# hello i'm new^



## skyisblue (Apr 5, 2007)

Hi, I'm new. 

My wife and I have been married for nearly three years and been ttc for the same length of time. After eighteen months we went to our GP and were referred for fertility treatment. It began with me giving a sperm test which I got the results for at my GPs, she told me I was infertile and according to the test wouldn't be able to have children. Then having a consultation with the fertility clinic they told me that wouldn't be the case and two tests later I was told my sperm were only slightly below the level they should be and for different reasons. My wife had her checks, her ovulation score wasn't perfect but again we were told it was only by a small margin, her tubes were checked and were OK. Any other tests we took were OK. My wife(DW?) is overweight and is trying hard to lose it, but this is proving difficult. I have given up alcohol, drink very little caffeine and take supplements (zinc,selenium etc). We are still trying to conceive naturally but as soon as my DW gets to the required weight we will probably try for IVF?

I guess I joined FF because it is difficult to talk to people and when you do they don't want to know. I also get ostracised (sp?) in social situations when I am not drinking alcohol, I have been honest about why I am not drinking but it is met with little sympathy and even abuse. People in general have little knowledge (including me before this) about fertility, even friends that have had difficulty conceiving suggest different sexual positions and one rubbed my DW stomach saying 'you'll be up the duff soon'. 

We haven't allowed infertility to take over our lives, the first year we were trying we were extremely relaxed and planned for nature to take it's course. Everyone tells you not to get stressed which I don't think we are too bad but after trying for this length of time and we still want a baby you can't help having some stress.

I'm hoping and can already see that I will get support here and will be able to learn more about our situation. In return I would like to offer support to everyone else. Good luck whatever your situation, I hope you all get what you want and if not can be happy with your life anyway.

Kevin


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## Polly1976 (Apr 4, 2007)

Well done you for joining, I admire your honesty. 

I only become a member yesterday and have already found some comfort, it is so much easier to type away and express your feelings to strangers than talk face to face with people.

I worry about my hubby not talking enough (usually I talk for both of us!! ) maybe he should join too! 

Good luck


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## crazycat4 (Feb 21, 2007)

Hello Kevin
I wish you lots of luck on this bumpy road that is called infertility. We have been trying for 4 years now.Weve had the crazy pills and then 2 unsuccessful attempts at IVF,last one in March. We havnt given up yet I think the next time will be our last as its so expensive.
Best wishes


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## smiler (Aug 18, 2004)

Hi Kevin,
Welcome to fertility friends I am a newbie to this site as well.
The feelings you and your dw have had are completely normal and understandable and it is true that unless you are going through this process or are having problems with ttc the only people who truly understand are the ones who have been through the same process   
This is a great site and I just dropped by to say welcome
Luv Jo xx


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## samblue (Apr 5, 2007)

Hi Kevin, I must say it's interesting to hear a man's point on view, my DH says very little about the whole subject, I have to bring it up if there is something that we need to talk about!  
I wonder if the whole male-ego (sorry, don't mean to sound sexist, I'm not anything-ist, just can't think of another way of putting it!) thing, having to appear strong and in control, and the pressures of 'male-ness', mean that it's not something that men are comfortable talking about with their partners or each other.  Mind you, it's only the last four years or so (out of 10 years trying) that I've been able to talk to my girl-friends and sister-in-law.  Its a very emotive subject and people's personal experiences are often difficult to share.
I think being on here will do you the world of good, i think it will be a good resource for knowledge, not to mention a great support network!  I think you should maybe try to ignor/distance yourself from those that wind you up, or you could confront them and tell them that they're not funny, or you may find that they're actually trying to help but in their ignorance are not getting it right - only you can judge that!
Don't let them grind you down, keep communicating with your lady and remember that you're both people and not just a machine for making babies!
Take care and good luck, sam xx


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## skyisblue (Apr 5, 2007)

Thanks everyone for your support, it helps to hear some empathy.
I also feel very humbled as I can see we have been through nothing compared to some of you.
I worry about IVF because there is no guarantee it will work, it's expensive and I imagine the emotional drain must be awful. The feeling each month when my wife gets her period is bad but with all the expectation of IVF and what you have to go through I can't imagine the pain.
As a man I feel inadequate that my sperm is not as good as it could be and I might be responsible for us not being able to conceive. I have tried all I can to improve the sperm but ultimately feel helpless. 
Because you want a baby doesn't mean you should have one but with all the commitment and devotion displayed on this site I'm sure everyone deserves what they want.


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## Cath R (Mar 31, 2007)

Hi Kev

I feel for you and your DH. My hubbie (not sure of the code!) is the same as your DH, says very little and does not want to talk about it, in fact when l mentioned this web site and that l had joined he did not understand at all.  

