# 23 and struggling to conceive...



## Emily1989 (Nov 22, 2012)

Hi everyone,

I'm new here. I'm Emily, 23 years old and my husband (who is 23 also) and I have been trying to conceive for almost two years. 

Before that I was on the pill for five years and the implant for one. I went to my GP after a year of trying and had the usual blood tests etc, which showed my oestrogen levels are lower than expected for someone of my age. My husband had his tests done, all perfectly normal. My GP cannot offer any treatment as yet because of my age and geographical location. I'm considered a 'wait and watch' patient (this just means, keep trying for now). 

I'm also a registered nurse so I understand human biology and the complexity of fertility, I'm not a complete stranger to the problems that come with infertility. Right now my infertility is considered unexplained. 

My husband and I find it very difficult to talk about this issue. Its hard because no one considers infertility an issue to affect someone of our ages. Its a very difficult thing to handle at such young ages, not least because its taken so much longer than it should. We went for pre-concieving advice at the doctors, did all the right things, including taking folic acid and even pre-natal supplements from a health food shop.

I'm just really struggling with all this stuff going on, we're both educated people under 25 in good health but for some reason this problem is here.  No one in my family has ever  had trouble having a baby before. My GP said 'its just one of those things I'm afraid' but obviously that doesn't make me feel any better.

Can anyone offer any advice/help/guidance for us? I feel like I'm losing an uphill battle with all of this. As a healthcare professional, I know I'm not immune to health issues but its difficult to be on the recieving end of investigations and potentially, treatment.

Thanks for reading




Em x


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## AngelFace84 (Nov 20, 2012)

Hello Emily

It's so hard and completely feel for you guys! Me and my husband have been trying for 2 years and 7 months,he has a low sperm count and I'm waiting for results on a test that I had done in October where they checked my tubes and that.  Doctors referring us to another hospital now for possible IVF just from my husbands results.  I guess it's just as hard not knowing whats wrong than knowing i bet.  Where about are you from?  So from your blood test have they say your ovulate? You tried a monitor to see when your peak days are for ovulation?  I tried them and found them interesting and was surprised when I was but we don't use them now as doctor says there's 1-2% we can have them naturally!  I find it stressful as because as soon as your married thats what everyone asks you,you having a baby yet?  I would say your only young and will get there but now I wished we started trying earlier as dont want to be old parents,maybe be pushy with your doctors to get more answers,you have to be like that to get anywhere with the NHS which I have learned!

All we can do is hope,  love AngelFace x


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## Emily1989 (Nov 22, 2012)

Hi Angelface

I think it would be better to know definitively what was wrong rather than being labelled 'unexplained infertility'. When I had the blood tests at the surgery my GP said the results indicated that I am ovulating, but my hormone levels are not sufficient to aid conception. I've tried ovulation tests straight away after we decided to try but obviously they did not have any effect! 
We decided not to tell anyone that we were trying apart from a couple of close friends, no family knows, so that if we DID have trouble, there wouldn't be added pressure, thank goodness we did just that. 
I chose not to tell my GP I'm an RN as I like to be treated as any other patient when recieving treatment. But maybe I should?? I know time is on my side as at 23 I should be at the peak of my fertility. But obviously I'm thinking to the future, we want more than one child, so if I'm having problems now at this age, what happens at aged 28, 29, 30, when we want to try for another??!

I will try and keep hopeful and HOPEFULLY you are too!

Best wishes

Em


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## C0nfused (Apr 13, 2007)

Hi Emily1989
Welcome to FF!
Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help you.
Here are a few links that I think might help you. 
Trying To Conceive Naturally with Fertility / Health Issues ~  CLICK HERE
Diagnosis ~ CLICK HERE 
Investigations & Immunology ~ CLICK HERE
Unexplained ~CLICK HERE
IVF General chat ~ CLICK HERE
Keep a diary of your treatment (or read the experiences of others) ~ CLICK HERE
Cycle Buddies (undergoing treatment at the same time) - CLICK HERE
Regional ~ CLICK HERE
What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~   CLICK HERE
Our live chat room has a new member chat at 8pm on Wednesday. Here is our Chat Zone section which will give you info on other chats: CLICK HERE
Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support, information and cyber hugs if you need it. We go through all the highs and lows of treatment together. 
Good luck!


