# Post- cycle Support - ongoing journey



## weeguapa

Hi everyone,
I am just starting to pick up the pieces after a BFN this week. The ladies in waiting April 2WW thread has been AMAZING, but is moving along so fast with lots of new ladies on the 2WW roller coaster.

I wanted to create a space to keep chatting to my incredible new FFs and would love to open this up to anyone else who has just had treatment, whether you were on the 2WW thread or not. Please feel welcome to join the loveliest group of supportive ladies. Let's help each other through the tears in whatever way we can. And to those lucky ladies with their beautiful BFPs, come chat to us too and let us know how you're getting on. You are an inspiration!!

So how has your day been today? I have done much better today....no crying so far! I am feeling proud of myself...that's two tear-less days in a row 

With lots of love and warm hugs

Weeguapa xx



Moderator Note: Please bear in mind that this section of FF is subject to the same site posting guidelines regarding pregnancy and baby chat as all other areas not in specific Pregnancy and Parenting areas. i.e. please keep the details to a minimum. Please see the guidelines here for further clarification: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=260253.0


----------



## Fizzwizz

Hi,

Can I join you? My OTD was 4/4/12 but I had a beta done 3/4/12 as had been very unwell for the whole 2ww and started spotting so just wanted to know if it was over....it came back as 39! To say I was over the moon would be a massive understatement! 

But then a second test,24 hrs later was only 43. I was hoping for at least 60 to be on the way to doubling in 48 hrs. Basically I haven't been able to stop crying since that result. I didn't sleep at all last night and can't bear to see anyone today. Everyone I know pretty much is either pregnant or has a young baby and I am not sure how to pick myself up yet again and move on.

Fizzwizz


----------



## weeguapa

Fizzwizz you are SO welcome to join   


I am really sorry to hear about all the uncertainty you're going through at the mo. but don't give up!! Your embryo/s HAVE implanted, there is a good amount of HCG in your blood and it IS increasing...those are hugely positive things, hold on to them tightly.


I completely understand the tears    And they are absolutely ok and healthy. But try to stay as relaxed and balanced as you can. The lack of sleep thing is horrible and makes everything so much harder to deal with. So I reckon if you feel like a nap anytime, take it!


I totally get the gut-wrenching sadness that comes with being surrounded by pregnant ladies and new parents. I constantly feel like I am being left behind and it's the worst feeling in the world.  But one day we will join them, I am sure of it! And then I don't think we'll care about all the times we weren't part of that elusive parent club.


You will find the strength to pick up and move on if you need to. It will come when you're ready. But hopefully this is just a brief moment of uncertainty       


When is your next test? xx


----------



## DizzySunshine

yeah - you did it WeeGuapa... Awesome    

Welcome Fizzwhizz - will be keeping everything crossed that the numbers go up and you have a strong, sticky bean in there. 

Big Love to all, 

Diz xxx


----------



## butterfeena

Well done weeguapa, like I said you rock. I'll keep on eye on the thread and may post occasionally with words of support but will do my utmost to be mindful and sensitive. xxx


----------



## weeguapa

hey dizzy & butterfeena 
so good to see you here. we rock  what a team!
post as much as you can! happy stories are so inspiring! x


----------



## Caz

Just a quick note to say I have amended the title slightly as this area of FF is for more general support (and therefore the title needs to be more "all inclusive"  ). I have also added a disclaimer to say that, although all members are welcome here, as with other areas of FF, those who have been lucky to have a BFP, need to respect the feelings of those who might be struggling with baby/pregnancy chat and keep it within guidelines in this section.

One other question. It seems some of you are still having tx. Not sure why it is you feel you can't continue to post and support each other in the original "April Showers" support thread (wherever that is). If there has been some issue somewhere along the lines and you feel pushed out, I'd prefer if you let us/ mods know so we can try and resolve it and help you feel supported where you originally posted. Please feel free to PM me if you wish to discuss this further. 

Caz


----------



## weeguapa

Hi Caz,
Thank you for your help! Our previous thread was the April 2WW one and, as we're no longer on a 2WW, it didn't feel right to keep going with new ladies who are on a 2WW, as the chat was moving on and away from 2WW issues. I hope that makes sense! We tried to move to the in between treatment section, but got merged with negative chatter, which wasn't applicable to everyone.

Really happy to be all inclusive here and absolutely welcome anyone who would like to join us, regardless of outcome or treatment 

Thanks again!


----------



## Caz

Ah I see. Well it would make sense as in between/negative is not really the right place for those who have been successful. This area is much more inclusive of all as it's all about chat and support so I hope you have a lot of ladies join you soon. 

C~x


----------



## Fizzwizz

Morning All,

Weeguapa & DizzySunshine - hope you are both doing ok and managing to enjoy Easter.

Butterfeena - I guess you are still on cloud 9 after your BFP!

AFM, I have had my blood taken and am nervously awaiting the Beat HCG result. I have everything crossed it has at least doubled. I still seem to be spotting though.   I am hoping I will be able to get the result today. We are spending the day with DHs family tomorrow, who know nothing about the treatment so I'm hoping I can stay strong!!

Well I'll let you know the Beta HCG outcome!         

Fizzwizz


----------



## butterfeena

Good luck Fizzwizz, really hope its a positive for you.


----------



## Emma02

Morning ladies, I have really missed seeing your posts so thought I would come and join you again if that's ok? 

I'm not really sure where I belong at the moment, boo!!

I have done another HPT this morning, Clear Blue Digital and it is still Pregnant 1-2. It has been like that for a week now and hasn't changed. I am really confused as I have been losing blood since Wednesday. My OTD was 4th April, and had my hcg bloods done on Thursday which showed 56. Due to have bloods done again tomorrow, I'm so nervous as I don't know what's happening with my body!

I know that I will have to wait until tomorrow to know officially, but as still losing blood, I'm not holding out much hope.

Sorry about the me post. Xxx


----------



## DizzySunshine

Morning All, 

Happy Easter!! 

Emma & FizzWhizz - keeping everything crossed that your blood results are good and keep getting stronger each time... 

Butterfena - hope you're enjoying your BFP still - treasure each moment xxx

WeeGuapa - hope Easter is treating you well & you're starting to feel more at peace with the outcome... Thinking of you and sending you lots of cuddles. 

AFM - we're really just waiting until next week where we'll hear how the review of our case went & when we can get our review appointment... We'll be doing a fresh cycle again as we have no frosties... We just don't know how long we should leave between treatment etc... I want to get on with it as soon as possible as I want to be back in the game - but DH is worried that my ovaries etc need time to heal... I guess we'll see what the doctors say! 

Have a lovely day ladies 

Xxx


----------



## Julie37

Just a quick hello from me for now so I don't lose this link - well done and thank you Weeguapa for finding us this continued chat space.  I'm so glad to hear you are feeling a little brighter.  I think we can probably all relate to the feelings of being 'out of the club' but each and everyone one of us will get there somehow.  

The news of my BFP hasn't really sunk in yet, I'm scared to believe it won't be cruelly snatched away soon.  I'm still getting AF pains which I think is a bit weird and feeling ultra tired.  I'm hoping it's down to the progynova and cyclogest I'm still taking.

Sending lots of positive vibes and wishing you all a Happy Easter  x


----------



## weeguapa

Hi ladies and a very happy easter to you all    I have just finished hiding wee eggs all around the living room for DH to find when he gets his lazy a*** out of bed. He'd better hurry up or I'm gonna start munching   


Fizzwizz - how were your blood test results? Hope you're ok xx


Emma02 - so lovely to see you on here    I felt sad reading you don't know where you belong right now...you definitely belong right here    We all do! I can imagine the uncertainty is really tough for you right now though, especially with the bleeding. But a BFP is a BFP! I've never used one of those digital tests (and the tv ad makes me want to punch the test lady in the face) but everyone's body is different and all the test is doing is measuring your hcg levels against a 'norm'. Stay hopeful honey and GOOD LUCK with your bloods tomorrow. Let us know how you get on.


Dizzy - how are you lovely? So good to hear how positive you're feeling. I feel just like you...eager to get going on our next fresh cycle. Bless your DH being all sensible and worrying about your ovaries! How are you feeling physically? I'll be interested to hear what your docs say. We're going to have to wait a while cos we're on to the NHS now and even though we've been at the top of the waiting list since last October, we might need to wait 4 or 5 months before Tx can start    Thank you for the cuddles    Made me smile x


Julie37 - yay! Don't lose the link!! Sorry to hear about your AF niggles. It must be really worrying. But I am sure you can blame the cyclogest. And I've heard that some cramping can be your womb stretching and making way for baby so is a great sign. Do you have a date for a scan yet?


AFM - bleed almost done (sorry if TMI) so glad to have that out the way. Sadly my clexane bruises are still spectacular, so not sure if I'll be bikini ready for my holiday next fri!! I made one of the nurses look at my tummy last week (purely seeking sympathy) and she said it looked like I'd been kicked in the stomach! So now DH is worrying people will give him evil looks if I get my belly on display! He has been rubbing arnica on it for me every night in the hope that helps   


Lots of love and chocolate xx


----------



## CatB

Morning All - Gosh - a lot has gone on in the few days I've been away - I'm struggling to keep up!

Happy Easter to you all and I hope everyone's having a lovely relaxing Sunday. *Weeguapa*, well done lovely on fighting for us to have this corner of sanity and support. It's so nice to *see* you all again. I did enjoy our break away but I've also really missed you all!

