# Young gay couple from scotland



## rahraftw (Sep 12, 2014)

Hey everyone, I'm a long time reader but first time poster to the site and its really wonderful to read all the lovely adoption stories and great advice offered, so here goes.

I'm 20, nearly 21, from Ayrshire in Scotland and my partner is 20. I've always been interested in the idea of adoption and i know i'm not old enough yet but i thought id introduce myself anyway, hope you guys don't mind  

I'm currently still living at home with my parents and partner but will be moving out within the next six months as i've been waiting for LA housing for over a year now.- Managed to plead my case regarding adoption and they're only considering me for 2+ bedroom houses as apposed to the 1 bed i would normally only be entitled to 

I currently work part time looking after children with disabilities and i guess this has further strengthened my desire to adopt. Ideally i would be looking to adopt a boy aged 0-2 but ultimately it's the child's best interests that are paramount, not my personal preferences.

loads and loads of questions but ill keep it short and do some searching in the meantime..

Is my age going to play a negative factor regarding the adoption application?
Is there any time constraints regarding how long you must have been in your own home?
finally  how would i prove how long me and my partner have been together for? he has lived with me for a year and a half but has no correspondence etc.

ANYWAY.. Just thought i'd say hey and hope to hear from you all soon 

Robbie x


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

Hello Robbie and welcome.  parents come in all shapes sizes and ages, so theoretically once you turn 21 (the minimum age to adopt set by the legislation) you can be considered. 

Most agencies want you to be settled in your relationship and home. They may say your relationship is too new? I doubt they would search for evidence of its age, but they will want references who have known you for three years or more. A bit awkward if your relationship is less than 3 years!! There is no legislation for this though.

For me, I like that you are young. But SW may be critical of that, as your brain is technically still developing. You both will mature and change remarkably over the next three to five years, especially as young men (vs women). This will likely be a point of contention for social workers, along with the move out of your parents house.  Children in care need stability and security above all. It will be your job to demonstrate you can provide that. 

Luckily you have plenty of years to prepare!!

Good luck.


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Hi Robbie, welcome to the world of adoption. There is ups and downs to age and i think it is LA dependant. Our LA embraced the fact I was 28 and my now wife was 25, but we did have to show that we had been together for 6 years and lived life ect. If this is what your both serious about then i cant see why age can be an issue. Why wait yeara to still take you back to the adoption journey you obviously long for.  Certainly seek advice from your local authority or VA and see what they say. They will obvioualy want you settled in your new home ect but worth making and enquiry. Good luck x


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## kizzi79 (Jan 9, 2009)

Hi Robbie. Welcome to the group. In my area there is a requirement to have been in your present home for 2 years (but rules vary greatly between agencies so def worth asking as soon as you and your partner feel settled in your new home). I have heard of people being quizzed extensively about age (but I think this happens in lots of different circumstances - for me the quizzing was about being single and why didn't i try internet dating and what i would do if i met someone once i adopted etc - but i think being clear in your answers proves your commitment and then not a prob). I also think your work with kids will be a big plus in social services eyes.
Wishing you all the best, Kiz  x


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## rahraftw (Sep 12, 2014)

Thanks for the kind replies everyone  I'm so excited to begin my wee journey even if it takes another few years  Gonna do some more research and contact my LA in the near future to get more information x


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Hi Robbie, welcome.

As others have said, and I'm sure you know, your age and the shortness of your relationship will be an issue.  I imagine SS will want you to have been living together in your own home for at least a year or so before you apply, but you just don't know.  My husband and I were 28 and 33 respectively when we were approved and that was considered very young in adoption terms, although panel saw that as a good thing rather than bad because they viewed us has having appropriate "life experience".  However we were asked to provide references who'd known us as a couple for at least five years, I didn't really think about it at the time, but I guess the implication being of course that they wanted us to have been a couple for at least 5 years.

As others have said, I think it's worth speaking to your LA and asking them what else, other than being old enough, having your own home for a certain amount of time etc, they think you should do to prepare yourselves.  It will probably stand you in good stead when you do decide to go ahead, as will your work with children with disabilities.

Wishing you all the best,

Wyxie xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Lovely to have you on the forum everyone is really friendly and gives great advice so ask any questions. I was 27 when we started looking into adoption and one agency questioned this as they felt I was too young to have given up on biological children.  Which I found really patronising and short sited. My husband is infertile and we had decided to adopt the only way I'd have a biological child was divorcing him and getting pregnant by someone else.  My age within reason didn't affect that.  We had moved purposefully to a great family home with adoption at the forefront of our minds and worked really hard getting it right for children however they wanted us to have lived there for 2 years.  

The agency we went with was thrilled about me being inmy twenties and saw it as a highly desirable selling point. They were impressed with the level of commitment we has shown in doing so much decorating etc to our house in a short space of time.  They made these judgements sat in our house talking to us and not over the phone.  They got us and our commitment they were focused on our high level of child care experience ( which it sounds you have ) not our chronological age.  Being older doesn't mean you understand children better your character and experience brings that.  Relationship stability is very important they basically want to try and ensure a child won't experience more loss by relationship breakdown.  

I think having your name known is positive.  I'd get in contact with some agencies when you feel you want to explain your position and enthusiasm but that you know it's a little way off yet however you just wanted to start dialogue to be the most prepared you possibly can.  A good agency in my view will embrace this good luck xx


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

Great points, Mummy DIY Diva. I would add that the early dialogue you suggest will also help Robbie see what agency will be right for him and his partner.  If he does get treated as you did by the first agency you spoke to, he will know to look elsewhere when the time comes!


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

As Mummy DIY Diva (love he name!!) points out it's all to do with disruption, or making sure a child is not disrupted when they come into your lives.

I think it's great that you are considering adoption at that age, I too had thought about it in my early 20s before I knew I was infertile. We are olso considered young adopters (34 and 31) and I believe it is a huge advanctage when SWs compare you against other families when they are matching.

A few things they'll want to know is: 

Your relationship needs to be secure so aim for a few more years together, until you have friends who have known both of you for 5+ years - if you knew each other before the relationship started that may help matters.(you can adopt as a singly but view it as disruptions and you'll see why they want stability)
You need to be settled, think a minimum of 1 year in your home, and as you are decorating perhaps prepare the child's room at the same time, that shows commitment.
Experience, I believe you already have loads of that but perhaps if you can volunteer at some main-stream nurserys you may get a more rounded viewpoint.

And finally stay in touch, there's a great bunch of people on here who will help you all the way thorugh and keep you sane.

Paul x


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Welcome, Robbie.  Stick to your dreams - it may be a long path, but no step is wasted.

Good luck!


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## rahraftw (Sep 12, 2014)

thanks so much guys  gonna go and speak to some local agencies next week just to get myself known  ill let you all know how i get on  x


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