# Hi - I'm new, just been told I need IVF



## Jazz1975 (Mar 19, 2008)

Hi there,

I'm so pleased I've found this site. Sorry if this post seems jumbled, but my head just feels so full at the moment and I don't know what to do.

A bit about me is that my name is Rachael, I live near Chester, I'm 33 years old, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for almost 3 years. We did get pregnant 3 years ago, but unfortunately I miscarried at 8 weeks.

I have PCOS which we thought would explain the delay in our getting pregnant again, but after going through the scans, and an HSG test, my specialist said he would like to do the lap and dye as it appeared one of my tubes was actually blocked. I had the lap and dye a few days ago, and they basically found that both my tubes are blocked, not just one. We were told that IVF is our only option, as my right tube is so swollen that even if I were to get pregnant naturally, the surgeon feared it would most likely be an ectopic pregnancy as eggs are not able to travel down my right tube.

I believe there's a 2 year waiting list in Chester for IVF, and you get one cycle on the NHS so really we're going to have to go private, but then I don't know where we're going to find the money. I know having children is not a 'right' but I feel so sad... My husband deserves to be a dad, he's such a good man. I feel dreadful for him as he's the oldest son of a large Irish Catholic family, he's the only one of his siblings that's moved over to England, and he's the only one who's not had a child yet, so I know questions are being asked by his family.

We've not told either sets of our parents that we've been struggling to conceive because at the moment I just feel like I'm reeling and I couldn't take all their questions. It feels so personal too, and not necessarily something I want everyone to know.

I'm also wondering what on earth could've blocked my tubes, the surgeon said that it wasn't important _how_ it happened, it's just a case of dealing with it, but it would most likely have been an infection. I did suffer an infection after my miscarriage 3 years ago the doctor diagnosed it at my 8 week check up, but I had antibiotics for it, and surely it can't have done so much damage?! I've never had an STI as far as I'm aware, and I'm supposing it's something I'd know about. It just seems so horribly ironic that getting pregnant and having a resulting infection is possibly what's now left me unable to conceive naturally.

I am overweight, my BMI is approaching 30 so I've got to address that as soon as possible, we're back at the fertility clinic in about 6 weeks and I'm assuming that we'll be told exactly what to do then. I've been looking up the prices of IVF on the internet and I'm also assuming we'll need at least £5k for just one cycle.

It just seems too much to take in at the moment. I'm also surprised at the sheer number of members on this site - it's quite comforting to know there's so many others out there because it feels as though we're so on our own.

I'm sorry for wittering on, but it actually feels a bit better just to write our situation down. Has anyone please got any advice as to how long it takes for the feeling of loss to go away? What should we do next? I know I need to get my weight down to give any IVF treatment we have the best possible chance, but where do we start?! I know nothing about IVF - I feel as though I've got to research, but I don't know where to start as the searches I do seem to pull up adverts and not info. Everything seems to take so long, even though it's only really a matter of weeks before we're back at the fertility clinic, it just seems like such a waiting game.

Again, I'm sorry for rambling. I'd be so grateful for any advice as to what happens next.

Thanks for reading.

Rx


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## Sarita (Feb 4, 2005)

Hi Rachael
Welcome to FF! Your story is very similar to many and hear you will find a wealth of support and understanding for your situation right here. So sorry to hear that you had a miscarriage. The ladies here are truly angels in disguise and completely understand what you're going though so please don't apologise and get typing and venting!

I'm also 33 and my hubby is 35 and we've been struggling to conceive for a while. I had a lap and dye and only one of my tubes is patent so the dr said that IVF was the best route for me. I also have moderate endo (luckilly no symptoms) and pcos. I remember thinking at the time that it was a devastating blow and never thought i'd need IVF. The waiting list for my area was 2 years and i'm now going through my first IVF. Take each step at a time and don't worry as when you get your first appointment the clinic/hospital will take you through everything. 

I really do understand how you feel. My hubby is a wonderful guy who will make a fab dad.Being Indian and going through fertility issues, when all around are having babies with such ease is not easy as in our culture, infertility is such a taboo subject and many people don't know how to respond. We've chosen to not tell anyone as we don't want to take on other people's feeling and questions etc so we simply don't discuss anything with anyone, keeps our sanity intact!

