# Anyone else intercountry adoption?



## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Hiya!

Well today is a big day for us.  I made the first phone call to the intercountry adoption centre to attend the 1 day workshop for potential intercountry adoption families.  

DH and I have so many questions and feel really anxious but feel so elated that this journey feels so right for us.


Is anyone else in the process or been through the process of intercountry adoption?  Would love to find others who are going this route.  

I'm off to find any websites or books on intercountry adoption.  I have From China with Love and The Russian Word for Snow.  Can anyone else recommend any good books?

Lots of love and good wishes to everyone,

Angiexxx


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

Hi there

We are going to adopt from Ethiopia and are very excited about it!   I live in Spain so the process I have been through will be totally different to yours. However, I guess we'll encounter similar feelings, problems, excitement etc. along the way.

Good luck!  

Kay xxx


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Hi Angie,

My DH and I are currently starting the adoption process for Intercountry Adoption.  We have just been to our Adoption Information Evening and we have filled in the form to say that we want to proceed with Intercountry so we will be on the waiting list now for our preparation course and our initial visit from SW.

I have also read From China With Love and I downloaded a brochure about adoption from Thailand from www.icacentre.org.uk.  These cost just under £11 but you don't have to wait for it to be sent by post which is good.

Which country are you hoping to adopt from?  We would love to adopt from China but we have heard about very long waiting times so we are also researching Thailand as an option.  I am going to contact OASIS and ICA to see if I can get any more information about waiting times from China as our hearts are really saying China at the moment but we don't want to wait a very long time to get our so longed for baby.

Sara

/links


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Hi Sara!

Yes we are thinking about China as well but I just read yesterday that it is a 1-3 year wait and you can only adopt one baby at a time, where as we'd be really happy with siblings or 2 children ( sounds a bit greedy, but I'm sure you know what I mean)
Additionally, I'd quite like to adopt from Korea but I don't see them listed on the Hague Convention Countries list.  My step mom is Korean and she is a lovely person!

I'm American but live in the Uk with my British husband and my American DS (from my first marriage). I had a look at a website yesterday that said that if you are an American citizen living abroad but intend to move back to the States by the time the child would be 18 then it is considered a domestic adoption, although all the prep work is the same.  I'm not too sure what that actually means but I saw on the IAC website that once you have attended the one day workshop you can pay for private/individual time with one of the specialists in intercountry adoption.  I think we might do that.

When I called to enquire about IA(intercountry adoption) at our counties adoption agency they said that we had to attend the 1 day workshop with the IAC and then come back to them if we were still interested.  Did you have a similar experience?

It will be so wonderful going through this process with someone else at the beginning stages!  I'm so glad you posted!

Good luck and speak to you soon.

Angiexxx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi

Welcome to the adoption boards.

can i ask any reasons why you dont want to do "domestic adoption" within the uk?  

Good luck

Mez
x


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Hi MJ,

My reasons for not doing domestic adoption is that I have been told by my SIL and BIL who have attended the information day for domestic adoption in Essex that the register is closed for children under5.  I have also been told this by someone posting on the ISIS thread who enquired in December of 2007.  She also enquired in Suffolk and was told that they had enough adopters of their own.  So as DH and I would like a younger child or a sibling group of younger children domestic adoption isn't an option for us it would seem.

Angiexxx


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Hi Angie,

We have been to our Information Evening which talked us through domestic adoption and some very limited information about international adoption.  We were then given forms to fill out to say what direction we want to proceed with now.  So we filled out that we want to continue with international adoption.  I think the next step for us is the workshop for intercountry adoption and our initial visit from our SW.

Did you hear anything about horrendously long waiting lists from China (8 years).  I read something on one the threads about that but the guy didn't know if it was true or not.  I must ring IAC or OASIS to see if they have any info on this.

It's great to have someone going through the same process.

Sara


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Hiya Sara,

No I think someone heard wrong about 8 years or there was a specific circumstance.  I have read on the US embassy website and on another one, but can't remember which one that was that the wait is between 1-3 years from when the Chinese authorities receive the paperwork.  

I called and left a message for the IAC people on Friday and hoped they would call today but nothing even though I had the phone with me all day.  It said on their answer phone that they would return your phone call unless you left a mobile phone number but I left our home number so I thought they would have gotten in touch.  I'll try to call tomorrow I think.

