# Clingy toddler



## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

Help!

I am worrying about my son's behaviour. He is 2 yrs 5 months and has been home for a year today (WooHoo!!!). 

When he was first home, the first six months or so, I didn't leave him with anyone including DH for any time at all. Then after that only for 1 hr at a time in a church creche with adults and kids he had got to know at coffee mornings over time. He used to cry a little as we left but apparently settled easily once he had been distracted. Recently, in the last two weeks or so, he has started getting very upset if I leave him in a creche. He settles eventually there but always tells me he missed his Mummy when i get back! This week I tried to go to my weekly study group and when I explained to DS about the creche he started to complain and said he didn't want to go! I gave in and didn't go. Later on a friend dropped by to drop something off and dear son burst into tears shouting "stay with mummy" "not going" etc. Proper tears, gulping, not messing! 

I am rather nervous about this. Is this normal toddler behaviour or not? Is this something I should be concerned about? Is this something my parenting has caused? Is it connected to my Dad's recent death?

Help what do you think?


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi Shivster,

i think toddlers got through all sorts of funny phases for all sorts of funny reasons. I know it easier said than don't but try not to assume it because you've done something wrong. It might be because he senses your upset over you father death and so is feeling a little insecure. Or it could be something trivial like he's bored of the toys they have there?? I don't have any advice really, just to say i'm thinking of you and hope its a short phase.

xxruthie


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi Shivster, 
No real advice to give, but a goos friend of mine at church went through exactly the same thing with her little girl, wouldn't be comforted or distracted, she was about the same age when it started and there was no trigger for it that my friend could really work out, she is getting better but it's taken a while!
Hope things get better, it's so heartbreaking to see them upset like that isn't it, but he obviously knows who his Mummy is!
Viva
X


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## dawny36 (Mar 28, 2007)

Hi Shivster,

My dd has been home 12months next week and I havent left her with anyone yet other than our 18year son who puts her to bed when we go running - mine is also clingy and I think yes it could be normal toddler behaviour but also 12months in they are still building that attachment and this may not be fully secure yet but its nothing you do wrong or I do wrong it will just take time - I'm considering playgroup for mine next spring and will see how it goes.

If he is settling once you have left him then he may be just testing you and I'm guessing the more you do it the more he will learn that mummy is coming back - I have just borrowed a book from the library about a little boy going to playgroup while his mummy goes shopping and have been reading it to my little one maybe something like that will help?

It will get better but there is always that extra layer with our children in my opinion.

Take care

Dawny
x


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

I have to echo what Dawn says, I'm sure it will get better as a lot of toddlers go through this, although there can often be that extra layer of insecurity with our kids.  It may be linked to your Dad's death, the idea of him having gone away and not come back.  Unfortunately the hardest thing with our littlies is because they are so small they cannot communicate properly and you have to try and guess what is going on in their little heads and it's not always straightforward.

It is a fact of life that they will have to get used to our occasional absence and need to be reassured that you will come back.  One of the tricks I was told was to give them something to hang on to whilst you are gone, you know a "can you look after this for Mummy and then give it to me when I get back soon".  Something like a handkerchief of something small they can put in a pocket.

Hope he settles down.

Cindy


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