# mealtimes



## Jo09 (Oct 12, 2009)

Hi all

I am finding mealtimes so stressful as its like a chimps tea party. Hands in the food, forks waving in the air with bits of food flying off, rubbing food all round the face, rubbing spoon and sauce on table etc etc. my 2 and a half year old is the worst but he is egged on by my 3 year old laughing and doing the same.

I sit with them at the table and have tried ignoring them or leaving the table but they just escalate into full blown food fight throwing food at each other whilst laughing their heads off!
I have tried distraction, asking them about things we've done that day.

I've tried no treat afterwards and they have often lost out on yoghurt or ice cream (tonight included!)

I've tried feeding them what they ask for ....

I've explained its OK to say when they've had enough ( as much as you can to toddlers but they are both very bright)

Nothing seems to work.


they are not like this when we eat out. as with their behaviour generally, they are worse in the house, home seems like a battleground.

Any tips for managing mealtimes?


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Gosh, that is funny for anyone who is not actually trying to manage it   It sounds stressful.

The only thing I can think might work is to separate them and do two sittings?  Not a perfect solution but it might break the cycle of bad behaviour at meal times :-(

I hope things improve.
x


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

Do they have an alternative time to do messy play with food?


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## dandlebean (Feb 24, 2013)

I feel your pain!   I loathe mealtimes! 

Although my two are younger, they sound quite similar. The younger one just throws her food all over the floor, at the windows/doors (we eat in the conservatory) or at me. She'll pick up pieces of food she doesn't like and just toss them wherever. It's not a case of being curious about cause/effect, as she doesn't even watch where it's going half the time. Even food she does like sometimes gets chucked, then she'll cry for it and SCREAMS like she's being tortured if I take anything away. She sometimes tips bowls all over her head. She smears food on her face and in her hair every-single-meal. Bananas are the worst. She'll squish them between her hands and then rub her hands in her hair. If I try to feed her, she'll often push the spoon/fork away, knocking it from my hand. If I don't feed her and let her do it herself, she'll just throw the spoon/fork and use her hands/face to eat instead. I really am at a loss as to what to do. I'm really just praying it's a stage she'll grow out of. Oh and she refuses to wear bibs and just pulls them off, whether it's round the neck or over the head. 

My son (who's 2 and a half) isn't quite as bad, but he does manage to get a LOT of food on the table/floor. He'll sometimes copy his sister if I react to her behaviour, because he doesn't like her getting any sort of attention (good or bad) if he isn't. He also won't drink out of a sippy cup anymore but he almost always knocks over or purposely tips his water out of other cups (usually after he's put some food in it). 

Sorry there's absolutely no advice (again) in my post, but just wanted to chip in and say it's not just you xx


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Sounds like a nightmare!

Maybe reduce portion sizes, if you suspect they start when they are full?
Probably the least attention you give to it the better (easier said than done I know)
Explain that as the food is no longer going in their tummies they must have had enough then calmly remove it, wether you offer pudding is up to you. Sometimes DD refuses to eat, usually because she's cross about something else, I tell her if her tummy is too full for dinner it must be too full for pudding, she will then either eat or attempt to throw it at me  

Will they listen to music/ story CDs? Maybe you could have one on whilst they are behaving nicely but it goes off if things get out of hand...
You may have to put up with some of the less desirable eating habits for a while, pick your battles as they say  

Good luck!!! X


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## Poppets Mammy (Mar 7, 2011)

Good advise so far  

I'd try separating them at meal times, feed the youngest first - if that's practical?!? 

What about getting them their own table, let them choose a toddler table, choose a place mat/plate/cutlery etc and explain it's a treat so they can eat properly like the big girls/boys they are. Really make a fuss about the new stuff to make it special and grab their attention then sit on the floor next to them and calmly show them how to do it properly - hopefully the novelty of new stuff will of consumed them enough to pay attention and improve. Then praise praise praise when they do good.

I'm the same as you and deserts are a treat/reward and they aren't every day. 

I like the idea of calmly removing the food once it starts 'oh you must be finished if you aren't eating it. 

Just thrashing out some ideas out loud, but I'd deff try separating them if they are egging each other on. 

Good luck


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi,

My LO does this at times. I tend to spilt his dinner down to small amounts then add more once he's done (less to throw about). I also at times turn it back into baby feeding and that sometimes works enough to get him back into wanting to do it himself.

I'm not sure if this would work with two but I'd be inclined to try splitting like DE suggests or go for as much finger food at dinner time.

And try and not let them see it bothers you if poss (messy eating is one of my peaves)

Hope this helps & gets better soon.


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## Jo09 (Oct 12, 2009)

Thanks, some great advice.

dame Edna on those days I'm less tired I do see the funny side. Got a picture of Ds after he tipped  a bowl of porridge over his head. 

Hand stitched mum I do take them to messy play which I must say they absolutely love.Painting is about as messy as we get in the house.

Dandlebean , my ds is the same and will scream if I take his plate away. Oh and I forgot about the carry on they have with drinks. I gave them both big boy/girl cups to drink out of and my dd in particular deliberately spills. Its hard to keep your patience when juice is all over the table and floor twice in 5 minutes and its no accident so I went back to straw cup style but even then they take the lids off sometimes  And yes their food and hands were in the open cup.

Crazy spaniel I never thought to reduce their portions, will give that a try.

Poppets mummy, I do separate them sometimes at bath time as that's a whole other story   Its hard because my dd in particular refuses to be separated and will not stay in the other room watching TV for example even though she can see /hear us in the other room. 

Gertie , they both still ask me to feed them sometimes . things they missed out on when they were babies perhaps.

wish my dining room was all tiles so I could just hose it down afterwards!


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

We never managed to 'fix' this except with time and consistency and sticker charts.  We put 'eating tea nicely and without making a mess' to a list of things including some which he did really easily and it did make some progress for us.

My tips are all about making it easier on you!  Probably you already do/have this, but.... 

Kitchen roll and a spray bottle of water on the table in easy reach.
Splash mats on the floor under each chair.
Oilcloth/plastic tablecloth (you can get really pretty ones).
Only give water, in plastic cups.  Even better, buy some favourite character sports bottles and use those.
Minimal portions with the option of seconds.  
Go ahead and feed them, with train noises, plane noises, impressions of their favourite characters.... (my speciality is the Wise Old Elf.... ) and don't worry about them being 'too old'.

Do a bit of a self-audit and try and be aware of what is most stressful for you.  Is it that they're wasting food?  That you know you'll have to clear it up?  That you're worried people will point and judge if they see it?  That you hate messy play?  (I've had all of those!  I'd rather clean up poo explosions than deal with messy eating, but that's my fault, not Bug's).  If you can pinpoint a real stresspoint see if you can go round it or change things to ward it off.

Play children's music in the background?

Give yourself a night off a week and have clean finger food in front of a DVD or CBeebies.

Good luck!  

It DOES get better.  And then you only remember it was like this when people post about it on here....


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