Angiexxx


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Hi Angie,

We wouldn't mind waiting 1-3 years but definately not 8 years.  My DH's father died when he was 10years old so my DH doesn't want to be an old dad.  He is 36 at the moment.  He is so excited about adoption, bless him.  My only worry is that I has skin cancer in 2005 and I hope that this won't go against us.  It was found extremely early and I required no treatment so I hope SS and adoption agency in China see me as fit and well.  I know that China have new regulations about health, BMI etc.  The way I look at it is I am well and try to be really healthy.

So here's hoping
Sara


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

I doubt the skin cancer will be a problem.  China do have many regulations.  I know you have to have a BMI under 40 which is quite generous really    And you have to have been married for at least 2 years (5 years if either of you has been married and divorced before and you can't have been divorced more than 2 times previously).  You have to be residents of the UK and be a heterosexual married couple ( I think you have to be married, getting brain fade now with all the info.) 

I'm worried b/c my DH works away about 50% of the time ( although he's always home at the weekends) and b/c we have 2 boxers.  Can you believe all this worry before I even get started?  I'm also worried b/c I don't know how long they want you to have known your referees.  DH and I have been together for nearly 6 years, but married for 3 1/2 years and obviously I've only been living in the UK for about 4 years now (although have indefinite leave to remain).  I heard you had to have known your referees for like 9 years or something.  All these rumors you hear it's hard to figure out what's real and what's imaginary.  

How come you and your DH chose international adoption instead of domestic, just curious really  

Angiexxx


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

I heard about the 8 year thing for CHina too and went   coz it's about 3 in SPain. Why it would be different in UK I don't know so hope it's just a rumour for you.  

Kay xxx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Angel129 said:


> Hi MJ,
> 
> My reasons for not doing domestic adoption is that I have been told by my SIL and BIL who have attended the information day for domestic adoption in Essex that the register is closed for children under5. I have also been told this by someone posting on the ISIS thread who enquired in December of 2007. She also enquired in Suffolk and was told that they had enough adopters of their own. So as DH and I would like a younger child or a sibling group of younger children domestic adoption isn't an option for us it would seem.
> 
> Angiexxx


Hi

I can understand what your saying however i would strongly recommend you ring every LA and VA within 50miles radius of your home town as they may be open to you esp as looking for sibling group- we personally went with a LA 40 miles away from us and from first email to getting our children (we got a sibling pair ages 20m and just turned 3) moving in which took 18 months.

If you go with a VA as they dont have "their own children" you will go on the nat reg so could get matched very quickly

good luck in your choice

xxx


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Angie,

We have always felt a pull towards adoption from China even before we gave up on our fertility tx.  My DH's cousin is married to a chinese woman and we have asked her what she thinks of intercountry adoption and she thinks it's wonderful, an amazing thing to give a child a chance in life where they could remain in an institution all their lives.
We have also friends who adopted from China a few years ago (but not close enough to confide in them yet about what we are doing - we are keeping this quiet until we are further into the process eg just close family and friends know about our journey).

This may sound odd to you but I was put off domestic adoption because of the contact issue.  I really admire people who have gone through domestic adoption but I just couldn't cope with contact with BP's.  We know we will have issues through possible racism and our child not knowing where they really come from but I feel we can deal with these issues.  I am not too proud to ask for help.

We have a lot of love to give to our LO and we can't wait to be parents.  We just hope and pray things will work out for us and you too.
Talk soon
Sara


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Sara

Ref the contact- the contact we have is a letter once a year to some members of the birth family and we got a reply from one set of people (i send 4 letters)

To be honest i do find it hard in some way however i know for my children it is really worth it as i can ask in my letter about little bits and pieces of info that we may/like to know such as DD talks about something and i am going to ask this in the next letter. We met Birth mum and it was very very hard however now we can tell our children about this and the info we got to hear such as about her pregnancy and labour and also the early days of our children. you dont have to do contact as when going through the process this is something you can say you cant deal with.

I dont mean to sound harsh however as much as we would like to forget our children have a past they do................and we are the adults who need to help and support them knowing this info.

The other positive for domestic adoption if that if BM/BD had another child then you would get told and to ask to be accessed for thast child

good luck

M J
x


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

MJ 

Thanks for that information.  It has really got me thinking.  

