# Failed 1st IVF abnormal egg - what next?



## Frumafran (Jan 2, 2015)

Hi everyone

I found out yesterday that our first cycle of IVF has failed - my AMH was v low so we were expecting poor response but was hoping quality would be OK given I'm not too old and been taking coq10 and eating super healthily. They  retrieved one egg, and they said it was very abnormal (the surface was covered with something strange), and appeared to be of low quality, and it didn't fertilise. We are seeing the consultant later so putting together a list of questions, but whats on my mind is that if the one egg I produced was such poor quality, is it likely that all my eggs will be the same rubbish standard? I'm thinking because of the low quality and quantity they might say that DE is the next step. A lot of people here have said that just because this cycle didn't work, doesn't mean the next one won't, but really I can't see how I would respond dramatically differently next time around, even on a different protocol....but am I wrong? Sadly money is tight for us and we have agreed not to get into trying over and over again, but might give it one last shot and thinking DE given the success rate is so much higher than would be with my OE. I'm just not sure yet if we want that or should go straight to adoption. We're taking some time out to get our lives back first. I keep veering between uncontrollable sobbing and waves of grief, to feeling positive and relieved that after a 3-year build-up we can get some closure. Dreading going back to work next week and having to get back to the real world, stupidly I told several people about my treatment so now going to have to face them all and tell them it hasn't worked which  is really going to suck! If we do have more tx in future I will be telling no one!


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## jenni01 (Oct 15, 2010)

Morning Frumafran...
Firstly I'm so sorry for you and your hubby 
The emotions that you are feeling are perfectly normal and one that we are all so very used to unfortunately!
You are grieving for a loss....not just the loss of a hopeful baby but the hope and dreams that accompanied that.
I won't say that each day get's better because it's such a personal emotion and everyone is different..
But what I will say is that one day when the time is right you will know the answer deep down as to what you want to do and that drive and determination either through OE or DE or even adoption will be your driving force.
As for work...I don't hold back and I tell people about the IVF although not DE as that parts personal to me...
When I went back to work after my recent BFN I just held my head high and faked it!!....but except for saying "No it didn't work"....I say very little except " I go back in May"...

This is such a crxppy journey hun and there's no easy route unfortunately but always no that you have the support and as much help as we can give you on here


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## Frenchgirl (Nov 11, 2015)

Hi Frumafran,

I completely understand how you feel and it is very hard, we have just had our first cycle 2 weeks ago and it has also failed completely, my 5 eggs were all immature and the Dr does not have a good explanation for it. I also fear that the outcome of the next cycle will be the same despite the fact the Dr thinks differently.
I have also started to look into DE options as the chances are so much higher.
However, we are going to do a second cycle with my OE and if it does not work then I will def. switch to DE. I can't see the point of going through the pain again and again, the emotional trauma is too much.
Thinking of you.
X


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## Frumafran (Jan 2, 2015)

Thanks Jenni and Frenchgirl. I went back for a consultant appointment today, and they were recommending DE. I got upset again having thought I had cried it all out of my system! Feeling better now I'm back home. She signed me off work for another week which I feel really guilty about, but know I need to give myself time to heal. DH is back to work tomorrow so need to think about what to do to make best use of the time I have. Thanks again for your lovely comments, they really helped me get through what has been a lousy day xxx


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