# pets and intros



## tigerbabe (May 26, 2011)

Just a question we will be doing intros 19th May and we have a dog and cat and just wondered how people got on with this our dog may be having a operation soon so may be laid up to rest usually she is a bouncy dog even at over 3 years old but worried foster carer won't like this when she comes with baby for intros acl to our home.
A few have said why don't we put our dog in doggy day care so she isn't in the way but then she is part of our family it's hard I  worry about everything and not sure foster carer is 100% happy with us and we don't want anything to go wrong


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I feel your pain we are having to send our dog away for the whole of intros and the initial time when our los move in.  I personally don't think this is best but the girls sw has insisted on it. I think you have to do what you feel will work for you.  I know our dog will come back bouncing off the walls because he finds time away from us so traumatic and this isn't the best state for dog and kids to meet.  Also I have got to handle two children and a dog that's going to be my life so I might as well get used to it in my opinion.  However we have to do what we are told.  Personally if it was my call I think the sooner they all adjust to each other the better.  It's only another upheaval and change for lo to meet a pet later. I would have a plan to separate dog and children if and when needed obviously - I'm sure you've thought of that.  Good luck x x


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

1st time we put our dogs in kennels for our time away, then got them home before LO came here. We had put a stair gate at the bottom of the stairs just to stop the dogs going upstairs when our LO was 1st here, so on his 1st visit we put the dogs the other side until he got used to them, which I have to say they were let out within 5 minutes because he was fine.

2nd time long distance again so as we only had the one dog this time asked if they could book accommodation we could take the dog as well, which they did, as new LO was very used to having very large dogs in BF we had no problems what so ever.


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## Zargus (Jan 9, 2012)

Interesting DIY, our LO's sw has hinted she thinks not having the dog around might be an idea, but they've been really good and have said that if we disagree with something they suggest we should mention it and we can discuss any issues we have. Despite them suggesting we are introduced as fc friends (our LO is 4 and been in 5 homes in his short life so they're concerned with how he'll cope with another move) they have been willing to listen to our views and offer a compromise.  

I disagree with sending the dog away as like you say surely that would be more traumatic for the children when your dog comes bouncing back in. Isn't the point of intros to not only get used to their routine but for them to come to your house and ease into your lives, which includes you having a dog.  If you had another child, you wouldn't send them away would you?

I like the idea of using a stair gate so the LO can see the dog but she'll be at a distance. I've a little Jack Russell who is the sweetest thing but is like your shadow, always at your side. But when anyone comes to the door, she barks, not maliciously but she just gets so excited so we're going to see if we can meet at the park and then come home. Will be a calmer meeting for them all!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Vetty our dog is my shadow too. The Stair Gate is fantastic idea unfortunately for us although my dog isn't big he can really jump. Once he cleared a four and a half foot garden fencr from standing because I had walked to do gardening on the other side for a prolonged period of time.  So a stairs l gate will be no match for him. He adores children when nephews nieces or friends children come he goes round the house looking for them after they have left then lies down looking all sad when he can't find them.  We'll just have to play it by ear I guess.  Just don't want the girls scared seeing him really stressed from being away rather than his normal placid self.  Us going away is the only thing that stresses him really.  Interesting to hear what others have done Thanks all x x


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## Zargus (Jan 9, 2012)

DIY your dog sounds lovely.  My dog loves children too, but mainly because they'll play with her for hours on end whereas hubby and I get a bit fed up throwing the ball all day long lol.  

I assume you've spoken to yours and your children's social workers about how stressed your dog will be and told them of your concerns about the possible detrimental effect their plan of you sending him away could be?  I think sometimes SWs who either don't own or dislike animals think it is ok to just dismiss our pets.  They seem to forget they are part of the family.


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

DIY when you bring your dog home could you do it while the girls are out, or in bed, if possible.  Maybe hubby could bring him home and you could try and get the worst of it out of his system before they wake up. 

Tigerbabe, I agree that it makes sense to have pets around from word go, and think that SWs get too hung up on this.  However keeping them apart when not directly supervised, and even some of the time when they are directly supervised, is sensible.  I think you need to have plans in place for this and the more you can demonstrate that you've considered the possible problems the less likely it is that you're going to get unreasonable requests.  

