# Single Girls and Internet Dating Part 2



## Sharry

Happy Chatting 

Sharry xx


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## cocochanel1

Winky, the gods have definitely smiled on you and I think we had better put in a bulk order for hats   

He sounds lovely!


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## lulumead

he does sound lovely - so pleased its going well.


Mini - any chance of holiday romance becoming more when you get home too??


I am half-heartedly on eharmony - but not holding out much hope!
xx


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## Betty-Boo

Hi lulu - would be nice, but in reality very much doubt it.... Different paths etc etc and I really feel that I can't put all my eggs in that 1 basket .... hence already planning next deivf... If it did become more - that'd be brilliant ... but trying tobe realistic and trying to reduce the heart break as much as I can ... my safety mechanism is cutting in...
How's you??  Any joy on eharmony??
Meeting up with winky today .... can't wait for the low down!!!
Take care mini x x


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## lulumead

oh winky, it all sounds sooo lovely. Such great news. Hope the TTC conversation goes well. At least you have sometime to wait whilst you sort out fibroid, so can ease into that chat!


I'm generally a bit low with cancelled treatment, crap work and Mr NY not going anywhere....and half-heartedly on eharmony.  Bit worried too that China are going to stop my adoption as rumours have started about singlies no longer being matched even though my papers were logged with them before the change occurred. Ho hum....and I'm too late for ski holiday to get my own ski-man    ...plus I can't ski.   


Mini - hope you don't have your heart broken and it all turns out good in the end. Good news about planning IVF though.
xx


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## Damelottie

Lulu -      . Its very difficult to keep ya spirits up sometimes


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## Betty-Boo

Lulu honey        its all a bit crap..... Really hope that China don't change their goal posts for you honey.  
Life here pretty crap too ... not quite sure what's happening at the moment - so focusing on my treatment next year.  That I can control (not that I'm a control freak honest!!)  Back from R&R and have only 9 weeks to go!! Yay!!

Winky - so glad to hear all is going well and good luck with the IVF chat!

Big hugs everyone x x x


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## lulumead

thanks mini & LL....I hope China don't either but there is little I can do about it so have to just hope that I get lucky this way, and that that still works out at some point...with the ever decreasing rates, its now September 2015 that they are suggesting I would be matched. Gulp!


Mini - hope the next 9 weeks whizz by and you are back soon.  it always feels better when planning as at least it feels like you are doing something constructive.


Winky, hope fibroid appointment goes well and it gets sorted swiftly.


xx


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## TwiceBlessed

only just found this thread again....

Im still living with ex but toying with the idea of ID atm..... if only to build up some confidence.  I have some medical stuff to sort first really but open to suggestions of good sites!

Any of you that are mummies tried parentsalready.com?


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## Betty-Boo

Just remembering why I've been single for so long..... current love of my life leaves tomorrow and not really sure what's happening - if anything .... (trying to see it as a 5 month holiday romance!) Totally and utterly heartbroken - not used to being in a relationship when you know  exactly when it will end!!  All a bit surreal!
Ah well - treatment next year to look forward too and afer seeing all the baby news and pictures on ******** am totally broody!!!
Take care everyone x x x


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## Annaleah

Mini - sending hugs in abundance      

Just noticed your ticker - are you back permanently soon?
Annaleahx


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## Damelottie

Oh Mini - 5 months is such a long time hun


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## Betty-Boo

Yes am back for good soon - these 6 months have flown past - helped along by a special friendship!!  
Can't wait to get back.... need some good girly company - being the only girl out here has taken its toll!!
Take care x x


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## suitcase of dreams

Mini - sorry to hear things are a bit tough down there, but not long now and you'll be back home - we'll have to catch up   

Enjoy the last few weeks, safe journey home,
Suitcase
x


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## Betty-Boo

Thanks honey - yes we will have to catch up!!  Must admit the past 6 months has given me space to look at things closely and make me realise that yes I still want to pursue my dream of becoming a mum.  Would've been great to have done it in the conventional way - but we're all so strong that I know we'll all make such wonderful mums one day.
Take care honey x x x


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## Betty-Boo

Hi all .. just want to pick your brains ... am trying out the online dating sites ... usual thing - state must want children and not smoke and seem to get all those balding, smokers over 50 who hate children!!  Anyone recommend a good site?  If there is one...
Really fed up with being on my own and need to be 100% sure in all aspects of my life.  Think the relationship down south realy did rock me ... seeing him last week didn't help...
men!!
Thank you mini x


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## lulumead

hey Mini,


My head is being rocked by the american at the moment, really hard to have someone being lovely and looking after me in my hour of need but equally not being what I want!!!


Anyway, I did Eharmony...was alright, my flatmate met someone who she has been with for a year.  I also did Guardian Soulmates...this seems to have been successful for a few people that I know.


I suppose I should think about doing this too!!! Its very hard to motivated though when you already have someone around that you like, not that its getting me anywhere.


Where have you joined?
xx


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## Betty-Boo

I have looked at dating direct affinity .... supposed to match you - hence why I've been matched with smokers not wanting children??  Give up!! Ha ha ha .. will try eharmoney again.... maybe ... if in right frame of mind.
How are you honey?  Must be nice having Mr NY round but also not if you get me.... Big hugs honey ... am thinking of you x x x


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## lulumead

Having a bit of a crap today to be honest. Finding it really hard having him around, had a tearful conversation with him this morning on the phone, where I told him this...probably not a wise move! Anyway...to add insult to injury he is thinking about coming to live here for a bit next year, and one of the main things he always said was that the distance was too far!! So am stupidly really annoyed, that he is now thinking about this and then will not doubt come here and meet someone new and I'll get to witness that. Nice.


Sorry bit of a rant.
So fed up of it never being quite right - and yet these guys thinking I am amazing and really wanting to have me in their lives on their terms of course!!
grrrrrr......


Anyway...let me know what dating direct affinity is like!!  I think they are all much the same, all comes down to luck!
xx


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## Betty-Boo

Big hugs honey ... with everything you are facing at the moment .. they have this knack of turning it round to be about them!! 

Gotta     or I'd just    

That is really crap tho .... is he having 2nd thoughts and coming over here to be nearer you?  Or just wants a change of scenery?  Tell you they are a fickle lot!!  Doubt we'll ever work them out ....  Big hugs honey..     

Thinking of you .... x x x
PS think might sack affinity ... really fed up with their lack of tact when trying to 'match' you!!  One guy was really rude!!


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## lulumead

I agree, don't think I'll ever understand them. Most of the time I think they need a good shake!!


He wants to come here to work for a bit, as its a good place for writers/filmmakers etc and two of his very close friends live here - one of which is our mutual friend.  Don't think it has anything to do with me, other than potentially that I have a spare room!!  He has been having a very tough time so the idea of a change of scene is very appealing to him, and really next year is the only time that he could make it work, plus it would coincide with the show we are making being on tour, so there would be a logic to it. Plus I know that he cares about me a lot and enjoys my company...but that's just not enough for me. Fed up of being their best mate! And fed up that by being honest about what I am doing or wanting a family, is basically seen as a bad thing. I need to learn to be less honest and trick them!!! Seems that would earn me more respect....


Hmm affinity sounds like its match criteria is similar to Eharmony!! there isn't any...  


Maybe we should just ask everyone on here to bring a single man to a meeting and we can share them round!!  Its just as likely to work.
xx


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## Betty-Boo

Know exactly what you mean ... in all honesty - I think our strength scares them ... that's why they're a bit stand offish ... have got the same from Mr Falklands ... we're 'friends' now - however before he used to talk about the baby thing (which I found hard tbh) and now he just clams up ... really do think our strength scares and fascinates them at the same time!!  I expect they wish they had that strength to go for something you want - no matter what obstacles are placed in the way.... I reckon he has the utmost respect for you honey - but men do find it hard to express that and deal with feelings, he probably wishes he could magic away your pain.  But doesn't know how to say the right thing!!  
I know I make it hard for Mr F ... sometimes he's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't!  Altho this 'friendship' rubbish is doing my head in and don't think its letting me heal .... MEN!!     

Think all the websites are the same ... gonna have a google again - if not thinking of joining a singles group down here .... hardest part is I still see myself as 25 not 41!!!  ha ha ha ... so when a 43 winks at me I think ... yuk ... dirty old man     

Take care x x


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## lulumead

You are spot on mini. My friend just said earlier that I am so focussed and clear in my decision and that not everyone else gets that. He is very able to talk about emotions, the joy of being an american!! But he equally has that ideal that men seem to have more than woman, I find, about what they think a relationship should be about...I'm of the opinion that we get on, have lots in common, make each other laugh, have    - so I don't really see what the problem is!!! But its a classic case of it not being enough, basically he is not that into me!! And essentially like your Mr F he is damned if he does or doesn't!!


It does annoy me though when they end up having lovely ladies like yourself as their mates, when it is clearly tough on you and they get to enjoy your/our company with no strings attached.  If I didn't have to continue to work with Mr NY, I would be glad that he was going back to the states and I could forget about him.


Know what you mean about feeling young too!! Sometimes the man of 43 look about 65!!! And you are young looking too, so it makes it even harder...maybe just knock a couple of years off-  no one would know!


It also bugs me that men of our age, only want women under 35!!! the cheek of them...


xxx


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## Betty-Boo

Tbh I think he is that into you ... but chicks like us know our mind and I think that really terrifies them!!!  

Scaredy cats the lot of them!!!  They all want to remain Peter Pans!!

Yeah think may lower my age on the website ... looking at be2 as well - gets good reports... and it does make me laugh at the balding aging 45 plus who will only date a dolly bird max age of 25!!!!

Will keep you posted honey x x 

Take care x x


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## Diesy

Hi Gals,

How are y'all?  

I was directed here and so glad I was   If there was a macaroni cheese and chips thread it couldn't suit me more!  Anyhoo, I think it's good to know what the other people in your area are using unless you don't mind if they aren't local.  Apart from that I don't really know.  Friends have found eharmony disappointing and preferred the Telegraph one.  Mind you, she just trolled them and joined the one with the most men she liked on it.

I recently went back online and thought I'd met someone nice - 2 weeks of emails and phoning, now a wee bit gutted, he's disappeared!  He is working away from home somewhere quite remote but I did get an email saying - not met Mr Right yet?  Must try harder...  Not sure what that was all about   Why do they have to get all excited and go into pursuit mode just to turn tail and leg it when you warm up to them!  It's not just me this happens to, surely!

I have been wondering what to do about the old...Oh I'm thinking this...with regards to the skipping waiting for a bloke and making straight for babylove.  Mmm...

Hope you are all having more luck than me 
Diesy


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## suitcase of dreams

Just a little positive story to cheer you up girls. My sister met her current boyfriend through Match.com in May and they are now planning to spend Christmas together in South Africa with his family (he's from J'burg originally) and it's all going swimmingly well   

Granted it took 2+ yrs and many duds along the way but things do seem to have worked out well in the end so don't give up!

Good luck to you all
Suitcase
x


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## Betty-Boo

Suity - think you do need to be in right frame of mind too .. which I'm not!!  The balding 50 yr olds who don't want kids are just not a match right now!!                All th best to your sister x x

Diesy - welcome honey to the madness .... have removed myself from the sites for now ... not getting the right matches!  How hard can it be??  Surely there's a Brad Pitt out there for every girl??  My standards aren't that high ha ha ha 
Am now going to concentrate on baby thing .. or at least go back to thinking about it..
All the best x x


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## suitcase of dreams

Good point Mini....my sister is a primary school teacher and not too sure she even wants kids of her own, being surrounded by them all day every day and having plenty of neices/nephews as well....so she was def looking for a relationship but without the pressure of looking for a father for her children

Internet dating didn't work for me because what I really wanted was a child...am hoping once I've got the child (or children now it seems!!), I will eventually get back to the dating scene, but we'll see - expect I'll be to exhausted for at least a couple of years!

all the best to you
Suitcase
x


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## Betty-Boo

Cheers honey! Think that altho I'm not looking for a father figure for future baby - I'd rather meet someone who doesn't mind children ... do feel that when they're 45 plus and doesn't want / them never had them .. to me that seems slightly self absorbed .... too used to being on their own?  Say me                
Would go for someone who's had kids and doesn't want more - at least they've some experience... ha ha ha

You take care rest up and hope this ms starts to subside x x


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## wishingforanangel

wish i could do something like this....internet dating....actually even date. never been on a date a day in my life...course i guess i would actually have to trust a guy first though. for some awful reason i think all guys (i do realize a small....a very extremely small percentage of guys are not like this) are just too busy thinking below their pants. would have wanted to be married, have a house, and all that jazz before i had a kid but being that i'm too cynical...i guess i just have to be thankful that i don't need a guy around to have a kid.


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## Diesy

Wishing - It mystifies me what men are ever thinking above or below the waist ha ha. I think an easy life/thrill of the chase sums it up in my experience.

Mini - I'm getting some of your balding 50 year olds!  And boring!  

Suity - I'm right behind you on that one.  Who knows whose out there looking for a hot mama with beautiful twins!

I did meet a lovely man online...however he wrecked my head bigtime.  (He might not have been that lovely  ) It's only since I've started looking at diy babymaking* that I've found some happiness again.  I'm bracing myself for another date but I can't help thinking it's such a lot of pressure with the old tick tock in the background.  Hopefully it's not going to drown out any conversation   I'll come back and let you know how it goes.  Actually really excited, trying to keep self in check - boo hiss.  Oh well excited, then maybe crashing disappointment, who cares!  Very excited!

Good luck one and all with their endeavours into the unknown 
Diesy

*Hardly diy although a trip to B&Q would be easier that this single abroadies route I'm gearing up for.


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## lulumead

How was the date Diesy?   


Am gearing myself up to go back online....groan...
xx


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## Betty-Boo

Ooo yes how did it go

Lulu     am keeping away from internet dating for a bit ... head not in right place for anything at the mo .. it'll get there I'm sure ...  x x x


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## Diesy

Aw, thanks for asking  

The Date
Task: To meet
Length: 1hr 45mins  
Outcome:   (And that's not for French kissing ha ha!)

Aye, it was a dud.  I thought it was going okay but at the end he just walked off and said he'd send me a text.  This is the guy I couldn't get off the phone for 3 weeks!   He was a bit hot and cold after that so I wasn't too disappointed when it didn't seen to go anywhere.  He's sent me an email on the site, although we'd progressed to personal email and phone.  Haven't read it.  I looked good though!   (Oh no, I wasn't the one on the date caught in a 90s timewarp  )  Despite spending the whole weekend workshopping and cracking a back tooth because I forgot my mouth guard - I was only asleep for 4 hrs 

I have another 3 blokes wanting to take me out    If none of them fall for me I'll admit maybe it is me...but it's not!  I'm lovely!  And I looked good and was witty and cookie!  

Good luck Lulu!  

I can keep you entertained for a wee bit with my exploits Mini  

Know what else?  I keep getting emailed by blokes that don't want any (more) weans!  I'm having a little fun with them now because they haven't read my profile.  Do you gals think it's a good idea to be upfront in what the plans are?  I'm trying to work out a way to find out their intentions before meeting.  Can't be bothered with all the faff and the being vague bit hasn't really worked in the past, maybe the direct route is better...  What d'ya think?

Hugs,
 Diesy   xx


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## Betty-Boo

honey I think its a personal thing whether to tell or not ... if its just a bit of fun - I personally wouldn't .... having bared my soul before and it going wrong I did feel vulnerable ... Next time I won't say anything until I'm sure.... I think you jst know whether to say anything and when to say anything... 
Shame date was a bit hit and miss ... men are a strange lot!!  The guy I was seeing has suddenly started texting and emailing ... strange .... we're all meeting up soon and wonder if he's feathering his nest - probably .. ain't going there!!  Hurt too much..

Take care x x x

And more importantly have some fun!!! x x x


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## greatgazza

hi girls, 

kinda bookmarking but also been reading and tbh it makes me feel a bit tired to remember the whole shenanigans that was the 'dating' scene.  I would so love to meet someone, as i'm sure some of you have read on other threads, and my head's in a spin about whether to date and tx simultaneously but i actually don't think i have the energy for it and like you mini i'm really not in the right place, at all, to be dolling myself up and making eyes at someone...the whole idea makes we want to curl up on the sofa  .  Not that i'm an old fart, by any means, god i'm still behaving like i was 22 but it all feels like a right palava and i guess i need to decide that if getting pg is my priority then i shouldn't let men distract me and mess with my head like they have for the last 30 years.....


GG x


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## Diesy

GG - now I know where I have been going wrong!  Not getting dolled up and not making eyes.  Oh well  

It is a huge distraction, I'm dying to get started on TX and then on the other hand I have these blokes I might meet.  And they are such hard work!  Fragile ego's etc.  There is actually a man agruing with me on the site I am on because I asked why he was bothering to email me when it says I want kids and he's been there and done that.  It is funny though  

This was his defence - The fact that you want children in the future shouldn't stop you dating someone you like. I dont know about you, but not all of my relationships end up with the patter of tiny feet!!  

He thinks I'm like 25 ha ha.  

I shouldn't really be giving it any more time, should just be getting on with it all.  It's not like you can make it all happen in a few months, or it's unlikely.  (And I'm sick of everyone telling me that I can't do this and that - grrrr!)

 Diesy xx


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## sweet1

Why is life so complicated?

I have been comforting a male friend who I work with who has just come out of a LTR of several years (she left him) and coping badly. He has been round a few times. Trouble is, I am quite liking the company, and I like him,  even though I know for him it is just a shoulder to cry on. I feel as though I am letting myself be a mug, cooking for him etc and tbh I feel like a complete idiot even thinking it could ever be any more. 

I suppose it feels better just writing it down and reading it in black and white, because then I can 'detach' myself from it and pretend I'm reading it as someone else's problem and give myself some practical advice i.e. get these thoughts out of your head!!!!

And I am due to go for tx again in November. I wish these silly thoughts would just go away.


Diesy you poor thing - still I have to laugh a little. Men just don't seem to get it do they even if you spell it out in black and white!!


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## Betty-Boo

Honey don't think yourself as a mug ... wouldn't you do the same if it was a female friend??  I know I would.  Yes being male can have its complications as us women do keep falling for them    - but please don't feel like a mug - you're helping a friend through a difficult time and that's a kind thing to do, compassionate and caring x x
It's only natural to have feelings honey - you're sharing a very personal time with him x x


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## greatgazza

yes i was going to say something similar.  You're being very considerate and caring so don't feel like a mug.  Obviously keep an eye on if you feel you're being taken for granted but as Mini says you would do the same for a female friend but unfortunately for you your feelings might be starting to cloud the situation a little.  I think you're right to keep your feelings in check for now, who knows if it could ever be anything more but as you say he needs a friend and a shoulder right now and even if things did develop how you might want them to if he is on the rebound that could end up being very painful for you.

Just keep having a reality check and be proud of yourself for being a nice and caring friend but try and keep it in those terms, as a friend, for your own protection and self-preservation.  if anything changed in the future then wow, what a bonus but for now you have to think of yourself and your tx and try not to let your feelings get ahead of you.

GG x


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## sweet1

Thank you Mini and GG for your wise words - you put it so much more eloquently than I could have done. And you are absolutely right, I definitely need to keep my feelings in check, because I was starting to wonder if my motives for wanting him to come round were entirely altruistic.

I think I am going to take a step back, if he still asks to come round fair enough I won't say no and will keep asking how he is etc but that's that. I really need to just be focusing on TX.

Hope everyone else is ok, it's all so difficult isn't it!!! x


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## Betty-Boo

Honey its very difficult ... I know I'm struggling at the mo as the bloke I was seeing has been in touch quite a lot lately .... (me thinks its because a few of us are meeting up next month ... feathering his nest??  I think so ..... )  And I'm finding it quite hard but also really nice at the same time.  Am still trying to get my head round txing next year that I can't have this put me back again.... It is hard and we're only human at the end of the day but as you and GG say ... we've got to protect us... x x x 

              
Take care x x


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## greatgazza

Yep, that's all we can do.  I would love to have a man around but kinda glad i haven't at the moment as it would mess with my head which is already in a complete mess.  i know i'd been posting about the possibility of dating too and whether it could work but i think i've worked out that for me, at the moment, it can't.  If a bloke was on the scene it would totally distract me from tx, i'd get completely carried away in fantasy land that we could have a fairytale ending and picturing us teaching our children to ride their ponies!! mental i know but it's hard not to fantasize about what we've always wanted  .  If a bloke were to hurt me now i'd be in even more pieces than i already am as i know i'm just too fragile at the moment so i really do have to do some self-preservation and try and keep focused cos i can't miss out of the tx window of opportunity and possibly still end up without a man.  we have time limits on our tx'ing but men can come along anytime....(unfortunately!  

GG x


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## Betty-Boo

GG                    
With you there big big hugs honey x x x
Our time will come x


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## lulumead

Sweet SA: the others have said it really. I think you sound lovely and very kind...just keep your wits about you, enjoy his company, do what you are doing and you never know maybe it will all work out in the right way in the end. He clearly likes spending time with you too - hard if you want more but you need to focus on you. Am only telling you this as I need to tell myself the same thing about my man from NY    Easier to advise others than take my own advice sometimes   


GG: with you there...if I meet someone I vaguely like, I've already got the kids and great life planned out in my head within minutes!!


AFM: With 4 days left of his 5 week visit, Mr NY decided to flirt last night, and a little today. Told me I looked hot etc etc blah blah....should be nice to hear but I don't get him at all - can't be bothered with it.     so frustrating!!


Hey ho...will think about online dating in November.
xx


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## greatgazza

Phew Lulu thank god i'm not alone in my lunacy!!! (no offence   !!)

GG x


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## Betty-Boo

Lulu            bonkers aren't they ... MR F is doing the same ... why??  Is it cos they can see we're moving forwards?  I dunno but they amaze me!!

Take care hun x x x


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## Diesy

Well, if we're all bonkers it's because the blokes have driven us to it...though we're not   It is all so complicated!  

Lulu - their timing is impeccable!  What are they all about  

Sweet SA, glad you found my dating story funny, I thought it was.  I can't believe I ended up having an argument on an online dating site.  And it's so easy to get confused over their actions because they do confusing stuff.  In some ways I think they are lost without a girlfriend.

Another funny one is a guy I quite liked on email has just broken the news he has a very big dog.  The type of dog that quite badly hurt my little dog earlier this year - how ironic.  I don't think I can meet him now 

My best friend wants me to give it three more months on the dating site before I go for Tx.  All right for her, she has a child and doesn't really approve of what I'm up to.  How come I'm getting denied while I wait around for some non existent Knight!  

Blokes they want it all their own way, the older they get the worst it's been, that' my experience.  That guy I met this week, I don't think he could handle anyone with a personality.  I'm having the same problems at work.

Chin up everyone - it's the weekend - yay!
Diesy xx


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## wishingforanangel

Diesy said:


> Wishing - It mystifies me what men are ever thinking above or below the waist ha ha. I think an easy life/thrill of the chase sums it up in my experience.


Good point. : )

 is for your friend diesy with the kid. i hope you're not offended. i think a lot of us single women ttc would love a knight in shining armor but it didn't quite work out that way. sometimes i think guys have it easy...they don't have to hear tick tock of the clock.

but hoping you ladies do find your knights in shining armor...


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## Diesy

Hi Wishing & et al,

Thanks   I'm fed up with the lot of them (blokes) and with the friends that can't be happy for me, eg friend with the kid, shame she means well.  See, I even have to excuse her 

I met my last bf online and we split up a year ago last week.  I've had the most awful weekend for a while, feeling so sad and hurt and confused.  I don't know if I can go on with tx now   Too sad.  I did buy super pre-preggie vitamins today, nearly had nervous breakdown on the way to the till.  When I asked the Holland & Barrett girl about them you'd have thought I was asking for heroin.  

I had a wee look on Guardian Soulmates, saw an ex and a guy I worked with   My heart isn't in it.  I don't think even a KISA (knight in shining) could get me to date him.  They scare the hell out of me now, honestly.  

I think...my head is too wrecked to go ahead with tx   It's going to be all I do to get to work tomorrow.  Maybe I get out my shiny new tx passport and book a week somewhere hot...

Hope everyone else is feeling more chipper!  
Diesy Downer


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## lulumead

Hey Diesy


Sorry you are feeling down     Anniversaries of breaking up are really hard...bring up all the 'what if' questions. Don't be too hard on yourself...maybe let yourself feel a bit rubbish and sorry for yourself for a couple of weeks and then pick back up.


Sometimes I think the only thing i miss is some good    I'm not sure I can be bothered with all the emotional trauma that seems to accompany it!!  I need some new friends with benefits I think.   


Hope you manage to feel ok to go to work tomorrow, but if you don't then just take the day off and do something nice, for you.
xxxx


Oh and a week in the sun sounds like a very good idea. x


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## Diesy

Thank you Lulu!  

Those wee jumping beans made me smile!  I'll see about work tomorrow, feel like I need a week in bed.  I think it is the year thing and getting all geared up for tx and then dropping out the race at the last minute - I knew it was going to wreck my head.

I think some guys think because they are online that girlfriends are very easily replaced.  Kid in a sweetie shop syndrome (KSSS).  It's not a real place.  It's kind of worse because my last bf never said it's over.  I wish he had and then I wouldn't have kept hoping.  Hey I should start a new thread - Train Wreck Boyfriends Part 51.    

Oh well.  Thanks for replying   
Diesy xx


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## Betty-Boo

Diesy honey ... know what you mean ... it does get easier, you do hurt less and you never forget... A failed relationship lets you know what you don't want in the fututre and what you won't put up with.... Must admit and getting a bit pee'd off with kissing all these frogs and no KISA appearing!!!

Not looking forward to my weekend in Butlins - will be good to catch up with everyone but not the ex (Mr F) with whom I was his ** ... altho at first I didn't mind ... then the feelings kick in on both sides ... I know he's expecting   hasn't said it but dropped hints ... little does he know how far I've moved on!!!                
Diesy -  a holiday in the sun or a little time out sounds heaven to me!!  You take care, time is a healer, and there is no limit on how long it takes to heal.  

          mini x x 

Lulu honey - how are you?? x x


----------



## suitcase of dreams

Diesy - just wanted to send some     
No wise words I'm afraid since my relationship history is pretty disasterous and I've spent the past 6+ yrs resisting getting into an affair with a married colleague and comparing everyone else to him - no wonder I'm still single...
Hope you feel better soon   

Mini -   for you too and hope the Butlins w/e isn't as bad as you fear. Remember you deserve the best (and not someone who just wants a quick    (not quite the right icon, but you know what I mean!)

Take care all, 
Suitcase
x


----------



## Diesy

Thank you Mini   I think they are all deluded    Go knock 'em dead at Butlins!  There is nothing more attractive than unavailability, so I think you can have some fun with that   Good luck    Stripes are bang in right now so have fun as your alter ego   

Thanks for the hugs Suitcase, really not in a good way at all   But you gals are helping!

I don't think I'm ever going to get over this guy or feel better about it...  It took a lot to get involved again what with one thing and another and I can't afford to get hurt like this.  I don't think even my friends who know my story understand...they definitely don't   

I'm going to go look at holidays, can't afford it but I can dream.  And you never know...  Mini - can't wait to hear how Butlins goes...hope that snot doesn't follow you there   If it does scare it off with some vodka   Are you all better now?

Off to make macaroni and cheese and chips - Diesy xx


----------



## Diesy

PS  Suitcase - six years!  You poor thing!  They just get under your skin and that's it.  It must be hard to cope with that in the workplace.  And constantly reminded elsewhere.  At least we are loyal, eh?  

Diesy xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Diesy ... been doing the gym thing - got some fab fancy dress outfits .. so will be look and don't touch!!
Just watching the only was is essex ... oh dear... made me smile though.
Suity honey - men are something else eh!!  Just hope if I have a boy he'll grow up learning to respect us ladies!!

Big hugs xx


----------



## greatgazza

Diesy, sorry to hear you're feeling low.  None of this is easy is it  

Have you decided not to have treatment?  What has made you change your mind?

GG x


----------



## Diesy

Good luck Mini!  Tee hee 

GG - thanks doll!  I know you have a lot going on.  How are you?

Not sure what I'm going to do now.  Feel like I'm on the fence and very very sad   Last week I had all my ducks in a row and then some edjit on a jet ski has come along and now they are all swimming in different directions and some of them are under the water with little speech bubbles going argghh!  Getting a bit carried away there    

And just to get it back on topic   I wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for that pesky internet dating.  

Don't know what to do, too sad right now for much of anything.  Better today after reading all my lovely messages!  Taking it easy and hoping for a way out the mire 

Hugs to all!  Thanks for the kind words 
Diesy xx


----------



## greatgazza

Hi Diesy

I'm not good at all either.  Won't hijack this post but gonna compose a post asking for advice about whether i should carry on with my next tx or not as i'm pretty scared about it all now tbh (i know it can only be my decision but i really need some help with a way forward)  .

GG x


----------



## Diesy

Hi GG,

Originally when I first posted I was in two minds whether I was looking for help with going for genetic IVF or all by myself (DIUI) because things were up in the air with my ex.  I'm going to PM you in a mo.  Not sure I'll be any good but I've had a couple of thoughts for you. 

Sending heaps of these        Try to keep your chin a wee bit up and remember consultant said keep going.

Diesy xxx


----------



## Diesy

Hello!

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for cheering me up!!!  I took some time on Monday which saved me 

I managed to chew out a couple of poor unsuspecting guys on the dating site, but a friend (pro counsellor) at work just said I was asserting my boundaries - yay the counselling is paying off.  Well he was going online and not picking up my mails for days, I just thought he wasn't very seriously interested.  Plus he dared to try and impress me with his material wealth, poor luv.

So I took down my pics, put up a shaddow pic, I am 9' tall and a sive 10.  I whitewashed my profile, just lots of .....followed by a !  

It's all backfired on me and I have now been inundated by new mail, new male!!!  I even got an email from someone saying - PMS lol!

I've put new words - I was sitting at the lights the other day, playing the steering wheel and I've realised what is missing from my life. Oh, that special person would be amazing, funny, considerate, bright... But instead I've decided on a drum kit - the ones with the headphones.

I feel sorry for any poor male that crosses my path, I think we should all   to give them strength to cope.

The last couple of weeks I've had the dating site/ff/European Sperm Bank open on my browser at the same time  

Joking aside, I think I should lay low for a bit.  Still missing the ex so... 

Diesy xx


----------



## morrigan

Diesy I love your style !!! I think we should start our own dating site "want to meet perfect man - sperm not required !"

