# New to all this and feeling low *



## OnlyMe (Oct 11, 2007)

Hi all,

I made my first post on the Ireland board a couple of days ago but I could really use some more support right now. Apologies in advance if this gets convuluted as I'm a bit all over the shop and don't really know how or what to say. 

I (33) and hubby(37) have been TTC  for around 18 months now. I have been off the pill for two years. We had our very first consultant appointment last Wednesday. It turns out that it's looking like I'm not ovulating - the bloods showed I didn't ovulate last month and the scan showed no activity this month either which the consultant said there should be by now (day 13). She thinks that I might have endometriosis as my periods are all over the place and painful and are barely there. She also said that it might be better to skip the clomid step and go for more agressive treatment - injections or IVF. They are going to take bloods to check my FSH levels again on day 1 and day 7 and I'm booked in for a Laparoscopy on November 28th and she said they will be able to tell me more on that evening and will basically have a fair idea how to progress than. To say I'm gutted is an understatement. It has all become real and for some reason or other it never occurred to me that I might not be ovulating at all.Also, when IVF was mentioned straight away it has really got me stressing ... this is serious! I'm in bits since we found out and poor Hubby doesn't know how to react or what to say. It's taking me all my strength to hold the tears at bay. 
To add to it all hubbys 'normal' sperm is only at 15% which is borderline but the Consultant has said thet his stopping smoking should help that improve. He doesn't mind stopping and has talked about doing so for quite a while now but as an ex-smoker I feel sorry for him. Hopefully quitting will help resolve the 'normality' issue?

Sorry for this being such a negative first post on this board but I just need to let it out. I don't know how I'm going to wait until November to find out what's going on, I'm such a mess right now. And I suppose I don't know enough about all this to know what they might or might not find then. I haven't told anyone except for my sister who phoned at the 'wrong time' last night. I don't want to tell anyone at least until I know what's going on but how do I even 'hide' hospital appointments etc from people ..... sorry more rantings and random thoughts ... thanks for 'listening'

Again, apologies for whingeing


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## Samia (May 14, 2007)

Hi there,


Just wanted to say that we are in a very similar situation apart from the fact that I've already got a daughter and was pregnant last year but miscarried in the New Year.  Before I had DD I also went in for a laparascopy which only found a cyst which seemed to have done the trick after it got removed as I fell pregnant straight away after that!!    I didn't tell anyone about our problems until recently as we've had to have IVF(abandonned due to poor response) and I found it too hard to keep it to myself: a problem shared is a problem halved as they say!!  Don't know if that helps but don't worry November will be there before you know it and you will be lot better knowing what the problem is.   and a big  

Lots of love,

Sam


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## OnlyMe (Oct 11, 2007)

Hi Sam,

I'm so sorry abut your miscarriage and that IVF didn't work out for you.
Thank you so much for your kind words - it is so good to hear positive things and know that 'anything' is possible. I'm doing my best to not think of all the things that 'might' be and stop getting upset until I know for definate but it's easier said than done I'm afraid. I think it is the shock that has got me and I seem to be on a bit of a roller coaster - one minute I'm fine and thinking positive then the next I'm in tears ... I'm hoping that I'll be over the spontaneous tears stage by the time Monday comes around.

Anyways, I'm waffling again ...sorry.

Thanks again for your kind words - they are so very much appreciated.
Oh, and well done on the quitting smoking - you have the hardest bit behind you now (coming from an ex-smoker) - keep up the good work


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## kathleenannie (Mar 23, 2007)

Hi "only me"!

No words of wisdom I'm afraid but just wanted to say that you really don't need to apologise for being convuluted, negative, ranting, random or anything like that! This whole ttc business is really rubbish and it's absolutely fine for you to feel the need to vent some of the upset and frustration- that is one of the reasons this site is here.

Like you, I have my up days and then days when all I want to do is cry (and rant about how unfair it all is!) Me and DP have been ttc for 2 years now- officially we are "unexplained" although my partner also has slightly dodgy sperm (He's not a smoker, just a bit old!) It is unfair and it's so hard to keep going and trying to stay positive- but you have to so somehow you do.

