# Pregnancy and Parenting after Infertility - Donor Recipients - Part 26



## bundles

New home ladies  Happy chatting 

Please let me know if you want me to add a baby list for you.
Old thread here: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=320729.0

Bundles xx


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## WolfyOne

Ooo fresh thread


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## juju81

Lindz, I'm desperate for a 3rd.  Nick considered IT for a week but has now decided he doesn't want to go back to it all again.  Doesn't want to be an old parent in the playground   blah blah blah.  I'm gutted.  They will love school.  Noah does.  Took him a term to settle but he thinks it's great now!

Pinkcat. It's not anything you will have done.  Don't blame yourself  

We're just back from centre parcs.  Took noah out of school for 3days (2 were inset!). He broke his foot 3 weeks ago jumping off the sofa.  He's in full cast to his knee so that's been interesting  . Still, he won't do it again.....  cast off Thursday.  We got a cast cover online so he was still able to go swimming


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

lol ju old parent in the playground    remind him of our age!!!  

Nm sorry to hear about your dad


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## carrie lou

Thanks Bundles for the new thread   


Nm, so very sorry to hear about your dad    


Pinkcat, I'm sure it's nothing you have done - as you say, your other two are fine. Glad you have a referral at last, hopefully you get some answers   


Lindz, oh honey, it's so hard. I would also love a third baby. Not sure if I'm being greedy or maybe crazy   But I live in hope. It's also quite a scary thought though, going through all that again   


I have the same concerns re Zac starting school. Currently he does 3 mornings a week at nursery and it does seem quite a jump to 5 full days especially as he will be one of the youngest. However, his school start all reception children mornings only for the first couple of weeks, so I suppose we can just take things from there and see how he goes...


Ju, oh poor Noah   Makes you think though - Zac is always jumping around like a little monkey, lucky he hasn't suffered an injury yet! Hope you enjoyed Center Parcs   


Hope everyone well. Zac is 4 on Tuesday!!!! Where did that go?!


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

Carrie Lucas is a July baby and was fine in school. He did 2 mornings then went straight into full days. He was really tired and hungry for the first term but is generally ok now. 

I like the thought of a third but in reality it's    I've got my life back and couldn't go back to babyhood


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## DaisyMaisy

Hi ladies..... Can I join? I have 2 year old twins who are de conceived. Xx


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## carrie lou

Daisy welcome   The more the merrier   


Mini, I'm sure you're right. He will be fine once he adjusts.


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## My Son is My World

Just checking in to the new thread. Haven't had chance to read back on the old post so sorry for the lack of personals.

Juju - I LOVE center parcs! Think we're going to book to go again in sept as my ds will be pretty much 2 by then so he'll be able to do so many more of the activities.

Hope everyone else is doing well xx


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## juju81

Welcome DaisyMaisy 

Carrie, Noahs school started full time straight away.  No messing.  Sometimes I think that's easier.  He'll adjust though if he doesn't struggle.  May isnt that late, im sure he'll be fine  

My son is ky world...I love CP.  Kids love it too.  phoebes only 1 and even she loved being free and having a wonder around.  

Phoebe is a right character.  Climbing, eating things she shouldn't.  The relationship between the two is just amazing.


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## Lindz

Right- I'm booking CP for Sep just before school starts as a treat to look forward to- you guys talked me into it !😄


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥




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## juju81

Haha do it do it!! 

Carrie I was looking earlier for next August.  £1k


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## Sapphire952

Hi ladies, can I please ask yur advice/views on using different donors for siblings? Our preferred donor has limited stock and we're unabke to purchase more than one vial until we have a confirmed pregnancy.  Any thoughts very much appreciated


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## wilberdoo

Hi ladies
I recognise most of you on here from the donor thread.  Hope you don't mind if I join you, I just got my BFP today and feel like I can finally say hello!! Bit apprehensive but so excited!! xxx


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## hopeful wifey

Wilber - welcome sweetie - so so pleased for you ) bet you and dh are on cloud 9 ) all worth the long long wait ) 

Sapphire - we had to change donors before our last IUI (we did 4 in total before moving  onto IVF)  as although we had bought 4 straws originally and used 3 He had stopped donating so I was worried that we would not have any left if t did work and unsure if we would be able to order more. 

We changed at the very last minute to a new donor and ordered 6 straws. I am so glad we did as the original donor never went back to xytex to donate again or to release the sperm that was already sitting there by having his blood tests etc. nightmare ! 

We have 4 more straws of aperm on ice and some frosties from the last IVF cycle so I am hoping against hope that if we do decide to try for a sibling this will be enough to get us there. If not then we will be in the situation of choosing another donor as well - but am trying not to think about it at the moment. My gut definitely told me not to use the original donor as I think I just knew it would be an issue xx 

Such a hard decision hon but I guess what I am trying to say is go with your gut x


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

We didn't change donor but we do have 1 donor concieved child and one natural pregnancy. They don't look a like but they love each other and there's no difference at all between them.


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## keemjay

I apologise for gatecrashing this thread but was wondering if anyone had anything useful to advise for a friend


Friend has 7 yr old daughter from (I'm pretty sure) donor eggs and donor sperm..def donor eggs anyway. she is running into some problems with her relationship with her daughter, in fact it is at crisis point today..her DD is very very angry, punching, kicking, hitting, pulling hair,basically attcking her mother..she is home educated so I think they are in very close proximity all day and its quite intense however I dont think this is the root of the problem.
because I am an adopter and am tuned into attachment problems/behaviour stemming from past experiences etc I've been pondering today whether, like an adopted child of similar age, her DD is reacting to her 'dawning' for want of a better word,  of what the donor aspect of her lfe really means for her. I might be way off the mark but it did seem a possibility. my own adopted daughter went (still is in fact) through a difficicult period where she came to terms with what adoption really meant for her and it all just rang alarm bells bit. 
just wondering if anyone has heard of children from donor IVF/ICSI becoming difficult at all as they work things through or am i just inventing things!?


thanks for any advice you can give


ki x


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## carrie lou

Hi keemjay.  I haven't heard of this myself and my children are younger so I'm not sure I can advise but didn't want to read and run. I wonder whether the donor conception network could help at all as they might have had experience of similar situations. From what you've written, you are not certain that donor eggs/sperm were involved, is that right? Are you close enough to this friend that you could broach the subject? It may be easier to help if you know all the facts. Good luck and let us know how you get on  

Guess what girls, I am an aunty   My sister had her little boy on Sunday night, 7 lb 3 oz.