I have the same reservations as Sara.  It is such a fine line between doing what is right by your child (ren) and feeling like a true family.  This is just my feelings.  I understand so much that sometimes you have to do things that benefit your child even if it were just down to you you would just leave it.  What I mean is that I have a DS from a previous marriage that my ex husband has very little to do with but whenever he does bother to ask about my DS I suck it up (my personal feelings for my ex husband) and send him a very pleasant update about my DS.  I make a point not to say anything that is just my opinion of my ex husband to my DS even though inside I'd like to rip him apart   .  But then with the adoption thing if you are sending letters to BPs then do you just feel like you are a foster parent until the children are 18 and then they are back to their BPs.  These are my deepest worries and I hope I haven't offended you but if I don't voice it then I won't know how it feels to be an adoptive mummy.  If you adopt internationally specifically China then you probably will not know who the BPs are which raises a whole other set of problems for your adoptive child.  But I almost feel better capable of dealing with my adoptive child not knowing who their BPs were than to have to worry about loosing them back to their BPs when they are older.  Does this make sence?  Again I hope I haven't offended you or anyone else that has adopted.  This is certainly not my intention.  

Angiexxx


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

MJ,

I really admire what you and other parents do through domestic adoption but I just feel that I can't cope with it and I would rather be honest that go into something that I later regret.  Believe me I will try to get as much information for my child as possible.  I know that they have a past I don't want them to forget where they come from or their culture.  The access isn't the only reason we are going for intercountry adoption.  We both have really felt the pull towards it for a few years now and we are going to follow our hearts.  We just hope and pray that it works out the way we hope.  We aren't silly we know that there will be many a problem along the way but we will deal with them as they come along.

Sara


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Hi Sara!

I just wanted to say that I had quite a long chat today with an advisor at the IAC and she did say that the wait list for China is around 4 years average these days.    I was quite shocked by this but she did say that you can pretty much adopt from any country they don't have to have agreed to the Hague Convention although obviously if they have agreed to the HC than the adoption is automatically legal in the UK as well as the country of origin.  Although when I said about Korea she said something was ringing a bell that it had been suspended. Also the advisor said that if DH and I were interested in a sibling group that calling our LA would probably be our best option.   Surprised me...

MJ,  I called Barnardo's today.  The lady I spoke with was really lovely and she told me to call back tomorrow and I could talk to a SW.  I could ask any questions I wanted to and then we would get invited to an open evening.  Do VAs work the same as LAs?  ie.  Is there a charge for the HS and so forth?  I also called our LA but just got answer phone so left a message to send an adoption information pack.  I'll see how I get on tomorrow.  

Angiexxx

PS>  Has anyone else used Barnardo's?  How does there program work?  I think they run it slightly different that a LA would?!


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Angie,

I thought that China would be around that timescale.  China is our preferred option but we have also been considering Thailand.  I must contact IAC to ask questions about timescale for Thailand.  I know that they only allow 32 children to be adopted to UK per year.  Sorry you were so shocked and disappointed by the 4 year wait.  Does this put you off China?

I think you don't have to pay for HS if you are going for domestic adoption whether via VA or LA but someone will be able to advise you better on this.  You have to pay for HS if you are going for intercountry adoption, over £4000 but it is overtime and paid in instalments, I think.

Talk Soon,
Sara


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Angel and Sara

Neither of you have offended me at all.....................i just feel very strongly about this and that there are alot of Myths about the way adoption works

Angel- we have another FF lady who has a DS from a Prev rel and has now a very yummy DD via adoption 

If you go for domestic adoption you dont pay for HS or anything else (some do pay for their medicals around £70 each avarage)

Angel-i can honestly say that i dont feel like a foster parent or anything other then my 2's mummy, i wont pretend its easy when my DD talks about her birth mum however the way i look at it is we talk about her a bit and its the norm and my DD knows talking about her isnt a "dirty little secret" - my DD knows that she came out of BM tummy however she knows that me and DH are her mummy and Daddy and that birth mum and dad are x and x (we call them by their 1st names-DD never remembers calling them anything - she is only 3.5 now)

with ref to you bring a child up and then at 18yr old them wanting to return to birth family this is a big myth! this was a big question we asked as it worried us however we were advised that adopted adults tend to be 30yr old plus before they trace birth family, i think we need to have trust in our ability to bring our children up just the same way as any other child and for our children to still be close to us (hope this makes sense)

During the prep training course you will meet birth mums, adopted adults, adoiptive parents ect and this gives you a true insight into adoption.

Banardoes is a VA however they will access you just the same as a LA would, the LA have their own children to place however the VAs place what is clased as "harder to place" children (this includes due to health issues, dual heritage ect nothing mega scary its just they may not have approved adopters on the LAs books for the child/ren)

Sara- i want to wish you lots of luck in your process.

Hope this info helps

xxx


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## emsina (May 23, 2005)

Angel, I was tempted to post on here a lot earlier to recommend Barnardos Colchester, but didn’t want people thinking I was jumping down their throats and “dissing” adoption from overseas, because that’s your right to choose.  