Sending you lots of love and crossed fingers that your baby will be on it's way to you soon.
BTW- I am 33 too!
Kathleen Annie x


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## libra (Jun 23, 2006)

Hi, onlyme,
I agree no need to apologise for letting off steam,especially if it helps.Personally I've had a difficult time-but even just typing message,reading it,then deleting without posting,I've found very therapeutic  .
You will find different ways of coping at different times.
This is a very difficult game to play.Be gentle with yourself. 
You always know there is always someone here who understands how you feel & on the prctical side there is nearly always someone with the same physical or psychological concerns.
Have you discovered the different areas for different causes of failure to conceive?I think there's one on endometriosis.

ps-end of Nov will soon catch up on you then you'll have more idea where you go from there.

love libra.xx


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## OnlyMe (Oct 11, 2007)

Thanks Kathleen Annie and Libra for your support. 
This site is absolutley fantastic. It's very sad that so many people are having problems but it's also good that there is a place for us to support each other although, on reading some of the stories here it amazes me how brave people are and how they can gladly give so much support to others like me who has gone through nothing in comparisson - it makes me feel guilty for being so upset over so little when others have had such a long and hard road. Hopefully, in time, I will be able to 'pay back' and give others support.

I'm not having too bad of a day so far thankfully. I decided to treat myself and have a massage to try and get rid of some of this stress and it worked a bit. Poor hubby is starting on his 'trying to quit smoking' phase. We just had some friends over (smokers too) and he said that he's not smoking in the house anymore - this coming from someone who smokes EVERYWHERE. It's his way of cutting down before giving them up altogether. I'm so proud of him 'cause I know how hard it is so fingers crossed! 

Kathleen Annie, hubbys first reaction when I was diagnosed was 'at least we know there's something - it would be worse if they found nothing'. At first I thought that was rubbish but now I'm not so sure, I can only imagine how hard it is not knowing and not being able to 'fix' it. Hopefully things will just fall into place for you and it will happen soon. When my sister was trying for her second child it took her two years so there's always hope.  

Libra, I found the board on Endometriosis and there's a BRILLIANT thread there on what to expect, how to prepare and questions to ask when having a Laparoscopy so at least I can prepare for November and I know what to expect. I'm still a bit confused with the different treatments and diagnosis but I'm learning and I know I'll soon figure out where my questions should be posted.

I just need to figure out how to stop mum-in-law's not so subtle comments on babies now - I didn't take too much notice of them before but now I don't think I could cope with them. I don't want to tell her anything about this yet .... any tips 

Thanks again everyone, hugs and babydust to everyone  

PS, I'm figuring out those smilies - aren't they soooo cute


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## eclaire (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi Onlyme  

Welcome to FF   Don't be so hard on yourself. I personally think one of the most stressful parts of the whole journey is the initial stages, when you start to realise you're not likely to conceive/have been trying for months, but don't know why. It is also extremely frightening going through the initial tests and wondering what they may or may not find. I agree with you though, I personally found it easier to be given a reason for our difficulties and have the greatest of respect for people who are diagnosed 'unexplained' because that must be so tough to deal with   It's important that you and your husband have open communication about how you both feel, and do allow yourselves to feel upset and deal with it if that's how you feel. I'm sure that once you have some more complete answers it will help, but also make use of any counselling that is available as that can be very helpful. Although it is very frightening to be told you may need IVF and worth querying your treatment options, I do know of people who have been through years of surgery and ovulation treatments just to end up needing IVF and wishing they'd got to that point years earlier.

It sounds like you are doing the right things, taking time out to do nice things to relax you, and good for your hubby trying to give up smoking, no mean feat   It's probably also worth copying your post and also putting it in the 'Introductions and Starting Out' thread/board because it's more likely to be noticed by a moderator and they'll point you in the direction of the best threads for you to look at.

Wishing you the very best of success in the future and hope you find things a bit easier from here on in    

Best wishes,
Elaine


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## OnlyMe (Oct 11, 2007)

Hi Elaine,

I know what you mean about IVF - it just completely took me by surprise to be mentioned so soon but if that's the best way to go about it then so be it. I'm thankful that my Consultant is being proactive rather than being the 'by the book' and 'seeing how it goes' type - I liked her attitude of 'you want more than one, right?' - it's good that she has a positive outlook as hopefully it will help us be positive. I hope the main partner in the consultancy is as nice as her.

