# Coping with Christmas 2012



## Debs

​
For some of us Christmas can be one of the hardest times of the year.

Dreams of what could be and what should have been seem even harder than usual.

We dont have a magic wand on FF but we do have each other 

If you are struggling, then share it with your friends on here and between us all we can help each other along.
*
Remember:*

* You dont have to do anything you dont want to do (its your Christmas too)

* Make time for you and your other half to do something nice and spoil each other (not necessarily £wise but just some extra you time)

* If you need to buy presents for children ...... do it online or buy vouchers 

* Tell people that you are struggling - most of them will understand (although we all know there are some that wont  but you just have to shout louder to them!)

* Gatherings including children - again you dont have to go  but if you do feel you have to go, then show your face for as long as you can deal with and make your exit.

* Remember it wont always be like this  For some of you, you will get your dream one day  For some of us though we wont  but you will gain strength and find ways to move forward with your lives one way or another (and I do say this from experience and you are more than welcome to join us on the moving on board for tips on doing this).

The Team here at FF hope with all their hearts that you all will have a good Christmas one way or another ........ but remember we are here if you need us.

Love

Debs xxx


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## Debs

For anyone trying to find the Christmas thread from 2011 then please read the last page of your old thread for your redirection link  

Love

Debs xxx


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## Nosilab

Oh Debs, that brought a tear to my eye, what a really lovely post and such comforting and reassuring words.  Thank you  

So am I the first one here on the 2012 thread??  It's a bit quiet in here, anyone else around?  

Yep, I'm struggling with the idea of Christmas already, which I'm really sad about as I usually enjoy it.  This year however my best friend's baby is due on Christmas eve (of all days!), so I'm already worrying and feeling sad    about the dreaded phone call/text/email (whatever form it takes!) announcing baby's arrival, name, weight etc etc - and cue the tears    This time last year was a very different story as I'd just had my first cycle of IVF and was on my 2ww over Christmas, so I was happy, elated, excited and thinking "I'm pregnant!" but sadly it wasn't to be.  Now I have this to deal with this year, and I'm expected to be happy and join in the baby celebrations.

Hoping I can find some lovely ladies to chat to over this difficult time to help keep me strong and stop me going completely  

Hugs to all   xx


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## BunnieBW

Hi Nosilab,

I hope you find the strength to get you through this time, its a tough part of the year at the best of times but when you have a friends baby due it must be really hard for you.  I had two failed IVF cycles this year so am currently thinking of what should have been.

I think this site will be a huge comfort over this period as there are some amazingly supportive people on here.

sending you lots of hugs


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## Maisyz

Christmas is hard. I'm finding the constant bombardment of adverts with the "perfect family" a bit of a challenge. Debenhams woman particularly annoys me, returning from her amazing job to her perfect country cottage complete with child. Sort of feels like shoving in my face what my life should be. This year has been truly rubbish, yet another failed cycle, major surgery and a cycle which failed to even get past week one and 2013 brings yet more treatment attempts. Wondering just when life gets to be fair? when do nice people get to win? 

a very sad Maisy x


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## Rowan22

I know what you mean, Maisyz, though i haven't had all the treatment cycles you've had. We're thinking of going with donor eggs in the new year but I've so many health issues it seems pointless. I don't expect it will work, it's just a gesture, really - and expensive, too! - but I need to do it to draw that line. Nosilab, that is one horrible situation! Thinking of you.
It's not fair, is it? None of this is fair.
As for adverts, it's the Asda one I can't stand! Not so much because of the happy family scenerio as because the guy does nothing at all! You see this young woman dashing about doing everything, half the time with a baby under her arm and he just gets to sit there and have a nice glass of something! He doesn't even put the lights up! Talk about stereotyping! Every time the ad comes on, I swear!
Right, rant over, nice to get that off my chest! Perhaps Asda should note that this is actually the twenty first century? Men are perfectly capable of doing the washing up and looking after the baby!
Nice to have this space to chat. I think that's going to be really helpful as the Day gets ever closer.
Has anyone started doing anything about it yet? I try to hold out at least until December but that's not far away now!

Rowanxx


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## BunnieBW

Maisy your post is so sad, I really hope you start to feel better soon.  The tv adverts are really tough at times aren't they or the programmes where people get pregnant just by being within breathing distance of someone!

My first cycle this year didn't even get past the first day after egg collection, I felt so cheated as we weren't told it could go wrong then and then my second failed on the 14th day, just when I had started to think it had actually happened I took the test and then bled that very night.
It does seem so unfair and that it never happens for the ones that want it the most.

I really hope that we can all get through this time and of course we all have each other on this site to look to for support or comfort or even someone to rant at.

sending you lots of hugs hun  
x x x


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## mrsmcc7

Hi girls, mind if I join you?

I thought I was ok about dealing with Christmas, as last year wasn't too bad even after our IUI attempts failed.  This year however, we've got a failed ICSI behind us now and I'm in the middle of a FET and it seems to have caught up with me and I just can't bear the thought of Christmas.  Normally I love it - have all the shopping done by now and am already desperate to go buy my real tree - but this year I've only bought a couple of presents and am actually considering not having a tree at all!!!  

I don't think it's helping that providing our snowbabies thaw ok, our OTD will be a day or two before Christmas day - great timing eh!!!  You can probably tell that I've not got any PMA and have already decided that this FET isn't going to work either!! lol

Anyway, I'm so sorry to see there are others feeling the same way too.  I so wish the world was fairer and those of us who are so desperate for a baby could have the ones that are born every day and aren't wanted :-(  

Hugs girls.

Suzie x


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## Nosilab

Hi ladies,

*Bunnie*, thank you very much for the hugs, sending a hug your way too  Like you I've just had another failed cycle and I was hoping to make my big announcement to family over Christmas as I'd have been around 3 months by then  So so sorry to hear about your 2 failed cycles, just heartbreaking.

*Maisy*, it's all so hard isn't it  and all those flippin stupid family/baby orientated Christmas adverts _really_ don't help! So sad to see that things have been really tough for you this year, here's hoping 2013 brings you lots of luck 

*Rowan*, thank you for your kind words. Think I know the Asda advert you mean, think I saw it last night - DH and I just looked at each other as if to say "what the hell?!" As for shopping etc, I've been soooo lazy and done most of my shopping online, can't bear the thought of going around the shops looking for presses 

*Mrsmcc7*, it's so hard to have PMA when faced with this tough journey, you're not alone  Have everything crossed that your FET cycle has a happy outcome 

Looking forward to getting to know you all, and as Bunnie says, give each other lots of support and comfort xx


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## BunnieBW

Thanks hun,  my thoughts are with you all over this time, I'm sure together we can all get through it and even have a few rants in the process x x


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## Nosilab

Absolutely!  I'm glad we're all here for each other   xx


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## irishflower

Hi all, thought I'd join here as I'm struggling with the idea of Christmas this year too.  Currently stimming on my first cycle and if all goes according to plan I should find out the success or not a few days before Christmas.

Have cancelled all plans this year for Christmas parties etc. as I just don't know how I'll feel, and am struggling at work listening to everyone talk about 'santa' and their plans etc   Think it's just such a hard time for us as we (or at least I do) measure everything in terms of Christmas - for years now I've been saying 'by next Christmas I'll be pregnant/have a baby' and of course it hasn't happened yet so it just makes that time of year difficult.  Should be a time of joy and happiness but for us it's really not.

Wishing you all love and support through difficult times x


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## Moonshadow_73

Hi all

Just jumping in with a me too! Had our first IVF cycle worked, I would have been due between Christmas and New Year, instead we went on to have an unsuccessful FET and another failed IVF in October. It's all a bit raw and so many of my friends now have little ones or are pregnant there's little chance escaping the discussions about how excited their children are, which Santa's grotto was best etc etc. 

I plan to do as much shopping as I can on-line, I'm also going to try and find some time to do what I want to do, if I need to take time out to feel sad and to spend some time away from all the festivities, so be it. 

Gentle hugs to everyone, wherever you are on this journey.


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## BunnieBW

Hi There ladies,

I think I know what you're all going through and my heart goes out to all of you.  I too should be with bump at the moment.  If my first IVF had worked I would have been due the week before christmas but that failed and then my second in August failed also so I'm feeling quite sad about the christmas period.  I haven't even thought about shopping yet but have stupidly agreed to a New Years Eve party at my house and most of our friends will bring thier children so I'm very nervous about that, may have to just down the champers!

