# Name change help



## moobags (Nov 13, 2013)

Hi

We have been advised to change our future LOs name for security reasons they are 2yrs 7 mths we are worried that this maybe traumatic for them and also how successful will it be given they are familiar with their name.

If anyone has any experience or advice it would be much appreciated.

Moo x


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Hi moo bags  

We changed our boys names but was 11m & don't think he knew his name as FC called him baby...

I've read you should call them by their given name an your given name so Jo Jane and then Jane Jo until you can just drop the Jo...My lo is 2 now and I think he'd struggle and be a boy confused as he knows exactly what his name is but I've read a lot of people do it easily and successfully x


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

Hey, our friends did it with a 3 year old.  It was part of transition and the FC introduced this and it was in there story books.  Because FC did it they felt safe.  It worked really well so might be worth discussing with sw for them to start calling lo by their new names. Xx


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## marmalade999 (Mar 9, 2015)

We are in the same situation. LO is 18months he has the same name as birth child........ we are going to swap his middle name to his 1st name. Social worker is insistent that he should be called by his birth name. How can we have 2 children with the same name

Any ideas?!


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## moobags (Nov 13, 2013)

Thing is we are changing the names for security reasons as BF are dead against the adoption and the names so distinctive our workers are really against the change so much so I am exposed to some quite rude and unprofessional behaviour by them.  He worker and family for our link are not keen on the change but appreciate and understand our reasons.

At the end of the day these social workers will be long gone when children are teenagers and its up to us as parents to protect them.

We accept that birth name is important but when it poses a huge risk which in our case it does how are they looking at the children's future welfare.  Our plane is to move first name to middle how easy that will be who knows.

moo x


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## marmalade999 (Mar 9, 2015)

Thanks for the reply moo.
Our lo has to be moved out of Area due to the nature of the case too. 
Has being open about the name change jeopardised the adoption?


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## moobags (Nov 13, 2013)

We said before social worker meeting after reading for that we would only proceed if name change was acceptable we said we didn't want to waste their time coming to visit if it was a no.  Basically we have been told that change of name will have to be introduced once placed had part is trying to come up with names.

Our worker seems to think we want to change because we don't like the names which is not true but then again the relationship between us and our worker is not great.

Moo x


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## Kelloggs (Aug 15, 2011)

We are currently in a link with 2 children, 6 and 3 yrs old, the 6 yr olds name is the same as my husbands which is a bit strange but i'm ok with that but the 3 yr old girl has a very unusual name and birth mum only lives 20ish miles from us. We would like to change it to something similar i guess it would have to start off as a nickname and eventually they'd be used to it. x


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Moo bags we were the same. Or sw didn't support us (despite when actually telling us about lo initially she said "oh you can change his name as fed so young!"). She made it quite clear she wouldn't support us despite having very valid reasons. As it turned out because we did foster to adopt lo was with us when we went to matching panel and she made a point of raising it to make us justify it. We were quite happy to do this as felt very strongly our reasons for change were significant and not without foundation. As it happens the entire panel agreed with us and felt it wasn't only sensible but absolutely necessary given the notoriety and close proximity of BF.


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## moobags (Nov 13, 2013)

Thanks becs problem we have is older one is 2.5 so it maybe hard to change.

The other thing is that I was made today to feel very uncomfortable in a room full of other people )workers and adopters) during an extra training session put on by our agency.

The trainer looked at my list of questions and where it said name change she said "I don't agree and have a complete different opinion this agency doesn't support name changes' it was quite cutting how she spoke and in front of other people too our worker was in the room also after the trainer made her statement she walked away to stand by my worker who proceeded to write something on a piece of paper which the trainer read they both laughed and then walked out of the room and stood whispering in the corridor,  it was obvious they were talking about me I thought it very rude and unprofessional I found myself justifying my stance and reasons which was hard without giving details away there was another worker sat by me who saw this and tried to distract me with conversation so I wouldn't notice the two people whispering outside the room.  To say I was livid was an understatement really not sure how to broach the subject with my worker without jeopardising things.

I am so angry and upset by it all I daren't tell DH as he will kick right off.

We full get why name changes are a real taboo but it's the adopters who have to live with the possible dangers posed by BF.

Moo x


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Our friend changed her dd name, while still in FC she was called birth name then new name like double barrelled. Then over a few months swapped to new name then birth name. A few months after that just her new name. She was 2 1/2 at the time. She is now 4 and you would never know her name was something else for the first few years.


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Like said previously its we who need to live with the name and security issues surrounding it so you can understand why so many change their names. 

Also, when in a GP surgery and they shout out not just first birth name but whole birth name that adds a whole new level of security risk! I sit there waiting an feeling so timid about standing up as then the whole room knows my Lo name x


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## bulmer (Sep 5, 2010)

We changed both our LO's names with the full consent of placing LA in fact they actually suggested it as adoption out of area for security reasons.  LO's were 1 and 3 at time of placement.  We had 4 weeks between approval and placement due to FC having other kids in placement and school holidays and the FC had done all the work for us.  We were lucky to have very experienced FC who used LO's names as little as possible during placement using "pet" names for them instead.  FC knew our chosen names before panel and started using them straight away. She even bought little toys with the new names for them.  We have never had any problem with the change our eldest didn't even want a nickname she only wanted her new name.  We kept the birth names as middle names but in all honesty don't even use them. Our own SW was a bit surprised as its not something they approve of (official line) her personal opinion was very different and she ended up being surprisingly supportive.  Good luck and stand your ground x


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

LIttlepoppy86 


I was the same specially as ds birth surname was unusual. I had a word with our GP and his peditrican that when they called him they only either used his first name or they used our surname. I explained of the risk and they were very good. Most of the time they just used his first name. The on,y time they added our surname was if there was someone else waiting with the same name as him.


Xx


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