# Goodbye from us for now



## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Ill make this short and sweet, well after last weeks crap news from our LA telling us we would have to wait over a year just to get on the prep course, we have been making enquiries into changing agencies.

Well Ive had the final kick in the teeth today from another one, basically there books are closed too unless we are looking for a teenager ( I felt that would be pushing it a little ) so we have no where to go. Im just not prepared to go on like this.

Where has my life gone?

So Ill be leaving this board for now, not sure where Im going but I have so had enough after everything we have been through, I just feel like yet again, I am left in pieces. Ijust cannot put my life on hold anymore waiting for agencies to just let us go on the prep course

Lou x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Lou

So sorry to read your message, I won't say don't give up and think positive as I think that might be another kick in the teeth for you.............................I just want to wish you luck and completely understand you leaving the messages boards for now.

Sending you a hug
Love
Andrea
xx


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## Mel (Jan 1, 2002)

Lou

So sorry hun, i cannot believe what you have been and are going through, i dont know much about adoption really but i would say dont give up if you can and keep trying, can you not apply to a private agency, maybe a london one or london borough? probably silly questions but i hate to see you get this far then get knocked back.

You know we are always here for you so wherever you want to post is fine by us and we will support you no matter what.

Loads of love

Mel
x


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## Dee (Jan 27, 2003)

Dear Lou

Huge hugs are being sent to you from me.

Life can be so damn unfair at times and you have certainly had more than your share of kicks and knocks on your rollercoaster journey.

Reading your message I really really feel for you.

Like Andrea, I want to tell you not to give up and to stay positive ... but I too am guessing that you don't want or need to hear that right now?
What I will say is that I hope, with all my heart, that you can in time pull together those pieces and find a way of eventually making your dream come true.  I believe, truely believe, that you will.

Thinking of you, hun
Love and Hugs
Dee
xxx


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## Pilchardcat (Feb 1, 2003)

Awwwww Dear Lou

I'm so sorry to read this   There are so many people on here who deserve a massive break in all this and you & Adam are amongst them....I truely wish something to happen that will make things work in your favour just once.

Sending loads of love to you both
Amanda xxx


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Thank you, Ive just had enough


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## momo (Apr 12, 2005)

Hi Lulu,

I really feel for you and it must be an awful setback for you.

Like mel said, can you try a private or voluntary adoption society in your area- these are listed on the dfes website?www.dfes.gov.uk/adoption/linksandaddresses/vaa.shtml - 47k - 31 Jan 2006 .

We are using an agency rather than our LA and although we are having problems in the amount of time it is taking - at least we hope to get somewhere eventually.  They also offer children from acrooss the UK- rather than being limited to your LA.

Whatever you decide, good luck and best wishes to you both.

Momox


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## *Kim* (May 5, 2002)

Lou

I am lost for words to say to you. Although as the others have said no words are going to make things better for you. I just cant believe after all you have been through and that is more than enough for anyone that you have had this happen.
I really wish i could wave a magic wand or something. Everyone on here deserves some luck but there are some, you included who would have done everything to have a child and give that child a good loving home and yet your knocked back every way. Life can be absolute crap sometimes. I am sorry and i really do hope you get to realise your dream somehow and someway i do think you would make a great mummy even though we have never actually met.

Love Kimx x x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Awww Lou i feel absolutely gutted for you hun  just don't know what else to say   praying things start to go right for you 

pam xx


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

Lou - im so sorry you feel you have had enough - you and adam will make wonderful parents and its the agencies loss for letting you go.

You will get thru this i know you will but you must print off all these replies and pin them on your fridge so when you are feeling a little down you can read our comments and it will hopefully remind you how far you have travelled and you are only a short way off getting your dream.

Love and hugs from me to you and hope to see you back soon. 

Alex xxx


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## Jennifer (Jul 22, 2004)

Lou - I am so sorry - It must seem the whole world is against you now 

Please know that we are all thinking of you and hope that your dreams do come true somehow - I am sure this is not the end of the road for you.

Sending big hugs your way 

Lots of Love
Jennifer xx xx


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## julesuk (Jan 27, 2003)

Oh Lou

Words fail me my darling. I just cannot believe how much bad luck is being dealt to you both. You are the PERFECT parents and so need the break to prove this.

Thinking of you.