Our anniversary is actually today but we decided to go to Hotel du Vin in Cambridge for a few nights. Butterfeena - took your advice and we went for a long walk to Grantchester - a lovely gentle walk by the river, and just enjoyed being with other and trying to talk about something other than TX - not very successfully - but we did have a few games of backgammon in a nice country pub. Thankfully I won or there may well have been tears - I'm not sure I could have handled the idea of 'losing' at something again... 

We also managed to fall off the wagon fairly spectacularly after 4 months of total abstinence on the alcohol / caffeine and general badness front; psychologically I needed it but after a couple of days indulgence (literally - I went the whole hog on the list of banned foods; mussels, oysters, pate, steak, unpasteurised cheese...) it feels good to be back on the healthy train again.

*Weeguapa* - so how are you feeling my dear? Is DH back? I hope you've been getting all the cuddles you deserve and that you're still feeling positive? I know our dreams will come true one day - you will truly be the best mum in the world - along with all the other women on here. I guess the key is to keep looking to the future and knowing that that day, when we hold our baby in our arms, will come. Do you know yet what your next steps will be?

*Butterfeena* - How are you feeling? Hope you're still very much over the moon  Have you had any symptoms yet? How is the contract work going? Just seen your PM's today so will do a proper reply a bit later 

*Julie* - Ah, I think it's so natural to feel scared. I know how precious it must feel to get this far, especially when you've come via the DE route, but I'm certain your baby is here to stay. You've come so far already to get to this point - I'm praying it's plain sailing for you from here on in. I know it's easy to say but relaxing as much as possible and staying positive will really help. I've read AF style pains are quite common and given all the drugs we've had pumped in to our bodies, not surprising! I'd also love to get yours (and Angela's) advice on the DE route so will PM you. We're just starting to look in to it now and it's daunting to say the least...PS - did I see on the other thread that it might be twins for you and Angela? How exciting!!!

*Dizzy* - I totally understand about wanting to get back in the game. I've read that 2-3 months between cycles is recommended to give your body a chance to heal but everyone is different... I really hope you manage to get your review appointment quickly. Let us know how you get on.

*Emma* - Don't lose hope just yet. My heart goes out to you as I know the not knowing must be really difficult, but remember, the tests are saying you are pregnant. There could be any number of reasons why you are losing blood, and not all of the bad. We'll all be here for you tomorrow and I'm crossing everything your blood results are stronger. Let us know how you get on.
so
*Fizzwiz*z - have you had your results yet? I hope your Easter with DH's family is going ok... It must be so hard just trying to carry on as normal. I've heard spotting is normal at this stage but I really hope your bloods continue to get stronger. Weeguapa is right though - those embryo/s have implanted and we are all rooting for you 

I've not yet posted on the 2ww thread yet - I feel like it's all moved on too quickly, although it would be lovely to see some of the old faces on here; *Angela, Donna, Claralicious, njr *- are any of you ladies lurking?

AFM, there are tears most days. I just feel so sad and I'm not sure how to make that feeling go away. I'm normally such a positive person but right now I just feel a little empty still. DH thinks we need to give ourselves a week off thinking about the next steps in detail but I need a plan! Anyway, we have an appointment with our counsellor at ZW a week Tuesday and we're going to use that as an opportunity to attempt to get my head around DE. DH is all for it as statistically we've got just a 5% chance of own next ICSI cycle working and I know he's worried how I will cope if the next cycle is negative.

But I refuse to end on a negative. There's always hope and I'm certainly not going to give up on my dream just yet. Lots and lots of love and hugs and positive vibes to everyone - I need to get a welly on - that Easter lunch won't cook itself 

Chat soon.

Cat xxxxxxx


----------



## Julie37

Weeguapa - thank you, my first scan is 23rd April.

CatB - Happy Anniversary! - sounds like you celebrated in style - good for you!!  

You are coping remarkably well so don't ever let yourself think otherwise.  I'm sorry to hear that you have been given the same news as us about the chance of conceiving with your own eggs.  As you can see though it's not the end of the road and I look forward to your PM about the donor egg route when you are ready.  Yes you are right about Angela and I possibly lined up with twins!

Anyway must dash I'm afraid as I've got a roast dinner awaiting me at my mum and dad's - mmmm!

Julie x


----------



## XXDDxx

Hi ladies.
Hope u are all doing ok and spoiling yourself with lots chocolate today.

I'm totally lost with everyone just now. 
Hope you are ok.

Hope all the ladies with your bfp are enjoying things and not stressing too much.

Those of you waiting for blood tests good luck and I hope ur levels are getting nice and high.

I can't remember who mentioned about hpt getting lighter? I read somewhere that every hpt even the ones in the same packet have different sensitivity? Hope that makes sense? Some will always show a darker positive than another.

AFM we have found a great clinic in Glasgow its called Hope Fertility? I think we are looking at having iui there. I'm not sure if we can do this or not considering our ivf didn't work? I'm just trying to stay positive at the moment and hope my body responds better to iui with out all the drugs and stuff, I dread to think how we could find the money for ivf. 

Well I'm having a sofa day with chocolate, crisps and ice cream and then starting the diet and exercise tmo  got my wonderful baby dukey here to make me feel better. 

Weeguapa hope ur wax went well hunni.

Catb glad u enjoyed your break away with Dh. 

I will catch up with everyone else. I don't no where ur ladies get your memory from I can't remember everyones names! DP says my memory is terrible and dreads to think what I will be like when I'm old.

Take care girls   xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## annan1975

Found you!

Weeguapa - so glad you found a place for us all to catch up, thank you!  Where are you off to on your hols? Maybe you could hide those bruises witha wee bit of fake tan.   for more tear free days.

CatB - happy aniversary!  Sounds like you and DH had a lovely time.  It's nice to relax a bit after tx - I've had so much caffiene today, I actually feel a bit sick!

Julie - congratualtions........twins, that's wonderful!

Dizzy - good luck with the appointment, hope you don't have to wait too long.  

Emma and FizzWizz - fingers crossed your hcg rises spectacularly. 

butterfeena - congratulations, hope your enjoying every second. x

Afm - Today I turned 37.  Had a bit of a self-indulgent wobble first thing, but managed to pick myself up and drag myself off to the ski slope with the LOs.  DH is off to Paris tomorrow night and won't be back until the early hours of Saturday morning - I know it's not long, but I'm dreading it.  So glad to have found you all, my friends and family are wonderful, but I don't feel I can talk to them about tx.  Hope you all had a lovely Easter.


----------



## Emma02

Hey ladies, sorry for the me post, but just to let you know that I have just had my blood results back and my hcg levels have fallen to 10.2. Absolutely devastated. Xxx


----------



## XXDDxx

Aww emma I'm so sorry hunni. Xxxxx


----------



## weeguapa

oh emma02, i am so so sorry    i can't imagine what it must be like to have good news and sad news so soon afterwards.  sending you the biggest FF hug i can    what are your clinic saying? hope you are ok x


annan - i was SO excited to see you had posted on here!  i missed you!!    to you!!!  (i am over-excited at just having found more smiley-thingies).  i can imagine it has been a day of mixed emotions.  i hope you are doing ok.  did you get any good pressies??  i totally understand the worries of the DH going away.  mine left for aberdeen again this morning.  i have found that having at least one nice thing planned each day is enough to get me through.  plus forcing him to play 'draw something' with me means i get the occasional pic and know he is thinking about me.  i hope the week passes quickly for you.  we will be here to hold your hand whenever you need it   


XXDONNAXX - hope you are catching up ok with everyone!  this off-road path to baby-making has so many bumps and twists and turns, it can be difficult to know what's going on yourself, let alone with all your FFs!  
i think i know hope fertility well, as i am pretty sure that the glasgow nuffield ACS clinic has been renamed/rebranded as hope fertility.  if you have any questions about it at all, please PM me.  we have been having treatment there for 2.5 years, so i know the staff and system well and would be happy to chat to you about it.  oh and the bikini wax was fine, thanks to your reassuring tips!  it wasn't nearly as bad as an ET so i didn't mind it at all.  although am a bit traumatised by things looking slightly different down there now!!...


Julie37 - hope the roast was yummy   


CatB - my lovely FF...i was thinking about you over the weekend and wondering if you were able to enjoy a wee fizzy toast with your DH.  it sounds like you had a really lovely, healing time away.  how are you feeling about everything now?  your little message to me made me cry!!!  in a good way though...it reminded me to stay hopeful and allowed me to take a sneaky glimpse at the 'me as a mummy' image, which sometimes is too blurry to see properly.  i can't wait to share mummy stories with you one day    our next step in terms of Tx is a loooooong wait for an NHS appointment.  we also have a follow up with our private consultant in a couple of weeks, so we will see what that brings.  hope your appointment on tues is helpful.  success statistics are so difficult to make sense of....5% might be low, but it's still 5%?!  sorry if that's an unhelpful thing to say.  i just so want to believe this can work   


fizzwizz - any news?


hope everyone else is having a happy easter monday.  i have fallen off the weight watchers wagon and eaten crazy amounts of chocolate.  all good preparation for an all inclusive holiday next week! we are off to antigua    with my parents though...don't be jealous!  it's my dad's 65th birthday so he is taking me and DH and my brother and his girlfriend away for the week.  and my mum too.  it will be amazing i'm sure, but not without it's challenges.  we are currently looking into an excursion to send the parents on for a day, give us all a break   


lots of love xx


----------



## Fizzwizz

Hi ladies,


Sorry I haven't posted sooner but haven't felt like doing anything other than cry since my beta came back at 13 - so its all over. It's been such a roller coaster and I really believed it was our time.

