# anxiety and constant worrying



## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi ladies I hope it's not just me that feels this way and I'm really sorry if it sounds stupid but I've always been a somewhat worried but since my ectopic and infertility diagnosis I've noticed my worries getting worse I'm scared to see my gp incase he sees my anxiety and worry as unfit for ivf.. firstly it started as what if ivf doesn't work or it does and something goes wrong to me worrying about things that have nothing to do with infertility. I worry about such stupid things like what if the bus is full of people I'll have to wait for the next one, what ifI get attacked, what if something bad happens to me or my family, what if this cold isn't really a cold. I did see a counsellor and she helped me threw them which worked for a while but now I've somehow taught myself to worry about things again. The thing is I know sone worrys won't happen and I know some worrys could happen but either way I can't control it. I can't tell anyone cause I know they'll thing I'm stupid my partner was saying I was silly earlier cause I saw something on the news and thought were all going o die he just didn't understand and to be honest neither do I I knowhow I must sound to people.  We were at my partners mums earlier and my partners baby niece was there and his mum was shoving her in our faces and telling us to speak to her and I felt my heart race and felt sick I grabbed my phone as a escape and smiled at them so they didn't think I was ignorant, why can't people just see that I'm struggling with things without me blurring it out I can only feel like I can talk on this site. anyone els having these problems how did you cope and stop this worrying I'm sorry if all this sounds crazy I don't know where eles to turn xx


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## Dandanxx (Jan 15, 2011)

I suffer with anxiety, and it has been crippling at times. I find if I'm going through a stressful time it is at its worse. Also, the month I got my surprise natural bfp (although I didn't know it at the time) I was really anxious and kept getting panic attacks, so hormonal changes do play a part. 
Cbt worked very well for me, maybe try that and see how you get on. Please don't think you are silly, you would be surprised just how many people suffer with this but don't like to open up to others for fear of people not understanding.
It doesn't need to take over your life, there is help for you x


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## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

I suffer from anxiety - I have done since I was a child. It got progressively worse. So I understand your pain.

It awful when your mind doesn't stop racing. Mine is worse just before bed, so I sleep terribly.

I've had counselling, attended mindfulness course, CBT, hypnosis...

CBT didn't help me, but that is because my brain is too quick to turn to a negative. I have heard it has been a life saver for some people.

Mindfulness calmed me down considerably. The 'official' stress reduction course can be found here: http://bemindful.co.uk/ It's around £250, but it was the best £250, I have spent. If you do mindfulness, make sure you get a qualified instructor. When your mind quietens, some of your 'real' fears can pop up. A qualified person can help you deal with it.

Mindful compassion books are very helpful. Kristin Neff teaches you how to be kind to yourself instead of beat yourself up.

Hypnosis helped me get rid of a few of my negative beliefs but is expensive and you have to find someone qualified/who you can trust. It didn't reduce my anxiety though, just got rid of some beliefs.

Chimp paradox book has had an amazing calming effect on me recently. I plan on reading it again and following the program. My anxiety is now called my chimp. It says we worry when we are not getting our need met. Our desire to procreate is part of our subconscious drive. Finding something to temporary nurture may help.

In my case refined sugar is an issue. I get far more anxious if I eat sugar. Since avoiding, I am far better.

Check your thyroid. I am borderline hypothyroid with hashimoto's - only diagnosed earlier this year. Since being on thyroid medication and giving up gluten, my anxiety has naturally reduced considerably. In fact, having my thyroid under control caused the biggest reduction in my anxiety.

Anxiety is an illness, just like any other illness of the body. If it is out of control, I would see your GP. She/He will be able to help you get the resources you need (in some places mindfulness is available on the NHS).

Good luck to you.

From a fellow worrier.
xx

/links


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thanks for your replies it's nice to know I'm not alone I've been sitting here thinking I'm literally going mad. when I tell someone a fear of mine they laugh and say it's a silly thought but to me it isn't, I know I shouldn't be thinking about a certain worry but can't help it and when people laugh it just makes me think I'm mad. I can somehow trick my mind into not worrying for so long but it always comes back. I never thought of it as an illness before. I never new just how Mich help you could get for it I'll defiantly look into these things to help me because its really starting to irratate me. It's like the other day ( I have massive phobia of spiders if I see one I'm gone)and I saw one on the floor (a big one) my partner took it away and I had to bleach the floor and before I sat down I checked there were none on sofa and felt like it was on me then started to check my bed before I went sleep. So what I'm trying to say is it turns from a phobia/worry to something more extreme and can't stop it. I've noticed I've started getting headaches and wandering if the anxiety is causing this to........there I go again another worry it's a never ending circle x


