# New member...



## jo36 (Aug 12, 2008)

Hi my name is Jo and I joined up earlier today. My partner and I already have a beautiful daughter who is fast approaching 4 yrs, who was conceived by anonymous donor (IUI) on our 2nd attempt back in 2004. 

I've always wanted to extend our little family but as the years go by so does my biological clock!!! My partner has always made it clear that it's up to me if we try again, but I know she is fine with just the one. The problem is she works 50 hrs a week so that I can work part time and be the main carer. I'm not sure our finances can be pushed any further what with the 'credit crunch' as well. Am I being selfish in wanting to have another baby when life is going so well for us all?

I don't think my age is helping, I'm 36, and I keep thinking it's now or never. One day I'm fine with it all, then the next I'm yearning to be pregnant again! I know I'm not ready to accept things as they are as when my DP mentions sorting through the baby things I burst into tears at the thought of never using them again. 

To make matters worse, today in the car, my daughter asked me if I could get a baby in my tummy as she "really needs a baby sister"!! I discussed with her how babies cry a lot, take up a lot of time, and that he or she would have to come on holidays with us aswell!! She said she didn't mind as she would "love it and feed it and cuddle it"!! I then felt so very sad for her as an only child, always having to make up role plays by herself and mothering her babydolls. I'd do it for her alone... 

Sorry to babble on but I was wondering if anyone has been, or is, in a similar situation.

Thanks,

Jo


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## pipgirl (Jul 11, 2007)

Hey there,

Dont feel bad.
I havent been in this situation (yet) but wanted to reply anyway.
The credit crunch will resolve itself eventually and its something we just have to ride out for now..we spent a lot of money to get this far and doubtless will be spending more in the future to increase our family.
My mum told me something really helpful a while back when we were first in tx...she said 'if youre waiting till you can afford a baby/family...you will never have one because nobody is ever financially ready and if you added up all the costs you would never have kids at all'

You have to bear in mind thatpeople on much lower incomes (or no incomes) have kids, often loads of them, and yes they might not have the meals out of foreign holidays ect but the kids dont starve and thats often despite the fecless parents spending all their benefits on booze, cigs and drugs! Hee Hee (how judgemental of me!)

Seriously though, if you can have another baby it will be great for your daughter..it can be difficult to grow up without another child to bounce off/argue with ect...so your daughter wants a baby sister eh? What would she make of a baby brother? I guess that now is probably the time to be thinking about it so theres not too big of an age gap ect..

Good luck with your decision

Pip


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## jo36 (Aug 12, 2008)

Thanks Pip for your reply, all wise words I know!! And exactly what I would say to someone in the same situation!! Just harder to get your head around it when it's your own life! And very wise words from your mum!!I'm going to sit down this evening and chat to my other half about it and hopefully get back in contact with the clinic we used last time. We have saved sibling sperm there.

And Congratulations on your pregnancy, I've just noticed your signature at bottom of your mesage. What exciting times ahead for you both!! I remember it soooo well. Enjoy!!

I'm not sure what my little one would make of a baby brother! Hopefully she wouldn't mind too much...

Thanks again.

jo


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

hi Jo

Just wanted to say HI and hope your chat went well with DP.

totally agree with Pipgirl and my mum has said the same to me many times ... there is never the 'perfect' time and im sure a brother or sister would be a lovely thing for your DD.

hopefully you will get pregnant just as quickly with your second child!!

 

aimee


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## rosypie (Feb 1, 2007)

yep, I'll echo that too. there's never a perfect time to have a baby. both times we just had the baby and, as long as we had somewhere to live and some level of income, we worked it out - a cut back here and there, making economies, etc. even now, we just lengthened our mortgage so I can continue staying at home.

it does sound like something you'd regret if you never had (or at least tried for) another child. they really are little for so short a time, you just need to survive those early years and then you can get back to full time incomes...


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## bagpuss1 (Feb 26, 2005)

Hi Jo,

I just wanted to echo what everyone has said, we are in the middle of trying for a sibling for Edie. Financially it is crippling us but we are determind to keep trying until we have come to the natural end- either we run out of sibling sperm (only have three attempts left and a non-bio sibling is not an option for us) or money or we both go mad. It will be hard financially for a while but as long as we can say to Edie that we tried hard, then we can rest at ease (I think).

My heart just breaks at the thought of not providing Edie with a sibling, she is such a sociable little girl and just loves other kids (obviously this may not be the case with a brother and sister).

I am 34 and who knows when my fertility will start to decline, for me it is now or never despite finances. We can sort out whatever mess we are in financially in the future but I am not sure how easy it would be to sort my head out if we hadn't atleast tried.

I dont know, the decision is yours but thought I would give you my story, the road ahead will be tough if you decide to go for treatment but will it be tougher for you if you hadn't tried?

Kerry


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## jo36 (Aug 12, 2008)

Thank you all for your very appreciated replies...I was shocked by how many!! 

Bagpuss - like you we will only consider using the same donor if/when we ttc. We had 5 vials saved back in 2004 so not a huge supply and when it runs out so does the road to conceive a sibling for DD. Thank you for your very similar story. 

I have spoken to DP who, as I suspected, is leaving it down to me...why do they do that!!!! She is very concerned that it won't be as easy as before and having to deal with the ups and downs of a hormonal girlfriend! I didn't think I was too bad last time but she begs to differ...

Anyway we have decided to see a consultant at our previous clinic to see what the odds are for my age/ amount of sibling sperm left/ amended prices for IUI etc. And then we'll take it from there...

Many thanks again,

Jo


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

goodluck JO wishing you loads of          
for the next part of the journey!


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## jo36 (Aug 12, 2008)

Thanks Aimee... and here's wishing you all the luck in the world with your treatment    And of course everyone else...   

Jo


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