Not sure how to pick myself up, I guess I should be glad it's not another ectopic. 

Love and strength to you all!

xx


----------



## Emma02

Thanks for all of your kind messages lovelies.  Need to do another test in a weeks time to make sure it's negative, stopped all medication now and am bleeding even more, that's one long bleed... Still very tearful today, but need to keep positive. 

Fizz whizz, really sorry to hear your news honey, it's such a disaster and I am exactly th same position as you at the mo and really feel your pain. I hope time for you is a great healer xxxxxxxx


----------



## Fizzwizz

Thank you Emma. I have got to go to the EPU tomorrow to be seen by a doctor, I am guessing it's because I have had an ectopic in the past and they want to be sure this time.

A week is a longtime for you to wait, I really wish they wouldnt drag things out so much!

Don't know about you but I am doing the crazy, "if it implanted what went wrong, was it something I did torture" at the moment!! 

Anyway I hope you feel more positive soon!

xx


----------



## weeguapa

Hi everyone,


Hope you're all having a good day. Has it been one of those confusing 'feels like Monday' Tuesdays for you all to?! Doesn't take much to confuse me right enough...


Emma and Fizzwizz, you are such an amazing and inspiring pair! I am so sorry to hear about all the uncertainty and the waiting and waiting for more tests and more results. It must be so hard to think about anything else.  Are you both working at the moment? I hope you're able to take lots of time for you, to do lovely kind things so the healing can start, whatever your outcomes.


I really want to say again and again that it was NOTHING you could or should or shouldn't have done. I tell myself this every hour of every day, but hearing it from other people can just seem like no one is listening. It is inevitable that we search for reasons why it doesn't work. So we can hopefully overcome those next time, do something different. But I am yet to find the magic key...the thing that, done differently, makes it work.  So I guess what I want to say is, ask the questions, but don't beat yourself up.  We all did the very best we could to make this work.  And that's all anyone can ask. And we will do the very best again next time. And every day in between. And that includes being really kind to ourselves. And eating chocolate   


Phew! Deep and meaningful weeguapa is gonna shut up now! Haven't had much conversation today so you guys are getting all my inner workings, you lucky things!!


Much love xx


----------



## DizzySunshine

Ah weeguapa, 

You are wonderful and wise and speak words we should all heed... It's just so hard to believe that this whole this is just down to bloody chance and luck and there is nothing we can do... It makes me want to scream some times - all DH and I want is a baby and it seems that there is nothing we can do to get our dream... 

Sorry... Just needed to vent - we've had family here since Friday and none of them know we've just been through IVF so it's been hard trying to be happy and upbeat for them all! 

Sorry for being all me, me, me - on my phone and don't want to be rude - although, I'm sure my parents all ready think I am!!! 

Will post properly soon. 

Big love and cuddles to one an al

Dizzy xxx


----------



## butterfeena

Cuddles to Fizz whizz and Emma, how cruel life can be, I'm so sorry this has happened to you and echo the wise words of the wonderful Weeguapa, it was nothing you did or didn't do. Xxx


----------



## annan1975

Hi,

FizzWizz and Emma - so sorry to hear your sad news, I had a chemical pregnancy this time round too ( though my BFP only lasted 2 days).  I'm 100% positive you did everything you could to make it work but there's no real formula for success.  Feel whatever you need to without guilt or shame - cry, scream, shout you've good reason to.

Weeguapa - it's enevitable that we blame ourselves - first time round I was convinced a slice of pineapple destroyed our chances, whereas this time, I blamed a 20 minute beach trip (the clinic told me not to get hot).  One week on, though it still hurts, I know I couldn't have done more.  That said, I sometimes think this is worse, maybe at 37, I'm just too old.  Where do you find all these characters? 

Dizzy - you must be exhausted!  How long will your parents be staying?  To entertain house guests at a time like this shows incredible strength.  Hope you get some time to yourself soon. 

DH has just left for Paris and am already feeling a bit lost.  Normally I'd be glad of the time alone, but I'm really not looking forward to getting into that empty bed.

Night all x


----------



## weeguapa

awww you ladies are just so lovely.

dizzy - you vent away any time and don't ever feel you need to apologise.  it's what we're all here for   i agree with annan - you are so strong to survive a long family visit at a time like this!  i will be thinking of you when i am wanting to shout and scream at my family next week.  i will ask myself 'what would my dizzy do?' and then come on here and tell you all about it    or maybe draw something...!


annan - i totally get your pineapple thing...i have been there.  one time i blamed a BFN on a post-transfer sneeze! which really couldn't be helped, so i was a bit kinder to myself that time, i suppose.  this time i am just telling myself over and over that i did the very best i could.  that's a phrase my counsellor gave me.  it made me cry when she first asked me if i did everything i could.  and i realised i did do my best and that's all anyone can ask of us.  i am sorry you are feeling lost without DH    i hope your week goes quickly.  in the meantime, enjoy having a big, lovely bed all to yourself.  stretch out and use all the pillows    and delight in the absence of a snoring, cover-stealing, sharp-toe-nailed lump!  just me?!  spin (click on 'more' under the smiley faces to find extra smiley thingies...took me a year to discover that!) 


butterfeena - how are you lovely?


big hugs to everyone else too


----------



## Fizzwizz

Hi ladies, 

Just a quickly; I am sat in the EPU, was told I need to be seen as have had an ectopic in the past (think they are airing on the side of caution this time as completely missed the ectopic and it nearly killed me!)
I have been sat here on the bloody maternity ward for 3 hrs now, just what I needed!!!

Anyway, this is a bit of a me post I'm afraid....had a talk with DH last night as I am really scared to try again. The heartbreak this time has been unbelieveable and I am scared to go through it again. More so because I know due to other medical conditions I will be a high risk pregnancy and as such an early loss has been so hard I am worried about going through all this and well I can't even bear to write it!

How do you find the strength to continue?

Fizzwizz xx


----------



## Emma02

Ah honey, fingers crossed for your appointment today, let us know how you get on xxx

You will get through it and determination will see you through to wanting to try again.  Don't give up hope, at least we know that we were successful with implantation, albeit unfortunately not staying. That hope is what is getting me through at the moment is that my body can do it.

Keep your chin up and try and stay positive.

Take care hun xxxxx


----------



## annan1975

Weeguapa - you're so right about the snoring and the sharp toes - I'll be more greatful of my empty bed tonight.  This is for you  

FizzWizz - 3 hours in maternity, that's awful!  Though terrifying, knowing you can try again can also be comforting.  I've found it far harder to move forward this time round as I know we'll not be giving it another go.  Hope you didn't have to wait much longer.

Emma - you're right absolutely right and according to Google, most women who experience a chemical pregnancy go on to have children.  

Well, the day's actually passed quite quickly and I'm feeling much more positive.  The next two days will be pretty full too so looks like DH will be home before I know it.


----------



## weeguapa

Evening beautiful ladies    How are you all doing?


Fizzwizz - is there no end to the intense tests of your strength and bravery Can't believe you had to endure more than 3 hours in a maternity ward today! You are amazing.  What did the docs say?
I believe you will find the strength to try again when the time is right for you. It will come. Don't worry that it's not there yet. We all have our own timescales...it's a grieving process after all and we all cope with loss in our own way. My DH and I have totally different timescales...he is much more of a slow burner and needs longer to regroup. So we have to find our compromise. Which can be tough!  Did you happen to see the poem I posted on the other thread last week? I have been reading it every day...it really just describes how I am feeling so perfectly. And what I love most about it is the sense of be held up by all of you. I get such strength from my FFs! Let me know if you missed the poem and I will post it again or PM it x


Emma02 - how are you feeling today?


Annan1975 - so glad you are surviving the absent DH! I am sure he will be back just as you're starting to enjoy the peace and quiet    That's what usually happens with mine! Who is stuck on a train somewhere between Aberdeen and Glasgow right now and we are due to leave for our holiday at 10am tomorrow and he is not even close to being packed!! I would do it for him, but would choose the wrong pants or something and never hear the end of it   


CatB, XxDONNAXX, butterfeena and anyone else having a read - how are you all doing?


----------



## weeguapa

Ps... Lots of love and healing hugs to you all xx


----------



## XXDDxx

Hi girls how we all doing?
I'm so sorry some of u r having such a hard time at the moment, hope u get some answers soon.
Weeguapa
I will mail you about that clinic when I'm next on my lap top. Thank u.

AFM... I'm back to work now and just getting on with life... Well I'm trying to, I went to the docs today for tablets for spots and came out with bright red eyes and antidepressants  not sure if I'm going to take them yet. I went in to my doctors and she said I'm always so excited to see u and hope u have good new, well that was it I flooded the place with tears and had to leave through the back door  don't think she will look forward to seeing me the next time. 
Iv been having pains in my lower tummy like really low down its such a weird pain, god knows what it is? Kind of worried iv got an infection? Xxxxx


----------



## butterfeena

Hi ladies

Goodness what a tough tough few days for so many of you. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this and wish for the sky to be brighter for you as soon as possible.

AFM I'm doing okay, still pinching myself really and still on knicker watch, gonna be a long wait till the scan.

Love and light to you all.

x


----------



## Emma02

Good morning ladies, I hope you're all doing ok today?

