# Genetic diseases and implications for donor conceived children



## drownedgirl

Has anyone else twigged the significance of the press reports regarding a doctor's duty to advise family members if they are at risk of inheriting a genetic disease?

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article6850290.ece

This would potentially throw the cat amongst the pigeons. Imagine if you were the mother of a DE daughter, and hadn't shared that info with her, and were then diagnosed with one of the genes making breast cancer a serious risk. Would it be better to tell her about the DE and prevent her worrying she was likely to get breast cancer, or keep the DE quiet but have her worry? And if the dr would tell her anyway about your positive genetic test, not knowing she wasn't your genetic child and therefore at risk, you wouldn't really have the choice anyway.

This area of increasing genetic testing is going to raise issues for many families over the next few years, I'm sure...

/links


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## olivia m

Good thinking DG.  Yet another really important reason for telling children about their DC origins.
Olivia


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## drownedgirl

It was something mentioned by Peggy Orenstein in her book Waiting for Daisy..

"What if the nongenetic parent contracted a fatal, genetically linked disease? That one hit home: Id been through treatment for breast cancer five years before our donor cycle; I couldnt imagine allowing a daughter to believe that she, too, would be at risk. "

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/15/magazine/15egg-t.html?pagewanted=8&_r=1

My own mother died very young... I find that a burden... also I know now I was born with 6 fingers... it actually feels good that for 2 of my children, at least, I don't have to fear passing on naff genes.

/links


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## drownedgirl

I have a feeling that genetic testing will be widespread before my children are adult. I remember upset in my biology class at school when someone worked out they were adopted after we did a study into ear lobes and tongue rolling etc ...(they couldn't be their parents child)

http://www.parentdish.co.uk/2009/09/17/genetics-eye-colour-earlobes-tongue-rolling-and-ear-wax/

/links


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## olivia m

Just giving this important topic a BUMP as I don't think it should disappear off the first page.  Maybe we will have to make it the start of a new Telling about Donor thread if we don't get the old one back soon.
Olivia


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## Wendeth

This is a really interesting point!


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## drownedgirl

I'm a bit shocked by that aggressive response! But I'm not going to report it, because I'd rather carry on discussing.

I am quite simply trying to share the thoughts and feelings I have (having DE twins) with other parents of DC children, or those thinking about the issues before they go ahead. Maybe it's very uppermost in my mind, these days, but I truly find that press reports, TV, everything at the moment makes me stop and think about the situation our family finds itself in.  It won't be long before I begin to talk to my babies about how they grew in my tummy, all the stories I told DS1 when he was little... but with this extra facet. Maybe that's why I think of the DE aspect often, I'm just mulling it all over in my head. DS1 says things from time to time, too, so that's it's necessary to respond bearing in mind the DE issues. (Like when he says M looks like me)

I'm sure any parent of a donor conceived child, seeing the press reports about how doctors are required now to tell families about genetic illnesses, even if the parents don't, must surely have paused and thought about how, this very real, and imminent change, might impact on their family. 

I'm so so happy with our children. I wouldn't swap them if I could go back and have any of the babies I miscarried.  But I have lots of responsibilities as their mother... we need to move really, to get an extra bedroom... I worry about bringing up children in london, not a very safe place for teenagers, when the time comes... how to give my DD a positive body image, I hear friends whose 5/6 yo already think they're "fat" .. and, of course, how to make sure they are happy with how they came into the world, and can accept the information, and know we have no shame or sadness about it.

We love them. That's where everything flows from. We love them, and they are a precious gift.

I'm sorry if some people are offended by me talking openly about the issues that come from their origins,  I know many others find it fascinating, and of use to them.


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## Stalyvegas

Hi

I was reading the thread as I find it an interesting subject - not because it has affected me personally, therefore dont want to input into the 'tell or dont tell' debate.

But I would like to say to Diva that my school, and my sisters (different schools) both did the tongure rolling and ear lobe thing - so it isnt just an old wives tale, its something that stuck with me as a very easy way to explain genetics to a child - in the same way as eye & hair colour can be used to discuss dominant or recessive genes.

