# Why can I not accept that I wont have anymore children?



## juliakate (Nov 20, 2007)

Hi,

Being a bit slow on the computer front I haven't worked out how to to put my profile on so I'll just run through very quickly!
DH - 35
Me - 40
Miscarrage - 2000
DS born naturally - 28/1/01
Ectopic - 2003 Tube removed
Ectopic - 2004  Tube removed
4 IVF - BFN
2 FET - BFN
DS born 13/2/07 IVF
FET - BFN 26/2/08

As you can see last year I had my beautiful DS who is now just over one and we decided to use the last of the frosties in the hope of another miracle.  I really thought I would be able to draw a line after this as I have two wonderful sons but was very hopeful as it had worked last time. I was so convinced it was going to work which is stupid considering my track record. The thing is I feel absolutely devestated.  I can't stop crying.  I feel so ashamed as I am so blessed but I just can't seem to accept that this is the end of the road.  My DH has been wonderful and very supportive.  His fear if we went ahead with the other two would be that I would want to do another if it didn't work and I said that I would be able to move on.  Why is it so hard? Is there anyone there trying for a third child? Is there something wrong with me??

Julia X


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## angel83 (Mar 14, 2005)

Hey there Juliakate

I can totally understand you hun.

Im desperate for baby No 2 and at this point i would do anything. But like you i dont know where this journey will end. I know i would want to TTC again even if i had a No2.

My recommendations for myself is Counselling. Have you ever thought about this?


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

There's nothing wrong with you hun - i'm, like angel, desperate for number 2, but found out yesterday that because of my fsh it is unlikely to happen.

i am devastated, and like you feel guilty as i have been blessed with my beautiful daughter.

I haven't got my head round it yet - don't beat yourself up about it, allow yourself to grieve and get it out of your system - and try to enjoy your time with your wonderful miracles.  it will get easier with time, although no-one can say how long!

big hugs

Sallywags


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## fabizzy (Jul 27, 2007)

I can really understand what you are feeling hun.  I am trying for no 3 although I am trying naturally.  we have been trying now for about 18months and nothing has happened Although since my dd was born 5 years ago we have not really used contraception so have always hoped that it would just happen but hasn't.  My dh had two older children as well so if this does not happen naturally there is not the option of tx.  He won't even go and get his sperm checked  I desperately want another baby I know that I am truly blessed to have the ones that I have but since I was young knew that  I wanted more than two.  Every month I get my hopes up only to have them crushed again.  I think maybe my body has stopped working as I am too old.  Maybe it is because I have had 2 c/sections and I have scarring.  Whatever the problem it just isn't happening.  There is nothing wrong with you babe  

I am here if you need to talk

Rachelxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## juliakate (Nov 20, 2007)

Thank you all so much for sharing you experiences. I have thought of counselling but have always somehow found my way through. You have all made me feel better about wanting another child.  AT 40 maybe I am not being realistic even if I could persuade my husband to give it one last go. It is so nice to talk to others though that understand and I hope all our dreams come true.

Thank you so much again. You have really made a difference.
Julia X


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## bubblicous (Jan 14, 2008)

were despreratly trying for no 3 though it will be no for dh        

its the worst feeling in the world not being able to do it myself espec when i think i had 2 gorg girls naturally with someone else who now refuses to see them and who i didnt even love at the time and now im madly in love with dh  and all i want is to have dh baby but its not happening 

no matter how many times people say be greatful for what you have a little peice is still missing

there is nothing i can say to make you feel better hunni apart from your not alone


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## Mrs Chaos (Feb 12, 2004)

Hi
Julia come over to the daily messages thread sweetheart, so many of us are or have (sadly) had to deal with the very same feelings.
I'm similar to Bubblicious in so far as I have the most amazing son from my previous relationship (he turns 16 yrs in March) and I have been desperate for a child with my dh, who has a dd from his previous marriage, who was 19 yrs end of last year.

We started ttc our child in 1996 and I cannot believe I am almost 12 yrs down the line without at least one child with my dh 
It's been the toughest, most challenging thing I have had to deal with in my life, as a woman, as a mother, a wife, and I have had times of total and utter despair. The feelings of frustration, heartache, sadness, anger, inadequacy (as family and friends went on to have their 2nd...3rd...) and it is crippling emotionally.

I know I am blessed to have my wonderful son but as Bubblicious says I am incomplete, a part of me is missing, and as much as I have (had to) come to terms with being a mum to one child, I know in my heart I will never get over it...I just have to accept it...which is going to be an ongoing process and I have no answers as to how it's done...
I have good days, more good days now, but I do still have bad days...terribly sad, depressed days when my heart aches so much, my arms feel empty...and all I can do is cry and withdraw from everything for a little while until I feel able to face the next day...

Everyone on FF is here for the same reason, in so far as, we cannot have the family we desire...whether that be 1, 2, 3, 4 etc...it is our right to desire our children, and we should never feel guilty about that! 
I always imagined I'd have 4 or 5 children, and my home would be full of organised chaos and chitter chatter with all my lovely children around me...but it was not meant to be, like so many of us here.

All I can say is don't be too hard on yourself, when you have grey days allow yourself that time as I feel our IF is a form of grief, and we HAVE to allow ourselves that grieving period...in order for us to gain strength from the pain...and move on...

Sending you huge  
Take care hunni
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Oh Gayn, I really shouldn't read posts like this when i am sitting at my desk!  You sum it all up so much - that is the fantastic thing about this site - there is so much love and understanding.


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## juliakate (Nov 20, 2007)

Dear Gayn,

Thank you so much for your heartfelt reply.  It really does sum it up. The problem with me is I seem to be in complete denial and very cross with my body!  Like you I am convinced I should have more children!  It's crazy!! 

I will definitely have a peek on the thread suggested.

Thanks again Gayn,
Julia X


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