# Not coping well - please help!



## J-Mo (Feb 23, 2007)

Hi all

Im on the third cycle of Clomid. 
Good news is I ovulated today. Got a positive on the OPK this morning and im sitting here writing this with pain on my right side. I know I had a follicle on the right side because the day 11 scan showed a nice juicy follicle ready to burst. So this means DH and I should be jumping to it! 

The bad news is that Dh and I are not talking. Because he is fed up with me being so depressed. So it looks as though this juicy egg (if there is one) will go unfertilised.

I just feel that he has everything going for him and I have nothing.
His career is really taking off and he admits that the only thing that is getting him down at the moment is how things are with me. He has his kids (my stepkids) and so he doesnt NEED a baby like I do. They are coming tomorrow and I really cant face them.
I feel like he is leaving me behind and he feels that way too. Ive tried to explain to him that its my hormones and the tablets and he doesnt seem to want to understand.

The ironic thing is, I feel so down now that I dont want to have sex either! 

Because of the Clomid, I cant seem to smile anymore let alone laugh and have fun. I have nothing in my life apart from ttc and looking after my elderly mum. Ive just had enough I guess.
So here I am having to face another wasted month just because he wont come near me. I really cant face this treatment anymore and Im on a downward spiral.
Ive been crying my heart out and cant see any way out.

I wont give up, I know that. I just find it so hard. Its Catch 22.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me? PLEASE
Sorry for whinging and thanks for listening

J-Mo x


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## julie0203 (Oct 23, 2006)

Hi j-mo

sorry your feeling so down at the minute   i to know how you feel i feel like that at times is normal i know it seems like its all getting on top of you and that there is no point but the clomid really makes you emotional ( i know it did me)   
Im sorry i dont have much to say on your DH front i would just suggest speaking to him and explaining how you are feeling ..  i know how much you must want a child i to feel the same way but have you thought about perhaps having a break for a while even just one cycle forget about ttc and have fun and some spontaneity (spelling!!) with your DH and enjoy it , it may do wonders. 
I'm sorry I'm not much help i just wanted to let you know your not alone 
Sending you lots of babydust Hun 
Julie xx


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

Hi

I'm sorry you're feeling so low...its hard when we're ttc because we are more aware of everything and feel the need to "time" everything so spontaniety goes out the window !!   Clomid side effects just exacerbate all those emotions and unfortunately men do deal with things in a very different way.

Also, OPKs only detect the LH surge & ideally you should test from around 12/2pm onwards as the LH doesn't usually get detected until later in day...so best to test in afternoon when you've not had a drink for a couple of hours...your test line should be the same or darker in colour than the control line....because OPKs only detect LH surge you would usually ovulate around 36 hours later...if you're getting ovulation pains now then its likely you're about to ovulate tomorrow or Monday and hopefully the ovulation pains will ease up a bit after that...

I always find it easier not to not tell DP when I'm due to ovulate and just have as much sex as possible so there's a bit more spontaniety rather than timing it all....you'll know when you're about to ovulate but your DH won't feel so much like he's having to perform on demand.

Perhaps you could set aside an evening when you do something romantic...nice romantic meal followed by bubble bath with candles, massage etc....some time when you put the "babymaking" out of your minds and enjoy being the 2 of you....

Good luck  
Take care
Natasha xx


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## Lilyflower (Nov 16, 2005)

Hi J-mo

Sorry you're feeling low hun  
You're not alone pet, we all get very low at times, i know i do. I've been ttc for over 4 yrs now, on my 4th cycle of clomid. Each month it gets harder and harder, each time AF arrives, it's a kick in the stomach and i cry and cry. I've just started using opk's this month and 2 be honest with you, i think they can add to the pressure and make life a little harder than it already can be. They mess with your head i feel anyway. TTC is soooo hard to start with and it does take over your life, if you let it.  I've been feeling lately that it's all becoming a bit of a chore, and i don't want that, so i think I'm gonna leave the opk's out of it and just enjoy our relationship.

