# Bad day ...



## Mrsball (May 10, 2013)

Bad day with the inlaws today. 
Who all know about IF and our struggles bit clearly have no idea what it really feels like. 

Perhaps I'm being unreasonable or expecting too muh but I seriously nearly lost it when we were all out for dinner today. 

As anyone on here can relate to , pregnancy announcements are tough. 
But when there is an announcement followed up by comments about the DP wanting an abortion it really became too much. 

I wanted to scream "f-ing seriously?!"
You want to bring something like that up around me. 
Shock, turned to upset, turned to fury!

I had to excuse myself and spend some time in the toilets composing myself. 

I know everyone has their own problems and own choices but when they know our situation is it really too much to ask that they "know their audience" before making such inconsiderate comments?

X


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## MrsGorilla (Dec 12, 2013)




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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Just like to say a similar thing happened to me in late 2011. 
the subject was my brother and his girlfriend. 

Unfortuantly our relationship has never been the same again.  
Infertility definatly makes you realise who you want in your life and who you just dont need. 
xxxxxx


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## rubster (Jul 26, 2011)

That's so tough, I just wanted to send a big hug. Sometimes I really wonder, should we just suck it up and be able to have any type of conversation? I think what your in laws did was completely insensitive, such an
Ugly vulgar thing to bring up in front of you, I hope you're ok.

It seems many relationships, be they family or friends, take a hammering. But really you can't be blamed for taking offence at such an exhibition of insensitivity. Sounds like you handled it well, excusing yourself to
The loo. Pity it's us that have to 'do the right thing' as opposed to being insensitive/rude right back!

I hope your august treatment brings you your LO)

Rubster xxx


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Oh Mrsball, that's horrible.  

I have (probably) unrealistic expectations where relatives are concerned because I think that your DH should have stepped in and told his parents that the topic was a bit off.  That approach hasn't really worked for me in the past but I still think that's what's right and it's what I would do myself if it were my parents being insensitive.

What people think is an appropriate topic of conversation over dinner never ceases to surprise me.  In what reality is an abortion appropriate    I don't think that you're being over sensitive or inappropriately upset lovely.  It's not nice in anyone's book.

It is difficult where inlaws are concerned.  I had a big fall out with my MIL because of her crashingly insensitive (and targetted) horribleness about our miscarriage and IF.  Like Kayla, our relationship has never been the same and is incredibly difficult now.  It's a fine line about whether it's worth it to say something.  I'm very glad that I did because my MIL was deliberately doing it and not just being insensitive but it really should be up to our partners to have a quiet word before things ever get that far.

Thinking of you, as if it isn't hard enough


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## tinkerbell24 (Apr 18, 2013)

Mrsball I'm thinking of you. How disgusting to say that in front of you. When I'm confronted my a horrible conversation when I'm out I also excuse myself and sit in the toilets sometimes have a good cry before returning, though sometimes I feel like going out to the table and chucking my drink over the person who's caused me to leave the table   so far I've had 3 friends announcing pregnancys. (I'm not on ********) but my mum told me about them announcing on ******** and keep posting updates every 5 minutes, I try to tell my mum I don't want to know but she still continues to update me  . I saw one friend in the doctors the other day with a bump and I completely looked the other way to avoid conversation. My mil can be quite insensitive too especially after her younger son had a baby, she wanted the family to go out for a meal for her birthday and she chose a table right next to 2 crying babies, 1 newborn been fed and sat me near enough next to her granddaughter. I was absolutely fuming but I didn't want my partner to feel uncomfortable so again I excused myself that many times I was asked if I had a water infection   they had no idea at all just continued there chit chat. My partners brothers gf talks about the Abby constantly and I just feel I'm not involved in the conversation let alone the family. some people are so insensitive I wish just for one day they could walk in our shoes, good luck with your next ivf xx


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

How are you feeling today Mrsball?  It takes a little while to get over such a thing doesn't it, I find myself thinking about it for far too long anyway  

Tinkerbell, that's really awful.  It's like water torture to have to sit in such a place.  To be asked if you have a water infection too, good grief, that's so personal that it made me chuckle  

I'm waiting for my MIL to turn up today and I am shaking    There goes our adult identities and we're back to DH only being called Daddy and them only Grandma and Grandad (even after the kids go to bed), there's no better way to make you feel like you don't exist if you don't have a child    

I haven't seen MIL since she berated me in an 'accidental text' the day after we found out our baby had definitely died.  She's made it so clear that she doesn't like or approve of me (baby related as she doesn't think I should have wanted one with step children) and she told DH that he should leave me after our final failed cycle because I couldn't cope.  Sorry to hijack the thread lovely ladies, I'm just feeling so anxious and worried, I was just starting to feel human again


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## Mrsball (May 10, 2013)

Thanks everyone for your replies. 
It makes a huge difference knowing there are people on here that can truly understand and support me in these times if need! 

Tinkerbell ... I had to tell my mum a couple if times to stop saying or posting things to me about babies. Thankfully after a talk and a cry she gets if now. 

Molly - I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering too. That's a really cruel thing to do. Thankfully (despite their slip ups ) I do get on with in laws. 
But as if IF isn't hard enough without her being so cruel and unsupportive towards you. Just think , when you finally get your miracle baby she will have to live with the guilt of the nasty thoughts she has had every time she looks at her new grandchild. 

XxxX


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## niccad (Apr 28, 2009)

I honestly think that people just have no idea they are being insensitive (Molly - your MIL aside). They can't put themselves in our shoes - they don't see the bump or the baby in a restaurant, they talk about pregnancies and babies and... well everything because they have no clue. I confided to a friend on train about my work difficulties and how it's related to my recent m/c and she happily chose that moment to tell me she was pregnant (but shush... don't tell anyone... you're the first to know). There was no where to escape to... She was as pregnant as I should've been and yet she was completely clueless that perhaps it wasn't appropriate to tell me right there and then. 
Are they selfish? Inconsiderate? Insensitive? I think they just haven't walked in our shoes and don't see the world in the same way. We on the other hand have to become the best actresses in the world... smiling through everything and crumbling in secret


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## deedee_spark (Aug 6, 2014)

Yes, so very insensitive Mrsball. You dealt with it far better than I would have. 

Gailgegirl - Loving you your blog idea. I think I might start one to to ease some of the stress.


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