# Adoption Buddies starting 2018/2019



## bundles

Hello ladies  

A new buddy page for those of you beginning your journey in 2018/2019
As the adoption section is currently without a Moderator, if there are any issues please use the “Report To Moderator” function or the Contact Us tab  
Also, if any of you are interested in becoming a Moderator feel free to drop me a PM  

Bundles x
Site Management


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## CaraJ

Hello, we are at the beginning of the adoption process. We started at the end of November and have just finished the first 2 days of the preparation for adoption course. It's all very overwhelming but nice to be in control after years of ivf etc. Hope to meet others at a similar stage.


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## Northern

Hi CaraJ, 

I'm a little behind you - we're just making our very first enquiries into adoption after 5 failed ivf's.  We went to information event on Weds and have talked to my partner's eldest son which has all been very positive, but can't go any further til May as they need us to have 6 months out after treatment. 

I'm pleased to see this thread pop up though as very interested to see others just starting out and see how they find it all - hoping for some insights and tips! 

How did you find the prep course?  Are there things you need to do now to follow on from that?

Sure there are others out there but saw the thread sitting quietly so just wanted to say hi! 
Xx


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## Rachgall

I sent off our registration of interest this morning so will hopefully be officially starting stage 1 in the next few days. Would love to hear from anybody else who is at a similar stage.
We haven’t done amy prep days yet but would be interested to hear what others thought of them.


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## Lucia44

Where is everyone from? We've decided to go down the adoption route now, after 7 years of ivf and numerous cycles. I hadn't realised you had to wait 6 months though.


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## magicpillow

We are still in the decision making stage and if we do go ahead it'll be around June or so as we needed to wait 6 months.  At the moment I'm still wavering between trying donor eggs or going forward with adoption.  I've always been drawn to adoption and we've been considering it for a while.  I don't think I can face anymore treatment.


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## Rachgall

Hi,

Do you mean wait 6 months from last ivf cycle before applying to become adopters? We were told that too. We live in London but I think that is fairly standard. TBH though it almost took us 6 months to find the right agency to go with, attend  an information session and then make the decision to apply. We were only asked when our last cycle was once we said we wanted to apply.

Have you found an agency/LA to go with?


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## CaraJ

Hi, 
We ended up taking nearly a year and a half between IVF and adoption and it was so needed. We both got counselling during that time and made plans to do fun couple stuff while we were waiting.
We have now completed our preparation course and just have our medicals to do before we can move onto stage 2. We've hit a slight snag as I have to get a police check from Hungary as I lived and worked there years ago. It's gonna cost a lot and has to be done in Hungarian but we'll sort it.
The preparation course was good but really intense and hard going. They prepare you for the worse case scenario so we heard a lot of harrowing stories. We learnt a lot of theraplay techniques and made connections with other people at similar stages.
We have had our review meeting with our social worker and he said we are an optimum couple and he will do all he can to get us a child before the end of the year.
Wishing everyone well at their various stages.


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## Bubsy

Hi Ladies,

After failed ivf attempts we have decided that adoption will be the route we take. I have heard about needing to wait for 6 months after a failed cycle which feels quite long but probably need that time to get back to normal. 

I am trying to decide whether to go with LA Hertfordshire or to use an agency. I am looking at coram at the moment. How did people decide which was best to go with?

Thanks


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## CaraJ

Hi Busby,
We are with PACT a voluntary agency and to be honest it was an obvious option for us. I don't know why but we just knew we would go with them. I have now discovered that the advantages of a VA is they often have a good after care package and have a wide pool of children to match from. At the end of the day it's a decision only you can make but I reccomend making a list of pros and cons for LA and VA.


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## Bubsy

Thanks CaraJ, I do like the sound of Coram and because we are a mixed race couple I am thinking they may have a more diverse pool of children than Hertfordshire but I could be wrong on that one. I have also checked our pact who also look really good.


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## VivandPete

Hi everyone,

After several failed rounds of IVF (and some rest and recoupertion), we’re starting the adoption process. We’re at the early stages, having had the initial assessment and submitted our registration of interest last week. We’d really like to be part of a supportive group going through the process, and would love to keep up and support others in a similarly boat, going through the highs and lows. 

Viv (and Pete)


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## Nitta

Hi there

I'm also just beginning investigating how to go about adoption, it's a big step after drawing a line under ivf treatment - I'm so happy that I can still have hope to be a mum, and that I've made the decision to stop with the uncertainty of IVF. Phew!  I know this path with bring with it a host of different uncertainties but I'm hopeful everyone here will, in time, get to meet, love and make forever families for their children.

Great to join a group of people starting out on the same journey - I'll be proceeding as a single mum, any other singles out there?

Look forward to sharing our stories and supporting each other.

A whole different kind of journey awaits us!


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## Northern

I know this thread is very quiet, but in case anyone is reading, we officially made the call to our local authority last Tuesday to submit registration of interest and had a call back yesterday - they are coming round on 5th June for initial interview. 
Will wait to see how that goes before officially moving myself to the adoption boards - I don’t want to tempt fate - but it feels nice to be back on some kind of path after our break from treatment.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.
Xx


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## moobags

Hi 

We are looking at going through the adoption process for a second time we have a visit with a SW planned Friday and will see how we go from there.  Our first time round was with a VA but we have decided to look at the LA route this time as we are looking into early permanence foster to adopt.

Moo x


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## NickyNack

Hey is anyone in stage 1 of their adoption journey, I would love to hear from you as I posted on on here during my IVF and found it very helpful to have ladies going through the same thing to speak to 😊


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## NickyNack

Also are there adoption boards on here for people that have stated their journey?


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## Cloudy

This is the thread for people going through the process 

It goes quiet and then gets busier when more people start signing up: although it’s sadly seeming quieter than it was last year xxx


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## CaraJ

Hi,
I was posting on here however we are sadly no longer in the adoption process. A couple of months ago we were told we would not be able to continue with the adoption process. Our agency had concerns about how my DH would handle change because he has aspergers syndrome. We're not sure what happened because it wasn't a problem for 6 months. We may be successful with another agency but we're not sure we want to go through that again. We're just taking time to recover. 
I wish you all the best of luck.


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## CopperBird

I was just browsing through as we are looking to start the adoption process soon but I saw the last post by CaraJ and just had to comment.

