# Don't know where to start! ED abroad, but where? and do I give up on my OWN chil



## ulman (Apr 9, 2011)

Hi, i am 40, partner is 37, no issues with either of us! SO unexplained infert.
Been through two failed NHS IVF in the past couple of years, told that my hormone levels are very very low, not menopausal yet though. Advised by our specialist that ED or Egg share is the way forward and that as far as waiting on the UK list goes, no point AT ALL due to the waiting list being so long! SO, as we were told that our chances of success with IVF is about 3% and chances with ED abroad is about 60% we would naturally go for that BUT I just cannot accept that we will not have MY OWN child, my genes etc.  Now I know you will turn around and say this that and the other about the ED child STILL being 'my' child BUT I know it isn't. That's not to say that I woudl not love it like it is or treat it like it is but you know what I mean.
I am torn now because we have ttc naturally for a couple of months, cutting down caffeine alcohol and taking all manner of vits and suppl'ts, I am off work sick and so stress levels are less too, yet we have not got pregnant. How long should we try ttc? Before takign the plunge and spending thousands (we barely have) on ED abroad It is such a difficult decision.

Any advice GREATLY appreciated.

Thank you.


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi there,

  you sound like you are having a tough time

I can't really help re how long to ttc naturally (I'm single) but just wanted to pop on and say that, depending on where you are in the country, the waiting lists for ED here are not so long. LWC and CRM in London and the CARE clinics (various locations) have relatively short waiting lists. In the case of LWC and CRM around 6-9 mths. 
So if you think you want to have tx in the UK, don't rule it out - the waiting lists (assuming you are paying privately that is?) are not so long as you might think/fear

Coming to terms with using donor eggs can be tough, it might be an idea to seek out some counselling? Either through your clinic or elsewhere. I did and it really helped me. DE is not for everyone and sometimes you need to talk it through with an objective third party to help you make that final decision   

Wishing you all the very best
Suitcase
x


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## deirdre11 (Sep 22, 2010)

Hi Ulman,

Sorry things have not worked out for you and partner with OE IVF..... I have read and reread the post below because it always makes me smile, maybe it will help you.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=274476.0

And if you go one step further, into "Donor Eggs" and read around a bit, I think you may find other people's writings reflect your own questions.

It took me months to get my head around DE IVF, and the process of going forward doesn't start when you put to rest grieving for OE, it's more like it's parallel. At the end of the day, that's what it took to have a child, so I did it, and don't regret doing it, but do regret that I couldn't do OE. If that makes sense?

Will my kids see sadness or regret in my eyes sometimes that they are not OE? I hope not, because they are the best kids in the world, and they're mine.

Good luck on your journey, D


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## mfmcmoo (Jul 16, 2010)

Have a look at some of my earlier posts http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=268692.0

Maybe don't give up on your own eggs just yet - prep and cleanse your body and maybe give it 6 months to repond - vitamins, acupuncture, wheat grass, definately look into DHEA (take for min of 3 months, but I took for 6 months before I got a result) etc

Then - when you have given it the best possible shot, you may be more at ease with other options.

Good luck


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