Weeguapa - I love reading your messages as they are always so personal and thoughtful, you are very sweet. X

Fizzwizz - I hope you're ok honey, been thinking about you and how your appointment went, keep smiling lovely. X

Donna - sorry to read your post, I think that would happen to me too if I went to see my GP as she has been with us through all of this, I am sure she completely understands.  I am also still losing lots of fresh blood, 9 days on and have started to get af pains again which is pretty worrying.  I called the clinic yesterday as I am concerned with still bleeding and they said to keep an eye on it and to call them tomorrow with an update. I am not sure if I should be calling them again today as I am now having cramps, they are not bad, but they are just there!!!

Annan1975 - hope you're ok honey, not long until hubby is home. What will be your next steps?

Sorry if I have missed anyone xxxx


----------



## weeguapa

Just a wee hello and I'm thinking of you all from the BA lounge at the airport  Yes, blatantly showing off!! There have to be some perks to having a business travelling husband!...


Emma02 - so sorry to hear about the bleeding. It's just awful  hope it stops soon. I would call your clinic today too. Better to call than not to. And it's their job to reassure us. I called my clinic about my big clexane bruise a couple of weeks ago. Not sure what I thought they could do about it, but I just needed someone to know and care!


Hope everyone else is ok! Will be in touch from London town before leaving for holiday tomorrow. I was just thinking this morning how stressful and complicated this would be if I was pregnant. Trying to see that as a silver lining but it's not really working 


Lots of love and hugs,
Weeguapa (plus bag full of free BA snacks!!) x


----------



## Fizzwizz

Weeguapa - I hope you have a lovely holiday! Have to say I'm feeling very envious having just got soaked in the walking the dog,  

Emma - I hope your doing ok, your right about the implantation thing, I am holding on to that to get me through atm!

Donna - I know what you mean about tears, everything sets me off right now, I guess it helps the healing though...

Butterfeena - lol at the knicker watching! I think I would be like that throughout my entire pregnancy and not really believe the BFP until I'm actually holding the baby!   It seems so unfair that we go through so much to achieve pregnancy and the can't relax enough to enjoy it! Still holding our babies will be the best thing in the world I am sure!!!!        

Annan - glad you are feeling more positive!

And to all the others I have missed, I hope you are doing ok!

AFM - well it looks like a miscarriage, although briefly I was told a possible second ectopic as my cervix was closed. My beta is now only 5 so need to pick myself up and try again. I have been looking into other options such as adoption and surrogacy, not that I am ready to give up on the IVF yet but need something to think about or I just end up feeling hopeless and crying. My brother and sis in law announced they were expecting a baby yesterday (great timing eh!). I got back from the EPU and they were waiting with a 12 week scan photo! Lol. They weren't being insensitive they didn't know about my treatment and revealed they had issues themselves which is why they waited to tell anyone until 12 weeks, although by issues I mean it took them over a year to conceive so hardly an issue by our standards! I am sooooo happy for them but must admit I cried my eyes out after they left. Just sad for us that's all. What makes it harder is that he is 5 years younger than me and his wife 8 years younger and they only just married last year. Shouldn't it be my turn first?

Wow what a ramble! Better go and make dinner (and try not to get tears in it!)

Fizziwizz


----------



## weeguapa

fizzwizz - you are incredible. don't know how you survived that announcement.

just about to board the plane!
love to you all xx


----------



## butterfeena

I second that, well done fizzwhizz x


----------



## weeguapa

Hi lovelies!
How are you? Just a quick hello from Antigua...Internet connection a little ropey, but wanted you to know I'm thinking of you all.  How are you??

AFM - having a lovely, relaxing time. New obsession with the 'hunger games' books...totally recommend them!

Missing your stories!
Weeguapa x


----------



## XXDDxx

Weeguapa.
Glad ur having a good time .
I just ordered the hunger games last night  xxxxxxxx


----------



## butterfeena

Hi ladies

I'm sorry to bring don the mood but I've had the most dreadful day. Some sixth sense made me do a pregnancy test is morning which was negative, a brand I had previously had positives from. I tested again with two other brands and both totally negative, not a whisper of a line and almost immediately started getting pink brown discharge. To say I am devastated doesn't even come close, truly I am bleeding all over. Appointment at clinic for scan tomorrow but when I explained about the negative tests and asked if there was any hope at all and said basically no. I really really hope none of your deaf ladies ever have to go through this to be given your dearest wish to have it so quickly snatched away from you is breathtaking it's it's cruelty.

Love to you all
X


----------



## weeguapa

I'm so so sorry butterfeena. There just aren't the words for this    I am feeling so angry for you. It's just not fair. Which is something I think we all work so hard never to say, but you know what? It isn't fair at all.


I wish I knew how to help. We're here for you though, whatever you need. You will get through this x


Hope everyone else is ok today xx


----------



## butterfeena

I want to throw everything at a wall and scream.


----------



## annan1975

Butterfeena - I'm so, so sorry, life is just too cruel sometimes.  My heart really goes out to you and I truly wish there was something I could say to take the pain away.  Shout and cry as much as you feel you need to and when you're ready come here and vent - we'll be here, ready to listen.  

Fizzwizz - unbelievable timing, hope you're ok.  I don't grudge anyone their happiness but sometimes it's nice not to have a ring-side view.

Weeguapa - hope you're having a wonderful holiday.

Donna - have you started on the Hunger Games yet?

Afm - in a sudden act of utter madness    I decided to sell my jeep so, as temperatures rise, we're doing the school run on foot.  Small family = small car, think I might need to find something pretty quick as it's really starting to get hot.


----------



## CatB

Butterfeena - oh love, my heart just goes out to you.  I am so so sorry.  I wish there was something I could do / say to take your pain away.  I hope you can find the space to grieve and know that in time there will be a speck of light for you to hold on to. Are you getting support from your DP?  Thinking of you honey.   xxx

Fizziwizz - What unbelievably awful timing.  I think it's perfectly acceptable to feel sad  / angry when we hear of others having what we long for.  I read an article today that talked about the stress of infertility and that it's right up there in between cancer diagnosis and bereavement.  That has truly helped me to process the feelings and emotions I'm going through and to realise how legitimate they are. xxx

Weeguapa - How are you lovely?  Are you still in Antigua?  I really hope those sunny rays are helping to heal things - you've given such strength to all of us and I hope you're starting to feel strong in yourself. xxx

Donna - What are these hunger games of which you and wee speak?!  I could do with a good read.  I'm reading a Sebastian Faulks book - 'On Green Dolphin Street' at the moment and whilst it's brilliant I feel so very envious of the main female character and her 2 children...grrrr!  Surely that's not a normal response!  Anyway, how are you doing hon? xxx

Annan - how hot is hot?!  Is your DH back yet?  Hope you're doing ok. xxx

AFM - firstly apologies for not checking in until now - I've just been feeling so low I had to take a break from all things fertility related.  I wasn't helping myself and didn't want to come on here and not be able to give comfort. If I'm being really honest, everyone else's pain just felt so raw and I just wanted to run away from everything.

I feel like I'm starting to emerge from the well though- I don't know if any of you have felt similar things, but I've just been unable to do simple things like empty the dishwasher / washing machine / tidy up or do any of the small household tasks that need doing....it's a kind of lethargy where I just can't seem to connect with anything practical - it's all felt so meaningless.  BUT - I am going to have a massive tidy up today and get our flat (and hopefully my emotions) in order!

Donor Egg is the most obvious route for us. I'm starting to come to terms with Premature Ovarian Failure at 37 and am trying to look forward not back.. The whole donor egg thing just seems so huge though - so many issues, implications etc to think through, plus whether or not to have immunes testing and how the heck we're going to pay for all of this!

Right - sorry to go on and for the me me me post!  Thinking of you all, especially you Butterfeena.

Lots of love 

Cat xx


----------



## weeguapa

Hi everyone!
How are you all?  Hope everyone is doing ok.


Sorry for the short post, but I haven't written for ages and just wanted to say hello and I'm thinking of you all!


Had a lovely, relaxing holiday, got some good perspective on treatment and life in general and was able to reconnect a bit with DH. All in all, it was a very well-timed break   


We have our follow up with the consultant tomorrow. I am kinda dreading it just cos I think it might bring up lots of sad feelings    Any survival tips??  This appt is doubling up as our initial NHS appointment, so I need to think of lots of questions to ask about how things go at this hospital.  I have a feeling it might be lots different to the private clinic.  What do you think are the most important things to ask?  I really appreciate any help you can offer!!


Lots of love xx


Ps...hugs to Annan in the sunshine! And catB, so glad to hear how well you're doing...totally understand your need for a break, but so happy to see you re-emerge    X


----------



## Fizzwizz

Butterfeena - just read your post and felt sick! I'm so so sorry your wish didn't come true this time. Big hugs! xx

AFM - I am trying to not think about fertility for a few days; have been unwell and pretty sure was brought on by all the upset so trying to get better before I start on the road again.

Speak soon xx


----------



## CatB

Hi everyone,

Weeguapa - welcome back!  How did your appointment go? So pleased you and DH reconnected.

Fizzwizz - So sorry to hear you have been unwell.  I really hope you start to gently feel better and continue to be good to yourself.

AFM - I am in absolute shock.  I am day 28 after the failed ICSI last month and have been having the most awful stomach cramps over the last few days.  So I went to the docs this afternoon, and well, I'm pregnant!  I just can't take it in, and hugely worried as I've been in so much pain it's brought me to tears.  But this is the first time in over 8 years of trying to conceive that I've had a positive test.  I have done everything wrong this month - drunk loads of wine, stopped taking my vits, got stressed at work and spent every waking hour researching donor egg clinics as the consultant said that was our only option left available to us.  I really cannot take it in.