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## NatalieP (Mar 5, 2011)

Hello Emily,

Welcome to ff!

My dh and I started ttc when I was 22 we did what you did, took pre-natal vitamins, looked after ourselves and we just couldn't understand why this wasn't happening for us. Eventually after 18 months of ttc we went to the GP, and he ran the usual tests and we found my dh had a lower sperm count than normal and we asked to be referred to the hospital to see a specialist and we were very luck and got referred. It later turned out through more tests such as a HSG that both my fallopian tubes were blocked and that was the main reason we weren't conceiving. 

If we hadn't had something that the GP could pick up on like my dh sperm count we wouldn't have been referred for at least another 6 months to a year meaning that we wouldn't have got anywhere as my GP hadn't realised I would have tubal issues. I would go back to your GP and push for at least an ultrasound or a HSG your both young and I assume otherwise healthy so go back and push for more tests. 

The plus side of this is that your young and as much as you must be sick of hearing that ( I know I am) it's better to have found out things might not be as simple as wham bam thank you ma'am   

The best of luck hun. 

Nat xxx


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## yogabunny (Sep 12, 2012)

Hi Emily

Welcome! When I went to the GP he just kept telling me it was like rolling a 6 and it just takes longer for some people. They eventually did the standard blood and semen tests and they were normal, we did eventually get referred but they were happy to keep waiting for much longer than me. So in the meantime, I spent some money on some private tests, as you can take these back to the GP, it depends where you are financially. Especially important to check your tubes are ok, so I would agree with Nat to push the doctor to be referred or if not go private if you can.

Maybe as a health professional going private might not be what you would want to do, but for me, I couldn't deal with the "wait and see" policy, I felt that they wouldn't see anything unless they did some more tests!! and taking control and getting some private tests done worked for me and got things moving.

xxx


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## eeyore_blues (Aug 24, 2011)

Hi Emily, 
i can understand some of how you feel, i'm a midwife and actually used this to try and push for some initial investigations- i know some will disagree with this.
my husband and i had been trying for over a year and i was 26 at the time so when i went to the GP's i mentioned that i was a midwife and while i understood we had not been trying for very long in the grand scheme of things, i just wanted to know if they could do some basic investigations to reassure us if there was or was not any problems. I really didn't want to get to where i am now (29) and have to start from scratch. I have had the basic investigations but after a break (moved to a different area and it wasn't right to continue with investigations) started again with a new NHS fertility centre. 
fertility is such a personal thing there really is no right or wrong answer you just have to go with what is right for you. One word of warning though if you do disclose your profession to them be prepared for them to assume you know more than you might. I have found when they find out my profession they assume that i know everything but that isn't strictly true (i do tend to bury my head in the sand) plus i know my husband doesn't understand everything and don't think i should be the one who has to explain it to him.

x


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## Emily1989 (Nov 22, 2012)

Hi guys thanks for the replies
I think I will try and push for more tests and/or a scan. I just feel like I need some answers really. We are moving to a new county soon so hopefully more progress will be made then. Fingers crossed!
Another issue I find hard to deal with, which I'm sure is fairly common, are stabs of insecurity/jealousy/resentment when yet another one of my friends or someone I know socially announces pregnancy. It's horrible and I feel like a bad person for feeling that way. We were at a wedding party six months ago having a nice time, then wham, the bride announces she's three months gone. So that was the end of my fun night out. I just wanted to leave and felt the sting of tears coming on. Anyone else had this? 
It's 3am as I write this (I often get melancholy at this time of night) so you'll have to bear with me.
I feel as if I'm failing my husband, failing our relationship and generally just failing at what my body is supposed to do. I get so angry at myself, which I know isn't helping. 
Infertility is, for whatever reason, hard to talk about with friends. Funny huh? We talk about so many other intimate things with our loved ones but this topic is sooo hard. I see friends with babies and young kids being almost flippant about their lives and the effects of motherhood and I want to sit there and scream, you don't know how lucky you are to have that baby in your arms. If I were you, I'd adore every moment. Maybe couples who struggle to concieve appreciate their children more? What do you think?
I've quit reading women's weekly magazines as I'm sick of all this, we decided to try for a baby, BAM, two weeks later I fell pregnant and the pregnancy was a breeze. And even worse, when they fall pregnant accidentally and contemplate abortion because they just aren't ready. I just want to say, you guys are so fortunate. Treasure what you have. I know every situation is different but oh my god, it isn't half frustating to read. Hence, I've also stopped watching trashy talk shows with people who treat their babies like pawn or use them as weapons. It makes me sick.

