# Best friend pregnant I'm feeling so alone



## Hopefulat35

Hi ladies I'm looking for any help and support you can offer on coping with other peoples pregnancies. I'm mum to a gorgeous two and half year old boy who we conceived naturally on the second month of trying  
In dec 2010 we decided to start to try for number two and obviously didn't expect any problems. My periods we still lacking but I was still breast feeding and put it down to that. After fully weaning tho still no regular cycle. After two trips to the gp he eventually took me seriously and ordered some blood tests. 
A week later he phoned me to say he'd got the results and I'd gone through the menopause  
My fsh is over 100 and my amh has not been tested but one dr has said it will be less than 1. 
I'm taking DHEA, doing acupuncture and am now on mild hrt to reduce my fsh levels and get my cycle going again. I don't know about my hormone levels but I've got my periods back  
All through this I've watched people within our baby circle get pregnant and have baby two. My best friend within the group has also been ttc for a year for number two. It felt like we were on the journey together even tho she had no dx. 
Today she's told me shes 8 weeks pregnant. I'm thrilled for her and knew the day would come but at the same time I feel absolutely emotionally floored by the news and have returned to the sobbing wreck I was at dx. 
I don't know how to carry on and not let her pregnancy become the elephant in the room between us. She was do worried about telling me. 
Can any of you lovely ladies help?
I don't have a treatment plan yet. Don't know the best place to go to get one and just want to get a bl**dy egg out and have another wonderful baby to complete our family. 
Sorry for the rant I just feel so low.


----------



## Bubblicious

Hopeful, 

I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way but believe me, you are not alone.  I can remember feeling the same when there were 10 pregnancy announcements made by family members and friends in the space of five months.  I was more devastated with each one.  By the time number 10 announced, we were finding it so hard to hide our feelings and when we said our cursory "congrats" my brother in law (who frankly is a bit of an a^*e) said,"is that it?!?". The devastation I felt permeated every part of my life; work, my social life and sadly, perhaps even how I was as a Mum to DS.  I put so much on hold just in case I got pregnant; cancelled my gym membership, stopped going on holidays, stuck it out at my dead-end job .....

When I realised how much our lives were revolving around this and how much it could be affecting DS, DH and I had a long chat about IVF and about putting a stop to hoping for something that we may never have and focusing on what we were so lucky to have. 

We decided we had enough funds for one shot at fresh IVF and one FET and booked a cheap holiday.  We also said that that would be it, one shot and we move on.  This was the definitive plan.  Without ttc hanging over us, I would look for a job I loved, go back to the gym, take DS all over the world.  Somehow, having a plan and a deadline helped us to reach a level of acceptance.  We had a good break especially DS and that also made me realise that we could be happy as three and that we could still be complete.  I finally started to stop avoiding and even started to enjoy the company of all the ten new babies that had been born.  And that was my frame of mind when we started IVF.

So what I'm saying is that you won't always feel the way you're feeling now, whatever happens.  Be honest with your friend about how you're feeling, if she's truly a good friend, she will understand.  And importantly, be kind to yourself, it's okay to be upset, angry, jealous ... it's only natural.  Also, I am not preaching my "technique" of finding some sort of peace, you must do what is right for you and your family and only you and DH will know what is right.

And remember, you are not by yourself.  There are some wonderful women on here who have been such rocks for me so please rant, rave, do what you must to not feel alone.

All the best,

Bubbs


----------



## Hopefulat35

Thanks Bubbs
Your reply last night meant so much. I couldn't reply at the time cos I was crying so much. Still very tearful today. Your comments about how it affected your time with DS really hit home. I think that's how I feel today. Really emotional and being a bit short with him when it's not his fault so then I just feel worse. 
I hate the irrationality of it. Her being pregnant doesn't affect my chances but I'm so sad. 
I'm so glad things worked for you! I'm going to try and get my latest blood results today and then try contacting some clinics to see if anyone would even try and treat me with oe. I just feel the need to be doing something
Thank you! The fact you replied and it was such a lovely reply means so much. Crying again now so best go.


----------



## Smurf2

Dear Hopefulat35,

I just wanted to say that you are not alone.  It is difficult when everyone around you seems to be achieving their dreams and hopes for the future and you are struggling.  I conceived no problems first time, with my son, then went on to conceive again with my second pregnancy but sadly lost it.  Since then i discovered that my fertility was low which was a major blow and unexpected (low amh).

