# I am giving up too early ?



## Swiss_Cookie (Sep 26, 2011)

Hello here,

I'm new on FF, you can see my presentation on this topic : http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=272132.0

To make a long story short, I'm 42, DP is 35, we know each other for 5 years. I stopped the pill about two years ago, but we didn't really think about a pregnancy (no monitoring etc.), hoping it will come one day naturally. In May/June this year, I asked my gynecologist to do some exams in order to evaluate where I am standing in terms of fertility (or infertility).

The day-3 cycle results weren't that good for me : 25.97 FSH, 4.8 AMH, 14.0 Lh and 14 Estradiol. Still, at the same time I got pregnant, but unfortunately miscarried after 4-5 pregnancy weeks. DP is fine, we did a spermogram which is perfectly normal.

My gynecologist sent me to a fertility specialist, who said that IVF treatments won't be very efficient in my case (pre-menopause and/or lower ovarian reserve) and that I could either go the natural route or the DE route. The first one has very low chances to work if I believe the specialist (not impossible, but very low) whereas the DE has much better chances (equal to any pregnancy in younger women)

So I'm looking for DE in Spain, but I'm also wondering if I'm not giving up on my own eggs too early. I mean, we didn't do any treatments, it seems I can get pregnant (maybe I am as I write now, I don't know yet, PG will tell in the next few days), but it seems my embryos don't stick well enough because of my low egg quality.

I live in Switzerland, where IVF treatments aren't reimbursed. I'm not really planning to go through such kind of treatments, as the chances of pregnancy aren't probably much better than the natural way, and the cost of treatment would be about the same (or more) than DE - not even discussing all the emotional, psychological and physical impacts such treatments can involve.

I'm really thorn between giving more chances/time to my own eggs or go to DE directly. I feel I've waited long enough to have a baby, and don't want to loose the precious time I have left in "desperate" attempts. But are they ? I am giving up to early ?


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## lou3 (Jun 20, 2004)

Hi there
There is no answer really - how much would it matter to you to have DE?  When I went through IVF (4 attempts, all failed, last attempt had no eggs) I looked into adoption and DE - I wanted to be pregnant and have a baby but the genetics didn't really bother me nor did adopting I just wanted a family - against all the odds I did fall pregnant naturally and DD is now 3.  Everyday I pinch myself at just how lucky we have been but I don't ever think that she is half me if you know what I mean - I would have been equally smitten however we got her!  So I suppose only you know if you have given it enough time!
Sorry that probably didn't help x


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## susie52 (Jun 21, 2007)

i married at 38 and hoped i would get pregnant immediately ... i had all the tests thinking it was due to my age DH is ten years younger .. turned out he had v low sperm count and needed an operation .. everyone kept telling us .. wait, wait, wait .. once the operation has settled down you will get pregnant ... here we are now and i am almost 46- thats 8yrs down the line ... i tried 2 x OE ivf but was a poor responder .. i would prefer DE of fantastic young quality than my oldies of dodgy quality - i wish at 38 i knew about donor eggs as i would have just gone straight there .. imagine we could have a seven year old kid running around now :/ not sure how i would handle being finally told i was pregnant but the baby had problems, due to my old eggs. 
also to point out although i had all the tests in the middle east/cyprus .. no one even checked me for a uterine septum (i had heard of them, had a friend with one - but im not the medical men so never asked) finally went to Greece for treatment and Serum clinic the fantastic penny picked up on it straight away .. ive had the op but still not further pregnant - 2 X DE IVF as the years pass i loose hope and enthusiasm - i want to have 2 more goes with donor egg to give my `baby to be` the best chance of a healthy life.
hope my babble helps.


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## Swiss_Cookie (Sep 26, 2011)

Thanks for your answers -- they do help.

I know that it is a very personal thing and that I am the only one who can take the decision in the end. But it helps sharing our doubts 

It turns out I'm not pregnant for this cycle, which tends to prove that I don't get pregnant that easy (trying for two cycles after my M/C). I know it could work out by chance - as it did for you, Lou3 - but the odds aren't in my favor.

