# In a dilemma!! One last try 5th time - Own eggs or Donor eggs?



## svb (Aug 18, 2008)

Hi Ladies,
I wonder if I could trouble you for some advice.  

I am 44, next week actually  and have had 5 (inc FET) IVF attempts virtually straight after another.
DH and I are completely exhausted, physically, mentally and financially  
I should have started DR'ing again last week, but we have decided to take a short break for 2 reasons.
1. to try and save up some $$$$$$$$$$
2. DH felt like tx was completely taking over our lives, so to have a bit of a breather

DH has been finding things emotionally and financially harder to cope with than me. He is a big worrier about money. I am prepared to put tx on a credit card and pay it off later as I know time is not on my side. 
I am now in a dilemma.  
DH has agreed to one more go. I am unsure as to whether he will agree any more after this  
So, do I go for one last treatment with my own eggs. This is my preferred route if I had an open cheque book   I've always responded very well and got to blast twice.  
OR do I take the plunge and go straight for donor eggs. Now I have 2 choices here too. Either we look for a clinic abroad as waiting lists are far too long in the UK or my lovely SIL has offered to donate her eggs. This option is more expensive. With known donor in the UK is an extra £2k and for DE abroad, tx is £7k  

If we go for the treatment with my eggs and fail again, then potentially I may not get another go and will also be another £3.5k down!

I just wondered if anyone had any advice they could give me.  

Sarah xx


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

svb - just stumbled upton this....felt rude not to answer my thoughts...i think as you say your preferred option is your own eggs and you had good results previous...i would have one more go with your own. i wouldent use SIL. if that doesnt work then i would maybe adopt....  good luck


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## drownedgirl (Nov 12, 2006)

I think the problem is that at 44 many of your eggs will be chromosomally abnormal.. having had multiple mcs, from age 39-41, I never saw the point of IVf with my own eggs.... a friend donated eggs to me and we did a fresh and frozen cycle when I was 42... our lovely twins came from the FET. Admittedly I had no need to grieve the loss of a genetic link as we had ds1 already...

So i would say go for donor eggs... the chance of success is so, so much higher.. but have counselling first, to say goodbye to this first stage of your journey

xxxx


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## missmarple (Jul 23, 2009)

Totally agree with drownedgirl, but like her I have a two year old ds, therefore the biological link is not so important. I would say go for donor eggs but you have to dig down deep into yourself and ask if that is appropriate for you.

Like drownedgirl I know there is something up with my eggs (I am 41) as I have had four miscarriages in 2 years.  I am about to have one last IVF but then I will move straight to donor preferably from a genius supermodel 21 year old. Good luck.


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## svb (Aug 18, 2008)

Hi Girls.
Thanks so much for your feedback. I really appreciate it.
We have now had our appointment with the consultant brought forward to 13th October so will be able to ask for his advice and I think DH would prefer whichever option will give us the highest chance (which of course will be the DE)
I had lots of bloods done and the appointment is to discuss the results, although they've already told me on the phone they are all normal. He did say he had written off for some advice on my case, so not sure what that will entail but sounds interesting.
I do wonder if I will always regret not having one last go with my eggs, if I don't do it, but then I'm sure that if I have a bouncing baby at the end of it all, then that is the most important thing. We can't just keep throwing money at one after another tx.


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## Ruth (Aug 6, 2004)

Hiyyah

Felt I would also put forward an opinion, professional though!

I have to agree with drownedgirl that majority of your eggs are likely to be chromosomally abnormal no matter how good they look so your chances are reduced.

Egg donation would def. give you the best chance of success but obviously cost has to also be a factor. Your sister in law´s (presume she is in law on your side and not hubby´s sister!!) offer is so generous though you must be sure that receiving eggs from someone you know is what you want to do. Egg donation abroad need not cost 7000 euros, the clinic I work with charges 5000 euros for example.

I am happy to give you more info on treatment abroad if you decide that route.

Ruth


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## svb (Aug 18, 2008)

Hi Ruth
Yes SIL is my brother's wife.

Thank you for your advice. Will come back to you if that's the route we decide to go down for more info.


Sarah x


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

Hard choice to make not knowing for sure that your eggs may be defective. My only child is from a donor egg so I have no child with a genetic link to me and have no regrets. Using donor eggs is a hard choice that I always said no to, but now I have my darling I wouldn't change a thing- As to whether to go abroad or use SIL eggs, depending on where you go you could have very limited details about the donor to pass on to your child (my LO is Spanish donor and we know nothing apart from age and blood group) whereas with your SIL, your child will always have knowledge of her genetic backgroiund. That is also your choice as to what you prefer.