One day I'll be brave enough to get back on to one of those sites.


----------



## Diesy

Thanks Morrigan!  You may be the only one!!!  

That is a fantastic idea!  It certainly cuts down the requirement list as no sleepless nights worrying that junior will get his ears!

I recommend a lobotomy before going online, they are all driving me barmy!

I did have a little success IN THE FLESH today!!!  Last week I sat next to the boy I like on my course.  We've talked before, before I realised he was cute, I thought too young for me but he's nice.  So last week not a word or a glance...  This week I have his PHONE NUMBER!  (Yes, I really am 40   not 14!!!)  The wonderful thing about Tiggers and Tiggers are wonderful things!  I've never really learned to flirt, so it was one of those 'throw yourself into traffic' chat-ups.  Yikes, do you think the rest of the class noticed :s  Anyhoo, now   ing he's somewhere in his 30's      

See what happens when one has a bad week, desperate measures 

BTW  You are the second person this week that suggested setting up a new dating site to me 

Lets work on a name   'Spermless Dating' has a certain ring...'Date Not Procreate'...oh yeah, been on that one already in an unofficial capacity.


----------



## Betty-Boo

Just thought I'd start this one again ... only because am at a major cross roads ... 
Do I continue to break myself emotionally and financially and again to fulfil my dreams of being a mum and having a baby ...

Or come to terms with not being a mum and concentrate on finding a life partner ... 

Mmmm... decision - really missing the fact that I am on my own now - could do with some loving long arms wrapping themselves round me to tell me it will be ok .... iykwim

Not sure about Match - had some horrible experiences ... anyone tried speed dating?? Or do I just pluck the courage and really go for in online

Mmm... answers on a postcard!     

Mini xx


----------



## Diesy

I bookmarked this the other day to resurrect.  Took a bit of finding!

I think it's a good thing to do when you are having a break, or at a crossroads as you say.  You'll know you have to be careful, I've been put off men by my ex, it just took a while to sink in.  They appear to be their own allergen    But it's good for some entertainment and a little boost annnnnnnnnnd you just never know   I think it's the main way people meet these days.

I've been on Oasis since August.  It works a bit different from others.  You get a contact request and accept and then they can message you.  If your online it's just like messenger (annoying), if not it leaves a message in the messenger box for the next time you are online.  You can also send flirts.  I think it times out about 7-14 days so you need to keep on it.  It's more civilised that Plenty of Fish in that you don't get an email and you can choose to accept that contact request from the 18-22 year saying I think your haut (dull dull dull).  It's free.  You might find it a bit like Match though.  I think you can have horrid experiences on all of them.

Go for it!  We can giggle about the weirdos  

    
 Diesy xx

PS  My mate did speed dating, went home with another girl's phone number to go to the pub with


----------



## morrigan

Mini- I guess theres no answer- I know everytime I got  BFN the whole being single thing reared its head. I would say go for it but dont think that it will be a break from the emotional roller coaster- its just a different roller coaster- probably a bit cheaper though! Change may be as good as a rest though 

Has anyone tried the old fashioned idea of a actual agency- do they exist now?


----------



## lulumead

Mini - will PM you as I am about to start internet dating again, for a bit of fun.  I might do eharmony. My flat mate is getting married next year to man she met on there....might also do guardian soulmates. Something to do of an evening when LO is in bed.


I say go for it for a bit, it doesnt have to stop you coming back to TTC next year, you could spend a few months seeing whose about as you just never know.


Morrigan is right though, probably another rollercoaster!  


lets get this thread going ladies    
xxx


----------



## greatgazza

Think this is a really tough one mini     

I have been *very* lonely the last few months and would have loved someone to wrap their arms around me.  And as Morrigan said the whole being single thing doesn't go away and keeps rearing its annoying head.  I think it would be great if it could be seen as a bit of a break, and as diesy says, a change is as good as a rest etc, and if you get an ego boost then that's also really good.  If it were me I think i might be worried i would still be seeing that 'date' as a potential father, unless of course i had absolutely and totally come to terms with getting off this roller coaster.  Whether i like it or not i tend to get carried away if i meet a bloke i like (which i have to say is very rare, about 2 in the last 6 years....) and build up a whole fantasy of our lovely 'family' life together with our beautiful children playing outside and teaching them to ride their ponies!!  If i hadn't come to terms with not having a child i know I would still be 'searching' and probably still be giving off that 'desperate' vibe.  

Maybe you need more time to deal with this 'cross roads' and work out which direction you want to go, but if you can handle it then having a bit of fun and meeting men might be a great idea.  you never know you might be one of the lucky ones, meet the man of your dreams and get the family fairytale after all!!  it could happen.  I do get very sad when i feel negative and think that choosing this route might mean i'm on my own with LO for the rest of my life and it absolutely SUCKS that we have ended up in this situation where we have had to choose one or the other but i guess at least we're being strong and making the best of our situations and taking control.

i do keep reminding myself about how many crap relationships there are out there, and read about them on the relationship thread on here etc.  and it gives me a bit of comfort that maybe i'm not missing out on all that!

i haven't heard great things about match recently either as my lodger was on there and ended up having big arguments about them taking money etc.

i guess for now, keep thinking and talking about your options and see what starts to feel right/comfortable.

GG xx


----------



## greatgazza

blimey lulu good for you!!

how will you manage that with your LO so small??! you must be very organised already?  i was imagining i wouldn't be able to *do* anything for years!

GGx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Thing is, this is probably more or less the end of the road with regards to being a mum for me, I'm a realist and just need to start concentrating on my happiness now - as tbh this has made me so miserable and taken its toll - 5 years of constant disappointment and feeling like I've let others down .. Can't do it any more.  I'm not sure more time to come to terms with it is the way forward for me - more time just means more sadness and feeling sorry for myself and not moving forward.  As for seeing someone as a potential daddy, with an AMH of 0.0 and having done the trying for a baby thing in the past - those days are over.  I'd prefer to look towards a life partner. 


Lulu - will have a look at those ... did join eharmony - briefly then ran away ..      Can't say the talent here is that brilliant either!! 


Diesy - will happily share stories and compare notes..   


Mini xx


----------



## lulumead

we should have one of those, bring a man you like but dont want to date parties and see if they suit anyone else!!


GG: I have a great mum and dad who are more than happy to babysit. Have already left him for the morning whilst I did some tidying up at home...helps that he is bottle fed and very easy going so far    I feel very lucky.
Not really planning to meet anyone to come fully into our lives, just be nice to go out on some dates for a bit and have some fun!!    


x


----------



## greatgazza

sounds fab lulu, go for it!!

have you given any thought to questions from dates about your LO and the 'father' etc?? i know it's early days but i worry about things a year or two in advance and things that might never happen!!

GGx


----------



## Tommi

What an interesting thread! I had a long conversation about this with a friend of mine last night. She has just ended her marriage of 25 years and is starting to talk openly now about how it was never a relationship. So many couples are like that. I used to think I was cynical but I'm not. Just looking at a naked emperor that's all!   

I'd love to try shaking up a whole load of couples and re-matching them with different partners. 

Re some matching websites... be really careful! I did try it and from the matches I was given I think the only criteria for matching is whether you want children or not. That said, I am still in touch with one guy I met who had realised the same. We are friends but not more. He's very kind and we laugh a lot. But some of the guys that got in touch were extremely insistent and desperate for commitment! (It's a myth that it's women who are desperate!) 

I still think that the best way to meet someone is through your every day life but I do think it helps to acknowledge that for whatever reason, good relationships are extremely hard to come by. Out of all the couples I know, I would rather be single than have what they have. And I would definitely rather be single than go through the grief that the relationships I have had have caused me.

I will never know why society still thinks that being in a couple is the best way to be. Look at the divorce rate and the happiness levels among those who maybe would divorce if they were brave enough. Look at happiness levels overall! Recent research has shown that unless you are in an exceptional relationship you are better off being single from a health, happiness and well-being perspective. Some think the research is depressing. I think it's incredibly liberating!

Gosh, got a bit carried away there. I do think, though, that if you ask any doctor, teacher, social worker etc about the state of relationships today, they won't have much positive to say based on what they see.

Good luck whatever you decide! There are some great organisations that take an evidence-based look happiness and well-being. Check out Life Squared and Action for Happiness.

T xx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

lulu - admire your energy- you go girl    
although I also have a mum who is more than willing to babysit, the last thing I feel like doing at the end of an exhausting day is going out on a date! maybe in time I'll get back to it but for now I'm prioritising sleep!

my sister met her boyfriend on Match.com - they've been together 18mths and just moved in together. So it can and does work...but you have to stick with it. she did online dating for 2-3 yrs before meeting him

mini -     things are bound to still feel raw after the recent BFN...take it slow, don't feel you have to rush into making life changing decisions, but good luck if you do decide to get out there and date   

morri - I tried an agency when I first came back to the UK from Australia - I was 34ish I think, wanted to meet someone, didn't trust online dating (amazing how it's grown in the past 8-10 yrs - I wouldn't think twice about it now) 
agency was expensive but it meant you didn't get any time wasters. all of them were genuinely looking for long term relationship. met one or two nice enough guys but at the time I'd started a new job, was travelling 2-3 times a month and I just didn't like any of them enough to really make time to see if it would have gone anywhere. kind of regret that now, but also suspect I didn't meet the right person as if you do, you make time for it don't you?

good luck all, I'd love to meet someone but I think I need to get my energy back first - not to mention sort out my job/home situation...
Suitcase
x

PS GG - if I was to start dating I think I'd be very upfront and say my two were donor conceived - I suspect for many prospective partners that's more appealing than there being an ex around...


----------



## greatgazza

yes suity i also think i'd be very upfront.  tbh i can't help it i just tend to blab all when someone asks me something!!  but i wouldn't want to be hiding anything anyway. i guess my worry is whether they would think there was something 'wrong' with us....why couldn't we meet someone and do it the traditional way?  and to be this strong and determined they might think we're bra burning, man-hating feminists and to be avoided at all costs!! 

GGx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

well if that's what they think then I wouldn't want to be going out with them anyway   

all the men I have told (which makes it sound like hundreds when in fact it's more like 2 or 3    ) have just thought it was a very brave thing to do and seen it as a positive rather than a negative
any man who sees anything even slightly negative in the choice I have made to have my boys is not worth even an evening of my very valuable time - let alone a relationship...

Suitcase
x


----------



## morrigan

Lulu - i am impressed.

Mini- I seem to remember someone on here- maybe fraggles coming across an organisation that arranges non dating activities outings etc might also be worth looking at- you never know who you may meet although I am in danger of sounding like one of those people you want to slap when they tell you to get a hobbie thats how they met there other half !! I also have a friend who went on one of those holidays for singles and had some amazing travels and made some good friends. I feel I should make the effort to have more friends that are single rather than always feeling like the odd one out.

I have to say I found it very draining as i never got to go on any dates and mainly got rejections even from the people that had contacted me but I have friends who have happily gone on many dates and had a good social life in the mean time.


----------



## Betty-Boo

Totally agree Suity - the men I've told about my journey have been brilliant and very supportive - they've been more worried about the toil its taken on me to be honest.


M xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

I have a few work colleagues who have had great success on e harmony.  Plenty of fish men were just after sex and no chatting etc. Match seemed to have more players!

Good luck mini
L


----------



## Betty-Boo

Thanks JJ - I'm thinking more of eharmony too ... Plenty of Fish just seems to be full of chancers...Have lowered my standards in the past ... not doing that again!     
M xx


----------



## Tommi

I agree Suitcase - I haven't told many what I'm up to but have had v positive comments from the (2) men I have told. And having made the decision to go it alone I have a totally different attitude to the whole partner issue because I'm not looking for a biological dad. That was a really difficult stage to get through! When I spend time with a man now I haven't got in the furthest corner of my mind thoughts about where it might go and whether they can have children    

It's all very strange how quickly things have changed. 

Morrigan - I have a lot of friends who are single but they don't do much seeking out of partners. I guess they are single by choice and v happy that way so in terms of being a help to find a partner... not much help! But as an example of leading a happy life they are great. I know what you mean about the rejections from those who contact you in the first place... some are hilarious! I remember one asked me if I liked to cook... when I said I did he wrote back to say that he followed a raw food diet and found women who eat cooked food "disgusting". Nice    There was another guy who said he couldn't tell what size I was from the picture but if I had any clothes in my wardrobe larger than a size 8 he didn't want to know. And another guy who told me he was married but that it wouldn't matter because we lived so far apart I would never bump into his wife! I guess, if I can find some compassion about all this, it's hard for everyone and that brings out different fears/responses in us.    

It's great to know that some have had success on these sites, or at least know others who have. Love the idea of no-pressure activities/non-dating. 

T xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

I had one who wanted me to make the journey to meet him and when I said I couldn't due to work commitments he went mental and told me in no uncertain terms that all western women were the root cause of all evil and marriage break ups and how he was going to Vietnam to find himself a bride ... Err why are you on Match?? He was OK until I told him what I did job wise - that put him off.... then just went     Err... right click delete me thinks


----------



## Tommi

Thank God for the delete button!


----------



## upsydaisy

Tommi - I think we may have used the same dating site


----------



## Tommi

Upsy...     
Maybe we should start a support group!


----------



## kizzi79

Mini. 

Sorry things continue to be so tough   . Wishing you all the best in finding peace and happiness in what ever you decide to do.

Love Krissi  xx


----------



## morrigan

OMG Tommi thats so bad its almost entertaining - I hope you took it that way- Reminda of the difficulties I had with match sorting out the 6 months free if you dont meet someone within 6 months- It mucked up my account and they actually told me that doing the extension thing doesnt happen much so they didn't know why there was a problem- it was about then I lost interest!!!


----------



## lulumead

oh lordy, reading all of your tales reminds me how awful internet dating can be...maybe I don't want to do it   


Have to agree and say all the men I know have thought what I have done is great, but then they already know me so wouldnt judge in the same way.  My social worker from adoption gave a word of warning though when she said that men are know to pray on single mums to get to kids....sounds a bit alarmist but I suppose if you are vulnerable and they are looking for a situation to exploit it could happen. Just means its wise to be extra careful. I'm not sure I would talk about LO until in email contact and then I would definitely say how he was conceived, will scare some men off and others wont care!


Maybe Plenty of Fish is the site I need    
xxx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Have heard that too Lulu ...


As for plenty of fish - if you want a bit of    .. its the site!!     


Mini xxx


----------



## Damelottie

lulumead said:


> we should have one of those, bring a man you like but dont want to date parties and see if they suit anyone else!!


They did that once on SATC - hilarious. Especially because Sam didn't take the man she took it was that kind of party   .

I would love to meet somebody. I really would. But I never will. My confidence is far too low now. Plus I'd never actually have the time to see them. I don't have any babysitters unfortunately.

I shall live through all your dates tho   .

One of our very georgous and lovely single girlies met a man recently online and they are just about to move in together


----------



## Damelottie

lulumead said:


> that men are know to pray on single mums to get to kids....


I think thats what happened to me, with the man next door. Scared me half to death when I realised he was probably quite dodgy. That was somebody I had know for years too.................


----------



## Betty-Boo

It's fab news isn't Em ... So happy for her xxx
Gives me hope cos our lives were running in parallel @ one point ... Hopefully mine will catch up with hers soon.

M xx


----------



## caramac

Mini - I think you are doing the right thing to give yourself something else to concentrate on after trying so long and hard. I definitely think that internet dating is one of the main ways people meet nowadays...in fact on my work forum we were all just talking about how many of our couples met this way. However, I definitely think that the pool of "talent" varies across the country...when I tried it I was quite disappointed with what was on offer. There was only one bloke who took my fancy and that didn't work out. It does require a lot of effort to really go for it and find someone...I guess my heart just wasn't in it really. I am too happy being single!


----------



## sweet1

That's lovely news Dame Lottie, very happy for her (not sure who she is but still happy!) Give me hope ...

I would like to meet someone too but I also think it hasn't happened in 37 years so it's not likely when I am greying, with stretch marks and far too used to being on my own...

I have to admit the thought someone mght want to get to me to get to LO has crossed my mind more than once.  Sad this is the world we live in isn't it but I guess it does happen...would definitely be wary about dating for that reason though :S


----------



## Elpida

I thought I'd come out of lurk mode to post on this thread. I've been doing the internet dating thing since January and I've had a blast. I'm on Match and MSF - more traffic on Match but more genuine people on MSF I think. 


I've had quite a few dates and a few little flings, I've found I quite enjoy the dating thing and it's actually done wonders for my confidence that I can go along, have a coffee or a few drinks with someone and know whether or not I wast to spend more time with them. I was told I def needed donor eggs after my last cycle in Feb and factored in a 3 year wait. So with an enforced break and less pressure from my own biological clock I left my job and have been having fun and going on dates was part of that. Then had my immunes done at Care and have been told use own eggs. Hmmm no proper job (I'm in a long term temp job but no contract) and the tick-tock is loud once again. I'm planning a cycle at EAster I think, but plan to carry on doing the dating till then. I am looking for a relationship I suppose but haven't seen anyone for long enough to have the family conversation. I'm trying very hard to do the day-at-a-time thing and not let the tx take over every part of my life again, at least not until it has to. 


Well I have a date in 45 minutes so should go and check I've not spilled my breakfast down myself before heading out.


Take care all


E x


----------



## Damelottie

Well done Esperanza. I also found the internet dating good for my confidence in many ways. Getting lots of attention and then deciding not to bother with them haha. It was slightly different when the ones i did like then didn't like me but....... Moving on haha


----------



## Betty-Boo

E - lovely to hear a positive story and that you're having lots of fun    


Keep away from those sailor boys though .. saying that they are good for a laugh      (and some a bit more...     )

You've given me a little boost - think will investigate and actually join this internet dating malarky again ... 


Thank you     


Mini xx


ps loving your tx philosophy - wise wise words .. it does take over and sometime its a good idea to jump off the merry-go-round and have some YOU time xx


----------



## lulumead

hey mini, you signed up yet   


still on my to do list! but will get round to it I promise!!
xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

not yet ... just started the diet again to shift this comfort eating ...   then am gonna hit it with a vengeance .. keep getting lots of text from a certain someone    .... bless ... Need to find someone decent though! Need a little bit of fun    ...


How's you?? and Baby L? xxx


Mini xxx


----------



## Diesy

I've been wondering about that too Lulu...

Mini, one of my nearest and dearest commented on my tummy the other day, ie it's size    

comfort eating => happy => happy dating => love => love sick => skinny jeans

Go Lulu, go Mini!  I've had to cancel all my dates


----------



## Diesy

PS  Did I say gorgeous baby pic there Lulu?  Smashing, gorgeous wee boy there    xx


----------



## lulumead

thanks Diesy...I think he is pretty lovely, am hoping to grow him into a nice man to redress the balance   


I say join up Mini, forget the weight loss, who cares   ...hmmmm, naughty texting man    Why do they make things so tricky! New pastures needed I think.


I went out on Friday night to see some comedy which was great but was happy to head home to bubs, made me think that any crap internet dates will be very short, dont think I will have the patience to suffer them   


I'm thinking that maybe I just really want a friend with benefits, less hassle all round!
xxx


----------



## Betty-Boo

been thinking that too ........    LOL.. can do with the benefits ... just none of the other stuff ...


Yeah a certain someone has got keen after nothing happened apart from a peck on the cheek when I last saw him ...... Annoying    ..      but lovin the power   


We'll sock it to them..
Mini xx


----------



## Diesy

He's gorg Lulu!  Yes, we can all hope for a better Britain with more single mums bringing their boys up right!   for Lennie     (I've just found the extra smilies  )

Yup, friends with benefits all the way!  Can't be bothered with the rest of it.  They behave so badly these days, unbelievable!  

I say ditch him Mins    had his chance and it wouldn't be a benefit with him.  Onwards and Upwards me luv!  Hark at me lol

And, while I'm here did nobody ever see that article in Cosmo saying you get better  with curves?

Diesy xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

He's gone - Just makes me laugh that because I no longer fall at his feet (then again not sure I ever did) .. He's all interested again.  MMmmmm had your chance!   
Am up in Glasgow for Hogmanay!!  Whoop whoop - can't wait for that one! 


  Mini xxx


ps am just getting rid of the curves on curves .. not the curves..


----------



## Diesy

Brilliant stuff Mini!  I feel vastly reassured that you have moved on.  Well done, not easy but sounds like it's for the best    My problem was I always got talked round    Let him sweat, bout time he learned  

   Homogamy in Glasgow   
Whoop Whoop!  I was looking for tickets the other week for Cafe Noir but they are all sold out  

I started RC Inch Lose Plan this morning, was doing great till now   I can't even go to the gym to work it off    It's a good diet though, really easy to follow...unless you break down and have 2 bags of crisps and a coke    Have been feeling a bit happier though, so maybe that will help.  Off to dental hospital tomorrow and it's right by the cake shop    

Diesy (munching Maltesers, they are nice though!) xx

PS  I edited my formula, it's very scientific  

comfort eating => happy => happy dating => love => love sick => skinny jeans


----------



## Betty-Boo

RC is brilliant - really recommend it - we're off to here for NY as mate lives in the flats which is part of it .. staggering distance:

http://www.westbeer.com/

As for internet dating - still no profile - was thinking about my single friend - supposed to be good...

Mini xx
/links


----------



## Diesy

Oooh, the Brewery is good!  Nice space   Totally unrelated but it's hound friendly too, extra points in my book ...and it's right by the Peoples Palace which is lovely all lit up.  You'll probably see fireworks from there too.

Oasis is free, it doesn't take all that long to set up...just repeating the advert haha, but all true.  What are the boys like on MSF?

I'm thinking of digging out my slendertone thing but not sure if my uterus is that keen.  It doesn't want to do anything these days and complains a lot if I try to take it anywhere.  I wish it would quit moaning and I could get on with important things like...dating  

Diesy xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Not got the energy to join yet .. hate writing my profile - never know what to write - might get my friend to do it ..     
Yes love Peoples Palace - friend lives in the flats along Templeton St ... Can't wait! Can crawl home at ease ...   


M xxx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Lulu - started yet??   
I've not - think may wait until in Glasgow and do the my single friend - get my bessie friend to write mine and I'll write hers ...


What I'd do for a big manly hug right now ..   
M xx


----------



## lulumead

eek not yet Mini...i promise i will if you do    


I have never done my single friend...maybe i should try it. Might do lovestruck.com which seems to be a london based one.


I can offer you a titchy hug from little L    not the same!  A proper special man hug would do the job right now    


xx

/links


----------



## Betty-Boo

what a pair we are!!  I'm still undecided .. Friend is convinced some bloke is trying to smooth in - see him every Friday when I brief at a certain military base .. He always comes up and says hello - I just thought he was being nice.
Ah  ... you never know!     


Need to take that giant leap tbh ... stuck in a rut!


  right back at you and L ... I'm loving L's virtual hugs xxx


----------



## Diesy

Shhhh, he's in the loo.  It's going...darn he's coming back. TBC


----------



## Betty-Boo

Best you do!!


----------



## Diesy

Ah well, can't win 'em all.  There were so many rugged men in that pub I took him to though.  I got checked out    So, not a complete wash out.  ...Or maybe they were checking out my dog, who chatted up more people than is humanly possible.  I know where I'll be next Saturday afternoon 

But, the guy, he kept putting his knees against my knees or legs and I kept moving away.  (Or sitting with his legs wide open.)  No like, am I weird?  And he kissed me hello    I might not be a very good date    Need to find someone a bit more my type and I don't think I'll find them online.  Right I'm off to the shop for a big bag of choc buttons.  Poor hound is shattered from chatting to every person in the pub.  Zzzz... 

Signing out, Adventures in Dating Inc.  (Yes I've had 2 drinks   )  Good luck out there, it's a jungle with lots of big trees and stuff.


----------



## sohocat

Hi,
I've been lurking and wanted to post. I love this thread! We should have a support group for dating on the internet-it's so weird and hard sometimes. I am on match and e-harmony-I just joined. I like it because like others have posted, it's boosts my confidence. There are players and it's hard, so I just don't put up with anything I don't like. I trust my instincts, and if I don't like them in any way, I delete them and move on. I feel like it can't hurt to be on the dating websites. and it's not the only place to meet men. You need to meet them out and about too. I have gone on one date from e-harmony. Not relationship material but if was fun and made me feel better. He paid for my dinner and that was good! I love sushi and he came to where I live from driving in traffic and a bit away which was good. 
I just needed some help. Any advice or support/help would be so appreciated. I feel scared too, about going out meeting men-it has to be the right man. I don't want to bring anyone into my life-I need to be careful for my daughter. Please tell me it can be done, and that there are men out there who want a family, will be great dads, and will love me and my daughter! It's so scary now that I have a child, but I do want a life more than my child too for when I get older. This thread is really good and congrats to those of us who are getting out there despite it all!    Good for you Esperanza! You inspire me!


sohocat


----------



## sohocat

Mini,
What do you do where you have to brief at a military base? Maybe I should get into that line of work if it get men flirting with me!    Time for a career switch!   


sohocat


----------



## Betty-Boo

Ha ha ha .. I'm in the Royal Navy, so brief at a Naval Base ... believe you me - the Sailor types are dangerous!!


I've heard of so many success stories with regards to internet dating - think you have to be in the right frame of mind .. I'm not sure I'm quite there .. still pining for an ex I reckon .. Men eh!!   


Sohocat, I'd let friends know you're gonna meet someone and take your time - think if it was me it would be some time before they'd meet my LO.  Saying that - my ex (from a few years back) was sooo keen for me to meet his kids - he wanted a baby sitter!!  Cheeky sod!


Happy shopping!!      


Mini xxx


----------



## sohocat

Thanks Mini Minx,
I should tell everyone I know., and thanks for your response. I'm sorry about your ex, and just to let you know, I do believe that there are men just as wonderful as your ex out there for you to meet. Not that I know him   , I'm just saying.    


sohocat


----------



## lulumead

Hey there fellow kind of Internet daters!!

I still haven't signed up....forgot that I had a profile on match affinity so might give that a go!!  Kind of cant be bothered but also ready to go out for some fun. Dilemma!

Xx


----------



## sohocat

Lulumead,
You should do it. Life it too short. I don't have a lot of time either-I just try to do it in between everything.    I know that I also want to have my own life for when the children are grown up-on top of loving my dd with all my heart. 


sohocat


----------



## DZWSingleMumma

Ladies,

I've been out of the dating game for over a year now and wanted to check how long did others wait once their LO's were born before dating again?  

Cheers,

Dawn


----------



## lulumead

Hi Dawn


I am seriously thinking that I need to get my    into gear and get out there for some fun...my LO is 4 months.  I suppose it all depends on when you feel ready.


xx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

Dawn, 

mine are 10 mths and I'm a way off considering dating tbh...much rather spend my evenings on the sofa with a good book and getting to bed early!

so I guess it's up to you how you feel..the right time is when it feels right for you   

Suitcase
x


----------



## Damelottie

Alfie is 21/2 and I think I am probably still about 30 years away from having the energy to even think about getting ready to go out


----------



## DZWSingleMumma

*laugh* 30 years!!


----------



## Betty-Boo

Seriously thinking of eharmony now ... Although still a little unsure...


Lulu have you joined yet??


M xxx


----------



## lulumead

Not yet but on my to do list!! ;-)

My flatmate is getting married to man she met on eharmony, so worth a go.  Was talking to my single male friend last night and trying to encourage him to do Internet dating....think he might do mysinglefriend. And of course I have to write his profile!

Xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Me and my friend were going to do mysinglefriend - but didn't get round to doing the profiles!


Need to do something - as need some fun ..    


Mini xxx


----------



## Diesy

Mini, you know there should be a map of which sites are popular in each part of the country.  They could put it on google maps.  It would also be useful if the hot ones were pinned and also the time wasters.  There, I've solved a heap of problems in one far swoop!  

Your ticker is going great guns btw.  Well done!  I wish I had your focus   
 Diesy xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Honey - just trying to lose the weight I put on comfort eating ... would like to lose 2 stone - but for now - this'll do ..


I'd like google maps to show me the single blokes too not the bored married ones which keep hitting on me ..    


Mini xxx


----------



## Tommi

Mini, I know what you mean. Soooo many bored married men out there.    Are the bored married women so open about wanting affairs?! Maybe they should all just swap around! I've reached the conclusion that although the divorce rate might only be around 50% (is it even that high?) it should be closer to 80-90% given the state of many relationships. I was shopping in town the other day... so many couples bickering. What's the point?!  

Good luck finding a properly single one. I'm sure they are out there somewhere.  

T xx


----------



## Diesy

I've seen the photo's and I just want to say my   to 2 stone!  Actually the same goes for 17lbs!!!  Where are you going to find them!

Bored married men, gosh I didn't know they existed    I haven't come across any in my travels in cyber dating...just lots of date shy weirdos and dullards.  Oh well  

Good luck Mini   xx


----------



## lulumead

Hello on here!  

I went to a tango class last night, thought you never know might be some nice Latin types there!! But no...the class was great, I love it, but I got befriended by a man clearly too old for me and quite boring but it was nice to dance!!  Maybe have to hot trot to argentina and meet my tango man there ;-)

Oh or actually get myself into gear and onto internet!

Xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Ooo tango!!  Check you missy ... thinking of doing salsa again - last time I did I ended up dancing the man part .. at 5'3" I must look manly!!     


Not done the online thing yet ... but seriously considering it xxx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Woo hoo Missy E!!! Loving the update .... Brilliant news!

You're the second from the singlies to succeed on this Internet malarky ... Still not joined yet - but seriously considering as want some fun .... 

So happy for you & keep us Posted on your treatment. Fingers & toes crossed.

Woohoo xxxxxx


----------



## indekiwi

Get you Esperanza!!!!!!  Loving your update, and hoping you're having a complete ball with a fabulous person.    


A-Mx


----------



## some1

Wow Esperanza, that's great news! 

Some1

xx


----------



## lulumead

Fantastic to hear Esperanza     


Right Mini, come on now...you and me..lets get going...I checked out the men on mysinglefriend and they looked alright...
xx


----------



## Diesy

Wow Esperanza!  An inspiration you are!  Yay!  I hope your romance carries on it's sweet way.  I always worried about dating and doing tx but there, sounds like you've got it sussed


----------



## Betty-Boo

Will have a look this weekend .... Starting resettlement now for leaving the Navy ...... Aaarrrggghhhhh have no idea as to what I want to be when I grow up!!! xxx


----------



## Diesy

Mini - the world and all men in it, is your oyster!  xx


----------



## DZWSingleMumma

So I took the plunge a few weeks ago and signed up for Zoosk.  It's been interesting.  More like ******** than Match or the other dating sites.  I am not officially dating(i.e. intending to meet anyone) till Z is 12 weeks. I met a lovely guy from Kent and we email pretty much every day. All this stuff has really got me thinking though.  And that is dangerous.  

