# R my hubby and I less worthy cos we don't have kids???



## riley (Sep 22, 2008)

I was watching a discusssion on TV today and found myself getting more and more annoyed. Apparently its having children that really makes u as a couple! What about the hospital apps, disscusions about what we should do next and endless tears that infertility has caused us. Surely this bonds a couple but no, did u no that its only by having children together u can actually be considered to have shared something so wonderful that you will forever be united... Yes I agree i'm sure it is an amazing feeling but I no some couples who have made children that have bonded as much as I have with my breakfast for goodness sake. I feel that my relationship with my hubby will never be considered as special as we don't have children. Am I alone in feeling this?  It is only since I have discovered we are unable to have children have I thought about this.


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## Guest (Dec 2, 2008)

Riley,
I'm glad I didn't watch this programme, it would make me so upset  !   to you for watching it. Unfortunately too many (unkind and uneducated) people make such comments. People really just don't know how it is for those with IF. It's like us with normal mobility telling someone in a wheelchair that they haven't got a full life because they can't ahve a walk in the park or a cycle ride. Surely it's not their fault and it'll only make them upset to hear this ... Similarly, all of us on FF would have loved to have kids and cannot have them of no fault of our own.
Please don't listen to such comments. Of course you and DH have a special bond that comes from your love and support to each other and you are already a family, you've united your two families in your union. I don't know what your journey had been so far but I wish you the best in the world for completing your family, in some way. 
Rivka x


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## nbr1968 (Feb 25, 2008)

Dear riley 

Thank you for raising this subject - society does focus on what they call "families" (and by that I mean they say a family is man, woman, and 2.4 children) and everyone else is excluded from this special club - and yet there are so many others forging their own definition of family, but we are not recognised.

At the moment I am sick of all the advertising where it seems that the ONLY way to enjoy Christmas is for those with children, and I am left feeling like somehow with just the two of us there is something missing. 

And yet, like you, i know people who have children who, if they could tell the truth, they would rather not have at all. And then there are those who have been lucky enough to have children, and all of a sudden turn into smug, self righteous, preachers telling us that our relationships are somehow not as fulfilled as theirs - in my more cynical moments I like to think of them in 18 years time when they have grown apart and the only thing keeping them together are the children and then when they leave home, they become one of those growing armies of divorcees who say "we just had nothing in common anymore other than our children!". Ah, the victory will be ours!!! (evil laugh!!!!!)

No seriously, as you rightly said what you and DH have gone through, those "smug heads" could not even begin to understand, and the fact that you and DH are closer because of your shared experiences shows that you are united, and that is just as valid as those with children who say they are united because of that.

Rant over
Nbrxxx


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## Natalie01 (Jun 10, 2007)

Hi Riley,

You are certainly brave to watch that show, I wouldn't have had the courage.

I am sure that we have all about how our partners will cope knowing that we are not able to give them children, however, I have observed that there are so many couples who get married, start a family at the drop of the hat and then divorce thirty years later  because their children are the only thing that they had in common...sad but true.  One of the very few silver linings to our situation is at least we get the really get to know our partners over the years, and I personally feel thankful that I found out the truth when I was very young so I could be open and honest as I met my DH.  That kind of a bond is certainly worth a lot to me.


  

Natalie


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