Sending love and hugs too all x x x


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## J0sieJo

Hi Everyone,

Sending lots of hugs to you all over the festive season and remember you are not alone! Its so reasurring that we have friends to talk to when we are feeling low or just for a chat, especially at this time of the year.

I am dreading Christmas to be honest, its usually my favourite time of the year but since the painful journey of TTC started almost 4 years ago each year just seems to get worse  

Sending lots of love

Jo


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## Nosilab

Hi ladies

*Bunnie*, you're a very brave lady having the New Years Eve party at your house, I really admire you. Hope it all goes well but definitely keep that champers to hand 

Sending you lots of luck *Irishflower*    really hope this turns out to be your year  I know what you mean about measuring everything by Christmas, last year and now this year I thought I'd be pregnant.

*Moonshadow*, I know exactly what you mean re doing your shopping online, I've done all of mine that way this year, apart from one of DHs presents. Couldn't face the shops. And you definitely need to think of yourself, so as say, if at any point you need to take time out then so be it. You have to do what's right for you.

*JOsieJo*, I also usually really enjoy Christmas, getting the decs and tree up, watching rubbish Christmas tv etc, but like you, this year I'm dreading it so much 

Sending hugs to all  xxx


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## Maisyz

It's nice to know I'm not alone, well not nice obviously as I wouldn't want anyone else feeling bad and going through this. But it helps to know it's not just me 

Maisy x


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## Nosilab

....definitely not just you Maisy


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## neongirl

Hi everyone

I hope you don't mind me joining you all.  2012 has been the best and then worst year of my life.  In January I found out I have blocked fallopian tubes and would need IVF, it was a relief to be honest, after 3 years 4 months of TTC to have a reason and know what we needed to do.  We did IVF in April/May and got a BFP, first try, we couldn't believe it and were absolutely over the moon to find out at our early scan that we were having identical twins.  I was having a completely trouble free pregnancy until my waters broke with no warning at 20+3.  Our baby boys were born at 20+4 on 07/09/12.  They were due to be delivered at 36 weeks - Christmas Eve.  I am dreading Christmas, literally dreading it, if I could fast forward till it was all over then I would.  We don't know what to do, at the moment the plan is to spend the day by ourselves pretending it's just another day which I know will disappoint family but I just cannot face it this year.  I am not planning to buy any presents, I know that people will understand, I have forced myself into the Christmas section of shops to find things to go on my boys grave and that's the only reason I can make myself do it, for them.

DH and I have an appointment with the fertility consultant on 27th Dec to speak to him about the possibility of another cycle of NHS funding.  It is very bad timing having to go the hospital to speak about more IVF within a few days of when our boys should have been born but I am sort of looking forward to it in a weird way as the next step to having a brother or sister for our angels.  Hoping to start IVF again maybe Feb or March.

I sypmathise with each and every one of you.  The adverts make me sick!

Thanks for listening xx


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## BunnieBW

Hey All,

Nosilab, I don't feel so brave but I am trying to be strong and get my head round it all but the champers will defo be on hand along with the vodka and gin and anything else I can get my hands on!

Maisyz, you are not alone, I'm sure we will all be here for each other during this time.

Neongirl, your story bought a tear to my eye, I really feel for you and hope that you can get through this tough time.

Sending hugs to all   x x x


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## Flow13

Well, everyone around us seems to be getting festive etc, and I am just not feeling it at all. Friends on ******** are all 'wrapping presents today', 'watching a christmas dvd' blah blah.  And I just really don't want to do Christmas.  My oh's children aren't coming as its their turn at their moms.  We have just started decorating, as we just want to avoid all christmas decorations until the last minute.  
So, this year we have planned some things for us to do - a day in front of the tv, a meal out, a trip to german market to get us in the mood, some nice food.  All these are centred around us, and what we want to do. We have even bought ourselves a Kindle Fire each, as normally money goes on oh's children.  But this year we have decided to treat us. xxxx


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## Morfil

Can I join you?

Can I add another 'annoying Christmas thing'... might sound pathetic, but I sing in a church choir, and we're currently practising all the christmas carols. Every time we sing about a baby born of virgin's womb, or baby sleeping in a manger etc etc etc, it makes me want to cry!!! Doesn't help that there's a heavily pregnant member of the choir and / or mothers with their new babies listening to us sing.. I can't look at them!!

The other day I muscled in on my friend taking her little one to meet Santa, then felt guilty because it's none of my business... I'm becoming 'that crazy childless lady' who fawns over everyone else's children, oh dear!

Reading your stories has really touched me, I do hope you all find a way to cope with Christmas in your own ways xx


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## Nosilab

Neongirl, your post really brought tears to my eyes. What an absolutely devastating and traumatic experience you've had. I can't even begin to imagine your heartache. It choked me to think of you shopping for gifts for your little boys' graves, very very moving. You most definitely have to do what is right for you and DH this year, even if that means it just being the two of you, and if it disappoints your family so be it - meant in the nicest possible way - they'll get over it. I know my circumstances are not as traumatic but last year we did the same as you but for New Year's Eve/Day. We treated it like any other 'normal' day, I was in no mood for celebrating! So all phones got switched off, no parties and no new year telly. Then on New Year's Day DH and I just went for a lovely walk. I hope you find the strength to get through this very sad time and I hope we will be able to help give some love and support  xx

Flow, yep I feel the same, not feeling the Christmas spirit at all. The girls at work were talking today about when to put the tree up, and I said "oh, I don't mind, go ahead and do it without me" but I think they thought I was joking and just laughed it off. I think it's great that you've planned some lovely things for you and DH AND that you've treated yourselves to a Kindle each, good on you! DH and I are going out for our Christmas dinner this year, my mum and her hubby are coming too, none of us wanted to cook (especially not me!) so I'm hoping that'll be good for me, to be out of the house xx

Morfil, good point re the Christmas carols, I hadn't even thought of that! Yes that must be really hard for you, especially with the pregnant lady in the choir!! It doesn't sound pathetic at all  xx

Hello and hugs to all reading


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## Mooncat

Wow, some really touching stories, everyone on here has been through such a lot 

I went off Christmas when I was 19. My mum left my dad for another bloke in the October, my sister was away travelling, so on Christmas day it was just me and Dad. We made Christmas dinner together, but when it got onto the table he broke down in floods of tears. I'd never seen him cry before  People have often called me 'bah humbug', told me it's a wonderful time etc, but I don't agree. The thing is there's so much pressure for everything to be perfect and everyone to be happy, but life's not always like that, lots of people are having a hard time for lots of reasons. All the expectation just magifies the bad stuff. 

Christmas with infertility issues sucks, all the images of beautiful families and adorable children everywhere... I have nine children under five to buy for. Online shopping sounds like a very good bet! Weirdly, despite our recent failed IVF, I feel a little bit more positive about Christmas this year. After three years of battling with NHS and being fobbed off, in 2012 I finally got all my diagonoses, had a lap to remove the worst of my endo, and had a round of IVF. At least things are moving.

This year, we will be doing the bits we feel like doing and ignoring the rest. We will be avoiding certain 'Christmas mad' friends with littlies as much as possible. We will be hoping for no new pregnancy announcements from friends (bitter cow alert!). Mostly, we will be enjoying each others company, and feeling thankful that we have each other. 

Hugs to all,

Mooncat aka The Grinch


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## Nosilab

Oh Mooncat, what a really sad experience you had.  It must have been sooooo hard for you, especially at that age, to see your Dad in so much pain - and at a time when we're all supposed to be playing 'happy families'    I agree, there is too much of an expectation around Christmas for everyone to be happy and perfect, and as you say, life just isn't like that and lots of people are having a hard time for lots of reasons - but there is this immense pressure on one day of the year - it's not fair and actually quite an outdated view on the world really isn't it.  I know with IF we tend to focus on the ads featuring children and happy families - but what about the people with only one (or none!) parents??  They must feel angry and resentful at those ads too.  I totally agree with what you're saying.

