# SQ's adoption journey



## Sq9

We are starting our preparation course tomorrow so I thought it was a good time to start a diary of our adoption journey.  Although we haven't actually had that long to wait to start the course, it feels like forever since we made our first enquiries and had our initial visit.
We've been together nearly 14 years and ttc seriously for about 3. We always had adoption at the back of our minds as how we would create our family, but after nothing was happening month after month we went for tests which showed that ivf was our best option. We had always said that if it was meant to be it would happen and that we wouldn't go down the ivf route, but as I was approaching 40 I felt that I had to explore everything before we gave up on the dream of creating our own child.  It was very easy to get caught up in the treatment process, but I think I always knew it wasn't for us.  After lots of research and Mother Nature giving me a hint with my cycle shortening, we decided treatment wasn't for us and adoption was the way forward.  To say it was like a huge weight had been lifted is an understatement when we came to the decision to stop going down the treatment route.
That was late September.  We went away on holiday and gave ourselves time to make sure we had made the right decision, but I can honestly say it has felt like the right decision from the second we made it.  We did research on who to apply to, talking to people we knew who had adopted, and looking at the facts and figures available and decided to go with our gut instinct and apply to the LA where we live. We made initial enquiries late Nov, had initial visit and open evening in December and were accepted to start the prep course 7th, 8th, 21st and 22nd feb.
We've told close friends and family, and I've had to tell work colleagues because of where I work and i knew i would need their support because my job is a bit too close for comfort sometimes to the adoption process, but have been worrying recently that we've told too many people too soon. We've got a long way to go and although there seems to be no real reason why we shouldn't achieve our goal, I think now that it might have been better to wait until we'd got a bit further through the process before we told so many people. The main problem is from people being so excited for us, particularly hubby's mum which is lovely to see but with so far to go, I'm feeling very uneasy about the whole thing. That said, those we have told have been so supportive and I know they will help us get through the difficult road ahead.
Anyway, I hope I haven't bored to tears anyone reading this with the length of my first post! I'm looking forward to what the future holds and hope that our experiences as they unfold can help others as much as what I have already read on here has helped me.
Good luck everyone


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi sq9

Good luck with your journey honey. Hope you enjoy prep we loved it 

Look forward to reading your updates

Hugs 
Emma xx


----------



## gettina

Hope you get lots out of the course and good luck as you get going. X


----------



## Sq9

Well, we've completed the first 2 days of the prep course and we are completely shattered! So much information to take in.  Yesterday we heard from the same adopter who spoke at our open evening, and his experience of the process, did some group work and heard from a social worker who talked us through how a case goes to court. My job involves the court side of the process and I had to bite my tongue quite a bit through that part, but on the whole it was a good day. There are 5 couples and 1 lady on her own.  Everyone seems really nice and happy to contribute which made things a lot easier.
Today was extremely heavy going and very emotional.  We heard from a couple who have adopted a sibling group of 3.  They were amazing and talked us through how they have been dealing with the individual problems their 7, 5 and 3 year olds have displayed.  We also heard from the la's paediatrician about medical info we will get and the types of medical issues the children will have particularly as a result of alcohol and drug use by birth mother.  
So in all it's been a very heavy couple of days and very emotionally draining, but has given dh in particular a much better understanding of what the children we are likely to be matched with have experienced.  We go and see the sw manager on Wednesday to sign the application then we will officially be prospective adopters!! The second half of the prep course is the week after next then hs starts. It really feels like we are getting somewhere now and reading the diaries and advice on here is very inspiring and shows that dreams do come true.
Have a great weekend everyone
S xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Congratulations on starting prep, and officially starting your adoption journey   It all sounds very good so far, and great you have such support. I was particularly interested to read that you had had a talk from the paediatrician! That sounds a valuable session, I am jealous  

I will look forward to reading as your journey progresses,

Love Lolly


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Welcome and congratulations. I start prep in 15 weeks and cant wait. Glad you've found it so interesting. Good luck for the start of HS x


----------



## Sq9

Thanks everyone.  I'm so glad I've found this site  - all the support and information has made our journey so far a lot easier.  
Well, we went to see the social work manager last night for a chat about the first part of the prep course.  She asked whether there was anything we thought could have been done differently on the course and hubby's response was there should have been Jaffa cakes to have with our tea!! Seriously can't take him anywhere!! It was all good though and we have signed the forms so we are officially prospective adopters now and will hopefully be at panel by the middle of oct at the latest.  All vey exciting but also very scarey.
Hope everyone is doing ok.
Take care xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Fab suggestion from hubby, haha! Can always trust men to think with their stomachs!! Congratulations on officially starting your journey! May it be smooth flowing and positive  xxx


----------



## bluedreams

Not long til your next 2 days of prep.  Cant imagine how exciting/nervewracking it might be at this point for you.  After the ttc roller coaster, it sounds like the adoption process can be just as emotional for everyone involved.  

As for Jaffa cakes - too right, I love 'em!  Good luck xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fab, so glad your official forms are in x


----------



## Sq9

Hello!
We had days 3 and 4 of the prep course yesterday and today.  We heard from a child psychologist yesterday which was really interesting to hear about attachment and that problems around this can be overcome.  We heard from a man today who had been adopted when he was a baby.  His story was fascinating and really highlighted the importance of telling lo's from the start that they are adopted so that it doesn't come as a bolt out of the blue for them when they are older.  He was brilliant and I could have listened to him all day!
We've been allocated our social worker who was one of the workers doing the course so we are pleased we already know her.  Hs starts week after next and we will also be given the date of the panel we will be working towards.  So pleased we get that at the start so at least we have an idea when panel will be.  So it finally feels like we are getting somewhere and that we may actually be parents someday soon.
Hope everyone else is ok and that those waiting for their match find their lo's soon.  They are all out there, but some are not quite ready for us yet.
Have a great weekend - ours may involve a few glasses of wine !!  
S xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic news glad prep went so well x x


----------



## Jacks girl

Sq9 said:


> Thanks everyone. I'm so glad I've found this site - all the support and information has made our journey so far a lot easier.
> Well, we went to see the social work manager last night for a chat about the first part of the prep course. She asked whether there was anything we thought could have been done differently on the course and hubby's response was there should have been Jaffa cakes to have with our tea!! Seriously can't take him anywhere!! It was all good though and we have signed the forms so we are officially prospective adopters now and will hopefully be at panel by the middle of oct at the latest. All vey exciting but also very scarey.
> Hope everyone is doing ok.
> Take care xx