I'm sorry to hear what has happened, its such a shame. One of my best friends was diagnosed with aspergers a couple of years ago and is a mum of two. She is such an amazing parent and if anything her aspergers has enhanced her parenting skills as she is very organised and the children seem very settled in their routines. She loves her children so much and they have such a close bond. I'm really disappointed to hear what has happened to you and wish you all the best for the future xx


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## Northern

CaraJ I'm sorry to hear this - sounds like they have just taken the label and applied their own assumptions to it, that must be so hard for you both.  As Copperbird says there's also every reason to think of it as a positive; disappointing that the agency couldn't do that.  I hope after some time out you can find a way of moving forward or find an agency that is less judgemental. 

Just to update on where we're up to - we had initial meeting and several calls with LA who were very good with us and saw a lot of positives, but they have concerns about my dp's kids and 'where their heads are' with regards to adoption.  They want to meet the kids separately to chat to them about it.  We're treading very carefully and giving a lot of breathing space with the whole thing as don't want to freak them out that it's going too quickly.  If we can't move forward with this then we'll really struggle with what to do next, so I'm trying not to think too far ahead. 

So it's all on pause for now but by no means given up yet.  Frustrating though that my chance of having a family now rests with a 17 year old.... 

Hope everyone else is doing ok, whatever point you're at. 
xx


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## Katie2015

Hi everybody,

We’re in stage 1 of the adoption. We formally registered our interest on 9th July so we should hopefully have stage 1 completed by 9th September.

Looking for some others going through the process at any stage and hoping we can all be a little support team or agony aunts when it all gets a bit much. 

Cara J I’m really shocked to hear this and so sorry you’re having to go through such an awful experience. Please don’t give up hope though as I’m sure you’ll be perfect parents to a little one! I’m shocked they wouldn’t have considered their decision based on his Aspergers early in the process as it’s cruel for you to get so far, then have your hopes dashed. I wish you all the luck in the world and have my fingers crossed for you. 

We’ve completed all of our paperwork (they don’t want to know much do they?) and all our family and friends have sent back their references. They’ve had our medicals and now just waiting for my consultant to speak to the medical person and the referee interviews now I think 🤔 

Where is everyone else in this gruelling but exciting process? Xx


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## Diddy692

Hi Everyone,

DH and I started exploring adoption in January this year following 3 failed attempts at IVF including a BFP which relsuted in MC. 

I am pleased to say that after a slow start we are now in stage 2 of the process with One Adoption (Yorkshire) and we have a panel date of 25 October!! 
It seems that we are a little further into the process than some so feel free to ask any questions you may have.
We had another of our weekly SW visits this morning and I felt very upbeat and motivated to do something so I went out and bought all the bits and pieces I wanted for our little girl's (to be) family book, I've also ordered her a teddy bear today which I can't wait to arrive!
We are hoping to adopt a little girl between the age of 2 and 5. We have been warned to expect a lull after panel but on the same hand have been told that our SW's last 4-5 cases resulted in almost immediate linking/matching!
I have to admit to feeling so much more positive about the potential outcome of this process  and I am thoroughly enjoying the weekly SW visits as it feels like something is happening.  Stage 1 did feel a little slow and I was sick of all the form filling by the end of it.

Anyway, if anyone would like to get in touch - please feel free! 

Good luck to you all. 

Diddy692 xx


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## Helenbeau

Hello ladies,
I'm jumping onto this board as I'm not sure where else to try so I hope this is the right place.
I'd like to start the process of adoption. Where do I start? Local authority? Volunteer agnecy? I'm happy to adopt abroad. I just don't know where to begin. I'm single, 41 and live in North London.
Any basic step by step tips for to start off this process greatly appreciated.
xxx


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## Barbados Girl

Hi Helenbeau. As a fellow North London adopter I can highly recommend the North London Adoption Consortium. Son one was placed via one of their LAs and so two via another. I have found them excellent.


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## Angelmummy77

Hello lovely ladies.

I have started my adoption journey with my DH. We have recently done our prep course, which was very intense. We have been allocated our social worker and have had our first assessment done (only another 10 to go). There is so much information about, I’m finding it a little overwhelming at the moment. How is everyone else doing?


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## lil stephy

Hi everyone, hope it’s ok to join u on here. Me and my partner have just been for the info session which went really well and then we had a little interview at the end with a social worker, we’re just waiting for the registration of interest form to come through so we can get that back and start stage one. 
We’re very excited but also nervous, we have had so many rounds of ivf fresh and frozen and even egg shared we have 2 angel baby’s and we have our beautiful 7year old daughter from our 2nd ivf cycle. 
We haven’t told our daughter yet about what we are about to embark on as I think it’s to soon to tell her but once we’re in stage 2 we will chat wiv her. But I no she will be over the moon and very excited as she is so desperate for a sister 😊 xx


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## onolyn

I hope they will become best friends!


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## lil stephy

I hope so also 😊 🤞 x


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## andrea75

Myself and DF have made our initial enquiries about adoption. Team leader aiming to meet us on 18th Feb if I can get off work. Excited and curious to see how it all works since we are quite a remote area.


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## lil stephy

That’s brilliantly news crazycat 😊 

We sent our ROI form back Monday so just waiting to hear if we can start stage one x


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## andrea75

lil stephy said:


> That's brilliantly news crazycat &#128522;
> 
> We sent our ROI form back Monday so just waiting to hear if we can start stage one x


Exciting times ahead... hopefully you hear soon xx


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## onolyn

look forward to continuing


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## lil stephy

Onolyn are u going through it or have u been through adoption?

Me and my DF are really excited and very eager to no if we’re getting on to stage one hopefully by next week we should no. We just want to get going lol x


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## kayza27

Hi me and my partner have just received our application documents. We are in a rented property but haven't asked our landlord for permission yet, I know we should of done that first but now is the time!

I'm quite nervous about talking to him, not because I think he will say no but I can't work out what to say to him. I'm not very good and putting things together hahaha.

We are very excited, haven't managed to read through all the comments sorry. Where is everyone from? 

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## andrea75

kayza27 said:


> Hi me and my partner have just received our application documents. We are in a rented property but haven't asked our landlord for permission yet, I know we should of done that first but now is the time!
> 
> I'm quite nervous about talking to him, not because I think he will say no but I can't work out what to say to him. I'm not very good and putting things together hahaha.
> 
> We are very excited, haven't managed to read through all the comments sorry. Where is everyone from?