I reckon the online shopping is definitely the way forward - especially as you have so many little ones to buy for.  Take the pressure off yourself and make it as easy as possible  

We all definitely need to remind ourselves that we're thankful for what we already have and that we have our lovely DH's/DP's.  And that we all manage to scrape through relatively unscathed without any more pregnancy announcements!

 to all xx


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## Mooncat

Hi Nosilab  That was a bit of a negative post wasn’t it?! It’s all good now – my mum remarried, my dad found someone else, and they’re both really happy  But the Christmas memory has stuck with me. Even when I’ve been having a lovely Christmas, I’m always conscious that millions of people will be having a horrible time, for one reason or another. 

I think everyone on this site is amazing btw. I'm so glad I found it, I'd be lost without people in similar situations to talk to. Hope everyone can manage to enjoy bits of the festive season, or if not, find the strength to get through it and start afresh in the new year. So hoping 2013 brings lots of luck for everyone xxx


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## irishflower

Very well said mooncat x


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## Emma28

Hi there,

I was crying reading all the touching posts. Everyones been through so much. I need to have a little moan as I too am not feeling very christmassy this year. 
Thought it was going to be a fab xmas this year and I would be announcing my pregnancy news to everyone for a change but unfortunately miscarried two weeks ago at 8 weeks. I'm absolutely gutted after seeing the little heartbeating at the six week scan I stupidly got my hopes up and thought everything would be fine then   
I'm sure everyones thinking I'm this miserable cow and not knowing the reason why. I had my christmas works do last night and I just couldn't get into it, I kept daydreaming, having to force smiles all night and I tried to avoid alcohol incase I just crashed and burned. 
I had already started to imagine what my little family would be like and now Im just looking at everyone elses and feeling sadness. All this talk about visiting father christmas, wrapping presents and seeing little faces on xmas morning. Can I not hibernate this year!!!


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## Mooncat

Emma28 - Such a sad situation  I’d say you absolutely can hibernate this year, if that’s what you want. The people that matter will understand, and will still be there for you when you’re ready to see them. Do many people know about your situation? I know it’s really personal, and sometimes people can be really insensitive and say the wrong thing, but telling a few more people why you’re sad and struggling might be helpful. 
Massive hugs honey   Wasn’t to be that time, but hopefully better luck will come your way in the future  xx


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## Nosilab

Emma28

As Mooncat says, absolutely, you *can* hibernate if that's what you need and want. I'm so so sorry to hear about your mc  absolutely heartbreaking. Do you have a few close people who know what you've been through and therefore why you're feeling so low at the mo? If so I'm sure they'll understand about you wanting to keep a low profile over Christmas, it's only natural that you'd want to do that. Come on here and chat to us any time you need to.

Afm, my pregnant best friend went into labour yesterday! She's 3 weeks early as she was originally due on Christmas Eve. Although I feel a bit down in the dumps at the fact the moment has finally arrived and it'll now be expected that I'll be all happy and jolly about it (  ), in a way, from a selfish point of view I'm relieved she's having baby now as it means that if I need to I can get all my tears over and done with (well, mostly anyway!) now rather than over the Christmas hols. That way DH and I can still have a relatively relaxing, tear-free time over Christmas without worrying about when baby is going to make an appearance!

Hope everyone else is coping ok? Thinking of you all


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## Moonshadow_73

Hey all

Other people's pregnancies are so bitter-sweet aren't they? So many of my friends have children and with each new arrival I feel so sad. I am happy for them, but it really does push all the painful buttons. How are you feeling now Nosilab? I presume you will have to go and visit them soon, be gentle with yourself.

I had a night out with work last week that ended horribly. I'm the only one at work who doesn't have children. There was lots of talk about Christmas, takingthe kids to see Santa/the panto etc. Then the phones came out with photos of their little ones dressed for nativity plays etc. We were sat down to eat by this point and I was in the middle of a long bench so couldn't escape. The tears came and it was just so embarrassing  . I tried to hide it by pretending to text (even though texting a the table is a pet hate of mine!) but I couldn't stop and ended up going home. Some people at work know we're having IVF but some don't. 

I now have to not only face our Christmas work do, which will likely be a repeat of last week, but also I'm hosting a girl's Christmas meal in a couple of weeks. It's something we do every year but again I'll be the only one who doesn't have children. Even thinking about it makes me tearful as I know the rest of them will be talking about their little ones. I'm hoping that as host I can make enough excuses to go and stir things and miss the bulk of it.

Emma28 - I think I'd like to hibernate too. I want to be able to enjoy Christmas but I know there are going to be lots of points where it is really hard.

Hugs to all  

Jen x


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## irishflower

Aw Jen it is so hard honey...I've been there so many times when I've just got overwhelmed by talk of children and had to leave in tears. All the girls in my office know about my treatment but it doesn't stop all the talk! 
to you that you're able to get through the next few weeks...come on here for support when it gets too much x


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## Nosilab

Hi Moonshadow,

So, my bf's baby finally made an appearance yesterday morning, got a text yesterday pm to let me know. Even though I was expecting it the news still sent me into a bit of a 'gloom' but not too bad I guess, considering. Yes these times are really bittersweet aren't they, especially when they are people you're very close to, makes it even harder really - knowing that you have to appear happy for them on the outside but on the inside it's tearing you apart. Definitely does push all the painful buttons doesn't it! Well, I think there _will _ be an expectation that I'll visit them soon, but I had already emailed her a couple of weeks ago to let her know how I was feeling and said "please don't put any pressure on me to visit or have any expectations, I need to do things in my own time" type thing, she was sad about it but said she understood (although I don't think in reality she does understand). Thanks for your lovely message 

So sorry to hear you had a bad night out with work. It sounded absolutely horrendous  !! You did very well in agreeing to go in the first place, I think I would have made my excuses and not gone at all. You may not want to, or feel you can, but is there any way you can pull out of the work's Christmas do and/or hosting the girl's Christmas meal?? It might be easier for you if you just avoid these get togethers for a wee while? It seems a lot of pressure to put on yourself. Christmas can be sooooo hard when it comes to parties and get togethers 

Big hugs to all  xx


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## Emma28

Hi Everyone

Mooncat-yes afew people at work know about my situation but not them all and I have told close friends. But I'm finding myself getting frustrated as those who do know as they really don't understand or say the wrong thing but I know I am just feeing extra sensitive at the moment.

Nosilab-It is really hard two of my best friends have literally just had babies within the last month. One I visited a week after my mmc the other week. I didn't think I would even want to hold him but I did and managed to get through it without crying well until I got home. 

MoonShadow-I have held back the tears so many times at the baby/children chats. I've known about my POF for tens years now so feel like I've been upset about not being able to have children for like forever. You poor thing at your works do I hope you get through the christmas one. If you don't feel up to it though don't put yourself through it make an excuse!

I've put my tree up to try to get myself in a more christmassy mood. I've read about someone on one of the threads putting a star on the tree for the baby they lost so I bought a little angel in white to represent my little angel that didn't make it, all the other decorations on the tree are red so it stands out. It does feel kind of nice to do something even if no one else knows what its there for.    x


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## Nosilab

Emma, what a really lovely idea, the star/angel, especially in white when all other decs are coloured.  I still haven't decided if I'm going to go and visit the new baby    part of me wants to but a much bigger part of me wants to run for the hills and steer well clear!!  Don't know, it won't be before Christmas now anyway as we live too far apart and too many other plans between now and Christmas......am I just making excuses?!  Yes, probably!!


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## Moonshadow_73

Just wondered how everyone is doing?

We put our Christmas tree up last weekend, I felt really low putting it up but now love it  . Can't second guess what will upset me and what won't half the time... It's our works Christmas do this Friday and I have mixed feelings about it, hoping that child talk will be kept to a minimum, I really don't want to be crying into my meal for a second time (apart from anything else, the restaurant we're going to is lovely!). I also have to get through our girl's Christmas dinner in just over a week (I say girls, the oldest is 40 and the youngest 36, but we'll always be young at heart!). I had a word with one of my friends and she was very understanding and will try to steer the conversation away from children if it gets a bit too much. It's taken some of the pressure off I guess, but I still have to meet up with a pregnant friend over Christmas so it's never ending.

I hope everyone is okay, so many mixed emotions at this time of year.

