# We're now considering donor egg- advice!!!



## LouLou46 (Sep 18, 2014)

Hello,

I'm looking for a little bit of support and advice from anyone who has considered or had a successful donor cycle. After 6 years of TTC, numerous assisted cycles and 3 failed IVF cycles ( our last being this month) we are now looking positively towards using donor eggs, most probably at IB in Alicante, as recommended by our consultant Mr Gafar at Newlife, as they can support the procedure.

It's been something we've been thinking about for some time now, as we knew our chances of this last IVF working we're slim. But it's really hitting home now....

It's almost like I need to grieve for not being able to have my baby with my husband, which is all I've ever wanted. Don't get me wrong I'm extremely grateful that we have options and that this isn't the end of the road for us, but all I can think is that if we decide to go down the donor route, will I feel like it's my baby?!?

Has anyone been successful using donor eggs at IB in Alicante??

We're hoping to get over there within the next month to have our initial consultation, as I have so many questions.... Mainly on how do they match you! I'm blonde haired, green eyed obviously not a typical look for Spain. 

I'd be really interested in hearing about any experiences.


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## RB76 (Jul 27, 2011)

Hi LouLou46

This is all pretty much what happened to me..
I really struggled in pregnancy even, worrying if I'd bond.
All I can say is, every forum post you read will tell you what I'm about to.. it makes no difference whatsoever.. you just love the baby or babies with every ounce of your being and the genetics just seem irrelevant.
Of course donor parenting does have its issues which we are yet to fully face but somehow they seem unimportant compared to what it was like without her here.
I just thank my lucky stars we didn't give up and gave DE a shot because without it we would not be parents to such an amazing little girl.
Good luck!


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## Surfergirl (Apr 30, 2010)

Hi,

I agree with RB76, de was the best thing I ever did! I needed to grieve the loss of my genetic link but once I moved on and then had my dd, I've never looked back. I cannot imagine loving any child more than I do my little girl 😊. Believe me, you won't regret it!

RB - how is your LO doing? I had my dd at 26+6 with similar problems to you!

xx


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## RB76 (Jul 27, 2011)

She is good thankyou SG - just turned one and learning to crawl. She has a squint but there don't seem to be major issues otherwise.. fingers crossed!
Thinking back to life before she arrived I feel sick at the idea that we might have given up and not tried DE. How is your daughter?


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## LouLou46 (Sep 18, 2014)

Hello Ladies,

Thank you for all your replies. 

I've been reading so many of people's personal journeys in here, it really is making me more & more positive about our situation. I have my good days when I imagine myself being a Mum and my DH the Dad I know he'd be, and then there are the days when I think why us?? Why did this have to happen to us.....

I know this is something we are going to do, as I don't want to regret not trying every option, I'm just trying to get my head around the fact that our baby won't be half me... It may seem self-absorbed but I worry my baby will look like a total stranger, and will I not bond with her/him because of that... But then I think of my friend who's 2 boys look absolutely nothing like her and all like their Dad! Then there the total love I feel for my 2 gorgeous Nephews, they're not mine (ok they're half my sister) and I love those boys like they were my own !

So all in all I'm starting to feel so much more positive about it all.

Did any if you ladies go through the Instituto Bernabea in Alicante, this is where we are doing to go??

Xx


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## MissMayhem (Feb 24, 2013)

Hi loulou am sorry that you're hurting.  I asked a similar question myself, and am still not sure yet what path to take next.  Have to have an op first anyway so have a few more weeks to think about things.  I can't send a link to the thread as don't know how to do it but, echoing what everyone here has already said, the answers in relation to DE were so positive they made me cry.  It's in Donor Egg 'Does the baby feel like it's truly yours?' if you wanted to have a look at the responses.   and good luck to you and your DH.xx


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## Jelliebabe (Jan 14, 2011)

Hi loulou! There was an excellent discussion on this very topic on the Gennet clinic board (Prague) just this week. Look at the post at the top from Sportygirl. An excellent well thought out post but the whole discussion was good to read. We will be moving on to donor next so good luck to you x 

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=326404.400


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## Wickedgreengirl (Sep 6, 2014)

We used IB after 4 failed IVFs with my eggs.  Our son was born in 2012 and we are off there soon for an attempt at a sibling


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## UK-Canuck (Sep 3, 2011)

Hi Loulou

We haven't yet conceived with DE, but we've had one cycle & planning another and I've totally been where you are now and was a mess this time last year, thinking my marriage was heading for disaster as we weren't talking, I was miserable and depressed.  We'd had two failed OE cycles and I now have an AMH of 0.4 (or possible less now!)  But As we approached being matched for our first donor round, I found the donor conception network again, that our counsellor at our clinic had mentioned and that helped us massively! We went on their Preparation Workshop, which did seem expensive at the time, but was so worth it for us as we don't have any friends with infertility issues and it was so good to be in a room with people in the same boat. We talked about grief and all sorts of other stuff, so we realised we weren't alone in this.  They also showed short films with donor conceived kids, who were all perfectly "normal" & loved their parents, which was hugely helpful for us. 

I appreciate lots of Doctors here might recommend going abroad for short/no waiting lists (although I do thinks some of them must get kick backs from the referrals!) but that's the same here if you do your homework to find the bigger clinics without waiting lists or the London Egg Bank. Personally, we stayed here partly as we needed the time to grieve and get our heads round the whole thing, so a six moth wait was fine for us first time round - I really don't think it's an overnight process as it's such a big deal having children. Also my husband didn't want to take the option away from our child(ren) of finding their donor in the future if they're curious. We felt we had to think about their wishes going forward as we are making "people" not just babies  & we can't guess how they will feel in the future - and also didn't want them to find out accidentally in the future, if eg: they're doing genetics at school & blood groups don't match yours, so they end up thinking you've had and affair(!) rather than they were so desperately wanted, you "even" found an egg donor to help with conception or somehow they get their medical notes for something completely unrelated - I've heard of both these things happening through DCN, so I couldn't imagine the stress caused rather than just being honest from the start.  You also get a lot more information initially in the UK as the regulations are much more detailed - versus nothing much if anything in many other countries, which helps children understand where they come from. 

Anyway, there is lots of stuff on the donor conception network website that you can read without even being a member, which will hopefully help you work out your emotions and get ready for the next big step whatever you choose. 

Very best wishes!
Canuck xx


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## Coolish (Jul 10, 2012)

Loulou -  there's an IB thread that I used to be on when I was at IB. There are certainly ladies on there that have been successful at IB with DE. 

I just wanted to echo what other people have said. Your DE baby will simply be YOUR baby


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## LouLou46 (Sep 18, 2014)

Thank you for all your replies!!

Sorry for not responding sooner, things have been hectic this end, I've been doing lots of research/reading and then to top it all of my Mother-in-law hasn't been well.(Sometimes we wonder if we'll ever catch a break)

Reading all your thoughts and experiences really do help. I've realised we're not alone in our feelings and it's perfectly natural to grieve.... At the end of the day using a donor is our best option, and when I'm feeling down about it all, I think about the alternative of not ever conceiving a child and it's a no brainer!

We're looking at having a Skype meeting with IB this side of Christmas, and then early Jan visiting the clinic to look at starting Feb/March time. 

I'm keeping positive about it all

X x


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## Wickedgreengirl (Sep 6, 2014)

Hi Lou Lou, you will find the staff at IB lovely, helpful and professional, good luck!


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