# appt Friday as Egg Sharer would like to hear from Egg recipricants



## lotsky (Sep 29, 2006)

Hi
I'm 29 ( 2 days ago ) and have had 2 IUIs in a Natural Cycle. Full fertility work up and nothing wrong except hostile cervical mucus.
I have made an appointment in a London clinic to have initial consultation to be an egg sharer.
I would like to skip IUI and move onto IVF straight away. 
Our motivation to be an egg sharer is not financial as we could afford IVF if we really rubbed the pennies together, however I have suffered this IF journey long enough, and if I could help someone else out along the way Id feel forever relieved and happy Ive done a decent deed. Ive spoken in chat and boards to people and I'm sure someone could be very happy in 2007 with my eggs.

I'm looking through the Egg Share boards as Friday we have our consultation in London, and I spoke to the clinic on the phone who said we would most likely be accepted, and TX could begin as soon as a recipients found and a few tests are done. This is likely to be 4 to 8 weeks maximum so I don't have long to do my research. 

I don't see much on the boards from recipients. Alot from other potential sharers but not from the people who would get the eggs and their feelings. As an egg sharer my biggest concern is a child knocking on my door when they are 18.DH and I strongly believe that if a woman has gone throu' this IF journey that they will love this egg greatly so to all purposes the egg is theirs. My feelings are that if a child is not brought up by me, nurtured by me  that I will not have any bond with it. No emotional tie.
The clinic is asking us that if we were to do a egg share programme that I would have to write a 'goodwill letter'. I would like  to write the goodwill letter to the 'egg' telling it that it to me was just that. An egg. That my motivation was my IF journey and to help someone else, and that they should not come knocking because their mother is their birth mother etc. Obviously worded in a careful and considerate way but you get the picture. Id say DH and I just wanted to relieve the pain we were feeling over IF for another desperate family.
I was also wondering about how people feel about influencing the choice over who the egg goes to. 

It sound a bit contradictory to what Ive just said but Id like my eggs to go to just one recipient so that they could potentially freeze any excess eggs for future siblings, and maybe also to a recipient who also has a child via egg donation so that the child may not be an only child. 

I am not racist by any means ( my sisters man comes from another ethnic background ) however I do feel also that my eggs should be matched to my ethnic group which is European white blond hair, etc. It will be easier for the child to accept their birth mother as their real mother if they look the same. Also, as I'd rather the birth mother never tell the truth to avoid the knock at the door this is the best scenario for us.

Sorry for this post if it comes across 'opinionated' Ive got alot to consider in a short space of time and I can understand egg sharers feelings as I could potentially be one, its the people who get the egg I would like to hear from to make sure. I just want to know that the mothers who get eggs never feel that somethings missing, and do they ? don't they tell the child at 18 ? because obviously I wouldn't feel at all responsible or want to be responsible for any such child, and would want to avoid a 'clash of the two worlds'.

Please reply even if you want to express your opinion which is against my opinions maybe you change my ideas? as I want to go to my appointment well informed and know about the emotional side to it all. Ive got to be sure if you know what I mean.

x Lotsky


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## aweeze (Nov 8, 2005)

Hi Lotsky - we have met before in the chatroom 

As an Egg sharer there is quite alot I could feedback to you on the areas that you have touched on in your post however I appreciate that it is really recipients that you want to hear from (and I'm just off out anyway ). 

Egg recipients tend to post over on the next door board - Donor Egg/Sperm and there have been discussions of this sort previously over there - it might be worth having a look through that board hun. 

Lots of luck for your appointment  

Lou
X


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Hey Lotsky, we have chatted in the chatroom too 

Anyway, I am an egg recipient so I thought I would let you have my views..........................

When I found out I couldnt ever conceive using my own eggs I was devastated.  There is no other word for it. All my life, all I have ever wanted is to be a mummy. I did all the right things, was careful not to get pregnant when I was young and daft, waited till I found the right man that I wanted to be the father of my children, then started ttc. After a year or so of heartbreak I found out that I would never conceive naturally 

I was then told about egg donation. I had counselling, researched, lots of soul searching with DP, and ultimately my thoughts were "thank god for lovely angels who donate their eggs so that women like me can have a chance at achieving their dreams".

I look at it like this. You donate an egg, this is an egg that every month you just flush down the toilet. That egg would not have life without being fertilised by my partner's sperm. The embryo is then implanted in my body. It is my womb that nutures the embryo and gives it warmth and nourishment, it is my body that forms a placenta to feed the baby, and it is my body that expands and grows to accommodate my baby, and finally it is my body that will go through the pain of childbirth, so the baby that is born is mine and my DP's alone. A few genes are from yourself as a donor, but the rest? Well that is down to me and my DP.

Never will a child be more loved and wanted and cared for than my baby honey. As a donor I can imagine you have feelings such as, "what if the baby isnt cared for properly". I can put your mind at rest here. When I eventually get my dream, that baby will be the most special thing in the whole wide world.