I've been dealing with this now for about 18 months and it still hurts.  I cope by being aware of how i'm feeling - letting myself feel these feelings - which often you don't want to feel - jealousy for your friends and hurt whenever any pg is announced.  I acknowledge that it is natural for me to feel this way.  I share a little of what i'm feeling with my friends so at least they have some awareness.

Although it seems horrible to cry, it is best to cry and let the emotions flow.  I know that i sometimes feel a bit better having had a sob on my own at own home - you cannot try to keep it all bottled up as that started to drive me slightly loopy.  

I don't really have any answers, but do be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up about the thoughts/feelings you're having.


----------



## Louplou_22

Hopeful

I just wanted to reply quickly to let you know that you are by no means alone. This IF journey is a particularly hard one and can be so incredibly lonely at times - it has only been the lovely ladies on this site that have helped me to cope at some points.

Like you, I conceived my DD (now just over 2) naturally although it did take some time. I fell into the trap of thinking it would be super easy to conceive #2 and was completely floored when, after 14 months of trying, a laparoscopy showed that my tubes are in a bit of a mess, with one totally blocked and one partially blocked. We are still trying naturally but awaiting various results from the clinic before we can make a plan regarding treatment. We have now been trying for 21 months and that feeling of despair and sadness washes over me at least once every day.

I can only imagine how awful your diagnosis must have been and I can completely understand your reaction to your friend being pregnant. What you said in your response struck me as so true - people around us falling pregnant doesn't affect our chances but to me it always feels like a slap in the face when you think "if other people can manage how come we can't". I share an office with a woman who recently announced she was pregnant with her second. I knew she was thinking about number 2 and a while before this, I had clocked that she had stopped drinking tea (I am like the fertility police...) and I took it so personally, I cried for days and days! Crazy really as I get on really well with her and am pleased for her.

I cherish my beautiful DD every day (in spite of the terrible twos) but there is no doubt in my mind that the amount of time, effort and energy I put into ttc should rightly be spent on her and of course, that is when the guilt kicks in. I cry a lot too.

I really like Bubbs idea in terms of having a plan. I like to plan everything anyway (DH says I'm a control freak!) and I think it helps you to stay in control of the situation.

Take care of yourself and please do not feel alone. 

Lou x


----------



## Hopefulat35

Hi Lou and Smurf

Thanks so much for your replies. This site is turning in to such a life line!  

Luckily when DS was 15months old my parents moved 250miles to live closer to us - now 10mins door to door! So we've been with them all day allowing me to lie low and lick my wounds while DS has an amazing day being doted on and not needing mummy at all (although I do charge him kisses everytime he does ask me for something!  )

Secondary IF is just such a shock isn't it. I never realised how common it was until we discovered it in such a personal way. I now never ask anyone 'will you be having anymore?' as they could be like us, desperate to but it just isn't working.

I think I really do ned a plan - I love plans - but I'm struggling to make one at the moment. The hospital where I had the most comprehensive set of blood tests yet are sitting on my results - been a week already and apparently will be another week until they send them to my GP and then I need an appointment to go in and discuss them with him. I just want to know!!!

I feel I need to find a really great doc who is high fsh friendly and take all my test results and see what they can do but I can't even pursue this at the moment so I feel frustrated.

Thanks for legitimising my sadness and jealousy. Jealousy seems like such a negative thing to admit to but it is a natural emotion. Luckily DH is lovely and says I need to accept how I feel and feel it and work through it. He just wants to make it better some how bless him.

And bless this site and you wonderful ladies!

Thinking fo you all in your journeys


----------



## Cholula

Hi Hopefulat35

I've just found come across this thread. I haven't been on the site for a little while but I like to pop on every now and again to see how other ladies deal with this problem and find some inspiration and lend some help when I can.

