# Advice please- compensation for donor??



## stefi (May 23, 2011)

I have been contacted on Pride Angel by a potential egg donator! Fantastic news as we have been on the waiting list for a long time. The lady is asking for compensation and possible gifts in return for helping us. I just thought I would throw this open you you all for any advice/ warnings/ experience you my have in this matter! Thanks.... Fire away! X


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## Lil Elvis (Dec 31, 2009)

Hi Stefi,

I would be very, very wary as this would be illegal and no reputable UK clinic would participate in such a transaction. The maximum a donor can receive is £250 (though likely to be raised by HFEA, but only to £750) and this is currently only in respect of out of pocket expenses. Any understanding you were to enter into with this lady would therefore have to be 'under the table', and with this being the case you would have no redress should she then change her mind.

There are many wonderful ladies out there who donate altruistically or agree to egg share. The wait may take you a little longer, but surely you would rather receive eggs from a genuinely caring person than someone who has pound signs at the forefront of her mind?

We were lucky enough to be matched with an altruistic donor and though we know very little about her, just the most meagre of details, we know she must be an amazing lady and I am proud that our gorgeous girl shares her DNA. I am sure that the other recipients who have been just as blessed feel the same way, and there are several as Hannah has 5 genetic 'sisters' thanks to our donor's genorosity.

I really do wish you well, but tread carefully with this lady!

Caroline


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## olivia m (Jun 24, 2004)

Just to add to Lil Elvis's good advice to tread very carefully, the HFEA decided in October last year that egg donors could receive 'compensation' of £750 (more in exceptional cases) to cover their expenses when donating. This is due to start either in March or April of this year.  Gifts are strictly not allowed.
Olivia


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## LittleFriend (May 28, 2010)

Highly illegal. The rules on egg donation are very clear. Giving gifts instead of cash to get around the problem is very dodgy. I would report them to the site owners. 

Plus, could you imagine in 18 years time that the child went and found the identity of their donor and discovered that they had been exploiting vulnerable women?


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## stefi (May 23, 2011)

You are all confirming my thoughts -Thankyou! X


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

It is illegal and she is not an altrusitic donor I would contact Pride Angle founder Erica and inform her. There are people out there who want to exploit vulnerable people like us - it is the same story with surrogate in some cases

L


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

The law works in such a way that your clinic is responsible for enforcing the £750 limit on payments to donors.  They would have no choice but to cancel your treatment if they became aware of the rules having been breached, no matter where you were in the process.  It would be a terrible cloud to have hanging over you all through your treatment on top of everything else.

Hang in there - I'm sure you'll find the right lady to help you.

Natalie


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## Lorna (Apr 8, 2004)

Bottom line, if someone is asking for money - run. There is no amount of money in the world that will encourage a woman to be an egg donor or a surrogate.

I went to the US and found a donor there. We went to an agency, that had hundreds of donors on their books, and have been in business for years. The agency's job is to match a recipient with the correct donor. I hasten to add the correct donor for me, is not the correct donor for you, as we are different people. The job of a clinic is to provide the correct treatment for the patient. Slightly different emphasis. For a clinic to a certain extent, getting you a donor is what matters. For an agency, their reputation is based on getting the correct donor for you.

The one thing I don't like about the UK, is the ban on anyone making money. It means there are no professionals in the infertility business. A lot of stuff is run by amateurs, who although they do a good job, can only do 95% of what an American company can do (not necessarily does).

I went to an agency in the US, and read about a hundred short CV's (1-2 A4 pages) and about 30 long CV's (about 12 pages). It was pretty clear, who thought it was an easy way to make money, and those who genuinely want to help. A busy mum of three who is head nurse, in a Neonatal intensive care unit, genuinely wants to help others. This head nurse, has a full life, and she knows, if she gives up her time, she will receive around 5000 dollars to spend on her children. The money encourages her to do what she already wants, It is *not* the prime reason she agrees to be an egg donor. If this head nurse, had unlimited funds, she would probably do it for free. But she doesn't, so the money helps.


The other thing about altruistic donors, nearly all wanted to meet the recipient. They cared where their eggs went, and they wanted to meet the person who was getting their eggs. Most wanted truly open donation, where the recipient and donor meet *before* anyone commits to anything.

On the other hand, those who clearly stated that they wanted the money, wanted to donate anonymously. Those who believed it was easy money, were to avoided.  The agency who had years of experience, knew that there is no money in the world, that will encourage an woman to be an egg donor. The agency's experience with money orientated donors, was that the recipient spent about several thousand dollars on tests, during which time the donor would learn about the process. When it came to contract signing, the donor, would realise that it wasn't easy money, that the whole process terrified them, and the money orientated donor, would literally run away. 

When you see a TV program on American donors, the program shows the ones who went through with it. The interviewer asks loaded questions, about the money. The program, never ever shows the donors who run away and hid. Probably too hard to find. Or they never show the runaways explaining that egg donation is such a huge commitment, they couldn’t do it. 

Actually what might be worse is having someone who is in it for the money, signing the contract and being your donor. The thing about donors who have a need to help others, is that they will go the extra mile. They will exercise, eat right, not smoke, drink, etc..

As to presents. We gave our donor a gold necklace as a thank you. She didn’t ask for one, but we felt we needed to give her something for doing something so wonderful for us. If someone asks where she got it, she will tell them that she donated eggs too a couple, so they could have a family. She will say those words with pride, and her confidence will grow. 

This is the thing about the US, everywhere we went, everyone was so up front about infertility. I feel,the British attitude of saying no presents, because it "buys" the donor, debases what these wonderful women do. Presents from a recipient to a donor, mean something. IMO, there is a huge difference in infertility in the USA an the UK. Donation, or surrogacy is special-wonderful in the states. The women are treated very well. In the UK, infertility is special-weird.

Everywhere I went in the States, I met professionals. People whose job was to give the best possible service to everyone. Yes there are scammers, and you do have to watch out for them. But like most things in life, it is buyer beware.

In the UK, as a result of the ban on anyone making money, there are no independent counsellors, who you can go to ask for advice, no independent egg donor services, to ask for advice. It is all done through clinics, who make money, by delivering treatments, IUI, IVF, ICSI, and so on. The clinics' priority are to make money by providing treatment. They may offer counselling, but if you are undecided about whether to continue treatment or not, which way will produce the most profit for a clinic?

But when it comes to money, clinics and the HFEA are allowed to rake in money! So some people using the 1984 quote are more equal than others. IMO, either no none is allowed to make money, or everyone should be allowed to make money up to certain limits (eg HFEA limits), or there should be a free for all (as in clinics). What do I think the certain limits should be, well the same ones as for the HFEA, about 200 pounds a day, and unlimited expenses, well Suzi leather, the ex head of the HFEA raked in over 12,000 pounds one year,

So back to your original question, what to do about a donor who asks for money, Drop them like a brick, All they will do it cause you heartache.

Lorna

PS I would like to say, even if you do find an altruistic donor, it won’t all be plain sailing. You pick a donor, send them for testing. Something comes up, and as a recipient you are forced to move on. Sorry to be such a downer. The thing about the US, is that there were so many donors, we only lost 3 months every time we were forced to change. In the UK, you lose months / years!

Well I wish you all the best in your search. And may all your dreams come true.


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