# names!



## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

we are currently looking at couple of different sibling group and OMG what is with childrens names these days  
i really love unusual names but   at some of them!

anyways - i just wanted to ask about names that really don't go with your surname.....

i think i posted a long-time ago that for us B names are a no-go as our surname begins with B - eg Billy B would just sound ridiculous! 
we are now in the position that our SW wants us to pursue one group - who do seem almost perfect for us BUT one child has a B name. It sounds so silly with our surname   he will forever sound about 3! 

how important is this in the long-run? I love the name by the way - just the sound of it with my surname is  

how did you all deal with this - or have you all been lucky with names?  

Ritz


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Ritzi

Will pm you late about it (just pulling my hair out getting house sorted for DS birthday party tomorrow!)


xxx


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hiya,

We shortened our little ones first name as it was double barrelled and very unusual however the name we dropped we used as one of her middle names as we knew this was her name chosen by her birth parents and felt we couldnt get rid of it entirely we also knew the story behind the names she was given as the birth parents had explained this to us.

I didnt realise how important a name was until we covered it in our prep course they went round each of us in turn and asked us why we were given the name we had by our parents and everyone had a funny little tale to tell, it was quite emotional actually and I guess if a childs name is changed then it will be up to the adoptive parents to explain in the future which could cause unnecessary conflict, as I guess for some children this is all they had given by their birth parents and might really resent it been taken away from them.

I fully understand your predicament and perhaps if the child is very young it could be used as a middle name? if it is an older child then that could be tricky of course.

Good luck

Dawny
x


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi Ritzi,

before we adopted boo we were being considered for a sibling pair that sounded like they stepped straight from the set of "footballers wives"..... never in a million years would we have chosen those names, but we were keen on the children. anyways it didn't work our as the BF were contesting. but just to say it happens a lot with adoption i think. in the end we were really luck with Boo's real name.

Boo is now convivced his new brother and sister are going to be called Oscar and Olivia. Two kinda middle classed names, and as our Sw pointed out....they're highly unlikely to come up. 

I also have a good friend of mine called johnny jonhston, whos father is called john johnston......appart from initial reactions it doens't cause them much trouble.

anyway...this seems like a random colleciton of stories here, but just wanted to say, after a few weeks the name probably won't seem at all weird for you or anyone else, and so if they look a good match you should go for it.....good luck!

xruthie


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi

Its that old story of names again isn't it and everyone has a different story and opinion to tell.

I would talk it over with your SW and see how things lie.

We did change our DD birth name but kept it as her middle name, this was 7 year ago now & we had the full support of both SW involved in our DD case so it may be worth talking to your SW about it.

Ruthie - good to see you posting again, how is the application for number 2 child coming along

Andrea
x


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## daycj (May 11, 2004)

Ritzi. Consider yourself lucky! My surname is day!  Imagine a B with that............


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

hi andrea

we've been away and been mental busy.....i've been on to read a lot but had nothign to post so didn't bother! we're about half way through the processd for no. 2. we're in no great rush as no. 1 is starting school next month   so we've to get through that and we're also looking forward to quite a few months wothout any nursery payments!!

xruthie

ps sorry ritzi for usurping your thread!


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Sorry in advance ritzi - I've hijacked your thread as well!!

Ruthie - glad to hear things are going great & I can't believe your little one is starting school next month!!  It will be tears on the first day of school & I don't mean from your DS!!  

Ritzi - back to your "problem" - I did have a thought after posting my reply & I think some one has already suggested it, could you shorten the name/ spell it differently? 

Andrea
x


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Hiya

It can also depend on how old the child is as if it is one who recognises their name it can be very difficult to change it. 

Also you could add a middle name and use that as their everday name? or they may have middle names that go with your surname?
I would have a chat with the sw and see what they suggest

K has a very very unusual spelling of his first name so we are changing the spelling to the way it is mostly spelt 

xx


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

thanks for your thoughts

i love the B name - dh would never have let me choose it for a birth child but it is lovely   

we wouldn't change it anyways and couldn't change it as he is 3. 
speaking to my brother today (in front of 3 year old niece Elwen) he said oh just change it. i said i can't B is too old - it would be like me calling Elwen 'joan' - to which Elwen piped up 'yuk i not called joan - i called Elwen'   

he would most definitely always be B.... B..... and like ruthies 'johnny jonhston' he will always sound like a young child   ruthie what are the initial reactions like now as adults? 

should a name be a deciding factor?  

ritz 

daycj -


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

hi,

there is usually an initial raised eyebrows and a "really?" to it but no more than that......i wouldn't let a nameput me off but you've got to do what your comfortable with

xruthie


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## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

Oh dear... well our ds is a B B, infact his first and surname both start with the same two letters wont tell you what the other letters are, but his middle name is the same as my DH and his BM chose that too!  

His first name isn't terribly unusual so we didn't have to think about it really. He was right for us for whatever his name was he would have been coming home with us.


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## sundog (Jun 21, 2007)

Hi Ritzi, I can't really be of much help but just had to say - NO! Don't let a name be a deciding factor!!! I hated DS's first name to start with and I found that a really difficult hurdle to get over even though I knew how silly a detail it really was. However, not only have I come to love it (it is who he is and therefore lovely) but shudder to think of the possibility of us having not chosen to go ahead - he is OUR son and is completely meant to be with us.