Hang in there lovely and give yourself a little time to get to grips with the fact that you will be going through IVF. The sense of loss and sadness will pass and look at IVF as a gift as it does work for many and you may be a lucky one!

Hoping you feel much bettter very soon and take good care lovely. xxx


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## C L Brown (Mar 19, 2008)

Hi Rachel

Sorry to hear about your problems TTC. Like you I am new to this so please bear with me until I get the hang of things. 
I've just finished my first cycle of IVF and am half way through the dreaded 2WW which is torture!  
Our treatment cost £2600 plus the drugs. My advice would be to not get your medication direct from the private hospital as it can work out expensive, they gave me my private prescription and I purchased mine from Self Care at Home who were great and half the price of the hospital at around £650. I have the details at home if you ever need them
Don't be afraid of the nasal sprays and injections, there were no problem really and I was lucky enough to not get many side effects. If anything you start to feel proactive to doing something positive about having a baby. 
Good luck with your treatment and I am here to ask anything about it and don't hesitate to contact me.

Take Care
Claire


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## Julie xxxxx (Sep 27, 2005)

Hi,

I am sorry to hear your story.

I am like you, I have been trying ttc for 3 years and had lap and dye in dec 07, been told both my tubes r blocked and they couldn't give me any reason for this.  After I was told this I was so angry , but after a few weeks tried to stay postive as at least I know why I wasn't falling pregnant .  I have just had a consulation at the nutfield hospital and am going again on mon 24th March to plan my treatment , I am really nervous but I am hoping everything will work out.  I am feeling really anxious at the moment and just want to move on with thing.

Try to keep strong and postive.


Julie


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi Rachael,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.  Sorry to hear of your troubles ttc.  It can be really fustrating on a waiting list especially if it takes 2 years.  I can't really help any further but just wanted to wish you all the luck for the future.
Emma
x x x x


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## Kazzz (Feb 20, 2008)

Hi Rachael

You have found a great site for friends and support. I was amazed by the number of people on this site - i always feel this is only happening to me.

Stay positive and it will happen.

Like you i am 33 - DH 36 ttc for 4 years.

Good Luck

Kazzz    xxxxxxxxxx


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello Rachael, welcome to Fertility Friends. 

You sond like you need a massive hug right now so. 
It is such a terribly blow when you are first told you need IVF - I remember tha day i found out and I was expecting it and yet, I still bawled my eyes out for days. It was so final and all hope of a natural conception had been taken away from me. I was very lucky; I was already a member of FF at the time so it "softened" the blow having so many lovely understanding people to talk to about my feelings. I am sure you will come to find the same too.
The feelings you are having right now are perfetcly normal. Youa re greiving the loss of your fertility and, perhaps (at this point when things are so uncertain) the loss of furute children. If you are anything like me you probably wanted / planned a big family and it's hard to find yourself having to revise that down to "just one baby, please!"

You may never know what caused your tubal damage and, your cons is right it doesn't matter now. You don't need your tubes with IVF so, stuff 'em and bypass them!

Have you thought about Egg Sharing? It's a good way to help reduce the costs of IVF for yourself while helping others to acheive their dreams? Here's alink if you want to know more:

*Egg Share ~ *CLICK HERE

I egg shared and my treatments cost me about £1500 a go but that was mostly because I chose a farily expensive (but very good) clinic and we needed ICSI and some immune treatments and there was embryo freezing etc. as well as the basic IVF. Financially you do have to allow that it may take more than one go. You may be really lucky and get pg on your first attempt but, it's best to plan ahead and budget accordingly if you can.

If you want some information about clinic the HFEA website is the best place to look:

www.HFEA.gov.uk

And you could also look at our own clinic review section:

*Clinic Reviews ~ * CLICK HERE

And here's a few more useful links you might want to check out:

*Questions for your first cycle consultation ~ (use the ones that apply) *CLICK HERE

*A Rough Guide To IVF ~*   CLICK HERE

And don't forget to have a bit of fun while you are on FF and check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area:

*Girl & Boy talk - Community & Fun Board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

Wishing you lots of luck. 

