# Almost at panel! Nerves kicking in



## Jess75 (Nov 4, 2005)

We have been on the adoption roller coaster since may 2012 and its all done. We have read the par, it's amazing, sw is coming tomorrow for us to sign it. She is not worried, no problems raised during home study, so why am i so nervous?

I just can't get out of me head that the future of our family lies in the hands of 8-12 people who have never even met us. What if they say no? What if we dry up and can't answer their questions? Sw just says be yourself and you will be fine. Aghhhh!!! Am so nervous. What do we wear? What will they ask? All this work lies at the judgement over half an hour with people who don't know us other that what they read on the par - is it enough? Tell me it's not as scary as I am imagining?


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

its daunting but its actually not that bad in the end..they are usually really nice people who put you at ease. 
they wouldnt be taking you to panel if they didnt think you were going to get through
   


kj x


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## Jess75 (Nov 4, 2005)

I needed to hear that thank you


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

I felt exactly the same but panel were lovely and just as I relaxed it was all over! Our bit was all of 5 mins, after all the build up I really was thinking 'is that it?!!' It was a positive experience and while this won't stop the nerves I hope that it is a little reassurance that all will be just fine


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

Hi I know the feeling, how long until panel?
We go in just under 4wks and my whole panic and nerves have really set in!! I can't even talk about panel with my hubby without feeling sick with nerves. Even though like you our SW has said she has no worries about us at panel and I know she wouldn't take us if she still thought we weren't ready.


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Hi! We have about 6 weeks until we're due to go to panel. Not seen our PAR as yet as SW is still writing the last bits up.

From what I've been told, your SW won't even take you to panel if they don't think you'll get approved. It's only if something extreme comes up with panel, or if they feel something is missing that it won't be a yes. Normally it's a deferral while the missing parts are filled in. It's the SW's job to make sure you go to panel to be approved. That's why the HS is so in depth, they have to make sure there are no surprises!


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

My biggest worry at the moment is our panel date being delayed as we have sped through everything im worried the report isn't going to be in on time. We know our SW is cutting it fine with dates etc. x


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## Smudgey (Mar 13, 2012)

I know how you all feel ! We go to panel 12 th sept , having one more SW visit prior to that to go through stuff and explain what happens etc ! Scary stuff ! Xx


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## newmum (Jan 22, 2011)

Jess75 wanted to wish you good luck you will be fine   I was nervous and so was DH but sorry to sound cliche but just be yourself. 

I treated myself to having my hair done, and wore jeggings and tunic top, wanted to look the kind of Mum that will play with the kids and get stuck in.

We got asked what we will do with LO, how we found the process, how we cope in stress, how will DH be (he works nights) how SS are about the changes? How will we cope financially? What support so we have? 

It was over in about 5-10 mins then we waited outside and told an unanimous yes, I burst into tears and so did SW   wonderful moment 

Good luck to all you ladies with panel soon

Lynsbee our PAR was very last minute and we still don't have a copy! 

You will be just fine   don't worry x


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

Is it just me or is this all getting a bit too real now.
Good luck to you all...not long now until we hear that BIG FAT YES!!!!!! xx


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Good luck ladies, we just got our panel date of 14th November and am going to worry myself sick for the next 11 weeks! Absolutely crapping myself! Xx


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## Smudgey (Mar 13, 2012)

I too don't know what to wear !? What did your Dh's wear !? X


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

Smudgey, I have the same thought every single day!! Normally once I  have gone up to bed I lay there thinking about what to wear to panel. I think there is a thread on here somewhere. Most people say go smart casual goes  as you, something you will feel comfortable in. I have said all that yet I still don't have a clue what I will wear....I have 23 days to decide!!!


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## Jess75 (Nov 4, 2005)

Thanks so much everyone. So my nerves are normal then lol. I just can't believe we have got to this point and there is nothing more we can do to influence the decision. I just want it over with now. Our ds is counting down the sleeps. Our sw has said there is no way we will be turned down but you just never know. It has all gone so smoothly I feel like something has to go wrong somewhere.

Think I will take previous advise and get my hair done. Have planned a tunic/leggings smart casual combo. Just can't help thinking our lo is out there just waiting on us. Hope if we do get approved its not a long wait!

