# Worried about relationship with in-laws



## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

Hi all,

DH and I are just starting the adoption process and we had our first prep course last week, we came away feeling really positive.  We have our first home study visit next week and I am realy starting to panic about it.  The reason being that I have no relationship whats so ever with DH mum and 2 sisters.  For various reasons I haven't spoken to them for over 6 years.  DH still sees his mum about every 6 weeks (she lives 2 hours away).  Sees his sisters very rarely.

I have asked DH a few times if he has told his mum we are applying to adopt and he says he will tell her when he needs to!

I'm really worried that when the SW finds out about my complete lack of relationship with his family and that they don't even know we are going to adopt is really going to stop us from adopting.

I really don't think there is any chance of me having a relationship with his family and to be honest I don't want to and they defo don't want to with me. Last year when DH lost his father DH told me his family didn't want me at the funeral, in the end DH said I was going to support him and they would just have to lump it, but they then decided that the wake would be at MIL's house because then she had the right to say I wasn't welcome.  So DH didn't go either.

If we did adopt I woudln't have a problem with DH taking the children to see his MIL every now and again and DH agrees.

What do you think?  Please be honest do you think this will really go against us?

Thanks

Love Princess Monica


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## Guest (May 5, 2010)

If you have good reasons (which it sounds as though you do) it shouldn't be an issue - although it will be explored.  The fact that your DH still keeps contact even when his family refuse all contact with you will be seen as a positive.  

They will ask about your support network and that will be more important - that you have other friends and family that you can turn to for support when you need it.  

Bop


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## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

Thanks Bop i hope the SW can get some positives from it,  Fingers crossed!

We do have a very good realtionship with mym mum and dad and have good friends.


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Hi - I don't see SIL for various reasons she doesn't like me, when SS interviewed her I said she prob wouldn't say nice things about me, they still saw her, I have no idea what was said, but it never stopped us. I think SS know there are politics in every family.

Good Luck

Fiona


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## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

Hi Fiona,

Will SW want to interview DH's family?  THis hasn't been mentioned, we were asked to provide 3 peoples details for references we used my mum and 2 mutual close friends they have all provided written references and SW said they would be interviewed at a later date.  But they haven't said anything about interviewiung anyone else?

Thanks

Princess Monica


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

sometimes they decide if there are issues they will explore further, it all depends on your take on it all and whether she feels she needs the other side of it! Its part of their job to explore EVERYTHING!!   I dont think its going to stop you but be prepared to be able to talk out the whys and wheres of it all  

kj x


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hiya

i dont have a 'relationship' with my dad's wife.they have been together for about 25 years. when i mentioned to ss this wasnt a problem. explained that i had contact with my dad and half brother but she wasnt part of my family or life. i think that as long as u can show u have a good support network then it shouldnt make much difference.  our sw'er didnt speak to my dad or his wife if this helps any?

best of luck x x x


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## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

Thanks guys, guess I'm just going to have to wait and see, starting to get very nervous and anxious about it and its only the start of the journey, we've got a long way to go yet!

love Princess Monica


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## ❣Audrey (Aug 22, 2008)

I totally understand where you're coming from - I do agree that if you can make them see how you handle it in a positive way there wont be any issues with it xxx


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

hi my dh and I have not spoken to his parents or sister for a couple of years. They did not come to our wedding.

We were totally upfront about this and the situation was explored but definately understood by our sw. 

They understand that things happen and we can not always get along with everyone for a variety of reasons. All our sw wanted to know was how this may affect our children. For us we have decided that as long as his family are against me they will not see our children but I dont think there is a right or wrong but I would definately have a think about how you may answer that type of question.

We are near panel and the report is due to be wrote up and all our sw has wanted to do is a telephone interview with one of DH's uncles just to double check all the boxs are ticked for panel

I really wouldnt worry about this as we have not found it a problem in fact our sw said it showed that my dh would be able to empathise beter with children and there loss.

Hope all goes well


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## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

Hi,

well the visit is tomorrow so starting to get quite worried, have had another chat with DH tonight and we are just going to be honest but not go into loads of details until asked!

In the meantime I was hoping to chill out witrh some Eastenders but the flipping new prime minister is putting a stop to that!!!

Princess Monica


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## ❣Audrey (Aug 22, 2008)

How did your visit go chick?  Thinking of you xxx


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## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

Well after all that worry, she didn't ask us any questions about our family relationships, it was more of a general chat really, quite informal.  Still, i'm sure the questions will come soon enough!!  It was quite funny as before she arrived me and DH were pacing around the living room, mega nervous, you would have thought we were waiting to be executed the way we were carrying on!!!!


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## ❣Audrey (Aug 22, 2008)

awww so glad it went well! xxx


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

glad ur visit went well. x x x


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