# Need advice!!!



## Anny1970 (Mar 6, 2015)

Hello!!! Want to share my story. Hope you`ll understand me and give me an advice. Mark and I got married at the age of 27 and 25 in 1995. Like most couples having children was something we planned to do in the future. I couldn`t even imagine what a long journey it was going to be. After being married for a couple of years or so we began to think about having children. I had very irregular periods.  We thought it may take a little longer to have a child as it was likely that I was not ovulating regularly. I was only having about 3-4 periods a year. We went to see our first fertility specialist in 1998. She dismissed our problems and said she thought I was working too hard and stress was causing the irregular periods. The doctor suggested that I reduce my hours at work. I had had irregular periods for many years before trying to conceive. I had a laparoscopy and all was ok. My husband had yet another semen analysis and everything was still ok there too. I was put on a mild fertility drug and told to come back in 3 months. The doctor said I would most probably be pregnant by then. We were over the moon thinking we were finally going to be parents. Sadly 3 months later I was not pregnant and was given another prescription for medication. I was then referred to another specialist.To cut a long story short after 6 years of tests, 6 different specialist opinions, fertility tablets, hormone injections, IVF, alternative therapies such as herbalism and hypnotherapy we still did not conceive. The reason given was that I had PCOS. Moreover I did not ovulate without medication. Although I could produce eggs with fertility drugs or create embryos with IVF. The lining of my womb was very thin and this was causing implantation problems. Surrogacy was suggested as a solution. Surrogacy seemed a great option, however, we just wanted to be parents, so our option was to adopt. Towards the end of our fertility treatment we had started looking into adoption. We spent the next 3 years trying to adopt. We were close to the end of the process. My mum had had breast cancer 3 1/2 years previously. My mum went along for her 6 monthly appointments. She had the usual tests but this time she was told that the cancer had returned. Patients are not always told their illness is terminal. But my mum pressed the consultant for the true prognosis so that she could make plans for the future and to say her goodbyes. There were various options that would prolong her life but there was no longer a cure. If I had not known the full situation, we would have been none the wiser. We told our social worker this news at her next visit. About a week later our social worker called to say that our adoption application was going to be put hold due to our change in circumstances. They also expected us to have a period of grieving after my mum died before they felt it appropriate to continue with our adoption application. We were shocked by this news but the decision was final. It was at this point we started to think about surrogacy again so we joined a surrogacy organization. We had the option of traditional or gestational surrogacy. With traditional surrogacy the surrogate conceives via artificial insemination. The baby is genetically related to her and the intended father and with gestational surrogacy the surrogate conceives with embryos created via IVF. The embryos can be created with either donor eggs or the intended mother’s eggs and the intended father’s sperm. We chose gestational surrogacy over traditional surrogacy. We went to the clinic we`ve chosen. We had the meeting with the doctor. We passed all the tests and signed the contract. We expected to wait a minimum of 2 years before a surrogate chose to help us. But within 2 months we had a phone call to say that the doctors found an appropriate surrogate for us. It was high time to start stimulation. It was our second visit. I got the protocol and all the medicines. The stimulation began. The pick-up was on the 18th of December. The ET was on the 22d of December. Al last on the 12th week of the pregnancy we came for the ultrasound check. It was on the 2d of March. We`ll never forget this date!!! We were able to hear the heart beating!!! We were able to see small hands, legs))) It was the first time we met with the surrogate mother. She was pretty. Unfortunately she doesn`t speak English. Our coordinator translated everything for us. As it turned out she is 29 years old. She has 1 daughter and she is divorced. We have a nice conversation. We even get the video and some photos from the ultrasound check. The next day we came back home. And… I don`t even know how to describe my feeling. I strongly miss my child. I know that the surrogate is so far away. I can`t get in touch with her. I don`t know what to do. I understand that the delivery is not soon. I`ll get crazy up to delivery((( May be someone has the same problem? I need advice.


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## rj765 (Dec 16, 2014)

Hi Anny1970!

I feel so sorry for your hard times   
And it is so great that you have moved that much forward with your problem. I understand what are you going through currently. I had this kind of experience too. I know how it feels when you already know that you are having a baby and can not be next to your kid    For me it was so difficult to wait for my DS`s birth. I guess those nine months were the longest time ever. The time seem to be so slow when you are waiting something so hard... But when I saw him for the first time I realized that it was worth waiting. That day was the best in my life… And now each day spent with my baby is better than previous  
Just stay positive and strong. And do not get too nervous. I am sure your baby would not like if you did


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## Anny1970 (Mar 6, 2015)

Thanks a lot rj765))) Happy for you))) I need your advice. Were you present during the ultrasound checks? We were on the 12th week of pregnancy ultrasound check. Actually the first time we were allowed to. I want to be present every time, but we are short of money((( I can`t you even explain how nervous I am. I think about our child every moment. Every minute is like an eternity for me. My husband thinks that I become crazy. I talk about my child all the time. I talk only about the child. How did you cope with this? Where did you have your surrogacy program? What did clothes did you buy for your child? I went shopping and I was not able to choose at least something. There`s a wide choice and I don`t understand what is needed and what is not. You`re a mother already, I hope you`ll help me)))


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