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## Guest (Sep 28, 2014)

Hi Tinkerbell, I think going through difficulties trying to have a family and pregnancy loss especially, can really affect you physically and emotionally. I've felt like I've lost a few layers of protection and felt much more sensitive since all my pregnancy losses, on top of other challenging life experiences. If you're quite a sensitive person anyway it's likely to affect you, but that doesn't mean you can't recover, grow through it and get on with life  

CBT could be good for this kind of thing as you can write down what is reasonable vs what is unlikely & due to anxiety - plus acknowledging what you've been through & where it came from! I also think compassion & self-soothing is important (being nice to & kind to yourself, nurturing yourself through difficult times, doing enjoyable things etc). I'd like to remember to meditate more often, as I have 'learnt' it and hope to get my energy back soon. You're definitely not alone and I hope things soon pick up for you, or you push through it all regardless   Big hug xxx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Merlin I'm sorry for your losses    I'm defiantly a sensitive person I'm quite good at acting like things don't bother me when they do but then when I get home in either Moody or in floods of tears. I definitely need to nurture myself more. Thank god for this site because I'd be on my own if it wasn't here. I really wish I had someone to talk to in my family but it's really hard and because I can't talk to anyone it all bottles up inside me and more worry sets in if that makes sense. The things we have to go through and it's times like these you find out who your real friends and family are xx


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## 2Buttons (Jul 11, 2012)

Hi tinkerbell, just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of, you are not alone and anxiety is a very common problem. For me psychotherapy works best as my baggage is all pre-memory so I need abstract tools. Love mindfulness stuff though. Good luck hun, hope u feel better soon


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thanks for your reply 2buttons I'm feeling really rubbish today and more pathetic than ever I was watching something on the news which freaked me out and now I'm sitting here in tears and scared. I'm worrying that much I dont want to go out, I'm suppose to be meeting my Nan tomorrow to help her do a shop and I feel scared to go incase something bad happens I really don't know what do with myself. I'm scared to go to my go incase when in cones to ivf they see me as unfit. I know I read to much into things but now I've heard something on the news I'm constantly looking for updates out of fear of something happening. I feel stupid for crying but can't stop it x


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## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

Hey Tinkerbell, 

You are certainly not pathetic! You've been through so much, and infertility is incredibly, incredibly hard. Most people don't understand that. Try to take a few deep breaths to calm yourself. Are you able to call someone? Your mum or a friend? If you can't try, scribbling down all your fears, what ever comes into your head, on a piece of paper - this may help your brain to see things into perspective. Try to switch into the present moment. If al else fails, look at funny cat/dogs moments on youtube. 

Most importantly, you probably need to call your GP in the morning for an appointment the same day. The GP should be sympathetic. It's only about 6 weeks since I was sitting sobbing in my GPs office because of infertility. Anxiety/depression - they see people suffering every day. In fact, throughout my life I have been to my GP many times with anxiety or depression. 

Your not alone in your feelings. Take care. This feeling you have is temporary - it WILL pass.

And, don't watch the news anymore. I never watch it now.

xx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thankyou I feel much calmer reading your post. What topped it off is the thing i saw on the news and my thought was oh my god we all going to die and as soon as I thought it I new it sounded stupid then my brother came and I was talking to him about it and he just made me worse by putting more fears in my head and saying yes it will probably happen soon.  I got my email up ready to email my cousins girlfriend who I felt like I wanted to talk to but ended up not emailing cus I thought how silly I sounded and didn't think they'd possibly understand me. I've put things down on paper which does help but then I think to myself it doesn't matter what I put on paper cause it will still happen. After I finished all my counselling sessions I was told cbt could help but I felt better and chose not to do it but now after watching and reading the stupid news I'm back to square one. Every morning I wake up I check the news sight and whenever I get chance to its become a habbit I can't seem to stop doing. my partners at work now and he knows since I've seen this on the news I've become a nervous wreck and tells me to stop panicking. I didn't realise how much it was getting to me until I went to see a relative today and looked in every corner out of fear something was going happen to me but as soon as I hit her door I was fine x


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## 2Buttons (Jul 11, 2012)

