# Nearly 41 - am I too old to have a baby?



## Angel10 (Sep 21, 2006)

Hi - I'm in a bit of a dilemma - have a 15 year old son from previous relationship and been ttc for last 6 years with DH - he had vas reversal 6 years ago but we still need ICSI - had one round in 2007 - suffered sever OHSS and ended up in hospital for 6 days   and had a BFN from FET - long story short been told i need to loose 2 stone to even think about cycling again, trouble is i seem to be unable to do so. I seem to be fighting against my head for some reason, im not ready to give up on my dream of a baby with DH and you think it would be easy just to loose the weight with the goal at the end of it but i feel something is holding me back. I have worries about being an older mum cos at the moment im a youngish one - does that make sense? I really need some advise here cos i have been going around and around in circles trying to make the right choice. We have one frostie too!

Sorry if i sound so confuzzled - but its how i feel, i just wonder if anyone can reassure me on everything - i dont want to get too old that i dont have the choice to even cycle again...........HELP!  

Angel


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## professor waffle (Apr 23, 2005)

Well I had my 1st ds at 39 & I was considered an 'older' mum then. I have always wanted another baby & did manage a natural BFP at the age of 42. I'm now 43 & fast approaching 44 & haven't quite given up hope but I think this will be my last year of ttc.

I think if you want another one you should go for it, as far as weight is concerned not all clinics insist on strict BMI rules so it may be worth shopping around for a clinic which is a little more flexible (I assume you are going private for tx?)


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## Angel10 (Sep 21, 2006)

Hi proffesor waffle - yes we are private (only choice) i guess the reason we havent gone anywhere else is because i thought all clinics would have strick rules on bmi - the one we were at belived my being overweight was the cause of ohss but im not sure, another ff freind of mine who i cycled at the same time with was probably 2stone heavier then me on the same meds and didnt overstimm so i dont know! 

Are you having treatment in this country? i have a few friends who have had positive experience from abroad but my dh isnt too keen on it  

Can i ask how you cope being 'older' i hope that dosent offend - i just know how tired i get sometimes and would i be able to cope with a baby - can you see how   i am??!


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## B3ar (Jul 6, 2005)

Oh I hope you're not too old because I am 41 in about 2 weeks time and having another go at IVF in the new year.

I have nothing to compare with so I can't tell you whether or not it's harder being an older mum. It is tiring but I think it's tiring at any age. I do feel quite conscious of the fact that when she is hitting her teens I will probably be hitting my menopause though   

The positives of having my daughter later in life when I am more relaxed, financially secure and emotionally more confident far outweigh any of the negatives ...for me anyway   

I am having my treatment in the UK because my DP isn't keen on going abroad either but my clinic have been great. 

This is a very personal decision and the fact that you are apprehensive means that you still have some more thinking to do. Don't leave it too long though because none of us are getting any younger  

Lisa
x


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

Hi

I can't speak from experience of being a mother already as we are still trying for our first (currently in 2ww of 7th treatment cycle)....but I will be 41 in January and fingers crossed this current IVF is successful then I will be an "older mum" (although I still feel like I'm in my 20's...well, maybe later 20's !  )...lukily I do have a younger partner though.

I come from a family who the majority had children very young (mum had me at 16) but my cousins and I have all gone the opposite way.

Anyway, I definitely don't feel that 41 is too old......and I can't wait    

Good luck with whatever you decide 
Take care
Natasha xx


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## teresal (May 2, 2009)

hi i too am 41 in february and have just had a BFP so i am hoping i am not to old. as for the BMI thing i would shop around cos my clinic never even mentioned it to me and i am overweight

best of luck

Teresa xx


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## bobbity (Nov 23, 2009)

Our two children were born when my wife was 38 and 40. That was 15 and 13 years ago respectively. One way of putting that into perspective is to note that both were in Junior school when we were 50. Of all the situations you are going to find yourself, it is the Junior school gates and Junior school events were you would think your age might stand out. On the contrary, I can assure you that we did not feel at all old, nor were we made to feel old. What also surprised us, was the fact we not the oldest, by quite some way. Some may say that children age you. I would disagree, with the right attitude it will make you younger - many of our good friends, made via the school environment, are much younger than us and it is not an issue in any way. 

Hope this reassures you. 


Bobbity


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## babs68 (Oct 13, 2006)

Hi there

I had my daughter last year when I was 40 (I'm now nearly 42) and I think for me the cons were: really bad creaky achy joints during pregnancy and a for a year afterwards!, the awareness that I would have less time with her before I shuffle off the mortal coil, and regrets that I won't be able to give her a brother or sister as I went into premature menopause this year. BUT! The pros more than outweigh this - she keeps me feeling young and has given me a new zest for life, I am a better mum than I would have been when I was younger simply because I wasn't ready before, I'm now more financially stable, and I feel so proud of being able to have given her life I wouldn't change anything for the world. Although I'm lucky to look healthy and young-ish, I really wouldn't be bothered if I did stand out as an "older" mum, as I think it's good for kids to see difference around them and accept that parents come in all shapes and sizes! I think for me that whilst having kids at a younger age has its advantages, this is mainly to do with the general increased stamina, but I don't think that that is the be all and end all,
Go for it, age has its advantages too!
best wishes
Babsx


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## Val123 (Jan 24, 2009)

Hi Angel


Well I certainly don't think you're too old - because we are expecting a baby, due 9th April - and I am 49 and my hubby is 41.

I have a grown up daughter who my husband brought up, but we have been trying for 15 years to have a baby together and, finally, through the wonder of surrogacy, our daughter is on her way.

When I had my daughter in my 20s, I had to work full time, was constantly knackered and felt I didn't have enough time to spend with her.  This time around I do not need to work, we are financially secure and I believe I will be a much better mother this time around, more patient and have more time to spend with her.  Fair enough, I might need to have a nap in the afternoons when she does when still a baby, but I did that often when I had my first daughter too.  Loving parents are far more important than being 'young' parents and, 41 really isn't old at all now to be having a baby. 

If you have the desire in your heart - then go for it.  I'm not saying I wouldn't have preferred to have been able to have our baby 15 years ago when we first started trying, and would probably have gone on to have a house full of kids, but giving up just wasn't an option. In fact, we have already decided to have a sibling for this little one after a year, when I will be 50.  I would add both my parents are 80, and fighting fit, all my grandparents lived well into their 80s too.  I know that's no guarantee that I will live that long - but anyone could get run over by a bus tomorrow.  If you want something bad enough you will do anything you can to make it happen.  

Good luck whatever you decide.

Val x


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## Angel10 (Sep 21, 2006)

Wow what a fab response to my dilema - thank you all so much for your honesty, i really value that and your opinions. After reading your posts and lengthy chats with a couple of ff buddies i have finally decided to go for it again! - next year is going to be my year i hope to really give treatment a good go and hope we get the results we want  

Val - good luck for the arrival of your daughter - you must be so excited  

Babs - congratulations on having your baby girl - and thanks for your honesty  

Bobbity - great to get a mans perspective on things - thank you  

Teresal - fab news on your bfp - hope you have a happy, healthy pregnancy  

Minxy - good luck with your cycle    

B3ar - good luck to you too    

Once again, thanks guys - you have really helped me 

Angel


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