# A few questions??



## GPRW87 (Mar 20, 2013)

Hi 

I'm just starting on my journey to becoming a single mummy & have a Few questions for those who used a 
sperm bank if you all don't mind!

How did you deal with no knowing what the donor looked like? I'm worried if my child wants to meet the donor at 18 and they aren't what they expect and feel bad of me  etc  did anybody else think like this?

After a failed long term relationship I have decided no to wait for Mr right anymore & achieve my life goal/dreams I'm worried about my parents Reaction to my choice I was planning just to tell them when I was pregnant but part of me feels this Would only lead to lots of questions etc

This is all stopping me from going ahead to begin treatment

Thanks for any advice
GPRW xx


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Hello GPRW, 

I used a bank and I have a picture of my donor as a toddler.  It really freaks people out when I say wanna see my donor and then show them a picture of a baby    It's kind of nice to have all the same.  Sometimes you can get a picture of them as an adult too.  You don't get this with UK clinics though.  You need to import from Denmark, European Sperm Bank or Xytex, or Cyrobank.  It's more expensive too.  But hey I'm not sure you can guarantee what your child might look like from a donor's looks anyway.  With the absence of a father I think people always see more of the mother in the child anyway.  

Takes a bit of getting your head round all the donor stuff but it happens - Diesy


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## moononthetides (Feb 20, 2013)

Hi 

I am in the early stages of single motherhood: am currently saving to have IVF later this year. However, I have been mulling this over and planning it for years 

_How did you deal with not knowing what the donor looked like? I'm worried if my child wants to meet the donor at 18 and they aren't what they expect and feel bad of me etc did anybody else think like this?_

I don't think this will be much of an issue, although I don't doubt there will be a certain amount of angst along the way. I think most people tend to think "how would I feel if I found out my father, the man I know as 'dad' is not in a biological sense" - our children however will know from the start how they came into the world. I plan to explain to my child that I wanted to find a daddy for her but couldn't, but that I desperately wanted to be a mummy and so I asked a nice doctor to help me. Of course I will add detail as she grows up but that is the main gist of the story.

I think it's totally normal to wonder and worry about all sorts of things - one of the things I fixate on is weddings (if she is a girl) and no proud dad and first pints for a boy. I do of course wish I could offer them everything, but I can't. All I can do is give them the best of what I've got, the best of who I am.

_After a failed long term relationship I have decided not to wait for Mr right anymore & achieve my life goal/dreams I'm worried about my parents Reaction to my choice I was planning just to tell them when I was pregnant but part of me feels this Would only lead to lots of questions etc_

They may just surprise you - my dad did and he is reasonably supportive. I think as single ladies a lot of the time it is assumed we are single because for whatever reason we just haven't put enough effort in, one of my friends insists on talking to me about online dating and Zumba whenever I talk about being a single mum!  (She is normally lovely!) I think you just have to do your research - my dad was very shocked at first but he relaxed when he saw I'd done my research into how to get pregnant, childcare costs and maternity leave, what i would tell my child as he/she grew up ...

That's not to say it's easy but I think once you've decided - once you KNOW - you can deal with prejudice you may encounter then. I think our parents love us and think we're beautiful and think all men should feel the same  they don't always appreciate it isn't as easy as that!

Good luck x


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi GPRW
welcome!
You've got an exciting journey ahead 
Once you decide which clinic to use, do take advantage of their counselling service where you will be able to raise all those questions and more, and get also some relevant support and well-informed answers xx


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