Tinker bell, hun  , soz  I just lost my post but essentially ur physiology is out of kilter cos of the ivf stress... I'd suggest a session with ur counsellor to decompress a little, they can also help u determine if medication would help. Be kind to urself, this is v v common, u r not crazy, u will recover xx     Ps ur bro sounds like a   he sounds too immature to help u, u need someone who understands the problem, if no family/friends use the gp...and us of course


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Thankyou 2button my brother is very very immature and bassically laugh at my worries or make them worse. The thing is with me is I took everything my counsellor said like taking 1 day at a time and telling myself to worry tomorrow and forget it today but it doesn't always work. my family arnt that understanding so like to vent alot on here so thank god for this site. At the moment I've found something on tv to watch and made a cuppa tea with biccys to calm myself before my partner gets home from work. My main problems start at night when my partner falls asleep and I'm left lying there worrying and whey noise I hear I fear somethings going to happen. I sometimes have a joke about my own worries to relatives just to test their reaction and off course they laugh or agree that Ishould be worrying which I hate. I don't want my worry to stop me going anywhere and looking in every corner I walk cause I know that can cause more problems. I can't believe how something on the news though it is serious has caused me so much worry and left me terrified. I just feel quite lonkey in this and slightly   I've upset myself so Mich I now have a headache and sore throat so hopefully I'll sleep tonight without a worry


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## 2Buttons (Jul 11, 2012)

Oh sweetie, it's just a bad patch, u need some tools to get through it. If you have outgrown ur counsellor, find another one/try a different style of therapy. I'll share  some of my story to prove u r not alone... 

Psychotherapy worked wonders for me when IF stress had brought all my problems into overdrive...exercise is essential plus not blaming urself for ur biochemistry, and reaching out when u need help. Gotta fly, but u can always pm me, I do feel for u xx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Oh goodness that sounds horrendous I'm sorry for all you've been through and glad you've cone out the other side. If my problems were things that probably won't happen I find it easier to push away but things I know may happen seem to stay and that's where my main worries lie. I have massive fears of spiders, enclosed spaces with alot of people around and wars and if I see soenthing on the news which is like any of them my mind goes into overdrive I even plan escapes if something happens but then I think who am I kidding why can't I just get on with life instead of worrying and bassically wasting my life away. It even makes me question ivf just incase something bad happens.I'm really thankful for your support you've really helped me thank you x


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## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

Remember that the news, generally, only print the 'bad' things. There is so much good that happens in the world, but it doesn't make a sensationalist story. There are threats in the world right now - but there always has been, and unfortunately, threats may always exist. But, there is no crystal ball to predict the future. In reality, you don't know what is going to happen one minute from now, you can predict, but you don't know for 100% sure. Within the next few weeks, you may win the lottery. You may see an old friend. World peace maybe found. If the news upsets you, it is worth switching it off until you are feeling stronger. This doesn't mean you don't care about what is going on. Also, if you can, avoid people who will wind you up or be insensitive to your anxiety.

As the other posters have said, your brain is out of kilter at the moment, because of what you have been through. It takes time to recover, just like it takes time to recover from a broken leg. To make you feel better: I have been told by a psychotherapist that anxious people are very intelligent - because they are great thinkers. Congratulations on being very intelligent. 

Your spider phobia is very common. Can your partner get rid of them for you?

Here is are some free mindfulness sessions (there maybe some more on youtube). It might help you today: https://www.headspace.com/

Have a wonderful day.

xx


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi deedee your post made a lot of sense, I really wish I didn't watch or read the news but it's become a habit. I went shopping with my Nan today and felt better than I though then I went back to her house and she made me feel better. As I looked around today no one was talking about the fear I have on the news and my Nan hadn't got a clue what I was going on about and she watches the news so I new I'd made this 10 times worse in my own mind. It's bassically when I'm on my own or watching tv at night with my partner and I just driftback to a fear. Every knock at my door I jump. I heard a helicopter last night for 2 hours and it terrified me. I'm begining to be scared of my own shadow. I just wish my worries could go aside so I can get on with life instead of thinking what is or isn't going to happen. I never took much notice of the news until I flicked through a site one night and was reading celeb gossip and the news was on the left hand side and since then I just regularly check it like I need to if that makes sense? I just always felt safe where I live and thought nothing bad happens here compared to the rest of the world and always felt lucky but now I feel scared. As the for the spiders my partner will remove them but after he has I have to check everywhere and shake myself thinking it's on me I check around the sofa before I sit down too. My mind definitely has a mind of its own x