Hi Kayza27. I'm not sure how to say it but is there room for a child in the property? I suppose it's awkward coz you wouldn't normally tell him. Do you need to? I mean if you conceived naturally would you tell him?

Have you been to an prep course? Me and DF have a meeting on 18th to discuss things then hopefully get onto prep course and see how it goes. I'm from the very north of Scotland


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## kayza27

Yes a spare room. If you rent you have to ask landlord permission it's in the adoption guidelines down here. We've been to an open evening but didn't know we had to go to a prep course 

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## lil stephy

Oh I never New u had to ask permission but suppose when u 1st agreed to rent u signed and declared it was u and dp so kinda makes sense to have a chat with landlord but if u have a nice one I shouldn’t see it being an issue for u. 

In stage one u do have training course/prep course think that’s standard from any agency 

Let us know how u get on xx


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## kayza27

lil stephy said:


> Oh I never New u had to ask permission but suppose when u 1st agreed to rent u signed and declared it was u and dp so kinda makes sense to have a chat with landlord but if u have a nice one I shouldn't see it being an issue for u.
> 
> In stage one u do have training course/prep course think that's standard from any agency
> 
> Let us know how u get on xx


Yrs we did. I'm sure he will be fine with it I'm probably worrying for no reason. Oh yes that would make sense for stage one. Hopefully I can get to stage one soon.

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## andrea75

Sorry I read my message and I worded it wrong...I meant I wasn’t sure how to word it to himnot about asking you about a spare room.  Being upfront and honest is the best way tho..I’m sure he’ll be fine with it tho  🙂. Do you need to put it in writing? 

Anyways seems the prep course etc is standard...I’m just hoping it’s fairly close by


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## kayza27

Crazycats42 said:


> Sorry I read my message and I worded it wrong...I meant I wasn't sure how to word it to himnot about asking you about a spare room. Being upfront and honest is the best way tho..I'm sure he'll be fine with it tho . Do you need to put it in writing?
> 
> Anyways seems the prep course etc is standard...I'm just hoping it's fairly close by


Don't worry I knew what you meant. No I don't think it has to be in writing, I should check that.

I'm hoping it will be a straight forward process but my experience of life so far is that nothing seems to be straight forward for me haha.

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## andrea75

I’m with you on that. Hopefully all 3 of us have or at least be on the way to having a family by Xmas xx


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## kayza27

Crazycats42 said:


> I'm with you on that. Hopefully all 3 of us have or at least be on the way to having a family by Xmas xx


Hopefully all three xx

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## lil stephy

These boards seem to be very quite it’s nice u ladies are on here and at same stage 😊 


Hopefully we will all go though it together and be able to extend our family’s 😊 x


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## andrea75

I know... I keep checking all the time. Be interested to see how things differ between our areas x


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## kayza27

lil stephy said:


> These boards seem to be very quite it's nice u ladies are on here and at same stage
> 
> Hopefully we will all go though it together and be able to extend our family's  x


Have you got children already or will these/ this be your firsts? Obviously if you want to answer.

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## lil stephy

Kayza yes I do already have a daughter she is 7 now, she was our 2nd ivf icsi cycle baby, we lost our 1st ivf baby at 10/11 weeks, we have had about 9/10 cycles of ivf now we did get pregnant 3 years ago but even tho baby was perfect wiv heart beat and everything I had to terminate the pregnancy as baby was growing in my c section scar so I could of lost my life if my womb opened 😢 most heartbreaking thing to ever have to go through esp after an ivf cycle. But we’re very lucky to have my daughter. 
But she wants a sister so desperately and we want to grow our family so this is our next step x


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## lil stephy

U can prob see my daughter under my name to the side 😊 she is my world x


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## kayza27

lil stephy said:


> Kayza yes I do already have a daughter she is 7 now, she was our 2nd ivf icsi cycle baby, we lost our 1st ivf baby at 10/11 weeks, we have had about 9/10 cycles of ivf now we did get pregnant 3 years ago but even tho baby was perfect wiv heart beat and everything I had to terminate the pregnancy as baby was growing in my c section scar so I could of lost my life if my womb opened  most heartbreaking thing to ever have to go through esp after an ivf cycle. But we're very lucky to have my daughter.
> But she wants a sister so desperately and we want to grow our family so this is our next step x


Oh what a pretty little girl x sorry to hear your story that's very sad and very unlucky!!! Don't know how you managed to pick up the pieces xxxxxx hope adoption works out for you and your little girl.

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## lil stephy

Aww thank u, she is a little beauty 🥰 I no I’m bias lol she is my everything but very full of attitude right now 🙈 she thinks she is a teenager lol 

I’m not gonna lie it’s been a really rough road but I have had great support from this site, friends, family and DF and after my daughter came along she has made me keep going 😊 x


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## andrea75

She’s a gorgeous wee girl. So sorry for what you’ve been through.

I lost twin girls at 21wks...infection and strep b. 1st IVF cycle with my ex. Be 10yrs this April. No a sniff of a pregnancy since. Been through 5 fresh and 1 frozen  cycle in total.  We had thought of going to Prague. We’d gone and had consultation etc but we both couldn’t agree on donor eggs.  Clinic willing to try with my eggs but was told over 3yrs ago to move to donor. Anyways I’m rambling on now. Sorry 😐


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## lil stephy

Aww sorry to here that crazycats 😢 so heartbreaking. Ivf is a tough road esp when things don’t go to plan. 
My daughter was a twin but we lost the other at 7wks so very very early. 

I really hope this new adoption journey will be your time, being a mum is just amazing and hard work lol but totally worth everything x


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## kayza27

I've done 5 ivf cycles. 2 fresh and 3 donor. None successful unfortunately, never even seen a positive pregnancy test it's like it's a myth at this point, 10 years in the making!.

Hopefully this new journey will be what we were preparing for all along xx 

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## lil stephy

Bless u Hun sorry to hear that,  but ur right maybe this is the path ur life has been heading u towards. 
There’s so many children out there that need extra special parents/family’s that will love them forever and just think how rewarding it will be to give the best life to them 😊


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## CopperBird

Sorry to butt in, I've not been on here for a while as my fertility journey is over. 
Now we are nearing the end of stage 2 of the adoption process and waiting for panel, eek. 
Nothing in our fertility journey went well, it was a disaster from start to finish but so far the adoption process has been amazing. We've had a lovely social worker and its gone well so far. Really nervous for panel though!!