Anyway, now it’s been mentioned I do know sibling adopters who have had great success with this Agency.  Was on our shortlist after a major disappointment with Essex County Council.  Don’t be put off by one agency, it’s best to shop around believe me!!!!  Bear in mind, when you go for overseas adoption, you still have to be assessed here and a lot of LAs will have you way down their list of priority, so there’s your first hold up for a start!  Not to mention you’re saving yourself an awful lot of money going domestic.  Be prepared for home study to involve a lot of exploration into how you would deal with a child who is not only rejected by their birth family, but also by their country of birth.  Home study may even take longer due to this additional issue.

As MJ says, the assessment process at Barnardos will be no different to that of an LA.

Good luck to all considering adopting from overseas, it’s your choice, just make sure it’s an informed one.

emsina x


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Hi Emsina and MJ,

Thank you both so much for your invaluable advice.  I did try to call Barnardo's again today but missed the SW so I will try again tomorrow.  

I'm slightly concerned b/c MJ you said that at B's they are trying to find adoptive families for harder to place children, does that mean children with learning/physical/mental disabilities only.  I hope I don't offend anyone but if we are adopting more than one child at a time then I don't know if we can then take on a 'difficult' child.  Sorry for my lack of the proper terminology but I hope someone can advice.

Also, emsina would you mind PMing me what happened with Essex County Council?  I am a little put off by them as they have a 0800 number but it just goes to answer phone every time I call and I have just let my details so they can send me an adoption information pack.

I'm not sure what questions to ask initially to the SW.  I'm not even sure we are the 'sort' of family that they are looking for, ie do we qualify to adopt?

Thanks again for both of your advice!

Angiexxx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi angel

I will pm you tomorrow with more info hun

you havent offened me with your use of wording

xxx


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## emsina (May 23, 2005)

Angel - no problem will pm you either later today or tomorrow when I have a little more time re our experiences.
emsina


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Thanks MJ and emsina,

I feel like such a loser posting this but I am already feeling really down about the whole domestic adoption thing.  I talked to a SW at B's today and she described most of the children that they place have been in and out of care, physically/mentally/emotionally/and/or sexually abused.  Sibling groups range in age from 4 and up.  We need to have 6 references( I don't even think we know that many people, certainly not that many people who have known us as a family for that long.  I'm American and although I have indefinite leave to remain I've only lived in the UK for 4 years.) And people who are overweight   ,  and/or smoke (like my DH, although I don't) won't have priority.  When I told my DH this he got tears in his eyes and my DH NEVER cries. I already feel like we have to be THE PERFECT people in order to adopt a young/healthy child(ren). Am I being unrealistis?  Do SW's give you a worst case scenario to try to weed out the PAPs who may not have the child's best interest in mind?  Is it the area of the country that we live in that means that there aren't any young children (ie less than 4 years) available?

I'm sure this whole process is a very slow moving one but I called the LA last week and still haven't received an information pack from the message I had to leave b/c there was no one available to talk with me.

Help!

Angiexxx


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Hi Angie,
So sorry to hear you and DH are so disallusioned by the whole domestic adoption situation.  I can't really advise you because we are going intercountry.  It alone will have it's problems and hurdles but we are determined to go ahead with it.  
Maybe you are correct that SW's try to give you the worst case scenario so you are prepared before you go ahead with adoption.  I know myself that I couldn't deal with some of those kids and their problems you described.
Just have a serious talk with your DH and try to decide what suits your family the best.  It is important you are happy and you don't feel pressured to make other people happy.  Do what feels right to you.

Sara


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## crusoe (Jun 3, 2005)

Angie please don't feel disheartened at this early stage.
I think it is true s/w's do paint a bad case scenario at the beginning to test your commitment but many of the elements you have highlighted are true. Many children coming through the adoption system may have been subjected to abuse, neglect or may have medical or learning difficulties and getting your head around that at first can be very had.
Initially we were told that adopters who wanted older sibling groups were in great demand but we have been approved for 1 child aged 0-3 and I know many people on these boards have happily adopted very young children who perhaps need a different type of parenting to non-adopted children because of their past experiences. This is both challenging and hugely rewarding.
S/w's do not expect you to be perfect at all (far from it) but they do quite rightly make the children the priority and adoption is very much about finding the right families for them.  The process is lengthy and detailed - it has to be but we have always felt we have been making slow but steady progress. A very important aspect of the process is looking at what you can and can't cope with in terms of disability, behaviour etc.
As for referrees we had to find 4 plus 1 relative - things vary from area to area.
Don't get overwhelmed at this stage - make initial enquiries, read lots and find out more.