I am a new member and find all the support so helpful.  

Good luck and welcome.

Cath


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## *shelly* (Jan 26, 2007)

Hi Kevin,

Its so nice to see a man on here and to have an insight into how men feel about trying for a baby. Me and my husband are in a similar situation to you at the moment. We always assumed that the problem was with me. While it partly still is, my husbands sperm test results have come back very poor too. He has only had one done so far and we have booked a private one for next tuesday. Depending on how that one goes, he'll be having another one with the NHS......lucky him! He hates it. 

I was worried at first as i was really upset but he didn't really say anything. I thought he didn't care. So its so nice to hear your story as its given me some idea of how he may be feeling. We are trying to be positive at the moment as we cant really rely on just one sperm test. I dont think you should be so hard on yourself, your results have shown an improvement. 

A lot of people are successful with IVF, but i understand your concern. I too am really worried about going down this route, as the cost can easily spiral out of control. My hubands sperm count was under 2 million, which i think they class as infertile, but the doctor still said this is more than enough to conceive its just a lot harder. Therefore we both still can have some hope of a natural pregnancy, and this is what helps me.

You will finds lots of support on here, and i'd love to hear how you're getting on. 

Good luck, Michelle x


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## missyb (Mar 19, 2007)

hello kevin! and welcome to the site. ive only been on for a couple of weeks and already ive 'met' some lovely people and gained loads of information and support. it's good to get a mans perspective as i know that from a personal view i sometimes get so wrapped up in what i'm feeling i 4get about what my dp is going through. i'm sorry your friends are less supportive. it seems to be the same for men as well as women! arrrrrgh. anyway ur in the right place.


amanda xx


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## Kathryn Emma (Oct 22, 2006)

Hi Kevin,
I think you are brilliant and brave for coming along to this site. I'm absolutely sure you will get a lot of support but it really can't have been easy for you.
Our problem is different to yours but the thing in your email that really struck me was the comment people make about "try not to get stressed and it'll happen".
DH and I were so laid back for the first two years, we truly were. Nothing happened in that time so we thought, time to investigate. From there we have done all the tests and four years down the line our case is "unexplained".
"Stressed", yes I'm bloody stressed and with good reason! And NO, people telling me not to get stressed doesn't lower my stress levels AT ALL! I guess they don't know what else to say, but to honest, I'd rather they said nothing.

Sorry for that rant but your comment really did hit a raw nerve.

Your lovely wife is very lucky to have a DH that is open to expressing how he feels and constructively dealing with his emotions.

I wish you both every success

Kathryn xx


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## Georgie-Girl (Apr 6, 2007)

Hi Kevin,

Welcome to the board from a fellow Newbie! 

It is nice to hear a man's point of view on the subject.  I can also sympathise with you about comments made by friends etc - I'd be rich if I got a penny evertime someone has told me "relax, don't think about it and it will happen".  Still haven't worked out how that is possible!  How can you not think about it??

Good luck to you and your DW - I hope all your dreams come true in the end.  

Love George xxx


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Hi *Kevin* and welcome to FF 

You have definitely found the right place for support, advice and understanding. It is good to have another male member on board! The other blokes will be pleased  

Sorry to hear of your troubles TTC Kevin, infertility is such a long journey, but I hope that you and your DW get your dream  . Maybe you can persuade her to join us too?

Anyway, I will leave you a couple of links to some of our boards you may find interesting. Feel free to post anywhere you like on fertility friends you will be made very welcome.

For Male Factor Infertility *CLICK HERE**

For The Mens Room CLICK HERE

For Complementary Therapies CLICK HERE

We also have a fantastic chatroom - it is often good to talk to people who really understand you  Every Friday night is NEWBIE NIGHT in the chatroom, and Dizzi Squirrel, Kate and I will be in there from 8pm to 9pm to show new members the ropes and answer any questions. I hope you can join us. Don't worry if you can't make it - if you want some help just send Dizzi Squirrel  or myself a personal message and we can arrange a short one2one session with you.



I know there are special "mens chat nights" Kevin, you can find the details in the link above.

Take good care and I look forward to seeing you around the boards

Love and 
Tracy
xx*


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## KG (Jan 13, 2007)

Kevin, I just wanted to reply to you as my DH and I were in a similar position to you. The GP told my DH that his test results were very low. My DH didn't say much, but I know he felt it very badly. When we were referred, the consultant at the clinic seemed unconcerned with the levels and said that we were OK to go ahead and have tx. I have to admit that when we went for our first round of IUI I was still convinced they'd say it wasn't good enough to be able to go ahead. However, the embryologist made a point of showing us the results and saying that it was a very good sample - you can imagine how great my DH felt! Anyway, the point of this story is to say that we went on to get a BFP. 