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## keemjay

thanks for the reply Carrie..congrats on becoming an auntie  
my friend definitely used donor egss..just not sure if it was her DH's sperm or not. I'll have a look at the donor conception network..thanks for the tip  
kj x


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

Congrats Carrie


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## Mrs tinkerbell

Hi, Can I join you guys. I have a beautiful almost 6 month old girl Zoe concived via DIUI. We are a long way off having to.tell her but I thought being on here will be good for me. Also we plan to have another DIUI and try for a second child in July.


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## amandaloo

Pinkcat- really happy to hear that news thank goodness you must be so relieved . its such a worry when you think there may be something wrong xx 

Tinkerbell- how's it going trying ? Welcome xxx

Hope your all ok. I haven't logged on for a while been busy going on holidays 🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞 . The only way I could get over loosing my beloved dog Jess who I had for nearly 17 years . Also to get over loosing our battle of not having any luck  trying for number 2 . Been to Kos then Corfu and booked Centreparcs in September 😀😀😀. 

Just watching Mama Mia and wondering if the stars cringe when they watch it 😁😁😁😁


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## ceci.bee

Hi everyone sorry have been MIA its been a loooooooooong time with no sleep since Arthur was born in Feb, but starting to emerge slightly from the haze - he is nearly 6 months cannot believe it! 

So lovely to see wifey and wilberdoo here - wifey I can' believe you had your LO already, that seems really quick   

hope everyone is ok, J is starting school also in sept but he is really ready for it and lots of his mates from nursery are going to the same school so not too worried - but we are moving house the same week, so it is going to be all go for a while! 

lots of love to all
Ceci


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## Fizzypop

Hello everyone, a quick hello from me too as I dropped off when the new thread was started, oops! Time flying here too, over half way through mat leave and enjoying the time with my babies while I can  

Sam is 7.5 months and crawling/trying to walk!!! Have a whole year still before Mya starts nursery as she was late, she will be more than ready by next year. 

We are also moving house but no date yet as our chain is stuck at the top. 

Us Ladies do like to challenge ourselves don't we!!

Will try to catch up and follow along


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## K jade

Hi Ladies, 
i hope u dont mind me gatecrashing for a quick  question ??
im about to start with DS after a looong time soul searching 
if im lucky enough to be sucessful my mind has started drifting to our potential baby and what they will be 'like'
i dont think genetics are particularly significant, but obviously they have some influence over looks and facial features. 
so my question is - how do you feel if your baby has -well- facial features you dont regognise , or if they do not look like you at all
does it make you think about the person who donated?
does it make you feel anything at all?
hope it doesnt seem like to blunt a question, would just be intersted in opinions of those in the know
any thoughts would be appriciated, good or bad!
K x


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## Lee22

Hi Jade. I'm a "new" mom to a beautiful LG so don't have as much experience as some ladies. My Lg is 8 months old
I'm so glad to hear that you are close to starting. Good luck!
As for looks of your baby.....yes I do sometimes look at her and see features that aren't mine but as I have a few pictures of the donor when he was a kid, I can definitely see those features that are similar.
She definitely looks a lot like me and everyone comments about it, but you have to smile as people are just comparing her to my husband and myself, so obviously she will look more like me.
People will ALWAYS comment when your baby arrives and say that they look like your husband or you. It's natural. People will see what they want to see. If they want to see your husband in the baby they will.
I do sometimes get sad not seeing my husband in her face but then I see him play with her and how she laughs and loves him and how much he loves her and that goes away. 
The most important thing is that your baby is happy and healthy. The other things are just fleeting thoughts that brush into your mind and then disappear again.
I'm so thankful to our donor for giving us such an amazing gift.


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## DaisyMaisy

We have b/g twins who are from de. Ds tools like dh (well, his dad actually- he's like a mini granddad). Dd doesn't look like dh at all. Lots of people say that she is the spit of me.  I just say thank you. The clinic clearly did a good job st matching. I do look at th sometimes and feel sad that they are not genetically mine- I can't take credit for how perfect they are, but they are well behaved, well mannered two year olds, and I can take credit for that. A 'big boy' pushed ds today and he just stood there and took it. When the boy did it again, he just looked at him and said no thank you and walked away. They are them because of me. I'm shaping them. They are part of me. Xxx


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## Flipsy

We have 10 month old B/G twins from donor egg & donor sperm. Just had failed FET. They are our babies & we don't consider them 'donor'.

It's true people see what they want. A couple came up to us the other day & said ' your son is the spit of his daddy'. People also say he looks like my dad. I was on my own with them & apparently they look exactly like me.

We will always tell them how they were conceived. I do think about the 'donors' but that's because I'm so grateful to them. We have photos of our male donor as a baby but I didn't want to see them. They are our babies at the end of the day. I carried them for 8 months.

Good luck on your journey xxx


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## DaisyMaisy

We have photos too of our donor, but I've not looked at them. They are in our file however, so when the twins are older and if they choose, they can look at her. I always talk to them about the donor and their tummy mummy. I know that the part in mummy that makes a baby is 'broken'. Xxx


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## Flipsy

*DaisyMaisy* - we also have a file full of information on our donors ready for them to access.


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## Jes87

Hey ladies, just found the thread so hope you don't mind me joining you all. We have a nearly 9 month old daughter conceived with donor sperm.

K Jade. My daughter doesn't really look like me, but is the spit of her mum as a baby. Honestly doesn't bother me one bit, I don't even think of the donor on a day to day basis. My extended family (who all know) love to tell me how she has certain features of my mums side of the family (she doesn't), which always makes me chuckle. Ummmm, pretty sure that's biologically impossible unless I somehow donated sperm from an alternate reality.


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## K jade

thank you all for your replies , very helpful xx

Jes you never know! my DH tried to donate when he was much younger in college(before he knew about the azoo). in the end he didn't go through with it as got cold feet and scared the child would find him at 18 LOL!! now i like to think of our donor as a younger version of DH in a parallel  universe  
xx


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥




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## Jes87

K Jade - I reckon there's a plot for "Back To The Future part 4" in here somewhere!


