# where do you start?



## always (Feb 9, 2007)

HI 
Just wondering if anyone can help? 
wE have just had our 6th failed IVF/FET treatment and can not find answers as to why it is not happening, however am beginning to think it is my body just not being able to handle it! 
We currently have 2 embies frozen my eggs and dh sperm and as this will be the last attempt (financial and emotional reasons) I want it to have every chance. 
Have been reading some of the posts on surrogacy, but am getting myself more confused.
How does it all work? HOw much does it cost? What do you pay for? HOw does it work with mat leave? is it best to have someone you know? what are the chances of it working? how does it work legally? 
Why is all so complicated yet DE seems so straighforward? 
what are the positives and the negatives?
who do we approach about going down this route?


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## Amandajb (Sep 6, 2007)

So sorry to hear what you have been through.  I will try to answer your queries as simply as I can (although I will probably fail dismally).

In IVF, you receive your embryos back.  In surrogacy, it is basically the same process, except the embryos are put into the surrogate.  The costs should be more or less the same as if they were putting them back into you, although in practice, some clinics may change the amounts.  It also depends on whether your surrogate takes the drugs to build up her lining - as you know, these can cost a fortune.  

Maternity leave is a sore point.  As an IM, you will get nothing officially, only what your generous employer will give you and that is down to them.  Your surrogate mother will get the standard SMP, which could be up to a year off work (although not all of that will be paid for).  Unfair?  Undoubtedly.

As for whether its best to have someone you know, well that is certainly a personal choice.  Some people go to their sisters, neices, sister-in-laws, best friends...  Some go to COTS, Surrogacy UK, a-little-wish, surrogacysupport, etc etc and find people they didn't previously know but who become lifelong friends.  Its what is right for you.

The replies from other members will now come flooding in with advice.  That is the great thing about this site. Everyone is so eager to help! 


PM if I can help further.  Good Luck 


Amanda


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## nevergiveup1 (Mar 23, 2008)

hello Always,

I have just done a transfer of our first surrogacy cycle. It all seems very daunting at first but you just need to go over everything you can read and then decide how you want to proceed. I personally did not want to join any of the surrogacy groups. And found that getting a surrogate is very easy once you start to look and put feelers out there. You cannot advertise but if you speak to people you know etc.

I decided to come to South Africa for surrogacy and my doctor recommended someone who has done surrogacy before and I didnt pay anything for the introduction. I am making sure that I do not break any UK laws. But DH and I decided we will go ahead and if the surro gets pregnant then we will do what we need to to get the babies back to the Uk when the time comes. It all seems so daunting but if you just follow uk law and dont pay for commercial surrogacy and just pay expenses then I am sure everything will work out.

I am not that fussed as to whether the baby is British or not as I am British and South African and hubby is Irish and British. So any nationality will be fine for our babies, we have no preference. Take it one step at a time and  read everything that you can, start looking for a surrogate and once you have found someone, Have a contract drawn up by a good surrogacy lawyer and then you are on yer way. We also needed lots of blood tests, psycology reports etc. Just do one step at a time. I think it is easier if you find someone who has done surrogacy before.

Lots of Luck and hope your dreams come true!


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## bobbyandnikki (Dec 28, 2009)

Mentioning lawyers and drawing up contracts is liable to scare many off from doing surrogacy. The clinics we used in India provided the contract and the rest can be done by yourself with a little research and help from a good clinic who can provide you with names of couples who successfully had their baby.
It's not as daunting as the press or governing bodies would like us to believe who are losing out to medical tourism.

Have you had your results yet? It takes on average 2/3 attempts to get one's surrogate pregnant. Don't give up.


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## nevergiveup1 (Mar 23, 2008)

Hi Bobby,

My clinic in Sa did not have a surrogacy contract, they recommended the lawyer and she had a contract done. In SA for all appointments with the lawyer and the contract etc etc. was only about £300. my surrogate had done surrogacy before.

I didnt find it daunting. But it is just that it seems "international surrogacy" gets bad press.
I have found it very easy and MUCH easier than things in the uk that I have read. I am South African too and had everything done in my home town, so not really international surrogacy for me, I dont think.

After 10 rounds of IVF, my first surrogacy worked and she is pregnant with twins. Unbelievable!!


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

bobbyandnikki I love your website and very informative
L x


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## bobbyandnikki (Dec 28, 2009)

Gee thanks.
Our site is just that, quaint, old fashioned and like a sunday family dinner at xmas during the Queen's speech! . WYSIWYG. 
Words straight out and not beating about the bush with fancy lawyer-speak which Nikki is so good at (worked for a solicitor b4 losing job when collecting baby in India!).
I have some self concocted surrogacy contract forms if anybody wants them. Lengthy and thorough!


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