# How people react when you have at least 1 child



## sewils (Mar 29, 2018)

We tried 4 years for the first baby (Donor Egg, I could never get pregnant with OE). Another 4 years for the 2nd ones (DE). My stepsister was also trying for her 1st baby (with her own eggs), they ran into financial difficulty with cycles; then stopped, and adopted a healthy infant. They inexplicably stopped talking to me and my husband around the same time. They did not invite me to their baby shower. We aren't invited to family gatherings if they are going to be there. I accept it but it upsets my husband a lot. He doesn't know why they don't speak to us anymore since he can't figure out what we did, or what went wrong.


----------



## Lily0750 (Aug 1, 2015)

Are they religious or believe in superstitious?


----------



## Clarabelle71 (Jan 14, 2016)

Perhaps its still painful for her you could carry a baby but i would have thought after adopting she could be closer again. My sister had 2 failed cycle years ago on the nhs but adopted 2 children and she is one of the few people i told about going for ivf with donor eggs as she could understand. She was in full support. My close friend was pregnant at the same time as me in 2016, i had a mmc 7 weeks and she went on to have a healthy baby and we were the same age. I had to step back for awhile as it was so painful. Hope your relationship gets closer again. X


----------



## mierran (Apr 24, 2009)

People are.funny. And not haha.  

I am sorry your stepsister is being g like that. It may be that you remind her too much of a painful journey.

Is there anyone else I the family you can ask? Say very calmly ( and not when anyone has had a bevy ) that you haven't seen them to a while and are they ok, and try and lead the conversation from there. 

Congratulations on your babies.


----------



## sewils (Mar 29, 2018)

I have decided to accept her rejection of us, and not question it anymore. So I won't ask. But it still bothers my husband. He is more sensitive than I am.


----------



## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

as mierran wrote, people are funny. And it doesn't matter whether they are yr relatives or close friends.


----------



## Opossum (Oct 8, 2015)

its probably self preservation - try not to assume how her grief works because we all handle it so differently, she may find peace and come back into your life in time and its often just best to give people time if they need it even if you dont know why because unless you said something shockingly hurtful etc... it most likely not personal.

As an example:

I tried for 9 years without telling anyone and my best friend got pregnant at the 3 year make after telling us that she had struggled for a year of so and I was happy for her and even donated some baby things I had to help her. well time went on and at the 6 year mark we both fell pregnant again, she as a very open person announced the second the 2 lines came up while we waited to announce since our journey was more private, unfortunately we suffered a miscarriage at the same time my friend found out her baby had a heart defect and she was high risk (but she went on to have a beautiful baby). 

I withdrew from everyone's lives, quit my job and became a recluse and still haven't even met my friends baby 4 years on, she doesn't know we lost a baby at the same time and probably wouldn't even think of it but my withdrawal is nothing to do with her (she is a great mom and still a friend) but it was just self preservation. 

Now that I have been successful I feel a weight lifted and I'm trying to repair those bonds and rebuild my life and my friends have been great (non have even mentioned my 3 year absence and we just picked up from where we left off).


----------