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## carrie lou

Good evening lovely ladies! This thread has gone so quiet and I do miss chatting with you all   


My beautiful Arlo is 1 today     We celebrated with a day out on a steam railway, both boys loved it - and tomorrow we have the family coming for lunch.


Zac starts school next week! I think there are a few of us with little school starters, so I just wanted to wish everyone luck and hope it goes well. 


Hope everyone is well and happy. Much love from Carrie


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## bundles

Blimey Carrie where did that year go ?? My dd starts nursery proper next week, she's only just turned 3 !!

Xx


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

Happy birthday to arlo. That has gone quick!  

Pinkcat. Glad to see everything is improving.  

We go into year 1 too. It's madness! We'll soon be applying for Samuels school too in January   this time next year they'll both be in school     I might even get a tidy house


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## juju81

Why January Minx? It's from October


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

Well yeah but last date to get them in is January. Forgot we dont need to look around schools again. So yeah could do it as soon as we get the go ahead


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## bundles

Hi Beattie 

It's no problem you posting here, especially as you're looking for info from parents of older DC children - although by that nature they are often very busy  so this thread is quieter. Do also post on the Not Telling thread, as there are ladies posting there who may also be able to help :

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=332957.160

Good luck 
xx


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

No it's fine on here. Think everyone is busy with the sproglets   I'll post later when on my laptop. Makes it easier. 

Ps your worries about using a donor is all normal.


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## carrie lou

All are welcome here Beattie   I'm at work at the mo but will try to get on later.


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## Jess81

Hey ladies, 
Hope you don't mind me jumping in! We are doing our 8th and final tx I start my tablets on weds! By the sounds of it et will be wc 02/11/15 (DD 1st birthday!!) you can see from my sig that we have done lots of tx and we just have the one embryo left in the freezer so thought we might as well see it home before I head back to work in Jan after 15 months off work!

I'm not going to lie I'm scared... I'm scared of it not working, I'm scared of it working, I'm scared of being pregnant and having a 1 yr old running me ragged, I'm scared of having to possibly have another section, I'm scared I won't manage a nearly 2 yr old and a new baby!!! This is massive closure for us so we need to do it, it can't sit in the freezer for ever can it!!! 

Xx


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## carrie lou

Hellooooo, is anyone here? 

I just stumbled across this video and thought it would be of interest here. It's about a sperm donor in the US meeting up with some of his (now adult) donor children. I thought it was lovely to see how well they all seemed to get on and how much warmth and affection there was between them all. The film also explains about the lack of record keeping or restrictions in US fertility clinics. Apparently there is no limit whatsoever to how many children a donor can father! The largest sibling group on the DSR is over 200! Which got me a little alarmed as our donor is from the US; Zac and Arlo could have an awful lot of half sibs 

Anyway, hope everyone is well. It would be lovely if we could get this thread going again. 

Here is the link to the video (hope this works)

http://www.littlethings.com/sperm-donor-dad-meets-kids-vcom/?utm_source=LTcom&utm_medium=social media&utm_campaign=shocking

/links


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## K jade

thank you for posting carrie
I tried to watch it but no sound but think it was  a fault with my computer

looked like a positive experience for all involved
we are also using xytex as they are affiliated to our nhs clinic

just wandeirng how people come to terms with knowing that your child may have alot of half sibs out there?


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

We used xytex too. Don't really think about it. But it seems quite exciting tbh


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## carrie lou

Don't think I have come to terms with it really... We are also a Xytex family. The idea of lots of sibs seems quite unreal at the moment I guess, it's hard to imagine.... One of those bridges we'll have to cross when the time comes probably.


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## Lee22

We also used Xytex and it worried me when they don't check up on reporting pregnancy or births. It's up to you to do it and even then I don't think they limit things too much. 
I think in the UK so many of us have used Xytex and the group that allow their identity to be disclosed is very small so I'm 100% sure there are some of us parents on this forum with the same donor and therefore half siblings 

My only worry is by some freak occurrence that to half siblings could meet and marry without knowing 😁
I don't want my daughter having to ask all her boyfriends to do a quick genetic test 😄


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

This is where being honest to the child comes in. If they did by chance meet a partner who was donor conceived then I would find out where the donor came from, but I think the possibility is very rare of that happening


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## Jess81

Hello all, I find this incredibly hard, I know we have to tell D about where she came from but I'm dreading the day (if she ever does) she says she wants to see if she can find her half sibs and her donors! I already know how I will feel about it. Wish we had thought about it properly and just not told anyone, too many family members know for us to not tell her now. 

I know it's each to their own and I don't mean to offend anyone who is happy to tell all and happy for them to meet half sibs xx


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

I'm not sure I would be happy but who knows when the time comes (if it does)


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## carrie lou

It's so hard to imagine how you will feel... I know from the donor sibling register that Zac and Arlo have at least 20 half sibs   if and when they want to meet them - I guess it will be tricky but it's their right. We will just have to cross that brig when we get to it.


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## juju81

My two can't find any info out on siblings etc.  I'm not going to lie, From a selfish point of view I'm ok with that! Noah still doesn't bat an eyelid when we do (rarely I admit) speak about it!


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## ceci.bee

Hi everyone, sorry have been awol for last few months, but just catching up on the chat now.

This document came into my inbox tonight from the DCN - not sure if any of you guys have read it, but it seems very pertinant to the discussion at the mo on the thread - this is a list of all the replies to a survey of donor conceved children and adults done by the donor sibiling registry and the research group at cambridge. Some of the answers are pretty uncomfortable and feel pretty harsh coming from someone who was donor concevied, but overall the message seems to be if you are open and honest and loving, using an open donor, then the kids will find their way through, and it isi also a timely reminder for us that chidlren may feel differently about their donor and sibs to us, and that is ok as well.

