# Dilemma I'm 45



## Peej (Mar 21, 2006)

Hi

I'm brand new to this site, and finding it very helpful. I have a real dilemma.  I have a child conceived taking clomid aged 39, decided at age 43 to try again for a baby, saw consultant who prescribed clomid again with a follow-up appointment.  Started taking the tablets and just freaked out.  Brought back memories of struggle to conceive the first time.  I abandoned the treatment.  We decided last year we would try to adopt.  We are 8 months on and getting nowhere with adoption.  I watched Britains Oldest Mums and Dads programme and was inspired to try again for our own child.  I would like to try clomid again, but would have to go to my doctor for referral and he is involved in our adoption process.  

I feel very confused now, because I want to give it one last chance of having our own child, I know chances are slim, but it does happen.  

Any advise would be appreciated.

PXX


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## fluffy57 (May 19, 2005)

Deer Peej,

You can self refer yourself to a fertility clinic and your doctor need not know.  Just find one in your area.  Perhaps you can go and see a counsellor there is usually one attached to the clinics (its a requirement with Assisted Conception). The pressure of time running out is extremely confusing and stressful. 

Good luck.

Fluffy


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## laraboo (Sep 9, 2005)

Dear peej I know exactly what you mean Im 46 47 in july and before I saw that programme weve been trying with clomid with no success I had a baby aged 44 naturally.
I wont give up till ive exhausted all the options so I think well be going for ICSI not IVF as its 2 expensive I was told that the only" problem" was my age but after seeing that programme it too inspired me to continue wishing you the best of luck
Laraboo


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## joolzj (Mar 29, 2006)

Dear Peej,
Wish I had seen the answer from Fluffy a year ago - it took 6 months to get an appt at the Oxford clinic through my GP! The wait was excruciating as I am also 43. We have decided to try IVF, have been approved and are waiting for our first appt. I really never thought I would agree to IVF as no tests have shown any problems and I just kept thinking, 'it'll happen this month' 'it'll happen this month' (you know what it's like!), but it now seems like our best option by far and I suddenly feel very urgent about it, having to face up to the harsh realities of age affecting fertlility.

If you can possibly afford it and can face the emotional burden, I would advise you to go down that route. At our age, you are more likely to get pregnant through IVF than naturally, as even if you have a good egg reserve and FSH under 9 or 10, we naturally have a lot of eggs (some say half the reserve!) that would not lead to a viable pregnancy due to eg chromosomal abnormalities or poor quality. With IVF, the best eggs and sperm are 'hand-picked' and your uterus lining is given the best chance of maintaining the pregnancy (rates of miscarriage are high in our age group) through extra hormones, so although chances of pregnancy are reduced because of age, the chances are raised if you go through IVF. Of course, there are so many other factors influencing liklihood of implantation, I'm being very simplistic but I think those basic facts are correct. Just thought I should tell you what I've found out as I'm the same age as you and time really is of the essence!
Very good luck to you whatever you decide. You are not alone.
Julia x


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## Plink (Mar 24, 2004)

Hi

I agree with the last poster about chances of conception naturally. I know women conceive after years of ttc but...........
I was advised to have an 'end-point' when using assisted conception (by a nice TCM doctor who said to leave a little time ttc naturally afterwards with the subsequent released 'energy' or chi)

I am interested in ladies who conceive 'donkeys' years later after using no contraceptive for years.....I have been ttc since m/c when dd 2y. (she is just 6 now)

I find it difficult to have an end-point and I have not had a clear answer from any fertility specialist, whether using ivf in late-40's like me carries better chance than ttc naturally.
Has anyone else had advice about that? And any advice on trying to be more philosophical..!  (when neighbours/friends achieve 2nd 3rd pregnancies - except they are younger than self...)

L x


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## nuala (Jul 13, 2005)

Hi Plink,

I was 45 last Nov.  At age 44 I went to The Lister to be investigated and see what our options were.  We had only met 2 years previous and married June 04 and TTC since April 04 (oops not before marriage surely  ).

The first thing I found was how few clinics will even give you an appointment if you are over 43   - I found only 3 in London!!  I opted for the Lister after some research and had 2 shots at IVF.  They were very upfront about the chances at my age (age being the biggest factor against conception) and put it at somewhere between 3 - 5% per cycle.  I responded well on the first IVF, had 3 grad 1 embies replaced but no pregnancy.  Second time response was not great and after being given our options and again the percentages had IUI - agin BFN.

At our review in Jan this year at age 45 we were told that really DE or to try to make our own little miracle were the remaining options.  We knew this really as part of teh care at the Lister is helping you to know your options all along the journey.  They continue to be supportive and gave us their view on clincis overseas based on we are both blue eyed and very fair.

Having said all that I continued doing accupunture, taking horrid chinese herbs, doing yoga and pilates and reducing caffine and alcohol. I also BBT chart, use a Clearblue Fertility Monitor and PreSeed...

We got our first naturaly BFP in Jan 06 just after our review with the Lister.  Sadly it did not stick.  Now two months later I have another BFP but it is too early to know if it will stick so sticky vibes PLEASE!!

