# Ideas for coping with fertility issues?



## lily1980 (Feb 2, 2012)

I have found this website an absolute god send for information but also for support from all the lovely ladies on here.  I've had a really bad few months recently - feeling exceptionally down, crying for no reason, scared to go to GP incase they said I needed anti depressants and that would affect my fertility even further.  I think as well I was so bogged down with me that I failed to notice the impact on my DH who is not one for sharing his feelings - it took my mother pointing out to me that my marriage looked like it was suffering to really take note - and even then it still took such an effort to think about anything other than desperately wanting to be pregnant.

The last few weeks I have felt so much better and I thought maybe it would be useful for us ladies to have a thread to share any ideas for coping with this time in our lives.  

I know everyone is different and please believe me when I say I'm not a natural gym bunny but I have restarted all my exercise classes recently and I honestly think whatever chemicals are getting released are helping me feel better.  I'm forcing myself to go to classes even if I can't be bothered and after an hour of bodycombat the release of stress is great.  I'm also getting my previous level of fitness back which is energising and helping me sleep better.

As me and DH no longer have wild nights out - partly because I'm not drinking but also we have so outgrown that (a nice dinner wins anytime!) - we have taken up a new hobby together.  Golf!!!  He is an ok player and I'm terrible but we have been up to the driving range and have such a laugh and it good fun doing something together.

Anyone else got any ideas on how they cope with this time in our lives and stop it being the total focus of every waking moment? x


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi Lily,

I hope you don't mind me replying.

We do have a DS now, but TTC took over our life's for 4 years.

I don't know your financial situation, but as me and DH both worked we were comfortable.  We basically enjoyed life, as we knew that when a child come along, either biologically or through adoption then our life would be very limited.

We went on lovely holidays, weekend's away, theatre and hotel breaks in London.  It also doesn't have to cost a lot as we would look at last minute cheap deals.

I am so glad we done all those things, as now all we can manage is Centre Parc's or a week at Butlins!

I wish you all the best.

Stacey
X


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## lily1980 (Feb 2, 2012)

Thanks for replying Stacey. Myself and DH both work so we are ok money wise and have been going for meals and other night's out although we did have a lull over the summer. Also planning some winter sunshine in January but only if I'm not pg so will book at Christmas.

Positive mood still here so think the exercise is working!!!x


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Hi lily1980

It's great that you've started up your classes again, and that you and DH are enjoying golf together, sounds perfect and lots of fun.  Sounds like you're heading in the right direction in terms of looking after yourself.  I know docs always suggest exercise for anyone experiencing low moods as the chemicals that are released help re-balance things (apparently!).  I'm not sure if it's the same thing for me, as I don't really do (or enjoy) exercise but what I've done to help me cope with our IF journey is to keep creative!  I've done pottery on and off for about 24 years now!  I absolutely love it so I do that on a weekly basis, I've also started going to a sewing class, sounds boring I know, but I'm loving being creative there too!  Also, a while a go I did belly dancing but gave it up part way through my treatment as everything started to get too much for me, so something had to give.  But I'm thinking of taking it up again as it was such a good laugh and a fun way of getting exercise  

So like you, I think the key is to try and keep busy doing things you enjoy and that help keep your mind distracted, it gives our minds a bit of time out.  DH and I also try and do nice things together, like mini weekend breaks away or nice days out.

I reckon when any couple starts out on the IF journey there should be a 'survival guide' handed out as standard  

xx


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## lily1980 (Feb 2, 2012)

Hi Nosila, having a survival book would be amazing - I guess though FF is our own Survival guide that we can keep updating.  

I've always really fancied pottery although I should add I'm not a terribly creative person - you could keep v busy making little Christmas gifts for people.  I've turned so domesticated recently - I've for the first year ever made individual Christmas puddings which I feed whisky every week.  My DH thinks that I've transformed into Nigella Lawson lol.  