Just told my hubster about the Jaffa cake comment and he said "legend" haha! Good luck with everything xx


----------



## Sq9

Hope everyone is doing ok. What a journey we are on! I get so emotional reading all the posts on here and on the chat thread particularly. Big   to everyone.
Had our first homestudy visit today.  Mainly filling out forms and booking in appointments. We see our social worker every 2 weeks til July and she has pencilled us in for the October panel but fingers crossed might be earlier than that.  Really trying not to get too excited but really starting to feel like we are going to be parents one day soon - eek!! Have a great weekend all xxxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news. Having a date to work to must help focus everything. Glad it went well x x


----------



## Sq9

Happy weekend everyone!
We had the first proper session of our hs yesterday. Basically just talking about our childhoods, what was good, what was bad, families, schooling. It was quite emotional for us thinking back to happy and sad times and we've both had experiences which are apparently good for adoption - good for the adoption process but not so nice when we were going through them! I managed to bake some cookies so hopefully lots of brownie points  
Very early days but I'm finding it difficult not to get carried away and starting to get excited that one day in the not too distant future we may have an addition to our family. One of my best friends has just booked her wedding for June next year and hubby and I had a moment of panic and excitement at the thought that it isn't beyond the realms of possibility that we may be taking a lo with us to the wedding - eek!! Xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Whoop get the high chair on ice just incase wedding venue x


----------



## bluedreams

Haha what a cute thought about the wedding - we had that moment in bed last night when me n the hubby were talking about holidays, we daren't book one next year now JUST IN CASE! haha 

Glad you hs has started off well.


----------



## Sq9

So, session 2 of hs done and dusted.  We talked about support network, health and identity.  We found identity quite difficult because we've never really thought about identity or what makes it up.  Was reassured after talking about health as dh has a minor issue which sw has confirmed not a problem.  Knew it wouldn't be but good to hear that.  Gradually crossing off my list of things that i think might be a problem.  The major one is the next topic which is finance.  Dh not had the best few years being self employed, but the last 6-8 months things have really picked up.  We explained all this at the initial visit and they said wouldn't be a problem, but I will still worry about it til ( ) we go to panel.  I know we can cope financially and we have savings and a lot of equity in our house, but I guess it is a question of wording it right so that the panel are happy with it.  So many hurdles to get over but reading the positive news on hear, it is worth the worry and stress when the end result is completing our family.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.  The sun is actually shining here - whoop whoop!! Had almost forgotten what is looks like!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad it went well. Finance can always be manipulated if needs be my DH says he run a short financial year and get his accountant to put loads of profit through and  no expenses SW's won't dispute an accountant ha ha. Like you we can afford a family we are responsible people just the paper trail is complex x


----------



## Theretofour

I think you may be just head of us it nice to hear some else going through the process to xx


----------



## Frangipanii

Hi Just wanted to wish you luck on your journey!!! Lovely to read about your journey x x x


----------



## Sq9

Another session of hs ticked off on friday. We covered our house, resources in the local area and finances.  I was pleasantly surprised that sw not really bothered about hubby being self-employed and didn't ask to see any details of his income or anything.  She's taken I copy of my payslip so not sure if that is all she needs or whether she'll ask for his proof later.  The next session won't be as easy as it is about our infertility journey and why we want to adopt.  Friday was our 3rd proper session with 5 more to go and although the appointments come round really quickly, it still feels like we've got such a long way to go.  Being patient has never been one of my strong points so lord know what I'll be like if we have a long wait to be matched! We go away on holiday on sat so we don't have another session for 3 weeks so sw going to use the time to start our par.  We have our medicals next week - pre holiday so I won't be too overweight and there won't be much alcohol in my system  . I still can't believe from posts on here that not all LA / va's don't pay for this.  We are clearly very lucky as our LA pays.  It is part of the process and you can't be approved without it so don't understand why they don't pay  . My sister has done her reference and the other 2 are nearly finished so I know we are making a lot of progress, I'm just too impatient.  Feel very emotional at the thought that our lo is ( ) out there somewhere waiting for us.  Sending   to everyone, whatever stage you are at x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

All seems to be flying SQ9 so great news. Have a wonderful holiday last one before your family changes forever exciting times xxx


----------



## Jacks girl

Enjoy your holiday Sq9  love catching up on your news. Have a good one. Mine was certainly a good escapism away from the waiting game. Looking forward to my next one in France in August. Hopefully that will set me up for the next set of challenges. 

 's Brummie xxx


----------



## Sq9

Not been on here much lately as we've been away.  We had a lovely holiday although dh managed to get food poisoning for a couple of days!!  He was a true bloke though and still insisted on few glasses of wine when he was ill, as long as we sat near the loos  . Was completely obsessed with guess the age of the child as lots of young babies / toddlers, wondering if they would be the age we are matched with  . It felt really weird thinking it could be our last holiday as a twosome, and made me keen to get back to hs!
So we had another hs session yesterday and to be honest, although I was really keen to get back into it, I was really nervous about the session.  The topic was why we want to adopt and infertility.  We found the homework quite difficult because it is hard to analyse how we felt when and when we were grieving etc. At the time you just get through the hard times and don't think about why you are feeling the way you do, so it was hard to put that onto paper and I was worried it wasn't going to be what we needed to say.  I needn't have worried though as sw was great, it was a very relaxed discussion and she said she was happy we have dealt with what we need to and are totally ready - she seems to "get" dh and I and understands what makes us tick which is brilliant in such a short space of time, so that really helped.  Such a relief so just have to hope it comes across ok in the par so fingers crossed.
Our references are all back, we had our medicals before we went away and have 4 more hs sessions left so feels like we are getting somewhere.  She is going to speak to her manager before our next session and it may be we are looking at an earlier panel date.  I'm not getting my hopes up about that so have October in my head.
   to everyone - lots of amazing news and updates on here at the moment


