# What did you want to know from your prep course?



## crusoe (Jun 3, 2005)

Hi
can you help me please?
As an adopter I have been asked to speak at a prep group in a few weeks time. I have a long list of things I could cover including matching, intros, importance if support networks, placement, problems we have overcome, on going issues, the highs and lows of adoption really but I am interested in what you want or wanted to find out more about on your prep course.
Any suggestions gratefully received!
Good luck on your journeys. It's tough but worth it!
Love Crusoe x


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi Crusoe,

The adoptive parent talk was the highlight of our prep and was the only bit I learnt as the rest I had read thoroughly before the course.

Our AP gave an insight into how trauma affects her children (bad neglect background). She brought issues such as contact & Confidentiality into practical terms. Support network but most importantly how they have a normal family life just with some extra steps that is now normal to them. I also understood more about why we would need to change our workhours etc if required (maybe I hadn't been 100% convinced before then).

Ours came during lunch so was able to mix with us and done if us asked Qs on a couple basis and this was v useful too.


Hope this helps. But this is a wonderful thing you are doing as parents are seeing the issues day to day rather than SWs who may gloss over or labour points depending on their views. The AP seems to be the balanced view in my oPinion.
X x


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

We had three APs/couples come to speak. One was unremittingly positive and the SW had to tell us how it wasn't all roses. One was a lovely, balanced view and I can't quite remember the other (I think they were also balanced).

One of them was quite positive about contact which we also are, and it was good to hear we aren't the only one as although I know some adopters online who think like we do, at the course everyone was very, erm, "challenged" by the idea of contact (I mean AT ALL, not even letterbox which most people have to do and cope with).


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## funnychic (Feb 2, 2012)

My prep group was awful, myself and several other couples kept asking each other when we were going to learn anything anything. The only bit any of us were looking forward to was the adopter coming in to talk about life with adoptive children but unfortunately that also fell flat as they waffled on about incidental, anecdotal incidents.  
So what would I really have liked to know about... 
1. When you child came home to you how did they behave and did you recognize why they were behaving that way?
2. What practical things did you do to overcome any negative behaviour's. 
3. How life changing is having a child in the house after being childless
4. Have you been offered and accepted and support from the L.A and how good was it.

That's just my personal list of what I would have liked to have known. 

Best of luck I'm sure you will be ace.


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## crusoe (Jun 3, 2005)

Thanks everyone for your comments and thoughts, you have made some good suggestions. I had completely overlooked contact on my list which is a good one as I know it was something I was really hesitant about as a newbie to adoption.
Keep the suggestions coming please - I really want to get this right.

Many thanks
Crusoe xxx


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

Hi Crusoe
I am a bit of a lurker on these threads, as I am at such an early stage I don't have a lot to contribute, but as someone approaching prep course I thought I would let you know I will be interested in all things about life after the children come home, as opposed to the process.

How your child/children settled, how you learned to interpret their actions, whether they have communicated anxiety, and anything that was a surprise to you/that you wish you had known in advance I guess!

Thanks on behalf of all newbies for giving back and doing the talk!
gettina


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

I can only agree with what has already been said, it really was good to talk to someone who had "been there, done that"  

As Gertie has mentioned, it really was the highlight of our prep course and it was great to hear practical tips on what to look for as regards behavior and what to expect after "the honeymoon period", and also, now the child is older, what school is like and the practicalities of everyday living and holidays. The AP brought in several pictures of the child which showed how she had adapted into family life (showing pictures can be a touchy subject) she also reminded us of the dangers of photographs and ********  

I think everyone really enjoyed hearing the practical side and positive results  

Best of luck for your talk, it's so good to know there are people out there who are willing to help out. I know we appreciated  the AP giving up her time


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Hello Crusoe

I have done two of these.  I will PM you tonight or in the next few days with the feedback I received etc  

X


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

For me, what funnychic said was exactly right!  Good luck, Crusoe, and thank you for wanting to pay it forward.


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## custard (Jan 20, 2006)

Hi Crusoe,

My DH and I are on prep course at the moment - tomorrow is our last day. We've had 2 great talks from adoptive mothers, but neither was able to bring their partner/husband, and neither really talked about their DH's experience of the process. In talking about it this evening my DH and I would have loved to know more about how the father had coped with things like going back to work, how much time they had taken off work over intros and the early days of the child moving in. So I don't know about your situation, but if you can offer any insight on that side of things, I'm sure it would be appreciated.

The adoptive mums were both very informative, reassuring and honest about their experiences and the challenges, but we did realise that we're missing a dimension.

I'm sure you will be brilliant, and thank you for taking the time to do it!


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## KJB1978 (Nov 23, 2010)

Please do not take this the wrong way and I am sure it wouldnt happen but from my own experience I would like honesty not a fairytale that you think they want to hear and a mixture of good and bad things that you have experiences and how you dealt with them.

I felt the adopted Mum who was on our prep course was so negative only explaining in detail the very traumatic times and how she had to swaddle her 6 yr old in blankets and baby feed them for months etc etc and she painted such a bleak picture that I felt so scared I wanted to quit.  She constantly talked about how parenting is not enough it had to be parenting plus at all times and she made it sound exhausting.  It was only when her husband came in he told a very honest and different side of the picture and admitted that she could not bear being at home full time so went back to work 2 months after placement ( just hours after she had told us that we should expect not to go out together and leave our new child with anyone else for at least 2 years) - I feel the SW should not have picked her as a person to talk to us as I was desperate to hear the good and bad from someone that had actually been there.

Really hope it all goes well x


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Ouch, KJB, she sounds like a really bad choice for that role!  Poor you, and poor her.


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## crusoe (Jun 3, 2005)

Hi 
I just wanted to say a big thank-you to all of you who posted on this thread. I gave my talk a couple of weeks ago and I think it went really well. I took all of your advice on board and what I spoke about seemed to have been appreciated by the prospective adopters. I really enjoyed it too and hope the s/w's invite me back again.
Thanks everyone - you helped make it a success.
Love Crusoe
xxx


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Thanks for getting back and telling us it went well!    Good on you, I'm sure you did a great job.


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