# anyone else feeling extremely low after a BFN



## popsickles1 (Jun 13, 2011)

Had my bfn today......and theres no medicine for this pain.....feeling so alone.......cant get thoughts out of my head on how im gonna get through all this hurt......noone seems to understand.......just keep getting told that people are praying for me (prayer what a load of rubbish god doesnt exist.....god is satan). Im in such a lonely horrible and frightening place.......


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## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)

Awww hun, BFN's do suck, big time. I should know having getting them for the past 10 years    


I'm sure that you will get LOADS of replies of others that feel/felt exactly the same after their BFN    People do say silly things when bad things happen, because they can't find the right words to say


Can I make a suggestion tho, can I change the wording that this post has a a title, just a little bit


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## cohensmummy (Aug 24, 2011)

Hi hun, I'm so sorry to hear how you are feeling. I dont have any words that will make any difference but want you to know that people do care, I'm feeling low at the min too (waiting for a mc to arrive after a BFP) so you really ain't alone in how you feel. Sending you lots of hugs and hope you learn to Coe with this pain quickly xx


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## popsickles1 (Jun 13, 2011)

Yes change the wording by all means but that is how im feeling


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## minkey114 (Nov 10, 2010)

Popsickles - the biggest of       to you that I can possibly give, it is utterly devestating and there are no words I can say to make it right...all I can say is let it out and it has only just happened, take it one day at a time and don't be hard on yourself.....

This whole thing is terribly unfair and devestating for us....but you will cope - (as harsh as it sounds) because you have to, please knew what we are all here for you  - and know how you feek to a greater or lesser extent, I have never felt suicidal but have (and do feel) very very low and the   just keep on coming.

Have you got friends and family who can give you a real hug and support?

I'm so terribly sorry hun x x x


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## popsickles1 (Jun 13, 2011)

My family are all 'babied' up...my siater had a little girl last sat.....ALL of my friends have children.....to them my bfn is just 'oh well try again'......but fir ne trying again is very exoensive.......


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## dinkydott (Feb 18, 2011)

hi pop, im so sorry to hear your news, and i am so sorry, iv been there, 4 months back,i got my bfn, and it was so painfull, i didnt no where to turn, 
but hunni, you might not think it now or want to hear this, but everyday is a healer, take one day at a time, dont be to hard on yourself, be with your dh, men dont offen show how they feel or they dont no how deal with us ladys but belive me, he will be your rock,
it still so fresh for you, right now, you can move on and you will feel better in time,
im on to my next cycle next month, didnt think i would be saying this but i cant wait, and it proves how much of a rollercoster ivf can be, i sending you a big cyber hug, and if you need to talk ff is  such a good place to be, scream rant or cry, be strong you can get through this,   

girls say things to try and help and as time goes on you will look back and see that they are there for you, some girls prob not been where you are today, so dont no what to say, untell you in this dark place only then they understand, xx


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## poppy 29 (Jan 26, 2011)

Popsickles just wanted to send plenty of   no one shud have to feel the way you do, I do understand I have felt low like you not just froma fertility view but other reasons and it's very difficult and you do feel alone, have u seen ur gp? Maybe counselling would help I know sometimes hospitals have fertility councillors that can try to not get over ur bfn but to help you through

I hope you feel better soon lovely

Poppy x


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## popsickles1 (Jun 13, 2011)

Thank u everyone....my dh dragged me to my go....im signed off sick and he gave me sum sleeping pills.....im going to see the fert counsellor mon.....im being oathetic.....i kbow....im just absolutely devastated........