DG hope you dont mind me posting  

R
x


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## drownedgirl

They did it at my school too, sv . and  i am telling the truth about how one child realised he was adopted.

I am not making stuff up to prove a point. I am talking about what I really think and feel.

In the thread re telling, currently hidden, I posted a link to a study re disclosure where it was stated families with dc children often feel very strongly about their decision whether or not to tell and this stems from their desire to protect their children. The difference is in the perceived threat - if you fear stigmatisation you try to protect your child from this external threat via secrecy. But some families are more concerned at the internal threat, the risk posed to the child by a lack of honesty. Interesting point, I thought and shows how all parents of dc children actually have that much in common.

I'm a bit puzzled about theaggressive remarks from people who do not yet have dc children... I don't know why they get so emotional in the discussion about discosure and seem to take everything very personally.


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## Wendeth

I also have concerns about genetic issues from the donor's side - which is an unknown quantity really, and my DH's side is another matter, as his father was adopted so we don't know anything from there either.  My own family tree has been incredibly important to me all my life and i was extremely worried about the reaction of my blood family knowing that there would be no blood connection with any child conceived when they knew what we were doing, but every family member has been 100% behind the idea and they are just delighted that our dreams have finally come true.  

I wonder how the twins will feel, knowing that they can only trace the family tree of my MIL - will they care or is that just my own preconception of strong blood ties, and I wonder will they feel any sense of shame when they eventually register at the GPs and are unable to list genetic conditions on their maternal family side? Just a thought.  

W


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## Noggin

I would like to contribute to this discussion, as it is not as clear as perhaps the subject of genetics has previously led us to believe. New research into epigenetics is starting to indicate that even in identical twins (who have identical DNA), influences prior to and after birth can switch on or off key elements of the DNA resulting in medical conditions arising in one twin and not in the other. There was a fascinating program on BBC1 about twins that discussed this very issue and I recommend it to anyone interested in this subject. The link is:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00n3wyg/The_Secret_Life_of_Twins_Episode_2/

Care also has to be taken regarding specific genetic traits in humans and the discussion of recessive and dominant traits. Eye colour and hair colour are both good examples as the "rules" that are taught in a simple school lesson are simplified to make the subject easier to teach. The facts are far more complex and apparantly "impossible" combinations are actually quite possible (but make the subject overly complex for anything other than degree level education. (Compare this with newton's law of gravitation f=ma. This is happily taught in school and works most of the time, but falls apart at speeds approaching the speed of light).

Epigentics makes this issues even more complex, as even the degree level teaching of genetic influence is now changing in light of this new research. It is becoming apparant that influences in the womb (i.e. birth mother) play a part in which elements of the DNA are expressed and to what extent. The only real way to know if you carry a genetic trait that might be harmful to you is to test. Current tests do not include epigentic markers (to the best of my knowledge) and therefore do not tell you if gene is active or inactive and thus only indicate if your DNA include the potential for the trait.

There is even discussion of the development of "vaccines" that will allow us to turn off harmful DNA elements and thus prevent genetically triggered illnesses. At this point testing will have a positive purpose (but I am not sure it is as useful as might be thought at present).

I am sure in the future we will have a much better understanding of how great an influence the birth mother has versus the donor mother (all current evidence is based on the birth and egg mother being the same). Once this information is available it will be more possible to have a meaningful conversation about what information should and shouldn't be given to a child regarding the genetic make up of their parents (including birth mother).

It is quite possible that the influence of the birth mother might in fact increase the risk of breast cancer, or more importantly might actually deactivate the gene and thus reduce the risk.

If someone really needs to know what genetic risks they have, then the emerging epigenetic tests might provide a true mechanism for determining this, rather than the highly inaccurate current mechanisms that simply state father had X therefore child has Y% chance of having it too.

Noggin's DH

/links


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## Noggin

I have thought further on this topic and have a hypothetical example that might shed more light relating to "a doctor's duty to advise family members if they are at risk of inheriting a genetic disease", and the confusion that epigenetics placed on this.

