# am I bad to feel like this?



## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

I came into work today to find an email from a good friend of mine who I was meant to see last week but she cried off coz she was ill. 

I'd seen her a month or so ago and explained what we were going through and she was really sympathetic...up until the point she then spent half an hour telling me she was worried she may take a while to conceive number three! (I didn't have the heart to butt in and point out how some of us out there are finding it hard to conceive number one, let alone number three!)

anyhow - she only has to look at her dh to fall - and so I wondered if the reason she'd cried off from our night out was coz she might be preggers (even though she said they were probably going to wait a year as her two are only just 3 and 1) so I emailed her - and right enuf - she is.

I just feel REALLY gutted - I'm glad in a way she hadn't called as I don't think I would have been able to veil my 'disappointment' - but why can't I just be happy for her? I just think though - how come someone is able to get preggers with number three (all because they want a boy) and we're still waiting - two years on for just one!! (boy or girl!)

To make it worse someone has also come into work today and announced she's three months gone - 'an accident' with her new partner.....she's already got two who are 11 and 8!!

I feel really wierd about it all - don't know whether to laugh or cry.....



S

xx 

(feel like munching way through huge choc bar.....but am trying to be good ahead of going to WW this Thursday)


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

Oh hunny I totally know where you are coming from I have felt this so many times.  When a friend of mine a few months back said she was expecting her 2nd I was initially so happy for her but then   for hours after putting the phone down.  It did get easier.  

Next to where I am sat typing this I have a 6 months pregnant girl, pregnant on her 3rd.  sometimes I am totally normal with her other times I can't bear to look at her.  

Its so hard to understand why some people are lucky enough to get pregnant by accident, or why they can have child after child easily  

Have you emailed her back?  xxx


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

Hunny don't feel guilty for the way you're feeling...it's perfectly natural after everything you're going through & I think we can all empathise with you.
 

It isn't easy but we just have to keep positive that it'll happen for us too...as you know I've recently had a couple of friends tell me they're pg with their 2nd...and then on Friday evening I met with my best buddie...she has a 10yr old son from past relationship...always told me how fertile she was cos she was on pill when conceived...anyway, she was then on the contraception injection (depo) for 8yrs following Connors birth & came off 2 yrs ago as she'd had enuff of the hormones...now she didn't get a period for about 18mths & only in last 6mths has she got them...but she's not really been using contraception either, even though she doesn't want another child...so on Friday she tells me, after a few glasses of wine, that she hadn't come on & thought she was pg but had done an hpt & it was negative but still no AF...then she says, "well we weren't really having much sex this month as so tired etc & only mucked around the once"...and I was like but it only takes the once & why the hell aren't you using contraception ? Apparently she'd not told me initially cos she didn't want to upset me cos she was my "safe" friend, the one not wanting to get pg (unlike most of our others majority of who seem to be ttc or be pg or have children)...I'm glad she told me & she's seeing her GP on Friday as she thinks that her hormones are mucked up...but it did annoy me cos she knows how badly we want a baby & everything we've been going through & she can't even be bothered to use a condom when she doesn't want another baby & then worries she's pg...arrgghhhh !

Anyway, sorry to have hijacked your post with my own rant...it's just I'm totally with you sweet...

Thinking of you
Take care
Natasha


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## sarahstewart (Aug 4, 2005)

away girls - I do it all the time!  I usually tell my   how angry I am as DH gets a bit fed up with it all! (cat thinks I am loopy!  )

All of my mates except one have kids and I have had to deal with all of them backing off as they could not relate to my   outbursts at one point or another.  So I am quite a hard cow sometimes   and thought feck em.  I have now 2 best mates (1 has 4 kids but understands as she can't conceive with new partner and had a couple of m/c) and 1 single childless mate - the others have buggered off or I have driven them away.

Not sure if that helps anyone - BUT I suppose the way we feel is normal!  

Take care all

sorry for waffle ........


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

Flowerpot - i've just emailed her back feeling guilty - feeling even more so now as she says she has to go for a scan today as she's been bleeding on and off for the last 3 weeks (how bad do I feel now?)

Minxy - I know what you mean about friends not using anything and taking things for granted - this girl at work raved about the contraception injection so I asked how come she'd 'fallen' and she said that she was unable to get one last XMAS EVE (HOW LONG AGO!) and hasn't been bothered to get one since! I've been off the pill for over two years now and using nothing at all - and yet I still haven't had any luck 

Sarah - wish I had a furbaby to rant at (poor dh got it in the ear when I went on my break this am!) I too am starting to feel a bit   sometimes with my 'mum' friends when they go on about how their children tie them down - just DON'T want to hear it! 

I just went and scoffed a crunchie in my break - if all else fails....there's always choc to make me  !.....(don't worry clomid dieters - will be 'counting' the points!)

feeling really nervous now about testing day next Monday - as I think if it's bad news again this latest news may set me off  

S
xx


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## candle76 (Nov 2, 2005)

i can really relate to what you're saying.I worked really hard on fighting this when my work collegue and close friend fell pregnant.i was really angry although i didn't tell her and ranted off to another friend about how unfair it was that i had to do all her work etc and my friend said your problem isn't her and you're got to deal with this. 
She was right i found that by focusing on the fact my friend needed abit of support because her body was changing.Also rembering the baby she was having wasn't a .mary/jo baby= (insert your name and your partner) and that baby would be happening wheather i knew her or not.Also after my m/c i  trsee all babies as miracles and try to be pleased that some one who loves them is having one. This works for me but i think you have to be honest with your feelings to know where you are.Infertility is a grief as we are all coping with.
Sorry this post is deeper than i intended!!


