# Is there any point trying?



## sickofwaiting (Jan 31, 2013)

Hi everyone. 

I'm having a really low week and feel like i've lost all perspective. I know my situation probably isn't as bad as some people's but I just feel really sorry for myself! Last month I felt really positive and then my period arrived.... the disappointment never gets any easier. We are both 29 and have been trying for 18 months, and hubby has a borderline low count, and poor morphology. His results were 10mil with 2.5% normal forms on the first SA, and 22mil with 2% normal forms on the second SA. He has been taking Fertilaid for 3 months but I don't know if it is doing anything... I feel like I keep giving myself false hope that it will happen naturally, is it impossible? I feel like if it was going to happen it would have happened by now, but I know that logic doesn't really apply to this. Part of me wants to keep trying naturally, and part of me just wants to give up and just wait for our IVF treatment (we have been referred and are undergoing further tests at the moment). I can't bear the constant wondering and waiting.... 

Sorry for rambling, just needed to vent!


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Oh sickofwaiting
I can fully understand your anguish and frustration when it doesn't happen naturally as quick as we'd ever hope or expect.  You're doing everything possible to give yourself the best possible chances of conceiving.... you're already ahead of the game knowing that your hubby maybe isn't as potent as you'd have expected.  Believe me hun, I know it's easier said than done, but try and not to worry too much about it.... and please don't allow baby making sex take over your love life... you know when your fertile window is, just try and keep things exciting....my hubby had a zero count and still managed to impregnate me - so there is always hope my lovely. 

IF you get to 2 years of trying, go to your gp for a referral for fertility tests and full investigations with a view to getting onto the waiting list for treatment, sadly they wouldn't refer you for any assistance until you've been actively been trying for a minimum of 2 years.

It's soo easy to get consumed with the whole, getting your hopes up, getting them dashed and having to pick yourself up and dust yourself down....infertility is horrendous....but there's loads of lovely ladies here to support you through the tough times.

Hugs
Sheila


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## sickofwaiting (Jan 31, 2013)

Hi Sheila, thanks so much for your reply  it's so nice to know I am not alone. I think we are doing everything we possibly can so that makes me feel better. We went straight to the doctor after a year of trying (i actually went before then but they told me to wait!) and i am glad we went as soon as we did, as we have got the ball rolling. We have already had a referral and we had our first appt with the gynaecologist at the hospital a couple of weeks ago. I had my bloods done through the GP which all came back normal, and I will shortly be having an HSG and ultrasound just to double check all is ok with me... hubby is going to have a 3rd SA and then we are going back to the gynaecologist in May when he will decide whether to recommend IVF or IUI. So we are making progress, i am just not a very patient person anyway so I'm finding all this extremely difficult! Hubby is much more patient than me... Apparently the rule of 2 years for referrals only applies in cases of unexplained infertility... I don't know if that's just in Brighton, but my GP said it was fine for us to be referred earlier, and the gynaecologist knows it's only been 18 months and didn't say it was a problem, so we are lucky i guess! 

So good to know that it can happen and that it did for you  I will try and stay positive. Thanks for your support. x


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## Tiggs81 (Aug 15, 2012)

Didn't want to read and run!

Just a quickie to say i completely understand how you are feeling. It's awful feeling so out of control. It sounds like you have well and truly got the ball rolling. Unfortnately the whole process takes time   . Luckily sperm does regenerate so in 3 months time you could see a significant difference in with your husbands SA. 

We have our first appointment with consultant tomorrow to discuss treatment plan

Good luck x


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## Dreams41 (Oct 30, 2010)

Never give up hope. It is always worth trying naturally. We had been ttc for 5 1/2 yrs, have had two lots of ICSI and been told we woild never conceive naturally due poor mobility and poor morphology of my DH sperm and i have also had tubal issues.  We were just starting to accept the fact that our future may be one withput being blessed with children and had decided to have one last go at ICSI only to discover that i was already pregnant. Miracles can and do happen. Try not to stress out too much and don.t let it take over your life as i know how easily it can believe me. Good luck, you are doing the right thing seeking advice from drs and getting ball moving with investigations but please please believe that there could still  be a chance of it happening naturally too. Xx


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## sickofwaiting (Jan 31, 2013)

Tiggs81 - thank you for your support, it's good to know that the way I'm feeling is normal. I get frustrated that people who haven't gone through this don't understand how it actually feels - but how could they? It feels like grief to me, even though no-one has died it's the only feeling I can compare it to. But people don't understand they're just like oh just carry on with your life and it will happen... errr I wish it was that easy! Don't get me wrong I'm not spending all day crying in bed but i feel like I don't really enjoy life like i used to, because this is always hanging over me. Like I just feel constantly a little bit sad! Good luck today, let me know how your appointment goes.

Dreams 41 - wow that is an amazing story, after all you went through, and thinking that you may never have children, to have it happen naturally - that's amazing! so happy for you. I can't even imagine how happy you must have been! i always torture myself thinking what it would feel like to get a positive pregnancy test, and it makes it worse!! i have an overactive imagination i think.. it's so good to know it can happen, I won't give up!

Thanks ladies xx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Sickofwaiting, I often think that fertility is like having a bereavement - some people enfold you in love and support whilst others will cross the road to avoid you - it's awful, and until you've been through it yourself, you have NO IDEA what infertility feels like.

