# New confused and bit scared and the prospect of ivf



## Amy2011 (May 27, 2011)

Hi I've been reading lots of messages lately and have found it very comforting in that I no longer feel quite so alone in my struggle to conceive no. 2.  I hope ya'll don't mind me having a rant, it's just one of those nights.

Unfortunately I don't really have anyone to talk to as none of my friends or acquaintances have gone through anything like me and I just found out that my last friend to have more than one child is now 3 months pregnant.  As always I am consumed by jealousy, which I know is so wrong but I can't help feeling bitter and wondering if I will ever get my much longed for 2nd child.  We started trying 3.5 years ago for no. 2 and I got pregnant quickly I think after 2 or 3 months only to have an ectopic whereby my left tube was removed.  I managed to get pregnant again 6 months later only to suffer yet another ectopic but was given methotrexate and told not to try again for another 6 months.  1 year later I managed to get pregnant again but this time had a miscarriage.  We've been trying every month for the last 2 years with nothing.  I've had a hycosy to see if my remaining tube is patent and it is thank God.  I've done 6 months of clear blue ovulating sticks and had an exploratory laparoscopy about a year and half ago, which found endometriosis that was removed but ever since my cycles which used to be like clockwork are now all over the place although I'm pretty sure I still ovulate each month as I'd done all these tests.  I've been doing accupuncture every week now for the last 5 months, which I can feel is stimulating something but as I'm about to turn 36 in the next week or so I feel like I'm fighting a loosing battle.  I feel my only option now is IVF but the sheer cost is kind of freaking me out, plus the fact I'm terrified of the prospect of the needles....  

And then I start feeling guilty about wanting another child when I am very blessed to have a healthy 5 year old, why do I feel he isn't enough  Now that he's at school I am surrounded by families with several children, bumps are everywhere and I am very much the odd one out, especially as I am a stay at home mum.  I wish I could accept that one was enough.  My husband is an only child and is happy with our ds but would also be happy with more.  I don't think he understands my desperate sadness each month that I fail.  He says we can do IVF but I think we only have one shot at it.  I'm about to send the forms in for the ARGC but I'm scared and very confused by all the costs because it's soooo vague.  Does anyone have any idea what kind of ballpark figure we're looking at Are the needles really bad?  Arghhhhh


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## Smurf2 (Mar 4, 2011)

Hi - please realise you are soooo not alone!  I had no.1 no problem 3.5 years ago and we are still ttc no. 2 after two years of trying.  If you are not getting pregnant naturally, it is worth getting tests done to find out what is going on.  I'm 35 nearly 36 and for me i knew that i wanted to take action sooner rather than later.
I have exactly the same feelings as you about other people's pregnancies - be they friends or celebrities or even strangers in the supermarket!
Having spoken to my mum-in-law she says that we are in-built to want more/another child...this kinda rings true...as for me my thoughts are brought back to this pretty much 24/7 to the point of almost driving me mad.
Costs i guess vary from clinic to clinic and also what sort of treatment you have.  I had IVF earlier this year which probably came in at just over £4K but then i was on a high dose of drugs which does push the cost up a bit.


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## Bubblicious (Jul 8, 2010)

Hi Desperately Confused, I completely understand your feelings regarding having another child so you are definitely not alone. Also, I have my first IVF consultation at ARGC this Friday [although I have not 100% decided that I'm going through with the IVF yet and DH would love another but does not have the overwhelming feeling that we MUST have another as I do]. I am expecting to spend in the region of £10k - £12k as ARGC is more intense than IVF at other clinics hence their higher success rates. I still feel so selfish about going down this route which is why I'm not committed to it yet. Like you, I am confused and undecided. I'm taking it a step at a time. I'm getting the consultation over with, probably having some immune testing as we are unexplained and then a monitored cycle but after that I'm not sure .....

Just to reassure you, I've injected myself twice [ovulation trigger for IUI] and although I was a little freaked out at first, I found it was okay. The anticipation was way worse that the actual thing.

