panel is defo set for jan    i'm sooooo scared and excited   just hoping everything goes ok on the day  

pam xx


----------



## Mummyof2

Ever - huge congratulations to you.

Pam - well done on getting through the Form F and getting a January panel date.  That is great news.

Kylie - perhaps I am just being over-sensitive.  Adoption is a very emotive subject to us all.  I read your post that you were agreeing that over 40s should not have a young baby placement as this was not in the best interests of the child.  Perhaps you did not mean this to come across as it did.  I would have liked to tell sw what I think about their silly rules but can't   so perhaps I came across too strongly in my post as it is obviously a sore point with me.  Let's just forget it, accept we didn't mean to upset each other and move on. 

Hi to everyone else.  Not long to go now until Christmas


----------



## Ruthiebabe

Hi,

congrats Ever.......best christmas present you could ever wish for!!

And well done Pam......i was a total fruitcake on the day we went to panel, and they still passed us, so I'm sure you'll have no trouble!

Val, congrats on being approved.....we've just finsihed our extension, so I know exectly what youre going through.....looks great though and worth all the work and mess!

We've got some news.....we've exchanged forms with another LA for a sibling group!!! We're really happy to proceed and so fingers crossed when they read ours they'll want to proceed too! No other parents being considered, so keep your fingers and toes crossed for us! Won't say too much about the kids as I don't want to jinx it, but they look and sound absolutely adorable!!

xxruth.


----------



## Mummyof2

Ruth - that is so great.  Fingers crossed for you.  I am delighted.


----------



## Boomerang girl

ever- I'm so pleased for you- what a lovely Christmas present!

saphy- how exciting! is it early or late Jan? thats a great Christmas present too- there's something really great about having the panel approval through. We kinda felt like it was our BFP!

ruthie- wow- exciting news!! sounds really pomising that you are the only ones in the picture. Hope you have some news soon.

kylie
x


----------



## magenta

Ever - congratulations
Ruthie - what great news.
Saphy - woooo you must be excited!

Our sw is applying for a panel date for us tomorrow for 6th April which is really exciting.  Just can't wait to get confirmation of the date. She even referred to us a  'the XXX family' which was lovely as it is the first time we have been called a family.

Magenta x


----------



## kizzie

Ruth and Ever - so lovely to read your news   
Hope the match goes ahead Ruth.  Fingers crossed.
Kizziex


----------



## lisaw36

Just wanted to say what great news is happening at the moment for so many of us.      Sounds like Christmas has come early!  

Lots of hugs and kisses to you all ....... for those who are waiting, 2006 is a whole new year and it just could be the best year ever! 

LisaW
xx


----------



## superal

Ruth...............Excellent news.................Congratulations........let us know more when you can.


Ever................wonderful news, glad everything went well, it's a lovely feeling isn't it 

Hope everyone else is OK and I wish you all a merry Christmas, lets hope we have some more wonderful news of placements in the new year.

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## Mummytoone

Ruth- yippee sounds like another exciting announcment is just round the corner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ever- wonderful news, your family is personally so inspirational to me. 

Love to everyone

Lou xxx


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

It is so nice to read special news here...

Ever - Wonderful news, enjoy your Christmas as a family.

Ruth - Everything crossed that this is the match for you.

Pam - Good on you for completing the Form F, not long to go now until panel!

*Waves* to everyone else.

Laine


----------



## alex28

Gosh

so much is happening its hard to keep up!!

Laine - good to hear from you.  Whens your next SW visit??

Ruth and Ever - what fab news just before xmas too!  Good luck for the new year Ruth.

Magenta - excellant news on a panel date for you too!!!  Can i ask, did they say why they were fast-tracking you??

Pam - good luck for your panel date.  

Everyone else i hope that all your dreams coming true next year and if anyone deserves a bit of luck next year we all do.  Here's hoping that 2006 is the best year yet for those of us waiting.


----------



## LB

Ruth - so pleased for you - keeping it all crossed that you get the news you want real soon XX

had an interesting chat today with SS - was asked if we would consider a child under the age of one - we are approved for children over the age of one.  I said we would be delighted with a younger child so we wait to see what happens - keeping it all crossed though.

hope we are all having a good week and getting ready for Santa


love to all
LB
X


----------



## Mummytoone

OMG LB!!!

That sounds mighty exciting to me      

Hope Ruby is by the post box  

Love Lou xxx


----------



## superal

LB

Interesting chat with your SW, I really hope something comes of this and you truly get what you deserve. 

Do you think this might be a child/baby from a sibling group in the age range that you long for, I really hope so, keep us up dated if you can.

