# How old!!



## Anne Turner (Sep 20, 2008)

HI
Im  Anne and Im 42 years old and about to start 1st cycle of IVF tomorrow (mon!) My husband is 39 we have been ttc for nearly 3 years we are self funding and I have been a bit shocked by how quickly things are moving , The trouble is I feel that now its happening I might be to old !!!!!!!!!!!!! I will be 43 if treatment is successful and am worrying about not being able to keep up with, run around after or have the energy to support teenager when im 60 something. I think I just need you 40 somethings to tell me its all going to be ok   Ps I think this site is more confusing than the treatment but am trying really hard to keep up with it !!


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## finlay foxy (May 31, 2006)

hi Anne,

I also have that thought.  Will i be around to see my son marry, have children and just be there for him throughout his life.  I am about to start trying for number 2 in a weeks time. The one positive of having children late and going down TX route is when you get them, my goodness you appreciate every second with them.  I truly feel blessed having my son. When he cry's in the night i feel blessed he wants me!  Please don't worry about the older parent thing. we are bringing love and wisdom to our children and even better, giving them the knowledge they are truly wanted.  My thoughts are with you.

Angela xx


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## Blade Runner (Aug 6, 2008)

Oi you two, stop it!!    

My mum and dad were 41 when they had me, DH's parents were 39/40. This is one of the reasons why we left it so long as we're both used to more mature parents and coz they were so fab we didnt feel it necessary to sacrifice our 20's to pushing prams around when we were barely out of school ourselves!!  

My mum always said that I kept her young. She used to play swingball with me when I was growing up and she was in her late 40's, early 50's. And she was not a well woman, suffering many illnesses and back problems (not due to swingball I hasten to add!!). Both she and my dad lived until they were 79 years of age, both saw me grow into an independent, strong woman that they were proud of. They were there at my graduation and at my wedding and were happy that DH and I were living a life of career success and travel opportunities that they never had. I finally lost them both last year when I was 39. I feel blessed that I had such great parents who gave me the best they could and tutored me in a way that I feel younger parents would never have been able to. They both lived through the second world war, rationing, the introduction of TV, the space race, the cold war etc etc and had a more rounded view on life than most people have these days. I never felt left out or odd that every one elses mums/dads were young and my parents were always more respected by my friends than anyone elses as their attitude to us kids was so much more mature (and probably more authoritarian!!). This was the case for DH's parents too. He finally lost his dad when he was 34 and his mum when he was 38, so they saw him grow into a son that they were truly proud of and died happy.

If DH and I managed to have children, I will be proud to be a mature (not an old) parent. We have more to offer our kids than alot of 20/30 somethings including a stable financial platform to raise them on, 20 years of independent life experience and parents who have found out who they are as people rather than some who go from being kids to parents with no gap for 'me time' in between. My physical health is much better than my mums and I plan to be around until at least 79, and hopefully another 10 years or so after that!! Health care is much better these days, as are our diets. Besides which, youth is no guarantee of seeing your kids grow up - people get ill/die at any time of life - my sister never lived to see her kids grow up and she started her family when she was 26.

You need to realise that your age is mostly dictated by your mind. I'm only just getting over the fact that I'm not a teenager anymore!!!!    In fact if we hadnt discovered that we had fertility problems, we still would have been messing about as we're way too young to have huge responsibilities like kids!!!   

Focus on being a fabulous yummy mummy! I plan to take my kids to school on the back of my motorbike when they're old enough - that'll knock their mates' socks off! My mate is 70 and he still rides his 1000cc motorbike. I plan to teach our little'uns to ski, being an ex-ski instructor and still skiing every year at this 'ripe old age' of 40! Another friend of mine also goes every year, he's 64. It's also one of the fastest growing sports for retirees and I have taught many a grey haired lady and gent how to strap on a pair of skis and get down the slope in style (and in one piece!). In fact, I feel quite sorry for any kids of ours as they're going to have their work cut our for them keeping up with us!! We're roller coaster, scuba diving, adventure travel, adrenaline junkies and the kids are in for one hell of a ride!!!!   

At least they'll sleep well at night.....  

Am I getting through yet.....??


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## Essex Girl (Apr 3, 2005)

Wow, Blade Runner - you're so full of life and vigour, and your parents and inlaws sound great.  Just the sort of inspiration us mature parents and would-be parents need!

