# Really need help on this one :/



## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

I'm trying to lose weight so my consultant will put me on Clomid to help me ovulate. I hadn't been doing so well because I've had a lot of problems with work and has led me to resign from my job (not out of choice) I've joined a health & beauty company as an independent distributor just to make a bit of money but that isn't going too well. However, they do sell weight loss products and I have used one which I lost 13lbs on it which was like a fast track thing and now i'm on a longer term one. My problem is that my partner isn't helping me at all. I thought I had done really well losing 13lbs and I really thought that would be enough to get me onto Clomid but apparently not. I was devastated as I have to wait even longer now. I'm carrying on with this weight loss thing and I'm doing really well. I'm eating so much more healthier, drinking a lot more water which I never drank before and doing daily exercise. I still have a few treats but I make sure i'm in my calorie allowance but my partner doesn't see it that way. He said this morning that i'm eating crap packed with sugar that isn't going to help me and it's my own fault if I don't lose weight on my weekly weight in. I got really upset about that because I'm trying so hard but he keeps putting me down making me feel like I can't eat anything. I mean I used to eat like a whole bar of chocolate in one sitting for a dessert and now I have 4 squares at most. I've cut down so much but I can't live purely on healthy food! I'm not eating huge amounts of sugar so I don't see how it can be that harmful. He's a hypocrite also because he has epilepsy and is on tablets for it. He isn't supposed to have much caffeine but he has loads! He is always drinking coke and energy drinks and he never listens to me. He never drinks water but always complain of headaches, so he is probably dehydrated and I tell him this but he still doesn't listen. 

Why should he be allowed to boss me about when he won't listen to me? I like to do diet things by myself and in my own way I don't like being told what to do.

Any advice? Sorry it's so long.

Carls xx


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Carls the simple answer is he shouldn't be allowed to boss you about, but some people really benefit from this when trying to lose weight and maybe he thinks you are like that and this will help you somehow.

Obviously I don't know what you're eating daily that he says are empty calories then you can prove to him that he's wrong or take a good hard look at the nutritional information of what you are eating yourself and see if he's right at all.

I think you would really benefit from keeping a detailed food diary. I am going to recommend an app I use called My Fitness Pal (www.myfitnesspal.com). It has helped me open my eyes to the junk I was eating. 
I have lost 21lbs using just that to regulate my calorie intake to 1500 a day, and adding in exercise. No faddy diets or quick fixes; this has been a lifestyle change which means I will maintain the weight loss ongoing. And that's with PCOS too! You can also log exercise there too so for instance, I can put a 200 calorie workout in there which brings my daily allowance up 1700 (which is easy peasy and doesn't even feel like dieting at all now.  Quite often I'll burn about 400 calories in a workout and struggle to eat them all back so I end up with a deficit which means I can sometimes bank those calories over the course of the week and have a cooked brekkie up the cafe from time to time. 

I would also look at literature like The PCOS Diet and investigate which foods might be "bad" for you even though they're perfectly healthy.

And I would also take "bikini" (or underwear) pictures of yourself from front, side and back. You will hate them but, when take another set at 7 or 10lb intervals and look compare. You will see such a difference. It's really massively encouraging to see the rolls of fat just not there anymore. I still have lots of wobbly bits and a good 40lb to get down to my ideal weight - realistically I'd look emaciated if I did so I'll be happy with another 25lbs). But everything feels much firmer too - even the babyflap is slowly disappearing and I never, ever thought that would go!

I have to say, your example of cutting down to just 4 squares of chocolate is a fantastic start but you need to be aware that there's still a massive amount of sugar - 13g in 4 chunks of dairy milk for instance - in that. That's about 3 - 4 teaspoons of sugar and more than a quarter of your daily allowance. Sounds great if that's the only sugar you have a day but there is just so much hidden sugar in our foods. I eat very healthy (most of the time), I only have one cup of coffee with 8g sugar in it and everything else is sugar free/low calorie and I still go over my daily sugar allowance of 40g every single day. And that's without any chocolates and deserts and having switched to sugar free drinks. Milk, in particular, is full of hidden sugar and is my downfall because I'm a bit of a tea-aholic and, although I don't take sugar, it's there in the milk. 

I don't think anyone can live on 100% healthy food 100% of the time, but you can live on 90% healthy food 90% of the time, and you will still lose weight, feel like you're not denying yourself when you want the occasional treat and you will feel fitter and healthier for it. I have to say I haven't felt my whole life fitter or more energetic than I do now having changed my whole attitude to food and exercise. never thought I'd ever say I enjoy working out but I do. And I sleep better for it too!

The final thing is, if DF is really that concerned about you losing weight, ask him to also come on a health kick with you; give up all the junk - both of you - just stop buying it and start buying healthy filling and nutritional foods. Ask him if he'll do this for you to help support your weight loss. If he really cares and wants to help you, he ought to be prepared to lead by example. he can't very well nag you for eating a chocolate bar while swigging down a can of cola (er, 35g of sugar per can!  )

I've flagged you up access to the Weight management boards here on FF. Do pop along and see if you can get some encouragement from fellow dieters.  http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=60.0

Caz

/links


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Wow, such an informative response! Thank you so much!

Yes I have the My Fitness Pal app and it's incredible it helps me control my calories so well  Oh another thing, he moans at me for losing weight yet the another day he brings home a bar of Lindt milk chocolate for me! haha talk about irritating! I love Bourneville chocolate which i'm hoping   is healthier because it's dark chocolate and got antioxidants in it. I have 4 chunks of that if I buy it but that's only occasionally. 

