# At the Gym....very funny!!



## Loubie101 (Aug 20, 2005)

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. 


Dear Diary, 

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear)  
purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. 

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school  cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. 

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal  trainer named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. 

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. 
  


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MONDAY: 

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found  it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing  eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! 

Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!! 


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TUESDAY: 

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. 

Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I  made the full mile. Brad's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me. 


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WEDNESDAY: 

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. 

Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the  stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other **** too. 


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THURSDAY : 

Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. 

Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny ***** to find me. 

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank. 
  


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FRIDAY : 

I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid,  little #@*. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. 

Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. 

Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? 


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SATURDAY : 

Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. 


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SUNDAY : 
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little ****) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds


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## *Scooby* (Sep 16, 2006)




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## cleg (Jun 27, 2006)

very good   

xxx


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## tatty (Jul 11, 2007)

love it!!


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

Love it.....especially the last line....classic !!


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## bethan jane (Jan 2, 2007)

why do we bother putting ourselves through it?    I say eat chocolate and drink wine for life is too short.  As long as we're all healthy...


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## Dahlia (Oct 29, 2007)

Absolutely hilarious     

Dahlia x


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## ♥ cat ♥ (Apr 13, 2003)




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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Any objections to moving this thread to G&B ?


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## Bloomelle (Dec 10, 2007)

Brilliant


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## Loubie101 (Aug 20, 2005)

Dizzi Squirrel said:


> Any objections to moving this thread to G&B ?


Not at all!!


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## *Scooby* (Sep 16, 2006)

No go for it Dizzi


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