# It may never happen again :(



## twinkletoesb (Sep 20, 2013)

Hello, I've never posted in this thread before- I've never noticed it before! I hope it's appropriate to my post.

My husband and I were talking last night about our next treatment- donor Ivf,  hopefully next spring, and he suggested that I should start mentally preparing myself that we will only ever one child, saying that IVF may never work! I can't at this moment in time think about only having one child! I can mentally prepare myself for the treatment not working this time/next time but never, no, I can't lose hope, not yet anyway as  I think once I start mentally preparing myself then that's it, then I will be thinking of not having any more treatment! Am I right? Or should I be mentally preparing myself that it may never happen. It's really been playing on my mind and his words hurt me  Hope is the only thing that keeps me going and without that -I think I would fall apart   Xxx


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi twinkletoesb and welcome 

It's really hard to get a balance between being positive/maintaining hope and at the same time protecting yourself emotionally/mentally for possible further struggles ahead 

You'll find lots of lovely ladies on this board at various stages of their 'hoping for another miracle' journey who can completely understand how you are feeling 

I'm sure you've already found it, but there is also a separate board for secondary infertility that you may find useful in addition to this one :
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=44.0
I just wanted to say hi and to wish you lots of luck 

Angie x


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## bonniebelle (Dec 17, 2010)

Hi Twinkletoesb

I'm nearly at a 'snap' situation.  DS was born in 2012 and we're on our third cycle already trying for a sibling.  We're trying using what precious little eggs I have left.  Last cycle they said I had a reserve of 0.1, so it's not looking good.

Sad that DS won't have a sibling, we're even tossing around thoughts of adoption.  But maybe it's just the three of us?

Difficult times.  I've drawn a line and won't cross that (that is, we'll try this cycle and one more as it took four to get DS).  Perhaps knowing when you'll call it quits may assist you also

bonniebelle


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## L_ouise (Sep 23, 2010)

I prefer to go into treatment with my eyes wide open and that includes the possibility of it not working out how I want it to.

I want four children. My daughter loves other children. I love my own siblings so much. I want a million grandchildren.

It does make me sad to think that I might not have anymore but that might just be the way things are going to turn out. Acknowledging that has opened my mind to the possible benefits and how a single child might actually be a blessing and I notice them.

I think your husband could have made his comment a bit more sympathetic and positive but I'm sure that he is trying to minimise the impact on your family by taking away that devastation caused by shock outcomes xx


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## MiniM (Mar 8, 2014)

Twinkletoesb

I am in a pretty similar situation too. We conceived our son naturally and we are now struggling with a sibling and have been trying for 18 months. It feels like the more tests I have the more problems they find but trying to stay positive! My husband said something along the same lines to me that given the odds of ivf working (especially given my endo/adeno/high fsh) I should at least contemplate the idea of one child. He is happy to do ivf but equally would be happy with just our son whilst I am desperate for him to have a sibling. I think men generally like to be very realistic about the chances and are less emotionally involved in it. I'm not ready to think about just one yet but think after a couple more cycles I will begin to feel if it hasn't worked that there needs to be some limit to how long we try as the gap grows bigger, the chances of it working decrease and my emotional energy for it runs out. I think you will decide you are more ready to consider it with time.

The 'trying again' thread under hoping for another miracle is an active thread of ladies trying for siblings and it is nice to talk to people who have one but understand desperately wanting a second as there doesn't seem to be an active secondary infertility thread. 

x


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## twinkletoesb (Sep 20, 2013)

Thank you all for your helpful  comments.  I supose  i would have liked to hear a bit more positivity from him, he was just being realistic and telling me what I didn't want to hear. He did admit to me later that he really thought the IVF would have worked so I think he was feeling disappointed too.

I do know it may not work and we have a long way to go with treatment but  I think I will know when i'm approaching that stage as financially and emotionally we won't be able to take any more. We have said in the past we will do up to 3 cycles, that will take me up to the age of 40 and my daughter will be nearing on 6 so the gap will be much bigger.  my husband is similar to yours minim, he is happy with having just the one child, i wish i felt the same. How nice would it be to wake up one morning and think -I don't want any more children as Im more than happy with the one!

I will check out the threads thank you 

Bonniebell i hope your treatment is going well and I hope it all works out  

Many Thanks again xxx


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