# 40 and feeling so depressed with negativity



## belladonna (Mar 25, 2005)

Hi ladies,

Went to see my professor in london today, i was so excited about possibly starting treatment again after having an open myomectomy for intramural fibroid. well he said that i have a slim chance with my own eggs now i am 40, and that 2 out of 3 would usually have chromazone abnormalities and therefore a 2-5max % chance of success. however if i had a bottomless pit of money i could go the egg donor route which apparently cost upto £11,000 for one cycle!  but then i wouldn't have the pressure of my age to worry about!!  i can't afford £11,000 to go abroad for treatment.

i have got so many other variables going against me aswell, including a small womb that endo has done its upmost to scar and i am feeling really crappy, i don't know how to give up    

sorry to moan on
donna x x x x


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## Kitty kat (Mar 21, 2006)

Sorry to hear you are feeling negative.  I to went through a similar thing, I didn't have a bottomless pit for endless IVF treatments that were doomed to fail.  I have the uptmost admiration for women well into their 40's trying with their own eggs, but they are better and braver than I am.  At 42 we decided to go abroad and use DE because I wanted the quickest route to a family.

I went to ISIDA in Kiev - I went for an initial consultation, had all the tests etc., and decided that was the place for me.  The hospital is huge, modern and the standards there far higher than the clinic I went to in Harley Street.  I ended up going there three times, my husband and I and altogether we spent around £5,000 and that includes flights and hotels etc.  Having said that women, have made just one visit - ie for transfer.

A couple of posts down, I'm the 43 yesterday and first day home with twins.  Our ISIDA visits resulted in a boy and a girl - 10 days old today.  

Good luck

K


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## belladonna (Mar 25, 2005)

Thank you meerkat and k,

i have tried to calm down a bit. my clinic in london mentioned kiev, i think it must be where they arrange to fly you abroad for the treatment etc and have a joint working approach, but £11,000!

k, how did you go about moving clinics, notes etc, i also have frozen sperm at my clinic, was it difficult to do?

i think i need to reflect a while, both my neighbours are in the back gardens with their babies on blankets, it is doing my head in 

thank you ladies,
donna x x x


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## coconutkym (Dec 9, 2006)

belladonna. i would seriously recommend further investigs b4 u try again. my history is below. i am certain now my infertility is down to automiune problems, ie my immnune system sees embie as a foreign invader and destroys it like a germ.  blood tests for auto immune problems can be done by blood tests for free at GP(see london lou's list on Immunolgy iinvestigations of starting out and diagnosis FF board) Maybe also read "is yr body baby friendly" by dr beer

immune problems are often seen in infertile women and mant infertil women alreadt have immune related diseases like POF PCOS, endo, under active thyroid, rheumatoid arthritis, vitiligo.  so if u alreday  have any of these please get tests done asap! 

if u have antibodies to something this may well mean treatment with steroids, aspirin heparin which could make all the difference to next tx.  thes drugs are v cheap too. 

bet wishes coco

ps wont overcome low odds with older eggs, but might maximise chances with£limited other tx


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## she-hulk (Sep 21, 2006)

Hi Bella

Sorry that you're feeling so low.  It can't be easy especially if you are surrounded by neighbours with babies    Just a couple of things to add from me:

Your eggs could be very good despite your age.  The rate of decline of egg quality differs from woman to woman.  While some 40 year olds may have very good egg quality, some younger women - even in their late 20s may not.

On the immunology front, I just thought I'd point out that this certainly adds ££s to a treatment cycle.  My clinic charges £780 for the initial prolfile of immune blood screening. Should your NK cells be raised, you could require 1 or even 2 rounds of IVIG which costs from £1025.00.  Steroids could also be prescribed which are not always cheap. 

Also, just recapping the Sharon Davies story, I think she had quite a few cycles of IVF including 2 DE cycles before finally having a baby with her own egg!

I am throwing everything at this cycle as I turn 41 in September.  We will probably have PGD too for goo measure.

Best of luck with your decision and subsequent treatment.


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Belladonna

I just wanted to give you a   and say to hang on in there.  You are most definitely not over the hill at 40.  It is true to say that your chances of success reduce with age, and your own particular circumstances, and the whole thing is, in my opinion, a bit of a lottery  - but as they say, "you have to be in it to win it".  

We spent alot of time (and emotion) on ttc and tx, and were very lucky to be successful. (I got my BFP with my own eggs two months after my 42nd birthday, having being quoted a 2-3% chance of success).  I have to admit that I didn't ever dare believe that tx would work for us but I always felt regardless that giving it our best shot (physically and financially) was important so that, if we weren't successful, I wouldn't have kept thinking "what if..." or "if only .." when I was (even!) older.

Deciding whether to continue to trying is a very personal decision, but I just wanted to say that if you really do want to continue, you still have options, either with your own eggs or going down the donor route.

I would also echo what she-hulk and coco have said about getting tests done to check out possible immune and other factors, if you haven't already done so.  Have a look on the Investigations board of this site - Daisyg had done a list of tests, most of which can be done through your GP or IVF clinic.  

Good luck

Ellie


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## belladonna (Mar 25, 2005)

Thank you ladies for making me feel a lot more positive.AF arrived saturday afternoon! havent had one for 10 weeks since my myo in march, that might have had something to do with my misery!!   feel alot better now.

going to get fsh done tomorrow and see how old these poor eggs are!

thanks girls,
donna x x x


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## dhikki (Sep 5, 2005)

Good luck Donna keep your chin up!

Love Donna xx


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## allison kate (Aug 9, 2005)

Donna hunni.....big hugs to you as always    Sorry I have only just seen your message but please try not to read too much into what the dr is saying.  He is looking at general statistics and not you as an individual.  As you know I've had the whole 'age' book thrown at me (when I KNEW it was something other than that) and I know first hand how depressing it is.  I think they do this because they have nothing else to say and so think they are being realistic (ha!) but in fact they are only doing damage. 

Please remember that you were pg last year with your own eggs (  RIP little angel) and so it means your body can do it again.  I kept holding onto this when I felt at my lowest.

If you are worried about your egg quality perhaps you could look into taking DHEA, which I have heard works miracles with improving egg quality and quantity.  Apparently you can buy it over the internet from the States and it is reasonable.

I know we have talked about the immune issues before.  Why not see if you can get some tests done with your consultant or faiing that with your gp.  As you know my immune tests were fine it was my blood clotting problem so if your dr won't stretch to the immune tests perhaps he would at least help with the blood clotting.  It's worth trying hunni, you never know.

You have been so patient this year waiting for our op and then recovering from it and now you are almost at your starting point again.  I'll be keeping everything crossed that your FSH comes back with a good result and it can give you some peace of mind.  I will be praying so hard for you hunni  

Allison xx


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## Empty2 (Aug 12, 2006)

Hi Donna,

Been reading your thread and glad now that you are thinking a bit more positively.   Sending you a hug  

Just wanted to add that I went onto steroids, without the 'killer cell' test, the day before my latest Blastocyst transfer, to try another approach as my miscarriages aren't 'explained', furthest went to 9 weeks with a strong heart beat.  

I also bought all my drugs this time from the chemist, to cut down costs,  and the steroids were not that expensive. (see: IVF general chitchat for the uk) Look also on the website for the CFC, the Cape Town clinic via Renew, for their prices.  I would thoroughly recommend this clinic.

I see you also have the uni-cornate uterus welcome to the club!!!  

Wishing you luck on your journey

emps
x


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