# Have radical surgery and get rid of the pain or TTC and keep suffering?! Help??



## xBabliciousx (Jul 3, 2012)

Hi Everyone! 

I need some opinions ladies as I've been faced with making a decision I'm really struggling to make!  

I currently have stage 3 endometriosis and a left-hydrosalpinx. I suffer from extreme pain almost everyday and its become a real struggle.  

Following my recent visit to see my Gynae consultant, he suggested to get rid of the pain that I have radical surgery (removal of ovaries, tubes, the lot etc...)  

The though of this absolutely guts me as I know in my heart that my family isn't complete yet. I'm only 28 and although I am blessed to have two DD from a previous relationship, my current partner does not have any children and I know that he'd love a child of his own. The thought of never being able to have another child terrifies me and makes me feel sick to the pit of my stomach!!! 

After explaining that I've not finished my family yet, my consultant told me I have to TTC with immediate effect OR choose to have the surgery. Although we both want a child together, we hadn't thought of RIGHT NOW! But when faced with now or never as he suggested, I know that I'd desperately love to have another child, but had just never considered NOW! So we've decided to try and conceive naturally and just see what happens.   But the thing is, I'm just in so much pain I don't know how much longer I can stand this! Do I give in to the pain and give up my hopes of ever being a Mummy again or keep on letting the pain ruin my life in the hope that I'll be able to fall pregnant quickly??

I just can't bring myself to have the op, but how long can I carry on? I'd feel so dreadful for taking away my parters chance of ever being a Daddy, I just couldn't do that to him. 

I don't really have anyone I can speak to about how I'm feeling and what I'm going through, which is why I've joined this site.

If any of you ladies are currently or have been through similar experiences, I'd love to hear from you xx

Sorry for the rant, but had to get it all out!
Hope to hear from you soon, 
Many thanks xx




Me: 28 Endo Stage 3
Him: 30 Perfect x


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## Bubblicious (Jul 8, 2010)

Bablicious, what a horrible dilemma you have.  I haven't been in a similar situation but I had a friend who has had to put away any dreams of a sibling for her DS because she was advised to have a hysterectomy.  My sister who has no children yet suffered from a large fibroid and had very heavy, painful periods was also told to get pregnant then have a hysterectomy.  However, she was lucky to have had treatment which has reduced the fibroid buying her more time.

Only you know how you feel and how much pain you can cope with.  What are you DH's thoughts on the situation?  Have you had an honest heart to heart with him about it?  Sometimes how you think your DH feels about it isn't what he actually feels.


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## xBabliciousx (Jul 3, 2012)

Thanks for your support Bubblicious  So sorry to hear about your friend, that's terrible, she must be gutted. When you said about your sister, it makes me grateful to already have my 2 beautiful daughters, I am so lucky in that respect. I love them so much, they are my world! But thats another reason it upsets me that my DH may never be able to experience that kind of love  Its great that shes been able to get treatment to buy her time, My consultant has referred me to a fertility specialist to help us get pregnant, but I'm hoping that he might be able to suggest some kind of treatment for me too which might but us some time or just help me with the pain whilst we TTC. Although can't see him until the end of Sept so I'm hoping I might be pregnant by then, fingers crossed!  

Me and my DH have had a couple of heart to hearts about it, I've told him how close I've been to considering having the surgery done and he knows what that would mean for us. Although he hasn't said it, I know he would rather me not have surgery. Now you mention it though, it would be better if I actually heard the words, so will try and have another heart to heart with him, just make sure what I think he thinks is right.

And congratulations on the birth of your daughter!


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## DBaby2 (Jul 29, 2010)

Hi Bablicious, so sorry to hear your predicament.  I'm not in the same situation but thought I'd reply.  We have a DD 3 1/2yrs naturally.  Then told we had fertility problems and been trying for 3 years.  Had ICSI in Feb, got pg then lost the baby.  Its been pretty tough.  However, we felt we were faced with having to make a decision about our future because last year I was depressed with it all and it has simply affected all areas of my life.  Thankfully my DH has been strong for me.  We decided something had to give so we decided that we would give ICSI two goes only and then got on with life.  Its been really tough making that decision knowing that our DD may never have a sibling but like I say something had to give in order for us to get on with our lives.

If you make a plan and can agree and deal with the consequences of it that might help.  Theres a lot of soul searching but we came to realise lifes for living and no regrets so we have to simply make the best of what we have.

Could the DR/Consultants get you in contact with a counsellor who might help?  I've not used them but I know some women do find them helpful.

I wish you all the very best. xx


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## xBabliciousx (Jul 3, 2012)

Thanks for your advice Dbaby2  I'm sorry to hear of your loss, that must have been awful for you both to go through. I feel exactly the same as you describe about having to make a decision, its ruining my life, I've become so depressed by it, it's all I think about all day everyday. I go through things in my head and change my mind about 4 times a day! I'm so confused with it all and on my own with it really. Obviously I have spoken to my DH about things, but tbh I try not to, as I know it must get him down too, so I just try and cope with my emotions on my own.

Making a plan sounds like a really good idea. At the moment, the uncertainty of everything is making me feel awful. I almost wish the decision was taken out of my hands as it would be so much easier that way, then I would feel like I was to blame for making a  wrong choice later on down the line. So far, we've agreed to try not to think about it until after we've seen the fertility specialist in Sept. I'm just hoping I can hold on til then and the pain doesn't cripple me. 

I might try and find a counsellor actually as I could probably do with the support of someone unrelated. Things are difficult to discuss with friends and family when there's so much emotion involved aren't they?

Thank you so much for your message, it means a lot and I really do wish you the very best. Making a decision like that  is very brave and I actually find it very inspirational, so thank you xx


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