# Moving on chit chat



## Jambo (Nov 6, 2004)

Hi folks

I recently completed my 7th and final IVF cycle which resulted in a negative result.  All but the 5th cycle have been resounding negatives.  My levles were 46 on the 5th and got up as far as 600 and odds but then started going down again.  We went into this cycle having made the decision that it would be our last and have decided to "move on"

I post regularly on a couple of threads but came looking here when we got our negative result and as far as I can see there is no regular place for folk just to keep up with each other and see how folk are getting on.  I'm not really posting on the Edinburgh thread any more as most people are in treatment so wondered if perhaps it might be something you might be interested in?

Jayne


----------



## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Welcome Jayne,

You've come to the right place for support when you have reached the end of the treatment line. If you stick around I think you will find that this is a really friendly board, with lots of good people who have been through just what you are facing right now. Of course we all react differently, but we have lots in common too.

Sometimes people come for advice or support, sometimes we have a rant or a laugh. Some people have only recently finished with treatment, and some have been around much longer, just keeping up with each other and finding out how the friends made here are doing.

I guess it is with a lot of sadness that most people arrive here, but it is a relief to find people who really understand. I hope you will stay in touch and let us know how you are.

Meanwhile, look after yourself, you deserve to treat youself with kindness.

Jq xxx


----------



## Eilidh M (Feb 20, 2005)

Dear Jambo

You are very welcome here.  I can't begin to imagine how it must feel to to have had 7 unsuccesful attempts at IVF and I wish you all the best as you now "move on".  I lurk here often, having abandoned hope of successful treatment 4 years ago.

I'm also from your area - Edinburgh - but I have to confess I'm not a Jambo 

Please keep in touch....I have found this particular board to be invaluable as we go through the various ups and downs of moving on.

Lots of Love and a big warm welcome from Eilidh
xxxx


----------



## Jambo (Nov 6, 2004)

Thanks Guys

Eilidh, your post made me laugh     I guess you're a hibbie then     If you don't mind me asking, did you have treatment at the RIE? and jq...what about you?  Have you had IVF?

Anyway, it's nice to chat to other folk in the same situation  

Jayne


----------



## Eilidh M (Feb 20, 2005)

Hi Jambo

We did go for investigations at the old RIE and then the new hospital at Little France.  We were diagnosed as "unexplained" and spent many years hoping it would happen naturally but it never did!  By the time we did decide to go for IVF we were given a very low chance of success due to my high FSH and so in the end we decided against the treatment option.    To this day I don't know if we did the right thing or not....I think several "friends" thought we couldn't really be very desperate for a baby if we weren't prepared to try IVF.

It must have been incredibly traumatic to go through 7 unsuccessful attempts.  Were you told why the treatment was unsuccessful?

I do hope you continue posting here........I've found it hugely helpful to know that the ladies on this board really do understand.

Lots of Love

Eilidh

P.S. I grew up with a Hibs mad dad and brother so haven't had much choice in my allegiance!


----------



## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Jayne,

Glad you found us! I'm afraid the Scotts jokes pass me by! What is a Jambo? My Nana was from Edinburgh, but I don't know what you and E are talking about!

Like you, I had 7 disapointments, 6 miscarriages from natural pregnancies and a 7th after IVF. Had 4 IVF goes in all. So I do understand what you have been going through. But all a long time ago for me now, I am one of the oldies who sticks around to keep in touch with friends made on this board. I guess the main message I would give to you is that life can feel good again, just as long as you give it time and are nurturing of yourself and your relationship. This board is a great support to do just that!

Take care and keep in touch,

Love Jq xxx


----------



## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

Hello Jayne

I like the idea of a general chat thread ... much easier to keep track of ...

... and you already know all about me   , so no need to introduce myself!