As per being comfortable with DE, I can't say I am. I have lots of doubts and questions, but I think it is normal when you consider going in this direction. The baby not being a "mini-me" from the start is probably something good actually (too many mothers do hope to create a mini-they and are disappointed when they realize their child isn't), but still I think the genetic connection is important, although it isn't what makes a parent (or a good parent) nor a family.

I don't like the way DE is a business (although they tell you that the donation is altruistic, the donors do it for money in many cases -- at least in Spain, Greece etc.), I don't like the fact that my child won't be able to trace his/her genetic origins (well, half of them), the list could be long...

BUT it might be the only way I could build a family. I considered adoption too, but it isn't an easy path either at least here in Switzerland (very long delays, screening of parents, costs a lot of money, adoption associations prefer younger parents etc.), so adoption will remain my "last chance" if all else fails. 

And with DE, I will still have the chance to carry the child, who will also have a genetic link with his father, so it isn't exactly like adoption.

Susiecy, what you experienced is exactly what I want to avoid, meaning loosing such precious time in "trying" when the chances of success are so low. I've seen the statistics, but I guess we are human beings and can't stop thinking that we aren't statistics, and that we could be the exception in the numbers. The issue is also that we see so much 40+ woman being pregnant, it gives the impression it's easy. But I also guess that most of these woman (celebs, president's wifes and so on) are using DE, only nobody talks openly about it.


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## swissmiss (Sep 9, 2011)

Hi Swiss Cookie

I've just written you a very long and detailed message and then managed to lose the lot. Grrrr. Here's a slightly shorter version!

I'm in Switzerland too and my story is very similar to yours. Two years ago my FSH came in at 17.9, which I was told was very high and would make natural conception difficult. After a day or so of tears I put it to the back of my mind and we carried on regardless. With nothing happening we finally contacted Gyn-ART in Zurich in mid-2010 - only to get an appointment for Feb 2011! In the meantime we did three failed cycles of IUI.

When the IVF appointment came around it was short. I was told the chances of conceiving with IVF and my own eggs were 5%. If I were prepared to consider donor eggs, it could be as high as 60%. So I was at exactly the point you are now. Shortly after the appointment I became pregnant naturally, but like you miscarried early on. I think now that it was my body's last-gasp attempt. By then we had decided not to wait any longer and contact IVF Spain, as recommended by Gyn-ART, and actually had our first appointment in Alicante three days after I tested positive! The first DE cycle resulted in a chemical pregnancy, and I'm now in the 2WW after an FET this last Monday with the embryos we had frozen after the first cycle.

I went through all sorts of emotions - grief, anger, the lot. In the end I decided I had to accept that if that's the way it had to be, then that's the way it had to be. DP won't consider adoption, even though I would. The way I look at DIVF is that it's kind of like adoption before birth. I'm fiercely maternal about my godchildren and my dog, so I tell myself I would love a child I had given birth to all the more, especially since he/she also represents someone I love very much. That said, when I see mothers walking hand-in-hand with children who look just like them, it's all I can do not to crumble.

Our clinic had a book in the waiting room called "Having your baby through egg donation". It's by Ellen Sarasohn Glazer and Evelina Weidmann Sterling, ISBN-0-944934-32-3. I read a few chapters and it seemed pretty good. I've been meaning to buy it!

As you say, only you can make the decision. I decided to be pragmatic, but I won't pretend that it's not sometimes difficult. I'm happy to answer any questions you have, or just to chat more.

Take care

Jane
x


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## daisyg (Jan 7, 2004)

It is always hard to give a definitive answer to this question as it is so personal and depends on quite a few factors.

Firstly, you can afford to try a little bit longer with OE before moving to DE.  I personally would arrange with a sympathetic GP for you and DH to have some testing to eliminate causes of failure which are NOT age related.  If there is anything wrong with you or DH, then DE will NOT fix this and you could be wasting valuable time, emotion and money.

