# Single, cancer survivour and wanting to go it alone.....need advice please!



## Miss Scarlett (Aug 9, 2011)

Hi everyone,

I have recently decided to look in to having a baby alone once again. I decided to do this originally in 2011 but was told the devastating news that I had cancer just as I was about to begin fertility treatment. I am now in my 2nd year of remission but I still have 3 years at least to go. I have bee told the cancer cannot be passed on to a child which is a massive relief! So I have made the decision that I really want to have a child now rather than wait for the maybe Mr Right as life is very short and I am almost 32 with no sign of him but I know there are plenty of Mr Wrongs! I have just come out of yet another failed relationship! I am fed up of obstacles in my life!

Fertility wise I have recently also just had a second check to see if my tubes are ok and they are (again a relief), also the PCOS I was diagnosed with in 2009 is now not really noticeable (they found a few more follicles than should be there) and have been told it is mild PCOS! (what?). I also in the last 3 months started having regular periods which I have been told means I am probably ovulating (before I would have maybe 4 a year which meant I was not ovulating, just that my body had to have a period and therefore I would have a bleed). I have also been told by the fertility nurse not to worry about my PCOS while I am having regular periods and I stand a good chance at conceiving.

Anyway so I am looking in to my options once again and really need some advice about going down the single mum/sperm donor route. I am not officially under the fertility team any longer so I can't keep going to them with endless questions.

I posted this on the forum in 2011 and got lots of responses to it from single women which really helped me at the time http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=269778.msg4612272#msg4612272

I want to start looking in to using donor sperm but I need some recommendations. I am thinking of just doing AI at the moment and not IUI or IVF as due to the regular periods I am hoping I will conceive but I was looking at costs and when I went on and Googled it I think the Women's Health Clinic is £850 per cycle!! Which is so much money!

Please don't get me wrong, I am not under any illusion this will be cheap or easy but does anyone know where to start looking or average cost?

I am not looking to co-parent, it may sound selfish but I would rather it be an anonymous donor as I don't want the hassle this could bring and I think if I go down this route I want the child to 100% mine, I have a good support network so the child would not go without love or a male figure in their life.

Anyone who has been down this road who can help? I am despairing and feel lost at the moment so would love some advice? I also work in a maternity unit so I am seeing pregnant women and babies every day which breaks my heart little by little each day 

Many thanks to you all.

MS x


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

£850 is about the going rate for mostclinics for IUI - which DOES have higher success rates than AI. 
However, there are many women on here who have had success with AI! 
There are sperm banks that will deliver to home addresses or let you have delivered to a hotel abroad. 
How you go about it will probably depend upon a few factors, including work/time commitments, how regular your periods are and how much you can afford to spend per insemination.
If you are clockwork regular now (doubtful being a PCOS sufferer myself) then you will probably need a 12 day tank which will increase the costs.
Likelihood is that it will cost the same as IUI in a clinic, BUT you will have far more opporunities to be successful with insemination rather than the one shot that IUI uses.
There is a thread on Cryos that maybe worth exploring.

As for anonymous or non-anonymous from a donor bank - that is a decision you will need to think about carefully. Thinking about potential implications for any child in the future. Again lots of women opt for this, but an informed decision is best with all options explored.

As for going it solo, many women are doing this successfully. I am  now pregnant and single.  Make sure that you have a good support network set up and plan for all eventualities. One of the big things for me, was the security of knowing that I have a family whom would raise my child as I wish - I know not every single woman has this luxury. Likewise financial security was important for me.

My only other considerations for you would be:

consider speaking to your consultation re your remission before proceeding - you need to be at the best best of health for such a venture!

are you sure that this is most deifnitely not a jnee jerk reaction to a recent break-up? SHould you take a little time before moving forward? What would you do if you met someone - stop treatment? If got pregnant and then met someone?
Have you spoken with your family and/or clsoe friends - if you do proceed you WILL need a good support network - I have been so lucky, but have really needed their love and support - the BFNs are so hard to take and move forward from. Pregnancy requires even more support and no doubt birth and motherhood even more still!

I wish you all the best in the decisions you make. It took me a while due to medical reasons from making the decision to nstarting the first cycle - this was in hindsight a gift!

Do PM me if I can help in anyway.


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## Felix42 (Oct 14, 2007)

Hello, I just read your post and wanted to send you lots of luck. You've clearly been through a lot!
I can't  write a long post as I've got one of my little ones lying across me at the moment but just wanted to say don't forget about treatment abroad when you're looking at options. There's an abroadies thread on here where you'll see the various places we've all been. 

Good luck. Love and hugs Felix xx


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Lovely to see you back Miss Scarlett!

Diesy


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## Miss Scarlett (Aug 9, 2011)

Thank you ladies for all your responses and for the welcome back Diesy (so nice to be remembered) I hope you are doing well.

I will have a look at the abroadies thread to see what info I can get from there. I'm not sure what cryos is however? 

MS x


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Very pleased to see you back after all your wars, Miss Scarlett!  I think £850 is good for an IUI, I think that's worth a go unless you have a hot blooded male hanging around.  I don't think it would be much cheaper in Denmark but that's worth considering a well.  The nice thing with IUI is you have a bit of control with the timing.  Especially if you have a trigger timed for IUI.  Lots of choices out there for you.

Take care,
Diesy


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

Cryos is a sperm bank. 

Good luck.


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## Miss Scarlett (Aug 9, 2011)

Thank you Me, Myself and I, I would be really interested to hear your journey of deciding to become a single mummy! If you would be kind enough to share. Did you use Cryos? I am starting to look into that, it appears to a cheaper way to do AI at their rates x


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Hi Miss Scarlett

I remember you, welcome back!
At your age, you could still egg share and get IVF for free, if that is an option after cancer treatment and you are happy with the risks.
AI with donor sperm is difficult as far as I gather, as you get tiny straws of produce, and fresh sperm works so much better based on what I've read. There are people on 'co-parent' forums who opt out of contact with the child, and there's another website called free sperm or something, which you can use to do AI at home without a clinic involved.

If you go through a UK sperm bank, all donors are ID released to give the child the option to contact or find out more about the donor aged 18, which they may not be able to do if you chose the option above.

Just work out which of the many options available you feel most comfortable with and is most affordable to you, then start with that and work your way down the plan.

I am currently pregnant with a baby conceived with a KD/Co-parent, but I also met my DP before my FET (after M/C from first IVF), so baby will have two daddy figures in his or her life  You never know what life throws at you, best of luck with following your dream and keep in touch xx

If you're based in London, do come along to our next meet-up on the 15th, you will meet plenty of other ladies with all manner of stories who are happy to share what they've learned xx


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