Jx


----------



## Jambo (Nov 6, 2004)

Hi guys

Eilidh, I'm sorry you spent so long trying without success.  I think hoping every month must have been very difficult.  For me at least I only got hopeful 7 times in the past 5 years.  In August 2002 I had a laparotomy to have a cyst removed and ended having a tube and an ovary removed.  The other tube was filled with fluid so would never transport an egg and the ovary was stuck down and distorted but still working.  We were referred to Dr Thong immediately.  After a year we were lucky enough to have our first (of three) NHS cycles.  Since then, I've had my other tube removed by laparoscopy and also a hysteroscopy, both to help my chances.  We've always got to embryo transfer despite only having one wee ovary but it's just not worked.  The good thing is that I have been studying for four of the five years that we've been trying so I don't feel like I've wasted 5 years of my life on something that didn't happen.  My final dissertation rewrites are due in next Friday and HOPEFULLY I will then have a Masters in Adolescent Addiction Studies    Anyway, My husband is a season ticket holder at Tyncastle which is what got me interested although I never go to the football with him.  I always go with girls    we do meet the boys in the pub before and after but sit in our own seats.  We sit in the cheap seats in the old main stand!

Jq, I'm a Jambo because my football team are called Hearts and their nickname is the Jam tarts    I'm sorry to hear that you have had the trauma of so many miscarriages.  To think you had achieved your goal only for it to be snatched away must be unbearable   I think it's great that you've "stuck around".  Since finding this place I wonder what I would do if I didn't have some folk to check on and catch up with.  

Joanne, great to see you here on the "family of two" thread    Hope you're as busy as ever...I know I'm running circles around myself at the moment    My final rewrites are due in next Friday and I have a few changes to make and then I STILL have to cut the thing by 3000 words    I'm trying to catch as much of the football as possible and I also have a student at work at the moment.  No matter.  I'll get there in the end.  How's the weight loss going?  How often do you change your ticker?  I know it's bad but I weigh myself every day and have lost weight but then I usually put most of it back on at the weekend so was think just of taking my Monday weight for my ticker  

Anyway, better get ready for work.  

Jayne


----------



## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

Hello

Well best of luck with that.  I had the same issue with every dissertation I wrote I think, but one of my lecturers gave me a good tip: don't try and find 3000 words to cut, just go through each sentence and try and cut at least one word out - you'll have got it to the right length without losing any of the substance in no time, plus it may have even improved your 'style' by making it more 'pithy' (I know it did mine as I tend to ramble ... as I'm sure you've noticed!)

Have you plans to celebrate?

Jx


----------



## Jambo (Nov 6, 2004)

Hi guys

Pol, I'm in work working on my essay now.  I've made all the changes required and am now just reading it and cutting it back.  I'm taking your advice and just reading the whole thing and trying to cut a little bit out of each page and hopefully it will be fine.  I hope you enjoy the wedding today.  

I just popped in to say I have a lovely day ahead planned.  I was in work at 8am to work on my essay.  I'm meeting Stuart and we're heading out for a Mexican for lunch then we're off to see Indiana Jones at the pics.  Back home for the Holland Russia game.  It really is a perfect day for me and one that would be impossible with children so there really are benefits to be had...well except the hangover that goes with it  

Hope everyone else is doing something nice

Jayne


----------



## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Jambo and Pol,

What a good idea just to chat! I have got a really good idea from Pol as a result about how to edit my work! Thanks huns!

Jq xxx


----------



## Jambo (Nov 6, 2004)

Hi girls

Jq, it's amazing what info/good advice you can get on here  

Pol, I had 2800 to cut of which I managed 2500ish but then found out that tables don't count and I'd moved quite a bit of my literature search into tables so it came out at 18223 and it was to be between 15000 and 20000 so perfect!!!!  I posted it yesterday and am delighted    I was at my niece's 18th on Thursday and got upset.  My sister-in-law works in the IVF department as a secretary.  She told me that the consultant phoned her and asked to see her in his room.  When she went through, he just said he was very very sorry that he hadn't been able to help us (he knew that this was going to be our last cycle).  She was also having such a lovely time with her family and was upset as obviously Stuart and I will never get the chance to have it so she got upset, then her daughter got upset, then me and eventually Stuart's other sister.    I think all that cava and cocktails may have had something to do with it but hey, if you're not allowe to get just a little upset now and again after 7 IVF's then I'm not sure when you are  

Today, I'm delivering communion cards this morning around my district which isn't very close to where I live now but near my old house.  I'm having lunch with a friend up town  and then down to another friend as it's her and her husband's birthdays this weekend.  Am really looking forward to the European final tomorrow night too.  I also have to make some cheese scones this weekend and freeze them as my friend is back to work tomorrow and they are her favourite.  

Anyway, I hope you are all doing okay too

Jayne


----------



## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

Hello ladies!

