# Employers



## practical (Nov 13, 2012)

Dear all, 
i have managed to use the excuse of gynocological matters for the last year and  a half which included my recent ICSI cycle. I do not want to tell my employers that i am trying for a baby as my company is indiscreet, i don't want people looking at me with pity and i want some normality at work where i can just forget.
For those of you who have not told your employers, what excuses do you use please and for how long have you been using these excuses?
Thank you


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## goddessdream (Aug 23, 2012)

Hi, when I start IVF ill be tellin my employer the exact reason, she will keep it confidential but ill prob try and work through it anyway. With organising my days off around it as much as I can. You shud probably keep saying gyne stuff and grin and bear it.. its the closest to the truth and they cant pressure you to keep working. Good luck with the excuses hehe!


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## Tinks01 (Feb 2, 2011)

I have used 'Gyne' as my excuse because I didn't want to tell my employer. My boss and I have quite a few friends in common and even though I am sure that she would be discreet I didn't want to risk everyone finding out. Plus, it's doesn't really affect my work.
The hospital used Gyne on my sick note for my ET and when I had FET they wrote 'after op recovery'  - they understand that you may not want your employer to know about it. I have used this same reason for the last 3yrs. 
Don't feel like you have to tell your employer if you don't want to, at the end of the day, it's personal.


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## practical (Nov 13, 2012)

Thats great. Both thanks for replying.


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## nic32 (Oct 25, 2011)

Hi, I've been through 2 rounds of icsi this year and my employer doesn't know the details. For round 1 I said I'd be having a 'small gyne procedure' which would need a bit of time off work plus a couple of appointments before hand. In actual fact I miscarried after round 1 and after going back to work i then needed some extra time off, both my sick notes said gyne, my employer didn't ask any questions and I kept things to a minimum! For the m/c I said I'd had a few complications but I was fine and would be back at work ASAP.

Looking back work have been fantastic really, I took more time off for round 2 and again no questions. As long as I had a sick note they were fine about it. I said it was private, that I didn't want to discuss it and that I was doing everything within my power to minimise the amount of time I was off. They know I'm a hard worker and wouldn't take the mick so I'm sure that's helped. Considering round 3 but in honesty I may just take holiday as it may be a bit much to have more time off sick!? i don't want anyone to think there's something seriously wrong with me 

My advice would be to do what feels right for you! I'd rather not talk about it at all at work because I need to focus on work and its good for me to switch off from IF. It can be all-consuming and work is the one area of my life that feels relatively normal. Aside from the time I've taken off sick it really doesn't effect my work and I'd just rather not have people feeling sorry for me or asking questions.

One thing I would say is that keeping the secret can be a bit stressful in itself - if it's an extra stress that you can do without at an already difficult time then it may be best to tell someone at work. 

Anyway, i thought id share my experience. Good luck with it - I really hope it works out for you!!
X


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## Tinks01 (Feb 2, 2011)

Nic32 - I am thinking exactly the same thing for my next treatment! I feel bad about going off from work sick again. I'm used to the procedure now and know to expect with regards to needing time off work. Next time I will take holiday but if it happens that I don't have enought holiday etc, I will have to continue with my gyne procedure! Work have been understanding and not nosey. It definitely helps! (Although my big boss did try and get it out of me and said he thought it was something to do with my leg!??   two words, 'Womens things' soon scared him off  )


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## nic32 (Oct 25, 2011)

Ha ha, yes, my boss is male too and those two words strike the fear of god in him lol


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## FertileRoad (Nov 3, 2011)

I too have used the 'gyno' on my medicals from the doctors - I have a letter from my employer to report to HR on Thursday with my trade union present to discuss my sick leave! - my employer doesn't have a procedure for IVF but they do have for maternity, paternity and adoption leave. Going to be interesting and if I don't tell and off again I can be disciplined. So do I tell the full story of why I have been off and HR is indiscreet also.


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## goddessdream (Aug 23, 2012)

Hi Fertileroad,

Its all go with your employer eh, if your union rep is with you that is a good thing. Have you told the rep? You prob should tell yr rep your story, im guessing here but the rep should be adivising to HR that you have a legitimate reason of absence and for personal reasons you arent going to discuss the details. No way should you be forced to disclose information if you dont want to  . You have a doctors letter and that should be enough!

Use the union they are there to argue and represent you! Goodluck!


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## Cheesy (Jul 4, 2012)

Great thread I'm also stuck about how honest to be. 

But fertile road, your situation sounds stressful. How did you get on? Did the excellent suggestion to tell your union rep work out?

I'm doing treatment abroad. First attempt at cycle one I booked as annual leave, then the cycle was cancelled but I thought it would be weird if I cancelled my leave, so didn't. 2nd attempt I did as sick, gynae as reason. But I'm convinced I've accidentally made reference to "going away" or "going overseas". Haven't been challenged on it but finding it hard to maintain. Next try will be feb and now seriously considering telling my boss truth or taking as annual leave, although will have to cancel Christmas to have enough days!


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## FertileRoad (Nov 3, 2011)

my union rep pulled out and would not come in with me I went alone and now own a 6 month probabtion I told the truth, so next time I am to tell them in advance - waiting on letter from HR before I take my next step.


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## Hopefullysoon05 (Jul 11, 2011)

Sorry to hear your issues with work

I was straight with my boss from the day after I found out we needed ivf; my boss is a male and was very supportive. He asked me what the procedure involved and he always asked me for updates on how everything was going. When I was signed off they wrote post op but when I put in onto the work system I put it as pregnancy rated which means it didn't go on my sickness record. 

I'm personally glad that I was truthful as I felt I received lots of support during both my tx's but I think it's personal choice 

Good luck and never give up x


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## goddessdream (Aug 23, 2012)

Hi, 

What a weak excuse for a union rep! If I was you id be putting in a complaint againest him/her! Cant believe your on probation, ultimately just for being off! 
Your employer would need to tread carefully, you should keep a record of everything, meetings, dates, people who speak to you about it. Employers need to remember employees have rights and by law they should be doing things to support you not make your work environment more stressfull! Good luck!


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

God thats terrible that really is.  The problem is that having fertility treatment is classed as a life style choice! as if!!!!!  I remember reading on here that another lady had really bad troubles with her work as they considered that her life style choice was affecting her work!  Unfortunelty i think you need to be a bit careful as i think if the above is the case then they are on the right side of the law!!  


Why dont you ask the lawyer on this site, where you stand legally.  Good luck xx


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## practical (Nov 13, 2012)

I can't believe you are on probation, however i think they have shot themselves in the foot. As soon as you have had your embryo transfer you are classified as pregnant. i read it somewhere and i can't find the link to the website. 
keep records and don't be afraid to challenge. Get everything on email and any further meetings you have write up a summary and send it to your employer via email. If this goes to a tribunal those notes will be invaluable
Anything that is to do with pregnancy is an area where employers have to tread carefully. How would they come across at an employment tribunal - very little sympathy i suspect.
Good luck


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