# How to cope with insensitive comments?



## sdonna0582 (Mar 25, 2019)

I’m finding it harder to cope with the questions & comments from people. My friends mom asked today why I’m leaving it so late to have a child and said I’m being left behind. I laughed it off and said at this rate I’ll be 50 at the school runs, but inside it really hurt I got home and cried for 2 hours yes 2 hours straight. On the floor sobbing and sobbing. 
It hurt so much that she had said I’m being left behind as it started out we were talking about another friend I have known since she was 10 ( I am about 10 years older than her) she is 18 and just had her first, I know she is very young but it still hits me about my situation when things like this happen around me. I’m nearly 30 and feel like I am being left behind in a way. How do I cope with these stupid comments? I already avoid in laws because of vile comments I can’t avoid everybody forever but it gets me down so much.


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

It's hard but you could have just said for some people it's not so straight forward and can take longer to have a family.  That way it deflects the comments but doesn't specifically say you are having problems and at the same time gives out a bit of education.
TCCx


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Leaving it late to have a child at 28?  

Yeh you have to just be straight with people and practically spell it out 2 them sometimes. 

Although this woman sounds totally dense in all honesty so I wouldn't waste a moment of your time worrying about what she thinks.


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## Londonwriter (Mar 18, 2015)

I’m really upfront about being infertile (well, subfertile).

I explain I have a medical problem that means it’s hard to have children. People are either embarrassed and stop asking, or they’re curious and I can talk about the science and technology (I work as a science and tech writer). 

I’ve had a few stupid comments (e.g. have you tried raspberry tea?), but I pointed out that infertility is a real medical problem that can’t be solved by positive thinking or herbal remedies, in the same way as you’d never suggest positive thinking for someone who had a broken arm. I explain that, like most medical problems, finding it tough to have kids is no one’s fault.

On a secondary note, at 28 you have a lot of time to have a family, especially if you’re already on a waiting list for your first IVF. I only started trying at 33 and ended up getting pregnant (naturally after immune treatment) at 36, which means I’m now trying for #2 at 39 (!). Although it seems depressing right now, you know you have an issue at an age where your egg quality (cross fingers) should be good, you’re already set up for getting some help, and you’ve got at least 10 years to sort the problem out - so please think positive! (Or as positive as you can - everyone here knows infertility is tough)!


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## sdonna0582 (Mar 25, 2019)

I do say I am only 28 for god sake and laugh it off. I haven’t told anybody except for my mom as my oh doesn’t want anyone to k ow and I respect it is a personal issue that we want to keep to ourselves. I would be open about it but i think it’s different for men in how they feel about people knowing of infertility issues. 
I’ve had vile comments from ohs family too, I won’t even write what they have said as it is infuriating. So I just stopped seeing them 🤷🏻‍♀️. 
Thankyou for your replies it’s really helped calmed me down, and yes Londonwriter I do think that way as in we have got years to have a family yet, my fsh and lh have come back good so hoping my eggs are ok quality. I’m very stressed already about it but like you have said we have got the ball rolling and we have age on our side. 
Thankyou I’m so glad I am a member of this forum ive had nothing but kindness and support. X


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## Katie24 (Dec 18, 2018)

I totally understand to , it’s been really getting to me more so this last 6 months , it’s seems like literally everyone from family to work friends are asking me when I’m going to start “popping them out “ I’m 24 and got married a year ago , I know this time would come when people would start asking but I never knew it would be this bad and make me so upset , people don’t reolise what there actually saying !! I try to laugh it off also and just ignore them and say awww I have plans for more holidays!!! But deep down I’m breaking inside . A few weeks ago my in father in law asulted me verbally and attacked me with infertility comments I won’t even repeat calling me every name imaginable  and I cried for a week I’m still in shock now and that was 4 days after a failed Ivf (which they dident know about) I decided that I would never see him again it’s just unforgivable , thankfully my mum in law he left him . I’m due to go back to REprofit for a FET in August , it’s my 3rd cycle , 2nd cycle has to be cancer due to thin lining so fingers crossed this one works , I’l be off work a few weeks beforehand so hopefully me moving around as suppose to being behind a desk might have an impact , any other tips ? Do you all start taking the teas and vitamins and nuts etc on the first day of cycle meds or before hand ? Xxxxx


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## Katie24 (Dec 18, 2018)

I ment to say been canceled , it’s autocorrect ! Xx


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