Putting it in context, when we first hear about our children we have so little that is personal to them (I don't mean their background, I mean THEM as INDIVIDUALS). What we really want is to see them, speak to them, hold them, smell them etc. Instead, one of the few things we have that is close to allowing us to identify with who they are is their name and that is why it seems so important for it to be just perfect. Once we have our little ones we can have as many cuddles, chats and kisses as we like and the name then becomes just a name - the real child is so much more.

Hope this helps. Base your decision on whether these children are the right ones for your family and whether you can offer them what they need.

Good luck in your decision and for a speedy match.

sundog
x


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

bumping this up with the latest news:

we are still in the running for the B boy and his sibling   we love the name and although our SW agrees he will always sound age 3 we've decided that what will be will be  

now we are also in the running for a littlie who's name is my least favourite in the world and you guessed it....starts with a B!  
so fess up - anyone actually changed their childs name and could i do this to a similar name? (he is just under 2)   (i always felt i wouldn't change any name - sorry to sound so superficial - i cannot stand the name   )

MJ you never did PM me hun - any words of wisdom?  

ritz.


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Ritz

YES we did change our DD birth name.....................she was 9 months old though and we did have full support of both SW with regarding the name change.

I would strongly suggest that you don't change a 2 year old's name, you will be surprised at how much they know at that age, including their name!!

Could you not shorten the name, is it really that bad

I would talk to your SW about it, you might be surprised at the response you might get, then again you most probably know how your SW feels about these things.

I was very lucky that our DD was so young and NO one used to really call her by her birth name, she had "pet" names so to introduce her new name was not a big problam.

i wish you luck with this one!!

Andrea
x


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi Ritzi, I don't like my ds2's name but as he is 19 months now was told I couldn't change it but could drop his middle name and add one we like.  His middle name is not one I like either   so glad to drop it.  We are considering using his middle name when we choose it as his every day name but seems a bit shallow like you say


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

andrea i have PMd you  

mummyof2 - nice to know someone has the same issue - but sorry you don't like ds name    i know some people say once you go to court you can call the child whatever you want 'what do you name this child' bit - but i know and understand why it is frowned upon. have you grown more used to it now he has been home for a while? 

the first B name i can deal with   the second B name i just cannot imagine ever using  

its a tough one  

ritzi


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi Ritzi,

i'll apologise in advance as this may sound a bit harsh, i really am not trying to be mean, BUT i think if you feel that strongly about the name then you should withdraw from being considered for that child. If you hate it that much then you're not going to be able to control your subconcious (spelling??) from giving them the felling that you are ashamed/embarassed about using it. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but they'll have had enough sh1t to deal with without that too.

i hope it all works out with the other children, 

xxruthie


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

thanks for all your ponderings 

we will see  

ritz


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## sillylally (Jan 1, 2006)

Ladies - I hope you don't mind me jumping in. I was adopted when I was 18months old. I had a VERY VERY unusual first name to start with. My BM names me after her so that if I wanted to search for her later on I would hopefully find her a lot easeir).

My name was changed to a more "normal" name, but I don't mind. I love both names & it makes me a little different when I have that story to tell people.

I really came on here to say that as someone who was adopted, I really am grateful & thankful to people like you who are willing to take us kids on. I was brought up by a smashing family & have been so loved & happy. I'm 40 now but my childhood was fantastic because of people like you.  THANK YOU. 

Sally xxx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Sally

Thank you for posting and letting us know from an adopted persons point of view 

I wish you lots of  for your cycle in October and  this one is the one for you 

xx


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## popsi (Oct 11, 2007)

sally

thats a lovely thing to do, come on here and tell us all your lovely story, i am sure it will mean a lot to all the people going thru/or who have adopted to hear your wonderful thoughts

good luck in october xxx


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## sillylally (Jan 1, 2006)

Popsi - Hi. Well I will try to make it short.... My birth Mum had 2 children already when she fell pregnant with me. She decided the best thing was to give me up for adoption. she was in the hospital with me until I was 5 days old, then I went to the Foster home. I think there was some trouble with the adoption because my birth mum had given me the surname of her 1st hubby (NOT my father) & because he had to sign papers to say I was NOT his, despite the name & also that he was happy for me to be given away it took ages. Apparently he refused at first, but later on he agreed it was fine & at about 18 months old I was officially adopted.

I was brought up by a very lovely couple, had everything I needed & such a wonderul home & friends & family. It really can't have been easy for them to bring up somebody elses child, but they always told me I was adopted. I used to tell everyone I met that "when I'm older I'm going to find my parents" but I had no idea of the emotions behind that. 

They tried for 14 years to have their own baby but it never happened. The Dr's told them that a lot of people have their own AFTER they adopt. But for them, sadly it didn't happen. They were married a week short of 42 years before my mum passed away & even then the nurses were telling my Dad how much like my Mum I was. 

I believe I became like them in my ways of looking at life. I think any adopted child will have traits of their natural parents (as does my Step Son) but they certainly do get like the parents who bring them up. I never ever felt that I wasn't their child. 

Anyone adopting, in my eyes, is the most wonderful person in the world. We as babies need love, we need the support & to belong to a loving family. We didn't ask to be born into chaos & we are so innocent so I really say a thank you from my heart to all of you who even think about adopting.

Thank you to you all xxxxxxx Sally xxxxxx


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

bumping this thread up for kirtsyn - hope it helps  

on a separate note we are gearing up to meet our sons - and while we would never have picked ds2 name it has grown on us and we'd never consider changing it now - though we are adding middle names for both boys   

oh and neither starts with a B  

ritz


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