# Herbaltea's Adoption Adventure



## herbaltea

Hello everyone  

Well this is my first post of my adoption journey. I'll start with a bit of background.

After years of investigations, a diagnosis of severe pcos and ttc with donor sperm at clinic......we decided enough was enough. After many months, I decided I would like to consider adoption. After lots of discussion with dp, a sw came to visit, we talked about the ages we would like to adopt etc and it all became real. We got to the point of filling out the application form, when dp suddenly got cold feet and decided against it. Choices for me......dp and never a family or go it alone. So many many months on........I'm now embarking on the adoption path as a singlie. Dp and I are still the best of friends, which is good.

So.......where am I now?

I made my initial enquiry mid january 2010 and the next info meeting is on the 19th December. I can't wait to get started and the 3 adoption books I ordered on Amazon arrived today  

I know its going to be a long and winding journey with many hills and valleys........but I am hoping with all my heart my turn to become a mummy will happen  

I have so many hurdles to get over.......being single, being gay, having one previous episode of ill health and having an over average bmi (working on this as priority!!).........fingers crossed  

Will keep you all posted as I go forward


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## herbaltea

Well here is post number 2 on my adventure  

I decided to speak to my local VA yesterday to ask about their adoption procedures etc and to ask questions. I was really impressed with them and was put straight through to a sw who was lovely on the phone and put my mind at rest about all the quesions I had about my own personal circumstances!! They are sending info in the post and if I want to go ahead with them, then they will arrange for a sw to visit me. They also said that they tend to place 'more difficult to place' children. After researching, it seems as if VA's will approve an adopter faster than an LA, but waiting for a match can take longer. So decisions to be made as to whether to go LA or VA.

I'm going to persue both and go with the agency I feel would support me the best  

So so excited about the prospect of becoming a mummy, but also scared of rejection!


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## herbaltea

Update number 3!

Well, this time next week I'll have been to my LA info meeting   Have waited 5 weeks for it and just can't wait to get the ball rolling!

As a back up, I've also started going ahead with my VA and have a sw visit booked for the 2nd March!  

I so hope I'll be reading back on this in 2+ years time with a little one who I'm a mummy to!


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## kittykat1234

Hey you ,

this time next week u will have had ur info meeting    !
I am just on way back from checks!
Have a good weekend xxx


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## Cars

Herbalteas, just sending some      and hoping ur info evening goes well xx


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## mmmbop

Hey Herbaltea,
sending big love and hugs to help you on your journey,hope the meet goes well,and your dream comes true.

M'bop,xx


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## herbaltea

Hello everyone!   Well this afternoon I had my info meeting with my LA and was mighty nervous! I was hoping I wasn't going to be the only single adopter there, but I was, amongst 7 other couples!! The meeting consisted of the head sw speaking generally about adoption and then a small talk from an adopter. I'm not sure if I was just feeling sensitive about being a single adopter, but it did all seem very couple based.........even with a comment like "when children are matched with couples" - and then an apologetic "oh, or single parents"!!!!!!!! We were told at the end that the next step is for a sw to call us in the next two weeks to see if we want to go forward.

I must say.........so far I've spoken to my VA on the telephone and they were really supportive right from the start and I my first sw visit with then on the 2nd March. Even after going to the LA meeting, I still feel more comfortable and happy with the VA rather than the LA! So I think I will now probably go ahead with my VA, especially as I'm looking for a slightly older child and am open to some disabilities. I think I will go ahead with both for now and have both sw visits and see how I feel after those  

I'm so excited about the prospect of adopting but am still very nervous about having problems with my medical history and financial history, but for now the dream is still very much alive  

Hope everyone elses journeys are going well


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## kittykat1234

I know we have pm'd but re your medical history and financial, i honestly would try not to worry! Easy for me i know to say but you have made massive improvements in these areas and the sw will see that you have and are doing everything you can to make it all better and to learn from the past! Thats all you can do!

Be positive and open and honest and i am sure it will all be fine! Also with wanting an older child and being open to disabilities i think they will snap you up  

xxxx


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## Maccer

Hello,

I just wanted to echo what KittyKat has said, I would hope your sw'er would be understanding about your financial and medical concerns, I have read about how this process can make the strongest person doubt themselves and their eligibility, so try and keep the positive    thoughts going, I am sure everything will be fine. 

Mx


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## herbaltea

Hi again all and thank you so much for your messages of support  

Well today was my 1st home visit with my VA - definately going ahead with VA now   She arrived bang on time and was professional, understanding and above all very supportive!   The next step is for a 2nd visit with 2 Sw's and she will phone to arrange a time.......not sure how long it will take, but hope it isn't toooooooooo long! Then, they want to write to my GP and have an initial medical report sent to their medical advisor. If after that all is okay then I can formally apply. There is likely to be a 3 month wait to start assessment, but I can start home study after that and will be on octobers prep course   She is hoping that I would be approved by December or early next year   Heres hoping  

I also told her that I am more than willing and prepared for the waits ahead and said that I would hope to have a little one home with me in 2-3 years! She replied by saying that all being well, I could have a little one home by next summer!!!!!!!! So excited!  

Hope eveyone else is well and fine
x


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## kittykat1234

Fantastic- soooooooooooooo pleased for you!!