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

thanks for that candle

I haven't stopped thinking about this all day - started bawling it to bloody John Legend's 'Ordinary People' on my way back from food shopping - my hormones are all over the place!

My emotions have been ranging from excitement for them both right to the other end of the scale - to anger - angry that it was MY turn next, to announce that I was expecting, NOT them - they've been there - done that.

But I guess I just have to accept that they won't be the first or the last people to tell me they're preggers so I should just move on.

Then to top it all I went food shopping this afternoon, and EVERYWHERE I turned there were newborn babies or pregnant women......grrrrr....is someone out to punish me today?



S
xx


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## tracyb (Aug 29, 2005)

Hi S,

I am so sorry that you are having such a bad day .  All I can say is that you are perfectly normal to feel this way  

Please don't be so hard on yourself, it is so stressful being in the 2ww, as we all know  

Just concentrate on yourself and stay positive  and I am looking forward to receiving some good news week   

Take care

Love Tracyxx


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

thanks Tracy!!

am trying to be   but you know what it's like!


S
xx


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## Fidget (Jan 27, 2005)

I soooooooo know what yr going through, My darling hunni's sister sent him a text asking how our ET had gone, when he replied to say 2 on borad just witing now, she replied with 'well while your waiting we have some news, your going to be an uncle AGAIN in May' Needless to say both of us were really pee'd off, this is their 4th for goodness sake, couldnt they have waited untill after her 12 weeks scan

having to tell them we were -ve a few days later was just awful for him   

Love and hugs at such a difficult time

Debs
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

cheers Debs - I guess we should be happy for them - and I probably would if it was their first - but when I see one of the girls I'm talking about in particular, and how she is with the two she has, she's SO not maternal - her children and their toys have their 'place'...they can't put this here...can't go in there...what fun is that for them?

And if I hear one more person tell me what a great mum I would be I'll   for them!

hope you get your bfp soon!

S
xx


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## honeypot31 (Mar 8, 2005)

I know just how you feel too ive been told by so many people lately that they are exspecting, 2 of which have just given birth and i see them every time i visit my parents.

Fidget: same thing happened to us too, my BIL couldnt wait to phone and tell dh he is going to be an uncle again it just happened to be the day i got af i sat and cried for an hour,Poor dh didnt know how to tell me i know its not theire fault and they are happy but im really starting to resent them and i hate feeling that way i know they would be happy for us if it was the other way round its just so hard   

Good luck to everyone.

L.xx


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

how DOUBLY peed off am I know

the girl at work who is preggers has told me today that she's still smoking! despite being 3 months gone!! 

ggrrrrrrrrrrr - its SO unfair


S
xx


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

OH I HATE THAT!!      

I can never understand why people still smoke when pregnant.  Grrrrrrr

big hugs hun


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

my mum did when she was expecting me and my bro (I'm a twin)

she says in the 70's there wasn't the same concerns - mmmmm - but I like to remind her every now and again that I've now got her to thank for my seasonal asthma and constant chest infections during the winter!!

S
xx


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## Nettie (Mar 24, 2005)

Hi Girls

I really know how you feel, I going to hospital later today for a review - well to get more monster pills as my DH calls them and this morning my office junior asked to speak to me in private.

You know that feeling when you just know whats coming, She sat down in informed me she 8 weeks and needs time off for a termination! 
I wanted to shout at her that if she had the baby I would look after it and adopt it but I didn't I just went through all the options with her and just talked to her and she's really made her mind up to go ahead.

I've also had a phone call yesterday to say that the chromosome blood test that I need for Egg share, the culture didn't grow and I would have to start again and thats put me back by 2 months.

Anyway I need to think calm thoughts so when the doc asks me how I'm doing on clomid I don't thump him   even if though it will make me feel better.


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

oh Nettie, what a horrible thing to have to go through but you handled it so well so good on you    So sorry the culture didnt grow and good luck for not   the consultant!  deep breaths now....1....2.....3 !!  

Oh B3ndy totally know where you are coming from    I think because we want this and have tried so much we just would never do anything to risk it xx


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

How awful for you Nettie

I too would have felt like bopping her one - the irony of it though - it's what makes us clomid chicks such strong people though

 to you about the egg share

I am a great believer in fate though - and how everything happens for a reason - we have to go through things like this I reckon because it'll make us better parents as and when hopefully it does happen - that's what I like to think anyway

S
xx


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## jaffa_orange (Jul 14, 2004)

Oh god Fidget that's just plain selfish (and bad taste). 

B3ndy (and others) I'm so sorry for the way you're feeling, and no, you are not bad to feel like this. But you can take comfort from knowing that we all go through it: we all get jealous, resentful, feel sorry for ourselves. Two of my girlfriends had babies this summer, exactly as I was going through my (failed) IVF treatment, and it was so hard going to visit them when I was feeling so sore and rotten. It hurt a lot. But I was lucky because both of these pals were extra-sensitive towards me in return. It's a two-way street; it's as much up to our friends to be sensitive and considerate to us as it is for us to try to be happy for them.

Sending you lots of hugs,

Jaff
xx


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