You have been pregnant naturally and that is a good sign.  The cause of the vast majority of miscarriages and failure are chromosomal BUT there are other reasons which are often undiagnosed.

Have you and DH had the following VITAL tests?

Karyotype for both of you to check for any genetic issues.
Uterine checks for you (hysteroscopy).  
Thyroid - What is your TSH?  Check T3, T4 and antithyroid antibodies
Blood clotting (thrombophilia) panel to check for any clotting issues.
Infection for you and DH.
Sperm dna fragmentation for DH
Any autoimmune issues? Tests for antinuclear antibodies, thyroid, lupus anticoagulant, RA etc.
Progesterone levels ok during pregnancy?

I would try and have as many of these as possible as you try naturally.

If you do decide to move to donor egg, then you may want to consider coming to the UK, where there is much more information available for you and your child re. donors.  Also, you could consider the USA or South Africa where again, there is more donor info.

You might want to have a look at the Donor Conception Network (DCN) website for useful background information.

Hope you are able to move forward.

Best,
Daisy
xxxx


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## Swiss_Cookie (Sep 26, 2011)

@jane :
Many thanks for your message, I am exactly in the same situation.



swissmiss said:


> When the IVF appointment came around it was short. I was told the chances of conceiving with IVF and my own eggs were 5%. If I were prepared to consider donor eggs, it could be as high as 60%. So I was at exactly the point you are now.


This is exactly what I was told. The appointment was short, too. In a way, I was relieved that the infertility specialist did not push me in the IVF direction (some do, even if they know it would probably not work, it is also a business !) and suggested directly the DE route. I'm not sure I would be able to cope with multiple M/C or multiple IVF cycles, to finally end up with DE.

The more I read/think about it, the more I think that DE is the only safe way. For me, for the child (better success with good eggs !).



swissmiss said:


> The way I look at DIVF is that it's kind of like adoption before birth. I'm fiercely maternal about my godchildren and my dog, so I tell myself I would love a child I had given birth to all the more, especially since he/she also represents someone I love very much.


For me, it's not really adoption either. I mean, this baby would not exist without your DP or your womb. I consider I would be the biological mother of that child, only not genetically. Of course there is a donor involved, and I don't think that this small cell she gives is only a blood cell : it is much more. But still, it's a cell which alone is not a baby.

What you say about your love for your dog is also true : that's actually what led me to accepting adoption as an option. If I can love a dog, which has no connections or bounds with me until he enters my home as a pup, why couldn't I do the same for a child ? Of course a dog isn't a child, but it shows that love is not a question of looks, blood or genes.

I thank you for the book suggestion, I think I'll soon order a few books on the subject.

I took some contacts with clinics in Spain, and I narrowed my choice to a few now. I didn't make my mind yet, but I hope it would be feasible end of October-early November (clinic says it could be possible).

I am very interested by your story : did you go twice there, only once ? (I plan to go once, one week) What kind of information about the donor where you given? Could you (and would you?) ask for some preferences?, were you happy with the Clinic? (and which one did you choose in the end, is that IVI ?)

On a side note, I don't know if you would be interested, but I know the University of Zurich is making a study about "Fertility and Family in Switzerland." I will get soon an interview with one of the researcher for their study, they are interested in finding people in Switzerland doing the IVF and/or IVF with donor. Let me know if you want me to get in contact with someone from the team.

I send you all my warmest thoughts for this difficult waiting time as you are 2WW and cross my fingers that it will bring a beautiful positive!

@daisyg:
Many thanks for your test suggestions. We certainly didn't do all those test yet (except thyroid, which is fine), I will ask my gynecologist if she thinks it's worth doing them. But the more I think of it, as I said before in my reply to Jane, the more I think to go with DE.

