# Where to start?



## CathyK (Feb 11, 2007)

Hi all

I having been searching the internet for information on Surrogacy and finding it all a bit overwhelming (too much information - aargh! ).

Over the past 5 years we have been undergoing IVF.  We recently went for Chicago tests which showed that I have an unusually high level of Natural Killer cells.  We started on treatment for this which resulted in me being hospitalised after an allergic reaction to the medication  - typical me  .

We have 12 frozen embryos sitting waiting for us to use but have come to a cross roads.  We are now considering adoption or surrogacy.  We are a bit torn as to the best road to go down.  We really want to adopt and always said that even if IVF worked we would love to adopt another child.

However we are getting feedback that it is likely that adoption agencies won't consider us whilst we have frozen embryos...  therefore we have started thinking more seriously about the surrogacy route.  

The problem is I really don't know where to start.  I have looked at the Surrogacy UK site and Miracles do Happen but I still don't know how you go about meeting someone who would be prepared to be your surrogate.

Does anyone have any advice that they can offer?

Thanks in advance

CJ


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## surromummyuk (Oct 4, 2007)

hi hun,check your messages.i am an experienced straight surrogate,just had my second surro babe 5 weeks ago.i went independent and met my ips through a message board,we got to know each other,then we met up and now they are proud parents to adem and ayla!my ips felt hopeless and desperate for a family when they met me,they had tried ivf and surrogacy but had not been successful,well it was all worth the wait,i say never give up on your hopes and dreams,it will happen,please pm me anytime,i would be happy to offer any advice
love nicXX


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## Jaq (Sep 23, 2003)

Hi Cathy

Sorry to hear you've had a rough journey so far, but great that you have 12 frosties - really hope they will become your much wanted family   
The first thing you need to do is get as much info as you can - the SUK and COTS sites have useful stuff, and you can look on their public forums and post questions. There are also independents (such as A Little Wish) and sites based abroad (mostly USA) which can give you a bit of a feel for some aspects of surrogacy (though the procedures can be very different even in different states of the US). Also you can go along to SUK get togethers without joining up as a full member (I believe that is still the case - any SUK people on here could confirm that). Basically, as I see it, SUK works on the go along and meet people route (at meet ups and on the website), chat, and then hopefully surros and IPs who get on arrange to work together; with COTS your profile will be sent out to surrogates who then get to choose a couple who then meet to see if they all get along, etc. COTS is the older and bigger organisation and both charge (not an insignificant amount) to join, but which (if either) to go with is entirely up to you and what you feel comfortable with. The time you will have to wait to be "chosen" is very variable - you may be lucky pretty much straight away or it could be months or even years. But it worked for us and now we are a family with our gorgeous Timothy making life wonderful  

Good luck!
Love Jaq


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## EJJB (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi Cathy,
Jaq is right you can attend SUK socials and conferences without becoming a member.
However all the surros who are members would not consider working with non member IP's because they would not then be able to receive the support that SUK offers.
We had our daughter through SUK, we met our surrogate at one of their socials , and became good friends with her. We are still in touch over a year later, and have made many good friends through SUK.
I would advise that you read all you can on the SUK website and maybe post if you have any questions. You could also attend some socials , the next conference is not until March, before you make up your mind if surrogacy and SUK are for you.
EJJB
  x


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## CathyK (Feb 11, 2007)

Hi girls

Thank you so much for your replies.  You have given me a great starting point.
I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me, what would I do without you all? 

CJ


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## Jennifer (Jul 22, 2004)

Hi Cathy

We met our IPs at a SUK get together in Guildford   They have regular meet ups of members all through the year in various locations so there is bound to be one near you at some point 

Good Luck


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## OD2 (Oct 1, 2007)

It would be good to meet you at a SUK social some time Cathy.  If nothing else, it's great to chat to people in the same position - it's a supportive community as well as a good chance of meeting someone to help you.  You won't be under pressure to join - it's fine just to come along and ask questions and it's very informal.

We joined about a year ago, met our surrogate within a couple of months, spent a few more months getting to know each other better then she offered to help us.  For various reasons we weren't able to start trying straight away, but now we've done our agreement (where we unofficially "sign up" to "work together" - there's a bit of jargon in htis game!!) and are ready to go.

Good luck, whatever you decide - take your time.

Fx


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## Fruitbat24 (Nov 6, 2006)

Hi 

I joined both COTS and SUK.  I was hoping to increase my chances of meeting a surrogate mum.  In the end we decided to cancel our membership with COTs and stick with SUK.  We found the organisation extremely helpful - both as a source of information and also as a support network with people who truly know where you are coming from. Another similar organisation is Miracles Do Happen - which is very similar in its makeup to SUK - but a much smaller organisation.

We were lucky enough to have had a chance with someone we met at SUK - very quickly - but as her personal situation has changed dramatically we couldn't carry on trying.  Now we are still there and feeling well supported and sane despite all that we have been through.

Please email me if you want to know more.


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## OD2 (Oct 1, 2007)

Just for the record, be careful about assuming people are sane, just because they say they are feeling that way


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## Fruitbat24 (Nov 6, 2006)

Thanks Hun - my sanity is only hanging on by a thread - but it has always been like that - even before the surrogacy!!  LOL


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