I really want 2 kids and for both of them to be full siblings.  If I meet someone that may preclude that from happening.   

I also don't know when it's appropriate for guys to meet my little one.  I think personally many months would have to pass.  Even being this young I don't feel comfortable with anyone forming an attachment to my little girl when dating.  

Thoughts ladies?


Dawn


----------



## lulumead

Hi all

I have activated myself on match affinity for a month...not too happy with the quality on offer so far though but good practice to get back into it.

Well dome Dawn for getting on with it...I am with you on the not getting to meet LO for a long time. Partly as I would be dating as something for me but mainly because I wouldn't want someone coming into their life and disappearing.  My ex didn't introduce me to his daughter and we were together ten months....I found tha hard as I would have loved to meet her but I also had a lot of respect for him for not just bringing people into her life unless he was sure, and clearly as an ex he wasn't sure!!!
Keep us updated on your emailing.
Xxx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Good on you - still done sod all ... not sure why but can't bring myself to make that leap into the ethernet .. Think its after my crappy experience last time .... 


All I can say is there's not much out there!      - or is it just my age ...    


M xxx


----------



## lulumead

Hey Mini,

On stupid iPad so can't PM....all ok?

Yes, bit thin on the ground on match...am thinking of doing mysinglefriend when I do it properly as some of the men on there are tasty...sadly though all of the 40 year olds want to go out with 30 year olds, considering losing a few years off my age ;-)

Xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Hi honey - all ok this end ...   


Thinking along the lines of mysinglefriend too - seems a lot better but have to agree - why is it the older blokes want 25 somethings ... Cheeky sods!!    


Mini xxx


----------



## DZWSingleMumma

Hey Ladies,

Chickened out and have decided to give it a miss till Z is a bit older.  It got a bit too intense and took up too much head space.  I will never get back these precious months of Mat leave.  Mr Right will wait.  ;-)

Dawn


----------



## Betty-Boo

Dawn. Totally get where you're coming from.  xx 

Well have spoken to my nuts friend - we're like peas in a pod - and she's gonna write me a profile for mysinglefriend - hey nothing to lose!

Mini xx


----------



## lulumead

Excellent Mini...look forward to hearing all about it xxx


----------



## DZWSingleMumma

Hey Ladies,

Ok... I got a problem... I sorta am chatting to a guy with the intention to meet in the future.  He is a single dad and a really nice guy.  I haven't told him I am a SMBC yet but he knows I have a daughter.  He approached me when I wasn't even looking.  It was an inactive profile on an unused site.

My problems are mostly about the future. Reality check: I may not even like him and he may not like me.  

Anyway I am planning on going for another child in Feb-April next year.  I want Z to have a full sibling.  I am afraid of his reaction. I don't think I will even mention this unless we start to get serious. (IE dating exclusively for months)

My other worry is that based on my trip home to see my parents there is a remote possibility I could move to the US in a few years (3-5 ish?) so Z can be around family and I can help care for my aging parents. I am scared of starting a relationship with someone with young kids here and have to talk to him about that. I feel it's a bit dishonest starting anything with him knowing I could move.  I didn't know this when I met him.  At this rate I will be single in the UK forever! There is always an excuse that keeps me from risking a relationship again.  *bleh*

Argh... this crap is really hard and again I may not even like him!

Dawn


----------



## Rose39

Dawn - gosh hun, you sounded a bit overwhelmed in your post, as though you're looking at every possible scenario that might happen in your life over the next 5 years and how it might impact a relationship, when you haven't even been on a first date yet!      
IMHO at this stage, just go with the flow, enjoy the attention and have fun on some dates! You have plenty of time to think about what might happen if it got more serious, but as you say, you might not like each other when you meet and you'll have done all this worrying for nothing! Nobody can foresee how their life is going to end up in 5 years' time, and if he likes you enough, then he would be very understanding about your plans to have a sibling (not that you'd say anything unless it got serious).
Hope this helps, 
Rose xx


----------



## bingbong

Dawn I totally agree with Rose, one step at a time   


bingbong x


----------



## DZWSingleMumma

TA Girls!  I have agreed to coffee.  I don't need the moving van just yet.  

Dawn


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Dawn enjoy the coffee- I think if you shared your 5 yr plan on the first date he might run a mile!!!


----------



## Elle72

Ok I am doing this as of last week!!! I have decided I need some distraction from baby plan, although it feels a bit weird to go out just for maybe the first time in my life not thinking about a possible future.
Or can I? I cannot figure how to tell a guy you like that ehmmm yes I am trying for a baby alone! Anyway hope this dating thingy will be at least fun, I am not going to try and be someone different than myself so lets' see their eventual reaction


----------



## natclare

Is this thread still active? I thought I might give you all a laugh with a synopsis of the last 2-3 weeks of internet dating:

1. Mr "I want to be a Dad". Wonderful person but sorry no attraction.
2. Mr "Short". I am 5 foot 4 and I towered over him in heels. Bless! Sweet, but no.
3. Mr "Winchester". Nice, too nice?
4. Mr "Gazillionaire". If only he were good looking, a nice person and I fancied him. But, no no no!
5. Mr "Natclare". Love of my life... Accept life without children?
6. Mr "Boatie". Tbc...


----------



## Violet66

Nat - bung number 4 my way will you? 

If he's a gazilioniare I will find him attractive - guaranteed!!!


----------



## Betty-Boo

Ha ha like your thinking Violet ..


Me?  I'll settle for Mr Best Friend ....   


Tis xx


----------



## lulumead

Hello ladies...good to see this active!!

I flirted with a guitarist in a band at work at the weekend....then found out he was 27... Yikes...is 13 years younger too young? I now have to work out how to track him down without seeming like a stalker!!

Keep us updated.
Xxx


----------



## Betty-Boo

Lulu - never!!!  My last little fling was 12 years younger - flipping lovely too!!  Actually he's now 13 years younger ... very good for my ego - I can tell you   


Not started back on internet dating yet - may do ... need a    special hug     




tis x


----------



## lulumead

I defo need some special hugs    


Have emailed the band manager to pass on a message to the band but I don't know if he will or not...oh well...c'est la vie! 


Yes, i am supposed to be activating myself on t'internet soon...might get the 40th out of the way this week and then crack on.


How you?
xx


----------



## Betty-Boo

40 is great fun!!   


Am good - can't wait for knee to heal then will be out in that big bad world again.. 


Hugs to you and Lennie 


xx


----------



## natclare

Hello!! The latest in dating disasters for your amusement:

1. Mr "I want to be a Dad". No attraction
2. Mr "Short". Giving him one last shot
3. Mr "Winchester". Says I am sexy but not interested in a family
4. Mr "Gazillionaire". No!
5. Mr "Natclare". Love of my life... Playing golf on Sunday. Still friends.
6. Mr "Boatie" Another shortie, lacked confidence
7. Mr "Naturist". Hilarious, brilliant fun, a no from him
8. Mr "Chef". Another "you are sexy, not interested in a family"
9. Mr "Portsmouth". Next Wed.

This internet dating has certainly upped the social life and I am getting out and about seeing new places as a result!
And if I get to the end of this at least I can say I TRIED darn it!
Oh yes and doing trigger shot while on a date was just hilarious (excuse me, I'll just be a minute!)


----------



## Elle72

Wow Natclare, you are really committed!!
I cannot even get to the point of going on a date with them, I get bored before that, just with emails and txt.
Although I must say you can guess the type just via email, the narcississtic one expecially!
I also got a lazy one which thought I had to go all the way where he lives to go on a date...yeah right!


----------



## Betty-Boo

Belated Happy Birthday Lulu xxx


----------



## Tommi

Gosh Natclare! What a list! I'd hate it if a stranger described me as sexy to my face   - way too creepy! There are some strange folk out there  
Good luck with it all  
Txx


----------



## yorkiegirl2012

Thought I'd join in on this one. Natclare, which site are you using? I'm on eharmony.
So far, mixed feelings.

Met one very nice guy but no spark, none at all, despite him being lovely. Also, he talked loads and I realised after two longish dates that he didn't ask me anything about my job (which unfortunately is quite a big deal to me as I spend lots of time at it) and didn't read books at all, which is another biggie for me.
Another guy who I think is probably in a relationship already - we had a fun date, he told funny stories, texted lots afterwards, but changed plans at short notice twice now. Maybe I'm too sceptical, but hey, we've got to look after ourselves.

Anyway, wishing us lots of luck. I found that I need to be in the right mood - went out for a drink after work on Friday when I was exhausted and just wished I was in my local with my friends, not making polite conversation to someone who whilst nice, did not rock my boat!


----------



## natclare

Hi - I am using Match and My Single Friend. Certainly no shortage of dates as you can see although I totally get the "making polite conversation" part! So far no luck but you know I am forever hopeful and quite like being called sexy actually!!


----------



## DZWSingleMumma

Hey Ladies,

Update from me on the dating adventures.  I have been on 4 dates with 3 guys.  Not one was the right guy for me.  I've take a wee break from it all for a bit but back on the horse again and going to try and get a few dates in before I go back to work in a few weeks.  

I had a bit of resentment come u as a guy I really like has met "the one" and is now off the website.  I have a habit of picking the guy who picks someone else :-/

Anyway keep chugging along here!

Dawn


----------



## yorkiegirl2012

Update from me, I'm seeing the nice guy again as decided that I am doing this all very early and quite possibly being too judgemental. In a way he was far too much of the opposite of my ex.
Meeting a guy who sounds potentially a good match for coffee on Saturday - decided he is either going to be great or way too much for me....he likes doing marathons in fancy dress, and has various physical challenges planned for the school holidays.


----------



## Elle72

Ok girls you seem to know more than me, so I ask for your advice!
I am italian therefore not used to go after guys, usually they do all the job of courtship. Now I live in London and should have learned better it is a little bit different here, but I cannot seem to do the right moves, LOL! 
So re dating website I only have been contacted by guys who initiate the contact, instead when I start, let's say those winks or whatever they never write to me! I do not consider myself a top model...but still not even to be ignored so much when winking!! So question is how do you approach those guys? You wink or write first? Or you just wait and see if they do their first move?

Night girls and good luck with those dates!


----------



## sohocat

Hi,
I'm feeling a bit c***p right now and I have no one else to talk to about this right now so I am posting here. I've been reading these posts here and there for a bit and I am glad this subject is here as I really want to meet someone. I love my DD to bits and she is awesome and she brings me so much joy, but I know when she is older I want to have my life too, plus it's good for her to have a mother who has her own life. I just feel so defeated right now. On top of internet dating, I go out to speed dating here and there when they have one-you pay and then go and you meet 10-12 men and talk for 3 minutes. I've liked it and gone on some dates, and it's easier than the internet because at least I got a chance to meet them first. So I paid-it was $40, and I'm really strapped right now, I paid for the babysitter to come tonight, and my LO-who is 22 months-because so crying and clingy. Of course, she has done this before may times, but this time it was different and it didn't feel right to leave, So I was all dressed up, with make-up on and in my heels ready to leave with the babysitter here and decided not to go. Am feeling really like c***P right now and disappointed. But I also feel like I made the right decision too. It's so hard when my heart is here with my baby, but I want to meet someone too. I do have 2 internet dates on Saturday-just coffee meet ups, but I had paid for this time to go out tonight, was really looking forward to it, and had put energy into it-only to not go! She was really, really upset-so... I just don't want anyone saying oh I could have gone, because I really couldn't have. She has never been like this. I feel like I'm being pulled in 2 different directions-so hard! And I am so upset I didn't go!!!!   I feel like crying right now-it seems like there are so many obstacles!


----------



## suitcase of dreams

sohocat...if it didn't feel right to leave her, then of course you did the right thing to stay at home. doesn't mean it's not upsetting and infuriating though   
there will be other nights and other dates, just hang on to that thought....and in the meantime you can be proud that you did the best thing for your DD and that she knows her mummy puts her first   
Suitcase
x


----------



## jules40:)x

Hi all,

Hope you don't mind me butting in here but I was just like to give you a thumbs up for Internet dating . I split from my DH of 18 years at the end of 2007 (my decision, the relationship was very destructive and he was abusive).  Six months later after several Bacardi and cokes with some friends, while my mum had my boys, I logged on to the Internet and came across Parship. I had lots of fun messaging and then texting various men and (4 years ago today) met someone very special. We married last August after a bumpy ride (including ex DH taking 3 years to finalise the divorce in court) and are now expecting twins which are his first children. I will admit he wasn't altogether truthful about his age and being naive it never occurred to me that people lie but I had fallen in love with him by then (and he looks good for his age!). 

All I'm really trying to say is keep the faith, sohocat hope you're feeling more positive this morning. 

Good luck all on one of many journeys  xxx


----------



## sohocat

Hi
*Suitecase of dreams*: thank you for your post! I know I did the right thing -and yes, I did put DD first. It was what I wanted to do, and there will be other times. Just frustrating sometimes! When I want to date, but I want to put my DD first (and always will). I want to be lucky and safe. Lucky in finding someone wonderful, and safe in doing it safely where my DD is first and both her and I are safe, and she does not meet whoever for a very long time, and whoever is fine with that, and whoever is a safe, wonderful, loving family man who loves us. Above all, I must do this safely!
*Jules40*:you go girl! Good for you! Yeah-you did it! You give me so much hope that I can find someone on the internet-ugh! And I too need to drink a glass of wine as I go about the internet. It's so....ugh....but I know many people who have found their husbands through this, so I must persevere. And you meeting someone wonderful helps me so much!!!! Thank you!!  I've been going through many bottles of wine. harhar.
Now , I am going to see if there is another speed dating event in my age ranges to sign up for.

sohocat


----------



## yorkiegirl2012

Elle, I'm afraid I can't help you on the etiquette of Internet dating. I guess that people may often leave their profiles on whilst they're in the early stages of dating, or be busy and not look for a while so then their approach to message may be to just ignore them. I find it all a bit strange myself and don't really know how to go about it. Also, when you're "talking" to someone online and it becomes clear that they are not worth meeting for one reason or another, I don't know whether to explain why, or just "disappear" which I think may be rude.

Update on my meeting yesterday - very disappointing. He turned up half an hour late (because he was getting cash?!) and really didn't seem interested in making conversation - he had texted me to say he was running late, but I was seriously about to call it a day when he arrived. Online it seemed like we had in common but I suppose this illustrates how it is useful to meet face-to-face quite early.


----------



## natclare

Hello everyone

So, update. Had another date today, a picnic in Brighton and I just texted to say thanks but no thanks. I shall continue to persevere of course but as those of will know who know me a bit more personally I had a really fantastic relationship with my ex, truly the love of my life and I am still not sure I made the right decision to break up with him and am still totally in love with him. Of course it is early days and whatever decision is finally made I shall trust that it is the right one.

My advice for what it is worth:
Internet dating works as Julies said! I met my ex online and it was the best thing I ever did. He looked nothing like his picture but it worked out fabulously for a long time.

Elle72: One thought that occurred to me... if you are used to being courted, why not just respond to the ones who write to you? Or are they all idiots?! Of course you need to search yourself also. I suggest emailing once or twice (no more), exchanging numbers and quelle horreur SPEAK to them! If all goes well meet them as soon as you can as you will know when you meet them if it has any future or not. If they do not reply, don't worry, move on and don't waste time feeling disappointed.

Sohocat: Oh I feel for you but rest assured you did the right thing and there will be more dates... try not to worry. The best thing is to always go with your heart. Good luck x.

All SMCs: This is something I suggested to Francesca who doesn't post here is to replace SPEAK with a skype or FaceTime date. This negates the need for babysitters entirely! So I hereby suggest this: put babies to bed, get dressed up - best dress/make up etc, glass of wine your end, glass of wine his, and have your first date online for an hour or so. There is really no difference between meeting in person or in a bar if you can see each other in my view! I think this is the way forward  First to try it gets a gold star. If all goes well on the Skype / FT date then you can start booking the babysitters!

x


----------



## upsydaisy

natclare - That's a fab idea! mind you my computer is under the stairs and the webcam makes me look like a ghoul  I completely identify with the still being in love with an ex. I'm pretty sure that's what did for all my internet dating attempts, well that and the 'I need a baby NOW' message stamped across my forehead. I'm really happy to be single at the moment, but when E heads off into the world I may dip my toe in the old codger dating scene  Sorry Mr Brighton didn't work out, I'd have been quite miffed if you found a wonderful, eligible Mr Brighton because after ten years I convinced myself that he didn't exist  
Upsyxxx


----------



## sohocat

NatClare:It's so nice you met someone nice on the internet-it really give me great hope when I hear this. As I have had several terrible dates.
1. Mr in my 50's never been married, and all he did the whole time was criticize other people's relationships. He does not know how to have his own!
2. Again, Mr in his late 40's, never been married, and all he did the whole time was complain about his sister. I felt sorry for her having a brother like him! And I could tell he didn't like me, but I sort of didn't like him. he seemed really immature. 
Ah..where are all the real men? Help me! But I will still chug away at it, and it helps so much to hear stories that things actually worked out and relationships happened. 
I think with the messaging, don't take it personally. Some of these men may be cheating on their wives, I hate to say it, and you just never know. They don't know you. I try to look at it like that. And it's true. And a friend who met her husband on Match told me to be picky. She said people will say you are too picky, but she said don't pay attention to them-that it's good to be picky-you need to be. Better to be picky than be with someone you don't like. I will keep you all posted and thanks for all the advice because this is really scary for me sometimes and it's nice to hear of other people's experiences.
Jules40:that's wonderful! You give me hope too!


----------



## suitcase of dreams

my sister met her boyfriend online. they have been together 2 years, are very happy, moved in together last September and all is going well. he's a lovely guy
I also have several friends who met their partners online
I think it's like anything - you have to keep at it until you meet the right person for you
I would agree (think it was natclare who said this) that you need to talk on phone/meet sooner rather than later. you can say and be anyone in emails/messages, it's only when you talk/meet face to face that you really know whether the 'spark' is there
Love the webcam idea too   
Personally I don't have the energy for dating right now, but when the boys are a little older I certainly wouldn't rule it out...
Good luck everyone   
Suitcase
x


----------



## sohocat

*Suitcase of dreams: *It's so nice knowing your sister found someone! I live in LA and I feel like the men out here are bad and everywhere else it's better-like in England. But...ok, I know 3 people who found their husbands on the internet in LA, so I suppose it's possible. But still, there is a part of me that is despairing-I feel like the men are so much better other places but I'm really not in a place to move right now. I too am super tired. I have on DD who is 22 months-twins would be so much harder, but I don't have any family support so I am exhausted all the time. I force myself to go out. I feel so worn out right now-it would be so much easier to stay in and not go out, but I really want to meet someone and I don't want to wait too long. I get the feeling tired though-me too! Lately, I've been dragging and my whole body feels so tired. I asked someone how I was going to do it-go on those 2 coffee dates the other day. She said to just show up-so when I think of it like that-I can do that. I can just up-that's doable. Take care!

sohocat


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## natclare

Darn it... the one I really liked has turned out to be an idiot   ... At least I think so! But we keep going!


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## ameliacooper

ooh tell me more NatClare xx


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## natclare

Yeah well I don't know... He told me he hadn't been in touch because his grandmother had died and I don't know why but I just don't think I believe him! Too much of a wide boy methinks.. Still plenty more first dates to get through and it's saving me a fortune on hot dinners!!!


----------



## suitcase of dreams

hmm, bit extreme to make up a dead grandma, but then again a woman's instinct is usually right so if you think he's lying, he probably is - men!
hang in there - and make sure you get decent dinners out of it - are there any Michelin star-ed restaurants down your way?! 
Suitcase
x


----------



## natclare

So... purely for a bit of light relief (and because I am genuinely losing track of numbers), an update:

1. Mr "Want to be a Dad". No
2. Mr "Short". 2 dates. No
3. Mr "Winchester". 1 date. No from him
4. Mr "Golfer". 2 dates. No from him and me.
5. Mr "Gazillionaire". Horiffic, no!
6. Mr "Natclare". Friends for life. Now has part-time gf.
7. Mr "Boatie" No
8. Mr "Naturist". No fom him
9. Mr "Chef". No from him. Shame could have taught me to cook!
10. Mr "Cyprus". Fab. Wide boy. Maybe but now v unlikely.
11. Mr "Southampton". 3 dates. Maybe not sure.
12. Mr "Pilot". 3 dates. Maybe. Never trust a pilot? Got to fly in a bi-plane though!
13. Mr "Kitesurfer". 3 dates. Maybe - best so far.
14. Mr "Construction CEO". Definite no
15. Mr "Older man". Definite no
16. Mr "Civ Eng". Nice but no
17. Mr "Carpe Diem". Nice but no
18. Mr "Caterham". Not yet met
19. Mr "Local". Not yet met
20. Mr "Oxford". Not yet met

Committed, me?!


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## ameliacooper

I like the sound of No 6!  

good luck hun - I remember those days well!


----------



## natclare

AC - ha ha #6 is my ex-boyfriend who I had to break up with. He now has a new part-time girlfriend which is rubbish but short of not having a family, nothing really I can do about it now


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## suitcase of dreams

natclare, must be tough knowing your ex has someone new on the scene so soon   
but you know you want a family, so hang on in there, things will come good   
makes me tired just reading the list of people you've been out with recently - hope Mr Right is in there somewhere and you find him soon
keep us posted!
Suitcase
x


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## ameliacooper

omg - I am sooo sorry to hear that hun!  I am so sorry NC 

Just to reassure you - that you are gorgeous (I know coz I've met you  and whatever happens you are going to make a fab mummy. Huge hugs x


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## bingbong

Oh dear, sorry to hear about the ex but the list made me giggle 


bingbong x


----------



## caramac

Blimey natclare, I'm with Suity in that I felt exhausted just reading your list of men! All I can say is if you can date all those men you'll have plenty of stamina for being a mummy!


----------



## winky77

Just found this thread again!  Made me laugh (with irony) that the first posts 2 years ago are full of congrats for me meeting 'ski-man' and how promising it all looked !!  Hey ho.....best laid plans and all that !  Funny to think that 2 years on I am now finally a mum and I did end up going it alone after all.  I don't regret the relationship but I do regret that I stuck it out for 9 months when I probably knew deep down after 3-4 that it wasn't going to work......my optimist streak kept me hanging on in there ! My one piece of advice is to follow your instincts....by all means give dating and relationships a go but don't waste time either. If in doubt; kick him out !  I had a whole years gap from TTC with treatments (altho did throw caution to the wind and took chances naturally) and by the time I went back to the clinic my age had caught up with me.  I remember getting the updated results on FSH/AMH etc in the post on the day we actually decided to split.....talk about rubbing salt in the wounds !!  

And know I'm totally in love in a different way & 3 week old Bingo is already the centre of my world. My ex came to see us earlier this week and as he held Bingo I realised I felt nothing....he looked awkward & out of place and altho we are still friends I didn't have any wishful moments or regrets.  I do know that I still want the full package tho....& I think I will go back to trying the Internet in the not too distant future.....

Good luck to those of you currently dipping your toe in the dating pool ! 

..Winky xx


----------



## sohocat

I had 2 dates from the internet today.One for coffee, the other for dinner. I wish I didn't have 2 in one day-I feel ungrounded with each man-it's not good. But I don't have family around to support me or friends that work out with our children where we can watch each other's kids and I feel safe with that, so I have had a standing saturday evening babysitter since my dd was around 8 months old, and this was the only time I could see them. Argh! It's sooo awkward meting people I have never, ever met before and trying to have a conversation!!! Just shoot me now.I feel so not ok! And I am so afraid of rejection-I am more afraid of that,and I forget to think-do I like him? I am trying to just show up for our meetings-that I can do. It's just so excruciating! Does anyone else feel like this? I hope so, otherwise I'm going to feel like I'm crazy. The first guy argued with my opinions so when I got home I blocked him. The second guy I met for dinner at a really expensive place which was ice-it's a place I always have wanted to go to, but he was so weird, He asked me out again and I said yes (I'm really trying hard to give these men a chance) but I keep thinking there is something really wrong with him.  He is older and never been married and a nerd. (He brought me flowers too and had never met me. I mean it was sweet, but it seems rather weird to me, but maybe he is just really nice. I don't know so I'm giving him another chance.)My dad was and is a really horrible, horrible person-abusive, sadistic,disconnected, vindictive, hurts the people he is closes too-so it's really hard for me to trust and these thoughts go through my head that men are going to be like him. So showing up for me is a huge deal-I mean just meeting them for the coffee dates, or dinner, or however we decide to meet. I am so scared! Plus, for my beautiful dd's sake, I am hoping to be both lucky and safe. I really don't want anyone to meet her for a year of dating someone and I need to take it so slow for her safety sake. But I want to meet someone. It's a conflict for me; I wish I wasn't like this. But if I wasn't, I probably would be married by now. I really want to meet someone nice and wonderful like some of the men I see married to some of the women I know. They are great fathers and husbands and safe and loving. Sorry about my rant, I am feeling  very emotional right now and I feel like crying actually. And I am so afraid you all will think I am strange because of my father being how he is. I like this forum and get some comfort from it,


sohocat


----------



## Elpida

Sohocat   it can be so hard can't it? Two things I would say is that someone bringing you flowers on a first date is a lovely thing, however if you have a gut instinct about someone and it doesn't feel right listen to that. If you still feel that then I would let him know that you had a lovely evening but would prefer not to meet again.


Two dates in one day can be tough - even if you enjoy that kind of thing being on your best behaviour   and making small talk with a stranger can be exhausting. It can be so very hard to leave behind or put aside the baggage that we all carry from our pasts but you deserve to be able to go out and meet lovely men who will treat you well. 


When I did the internet dating thing I confess I found the first date bit the most fun, as at that point there were no expectations (well, on my part) I found that I enjoyed it most when I kept those 'dates' simple; coffee or a drink in the day. There were a few that I ended up being extended into the evening becuase we were having fun, but plenty where we parted ways pleasantly and that was it. It's perfectly ok to have a nice time but not want to see them again. It's always good to go to art galleries or museums or even a gig and then you have an external focus which lifts the pressure and something to talk about other than yourselves which can feel so pressured and false.


Like many things it's practice and confidence, if you have a standing babysitter then make the most of it, but try not to put too much pressure on yourself. The fewer expectations you have the more enjoyable it can be, and it can be enjoyable. There are a few   out there, but you'll spot them.


Don't let it ruin your Sunday   


Elpida x


----------



## Betty-Boo

Sohocat - sort of see where you're coming from - my dad is pretty similar tbh.    
Totally agree with Elpida - flowers are nice honey - but remember - our intuition is an amazing thing - if it doesn't feel right - then maybe it isn't?
My friend has had a few terrible dates via Match - but has met someone who seems lovely.  They do exist - but I expect they've been 'done over' by our fairer sex and are wary of us too ... 


Take care     


Tis xx


----------



## sohocat

Elpida: Thank you. You r right; it's just hard for me to trust my instincts because most of the time I have picked crazy men like my father when I listened to my intuition; so I try it give people a chance even when I don't like them right away because I figure it takes a while to get to know someone. It's so hard though, because every fiber in my being is saying run, run. I do having a standing babysitter, so I may make the most if it is I can show up.    I know I can at least do that. 
Thetis: I'm sorry to hear you have a similar dad.    back to you. If yours is anything like mine, major hugs to you. How many dates did your friend go on with match b4 she found someone nice? And were they terrible, really terrible? Thank you for you kind words.  


sohocat


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## Betty-Boo

She had about 3 dates with different blokes and was about to give up but decided to have one more try - its not been easy as I think he's had a rough time tbh.  Going through a divorce, only young (32) but no animosity towards ex wife and no children either - which does make it easier. Still early days - but she seems to be enjoying his company   


I think its so hard as in the past I've dropped my standard and not been happy (control freaks) - therefore raised them again and can't find anyone!  Need the happy medium!  I totally blame Disney and their 'happy ever after' rollox!     


I hope you do find someone - they say it happens when you least expect it - well I've been 'least' expecting it for 10 years! Saying that am off the internet dating at the mo - moving jobs again so need to sort that out first. 


Take care Tis xxx


----------



## natclare

@sohocat... I think it is really great that you have your standing baby sitter so you can keep dating. I really would keep going at it and don't lose heart. If you are the sort of person who does really want and have space for a partner in their life then you are bound to find someone lovely eventually. Also, don't be afraid to follow your instinct if it doesn't feel right. I too got bought flowers on a first date last week and have to say I was very impressed although I am not sure about him at all.

For those interested in my dating disasters... (ditching all the "no"s from the list!)

11. Mr "Southampton". 3 dates. Eventually he texted after his holiday *head in hands* saying "I really like you but I just can't face having another family" by which time I had lost all interest anyway and was really ambivalent about the whole thing so really quite funny!
12. Mr "Pilot". Casually dating. Still not sure whether to trust him and very early days but I do like the flying.
13. Mr "Kitesurfer". Casually dating. Loving this guy so far, one cool dude.
18. Mr "Caterham". Very amusing. will see.
19. Mr "Local". After initially turning up in the wrong pub, righted himself (slightly) by giving me flowers. Not entirely sure but erring on no.
20. Mr "Oxford". Still not met.
21. Mr "Cardiff". Not met, could be a seriously difficult commute.
22. Mr "Oxo". Great date in the Tower! But no.
23. Mr "Santa". Not met.
24. Mr "Taunton". Another insurmountable (?) commute. Might not bother!

And that concludes the shipping forecast for today


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## bingbong

natclare your lists do make me laugh   . Please avoid the pilot, I would put money on him being very avoidant, nice for a bit of fun maybe but no more than that (unless you're avoidant too and then it's perfect).


bingbong x


----------



## caramac

natclare - I want to know why Mr Santa is called that. Is it the big man himself? If so you should be sorted as surely he'll love kids!


----------



## natclare

BB what do you mean "avoidant"?! 
Caramac - Mr "Santa" has a picture of himself on his profile with him dressed up as Santa - v amusing!!
Rather keen on Mr Kitesurfer at the moment but it's all such early days so don't hold your breath!