Lots of love to you all and I really hope this post hasn't caused any offence.  If anything, I just wanted to bring about some hope.  xxx


----------



## DizzySunshine

Cat - that's the most amazing news EVER!!! Xxxx


----------



## CatB

Thanks Dizzy!!! All I can say is miracles do happen.  I just cannot take it in.  How are you doing? xxx


----------



## XXDDxx

Omg! Catb!! That's is absolutely amazing! I am so happy for you. Xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## weeguapa

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! CatB congratulations!! That is the most amazing, inspiring news! Thank you for sharing    Sorry if this is too personal, but is this a natural BFP?? Absolutely a miracle    How are you feeling about it all??


Fizzwizz - lovely to see you back! Totally understand the need for a FF break. What's lovely about this site and this thread is that we can all disappear when we need to and come back when we're ready   


How is everyone else doing?


My appt was ok...still no answer as to why it hasn't worked, other than never having had a fresh transfer. So we're on to the NHS treadmill. Hoping it's not too different from what we've already had (apart form the outcome, anyways!). We got given an appt for 17th may for paperwork and screening, which seemed quite soon so I was really pleased. But then just got an appt for 5th may in the post!! Which would be fab except I'm away this weekend so need to phone and change it    Seems so crazy to wait nearly 3 years for something, only to have to change it. Hope they won't hold it against me!


Lots of love to you all! Xx


Ps,,,,dizzy, a big, juicy PM is coming your way soon, I promise. That sounded kinda dirty, sorry!!


----------



## butterfeena

Blimey CatB miracles do happen! Amazing news! xxx


----------



## CatB

*Butterfeena * - indeed - it is a total miracle! How are you doing honey? I've been thinking about you a lot. Sending you 

*Weeguapa* - it is a natural BFP! Seriously, after 8 years of trying to conceive I have NEVER seen a second line, never been pregnant. My consultant said I have severely diminished ovarian reserve and diagnosed premature ovarian failure. She even went so far as to say that it was likely that I would ovulate perhaps one month in three. So we were firmly going down the egg donation route. I truly don't know what happened, other than that we had some really well judged nooky!!

I did give up all caffeine, alcohol, no processed food, greatly limited sugar intake, took millions of supplements and hormonal remedies (incl DHEA and apimist beelpollen), acupuncture, reflexology, positive visualisation etc for the 4 months prior to IVF in March so I don't know whether that had an effect on the natural quality of my eggs, given those lifestyle changes normally take about 3 months for the body to process. In truth though I don't think there's any rhyme or reason to these things - all I know is I feel very very very lucky and wish all of you all the luck in the world. It just feels so unfair that some have to wait longer for their dream to come true, but I really hope this does give some hope.

That is really great news about your appointment. So good that you are in the NHS system, I think that's really positive. Of course they won't hold the appointment against you! Have you got anything nice planned for the w/e?

*Donna* - lovely to hear from you and thanks for the congrats! I've been thinking about you - how are you doing? I do miss all our updates now we're not in regular contact on the 2ww board. I hope you're doing ok? How are you and DP holding up?

*Fizzwizz and Dizzy* sending you both 

AFM - DH and I cannot help but get excited. We know it could get snatched away at any time but I just feel I have to throw my emotional energy in to this and well if that means, falling harder and heavier if it doesn't work out, then so be it. I have no idea how this will pan out but I'm determined to enjoy every second - although I'd be lying if I said I wasn't checking for red every time I wipe...that's a hard habit to get rid of! Anyway, I need to get cooking and settle down for an evening of The Apprentice or the new series of The Killing (american version)...hmmmm.....

Have a lovely evening all. xxxxxxxxx


----------



## weeguapa

Just a quick message to say hello from the USA!...I know, I have no right to be on another holiday!! This one is somewhat of a rescue mission though...friend in need. Although I have also managed to spend a ridiculous amount of money at the mall!


How are you all doing?


CatB - I have told so many people about you...my miracle FF! You give me such hope!  Can I ask for more info on the supplements you were taking? Am thinking about getting some of the apimist honey - which one did you have and how much did you take each day?  I haven't heard of DHEA...can you tell me more about that one too? Thank you!!


Lots of love to everyone - what's new in your lives, Tx wise and otherwise?! xx


----------



## CatB

Hey Weeguapa!

Your US trip sounds intriguing! Whereabouts in the States are you? Good for you making the most of the malls - you definitely deserve the treats  Ok, here's everything I was taking

DHEA - 3 x 25mg (or whatever the dosage is called) Meant to improve egg quality and quantity - here's where I ordered it from http://www.dhea.com/product.php?productid=17557&cat=0&page=0&featured=Y

and here's an article about the benefits http://www.centerforhumanreprod.com/dhea.html?gclid=CJO4sI6j6a8CFRQrfAodFBgVLA

Apimist honey - I took a teaspoon a day - you're not allowed to melt it in a hot drink but I actually quite liked the taste - http://shop.apitherapy.eu.com/index.php?cPath=21

I was also advised to take myo inositol (jarrow were the recommended make) http://www.vitaminsuk.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=16039

And then added to all of that I took

Peruvian Maca root http://www.nutricentre.com/p-25610-maca-500mg.aspx

Pro Greens tablet (super nutrients) - can't remember the website but will go back through my emails)

Wheatgrass tablets - about 10-12 a day! I also bought them from nutri centre

Vitamin D - an emulsified lotion - one drop a day

Seriously - I was rattling! It ended up being about 30 - 45 tablets a day (including the Zita West conception vitamins, their antioxidant vitamin boost, and their DHA fish oil tablets (they suggested increasing to 4 a day from stimulation up until egg collection)

With DHEA, as it's a hormone it is best to get your testosterone level checked out first, as if it's too high, you shouldn't take it. Mine was a little low so it was fine.

All of the other supplements were recommended by my nutritionist at ZW - whose to say whether they did anything, and I certainly had to forgo usual treats as the cost really mounted, but looking back, perhaps they had an effect on my egg quality and quantity as I was taking them from Jan through to March.

DH was also on the ZW male vits and booster vits as well as the DHA.

Only other thing I can think of that I did was to have acupuncture and occasional reflexology.

Now - is anyone watching The Voice or The Bridge?? This cr*ppy weather we've ben having has turned me in to a total home bird but at the moment it seems to be just me that's watching them! Love to you all. Safe trip back Wee and I'll PM you if I think of anything else.
xxx


----------



## weeguapa

thank you so much catB! you are an absolute star  x


----------



## weeguapa

Ps...CatB, how much maca did/do you take? My DH has been taking it for two years and we credit the maca with getting his sperm count from less than a million to almost 20 million.  Never thought about me taking it though, but we have loads so I might give it a try!  Also, do you just have the regular apimist honey, or one of the 'plus' ones?

Thank you so much for sharing all your expert knowledge and taking the time to look for links and other info. I really, really appreciate it 

Lots of love to all x


----------



## CatB

Weeguapa - my pleasure - and wow on your husband's swimmers!  That's incredible!  I took 4 capsules a day and with the apimist honey, I just ordered the regular one and found out after I'd ordered 6 jars about the 'plus' ones. The ZW nutritionist recommended just the regular one though.

Enjoy the rest of your trip and look forward to a proper update from you when you're back!   xxx


----------



## XXDDxx

Hi girls.
Just wondering if anyone is still waiting on there period? Mine is 7 days late . Xxxx


----------



## weeguapa

Hi XxDONNAXX.... How are you honey? I am having a bitmof a crazy cycle this month. I'm on day 32 and no signs of AF being on her way. I do have irregular cycles and can go up to day 42, but I also didn't get any clear signs of ovulating this month, which I almost always do (CM). I think it's just coming off the drugs...I seem to remember this happening before - I think the cyclogest is to blame. What are you thinking might be going on for you? CatB is proof that those FF miracles can happen...!

Lots of love to everyone else! x


----------



## XXDDxx

Weeguapa hello.
I'm not sure must be the drugs I think. I can't be preg as we haven't had sex since our failed cycle oppss! Just had so much to deal with.
My doc done a urine sample on Friday but won't get the results until tue, I'm certain it will be neg. It won't do me any harm having a late period will it? Xxxxx


----------



## weeguapa

XXDONNAXX - it definitely won't do you any harm, I'm sure. I think it's just your body getting back on track after all the crazy drugs, especially after a full cycle of ICSI/IVF...mine was only an FET and I've still been affected. I do know that, with me, the more worried I am and the more I stress about AF being late (or not having surged mid-cycle) then it seems to delay things even further! So I guess my advice is to try not to worry and trust your body will do its thing when it's ready.  What are your plans for Tx now?  Big hug xx


----------



## XXDDxx

Weeguapa.
We have our follow up on friday but don't think we will be allowed to egg share again. 

My mum is fighting her wee heart out trying to get our funding transferred to glasgow bless her. I'm about to start night shift so will try save all our money incase we need to fund ivf. How are u getting on hunni? Xxxx


----------



## DizzySunshine

Hey Donna and WeeG, 

I'm late too - was due on Friday and as of right now, still no signs... I too think it's the drugs and have done a HPT to double check that there isn't an exciting miricle waiting to be discovered... it wasn't... THink it's just a case of wait and see and trust that our bodies know what they're doing. 

XXX


----------



## Emma02

Hi ladies, hope you are all ok. Sorry I haven't been on for a while, just trying to get back to a bit of normality after having a miscarriage last month.  

