# 6th ivf fail and just not coping



## buster24 (Jul 11, 2005)

well where do i start     this was my 6th fresh ivf this time we used my sisters eggs. I just had it in my head it would def work and it didnt. I am crying all the time, not going out, forcing my self to eat and after i ahve eating have to force myself to keep it down    . This has been the worst one ever. Usually after a fail i cry and am uspet for a few days then i am away plan plan planning my next move, but this time i just cant. I feel and so does my DH that for over 2 years all i have done is planned and done ivf, i went to istanbul last jan for a cycle and the june before that i had a BFP which ended in a early M/C which i was very upset about for maybe a week then i started treating it as if it had been a wonderful thing, i was like thats great i have been PG so it can happen again, and never really mourned the loss in any way. AS i did for all the other tx, I think now it has just all caught up on my both physically and mentally.
I feel a total failure, this is going to sound like i am up my own ****, but i am a very positve person and usaully strive to get what i want always have, i said i would pass my driving test age 17 first time and i did, i am going to have bought my first property age 19 i did, i am going to become a nurse did, this is my only fail in life. I also feel that DH part worked sisters part worked then me oh yes i  up as per usual. I am off work at the moment and due back on the 28th but i just dont think i can go back just now and this is another worry i hate taking time of work, got drs again on the 26th, I am starting to feel ill, i know its all in my mind, but i just feel drained. When will i start to feel like me again?
K XXXXXXX


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## mrsmc (Mar 8, 2005)

Hi 

I'm so very sorry you're going through this. I also had 6 failed cycles and it breaks my heart when I read posts like this.
Has your clinic got a counsellor because I really think you'd benefit from talking to them-they really do help. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you'd never mourned after your m/c and now this has brought it all back to you.
I'm sorry that I can't advise more but I didn't want to read and run.

Take care and try to stay strong.

All the best
Sarah x


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## buster24 (Jul 11, 2005)

thnakyou for your reply, i am going to see my GP on the 26th, so will see what he says, i was ment to have counselling from my clinic before the donor cycle but kind of fell out with her on phone after i said her research articles were dated, ans she said a child is for life not just as a baby i thought me and you are not going to see eye to eye, but could get counselling through work, but will just see gp first.
your story is good to know.
kim xxxx


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## Anners (Sep 26, 2007)

I have nothing but huge admiration for someone that has gone through 6 attempts. I can only imagine how draining physically, emotionally and financially that must be. But, you do come across as a very determined person, so please try not to be too hard on yourself and take the time to grieve this time without feeling you've got to rush into anything else in the next nanosecond.
Hope this doesn't come across as mumbo jumbo- but you have been through a hell of a lot and are bound to be feeling raw.
Take care of yourself,
Anners
x


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## laurab (Apr 17, 2006)

Kim,

Sweetheart, I don't know how you have managed to go through 6 cycles, I'm just dealing with my 3rd miserable attempt (awaiting the call for division of my only embie) and not sure where to go now myself.

Maybe you need to have a break and have a holiday with DH and just spoil yourselves and enjoy eachother.  

Will you try for another donor cycle? Have you thought about going abroad?  I know you lose the right to find the donor but its cheaper and great success rates.  Do you have some frosties?

Sending you hugs and am here if you need me.

XX


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## Empty2 (Aug 12, 2006)

Kim,

Just wanted to send you a   you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel the way you do, don't be so hard on yourself, you are a very strong and determined person to get this far.  Make sure you keep talking to your DH and like laura said maybe you could try going abroad.  We went to Cape Town for one cycle of DE (we chose the donor too) and DH said it was the best holiday he'd had (although my poor bruised bum didn't think so...but it amazing what a bit of sunshine and pampering can do, and I  got to 9 weeks with that cycle ) .  You can, in the right mind set, see this as a sort of adventure too, just to take a bit of the 'sting out of the tail' where the treatment is concerned and sometimes the result too.

Sending you and your DH some    

emps
x


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## Grumpygirl (Oct 24, 2004)

Buster,
I wanted to send you a huge hug       or six because you could have written exactly how I was feeling this summer. We've had 4 deivf bfn's, all abroad. This road is totally worth it if it works but if you keep banging your head up against a brick wall with disappointment after disappointment it is just bound to get to you. What you're feeling is grief and it's totally normal after everything you've been through.

I'm still feeling the grief but after I realised 2 months after the last bfn that I was crying every time I was on my own for any length of time I began to wonder if this was healthy. We've taken some time off and are looking at other options, and I have to say I feel relieved. The fact remains that we haven't met our goal, and like you I've always set myself targets and done whatever I could to achieve them, but I really have begun to feel like maybe I'm trying too hard to do something my body just can't. I know you're probably not at this point yet, but I just wanted to let you know that it's not so bad on the other side because once you're there there are other options open to you.  I sincerely hope that you get there on your next cycle, and am sending you lots of     and    

Only you know how much you can take and I hope you're a lot less potty about it than I was becoming!!! let me know if you ever want to chat or commiserate about failed cycles- they suck. 