----------



## sohocat

I know some people say that it will come to you when you aren't looking for a relationship, but I personally don't agree. I think you have to put yourself out there-esp. where I live. So I am trying, it's just hard.    So many weird men! 
Natclare: your list makes me laugh too, You go girl. Look how many men you are dating. I've been on about 10-12 dates with 10-12 different men and nothing. It's depressing-or it can get that way. I am tired right now, so not feeling positive. It's late in the day here where I live. But I must persevere. This is like running a marathon. It's not supposed to be this hard!   


sohocat


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## ♥JJ1♥

Natclare my friend was an  Internet dater and she went out with a man she called Santa as well- wonder if it is the same one! X


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## lulumead

Natclare...loving those lists    


Sohocat     it is hard. Maybe have a break for a couple of weeks and then get back into it?


Interweb dating is on my list of things to do in autumn...just need to get on with it    


xx


----------



## sohocat

Thank you lulumead. I hope you end up doing it in autumn and have at it! You have my full support.   
Natclare: thank you for all of your kind words as well. It makes me feel better. I do have a Saturday babysitter, but not originally for dating. I had her for help as I don't have any family to help me, so she has come since DD was around 8 months old every Sat night. It's not cheap, but I need it. And now it's turned into the night I go out on dates as she comes anyway. It's good. Good luck to all of us doing this and hugs to all.


----------



## Minnie35

Natclare: BOO, reading a few pages back I was routing for no19 Mr Local -oh it'd be so convenient!  Now I'm behind Mr Santa. Go, Santa!


Sohocat    just wanting to send some encouragement.  I did internet dating on and off for ages (and hope to again at some point) - it's tiring and a right old effort at the best of times, and I can completely sympathise with your feeling you don't want to go through more finding things to make conversation about etc - as someone else has said on here, could you take a break and go back to it?  I could never keep it up for long, I always had to have breaks and then go back to it when I felt like trying it again.  It must be hard with the experiences you've had with your dad, and being worried about your own gut feeling.  But remember if a man just doesn't seem right, you're probably best gong with the gut! Good luck, I hope you meet someone lovely soon.


Thetis    you're spot on!  I blame Disney fairytale endings for my expectations and singleness too!


Lulu hiya how areya?  Good luck with the dating malarkey, autumn is upon us!


Hi all, Minnie x


----------



## cocochanel1

Lulu perhaps you could resurrect mr new York?! 

I can't even begin to think about dating again. No time, energy or inclination! Full of admiration for those planning/dating. Coco xxx


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## lulumead

Funny you should say that Coco, I am hoping to get to NYC before christmas but will have Titch with me    


Don't think it will go anywhere though!


Minnie: I'm pretending its still late summer    


xx


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## sohocat

Minniew35: Thank you for your kind words. I always never know if I should trust my instinct or not. In this case I cancelled my date with the guy-I thought he was weird. I talked with a friend and she said he sounded weird too.


----------



## bingbong

natclare a love avoidant is basically someone who will wine and dine you and appear to be wonderful but won't commit or give a full relationship, they need excitement outside of the relationship (pilots are almost always avoidant, as are paramedics, police officers and a+e doctors), they basically won't allow you to get close to them. It's really hard to explain here but if you really want to know more then read Pia Mellody's Facing Love Addiction   


bingbong x


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## lulumead

I think you can add poets, artists, directors, ice sculptors, tree surgeons, technicians and actors to that list too....oh that seems to be all the men I know ;-)

Hee hee...


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## bingbong

Lulu, yes most people with a job that involves adrenalin and/or danger, excitement and intensity are fairly liked to be avoidant.


bingbong x


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## lulumead

I know but thats why they are soooo exciting    


xx


----------



## silverbird

Hi all, I really can't face internet dating but fancy giving speed dating a try.  Anyone have any advise? I haven't ever had to date so all advise welcome!


----------



## sohocat

bingbong: hmmm, interesting information and food for thought about possible avoidants.
Silverbird: I'm really having a hard time with all of this internet dating thing, and I am also trying speed dating. Someone I know met her boyfriend at one of them. She said to try them in different parts of the city to get a different crowd of people. So it may work. If you do the internet, another friend of mine who met her husband on match said to not take it personally, that some of them have girlfriends or are married-you never know what is going on with people. And her take on it is how else are you going to meet anyone-at least where we live which is in LA, when you are working (or in my case staying home and taking care of a little one). She also said to be picky and that it's better to be with the right person than date just anyone.


----------



## natclare

Hey all! Well, away from dating + on my holiday in Bangladesh. Currently posting from phone sat next to young girl on bus with her 4 month daughter, practising my pigeon bengali. Just asked me WHY if you want a husband + children you don't have one/them?!


----------



## ameliacooper

If only it was that easy Nat x  Enjoy your trip x


----------



## Diesy

BB - I've done internet dating and I'm sure it's made me avoidant!    I also fit into Lulu's list...am doomed  
Sohocat - We have a saying, I'm sure it's flippin Scottish - what's for you won't go by you - every time someone says that near me I want to kick their teeth in  .

I think it has a lot to do with where you live, I can't find anyone on t'internet that match me and every time I try it, try to make a fit I end up getting trampled upon.  I need to meet someone through my work so they get me but then we are back to your list, Lulu.

But Good Luck to those who are, you need to be in it to win it!    And t'internet dating is so good for switching on the "flirting switch".  Oh!  Another top tip, be careful where you meet up the first time, it needs to have a bit of atmosphere.  In my experience evening is better but clangy coffee shops which have bad acoustics, people tripping over your bag, brollie or chair and are over lit are a no-no.

Gotta go, going to go open up a "Dating Cafe"!


----------



## sohocat

Diesy: Thanks for your post! Gosh-that saying would make me want to kick their teeth in too! It might be Scottish because I have never heard of that saying and I live in L.A. in the U.S. 
Well, I went to a hurry date and matched up with 3 men which is nice! So hopefully I will be going out with them soon. I've already lined up one date with one of the men and another date with another guy from an internet site. Happy trails.   


sohocat


----------



## Diesy

Hi Sohocat - yeah it is truly a lacklustre, not a fan of platitudes anyway, but that one gets under my skin.  As does the right man will come alone when your not looking, good thing I'm restrained, they'd be a lot of people walking around with expensive dental work.

I love the idea of your Saturday night babysitter, worth every penny I imagine!  You've got me inspired to join match...but I think I need to look further afield, pickings ain't awesome in the UK's third largest city.  Think they all got snapped up early...although I've never really gone out with anyone from here...mmm.

Gooooood luck with yours!


----------



## sohocat

Hi Deisy: I'm sorry I didn't write earlier. I'm a single mom with no help and a 2 year old. When she is awake I have no time: must focus all of my attention on her! Same here with lackluster men. Really and truly. But I do know people who have met their husbands here is L.A. It took time and effort and putting themselves out there and a lot of work so I am trying. Yes, the Saturday night babysitter is great! She also can babysit on the weekends other times if I give her notice and she isn't busy. Which is good because I think that the men shouldn't feel like the only time I have is Sat. night; otherwise they may think I have no time for them. So I will tell them I can see them on the weekends and that I need some notice to get a babysitter. You should do it if you want to! I was told not to take it personally because you never know3 what's going on in their lives and they could be cheating on their wives or girlfriends you never know as ad as that may be. And to be picky because you want to be with someone great.
Someone I know met their husband on match and after a while expanded her search to 100 miles because she wasn't finding anyone in her area. He came to meet her and she lived 2 hours away. It took her a year and she sid it was depressing but if you don't give up...Perhaps you will find someone great!


----------



## Minnie35

Hello ladies! Yes my experience of internet dating definitely involved getting very jaded very quickly, but (when I'm ready to go for it again) I'm going to try to remember to persevere.  I think it does get wearisome, and maybe the secret is to have little breaks as soon as you get fed up - after a few weeks you'll probably feel up for giving it a try again. But definitely it seems keeping at it is the way forward!

Natclare how's it going? Any updates on The List?

Minnie x


----------



## sohocat

Hi Minnie35: Yes, I agree. I must keep at it. and I think that is a good thing for others to do too IMHO. I know someone who met her husband after a year on match. And I know 3 other women who met their husbands on different internet sites. It took 2 of them about 6 months. One person who met her husband on a site said the trick is is to be on more than one site at the same time. Another thing she said is to be picky because you don't want to spend your life with someone who is a jerk. And to not take it personally because you don't know who these people are. (they could be cheating on their wife, you never know as sad as that is.) And to put yourself out there. These were her words of wisdom. Anyway, good luck to all of us who are trying.


----------



## Diesy

I hear ya Sohocat and Minnie - amen to perseverance   I always tend to get weary after about 2-6 weeks    Quite honestly they do my head in    I think I'm going to try a paid site again, probably Match.  I hate it when I get emails from the 18-26 crowd, how insulting that they think I'd be that desperate!  I went on my Match the other day, 107 have winked and 71 think I am their match, poor wee souls what are they letting themselves in for.  But, you know what I'm going to activate it, even if I did meet my last serious bf on a site and he was a .  I will be working with your friend's guidelines Sohocat.  

Bit worried about not having a job    Although I am doing stuff, just no-one pays me for it.  Any thoughts on that problem?  I'm an artist type so working for myself right now.


----------



## natclare

Hello everyone! Well as some of you will know I have been away on my holidays to weird and wonderful places so I'd taken an enforced break for three weeks  Whilst I was away, I had sort of made up my mind to give it a proper go with Mr Kitesurfer only to return (laden with gifts for his two lovely kids) to be told that in essence he'd chosen someone else! A girl he had been dating back in May and been getting on really well with had disappeared off the scene saying she wanted nothing more to do with men and therefore him after her ex husband beat her up and she had to move to a refuge... Whilst I was away she reappeared and he chose her! 

The List
1. Mr "Natclare" aka my wonderful ex boyfriend is moving in with his new, very wealthy, very nice girlfriend in December. I want to hate her but from all accounts she is simply lovely, her only failing being "fragile". In comparison I am apparently "strong" which is odd as I don't feel strong at all.
12. Mr "Pilot". Casually dating, going well. By default my sort-of boyfriend, a little like when everyone switches off their lights on "Take Me Out" and you've only got one left. Still v undecided as he remains in love with his ex.
13. Mr "Kitesurfer". Dumped me!
18. Mr "Caterham". Lost interest as I think he is dating hundreds of girls and I'm no-one special.
19. Mr "Local". Granted imminent date #2 for sheer persistance & flowers on date #1 but think it's a no.
21. Mr "Cardiff". Not met, but really wants to meet me. Distance an issue.
23. Mr "Santa". Not met, still in touch.
24. Mr "Taunton". Not met, still in touch.
25. Mr "Cambridge". Great, boozy, night out in London but think no.
26. Mr "Andover". Date #1 imminent
27. Mr "Rock God". Date #1 imminent

BUT I shall save the best news for last. 

Although I missed Bicester this was a blessing in disguise as I met a truly amazing guy this weekend, Mr "Tobago". This does kind of go to show you can actually meet real people in real life and not through the internet but you do have to have the cringeworthy conversation of "are you single? Can I please have your number?". Not since I met Mr "Natclare" five years ago have I felt the earth move when somebody smiled at me and lost all ability to talk (!), just wow. Upsides: charismatic, gorgeous, funny, his business is rum and chocolate. Downsides: he splits his time between Stockholm and Tobago where-as I live in Hampshire. So we are probably doomed. But, undeterred, I have his number and a promise of a proper date when he is back in London in two weeks.

And here endeth the shipping forecast for today


----------



## aimless1

Natclare - I just wanted to say i love your dating updates - its like dating vicariously for me!
A x


----------



## caramac

Phew...I have been missing your dating updates whilst you've been away! Sorry to hear about Mr Natclare and Mr Kitesurfer but wow about Mr Tobago! How exciting to have an "earth moving" moment...I think I've only ever had one of those.


----------



## silverbird

Hello all,

Sohocat: good luck with the dates.

Diesy: good luck with the dates and job hunt.  Make sure you don't give away too many of your skills, think about charing people!

Natclare: I'm sorry about you x and mr Kite, good luck with the new date!

AFM: I would like to warn everyone off of using ditch or date.  They have changed the date of my speed dating twice, been arsy about it, then misread my email and cancelled my spot! Really annoyed after I twice rearrnaged work, got beauty treatments and pyched myself up.  Kind of glad not to be going this week after all as have been through a load of emotional stuff and am a bit of a emotional wreak.  thinking of going with slow dating in Nov.


----------



## natclare

12. Mr "Pilot". Bingbong - don't say I told you so! - definitely avoidant! We're dialing it back to just friends as a result.
28. Mr "Brighton". Nope.
29. Mr "Tobago" - GOD, I just can't think straight I am so excited about meeting him again in November  

It does amuse me that my food bills have gone right down. I always offer to pay half but 99% of the time get refused so it's a great money saving tip!

Love to all x


----------



## natclare

Does anyone care for an update on The List?

10. Mr "Cyprus". 2 dates 4 months apart.
12. Mr "Pilot". Just friends
27. Mr "Rock God". Found out on 1st date purely by chance he was the ex of MY ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. What are the chances?! Awkward. No
29. Mr "Tobago". Lives in Sweden. Just don't think this is going to happen.
30. Mr "Golf". Quite a few dates in now. Nice guy but still not sure...
31. Mr "Shopper". 2 dates. No, I don't understand enough about designer clothing.
32. Mr "Osteopath". 2 dates. Not charismatic enough.
33. Mr "IT". Total disaster - he was so nervous he couldn't look me in the eye. No
34. Mr "Smile". 2 fantastic dates. Next one Sunday!

Hope all the other internet daters are keeping the faith! x


----------



## ameliacooper

Hi NatClare

Such a shame about Mr Tobago  

Mr Smile sounds hopeful  

Can't believe your ex has a new gf    xxxxxx

Lots of love x


----------



## sweet1

what happened to 13 - 26?


----------



## natclare

Sweet1 - the others were all "no"s! And it turned out Mr Smile had had a vasectomy... Really, I do pick em - and he was so nice too!


----------



## Bambiboo

Blimey Natclare - what dating site are you on?! Seems quite a selection.

Xx


----------



## greatgazza

i feel tired just reading about your dating natclare!!  

but i wanted to know, how do you fit it all in? are you arranging like 3 or 4 dates a week? and when you say in your list '2 dates', '3 dates', 'not met yet' etc are you doing the american thing of dating a few guys at the same time? i'm not asking cos there's anything wrong with it i just wondered if you told them all you were if that was what you were doing and how did they take it? i think it seems like a potentially much healthier way to do it, to get to know people before anyone thinks there's any sort of big commitment etc.  It just seems like a full time job as we need to kiss so many frogs to even have a slight chance of finding a prince!

Are you finding it draining? or are you still enjoying it and having a bit of fun?

GGx


----------



## Minnie35

Ugh I was getting all hopeful about Mr Smiley! Boo! Hiya Natclare, how areya? Well done on keeping at the dating and thanks for the updates, they're fab. Many people say you just have to keep at it and your partner will rock up eventually - I hope he arrives soon.


I'm starting to think about dipping my toe in the dating pool again in January... thought if I officially say that on here I might actually get on with it!


But which site? Which site?  Are we allowed to mention sites by name on here?  


Minnie xx


----------



## natclare

Hi girls!

Well, all a bit of a whirlwind my end. Update is:

30. Mr Golf. A few dates down the line realised he is nice but not the man for me.
35. Mr Smile. Father of 2, vasectomy. He bought me champagne cocktails to celebrate finishing my assignment and although it won't work out on the romance front (we concluded at the end of date 2...) he gets a huge thumbs up! Just friends.
36. Mr Cat Hater. 1 date. No, because I am getting a kitten.
37. Mr Policeman. 2 dates. No
38. Mr Iron Man. 1 date. Really bonded on the running but I think no.
39. Mr Legal. 3 dates. Not seeing anyone else at the moment, watch this space.

So, yes, it has been like a full time job since June but quite amusing and keeps me busy and fed (39 new acquaintances since June, I am so committed!).. it's like a very long interview process! Clearly there is some overlap but only once or twice have I really got serious about someone but most of the time I decide almost instantaneously if I like them or not and have become quite accomplished at the "thanks but no thanks" text or email after a first date. It blows me away when I am actually interested and then they might not be (sod's law!). I just think it will all be worth the effort in the end, as Minnie says! And if it's not to be, nobody will be able to say I didn't try my best   I have only found it draining at times and when I feel that I just take a break... My holiday in October broke it up well and I am away for Christmas otherwise I think I'd go a little mad.

I am using three sites - it's all down to personal preference really - Match, My Single Friend and one other.

 to you all xxx


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Ladies - do any  of you have experience with dating/meeting people as you were going into treatment, or before you were ready to announce you're pg?
I have had 3 dates with a lovely guy I first met online some years ago, at the time the chemistry didn't feel right but now he is my favourite. I've not discussed any of this with him, and would like to be honest before he may be getting too attached. I don't want him to feel I'm deceiving him, but it's early days (without even a kiss so far).
Any ideas?


----------



## sohocat

Hi,
BroodyChick: I had my DD 2 years ago and while I was pregnant I was on the internet and didn't tell them in the beginning of my pregnancy because I never met anyone nice and I wasn't showing at all, but after a while I was showing and decided I needed to tell them right away before I met them so they would know. So on the phone calls if it got there-I would tell them to see if they still wanted to meet up. I was so sure no one would want to meet me. But I was shocked to find out that no one judged me and some men even wanted to meet me! I met someone who was really not judging at all and he kept wanting to see me-I was blown away. It didn't work out but, well he was black and there are a lot of single black families in the US where I live, and I will forever have warm feelings for him and how utterly nice he was from the very beginning. I was truly shocked!
I am on more than one site right now and I think you should be to keep your odds up. I am on Match, E harmony, and another one. And change your interests and your profile a bit on each site. For example on one site you could put one interest or two, and on another site put completely different ones (being honest of course) because you want to cover all bases of reaching out to people. I put on one that I am artistic and like creative things. On another I put that I like working out and keeping in shape-all of which are true. I did meet someone from eharmopny who was super nice and didn't mind that I had a child. He would drive one hour each way to see me all the time, never complained about it, said he didn't mind, brought me flowers and paid for everything and took me to nice restaurants. But after a while I didn't like him. But it's great to know that there ARE nice men out there!!!


sohocat


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Sohocat - what an encouraging post!
I actually think along very similar lines, I have met some very nice guys those past year and a half ago since my last relationship broke up, had some lovely dates and enjoyed getting to know new people, but the right spark just wasn't there yet. 
I guess I am just daunted about broaching the subject as it was the reason behind so many relationship breakups - me being broody and the guy not - but I suppose when they are faced with a confirmed pregnancy, things will look very different.

I'm glad you're a mum and happily still dating, hope you find love soon too! x


----------



## Diesy

Hi, 

BroodyChick I'm thinking about giving it a go at the moment with the idea that I'd like to meet and get to know someone over a longer period of time so it doesn't matter what my situ is.  

I've done a fair amount of interent dating and got quite disillusioned with it in the past.  It wore me down, too many players like kids in a candy store.  I'd like to meet someone who lives further away too, pickings ain't rich where I am  

Nice story Sohocat, you are always so positive about internet dating which makes me forget about all the sleazy types that got in touch with me when I was last on.  Wrong site, going for Match next time.

Anyways good luck and have fun girls...there was so many hot men on the train last night...or was it my hormones   x


----------



## natclare

Hi BroodyChick: I would say that it is better to be honest and as upfront as you can be, but it might not be an appropriate topic for date number 1. Personally I have done injections during dates in the pub (in the loo!) but I was only going through treatment to freeze eggs so possibly not as big a deal as it would be on a "true" cycle. I have always been pretty up front about everything, in fact on my 3rd date with my new best friend "Mr Smile" we talked about the whole thing and it was great. He is very encouraging and supportive as a result (although not keen enough to reverse his vasectomy for me    !!). I just think that it you are not honest (and this could be about just about anything, not necessarily treatment) then that is unfair as they don't get to know the whole you. It's a tricky topic and I really do wish you lots of luck.


----------



## BroodyChick

Yes I think I'll broach the subject on my next date w Mr Journo, so he stops trying to convince me to drink alcohol  on another note, I really don't feel like dating at all, been tearful all afternoon probably thanks to my down-regging hormones...


----------



## Rose39

Ladies, please could I ask for some advice? A very good friend of mine (female and in her forties) is wanting to embark on internet dating (lives in in the North of England) - which would be the best dating sites to recommend? She was thinking about mysinglefriend, but I'm wondering whether that gets a decent number of men joining, given that it isn't TV advertised and I haven't seen it promoted recently? I was thinking that Match or eHarmony might be better for someone living outside London? I've used both Match and eHarmony before and found that Match was better in terms of numbers of potential dates, even though it was less tailored. She is a lovely friend and supported me throughout my tx and I'd love to see her meet someone nice!

Many thanks in advance!

Rose xx


----------



## Minnie35

Done it! Got myself signed up to Guardian Soulmates.  Looking forward to beginning to see who's out there   


Broodychick I agree with the other ladies - be honest (at least if you get to a point where you think there could be something good with any particular person. I completely agree with Natclare - if they don't know, they're not getting to know the whole you - it'd feel to you like a huge part of you which he doesn't know, and also it would be unfair on him.  While I was ttc there were two periods of time when I was seeing someone.  both times I was honest about what I was doing. Both times they were fine with it; in fact both of them reacted by asking whether, if things went well with us, I'd be open to the second child being with them!


Rose hiya!  I've tried a few dating sites in my time.  I didn't find mysinglefriend great either in London or outside (I've lived in London and Yorkshire) - not many people. But it was four or five years ago. Match was good in both places - lots of people.  Eharmony I was very disappointed with - it doesn't let you search, you have to rely on matches they send you, allegedly based on the extensive personality questionnaire they make you fill in. In practice I doubted very much that they'd done anything but randomly send profiles to me - I got fed up with people who wrote one line in their profile and who said the most important thing to them was their ipad!  Guardian soulmates was better outisde London than in, although I'm giving it a try here in London this time coz I had to choose one!  Hope that's useful!


Wish me luck        


Minnie x


----------



## Rose39

Good luck Minnie35 - how exciting!

Thank you so much for the feedback - my own experience with eHarmony wasn't that great and not being able to search for people with similar profiles to yourself was a big disadvantage vs Match. I had some nice dates on Match and ended going out with someone for about 3 months - the guys were nice guys and there was one who was a sweetheart, but more like a big brother if you see what I mean, but he would have made a lovely husband for someone!

I think I'll recommend Match to her as hopefully she'll have a wider choice of date!

Thanks again and looking forward to hearing about some fab dates from you in the coming months!

Rose xx


----------



## Diesy

Rose I'd say Match as well.  It gets a decent amount of traffic and it's the most important thing.  I like the sound of My Single Friend but don't think there is a lot going on.  I've been on a couple of free sites but would not recommend!  

Good luck with Guardian Soulmates Minnie!  I looked on there before but it's not so popular in the distant north.  I went to the second page and unearthed an ex!  Not sure I'd recommend him either!!!  

Good luck daters, I'm going to try Match...I could be some time...


----------



## Rose39

Many thanks for the feedback Diesy - good luck with the dating!

Rose xx


----------



## GIAToo

Hi girls

I am watching Goks Style Secrets and thinking "I'm sure I could flirt better than that!"    Thought I'd check out what was happening on this thread.  My cousin met his wife a year ago and they are in hospital at this very moment as she gives birth!! 
Really not sure I can be bothered to date, but why don't we have a "bring your single male friend" picnic??!    I'd happily host (when I move)! 

GIA Tooxx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

love the idea GIAToo - but this assumes we have single male friends - or at least any we'd want our fabulous solo mum friends to end up with


----------



## GIAToo

Ha! Yes I was thinking exactly that point as I lay in bed last night!   

I think I was just feeling a bit lonely over Christmas as the only guy I have found vaguely interesting over the past 5 years announced his engagement on Christmas Eve.  Had no chance with him really, but did make me wonder if I will ever get married and my next thought was "not if you never go out!"   
xx


----------



## greatgazza

haha! yes that's the annoying thing, you've got to flipping well go out! and i have no inclination or energy to do that right now. the thought of dating makes me feel tired....

GGx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

I've just in the last 2-3 months started to feel like I've got enough energy to go out (and my 2 are nearly 2 and I have my mum to help out) but I have no inclination to date - much rather spend my time out doing fun things with my friends who I've neglected for the past 2 yrs...cinema, dinner, theatre etc   
good luck to those currently checking out the dating scene though    
Suitcase
x


----------



## GIAToo

At work today we swapped horror stories about men and I am starting to go off the idea again anyway!!


----------



## natclare

Rightho... back in the saddle after Christmas!

The List
37. Mr Policeman. 3 dates and no kisses. Should tell me something but a really nice, simple guy.
39. Mr Legal. Dated him for a month exclusively. Ended spectacularly badly 2 weeks ago.
40. Mr Chocolate. 1 date = three coffees! Positive. Watch this space.
41. Mr Music. 1 date tonight at a fab restaurant. I am going to enjoy the food if nothing else!
42. Mr Security. This Thursday. Promising.
43. Mr Table Tennis. This Friday. 

Funny how some of them have become really good friends, especially Mr Pilot and Mr Smile! Ok, there have been some absolute shockers but it's still fun.

My very best wishes to one and all


----------



## Diesy

Hello...I actually wrote a much longer post (with personals!) a week or so ago, now where did I put it?  Anyways I was reading in Women & Home, I know weird right, and there was an article on dating sites.  eHarmony came off the worse but POF came off the best    I've heard it described like TK Maxx, you have to search through a lot of rubbish to get something good.  But I like TK Maxx and I'm not that keen on POF!  Well it's free.  It has some nice men on there when you do an advanced search, however it's only losers that seem to get in touch with me!  I went on a second date with someone a couple of weeks ago and one of his interested questions was - do you like candles?  OMG I nearly started pulling my hair out there and then!  

My top tip is location location location, ie pick a site that's good for where you are.  I'd like to go on Match but can't do it right now.  Also overheard two pretty girls on the tube the other day, yes I was eavesdropping and one was trying to talk the other into online dating, but not POF lol.  Oh, I've just had an email from someone who wants to date but nothing serious.  I don't even know what that means, it says no hanky panky to me. 

Anyhoo, just thought I'd drop by and let you all know what riches are out there.  It's enough to drive you to stay home with your knitting!

Good luck daters!  xx


----------



## Tommi

I love knitting!


----------



## Diesy

So much more fun than dating!


----------



## Diesy

Shall we have a Single Girls and Knitting thread, Tommi?


----------



## Tommi

Definitely!


----------



## indekiwi

Tommi, Diesy, joining the knitting thread - keeps me interested for much longer than the occasional bloke I happen across.   


A-Mx


----------



## Diesy

Men have really blown it by not evolving as much as knitting in the last 20 years. Discuss. 

Move along, nothing to see here, this way - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=243329.0


----------



## Tommi

Well found Diesy! Still think we need a singles knitting thread though  
Txx


----------



## BroodyChick

Can you knit me a man?


----------



## Diesy

Yes, great idea...but he might unravel or fray when under pressure


----------



## Tommi




----------



## BroodyChick

Hahaha!
I think I unravel a lot more than my co-parent! He actually irritates me more by staying calm and collected when I am stressing


----------



## natclare

Now, I'd really like it if one of you COULD knit me a man!!  

My List Update for anyone who is interested...

36. Mr Tobago - Met in Oct, lives Sweden, doomed due to geography but who cares... seeing him Sunday!
37. Mr Policeman. 3 dates. No, sadly not for me.
40. Mr Chocolate. 1 date. Currently on hold, he's ill.
41. Mr Music. 2 dates. 2 fab restaurants. No
42. Mr Security. 2 dates. My favourite BY FAR. Watch this space.
43. Mr Table Tennis. 2 dates. Unsure, doubtful.
44. Mr Antique Dealer. 1 date. Turned out to be an antique himself. No.
45. Mr Tall. 1 date. He's on the rebound. No.
46. Mr Egg. 1 date. Amusing company. No.


----------



## Tommi

Natclare - I really admire your tenacity!
Txx


----------



## Diesy

Oh well, giving up on the dating methinks.  All these demanding men out there wanting your phone number from the get go, wanting to do chat, ie go online with their shirt off or worse, demanding more pictures without so much as a hi how are you.  They don't actually seem interested in meeting a nice woman, more interested in your statistics - age, height, weight.  The kind of men who would be lucky to get five mins with a nice gal if they met in a bar or at work.  Chivalry is dead instead replaced with - got any more pics I want to make sure you're not more than a size 10, by Mr Bald and Boring.  Whatever you do don't try to date over 40, unless your a fat bald man who knocks 5 years off his age to try to pull (well done to my ex).  

Off to start a knitting page.  I mean, honestly, internet dating, way to lower your self esteem.  I hope everyone else is having more fun


----------



## caramac

Lol Diesy - you paint such a picture I'm holding myself back from signing up with Match this very minute!


----------



## Diesy

Do it Caramac!!!  Someone who wants to take me out was having a Budweiser when we were messaging yesterday.  AT 11.20 AM!  What d'ya reckon, is he my prince?


----------



## greatgazza

oooh Diesy, he sounds like a keeper! at least he was honest about it?  

GGx


----------



## Diesy

I'll arm wrestle you for him GG   x


----------



## Tommi

Hey! Don't I get a look in?!


----------



## greatgazza

Awww, bless, don't feel left out Tommi.  Sure we can find a couple of junkies and share the love

GGx


----------



## Tommi

I knew I could count on you!


----------



## Diesy

Tommi I can find you another just as special!  How about the guy who asked me if I liked candles, he was tall.


----------



## Tommi

Super! Although I'm not sure if I can cope with questions as challenging as that    But I'd give it a go. If he's tall he won't insist I wear flat shoes will he?!


----------



## caramac

Diesy are you deliberately trying to start a fight amongst the single women by flaunting these gems in front of us?!!!


----------



## Diesy

Tommi take candles just in case, or better still your first date could be a candle making adventure, I'm sure he'd still ask you scintillating questions!  (Don't wear heels, just in case you're temped to view them as a weapon at some point.)  My dad can marry you both if you like.  
Caramac - yes!  I'm starting to wonder about all the men I rejected in my 30s because look at what I'm attracting now!!!  

So does anyone think I should go out with Budweiser boy?


----------



## greatgazza

well, i'd say yes Diesy, but then i like a drink and you don't really! so not sure if it's a true meeting of minds from the off....

but hey, what's with the anti candle brigade? i LOVE candles actually.

GGx


----------



## Diesy

Me too, but not as a getting to know you question.  Everything I said was followed with, "Oh do you like...?"  