A couple from our prep group had to re-home their dog after a very very minor incident where baby got a little scratch on her arm (they were both reaching for the same toy while playing, it was accidentally done) - our kids have both had much more significant injuries from MIL's cat when it got naffed off at them poking it - but SS would not budge.  They were told to get the dog out the house immediately and given three days to decide whether to rehome the dog or have their child removed.  They tried to argue the case and had the dog assessed at their own expense but SS wouldn't even read the report.  Essentially, without wanting to scare anyone, be very careful with pets until you have AO through and can act like a normal parent!

We have two cats and they have been so good for our daughter; pets can be a brilliant way to "get through" to traumatised children.

All the best,

Wyxie xx


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## Anthony Reid (Jan 1, 2002)

We didn't have much choice and had to put our Dog in the local kennels.

Try not to raise too much of an issue with the social worker about this though - as they might do what they did with us and force us to have the dog assessed by an animal behaviourist at the last minute. It's not cheap either!

If your worried about kennels - maybe you can place her with a family member or a friend for the day, then bring her back a bit later in the evening?


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi,

I agree you need to agree to SW terms in early days re pets. Our dog wasn't at home when LO first came to ours (he's at dog day care during the week) but he was at home for the weekend days. Our LO actually coped better those days even though I could never let my guard down. Both boys were very stressed and the fig absorbed LOs stress and was very very anxious. 

We kept a FT dog day care as it was the sensible thing to do for a very long time. Even now the boys can't have full days at home (incl out for walks/play etc) unless it's for illness. 

I do agree you need to get your routine and normality established but a few days/weeks in the early days isn't the worst. DIY - I like Wxyie's idea if poss the dog comes home at night and he goes to day boarder or family during the day then he'll get used to the girls' smells etc.

Ps be warned of dog destroying the kids things' - I've had brand new clarks shoes destroyed and my own slippers from my very well behaved doggy out of jealousy at being left home whilst LO got to come with me. X


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Yes, pets can protest in interesting ways.  Ours have been pretty good, but my MIL's cat poos on something MIL really likes every time we take the kids to visit.  I can't say it doesn't amuse me, but I think that's largely fueled by MIL's attitude to us regarding our kids, combined with the gleeful way Wyxling announces whatever she's pooed on if Wyxling finds it.


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## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

Wyxie that's too funny x


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Our dog went to family when dd initially visited and then we introduced them gradually. This was mostly because we had been told she was frightened of dogs... This didn't turn out to be the case, in fact the dog is more afraid of her than the other way round!

We have a crate for the dog and a stair gate to keep them separated as needed, I'm still wary of leaving them alone together as dd can be rather heavy handed  

Dog also extremely fond of chewing plastic toys


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## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

Our SW asked my brother one of our references would he have our dog during intros, she hasn't told me that yet but he did which reassured me that at least she's ok with us keeping him as it was mentioned a few times would we be willing to re-home if we had to, devastated wasn't the word as currently he is my absolute baby, but he is a dog and I have to be realistic if it came to it, but I was clear that he will only ever be re-homed if there is a valid factual / evidential reason as to why. He is our dog and we will manage him in the best way that suits our lo, even if it means him having his time in the evenings when a lo isn't around so much, I won't let him go lightly! xx


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

crazyspaniel said:


> Dog also extremely fond of chewing plastic toys


I will never forget the look on Wyxling's face the first time one of our cats bounded into the front room, did the proper cat hunting bottom wiggle, pounced on her favourite toy (tigger) and proceeded to drag him over the stairgate and into the kitchen to savage him. She does the proper cat gutting prey with back legs thing on anything she catches, live or not, and is really quite ferocious, despite being tiny and absolutely adorable. Wyxling was extremely indignant at the stairgate to the kitchen. "No, tigtig, 'at (cat), no, tigtig, 'at, stop dat, 'at, tigtig back, now, mine... 'ease!".


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## Poppets Mammy (Mar 7, 2011)

Very quickly as I should be asleep  

We've got two spaniels (one old and one younger) and at the time of intros had a cat as well. It was a minor concern as to how poppet would take to the pets as she hadn't had any before. We arranged for my parents to have the dogs for her first visit to our house and for her to meet the dogs out of the house at the beach to try and minimise any intimidation/overwhelming. Well poppet (who was 2 years old at the time) demanded they came home with us immediately from our beach walk as they were her dogs and she wanted them in her house. 

