# memories



## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

i just wondered how you all get on with memories from having your other children?i'm ttc my third my dd is 12,ds 6 and i'm 28.we've been ttc for 2.5yrs.i find it hard sometimes with all the memories.also when i look through all the old baby clothes it hurts.it realyl upsets me my kids getting older and everytime i sort out all the small and outgrown stuff i feel down.both my babies were early i had preeclampsia both times so was in the hospital a while both times.it was very hard esp as with my dd i was only 16,i just love being a mum and wish i could do it again.most everyone i know have just had children with no problems and to honest i'd really like to talk to some who know how i'm feeling.i'm fed up pretending i dont care and no one knowing whats going on.sorry turned into a bit of a rant just would appreciate a bit of feedback


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

Hi, 
I feel the same honey, i am desperate for a 2nd.  Went through so much to get my little boy and god knows how we will find the money for more treatment!  i dread hearing that my friends are having children, although i am happy for them it makes me so sad that all this doesnt come easy for us.  My little boy is two soon and he seems to be growing up so fast, really want a brother or sister for him.  I will feel so happy and blessed if we can just have one more !

Take care, 

Lyns xx


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## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

hi yes i wish i could be happy for others to insted of feeling bitter!its horrible.what treatment did you have for your son?it seems so unfair that often it comes down to money.its all i want another baby!i hope you find a way forward.tc x


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

Hi, we had icsi due to hubby low count, i didnt find the treatment bad at all, just the emotional side of it each time it doesnt work, took us a few attempts to get my little man.  All worth it in the end but so desperate for another.  It sounds really daft but i somehow dont feel like a complete family with just one child even though i am very gratefull and happy.  It doesnt help with everyone keep asking when we are gonna give our son a brother or sister, feel like shouting f**k off !!! ha x


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## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

i think i would save up to have a few more goes,you got there the first time so you know it can work.i know it will be worth all the tears if i finally get a bfp.i nearly died with my ds but would do it again in a heartbeat!i think you know when your families finished,my children are growing but i dont feel done.tc x


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

Yeh def gotta try all i can. We are trying naturally at the mo then will give the frozen embs a go in around 6 months if no joy, we can afford to try those but god knows how long it will take to save for icsi ! i am loosing my job soon so now also worrying how i can have treatment whilst working for another company, i can hardly tell people i want a job but i will need time off because i want a baby, god what a mess !!! xxx


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## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

fingers crossed for you!its very hard when money has to get involved,i hope you get your work sorted.i really wish i could have ivf soon as i dont want to waste time and i'm just getting older!i really hope to have another before 30,i'm finding this the hardest thing i've ether done but i know i want to go all the way and do all i can.
take care


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

I wish i was 29!, i will be 34 this year which it still a good age i suppose for treatment.  Me and hubby had a good discussion yesterday as i was in tears again like a clown because my friend txt me to say she was expecting her 2nd in October.  i explained to him that i was so unhappy and sick of feeling the way i do and he was really nice, we have agread that as soon as i have sorted a job we will start with treatment, using the frozen embs first and then moving on to icsi if need be.  I do feel so selfish at times because i know so many woman are desperate to have just one healthy child.  i guess we just cant help how we feel can we.  before i had Harry i can remember reading about a woman who was desperate for a 2nd child and i can remember crying and thinking 'for gods sake woman just be greatfull for having one'
little did i know that i would be feeling exactly the same! i dont know in a way if its just because we know how wonderful it is or its just a case of wanting something that we cant have very easily.  Either way i have to give it a good go because at the moment i really cant see me getting over this, it's destroying me as a person.  I am so greatful and over the moon to have my beautiful little man but i just need to have my 2nd to return to the happy go lucky person i used to be.  Hope things are good with you xx


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## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

hi i'll be 29 in july but know many women in their late 30s/40s who are ttc and having trouble.i feel guilty as i have 2children but you cant help how you feel.i feel like i've lost myself its really getting me down and i want to enjoy my family.i am pleased i have hopefully got a few more years to conceive,you've got plenty of time yet,34s still young.you've got something to work toward aswell which is good.i was unable to continue with clomid this month as my blood results werent back in time so having a bit of a setback!
working on losing weight at the moment as i'm feeling really fat and unhealthy.heres looking to the future,x


