# Anyone else for Matching Panel & Introductions in August? **INTROS STARTED**



## mafergal

Now we are in July I feel I'm ok to start this thread    Our MP is scheduled for the 12th with Intros to start on the 18th. It seemed so far away a few weeks ago but now it feels like it will be here in no time. I hope there will be a few of us going through this around the same time x


----------



## Barbados Girl

Congrats! We have mp on 29 July and intros start wc 18 August due to sw holiday. Am being very good and trying not to buy anything until after mp!


----------



## Dawn7

Glad u started this thread Mafergal and I agree it is July after all lol

Wish it was the 1st August haha

So as u know we're at MP the day before u and we've been told we'll meet LO on the 15th, have another planning meeting on the 18th and then start intros on the 19th  All being well, fingers crossed!

Barbados girl - So you'll be at panel about 2 weeks before us and then starting about the same time, we'll be able to share  our intro experiences. Our LO's foster carers are lovely so hopefully we'll enjoy our intro's.
We've been told we're ok to start buying things, as bed room has to be ready as we have to do a dvd and also they need to be done for the welcome books  Haven't put anything together yet and with me working every other weekend, leaves me with 3 weekends eek!

Also have either of u given notice into work yet?

Also are u using the Tomy talking photo album to introduce yourselves to LO's, we had a nightmare getting 2, everyone's pretty much sold out. Stress I didn't need lol

Anyway hoping more people join us soon and the next 6 weeks fly by xxx


----------



## mafergal

Hi barbados girl, looks like the 3 of us have intros the same week   How are you managing not to buy anything? We didn't until we were linked but like Dawn we need to room ready to do the photo book to hand over at MP & then intros would be less than a week after.

We have pretty much sorted the bedroom now, have essentials like buggy, car seat, stair gates and a fire guard.  We've got a trip to Ikea to look forward to to get some shelves, toy storage and bits and bobs and then I think that is it until after we meet the foster carers to get specific things for him like feeding utensils, toiletries and toys as we want to match things to what he is used to and see what he will be bringing with him.

Today we got some plans through for support from the placing LA.  We get a little settling in grant (which I wasn't expecting) and they confirmed they will pay our fuel to attend meetings/intros and will pay for our accommodation.  We meet with our SW on Fri and she is bringing lots of forms for us to sign.  We will also meet our new SW... kind of sad as we love our SW but she is going on maternity leave end of July and so sadly won't be part of this bit of our journey.  But she wants to be kept in the loop and will come and visit us when she is back at work.

Dawn, I gave notice to my work last week.  My boss already knew and technically I don't have to tell them anything until we are officially matched but I have no issue with this.  They still can't really do anything official until they see a matching cert though. I don't like the idea of that as I'd like to know my pay is sorted before I finish work.

Not sure what we are doing for a photo album, we are making a handmade one & then wanted to another one like the tomy or some kind of interactive album that's really tactile. It's hard to decide for this age. We'll discuss it with our SW's on Fri I think  

It's all very exciting x


----------



## Dawn7

Mafergal - I think ur thinking the same way as me and DH, we have had to decorate (for photos and dvd) and we have almost finished the bedroom. We put up the cot and toddler bed last night and im getting really excited now.
We've ordered wall stickers so the boys have their name above their beds and have ordered a door plaque (which came today). We also get a settling in grant, we've been told the paperwork is on its way out to us and to be honest we didn't expect this either.
Mafergal ur lucky that u just have to do a photo album, we have to make a dvd  We're thinking about doing the tomy book about us and the house and then making a mini book with things we like to do as a family.

Have either of u started ur part of the APR?

I'm taking a letter into work tomorrow, I have no idea what i'll be paid or when or even if they know lo so tomorrow will be very interesting.

Barbados girl - U need to start buying lol 

Bye for now xx


----------



## weemoofrazz

Hi guys can we join you please! 

We have MP on Aug 7th but no date as yet to start intros due to a difficult legal situation  

We've been told late Sept at the earliest but may be as long as early 2015! Were finding it super hard not to buy anything and weird looking at rooms which are just about ready but not knowing when the boys will be in them. 

So far though we have bought a few 'generic' things, kids coat hangers, kids books, play-doh, night lights and a wooden train set! It's the poor grandparents to be that are finding it harder than us not to buy anything!


----------



## Barbados Girl

See, this is my concern. How am I meant to make the intros DVD if his room is empty!? Although saying that my super generous friends are throwing me a shower a few days after panel and they all want to get me stuff. My friend who is organising the event has made me give her a gift list so I may well save a packet if I wait!


----------



## Jacks girl

Hey all glad to hear things are going well. Just to let you know if you didn't that Kiddicare have a sale on and also, Aldi are launching their baby event again xxx


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Barbados Girl - We were under strict instruction not to buy anything until the planning meeting, we then got the go ahead and I think the room is practically ready now. We're so organised lol
A baby shower sounds good and yes will definitely save u some pennies, bonus. But very nice of ur friends 

Weemoofrazz - MP on the 7th Fab! shame u don't know when ur looking to get the boys. We haven't been told when we're getting youngest LO but have been told within 3 months of placing the eldest LO. Hope u here something soon date wise, have they told u when they'll be able to tell u?

Jacks Girl - Kiddicare is amazing! everything we've purchased has been really good quality. DH got a call from his dad and he said  Aldi have a lot of bay things in stock, including safety gates and toys. May head there at weekend 

Mafergal - I gave my notice in at work today, don't know what happens when I finish work, how or what i'll be paid but hoping that they'll tell me soon. Hope ur meeting goes well tomoz  

xx


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, thanks for the post Jacks Girl.  I got a few things in the kiddicare sale last week but didn't know about the Aldi event so may pop along there this weekend.

Welcome weemoofrazz! Hope your intros do actually take place this year (sooner the better).  I was reading a post a few days ago on here about Scotland LA's virtually shutting down over the summer because of the commonwealth games? Not sure if this is an exaggeration or is actually affecting things.

Dawn, finding out my adoption leave rights and pay was one of the first things I did   Luckily I get quite a good package, full pay for 6 months, stat pay for 3 months and then 3 months unpaid.  Until they get the matching certificate nothing official gets done which is worrying me a bit as we're likely to get this during intros which could be as little as 7 days long and then I will be on adoption leave. Luckily I have lots of saved leave so my adoption leave can start on placement day otherwise I'm not sure what would happen if I'd needed it for intros.

As for the APR, not sure if we have or not (what does it stand for?).  We got a list of about 5 questions to answer such as why we can meet the needs of this child, our thoughts on proposed contact etc.  We have lots of forms to sign at our meeting later and our SW says all the paperwork has to be in and signed by 9th July and that she has finished her report.

Right, better be off to start another tidying mission for this afternoon x


----------



## Dawn7

Mafergal - I think what u have is ur APT, I think it stands for Adopters parental report

We have a meeting next Thursday, so hope to get ours then.

I think I need to speak to my manager about the package I'll be getting, I've tried asking twice already and I feel they have no idea. Will try again next week haha

I think our SW has to complete her report for the 14th  

just over 5 weeks for us to go till we reach MP

Keep us posted on what ur doing with ur photo albums as I need ideas lol xx


----------



## flickJ

Mind if I join you?  

We have our matching panel on the 29th July, and then intros are due to start on the 18th August ( due to the FC going away for two weeks)

Sounds very much like you, Barbados girl - annoying to wait that long from matching, but I totally understand it just wouldn't be fair on the child.  

Our LO is slightly older (6yo pink), and yesterday we had a Life Appreciation Day for her. We met her FC, respite FC, teacher and Reviewing Officer. 

We were told to go ahead and contact the school, and it seems so strange to have contacted school admissions to arrange for her to be transferred in September to a school near us.  

We have filled in all the paperwork, and it has gone in to the panel. It needed to be in three weeks before panel, but then panel was delayed by a week.  The part we filled in was nothing to worry about, the whole form is mainly filled in by LO's SW and your SW  

I afraid I can't help you on the work side of things, as I am at home all the time as I am classed as having a medical condition that makes me unable to work. Hubby is taking intros off and then, when she is at school, he will be working from home.  

I am busy re-doing the Family book that we prepared for panel, and adding a few more pictures that are more specific for this child. This is because we ended up with a child older than we where recommended for


----------



## mafergal

Hi guys, 

welcome Flick, another set of intros at the same time  

Thanks Dawn, our SW has just referred to her report and our questions but that's what it must be. 

We met our new SW on Fri, she seems really nice but still a bit gutted we loose our SW for matching.  We signed all out paperwork for MP and that is being submitted to panel today.  We discussed the photo book and what to put in it and both agreed that simple was best so we aren't going to get the Tomy book.  We've got an A4 black craft book and then bright fuzzy felt letters and we are just going to put in photos of us, our dog, our house, garden, his bedroom, the bath, us in our cars.  We'll also put in other patches of material for texture such as some brown fur for our dog and soft bubble foam for the bath etc.  We will also put the transition toy in all the photos.


Hope you are all well x


----------



## Dawn7

Welcome FlickJ 

Looks like we will all be at intros around the same time lol Nice that we won't be doing it alone haha

Just wondered how u filled the paperwork in, did u discuss why these children, how you'll meet their needs, did u discuss ur experience with children and how much did u write, did u sound cheesy?

Also did u write your name rather than saying I, for example

Me and .... feel that we can meet ...... needs by.....

or 

Dawn and (DH's name) feel that we can me ..... needs by .....

Only asking as if I write it and say Me, it looks like DH hasn't said anything but if I write our names, if feels like someone else has written it, if that makes sense?

Think I'm over thinking things as per usual, but I just want to write something that helps us get these little boys 

Hope the weeks are flying by for u all and we have about 3-5 weeks before we all know and get that YES again.

5 weeks today for me and u Mafergal xx


----------



## mafergal

We didn't write loads.  The first question on our was 'How will you meet the needs of this child?' And we started with; 'We feel we can meet *** needs because...'  We wrote 1-2 paragraphs per question.  When we answered them we had no idea how much we should/shouldn't write (I felt like we should have written more) so when we submitted them we asked if we needed to make any amendments but our SW said what we did write was great.

5 weeks will fly by Dawn! It's also 4 weeks today when I finish work until Sep 2015! Feels very strange  

x


----------



## flickJ

Hope you are all well and the waiting is not too bad -

Dawn7 - Regards the questions on the report, I wrote about a paragraph of two for all the questions, as Mafergal did. Not going into too much detail, but just general things. It helps to use the "buzz" words we had  been hearing through this process  

Although I was the one who filled in the report, I always wrote "we" or "us"  in the report, and I thought it sounded better than writing our names. It personal preference    

I tend to over think things, too, whereas DH is more "go-with-the-flow". I am sure it will be fine however it is written.

Mafergal - So glad your new SW is nice.

We still do not know which SW will be with us at Matching Panel   

We changed SW just before Approval Panel as the old one went of sick (the manager stepped us to help us at panel) then our new SW went of sick just before linking, so we got the Old one back but she is not available for panel.

We are created our own photo book with stickers in, weirdly it was quite good fun doing it although I did feel a bit strange walking round the local park with a teddy bear   

When we took it to the beach to photograph, we did have to explain to one little girl, who thought the teddy bear had been left, that Teddy was on holiday


----------



## Dawn7

Thanks for ur help girlies 

My SW has read through what we've done and after a couple of changes we're pleased with what we've written. We're awaiting to read what family finder has written so we can make further comments.

