# I think i need help but don't know where to turn.



## debbie123456

Hi, can anyone help me. I have been trying to conceive for nearly five years, had two failed ivf and i have been trying to come to terms with not ever having a child. 
I just constantly cry and feel sad all the time i'm awake. I feel like i need to talk to somebody or join a group of some sort as i feel so alone as everybody who tries to understand has children so they will never. I live in Loughton in Essex, does anybody know of any group or a recommended Councillor around this area? 
Thank you.


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## suze3004

Hi Debbie, I'm afraid I don't know of any local groups or counsellers but wanted to say that you are not alone. I am feeling exactly the same as you, every day is a struggle.  My husband  thinks  that we should just move on and enjoy life without children but I really don't see how I can at the moment. If you do find a good counseller please let me know as I am in Essex too and am thinking that this might be the route to go down

Take care xx


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## Molly99

Any more room in the boat?  

Im so sorry for how you're feeling and what you're going through.  There's barely a minute that I don't think about how frightening my future feels, sometimes I feel like I'm going mad.  We watched prometheus again last night and the bit where she says that she  can't create life broke me after a  not so bad day.  It feels like I'll never find peace, I even got upset when the alien was born.  I have entered a whole new realm of crazy  

My DH is beyond frustration with me, my final failed cycle was just under 2 months ago but he feels that there has to be a solution to help me get over this,  after all ive been trying for nearly 5 years (first ivf in December last year though).

My DH has children with an ex girlfriend and didn't really try during our cycles.  He can't understand why I am so sad and angry that this is now it for me and I will forever have to hear about his babies with another woman and never experience the same joy with him.

Sorry for the rant, we rowed this morning about me feeling upset and why I can't find a solution  

Does your work have a counselling service?  I had some sessions through mine and they were ok.  Perhaps I'm still not ready but I didn't find them useful beyond having someone to talk to.  I think that you really  need a specialist in fertility or bereavement.  My clinic was in London and although they didn't promote it they did have a counsellor that they recommended up there, it wasn't any use to me as I'm 5 hours away but perhaps your clinic can recommend someone? 

I've also read jody day's rocking the life unexpected, which was greatbut I still don't feel ready to accept that this is it so maybe it will be better along the way. 

I don't know,  I feel nothing but frustration from my dh, he was never really signed up to trying anyway but I don't feel that I can even mention feeling sad or afraid now.  Its nice (though sad) to just chat with you lovely ladies though.

Sending you both the biggest   xx


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## debbie123456

Hi Suzie and Molly, thanks for replying to my thread. 
Molly, I know what you mean about everything you watch. It just seems like every program, film even adverts are all about families. Everywhere you look there's a baby or a pregnant women. I feel like you just can't get away from it and it'll never go away. There are always going to be babies and children. 
I have my own hair and beauty salon and everyday, every client I see talks about their children. I just feel like I can't cope anymore. 
My husband also has children from a previous relationship which is also so hard. We always have to think about the kids but i'll never have to think about my own. 
I just don't know how to make this sadness go away. I've never felt so miserable in my life. 
Part of me can't see how a councillor will help but I feel like I should try something as I've come to a brick wall and I don't know how to climb over it. 
It does help to vent on here though, thanks girls.


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## Handstitchedmum

debbie123456 said:


> Hi, can anyone help me. I have been trying to conceive for nearly five years, had two failed ivf and i have been trying to come to terms with not ever having a child.
> I just constantly cry and feel sad all the time i'm awake. I feel like i need to talk to somebody or join a group of some sort as i feel so alone as everybody who tries to understand has children so they will never. I live in Loughton in Essex, does anybody know of any group or a recommended Councillor around this area?
> Thank you.


Hello Debbie  I'm sorry to hear about your infertility journey. It sounds like you are grieving; it's a measure of your resilience and strength that you are seeking support for this. FertilityFriends forum is full of supportive people who have had similar experiences.

I cannot recommend any groups, but if you speak with your GP, they should be able to refer you to counseling through the NHS. There may be a waiting period for this. Many employers also offer rapid-access short-term counseling for free through their occupational health services (and are often through self-referrals).

Alternatively, if you wanted to find a private (non-NHS) counselor, you can check the healthcare professional register or search on websites such as www.counselling-directory.org.uk. You can search specifically for 'grief' or 'infertility'. My husband and I saw a counselor together, as the infertility really stressed our relationship. I found couples counseling really helpful to get us both on the same level again.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites.


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## JulietP

Hi girls, I thought I'd add to your post as I'm at a loss as to who to talk to or what to do.  After our 3 failed ICSI's, one using an egg donor, our only option is embryo donation.  DH says absolutely not, he could not go through that as he couldn't get his head round the fact that the child would not belong to either of us.  I desperately want to have another go.  I find it so hard to accept that this is it - his decision has to be final.  Unless I go it alone and do this on my own.  My DH has 2 grown up sons so I don't have to watch him with small children, but I know he has two people who belong to him, who will continue his bloodline and who will look after him in his old age.  I feel scared for my future with no-one.

As for crying at baby aliens, that made me feel less mad!!  I will cry at anything that gives birth - even anything on Animal Planet!!

It is such a shame that the clinics we all attend don't have some kind of group get together.  I met a couple this weekend at a wedding and we just got talking IVF.  They'd been through 5 rounds, one with a failed pregnancy.  The relief I felt at having met real people going through the same agony as me was immense.  Being with people the same as you is better therapy than anything else.  Counsellors can do so much, but someone feeling the same pain is worth a million counsellors.

I am in Kent sadly, otherwise I'd meet up like a shot.  I hope you find someone to talk to - keep talking on here, it does help to feel a little less alone.

xxx


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## apparition

Girls have you tried More to Life - an organisation to support the childless and I have found them invaluable.  Groups,  website and telephone help. Part of the infertility UK group.


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## katehe

There is also 'gateway women' which have regular local 'meet-ups' once you have signed up.  The pain gets easier to live with over time, I promise xxx


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## JulietP

Hey Katehe....I was just wondering where the Kent group meets?  I'm in Kent and would really love some support.  I'm still going through it and I think the worst bit is feeling totally alone.
xxx


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## katehe

I'll PM you x


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