----------



## Sq9

Another home study session ticked off yesterday. We discussed our experience of caring for children and how we would parent compared to our experience of being parented, what are our positives and what we struggle with in terms of parenting.  We both found it difficult at times not so much because we don't have the experience, because we do, but we found it difficult explaining some of our answers.  How can we say what we are going to struggle with when we have never parented full time before?  Luckily, sw very good at drawing answers out of us (you'd think that was her job or something  ) and she seemed happy with what we were saying.  
I'm finding the whole process a bit of a struggle at the moment.  Things have gone quickly so far but I feel like we still have such a long way to go.  We don't get much feedback from sw as we are going along, and she had to leave early yesterday as she had a meeting so I couldn't ask about panel and whether it will be sept or October.  I've started to let myself think we might be parents one day soon and that it could actually happen, but then I know, particularly after what some people have experienced on here recently, that no matter how positive everyone is about us, it all depends on the panel and that scares me beyond words.  I don't know how I would cope if we aren't approved.  Hubby is very laid back about the whole thing which can be good, but drives me round the bend when he just says, we'll just see what happens and there is no reason why we won't get through.  Wish I could be as laid back as him sometimes  .  I think things seem much more difficult this week because one of my best friend's has just lost her dad after a very short illness.  Breaks my heart to see her so upset and there is nothing I can do to take away her pain.  Hopefully next week will seem a bit brighter.  I just want to be approved now!! 
Happy bank holiday weekend everyone xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi SQ

Have you been able to have a brighter week? It is such massive highs on this journey that when we struggle we can crash down with a hard bump. Luckily the happiness when dreaming of the end result, a family, always wins. Where are you up to with home study now

Sending lots of love and hugs

Lolly xxx


----------



## Sq9

Hi lolly,
Am feeling better this week thanks - the sunny weather and short working week has definitely helped! We've got 3 more sessions of hs left plus our individual sessions I think, next weeks is talking about what kind of child we think we can cope with so am a bit nervous about that. Had a lovely day out today with my big sis and her 2 fruit loop kids which reminded me of why we are going through this  
Take care xx


----------



## Wyxie

Hi sq, glad to hear you're feeling better.  The sunny weather is helping everyone I think, we are so long overdue for a nice summer!

I found the matching meeting quite hard, as it really drives home the reality of what you may be taking on.  We had a very definite idea of what we would willingly take on, because we know there are so many unknowns with young children.  I felt quite strongly that just because I would not willingly take on a child with a particular issue, didn't mean I couldn't cope with it, just that I wouldn't choose to.  I also felt that with certain issues, such as FAS, there is a really broad spectrum and a child who was diagnosed at the age we were considering would almost certainly be at the more severe end.  If found this easy to convey to our SW, but struggled to get the Manager who did the 2nd opinion meeting to understand what I was saying - either that or she could have been being confrontational, she is a little like that at times.

Good luck, and stick to your guns on what you're hoping for.  You can always look at it again later on if you don't get a match fairly quickly!

All the best,

Wyxie xx


----------



## Sq9

Thanks wyxie x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

I found those sessions the hardest too.  I had a massive guilt trip all the way though, although knew that saying 'no' was the kindest thing and it would be very wrong to agree to circumstances you couldn't handle well as it would be the child that ultimately suffered.  Either way it is not pleasant, but a necessary part, and you will feel much better once you have done it.  We deliberated on a few, but if one had any doubt it had to be a no.  SW was very good, and they are of course non-judgemental too.  We found the thought processes between having one child placed or two the hardest consideration of all though.  What are your thoughts on that front?

Glad all in all things are going well, you will be finished and reading your PAR in no time


----------



## Sq9

Hubby and I have had a good chat about what we are going to say and thankfully we are agreed on what we can realistically handle and although the 1 versus sibling group was a but if a debate to start off with, we are both agreed that 1 is best for us at the moment and if it feels right, we can look at another one later on.  My problem is my work is managing care cases in a family proceedings court so I read about the history of what has happened to children who are subject to care proceedings pretty much every day and most days, I would quite happily take them all home because it breaks my heart to read what they have been through.  But clearly we have to be realistic about what we can manage in the real world and as much as I would like to say I could cope with anything, I know I couldn't and as lots of people have said on here, you have to be honest because the one who will be damaged the most by us not coping is the child who will already have been through too much. I just feel guilty because if we had had a birth child with some of the problems we are going to say we couldn't cope with, we would have had to have just got on with it.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Very true about BC however there would be a million things that would make that situation easier than adopting a child with those needs. My DH said that we have lived through hell and been so miserable that we need to now think what we really want rather than what we could cope with etc because we have done enough of the tough. x x x x x x Don't feel guilty x x x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

I know party what you mean SQ.  I work with children and a large majority of those come into our service as they have complex needs and SEN.  That is an area of the job I like the best.  So then to say no to some of these children felt awful.  I was associating the situations and difficulties she described to specific children on my caseload and feeling terrible as ultimately we were insinuating that 'they weren't good enough for our family'.  But SW said that because of my role I was making an informed decision and she was very happy with that.  She said that it wasn't they were not good enough, just not right, but that they may well be for another family.  Also what we read or see for a few hours and week is very different to 24/7 parenting.  We all know all of this don't we, but it is just the guilt trip!  I tried not to but I still felt bad.  You probably will too, but just be true to yourself


----------



## Wyxie

I really don't think what you can consider what you would accept in a birth child when thinking about what you would accept in an adopted child. It just isn't that simple. I have written lots about this before and won't go on too much, but basically, I think you need to think about two things.

Firstly, if you had a biological child I will assume you would have done everything you reasonably could to minimise the risk of them having problems, you would drink, smoke or take drugs in pregnancy, you would make sure they were always warm, fed, cared for, they wouldn't have had to have difficult moves because you would always have been there for them. In adopting you take on a huge amount of unknowns above and beyond that which you would get with having a biological child, you're already accepting a much greater risk than you would having a biological child.

Secondly, there are a huge number of children in the care system with a lot of problems that not many want to take on. If you say you would, for example, take on a child with downs syndrome, or FAS, for want of a better comparison, and Social Services thinks you'd cope, then you almost certainly would be matched with a child with that problem because they are _incredibly_ difficult to place and most would quite reasonably say no. It's tantamount to volunteering for it, and no-one having a birth child would do that.