Jen


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## Maisyz

Hi Jen, also have tree up, constant battle with cat who is a bit bauble obsessed and the mad sniffer hound who can sniff out chocolate at five thousand miles so currently a bit obsessed with what is presumably the customary Selection Box from dad. Iced Christmas cake today, first layer done, presents all ordered (how did we ever exist without Amazon?). Have had the odd wobble, family funeral other day so had lots of kid and baby bits shoved under nose plus lots of tales of Nativity etc, was actually quite nice to hear about kid stuff. Kind of figure I can't blank everything out forever so went with it. Hope everyone else OK.
Maisy


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## karusia90

I volunteered to work this Christmas to avoid family gathering on both days. So ladies, have a drink for those who are on duty


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## irishflower

Hi Jen, i've cried off from my work do this Friday as it's otd for me. My annual girls' do is the following Saturday but my attendance will be dependent on the result! Still couldn't be bothered with tree etc too   but have decided not to beat myself up too much if I don't feel like going to dos etc, don't need that extra pressure!
Lots of   to all throughout this hard time x


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## Judi86

Hi ladies I just located this thread and it sums up how I feel about Christmas this year, I do hope you don't mind if I join in!

Friday night in work, they were desperate for one more person to work Christmas Day, the consensus was that those with children shouldn't have to work it! I nearly walked out! Not looking forward to Christmas nights out either because ice been comfort eating my way through all this and feel disgusting now. Haha I am looking forward to Downton Abbey Christmas special though! 

Xxx good luck getting through Christmas all! And fingers crossed for 2013 xxx


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## Nosilab

Hi ladies

Haven't put our tree or decs up yet, but plan to do it this weekend. I'm hoping it'll get me into the Christmas spirit! Here's hoping eh!

Jen, I'm very much like you in that I never know from one minute to the next whether I'm going to be feeling up or down - guess we're all feeling like that though  Great back up plan, having a quiet word with your friend before the Christmas do, as you say, at least she'll now be able to help steer the conversation away from babies/children if needed 

Maisy, I'm dreading what our 2 new pussy cats will be like over Christmas lol!! We've adopted them (they are 2 and a half) and haven't been used to being inside so I think they're going to find the tree and decs _very_ entertaining! 

Karusia90, will definitely have a drink for you 

Irishflower, sounds very sensible to take the pressure off yourself, you need to think about yourself and do what's right for you. Sending lots of    for OTD.

Hi Judi86, of course you can join in  Can't believe your work said that about those without children! So discriminatory!!  Don't usually watch Downton Abbey but will be watching the Christmas special as have rellies staying over and they've already put their request in to watch it!  I don't mind though.

Been feeling a bit low this week, obsessing a little bit about my friend and her new baby, and thinking what a _very_ special Christmas they're going to have, it makes me feel so sad and envious  - hate saying that but it's true and I know I can 'safely' say that here without being judged 

Well, almost there ladies and then we'll be coming out the other side and on our way to 2013.....deep breaths....

 xxx


----------



## Judi86

I know what you mean about feeling envious, I bought the most beautiful "baby's first christmas' card! And can't bring myself to give it to anyone! I just want to keep looking at it.

Good luck keeping those cats in order, hope they don't destroy your tree

Xx


----------



## Nosilab

Oh I'm not surprised Judi!  So sad when we have to keep buying things like that for other people, it just makes me think "when will it be my turn to receive those cards?!"    I always think that every time I have to buy yet another 'congratulations/new baby' card, when will those cards be dropping on to my door mat??

Hmmm, who knows re the cats!  Either way I'm glad we have them to help keep me distracted/entertained!  

xx


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## danielle1370

Hi everyone hope you dont mind me joining too, it's so lovely to hear woman saying the things I've been feeling on the run up to Christmas this year. I too have had an unsuccessful year of 2 miscarriages and thinking of how spacial my Christmas would have been this year. By some sick turn of fate my mum accidentally bought a daughter's first Christmas card for me.,. She was mortified but I just laughed it off and said she mustnt have been wearing her glasses!!! My best friend had her baby when my first should have been due and I feel like such a jealous cow struggling to buy her a baby's first Christmas card so instead I bought a generic one for them all. It's just the little things that seem to effect us all during our journeys ttc.I have Clomid to start on Christmas day so looking forward top that more than the dinner and pressies lol xx


----------



## Judi86

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses Danielle, what a terrible year for you! I hope you manage to enjoy Your Chlomid-mass though, and get your special card in 2013 xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hello Danielle

What a really awful and sad year you've had    Oh dear, very unfortunate re the card from your mum    You don't sound like a jealous cow at all, you sound like someone hurting and devastated by your losses, which is totally understandable.  I think you've done the right thing by buying a generic card for your friend, you need to think of yourself and your own emotions and only do what feels comfortable for you.  Hoping that Clomid brings you your dream for 2013 xx


----------



## danielle1370

Thanks girls its so lovely to finally talk to people who are going through similar experiences and feelings, it's very hard to explain to people why youre just not feeling quite as festive as everyone else! Are yoy both spending Christmas at home or with family? I tend to find being around people ( well the right people lol) tends to help. Are any of you waiting of big news or treatment in the new year? Hard not to wish the Christmas away aswell isn't it? Xx


----------



## Judi86

I am wishing it away too, waiting on AMH blood results to hopefully start egg sharing very soon in the new year, fingers crossed.  We will be spending Christmas with both our families so that's nice, how about you have any plans? I have a couple of girlie nights out which I'm starting to look forward to, my friends know all what's been happening and they're all super!  Ill be glad to see the back of this year as I'm you're you are too 

Xxx


----------



## Nosilab

We're spending Christmas at home. Christmas is usually just the 2 of us, and that's how we usually like it.  However this year, because I need a distraction from my best friend and her new baby we've invited my mum and her husband to come up and stay for Christmas Day and Boxing Day, so that'll be lovely, looking forward to that.  I think the rest of the time will mainly be just me and DH   

Saying that, like you both I'm wishing it away, I've never looked forward to January so much!! Not sure what big plans we have for 2013, I'm hoping to do a FET cycle but still haven't had 'that chat' with DH  

Judi, sounds like you have some fab friends there, I do too, they've been amazingly supportive and understanding.  Hope you enjoy your girlie nights out and that they distract you over Christmas.

So what are your plans Danielle?

xxx


----------



## danielle1370

Well im spending Christmas at my mams and my partner goes to his then I'll join his family at tea time. To be honest it would be lovely to spend the whole day together but I lost my dad top cancer last year and my mam is currently having chemo so not sure my household will have a lively, happy one this year. Dont like to moan but my family have had the roughest year top date!! Lookingare forward to New year as going to Edinburgh for two nights with my partner so thatll be lovely!! Night's out with girls are always a good distraction! Glad you ladies have some things planned too! I am also diracting myself from a friend whos just had her baby, im in a bit of a rubbish position though coz lots of my friends live away but thankfully a few are home for Christmas plus my partners like my best friend anyways lol sounds like you both have some plans which is always a good thing xx


----------



## Nosilab

Oh Danielle, I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad, and your Mum, very sad times for you all 'round.  Sending you big hugs    I hope you all manage to have a restful and cosy Christmas.  I lost my dad to cancer a few years ago, so I sympathise with you    Sounds like you have a fab New Year planned - exciting!  Yes, my DH is my best friend too (awww!) so always enjoy spending time with him, just the 2 of us  

xx


----------



## Moonshadow_73

Danielle - that must make Christmas even more poignant, I hope you manage to enjoy your time together with your partner. New Year plans sound good, I can imagine Edinburgh at New Year would be fantastic.

Nosilab - I'm glad to hear you have made plans for Christmas, I do think that having other people around can be a really helpful distraction especially when you're having to cope with difficult emotions. And no, you are not judged here - I have to meet up with my oldest friend over Christmas and she's about 11 weeks pregnant. I don't see her often (she lives in Egypt) and this year is the first time I've felt like I don't want to see her  

Welcome on board Judi - that's such an awful attitude to have to face at work. In the past I've volunteered to work during holiday periods to allow those with children to be off, but I would have felt very differently if I'd been expected, or pressurised, to.

AFM - I survived the work's Christmas do and actually had a blast! There was only minimal talk of children (perhaps after me bawling on a night out a couple of weeks ago thanks to all the nativity play/panto talk) and I really let my hair  down. Surprisingly no hangover the day after!! I just hope this Saturday's meal with friends (where I'm the only childless one) can be a repeat....

Jen xx


----------



## Judi86

Danielle, you have had a crap year, I really am sending lots of lovely thoughts your way! New year plans sound lovely, hope you will enjoy seeing the backside of 2012 and toasting to a much happier new year with your OH!