I reckon belly dancing would count as good exercise - that will get all your happy chemicals flowing and you can have such a good laugh whilst doing it!!!
xx


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

You should give pottery a go!  You'd have a good laugh    Love the idea of little individual Christmas pudds - I'm not great at baking but when I do give it a go I always enjoy it - last year I made my own mince pies, I was very chuffed with myself    Hey, nothing wrong with being compared to Nigella eh, gotta be good!  You're right though, that FF is in fact our survival guide which is constantly being updated by us all.  xx


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## tiptoetill (Oct 13, 2012)

lately i have been feeling just the same, depressed,sad,crying all of time and too scared to tell doc in case they give me antidepressants. I have been considering swimming again and i def think i will after reading that, i enjoy walking the dog and looking after my pets does help. My partner and I also go ballroom dancing which is fun(as we are so terrible) but its a good laugh (also its adults only so no children to make you feel bad and most people there are older) and its something we do together and i think that helps.  I have been getting acupuncture too and this helps to calm me down and also gives me someone impartial to talk to.


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Ooo love the idea of ballroom dancing!  And great that it's adults only so no children around.  Sounds like you have some great things going on


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## lily1980 (Feb 2, 2012)

Agree ballroom dancing sounds great - lots and lots of of sequins springs to mind!  There is actually no way my DH would even contemplate that - even though he probably has more natural dance ability than me.  I would also love a dog as sometimes i borrow my brothers for long walks and it so relaxing and fun.

Tiptoe - I also do acupuncture and I find it so relaxing.  I think its great you are thinking about swimming but I just wanted to share with you what my acupuncturist said. She advised me against swimming as it is too cold and I think it is because it may divert engery/blood etc from the uterus.  She was also worried about possible infection.  I know different acupuncturists encourage and discourage different things so don't want to put you off especially as this is all meant to be about doing things that make us feel good but just thought i should say xxxx


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## Bisdil (Apr 26, 2012)

Hi Ladies,  

I hope you don't mind me joining you. I'm going through 3rd cycle this year and feeling particularly terrible at the moment. Very low- crying, irrational moods & generally an inability to cope with anything! Poor DH doesn't know what's hit him this time around! 

Anyway, I was loving your suggestions. I know that exercise would help me but I feel so lethargic & lazy I just can't bring myself to do anything. It's a vicious circle as being idle means I am miserable & being miserable means I don't want to do anything! How can I pull myself together and shake myself out of this mess?! 

On a slightly more positive note, I have sorted out my sewing room & have started quilting again! Getting the creative juices flowing is definitely good forthe soul! 

I'd be nice to also do something with DH that we both enjoy-I suppose we have done theatre together and some nice lunches/ dinners out. I need to get the motivation to go out on the bike with him to take the dog for his run! Hmm. 

Thanks everyone for your ideas- found it v helpful! 

B xx


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Being creative is _definitely _ good for the soul (and mind!)  xx


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## lily1980 (Feb 2, 2012)

I quite fancy quilting as think its such a nice idea to have all those memories together but not sure I would even know how to begin.  I was off work in the summer recovering from an op and started making homemade Christmas cards - I think it was the first time in my life I had been artistic! Ha ha.

Bisdil, getting out with your dog and cycling would be even better than exercising at the gym.  It would be so much more fun and you'd get plenty freshair - hopefully if your DH is up for cycling then you can motivate each other?  And you could always make it a wee outing where you can stop at some cycle friendly pub for a bite to eat and quality time together.  Hope you start to feel better soon
xxxx


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## lily1980 (Feb 2, 2012)

I've just deactivated my ******** account - I feel quite liberated!!!! No more baby news surprises from people I've not seen for years - should have done this ages ago xxx


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Ah 'tis a really good feeling isn't it - and liberating as you say    It really helped me and haven't ever regretted it....bye bye 'Gloatbook'   xxx


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## Mooncat (Oct 26, 2012)

Oooh, I like this thread, mind if I join in?

