# Does anybody feel alone?



## tinastar (Jun 7, 2007)

Hi

We got our BFN on Friday 16th Nov and we coped really well over weekend because we were together and kept busy.  I am only now starting to crumble.  Most of my friends know about this I sent them texts and they replied with their sorrys etc.. 

My husband is at work - I am not working at the moment but studying with Open University (or supposed to be).  All I seem to think about is myself and I feel so guilty.  I know everyone is busy with their families or work or everything else but people just haven't called.  My mum says they just don't know what to say and that is why...

this site is keeping me sane as I feel so alone, it feels like no-one cares but I am sure they do really as I do have friends!  Does anyone feel like this?  Or am I just being extra-sensitive?

Tina


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## bib (Apr 17, 2007)

Hi Hun,

First of all, I am so sorry about your BFN....   The range of emotions that everyone goes through with each tx is immense and I can imagine that loneliness is one of them.

I feel awkward replying to posts like yours because we were lucky enough to not have suffered the heartbreak of a BFN.  Having said that, I can really relate to the feeling of wanting something so much it hurts  

Before and throughout our tx I did feel really alone though.  I didn't have anyone close who really "got it" if you know what I mean....   Of course, everyone was sympathetic and really supportive, but until you have been there, you really don't know what it's like.

People avoided me too, in case they said anything wrong or simply just didn't know what to say    I can kind of understand that, but all you really need at a time like this is   and an ear.

Hun, I am just down the road from you and if you want to have a meet up and a chat then that would be absoloutely fine.  PM me if you want to sort someting out.....you don't have to be alone  

Love

jo xxxx


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## strawbs (May 16, 2005)

Hi
I am sorry to hear about your bfn      

I had counselling this year as I too felt so alone.  I had dh and he understood, no one else understood (except on FF), my firends were all having babies and although felt for me they too kept their distance because they didn't know what to say (to be honest I didn't feel like seeing some of them).  My mum too backed off and focussed on my brother helping him to buy a house etc etc.  I just felt sad lonely and angry.

I have been lucky now to get my bfp and have asked my mum why she did what she did and she said she just didn't know what to say/do to make me feel better and looking back there was nothing she could have done just be there if I needed her.  I was guilty of being a bit distant I can see that now.  Me and dh were in our own black cloud and no one could touch us.

True friends will be there when you need them but honestly they will not know what to say it will be down to you to make the first move.

Do what is right for you to get through the black times becasue although it doesn't feel like it now there will be an end to them

good luck strawbs xxx


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## 02cindy (Nov 21, 2007)

Hi there,

this is my first post on line.  I have just done my test and yet again it is negative  .  It was my 4th attempt and first one using a DS so was feeling really positive. Howeveer, just now feel quite numb.  My friends and family that know have been texted and so have received the sorry's but I feel so gutted, not sure where to go from here.  We want this so bad, but at what point do you say enough? or try again? It obviously works for some why not me! 

02cindy


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## 02cindy (Nov 21, 2007)

Hi I am new to the site and started entering my details but came unstuck, whats the abb for Donor Sperm on my entries I have put DS but have discovered this is dear son - how strange!! there is one for Donor egg but no donor sperm, why is that?

Any one know?


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## mrsaligee (Apr 4, 2007)

Hi tinastar

First of all, big  , you are not alone, we are all here.  Don't feel guilty about thinking about yourself, you have just had a huge disappointment and I can relate to how that feels.

People do not know what to say - even true friends.  It's not that they don't care, it is just that they don't know what to say.  When my father died I was amazed that my friends just didn't seem to say much apart from sorry, and I've found it the same with IVF.

My advice to you is plan something good with DH, a weekend away, a nice meal out, something that makes you feel good and special.  That is what we are doing and I am looking forward to the next two weekends.

Could you arrange to meet up with any local girls who are on this thread?  I did this recently and we got on like a house on fire, so I feel good about having new friends who understand what I'm going through.  I notice that Jo has offered her support on this thread.

02cindy - big hug for you too, take some time out before you think about it again.

Mrsaligee
xxx


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## nayg (Nov 3, 2007)

Tinastar,

I think i am in your shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel exactly the same, i think we had our BFN's on the same day.  The weekend was good but Monday onwards just felt empty.  I went back to work and everyone was nice, they didn't really say much.  

The only thing people did say was have another go,  well if they want to give us the money then we would!!!!!

I mean my sister who is almost ready to have twins hasn't been round and she only lives up the road, what's that all about??!!!!  Then i think how selfish am i, i should go and see her but i can't bring myself to go round and see her big belly and afterwards   because i wish it was me so much!!!!