Doctor tells woman A that she has breast cancer
Doctor tells woman's daughter that she is at increased risk
Mother tells daughter that she isn't because she is a DE child and the donor had no such genetic heritage
Daughter is relieved and doesn't implement extra vigilance advised by doctor
Some time later....
Daughter finds out that latest epigentic research indicates that breast cancer is primarily epigentically (not genetically) triggered and thus birth mother is primary risk factor.
Daughter then gets checked and finds out she has breast cancer.

Hypothetical I know, but I suppose the point I am trying to make is that there is not sufficient knowledge at present to make assumptions as to one's future health based purely on the health of one's parents, and to do so might prove dangerous.

It also raises serious questions as to whether we have sufficient knowledge on this topic at present to start bringing in intructions about what a doctor should and shouldn't do in relation to breaking existing rules relating to patient confidentiality.

Nog's DH


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## olivia m

Thanks so much for posting Nog's DH.  This is really interesting and you sound like you know what you are talking about.  Hope you will post again in the light of any new research or thoughts on this complex but fascinating topic.
Olivia


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## indekiwi

Nog's DH, thanks for that - really thoughtful analysis and has given me lots to think about.  

A-Mx


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## GretaGarbo

Nog's DH, thank you for your very thoughtful and interesting posts. I enjoyed reading them. I think what you said just shows that the rest of us, as lay people, perhaps shouldn't speculate too much about these things because it is such a complex issue that we don't really fully understand. I can honestly say that I find the whole thing very interesting but rather confusing. I shall leave it up to the experts  

- Greta.


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## drownedgirl

I wasn't really making a point about biological determinism/genetic risks per se.. more that the recent decision in the press that doctors are now allowed to break patient confidentiality to tell relatives where they are felt to be at risk of a genetic disease, throws into relief the fact that the days where a child could be adopted, or their dad not really be the dad, and it go un-noticed, are long since passed and as research progresses, the time can't be far away when drugs are tailored to fit our genes... 

How awful for a child to find out they were donor conceived, by mistake (via medical tests)

Noggin's hubbie's point about not assuming if you aren't genetically related to someone who has breast cancer might make you a bit casual, is an interesting one... but I have a feeling in any family touched by cancer, it will make everyone extra vigilant, whether genetically related or not. I certainly feel that way about my mother who died very young...I wouldn't discourage DE DD from taking up cervical and breast cancer screening, for eg, just because donor's family seem to be healthier than mine!

Different debate, but I have a very interesting thought, actually... when I was a baby i had kidney problems, linked to urinary reflux and some sort of congenital abnormality and my sister needed an op for similar. When DE DD was taken seriously ill in january with a severe kidney infection, the drs said rhat a family history is a severe risk factor... and she was offered a series of additional tests as the protocol is different according to whether you have this in the family. At first the DE thing didn't cross my mind.. later when I realised she was getting extra care because of MY own history, i didn't rush to say "Oh don't bother with the nuclear medicine scan".. I wanted all the tests possible.. and you know... how DO these things get passed on? Does she have what i had? Is it an epi-genetic thing... did she develop it in the womb despite not being my genetic child?  

We still don't know.. but weird she has these problems, which aren't common, when she is conceived via donor.


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## three_stars

Having mistakenly erased the longer post i had written  I will try to restate some of it 

When I read "How awful for a child to find out they were donor conceived, by mistake (via medical tests)" i stopped for thought.  While I am personally for telling as they grow up I do think there is a HUGE difference in donor conceived and an adopted child and I think we are all intelligent enough here to see that.  So finding out by surprise that one is adopted could be quite a shock.  But finding out that you are donor conceived may be a surprise and add new information to one's life but I do not personally see the shock to it.  Your mother gave birth to you , you were dearly wanted even more so then most, you were raised without abuse and not abandoned, etc, etc.  
  I suppose it would have a great deal to do with how much importance genes play in your family.  Mine it played very little.  As far as blood lines- well IMO your child has your blood.  The genes to me are a bit like looking at a map of a city.  But unless it is built and is existing and living in 3D it is nothing.  That city will have the streets that you see on the map and you could have an identical city built based on the same map but it could never be exactly the same as the first due to environment, time, etc etc etc;  
The epigenome site talks about the calico cat and genes.  It explains why even a clone of one can not be exact.  There is another article on the site that explains that when tigers and lions are crossed it makes a big difference in the offspring whether it is the tiger or the lion that is the mother.  SO there goes the theory that egg and sperm contribute equally.  It was all quite interesting to read about.