Love Andrea
xx


----------



## alex28

LB - hope this chat leads to your dream coming true. xx


----------



## momo

Hello everyone!,

I haven't posted for a while as nothing much has happened but have been keeping up to date with everyones very exciting posts & so much is happening!

We were supposed to go to panel in november but due to new legislation at our agency we've had to complete new application forms and much of the form F has had to be re-written into the new format. The upshot being that our S/W resigned over the whole matter though he is staying around to see us through panel which will hopefully be the 21 January.  We will be introduced to a new S/W in january and will also have an extra visit from another s/w before panel- so fingers crossed we will 
be at panel in january!!!

To take our minds off the whole adoption issue we have booked a few days in prague inbetween Christmas & new year which were really looking forward to and 2 weeks in Thailand at start of Feb!!

Hope everyone is Ok and wishing you all a very happy christmas!

Is it ever going to get light today??

Love,

Momo.


----------



## magenta

alex28 said:


> Magenta - excellant news on a panel date for you too!!! Can i ask, did they say why they were fast-tracking you??


Not really Alex...just that we were 'good applicants' and had less work to do on form F than other applicants (I guess they mean that we have no previous relationships really; no other kids; no pets; no tx issues; we are willing to accept a child over 2 years and are still quite young I suppose). But I think the main motivating factor was that we could manage to fit in two meetings a week and dedicate time in evenings to write up all our homework in between. This means we could be allocated a trainee SW who finishes in March who only has our one case to write up and put forward to panel.

magenta x


----------



## alex28

Thats great Magenta!!  Hope we can get fast-tracked too!  We think we are a straight forward case apart from the tx issues which we have spoke about but whats normal to one person is not to another and our SW may think we are quite complex!!!  

Being child free we too have lots of time on our hands and im quite looking fwd to home study!!  How sad is that??


----------



## magenta

Alex,

you SHOULD look forward to home study. It is a really good part of the process and enjoyable; although there can be a fair bit of writing up, things to go away and think about etc which make it hard going too.  but we are really enjoying it and will be kinda sad when it is all over.

Isn't it funny how everybody here has a different adoption journey - no two are the same: even with the same agency!  However, I hope you get a short homestudy period like us.

magenta x


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

Hey there everyone.

Firstly Ever, great news on the adoption hearing. I am sooooooooo pleased for you. We have still not got our date through so i will be on the case in the new year 

We have just been away for a short pre christams break which has been really nice, but now i am in mad panic mode with only a few more days till xmas   . 

Spent the am in M&S getting the food and booze, it was a bit busy but the worst bit was the till line, we were in it for 40 min, but Ds was such an angel and kept all the old dears around us entertained with his smiles and coo's,plus i kept feeding him cherrys, he ate 1/2 the punnet. Which did wonders for his nappys later on, I call the really bad ones daddy nappys and this on certainly was a daddy one  .


We have also had another 1st today, he took his 1st steps. He has been walking with the furniture etc for a good while now and will walk a couple of steps between us when we encourage him, but this am Dh and i were talking and he just let go and set off towards us   it was just the best feeling ever and i am so please we were both there to see it.

Nan and Grandad have been round tonight with sac loads of pressys, we will have to move house at this rate to fit in all his new stuff .

I just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a great 2006 as mummys and daddys, for thoes who are and thoes who will be.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx may all your dreams come true.


Love and hugs

Mandyxxx


----------



## Boomerang girl

geez you girls will have to stop all this!

Mandy I have just welled up all over again at how special it must have been to be there for ds walking  

As for the cherry-laden nappy- nice!

it must be so exciting looking forward to your first Christmas as a Mummy
x


----------



## jan welshy

eVER, CONGRATULATIONS This is greeat news and news we can all bathe in!!!! Enjoy the years ahead.
Love WelsyXXXXXX


----------



## cindyp

Hi, just a quick post as I'm at work, still not set up my PC following the house move.

Ever, congratulations on getting the adoption order, I bet you and  DH feel great to have your family legalised, I know we did.  Bet you can't wait until your first Xmas together.

Ruth, brilliant news, keeping my fingers crossed that you have a really special Xmas present this year.

LB, that phone call sounds promising, hoping a little baby is on their way to you.

Mandy, what a lovely image of the three of you, there will be no stopping him now.  You'll need eyes in the back of your head.  Know where you're coming from with the pressies, we have moved house and since DS birthday can't find any room for anything and there's still Xmas to come!!   

Karen, how's your Dad doing?

Hope everyone else is well.

