# Help!! How to get out of a virtual baby shower?



## Phatty (Jan 31, 2011)

Hi ladies,
sorry to sound so dramatic but I really don't know what to do and could use some helpful advice. The other day I was contacted by a distant relative saying her sister was pregnant and they were doing a surprise virtual baby shower for her and would I like to be added to a ******** planning group. I said congrats and sure (because what was I supposed to say without coming off as a complete butt). I was truly happy for her but had/have no intention on "attending" this shower nor do I want to be part of this ******** group. We've lost touch for awhile and I didn't even hear from her about this pregnancy. I really don't like feeling forced to do anything I genuinely don't want to and have finally started taking care of myself more and so why should her or their feelings count for more than mine? 
So as you can see I'm in a bit of a pickle. Hope someone can give me their 2 cents worth.

Thanks!


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## Artypants (Jan 6, 2012)

Hi Phatty

Oh that is awkward, can you just say you have a lot of work commitments at the moment and don;t think you will have any spare time to commit ti anything else, just be evasive, I think its a bit cheeky to ask you if you are not that close, I don't think you need to give her chapter and verse why you can't help.

Good luck x


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## snowdropwood (Jan 24, 2016)

HI, glad to hear about self care , I think if this was me I  would contact again and say on reflection this is not for me at this time. I don't know your situation, or if these people know your situation, but anyone going through fertility issues doesn't need any more stress or pain than they already have...speaking for my self any way. I have several neighbours around the time of birth / newborns and at times I need to give that space and at other times it is nice to chat and congratulate them. Anyway ,i just think it is perfectly fine to decline / change your mind on this one.  xx


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## StrawberrySundae (Jan 30, 2017)

You definitely don’t have to do it. Your feelings and situation is just as important as theirs and I agree about self care 😊 x


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## Qpmz (Apr 16, 2018)

I wouldn’t even think twice, I’d just say congrats but can’t make it that night. No need to give a reason.


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## Mummyfairy (Mar 1, 2013)

Same as Qpmz or just don't reply. Could have been sent on a round robin type thing especially if you are not close with the relative.


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## Phatty (Jan 31, 2011)

Thank you all so much. I've just told her I'll most likely be working that day and that I hope it goes well. And I've exited stage left from the planning group which felt freeing. There's a little bit of guilt but I know this is the right thing for me.

Thanks again for the great advice and support. I'd usually ask my sister but she's got a little one and pregnant with her second and she doesn't get it.


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## snowdropwood (Jan 24, 2016)

HI, well done - I can imagine that your sister does not understand , mine don't really either, all very allien to them tbh. Self care is the way to go, saying no , doing nourishing things ( not always good at that my self though am cuddling my purring cat atm, bestest wishes xx


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## MissMayhem (Feb 24, 2013)

Well done Phatty, you must prioritise yourself.  I'm the other side of things now as have an amazing little girl via adoption who has filled my heart and life in more ways I ever thought possible.  The trauma of infertility takes a long time to heal from though and, you're right, very few people who've not experienced it get it, so well done for looking after your own needs.  I've done it myself, told some friends in the middle of my journey that I couldn't be involved in shower for a friend's granddaughter!  Even though I explained why they still didn't get why it would be painful for me so if you can't be blunt in future then use the same trick, don't waste your energy on other people's needs.xx  Take good care.xx


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