I apologise for the rant, I just needed to get a few things off my chest.


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

Hi Em!

All those feelings you are experiencing at totally normal, and I think everyone here has been through them at one time or another, I know I have. There is a "Coping With Infertility" section ~ CLICK HERE that you might find useful.

Infertility issues are still taboo, I know when I had treatment and had to "come out" at work I found out that in a department of 13 people, 3 of the other ladies had treatment in the past, and one guy had a son through donor sperm, so it is a lot more common than people think. I suppose people don´t like to talk about "down below bits"!!! And even when I did tell my parents (I hadn't planned to, my mum said something about children just after our 4th failed IUI and I broke down!) they didn't ask any questions or mention it again because they didn´t know what to ask or what to say. I suppose it is better that way then stumbling into a conversation about it and putting their foot in it!!

I gave up reading magazines and suchlike because it just infuriated me, I just wanted to scream at them. A close friend of mine had an abortion while we were trying and it ripped my heart to shreads. How come they were getting pregnant and aborting it when we would do anything possible to have that opportunity to have a child? If I had a pound for every time I screamed "why me?" I could afford to pay for so many cycles of treatment! Life is just so unfair, I see so many warm friendly caring people on this site who would make fantastic parents, and then I read about people who abuse and neglect their children. I just wish I had the answer.

We have been marked down as unexplained as well, and I had the feeling that I was failing my husband (even though we don't know where the problem lies) and it took a lot of convincing (and nagging by my hubby!) to realise that I am not failing, it isn´t something I can do anything about, if there was anything humanly possible to change things so we could conceive, then I would do it, so how can it be a failure on my part if I am not in control of the situation? If you see what I mean. My body just doesn´t work the way it should, there is nothing I can do about it.

Anyway, my reply has turned into a middle of the night rant as well!!  Hope you managed to get some sleep!!

Sue


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## eeyore_blues (Aug 24, 2011)

don't feel the need to apologise emily i'm sure nearly everyone on here has felt the same way at some point i know i sure have! 
i'm currently sat waiting to head to work to help deliver more babies and often find myself plastering on that fake smile- awaiting the dreaded question of 'so have you got kids?' i always smile and respond with either 'no, not yet' or 'no, i'm too busy with everyone elses children':0) i have to admit that while i do love my job and am happy for those who have been so fortunate to get that far i do see the other side of it too where people have encountered great complications and sometimes i wonder is not being able to conceive sometimes kinder than getting that BFP to then not manage to continue to the end? 
sorry to take over and rant.

keep your chin up and keep smiling i know its hard but remember no one is as hard on you as you are on yourself!
xx


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## Lilly83 (Jan 19, 2012)

Hi Emily

We had been ttc for 4 years when we went to the docs (it's 5 years now) When I got my bloods back and a few hormone levels were out I presumed it was just that, but as you can see from my sig I have a whole other load of probs, I would def look into the clearblue monitors, I learnt from that I had a short luteal phase which can stop you implanting properly, I had use the cheap ov tests before but these are really specific, very helpful if life gets in the way of you having bms sometimes, so you know exctly which days you can't afford to miss

Good luck!

Lilly x


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## Derbyshiregirl (Dec 3, 2012)

Hi Emily,

I'm 26, been ttc a year now and looking for a friend as I have no one to talk to who understands.  I haven't found the NHS very helpful so far.  I've had a blood test (confirmed I'm ovulating) and dh has had semen analysis (waiting on results) but we only got these because we asked for them specifically.  We were told 'go away and just keep trying' and it's so frustrating.  Are they not offering you any further tests then?  How old do you have to be to receive help?

Best wishes x


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## katehe (Mar 27, 2011)

I was 29 when we started ttc and all came back normal,so we were told to just wait. After poor response on our ivf, we were then told to have an amh test. This came back really low. If I had my time  again, I would have paid for this test three years ago!!! 
So my advice is to get this despite what your lh. Levels are so you know how much time you have xx


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