# Having a major wobble - how will I cope?



## Mum of 1 at last! (Jun 20, 2011)

Hi ladies

After 18 failed cycles (1 ectopic), my next cycle was definately going to be my last and I was going to throw everything at it, I have found a fantastic clinic in Greece where I am more than happy but due to home commitments I find it very difficult to keep popping over to Greece and staying out overnight!

I found a consultant over here in the UK who was prepared to do a hysto and implantation cuts for me and he also recommended another laparoscopy and possible removal of my remaining fallopian tube due to possible hydrosalpinx, this was all to be done under one GA as a day case.

When I came round, the hysto had gone fine and to plan but he couldnt do the lap because when he tried to put the camera in - he couldnt due to severe adhesions, rather than go straight to open surgery (which I am pleased that he didnt because no-one in my family knew I was having the op), he brought me round with the option to discuss and see what I wanted to do next. He is hopeful that I wont have to pay for the next surgery as it can be done under 'complications' as it was a private op under a 'fixed package' pricing structure.

My problem is: as I have been laid here in agony for the last couple of days I have been wondering how I am going to explain away another op to my family - I havent told them about the last 6 or 7 transfers, the three trips to Greece or the op in Greece because I dont want to worry them , I think they think that I have given up on IVF due to my single status!

If I do go for the op,it means at least an overnight in hospital and I would have to get someone to come and stay at my house (- very rural and animal commitments)

What happens if something goes wrong and I have to stay in longer (I have never worried about these things before!)

What happens if it works and heaven forbid I actually do get pg? I might have to go into hospital like Kate Middleton did - who would look after things if I had to go to hospital?

Am I being selfish in pursuing this? should I give up now before this major op I'm so confused


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

you have been through a lot, sorry to hear about all the recent complications with your surgery too   
whilst I totally understand you not wanting to worry your family, surely it would be better to tell them what's going on so they can help/support you? I know my family would always rather I came to them with a problem rather than keeping it from them...although of course families can be difficult so only you can judge what's right in your own case
if not family, do you have a friend you could confide in who could be on 'stand by' to help out if you did have to stay in hospital
failing that, you could I guess simply pay someone to help? a housesitter for example? (I think there are agencies who will help you find someone?)
I guess what I'm ultimately saying is that there are always ways round it if you want it enough...if the plan was to give it one last go in Greece, I think you might regret it if you don't go ahead with that plan? 
One thing I would def say is take it a step at a time...don't worry about what happens when you are pregnant and whether you'll need to be in hospital (hyperemesis which Kate has is quite rare I think and there's no reason to think you'll have anything other than a smooth pregnancy   ) - focus on the immediate next step and let the rest take care of itself
I think most of us singlies would have given up if we'd thought too far ahead (I would never have thought I'd manage with twins!) - but in the end it tends to work itself out   
wishing you the very best of luck, hope you can work things out,
Suitcase
x


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Oh darling, this sounds really tough.
Is there really no close friend or family member you could confide in, and who can be by your side and perhaps help you with those decisions and just give you some support? You may be surprised at their positive reaction.
x


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## Passenger42 (Jan 27, 2010)

Hi


I think you need to take one step at a time.


Firstly you have come this far and have already made up your mind that this is going to be your last attempt and you are going to give it your all, therefore you need to go ahead with this op to give yourself your best shot.


It seems from what you are saying that your family have been supportive and have known about previous IVF attempts, but not the recent trips to Greece.  I suppose you have a couple of options, either come clean and tell them that this is your final go and you need them to help you through this or you can decide to be economical with the truth and say you have some gyni problems which you need a little op for and can they look after the pets for a day and collect your from the hospital?


I don't think you should be worrying too far ahead about what to say when you get your BFP, your family will be over the moon with this news that it will far out weight any concerns about you not telling them about a recent tx.


You have come a long way on a very hard journey, I am sure you wont let this deter you.  You are brave enough to go out to Greece on your own and have had to keep all the disappointments to yourself.  I understand this myself as I had 3 tx alone and finally got some success, so don't give up hope it will work out for you.


If you feel its too stressful to tell your family what is happening, use a dog sitter with a good reputation or ask a friend to pop in to check on the animals and arrange some transport to collect your from the hospital.


Heck Sarah, if you live anywhere near Berks, pm me and I will help you out myself, although Lincs is a good clue your not in the South East.


I hope it goes well for you


Passenger x


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## mierran (Apr 24, 2009)

Hi, hope you dont mind me posting here.

i just wanted to say that adhesions aren't normal obviously so there is something going on causing them and, for your health, i think you are better getting them investigated. You can deal with the ivf and decide where you want to go with it after you're sorted.

What sort of animals do you have?  If you sort out food etc in advance cats will be fine for 24 hours. Horses are resiliant - they can be kept in if nec - and dogs can go into kennels. 
I think tho that for your own peace of mind you are better telling someone. Also, being an endo sufferer with severe adhesions that i've had ops on, you may not feel up to lots of physical lugging stuff about for a few days.if you have larger animals.

Depending on what is the cause of the adhesions, the long term outlook of not treating could have more impact on your ability to care for your animals than a night in hospital. 
Hope all goes well for you whatever you decide.

X x


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