Glad my tip was useful!   and massive CONGRATULATIONS Jambo on finally getting it posted off!  

Sounds like you had a rather 'therapeutic' time with your sisters and niece, and I suspect you all needed it!  As you say, after 7 IVFs you certainly deserve to be allowed to have a good cry sometimes, even if it is partially alchohol induced!

I've just got back from the ISle of Man - was there for a conference with the MS Society (I volunteer with them).  There was a big dinner on the Friday night and then the conference on the Saturday.  It seemed to go really well, and there was some great feedback from people who had never really had a chance to speak with other people facing the same sort of challenges, and also we had some excelletn speakers from the medical profession, counselling etc which seemed to really go down well.  I spent the whole afternoon ferrying people from the main conference area to the rooms where we were offering trial sessions in various complementary therapies - the Indian Head Massage was apparently particularly good (not for MS, obviously, but for making you feel better and more able to cope!).  And we made £4000 through sponsorship and the raffle at the dinner so that was great!

Today was a bit tedious as our flight was in the middle of the day but then we were delayed by hours so lots of waiting around, and now I'm home I'm finding it rather hard to settle to anything, but I'm sure I'll get back into the swing soon.  I've had slightly too much travelling recently I think, and this week's not going to be much better as I have to be in London on Tuesday, DH is going down Wednesday - Friday and then I have to be down on Friday too.  I'm thinking of trying to change my ticket to go down on Thursday evening so at least we are in the same place on Thursday night!

Hope you had a good time with your various friends, Jayne, and hope everyone else had a good weekend too!

Jx


----------



## Jambo (Nov 6, 2004)

Hi guys

sorry I've not been around recently.  You know what it's like - I'm on briefly every day to catch up with folks news but never seem to have time to post much.  I've been in work early every day his week to build up my flexi and also get on with some work as I have a student working with me at the moment and teaching takes up a lot of time.  I've also been out most nights as it took AGES to go through this last IVF cycle then I had my dissertation to do so I've been out of action for some time and now all of my friends want to meet up, which is great but we're not meeting up for a coffee...so my liver is working extra time    

Anyway, how is everyone else getting on?  What have folk been up to?

I'd better go and tidy the house for Stuart's folks coming round and then I also have to make a fish pie and lime cheesecake for us all for tonight so better get moving!  

Jayne


----------



## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Can I have a piece of lime cheesecake please? Sounds yummy!  

xxx


----------



## Jambo (Nov 6, 2004)

It really is the EASIEST recipe ever!

crush a pack of ginger nuts (200g) and mix with 2oz of butter and squash in a tin

mix a 500g tub of marscapone with 1 and a half oz of icing sugar and the juice and zest of two limes ans spread on the top of the base......

easy but one of the most delicous desserts ever  

Jayne

just off to buy the ingredients now...


----------



## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi girls,

My news is i a new post. Having a bit of a tough time at work, as Emcee seems to be too. I do j=have a get out plan, but it involves selling my house and that just isn't happening!

Must try that cheesecake!

Jq xxx


----------



## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

OoOoOoOoh! Sounds even more delish now!  
I'll have to wait till I get back from me hols to try some - my news is that we are off on our travels on Wednesday. Can't wait - we both desperately need the break!
xxx


----------



## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

My news is I did lots of shopping on Monday and bought some nice smart work clothes, so now I feel much more ready to cope - funny how having the right 'costume' can make so much difference!

Jx


----------



## Jambo (Nov 6, 2004)

Hi Guys

Pol, it's great when you have money AND you actually find things you like.  Bullseye!  What kind of stuff do you wear to work?  I wear jeans everyday but am thinking if my banding appeal is successfull, maybe I should wear something smarter to work.  

Jq, if you don't mind me asking what is it that you do for a living?  I always say that you're at work half of your waking life so you may as well do something that you like.  I hope that an option becomes available to you or that you manage to sell your house if that's what it takes  

Emcee, oops, missed you before you went your hols....I hope you're having a wonderful time.  You'll read this when you get back probably so...sis you have a nice time? and where were you?  

I spilt a whole cup of hot water down myself today!  It definitely looked like I'd peed myself.  I had to take my jeans off and sit in the meeting with my jacket wrapped around me whilst the wee fan heater dried my jeans...butterfingers 

Better go and put tea on.  

take care

Jayne


----------



## Jambo (Nov 6, 2004)

Hi guys

just popped on to let yous know what I've been up to....