We put DS in a bed last night for the first time, he looked so tiny under his Thomas the Tank Engine duvet.  I had 40 minutes of him climbing out and me putting him back in but he finally went to sleep and actually had his best night since we moved into the new house.  Previously he'd been waking up in the night but he slept through until 6.15.  Unfortunately DH and I didn't sleep because we were on tenterhooks waiting for him to wake up.  I'm so looking forward to Xmas with him, he's taken to kissing the Xmas tree good night which is really sweet.

I'm going to do my shopping this afternoon, with the house move I haven't prepared as well as normal.

Wishing everyone a wonderful Xmas and a Happy New Year with all of us having the family we've dreamed of.

love
Cindy


----------



## cindyp

PS  Forgot to say

Black Icing (car wheel on the car cake) - very strange nappy results


----------



## LB

ooooh Cindy everyones a winner 

and ds kissing the Christmas tree every night - how absolutely fabulous!!

LB
X


----------



## KarenM

Hi Girls

Just a quick post as I am kn*****ed and I have had my nails done for Xmas and can't type with them!!  My Dad is still in intensive care, they hope to get him a bed on the ward tomorrow.  He is getting better day by day.  He had the path results today which said that he also had the cancer in two of his lymph nodes but they have removed it and the consultant is happy with everything.

Ever - Congrats on the court and officially making your little girl yours.  hope your Mum and are doing well.

Saphy - great news on panel date, January is not far away.

Ruth  - how exciting - hope you get to find something out soon.

Magenta - hope you get the date for April

LB - sounds an interesting conversation with your SW has it led to anything else yet?

Momo - good luck for panel.  

Alex - I am sure you will relsih the chance to get into the home study, but cherish those child free moments.  Although I wouldn't swap motherhood for the world the freedom seems as lifetime ago.

Mandy - Have a great first Xmas and how proud to see your little one walk.  Its something to treasure.

Cindy - Great news on the bed front, I am sure he will soon settle.  

Well best go I need to update my girls life story books.  Have so much to put in it about "Farmer Chrissmass"!!!

Love
Karen x


----------



## Pooh bears mummy

This week just keeps getting better  and we've not even had christmas day yet 

2 brown envelopes dropped on the mat today amongst all the Christmas cards  

They are from the court, with our date for the legal adoption, yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee       . 

So by the end of Jan we will be all legal, what a great end to a great year and a great start to the next one. 

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy. 


Cindy, love the kissing the tree story, ummmmmmmmmmm black icing, one to avoid then when daddy is not around to change the nappy  

Karen, i am thinking of you at the time ,hope your dad is well on the way to a speedy recovery.

LB any news?

Only 2 more sleeps to go 

Mandyxxxxx


----------



## alex28

Mandy - what great news!!

We had nice white envelope thru our door with our prep course report and application form!!! yee-hah!

We can now complete the form over xmas - although being excited i have completed most of it already! - and then we will be allocated our SW in January for the start of a long and winding road.

[move]MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!! [/move


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

Alex - We are seeing the sw on January 11th to give/receive feedback on our Prep Course!  Looks like we are at the same stage albeit yours was posted!

LB - That was an interesting conversation with the sw...any news?

Momo - Not long until you go to panel.  Love the sound of your holidays too.

Mandy - Loved reading your post.  How exciting, your first Christmas as a mummy.  Good news on the court hearing.

Cindy - How sweet, your ds kissing the Christmas tree.

Karen - Glad to hear your dad is getting better. I bet your dd's are getting excited now.

 

Have a lovely Christmas everyone!

Laine


----------



## LB

hi girls

Great news Mandy - roll on January

Karen - pleased your Dad is getting stronger all the time - great news

no more news from here yet - our SW is on the sick at the moment and is not due back till mid January so i don't think we will here anything before the but we will keep our  fingers crossed.

hope everyone is all set for Santa arriving on Sat night

take care all

LB
X


----------



## Jo

Hi
Just popped in to wish each and everyone of you

*A Very Merry Christmas !!*​
Hopefully next year lots of you will be celebrating with your children  

Be happy and stay strong

Love and hugs
Jo
x x x


----------



## molly2003

well dont know if to be happy or sad. we got a phone call... monday to say we did not get the liittle baby that was put forward for us and another couple they got the baby.  due to the fact they waited longer than us. was upset , but then thinking how would i get through xmas not seeing the baby , thinking it would have done our head in. 
i was realy worried about it , but trying to get my head straight. if you know what i mean . i must be the only one that can not wait untill new year and the sw told me there is 2 more other babes she was thinking about for us. flippen heads we only want 1. .. so we must be nearly there for a baby.new year new start. but if we dont have a baby next xmas im sure im going to go on hoilday with my d hubbs. take care girls and merry christmas. hope you all get good news soon. we have waited 8 long years with ivf the adoption... whooo. love molly


----------



## everhopeful

Hi all

Just a very quick message before I climb into my well-deserved bed tonight!
My Dad is quite poorly, his appt at hospital on Monday didnt go well and goes back again next week, in meantime he's in pain. We know that the cancer is now gone (touch wood) and it's just a matter of time, but it's a tough journey still. 
My sister had op last week = complications, she may need another op next week.
Boy oh boy, doesn't it all happen at once?! But we'll get there in the end. 
All I can think is that we will have other Christmases (hopefully) and 2006 has to be a better year! So here's to it!

