# Feeling mortal - warning: don't open if not in a sunny mood



## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Likely many people, I have been brought up to provide for myself, my family and my future and apart of this process was to accumulate and consolidate wealth. Not in a nasty, greedy, self centered way but in a sensible way that would ensure my family was provided for and protected and that my children would be provided for no matter how old I am when I pop my clogs.  

This is evidenced in rather boring ways: I have permanent health insurance, I have critical illness insurance and my life is insured up to my eyeballs (in fact, if my exit is in anyway mysterious, dh better have a bullet proof alibi), I have very modest commitments, I fund a pension. Yawn, yawn, yawn, all very boringly sensible.  Because we bought our house a few years ago we have equity which actually forms the bulk of what would be our estate. I like my house (even though it is a bit ugly) but I’ve never defined my happiness by it. 

As has been discussed on a number of occasions, we’re all basically conditioned by society and stockpiling wealth for the next generation is a part of that conditioning.  But what if you don’t’ have that next generation you feel the need to provide for?  We’re toying with selling up, sizing down and really, seriously enjoying life.  Not that we lead dull lives, we don’t. We must be one of the busiest couples in middle England.  

Is this madness? Are we just having a moment?  Whilst I can intellectually accept that there is no reason to stockpile wealth for the next generation, why does the prospect of doing something so unconventional make me feel uncomfortable?  

I guess this is an aspect of childlessness that I’m only being forced to consider because of wider family circumstances which I won’t bore you with but it’s one that’s started to occupy my thoughts.

That’s it really. Answers on a postcard please!


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Not quite a postcard but...

Have had similar thoughts to you over the years and I have to admit to throwing caution to the winds in the face of 'stockpiling wealth'. Like that phrase you coined there!

After thinking this we decided to remortgage the house and have a load of stuff done - we are still in the process of doing what we want to it. So what if our house is tiny. So what if we are bordering on being very skint at the moment - we are happy and I couldn't give a cats fart about money so long as in the big scheme of things there is enough to feed us and pay the bills - we don't live beyond our means, we've had a few lovely holidays, we have our tin tent (caravan) which is an old thing but works! Most important of all there is love in our lives and we have each other - all priceless stuff that no amount of stockpiling will assist with should things go pear shaped in the human kind of way!

Money is the root of all evil so they say - I don't plan on leaving anything to anyone. Selfish or sensible? I want to enjoy what is left of my existence, provided DH is ok once I pop my clogs! Knowing me I probably wouldn't have much to give anyone monetary wise anyway! We all came into this world with nothing, you can't take it with you!

I think I look upon life this way as most of my close relatives are now deceased... am not being doom and gloom about stuff here, part of life is death and people often seem to forget this... we've all got to go sometime so make the best of what you have while you're here if you can. I plan on riding my beloved motorbike until I'm in my eighties!

What are you planning on doing now Flipper? I love your scheming mind! You aren't going to go streaking at Twickenham or anything are you?    

xxx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

This is a really interesting question - I wonder what the *voluntarily  * childless think about this sort of thing?

We're really sensible too (pensions/health plans blah blah blah) but we hadn't ever got around to writing a will, so we had ours drawn up last year. We were very clear that if we both go, we don't give two hoots what happens to our cash. This was before our last IVF, and while we did say things like "if we have a child we will change our will", typing this has made me think back and I now realise we'd pretty much given up hope even then. (I don't mean that in a negative way, if you know what I mean).

Oh dear, I'm rambling. Sorry about that!


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## solitaire (Mar 26, 2007)

What an interesting thread.

The year we finally let go, we extended the mortgage and went round the world. If I had to grieve, I wanted it to be in style. We were in Sydney for the New Year and it was wonderful. Bad things pale into insignificance on the other side of the world!

Before we went I suddenly panicked about making a will (thought I would die in a plane crash - I didn't though ...). It made me think about all the things that were special to me, and I made some specific bequests of items to my nephews, and children of a couple of very close friends. Other than that it all goes to a number of charities that mean something to me.

Having thought it all through we then went round the world again just to make sure we didn't have too much money lying around with no-one to spend it on. Christmas in South Africa on safari that time. That really put my life in perspective and as soon as we can afford it, we're off there to explore some more!

We have thought a lot about money more recently, as dh was made redundant a couple of years ago and we suddenly found ourselves having to be a bit careful. He was actually made redundant on his first day back from the last round the world trip - just when we had no money!! We have got all the usual pensions, insurance policies etc. etc. but reckon life is too short to worry. The only proviso really is that you need to make sure you have enough in case you live a very long time but can't look after yourself. Care can be very expensive.

My advice, enjoy it while you can!
Love,
Solitaire
xxx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Oh Flipper!

I hate thinking about this! No answers here!

DH and I live apart and have totally seperate finances. He lives for the present and near future. He does not spend much at all on himself, but has bought and renovated an old church and founded a charity, now independent of him, that runs from there and his will leaves all his assets to the charity. He will start to charge them rent at a later date if he needs the cash. He also has the option of selling up. I don't have any spare money, nor all the policies you have and I worry about what I will do if I get made redundant, about my pension and about what I wil do if I need care!