I wanted to let you know how much your words and struggles resonate with me as I could have written almost the same. The pain and the guilt when all around you are announcing no.2 pregnancies is just such reality check that it's not you and then those nine months seem to zip by before you're almost begrudgingly buying them baby gifts ..... I know that's a bit harsh and we all have lovely friends and family that we are thrilled for and yes it doesn't affect our chances - I was just making the point that for me the timemarkers were really hard and such bleak reminders that as you try from month to month suddenly so many have gone past and nothing has changed for you/me. Many of my friends are currently having no.3 so it's been particularly bleak for me! When I returned to a job that I really enjoyed and excelled at after my DD was almost 1 I soon realised that my role had been more or less given to my then Permanent maturity cover! I was so p....d off but tried to make the best of it and got on with my lesser role thinking it won't be too long as I will try for no.2 soon and then I'll think again about my job....a year and a half later I had to take redundancy which did not go smoothly and we settled just before going to court which was very stressful. I took my DP and DD on holiday to celebrate the end of that and whilst away had a very strange bleed, like a period but at completely the wrong time. So began my gynaecological investigations and I wasted about six mths with a very top rated one who didn't diagnose me properly. Last April after sending a different very straight talking consultant I was informed my fsh was 24 and amh .9 and to count my blessings that I had a lovely DD because I wasn't going to have another with my eggs! My DP was with me and it takes a lot to move him but we were both devastated. I went on to find the lovely Jaya Pakrih at the lister who specialises in high fsh/low amh and upon telling her what the last consultant said - she said she'll be the judge of that! She was exactly what I needed and I couldn't recommend her more highly. I had two u
unsuccessful cycles however - I produced a couple notmany good eggs and grade a embryos ensued but didn't stick sadly, I pushed to do a third cycle before the end of the year not wanting to leave it without fighting but we abandoned that one when the follies weren't looking great anyway and my DP wanted a break from it. He didn't have the same drive as me and thought one child was cool but tried to support me. I tried to shield a lot of it from him because I didn't want him to be as effected as me, life on hold etc, I also felt guilty because I was the one who was unable to reproduce ..... It wasn't a good way to feel and I should have dealt with that better and communicated more with him. Now we have stopped trying because we have separated and he no longer lives with me and our lovely Dd. Maybe one day we will be able to work it out but i am accepting that having a second child is highly unlikely and rips the heart out of me. So I'm sorry I went on there on bit. Be careful on your journey but it sounds like you have a lovely DH to look put for you. Try to get an appointment with Jaya and bring a copy of your blood results. They are yours and you shouldn't have to wait 2 wks and then some to see your gp. Ask for at least the fsh and amh results to be put in an email to you and then work with that. Jaya is very positive and  sure won't turn you away. Your fsh can fluctuate - mine came down to 11 from taking wheatgrass and many other vits and supplements.
Wishing you the best of luck
Cxx 
Ps sorry about spelling mistakes, for maturity read maternity ...etc I'm on phone and can't seem to correct.


----------



## DBaby2

Hi Hopeful,  like everyone else here you are not alone.  We have DD 31/2yrs at first month of trying so figured the next could come quickly and I'd have time for a 3rd before I was 40.  No chance!  Hospital put me on clomid for 8 months spiriling me into depression only to be told by IVF specialist at clinic that that was a waste of time.  I've been outwardly happy and excited for friends and family when they annouced their pg but it felt like being punched in the stomach and made me feel like a failure.  After putting our lives on hold for nearly three years and cried enough to flood America I'm starting to come to terms with it.  I can be happy for others now although still sad for us but life has to go on and we have what we have.  

This fertility business is extremely hard and takes it toll but its also doing something positive for you.  We pretty much made a plan of trying once see how it goes and how I react to it all and if it goesn't work (not failure just simply not meant to be) then we may try one final time or we will call it a day.  We will go on holiday and I will start training to compete in triathlons or rock climbing - so its not the end of the world just the end of one journey in your life.

I started a diary to get out what I was feeling and that with this amazing website and the ladies on it have helped me through a very difficult journey. 

The very best of luck, you are not alone.

xx


----------



## Hopefulat35

Hi ladies thanks for your messages!

Cholula, wow what a journey you have been on. I'm so sad to read how it has concluded for you. I really hope that for you and your dp that time becomes a great healer! And thank you for the tip about the Lister. My DH wants to get all the test results in and then look to try a stimulated cycle with scans and timed intercourse before we leap into ivf as its much cheaper at £400 a go! But if that doesn't work I'll definitely be contacting lister. It's so good to know you had a good experience there. 

DBaby2 yes this site is amazing and has really helped to get me through these few days. I'm so happy for my friend but just feel like she's moved on to a club I'm not allowed to join! Do you know where you will go for tx? It's all such a minefield!! 

So much luck and good wishes to you both and thanks again for your support and the time you took to reply thank you thank you!!


----------



## DBaby2

Hi Hopeful,  yes we are with Bristol Centre for Reproductive Medicine as it has a good reputation and local to us.  I'm glad we did because I had to have a scan every second day week before last week travelling alone so was glad we choose somewhere only 40mins drive away.  I was going to consider travelling to CARE at Nottingham or Manchester but now glad I didn't its expensive enough without costing more in fuel!  I had two embryos put back in on wednesday so on the 'dreaded two week wait!".

