# discussion on mumsnet



## tholeon (Jun 25, 2007)

Hi

Not a newspaper article but I'd be interested to know what you guys think of the discussion 'do you sometimes wish you never had children' in the hot topics section of the netmums coffeehouse - http://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/

Sorry I know it is not a site those of you still ttc may feel like looking at.

x


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## *Bev* (Dec 20, 2005)

I read some of it yesterday, its a really difficult one to read but for me personally for so many different reasons....

I read the topic title and was fuming, then I read a little more and felt sorry for the original poster, I certainly have days when its tough - we've just overcome 15mths without a full nights sleep, my daughter has been in hospital a lot, my son has had his issues, my DH has been in intensive care this year and my FIL has just died rather suddenly, not to mention that i've had a hysterectomy.... but I can say i've never felt so bad that i've wondered what life would be like without them - they are my world.... the lady who posted who had sadly lost babies, I thought was a little harsh with her reply, when I read the title I could have sounded off in a similar vain but I am very much the kind of person who thinks you shouldn't comment on something unless you've walked in their shoes... just because i've never found myself feeling like the original poster, or thankfully like the lady who'd lost babies it doesn't mean it isn't a valid reason to post and feel like that...

Bit of a ramble, I hope you can disect what i'm trying to get at from it!!

Bev


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## levin (Jan 9, 2006)

I've just had a read through the first page and a half and to be honest i think the person who posted was very brave to admit how she feels and in all honesty i believe that most mums will at some point in time have similar thoughts.
I would never ever wish my precious babies away but i will admit there have been times when i have been having a particularly hard day and have reminisced about the time when i didn't have kids and how much easier it was back then. The thing is that when i was struggling ttc i would have probably thought 'what an ungrateful cow' but i think its very easy to look through rose tinted glasses and not realise how difficult it can be to be a mum, especially when you have fertility problems and are striving so hard to become a mum in the first place, i certainly did - i had very rosy visions of being a mum and i have found it much more difficult than i expected.
The good days far outweigh the bad ones though and i'm sure that when the original poster is a little less sleep deprived she will realise that - i think a couple of the people who posted and were trying to make her feel guilty were bang out of order to be honest.


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## tholeon (Jun 25, 2007)

Hello

well I see where the original lady is coming from (lack of sleep, mainly!) and I don't think that she meant her original question the way it came out, but I felt sorry for the lady who had lost the baby - I thought she sounded like she was giving a very emotional grief stricken reaction and it didn't feel like any of the others recognised that. It struck all sorts of chords for me in a personal way too and I tried to express that in a reply to them all but I'm not sure how well I put it all.

Bev - how is Aimee? Did she have her bronchoscopy? (I remember messaging you about it all a while ago - Robert's mum here!)

x

x


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## Marshmallow (Jun 3, 2006)

Having lost a baby almost at term, and having had 2 subsequent miscarriages, I suppose I can understand the feelings of bitterness the lady who responded badly to the post was expressing.  I too feel anger sometimes when mums complain about their kids, but I too know how you feel after repeated nights of lack of sleep, you are irrational and irritable and just want some peace and quiet.  

What I'm trying to say is that after 6 rounds of IVF with no live baby to show for it, you do get upset and angry at life in general.  Some quite innocent comments made by knackered mums of little ones are often seen by women who have not got their child with them due to stillbirth or neonatal death as personal insults, especially when its complaints about something you've fought so hard to get yourself.  Things can be said tactfully though.  I just hope that the lady who posted the message gets her full night's sleep, the other lady gets the chance of some sleepless nights with her own child and that I too can bring home my kicking screaming baby from the hospital, instead of avoiding going into the nursery we'd made for her.

Ah well...


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## tholeon (Jun 25, 2007)

what kind and measured thoughts, Marshmallow. I am sorry for your losses     My sister lost her baby nearly at term, so I have some small insight into what you have been through. She also then had 2 m/cs. She is now 36 weeks pg again and all is going well - fingers crossed. I hope that your luck changes too, soon. 

I suppose in part that  (as well as my own ivf) is what gave me some understanding of the lady with the loss on mumsnet - but I seemed to be in the minority, most people just seemed very cross with her for upsetting the original tired poster! x


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## Be Lucky (Mar 22, 2008)

I do hope so too marshmallow.i had horrendous problems gettin pregnant as u can see.but u can still get irritable with sleepless nites.constant crying etc but i feel really guilty when i feel like that.our beautiful son has enriched our lives.take care berniex


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## *Bev* (Dec 20, 2005)

Hi Tholeon, how is Robert?  Aimee is OK thanks, she coped exceptionally well with the op, and they told us what we already suspected she has very narrow airways, the SCBU equipment was sometimes to big to travel properly in her airways...    They removed the adenoids and she has been sleeping (for the first time in 15mths), amazing and some what relevent to what we were talking about on this thread!!

Hope you and Robert are well?

Marshmallow thank you for your input and i'm very sorry to read of your losses, I do sincerely hope your dreams are just around the corner.

Bev xx


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## tholeon (Jun 25, 2007)

Hiya Bev - glad the op went well and that they found a reason for her problems - my understanding is that problems relating to small airways should just (for obvious reasons!) improve with time, I hope  that's the case? And I'm glad that removing her aidenoids has helped and you are all getting a rest! Sounds like you need it with the year you've had.

We are well thanks, though I've got to get a bit braver about bringing R out and about soon - he still hasn't caught anything since our big scary time before Xmas!

thanks for your thoughts Bernie - I know what you mean. 
x


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## *Bev* (Dec 20, 2005)

Super news T, glad to hear he is doing well - although i'm sure like me your dreading Winter!!

The airways SHOULD as you say increase with age, but as there has been no improvement in the past months they are unsure if this will be the case for her, I hope so...

Bev xx


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## tholeon (Jun 25, 2007)

Hi

I hope so too Bev - at least they know what is going on now.

I think they've taken that thread off netmums now - probably a good thing!

x


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