# No free IVF for people with partners/husbands with children????



## marleymoo (Nov 22, 2011)

Hi everyone.

I'm Abi and new to FF. 
Having recently learnt that I will need IVF I am confused that I will not receive this on the NHS because my DP has two children from a previous relationship. Seems unfair, almost discriminatory. I get it that the NHS has to draw a line with spending but to deprive a woman who 'medically' cannot have a child the option of trying seems brutal.
Cost is going to be a big factor in our next steps and this just seems nuts. I feel ill when I have to ask for costs. It feels wrong, so wrong.
Can anyone shed any light please? Loop holes? I really feel like writing to my MP but then I think what's the point. Little old angry Abi won't change anything  
Gutted
xx


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

hi Abi 
i know what you mean it seems totally unfair on you. why should you suffer. my hubby has a child and at first we were refused funding for IUI, however our PCT changed the criteria and as his daughter doesn't live with us we will be given funding,. just waiting to start now as now they've said despite his swimmers being great his bmi is too high... more boxes to tick 
its worth questioning the criteria of your local pct though.. just in case,...... 
good luck 
xx


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## marleymoo (Nov 22, 2011)

Hey Elli,
thanks for the advice, I will do that to get a clearer picture. I'm glad you got the funding in the end. I hope all goes well hun xx


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

it'll prob mean reading loads of boring info on your pct website but will be worth it if you can find a way around it. dont give up.
xx


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## nichub (Sep 2, 2010)

Hi marleymoo, I'm in the same boat, and if I had a different partner I would have got nhs funding for ivf!! Not fair I know, I ended up doing an egg share programme which cuts the cost massively, it's not for everyone though but if you think you could egg share it might be worth looking into 

Nic
Xx


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## marleymoo (Nov 22, 2011)

Hi hun, I am open to egg sharing. I have contacted a clinic that I found online but the initial phonecall freaked me out. I asked to speak to the person who had emailed me and the receptionist asked "oh, for the free IVF?". It felt weird having someone say "free" it's not like this is free choice and I am prob over sensitive at the min. Do you mind me asking who you went with hun? Good luck with your journey xx


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## nichub (Sep 2, 2010)

I'm with care in Manchester, but there are loads of clinics who do it all over the country, where abouts are you??

Nic
Xx


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## marleymoo (Nov 22, 2011)

I'm in the North East hun. Newcastle xx


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## nichub (Sep 2, 2010)

There is a care fertility clinic over that way I'm sure, have a look on their website hun

Good luck with whatever you decide and I'm happy to answer any questions that you may have 

Nic
Xx


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## cheekycat1 (Feb 3, 2011)

I know, it's disgraceful isn't it. Pct's set their own rules despite government 'guidelines', so they can discriminate as they wish. In my area I understand they stopped NHL funding for ivf t all, then opened it up for a year, then they stopped it again. However they never gave funding for ivf with donor eggs, so the very people who didnt even have the option of egg sharing have had to fund themselves or give up altogether. Good luck and I hope you do manage to persuade your pct or decide to egg share x


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## katy5 (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi, I had the same happen to me!! I was 35 at the time- my partner had had a vasectomy and the reversal wasnt successful but we couldnt get any ICSI free because he has 2 kids already- even though i dont!! Since then in the past 5 years- we saved and had 2 unsuccessful attempts with ICSI at the ARGC and then 6 goes with donor sperm- i got pregnant on the first go but then had an early miscarriage, but then the next 5 goes were unsuccessful!! anyway financially i am not not in a great position, i left my partner 6 months ago (think this put a lot of stress on us both) and recently tried to apply to get a free go of donor IVF (i offered to pay for the donor sperm) but this time i got rejected because i am single!!! Who on earth has the right to say that a single person cant bring up a child just as well- esp since 1 in 3 marriages ends in divorce! I was first discriminated against because my partner had kids previously and am now discriminated against because i am single!!!! My Gp is furious and is appealing to the single patient panel- am not expecting it to be successful but may be worth you chatting to your Gp about appeal- thanks katy


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## mandimoo (Feb 28, 2011)

I know my circumstances are a bit different to yours, but to be honest I think you have more of a case than I did as I think the rule you are victim to is incredibly unfair.....

