# can i re-join you



## lisa.m (Mar 31, 2006)

hi girls, 
dont know if any of you remember me, i join you in aug, then for some STUPID   reason i decided to have one last attempt at trying for a child, 
well, suprise, suprise it didnt work! and the outcome i was hoping for seems to have back fired, you see, the whole point of having one last shot was because i felt like i needed closure, by having one tube of sperm at the hospital i didnt feel like i could accept it was over the whole time we still had options, so by using it on a last cycle at least if it didnt work, that would be the end, at least i would have done everythink possible to have a child and it would make it easier to move on. But thats not how i feel at all! i now feel worse than before because now it REALY is over and theres nothing i can do about it (apart from cry, which i seem to be doing alot) at least before i still had hope, now ive used that hope and im left with nothing.
any way, thats enough moaning from me, how have you all been? ive been trying to read your posts (but you girls sure talk alot)
thanks for listening
lisa x x


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## jomac (Oct 27, 2006)

Dear Lisa
Ohh luvvy I feel for you - what a horrible experience.
You are so right about that one last hope and loosing that is awful. 
I hope that you find some comfort in coming back here.
take care of yourself and be gentle with yourself especially at this time of year and remeber that if you need some comfort it's jusr a keyboard away.
Lots love Joanne


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa .....

I'm so, so sorry.  This is so hard and I remember that feeling so well ....  It is soooo difficult to pull yourself out of this isn't it?  It's just so frightening, painful and misunderstood by those who haven't been through it ....

All I can say to you is, (and I hope this doesn't sound patronising) that you need to give yourself time to "allow" yourself to grieve.  Don't dwell on "why" you're "Still" crying - just do it and try not to think too much about it.  It's better out than in.

You mentioned "all hope is gone".  Huni, I know that's how it feels just now and of course, you are grieving for that very much wanted child but I hope through the support of the lovely girls on here, and through time ... you will find new "hope" again.  Granted, it may not be "hope" the way you'd planned, but maybe there are other options out there for you and I really really hope you find peace, no matter how long it takes ....

Perhaps now would be too soon, but have you read a few of the books recommended by the girls on here?  I won't go into them now, it's not appropriate at this moment in time but I can tell you, they helped me a hell of a lot.  They made me see things in a different light when I was at my absolute lowest.  Just PM me any time if you feel you'd like the details ....

Be kind to yourself and just give yourself time (hard as it is I know ....)

All my love
Gill xo


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Dear Lisa
I am so so sorry for the both of you!!!!
Firstly i just wanted to say that you are more than welcome on this thread. If we can give you the support that you need at the moment, then this is the most important thing..
I have read your post and i can see that you are hurting so much and that is quite understandable. There are two things going on here and that was making the move to finally have a go at one last treatment. The other issue is the loss of your future and of course the chance that the last vial held for you both..What a terrible pressure that it must be for the both of you.
It doesn't matter how realistic we may feel about having one last one for the road, it still comes with a whole lot of baggage. I never think these things are so cut and dry!!! So whatever you are feeling is understandable and that you must be hurting so badly.
I also can see that maybe your feelings contribute to the loss of how you see your future and the chances of having your own biological child. Well this is a huge hurdle and a huge thing for anyone to face, because its not how things we would have choosen in our lives? So again you are entitled to feel these huge emotions. Lisa be kind to yourself this is a terrible thing to face and of course to take on board. Most people at your age would not even contemplate the pain you are both going through.Maybe when you feel alittle better in yourself emotionally, you can talk to that special partner of yours...maybe just give your self time to grieve and then look at your situation again in how many months time...You may not realise it, but you do need time out.I am sure you have heard this all before, but there are some other avenues in the future...but its about dealing with your grief now, before you step in other directions...
Give yourself time to grieve...and do not beat yourself up about the treatment and thinking that you would have felt better by doing this last one..You did it because it was right at the time and you will look back in time and know that your decision was right. However, it doesn't change that pain that you are feeling today and i put that down to alot of LOSS....and as awful as it is, go with those emotions because you cannot change how you feel. Shed those tears, because they would have come out in time anyway....Be less hard on yourself. Thinking of you because i can actually feel this for you both!!
You know where we are...
lots of love astridxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Lisa hon

So sorry and saddened to see that things didn't work out for you - I know what a wrench to your heart and soul this must be for you. I don't think you were stupid at all for attempting one last go - if so that's you, me and loads of other lovely people here sweetie...

Can't better anything the other ladies have said so I'll leave it there, suffice to say am thinking of you and sending you very gentle   at the moment.

Loads of love,
Emcee xxx


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## NixNoo (Aug 19, 2005)

Oh Lisa, I can sooo relate to what you've said.  We gave up quite a number of years ago but decided to have one last shot last year and I have to say after our final failure I've felt far worse than ever before.  I think it's cos I really know it was our final attempt, because my eggs are shot and I've no tubes now so my brain really took on board that it's the end of the road for us.

The run up to Christmas was really difficult for me particularly.  As the others have said, it really is a grieving process, you almost don't understand it when you're going through it yourself.

I really hope you are feeling a little better.

Lots of love 
Nix


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hello Lisa,

As you can see, everyone is so welcoming here and I hope you will find some support here at this difficult time. I can't add much to what our wise Astrid and the others have said, just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.

Jq


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