# feeling lonely



## claire82 (Mar 2, 2012)

why do things have to be so hard my sister has just had her baby i knew it was going to happen but this is the lowest Ive felt i really don't know how much more i can take my parents say they understand but they have no idea they constantly say i should be happy for her and i should go and see them seems like they just have ago at me ll i want to do is cry and shout Ive had to watch so many people have there 2nd 3rd even 5th baby. trying to get the funds together to go for treatment is hard the money is always needed somewhere else Ive looked on here to see what fertility clinics are good and not to expensive still don't know what I'm looking for.


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## shellymay (Jan 6, 2011)

Claire honey - deep breath.

It is very hard watching other people have their babies especially some one so close to you. I am pretty sure deep down I you are happy for them. Go and see them when you are ready and not before. 

Scrapping the money together to go for treatment is so difficult, it is difficult for a lot of us.

I am not sure where you live, but you should look at SERUM in Greece. It is very reasonably priced and they have the same success rate as the best clinic in London - The ARGC - which is hugely expensive. It's definitely worth a look. I know a girl who is their currently and she loves the clinic. 

Best would be to go and look at the threads on this site for that clinic.

Good Luck honey. I am thinking of you and sending you lots of strength.

Love
Michelle x


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## Debbienick (Feb 25, 2011)

Hi Claire,

You do sound very low - my heart goes out to you, I think we all know exactly how you feel and have been there ourselves at some point. I cant offer any advise on IVF but just wanted to post to say try to be strong and come on here to vent or just get some support. whenever you are feeling down. 

It will get easier with your sister and her baby - once they are here and are a little person rather than an annoying bump that reminds us what we are struggling to achieve you cant help but fall in love with them. Just take your time and dont let anyone force you to go to visit until you are ready.

Lots of love and   xx


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## Bubblicious (Jul 8, 2010)

It will get easier, hun.  I remember being told of ten family/friends prgnancies in the space of five months and I thought I'd never get over it.  Somehow, we moved on.  Then, those ten babies were born and we were still not pregnant and that devastation swept over me again.  But before our final attempt at treatment, things got better, we just decided that enough was enough, we found the strength to turn around our thinking, to focus on all the good stuff we had.  We were only making ourselves sad and for what?

You are not alone.  Sending you   and strength.


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## stumpy_UK (Aug 5, 2011)

Oh Claire, it's so hard. I remember plastering a smile on my face when my sister had her first and then having to counsel her thru her distress when she didn't conceive another for years. And yet it seemed ok for her to make jokes about my infertility. Families, eh?

It sounds as though you are struggling. Have you thought about asking your gp to refer you to a counsellor? Your family isn't prvoiding great support as they don't understand and it also sounds like you get into stressful conversations when you try and talk to them. A counsellor is a safe place to offload without judgment. And that might give you the space to get your feelings out without causing problems in the family. I also found it useful to plan how I would deal with something and work out the process for dealing with it. 

My counsellor has been such a help in dealing with all of this and with sorting out that blur of thoughts and emotions so I could see the wood for the trees. xxx


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## Jack5259 (Sep 20, 2011)

Im with you on this one, you certainly find out who the true friends are and actually the ones who are full of "£$%.  I have had a few, but Im backing away now from people who make me feel uncomfortable, which doesnt make me happy but aviuds the awkwardness and falseness of a friendship which isnt genuine.  Keep your pecker up Claire, this forum is great for venting on!


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## ALWAYSWISHING (Nov 6, 2011)

Hi, I know exactly how you feel, my sister is pregnant. We have just had news that DH vasectomy reversal has most likely failed. My step daughter has a new baby , there is no escape 

I have found it really difficult to cope this week, and am sick of been told there are people worse off and I need to get over it  

 that we all get some good luck soon

xxxx


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## poppysmum (Jun 5, 2012)

H Claire. Im new to this forum but can understand where you are coming from.  Im 32 and had my son naturally 8yrs ago. Now im trying to fall preg and have been for 18mths. But the amount of friends I know that have fallen preg in the last few weeks is making me feel resentful that they are so successful and we're struggling. What's made it worse for us is people saying that they're daughter/friend etc fell preg by accident and it wasnt planned grrrr. Our gp told us we may not be eligible for nhs ivf as i have a son, but like you we've looked into private ivf and the money side of things is hitting us hard.  Our basic pricing up here at the moment is approx 4500. A lot more than we can afford.