Karen, keeping fingers crossed for your Dad that he gets onto a ward soon, and they've caught that nasty beast. I could kiss my Dad's consultant's feet for helping our family so much, they are like Gods in my view! Wishing him and all your family a much healthier new year xx

Mandy, so pleased for you getting your date for court. What a lovely Christmas present for you all. Hoping it flies by for you!

Because I've still got so much running around to do tomorrow I think it's unlikely I'll be posting on again before the big day, so I'll say now...

*A VERY MERRY XMAS AND A HAPPY & HEALTHY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!
HOPE EVERYONE HAS A BRILLIANT TIME*

I must get some sleep tonight, because I sure as hell won't get any tomorrow night - I'll be far too excited (like that disney land advert where the parents are more excited than the kids!!).
And one thing was shattered for me yesterday, after all those years being told that elves wrapped all the pressies for santa, there I was left to it, no help, breaking my back! Someone could've warned me!!
But it is so worth it! We'll be charging the camcorder batteries up all day tomorrow, just to capture her face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't get me started! I'm off.....

Hope you all have a super dooper time, night night x


----------



## g

Hi there,

              I just dropped in to wish you all a Merry Christmas and hope that 2006 sees your wishes come true.

        Best wishes,
.
                  g


----------



## Barbarella

I just popped on to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas too.. sorry haven't got time for personals... but wishing everyone their dreams come true in 2006!!!  I'm going on holiday on 30th December to Egypt for 2 weeks, so will be a bit quiet and then our home study continues on 19th Jan.  We are taking our Form F out with us, as we think 2 weeks of R&R will give us plenty of time for lots of thinking....!!  Are we mad??  LOL..

And I agree Karen... relish your quality time together, because before long it will be a distant memory...!!!

Just one personal to Molly, sorry to hear of your match falling through... just think there IS a little baby out there, who is meant to be with you.... when you meet her/him... it will all fall into place!!!  Lots of luck to you.  

Love Cxxx


----------



## molly2003

hi C .. HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVLEY time in Egypt we went about 5 years ago and loved it. it was a lovely time , we went to the red sea. i had to go to the sea side lol.
take your time on your f form as you can talk to your s-worker about this as well. i put all ticks the hubs said what you doing lol. aww then the s-worker told us they would not place a baby with probblems if any with out talking about it first. 
have a nice time can i get in you suit case     have a lovely time and happy Christmas..
molly xxx


----------



## Boomerang girl

Merry Christmas everyone!!! 

and Molly, sending you a special hug.. hoping your baby is in your arms soon.
xx


----------



## LB

Hi Ladies

just want to to wish you and your families a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and healthy New Year

let's hope we see lots of dreams realised in 2006


love to all


LB
X


----------



## molly2003

Boomerang girl said:


> Merry Christmas everyone!!!
> 
> and Molly, sending you a special hug.. hoping your baby is in your arms soon.
> 
> xx


hi girls we had a nice day got lots of nice pressies. lovley white gold chain thingy of hubby and a nao dogs of sister in law and gold bangle of my mum and dad wen went out last night up in the hills . hubby was so drink he was singing to the sheep on the way home in the car ..   he was funny. im sat in my xmas jim jams . its been a long day.
hope you girls had a lovley day roll on 2006.
and have a good new year... hope all your dreams come true.
for get the diets now . have a nice boxing day. love molly xx and da sheep


----------



## Suzie

just popping by to say what a joy it is to read your posts 

so much exciting news on this thread and 2006 is going to see lots of you get your wonderful families 

love and heres to a fab 2006

love
suzie xx


----------



## KarenM

Hi Everyone

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas.  I am worn out.  The girls are in bed (hoorah 5 mins peace from all these fun sounding toys they've been given!!!)  We had a lovely day yesterday visiting my dad and then lunch and tea at MIL/FIL's.  Today is a day for playng with the girls toys as they didn't get to play with much yesterday.

Tomorrow we are off to see CBeebies live in Brum which was a present from my Mum and Dad.  Somewhere along the line I want to hit the sales so I can spend my vouchers I was given.