Just ask lots of questions on this website if you are unsure because the support is marvellous and the ladies on here do tend to put your mind at rest and they have so much knowledge its incredible.

Good luck xx


----------



## Hopefulat35

Oh wow DBaby2 got everything crossed for you for the 2ww!!


----------



## Moolie

Hi Ladies,
I found real inspiration and hope from reading your stories as I've been feeling really low over the last 2 weeks.
To cut a long story short we conceived our son naturally and he was born in 2008.  My Hubby had a hernia repair in 2009 and has been infertile since.  He had surgical sperm retrieval in Oct and we had our 1st ICSI in Dec and I found out I was pregnant.  Just over 2 weeks ago I found out Baby was gone but I hadn't miscarried so I had to go through a D&C last Friday - started lactating on Tuesday which has been VERY distressing  
Not sure what our plan is for the future, but dread the day I hear of family/friends being pregnant.  Not sure how I'm going to cope with that.
I hope all our dreams come true and we can be Mummies again


----------



## DBaby2

Hi ******,  I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through, that has to be the worst situation and no doubt very distressing for you and your DH.  Hopefully people will be sympathetic towards you both but don't be surprised if they are not.  I'd encourage you to vent on this website for support whenever you need it there is always someone who can help and tell their stories to show you are not alone.

All the very best for the three of you.

xx


----------



## Hopefulat35

Hi ******
So sorry to read your post but I hope that you are taking some comfort in that you got that far. I'm sure you can get there and then further again! It is so hard when confronted with othe people's pregnancies. My general coping mechanism has been to hide and see the pregnant people as little as possible but I can't do that this time so it will be a big learning experience for me. 
Good luck with your journey and feel free to rant when required!!


----------



## Bubblicious

******, I'm sorry about what happened to you  .  Look after each other.

Good luck, Dbaby2.

Cholula, so sad to hear that secondary infertility tookssuch a toll on your relationship.  I hope that you and DH do work things out  .

Hopeful, I was the same, avoidance helped me cope at my worst times.  I hope you get some answers and a plan in place soon.


----------



## 2ndtimeround

Hopeful, I could have written that exact same post myself. I have a beautiful 3 year old boy from a previous relaitonship. My DH and I have been trying for over a year to concieve our second so went for some tests. I have to admit i was expecting DH to be the problem but he was fine and it's me with messed up hormones possibly PCOS or blocked tubes! DH being so supportive now we going for further help but finiding it hard. My BF was amazingly supportive, she has one of her own already but lost one when i was pregnant with my first, which felt awful. However she told me a couple of weeks ago that she's now expecting again. I'm so so happy for her but feeling so down about it. My SIL also expecting and my sister had her second a couple of months ago so finding it all a bit much to deal with!! Just want to avoid any bumps! 

You're not alone hun xx


----------



## Hopefulat35

Thanks 2ndtimeround. I keep saying it but this site is proving to be such a life line and really has taken away that feeling of feeling so alone   
I'll be seeing my friend tomorrow for the first time since she told me last week so no hiding!!! She's a great friend and our boys love playing together so I've just got to bite the bullet and get on with it. Just hoping we can keep the bump chat to a polite minimum!!
When do you have your next apt? I've got an apt this wed to double check my tubes - could be doubly in trouble but fingers crossed - then an apt came through today for 2nd April for us to discuss a stimulated cycle and timed intercourse which is the next step for us. 
Keep in touch! X


----------



## Moolie

Thanks ladies for all your messages.  I'm taking one day at a time and not ready to give up on being a mummy again.  Fertility friends have been a huge support.  Thank you all....
xx


----------



## 2ndtimeround

Hi hopeful, sounds like you're doing great. Hope it goes ok with seeing your friend, and don't be too hard on yourself if you have any bad feelings. I'm struggling seeing anyone at the moment but don't want to start cutting people out of my life, especially as i know i'm so lucky to already have one DS. Just never expected to be a family of 3, my D and myself want at least 5 or 6, and fostering too! I haven't got my appointment yet, we've been referred to the clinic and done all the test and questionnaires so just waiting for first appt to come through with the consultant. Have started reflexology though and GP been wonderful and says can do scan to check for PCOS. I'm so suprised as i never had any of those symptoms before and got pregnant by accident with DS so was so unexpected but got raised LH and having crazy irregular periods.  