Jen, I have done the same in recent years and felt the same in fact, that those will little ones shouldn't have to work Christmas, only since I've started this process I know believe they are the lucky ones! Thankfully another girl volunteered so I got out of it! 

Glad to hear your Christmas party wasn't dreadful , and good luck this Saturday! I can only imagine how difficult it must be for all of your friends to have children, I'm lucky in that so far only one of my close friends has a child, but the thought already chills me that the others will all do so and ill still be fighting for my turn.  I hope you have a nice time with your friends

Lianne Judi xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Jen, that's a really difficult situation with your friend, I really feel for you.  Will your friend be staying with you?  How long is she visiting for?  The friend of mine who's just had a baby is my best friend of 35 years, this is the first and only time I've wanted to distance myself from her....difficult times    I hope you manage to survive the visit ok.  Glad to hear you survived your Christmas do and that there was minimal baby talk, you deserved to have a fun time.  Hope all goes well this Saturday    We had our Christmas do on Friday, like you I survived with relatively low level baby/children talk - although some people just can't help themselves, can never escape it completely I guess  

xxx


----------



## nattyclare78

Hi

I hope its ok to hop in. 

My husband is infertile and unless I can lose 2 stone ( I am only a size 14!) the NHS won't help us ( I would have to chop a leg off!) and we really can't afford to go private so I am facing another xmas where my only wish is to have a baby! It will be my 20th xmas of this being my only wish and as much as I love my nieces and my family it is heartwrenching.

Sorry to hijack, just feel for you all aswell as myself xxx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi nattyclare

Of course it's ok to hop in, come and join us  

Can't believe the NHS say you need to lose 2 stone when you're only a size 14!! That's outrageous    Your 20th year of waiting for your dream, wow....that's a lot of stamina your have there, you're a very strong woman, I'm not sure I have half your strength, I truly admire you but also so very sad for you.  Yes I have lots of nieces and nephews too and love them all to bits, but as you say it's still heart wrenching  

xxx


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## Moonshadow_73

Welcome Nattyclare

That does seem a bit extreme of the NHS, I'm really sorry to hear you're being denied treatment because of that, I can't imagine that as a size 14 you're outside the guideline weight? I agree about the nephew and nieces, I love mine to bits but seeing the happy family unit of my brother's family just brings home how much I'm missing out.

Nosilab - This is also a friend of over 35 years, I never imagined a situation where I wouldn't want to meet up with her - it's awful isn't it? Fortunately she has family here so will stay with them, though my mum usually does offer her a bed (her family life is complicated and my mum and dad see her as a 2nd daughter). This year we're taking my in-laws with us though so it's a full house. Never thought I'd be grateful for having to spend 3 days with my in-laws either... 

Had a bit of a wobble yesterday, one of the friend's coming on Saturday asked how I was doing. Fine, until someone asks me how I'm doing! Don't think it helps that a week today I turn 39, I always felt that 40 would be the cut-off for us trying for children and that suddenly doesn't feel very far away (I suspect the 40 cut-off will be revised!).

Off to eat a mince pie, I don't care that it's only 9:45 am, nor that I'm not even that keen on mince pies, nor that I can hear a psychologists interpretation of why I'm eating something I don't really like (to fill that void perhaps?!).

Sorry for the moan, just a bit fed up today.

Jen


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Jen

Hmm, like you I never imagined a time when I wouldn't want to see my friend, it scares me a bit but I do feel like we may finally be drifting apart after all these years    It really is an awful situation, I totally agree.  I bet you're relieved that she won't be staying with you and that you have your in-laws as a distraction!  Yes I can be the same, as soon as someone is nice to me and shows me some compassion I just feel all weepy, I often joke with people and say "don't be nice to me! you'll make me cry!".  The whole 39/40 thing is a tough one, I do agree, I felt exactly the same (I turned 40 this year).  It does feel daunting when you know the big 4.0. is looming just around the corner but it's not so bad once you get here though    Although I understand what you mean with regards to treatment etc, 40 feels like a bit of a landmark.  I thought 40 would be the cut off point for me too, but who knows?!

Well, I hope that mince pie was more enjoyable than anticipated?! Sometimes we just need to do these things.  Certainly no need to apologise for the 'moan' we all need to do that, and that's what we're here for....to listen and support  

xxx


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## Moonshadow_73

Thanks Nosilab

I think I just needed a good moan yesterday, I'm just glad of being able to come here and be honest about how things are. 

Does your friend understand how tough things are for you? I've created distance with a few of my friends over the years who've had children, but recently I was able to talk honestly to one of them who has 2 young girls. She was really understanding and it cleared the air (not that there was ever any tension, I just felt distant from her). I'm hoping it might pave the the way for greater closeness. It can be a hard conversation to have, I felt so guilty for saying that I find it hard to hear about other people's children when they are obviously such a big part of peoples lives, but as she rightly pointed out there are other people in her life she can talk about her kids to, and she would never want to knowingly cause me upset. It's never easy though, and not everyone really 'gets it'. 

Landmark birthdays have never really bothered me, it's never mattered in the past. I do know of a couple of people who had their children in their early 40's so there's no reason to consider 40 as an absolute cut-off. I guess it's easy to  pick an arbitrary date when you're in your early 30's and it's still a way off! 

We'll all get through this Christmas, because we have to, and because if nothing else IF does makes you dig deeper to find reserves of strength and courage that we probably all never realised we had. 

Jen

ps - the mince pie was a disappointment, however I will persevere with a different brand today! Market research...


----------



## Nosilab

I'm liking your market research Jen, good plan!

Yeah, my friend does know how tough things are for me, she's listened to me throughout my journey.  But the trouble is she's a very 'matter of fact' type person, so she says what she thinks and doesn't always realise that it can be hurtful or upsetting.  It was always going to be a difficult situation whenever she got pregnant, the main problem for me was the timing of her pregnancy, it still bothers me, but about a month before she found out she was pregnant she was going to leave her DH, she'd had enough - and then hey presto - they're having a baby!  So when she called to tell me her news I was convinced she was called to say she was leaving him and moving out - the last thing in the world I expected was baby news    Anyway, she tries to understand and 'get it' but somehow she just doesn't, she can't seem to empathise at all.  Baby was only born a couple of weeks ago so I've yet to see if they'll be lots of baby chat/updates, somehow I don't think there will be, but we'll see.

You're so right though, we will all get through Christmas...because we have to.  I'm glad I have FF to help keep me sane and remind me that I'm 'normal' (well....almost   )...


----------



## Moonshadow_73

That is a tough way to find out, I find it easier if I'm prepared for someone's 'happy news', but when it comes out of the blue it can feel like a real kick in the guts can't it?

I have a couple of friends who are very matter of fact too and will probably never understand the deep hurt IF can cause. It can be hard and sometimes it feels like they don't care. I guess different friends have different qualities and give different things. I hope you have other friends who are able to give the kind of support you need and that with time you can find a way to be comfortable with this friend. I know I'm dreading seeing my pregnant friend but I'm also hoping that it won't be as hard as I'm anticipating.

I have to admit to bursting into tears when meeting a couple of friends with new babies, it felt awkward but at least it made it clear to them that it wasn't easy for me, one of them later told me that it meant a lot to her that I still met her and her baby despite it being so tough. I guess what I am trying to say is that when the time comes don't beat yourself up about how it makes you feel.

And yes, you are normal, or at least as normal as you can be on this crazy-making journey!

Jen x


----------



## MissNJN

This is a grumpy post- sorry!

So, all of my friends are happy- getting engaged and announcing pregnancies. I'm struggling to function. No tree up, crying whilst wrapping presents, wondering if there will ever be any magic in Christmas. I can't face all the merriment; the whole time pretending to be jolly, when all I can think about is not having a 'normal and happy' Christmas in the future.

Will it always feel like this?!


----------



## Caz

MssNJN, have you seen this thread? http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=297665.60 You're certainly not alone in your feelings.



C~x


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Jen

Yes it was a really horrible way to find out, and a total shock.  So yes, it really did feel like a kick in the guts, it felt like my world fell apart at that moment in time    Luckily (very luckily) I have some great friends who have been very understanding and supportive, they've been amazing.  Hope you have some good supportive friends too?  This is deffo one heck of a crazy-making journey eh    How are you feeling?

