# Coping



## ks123 (Nov 27, 2005)

Hello all

Yesterday I had to face one of my biggest challenges since our failed IVF and knowing that it was the end of our journey. I had to go to a Children's Centre to conduct an evaluation with some colleagues. Standing in the foyer faced with leaflets offering 'Baby massage classes', 'Antenatal classes', 'Aquanatal classes', etc, and seeing children playing in the nursery was really hard. I had to focus on staying detached and looking at other things within the centre until the manager arrived and took us off to a meeting room out of the way of children and all things to do with them. I coped and feel stronger because of it. Maybe it helps that I'm not PMT.    On Monday I have to visit another Children's Centre for another evaluation and I'll be closer to being PMT, so I'll see if I can cope as well as I did yesterday.

Love
Katherine


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Hi Katherine,

Wow, this is a toughie.

I know that for me, as with many of the other girls on this board, our only way of "coping" is to totally detatch from these situations - preferably avoiding them altogether if we feel they make us too uncomfortable.  You must be a tough cookie to be able to cope with this one huni.

I'm sure you would have felt stronger - that is fantastic to be able to get through that after what you've been through.  As you say though, I'm sure there will be days when you feel you just can't cope as well.  Can I ask, do your colleagues know about your situation?  Maybe they (or even one that you're closer to) would allow you some flexibility on the days when you feel you can't cope.  Maybe they could (discreetly) utilise your skills in other areas so that you're not having to face something you feel you can't deal with?  Maybe if you talked to your employer they would be understanding?

My heart goes out to you ...... it's all so difficult and little did we know when we started all of this, just how much it would affect our everyday lives, in so many different ways.

Good luck, and well done for staying strong, you've got guts my girl!
Love Gill xo


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Katherine
All i can say is, well done for getting through something that must have raised alot of anxious feelings, before, during and after the event. To be honest it could have gone 'tits up', i admire your inner strength to have faced a very difficult situation..I take my hat off to you for getting through it and so close after your last failed treatment.
Katherine is this part of your job? and will you be doing alot of evaluations in children centres in the future?  Sometimes Katherine, i wonder where we do find the strength sometimes, to deal with these painful events
As you say i hope that Pmt, doesn't affect you next week. This is where we do lose our logic at times, because of those dreaded hormones. Gill had a point do your colleagues know about your situation? if the going got really tough, could you leave the room and just go for a quick bit of fresh air? 
How do you actually feel about going back on Monday?
Could someone cover for you, if you really couldn't hack it?
Love Astrid xxxx


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## ks123 (Nov 27, 2005)

Hi Astrid and Gill

Thanks for your thoughts and words of encouragement. Sadly I will have to do more evaluations in the future as I'll be taking over the Children's Centre projects. Some of my colleagues do know about my situation and I'll have to tell the new person I'm working with so that she'll understand if I suddenly excuse myself on Monday. When I joined my current organisation I didn't know that I'd be going through what I'm going through, so it didn't occur to me to not join. The organisation is all about children and childcare information. Luckily I'm mostly on the consulting side working with adults and not having to be 'exposed' to children too much. I quit my last project because it was child protection training development and I couldn't face hearing so much about child abuse when I was trying to have a child.

Well, I'll let you know how Monday goes.

Love
Katherine
P.S. I'd also love to meet you in the summer.


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## *Mel* (Mar 20, 2005)

Katherine,well done for being so strong. Its so difficult isn't it and i feel like I've only just started our journey of ttc but i also find it hard. I've got a child protection course to go on in June for my job as a nursery nurse working with the 1-2years so children are around me all the time which is hard + the fact that there is always someone pregnant either staff or parent as its a big nursery with 125 children daily and 55 members of staff. I often feel like if i don't go on to have childrem then i will have a change of career as its just to difficult especially when i see how people treat there children-like they don't even want them. Anyway sorry to go on so much.Good luck,Mel***


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## ks123 (Nov 27, 2005)

Hi Mel

I feel for you so much. It must be really, really hard seeing young children and pregnant women ALL the time at work. Plus as you say, to see people treating their children as if they don't even want them, that is the deepest cut of all. Maybe a career change is a good idea, just so you don't have to face the situation all the time.