Me: Beautiful night, I could walk miles in this. 
Him: Do you like walking?  
Me: It's really bright in here.
Him: Do you like candles?
Me: Agghhh!

Do you want his number GG?

I'm not sure about the   by 11am bit, we'll see, he doesn't live far from me...
x


----------



## greatgazza

could it have been a 'hair of the dog' morning? not that that's necessarily a good thing, but maybe if he had a big night out the night before?? doesn't sound great tbh but if he can manage a slur free dinner might be worth a bite to eat?

nah, don't worry about candle man. if he liked candles AND cushions it would be a different story.

GGx


----------



## Tommi

Been there with a candles and cushions kind of guy... didn't find out til rather late... I think he was in the process of finding out too  

Drinks before 11am? Those swimmers will be sluggish if they exist at all! (Not that I only think of sperm!    )

Txx


----------



## Diesy

Maybe he was confused about the time because he works shifts...  Or maybe he just   all the time...  But yeah, I obviously need to go out and see what other gems there are out there - can't wait - ace!  See what I do for you girls   I should have stuck with the candles guy, tall makes up for a lot and at least he liked me.

Eeuck Tommi, I hadn't even considered his ****** up swimmers, I think I'd need to be pretty hammered myself for that...or at the right day of the month when everyone becomes attractive...

Disey xx


----------



## caramac

Hey Diesy don't complain - at least that shows that candle guy was listening and paying attention to what you were saying! You should have started talking about jewellery or expensive cars and when he asked if you liked them you could have said "oooh yes please thanks for offering"!!!


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Girls
I had a lovely date tonight, he has 4 kids and asked me lots about my pregnancy and tx (not in a creepy way, just really interested) and we had a nice dinner and great time chatting.
He already asked me out on another date, the evening of my next scan, if nit before (although if it's bad news I will blow him out despite promising to let him spoil me), so keep up hope the nice guys are out there


----------



## Diesy

Darn Caramac, didn't even think of that!  At the very least he might have given me candles and then I could have passed them over to GG   Interestingly my sister doesn't like candles, I think she got some as a wedding present  

Hang onto him Broody, no-one wants you after 40.  Heaps of men click on my profile, probably thinking I am under 40 and then I don't hear a peep.  Did notice this after I turned 40.


----------



## BroodyChick

Diesy - aren't all the young spuds after hot cougars these days?
Trust me, when I am 40+ and single, no 26 year old will be safe 
Also the trick is not to use websites that show pix, build it up on fun banter to start with!

Mr 4Kids keeps texting all the time, seems he's smitten! So how do I get him to shave his head, as he's balding but I don't dig the strands clinging onto his scalp for dear life!?


----------



## Tommi

Oh BC, what a picture!  

Trust me, when you're over 40 you'll be bombarded with men in dismal relationships wanting affairs! It's a distinct feature of 40s life for women who are solo by choice!

Txx


----------



## Minnie35

Hee hee heeeeeee! Hello all! The last two pages of you lot have just cheered me up lots!


Ugh I'm SOOOOO disappointed with how this internet dating thing's going!  I'm joined up to the GUradian Soulmates one and Plenty of Fish... I've been with the Guardian one before and had lots of interest with a very similar profile (but no littleun)... but seriously I've been so proactive and had barely anyone interested!


It's not the photo because the one thing I am receiving notifications of is that lots of people on PoF "want to meet me" when they just look at the photo. Deep or what. But it's something.


I never imagined that I'd actually not be able to find anyone to go on a date with - it's so different now with a child (and I've not disclosed owt about Mel except that I have a littleun). I resolved to end two actual emails a day regardless of how p'd off I was with it.


Still nothing!


Am I on the wrong sites or is it just ridiculously different with a child?  


Grrrr.
Minnie x


ps Tommi your report of a good date has made me more hopeful xxxxxxx


----------



## Diesy

Hi Minnie!

Oh grrrr re your dating!  What's going on!!!  I'm on POF too, millions of people check out my profile, so it's not the picture and then no-one emails me...or less than 10%.  What is going on!!!  Then maybe I'll email or send a flirt to someone who has clicked "meet me" and then I don't get a reply!  They do look at my profile of course.    

It's not you!!!  I know this for sure.  Just need to persevere doll.  Do you get lots of young boys emailing?  Sorry Broody, young boys aren't my thing.  But Minnie, seriously stick with it.  I think POF has the most members because it's free, so if you are willing to browse through and deflect with a flippin big protective force field you'll get there.  I actually think you have more chance with having a child because I feel like I have the plague! 

Broody, how's your guy?  Have you introduced him to any Jason Statham movies of late while drooling heavily over aforementioned flowing locks?  

Me...a couple of nice emails over the weekend, "you're stunning btw", think I might have to put up a more realistic pic    I mean it was totally recent but I took it in the bathroom where the light is soft and you get a lot of fill light from the white sink.  There's a top tip for you!  More photo's are taken in the bathroom fr dating sites than anywhere else.    I had one guy complaining about my one picture when I just joined.  He couldn't see it properly on his phone, I suggested to get an iphone, he went on and on and on about how I should take my pic outside, I mean it was a really clear honest shot.  He also sent me his number and said text me!  Then went in a huff when I replied via email.  Toys, pram, much?

...maybe I should try a young buck as you've said Broody...though I have little enough in common with guys my own age.  What on earth have they been doing with their lives, square root of not much!  

Oh joy xx


----------



## Diesy

PS  Tommi, no-ones asked me to have an affair


----------



## Tommi

Take that as a good thing Diesy! I hate it when it happens. Makes me wonder why they think it's a possibility!
Txx

PS Minnie - I think you have muddled me with BC! Good luck with the dating


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Isn't POF aimed at people who was sex no strings- that's what my friend was told when someone wanted a date at 'airport hotel' for a date! She used to get lots of offers as she worked evenings from 6 pm - 0200 and it was v appealing to men with wives who wanted lunch and afternoon affairs! Needless to say she never found her prince x


----------



## Minnie35

Oh flip sorry Tommi and BC re the confusion.  It's not my day for being with-it.  Finally found the birthday card I'd bought, all organised like in advance and everything, in the FREEZER this morning. Not even the fridge.


Eek JJ1 maybe it is. Not finding my prince on either site at the momnt tho.


Hiya Diesy!  Yes GRRRR!  And you stick with it too! You are stunning, he was right.  GRRRRRRRR.


Minnie x


----------



## BroodyChick

Well i'm seeing baldie4kids again tomorrow, sameBoroughWantsKids on Thursday, policeman next Monday (well technically not a date, he's a friend) and the Journalist (last seen in 2012) another day next week. Also going to a singles event in Kensington w a friend on Wednesday - phew!
Taking advantage of the fact I fit in my normal clothes again after losing the 1st OHSS weight and the freedom before birth 
Will keep u posted - oh and I avoid POF like the plague bc of low-quality guys.
Happy dating!


----------



## tatty84

hi, im new to this and have so many different questions but it finding the right area from the right questions.

Did anyone start looking into treatment as a single and find a partner while still in the process?

This is the situation I find myself in- I started the process in September after the ending of a relationship and looked into egg sharing as a single parent. I then met someone over xmas, I was honest and up front from the start and he appeared supportive. He has a child from a previous relationship and has had a vasectomy so he thinks I should continue with my plans of using a donor although he has stated he would raise the child as his own.

Any thoughts, advice or comments would be gratefully received

x


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Tatty 
that sounds really promising!

I also found guys who were dads already very supportive of my plans and process whenever it came up, as they understand what it means to be a parent and what they would be missing out on if they didn't have their kids.

I'm very excited for you. Of course, it's early days and time will tell, but you will have a much easier ride than some of us who have to do without kisses, cuddles and someone to look after you when you need it.
Many men find pregnant women very attractive, so please don't worry yourself too much and enjoy this relationship as it develops!

I've had a lot of support from my co-parent, a close male friend and people I mentioned it to during dates (one or two), so keep on your chosen path to fulfil your dream of becoming a mum. Or do you have any specific concerns?
x


----------



## tatty84

Thanks Broody Chick.

I dont think I have any specific concerns apart from the usual in a new relationship. Its just a case of trying to manage all these different emotions, he is vey supportive but I think the main thing at the moment is what to do if the news is bad on monday and it doesnt help that I am so impatient.

I hope your dating journey is going well or at least is interesting x


----------



## BroodyChick

I'm an egg sharer too and i don't think there are many that are turned down. Just think what an amazing thing you are doing for yourself and another family!
Where are you getting your sperm from?x


----------



## tatty84

I have been looking on the London sperm bank site, but have no idea how to decide. Wher do you egg share?
x


----------



## silverbird

Hi Tatty,

I'm actually in a very similar situation to you though I have taken quiet a different approch.  I met a bloke (also with a vasectomy) in October and decided to cancel my next treatment.  For myself I wanted to take a time out a see how the realtionship grew without the presure of fertility treatments.

I guess I can't give any advise I made my choice to do it that way round becuse it worked for me but everyone will have different priorities.

good luck!


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Ladies
my date cancelled on me tonight because of work 
Nothing to be done, but I'd been looking forward to it SO much, as a silver lining to all that has happened lately.
I'm not too bad after my ERPC but don't feel like just sitting at home by myself.

The guy in his late 40s with the 4 kids was on some kind of fast track to a sexual r'ship so I am not seeing him again, and the other one (keen, no kids, 36) admitted during our date that he 'wasn't faithful' during his marriage and then ranted on about his political views, so there wasn't a good match there either.

The one I meant to see tonight really got my heart fluttering, and now I won't see him til after Easter. Must stay strong


----------



## natclare

Hello all! Well for a bit of light relief (and because here is the only place I keep track..) here is The List

36. Mr Tobago - Gorgeous, lives Sweden, doomed due to geography but I am sure we'll stay in touch
40. Mr Chocolate. 1 date. No
42. Mr Security. Many dates but he hardly ever calls. So moving on.
43. Mr Table Tennis. 3 dates. Still unsure, looks unlikely.
47. Mr Equestrian. 2 dates. No
48. Mr Crisp. 1 date. Definite no
49. Mr Firefighter. Brought up his 2 daughters alone so more more kids! Just good friends.
50. Mr Deep Sea Diver. 2 dates. Maybe
51. Mr DIY. 1 date. Didn't blow me away.
52. Mr Obstetrician. YES REALLY!! 2 dates. Have not disclosed what I'm doing. He's lovely.
53. Mr Wandsworth. Thursday
54. Mr Sussex. Friday.

Happy Easter to all


----------



## flutter6y

Hello everyone

been a bit of a lurker on this thread since i made the decision last August to have treatment alone. I then had a month long relationship with a guy during September and soon realised that messed with my head a little in terms of the plan for treatment, because even though he had a vasectomy, a child already and said he didn't want any more children of his own, and was supportive of my plan for treatment, I found myself wishing we could perhaps have a child together and asking self why he didn't want to consider that for the future. Anyhoo so I ended that one and then decided I should keep away from men, and have successfully managed to do that since then. A whole new experince for me, having been a serial monogany kind of gal all my adult life, rather unhealthily never allowing myself to remain single for more than a few weeks. 

Sooooo I had my bfp early February (am I allowed to say that here? there's no thread about dating on the single and pregnant section so I do hope i'm allowed here - sorry if not) and for the first few weeks I still very much had the motto "keep away from men" but more recently, as the exciting stage I'm at has been starting to sink in and as I have been getting more secure and less anxious that this may really work out well (11+1 now), I've been returning to think about men again.  I felt I probably shouldn't be actively seek out a man, and so still keeping away from internet dating sites etc,  but I kind of started thinking that if a man came my way, seemed interested and my pregnancy didn't phase them, then there may be no harm in seeing how things could develop, whilst being careful and taking things slow and expecting that I will probably be wanting to be man-free in the last few weeks of preg and first couple of months of motherhood, so any man may need to step aside for a time.

So in the meantime, my mother and neighbour of hers, the mother of a single man, have been getting together and playing cupid and my mum spoke to me about this guy, a good few weeks ago, when I was thinking no bad idea. Despite me saying this she went and passed on my contact details and the information of my pregnant state to this guy! yes, i know I was furious with my mother. Not hugely surprised because that is typical of her, no respect for boundaries whatsoever and whilst well meaning she is very misguided most of the time.

so anyhoo, the guy and I have exchanged a few emails now and I am meeting him tomorrow! We seem to have a fair bit in common, and whilst there's lots about him I don't know I am curious to know more and meet him. We are calling it a friendly meet up rather than a date, however i can't help myself from hoping. and am full of the usual hopes and expectations whilst trying to think look just take it as it comes. 

so that's a bit about what i'm up to. Any advice gratefully received. Its a really weird time. Should I really be persuing anything? I do worry a bit about my tendency to fall for people to easily and not be discerning enough and so am wary of my keeness for this to be good. I am also though aware that now its not just me but my baby too, that any man to be allowed into my life will have to be bloody brilliant. and obviously prepared to fit around me and my rapidly changing life. 

He's a primary school teacher btw. That wins points for me! I've not even seen a picture of this guy. As he was a neighbour through my childhood, I have a vague hazy picture of him in my mind which is probably over 20 years out of date!

Aah it's late, I should be getting my beauty sleep before this big meet up tomorrow lunchtime. I will be too nervous to speak  probably, as I'm always like that with "first date" sort of thing. and I still haven't decided what to wear. Aargh. thanks for reading. any support/advice welcome. reading some of your varied experiences has been helpful and entertaining and I will of course let you know how this goes!


----------



## aimless1

Congratulations on your bop Flutter6y! That is great news!
Enjoy the meet up today and try not to stress and project forwards too much. I dated a lovely guy when I was pregnant - he was really supportive of my situation and very attentive.  It didn't work out romantically but I ended up with a good friend. Have fun! A x


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Flutter6y

wow, how very exciting -how did it go?
I hope you had a lovely time and enjoyed the attention! It's not good to 'plan' too much too early on as you could just get disappointed, but it's great you're keeping those 'dating muscles' exercised and meeting new people (well, new-ish).
I'd be furious at my mum too, she often helpfully sends me newspaper clippings from the dating section of the paper etc, but she hasn't actively approached any men and told them about my tx and so on.
In any case, I am sure your mum wants the best for you and I hope you can forgive her for giving this guy tmi 

Now tell us how it went - was he as cute as 20 years ago?

AFM, I need to make a decision about what to do next, but it's unlikely I will find myself in a r'ship that will lead to pregnancy this year. First of all, I only got pregnant naturally once, so clearly there is an issue, and secondly it's a lot to expect of a guy I don't even know.
On the other hand, my embies are safely frozen and I could use them whenever, I definitely need to have a discussion with my co-parent about next steps. In the end of the day, I come as a 'package' that includes my desire for a child, so any guy who loves me will have to accept that part of me.


----------



## flutter6y

Hi

thank you for your replies aimless and broodychick. Well I just got home and I am smiling. I definitely had a pleasant time. He was quite cute, not like a massive instant attraction but not bad looking at all.  And I was so nervous at first but he seemed relaxed and conversation flowed and I soon felt comfortable. He was interesting and funny, he talked quite a lot but I was glad of this and I think he probably didn't want to put me on the spot as I know I will have appeared nervous too - I was visibly shaking! I got some words in there too though and he seemed interested to know more about me. He was gentlemanly, clearly intelligent and humurous. We had brief conversation about the treatment/ pregnancy - he asked the usual questions about what i know about my donor. He said its brave what I'm doing and said it must be hard for women with their time limit on motherhood, so seemed understanding.  

Hmmm I liked him and hope to see him again. He said at the end if I want to meet again let him know, so I guess that might mean he wants to meet again too? I got it straight in there that I would like to. And I am now pondering whether I should text later or wait and see if he gets in touch. Hmmm yes, flexing these dating muscles does feel good again. Trying not to get carried away, I need to see what happens. But hey, it was a nice way to spend lunch on this sunny bank holiday. 

Broodychick - I was so sorry to read about your recent loss, it must be so hard.   I hope you are bearing up okay x And also what a shame about your cancelled date but exciting that you have met a man who makes you heart flutter. I hope you can see him soon and see how things could progress. I look forward to your updates.

Aimless, ah that's good to hear that you got a good friend out of the dating during pregnancy. Congratulations on your recent arrival. I will certainly be having some fun along this journey, whatever happens with this guy, we shall see...


----------



## flutter6y

well I did text Mr teacher guy later the same day after out initial "meet up" and we've exchanged a few over the week. He's had the flu, bless him. But he's better now and we are going on Date No1 tomorrow! 

Excited nervous again. Can't wait though. If it feels right I might even try a little flirting! tee heee.

How are you all getting on?


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Fluttery - wishing you loads of fun at your date!

I was out with friends last night and kept getting hit on by YOUNG guys - the first one who couldn't take NO for an answer was 11 years younger: born in 1988! He really couldn't understand why I was reluctant to jump his bones, or even dance with him. Lol!

My friend pulled a chap 21 years younger. Go her! AFM, I wouldn't waste my time, but she has a child already 

On Friday night I got a text from an old flame, he'd really disappointed me last year (we spent a night together and he even met my mum, but things fizzled out from there, he didn't seem to know what being in a r'ship involves) and I am not sure about giving him another chance.
I replied to his texts, they were really flattering, but today I haven't heard from him about meeting up and I believe he is just chickening out again. So much for answering drunken texts from time waster guys!

In more positive news, some internet dating action seems on the cards with 2 lovely chaps I've been exchanging emails with. Watch this space! x


----------



## BroodyChick

Things not to say on a first date...
I met a wonderful guy for lunch on Thursday, great conversation until he brought up his SIL's recent mmc and ERPC.
Talk about awkward silences.

I told him that had happened to me too (no, I didn't say 'last month') and changed the subject. Poor guy didn't know where to look, but it's definitely not something people should just casually throw into a first date conversation!

(SIL has 2 other kids which sort of puts his view into perspective considering I've lost two and not one child alive)


----------



## Diesy

Howz all the dating going peeps?  Anyone seeing anyone nice?  I'm off on one tonight, he's tall which makes up for a lot of things in my book, but has a lovely personality from what I can work out.  Eeek, nothing to wear of course...oh and my hair has gone a bit weird and I don't want to wash it again so soon, it will be more weird.


----------



## notamuggle

Good luck on your date

I can't get on with Internet dating although had a look on Zoosk last night and I got lots of replies from men a lot older than me, not many my age!


----------



## Diesy

Natasza I hardly get ANY messages because I'm over 40!  Lots of people click on me then I don't get a lot of messages - typical, then it's all the much older men I get emailing me!  This is my second date this year and they are both my age - woohoo!


----------



## aimless1

Thought I would share a good news story about single parenting and dating (and no it doesn't relate to me - the only date I would like is with 8 hours sleep).
My friend who I was birthing partner for last  June has met a nice man on Internet dating - he is normal, tall, own teeth, employed etc etc. seems to be going really well. She went with her baby and him and his kids on a camping break over the bank holiday.
Anyway - just goes to show it can happen....  Hats off to my friend though for having the energy to try dating with a under 1 year old!!
A x


----------



## aimless1

Ps. Diesy - hope your date tonight is similarly successful - you never know.....


----------



## Tommi

Aimless that sounds great!

Good luck Diesy!

Txx


----------



## natclare

Good luck everyone - love reading your dating stories! 

I am closing in on on year of internet dating with various degrees of success. 
The latest on "The List" is:

43. Mr Table Tennis. 3 dates. Think no
50. Mr Deep Sea Diver. 5 dates. Liked him a lot, but not family material. No.
52. Mr Obstetrician. 3 dates. Wanted to go out with another girl not me!
53. Mr Wandsworth. 1 date. Too young. No
54. Mr Sussex aka Mr Comic Relief. 4 dates. No from him
55. Mr Sailor. 2 dates. Too old. No
56. Mr Air Steward. Not gay! No
57. Mr Old Friend. A few dates but he lives in Germany and I don't  
58. Mr Jez. Cancelled with an hour to spare. Now that's just rude!
59. Mr Yacht. 1 date. No from him
60. Mr Motorbike. 1 date. Great guy but not for me
61. Mr H. 1 date. No from him
62. Mr Rugby. 1 date. He played rugby for England, is a lawyer and went to Cambridge - wow! I think he's a no though, shame.
63. Mr Paris. 1 date. Guess where I am going this weekend.  
64. Mr Skydiver. 1 date. Lovely, just lovely. Watch this space.  
65. Mr Campervan. 2 dates. Nice guy
66. Mr Posh. 1 date. Unlikely

So the search for my apprentice continues!!


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## lulumead

i love these updates    


66 men is impressive...how do you find the time! Its like a full time job!
x


----------



## Diesy

Thanks Aimless & Tommi for the luck!  But honestly, men!  xx


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## BroodyChick

Hi Girls
so I went on another date with the Cutie I met at a singles event a few weeks ago, we had a nice dinner (going Dutch because of his job situation... not ideal, I know!) but then he told me he needed to say something to me.
Turns out, since he came back from working abroad, he's back living with his Dad!
Now I do like him and I am enjoying getting to know him better, but it's not an ideal scenario. He may find it hard to settle and get to the same level of stability as I have achieved and I wonder if I should save myself the heartache and stop dating him.
We've not kissed and I've not told him about my TTC journey yet, mostly because I don't know if/when I will take the next step.

He knows I've been in hospital and had a tough year so far, but not why. I do want to talk to him about this, just so he knows where I'm at, but somehow it's not seemed relevant yet because of his circumstances and limited potential as a serious contender.
What's your opinion on him?xx


----------



## sohocat

Natclare,
Yes, how do you find the time? I would love to know how you arrange things as it may be helpful for me.   Do you have a regular babysitter every weekend? Because it does take time and energy you know? Or do you not have children yet? I have one, so I would have to find a babysitter.


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## suitcase of dreams

sohocat - natclare doesn't have children yet so she has more time to date - still impressive though, I don't know how you do it hun! hope Mr Right is in amongst this lot    
Broody - presumably you are worried that him living with his dad is a sign of being unable to settle down/commit (rather than it being worrying per se? lots of adult children live with their parents, especially temporarily to save money given how hard it is to get into the housing market these days - me and my 3 sisters all did it at one time or another and I live with my mum now although that is slightly different!). So hard to tell after only 2 dates but have you talked about the future in general - not your future as a couple but what his plans are moving forwards? has he given you any sense of wanting to settle back here? Personally if you like the guy I think you need to give it a few more dates to decide whether to go further - seems to me very early days to make a decision when you don't really know much about eachother yet
when you say he has limited potential as a serious contender I guess that depends on how you classify serious contender? If your criteria include job, high income, own home, then it seems he doesn't fit the bill. Tricky, but I'd give it a bit more time and see how things go
Best of luck
Suitcase
x


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Suitcase, yes that's it - the guy is older than me and seems to just drift though life from casual job to casual job, he said if another season came up abroad he'd take it (this was on our 2nd date - yesterday I saw him the 5th time or so). Also longer-term he hopes to teach English abroad, which I also don't consider a very stable option. I've been hurt and let down by people in his situation before so I don't want to go there again.
I was actually relieved he lives with his dad and not a wife or in a hostel, they seem to get on well but I'm just not sure if I should nip this in the bud before I get more attached to him...


----------



## suitcase of dreams

tricky one broodychick   
on the one hand you just never know how things are going to turn out and he may well change his mind about his longer term plans. on the other hand it does sound like he's the sort of person who doesn't want to be tied down. if you are looking for someone who wants to commit to home, children, stable life in the UK then it doesn't sound like he's really the one for you. of course sometimes love conquers all, and sometimes you just have to take a leap and see where things take you. An Australian friend of mine moved half way across the world to a country she didn't speak the language to be with the boyfriend she'd known for less than 3 months - his visa for Aus ran out - 10 yrs later they are happily married with 2 little boys and living back in Australia. But only you know deep down what's right for you and whether this guy is worth the gamble. 
good luck   
Suitcase
x


----------



## Diesy

Broody, that's a good point Suitcase has made about her friend however he was in a position where he couldn't stay in Oz because of visas which is a bit different to drifting from one opportunity to the next.  It doesn't bother me that your guy is currently staying with his dad, all that needs to change is a lease on a flat and then he's not.  The thing that stands out to me is that he wants to go back abroad and that it's not a very high level job.  (Not that I can talk lol.)  I'd probably focus on whether he's wanting to settle down as opposed to second guessing, eg like why he is on a dating site if he's planning on shuffling off some where else in the near future.  

Men, eh!

I haven't heard from the guy who thought I was wonderful last week.  I think I didn't massage his ego enough, was a bit too clever for him   or jeezo I don't know.  I sent him a nice reply about meeting up again but without his overblown sentemet that he was as wonderful as he thought me - give a girl a chance!  So nil, nada, zip in return.  What's that all about?  

Men, eh!
xx


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Diesy
yes, this 'no more contact' thing is a very male problem, on the upside it also works in reverse, i.e. if you don't wish any more contact, just don't contact him and he will get the message without any big explanations necessary.
It never fails to puzzle me though and has happened to me a few times this year, from a) endless email chat without a suggestion to meet, to b) cancelling a first date last-minute because of 'work' and never arranging another one, to c) enjoying a pleasant lunch and then never responding to another text from me, it all just infuriates me.

Just move on to the next guy, they're not exactly in short supply, but it always stings when someone I'm excited about doesn't want me!


----------



## Diesy

I donno Broody, we actually met and he spent all night, when he wasn't talking about himself, telling me how wonderful he thought I was.  How he couldn't believe I was single and how I looked so much better than my pictures.  The email he sent was straight after the date before he even drove home, no booze either.  He even said he wanted to kiss me but maybe the next time.  I suggested seeing him again but I wasn't all that interested but wanted to see, I wouldn't make my mind up about someone in 2 hours anyway.  I think because I didn't say - you're great too - he got ****** off and left it.  Good to find out now he was an insecure edjit.


----------



## BroodyChick

It's best to find out someone's personality flaws early on, no more time wasted. Someone once sent me an email full of nasty abuse because I had dared not to answer his last email for a week or so, when I told him in my last email that I was going to be away! I had to report him to the website after that. Yes, he was ugly too, but I was communicating with him and never rude to him!


----------



## sohocat

Suitecase of Dreams-thanks for the info, and yes, it is still a huge number and I don't know how she does it. I would love to know! I need to have a live-in on the weekends just for dating but I can't afford it. I would love to know how she organizes the dating.  Please tell us how you do it Natclare .   Any info is so helpful for me.

Broodychick and others who are dating or contemplating dating-A wise person told me dating is like fishing. You get a lot of old shoes and twine, but you can also land a huge tuna. (I really want a big, huge, wonderful tuna!) And just don't give up-keep trying; this person said. This wise person also told me dating is like going on a fact-finding mission. We are gathering data. Sometimes we don't have enough data to make a decision wether or not to say goodbye to someone and stop dating them yet. I know that you had a bad experience before, but I don't think you have enough information about this guy yet. Think of it as gathering information. We are gathering data. You aren't giving him your heart yet; you are just gathering more facts as you talk to him and see him again. I hope this helps, as this has helped me tremendously in the dating world. I get easily scared as I have had bad experiences as well, and as I look at dating like I am just gathering information and going on a fact-finding mission about the person, it helps me a lot. 

Diesy-It does sting when someone you like doesn't respond the same way. It hurts. I know..I've been there too. I just went out on a date with a guy who asked me out again for a 2nd date as he walked me to my car. He said we could go on a picnic and then never called me again!    But I think of what someone told me one time and I really liked what she said. She said that you need to be with someone who wants to be with you-who wants you. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't want you. And if you've tried once or twice to reach out-I think you've tried enough times, and that you should have someone who wants you.


----------



## Diesy

Just to be clear I wasn't sure about the guy, not all that attractive and his witty repartie about his heated car seats nearly finished me off, certainly wouldn't go as far as 'like' in a potential bf sense.  It's the inconsistency I can't stand, it flags my trust issues because one minute they are crazy about you and the next they can't reply to an email.  Hey, maybe he got hit by a truck.  Wouldn't usually say that but I am having the day from hell.

Well hope everyone else is having better dates and a better life than this.  It's hard to fit in Sohocat, I think some people, like Natclare have turned it into a job.


----------



## Tommi

Diesy


----------



## BroodyChick

This should make you laugh... A friend once got stood up for a date and when she contacted the guy to see what had happened, he told her he'd hit a deer in his car.
Yes, a deer!?!
Ok... dear!


----------



## aimless1

Sohocat - i like the fishing analogy.  Better than what i got told about internet dating by a good friend - that its like rummaging in a charity shop......  Mainly a load of old tat that no one else wants but always the chance of unearthing a pair of jimmy choos if you are persistant.
(ps. that friend is getting married to a lovely man she met on Match)
A x


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Aimless, Diesy and Sohocat - great analogies!
Yes we're finding out more facts, about them and us! And I've found some lovely Prada handbags in charity shops before... 
Also signed up to Match for the first time, I keep hearing good stories and it's busier than some other sites!