I was recently promised 1xIVF and 3xIUI on NHS.  Things went badly, lots of time passed and I was weeks away from age 40 (the absolute cut off for IVF funding where I live).  I went back to my fertility clinic to be told that the PCT had run out of money and I could no longer have the 3xIUI.  I had just lost a pregnancy and I was truly a woman scorned and I went on a right mission!  I contacted PALS, but I felt I needed to be more proactive.  So, I got a copy of my pct's guideline for fertility treatment, and a copy of the national guidelines (by NICE).  They differ you see, and right there are grounds for appeal (not saying it will always be successful mind).  I also wrote to my MP and got a face to face meeting with him at one of his surgeries.  He took all the details that I had been offered one thing, but when it came to it was told I could not have it.  I dont know what happened in the background, but sure enough I was invited back for my goes at IUI (about a week before my 40th birthday!).  Sadly my tubes turned out to be the problem, and they discovered this prior to starting and so all my fight was for nothing.  But I did it and Im so glad I did.  

I just wanted you to know that " Little old angry Abi" might change something if she fights!  Good Luck


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## marleymoo (Nov 22, 2011)

Hi Katy, thank you for sharing your situation with me. It's terrible isn't it. The NHS is pants. Great idea about getting my GP on board. He is already unhappy with the way I have been treated in terms of my theatre letter from my LAP. It didn't even make sense, which was even clear to me and I have no medical background whatsoever!
I am sorry to read you split from your partner, I can already see how this is affected my relationship. I have taken to trying to cry in the shower or bedroom. How sad   Good for you for wanting to continue. I know plenty of single parents who all do a terrific job 
Good luck with your appeal. I hope everything works out for you.
Hugs,
Abi


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## marleymoo (Nov 22, 2011)

Dear Mandymoo (from one moo to another )
Your reply has me in tears. I truly respect and admire your courage to fight for your rights and whilst I am so sorry to read that it didn't go the way you wanted, I want to congratulate you on having the courage to stick up for yourself.

I will defiantly look into what I can. I have already written to my consultant today as his theatre letter from my LAP is wrong! Heck, I may as well start sticking up for myself and challenging the status quo. Discrimination on any level is appalling.

Thank you for giving me the inspiration to at least try. Hey, I'm angry on all levels at the min. May as well direct it at big wigs instead of the people I love and adore.

Hugs,
Abi


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## KaitsWishOnAMoonbeam (Mar 1, 2011)

Same boat here too  

DF has children from a previous relationship and had vasectomy... Our PCT will NOT fund anything fertility related because when he had the snip in the first place (on Dr's recommendation i might add) he opted out of the NHS! That was the panels exact words when we went to appeal. Add in the fact he still has a surviving son from that relationship and we practically got laughed out of the door  We paid for a reversal ourselves which worked but sadly his motility and morphology are so poor that us catching without ICSI would be a miracle... either that or i'll have to start calling myself Mary   

We're currently saving for one try of ICSI as unless they let me egg share £5000 is as much as we can stretch to  

I could so easily get on my soapbox about the NHS and its double standards but i won't... typing and deleting will get it out of my system lol.  

You never know, maybe one day by some miracle they'll give everybody 3 goes free regardless of previous children in a relationship, or anyone who wants to go it alone.  - pipe dreams  

One voice shouting in a crowd may not be heard but many voices shouting the same can't be missed 

Good luck ladies!!!!


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## marleymoo (Nov 22, 2011)

Hi Kaitlyn,

Yeah, having lived overseas I got to experience private medical care and boy does the NHS suck on all levels. When I went for my LAP they had me booked in for 3 days to recover and had the wrong blood on supply for a blood transfusion!!!!!! When I questioned why on earth this was necessary for a minimal op they said it was because of my blood condition and platelets problem. I was furious, it's my partner with the blood problem, not me and we are not even the same blood group! At that point, my confidence in the NHS was done and dusted and the discrimination of IVF just does my head in (probably need to learn to type and delete like you )
I hope your treatment works for you. I am considering going to Istanbul for my treatment as I lived there for a long time and my sister is there and the treatment is less expensive than the UK. Firstly, I need to get a DX and ultrasound and then start planning my next-steps without going bonkers in the process!!
Hugs,
Abi


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## adele louise (Mar 16, 2012)

hey ladies

my hubby has a 19 daughter and we have still managed to get 3 tries on nhs, had 2 fails so far  . he tests ok, i have blocked tubes which cant be fixed, so wont be able to conceive naturally.
does it depend on where you live??, we are in norfolk, once we have the retrieval, we then go to bourn hall in cambridge. our local gp told us it shouldn't matter that my hubby has had a child, only if we had had one together!
adele x