Question: *What would you like other people considering using donor gametes or donated embryos to know that you have learned?"*,































https://www.donorsiblingregistry.com/sites/default/files/files/305%20Advice%20from%20Offspring(1).pdf
 lots of love to everyone from the lovely madness of two boys 


Ceci  

/links


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## northernmonkey

Hi everyone. Had a conversation with my eldest dd at bedtime tonight that I really wasn't expecting yet... I asked her if she ever read her My Story book by herself and she said no, then asked if we could read it, which we did. At the end of the book she asked if I'd ever met the man who gave us the sperm and I said no but I think of him from time to time because we feel so grateful for what he did for us.  Bearing in mind that dd is 8 and doesn't know the full story of the birds and the bees, I was totally taken off guard by her next question, which was 'so does that mean he's actually my dad?' I was so shocked and unprepared that I said 'no, your dad is the man who has looked after you since you were a baby blah blah.' Then I felt a bit guilty that I hadn't been totally truthful so explained that scientifically she was right but that just means that she shares his genes.  DH and I both firmly agree that for us, being open and honest is the right thing but I've got to say when she asked outright if someone else is her dad it was hard. At the same time I'm kind of glad she's making those connections though because I want her to understand it sooner rather than later when it might hit her harder so to speak. DH was pretty shocked but said he is still glad we are telling the girls so I guess so far so good!! Sorry to waffle but thought I'd let people know to maybe be more prepared than I was - I thought that question was a good couple of years away!!!!


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

Well done nm   it's so confusing to them isn't it. Don't get upset by terminology - 'dad' 'father' etc. She's dtill young and trying to fit it all together. 
Maybe call the donor - 'donor father'  and her dad, obviously, ' dad' Just a thought. ?


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## carrie lou

Wow NM that must have caught you off guard! I think you handled it brilliantly though. Thanks for sharing as I'm sure many of us have moments like this to come.


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## northernmonkey

Mini - you're right, it's easy to get caught up in the emotional context of the word dad but we have to face it head on really, so I think donor father is a good idea. I stressed to dh that as difficult as these conversations will be, we have to put our feelings to one side because I don't want the girls to be scared to ask us things for fear of upsetting us. 

Carrie - yep, totally off guard! I guess it proves that telling from a young age is good though, because dd asked in a really matter of fact way - she wasn't at all upset or worried about it.


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## Jess81

thanks for your replies, they have been really helpful. I would like to get one of the books from the DCN is that the best/only place to get them?? 

thanks


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## carrie lou

Jess I haven't seen them anywhere else I don't think.


Nm, absolutely right, I don't want my boys to remember a time when they didn't know, I want them to think of it as just part of who they are rather than a big bombshell that gets dropped on them one day. DH is still not fully comfortable discussing it though


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

I got the book out again the other night. I kept saying "so daddy's speem didn't work, who helped make you" 
" you know you weren't made from daddy's sperm don't you?!" 

The reply I got was 

"Yes mum I know I was made from a donor man!!"


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## Sapphire952

Hi ladies, I wonder if you could please help.  I'm (hopefully) 10 wks pregnant and have my booking appointment on Tuesday.  Do I disclose that we used DS, I'm worried about not being able to answer the family history questions?  I'd rather not disclose it so may just need to be a bit vague if they ask for details.


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## carrie lou

Congratulations Sapphire   You don't have to disclose it if you don't wish to. Do you know the donor's medical history? If so you could just use that to answer any questions, alternatively say (quite honestly) that you don't know - I'm sure plenty of people who conceive naturally don't know all the ins and outs of their partner's medical history!

My midwife with Arlo was just lovely so I told her everything and she didn't bat an eyelid. You can if you prefer tell her and ask that she doesn't write it in your notes. Good luck, hope it all goes well


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

I didn't tell ours. I just used his medical history as far as I knew.


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## Sapphire952

Thanks ladies - I think I will play it by ear but am inclined not to tell them at this eel stage, if ever.  I don't want it recorded on our notes and risk them treating DH any differently during appointments etc xx


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## carrie lou

Oh Hun I hope that would never happen. DH is as much the daddy as any biological father. Certainly my hubby was never treated any differently (I don't think anyway). But you do what feels right for you.


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## Lee22

Congrats Sapphire!

As the ladies said, do what feels right. 
We told them about it and they didn't treat us any differently. 
They definitely treated my DH as Daddy as he IS the daddy. So don't worry about that. 

Massive congrats again!!!! Let us know how you get on


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## JanaH

Hi Lee, how are you?


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## northernmonkey

Jana - I just spotted your fab news at the bottom of your post. Congratulations!! You must be thrilled. My smileys won't work on my phone so sending some virtual dancing bananas etc. 

Sapphire - hello and congratulations to you too. With my first pregnancy I told my midwife about using a donor but I don't think I bothered with the next two.


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## JanaH

Thank you Northernmonkey


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## Sapphire952

Thanks ladies for sharing.  Appointment went ok thanks, I did end up telling her as she asked me a direct question that I felt I couldn't lie about  but insisted she did not record it on our notes.  Hopefully it won't come up again nor become an issue.  Xx


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## carrie lou

Jana I spotted you on the pregnancy club boards, massive congrats and wishing you a smooth pregnancy   


Sapphire glad it went ok sweetie


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## Lee22

Jana- wooooooooohooooooooo!!!! Massive congrats Hun!
You have made my day.
We are well thanks. Can't believe I have an almost 16 month old. It's been awesome but don't have a great sleeper so I'm a bit more wrinkled and grey now 😂 But all worth it!
How are you


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

Jana


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## juju81

Jana, what the heckers.  That's amazing.  Totally over the moon for you.  Where did you cycle?


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## Josina

Eek fabulous news Jana - Congratulations 🎊!!! Wishing you a smooth happy pregnancy.  

Hello everyone  . I've been off this site for a while but started round two for a sibling and thought I'd pop back on. B is 18 months. And we're back to same clinic, using same donor, IUI number 1 underway so I'm PUPO since Thursday.  There were three healthy sized eggs so I'm hoping that gives us a good chance.  Doctor was actually surprised because my amh is low and she's suggesting moving to ivf. Trying to be positive tho. Maybe this time I'll be lucky


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## carrie lou

Josina your test day is Zac's birthday    Got to be a good sign


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## Josina

Ooh yes hopefully   time is dragging so I'll take any good sign as a positive. Thanks Carrie


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## Lee22

Josina- good to hear from you. Good luck! Thinking of you xxxx


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## Josina

Thanks Lee. 
Unfortunately it's a BFN. Af arrived last night, it was only day 11 so a really short cycle (only 24 days). We're doing back to back treatments tho so I start Meds tomorrow morning. I hate being back on this rollercoaster


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## Lee22

That sucks. I'm sorry! 
Great news it's back to back though. Thinking of you next month. 
This sucks. I get sad hearing my friends talking about trying for "number 2"
It isn't an option for us. We need to go through more stress and heartbreak and cash!!!
Crossing fingers for you Hun!