Sorry this is a bit rushed as I am at work and I probably haven't worded things as well as I would like but I justwanted to let you know that I felt very much the same as you when we started out on adoption but now feel very, very differently.

Love Crusoe
x


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Angel

SW will give you the worst of worst stories to put you off however i am one who has a sibling pair who where 18months and 3yrs old (well DD was 3 3weeks after we found out about them) the children moved in within 7 weeks of hearing about them and that included matching panel and 12days of intros.i cant say alot about my children however their history is far from the "worst case" that you will get told about.

It took us 9months to get approved and another 25weeks to the day to hear about our children.

We only had to have 2 refs that had known us 3yrs plus, we also had one family ref and a letter/call ref from another family member as we have their children alot plus another friend of ours did a letter ref too.

Adopted children will come with some "issue" as in their little lives they have gone through grief of loosing their birth family. this will be the same if you do internation adoption or domestic....

xxx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

just want to second what MJ has said, we were told that ther are no young babies anymore yet we were placed with a 14 week old baby boy our case moved very quickly due to circumstances i obviously can't go into, we were very very lucky but just proves that it can and does happen   

pam xx


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Thank you for your replies!  I have now contacted four places:  Suffolk County Council, Essex County Council, IAC, and Barnardo's.  I've had ok experiences with SCC, Barnardo's, and IAC but ECC can't be bothered to even answer their phones. It looks like ECC's next info evening isn't until 8 January, can't really tell b/c I haven't spoke to anyone, just what I can gleam from their website.  Barnardo's SW was really nice and said she'd send an info pack and we could go to an info meeting next month if we wanted to.  SCC I just sent an e-form to say we'd like an info pack and they sent a computer generated email to say they received the request.  IAC were really informative but it costs £215 to go to their open information day.  So we probably will attend in mid October, but haven't decided for certain.  

Feeling a bit down today b/c I know DH and I are both overweight and it seems like that is such a factor in determining if we are acceptable.  I can't believe that how much we weigh has such a determination on whether or not we'd be good adoptive parents.  

 Anyway, thanks again for your help,

Angiexxx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

dont be put off by wieght hun- my bmi is 35 ish and my DH is slightly higher then mine, they questioned my DH about his weight however it has never and so far hasnt caused any health issues for him and they just needed to know he could be a fit and active daddy to a sibling group as we wanted to be matched with 2-3children aged 0-5yrs old! 

Honestly take big deep breath and dont worry- if adoption was easy then it wouldnt weed out those not suitable to it- it takes alot of determination to get there however you will

xxx


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Thanks MJ  

If I don't have a nervous breakdown by the end of this it will be a miracle!

Angiexxx


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Hi Angie,

Sorry to hear you feeling so down.  Please keep your spirits up.  I can't see your weight being that big an issue if you are both healthy.  My DH is slightly overweight and he started his diet on Monday in preparation for HS.  I also asked my specialist today about writing a report about my skin cancer and he said he would.  He says he can't see it causing us any problems because they got it really early and it hadn't spread.  Angie, why don't you ring some of your LA's and quiz them to see if weight is an issue for them - it might put your mind at rest.
Sara


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Hiya Sara!

I'm glad to see that everything seems to be moving along for you!  It's good that the specialist will write a letter for you!  

I would call my local LAs except none of them will answer their phones!   Except the Barnardo's lady.

Have you phoned the IAC yet?  Are you going to go to an information day at the IAC?

Angie


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Angie,

No I haven't rang IAC yet - this week has been so busy with one thing and another but I will contact them on Monday.  Are they nice and approchable?  Yes we shall be attending the course. I think it is part of the preparation to attend the course and I think it is necessary to attend to proceed with intercountry adoption.

Sara


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi

I would email them all- i did and went with our LA as i sent the email on the sun night and got a rpely on the monday at 7.40am! they are a fab La and i will be very sad when we loose our SW as she is a fab support to us and a good friend in some ways

xxx


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Another set back today    At least this LA called me back though.  I contacted Suffolk County Council last week and they called today to say that b/c we are 2 miles outside the county border that they can't help us.  Although she said they have many more children needing adoption than adoptive parents.    So here we are literally 2 miles outside the border and they won't help us.  Does that mean they would rather let those children be left in foster care than potentially find what I think would be a very loving adoptive home?

Meanwhile the Essex County Council hasn't even bothered to call.  I have tried several times over the last week and not once has anyone answered the phone.  According to the SW from Suffolk County Council Essex has many more adoptive families than children.  

