# Wedding gift IVF



## Hoppity

Hi all.

I truly hope this doesn't offend anyone, and if it does then I guess I have my answer...

How appropriate is it for us to openly set up a wedding gift registry to fund our first cycle of IVF? It is the only thing we could ever want or wish for, and paying for our wedding next year means our savings for IVF have been put on hold. We are not able to receive funding from our pct. Neither of us have any children.

It would mean being honest and open with people who do not know we are struggling with IF. 

Part of me thinks that it is no different to when people ask for donations for honeymoon, or for their conservatory. Yet the fact I'm questioning how appropriate it is leads me to believe it may be highly inappropriate. 

Of course, everyone will also know if it should be unsuccessful. Maybe this will be helpful/supportive on one hand.

Maybe some people will be shocked. Or find it offensive. Maybe our loved ones will want to donate given opportunity.

Please share your views...!


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## coweyes

I think your always get a few who don't agree, some people just dont agree with fertility treatment! But why don't you give people an option, money towards ivf or a gift? This srops people feeling as if they have no choice.


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## Maisyz

I think it's a lovely idea, if any of my friends did that I'd be so proud of them and when it succeeded would be so happy. After all what more beautiful a gift could you ever give than a little life?, certainly way better than a toaster. 

The only thing I would say is be very sure you want to be that open about treatment. In my case my MIL let slip about me having treatment and I had some very, very nasty comments. Whilst I think these people are deeply tragic and sick individuals it was deeply hurtful. 

You know the people concerned best and hopefully you are lucky and surrounded by lovely people who will be 100% supportive as I said I think it would be a lovely thing, just think carefully who you tell, perhaps close family and best friends only?. Good luck with the wedding and the treatment.


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## staceysm

Hi,

I wouldn't take offence at all.  I prefer giving people money for birthdays, weddings, Xmas, because they can then buy something that they want.

Personally I wouldn't go in to what the money is for though, as some people don't agree with fertility treatment.  My cousin who has just got married and already has a baby and a house, just sent a lovely poem in with the invitation that in a roundabout way asked for money instead of gifts.

I wish you all the best.

Stacey
X


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## Hoppity

Thankyou ladies, very thoughtful and helpful...

We were saying just last night how we would also have option of donating to a charity instead if there were some who didn't agree.

I guess if we weren't open about what the money is for, very close family and friends know anyway (actually my parents and our siblings know but not his parents yet)

Just concerned that if we didn't specify, people may think we are being greedy or just want to spend it on superficial things. 

Maybe we could write a similar poem that discreetly hints at its' intention...I like that idea  

We are actually having a very small ceremony-I think this will help as then nobody can say we threw money away on a big wedding. Weddings always bring out the nasty comments don't you think, it's supposed to be a time where people gather to support a new family coming together yet you never please everyone and people can be so cruel about the tiniest of details!


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## Helena123

I think it is a wonderful idea and can imagine that your wedding guests would really get into the spirit of helping you.  I say be honest about what it's going to be used for anybody who wants to be funny about it can always donate to charity like someone else on here suggested.  I don't think I know anyone in my circle who has strong opinions against fertility treatments - find it hard to believe people can be that mean. 

So many people asks for silly material things that are here today, gone tomorrow so for it actually to be going to something worthwhile makes it special. Seen as though your wedding is not an over the top extravaganza it will also stand you in good stead.

It's also a good way of letting people know that you are struggling a little in what most people take for granted, but that it is your dream to have a child.  It will also have the added bonus that people will be more sympathetic and hassle you less with the inevitable questioning of 'are you trying for a baby yet?'


Helena


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## Lilly83

What a lovely idea!

I think people will be so pleased to be able to contribute to something like that, but if you are worried I think you should have another option like someone else said of 'If not vouchers for such and such' 

It would be pretty ****ty of people to choose that as an option though

Congrats on your upcoming wedding, we get married in 2 weeks and are also having a very very small wedding

Lilly x


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## ♥JJ1♥

My friend got a cycle as a wedding present from her parents.
I also went to a 40th where my friend didn't want lots of unwanted gifts but to a national charity for a condition his brother died of.
i think giving people a choice like M+S vouchers as either way the money will help towards your cycle


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## strawbs

We asked for money which was to fund ivf. We didn't say that, however I ended up being 7months preg on the day (naturally) after a failed cycle. Was a VERY emotional day!

Strawbs x


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