# Struggling quite a bit....



## Irishlady (Oct 12, 2007)

Hi everyone

I went through my 3rd tx in Feb and got another negative but that isn't the reason I am posting.  I do feel guilty for writing this but need to get it out and on paper...

A friend went through her first tx last year and conceived. She had her twins recently. I am really pleased for her and dh, but still can't help feeling why can't it be us? will it ever be us? I do feel quite resentful as we did everything possible in the run up to each tx and we do lead healthy, active lives. My friend's dh smokes and gave up only a few days before giving sample, drank throughout and life just seems so unfair. 

I have been in touch with my friend and sent texts once heard about babies and want to go and see them soon but will find it really hard. Part of me just thinks to visit soon and get it out of the way - don't mean that to sound as harsh as it does.

Life is just tough at the mo   xx


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## PaddyGirl (Apr 21, 2010)

Hello Irishlady

You're not on your own...  I often have feelings like that too. I guess it's only natural for us to feel this way and we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves when such thoughts enter our heads. There are times when I have to make myself say nice positive things about friends/family babies and pregnancies...  I don't mean to be jealous or resentful, it's just the way it is sometimes.  Not sure my DH understands this, he ends up saying something completely irritatingly reassuring which only makes me feel worse!

I'm on a bit of a low at the moment so can totally sympathise with you, it's like 'will we ever get some good news'....  'will it ever be our turn'...  

We must keep smiling tho Irishlady...  it will be our turn one day I'm sure.  

Best of luck with everything, I'm here if you want to get anything else off your chest and onto paper... 

PaddyGirl xxx


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## Cailin (Apr 18, 2008)

Hi Irishlady,

Maybe this should be the irish girls gang  

You are defo not alone on this one, I 'd imagine most of us on FF can relate to this even tho it is hard to admit it. 

I have found over the years I avoid some situations on purpose as I don't want to make myself feel worse, I justify it by telling myself I am just looking out for me. I think its only natural to be a bit jealous of people who have had their kids, especially if you started trying around the same time as them. It makes you think 'why not me' & then you feel bad for having negative thoughts but I think you need to give yourself a break and realise that this tx is hard enough without making yourself feel like you are the bad guy?

I think you should go and visit your friend & her babies soon, I always find that its better than you think it will be & at least then you can stop worrying about it. If your friend went thru tx as well she should understand how difficult it will be for you so maybe she will be sensitive to you? Sometimes being around my friend's kids helps me a little, even gives me a little energy to keep trying as it reminds me of the end goal. Its wierd but I think I find it harder to be around pg friends as I don't want to listen to all their tales of woe about how they are feeling when all I can think is you don't know how lucky you are... Plus I can relate to being pg (even if was only for a short while) whereas I can't really relate to having kids? Don't know if that makes sense...

Hope that helps & you should know you are not alone in these feelings. It can be so hard to keep going but PMA & a little hope & we will all get there in the end.

Slan,
Cailin xxx


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

hi IL  sorry you're feeling down 

if i am perfectly honest i feel more envious towards people who have got pregnant through treatment than those who've done it the old fashioned way. it's the height of irony.

obviously i'm pleased when it works for them, and equally, i'm devastated when others go through treatment and get BFNs. but a little part of me that i don't admire can't help but think 'why did it work for them? why not me?' especially so when it works first time...or more than once!

i think it's not that you wish it was you instead of them...just it was you _as well_

don't feel bad about it. you're human and you're grieving. if you said you were over the moon for other people who had the good news you crave, and meant that completely honestly, you'd be some sort of saint. and i know i, for one, am far from one of those.


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## Irishlady (Oct 12, 2007)

Thank you lovely ladies! It has made me feel more normal, whatever that is!!

We had decided to give the rest of this year of tx but I now want to start again or look at other options so I feel I am doing something. Saying that we have booked some great hols for the rest of the yr which will be lovely, but not really what I want....

xx


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## PaddyGirl (Apr 21, 2010)

Hello my Irish friend

What is normal these days I ask myself?? 

And what are these lovely holidays all about??  Can I ask where are you going?  Me and my DH (he's the Irish one!) always try to get away after a while, especially if an ivf has been a BFN.  It always helps to have a break and re-charge your batteries.  ivf will always there but it's very important that you are in the right state of mind to go ahead with it.  A good friend of mine told me that although it's seems the most important thing in the world to me, it's no good if I'm not focussed, and she is right.  

So.... go on your hols.... have a lovely time ... tell me all about it when you get back and when you're ready you can keep me informed on your new ivf journey  xxx

I'm so pleased that you are feeling more positive...  keep that in mind and enjoy what you have to look forward to. 

PLEASE keep me updated on everything
Loads of luck to you hon
PaddyGirl
xxxxxx


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