Also we're looking to pick up the dvd recorder this week, looks like we'll be making our dvd next weekend

We know LO likes the nursery rhythm row row row ur boat, so we've bought a book, so one of us can read for the dvd, we'll get foam letters for the bath and will also be putting soft toy in the dvd, dotted about.

My neighbours are going to be wondering what the hell is going on haha

We also finished off LO's room now, just over 4 weeks to go and still have quite abit to do. We have been told to just get the 1 car seat for now, so need to do that. We also need to look to put all the health and safety equipment into place, do the dvd and photo albums (we also need to take pics for this).

What have u all got left to do? (thinking I may of forgotten something) 

Me and DH went shopping earlier, have my nieces 1st birthday and her christening coming up, so bought some pressies and couldn't help but buy another few bits for LO's. It was weird buying for a little girl instead of boys haha

We also looked at boy clothing too today, didn't buy anything but cant wait to go out and buy a new wardrobe full of little man clothes eek!

Hoping u all have nice plans over the coming weeks, to help time pass as quickly as possible xx


----------



## Dawn7

4 weeks today for us

4 weeks tomorrow for u Mafergal 

Weemoofrazz - 3 weeks and 3 days

Barbados girl and Flick J - 2 weeks and 1 day

(think these times are right lol)

Exciting times!!! xx


----------



## flickJ

Dawn, you are right, very exciting for all of us  

I'm finding it so hard not to say too much to anyone as regards LO until everything has been confirmed (so as not to jinx anything  )

We had our DVD done by the LA last Saturday - and we both found it about the hardest thing we have ever done   We were both totally out of our comfort zone, and I just smiled stupidly at the camera whilst holding the Teddy Bear   

At least that is done, and apart from a few photos for the album, we have got everything ready   

Next week, DH is going away with work to Greece so he has something to take his mind off things, and I need to organise the programme for Scouts for next September when we re-open,  so I am trying to keep myself busy for the next few weeks  

There is not a lot I can do as regards shopping, etc. as she is of an age when she can choose a lot of things herself, like clothes, toys, bedding and she already has a lot of things (we have been warned by the FC  )


----------



## weemoofrazz

Hi all

Due to both sets if SWs being on holiday we're still waiting for confirmation of our date for panel! In the interim were doing both boys intro books and not looking forward to doing the DVD! 

Were eagirly awaiting the boys SW report and more photos that we've been promised. 

We're finding it very hard not to buy anything! For just now we've stuck to 'generic' items like kids clothes hangers, the beds, books and DVDs. My parents are the worst and the long wait isn't playing out too well for them, it's not easy when your matched and good to go but just don't know when intros will finally start! 

Like you Dawn7 we need to get all our safety stuff in place. 

Marfergal so glad your new SW is nice and that you get on. Flick J, I hope you find out soon which SW will be at panel with you.


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, hope you are all well! Our new SW is nice but we found out the other day that she is on leave for the intros dates. My heart dropped but it was quickly followed up with her boss would take over for then. Apparently it's just so we have someone to speak to if we need it & she will contact us each evening. So we have another meeting at the end of the month to meet her.

Dawn, thanks yes 4 weeks today! I'm gradually ticking things off of the to do list. Finished LO's room, just awaiting his name in wooden letters to be delivered & we are done. I love it, can't help going in each time I pass it. I also fitted the fireguard (massive open fire place) & safety gated. When DW finishes work next week we have an office & conservatory (currently dumping grounds) to tidy & several trips to the tip to get done. We've amassed so much cardboard with all these deliveries  

Weemoofrazz, I hope you get confirmed dates soon! Ate they back from leave soon or do you have a wait for that to? SW:s shouldn't be allowed leave  

Flick, so glad we are not doing a dvd! I would be exactly like you. Not done our book photos yet but I'm already dreading that as I hate having my photo taken.  I'm also trying hard not to say much but it's so hard as everyone at work now knows I finish work in 3 weeks & why so they naturally want to ask me things.

Hope things are good with you Barbados girl.

x


----------



## Barbados Girl

Dawn, you are fab at remembering dates! It is indeed TWO WEEKS to panel. Crazy with excitement. 

Flick, I feel your pain! We are doing the Talking Tomy and large laminated photos and it took us five hours of agonising over what photos to take! We are going to make a DVD after panel when we have decorated the nursery. We are also going to sleep with a blanket and a cuddly toy for a week before panel to get our scent on it and then give it to him.

Exciting times, all. How are you passing the time between now and panel. I am trying to distract myself but am going nuts!


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi guys just popping by to congratulate you all on your matches and panel dates. I've been AWOL myself due to running around after a 14 month old! I tell you what girls I've discovered muscles I never knew existed!! 

Anyway wanted to wish you all well. Exciting times 😊

Xx


----------



## flickJ

Hunnibunni - so pleased to hear you are enjoying being a mum (even if it is exhausting  ) Thanks for the good wishes! Can't wait to join you 

Weemoofrazz - I do hope you get you're panel date confirmed soon   The wait must be killing you   

Mafergal - how awful to find out that your SW will be on leave during your intros, and it is excellent news that her manager is stepping in.  

We found out our new SW is back at work and will go to panel with us, then the original one will share the remaining meetings with her   We get on great with the new SW ( after all she found our daughter for us), but I am a bit gutted that original SW will not be with us  

Good luck with the waiting girls, hope it's not too stressful


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Hope ur all ok and keeping busy

Barbados girl - I try lol Less than 2 weeks now, are u excited! We've been told they'll be 16 people at panel and the timeframe is 45 mins. We are yet to get panel time, ive been told we'll hear about 7-10 days before hand, hope its early lol

I'm keeping busy with work, my NVQ lv 2(which I have nearly completed, should take a year and I've completed in 7 months), planning photo album and dvd (have to complete too), birthdays, seeing family and that's about it haha

Hunnibunni - Wowzers! I thought you'd been quiet, now we know why. So ur LO is home, u must be so happy! Wishing u all the best for the future hun and thx for the help and support you've shown me during my journey  x

Flick - That's good news about ur sw, so you'll have 2 sw's at panel, the more back up the better

Mafergal - Shame ur sw cant be their for yours, do u know her manager well? I'm sure it wont do u any harm though, but im sure you'd want her there.

No updates from me, apart from awaiting our APR, we just have to read through what family finder and our sw have written, comment and then sign it off.

xx


----------



## Barbados Girl

We did our Talking Tomy book last night! Anyone else feel like a real wally doing it!?


----------



## Dawn7

Barbados girl - Don't say that lol we've yet to do ours and a dvd (which we're both totally dreading)

SW said maybe have a drink first before recording dvd, she said stick to the 1 though as u don't want to be slurring haha

Tried taking photos of my living room and I can hardly see the teddies in the background - thinking about taking photos with me and DH in the rooms too, so the pictures have more going on lol

Not long until ur at panel either, are u all set and is it this weekend that u have ur baby/adoption shower?

xx


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, thanks for your post hunibunni! I read your posts during intros & it was lovely to read.

Not much to report at my end. We're not doing a talking book or dvd (thank goodness) so can't help you with that one, although the drink beforehand sounds like a must 

We have totally finished LO's room now & I've started having these weird dreams that the placement order gets overturned. I was up early hours of the morning trying to google how they can be revoked & how long it would take. It's thrown me a bit because it's not something that's entered my head before & I hate having negative thoughts  

As for our new SW's boss, no never met her before so our meeting at the end of the month will be the first time.

Hope you all have a good weekend x


----------



## Barbados Girl

Dawn, seriously dude, you are like rainman, I really wish I had your head for dates!

You are quite right, panel in 11 days- who's counting    and shower in 15 days.

Dawn- it took us five hours to do the photos and the ones of me are a bit crap because my husband is not v good with the camera! We then did the voice overs very quickly, it is a bit cringe playing them back.

Mafergal, I spend a lot of time terrified that it could all go wrong. Overturning placement orders is not something I had considered!


----------



## Macgyver

Dawn 7


We did a talking tomy book and DVD, a drink before hand does calm the nerves. If it's any help we had us in the rooms, hello ....... Look at daddy sitting in your chair in your room doesn't he look funny. And hello ...... Look at mummy in the kitchen, this is where you will have your dinner. Yada yada just might give you a few ideas


As for the DVD we showed the house and played hide an seek with a teddy which was his intro teddy. So daddy hid it behind a curtain or under a bed and ..... And mummy had to find it. We also read ........ A few bedtime story's so he got use to seeing our faces and hearing our voices.


Good luck to you all exciting times ahead xx


----------



## mafergal

Barbados Girl said:


> Mafergal, I spend a lot of time terrified that it could all go wrong. Overturning placement orders is not something I had considered!


Same here until that stupid bloomin dream! Would appear they are difficult to overturn from what I managed to find out x


----------



## flickJ

Hi girls,

How are you all doing? Nerves kicking in?  

We received our invite to panel on Saturday, 11:10 am - not to early in the morning as we have to travel for about an hour to get to where it is being held, but we didn't want it to late in the day either  

DH went away to Greece this morning, so I have a whole week  to focus on all those little jobs I want to catch up on and getting lots of rest and relaxing   (Not having to do the shopping, get his tea etc.)  I love him dearly, but its so nice to have the house to myself  

Keep calm girls, we are nearly there !!!!


----------



## Dawn7

Hi Girls,

Hope u all had a lovely and busy weekend, whilst I was working lol

Here I am again with an update to MP's, just so we know where we are and can get a little bit more excited and nervous 

Here goes - 

Barbados Girl - 29/7 - 8 sleeps to go eek! (down to single figures)

FlickJ - 29/7 - 8 sleeps to go (11.10 panel time)

WeemooFrazz - 7/8 - 17 more sleeps

Me (Dawn7) - 11/8 - 21 more sleeps

Mafergal - 12/8 - 22 more sleeps

Wowzers Barbados girl and FlickJ just over a week to wait, how fab!

I have no updates really, still awaiting sw and family finders part of the report so that we can comment and sign off. Im sure this has to be done by the 28/7 so hoping to here this week and to get the dreaded dvd recorder. Due to working most of the weekend, I haven't had time to do the tomy photo books yet.

Mafergal - I keep having dreams to, that we get a phone call saying the link has fallen through and also with everyone saying only 3 weeks until u finish fills me with dread  Again just going through the waves of this process, because we want this more than anything and we feel that these boys should be ours. Like urself I hate feeling negative, but glad u did some research and found its difficult to have it overturned at this stage, huge relief 

FlickJ - Fab news that u have ur panel time and with having to travel for an hour, you've not done bad. I don't blame u for wanting to rest and relax, u may get to do that with DH gone  Ive just booked a spa day, for next week I  get a welcome drink, a 15 min foot massage, a 30 min facial (with head massage) and a 30 min back massage, the 1st and last I think, no time for spa day's when we have children lol Due to my job, I thought I'd need this before starting motherhood .
Also love the keep calm we're nearly there comment, we are nearly there  

Barbados girl - 5 hours to do photos lol I can believe it, took me an hour to get a decent pic of me (hate having my photo taken) I don't think im hideous haha but I just don't take a good pic, unbelievably I think my wedding day was an exception. Anyway have u got ur time yet for MP?

Nice hearing about where ur all at, even ur worries really as I think we're all experiencing the same

xxx


----------



## mafergal

Hi guys, Flick how are you getting on with your week alone?  I've had the opposite, 4 solid days with DW now it's the school hols but I'm back to work tomorrow.  I can only imagine how you felt when you got your MP invite as I remember so clearly how I felt when we got out AP invite. It will be over with in a weeks time for you   Hope we get our invite soon and hoping our panel time is later in the day as we have a long way to travel.

