# really struggling - any ideas?



## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

hi all

i think i am going to   my SW......

i think by now you've all guessed we have a tricky relationship with our SW - she is actually the SW manager and took us on cos panel felt our old SW didnt' really 'get us' at all and the form f needed redoing after approval.....so she is busy BUT we are struggling to deal with her never contacting us and when she does she tells us fibbies about the progress she has made  

we are shortlisted for a sibling group and awaiting the CPR which our SW has had since the 11 or 12th september. i hoped she would contact us this week to say whether she thinks they are suitable and if we should read it - we have heard nothing  
i called yesterday - out of office, today - out of office. despite me leaving 'call me' messages with the secretary i have heard nothing. i text her last night on the work mobile - nothing - and dh left message on the work mobile today - nothing. 
i am so annoyed   is it too much to ask to see the CPR or for her to say they are not suitable. it has been more than 1 working week now - am i being unreasonable?  

what can i say to our SW about this? 

tbh i have had enough....yeah great we have 4 possible's on our list but i cannot see them ever going anywhere. we enquired first week of august! 

a feeling blue Ritzi.


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Ritzi

I can't believe so many people have read your thread But not responded, even if its just to offer a hug   that you may need at this stage of your journey.

So first of all here is a cyber hug    

I would personally try to arrange an appointment with her.  I know you said she is not returning your calls, try emailing her if you have an email address & if that fails put it in writing.

Once a meeting has been arranged, voice your concerns and your feelings as to how you feel this "waiting" game is not being made easier for you when she has copies of cpr's that you are waiting to read.

i know SW have a lot on their plate & most SW are on the ball and I know that our 2 SW were brill, it's just sad when you hear stories like this and I'm sure she is working hard to find you your forever family, it just doesn't feel like it when there is a lack of communication.

Andrea
x


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

thanks superal 

yes i was surprised people had read but not offered a word of support - maybe everyone is as speechless as me about it  

thanks for the advice: 
our SW text yesterday morning to say she has the CPR but will share them only if we are chosen at the request of the childrens SW  seems bizarre cos what if we don't think they are suitable  - they will have to choose again   hey ho 

dh and i know we need to sit SW down and say more than struggling with the process we are struggling with her communication - i know she is busy i really do - but it would've taken 5 minutes to return that call on thursday and save us getting worked up  

we will have the patience of saints by the end of all this   thanks again superal  

ritz


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hiya

didnt want to read and run.  big     

keep us posted x x x


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## ❣Audrey (Aug 22, 2008)

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say thinking of you xxx


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi ritzi,

I am guilty as charged I tried to post a reply yesterday one of my usual long winded replies and the dam thing crashed and didnt have time to post another  sorry hun  as I really felt for you when I read it.

I suggested ringing the office and enquiring if all is well with your s/w ie; is she of sick or in meetings knowing full well she isnt of course but might make them sit up a bit! Also thought about going to the office in person if its local enough and maybe asking for the CPR to be left at reception cant think of much else just know it is so frustrating for you as I think we have all had to wait for the s/w's to get back to us at some point and its like your life is on hold when you are waiting.

If I can think of anything else will pm you

Take care

Dawny

xx


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## popsi (Oct 11, 2007)

ritzi.. as i am only just starting on this long road, i cant offer any advice but wanted to give you a big


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## emsina (May 23, 2005)

we're not allowed to see a cpr unless we are the chosen ones and all other couples have been eliminated.

Adoption across England, Scotland and Wales is so inconsistent, you can't even begin to explain to a newcomer how long it's going to take or what it's going to be like.  There's the staff shortages meaning some children are left waiting longer than they should, stories of s/ws who are so overworked and disillusioned they've forgotten how to be courteous, then there's the approved prospective adopters often left in the dark wondering if they'll ever achieve their dream.  Does anyone in government know what the reality is?

Having said that DH and I are both happy with our agency and all the s/ws we have met through them, but our journey hasn't been without its ups and downs, has anyones?

Hope you get some good news soon,
Love emsina x


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Ritzi

I did read and run however my laptop is playing up and battery low so i needed it to be able to mod the other thread! massive 

My normal trick is "just checking yur emaqil system is ok/mod phone" as not getting a reply ect!!!!

