# SW asking as about preferred age and sex.



## Chocolate Button (Jan 1, 2008)

Our Sw was asking us on Monday about the age ans sex of the child we thought we could cope with. DH and I had discussed this in great detail over the last few months and had pretty much made up our minds. We would like to be considered for as young as possible, but we did say that 0-5 would be our preferred ages. I am a child development officer and work with the 3-5 age group so its my comfort zone. We also said that we would like a girl, but if it was a sibling group then we would be happy with a boy and girl, but not two boys. 
After a long discussion the SW tried to persuade us to up our age to 6 if it was a sibling group. I did see the reasoning behind this, but now I am a bit unsure. It is older than I hoped for.
She also told us a story about an 18myh old boy that they couldn't place because the majority of couples want a girl. I felt so guilty and she said can I put you down for either sex than. I now am a little worried that we have been too quick to be swayed and I have nagging doubts.
What should I do I want to be a mummy so does it really matter?


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## fuzzywuzzy (Sep 3, 2009)

Hi, maybe your sw is just trying to help you keep your options open?  

When you are approved now you are 'approved to adopt', not approved for a certain age bracket or gender.  We agreed to go up to age 7 and either gender, but deep down I really hoped for under 5's - 2 of one specific gender or a boy and a girl.  We have recently been linked to 2 of the opposite gender under 5 and I feel it is meant to be!  

Remember - keeping your options open at this stage doesn't mean you can't be more specific later on.

Good luck

Fuzzy


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## Guest (Sep 30, 2009)

We never had to worry about this as we met our family before we'd even seriously considered adoption. However I always thought I probably wouldn't state a preference for gender as we wouldn't have been able to choose if we'd given birth to our children.  As for age - there are pluses and minuses - at least with older children you have a better idea of what you're getting and the issues you will face.  

The right children are there for you - it might just take a wee bit of time for you to find each other.

Bop


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi

Its good to keep your options open ie gender, you do generally have to wait longer if you are only looking for girls, however I would want to stick to the ages I'd originally said.  We first went into it with siblings 0-5yrs and then our SW decided 1 or 2 children 0-4yrs when filling in the form.  As it happens we adopted a boy aged 2yrs 2months whereas I'd always wanted a girl and like you wasn't wanting 2 boys.  We are now waiting to start again but are specifying a girl this time and are prepared for a longer wait but as we have DS to keep us busy I don't think we will find it as hard as the first time.

If you are not happy with the changes speak to your SW.  You could end up being sent details for children that just aren't in the age you are happy with and it can be hard going reading the details of potential children that do 'fit' your criteria.  You can always say no to a potential match though having experienced that it is very hard to do.

Good luck
OT x


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## Chocolate Button (Jan 1, 2008)

I can always count on you all to help ease my nerves. Thank you. xx

I am a little anxious because on Mon SW said a few things that led us to ask if she was looking for children for us at the moment, remembering we are not at panel until Feb/Mar 2010 although our ref have been contacted and medicals are back. Anyway she said without a doubt, YES!!!
It has made me anxious to say the least.  

Fuzzywuzzy I think I will ask my SW again about the brackets as I understood from her if we wanted to change our age group after being approved then we would have to go back to panel. It would be much better your way then I wouldn't worry so much about being to specific.

Bop I agree that if it had happened naturally we would have been delighted with either. I guess thants why I feel guilty about choosong, but all our friends and family have girls and I think that a girl would have friends and fit in easier.

Mavis I think you are right the matching is the hardest part!!

I will speak to SW and say we are happy to listen to other profiles, but make sure she knows we do have a preferance. I now think it is right to keepour options open. xx


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## emsina (May 23, 2005)

Hiya,

Coming in a little late on this, but here's my personal opinion. I feel reading your initial message your heart is set on 1-2 children 0-5yrs, at least one being female. You have also stated 2 very valid reasons, your work and your family of little girls. Now s/ws can be very persuasive to meet their own ends. Eg. "the poor little 18mnth old boy" line just doesn't cut the mustard and I'm sure you know that really. I for one would take him tomorrow . This is your forever family you are talking about, not how to make life easy for the s/w. Yes you can turn down potential matches, but, having experienced it myself as has OT, this is not something to be recommended. There are little girls out there by the way, trust me 



Chocolate Button said:


> What should I do I want to be a mummy so does it really matter?


I would say yes, it does matter - very much.


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## Chocolate Button (Jan 1, 2008)

Thanks Emsina. It certainly is loads to take in and think about. I don't see SW again until a week on Tue so I will have a really good think before then.
Im glad you came in a little late.


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