IMO your family tree doesn't change because you have DE children.  Why would it?  I have adopted relatives as well.  They do not have some kind of separate branch on our tree because they are adopted!
And I do not think there should be any shame attached to a person telling his doctor that his parents had fertility problems and needed to do Donor IVF to have their much desired child.  Yes I know there are stupid and unfair stigmatisms that exist in the world but I should think that DE parents would not feel any shame in using DE once they made that decision and they would instill great confidence and pride in their child about the fact they they took such courageous steps.

The other thing I think about is whereas Donors are anonymous outside UK, many of us have the added problem of not having any genetic disease info for our children.  And additionally in my family some children donor and some not.  All of these issues can be complicated or not depending how you decide to see it and handle the telling or not.

I do not think a DR. should be allowed to break any patients confidentiality without their consent.  If there is a medical situation that arises this would then give the parent the ability to be the one to speak with their child first.

And my final comment is that the reason some of us get angry or agressive to certain member(s) is when we feel like there is someone time and again posting rubbish so whereas the immediate post or thread does not show where that is coming from it is of course in response to older battles or posts.  Sad, but that's the deal. Honestly I have a hundred other things I should be doing this morning but I feel it is important to newer members reading and researching to counterbalance comments that get weighted too heavily or unfairly to one side.

b123


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## mojitomummy

oh another interesting debate and maybe not one i should post on after 2 glasses of wine.. but...here goes....... for what its worth my thoughts..

ermmmmm. I'm adopted and guess what I have a family tree on my mothers and fathers side!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gee it even looks the same as my (adopted) brothers.  And there is more scandal. Turns out my mums granddad was a bigamist and my dads uncle was a diserter from the war - and this was all kept secret at the time... In fact in my son's family there are several divorces, step parents, single mothers, children from previous marriages people didn't know about before, aunties raising children as their own and grandmothers raising their daughters children as their own.  I'm just so pleased we now live in a time when my parents didn't lie to me about how they got me and i don't have to lie to my son.

b123 - i have found the similarieties between being adopted and having a donor child quite useful - even though i appreciate it is not the same.  My parents at the time had to weigh up the to tell or not to tell issue. And it is relevant to this toic of genetic diseases as i have no knowledge of what lies ahead for me genetically and i quite like that.

However, I have taken up free eye tests because my grandad had glacamia even though we have no blood relation.

When docs / medical staff ask if things effecting my son (conceived by donor sperm) run in the family sometimes i tell them we don't know and sometimes I dont.  I want them to consider him and his medical need for who he is - not based on his family's medical history as known so far.  So sometimes its nice that we really don't know what medical things he has or hasn't inherited. 

If someone in our family ever needed a donor for something (blood, marrow etc) i would still be checked to see if I was compatiable and woudl assume Zac would be a responsible adult and would do the same.  What I do wonder is if I needed something for life or death would I try and track my birth parents?

On this issue - when i first went for IVF i wanted to egg share as because I'm adopted i wanted to help another family have a child.  However, because I'm adopted and don't know my genetic background (becuase I have no interest to find my birth parents) I wasn't allowed to donate eggs. To me this is madness when there are people desperate for eggs in this country who have to go abroad for them.  Here i am willing to donate and the clinic wouldn't have them because I didn't know my genetic history.  I guess because I don't know my genetics and havng a child is more important to me than genetics I thought others would be the same.  I was quite surprised that the clinic thought women would only want "perfect" eggs.  I would be interetsed to know the views of people using donor eggs on this.

oh and I think I dined out rather too much about the tounge rolling thing when we did it in science at school. I loved the fact that i could say i could roll my toungue and my parents couldn't and that was because they had had to work really hard to have a child and had choosen me and that I wasn't some accident! 