We obviously thought hard about becoming parents at our age, but I think that as long as you have some thought to future arrangements, that's all you can do.  The parental relationship is different with a 40-50 year age gap than it would be with 20-somethings, but there is more to parenting than playing football in the park, and your child will take on the interests and attitudes of his/her parents, whatever their age.  If it's any help, my DH, who is now 51, was unsure before we had our DD but says now that it has given a real purpose to the rest of his life and he wouldn't have missed the parent experience for the world.  Go for it!

Good luck with your TX
Essex Girl x


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Hi Anne

I think there are many advantages to being older - we have different resources, it's not all about physical youth and stamina - there's alot to be said for being more mature as a parent  I would say more about my own experience but I've got to run, but this may say it for me 

Have a look at this thread

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=153100.0

Claire x


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## madison (May 6, 2005)

I am 40,

          I have a daughter who is 24 tomorrow so I was very very young when I had her.
          I have Miles who was thru ICSI & is 22 months & I am going to try again in Jan.

          As far as being too old to have a baby at 40+ & not feeling that you will have as
          much energy etc as if you had given birth when you were younger.. I can say for 
          sure & from experience... I have as much energy now to play with Miles as I did 
          with Lucy at the ripe old age of 16... Miles still wakes up in the night more often than
          not ( prob about 5 nights out of 7 ) & I am just as able to cope with the lack of sleep
          now as I was 24 years ago.

          I was an excellent mother at 16 even tho I didnt have her Daddy to help me,
          I have an amazing daughter to prove that & I wouldnt change a thing if I could go
          back 25 years... & I hope that James and I are going to do as good a job with Miles
          as I did with Lucy.

          It makes NO difference how old you are. 

          Loads of luck

                  Katy. xxxxxx


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Anne

I had a BFP from IVF when I was three months past my 42nd birthday and now have a beautiful wee girl of 21 months.    I honestly don't think I am less able to cope than a younger mum and I also think that my age has made me more laidback/relaxed in looking after her.  As Angela says, having waited for so long for her, I appreciate every minute.  We have great fun going to lots of baby activities and doing things together at home, and I just can't believe how good our life is with her in it.  Sure I get tired sometimes but I promise you that people much younger get tired running after their little ones too!

The only thing we have done which might be different from younger parents is to make sure that we have plenty life insurance etc to make sure that if something did happen, she will be well provided for until she is at least 21.  

I do wonder sometimes whether I'll be able to run after a rebellious teenager when I am 60, but I am sure a zimmer frame with wheels on will do the trick.     

Seriously, I don't think it's age that is the important fact - it's attitude that counts.

Good luck with your tx.

Ellie


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## Anne Turner (Sep 20, 2008)

Hi thanks for all your positive thoughts  I knew all that stuff really just think I was havin a bit of a wobble!! Im  sure with all these extra hormones rushing through me there will be more wobbles to come !! Good  to make contact thanks again Anne


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## lucymorgan (Nov 2, 2007)

Anne,

I can understand how you feel as my DS has started school and I am not the oldest mum but am certainly in the older age range.  But some of the older ones must be mid to late 40s I think (unless they look older than they are !!).  If I am lucky in 5 years time I will be definitely one of the oldest mums....

Not necessary a problem but I do think about it and do wonder about the implications.  But there are so many variables in life that we cant predict.  For me I want to get a move on and I personally wouldn't want to be having a child in my late 40s.  If I want to retire from work at 60 I would be doing so with a school age kid and I'm not sure how easy that would be.  

I agree with everyones postings about having loads of energy and stamina now.  But things do change and decline as you get older and I know I have lost my fertility through age and am lucky that I have the DE option available to me.  If I had realised that infertility was a real possibility so early on I would have started a family a few years before I did.  

LucyMxx


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## collymags (Jan 3, 2006)

Hi 
I was 3m short of being 44 when i had my dd who is now 19m.  i have to say i virtually smiled and laughed the whole way through the preg. just so happy despite a few problems (fixable ones).  the birth took its toll not through my lack of being positive just because of age of birth canal on its first stretching (according to midwife) still ye soon forget and the wee (or not so wee initially) bundle was so worth everything.  the first 16m of motherhood have been a pure joy. again like others i was chilled and just enjoyed each moment/event/development not wanting/wishing the next one on.  
2 things i find difficult (though possible more personality issue rather than age), its driving me nuts going to playgrounds they just really aren't my thing though i know its good for her so i go with a smiley face  but this phase won't last forever plus aim to get more garden stuff for her next year so hopefully won't need to go as often

