# End of our journey?



## Guest (Apr 2, 2012)

Hi

we started our adoption journey 3 years ago, and our then SW advised as I had lost a parent a few years before and my previous marriage broke down within 4 months of it all that I was not in the right place to continue, which my partner and I took on board, there were some family health/losses in this time, and we moved house and changed jobs so we put the adoption journey on hold until we were stable in both buying a family home and job security.

We went to groups a year ago, and started HS back in December, we have had a dreadful time with our original HS SW, he even said that it would be best if we withdrew our application as would save him on paperwork (some of you may remember my post on this)  He also mentioned that we should have got more child care experience, but when I spoke to SS back in October they said that my experience was enough.  On our 7th HS our SW advised after 2 hours of normal assessment that he would put a recommendation for us not to be approved.

We went to see the head of adoption on our LA regarding this and they were pretty much horrified of what we told them and were not happy with his lack of professionalism and then allocated us to a new SW (who then we did not see for 5 weeks).  Our new SW went to see my ex husband which I knew he would come out with a load of lies and he did.

Had a meeting today with our new SW and she said we would not get through panel as I had not explored any councelling about my infertility (thats because my partner and I are quite private people and we talk through it and deal with it ourselves) and didnt get any child care experience.  This should have been spoken about in our first visit of home assessment but they have waited this long.  We feel they are closing ranks on us as we complained, our medicals are fine, etc etc

My ex husband had the opportunity at last as he said to have the opportunity to have revenge - basically he left me for a friend but he's bitter about me moving money to protect me and he ended up going bankrupt - SW not happy with me taking the money as he told them I "stole" it., and felt that our SW kept exploring why I did this.

Original SW's report to all 3 referees shows incorrect names, dates, all 3 of our referees sent them back

We have today received his Form F and every page is wrong, including our names, dates, previous partners - the list goes on.  its totally shocking, even says I was married twice!! (I must have missed one) 

Why is it so horrendous - when they sat with us today, all I thought about was our spare room could be occupied by a child that needs loving parents and stability - but it seems it going to stay empty.  

Gutted and upset/stressed cannot explain how we feel,


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## Poppets Mammy (Mar 7, 2011)

Didnt want to read and run....

Not much I can say but I am sending a lot of    and some   to hope your future holds a more positive journey.

Hopefully you can find a different agency that is prehaps more professional and will deal with your situation better.

Good luck, wishing you all the best for the future  

Take care
X


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Dinks, I am so,so sorry that your journey so far has been so horrendous   

As we get closer to the starting gate, I am thinking back at some of the things DH and I have been through, but it is nothing compared to what you have been through. I feel you must be a strong person to have dealt with all that has been thrown at you so far. 

I hope you find a way through this and that you get a positive outcome


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## Cornflower (Jun 5, 2011)

There's a lot about this that sounds really unprofessional on their part. I'm sorry you've had such a rubbish time. I can't remember the name of it but I'm pretty sure there's some kind of official body that governs adoption - seems like you'd have a good case to complain - just for all the mistakes on the Form alone, never mind the bad advice about childcare.


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

I would say all of this warrants a formal complaint to the head of the Adoption Services. If you've the strength you need to write down everything that has happened from the beginning and document everything unprofessional that has happened. some of those errors are totally unforgivable   Even if it gets you nowhere with this agency you will have it all written down  for if you decide to move agencies. 
I dont believe its expected of adopters to have had counselling for infertility issues but it can be seen as a reflection on how you are able to deal with difficult circumstances.. and show that you can seek help..which is something they like to see. just trying to look at it in black and white form sw perspective, i wonder if this combined with the money issue with your ex is being looked at unfavourably because under stress you might do something unexpected/knee jerk response rather than seeking help rationally? just a thought..might be waaaay off line  
so sorry, it sounds like you have been treated very unfairly  

kj x


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## Guest (Apr 8, 2012)

Thanks all

After sifting through our report we have found 48 inaccuracies (6 which would be forgiven as minor name errors but the rest are unbelievable)

Official complaint is going in this week, we are withdrawing from them as feel they are not capable of representing us correctly.