Definitely agree about exercise. I’ve never been sporty, but these days I swim, go to zumba (sooo much fun), run (I say run, it’s more of a trot!) and cycle on my new mountain bike which I LOVE! 

I love the idea of being creative too, though it doesn’t come naturally to me, but I’ve been doing more adventurous cooking and taught myself to knit. I’ve started a beanie hat that I’m hoping to finish before spring 

Giving up ******** is an interesting idea. I used to love it as a way of keeping up with people, but like many others my feed is now a stream of baby pics and announcements   Will definitely consider, thanks ladies xx


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## Moonshadow_73 (Feb 17, 2012)

I think part of learning to cope with IF issues is learning to put yourself first sometimes. There have been so many instances where I've been upset because of other people's insensitivity, or simply because I've not been in a good place (such as after a failed cycle) but I've kept quiet and gone along to events, sat and listened to the 'happy families' chat because I've wanted to keep others happy. Then after everyone goes home I've sat and mourned the fact I don't have what they do. I'm learning that it's okay to remove yourself from those situations, a bit like deactivating ** (which I have literally just done, thank you!!!)

I don't want to offend others but the people who care about me will understand. There will come a time when I will feel able to sit and listen to others talk about their children but it's not now. The people who care about me will still be there when I'm ready.

On a lighter note, exercise is definitely a good option. I do a couple of high impact classes a week to get the endorphins pumping, but also get the feel good factor from Pilates, cycling or just walking (especially if the walk includes a stop at a cafe!). I'm also taking care to eat healthily not just I want to be in good shape if I become pregnant, but also because it makes me feel better and I have more energy. At the same time I'm not going to give myself a hard time for having the occasional takeaway or piece of cake.

I think in some ways I'm trying to reconnect with life outside of IF. Do things I want to do, spend time with hb and not talk about IF. I'm not giving up on IF, nor am I trying to claim all is rosy (a night out with work last night, listening to them all talk about taking their children to the panto/to see Father Christmas ended in an early departure and floods of tears). I guess I'm just trying to find a balance.

I also invested in a light therapy lamp last year (aka SAD lamp). I think it has helped through the darker winter months and would recommend it to anyone who feels their mood drops over winter.

Take care all

Jen


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

*Mooncat*, I've always wanted to give Zumba a go but haven't yet found anyone who'll come with  As I was reading your post I was trawling through friends names thinking "would they come with me??"....I might find out if there is a class near me! I've also taught myself to knit, using some books found online and good old YouTube! It's been great at distracting my mind and keeping me sane. I also signed up to a sewing class, it's been really good fun - have made a couple of things (prob only suitable for lounging around the house in  ) and next project is hopefully a bag! Good luck with the beanie!

*Moonshadow*, I think you're definitely right about learning to put yourself first sometimes. I find it really hard to be selfish, it's just not in my nature, and am always trying to please others but IF has taught me that sometimes, as much as it disappoints others, I sometimes have to be selfish and put my own thoughts and feelings first. Well done on deactivating ** - I'm sure you'll notice a huge sense of relief! As you say, the people who really care about you will still be there when you're ready - you don't need ** for that. Nightmare about your work night out last night  No wonder you had to make an early departure - I would have too. Can I ask where you got your SAD lamp from? I've been thinking about getting one of those for ages, but I know they're really expensive but could be something worth getting.

xx


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## Moonshadow_73 (Feb 17, 2012)

Hi Nosilab, I just got the lamp off Amazon. HB did the research and opted for the Philips Blu-lite. There are a range at different prices but that one seemed to get good reviews. I agree they're not cheap but I'm on my second year of daily use (over winter) and think it's been worth the outlay (and I was pretty cynical!). My GP said she rates them and that research does support that they are effective


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Cool, thanks very much for info. Will get on to Amazon and have a good old browse


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## keenbean (May 11, 2012)