Love Jules xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## naoise (Feb 17, 2005)

Lou I really don't know what to say, I am soo sorry to hear of your bad news, I can't believe that you have been dealt these cards to deal with, I hope you and Adam get through this and come out the other side feeling stronger someday.

LOL Keli


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

thinking of you. its just notfair
x


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Lou,

Sorry to hear your news.  

Sometimes, a break is what you need to gather your thoughts.  

I would just say, 'remember, where there is a will, there is a way'. 

Hugs & much love

Laine x


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Laine and everyone else...

I just dont need a break, I have had a break for nearly 7 years. Cant they just give me a break\

I am sick of so much **** being thrown at us, I mean what have I ever done wrong?


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## Bels (Aug 21, 2004)

Lou ... I am so sorry to read your news ... thinking of you both ....     

Love ... Belinda x


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Lou,

I have sent you an im.

Laine x


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## kizzie (Jun 2, 2005)

Im so so sorry to read your message 

Its just not fair- but I know that doesnt help you.

I know you dont want to hear this at the moment and you just want to get away from it all but maybe when you've had a break you might want to look into the voluntary agencies or even overseas adoption.

I dont know if its any help but on my prep course there was a lady who wrote 19 emails/letters to different LA's and agencies and she only got replies from 2.  Shes now been accepted by our agency when she thought there was never any chance.

Also have you looked at www.adoptionuk.com  The message board there has lots of messages from people who have struggled to get an agency and Im sure they'll be able to offer you advice.

Don't give up faith - it will happen for you one day.  I really believe it will.  But for now just be really really kind to yourself.

Anyway sorry this is rambling on but couldnt bear not to reply to you.

Wishing you lots and lots of luck.

Kizziex


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

aww Lou, i'm so sorry to hear about all your let downs. you dont deserve it at all 
I'm sure right now you want to curl up in heap and hide away...and thats fine..sometimes we have to go there in order to find our way again. often its in the darkest moments that we find some light again.
pleeeease dont give up sweetheart...just take a break...and when you are ready you will find the energy to fight your way thru all this b*llocks. 
you* will* be somebody's mummy one day

big big 

kj x


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Lou

So sorry to hear about this blow.  What I will say is the situation changes all the time so please don't give up hope, you will make someone a great mummy and I am sure your time will come.

A year will come around quicker than you think if you stay with your LA and at least then you haven;t shut the door completely, just left it ajar for a while.

I truly hope the situation changes for you and that you can realise your dream.

Much love
Karen x


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Lou - You sent me a lovely post on the ARGC thread, thank you.

I truely wish you and your husband all the best for the future. We looked into intercountry adoption. It's costly but may just be something to consider.

What ever you do, be happy

Fiona


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

no words...just hugs 

We waited 6 months for a prep course with a vol org (we were supposed to be 8months but got a space on the one before). those months flew past...so don't turn down any place just yet...you never know where you will be in a year and if that place might be just what you want.

in the meantime...know that we are all here for you and love you.

Magenta xx


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## Clare_S (Aug 9, 2003)

Lou

You have done nothing to deserve it, this is another case of life being a sh*t

Nothing I can say is going to make it better but I am thinking of you

Clare


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Lou

I do not know what to say but I think that karens advice about keeping your options open for that place in 12 months time is a really good idea. You never know.

I have now been a mummy for 7 months and it had been 7 long years of heart ache for us but i can truly say that all the waiting will pale into the back ground when you become a mummy, which i hope one day you will.

I am not sure how old you are but just add all the years up that you hope to have left of your life and I am sure that 12 months is worth the wait for all the additional years of love you will give and recieve when you become a mummy. Don't give up one your dream.

My dearest wishes are cyber-winging there way to you.

Mandyxx


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## lilacbunnykins (Mar 15, 2005)

just wanted to say i understand how you feeling,ive have had 3 lots of clomid,and 2 iuis resulting in me having 2 eptopics and losing both my fallopion tubes,my only option is ivf,but because my hubby has kids from a previouse we will have to pay,which is something we cant afford...we decided we would apply for fostering and with the money we got from that save for ivf,we didnt go with our local council but went to a private agency,there are loads about ,we got in realy quick ,but it was for children over 8 and from problem backgrounds,but we had my hubbys son living with us for a year last year after his mum was abusing him,we had loads of probs as she kept breaking court orders,it took 7 months for the agency to get the social services report,which said they didnt recommend us because of us being involved with social services b4,even though we did nothing wrong!!!!so we are now in limbo,i just cant accept i will never have a child in my life,unlike you im 40 this year so times running out for me,you both young a year will fly bye,i realy hope you go on the list,it will give you a year to relax and and just chill and start living again...good luck to you both i realy feel for you ,i know what u going through...