I've seen that effectively, in the UK or South Africa (or US) we could get more information about the donors. I have very mixed feelings about that, actually, and still don't know what is best : knowing more or less. In the end, I think that it all boils down to how the child learns about his/her conception, how it is presented to the child (of course, if the parents tell the child), and that if the child is happy it won't be such a big deal for him. I had lots of secrecy in my own family, so I'm probably a bit sensitive about these things.


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## swissmiss (Sep 9, 2011)

Hi Swiss Cookie!

The book I suggested is also available via the website Daisy suggested. I remember reading it in the waiting room and being impressed at how much it covered and how well it did so.

To be honest, I was so cross with myself for putting up with the long wait for the IVF appointment that I didn't even bother looking at other clinics and just went with IVF Spain in Alicante. After exchanging e-mails and talking on the phone we arranged to go out there in early March to see what we thought. If we'd had a bad feeling I suppose we would have looked elsewhere, but we didn't. Three days before we went I found out I was pregnant but we decided to go anyway, just in case (good call!). They were extremely efficient and helpful before we went, and organised a hotel and a car to meet us at the airport. The clinic is small, but very modern and very posh. I sat there thinking "people like us don't go to places like this!". While there, we also had some of DPs sperm frozen.

We saw the boss, Dr Aizpurua, who trained in Germany and speaks perfect German - in fact the whole clinic is set up for German-speakers, though the lovely Frau Dr Lühr trained in Australia and was keen to speak English with me this week. She also does acupuncture. Aizpurua is very warm and reassuring, and more sympathetic than my gynie here, but still a businessman ;-). He claims a success rate of almost 70%, but I suspect that figure also includes people like me who get a mildly positive hcG reading first time, but don't go on to have a successful pregnancy. Anyway, that doesn't change the quality of service that we got, which was superb.

After I had the miscarriage I told IVF Spain and they were really sweet. We obviously decided to go ahead with the donor IVF, and let them know towards the end of April. We could essentially choose a time that was good for us and they worked with that. We actually went over for a fortnight at the end of June, but they reckon you need a window of five days to a week minimum, because they don't know how the eggs will progress after collection and fertilisation. Our donor had EC on the Tuesday (we found that out the previous Sat.), which is when DP had to do his thing and I had an ultrasound check-up, and I had the transfer the next Saturday. The only blot on the clinic's copybook was then, when we were kept waiting for over an hour - me with the full bladder they need for the ultrasound! We were told we could test after 10 days. My test was borderline and I bombarded our contact (you have one person who looks after you throughout - ours also assisted in the transfer) with questions that she answered quickly and with great patience!

Obviously that didn't work out. Someone from the clinic rang me to ask if I was OK and ask if I had any questions. Later, when I told them I wanted to go for FET it was all organised very quickly. It was not getting AF when waiting to prepare for the FET that sent me to the gynie again and he confirmed what I suspected - menopause. The hot flashes and night sweats were a bit of a giveaway anyway. That meant I could skip the down-regulation bit before you kick off the drugs to build up the womb lining, and before I knew it I was back in Alicante with my feet in stirrups having our three snowbabies transferred. It's a miracle that all three survived and now I'm praying that one of them takes.

As for the donor - we were given a form in which we had to tick the attributes that were most important to us (intelligence, sportiness, etc.). Out of five we then had to prioritise three. As I remember there were also profiles done of the two of us stating hair and eye colour, educational level, etc., as well as photos. Aizpurua said that his job was to find someone who had as much as possible in common with me. My DP's grandmother has very strong genes and I'm not sure mine would have stood much of a chance anyway, mind!

I didn't know about the University's study. I'll investigate further and let you know. I have no problem with it but I'm not sure about DP and he was distracted by election stuff featuring the inimitable Herr Blocher when I mentioned it briefly!

Thank you very much for your good wishes. I wish you the same and hope that you reach an arrangement that suits you. 

I think it's possible to send each other personal messages but I haven't worked out how yet. I'm within a half-hour radius of Zurich and would be open to meeting up if you want and it's not against the FF rules!