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

Yeh i am on a diet too, been eating loads because i have been so down - well thats my excuse anyway! 
Its good news that you are at least starting some treatment even if it has been delayed a little, i take it you have a little trouble ovulating? sorry to be nosey its just nice to know what issues are involved with the person you are chatting to if you know what i mean!  29 is a fantastic age, i didnt have my first go at icsi till i was nearly 30, infact i had a party for my 30th whilst on the dreaded tww!
I wish our treatment only involved clomid to be honest, the thought of ICSI again scares me to death! although i am sure for you the clomid is a nightmare.  my doctor prescribed that to me at the start of our treatment to make me a bit more fertile but that was obviously before they found out that the issue was with my husbands sperm

Good luck to you chicken xx


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## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

hi,no its not nosy you just dont always remember to say all the details everytime! i do ovulate we seem to have unexplained infertility,i've been given clomid as a boost.i cant imagine how hard it is with further treatment,it sounds awful and very hard as a woman. i know there are no guarantees and i know it didnt happen first go for you but it did happen,so it can happen again.its hard to keep your spirits up but it can happen.i'm at the stage now where i'll do whatever we're even considering adoption in the future,i just have a lot more love to give and really hope i get the chance!
do you know when you start your treatment yet?i really hope it works for you take care xx


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

hi, i am just waiting to sort out a part time job as i am being made redundant shortly.  I need to secure a job as we are probably going to have to add some money onto our mortgage to pay for the treatments.  fortunately we bought our house years ago so we only have a little mortgage, all our savings went paying for treatment to get our little boy so we are skint at the mo and i havent worked full time since having Harry so i am only earning half the money i used to and i dont want my poor husband to have to use all his wages just to pay the bills!!!
adoption is also on my mind, i thinks it wonderful but my husband isnt so keen!
Hubby has started to make some lifestyle changes as in stopping the **** etc and taking some vits so we are praying for a natural mirical if possible although it is prob a long shot!  fingers crossed you get that lovely baby in your arms soon, i know it may not make you feel better but at least they havent found any problems with you which could mean you can achieve a pregnancy hopefully.  There are loads of woman in here that have eventually fallen pregnant when they have unexplained infertility.
NEVER GIVE UP HOPE XXX


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## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

hi yes we may add money to our mortgage for ivf but we have big mortgage!sounds like a great use of savings to get your little boy.i havent worked since having my dd and even then it wasnt for long as i had her at 16,so i've no qualifications.
i dont want to go to work as i dont want my ds in childcare,my dh works very hard and we thought we'd have another baby by now for me to care for,we avoid the subject of me working it would seem so final,work and no baby.i do feel bad for not working sometimes i'm just not brave enough at the moment!
thanks for the hope!i havent given up yet.i have also heard of peopla having success with herbs,diet and acupuncture improving a low count.we have friends who told us the other day they tried for 4yrs were told he would probably never father children and theyd have to have donor sperm,4months later on a last holiday before ivf she found out she was 2months pregnant.so miracles do happen.stay strong xx


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

yeh i know sometimes a low count can be improved but we never seem to have any luck with anything so i just cant see us being one of those couples that get a suprise pregnancy if you know what i mean.  i guess i am just feeling sorry for myself, life just seems so unfair sometimes doesnt it.  i have never been bothered about a posh house or car etc just always wanted a family to love thats all, thank god i have my little boy!!  me and my hubby have been together 15 years and for 10 of those i was on the pill and we were always so carefull, if only we knew ha ha ! we didnt try for a family until  a few years after getting married, we enjoyed our little dog, going out and nice holidays etc and never once did it bother me that friends or family were having children, i just used to be happy for them and never thought about it.  Then as soon as we started trying and discovered we had problems conceiving i became obsessed and now i dread finding out about people getting pregnant.
Anyway lovely we MUST stay positive and both believe that it will happen again for us, just keep thinking to yourself that you are still young and have many years yet ahead of you for it to happen.
I just wanna add one more to my brood so that Harry has a brother or sister and then i want to move on and enjoy my life and my kids, if i get broody again after that i am having a puppy ha ha xx
Take care chicken, Lyns xx