Why is everything so backwards?  The SCC SW said that she would speak to her supervisor to see if they would make an exception but if we didn't hear from her than the answer is no.  She said this only after my DH called back to question why they couldn't drive 2 extra miles and that we would be willing to pay the extra fees they would incur for doing this.

Feeling really down,

Angie


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Oh Angie,

What a mad, ludicrous system!  I can't believe that this country would rather see children kept in a care system than go to a loving and caring adoptive family.   This is something that should be brought to government and rallied for a change in this system.  I can't believe that SS can't drive another 2 miles to enable a child the joy and benefit of a family.  
What an awful system - this makes me so, so cross.  I hope and pray that you will get a good outcome in your adoption journey.
Sara


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

I know Sara.  I've just been having a little   for those poor children waiting for a forever family who can't come to live with us because we live 2 miles too far.  Makes me so upset.  DH, bless him, he was so sweet to call the SW back to see if there was any chance they would make an exception.  The cynical part of me wonders if the SW even asked her supervisor.  The SCC SW said that her advice was to just keep trying with ECC but how can I keep trying if they don't pick up their phone?  I also have a very bad feeling about ECC due to some things I have been told by BIL and SIL and others who have had direct contact with ECC SWs.

I don't know where to go from here.  Barnardo's open evening is tomorrow night and DH and I plan on going but the SCC SW said you know they don't have their own children and if they have to go to another LA to 'get' children then they have to pay a fee to that LA which they don't normally do.  



Don't see this working out for us b/c we live in the wrong county.  

Angie


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Angie,

I think you should ring and ask to speak to the head SW.  There must be a way around this 2 mile thing.  I could see through it if it was 50 miles but not 2 miles.  It's ludicrous.

Please keep your spirits up - it will work out for you both

Sara


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

hi Angel

Right the SW got it wrong about the "fee" thing- if you go with a VA and gt matched the LA have to pay YOUR VA for you which is approx £30k! as your VA has done all the work getting you approved!

i would have a good read of the baaf website (if you already havent), we personally went with a LA 40miles away, you can apply to any LA or VA 50miles from your home to the town they are in!

Good luck and dont give up yet- the things we really want are worth the hard work

xxx


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

I seriously doubt our LA would pay £30K for children for us from a different LA if we go through a VA.  

MJ - Thanks for the info. but the Suffolk County Council which I called today is about 30 miles from us and said that they only help people in Suffolk.  We are 2 miles outside the Suffolk border but well within 50 miles.  Is it some kind of law that you are able to apply to an LA within 50 miles of your home regardless of county that LA resides in?

Angiexxx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Angie

The LA i am with is in another county to me!

I have found the info on the BAAF which is just a guide (its law for the 50mile radius)
http://www.baaf.org.uk/info/firstq/adoption.shtml (under the "How do people apply to adopt?" section)

If you like this LA i would maybe write a letter to the manager to state the positive reasons to why they should come and meet you

xxxx

/links


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## emsina (May 23, 2005)

Angie, so sorry you've got no joy with Suffolk  .  MJ's suggestion of a letter to the manager is a good idea. 

Hope you found the Barnardos open eve interesting.  There are plenty of people on the boards with voluntary agencies, some have great success.  I would have had no problem going with Barnardos if we had been turned down by our current agency.  With a VA you have the advantage of being able to look at children all over the country as soon as you are approved.  Many people are approved quicker with a VA, as they often hold more Prep Courses.

emsina x


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Hi emsina,

I've PM'd you as well!

We did get on quite well at Barnardo's.  !  I'm a bit worried though that all the VA is going to have are older/abused children although when we went to the open evening the SW said that they have access to all the children in all of the country and there is a register that all the LA's SWs can match their children for adoption with PAPs on the register, if that makes sence. And it does seem like a quicker process than our LA anyway. Once we send in our formal adoption interest papers(they want to know everywhere we have lived since we were 18   , don't know if I can remember that far back) then they will send around a counselor who will talk to us for a couple of hours then make a decision if they can help us or not.  If they invite us on the prep course it would start in January.  That seems so soon to us!  We can't believe that after all this time waiting things feel like they are starting to happen.

Why don't more people use VAs?  Is it b/c of the children that they place?  This is my worry at the moment.  

Angiexxx


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Well today DH and I sent in our interest in adopting paperwork to Barnardo's.  Feeling really excited and anxious.  Also nervous that they won't let us proceed b/c of our weights although at the open evening they just said that people with extreme disabilities and current health/mental issues would need to discuss this is more depth, nothing about weight.  We were only there with 4 other people so I would have thought if our weight was an issue that the SW would have said something then, but still very nervous about this.  We are know just waiting for a counselor to come around and talk to us for a couple of hours and see if they invite us to proceed with the process.  

