# How do couples cope when IVF fails?



## ♥Tamsin♥ (Jun 29, 2004)

Hi Ladies,

You may already be aware of this article, but if not, definitley worth a read - http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article4356115.ece

"One of the few organisations to provide social support is More To Life, which helps involuntarily childless people to develop networks and swap advice. Membership costs £20 annually and has grown rapidly in the two years since it was established, says Susan Seenan, one of the organisers."

I joined More to Life a few weeks back. Is not just for those who have had failed Tx. Just anyone who has found themselves involuntarily childless. 

Tamsin
xx

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


----------



## larkles (Jun 29, 2005)

Hi Tasmin

We didn't cope well at all, all our treatments we were convinced they would work, life is a funny thing isn't it?

We were on the verge of divorce in July when I even managed to cancel our donor, it tore me apart but felt it wasn't right at that time, we had our last treatment in September, I was so convinced it would work-it had to-last attempt!
We were so angry with each other and blamed ourselves un neccasarily

Since then I have learned to accept my dh as he is, the man I fell in love with all those years ago, through all the hard times we have had, I just knew although I wanted to get away, I would miss him so much

I am late with my af for over a week but I am not getting my hopes up, the more I think the longer my af stays away, am so hoping for a long awaited natural BFP-that would be the best present ever, a physic said to me 8 years ago that I would have 2 children naturally at the age of 44 and guess what age I am now! You know how the mind goes 

Sorry to have rambled but as am not at the stage of no mans land (so to speak) with no looming waiting lists am feeling a bit in limbo

Larkles
xx


----------



## estraka (Aug 16, 2008)

Thanks for posting that article Tamsin, it was interesting.  About time there was more coverage of IF and the facts - it is not just the couples that are deluded into thinking they are bound to be the lucky ones, this is a perception of pretty much anyone I come across and friends and family tend to be overly optimistic and as such are limited in their ability to support when it goes wrong.  IVF tends to be regarded a bit too flippantly as a sure answer to the couple's prayers and if couples are not blindly positive about the potential outcome they are regarded as having been in some way personally responsible for their failure, as if they would have had a baby if only they had had a better attitude.

I think it is right that finding a new sense of purpose is the best way to survive, but easier said than done.

Larkles - don't worry about not being yet at the stage where you have exhausted all options - you can still find a home on this forum.  There are plenty, like me, on "moving on - deciding and accepting" that are still in the deciding stage and perhaps leaning back towards another go.  This part of the forum is for those whose chances of conceiving are severely reduced and I guess the idea is that we do move on in some way eventually - by some miracle get pg or decide to adopt or accept IF and find a new sense of purpose in life, as the article suggests.  Personally I am not ready for accepting and I haven't found many on here that are - or they have moved on and accepted as much as you can with this kind of personal trauma but still find comfort here.  I think this forum provides some support no matter what stage you are at.  Perhaps I am wrong about how it was originally intended but nobody has told me to go elsewhere yet!! 

I think most of us have been there in waiting for af and hoping against hope.  I wish you a miracle, although I personally wouldn't be able to give any credit to the psychic for it if it did happen!  

Take care.
est.


----------