Hubby knows he has to give up smoking as our consultant won't treat us if either partner smokes but all the same I think he's brilliant   . He's a bit of a typical man though - not too much into talking about feelings etc. - he tends to bottlethings whereas I can't help but let it out. I know it makes him feel worse to see me upset but I suppose now he'll have to just get used to it  . I don't know what the counselling options are here (we're in the West of Ireland - in the country) but I'll definately talk to my doctor about it when I go in for my bloods - thankfully she's an absolute dote and I'm sure she'll have some suggestions.

I'm going to take your advice and post on the Newbies board (I didn't want to hijack the whole Forum by posting everywhere and wasn't sure where I should post first).

Thanks for 'being there' - don't know what I'd do without all of you


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## Moshy29 (Aug 13, 2006)

I just wanted to say hi and sympathise with how you are feeling right now.

Please don't under estimate what a difficult stage you are at right now.  I personally think that one of most difficult times on this journey is the initial one of acceptance and the harsh realisation that we may not conceive without help.

In my opinion, it is also one of the lonliest times where (unless you find sites such as this) there is little help / support and lots of uncertainty about the future whilst you are awaiting tests and dreading results etc.

Once you know what you are dealing with, it almost gets a little easier as the acceptance of the situation sinks in and you just want to get on with whatever it takes to reach your dreams.

This site is an absolute life saver for anyone at any stage on this journey, you will never feel alone from this point on becuase even when you think your friends/family just don't understand your feelings, you are never far from a fertility friend who knows exactly how you are feeling, that in itself helps us all to cope and treasure the support of so many wonderful ladies we don't know and have never met.  However, in my local area I have met up with lots of ladies locally from this site and have made some wonderful new friendships.

I would like to wish you all the best with your investigations and all the luck in the world with whichever route you decide to take.

Love and hugs      

Moshy x x x


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## OnlyMe (Oct 11, 2007)

Hi Moshy,

It's good to hear that I'm pretty normal finding it hard adjusting to our 'news' and it's also good to know that some relief (not sure if that's the right word?) will come once we are diagnosed fully. I know it will be most likely a long road ahead and I'm scared stiff of dissapointments but at least we will be on the road if you know what I mean.

I have a feeling that I will be on here quite a bit for the forseeable and I hope to make some friends - everyone here has been fantastic and I'm sure I will find some comfort here.

PS, I couldn't figure it out at first but I guess the Moderators have merged my tow posts (I originally posted this on the Peer Support Section and then started another post here)

Oh and Moshy,


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

OnlyMe said:


> PS, I couldn't figure it out at first but I guess the Moderators have merged my tow posts (I originally posted this on the Peer Support Section and then started another post here)


Hi

I sent you a PM (personal message) and explained what I had done  If you have a look at the top right hand corner of your screen (on this webpage) you will see where it says Hey "Only Me" (your user name), you have X messages, X are new.....if you click on here it will take you to your personal message inbox.

Take care
Natasha


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## OnlyMe (Oct 11, 2007)

Hi Natasha,

Sorry about that - I should have read the rules prior to posting...I took Elaine literally and copied the post (more or less) from Peer Support to here   (me that is!  ). I will know for again and will also know to look for PM's


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

Not a problem hun 

Take care
Natasha x


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.

Emma
x x x x


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## OnlyMe (Oct 11, 2007)

Thanks Emma!

Everyone here has been so welcoming and supportive, what a fantastic bunch you all are  - I have a feeling I'll be on here quite a bit for the forseeable


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello OnlyMe, welcome to Fertility Friends. 

You are feeling very confused and frightened right now.  But you are going through a very traumatic time and it is normal to feel this way -I've been exactly where you are; wondering, scared, hoping it won't be IVF; I think a good deal of the ladies on here know exactly where you are at, emotionally, right now. 
You story sounds very similar to my own from early on, except I was diagnosed with endo (and had a laparoscopy) before finding out I didn't ovulate, had PCO etc. I won't repeat it all here but go read my profile; it's all there. 
When you have your laparoscopy, will they also be checking your tubes are clear (lap and dye? ) If you haven't been told this, it might be an idea to ask them to do so as well as a lot of this will depend on what treatment you need. 
On a positive note, after my laparoscopy (mainly for endo) I was told that I had about an 18 month window where, if I was going to get pregnant naturally, I would in that time and, many ladies do go on to do just that!

