# Delicate/sensitive health question



## SarahPooh (Nov 7, 2006)

Hello ladies (and gentlemen if there are any)

I was wondering if anyone could answer my question, I apologise unreservedly in advance if it offends anyone - here goes ...  

I am still trying to conceive through ICSI but don't hold out much hope for it to work and am expecting to eventually go down the adoption route (but I feel I must keep trying IVF a bit longer or I might regret it in years to come)

The problem is I am suffering from depression - I have suffered from it on and off for most of my adult life and am on medication for it - 40g prozac a day - and at the moment I am feeling really dreadfully depressed.  I have never been in hospital for it or attempted suicide or anything but I am too scared to go to the doctors to ask for more help in case when the adoption people look at my medical notes they will say no because I have had depression.  I am wondering if I am maybe even bi-polar or something because some days I can think positive and feel OK and other days thinking positive just doesn't work and I feel totally without hope.  The thing is I have only ever wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember - I waited until I met a "Mr Right", thinking I should be married, have a home etc, but now I wish I had just got pregnant in my twenties and been a single mum or something.  I mentioned it to my GP some time ago and he said it shouldn't be a problem because I have asked for help and am "managing" the depression but I think the longing for a baby and having unsuccessful IVF is making the depression worse.  

I feel trapped because I want to ask for more help but not if it means I wouldn't be allowed to adopt because I want to have children more than anything.  Also my husband is a type 1 diabetic (insulin controlled since he was 4, not overweight or anything, he is very healthy and his diabetes is well controlled and he has had no complications from it) and I am worried that might be held against us too.

Has anyone any experience of anything like this or could reassure me in any way?  I am sure I would be a good mum, I have SO much love to give a child, and a supportive family network (as well as the material things like a home which I think are much less important)

Any replies would be very gratefully received

Many thanks and the very best of luck to you all in your journeys

Sarah


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## Rachelbee (Oct 25, 2005)

Hi Sarah,

No experience of this I am afraid but didn't want to read and run....

Firstly I really think you should see your G.P , don't avoid him because of worrying about the future! After fertility treatment you're LA will want you to have a 6 month wait before embarking on adoption anyway, so nothing would be iminent (sp?). I am sure you would be a fab mum and there is no reason why you shouldn't be but for YOURSELF you need to get this sorted.

Fertility is such a difficult thing to deal with and it's no wonder you feel trapped, but they will look carefully at your medical records and see that you asked for help when needed and 'managed' the situation, this is much better in my mind than not doing anything!
Re your dh, I don't think the diabetes would make any difference, though someone else may know more!!

Big hugs

Rachel xx


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## crusoe (Jun 3, 2005)

Hi there

I didn't want to read and run either. I am sure your husbands diabetes wouldn't be a problem - it is obviously well managed and presumably he is fit and healthy enough to run around after and care for a child.

Regarding your feelings of depression, I am no expert but I think adoption social workers would be very keen to see that you have sought help regarding this. Support is a key factor in adoption be that support from friends, family or professionals. They are keen for you to demonstrate that you can seek help if needed both for yourself and ulimately on behalf of your adopted child.

I think it would be so much better to see your GP now and to try and get things under control than to try and deal with your feelings yourself or worse disguise them and for things to come back and bite you later on so to speak - perhaps when a child is placed with you and you need to be on top form.

I wish you lots of luck with your journey to become a mum - I am sure it will happen somehow.

Love Crusoe
xxxx


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## billy69 (Nov 5, 2007)

I confirm the content of the previous post. My wife had suffered of depression quite some time ago and DW at screening said that they will look at this in detail but it's not an obstacle to adopt as long as you prove to have dealt with it - in which case it may actually be a plus!

Basically so many people suffer of depression at some stage - especially so if they have been through infertility - that you should write off too many people!

So just take care of yourself, and all will be fine. 

Good luck!

Billy


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Sarah

Massive hugs  

Like others have said by seeking help and support it goes in your favour in regards to adoption as your fully aware of your need for help and support and that your not afraid to ask for help.

One big keep factor is being able to explain what happens when your depressed, the warning signs and how you deal with it and also how others around you can see your depression and help you- my DH had to confirm the signs and how he helps me.

I had to prove that i was coping with depression and it was something i had to talk about alot during HS however this is because having a child via adoption is very hard and they come with their own emotions of hurt ect and need you to be their 100% for them however "post adoption depression" is now recognised juist like post natal depression (PND) 

I have to say so far i have been lucky and not suffered with any depression as such however i know i have 100% support from my SW if i need any help from her or the team

good luck

xxx


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi,

I am a psychiatric nurse and from what you have said it doesn't sound like you have symptoms of someone with bipolar disorder people with this experience extreme highs to and extreme lows a bit like a pendulum, when high in mood they lose their inhibition, can become promiscuous and spend lots of money, they can also become psychotic and aggressive so just to reassure you on that one.

What I would say however if you are taking 40mg Prozac and you are not getting any therapeutic benefit ie your mood is still up and down it might be worth having a chat with your GP and having your medication reviewed, certain antidepressants work better for some people and sometimes theres a bit of trial and error until you find the right for you. I am not a doctor and wouldn't want to offer you much advice but you are obviously struggling with your mood which isn't fair you have as much right as anyone to want to feel happy.

Infertility does take its toll and there is probably many of us including myself on this board who has felt down, anxious etc but depression goes far deeper than that if that is what you are suffering from.

Your GP also might have some self help literature/material which can also help, this might include keeping a mood diary, also lots of fresh air going for walks increases the 'happy chemicals' in your brain which might also help.

This shouldn't go against you for adoption as you are seeking help and depression can affect anyone its more common than you probably realise.

Good luck in your journey and take care of yourself

Dawny

xxx

Please not this is not a diagnosis and you should seek the advise of your own GP- FF takes no responsibility for the comments posted.


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi Sarah

Just wanted to send a big hug of support  

I have no experience of Diabetes, so cannot comment, but I'm sure that a managable condition will not put be a stumbling block for adoption at all.

I will send you a PM now.

Take care

x


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Hi Sarah  

First off, it sounds like you need some friendly hugs!     

I haven't gt much to add except that our SS has given us the impression that people who have experienced tough times (including depression) can make excellent adopters because they can really identify more easily and understand the difficulties that the children or birth families have been through. However they like to know that yu are the sort of person who will ask for help if you need it, and "take control" of a situation, and therefore going to the doctor would be seen as sensible steps to help yourself.

Also, hopefully the diabetes shouldn't be a problem. I have a mild health condition and have been worrying about how that will be perceived by panel, and my SW was reassuring me last time that they have approved adopters with all sorts of health conditions. As long as your DH can reassure them and demnstrate (not literally!) that he knows how to manage his health responsibly and is up to child care I can't imagine a problem.?

Good luck, take care of yourself, and pamper and nurture yurself a bit before starting the adoption route as it is an intense one, though mostly positive.


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## **Heather** (Apr 30, 2008)

I want to give you a hug  

And say that I cant say anymore than what has already been said above.


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## SarahPooh (Nov 7, 2006)

Hello you lovely people

I just wanted to say thank you all so much for your lovely kind and helpful replies - and hugs!  I feel loads better now and much more reassured and have seen my GP and am going to see a counsellor on Thursday.  I'm sorry I didn't thank you all straight away - was still a bit bogged down in feeling   for a while but I did read your posts straight away and thank you so much as they really helped.

Wishing all of you the very best of luck and bright happy futures with your families.

Thanks again and love to all,

SarahP xxxx


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