So how are all you ladies doing?  Hope you're all coping, or coping as well as can be expected?  I had a Christmas card arrive from my friend this morn, the one who's just had her baby, and I got that horrible stabbing hurt when I read their 3 names at the bottom of the card    Trying not to let it get to me too much, just having a lovely relaxing day with DH and then have mum and her hubby visiting tomorrow and Boxing Day so that'll be good and will keep my mind busy.

Big hugs to all   xxx


----------



## the_tempress89

hiya i just wanted to start this post because i know alot of us really struggle at this time of year, xmas is always full of mixed emotions and this year seems to have gotten alot worse. my dp and i were really hoping this xmas we would have fantastic news to share with the family, especially in january as we are planning a trip to ireland to see his parents. sadly though this month is not to be, bfn! 

so between the stress of xmas and the disappointment i have been really struggling to cope. then on saturday we recieved some bad news, there was a death in my dp's family. 

later on that night we received a call from his brother, to let him know he has just been made an uncle, 

as it turns out my brother in law 's girlfriend, who we have never met was pregnant, and gave birth on saturday to a little boy! this has kinda devastated me a little bit, saturday was out ov day so it was a bit bad timing, but then when we heard it was a boy, i dont know but it seemed to hurt me alot more, we had really been hoping for a little boy, even chosen a name, yeah i know getting a bit ahead of ourselfs but we like planning our family.. now im really scared, we had chosen the name john which is a family name for both of us, so im worried that his brother will chose the name for his little boy, and obv there is nothing we can do! i just feel a little like it should have been my baby, or our big news cheering everyone up, and i think its hit me really hard. almost like my dream is being taken from me if that makes any sense? 

anyone else finding it hard to cope this time of year?? what kinds of things do you do to de-stress ?? would love to hear some stories!!

merry christmas everyone and heres hoping 2013 brings lots of joy and lots of new babies !!!! xxxxx


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## babygirlforme

Sorry to hear you have a   time, I & dh have a   time , our worst Christmas 

Merry Christmas!


----------



## the_tempress89

thanks hun  sorry to hear this year isntt going too good for you and dp either, wishing you all the best for 2013!! xx


----------



## the_tempress89

it deffo must be this time of year, my cousins girlfriend has just messaged me there on ******** to tell me she is pregnant again. think im gonna   2 announcements in like 3 days


----------



## Nosilab

Hi MissNJN

It is a really difficult time of year, especially as everything seems so 'family orientated'.  Caz has already posted the link to the 'coping with Christmas' thread, come over and join us there   xx


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## Jaynebo

Hi all, well, it's Christmas eve (or Christmas morning 03.15)  . The tree looks beautiful, the cupboards are well stocked, the fire is still glowing and yet I feel nothing but emptiness. Every year is the same & every year, I feel it more. The thought that I may never be a parent is heartbreaking and this time of year is especially hard. It seems that everywhere you look, there are reminders all around of what you don't have, whether it be out shopping (I try & avoid this now & do it online),TV adverts, Christmas films; Home Alone or Family Man to name a couple.   Then you have the works Christmas party where they announce & congratulate all of this year's pregnancies in the after dinner speech. This as well as the talk all around you amongst the excited parents about their kid's Christmas lists. Christmas cards from relations with 3 or 4 or more names at the bottom of the card.  .  I saw my friend earlier today... her little boy is 15 months and although a little too young to know what's going on yet, his mum has enough excitement for the two of them.  I wanted desperately to leave the room or to say please can we talk about something else (not sure what though ). BUT, in spite of how I feel, I truly want for everyone to have a wonderfully, happy Christmas. As I am writing this I am already starting to feel a bit better and as I am just reading it back I realise I am feeling sorry for myself I guess.   I'm sure that me, my other half, our gorgeous little dog and our menagerie of chickens, ducks & turkeys will still have a good day. And afterall, although we are a childless couple at Christmas, there are people around the world who are totally alone or have just suffered loss and my heart goes out to all.  Thank-you Fertility Friends for listening to my build up of emotions in one paragraph. I hope you all have a fantastic Christmas day filled with love, mince pies and merriment. And to all childless couples/individuals, I hope your Christmas wishes come true and 2013 brings you all that you ever dream of xxxx  (I had better get to bed now  )


----------



## Praying for a miracle

Jaynebo

I also have been awake for hours, lying there and praying that one day.....! 
It is the hardest time of the year however as usual we manage to get through it. 
Don't feel like your alone.
Happy Christmas to you and hoping for a magical 2013.

Laura


----------



## nins

Jaynebo, sounds like we have had similar journies and want desperately for the same thing. I just wanted to say I understand every word you said and I too beat myself up for feeling sorry for myself but some times it's OK not to be OK. Happy Christmas, one day we will get there.


----------



## rosebud_05_99

hi
i felt the same yesterday, after years and years of failed ivfs we are now looking into surrogacy for next yr but as always there are no guarentees it will work for us, i just feel such a empty place in my heart and my home on xmas day especially,  its so tough to watch all the happy families around us with santa presents ect, no one understands what its like for involuntary childless couples at xmas time , rosebud


----------



## Nosilab

Hi ladies

Janebo, what a very heartfelt and moving post  I've also felt everything you've written, it's such a difficult and sad time of year when faced with IF and nothing can totally fill that feeling of emptiness  Your sentence about others being totally alone or suffering loss reminded me; on Christmas Day we (4 of us) went out for dinner (a treat this year) and we were sat opposite a gentleman eating alone, he was wearing a wedding ring and occasionally appeared to be wiping tears from his eyes with his napkin. It mad me feel incredibly sad and my heart was breaking for him  he'd obviously suffered a recent loss and didn't want to spend Christmas Day alone. He was surrounded by families and couples all laughing and having a wonderful time. It must have been absolutely heartbreaking for him, but I guess a better option than sat alone at home in silence. I considered inviting him to join us but then for some unknown reason I didn't.....I _really_ wish I had now. It made me realise just how lucky I am to have my DH by my side and a loving family. I may be faced with involuntary childlessness, and that is truly crushing as we all know, but I have to remind myself how lucky I am to have love and affection in my life. IF can bring up such strong emotions can't it  I hope you, DH, your little dog et al all had a cosy Christmas Day  xxx

Big hello to everyone, hope you're all surviving the Christmas break relatively unscathed  xxx


----------



## Moonshadow_73

Hi all, just popping in to see how everyone is doing. Our Christmas Day was OK, surrounded by family, food and far too much fizz! Boxing Day was the toughie for me, a year older and visited by a pregnant friend, plus another with a 3 year old. All got a bit too much and I broke down. I'd been determined not to but it was just too hard. Not sure HB really got it and I ended up feeling bad for ruining the day, again. I know things could be worse, Nosilab - your post about the old man dining alone had me filling up, I just wish we could all have had what we truly wanted for Christmas this year.


----------



## Maisyz

Christmas Day what can I say, mother in law from hell strikes again. Despite knowing that Dh's cousin's baby was born when one of ours was due the cowbag had pictures of the sprog out. Such a lovely woman. I resorted to vodka and left a less than pleased DH to deal with her. A not very best pleased Maisy


----------



## Nosilab

Hi Moonshadow and Maisyz, so sorry to see you both had a really horrible time over Christmas/Boxing Day    Really awful situations for you both  

Moonshadow, yes seeing that man eating alone on Christmas Day was making me well up too, just felt so sad for him.  I agree with you, I just wish we all could have had what we truly wished for this Christmas, including that elderly gentleman


----------



## Moonshadow_73

Does anyone else find NYE tricky too? I hate to sound all bah humbug but there is a part of me that is looking forward to a return to normality (though having had to get up for work this morning I'm not sure I'm looking forward to that part of normality!).

I guess NYE often feels like a time for reflection and the past year isn't one I want to reflect too deeply on. I'm trying to get into the spirit of hope for a New Year and all that it could bring, but there's a nagging feeling inside which won't let me escape the possibility that it will just be a repeat of this year. If it is then our hopes of having children will be over as hb doesn't want to adopt. I think I just need to get those thoughts out somewhere, sometimes being able to verbalise them takes away some of their power.

Tonight I *will* raise a glass to 2013, and I'll quietly wish all us ladies a good one.

Jen


----------



## Missymoo82

Hi Jen, I could have written that post myself! Iv been thinking exactly the same things all morning..... is 2013 going to be another year like this or is 2013 going to be our year for luck  

I keep flitting between being positive for next year & not getting my hopes up.... i know at least the first half of next year for us is going to be mostly the same.... waiting, tests, consultations, dealing with everyday life, no doubt more pregnancies to contend with! 

