# Stuck in a rut, Fiance not helping...



## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Hi guys,

So I have PCOS and I am overweight and have irregular periods, I have always had trouble with my periods even when I was slimmer. My tubes are clear and Fiance has normal sperm. After the doctor telling me there would be a better chance of me getting pregnant if I lost weight that is all my Fiance seems to talk about and I am sick of it!!! Having PCOS makes it hard to lose weight anyway and my mental state doesn't really give me any motivation. It just feels like he's against me and he's blaming me  he says he isn't but whenever I try and explain how I feel he just gets funny with me :/ He doesn't seem to understand that I know my body better than any doctor and I know that losing weight won't help my periods. Fiance thinks different, I don't know what to do because I don't feel like leaving my bed let alone doing exercise :/ I'm so stuck. I'm only 21 and everyone keeps saying "Oh you're only young, you've got time on your side" BLAH BLAH BLAH!   I've wanted a child for as long as I can remember and i've always been family orientated. I should be out socialising, going to clubs, getting drunk, going shopping, hanging out with friends you know like a normal 21 year old but I just want to stay indoors and mope  I hope you don't think I am pitying myself, I am just finding even mundane tasks hard at the moment. Also, I have like no friends anymore because I just keep alienating myself  

Any advice would be great!

Many thanks  

Carls xxx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

if you really think you should be out socialising, getting drunk and going to clubs, are you ready for a baby?
i know that sounds harsh but maybe a bit more time doing those thing would do you good! If that's your 'thing'.

weight loss is really tough and it seems sad and unfair that your fiance seems to be blaming you instead of supporting you.
I hope you can find a way to see it as him wanting to help but just going about it all wrong (maybe that's a man thing).

losing some weight would help with a whole range of health things not just fertility. getting out and walking every day would be a start. I bought a pedometer (Ipod nano) in january, best move i ever made, since it motivates me to walk plus entertains me while i do it, and i can see all the steps i have taken since i got it, it is great to watch them add up. You will have more energy and sleep better if you manage to get some exercise in every day. Just do a little to start and build up. It really is worth it - i'm not randomly saying that, i spent the whole of last year basically sitting on the sofa/web surfing/sleeping, and i put on weight, and i started walking in january this year and i love it. It's helping me feel mentally stronger and better able to cope with life. It gets me away from that 'going in circles' feeling and helps me feel that i am doing something positive. Sure it is tough, i walked 16,000 steps on wednesday and wow was i tired afterwards! But on thursday i was so proud of myself that i had managed that. Plus i am seeing some interesting local sights and learning about the area where i live. Win all round i reckon. 

good luck!


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Carls - it's soo difficult, your gp should bear in mind that losing weight when you have PCOS is much easier said than done.

I would try and lose a little weight, then you can go back to your gp and ask if he / she can prescribe medication to help, as you've already made a start... if your gp can see that you're committed to losing weight he/she may be more willing to help.. I needed to lose weight before my clinic would accept me for treatment, and the possibility of holding my baby gave me some much needed incentive...

...I suppose it would be easier if your fiance was 'with you' rather than against you. You could suggest going to the gym together, or walks in the park/ along the beach / in the woods....whatever you have close to hand.

But we've all been there - it's easy to get stuck in a rut, but not so easy pulling yourself out - but the ladies here are very supportive and very friendly - in the meantime, please feel free to check out the pcos area - there may be snippets of information and advice there that may be able to help you: 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=13.0

Best wishes
Sheila


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Goldbunny, sorry I've just re-read what I wrote and realised I didn't word it right, what I meant is that normal 21 year olds are out doing all that stuff but I want a baby and a family so bad it's driving me crazy, that part of me was done in my teens, I hardly ever go out anymore and I don't drink or smoke etc.

Wow, well done you, that sounds like a lot of steps! I do want to exercise and I do want to lose weight it's just tough but I don't really feel motivated to do anything because i'm so upset (sounds pathetic right?) We did have a cross trainer but it broke and we decided to just get a refund because now i've been signed off work we haven't got as much money as usual. 

Thanks for your advice, will try to help myself 

Carls x



Sheilaweb,

It feels like i've forever been on a diet even before trying for a baby, i've done it before but I got a bit silly with it, and wasn't exactly healthy, I guess i'm kind of scared about getting addicted and silly again maybe that's why i'm finding it even more difficult? I don't know. Yeah we live close to a beach so we've already talked about going out walking when the weather is better which I hope will be soon!

Thanks for the advice, will look at the other forum.

Carls x


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

you _CAN_ do it carls!


