# Some advice please?



## iccle one (May 9, 2006)

Hi, 

We may be moving on to surrogacy (my sister has volunteered her services) and I was wondering if anyone knew (as I can't find anything on the internet) if I would have to adopt a baby that she carried but was genetically mine? We have 3 embryos frozen that we may ask her to carry for us and I would like to have a better idea of where I stand (I know DH would just go straight on to the birth certificate)

Thanks


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Are you in the UK? If so you wouldn't have to adopt the baby regardless of if the embryos are yours or not, you would need to apply for a parental order to extinguish the birth mother's rights- is she married? As her dh could end up on birth cert not your dh/dp- so a parental order would change this as well.  Check out the surrogacy law sticky thread, or ask Natalie gamble the Ff lawyer, or pm Jo the Volunteer who has a beautiful son thanks to her sil as a surrogate , so have been through this family scenario.
My dp's sister offered to be our surrogate & then backed out when we started making appts at clinics/with counsellors etc and said it is too much & she couldn't go through with it- so beware think she offered despite she and her partner saying they were fine & had thought it through they hadn't realised the enormity of it. 
Good luck


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## iccle one (May 9, 2006)

thanks JJ - I'll check that sticky now.

I am in the UK, my sister has a long term partner (but isn't married), I think her biggest worry was taking injections but my consultant has said she can have transfer as part of her natural cycle. She's not maternal in the slightest (odd seeing as she has 3 children!) so we know she would be ok giving us our baby back!


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## samper (Aug 16, 2006)

Iccle, what a fantastic gift your sister will be giving you. Please keep me posted, nothing will make me happier than knowing that everything has finally worked out for you.

Xx


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## LouGhevaert (May 18, 2009)

Hi

There are various legal issues to think about, including legal parenthood and parental responsibility, birth certificate arangements, the criteria you'll need to meet for a parental order and the court process and the importance of specialist Wills.  Do get some specialist legal advice at the start so you know how best to manage these.

All the best

LouGhevaert


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## iccle one (May 9, 2006)

Ok - this is attempt #3 at an update, I'm beginning to think I'm jinxed . . 
My sister pulled out a few months ago, Care found a polyp in her womb and she didn't want to get it removed so there was no point continuing.
I was really angry and disappointed but, at the end of the day she wasn't obliged to help us so I had to put it behind me and not let it affect our relationship.
We have 5 frosties left from our IVF's and both Jay and I would much rather fail with surrogacy too than continue with more cycles and be left wondering if our outcome would have been better if we had tried surrogacy, we've had 3 failed cycles since we lost Erin 18mths ago, so we joined COTS last week and are now waiting for a host surrogate. I don't think we could do anymore fresh cycles ourselves, my eggs are fine but it takes so much from me emotionally these days that I think we are near the end of what I can manage.
I truly hope that first we can find a surrogate and second have a successful cycle - after 5 pregnancies with IVF and then nothing since losing Erin I'm feeling like we will never have a family.


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## mumtomadkids (Mar 29, 2011)

Never give up on the dream i can come true  
Have you joined SUK too?
you can join both to keep your options open x


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## iccle one (May 9, 2006)

I haven't - I never thought of it actually, I'll speak to DH and see what he says (extra fees etc)


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## Diane72 (Oct 29, 2007)

Good luck iccle one!!! 


I do wonder about the reason they suggested your sister needed to have her polyp removed if she has already carried her own kids (?) and doesn't have fertility issues herself. Funnily enough my sister also was not willing to have done anything about her septate uterus (e.g. ops etc.) despite the fertility specialists in the UK going on about it and she had the attitude of she  had had kids before and 'wasn't messed about with' as she said so we went ahead despite the issues. She wasn't able to have twins because of her issue but we do now have a lovely little girl.  





Diane x


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