# Feeling a failure/ hopeless



## Jed1983 (Jan 10, 2015)

Hi everyone

Advice appreciated but I  just need to vent. I am getting so down with the whole ttc process. We have been trying for 2.5 years without so much of a hint of a bfp. I am regular as clockwork so never even needed to take a pregnany test! 
They think one of my tubes may be blocked although they can't be sure and everything else with me is fine.
They are sure we have mfi though as hes low on all tests.
They have referred us for icsi which I thought id be happy about but now it's happened I feel devasted, I saw Ivf as a last resort and I'm so worried about it as well as worried about it not working as it's our only hope.
I could cope with all this if it weren't for people's advice (I try not to tell people but sometimes it's necessary ) 
Peoples response is relax/ it'll happen when you least expect it/ stop thinking about it etc etc!! I feel like screaming at them me relaxing is not going to improve my husbands sperm count!!!
Then today the girl at work who sits next to me broke it to me she is pregnant. She's only been married a couple of months. I can't help but feel it's so unfair and just wish it was happening to us. I feel like a failure and just hopeless and embarrassed this is happening to me. Please tell me others feel like this and I'm not losing my mind xxx


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## M0ncris (Aug 25, 2013)

Dear Jed,

I'm sorry you find yourself and are feeling devastated.  What you are going through is completely normal, though painful.

I don't think there is a lady on here who hasn't had that sinking feeling when someone announces their pregnant.  I have lost count of the times I have said its not fair.

I would try to take each icsi step as it comes and not focus too much on it not working.  It works for a lot of people.  It is natural to be scared of the process but there are lots of ladies on here who can help you.  If you have a clinic you can join the clinic boards while you wait and ask questions.

For people's 'helpful' comments there is a whole thread in coping with infertility!

Please don't feel like a failure, you are not alone and this happens to so many people.  Good luck!

Mon
Xx


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## karenanna (Dec 27, 2008)

Hi jed - big  

I've put you some links below so you can chat online to others in the same place as you - you'll find this site a great support.

Coping with Infertility (a great place to vent about how insensitive people can be) - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=554.0

Our ICSI boards - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=31.0

Some info on male factors - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=35.0

I'd also recommend your other half gets some good vitamin supplements - wellmann or zita west conception seem to get recommended a lot. Here's a thread on supplements - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=226042.0

Lastly, we have regional boards where you can chat to ladies in your area and sometimes at your clinic here - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=218.0

Lots of  

KA xxx


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## Jed1983 (Jan 10, 2015)

Thank you both so much for your replies!
I know im just going through a bad patch as I do have weeks where I feel good and positive but sometimes it just takes over my mind.
I literally have the most fertile friends in the world who love to moan about their pregnancies!! Grrrrrr. I will definitely look at those boards. It's great to hear from people who've been through it. I didn't realise there were boards for people in your region that's a great idea.
Thanks for welcoming me and your kind words xxx


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## jenni01 (Oct 15, 2010)

Morning Jed 
I'm sorry that you're feeling this way hun 
But I echo what the other's have said..
We all have felt/feel so low at times that it's hard to ever think that you've got any fight left in you..
And then to top it off someone else get's pregnant or there's a pregnant woman or a new born baby crying.....need I go on 
To be honest I have cried so many times that I could fill a lake!! and there's many a time that I've wanted to just scream out loud "Enough I can't do it!" 
BUT...then the voice inside my head and my heart tells me to keep going, not to give up and that soon it will be my turn  
Try not to see IVF as a negative thing but as an option....that you can try all avenues and if you feel that you need more help that it's there for you to help.
There's such a mix of ladies on here and between all of them I think they've tried all kind's of natural or assisted help..
So pick their brain's and ask for advice...it will help hun  
Look after yourself and give yourself a break OK!
You're not a failure you're just hurting right now but you'll find your strength again!   
Jen.x


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## Jed1983 (Jan 10, 2015)

Thanks jenni! I swear before I Was TTC ing I would cry probably 3 times a year, now it's 3 times a day or even 3 times an hour!  
I know I need to be strong and persevere, good luck with your upcoming treatment xx


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## jenni01 (Oct 15, 2010)

Jed..
Any time hun 
That's what we're here for!!..The good and the bad times!!
I'm the same and it's even been asked if I have a heart cos of lack of show of emotions!! 
But it's hard to deal with all we have to and to try and stay strong all the time..
As for me...well I've not had a drink since Boxing Day and lately I could have really done with one!!  
If I can help in anyway...be it advice, a rant or a giggle just let me no 
Thanks for the good luck...I'm an old hat but DE is new to me and I'm scared and excited 
Take care
Jen.x


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## Milajayne (Jan 2, 2013)

I'm sorry, I know EXACTLY what you are going through and I've been there.  I confided in a colleague about IVF and soon after she told me she was 6 weeks pregnant. She was the worst pregnant woman in the world and it was impossible to have a conversation with her that didn't somehow come round to her being pregnant. Maybe because I had been trying for so long this just felt magnified but people's insensitivity can have no bounds. 
I found this forum to be a great help just to get things off my chest. I also went to a fertility counselling session to get it all off my chest. These are generally offered free during or after treatment: I only used 1 session but I really feel it helped me. 
It's a hard path but hopefully rewarding in the end xxxx


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## Jed1983 (Jan 10, 2015)

I was thinking about joining FF for ages and I'm pleased I have now! 

I told my best friend (who is a total baby bore) that I'm having a hard week as my colleagues just announced her pregnancy and I'm also upset because a friends ivf has failed this week.
Her response was 'that sounds annoying but shouldn't ruin your week'
'And just because your friends ivf failed I'm sure it'll work fir you.'
Hmmmm how about I actually have compassion for my poor friend who's going through it and that's why I'm upset!

I have a kids bday party to contend with this weekend, I'll be pretty much the only childless one there. Jen- I'm not drinking either but I've demanded that the host of the kids party buys me a box of wine! It's the only way I'll get through it ha!

Thanks mila, it's so hard to see her daily, I'm honestly happy for her as it was very much planned but she came out with the gem of ' it'll happen for you when you least expect it!" Bore off with your lame advice! I'm going to try counselling too as driving my husband insane 
Thanks for all your advice xxx


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## jenni01 (Oct 15, 2010)

Hi Jed!!
Good luck with the Birthday Party!...at least you're having a box of wine!
Just be sure to take it out the box and squeeze out every last drop! 
You'll be fine hun...even your post's seem more upbeat!
It's good to know that you're in a place where nobody judges you and only wants whats best for you! 
Mila....Congratulations on your pregnancy!!    
Has it sunk in yet?!
Have a good day.. 
Jen.x


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