# are we selfish for wanting another?



## cdog (Sep 1, 2009)

hi ladies 

i am new to these boards but basically i have twins DD and DS who are coming up to 5 following nearly 2 yrs IF tx. we started ttc a year ago but still not success 2 m/cs and various treatments later.  should we just accept that we wont have another - is it selfish to want another when we have this wonderful family already (and i know i'm lucky!)

caroline
xxx


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## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

Just a quick one as Im off to the clinic to have my transfer but as you can see from my profile I have 12 yr old twins and Im hoping to get at least one more  No your not being selfish hun


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## cdog (Sep 1, 2009)

good luck with your transfer will keep my fingers crossed!  thanks for your reply.  i hope you get lucky this time.
caroline
xx


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## LadyMoonie (Nov 4, 2005)

I am another one with twins (just turned 3) and no, I don't feel selfish for wanting another.

I guess I would feel different if any treatment we had would be funded by the NHS when someone else could benefit more from that funding but as we are looking at self funding, why shouldn't we want another child?

I feel truly grateful for my beautiful children but that doesn't stop me from wanting to add another person to our family.

x


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## Snorkmaiden (Mar 22, 2005)

No, of course it isn't selfish to want more children. If you didn't have problems with fertility would you even be asking yourself this question? I have spent ages going over this in my own mind and feeling guilty for wanting another baby - I think it stems from that old nutshell 'you've got children already, you should be grateful'. I AM grateful, but it shouldn't stop me wanting more. We're human, we're women and our natural instinct is to want to procreate. 

I have  three and a half year old twins and I've just started another round of IVF treatment. We tried to get pregnant as soon as my periods came back after I had the twins, which was when they were six months old. We really hope we are lucky enough to get pg again as we love children and babies.

Good luck with trying to conceive a sibling for your twins. I wish you every success!


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## Praline (Sep 6, 2005)

I agree with Snorkmaiden. I would love to have a 2nd child because I also want my daughter to have a sibling. being an only-child myself, I know how nice it could be (though not guaranteed) to have a larger family.

So whilst we should all be grateful, let's try to stop feeling guilty! I do try not to talk about my desire for a 2nd child to friends who are still unsuccessful in their current IVF attempts, just to be sensitive to their feelings.


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## Laurs (Jul 26, 2009)

Hi everyone,
I have DD from my 1st ICSI attempt, only got 1 egg and she was a 2 day transfer, obviously meant to be ...

2nd ICSI over the Summer with 1 blast, no frosties and had miscarriage at 7 weeks on 4th Sept.

I feel so guilty wanting another but reading your replies you're all right, why the hell should we! Yes we are lucky to have babies but that doesn't mean we shouldn't carry on until we feel our families are complete.
We are hoping to try again in the New Year. This will be our third self-funded treatment so we are spending so much money so rally hoping we get our second miracle!
Good luck with everyone starting your treatments xxx


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## cutelittlepumpkin (Nov 1, 2007)

No your not selfish! Like snorkmaiden said if it wsn't for IF, you wouldn't even question it!! I agree with ladymoonie, I won't want to stop someone with no LO's from having a turn, but as we have self funded all our tx as when I started out same sex couples like us (even with proven fertility issues, I have PCOS and Hughes Syndrome) rarely got funding, so decided to self fund, rather than fight for years for funding! So I don't see why it is an issue, if we can pay for it why shouldn't we! And it seems ashame not to give our little frosties a chance!   

So with 8 month old twins I've just had a consult for FET yesterday and am hoping to go as soon as AF shows up!  

Good luck ladies!  

CLP


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## Danica (Jan 2, 2010)

o..m...g... i cant believe im NOT the only one... this site is amazing - thanku thanku thanku!!  i was beginning to feel like a bit of a freak... i dont know why i am so hard on myself... infertility sucks and bizarrely enough im not coping as well this time round as i did when i had no kids??  DS is 3.5yrs and the light of my life and i know that i am super blessed, as we all do know, but that longing to have more is driving me crazy and with it guilt??  im trying to figure out why im not coping as well - maybe its my age together with my problems and feel i've left it too late or maybe its the fact ive always wanted a family of at least 4 kids or maybe its coz i really want Luka to have a sibling, maybe its the fact that i worked in a maternity hospital where some women were literally popping them out but were substance users or whatever and unable to keep their kids and social services would always take them away or could it be that i just havent resolved my issues from ttc for years before we had our DS, man, the list goes on....
im so scared i wont be blessed again... the feelings of failure is one that stands out?  ya'd think i would have worked that one out by now huh??  almost 7 years before we had Luka and another 3 years ttc for another miracle... oh no, im sooo sorry if i sound like a whinge... im currently in my 2ww, testing wed 6th jan but i just got my period and im devastated....  
thanks for listening
cheers,
d xo


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## cutelittlepumpkin (Nov 1, 2007)

Danica    I'm hoping AF is playing tricks and you get a BFP!   

CLP


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## freddie1911 (May 21, 2008)

I also want more!  I am from a big family and would love to have the same.  Both Dh and I are twins with other siblings, and whilst being a twin is a special bond so is having other siblings.  I would love to give my babies that - just have to convince DH!!
x


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## helen brawn (Aug 20, 2006)

Hi thank goodness I found this post it makes me feel a little better. Ladies that understand how I feel. I have just updated my profile and I cannot believe it has been 3 years since I have been on the site. I thought I would go on as I am so down at the moment. I am unsure what to do next with my life. Nothing I do seems to take the longing of wanting another child away. We recently moved to a lovely house to give ourselves a new hobby as I love d.i.y but unfortunately it hasn't taken the longing away but it has given us less money for any further ivf attempts. 
I have been trying for another child almost 5 years but the last attempt effected me hard. To make matters worse my cousin who had also been trying for another child for the same time anounced she was pregnant. We were very close and supported each other through bad times but I haven't seen her much since then. Also my sister in law anounced she was pregnant with her second child at the same time. My husbands brother also had cancer but both were concieved naturally. Now 2 weeks ago my sister announced she was pregnant with her second child. It has always been made it a little easier that my family also only had one child each. My 6 year old daughter is constantly asking for a brother or sister and now all her cousins are having one except her. 
At least I know I am not selfish for wanting another child.


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