# have they forgot what we have been through



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hiya ladies I need a bit off a rant and this is the only place I can do it. Do people forget what we go through? Last week started of a bit upsetting my cousin had her baby girl and she's had a tough pregnancy and the baby wasn't growing so she had her early luckily she's ok and I'm so pleased for them. They were really scared about telling me the pregnancy news and didn't mention it around me and because of how understanding they were I made a effort to ask questions ext. Anyway I saw baby and could see they felt awkward so I played mother hen and held her it was painful to see her and everyone looking at me with sympathy and I just couldn't ignore them cause of how understanding they were. I obviously had a cry back home and felt I did my bit so that was that quite proud of myself. Anyway after that we went to my dp mothers who's son was there was his gf step daughter and baby. His gf always had a smug look during her pregnancy! And dp mum was at the time sympathetic with us until the baby was born and it was constantly shoved in our faces And whenever we visited and the son was there we were ignored. To top it off Saturday dp mum held little one and told both me and my dp to kiss her and stop been mean the gf had that smug look. I try my best around babies cause that's how I am I put on that brave face! We had run in with do mum when baby was born as she told my dp by text baby was born and that he basically didn't care but maybe we would if they didn't shove it in our faces. New years eve they all went in sitting room and left me and dp in kitchen on our own so we left. I don't want cause friction between my dp and his mum though he's seen it himself. It just angers me I feel they've forgot what we've been through. I've had no one to talk to and ended up seen a counsellor months ago. There's no talking to his mum really I just ignore the comments I hear! Anyone eked have unsympathetic family or friends how did you deal with it? My partner likes to go his mums and I don't mind when her son isn't there, I just feel they not very very supportive at all sorry for the long essay x


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## Charlie5 (Aug 2, 2007)

hi tinkerbell I know exactly what you mean.!!!!!today I felt so small when during my adopted daughters party whilst I was sitting down talking to a friend my mother in law decided to place my husbands cousins new baby born through ivf on my lap.    Everyone looking at me . I have been through ivf etc in the past and wanted to hold the little one in my own time not placed with me on purpose. I felt so awkward.   These people drive me mad !!!!! Xxxxx


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

honey it's horrible  

People forget about everyone else and get wrapped up in their own worlds i think. I have had to sit there listening to my friends discussing what they are getting for their first mothers day, how it's really special, and how it's the second best day after the birth of their babies. Yeah, thanks for that!   

I don't have any way to cope, other than promising myself to never be that insensitive and stupid if we ever get lucky enough 

Xxx


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Hi,

I think people who haven't experienced infertility themselves can never really understand what we go through, people are generally very self-centred.

I don't think lack of awareness is any excuse for insensitive behaviour though - I have never lost a parent but I would know better than to go on about what I was doing with my mum for mothers' day in front of someone who had recently lost their mum - but people seem to think it's ok when it comes to infertility.

Try and ignore, I know it's hard  

B xxx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thank you ladies I'm glad to know I'm not on my own in this. I really don't mind holding my cousins baby as it was never shoved in my face does that makke sense? Though when I get home I obviously have a moment. I don't expect people to not talk about it ect around me just a bit of compassion wouldn't hurt. To top it off my mil gave me a book to read today I read the bacck and its about a marriage that broke through the wifes infertility   what was she thinking? I like her but she can be very insensitive but I don't want to keep picking at my partner over it cause it is his mum though I do say little comments about it. Maybe it's just me and I'm again being to nice and get nothing for it I've always let people get away with what they say and do to me and its all getting to me now x


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