# 42 and finding this a struggle _ any guidance big or small?



## Emmsie42 (Jun 30, 2018)

I've never been on a forum before. I hope this is right. 

Before you read my post I know there is a lot of you which has or is going through a tough journey yourselves and more extreme than me at the moment but who better to get advise but from you. 

I'm 42 and always desperately wanted children. I finally found the right man I could trust and wanted have a family with.

We have been trying for 3 years, tried ovaulating calculator, predicare, Weight loss. Etc 

Over a year and half ago I see the doctor with my concerns as both me and my partner are without children. It took 18 months of blood tests, them losing tests or forgetting to add them to the list and waiting full months to get my results each time only to be told more tests required. They finally sent me to the consultant who on Thursday which was my first visit, said straight away my partners tests are all good. I have ovarian failure where I'm not producing eggs and need a hycosy and check if I have any in reserve. I felt numb, broken as this was such a blow I was not expecting or prepared on the initial visit. I thought we were going to discuss investigations. 

Not sure how he knew from my tests that I have ovarian failure with only blood tests to go on. He finally said I will need ivf or ivf with a egg doner depending on my eggs in reserve. He told me my only option is private or going to Spain as the NHS will not help due to my age now. 

My close family and friends are trying to be supportive and but if I here if ivf fails there's adoption one more time...... 

I feel cheated, broken and numb all the time. Specially now my sister has just found out she is pregnant with her first. Which I am so happy about the news for her but also feel I have been kicked in the stomach. 

As I can only afford one ivf treatment is there any tests or advice you would be so kind to offer me. Are there more tests I can ask on the NHS to reduce costs. 

Any guidance you can give me will be appreciated. 

Thank you for reading my post and your time 
Ems


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## Abacanto21 (May 13, 2018)

Hi Emmsie I can fully relate to your post. We had been trying for a while, then at the age of 43 decided to seek advice from an NHS fertility specialist who basically said we had no hope and to consider donor eggs. This took a lot of soul searching but my husband and I eventually agreed to go down this  route. We found a fantastic clinic in Poland and a fabulous consultant who wants the best for his patients we are now in the 2week wait period, blood test is next Friday! Don't ever give up hoping, there are always options out there! Let me know if you need any other help, not saying I'm an expert, but know it can be such a lonely road! 
All the very best x


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## AngelJ (Jan 19, 2016)

Hi,

Clinics abroad (Czech, Poland, spain etc) are significantly cheaper than UK so if money is an issue you may find it goes further there and stretches to more than one round.....im also 42 and at this age chances are low each round, so I have found it helpful to be positive but pragmatic. its an emotional and physical journey and challenging on your relationship at times too.....everyones experiences are different and I have found this site to be a gold mine of information.....I found it really helpful to really understand what is going on at each stage.  we were told by nhs that husbands sperm was fine.....after learning a lot and rexamining his results after our first failed ivf I could understand his were actually in the severely infertile category.....due to poor morphology.  because I had had a couple of miscarriages it was thought we could get pregnant …….whereas once we knew more we knew we needed specialist help. and went from ICSI to PICSI which resulted in success for us......but everything is a gamble. some things work for some and not others.....and so protecting yourself and looking after yourself emotionally is a large part of this.....we are hoping for number 2 but I am aware the odds are low....so trying to keep my head and keep calm and be prepared for whatever outcome.

hope this helps. im no expert and lots of people on here know a lot more x


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

I totally understand how you're feeling and you need to know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I found that although I had to fund myself as I didn't qualify for NHS IVF due to my being single and my age, my GP was sympathetic and arranged for me to have the required blood tests on the NHS which was helpful. Check out all clinics and don't just go for a clinic which seems cheapest. Although going abroad can be cheaper, you have to factor in the exchange rate, cost of flights and hotels (which vary depending on when you go and how soon you can book). Also some countries such as Spain are no cheaper than the UK I believe. Sometimes there is also a misconception that the waiting lists are very long for DE in UK but this is not always the case. I waited about 6 weeks for a match for my donors. I think it depends on how prescriptive you are. The other thing to bear in mind is that in the UK you are able to have donor release information when the child is 18 (which may be a good or bad thing depending on your feelings) whereas in Europe, the information is totally anonymous.
I went to two clinics - the first one I got 2 BFNs - from same donor, LWC Darlington. I then changed to CARE Sheffield and had a fabulous experience - I got BFPs twice - my son is now 4 and my daughter 2 in October. She is from a FET. I am planning a further cycle with my frozen embryos from that cycle. This time, due to my age, I had to have medical screening and I have been able to have all the tests done on NHS thanks to sympathetic GP and also Obstretic consultant - although obviously I have to pay for FET, this has cut costs.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I know it can be devastating for some women to have to go to DE, but I went straight to this as I was paying and wanted the best chance of a healthy baby, and couldn't afford to keep trying with failed OE cycles.


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## KHappy (Jul 10, 2018)

Hi there, like you it has taken me ages to find the right man, and when I did he didn't want children...I've written this on another post.
I am single and only have enough money for one shot at IVF, I will need donor eggs and sperm to I suppose. I am new to all this too and never written on a forum before so I know how you feel. I am waiting for the NHS to do some fertility tests..I wish they would hurry up so I can get on with deciding. But I think I need to save this money somehow. I am quite scared of the whole process and it not working and the sadness that will cause, then having lost all my saving. Scared of going abroad alone. I know I have no advise for you but thought I'd share my feelings and say you should go for it, you only get one life!

What is the clinic in Poland called?

Thanks


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

I am sorry you are going through this. I agree with AngelJ, undergoing IVF abroad is much affordable, IVF clinics in Spain achieve excellent success rates, and IVF clinics in Poland and Czech rep offer treatment from EUR2,500. If you consider treatment abroad, you might want to read more on http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=261.0 xx


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## SophieMatilda (May 3, 2013)

Hi Emmsie, I am so sorry to hear you are going through all of this. I just wanted you to know that it is just a stage in a journey, and there will be hope and light further along the way. You just have to get through this bad bit now.

When I was 42 my brother and his wife had twins, and my sister had a single. Honestly it broke me. I knew time was running out FAST. I had little money and very old eggs. I realised unless I changed and rethought the things I thought (!) that nothing (nothing) would change. It was a very hard time and I did a lot of soul searching and questioning within myself. To cut a very long story short, I ended up going abroad... initially had donor embryos at Gennet (which did not take). However, I was sufficiently impressed by Gennet to accept fresh donor eggs and donor sperm on my next attempt (this was my final attempt, due to age and lack of money). This worked! Twins born in 2014 just before I turned 45! Of course that isn't the end of the story, just the beginning of the next chapter. But what I want you to know is that there are answers out there, just might not be the initial answers that you thought you were looking for.  I know that probably five years before I had my donor eggs/sperm, I would not have considered this in a million years! Or have thought about going abroad to Czech Republic! And yet I did and here I am today with twin 4 year olds, who are not related to me in any way, and yet are still very much MINE. Sending you big hugs. I do understand.  Thinking of you.


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## braxma14 (May 25, 2011)

I would stop with all the tests and investigations and see, if you can have a double donor DD ivf, better if it were donated embryos with PGD already.I would highly recommend PGD even with donated embryos. Without PGD/PGS you have less chances. Russian clinic where I was has their own accommodations, and you get test results in a matter of 24-48 hours, not 18 months. they have donor embryos, and donor eggs. It used to be that their donor sperm bank was not that good compared to donor eggs, so I chose to find an outside party, but I would still recommend double donor, since you have little money and one shot at it. I have done mine at altravita clinic.


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