P.S drowned girl - keep up the posts even if they provoke quite a full on reaction.  Worth debating these things i think. kiss kiss.


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## drownedgirl

Aww, thanks Becky! I do sometimes wonder if the consensus here is against telling and those of us who don't share that view  are in the minority (though I know I'm very lucky having a known donor, as our children will be able to find out anything they want to) 

My father was adopted and so I understand some of your feelings ... I always accepted that I don't know much about my  genetics from my dad's side  ... but I thought I knew my mum's side, until I discovered only recently I was born with 6 fingers and my mum kept it a secret from me. 

I also took up all the tests offered when our DE DD developed a serious kidney infection.. she was given more detailed tests as it's something that runs in families (and my sister and I have urinary tract abnormalities - so who's to say it can't be passed to a donor egg baby?!!) noone would decide NOT to take up testing offered, for eg if there was a genetic predisposition to breast cancer, but you can be open with someone that they aren't at risk, as far as you know, via genetics, being donor conceived.. while still urging them to be tested anyway.. as you describe with your grandad's glaucoma. I understand perfectly.


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## drownedgirl

PS Becky, I'm glad you mention you did the tongue rolling thing at your school as well, as I was accused of making it up .. it's not just an urban myth at all, is it?

Ediated to add: also a teacher posted this: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=29148.msg3357897#msg3357897


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## mojitomummy

Well I certainly talked about it!


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## roze

Apols for dropping in late on this thread, but this is something I thought about a lot before ttc with de and the way I got to feel comfortable with all of this is to realise, through extensive counselling,  that nothing is guaranteed in life and even if parts of ones family have a history of genetic diseases that does not necessarily mean that the child will get it, as indicated by epigenetic research. There may be ' risks' but that does not necessarily translate into reality. We were given basic information about our donor and her history and to an extent have to trust her level of disclosure and the clinics judgement, but we accept that we do not know everything and cannot therefore exclude things going wrong in the future. It would be very sad to find out that we have willingly brought into this world a child who may have certain problems, but we feel we cannot 'design out' these things and therefore, like in all aspects of life, we just have to cope with whatever life presents.

These issues  are very much to the forefront only now that we have to a degree the technology to predict patterns of disease, but I am very wary about these being mainly for actuarial and insurance purposes rather than helping individuals. In addition , in my DH's family there are genetic predispositions to severe clinical bipolar depression which has resulted in loss of life of several members ' by their own hand' so to speak and virtually the ruination of others lives and those around them by having to cope with these issues. On the other hand, his family are Eastern European Jews and his grandparents arrived in the UK as refugees during the war. The remarkable thing about them is their achievement in escaping concentration camps, and having the wit and sheer will to survive and to make new lives for themselves. DH's great uncle and aunts managed to buy themselves out of Auschwitz, smuggle themselves aboard a ship to the US , which was then shipwrecked. They survived, Titanic style, in the North Atlantic, on driftwood before being rescued.  Their odds for surviving the war were therefore always extremely slim, but somehow they did and to build new lives.

There are also some other physical defects in his family,  ie smaller than usual hands and feet in comparison with the body, and dyspraxia of varying degrees, and grandparents who never reached the age of 60. Therefore sometimes the genes you know can be as troublesome as the genes you don't. I didn't exclude my partners genes from our tx for that reason as generally people don't think or operate in that way but there is a fair chance that one of our children MAY be affected in life by one or more of these conditions by virtue of my partners own genetic history.  I think if we were presented with information about a donor who had my DH's family's characteristics we would have said no, to be honest as there is quite a catalogue there.

My view therefore is that we cannot predict or control everything and hence to an extent the discussion on filtering out certain diseases is, we find, academic.  Our DD suffered two things in life so far, the first being an immature hip which resulted in her being breech, and then having to have physio. The second was two UTI's and like Drowned girl, potential urinary reflux. Thankfully the problems in both cases have cleared up but we were asked about family history in that respect. TBH I wouldn;t have been able to answer these questions in respect of my own family as they are all dead. They could either be a result of something in the donor's history or just bad luck.  My twins in utero have now also decided to present as breech so we are not clear whether this is another hip issue or just coincidence. We will find out and doubtless worry ourselves sick as to whether this is somethings in the donor's history but these could as well be something in DH's history and related to his familial dyspraxia( lack of coordination). His mum was very athletic when young but had to give up as a teenager due to bad hips. We will never know the truth either way- so many people I meet seem to have this particular problem with their children.