Molly - sorry to hear that the match fell through I am sure things will work out for you. Que sera sera.

Ever - Sorry to hear that there are complications with you Dad and sister.  Hope they are on the mend soon.  

My dad's now on a ward but he is not getting very well treated now.  He has to ask for routine things they should be giving to him and then when he does ask as he is desparate they take near on an hour to get it to him, not funny when it is a nebuliser or pain relief that he's asking for and he is one who only asks when he REALLY needs it.

Well best go and book my Tesco home delivery slot for later in the week (if there's any left!)

TTFN
Karen x


----------



## kizzie

Hi everyone
Just logged on to see if any news - cant believe how many new messages there are  
We've had a lovely christmas - boys loved their presents   

Karen and Ever - hope you dads are both on the mend really quickly!
Molly - really sorry the match didnt work out but it sounds like you wont be waiting too long.  Fingers crossed for you for 2006.

Laine /Alex - I think we are at about the same stage as you. The agency has our full application form and all our referees have sent their references in plus we have our medicals booked for the first week of Jan.  Our agency puts you through your prep course at the same time as you are doing home study and they have said we should be allocated a SW to start this in Jan (with Prep course to be Jan/Feb). Who knows how long it will really take though  

Got to go to work tomorrow - Boo !!

Kizziex


----------



## *Jenny*

Hello all, 

Firstly please may i join you all.   Me and DH have decided to adopt, we have made the phone call and getting a pack through.   However, cos of Christmas i probably wont get it until in the new year. So i was hoping someone could help.   What is the procedure of things?   What is the medicals like? What is the study courses like? Plus a bit of a difficult question, i am on incapacity benefit at the moment with depression ( what with losing a baby,   DH getting cancer   and wanting as child more than anything   ) i am not on antidepressants, i was but have been off them now for 9 months. Will this affect our chances of adoption, will i have to go back to work before they will consider us?   Both DH and i are at college at the moment.   One more question, how long does it take?   Does it depend on how fast you get everything done? I have set myself up for about 2 years mentally is this realistic or practical.  Plus what sort of age group is out there. I know new born are very rare but how old is usual. my DH and i have been talking is about 1 - 2 years old practical. Sorry to ask so many questions but i just am so excited that we finally have made the decision to do something. I have gone back on the pill just in case. Well thanks for everything.

Jenny


----------



## everhopeful

Hi Jenny

Firstly, welcome to our thread. Sorry to hear of your stresses, and I guess you'll be stressed now about the adoption process, well try not to be (it's really not that bad!) and secondly, please don't be afraid to ask as many questions as you need to, we are more than happy to help where we can. 
I've suffered depression in the past and if you're honest with your sw I can't see any problems, if you can show you're dealing with it. I can't see why they'd have a problem with you not working. Infact we met a couple who've adopted and neither of them work, so....? I was actually asked to consider giving up work to look after our child full time. I guess as long as they can see that you can support the child in all aspects of their life, that's the main priority.

I think the age range and the timescales you've been thinking of are very practical. Our daughter was 19 months when she came home, although I know ladies on this thread have adopted younger (but not new born). From applying it took us 10 months to being approved as adoptive parents, and a futher 12 weeks for our daughter to move in. But this part of it can vary widely from a few weeks to months.

Medicals for us were a doddle. We visited our GP and were weighed and measured, blood pressure and reflex points checked, and basically that was it. Nothing to worry about.
The preparation course we went on, was a 3 full day course, spread out over a month. Basically just learning about adoption and meeting other prospective adopters. Very worthwhile and interesting.
The home study consisted of our social worker visiting us in our home for a chat - approx 8-10 visits over a period of 3 months. We thoroughly enjoyed ours.

These details I'm giving, are my own, so don't take them for definates because I think things can vary from one authority to another.

But what I will say to you, is, we found the process really quite stress-free on the whole and we will be applying for a second and possibly third child in the future, so it can't be that bad, can it?!

Best of luck in your journey.... here's to a much brighter New Year for you and your husband.

xx

PS Happy Christmas!!


----------



## superal

Happy Christmas to everyone.

Did all you new Mummy & Daddy have a fantastic first Christmas with your little ones, I hope so.

To all of you who are still waiting and going through the process, the new year is only a few days away and you know what they say, a new year a new start and I'm sure 2006 is just going to be magical for you all 

We had a fantastic Christmas, I woke up at 6.30 a.m. not the children but ME!.  Our Ds then woke up at 7.15 a.m. and by 7.30 a.m. I told him to go and stand on the landing and shout that Father Christmas had been.