Some comments are utterly ridiculous, as too are some suggestions  but they are well meant, they just aren't welcomed as being constructive.... I lied for years about wanting kids, just to avoid all the 'useful tips' - I got soo used to painting a smile on my face and telling everyone I was feeling great when all along I was crying inside - but it was a persona I was soo used to, I forgot how to be 'me'.

I am 'me' now, well, a Mam first and foremost, a wife, then me..... my journey to this point took a long time, and a small part of me wishes I had been more pushy in the early years (we did seek advice from our gp after 3 years and were fobbed off) but after having loads of physical problems as a child I was always too afraid to push in case I was told I could never have children.

I suppose looking back, that is my one and only regret, I didn't push harder sooner, but hey we got there and I appreciate my little miracle all the more for being older, wiser, more confident, and lots of stability.

Even if you end up going through fertility treatment - it ain't the end of the world, it's just not a journey any of us ever envisaged for ourselves....never give up hope - the reward can be soo worth it.
Hugs and best wishes
Sheila


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## sickofwaiting (Jan 31, 2013)

Sheila - it sounds like you have had a very difficult journey to get to where you are. But it's good to know it was worth it in the end!  I can understand why you didn't push - it's so hard to hear that you may not be able to have kids, I can't bear to use the word infertility. I couldn't bring myself to ask the doctor what our chances of conceiving naturally are, because I couldn't face hearing the answer. Having said that, my cousin was told she wouldn't be able to have children naturally, then got pregnant! so I think often the doctor gets it wrong, it's terrible, given how devastating it is to hear that. 

We are lucky that we have a very supportive network of family and friends, but there are still sometimes people who say insensitive things...trying to block it out! Am feeling a bit more positive today, just have to keep on trying and it will happen eventually and all of this will be a distant (horrible!) memory. 

xx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

SoW - we were told we only had a 0% - 1% of conceiving naturally but we managed it - sadly it resulted in a miscarriage but going through that trauma - it literally was the opening of a whole pandora's box !!!

Keep trying, but keep that 'spark' going - it's all too easy for baby making sex to become hum drum and dare I say it 
'get it over with' !!! It's great that you're on the ball pushing for answers, you're already ahead of the game, if it doesn't happen for you naturally once you hit that 24 month mark - you're ready to go with the next plan of action.

It might be a tough road, and they'll be good days and bad ones, but the support of the lovely ladies (and gents) here on FF is second to none.

Wishing you all the luck and babydust 
Sheila


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## BJenkess (Feb 5, 2013)

1 - Massive hug!!
2 - You're not alone!!
3 - Never give up hope!!

I am 29 and husband is 30, we have been trying for 19 months. I have been through so many emotions, we have argued, cried, thought about stopping trying all together and god knows what else, its completely normal what you are feeling. We have been through months where we dont have sex at all, times where its fun and loving, times where its a chore, but something just clicked before Christmas time that made me realise I just have to go with the flow and follow this path mapped out for me and know that one day it will happen, I have adopted the everything happens for a reason attitude.

Keep your chin up

xx


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## Lisafoxey33 (Mar 30, 2012)

Hi,after us trying for 24 months I fell naturally!! I got very down borderline I had to get medical help by speaking to someone. But I carried on by weight loss gym & I even went to church each week. Sonetgibg helped us my hubby stopped smoking & I fell dont give up keep trying Hun it will happen x


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## Ivfmamma (Jun 10, 2012)

It took me 5 years to concieve naturally, then another 3 1/2 to concieve naturally again so 8 1/2 years to concieve twice (both pregnancys were ectopic) but I still conceived on my own with no assistance, were now on to 2nd round if ivf obviously with no tubes no natural pregnancy can take place. 

It can & does happen on it's own - all the time x


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## sickofwaiting (Jan 31, 2013)

thank you everyone for your replies, I really appreciate the support  feeling MUCH better this week i think i was just on a bit of a downer. I am really busy with work which is helping take my mind of it as I was just driving myself crazy thinking about it all the time.... I am sure i will have low points again soon but glad i am feeling more positive for the moment! So good to hear it can happen naturally, i am really trying not to worry about it too much (easier said than done..) and have faith that it will happen when it happens and focusing on all the good things in my life right now. Holidays and weddings and summer to look forward to (winter is always soooo depressing!) 

thanks again and lots of luck and baby dust to you all xxx


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## pandagirl (Jan 12, 2013)

Hi Sickofwaiting and others

Wanted to give a few words of support and, perhaps, I need some myself as well. I know exactly how it feels - baby thoughts and fertility (or the lack of it) take over your life. I can't even plan any holidays properly, because I always think "what if next month I will be pregnant". I can't force myself to change my job either, although I'm sick of it - all because of this "what if...". I know that life has to move on, but it doesn't...It feels like I'm stuck at the moment when I started TTC and it feels ages ago (especially when 5 friends had new babies during this time!)   

Coming back to your main question - YES, it is worth trying and trying again, definitely, even though it makes BD boring "must do" routine! I recently got a surprise natural BFP after 24 months of TTC, sadly had a m/c shortly. I believe my BFP was thanks to vitamins and cycle charting (have you tried this?).  

Don't give up!


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