# Calling all mums who adopted



## Jet (Jun 10, 2003)

Hi girls   
Hope you are all well we are in the process of going through adoption and hope to go to panel in February which I am very happy and am looking forward to becoming a mum my question is at present my friend , my niece and my cousin are all expecting so new year it will be lots of babies in the family.
My feelings even thou I am happy for all of them, I cannot help but feel jealous because it clearly after 13years of infertility it is something that I will not experience, I know having a family is more important to me and my husband than being pregnant but will I always feel this way when someone else tells me they are pregnant? Or will my feelings fade when our children come home?
thank you for reading my post
wishing lots of luck to all
Jet xxxxxx


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## Guest (Oct 30, 2008)

I've found that my feelings of jealousy are fading with the years, although even now I do feel a slight pang.  

I try to focus on the fact that I am a mum and that is more imprtant than experiencing being pregnant.  I love being a mum and I love my children.  

Bop


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Jet

I think some feelings will always be with us just as infertility will always be with us.  We have had ds home since June and he has brought us so much joy and love in that time and I couldn't imagine life without him.  Personnally my feelings are more of being sad about missing out on those times with DS but we are so busy enjoying life as a family now that I don't have time to dwell on it.

When you get your 'match' I'm sure your feelings will fade, you will have so much excitement and things going on and being a Mummy is fantastic and so worth all the heartache, but you are in that difficult period now, waiting to get to panel and then not knowing how long a wait you will have to find your family.  Waiting after panel has got to be the hardest part of this process but at least you know you WILL have a family.

Love
OT x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Morning Jet

It's quite understandable how you're feeling. It doesn't automatically switch off, no.
I am a mum of 2 gorgeous girls and been an adopter for 3 1/2 years now. The need to be pregnant isn't with me anyway, that's faded over time. I do still feel broody over tiny babies, and I guess I always will do. I've been broody and clucky over babies since I was a child so that hasn't stopped.
The only time I get a twinge of sadness nowadays, is when an anniversary comes along (5 years this week my last ET). 

But to be honest once you're a mum, you get so busy and sucked in by being a mum and having a little person depending on you, that you don't get chance to get mordling!

It is only natural though but it will ease with time.


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## TraceyH (Apr 14, 2004)

Jet

Like the others have said, the feelings of not having been pregnant will fade with time once you are matched.  Hopefully you will not have to wait too long and your little one(s) will fit into your family like they have always been there.  Like OT my only regret is that I missed the first 19 months of our little one's life but he has bought us and the family such joy and has achieved so much since that it doesn't really matter.

Tracey x


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

Hi 

I don't feel any twinges any more.  I don't wish to be pregnant either. I really can't believe I feel that way but I do.  We adopted our LO 2 years ago next month and we couldn't be happier... we feel complete and even though it would be nice to adopt another one, it's not a driving force like it once was.

It does get so much easier when you've adopted.  This week I was looking at Christmas presents for my DD and I just thought to myself "I don't know what I'd do without her now".  

Carole x


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## CAREbear1 (May 15, 2005)

Hi

This is something I always wondered about. I was pregnant from IVF but sadly lost my girls at 23 weeks. I used to get terribly jealous when someone got pregnant and it wasn't something I was proud of at all. I have found the longing to be pregnant has faded as I've gone through adoption prep. Having THE phonecall this week, I can say I had the same reaction as when I got the positive pregnancy test. Hysterical happy tears, it really struck me that it was the same feeling. My feelings now are as described by a few on here, that I wish I had her from birth rather than 16 months, but there isn't anything I can do about that except for make up for lost time and I am just so happy to be looking forward to being a mummy, that it feels like a pregnancy (I am nesting, looking at baby magazines, catalogues of baby stuff) that it really does feel the same as then. i will let you know how the actual meeting compares and I promise I will be honest.  

xxx


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi,
Yes all perfectly normal and wonderful you are going to be a Mummy and you do start all the normal nesting etc straight away. I will always wish I had my daughter from birth but as you say there isn't a thing we can do about that. We can though and I'm sure we all do make up for every second we haven't had with our children. Meeting your child for the first time is the most incredibly emotional thing. I will be honest though I still do struggle with pg announcements! My toddler group is full of new born babies or pg women at the moment and I did leave one in tears the other day as it was just too much. But the absolutely over riding thing is you are a Mummy every second of the day and that becomes completely normal and wonderful. You fit in to that allusive little gang of Mummies and family's that we have all longed to be in. You have such an amazing time ahead, all the pain and loss you have been through wont go but it really does fade and the normal every day life of being a Mummy is the only thing that matters.
Love JD x


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## Lady Lucy (Sep 28, 2005)

I'm not proud of the way I've felt towards people close to me, and those not, over the years when they've announced their pregnancies but it really does fade, not go away completely but feels less painful.Plus you have less time to think about it or dwell on your feelings as every second is taken up with being a mummy.
xxx


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