# Want a baby so much it hurts BUT am I too set in my ways?!



## lamb38 (Aug 17, 2013)

When I was 38 & 39 I had one round of IVF and one FET, both BFN's.  Like many of you I have that deep ache to have a baby, so this is going to sound daft..  I've been wondering if I'm really up to having a baby in my life now that I'm 40. 

I'll be honest and say that I'm shocked I'm having these thoughts at all and part of me thinks it means I shouldn't be going for IVF again. Maybe it's all the horror stories about being over 40 now that have set me more scared than before? Who knows. Anyone know what I mean?!


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

well it's always scary and never easy, but don't talk yourself out of trying anything because of 'what ifs'.
signed,
old and creaky goldbunny.


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Gosh I'm positively geriatric in comparison!  It has taken 8 cycles of treatment to get here but I am now just over 31 weeks pregnant with our first child at the age of 47 and my OH is 50.  Baby is due mid October so by that time we will be 48 and 51 years of age as we are both coming up to birthdays.

We do know it is going to be an utter shock to the system, we have been a couple for 23 years and - fingers crossed - will soon become a family.  Our relatively tidy house will become chaos, there will be nappies and toys everywhere, we worry about when baby becomes a toddler near our good stereo and tv, and we will of course be so, so tired.  Our pleasant evenings after work eating dinner, watching tv, or playing on our ipads will be a forgotten memory.  But there will be a key difference...

...we will be happy  

Having a child in your 40's is not new - its being happening for generations.  So whilst I get the fear that life will change, you are certainly "up to it" at 40!

also an old and very, very creaky
Turia x


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## Moragob (Apr 1, 2012)

I too am old and creaky... my daughter was born when I was 46 and I am 18 weeks pregnant again and will give birth when I am 49.  

Only you can answer your question but for what it's worth I have no regrets whatsoever in having a baby post 40 , if I did I wouldn't be doing it again!  Life has changed immeasurably but so far it's all been for the better    

And we still have a relatively tidy house and pleasant evenings eating good food just with the added bonus of a cheerful, happy and mischievous 2 year thrown in - and we have remembered how to really, really laugh  because 2 year olds are very funny 

Morag


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## betty21 (Jul 17, 2013)

I had my own biological child in my 20's - and have entered into motherhood again in my 40's - was 46 when i had my daughter via DE and am currently 11 weeks pregnant using the same donor at the age of 47 and will be 48 when i have this one - It in a way has been so much nicer having my lg in later life, i was more patient, i had grown up and life was far better finacially mentally and i was so much in a better place. I have not regretted a single thing, sleepless nights at odd times, being thrown up on and having this helpless little creature need me for everything has been the most rewarding thing ever - I know we used DE but what my body went through to have this perfect child has made me so amazed at what the human body can go through even later on in life and im so looking forward to going through all this again and to give my lg a direct sibling.


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

Hi
I echo all the sentiments on here. I must admit that I had the odd wobble when I was having treatment, wondering what I was doing - could I cope with the changes to my life, especially as I'm single so doing it alone. I decided that I would give it a go, otherwise I would regret it for ever, and if it didn't work, I was planning other life changes such as doing courses etc However, that's history now as I got a BFP!
I had tx with DE at 46, and my gorgeous son was born when I was 47. He's now just had his 1st birthday and I wouldn't give up a minute with him. It's the best thing I've ever done, although it's been hard. Friends, family and work colleagues have all been supportive - I was worrying about negativity from them but it didn't happen. I wish I'd had the chance to have my son when I was younger, but as the right man never came along, it never happened. Instead of thinking about the 'what if's' I decided to go for it. I think we're more patient and calmer when in our 40s.
I'm now planning on another cycle in Oct/Nov to try for a sibling - still on my own, and would like my DS to have a sibling. I'm using my DE frozen embryos. I'll be 48 when I have treatment, and if it works out, I'll be 49 when I have the baby. 
So you are definitely not too old - and it shows you'll be a good mum, as you are thinking it through and considering the wobbles.
Good luck whatever you decide.
Deb


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## morganna (Sep 16, 2008)

Had first baby.......last xmas day......i was 57
She is now rolling around on floor playing
The light and joy of my life..........
Go for it!!!!
Could not imagine life without her
Everybody loves her. She truly is a gift.
Morganna xxx


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Moragob - good to know the house can stay tidy (although how 2 adults can get it in such a mess I don't know  ) but certainly looking forward to the laughter    
Turia x


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## ecarg (Jun 17, 2010)

I recently gave birth to my very adorable first baby at 56 years. The coming of my baby into my life has enriched my life beyond comprehension and I could never have imagined it possible to love someone so deeply as I love her. I thank God everyday for such a great blessing. I am living my dream. 

If your heart desires it, go for it.


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## lamb38 (Aug 17, 2013)

I can't thank you all enough for taking the time to share your wisdom and experiences with me! It has gone a long way to making me feel much better. 

Such lovely stories   Thank you


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## Coolish (Jul 10, 2012)

I was 49 when I finally had my DD. We'd been a couple for about 12 years. No, the house isn't as tidy, but it's full of the love and games of my DD. It's certainly different than being a couple who can just pop out to the cinema or evening drinks, but our trips out are with DD - we go out for an early tea and she really enjoys waving to people and trying to make me laugh. Yeah I spent the first few months very tired, but seeing that first smile makes up for lost sleep.


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

I agree with jules - you still get to do things - just different things! DS loves to go out to get admired - he loves eating out - can't always concentrate on his food as he looks round, the little flirt - to get some attention. I've been to theatre once since I had him - used to go a lot, but I don't miss it. Love spending time with him. It's hard as I'm on my own, but coping well and have friends itching to look after him, if I let them. I'm back at work but only part time - didn't want to spend loads of time away from him, and he's enjoying nursery.
Life is wonderful - just not how it used to be, but I think it's better than regretting not giving it a go.
Deb


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## azanni (Aug 13, 2010)

What a fabulous thread , thank you so much for sharing your inspirational stories x


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## chooshoos (Dec 18, 2014)

Lamb, we had the same thoughts, we have been together almost 30 years and kids never came in to the equation, living abroad, double income, 5 holidays a year, cars and motorbikes, highly child-unfriendly home, heels and handbags galore! 

Funny enough it was on one of these stupidly exotic adventure holidays we realised we were done with it and wanted something more, something grounded and real and DH persuaded me to try for a baby. I guess although we are stuck in our ways we want a new way we are ready to change....

I think it will hit us like a steam train when it does (finally!!) happen as we are living an even more adult chaotic lifestyle these days but counting down the moments to being a family

good luck with your decision
X


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