Funny story: a very good friend of mine asked me the other day
" will you need IVF for baby number 2? "
She seemed to think we had fertility treatment for fun
She didn't know about the donor side of things but still! 
Massive eye roll!!!


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## carrie lou

So sorry Josina     


Lee, when I was pg with Arlo one of my friends was banging on about getting the implant because she so desperately didn't want any more babies   To lighten the mood I said that's the one silver lining in our situation, contraception is not something I need to worry about! (She knows the full story including about the donor.) and she said, "but it could still happen couldn't it?" Um let me think... NO! No it could not still happen! No sperm means no babies! Did she think we'd used donor sperm just for a laugh?!? People can be really really thick


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## Lee22

Eye roll delux!! I sometimes wonder about people. I forgot the best one. Went to see the clinic we went to for number 1...wanted to see what the process would be for using the frozen one. 
Since I had a c section they said first step would be a scan to see what my uterus looked like before they even start thinking of transferring the blast. 
So consultant gives me all the info and prescription for antibiotics to take and says to me 
"No sex before the test incase you become pregnant"
I laughed and said that I could have as much sex with my husband as I wanted and there would definitely be no pregnancy. 
He said "you never know"
REALLY!?!?!?!?!?


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## carrie lou

OMG,  really?!?! Like if the angel Gabriel paid you a visit?! 

Actually I was told the same thing during my ivf cycle; I had to remind the nurse we were using donor sperm and why   and on the day of my et, the embryologist congratulated dh on a good sperm sample..... oh dear.... talk about foot in mouth.   I guess they just don't read the notes properly sometimes


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## Lee22

Foot in mouth indeed!!!!!
They must kick themselves once we leave the room!!!! 😂😂😂😂


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## carrie lou

Probably


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## Godiva

I actually did discuss it at a clinic, the fact that I needed to pee in a pot for them to do a pregnancy test before being taken in for polyp removal. I pointed out that there was no way of being pregnant after all we had been through, but it was standard procedure. Apparently they have had some "surprise" pregnancies in people who "could not possibly be pregnant", including singles and a lesbian couple...


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

Josina so sorry  

Ummm I know we had sperm but it was pretty rubbish and had a chromosomal problem which made each embryo fail but we managed to produce a surprise baby. So these things do happen. They told us we'd never get pg naturally!


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

I'd cancel it


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## Godiva

Eye tests will not do any harm, so if you are offered them, you might as well do them. In case of doubt you could always call the clinic/hospital/eye specialist before the appointment to straighten out the genetic heritage. Unless you know the donor there is always some uncertainty about genetic background etc (although normally donors are screened pretty thoroughly, you never know something might show up later on in life).


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## pigsy

hi, I am rarely on the site but noticed the question about eyesights.  One of my twins was referred as we thought there may be a squint (all clear) and DH has a eye history problem.  anyway, they want the other twin referred as eye problems are common in IVF.  I don't have concerns now about either but as it is free, the tests are non intrusive and it means that they will get checked out anyway, I went for it.  I would go as a test of any form is always beneficial


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## PinkPeacock

Hi ladies, 

Got my BFP this morning. May I join you?
X


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## carrie lou

Welcome PinkPeacock, congratulations   great to see a new face here


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## Lee22

Welcome Pinkpeacock and congrats!!!! When are you due?

Jana- been thinking of you. How are things going? Any news yet?

Josina- anymore iui??

Love to all the ladies 😘😘😘


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## JanaH

Hi Lee, how are you? 

I am good thanks, 26 weeks tomorrow. We also found out we having a boy and a girl. Twin 1 is breach so will probably end up with a c-section at 36+weeks

Had a rough time couple of weeks ago. My GP thought I had a pulmonary embolism so had to have loads of tests done. Luckily the VQ scan came back clear. Will go on Clexane injections from next week for 4 weeks. 

Welcome Pinkpeacock and congrats on your pregnancy. 

Hope everyone else is doing well x


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## Godiva

Never actually got round to posting here. Am currently 25 weeks pregnant after IVF with donorsperm. Apart from issues controlling my weight (surely it is all fluid-my feet have gone up a size or two over last month ;-) ) and a small disturbance in the flows of the uterine arteries (putting me at a slightly higher risk of pre-eclampsia or a small baby) everything going approximately to plan.


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## Lee22

Godiva congrats!!! I hope the things settle and the rest of the pregnancy is smooth sailing. 

Jana that's awesome. A girl and boy. Best of both worlds. Don't worry about the c section. Rather a planned one than emergency. 
I'm glad it wasn't a PE! 
Thinking of you. Let us know how things go 
Xoxo


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## Sapphire952

Hi ladies. Hope you are all well and babies/pregnancies are progressing well? 

I wanted to pop in and seek your views. 

I'm now 32 wks pregnant and other than my best friend, no one knows we are using DS.  DH and I said we'd talk about it if I ever got pregnant so that when time came to tell it was in the context of good news.. However, we haven't really talked about it since I've been pregnant and not sure how to broach it. He's never been as keen as I to be open with people.  Should we try and tell parents before baby arrives or is there any harm in waiting a while and telling them when LO (hopefully safely) arrives and is a bit older? My DH 

Lately I've also  been feeling a bit wierd about things, we had a 32 week scan the other day (all appears well thankfully) and the sonographer created some 4D images.  I found myself looking at the images feeling sad that I couldn't see any likeness of DH in them, I wanted to say it looks like the baby has my nose but then felt I couldn't as it would only highlight that DH couldn't do the same.  I then found myself wondering what features the baby would inherit from the donor and how it felt a bit strange to have a complete strangers influence in how our LO one looks.  Don't feel I can talk to DH about this.


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## carrie lou

Hi Sapphire, congratulations on your pregnancy   I do think what you're feeling is pretty normal to a certain extent, I remember going through the same sort of worries in my first pregnancy.  Pinkcat is right, inevitably people will want to talk about who the baby looks like and so on - for us it started on the maternity ward! It can feel awkward at first but you learn to let it go after while, short of telling every random stranger the truth, that's all you can do really - you just get used to handling it. But you should definitely talk to DH about it so you are both as prepared as you can be. Good luck lovely, keep chatting on here cos I'm sure we have all been through the same thing.  

