# desperate today



## even (Apr 15, 2012)

sorry guys, this is going to be all "me, me, me" today because that's how on my knees i am, and I really must be because I'm so not a "me, me, me" person.....ok, I've had the odd rant on FF, but that's just so, so rare for me and partly what FF is for, but I've given a lot of support too and often to people in better positions than me, although there are defo those worse off than me on here, and my heart goes out to them especially.
Today I'm thinking about how to survive my evening, I don't have my own place you see, and whilst that's not great, when you're upset it's even harder.  So many people on here have partners, and so much infertility literature assumes you have a partner - and that really is sickening.  
One thing about the infertility journey is that it really does show some people up for the XXXXs they are.  That is a hard thing to deal with when you're at your lowest ebb, and you just have to hope that you will have a nice family one day and that those that attack you won't make you so weak that it never happens.  But what is does mean is that when you finally have your family, you'll be able to tell them when they're old enough who can and can't be trusted and under what circumstances.
Don't really know what to write or what order to write it in, I'm so angry and upset and the XXXXing annoying thing is when I feel like this, that I have nowhere to go and cry and chill out, what the XXXX am I supposed to do?!  I hate my life so much right now, but one of the things that keeps me going is my gratitude for my mental health, because despite all the massive, ongoing bloody ceaseless knocks, the real, strong me is there underneath it all still.  I'm really lucky in that I had enough good in my formative years to combat all the bad, so it left me very strong mentally - if there's a genetic thing that makes you more likely to be depressed or whatever, I defo don't have it........which is why it shows how much I must be going through in order to be that desperate that I come on here and just rant away when normally I wouldn't waste everyone's time.
I used to get a lot of support from the chat room but technical difficulties and lack of decent internet connection make that hard at the mo.
Just been looking at the "right to family life" as defined by human rights law and it seems that it's the right to "marry and have a family life".  I would like to know where the XXXX I'm meant to find a man who is suitable to start having kids with right this minute ffs


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## MissT (formally MissTurneriffic) (Mar 10, 2012)

I so sorry you are going through this. I'm afraid I have no advice or magic words for you buti just wanted to give you a big virtual hug and to let you know you are not alone.

Xxxxxx


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## even (Apr 15, 2012)

thanks a million mrs turneriffic xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## MissT (formally MissTurneriffic) (Mar 10, 2012)

How are you feeling today even? Xxxxxx

I know it's not much help and you may have already tried this or don't want to go down this route but I met my husband on match.com, have you thought about something like that? I went on dates and it kept my mind off other things. I also did a year of counselling and cbt which I think really helped me. 

I hope you find happiness soon in any form xxxxx


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## even (Apr 15, 2012)

thanks turneriffic xxxx

i tried online dating ages ago, speeddating and lonely hearts columns (replying).  I can't wait for a man anymore, my fertility is running out and I can't trust adoption unfortunately


thanks for the thought tho
ev


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Even,

Have you thought about co-parenting?  Or is it not for you.


X


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## even (Apr 15, 2012)

thanks staceysm for your concern.  I have looked at co-parenting and it's not for me.  Being single isn't really my problem, not having kids is the problem, I can try to get a man later but I'm running out of time as far as kids are concerned cos social services can't be trusted so adoption can't be relied on.

Since I wrote the post, things have got a bit better because i'm finally able to get a place of my own but it's not going to happen for a bit and the waiting is doing my head in.

thanks again for your interest and i hope things are going well for you
even xxxx


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