I hope for all or at least the majority of us its going to be a good year  

xx


----------



## Nosilab

Hi ladies,

*Jen*, as Missymoo82 says, I could have written those exact words! This time last year I'd just got my first BFN and was in a right state  I certainly was not in the mood for celebrating and toasting 2012. So NYE and New Year's Day doesn't hold fond memories for me either. It's sad to say but I'm also looking forward to getting back to some kind of normality and putting this holiday season behind me.



Moonshadow_73 said:


> Tonight I *will* raise a glass to 2013, and I'll quietly wish all us ladies a good one.


This sentence really touched me and made me feel quite tearful, what a lovely thing to say. I'm going to take a leaf out of your book and do the same 

I'm in the same situation as you in that if 2013 is just a repeat of 2012 then that's the end of our journey as my DH doesn't want to adopt either and we don't have enough funds for further tx, we only just have enough to do a FET cycle. As you say, it's good to be able to verbalise our thoughts, thank goodness for FF!!

Like you *Missymoo82*, I keep flitting between feeling positive but then trying not to get my hopes up by trying to stay 'realistic' 

Hugs to you both, and everyone else reading  xx


----------



## Maisyz

Must admit I hate New Years Eve but I always have nothing to do with being a childless old prone. Anyway ahve decided to be positive and see this year as a good one, OK so two failed cycles but hey at least the fibroids are gone (they weighed the same as a healthy child would have done so it's a damn good thing I have a sense of humour!) ANyway onwards, tonight will be alcohol induced oblivion and chocolates, then dietville to lose a stone and a half before next set of prodding, poking and injecting. Hopefully next year girlies we will be exchangng better newsxx

Cheers, Maisy started early x (Anyone want a cheese ball or a Milk Tray choccie??)


----------



## Nosilab

Maisyz your last sentence made me laugh!  Yes please to the cheese ball and choccie!  Gotta be done!

Hope I can feel as positive as you once we reach 2013!  Here's hoping  

xx


----------



## Maisyz

Nosilab, cheeseballs were second choice as there were no salt and vinegar chipsticks which I am craving. DH has concerns I am becoming the queen of chav snacks (unsure as to why he's surprised by that). 2013 is going to be our cheer, queen Maisy has decided


----------



## Mooncat

Hi ladies, not been on over Christmas, been trying to keep my mind on other things. Actually managed to have a really nice one, focussing on the positives, spending time with family and friends... then I woke up this morning feeling pretty dreadful. Knew the emotion would catch up with me at some point, grateful that it's held off until now. 

Been reading your posts about Christmas and NYE and sobbing my heart out. It's such a tough time. 

Moonshadow - Definitely agree about it being a time for reflection, and that 2012 is not a year I want to reflect on too much. I think I'll spend the evening being a sobbing mess, but I will also raise a glass and hope that 2013 brings happiness for us all.

Missymoo - After mentally giving myself Christmas off, my thoughts are also turning back to treatment, knowing January will bring more of the ups and downs, hoping I have the strength to deal with it all. Not how I'd choose to be going into the new year, but we'll get through it, somehow... 

Nosilab - Yes, thank goodness for FF! All my friends are making plans for fun filled evenings, I know they think I'm a misery not wanting to join in, but I know I'll be a teary wreck. At least you ladies understand 

Maisy - Good for you, I'm trying to do the same. 2012 may not have brought what we desperately wanted, but it did bring progress of sorts. (Oh and I like the hazlenut in caramel please  )


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## Nosilab

Lol Maisyz    I love chipsticks too, although I prefer the ready salted ones    Not fussy about the chocs, I'll eat most things, but not keen on coffee creams or dark choc lol!  I'm liking the Queen Maisy decision, sounds bloomin' good to me!!

Hi Mooncat, well, there is one thing for certain, we all understand each other on here    Weirdly most of my friends appear to be having a quiet night in tonight, which I'm really surprised about, makes me feel better that it's not just me and DH!    Try not to worry about what others are thinking, hard I know, but all that matters is that you are doing what YOU want to do, no point going out and upsetting yourself more if you think it'll just make you more teary.  Sending hugs  

Wishing everyone lots of luck, love and happiness for 2013   xxx


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## Maisyz

This is soo good at last people who like coffee ones and caramel ones, leaving all the strawberry creme loveliness for me!!!! yum

Will type Happy New Year now as lets face it a couple more vinos and itll be more hppyewer


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## Nosilab

Haha! That's so funny Maisy    Happy New Year to you too, enjoy that vino and those strawberry cremes!!


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## goldbunny

(sneaks in and nabs a strawberry cream!)


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## Nosilab

Maisy's gonna be miffed!!


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## Maisyz

lol Maisy is so not gonna start lobbing cheeseballs. Goldbunny can I interest you in a rather yummy orange creme too?


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## goldbunny

they are my Favourite.


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## Maisyz

fabski also have a few country fudge going, which are strangely addictive  

love 

Maisy


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## Nosilab

If you two share the cremes can I have a caramel please?!  Lol this is funny but a wee bit   but it's keeping me entertained!


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## goldbunny

my dental work won't allow me caramels


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## Nosilab

Morning ladies!

Well, we made it through, we're finally past new year and into 2013.  Hoping it's a good one for us all   xx

Maisy and Goldbunny, hope you're not feeling too queasy after all those chocs?!


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## Maisyz

Hellloooooo Nosilab, no chocs left but still have an improbably large bag of cheeseballs. As today is New Years Day and resolutions to be a saintly Maisy start it is something of a dilemma.  Fingers and indeed everything else crossed for us all that 2013 is a baby bonanza year. (Not legs crossed though that'd make reatment a tad tricky hey girlies). Big New Years mwahhh's to all. We gotta keep smiling hey xx


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## Nosilab

Hiya!

Hmmm, that does make things a tad tricky if you still have a large bag of cheese balls!    lol re 'legs not being crossed'   xx


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## Moonshadow_73

Can't believe I missed all the chocolates! I do love a cheese ball though so feel free to lob one in my direction... 

Based on the state of my hangover I'm pretty sure 2013 can only get better... So much for raising a quiet glass, I think I probably raised enough glasses for every FF member! I was so determined to enjoy NYE and not dwell on what a tough year 2012 was, think I tried a bit too hard. The healthy living will def have to wait another day...


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## Nosilab

Heehee Moonshadow!  The choc chat was v funny!

Well, by the sounds of things you had a brilliant NYE!  Sounds like you went about things in the right way, by enjoying yourself and letting your hair down!  And why the hell not after the year you've had  

What difference will another day make.....none!   xx


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## Moonshadow_73

I still want a cheeseball....

I'm guessing this thread might lose momentum soon now the festivities are over but big hugs to all you ladies   xx


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## Maisyz

Hello Moonshadow, drop on by I still have a mountain of cheeseballs. Have even googled "healthy things to do with cheeseballs" unsurprisingly nothing helpful came up.

Perhaps we can keep our thread as a chat thread? The cheesey chocolate chompers or something else?

Hope all OK after the festivities now ended, have started taking down tree etc and started on the diet. Hugs to all

Maisy


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## Moonshadow_73

Hey Maisyz - I'm developing an unhealthy addiction to virtual cheeseballs! 

Cheesy chocolate chompers does have a good ring to it, though it does make me want both chocolate and cheese so not sure it's going to help a diet!

I really want to get the tree taken down but HB has been away and is out today watching football. I hate having it there as a sad reminder of another Christmas I found hard. Tomorrow it will be no more. 

Hope everyone is ok, although I'm glad Xmas is over I still have a touch of the post-Christmas blues. I think I need a project to work on! xx


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## goldbunny

we're taking all the decorations down today it has been quite hard. i hate packing them up at the best of times.. but the outdoor lights are down, the tree's down, just a case of trying to work out how to get everything in the boxes (nightmare jigsaw puzzle).


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## Maisyz

Oh Goldbunny  

Ladies I must report the first sightings (on Jan 2nd OMG)of Easter eggs and chicks and a large smattering of Malteaster bunnies (something to which I have a rather large addiction). SInce then it has been a constant bombardment of Cadbury's creme eggs. What's a girl to do when she's trying to diet?? (These people have no consideration  ) I am considering paying my consultant to actualy say the the eating of Cadbury's creme eggs is actually exceptionally good for IVF as it encourages the eggies to pop out - let's face it ladies it is in no way less probably than some of the bobbins we are told and for once it would be pleasurable rather than necking wheatgrass, brazil nuts or anything vaguely womb shaped.

