# Is this normal? Or am I jealous?



## Kerryxo (Jul 10, 2013)

Hi all.

So, where do I even start

Me and partner have had fertility problems for ages, people were asking wether we were actually going to have a child we brushed off due to embarrassment.

Anyways one time we thought enoughs enough went docs sperm sample, referred to ARU. Now this is where I struggle..

My brothers pathetic excuse for a girlfriend is one of those attention seekers.. Decided a couple months before I had ARU appointment she never wants another child and guess what when she fount out I was having treatment and help out went her implant. 

Yesterday however a week before my review appointment she announces she is pregnant in the middle of Asda to a complete stranger in front of my face then looks at me with a smug face.

Now I don't begrudge my brother a child and I would love to be an auntie again.. But the way she done that was that not spiteful? Knowing that I am going through this emotional roller coaster not only that I have hospital phobia so I'm battling it twice as hard? 

Maybe I'm being selfish or jealous but honestly it was as though she was rubbing my face in the fact she can do it normal and quick? Because since she had implant out I got her chucking symptoms miscarriages and even her ovulating diary chucked in my face. Which seemed to only been said to me and when I was alone.

Thanks for reading this I hope someone can explain to me because right now I'm having such a bad time. Xx


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Oh hun 
I don't think you're jealous at all. I think you just happen to be suffering from a particularly nasty case of spiteful-woman because she sounds like a proper charmer! 

I think you may be a little over-sensitive towards her and she's probably picked up on that and is deliberately making things worse. From your posts I can see you already have a very low opinion of her anyway and this might be affecting both how you see her actions and how she acts towards you. So it might be you're reading more into it than there is but it does sound like some of it is deliberate. Either way you're perceiving it as so and that's a problem.  Thing is I would not bother to call her on it because (if she is) it'll be what she wants and she'll use your sensitivity against you and make it look like you're making it all up. And, of course people will believe her (because, they'll think "seriously, who has another baby just out of spite."    )  And if it's not, you don't sound like you're in the right frame of mind to tackle it without getting angry or upset. 

I think you're best approach from now on is to ignore it. Make sure you have minimal exposure to her; make sure you're never alone with her and don't discuss personal issues with her at all. In fact it might be an idea just to let the myth perpetuate that you're "putting having a family on hold for a while" to everyone and present the happy-childfree facade.  It might make her lose interest in tormenting you if she does not feel it's bothering you at all. Then you can just carry on with your appointments, treatments etc. in private (you have FF and friends on here you can rely on to support you if you need to talk about things, and we have a chat room if you want to live chat with anyone.  ) 

Really, other people's behaviour is not worth you stressing yourself out over.


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi,

I think she was incredibly insensitive, but then it doesn't really surprise me.  People who have never suffered infertility can never understand how it feels.

Perhaps distance yourself for the time being and concentrate on yourself.  

I think your reaction is perfectly normal.

X


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

Wow. What an absolute cow that girl is. She is clearly doing it to get a rise out of you. What a nasty bully. Ignore her, don't go anywhere with her, see her as little as possible - you can do without people like that in your life, maybe she'll grow up one day?


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## vixter_1 (May 30, 2011)

***pregnancy mentioned***

I have a gorgeous almost 12 month old and I am pregnant with my second (both ICSI) and I *still* feel like you do.  I still feel like I have been punched in the stomach, all wind taken out of me when I hear how easily some people just fall pregnant.  I think you handled it really well to not knock her out there in the middle Asda! 

huge huge hugs for you XX


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Kerryxo    


I think its easy to presume that this lady has done all of this to spite you but like caz said you really don't know.  I mean you stated that its a couple of months since your app and she announces she wants a baby and has her implant out, tbh i suspect that you have been dreading her telling you that she is pregnant (like i would to).  But none of this means that she has done this on persuse, yes she may not be a nice person but getting pregnant to spite you really would be stupid.  She sounds as if she already has a child so putting it bluntly she will know how much hard work having another one will be, so getting pg to spite someone would we stupid.  Im not saying having a child isn't amazing of course it is but its blooming hard work.


She may have just blurted it out cos she didn't know how to say it (esp if there is history of you both not getting on) hence for why she gave you a look.  Im certainly not saying that its a sensitive way of saying it but we have to remember that a lot of people who dont struggle dont understand and continue to think the world are happy for them.  My sil told me that she was pregnant after my ec while i was sat on the sofa in pain, didnt really know what to say but tbh there is never a good time to tell someone who is struggling that your pregnant.  Granted Asda was a big mistake but if i was you i would try to forget it concentrate on your own journey and forget hers.


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## Kerryxo (Jul 10, 2013)

Thank you all for your replies your all so true and confirmed a few things for me.