Dawn I love your count downs! You are so on the ball! Glad to know it's not just me having these (unfounded) bad dreams, I don't mean I'm glad you are having them but I guess it's normal and just part of the process.  I know what you mean about people counting down for you, I love it on here but when it's people who only really know this piece of the story (people at work) and when it's people who are emotionally invested (family) I feel strange talking about about it and find myself minimising the whole thing... my line at the moment seems to be "we have to get through panel first".

We had a nice email from our new SW today with the FC contact details so we fired off an intro email so looking forward to getting a reply.  Spent the last 2 gorgeous days tidying up the garden and stripping the exterior of the chimney in preparation for painting it next week.  Also got out of the midday sun for a couple of hours and tidied out our office/dogs bedroom but it was waaaay too hot to tackle our junk room of a conservatory.  I think we may tackle our photos tomorrow  

Hope you have all been enjoying the sun x


----------



## weemoofrazz

Hello All,

apologies for never managing to get on the boards these days to post! Dawn your keeping track is a real help when I am awol! 

We have confirmed date for MP on Aug 7th, were just waiting on the time. We got our oldest boys FC contact details last week from the boys SW and we fired off an email just asking for a decent photo of him for his introduction book and a bit of advice as to how to decorate his room. 

The FCs emailed back at 12 midnight in the throws of packing to go off on a weeks holiday, bless. The obviously couldn't send photos as they were run ragged, however the foster dad sent through some lovely pictures of our oldest and one's he had of the boys together, their just fab and we can't stop looking at them! We got all the info on our eldest bedroom preference and have bought everything in earnest and are getting it all together this week. The FCs will take photos on holiday and send them to us when they get back, they are really lovely people! 

Were still waiting on our youngest FC to email us with ideas for his room and a decent photo for his book but hopefully we'll hear from them early next week. 

We've been frantic this week buying furniture, bedding, car seats etc etc. I've also had to go some and get both intro books finished and we need to do our DVD next weekend! 

It's weird just now as it's all go, yet after MP we know were back to standing still till the proof for the POAA is heard in Sept as children's panel won't agree to reduce contact with BPs or move the boys till the sheriff hears the proof's and makes his decision. It's going to be a really hard wait but we're going try to keep busy. 

Marfergal - I hope your panel time isn't first thing am with the distance you have to travel.

Dawn I hope you enjoy your spa day, sounds like an excellent plan for me after MP. 

To everyone else I hope everything is going well and wish everyone the best of luck!


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

So Barbados girl and FlickJ, ur week is finally hear  Are u both nervous? I'm glad u all don't mind my updates and countdown, I think its nice to know where everyone is upto. Good news too, its finally August later on in the week 

So......

Barbados Girl and FlickJ - 29/7 - 3 more sleeps!!!

Weemoofrazz - 7/8 - 12 more sleeps

Me - 11/8 - 16 more sleeps

Mafergal - 17 more sleeps

Hope you're all keeping busy, no news from us really apart from sw called to say she'll be sending our APR through when she can and will collect it to sign off early this week. We still need to do the dvd and photo albums and get stair gates and cars seats and then we're finally done. 

Mafergal - I have been enjoying the sun thx, although its hard work working in it lol Glad u managed to get some time off with DW and like yourself, we cant stop saying the same as u, when everyone's talking about the future "yes but we have to get through panel first". Although our sw did ask me how I was feeling this week and I said I just want to know and for MP day to be here, she said it'll be fine and not to worry, we wouldn't of gotten this far if i wasn't all positive, which bless her is exactly what I needed to hear 
Did u manage to take ur photos and get ur photo album done?

Weemoofrazz - Glad to hear your LO's foster families are lovely, so are ours. I think it will make intros so much easier and I'm looking forward to hopefully meeting them, all being well. I hope u don't have to wait to long to start ur intro's  its hard waiting.

FlickJ - Is ur DH back tomoz? I bet u cant wait to see him and with 3 more sleeps, how are u feeling?

Barbados girl - How are u too? Have u been given a time for panel yet? I'm hoping we get a time early August 

Enjoy ur weekends whatever ur upto xx


----------



## flickJ

Thanks Dawn   Weirdly, I am not nervous at all ......... at the moment (I am sure that will change on Tuesday)  

I just want it to be over, and to know that I am finally going to be a mummy   (Oh, that sounds so good  )

There has been some good news this week as I received a letter confirming that we have been offered a place at our preferred school, which is two minutes round the corner from us   

The dates for intros have not been confirmed yet  , we hope to learn more on Tuesday  

DH came back on Friday night   (he has been away since last Sunday  ) just chilling out now, getting ready for Tuesday

Barbados Girl - how are you?

Hope everyone is having a good weekend and making the most of the glorious weather


----------



## Barbados Girl

Hi All

Slightly crazy. Cannot wait for panel. Also, tough week our baby was taken into hospital and they have found a previously undiagnosed medical condition. I think the LA were concerned that we were going to pull out, our sw was v supportive and told us we could delay or reconsider the match.

I think they were all surprised when we told them our research had indicated that his in utero experiences had made him more prone to this condition and we had already researched it and factored it as a risk and we were most certainly not delaying the match. It is just so frustratingly slow getting info. The hospital he is in is round the corner from my office so have had to be very focussed on not turning up and begging for news! Not that I would but it is so odd he is so close!


----------



## mafergal

Hi guys, just popping on to wish Barbados Girl & Flick good luck & all the best for tomorrow! x


----------



## Dawn7

Hi Girls,

Same as Mafergal, just coming on to say good luck tomoz to Barbados Girl and Flick J

Barbados Girl - hope ur LO is ok, bless x

Will look forward to reading ur great news tomoz, when I get back from work eek!

P.S Our APR has been done and signed off 

xx


----------



## Macgyver

Good luck tomorrow Barbados Girl and Flick J xx


 Barbados girl hope lo gets well soon xx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Thanks guys! Baby boy is fine, he doesn't have the condition after all. We now just have to get through tomorrow! Xxx


----------



## flickJ

Thanks for your good wishes, girls  

So glad LO is OK, Barbados Girl and good luck for tomorrow


----------



## Barbados Girl

You too. Eek!


----------



## Barbados Girl

Big fat yes! They were lovely, very relaxed and very warm.


----------



## flickJ

Me, too    

Unanimous, which we were delighted about - should be ratified in a few days, then intros to come  

I agree, it was all very relaxed ( more than Adoption Panel) and everyone was so friendly

Congratulations, Mummy Barbados Girl


----------



## Barbados Girl

You too, mummy Flick!


----------



## Dawn7

CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU BOTH!

That's great news  Bet it was such a relief, what are u both going to do now?

Also for peace of mind (if u don't mind), how long were u in the room for, what happened, how long did u have to wait in the waiting room?

Weemoofrazz - You're next  

xxx


----------



## Barbados Girl

What am I going to do now, Dawn?  I am going to shop of course!

So we arrive approx 1 hr 45 mins early, wander around town.  The we run into ff sw, walk down the road with her, enter building and there is our baby's sw who is with our sw.  We all sit in a room, have a chat and then the panel head comes in, is perfectly lovely and tells us that the first question they are going to ask us is why him.  The sws then go in to be grilled by panel.  That bit lasted about 15-20 mins.  We then go in and they asked us:

1. Why him (and we made them laugh with this bit by basically saying he was bald and good looking like my husband- we said some serious stuff too!)
2. Whether we had thought about the uncertainties with his future development and how we would cope.
3. How we would support his culture/heritage (his sw surprised me at this by jumping in and basically telling the panel that his birth family's heritage was one thing and she was sure we would take that into account but at the end of the day our culture would become his.  I almost think she was telling them not to get too bogged down with it!) Anyway, so we didn't have much to say about that although I was primed and ready with my research.
4. They asked my husband if he was ready to be the primary carer.

We then toddled out, leaving the talking book etc. for them to look at and a few minutes later they came to give us the thumbs up.  The panel head then very casually said "What are you going to do about his name, keep it?"  We had wanted to broach this very subject (as it is completely distinctive and so a real safeguarding issue) but thought we would wait until after panel as it would be a massive deal and v unpopular.  Both the ff sw and his sw nodded encouragingly and said they had absolutely no issue with it and we should think about what we wanted to do.  So all in all, it was amazing.

Now, please excuse me I have a nursery to decorate!


----------



## mafergal

Congratulations Barbados girl & Flick! Fantastic news!  

Barbados girl your panel experience sounds great, I must admit I am already nervous about it but both of your descriptions have eased my nerves... a little   

Absolutely go get your nursery decorated & go mad hitting the shops. I really don't know how you have managed to reign it it for as long as you have  

Congratulations again ladies x


----------



## Dawn7

Doh! of course ur going to shop lol Have fun and enjoy decorating ur LO's nursery, decorating the nursery made everything seem more real 

Thanks for giving us an account of ur day, it seemed like a nice experience, so glad it was and enjoy ur baby shower x

Mafergal and Weemoofrazz - Hope ur both ok, August is upon us haha

FlickJ - I'm sure you'll of gone shopping too 

I spoke to our sw earlier in the week and our ff is meeting our eldest little one this week and I've been told what washing powder they us, so I can wash bedding etc. Also sleeping with eldest's teddy now too, glad I got a jelly cat toy as they aren't too big lol

XX


----------



## flickJ

Our panel day was not at all daunting or worrying  

We arrived about an hour before panel with our Sw, so went for a coffee and chatted. We wandered to the office for the meeting and arrived at about 10:50 (plenty of time for our 11:10 panel) but we were met by the chairperson who told us it was 11:00   

We all went in together, so we were in there about 30 mins.

They asked the Sw's why they chose us, and why we chose LO.
They enquired as to whether I thought my medical condition/disability was going to affect my parenting ability.
How we felt when we met her at an Activity Day ( DH and I just looked at each other smiled and so did all the panel)
How we intended to parent an older child

We all went to the waiting room while they looked at our Family Book, and then they called us in and told us the news. They read out what they would be recommending for ratification, as well as adding the panel's notes that we have shown complete commitment to the process due to my weight-loss (five and a half stone during the year of the adoption) to improve my health, setting up and running a Scout Group and re-homing and training our dogs   

We barely got out the door due to the size of our heads after that  

All in all, the day was excellent - but such a relief that it is over. Nothing to worry about, girls, I am sure it will only be a tick-box exercise for all of you  

Dawn - With LO being an older child and has been in care for a while, she already has lots and lots of toys, teddy bears etc. We have decorated her room neutrally so she can chose her own bedding, curtains, accessories (It will be fun shopping together) 

Keeping myself busy researching places we can go within our area (preferably free)


----------



## Barbados Girl

I keep looking at my photos of him.  He alternates between beaming joy and a very serious look of concentration in his photos.  Plus his cheeks and his fists are so chubby.  We are so so lucky to have found him and to have been chosen for him.  

I ordered all the decorative stuff for the nursery and then will wait to see what I get at the shower before buying the rest.  Our friends have been crazy generous- my boss is champing at the bit to order the pushchair tomorrow!  

How on earth am I going to get through the next 2 1/2 weeks of work?!


----------



## weemoofrazz

Brilliant news and congratulations Barbados girl & Flick  

Barbados that's so good that your friends and boss are all so supportive, let em buy I say! 