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## minkey114 (Nov 10, 2010)

You are not being pathetic at all - you are quite rightly devestated


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## dinkydott (Feb 18, 2011)

pops your in no way being  pathetic, its how you feel, and good to get it of your chest, good that you went to your gp, and seeing your fertility counsellor, is showing that you can move 4ward, 
try and have a early night tonight, you are prob so drained emotionally,


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## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)

I told you there would be plenty of girls feeling your pain    I hope you can take some comfort that you are not alone in feeling how you do, BTW there wouldn't be any right or wrong ways to feel/cope while you go through this.
It is a type of bereavement that you will need to go through and I hope you can see from others that have posted that you will get through it, in your own time and way   





having someone so close having a baby will be making this whole thing worse for you. My nieces are now having children of their own so I know how hard it is to discuss your feelings with those who you think you should be able to


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## sabah m (Jul 11, 2008)

Dear popsickles


While I know I am truly blessed to be a mum, I felt the same feelings you described in original title after my BFNs.....there is nothing that can take the ache and pain away, but I promise over time it does lessen.  What helped me was having someone I could just keep crying to, who i could keep repeating all the reasons i felt let down.  I am a Christian and have my faith but it was deeply tested as I felt i had signs from God it would work.  Honey, all I can say is there are plenty of women on here who have had multiple cycles before a successful pregnancy.  if we all allowed the BFN to put an end to our dreams we would be wrong!  I don't know your situation financially but one BFN does not mean it is all over by any means.  I am even more desperate now i have a child to have another; when I got my last BFN I fantasised about my son dying as I felt that was the only thing that would take the agony of him being an only child away.....sick but its how I felt.  I am having my last go now, we cannot afford any more debt and it will be monstrous if it doesn't work but what else have we got but hope?      Hope the counselling helps, in the mean time keep posting, it does help xxxxxxx


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## popsickles1 (Jun 13, 2011)

I am (was) a christian....but im never stepping foot inside that church again....a fellow chrisyian a mum of two once said to me god will is gods will......why is it gods will to inflict pain.....make me watch all my friends havd their little bundles of jou....including my sister....  My counsellor told me to stay away from harmful situations.....hence ive been stuck at home for 4 weeks now....i do not know a single person without children......im very very lonely.. ..And its the loneliness thats the most difficult.....im bored with my life......ive shut out my friends......im just so alone......


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## Shellebell (Dec 31, 2004)

Well we are all cyber friends on here, and never alone


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## Debs (Mar 22, 2002)

Oh Popsickles  

Today must be so hard for you - but as shellebell says - your definately not alone.

We are all here to hold your hand along this journey as we all know how much this all hurts.

I hope tomorrow you find the strength to do something rather than sit and think - even if you just go for a walk.

Your hurting so bad - and quite rightly so - but do come and have a rant on here - we will all be here for you.

One day things will be brighter - it may take a bit of time but it will one day - just stay strong  

Love

Debs xxx


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## poppy 29 (Jan 26, 2011)

Popsickle

Don't be so hard on yourself hun, we all here for u, I too feel lonely in this ttc all my friends have kids my best friend has 3 and everytime she text me and told me she was pregnant my heart actually hurt I wanted it to be me I am godmother to one of her children and she said she chose me as she knows the struggles I'm going thru and wanted me to be godmother

I always say I'm not a nasty person at all and don't know what iv done to deserve all this heartache and pain but I guess well never know why some people have to go thru this, ur a strong lady i know u think ur not but u really are, am glad ur hubby took u to gp and that ur going to see a councillor I hope they can help u come to terms with things and look forward to the future and u need ur sleep lack of sleep is not good

Take care lovely pm me anytime if u want to chat

Ps love ur name my guinea pig is called poppy and I sometimes call her popsickle!

Poppy x


Poppy


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## sabah m (Jul 11, 2008)

Sweetheart, I don't know how to answer, but it is NOT GOD's WILL that perfectly suitable loving people do not get to be parents while abusive arses get to father / give birth to multiple children they neither have the time for or care about.  The so called Christian who gave you that advice was very poorly informed and should be shot, insensitive    There are some things we will just never understand as you well know.  You are not alone, even if you have cut out others.     I am hurting for you, it sounds like we all are.  Some ffs have met up, do you want to give an idea of where you live, I am sure someone would meet up with you.  I am in south London xxx


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## popsickles1 (Jun 13, 2011)

I am in birmingham x x x


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## dinkydott (Feb 18, 2011)

pops sweeti, how are you feeling this morning,
did you get much sleep,  xx


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## popsickles1 (Jun 13, 2011)

I did get a bit of sleeo but still woke up at 5 .....eben.with thr slerpibg pills i csnt sleep throughout the night.