I just wanted to share my journey to say as long as you do not have specific IF problems that need IVF - it might well be possible.  If this doesn't stick we will move onto DE.

Wishing you success

Nuala


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Nuala
Sorry to crash in here but I saw your news and just wanted to send you lots of sticky vibes!                

Ellie


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Nuala

Congratulations !!!!      

Fantastic News - Sticky vibes       !!!!!


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## druzy (Jan 25, 2006)

Crashing in too - sending you lots of stick vibes Nuala. 

Druzy

XX


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## nuala (Jul 13, 2005)

Hi Girls,

Wow - thank you sooo much - those sticky vibes mean an awful lot just now.

Well having tested with a faint positive 11 DPO I continued to test and the positives just got stronger and came up faster.  This morning 16 dpo I tested with a clearblue Digital and it came up PREGNANT in about 30 secs!!!  So unbeliveable as it is I really am pregnant!!!  and I'm 45 years and 4 months old.............      We will not tell anyone until 12 weeks or unless they guess just in case there are problems along the way.

I know we have an awful long way to go and the odds are against us (statistically) but hey we beat those to this stage......

Wishing you all your very own BFP's.


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## dianne (Apr 5, 2005)

*Nuala *

            

Love Dianne x


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## Plink (Mar 24, 2004)

Nuala

Thanks for your relevant answer about ttc naturally and ttc with ivf/iui depending on one's response (and congrats!!)
Wishing you congrats and very best of luck in this first trimester to keep going. 

Back to the question, I also do not 'need' ivf either but have had various go's (ivf and GIFT and an IUI) to try to get a +.

I have one daughter conceived easily at 41 delivered at 42y and a m/c aged 44y.

The Lister sound kind also and reasonably optimistic? LFC were not keep to 'repeat' anything after a failed GIFT at 45y (I was just 46) The subsequent treatments (2 ivf London, 1 ivf Cyprus and an IUI here in HK where I had to move after consuilting ARGC) were 'driven' by me.

I know for a fact that I still have ovulatory cycles and tho modest, I have a CM change mid-cycle to match the Persona test.
I have had acupuncture/agnus castus (told to stop that) and wheatgrass.

My FSH has been hovering above 10 (with a couple of odd higher ones )

You may find that conceiving a 1st pregnancy again, (so soon after a m/c) means you have hit a good egg (my reasoning!!) and if there is any truth in my having an immunological reason for not implanting a 2nd pregnancy and carrying (ARGC opinion) that this, your first, should be fine.

I really hope so Nuala, thanks for your helpful answer 

Love Louise x


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## Plink (Mar 24, 2004)

PS

I started Pilates in the last 4 months aswell - so wish me luck!!  

Louise


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## Kazzie (Aug 6, 2005)

Nuala!
you may not remember me but I just wanted to say how thrilled I am about the BFP and am sending 'sticky' vibes into the universe for you!
kazzie x


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## Peej (Mar 21, 2006)

Hi Nuala

I've just logged on after sometime.  I'm so pleased for you, sending positive vibes to you.  Please keep us all posted on progress, gives us 45 ers some hope.  Me, I think I was pg this month, had all the signs, unfortunately had terrible pains last saturday then started to bleed  (days before I was due).  Gives me hope though that I can still conceive naturally.  As you say it's getting it to stick.....

Good luck.....

Love
Peej


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## nuala (Jul 13, 2005)

Just wanted to say thank you for the lovely messages from Peej and Kazzie   

I started week 5 yesterday and so far its a little sticky bean.  Lots ofo unusual things going on with this bod but I feel rather fantastic (except for extreme tiredness that can suddenly hit, some nausea and boobs that hurt even when in bed.......).

Keep going girls - as Dr Wren at the Lister said you can always make your own miracle.

Peej - I had an early mis in Jan and felt it was a very positive sign that the old bod was working in sync - wishing you lots of  

Nuala


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Congratulations on your BFP  wishing you loads of luck with your pregnancy. 
L xx


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## silvermoonflower (Nov 13, 2004)

HI there
Just saw your message and wanted to say hello. 45 is not old at all - it's just our society that makes us think we are. Women are more often than more fertile than they think as they get older. There is a lot of information and help for us nowadays - we just need to look in more positive places for it. I started to use flower essences over 10 years ago to help me through a challenging time in my life (when my Dad died) and since have qualified professionally. The essences have helped me enormously cope with the fertility challenges I have had and most importantly have allowed me to identify much less with the negative portrayal of "old eggs". Nowadays I try very hard to identify with my own body - rather than what labels would be placed on me - and right now I still feel young and able enough to have a baby. I am 48 - whether or not I will I don't know but women of our age - and older - conceive all the time..........

The other great help I have had is through working with a US based psychotherapist called Niravi Payne - you can listen to an interview with Niravi by going to www.myspiritradio.com and finding the WellBeing for Women program. Niravi's message is very inspirational.

Wishing you lots of luck and hope sharing my story helps.
Sara

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