Thanks to both Flick and Barbados for your accounts of your panel day, we're up in just over a weeks time and are frantically working to get the boys introduction books finished and all their bedroom furniture built up etc! 

Can I ask if any of you guys did the 'superimposed family photo' at the end of your books? We don't know how to finish the books so to say. Our older lads book will actually continue to be used and expanded on once he's here, as we plan to put photos and information into each page before he's introduced to that person or people. 

We are up on Thursday next week at 10:15am till 11.00am, our social worker said we should be called through around 10:45am. 

Although things are hectic with us just now overall I will report on how panel goes and hopefully manage to be around more next week


----------



## flickJ

Hi guys,

Had an e-mail from the SW last night and the decision has been ratified   

Nothing can stop us now  

Weemoofrazz - not long now! only 4 sleeps  

Dawn and Mafergal - time is flying by   You'll be there in no time


----------



## mafergal

Hi guys, Flick thanks for sharing your panel experience! Also great news about your ratification, excellent news!  

Have you had fun shopping Barbados girl? Your LO sounds a little joy! Do you have long to wait for your baby shower? Sounds as   you have a lot of supportive friends & it will be wonderful.

Wee moo, it's nearly Thursday  We haven't done the superimposed thing in our book but then our LO is quite young at 14 months.

Dawn, how are things? 

We've been in contact with the FC last week, DW had a nice chat for about 30 mins. We now have an idea of what he will come with sk have been able to buy extra things. We did all our photos & have almost finished the book, just need to laminate some large 10x8 photos. We also met our new SW's boss who will be our contact for intros. That meeting could have gone a bit better. She obviously. Doesn't like how forward thinking the LA are in that they have already given us a plan for intros. She was talking about putting them back a few days because they hadn't discussed them with us or our SW & that was what the planning meeting was for. Bit annoyed because the LA have done us a favour as they knew an Aug panel would help us & due to the time of year they needed to book our accommodation. Changing the days could cost the LA more money & that is if the accommodation is available. We made it clear we were happy with the arrangements so hopefully things will stay as they are.

Feels so surreal that we are now in Aug. I have just 2 1/2 shifts left in work  

x


----------



## Barbados Girl

Just had my shower. Speechless at the generosity of my family and friends. Weighed down with goodies and very, very blessed that everyone is so full of acceptance and love. It may be partly that there was no annoying pregnant person and we could all get hopelessly drunk


----------



## becs40

Ah Barbados Girl what a lovely post to read first thing today! Glad you had a lovely time and you're right that is a serious plus point to adoption, being able to enjoy a drink with your friends! 😉
It sounds like you're having great fun nesting. I hope your little man will soon be there with you.


----------



## Dawn7

Hi girls, 

Hope ur all having a nice weekend and a better week than me lol

Had an awful week, found a stray dog, had to pay £400 to get my car sprayed due to being keyed (returning my car and will be using hubby's car in future), returned my car to Renault and the charged me £940 due to excess mileage and then have an extra shift at work to do tonight. 

Anyway hopefully only 5 more shifts as of tomorrow and 8 more sleeps until panel 

Weemoofrazz- 4 more sleeps for u

Mafergal - 9 more sleeps for u

FLickj - glad to see u had a nice experience too, I'm hoping for the same for us , Weemoofrazz and Mafergal  
It must be a great feeling knowing that it's real and u have ratification and time is flying, so yeah not long x

Weemoofrazz - not long to go now! Hope ur not feeling too nervous and the excitement is kicking in 
Will look forward to reading about ur experience too x

Mafergal - it is feeling surreal now, we just need that yes now!
Sorry to hear ur meeting didn't go as well as planned, hope there's no delays for u, it'd be so bad to do that at this point, do they not think you've been through enough. fIngerscrossed the plans stay the same for u both. We're about the same stage as u, nursery and larger items all bought and safety features are all in place. It takes so time getting used to the stair gates and safety catches lol just seeing stairs gates in the house feels weird but makes everything so real now.
Have u got ur time for panel yet? We're waiting to hear 
Also sw wants us to see an in agency therapist to discuss our emotions on becoming parents, should of been done at prep but the therapist was off, so she's looking to do a home visit and is looking to even see us on panel day, what a stressful time lol
Also we're yet to make our dvd, our sw was going to drop it off last week but looks like it'll be this week now and we've taken photos for photo albums just need to put everything together, but we'll be fine.

Barbados girl - you have lovely friends, sounds like u had a good day and a baby shower where u can all have a drink is ace lol looking forward to hearing how yours and flickj's intros go, that's next for u guys 

Xxx.


----------



## Petite One

Just wanted to say congratulations to Barbados Girl and flickJ.  

Good luck to everyone too.


----------



## flickJ

Thanks, Petite One   

All good here, just trying to keep myself busy    SW is visiting us today, just to touch base and see how we are doing - we still haven't had confirmation of where and when the planning meeting is, what the timings are for the intros or anything definite for the eighteenth  

We are happy to just go-with-the-flow (I think SW wants everything in black and white, though)  

Weemoofrazz - Best of luck for tomorrow, I know you will be fine   

Dawn - I am so sorry you have had such a rotten time, but look at it this way - things can only get better (and they definitely will)  

Hang on in there, everyone - we'll all be there soon


----------



## Dawn7

Just popping on to say good luck Weemoofrazz  xxx


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, sorry not been on a for a little while, it's been a busy week.  I had my last day at work on Monday, it was so surreal and it's still not really sunk in that I won't be going back for over a year.  All my colleagues were lovely and I got a signed card from them all, a collection and some gifts so it was a really nice day.  We also had our life appreciation day on Tuesday and it was really lovely to meet all the people who know LO and hear them speak about him. I don't think I stopped smiling through the meeting hearing about him and his little quirks and listening to his FC speak about him.  They were all lovely and really helped to put my mind at rest about panel next week.  We had a gap for lunch and it was nice to go for a meal with our new SW and get to know her a bit better and speak to her about the process.

Barbados girl, you obviously have some wonderful friends and family. Glad you had a lovely time and that so many people got to share in your happiness  

Dawn what an awful few days for you! I hate the excess milage clause on cars, it gets me nearly every time.  I think a year off work will help bring me below or at least about level this time   I think 'surreal' is my most used this past few weeks, it's a bit like I'm watching everything play out in a dream or movie and nothing feels real at the moment.  just can't wait to meet him!  We got our official panel invite yesterday but we were told about it at the LAD.  We are 13:20 and then have the planning meeting after.  Do you have your time/invite yet? If not I'm sure you will by the end of the week.  

Flick, that's great that your match is now ratified   Hope you hear something soon about planning meeting and intros.

Good luck Weemoo! I Hope panel goes/has gone amazingly well for you today! x


----------



## weemoofrazz

Hello everyone!

Our panel was fab and we got a unanimous YES! As others have done before me for those who will be going after me, here's how our day went;

We were scheduled to be up in front of the panel at 10:45am, the SWs at 10:15am. We arrived at 10am, grabbed a coffee and went to the allocated side room. The boys SW was already there with another SW who had been up at panel with their adopters before us and she was very nice as she left, wishing us luck and told us it was a lovely panel today! 

We had our family intro books with us and the transition cuddlies. The boys SW started looking through our youngest's book and stated he would love it, it was perfect for him. It was a little less than perfect and more like a bit cringe worthy for DH and I to sit there while she pressed play on every page to hear our dulcet tones and the two of us sounding like kids TV presenters! 

Our SW arrived and just as that the chair of the panel came through to fetch them both. It was the same chair we had at approval panel and she was lovely and welcoming as she had been previously. Both the social workers looked visibly nervous but DH and I weren't at this point. 

They ended up being away for what felt like an age, in reality it was just 25 minutes but god it had is a bit worried for a moment! The chair and our SW came back to get us and she explained that they had been a while with the workers, not because there was much to say about the match but because panel wanted an update on the boys as it had been a year and half since they last knew of them. She asked that we take our books and cuddlies for all the panel to have a look through. We went in to a lovely open room and recognised 3 or 4 of the panel members as having been at our approval panel. 

The chair went round the table for introductions and the books started making their way down either side of the large oval table. Our SW and the boys SW were seated at the top closest to us but alas all eyes were on us! 

The chair said that they really just wanted to hear from us, rather than them asking a lot of questions. She them asked us to talk them through how we felt and what happened from when our SW initially told us about the boys. We did just that and had a few laughs along the way whilst there was a lot of ahhhh, ohhhh noises coming from the panel members who were looking through the books! 

The chair next asked us about how we felt regarding the information that we received from everyone that we had a chance to talk to including the legal and medical advisers and both sets of FCs. She asked if there was anything that we had been told that was a concern for us. We spoke about how we felt we had received really comprehensive information on the boys and how useful it was to have the chance to discuss things with the medical adviser. We spoke mostly about the FCs and the information that they had given us, plus the good relationship that we had developed with them over the few weeks leading up to panel. We essentially said that some of the information we had been given about the boys identified developmental delay's had made us think long and hard about whether or not we could cope in a worst case scenario. We said that after we knew that we could there was no looking back for us! 

The chair next asked us how we felt about the difficult legal situation that the boys have and how that would impact on us should it cause significant delays, she made reference to work and our families. We spoke about the fact that when we decided to commit to these boys we were fully head and feet in and no turning back. If there were delays, so be it, it wouldn't be easy and we would need a great deal of patience, but at the end of the day the boys would always still need a home and that home was with us. 

No more questions after that, just a few really lovely comments about our books which we were asked to leave behind for the panel to look at further. As we left the room to go back to the waiting room the medical adviser stopped us and said that she just wanted to say that she had sat on panels for many a year but she hadn't seen such fantastic intro books for a long long time!  

We went back and waited and then in came our SW with the chair who sat down and said congratulations, as it was the last time it's a unanimous yes for you guys to be the parents for these two boys! The chair then went onto say that when they looked at our strengths and the boys needs the panel felt that this was an excellent match and she shook our hands and our SWs and wished us all the best for parenthood  

We were so happy! Next in trot's the boys SW holding the cuddlies and proclaiming that she was soooo happy we were now the boys parents! We all got a drink of water and drew breath and then sat down again to have a quick chat about what happens next. The decision should be ratified by the end of next week and the boys SW told us of a big development in the legal situation of the boys. 

Their BD who had been delaying and appealing against the POAA for the last 18 months no longer had legal representation as they had now refused to continue representing following an independent assessment of contact that was again negative and was the third and final attempt to get any credible supporting data for BD. BDs solicitor had advised him not to go on with the appeal and that it was futile and not in the best interests of the boys. BD has agreed not to continue contesting and actually told the boys SW when she mentioned having found adopters for the boys that he was in a way happy about that as it would mean the boys could finally be together.  

The boys SW asked if we would be amenable to a face to face meeting with the BPs and we agreed saying that this had always been something we were willing to do. BM who was planning to contest has never been able to get legal representation and now that BD is backing off SS think she will too. There is a pre-proof meeting later this month at which time the sherriff will hopefully grant the POAA and then it's all stations go! We were told to prepare for intros in a months time or just over that 

Then at the end the boys SW delivered the bad news that she was leaving by the end of the month . Our SW asked her if she was joking but alas she definately wasn't and now we will have to do transition without such an important person in the boys lives. Were trying to remain positive about it though and our SW has said that he might have to be more involved now, which although isn't the norm he has met our boys and they really liked him so it might help a bit. 

Well people I have rambled on long enough and now off for the weekend it's time for the wine!

I'd like to say a huge thank you to everyone for their kind wishes and support, it means a lot to us. I'd also like to say best wishes for Mafergal and Dawn, you guys will rock!