I have left you a few links that I hope you will find helpful:

*Meanings ~ *CLICK HERE

*FERTILITY INFO GUIDES ~ *CLICK HERE

*Starting out & Diagnosis ~ *CLICK HERE

*Investigations & Immunology ~ *CLICK HERE

*Complimentary Therapies ~ *CLICK HERE 

You can "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people from the same clinic as you.

We also have a newbie night in the chat room every week (see link for times / dates), where you can meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.
 CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

Lots of luck with your surgery. Do let us know how it goes.

C~x


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## hellsbells32 (Oct 9, 2007)

Hi Onlyme

Am so sorry for what you have gone through.  Mother in laws are the worst - i had mine phone me yesterday and ask if i had fallen yet - as i explained to her i was only 3 days after et.  Just tell her that you are waiting a wee while as neither of you feel you want to start just now - after all you are only 33. i used that one and it worked for a wee while .

I also dont ovulate - think i have probable ovulated twice in my life and thats it.  IVF is really scary and daunting but you will get loads of support from this site.  I just wish i had found this years ago as the the advice you will get here is amazing.

The worst bit of the whole process is when you first get told there is a problem - i know is was for my DH and me.  After we went onto the list we just chilled out (we didnt have to stress about dates and charts anymore) and had some fun with each other and it was brilliant.

Sorry am rabbiting on here - anyway i just hope it all works for you and sending you a few    

Cheers

Helen


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## OnlyMe (Oct 11, 2007)

Hi Caz and Helen,

Caz, yours is 'some' story! You are a very very brave woman like so many others on here. I hope, when it comes to it, I will be half as brave.
To answer your question, yes, it's a Lap and dye I'm having done. Reading on here I'm glad they are doing it all together. When the Cons told me about the dye the significance didn't really register until I read on here. I'm still fairly up in the air about all the tests and treatments but I'm reading and learning  Thanks for the links too - I'm going to have a busw week going through them 

Helen, I've used the line of 'not being ready yet' with Mum-in-law for quite a while and she just doesn't get it. To be honest, it breaks my heart saying 'not yet, we're having too much fun' or something similar. It doesn't help that her daughter is expecting her second. It was a 'surprise' as her first child is only 15 months and she's due with this one in March.MIL keeps going on about 'when it's you' etc. Also, SIL is a bit of a whinge and keeps going on and on and then MIL keeps going on about poor daughter ... they haven't a clue ... what I wouldn't give to be tired, have swolen ankles etc etc ....
The other day (two days after the Cons appt) she started on about a holiday we have booked for Christmas (booked before we found all this out) saying that 'ye have a great time of it' - I swear, when I didn't go through her for a short cut I never will ...

Ok, I'm breathing again ... sorry for the rant .. she just drives me crazy   

thanks again Girls


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## hellsbells32 (Oct 9, 2007)

Hiya

I can definately relate to that one, why are mil's so insensitive?!!!! after i had my first m/c mine talked to me for over an hour about all these people who had had one - i could have decked her    i came away even worse than b4.

Try not letting her get to you - i know its easier said than done but stuff them - you only need to tell them what you want and when you want to do it - just remember this is about you and your dh - the rest whilst can be a good support are irrelevant in all this.  I know where you are coming from with the not ready etc i keep getting asked from people at work and stuff and i just want to tell them all to **** *** as its none of their business.

Sorry think i need some chocolate as am sounding really angry just now which aint good. 

