# scared it'll never happen again...



## louisoscar (Jan 28, 2010)

Hello. I'm new to this site and originally went on the ttc with clomid board before I stumbled across this one. Everyone here seems to be in the same boat as me and i hope you won't mind me joining you and sharing my story. I'm 34 and dh is 33.

We started ttc in 2004 and after being told there was a problem with dh's swimmers and we'd need icsi, conceived naturally in 2006. Our son was born on christmas day and is now 3 years old. Like all you ladies on here, he is my pride and joy and I think i probably cling to him at times when I feel sad and consequently he clings to me sometimes too! When he was 1 we thought we'd better try for another as it had taken so long the first time. I fell pregnant on one attempt !! but at 7.5 weeks I started spotting. It turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy and although I was lucky enough not to rupture, i ended up having my right tube removed with the baby  We had to wait another 6 months before ttc again which was torture but when we did start trying again, nothing happened. 10 months later I sought help and was prescribed clomid. I was told I could take it for 12 months which I know is not the norm and one of the things I'm worried about.....Anyway, on the 2nd cycle I was amazed to fall pregnant again. After a few early scans, we saw the baby in the right place (womb!) and a strong heartbeat at 6 weeks. Then at 11 weeks I miscarried whilst on holiday with dh and ds. It was awful. I had a d&c and luckily no complications. We are now 6 months on from that and i'm back on clomid which is making me very hormonal and sometimes irrational but at least I know it's making me ovulate regularly. Before I went on it, my cycles were all over the place; I'd always have a period but at unpredictable times and always very long cycles. A subsequent sa on dh showed there to be nothing wrong with his swimmers  so I guess that's one less thing to worry about.

After reading on here and totally relating to everyone else, I suppose I am now more worried that it may never happen again and I don't know if I can cope with that. I know so many women who are currently pregnant seemingly at the drop of a hat and it really does seem so unfair except you're not allowed to feel down because you already have a child. I suppose I just want someone to give me some hope that I will get through this and we will get what we want at the end. But then I guess that's what everyone wants!

Sorry if i've waffled, just got a lot to get off my chest, as usual!

xxx


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## Piriam (Aug 29, 2003)

Hi Louisocar - thank you for sharing your story, you haven't been waffling. It's such a hard journey to be on isn't it? I wish I could reassure you that you will get the result you want but I will     that we all do


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## witchandchips (Feb 24, 2008)

You have been through a lot, Louisoscar. 

I know some of how you feel. Our issue is with dh (as far as we know), but having established that, it was all pretty straightforward with DIUI the first time, I just assumed that it was a just a matter of time before it worked this time around. After our last failed ICSI in August, it suddenly hit me that I'm 38 (39 next month now), and I might be getting to an age where it might never work. In the mean time, dd asks sometimes whether a midwife friend of ours could put a baby in my tummy - I've explained to her how she was conceived, as well as her understanding level allows, and I've told her we're trying but it's not working, but of course I still feel bad I can't provide her with the sibling she would like.

In your favour, you're pretty young, time is on your side. I know it doesn't make the waiting any easier, but there's a good chance it'll work out for you in the end, seeing as it has done once already.

A friend of mine, mum of one of dd's school friends, had 3 m/c's year before last, before finally conceiving a sticky one a year ago, and has gone on to have a healthy son last autumn, so it can happen....

 

W&C


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## bubblicous (Jan 14, 2008)

louisoscar -  you have really been through alot  infertiltiy is such a rollercoaster but welcome to the boards and im looking forward to chatting with you i know what you mean about not meant to be down cause you have a child i dont know how many times ive heard be greatful for what you have yes i am greatful for my gorgeous girls however there is a huge hole in my heart for my dh child and my girls mean the world to me but id love to have a baby with my dh am i really selfish for wanting to give him that

feel free to come and join us on the daily chat thread http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=203442.435

witchandchips -


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## louisoscar (Jan 28, 2010)

Hey girls

Just wanted to say thanks so much for replying to my post. Even just hearing someone say I sound like I have a good chance of it happening again makes me feel better


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