# Annoyed with myself



## Daffodil2013 (Apr 9, 2012)

I stupidly couldn't wait any longer and did a at 12 days past 5dt yesterday, it was negative. I am going to have the blood test later today and I guess the results tomorrow will only confirm a negative.

I didn't think I would be so upset but I am. I am ashamed to say I am angry, this whole process has brought up all my feelings to do with having premature ovarian failure at a ridiculous young age (although I know there are women who've been told at 12 years old, my heart always goes out to them).

I felt that all being equal in the laws of the universe (or whatever ) that I deserved this to work. Is that wrong?

I was pretty angry before at the lack of help, mismanagement, treatment and bedside manner of some docs I've encountered dealing with pof from a young age. 

More angry that the NHS have bugger all to offer me. Angry I feel I have to go abroad to maximise chances. Angry I have already grieved my biological children at 22 years old and now this. 

I am one angry sorry for myself mess.


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## MovingSiren (Mar 17, 2013)

to you Daff. I totally understand how you feel.  Rant and rage all you want, that's what we are here for. Hoping the blood test gives you a diiferent outcome and if not, I'll always have you in my thoughts and prayers for a successful outcome for you next time.

There is definitely nothing to be ashamed of with regards to how you feel. The last rant I had was at my gp for being as useful as a wet blanket and making me do research that she should know being a medical professional. You do deserve a bfp and fx, you will get it soon.

Do take care of yourself x


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## Daffodil2013 (Apr 9, 2012)

Thank you so much for your comforting reply MovingSiren, made me feel quite tearful and touched by your words. There are some very kind and amazing women on this board. 

We get blood result today. Interestingly, the nurse yesterday said all is not necessarily lost, as I didn't use concentrated urine.  However, I don't want to raise my hopes, am sure she was just being nice and the clinic will phone with a negative. 

Ho hum, at least I've raged, been upset and started to get used to the idea. 

It's a hard process and sorry to hear you've had probs with your GP. Good luck for 1st June, sending you lots of stickiness! 
: )
XX


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## Daisy-Chain (Aug 12, 2012)

Daffodil -   I'm glad you have come here and ranted like that, even if it helped a slight bit then it was totally worth it.

I hope the nurse is right, I hope you come back all smiles  

It's a horrible horrible process and I know someone who has also been through it and said 'oh I didn't find it too bad to be honest'!  Hmmmmm.  Maybe that's because you were granted a cycle on the NHS, it worked, you had a trouble free pregnancy and now have a baby in your arms!  Try having four BFNs, nothing to freeze, just constant fails and having to start all over again, then tell me it's a walk in the park  

Don't be ashamed for how you feel, you are human with feelings and its natural  

Good Luck!

Daisy x


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## Daffodil2013 (Apr 9, 2012)

'Didnt find it too bad..' how bizarre!?! 

We phoned clinic, they confirmed it's a bfn. At least I was ready for it after Monday and we have an amazing 4 embies frozen from donor round. So am very lucky really.

My clinic in Spain has talked about linking up with a clinc nearer to us and they say it might be possible to do it in England (they will fly the pre-embryos over)! That would be an interesting way to do it as found the travel stressful. 
So may consider that next.

On the plus side now I know for sure I can crack the bottle of wine open!

Thanks again for lovely support. Sometimes, all you need is a good rant to get it out of your system.

So anyone else out there, if you need a rage and rant about any of ths horribleness, I will definitely be here with my ears wide open and a big hug. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Daisy-Chain (Aug 12, 2012)

so sorry it's a BFN Daffodil  

I always love to indulge in a bottle of wine and whatever food I have been avoiding after a failed cycle, makes me feel a little bit better for them few hours it lasts!

Fingers crossed that they can sort everything out at another clinic so that you don't have the travelling, that sounds like it would be a much better plan for you and who knows, without the stress of travelling, things may be a little bit different


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## Mogster (Nov 1, 2012)

Hi,
The BEST thing about this site *Daffodil2013* is you can shout as loud as you like and sound off and people will reach out and offer you support. I've had so many fantastic people on here help me get back on my feet. We have just decided to cycle again and I don't think I would have if it had not been for this site.

So enjoy your wine and look after yrself 

*Daisy-Chain* I'm with you. ' didn't find it bad'    She clearly hasn't experienced the real journey of IVF and should realise how lucky she is!

Take care ladies


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## Born to be mama (Jun 3, 2013)

Hi my heart goes out to you I had a negative result as well I only had one et on d ivf  I really thought I was pregnant had all the symptoms and was convinced feel soooo stupid so depleted just don't feel like myself and I'm glad u had a good rant and let it all out as its d most cruelest thing to go through the disappointment is overwhelming and I think at stages the clinic staff can be quite insensitive makes u really feel like just another chart number and 'miss didnt find it bad ' here mrs    even the most easy going laid back  happiest person (which I usually am )is affected then again maybe they have no financial worries bout the cost of ivf anywaaaaayz ...... Tommorrow  is another day and all that best of luck to you all ladies x


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