# Mother in law take over



## Mummy Noodles! (Mar 31, 2010)

Hi all, I haven't been on here for ages - mainly due to working 4 days and having no real difficulties with LO. We are nearly 2 years into placement and he has settled in really well. 


When I am working our LO is at Gran & Grandpa's. Gran tends to take over and spoil LO a bit. Over the last 2 years Ive kep't my distance and on occasion put my foot down! 


Anyway... at Easter she had prepared a lovely lunch and easter egg hunt for us all. They had put in a lot of effort. When at the dinner table our LO really didn't behave. He is 4 yrs old and can usually sit. However he was splatting his food and generally showing off. He said he wanted to go and play with his toys. I said he was stay where he was. Gran then said " It's my house and my rules he can get down if he wants!!!!!!" I was gobsmacked and said 'No, no you stay were you are." 


At that point Gran got up and went into the kitchen. I said to DH sort this out. So when his mum came back he said'Mum he's to stay at the table - that is our rules." Well she was fizzing and could barely speak to me the rest of the afternoon.   


The lunch was lovely and they'd obviously went to a lot of bother. So I did send a text that evening thanking them very much. 


However now I'm really annoyed that she thought she could say that. DH says she was just looking out for LO as he was upset . She really wouldn't have ment it  . Anyway ... he said he will talk to her about it at some point as he did feel undermined himself. I feel as though LO is becoming a spoilt brat as he has so much attention....


We are going on Summer hols with them and I really can't be bothered   I really miss and get upset about not seeing LO for the days I'm working. I's a balancing act all the time - Im shattered from working then it's the holidays and Ive got inlaws to deal with!!  


For some reason this all got to me this time...I'm so tired and anxious with dealing with it all. Started not sleeping at night and can feel myself sinking. Is this normal behaviour from them and me?? I think this situation is going to allow LO to act up and cause competition between us all  - this really worries me. My family live far away so that's not an option.   


I hate confrontation and perhaps Ive not 'managed' them enough. My SIL says that her Mum took over her kids and left her feeling rotton.


Any advice on how to deal with them(and LO) ?


Thanks! Noodles x


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

So sorry MIL are a mare at times hugs. I would personally try making it into a joke when she does it.  E.g. In a totally daft voice.  grandma is only joking she knows you need to follow mummy's and Daddy's  rules all the time. Then do a ott jokey cross face or something that you know makes lo laugh. Then quickly change the subject onto something neutral and complimentary How nice the food her dress anything.  

The only other option is to sit down and have a formal chat of I really care about you so have resisted raising this because I didn't want to cause upset and I know your intentions are good. However lo needs consistency / to know he always has tolisten to us etc. Good luck I hate a MIL drama xxx


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## Mummy Noodles! (Mar 31, 2010)

Thanks DIY Diva, I wil probably take the joke idea as that would be less confrontational and easier for me. However if it keeps going on I will need to talk to her. On reflection I think I'm a little jealous that she gets to spend time with LO while im working BUT she was out of order. My own mother would NEVER do that. 


Thankfully DH appears to be on my side.   


Cheers! Noodles xx


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Big hugs - she was out of order, especially as you'd already stated your rule.

We sometimes get the same trouble, but from the other direction.  It's completely beyond Bug to sit quietly at a table and wait for other people to finish, so we set certain standards but let him get down.  It's been really difficult in the past when family members have intervened and set their own standards he can't meet.  Hate that feeling with a passion!

Good luck!


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