I really do think that the only people who understand is people who have been through it, they try to understand but they just can't.  That feeling when every month you go out and spend money on a HPT when deep down before you've handed the money over there is only going to be one line on the display a BNF again!!!!

Oh well if i had a £ for every time i would be ££££££££££££££££££

 

Nayg


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## Tiny21 (Jul 24, 2007)

You are not alone in feeling alone at all!! I feel very alone, DP and I really aren't getting on at all well and family doesn't know what to say for the best so often say nothing. 

Like Nayg I have a sister expecting twins and my other sister expecting as well - which is horrendous for me and they didn't send any comms (we don't live near) when they knew about my 2 BFNs and that really hurt but they know it upsets me whatever they say! - all done with best intentions but still hurts - but then I ask myself what would be the right thing for them to do - urghh nothing as I would see it all like that I think - as often all I think is - well you are pregnant and it was easy for you so ....... (we are so close which, in a way, makes it harder). That probably sounds slightly mad!  

People don't like to ask in case they get you on a bad day - it is a no win situation. 
You are not alone as there are literally thousands on here in similar situations and this honestly gets me through - thank goodness for broadband and the internet. 

Hope you feel less alone now!
Tiny


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## cleo31 (Sep 24, 2006)

What can i say. 

I got my bfn with 1st ivf in sept. Didn't even get to test date (only day 7 in fact). Felt so crappy, what sort of a woman am i if i can't even have kids?? I mean  i know loads of woman who drink, smoke, cop off with the first bloke they meet and fall pregnant just by sitting i the same room as someone so why can't i do it after 4 bliming years

Life sucks and that's official!!!


love and luck to all,

we will have our time!!

Love Cleo


p.S. i'm really not as bitter as i sound, just having a bad day


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## 02cindy (Nov 21, 2007)

Thanks for the words of comfort mrsaligee, I have to say that we felt really good to go back on line last night and see my replies and messages of comfort. . I am off to the doctors this morning as now that I have stopped my pessaries, down there is red raw (thrush) possibly but not sure just really painful. DH said it looked as if I had been gang banged!! Should be going to work afterwards, not sure if ready yet as still feel a bit sensitive at the mo. See how I feel after dr's. Hope it is a female doctor though! 



mrsaligee said:


> Hi tinastar
> 
> First of all, big , you are not alone, we are all here. Don't feel guilty about thinking about yourself, you have just had a huge disappointment and I can relate to how that feels.
> 
> ...


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## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

I know how you feel hun  

I had my first BFN on the 15th of November. We had IVF as well.   I am ok now, starting to feel more human. But I still have a empty place inside me. I dont think it will ever go away. 

When I got the BFN I text people that knew about the tx, but I couldnt speak to anyone. I ignored my phone all day. I couldnt bring myself to text a friend who is 6 months pregnant at the moment. She did text me and said.... 'I take it i wasnt good news' and I just deleted it. I feel so bad but I know if I see her or speak to her I will lose it.     I am just not ready. 

Its hard to look forward at the moment hun, but we will get there. We are just not as lucky as some people. (story of my life!) 

Good luck with the future hun.
Take care xxxxx


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## 02cindy (Nov 21, 2007)

Hi Sades

No I was not looking for a section on donor sperm, it was just that when I entered my story of using donor sperm for my Ivf I realised afterwards that DS = dear son, i thought logically it would have been donor sperm, if that makes sense. Thanks for the welcome, . I can see that everyone is really nice, i am getting great comfort from reading peoples stories and journey's which often end in a bundle of joy or two if your really lucky. Hopefully it will be my turn soon, god willing.

02cindy.



superstar84 said:


> I just wanted to say hello and welcome to fertility friends.
> 
> Are you looking for a section on here for donor sperm? I think it would be under the male factor section.
> 
> ...


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## EJAY (Nov 16, 2007)

Hi there, I got my BFN today and know where you're coming from. I did the same and sent a text to everyone that knew except one who had abandoned me during my TX (gay male friend). I got replies from all basically saying, don't give up hope, just try again. Not really very comforting. One friend called and I just lost the plot and started wailing. Any sympathy makes me loose it at the moment. Haven't called my parents yet, but I am dreading telling them. My Dad will not know what to say except, "Oh love..." and my Mum thought I was crazy doing the TX in the first place as I have an 8 year old daughter. On top of everything I have just moved house and don't know anyone well enough in my area to tell! Not exactly the sort of thing you bring up whilst doing the school run. Wish I had swapped numbers with others at my clinic (Barts), but had no idea I would feel like this at the time.
Upset and lonely of St Albans! xx


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## 02cindy (Nov 21, 2007)