always being the oldest mum on the block, i realise that having lo's can be a common link for friendships but........... i've spent twenty odd years as an independent adult making friends through different means.  i honestly don't have much in common with a 20 year old mums (and i have now doubt its mutual as has been made known) not meaning to sound ageist have some young friends but not close long history ones ifkwim.  i do crave the company of older mums more on my wavelength. i'm not interested in keeping up with the joneses, having designer gear, doing things because everyone else does it that way etc. in our baby group my dd was the only one never in shoes until walking was properly established, didn't have the all singing all dancing equipment, did not wean the traditional way.  doing things differently from the younger mums further isolated me (used to it now)

we make a concerted effort to make sure we stay active and playful with her, don't want her to feel hindered by us, we certainly don't by her, our life is so enriched and we are lucky in such a huge way its too difficult to try and put into words.


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## MaggietheViking (Feb 23, 2008)

Hi - Just wanted to add, my due date is 2 weeks before my 44th birthday (from a natural pg! shock!) - DH will be 52 the following month.  Just think for so many centuries people have been having children 16-25, but dying young, so the human race is built on trying to stay around long enough to get children to adulthood.  With life expectancy so much higher these days, the chances we will be around to support them growing up, getting married, having their own babies, unless they decide to go ff and do all sorts of other independent interesting things instead!!  It's all about the kind of parent you are, not the age.    

I hate to think how awful I would have been as parent if I'd had one before 30 - I was so screwy, had to parent myself before I could contemplate doing it for another wee one!

It's a celebration of our lives that here we are, taking these amazing opportunities!

Love Maggie xxx


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## Kazzie (Aug 6, 2005)

Hi
I have been wanting to post for some time but wanted to get to what felt like a 'safer' time. Still have a long way to go but am now 14 weeks and 4 days pregnant with my first bubba using my own eggs via ICSI and hope to be giving birth at the ripe old age of......48  . 

It's a mixture of joy and terror, tears and laughter - I pray I will make it to the end but know I am high risk. I am just taking each day as it comes and I wouldn't change a thing.

Just wanted to say that sometimes the 'right' time is whatever is right for you as a person - whatever society says. I know I have been very lucky and I think my maternal grandmother's genes have helped - she had my mum at 47.

I wish everyone the best of luck   and would ask you to keep your fingers crossed for me too!  

love
Kazzie xxx


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## Essex Girl (Apr 3, 2005)

Wow Kazzie, and many congrats on your pregnancy!  My fingers and toes are crossed and re-crossed for you.  Good luck
Essex Girl x


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## Kazzie (Aug 6, 2005)

Thanks Essex Girl!
Elizabeth is gorgeous!
Kazzie x


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## Oranges (May 12, 2008)

Hi Kazzie,

Its fabulous to hear about your pregnancy.  I'm that   age too and hoping for DE tx this month - its very encouraging to hear your good news.  I just wanted to say congratulations and wish you lots and lots of good luck.

love from Oranges xxx


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Kazzie that's wonderful news.  congratulations!

Claire x


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## potluck (Feb 12, 2008)

I take my hat of to you ladies   how wonderful you are  all so positive   & Maggie & Kazzie OMG WOW WOW WOW I am so happy to hear your news & for your determination to keep going   , &   you have uneventful pregnancies  & your little bundles arrive safely 

                                    Good Luck to you all Love Misty xx


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## Rhidic (Aug 10, 2008)

Another real oldster here--47 and will be 48 when I go for my first DE IVF in January.  My DH and I have spent much time thinking about whether we're really up for this.  No shortage of desire and commitment, and generally I feel pretty energetic.  Sometimes though, when I'm feeling really old and tired, I wonder how I'll weather having to be there 24/7 for my child (and what if there's two!). But I have a firm faith that things unfold with exactly the right timing in my life, so if I'm blessed with a child through this process, I will know it's the right thing.


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## foxyangelina (Mar 16, 2005)

Kazzie!! That's wonderful news, congratulations and fingers tightly, tightly crossed for you. So good that the lister are willing to give us oldies a fair chance - may I ask who your consultant was? I may be having treatment there soon. Also did you do anything special during treatment, such as acupuncture, special diet, TCM or Dhea? So, so excited for you!!! All the very best.
Ang x


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## Bells (Sep 8, 2005)

Kazzie, 
Many congratulations.  You've just given another oldie a renewed sense of hope.  I'm 46 will be 47 in January and after four failed cycles I'm about to start again at the Lister next month using my own eggs.