I hope yuo find your choice soon and that it brings yuo the darling child you desire and deserve.

kay xxx


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## missmarple (Jul 23, 2009)

Spaykay or anyone else - where can you go to find maximum information about the donor (in Europe, not the USA, I mean!).


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

I only know clinics in Spain hun. There are lot sof threads on here so you could ask around. I live in Spain so didn't have to look around as knew Spain was for me.

Good luck

Kay xxx


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## svb (Aug 18, 2008)

Quick update from me ...
We had meeting with Consultant today and have decided that we are going to go down the DE route. 
We simply cannot afford to go through another set of treatment with a 0-5% chance of success. We have to take the route with the best success rate. 
It's a shame, especially as my Con had checked with ethics committee on possibility of having 3 blasts put back and they have agreed.   (due to my history and age) sadly this is irrelevant now, but still upsetting as I would have liked one more go with my own eggs, but we don't have unlimited funds.  
We have decided on treatment in Spain, probably Alicante, as flights are very easy access, cheap and we have somewhere to stay.
I have contacted 4 clinics and we hope to have a trip out there to visit 2 or 3 and make a decision.

Spaykay - Which clinic are you at?

S x


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

I was at IVI in Valencia hun. I know there is an IVI in Alicante but don't know the other clinics. Have you sorted out some councilling about letting go of using your own eggs at all? I didn't have councilling but knew I had no other option, it wasn't because of money. I ave no regrets what so ever and adore my darling daughter, I hope the donor egg route brings you this joy!

Kay xxx


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

svb - hope it works hun


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## svb (Aug 18, 2008)

Thank you  

Kay, I haven't arranged any counselling no. I kind of feel like I don't have much option as I'm 44 now and although I've always had good responses and got to blast nothing has ever implanted, so it must be down to my age  
I may consider it though. Thanks.


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## Avon Queen (Jul 8, 2007)

svb - i had some counselling before my ivf and i found it was like a weight being lifted, having that time for release


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## RichmondLass (Apr 26, 2009)

svb just to let you know I have DD IVF at Institut Marques in Barcelona who are absolutely fab.  Quite pricey but no waiting list and tip top care.  It was all so easy and I am one of four women I know who got pregnant first time with DE.  However, there are other stories on the IM thread elsewhere on here.  But I would highly recommend them.

And a word of reassurance, once you make the decision to go DE you really don't ever look back.  I know it's a hard decision for many women to make but it's not second best so please don't be sad, and the baby will be every bit as much your own as it would be using you own eggs.  I know mine is!

RLxx


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## missmarple (Jul 23, 2009)

Hi Richmond Lass,

Can I ask you how long you had to stay in Barcelona? And did you use an agent or organise it all yourself - many thanks for your help!


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## RichmondLass (Apr 26, 2009)

hi Miss M

organised it myself - flew easy jet I think and booked hotel directly - looked up the first place on line and ended up at the Hilton on a special deal second time round as U2 were playing in Barca that night and everything was booked up!!

I stayed two nights both times but only as wanted to make a trip of it with a friend.  I think you could go there and back in a day for consultation if the times worked out for you but you need to stay at least one night after ET - that's what they recommend.  It doesn't actually make any difference at all, they told me, but women usualy prefer to err on the safe side and would kick themselves if anything went wrong.

It's all very easy and nothing to stress about - same as going away for weekend somewhere.  Infact I think both appointments were Friday in the end so that's what I did.

The clinic are extremely helpful and recommend places to stay except they are all on the pricey side - great if you fancy treating yourself. Advantage is they are within walking distance. 

RLxx


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## svb (Aug 18, 2008)

Hi Ladies.
I just wanted to say we booked our flights!!!   so we are on the way.
We have booked Monday afternoon with IB Instutue Bernabeu and Tuesday morning with Irema.
We have had to fly out on the Saturday though as no flights Sunday, but we'll just have a nice couple of days before hand.
Flights were £70 each inc all the extra charges and I've found car hire for 3 days for just less than £50.
Just need to get all my notes from our UK clinic now. Will have to email them over I think or I will be charged xs baggage we have so many  
S x


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## missmarple (Jul 23, 2009)

Thank you loads Richmondlass. It all sounds quite simple. I have had more trouble visiting IVF clinics in London I think.

Loads of good luck vibes to you svb.


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## drownedgirl (Nov 12, 2006)

Good luck!


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