Massive congratulations to Catb, you are an inspiration to us all xxx

I note that a few of you are all still waiting for af to arrive, me too!! I started bleeding on 4th April, so not sure when I should be expecting af as it was a miscarriage. I am effectively one week late now, but too scared to do a hpt! What do you guys think? Xx


----------



## weeguapa

hi lovely ladies!
how are you all?  i am back in the UK, bit jet-lagged and very chilly, with an empty bank account, but it was worth it   


Emma02 - so lovely to 'see' you!  welcome back    hope you are finding some of that normality, even if that naughty AF is messing with you.  mine still hasn't arrived.  i am not going to test as am scared of HPTs even when there is actually a chance of a BFP.  i guess it just depends on how you think it might feel if it was a BFN...  good luck if you do decide to test.  what will your next steps be Tx wise?


Dizzy - sorry to hear you're also playing the absent AF game.  hope she shows up soon.  will you start more Tx this cycle?  are you going to be down-regging?


XXDONNAXX - good luck for your appointment on Friday.  have you got lots of questions to ask?  i found an amazing list on here of recommended questions for a first appointment and took those and adapted them slightly.  i found it really helpful to have them in front of me for my follow up. i hope you manage to get your funding transferred to Glasgow.  i can imagine it will be endlessly complicated though - did you previously have funding in England or elsewhere in Scotland?  maybe see you in the GRI waiting room one day...hopefully when we are both there for baby scans   


CatB - HELP!!! just took my first teaspoon of apimist honey and it made me gag    i don't like honey anyway, but oh my goodness it was horrible!!  is it normally so solid and kinda grainy?!  i had to chew it...bleurgh!!  any suggestions for how to make it go down easier?!  i have stolen a tub of my DH's maca so will give that a try too.  he takes 3 tablets a day.  well, he's supposed to, but it doesn't seem to run out quick enough for that to be true   


AFM - apart from the honey horror, i am doing ok.  supposed to have a screening appointment next week, but DH is away.  i am going to go along anyway and hopefully they can just catch up with his at some point. or he could go to our GP when he's back home.  fingers crossed that will be ok.  i read on the clinic board on here that one lady was told she couldn't start Tx in july because they were closing for a refurb.  that made me want to    because that's when we were hoping to start.  but at least i am prepared for a disappointment if that is definitely the case.  they could do with a refurb...!


hope the sun is shining wherever you are   
lots of love xx


----------



## weeguapa

Just a little message to say hello!  How are all my favourite ladies?! I miss your stories!...


I'm just back from my screening appointment at the NHS clinic and am feeling so positive about getting started with Tx there. So I wanted to share that with you all! I probably won't be able to start for another couple of months, but I got a really good feel about it all - the nurse was so lovely and even managed to get blood out me without a hassle, which very rarely happens!!


Not sure if I already mentioned this, but about a month ago, after my 7th BFN, I wrote a 4 page letter to the private clinic to feed back about my experiences. Most of the letter was really positive and full of thanks for the support from the nurses, counsellor and our second consultant. I tried to be constructive with the rest, but not sure if it just came across as desperate! Anyways...I have been asked to go in and meet with the hospital operations manager, hospital director, head nurse and embryologist next week.  What do you guys think about that?? Is it right that I am scared? Do you think they'll be very defensive? I am glad they want to hear my views, but feel a bit outnumbered!


Not much else is new with me...  Two friends announced their pregnancies this month and it hurt me to breathe    That bit just doesn't get any easier does it??  


To end on a positive note....today I managed to get some Olympic gymnastics tickets and I am soooooo excited! I was a gymnast growing up and have been to world and European championships (to watch!!) and going to the Olympics has been a dream for so long


----------



## weeguapa

Freakin' iPad...
Love you all!!!!! Xx


----------



## butterfeena

Hi Ladies

Am still lurking. Hi to you all and glad to hear you had a good holiday weeguapa. I'm also still waiting on AF after the mc, should have been due yesterday so we'll see.

Cue long post about me:
Still carrying around this aching leaden sadness that I can't shake. Its been a month now since the m/c and in many ways feels like an age, and that the two weeks where I knew i was pg were a dream. We've been to two clinic open evenings - very different experiences which have left me no closer really to making a decision, though one of the clinics is right by the one I just cycled with which makes me feel a bit uneasy. I took my mum to Venice last weekend with my sister for her 70th bday - they both know my situation and kept saying ' are you not drinking, are you sure you don't want a drink' which I found really hurtful - they know exactly why I'm not drinking still and every time they said it it felt like someone shouting in my face 'you're not pregnant you know, so you can drink now' - as if that's a good thing. Out for a posh meal on my mum's bday evening and they did it again and I broke down in tears - they were apologetic and said they're desperate to help me but don't know what to say. I can understand this but still feel they should have understood not to keep banging on about drinking. The next day I got a voicemail from the clinic I was hoping to cycle with (had sent in an application form with medical history etc) saying they couldn't accept us due to me only having one functioning kidney and a history of bladder infections. Massive crying fit during open air lunch in Venice - just awful. This is a clinic that women go to when they've tried everywhere else, it has the best success rate in London and does extensive immune testing which I think I need - and I can't even get a foot in the door due to something that happened when I was 2 years old. Still trying to speak to the doctor and explain this is past history  but we have missed each other all week - have an uncomfortable suspicion I'm being weaned out due to the low fertilisation on my last cycle (though the message said it was due to risk of infection and that they are not a hospital - think this is rubbish cos any bladder/kidney infection doesn't come on immediately and you would just go to the nearest hospital anyway). 
Just feeling like nothing is going my way. New long term contract which would have secured money for 6 months felt through as I'm too busy in June and July, all my reflexology clients have disappeared since I took 2 weeks off (and I'm paying rent on this), sodding blocked drains going to cost me £200, boyfriend's VISA application got sent back in error so he's currently in limbo as its expired and my lovely reflex client who I treated pre third IVF attempt just texted to say she had zero fertilisation for the third time (which worries me about myself even more). I'm a persevering person but come on universe, give us all a break, we're good people. I know that these are separate issues entirely and that seeing them as a chain of mounting events is not helpful but it's hard when you're dragging yourself through each day eh. Still fairly hermit-like existence - not going out much at all and avoiding q a lot of my friends.

Anyway apols for mammoth post, it's been a while so lot to catch up on!

Love and luck to you all.


----------



## DizzySunshine

Butterfena, 

It sounds like you're really going through the mill at the moment; I just wish there was something I could say to make it all better, but we all know that no words in the world can help at times like these, so I hope that a few            will help. 

I also had a really rubbish fertalisation rate on my last TX - 32 eggs collected, 20 injected and only one fertalised - and my doctors dont really know why it happened, which is the biggest frustation ever... Going into this new TX - I start DR today   - I am really concerned about the fertalisation rate again; I'm not sure how I'll cope with such terrible results again... The one thing I will say is that I also have a history of Kidney infections and scarring on both Kidneys, resulting in impared function and just after the TX had failed I ended up with a really bad Kidney infection etc. However, the interesting thing is that the Embryologist saw a low-grade infection in the Sperm, which she said was nothing to worry about and wouldn't affect anything. However, my husband ended up in Hospital about a Month after our TX with a raging Kidney infection that also ended up being pretty much everywhere it was so bad - it took 5 days of IV antibiotics and a 10 day course of Oral antibiotics to get rid of it. So, part of me wonders if really the low grade infection - which the consultants in the ER said probably was the start of this really bad infection that landed him in hospital - did scupper our chances. My one hope is that this is what happened and next time we'll get a better result... 

So, maybe, just maybe, it could be a similar situation for you?? If you're prone to infections - kidney or otherwise - and then pick up even a small one on TX then maybe it affects the fertalisation outcome... Clearly this is just a random thought that I've been formulating, but I am going to chat to my Infertility Consultant about it and will let you know what happens, if you'd like me too of course. 

Apart from that - I just really hope that you're finding some comfort at the moement, and that you're giving yourself the time and space to greive for what could have been... Don't give up hope - please... I wrote the following to WeeGupa a while back, and I'm sorry for duplicating, but I think that maybe the words were meant to be for you too - 

xxxx

  
It sounds silly, but I started writing a diary of sorts, but to my unborn child – I find that it is helping me sort through my hopes, dreams and emotions and enabling me to leave them on the page, so that I can walk on through life lighter, freer and more hopeful for the untold possibilities of the future... I know that I am probably just a hopeless dreamer at heart, but I like feeling that I know – beyond the shadow that doubt casts– that my child is out there and is just waiting for the most perfect, the wonderful moment to come into being... we just have to wait, with patience and hope, for our time... We were born to be mummy’s and I am convinced that one day – just around the corner – our dreams will come, finally, to life.


----------



## XXDDxx

Dizzy I also suffer from kindey infections but iv not had any for a few years now.
My friend also started a diary and scrap book and she feels it really helps her.

Well good news from me girls..... We got our funding transferred to the royal in glasgow . I'm just waiting on my consultation. Don't think I will have to wait long as I'm on the area waiting list rather than the hospital and there is no one in my area having tx there at the moment. 