But the other thing is surely that ' history' per se is becoming redundant through DNA research which is a more accurate predictor of genetic risks?

Becky100's story on being refused as an egg sharer is sad , a real shame, and also I think difficult territory;  If I had gone for eggshare I would have had to say ' to the best of my knowledge' in answer to most questions, as I simply did not know everything about my own genetic family. Would the clinic have asked for parental /grandparental medical records?  My father lived to 78 but developed Parkinsons and was never really very strong. My mother had a stroke at 65 that left her paralysed and hospitalised for the next 14 years. I am not sure to the extent this would have been considered genetic issues or lifestyle issues and would have excluded us from eggshare/egg donation had we been young enough to do it. We can't now offer cord blood for donation other than for research for the lack of donor history- we were advised that had we had a donor in the UK there would have been more trust in the information provided ( why?) as HFEA regulated ( you're joking) but there is no confidence in overseas information even if it follows other European strict codes of practice.

Finally, as for risks of disease in later life, my view is still that you cannot predict everything or indeed anything, but I will be advising my children not to be complacent about any disease, and even if they have no indicators of eg breast cancer, I will be advising them that early detection is the key to cure and that they should be having all the tests that are available even if they have to go private. I would not want them to rely either way on available genetic information as this can be a false friend.


roze


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## three_stars

Roze,  some very good points.  Amazing stories about your DH's families will to survive!

B123


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## Chelley

Hi ladies,

I have never posted here before but felt that I wanted to just say that I for one am grateful for ALL your opinions and thoughts on this topic I am sure that there are many of us who read here and take on board the comments and opinions and we are all able to take them away and make our own opinions.  I would like you all to keep posting, as it really is such a useful topic for all of us and I am sad that people feel upset at others comments, as I really believe that no one wants to do that.

My two penneth is that my two brothers and me are completely different, one blue eyes, one brown, one green, mum Brown, Dad Blue.  No one can roll their tongue except me.  My younger brother has red hair!   And is over 6 foot tall and doesn't look like any of us.  He also had cronic reflux as a child, which none of us did, but my DD had it too, but was conceived using an egg donor.

I think the genetics debate is absolutely fascinating, but there is always exceptions to every rule we all know that, but knowing all the opinions gives us the knowledge to tackle questions from our LOs whether they stem from fact or fiction.  Don't remove the thread it is so useful to know how you all will handle these issues and give us more food for thought as we go through our journeys.

Oh, yeah and we didn't do the tongue rolling test at school but we did the eye colour and everyone said I must be adopted, but I'm not, but it didn't bother me in the slightest, in fact I thought it was very cool to be different.  Now of course I understand about the recessive gene thing, but still people comment on how green my eyes are when my mum has brown eyes and it all comes up again now we have our DD, who has blue eyes when her dad has brown.  Now of course people say, oh it must be because your mum has such green eyes.  Ha Ha!  Honestly it's funny when you think about it, people talk such rubbish they see what they want to see, they don't know how our DD was conceived and neither do our doctors or family at the moment.

Just for the record we are in the telling camp, but will tell our DD gradually through stories etc and let her tell anyone she wants to tell, it's her story to tell. But honestly I can say that there are many times when I just want to cuddle her up tight and not say anything that might even once cause her the slightest bit of worry or doubt, in fact it breaks my heart just thinking about it, but I know that this is just my fears and I have to be strong and do what I feel is the right thing for her and us as a family.  But that is the very reason why this thread is so important for me and many like me as we need the support of others going through it.

The opinions of the people not telling are just as valid and useful for us, as they give us the full picture and let us know the very good and valid reasons why some have chosen not to tell, there is no right or wrong in this topic, just a right and wrong for you and your family. 

