# Its so much harder this time :O(



## A1979 (Nov 22, 2005)

I got my 3rd BFN on Monday and I am still very very tearful and struggling.

Poor DP is so angry at everything too and I feel like I have let him and everyone else down.

I met my lovely Dad at lunchtime and everywhere we looked there were pregnant ladies (but not nice pregnant ladies like those on here who really want children but horrible chavvy, trampy pregnant ladies puffing away etc etc).  Its so heartbreaking and so unfair.

I just had to get this written down cos I know I will feel better for it.  I am consumed by baby and pregnancy thoughts - I cant even do my job!  I have just been looking at bl**dy fertility sites!

DP says that I am clearly dreaming about babies because I am talking in my sleep about 'tucking them up' and 'come on darling, lets get you bathed' and 'mummys little baby'.  He has been in tears during the night whilst I am happily dreaming about motherhood.  

I am quite annoyed too as my fave nurse at my clinic (who said she would be surprised if it didnt work) was supposed to ring me and she hasnt done so.  After knowing me intimately for 3 cycles too I kind of expected a little bit more than them just doing their job.  I know I go the extra mile for certain clients just to show them that I am thinking of them.

So Hull have told me to just use my frosties (they lost 5 of my last lot instantly and the 2 that were transferred were poor after being top grade so dont have much faith in them and may move them somewhere else) and to just keep trying.  Thankfully Notts have suggested blood tests and on my next AF I will get those done along with my FSH in order to apply for egg sharing.

So as you can tell I am on one today and like I said just had to rant to someone!  Sorry ladies.

Good luck to everyone trying, congrats to everyone pg and big hugs to those with BFN's.

Love

A x


----------



## libra (Jun 23, 2006)

Hi,A,
  so sorry to hear how you are feeling.It's totally normal to fell this way.I don't know if it's any help to you,but I REALLY do understand how you are feeling.Just one week since my latest BFN.
Lots of things make me feel a failure,inadequate,make me burst into tears etc.My 2nd day back in work-2 colleagues have anounced they're pregnant!!!Only work in a tiny department.
I hope you don't mind me saying I think you are very lucky that both you & your DP seem to be aware of each others feelings.Although you both are not feeling good at the moment,hopefully you can support one another through this difficult time.Slowly things will start to feel a little more normal.
It's encouraging that Notts are going to do some further tests.
If you're like me I can spot a pregnant woman at 100 paces!Not dealing with things too well at the moment,just hoping I can recover like I have done in the past.Knowing that there are sites like this have already me me feel a bit better today-hopefully just sharing your feelings will help you over this painful & difficult time,sending big cyber hugs

love Libra


----------



## A1979 (Nov 22, 2005)

Hi Libra

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it too.  

The lady who sits opposite me has announced her pg too.  I am pleased for her but feel like its a constant reminder now that it should have been me too.  Its all everyone is talking about too which is difficult.  And they are constantly digging for info as to why I am so quiet.  Cheeky gets!  You must be in turmoil being surrounded by excited pg ladies.

I know I am really lucky to have a great relationship.  We do have our ups and downs but I love him SO much and the good times outweigh the bad.  As soon as AF is out of the way I will reward him!!  Although I think I may have forgotten what to do now its been so long.

Its really nice to 'speak' to someone who understands although I am very very sorry that you are having to go through this too.  I wouldnt wish these feelings on anyone.

I am still almost 100% positive that it will happen for me one day tho and hope that your PMA returns soon Libra.

With lots of love

Anna xx


----------



## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Oh Anna I am so very very sorry honey - there are no words I can say to make it any better. It is just the most awful, gutwrenching horrible feeling in the world, I know.

Want to send you lots of love and hugs, and good luck for your next try my lovely.

Take good care of yourself
Love
Tracy


----------



## A1979 (Nov 22, 2005)

Thanks Tracy

Feel bit better today but think its cos I am not at work.  Yesterday another girl announced her pregnancy.  Its strange because I am not jealous, it just feels peculiar because of it being so raw and a bit like 'well why not me?'.  I think its all the more difficult knowing other peoples lifestyles and knowing that I did everything possible right and still no BFP.

AF has arrived and is very painful but looking forward to getting back on track.

Now want to move our frosties to another clinic and go again asap.  Gluttons for punishment!!

Thanks again for your kind message Tracy.  I hope you are well and I hope you enjoy your weekend.

Love

Anna xxx


----------



## pi30 (Jun 8, 2005)

Hello Anna


Big hugs for you!!!!
Everywhere i look there are pregnant women or newborn babies or toddlers. People keep asking- will you have children? You lie and either say maybe one day or ....no not yet! Then feel guilty for lying.

Sick of wishing the days away so that you can get on with treatment- whilst worrying about getting older and the decreased chances it brings.

Stay strong Anna- it must be tough for you at the moment- I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Love Claire


----------



## A1979 (Nov 22, 2005)

Hi honey

PM'd you yesterday - hope you get it.

I feel like I am being punished for the times I have tried to shut people up and said 'ooo we're not ready for kids yet' or 'we want to have a few more holidays first!' when they have asked when we are going to have kids.

Feel much better today.  Just got to get my fat @rse sorted out now.  As soon as I have stopped bleeding so heavily its going to be skipping city for me to get the fat away!

Hope you are ok.  Have you got your nephew today?

Anna x


----------



## pi30 (Jun 8, 2005)

Yes hun
I got your message- work must be a total nightmare at the moment- pull a couple of sickies and chill out it will prob cheer u up.

Great to hear about care Notts- did they give u any idea of how much a cycle might cost or tests they might want to do?- Bit of a way to travel though eh- but if it means u get your gorgeous baby then you would prob travel to the moon eh!!!!!

I haven't got the boys this weekend - and am having total withrrawl symptoms- check out the cute photo in my profile of si and oz- the eldest of my nephews- he is soooooo cute- i could just eat him!!!

Dont worry about your ****- there is nothing wrong with it- u are gorgeous!!!!!

Love Claire


----------

