# Anyone done a Temporary 'Foster to Adopt'?



## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

I got a call this morning from our SW's manager which was a little out of the blue (as our SW isn't in work until Wednesday), she said that our LO's SW had been in touch with her to explain that another LO has been given a court order to move into our LO's current FC placement!

She then said that as the FC's house was too small, one of the children needed to move out and it couldn't be the other child as they also have a court order to stay there.

So we were then given the option of Fostering to Adopt, and the financial/not working implications that entails (10 weeks before originally planned).  I had a few hours to contact DW to find out how many holidays she had left and to then workout if we could financially afford this option.

Well I've done the sums, and as long as our LO doesn't come before the 21st Nov we'll be able to afford the time off.

The adoption would go ahead as planned, with MP on 17th Dec and adoption leave starting at the end of December when the decision is ratified.


All of this is still just an option, and it might not come to this but it must be in the best interest of our LO to come to us than another FC for the 10 weeks between now and when Intros were meant to start?

We won't find out for a few more days what the decision is, but the SWs know not to leave us hanging with such an important decision.  They need to have a few meetings yet.

We are both in a bit of shock, smattered with confusion and no one to talk to about it/answer our questions just yet.
It's going to be fun trying to sleep tonight!

Paul x


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

What a difficult situation for you to be in. Crikey. Only you can make that sort of decision so I don't really know what any one else can add.

I don't know what I would do in your situation, but I do know what I would be considering. I absolutely hate the idea of fostering, because of the uncertainty, but it's just such a difficult situation all round. But I think, ignoring the financial implications, I would either need to make the decision to foster to adopt, or not go ahead with the placement at all. The complication of _another_ move 10 weeks before coming to you, and then having the introductions from a different carer who doesn't know her well, could have a massive impact on how well she settles with you and cause huge changes in the little girl I understand you've met previously at an adoption activity day. If you went ahead with fostering to adopt how would the hand over happen? Would you get the support of the current foster carer in moving her into your home like introductions? I think it's absolutely awful of Social Services to put you in this position by moving another child in to the placement now. It really does feel like they're pushing you into a very difficult situation which should be yours to take freely, not in a massively pressured way like this. Is there any possibility of simply complaining to them and saying this is not fair on this little girl, it massively complicates the situation for her, and they're shoving her around with no thought for her because they think they have a placement for her so they no longer need to worry about how another foster care move will look to a potential adopter. It makes me so incredibly angry when SS mess around with people's lives like this, I'm so sorry this is happening.

Will SS give you some financial support if you go ahead with the fostering to adopt plan? You should be asking them to!

I hope you find the best solution for you and this little girl.

All the best,

Wyxie xx


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

We've had all the same thoughts.

We want to make sure our LO has the best chance for a new future, we certainly don't want her to go with another FC for a short period, it would play havoc with intros and her emotions as you said.

Ideally they will find somewhere else for this child and LO will move in with us in January as originally planned.

Our main questions to the SWs are will this be detrimental to her? and will we still get some sort of introduction period with FCs?
We are going to need a handover period due to her age (she'll be 4 in March), it just wouldn't be fair otherwise.

We just feel a bit sad for her really.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Given that they have thrown this at you if you decide to go ahead with foster to adopt I would demand intros are still done properly and that the decision of matching panel is ratified by the decision maker the same day so adoption pay kicks in quicker.  Good luck whatever you decide x x


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

DIY Diva said:


> Given that they have thrown this at you if you decide to go ahead with foster to adopt I would demand intros are still done properly and that the decision of matching panel is ratified by the decision maker the same day so adoption pay kicks in quicker. Good luck whatever you decide x x


That's a great idea, thanks. We are still waiting on an outcome, but hopefully we should hear back tomorrow.


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Sounds like a right cock up  . Your poor little one being treated so badly  

I would ask to be paid the money for doing the 'job' of a foster carer for 10 weeks (if it comes to that).  It sounds like SS are looking out for the budget instead of putting your little girl first.  Don't feel bad about asking for this money as afterall if your daughter remains in her placement, then the existing Foster Carer is getting paid so why shouldn't you.  Just think of it as money that is owed to your family (you could even put the money in an account for her).

