# Envy - How do you cope?!



## Hopeful3429 (Oct 11, 2014)

Somehow, in the last several months it seems that everyone that I know has announced their pregnancy. A few people at work, friends and family etc it's as though I can't escape from it. More recently my brother in law and his wife had their baby 2 weeks ago and bought her to visit us 48 hours after she was born. Whilst it is wonderful to meet such an amazing, precious little human being I was filled with sadness. What made it worse was that I was left with her for a little while alone and I think I just stared at her the whole time. It's so overwhelming to see a newborn anyway but when I have been TTC for this long my heart just feels empty. I know how much my husbands family want us to get a BFP as well and this constantly makes me feel like I am failing, even more so when I have a new born paraded in my face. I've even found myself and only to myself critiscising how they have gone about things such as drinking etc. My husband doesn't understand why I feel like this andactually thinks my feelings are quite selfish. It's so hard to want something so bad and feel like I am never going to get there.


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## Lilly83 (Jan 19, 2012)

I so know how you feel, I feel all those things too, my DP has a child with a woman 16 years older than me who apparently caught first time, one thing I have to keep saying to myself everytime a pg announcement happens is 'Thank god there's one less woman feeling the heartbreak of infertility' 

I feel for you I really do xx


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## LuluLimon (Jan 17, 2014)

Hopeful- just wanted to say those feelings are normal for those of us whjove experienced infertility. You arent being selfish, its just how you feel and you can't help that. The best thing to try and do is to allow yourself those thoughts and feelings for a set time each day but don't let their negativity impact on you and your road through this. Its horrible to feel like a failure each month and I also get the annoyance when other people drink, do drugs and magically conceive on their first month trying. Try to remove yourself from situations which make you feel worse too. Try and explain to DH that its not that you're not happy for people, it just reminds you of something you desperately want and that is hard to deal with.

Never say never, little miracles can and do happen xx


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## danceintherain (Apr 16, 2013)

Hopeful - it's very normal to have negative and even resentful feelings with infertility, it's far more unhealthy to suppress them or deny them. I'm sorry your husband cant really relate on this particular issue. Maybe there are some magnanimous infertile women who are genuinely and unreservedly happy at every birth announcement and baby shower invitation. I doubt it though. Our feelings our more complicated than that, and that's ok. Xx


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## Hopeful3429 (Oct 11, 2014)

Thanks so much for your replies. Means a lot! I just pray that one day... I can put these feelings behind me.


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## Pollybear1 (Sep 5, 2014)

Try not to beat yourself up for feeling like this,  I think all of us who are struggling with infertility can relate to this. In the last six months seven people at work have had babies. My best friend had a baby last week and my sister has just announced her third pregnancy. I can't even remember how many times I have cried about all of these things,  I think we are pleased at some level for other people but we are sad for us and what we are struggling to achieve. Hope you feel better because you are definitely not alone here 
 xx


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## HazelW (Mar 6, 2009)

It might sound a bit wooly and wishy-washy, but I believe that we who go through all these stupid fertility issues are the lucky ones. Nobody will ever love their babies as much as we love ours, when they eventually come. We love them a tiny bit more than the fertile women of the world, because we wanted them so badly and worked so hard to get them.

It doesn't make it easier when the world and her husband are popping them out without a care though!


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## Guest (Nov 21, 2014)

What lovely people you are here   It's so nice to read this kindness and sisterly support. I feel for you as well Hopeful, sending you wishes for much happiness ahead!   You don't sound selfish to me. My manager told me another colleague is pregnant today, about my age so now I'm almost the only childless woman in my team, and found it hard today too   I've visited my mum and been cuddling her new puppy today! Stay strong, your little miracle will turn up!   xxx


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## Musicwife (Nov 20, 2014)

I know exactly how you feel too. My sister in law and I started trying at roughly the  same time. She caught first month and now my beautiful niece is now toddling around! My best friend is 8 months gone after a 'mistake' with her new partner and another friend of mine is preggers with baby 2 and can pinpoint the day she conceived! 

It always seems so easy for everyone else, but you know what, I think when it happens it will make you an extra special mummy. There are so many lovely ladies on here who are so supportive of one another that I can only imagine how lucky those little ones will be when they are born. They will be so loved cherished.  

In the mean time, spend a few minutes at the end of each day thinking about all, the lovely things in your life. This helps me! I am so thankful for my wonderful DH, my lovely home and how much I love my job.  

Keep strong, keep loving life so there are lots of fun stories to tell your little one when they arrive and lots and lots of baby dust to you all 

Xx


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