I'm hoping this place becomes a support group too, i think my DH is getting a bit fed up of me feeling miserable all the time!


----------



## Hopefulat35

Hi 2ndtimeround 
I understand the shock you're feeling. We conceived DS on 2nd month of ttc so never expected to experience secondary infertility. I don't think I'd ever really heard the phrase. I hope your apt comes through soon! Do you know which clinic you'll be seen at?
I've been having regular acupuncture which I've been told is great for fertility. 
Glad you've got such a good gp. It's my DHs turn next doing a sperm test just to tick the box. Even tho I know the issues are mine it's quite nice to know he's got to go thru a bit too   !
I use this site loads now and I think it is good for DH!

Keep in touch


----------



## 2ndtimeround

Oh good luck with the sperm test for your DH, hope all goes well. Obv i was very pleased that my DHs results came back fine, a part of me thought right just my fault then hey and started getting really upset and shutting him out a bit. luckily i have a VERY supportive DH who refused to let me do it and insists we're walking the path together. 

Been referred to Mrs Reddy, a clinic in cheltenham. Where abouts are you? I'd never heard of secondary infertility either but i wish people would stop telling me how lucky i am to have one. I know, i know i am but when my DS asked me yesterday why he didn't have a brother like his cousin does (my sister just had her second) broke my heart.  

I'm using this site a lot too, seems to help. So nice chatting to others in similar situations (and also you can just ignore my posts if i go on too much, haha!)


----------



## 2ndtimeround

p.s how did it go with your bestmate the other day? xx


----------



## Hopefulat35

Hi 2nd,
Yeah that really doesn't help does it? My dad doesn't get why we're doing all of this. He loves our DS and says that's enough for him but for me our family just isn't complete yet  

We live in Kent so have to travel to London for everything. At the moment we have an nhs referral (never thought we'd get one!) for the Chelsea and Westminster but its a 3 hour journey door to door  

That must have been so hard with your DS. I'm so thankful mine hasn't said anything like that yet I think I would bulb on the spot!!

Things were ok when my friend came round. It was a little odd and I was aware I asked veryo little about the pregnancy but I'm sure she understands after ttc so long herself. 

I had good news this week tho in my latest blood results as my fsh had dropped in a month from 111 to 47!!!!! Hurrah for the hrt! Still waiting for some of the other results but oestrogen is up which also shows things are going in the right direction.

Thanks for checking in! xx


----------



## 2ndtimeround

Hi hopeful, how are you getting on? We finally got our consultant appt but my DH boss wouldn't give him time off work to go so had ot change it to april.  at least not too faraway and things starting to move for us ow.

How's it going with you and your best mate? 3 hours is such a long way, is there no where closer?!

I know what you mean, i definately don't feel my family is complete and breaks my heart to think we won't have any more. Last year we were so blessed to put down a deposit on a 3 bed semi, 2 doubles and a single. The second double has just sat empty, i don't want to use it because i'm just waiting to fill it with babies!! Does that sound crazy?! And everyone keeps saiyng "come on you've got the space, isn't it time you had another one"?!?! I guess they have no idea how much it hurts when they say that!!


----------



## Hopefulat35

Hi 2nd
That's so bad with your DHs work    my next apt is April too so I understand how far away that feels!

Things with my friend are ok but a bit strained. I feel like a bad friend really because I can't be really excited for her and ask her all the questions you ask someone when they're expecting. I saw her again on Wednesday then came home and cried and cried. I saw another really good friend on Friday and was able to tell her how I feel which was really good. 

Yesterday was my birthday and I REALLY didn't want to be a year older so I was kind of dreading it. But in the end I had a wonderful day with DS and DH and ended the day feeling positive and blessed. My pregnant friend also popped over a huge bunch of flowers so initially I felt even more guilty about being a crap friend but now just look at them and smile cos they are so lovely! Off now to enjoy the sun and do a bit of gardening while DS has his nap. 

I totally understand about the house too. I'd got it so much in to my head that our spare room was going to soon be a nursery I told DH I wanted to move! He nearly had a heart attack bless him!! Now when people comment I just say "I'd love to" and they soon shut up!!

Thinking of you


----------



## 2ndtimeround

Happy Birthday for yesterday hun!! Glad you ended up having a good day, and blessed with beautiful weather.  