Good luck to each and every one of you off to panel soon. We are on the 10th at 9.30 x


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## Jess75 (Nov 4, 2005)

Forgot to say my sw said I should not wear a suit be smart but casual and most of all be yourself


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

I am panel on 16th. I am planning to wear a dress and long cardigan. Hubby was planning to wear a suit but might rethink this then.


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

For MP, mr C wore some smart jeans and a polo shirt. I wore a tunic dress, leggings and flip flops. Like someone else said on this thread, I wanted to look like I wasn't the type who wouldn't be crawling around on the floor after a child.   

AP, I can't remember, think Mr C was dressed similar to MP...I might have worn cargo pants and a vest and cardigan?


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

We have panel on the 18th sept and am completely petrified too! Only just had the date confirmed by sw as everything left until the last minute which has only added to my panic. Am sure it will be worth all of the stress. Good luck everyone who has panel coming up


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

Just couldn't resist joining in to say dh and are at AP on fri and I soooo want it to be over! I'm not actually really really quaking in my boots as am trying to have faith that we'll get the result we deserve. But I hope I will be more relaxed this time next week! 
Good to hear not alone.
Gettina x


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

gettina said:


> Just couldn't resist joining in to say dh and are at AP on fri and I soooo want it to be over! I'm not actually really really quaking in my boots as am trying to have faith that we'll get the result we deserve. But I hope I will be more relaxed this time next week!
> Good to hear not alone.
> Gettina x


you will be awesome, missis


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## newmum (Jan 22, 2011)

DH wore jeans and smart shirt   good luck x


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Gettina thought you must be up soon.  You'll be amazing I am sure.  X x


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

Hey Sq9 we are at panel on the same day!!!
DH has already said he will wear nice jeans and smart/casual shirt......why can't we have it that easy!! Jeans or smart trousers...no we have to decide between smart trousers, jeans, leggings, jeggings, skirt if its a skirt then skirt length, dress what style of top...the list in endless!! lol.

Jess75 I could of written you post lol. Our SW said the same to us about we wont get turned down...but you  never know on the day! I have also posted not sure if it was on here or another site about everything having gone so smoothly and well so far just waiting for something to go wrong.


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## Mel (Jan 1, 2002)

You are going to be absolutely fine girls, it is daunting when you first go in and see an array of people, but after introductions it is honestly ok and they help you feel at ease, it goes so quickly and you get that 'YES' before you know it.


You really would not be put through all of this if they thought it would be a no, so just be yourselves and think you will all soon have your little ones because they are waiting for their mummy and daddy's to find them.


My hubby wore smart black jeans and a casual shirt and I wore white linen trousers and a black lace top (very hot day), the panel do not dress up for the occasion   




 Good luck to you all


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

I remember wearing smart jeans and a polo shirt, and smart shoes too (no trainers) - anything with a collar for the boys

Panel was fine, I quite enjoyed it even though you could see my nerves as I hate public speaking.

Main questions were; How we found the journey? What we do to relax and will we be able to do that when LO arrives? Who is available nearby for support? and that's pretty much it.

It was over with in less than 10 minutes!


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

Well got my letter with time for panel. So official now 16th September. Nearly there and starting to feel excited


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## Jess75 (Nov 4, 2005)

We are there on the 10th but not had any letter. Should I have one by now?


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## newmum (Jan 22, 2011)

Don't think we even got a letter


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Hi All..just wanted to say good luck to you all, but you are unlikely to need it, I coordinate Adoption Panels and often sit on them as part of this role, Panel may look scary but most have some experience of Adoption either through Adopting themselves, or by being Adopted, they are not there to try and catch you out x 

Smart casual is best as if you go in a suit you may just feel hot and uncomfortable! But I have never seen anyone be judged by what they are wearing! 

The girls are right in saying by the time you get to Panel the hardest bit is done as you wouldn't be there if your social worker was not in favour of you Adopting! Panel is a chance to bring loose ends together, there is an awful lot of analysis in a PAR and every panel member will read it cover to cover! And will bring their own questions to Panel which are discussed prior to a Prospective Adopter entering, so for example a medical query can be resolved with the Medical Adviser at Panel, therefore hopefully there won't be many questions to put to you! 

