# How to pull myself from this fertility related depression?



## Scorpio25 (Jan 5, 2012)

Hi to everyone

I am in a really bad place at the moment and feel really down all the time which is purely related to not being pregnant.  Although me and DP have only been trying for 7 months i feel that this has been doomed from the start as was diagnosed with PCO and mild endo not long after we started trying.  I try to focus on the positives which are tubes are clear, do ovulate as shown by OPK's and blood test, SA came back ok....so why do i feel like this is never going to happen?  Docs have said to go away and keep trying.

How do u ladies pull yourself through each day? Are there any useful mantras that you say to yourself that helps? My partner is very black and white when it comes to this stuff and said "theres no point in wasting one life in pursuit of another" which really hit home but i cant stop feeling down about this and obsessing over it.  I'm petrified that the endo will get progressively worse the longer this all takes but realise that my major stress levels arent going to help the process either. For the whole 7 mths i've been going for tests left, right and centre and awaiting results inbetween. Not to mention the massive fear and panic of having a lap done.  So you could say that it hasnt been the easiest of starts on this journey and is no wonder i havent fallen due to all the stress and panic.

I guess i just need to hear some positivity and any ways of dealing with the depression side of things. P.S my GP wont put me on antidepressants while ttc so have to deal with this on my own. xx


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## vanessa1 (May 11, 2011)

Hi Scorpio, I just read your post and couldn't read and run! Its very easy to get really worried and negative when your doing all the tests etc and to start beating yourself up about not getting pregnant. The wonderful thing about FF's is you realise that there are loads and loads of people who have all sorts of issues that are hindering their pregnancy but they get there and they have babies! It's encouraging and supportive and I would encourage you to keep linked in and you'll be amazed at how much love and support you get from people who know what you're going through! This in itself will help you to feel stronger and to cope better with what you're going through. It isn't easy and it can get you down but keep the belief! Miracles do happen and there is no reason why it shouldn't happen to you!

My DH and i have been trying for 7 years, on and off, all sorts of issues, including PCOS, endo etc. I did a 2nd round of ICSI in March and had immune treatment and utter amazement I got pregnant! Sadly I m/c but you know I take away the amazing positivity that those little ones proved I could get pregnant! Try not to get yourself too upset, it will happen and it can happen, try and keep positive. Send you lots of    I have a good feeling for you!

I had a lap  done and hysterscopy and like you i was terrified about having it done! But you know it was fine! The most incredible thing is that they can treat endo and check everything out, I had my lap done after 5 years of trying and they found I had adhesions from an appendix op years ago and this was affecting my Fallopian tubes etc, so it's really worth doing it. I wish I had done it earlier! Have you got consultants etc looking after you?  Make sure you get a good one to do the lap,  if there is anything that needs attention you want someone brilliant to get it sorted. I managed to do mine on Bupa as it was investigative but you may not have this/need this.

I'm sorry I'm blabbering on, hopefully not making you feel worse   keep positive and try keep happy, it will happen! Go with the flow, do as many tests as you can and keep trying. Take care of yourself and don't give up hope.
Take care honey and if you ever feel blue I'm always here to keep you smilin'!
Hugs  
Lots of magic fairy dust to you

Vanessax


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## ALWAYSWISHING (Nov 6, 2011)

Hi  
In feel that when you want something so much it's difficult not to get down when it seems like it will never happen.  
My DH had a vasectomy reversal when i met him and it took five years of tears and meltdowns and feeling that I couldn't cope before he had it reversed.  The op was successful and was told we had a good chance of getting pregnant.

Went for results two months later and all it was showing were heads.  I feel we are back to square one with no chance. 

I had a few bad weeks but couldn't live in the bedroom in tears for next few years, so trying to think positive and see what happens.  

I have good days and bad days.  Keep positive and try not get too stressed, i know easier said than done

Take care


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

hi scorpio x

"I am in a really bad place at the moment and feel really down all the time which is purely related to not being pregnant." 
I could have written that myself - story of the last 10 years of my life but i feel a bit better since we started down the IVF route since at least we have some kind of plan, even though our chances are tiny.

" Although me and DP have only been trying for 7 months... " that's not long, in the grand scheme of things, it's only 7 goes! on its own that is no reason to worry, though i know that doesn't help..

"i feel that this has been doomed from the start as was diagnosed with PCO and mild endo not long after we started trying. "
from reading this site it is clear that many many people with problems still get a baby! don't give up!

