# Pregnancy announcement still painful after so long?!



## Selby88 (Mar 24, 2014)

I’m back here after 7 years and looking for support. Or just a willing ear! Honestly I have been so happy, child free and coping far better than I thought I ever could. But yesterday something happened. Usually people at work announce pregnancy by email which is so much easier, but yesterday my boss held a ‘secret meeting’ for our team and just turned on her laptop to reveal a baby scan. It hit me like a knife out of nowhere. I didn’t think I would feel like that again, but there I was. Everyone screaming with delight and I had to put on the ‘happy’ face. Within a matter of hours I have come down so low, and it’s been so long since I felt this way. Sorry to just sound out here but I know you lovely ladies will understand xxx


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Oh my godness that's absolutely horrendous. 

I always wander with people like this. They must be completely sleep walking through life. Totally absorbed in their own world . Infertility isn't exactly rare..fertile or not surley we all realise to tell people in a sensitive and discreet way?? 

Also this is so distasteful and unprofessional. Your boss?! Id cringe if my boss did this.

Whilst I will always envy the fertiles of the world, I often feel grateful that at least I don't have many of their sh!t personalities 

Sending hugs and solidarity ❤ 
Xx


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## wilberdoo (Feb 27, 2012)

All of what KJ said, I’m so sorry that happened. Sending you lots of virtual hugs. It never ceases to amaze me how insensitive people are xxx


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## Selby88 (Mar 24, 2014)

Thank you K jade and wilberdoo. I don’t think less of my boss but it’s hard to act as if I’m delighted about it, although I wish her all the best, of course I do. I just didn’t expect anyone to announce it that way?! I now need a game plan to deal with it else I will be walking out the office every 5 minutes and hiding in the toilet! Thanks again for understanding. So relieved that you both get it. I was feeling so alone and isolated Xx


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Well .your a bigger person than me. Id be thinking alot less of her 🙈
When i was finally pregnant after almost a decade trying using double donation i didn't really tell anyone in work. I pretty much just waited till they asked. Then said 'oh yeh...yeh' and moved the conversation on!


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## Positive20 (Feb 1, 2020)

Hi Selby. Hope you are okay. It shocks me how insensitive people are at times announcing pregnancies. You tend to find the ones who have had difficulty stay quiet and more reserved.
I hope you are feeling better about your boss and yes I would feel less of my boss for doing that so well done on being the bigger person. Big hugs and hope you are okay xx


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## PDream1980 (Oct 21, 2021)

I know how it feels . I am so glad you’ve had happy years being child free , just remember this is probably a blip and you will get back to being happy . I am struggling with it too , I work in a customer facing role and had two clients in a week telling me they see pregnant , have clients bringing their babies in . I decided to have half a day off work and went to IKEA and it was full of mums with prams so had to just leave . I actually got a complaint from
One client trying to get free stuff saying I didn’t fuss their kid . When your smiling telling people congratulations and you feel pain inside is hard to say the least . 

A friend and I were talking and there was something going round social media where a woman on a train changed carriages cos of a baby crying near her and the mother criticised her for moving and I thought you have no idea why that woman wanted to move , she could have just found out her 4th ivf hasn’t worked or like me being given a 1%chance and your world is falling apart and your heart breaking over and over every day . 

There is a group for childless women not by choice created by Jody day . You can only join if you are childless not by choice and are not any more hopeful / thinking : trying fertility treatment . That might be a good place to get extra support x x big hug to you and to everyone who suffers maybe from time to time or all the time x


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

Hi, I am sorry it happened to you. Although I recommend concentrating on how you were happy before her announcement, as you cannot change her situation, but only yours. If she did smth without considering emotions of her team once, she wil probably do that again, and you cannot change this. Or you can try to talk to her explaining the situation, who knows other ladies in the team might be in the same shoes as you are. Warm hugs


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## Selby88 (Mar 24, 2014)

Positive20 said:


> Hi Selby. Hope you are okay. It shocks me how insensitive people are at times announcing pregnancies. You tend to find the ones who have had difficulty stay quiet and more reserved.
> I hope you are feeling better about your boss and yes I would feel less of my boss for doing that so well done on being the bigger person. Big hugs and hope you are okay xx


Thanks Positive20. I’m feeling a little better and more angry at my boss now for putting me in that situation. But I guess some just don’t realise… how lucky they are! XX


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## Selby88 (Mar 24, 2014)

Philippas dream said:


> I know how it feels . I am so glad you’ve had happy years being child free , just remember this is probably a blip and you will get back to being happy . I am struggling with it too , I work in a customer facing role and had two clients in a week telling me they see pregnant , have clients bringing their babies in . I decided to have half a day off work and went to IKEA and it was full of mums with prams so had to just leave . I actually got a complaint from
> One client trying to get free stuff saying I didn’t fuss their kid . When your smiling telling people congratulations and you feel pain inside is hard to say the least .
> 
> A friend and I were talking and there was something going round social media where a woman on a train changed carriages cos of a baby crying near her and the mother criticised her for moving and I thought you have no idea why that woman wanted to move , she could have just found out her 4th ivf hasn’t worked or like me being given a 1%chance and your world is falling apart and your heart breaking over and over every day .
> ...


Thanks for your understanding. Sounds like you do have a difficult job so big respect to you. I think it’s the manner in which you’re told, but also like you say, who knows what people have gone through so there needs to be some more thought and understanding generally. And thanks for the tip on the Jody Day group. I have made great strides and think this is just a blip. I guess they will happen again. I know people want the subject to be less taboo but I find it difficult explaining to anyone, because I cannot bear the pity in peoples eyes… do you know what I mean?? Also once someone is pregnant I think it’s too late to tell them, it’s not the kind of subject they want to think about is it?! Big hugs to you and I hope things get easier for you at work. Other than this blip I certainly had started to get better being around ‘pregnancy’ Take care XXX


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## Selby88 (Mar 24, 2014)

Thanks miam


miamiamo said:


> Hi, I am sorry it happened to you. Although I recommend concentrating on how you were happy before her announcement, as you cannot change her situation, but only yours. If she did smth without considering emotions of her team once, she wil probably do that again, and you cannot change this. Or you can try to talk to her explaining the situation, who knows other ladies in the team might be in the same shoes as you are. Warm hugs


 Thanks miamiamo. I don’t think I can tell my boss now, for various reasons but yes it will probably happen again. I think hopefully not in the same contrived way though! I wonder if there could be some kind of anonymous leaflet you can leave on people’s desk saying ‘we’re over the moon about your news but please be aware this is a sensitive subject for many others in this world’ but maybe that isn’t a good idea either! Take care xx


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

Ia there any HR dep in the company you are working in? What about asking them to mention than in e.g. a company's newsletter?


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## SuperMaria (Jul 13, 2020)

I fully understand @Selby88 and had a similar situation last year.

I had an interview for a new job where the potential employer was telling me he was just became a dad and how wonderful it was...then he asked me if I got kids...when I pull a "forced smile" saying that I didn't have any, he replies "why not, kids are amazing"! 

How can people be so insensitive? Glad I didn't get the job.


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