Seriously though try not to take it all to heart - it will only make you feel worse and just concentrate on the two of you.

take care  

Helen


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## ♥keepinghope♥ (Nov 28, 2006)

hello there

sorry you are having such a hard time of it all but you have come to the correct place for support and i assure you you can moan all you want on here.. the waiting is the worst part but there may still be hope that you can go down the clomid route before ivf. some girls fall pg after a lap and dye as its suppost to clear the tubes out. my friend was one of the lucky ones. you may be to positive thinking.

wish you luck keepinghope xx


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## OnlyMe (Oct 11, 2007)

Aawww Girls, ye are the best!!   . It's so good to be able to vent. I don't want to do it in front of hubby as, after all, she's his Mother and he's used of her ways whereas my Mum would NEVER intrude or even hint at anything. I suppose I have other 'issues' with MIL - she seems to think that because we have no kids she can 'concentrate' on her other 'kids' and their families - she would climb to the moon for any of them and bends over backwards when they ask her to do anything BUT, when it comes to us, well it's a different story entirely. I wouldn't mind so much except that we are always inviting her for Sunday Lunch and giving her fairly substantial 'pocket money' when she goes away ,Xmas etc, which the others don't do.....Sorry ... I'm on a roll ... be warned ...MAJOR MIL vent!! ...  
Anyways, we never ask her many favours as she's always running around after the others but we asked her to dog-sit last year when we were going away with my Sister for her 40th and she basically refused. The dog had a tummy 'thing' and she said she might pass it on to one of the kids .... Hubby ended up having to come home from the w'end in between to sort furbaby out.... I swore then I'd never ask her another favour but made the mistake of forgetting that¬ A few weeks ago when we were booking our hols for December (we were / are trying to get them in before the 'family' thing!) we decided we wanted to go FOR Christmas. My Mum usually dog-sits but she's not in the best of health so would go to my Sisters (in Derry) for Xmas instead of coming to us. Anyways, because Mum would be in Derry for a few days hubby asked MIL if she would take Bobo (thats furbaby) for the few days .... guess what her answer was .... 'Oh, Daughter will be here' ... so NO!!! I swear I'm ripping, her daghter and grandchild LOVE Bobo and Bobo is fantastic with kids - it's not even as if she's worried that something might happen shes just    . So upshot was, we had to change our dates so that we had Xmas at home and my Mum will take him aferwards. Now here's the Crowning Glory - Hubby and I normally have both families for Xmas (except when MIL decides to go to other Sons). Anyways, this is the year MIL due to come to us. I 'told' hubby, NO WAY - she mucked up our plans there's no way I'm entertaining her on Xmas day. Well, hubby hasn't told her yet - just hinted. The day she made the stupid 'ye have a great time' comment she was asking what was happening about Xmas now thae we were going away on Dec 26th!!!!! - The  nerve!!!

Sorry, sorry, sorry for that MAJOR rant - I know it's nothing to do with the main issue but I couldn't seem to stop myself . Now Helen, where's that chocolate  I swear, I'm not usually such a b**** but I can't seem to help it when 'she' comes into the picture. 

Now, vent over, as you said Helen, to h*** with them, hubby and I will get through it together and she'll be none the wiser (which will kill her when she eventually finds out cause she's a nosey git ).

Keepinghope - I have read quite a few places about the dye helping so I'm VERY gald it's being done soon on me ... you never konw what might happen and even if it doesn't I'll know that everything is OK in that dept (hopefully!).

Again, apologies for major rant but somehow I feel better


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF  Only me
 
 dont worry about the MIL rant weve all had one at one time or another and if its not the MIL its another insensative family member  

You may be interested in a thread over on the relashionships board heres the link 

Main board --> http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=136.0

Thread for great answers to the baby Question  --> http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=91444.0

Check out the *Locations boards* for your home town & a site search for your *clinic* 

Wishing you Friendship  &    


If you need any help just ask!
~Dizzi~


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## OnlyMe (Oct 11, 2007)

Thank you SO much Dizzi!!! I was a bit sorry I had posted that rant ... but you made me feel much better ... thanks honey  .

Those are GREAT links. I have just gotten as far as page 4 of the 'excuses' thread and I LOVE LOVE LOVE some of the knock- backs ....... 'up the bum'    - FANTASTIC!!!

Thanks again 

Only xxxxx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

I knew it would make you smile   

~Dizzi~


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi *onlyme* and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic site full of advice and support and you have been left some great links to try out.

I wish you loads of luck with everything.

Kate xx​


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## OnlyMe (Oct 11, 2007)

It certainly did Dizzi!!!

Thanks for the welcome Kate, I'm still finding my way around and am collecting information so that I' 'in the know' by the time November 28th gets   here


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