# scared to jump in now



## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

Hi everyone,

41.5 and have had an embryo waiting for a few months now.  Problem is I still can't come to terms with doing it on my own. 
I am scared for the practical part, and of course the emotional aspect.  But most of all I just don't feel like this is "me" if you know what I mean?  I can't see myself doing it alone......and I don't want to.  BUT I do want a family.  Am having counselling but am kind of going around the houses with this particular issue.
Its a catch 22 and I hope you can try to understand without judgement.  I know I am pushing my luck at this age anyway, and I should just jump in, but I can't seem to find peace and focus I need to move on this decision.

Pxx


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Pattycake
You have time yet to be comfortable with your decision and leave your embryo in storage.  I froze my eggs in 2003 when I was 34 and did not use them until 2012 as I kept hoping I would meet someone.  I did not.  Sadly there was only 4 eggs as I did not respond to stimulation very good, despite thawing well and forming two top grade embryos I got a BFN in 2012.  Along the way I found high endometrial NK cells which might be a reason my treatment with frozen eggs did not work.
I tried to come to terms with plan B but couldn't and have recently had a BFP with donor eggs.  What I am trying to say is you don't have to make your decision now.  You have an embryo in storage and your back up plan can be donor eggs.  There are plenty of women trying with DE in their 50s.  There is no rush.  Go out and enjoy life:  you never know who you might meet.  You will know when it's time to go it solo if you don't meet anyone.
TC x


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## Diesy (Jul 19, 2010)

Hi Pattycake,

I felt the exact same on my first treatment (BFN). I was quite conflicted but accepted that I probably always would be. Second go was different I felt better about it and was absolutely gutted when it didn't work. Good friend on FF said I had to turn off the head chatter so what I tend to do is look at the bigger picture and try not to get caught up in detail. ie I want this outcome, a family, this is my best route. But as TC says you have some time to get your head straight if you have an embie on ice. I think you will get your head together, it's natural to feel this way, part of the process. I say to myself, well actions speak loader than words and how much money have you spent on this already, Diesy!!!!! Then when I'm on the plane, I go abroad for treatment, I say, well you'd have hardly got on the plane if you weren't sure, Diesy!!!!! I could go on lol, it's pretty constant. Give yourself a break, stop beating yourself up, do something fun and then see how you feel.  I can tell you it's the same for me as when I got my puppy  Life's complicated.

Come back and chat more 
Diesy xx


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## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

Thanks both for your replies.  
I feel my age is really up there, and I'm kind of pushing it physically in terms of a pregnancy and being able to cope on my own afterwards if I leave it too much longer.  I guess that is where the pressure comes from, even though I do have the embie.  I think about it all day long and have for years.  I try to imagine my life without children, and maybe that is going to be my path, but i think not to try would leave me with questions and regrets.  It's just when do I jump in and do it: and of course it may or may not be successful.  I appreciate your thoughts xx


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

Hi Pattycake 
I have gone ahead because I didn't want to get into my 50s with regrets for not giving it one last try with DE.  To me if I had had a partner I would have still been.trying every month as I have regular cycles and I may have gotten pregnant so I thought why let that stop me.  In the 13 years since I lost the boys I have not been.able to switch off wanting children so I had to have another go.
TC x


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## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

Hi Pattycake I am a mum of a two year old and felt exactly the same as you. i conceived DS when I was a month short of 43. He is a joy. Like the other single mums I have met on here you somehow make it work. I think the majority of us hoped to meet someone to do this with but didn't but the logistics and practical side of things figure themselves out and work. Good luck. x


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## pattycake (May 28, 2012)

Congratulations Fraggles on your bundle of joy.  Do you mind me asking how long you tried for?
What was it that made you move from thinking about it and maybe planning to actually trying to get pregnant?  As you know I have been through IVF and have the embie.  Doing that was really tough in every way, but it's done.  My life went back to what it was before and Im paying it all off etc.  That was about trying to save my fertility if you like.  The next step is actually trying to get pregnant.  And that is where I'm stuck because Im too scared and indecisive right now, but feel the time pressure at the same time.


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## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

Hi
I tried over about 2 years. Started at 41 I think I had 2 iui's then 2 IVF's. I was still nervous about jumping in even when I went for that first iui. I went to Serum in Athens and had arranged for a Consult on one day and then the next day I was going have iui. The night before my consult I was lying in the hotel room still thinking I will go for the consult and then do a runner to the airport and it never needs to happen because I was having the collywobbles. However, fate took me in hand I went for the appointment, they did a blood test to see how far I was from ovulating and sent me for a coffee. When I came back they said you are ovulating now is the time and there I was legs up and the deed was done. I can honestly say I have no regrets as I might have still been sitting on the sidelines. Two of my mum's friends are childless and in their seventies and eighties and both say they wish it were different. I have no regrets. 

I went to Serum in Athens and Reprofit in Cz Republic (message if you would go here for some tips before contacting them)/ Price wise for me going overseas was cheaper even with all the extras than having cycles here and having consulted UK clinics here my treatment overseas and communication with the clinics was fantastic.

I think you said you are 41 so if you would like some OE cycles then it might be worth having a full cycle and freezing your fertilised embryos so you have more options. If you are open to a donor egg cycle you might have more time to decide if this is for you.

Good luck with your decision.

x


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