# Tiny moan needed...



## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

Hi all,

I'm sorry in advance but just wanted to air and not feel the only one feeling like this. DH & I were approved 3 weeks ago now and sw said would be 'in touch' after Easter.. .I detest the whole 'I'll be in touch' speech as I need to know where I'm at!

Please don't misread this, Im not expecting matches or even much to say but just would prefer a catch up 'date agreed' to advise us of how we proceed from here, i.e. how often we'll be in touch etc etc.  Even prior to panel, although she's been lovely I always feel like were bothering her as she has more important stuff to do, again I understand that theres lots their doing at once but surely they also realise how it is for us on the other end of the unknown, they say they'll call on X then don't, I'm a do what I say person and expect (wrongly) others to do the same, sw says I'm anxious I call it manners and just expect someone to do what you they say they will. 

Please tell me I'm not along feeling / thinking like this, Im not even excited to progress with the room etc yet as I think whats the point, nothings going to happen overnight, its harder to keep looking at it with the 'when' in our heads so may as well take our time! xx


----------



## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Hello! I know exactly what you mean.  Our sw has got much better the longer we've been waiting for a match, but to start off she wasn't great at keeping in touch.  I dealt with it by emailing her with a question to do with work and giving notice or something like that so it didn't sound like I was checking up on her, and that always prompted a response and then a visit.  I usually gave 3-4 weeks in between hearing from her and did that if she hadn't been in touch.  With our sw I know that she is working away behind the scenes, but I think because she knows what is going on, she sometimes forgets that we don't.  Is it worth contacting your sw and perhaps suggesting you contact her every 3-4 weeks if you haven't heard from her? At least then it gives you a bit of control.  Good luck and   You find your little one very soon


----------



## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi I feel your pain
I notice you started your adoption process in September. 
We started in August, finished all our homework within 7 weeks, SW was impressed at the speed we worked. Then we waited, and waited, eventually started stage 2 in Feb. 
Finished HS in March, again after lots of hard work. 
Yet we don't go to panel until June?!?!

We went on prep with families from the neighbouring LA, all of our prep group friends have already been approved. We are the only ones not. I asked SWs and they just said they couldn't understand and that our friends must have started much earlier than us. But they didn't. 
I'm so frustrated. 
I really think we will be left in the lurch after AP and god only knows when we will get LO. 
I was so excited and optimistic before, now I feel constantly deflated and like it will never happen for us. I was desperate to start getting things ready and now I've lost my momentum and just feel pessimistic. 
There is no good reason for the 10month process, except SS under resourcing. They told us it would be 6 months. 

So I do understand and I feel for you. It's hard to pester SW as I'm worried about ******* them off and not helping our cause. 
But yes it is terribly bad manners of them not to keep to their word. 

Congrats on your approval and unhip emit won't be too long for you now. 
Good luck xx


----------



## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Haha didn't realise the p word was so naughty - it came up as "censored word"!! 
I'd better wash my mouth out.


----------



## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

Thanks both, and I feel your frustration Goofygirl, June will soon be here and then yes like us you will be waiting after AP  

Sq9 the thing is she's got to know me well she thinks Im anxious etc yet really Im not I just do what I'll say I will etc, she always commented on how quick I responded with things she asked for etc but why wouldn't I? if we had it and she wanted it then why wait? seems silly to me, and before panel were advised there are a couple of children in mind, and on panel day it was 'she'll be doing stuff behind the scenes' but if she's doing potential matching then surely we would see a profile?... she'll have things under control her end like you say I don't doubt that but I do really feel like I can't call and enquire as she's expecting it so I'm playing her game and waiting patiently...lol, but its blooooooming hard :-(


----------



## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

GoofyGirl said:


> Haha didn't realise the p word was so naughty - it came up as "censored word"!!
> I'd better wash my mouth out.


passes the soap >>>


----------



## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

I want to buy things too... but at the same time want to be sensible and wait until we know 'our lo' and pink or blue


----------



## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

Waiting patiently my SW thinks the same about me for the same reasons! So irritating!!

I get why your annoyed I know our panel feedback is now mean we won't get matched for months and months if at all and it's super annoying!


----------



## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

babas said:


> Waiting patiently my SW thinks the same about me for the same reasons! So irritating!!
> 
> I get why your annoyed I know our panel feedback is now mean we won't get matched for months and months if at all and it's super annoying!