C~x


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## Guest (Mar 22, 2008)

Hi Rachel 

Welcome to FF  

I found in Nov that I had 1 blocked tube and 1 abnormal tube and adhesions and that IVF was the only route for us. I was also told in Jan that I have mild PCOS. 
I can remember how scared I felt when I first heard the words IVF - "surely that is something  that happens to other people, not to me"........
I wish I had found this site in Nov - only found it in Jan - it has been such a great help to me and I am sure it will be to you too. 

Since finding the blocked tube I have had 2 lap and dye, the last one to remove the blocked tube and we have just started our 1st tx. It was initially so scary but IVF is such a wonderful science and has developed so much over the last 5 years, I keep telling myself how lucky I am that we are ttc in 2008 - 15 years ago with my history we wouldn't have had any chance at all. 

In terms of what caused your blocked tubes I spent 3 months beating myself up that it was something I had done and blaming myself and it is a horrible feeling. It is true what your cons said that it doesn't matter what caused it but I know us girls like to know. I have subsequently found out that my blocked tubes were caused by appendicitis when I was 8!!! They can also be caused by an STI like chlamydia which can be completely symptomless for both men and women so you may not have known. They can also be caused by abdominal surgery, the coil or non STI's like Bacterial vaginosis if left untreated. So as you see it can be caused by many different things. My only advice is to try and not feel guilty about anything and blame yourself or your husband as we are where we are and now need to look forward to IVF. 

Have you thought about egg sharing as a way to have private treatment without it costing? Many private clinics offer this now which means you don't have to sit on the NHS waiting list.

Good luck! Am sure you will have your dream.  
Perky
xxx


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi jazz1975 and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic place full of advice and support.

You have been left some great links to try out.

Im sorry to hear all you have been through and i am wishing u loads of luck with the future.

Kate xx​


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## Jazz1975 (Mar 19, 2008)

Hi there, 

I just wanted to thank you all so much for your incredibly warm welcome, kind words of support, and excellent advice.  You have all given me such comfort to know that it's not just 'me' and my dh involved in this.  I keep looking at him and thinking 'would he be better off with someone else who can give him the family he so longs for' 

I asked him about egg sharing, which I think is a brilliant idea, but he said he'd rather we didn't because of his religious views.  I actually think this is something we can talk about and he may well reconsider when the reality of how much money we're going to have to find actually sinks in.

I have an appointment with my GP this afternoon as seemingly typically at the moment, my scar from my lap and dye has become infected and is really unpleasant, I'm really trying to not be maudlin though and stop it with the whole 'why me?' talk.  

I've been giving serious thought to telling my family about what's happening, but I'm in two minds.  I feel disloyal on one hand for not talking to them, but by the same token I couldn't bear all the questions I'd inevitably face.  Maybe in a couple of weeks when I'm not feeling so raw.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank you all so much for the wonderful welcome - this site is brilliant, and there's so much information and many inspiring stories on here.

Rach.x


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## Viking Girl (Aug 20, 2006)

Hi Rach,

Welcome to FF. Finding out that you need IVF is a real blow - I remember like it was yesterday the day we were told (I had just come round from my 1st lap/dye and wasn't really with it which made it worse!). You really do feel like you are in last chance saloon - well, I know I did anyway.

Having just been through my first (and last if all goes ok for the next 8 months!) IVF, I can honestly say that it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was very daunting at the beginning, especially the day you go home with the massive carrier bag of drugs!, but you just get on and do it! 

I have stage 4 endometriosis and 1 severely damaged tube so it was pretty much totally impossible for me to get pregnant in any natural way, but IVF gave me something I never had before - hope!

I have my first scan tomorrow and I am now praying that all is ok - just feel so amazed that we have even got this far!

If there is anything you want to know (I am with the Hewitt Centre at Liverpool which is probably where you will have you EC and ET if you are having treatment at Countess in Chester), then please drop me a PM. There is also a really good couple of threads for people at Chester in the Locations/Cheshire section and I know they have a great support network there.

Karen x


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