# hello everybody, any info/advice much appreciated



## jenibluebell (Apr 14, 2006)

Hi all, i am sort of new on FF, recently been posting in the male infertility board and been getting lovely support on there. Just thought i would post to you lovely ladies on here and get some advice i hope that is ok?   First i want to send all the babydust in the world for you all  

My name is Jen, im 28, im engaged to Mikee, 28. I have one son Hayden from previous relationship who is 8 years old. We have been ttc for 13 months. At end of May this year we had some devastating news after a routine SA that Mike has azoospermia. 0.0% sperm in anything. We were absolutely devastated with this news as i know many of you will understand.  GP referred us to the fertility clinic but mike did another SA inbetween that came back the same  Everything went through our minds, but after reading up on the web and getting advice, we think it is his undescended testes as a child which may have caused the azoospermia, as he had the operation very late, at 10 years old!! we still do not know why it wasnt found out earlier. So we waited all summer for our clinic appointment and talked all the time about "what if" and looked at what the outcomes of this may be. Good/bad outcomes and all our options/ what they may be.
We had our appointment at the clinic last wednesday, and they had the results of mikes blood tests he had been sent for a week earlier (FSH,test etc). He had an examination and was told his testicles very very small, and then we were absoulutely devastated when they came back with the blood results and they were very "abnormally high" as the nurse (who we didnt like) put it, mike asked her to be "to the point" and not give us false hopes, she said they are not looking very good at all, and that it indicates testicular failure completely and NOA.  We prayed and prayed all summer the blood results would give us some hope that he was producing some down there but now its not looking likely. The nurse also said that the only option for us MAY be donor sperm. We have to go back on 13th october and there we are going to have all our options. The nurse told us about the shortage in donor sperm and that we would be waiting a long while before we got a donor if we go on the list. When we go back in october, we are going to push and ask for tese?? or a biopsy. We asked there and then on weds and the nurse said it probably wouldnt be done judging by his blood results, which we arent happy with. But then we have looked at it the other way round, and thought well COULD we be wasting money doing this if he has a biopsy and it all comes back the same (0.0sperm) and should we just go for donor anyway. We have talked and talked until 2am/3am this last week about what to do.  Money is a big issue for us right now and we are worrying  we have no savings and really want to go private to CARE and i have just started a really good job and we are hoping to save up as soon as we can and go private, whilst just putting ourselves on the nhs list also. How much is IUI with donor sperm privately? as going by me having no problems ( i had a internal scan on weds and all was fine...but dosent make us feel better   ) i think this would be the option for us. 
What is the difference between natural IUI and medicated IUI. is medicated where i would be put on clomid or another drug to make me produce more follies? and natrual where i would just do ovulation test and then go in for basting? are any of you at CARE manchester or sheffield, as these are the 2 we can get to, because neither of us can drive, if we could drive we would try anywhere really. 
have any of you had the same thing as us and decided to go straight for the donor route? 
Im sorry for rambling on but its such a big thing for us right now, as i know you will all understand, any help or information would be much appreciated. 

thankyou  

Jen xx


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## AnneD (May 9, 2005)

Hi Jen,

First and foremost here's a great bug hug coming your way   because I know how much you need it right now.

Unfortunetly I can't offer any advice about prices etc as we were lucky enough to get NHS treatment but for what it's worth I'll tell you our story and hopefully you'll not feel quite so alone with this.

As you can see from my signature, me and DH went through the same as you two years ago and it's completely devastating.  We had been together 16 years and married for just one year when we got the news and everyone around us knew we got married to start a family    

DH also had an undescended testicle which wasn't operated on until he was six years old!  But as it was only one of his testicles they didn't understand why the other one wasn't functioning properly.  His blood test results weren't anything out of the ordinary and as there was about 60 % chance of finding   he went ahead and had a biopsy but unfortunetly they didn't find any at all    We wree then told that our only options were adoption or donor sperm and while I wanted to go straight to adoption thinking it would be easier for DH, he wanted me to experience childbirth and wanted to steam ahead with donor. At one stage I was all set to go to Corneils in New York for treatment and had all but booked the flights before I realised that DH had had enough and needed closure on the whole sperm finding mission.

We eventually started treatment and I had two 'natural' DIUI's ie without medication.  This entailed going backwards and forwards to the clinic for internal scans until my follies were at treatment stage but unfortunately the stress of the situation messed my cycles up and after two mis-timed treatments it was decided that I should move to medicated cycles.  This meant having menopur injections daily from day 3 of my cycle and synarel sniffs twice daily until my follies were at the right stage for treatment and lo and behold on our second medicated treatment it worked and I still can hardly believe it  

Taking this route hasn't been easy and there will always be a sadness that our child will never have DH's beautiful eyes and his gentle nature but at least they have been brought into this world with an incredible sense of love and will always know how special they are.

Wishing you all the love and luck in the world for your journey.

Anne xxxxxx


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## jenibluebell (Apr 14, 2006)

Hello, first of all i would like to say thankyou for your reply and second congratulations on your forthcoming bundle of joy!!!!!   