On a positive note I am currently compiling a booklet about us, our home, area and everything we have absorbed from groups and our ideas on settling a child into our home, attachment, etc and also details of doctors/schools/hospitals to show our practical side as well.  We are looking at 2 other LA's and one VA and have decided we are going to see all of them before moving forwards.  Also we are going to have a couple of months break and go on holiday to get ourselves back on track!

All is not lost, just going to give ourselves a breather, get some positive details together about us and start afresh


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

I cannot comprehend what you have gone through Dinks  

I'm so pleased to see your positive attitude fighting back - you are such a strong couple and I'm pleased that you aren't giving up, and are fighting the good fight for the future child/ren who will have the privilege of calling you mummy and daddy  

Have a rest and enjoy some "you" time, I'm so glad you are in a better place now xxx


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Oh well DONE, Dinks!  That's the spirit, come out fighting!  There'll be another LA/VA out there who will be happy to work with you. ((((((hugs))))))


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Big hugs to you.   What a terrible time you have had.   I didn't have any counselling regarding our failed IVFs either and no one ever mentioned it as a negative when I went down the adoption route.  We switched LA as we didn't get on with our first one as we had pets and it seemed to be a major issue with them.  Our next LA didn't mind our pets and saw them as a positive bonding tool with a prospective child.  Hope you find the right LA soon and can move forward.


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## Iman (Oct 11, 2007)

well done Dinks, and good on you complaining

don't forget to chase your complaint up once its been submitted too......trust me, you may need to, i know how these things work. Quite honestly, not sure how you would feel about it what with confidentiality issues, but you may even want to consider talking to local paper etc because what you have been through is shocking (48 mistakes!)....or at least threatening to! 

There's always discussion about LA vs VA....plenty of people go through LA with no probs and good service but just for sake of balance, we went through VA and the main reason was because we found it a much more personal service and experience. 

wish you the best x


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

So pleased you are not giving up and fighting for your rights. I think you are doing the right thing by 'taking a break' and getting yourselves back on track. I am sure the right LA/VA is out there for you and you will come out of this experience with a positive outcome


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## Jules11 (Jun 21, 2011)

Hi,  I don't usually post,  just find comfort in reading about other's journeys.  I can honestly say that so far  we have experienced a wonderful level of understanding from our VA. Our journey has not been simple, we have a birth child, ex partners etc,  the social worker we have worked with has taken time to understand us and see the positives we have to offer an adoptive child.  It sounds like you need somebody who will just spend time listening rather than reaching ridiculous snap judgements. 

It has taken us 8 months but we will finally go to approval panel in May  .  I am glad our SW has taken this time to get to know us.  I know many of the LA's don't have the luxury of time so it is easier to reject than work with you.

Very best of luck for the future. xxx


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## Guest (Apr 9, 2012)

Thankyou so much all it means a lot!

We have now finally got our complaint letter completed, and highlighted all inaccuracies (over 50) at final submission on our Form F plus the breach of confidentiality of ex husbands partner interviewed by the SW without my permission.

I have also compiled an introduction of us, our Adoption journey so far and all we have learnt at groups, reading etc.  We have also been to see our local small village primary schools in the past few weeks and included this also, and our plans/ideas on  settling a child, attachment etc.

It makes me feel better that I have done something positive and shows the Prospective agencies what we have learnt and absorbed so far.  It's really tough and we feel totally unwanted as adoptive parents when we have so much of love, patience, understanding and stability....BUT  will keep going.xx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

good for you for fighting your corner..i hope they do a thorough investigation..so many errors is absolutely shocking   do update this thread as to what happens next..i'd be really interested!
good idea to give yoursleves a breather..and doing something postitve with the time too making your booklet.,good for you  
best of luck for the future..hope to hear a positive outcome soon  

kj x


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