Good luck to everyone starting the process. Based on my experience its all good. Its very different from fertility battles but in a positive way. I'm really hoping we will be a family soon. Xx


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## lil stephy

Hey copperbird so nice to hear u have had a great experience of the adoption journey so far I’m sure panel will be fine for u it sure sounds like it will 😊 and then u will have ur family 😊 so exciting for u xx


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## andrea75

CopperBird said:


> Sorry to butt in, I've not been on here for a while as my fertility journey is over.
> Now we are nearing the end of stage 2 of the adoption process and waiting for panel, eek.
> Nothing in our fertility journey went well, it was a disaster from start to finish but so far the adoption process has been amazing. We've had a lovely social worker and its gone well so far. Really nervous for panel though!!
> 
> Good luck to everyone starting the process. Based on my experience its all good. Its very different from fertility battles but in a positive way. I'm really hoping we will be a family soon. Xx


Lovely to hear from you CopperBird.. nice to hear that your experience has been good. Good luck with the panel..do you have to attend? When did you start the process? Also where about are you based? Xx

*Kayza* seems we've all had a rough time with our fertility journeys. This is what we've been meant to be doing x

*lil Stephy* thankyou. You're wee girl will be excited at being a big sister xx


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## lil stephy

Oh yes she will literally be over the moon and the proudest big sister 😊 x


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## kayza27

Crazycats42 said:


> CopperBird said:
> 
> 
> 
> Sorry to butt in, I've not been on here for a while as my fertility journey is over.
> Now we are nearing the end of stage 2 of the adoption process and waiting for panel, eek.
> Nothing in our fertility journey went well, it was a disaster from start to finish but so far the adoption process has been amazing. We've had a lovely social worker and its gone well so far. Really nervous for panel though!!
> 
> Good luck to everyone starting the process. Based on my experience its all good. Its very different from fertility battles but in a positive way. I'm really hoping we will be a family soon. Xx
> 
> 
> 
> Lovely to hear from you CopperBird.. nice to hear that your experience has been good. Good luck with the panel..do you have to attend? When did you start the process? Also where about are you based? Xx
> 
> *Kayza* seems we've all had a rough time with our fertility journeys. This is what we've been meant to be doing x
> 
> *lil Stephy* thankyou. You're wee girl will be excited at being a big sister xx
Click to expand...

Yes totally agree x

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## lil stephy

Hey ladies hope u have all had lovely weekends, I’m hoping to hear back this week to see if we have made it to stage one  🤞 we have x


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## andrea75

Fingers crossed for you 🤞🏼 

Anyone obsessed with looking for information?  I’m looking on here, online, Instagram, for any info to tell me what to expect.  Sadly I know no one in our area that’s adopted.  We are too far away from VA to be helped so we have to go with LA. Anway I’m rambling again...


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## lil stephy

I have been the same Hun don’t worry, I think it’s totally normal for us to drive ourself insane over info gathering lol 😝 

I have just received an email saying we have been invited into stage one and our info pack ect will be posted to us but we have been given dates for the dbs form checking and workshop, then we have another day course for adopting and then the last workshop is adopting when we already have a child. We’re so excited, can’t believe it’s now becoming real 😊 x


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## andrea75

lil stephy said:


> I have been the same Hun don't worry, I think it's totally normal for us to drive ourself insane over info gathering lol &#128541;
> 
> I have just received an email saying we have been invited into stage one and our info pack ect will be posted to us but we have been given dates for the dbs form checking and workshop, then we have another day course for adopting and then the last workshop is adopting when we already have a child. We're so excited, can't believe it's now becoming real &#128522; x


OMG that's brilliant news! Delighted for you...sorry must go back to work. Will speak more later xx


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## eyes

I hope you done mind me joining in. we are doing inter country adoption so maybe not 100% suitable for this forum? We are in middle of our stage one. Sounds a very daunting process and I know no one who has done Intercountry and can advise.


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## lil stephy

Hi eyes, can I ask what is intercounty adoption? Is that from Abroad? Sorry to sound dumb. 
Where abouts are u based? 

How r u finding stage one? X


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## eyes

Inter country is adoption from abroad. You still have to follow the same process in UK as within country adoption and then apply to where ever you want to adopt from and wait for them to complete matching etc. So I guess its  bit longer and expensive as you have to pay for it yourself. It is quite detailed in stage one, we are still half way through it.


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## lil stephy

Ahhh yes I see, I never realised with that you would have to do the whole thing here and then extra with the country you choose, how have you found the whole stage one so far? Have u done any workshops/courses yet? 
Do you no how much medicals are to get? Obviously I will pay anything but I have no clue what the going rate for this stuff is lol x


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## eyes

Hi 
If you are adopting from UK you won't have to pay for the medicals. Otherwise it depends on your GP, each one has its own price list. 
Stage one so far has been ok, just a lot of paperwork which we are still doing. Yes, we have attended some courses, there are more to attend next month. Have to say they were really good


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## lil stephy

I think I gotta get used to all the paperwork 🙈 it’s one thing I hate form filling lol but needs must.

Oh ok, will see what my gp says then I don’t mind either way just nice to be Pre warned for the costs lol x


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## eyes

Ours took £140 per person. But I've heard people have had it for a lot less as well.


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## andrea75

Hi eyes. Lovely to hear from you.. nice that you are going through stage 1 at the moment so you can help us when our time comes.  Have you chosen which country you will be adopting from?


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## eyes

Hi Crazycat
No we havent decided yet but are looking at Morocco. So hard to decide! Are you adopting from UK?


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## lil stephy

That’s really exciting eyes, and there are many other country’s to choose from have u been in contact with anyone from morocco or anywhere yet or just going through the motions here in uk first?


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## eyes

I met a few people at the course who were adopting from Morocco. I think the positives ive heard about it is that the wait time is relatively short. We still have some time to decide as it needs to be done before stage 2 starts. Also looked at Turkey, india and Pakistan. All seem good tbh


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## lil stephy

Well it all sounds good 😊 would love to hear how u get on hopefully u will stick around in this group x


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## eyes

Yes definitely, look forward to being here. Will definitely learn a lot from you all. As far as i understand the UK part is the same for everyone. So we can all support each other. And so far it hasnt been bad, just lots of paperwork but atleast you know there is light at the end of it all.


