# Anxious about a match - At what stage do you know if you have been shortlisted



## Moppit (May 8, 2007)

Dear Lovely Ladies

I am hoping some of you out there might be able to help. I am a regular poster on the adoption boards and usually post on the prospective adopters or post panel threads but wanted to reach out to see if any of the other lovely ladies on here might have a view on this.

We were approved at panel earlier this year and recently received a call from our Social Worker to say that she had a child she thought might be suitable for us. She sent over the child's full CPR the following weekend and having read through it we said we were happy to move forward. At the moment the next stage is stalled due to the need to get some information about a medical issue but in the mean time we have been trying to work out whether or not the fact that we have viewed the CPR and spoken to our SW about the child means we have been shortlisted. 

Our social worker doesnt seem to want to answer the question which is leading me to believe that multiple adopters may have seen the CPR and that therefore shortlisting hasnt happened. I had always thought that they did the short listing before sending out the CPRs and that only those adopters they thought would be suitable (reduced down to a maximum of 2-3) would receive it. 

It feels cruel to get multiple adopters hopes up about a child before even narrowing the list down at all so I want to believe that the fact we have seen teh CPR means we are on the short list and will be interviewed but the SW isnt making me feel that way.

What are other's experiences of this? Would you expect to receive a CPR only if there had been shortlisting done? If you received a CPR and were happy to proceed woudl you expect to be interviewed?

Any help gratefully accepted. I feel I need to know this so I don't get my hopes up too much. At the end of the day if we are one out of 10 vs 1 out of 2 then our chances of actually getting match with the child are tiny!

Mx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi

Agencies do differ in there ways of dealing with this side of things but I would have thought the majority wouldn't send the full cpr out unless you are on the shortlist.  

Our LA only send the cpr out to the family unit that is there preferred choice, if that family say no they generally have a back up or go back to another linking meeting.  When a family agrees to go further, our LA set up a meeting between the LAC SW, adopters and their SW.  Again it varies as to whether they will give photos at this stage, whether they give the go ahead and sort dates for panel etc or whether they will want to come back for another meeting with LAC Manager before the link becomes official.

Its not very fair of your SW to not answer your questions, its not as though they all do things the same way so very valid questions.

Good luck
OT x


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## crusoe (Jun 3, 2005)

Hi Moppit
I can't really add anything as our LA operate in much the same way as OT describes. We were approached about our ds with some fairly basic facts, asked if we wanted to see the CPR, we then met with our sw who asked if we were interested in proceeding. We met ds's sw who seemed to have to give her seal of approval before an official selection meeting could take place. We felt however that we had been unofficially selected and other adopters would only be approached if we turned the match down. We were the 1st choice so to speak. We then had official matching panel and met ds a week later.
Not sure that helps you but I wish you lots of luck and hope this is the match for you.
Love Crusoe xxx


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## Moppit (May 8, 2007)

Thanks so much ladies, this has really helped. We won't really know much until the medical issue is resolved but good to know that the chances are we are in the running for this little one. I'll keep you updated.

Crusoe - Great to hear from you. How are things going?

Mx


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

this has interested me as we have found that CPR's have been sent most of the time before even they have seen our PAR

one sw definately wanted us to see the childs CPR and to see our PAR before she shortlisted

In fact I have been confused by one SW who would not send the childs CPR until after shortlisting

We have been approved a couple of weeks and seen 5 childrens CPR's and I dont think you can make any decisions about the child until you have read this as the information on the profile tells you absolutely nothing and we found that unfortunately the CPR's raised questions in regard to our suitability for the child/children

Am I right in thinking you are with a VA?

If thats the case I think like us you will find that no to places or sw's are the same!! 

I really hope you find out soon xx


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## Moppit (May 8, 2007)

Curvy Cat

Thanks for your post. I find it frustrating that there seem to be different rules for different LAs and wish they would just concur on the best way and stick to it! 

We are with an LA not a VA and have received the full CPR for one child but much like the situation you describe it looks like no shortlisting has occured yet and that the family finder may not have reviewed our profile yet although our SW told us she had spoken to the Family finder about us.

From the sound of your post you have experienced something similar.

I have to say I wish they wouldnt do it this way as it is so hard not to get your hopes up having read the full CPR assuming you think it could be a match. I know how disappointed we are going to be if we are now told that we won't be interviewed. It is one thing to lose out once you've been interviewed but to not even have the chance will be very upsetting.

You are very lucky to have seen so many CPRs already. We have been approved 6 months and this is the only one we hvae seen. I think this makes it harder as we know that it could be another 6 months before we see another one....

Mx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Personnally I think it is bad practise to send full cprs to people before short listing.  We know that the cpr for our DS only came to us which makes going to support groups easier as I don't have anyone saying that they have read his report or know his background.  We had turned down a child previous to that and was a bit uncomfy knowing if we bumped into them at a group or family day we would know his info, some I've forgotten but not all by any means.

We have just been sent a cpr today for a little girl and we are due another one in a couple of weeks for a child that had been 'picked' by DS's old SW as being a perfect match to us.  We are again the only ones to be sent the cpr and will be the only ones to receive the other littles girls report until we decide whether we want to proceed or not.

A LAC SW and your SW should be able to work out whether a child will be a possible match before deciding to send the report out to multiple prospective adopters, afterall that information is confidential and shouldn't be handed out freely.

Good luck with finding your families, if the child is right it will happen.

OT x


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## Moppit (May 8, 2007)

Dear Old Timer

I couldnt agree with you more. I think it is wrong for lots of reasons to share a child's CPR with a couple that has not yet been shortlisted and I can only hope that I have misunderstood our SW and we are infact being considered strongly unless something changes regarding the medical issue. 

There are so many things about the adoption process that I think should be changed. They always say everything is done in the interests of the child but the deeper you get into it the more you reaslie that it is also about budgets and targets and the child's interests arent always first.

I often say to myself that when I am old and grey and have finished the adoption process and have my 10 children I will lobby the government for change to a system that not only harms the children it is trying to protect but also puts adoptive parents through too much. I know that as adoptive parents we are bottom of the pile in terms of our needs and that we have to accept this but I sometimes wonder if they understand just how hard it is to be battered around with disappointment when most couples ahve already been through so much already to get there.

I have no doubt we will get there in the end and I know 100% it will all be worth it but I really, really wish that someone up high would take a close look at the process and make it better for everyone.

Friday rant over better do some work!

Mx


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

Just wanted you to know I am there with you   

I am told that once we have our children this frustration, pain, total exhaustion will be forgotten   

I really do hope that things progress with you and this link please keep us informed


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## Fabulous Lady Lumps (Jan 3, 2008)

Hi,

Just came across your post and it rang a bell with me  

There doesn't really seem to be any definite protocol. We were told childrens sw was coming to see us before our PAR was even sent over, in the end she didn't as we weren't the preferred family for the little ones.

I think all I would say is, keep asking questions. If you are told of children ask if you are the only family being considered, you SW should know this. Its hard not to get yourself excited, especially if you feel the child/children could be the right ones. We just ask everything now right from the off, you can deal with what you know but the unknown is difficult.

Good luck, hope you find your child/children soon xx


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