Moonshadow I feel a tad guilty for your virtual addiction. I apologoiise profusely, again though as they are vaguely egg shaped I maintain tehy are good from a fertility perspective. (Just call me Dr Maisy and send me a cheque for £150 aka the usual charge for two seconds of a consultants time . Have resorted to playing chase the cheeseball with the dog, hey how many other foods are not only a tasty snack but a whole exercise workout too, those thing can roll miles with teh right momentum.

TTFN girlies

love 

maisy


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## Nosilab

Hi ladies

Sorry for adding a sad post but just wanted to let you all know that 2013 hasn't got off to a good start for me.  I was really hoping this was going to be my year but on Thursday my DH decided to tell me that he doesn't want any more treatment, he wants it to come to an end now    We both cried soooo much on Thursday eve.  This is so hard for me though as we still have 3 snow babies - am I now just supposed to forget about them and ask the clinic to destroy them?!    So anyway, it looks like I may be much closer to the end of my journey than I'd hoped.

I wish all of you lovely ladies lots and lots of luck for 2013, I really hope it brings you all your much deserved dreams  

xxx


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## Moonshadow_73

Nosilab, that is just so, so sad. Saying I'm sorry to hear that doesn't even come close. We too have two frozen embryos and I can't imagine being told we couldn't try with them. Is there even the slightest chance he might change his mind? I know you must desperately want that to be the case so I hope you don't mind me asking what is probably a painful question.

I just think that sometimes New Year can make people feel they need to review their lives and make decisions, but at the same time it's an emotive time even in 'normal' circumstances. My HB always behaves differently at this time if year, as if he has something to prove. I've learnt to give him a bit of space and he eventually gets past it.

I don't know if any of that helps, but my heart goes out to you and I hope you know that the support will be here for you whatever.

Be gentle with yourself, I can only begin to imagine how painful this is for you   xx


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## Maisyz

Oh Nosilab, do you think that's his final decision though or just some sort of bloke hissy fit? Surely he'd agree to just one more cycle with the frosties? You won't need to make a quick decision about them anyway so take your time hey.

big hugs

Maisy x


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## Nosilab

Hi lovely ladies, I don't know what I'd do without you all 

Moonshadow, I don't mind you asking me that question at all. I guess there is a _very_ slim chance he may change his mind, I just don't know. I've booked in to see the counsellor at our clinic but unfortunately she didn't have any appts available until the end of the month. And for the first time ever DH had agreed to go and see her too, for a separate appt, which I'm really pleased about as he usually hates going to see (in his words) 'talky heads'. I don't think she'll necessarily change his mind but I'm pleased because he needs to de-stress and off load just as much as I do so I think it'll be good for him.

Maisy, I think if he had a choice, which of course to some extent he does, then yes, that would be his final decision without a doubt. He's always been totally honest with me right from the start of this journey and has always said he didn't want children so has done all this because he loves me so much and didn't want to deny me the opportunity to try. However, that all started of course with ttc naturally but as soon as we moved on to treatment it really started to freak him out and that's when he really started to dig his heals in; even when I was just on Clomid! So to get him as far as IVF and even DE IVF is amazing and I am eternally grateful to him for pushing himself so far out of his comfort zone for me, I think that just proves how much he loves me. So even though I knew it wasn't really what he wanted I thought (maybe naively?!) that he'd be 'happy' to try with the 3 frozen embryos. Once they'd gone, successful or not, I would have accepted that as the end - as hard as that would have been. But now I know he really doesn't want to use them I sort of don't see the point of pushing him even further when he's already done so much for me. I'm scared it'll be one step too far and it may tip him over and our marriage will go down the plug hole?! 

Who knows, I guess I just have to leave it for now and see how we both feel in a few weeks, and have both had our counselling appointments.

xxx


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## Maisyz

Nosilab hun. I think it's good that you're seeing the counsellor and hope it helps you find a way forward. This whole IVF jourey is just so hard at times. I know there have been lots of times where I've ended up in a right state and been adamant I just can't take anymore but managed to pick myself up. IVF just takes over your life completely and utterly some days, it's like some massive monster that swallows you up. It's hard not to lose a sense of self, of having fun of sometimes just having a laugh. It really is no wonder anyone says I just can't take it anymore some days. Perhaps this is what he's ging through but you know him best x

I know from my perspective that our journey will probably end fairly soon, even after all the surgery and everything I think carrying on for much longer with my own eggs would very sadly be pointless and DE is def not for me. I've already decided though that I want to look at fostering and/or adoption and I don't see this as second best or compromise but something really positive. Way I see it is there are kiddies out there who need ladies like us, we've been through the mill and come out the other side, stronger, tougher and determined as hell and taht's what these kiddies need, they've had parents who failed them and let them down  so we'd be just what they need.

Anyway chat it all through with the counsellor and hubby and see what the future may bring. Maybe just spend some time having some fun for a bit
Good think with frosties and DE is you don't have a time pressure, you can pick things up again at a later date.

Will stop bobbinsing on with myself now I tend to do that, hugs to you and indeed anyone else who needs one. Somehow we'll get through it all.  x


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## Nosilab

Thank you Maisy    I think you're right, for the time being at least I need to concentrate on me and DH being happy together again, we need some fun in our lives and some 'us' time xxx


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## Maisyz

Morning Nosilab, hope you are OK.


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## Moonshadow_73

Just popping in to see how everyone is doing....

The counselling is a good idea, I've had some in the past and it can be a relief to be able to talk openly, it will probably help both you and your hb, even if he doesn't really want to see a talky head' (and let's face it, most men would probably be the same!). It sounds like he really loves you and that you have a strong relationship and together you *will* get through this.

Big hugs to all 

ps - Maisy - I've also spotted the Easter eggs making an appearance. It just seems so cruel, I've only just managed to finish off all the Christmas goodies! At least I have room in my choccy cupboard now...


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## Mooncat

Hi ladies, 

Not been on for a while, glad to see we all survived New Year! Ours was very quiet and very weepy (for me anyway), but stayed upbeat all over Christmas, so knew it was probably coming. 

Nosilab, big hugs to you honey  I agree with Maisy and Moonshadow that counselling definitely sounds like the right thing for you both. It's such a hard journey, and different for all couples. I expect deciding where to draw the line is one of the toughest decisions, so needs lots of careful consideration. But as Moonshadow says, you guys sound like you have a really strong relationship, so you'll support each other through. We're always here for you whenever you need to talk or share or get things off your chest 

I've just booked counselling too, figured it can't do any harm, and I definitely don't feel like either DH or me are coping as well as we could be. 

Hope everyone else is ok,     for 2013 ladies xxx


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## Nosilab

Hi ladies

Thank you for always being there for me 

I agree, re the counselling sessions, I've had loads over the past 2 years (she's probably sick of seeing me  ) but on the whole I have found them helpful. I've always wanted DH to have some sessions too, either with me or sessions on his own but he's always refused and just said "what good will it do?!". So for him to finally agree (if he really does stick to his word!) is a massive breakthrough, but I think it's only because he's now realised, like I did a long time ago, that this problem is far too big for us to deal with on our own. So whatever the outcome I'm pleased he's agreed to go. I'm just gutted that I have to wait until the end of the month until I see her, I could _really _ do with seeing her this week  This decision about when to stop treatment is the hardest decision ever, and I didn't think I'd be having to do it quite yet - if we didn't have our 3 embryos in storage I think I might find it slightly easier to come to terms with. That's where I hope the counsellor can help.

On a positive note, we had a bit of a 'movie marathon' yesterday! We went to see The Impossible and then The Hobbit - with a pub lunch in between! We had a really lovely day and I was glad to be out and about. But then I had a bit of a crash when I got home and sat on the sofa and cried - for no real reason, my emotions just plummeted. But, as least we had a nice day out together.

Anyway ladies, hope you're all feeling positive? Lots of good tx plans for this coming year? Sending lots and lots of    your way.

Can't believe those bloomin' Easter eggs are out already - I'm still ploughing my way through the Christmas chocs! How am I ever supposed to lose weight?!?! 

xxx


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