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## lil stephy

That’s lovely eyes 😊 be nice to share our journeys x

Oh boy I have been emailed the stage one workbook yikes it’s a lot to write and think about, I’m sure we will fill it in just fine tho 

Hope everyone is ok x


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## kayza27

I'm still filling out the paper work!! Me and other half are working opposite shifts at the moment so it's tricky! Our forms just say 3 references but doesn't specify whether that is each or combined, any ideas?? 

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## andrea75

kayza27 said:


> I'm still filling out the paper work!! Me and other half are working opposite shifts at the moment so it's tricky! Our forms just say 3 references but doesn't specify whether that is each or combined, any ideas??


I'd be interested about that answer too. I don't speak to DF's family &#128546;


----------



## kayza27

Crazycats42 said:


> kayza27 said:
> 
> 
> 
> I'm still filling out the paper work!! Me and other half are working opposite shifts at the moment so it's tricky! Our forms just say 3 references but doesn't specify whether that is each or combined, any ideas??
> 
> 
> 
> I'd be interested about that answer too. I don't speak to DF's family
Click to expand...

I've just had an email. I've been told 3 between us. 2 independent so one each from someone then 1 from one of our family members.

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## lil stephy

Hi ladies yes with references it has to one family member and 2 people that know both of u and have done for a good amount of years x


----------



## eyes

It might be different for us but we were asked to give 3 references each. 2 friends and one family.


----------



## andrea75

So it’s different criteria for some. Oh well guess we just see what happens.


----------



## kayza27

I hope it's not someone that knows us both as we don't have anyone! I have friends and he has friends!!!! Lol 

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## andrea75

I’ve been making a start on our spare room. Got rid of a freezer. Lots to do but decorator has us booked in on 6th May to paint it all.  Excited as been 4.5yrs as a dumping ground.  Never even put a carpet in it when we moved in.

A week tomorrow til we meet with the Team Lead. DF been opening up on his past. He’s worried about his sand his family history with mental health.  I had depression after my relationship with ex broke down, although probably a mix of delayed grief too...

Hope you’ve all had a lovely weekend x


----------



## kaytt

Hi ladies. I am just jumping in. Hope nobody minds. I am right at the beginning of the process after many failed ivfs. Me and DH have been to an information evening and we have chosen the VA we want to go with. Problem is we are moving cities. I am trying to decide whether to stay in current job and commute or find new job in Oxford before stating the process as I do not want to wait another year or so before applying as I can't imagine a new employment being happy with me starting the adoption process so soon into starting the new job. So my question is what kind of employment reference do you need?. What do they ask the employer etc?. Does anyone know? Or have any advice?


----------



## lil stephy

Hi kaytt unfortunately I don’t no the answer to ur questions yet as we r very early on in the process ourself and they haven’t yet spoke to our work, I’d like to know tho. 

If it was me I prob wouldn’t change job at beginning of the adoption journey as I no they do like u to have as much time off wiv ur child when they are placed and a new job most likely wouldn’t accommodate that, be great if they did tho. 

Where abouts are u based? 

Hooe everyone is well xx


----------



## eyes

Hi Kaytt
They asked our employers re my length of employment, pay, any disciplinary stuff and any issues at work. 
My husband changed his job as we started our process and they did not seem to mind it, just sent it to his previous employer. 
Adoption leave as far as I know requires you yo be in a job for 16 weeks for employers to support your leave but i might be wrong, please double check with https://www.gov.uk/employers-adoption-pay-leave.
Hope this helps


----------



## eyes

My husband changed his job as we started our process and they did not seem to mind it, just sent it to his previous employer.---- apologies was not very clear here. I meant the adoption agency sent references to his old employer as they had known him for a while rather than new ones.


----------



## kaytt

Thank you for your replies. Lil stephy we are based in Oxford but I still work in London and commute somedays and stay with my mum a couple of days a week. I am very stuck with what the best thing to do is at the moment. I think getting a job in Oxford and settling here properly would probably be best but I just don't want to delay any longer as it already takes a while. However the employment reference stage is stage 2 so would be fairly soon. My current employment is all men and very macho so not sure how comfortable I would be about sharing my future plans. I know that sounds silly but it is how I feel. Then on the other hand I can't start a new job and then ask for a reference for adoption within the first couple of months. Anyway thank you for your advise. I guess we will have to bite the bullet either way.


----------



## kayza27

We've said we would consider siblings, would they need a room each do you think?

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## lil stephy

I believe they do need there own rooms x


----------



## andrea75

Today went well... the person we expected couldn’t make it so sent her male colleague who was still a trainee.  He was lovely...well informed and put us at ease 

He went through process, and told us there was a prep course end of next month for 3 days!  I’ve managed to juggle my shifts but now waiting on OH to see if he can get the time off. If not they can’t say when next one will, be as it depends on numbers.

Said process should then take 6month til approval 🤞🏼

Matching obviously is dependant and can’t give timescale.  We were told likelihood of a child between 0-3 is highly unlikely 😢 

So we now wait until OH hears from his boss...


----------



## kayza27

Oh that's good crazycat. We are also looking for a child 0-3 but as that is the most popular age we were also told that it might be a longer wait but we also have said we would take siblings so hopefully that will make it a little faster.

I asked a couple of people about the room situation and have had half and half response. So I'm hoping they can share but we will see.

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## kayza27

lil stephy said:


> I believe they do need there own rooms x


Thanks for the response. For some reason I don't get notifications!

I'm still hoping they will be able to share, I've asked a couple of people and have had mixed responses.

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## lil stephy

If u go along where it says pages to the left of the page if u look the other side u can click notify and that will let u no if u have any reply’s to the page. 

Maybe if u had same sex siblings they maybe able to share but I do believe they need to have there own room. 

How is everyone? 
Crazycats things seem to be going well ur end x


----------



## kayza27

lil stephy said:


> If u go along where it says pages to the left of the page if u look the other side u can click notify and that will let u no if u have any reply's to the page.
> 
> Maybe if u had same sex siblings they maybe able to share but I do believe they need to have there own room.
> 
> How is everyone?
> Crazycats things seem to be going well ur end x


Thank you. Yes I've done that, over the years it's usually worked, for some reason it's just this particularly forum that I don't get them

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## lil stephy

Oh that’s very strange 🤔 not sure y it’s not working x


----------



## LuckyE

Hello, may I join? 

I have read the thread from the beginning - I wish you all the best of luck but it all seems to be going well.. 