Don't feel bad about being a rubbish friend. I found out yesterday my best friend was meeting up with another good friend of mine (also now pregnant!) and they said it was because they didn't want me to feel uncomfortable in their conversations!   nice they were thinking of me but so gutted they were pretending to be busy and having coffee with each other! I don't think i go on about having another baby that much, try to keep it inside (apart from breaking down in front of DH most days!). Maybe i go on about it more than i thought   don't want to push friends away!

Going to start saying "i'd love to" as well and hope that gets people off my back. However even my MIL keeps making comments about how hard it is to be an "expecting to be expectant" grandmother, as if we're not trying hard enough! She told me i work too hard, but i just see it as a distraction from the pain of waiting and passing time....

So glad to hear you've got a good friend you could talk to about it, i think that is sooo important. How are you feeling about your appt in april? I'm feeling a little nervous about mine but glad to get the ball rolling.

Good luck to you!   xxx


----------



## Hopefulat35

Thank you!  

My DH spoke to my MIL and told her that the 2nd grandchild wasn't happening as easily as we wanted and that questions are painful so shes been good at not asking knowing that as soon as there is news we will shout it from the roof tops!

April can't come soon enough for me! I love a bit of a plan and I'm desperate to come out with a detailed step by step plan of how we're going to have a baby! I'm also hoping to get a scan day 12 of this cycle. It's the first time I'll have a scan to look at if I've managed to get a dominant follicle and I'm much more nervous about that. Keep thinking what if there's absolutely nothing going on in there?!?!?! Which with my BW results is a possibility   

Have you got anything nice planned between now and April to help the time pass?


----------



## 2ndtimeround

Glad your MIL is being understanding. Mine is too, she does know, but she's being a bit dramatic and selfish and saying how hard it is for HER waiting to have another grandchild! (despite SIL being pregnant, they not very close so i think she still hoping i will have another one soon as i involve her in everything!).

Going away in march for 10 days, can't wait! did try to "time it" with the "right time" but unfortunately my cycles so irregular it doesnt help but nice to get away! Like you i love to plan so hope the consultant can help us to understand whats going to happen over the next months. I'm still waiting an ultrasound to see what's going on with my ovaries.

You doing anything lovely to pass the time? At least the weather is looking up, definately helps my mood a little bit! Trying to really focus on DS and appreciate him a lot and have fun as much as possible.

take care, fingers and toes crossed for you xxxx


----------



## 0604

Hi Hopeful
I too can relate to your story soooo much
My best friend fell pregnant very quickly and i struggled a lot to see, chat, develop a relationship and i took a while to have my ds!!!
So when she had her dd i was determined to try and act differntly, i purposefully (sp) asked her wekkly how she was and that made me feel i was being a friend...
it killed inside but eventually became a challenge for me and i overcame feelings. When her dd was born she was poorly so i felt i had taken enough interest in her to support her. Then i luckily had my dd.

It sucks when people close are pregnant and dont have to try!!!
wishing you look, make it a challenge or game - its kind of satisfying

sarah


----------



## hazel23

Hi hun I read ur story and I no how u feel hun I was the same when family and friends told me thay were preg I use to sit and cry because iv tryed everythink to get preg for 8 years. And now im on my 2nd cycle for icsi. Hun I wish u all the luck in the world hun that u get ur bfp hun xx


----------



## Hopefulat35

Hi hazel and Sarah 

Thanks for your messages!

Sarah your advice about purposefully asking was really good and I did it! It's much easier now. I still don't feel as excited for her as I could but o don't feel it gets in the way anymore  

hazel good luck with your next icsi!   it works for you!!

We've got one shot at OE natural ivf on my next cycle if fsh under 20 on cd3 tests so just waiting on old AF...

Let me know how you go!

Thanks again for your messages they help so much!


----------



## Jack5259

Hi Hopeful and everyone else. 

Im a few days away from starting IVF, after over a year of treatment and well, stress.  My marriage has been on the rocks recently too, as its all got to my DH.

I have been reading your messages and can relate to the friendship thing, I dont think I have ever been so hurt the way some of my so called friends have reacted, one never rings me now and the other (I also babysit for her) I have realised has no sensitivity whatsoever, the last time I babysat they got home after midnight, but also, it was mother;s day, which is fine, but, if the boot were on the other foot, there is no way I could do it,  I would not have the heart to ask someone I knew was having fertility treatment to babysit, especially around that time.  Im terribly sensitive and am backing away from people who i dont feel comfortable with.  Its a lonely journey but on saying that I have some lovely friends too, but its easy to feel hurt, I dont think some people know how to behave or what to say, which is ok, but there is a fine line between that and been insensitive about the whole thing,  Whinge over now,  am feeling very sendtuve and am also signed off from work at the mo with stress, so its all going on.    As long as we have our health though and some very good friends to see us through.  

