# general support?



## little_missAmy (Feb 22, 2012)

Where do I post for general support??  

My sisters third baby is due this weekend. Tough. My lap and dye is booked for next month. Tough. None of my family are aware we are even trying for a baby, let alone having problems. these next few weeks are really hard.
Oh and my best friend is pregnant, unplanned, and her pig of a boyfriend keeps saying he doesnt wamt it. She's due a girl in October.
Grr. Getting all a bit too much!
Words of advice?

I feel I should tell my parents about my op since its under general. Nit sure what story to tell them tho as i dont want to tell them the truth. i know I can tell them its investigative for endo as this has come up in the past but I know they will be asking why I'm not doing it on the work private health (infertility isn't covered)

Advice?

Typed on mobile


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## Vickytick (Feb 25, 2011)

Little_missamy. Is there a reason why you don't want to tell your parents? I was v closed about my infertility but after 3 years and so many probs decided to be open about it. Im not ashamed of needing help and wanted all those people who could hve kids easily to know some of us have it tough and appreciate what you've got. My dh has a son and an ex who has no empathy so we had to tell her just as sometimes it's hard for me to have ss around. It's v hard but if you can at least confide in your immediate family as you will need their support and it may help them understand why the pg in family are hard. Just a thought Hun. Xx


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## little_missAmy (Feb 22, 2012)

Thanks for the advice. We have thought hard about it. My close friends know, including the pregnant best friend, and theyve all bren great. however we are all in agreement that my family wouldnt understand or be supportive. They dont agree with children out of wedlock and havent been supportive of my hardships in the past either.
It's hard not telling them but i know my other half andfriends are right, my family wouldnt react in the way I would hope.
Thanks anyeay. I appreciate all advice.
X


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## duckybun (Feb 14, 2012)

Hey missamy,
Just wanted to say hi. It sounds like we're pretty much at the same stage of this ole ride. I'm 32 and have been having investigations, and currently waiting on lap and dye. Dh and I have also decided not to tell our family about our IF, although I think once we start I've I will have to tell my mum, but still obviously hoping we won't have to get to that stage! 
Initially once we had started down the route of investigations I found it really hard to cope as no one knew and it is very isolating, especially when friends and family are happily trotting along having a family without any issues. Howeve once I had found this site I found it and still do find it an endless source of reassurance, support and knowledge. It sounds like although you had told close friends you still feel isolated and truly I think that unless you have people around you who have been through IF they can be there's for you but not nessecarily understand how you are feeling. Please feel free to PM me if you want a rant, or if you need to rant to the whole site, go for it, there are many women on here who can truly support you with their own experiences. friends can give you vague placating cliches, but I know all too well that they can sound empty and do nothing but anger you, but if some one on here can say "yes I went through that and this is what our next step was and now we are 'here' (be that pregnant or perusing another route of investigations or treatment) it is much more reassuring and helpful.
You are in the right place Hun!
As for not getting your lap done privately, I was initially (and still am actually) on the nhs waiting list for mine. But we went private last month to get my cycle tracked to make sure I was ovulating and my private consultant has said that I CAN have my lap don't through our insurance due to my history of heavy and painful periods as it can be justified as an investigation into endo which is a painful condition that needs treatment regardless of whether or not you are having fertility issues.... Just don't mention to your insurance company that you are trying to conceive.
Big hugs to you and let me know how you are getting on,
X
D


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## Vickytick (Feb 25, 2011)

Have to agree with duckybun on everything you've said well put.

I completely understand little_missamy we never know what the history of each other from the small written space on here everyone's journey is diff. I must say tht yes I've told my family but sometimes wish I hadn't as people hove not been on this journey don't really understand. I'm lucky (if you can call it that) my mum tried for 7 years to have children and I'm a twin through fertility treatment but she never did IVF (not around when she was ttc as it was over 45yrs ago) I think it was OI. she has a certain level of understanding but no one can know the pin of IVF unless they've done it. As duckybun says its great to hve friends but sometimes you need people who have been through it for true empathy.