Love
Giggly
xx


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## buster24 (Jul 11, 2005)

Thank everyone for your replys, i live in family of nurses we are all used to looking after others but not ourselfs i feel, But i think i am very deep. my sister is a psychy nurse and she asked me last night" do you think you are depressed" normaly i would have said no i am not, but i never i said yes i am, because i know how i am just now is not normal, like you giggly i cannot be on my own for more than a few hours and i am crying and crying     which is so unlike me.
laura i have 8 frosties but right now i am just to scared to think about another cycle, i have however made an appointment to see a dr at a new clinic in glasgow, they are having great success rates just now, and even better rates with their frozen embryos, for some reason. I have done the abroad thing twice now, and afraid it maybe was'nt for me we were in istanbul for 21 days, but i felt out my depth, not very relaxing during my tx as in a hotle room all that time, also found the launguage barrier a bit off putting at times, not with the drs but with the nurses, i found them cold. At this moment in my life i am truely skint, we have spent every penny we have and more much more. So it really is not an option. I did look at reprofit before the last tx but then sister offered me hers, wee darling. and she could not just up and go abroad as she has a wee 2 year old.
I hope GP can do something for me, sister at work may also be able to arrange counselling but i think i would bubble all the way through this.
DH and mum want me to go to  out apartment in tenerife for a week, but ia m jsut so worried about taking time off work??
thankyou all for your  lovely replys
kim xxx


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## mrsmc (Mar 8, 2005)

Hi Buster

Please get your gp to sign you off work and go to Tenerife. You have to look after yourself- s*d work. It's good that you've recognised that you're not your usual self.
Take time out to recharge your batteries and to think of your next plan.
Remember that anyone who has gone through what you have has to be a truly amazing person.
All the best in whatever you decide
Sarah x


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## 02cindy (Nov 21, 2007)

Hi there

just wanted to say my thoughts are with you at this time.   I could not just read and run.  I had a bfn yesterday after my 4th attempt, so feel pretty lousy also.  We have to hope that one day we will be blessed and get our reward on this mammoth journey.  as the ddays pass things do get easier, but is ok to feel like crap as well, just go with your heart.

good luck in whatever you decide to do.

02cindy


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## laurab (Apr 17, 2006)

Kim..

You have 8 frosties!!!!!  Thats fab!  I hear a place in East Sussex has had great success with taking frosties to blasts... I can find out the name but may be a bit far for you to travel?

But I agree, you need to be emotionally well before you try again.  Its so hard but maybe make a plan, that helps me.  Agree a period of rest maybe some anti-depressants to get you out of the 'hole' and make another time when you will come off them and start to think forward.  I promise I am here for you hon, just like you have been there for me.

XXXX


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## daisyg (Jan 7, 2004)

Hi K,

Sorry to barge your thread, but I just wanted to say I am really, really sorry you have had another bfn after all you have been through.

Forgive me if you have already been down this route before, but just wondered if you had considered some extensive implantation failure/miscarriage testing for you and your DH before you proceed? I am a great believe in trying to eliminate the common causes of failure as much as possible. I have produced a list of basic tests which your GP or clinic should be able to organise for you. You may have to have some of them privately, but they really are recommended.

The tests include karyotyping for your DH (not you if doing DE) plus sperm dna fragmentation and other sperm testing. For you it would include clotting screening including MTHFR, uterine issues (polyps, fibroids etc), thyroid, insulin resistance, autoimmune and immune issues, bacterial issues (e.g. mycoplasma, ureaplasma etc).

Did you achieve a good uterine lining with a triple stripe? Good E2 levels and high progesterone levels in the 2ww with good luteal support?

These are some of the questions I would ask before going forward, just to prepare as much as possible.

Here is a list of tests:-

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=80433.0

I know this looks really daunting, but many GPs can organise most of these tests quite easily. It may be worth a look.

Once again, I am really sorry. I hope you can find some answers and have your much needed success very soon.

Best wishes,

Daisy
x


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## buster24 (Jul 11, 2005)

laura thankyou and i will pray hard your wee embie is a good one    
Cindy so so sorry about your BFN it is just crap, take care      
Daisey thankyou for your reply it is intersting and i have actually enquired about this but the clinic i was at don't really go into that kind of thing, but  i am moving to another but i could do most of these test myself, and i think i just will. Spoke with mum tonight and she is very concerned about me and also feels i would be a danger to my patients more than help them    . so i am def going to see if GP will sign me off, and i think i may go over to tenerife for a week. And come home a new woman. Daisey i see it took you a while to, did you ever get this down. I feel like a right moan and honset to god girls this is so not like me.
oh and guess what i went to morrisons, took me the whole day to push myself to go, well i went ended up greetin all the way round people looking at me so i left trolley and shot out. how bloody embarrassing is that       
thanks so so much for making me feel not so nuts.
kim xxxx


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

kim  

just wanted to send you a cyberhug.

this is NOT your fault. 

I am glad you have made another appointment. If you cycle again, just ask them to throw the kitchen sink at you. I did on our last cycle. Assisted hatching, aspirin, steroids, extra hCG jabs after ET, you name it.

Go to Tenerife, and as the others have said, s*d the job. You are more important.

And be nice to DH  

lots of love

carole
xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## daisyg (Jan 7, 2004)

Hi K,

What you are feeling is so normal after what you've been through.  All the meds. plus all the hoping and waiting.  You may well be depressed as well, it is so common for people who are going throug this to feel depressed and just find it so difficult to pick themselves up and carry on.  I know I felt this way many times as well as incredibly angry and frustrated and just feeling like I would never get a break.

I think time away is a great idea.  Put youself first and take time out to let your body and mind have a break while you consider your next step.

Best wishes to you,

Daisy
x


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