# OBEM - I didn't expect that!



## ClarissaN (Jan 1, 2012)

So..... here I am, pootling along with my own little fertility journey feeling a real mixture of things (disappointment, hope etc) yet feeling strong and pretty in control (give or take a minor wobble or two. 

So far I've been pretty pleased/shocked that I have kept it all together. I'm one of the first people to offer support when a friend or family member becomes pregnant or gives birth and have never felt jealous or down. Yes, I am anxious that I am not getting pregnant but I have a determination to 'sort it out'.

I watch One Born Every Minute without fail and more often than not have a little cry at every birth but they have been tears of joy and amazement. 

Last night, in the final episode, the retiring midwife described the love you feel when you hold your child for the first time. She said it was overwhelming and like no other love you would ever feel .......and I broke down - I sobbed like I have never sobbed before. It suddenly dawned on me that I am facing the reality that I may NEVER get to feel that love. I may never get to see the look in my OH's eyes as he looks at his child for the first time. And my goodness it has broken my heart  

I just wanted to share that even when you think people around you are being strong there are moments of absolute weakness in all of us. 

I applaud each and every one of you for picking yourselves up and carrying on after all sorts of devastation x


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## Lexi2011 (Apr 25, 2011)

Hey clarissa, I had the exact same thoughts after obem last night. Every week it gets to me, not the babies being born but the look the couples give each other afterwards, it just breaks my heart to think dh and I may never share that moment. 

So I am sitting here after egg collection yesterday feeling flat as only 5 of eggs fertilised, thinking this isn't going to work and do I have the strength to do it again   but I won't give up

Good luck with wherever you are at with your journey xxx


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## ClarissaN (Jan 1, 2012)

Hi Lexi

Thanks for taking the time to reply - it's comforting to know that somebody else feels the same (although I wish more than anything that neither of us had to feel this way)

The very best of luck with your treatment - hope the ET goes well and   for a great outcome


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## ICLEPICKLE (Jun 17, 2011)

Hi Clarissa, 

I've stopped watching OBEM, I used to love the show but now it just emphasis's everyones joy over the one thing I cant have right now... or may never have. 

I always think infertility would be so much easier to deal with if someone could say to you, you wont fall pregnant now... but you will do in 2 yrs. But with all the uncertainties my heart feels broken everyday.

The biggest fustration that I face is theres no proper reason why... I am the kind of person who confronts issues and changes them, but with infertility bar the treatment cycles you go through you cant do anything to change the situation.

Im so impatient with the whole situation, the wait drives me crazy. The thought that in a yr or two yrs I may be one of the lucky one helps so much - but its soooo hard to keep your mind focussed on that.

Good luck with your journey - Big hugs xx


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## bail16 (Dec 2, 2010)

Hi, 
I too felt that, but to make it a million times worse I see this day in day out at work as I'm a midwife!! And I often get a tear in my eye seeing the joy parents experience as I hand them their newborn. 
I actually cried tears of joy with a couple only 2 weeks ago who had been trying to conceive for 10years and finally reached their goal! Only I was half crying tears of joy for them and half crying terms of hope for us!

One day it shall be us I hope!


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## Sarah36 (Jan 2, 2012)

Hi Clarrissa,

What a great post - it's so nice to know other people are feeling like you do. I am usually a very positive person but this last month I seemed to have a very low few days. I am now month 7 of clomid and completely agree with icklepickle. If the consultant had said to me the 1st year is all about getting your body sorted rather than you 'are trying now' I  would have found things a lot easier to deal with. Anyway hope you all have a lovely Easter, I am going to try and switch off for a few days and let my hair own with a few Vinos - can't be good and literally teetotal all the time! 

Good luck everyone xx


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## doddyclaire (Oct 4, 2010)

Hi Clarrissa

I have yet to watch this last episode, feels like an end of a journey as OBEM seems to have been there during/before/after my Tx's, i'm delaying watching!!
I'm facing my last attempt (once I get my fibroid evicted) and it feels like the end of a journey you just cannot begin to explain to someone who hasn't set foot on that path.
Almost every step has hope, faith, fear, and sometimes - often,  heartbreak.

All we can do is try until, you know in your heart, the battle is won or lost.

I wish you all the best, as I wish for myself  

xx


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