# It's over for us



## Catspyjamas (Sep 26, 2005)

Just to let you know that it’s all over for us.  The spotting I’ve been having since Monday (day 8 after ET) continued on Tuesday and Wednesday and is much heavier now, and has turned red.  Still no AF pains but bleeding this heavy can’t be good.

I’m absolutely devastated.  I know it’s all down to luck but we had great embies transferred and I suppose I just thought that this was our time.  I remember sitting looking around the waiting room on the day of ET.  There were 4 of us and I remember thinking that statistically only one of the four couples would get good news.  I was obviously hoping it would be us.  Does that sound really selfish?  Even if it does, I can’t help it.  

I’ve tried to stay positive throughout the whole treatment.  I’ve paid an absolute fortune for acupuncture and organic food.  Gave up coffee, tea, alcohol, chocolate.  I gave up having a summer holiday to pay for the treatment.  Sickened myself with stupid whey protein drinks.  And all for nothing.

At least when the IUIs failed I could pretend to myself that something could equally be wrong at DH’s end, and it wasn’t just a failing on my part.  But this time, it is my fault.  DH played his part, and we got great embies.  But my body let us both down.  Why would he want to be with someone like me, who can’t give him the one thing he truly wants?

I’m sorry.  I know this is a pity party and that you all have your own problems.  Just to let you know I won’t be posting for a few days.  I need to get my head around this failure, work out a plan of action, and not be bringing others down with me.  

I just want to wish everyone else the best of luck for testing.  Just because it didn't work for us doesn't mean that it won't work for you.  I really hope all your dreams come true.

Thank you for all your support over the course of this treatment.


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## cheesyb (Oct 31, 2005)

ah darling

I am so sorry and it is not a game of fault at all, no-one really knows what physical and emotional strains ours bodies can and cant cope with and the way you feel is not selfish at all, its totally natural. I felt exactly the same at ET when I saw another 4 couples and wondered in 2 weeks time who would be successful and obviously wishing it was me  

I know it may look like I can say this with ease because I am fortunate that it worked for me, despite being told everyday not to get my hopes up cause its early days, but, I really do understand how you feel as I have had past experiences myself and it is totally soul destroying and you have all the emotions, anger, blame, jealousy, and so it goes on. I know I cant offer any solution but just wanted to acknowledge your sorrows and wish you all the very best for whatever you decide to do next.

The fact that it costs a total fortune doesnt help alongside the sacrifices you have to make and that fact that for some it seems so simple.

Once again, I am truely sorry from the bottom of my heart  

love
cheesyb
xx


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## Pri769 (Mar 15, 2006)

Hi

I dont think we've ever 'spoke' but I just read your post and wanted to say how sorry I am
     
I know nothing I or anyone will say will help at the moment but just wanted you to know that everyone on FF are here for you...
You're not being selfish at all and it does seem really unfair when embies, sample etc are all good and it still doesnt work...  
If you do try again, I wish you all the best hun      

As for DH, Im sure he loves you no matter what !  

 

Pri...x


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## Brighton (May 8, 2006)

Hi,

So sorry to hear your painful news. I have been through this twice, and really empathise.

Take heart though, the facts are, you have good embryos, and you were just unlucky this time, so keep persevering.

It is fact that 70 percent of people undergoing fertility treatment do get a baby. So just keep going...

Good on you, for all your efforts with the organic food, no caffeine etc. You did the best you could do for your treatment, and you should have no regrets.

Don't beat yourself up wth this negativity, you have simply been unlucky.

Fingers crossed for the next go...and hold on to your dream!

Brighton


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## suzy (Oct 12, 2003)

Hi,


thalia said:


> You are grieving, but you are not done yet.


I so agree with this powerful statement. Please don't give up and don't blame yourself. Unfortunately, one of the hardest things about infertility is its largely out of your control. It doesn't seem right when so many things in life can be worked towards - the more work we put into things, the more we are convinced it'll work.

When you have your heart set on something, and its taken ages, and you have a huge emotional and financial investment in it, and everything looks good and you have done everything in your power to make it happen, it just does not make sense that it fails and you fall in a heap from a great height and its CRAP. Its not surprising that it is gutting and heartbreaking and you want someone or something to blame. But I actually think that no matter how much you try and "do the right thing", success is pretty much a function of the potential of that particular embryo, and not within your control - no matter how much organic food you eat. Actually doing IVF is the one thing that is in your control and will give you the highest chance of success.

I would echo the others and say persevere - its not all over, but you need strength to continue. I would say to you find ways of coping with it - post here, let all your feelings out, read about it, distract yourself, keep busy and active, don't dwell on it, take up a hobby, work on your relationship, go on mini holidays, learn relaxation - anything you can to get through. But I also think you need to have a period of grieving - so feel bad, have a pity party (as we all have at times), and cry and hit pillows (you wouldn't be alone), and then after a while, brush yourself down and look forward and carry on.

Love,

Suzy


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## x shye x (Jan 24, 2006)

hi my name is michelle i read your posting and it brought tears to my eyes, so sorry to hear your going to give up. it sounds like you have a special partner who loves you at lease you have each other. It must be heart breaking to have to make that decision i just wish u all the luck in the world and hope u feel better soon. xxxxxxxxxx  michelle and marc xxxxxxx


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## Jeps (Jan 9, 2006)

Hello
What a sad post, but I really believe that you shouldn't give up. As someone else on here has written, a massive 70% of women get pregnant with IVF, it just takes some more tries than others. I know the thought of doing it all over again is gut wrenching but once you've picked yourself up from this disappointment you'll probably feel more positive again and will want to have another go, I'm sure it will happen for you, you just have to look at it as a long process.  Have you actually done a pregnancy test?  I don't want to give false hope here but some women actually do bleed whilst pregnant??
Anyway, look after yourself, together with your DH you'll get through this and one day will get what we all want so badly!!!
Lots and lots of love
Jxxxx


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## Mrs Jo (May 22, 2006)

Hi,

I just read your post and it brought a tear to my eye.  The thought of what you are feeling and how you are blaming yourself made me sad.  IVF is not the nicest thing at all for people to go through but it makes each and everyone of us stronger and when the IVF finally works you will be the most wonderful mother as you know how precious it is to have this child and you will one day it is just sad it was not this time.  

Just keep telling yourself you did 101% best at eating, drinking and doing the right things you did nothing wrong and I hope to see you on this board soon saying yes you have a bfp.

Best of luck and take care and keep your chin up.

xx


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## Mrs_H (Jan 29, 2006)

Just wanted to send a big hug,
So sorry to read your post, 







~ please don't blame your self it's not your fault, remember that,

Sara xxxx


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## ♥Tamsin♥ (Jun 29, 2004)

Sending you some big  and  CPJ's..I'm so sorry that your 1st attempt didn't work out.....but take this time to grieve for your loss and come out fightling again!

Take Care,

Tamsin
xx


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