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## dinkydott (Feb 18, 2011)

was you like that while waiting to test, i found that my sleep patten was all over the place, it wil prob take a while for tablets to kick in,  is dh off work with you, xx


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## popsickles1 (Jun 13, 2011)

Thank u everyone....atm i cannot see how i can enjoy life again......couldnt even be bothered to wash n dress this morning.......im sure tonorrow will be easier....


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## dinkydott (Feb 18, 2011)

sweeti, no harm in slogging around, pj day is good, it hobble and wet out side anyhow, 
have you got a date for your follow up, when i went to my one it felt like a weight had been lifted, just my talking to clinic,
i had a list of qs and dont be worried to ask them any thing and every thing you want answers to,
i was in there for a hr or so, but in the end the out come was they just didnt want to stay, and that word i hate luck, (roll of the dice)trouble is this is one game i hate,


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## MJ1 (Aug 8, 2011)

Hi Pops,

I felt compelled to write to you. I too had my BFN at Christmas, probably the worst time to ever cycle and I don't recommend it, it totally spoilt our Christmas, plus my dad had a heart attack 2 weeks before Christmas and we spent Christmas Day at the hospital after his quadruple heart bypass operation, the following day was my test day (Boxing Day) I was in tears. DP and I just held each other and sobbed! it was awful and I never want to go through that again.  

I am having a year out, I had 3 cycles last year, Feb BFN, Oct abandoned and Dec BFN. Think I need to give myself a break.

Going to get off the treadmill and try and get back to some sort of normality and have a nice holiday instead of giving £ssss to Fertility Clinics. 

I do hope that you feel better soon. Each day I just try and concentrate on the good things that I do have in my life. Yes a baby would be just fantastic, we will have to wait and see.  

Take care and we are all here for any support or help..
Love MJ1 xxxxx


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## popsickles1 (Jun 13, 2011)

Not sleeping well....keep waking early. Its only hslf 5. Even yook sleeping pill before bed....im torturing myself.......i cant go oit the gouse in.fear of seeing prams n pushchairs. Every other advert is eith cute little babies on it. How can i go on like this.


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## sabah m (Jul 11, 2008)

While you remain in hiding honey nothing is going to feel any different.  Give yourself a deadline after which you have to go out, even if for just one small thing like grocerys.  You might not be tiring yourself out enough for sleep so take a walk.  Yes you will see babies and adverts etc and yes it will sting......so cry, there have been enough times I have started shedding tears in the street, but at least you will be out getting some fresh air on your skin.      You will go on, baby or not you will survive this!!!  There will be days when you will feel happy and content and days when you will feel the whole world is pointless, I guess all suffering with infertility have to accept this is how things will always be for us xxx


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## flowersinthewindow (Sep 21, 2010)

Hi Popsickles, how are you feeling today? Have you got much support from family/ friends? I am thinking of you and sending you the warmest thoughts. Keep talking, to us, to anyone you trust to look after you. I believe that what you are feeling will pass and you will feel better one day.

I think I know a little of how you feel. I am struggling too at the moment. 


Take care of yourself because you are precious

Flowersinthewindow


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## angela123 (Feb 15, 2010)

Popsickles, I have just read your thread...... 
And I know that it feels like nobody knows how you are feeling.......Is this your first cycle?...this might sound a bit odd but if it is then its your first BFN,  In my eyes strangely I felt that was the lowest point that I have ever been through for me , because in a way if you have had crushing disappointment/ devastation of BFN before you KNOW in time.....days, weeks, months it does get better...the pain eases and you can pull through....but the 1st time it feels like there is no way that the pain will lessen and you don't know if it ever will........ We are all strong wonderful women on here....don't be afraid of going to meet people, family..I found being honest and telling how I felt and that i was needing help was the only way I could get on the the 1st few weeks.....don't be afraid of asking for help.....and saying how you feel even it makes people uncomfortable (I had plenty of friends/family looking at there shoes not knowing what to do or say!).....the people who love you will help I am sure......And I promise it will get better....


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