Know exactly how you feel as got my BFN yesterday 

Love hugs and kisses to u


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## EJAY (Nov 16, 2007)

Thanks Cindy, and I am so sorry to hear about your BFN too  
Where do you go from here?
EJAY XX


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## 02cindy (Nov 21, 2007)

Not sure ejay

No decisions to be made just now, get through xmas and then maybe another go.  DH wants to try one more time then look at other options.  we'll see.  Making a decision to never have a child is massive, so cant rush it.  But obviously finances wont allow us to pursue this forever.

what about you


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## dani666 (Apr 3, 2007)

I have just got my BFN today. 
I am at work, nobody even knows I have had the treatment here so I am trying to act normal but inside I am crying and I am sure I will soon be crying on the outside, I have the biggest lump in my throat and it is worse because I have to laugh and joke with my colleagues.

I am heartbroken, not quite sure what to do next. 

Dani


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## EJAY (Nov 16, 2007)

Hi Cindy,
No we can't go on forever either, but I do feel blessed to have a fabulous 8 year old daughter already. 
Five years ago my DH had to have some chemo, hence the fertility issue, and we froze some of his sperm at that time. He has since made a marvellous recovery and I have been having tx over the last 2 years, which as you know is both emotionally and financially draining.
We have 5 frosties so are planning to use those in Feb. Don't have a follow up until Jan, so will discuss options then, but looks like it will be FET on natural cycle. Fingers crossed that my body will be less stressed this time and maybe that will do the trick. Planning to have some acupuncture too and really get fit and healthy after Christmas to give us the best chance.
I really don't want this to take over my life and become a mad person crying every time I see a baby in a pushchair. But that is how I've felt over the last few days!


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## EJAY (Nov 16, 2007)

Oh Dani,
You poor thing, I know just how you feel. I have just started a new job so couldn't share either. Why don't you say you're not well and go home for some TLC. You shouldn't have to go through this alone, although to be honest no one will say or do the right thing today. Just take time to grieve and pamper yourself a little. You may have had a BFN but that doesn't mean to say you didn't do extremely well to get through your tx.
Thinking of you and sending you  
EJAY 
XXX


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## cassandra_2006 (Apr 24, 2007)

Hello Dani,

I'm so sorry this has happened... I agree with EJAY though... couldn't you just say you've got gastro-enteritis or something & take the rest of the day off? It must be really awful being at work on a day like this, struggling so much inside... I can imagine it must be awful getting a BFN. This is my first course of treatment, and even at the thought of getting a BFN I go all numb inside. So this is a time to pamper yourself as much as you can... If you find you can't leave work, please write to us again. We're here!

C.


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## cleo31 (Sep 24, 2006)

Dani 


reallly sorry to hear your news hun., You need time to get over it honey. You should go home, you've been through alot.

Sending you a huge  

love cleo xxxxxxx


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## 02cindy (Nov 21, 2007)

Sorry to hear your news hun, you have come to the right place for support. I agree with the others that you should go home and take it easy over the weekend. I got my bfn on wednesday and have not been back to work yet. Will face it on Monday, even though a few people at work know, still not easy though.

I wish you much love
02cindy 



dani666 said:


> I have just got my BFN today.
> I am at work, nobody even knows I have had the treatment here so I am trying to act normal but inside I am crying and I am sure I will soon be crying on the outside, I have the biggest lump in my throat and it is worse because I have to laugh and joke with my colleagues.
> 
> I am heartbroken, not quite sure what to do next.
> ...


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## Liss (Sep 7, 2007)

Hello

Before anything else, I just wanted to say to Dani I really hope you were able to get home and do your grieving in private in the end.  You are incredible to even keep it together enough to go to work  .  You've been through a lot though hun and you need time to come to terms with everything.  Sending you lots of hugs xxx 

Well...I got my BFN last Friday    and although I know there's no magic formula, I was just wondering how you other ladies are coping?  I just feel so empty and can't seem to get enthusiastic or interested in anything much.  I'm also dreading going back to work this week as I work in childcare and know I'm going to lose it, but at the same time, moping around isn't helping I'm sure and I have to get back to it at some point, because hey life goes on doesn't it?

So sorry for you all ladies     and I wish I could take away your pain...because its exactly how I'm feeling and its horrible.

Much love and hugs to you all ,

Liss xxx


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## EJAY (Nov 16, 2007)

Hi Liss,
I am going through a weird one at the moment. Feeling miserable one minute and quite positive the next. Very sad that my tx didn't work but fortunately have 5 frosties to look forward to trying with next year. I know I am lucky to have them but still feel a bit sorry for myself at times too!
Where do you go from here?

EJAY
XX


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