Love and hugs to all
Chelley
x x x


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## going it alone

As a single mum and therefore the mum to DC twins, I am all up for telling from day one. It makes it easier as I don't have a DP's feelings (or family) to worry about. I liken my childrens parentage to adoption as they will have the option to trace at the age of 18 and have similar legal rights as an adopted child. On the genetic illness front my friend from Uni was adopted, as was her brother. She always wanted to trace her parents and he never did. They didn't have the same birth parents. He developed polyps in his colon and was told that there are two types, one genetic, one not, one likely to turn canerous, one not. He was therefore then in a very tricky situation as he had never wanted to trace but it could have had major implications on his future. We lost contact so I don't the outcome.

As a biology teacher I can confirm that tongue rolling and ear lobes are widely used in schools, as it was used on worksheets produced by the national history museum when I was at Uni.

Keep up the debate please.

Sam x


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## drownedgirl

going it alone said:


> As a biology teacher I can confirm that tongue rolling and ear lobes are widely used in schools, as it was used on worksheets produced by the national history museum when I was at Uni.


I wasn't making it up that it took place at my school in the 1980s!


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## LiziBee

Its now even possible to buy simple DNA fingerprinting apparatus for use in schools!!
http://www.philipharris.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?storeId=72&langId=-1&catalogId=10501&categoryId=82412&parent_category_rn=82204&top_category=&productId=191098&parentCategoryId=82204&categoryList=%2c82204%2c82227%2c82412&catalogStyle=secondary&catType=
Lizi.x

/links


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## mojitomummy

Chelley said:


> Just for the record we are in the telling camp, but will tell our DD gradually through stories etc and let her tell anyone she wants to tell, it's her story to tell. But honestly I can say that there are many times when I just want to cuddle her up tight and not say anything that might even once cause her the slightest bit of worry or doubt, in fact it breaks my heart just thinking about it, but I know that this is just my fears and I have to be strong and do what I feel is the right thing for her and us as a family. But that is the very reason why this thread is so important for me and many like me as we need the support of others going through it.


totally know where you are coming from on this Chelley.

going it alone - how gorgeous your two little girls are - what a lovely cheeky profile pic.

xxxxxx


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## dochinka99

My parents have been married for almost 50 years and yet I only know one person history.
My Maternal Grandfather was killed in WWII. My paternal grandfather died when my father was 19 and my paternal grandmother abandoned my father when he was much younger. My father had no intestest in knowing his ancestory and my maternal grandmother never discussed my mother's biological father.

WHen my own daughter grows up, the fact that she won't know anything about her ancestory, isn't much different from what little I know now.



Wendeth said:


> I wonder how the twins will feel, knowing that they can only trace the family tree of my MIL - will they care or is that just my own preconception of strong blood ties, and I wonder will they feel any sense of shame when they eventually register at the GPs and are unable to list genetic conditions on their maternal family side? Just a thought.
> 
> W


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## mojitomummy

dochinka - your ancestory IS her ancestory.... ?


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## dochinka99

becky100 said:


> dochinka - your ancestory IS her ancestory.... ?


Of course not, my point was I don't know my own ancestory for 3/4 of my grandparents. She won't know hers either.


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## Angels4Me

i have read on FF that lots of peeps are absolutely not planning to tell their children they are DC.  Although i havnt looked into DE v. much yet, the thought of not telling my child does not sit well with me. I have a little story and I have always wondered.........a friend of mine has a brother conceived by an affair, he is now in his 30's, no-one has ever told him, most of the family have not admitted to each other either. When the friend was as young as three/four years old, he managed to tell very convincing lies! to this day, I feel this person knows he is living a lie, even though his father (non-biological) he sees as his father. He also had anger issues and is quite disconnected in his family relationships. He also LIES a lot. I feel he knows he has been lied to/info withheld etc.  I think this thread shows there are many reasons for telling the truth, I also think if your child finds out without you telling him/her they will be extremly hurt and question their relationship with you. I think lies really hurt people.
hope some of this makes sense. I know it wouldnt be easy to tell them either

angels


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