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## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

yes i cant see myself having a suprise pregnancy either,it never seems to happen to me.life is unfair i know,we just have to love our children we have and work towards the goal of another.its normal to have down days and i also dred hearing of bumps.i'm also obsessed but i feel quite jealous sometimes and i wish i could just look at babies and smile or not notice.we've been together 13yrs and have had many trying not to get pregnant.we had our dd straight away so have never had time alone.like you i just wanted a family,i dont care about new cars,ipods,expensive items thats not what really matters in life. i just thought it would happen!i wish i'd started ttc earlier but its not something i can change.i wish that i really wanted a puppy and then i'd see puppys everywhere!love the puppy idea!if i eventually get my third and its not to prem and if i dont get preeclampsia again to bad i will probably try to have another straight away,if i left it any longer and then got broody i couldnt go through this again
i'm feeling quite positive at the moment,keeping busy and trying very hard not to drink alcohol and not eat to much i really want to be slimmer this summer.take care x


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

God 4 kids.....as much as i love them and dearly want another i dont think i could cope, financialy or physicaly !!! ha ha.
Two will be enough for me (hopefully!) especially due to my age and size of my house te he but i can understand the desire you have for more.

Good luck xx


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## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

fingers crossed this will be our year!i'm sorting out the house about to go through the loft all those baby clothes!i'll have a good cry.
xx


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

it does make you sad when you have a sort through the baby things but hopefully they will come in again xx


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## squish (Apr 12, 2010)

hi, i know exactly what you mean, it seems that all i ever wanted was to be a mum & have lots of kids, after several miscarraiges & being told i would probably never have kids i thankfully had my son who is now nearly seven, had a wonderful pregnancy but the birth was a nightmare and i remember none of it, also didnt enjoy the early years as much as i would have liked due to a very controlling husband, am now with a lovely man who has no kids of his own and we really want kids but i have now lost both my tubes to ectopic and apparently wont get on nhs because of having my son, i feel like crying every time my friends have babies but have to put a brave face on as none of them understand plus i dont like to complain all the time because i do have a gorgeous little boy ( who is growing up way too fast) but the older im getting the more it is getting to me, if there are any of you that ever feel like a chat message me please as i dont talk about this to anyone and it would be nice to have people in a similar situation to chat to x x


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

aw squish, i know exactly how you feel.  This nhs funding is a disgrace, we only got one free go even though they admit themselves that the average attempt is 3 before a positive pregnancy is achieved.  I dont think it should make any difference if you have a child, if you have two or three children fair enough but especialy not if you wish to have a baby with a new partner....is there any chance of you perhaps saving for treatment? we are gonna have to take equaty release on our house to fund further treatment but luckily we purched our house years ago so we are lucky enough to only have a small mortgage, it is all so unfair sometimes.  Just remember there are many of us out there in the same situation although the only people i know going through the same is the people on here!
Even though it is so upsetting that we may struggle to get another child we must all remember how blessed we are to have healthy little monkeys.
Chin up sweetie,

Lyns xx


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## Guest (Apr 27, 2010)

Hi, hope you don't mind me jumping in.  We thought we were going to just have our amazing little DS, but am now pg after ICSI (had to be self funded).  It has been a real rollercoaster to get this far, but worth it.  For a few reasons this lo will have to be my last and i always wanted a bigger family so i do worry how i will get on getting rid of this ones things when the time comes and will i always be wanting more - i really hope not as i know how very lucky we are.

I was really just wanting to say to Squish - are you sure about the funding?  I know it is very different in different areas, but a friend was going to get funding even though her OH already has a DD.  I'm not exactly sure how that all works but definitely worth looking into/appealing if not.  I also think it is a very natural thing you are feeling so try not to be too heard on yourself.

Kate x


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## squish (Apr 12, 2010)

thanks both of you, not 100% sure about the funding yet but it doesnt look very promising and going private isnt a likely option as my oh is already having to try to get a bigger mortgage as i only work part time, have seen the info on the egg sharing on here and contemplating whether it may be worth going that route, my oh has said that if it doesnt happen hes happy to just have me & my little man or possibly even adopt so will just keep exploring the options. wishing everyone loads of luck xx


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## lyns76 (Nov 14, 2009)

many congrats kate A !!! xxx, the rollercoaster is all worth it in the end x


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