I hope the situation is resolved for you all soon  

X


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Couple of other things you could question.

1. It doesn't add up in my head that they need to move your daughter to another foster placement, in order to get another child in placement with her current carer.  Why can't the other child simply go to the carer they are planning to move your daughter to?  There could be a reason of course, location, age of children the respective foster carers will take etc, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

2. If they really do need to move her now, they should get you into the next panel and go right ahead with the intros.  Approvals are often (and rightly so IMO) bumped for matches if there's a pressing need to get a child placed quickly.  The initial reason for not going to panel until later on was because intros couldn't happen until January because they didn't want to move her before Christmas, that is no longer the case.  It means a bucket load of work for them that they probably haven't done yet, but why shouldn't you ask?

Failing that, yes, you should be paid as a foster carer in the meantime and intros really do need to go ahead properly.

Good luck, I hope you find out what's happening soon. 

Wyxie xx


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

gosh, i have no advice other than to back up the good advice you've already been given. but how bloody typical of SS. there was no way your daughter could be placed before Xmas, it would be way too disruptive. until it suits them.


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## Pumpkin mummy (Nov 2, 2013)

Hi

What a situation, feel for you both.

I just wanted to back up what DIY Diva said, we were linked to our LO with 8 weeks to go to matching panel, anyhow for various reasons this was all pulled dramatically forward and we had matching panel and final decision maker the same day, and introductions the next day.

So yes they can do matching panel and ratification the same day, make sure you push for it. 

All the best for exciting times! Xx


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi, just to echo PM, we also had 2 days from match, ratified and intros so it can be done with the right legwork being done by the agency. Good luck. X


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

We understand why our LO is being kicked out.

Strangely her FCs moved out of the area but are still with that LA as they preferred them to their new one - which means they are perfectly placed for LOs with security risks - and obviously cheaper for that LA to place them there than send them out to another LA.

I think you're all right, we need some sort of intro period for us to do this.

Financially we are OK, the DW has enough leave to see us through from 21st November until January, and we can afford it if I take a few weeks unpaid leave and join her for the same period.

The next panel are fully booked, but our SW's manager suggested why can't they do a special one and bring everything forward, either way the Intros are the main focus for us now.

We just want her (and us) to have the best start we can.

Thank you all again, it's been a very stressfull and trying few days.  This has been harder than anything we have done before, and the lack of sleep has been tough.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Your agencies manager is right additional panels can be called in exceptional circumstances.  I think it's the best idea. It would seem the placing agency are being a little naughty.  Didn't think of that x x


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## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

Hi Pauliboo - sending you and your DW big   to get this sorted and you you have a really good start to family life.

We are due to go to approval panel in December but our SW said last week we could get 'bumped off til January' if they need room for Matching panels. Whilst I would be very disappointed having to wait an extra month, I really wouldn't mind and would certainly happily give my space up for you or someone in a similar situation. Perhaps it's worth checking with your SW if they can do that in your LA? Your does seem exceptional circumstances and getting your little girl home in the best way to start to build a new live has to be the priority for everyone.


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Thanks for all your great and thoughtful replies.

We finally heard news from our SW at 4:45 this afternoon, it seems that our LO's LA have come to their senses and are moving the other child to another LA and leaving our LO where she is!  

It's all now reverted to the original plan, MP in December with Intros starting early January.

All I can say is thank goodness for that!  At least now we can get some sleep.

One little bugbear though, I sent LO's SWs an email at 4:15 asking what is happening and she replied at 4:50 saying that she had spoken to our SW earlier this afternoon, so it's taken 2-3hrs for the message to be passed on to us.  Absolutely typical of our SW, especially as she would have known how stressed we would've been feeling, she was only on the phone to me for 3mins!


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

What a relief, I'm so glad things are back on track.

Enjoy your last Christmas with just the two of you!


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

my friend got adoption allowance is that an option they could give you? Or as someone else suggested foster care payment, as you have budgeted differently but this is in the best interests of the child adn they would have to pay another foster carer


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