I have a huge amount of respect for people who do take on children with known problems like this, but for those just wishing to have as normal a family as possible, I think you need to go with your (realistic) hopes, not your base line capabilities for dealing with life, and absolutely not feel guilty about it.

Just my opinion, as usual, but I really hate seeing people beat themselves up over this, even though we felt pretty bad as well, and absolutely don't let anyone else make you feel bad about it!

Best wishes,

Wyxie xx


----------



## Sq9

Thanks everyone.  We did the homework on sun (all 3 pages of questions!) and feel happy with what we've come up with so just need to talk about it all with sw on Friday.  I feel a bit better now it is all on paper


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad you're feeling better, it's good to talk about it you both have to be on the same page with everything. Full steam ahead


----------



## Sq9

Hello. Our session on fri was pretty intense and lasted for nearly 2 and a half hours - poor hubby was ready for bed by the end as he's not used to having to talk or concentrate for that length of time!  The session wasn't really what I was expecting as although the questions we had to do for the homework were about what types of things we could deal with, the actual session was more about giving us lots of examples of the types of conditions and situations we may be faced with.  Apparently the tick box session is still to come - I'll be to take away by then I think!! Also had to talk about things like how we thought we would parent when the child is a teenager.  My sister helpfully suggested getting a book from the library about that!!  
Was a bit frustrated by the end because sw being vague about panel date - she said it won't be any later than oct but might be earlier depending on when she can get time to write our par.  She said that every time she tries to do work on us, something else crops up.  I completely understand she has a very heavy workload, but I want her to concentrate just on us and leave all her other work .  She's on holiday between now and our next session so can't see us being any further forward next time, and she's said we will probably need another session so still 3 to go.  
Hope everyone else is ok.  So much fabulous news on here at the minute. Take care xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I honestly don't think anyone is prepared to parent a teenager.  I work with them and the amuse and baffle me everyday.  I  my honest view being a teenager is hard I know I wouldn't want to be one again.  All you can do is try and guide them and pick them up when they make mistakes and remind then how much you lovethem.  They will be moody and confused and think they know everything that's what  being young is about x    x


----------



## Sq9

Another session of hs ticked off on Friday.  Quite an easy session talking about how a child would impact on our lifestyle.  We've now got 1 more joint session to go and then individual ones, then referees need to be visited and par written.  Both our crb checks are back and both medicals are back i think.  Sw said she will know better in the next few weeks whether it will be sept or oct panel.  We've decided we are going to go away for a week in nov regardless of which panel we are at as hubby has his 21st plus quite a bit birthday!
Am completely drained today and so wish it was a drink night as had a pretty rough week or so at work - roll on Friday!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad it's flying bu. Definitely enjoy your last holiday as a two x x


----------



## Sq9

Final joint session of hs done on Friday.  It was the tick box session about the type of child we think we could consider - wasn't as bad as I was expecting and we feel happy with what we've said.  Our view hasn't changed since we started and sw is happy about our reasoning behind our decision to look at 1 child under the age of 1. Felt very positive by the end if the session because sw said she had no worries about us at all and that there would be no problems with panel.  Clearly we won't be counting our chickens until panel agrees with her, but felt good to hear her say that. We've now got individual sessions over the next 2 weeks, then she has to go and see referees and write up the par.  She showed us that she's already done quite a bit, but it will depend on how quickly she can do it as to which panel we go to.  It seems we don't need a reference from my employer - sw said they only do that if we had worked with children, and she's not asked to see hubby's accounts, just my payslip and our joint account and mortgage statements.
Went window shopping last week with sis and mum for pushchairs.  Found one I really like which is half price but don't know if I would be jinxing things if we bought it now - can order it now and get it delivered later in the year.  Hubby looked horrified when I mentioned getting it now to him, so not sure what to do.
Am feeling very positive about it all now and have started to let myself think that it is actually going to happen and that we will become parents.  Roll on panel, whenever that may be!!  
Take care everyone xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sounds fantastic hun so glad you are getting close x x


----------



## Sq9

Home study is all done and dusted so now the nail biting begins  .  Sw said she has no worries about us and is confident we will breeze through panel, but until we have a big fat yes, we're not taking for granted and I'll be spending the next few weeks panicking about it!! 
We had hoped to find out on Friday if we were going to September panel but she told hubby at his individual session that she won't know until she sees how long the report is going to take and how quickly she can see referees.  She said she will let us know ASAP, but I have a feeling my definition of ASAP and hers won't be the same!  
After getting lots of positive feedback from her about us and how we've tackled hs, I'm starting to let myself think that this may actually happen and that we will be parents one day soon which is utterly terrifying and exciting at the same time.  We've had a lovely 5 months or so doing hs, making the effort to have lots of time just the 2 of us going out for tea and nights away, but I'm so ready to be a mum so am getting very impatient! All natural feelings I know, but having a panel date to work towards would really help keep me sane.
We had a trip to mothercare on Sunday to look at pushchairs.  Hubby had a face like a slapped you know what when we left the house, but he actually quite enjoyed it and had the assistant laughing when he said he wanted the one with the cupholder on the handle bar for his sneaky bottle of beer.  Luckily she realised he was joking  .  We've found a lovely one we both like and fits in the boot of the car, and I've found it much cheaper at a place online, so hopefully they will still have them when it is time to buy.
I've started an online freelance journalism course today.  Thought it would help keep me occupied while we are waiting, plus if it is successful, might be able to make some extra money writing which would mean going back to work for fewer days than I first thought which would be great.  
Lots of fabulous news on her at the minute - can't wait for it to relate to us  
Take care everyone xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Great news SQ!  Congratulations    Really   you get to September panel!  I agree, your idea of timescales and hers will be very different...!    I understand what you mean, despite being reassured numerous times by SW she had no concerns and all would be fine, I wound myself up so much worrying (what I do best!)  But panel was actually a really positive experience and it will be for you too.

Pushchair shopping sounds so much fun!  It makes it all feel so real doesn't it?  I'm glad you have found one you both like.  We are still on the fence with pushchairs, and have decided to wait and see what the FC is currently using (although I really want an inward facing one).

Great about your journalism course.  My mum is a journo and I like to write too (although still recovering from my 3 year degree, so not been up to much lately!)  SW said I should start a blog as my homework was always so 'wordy'.... waffly i'm sure she meant!!  Anything to be flexible around LO would be ideal.  Is it an open uni course?  Keep us posted, sounds fab!