It just seemed as though she was trying to 1up me as she does it with everything and has done since she got with my brother. For instance if I wanted something she would go out and get that then chuck it in my face and because I am aware of that maybe i feel the same way about this.

What I struggle with is the fact she has done this around the time I'm getting treatment, and I don't even know myself if I will defiantly be able to fall yet as i haven't got all results back so my insecurities are playing a huge role in this too. I have spoke to my counsellor and she mentioned that it is all normal. But the person she is has made it harder for me.

I'm so happy I can talk to people on here with these problems as they are in the same boat and understand, something family would never see properly as its not happened to them.

I wish you all good luck and I'm so happy you have all replied. I literally thought I was going mad! 

 big hugs to you all xxxxxx


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## Kerryxo (Jul 10, 2013)

It is also very hard to steer clear as she is attention seeking and has to be in the middle of everything. She has been round every day since and I feel like I'm isolating my family because I can't face her at the minute. Xxx


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## Weebear (Jul 24, 2013)

First of all she's a cow for mentioning it in Asda. 

However, in my experience people say they don't want another/will never have another/not sure if they will have another just to throw others off the fact that they do. She has probably been thinking about it for a while and it's just happened. 

Also possibly due to the fact that you are having problems and that having the implant removed can take ladies a long time to conceive, could be what spurred her on. 

You are having a bad time of it. People having babies when I'm in such a bad position always hits me hard but, they have the right to have their babies, even if this coincides with you having treatment/problems. 

Kerryxo everything you're feeling is normal. With the chucking it in your face, doing it to spite you, these are feeling brought on, in the most part, by your situation. I've felt the same to my sil. I am in a good place now and know that a lot of what I felt wasn't true, but was a result of crap happening to me. 

Have you made use of the counselling on offer at you hospital? Try getting hold of the Alice Domar book, Conquering Infertility. It explains that all of the **** feelings etc are completely normal and does give some strategies for coping. I hope you manage to overcome your feelings, and find a better place, but sometimes we've just got to work through it. It was only time that helped me and tbh, if another announcement is made ill be back to square one with my emotions. Good luck xx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

I wonder what would happen if you gave her *too much* attention. Clearly trying to avoid her isn't working. Would she back off if you started calling every day and asking her every last detail? would she take the hint? I don't know... but if she's really that desperate for attention trying to avoid her will probably make her more determined. If you really can't escape this person the next best thing is to overwhelm them with niceness... turn into their best*suffocating*buddy... maybe she would either realise and back off, or, relax that she got what she wanted and back off... and plus, like if someone is coming around and calling you and they seem to have control over it it is more annoying than if you get in first and call first or invite her first.... you might find she's suddenly too busy to see you!


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Can you not pretend your out or actually make sure you are out? she will get board?


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## Kerryxo (Jul 10, 2013)

I'm living with my mum at the minute as we're saving for our own home and stuff so even if I'm out she's still around  

I think it's just my confidence I'm still very new to this and I am still trying to get my head around it. Before I was to young to care much but as I've got older it has got worse. I am going through counselling but it's all early days.

I'm not being nasty about it at all, this girl is completely the insensitive *****. As I said she has said for 3 years that she never wants another child because its too much for her. In her head she is still very much a child in herself. Every opportunity she lets everyone deal with my nephew I know mums need a break and I respect that. But for instance she went on holiday not long ago with my mum and instead of taking her child to places she used to leave my mum with him all the time. When she's round mine she sits of her phone all the time and let's him run riot and has done since he was a baby.

What bugs me also is she's heavily smoking now while being pregnant too! 

Maybe I'm just jealous and don't understand but as I said I know mums need a break but not to that extreme

XxxxX


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hun, we all know mums like that. I know someone who I never saw change her own baby's nappy for the first  18 months of the child's life. Friends did it, family did it, anyone but her. I thought it was just me being sensitive but others pointed it out too so I know it's not me. 

Just out of interest, how does your mum feel about her? I wonder if you can't talk to your mum and say you are finding it hard and think she's rubbing your face in it. Give her some of the examples you've given us, or show her this thread and let her read for herself? Maybe - if she sees these things too - she might be able to hatch a plan with you to minimise your exposure to her?


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## Kerryxo (Jul 10, 2013)

My mums fully aware and understands what she's like and the situation but because my brother is quite protective about her she is some what guarded. She's also argues with my brother when one of my family shows any negativity with her and if my mum says to not come round she gets upset and feeds my brother rubbish.

Sorry it sounds playground 

I just need my own space in a no win situation haha, I must sound like a dreadful moaning person I'm so sorry! 

I am starting to see my own light though thanks to you guys, all I need to think is positive. One day I will have my family fingers crossed  xx


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