Happy to chat whenever you need some support. I feel very much like we are mentally in the same place at the moment and like you, no one in real life understands what we are going through so this place is a god-send.

Sending you strength and best wishes.


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## Jem1978 (May 17, 2011)

Hi Smurf

I could have written every word you did about your feelings, you are so not alone  . I have similarities in my history. We have a nearly 5 year old girl, been TTC for 2 years, 2x m/c, serve endometeriosis, trying acupuncture. I also looked at the ARGC but was terrified by the vague costs at 7,500-10,000. They was no way we can afford this amount of money, it's pretty much 2x cycles of IVF in most places. The ARGC is worth every penny I'm sure, as they get excellent results.  I looked around and decided on the best for our life was to keep local and pray for a miracle. 

Good luck with your decision on finding the right place for you. It's really hard and i found it quite a large pressure to find the 'right' clinic.

Jemma


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## Amy2011 (May 27, 2011)

Thanks Smurf, Bubblicious and Jem, I just find the whole thing so hard to deal with.  I too keep praying for a miracle and Psyche myself up each month thinking it's finally happened especially when my p is late, which it often is only to be devastated with the negative results.  My head and body like to play crazy mind games on me, which is enough to push me over the edge.  Plus my son is going through the "I don't love you" faze which leaves me feeling deflated and wondering what it's all about.  I tried to warn my husband that the ARGC could be around £10K but he denied it saying things like his secretary 6 years ago paid about £4K.... arghhhh.

Good luck Bubblicious with your appointment and thanks for the reassurance about the needles.  I'm still terrified about the prospect and trying desperately to block it out.  If only I could swallow a cup full of pills instead!!!  I'm keen to do an appointment too just to find out once and for all what our problem is and what % of hope we've got.  I guess then we can make a final decision whether or not to go for it or try and accept that this is the hand we've been dealt.  If we were millionaire's I wouldn't think twice, I'd be going for it all guns blazing until I finally got what I wanted, but I'm not in dream world and it's a huge financial commitment.  It's over a years worth of school fees, it means the house, well it has to stay the way it is.  I am so materialistic, it's an awful trait, how can I compare things to a new life? And here lies my dilemma.  I want it all, but can't have it.  If I was guaranteed a baby I wouldn't think twice, it's the thought that there's a high chance it won't work, that we will have spent all our savings and still nothing but heartache to show for it.  But then on the other side what if we never try, we'll never know, I don't think I could live with the regret.  I know I have to try it once, but what if I can't accept the failure and have to try again and again?

Then again the guilt, that some have gone through much more harrowing experiences than myself and still don't have a child of their own.  Why am I so selfish? I must learn to be more grateful ... if only it was so simple ...

There's barely a week that goes past without someone saying "do you have any other children?", I guess it's moved on from "so when are you having another one?" but it's so painful, I never know how to respond other than "no just - " little do they know how like a knife their words stab at my heart.  I can't even bring myself to tell people we've been trying for x amount of years, it's like admitting that I'm not perfect, somehow damaged, a failure   plus I guess I don't want to put them in an awkward position, they just have no idea.

Again sorry for my rants and thanks for your support x


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## Jem1978 (May 17, 2011)

Hi Desperatelyconfused

I'm sorry i addressed my reply to smurf and not you- I must have been tired! Again your words echo my feelings. I have also felt angry that my body just won't give me what i want, then you go through the whole spectrum of emotions.

I have found eveyone's questions hard too. Actually you just feel like coming out with the truth and on the odd occasion I have as it gets very boring just telling white lies or saying 'maybe oneday'. Good luck with The ARGC. I have my nurses appointment on Friday at The AGORA- I hope i have made the right decision as so far I still feel in the dark about the whole process.

Jemma xx


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## Lollie2501 (May 9, 2011)

Hi All    

Hope you don't mind me joining in!  

We have been ttc no2 for just over 2 and a half years now and can relate to all the feelings and emotions that come with this.

