# When to tell colleagues about a match



## peanut butter (Jul 23, 2008)

Hi Ladies

You always give such good advice that I thought I would try the following on you:

We are due to go to matching panel in mid Feb and if all goes according to plan, I will leave work in early March.  

I have quite a senior role at work and have already told the managers that work for me about the adoption and match.  I do, however, have lots of other colleagues in my team (about 30) who have no idea that I am approved to adopt, let alone been matched.  

I am worried about telling them now in case something goes wrong as so many people will know but on the other hand, I feel that telling them after panel will be unfair as it means they only have a couple of weeks notice before I disappear and that doesn't feel right either.

What have you done or what would you do in my position??

Happy New Year to you all and best wishes for your journeys in 2013.

Love

PB x


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## funnychic (Feb 2, 2012)

Hi there


I am in a very similar postition as yourself.  I am linked and go to matching panel on 16th January with intros starting 25th and none of my colleagues except the management know anything about the fact I am adopting.

I am going back to work after xmas leave on 9th Jan and plan to tell them then, despite the fact I wont have been to panel.  I am not anticipating any problems and will be leaving work the day after panel. 

It appears very rare for you to be put in front of panel for a match for them to say no, so if you tell your colleagues prior to panel I am sure you will be ok.  Do whatever feels right for you.  I cant wait to see my colleagues faces when they find out, however I didn't tell them sooner as its quite a *****y environment and I know some will have catty remarks.

How old is your little one? boy/girl? 

best wishes xx


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## peanut butter (Jul 23, 2008)

Thanks funnychic and good luck with your panel.  Is it for a girl/boy - age??

I think that maybe I should wait a while and just tell them at the beginning of Feb so they have some time to get used to it but not too long.  By then all the paperwork should also be complete so less chance of things going wrong I suppose.  

Such a shame that you work in a *****y environment, if I did I would be waiting until the last minute to tell people.  I am lucky that mine is the opposite but it does mean that people are going to want to talk about it when we are trying to distract ourselves in the hope the time goes more quickly!

We have been matched to 2 girls who are 4 and 5 years old.  Am expecting it to be a lot of hard work but I cannot wait.  

PB


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

its a really hard one..because we had such a hideous experience of a match going tits up my view is rather caution-based  
could you sort of half tell them? a kind of 'we are adopting and have some exciting news but for obvious reasons until we've been to panel we'd rather play it quietly' then they have a heads up but dont know all the details...and then you can announce it all properly and enjoy the moment. bit like people wait till their 12 wk scan to properly announce as by then things are more certain to be going well  


kj x


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## Maccer (Feb 2, 2010)

Hi PB, 


Firstly congrats on being linked.  We go to matching panel on 9th Jan with intros due to start 17th if all goes well.  Due to panel and intros being so close I have told all my colleagues.  I work for a big organisation but in a small team so I felt that they should know as soon as possible as they will have to pick up some of my work load for a bit.  I think it all depends on your relationship with your colleagues and what sort of plans need to be put in place for your absence.  I have told them that nothing is definite until the matching panel decision is ratifified, which won't happen until 14th, so cutting it ver close. 


I hope all goes well in February.


Maccer x


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## funnychic (Feb 2, 2012)

My little one is a girl and will be exactly 20 months the day she comes home.  I am a bit ancient so wasn't really expecting one so young so I am a bit excited but I am still a bit on the scared side!!

Keemjay, just to scare myself to death a bit more, what went wrong with your match? Please don't tell me it was at panel?!!!


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

read my story on the adoption stories board..if you dare  
kj x


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## funnychic (Feb 2, 2012)

Keejay- OH MY BLOODY GOD!!!! 

Thats all!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I have always put work first and been super committed to what is best for my employer / colleges however everything I have been through has made me realise even your closest friends do 100% what is best for them not you and you need to do the same. Tell them when you feel ready if that means they get a days notice then so be it. Do not feel guilty about doing what is best for you. I know if I told people before matching every well meaning question would send me into a panic that I had jinxed it. So if you are like me stay quiet however if you are feeling positive and bursting to share stand on your chair this morning and shout it out to all. Have an amazing next few months you're very nearly there x


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

sorry funnychic


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## Billybeans (Jun 16, 2012)

Hi PB, I am with Gwyneth on this one. I would wait until you are 100% sure, just because I am a very over cautious person, however like Gwyneth said whatever feels best for you but please don't feel that you have to tell them because of work related stuff, they will cope if you have to go off last minute. You could always start preparing emails to send to them with all the info that they may need for whilst you are off work perhaps?!
Good luck at panel and Congrats


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