Maybe you should 2 hun, get away for a few days, me and DH have booked a week off wrk in April just 2 go away, not abroad of anywhere spectacular like, just 2 unwind and leave it all behind for a while.

Also, i know how you feel about feeling your DH has everyting, i tried 2 convince my DH out of marrying a broken woman!! Luckily 4 me, he loves me 2 much, and said if we never manage 2 have kids then me and him will be just fine. I still sometimes feel like he'd be better off with someone else who can give him a baby, but that's my insecurity and he does everyting he can 2 make me feel differently.

You do hit bad times, but you will get through them if you are strong as a couple, don't let it drive a wedge between you hun, i know it's hard, but look at what you have already got infront of you in a positive way.  Sending lots of cuddles your way

Take care Lily xxx


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

Hi Jo-Mo,

Sorry to hear you're so down, ttc is such a difficult thing. When we were trying for a baby my SIL accidently fell pregnant and best mate fell after trying for over a year. I felt so jealous of them and it was awful. I'd tell DH that I didn't want to see them (especially when babies were born) or that I was sick of hearing yet another couple that were expecting (especially those already with kids!). He called me a b*tch and said I had a problem! That made me feel even worse but I said if that's what I am then so be it, I can't help the way I feel. 

It's only when you talk to other women in the same position that it makes you realise you aren't some kind of monster but the desperation for a baby just takes over. TTC for those of us with fertility problems is always going to be a huge thing, unfortunately I don't think you can't get away from that BUT you can try to make things nicer. 

Like when you want to do the deed with your hubby, make the effort perhaps sexy undies, candles, nice meal, or dressing up if it's your thing ;o) I know it's the last thing you want to do when you feel low but you need to push yourself! You can have a laugh together (especially if dressing up!!) and get the deed over and done with - making you feel better that you've had sex whilst ovulating! 

I can understand it's difficult for men as they don't have the 'natural desire' to have a child like a woman and just makes it more difficult that he already has kids but explain to him they aren't children with YOU - they aren't YOUR children and that's a big thing. Any man should understand that. I'd suggest a break from it but to be honest I wouldn't have done it cos just wanted it to happen so much and didn't want to delay things. So try your best to shake off the feelings you've got and think of the positive's in your life. Then go for it, if you miss out on sex it will only make you feel worse and that it could have been your month. 

I remember when we were doing the deed, it got really tough having to do it just for the sake of having a baby but unfortunately that's the way it was!! We varied things by doing in different rooms, different positions, etc! DH always used to laugh when I put my legs in the air and we had a giggle with it most days!! 

Best of luck babe and it WILL happen for you!!     

Chin up darling,

Ros 
x

P.S given you lots of bubbles to spur you on!!


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## Maybemummy (Mar 12, 2007)

Hi J - Mo 

I hope you sorted things out with DH and made the most of things.  I was really down on clomid too and we had exactly the sort of row at ovulation time and I hated him for wasting the opportunity.  In the end we can't perform to a timetable it's about love.  Must agree with others it's sometimes best to forget the timings and not involve your DH in that side of things ....just give him a nice surprise every now and then.

Take care


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## Mde Clomid (Mar 5, 2007)

Hi J-Mo

How are you feeling tonight?? Read your posting this morning and   some  

I too have two stepchildren and though I am also lucky to have a boy of 4, we do not have a child together   DF's children still live in the UK and we all miss them too much! 

However, the pain of not having a child together - simply it brakes my heart. Though DF loves my son equally as much and they are great together, I too want to share parenthood with my soulmate - there is a special bond between a parent and child and that can never be broken. When i see the love he has for his own two i feel very sad and lonely - though I would never admit that to him...

I just want us to be parents together, and a little baby for my boy.

