# Damn emotions (again)



## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

Well thought I'd survived the s/e of clomid but as I am currently OVing, mixed with clomid and a mucked up sleep pattern I have been battling today to keep happy.

The thought of never ever having a child is getting more and more real and more and more scary - I really do not believe IVF will work when that comes round!  But I cannot imagine not ever having a child - the thought is just unbearable.

Why is it so easy for some and so impossible for others!

I wish I'd never found FF cause it'd mean I would have children and wouldn't of ever come across it!

I have become half the person I was because of IF and I am tired.

There isn't a day that goes by without thinking of a child of ours.

Half hearted hope is draining into dead silent thoughts cause I am too exhausted and drained to even try to hope again!

Today I haven't cried cause I am tired but I have wanted too.

No idea why I am typing this but I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve so trying to talk it out maybe!  Just damn emotions playing up so excuse me please!


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## Sushi (Oct 10, 2003)

Nikki, big hug coming your way   this could have been written by myself. Often feel exactly the same way.   It's so exhausting to always be optimistic. But I don't have the courage to give up. Find it scarier to stop than to carry on. And I'm very stubborn and not prepared to give in just yet  Sending you lots of positive vibes and strength          

Sushi xx


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

Nikki so sorry to see you are feeling like that.

I feel exactly the same not a day goes by when I don't dream of a child of our own.  On one hand I'm optermistic that when I start Clomid something may happen but I also beleive that it proably won't and nothing will. 

I'd love to have had one  to give me some hope but then the heartbreak of loosing a baby would prob also break me,

This whole IF thing is so rotten.  Why us??


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## Pickle_99_uk (Dec 12, 2005)

Hiya,

I just wanted to send you a big hug.  I thought Sushi put it well when she said that it could have been written by her.  I agree and feel the same way you do lots of the time.  Its so hard.  It leads to rows with Dh when i mention it.  It leads to frustration when i dont.  I never imaingined that this process could be so hard.  I want you to know that you are not alone and thanks for putting into words what alot of us are feeling.

Tracy xx


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

Thanks for your support ladies


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## alessandra (Jun 1, 2004)

Dear Nicky, I feel very very sad today because I am sure that I am m/c. AGAIN. And there is another pg lady in my office and everybody has babies and it was SO near this time.
But listen to this: WE WILL HAVE OUR FAMILY. Maybe we will have to resort to more technological stuff that our grandmothers (I am doing donor eggs, after a lot of search soul) or may be we will have to adopt. Or may be we will do 5 IVF instead of 1. But we will be there because are hearts are on it and we deserve to have a child because we can love. 

I wish you the best

aless


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

Nikki 
I have only just found this thread! 


I hope you are feeling a little brighter than when you first posted this, 
IF is a terible thing to have, why its us I don't know, after all these years you would think I was getting better at dealing with it, but I'm not.
I have bad days and sad days too 
I did not Ovelate on clomid, nor did I get to 2ww on either of my ICSI cycles
BUT Our turn will come.   
Please be strong

I too wear my heart on my sleave and feel weighed down with IF at times, but I set myself _small_ goals now, 
from a weekend away to the next appointment, its bl**dy hard to do but it helps.
PM me ANYTIME!

~Dizzi~


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## steph33 (Mar 11, 2006)

hi nikki 
ive just been reading bak on this thread 
 hope u are feeling a bit brighter now 
we all have our bad days and need to let off steam 
like u im ttc naturally for a while as i have been on clomid then on tamoxifen and need a break for all the tabs as they do play with ur emotions 
i do hope up are starting to feel the benifit ov not having all the tabs playing ur emotions 
take care steph


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