"I try to focus on the positives which are tubes are clear, do ovulate as shown by OPK's and blood test, SA came back ok...."
which is fantastic - these are great positives!

"so why do i feel like this is never going to happen?" Because infertility is _very_ scary. xxx

"Docs have said to go away and keep trying." That's so annoying isn't it! i was told to go away and keep trying then i was told i was too old! you can't win! i don't think we should accept the 'keep trying' thing beyond more than a couple of extra months or so, because we only get one life.. i think if a doc says 'keep trying' we should agree to another 3 months or so and then start investigating other options. Don't be like me and wait years!

"Are there any useful mantras that you say to yourself that helps?" yes. 'just keep swimming' as they said in the film 'finding nemo'. and i rather like that quote from 'the best exotic marigold hotel' (though i think that wasn't original) where they said something like 'everything will be ok in the end, if things aren't ok, it's not the end'.

"My partner is very black and white when it comes to this stuff and said _"theres no point in wasting one life in pursuit of another"_ "
i really wish my partner had been a bit more like that - he just kept saying 'we'll have to try harder' and 'maybe it will work this time' which left me feeling unable to pursue help elsewhere because i kept thinking 'it must have worked this time' thus spending about half the last 10 years believing i was pregnant and then being upset at AF arrival.. by the time i got over that it was time to 'try again' and then back on the rollercoaster.. i think if he had been more black and white about it i might have got help sooner..

"I'm petrified that the endo will get progressively worse the longer this all takes" i have heard that diet can help endo maybe that is something worth looking into, you could perhaps help stop it getting any worse... buy yourself some time..

" but realise that my major stress levels arent going to help the process either." again, i could have written that.

"For the whole 7 mths i've been going for tests left, right and centre and awaiting results in between. Not to mention the massive fear and panic of having a lap done. So you could say that it hasnt been the easiest of starts on this journey and is no wonder i havent fallen due to all the stress and panic. " try some meditation or something? by the sound of that you have been focussing on the physical and maybe not so much on the spiritual and emotional... aim for a balance  I looked on youtube for some stuff to watch and it has been quite helpful in helping me get to sleep/relax. 
try and do some stuff to make you feel good, even little, silly stuff. I have been walking around/sleeping with an orange towel, it is most cheerful and orange is the colour of the sacral chakra which is the area of the body for fertility and all that. I know, grand scheme of things, an orange towel is unlikely to be the thing that makes the baby happen, but hey, it's a nice towel, i like it. maybe a stack of small things like that will be the things that make me relaxed enough for my IVF to work.

"I guess i just need to hear some positivity and any ways of dealing with the depression side of things." you need a plan. it does help. make small plans and big ones.. things to aim for, goals, stuff to focus on. Small plan = (for example) have a good day, one where i do something fun, get plenty of sleep, eat something wonderful, and do something for someone else to make them smile. 
Big plan = (this was mine, insert one of your own) 'sign up for IVF treatment'...

No you don't have to deal with this on your own.. x just because the GP won't help, there are more people out there than just your GP.


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Scorpio,

I just wanted to reassure you that even without Fertility problems, TTC can sometimes take a bit longer then we would like.  My SIL and BIL who have no issues at all, took 1 year to conceive their first and then 1 month to conceive their second.

I know that you have some fertility problems and it will make it a bit harder to get pregnant then someone that doesn't, but please try and keep positive and keep your chin up.  You have said yourself that you are ovulating, so I truly believe it will only be a matter of time, unless the lap shows a problem.

Do some lovely things with your DH, holidays, nights out.  Thats what me and my DH did and I am so glad that I did, as once you do get a little one, you never get that time back as a couple again.

I wish you all the best for the future.

Stacey
x


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## Scorpio25 (Jan 5, 2012)

Thank you to all those lovely ladies who replied-especially Goldbunny-i found ur response really helpful and thank you for taking the time to reply to every bit of my message, i really appreciate it.

Today i feel a bit better as:

1. I have been reading some success stories of women who conceived with pcos and endo. : )
2. I have spoken with my GP today who has suggested that i do 2 months worth of ovulation blood tests and if they come out as negative then he will refer me to a fertility specialist.  (the reason we are doing this is to be certain i am ovulating every month as last month i dont think i did). 