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## somewhere overthe rainbow (May 14, 2012)

Hi Carl's,

Just reading your story but would def agree with the advice that has been given already.  Something else to bear in mind is that pregnancy is all a hormonal balance and your mental state can effect it.  

Try to start thinking positive  "I can do this". A really good book is "The Secret", it doesn't cost that much from Amazon and it is amazing how you it can help you to retrain your thoughts into positive ones.

Good luck with your journey.

xx


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## vickster_77 (Oct 18, 2011)

Carls, its very tough but sounds like you've got yourself stuck in a rut that you need to get out of!
Have you thought of joining somewhere like slimming world or weightwatchers to help you lose the weight and have lots of support, that way if you have a diet plan to stick to you might not get 'silly' with as you've done before?
Also excercising does really make you feel better and that you've acheived something. If it gets you one step closer to having a baby by losing weight you'll feel even better!

We're currently waiting to start IVF and I've lost over 8lbs through weightwatchers and excercising to get myself in better shape. I feel better for it and hope it can only improve our chances! I've gone through bouts of depression, but the desire to have a baby was my motivation to kick start all of this!

As goldbunny said you CAN do it xxxx


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Carl's,

There is a under 25 yrs old thread on here, so you may get more support there.  

Just to let you know that my cousin had PCOS and it took her 2 yrs to get pregnant naturally, so please don't give up hope.  I know Zita West does some good trying to conceive books to.

Good luck

Stacey
X


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Thank you for your advice guys, I think what you're saying is what my fiance has been trying to say but maybe he's just not saying it the right way. I'm very negative at the moment and he's trying to stay positive for both of us. Maybe i'm being a little harsh on him but the way he's saying it doesn't make me feel great. The thought of being in a roomful of strangers terrifies me at the moment so it's a no no for slimming clubs but maybe if I sort my head out, it might be something to consider. 

Thank you for all your advice guys and good luck to all of you 

Carls x

Staceysm,

Thank you, will check that thread out X


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

O bless you, i think we have all been there, as in "stuck in a rut".  Im sure your partner isnt acutually blaiming you, im sure he just wants you to help yourself but it all just comes out wrong.  It sounds to me as if your just rather down in the dumps and yes loosing weight is the last thing you want to do when you feel that way.  Inspite of it being hard, you never want to look back and regreat as that really is a hard thing to live with.


I think you probably need to get out and have some fun with your partner, there are loads of different ways of loosing weight and not just by being on a diet.  Is there a joint hobby that you can do? mountain biking, hill walking etc etc.  Getting out and getting some fresh air would be great for loosing weight and more importantly re bonding with your partner and feeling generally better in yourself.  This fertility battle can be a very very long winded battle, 6 years for me! so the most important thing is to look after your relationship and your mental health.xx


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## vickster_77 (Oct 18, 2011)

Very sound advice coweyes!

Carls, I'm sure your fiance is just a typical male and is going about things in the wrong way!   Like coweyes said trying unsuccessfully for a baby is a hard time in any relationship but you have to stick together and find a way to support each other x

Also a slimming club is really not as bad as you'd think! No one's there to judge you and you're weighed in private. Its the only way I manage to lose weight, its a real motivation to be good when you know you've got a weigh in coming up! Please do consider it as you'll find the leaders are lovely and they all have to have lost weight themselves in the past, so can be really supportive!

Good luck xxx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

this morning i took some lovely clothes that i am sadly not skinny enough for to a charity shop. this afternoon i walked 10200 steps. i am not 'watching the weight fall off' the way i'd like, but my legs are toned and i feel strong and able to cope. we've all just got to do the best we can. i feel a bit sad about the clothes mind, but there's no point my being in denial about it. when you feel strong it helps you resist those extra treats, and the walking makes it not so bad if i do slip up and have a little treat. anyway nobody else is going to stop me turning into a couch potato like i was all last year... this is something i have to do!


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Well thanks to you ladies, I did some jogging on the Wii earlier, half an hour and 350 calories burned  I feel like death now, took my breath away a tad but I'm glad I did it, although I don't feel great about it yet, i'm sure it'll shut my Fiance up for a while  and hopefully if I manage to stick to it, i'll get fitter and lose some weight.

I think I feel like death because I am not sleeping properly so hopefully if my sleep improves the exercise will get easier..

Thank you 

A very worn out Carls xx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

well done carls, every little helps


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Cool well done.  Try taking a small walk around the block everyday, it will do wanders for your low mood. xx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Well done cals I usec my wii fit to keep a check on exercises done but more Importantly for me, my bmi, - best of luck hun.  But they do say exercise releases endorfins which make you feel good - hopefully you'll feel better, fitter and healthier too very soon


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