Next summer hey??      - how exciting      

I told you it would all be fine and positive!! xxx


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## mmmbop

Hi Herbal-t
What an exciting time, good luck with everything,shall be following your journey,

love M'bop
xxx


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## Maccer

Hi Herbaltea, very exciting time for you, I will definatly be following your journey,  I hope the sw is right and you have a little one home by summer next year,  everything sounds so positive on your side, hope your journey is smooth and quick.   .

Keep us informed.

Mx


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## herbaltea

Hello all - hope you're all well  

Last week was my 2nd VA initial visit with 2 sw's, one of whom I met the previous time. This visit felt more like an interogation if I'm honest and I was very uncomfortable, perhaps because there were 2 and it was just little me?!

The next step is now for a medical report to be collated and put to their medical advisor (due to 1 previous episode of ill health 4 years ago).......and this might take 'quite a while'!

So in the meantime......while I await a yes or no as to whether I can formally apply (please be a yes!)........I'm focusing on builiding my business and saving saving saving!  

Will update as soon as I know if I can proceed


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## Tegan-Marie

Hi Herbaltea,

Really hope it all goes well for you and that 'quite a while' isn't too long. Thats the hardest thing I've found so far with adopting, all the waiting.

i'm sure you did fine with your hv, just a bit intimidating being outnumbered..

Anyway hope your medical goes well and keep us updated

Tegan-Marie x


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## kittykat1234

Hey,

Good to see you back with us  

Thats definately the best you can be doing whilst you wait for the outcome.

Hope you are ok, and keep us posted!

I have just booked on a course through my LA " talking to adopted children about adoption" which i can't wait to go on as that is something i do worry about as it's sooooooooo important in their development and their identity etc! I am just gonna go on as much as i can and read as much as i can until training starts in sept to pass the time xxxx


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## herbaltea

Hi KK

Yep, needed a week off to recharge adoption batteries after my last sw visit!  

Your course sounds really interesting........and news on your 'wait'?
x


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## kittykat1234

No nothing yet  

It will be 2 weeks on tuesday and she said i would hear within 2 weeks but i am ok at the moment as i know i cant start the prep course till sept so i'm not in a huge hurry to hear from them as it's only to confirm i am being put forward.

How are you feeling now?

How is your mom about everything? xx


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## herbaltea

Hi all  

Just a little update..........I'm longing to get an answer back to find out if my medical reports are okay. Its now nearly been 6 weeks and I've heard nothing! 

So still saving saving saving in the hope I can formally apply soon


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## ❣Audrey

You must have the patience of a saint!  I hope you hear very soon xxx


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## kittykat1234

Any news yet Sorry i havn't been in touch, laptop has died and can't afford another one just yet as i want a super duper one next time so just gotta wait a little while!
I have been trying to come on on my phone but it's soooo hard to reply on here from my phone so just been reading posts.

Hope you are ok anyway and keep me posted xxx


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## herbaltea

Hi all

Can't believe its now been 2 months since my medical reports were asked for..........so I still don't even know if I can proceed with a formal application! I emailed them 2 weeks ago and got back a very short email basically saying they will contact me when they have news for me! I am trying so hard to be patient........overall its now been since February (initial enquiries) and I still don't even know if I can adopt! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!


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## kittykat1234

Hey,

I was thinking about you today!! Actually i do most days, wondering if you have heard anything!

I just can't beleive how long this is taking for you, you deserve a medal being so patient!!

I have everything crossed for you i really do!!

xxx


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## ❣Audrey

Thinking of you xxx


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## herbaltea

Hi all, a little update! Turns out after doing some chasing up that neither my gp or consultant have had any medical forms from my agency! So called my agency who said their medical advisor was asked to send the forms in march but for some reason hasn't! Likely slipped through the net!! So looks like I'm no further forward with still months of waiting!!!

Has to be said I'm rather upset!


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## herbaltea

Hi all...... 

Well after becoming disillusioned with the pro activeness of my va I've decided to pursue an application with my LA, having already been to their info day in february. 

Now awaiting a call for thier sw to visit to see if I can formally apply (but likely I'll need a prior medical report too)!

So the race is on - who will be the most efficient and give me the chance to find my family?!!


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## Maccer

Hi Herbaltea,

I am just catching up with everyone and am sorry to see that the medical forms weren't sent out when they should have been, I hope your LA can do better, let us know when you hear from them.  

Take Care,

Mx


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## ❣Audrey

I hope you hear from them soon chick xxx


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## herbaltea

Hi all

Well a quick little update from me! Still no news from my VA and I'm now losing patience!! I called my LA just over 2 weeks ago to reactivate my application with them but the sw that covers me was on hols! 

Anyway - finally got a call from my LA today and a SW visit booked for next thursday  I'm sure they will say I have to have an early medical report too before I can finally apply, but at least I feel I'm moving forwards not backwards. I explained to her my problems with the va and she said she'd try to be 'more efficient'!

I still can't believe my intitial enquries were 6 months ago - and I've got nowhere!


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## ❣Audrey

So glad you have a visit booked chick xxx


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## Maccer

That is shocking Herbaltea, but I do hope the LA is a lot better, Good luck for your initial visit, please let us know how it goes.

Take care

Mx


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