Take care

Jane
x


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## Swiss_Cookie (Sep 26, 2011)

Hi Jane,

I would gladly meet you, unfortunately I'm in Geneva, so the other end of Switzerland (sort of...) and my German isn't that good 

Many thanks for all the details your provided about your experience in Spain, I will maybe also contact IVF Spain to have another contact/offers. Clinics do ask different things, which I find a bit strange as they're supposed to be ruled by the same legislation. I filled a file with one, and there were only questions about physical characteristics (and medical history), no education level nor personal preferences. 

For personal messages, it's on top of the forum "My messages" and "Send a Message".

For the transfer, I think everyone dreads that time when your bladder is full and you have to wait, but it seems to be the same in every clinic!


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## daisyg (Jan 7, 2004)

Swiss Cookie,

Just out of interest, do you know the exact measurement of your thyroid results?  It is crucial that your TSH is between 1 and 2, otherwise there may be a risk of failure/miscarriage.  I would double check this as it is a common issue for older women.

The reason I go on about this so much (sorry!).  Is that I started trying ivf at age 43 with own eggs (as single woman).  I did 3 cycles with own eggs between age 43 and 44.5 and got pregnant on each but miscarried.

I then moved to IVI Valencia, and tried 3 more times with DE and miscarried all 3 pregnancies.  Finally I was diagnosed with several issues, treated with the right medication and gave birth to boy/girl twins on my next cycle via frozen donor embryo at IVI.

Just to let you know.  When I cycled in 2004, IVI would not give me any information about my donors except age and blood group.  They will not even tell me the nationality of my donors which is distressing as I would like to tell my children.  Donors are not necessarily Spanish.

I am very pro tell, and have been telling my children about their conception since birth (they are now 5).

I am just giving you this information, as in my experience, many Spanish clinics decide not to follow the laws on donor conception which is to disclose non-identifying info.  Many clinics give hardly any info. at all, and this may or may not be an issue for you.

You may like to look at the international board section (esp. Spain) where you will find lots of info. and others who are cycling there now and can help you.

Best of luck,
Daisy
xxx


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## Swiss_Cookie (Sep 26, 2011)

Daisyg, thanks for your comments

My thyroid is 1.92 so I guess it's ok.

I'm also pro-tell, but I've seen that some women change their mind about that once the child is here. 

I find also a bit distressing to know so little about the donor. I am all  for anonymity, but I'd like to tell my child(ren) a bit about their genetic origins. I know that donors can come from anywhere, not only Spain, and specifically at IVI as to my knowledge they also use a worldwide frozen eggs bank.

I know I could get more details in other countries, but to be honest Spain is the easiest destination for me : it's pretty close, we have cheap flights from Switzerland, short trip, good technology. I don't feel to go outside of the EU (my main issue would be how the donors are treated and selected). The US could be a solution, but it's very expensive both to go there and to get the eggs as the donors usually get paid. Plus, I'm not sure I really would like to know the donor - only a few details. So I guess I'll have to do with what information is disclosed, at least if I go to Spain.

My current choice is to go with Procreatec in Madrid, I've seen good reviews about the clinic both here and on other places and delays seem ok, prices are more or less the same as in other clinics. I also like the fact we don't need to go there twice, it is possible to do all in one shot, and I fancy the idea of one week holidays in Madrid  

I'm also looking at the threads on the Spain boards of the international sections.

Choices, difficult choices !


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## daisyg (Jan 7, 2004)

Swiss Cookie,

Yes indeed, difficult choices!  But I so hope you find success with your chosen clinic and achieve your dream.

Wishing you the very best of luck,

Daisy
xxxx


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## swissmiss (Sep 9, 2011)

Hi Swiss Cookie!

Just checking in to see how you're doing and send you a  .

Shame you're in Geneva! Even after 14 years here I'm ashamed that the closest I've ever got is Lausanne!

