# It's been a while! Why is nothing ever easy?



## twinklets (Jan 31, 2012)

Well I've been keeping a low profile lately, I think the last time I was on here was in March!  Not much has happened since then which is why I've not been on here.  I did have an initial appointment booked to discuss treatment in March but due to financial issues I was no longer in a position to start treatment.  I've had a lot of time to think about things the last 6 months and nothing has changed, I still want a baby more than ever, it's just so hard to get what I want 

I feel very much alone as I have no one to confide in, my best friend has a 10 month old baby and I have been feeling a bit surplus to requirements.  I know she is busy with the baby, but that's all she goes on about she's not interested in me any more and there is no way I am mentioning my desire for a baby because I have been there and done that before and always get the same answer "you don't know how hard work it is having a baby, especially if you were a single parent"!  I know all this but I believe I would cope, it would be harder being a single parent but I am prepared for that as I k now it will only be me doing it all myself and I'm happy with and in some ways think it would be easier as you make your own rules and avoid disagreements over discipline, etc!

Things have been particularly hard recently with a lot of people I know becoming pregnant or having babies which is making me so miserable, when is it going to be my turn getting to post a scan picture on ******** and have the countdown on my profile eagerly awaiting the arrival of my little bundle of joy.  The truth is I fear it will never happen 

I wish I could buy some sperm, take it home and inseminate myself and 9 months later baby - if only!  I can dream!!!

T x


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## silverbird (Aug 8, 2011)

hugs twinklets.

Not able to think of much contrutive to say but I really feel the same a lot.

There really is no reason to think it won't hapen for you though your young and I don't beleive have any feritlity problems (unless I'm misremembering then apologies).

Can you do anything to get out a meet new people?


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## sohocat (Aug 11, 2009)

Hi: I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. I really hope your time will come!    Going out and meeting other people is a good thing to do-I hope you can do that. I have a DD-I had her 2 years ago and for what it's worth and not to discount your feelings at all, when I had my baby I changed completely. I was changed forever. I walked into the hospital and walked out a different person. I had no idea and you can not explain it or tell someone about it-you have to just experience it in person. No one can ever tell you. You can hear the words but not really get it. And when you have a baby, esp. in the first year, all you care about is your baby and taking care of her/him. It is such a strong powerful feeling that I believe it is on a biological basis (is you are a good parent that is and have that in you-some people don't have that   ). And it is harder that anyone could ever tell you-plus the lack of sleep is murder. It makes you feel crazy sometimes. Not to say what your friend says is ok, but to put things into perspective. And not to take away your wanting to have a baby because I really hope it happens for you and finances being short are so, very frustrating and hard esp. when you want this to badly! There is nothing like it in the world-being a parent and I wish it for with all of my heart! I hope your dreams come true.


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## twinklets (Jan 31, 2012)

I understand that becoming a parent will change your life forever and I know that everything revolves round the baby for her but all I would like is the odd text now and again, it is always me that has to text her and yet she has time to update ********!  All I would like is a bit more understanding to how I am feeling instead of dismissing my plans by saying fertility treatment is for couples who can't have children not for the likes of me, it is a waste of money!!  That is easy for her to say but I bet if she was in my position she'd be doing everything she could to have a baby.  She is also very patronising about how hard parenthood, I am not stupid and know it won't be easy but that doesn't mean I don't want to do it!  I just want to get on with things and get started with everything but money is quite tight at the moment and I am terrified of going to appointments on my own 

T x


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## sohocat (Aug 11, 2009)

Well, if she is saying IVF is for couples and not you, that is not ok and very dismissive of your feelings! I'm very sorry and I hope you find the support your deserve and need. And yes, financial issues are so hard! I understand about that! take care.


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