Hi Ladies

In September I taught myself how to crochet and I'm loving it! I have made lots of Christmas presents and am making wee snowflakes for the front of Christmas cards. Believe it or not I'm in the middle of making a baby blanket for one of my best friends who is expecting a baby in April. She was so scared to tell me she was pregnant and is still so careful of my feelings that it's my way of welcoming her wee one to the world. I think making things for other people is very cathartic and it gives me something to look forward to when the day job isn't very satisfying. I wish I could find something for DH to enjoy too as he was told of low sperm count this week and is really down about it. This time of year is so tough isn't it?
Get crocheting!!
Love, Keenbean x


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## Mooncat (Oct 26, 2012)

Moonshadow - You're so right about being a bit selfish and putting our own feelings first. I made that a resolution this new - mixed success, but I'm definitely less worried about offending people than I used to be! Exercise undoubtedly helps, especially if it's out in the fresh air. Really relate to what you say about finding a balance, it can be some all-consumingm, easy to start to lose your identity. Glad you sound like you're coping ok, we all have moments where it just gets too much, sometimes they take me completely by surprise, but can't let this stop us living our lives 

Nosilab - I started zumba on my own about 18 months ago, various friends have joined me for a month or two, but at the moment it's just me again. I love it, it's basically just lots of types of dancing, all to really lively music. Definitely recommend it! You sound very creative. My knitting skills are fairly dire... but the beanie isn't too ambitious, so hopefully I'll manage it - might post a pic if I do!

Keenbean - Another creative type, nice  This time of year is very tough, I think I may be on here quite a lot


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Hi *Mooncat*, will definitely look into the zumba, sounds like a good laugh! Hmm, well I like to _try _ and be creative, but my knitting skills can be pretty dire too, but I just enjoy giving it a go. Yes please do post a pic of your beanie if you finish it - would be fab to see it! 

Love the fact there are so many creative people on here! *Keenbeen*, I love the idea of crochet too! What a lovely gift you're making for your friend's baby  . Yes, this time of year is definitely tough!

xx


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## lily1980 (Feb 2, 2012)

Ladies I think you have inspired me to crochet or knit - I would love to make little tea cosys as presents so maybe that can be next years project - though it might be the kind of present that only my mum would love ha ha!!!  A picture of the beanie and the crocheting would be great to see once you have completed it.

Moonshadow you are so right about putting yourself (and DH) first when you are going through this time.  We normally have both families at us over Christmas but this year I'm due the dreaded AF on Christmas Day and I just can't face putting a brave smile on all day and all night (our guests always stay till at least midnight!!!).  So we have decided we will have a very lazy day but will do visits morning and afternoon to both respective families then have an evening in our pjs eating our chocolates.  I'm also not going to be hard on myself if i want a couple of glasses of bubbly.  We've also decieded to get away for a couple in Januarys so we can spend Christmas night looking through brochures of sunny shores   

I know what you mean Nosila about waiting on friends to do a class or something with you, if you want to do Zumba then I reckon just go for it - if you wait on other folk then you might never get there    I do a few classes a week and my friend used to go but not anymore - its quite nice to get chatting to other folk in the class which I never do when my buddy was with me.  


xxxx


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Lily1980, definitely give knitting (or crochet) a go, I wasn't sure that I'd enjoy it when I started about a year ago, but it's quite addictive and fun!  Have a go at those tea cosies they'd be fab pressies  

So, I've looked into Zumba classes and it turns out they run classes where I work, which is very handy!  Also a friend has said she'll come with me.  So we're going to give it a go in the new year    couldn't find a Zumba related smiley so it had to be a dancing banana! Lol!

xxx


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## Mooncat (Oct 26, 2012)

Yay for your Zumba Nosilab! And loving the dancing banana - Monday night is Zumba night for me, so that'll be me later


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

that made me laugh Mooncat!  Enjoy Zumba this eve! x


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