Love Lolly xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic news SQ9 here's hoping we are panel buddies x x


----------



## Sq9

Just had a couple of fabulous texts to say sw is meeting 2 references next week.  My big sis has been out for the day so she hasn't spoken to her yet, but she works from home so I'm sure there won't be a problem for her to see the sw next week.  Really hope this means we are going to September panel


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Whoop whoop sounds good x x


----------



## Sq9

2 references seen, 1 more to go.  She saw 1 of my best friends yesterday who got really emotional when sw started to ask questions at the thought that it meant we are nearly at the end of journey, and my sis emailed her to tell her when was best time for her to meet, but her predictive text had changed the words so she had actually asked when could she eat her, rather than when could she meet her  . SW said people have threatened to do a lot of things to her over the years, but that was the first time someone asked if they could eat her!! So, it is going really well!!  I'm really hoping sw going to come out next week to go through pr, but I have a feeling it will be much closer to the deadline than that.
Have a fabulous weekend everyone


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sounds good.  Snap we are two referees seen and one more to go. Very funny about sis eating SW lol x x


----------



## Sq9

Sw saw my sis today so that is the last reference seen.  My 2 nieces (8 and 5) were having none of the film they had promised to watch quietly so I think sis got a bit of help with some of the answers!  Now anxiously waiting for contact from sw to say she is ready to come out and see us to go over the par - I think she has until two weeks on wednesday to submit everything. Hope she doesn't leave it until the last minute but have a feeling it might be


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ha ha bet the nieces were loving being involved.  Fingers crossed for September panel no reason you shouldn't make it.  Our last reference is on Friday x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

We were to the wire too but it got done and I'm sure your will too   So nearly there now lovely, home straight


----------



## Sq9

Haven't been on here for a while.  It's been a bit of a stressful few weeks but all back on an even keel now.  As predicted sw left things until the last minute with the par, so gave us a couple of days to read through it, fill in some blanks, sign and return it and also get a last minute photo of us both done.  And then for some bizarre reason not even known to myself, I have spent the last 2 weeks completely convinced I was pregnant. In my head I knew it was completely irrational and pretty much impossible given hubby's test results, but just couldn't get it out of my head and the closer I came to being due af, the more anxious I've become as I was completely gutted at the thought and couldn't stop thinking that we had completely let the sw down if I was.  As I say, completely irrational and ridiculous and clearly I'm not pregnant and af  arrived today albeit a day late.  Feels like I've been in complete limbo for the last few days unable to get excited (or even petrified) about panel or plan anything until af arrived, despite the numerous pregnancy tests I've taken which were of course negative.  I couldn't even bring myself to put panel date in my diary.  I was surprised at how gutted I was at the prospect of being pregnant which reinforced to me even more that I know we are completely on the right path with adoption.  The thought of having to pull out completely floored me.  Poor hubby has been absolutely brilliant and I'm so glad I told him what was going on in my head. I was adamant I didn't want to go on the pill, but this week has made me re-think that as I don't want to go though this again even though the rational me knows how highly the odds were against me being pregnant.  So, I officially think I have gone  .
I feel like a different person tonight and started to let myself think we are getting close to meeting our lo. Hopefully the rest of our journey will be a bit easier than the last few days have been


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

D'ya know what, I had the exact same thing!  We'd been a it daft (lots of beer with friends... you know how it goes), I wasn't back on the pill yet and as we've never had any diagnosis of infertility I had no idea whether I could be preggers or not, and I really worried about it for ages!  I would have been gutted as our little boy was already waiting for us so pregnancy was the last thing we wanted.  Funny how you can get yourself worked up! 

I'm now on what was Cerazette, now called something else and it's fab! I bled for 2 weeks very lightly but haven't had a period for 3 months now   Should have done it years ago!!


----------



## Sq9

Thanks for that Katie - good to know I'm not the only one to have gone through it


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Snap I call it para pregnancy phobia totally normal  x


----------



## Sq9

SW emailed today with time for panel - a whole 19 sleeps before the date!! Super excited but also completely terrified!!


----------



## flickJ

You must be so excited!

Make sure you try and relax and don't get to stressed (easier said than done), it will be here in no time and I'm sure they will love you at panal


----------



## Sq9

10 sleeps til panel and I think I'm slowly sending myself round the bend  .  The nearer we get to the end of this stage, the more scared I get.  Scared of being rejected or deferred at panel and also scared of being approved and what happens after that.  All natural feelings am sure.  Hubby is very laid back which I think is making me worse, thinking I should be worried for both of us.  SW said she has not worries about us and all our friends and family say we will be fine, but just don't seem to be able to let myself relax about it.  If I'm like this now, lord knows what I'll be like by next week!! I think a glass of wine may be in order tonight


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh hun, so normal but so difficult isn't it! You will be fine, but until it's all rubber stamped there will be doubt. The way of life. But I know soon you'll be posting about how positive it all was, however happy you were when they said yes and we'll all be here celebrating!!


----------



## Frangipanii

Will keep everything crossed for you!!!! X x x


----------



## Sq9

3 more sleeps til panel.  I think I know what I'm wearing, just want it to be here now.  We are meeting sw at 11.30 for coffee, then panel at 11.50. We've not had an official letter to confirm things, so hope that isn't a bad sign.  SW has never mentioned that we would, I've just read others have had it.  Just looking for things to worry about really!! We are so close, but I'm too scared to let my guard down and think that it might actually happen. Xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Totally understand I am the same.  People who get letters only seem to get them a day before so do not srress a time is all that matters x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

You'll be just fine lovely   We got a letter for approval but not for matching panel, it varies and I really wouldn't worry hun. You have it all sorted with your social worker so it's all good and you'll soon be celebrating


----------



## Frangipanii

It will be wonderful, dont worry!! Three sleeps and you'll be celebrating! I cant wait to congratulate you!!! Xxx


----------



## Sq9

1 more sleep but I don't think I'll be sleeping much tonight . Been really busy at work today so not had time to think about it but lord knows what my results will be like as not been concentrating properly so no doubt loads of queries when I go back on Thursday! SW emailed to check we weren't too nervous which was really nice but panicked me when I saw it was an email from her.  Really need to calm down!! Hubby making fish and chips for tea so I'm sure that will do the trick  
Take care everyone and good luck to everyone at panel this week


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Good luck for tomorrow SQ thinking of you x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Loads of love to you and hubby. Hope it is a positive and friendly panel. You'll be great


----------



## lynsbee

Oh hun you sound just like me!!
I looked at e-mails at lunch and had one from SW checking all was good for tomorrow and we didn't want a last in visit or phone call tonight! Also to see if we were happy for her trainee to come too! I see e-mail from her and panicked!! then started getting nervous!
Good luck tomorrow!! sure you wont need it!!