My advice...relax as much as possible, and make it clear that you have the best interests of the child at heart, think of your support networks (common question), how you see your life changing with an Adoptive child, snap up any training going and make links with experienced Adopters if you can and/or support groups...and don't be afraid to ask questions too! Or afraid to ask for help afterwards if you need it! That is what they are there for xx  

There are occasional deferrals but they are few and far between and the applicant would usually have an inkling of it before panel as there would be an outstanding query, e.g. Criminal records disclosure etc ...so relax and look forward to being a Mummy and Daddy!  And remember to give feedback to panel afterwards about how it was for you...I.e. did they give you a glass of water, did they introduce themselves and make you feel relaxed (as you possibly can be), were you able to park? Did you feel the questions asked were appropriate?  Any feedback helps to improve things. Xx


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

Wouldloveababycat ~ THANK YOU!!! 

Jess75 ~ We were told we would get a letter but maybe a week or even just a few days before panel with a list of names of the people who should be on the panel that day and the time. Our SW said she will let us know the time as soon as she does as the time slots normally get rearranged a few times before the day!


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## Smudgey (Mar 13, 2012)

We are at panel on 12 th sept and we have a SW visit on 9th and got a confirmation email yesterday with the time and place on it but no letter ?


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Hi ladies


Don't panic about the letter, we got ours on the day of panel   . It just gives you the time and address so as long as you have those you are fine.  Good luck but as the posts have said before you won't need it


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

We are at matching panel the same day as you smudgey! For approval we only got the letter the week before, and nothing yet for matching. Just butterflies


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## Jess75 (Nov 4, 2005)

My letter came today!!!


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

Just updating to let you know we got a yes at panel this morning and I thought I'd jot down our questions for you but firstly it was fine and felt supportive. Us and our sw went in together. They said she had done a good job of our report so they didn't have many questions, but they would ask us a few.
What did we think of prep? What did we learn from our voluntary work with children? What did we what in our child? (Urgh, cue the worst waffle!) how would dh cope with working from home with a child in the house? That was it i think. We didn't really answer them v well but it didn't matter. We got led out into a private waiting room and then got told we were being recommended within a few mins. Our sw was so sweet and hugged us. We are going out for a celebrating lunch later - once our stomachs have unclenched and stopped swirling!!! Now for the exciting bit - in due course.....
A very relieved Gettina
X


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

congratulations, here's to a quick match.


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## Jess75 (Nov 4, 2005)

Oh that is fantastic news congratulation. Bet you feel amazing now. Thanks for updating and sharing the questions you were asked. Enjoy your celebrations


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Congrats gettina,hope you get a quick match now xx


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

Congrats Gettina, fingers crossed for a quick match. Good to have an idea of questions.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Brilliant Gettina so pleased have a bit of bubbly to celebrate x


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Congratulations gettina fantastic news


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Well done Gettina, so pleased for you


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

congratulations gettina.  Fabulous news xx


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

Aw shucks you guys,   thank you


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

What a lovely post Gettina!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!


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## Jess75 (Nov 4, 2005)

2 sleeps to go until panel. Aghhhhh. Countdown is on!


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Good luck Jess, although you won't need it will be a massive yes xx

9 weeks on thurs for us xx

Hello to everyone else xx


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

We just got confirmation from our SW and the panel administrator that we will be going to panel in October! 25 days!!!


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Great news jesP    
Good luck for Tuesday jess  
10 more sleeps for us - eek!! I'm excited but also terrified, not just about panel, but about what comes after that.   xx


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

Good luck JesP.

It is 8 more sleeps for us.


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## Jess75 (Nov 4, 2005)

Thanks everyone. 1 sleep!! Can't believe it


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Good luck for tomorrow Jess      

Let us know, we'll be keeping our fingers crossed for you - but you'll be fine, I know it


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## Jess75 (Nov 4, 2005)

I so wish I had your confidence in us x


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

Let us know how you go jes75. Sending positive vibes  
X


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## Smudgey (Mar 13, 2012)

Good luck xxxxx


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## Smudgey (Mar 13, 2012)

Our wedding anniversary tomorrow and we are at panel on Thursday eek ! Social worker came today to go through stuff with us , also said they have an 8 month old pink as a potential link !!!! Omg ! Scary ! Xx


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Smudgey, 8 month old pinks are the best   that's so exciting!! Panel buddies as we are Thursday 12 o'clock! Hopefully it'll be a double celebration for us  

Good luck Jess   You'll be great


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## Smudgey (Mar 13, 2012)

Good luck lolly ! Is this your match panel ? Xx


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

It is   to our 8 month old little pink who is now nearly 10 months!!