Take care

Jane
x


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## ElsieF (Nov 26, 2009)

Hi girls,
Swiss cookie - the DE route is a really big thing to get your head around, but I found that once I had thought about it for a while, and made the decision, then I didn't want to go back to my own eggs at all. There just ended up being such a high risk of miscarriage with my own eggs that I don't want to try with them any more   

I just wanted to say that one of the reasons I chose to go to IVI Valencia because they have a frozen egg bank. I found that since we don't get any donor info anyway, that I quite liked the aditional 'distance' put between us and the donor by the fact the eggs were frozen. Its a strange emotional thing to go through anyway, and I am sure it helped me not having an actual person cycling the same time as me.   

I have thought a lot about the genetic / biological link. It is my view that although a donor egg conceived child is not my genetic child, it certainly will be my biological child. It will be me and my body that adds all the biological material! an egg is an egg and just an egg. A child is something completely different!   
I am just So glad to be given this chance.   
Elsie


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## mfmcmoo (Jul 16, 2010)

Hi Swiss C

Try looking at some of the posts on the low AMH high FSH board. May find some encouragement there for your own eggs too. Just as a thought - you may want to give your own eggs a try before moving onto DE - get the eggs in the best possible shape as well as your own body - look at angelbumps fertility protocol (guide to supplements) and look at trying DHEA for at least 3 months (I took for 6 months). Worked for me...


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## Swiss_Cookie (Sep 26, 2011)

Hi everyone.

I'm sorry to reply so late, but I was actually monitoring the boards on the spanish clinics side and didn't think to look here!

@ElsieF : I understand your point about egg donor bank. Egg donation is something quite complex that generates plenty of mixed feelings. I fully agree with your view about the biological mother. The genetic link is gone, but still there is a strong biological bond; if you look at epigenetics and microchimerism, you realize that the biological mother triggers some DNA characteristics in her child, so with the same cells and embryos, each woman would "make" a different child. I find this both fascinating and also helping in considering egg donation.

@mfmcmoo. Thanks for your comment. I've read a lot lately on these boards and elsewhere. I know that with some long-term treatments  I could achieve a pregnancy with my eggs (I was actually naturally pregnant this summer). But I know my eggs aren't good quality, and I would be too anxious about other miscarriages and the risk for the child to have a genetic issue. Plus, ivf here in Switzerland isn't reimbursed, and as the medicine is very costly here; it would cost more than a DE cycle in Spain, with very limited chances. I'm not sure I could financially afford many cycles, so my best path is to take the one which has the most chances to succeed, i.e. egg donation. It's probably not my first choice, but it's about the only one I can attempt. I thought a lot about that lately. It's a shame that money has to be a choice criteria.

So I'm well in my way for a DEIVF in Spain, still sorting out some stuff as of now but this could happen as early as of mid-november. A donor has been found and now I have to decide to go ahead with her or not.


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## ElsieF (Nov 26, 2009)

Hi Swiss Cookie,
Happening so soon! Good Luck        
Out of interest, what information do procreate give on the donor so you can choose? IVI have only given me age and blood type. I have to say, I was expecting a little bit more info   
Elsie


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## Swiss_Cookie (Sep 26, 2011)

Elsie - actually Procreated is giving quite a lot of info compared to other clinics - that's one of the reasons why I chose them. Plus, I feel there is a real human contact with them (small team, always the same people answering to you etc.), not like in other clinics where I got the impression to be only a wallet. Procreatec doesn't give the same info to all the people, though, but I think that most of the Procreatec girls got info on age, hair color, eye color and blood type. A nice thing too is that you can accept or not a proposed donor, and that was something important for me. Although to be honest, I'm struggling now because in a way it's more info than in other places, but still it isn't much to take such a decision. In the end, you have to rely on the clinic's choice, because they've seen you and your donor and if they did the match, it's because they think it's a good (enough) match -- and they can tell you anything, you aren't really in a situation where you can double-check what they say!