Oh Babas I feel your pain after what you have said you have been through, but Im sure they will match you and it feels worse as its so raw, theres no point in approving you to then not match you with a lo, don't forget all those lo's out there need forever families, so your authority need you as much as you need them! Chin up sweetie hope your feeling better about things soon xx


----------



## Kelloggs (Aug 15, 2011)

I have a feeling that I'll have the same frustrations. I only rang an agency on Thursday and they said they'd ring within 5 days. That's driving me mad already! I'm a person that needs to know when things are happening. Not good with just going with the flow. Got a lot to learn haven't i lol xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

Yes   The thing is we all Im sure fully understand it and are happy to be patient, I just would prefer a we will meet on 'x' date and discuss 'xyz' then see where we go from there, even if its a month away, it stops you worrying you've missed calls or emails! They have an extremely stressful job and workload I don't doubt but hey, try being on the other end where your future is in their hands, just as stressful and could be made easier with 'slightly' better communication skills, good luck on your journey Kelloggs xx


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

We had very similar problems, and its as you say - checking emails all the time, just being anxious really.

We had a subcontracted SW who did our home study as teh VA we were with were very short staffed at the time, we were OK with this as she was lovely, and we got on with her really well.

However after Approval Panel we were assigend a new SW who would be our 'family finder' and post placement SW (at least until the AO anyway).

There was menat to be a handover meeting with our old SW, the new one and us both.  Unforunately the new one didn't turn up as she 'didn't get the message/didn't work that day/was too late in the day/whatever reason she made up'. 
Therefore we finally had a proper meeting at Approval Panel, briefly before we went in.

We should have taken the first "meeting" as a sign for things to come, after promising us a meeting after Approval panel we heard nothing further from her, we emailed and telephoned but never got a response.

5 Weeks passed and we eventually made a complaint to her manager for a lack of communication, apparently she was in the process of looking for children for us - she didn't even know us well enough to filter - she was going off our PAR, and not the notes that went with it!!!

Well, we caught her out.  
We were told she had added us to the National Register after we requested to be put on straight away (we lacked confidence in her), so my DW called to register to check - Our SW had attempted to apply but had missed off our considerations and didn't leave her full name, nor any contact details, so it would never have been entered into the system.

We probably went to the Activity Day much earlier due to her lack of action, we wanted to feel involved but when you haven't received any profiles (it was 8 weeks by then) it was getting annoying.  Maybe it was meant to be as we found our LO at that event.

After we had told our SW we wanted more info, we decided to deal with LO's SW face-to-face and only 'cc' ours in any conversations, we realised due to her shift pattern (which we had to ask her manager about) it could take 5 days before she got our messages!!

Then suddenly after we had found our LO, we were sent loads of profiles, apparently just to make sure we had found the right one!!

The best thing we did was complain to her manager, but even now we find she isn't worth the time of day.  We urgently need help to understand some problems we are having with LO (violent problems) and the best she could say was "I couldn't do what you do" - helpfull!!

There's more than this, which we are going to compile and send back to the agency after we receive the AO and our SW is out of our lives for good. 

Good luck, but please keep the pressure on.


----------



## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Terrible service Paul. Good luck with AO. Can't believe what she said i.e. "I couldn't do what you do."!!!!! Rather unprofessional. 

I'm starting to feel really powerless too, like our whole future is in someone else's hands and they really have no idea how stressful that can be. 
I'm dreading waiting for links already.


----------



## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

We are in same position. We were approved 13 weeks ago and only 1 failed link. We never get a call to ask how we are doing or any support and ive tried the whole emailing but her work load is huge . We feel like we are a ticky box exercise and now having to wait for a match. I always said i didnt care how long we hsve to wait but i do care . Ive registered interest in a few children in children who wait and be my parent yet no one gets back to us. I have a nursery that is finished apart fron clothes and toys and its sitting there empty.


----------



## Loopylou29 (Mar 4, 2013)

We talk at adoption prep groups and we always give the same bits of advice;

Don't compare yourself to others from your prep group as it can be disheartening even though there are hundreds of variables which make an adoption journey unique. 

We also advice people to agree how contact with be done post approval and agree a time scale. Also agree if you want your sw to filter out any profiles they know would not be an appropriate match instead of you getting the profile to read.

Our sw was fantastic and would email, ring or text once a month. We trusted her to act as a filter and we only ever saw 1 profile but he has been home over 2yrs and we had a half sibling follow. It took 9months to see that profile but it was definitely the right match. 

Yes there are lots of children waiting but matching is not easy and nor should it be. We were the last from our prep to be matched but someone has to be last however we were the first to go through the process again. Those 9 months of waiting are like a distant memory.


----------



## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

We waited awhile and were never sent any profiles. What our sw did was send us to coffee mornings, this is where they have lots of childrens profiles on display that you can read and chat with their sw. One is held once a month. We found one on the first morning but it turned out to be a competative matching and we didn't get chosen. But in the second coffee morning we found our son. Again competative matching but this time we were chosen to be his mummy and daddy.  
My advise would be to ask your sw if they have coffee mornings etc. At least you will feel like you are doing something, I also checked out be my parent and if I saw any children that I thought yes I would like more info I emailed our sw. (I have been told that our LA no longer have a family finder/matcher it is down to the sw or the adopters to find their child?) so check with your LA just incase this is also the same in your area. Then you will know if you need to start looking independently and requesting profiles etc.


Good luck


----------