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## Emsie11 (Jul 16, 2011)

Hi tinkerbell24, if you know your GP quite well would you feel comfortable saying to her that you might need help with anxiety but don't want it to affect your treatment with ivf, and ask what she thinks before you give full details? I'm just thinking that it's better to get yourself sorted out with the help you need? I suffered from anxiety during pregnancy, I was overwhelmed with worries about all sorts of things, just like you describe. I got CBT through gp referral when we realised that it wasn't a pregnancy thing that I could sort out myself, as it carried on after mine were born and was like a runaway train and other people's logic and advice just went in one ear and out the other, nothing could stop me worrying. It's so so stressful going through ivf, I still struggle to think about it, and I think asking for help to cope with anxiety is understandable, and commendable. Rather than seeing it as a weakness, I would think the doctors would see it as you proactively getting yourself in the best shape mentally for when you get your BFP. I hope you don't mind me posting this, I'm sorry you're going through this. X


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Emsie thank you for your reply it was really helpful and congratulations on becoming a mummy  I will normally speak to my gp and get help but somebody told me that anxiety may cause problems with ivf so I decided have nose around and see what others thought and been through. I definitely need to get this sorted before ivf because I know I'll find it 10 times harder than it's already going to be. I'm really happy I can post on this site because I can't talk to any family or friends because I know they won't understand so it just makes me feel alone and in my own bubble that I can't seem to pop. Certain worrys that no probably won't happen will leave my mind quicker but worries I think will happen won't go away and a couple of worries I have now won't go away and I've never cried over anxiety as much as I did last night. I wasn't even sure if I had anxiety I thought it was more of me been a worry wart but with what I've read up on it seems more Like anxiety and so glad I'm not alone and crazy x


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## SWGirl (Aug 19, 2004)

Hi Tinkerbell24,

I don't know whether my method of dealing with the roller coaster of emotions associated with IVF could work for you but instead of attending counselling sessions,  I enrolled on a part time counselling course (It was cheaper than counselling and for me I think it was more beneficial).  I first thought about doing the course when I attended an information evening at a clinic and heard a counsellor speaking a lot of sense to the whole group.  I found her speech very inspiring but knew that if I attended counselling it would all be about me talking.  I wanted to understand a bit more about how talking may help before I actually paid to talk to someone.  It turned out to be a great idea.  My course was made up of about 12 people.  We worked in groups,  undertook a lot of counselling role-play situations and as time progressed we got to understand a lot more about each others backgrounds and why we had all found ourselves on the course.  I realised that I was very lucky in some ways as I still had hope and still had a chance whereas some of my fellow classmates had found themselves I. Very unfortunate situations that could not change.  They could only change their coping strategies.  At that time I was about to start my ninth round of treatment and all going well my sixth embryo transfer.  I was preparing myself for how I would continue to cope should it not work again and possibly further down the line how I would cope if I was advised that there was no point in me continuing with treatment.  I really enjoyed the course.  It gave me something to really look forward to each week and actually turned out to be a great way to 'think things through'.  I still plan to do the next stage of the course when I can.


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Swgirl that's a great idea I'm glad it's working for you I'll perhaps look in to that. I thought I was doing ok today until I went back on my enemy (the news) and read another update on my worry   scared myself half to death why do we do this to ourselves x


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## SWGirl (Aug 19, 2004)

Hi Tinkerbell,  I know someone personally that experienced fertility treatment that got caught up on the idea that she was anxious that she was forgetting to breathe and felt she had to concentrate on her breathing in order to breath properly.  It's easy to get caught up in your negative thoughts following traumatic events.  She ended up on medication.  I didn't think that medication was an answer for me but I wasn't enthusiastic about talking to a counsellor either,  particularly one that didn't have much experience of infertility.  I couldn't see how that could be more useful than talking to a good friend.  The course was so much more useful with a lovely friendly group atmosphere.  I would definitely recommend it.  I worked a 9-5 job and the course was a ten week course which started at 6.30pm and finished at 9pm.  By becoming familiar with terminology and methods relating to counselling, it started to feel easy and natural to try to look at things differently and I felt so lucky to have met such a lovely group of people.  I'd be interested to know what news item is playing on your mind and why you think it's concerning you so much.