I and am following the adoption process slowly. Over the last few years whilst doing IVF I have been to several LA open days and had a few one to ones. I just haven't been ready. Now I feel I am. 

I have chosen my LA and had a nice telephone conversation with the lady. I am going to have a meeting with them next week. If I pass that then I go on to Stage 1 I believe...

It was a really invasive interview. Finances, relationships... I ended up crying on the phone when she asked me why I wanted to adopt. I have always wanted to adopt and feel I have come round in a complete circle. Think it's the exhaustion of IVF. 

The Lady seemed fine with my IVF history as I am starting this without the 6 month gap but I did sat I wanted to do the workshop 6 months from when I last did IVF.

So that's where I'm at.  Still feel a bit drained after that talk. 

LuckyE


----------



## kayza27

LuckyE said:


> Hello, may I join?
> 
> I have read the thread from the beginning - I wish you all the best of luck but it all seems to be going well..
> 
> I and am following the adoption process slowly. Over the last few years whilst doing IVF I have been to several LA open days and had a few one to ones. I just haven't been ready. Now I feel I am.
> 
> I have chosen my LA and had a nice telephone conversation with the lady. I am going to have a meeting with them next week. If I pass that then I go on to Stage 1 I believe...
> 
> It was a really invasive interview. Finances, relationships... I ended up crying on the phone when she asked me why I wanted to adopt. I have always wanted to adopt and feel I have come round in a complete circle. Think it's the exhaustion of IVF.
> 
> The Lady seemed fine with my IVF history as I am starting this without the 6 month gap but I did sat I wanted to do the workshop 6 months from when I last did IVF.
> 
> So that's where I'm at. Still feel a bit drained after that talk.
> 
> LuckyE


Welcome luckyE. Yes it is very invasive isn't it! We've got our meeting tomorrow ekk and we are also only 7 month after last IVF round! Looks like we are in similar boats. I'm hoping it goes well tomorrow and that we get cleared quickly.

I've you gone for single or siblings adoption if you don't mind me asking x

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## andrea75

LuckyE said:


> Hello, may I join?
> 
> I have read the thread from the beginning - I wish you all the best of luck but it all seems to be going well..
> 
> I and am following the adoption process slowly. Over the last few years whilst doing IVF I have been to several LA open days and had a few one to ones. I just haven't been ready. Now I feel I am.
> 
> I have chosen my LA and had a nice telephone conversation with the lady. I am going to have a meeting with them next week. If I pass that then I go on to Stage 1 I believe...
> 
> It was a really invasive interview. Finances, relationships... I ended up crying on the phone when she asked me why I wanted to adopt. I have always wanted to adopt and feel I have come round in a complete circle. Think it's the exhaustion of IVF.
> 
> The Lady seemed fine with my IVF history as I am starting this without the 6 month gap but I did sat I wanted to do the workshop 6 months from when I last did IVF.
> 
> So that's where I'm at. Still feel a bit drained after that talk.
> 
> LuckyE


Hi Lucky E

Wow you had all that discussions in a phone call! No wonder you're drained &#128564;

When is your workshops? Is this like the prep groups prior to stage 1? That's what we have to do first but think things vary depending on area.

*kayza* have you said about siblings? Realistically we would probably just say single as financially more would put a strain on us, plus we only have one spare room


----------



## LuckyE

Thanks for the welcome xx 

@craxycats42 - yes it was long. And this next interview will be more of the same. Yes, this is all pre-interrogation. Then they'll put the results to a panel to decide if I can do stage 1. So I'm at the very start. 

Stage 1 I think is when they start looking into me and I have to go to some training days. 

@kayza - think you are well ahead of me. What meeting do you have? The woman didn't mention any paperwork for this meeting. But maybe each Authority is different. Sending you good vibes for tomorrow   

At this moment I am open. As a single I doubt I could handle siblings... 

The spare room thing - if they were of the same sex not sure why they can't share??


----------



## kayza27

LuckyE said:


> Thanks for the welcome xx
> 
> @craxycats42 - yes it was long. And this next interview will be more of the same. Yes, this is all pre-interrogation. Then they'll put the results to a panel to decide if I can do stage 1. So I'm at the very start.
> 
> Stage 1 I think is when they start looking into me and I have to go to some training days.
> 
> @kayza - think you are well ahead of me. What meeting do you have? The woman didn't mention any paperwork for this meeting. But maybe each Authority is different. Sending you good vibes for tomorrow
> 
> At this moment I am open. As a single I doubt I could handle siblings...
> 
> The spare room thing - if they were of the same sex not sure why they can't share??


I think the paper work I handed in was all the same stuff that you did over the phone. So i think my appointment today is the same one as yours next week.

I don't see why you can't have siblings as a single.

Yes I'm hoping that it will be ok for them to share but we will find out today xx

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## LuckyE

How did the meeting go Kayza?


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## lil stephy

Hi ya girls sorry I’ve not been on its been so busy. 

Hi luckyE and welcome 

Kayza yes how did ur meeting go? 

How are things going wiv u crazycats? 

For us we’re well into stage one we had our workbook workshop which was great, we have had our home health and safety and finance check which went great. We have a one day workshop on Monday to go to and we have nearly completed our workbooks for stage one. We have done our dbs checks which have come back already we’re just in process of sorting our medicals out. 

All our references have been contacted and they have all done what they needed to and been sent back aswell and also they have also already got in contact wiv my daughters school and they have filled bits out about her 

So all go on my end it’s been quite crazy so far lol x


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## andrea75

Hi lil stephy wow things are moving fairly quickly with yourself. You mentioned health and safely check. I haven’t even thought about how our house isn’t very friendly! Must get looking to see what we need. What kinda things did they say?  

Kayza looking forward to hearing how your meeting went today? 

LuckyE I haven’t had any form of interrogation yet 🤔 guess we have that to look forward to 

AFM we still haven’t received any letter confirming our place at prep group. I emailed the team leader and she said it would be on the way. We need to know if we need to book accommodation as were 1.5hrs away and may not feel like doing the round trip each day


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## LuckyE

Hi all

freaked out too when I read about your health check Lil stephy. I'm refurbishing my flat after having the tenants from hell and I'm putting in a walk in shower! that is not very child friendly although when I was on holiday with my sister and her kids, they loved it! 

Really curious as to what they say, too. 