We had been really anxious about how the dog meet would go and it couldn't if gone better. That being said all animals and children are different. We had a back up plan incase the dogs needed to stay with my parents for a few days or longer if poppet didn't take to them. But thankfully she loved them from the word go and they are her best friends now. All situations are different and there's many experiences and advise here but wanted to share a positive one


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Ha ha love it poppets mummy. Poppet always gets everyone in order. Wyxie the idea of getting the dog back at night is a really good one and probably the best way to go.  Hopefully the girls will take to him quickly and we'll settle into a routine fairly early.


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

Think with us it helped that our SW is a huge dog lover so very much wanted our dogs included as much as possible especially 2nd time round as we only had one then. Both our children being older had said they wanted a family with a dog. 

And our daft dogs loved going to the kennels a anyway, so at least 1st time round when they had to go we were not stressing about that.


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## Kelloggs (Aug 15, 2011)

I'm very new to the adoption process but I've also wondered about this. I have a 2 year old very bouncy daft chocolate lab. He loves children and calms down very quickly, I'm hoping that by the time the whole adoption process is complete he'll be nearly 3 and maybe calmer.  I'm not sure I agree putting them in the kennels and the. Introducing them later as surely that's worse?


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I think a lot of it depends on the SW's involved.  Our agency are very pro pet and often discuss the emotional advantages of pets for children who have been let down by adults.  However our children's agency are a lot more pet cautious and ultimately we have to play by their rules.  Fc says that our youngest is very fixated on the dog in our dvd so we'll have to see x


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## tigerbabe (May 26, 2011)

Thanks for everyone's feedbacks our little pink will only be just over 6 months old when coming Home to us and it's going be a long hours for some of the days and we might let her stay at dh uncle home in countryside as dog loves it there and she may be recovering from an op.


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## scoobydooby (Nov 5, 2013)

We had to have a dog assessment done during home assessment at our expense, it cost us £90. He passed with flying colours and the guy doing the assessment told me we had a fantastic dog that would be a great friend for our lo. The reality was so much different unfortunately. He was a working dog breed and had been used to 5 years of constant attention from both so us, and long walks daily. When lo came home we just didn't have the time any longer to keep this up and I could see the start of resentment towards lo from him so we took the hardest decision ever to rehome him. This was for 2 reasons, firstly it just wasn't fair on him, he needed to be with someone who could give him the attention and exercise he needed, and secondly (and most importantly) I just could not risk having a jealous dog near our lo.
Thankfully a good friend took him and he's in just as good, if not better hands now


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

What an incredibly difficult decision for you, I can only imagine how hard that was.

We were asked during our home assessment whether we would rehome our cats if we had to.  We said of course we would if we really had to, but our cats were very special to us, they have been a replacement of sorts when we were struggling with fertility treatment and losses, and that it would be very much a last resort.  A few months after Wyxling was placed she took to lashing out at the cats to get at me, which was awful.  Mostly they got out the way but she kicked one of them one night.  Our poor little beasties were rescue cats and it took us so long to gain their trust in the first place, it really felt like we'd betrayed that in encouraging them to come to our daughter, and then she suddenly started to turn on them without warning.  We talked about what we would do if we did have to let them go.  My husband was pretty down anyway about the situation at that point; things were not going well, the child that we'd dreamed of and finally got was completely rejecting us and fought us constantly, and the thought of losing our cats as well was just devastating.  Fortunately she never hurt them again and actually wanting them to like her forced her to learn to be quieter, slower, more gentle, in a way not much else could have done, because otherwise they just upped and ran off.  I think if we'd had a dog, we may have felt like we needed to rehome because the risk to Wyxling would have been much greater.


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## scoobydooby (Nov 5, 2013)

Yes very hard Wyxie. Like yourselves our dog had been like the child we had never had. We spent that first day in floods of tears, and lo loved dogs too, but we just couldn't take the risk no matter how slight of him doing anything to lo. It is one of the most difficult decisions we have ever had to make, but in hindsight life in the house is now so much easier just having to keep our eyes on what lo is doing, if you can call that easy!  lol

Hopefully one day when both our lo's are older we can get another as I think not only are they great companions, I think having a dog gives children a sense of responsibility. It did for me as a youngster anyway.


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