# 17 yr old DD all 'grown-up', what do I do now?



## samblue (Apr 5, 2007)

Hi all, 
i hope you don't mind me posting on here, my DH & myself have been ttc for 10 years, 4 m/c, various tests etc, now under St Mary's (had positive looking hsg yesterday, maybe moving on to Clomid?!).
I have a 17 yr old DD from prev partner, who is my world. My DH is a fantastic father to her, has been since she was 5, and she worships him, so we're very, very lucky.
I'm 38, DH 37, and we may be facing fact that we are not going to have our own kids together (d/egg has been mentioned, DH not keen), DH seems more accepting of it than I am (says that DD is as much his as mine), but I have had many trauma's about the fact that he may never have any biological children of his own (unless he leaves me?), and that I probably won't have any more (meaning DD, only child).
Having to face all this now, when DD is almost 17, increasingly independent, regularly out with friends, very confident and happy in the world, I feel like I'm losing her!  I know that it sound silly, she still comes to me for hugs (and to borrow a tenner!), but I almost feel like I'm grieving for the fact that she is now an adult and I'm no longer needed to be a mummy.  It's not looking likely that I'm going to be a mummy to anyone else, either, so somedays I feel like I'm clinging on by my fingertips, any sad song starts me off!! 
I know how lucky I am to have her (& DH of course!), but I don't know how best to handle it, 
has anyone been in similar situation?
Sam xxx


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## samblue (Apr 5, 2007)

Thanks hun, I can manage most of the time, but it gets to me when I'm feeling 'down' or hormonal, or just being soppy! 
After reading other threads about Clomid and side-effects, and facing the vague possibility they may offer it to me, I'm a bit concerned that I'll spend all my time in floods of tears in the cupboard-under-the stairs! (with chocolate)
Where do I find the garden then? is it a 'virtual' spot somewhere, I'm bit new to all this! 
Sam xx


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## Mrs Chaos (Feb 12, 2004)

hiya
I know how you feel, and I've had clomid and it does have a tendency to turn you into a gibbering, choccy scoffing, pots and pans throwing banshee   (speaking from personal experience) 
The garden is a sub-room in the chat room hun. If you want to go into chat, use the [chat] button at the top of the main page, and it will take you to the log in page. Once in there, you will see rooms the lounge, which is main chat area, games where the weekly quiz is held (Tues 8:15 pm) the garden and other sub-rooms etc. You can log directly into the garden, or join in from the main (lounge) room (click on garden, and click enter/join garden)
If you need any help just shout 
or use this link 
********* 
hope that helps hun, any probs just holler 
ttfn
Gayn
XX


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## samblue (Apr 5, 2007)

Thanks hun, will grab my wellies and sunhat & see you in there soon! 
Have good weekend xxx


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Dear Sam
Sorry you having trouble conceiving another baby, its a very painful time and I can quite imagine that seeing your 17 year old being so indep must have mixed emotions for you too.  I feel like mine is growing up so fast and he is only five but seems old to me.
There are plenty of people in the same position and as well as the chat room there is a secondary IF thread that a lot of us post on and there is quite a bunch of us on there, some have younger school age kids and others olders so come over and have a look.
Also if you look through older posts you might spot people in similar pos ie with same age kids and you can reply to them.
Hope this helps and do hope to see you in either the chat room (I don't get there much but do aim to more) or over on the secondary thread.
Take care
Susie


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## SUSZY (Nov 3, 2006)

Dear Sam
just noticed a new thread been set up for members who have kids over 10 hope this helps
susie

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=91948.new#new


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## samblue (Apr 5, 2007)

Thanks Susie, will give them a look.
I do feel guilty for wanting another child, when so many people on here would be grateful for just one, but as I said before, its the guilt I feel for letting my DH down, that gets to me and the idea that when I'm gone DD will be all on her own (hopefully she'll have her own family by then, but I hope you know what i mean!)
I'm so proud of what a beautiful young lady my DD has become, its very difficult watching her turn into a 'grown-up' when all I want to do is keep her safe forever! I know that you have to let them go, but I think it hits you hard when you have to! 
I would say to you, savour and cherish every moment with your sweet five year old, he will grow so quickly, make the most of every second! (I'm sure you do!)
Thanks for your thoughts, take care,
luv sam xx


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