# Private donor sperm/egg ad



## Carolinek136 (Jan 9, 2007)

Please can anyone help, has anyone ever advertised privately for donor sperm in a say a local newspaper.  I am not sure how this would work and what the implications of it would be, what questions would need to be asked etc. of the donor, has it been successful for anyone, how the insemination would work, sorry I am really out of my comfort zone on this, any advise appreciated.


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

Hi Caroline -

i dont have any experience of finding a donor like that im afraid, but i have seen ads in the gay press for example.

we tried one home insem with known donor before going to a clinic because the agreement we had as a three became un workable.

in my experience i spent alot of time working out what and why i was looking for in a known donor .... it can be a very complex process.

obviously it is impossible to know whether the sperm you are using is 'safe' from std's so you need to trust your donor. through a clinic sperm is quaratined for 6 months to make sure it is safe.

there is a post from the legal expert regarding some of the issues of informal donors which i have copied and pasted for you ... although you may have read it already.

there are people on these boards who have had some very succesful experiences finding known donors. hope they might come along and share.

hope that might help ....

Here are some wise words from solicitor Natalie Gamble about using informal sperm donors.
Olivia

FATHERS OR DONORS? THE LEGAL POSITION OF FRIENDS WHO ACT AS INFORMAL SPERM DONORS
A BioNews commentary by Natalie Gamble, fertility law solicitor, Lester
Aldridge LLP
08 December 2008. http://www.bionews.org.uk/commentary.lasso?storyid=4106

I read with interest the article in BioNews and reply commentary from
Berenice Golding about the recent Vitabiotics survey finding that over half
of women would consider asking a friend to father their child. As a
solicitor who has represented many single women and lesbian couples
conceiving with 'friends' as donors, this is an issue I have quite a bit of
practical experience dealing with.

There are many good reasons for a woman to choose to conceive with an
informal donor rather than an unknown donor via a clinic. Of course, the
problems with donor sperm supply are an important factor, but there are
additional positive reasons. When conceiving with an informal donor,
conception is free and unmedicalised, something which is often particularly attractive to single women and lesbian couples who do not have a fertility problem which needs to be treated medically. There is also the prospect of having an identifiable father around, which many feel is better for a child than being conceived with an unidentified donor they know very little about (albeit that the child will now be able to contact him at age 1.

Legally, however, the issues are immensely complex. Most people think that a donor's legal status hinges entirely on the place of conception: if a
licensed clinic, he has no responsibilities as a parent; if at home, the law
does not protect him. In fact, the law on informal donation is much more
complicated. The first question in assessing the legal status of an informal
donor is not where the conception takes place, but who he is donating to.

If a known donor donates to a married couple, he usually has no status as
the legal father, even if the conception takes place entirely informally at
home. This is because the law says that where a married couple conceives by donor insemination (DI) and the husband consents, the husband 'and no other person' is the legal father of the child. There is no requirement in the law for the insemination to take place at a licensed clinic, and so provided that the child is not conceived through sexual intercourse, the donor will not be a legal parent.

The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 2008 will introduce similar rules for civil partners. For children conceived after April 2009, this means that the non-birth mother in a lesbian civil partnership will be the child's
second parent, leaving the biological father with no legal rights or
financial responsibilities. Again, this will apply to all DI conceptions,
including those which take place informally at home.

In cases of home donation to married couples/civil partners, the dividing
line which determines whether the donor or the husband/civil partner is the second legal parent is therefore the means of conception. In practice, if a dispute arises later on, it may be difficult to prove that conception did
occur by DI rather than sexual intercourse, so I always advise couples and
donors entering into these arrangements to sign formally witnessed legal
statements to confirm the circumstances of conception, making it very
difficult for either party to later allege something different.

In all other cases, informal donation at home does mean that the donor is
the legal father of the child. In particular, where an unmarried couple or a
single woman conceives by DI at home using a friend's sperm, the donor will be the child's legal father.

There are various implications. First, it means that the donor is
financially responsible for the child just like any other natural father.
The Child Support Agency (if asked by the mother or where the mother is on means-tested state benefits) can pursue him for maintenance. I acted last year for Andy Bathie, the fireman sperm donor whose case hit the headlines after he was pursued for maintenance for the two children conceived by a lesbian couple with his informally-donated sperm. I know all too well that, in the absence of evidence of treatment at a licensed clinic, the CSA have little sympathy for biological fathers who claim they were 'just acting as a donor'.

Secondly, status as the legal father means that the donor can seek
involvement in the child's upbringing, just like any other natural father.
In common with other unmarried fathers, the donor will only have 'parental responsibility' (the right to be actively involved in day to day decision making about the child's upbringing) if he is named on the birth
certificate. Current law says the mother is entirely free to decide whether
to name him, so the best advice for those conceiving with informal donors is clearly not to do so. Berenice Golding commented on the proposals by the government to introduce compulsion to name unmarried fathers on birth certificates. This proposal is very much in the early stages of discussion but, if introduced, could mean a fine for single women who refuse to name an informal donor.

Even if the mother does not name the donor, his status as father is not
removed. Even if he has no parental responsibility, being the legal father
means that he can apply to the court for this at any time, and he can seek
other court orders, including a right to regular contact, a right to be
consulted on certain issues, or a right to stop the mother moving away. In
making any decision in this vein, a court must weigh up the situation as a
whole in the child's best interests, so his rights are not guaranteed.
However, there is clearly potential for long, difficult legal battles; I
have advised parents whose lives have been made a misery as a result.

So what can be done to overcome these difficulties? Having a written
agreement is a very good idea. Such an agreement is not legally enforceable
in the way that a commercial contract would be but, if a dispute arises
between the parties, it acts as strong evidence about the context of the
situation. I suspect the courts will give such agreements greater weight as
more of these cases arise.

Perhaps more importantly, existing case law (and my own experience)
demonstrates that disputes arise most commonly where there is a mismatch of expectations between the mother and the donor at the outset: the donor perhaps envisages regular involvement but the mother sees him as a more distant 'uncle' figure. The process of discussing in detail how the
relationship will be managed in order to draft an agreement helps flush out
any such issues, and so reduces the risk of a dispute arising. I have
advised clients who, after realising that they in fact had quite different
expectations, decided to walk away from the arrangement and pursue other
options. Much better for any problems to be discovered at this early stage,
rather than after a child was born.

Another option that potentially gives much better legal protection is for
the woman to take her known donor 'friend' to a licensed clinic and to
register him as a sperm donor (normally on the basis that he only donates to her). This is likely to exclude his legal status as the father, but care
still needs to be taken. Many women - and clinicians - assume that the donor signing consent to be treated as a donor acts as a guarantee that he has no status as the father. In fact, when conceiving with a single woman, the donor could still be treated as the legal father of the child if he intends
any kind of co-parenting role. Since most women conceiving with known donors choose to do so because they want the father to have some degree of
involvement, the legal position of the donor is a complicated question.
There are steps which can be taken to secure the position, but specialist
legal advice in all such cases is essential.

Known donor conception is undoubtedly on the increase, driven by the donor sperm shortage and the increasing numbers of single women prepared to go it alone as parents. Having advised on many such arrangements, I have seen the good and the bad. At one end of the spectrum I have seen such mothers happily and effectively raising children with varying degrees of donor involvement. At the other, I have seen bitter legal disputes between mothers and donors where one side or the other ends up wishing that they had never entered into an informal arrangement. The key message is that it is crucial for those involved to be clear about the legal situation they are getting into, so that they make the right choice with their eyes wide open.

For more information, please visit:
http://www.lesteraldridge.com/services/private/fertility/index.asp


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