# Has anyone ever experienced this at all!!!!!!!!!



## ma1978 (May 30, 2009)

Hi guys have anyone ever had this we were approved in November and in December we were linked to a little one. We go to matching panel in January so so excited but the other day I went onto ******** and put in little ones parents name and when I looked a while ago there was nothing but not birth father has done a account and has little ones pic on his profile.has anyone ever experienced this.


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Ma thankfully that hasn't happened to me but it has def happened to others on here. I'm sure someone will be along soon with their own experiences and suggestions. What I would say though is be very careful when searching as your name can come up as a suggested friend. Some people have set up pretend accounts to safely search birth family etc


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

I have done ad flash said and have a made up ** account, I periodically check varies bF accounts. We did have an incident when our son was 1st placed with us where BM posted all the photos that had been taken whilst he was in FC on her page, SS in the wisdom had given her copies of all that he was in including other Children in the Foster placement plus FC family, we did bring it to the attention of his SW who did talk to BM, she then tightened her security so I cannot now see any if her posts. I have also seen posts she had done in groups using details we have put in our LB trying to find us, luckily I have always been extremely careful with nothing identifiable in them.

Because of BM posting photos on ** we refused to include photos in LB, something I am glad as people have been using photos on ** to look for adopted children by claiming they have gone missing hence why I never repost any missing persons on there.


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

I found BM on ******** before we went to MP.

She has only put pictures of her and LO when LO was about 18 months old, and so nothing too identifiable so I'm not too concerned.  The pictures are hidden in her 'albums' and she isn't asking people to find LO, whch is a good sign, if it changes then I might think to say something to SWs.

Can I just make it clear that you will not become a 'suggested friend' by looking at someone's profile, you would have to be friends with one of her friends (or you share friends) for that to happen.

You really must lock-down your own ** page though, remove all "friends" who you don't want (or they don't need) to know about the adoption.  Also change your profile picture to something that isn't a pic of yourself, and make sure that you never post pictures of LO on **.

After all that, everything should be fine.


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## ma1978 (May 30, 2009)

thank you all so much for your advice and thank you paul was abit worried about being a suggested friend on ******** i have changed my profile pic now thanks as never thought about that.


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

On the posting pics, we do, but I do have my page with as tight security as possible, I know who can see my pictures, we are a long distance placement to. Other people know that they cannot post pictures of our son. I have a very wide circle of adoptive parents that I am friends with and we all put pictures up. It really is a personal thing as to wether you want to or not, for me it is a way of keeping touch with friends and family and I want to share my beautiful boy with them.


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

Just thought that I would add that I also have a false name on my personal ** account, I do use my own photo at the moment as none of the birth family know what we look like, we are supposed to be meeting BM of our new daughter, if we do then I will not use my photo. I do occasional use a pic of my boy, but never face on so that he is recognisable, but then again I some of my adoptive friends do, so again it's a personal choice and only you can assess the risk.


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

As long as you know who all your friends are you should be fine.
I managed to trim my list down from 142 to 65!

We also have a ******** 'Group' which is locked down to people either my wife or I invite, we have shared our journey on there and only that group know her real name, in our normal ******** people know we are adopting a 3yr old girl (about as much as I have revealed on here), and that's all.

We have a second group on Google+ (as not all our family use **) which has a private album shared only with a private circle of mainly family, this has all the photos/videos we have and is secure.

So, to roundup we use Google+ to share pictures/videos and ******** to share words.

We may lift some of the security blanket when we receive the AO, but I'm not prepared to jeopardise anything until then.

Hope that helps.

EDIT: I just want to add that this might just be us being overcautious/OTT/overprotective, but it's our own individual choice what we do and I'm sure you'll be fine doing as others have.

I don't think there is a correct answer out there, just do whatever you think is best for the situation you are in


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

It is totally individual but I would add of you read the small print face book actually owns any items you post on there so had the right to do with them anything they wish. I assume this is in place so if anyone sees or accesses stuff you can't complain as ** have the right to replicate it etc at any time.  Also anything you put on the Internet is available to any one with enough knowledge even if you delete it there is still a virtual footprint left that those who understand can use. For those reasons I won't be putting photos on personally.  I understand they are very small paranoid risks but for my piece of mind they're too big to bother.  I also don't use my real name don't have pics of me as profile pic and have few friends.  My logic people who really matter will see lo in person.  However I know people who do share photos and are happy so I'm not criticising just making aware. I have had a number of ** training courses in my job as I deal with child protection a lot and that's where my personal stance comes from.


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

I agree completely diva. I know it's a personal thing and I would never criticise anyone who chooses to share pics and info but I think you can't be too careful and there have been far too many lapses in Internet security - no matter how safe and cautious you are. My best friend is very high up in The police and she specialises in child protection cases. Aswell as my job it was her that opened my eyes to what people can access in a range of places, not just **. If people want to find you they can. I never post pics or info about me and my children would and will never be on there - adopted or not. But that's just me, everyone Is different and no-one is wrong.


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Flash/Diva - glad it's not just me then that has these views. I have various friends in police force and just too much that can be obtained without you knowing. I'm just as wary of myself and DH and even the dog! 
X


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## Dreams do come true (Jan 4, 2012)

I did this, still check with a FAKE name on ** incase you press like or add as friend by mistake.

my LOs had accounts, full of messages from each no and each had about 500 pics on including contact, I immediately told our sw and said it just came up in a google search (white lie)....bps were til to remove the accounts am ALL photos or there woul be no letterbox - all ** content was removed, and it has now been decided no photos to avoid temptation.

X


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

Daddyboo - That is what we did with our son, we didnt post anything to start with but as time goes on you get to know and get a feeling for what you can and cannot do.

With our daughter we will have to be a lot more careful as she has family members who live in the same area that I was born, even thought it is a long distance from both where we are now and where she is in FC, I still have a lot of family living in that area who are friends on **, so we will be playing it very differently with her, I like your closed ** group invited people, think I shall do this myself.

One more point on ** my son is getting to the age now that he is well aware of **, a lot of his friends at school are starting to get accounts and periodically he will ask if he can have one. I am glad that we have always talked to him about ** and the dangers for Adopted Children being traced by BF member's and the trouble it can cause, we have always said to him that when we feel he is old enough to manage the account himself he can have one and also that if he wants to meet BF members when he is older we will help him do so in a safe way.We just hope that this will take out the temptation for him to do it himself when he's older. He does say if he gets an account i can do it with him so I know what he does on it so we must be getting through.


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Aww Miny Moo - sounds like you have a very clever boy who trusts his mummy :-D


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

There's a really good book on the subject called "Facing Up To ********" from BAAF http://www.baaf.org.uk/bookshop/facing-********

Also there is a booklet aimed at teenagers to tell them about the dangers of Social Networking and also how to tell their parents if anything does happen http://www.baaf.org.uk/bookshop/social-networking-and-you

I got both a few months ago but didn't realise the booklet was for Teenagers, the 1st book above has just been updated to include ********'s new photo privacy policies.


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