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## sandie05 (Mar 11, 2005)

Lou
Please Please don't lose heart. I know you have been knocked from pillar to post and you feel like packing a bag and emigrating to the middle of nowhere. But, my mom is a social worker and when we had failed IVF and looked to adopt we were also told of a ridiculous wait... grrr. BUT her adoption officer friend said that things DO change very quickly. I also looked to adopt abroad. All I can say is that you WILL get there but unfortunately adoption is a bit a long road sometimes. There is a baby out there somewhere who you will be a mummy to... 
Love Sandie


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Just wanted to thank everyone for their kindness. Its so much appreciated as always.

There is a lot of crying being done right now, my head is all over the shop. I just need some direction in my life and its not really being obvious to me.

One must always remember there a people far, far worse off than me

I will survive, I'm sure, as always, it just seems a constant struggle  


Love to everyone

Lou xxxix


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## SueL (Mar 22, 2002)

Dear Lou

I'm so sorry, just read your post ((((((((((hugs))))))) to you and Adam.  I knew the LA were being difficult but flippen heck this is ridiculous.  You and Adam have never done anything wrong, you've done everything you possibly could have done.

Thinking of you both and you know how to get hold of me if you need to.

All my love
Sue
xxxxxxxxxx


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

Dear Lou 

I've not been around for a few days, so have only just read your news.  I am so sorry to read all that you are going through.  Neither you nor Adam deserve it and so deserve some good fortune.  I wish I had the right words for you, but I'm not always so good at that, so will just send a huge   and hope with all my heart that things get easier for you and Adam very soon. 

Love 

Jayne x


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Lou 

so sorry matey - what a time you are having - thought things were really looking up - really wishing you well and hope that you come back to us sometime in the future - no pressure but you know what i am saying hunny 

perhaps you need a break although i KNOW all you really want to do is get on with things - some of these LA's need to give the full picture up front - this process is difficult enough without changing the goal posts - appreciate they do a good job but it is a stressful time for us adopters

never mind this is more about you and Adam than anything else - really hope you find a way to get through this one matey and sending love to you and Adam - we will always be here for you (me and Rubes)
take care of yous

LB
X


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## Fee (May 8, 2003)

Dearest Lou
Hun - I just so feel for you and Adam. The impersonality of the LA and the pain and waiting you are going through - I wish I could, like others have said, wave a wand to make it all disappear.
I just wanted to urge you to consider leaving yourselves on the list for the prep course. Before she died my Mum always said that there was a child who needed us somewhere - and that was the reason we didn't have our own. I know in my heart that somewhere your children are planned, or to be - you know what I mean - and you need to keep your options open to be in the right place at the right time to be with them. Maybe a year is what they need hun.  
I know it doesn't feel like it now, but Mandy is right - the minute you have your children the years of waiting will melt.  You will never forget the pain you have in your heart now - I've still wounds, even now (I know you'll find that hard to believe) but the healing is amazing. I remember with intense surprise looking back once Lol arrived and thinking - was it only 4 years ttc - it seemed like a lifetime.
I was 36 then!  We went to the adoption and fostering open evening in the January with my friend and her dh who were a lot older. They were on the prep course by March and we had to wait until October. I was gutted and found it hard to be a support person to her. Come the October I had to turn down the place as I was 8 weeks pg. You just never know what is around the corner. I know it is hard sweetheart - but try to believe in your heart that somewhere there is a plan for your future with your children holding tight to your hand.
This comes with heaps of love for you and Adam
Fee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

So sorry to read this Lou, i can't understand the attitude of your LA saying that you could only be accepted for a teenager - what a load of codswalup!!  It's not like you are ancient or anything!!

We have been waiting 7mths + and each time we rang our LA we were told of further delays for being allocated a place for a prep course.  The final straw came when we rang them after 6mths only to be told that we may possibly be on a prep course in Nov - a whole year and 4mths later!!!  So we decided that this was the time to make the decision to change our LA - and my goodness what a great decision!!  We are now going on a prep course either April or July!

So don't give in - as the others have said, you WILL be a mommy.

Take care

T x


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