# Telling family and friends



## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Just wondering when people told their family and friends about their trying to conceive as a single woman? I've told my mam and sister who are very supportive (very surprised my sister is as she is very traditional in the fact she thinks people should be married before having children!) and told the majority of my close friends. Everyone I've told so far have responded positively which is fab for me. Now the problem is I'm not sure when to tell the rest of my family? I'm currently waiting for two ovarian cysts to resolve, which will hopefully be in the next two months when I've got an appointment back at the clinic to rescan and if all is well start the process of egg sharing then. Not sure whether to tell the family once I start treatment or to just wait until I get a BFP (I know it may not work first time so if or whenever that may be....). I come from a very close, supportive family who I've always joked with that 'I'm off to the sperm bank when I'm 30...' so I don't think it will come as a surprise to them that I've took the bull by the horns and started this. So just wondering what other people had done with regards to telling people? Thanks
xxx


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## Min80 (Jan 5, 2013)

Hi djjim22.  I was quite open about the whole process with friends but when it came to family I told only my mum and siblings.  I didn't see the point of telling extended family as I thought it would just be a source of gossip and debate, and possibly unwanted advice.  Also it wasn't really any of their business as I wouldn't be telling all my relatives if I was in a relationship and trying for a baby.

In the end it was my mum who told all my extended family (with my permission) as she sees them more than I do.  I must have been around 15/16 weeks pregnant at the time.  I was a bit worried about the reaction I would get but everyone was thrilled.


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## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

I'm still trying, but right now only a handful of friends know. Most of them are supportive, at least to my face, with just one trying to put me off the idea because 'having kids is hard', as if I didn't know and it would make me change my mind. 

I decided from the start not to tell my family until I am pregnant however. My family is not only very traditional, but they are quick to give their opinions where they're not wanted. I love them dearly but I either want support or nothing at all. They'll be happy once they are used to the idea but for now it's easier this way for me. Knowing them, once I tell them what I've done and that I'm pregnant they won't voice their disapproval (if they do) because what's done is done. 

Overall, I figured that if I was with someone I wouldn't tell my family I was trying for a baby so why should I tell them now?


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Thanks Min80 and Pollita. Seems we all have similar views and you're right, if we were in a relationship we wouldn't be telling everyone we were trying for a baby would we? My extended family are great, but sometimes I think we are so close that people do voice their opinions. They would all have something to say (probably along the lines of 'will you be able to cope on your own?' 'how will you cope financially?' and yes the old 'babies are hard work') but once I'm pregnant would be very supportive. Thanks girls for the advice!


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## notamuggle (Jan 15, 2013)

I've told all my close friends and family. It was such a massive life choice for me to make I wanted to discuss it with my nearest and dearest, of which I'm lucky to have lots! Luckily everybody has been incredibly supportive x

It also means I get a lot of support when things haven t gone so well which has been invaluable 

 xxx


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## Maxi2 (Feb 27, 2014)

On my first cycle I told all my family and friends because I was so excited at being given the hope of a pregnancy as prior to our icsi we had no hope. It was good to have everyone support, however it really felt the pressure in the 2ww and I regretted it big time.  When it was a negative result I wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear.  This time round I've only told my mom and one of my sisters as she's been thru icsi and her advice is really valuable.  I'm definitely happier this way as there is a whole lot less pressure and I think that's the last thing we need. 

Xx


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Djjim
I was initially quite open but then after the miscarriage in 2010 and repeated failures I decided to tell very few people I was still having treatment for I was fed up of having to pass on bad news all the time.  

All along I must say that most people have, on the whole been supportive at the start when I was more open and now many have been given quite a surprise when I have been able to tell them I have a positive again after them thinking I had given up!   I have not been well at work so I had to tell a few at work and even there they have been positive with those that mention a partner I have just told them I am doing this alone.  In fact I found it quite intriguing there was such interest from female colleagues/friends from who I have the impression are interested in doing the same asking for details of where I went etc.  I still have this cervical stitch to go through and so I could lose these babes again but I believe I will have some support now if that happens.  Its helpful a few people know so that they can understand and be a support should you need it.  It's good to be able to share the happiness whilst it lasts   
TCC x


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Thanks again everyone for the advice. Notamuggle I'm also very very lucky to have such supportive family and friends but as maxi2 says I'm aware the more people who know, the more people there will be asking through the 2ww. But I'm also aware that sometimes when things go wrong it's great to have friends and family to support you. When I miscarried at 17 very few people knew I was pregnant which made the whole grieving process harder. Tincancat, as for the work thing I'm a nurse in a hospital so when I'm going through treatment/when I hopefully get a BFP people will realise I'm pregnant as I can't do x-rays, look after certain patients etc. How many weeks are you know with your twins? I actually work on a neonatal unit so hopefully you wont need to but if your little ones come early feel free to get in touch if you have any questions as premature babies are my daily life! Fingers crossed you won't need to take me up on the offer though.xx


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Djjim 
I am just 11 weeks: seems real now I have seen them 3 times since 6 weeks.
Good luck 
TCC X


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## even (Apr 15, 2012)

I've told very few people.  
It's sad that I don't have more people who are trustworthy enough to tell but I'm definitely glad I've managed to be strong enough to not tell more people as people are generally so insensitive about it in my experience.  Of course, for some people NOT telling is the weak thing to do, depends on your circumstances I guess.
A male friend of mine (who likes to bang on about how much he cares about me and I'm his oldest friend etc) dragged the information out of me, offered to give me his sperm, then withdrew his offer when I asked him after my 2nd attempt was in the process of failing.  
A female friend of mine, who had been very supportive, rammed the news of her 2nd pregnancy (she has a child already) down my throat, then the next time we talked chastised me for not reacting to her baby news with whoops of joy.
My sister is now pregnant and her and the family like to ram that down my throat too.  
My periods have stopped due to the stress of all this, they're so selfish to do what they do but the fact that their selfish behaviour is now directly messing up my chances of ever getting pregnant is infuriating.  I avoid them as much as I possibly can.  I wish I could cut them out of my life altogether.  This charade of a family is very waring.
Sorry, I feel like I've hijacked this thread but chat doesn't work on my computer and I don't have the time and energy to fix it because my life's such a mess, frankly.  But still through all this I soldier on, I wish this was the only challenge I had or have had, but it's not.  I'm generally a very upbeat person but there comes a point for all of us where we feel like breaking.  
There are some presentations on here that you can download to show to family and friends but I haven't seen one for single women......it's just another one of those things where you feel like screaming, "yes, and I've had to do all this ALONE!!!!!!!!!!"
I count my blessings, pick myself up and move on but I really wonder where all this will end sometimes.  
Good luck to you all, all I can say is that if people let you down when you tell them, at least you now know who they really are and how much, if at all, you want to trust them with your children in the future.
ev xxx


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