----------



## Sq9

We are approved !! I am so relieved and completely shattered, but very, very happy.  Panel wasn't really like I was expecting, but then I don't really know what I was expecting.  SW went in first for about 20 minutes which was the longest 20 mins of my life!! She came and got us and said they had no concerns at all, we sat down in front of 12 people, the chairman said he would put us out of our misery straight away and that they were going to recommend us to be approved, but then went on to ask loads of questions   It was great we were told straight away, but then weird that they asked so many questions.

All the questions were covered in our par like how we found the process, what we had learned about ourselves, he asked about my relationship with my dad which threw me a bit because I haven't seen him for nearly a year, asked hubby about his medication as he is on a low dose of anti-depressants, why we wanted a baby as opposed to an older child and how long I was going to take off work, and asked about our support network and my nieces.  It wasn't even as if they were different angles to those issues so don't know if they just feel that they have to ask something so that we know they have read the report.  It was all a bit surreal knowing we were approved but still having to answer lots of questions as I was terrified they would change their minds because of our answers. Anyway, it is all done and dusted now so we can celebrate  

We've been out to lunch and bought bubbles for tonight - may have a bit of a hangover for work tomorrow   SW is going to come out and see us in the next week or so, and fingers crossed she will have a profile for us.  She was over the moon bless her.  Felt really strange seeing her somewhere other than our house, and I hadn't realised how short she is  

Thank you for all your fabulous support  .  Bring on the profiles


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic news once again so pleased for you x x


----------



## lynsbee

CONGRATULATIONS hun!!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Fantastic news!!!           Congratulations mummy to be!!! Very happy for you both


----------



## flickJ

Woo, so pleased for you Sq9


----------



## Jacks girl

Fab news  congrats hun xxx


----------



## Sq9

So it's been just over a week since panel and no confirmation letter or contact from sw.  Am going to have to learn how to get good at waiting and being patient but not top of the class for that yet  .  Hubby said I can contact sw next week if we haven't heard anything from her.  She said she would come out in a couple of weeks so I'll be on the phone on Wednesday !! Apart from anything else, she hasn't really gone into much detail about what happens now, so will use that as the starter for the conversation rather than have you got any profiles  .


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sounds like a plan to me. I'll hopefully   be joining you in the waiting next week. Not looking forward to waiting patience is not a virtue I have unfortunately.


----------



## Wyxie

Somehow I missed this, I'm not really sure how!

Congratulations on being approved.  I hope you find your babies soon.

Wyxie xx


----------



## lynsbee

Hi SQ9
How are you getting on?? We had our confirmation letter delivered while we were on holiday last week. With it came a training booklet if we want to go on any courses. I think I would rather wait until there is a match though so I can book something most related to our LO. 
I think I am experiencing a bit of a come down now from the whole approval thing.

Did I read somewhere your off on hols in a few weeks...where are you off to??


----------



## Sq9

Hi lynsbee!
We've still not had confirmation letter - hubby says to wait til wed to contact sw as it will be 2 wks then since panel but I may accidentally email her before then   we are off to fuerteventura in 5 and a bit weeks so looking forward to that. Hopefully we will both be looking at profiles soon but I didn't expect this bit to be so hard so quickly.  . Take care xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

SQ9 waiting sucks - it's not as if we haven't done our share of waiting already  . I think a holiday is perfect really wish DH and I had something booked but not possible at the minute with all the house stuff we have / are doing. Winter Sun is the best kind.


----------



## Sq9

After a stressful morning at work I may have accidentally emailed our social worker  . I didn't ask what was happening, just a question about the matching process as a whole which was a genuine question, but i already knew the answer so I didn't need to ask it.  SW replied straightaway to say she was just about to email as she wants to come out and see us on Friday! So hopefully we'll get more information from her then as to what happens next, whether our LA do open days etc.
I don't think it is so much the waiting that is the difficult part for me at the moment as hubby and i have been making the must of our last few months as a twosome with weekends away and meals out, it is the constant questions about timescales from people who I've already explained to that I don't know how long we'll be waiting.  Sil in particular is unbelievably excited which is lovely, but she has asked at least 3 times already since panel whether we've got any profiles yet.  I'm hoping it is just the excitement of us being approved and she will get the hint not to keep asking. If you're pregnant you know, give or take a couple of weeks, when your child is going to arrive and clearly you know the age so can prepare for what they need.  We don't get that which can be exciting, but very hard sometimes too.
The stress at work this morning came from me finding out someone has not listened to what they were told by one of my managers and so has emailed 100 or so colleagues to say that I am leaving work next month to have a baby and so is starting a collection for me!! I may not have the flattest stomach in the world, but I certainly don't look 8 months pregnant    Thankfully someone told me about it, and that person is going to tell the person who has emailed, the correct facts and hopefully they will have the decency to email everyone so I don't have to keep explaining myself  .  Luckily I have a good sense of humour and decided the best way to deal with it was to see the funny side, but seriously, have some people no tact?? How can you mix up being approved to adopt to going off on maternity leave next month?? Knowing the person involved I'll probably get an apology but in front of lots of people when really I would rather just forget the whole thing happened.
So I'm not a happy bunny, but hubby made a lovely tea and we are 1 step closer to the weekend  . Take care everyone


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Gosh people are so clueless. I am sorry you have been pn the wrong end of a well intentioned idiot.  Hopefully Friday will bring some answers x x


----------



## lynsbee

People are clueless when it comes to adoption aren't they!! I know I am only 29 (oh...that's the first time I have said that...only turned 29 last week lol) but some of the question's I have had from younger members of staff are actually quite shocking!!  
Our standard answer with timescales for this part is it could be weeks, could be months....maybe even years!!