Hope everyone is well, this thread has gone quiet which is a bit of a shame! My big boy Zachary is 5 now and about to start year 1 at school, can't quite believe it... Arlo turned 2 TODAY and is just the sweetest little boy, so gentle and easy going but at the same time is developing a cheeky sense of humour   he's starting nursery next week just 2 mornings a week, so I can have some time to try and build my business (am working for myself now). Still really really want one more baby but am trying to pluck up the courage to get back on that old rollercoaster!  Maybe next year....


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## Jess81

Hi I don't post on here all that often but I do read all the comments, just wanted to say to Sapphire that talk to ur DH about it he may be feeling like you don't want to talk about it. We used DS and DE and as time has gone on we think less and less about what she has from the donors. our parents know but they never say anything about it in fact they often comment on how she looks like us... I know but I just go along with it! People do see what they want to see and so many people say how much she looks like me and how she looks like DH I just say aww thank you lots of people say that!! xx


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## Godiva

Hi Sapphire,
I also had mixed feelings about the sonographer doing the 3/4D scan during an extra scan at 27 weeks to check on baby's growth (she did it without really asking, presuming it was what every parent would want). DH's immediate reaction to first pic was that baby looked like me, which on one side made me happy (if baby looks like 1 parent, other people will not be wondering where the looks come from). Tbh I find it hard usually to work out who a newborn looks like, let alone this "death mask" image of a 4D US... In the end only time will tell .
We have told a number of people. The interesting thing is that everybody we told (including ourselves) sometimes forget that, genetically, the baby is not related to DH. The number of people (including gynae and my mother) saying it is to be expected that baby is slightly larger than average as DH is quite tall, or the ones who do not know DH asking about his length... Some then realise what they just said, others do not (or at least do not show it). We even find ourselves doing it!
We are now not sure what to do about the people who do not know. At first I felt it was up to our little one to decide who to tell and who not, as we can not "untell" people. DH however seems to be more willing to tell then me, and I do feel it is his decision too, in some ways. It definitely is not my decision to tell people around us, as telling of course also means telling about DH's fertility issue. On the other hand, telling also allows people struggling in similar situations  to know about our journey, and if they feel a need to talk this would give them the opportunity. What I have noticed is that the longer you wait (sounds a bit pompous, as we are hardly 7 months into our pregnancy), the more difficult it is to tell.
Another anecdote on the telling issue: DH actually did tell the whole diving club after somebody made a joke along the lines of "are you sure the baby is yours" when he announced the news. DH answered that no, the baby was not his and we had used DS. The result was a lot of laughing, and nobody actually believed the story  . (DH did not go further into any details, so they still think it was a joke).
Of course telling others is a bit of a gamble: not everybody takes the news as well, and some may make hurting remarks. It does well to be prepared that this can happen. Also, the more people know, the more the chances that the news spreads beyond your "control". This might not be a real issue to you, but you need to take it into account.


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## Jess81

Hi Ladies, 
I'm after a little bit of advice, we always said we would come to the decision as to whether to tell DD by the time she is 2 because that's when she would begin to understand and remember but not potentially be traumatised by it! Anyway, last night I woke up in a panic because she is 2 in 2 months and we still actually haven't made a decision on what to do. Part of me wants to tell her because we don't want to get to 12 or 13 then have a potential teenage melt down about it! the other part doesn't want to tell her at all but I'm petrified it will get out somehow and if she knows it doesn't matter... a few of our very close friends know and our parents, siblings but that's it. It was on my maternity notes does that automatically go on her medical records? 
Thanks for your help, I wish there was a rule out there that would make the decision for us! xx


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

We just read the 'our story' book from donor conception every few wks. So it wasn't actually like telling him out right, it was a book about him (us as a family) he knows, as much as a 6 year old understands, but isn't fazed by it as we haven't Made it an issue. He hasn't mentioned it to anyone. His brother isn't donor conceived and he knows that DS2 is from daddy's sperm and he's from a donor. I'm sure they'll be teenage tantrums over it, but teenagers tantrum over a broken nail don't they ?!   

If your family and friends know I'd think carefully about keeping it from her. If it came out accidently, you need to think how she'd feel if everyone knew and she didn't.


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## Jess81

we have decided to tell... after watching cold feet and the daughter finding out that Pete wasn't actually her dad... we don't want that ever! so my next question is are the books good?? child friendly I assume? thanks


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## BobbyPins

Hi Jess,

My parents used one of the very early DC Network books ('My Story') to tell me when I was about 4 and it was a really good little book, definitely child-friendly and easy to understand but also gives parents the language to try and explain something quite difficult (or at least, complicated). They kept bringing it out over the next few years to check I understood and I think I've still got it somewhere!
There is a whole range of books now I believe and they are updating the resources all the time so I definitely think it's worth checking out.

Good luck with everything and with your little one, they grow up so fast!

BP xx

Oh and re: teenage meltdowns, I'm sure I had plenty of tantrums over the years about boyfriends, curfews, piercings, forgetting to text my parents when I got off the bus, etc etc.. But no meltdowns about anything DC related, just the usual lol! Youths will be youths whether they're donor conceived or not (I sound so old but my teenage years are well behind me!)


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## carrie lou

Jess, we have the My Story book for Zac who is now 5. I believe he is beginning to grasp the idea and can repeat the story back to me, so it is starting to go in    we don't read it all the time, it's more of an occasional thing. I've also made him a personalised version which he lives because it has photos of him in it. Still working on Arlo's version (the pitfalls of being the younger child!) 


BobbyPins, interesting to get your perspective! I don't think we have had any DC people on here before!


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## Godiva

I've got the book "Recipes of How Babies are Made" by Carmen Martinez Jover lying around (popular in Belgium as there is a Dutch translation of it). It tells all the different ways a baby can be had, over IVF, donor gametes, adoption and surrogacy. Seems pretty simple language with nice illustrations. I heard somebody telling how her (DS) kids were particularly interested in the drawings of the test tubes for IVF and DE conception   . No personal experience, as my baby is still on its way.