BTW did you read the 'Maybe Baby' book? I found it much better than the movie. What did you think?

Love
Katherine


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Katherine
Goodluck for today, thinking of you!!!

How are you Mel?

lots of love astridxxx


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## ks123 (Nov 27, 2005)

Thanks for the thoughts for yesterday. It all went well as once again we were taken into a separate part of the building for the meeting. At one stage during the meeting the manager was talking about pregnant women, pregnancy, and how 'you never know when a pregnancy might happen', and I had to concentrate really hard and my new sports car. I know it's sounds completely shallow, but right then it was my coping mechanism and it got me through that moment. 

Love
Katherine


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## *Mel* (Mar 20, 2005)

Well done Katherine. What colours your car?!  Yes i think a career change might be in order but i have no idea what to do and not sure if i can do anything else! I have always looked after children but just want to look after my own (feel sad) 

Astrid-I'm fine sweetie and you? 

Take care, Mel***


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## pink panther (May 4, 2005)

Hi Katherine,
it sounds like your work colleagues are pretty supportive, it must be hell-on-earth for you sometimes, having pregnancy around you so much. Are there any other 'arms' to your job that you could be transferred to?

I know how you must feel, out of 100 members of staff where I work there are currently 35 who are either pregnant or on maternity leave. However, my bosses have been really supportive and I'm being seconded to a different unit in June for a few months. I know that the situation won't go away, but sometimes you need a break from it all-do you think anything like that would be feasible for you?

My last (yay!) essay is in next week and then I'll be free to dove-tail with you all about the meet in the summer-any ideas where would be a good venue/place in the country that might be most convenient?

Sarah xxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Katherine and Mel

Well done Katherine for getting through yesterday!! its not shallow at all, thinking about your car. Its about sanity and keeping a clear mind. Its also about shutting off and protecting ourselves..
Sometimes when i listen to family talk etc. I think about food, drink and generally anything thats does not have anything to do with children...
Mel its hard i am sure looking after children...I work as a nurse and the hospital made me do a stint in maternity. Well i freaked after about one hour and refused to go back there (about three years ago). Anyway i had to go through all the red tape and to be honest at the time i was didn't care because i had made my mind up. Even if it meant failing my exams, my tutor was baffled. But hey i stood my ground..
Strange really how we have all got jobs that relate to the caring profession. Although my contact with children is not as close as yours Mel and Katherine..I know what you mean about caring for others and wanting to care for your own. Its like a double slap in the face really..
Its lovely chatting to you both...
Oh by the way Mel i live in Essex....
love astridxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Sarah
I have just missed you, we posted at the same time!!!
Hows things??
Yep the nursing profession is full of pregnant women..its so hard sometimes, especially when we are surrounded by colleagues as well...
Do you finish your training next month?
I will start a post for a meet up....it would be great!!!
love astridxx


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## pink panther (May 4, 2005)

Hi Astrid,
I qualified about four years ago and work in Intensive Care, and you?
The course I'm doing is a critical care degree, I'm only about three-quarters of the way through, but this semester finishes next week and then the fun starts again in September!
xxx


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Ah Sarah
Sorry i hadn't realised that you qualified 4 yrs ago, i thought you were doing your training. Well i have heard the critical care course is so hard. Good luck i admire you for going for it.. I bet it takes up alot of your time. I loved ITU, when i had a placement there...
I work on a ward, that is mainly centred around Renal patients ( and of course other medical problems). I have just finished my Mentorship course today. Now i have to buckle down to the assignments etc..
I completed my conversion course about 2 yrs ago..only been back in nursing 4 yrs..I did a runner when i was 23yrs and changed professions..I have no regrets because i had a good time, in what i was doing..
Nice chatting to you..
love astridx


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