Enough moaning about me though.. Don't get hooked on the OPK;s! I tested all last week, mentioned nothing to DF and then on the positive day I did   . After  great   ! For a second he doubted my intentions (as most men would) and then asked why I hadn't told him   . So I decided I will keep it to myself from now on and let DF just enjoy the times when I get a bit extra frisky 

It is tough TTC and it does get you down and feeling all sorts of things you would not normally - and that is even without the drugs! Just try to not think or dwell too much   . More often that not men are different   and we tend to have to give in at times... bring back the goddess in you and blow him away! You will both feel better for it I promise!!

     

Wishing you the best of luck sweetness!! 

Katarina xxx


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Hi J-Mo can't add much more that hasn't already been said ..but wanted to give you a big   it is hard this ttc malarkey .. and it drives you   but there have been some wonderful successes on this site ..so there is hope for all of us ..sending you lots of            for a   very soon x
Cat x


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## babybiggles (May 1, 2006)

hunni i am so sorry you feel so down ((((((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))))))))) hunni you are so worth everything you really i hope you can sort things out with other half , sory i havent got anything constructive to say but here is loads of lovely cuddles to you 


love lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## J-Mo (Feb 23, 2007)

Hi all

I just wanted to thank all of you for taking the time to reply and for all your valuable advice. You are all so kind.

Things are a lot better now between us and we have made up. Although I do think it will take me a time to properly forgive him. I know there are 2 sides to every story and I am by no means perfect but I think he was particularly out of order this time to accuse me of being so miserable given the circumstances. You see, what I didn’t say before was that Saturday was the first anniversary of my dads death. I didn’t mention it because I didn’t think it was relevant. But now that its over I think it did have a lot to do with how I was feeling last week. All week I was thinking about his last days in the hospice and I think it just brought me down. Plus I was off sick with a nasty chest infection anyway. On top of the whole ttc thing and Clomid I just think that I hit rock bottom. I do think he should have been more sensitive to be honest as I really hadn’t done anything wrong.

On the Saturday, I just spent the day with my mum and we went to the grave. It was a sad day and a relief to get it over with. When I got back I decided to make the effort and I suggested that we all go bowling ‘as a family’. That really helped to heal things and we ended up Bding that night!!!  So although it was the once at least I don’t feel it was such a complete waste now.

Having said all that I really don’t think I will be successful this month and Im really not feeling positive. We only had sex twice this month (once 3 days before the positive OPK and again the day after it). Yes I know it only takes once to get pregnant but what with all the stress and illness I had, its going to be a miracle for the fuse to be lit, especially at my age. I can honestly say therefore that I dont feel like I am on the 2ww in the sense of hoping. Im even happy for AF to takes its time in coming as Im not even anxious to get started all over again. I just feel that Im having a 2 week rest thats all and boy do I need it!!!

I will try to spice things up going forward (but couldn’t last week as I was feeling so poorly) and I wont tell him about the dates etc. I think that will be the key.

Regarding the step children issue, oh I could write forever on the subject! Its sometimes a challenge but they are good kids and we do get on well. Its just that I want to experience what he does and understand how he feels. I want that for the two of us together. He wants that too but because he already has children I don’t think he will be devastated if it didn’t happen. Sometimes I think he just wants it for me. He doesn’t come to any of the appointments with me and so I feel very alone sometimes.

Thanks again ladies for all your love and support. It really is appreciated.

J-Mo xxxxx


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## Rosie P (Nov 10, 2005)

Hi J-Mo. I've been reading your post but haven't posted up until now as the other ladies have given you some great advice and support.

I notice you said that your DH doesn't go to your appointments with you. I honestly think this can make a real difference, as I think only then do they really get a proper understanding of what you have to go to and that docs etc. are taking you seriously, so it kind of puts it into perspective for them and kind of makes it more real if that makes sense?? Do you think there is any way you could get him to go with you to the next one? I told DH they only see couples, so he didn't have the choice - you know men alway trying to worm out of things!   