Best of luck, everyone


----------



## natclare

Ha ha ha - great to see the dialogue going again! So, what are my words of wisdom? Whenever I meet someone (which obviously I do quite a bit) I never expect them to look like their profile nor to be much like what they have written about themselves. I much prefer to find out in person, and it saves disappointment. Some are surprised, but honestly I have no time or energy to do tons of online research or analysis. The simple thing is ... meet in person and as quickly as possible. I am quite open about the fact that I spend half my life emailing at work and have no desire to do that in my dating life as well. I usually give them my number within one or two emails and try and arrange a date/time to go out. Maybe that's reckless and I have lots of people in my phone I have no idea (now) who they are but on the other hand how are you going to communicate. If I get a complete weirdo I can always block their number, I am usually reserved about communicating precisely where I live until a few dates in just in case but it really depends. I live in a small village so it's not too hard to find me if you asked around anyway!! Most people are just nice people and I have even made a few really good friends in the process. So, Sohocat as Suity says no I don't have children so it is so much easier for me that if I did. Sometimes I think I have a slightly odd life at the moment (and long to just have a boyfriend that I can do stuff with, sit in front of the TV, cook dinners for etc as I used to) but basically life consists of a lot of work, dating most nights (when I don't go on a date I consider it a "night off"!) which is obviously very social although I swear I have put on half a stone from all the dinners, freezing embryos and the odd few nights at home playing with the kitten or actually going out with a female friend. Basically I am pretty committed as this is what I hope is to have a complete family (with absolutely no disrespect meant to SMCs at all, I think you are all amazing), although I am obvioulsy hedging my bets in case Prince Charming doesn't happen along soon enough. Inde-kiwi once put it very well to me - "dating and mating". And so, as to the contact questions. I am a very communicative person so I will always text after a date, I always say thank you very much as I was brought up to be very polite. I frequently nip it in the bud then if I don't fancy them (which is sadly most of the time) because I just think you need to fancy someone immediately when you meet them, I am afraid I am not one who believes much in the slow burner! The times I have thought "well he was nice but I don't think I fancy him" and then gone out again and thought "yep, I was right the first time" .... So then to when I do fancy them (about 10% of the time!) it is so so hard when they don't like you back. There is a great film called "He's just not that into you" and it's clear, if they don't text or call or suddenly disappear off the face of the earth it is simple... they are just not that into you. Sometimes that is difficult I have to say, but you do need to pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and move on. It has happened a couple of times where I have literally shed a tear thinking "but I really liked him!", and usually because they were too old or too old for kids, which is my consistent problem (fancy older guys!). I am a member of 3 normal dating websites (Match, My Single Friend and one other) and sometimes meet people through work or friendship groups. My current favourite is Mr Skydiver but it is early days. Oh yes and for those of you who do have young children what about a Skype date? both of you get dressed up, glass of wine in hand, chat for an hour or two? Certainly would save on the babysitters! I have met guys, one or two, who will openly say they would never go out with anyone who already has children. It usually opens a debate for me as I tell them about my "friend" with twins through a donor (Suity you are my reference point hope you don't mind!) so there is no ex husband, sharing of holidays, "father" who will be in your life forever. Many men just had never even thought of that (of course) but I do think that the former partner's intrusion into their life and the competition to play a fatherly role is what puts guys off dating women with kids, which means they simply wouldn't contact you to start with. That is a shame, because when you actually I tell them about my "friend" they usually nod, and it's an entirely different story in response. The trick to it, I think, also is to take breaks from time to time eg I am going on holiday next week and I'm so looking forward to it, not to think about dating (or embryos!) for a while will be just great  
Well anyway I hope that helps!!


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## sohocat

Thanks for sharing natclare. And actually, I have found that a lot of men like me specifically because I am a mother. It's true. And these are the kinds of men I want to date. I also want a relationship as well-the whole thing too. 
I also have nothing against the single women who don't care about dating, but when my child or children grow up and have their own lives-I want to have my own life as well. And again, nothing against those who choose not to date. I also think the single women here are awesome! Every single one of you! It takes so much courage and there is something incredible about being a single mother by choice.  And my child has brought me so much joy I can't even express it. I am so happy. Just for me, I could so easily hide behind my child as it is so satisfying being a mother. And I love it. And I am not saying others hide behind their children at all. Just for me, in my situation, I really want to meet my mate, so I'm working on landing a big tuna.


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## smilingandwishing

You ladies are making me smile with your tales, but also shake my head with frustration at some of the silly men!

I would love to meet someone eventually. I'm not going to do anything about it for a while.  6.5 months preg and a 2 year old - and trying to keep two careers going - so think I've enough for the next year or so, but then........

I went through a big dating patch about 6 years ago before I met my last ex. It was fun, but also hard work sometimes. I met some real characters, including one gut who a couple of hours before we were meant to meet for his first time emailed me and asked if I happen to own any red boots as they really did it for him!  - delete- !!

Smiling xx


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## Tommi

OMG at the red boots, Smiling!


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## Diesy

Red boots!

I was just thinking on emailing that guy who loved me and never got back in touch.  I was going to say - Hope you haven't met a sticky end.  
Thanks Tommi


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## squiggleyhead

Ladies.....I'm new to this thread but here I am a Saturday night and sat in, I should be out on a date I think!

So I'm looking to do something about it! I'm on pof....but grief that's hard work, does anyone have any other suggestions to meet people?

X


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## sohocat

squiggleyhead: can you do 20 minutes a day? Just 20 minutes-that's all. That's how I look at it. I can do 20 minutes a day. And the internet is the only way really to meet people that I know of. I live in Los Angeles, so it is really the only way here. I know single people who have to use the internet here to meet people. 
Smiling: yuch! The red boots. Ewwwww.... I guess you got some facts about this guy. And that would be an old pair of shoes mucked up that you fished up and of course, you throw that back into the water.


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## BroodyChick

Hi Natclare
at which point would you bring up the frozen embies with someone new, and when are you planning to do your FET? Or are they just an 'insurance policy' for you in case all the dates boil down to nothing?
The reason I'm asking is that I am in a similar position to you, but I've not had to discuss the FET with anyone I really liked yet, firstly because I was so ill this year that I didn't really date anyone new, secondly as I've not made my mind up about it 100% yet.
xx


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## natclare

Oh dear on the red boots thing but you've got to laugh I suppose! My frozen embryos are my insurance policy no doubt about it. I hope to meet someone wonderful but if I don't that is the route I will undoubtedly take without hesitation. I have not thought much about how I would tell a future boyfriend about them in particular (I think I would keep it totally private for quite some time) but I would be pretty open about the frozen eggs as of course that is a much more acceptable topic. I have not thought deeply about what I would do if I didn't want to use them, but having been an egg donor anyway I would think seriously about either donating or donating for adoption or for scientific purposes. To be honest I just don't know at this point but I certainly think fondly of them as my back up plan! All going well my end with Mr Skydiver so "on hold" to see if this one works out, fingers crossed as he's lovely. Plus holiday tomorrow thank God  hugs to everyone xxx


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## notamuggle

Hey guys,

I've just paid for 3 months on guardian soulmates in an attempt to at least have a few dates before I start TTC later this year. I've emailed 6 people in the last 3 days and not had any replies  

Thanks for the advice Natclare. I agree with you, I hate the numerous emails I've had yhatndont go anywhere when trying Internet dating before so this time I've emailed saying i much prefer meeting in person and asking if they fancy a drink

Maybe I'm being too forward or maybe I need to email a lot more people. I've had to look in London even though I. 50 miles away as trees not many is giles near me, maybe my location is putting them off

Who knows? But I'm trying to stay positive


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## sohocat

Natasza79-can you do 20 minutes a day? It's just 20 minutes. And don't give up. hugs


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## jules40:)x

Nat when I was online dating I didn't reply to anyone who wanted to meet straight away, I wanted to know what I was letting myself in for and also it kinda comes across that you're looking for a quickie rather than a long term 

Still lurking here I married the man I met on parship so just popping in to say hi xx


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## notamuggle

Thanks Jules, I didn't see it that way when I wrote them and I am definitely not a quickie kind of girl  although when I tried Internet dating last year I just messaged people without asking to meet and that didn't seem work either.

They were long thought out messages talking about things we had in common and questions about their interesting profiles as well as a If you fancy a drink let me know? so not just a Fancy meeting? message but I'm wondering if its just me now.

I've tried changing my profile photo a few times and I've rewritten my profile too and shown it to friends for their comments 

It'd be nice to at least have a couple of dates before starting TCC


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## squiggleyhead

Jukes you met and married someone you met on Parship, so well done!


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## Diesy

I haven't really read all this properly   ...it's all happening here!  Also on POF, give me strength, although my friend met her partner there.  Squggleyhead, just a quick thing, dating sites are really locational if you know what I mean.  Pick a site that is active in your area, POF and Match seem to be the two that are the busiest, but you need your wits about you for POF.  The people I know that have met people treated it like a job, devoted quite a lot of time to it, met quite a number of people and just kept crossing them off...or on.  POF wears me down so I don't think it is the place for me.  

I remember Parship  

Good luck to all those dating warriors out there, may the force be with you!


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## sohocat

Diesy: Hi   Like I said earlier, if I think of it as just doing 20 minutes a day it is doable for me. I can do 20 minutes a day. Even if its forcing myself sometimes. Thus, I end up doing it almost every day, and it brings in some results for me. Dates at least. And also, like I said before, I also think of it like fishing and I am just gathering information on the person before making a decision. What you said I agree with also in regard to POF. It is probably true-that makes sense to me-about people you know meeting their mate on POF by going through a lot, tons of people and just crossing them off. I am on there and that is what I've been doing. That's kind of what I mean by fishing. Thinking of it like this has helped me tremendously.   Don't give up everyone who is doing this!


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## natclare

Hello all! I am still at early "getting to know you" stages with Mr Skydiver. I am currently on holiday on my own but with good friends and he keeps popping into my mind, so nice to have these feelings but I am incredibly aware of how early days it all is. I have personally been meeting lots of people to meet this one and it may look a little crazy, but yes it is like a job (mission?!!) but the other thing I would say is that these guys all generally want a girlfriend, a long term partner, I do just "cross them off" when there is no spark but I have got a few really good friends from failed dates so I am really positive about it on the whole. X


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## squiggleyhead

Well I'm ploughing on with pof......there is a good proportion of blokes on there hat after one to three mails make it clear they are just after a xxxx buddy and I just get them asking to come around my house or the other way around...... It's just a pain really as I don't give the impression anywhere at that is what I am after.


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## sohocat

Squigglyhead: I know, I know....I hear you! I can't stand it either.   But if I look at it like it's just 20 minutes a day; I think I can deal with that s*^&t for 20 minutes a day. Even though it's hard. And I just block the bad ones and move on. And if it's really, really bad and I'm upset, after the 20 minutes are up you can chill out with a glass of wine and watch a good movie and decompress or something to reward yourself for ploughing through. I am also on more than one site. I am also on Eharmony which is better than POF, and also Match. I was told by a friend who met her husband on Match to be on several sites at once. That way you increase your odds. And on each site, make your profile a little different. This was her advice to me that I am passing on to you all. Like your interests. Put one interest on one site and a different one on another. That way you spread your fishing net wider.   Also, don't take it personally. There are a lot of people, who unfortunately, are married or in relationships that are on the internet. So if someone is sexual that is a no no for me and I block them and move on. But you CAN land a great guy-just don't give up. Because there are men on the internet you are also looking for relationships. This is my advice I tell myself too! It's true for me!


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## notamuggle

It's just so expensive to be on one sight let alone two or three! 

Still no replies to my messages and can't find anyone else I'd want to message yet. I've even widened my location to search! Hoping some new men join soon 

X


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## jules40:)x

Nat have u thought about widening ur age limit - I did that for literally an hour then changed my mind but in that time my dh popped up  xx


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## sohocat

Hi Natasza79: 
Well, POF is free, and match and e-harmony do cost money yes, but I don't find it that expensive for me. I don't have a lot of money, but I look at it as giving something to myself that is really important for me. But if you are strapped and such, it can be some money out. It just never bothered me. And believe me, I am not swimming in money at all. For me, it's just important-like brushing my teeth every day. I know, I probably sound like a loon.


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## Diesy

Oops, I seem to have missed some replies, sorry. 20 mins a day keeps your profile active too.  I wish we got paid for it...oho, that's something else entirely.

Crimson, I think you're not alone in that desperate thing. They think women without children are like that too but maybe just a little less obvious about it. I never go on or reply to anyone during the working day, even though I don't work conventional hours. I found, on POF anyway, that I ended up getting LOTS of emails from losers after one thing, and it wasn't coffee. I know we can go online anytime anywhere but I just find it easier to keep it to more social hours, start with the bar high. Hey, wait till your older and all you get is really young boys, I find that the biggest insult.

I got a nice email, I think I'm going to suggest a meet. By the time I got the email he'd put up a stupid, I'm fed up with POF pic on his profile - it was like something for the 70's University Challenge!  I really liked it and then when I saw his other pic's I thought, oh you're cute! I'm planning a move though, as soon as I get my car fixed so... Darn, forgot to reply last night as I was on fire getting my life sorted, now I have to wait till tonight.  I might need to set an alarm on my phone!

Who's up for a dating competition - funniest date ever, tell it here, give us a giggle!  Most of mine just make me annoyed  I will need to think. Start your entry with *  Funniest Date  * All entries considered, no bribing judges (that's us btw) and the prize is...getting thought up. Why do I think NatClaire will win 

Diesy xx


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## Diesy

Just got this as part of a longer email, "I'm kind of looking for a woman who can cook and clean a bit."  I could hardly contain myself, it's the fastest reply I've ever written!    What a gem.  If anyone else is interested PM immediately in case this treasure gets snapped up.


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## Tommi

Diesy... there's an offer you can't refuse!  
Hope you showed him the way to go!  
Txx


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## Diesy

Don't be shy Tommi, you are more than welcome to him and what he has to offer.  Do you reckon he is a Monica from Friends fan? xx


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## Tommi

Actually, Diesy, now you come to mention it, doing some guy's cooking and cleaning is just what's missing from my life    I'm sure I can find some time to schedule it in around, say, 2030?  
Txx


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## Diesy

2030...that soon!  
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.    
Tell you what I'll arm wrestle you for him  
You know what?!  He doesn't mention it in his profile...he must think I look like a right scrubber.  
Somehow I don't think he'll be getting much of this   ...ever.  Yay I found a use for the naughty smilies!  Woop woop, he was good for something in the end.  

xx


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## BroodyChick

It means you should be able to cook and clean A BIT when he has a rare night off from slaving in your kitchen... 

Not too much to ask, surely... 

I got a lovey bunch of flowers today from a true gem, he is a friend of a friend and so far our connection is only virtual, but the flowers make it a bit more real, somehow! He will come to town at the end of the month


----------



## flutter6y

hello everyone, okay so I posted before here, and since pregnant I have not been looking for a man, but who would have thought it! it seems that one has come my way, who seems so compatible with me and well, in every way so far just wonderful. I am very excited but also anxious. I am 27 weeks, and the timing of this is really rubbish, but when something so potentially precious comes along what can you do? He is a separated father of two young ones, and seems to be completely unphased by my pregnancy and very very supportive, and well just lovely. 

I am being really cautious, taking it slow, but the reason I've particularly come on here, is I remember reading a post, possibly far back on this thread, from a success story of my kind of situation.  A lady who wrote about meeting someone whilst pregnant, how they were careful and took a few months out just prior and after the birth of the baby, but that the relationship worked out well in the end and I think they went on to have a further child together but not sure.

I would be really keen to re-read that post and potentially contact the member but can't spot if anywhere. does it ring any bells to anyone? also any advice welcome. I know I'm hormonal, had been feeling lonely at times, but also was really quite happy with the idea of keeping well away from men now until baby is well into his/her first year. But then this has happened and as I say, I'm well a bit all over the place but overall happy, excited whilst cautious to make only wise decisions for the sake of me and my baby who is of course my utmost priority and who I am thrilled about and cannot wait to meet. 

grrrr, why is life so complicated


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## BroodyChick

Hi Flutter6y

wow, best of luck with him!
Treat him as a good, supportive friend, and look at things long-term, I believe if you put your faith in someone and start off with honest communication that is a great way to start a relationship!

Your hormones will be up and down, so it's good to take things slowly, but it sounds like you are blessed to have met him at this time. Hope it continues to go well.

I don't remember this other post, but it happens all the time. Especially since he is a dad already he will be able to understand what being a parent means to you (I had some very positive support from a 'friend with benefits' when I opened up about my situation... sadly I miscarried but he came to see me in hospital when I had OHSS. He also has kids).

Not sure if a pregnant lady will be able to 'convert' a confirmed bachelor (who needs the hassle!?) but single dads should be ideal dating material  
I signed up to a single parents dating website but found it a bit disappointing, as the people on there seemed more the 'absent father' type and some of them sounded a bit stupid (yes, I am a grammar and spelling Nazi...) so I cancelled my membership.
Best to be as un-specific as you can, and just stay open to men in all manner of situations (whether widowed, divorced, parents already, or not) to widen the field in my opinion.

Best of luck and keep us posted how it's going for you!  xoxox

P.S. I also have a date this weekend with a recently separated guy, dad of 2 who is very close to his kids, which I think is great!


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## Diesy

Flutter6y - good plan to take it slow!  That should be the way anyway.

Broody - is this the guy who sent you flowers?  Have fun on your date!

Diesy


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## natclare

Hello everyone! The List needs an update, it's been a while but before I do I need to react to Diesy's challenge for Worst Date Ever story. Mine is Mr Millionaire. I took a train to meet him but upon arrival couldn't see anyone I recognised until this guy tapped me on the shoulder and I realised, well, this must be him. He looked absolutely nothing like his photograph and I spent most of the time thinking "well, he's either 10 years older than he is claiming to be or that photo was just taken on a VERY good day!". But hey, in for a penny in for a pound so we went to lunch. He was like someone from Dragon's Den... Now, I think that I could probably have a great night out with any of the dragons including the women but this guy I had nothing in common with and in the end it became a little game in my head as I was going through every single topic of conversation determined that we must have something in common, but no. He was rich beyond belief but in the end I just wanted to suggest maybe a Thai bride to him as no English girl in her right mind would put up with him! 

62. Mr Rugby. 4 dates. Sweet guy, friends, but he has a lot of baggage - 3 kids. It's not going to work as I can't see him doing it again, he'd be crazy to.
63. Mr Paris. 2 dates. Paris is just too far.
64. Mr Skydiver. Took a break and dated exclusively for 2 months approx. but some things just not right. It's over, for now. 
65. Mr Campervan. 2 dates. He met someone else.
66. Mr Posh. 1 date. No
67. Mr Tall. 1 date. No
68. Mr Woody. 1 date. Sweet but no.
69. Mr Mozambique. 1 date. No
70. Mr Sheep. 3 dates. Like this one, pretty sure he is playing the field which is a shame.
71. Mr Lord Lucan. Just good friends same as my original Mr Fireman.
72. Mr Stuntman. 1 date. No
73. Mr Rower. 1 date. Nice. Second one Wed.
74. Mr Conferences. 1 date. Maybe.
75. Mr Beekeeper. 2 dates. I like him v much. Will see.

And so concludes today's shipping forecast


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## BroodyChick

Natclare - omg, this dude sounds like someone I went for dinner with years ago, he picked me up in a Bentley and then suggested I give him some money so he can teach me spread betting!
He was also at least 10 years older than his pic... Bizarrely I'd advertised for some guys to come clubbing with me and a friend, and this fruit loop replied. He had a weird 'arrangement' with his wife whereby he could stay out til 4am as long as he woke up in his own bed! This means he booked hotel rooms with girls and basically did a runner in the morning.
We never got that far, of course. He wasn't drinking but ordered a whole bottle of champagne for me, which I didn't finish but took home with the cork stuffed back in. Weirdos... 

Do you have the Four Man Plan book? If not, you need to get it. Invaluable advice!

I had a wonderful few days with Mr ** (yes Diesy, the one who sent the blooms...), and by the end he even suggested having a baby with me... he is THAT sure he wants us to work out.
However I want to get to know him a bit better and not put any such pressure on him or me, so we will see... all in all, a very promising weekend (and no, I did not sleep with him!)


How's it going for you, Fluttery6?x


----------



## Diesy

Wow Broody, sounds like you are going great guns there!  

Natclare, I'm very intrigued by this wonderful specimen of man/Thai bride customer.  What was his most outrageous attitude?  Since no-one else has entered my comp you are now in the second heat!  Congratulations.  

If you saw my other post you'll see I had a much younger man threw himself at me last week, it's all in who you drink with I think.


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Diesy - good luck with the young pup, don't dismiss them, you know


----------



## natclare

Hi everyone,

BD Yes I think I looked up the Four Man Plan last time you recommended it to me. I suppose in a way I do always have three or four balls up in the air but I am so, so picky that usually I meet them just the once and never again so rather than balls being up in the air I just seem to chuck them in the bin, one after the other (in a very nice way OF COURSE!).

Diesy... congrats on the younger man! HOW much younger? Well, I just say enjoy yourself hon  

There is a minor update:
73. Mr Rower. 1 date. Cancelled on me Wed and I was just relieved to have a "night off"  
75. Mr Beekeeper - Seeing him tonight. He is divorced because his wife had an affair, has two little boys 4 and 5 and everyone seems to be getting on well. Lovely guy.
76. Mr Dungeness - He brought me the biggest bunch of flowers so gets bonus points but not spark! So no but anyone who wants a slightly geeky boyfriend that lives in Dungeness and is caring and intelligent do drop me a PM! His sister in America had attempted SMC but stopped after 3x rounds of IVF when she was unsuccessful. Very, very interesting to hear that from the other (family) side. And that just came up in the conversation of "any nieces or nephews yet?".
77. Mr Mathematician - A degree from Oxford no less but in a computer programming job for 15 years. Anyone who knows me knows I can talk for England but it was a struggle! So a no.

Have a great weekend everyone. I am off to see Mr Beekeeper and also my sister and gorgeous baby niece. Can't wait!
xx


----------



## natclare

Diesy - I forgot one thing! My great friend Mr Fireman I think will win the "worst dates" competition although maybe not as he declined a date with this lady.
The reason being she was in fact a transsexual, which to be fair if you were a transsexual it must be pretty darned difficult to find a boyfriend. But still.... !


----------



## BroodyChick

Oh Nat, I just laughed out loud about the transsexual date, do give us some more details!?
And how was your date with the Beekeeper?

I am now utterly confused since my last date (not with the flower guy, but another divorced dad) was so special that it's made me question who my current favourite is.

Also had a few 'one and only' dates although the book says to give them a second chance, but there seems little point when in one case, there was blatant disinterest (he didn't even offer to pay for my drink), another just waffled on about boring subjects like public transport for 2 hours (another cheapskate) and a third tried groping me in public on date 3...

So I now have 2 favourites and a few first-timers I may see again, or not.

Both of my 2 faves are interested in having more kids... with me. Haha, I feel like little Miss Popular! 

It's early days so I'm not deciding yet whose offspring to rent my womb to for 9 months (that is, if I can even get pregnant again without using my frozen embryos).


----------



## flutter6y

Hi

good to see you are keeping busy ladies!

well things seem to be going well with my new man. Its been almost 4 weeks now and we are officially gf/bf whilst it is all still feeling very new still and defo still getting to know each other. It really helps him being a father. He is upset a lot about the acrimony between him and his ex (mother of his 2 kids) and how this affects his children.  This all feels pretty heavy but I really empathise with him and just try to listen and support however I can. and thinking about how we will be after baby arrives (10 weeks to go now, if all goes to schedule) feels really hard for me to think about. so I am just trying to go with the flow at the moment and not worry too much.  I know I am loving getting to know him and it still feels very right. and whilst rather emotional and mood swingy I am feeling very happy and get flutterbys in my tum when I see him.  

so tired, must go but there's a little update for you anyhoo, and i'll keep you posted. really hope this is not all my hormones causing havoc and a flash in the pan  thing. don't think it is though x


----------



## natclare

Wow flutter - all power to you - I really hope it continues to go well and my very best wishes for the next 10 weeks.
xxx


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## BroodyChick

Hi flutterby, what great developments for you!
You must be so excited. I really hope it continues to go well for you, and you being pg should take the pressure off your expectations of him and bring out his best qualities hopefully.

I am also very excited about my flower guy, although he doesn't currently live where I do. We have another weekend planned and he's told me he is falling in love with me... I'd rather he kept it a bit cooler for now, as there is so much going on in his life, but we will see.

The other divorced dad is also still expressing a huge interest, but he's now on holiday for a while. Got a 1st date this evening with someone who sounds rather quirky, so should be good value 

How's the hubby hunting going for you, Natclare?
I am just reading Calling In the One, which has some lovely tips and feels very life (and love-)affirming


----------



## natclare

Husband Hunt Update.

73. Mr Rower. 1 date. He didn't want to see me again as I didn't want to sleep with him date #1. Actually quite shocked! Good riddance.
75. Mr Beekeeper - Many dates. All going well
76. Mr Dungeness - 1 date. No
77. Mr Mathematician - 1 date. No
78. Mr Product Manager - 1 date. Unlikely
79. Mr English Teacher - 1 date. Local but so short! No
80. Mr Estate Agent - 1 date. No
81. Mr Ashford - 1 date. No

Have a lovely weekend ladies


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## Raindroplet

Hi, I'm new here...single also. I'm 36, and have been on many dates from dating sites. I'm taking a break from it at the moment though, because I just feel that my personal situation is just so damned complicated that I can't possibly find anyone right for me (and I rarely fancy anyone anyway!!).

I always feel like I have to meet someone that wants to try for a baby straight away because I know that IF I was to become pregnant it could take years. That is no way to begin a first date; ''by the way, here's the deal...''  Also, I do _not_ want to shag loads of people!! That's not the type of person I am.

The last date I went on was with an English teacher, who happened to live on my street (what are the chances of that??!!) But, after meeting up with him a few times, things being more like friends rather than anything else (although we did kiss a couple of times), things changed when he admitted he never wants kids. I could not believe it!! It *clearly* stated on my dating profile that I wanted kids: children? no do you want children? yes

I despair. What is wrong with men that ignore the most vital pieces of information? I could have wasted a long time on him. As it goes, we weren't compatible anyway, he is far too regimented in his daily activities/ chores and too serious for me. Two things that I find off putting in a partner. We have remained friends anyway...I seem to be making lots of friends from dating sites!! Haha.


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Raindroplet - welcome, and hold tight for your ride on this merry-go-round!

I despaired at plenty of guys with that sort of attitude, but agree they can become great friends/cinema partners/platonic boyfriend substitutes once you get over your rage about their lies 
Some guys may genuinely want convincing, but if he's a teacher he should know his own mind about children and should have let you know sooner. Cue to you asking more slightly leading questions earlier on, you can do this without being too obvious and their reactions will tell you a lot.
Nobody you meet for the first time should object to be asked what type of relationship they are looking for, and it's part of the process of getting to know someone.

I found the Four Man Plan book a great tool for organizing my dates better, and seem to have ended up with the ultimate prize: Flower Man- the elusive man who's just told me he loves me, wants babies with me and is moving to be closer to me in a couple of months' time!

It's early days but I have a great feeling about him.
Now will I still be eligible to stalk the Singles board once things progress!??


----------



## silverbird

Hi all,

I like the surrendered single by Laura Doyle

I can only say it's worked well for me so far 

I'm still here on the single boards and no-one seems to mind. Although I've learnt that while you can talk theoreticaly about having a bf during treatment here but threads get moved if you talk about it specifically.

Good luck Broody, Riandroplet, Natclare and everyone else.


----------



## Caledonia

Raindroplet said:


> Hi, I'm new here...single also. I'm 36, and have been on many dates from dating sites. I'm taking a break from it at the moment though, because I just feel that my personal situation is just so damned complicated that I can't possibly find anyone right for me (and I rarely fancy anyone anyway!!).
> 
> I always feel like I have to meet someone that wants to try for a baby straight away because I know that IF I was to become pregnant it could take years. That is no way to begin a first date; ''by the way, here's the deal...''  Also, I do _not_ want to shag loads of people!! That's not the type of person I am.
> 
> The last date I went on was with an English teacher, who happened to live on my street (what are the chances of that??!!) But, after meeting up with him a few times, things being more like friends rather than anything else (although we did kiss a couple of times), things changed when he admitted he never wants kids. I could not believe it!! It *clearly* stated on my dating profile that I wanted kids: children? no do you want children? yes
> 
> I despair. What is wrong with men that ignore the most vital pieces of information? I could have wasted a long time on him. As it goes, we weren't compatible anyway, he is far too regimented in his daily activities/ chores and too serious for me. Two things that I find off putting in a partner. We have remained friends anyway...I seem to be making lots of friends from dating sites!! Haha.


Hi all, I am new on here and wasn't planning on skipping by the dating thread but had a wee peek and saw this post and laughed out loud - I could have wrote it myself! Hi Raindroplet - I am also 36 - also figure 'hey I am looking for a baby daddy' is not how any relationship begins and have met my fair share of anal retentive, over cleaning, over fussy men with no sexual spark!!

Hello to you all!!  

Natclare is that the amount of men you have dated? I am impressed - I hit about 28 and have given up! I was sick of hearing from people they met the guy on date 8 or date 6!! Once I hit 15 I started to despair - good on you for keeping going


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## sohocat

Natclare,
How do you think of these names for these guys. That is so funny and very creative! I need to start doing that. I was just wondering what your creative process was-where does it start from?   


sohocat


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## natclare

Hello everyone!

Well there's not much of an update as I fell in love a bit with Mr Beekeeper, then it ended because he wasn't ready for a new relationship. Pretty gutted as I had met his two little boys and spent a lot of time with him, but onwards and upwards.

75. Mr Beekeeper - Many dates. Sadly not to be
82. Mr Nutritionist - 1 date. Lovely but no
83. Mr Surfer - 2 dates. Think it's a no
84. Mr Sexy Eyes - 2 dates. Looking good

Caledonia, welcome to FF! Yes it is the number of guys I have met in the last 15 months. One of my clear characteristics is that I am pretty determined and ever hopeful! Most of these I haven't met more than once though and there have been a few mini relationships but nothing serious.

Sohocat, the naming is usually the most defining thing I have about them although they all of course have great qualities and although I am not sure if I would remember each and everyone's name I can pretty much remember with the little memory hooks here who everyone is!

Best wishes to everyone x


----------



## Caledonia

I really admire your dedication! I find internet dating pretty soul destroying, either they like you, you like them or no one likes each other lol!! 

It can be fun - but expensive!! I often found myself understanding exactly why those guys were single - and wondering whether I was as bad as them and didin't realise!!


----------



## natclare

Hello all, I just had to share this little email from a gentleman, 56, on Guardian Soul Mates. I shall never meet him as he's a "no" to children, but it didn't half brighten my day, how sweet! 

"How can someone so drop dead sexy not find someone within 10 minutes. I simply cannot understand it. You are amazing. I am off to Greece to sail and have given up on this internet dating thing. You have to find someone . Your children would be drop dead gorgeous, T"

Obviously there is no accounting for taste and he needs glasses but still....


----------



## Annaleah

Fabulous message and thanks for sharing.  Love following your dating adventures.. How did Mr 84 do?
x


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## Caledonia

What a fab mail to get!! I love getting those kind of mails but sometimes hate the 'why are you single - are men crazy' cos I start to worry that in fact maybe I am the loon lol !! 

I have a date tomorrow night with a guy in his early 40's  - is it wrong I am put off cos he has 3 kids?  Just seems a huge committment on his part which leaves little space for what I am looking for!!


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## Mada1

Hi everybody,

just popping up to tell you I read some of the posts yday and you ladies inspired me so much !! I straigth away signed in in a couple of serious websites and this morning I woke up with two amazing men @[email protected] at me!  One of them super hot and one super sweet... Thank you very much ladies.
Ops sorry , they are 4 now LOL.last two are are an environmentalist and a pilot 

will answer them this eve, it seems like in less then 24h this approach already provided 4 chances.
Hopefully this will keep my mind busy during my 2ww, I am 6d PO and Home insemination with  Cryos semen.