Our LA only let you read a CPR once you are the "choosen ones" however i understnad this is someway as it cant be nice lots of people reading a childs CPR 

good luck hun

xxx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Ritzi

I've just come back off holiday and am shocked that you are still having such a terrible time with your SW, ((((HUGS))))

With our LA you only get to see the CPR if the children's sw wants you to be the parents and in our case the first one we read we did have to turn down but we do know they have found that child a good home since.  

You'd think there would be a set protocol for matching but each LA/VA seem to do things different....with our ds we knew our details had been put forward at the linking meeting but I'd given up waiting to hear back after 5 weeks and just concentrated on the newer linking meetings.  Its such a hard time, waiting for your littlies, and a bit of a catch 22 as to whether you know when you are being considered or not.  Stay positive, keep nagging the SW and your children will find you.

Love
OT x


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

thanks everyone   now i feel guilty that you all feel bad you didn't respond    

i see why sometimes people don't get to see the CPRs - but what if they are not suitable? they have to start again or to they go to the next on the list?   just seems a slow (but more confidential) way of doing things   

we have 4 possibles - and only 2 CPRs read. Those 2 both seem great - SW says this one is too and she has no issues to discuss with us - the other CPR seems to have gone awol somewhere as we;ve been waiting for it for a couple of weeks!
so we do hope 1 of them will indeed be 'the ones'   pity it is taking so long though  

thanks again, Ritzi


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hiya

Until we were officailly linked to ds we were still being considered at linking meetings for other children, don't know if this is how your LA do things but it makes sense for the LA to do so rather than risk missing a 'perfect' match during the long delays that can happen while you and the SWs make their minds up about a possible match.

As we adopted within county, I can go to Under 5s and other support meetings knowing that no one else has read the CPR for our ds.  This is very important to us because of the sensitive information we have to give him when he is older and as we have made friends with other couples that may have been considered for him it would have made it difficult if they had known his full details.

Sounds as though you have plenty going on in the background and its just a matter of time before you find your little ones.  If you are unsure of how your LA work with regards to considering you for possible matches I'd ask your SW to clarify.

Love
OT x


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

OT thanks for your thoughts

we are with a VA so each child we enquire about is from a different LA with different rules. its very frustrating  

we heard this afternoon from one group (for whom we have the CPR) that another family was visited and selected   hoy hum.......i have emailed them asking for feedback on our form f and our VA so hoping that will prove insightful  

ritzi 

our SW called this evening to say it was also a no from the other sibling group in the same LA   no reason given 

i told our SW that we want to hear no more bar a yes or a no from the 2 possibles still in the frame. we are making no more enquiries and will wait for her to call us. we have had enough   she was very sweet and said often it gets to this stage - she feels she will only pursue local matches now and work behind the scenes for us 

so we shall see   ritzi


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi Ritzi,

my heart goes out to you, i remember this time very well before we got linked with boo. it really, really sucks. But just remember that you will be a parent and you will be a great one. 

xxruth


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Ritzi

I'm so sorry hun, is your SW able to get some feedback?  I know it doesn't help, but 5 months isn't really that long to wait, though I know every day that passes seems like an eternity.  You will find your child(ren) and then all this will be a dim memory.  Please stay positive, take a break from enquirying but don't give up, you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Love & hugs
OT x


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Hi Ritzi,

So sorry you are having such a frustrating time. It must be very hard to keep your chin up sometimes. Wouldn't it be lovely if we could just fast-forward in time!

lots of hugs
Ermey
xxx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Ritzi,

So sorry these matches weren't to be. Your child(ren) are out there though so hang on in there sweetie   

CG xxx


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## Tibbelt (May 16, 2005)

Ritzi,
Just wanted to send you a big   and to say hang on in there honey, your little ones are out there - never lose hope, it will happen,  someone gave me this quote (not sure it's right word for word but you'll get the gist!) when I was finding all the waiting tough going.

'Never think that God's delays are God's denials. Hold on; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius." 

Hang on in there honey, you will be a mummy and your little ones are getting closer to you with each day that passes  

lots of love 
Sarah
xxx


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