# anyone used a known donor???



## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Hi all

I've not posted up much, but been reading all your posts - it really is so useful hearing what you are thinking & feeling. Fingers crossed for all of you having difficult times at the moment.

Been doing lots of thinking and am pursuing using a known donor and starting at home (money could be an issue so thought i'd try this first).  Weirdly though it looks like the donor might be a friend of a friend, so i'll know them but not well.  Anyone else pursued this option? or used a known donor/friend? any advice would be much appreciated.

Am off to LWC for the Inseminar at the end of June so I might still go down the clinic route if the known donor becomes too complicated...feels a little weird thinking about doing it at home!

Thanks
Lx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I am using a close friend who was also a work colleague, we started off at home and then moved to the Bridge clinic and then ARGC and have since completed 4 IVF/ICSI cycles, resultiing in one mc'd and have been at this 3 years now, we also went to the clinic as a known donor.  

I would strongly recommend that he has as well as a full sexual health screen a sperm analysis and count, or you could end up like us with a low count identified at the clinic (as 30-40% of men have) and needing ICSI. Also if he is donating for you also need to be reassured about his sexual habits-my donor is in a long term committed relationship to a man.

There are also the legal aspects to consider and being open about whta each of you expects, plus the committment to be available for you when you have LH surge for 3 days insems in a row.

I have no regrets in using a known donor and I have had such support from my donor and his partner. I actually found home insems more stressful than a course of IVF as I felt very responsible for co-ordination etc and then giving the negative results to them, once you have done the first insem it is fine, it is a bit surreal but you'll soon get used to talking about sperm counts etc . Please pm me with any q's you have. Many of the girls on the gay and lesbian thread have used a known donor too

L


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

thanks L.  
V useful advice. Handily he is already a donor at Barts so all tests already done which is great, although that then throws additional siblings knocking about into the mix - something else to think about! oh la la....

The thing I find weird is that he isn't a close friend of mine but friend of friend, so I've never met him.  We are just at the stage of emailing each other and finding out more. So its kind of like an anonymous donor but someone who you will see in the future. I'm trying to think of it as half-adopting and that there would be contact with birth father...what that means still needs to be discussed.

Thanks again - might well PM you when I've thought of more things, if that's ok.
Best
Lx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

For us it is more of a shared journey.

I guess it working out the contact and legalities, Natalie the FF lawyer is a great help on these matters, and that the families he creates via the clinic are in a different situation.  As I mentioned some of the girls on the gay and lesbian thread have used similar donors situations but most have little or no contact afterwards. I would also consider  why he is now donating via a non clinic route- does he want more contact or is he just helping you out etc- and does he know how many families he created so far, as those children are able to apply to the donor register to trace siblings when they are older, and when marrying so that they are not  TTC with one of their siblings  but yours won't be able to etc.

Great news that he is already screened.  When my firend was having treatment at Barts they only had 3 donors at the time so she imported hers.
L x


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## Tommie (Mar 17, 2008)

Hello,

  I am using a known donow I found online. It took me almost a year to decide him to be a known donor. He has provided me his most recent medical record as well as his official record as to occupation, etc. In fact, as I chose to try to conceive with IVF, he had to sign on the agreement to be a father and submit his official document to the clinic which was enough to prove he was him. 

It's not difficult to find a known donor online but the biggest reason I chose him was that he seemed to be a good person and I liked the fact he has been a single father and takes very good care of his children. 

I think it's a personal preference whether to go for a known donor or anonymous donor. There are pros and cons...

Hoping all the best to all of us

Tommie


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