I am now no longer a jack of all trades, but a master a one!    I've been working on a masters degree for the past 4 years part time and I received my final mark on Thursday saying I'd passed.  I'm absolutely delighted, not least as I've had 7 IVF cycles over the same period of time as studying and so at least i have something to show for this period of time in my life.  

Better go, running late for the early service at church...

Jayne


----------



## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Well done hon, that is a fantastic acheivement!
Massive  
Emcee xxx


----------



## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Jayne,

Sorry I overlooked your question about my job. It's not what I do for a living that is the problem, it's where I'm doing it now and the boss I have the misfortune to work with. I'm in adult eduction and there are only 4 or 5 organisations within commutable distance which is why it is hard to change jobs - it's a case of waiting for a vacancy in your specialist areas and hoping you get picked. A lot of the management jobs (which is my level) go to internal candidates anyway.

Watch out for a post as I am making a decision about whether to resign next week or to hang on for a couple of months! I may even get made redundant which would be a bonus!

Thanks for asking,

Jq xxx


----------



## Jambo (Nov 6, 2004)

Hi Jq

it's difficult if you have a job you enjoy but colleagues or a boss whom you don't.  I was at the end of my tether on Thursday with my colleagues and was looking at other jobs but apparently everyone was feeling like that on Thursday.  It was the weather and time of year.  That isn't the case for you so i hope that you manage to get something sorted out that suits you both work wise and homelife wise.  Let us know what happens and good luck

For me...I've got nothing on this weekend...very skint - get paid on Thursay although I've got a wedding evening reception tomorrow but don't think I'll be staying too long as it's a Sunday night. 

Jayne


----------



## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Jayne,

Hope you enjoyed the reception and work is more bearable next week. (It's supposed to be cooler smaybe people will feel less fraught!!!)

I'll post soon about how things pan out workwise.

Love Jq xxx


----------



## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Hi guys i was just wondering if i could join you? I'm new to this board.....

I have been reading through some of your posts and you all seem so supportive and give each other hope...can you take me under your wing too?  

A bit about me....

I am 28, i was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure (POF or early menopause) when i was 26 although it is suspected that i went through it at the age of 17 but it wasn't picked up. I was diagnosed shortly after getting married and the news totally devastated us! It has taken us this long to start to accept our situation and begin to move on. DH has been an absolute rock throughout our journey although we have had some tough patches....to be expected i think!

We had a cycle of donor egg IVF in Oct last year but sadly it was a BFN. Following this we looked into adoption but then decided to take a break from 'baby making' to save our relationship and decide if it was right for us. You know how this whole process can get you down. 

So we have now been licking our wounds for a few months and have decided not to pursue treatment again (but never say never!) and we have decided that adoption may be something we will go ahead with in the future but not now. We feel a lot stronger as a couple...if we can survive this we can survive anything.

So i am off to Uni in September and it is the start of a new hopefully more positive and successful journey  I am really nervous as it is a BIG life change but i think it will be good to have a positive focus in my life. And it will give DH and i an opportunity to get back to being 'us'.

I am also trying to sort out my health....the POF diagnosis brings its own problems and it means i need to be on HRT long term in order to stay healthy. Finding the right combination of HRT has been a real struggle and DH has had a lot to put up with....some of the meds have mad me a bit crazy lol   

On Saturday i have a real challenge ahead....we are going to a wedding where the bride has just had a baby.....i just can't help feeling jealous which i hate   and i just know EVERYONE will be asking us when are we having children??!! AARGH!

Anyway enough about me  

I hope you are all well and i look forward to chatting to you all soon

Florie x x


----------



## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Florrie,

Congratulations for getting into university! What are you going to study? It's great to hear from people making big and brave decisions.

Good luck with the wedding. It's difficult to know what to say when asked the "when are you going to have children" question isn't it? Now I'm too old for that, but there is no final escape - new people ask whether I have any, and I am anticipating the same about grandchildren!!!! Now I tend to just say "No"  or if something more seems required I tend to say "We were unlucky and couldn't have chldren." Most people drop it, but some brazenly nosey so and sos ask me why I didn't adopt and even tell me it's not too late to foster older children, as though I'm too thick to have explored my options long ago!

