# Zens adoption diary....



## zen

Hi everyone

I though I would commit my thoughts to 'paper' as this is going to be a long a stressful journey which will be worth every step in a few years.  

My DH and I find ourselves on the adoption journey nit through years of ttc and fertility treatment but instead through my diagnosis of cervical cancer three years ago.  When you are told you have cancer and that the 'best' treatment is a hysterectomy your world does fall apart.  Your choices have been taken off you in those three little words.  I remember searching the net for stories or information from anyone in the UK who had successfully adopted after cancer treatment and found nothing.  So, if you are reading this and are starting out on the adoption journey having already travelled the cancer road, I can understand how you are feeling.

Three years, a trachelectomy with lymph node dissection, 18 months clear, a local recurrence followed with 28 chemos, 6 radiotherapies and 3 HDRs later, we have taken the first steps towards completing our family, alhtough the three dogs will be outraged to think they are not enough for us!!!!

Adoption in NI is slightly different to the rest of the UK, we do like to be different.  We have approached our local Trust and also one of the two VAs, although these are both faith based.  We attended an info evening at the VA last night but had already met with the Trust.  We liked the SW from the Trust so are going to proceed with them, the prep courses will be three fridays starting March 19.  Once thats done we have to go through all the medicals and CRB checks before formally applying.  As I said, we like to do things differently!!  My consultant has agreed to support my application but we are expecting significant resistance from the Trust, even though they already know I have been ill.  

So to keep myself busy I am changing jobs, leaving a company I love working for but can not resist the challenge of the new role.  We are busy with the paint brushes and sorting out the garden.

I am not sure sure how I feel about the whole thing, I have had a rough three years and so am probably emotionally battered.  I keep myself really busy so that I dont notice the time slipping by and then there is no room to panic, I hope.

Enough waffling, I look forward to sharing this experience with you all.

C


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## mmmbop

Hi Zen,

Big hugs for all you have been through  



  and plenty of this  for the future, may your dream come true,

love, Bop,ss


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## Camly

look forward to following your journey.

lots of love and luck  camly x x x x x


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## Maccer

Zen,

Thanks for sharing, looking forward to following your journey.

Mx


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## Angels4Me

Hi Zen

I reckon your due good times ahead. will follow your thread.

lots of love and luck

angels x


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## kittykat1234

A HUGE welcome and  

Keep us all posted and sorry to hear about the past, lets hope the future will bring you all your dreams xxx


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## zen

Hi, just a quick update. Today we had the first day of a three day prep course. There are 8 couples and one single adopter on the course, all seem nice. Absolutely knackered so putting my feet up for the rest of the weekend.

Only two weeks left before changing my job and begining to get excited about starting again. 

Have a great weekend

C


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## galaxy girl

hey Zen - I'm from NI too - didn't realise there were voluntary agencies - coud you let me know were they are? would love to suss this out!

we have filled out lots of forms and al the checks are in progress - no prep course offerred as yet though! so maybe there is a difference between trusts too!


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## zen

Hi Galaxy girl.

There are 2 VAs in the north, both are faith based - adoption routes is the new name for the Church of Ireland agency and the other one is the Catholic Church agency.  The info evening we attended was with adoption routes.  The message I took away from them was that they would be placing only the ahrder to place children and that the Trusts would contact them only if they didnt have anyone on their lists.  The legislation in NI is very different to that in the rest of the UK and so it is difficult to compare our journey with that of the other ladies across the water.  Apparently we are 5 yrs behind in legislation.

We are with the Southern Trust and they do things differently again.  On the prep course they put up a flow chart showing their process and it was obvious that they didnt even bother to follow it.  We havent filled in any forms adn wont do that until after the prep course has been completed.  Not sure why they would do it in this order as surely it would be much faster if we did  the forms first.  But its not for us to question, its just for us to nod and agree.

Which trust are you with?

C


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## galaxy girl

have pm'd you!


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## zen

Day 2 of the prep course completed. Yesterday we spent the day looking at attachment or lack of it. It was a very low day but we had been warned so it didn't come as a surprise. I suppose we have to keep remembering that adoption is nothing to do with adult needs and everything to do with the childrens needs, or so we are constantly reminded.

The subject of contact was brought up many times today and triggered passionate discussion. I am not sure where I stand as each case study was specificyet we were being hammered by the SW if we gave a specific response and not a measured general and whole spectrum response.

Only one Friday left and then it's on to form filing. Medical with GP organised and I am sorting my consultants appointment. This is where we are likely to stall, cancer scares people and we are likely to be told to wait a while longer. I have the same survival rate as the majority of everyone else but when dealing with a non specialist this can be hard to explain.

Have a fantastic weekend, I am going to tackle the jungle commonly known as the garden!! Might need to leave a trail of breadcrumbs.......


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## kittykat1234

Hey Zen,

All sounds good so far! Your trust certainly doesn't hang around, alreday on the prep course, although i understand it's different in NI.

I am keeping everything crossed for you that you don't have any obsticles and all goes smoothly!

Good luck xx


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