# Paranoia and Anxiety Getting Worse as Pregnancy progresses ...



## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi Emily C and Oink..

I'm sorry to bother you but I wondered if you could advise me on something please.

As you'll see from my history, it's taken me a very long time and alot of tx to get to where I am today (19 wks & 4 days pregnant).

Throughout the pregnancy, I have been extremeley anxious, worrying every minute of every day, that this can't be happening to me and something is going to go wrong.  I just can't let myself "accept" that I AM pregnant and am going to have a baby ..... It just seems so surreal, like that only happens to other people, not me ...   It's like I'm terrifed to let the self-protection barriers down.  

This has been driving my DH/Mum mad as they only want me to enjoy it after all this time.   I haven't even looked at any baby clothes, prams or anything.  I just don't want to know as I'm too scared to get attached and get excited, even at 19 weeks ...

However, last weekend, I allowed myself to go with DH and "look" at prams.  This was a huge step for me ...

However, last night, I made the mistake of watching Robert Winston's "A Child Against All Odds" where there was a poor lady, who, after 7 failed IVF attempts, had a miscarriage at 20 weeks.  Well .... I was absolutely horrified and this has made me so scared again, and it's really set me back again ...

Today, I had a midwife appointment where she listened into the hearbeat with the "doppler" and there was a strong heartbeat, the rythm going up and down which she said was good.

What I would like to ask is, if I were to miscarry at 20 weeks:

1.  Would the heartbeat have been strong today?
2.  Will my 20 week scan this Friday be able to "pre-empt" a problem/impending miscarriage?
3.  If something was wrong, would I "know" about it, ie.  lots of bleeding/cramps or can you still have a missed miscarriage at this stage?
4.  Would I need to give birth now, if something were to go wrong?

I hate to ask all these questions as I know I'm probably sending negative vibes to my baby but I'm just so scared to let my defences down.  I should also let you know, I've had all the miscarriage screening tests done at my GP (antiphospholipid antibodies, anti-nuclear antibodies, anti-colieac antibodies etc etc) and they all came back fine.  No problems.

Your advice on these 4 questions would be so, so, much appreciated as I know all this worrying is not healthy.

Thank you so much
Gill xo


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## emilycaitlin (Mar 7, 2006)

Hi,

It's only natural that you feel like this.  When I was pregnant with my dd, I thought I would relax when I got to 12 weeks, then I read about someone having a miscarriage at 16 weeks, so I then had to get myself to 16 weeks, and all the way through, people kept coming into work with bad news at stage of pregnancy later than I was, and I kept having to get myself to those stages.  So I do understand how you feel, however, you will regret all this worrying when your baby is born, and wish you had enjoyed the experience of pregnancy.

There is no way of identifying if problems will happen to you, and the 20 week scan will only look for physical abnormalities or heart problems, which won't necessarily mean that you will miscarry.

Miscarriage beyond 20 weeks is rare, and there is no logical reason why it should happen to you now, so please try and calm down, this will just raise your stress levels and do more harm than good for both you and the baby.  Soon you will be able to feel regular movements and this will help to reassure you a little bit more.  

Hope this helps,

emilycaitlin xx


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi Emily Caitlyn,

Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to reply.  Your advice and generous support on here is absolutely invaluable, I don't know where we'd be without you and Oink.

You are doing a wonderful job ...

thank you
Gill xo


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## emilycaitlin (Mar 7, 2006)

Thank you


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## oink (Feb 22, 2004)

Hi Gill

I really struggled to accept I was pregnant at all and like you expected the worst to happen every day.

We decided for those reasons that we would find out if we were having a boy or a girl and although I didn't want to do this, it was the best thing I could have done.

Myles and I bonded from that time and I finally believed I was pregnant and going to be a mum. It wasn't what I had planned to do but it was what I needed and I'd do exactly the same again!

Take care x


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