Hope everyone is well. I'm on nightshift at the moment so feel like I'm on a different planet to everyone else. Xxxxx


----------



## weeguapa

Hello lovely ladies  how are you all?? i am sorry for being a little AWOL. i have been thinking about you all though, every day. 
butterfeena  i was so happy to see your message pop up, but then so sad to read how tough things have been for you. people always seem to think that a little break away is 'good for you', 'just what you need', 'healing...relaxing...blah blah blah' when in actual fact it just creates new pressures for how we should be acting, feeling and thinking  i was so angry to read about the response from that clinic too  what a load of nonsense! i suppose it might help make your decision about where to go a bit easier though...have you made any plans? i think you're amazing for doing such a caring job, especially helping other people on a fertility journey. do you get any treatments yourself? i hope the money worries don't last too long. and finally i just want to echo a big, loud WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE!! because i think it can be easy to forget that on this bumpy road. take care of yourself and you be a hermit for as long as you need to  
lovely dizzy!! how are you how was your DR injection?! was it prostap? hope you've not had any nasty side effects. have you been on it before? so many questions!! so exciting that one of our little group is setting off on the roller coaster again! you are so brave  i think your kidney infection theory is totally logical and plausible. are you taking any supplements or anything (not that i have any idea if there's anything out there that can help!)? hope you're looking after yourself and your DH is much better too. i miss your pics....please draw me something soon  
XXDONNAXX - how are you my lovely? great news about the GRI! i've been for 3 appointments there now (as well as a few others in a previous life....at the start of the long waiting list process). the staff there are so lovely. do you know which consultant you will be seeing? please PM me if you have any questions. hope you don't have too long to wait!hope everyone else is doing ok! including our lovely ladies with bumps (or bumps to be) - Julie and CatB, how are you?? 
Annan1975 - how is life in the desert?!
Fizzwizz and anyone else i have forgotten, how are you all doing? please post an update when you can! 
AFM - wow...where do i start?! i feel like i have so much news for you all! i have had 3 appointments at the NHS hospital. both were really good and gave me lots of hope. we are good to go with Tx and they are just waiting for me to phone on day 1. they are closed for 2 weeks in july which meant a wait until august, but then something amazing happened (no, not pregnant!). i had written a big long letter of feedback to the private clinic, purely as a therapeutic experience for me. i needed to write it all down, the good and the bad (and it honestly was mostly really positive). anyways, they asked to meet with me and i went along and spoke to the hospital director, ACS operations manager, head nurse person and an embryologist. and they asked lots of questions and at the end of it all, offered me another round of ICSI at no cost  can you believe it?!?! i still can't. just so overwhelmed about it all. so hopefully we will be able to cycle with them again in July and if we still don't have any success, then we have our NHS attempts as a back up. our consultant has been really good at putting together a very individualised programme for me, so that i hopefully don't overstimulate again and we can have our longed-for fresh transfer  
i have loads more news for you, including some serious issues at work, but i will save them for another day and end on a happy, hopeful note.

lots and lots of love and baby dust to you all  x  x  x  x


----------



## Fizzwizz

Hi Ladies,

Just a quick update as I'm at work (apologies for no personals!)

Basically my heart is still broken and the only way I have been able to carry on is to research every possible avenue going...adoption/fostering/surrogacy.

Basically we will not be accepted to adopt or foster unless we agree to give up any hope of having our own child and then wait a year having stopped treatment to apply! Since so many children need families to love them and we want to adopt even if we have children of our own I personally think this is crazy!

My husband seems very keen on surogacy but to watch someone else carry my baby....not sure i'm ready to give that up to someone else just yet.

So basically we are ploughing ahead with FET. I am so not ready, still very emotional about the MC and know realistically I should give myself more time in case it fails, as right now well I don't know how I would cope. BUT I am worried time is runing out, plus I don't have any childless friends or family left now and its killing me - no one understands! So I am pushing myself into it regardless!

ET date 8th June! Wish me luck!

Love to you all!

Fizzwizz.


----------



## butterfeena

Hi All,
Fizzwhizz, totally understand where you are. But you're still pretty young in fertility terms and would suggest you could afford to wait for your FET until you feel you're in a better place. And its good that you have some frozen fertilised eggs to use. Wishing you the very best of luck with it. It may be an idea to see a hypnotherapist or acupuncturist to help balance body and mind throughout this cycle.

Weeguapa - so delighted to hear your feedback gleaned a well deserved reward - that's brilliant, and hopefully your feedback will help them implement changes for the future that make the treatment better for other ladies in the future. It's making me wonder if its worth me writing to my last clinic officially (we complained in person) about the hideous appointment I did during m/c.

Dizzy - that's interesting re kidney infections and possible link with fertilisation rate, thanks so much for posting that. Have you been given any guidance on reasons for low fert rate since? I actually haven't had a kidney infection since a toddler - and even then not sure that's what it was though now we know I have one non functioning kidney the symptoms during my toddlerhood (word) seem to fit. Thanks also for the suggestion re diary, not sure I can bring myself to do that, but know that I need some sort of outlet whether its exercise, therapy, holiday - just something cos I feel I'm in a cul de sac of leadenness at the moment.

Hi to Donna, Bluesbird, Emma and CatB - hope everyone has had a good long weekend and managed to avoid the rain.

AFM - Still haven't managed to speak to ARGC and losing the will with it - almost as if I'm not meant to go there. Had a consultation at another clinic which went well though we remain unexplained and not much to offer in terms of increasing fertilisation rate other than closer monitoring during stimms (which they do anyway) and IMSI - have any of you done this? I'm still not drinking any alcohol or caffeine which makes life SO DULL - especially this weekend. Looking at starting a monitoring cycle this month and then new cycle in July but not feeling very ready for it. Still very down, struggling etc but at the same time want to take some positive action to move forward. Any advice much appreciated.

Big mwah
xxx


----------



## weeguapa

just had a moment of really missing you all so wanted to say hello!  will have to make time to write a proper update, but just wanted to say i was thinking of you all.  how are things going??
lots of love xx


----------



## weeguapa

Hey beautiful ladies!

Is anyone else still reading this thread?! Hope you're all doing ok...I really miss hearing from you!

Are any of you back on the treatment roller coaster?? I started stimms last night for ICSI number 3. It had been a stressful few days not knowing if we would have time to cycle before a trip to London for the Olympics.  Freakin' AF stubbornly refused to show up on time, so after years of begging, pleading and bargaining for AF not to arrive, I had to do the opposite....totally messed with my head!

I'm feeling tentative excitement to be making eggs again, although am lonely without the support of you guys....I know I won't ever find another set of cycle buddies like you. Although am just very grateful for the strength you gave me back in march/April, cos I am still carrying that with me onto this new cycle.

Thinking of you and hope all's well!
Jess x


----------



## weeguapa

Ps... I've just seen posts from butterfeena and fizzwhizz.....for some reason this didn't show up before....I'm sure it's my stupid iPad! I'm so sorry for not acknowledging your posts before!

Fizzwhizz - did you make it to ET?? How are you??  Please send an update if you feel able to...

Butterfeena - now did your monitoring cycle go? Are you on to a 'real' cycle now?? Hope it's all going well.

Lots of love to everyone else too xx


----------



## DizzySunshine

Helly Lovely Ones... 

Just wanted to let you know that our 2nd cycle has been cancelled as I failed to Down Regulate... Back to the waiting game now - need AF, then can start DR on day 21 again... Gutted! 

WeeGuapa - keeping everything crossed for you lovely one... keep me updated! 

Everyone Else - really hope that things are going well and that you're keeping sane, happy and well! 

Big Love, Baby Dust and PMA to you all, 

Dizzy xxx


----------



## butterfeena

Hi ladies

in haste as need to get dressed and off to work. Good luck weeguapa with your new cycle and to dizzy hope your af arrives soon and you can get going again. AFM I'll be starting a new cycle next month, DR from early August assuming AF shows up. Tests have all come back ok, 3d scan all good with no scarring from polyps removal and AMH came back at 20 (previously 13.6) - no idea why maybe its the royal jelly and co enzyme q10. For anyone cycling now/soon, maybe I'll see you on the other threads once I get going.

Love to you all.

xxx


----------



## weeguapa

hi ladies,
hope you're all doing well at whatever stage you're at in this crazy baby-making journey.  i would honestly love to hear how you're all doing.


dizzy - how goes the sniffing my super friend?!


butterfeena - so lovely to hear from you!  are you almost ready for DR now?  how are you feeling about it all?  great news on your AMH - mine went up too and I have no idea how or why!  just glad it happened.  have you been advised whether or not to continue the royal jelly once you're cycling?  i stopped mine when i started stimming cos i wasn't sure if it was ok to keep taking it...


catB & julie37 - if you're still reading this thread, i hope you're both keeping well.  


annan1975 - i was thinking of you at a wedding filled with dubai folk last weekend.  hope you're well.


emma02 - how are you getting on?


fizzwizz - any news from your FET?


XXDONNAXX - will you join me in a sun dance - i think we're due some north of the border?!


lots of hugs to anyone i've missed.


AFM - just wanted to send you all a wee update - my stimms went to plan and i had EC yesterday - 17 retrieved, 13 mature and 12 fertilised.  A big improvement on 37 and a freeze all.  i am waiting to hear tomorrow whether we're going for a 3DT or holding out for a blastocyst transfer on Monday.  i should make it to the olympics after all, but am a bit worried about flying on the same day as ET - have any of you been advised otherwise by your clinics?  mine said it "should" be fine, but i don't want to do anything to jeopardise this!


lots of love and babydust to you all! xx


----------



## Emma02

Hello all

I haven't been on this website for a little while.

Thanks for remembering me weeguapa, so sweet of you.  Good luck with ET, please keep us dated.

AFM - I am having FET on Tuesday and am feeling a little nervous!