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## KBarnes (Jun 11, 2012)

Hi Claire,

I am in that very position now. My brother in law and his girlfriend have had their 20 week scan and revieled they were having a boy. Whilst I am married with one beautiful daughter, I can’t help but feel the loneliest I have ever felt. My husband says I am overreacting as I can’t stop crying and I can’t even talk to him about it as he says he is happy for his brother. I am happy for them as they have had a rough time but when will good things happen to good people?  

I have been trying for 2 ½ years but I haven’t been on any contraception for 6 years. We have tried Clomid but stopped it after 6 months. We can’t afford IVF and can have nothing on the NHS as we already have a child. I have no other option of carrying a child and I don’t even know what is wrong with me.

I don’t know what to do but I cant go on like this. I feel sick most of the time and I cant talk about it to the people that mean the most to me as I fear I will upset them and I don’t want tto upset them. I smile and try my hardest to skirt the issue but it is in my face every single day. I have even had to order her maternaty clothes to keep every one happy regardless of my inner turmoil. 

I suppose optimism is our only hope, “what will be will be”. Loads of hugs and cuddles to you. Chin up! xxx


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## DBaby2 (Jul 29, 2010)

Hi Claire/KBarnes,  hope you ok.  I'm not sure I can 100% help but to let you know you are not alone.  We have an amazing 3 1/2 yr old DD.  When we started on this fertility journey 3yrs ago it hit me like a brick.  I literally cried everyday and went into depression (thats not like me I'm quite a happy person generally).  Had lots of tests and were luckily enough to cash in some shares to afford ICSI.  First time was a success but I suffered a long 5 weeks m/c.  We will try one more time thats all the money we have.  I realised that the fertility journey was eating me up.  I would think of nothing else morning til night and wake up sweating at night and cry.  I just simply wanted to be alone - and sometimes still do.  I'm lucky my DH did all he could to support me but even he was getting down with my moods.  Our relationship changed and not for the better (all is fine now).  I then experienced someone going through the same who had become quite bitter about those who had more than 1 child and it is not nice.  It made me realise that this whole process could turn me the same way and life is too short and too precious to waste on something I have no control over.  My moods were affecting my DD too and I was really snappy with her and short temptered.  Its simply not fair on her.  

So I made a plan and decided I had to have goals in life.  It has started with doing some exercise everyday and ready books and not brooding infront of the TV (and occasionally coming on here!).  I'd like to accomplish a triathlon at some point.  I am going to start taking my DD for ski-ing lessons and horse riding etc.  I make a conscious effort to enjoy other women's happiness when they are pg (and feel a bit down when alone), I cuddle all the babies I can and enjoy them (but remind myself of the sleepless nights and pooy nappies that I don't miss!).  Its hard at first but once you put yourself in the right frame of mind it helps, well it has helped me anyway.  

So, there is hope and the women on this site are really helpful and have helped me through the most difficult of times as no-one else understands what its like to go through this pain.  People try but they simply don't get the long suffering pain we go through.  Its easier not to talk to them as they come out with such rubbish its infuriating (even my own mother who I love dearly).

No one can help with costs but my understanding is if you are prepared to egg share you can get paid for that (although not for everyone).  

I don't know if this is any help but thought I'd share my experience with you.  I hope you see it through ok.

Be kind to yourselves. xx


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## sanfrancisco (May 15, 2010)

You are not alone .There is very little sympathy for secondary infertility,you are expected to get on with it.I suffered with both in a way,ivf for ds and naively thought I would get caught with no 2.I am not the person dh married,overweight,don't bother with my looks much,not much effort in the bedroom dept,although we had to make the effort for obvious reasons and preoccupied with my fertilty or the lack of it!I also feel as though I've not made the most of ds as I became preoccupied on concieving as soon as periods returned after ds.I am not the person to advise you as I did'nt  deal with it very well.Just keep coming on here,vent your frustrations,confide with us on your down days .We understand like others can't.I have a happy end to my story hopefully,I am now 4 months pregnant-it took us 3 fresh and 1 frozen cycle,an awful lot of money and heartache to get there,but I am now looking forward to completing our little family and get  the sibling for ds that he so deserves. My dh is hoping that he gets the old wifey back and so do I I may move on hopefully but I will never forget the pain of infertility,the most painful journey in my life so far.Thinking of you hun and hoping a little miracle comes your way  xx


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