----------



## Petite One

Weemoofrazz a big congratulations.    What wonderful news to hear. You enjoy your weekend of wine. I hope the legal situation gets sorted quickly and the boys come home soon.  

May I ask what did you put in the intro books that they liked so much? 

Well done again. You must be feeling exhausted and elated at the same time.


----------



## flickJ

Congratulations, Weemoofrazz 

Fantastic news that both boys will soon be coming home to you, and you will be a complete family


----------



## Dawn7

Weemoofrazz - congratulations! A mummy at last 

It's nice to hear that u too had a nice experience at panel lol fingers crossed ur intros start soon glad BD has backed off, hope BM does the same.

Me and mafergals turn next week eek!

Mafergal, I  have our panel time now 12pm on Monday, was hoping for 6am lol I have found out that we no longer  have to do a dvd whoop! We also have a meeting that afternoon to make arrangements to meet eldest LO as all being well, we meet him a week today  hope this weekend flies by.

Enjoy ur weekends and speak soon xxx


----------



## flickJ

Good luck tomorrow, Dawn - you'll be fine, I have such a good feeling  

Can't wait til you post the good news


----------



## Barbados Girl

Good luck, Dawn xxx


----------



## Petite One

Good luck Dawn7.


----------



## mafergal

WeeMoo!  And thanks for such a comprehensive run down of your panel experience! Really helpful to read everyone's so far when you are on the countdown yourself  

Barbados girl and Flick, hope time is flying by counting down to intros!

Dawn, glad you got your panel time with a few days to spare   Masses of good luck for you later today (not that you will need it), I will be thinking about you as at that time we'll be packing our car up and getting ready for our journey on Tuesday.  Looking forward to hearing how it goes!  Hope the planning meeting afterwards goes well too!

Take care all x


----------



## Dawn7

Well guess who's awake and feeling a bit sick lol Dh is up as he couldn't sleep, bless him. I got up for an hour at around 3 am this morning, just thinking about the questions we'll be asked 

Thank you all for all ur we'll wishes and positive thinking. We know these boys are for us I just hope we can make panel see it too.

I will let u all know how it goes and mafergal u have this tomorrow  

Thanks again xxx


----------



## flickJ

I feel like I have a repeat post, here, but ............ 

Good luck for tomorrow, Mafergal     You'll be fine and become the Mummy you deserve to be  

(Make sure it's five out of five for all on this thread  )


----------



## Jacks girl

Good luck Mafergal and DW


----------



## Dawn7

We got a unanimous YES! Whoop! I'm going to be a mummy too FINALLY!  

We had another lovely experience, I don't know why I get all worked up and worried sometimes lol I guess it's just natural.

Mafergal, you'll be fine

We were asked to get to panel half an hour early, when we arrived ff, childrens sw and fc's met us there and we were shown all the questions that would be asked, we only had 3 questions.

1. What attracted us to LO's?
2. What were we most looking forward to and what challenges did we think we'd have to deal with?
3. What did we learn from meeting an adopter who had children with FAS (our LOs have potential FAS) 

Then ff, LOs and our sw said why they'd chosen us and felt we were a good match, it was lovely to hear.

We were then asked to leave and waited about 5-10 mins and got that wonderful yes. We should get ratification by the end of this week and we meet our eldest son on Friday Amazing! I think I've been smiling all day and we've been out shopping and had a nice meal out

Looking forward to your update tomoz Mafergal xx


----------



## flickJ

Congratulations, Dawn   

Roll on Friday


----------



## Barbados Girl

Amazing! Good luck MG xxx


----------



## mafergal

Yey,   Dawn!   So happy you got a yes and it was a lovely positive experience! Friday will absolutely be here before you know it! I'm the same working myself up in knots and our SW has told me not to worry but just can't help it.

Been keeping myself so busy today so I don't have to think about it    Thanks for the good luck messages ladies and thank you Jacks girl for popping over   We've got a long day tomorrow setting off early doors but hopefully all goes well and I can update you tomorrow night when we get home.

x


----------



## weemoofrazz

Congratulations Dawn! Mafergal, your next and I know you won't need it but best of luck


----------



## mafergal

Thanks WeeMoo! I can't sleep.  I keep going over questions they will ask us and can't switch my brain off   so I sneaked down stairs as don't want to wake DW.  I can't believe the day is nearly here!   x


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, well we got a big fat unanimous yes   I'll do a proper update later as I'm on my phone & we are going to make the most of the nice weather now & do the last of the remaining garden child proofing.

Hope you are all well, just 2 more sleeps for you Dawn   x


----------



## flickJ

Mafergal, couldn't be more pleased  

It's all happening for all of us now, things are getting so exciting


----------



## Dawn7

Congratulations Mafergal! 

Flickj- it is all happening now  our eldest is currently being shown his tony album and our official intros start on Monday, after our intro meeting. Feel lucky to be meeting eldest on Friday . So exciting! 

We should defo keep each other updated through intros (if it's physically possible) lol

Xxx


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, what a day. Managed to get loads done though and I think MP is finally sinking in. 

Yesterday was a very long day, we left about 7am and got home just before 8pm.  We got there a bit early so we could go and have lunch and change our clothes for panel. 40 mins before our panel time we met with our SW and LO's FF for a little chat and then we were joined by LO's FC, SW and her boss. Whilst we waited we were shown some more photos and we passed our Intro's book and laminated photos around.  The chair then came in and introduced herself and explained what would happen inside and then we all walked through.  

We then went around the table introducing ourselves and in total there were about 16 people. The chair then thanked the FC and asked her to speak about LO and they asked her a couple of questions about his health, thanked her again and then asked her to leave the room.  The chair then asked the FF why this was a good match (and she gave a really nice reply). We then got asked a few questions, the chair asked us about who our chosen guardians were.  A panel member asked about the various water features in our garden (stream and pond) and where we were with making them safe.  Another panel member asked a few questions, these were 1. What will LO call you both, will you both be mummy? 2. What will you do about a male role model? 3. In your PAR you said 38-52 weeks adoption leave, have you decided how much you will take? 4. Your planned part time hours of 22-36 hours, how part time will you be? Another panel member asked if we had looked into schools.  The chair asked LO's SW about planned contact and we were then asked if we were happy with this.  The chair then asked us to leave the room.

About 5 minutes later we were all called back in and the chair told us that panel were unanimously recommending the match and read out the reasons why.  She congratulated us and again thanked the FC for the fantastic work she has done and the start she has given him.  We  all then left and everyone congratulated us    Panel were friendly and it was really quite quick.  I found it to be a little more laid back than AP but my nervousness was the same.

Wethen went into the planning meeting which lasted a couple of hours.  I'm glad it was straight after because I was so relieved we got a yes I just sort of floated through it and TBH it was a bit boring   but needed doing and it's done. Awaiting ratification now by the end of the week  

So... introductions start on Mon 18th. Is that all of us apart from you WeeMoo? And of course Dawn you get to meet your eldest on Friday   I'm pretty sure I'll be able to do some updates throughout the week.  A little easier in one respect as the last 3 of the 8 days are at home.

Finally I can let myself get excited and not hold back, it's a lovely feeling! I am going to be his mummy and he will actually know about us now... though we are sure his main focus is going to be on our dog!  

x


----------



## Barbados Girl

How lovely, so so many congrats xxx


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi Mafergal just popping by to congratulate you on becoming a mummy. I'm so happy for you and I bet you are so excited  

I think your L O is about the same age as mine. It is quite simply a wonderful age they are like sponges! 

I just wanted to wish you and your dw the very best and to say enjoy every second. But most of all be kind to yourself as it really is exhausting and an emotional roller coaster during intros.

Xx


----------



## Hunibunni

Dawn I see you got your yes too. Big congrats hun. When do intros start? Sorry not read back.

Xx


----------



## Dawn7

Mafergal - what a wonderful update, roll on Monday 

Hunnibunni - Thanks Hun, I'm so excited for tomorrow, feels so surreal at the moment x

So we got ratification this morning, so it's officially official lol also we've been told our eldest son has seen our pics and has been shown his book and is calling us mummy and daddy oh my! How amazing and wonderful it is hearing this, but we have no expectations for tomorrow. But our sw said this is really positive, but we just have to be careful on his understanding of things, which we totally get, but can't help but smile.

Quick question, with us all heading to meeting our LOs - are any of u taking a small gift or ice breaking items I.e sticker books, crayons and paper, bubbles etc?

I worry about everything lol xx


----------



## flickJ

Hi everyone,

Dawn - Doesn't it feel wonderful to finally have that ratification? Finally, all that paperwork, meetings, worrying and confusion of the last year/six months or longer seems to be all worthwhile  

Personally, I wasn't planning to take any toys with me - but it had crossed my mind to take the 'Bear' with me that was in all the photos in our photo book, I'm not sure when is the right time to give it to her? We haven't really been given any advise about that, what have people done?

Mafergal - what kind of things are discussed at the Planning meeting? We have ours on the 18th, after meeting her in the morning. 

SW rang me yesterday to say she had been told about us, and seen our photos/DVD. She has made a list of everyone she wants to tell about her new Mummy and Daddy. Apparently, she is rushing around telling everyone she is using our last name  

It was so good to hear


----------



## Petite One

Mafergal and Dawn7 big big congratulations.   

Enjoy the next stage.


----------



## mafergal

Thanks everyone and thanks to Hunibunni and petite one for coming over to here    We should be ratified tomorrow  

Good luck tomorrow Dawn and enjoy every second!  We are going to take a cuddly choc lab toy because we know our LO loves dogs and this one will look like our real dog.  We are also going to take some bubbles but really more for when we have him on our own.

Flick, planning meeting goes over lots of things. We were given a folder containing birth certs, placement order, copies of pre-placement reports, med reports, carers reports etc. consent to med treatment form.  We went over parental responsibility, signed forms consenting to letter box contact.  Then we went through the plan of introductions and then planned the review dates for after placement.  We went through and signed several forms stating we had received several forms.  We also handed over our receipts for the settling in grant and were given our mileage forms to complete and use during intro's.  I think that was it... took about 2-2 1/2 hours I think.

Once again Dawn, good luck! Looking forward to hearing how it goes.  Hope you sleep tonight  

x


----------



## Jacks girl

Congrats Mafergal and DW


----------



## mafergal

Thanks Jacks girl   such a relief and we got ratified today so now we just have the countdown to Monday.  The LA have been lovely and booked our accommodation from Sunday so we will be nice and fresh to meet our son on Monday.  I was really sorry to read that the link you identified can't be pursued, especially the reasons why.

Hope today went well Dawn!

x


----------



## Jacks girl

Thanks Mafergal   we feel like we are getting nowhere but I guess our LO wants us to find them. 