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## moocat (Aug 12, 2008)

Hi everyone
It makes me sad to read everyones stories regarding NHS funding for IVF. 
I was in the same boat as most of you as my DH had a 21 year old DD from a previous relationship and we were refused funding because of this. We went on to do egg share with LWC in swansea but unfortunately had BFN both times (Marleymoo LWC have a clinic in darlington which do egg share). 
I went through the whole appeal process to try and get funding but was still refused (an added stress when you are already going through very stressful fertility investigations/treatment). However, once i completed my egg share cycles i decided to write to the local MP (who was fantastic!) and the chief executive of the PCT to complain how unfair it is that i have been refused funding on the basis that my DH had a child although i had a medical reason why i needed treatment via IVF. From this the chief executive promised to review their current criteria and at the end of last year i received a letter to say they have changed the criteria and i am now entitled to one nhs funded cycle of IVF!!! as you can imagine we are overjoyed and are now waiting to receive our invitation to the clinics open evening.
So my message to you all is don't give up and if you feel strongly then its worth a fight. I will say its not easy and standing in front of medical panels etc to explain why you should receive funding is terrifying but i can honestly say it was worth it. We are now just hoping for a BFP which would be the cherry on top of the cake!
Good luck x


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## marleymoo (Nov 22, 2011)

Hi Moocat,

Thank you for your response. Every message I reads give me the inspiration to do this, so stuff it, the gloves are off and I'm going to go for it. I also have some friends who work in law so hopefully they can guide me a little or at least proof read my letters for expletives lol

I am so glad that you are being given the chance for one more round and I really hope that everything works out well for you. Thanks for also pointing me in the direction of the clinic in Darlington. I will be defiantly giving egg sharing some serious thought.

Hugs,

Abi
(Marleymoo is my cat  ) xx


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## longing4baby (Feb 3, 2012)

marleymoo said:


> Hi
> 
> Hi Marleymoo just to let you know ive 2 children and have unexplained infertiltity x 3 years and we are allowed 1 go at IVF we did try IUI first so you will prob have to try that first
> 
> ...


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## marleymoo (Nov 22, 2011)

Hi,

Thank you for your reply. I am actually just in the process of writing to my GP to ask for his support and I am about to write to my MP too! Feels strange doing this but heck, what have I got to lose?

IUI wouldnt work for me hun and I have been told that IVF is my only chance. 

Good luck with your IVF.

Abi

xx


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## longing4baby (Feb 3, 2012)

marleymoo said:


> Hi,
> 
> Thank you for your reply. I am actually just in the process of writing to my GP to ask for his support and I am about to write to my MP too! Feels strange doing this but heck, what have I got to lose?
> 
> ...


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## moocat (Aug 12, 2008)

Good for you marleymoo! Go get them!!  

Check out the fertility network uk website. They have loads of info on appealing for funding including template letters to use. I found their information invaluable. If you want any advice or have any questions feel free to pm me - I am happy to help. 

I will be keeping everything crossed that you get funding x


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## marleymoo (Nov 22, 2011)

Sent you a PM - thanks moocat 

Letters are ready for posting xx


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## Elle80 (Feb 21, 2012)

Hi 

I thought I would add my little bit in here also.  Sorry if it's rather long.......

We had tests done to see why we couldn't have children (2010) and was told that it was me who needed tubes removing as they were blocked.  We thought is was DP who has suboptimal sperm.  I was told that they would fix my tubes but that we couldn't have any NHS funded IVF / ICSI due to me having DD age12.  I thought that this was very unfair as my DP who loves DD to pieces wasn't going to get the chance to be a biological father.

I had the operation March (2011) and was referred to a private clinic.  

We then decided that since we have paid taxes why should be have to pay for treatment as they were discriminating against my DP.  Once I had recovered from my op I started to look into the PCT's policy that seemed to be hidden on the net but I found it eventually.  It didn't say anything about children from previous relationship.  I then went into see the doctor who promised he would find out if there was a way we could appeal or be referred.  

He came back to me saying that new funding was now available (April) at that there was a chance I could get referred but I would need the consultant (who had done the test and op) to do this as they could refer direct.

Anyway we got referred for test in September to take place in October and got results back in Jan, signed forms and had been approved for funding.

All I can say is that it is worth pursuing as there is a chance that they may get new funding or review there policy.

We have now been accepted for treatment and will be having injection teach a week on Monday.