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## Sapphire952

Hi ladies, 

Our little one arrived in Sunday morning at 40+2.  Absolutely gorgeous and in love. Weighed in at 8lb 1oz.
Labour was tougher than I ever imagined.  Lasted c 30 hours but managed it at home with TENS and then with gas and air in the birthing suite.  Ended up with a little ventouse help at the end due to slow second stage, after pushing for 2.5 hours we needed a little help.  But little one was unaffected and arrived perfect.  

The last few days have been such a whirlwind of trying to suss feeding etc  - I keep staring at him and wondering if he is real after everything we've been through, but yes he is  

DH appears to be loving being a daddy.  Hard to know what lies ahead on the donor front and conversations we will need to have but at the moment, all is good and DH being an amazing father. 

Hope you're all well? Xx


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

Congratulations


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## amandaloo

Hi everyone 


Congratulations sapphire wonderful news 🎉🎉🎉🎉 it is a whirlwind I remember it very well xxx


Jess we have the my story book too it's very good and I would recommend 


I'm so sorry I've been gone so long I needed a break from here and had a terrible year my dad died this year and before he died he was extremely poorly . He had a heart attack which left him with a brain injury due to lack of oxygen when he had the heart attack 😔 It's been awful . 


I've been trying to remember my password for a while and lucky guess has got me back online!


Often think of what things would have been like if we were lucky enough to have had another 


Hello to everyone who has joined the group and hope your all ok xxx


Amanda


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## northernmonkey

Sapphire - congratulations, enjoy getting to know your little one. I know it sounds like a total cliche but it really does go too quickly!


Jess - we read My Story too. My eldest is slowly starting to make sense of it.  She did ask a few months ago 'so does that mean daddy isn't my real dad? I was totally unprepared for it but she was very matter of fact so hopefully that's a good sign.


Amanda - really sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my dad last year and there are times I still can't believe it. Nothing can prepare you for losing a parent and I realised what a lonely thing it is to go through if you don't have many close friends who have experienced it.  Take care.


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## carrie lou

Congratulations Sapphire, and welcome to the world little one    


Amanda, so sorry to hear about your dad   that sounds like a very tough time for you. Lots of hugs


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## JanaH

Hi ladies, just an update from us. The twins arrived safely at 36 wks on the 19th October, had a normal delivery. They are absolutely gorgeous and easy babies.


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## Godiva

Congratulations Janah! With twins it is extra nice to have easy babies...


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## amandaloo

Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 Jana xxx


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## Godiva

Hi all, December 2nd early in the morning Eleonore was born. After all the waiting before and after conception, she suddenly was in a big hurry to get out. Now we have to get to know each other.


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## amandaloo

Congratulations Godiva wonderful news xxx


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## carrie lou

Congratulations Godiva, enjoy this special time   


Ladies something been weighing on my mind a bit and I wonder if maybe those of you with older kiddies might have a bit of insight. I sometimes worry that dh and Zachary don't have the best relationship. DH loves both our boys, no doubt about that, and there's no question that he thinks of them as his own natural children even though clearly genetically they are not linked. But zac is kind of a high maintenence child, very intense, highly strung, and dh seems to struggle to know how to handle him a lot of the time. You could call it a personality clash I suppose. And I've started to worry that as zac gets older and understands more about the implications of donor conception, this clashing will get even worse. Zac knows we needed help from a donor to have him and his brother, but obviously at 5 he hasn't grasped the full meaning of it. 


Any advice or thoughts would be welcome.


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

Congrats Godiva   


Carrie - ds1 is highly strung. We've had such a bad year with him. I think we're over the worst. But funnily enough it's ds2, who is DHs nstural child, that really pushes his buttons. They clash big time!!    They're both mummy's boys but Dh is so good with ds1. I'm in no doubt that they'll be arguments once he's understand it fully but all teenagers have tantrums over something


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## JanaH

Merry Christmas


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## northernmonkey

Hi all,


Just thought you might be interested in a conversation I had with my eldest dd last week. We were talking about how if dh and I hadn't got together she wouldn't have been born. She nodded then said "well actually you could have just got some sperm off a man so it would've been ok!"  I went on to explain that dh and I had planned her together so without him, I wouldn't have got pregnant at the exact time that I did, therefore she wouldn't have been here. she talked about it with no awkwardness at all and really appears to be growing up with the donor conception as absolutely no big deal. She's obviously making the connection that dh isn't her genetic father but doesn't seem in any way upset about it. Interestingly, I had to have the talk with her about periods at the weekend and found that more difficult than talking about sperm donors!!


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## amandaloo

Northernmonkey- thanks for sharing that it's really interesting. I'm hoping my DS will be the same ❤


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

That's great nm!


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## carrie lou

That's so good to know,  thanks NM


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## northernmonkey

Eldest dd brought up donor again a few days ago. She asked if we used the same donor for her sisters. When I said we had, she replied "oh good, so they're my real sisters." I was a bit taken aback and explained that we're a family and they would have been her real sisters regardless.  I'm finding myself trying to skirt round the word 'real' (she's asked in the past if dh isn't her real dad.)  the fact is though, she's 9 and asking questions in a way that makes sense to her so do I go along with it as hard as it might be?? Any advice?  She also asked if she could meet the donor when she's older....


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

I think you're doing the right thing by just going along with her way of talking it through. She's just being curious. I wouldn't take wanting to see the donor seriously. Again she's just being curious. I would be too. I'm curious to know what our donor looks like. 😆


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## carrie lou

It's tricky NM but my guess is she's just using language that makes sense to her. And I'd tell her yes she can meet the donor when she's older if she wants to. I tell zac this (in a very vague sort of way as he hasn't as yet expressed an interest in meeting him, but I'd like him to know it's an option that's o0en to him.)


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## amandaloo

Hi

I would say yes you can meet the donor when your older if you want too . Maybe when she's gets older and understands it more she might not want to anyway ? If she does then that's fine too . It would be up to the donors anyway I guess if they want too as well? 
It might just be the language she's using to make sense of it. I call him the donor rather than real I suppose it's what your happy with. 

