# writing first letter box letter



## skyblu

Hi All, We need to write our first letter to birth parents by the end of the month.
What do you say?!!! We are in a right old pickle as we believe birth mum deserves a letter and want to say what a beautiful little girl lo is and how well she is doing etc, but every time I try it seems either to soppy or patronising. She has her faults but we do feel sorry for her in a way and don't want to hurt her feelings. Also we haven't had our court date yet and don't want to upset things and have her contesting the adoption again. We knew the likely hood of her having lo back is very very slim if she contestes but she could delay things. BF we couldn't really give a dam about him, he is in the right place at the moment and will only give him basic info on how lo is doing. 

What have any you have done in similar situations, we are really struggling and not really get much help from SW.

Thanks,
Skyblu.xx


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## GERTIE179

Hi skyblu,

We volunteered a letter for siblings who live too far for a meet up just now. I had complete writers block so DH and I tried together. It ended up helping us by writing to a distant aunt/cousins feeling. We kept it brief, how he had settled, happy etc. we focused on a typical week ie favourite foods, toys, how he was growing up and had outgrown clothes/shoes. Basically tried to give a little on his personality but didn't mention his challenges.

HTH
X


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## aaa is a MUMMY

Hi sky its really hard. We have just done no 2 and I still struggled.
I have typed ours so its easier to change. Be careful you don't give anything away about location I never mention zoo as only 1 locally and we spend loads of time there. I don't really know how to help just keep jiggling it around.
When we met bm last year there were things she asked about so have answered those questions again another year on they were hair,  words, food likes dislikes,  fav toy
If she does contest ours did after meeting us she had already started process it will only delay
Take care x


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## skyblu

Gertie and AAA, thanks for the replies. You both brought up topics I didn't think of, so thanks again.

Skyblu.xxxx


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## Wyxie

I've just written Wyxing's second and Bladelet's first contact letters.  I don't find it a major imposition to write one letter a year about my children.  I don't know whether I think it's a good thing for them, but at the moment it's certainly doing them no harm, and while that remains the case I'll continue to do it.

Having just taken another look at all three letters they are basically all in the same sort of format.  I wrote a paragraph about how they were settling with our family.  One about overall personalities, relationships and friendships they are forming.  One about health.  One about development.  Two or three paragraphs about things we do regularly that they enjoy, including favourite toys and things like such as swimming/play group.  One about a couple of special trips out without being too specific about where.  Another short paragraph about what wonderful children they are.  The end.  

In Wyxling's letters I have also included a brief paragraph about some of the difficulties she has in terms of attachment and behaviour, and that she is receiving appropriate support and making progress, without going into any detail. 

Hope that helps.

Wyxie xx


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## thespouses

I write similar to Wyxie and I find it helps me to think/remember what he's been doing and how he's been developing. We send a set number of photos and again it helps me remember to look back at the photos of the year and get a balanced set (doing things rather than just looking cute, or that show his personality rather than the nice outfits I wanted to show off when I took the picture oops!)

Because our children's birth families do love and care about  our children, even if they have no idea how to look after them, we were told make sure you show how well loved they are including by other family members. Birth family sometimes assume that adoptive family will reject a child because they are not biologically related so we make sure to show how well loved he is including by our families.


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## panorama

I have now written two and they are pretty brief, mostly what lo likes doing, what he can now do etc. so far not had any replies aside from one from grandparents last year so make it brief. Ask your social worker for examples to help too x


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## skyblu

Thanks for the replies everyone. We have now written the dreaded letter and have sent it to SW to look over. I think it' s all right. I showed it to my mum last night and she cried  and said that she would be very proud if she was receiving a letter like that from someone who was caring for her bc. But as I told her "you don't know what it is like to have a child taken from you, and then getting a letter from someone you don't know telling you that your child is doing this and that and you can't see it" 

Here's hoping it's o.k.

Skyblu.x


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## skyblu

Hi all, just an update, feeling very proud at the moment.
Sw rang and asked if they could use our letter in adoption training as they feel what we wrote is just enough and not too much detail. Apparently a lot of adopters don't say much and normally just send a card, saying that ***** is fine and that's about it.
Wonder what bp will think of it though 

Thanks again for all your advice.  
Skyblu.xxx


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