# same donor for sibling or not?



## purplepeak (Jan 31, 2012)

Hi ladies,

I am currently wondering about whether for a sibling it is better to use the same sperm donor as for the first child? One way of looking at it is that it is nice for the children to have the same genetics, that it might make them feel less sad about not sharing genetics with their father. Another way of looking at it is that it might send them the signal that we think genetics are really important and the identity of the donor is really important, which isn't what we think and which might make things harder for them. 

I wonder if anyone has any thoughts on this? Or knows of any research into how donor-conceived siblings feel about it?

Thanks!

P.


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## Godiva (Nov 19, 2015)

Not sure about research, although some donor conceived people like finding their donor siblings, without it affecting the bond with either parent (genetic link or not). On the other hand they might have different feelings about finding their genetic heritage, which could lead to awkward situations, with one wanting to know more and the other not. Different donors gives them complete and independant choices on what research they would want to do.
Personally I would prefer same donor if possible, but i understand your reasons for hesitating and wondering about what message it might send. I do know (now i actually have my baby) that we probably overthink things too much  . (See if i still thunk the same in 16 odd years   )


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## MargotW (Jan 26, 2016)

Purple Peak
Why don"5 you contact the Donor Conception Network?


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## purplepeak (Jan 31, 2012)

Thank you Godiva. Good point about different donors giving them independent choice. I hadn't thought about that. 
Margot, I contacted the donor conception network last week. The person on the phone wasn't sure but was very helpful and kind and said they would look into it and ask in their office and get back to me. If I get anything back of course I'll be happy to share on here if anyone is interested.


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## SomedayMommy (Aug 24, 2016)

This is a very interesting topic. I definitely would like more than two children. I am TTC baby #1 at the moment with a donor, and right now thinking I may not use the same donor for future babies. Of course this may change in a few years when I want another baby, but right now I think that it wouldn't be fair if one of my kids wanted to know more about the donor/make contact at age 18, and maybe the other child does not and may find out info from child #1 without wanting to.

Also I agree with the above in that it may make them feel like genetics matter a lot. 

I also think it would be cool for each child to have their own special donor that makes them unique in the family, lots of different genetic lineages and different looks etc. They may each feel special.


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## annasss (Feb 8, 2017)

purplepeak said:


> Hi ladies,
> 
> I am currently wondering about whether for a sibling it is better to use the same sperm donor as for the first child? One way of looking at it is that it is nice for the children to have the same genetics, that it might make them feel less sad about not sharing genetics with their father. Another way of looking at it is that it might send them the signal that we think genetics are really important and the identity of the donor is really important, which isn't what we think and which might make things harder for them.
> 
> ...


It's a quite contradictive issue. genetics is not the last point in this case and we can't be sure that children born from one donor will accept that fact. Honestly, I want to have more than one baby, but now have none of them. If I were on your place, I would have two children from one sperm donor because they will be special in our family. They will be the true flesh and blood. I suppose it's has matter. 
Anyway, you are the one who'll make a decision


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