# Co-parenting books/advice



## roisin (Dec 12, 2008)

Hello everybody, 

It's been a long time since I visited the site and want to say hi to everyone and hope some people's dreams have been filled.

I've spent a lot of time thinking and now have more clarity thank goodness.  There are two people interested in co-parenting with me - one is bi and the other is gay.  The bi chap is someone I am just getting to know and the gay chap is a close friend of a friend.  I would be grateful for any advice or recommendation for in-depth books on the subject. When I search the net I find a little info about co-parenting in relation to divorced couples - but what I'm doing would be different.

I am particularly interested in how people come to agreement on who the child lives with, who is the legal guardian, how costs are shared, how decisions are made re health care, schooling etc, how disagreements over these things are dealt with, whether the father could stop me living in another country with the child etc.  

Any advice or stories about your experience would be greatly appreciated. 

x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Roisin I remember you from a while ago god uck with your co-parenting.  Most of the things I found about it was in the gay press and also the work of Lisa Saffron - have you looked on Rainbow Families, Pink Parents, the Darcy Laine Foundation- they even do workshops for co=parenting gay couples. Also ask on the LGBT thread as there is one co parenting lesbian couple with a gay couple.

Natalie the FF lawyer may be able to give you advice on agreements, legal guardianship etc

I was put off with co-parenting I did consider it with agay friend but I decided that I didn't want to share  baby with someone, plus he was from Aus and I thought that it wouldn't be fair in the future if he wanted to return home etc, so feel that my known donor and his partner are ideal situation for me, they can have opinions on certain things eg: health, imms, religion but ultimately it is my baby and I would not want any financial contribution.

When are you hoping to start and what method are you going to use?

Good Luck


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## roisin (Dec 12, 2008)

Hey JJ1

thanks for your advice, pardon my long delay - have been abroad for a few weeks and got back today. 

I can understand why you chose your route.  Does your know donor have any contact with your child? While on one hand I really want to child to have relationship with his/her father, I'm also getting concerned about how messy things could become if the father started being difficult. There's a possibility I would live in Ireland with the child while he would be here in London - thankfully the distance is not as far as Australia.  

I will look into what you advised and contact Natalie: definitely need to do a lot of research and get a grip of all the issues asap. 
One of the ladies on FF advised "choosing single motherhood" by Mikki Morrissette - I read it a few months back and it was very good (need to re-read). Also another lady sent me some feedback from children of donors.  Guess I've buried my head in the sand a bit over the last few months - I needed processing time I think.  I was in a panic when I first joined FF and have calmed down a lot.  Am off to get another FSH test tomorrow (will have them every 4 months from now till I start trying to conceive) and about to start reading Single Mothers by Choice by Jane Mattes.  

Guess I'm not quite ready to start, but very nearly there now.  Read recently that there is only a 6% chance of having a baby using a frozen egg - so might have to drop that idea.  Will probably start by the end of this year and am going to use at-home artificial insemination for about 4 months I think and if that doesn't work then go to a clinic (if they will accept just 4 months of trying at 40 years old).  

Thanks again JJ1 - hope your week is going well  x


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