Ladies like yourself who donate their eggs? I can't even find the words to thank you  without ladies like yourself where would I be? I would never ever get the chance to achieve my dream. I know we can adopt, and even if IVF is eventually successful this is something we would still like to do, but to get the chance to have my DP's baby? Our baby? It truly is a dream come true 

I think your letter sounds a lovely thing to do. I worry as a recipient that any such letter from the donor will be too emotional and that when I tell my child about you, if he/she reads something really emotional they might start getting feelings of needing to find you. I think a letter explaining that you are donating an egg, just that, to help someone who is desperate for a child, is a really good thing to do.

We started this journey way before the new law was passed that the child could have details of their donor. Even then we had always decided that we would tell our child the circumstances of it's birth. We will tell it that we wanted it sooooo much, we just needed a special angel to help us on our way 

To touch upon your point about the recipients - I am pretty sure the clinics only match eggs to donors of the same ethnic origin, colouring, etc so I don't think you need dwell it hun.

If and when I get my dream Lotsky I will never feel that something is "missing" because I am not the genetic mother. How could I? I will love my baby with all my heart and soul. I know my baby is out there somewhere, waiting for me, it's just a matter of time before we are brought together 

Well, sorry about that huge waffly post honey, but........... you did ask! 

If you have any more questions you would like to ask me, please feel free.

Love
Tracy
xx


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## lotsky (Sep 29, 2006)

Miss TC No Hon, its reading replies like yours that convince me this is the right thing to do. 

Before signing up to FF I don't think I would have known about the idea or even have contemplated it. 
I spent the most part of my IF journey alone in my own world where I felt like the odd one out, the only woman in the world with infertility. Now I'm on the path to help someone else too.

I think as a Infertility 'patient' myself its easy to undersand how you might feel. Infertility has consumed my life and I'd hope my egg share would come to someone who has the same thinking of you. Id like my egg recipient to feel exactly like you do towards my egg. To me its just an egg. To you its your chance to have your OWN family which without YOU it would never have happened too. The thought of 'will my egg be cared for did cross my mind', but responses like yours have put my mind at rest, it really has, and its made me feel even more like, 'Its just an egg, which, quite true, may not have been fertilized by me anyway".


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## Meia (Jan 8, 2007)

Hi Lotsky, I have already posted a reply on another board but have just read about your intention to write a goodwill letter to your eggs and I just wanted to convey that this is something I would definately do myself, should I have been in the fortunate positon of having good eggs to share.

I am looking for a donor, ideally in the UK rather than abroad. I am worried about the motives of donors abroad, particularly where largish fees are given for the donation and ideally would love to find an altruistic donor, such as yourself, in the UK. Giving away part of yourself and your own genetic make up is no easy task and one not to be undertaken lightly. You clearly have given a huge amount of thought about your own motives for doing so. Similarly it takes a lot of courage and soul searching before embarking on an egg donation programme to receive eggs from a stranger but whoever you help in the process could only be comforted by the thought that you have done this purely to help people less fortunate than yourself - people longing to have a child/family. 

For my own part, if I was donating, I would not be wishing a child to be knocking on my door in 18 years time and the act of giving eggs to people in need, is not a decision to be a parent or nurturer to those eggs/potential children. You are giving away part of yourself to make parenthood possible for someone else. You will have your own children as and when you decide to have them. A child born as a result of your eggs and the sperm of the recipients'partner will be nurtured in the womb of the recipient and parented by people unknown to yourself. 

I commend you for your selfless act of kindness and just wish there were many, many more fertile ladies out there who will consider egg donation or egg sharing schemes.

I wish you all the luck in the world and best wishes
Maia


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## shasha (Aug 23, 2006)

Hiya,
I am an egg sharer at the Lister. I had tears in my eyes reading the posts but feel vindicated in for choosing to share. I really want to help someone else to become a mother just like I want to. For me it was the one of the easiest decision, for hubby it was as if his world was crumbling. He finally came to accept it when he dawned on him that money had nothing to do with it. I'm 32 and I don't have much time to have my kids and then donate (because of the age limit), so egg sharing is like killing two birds with one stone. I just feel so guilty that the recepient is paying out so much. If I come into money during the treatment (lottery may be), I will definetly pay for all of it. I don't really care who gets it as long as the child is loved and care for. But to accept someone else egg means the ultimate love. Well I wish I was the child.


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## midwifedee (Jan 2, 2007)

Hi Sasha and Lotsky,
I am so proud of you girls for becoming donor/egg sharers cos without girls like you, couples like us would not be able to go ahead and get any further forward on our journeys to becoming Mums and Dads.

Please , I hope everyting goes well for you both, You are such wonderful ladies to be ae to give such and powerfula dn wonderful gift..
THANK YOU...    

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