But what I liked in the process is that I could voice what was important for me and I felt this was taken in consideration. So for my proposed donor, I know her age, height, hair and eye color, blood type, that she is of average weight for her height and that she is a student. But as I said earlier, the decision to go ahead is not taken yet - I suspect it is more due to my own fears than the details about the donor.

Swissmiss - if one day you go past Lausanne (in the Geneva direction, I mean), let me know ! I've not been to Zurich for about 20 years, so I guess we are even as far as visiting Switzerland is concerned


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## ElsieF (Nov 26, 2009)

The extent of the donor info you get is really interesting. I had always assumed that info was regulated by the Spanish government, but obviously not. We had to fill in a characteristics form for IVI, and like you said, trust their choice. 
One of the reasons we chose IVI was because they were so big (we were told they have roughly 50 donors per month), and had a frozen egg bank, it meant that their donor pool is huge. Our logic was that with a big donor pool, the clinic is more likely to be able to make a good (exact?) match. 
We had no choice beforehand, and when I got pregnant they gave us age and blood type only. tbh when I found out our donor was much younger than I had imagined, I was slightly freaked out by that very small piece of info, ( I got all concerned she spent the money wisely and didn't party it away     Then scolded myself as, I mean, who am I to think these things? Its her body, her choice etc)   
At the moment I think I am almost glad we have no info. Dh has black hair and brown eyes, so I like to think that his genes will be dominant anyway. And because they have a big donor bank, I have faith that the characteristics match. (but like you say its more faith than proof!)  I think that maybe in a way having no info means that I have no donor details to stress about, so perhaps it makes the baby feel more mine?
or maybe I am just fooling myself, and if I knew the donor hair and eye colour then I could picture the baby more clearly without such a big question mark on what it might look like..
today I like having no info    but tomorrow I could well feel different   
Its definitely a strange one to get your head around.
for what its worth, every day that passes I forget about the donor. I imagine that by the time I have seen a few scans. thee occassional weird feelings will have completely gone.
Elsie


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## Swiss_Cookie (Sep 26, 2011)

Elsie - I've looked a bit about the Spanish law and what it says is that the donor should stay anonymous and the clinic has to guarantee this anonymity. But it doesn't say that the clinic can't give small details - I mean it's not because you get info about hair color and stuff like this that you will be able to recognize the donor in the street! So each clinic has its own "rules" concerning donor information, and I suspect that the bigger the clinic is, the less info they give because they don't want to bother with questions and doubts that you get when you have more info. They are not prepared to let you accept or not a donor. Eugin has the same policy.

I felt it was very important to have as much information as I could about the donor - actually I would prefer a non-anonymous donor, but going to the US would be over my financial possibilities and I'm not overconfident with South Africa. So I really looked at different clinics on different boards and checked what info was given about the donor. I think Procreatec being a smaller team and clinic, they have also a smaller donor pool (although Madrid is as big as you can get in Spain), so they prefer to give the choice. It also means that you could wait longer to have a donor, although it seems Procreatec is usually quite fast in this process.

On these forums, I even found a clinic in Spain which seems to give even more information : http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=260558.0 - I didn't contact them, though, as I didn't see much information about that clinic on these boards or other ones whereas Procreatec has mainly good feedback - on these forums but only on french-speaking forums that I am also monitoring.

I also thought going to IVI (it was recommended many times to me by my doctors) - for the same reason as you, i.e. large donor bank and thus a possibility for a better match. And I'm sure IVI has access to much more donors than Procreatec, so you should not worry about it. They have a very good reputation and I'm sure they really gave you the best donor they could find. The fact that your donor is young is good : the younger the eggs, the better for you! What she does with the money, well it's not really your business. I mean, it's not because you're young that you are immature . She might use it for her studies, to travel, whatever.

But as you say, I think that all this donor stuff is very important at the beginning, and that it fades away once you're pregnant, and even more once the baby is here. I'm not saying it will disappear fully, but the thing you should not forget is that you're the child's mother anyway, noone else can be!


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