Hope everyone ok and enjoying Easter.  Im looking forward to filling my face tomorrow.


----------



## Hopefulat35

Hi jack happy Easter! Are you tucking in to that chocolate yet? We had my parents and in laws over last night so we got stuck in last night into a choc fondu set from hotel chocolat. It was sooooo good  

IF is so stressful and can be a huge strain. We may need donor eggs and we're going to pay for some counselling if we do just to make sure everything is solid before we move on as it's such a big step. 

Some friends definitely react better than others and some offer more support than others. I've got some friends who are an amazing support and others that are a range from insensitive to so awful I've stopped seeing them! One friend after talking to me about how we'd been ttc for a year actually sent me a message through ******** saying she'd been ttc for two months now and it hadn't happened so could I recommend any ovulation kits as she was getting anxious and stressed and everyone around her was pregnant! She got pregnant the next month. Then when she was 6 weeks gone I saw her and she called me over and asked how things were. I said I was being tested for early menopause. She said how awful that was and how she didn't know what shed do with such news but at least I had DS. She then told me she wa pregnant!!!  

So some people are just so self centred they never see you. my DH just said to me that right now I need positive and supportive people around me and to quietly move away from those who aren't. It's been great I feel much better!

I don't know why you're  signed off work but maybe it will be a good thing as you can concentrate on yourself and do what you can to relax. Have you had any acupuncture? I'm also listening to the fertile mind hypnosis tracks every night which really help me. 

Hope you have a good day, sorry this turned in to such and essay.! My fingers must still be buzzing from all the chocolate!!!!

Hopeful


----------



## 2ndtimeround

Hi all,

Some great advice out there. Hopeful fingers crossed with your natural IVF, hope it all goes smoothly for you and good idea to seek counselling.

It is shocking how insenstive friends can be. I have now completely lost my bestfriend who i thought would really stick by me, she has really shocked me. I havent told many people about our struggle TTC. Next week is our 2 year wedding anniversary,and our appt with the fertility consultant is on that day! it hurts because we stopped using contraception on our wedding day so we know it will have been exactly 2 years.

Like you hopeful, staying with friends who are supportive and understanding. My sis and my MIL have been a bit insenstive and make a few comments but deep down they are trying and i know they care. Im devastated about my BF esp as i tried to be so supportive for her when i found out she was pregnant but its just shown me who she really was.

Jack that is shocking about asking you to babysit!!! you are too good to agree to it, think i would have told my friend where to go!


----------



## Hopefulat35

Hi 2nd

So sad things couldn't be resolved with you bf. you will ding tho when you get your bfp however you get it that through your baby you will make some of the best friends of your life!

Keep me posted on your apt!

How's everyone else?
Karen


----------



## clarajayne

Hi there

I realise you started this post a couple of months ago but I just had to reply. We have been ttc baby no 3 coming up 3 years in July. We had no problem at all conceiving our first two children happened first month then now nothing. I never thought for one minute I would be in this situation. But I totally understand how you feel re other peeps pg. My best friend fell pg with her first just before we started ttc and shes now ttc her second and I know she will fall straight away. Countless other friends and acquaintances have also had babies or are pg and It hurts everytime I hear. Its that feeling of being a failure, why them not me etc? My very good friend was very lucky to be referred for fertility tests after just 6 months of ttc and shes now pg pn her first round of ivf. I really am happy for her but I am finding it difficult to be around her and I never thought I would. I feel like she feels sorry for me etc She text me the picture of her pg test and first scan pic and I thought it was really insensitive given she knows how I feel. So in some ways she cant win. I dont want to be pitied but I dont want it in my face constantly either! Anyway Im rambling but I do know how you feel. I cope with it by thinking it will be old news soon. Deep down Im not really upset they are pg I have my own children but its that feeling of why not me.

I hope that in the months passed you are feeling better or even got your bfp??

Claire x


----------



## Hopefulat35

Hi Claire sorry you find yourself on here  

All IF is hard but it's surprised me how hard it is when you already have a child, how you love them so dearly yet you still don't feel quite complete.

I'm sorry your friend has been particularly insensitive. I'm lucky in that mines been very kind. She doesn't offer up information just let's me ask as much as I can on the days that I can. 