Was so pleased to hear your good news and sounds like you and DW have had loads of support from your placing LA which is fab    .  Not long now


----------



## Dawn7

Hi girls,

Sorry for the delayed update

Yesterday was amazing! We arrived at FC's home and went straight through to the living room and me and Dh got straight down onto the floor and started playing with building blocks with LO. He is adorable, very gentle and sweet and he speaks so quietly, he kept pointing things out in the room and saying what they were, bless him. He also has our pictures on his wall and he kept looking at Dh picture then Dh and then he pointed to Dh and said daddy (so cute!) I did get called mummy but LO also called FC's mummy and daddy too. We got to see him playing outside and those who suggested taking bubbles was a good idea, I thought we were going to a local park so didn't take any with me, but family finder did. Me, Dh and LO took turns each blowing bubbles, should of seen LO trying to blow bubbles, he was blowing so gently, so it was really funny.
He'd had a temperature the previous day, so he got tired after we played for the hour, so he went for a lie down on the sofa and so it was time for us to leave.
Our foster careers are wonderful, they called us mummy and daddy the entire time, she told LO to give hugs goodbye, which we got and a kiss sound (as he had his dummy in his mouth). Definitely a day we will never forget.
We get to do it all again tomorrow, can't wait for u all to meet ur LO's, it was daunting walking up to his house but all our pain and heartbreak from our past has all gone now. Starting to sink in now that we're parents and can't wait to learn his routine and to see how he is more 

Our family finder took pictures with her camera and said she'll send us pics over the weekend, so can't wait. LO kept pointing to the camera saying my camera lol

FLickj and Mafergal- it is a relief receiving ratification, glad u have urs

Anyway looking forward to hearing all about ur meetings, so excited for u all xxx


----------



## Dawn7

Hi,

Just popping on to say - mafergal, Barbados girl and flickj, I hope that you all have a fantastic time meeting ur LO's tomoz 

Weemoofrazz - not too long for u, I hope x

We had 3 hours with our LO today, he has the cutest little laugh, we got to have lunch with him too, our FC's are wonderful. LO is now calling me auntie (oh dear) lol but we are in bonus time, as official intros start tomoz for us, after we've had our intro meeting. 

Look forward to ur updates, I may not be able to update as often as our LO's are out of area, we're away for 2 weeks in holiday accommodation, but will try 

Xx


----------



## flickJ

Dawn - I am thrilled your intro's are going so well   and I hope they continue that way, good luck with the time away 

Mafergal and Barbados girl - I hope your intro's go well and everyone has a successful time


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, Dawn what a lovely update! So pleased that you've had such a great start to introductions & your first two days sound positively great! Your LO sounds like such a cutie 

We are at our accommodation & I've just finished ironing the contents of our suitcases. I feel I need to keep busy but i feel surprisingly calm (for me) considering how I've been for all the other milestones. 

We meet our LO tomorrow morning at 9am. The plan is for 2hrs but it could be more.

Good luck to Flick & Barbados girl for your first days & to you too Dawn x


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Wow good luck to all of you meeting your lo's in the next few days, looking forward to reading your stories   xx


----------



## Hunibunni

Dawn it sounds like you've had such a lovely and positive start to your intros. I'm thinking of you hun xx

Good luck for today Mafergal x thinking of you too xx

Xx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Dawn, lovely update. We just met our son! He is the most beautiful perfect baby ever. Sorry, the cutest one is already taken, ladies!


----------



## AoC

LOL Barbados Girl!  I knew I had really fallen for Bug the day I walked into a mother and toddler's group and thought, "wow, Bug is way cuter than all these children....." which is totally out of character for me!

Welcome to motherhood...


----------



## mafergal

Thankyou w_p & hunibunni 

Wow! Today we met our son, finally after all the reports & photos & build up. He is 15 months old & todays 2hrs went out the window to about 6 hours. I am not going to lie, for the first couple of hours I felt so out of place & awkward. I didn't sleep much & was really nervous on the drive there for some reason. We had brought the fc some flowers & gave chimp the toy dog. Chimp was tired & a bit ratty & was very clingy to his fc so I found it difficult to get his attention & interact. He fell asleep for his morning nap & we had a lovely chat with the fc & I felt so much better after that.

We had a lovely play together when Chimp woke up playing hide & seek & then we left at lunch time. 

We went back again in the afternoon & this was much more positive. We had lots of laughs & giggles & we went out & played in the garden. He had a little tumble & cried & he let me comfort him which was lovely. He's not calling me mummy but I didn't expect that as he only started to learn about us late on Fri after we were ratified & he calls the fc nanny.

Barbados girl, I am biased but Chimp is so so cute 

Flick I hope today has gone well x

Dawn, I hope your are too! 

Really looking forward to tomorrow. The difference from the morning to the afternoon was immense & I'm sure it will only get better x


----------



## weemoofrazz

Barbados, Mafergal and Dawn! So fab to hear your meetings with the LOs were great, I can't imagine how you all must be feeling and I can't wait for our turn! 

It seems I am last out of our lot but we have confirmed date for starting intros in 3 rd week of September for 19 days!!!! We have booked a holiday cottage as accommodation for 10 nights and we'll drive the first few shorter days with LO's coming to ours in the last few days. Planning meeting on morning of intro's too! 

We got an amazing bit of news last week from our SW that LO's BPs have stopped contesting the POAA's and the sheriff has granted the orders for both our boys!!!!  

Mafergal, I hope I am as calm as you on the night before intro's


----------



## mafergal

Hi ladies, hope you are all well & enjoying your intros! WeeMoo the time will fly by & I'm so glad that you got that good news about bp's & the orders have been granted.

Today, day 2 was really lovely. We got there early doors & chimp was sat drinking his milk (after having breakfast & his bath). Bless him he was full of cold & his little nose was flowing. He instantly recognised us & we got a nice smile. 

When it was time for chimp to put his clothes on he toddled over to DW with his joggers & let her pop him into them. He then came over to me with his socks & sat down with his legs in the air for me to put them on, then I finished dressing him ready to go out for the morning. He walked to the car holding my hand & DW & the fc worked out the car seat  

We went to a local park, we fed the ducks & went on the park rides. He loved it & so did we   We used it as a good time to get him used to 'mummy' & there was lots of playing, tickling & hugs. We could see his batteries starting to power down & decided to take him back. He fell asleep almost straight away in the car & when we got back slept on DW for about 40 mins. 

When chimp woke up I did my first nappy change! A nice wet one but he was really good & let me get on with it & it was a success. We then had lunch & then the fc left us alone with him again for a couple of hours in the afternoon where there was more playing & singing. 'Row, row' & 'all around the garden' were great hits & we added more hugs in there. Then DW had a nice brown nappy to change   but she did well. 

Really pleased with how things are going & so is the fc so that has def boosted my confidence. Hope you ladies are having an equally positive experience x


----------



## Petite One

It's lovely to read about all your news.  

Weemoofrazz - that is great news that the BP's have stopped contesting. That must be a such a relief.


----------



## Jacks girl

Awwwww Mafergal so good to read your post   made up for you and DW. Sounds like you are having a great time with little chimp. Its good to read your posts and they are a welcome distraction from how things are our end. Have a fab next few days


----------



## Barbados Girl

Lovely update, Mafergal and great news Weemoofrazz.

Second day of intros went well for us. Greeted by a big dribbly grin and a bare bottom (FC was trying to wrestle him into a nappy). We helped with breakfast, did bottles, played and had cuddles and took him out for a walk. We love him already. He is the best baby in the world.


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Thanks for all the lovely responses, we have been very lucky and today I got a kiss goodbye, my 1st kiss from my eldest son, I'm chuffed to pieces  yesterday we took him to a hospital apt and he let me get him dressed in the morning and then held my hand going into hospital. So I'm very happy things are getting there, DH says he can see a bond between us. I think because LO is attached to the foster mum and foster mum always says where's mummy, he is more attached to me, but he isn't pushing DH away which is a relief.

We get to meet our youngest son tomoz eek! We're so excited! Then it's back to eldests LO's to spend all afternoon and to watch tea routine and then observe bedtime for the 1st time. LO is currently going to bed about 8.30-9pm, having a bedtime story and then goes to sleep, so it's going to be a late one.

Weemoofrazz - so glad u have ur intro dates and the BP's have stopped contesting, that's great news  so pleased and relieved for u.

Mafergal - sounds like everything's going really well for u and DW  ur LO sounds cute too and I think ur intros are defo more intense than ours lol but saying that as of tomoz according to our plan, we are set to get more time with LO on our own and me and DH can't wait for this.

Barbados girl - glad everything's going well for u and that you've fallen in love  seems like ur doing loads already, we're yet to change or observe a nappy change, but hoping to experience this tomoz 

I hope ur all as tired as us lol just about to watch a dvd before going to bed  xx


----------



## DRocks

Reading all these intro's makes my heart smile


----------



## Barbados Girl

Super tired. Our son fell asleep in my arms tonight. It was unbelievable.

We did afternoon and evening today. Our intros are just seven days because he is a tiny x


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, thank you for the lovely comments! I very much appreciate every single one  Jacks girl, glad I can be a distraction. I've been following your posts & I hope all your work comes to something!

Day 3 of intros was the best yet. It was just me in the morning as DW had to be in work. The fc & Chimp picked me up & I got a beautiful beaming smile from him & some garble. It was a lovely morning so we played in the garden for a bit, then I fid a nappy change & off we went for a walk together. He was so good holding my hand & taking note of things I pointed out. He got tired about half way so picked him up & carried him. When we got to the fc she gave him some milk & then sneaked out as he sat with me drinking his milk & then he fell asleep on me 

About 50 mins later DW got back & Chimp was still fast asleep on me. When he woke we had lunch & the fc came back but afterwards when we tried a nappy & clothes change we had a bit of a tantrum. Bless him Chimp wanted to go to the fc & was wriggling everywhere. But we got through it & left to spend the afternoon together. It was lovely, we did a beach walk, then went to our cottage & played in the grounds & petted some horse.s We made & fed him dinner, then we got back to the fc for night time routine. The fc was really good & she left the house again so we could get on with it. But the cheeky chimp that he is refused to go to bed. We got lovely good night hugs (he doesn't do kisses yet) & waved goodbye.

So a really good day! We've got our mid review tomorrow afternoon but the fc has no worries & is really happy with how things are going. 

Barbados girl, glad your intros are going well, hope yours are too Flick. Ours are 8 days long, would have been 7 but the bank hol adds a day on.

Dawn, I admire you so much going through this with two, especially az they are placed separately. How old are your LOs again? Sorry I think I have baby brain as can't remember much lately.  Now you have all the excitement of meeting your youngest  Sounds like they are going well so far & like ours it's all at the pace of the child. Our intros plan has really gone out the window & we have had alone time sooner than planned as the fc & sw felt it was right. Good luck for tomorrow x


----------



## MummyPhinie

Sat with my 3 cheeky monkeys running round me updating myself on your posts. Really lovely to see how you are all doing. Sounds like you are doing great and your LO are sounding adorable. 5 weeks in and intros seem so far away like a distant memory so cherish these early days getting to know your little ones x


----------



## Barbados Girl

First visit to our flat...watching my baby sleep. This is just magic. Glad we all get to share these experiences...


----------



## Jacks girl

Awwwww so happy for you all ladies hope it is our turn soon. I long for the day DS can swing into big brother mode - he will be in his element! xx


----------



## mafergal

Phinie, sounds wonderful! Each day we learn something new about Chimp but we can't wait for intros to move to our house for a bit of normality. Jacks girl ot will happen soon, your LO & your son's sibling is out there somewhere & I truly hope they find you soon!

Day 4 was lovely. We had him to ourselves most of the day apart from heading back to the fc for the review meeting which went really well. We did a soft play centre in the morning, a walk & then lunch was in a restaurant & Chimp was so well behaved. We did dinner & night time routine at our accommodation & then back to fc for bed. Bless him I think he is getting confused now & I don't blame him. The fc is great though & so lovely & after tomorrow intros move to ours.

x


----------



## Waiting_patiently

So lovely to read everyones updates, soooo cant wait until its us in a few weeks time, hope ours go as well as all of yours sound xx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Mafergal, sounds great. We have our review meeting tomorrow. Today was great albeit he got a little unsettled after his nap. Difficult to tell whether it was because we are not so attuned to his cues as FC or because he was missing her. He also hated the car journey back which is a pain as we have to do it three more times!