Hope this helps, at times I have felt really low knowing that there is no chance of a natural pregnancy, then sort of gotten over it and moved on, then someone will announce that they are pregnant, which has dragged it all back - even though you are genuinely happy for them.  It has been such a roller coaster to get here hopefully it wont be as bumpy any more.

Good Luck and try not to let them get to you.


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## Rose10 (Aug 14, 2011)

Hello 

This infuriates both me and my DH. 
My DH has children from a previous relationship where he was bribed in to having the clips done other wise he wouldn't be aloud to See his kids again with she has done anyway. 

we've had two ops and unfortunately my DH had a blow out so we have now got to got for ivf/icsi and pesa/tesa. 

we went to ivf Bord at our local hospital and they made it perfectly clear that the wouldn't fund our ivf because my DH as got kids from previous relationship ( even tho he doesn't see them and even tho i have no children) they point blank refused. 

I'm now Doing eggsharing with lwc as as well as being able to help another it also helps me dramatically with the costs. 

I cannot understand how the nhs can refuse somebody there human rights of being a mother/farther its absolutely disgraceful. 

I hope the rest of you Lady's manage to find a way around it or find away you can have your dream with out the massive disappoint meant of the nhs or the massive cost drain 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx       xx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## nichub (Sep 2, 2010)

I'm with you rose I am appalled and decided to egg share like yourself

Hope you get your bfp 

Nic
Xx


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## marleymoo (Nov 22, 2011)

It really is a terrible way to be treated. I am so sad to read that there are so many people in a similar position to me.

I have made it my anger release, by writing letters and jumping up and down!!!! Hopefully I will get noticed!!

Good luck to everyone on their journeys...

I am speaking to a clinic on Friday regarding egg sharing. I am nervous but though I should at least find out the details.

Hugs,

Abi

xx


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## Rose10 (Aug 14, 2011)

Good luck for friday in regards to your egg sharing fingers crossed for you marleymoo xxxx


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## marleymoo (Nov 22, 2011)

Thanks Rose. It's just a bit of information gathering but I'm finding that the more research I do, the more preoccupied I am which means I have less time to get stressed!! xx


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## moocat (Aug 12, 2008)

Hi marleymoo

Just wondered if you had received any responses to the letters you wrote?


Moocat x


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## L_ouise (Sep 23, 2010)

I know it's unfair but I guess it's just the lesser evil to not fund people with partners with children because to allow it would pretty much allow a women who'd had her funded cycles to simply find herself a new partner with no children to get another lot of free goes to satisfy his right to have funded cycles.

I do think it should be much easier to appeal and have the decision over turned and I really hope you get the funding you clearly deserve xx


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## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

I don't think that would be true as you have to declare whether you have had any IVF before  - some places won't fund if you have had previous IVF even if self funded and certainly won't if you have had many failed treatments.

We were in a similar position and it made me really, really angry.    I've paid my taxes, my parents paid theirs and I have worked very hard for the NHS all my working life! Not only me being denied a baby due to the past history of the man I married, but my parents being denied grandchildren.
My DH had a child many years ago now with an ex partner. Since we found out that he has complete testicular failure there is a possible question over this child now, but because he has a parental responsibility order he is the parent. We had to fight in court to get access to the child, paying our own legal costs, whilst the ex got legal aid to fight us. Also we had to pay her more than our mortgage cost in CSA payments, while she did not work.

I have blocked tubes - my own medical reason for requiring treatment - IVF with donor sperm, yet we could not get any funding. 

It is simply a way to cut down numbers. When they say they offer one or two cycles of treatment to people in an area they do not say about the hundreds they manage to turn away due to one reason or another. 

The thing that really made me angry is that the speech in Parliament from the Health Minister welcoming the NICE guidelines said that priority would be given to couples without children living WITH them. It did not say NO LIVING CHILDREN - which is a different thing. The PCTs have taken this and said that neither partner in a new relationship can have any child dead or alive anywhere in the world and of any age.

This is very discriminatory to the person with a medical condition that needs treatment. No other condition in medicine are you not treated because of something to do with a partner's social status.


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## dreamer01 (Apr 14, 2011)

The nhs is shocking, I think it's disgusting that they will refuse u ivf cos ur partner has kids. My partner has 2 kids with ex, we get 3 shots of ivf on nhs cos they don't live with us, although they have taken one shot away cos we went private, should be same rule everywhere xx


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