# a maybe baby!



## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Hi just hoping someone can offer some words of wisdom.

Bubba sw came to see me a couple of weeks ago she said she wanted to bring later life letter i had a feeling there was more to it. Anyway bm is pregnant again. Sw said she is about 4-5 months but early days. It is a different bf so they have got to be looking at the situation and that is all she said

What happens  now feel like we have been left hanging and not really sure what to do now. I have only been back at work a month but was on annual leave for 6 weeks before going back. How long before i can vanish again? Any help would be gratefully received. Xx


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## sevsxp (Oct 1, 2012)

Hi....

All I can say is been there.......and life is great....

We found out the BM was pregnant for a second time, when she turned up at the court for the adoption hearing for our AS, 5 months pregnant.

The judge at the time was shocked, but our LA already had an action plan for the second one, it was then we found out about their plan.

We were approached in July and asked would be interested, AS had only been place with us for 12 months, but my wife and I had planned to approach our LA in January about a 2nd adoption, so it just brought it forward 6 months.

Although, nothing offical could be started until care order was in place for 2nd child, which wasnt going to be until after birth in Sept, our LA started the ball rolling with medicals, references etc.... it appears that once you have the adoption order for the 1st child, for the 2nd one you have to start again from square one, if we didnt have the adoption order all the medicals, references, reports would still be valid..... 

Anyway, Sept came, LO was born, care order was in place and the "offical" process could start, and once it did, boy was it quick !!

We got went to panel in Nov, both approval and matching panel at the same time, and then there was the issue of moving in..... because we were so close to christmas my wife and I wasnt too sure, thinking about delaying it until Jan, as it is a busy time anyway with out the extra emotional strain of a new one, plus we didnt want to ruin christmas for our AS, as all the attention would be on the new LO......however we discovered that LO needs a minor op in Feb, so it was agreed that he had to be very settled before then , so we did a pre christmas placement.

We started intros 5th Dec, and he moved in 15th Dec........ this was tough !!!!

The intial 3 weeks were very tough, we learnt to cope on 2hrs sleep, because of the festive period, our AS's nursery,playgroup,swimming were all closed, so his routine was not normal, with the addtion of the new LO, they were both fighting for attention, bad weather meant we couldnt get out the house very often, LO not sleeping very well due to new location, teething, colds etc, he was waking AS up every night, so basically all 4 of us were suffering from lack of sleep. On top of that the pressure to do the usual Xmas things, put tree and deco's up, send christmas cards, present buying,wrapping presents, visiting santa, visiting relatives.... it very nearly became too much...at one point our AS asked me when LO can go back home to his house, which although heartbreaking, gave us an excellent chance to chat about adoption,foster cares etc... however my wife and I have been together since we were 14 and have a very strong relationship, so we came through this...... 

once christmas was gone, AS started back at nursery, LO got rid of his cold and teeth arent as bad.... things could not be better........

They play together, big one looks after little one, loves to help at nappy time and is now official "poo checker" and tells us if it is a big one, small one or if he has an upset tummy....love bath time together, he brings paintings home from nursery, no longer are they for mummy and daddy, but for his brother......when they are both in the car seats, AS insists on holding O's hand.... it is the sweetest thing......

As for the practical side of it, my wife works in HR, for a government agency and has done for 22yrs, and they have been very good, so intially went on 6 mths adoption leave, then took and additional 6 months unpaid leave..... she had only been back 2 months, when she went on the 2nd, 6 month adoption leave...... so we cant complain, but not sure if all companies are this generous........ 

I hope this helps, and not too much wafffle...... but if you want to chat "offline" feel free to PM me at any time, and I can try and answer any questions.......

But good luck.... for us I thought our life was perfect when AS came into our life, now LO has moved in , I now know it's perfect.......


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Thanks. There is another couple from our prep course who r in same boat but bit further on but still don't really know much more however it sounds like our la are using concurrent so we would be fostering first. Its crazy times x


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

OMG OMG OMG !!! AAA!   
That was my first reaction, and about all I can manage atm as our sw just left a short while ago (our 1st hs visit for 2nd lo) and I'm just about to collect little man from pre-school. 
I just wanted to say.....Wowzers  !!

Will try to reply properly later.
Big hugs  , your minds must be all over the place since getting the news!

Anj x x


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Thanks anj we r all over the place doesn't help that we need to sell our flat find a house to rent and i am on waiting list for op eeekk but all good fun. Its so exciting just feel bit left in limbo land by social services.