Best of luck to everyone and will respond to everyone once I have had a chance of reading through the posts that I have missed. Xxx


----------



## XXDDxx

Weegupa.
We are defo due some sun!!!! Hopefully it will come when I'm on hol.
I wouldn't worry about flying, so many people do it when they have had TX abroad? And iv heard of so many people going on holiday for there 2ww.
Hope u get to blast hunni.
Afm I have an NHS app on mon the 20th of Aug, not holding my breath so been working nightshift the last few months and saving the pennys. Good new for us, my dps family farm is going up for sale so we will have the money to go private and for our wedding next year hopefully . Seems like everything is coming together. When our tx failed I felt like it was the end of the workd for us but just shows things can change.

To every1 else hoppe u are all well. Sorry iv not kept up to date, as I said iv been on nightshift and feel like iv been on a different planet to everyone else. Take care and good luck where ever u are ladies. Xxxxxxxxx


----------



## weeguapa

Just a very quick message to let you know I am now PUPO with 2 embryos  I already miss being in a 2ww group with all of you!
Hope you're all having a happy Olympic weekend  xx


----------



## XXDDxx

Good luck weeguapa xxxxx


----------



## butterfeena

Very exciting weeguapa! Good luck, I've got a good feeling about this for you.

xxx


----------



## Emma02

Can I join you Weeguapa. Had FET yesterday, one embie transferred, so now in the 2WW. My test date is 10th August, when is yours Hun? Xx


----------



## weeguapa

hello lovely ladies!
so good to see some action on here   


Emma02 - many, many congratulations on being PUPO!!  how are you finding the 2ww so far?!  my OTD is the day before yours - 9th Aug.  every time i think about it i feel ill though, so i am trying to pretend it's not gonna happen!  hope you're doing ok.  are you working at the mo?


butterfeena - thank you so much for telling me about your good feeling...it means so much! hope you're doing ok x


XXDONNAXX  - thank you for the good wishes!  not long til your appointment on 20th now!  things seem to be really moving along for you, which is great.  i hope you get on ok at the GRI...let me know how it goes!


lots of love to everyone else xxx


AFM - i am doing ok in my 8th(!!!) 2ww.  i think i am calmer and more balanced than i have ever been before.  i did make it to london for 2 days of olympics, but managed to take it really easy.  it's a weird transition to have to make myself walk slowly and take my time, especially in the rush of london!  but i think i managed it.  i am really hoping my 2 embryos have stuck this time and that i can keep calm even when i have to return to work next week    just realised OTD is a week today    terrified! xx


----------



## butterfeena

Good luck Weeguapa, sounds like you're doing all the right things. My first day on drugs today, different from last cycle as new clinic, started on Primolut today


----------



## abbey_elizabeth88

Hello ladies, anyone remember me?? Lol xxxx


----------



## weeguapa

hi ladies!

butterfeena - how go the drugs?  hope you're doing ok and not having any nasty side effects.

abbey_elizabeth88 - so lovely to see you back on here.  any treatment updates??

Emma02 - how is your 2ww

hope everyone else is doing ok.  i am surviving my 8th 2ww.  i was doing quite well til friday when water came flooding through my living room ceiling!!  it's been a bit of a nightmare since then and I have been bleeding since yesterday (red yesterday, brown today, sorry for TMI).  i am trying to stay hopeful but it's hard....i am only 10dp3dt so seems to early for AF, plus i don't normally bleed on cyclogest.  although did have some brown spotting last time and it was a BFN.  this is just utter torture!  my OTD is thurs but i can't get away from work to get to clinic so will probably wait for a blood test on fri.  the thought of POAS is too terrifying...i am such a wuss!

i have started writing a blog which has helped a bit with the craziness.  there should be a link below if you're really bored!!  thanks for sticking with me through this my lovely FFs.  i really appreciate it xx


----------



## butterfeena

HI all

Abbey-elizabeth88 of course we remember you! How are things?

Weeguapa - good luck for today - really hope you get that HCG/double line you so deserve. Will be thinking of you and let us know!     

My drugs regime is really different to my last cycle. Currently on Primolut tablets since 2 Aug (finishing those on Mon) and then Suprefact nasal spray (started yesterday) and TONS of other drugs to come, really quite daunting and hope I remember what to take when. Also continuing on with Royal Jelly and Co-Enzyme Q10, Vit D and Pregnacare so rattling and gonna become a major pin cushion soon but if it works it won't matter.

Also got a new job! Decided that the freelance life along with what's happened personally this year was all too much uncertainty so will be starting a full time job in October. Currently trying to work out when to start and would like a break pre starting that doesn't involve IVF. Wondering whether to take 2ww off work too - did any of you do that and how was it?

Love to everyone.
x


----------



## weeguapa

Hi ladies,


Hope you're all doing ok.  Well this is the post I never thought I would ever write....I did a test at the clinic last Thursday and it was positive! I am still in total shock and am absolutely terrified! I still don't have any symptoms so am finding it hard to believe it has actually worked.  My first scan feels like a million years away, so I hope I make it there with a little bit of sanity left    Thank you, as always, for holding my hand throughout all of this. When people ask me how I cope with this journey, I often try to tell them about all of you, but it's just so hard to put into words how much you help me.


Butterfeena - how are you feeling on the crazy drugs?! I had to write a list of what to take and when after I forgot to do a cetrotide injection!! And I still wake up in a panic most nights thinking I have forgotten something! Congratulations on your new job!! That's really exciting! And I think a break before starting sounds like a very good idea. In terms of 2wws - I have worked through some and taken some off. Working can be good cos it keeps your mind off things and if you have lovely, supportive colleagues (even if they don't know what's going on), it can really help - just seeing friendly faces each day. Unfortunately I have an evil line manager who found out about my Tx and has used it against me in a variety of twisted ways, so I just felt safer being away from work this time. It worked out well with all the Olympics action to watch, so I didn't get too bored.  How are you finding your new clinic?


I really hope everyone else is doing ok and that this little post just shouts out the message dont give up!! It took 8 attempts and now I know I can get a BFP. Whatever happens from here, at least I know that much!


As always, lots and lots of love xx


----------



## Emma02

OMG Weeguapa that is absolutely fantastic news, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I am soooooo happy for you, you really deserve this happiness!! 

Our OTD was on Friday 10th and we also had a BFP, still can't quite believe it ourselves, just counting down the days, hours, minutes until our scan on 24th August. When is your scan date?

Hope everyone else is doing ok?

Abbey-elizabeth of course we remember you, it is lovely to keep in touch, even tho I don't post on here often.

Love to you all...

Emma xxxx


----------



## weeguapa

oh emma02 I'm so pleased for you!!! congratulations!! my scan date is 27th...seems soooo far away! hope you're ok!! x


----------



## abbey_elizabeth88

Nice you remember me still. I am struggling.

I'm on metformin and now the pill for 1 month before next icsi.

My treatment / drugs haven't changed at all and so I'm afraid il only get 1 egg if that again.

Surrounded by pregnancies and all the excitements... I'm going to make my first counciling appt today as I need support. X


----------



## butterfeena

WEEGUAPA - SUCH FANTASTIC NEWS - told you I had a good feeling about this one for you. And I love the fact this cycle came as a result of the letter you wrote the clinic which will hopefully help them improve the treatment for other ladies like us. I'm so so pleased for you and hope its all goes well from here on in.
Emma02 - congrats to you too of course. Abbey-Elizabeth, maybe you'll make it three in a row?

AFM a rough day, baseline scan this am which showed two cysts on right ovary, one of which is big at 4cm. Have to go back on Monday for another scan but likely the treatment will be cancelled. Really struggling to get off the sofa as so beaten down by all of this.


----------



## abbey_elizabeth88

Thank you all for remembering me.

Updates is on pill again, got baseline scan 13th sept, if all ok it's on with stimulation.
Quite wary this time as my follicules didn't do a great deal. I was on 112.5iu gonal f, it's now 150iu, (still pretty low dose) but they refuse to go higher as I will go cyst mad! Also been on metformin for 3 months.

So sorry to hear this Hun, bloody cysts. I share your frustration. Why do they grow why can't they stop them? Forget space travel and putting robots on the moon and work out cures for things!! Xxx


----------



## weeguapa

Just a little message to wish all you amazing ladies a wonderful Christmas. I am thinking of you all and hope 2013 is the year your dreams come true xx


----------



## butterfeena

Thanks weeguapa. x


----------



## weeguapa

hi lovely ladies,
not sure if any of you still visit the site or read this thread. I hope you still get some kind of email alert so you know I have posted. I wish with everything I have that I was writing good news, something to inspire you all and remind you not to give up. but sadly after a perfect pregnancy (I honestly had to issues or worries at all) my baby girl died during labour on 16th April. They think it was a problem with the cord getting trapped, but we might never know. She was absolutely beautiful and we named her Maeve.

Thinking about trying again is keeping us going at the moment. I am terrified Maeve was our one shot, our only miracle, but I suppose we just need to keep going and trying to make her a sibling.

I would love to hear from you all, whether you're still on this roller coaster or not. I will never forget the support you have me last year.

weeguapa x


----------



## Clarissafallon

Weeguapa, I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious daughter, Maeve.

You don't know me, but in March of last year I was going through IVF for the first time.  I never contributed to the forum, but gained great support and knowledge from you and the others who were cycling together.  I was saddened when you got a bfn, and then so very pleased when I later read that you had been successful in your next go.

There are no words that can make this any easier for you and your husband.  I hope that time will eventually ease the pain of your loss and you are blessed with another child in the near future.  You truely deserve to receive another miracle, and to get lots of peace and happiness in the future.

Take care and know that you are in our thoughts.


----------

