# Contacting known donors



## GlobalTraveller (Oct 17, 2006)

Hi everyone, 
                I hope it's ok for newbies to post polls.  I have spent some time recently thinking about what is going to happen in about 18 years time.  The worst case scenario for me is an angst ridden teenager contacting me to say that being donor conceived ruined their life and that they blame me.

Is it likely that you or your children will want contact and what is the best way to handle it?  I have thought of writing a mini autobiography to hand over to start with and go from there.  If they want more information then we will be able meet in person.  

Anonymous donors definately had it easier.  When I started, the whole known donor issue was just becoming a reality and the clinic staff told me that virtually all of their current donors did not want to give up their anonymity.  The HFEA should not have been surprised by the big drop in donor numbers.

Cheers,
GT.


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## olivia m (Jun 24, 2004)

All the evidence is that if you 'tell' children their donor conception story from when they are very young, they will have integrated the information to such an extent by teenage years that curiosity about a donor can co-exist with excellent family relationships.  It is those young people who live with their parents holding a secret that they are told or find out later, who feel angry and betrayed and often have a strong desire to have significant contact with the donor.  Only 50 per cent of adopted people want to find information about their birth families and a much smaller percentage go on to meet them.  It may well be like this for donor conceived children.  We don't know yet.  But what is clear is that 'telling' is much better for healthy relationships in families than non-telling.
Olivia


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