Crazycats - so glad it's been such a smooth ride for you. Yeah, that phonecall felt very invasive but it has to be so dreading the meeting. They booked me in but I haven't had confirmation yet. I'm gonna chase.  What's that meeting like?


----------



## kayza27

Give everyone, so I didn't get back to you sooner just been really busy sorting things out!

Meeting went fairly well, I think they are just concerned about our finances as we have a fair bit of debt left over from medical loan from all the IVF!! What a waist of time that was! But after explaining that we have more than enough each month they seemed fairly satisfied lol. Out assessor said he is happy to put us through so now we are just waiting on final confirmation from the top boss!

We spent last weekend making our house child friendly just incase they do a spot visit! That was not fun. Still hoping they will be fine with the fish tanks though!

We are now onto putting our information/light reading! portfolio together!!!!!

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## lil stephy

The home healthy and safety check isint that bad girls don’t worry, they will look round each room of ur house and check windows and if they feel anything needs to be changed b4 any children come they will let u no what it is but they are not looking out for bad things they just advise u so u can get ur house child safe. 

Kayza I’m glad it went well don’t worry I’m sure u will be fine and go through to the next stage x


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## andrea75

Kayza glad to hear things went well today. When will you find it if you’re accepted? 

Lil stephy that doesn’t sound too bad then. I’m sure they won’t be happy with all my Scentsy burners and wee nicknacks 🙈. Oh did I ever mention the room with OH’s 3 snakes?  We had the team leader out over a year ago when we were initially thinking of adoption. We were told then we’d need a lock on the door and it shouldn’t be a problem. Must get that sorted soon. 

LuckyE we’ve only had an initial chat. I’m sure things won’t be so easy for us in the future.. when do you get to send your ROI in?  No ones mentioned it to us but maybe that’s when we go to Prep Group x


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## andrea75

Pity there’s not a private group we could all chat on. Like ********


----------



## kayza27

Crazycats42 said:


> Kayza glad to hear things went well today. When will you find it if you're accepted?
> 
> Lil stephy that doesn't sound too bad then. I'm sure they won't be happy with all my Scentsy burners and wee nicknacks . Oh did I ever mention the room with OH's 3 snakes? We had the team leader out over a year ago when we were initially thinking of adoption. We were told then we'd need a lock on the door and it shouldn't be a problem. Must get that sorted soon.
> 
> LuckyE we've only had an initial chat. I'm sure things won't be so easy for us in the future.. when do you get to send your ROI in? No ones mentioned it to us but maybe that's when we go to Prep Group x


The assessor said hopefully early next week

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----------



## LuckyE

kayza - glad you feel confident about the meeting. Great that they were flexible about finances. Sounds really positive. 

Crazycats - 3 snakes!!  I wouldn't be able to sleep at night in your house.   . I think after the meeting next week things start rolling. I looked at their time scale thing and it seems like all the investigations start then - if I pass. No one has mentioned ROI to me but yeah, think it's around then. 

I know how you feel, Crazycats, about wanting a private group. Feels a bit exposed. My old clinic set up one - everyone's on there now. There are a few people on there who have adopted successfully - babies. It's been really inspiring. I'm open as to what I want to adopt but it's great to see that after their IVF struggles they are so happy.


----------



## andrea75

LuckyE said:


> Crazycats - 3 snakes!! I wouldn't be able to sleep at night in your house.  . I think after the meeting next week things start rolling. I looked at their time scale thing and it seems like all the investigations start then - if I pass. No one has mentioned ROI to me but yeah, think it's around then.
> 
> I know how you feel, Crazycats, about wanting a private group. Feels a bit exposed. My old clinic set up one - everyone's on there now. There are a few people on there who have adopted successfully - babies. It's been really inspiring. I'm open as to what I want to adopt but it's great to see that after their IVF struggles they are so happy.


The snakes don't bother me most of the time. I forget they are there. Although some nights I can hear their tanks creaking so I know they're having a move around. Usually when OH's at work

Yeh sometimes I feel that anyone can actually read this. Not that they'll be able to know who we are.

I would love a baby/toddler but know that maybe that's not realistic. I follow people on social media (I set up my own adoption page on IG), and most have been matched with baby/toddlers.


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## lil stephy

Do u all have **?


----------



## lil stephy

I cancan give mine if u private message me x


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## lil stephy

It won’t let me reply to ur messages 😡😡 have no idea y


----------



## kayza27

What about ******** or ** messenger 

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## kayza27

That's not what I wrote! Guessing you can't write the names of other social media messenger groups then lol 

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## andrea75

kayza27 said:


> That's not what I wrote! Guessing you can't write the names of other social media messenger groups then lol
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk


That's what happened to me! The mods presumably don't want us using social media names as it will be seen as advertising...I think


----------



## kayza27

W.a.t.s.a.p.p 
or 
f.a.c.e.b.o.o.k m.e.s.s.e.n.g.e.r

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## andrea75

lil stephy said:


> It won't let me reply to ur messages &#128545;&#128545; have no idea y


I can't reply either!


----------



## andrea75

kayza27 said:


> W.a.t.s.a.p.p
> or
> f.a.c.e.b.o.o.k m.e.s.s.e.n.g.e.r


&#128514;&#128514;&#128514;


----------



## lil stephy

😂😂 I have both of them, let me try message u separately and see if that works x


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## kayza27

Ok x 

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## lil stephy

Nope it keeps coming up that I don’t have permission on this server have no idea y as I’ve never had any issues b4 😞


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## andrea75

Can’t reply ☹


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## lil stephy

It’s so strange, I can get ur messages but can’t reply to them, I think I’ve just connected to u crazycats, if anyone wants to message me there names I can try find u also then I can join us all to one group x


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## LuckyE

will do xx


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## LuckyE

So I chased for my confirmation and I got it. Phew. Only to find out that the SW can't do that time! Thank God I chased. It does feel a little bit disorganised....

I mentioned this to my friend who adopted with another LA who "has more resources" and he said he had to chase constantly..

Maybe they're just too busy dealing with children who are their priority. 

is anyone else with an LA?  Or VA?


----------



## Angelmummy77

Hello lovelies. I hope you don’t mind me joining your thread. I’ve gone through most of the adoption process, we are waiting for a panel date for April. How are you all going with your journey? Xx


----------



## LuckyE

Hi angel mummy, how was the experience?  How long did it take from start to finish? Any tips?


