# Facing Xmas after a BFN



## May74 (Sep 2, 2008)

Hi Everyone,

Last week I had a BFN and I know like most people on here all I wanted for xmas was a BFP. I am finding it so hard now to have any enthusiasm for Christmas, I feel like I have had the only thing I wanted taken from me and xmas is a family time and I dont have a family. I know there must be lots of people out their feeling the same way so thought I would start this thread and maybe we can provide some support for each other   

I am   that 2009 will be my year, and dont want to ruin xmas for the people around me so need to find some enthusiasm from somewhere but at the moment I just cannot be motivated for xmas cheer or shopping

   to everyone with BFN just before xmas    

Pam


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## HHH (Nov 13, 2004)

HI Pam

I was in much the same boat as you 2 years ago. My advice would be THINK OF and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! You need time to be upset and come to terms with this. Don't put pressure on yourself and worry about other people and their christmas, think about you and DH. It's not selfish...i looked at it as self preservation!

I didn't do Christmas cards, didn't decorate the house and i think once i made that decision and just took things as they came i felt better and just went with the flow. I found a good bottle of champagne christmas morning was a great pick me up too!!

GIve yourself a break, give each other lots of hugs and i wish you a peaceful christmas and all the very best for 2009.

HHH


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## wishing4miracle (Sep 7, 2006)

i want to give you a big  

i had this bad feeling last christams and didnt want to celebrate it at all last yr.i had a bfn in  apr 07 and a bfp but mc in july 07 and then dh gran died in dec nov 07.it was a horrid yr and decided there was no christmas.then to top it off me and dh had a bad end of dec where we nearly split half way during tx.

2009 will be you yr    keep positive lovey it can and will happen   both me and dh stand looking at our two thinking that this time last yr we didnt think theyd exist but they do now i know its hard for you now but it will get better  

take care

hayley


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## May74 (Sep 2, 2008)

Hayley and HHH,

Thanks for your messages of support. I have been up and down- one minute feeling positive for next year and fine and the next  . I am trying to make some effort to get things on track, I am behind with study and everything related to xmas so am trying to distract myself and catch up a bit.

Hayley your two little ones are gorgous and give me hope  

Thanks
Pam


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## ayrshirelady (Aug 31, 2008)

Pam,

Saw your email and am afraid to say am in a similar position. I had one round of IVF mid 2008 which failed. My second round was ICSIS. On Dec 12th 08 2 little embies were implanted. We waited and hoped but I stated to bleed on Xmas Eve. I'm bleeding fairly heavily so I have very little hope that one may still be in there.

To top it all my outcome date was due 29th Dec the day of my 39th birthday.

Needless to say my husband and I have had a right rotten Xmas and have not been joining in the Xmas cheer. We feel sad, angry and frustrated and I guess I am also feeling very, very old and very very desperate. I don't know where we go from here now. We still have 1 NHS try left due to where we stay but after ll this sadness and pain I think we need a wee break.

So sorry to here your loss. Please take care unfortunately there are others at this time in the same position. Nobody I think expects us to be joining in with the festivities. Take care. 

Ayrshire lady


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## May74 (Sep 2, 2008)

Ayshire Lady,

I am so sorry that you started bleeding on Christmas Eve, that really is so close to xmas you must have had a miserable day. 29th is late to test if you had ET on 12th?, my OTD was 14 days past my EC and I had a day 3 ET. I know it takes time to brush yourself off, dust yourself down etc.., but at least you know you wil be able to start again seeing as you have an NHS go free. I have only had 1 cycle, I imagine it gets more diffiult to keep positive and keep going, and I guess only time out wil help give you a chance not only physically but psychologically as well

Sending you lots of    , and    that 2009 will be a happy new year and the troubles of 2008 can be left behind

Pam


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## ayrshirelady (Aug 31, 2008)

Hello Pam,

Thank you for your kind thoughts. The actually outcome date should have been 27th December but the unit is still closed for Xmas until Monday. Spoke to the hospital today and I have to keep taking the aspirin and heparin in case by a wee miracle we have only lost one embie. I'll keep praying but I don't think we have been lucky this time.

