# Adoption and breast cancer



## pink tulip (Dec 5, 2007)

Hi All,

I'm new to the group. I'm from Northern Ireland and my DH and I have been ttc for 5 yrs. Last Aug I was diagnosed with breast cancer and my 2nd ICSI had to be cancelled. Since then i've been though hell - 6 mths of chemo, 5 wks of radiotherapy as well as 6 operations in the last 2 years. I'm just getting over it at this point.
We have decided that the only way for us to have a family is adoption and we are putting it off to start application til Jan 2010 as I am terrified that we will be knocked back on the basis of my medical history. I would really love to hear from anyone who has adopted after cancer and any advice you would have for us.

Thanks, Pink Tulip xx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Hiya

I am sorry to hear of your recent illness 

I am glad you have decided to look at adoption  I cant help much with your questions but I am sure someone on here can  ( didnt want to read and run  )

Lots of  on your journey 

xx


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Hi

Welcome to the board    Sorry to hear what you have been through    It certainly sounds like 'hell'  

I'm afraid I do not know the answer to your question either but I would think most agencies would need you to be 'all clear' for some time before your adoption journey but saying that they're all different    You could give an agency a call with your queries, at least they may put your mind at rest  

All the best with your journey


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## zen (Nov 11, 2008)

Hi Pink Tulip, 

I am in a similar position to yourself but with a different cancer.  I was diagnosed with cervical cancer 2 yrs ago, had fertility-saving surgery, ttc naturally but was eventually told that would need IVF.  Did all the prep for IVF and had a cycle started when diagnosed with a recurrance.  Instead of IVF in May I was going through chemorad.  

We are looking into adoption and can not get a straight answer on the number of years 'all clear'.  However, I do know girls in England who have started the adoption process after 2 yrs 'all clear'.  Has your consultant given you any indication of when they would be prepared to certify that you are clear.  My consultant is clueless and said it would be 5 yrs - I am not waiting that long.

If I hear anything else I will drop you a note, as we are in the same area.

Zen

PS Living with both is really hard, I am completley surrounded by pregnant friends and children and it is just so unfair that we have had to deal with both.


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## pink tulip (Dec 5, 2007)

Hi girls,

Thanks for your responses. 
Zen, very interesting to hear your story. I am sorry to hear that you have had recurrence, that sucks 
My consultant has told me that he thinks it is far too early for me to be applying.  He has also said that there is no such thing as "all clear" and that my prognosis is made up of a formula of statistics and numbers. Basically, I have an 85% cahnce of being alive in 5 years time.  He said that in the event of him having to provide info to the adoption agency, that is what he would be saying
However, I feel that I really want to get the ball rolling. I plan to call some of the agencies tomorrow to see if I can set up an information evening or initial meeting. I'm worried that I'll get knocked back but if you don't ask you don't get 
I'll keep you posted xx


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## pink tulip (Dec 5, 2007)

I made my first calls to local social workers yesterday and went round in circles trying to find out what health trust we fell into ( as we are on the border of the southern trust and the south eastern trust). I also discovered very early on that if going for intercountry adoption, you need to start from a different point. This is a little disconcerting as its a decision i hoped we would reach with some guidance from the social worker during our early discussions. Anyway, I am vearing towards intercountry but keeping the domestic option open for a while. 
The point that I have got to is I've provided my info for the local trust who deal with domestic and they will come back to me with a face to face apt in about 2 weeks. I have also found out who I need to speak to for i'country and I will be trying to get in touch with her today


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## pink tulip (Dec 5, 2007)

I spoke to a SW for the intercountry adoption agency in Belfast today. She was very helpful and one of the things that came out of our conversation was that, in my case that there might be a possibility of bringing the medical assessment close to the start of the process so that we wouldn't have go through everything to be disappointed at the end. I thought that was a great idea 
She's sending me some info so that we can mull it over before setting up a meeting x


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## zen (Nov 11, 2008)

I really like your attitude, if you dont ask you will never get.  We are thinking of intercountry adoption rather than domestic and so would love to hear how you get over the medical hurdle.  Its really scary that we only have 85% of being here in 5 years but then no one has a 100% chance I suppose.  

Please keep us updated.

Zen


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## Rachelbee (Oct 25, 2005)

We are doing our prep courses now, there is a lady in our group who had cancer about 2½ years ago, I'm not sure how far they are in the process but guess her medical was ok if she is on the prep courses! Good luck xx


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## pink tulip (Dec 5, 2007)

Hi ladies,

i thought I would let you know that I've been speaking to the lead social worker for the intercountry adoption dept in Northern Ireland this am. He was more than helpful, very kind and supportive, but told me that they have a 5 year rule regarding cancer. He told me that I should come back to them in 3 years and start the process then. Being almost 36 and having been ttc for 5 years I am almost at my wits end. I feel like giving up and deciding that we aren't going to have kids at all. I am feeling very sorry for myself - first inability to conceive, then failing with IVF, then breast cancer and now being held back from adoption because of cancer  How many knocks is one person supposed to take 
I understand that it is all about the security for the child but it doesn't held or suppress my need to be a mother


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## zen (Nov 11, 2008)

I know where you are coming from, why does it have to be this hard when it seems so easy for everyone else. We were thinking of doing I/country also but 5 years is excessive. You dont have to wait that long for a domestic adoption so why is it so long for I/co. As always these rules are made by people who have never stood in our shoes and I do understand that adoption is about the child and not the parents. Walk a while in our shoes..........

Sending you <<<<<<<HUGS>>>>>


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## pink tulip (Dec 5, 2007)

Thanks Zen,
I don't think there would be much difference for domestic adoption, it's simply 3-5 years before being considered for any type of adoption after a cancer diagnosis


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## mavis (Apr 16, 2004)

I Just wanted to say to you girls Pink Tulip and Zen that I am sorry for what you girls are going through, it is as if it isnt enough already.

I wish you both lots of love, luck and positivity and hope you get what you dream of soon.

mavis x


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