Oooo have a fab holiday hun, I would love to go there have only been to Gran Canaria of the Canary islands and that was with an ex years ago. Me and DH must be off on hols the same time as you going to Egypt....pretty fed up of all the ooo you sure about going there blah blah blah have to explain we are going the Sharm which is still one of the safest holiday resorts lol....I have no intention of going to Luxor, Ciaro or to the Nile. I just want winter sun and relaxation!


----------



## Sq9

Holidays are the way forward!


----------



## Sq9

Nearly 4 weeks after panel we have finally received our approval letter. No sign of any profiles though.  SW came round about 10 days ago and was very weird and didn't really explain anything about what happens now, the national register etc. We got politician's answers to most things which was just plain odd as she is lovely and normally very open about things.  I had thought perhaps she was waiting to here back about a child, but would have thought we would have heard something by now if that was the case.  She said she would be in touch in a few weeks, so hopefully we will hear from her next week?!  . 
To be honest the waiting isn't so much the problem, more the frustration at the lack of information about the nuts and bolts of what happens such as will she give us more than 1 profile at a time, what happens if we want to proceed, how soon after panel do intros normally start etc.  I've picked up a lot from here about all of these issues, but as ever, each la does things differently so we need to know how it works for us.  I'm not going to email sw again at the moment unless she doesn't get in touch in the next week or so, but will write a list of questions for her then and won't let her leave til we get proper answers   
Am also getting a bit frustrated with hubby.  We have a list of jobs that need to be done on the house that only he can do, but they aren't getting done.  I would be quite happy to get someone in and pay them to do the jobs, but because hubby can do them, he won't do that, but he is so busy at work (self employed) he can't take any time off at the minute so I've no idea when things will get done.  If I could do the jobs I would but I can't.  Think I'll just book them in his diary then he will have no choice! Grrrr! 
Moan over!! Hope everyone else is ok


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Am also getting a bit frustrated with hubby. We have a list of jobs that need to be done on the house that only he can do, but they aren't getting done. I would be quite happy to get someone in and pay them to do the jobs, but because hubby can do them, he won't do that, but he is so busy at work (self employed) he can't take any time off at the minute so I've no idea when things will get done. If I could do the jobs I would but I can't.

Read more: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=301550.80#ixzz2hoekIGH8

I totally know how you feel  self employed DH here too and a list of house jobs I wish I had the skills to do. I think SW may have something in mind our SW has shown us a profile of a couple of LO's who don't go to court for placement order till the end of next month  . So I don't think timescales are unrealistic x x x


----------



## Sq9

Not been on here much lately as I'm finding the lack of news and information really hard at the moment but I know we just have to be patient.  Luckily our holiday is a week on Saturday and we can't wait.  We are both completely shattered so will do us the world of good a week away in the sun just the two of us, thinking about how much are lives are going to change, hopefully, very soon.  SW phoned hubby yesterday and said she had been meaning to contact us and that she should probably have told us she was on holiday for a week! She's coming to see us on Friday but doesn't sound like she has any news for us, just a catch up.  Hopefully she will be happy for us to go on the register now if we aren't being considered for any los, but I'm really nervous about seeing her because I'm disappointed in the lack of contact.  Perhaps I'm expecting too much? I thought certainly to start off with, we would hear from her regularly to see how things are going.  Anyway, will see what Friday brings.
Hope everyone else is ok.  Lots of great news on here at the moment.  Hope we get some soon


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Waiting sucks and is so hard. Hope seeing sw on friday brings information and makes you feel better about what is going on behind the scenes.  I just worry that they all wind down for Xmas very early.  We were hoping for January intros but not feeling confident we'll be matched by then.  

A holiday sounds perfect to me enjoy every second.  Although I think I would struggle not to be checking emails constantly x x


----------



## lynsbee

Hey SQ9
Sorry your finding it hard with the lack of news etc at the moment. I hope your SW brings you some good news with her on Friday!! But yes waiting certainly does suck!!! 
Not too long until your holiday, I've been counting down the days too we go the day before you and I honestly can not wait! A week of nothingness but sun, sea and.....RELAXATION!!!!!


----------



## Sq9

SW came out to see us this morning and she was great so was clearly having a really bad day the last time she came.  It seems that we won't get a profile until quite a lot if work has been done but sounds like lots of things going on although she says she can't tell us anything until they are ready to proceed.  If we are happy with the profile, then things will move quite quickly which is good to hear.  She is reasonably confident that we will be matched before 12 weeks and as there are children coming through we are happy with not going on the register at the moment.  Everyone's view of it is different, but she seems to think going on the register is a last resort as she hasn't had much success with it - I know that isn't other people's experience on here.  So altogether a much more positive chat and my confidence in her is restored  .  It is just so difficult putting our complete trust in her to know what she is doing and find us our child, but we have to do that and just wait...... Which is easier said than done  .  So we can go off on holiday next week feeling more positive and she said she will contact us when we get back  
Hope everyone has a lovely weekend


----------



## lynsbee

Hi, 
So glad you had a more positive meeting with you SW!! I think you will get back from holiday to some good happy news x
So not long to go now until that holiday.....ENJOY!!!!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Much more positive lovely, I'm so pleased   Everything crossed you'll come back from a great holiday refreshed and to exciting news


----------



## lynsbee

Hi,
I doubt I will get chance to post before I go on hol Friday morning! But just wanted to wish you a wonderful relaxing holiday hun!! ENJOY xx


----------



## Sq9

Thanks lyns - have a fabulous time too


----------



## Smudgey

The waiting is awful isn't it ? Big   From a fellow waiter ! 

Enjoy your hols !     

