# My Fiance???



## K.Belle (Jan 11, 2012)

Hi All. 

I am new to all this so Im sorry if i dont use all the abbreviations  . 

Well, me and my partner are obviously trying for a baby have been for 7 years August. I have PCOS and he has a Low Sperm Count. 

We have been referred to the hospital for treatment and our appointment is on Monday.

We have been there before but at the time i was only 17 (23 now) and they would not help me other than telling me we needed ISCI treatment and the gyne basically said if you ever catch pregnant it would be a miracle and sent us away!!! I remember that every day like it was yesterday. that hurt! 

having had a laprascopy and dye test in the meantime as i was arguing i had emtedrious (sorry don't know how to spell it) my partner has had more tests and have all been very low. 

Sept last year we decided we would get our name on the list for IVF as i would be 23 in the December. this was all fine we could discuss this and we both seemed happy and began to prepare for it. His most recent test has been borderline! which is good news.

Now the appointment is Monday is like 4 days away he has been so off with me like he doesn't want the treatment but when i ask him he says he does. I have no idea what to do or think. You know when you just want someone to say "yea we will be ok" all i need is that but he not even do that, he responds "im not a doctor". He said that we cant talk about it and he can his collegues at work better, at the endof the day this is going to sound aweful but ive talked about it for 7 years, why is monday so far away and secondly the questions he asks me, have i been? no so how am i going to know and it gets all tense and start to argue.

it is killing me inside because all weve wanted for so long was a baby but now im thinking is it what i wanted or both of us wanted?? or is he just being and man and his way of handling all the pressure?

Please help me! any advice would be great  asking for a miracle xx  

P.S 

Smoking  - i have quit smoking but is it true that you have a test done before the treatment and if so why?


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

Hello K Bell - Firstly  , TTC is such a strain on any relationship, even the strongest relationships can  have days/weeks where you can feel very unconnected with your Other Half. 
From an outsiders point of view, not knowing yourself or your husband, it sounds quite possible that the reality of tx has him as scared/nervous and confused as you. 
I can only talk from me and my DH's own experience, whilst it's a generalisation I beleive alot of men (I'm NOT saying all) can withdraw into themselves as their coping method, women are more likely to want to talk and plan and share their emotions and need a bloomin' good   and   .
I think at times it's easy to loose sight of how hard this can be for the men too,  they are put into a situation where not oly do they have to face the realities of their own feelings around tx and any issues they may have, but often feel deeply responsible for not being able to 'save' their loved one from going through the drugs and emotional rollercoaster. 
My DH and I once had a very dark stage and row during the final failed stages of IUI where I told him I felt completely unloved, like I was going through this alone and that I didnt even know WHY I wanted his baby anymore. He never talked about tx and I'd felt at times like I was the only one working towards having a baby. He got very angry and stormed off but after an hour or so came back quite tearfull, he said it was more that he had no idea what he should say. He was scared to say anything incase it was the wrong thing, he didnt want to talk about our baby or plan for a future because he was worried if tx failed I'd blame myself and that by him seeming excited he'd be putting pressure on me. 

That one talk brought us so much closer together and helped me realise his avoidance and lack of interest had infact been nerves and misplaced attempts at being laid back  

We're now 6 weeks of starting tx and I know just why I want his baby


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## K.Belle (Jan 11, 2012)

Hey Bubble85

Thank you so much for your reply sorry i havent been able to get back to you sooner.

You was so right. We finally sat down and had a massive heart to heart we both shared tears .

We have made a pact to now say what we are feeling at the time whether good or bad so we dont end up like we did last time.

Thank you so so so much for your response  

We went to the consultant at the hospital yesterday and have funding etc now in place so now awaiting letter from Nuture and we are on our way. The hospital said it is very quick now.

We went for a celebration meal as feels like it had taken so long to get here and feel more stronger than ever now.

Thanks again and good luck babe xxxxxx[/color]


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

KBelle - So glad you were able to talk it all through hun   , this whole thing is so tiring and confusing at times, it's no wonder we all go a little   

Glad to hear you have your appontment now! Nurture is meant to be very good, I've heard some very  possitive things  

Let me know when you get your start date! we may even end up cycling together or near, I'm due to start April/May  

xx


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