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

That's exactly what I forget to do is breathe I tell myself to but get so caught up in my worry I forget.my counsellor had no experiance in fertility so I was really worried about going to her but I soon realised what I needed to do is get all my hurt out and it helped it was a stranger. I want people in my family to support me but find it very hard to open up to people I know. i know s one worries I have comes from bad experiences as I've been through alot... Things I havnt really spoke about. The worries I have around the news is crime like things it scares me to the point I start thinking of if it's safe to leave the house or get scared to be alone. I spoke to my cousins partner the other days who's alot older than me and he explained the news worries I had and really put my mind at ease it was a good feeling. Feeling a bit low this weekend it was the 4 year anniversary of my ectopic yesterday and it seemed everyone forgot about, I ended up texting my mum to tell her. my partner today said I'm really miserable lately and I moan at everything and the thing is I know I am but I always seem to find a excuse as to why I'm like that I just don't feel normal anymore I have days where I think I'm having a really good week nothing's going to drag me down then I have these feelings   x


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## SWGirl (Aug 19, 2004)

You're not alone in being scared to be alone.  I can't watch anything scary on TV if my partner is not here and I have trouble seeping if he's not here but then I've never been great at watching scary things at the best of times.  Do you tend to think most people are good people or that generally people are bad people? I think it's normal and healthy for us all to acknowledge that there are some bad people out there,  it makes us all think about keeping to safe routes and places,  not going to secluded places alone and after dark etc.  I do think though that generally despite the news reports,  most people are nice.  There does seem to be a lot of very nice people around generally I think.  I'm very careful about where I walk etc after dark and also not going to any secluded places without friends even in the daytime but generally speaking to people,  including strangers in shops etc,  as long as it's a safe environment I have in the back of my mind that most people are good people.  Do you feel ok in typically safe environments in the daytime?  i.e your local shops,  walking along your street or a busy street in the daytime etc?


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

I think news wise if I see something terrible happening somewhere I think what would happen if that happens here? What would I do? My dad works loading and unloading going to different places the furthest he's been is 2 hours away and I always think what if something happen d to him whilst traveling or if he had a accident? My mum also has ms she still works as it dormant at the moment but I always think what if it got really bad how would my dad cope? What would I do? Which I know is normal to think but my counsellor tried to teach me to face it when and if it comes which ddoes actually work at times but if I can't think of a way to deal with it when it comes it plays on my mind if that makes sense. I'm generally ok walking around, I won t go anywhere at night on my own, I used to take short cuts when I was younger and it never bothered me at all but now I think all that danger I could of put myself in when I was younger walking around at dark. When I do walk around I do look around and if I feel uncomfortable with a person who's near me I'll walk the opposite way. Men tend to scare me more than women but I've had a few bad experiances where men are concerned ive been treated badly. When I had my first ever job when I was younger I was on a bus with a colleague and the bus was stopped by men and luckily the police were called and we were ok I have taken buses since but do get very nervy and has been times I've got off earlier and called someone to fetch me. I've found my partner is the only one I've trusted from the word go but can still find things with him like what if he strays? What would I do? my counsellor went through all my history and seemed there was reasons for my fears and insecurity but some worries I have now I don't think is something from my past I think it's just I've got that habbit of worrying about anything that scares me and s one days I manage to get rid of the worry and other days it can last ages which is where I tend to be really miserable which can cause problems with my partner cause he can't understand why win worried. I sometimes talk to a realitive about something that's bothering me but I won't actually tell them it's bothering me I just bring it up in conversation to see how they act and if they don't act worried about it it makes me think why arnt they scared about it or worried? Hope all this makes sense x


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Just as I thought my week was looking a bit better anxiety has gone down slightly, my tumble dryer goes bust, so does my iron and now my mobile network is down. Looking on the plus side I couldn't check the news but then on my way to visit a relative I see a women I know who knows s one of my worries and she decided to update me on my news worries   so when my mobile signal went down I stupidly and pathetically thought something bad was going to happen sitting there biting my nails. On the way back from my relatives I was looking around making sure I looked and felt safe   I feel ok at my relatives because the talk is different but I can't go there every time I worry. My partner is on a late shift until 10 so just over thinking things I wish I could stop thinking things are going to happen just because I over think what someone says or see the news and think something will happen just a down day I think x


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Hi ladies my mum has asked me to go early Xmas shopping with her tomorrow but I feel a panickedlike something bad is going to happen but I know I've got go I want to face my fears but I have a really strong feeling and iit's making want to make an excuse though she'd go on her own I'd worry about her shopping alone any suggestions x


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