# Feeling lost



## Samesquibelcher86 (Dec 18, 2015)

Myself and my husband have been ttc number 2 now for nearly 3 years. We have a beautiful daughter and we are so grateful to have her in our lives and know we are lucky to have her. However a year and a half ago I suffered a miscarriage and still can't seem to get over it! I'm still mourning the loss of what we could have had I suppose. 
I have polycystic ovaries and a hormonal imbalance, last year I had an ovarian drilling procedure in the hopes of helping me ovulate more regular, I have also tried going back on the pill for a few months in the hopes of trying to regulate me and I also have tried herbal remedies too. It just seems like I am walking against a brick wall, getting nowhere! We have been told by hospital now there is nothing else they can do and I most likely have what they call unexplained infertility and that it is very common! Also if we still want to pursue having another child we will have to go the private route, which we can not afford! 
I feel like I'm stuck, because I'm not on a regular cycle so I get my hopes up every month thinking this month might be it and low and behold I'm faced with negative pregnancy tests. I honestly don't know how much longer I can do it for and how much more heartache I can go through. My husband said we can find the money somewhere and either do IUI or IVF but I don't know if I could cope if they didn't work either. We have looked at a local nhs clinic that you can get a referral and it's is substantially cheaper that totally private clinics but it's whether my doctor will even refer me. 
I get so upset every time I see someone pregnant and have a few of my friends recently have their second child and I felt awful because I just couldn't get involved with the whole process. I feel stupid because there are people who haven't even got one child and I'm moaning about having a second. Maybe it because I'm from a big family and when I see my daughter playing on her own I wish I could give her a sibling.
The root of my problems I know though are that I managed to get pregnant and it was taken away and I haven't been able to get pregnant again and I guess I'm just angry and sad all the time, I just want this feeling to go away, I keep telling myself maybe it's just not ment to be for us and I guess I'm just going to have to be ok with that it's just so hard.
I don't know how long we should keep trying for?


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