# Telling about sibling?



## marieclare (May 10, 2008)

Hiya everyone, I haven't posted on this board before so hope its ok to jump in   ...I'm currently doing my first icsi with egg share and had a question I can't find an answer to.

There's quite a lot of chat on the DE board about whether to tell the child they are the result of a donation or not. I just wondered if the subject comes up for sharers too? ie if your treatment is successful, and and you know your recipient has been successful, do you / will you tell your child about the genetic sibling? Also would you tell anyone else in the wider family? 

Once me and DH had decided on ES, I told my parents and my sister (we are close) because if any of them had had any major objections we might have re-thought. Given that they would all be genetic relatives of the potential donor child if he or she says hello in 18yrs time I thought it was important. 

If me and my recipient are both lucky enough to be successful I was just wondering how / what I would tell my child.... and if that would extend to DHs family too...

Has anyone been in the situation where you are both successful and thought about who to tell or not tell? Would love to hear everyones thoughts.

xxx
Marie


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## purplejr (May 20, 2009)

Hi MarieClare,

We've done 2 rounds of egg share and I think we've been wondering the same thing. I don't even know if the other 2 couples were successful and I'm still not sure I'm ready to find out.

How do you broach the subject with a child though. I mean if you were using a donor egg you could explain all of that but how do you start to explain that you gave some of your eggs away. And what's the right age to do it as well?

I know they recommend with adoption telling them as young as poss and just maintaining it as a subject through their life.

We told our families about the egg share cos like you I wanted to know if they had any major objections. Not sure whether it would have stopped us but you also need to ask the questions about family history. I've also mentioned it to other people as well but then I've also told others about treatment then it's up to them if they want to ask or just not mention it again.

I think I would have found it more stressful to be covering up the treatment all the time.

Good luck with your tx and here's hoping you get your BFP.

Sending you lots of    and   .

xx


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## frazermic (Nov 4, 2007)

Hi My family knows, But i am close to my family as well and we talk about everything.

Dont think i tell DH family as its realy now of their business and they wouldnt understand,they dont know we are having treatment.And dh would like to keep it that way.His family judge him regardless so he thinks why give them something else to use.

xx


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## eggsharer (Oct 22, 2007)

i had a DD who was 8 at the time i eggshared, i explained to her what was going on throughout the whole procedure, she saw the jabs and everything and she has watched IVF on tv loads too, she knew that mummy was giving some eggs to a lady who didnt have any, obviously she doesnt quite comprehend that means a potential sibling but when she was older and did i would explain that mummy just donated some cells, like donating blood but the other lady grew that into a baby   when the boys are older i would of told them we did it to get them, however unfortunatly my recipient was unsuccessful so its not an issue for us 

good luck with your cycle


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## babymithel (Oct 13, 2008)

I have 7yr olds as a result of eggshare ivf, I wasn't told if my recipients TX worked, so I haven't even mentioned it to my girls or older children.


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## marieclare (May 10, 2008)

Thanks for all the responses, Purplejr it sounds like I haveall the same questions as you but no answers  

I guess for me its a case of wait and see


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