Happy Easter 🐣 to everyone x


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## northernmonkey

Thanks for your replies ladies. I've realised the way I worded my post made me sounds as though I wouldn't want dd to meet our donor, but actually I'd be absolutely fine about it and kind of want her to so that I can pass on our huge thanks to him 😁.  What I struggle with a bit is that she has asked recently if dh is her real dad and about her sisters being her real siblings.  it's that word 'real' and knowing how to answer it, especially regarding dh. I've always used the term 'donor' or 'kind man' 😆 which has been fine until maybe 6 months ago, but dd#1 will be 10 next week (omg how did that happen) and I think she's making much more sense of it now and knows that sperm+egg=baby and is therefore making the connection that if the sperm wasn't from dh then the donor must be her father.  So yes I guess 'real' is the word that fits her level of understanding at the moment.  On a separate note, the weird thing is that dd#2 who is 7 on Wednesday refuses to read the My Story book. I should ask dd#1 if she ever talks to her about it - they share a bedroom and get on pretty well most of the time so perhaps they've chatted about it.  


Hope everyone's having a good Easter weekend. We fiend out primary school places on Tuesday. Can't believe my baby starts school in September 😢😢


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥

We had a letter from xytex the other day 😳 They said that I did the donor cgikdtdnhas cysts on his kidney and could be poly cystic kidney disease. It's not been confirmed yet but could be genetic. They've not got In Contact with the donor yet but we'll have to tell our gp. It's passed on from father and mother together. 
I'm not worried as I have a feeling it's just one of those things


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## northernmonkey

That must have been a bit of a shock Mini.  Do you know if there are any tests GP can do on your ds?  Good that they've been in touch to let you know.


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## carrie lou

Hello ladies, I don't know if anyone is still reading but I have some news     


We decided on one last ride on the roller coaster and in September I had an ivf cycle - responded much better than I could have hoped, and I'm now 9+3 weeks pregnant with another little summer baby   I feel so lucky and blessed, still have to pinch myself most days.


Zachary is 6 now, super smart and a bit of a handful   but I wouldn't change him for the world! Arlo turned 3 in August and is such a little character. I'm truly a very lucky mummy


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## amandaloo

Oh wow Congratulations Carrie that’s wonderful news 🤗🤗🤗 . 

Amanda xxx


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## Flipsy

Congratulations Carrie xxx


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## Sapphire952

Congratulations Carrie - wonderful news 😍


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## carrie lou

Hi ladies.... just checking in to see if anyone still reading this thread! 


My big boy Zac turns 7 at the end of this month, has just finished his year 2 Sats!! He is super smart, bit of a handful but I love him so much and wouldn't change a thing. Arlo is 3.5 and a proper cheeky little chappie. It doesn't seem 5 minutes since I was posting on here in my first pregnancy, it goes soooooo fast!!!!


And incredibly, I'm nearly 37 weeks with our third baby, which we found out is another little boy  Most days I just can't believe my luck. All going well and really excited to be welcoming another tiny baby into our lives soon. 


Well I hope everyone is well, if you are still reading    and lots of love to you!!!


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## Flipsy

Congratulations on number 3 Carrie.

I can’t believe Zac is nearly 7 xx


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## Sapphire952

Congrats Carrie and best wishes for the safe arrival of number 3!


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## speeder

Hello! Just seeing if everyone still reads this? Used to be such an active thread.

Carrie - did you have number three?!!! So lovely. 

We now have three daughters- all DIUI.  

This website kept me sane through some very dark times and I am
Very grateful to it and the lovely girls I met xx


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## carrie lou

Freddie Alexander arrived 5th June 2018, 6lb 9oz


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## northernmonkey

Congratulations Carrie, great news! Hope everything’s going well. Love the name by the way. x


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## Flipsy

Congratulations Carrie. Your babies have such gorgeous names xx


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## wilberdoo

Congrats Carrie!! Ages since I posted but I keep checking in periodically. I can’t believe I have a 2.5 yr old!!! Time now to start to talk about it I think. Also thinking about a possible FET next year with my only embie 😬 keen to hear about success stories from those with one frozen embryo. I was so lucky to get pregnant from my first IVF I can’t help but think I can’t be that lucky twice. It’s my first and last chance at a sibling as we have agreed not to do a full cycle again!


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## Flipsy

Wilberdoo- we had one frostie and were successful. Unfortanetly Henry was born sleeping.

Good luck xx


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## carrie lou

Wilberdoo, Arlo was our last frozen embryo at the time and he's now a cheeky nearly 4-year-old   it's certainly possible. Of course I was bonkers and went for another fresh cycle after him which has given us Freddie   Good luck!


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## northernmonkey

Carrie how are you getting on with number 3?


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## deblovescats

Hi everyone - would be good if this thread is still active! Can't believe how time flies = my little boy  James William from my fresh cycle turned 4 in July and starts school in September! He seems too little. I was lucky to have 3 frozen embryos and went for an FET - as a result my daughter Lydia Grace was born, she's 2 at the end of October. I have 2 remaining frosties, so am currently in the process of planning another cycle for hopefully no 3 - would love to hear how it is managing 3!


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## miamiamo

deblovescats - amazing news.Wish all your family the very best of luck


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## carrie lou

Hello all   it's been far too long since I was last here but I wanted to check in.... we recently filled out the paperwork to allow our last remaining vial of donor sperm to be destroyed. I did look into transferring it to another of our donor's families who needed it, but there were just too many hoops to jump through. I'd already decided I'm never going through another fresh cycle of IVF, so there was no logical point to keeping it.


It's a big decision but I feel at peace with it really. It's a decade since we started this journey! It seems unbelievable but oh my, look at what I've got out of it. Zac is 7 (8 in May), Arlo is 4 and a half, and my baby Freddie is 8 months. Sometimes I look at them and think, OMG they're mine! And they're perfect!    We've had ups and downs but I've been luckier than anyone has a right to be. 


(And I still have frozen embryos which I can't bring myself to part with.... never say never    )


So anyway, lots of love to anyone who's still reading this thread and I hope all is well with you. I'll still be checking in from time to time, for old times sake. Love from Carrie


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## deblovescats

Hi Carrie
Congrats on your lovely family. I'm like you, have two frosties in storage and can't bear to let them go! So I'm planning a further cycle to try for no 3! I've got the go ahead from clinic so plan is to have HRT for two months to regulate cycle and then to have transfer! We're on holiday at Easter so planning to go after this. I've got two lovely children - James is 4 1/2 and now at school  and his sister Lydia is 2.
Deb


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