# I don't feel a women anymore.. I'm broken



## Hbkmorris (Apr 7, 2010)

Ladies i'm looking for some help and support please.

I truly don't know where to turn now as I ive given my everything to all my cycles and we are left with no money to continue.     I just don't feel like a women anymore.

I have had a cancelled cycle, 2nd cycle I had to have SET which I didn't want and the 3rd cycle was text book cycle perfect blasts perfect grades and STILL they didn't want to implant   

I have been asking myself so many questions, I live a healthy life, don't drink alc, gave up smoking a year ago, eat healthy although I do have a BMI of 30. 

My partner already has 2 children and I did have an abortion when I was 17.. how much i regret that now    as since then I've had nothing but problems with my womens bits. 

I'm worried that there is something major wrong with me.. Could it be immunes? could it be beacuse i'm overweight (although my consultant said not) why and what can it be that's wrong... Please if anyone can throw and light on my concerns please let me know.

Thank you.. Hope your all having a better day than me.

Kind Regards
HBK x


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## squirrel2010 (Nov 6, 2010)

Hi hon,
I know exactly how you feel.  Immune testing is controversial, I have just had my first set of bloods done to see if I have a reason for implantation failure.  Check out the immune thread on here, it is helpful.  You are not being punished for what happened in times past.  This is just the worst luck ever for all of us.  Take care, and join a thread where there are already lots of buddies who can help you. I am on a premature menopause thread and the girls have been great.  Big hugs, squirrel xx


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## lola33 (May 17, 2011)

So sorry you are feeling so bad   didn't want to read and run. It is so difficult to figure out why things go wrong, especially when you get good quality blasts and everything should be fine. Immunes is a bit controversial and very expensive  but maybe you could do some of the test on NHS, Level 1 , you can check under FAQ on immunes thread. There also a hysto that actually checks inside the uterus, maybe something worth looking into as well? Best of luck on your next step   

Xx


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## ekitten1 (Dec 18, 2009)

Hi HBK,


I am so sorry to hear your news, I have checked in on cycle buddies to see how everyone was getting on and really hoped for a BFP for you.   

I know exactly how you feel, I have asked the same questions since my BFN too. How many times I have said to DP that I am a pathetic excuse for a woman. I wish I could say something to take away your pain but we both know only one thing can do that...I    for the same.


I am also thinking about the immunes, also worried about how on earth I am going to keep paying out for this (I am already well in the red).

I plan to ask my GP about the level 1's and if they show anything wrong, I will speak to fertility clinic about having the full tests.

I get so frustrated with myself too, I have a 12 year old son from my previous marriage and I can't understand why I can't conceive again. Why do I have to be in the early stages of menopause (low AMH) at 37 !? It is unfair, my mum fell pregnant at 34 with my sister easily and then again naturally at 43 and 44 (but both m/c), so she didn't have early menopause.

I hope you feel better soon and manage to get your strength back, many say it is just a numbers game and that the more we do this, the more the chance it will work


If you want a bit of inspiration, look up reb363, she has finally got her beautiful baby boy after 7 attempts, read her signature, she has truly been through it and never gave up. Next time could be different for you. Be strong, take care of yourself and try not to stop believing xxx


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