Our DD on hearing these words shout out of bed and said WOW it's true he's been to me too! 

Needless to say they were both spoilt rotten & DD just loves Baby Millie & was so glad that the Christmas Elf had stopped me in town! (It's a long story for those of you who can't remember it!!)

Love & best wishes for the rest of the festive season, heres hoping that 2006 brings you all that you desire!

Love
Andrea
xxxx


----------



## Donna Taylor

Hi all,

Hope you all had a nice christmas, especially all those who had there first christmas as mummy's  

Still haven't heard back form LA yet? we went to info meeting about 3 weels ago and sent off form next day but still haven't heard from them. Should I phone them? or am I being to pushy, should I be more patiant?

Donna xx


----------



## alex28

Sounds like you guys had a great xmas with your little un's!!

Kizzie - glad to have someone else at the same stage - lots of support for each other next year which is great!

Donna - i would not worry too much.  We were told at the info meeting that once we sent back our "expression of interest" form it would take 6-9 months for them to call us.  Needless to say we were delighted when 5 weeks later we were invited for an interview in our SS office which was a nice 2 hour session!  We were offered a place on the prep course immediately which we did at the end of Nov and finally got our course reports back on 23rd Dec along with the application form.  We have completed this over the last few days and i will be personally hand-delivering it tomorrow!!!  So excited but i know we will not be allocated a SW till Jan sometime as the Recruitment Leader is on hold for a few weeks.  Be patient one of the things we learnt on the prep course is there is a lot of waiting to do, sometimes a short email can do the trick.  I emailed the recruitment secretary about 3 weeks after completing the form just to confirm that she did indeed receive the form and when could we expect to hear.  Sometimes an email is less pushy as you are not putting them on the spot to give you an answer.  

One of the girls on here said to me to try and relish the single time you have left as you wont have a moment to yourself once your children arrive!!  

We had an eventful xmas day as we went to Cornwall to see family etc and my mums boyfriend (well Fiance as they got engaged xmas day!) had a heart attack xmas day so we ended up in hospital.  They are keeping in him for a few days and hope he will be out by the weekend.  Seems like all "dads" are having a rough time at the moment.

ANyway, hope you all have fab new years whatever you are doing and maybe it be our last before we are mummies!!


----------



## *Jenny*

Thank you very much for your help.   I am not stressed about adoption but very excited.   It was  hard decision to make but i feel a lot better now we have made it.   One more question, has anyone adopted or going for adoption over a younger child with disabilities. My DH and i have talked in great depth about this and feel that we could cope and love a child that has got some sort of difficulties. I don't mean this to sound horrible, i just think that i would happy with a child of any age or ability i feel i could give a really good home to a little child with problems. What sort of age are these children? I hope someone can help. Thanks again.

Jenny


----------



## Donna Taylor

Hi everyone,

Jenny -  I am very new to this myself so can't really answer your questions but the ladies on here are fab and will be able to help you.

Thanks for your advice Alex, I emalied them today. when we went to info meeting they gave us impression that if we decided adoption was for us then we would be on prep course end of feb, thats why I am a little anxious as to why we haven't heard from them, as last time we spokoe they were eager to get moving

Donna xx


----------



## Laine

Hi everyone,

Jenny - Welcome to the thread!  Good luck with your adoption journey.  It is nice to hear that you are considering adopting a child with disabilities.  In answer to your question, there are children of all ages who have disabilites of varying degrees.  Please ask as many questions as you like!

Molly - So sorry your match didn't work out.  Let's hope you don't have to wait too long for next time.

Ever - Sorry to hear about your dad and sister.

Karen - Glad to hear your dad is back on the ward.  Hope he gets better soon.

Kizzie - Great to see you at the same stage as me & Alex.  We will have lots to share.

Alex - Sorry to hear about your mums fiance having a heart attack.  Hope he is back home at the weekend.

Donna - I would have sent them the e-mail too!

Mummy's - It's nice to read about your experiences with your children over Christmas.  

We had a nice, family Christmas at my parents.  Have nearly finished our homework (for now).  Genogram left to do by 11th Jan.

How is everyone else?

Laine


----------



## Boomerang girl

Hello,

Jenny- if you want any specific info on different disabilities, esp learning difficulties, feel free to PM me I hve a lot of experience in the field.  I think its smashing you want to do that.  

Laine- good luck with the genogram- thats one thing our sw sat down and did for us- we just did all the talking! we did an awful lot of homework on PC and emailing it to her in advance to make the meetings more focussed, but the genogram and other socio thingy she did which I was pleased about. not long now until your next meeting you must be excited!