Rosie. xxx


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## Lilyflower (Nov 16, 2005)

Hi J-mo 

Glad things r picking up 4 u hun    God, u have had a lot 2 deal with at the mo, no wonder u hit rock bottom. I think clomid just makes us more sensitive 2 start with and things that wouldn't usually have such a negative effect on us, does. But, you'll get through it hun, i agree with rosie that your DH really should come 2 apts with u. If you're feeling alone in tx then it'll be all the more harder 2 deal with.  My DH comes with me 2 every apt, maybe you should sit DH down and tell him you're in this 2gether and that means going 2 apts 2gether 2!!  

I'm usually a really head strong person and not a lot upsets me, i tend 2 take things in my stride, but ttc has me beat at times and i go into meltdown, i cry, i scream, i cry some more!!    So, we are all in the same boat hun, u're not alone, and FF is a great lifeline for us ladies.  

Take care 
LOL Lily xxx


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

J-Mo ..sounds like you need another big   hun ..dealing with the loss of a loved one is never easy ..and it is no wonder you were feeling low .. what with being ill as well ..there is only so much our bodies and minds can cope with hun ..and I think you reached overload! 

Hoping that the days to come are brighter ones for you     and who knows maybe you will get that magical   It sounds like the times you did have   would have been the right sort of time, I don't think it makes too much difference if you are stressed .. a lot of ladies on here conceive when they have been stressed out so don't give up hope until the fat   sings!! xxxx
Cat x


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## Lilyflower (Nov 16, 2005)

hi J-mo

How r u feeling 2day hun? Hope u r a bit brighter    
just a quickie 2 see how u r, catch u soon xx

Lily xxx


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## J-Mo (Feb 23, 2007)

Hi girls
I started off ok today but seem to be feeling a bit low again now. Ive asked Dh to come to some of the appointments and he said he will try. He's just so busy at the moment at work and its really difficult to get him to take any time off at all. He needs to go to the doctor about something himself but he's 'too busy'! 
As a matter of fact I think this is why I feel down. Come to think of it he has not once instigated a conversation about what it would be like to have our own baby. Its only ever been me that talks about it and he answers. He says he wants one and obviously goes along with the BD and takes the vitamins. He does ask me how my appointments go. But he never 'dreams' with me. All he does is tell me how hard it is sometimes and how financially difficult it is. (Because hes the expert having had two before).
And this realisation has made me feel even more alone! 
I just wish that just once he would let himself go and talk to me about having our baby. 

Sorry to be such a whinge bag!!! 
How are all of you coping with things

J-Mo x


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## Lilyflower (Nov 16, 2005)

Hi J-mo  

I know how u feel, as much as my DH is really supportive, he never really talks about the dream of having our babies   I know he does want them, but i think he'd be happy if it remained me and him 4 the rest of our days   We get on really well as a couple and i think he thinks a baby would spoil what we have    He does get quite exited if we get good news from the con about my hormone levels and stuff like that, but, really it is i that craves a baby more, he'd settle 4 a dog!!

The old saying "women are from venus, men are from mars" really comes into play when ttc. It's just men r soooo different, they don't see it like us girlies do. So hun, i wouldn't read 2 much into it or u'll drive yerself mad    truth be known, when u do get a bfp, he'll be over the moon.   

Keep yer spirit up hun, sending lots of    

LOL Lily xxx


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## J-Mo (Feb 23, 2007)

Thanks Lily
Its a relief to know Im not the only one experiencing this. As much as I wish it was easier for you. (Hope you know what I mean!)
Yes I do feel we are on different planets sometimes. Though sometimes mine doesnt even feel like hes from Mars (we can almost understand Martians!). Mines from a galaxy far far away......! 
Anyway, I feel quite upbeat today. I feel as though Im finally getting over the chest infection and Im enjoying the weather. Looking forward to spring and summer! 

Take care xxxx


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