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Good luck Lolly and Smudgey too for panels this week, roll on the good news all round xx


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

Good luck you all of you at panel this week.
A week tomorrow for me!


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## Jess75 (Nov 4, 2005)

Just to finish this off we got our bfy!!! Big fat yes! 

Easy for me to say now but I was so worried about panel and there was honestly no need to be. Yes it was formal but they were so nice and welcoming and encouraging. It was over in the blink of an eye and we were taken back in to be told yes. I cried, the social worker cried, it was a wonderful amazing experience that I would do again in a heartbeat.

We were asked....

What did you learn from the process about adoption?

How will your cope when your Ds asks to send their brother or sister back? 

Did the process make you reflect on your own childhood?

I kind of felt they were just trying to pass the time as our sw had done such a amazing job on the par there was no gaps. We were in and out the whole thing in 30minutes. 

Good luck to everyone still to go to panel. Oh and dress code was smart casual for all the panel. I wore leggings and a tunic top with flat pumps. Panel were all in just day to day office wear no formal suits or anything. Relax, take 3 deep breaths and enjoy your moment x


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

Our letter came today...9:45 Wednesday for panel!!!


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## Smudgey (Mar 13, 2012)

Fab news Jess ! We had panel today , and approved woo ! They asked us  .... 
What plans have you in place in case LO is allergic / frightened of the animals ( we have 2xcats , 3xponies and 6 rabbits )
How do you think your lives will change with a LO ?
hat are we most looking forward to ? 
Why have we noted a preference for a girl ? 

They were all really friendly and the chair was soooo nice and came to talk to us for a bit before we went in . 
DH wore a suit with no tie and I wore skinny black jeans wedges a black top and a nice blazer . All the panel were smart / casual . 

Good luck to all who are having panel soon and try not to worry xxx


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

Congrats smudgy.


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Congratulations smudgey.  Hope you've got a short wait to be linked xx


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

Yes from panel for me today. Good luck for wed lynsbee


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

We're now on the final count down to panel. We have 17 days 

Going on a mini holiday this weekend to have some time to our selves.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Massive congratulations Oliver222 great news. 
Enjoy the break Lynsebee x


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## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

Congratulations to those approved!!! X x


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Massive congrats to all approvals and good luck to those going this week xx


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

Great news Oliver222, so pleased for you - 

 tomorrow, Lynsbee, another "Yes" to add to the list, I am sure

So much good news, it's all happening ........


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

Good luck for a lovely panel experience lynsbe.

Wonderful news smudgy.

Hope you are feeling mighty fine Oliver and jes75.

Gettina


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## Smudgey (Mar 13, 2012)

Good luck lynsebe xxx


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

Thanks everyone!
Been up since 4.30. Big mug of coffee it is!


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Good luck lynsbee - hopefully we will be celebrating with you.  I think it's going to be a long morning for me - hubby still dead to the world but I've been wide awake for hours  .  2 and a half hours til we leave


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Hope all has gone well and you're celebrating Lynsee B


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

Hi 
All was fab!!
Big fat YES's all round!! xx


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Amazing, well done! Hope you get a quick match xx

So good to see all the yes's 8 weeks tomorrow for us, can't wait xx


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Woot! Got our confirmation for our panel time on the 3rd. Our social worker is going to meet us just before we go in to discuss what to expect. Very exciting


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## crazyroychick (Aug 21, 2012)

Oh it's all happening on here, so exciting x

JesP, not long at all you getting nervous?

Lynsbee, hope you had a massive celebration x

Our SW was out today, should get PAR to read in 2-3 weeks, team leader coming out to meet us 29th October then green light for panel 14th November       x


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Crazyroychick- not really nervous just excited. Hubby came home today bouncing excitedly which was cute.


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

Fab news on panel day Jes P. I was shaking like a leaf when in there. At one point I picked up my glass of water and was shaking so badly i'm sure I actually heard a round of Awww's lol. I ended up having to put the glass straight down again. But really had nothing to worry about!
Good Luck hun x


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