It sounds as though you can have a happy medium - money to enjoy now and investment for your old age.

Love Jq xxx


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

Hey Flip, 

In my first marriage, my then hubby earned minimum £150,000 a year. We had two properties and went where we liked at a moment's notice. And boy was I miserable.... Now I look at my in-laws (paper millionaires) and they have the emptiest marriage and my MIL, the smallest minded life I know of. The  message I get from all of this? That having money can make you care about stuff that doesn't matter a tosh. While I think it wise to make sure your old age is provided for, the rest of it should be spent, spent, spent! 

Good, good question.....

Love, 

MM xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Flipper - I agree with MM. I think you should spend, spend, spend on things that make your life happy. Keep some for old age security for sure - but the rest is 'gravy' so they say. As for me I'm an old meanie - money has always been a big issue between me and my sister (I won't go into the long long story), so if I die it all goes to hubby; but if we both die my half goes to the Salvation Army. Am I mean or what?!
Bernie x


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## VT (Aug 5, 2005)

Hi Flipper

I am totally with you here. We are also having thoughts about downsizing to be able to live almost mortgage free which will then open up choices as to what we do with our lives. If we're not constrained by saving for our decendants futures then what do we want to do with it?

We too have pensions, insurances etc and are lucky to have a bit in the bank too for rainy days.  We have asked ourselves given we don't have our own children should we leave it to our neice and nephews? One of the conclusions we have come to is that as much as we adore our nieces and nephews it is their parents responsibility to make sure they are ok in the future not ours. 

We don't need or want more things. What makes us happiest is spending time together and we are trying to work out how we can do that. We are talking about moving closer to where dh works so that he can be home earlier so we can do more things together. I want to work less not more, spend more time with friends and family. We haven't got it sorted by any means but trying to figure it all out.

This childless situation we have found ourselves in has made us feel so powerless for the last few years. It is only now that we are taking it back. It is our future and we can make the most of it.

Financial security has always been a priority for me, but now we only have to make sure we are sorted for our life times the opportunities are new and exciting.

Thanks for a thought provoking and inspiring question.

Vicki
x


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## ruby k (Jun 2, 2004)

hi girls
do you know I've never thought about this  . Maybe i should have... We never have any money and what we do have seems to be spent before we get it! I kind of accepted a long time ago that we would never be rich because of my job (artist) - we haven't made wills or anything - the only thing I have stipulated is that my BF gets my diaries (god poor her if that ever happens!!), so she can write my life story... 
Seriously tho, we do own a house etc, so i guess it would all go to neices and nephews.
xxxxx


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

A really interesting bunch of replies ladies, thanks.  I've given this a lot of thought over the week and I'm not sure I'm ready for streaking at Twickers Emcee (nor is Twickers come to that) but we are busy looking at what we want from life and considering our options and none of them involve stockpiling wealth (which sounds rather pompous a week on but I'm sure you all know what I mean).

I love the idea of going around the world twice, the second time just to make sure Solitaire, that's a seriously cool attitude and VT, join me in a spot of vicarious house hunting, it's lots of fun.

I spent the weekend in the company of an old friend with kids. 99.9999% of conversation was kid related. Schools, music lessons, exams you name it, every anxiety you could imagine and a few more that boggled the mind.  Every attempt to change the direction of the conversation ran aground. I was desperately, desperately bored.

Around the world, here I come.


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Flipper - you have to feel sorry for people like that....!
Bernie x


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## Maggie Mae (Mar 2, 2006)

A good reminder that having children would not have been the cherub filled panacea that we have painted to us, day in, day out...If I see one more pampers advert.....MM xxx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

well I'm already feeling better about the fact that I've arranged to spend approaching the cost of a treatment cycle on a fabulous new tattoo!


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## Megan10 (Jul 16, 2004)

Go Emma,
What is it this time?....and where?  
Hope you are doing Ok hun,
Love MeganXX


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

I'm having a "sleeve" so it will pretty much cover my left arm.  The design is done, but I can't start until the end of July because the artist I have chosen is super busy.  

It's a nautical theme, with a pin up girl, ship at sail, a swallow, roses and an anchor. It's going to take months to do and I can't wait to start!!!


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Hi girls- we also spend money as we have it. We finally started a savings account to put in a new kitchen next year(needs everything-floor,tiling and units) but we knew we would never do it otherwise. Apart from that we have our pension through teaching.

My dh is 10 years older than me so i know he will be hoping to do lots when he retires tho not quite yet. We havent made a will either and as i have a sd i dont really know what way it would work(i have never formally adopted her as her birth mother is still around)- i would want to leave her something tho. I have a nephew (my brother's son- my brother died at 22) but he only came back into our lives at 11 (now 17) so who knows where it will all go! As my siblings are only getting married now who knows what relatives i will have in the future.Maybe i will have a really great niece that i will want to give some of it to!! (if we havent spent it all that is! )

I plan to sell up here when i retire(i think!!! ) and either retire to the seaside in ireland or South of France- if i can get dh on a bloody plane!!! 

A good question!


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