# Help please, getting really confused and not getting many answers 34, gay



## Frenchy74 (Sep 28, 2008)

Hello everybody

I am sorry that when i come to this site i am the one asking questions and not giving any answers - don't think i have much to share as i am so new to it all and still learning - i am very grateful for the answers i already have received but hey, as usual i have a few more

i am single and gay, 34 and embarking on this roller coaster of a journey

I know that i can't get anything on the nhs as I am single and gay (don't get me started on that!!!!!) however my gp is quite nice and understanding - i have started the necessary blood tests to check if i ovulate, check if i have any stds (hopefully all will be clear there) and my hormones etc - all will be finished by mid january 09. Then my GP will refer me to the fertility clinic in ly area (oxford). 

i have heard about a few women going abroad as it is cheaper - all i have read on this site is about going abroad for egg donors and ivf. i am hoping and am confident enough that i probably don't need ivf and that i am producing eggs. i realise that iui is cheaper than ivf; is this why women go abroad for ivf but not iui or do women go abroad for iui too and is it worthwhile?

can i also ask, if i am fertile and able to conceive is iui the only option i have? 

if any of you have been abroad for iui, please tell me where, when that was, what you thought; i'll then contact the hospital/clinic and ask them for further info. 

i am saving money at the moment and need to loose a stone as well but would like to get the ball rolling by around April or May 2009 - i want to have an idea of what to do before that so that i know for sure how much to save up.

that's making me think of another question, sorry, for those of you who have had to save money to start treatment, have you saved enough for one try at a time with time in between tries or have you saved enough to try several times in a row as i realise that it doesn't usually work the first time round.

thank you so much for your help in advance - i think i am going to copy this message and place the xact same one in the singles section to maximise the replies.

thanks a lot 

F x


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## mintyfaglady (Aug 25, 2007)

Hey Frenchy,

Don't worry about asking too many questions - we all love talking about this stuff! 

That said, I'm not sure I have many answers to your questions! I'm sure others will have more useful stuff to say. I think often that women go abroad for IVF treatment either because of the cost savings, as you say, or because they have specific issues which are not very well dealt with here (high FSH for example). I'm sure you could go abroad for IUI too and that it would probably be cheaper, providing your flights etc weren't too expensive. It's probably trickier to time than IVF, though it can be done - Aimee, who posts here, lives in Gibraltar and travelled to the UK for her IUIs and she's now expecting!

As far as other options go, if you're fertile, I guess there are a few other options, though not all may appeal. You could get yourself a known donor and try IVI at home just using a needleless syringe and fresh sperm. This is probably the cheapest option, though it can be hard to find a donor and to agree on what you both want from the arrangement.

Another possibility for you might be egg share IVF. There are big savings to be had if you're a suitable egg donor. The cut off age is 35 though, I think, so you might have to hurry. Obviously it's more invasive than IUI though, so it may be not what you would feel happy to start out with.

There are also some places that let you pay a fixed fee for 3 IVFs up front. It's considerably cheaper than paying for 3 separate cycles, but if you get pregnant first time you don't get any money back so it's a bit of a gamble. I don't know if there's anything similar for IUIs.

Great that you've got your testing underway though and are on track to start trying soon. Good luck with it!

Minty
xxx


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## Frenchy74 (Sep 28, 2008)

Hi Minty

Thanks a lot for that, that's really helpful. can i ask what the difference is between iui and diui? 

i think i am going to keep looking around and keep getting all my info together - you guys on this site are really helpful; i hope one day i can be as helpful.

thanks a lot

F x


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## Mable (Apr 9, 2005)

The d is for donor ie donor sperm. So thawed sperm vs fresh.

Do you live in France then, or here? Just wondering what was on offer in France in terms of treatment. Here, you will be paying for whatever you choose, so in a way you call the shots. You are right to do your research early so that you are best informed to make your decisions. Good luck to you.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Hi Frnchy welcome to thread, I see that you are also single, there are many single women on the singles girls thread and at least 50% of them have gone abroad so they may also be able to advise you.
Good luck with your journey TTC
L x


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

hay frenchy

i live in spain/gibraltar and i came to england for diui as minty so rightly pointed out.   i did look at spain for treatment cos of cost and travel etc but for us the problem was that in spain the child *cant* trace their donor at 18 and for me it was really important he/she would be able to do that.

But yes you can have diui and ivf etc in spain and it is cheaper but obviously you have to factor in flights and accomodation. and also one thing that i found tricky was trying to book my flights to fit with my ovulation. i would sometimes need to take a week off work to make sure i was in the uk for the correct amount of time. obviously if you have ivf you would need longer. if you live reasonably near the clinic you can just pop in. (kind of  )

the clinic i spoke to in spain would have shipped in sperm from a european sperm bank if we wanted a more northern european looking donor. but that wasnt really an issue for us cos gabs is v mediteranian looking (she is the one facing out in the pic) so we wanted a donor to match.

its true what mable says that cos you pay you do call the shots, but you need to feel you are well informed to make good decisions.

regarding financing. gabs and i were lucky that we had enough money saved for three diuis at LWC and thats how many goes it took. but you could do one and then save for the next.

also regarding 'if your fertile is iui the only treatment you can have' question there are ladies here who are fertile but chose to go straight to IVF cos the chances of conceiving were higher.

hope that helps! as minty says we LOVE talking about this stuff so please feel free to ask any more questions and let us know how you are getting on!! 

aimeex


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## Just a girl (Mar 6, 2008)

Hi Frenchy, 

I hope no one minds me posting here as I'm not Gay or single but wanted to give you some info re egg sharing.  Like Minty has pointed out it dramatically reduces the cost of IVF.  We were diagnosed an unexplained IF and were given the option of both IUI or IVF, I was told we would likely need 3 cycles of IUI so I worked that out to be £2000, whereas one cycle of IVF with egg share (which was much better odds then IUI) was only £400!! (obviously this info does not take into account any sperm costs)  The cost can vary from clinic to clinic so its worth phoning around, we went to the Nuffield at Woking and they were great but the CRM London offer it for free when egg sharing.  Minty was correct in that most clinics like you to be under 35yrs to do a cycle and you also need to have an FSH level of under 10!

Hope some of this helps x


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

hay JAG lovely to see you here!!     

(she was my cycle buddy and now is my pregnancy buddy!!  )


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## Just a girl (Mar 6, 2008)

Hey Aimee and can I add will be my waterloo meeting buddy!


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

ax


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