# Dealing with other peoples comments



## wright1 (Jan 4, 2008)

i'm not sure if this is the right place to post, hope so...
I had 3 cycles of treatment to have our dd after 3 years of ttc naturally with partially blocked tubes. We have reccently had another cycle for a sibling for dd and resulted in a BFN as well as using no contraception  inbetween. Last month I got pregnant for the first ever (5 + years) but ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks   
Anyway, before this happened people including my GP said 'well you never know, lots of people get pregnant normally after IVF' . I really don't know how to deal with these comments as they have started again since having the miscarriage. All I want to do is shout at them. Its the first time in 5 years so highly unlikely! 
How do others deal with comments like this? thanks in advance.


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## Cloudy (Jan 26, 2012)

So sorry for your mc - life is horribly cruel sometimes  

Ah honey, I know, it's pants. I especially hate the good old "a friend of my cousins hairdressers cleaner had 10 IVF tx and then when she gave up and stopped worrying about it all it happened naturally"  

I'm struggling with this at the moment and it's beginning to get at me - it's not my own fertility issues i find so hard, but other peoples comments and attitudes! It's the mix of people saying "if you really want kids have mine for a day and you would soon change your mind" and "oh, woe is me, I have been ttc for a month and I just KNOW it's not going to happen".

What your going through now honey is so hard, and as much as people have well-meaning good intentions is ok to want to smack them in the face  . I honestly have to sometimes visualise smacking them round the head with a French stick or whipping them with one of those long red liquorice laces you get at the cinema! I know it sounds daft, and I'm not a complete psycho - I just find it easier to think that instead of respond with a massive dressing down. I know they mean well, but it doesn't mean you have to accept it well, and it doesn't make you a bad person for being angry about it xxx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

other people's comments - had a text message tonight from a friend, one of te few people i have told about my tx. i told him i was pupo and his reaction was that he thought my ivf treatment had been months ago. i just felt angry at that, it is like some people think ivf is like going to get your hair cut. 
i can understand his ignorance of how things work and the timescales, but i don't really understad whyit made me feel so angry.


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

((())) People really have no idea what infertility is like hun, lucky them. People think they're giving you hope with these comments but it hurts. so sorry you're going through this.

Kay xxx


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## waterlily01 (Jan 23, 2011)

I'm struggling with a comment from a friend saying how exciting it must be having ivf!


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## Spaykay (Nov 29, 2006)

Exciting? It's the crappiest and tougest thing I've ever been througg! Many people think IVF gives u 100% chance if parenthood...that WOULD be exciting but unfirtunately is not true  people mean well...but...

Kay xxx


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## joeyrella (May 13, 2009)

Maybe sometimes do shout at them!?  People have no idea how much their throw-away comments hurt, perhaps its time to tell them?
My own GP is the worst, she is obsessed with getting me on contraception because 'so many people have little surprises after IVF'.  I keep politely saying 'no' but really I should give her a piece of my mind.


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## MissT (formally MissTurneriffic) (Mar 10, 2012)

I hope you don't mind me joining in but i've had it up to here with a lot of comments.. the main one is 'At least you now can get pregnant!' yes maybe I can but that doesnt mean I want to keep getting pregnant. I want my lost babies. I wanted those pregnancies to work.
Also I feel like it a competition. Everyone has to tell me that they know someone who had 3 m/c's or 4 m/c's and one friend said her friend had 19 m/c's. why do they think telling me that is helping

Some people have no idea.

Sarah x


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## aubergine07 (Oct 26, 2010)

I hate all these comments too!

Everyone knows someone who got pregnant naturally after giving up/having had many IVFs etc etc  (even me on this site!).  My dad's favourite is the female newsreader on BBC - forgotten her name.  It so doesn't help hearing it - just makes it harder because know that won't be me  

I hate the "its just bad luck" line too - which mainly comes from consultants who can't explain why it hasn't worked for us.  I don't blame them for not knowing, but I just wish they wouldn't say that.

Had that one about "at least you know you can get pregnant"  Another consultants say, as if to say, don't worry - well actually loosing them makes me worry very much!

Never heard the exciting one - thats extraordinary!  This has been the worst 6 years of my life, by no means exciting!


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