I got pg easily in Oct 2008 when DS was 10 months but sadly ended in mmc in Jan 2009. Again I got pg really quickly in Feb 2009 to sadly go on to have another mmc in the April.

A year passed after our second loss and I got referred and had all the tests. Bloodwork, u/s, HSG etc. We were advised that my OH shouldn't need testing as he had fathered 3 pregnancies so he didn't. We were told it was probably just down to bad luck!!    I continued to try homeopathy and acupuncture but still no luck so January this year my OH finally got the go ahead to do a SA. We were so shocked that he had nil sperm count. He has gone on to have a testicular biopsy and sperm were found! DH is having SSR next month and all being well we hope to start ICSI in August.  

I am very nervous about what to expect having treatment and worry about the emotional, physical and financial impacts that it will have on myself, my partner and our relationship!

I want to wish you all loads of Luck and


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Desperatelyconfused

Sorry have not read all the posts so sorry if i have missed something.  But just wanted to tell you that just because you are thinking of going to a fertility clinic does not mean that they will necesarily think that you need ivf.  There are soooooo many other ways that they can try and boost your fertility and tbh ivf should be the final strew.

See it as a step faward and a way of possibly finding out if there is a problem or not.

good luck


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## hogmeister (Jan 14, 2008)

Hi all,

Can I join in too? I've just this week phoned our local ivf clinic after 2 years of mental debate and hoping for a miracle that was never going to happen. Our problem is (apart from my age now) male factor so we are going to need ivf with icsi. Our odds are so low (less than 10%) that it feels like throwing away money that could be used for a new windows/ carpet/washing machine/bed etc and I'm also scared about getting close eg getting pregnant and having a miscarriage and then having more and more attempts and using up all our savings/getting into debt over it. 
I would love to go to the ARGC and if we could only win some money and enable me to give up work (the daily fantasy!) I would go there but the thought of trying to get there every day for a few weeks with work and a toddler and no family nearby to help is just too daunting. I nearly gave up when our local place (Woking) told me we needed a GP referral as I didn't want to involve them.
My motivation apart from wanting another child is to give my ds a sibling as I get so unbelievably depressed when we go to the park/swimming/on holiday and he is playing by himself and that's only going to get worse when he gets older and starts noticing things more. In fact if it weren't for that I think I would be happy to be a family of 3.
Good luck to everyone, looking at your ages and history I would say you all seem like good candidates for successful ivf, hope that doesn't sound patronising as it obviously doesn't always work, but I mean it.
xx


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## aquapinkdog (Dec 23, 2010)

Hi Girls,
Can I join in please?
I can relate to every single feeling you've all mentioned.
I think I was quite calm about the whole TTC thing until we found out that there was an actual problem with DH's motility (3 out of 4 tests came back as NO motility - one came back as 5%). I then started panicking a bit, and now he's on loads of vits, no alcohol, seeds, the whole caboodle. The specialist said that had a 50/50 chance of improving the motility, and to go back in August for another SA (that'll be 4 months of no alcohol). Most of the time I can convince myself that it will make a difference, but in the last month I know a load of people who've just announced their pregnancies and I've become a mess and cried a lot, and convinced myself it'll never happen. It seems so unfair, and then I get angry with myself for being so selfish when other people can't even have one. 

It does annoy me when people always assume you're having another, and ask when, and if you say 'we probably won't' you get a lecture about having an only child, and if you say 'we can't' they look at you with pity.

My DS doesn't seem in the slight bit bothered he's an only child, but every time I look around a park/public place he seems to be the only one and it breaks my heart. I was an only child until I was 12 and I genuinely don't remember being upset about it, so maybe I'm panicking about nothing. He is a very sociable little boy.

We are going to an open evening at Hammersmith next week and Lister the week after. The specialist has said it will have to be ICSI as it's a motility problem.

Let's hope that we all get our miracle BFP's soon, whether they be natural, or IVF.

Fx


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