# Gutted, feeling scared I'll never be a Mummy



## Josie1 (Sep 30, 2013)

Hi ladies 

My 2nd attempt at ICSI has just failed and I feel devastated 

They were pleased with the quality, I had the scratch this time to try and help and it still didn't work. I feel so scared that's it never going to work.

Sorry for the negativity I just keep asking myself why? My 1st cycle didn't work and they said it was "nature"


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## M0ncris (Aug 25, 2013)

Hi Josie,

I am so sorry you find yourself here.  It takes time to get over the pain of a negative cycle when you go through so much.

I don't know whether you have any more cycles on the nhs or what investigations you' ve had but one thing to check is if you have any immune issues that are stopping implantation? You can do blood tests to check this, and I'm not sure where you are based but I know there is a dr in Harley street that does this.  You could read the information in Agates thread which is really helpful.  It's in the immune investigation part of the forum (sorry I don't know how to add links).

I'm sure others on here will have suggestions too.  Good luck.

Mon
X


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## Pudding34 (May 13, 2013)

Hi Josie!

Your post really resonated with me as I think the same thing all the time!

Ultimately if it doesn't work we will find a way to cope, but for now we need to focus on making it work!

After my second transfer, which resulted  in another chemical pregnancie we had immune tests done at the Lister clinic in London I can't recommend them more highly, you may have a blood clotting issue or raised nk cells, get he immune tests done if for nothing more than setting you mind at test that it's all fine, they are right though sometimes it is just dumb luck and you have to keep trying, think about other women who don't suffer the way we do, they get 12 tries a year we get a few in our lifetime if we are lucky, you just have to make those few count!

Get the tests done and maximise your chances!

In the meantime, grieve for your loss and talk to you FFs, we are all here to support you no matter what! I am part of the Negative cycle buddies thread and you are very welcome to join us hopefully we can offer you some comfort!

Take good care of yourself sweetie and be kind to yourself!

Pudding
X


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## Josie1 (Sep 30, 2013)

Thanks ladies 

We are in Scotland so not sure what places do tests here. We have 2 frosties still and another NHS cycle to try before we look at private again.

I just worry incase it doesn't happen but I guess we jus need to stay strong and positive. 

We booked a holiday for May to go and chill for a week, then we'll try again x


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Josie
Sorry for you BFN.  Here is something I posted for another lady 

'I had an endometrial biopsy with Prof B and Prof Q at Coventry which showed high endometrial NK cells so I take prednisolone, intralipid infusions and clexane to help implantation.  I discovered the high NK cell fairly late on and have now gotten too old to use my own eggs although I did get a chemical pregnancy with this treatment. I think it is worth having the biopsy if you have had a couple of IVF failures.  It costs £360 and the money you pay helps to further  Porf Q and Prof B recurrent miscarriage and implantation failure research as they are NHS rather than money making private clinic.  The prednisolone help raise the amount of steroid in the endometrium which is thought to assist implantation.'

You have to watch the expensive private clinics for they will often rip you off with lots of expensive  tests many of which are unproven, when the treatment is usually simple such as prednisolone and intralipids which can be and may as well be given without necessarily repeating again and again expensive testing such as blood NK cells.  

However be warned many Consultants do not believe in using prednisolone  and or intralipids - it is a controversial area.  Personally I think the benefits out weigh the risk of using such medications but not for IgG or other blood products or adalinumab which are often promoted.  For more information take a look at the book 'Is your body Baby Friendly? by Dr Alan Beer'.  I don't go with everything in this book but it is an interesting read.

Good Luck 
TC x


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## Maria00 (May 16, 2013)

Ciao Josie, I remember you from the GCRM thread. Sorry for your BFN. I just got my second BFN too and I am feeling the same.  
This time I had hysto (all good with my uterus) with implantation cuts, immune testing and I used prednisolone and clexane, I had 3 perfect blasts put back... and yet it did not work. I sure feel like this is the end of the road for me, BUT I will be 39 this year, while you are SO YOUNG! Keep hoping and hopefully next time it will be the right one for you!


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

PS
Tests to consider, which you may be able to get through your GP or yourself through The Doctors Laboratory if you get GP or another doctor to sign the form are:

DVV Test Ratio (Lupus Anticoagulant test)
Coagulation screen (Prothrombin, APTT, APTT Normal, 20/80 APTT)
G20210A Prothrombin Gene mutation
Anticardiolipin antibodies
ANA
Antithrombin Activity
Protein C Amidolytic Actvity
Free Protein S Antigen
APC Resistance Ratio
APC (V modified) Resistance Ratio
Vitamin D
Prolactin,
LH 
FSH
AMH
Thyroid (TSH needs to be below 2.5 for fertility patients)
Fasting blood glucose

for your man - sperm DNA fragmentation and Sperm Aneuploidy (FISH)

You have possibility had some of these so you will only need those you have not had.  More expensive tests often done are Factor V Gene mutation and MTHFR Gene Mutation but these are more expensive and I am not sure they are worth it as the treatment is probably cheaper than the test - so often it is just as well using Clexane treatment.  

As Maria says you have age on your side, where as Maria and I know age is sadly not on our side!
TC x


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## Ajays (Feb 27, 2013)

Hi - I would echo what the other ladies have said. Get the immune tests done. I'm sure there must be somewhere you can get it done in Scotland and if not could you come to London just for the tests? I'm sure you could then get a prescriotio n faxed to you if you did need treatment.
I have had 5 previous unsuccessful rounds of ivf which were described as 'unexplained'.
This last cycle I had all the immune tests done and it should I have super hugh cytokine levels which they treated and I just got my bfp yesterday. Really that was the only major difference between this cycle and my previous ones. It worked for me.
good luck.


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