# Adopting after having a birth child and when to do it



## Piper88 (Mar 26, 2016)

Hi, would be grateful for members' advice.  

We went to our End of Stage 1 meeting with our SW last week and it was strongly suggested to us that we wait 6 months before progressing to stage 2 because our BS is only 2 1/2 - which of course was known when we entered stage 1 two months ago. We were told that if we decide to press ahead the likelihood is that a child won't be placed with us because of our BS's age and then, because we will have been waiting, our assessment will become out of date and we will continue to be passed over because it will look as if there is something wrong with us. We don't know what to do.

We were also told that an adopted child to our BS will be like having a special needs sibling and when we are gone it will be him that has to look after an adopted sibling. 

I know that parenting an adopting child is different but is it really as bad as having a special needs child/sibling?? I am beginning to have second thoughts as I don't want an adopted child to be a burden on my BS. But is the LA just testing us and/or trying to put us off for some reason e.g. because they have too many potential adopters. 

Your experiences/views much appreciated.


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

Hi Piper,

We had exactly this just over a year ago but when our adopted daughter was 2 and a half (birth son had just turned 5), we actually had a panel date but had the same conversation with our agency as you describe above.

In the end we agreed to withdraw our application and phoned around LA's - loads turned us away because of the age gap but we found an LA to work with and went to panel in June. In early August we heard of an internal link and by mid August he was home with us. he was 9 months when he came home. Just a few weeks ago we had his baby brother placed with us too.

If your agency aren't willing to support you consider going elsewhere

Good luck


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