Thanks again ladies,
fingers crossed for us all


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Mada
fingers crossed for your BFP on OTD! THis is your second cycle?

I made the decision in June to sign up to another online dating service I'd not tried before, just for 3 months until my FET, and believe it or not in this time I met a wonderful guy who was there to hold my hand when I had the treatment!!
So yes, it can happen 

The books I'd recommend for your quest are the Four Man Plan, Finding Mr Right and Calling in the One. xx


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## Mada1

Hi Broody,


That's lovely you found somebody willing to support you  That's a dream come true!
Tanks a miliion for suggesting those titles, will order them asap. 
yep it's my second attemptI am usually organised and driven person but never tried this approach in my personal life...MAybe why i am 37 and single? LOL
Time to move forward and try to @Hurry love @ 

I am actually on parship and eHarmony, they seems to be good for Europe based people and relocated people...lets see ...

   for us all


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## BroodyChick

Funnily enough, Mada1 I didn't meet my DP on that dating site, although I had a bunch of interesting dates 
It makes such a difference using an organized approach and opening your heart to love, this is why I found Calling In.. so eye-opening and very helpful with the process of getting in the right mind frame for a relationship.
It also proved to me that whether you have 3 heads or 5 kids, if he is the right guy he is out there for you! The only thing really off-putting to a potential love interest is negativity xx


----------



## Mada1

will start with that book then as I don't have 3 heads and I believe I have not really been open to love for a long while.

are you on your 2ww as well? Am I getting it right?


----------



## BroodyChick

Yes, 2ww since last week Thursday - OTD on Sunday - aaagghh!


----------



## jenjen1

Hi, just popping in to wish Broodychick & Mada good luck on their 2ww. Hope it's a BFP for both of you!x


----------



## Mada1

Thanks a million JenJen 

Fngers crossed for you Broody


----------



## Caledonia

Good luck with the 2WW ladies - and the dating! Brilliant.

Thanks for the book advice Broody Chick - I might check them out too!

I had my date last night - and he was lovely and well I am rather giddy which doesn't happen a lot! I might need to re-think my attitude to someone with kids


----------



## BroodyChick

Single dads are great, Caledonia! Why the heck not!? At least he can teach you a thing or two about changing a nappy etc!

My guy also has children from his previous marriage, and this is why he's not scared of having more. 
Thank you Mada, I think all those positive vibes seem to be working...  xx


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## Mada1

Hello Ladies,

first of all fingers crossed for Broody. just 2 days to your OTD correct?
Plenty of fresh     for you.
As for me today ( d7 PO ) my temp went unusually down in the morning and unusually up in the afternoon, let's hope it's a good sign and not just a flu 

Concerning those websites... Ladies if you're in the US and like adventurous smart guys I strongly recommend eHarmony!!! I got the suggestions of so many handsome young professionals that I am smiling at my screen like a stupid. Seriously , amazing guys... I must be born in the wrong continent   .

from the other website am already chatting with 3  interesting based in Europe.. fingers crossed for us all but especially for broody in the next couple of days


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## Altai

Hi everyone

I am new to this tread.

But as u can understand I am singe and still looking for mr right.

I tried different dating sites since splitting from my ex but nothing has worked so far.

I stopped online dating for a while as was stimming & now in 2ww. My otd on 4 oct, fingers crossed  . I am doing this on my own.

Mada, I now almost wish I was in the US.

I am still on eharmony UK thou.....


----------



## Mada1

HI Altai,

you testing 4th Oct?it's my OTD too  

Fingers crossed   

I am in UK and IE eharmony but found parship maybe better for your European guys, at least for my age target ( 35-45). In e harmony I seems to be matching with rest of the world guys only .


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## Altai

Mada

Good to us both on 4 th then.

I'm in the UK, too.

Am now thinking rather than doing Internet dating, better go for meet up groups.
Few of them are specifically for singles. I've already registered for couple of them, with events mid oct.

Will report back how things go on...


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## Mada1

HI Altai,
first of all     for your OTD. ASM I am starting to feel AF like cramping... I won't have to wait long, my pre AF spotting should start tomorrow so if my Home Insemination did not work I will know it straight away...at least.

I am actually in Ireland, but I am italian so am now searching all over the world with this websites, you never know...And this is keeping me very entertained for the moment. so far I am chatting with the following:

1- The dream guy, we are exchanging long messages, he seems to thick all the boxes, suspicious...need to see him soon.

2- The pilot, mixed feelings about this one , I thing he might be my copycat wearing trousers and am not sure I could handle someone like me 

3- The pilot2, this seems to adjust his answers to my likings...needs further investigation, maybe an early meeting

4- The shy one, this must be a wonderfull man, just a little bit concerned over his personality, I am afraid of people that are too shy

5- Mr Hot, he disappeared after the first message...I will wait for a second message as long as it takes 

6- The sales guy, too soon to make an impression

7- The musician, sounds a little bit new age for my likings so far , need to challenge him with some real life questions

8-13 shy guys, still didnt say anything that deserves a nickname

so far I am quite intrigued by the first 2 but am enjoying  relating to all these new men all together... love you ladies, thanks a million for opening my  mind to this opportunity


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## Caledonia

Well my date with the single dad went really well - I was quite smitten and he suggested doing it again! Not heard anything since! I know we are only three days down the line but men drive me nuts lol!!

I think I have had so many dates now I can't actually tell a good one or bad one - well no I can but I can't tell if they are into me or not - I always get it wrong!


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## natclare

Hello all hope everyone is well and pleased to see I have inspired another list maker  

Update on The List

83. Mr Surfer - 2 dates. Still think it's a no.. 
84. Mr Sexy Eyes - Never saw or heard from him again after date #2. Something I said?!
*Mr Tobago (some might remember him from way back when!) made a little visit to the UK, was lovely to see him!*
85. Mr Totality - 1 date. Think no.
86. Mr Sweet - 1 date. Pencilling in another.
87. Mr Barrister - 1 date. My first vegetarian. No
88. Mr Cambridge - 1 date. No
89. Mr Harley Street - 1 date. Maybe

I'm off to Serum next weekend for an appointment with Penny too.

Best wishes to everyone!


----------



## Annaleah

Natclare.... your list is creeping towards a triple figure.  I'm inspired to go a hunting.

Hope all goes well when you see Penny.
X


----------



## Altai

Hi mada

How was your otd? 

I got bfn unfortunately    so now considering next step.

Natclare, are u in serum Athens? How r they?

Ladies, have anybody tried zoosk?  Registered with them to take my mind off ivf worries.
But it looks bit weird site- all mails am getting are zoosk provided chart up lines.

Not sure whether it real....


----------



## Mada1

Dear Altai,
I am so sorry for your BFN  . same sad result for me and really hit me bad. for some reason I felt it was still going fine till the very last minute before AF.  

Dear Broody,
you got BFP?? that's brilliant   

Dear Nat,
yep you were great inspiration! But it too much work to keep a track of everybdy so will abandn he list and just update on the main ones.

Ladies should you want to comment any advise is very much welcome


----------



## Mada1

1- The dream guy, we are exchanging long messages, he seems to thick all the boxes, suspicious...need to see him soon.UPDATE: getting better and better and better, I really like him  he said he'll flight here by month enfd to meet me  so much looking forward  

2- The pilot, mixed feelings about this one , I thing he might be my copycat wearing trousers and am not sure I could handle someone like me UPDATE,  he is really interesting but we are still behind compare to dream guy. he said he would flight here as well soon but would take him 12 hours so .... who knows.

3- The pilot2, this seems to adjust his answers to my likings...needs further investigation, maybe an early meeting. UPDATE. he's nice but I am not sure we'd really suit each other. maybe an early meet before dream guy arrives , just to get back in the right mood

4- The shy one, this must be a wonderfull man, just a little bit concerned over his personality, I am afraid of people that are too shy. UPDATE: I stepped back and he disappeared. I am pretty sure he's not selfconfident enough for me...

5- Mr Hot, he disappeared after the first message...I will wait for a second message as long as it takes 

6- The sales guy, too soon to make an impressionUPDATE: so far so good, still tooo early to judge

7- The musician, sounds a little bit new age for my likings so far , need to challenge him with some real life question UPDATE :  no way

8-13 shy guys, still didnt say anything that deserves a nickname

However... I think I have a crush on dream guy....fingers crossed and diet till our first date


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Mada
thanks for your wishes for my BFP - yes I can hardly believe it! Got my scan next week and just need to relax and keep my fingers crossed til then  
Sounds like you're on a good track with all your dates - hope the 4MP is helping! I found it invaluable when juggling multiple guys, but now I am just so happy and feel very blessed with my DP (flower guy). Good luck with Dream Guy and hope it works out for the best!!
He is really amazingly supportive, and all I could wish for. There is just one slight issue... Will post in the Relationship thread as less public than on here!x

natclare - how did your appointment go?x


----------



## Min80

Wow Mada congratulations on your BFP!


----------



## natclare

Hi all

Thought it was time for an update although I'm so busy with treatment and holidays dating has taken a bit of a backseat:

*Mr Tobago - another visit in the offing just before I go to Athens!*
86. Mr Sweet - 4 dates and counting. Looking v positive
89. Mr Harley Street - 3 dates and no kiss. Date or ditch? 
90. Mr Jazz - 1 date. Maybe. He's disappeared off on holiday.
91. Mr Hercules - 2 dates. I really like him but might be a bit one-sided.

And that concludes the shipping forecast for today.


----------



## BroodyChick

Mr Sweet sounds nice, Nat!

Keep the others in the loop until he's proven himself worthy of your undivided attention! Telling him you are dating but ultimately want a relationship should keep him on his toes.

Do you WANT to kiss Mr Harley Street? If you're not bothered either way, just let it simmer. Maybe it will just be a friendship, or he's shy. If you want to check his moves, you should give him a sweet kiss on the cheek to encourage him!

Best of luck


----------



## natclare

Time for an update!

29. Mr Tobago  Many dates. Lives in Sweden. Doomed, but I adore him.
86. Mr Sweet - Countless dates but it ended.
89. Mr Harley Street  5 dates. Broke his heart and felt awful. 
90. Mr Jazz - 1 date. Disappeared.
91. Mr Hercules - 2 dates. It was one sided, all over.
92. Mr Civil Engineer  2 dates. No
93. Mr South Africa - 1 date. No
94. Mr Salsa - 1 date. No
95. Mr Architect - 2 dates. Ticking along, nice guy.
96. Mr Rails - 1 date. Maybe
97. Mr OzLondon - 1st date Monday.


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## BroodyChick

Have you tried Tinder, Natclare?x


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## Sharry




----------



## natclare

Oh go on, why not, time for an update! I took 6 months off dating as my life fell apart, I lost my job in the middle of buying a house, and just at the last minute it all turned out right. 
So back in the saddle.

29. Mr Tobago – Wonderful friend, offered to be my KD last week! (I tried explaining the many pitfalls and why that wouldn't be good idea!)
98. Mr Vin Diesel - Met & fell in love with Belgian on Christmas Day in Ukraine. Ultimately a no due to language and distance, but rather wonderful.
99. Mr Serum - Fleetingly in love in a lift for 60 seconds. Ended badly.
100. Mr Red - Dated for 4 months. Match made in heaven on paper, unfortunately didn't quite work out, ended with mutual agreement.
101. Mr Cocoa - 1 date. No, but good networking!
102. Mr Dedicated - 1 date so far, not a no yet
103. Mr Boris Johnson - 1 date. A posh off, I lost. No
104. Mr Poppins - 1 date. Practically perfect in every way. We'll see

And so concludes the shipping forecast for today.


----------



## RusskiHope

I've decided to become a SMC after my engagement fell apart end of November without any warning whatsoever. I was absolutely devastated as thought he was my world but in the end he betrayed me badly and finished via email! 

I'm 38 and feel I won't meet anyone to have a child with as running out of time and especially working in Iraq, my chances are pretty slim.

But then, I got on a plane from Iraq to London 2 weeks ago and met somebody! I went to London and he lives in Norwich. But we both work in the same town in Iraq. So we've been chatting for the past 2 weeks and he asked me on a date. He's already smitten with me. I like him too. He's 48 years old and has a 19 year old daughter. He's single. And always wanted to have more kids. 

Now, I actually want to tell him about my SMC plans and that I've already started it. But when do I actually tell him? How soon? And I do wonder how he'll react.

Interested to hear your opinion.

Russki


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Russki, wow that sounds like some romance! You should just be open and honest, you really can't lose.
I've shared my desire for a child with a few guys I met in the past 2 years and never had a negative reaction (it's early days so the sooner you mention it the better, you don't want him thinking you're just waiting for any man to come along).
You may be surprised! My DP who I've now been seeing for a year actually suggested on our second or third date that he could donate sperm, by that stage we'd been chatting online and on the phone for a while so he knew what was important to me.
For various reasons that just wasn't practical (financially, medically and also it was a very new relationship) so I decided to rescue one of my ice babies instead.
Fast forward a year and we have a gorgeous baby and are very happy!

It's great you already established your guy wants more kids (I briefly saw someone in his forties with a teen daughter before I met DP and he was heading to party central, not back to the nursery ).
I'd say keep up the dialogue, don't stray too far from your path but keep an open mind where this guy is concerned- he may just be your mr right! X


----------



## RusskiHope

Hi BroodyChick,

I don't even know if he wants to have kids now. He said in the past he wanted more kids. He recently ended a 10 year relationship but never had kids with his ex. Makes me wonder why! 
Also, he's looking into moving to Spain and keep a home in Norwich. So don't think he's thinking about the kids.
Wonder if I should really mention my SMC decision. 
I don't want to stray off my path for anybody.

We'll see how our date goes. Also, I have to be careful what and when to say as our iraqi town is very small and everybody knows everybody's business. And I'm keeping it all quiet. 
Sooner or later I'll need to tell him as I don't want to lead him on. 
Hopefully he's an understanding guy and won't fall into a long coma hahaha 

Russki


----------



## RusskiHope

And last night in a passing conversation, well I was fishing, carefully, he said he would want to have kids with the right girl. He already thinks the world of me but but I can't hang on to that. How can I !!!??

So girls, Your thoughts, please.?

Russki


----------



## Tincancat

Russki tell him!  I have someone who admires me from afar who has adult kids.  I told him about my plans 2 weeks before I went to Cyprus and he has been very supportive much to my surprise.  I thought it would scare him off as I'm not sure about him myself.  

I would still go ahead with donor though rather than him as it can end up complicated if it does not work out for you both.  Be honest.and see what happens.  What have you got to lose? 
TCC x


----------



## RusskiHope

Thanks TTC!
I'm in Russia at the moment and he's back in the UK and our date is on the 9th. So he does admire me from afar. And I like him too. 
Our date is on the 9th when I'm back from Russia. I really want to tell him but I'm so worried, for some odd reasons. Think I might scare off and I kind of like him.
However I still want to go ahead with my IUI decision. 
Also, I have trust issues when it comes to my work place. It's such a small place and we all know each other, I just don't want anyone to find out about my plans! 

Big sigh....

Russki


----------



## natclare

Russki, I would tell him and be very specific that this is in confidence. It will start little cogs turning (if it doesn't give him a heart attack).. and you never know he may be Mr Right. I am not actually trying myself, personally I have fairly up front told people I have frozen my eggs sometimes even on first or second dates. I have only told very close friends (not dates) about freezing embryos and obviously the donor part of that. I would also not stop in your tracks of tx unless you are really, really sure. People have done that in the past and felt that they "lost a year" but honestly you just need to go with your gut. Good luck x


----------



## natclare

PS if he is the right guy, you won't scare him off.


----------



## RusskiHope

My very closed friend always suggested egg freezing which I haven't done and after my engagement broke down I've decided to become and SMC.

And when I was with my ex I openly told him if our relationship didn't work out I'd go for an IUI. 

Since I'm working in Iraq I don't have opportunities of going on dates and break the subject to the guys just to see their reaction.

And I do wonder what my date called J would think if I told him about IUI.


----------



## BroodyChick

What's the alternative to 'scaring him off' by having a simple conversation?
I'd imagine he would feel much more taken aback to discover you're pregnant and hadn't felt you could confide in him before, it may make him think that you don't trust him enough. I find that honesty breeds trust and closeness x


----------



## Tincancat

I agree Broody.  Russki you have nothing to lose by being open with him.
TCC x


----------



## RusskiHope

Thank you ladies,

Well, I'm certainly looking forward to my date with him. Have to see how the conversation goes as I don't want to overwhelm him right away. Poor sod! Haha 

And I totally agree about trust and closeness, no trust-no hope. 

And if he runs a mile then it's his loss.

I'll keep you posted.

Russki


----------



## missowen

I have been reading this post for a while but too nervous to write but recently single and

Ruski how did your date with j go? Do tell.....

Hope it went well there's nothing worse than unrequired love!


----------



## natclare

Missowen... don't be shy!
Russki... how are you? Any news?

Update from my world is:

1. Mr Natclare - Met & shook hands with his wife. Gutted doesn't cover it.
29. Mr Tobago - Just good friends
98. Mr Vin Diesel - Belgium trip beckons
104. Mr Poppins - 4 dates. Hopeful, very hopeful, please let this be it
105. Mr DHL - 2 dates. Lovely, but no
106. Mr Outdoors - 1 date. Gorgeous, too young.
107. Mr Scriptwriter - 1 date. No
108. Mr Loveable Scot - 1 date. Maybe
109. Mr Cessna - 1 date. Gorgeous, too old.
110. Mr Primary Teacher - 1 date. Wonderful, no click.
111. Mr Malbec - 1 date. Unlikely 
112. Mr PG - 3 dates. Possible 

And so concludes the shipping forecast for today. x


----------



## Tincancat

Hehe Natclare I admire your persistence.  I gave up long ago.  My donor was my ideal -  tall dark and hasn't let me down with these two monkeys on the way.

Russki you have gone quiet... how was the date? 

Hi MissOwen can you compete with Natclare dates? 
TCC x


----------



## RusskiHope

Hello ladies,
Sorry I've been quiet as was travelling back to Iraq and fell ill. Upset tummy etc. and it's absolutely boiling here. I do wonder how I'll survive here when I get pregnant!? The temperature currently during the day is +46+48. And we still have August to go through when it's going to get hotter. Big sigh...

As for my date, well  it didn't go according to the plan as I had food poisoning at lunch time! Typical, eh! And apart from that nothing decided to be pursued. So I leave it for now.

I'm not really looking for a father for my baby, I believe I've made up my mind to go solo and if I meet someone along the way then it's fine. 

Natclare, I can see you're busy as ever ;-)

Russki


----------



## some1

Natclare - has Mr Natclare got married then?  Hope Mr Poppins does turn out to be the one and you don't feel gutted about Mr Natclare for long  

Some1

xx


----------



## missowen

I'm very shy natclare. 

No I can't compete with natclare tincat but you go girl - throw enough mud as they say. Now for another cheesy sayin.....

The cause of true love never runs smoothly Russki.

My story - was with a man, thought he was the 1 until I met someone else. Fell head over heels...... thought that only happened in the movies! neither fella wants me now  

interested in net dating. Even thinkin of batting for other side so fed up with men


----------



## RusskiHope

Don't be shy missowen,

My profile is actually on one of the popular dating site as we speak and it attracts loads of weirdos as expected. 

I was engaged in a conversation with one of the guys, let's call him Saffie, and all was going well till he told me that he was still married! Ha ! Knob!

I've got enough married men here doing all sorts away from their wives without having any shame whatsoever! 

Missowen, I wonder if men think the same, ie batting for other side as fed up with us, women!? Hahaha


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

It seems these married men are not just after single women for NSA encounters. My friend is a gay man and on various gay mens popular sites and is often inundated with propositions from 'straight' married men wanting a little something different even asking if they can bring their wife's clothes over.  He has met up with some of these men.


----------



## missowen

That a shame, net dating not working for u Russki but ur surely not given up on J? I thought you said he was smitten? I would pursue that instead.

Hm heart J J 1 heart - what depressing news and just feeds into most gay men's belief that all men are secretly gay


----------



## Tincancat

Ah confirms what I have come across.  Men I meet are either gay or married, if not they are weirdos.  What has happened to all the real men??
TCC x


----------



## missowen

You forgot the ones who are gay and married (2 a woman) tin cat  

Whats your idea of a real man then?


----------



## Tincancat

Yep forgot those too.  

A real man is one who does man things such as fixing things, being a little romantic, being thoughtful, being positive and generally making me feel a bit special now and again.  
TCCx


----------



## Blondie71

Haha Natclare I rmis-read your date 110 as: Mr primary teacher - 1 date, wonderful, no dick    almost spat my coffee then I re-read and it was no CLICK loooooool

Ps missowen you'll prob get asked plenty of times once you're a mum thru SMC if you're batting for the other side as some people automatically assume we must all be lesbians anyway


----------



## missowen

If people r gonna think that anyway - maybe I should give it a go blonde


----------



## Blondie71

Haha go with whatever floats your boat missowen


----------



## A Burning Desire

Well I have just been through this whole thread from start to finish (ok, over a couple of evenings) and found it really interesting. I have been on the page that says I can't cope with the complication of dating and ttc at the same time (and still not convinced) but it is really lovely to see you ladies going out there and fighting for what you want  

I have had a couple of short experiments in the friends with benefits arena, but am not entirely sure I am cut out for that kind of thing - it's the complete lack of romance that starts me questioning whether I can be bothered. Plus it'd be better if they were able to lay out the ground rules properly at the start, but even if we're clear it is just a bit of   there still seems to be so many opportunities for misunderstanding about the rules of engagement (actually, make that sudden shifts in the rules of engagement without warning, but then why would NSA be any different from normal. Men huh!)
Anyway one guy was lovely and I have a standing offer from him, I just don't want to tell him about my ttc journey (he is from work) so I called it off way before I started treatment, so we wouldn't have to have any awkward moments if I then rock up pregnant  

Typical of my timing I have then had, what I suspect is, a nice guy show some interest and I don't know what to do. Just friendly so far, so might be all in my imagination and come to nothing, but we've talked quite a lot over the couple of times we have met. He is in a social group of mine where I wasn't planning on telling them my news until there was definitely some news to tell. My reaction to any other fella would be to just be open from the outset but I suspect, from some things he's said about being hurt in the passed, that he'd find it all a bit overwhelming


----------



## BroodyChick

AB Desire, I've had nothing but positive reactions from new guys I shared my journey with at the start of getting to know them, I'd say bring it up within 2-4 dates.
Any guy you date (unless you have a thing for toyboys? ) would have something to contribute on the subject of children, however you want to bring it up. It may give him the opportunity to share something about his own life and opinions, don't skirt around the issue longer than necessary!
You don't want to be in a situation where a guy just assumes you don't want kids, or have 'left it too late' when you are actively planning ttc.
A few years ago I went on a few dates with a guy who subsequently confessed in a text he has a 10 year old daughter (no idea why he didn't bring her up during our dates but it would have made for much more interesting and meaningful conversations). When trying to meet a co-parent I also got to know one guy who said he had one daugher, later it turned out it was twins... what I mean to say is guys worry too about being judged or seeming less appealing (?) due to the fact they have/want/don't want kids, so be brave and try to be the first one to have an honest chat! you have nothing to lose. I'd make sure he knows it's in confidence and not to be shared with the wider group, I am sure he'd understand x


----------



## A Burning Desire

Thanks for your reply BroodyChick. It wasn't so much whether to tell him (assuming we get to dating) but the when, given I don't want everyone to find out. I suppose we just see what happens, as I say he may only be interested in being friends and I guess I'd be mad to assume he'd immediately run a mile and so push him away without giving him the chance to decide for himself. 
If it wasn't for this forum I am inclined to think I would have tended towards the latter and then spent the next few months regretting that decision (I like to over think things, a lot  ).


----------



## RusskiHope

A Burning Desire, 
I totally understand where you come from as myself was debating whether to tell the guy about my plans or not. And Broody Chick put the sense into me by saying what's there to lose?! why does it always have to be about men and what they want! 
What about us?! So if I tell him I want a baby but he doesn't and he doesn't want to hang around as I'm doing this as a SMC (all hypothetically speaking right now), then jog off! It's about what we want! We shouldn't worry what about what they might think or feel when we tell them about IUI etc 
Ok, I admit I was worried about that with the last date but things didn't progress anywhere and so I actually never revealed anything. And I was worried because we work in the same Iraqi town and everybody knows everyone and I didn't want anyone to find out my plans. 

Hopefully it works out for you the way you want it to. Keep us posted. 

Russki


----------



## missowen

A burning desire you think to much if u don't mind me saying. Something tragic happened to me that made me realise life can be short and unpredictable and u shouldn't let any chance for happiness pass u by. So even tho I'm very shy I told mr head over heels how I felt. didn't get the answer I wanted but have no regrets!

So u should do whatever u won't regret a burning desire.


----------



## A Burning Desire

You're right I do over think things and I'm a bit too used to disappointment, when it comes to men!
Thank you for your thoughts and stories ladies. I will see what the future brings.


----------



## natclare

Good luck Burning Desire!

Some1 yes Mr Natclare married, pleased for him of course, doesn't make it any easier.

Tincancat - No they are not all gay, weird or married! I meet lots of lovely people but finding the one for you is harder than them just not being gay/weird/married!

Anyway, The List:

98. Mr Vin Diesel - visited in Brussels but not a prospect
104. Mr Poppins - 5 dates. Old girlfriend got in touch, he chose her not me  
109. Mr Cessna - 1 date. Still too old damn it
112. Mr PG - 3 dates. Possible
113. Mr Six Foot Six - 1 date. No
114. Mr Entertainer - 3 dates. Simply wonderful.
115. Mr Train Driver - 1 date. Learnt loads about trains but a no!
116. Mr Cyclist - 3 dates. Adorable
117. Mr Littlehampton - 1 date. No

And that concludes the shipping forecast for today. x


----------



## RusskiHope

Natclare is determined as ever. 

And here's my little update. After nothing came out with J which turned out that he was still living with his ex under the same roof! What a messed up person and completely wasted my time. 

Anyway, since my profile was still on this particular dating site, I decided to lower my preference age and hey presto, I got engaged in a communication with this adorable young man of 39. We hit off on emails instantly, exchanged the numbers and continue our chats on ********. And a couple of days ago we had our first video chat. All the major points have been covered, i.e who wants what out of life. He's ok with a marriage and definitely wants child/children. Aha! and here's my dilemma. Well, I haven't told him anything about my plans as I thought I'd bring it in person when I'm back in London. We are yet to meet in a flesh! 

I'm due in London in 3 weeks, see how we are getting on till then.

Russki


----------



## BroodyChick

Sounds promising, good luck Russki! Sorry to hear about J and his 'ex' - you see, loads of people have secrets they don't share on a first date...


----------



## Tincancat

Wey to go Russki
Keep us updated!
TCC x


----------



## natclare

Russki - sounds wonderful and - yes - little Miss Determined here is plodding along. I maybe wouldn't bring up your plans in date 1 but just say you do really want to have children.
Good luck!


----------



## HopeShines78

Hello ladies - have been watching this post - am single and internet dating . too. Am up to No 57. 

So - to tell or not to tell - I say tell.

I recently have had several dates with a great guy who has 2 kids. He knows I want kids and would love to have a family with me as he really likes me. Sadly I see him more as a pal - so have to move on. BUT - I think when you tell the RIGHT type of guy - they love the idea of having a family and start dreaming about that possibility. But if the guy is NOT thinking of family then yup, that concept would probably scare him off - but better sooner than later

Lots of love
x


----------



## RusskiHope

And so I met my lovely young man sooner than expected as I got evacuated out of Iraq on Sunday and finally landed back in London on Monday. We met on Tuesday and it was very very good! We clicked on ******** and emails and FaceTime and finally we met and it felt good. We're meeting up again on Sunday. We're on the same page and will see where it takes us. I don't even know when I'm going back to Iraq so will try to spend some time with this young man ;-) let's call him D.


----------



## Tincancat

Hehe Russki have fun 
TCCx


----------



## RusskiHope

Thanks TCC! I'm not hopeful as been hurt in the past too much and quite frankly, very scared to even feel anything or open up the way to my heart etc 
But will see how it goes, I still gave time to decide on my first IUI which I was originally planning in December. 
How are things with you? How are you feeling so far! 
Russki


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Russki 
I can understand how you feel I'm similar too and probably miss out because I don't open up and be honest.  However equally never wanted to scare them away.  I'm feeling fat, round and frightened of coping.  I have very little prepared as I can't quite get my head around it might really happen and I will have real live babies soon.
TCC x


----------



## RusskiHope

Awww TCC, sending you big hugs! Are your parents supporting you? If not financially but morally? And your friends? I do hope so?! I think I'd be absolutely petrified if I fell pregnant with twins. You're one brave lady!


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Russki 
No parents support but do have some friends support, if somewhat scattered across the UK so I plan on moving after they arrive.  Brave doesn't come into it....stupidity might having more than one embryo put back!.  Last chance go for me so i threw everything at my last cycle thinking what the heck it won't work.  But hey even a single embryo transfer can split and give two.  
TCC x


----------



## RusskiHope

Little update from Ibiza....
Met D for the second time around on Sunday, everything went well and on Monday morning I woke up to his text saying that he ps selling his house and going travelling for god knows how long for and may not return and he's got some other issues which he didn't want to share! Wtf!!!! 
What is wrong with people nowadays! 

At the same time when D contacted me I got also a message by this particular man , let's call him S. So D is 39 and S is 51! 
And in my emails to S I immediately told him that I was planning an IUI etc and he said he didn't have a problem with it etc etc but then we never took it off as I was preoccupied with D. 
S is back on the picture for some reason and I have lengthy conversations with him about IUI and having a baby on my own, and he's absolutely not fazed by it all. We are yet to meet. And that would be next Tuesday.

Will keep you posted. 

Russki


----------



## RusskiHope

Natclare,
What's new in your dating world? Anything exciting to report? 

Russki


----------



## Tincancat

Oh Russki I'm intrigued to find out what happens with A.

Natclare yes we need another shopping forecast.  

Burning and Hope what's happening for you? 
TCC x


----------



## RusskiHope

TTC, you mean S. 
I'm also intrigued, curious more than anything. 
He's the only person I opened up to. Don't know what it is about him but I told him that in my very first reply. Maybe it's his maturity. We are yet to meet. 
I'm trying to have a video chat with him before Tuesday 
Will keep you posted. 

Ps on and D sent a hi texted. Wanted to know if I was enjoying the sunshine and again apologised for not taking it further with me. Wtf !!!