----------



## Bisiah

where is everybody?


----------



## kayza27

Most of us went onto a private chat because it was easier xx

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## lil stephy

Sorry been so busy, I still get notified when messages come up but I get side tracked 🙈 
How are u all? 
We finally got our workbook in yayyyy and I also finally got my medical done and in aswell so very pleased, so now we just wait and see if we have got through to stage 2 🤞 


How is everyone?


----------



## Bisiah

oh...ok thanks


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## kayza27

Bisiah said:


> where is everybody?


Sorry that sounded a bit harsh. Let's start again. 
I've just started stage 1. Just ordered the book they suggested so waiting for that to arrive. We have our first two day training on 4th/5th April xx

How about you?

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## LuckyE

Hey Bisiah, what stage are you at?

I haven't started stage one. Waiting for feedback from one LA and then going for a meeting with another on Thursday to see if it's only a 6 month wait after IVF as the 1st one said I'd have to wait up to a year.


----------



## kaytt

Hi everyone. Gosh it seems a bit of a shame everyone went on a private chat. It was good listening to everyone's experiences. I am just starting out and wondering if anyone is still on here that has gone further in process and knows roughly how much time needed off work for training days etc?


----------



## kayza27

kaytt said:


> Hi everyone. Gosh it seems a bit of a shame everyone went on a private chat. It was good listening to everyone's experiences. I am just starting out and wondering if anyone is still on here that has gone further in process and knows roughly how much time needed off work for training days etc?


We've got our first 2 training days next week. Two training days in (stage one) and three in (stage 2)

So 5 days. Then I'm guessing any odd days for house assessments and visits to VA or LA. But I'm guessing that depend on the person/couple.

Oh and you have to go to a medical at doctors but that should only take about an hour.

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## kayza27

Oh I think everyone is on here still. We just have a separate private message for those who started out around the same time, it was just easier at the time xxxx

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## lil stephy

We are still here,  I always check me emails to tell me there has been a message but it has been quite. 
I’m in stage one which should finish beginning of April but it may be extended due to getting my medical back from the adoption teams private medical adviser as there is a back log of work 😩 hopefully won’t be to bad tho.


----------



## andrea75

Hi. I pop in every now & again but seen no recent messages. Anyways I’m currently on 3 day prep group prior to officially applying


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## LuckyE

You enjoying it Crazycats?


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## kaytt

Glad everyone is still on here and thanks for replying. Hope everyone is good and having more luck than me. We have just had a call from an agency we were interested in who said they would not offer us an initial interview due our debt. Even though we were told some ivf debt would be OK. Feel completely deflated at the start of this journey.


----------



## andrea75

LuckyE said:


> You enjoying it Crazycats?


Yes it's been really good. A lot of information we need to process. Also advised that due to needing more child experienced to not apply straight away as that will slow down assessments, as there are competencies we need to achieve.



kaytt said:


> Glad everyone is still on here and thanks for replying. Hope everyone is good and having more luck than me. We have just had a call from an agency we were interested in who said they would not offer us an initial interview due our debt. Even though we were told some ivf debt would be OK. Feel completely deflated at the start of this journey.


Oh seriously? We haven't even talked about money etc with them as that comes during assessment.


----------



## kayza27

kaytt said:


> Glad everyone is still on here and thanks for replying. Hope everyone is good and having more luck than me. We have just had a call from an agency we were interested in who said they would not offer us an initial interview due our debt. Even though we were told some ivf debt would be OK. Feel completely deflated at the start of this journey.


Well I can tell you we are in ALOT of debt due to ivf and we are half way through stage one. Agencies are different though x

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## kaytt

Yeah. It seems odd as we're told ivf debt was understandable. We were not even invited for a chat to go through it. We were asked to fill out a finance report before we were allowed to go for an initial meeting. So only ever spoken to one person on the phone and filled out one form. Seems a little unfair and weird.


----------



## kayza27

kaytt said:


> Yeah. It seems odd as we're told ivf debt was understandable. We were not even invited for a chat to go through it. We were asked to fill out a finance report before we were allowed to go for an initial meeting. So only ever spoken to one person on the phone and filled out one form. Seems a little unfair and weird.


We had the same thing. Filled it out before we spoke to them. Maybe it depends on how much you earn as well.

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## kaytt

Hi Kayza. Yeah maybe it does but we arent on a particularly low wage. I thought the whole point was adoption is not just for the rich. It's whether you can provide a safe and loving home with we are more than capable of. I think we might try and LA next. Perhaps they will be more willing to look into us a bit more. Can I ask are you with a LA or VA?


----------



## kayza27

kaytt said:


> Hi Kayza. Yeah maybe it does but we arent on a particularly low wage. I thought the whole point was adoption is not just for the rich. It's whether you can provide a safe and loving home with we are more than capable of. I think we might try and LA next. Perhaps they will be more willing to look into us a bit more. Can I ask are you with a LA or VA?


I'm with LA. And I totally agree with you. We arnt on a low wage. But have a fair amount of debt.
Where do you live if you don't mind me asking x

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## kaytt

We live in Oxford. Hopefully the LA might actually want to get to know us instead of judging us on one form.


----------



## kayza27

We are in Devon, I hope they don't either! Does seem a bit harsh!! Like you said, it should just be about a loving home 

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## kaytt

Or at least ask us some questions. How has yours been so far?


----------



## kayza27

Mines been pretty straight forward. We went in for an interview and explained the debt. We asked to be considered for siblings but they said due to the debt we might have to just have one. 

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## eyes

Hi All
Seems we have all been busy as the thread is a bit quiet. Just wanted to ask if any of us was asked why you had the number of IVF cycles before starting adoption process? We were asked and i wasnt sure except to say we were not ready before then?


----------



## andrea75

eyes said:


> Hi All
> Seems we have all been busy as the thread is a bit quiet. Just wanted to ask if any of us was asked why you had the number of IVF cycles before starting adoption process? We were asked and i wasnt sure except to say we were not ready before then?


Hi I've just received my application pack so haven't faced this yet. In my case I had two partners in all the time we were trying to conceive so that would be my answer.


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## CopperBird

I was just honest and said that we'd never considered adoption but when all the IVF cycles were unsuccessful we started to look into it and eventually reached a point where we just wanted a family rather than just a birth child.
Having treatment is nothing to be ashamed of, in fact its good to show you have been through it and come out the other side stronger and more determined.


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