I have everything crossed for you and best of luck.

Bells


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Congratulations  

and Good Luck to all you ladies that are about to start tx , hoping there will be lots of celebrating going on very soon 

Love Jo
x x x


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## roze (Mar 20, 2004)

Hi,

I hope I can join in on this thread? 

I am now 47 and my little girl is 17 months old. I sailed through the pregnancy. I did not have diabetes, pre eclampsia, or any other age associated risk.  I had a harder time after the c section birth when I was undiagnosed anaemic which went untreated also post natal depression. I also had SPD which hindered my mobility for a while and which made it difficult to exercise. I gave myself a hard time after the birth, aiming for perfection, which was not possible. After a series of sweats, flushes I eventually discovered that I had gone into the menopause practically immediately after the birth, which was shocking, as up to downregging prior to tx in 2006 I was actually still ovulating and having very regular periods. My own mum went through it at 58 so I felt I was some way off. 

The things above however with the exception of the menopause were easily resolved with some physio and Pilates. I am now thankfully on HRT having endured sweats and flushes for many months. Every day I walk up hills to the childminder before going to work, speeding  past many other younger mothers taking their kids to school.  I feel exhausted but at no point has it been unbearable. I listen to other younger mothers who say that they collapse into a heap, exhausted, at the end of the day. At the moment I do not do that.
I am not superwoman, but I do eat well,(bananas, porridge, pasta- necessary!)  rest and sleep well, and try to keep fit. I also no longer waste time or energy on pointless tasks. I choose where to spend my energy. Shopping is now delivered in a van and we have a dishwasher and a cleaner. It all helps. 

Fitness and stamina can reduce with age however many people in their 40s and 50s still run marathons  so keeping yourself fit is part of the key to getting through the day and enjoying it. I am also convinced that having a child releases some hormone that keeps you going in order to attend to the needs of your child. Therefore please do not underestimate your ability to parent successfully. There are many younger parents out there who are also exhausted but whether they are more so than you , if you are healthy, is marginal. And don't forget that in many cultures, children are brought up by their grandparents whilst their parents work far away from home.

I also do evening classes with people in their late 50s and 60s and they seem to have bags of energy and great healthy lifestyles. Please therefore do not typecast these age groups as they too have moved on to greater things in life!


roze


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## Zeybani (Mar 11, 2008)

Kazzie
I could not resist to reply, what an inspiration. I just want to say thank you for the post you don't know how many people like myself will manage some sleep tonight. You have given us hope. Such an amazing story.


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## Kazzie (Aug 6, 2005)

Oh... thank you everyone - Jo, Bells, Zelly,Ang, Mistygirl, Claire and Oranges for your lovely replies!  so sorry for not replying sooner but hadn't visited for a while!

_may I ask who your consultant was? I may be having treatment there soon. Also did you do anything special during treatment, such as acupuncture, special diet, TCM or Dhea? So, so excited for you!!! All the very best.
Ang x_

Ang I saw the lovely Dr Faris who gave me all the facts and figures (zero chance)and was realistic in asking me if I really wanted to go down the iVF path with little chance of success at 47 - once he saw we were determined he said he would do everything in his power to help us - he was wonderful and so supportive. If you are going to the Lister I would definately recommend him. Initially I had accupuncture and chinese herbs 2 years ago and accupuncture again beforehand and during treatment up until ET and I think this helped - I noticed a change in CM!! I also took DHEA for 3 months beforehand and just tried to eat well (with the odd take away  ).. I was lucky in that I had a good AMH result for my age and I wonder if this along with genetics - my grandmother had my mum at 47 - may have played the biggest part in the success?? BUT....a friend and I discussed recently that maybe there are so few successes at this age group because fewer women at this age are actually having ivf with their own eggs - ie surely the more and more women in their late 40's that have IVF the more likely it is that the statistics will change as women of 47,48..will start to produce positive results as more are trying- sorry does this make sense  Part of this problem is that clinics will NOT entertain you (using your own eggs) once you go over 45 - well that's my experience....I am so grateful that Mr Abdulla at the Lister agreed to go ahead - we then had our appt with Mr Faris and can hardly believe I am 17 weeks and 2 days .

Roze how good to hear of your trouble free pregnancy - inspiring! Good luck to those trying - Rhidic x

lots of love
Kazzie xxxx


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