I know everyone's situation is different, but thought a positive story might help you. I'm sure your DW feels very lucky to have a husband as supportive as you. 

Take care, 
KG


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi kevin and welcome to the site 

Its lovely to see some men join as i know its not always easy for you to talk about infertility problems.

This is a fantastic site with plenty of support and advice and you have been left some great links to try.

Good luck with everything.

Kate xx​


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## jimjam (Apr 5, 2007)

Hi , I'm another new member.

My partner had cancer and 8 months of chemotherapy, we were told that his sperm count would never come back, but it did, albeit very low. Anyway, I believe his healthy diet has contributed to this. As it was still very low we were advised to have ICSI, 2 failed attempts, but we were astonished to find out that the problem is now with me- elevated NK cells & TH1/TH2 issues + Factor V leiden clotting issue. I have had 1 unconfirmed very early miscarriage achieved naturally, my point is never give up, keep healthy and strong.

Can anyway give any advice on Humira, very concerned about taking this drug, can I not achieve the same results naturally with Fish oil !!? (something I've read) I have been told to take the usual aspirin, heparin and cetaxne + steroids. Has anyone with my problems achieved a pregnancy without using the controversial drug humira? Just about to embark on FET and want to give it the best possible chance.  

Sorry I need to get into the abbreviations. Would also like to say what a great forum this is, I never thought I would join the chat room, but you are all truly inspirational.

JJ


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## BubblyJules (Apr 9, 2007)

Hi Kevin,

Good to hear a guy's perspective.  I'm going to get my DH to read your story when he comes home from work.  I met him 4 years ago, he had already been married, was in the process of a divorce.  When we first met, I asked him if he had any kids.  Then he told me his story of several years of IUI, ICSI & IVF, with no success. He had been diagnosed with Anti-sperm antibodies.  One of the doctors told him that he had no chance conceiving naturally.  He told me all this the 2nd day I met him.  You'd think that would have put me off with a past like that.  There was just something special about him, and there was a real chemistry between us .  I have always been a very maternal person, and always saw myself in the future having a big family.  We both fell for each other hook, line and sinker.  In Aug 05 we were married, and have been ttc since then.  We went back to the docs in Nov 05, had a test done on DH,  the antibodies were still there, even higher than before.  the Doc put us straight on the waiting list.  We are due to start our first IUI this month. 

I know that he has all the same feelings that you have described.  It seems that men with out any problems don't want to know when he tries to talk .  Even some of his own family aren't that supportive  .  People have also made cruel jokes to him, and tried to make light of the situation,  " kids aren't the end of the world" & " They just give you grief all the time".  That's easy to say for people who have them!!  He is such a great person and we make a great couple.  I have to reassure him that I will stay by his side through these difficult times 
Just wanted to let you know there are other guy's out there, with the same problems.

Take care


Julie


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## crazycat4 (Feb 21, 2007)

Hi there
I just thought id tell you my sisters story. Her husband had very low sperm count they were told they could never conceive naturally. They accepted this fact and got on with their lives.When they had been married 9 years my sister found out she was Pregnant! This was their miracle Son. Three years later she fell pregnant again!! She now has two gorgeous boys. So you see it only takes One good swimmer  
Good luck with your IUI XX


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## ladyleanne (Apr 12, 2007)

HI IM NEW 2 AND TOTALY KNOW WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM.. IM OVER WEIGHT AND GOT PUT ON NHS WAITING LIST WAITED 4 1 YEAR TO BE TOLD I NEED 2 HAVE BODY MASS INDEX 30 AT MOMENT 39.. SO AM NOW LOOSING WEIGHT . BUT WOULD ADVISE U 2 GO PRIVATELY IF POS AS THEY SHOULDNT REFUSE UR WIFE .. GOOD LUCK.. AND PLEASE CONTINUE TO STAY ON HERE SO NICE 2 SE NOT JUST WOMEN HERE..


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## Amelie_S (Mar 8, 2007)

Hi Kevin

Thanks for the message on my post. It is a common misconception that infertility is harder on women than men. My chap is just as desperate as me to have kids, only he doesn't cry when he sees pregnant people and new borns in the supermarket like me! I hope you and your wife succeed with the ivf. Hopefully chatting to people in similar situations will help you both to stay positive. Its very hard to talk to people face to face, especially if they have children of their own. I don't think they can truely understand. But we all do here! Good luck and think positive

Amelie


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