# What did I do wro g?



## orchidz (Feb 20, 2013)

Hi guys, I had ICSI and got 4 blasts at the end of the end of it. I was doing egg sharing and the other person got 5 eggs from me. I got a bfn and she got a bfp. I am feeling so sad for myself, analysing everything I did during ghe tww. im wondering if is because im vegetarian? I read protein is very important. I dont eat eggs really or drink milk, so I wpuld say, I dont have enough in my diet. could this be the reason? I ate a hot curry on day 6ptr, and started to bleed the next day, maybe that was it?
My god I never knew feeling like this could exist. ive been walking around like a zombie and cant get my head around it at all. 
I want to try again asap but my bf took it pretty hard aswell and now wants to wait a long while before trying again. but I cant think about anything else. 
Arggggh I dont know what to do and would appreciate some advice.
I know that sometimes it just doesnt work but I feel so cheated that maybe they gave her the good eggs or something? Or didnt treat mine properly. my lining was never checked before ET, is this normal?
Sorry my post is a bit all over the place.
Sorry


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Orchidz


Many many many woman need 2,3 0r maybe 4 cycles for it to work.  Honestly its nothing you have done, i think your trying to gain a bit of control over a situation that frankly you don't have any in, it totally goes against your human nature. Im a vegetarian and even though i believe its important to eat a healthy diet i don't believe this is why treatment doesnt work.  Also the curry wouldnt of had anything what so ever to do with it, honestly its not your fault.  Sometimes it doesnt work.


It tool me 6 years and 4 rounds of treatment to finally have a healthy pregnancy and i now have a 7 month old daughter, often these things just take a long time.


Iv never been one to rush into having more treatment as what ever your feeling now will be compounded 10 fold if you get another bfn.  Wait till your feeling more mentally stronger and until you have been able to to move forward emotionally from this failed cycle.xx


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi,

Please, please do not blame yourself.  This process can be so cruel sometimes.  It must be a huge knock to you that the other lady got a BFP, but sadly that can be the down side of egg sharing.  I know of a lady on another site who has done everything possible on both her egg sharing cycles and she has had 2 BFN's and both ladies have got BFP's.  Fortunately she got a miracle natural BFP and is just over 20 weeks pregnant.

You need time to grieve.  This fertility road makes no sense at all sometimes.


X


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## Littlecat (Aug 5, 2011)

Hi,

I agree, please don't blame yourself. I think absolutely everything can be right and it's still down to dumb luck. 

It is a horrible feeling & I don't think there is any way to short-cut it.   so sorry you're feeling like this.

My husband and I are like you and your bf in the way we react - I need to DO, he needs to reflect. For me, what helped was shifting my focus to what I could do to make our next chance as good as possible & to prepare for being a parent (including some fun things, like learning to dressmake). 

I was vegetarian and in preparation for this cycle I went to a nutritionist who specialises in IVF. I have changed my diet radically and at one point was taking so many vitamins I swear I rattled. There is nothing wrong with being veggie (though since I have a grain & dairy allergy, I've started eating meat) but there are elements your diet might be short on and it's worth checking this out. NOT because you have done anything wrong, but because even if it's only a small change it feels good to be doing something positive.


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## orchidz (Feb 20, 2013)

Thank you all so much for your replies. I am going to try and take a more pro active approach to the next cycle as I was so afraid to change my lifestyle significantly just in case it didnt work. I went into this cycle with no expectations but never really believed that the result would be a bfn. All that is wrong is my tubes.
Anyway onwards and upwards, its just so hard to take those first steps. I have read all the inspirational stories. What else is there to do. I know these feelings will lessen with time but its just so hard, as you all knowxxx


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## artist_mum (Jun 19, 2012)

hi

just one other thing I read which helped me to get my head around failed cycles.. it's like the IVF just brings you to the normal state of 'health' ready to conceive and a couple who were trying for a baby naturally would expect it may take a few months from that point.  So in other words, the iVF brings you to being ready to conceive and then it may take a few tries.  

But yes, as you say... we all know how hard it is.  Wishing you loads of luck with your next one, whenever you're both ready for it

xx


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## neongirl (Jan 14, 2012)

Hi Orchidz, I am so sorry you got a BFN, it's so devastating.  It was nothing you did, please believe that.  I have had 3 cycles now, 1 positive and 2 negative, although sadly we still do not have our healthy baby yet, and I didn't do anything different on any of them.  It's sadly down to nature, and chance.  Sending you strength and support xxx


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