I feel that now if they come back positive then i can carry on trying naturally with the peace of mind that i've had 3 blood tests done to confirm it - or if they show i'm not then i will get some help sooner rather than later and preferably before the endo gets any worse.  Obviously i would prefer them to come back positive as i know Clomid isnt always the answer and can cause more problems than good. As i have variable cycles i will be doing 3 blood tests along the way to make sure we catch it. Fingers crossed its a positive again.


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## ALWAYSWISHING (Nov 6, 2011)

Really glad your feeling a bit better and looking for the positives   
xx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Argh Scorpio - sorry I've not posted these links before now - sadly one of my best friends is in hospital after his second emergency op in a week fighting cancer - and has just got out from ICU (again!)

Wanted to tell you to have a look at the Endo thread: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=9.0
There's also a PCOS thread too: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=13.0

Seven months isn't a long time, even without any 'issues' that hamper getting pregnant.... I knew that our gp's wouldn't refer any patients for fertility checks and investigations until we'd been trying for 2 years, so its worth investigating what your gp's practice rules are on referrals etc... 
you and hubby need to get yourself into top babymaking and carrying health - multivitamins / folic acid. Get a decent diet under your belt / exercise cut down on the booze and the ****.

Making babies should be exciting, spontaneous and FUN, but when all you can think of is baby making, sex soon becomes a chore and a bore and its not fun for either of you. I know it's easy for me to say try not to worry - have been in your shoes and it's awful - but if you get to understand what steps you need to take next, and when you can do that, it gives you something to focus on as a backup plan.

Wishing you all the very very best
Sheila


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## Scorpio25 (Jan 5, 2012)

Ok i thought i was ok the other day and now i seem to be worse than ever. Doc is wanting me to do further ovulation tests to see if its happening regularly or not but i'm debating whether or not to do this. Reason is, if i'm not then he will refer me to a specialist who will either say we havent been trying long enough (and then i'll have to go away in the knowledge that i dont ovulate every cycle and worry about it) or he'll suggest putting me on clomid or some other fertility drug which makes the endo worse! I cant win it seems! 

So part of me is just thinking of giving up on the fertility help route coz i dont see how it can help in my circumstances. I've had all the tests done which have come back relatively positive so maybe i just need to accept that it may take a few years and carry on naturally.  I dont feel like i've given it a chance naturally yet and the 7 mths that we have been tryin has been totally angst filled!  I've read of women getting pregnant naturally with pco and endo-and as mine are both mild then hopefully its only a matter of time in my case and if i wasnt stressing al the time my periods might get more regulated anyway. I think if by 2 yrs it hasnt happened then i'll have to revisit the fertility route. 

Having written that i then toy with the idea that other women have gone on clomid with endo and have fallen quickly which hasnt had an effect on their endo-arrghhh i just dont know what to do! 

Any suggestions?? xx


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## cleo192 (Apr 9, 2012)

Hi Scorpio, sounds like we're in the same boat.  Lap in 2010 to remove endometriomas followed by mirena/ zoladex and been ttc since.  my day 21 tests are fine, as was hubby's SA.  Waiting for first appointment with fertility clinic...

I hit a really low point towards the end of last year (couldnt get out of bed first day of period each month, combination of pain and feeling hopeless, and constantly in tears) and turned to chinese medicine- accupuncture & herbs - to treat my endo, infertility and try and make me a bit more emotionally stable.  Still not pg, so don't know how effective it is in that respect, but noticed a big improvement in other areas.  Definate improvement in pain and coping much better emotionally / stress levels much better.  

Diet definately helps endo too - completely cutting out caffiene and alcohol in particular - i find if pain is under control everything else life throws at you is much easier to deal with. 

I've also looked at areas of life causing stress - work being at the top of the list! Remortgaged the house before i spoke to bosses as i genuinely believed i'd be shown the door, but not the case at all.  Didn't tell them about ttc but cleared the air about a lot of work related worries.  Still doing same job, with same responsiblities, but much less stressed about it.  

The other thing that helps me is charting basal temp - I get comfort in knowing what my body's doing - even when temp falls around d30 and I know period is on its way, it gives me hope that hormones are working so maybe, just maybe, it WILL happen one day.

At the same time we've also discussed our options if it isn't to be - fostering /adoption / surrogacy - whilst we've got everything crossed we will have our own family, i think being really open and facing these scenarios is helping us cope in the meatime. 

Good luck with your journey x


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