Exciting times for us all Xx


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## Belliboo (Dec 23, 2007)

Aaa what great news, but know how you feel we are also in limbo land waiting to hear from SS about a half sibling, & just waiting to start assessment but sw we have been assigned to is off sick its so frustrating isn't it I wish in a way we hadn't been told anything until it was a definate little one for us as like you it is a different BF. 

Sevsxp congratulations on your little one, it was very interesting to read about the timescales, I can't believe the processes we have to go through again especially when we've only just gone through it all but I suppose they have guidelines they have to follow.

Anyway hope everything goes ok for you bet your on cloud 9 xxx


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Yeah totally agree wish they hadn't said anything until they know what is going to happen. It isn't like we can plan or prepare anything or even talk to bubba about it. Fingers  crossed it will all work out for us all. Xx


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## galaxy girl (Feb 12, 2008)

Aaa - wow! Hope it all works out . Did they tell you to find out if you wanted to declare an interest in this wee one? It does seem very early to bring it up . In terms of the work situation I think it should be fine. Colleagues of mine have come back from maternity leave pregnant and if course are entitled to further mat leave. This is surely the same thing but in adoption world. Getting cautiously excited for you!


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Gg We are guessing so it was a very odd conversation. Typical ss  i guess. Hope all is going well with you Xx


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Hi everyone. I am getting a bit frustrated. When did those of u that had or have a sibling on route hear something concrete?. I am guessing birth mum is now 5-6 months pregnant from the conversation i had with sw 5 weeks ago. She had bubba early so guessing this might well happen again and we still know nothing other than she is pregnant. Aaarrrggghhh  guess u soon forget how  frustrating ss can be.


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## Belliboo (Dec 23, 2007)

Hi we heard birth mother was pregnant again when she was about 6 months pregnant but they can't tell you anymore than that as SS can't start any proceedings until the baby is born, they do start Pre birth assessements on birth parents when birth mum is 20 ish weeks I think, but nothing can be legally done til after the birth. then they have to go through the legal process & gain court orders. we're just waiting to hear about next steps like you but it's so frustrating isn't it. Anyway hope you hear some news soon xx


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

I guess we keep waiting. Aaarrrggghhh Xx


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi AAA  
I know it's only approx a month since you posted your news, but just wondered if you've had any developments yet?
It must be so hard not knowing   
We have expected to get 'the call' about a birth sibling to our little man for the past 2 and half years and we know we'd have no notice at all, it would literally be after the birth, but so far we are quite surprised that it hasn't happened. Mind you, you know what will probably happen now don't you!  
I'm thinking of you and hoping you get some news soon.  
Anj x


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Anj no news it is so frustrating. We can't sell the flat either so we may have to say no cause i can't see them letting us have no 2 i will be devastated if that is the case. It seems to be a common thing with our prep group we are the 3rd ones who  have been contacted about siblings but none of them seem to be handled very sensibly. When sw told me it sounded like they would be using the concurrent system so my understanding would be that baby would come to us as a baby but surely they need to something before baby is born. 

I reckon your phone will ring shortly after no 2 arrives. How is it all going? Xx


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

I can understand how very frustrating that must be AAA   , I can appreciate that there are certain things they can't tell you or be certain about until after the birth but even just to keep you in the loop a bit more would be a help wouldn't it!
They must know that you appreciate nothing is concrete at this time but if as you say they do have a plan (even just in principle) surely it makes sense their end to at least run it by you?  
I can understand if they totally kept the information back from you until things were verified a bit more but as they decided to inform you (and rightly so) from the start then surely just to keep you in the loop a bit more isn't too much to ask?
As she must be about 6 months now that doesn't give you much time if they are wanting to sort out a concurrency plan does it!  

Things are good our end thanks  , we have about 2 more HS visits left (obviously dependant on anything being picked up by 'powers above' that need addressing etc).
They are hoping to get us to panel by June which I'm sure will come around before we know it!   

Hope you hear something soon   

Love Anj x


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Wow that's great all going well and it will defo be June before we know it. 

We are bound to hear something next week as i found out at lunch time i am going in for my op on Tuesday eek really not forward to not being able to do anything for bubba for a while but needs must.

I need to get in touch with bubba sw anyway as i am not happy with later life letter so if we haven't heard anything from her in a couple of weeks i will be on the phone. 

Good luck looking forward to hearing some good news soon Xx


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