# Introductions - telling other new adopters



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hiya
Wondered if you could all share with me, what parts of the intro's do you wish you'd have known about beforehand?
What would you have liked to have been told about during your preparation groups?

And is there anything specific that you think prospective adopters need to hear about regarding the introduction stages??

Thanks in advance!


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

hmmm...our introductions seem such a whirlwind that I can't think of much that won't be in the 'standard' blurb.

however here are some of my 'top tips/things I wish I had known'

1. Don't try to decorate your child's room whilst doing intros.  Yes it is lovely to find out about them and get their input etc etc but to be honest it doesn't need to be done right there and then.  If i had my time again I would meet with FCs before panel to talk about likes/dislikes etc to choose bedding rather than rushing out to mothercare after two meetings to buy anything i could find with animals on it!

2. Make sure FC have your family book and are using it with AC before intros and add a page with you all together (on first meeting or similar) so that the book 'includes' them in the family. We added a recent photo of DD after first day and then a photo of us as a family (taken at FC house - so familiar setting) at the end.  It meant she had several days to keep re-reading the book and see herself in it.

3. If your child(ren) would normally nap in the afternoon - let them..and don't try and force an outing just because it is day 2 and you are supposed to do 'afternoon outing'.  We had a very tired little girl with us from 1pm - 3pm because FCs didn't want to upset intros by telling us she usually slept then!

4. Don't overly concern yourself if the toy you choose for them and give during intros (a al Childs journey..) isn't a big hit. Some children already have favourite toys and a new toy wopn't usurp that - even if new daddy gives it to them and some children, like our DD, had so many toys that she wasn't sure what to do with it although FM was great about putting it in her cot at night and saying hello to it in the morning etc so that when it moved to us it was already part of 'cot routine'.

5.  Take away food is your friend.  honestly - unless you really require fresh veggies  - just grab what you can and spend time reflecting and relaxing as life is too short to stuff a mushroom.

6.  Get your hair cut before intros as it may be some time before you can fit in another appointment.  no one told me that visiting a hairdressers whilst trying to do attachment parenting to a younf child is not a good thing to do.  Cue me getting 'just a quick trim' instead of a wet cut and DD screaming the place down whenever I moved her from eyesight.

7. Spend lots of time prior to intros doing 'window shopping' and agreeing what you will by if...  it makes things much easier to choose buggy etc at chort notice if you have tried them out in advance.  We stupidly left buying a car seat til the day before we needed it then realised the limited colour palette available in our local store.. OH was determined not to have a pink car seat so we had to trail round several stores late at night to find a grey/navy/neutral one that fitted our car and our DD!

finally - go with the plan as agreed.  short meetings are there for good reason as are rest days.  Don't over do it even if you feel desperate to spend more time with AC - it really doesn't help anyone in the process.

HTH

Magenta x


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

good post magenta, i agree with all of that 

definitely get the local takeaway menus or cook up some dinners in advance that you can bung in the oven quickly..we were far too exhausted to think about cooking anything

somebody gave me a tip not to spend all evening on the phone updating everyone as its just too much...you need the eves to sit and digest your day and get early nights in. i told people not to expect me to be riniging them and sent a couple of group emails during intros so that everyone knew what was going on. everybody was so excited for us that i felt i owed them at least that but i just didnt have the time or the energy to talk to everybody

practise putting up and down your new pushchair..i nearly chopped dh's finger off whilst we both struggled to get ours up and it was so badly squashed we had to cut short the outing to the ducks to go back to FC for an icepack.. was our first time out alone with littlie, which was a shame (and painful for poor dh!) ditto the carseat..they are inbeleivably fiddly for a novice so get practising!

cant think of anything else..think magenta covered it all 

kj x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Thanks ladies! 

 The trapping of the fingers in the pram made me smile... I had a lady in Mothercare asking if I was a learner driver with my DD's pram! - She was joking, I wasn't!


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi,

great advice on here.

the only other thing i would add would be with respect to the foster family's feeling for the child. Try and find out as much as you can about how supportive they are of the adoption. And if you get the impression that they will have difficulties letting go, keep your social worker updated with how things go every day. We were probably unlucky but if we'd fed back to our socialworker everything that was said/done to us and boo during intros i think it would have gone a lot more smoothly.

xruth


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