# Had choice to add to my family taken away



## freshstart (Apr 3, 2007)

Not sure if this is the right place to post. I have been a lurker for a while but I am hoping to come to the meet in a couple of weeks time. It would be lovely to get to know some other single mummies  

I am blessed to have a beautiful dd age 2. Shortly after her birth my dh left us and our divorce was finalised November last year.

I had a letter through to renew the freezing for the remaining blast I had from the cycle I had my dd (dd was a frozen blast as well) and as they have changed their rules about freezing up to 10 years I was asked to sign a new consent form requiring both mine and my ex dh's signature.

I knew this day would come that my ex would refuse consent to keep the embryo frozen but I am absolutely devastated. It could have been a brother or sister for my dd and now that chance has been taken away from us   I had to speak to the embryologist today and thankfully she was extremely sympathetic as I was in floods of tears. She said it was an awful situation to be in.

Not only has my family been ripped apart but now the chance of a future biological sibling has been taken from me too   I am not getting any younger and that blast was 3 years ago when I had really good fertility, things could have changed a lot for me since then and I may never get the chance again. I have often thought about going it alone as my dd would adore a sibling. I simply feel devastated that this is happening and as for ex dh my dd was child no. 4 for him (3 from previous marriage) and he has left them all so he couldn't care in the slightest.


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Freshstart, couldn't read and run.         When you have had time to come to terms with this    you might want to consider chatting through other options you might have to add to your family.  I absolutely appreciate what you are saying concerning the possible waning of your fertility (I can't remember your age hun but from memory I think you're still in your 30s?), but please don't think that all your options have gone.   


A-Mx


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## some1 (May 13, 2006)

Freshstart    - so very sorry to hear that your exdh had refused his consent for your frostie, it must be very difficult for you to come to terms with.  I hope you manage to make it to the meet, would be lovely to see you there.

Some1

xx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

freshstart - sorry to hear this   
it must be very upsetting and you need to give yourself some time to come to terms with the loss of your frozen embie....
your chance of adding to your family is not completely gone though, there are other options and once you have grieved for the loss of a 100% biological sibling, then we are all here to support you in working out the best path forwards
meantime, take care of yourself, and give yourself the time you need to move past this
Suitcase
x


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## morrigan (Dec 8, 2009)

How awful for you    Just doesn't seem fair. I hope you find an alternative path to your dream but I am sure that a child that comes into your family by whatever method will be a loved and longed for sibling.

I'm sure you have lots to consider in terms of if you want to go ahead with tx/ donor options treatment options etc... but from an outsider you sound at the begining of a journey not the end. There is loads of knowledge on here when you need answers just ask someone will know or know someone who does.

I wish you luck in coming to terms with this


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## RichmondLass (Apr 26, 2009)

Oh freshstart I do feel so sorry for you. What an awful situation. But you are not alone. I have read similar decisions taken by men in relationships. Their wives want to store sperm or embryos and the husbands say no, no more children. At least you have the ability to make decisions yourself now. Your little one will love a little brother or sister if you choose to have one in the future wherever they come from. And so will you!  Men's ability to love 'em and leave 'em astounds me. But it's predictable that now the relationship if over he'd say no as you say yourself. I have a double donor baby and three frosties waiting to go back for. If I decide to do that and they don't take I will have to decide whether to start again with two new donors. I think I already know what me decision will be. Rlxx


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Oh goodness - I am so very very sorry to read this   . How devastating to not be able to use your frostie. Is your ex definite in that decision? I can understand how emotionally tough this is - in terms of it being DD's full sibling. Don't give up the hope fo further children tho


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Freshstart - so sorry you've been put through this.  My heart broke just reading about it.  Am thinking of you x x x


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

hello freshstart, how tough.      to your ex.  And especially hard as I assume you need to try and remain positive about him for your child's sake.


As the others have said, there is still opportunity to make more members of your family, and we're all here to support you.  I'm sure it will be hard though it get to the point when you are able to move on. It's keen of a grieving process for what might have been, isn't it.


wishing you lots of luck going forward.


xx


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## muddypaws (Apr 10, 2008)

Freshstart - how heart breaking, I'm so sorry that you have had to let this precious embie go. Some men are just dicks quite frankly. You haven't necessarily lost the chance of a bigger family. 100% siblingship isn't necessary for positive relationships in the future. I have a half brother but have never thought of him that way, he's just my brother with a different dad. Families are made up in many ways - particularly on this single girls thread - children are a joy whatever their biology or genetics. Don't lose heart.   

Muddy


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

freshstart I do feel very sory for you- didn't /can't your divorce lawyer conisider the embryos along with the rest of the legal stuff as part of the agreements they make re assests. maintenance?
L x


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## kizzi79 (Jan 9, 2009)

So sorry to read your story Fresh Start    - this must be so difficult for you   .

We are all here to support you    

Take care, Love Krissi  xx


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