# Anyone used DE/Sperm for a sibling for a bio child??



## Sammeee (Feb 21, 2009)

I was wondering if anyone out there has had a child with DH naturally or ivf only to be told when trying to concieve a sibling they need/ would be better off with DE??..
If so how did you deal witht his? and did you go ahead and what was the outcome??.. 

Thankyou Sammeee XX


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## Slumslut (Jan 21, 2010)

Yes I guess that's me then!

My DH and I have a son together who is currently 8 years old.  He has Additional needs (Autism).
Then we needed help after years of trying for another, so had Assisted IUI and conceived on 2nd attempt.  Sadly that baby boy was born still.  We then took a year off to grieve.
Have since had 3 more assisted IUI's, takign a little longer to produce follicle each time and more drugs... but last one got cancelled as not responding despite all the extra drugs.  AMH blood test (I may have got those inits wrong!) showed I had no chance really of making any more eggs.  Had POF and started prem menopause.
Have since had one Egg Donation IVF which failed.  Am now back on the waiting list to be matched with another ED.

When going through DE IVF cycle I was freaking out beforehand that I may not love any resulting baby as much.  It also brought back a lot of my feelings of grief and anger that my other baby died.  If he had lived we would not have gone for a 3rd and I would not care about menopause or had to have any more fertility treatments etc. and just had two full siblings, both mine.  Also of course all the while the age gap is widening between my son and any future sibling, which I am unhappy about.
Anyway, as soon as the donor had her egg collection and I got the phone-call, I immediately started thinking of them as MY eggs. And once I had the fertilised eggs put in last month I just loved them.  I can't really explain it any better than that, but I just wanted them really badly and suddenly knew my fears were groundless and it would be fine.

Hope that is helpful to you.
My 8 year old son happens to be a clone of my DH anyway, so I guess I am also hopeful that any other future baby would perhaps take after him too - meaning that the sibling would look the same anyway.  But if not people would presumably just think that the other one looked like me


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## Mersie (Aug 7, 2008)

Hi Sammee - I had a baby girl using Donor Egg (Instituto Marques in Barcelona) last October.  I have two naturally conceived bio children age 7 and 5 and then had two miscarriages and a failed OEIVF in the lead up to trying DE last year.  The only fertility issues we were facing were my fried eggs and it worked first time.  
I, like Slum****, had worries initially that I would not feel the same about a baby from DE and those doubts continued during the pregnancy also to a lesser extent.  She is 3 months old now and DH reckons I love her more than our first two!!  I was afraid she would look unfamiliar to me and that I would not "recognise" her as mine.  I am happy to say that she is a great joy to me.  I look at her as a little soul (not in a religious way!) who was trying to get here (2 MCs) and finally managed with the help of DE.  I feel she is definitely the baby we were meant to have and love her the same as I love the first two LOs.
Please feel free to ask any questions you might have and best of luck in making your decision.


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## Sammeee (Feb 21, 2009)

Slum**** and Mersie..... 

Thankyou both so much for your lovely replies..... its really wonderful to know that im not the onlyone that has had to face this scenario. I truly (niavely) thought we were a sure success case with ivf as we have a bio child together but after 3 failed attempts i realise that its unlikey to change... 
This final attempt with my OE has deffinately failed..  ....

Im going to take a little time for the pain to heal (for my hubby also) and then broache the subject of whats next for us. One good thing, if we do decide the DE route, then i would go abraod.... im often told i look mediterean and my hubbys dad certainly does.. although our LO has got light brown hair and blue eyes... 

Anyway, again thankyou so very much for sharing your lovely stories with me and at least giving me the chance to read it from someones prosepective, in a similar position to myself...   

Luv Sammeee X


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## Slumslut (Jan 21, 2010)

Good luck Sammee

My clinic's waiting list is under 6 months so that is why I would not need to go abroad.  also they give me a lot of info about the Egg Donor - more I think than you receive from some other countries.  Worth considering, if background details are important to you (or would be to any resulting child of yours).
Perhaps going abroad is cheaper though?  I am waiting for someone else who wishes to egg-share, like my last donor, so that means I pay for both our cycles and also only get half the eggs.  Pros and cons I guess - swings and roundabouts whatever you decide!

SS xxxx


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