# Opinions/Advice



## Specky77 (Aug 5, 2004)

Just wondering if anyone has an opinion on this, as you can see from my signature we’ve had a fair few failed attempts of ICSI, DH has a blockage so we’ve had to have pesa in the past but since he had testicular cancer this is now not an option.  Our hospital is not sure why I’m not getting pg and is saying that we should now consider DS but this is something my husband isn’t comfortable with although he is fairly happy to consider using a whole donor embryo so its neither mine nor his.  I don’t have a problem with this as I think if you’re that desperate for a baby you will do anything and if this is what it takes for us to move forward then I’m all for it.  If I explain this to a hospital do you think it will come across that my husband isn’t really as interested in all this, as I suppose it could be looked at as selfish, that he’s depriving me of having a baby with my own eggs.  I’m at the moment researching on donor embryos in Barcelona as I’ve heard there isn’t a waiting list but they have said we need to go there and they will decide what’s the best step forward for us, I was hoping that I could go over there and say, look after 6 failed attempts we now want to opt for the donor embryo rather than going to another clinic who thinks they may be able to help us with our own sperm and eggs.
Any opinions/advice would really be appreciated.
Paula
xx


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## odette (Nov 3, 2006)

Paula

It must be a very hard time for you both. I personally think that conselling would help you at this point to discuss your feelings.

I think the choice also rests on you and your husband, not just your husband otherwise you may feel pessurised and later bitter if you then had wished to have your own eggs.

I feel that your husband is suffering from his loss infertility and illness to the point that if he can't have his own biological child then you shouldn't have your own biological child and I feel that he needs to realise that.

1. It is a bit selfish to think of just his needs as your needs are important too

2. Isn't it better for your husband to look at your babies and share the joy that they are infact biological to one parent and
would look like one of you

3.  If given the choice your future child would want one of you as parents rather than none.


I'm not against whole donor embryo but you have to really sit down and ask yourselves if that is what you really both want and talk to your husband about why he feels he can't have a family with you as the biological mother.

I am having donor eggs and my husband really is shattered that I can't share my DNA, looks etc with him.


I hope I have not come across as being too stern but it is an important issue which can't be rushed into.

Have you thought of contacting the Donor Conception Network?  They  might be able to help you in this issue.

Please also find out if you can get a conselling session at your clinic.  It really is helpful.

all the best

odettexx


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