----------



## Tincancat

Sorry yes I meant S.  Good luck 
TCC x


----------



## A Burning Desire

Hello Ladies, I have just got back from holiday (not put FF on my work smart phone as I'm am bit paranoid to ensure they don't find out about my plan prematurely, so just now catching up on the thread  )
What can I say Russki, I'm with you on the double wtf!! Why go on a dating website and a first date if you're going to decide you're off travelling?
I think that's why I'm not even going near any dating sites while I'm still trying to put my plans into action.
TCC - It is healthy to be a little intrepid about having twins but I'm convinced the other SMC of twins wouldn't go back and you'll have a ready made family to show for all the effort you have put into ttc . If you'd ever like to hear someone say they'd love to be in your shoes, then I am here  (that is not meant facetiously, or any subtext for stop moaning, I mean it honestly, it is fine for you to be worried and come here to air and get support for your worries, but I would also swap in a heartbeat (and I reserve the right to have a fret still if I get to where you are too one day ))

As for my update, well... I'm not sure what (if anything) is going on with the young man I was speculating about when/if to tell. We are in a social group so I kind of know where to find him. The group meets weekly and organises itself via social networking or group (bcc) emails. He is not on the networking site so no way to casually message him (which would have been something I'd be up for doing) and I've been reluctant to do any overt chasing, cos of my reservations about making the initiation moves and then dumping a big pile of OMG on his head a couple of dates in 
He more or less goes every week, I don't manage that but we spend a lot  of time together talking whenever I do go (in fact, I'd go as far as to say we seek each other out). It is clear we get on well and we've covered a lot of subjects, just not whether he is looking for a relationship (and if so whether that can include me ). I plucked up the courage to ask if he'd missed me while I was on holiday, but that is as far as I've got (flirting isn't a strength!). Also wimped out of a perfect opportunity to ask about him wanting kids, cos I didn't know how to handle the potential reverse question back to me.
So that is me, too much thought but no actual action haha


----------



## RusskiHope

And so I ended talking to S on the phone on Sunday for four hours! And then we met for the first time on Monday morning. Hmmmm, we then met in Tuesday and spent all day together. And meeting up tomorrow. Hmmm I've got mixed feelings about him, I must admit. I've openly told him about choosing the SMC route. Told him what I've done so far about it etc still maintaining that I'll stick to my choice/decision. I think I'm saying that to him because I don't think he's the one could change my mind about it. I feel he'll be very good as a friend and plod along as I'm sticking to my choice. I know and feel he's into me more than I'm into him, unless he's grown on me. Hmmmm

Russki


----------



## BroodyChick

Some interesting updates! Remember ladies, your decision to be an SMC primarily affects you and not your dates - if they told you they had a certain plan in their lives (unless it was to ordain as a priest or have a sex change) you wouldn't expect them to change their plan for you, would you?
Who is to say your Mr right may not have kids already, or be infertile? In those cases you getting preggers without their input may even work to the advantage of your relationship, as it did for me x


----------



## Tincancat

Have you seen him again Russki? 
TCC x


----------



## RusskiHope

Yes, I have, TCC. 
And still chatting on Skype and ********. And even today he told me how much he liked me. I'm absolutely petrified to get involved with someone. And if falls apart? Time is not on my hands, I don't have luxury of it. He wants a family's and he's 51! 
My very close gay friend met him too! And really liked S and could see potential there between him and I. I like him too but scared.

What are you thoughts, I wonder? 

Russki

Ps. And D resurfaced as well! But he still has his plans for travelling!


----------



## HopeShines78

Hi TinCat

Thanks for asking!

I am all good and still hopefully I will meet my Mr Right online / offline - somewhere!

My lovely male pal is still in the picture -as a friend - he is so wonderful but just don't feel the connection. Such a shame as he would love a baby or two with me to compliment the two boys he already has.

Met a lovely man at the station the other day - I really thought - he could be the one - daft as I only spoke to him for a short while but having been on over 70 dates and NOT felt anything like what I felt for this man -maybe just maybe this is an instinct - watch this space - 

Hope you are well xx


----------



## Tincancat

Hopeshines - sounds good so you had better have an update for us.

Russki I would be inclined to carry on with your donor plans.  Its too early to see him as potential bio father but he could still be involved if the relationship develops.  I have seen the mess that can happen with a solo mum going with a Dad for her child because she thought he would make a good Dad based on the fact he already doted on his first son.  He wants little to do with his new son now they have split up and she can't even bring child back to UK with legal challenges for past 2 years.  Using a donor means you will always have your independence should anything not work out with S and it has the plus of less emotional tug of war for any child.

Burning - have you built up the courage to move things forward with the regular attender at your group?

TCCx


----------



## RusskiHope

S confirmed today that he would definitely be around if/when I decide for IUI/IVF, he would like to be a part of it and build a relationship. And if all going well have our own child etc but regardless he's sticking around. He's going to be 52. He's  all about familie, stability etc he wants it all and is a real provider. He's very deep and philosophical, very serious and quiet kind of person. 

Then D resurfaced, he's 39, selling up his home and planning to travel for a bit. He doesn't know my plans. He's easy going. I'm attracted to him. Having a laugh and jokes which I kind of struggle having it with S. Not sure when he travels and how long for etc

Who would you go for, I wonder or is it a no brainer here? 

Russki


----------



## Tincancat

S does sound the reliable sort and might be the one to stick around and be reliable.  However would you get bored with him?  Can you see yourself with him if you didn't have kids?

D sounds fun and perhaps not who you need at this time in your life with the plans you have?
TCC x


----------



## Flutter74

Hi 

i certainly agree with tincat but i bet the desire is with d. everyone loves a funny guy with whit charm n looks.

Why cannot life be simple?! 
stick with s and see what happens. your not changing your plans so no harm done 

Xx


----------



## RusskiHope

TCC and Flutter, thanks for your replies. S certainly has charm and looks and fit for his age ad very active. He rode his motorbike with his best mate in 18 countries in 17 days! 
I can see myself travelling with him, doing things together, have intellectual conversations and have a laugh, although needs to bring it out of him. He's a bit quiet and reserved but we can shake him up a bit haha 

As for D, what can I say, this cheeky Irish chap! Yes, he's cheeky and fun but what about fundamentals and all that "heavy" stuff? What do we know about that? 

I'm flying back to Iraq today so we'll see how the 5 weeks away (my rotation) pans out with S. And D.

Will keep you posted.

Ps did I tell you that S booked a day trip to Paris when I'm back from Iraq. Sweet or what!


----------



## Flutter74

Aw that lovely! Something to look forward too! 

Have a safe journey back & look forward too hearing from you. 

glad one of us is dating at least. mine certainly on hold but who knows what around the corner! 

X


----------



## RusskiHope

Thanks Flutter, 
Well, since I'm not doing anything about IUI/IVF yet, thought might as well talk to people. And it's very lonely in Iraq. I'm surrounded by married men or men in relationships who are looking for fun. I'm fed up with it. So I turned to online dating. 

How's your big BFP doing? How are you feeling? 

Russki


----------



## Flutter74

Oh exactly i dated until embryo transfer but sadly no one worth sticking around for. think its good to have two plans! 

My pregnancy been up and down. bleeding severe sickness and water infections. I've hit the 12wk milestone and have scan Tuesday. both nervous n excited! 

Xx


----------



## RusskiHope

Yes, I am a woman with a plan! Or two...or three ;-)

Oh wow, Flutter, how exciting! Happy for you! Keep us posted.

Sometimes i wish it was happening for me right now but it's hard at the moment as working in Iraq is stressful enough and what's with the recent evacuation. 
See how I feel going back and working this rotation, then will re-evaluate the situation.

Russki x


----------



## Flutter74

I can only imagine what its like out there. just take good care of yourself 

this maybe a good time if you think about s much.....heart can grow fonder with distance. 

Xx


----------



## RusskiHope

Thanks, Flutter,
Yes, I think about him and I know he'll be around as long as I want him to.
I know he could be my rock as he's all about stability, security and assurance. Hmm a lot to think about while I'm away.

Russki x


----------



## Tincancat

Ooh Russki he does sound so sweet booking a day trip to Paris.  I do so hope it works out for ypu. 
Take care in Iraq 
TCC x


----------



## BroodyChick

I know I'm repeating myself girls, but nothing works better to get your priorities right when it comes to dating than using 'The Four Man Plan' by Cindy Lu.
All of those guys you meet have their own advantages and shortfalls, you need a PLAN to work out who's most compatible with what you want!
It's all well and good meeting someone who'd be 'good to travel with, for example, but travels on a motorbike with a baby are kind of limited...  x


----------



## RusskiHope

Hahaha since I haven't decided on my treatment time due to various reason, it doesn't harm to be entertained by S in the meantime and my rotation will fly by quickly too

Russki

PS still sticking to my original plan of going solo


----------



## Flutter74

Broody chick you are so right!


----------



## Flutter74

Russki 

Have you arrived safe n sound?  Xx


----------



## Tincancat

Hey Russki pleased you are sticking to it solo and as you say you can have some fun with S in meantime.  
TCC x


----------



## Flutter74

Tcc 

it eased Fri n sat now flared up again. been in hospital twice with it! Fed up. 

how's your pregnancy going? Im 12wks today n scan tomorrow Xx


----------



## RusskiHope

Safe and sound in Iraq! Nice and sunny there! And hot!
And it is safe around here. But feeling funny about it all. 

S is very much around me. We're not talking about my IUI/IVF plans as we both established our positions and just getting on with stuff. 

Flutter, sorry to hear about your sickness. Good luck with your scan tomorrow   

Russki x


----------



## Flutter74

Russki 

glad your ok! hope nxt 5weeks go smoothly! 

s seems keen if he communicating with you regular n you have paris to look forward to! 

nervous but excited about scan......im sure everything will b fine. think positive ay?? 

Xx


----------



## Flutter74

Just a quickie......scan went well. pretty awesome Xx


----------



## RusskiHope

Hi Flutter, so so happy for you! 
Thanks for letting us know.

Work is fine, we're safe. S is around. And D too. 
S is more serious about things. And D is just hoping to go travelling soon. 

Well, will keep them going till I return. Who know who will still be around 5 weeks later.  

Russki


----------



## Flutter74

Russki 

glad your ok!  


def nice distraction too! The weeks will fly by! 

Xx


----------



## Tincancat

Good news Flutter 

Russki you sure have your head screwed on right there!  Sticking to your solo plans and if S.joins you in your journey later then that's great. 

AFM twin 2 is in trouble and growth being compromised by poor blood flow in cord.  I've known for a while and it's taking me a bit to get my head around things.  No treatment available just a wait and see over the next few days.  Too early delivery him with his very small.size and probable damage already done.  Early delivery will put the bigger boy in.danger.  Tough position to be in.
TCC x


----------



## Flutter74

Tcc 

sorry to read about twin 2. what options have they told u? What a worry Xx


----------



## A Burning Desire

Oh no Tincancat, that does sound really hard. Sending you hugs   and wishes   
xx


----------



## Tincancat

Thanks Flutter & Burning.  Basically stark reality is deliver both and risk losing both due to extreme prematurity and small.size.  Or continue to allow my second boy to mature.  Going.for option 2.  Such a tough decision.
TCC x


----------



## RusskiHope

oh TCC, so sorry to hear about twin 2!!! I can't just imagine what you're going through and to make that decision!!! so tough and hard on you! 
sending you big    Hang in there!    

Russki xx


----------



## Flutter74

Hi Tcc 

i just pray everything ok. its v early to deliver..tough call. 
hope your being monitored & your supported. 

Xx


----------



## Tommi

TCC, thinking of you. So very tough.
Xx


----------



## Tincancat

Thanks Tommi, Flutter, Russki and Burning
Taking each day at a time.  Perhaps I should have stuck to internet dating 
TCC x


----------



## RusskiHope

haha Internet dating! forget it! Look at me! now I can't decide between two men. haha must find a third person! 
but glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humour, TCC! big   

Russki x


----------



## Flutter74

Russki 

third......we won't be able to keep up lol. 
how's work? 

Xx


----------



## RusskiHope

hahaha D is nice and sweet and easy going, S is serious, deep and philosophical. I need a bit of both thrown into the third person! haha

I wonder what happened to natcare? 

It's nice and sunny and still hot here. Work is busy but safe. Phew....

Flutter, how are things with your teeny tiny mini you?

Russki x


----------



## Flutter74

Wish we could clone a man we like n ticked all the boxes! 
Glad your safe! 

We are both fine! Sickness has eased significantly which is making life alot easier. i don't think its sunk in that Im pregnant! 

I am going cornwall nxt week. hopefully weather stays like this. we are being blessed in the uk at the mo! 

Xxxx


----------



## RusskiHope

Fingers and toes are crossed for you, Flutter! 
I think the reason I'm delaying treatments as I'm scared to find out I'm pregnant! how silly!
We spent all our teens and 20s wishing for not getting pregnant and now we're working so hard on getting pregnant! 
funny old world! 

yes, I hear it's nice in the UK at the  moment and it will continue being warm here till late October. Happy days! ;-)

Russki


----------



## Flutter74

Your completely right! I certainly took my fertility for grant. 

no don't sound silly.....i was v anxious during treatment especially the 2ww
when i had bfp i virtually had a panic attack. unsure if excitement or fear! But mainly shock as we prepare ourselves for  a negative result 

xxxx


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Girls
single again since my partner decided to indulge in a midlife crisis and walked out on Saturday...
Watch this space for more dating tales (if I can be bothered...)!x


----------



## RusskiHope

Broodychick, so sorry to hear about your man! 
You've always advised us to stick to our own plans and I'm firmly sticking to it regardless of D and S still lurking and sniffing around   

Sending you big hugs 

Russki xx


----------



## Blondie71

Men come and go eh but you'll always have your kids  have to say I'd like a man but with twins he'd be settling for scraps with me at the min as just don't have time to give to a new relationship tbh

Hope your not too upset broodychick it makes you feel so down and exhausted when break-ups occur


----------



## Flutter74

Oh broodychick how are you? I can see why we do this solo! 

Russki you stick to your plan hunni! 

Blondie......relatuonship will happen..
...i keep thinking that. we are beautiful strong women 

xxxx


----------



## sgee

Hey Broody.. Sooo sorry to hear that ... Hope you are ok... Take care x


----------



## BroodyChick

Yeah it's a horrid situation to be in. Because DP is DS' step dad it is horrifying to know he can just turn his back without any repercussions or taking responsibility.
I'm assessing my finances this week because I need a plan for when maternity pay stops. No offence but I'd never planned to be a single parent to a child (hence co-parenting as first option and when this looked unlikely I was reassured to have a supportive step parent in my DP). It may be easier to be a single mum when you have family support or live in a cheaper part of the world but on my income I always knew I'd need another parent (as well as for emotional support of course).
So as well as being heartbroken and angry this left us in a bit of a mess. Keeping busy with friends and speaking to my mum daily helps a bit...


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## natclare

Wow this thread has really taken on a life of its own. First off, BC really hope things work out for you and sending best wishes. TCC, sent my love on another thread but again .. thinking of you my lovely. Russki it all sounds positive with S and I would stick with him, he sounds wonderful to me. So I have been quiet because I met someone, well in actual fact a few people. Isn't it funny that you wait for ages and then 3 come along at once, like buses?! I've let most of my profiles expire for now.

114. Mr Entertainer - Many dates. Fantastic
116. Mr Cyclist - 5+ dates. No from him.
118. Mr Racing Car - 5+ dates. Allergic to my cat is the biggest issue.

So in a bit of a conundrum. Mr Entertainer is just fantastic, but he is also a widower of only 6 months so that is more than a bit tricky. I am not pushing anything there but we are spending a lot of time together, share hobbies, and seeing how things go. I have literally never laughed so much my whole life and think he is just fantastic. Mr Cyclist eventually decided to call it a day, to be honest I was quite glad as juggling 3 men was getting difficult and I was super relaxed about that (maybe too relaxed!). Mr Racing Car is a real dependable sort, but he is completely allergic to my cat so I am ambivalent. This means he will never be able to come to my house - err how would that work? - but he is nice. I'm feeling a bit odd about seeing two people seriously-ish as Mr Entertainer is meaning increasingly more to me. We shall see how it all goes. Certainly with work, running and love life I'm a pretty busy girl. I also have my Plan B up my sleeve so all told I am ok.


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## RusskiHope

Awwww here she is! thought you met someone that's why went all quiet on us. But it turns out you've been a little bit too busy! you go, girl and keep us posted! as for S, hmm, he's not my "thing", really. Every time we have a chat, he thanks me for it and I feel like I had an interview especially when he concludes with...well, that's it from me for now. Seriously?! Jesus! 
His age still puts me off slightly (he's 52), he knows all about my IUI plans and is wanting to be a part of it. He's got 2 grown up kids and with my being a mum for the first time I feel I might feel inadequate around him. Hmmm not sure. 

I'm still very much drawn to D, regardless of his travelling plans etc. And I told him about my IUI plans on Friday! he took it very well and wants to know more about it and is genuinely interested. He's likes me alot, he says and sends reassuring messages that I haven't scared him off with my revelations and that he's still very much here. Awwww

So we will see.

Russki


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## Blondie71

It does suck BC but one consolation at least he left when your son is thankfully too young to be damaged by somebody abruptly walking out on him, however being left high and dry when you've just given birth that is bound to be scary for you both financially and support-wise    Assume your donor co-parent pays child support? Would a move to a cheaper town and different job be an option for you maybe closer to any relatives?


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## Tincancat

Hey Nat I had missed your updates. 

Russki you getting bored already with S? - I did think that could happen!

Broody you are so better out of it sooner rather than later with your little one here now.

Thanks to everyone who has sent best wishes on my other thread - just playing the waiting game now to see if he makes it to 32 weeks as that might change things.
TCCx


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## RusskiHope

I don't get bored with men/people in general, it's just I feel we're so different. I kind of struggle with him. There's no laugh or jokes or fun chats. Hmm, I don't know. It's so hard to get to know someone through ******** and occasional Skype chats. 

Everything feels so hard at the moment, work, personal life, finding a carer for my mum while I'm miles away. 

Anyway, TTC, hope it's going to be ok at your next scan.

Russki x


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## Blondie71

Russki my motto with men is if it doesn't click for me right away it ain't gonna click ever, think you are in that position now better to cut and run than waste your time, plenty more out there


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## RusskiHope

Thanks Blondie, I also live by the same motto or trying as I'm too nice to let people down and I was still trying to see if there was anything about S I'd consider etc it's hard to know these things especially being 3,000 miles away. 
But anyway will let him down gently..

D told me about his good intentions with regards to myself, that he wants to get to know me even better, emotionally and physically and hear all about my IUI/IVF/ICSI plans. Awwww  

Russki x


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## Tincancat

Oooh Russki.  Be careful with D.  D for dangerous ground? Or D for delightful? 
TCCx


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## RusskiHope

Delightful but let's live it dangerously too. Hahaha

Seriously though, no S, D or any other letters in alphabet will stop me of having my own plans. And as for their wishes of being involved or not that's a different story. I won't let anyone willy nilly into my life and life of my little Viking

Russki xx


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## Heidi33

Hi ladies 

Never posted on this thread before!

Well I'm due to have my second IUI with donor sperm in 2 weeks and if it doesn't work ill have my 3rd shortly after. I'm really happy and excited about my plans.

I've been on a dating sits for years with no sucess, I just keep my profile up for a bit of entertainment really! I've not had sex for years and not been on a date for 2 years! So imagine my surprise when a cute guy messaged me on the site and we have arranged to meet for drinks on Sunday! If this was any other time I'd be delighted but I'm really in 2 minds about the whole thing - it's v bad timing. A large part of me is considering cancelling or at least hoping - if I do go - that I don't like him lol. Regardless, I'm determined to still plough ahead with my plans!!


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## natclare

Russki - Go with your gut, I always do!

Tin can cat - my lovely I am praying for you and the little one to hang on in there xxx

Heidi - Go go go go!! You will have fun and it will be fine x


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## BroodyChick

Thanks Girls!
Who knows what will happen in my case.(ex) DP has text me again last night, expressing a hope to talk soon (?) so I am expecting his call (??). I didn't reply. In the meantime I've updated my Tinder profile and started talking to a nice doctor and a tall Scandi guy.

Heidi, wow that's great news! Why not have a nice date? It can only help your state of mind, and we know how important a happy disposition is to a positive outcome of treatment. So wishing you a lovely time and best of luck with your treatment. If at some point in the future he expresses surprise at your plans, buy him a copy of 'The Backup Plan' on DVD xx


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## Heidi33

Lol @ Broody. I love that movie.

Feck it - I'm just gonna go. He's taking me to a cocktail bar so it's a night out if nothing else. If things work out and we start dating AND I get a BFP...well I dunno!

Broody - have you split with your DP?


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## BroodyChick

TCC - just been reading your thread and keeping my fingers crossed for you and the twins. Hopefully it will all work out for the best. You will love your babies no matter what, but looking after two and potentially one who has additional health challenges won't be easy, so I am praying you have lots of love and support right now and in the future. xxx

Heidi  - I am not sure exactly what has happened. For the past 8 weeks or so he seemed to be going through a depression or midlife crisis, and he moved out a week ago after a very brief argument. I am still numb with shock and haven't spoken with him.

On the other hand, I really don't feel like looking back. We had a very disappointing sex life and I think I deserve something much better. Although it's tough right now, I miss him and love him still obviously but I don't think I will have trouble meeting someone else in the future. Ideally someone with money and a decent libido!!


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## Heidi33

Awww Broody sorry to hear that buy perhaps its for the best. Do you want to spend the rest of your life having bad sex? Glad you are getting yourself out there again. Chin up! Your wee boy is gorgeous! X


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## Heidi33

Well I went on the date on Sunday and annoyingly really liked him! However, I don't think he's interested as I haven't heard from him since. In a way I'm relieved as it makes my life a lot less complicated! Am due for my next IUI some time next week - eeeek.


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## BroodyChick

That's a shame Heidi, but well done for getting out there! 
Best of luck with your Iui. Exciting times!!

On a positive note, an ex has got back in touch (well it sort of finished before it really started but I quite liked him 2 years ago) and asked me and baby on a date!
He really disappointed me when I first got close to him though so I'm not getting too excited. Still it was nice to feel wanted and he apologised for his poor behaviour. He was experiencing some life changes and health issues at the time... Darn men for being such awful Multi taskers!

Very sadly I also heard something upsetting from a friend of my ex DP; he said that he told him he 'didn't feel anything for my little baby' and this is just so devastating... How can a guy support his partner thru FET and pregnancy and a very difficult birth, only to not bond with the baby?? Seems like not everyone is cut out to be a dad to a donor child


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## Flutter74

heidi 
that a shame about date but think positive like ya said. you start your tx next week & that what important. 
please keep us posted & massive good luck!!! 

broody chick. 

your post made me angry. why go through all that for a so call friend to tell you that! 
its v low & you & lo deserve alot more than someone like him. 
i know you love / loved him but in time the hurt Will heal. 
im so sorry you have experienced this. i ws seeing someone & two days before tx he ended just in case it didn't work. 
it hurt like mad but im glad now as he walked awy rather than stick by me. there behaviour not genuine. 
you are bless by being a mum. hold onto that! 

so sorry to rant 


xx


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## RusskiHope

Heidi, good luck with IUI, fingers and toes are crossed for you.  

Broody chick, hope the date goes well although I'm not sure what he really wants from you but yes, it nice to feel wanted and desired again. And so sorry to hear about DP and things he said to this friend. How can anyone put us through this crap? He was with you along the way, through every step and then left you and said these things behind your back! You deserver so much better than him! Sending you big hugs. 

Russki


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## Heidi33

Sorry to hear that Broody - it must hurt but why did your so-called friend have to tell you that? Onwards and upwards I say. Cut all contact. You have something much  more precious in your life than any man anyway  At least you have unconditional love there.

Good luck with your date. You never seem short of male attention and a mum/baby date sounds lovely.


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## BroodyChick

HIS friend told me... I asked if he'd seemed odd to him when they last met up. He replied he was gobsmacked when he heard of our breakup and then he said that my ex had told him that about our baby. Nasty. Anyway I'm keeping busy meeting friends, babies and soon that guy but I'm not getting my hopes up- he doesn't really deserve another chance and he knows it, but at least he apologised and it will be entertaining. 
He grew up with a step dad so perhaps he's a better candidate than my ex anyway...
What else is new girls? Heidi what happened with your guy?


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## Blondie71

Sorry Broody I was a little bit confused when you said in your post "our baby" - I didn't realise you were actually in a relationship with your donor all this time (I thought you had met someone else and he was with you since you were pregnant)  - oh wow thats a very low comment from the actual biological father to say about his own child  so sorry about that


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## BroodyChick

No Blondie, I wasn't with his bio dad ever - but M was ExDP and my baby because he was the most straightforward way for us to have a child. ExDP was with me for the FET and throughout pregnancy! He told me the baby would be loved and planned to adopt him. I don't know what happened to change his mind.


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## RusskiHope

Back from Iraq, safe and sound, thank god for that! 
S is truly ditched. D is going strong. Met him for dinner last night, had a good time. And we're spending this weekend together. Loads to do and talk about ;-)

As for my treatment plans, feeling a bit disappointed with myself. Got a polyp in uterus which is scheduled to be removed end of this month when flying to mums. 

My left tube is closed/blocked and HyCoSy is scheduled for next Wednesday. Once checked, the reccommendations of treatments will be given, and more likely is straight through to IVF. Big blow. 

Also got high homocystein levels, advised to start folic acid and have test for MTHFR. 

Feeling low and down, to be honest.

Wondering if anybody was still trying IUI with one tube closed/blocked? 

Broodychick, how are you doing/feeling? What's the latest with your situation?

Heidi, Blondie, how are things with you?

Russki


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## Tincancat

Hi Russki 
Sorry about your problems but really best to get this sorted before.  I had polyp in endometrium when they went in they.could no longer find It.  As for blocked tube need that checked out because if it's a hydrosalpinx then these can leak toxins causing implantation failure.  I really would just go straight for IVF as IUI has low success rate and with your tube problem it is even further reduced.  Without the tube problems I would have said IUI was worth a try.

What happened with S?  I thought D  off travelling soon 
TCC x


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## RusskiHope

Thanks TCC, the appointment with Dr M has been confirmed for next Wednesday. Will discuss everything and anything. Just feel gutted in a way.

I was never sure about S anyway. He wasn't for me. I just knew it. D is not travelling for a while yet. In the meantime we just carry on chatting while I'm in Iraq and meet up when I'm back here. He's a lovely young man and makes me smile/laugh.

Russki


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## RusskiHope

Morning all, 

Haven't been on site for a very long time. Looking back at our posts, we talked about S and D. Well, I got married to D in July in Vegas. We got it all planned as he was travelling around the world and we met half way and got hitched. There was no Elvis in sight  

Also bought a house in Kent, had a wedding brunch for friends and family last month in London. Still working in Iraq and will start on a baby in December. November is the first anniversary since mum passed away and I'm still grieving and feeling raw. Hence can't start on a family yet. But don't want to leave it till late since I'm approaching 40 rapidly!

Hope all is well with you!

Russki


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## Tincancat

OMG Russki what a lovely update.  So pleased for you.  This journey to be a mummy will be so much easier with D by your side.  You need to change your name now    no longer a solo Russian.
Sorry to hear about your dear Mum tho.
TCCx


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## RusskiHope

Thank you TCC.

D has been wonderful and supportive. A true rock. 

And the fact that he also wanted children made it all easier for us. And the whole process will be come natural which we're very happy about.

I've started taking folic acid and bought myself a book on What to expect....

I'm still in Iraq and will continue working here till we fall pregnant. That's the plan, anyway. 

Changed my name to Hope....well, here's to hoping to become a mummy soon.... fingers and toes are crossed  

Russki


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## Tincancat

Oooh I.do so love to hear happy endings  
TCCx


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## Blondie71

Omg Russki   That's made my day I'm so happy for you I really am   see life can just fall into place, you need to fill that lovely house now!! so get going girl   pls update us with your news if you remember x


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## RusskiHope

Thanks Blondie! and of course I'll keep you updated. Missed being on here. It's been a very sad year for and I'm trying my bestest here to stay positive and look forward to the future with my DH. 

Hope all is well with you? how are the little ones doing? 

I've posted a couple of posts on different sections but no replies yet. Looking for local ladies in Kent, newly pregnant and trying to conceive naturally etc
Hopefully I'll get connected to some in the same boat as me. 

Russki x


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## BroodyChick

Wow Russki, great update! Congratulations  hope the patter of tiny feet isn't too far away. X


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## RusskiHope

Thank you, Broodychick. How's your little one? hope all is well with you? x


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## Damelottie

Russki - lovely news to read. But equally sad about your mum. I'm so very sorry to read that. So glad you had D to support you. 
Good luck with TTC plans xx


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## RusskiHope

thank you Damelottie. 
Still having dreams about mum and going through ups and downs on a daily basis. 
But must stay positive as will be starting TTC from this time onwards and hopefully will announce good news soon! Fingers and toes are crossed!
Russki xxxx


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## Damelottie

Good luck m'lovely xxx


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## anna8

I had a first date with a nice guy this weekend who says on his profile he would like kids. He seems to want to meet again. I'm not sure when/if I should tell him about my plans to freeze my embryos again next February..


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## Tincancat

Hi Anna 
It's only a second date and it's not going to change what you do.  I'd be inclined not to say anything yet.  Perhaps further along nearer to the time you could tell him what you are doing.  Hopefully he'll be.supportive because it's far too early in a relationship to get thinking about embryo banking with him.  Just my opinion.
TCCx


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## miamiamo

Hi there, *russkihope*- look forward to getting great news from you. Keep my fingers crossed. *Anna8* agree with tincancat i think it is too early and the issue is too personal. He might mean only natural pregnancy without any fertility treatment.


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## RusskiHope

Thank you, miamiamo. Hopefully it won't be too long before I shout out!  
Anna, I met D online and from my previous postings you can see I was between S and D but I made a right choice with D. And when we started dating, well, me being in Iraq most of the time, I told him about my solo plans after a couple of months. He was fine with it. What else could he say as it was still new and fresh and we didn't know where we were heading with it all. On his profile said that he wanted to have children, he was 39 (a year older than me), never married, or had his own kids. So we continued dating, long distance, and after a couple of more months, we talked about having our own children. And I was glad we talked about it as I wanted to have it with him. I felt very happy and content. A few months later we got engaged and married in July. 

It's a very personal matter and I'm not sure I could tell D on the second/third date. Just see how it goes. I think.


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