Xx


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## little_missAmy (Feb 22, 2012)

Thanks Girls for the advice.
Ironically I've just been on the phone to my private health insurance. They said if there was documentation to say that the lap and dye was to look for endo and not infertility, then they would cover it. However, my infertility route hasn't really been concentrating on the pain aspect at all. They barely listen when I tell them how the pain is almost so bad I want to go to A&E each month! I guess OH and I are just anxious to get things moving and so nod at everything just to get the lap and dye part!
I've got the lap and dye part scheduled for next month (18th). However, that falls right in the middle of me menstruating and nothing is on the paperwork to say whether that's okay or not. I'm sort of thinking it's okay because then they will be 'in there' when I'm getting the severe pain!

I still don't know what to tell my mum. I'm going to be under general anaesthetic so I feel that my parents should know. If they found out further down the line and I hadn't told them, then they would be devastated. I'm just not sure how to tell them as I know they will ask 100's of questions and I don't want to tell them the whole truth! I know I can tell them it's endo investigation but I know my dad will go on about why I am not doing it privately, which is why I was trying to investigate the possibilities of this today, so that I could have my whole 'story' covered!

At the moment, I'm more anxious about how to tell my folks. However, having spent 2 days in extreme pain, I'm also desperate to start getting the specialist to listen about that side of things, rather than just the infertility.

I have gone back to my GP surgery and begun seeing a completely different GP who is investigating the pain in a different route. He was looking at stomach ulcer but we've ruled that out now. Perhaps I will go back to him and ask for him to produce the paperwork that says the lap and dye is for endo investigations.

I am so frustrated at this stage. I feel very lonely. My OH is working 20 hour days and although he is really supportive, I don't feel like I can trouble him with my repetitive moans, even though I know he will take the time to listen (he really can't afford the time to). My sister was due her baby on Saturday and it's still not arrived. I know that the day it does, is going to be so hard for me. Especially given the time of my cycle I'm going to be at! And like I say, there's only really one of my friends that understands and I think that's because she has her own 1 year old.

Thanks for all the support, Girls. I know we are all here for each other and going through the same emotional journey even if it's not medically the same.
xx


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## duckybun (Feb 14, 2012)

Hey Amy
Not a problem with being on your period, I'd asked about this when I was chatting with my consultant, and he said they're well used to it. He also said that the theory about endo is that when you're bleeding (tmi) sometimes you can get retrograde bleeding ie that instead of coming out (can't remember the polite way he put it) the shed lining travels up the fallopian tubes and into your abdominal cavity carrying endometrial cells which then attach onto whatever surfaces they come into contact. The usual immune response kills these cells off but in someone with endo the response is suppressed and the cells grow into endometris. Anyway he said that he's performed loads of lap and dyes and quite often sees blood when ladies are on their monthly, so basically it's fine, they're well used to it and I guess it can help them see whats going on in a way.
Insurance companies will do anything to get out of covering us when they can, my company said i had to produce 4 yrs worth of evidence to say this was an ongoing issue, which is fine because I've had anaemia due the heavy bleeding since I was 16 and have been on anti ds to help me cope with the pain for ages too. Can you go back to them with any evidence that you've been in pain for a significant period of time?Just a thought too, but I obviously came off the pill when i started trying to conceive but this has made my periods much worse and hence my pain... could you argue that trying to conceive has made the pain worse and you are not looking for treatment for fertility, but to reduce your symptoms? Dont know, just a thought.
As for your family, do they have to know you aren't getting it done privately?
Hope your pain eases up soon hun, I know what it feels like and especially with other 'stuff' going on it can be hard to cope emotionally. Wishing you strength,
x
d


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## little_missAmy (Feb 22, 2012)

Thanks Ducky. Your advice has been really helpful and put me at ease a lot. I'm going to try and push the private route but with my lap date imminent, its probably too late at this stage!

Thanks again. Your words have really been a comfort. X

I only ever come on here when I'm at my wits end!


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