# SIL is pg



## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

I found out about 10 minutes ago. First month they tried.

Of course I expected it - naturally it would happen straight away in stark contrast to us, but it just hurts so, so much.

I feel like I don't know if I can ever see her again. Or stop crying


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## solitaire (Mar 26, 2007)

Hi emmag,

I'm so sorry   It is so so hard for you dealing with this, and I don't think the fact that you were expecting it makes it any less painful.

I still get a twinge when people tell me they're pg - and it is especially hard when it happens without them even really trying. I remember one (now ex-) friend telling me she understood how I felt because she hadn't got pg first month they tried!! She thought it would never happen. She, of course, became pg second month. We had been trying for about 10 years at that point  

It is going to be hard to see your SIL, but in my experience, the longer you leave it the harder it gets. And there is absolutely nothing wrong in letting her see how hurt you are. She hasn't done this to spite you, but the pain is just as real.

Take care of yourself and take strength from everyone here,



Solitaire
x


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Can't better what Solitaire has said to you Emma.

Just wanted you to know that we're here for you whilst you work through this.

Love & a gentle  

Emcee x


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## Megan10 (Jul 16, 2004)

Emma,
So sorry hun. I know you were dreading this day and the ease with which it happened just makes things more acute.
Take your time to work through the pain and only see her when you are ready. As Solitaire said there is no harm in telling her that however happy you are for them it is really painful for you.
Love and Hugs up the M1.
MeganXX


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

hi emma       

I can just imagine how raw and hurt and angry and confused you are feeling, sweetie. Sending you massive massive hugs.

There isn't anything we can say that will take the pain away for you, but please know that we all care very much, and are feeling this with you     

While I agree with Solitaire that there is no harm in your SIL seeing how painful it is, for your own sanity do give yourself permission to hide for  little bit, until you have got over this first initial raw shock. I have found it helps to lie low until I feel just that tiny weeny bit stronger. It can't be put off forever, I agree, but there's no harm in nursing your emotional strength a tiny bit first. Perhaps you could buy some time and send her a card saying you care about her very much and are pleased for her (if you feel ok saying that) but you are finding it incredibly painful, and need their understanding and patience.

I only say this because I went and saw my cousins baby when i was feeling incredibly vulnerable and not only did it make me feel even more terrible for weeks, I also upset him because I couldn't be myself because I was hurting so much. I wished aterwards that I had waited jut a little longer, even though everyone kept telling me I had to do it sometime. 

All I'm saying is look after yourslef hun, You're allowed to grieve.

Only you know which approach is best for you, and I have rambled on far too long when what you really need is a massive ...


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Hi there emma G. Am sorry to hear you are feeling so sad  Yes the same thing happened to me when we had already been ttc 2.5 yrs although in my case it was one of my best friends. I was so envious and it was actually the beginning of us losing touch.We have recently got back in touch ( a good few yrs later) as she has been thru a rough time with her children actually-one who is very ill.

Unfortunately you cant hide away from family members forever. Just do what you can and if they dont understand then so be it. You will deal with it in the way you know best.

I am going to visit my sil at the weekend - she is early 4os now and went thru treatment also. I am still dreading if she tells me anything but know they have had a long battle ttc also so I should be happy. Worse to come is my sisters so it will be me on this thread looking for support as well.I feel stronger than i did but am sure i will be upset when i finally hear my sisters are pg.

We are all here for you- take care and only do what you can. You are only human afterall. xxxx


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Everyone has said it all, just wanted to send you a big hug and some strength


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

(((((((((((((((((((Emma)))))))))))))))))) Like everyone else has said, we know what it is like and we understand. It is so rotten that it brings up these feelings - and so difficult to cope. In my experience it turns out better if I can be honest about my feelings and they are acknowledged. But I know that it is not always easy and depends on your existing relationship with your SIL and brother.
At the end of the day do not feel guilty about protecting yourself in this. You are human, you have feelings and they are very real and justified.
Bernie xxx


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## gbnut (Aug 4, 2006)

Emma     

I totally understand were you are coming from.  Life is really unfair at times.  Just wish i could take your pain away.

Thinking of you 

Susan x


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## Liliaicha (Feb 22, 2004)

Hi emmag

So sorry for the pain you are feeling at the moment - I went through exactly the same thing in June with my brother and sil, they too fell in the first month of trying, and it was agonising for me.

I don't know if you read my post about it at the time, but as my brother and I are so close we were determined that it would not ruin our relationship as I had always dreaded it would.  We decided that honesty was the best policy, and that is how we are dealing with it.

At the time I told him that there was no way I could see my sil, as it was too painful.  They both understood, and I said that I had no idea when or if I would ever be ready to see her.  We just played it by ear. I still saw my brother, but he would come round to my house and sil and baby were not mentioned once - I felt terrible, and would only ask him how she was, as he was going out the door.  I would then promptly burst into tears and cry for hours.

It took me about 4 months to pluck up the courage to go and see her, but one day I just did. All three of us cried. They are both such wonderful and sensitive people that we have been able to cope, and I'm even able to ask a few questions now about the baby.  All the running is made by me and the decisions are made by me about when, where, how long visits are.  This is the way it has to be, so that I can control the situation and my emotions.

Sending you a big hug, I know exactly how you are feeling....

L x


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## Guest (Nov 14, 2007)

Emma, I simply wanna   you. We are all here and very much understanding your pain.....which I could take some away!!! xx


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Emmag

The huge number of replies you've had should tell you that you are a valuable and valued friend, and for me, a real inspiration. The randomness of the universe doesn't appear to let up, even for one minute, but I have a belief that you can survive, in fact, do better than survive, this testing moment....

You know where we all are!

Lots of love to you, 

MM xxxxxxx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Thank you thank you thank you for so many lovely words, I do feel very supported and incredibly grateful to have you all here, that I know will understand the things I'm feeling. I'm still pretty confused about all the things I'm feeling, but it helps a lot to know you're here and going through the same stuff as me. xxx


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## Megan10 (Jul 16, 2004)

Hang in there hun. We are all here for you. I am holding my corner of the big net (although its a bit of a stretch to reach from Paris where I am just now) 
Love MeganXX


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Paris?! WOW! xx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Hey Emma - sort out your in-box!! I just went to send you a PM but your in-box is full!!
Bernie xx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Oops, sorry! Sorted!!


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Hi Emma

Been thinking of you. hope you feel a tiny bit better today. hope you and DH can spoil each other over the weekend

Take care
xxxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Emma

Huge   to you.

Have a gentle weekend hon.

Love
Emcee xxx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Thank you so much, I am feeling a lot better, mainly through the power of denial! DH is really stressed about the whole thing though, it's even made him sick and he came home from work ill.   

By good fortune we're away for the weekend this weekend because I'm working Sat and Sun nights, and I think a weekend away is exactly what we need. We're taking care of each other as best we can. 

Love to you all xxx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hello Emma,

Sorry i am  a bit late here, been away for a while. I know how hard this news hits. My SiL is about to have her baby and my family seem to expect me to have an unequivocal shared joy! Well pants to that, you and I still have our own feelings to deal with. I have a sense that if we try and surpress one emotion it may have a knock on effect and we would end up finding we are out of touch with all sorts of emotions. Better to deal with and talk through difficult emotions than to try and surpress them. As MM says, we are here for you to help you through this.
Love jq xxx


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