Do you feel you are making any progress with ttc? I've been waiting what seems like forever for AF so I can have fsh tested AGAIN in a last chance attempt so sadly no bfp yet. Finally got ome spotting tonight tho so will call the docs tomorrow for an appt wed    

Take care and keep chatting it really helps!

Karen


----------



## Hopefulat35

Hi everyone hope your day is better than the weather!

Really sorry but I need a woe is me rant  

AF finally came yesterday so I've booked CD3 blood for tomorrow. Called clinic today and they want me for a day 9 scan. Really want DH there as this is it. If we find a follie we are go go go , if we don't it's game over for OE, nothing else we can try. I just don't want to spend two hours travelling home on my own if we get bad news. 

DH is now saying that's the one day next week he can't come with me. Hes got a meeting that was booked two months ago and if he's not there it will"really affect his standing in the company"  No one else does a job like his so so one can cover him. 

I've got to go alone. I feel so let down by him and like I've really been put in my place. This is it for us, our one and only OE attempt. 

I just want to talk to someone about how let down I feel but we don't want our friends to know that if this doesn't work we move on to a donor. 

I now feel that he'll be hoping I fail the blood test (fsh has to be below 20) so that the scan is cancelled and then he's not the bad guy. 

He's been so supportive sp far. 

Sorry that was so me me me.

Hope everyone's ok


----------



## Jack5259

Dont be sorry Hopeful. I know where you are coming from

My marriage has been extremely at risk recently with my hubbie actually leaving me saying he did not want to be with me anymore.  He came back, I didnt beg him to stay thats for sure!  He came back and we worked it out, bit I think the blokes shoulder alot of the stress.  He has not come to may of my appts with me, scans etc and IUI appts. He is self employed and needs the work so it is different.  Have you told your hubby how you feel?  It certainly is a lonely journey but you and hubby have to be together on this one, I ended up becoming quite paranoid too, dont know if that is all part of the stress of it all, think it is.  Where you say you wonder if he is hoping you will fail the blood test so that the scan is cancelled, Im syre he would not want that but you need to sit him down and talk to him.  Is this all what he really wants.  I hate to say this. but my hubby and I have been through similar to you.  

To be quite honest, I have felt let down by my hubbie quite a few times ober our treatment, he knows it too, for example when we have gone out with friends etc and I have not been drinking becayse of my treatmtent, he has carried on drinkiing.  Unfortunately it got to the point where I told him I would pull out of this treatment if he did not show me more support.  Im not impresssed by it.  I know him well enough though to know that he finds it all very hard, but no excuse.  Eventually I quetioned him whether he wanted children at all before we went in for our second planning appt for IVF!

Let me know how you get on,. have you some loyal trustworthy friends you can discuss this privately with?  I know where you are coming from.  Your not alone.


----------



## Jack5259

I didnt word that well Hopefull, I never meant it to come out like I think you are being paranoid, but when you are feeling that let down, all sorts can come in to play in your mind. 

Re the friendship thing and babysitting, I had a near falling out with my friend and told her I thought she considered me as a convinient babysitter and she was using me only for that.  I feel bad now as she told me she feels that bad she does not think she can asak me to babysit again.    I think now I was being a little sensitive and maybe slightly paranoid as well!  We live out very rurally and everyone round here is a parent, so I find it hard if not impossible to fit in, so I do see myself as nothing else to offer, apart from babysitting services.  I guess my confidence is shot to bits too.  
We are ok now, we sorted it out, I guess some people dont realise and some othr people (like me) are too sensitive! 

I think this treatment affects our whole personality, it has mine, in terms of confidence, my friendships with people, trust, worthlessness, loniless, anyway, enough of that before I make myself cry.  

Hope you ok Hopeful, hang on in there.


----------



## Hopefulat35

Thanks Jack. Don't worry I know what you were trying to say and yes I AM being paranoid about the blood test! It's just so hard as you know when it's all so emotional. I think part of the problem is DH really doesn't care wether we go OE or de which ultimately is great but when I need support for the last bit of our OE try it means he doesn't quite get the emotional bit for me!

I've talked to my mum about it all today as my parents will be the only ones to know. She's great but of course she just wants to try and fix it and make it all better when I just want her to say omg he's being such a sh*t which shed never do!!! 

Glad things worked out with your friend. IF is so invasive into all aspects of our lives!  

Thanks for your support today it really helps get through the bad days!  

Off out now for dinner with some friends so at least we don't have to spend all night at opposite ends of the sofa!!!


----------