Really wondering if my immune system just keeps rejecting the babies. Even under natural circumstances I never seem to get past that magic 12 weeks.

Take care everyone.
Ayrshire lady


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## bevklop (Jun 1, 2005)

I'm with you all on this one - I had ET after first IVF/ICSI cycle (NHS funded) on 10th December and test day was 24th December. Sadly I got a BFN and AF arrived that afternoon (heavily).  Struggled to get through Christmas but found that having people around for Christmas & Boxing Day was a helpful distraction.  Still struggling to come to terms with it despite knowing the odds.  It's a tough time and look forward to hopefully getting some answers to the many questions going around in my head at my follow up appointment on 12th Jan.  I think you just have to make sure you take care of yourself and do whatever you feel most comfortable doing.  For me, I just wish the nightly dreams of a BFP result would go away as wake up every morning with such heaviness in my heart.  Wishing everyone the best of luck for 2009 and hopefully lots of BFP's!!!!!


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## dreamermel (Dec 5, 2008)

Hi ladies - I lost my two embies mid Dec and it's been really up and down, like I'm in a dark tunnel, so I know how terrible it all feels. What I've found is that I talk to a friend or family member about our plans next year to go again, and then a few hours later, I'm in tears, grieving. I realised that because it was my first treatment, I'm not just grieving for the loss (and my hormones are starting to level off and become normal again I think - I ovulated approx. 18 days after my early miscarriage at 5 weeks), but I'm also grieving for all the years I smothered my feelings about infertility, because I was ill when I was 33 until 38...I'm 41 now and it took me until 40 to get my hormones back in some kind of order...I don't know if that helps a little for you...I think I'm starting to feel more like myself again now, but I'm taking it very easy, spending loads of time with my DH, dog and cat and watching comedy programmes on telly...

I hope that helps you to feel  alittle less down; just listen to what your body wants, and expect that it's OK to be up and down.....xxxx Mel


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## ayrshirelady (Aug 31, 2008)

Hello ladies,

Thank you for your kind thoughts. Pam so sorry about your BNF. I have now had my BNF connfirmed. I now wonder where to go from here. We are obviusly doing a lot of research and trying to ensure all possible tests have been carried out to see if I have some sort of problem that is preventing me from carrying a child.

I'm looking into immunology testing at the moment but apparently there is no specialist on pregnancy and immunology in Scotland so I'm not sure how easy it will be to determine if I have an immunlogy problem or not. I'm going to get an appointment to talk things over with my GP and my IVF clinic. Also considering whetehr it would be worth while speaking to teh new Glasgow private clinic.

Take care and thanks for the kind wishes,
Ayrshire lady


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## Loubelle (Mar 6, 2008)

Hi ladies, Sorry about your BFN's. We didn't get ours before xmas it was a few days after. We were due to test NYE but I couldn't wait any longer so tested 2 days early and BFN.   It feels so sad doesn't it, but the way I am trying to look at it is that we have a new year now and that happened in 2008 so we can start 2009 a fresh and get our BFP then.  

Wishing you all lots of luck in 2009 xxx


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## ayrshirelady (Aug 31, 2008)

Hello girls,

You know it helps to hear other peoples stories. I know I am not alone and there are many others out there unfortunately in a similar position.

I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday this week. I'm going to ask her exactly what tests have been carried out on us and request a copy of these test. I'm going to ask her about immunology testing, homeopathy and even  acupuncture. At this point I think we will try anything.

I'm still trying to see if I can get in touch with any other ladies from Scotland particularly those that have maybe been cycling at GRI. Anyone out there with suggestions as to what to do or try next.

I'm on my new years resolution of no alcohol, more water, more fruit, more exercise etc We're also looking into a holiday to give ourselves a break.

Good luck to everyone 
Ayrshire Lady


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