We are still just plodding along, we won't hear anything until the third jan at least I expect-  but I don't know exactly when our papers were sent as the potential match (before or on the 19th dec, I suspect before) and apparently they can keep the papers for up to twenty days. I'm not that stressed about it just bored of waiting really.  DH and I always go away for feb half term as our xmas present to each other, and I was doing the usual internet searches (we are thinking Berlin this time?- anyone been there?).  It looks pretty reasonable- flights, four star hotel for three nights and it will come to under three hundred all up for both of us!!.  But we can't book anything until we know if this match is a possibility because if it is we will probably be busy with meetings by mid feb, or more  . and we could certainly do with an extra three hundred pounds if it all happens that soon.

So, nothing really to do at the moment other than internet surf, take my dog out in the snow (well that is lots of fun I admit!), and clean the house.  I want to be doing something productive but can't yet as its too much early days!


hope everyone else is happy and well.

kylie
x


----------



## alex28

Kylie - have pm'd you as lived/worked there and also went in the summer.


----------



## *Jenny*

Well i am well excited got information pack through this morning,   read through it and then rang them up.   They sounded very interested as we did not mind sibling groups or children with developmental uncertainates.   We are being put forward for the next induction evening. Probably in the next month.   We have to go for a medical early on cos of DH cancer and my depression but our GP is very good and we are both under the same doctor and he is great.   He has been so good to us about the cancer and depression after losing the baby.   Well i did not expect things to go so quick. They said that it could take anywhere from 9 - 1`2 months from start to being approved.   That is very quick. I have expected two years. However, there is always the time from being a approved to being matched. Well enough of me, i just so excited that we will be started the new year knowing that we are doing something at last.   I had to tell someone, no one except me and DH are excited. It feels like a . I am probably getting too excited but for a change i have started to feel happier about the whole situation.

Thanks for all your help.

Jenny


----------



## alex28

Jenny

great news.  I think most of us that have been thru tx feel huge excitement about moving on to something so wonderful and positive.

What did you mean by only you and DH are excited?  Have you told others yet??

BTW i have just looked outside as thought it was starting to rain and its snowing!!!!!!


----------



## *Jenny*

We have told other people but i suppose it is not as exciting to them.   While after what we have been through any little improvement is exciting.   Well i am sure they will be once thing get really going.   

We have not got snow here at the moment. Although everything is still white from two days ago we have not had a fresh shower yet, however, it has been cloudy all day and it looks like we might have some over night. I am a big kid when snow is around. I   snow. My dream is to go somewhere with loads and loads of snow on holiday. Maybe one day. Next Christmas we may have a child to share it with.  

Can anyone advise any book etc. about adoption. any that you have found useful,

 again.

Jenny


----------



## Boomerang girl

Hi Jenny just got your PM.  I haven't adopted disabled children, but I do teach them, so would prob be more of a help when you need info on specifics.

You can adopt disbaled children as part of a sibling group.

Also noticed that you are in ramsgate which means you would prob be close enough to thanet to be considered for the concurrency scheme (check out the thread adopting a newborn baby).

Some good books (all of which Kent recommend) are "the adoption experience" published by the BAAF, "considering adoption" by Sarah Biggs?? and "Raising adopted children, by lois ruskia?? melina?? I'll double check all that, but do  search on amazon and you should be able to get them all- if you order them all at the same time you should pay enough to get free postage. I have also heard of one called "first steps in raising the child who hurts". all of these will be available to borrow when you get on your prep course, but its good to have done a bit of reading first.  I've also recently ordered a couple of the "Nutmeg" books- about a little squirrel who gets adopted.  they will be shared with our young relatives and friends so they understand what is happening, and hopefully will become a much read book of our own children when we get a placement. There should actually be a book list in the info pack? Kent usually do one. If not I am sure you will get one at the information evening.

As for the timescale, Kent are now fully staffed with sw again so things are moving a little quicker for potential adopters- it can still take some time once you link all the stages together, and just be aware that once you have been approved, even once a match has been identified it can still take a couple of months easily for things to come together.  It is also very rare to do placements in December (Christmas holds too many memories, can bring up previous traumas, or cause unsettled feelings for years after when the decorations go up etc) so although it is POSSIBLE to have a family by next Christmas, is may take a little longer.  