Fingers crossed,

Angiexxx


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## emsina (May 23, 2005)

Great news Angie, glad you're feeling more positive!
Will try and PM u later this evening.
emsina x


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

Well, found a problem in my inercountry adoption   Spain need evidence that Britain allow adoption from Ethiopia, anyone know if they do?

Kay xxx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Spaykay said:


> Well, found a problem in my inercountry adoption  Spain need evidence that Britain allow adoption from Ethiopia, anyone know if they do?
> 
> Kay xxx


I will try and find out for you hun

xxx


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Angie,
Glad things are moving on for you and DH and so pleased that you are feeling more positive.  We are at the same stage as you - just waiting for SS to contact us about first initial visit and intercountry adoption preparation course.  So excited and nervous at the same time. 

Spaykay - sorry don't know anything about Ethiopia but you could ring IAC.  You can get their number on the web www.icacentre.org.uk
If you have any problems I will PM you the phone number.  They are really helpful.  Hope you get over this hurdle and get it resolved quickly

Sara


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Spaykay,  I was going to recommend the same website as Sara.  When I talked to the Intercountry Adoption Centre helpdesk they said that you could adopt from anywhere that wasn't currently under some sort of ban.  We had looked at Korea b/c my step-mom is Korean, but she seeemed to think there was a current ban with Korea.  Although it does make the process easier if the country has adopted the Hague Convention but all of this info is on the IAC website.

Sara-You'll have to let me know how the IAC info course goes.  And good luck with the SW.  I'm already nervous about it.  But if they accept us then the fun really begins!

Love,

Angiexxx


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

Thank you my lovlies! Will call them tomorrow if I have no luck with the British Consulate over here!  

Kay xxx


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Spaykay,  Have you found out anything about adopting from Ethiopia?  I hope the Iac website was helpful and that you were able to talk to the helpdesk.

Well our news is that we got a letter from the counselor at Barnardo's today to say she will come and see us on 4th November at 10am.  Luckily, this works out for us.  Bit nervous about the whole thing, especially her taking one look at us being overweight and saying thanks but no thanks.  But I'm going to arrange for our dogs to be at the doggy daycare at least for the first visit and our DS will be at school so it should be a nice quiet house.  What do you talk about on the first visit?

Angiexxx


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Girls,

Our first counselling session is on November 4th.  Has anyone else had one of these?  What will we talk about and are there any books we should have read before hand?  I just sent our letter of acceptance of the meeting today and want to do my homework before we see her.

Thanks for your help,

Angiexxx

PS) Sara-How is everything going?  Have you gone to the IAC info day yet?  

Spaykay-Did you find out if Ethiopia is acceptable to the authorities yet?


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Hi Angel,

Hope your first counselling session goes well on Nov 4th.  Will be thinking of you both.  Sorry I don't know anything about it.
As for us, we haven't heard anything back from SS but I think I may give them a ring soon to make sure they got my correspondence about continuing with adoption.

Spaykay - hope things get resolved on your adoption soon

Sara


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

Good luck Angel and Sara...I must ring that place you told me about! 

Kay xxx


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Hi Girls

It's quiet on here recently.  Just to keep you up to date - our SW rang me this morning and we are having our first initial visit on Monday morning.  I can't believe it!!!  I feel a bit nervous but just of the unknown.  Can anyone enlighten me about what to expect on our first visit.  The SW says she will be here for around an hour and a half.  Will she look around the house and what sort of questions will she ask?

Please Help 
Sara


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## larwa (May 16, 2004)

Hi all,
Does anyone know if it's possible to adopt from India/Pakistan?  Would I need to contact my local council to do this or are there particular agencies that are better equiped to advise on intercountry adoptions?


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Hi Larwa,

Yeah I think it is possible to adopt from India.  You should contact Intercountry Adoption Centre.  You will find their contact details on their website www.icacentre.org.uk   They are really helpful.  I'm sorry I can't give you any further info on India/Pakistan as we are adopting from Thailand.  We are adopting via our LA so you could give them a call and say you are interested in Intercountry.

Talk Soon
Sara

/links


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Hi to all!

Sara-Just wanted to check in with you and see how it went with the SW visit.  I hope it went well, how did you find it?  Are you on your way to prep classes?  Where was it that you were adopting from?  