We feel the same, DP wants to go through the whole thing (pregnancy, childbirth) with me, and wants to also share it all with my son (from previous) so we have said that if it comes to it, we will go for donor. But i am already finding it hard, and i dont know what to say or do to make him feel better. We know it will be his child and he will be the daddy, but just not genetically. But like many people have said, anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy. He is more of a daddy now to my son, and that just goes to show. but it will be OUR child, and his legally from birth, and it will grow up to be like him and have his traits, as he will be the daddy from birth. Its just facing up to the fact that he wont ever have his genetic child.  Im sure you have gone through all this before. But its still very hard for us to come to terms with, as you will all understand.  

I never thought it would come to this, we now have to keep focused and take one step at a time, we are going on holiday on the 27th to greece and we are so looking forward to it, then when we get back we only have one more week and then we are back at the clinic, to discuss our options further,and we should definately know where we stand, 

thankyou  

love Jen xx


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## Marielou (Oct 18, 2003)

Hello Jeni and welcome    

I'm going to start off first by giving you a big  as well.  

Your story sounds very simillar to ours - DH was born with undescended testicles, which were not corrected until he was 14   (something I still feel frustrated and angry about) and as a result, he too has small testicles (they were described to us as 'under-developed') and although he does have sperm, its very small number (averaging 0.1 million) and the sperm that is there is under-developed and when we did try ICSI with his sperm, the embryos sadly did not do well, which was as a direct result of the poor quality sperm.   
We made the decision to use donor sperm, and we were very lucky and concieved on our first natural IUI.  Sadly, we lost our precious baby at 11 weeks.  
I took some time to come to terms with this (I found it very hard and had a breakdown) and then decided to go for DIUI again.  I had a few natural attempts, then moved onto DIUI with clomid, then DIUI with injectables.  Noone could understand why I was not concieving, as I responded well to drugs (actually, often too well!) am young, and considered highly fertile.  
We decided to go for IVF using donor sperm, and had a small operation called a hysteroscopy the week before we started.  This revealed I had two large polyps, possibly caused by my miscarriage, which was stopping any embryos implanting in my womb.  They were removed, and the IVF began.  
We were so, so lucky ... after 6 years, numberous IUI's, and 3 IVF attempts, I was pregnant, and our baby is due in just over 8 weeks.   
I have to say, since that day the embryos were put back, they were ours, and this baby is very much ours.  DH is very much in love with this baby, and is no less of a daddy than others who are biologically related.    

Hearing news like you just have had is a big shock to the system for you of you, and its also something you need to give yourself time to grieve for.  You have, in affect 'lost' something.  Do take up any councelling which is available to you - it really does help, and they're not there to 'access' if you're 'allowed' to use donor sperm or not, its just there as a support, and to get out any worries which you may have.  

Have a wonderful time in Greece  and feel free to come and join us on the 'Anyone else using donor sperm thread' - theres lots of lovely girls there who give so much support. 

Much love,
Marie xx


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## sarahx (Feb 6, 2006)

Hi Jen 

I really feel for you, a year and a half ago, we got that awful result from the Dr. "No sperm found" , a 2nd test and the same. I subsequently went to pieces. How could life be so cruel to us? we deserved a baby of our own, we have so much to give etc etc .I was heartbroken and grieved for months for the 'perfect ' baby that would never be ours. After very high FSH results we were told that a biopsy was unlikely to find anything.  We felt though that we had to do it. We had already discussed donor and knew that for us to embrace that in the future we had to be sure that we had exhausted all the chances of having our own biological baby. As expected the biopsy found nothing. Another kick in the teeth but part of me was already preparing for the donor route. 

My DP was sad but did not express his feelings of loss very openly, I used to get quite mad if I felt he was not acting upset enough!! how selfish!  We both really wanted to become parents so knew the donor route was for us. We are with the NHS but I also had an appointment booked with a private clinic in London as a back up, ( I think they would have done 4 treatments for about 5k) .

Sorry, i am rambling now! We had one unmedicated insemination which didn't work and after a few months of more tests on me they put me onto a cycle with injections ( 2 per day for about a week, produced 2 follicles ) the best thing about the controlled cycle is that they can give you an injection to take at home which will release your eggs so that when you come in for treatment , it is at the optimum time. the best possible chance!

We had a 7 week scan on friday and were shown 2 hearbeats!!! shocked and thrilled! 

I think that it is important to get some kind of closure on whether your DP could produce any sperm so that you can move on freely to donor, knowing that you tried everything.

Also. you are young and as your tests have all been fine you have a really good chance of success especially with a timed and medicated cycle.

Your partner sounds a very big hearted man. My DP is very kind , I sometimes think that if anyone had to go through this situation his character is perfectly suited to coping. You must have faith from the fact that your DP has such a relationship with your son.

With regards to the donor, i feel gratitude that somebody was good enough to help couples like us and any children i have will know about that kindness.  I would definetly consider becoming an egg donor myself in the future, something I would never have considered before .

I wish you lots of luck ,     you know where we are!

Sarahx


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