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Glad to hear day 4 went well again for u Mafergal and Barbados girl 

Things seem to be going slower for us, but we are getting there. Mafergal our LOs are nearly 2 and 3.

We're doing intros with our eldest first as he's been in care for over a year and very much attached to foster mum. Once eldest has settled then we'll look to start intros with littlest, but we are doing contact with littlest once a week once we bring our eldest home.

We had a good day today, DH put LOs coat and shoes on and we went to a local park, where foster dad left us for half an hour and LO called him for about a minute, then carried on playing and we got kisses goodbye 

I also have the biggest headache at the moment lol I think it's due to the pressure of keeping LO happy and also frustration, foster mum, is still saying come to mummy at times and also when he goes to her for comfort, she takes him out of the room. Also when I've tried to dress him or change his nappy and he says no then she just does it and it drives me mad. But I do think she's done this over 50 times, so maybe I'm just worrying over nothing, we still have a week to go.

Mafergal and Barbados girl I'm so jealous that Mafergal u get to do the next part of intros is at ur house and Barbados girl ur intros are nearly over haha

Waiting patiently - not long till this is u, so exciting! X

Jacks girl and Disney - I hope ur LOs both turn up soon for u, when they do it'll be right and all ur pain and frustration of waiting will disappear 

Phinie - I can't wait to get to where u are, I just want to be home now lol my diet has gone out of the window as foster family are looking after us too well.

Going to chill out with a dvd and some chocolate  xx


----------



## MummyPhinie

Hi dawn I had to reply to your post.  We had a new FC to adoption and the other had done it 32 times and they neither would have done what yours did. To be honest we were surprised at her forwardness with the little ones, but our 2 are same age as yours and after a couple of days she was letting us do everything, but always in background giving me instructions and prompts, felt like I was being bossed about a lot, but in a positive way!. Little one kept going to male FC for comfort (he got told off frequently for interfering!) but never removed where we were. By day 4 she actually told me that was worrying her and I should spend more time with him,as older ones took up more attention.We had 15 days of intros and by day 3-4 I was supervising lunches and first nappy they had to do she asked if I wanted to watch, then remembered I had done millions and let me go ahead and she just floated about the room doing stuff.
It's so hard when you are in their house, but if it's frustrating you and you feel confident I would say something, or if not try to be more proactive (I followed the kids everywhere). If things still aren't right have a word with your social worker. It did help that foster carers were nanny and grandad and not mummy but it's not going to help the transition. Things will feel very different when you spend more time alone and when your at your home.
All the best x x


----------



## Barbados Girl

Dawn, it is super difficult.  Our FC is very supportive and we are doing lots of intros at ours but still I have all these mixed feelings and worries. Today when we met at the LA offices FC said bub had been a little ill in the night and as well as worry and upset he was ill, there was almost a flash of relief that when he was unsettled perhaps it was not just us! Then guilt I had felt that way. He was a bit unsettled this afternoon, I think due to the teething. When we got him back to FC she commented on the fact he had been crying (not meant as a criticism, I am sure) but then immediately felt like we had failed and she would have been able to make him not cry.

All this and our FC is wonderful. It is a tough old process x


----------



## Barbados Girl

Of course, not to mention the fact I have now convinced myself he is ill because I have poisoned him with my cooking!


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone! Barbados girl it sounds like you are doing well! Don't doubt yourself x

Dawn, I kind of agree with Phinie & think that fc shouldn't be referring to herself as mummy. She should use this time to introduce her name & explain that you are now mummy. How can you continue to talk to your LO about her & him not get confused as you can't refer to her as mummy? 

Chimp was calling fc nanny (which we didn't mind as neither g.parents are called nanny) but from day 1 she used her name with him. The first few days he happily let us dress him & nappy change as she flitted about but the last 2 days he has thrown tantrums & wants her, same when he wakes up from a sleep with us. But it's natural, he doesn't know what's going on & to him she is the constant. When intros are over it will be the same for a bit, if not worse. 

Your fc needs to let go a bit, he is going to cry & want them but he needs to see that you can do it & that they approve. If they take over every time it will help no one. Is your SW phoning you in the evenings? Maybe raise these concerns then so they are at least known by the time you have the review meeting. I would say that by 5 days in, the fc's really should have taken a massive step back.

Day 5 was a shorter day because we were travelling home. We got Chimp ready in the morning but as referred to earlier there was a tantrum & he wanted fc. But we got through it. We went out for the day & it was mixed. He was tired & as we had no accommodation to go beck to he was in & out of the car seat to places as the weather changed. He got really grotty after lunch & wanted to be picked up. He didn't want me & clung on to DW. It was a mixed feeling of joy that he wanted DW but I also felt a bit bad that I couldn't comfort him.

Today they travel down to us. We've put all his toys in his play room & dotted some around the lounge & dining room so he can see his things when he comes in. I'm hoping things will be easier here as I've been feeling really fake. The fc has been great &says how great things have gone but as good as things have been it has felt more like babysitting if that makes sense. We are now where I feel comfortable & hopefully Chimp will feel that as I've not really been able to let myself go so far. I think too much 

Hope you all have a good day today x


----------



## Macgyver

Hi guys, I love reading your updates and it brings back so many memories 

Dawn7 - I would raise the issue to your sw regarding FC calling herself mummy, she shouldn't be doing that at this stage. She needs to refer to you as mummy. My sil is a FC and she has said that they are told not to let the lo call them mummy As it can be very confusing during introductions, so she just uses her first name. It's also not fair on you. You have your midway meeting soon, so ask to talk to your sw alone.
Good luck sweetie 

Mafergal- I understand what you mean about it feeling fake  It's so hard to act normal in someone else's home with your child. To be honest it was about a week after lo came home that we started to feel normal and not like we were babysitting  
Good luck with your first visit home x

Barbaddosgirl- bless you, it's prob all the excitement and change plus teething that made you lo ill. Don't worry they are at that age where they pick up every bug going and anything out of the norm upsets their system. He will be fine and so will you x 


Can't wait to see more updates xx


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

So our sw came to see us in our holiday accommodation this morning and we were completely honest and sw agreed that FC's should be letting us get move involved. So she told us to suggest taking LO to a play area on our own and to see if we could do lunch with him, which made me feel better. SW did agree they shouldn't be calling themselves mummy and daddy as like u say Mafergal, it makes it hard for us, what do we call them?? Macgyver, I thought that maybe the case (that they're not supposed to call themselves mummy and daddy) frustrating thing is our littlest's FC's also call themselves mummy and daddy, I'll speak to our ff and suggest they nip that in the bud now, for when we do intros for him.

Barbados girl - it is super difficult, I can't wait for Friday to get here lol

So we got to FCs and went outside to play and foster dad suggested that we go to a play centre, when we got there he said he'd leave us for an hour, happy days.

LO didn't even ask about him, also when he came back we got to take him back to FC's home alone. LO really likes his car seat haha which is a big help 

When we got back to foster mum she picked him up and was calling herself mummy again and then carried him into the room where we were and started babying him, he got upset and when she left the room, I went over and he smiled and took his jacket off for me and cheered him up when she couldn't .

Then she said to him where's daddy. LO pointed to Dh when passing and she carried him outside to wait for foster dad to get dinner.

Argh! Will tell sw tomoz 

Anyway we will plod on biting our tongues and feel that he has no routine now, so will deal with this when he comes home.

Was lovely seeing Dh running round the soft play area haha and LO came over and blew me a kiss, i love this little boy.

Had no sleep last as we went to bed and found two massive Dobber spiders, we didn't sleep that well.

We are just waiting for LO to be dropped off here for a couple of hours, can't wait to have alone time with him. Then heading back to FCs for tea and to do bed time routine  

Hope ur all having lovely days and thanks for ur support in this difficult time xx


----------



## Barbados Girl

No Dawn, that sounds like a pain. She needs to let go a bit. Any FC worth their salt finds this terribly hard. Our FC has loved our prince like a son since he was born. It is thanks to her that we have a happy, healthy baby. She has bought him the best and showered him with the very best parenting. However, from day one of intros we have been mummy and daddy and she has only taken over tasks in the early days when we were still learning and when we have been around she has treated us as the main carers. I remember day two he made his "pick me up" noise (we didn't recognise it at that stage) and she said "I am not going to pick you up, mummy is here for that". It was her way of introducing me to his cues and him to the fact we were here to take over his needs. I know her heart is aching and she misses him every day he is away and this is going to break her heart but as she puts it: "It is about prince. I want the best for him". This is hard on everyone involved but how is your fc's approach helping your lo?


----------



## Macgyver

Oh no dawn    I really feel for you. Like barbaddosgirl has said before your FC needs to let go. Our FC like barbaddosgirl was fantastic and loved lo like her own. But from day 1 it was mummy and daddy are here now so they are going to look after you. They stayed in the background and if we needed them they gave us the advice, and support needed. Even on day one we feed him, changed his bum and took him for a walk. (Wasn't meant to) but as FC said we are his mummy and daddy why start tomorrow when we can start today. She is very much still apart of our lives, and even when her bc passed her driving test etc, she texted me to let me know.
Having a good bond with your child at the start is so important and she is making it so difficult for you and dh. Stay strong sweetie your son will soon be home


----------



## Dawn7

Thanks for all the support girls,

Today is finally here, our son is coming home but I'm dreading this morning.

Foster careers are bringing LO to us, we have to provide lunch, which I could do without, as I'm stressing about how LO is going to cope, plus the FF wanted them to have lunch for the benefit of LO so he feels natural in our home, but we don't have enough chairs, I'm stressing out what food to prepare. I got home at 11pm last night after being in holiday accommodation and have to unpack this morning.
I was lead to believe we went to FCs and had a quick tea and coffee and then took LO (who has been great all week leaving their home) and go, but they're coming to us and spending at least 2 hours here. But I'm not the expert so will do what's necessary and look forward to this afternoon lol

Hope everything's going well for u all and even that ur LOs are home  xx


----------



## MummyPhinie

Dawn so pleased he is finally coming home. We had a few days where all 3 foster carers came here, I was so stressed as they had all done cracking lunches so I felt well under pressure! It was lovely in the end the first day, the second they actually left us so I was massively relieved.
Normally LO would have had a number of days at yours before placement. But because of the distance for you this obviously hasn't happened. It is important for FC to bring LO into your home for that transition. Our eldest was very nervous especially in bedroom, so me and FC sat in there until they felt comfortable FC was given a few cuddles). Our middle one who same age as yours was more confident as was very excited about seeing the new duvet!!! next day went up there by themselves.
On the very final day we went and picked them up, wasn't expecting to linger but as we had 2 pickups the lovely couple offered us a much needed brew all round. It was tearful, but were blessed with a good journey back, it felt like we were stealing them off the FC dad, he didn't let ME go when we hugged bye! At least you will have things to distract him when they leave.
All the best, enjoy your early time together it is very precious x


----------



## MummyPhinie

Btw we gave kids all there favourite lunches so it looked really focused on them, then offered up a selection of pork pies, sausage rolls , light buffet style lunch for adults so they could pick and choose!