In saying that, while 14 months ago I had hoped we would have  family by this Christmas, something changed once we started getting seriously involved (eg the prep course) and it didn't seem to matter a month here or there anymore just that it would happen. For us, getting panel approval was such a thrill initself that was all the Christmas present we needed.

good luck,

kylie
x


----------



## Mummytoone

Hello      

Sorry no personals but just wanted to say hi to everyone, 2005 is nearly over yippeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has been a **** year so pleased to see the back of it quite frankly, roll on 2006 the year of the Mummy and Daddy    

Just waiting for my sis and BIL to come over with the boys for nibbles and a game of Buzz on the PS2. Did anyone else buy that game its fab, virtual music quiz game if you havent heard of. Oliver will love  

Anyway.......hello to everyone

Lou xxxxx


----------



## julesuk

Hi Lou!

Just wanted to pop by and say that I really hope that 2006 treats you so much better than 2005, and that you are a mummy by the end of it!!!!! Just think............... this time next year could all be soooooooooooooo different!!!!!  

Have a great evening.

Love Jules xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Mummytoone

Aww thanks Jules, lets hope it will be kinder to me than 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004 and ............2005!

Hope you are well and enjoy your dinner!

Love Lou xxxxx


----------



## lisaw36

Just a quick hello to say that I hope you all had a great Xmas.    Ours was family packed and Xmas Day was like a madhouse at ours ...... needless to say as the last of our guests left DH was fast asleep head first in a bowl of roses choccies - so the Xmas Fairy did the cleaning up again.     He was amazed in the morning that the floor had been swept the table had been put back against the wall and the dishwasher was making its last cycle - strange that!  One of these years I will be the one zonked out at midnight.  I think that the bloody fairy might decide to take that year off though!  

Anyway I was following all of your posts as always and just had to reply to Jenny.  I know exactly how you feel about being excited.  

Our last 3 Xmas' have been ruined by either failed tx or the date our first m/c baby was due ........ it has been hard at times to put it behind us.  However, this year when we went out with my DH's firm for their Xmas do it was so nice to have something positive to say about our family plans ............ I am sure you have all been there.    As his firm and mine have been so good through the tx we felt it was only fair to be honest about this stage too, especially as we need one day off a week from 25th Jan onwards for our prep course.  My DH's firm have given his leave as personal leave so he doesn't have to take the holiday ........... aww why does he always get looked after by the good fairy!!  

Kylie, I am keeping my fingers crossed that next week, the first full week of the new year you hear about your matching.          

Sorry no more personals as it is my bed time but I would just say to you all - especially you first time mummys (I am soooooooooooo enjoying your stories) lots of love and happy New Year.   

Lots of love
LisaW
x

P.S.    Roll on Jan 25th for our first prep course day ........... and the next 4 wednesdays after that.  So excited.  Our sw has said that all our course work can be run by her over the e-mail to speed things up so just like Kylie says Kent are really getting their act together.  Although at the moment it seems like a lot of hard work it is heartwarming to read all of your posts saying how much you enjoyed it all so bring it on ..............


----------



## saphy75

hi Girls

Jenny, I'm excited just reading your post hun,   i was just the same as you soooooo excited (i still am really) this year has flown by and i'm sure time will fly for you too

lets hope 2006 is a better year for all of us  

well i have finally started to put together my family book as i need to show it at panel   i was dreading doing it as we are not sure about the age and gender of our children to be   but it isn't going too bad, i might post some piccies of it in the gallery when its done obviously i will block out the photos of family members.

HAVE A GREAT NEW YEAR GIRLS

pam xx


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## Donna Taylor

Hi Everyone,

Lou - Buzz is fab played it all over christams it was great fun  

Well only emailed LA on tuesday and I got a phone call today! so glad I eamiled them. We have our interview with SW 20th Jan at 4pm tehn hopefully will be on prep course end of feb! I am soo excited!

What are you all up to for new year?

Donna xx


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## Boomerang girl

Hello everyone!

Lisa- I'm so glad this christmas was a happier one for you!! My workplace were really funny about leave for fertility tx appts- I think because it was like "how long is a piece ofstring?" in terms of how many appts, and how many cycles, before it all ends.  Its great you have been able to be open with your workplace about this. I was very open about adopting and although 2 of my four prep course days were unpaid leave, they have been pretty supportive since.  My DH's work have been FANTASTIC! we had nearly all evening appts (he works shifts so they were in his work time and not mine) the others were in half term and school hols.  It is hard keeping employers and social workers happy at the same time!

Pam- good luck putting your book together! We don't have to until we are matched soit is tailored toour child/children. How many pages is it? Are you doing it digitally (that how we've started to prepare the first stages of ours, but I have seen lovely versions scrap booked too).  You must be getting excited now!

Donna- brilliant news about the appointment looks like its worth emailing after all!

everyone else- Happy Happy New year!

kylie
x


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## KarenM

New home this way. Happy New year to you all and hope that 2006 brings you all you desire.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,44883.0.html

Karen x


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