I try to eat so healthy and doing the exercise allows me to have a treat or two doesn't it? It's not as if i'm eating a whole chocolate cake! It's just a couple of sweets or a few chunks of chocolate! I am trying to do Zumba on the wii for 20 minutes one day then 40 minutes the next. It burns 298 kcals in 20 mins! which is great and it's an exercise that I actually kind of enjoy... so not an exercise person! haha. The healthy eating is fine, i'm buying healthier crisps and i'm vegetarian so quorn is very low in fat and calories 

I will look into that PCOS diet book , thanks for that  

Unfortuently, DF is trying to put ON weight haha so that's another hard thing because he's constantly scoffing his face with junk even though I tell him he has to have healthy meals to put on weight because junk isn't good for anyone but he doesn't listen! However, he eats meat but he does enjoy some things made with Quorn that I make so that's good for him.

It''s hard to control my diet when he eats anything and everything! But i'm doing so well at it and it just feels like he's putting me down even though he is just trying to encourage me. I'm lucky to have found someone who is so desperate for a lovely family like me but it's so hard knowing that i'm letting him down because i'm the problem.   I've always struggled with my weight but I never thought I would have trouble conceiving. I know so many people that are so much bigger than me and still have wonderful children. It all feels so unfair. 

Thank you again for your response though, I really appreciate it  

Carls xx


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Carls305 said:


> Wow, such an informative response! Thank you so much!
> 
> Oh another thing, he moans at me for losing weight yet the another day he brings home a bar of Lindt milk chocolate for me! haha talk about irritating! I love Bourneville chocolate which i'm hoping  is healthier because it's dark chocolate and got antioxidants in it. I have 4 chunks of that if I buy it but that's only occasionally.


Well that's just sabotage!  Don't eat it! 
Yes I only ever have dark chocolate now because it is better for you and it's something I can occasionally nibble at; I have no willpower at all so if I buy a milk chocolate bar it's be gone inside an hour, no matter how big it is.  I just don't buy those things I know I will scoff. No crisps or biscuits at all here.
If you're going to have cake, I would recommend making some banana loaf (Cbeebies recipe - look it up on line). Use very ripe bananas and halve the sugar. It's healthier than these so called health bars, low cal and low sugar (and most of the sugar is natural fruit sugar not refined so healthier for you anyway). Generally I'd say bananas are great for dieters. 

Ah well if you're using MFP already, then you can show him what you're eating is fine.  It's clearly working if you've lost 13lb great result so far!). Just be very careful about undereating. Many people make the mistake of cutting back so far they send their body into a kind of starvation mode and then hoard all the calories and retain weight. I've seen people told time and time again on the MFP forums to "eat more".

As for DF... erm, even when trying to put on weight he needs to do it healthily, the silly numpty. He really needs a high carb diet not a high sugar/protien one. Protein is great for bulking up if you're exercising and want to build muscle, but carbs are better at putting on weight all round. And surgar is just not healthy at all! Either way, there's no excuse for junk. 

Caz


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

I am eating it slowly lol usually i'd just eat the whole bar cuz it's sooo yummy! but no I am being strict with it   

Banana loaf sounds nice and DF is banana mad so I might have to try that  We have some bananas so could be a treat for later  

Yes, with the weight loss plan i'm on it's got a thing called a BMR which calculates how many calories you should be eating to lose weight but still eat the right amount so that's handy  If you want the calculation, I can give it to you  

I do tell DF that eating a lot of sugar will not help him put on weight and will only ruin his teeth - he used to be a smoker so he hasn't got great teeth anyway and is paranoid about them but since quitting (when we started trying) his teeth have improved but by eating and drinking all that sugar he'll just make them worse. He doesn't seem to understand that. That's one point where me and DF clash - We are both incredibly stubborn   

I must give him credit though, since moving out with me and quitting smoking he has put on 2 stone  That's because I make him proper meals! When he used to live at home his mum would always offer to cook him dinner but he'd usually go out and eat a pizza or some chips! haha so he is doing well but he still thinks he's too skinny. He even wears a t-shirt under his work shirt when it's boiling because he thinks his shirt on it's own makes him look too skinny! bless him 

Carls xx


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## flowerfly33 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hi Carls.  YOu are not alone on this weight-loss thing.  Losing weight is SOOO hard to do, especially nowadays with temptation leaping our from every shelf in the supermarket.  It sounds to me like you've done really well to shift these pounds already.  I find it impossible to be 'good' every day - in fact, I think weightloss is more sustainable if you do allow yourself treats.  I am cutting down on alcohol to weekend only - one lager or a glass of red on a friday and Saturday.  I am finding it tough as I do like a glass of wine with dinner, (and a g and t!) but I know for me acohol piles on the pounds.  I think other people find it difficult to be supportive (especially partners!)  Mine is rubbish and carries on as normal which is hard.  Still, think of the goal in front of you - only you can lose the weight so just get more determined in the face of opposition.  Good luck!


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Thank you Flowerfly33,

I do allow myself treats because otherwise I think I would just have days where I would give up completely! It's so incredibly hard especially because my body is against me as I have PCOS and everything I try doesn't work very well. I have 3 months to drop my BMI from 34 to 30  My partner is trying to GAIN weight so that's incredibly unhelpful lol but bless him he does try and encourage me  

Good luck on your journey xx


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