----------



## Barbados Girl

Good luck, Dawn. Sounds v stressful but soon it will be done and you will be able to start working your way through. It is amazing to have you child home, promise  x


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Sorry for not posting for awhile, u all must be pretty too lol with the lack of updates 

Hope ur all happy and well and u have ur LOs home

It's been a week for us today since our eldest came home and a week on I have to say it feels like he's been with us all along. We had a few nights to start when he wouldn't sleep in his bed, but after speaking to our sw this is no longer an issue.

Our LO is adorable and how he speaks is too cute, he's clean and tidy and he hates mess.at meal times if he gets anything on him I have to wipe him down lol he has the cutest smile and laugh and although he's testing boundaries me and Dh feel blessed and lucky we have him. (I'm sure ur all feeling the same).

Looking forward for his brother to join us, but I'm not looking forward to intros (round two) haha

Speak to u all soon and hope u all enjoy ur weekends xxx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Ah, lovely, Dawn, how old are they? Different FC this time so hopefully easier. What is happening with eldest, does he join you for intros? X


----------



## Dawn7

Barbados girl - hope ur LO is all settled 
Our eldest is 3 and youngest will be nearly 2,when we look to do intros. I think our eldest does join us during intros, which after going through 1 lot of intros, I think it's going to be awful. Different FCs but our eldest used to see youngest and knows his FCs. It's not going to be easy, although intros will be shorter  xx


----------



## mafergal

Hi all   sorry for being MIA for so long. Since Chimp came to us at the end of intros it has been none stop. Have to be honest & say there have been a few bad days where I wondered if I could do this. There was one day in particular when I virtually cried all day. I was so emotional & couldn't explain why... I think maybe it was just all the emotion coming through as I had been so compartmentalized prior to & during intros that it all just escaped at once?

Anyway things have got better since & Chimp has really started bonding with us. We quickly got him into a routine as he didn't really have one at fc. He's gone from waking 2-3 ties a night to sleeping right through the night for 11 hours. We also changed his diet, he was eating lots of beige processed foods & sugary treats, drinking vimto etc. On the plus side he was eating lots of fruit & cooked veg so that has continued & he is a really good eater. The only change we have noticed is that he is not as hyper as he was at fc's.

Chimp had a bad day on the second SW visit which was conducted by his SW. As soon as he saw her his negative behaviour started & continued for the rest of the day. He didn't really have boundaries with fc & would hit out at her but he was never told no. He did it once to DW who said "no" & he didn't do it again until placement day when fc said goodbye & this SE visit. Of the 3 visits we have had so far our SW has done 2 of them & this didn't happen. I'm relieved that we will only see her once more at the first review & then at worst monthly until the AO is granted. Bless his heart it must have really confused him seeing her here.

Dawn & Barbados girl, so happy for you both & I hope that things have got better & gone from strength to strength as they have with us x


----------



## Barbados Girl

Mafergal, sounds like you are doing a fab job. We have had two sw visits and when his visited he was quite unnerved. He sat on daddy's lap and when he eventually got down he sat close to me for ages. His sw is very good and very professional and immediately recognised he was confused as he knew her from FC- she said "I am not taking you, this is your forever family". When our sw visited he was smiling and flirting like crazy (I am going to have to watch this one with the ladies!). So I think seeing their sw in their new space completely freaks them out.

Our pixie is getting more and more cheeky and happy. It is fab xxx


----------



## AoC

I love seeing Bug flirting... he winks at all the women in any given cafe.... ggg

Mafergal, it sounds like you're doing brilliantly!  It's perfectly normal to have emotional days and to have days when you're not sure you can do it.  I woke up that way quite a few times when the placement honeymoon period was over.  But it gets way, way better, hang on in there.


----------



## MummyPhinie

Mafergal, don't worry about the crying, a couple of days in the first month all I wanted to do was cry ( and did away from kids). I was worried that I had taken on too much, but i had locked away emotions to try to keep calm and they all flooded out. I think it's a fully natural response. I rarely have them now and even though on horrendously tired days I fleetingly think....what I'd love to have none of them around for a day, I instantly regret that feeling. 
But the amazing moments make everything worthwhile, I had two in the bathroom while I was getting littlest ready for bed tonight, (was a prop fed baby and during hands on tasks and some feeding avoided eye contact with me for weeks, although fine during play) little thing just stared at me while I was massaging and singing along to wheels on the bus doing the actions with the cute hands just looking so content and I thought my heart would burst with pride!
Sounds like you are doing great x


----------



## mafergal

Thanks Barbados girl, I think we are getting there and it is so much easier now we have more of a routine.  He has slept through the whole night for the past week now which is doing us all the world of good.

AOC and Phinie, thanks for your advice... Phinie you summed up how it was perfectly. But chimp is now fast asleep snuggled up to me and I wouldn't be without him   x


----------



## Dawn7

Hi all,

Glad everything's going well for u all 

Mafergal- I've had a couple of days where I've cried, but due to the fact LO cries whenever I say no, which is a lot at the moment. Also all the negative behaviour starts when he begins to get tired, when he's tired he throws things, hits, scratches and even bit Dh the other day. It's like he's had no discipline, but me and Dh feel that we have to set boundaries as we have his brother coming, throwing a car at me will be a it different from throwing it at his younger brother. So for most of the past 2 weeks I've felt horrible, I'm his mum and I'm making him cry. 
But he cries over stupid things like when he doesn't want to walk or if it's 1am and I'm taking him back to bed, or when going to a soft play centre and he won't come off a ride, to be honest it winds me up.
So it's days like this where I feel that I can't cope, but then I tell myself it's early days and we're all still getting to know each other, plus he's only 3.

Aoc and Phinie- glad you've both said this is all normal during the first month, this made me feel much better 

Barbados girl- glad things are going well for u all

On the bright side, LOs sw and our sw have seen massive changes since LO came home and today we had our first LAC review which was really positive. We get to see our youngest son for contact tomoz, so can't wait to see him  hoping to get youngest by the end of November, excited.com.

Anyway I'm off to bed as I'm sure I'll be woken at some point during this evening, wishing u all continued luck xx


----------



## MummyPhinie

Dawn

Don't worry about the crying, I get it individually and sometimes in triplicate! My middle one however is the most tearful as he is more rigid with routine and doesn't manage change. He can sometimes cry at the drop of a hat for the most ridiculous things, but then oddly be more stoical for bigger things?! It should improve over time, or if not speak to your sw. We have now had a referral put in for some psychology advice on helping him. It makes me sometimes feel like they are miserable here, but it really isn't the case, and you must be doing good things if everyone is happy.

You will Manage and cope over time, especially as you become to recognise the triggers and try to avoid or diffuse as soon as possible. Stick to your guns with important boundaries, and be seen to be equal when little one comes along. And over praise and distract at other times. 
I'm not surprised it winds you up, I get so damned annoyed.  I'm currently trying the 'take a breath count to ten in your head ' before reacting and does work (most of the time). 
eventually your ears will pick up parents having exactly the same problem everywhere you go! Does tend to make me feel a wee bit better! Even more so when my friend who is one of those 'super mummies', snapped completely when we were out with one of her sons! 
Hope you have a lovely time with your other son tomorrow x


----------



## Dawn7

Thanks phinie,

It is hard but it is early days, I am counting to ten a lot but luckily I have my mum and sisters who have been amazing!

I tell myself that we haven't had that start to his life, so it's going to take time. I'm trying to also go out daily, to build trust 

Just bought a guide to parent toddlers haha although we know so solutions can't be applied to an adoptive child, but it does point out that we're not alone.

Anyway hoping LO settles before his brother joins us 

Thanks again for ur support xx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Thinking of you Dawn. You are always so fantastic on here. I know it must be tough but you have such a great spirit and I think that will help you through xxx


----------



## Dawn7

Hi ladies,

Sorry I haven't been on here in awhile, My laptop is still playing up. Wow seen all the latest posts from ladies just starting. Will try and see how everyone around our time is doing.

Mafergal/FLickj- hope ur both ok and not feeling as overwhelmed as I did in the first few weeks xx

Barbados girl - thx for ur lovely comment, even though I've just read it, it means a lot and bought a tears to my eyes  in a good way. Hope ur family a eve well x

Little one has been home for 6 weeks now and although boundaries and mood swings happen daily, we've come along way.
Little one sleeps in his bed and sleeps straight through the night now, he no longer sleeps with the teddy we were told he was insuperable from and no longer has his dummy and he's now telling us when he needs to go to the toilet. 
He's an amazing, seriously cute little boy and although he's not used to discipline and the word no and gets upset every time he's told no, we move on and all is forgiven.
I definitely think we made the right decision and we're now meeting his brother on a regular basis and he has a similar personality and traits. Just worry about each of them not sharing, getting their routines together and hoping they don't wahke each other in the night. Fingers crossed we bring our other little one home next month - exciting times and looking forward to Xmas and have even started buying xmas pressies.
Love to u all xxx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Aw, Dawn, glad to hear all is well. Had our first bad day today. Pixie screamed in pain for about 40 mins (his teeth) but would not let me comfort him. He was absolutely inconsolable but would not let me pick him up, cuddle him, stroke him or anything, he kept pushing me away and sobbing. It was so sad and I felt just awful that when he was in pain he did not want comfort.

I know attachment takes ages to build. I just wonder if we are overdoing it with outside activities. We have introduced him to family and a handful of close friends and take him to two group activities a week. The thing is that he gets bored just being in the house. We are still funnelling all his care and do not let people pick him up etc.  but he does need to be out and about. Other than that the bonding has been going well.

Hope everyone is well x


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, hope things are still going relatively well.  Barbados girl, Chimp has terrible teething pains but luckily he does let us console him but it is hard seeing him in so much pain.  We've tried all sorts to help sooth them but I don't think he's ever had anything so he doesn't know what to do when we give him teething rings or try to put anything on his gums.  He doesn't have a dummy and just chows down on his fingers.

Dawn, I totally know where you are coming from on the no discipline front and the saying no all the time. I don't think Chimp had ever been told no, or not to do things, or made to wait for his food.  We witnessed him hit the fc a lot, he hit out when he was happy or excited but we've been working on getting him to clap when he is excited and it seems to be working.  We only see lapses when we visit people and without fail they all try to do 'hi 5' with him.  You can't explain to a 16 month old the difference between that and hitting/smacking.

Things are going well for us, we are all bonding really well and he clings to us both whenever we go out and meet people, and when they visit us.  The past two weeks he has become really affectionate and will climb up onto me or DW and give us sloppy dribbley kisses    He is sleeping through the night and loves his night time routine.  He's got a lot better at waiting for meals and snacks (with fc he always had food in his mouth). Lots of positives but I do still spend most of my day following him around saying 'no'  

x


----------



## Dawn7

Aww material, glad things are going well for u  sorry chimp is teething, that must be heart breaking to see"

As the weeks pass and I get to know LO better and get used to having a child who's into everything 24/7 lol I know this is typical, but seriously he touches everything.

I also know its better to get up and out early and as he won't have a nap in the afternoon, when we're on the way back from wherever we've been he'll sleep in the car. Then we get back for lunch and then we spend the afternoon doing different activities and we go for a walk mid afternoon to get out and break the afternoon up.
Also I like to workout and he thinks it's a dance video, so he asks me to dance, so I get to do workouts with him, so cute how he joins in, the concentration on his face is sooo funny!

With the no situation, I'm becoming more relaxed everyday, letting some things go, basically to prevent myself going insane. I tell myself he's 2, but obviously if it's going to cause harm I can't ignore it.

Hope everyone else is good and enjoying parenthood  xxx


----------

