# Can anyone give me some advice?



## chapps67 (Nov 21, 2012)

Hi
I am new.
I am 45, 46 in February and already have two teenage children.

I have recently married, to the most amazing guy ever (of course!)  He is a fair bit younger than me and does not have children.
We both discussed children in length prior to committing totally to one another and it was a no brainer...we would rather have each other and be together than he goes out and maybe has a child with someone else.

We did however decide not to take any contraception and see if anything would happen....if it did, it did...if it didnt then we would accept it wasnt to be, but it has rather taken a hold on me and it is something I really want.  My OH is supportive either way.

We have been trying 13 months and nothing has happened.  We thought we would see a consultant to let us know one way or another if there was anything wrong (other than my age).  My OH is fine.  My  LH & FSH is normal to good however my egg reserve is low at 4.

My consultant said it was worthless trying for IVF as I would have no hope (nice).  He said he could do absolutely nothing for us.  There was a chance naturally but it was remote.

I have been on so many sites and read success stories about women that have lower results than me.

I am not sure what to do now......Is there anything I can do?

We are looking at adoption but of course there is so much involved in that too.

I am a little sad.... sorry for the long post.


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## cornwall (Apr 9, 2012)

Hi Chapps,

When I met my (now) DH, my kids were in their late teens. DH desperately wanted kids but I was 42 and definitely didn't want to go through it all again. Two years later, I'd changed my mind (as women are allowed to do). I stopped the contraception but nothing happened. We had all the tests done and it was simply old age, nothing else. So we agreed to carry on 'trying' and, if it happened- great!
Earlier this year, we had a long talk and decided to try donor IVF. We'd dismissed it before but, now, it felt right. Our first cycle was unsuccessful but we are now about to start our second try.

You're a few years younger than me and it might be worth looking into IVF with your own eggs. If you both desperately want a baby though, then donor IVF might be your best option.


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## Moragob (Apr 1, 2012)

Hi Chapps

I am a similar age to you having turned 46 last week.  I had similar advise re IVF using my own eggs - told my chances of success would be less than 5% due to age (and then I have had multiple miscarrigages as well - unexplained).  The consultant was basically crap and told me that my only hope was donor egg (around 50% chance of sucess) but that was a waste of time as well as I'd never get a donor... They really do need to work on their people skills!  It is a tough time and extremely emotional, finding this forum is a good start.

Anyway - a chance conversation led me to research donor eggs overseas and I am now 24 weeks pregnant after my first DE attempt in Spain.  

There are options - there are success stories of people our age and older having success with their own eggs, but there are a lot of people our age not having success.  For me it was fairly straightforward once I knew I could use a donor egg as it gave me the chance to be pregnant and this baby will be ours (and we will always be eternally grateful to the wonderful woman who donated her eggs).  

I wish you all the best whatever you decide.

Good luck to Cornwall too - I hope it is 2nd time lucky for you

Morag


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## chapps67 (Nov 21, 2012)

Hi Ladies

Thank you so much for your replies.

I have thought at length about donor eggs.  DH and I were discussing this last night and we have asked for some information from CARENorthampton.

I am also looking at SERUM and spain, but feel a little reluctant to go abroad.  I am also not sure on the procedure to be honest! I have read so much recently my head is in a whirl!

Congrats Morag, that is such lovely news    May I ask how much you are paying?  Money isnt a great issue, but obviously we will need to work around it!  Please dont worry if thats not something you want to disclose.
I was very very shocked at how the consultant just fobbed us off.  We just walked away from it in disbelief.  My DH kept saying he was very sorry..........

Cornwall, where are you being treated? Good luck too, I wish you all the very best x


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## jo_11 (Apr 1, 2009)

Chapps67:  I know you've said you're a little reluctant to go abroad but Serum is a very good clinic, and there have been a number of ladies who've undergone tandem cycles, using OE and DE, so you're spreading your risk a little.  It may be worth contacting Penny at Serum for a free over-the-phone consultation to see what she says?  Penny would (I believe) charge 5,000 Euros for this but I haven't done it... 2 OE cycles there costs 4,000 Euros.  My OE cycles in the UK have cost between £6,500-12,000.


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## chapps67 (Nov 21, 2012)

Hi

I have been taking a look at the Serum website.  I will give Penny a call thank you.

I really appreciate your help.  I have been a little lost with it all.


Tracey x


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## Moragob (Apr 1, 2012)

Hi Tracey

We went to Barcelona and it cost around £7,000 including flights, accommodation, all drugs etc etc.  I also had to have a couple of extra tests done as there were some anomalies on the first one ie breast ultrasound (as the mammogram was inconclusive).  Talk to your GP though about how much help they will or won't give, some GP's will rewrite the overseas prescriptions and arrange for a lot of tests on the NHS, mine was very little help at all so a big chunk of my cost was drugs.  We also spent a few days out in Barcelona both times and so this includes hotels, meals etc that could have been avoided.  Once I was pregnant my GP and local hospital couldn't have been better, and I am being scanned  every 4 weeks.

Some of these consultants need a rocket - they are so offhand and have no thought to how their pronouncements might affect someone.  I think they forget that they are dealing with people.  Others are fantastic, it really is pot luck - just like the GP's.

Anyway all teh very best, I wish you success whichever route you take.

Morag


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## PixieX (Oct 22, 2012)

Hi Chapps,

Im 41 and most of my tests were good but for my egg reserves which were also 4.  My fertility consultant really wanted to rush us through as the level was so low although nothing has been mentioned about egg donation so Im hoping theres still a chance we get stimulate a couple of good eggs 

Id certainly ask for a referrals to another clinic and consider whether you can afford a cycle.  From my experience, the low egg reserve isn't a barr for it, although obviously it makes it a tougher journey and the drugs Im taking are such a high dose, the side affects are difficult (although not unbearable).  

We've also been discussing adoption and we're in a really positive place right now in pursuing this also.  

Good luck and take care

p
x


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## chapps67 (Nov 21, 2012)

Hi

thank you all so much.....

i have been off work with a injury to my knee (long story!) so have had so much time to think....which in some cases is not a good thing!
I emailed Penny at Serum and have filled in the questionaire and sent it off for her to take a look at so fingers crossed.  This part is apparently free In CARENorthampton, that would cost £450.......

I called my consultant and spoke to the nurse there who was very very helpful and encouraging...she practically said sorry for the behaviour of the consultant.  They said they would do any scans that were required, tests etc which is good.  I will certainly look into my GP re-writing the drugs prescriptions if we decide to go for it.

It is unfortunate that some professionals are so trite.

I am a bit scared to be honest.....

Tracey


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## chapps67 (Nov 21, 2012)

Hi

My consultation with Penny from Serum is tonight at 7.30 pm.

My DH and I are quite nervous.  I have read so much about this, and my head is swimming.

Naively, I am not sure how the conversation is going to go and what is going to be said.  Has anyone out there had a consultation with Penny?  We have some questions to ask, but dont want to miss anything important out.  Are there any pressing questions we need to ask tonight?

We have still been trying to conceive naturally.....I am passed ovulation and am due for a period 12th.  My breasts are really really heavy and sore which I never get..........................my head is full of what if's.....I am getting way beyond reality here and am finding it hard to calm myself down.  I am the most rational person normally.  Any tips on how to stay focussed? I am at my wits end right now.

Sorry for the pathetic post.

T


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