# Single, approaching 43 ttc with kd, sister thinks I should give up



## blondedolphin (May 13, 2012)

Hi just hoping for a bit of advice and or encouragement.

I've been ttc with a kd for 4 or 5 cycles now with no luck. I've got no health problems as far as I'm aware and I had a termination in my twenties when you think you've got all the time in the world to find Mr Right and have kids. My diet could definitely be healthier, but I'm fairly fit and healthy, BMI is 26 

I'm finding the whole process a bit lonely and frustrating I feel like my life is on hold and wonder if I'm wasting my time and should just forget it and focus on having a life and finding a nice man.

My sister thinks I should stop trying after 6 months and get on with my life as her 'instinct' tells her I'm not going to have a child. (she has 3 adult children & never had fertility problems) I found that conversation very depressing. 

I just wonder how realistic I'm being expecting to get pregnant, I couldn't really afford multiple cycles of ivf or egg donation. I'm wondering about FET

I know noone can really give me a definitive answer, but it would be nice to hear other peoples experiences and advice
Thanks


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## Arkay (Mar 23, 2012)

Hi blondedolphin, just wanted to give you a bit of encouragement as it seems you're not getting it from your sister    No disrespect to her, but her instincts are pretty meaningless.  This is about you and what you feel and how much you are personally willing/able to put into your dream of having a child.    

Have you had the usual tests done (AMH, AFC, FSH...)?  If you have, and they're all fine, then there's always a chance.  

I'm only a couple of years behind you with AMH in the low range but I was successful on my first own egg IVF cycle.  I decided to go for the big guns straight away rather than try IUI...I just thought with time being an issue I'd go for the option that offered most chance of success and I got incredibly lucky first time.  So, you just never know... 

Re having a life and finding a man: pursuing these things doesn't necessarily mean you can't pursue your baby dream too.  I say put your energies into both things...you may meet your man, or you may get pregnant with your kd...if both are important to you, then there's no reason not to pursue both.  I'd been seeing someone for nearly a year when I decided to have IVF.  It wasn't a very serious relationship, I considered myself single with a man in my life (which is exactly how I like it!) but he was great when I told him about my plans and we kept seeing each other for another 6 months and just decided last weekend (when I hit the 12 weeks mark with a little bump showing) that there would be no more sex as he was getting a bit 'weirded out' by the thought of a baby that isn't his growing inside me.   But he's now one of my closest friends and is actually way more supportive and interested in what's going on baby-wise than most of my other friends.  I think the point of me telling you all this is just to point out that there's more than one way to live a life I think...it doesn't have to be the meet a man, fall in love, get married, have 2.4 children route.  You could have a baby on your own, then meet a man, fall in love, have another baby with your man...  Choosing to be a single mum doesn't necessarily rule out ever having a man in your life again.

Hope all my waffling (I do tend to go on...) hasn't just added to your confusion. 

Good luck with it all.


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## blondedolphin (May 13, 2012)

Hi Arkay, thanks for the reply, its good to hear from someone in a similar situation and congratulations on the pregnancy, great news.

My sister has been very supportive up to now and I think she's just worried about me. I was telling her about the embryo adoption thing that some clinics do and she offered to help pay! She is lovely but she's not always good at seeing things from other peoples perspectives.

I was seeing a lovely bloke briefly in the summer. He found a 'preparing to conceive' cd in my stereo and initially  he was ok about it, saying he'd like a family, understood my biological deadline, talking about changing his car to something more suitable for a family. Then 2 days later he said he'd thought about it and it would be crazy for us to try and have a child when we hadn't been going out long and he didn't want to hold me back etc. I had been thinking exactly the same and I respected him more for making that decision than when he was up for it. If he hadn't finished I know I would have had to do it. However he lives about 10 metres away in the house directly opposite mine! its ok though I rarely see him, before he asked me out I'd never seen him despite living opposite him for two years. It has made a me quite wary about dating though.

I had a random fsh & thyroid function done about 18 months ago and a day 21 progesterone done in may they were all fine. My GP says their practice don't do the day 3 fsh only the day 21 progesterone. I haven't had amh done, I presume I'd have to go private, local Spire?


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Blondedolphin

I wasn't in exactly the same situation as you but I was also on the verge of giving up when I was approaching 43 when I got my first-ever BFP (and then another BFP four years later from a FET from  frosties from cycles when I was 42).  To be honest, I stopped looking for support from my sister as she had had no problems having her children and couldn't give me the support I needed.  Please don't be discouraged by other people's opinions - it's your opinions which matter, and only you can decide how long you want to keep on trying.  I'm assuming that you've had IUI rather than IVF up to now.  It might be worth getting further tests done - there is a good list on the Investigations board, and, after my second IVF BFN, I managed to get my GP to do most of them, with my fertility clinic doing karyotyping tests for me.  I also got immune testing done.  All of the results turned out to be OK but if they had shown something up, I thought it would have been good to know about it/look at how to tackle it before going ahead with further tx.

Good luck

Ellie


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## mfmcmoo (Jul 16, 2010)

Hi

Just a quick one - blonddolphin - go for it if you want to. Get your body prepped - check out this list to get eggs in good shape http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=294994.0.


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## mikapika (Dec 20, 2011)

From a purely medical perspective I would suggest getting your AMH levels checked before  pursuing your own eggs option- x


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## blondedolphin (May 13, 2012)

Thanks everyone, I'll organise to get amh levels checked and decided what to do from there, and try and get all those supplements


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Blondedolphin - Go for it! Wishing you lots of luck! Great advice on here for you already so all I'm gonna say is - we should get your sister together with my whole family  My sisters are filled with horror of what I am trying to do. Check out the singles threads too, and also donor threads, lots of info on there.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=403.0

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=64.0


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