Starting to have second thoughts about the domestic adoption.  I have such a pull towards international adoption.  I don't know why the process is taking so long in this country for China adoptions as in the US they are the usual 2 years or so.  As I am American DH and I are seriously considering moving back to the US and starting the process there?  Don't really know what to do for the best  

Emsina, How are you hun?  I hope everything is moving along for you.

Angiexxx

PS)  Spaykay, once again huge congrats to you!


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Hi Angel

The Initial SW visit went well (we think).  The SW was really nice and easy to talk too but she couldn't guarantee that she would be allocated to us as our SW. 
She just asked us a lot of general, easy to answer question.

We are now on the list for our preparation classes but because we are Intercountry the next available classes aren't until March 2009   but my ever optimistic DH says the time will fly in with Christmas to look forward too.  My DH is really excited and he asked the SW loads of questions while I sat there with my tongue tied and then thought of lots of questions once she had left. 

BTW we are adopting from Thailand.

I hope whatever decision you make that it all works out for you both

Talk Soon
Sara


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Hello all,

Just wanted to check in with you. We had our initial counselling session yesterday and it went really well! The counsellor was LOVELY! She stayed for about 3 hours and was really positive and even said at the end of her visit that she thought we had a lot to offer and she didn't see a problem with us being invited to attend the prep course in January.

But: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=166245.0

So I think we will see what happens and take it from there. I think if we get accepted we won't tell them straight away about our news until we get to 12 weeks which we still be before the prep course would start. I know this is a bit sneaky but I am just so worried what will come of this pregnancy.

I hope everyone else is well,

Angiexxx


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Angel

I am so pleased for you and DH.  ing that this LO will stick with you and you will hold your baby in your arms in less than 9 months time.

Keep in touch
Sara


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Unfortunately little one did not stay.  Started bleeding not too many days after posted that we were expecting.  DH and I are gutted needless to say, but had a good heart to heart over the weekend and feel like something is telling us enough is enough (this is my 3rd m/c).  We haven't heard back from Barnardo's even though it's been 2 weeks since counsellor was here.  How long does it normally take to hear back from the adoption agency if you've been accepted or not?  Anyone know?    

How is everyone getting on?  Sara/emsina?

Love,

Angiexxx


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi

Angel- so sorry to hear your news, ref the call back from an agency- for us it was 2 days however this is cos i asked them and i am a total pain in the butt and chase things up!

xxx


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Angel - I am so sorry to hear your devastating news.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and DH.  On our first initial visit from SW we told her that we wanted to attend Intercountry Adoption Information Day and she sorted it out on the same week.  We are attending it on Thursday and then if we want to proceed we will be going on the Preparation Course in January 2009.  If I was you I would give them a call to see if things are proceeding for you.  I think this won't do any harm and will put your mind at ease.  Maybe some paperwork has been lost or something!!!  Let us know how you get on.

Talk Soon
Sara


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## Angel129 (Oct 28, 2005)

Thanks MJ and Sara for your kind words.

Sara- How did it go today?  I hope it was very informative!

Hello again!

Well I did another pg test this morning to check that the test was getting lighter or that it wasn't positive anymore and got a strong positive again.  So I called the GP and went in to see him this morning.  I wasn't looking forward to it as he has been really useless and unsupportive in the past.  Same again today really.  Told him I had fresh red blood 1 week and 2 days ago after major pain on left side (ovary) and then just been spotting very lightly off and on since.  He called the EPU and made an appointment but it isn't until the 11th of December!  

I feel so upset.  I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that it was all over and we could move on and then this!  Now we are back in pergatory again nearly a year to the day we saw no heartbeat.  Why does this keep happening to us and why won't anyone help us to figure out what is happening?

Very sad and emotional,

Angiexxx

PS) We still have not heard back from Barnardo's.  And now that I have gone to the GP, if we have been accepted to start the prep courses, it's going to show the SW that I have been pregnant within the last 6 months and that probably won't go down well.    I feel so upset.


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## sara1 (Jul 28, 2008)

Angel,
So sorry to hear about your troubles.  I hope you get them sorted out soon and find out what is really happening with your pregnancy.  Maybe you should try going to a different doctor for some help and advice as it sounds like your GP isn't very good.  I would have thought you would have got a scan straight away to see what was happening.

As for me our course went really well yesterday.  Both my DH and I are really positive about Intercountry and ready to proceed to the 3 day preparation course.  Everyone there was so supportive and saying "go for it and don't hold back or waste any more time."  There were around 12 people on the course with us and everyone was lovely.

I hope you are feeling better soon Angel
Talk Soon
Sara


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