# Please, advice to overcome such grief and go on with my life.



## Haliotis (Jun 4, 2016)

Hi, all
This is my first post, although
I registered in the forum over 6 months ago. It's hard to start... One of my best friends is pregnant. Shes's 39, my age, and knew she had a very good reserve of eggs. I've encouraged her to get pregnant asap, so that she would not have to regret and suffer as I do.
She made it. I should be so happy for her, yet I'm so sad, so down, feeling sorry for myself, cannot stop crying. What's wrong with me?
My antimullerian hormones were 0.8ng/ml about a year ago, and 2 attemps to ICSI faliled. I'm scared of trying again, I'm mentally knackered, angry with myself for not having had a child when I could, cannot forget myself, I'm regretting it so much. And now, I don't know what's wrong with me, when I've spent months warning my friend, to make her aware she might regret, that it might never be the right, perfect moment, and she will not turn back time. I though I had overcome part of it, but this news is like digging up all the sadness, frustration, hate for myself, I cannot forgive myself


----------



## Northern (Sep 26, 2015)

Hi Haliotis, 

First of all, what you're feeling is very complex, and completely understandable - try not to simplify what you're feeling, if I've learnt anything on this ivf journey its that you can feel a wider range of emotions than I ever thought possible, and simultaneously. 

Secondly, you are an amazing friend. You've used your own struggles to help someone else and potentially save your best friend from a huge amount of suffering. Be proud of yourself for being open about your pain, and that the result of that is that someone else won't have to go through it. 

Of course that doesn't mean you don't feel grief that someone else has it so easy - it's a perfectly normal reaction. I find I cope pretty well with our ivf but struggle the most when there are reminders of how easy it is for others, and the closer those reminders are the more it hurts. I'm just going through it with a close friend who's announced her second pregnancy and the thought of all the baby related conversations to come fills me with dread. That doesn't mean I'm not happy for her, but I know there will be times when it hurts. 

Please be kind to yourself, it's ok to feel how you're feeling - what's more, it's normal. It won't always hurt this much, it'll come and go. And if your friend knows what you've been going through then hopefully she'll be sensitive to that. And this news doesn't mean you'll never get there yourself, your journey might just be a bit more bumpy. When you're ready it may be worth talking to her about some of what you're feeling.

Don't quite know what I'm trying to say really, just wanted to say you're not alone. Give yourself some time and be good to yourself. 
X


----------