Apart from those times, it is quite easy to say that now I am older, but it is much harder when you still look young enough to conceive as people often start giving a lot of unwelcome and ill-informed advice! Maybe you could say something like "That's a difficult topic for us. Have you been on holiday yet this year?" Only an idiot won't start discussing the package tour, camping trip or planned adventure with relief that you aren't going into any embarassing details! And if they are rude enough not to take the hint it wouldn't be rude to say "I do not want to discuss this, thank you."

Let us know how you get on.

Jq xx


----------



## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

LOL thanks Jq but i'm not sure i'm that brave  but will give it a go. I was reading some of the old posts on this thread and i saw someone else had been in a similar situation....i saw a good tip, which was to have a 'signal' with DH so he knows when i need rescuing from a conversation. I will probably be making several sharp exits to the loo's too 

I am going to study nursing, i have always worked in care work so it seems a natural progression  I am really looking forward to it.

I have never really thought about the grandchildren issue....but it makes me realise that it will never fully 'go away' and there will always be a part of me that will feel the pain for our losses. It also made me think that my parents probably get asked if they have grandchildren  Infertility affects the whole family.

I thought i would post this link.......its from 'Infertility network uk' and in joint partnership with the 'woodland trust' you can buy a tree and dedicate it to your losses or your future plans to be planted in the 'fertility forerst'. DH and i thought it was a lovely idea so we just bought a tree  (it is £25) http://www.woodlandtrustshop.com/inuk

Florie x


----------



## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi again Florie,

Yes, the signalling idea is a good one. I think that is what i used to do before I got so fed up og it I took the plunge and said those things! Made it easier in the end as people learn toshut up!

I had never heard about the tree planting - it is a great idea and I think I will follow it up, thanks.

We have in common that I am stsarting a new career too, am starting counselling training next term.

love Jq xx


----------



## Jambo (Nov 6, 2004)

Hi Guys

Florie great to hear from you and glad you found us but sorry that you are having to post on this thread  

I think we all react and deal with things differently.  I'd never tried for kids despite being married for 14 years at that time (five years ago) but then had a cyst (includeing a tube and ovary) removed and was told the pther tube was blocked so couldn't have kids naturally.  That made us immediately want to try so we have had 7 full IVF cycles.  We's always had 2 embryos transferred (except one, where we only had one) but no luck.  Most of the time I feel okay about this but sometimes, I just feel really really sad that there will never be a wee me or Stuart running around which is sad as we've been together fpr twenty years and it would be lovely to "create" something from a happy marriage...anyway...

It's great to hear that you are both starting studying, because I've just finished.  Yippee!!  I'm a nurse Florie but am a mental health nurse.  I completed the diploma course in 1996 and then went on to do the degree top up by 2993 and have spent the last four years of my life completeing a Masters in Adolescent Addiction.  I only received my final results last week so am very pleased.  Good luck with your course.  I LOVE nursing as it opens up so many oportunities.  What branch of nursing are you going into?

Jq, what counselling course are you doing?  I also did the COSCA certificate in counselling which was a real help in my self development and self awareness.  I use a lot of motivational interviewing in my job as I work with young people with substance use problems.  

Anyway, I'd better get going as I have to go to said work, it pays the very large bills  

Take care

Jayne


----------



## florie (Nov 28, 2006)

Thanks guys for you very warm welcome  

Jq - Good luck with your training, i'm sure you will do really well. Going through all these problems certainly makes us understanding people   I'm sure you will have a lot to offer your clients. Glad you found the 'tree link' useful.

Jayne - sorry to hear your sad journey with IVF   you are so strong going through it 7 times. I feel just the same about not having a 'mini me' or DH....it makes me very sad too   i used to cry and cry about it but the fact i haven't for a while shows i am coming to terms with things. I will throw myself into nursing and hope it proves to be a positive distraction. 
I am going into adult nursing....like you i have previously worked with teenagers and have also worked with younger children with disabilities so i really wanted a complete change. Should be fun! CONGRATULATIONS on passing your masters! Sounds like you have been working v hard over the years   Your job sounds really interesting.

It is great to speak to like minded people in a similar situation..... it can be v isolating sometimes when people don't understand how you feel sometimes. Do you guys ever meet up?

Florie x


----------