We have booked a weekend in London the weekend before Christmas  

Glad your SW visit has gone well and your faith is restored xxxxx


----------



## Sq9

This time last week .....  . We've had a lovely relaxing week and time away from planet adoption which is just what we needed.  Was convinced though we would be coming back to good news from sw but not heard anything from her yet.  Not going to contact her because we know she will be in touch when there is news, but have found this week really hard again.  Hurry up little one and come and find us soon  
Hope everyone is ok


----------



## Smudgey

Big hugs huni , glad you have had a good holiday xx


----------



## lynsbee

Hey glad you had a good holiday hun.
I love that little baby pic on your post. Fingers crossed you have news very soon xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad you had a wonderful holiday.  We've had no sw for the past 2 weeks ago no change here either.  New one started in the last few days so will make contact soon I hope.  X x


----------



## Sq9

I'm really struggling this week so thought venting on here might help.  Had a run in with a colleague at work today which hasn't helped - she can be a bit if a bully when she's challenged and I crumble every time.  Managed not to ball in front of her thank god.  . I'm finding work the hardest because people keep asking if we have any news as the fact we've been approved has been shared with pretty much everyone without my approval - I had wanted to wait til we were linked before telling anyone other than my small team.
Just feels like we are never going to have any news - it is 10 weeks tomorrow since panel which I know isn't that long in adoption land, but it is torture at the minute not knowing when it is going to happen.  SW promised to be in touch when we got back from hols but we've not heard anything from her.  Part of me thinks I should email her, but part of me thinks we should wait til she contacts us to see how long she leaves it.  I know she will contact us when she has news, and I have every confidence in her that she is plugging away on our behalf, but it would be nice for her to check in slightly more often than she is (4 weeks since we last saw her) just for reassurance if nothing else.
On the positive side, my mum has started painting a mural on the chimney breast in lo's room.  It is going to be peter rabbit and jemima puddle duck and is going to look amazing.  I was off the day they handed out the artistic genes  .


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah hun it's so rubbish waiting and I know people mean well but asking any news makes it loads worse. I really how you hear soon my bestest waiting friend.  Sending hugs one bored waiter to another. Wall painting sounds amazing I wish that I was artistic I am in amazed by those who are x x x


----------



## Loopylou29

We found waiting tough and it was a long 9 months before we were matched with nothing else in between.  We ended up making an agreement with sw that she would contact us every 2 or 3 weeks just for reassurance more than anything else. We also ended up telling people not to ask as we were finding the waiting difficult but as soon as we had news wd would let them know. The release of pressure from the questions was instant but didn't make the actually waiting easier. The right match will come allng and this period will become a distant memory


----------



## Sq9

Thanks so much ladies    I would go round the bend without your support


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

This is absolutely the worst part   But that means things can only get better and they will, and then all this will fade away... BIG hugs


----------



## Sq9

I caved and emailed sw on Thursday - had enough of constantly checking emails hoping for some contact.  Didn't get a reply until today as she was on holiday Thursday and Friday. Apparently she was going to contact us this week ..... Heard that before  
She has basically said nothing happening at the moment but a few children have final hearings in January.  It is the first time she has mentioned anything like that so perhaps there is something more definite there - or perhaps I'm just desperately trying to read something into what she is saying that isn't there  .  No mention of putting us on the register so I've replied and said that I presume we go on next week and will see what she comes back with.  She said she'll come out before christmas to see us.  I'm gutted we won't be having any news before christmas but lots to look forward to in the new year.
Decided to order a pushchair on sat - I know it is far too early, but the one we really like was nearly half price in mothercare so it seemed rude not to order it  .  We are having it delivered to mil's and it will stay there til we need it. 
Hope everyone else is ok


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hugs hope sw does get out to see you and brings some reassurance and positive messages. Waiting really is the pits. Are you on your local consortium search yet? I think that the more sw can search you the better personally but I'm no expert.  Wishing you as much sanity over Christmas as possible x x


----------



## Smudgey

Big hugs ladies , the waiting is so pants   , what pushchair did you order ? Xx


----------



## Sq9

We have ordered the britax b-smart 3.  We live on a hill and have quite a few steps up to the house so the bigger wheels and the fact it is quite lightweight will hopefully mean I can get about where I need to easily with it.  It felt really nice to push when we tested it out a few months ago.  I'm very excited about it although it will be staying at mil for a while yet.
I don't think we have a local consortium and sw not replied about putting us on the national register next week.  She seems very keen for us to stay with them but I keep thinking what if our lo isn't with them and we miss each other? It's so hard knowing what is the right thing to do.  Staying local means easier for intros and local services and just dealing with 1 la, but then it limits the number of children in the pool.


----------



## Sq9

SW came out again today.  She clearly finds coming out with no news as hard as we do and I did feel for her today as she clearly wants to come and tell us good news.  She said there are children in our age range coming through in jan and she would prefer us not to go onto the national register until we have more info about those children.  Also said most of her adopters don't go on the register - am feeling very confused about this at the moment.  
She asked us about a couple of issues we had addressed in home study about issues we would consider and whether we would consider them now and actually gave us a bit if info about a baby which she has never done before.  She thinks child has foetal alcohol syndrome or at the very least is on the spectrum, but they are doing genetic tests to check nothing in m's history to explain developmental delays etc. she said this lo isn't really one she is considering for us, but can't stop thinking about her and why did she mention her to us in a bit of detail if she didn't want us to consider her? My head is saying no but something is telling me that sw wouldn't have mentioned her unless she wanted us to consider her and that we should ask for more info.  Head is completely done in with it all and not helped by dh's attitude which is we'll just see what happens!!  
Our sw will only come to us with a profile when she thinks she has the right match which given my reaction to a bit of info about another child is probably for the best, but am terrified it won't be the right match and then we are back waiting again.  This part is so much harder than I ever thought it would be.  Not just the waiting but the worry of whether we will get the right match.  I do trust our sw and she totally gets us, it is just so hard sitting back and letting her do the all the work and come to us with a match.......but then that's her job after all  
Think there may be quite a bit of wine drunk in our house over the festive period to help keep me sane.
Wishing you all a fabulous christmas and lots of exciting adventures in 2014


----------



## gettina

It's so hard sq9. I'm v pleased your sw is coming and talking to you about what's going on behind the scenes -At least I found it helpful and optimistic.

I personally wouldn't worry too much about whether to pursue the child mentioned as I have confidence your sw will drive things. Don't put pressure on yourselves.

Good luck - sounds like a boozy Christmas is v much in order as it could be stopping soon after! 

Gettina xx


----------



## lynsbee

Hi
I hope you had a lovely Christmas day with lots of food and wine!
I have everything crossed that the new year brings exciting news for you x


----------



## Sq9

So, we continue to wait.  SW came out today and unfortunately all of the children with final hearing this month are not suitable for us either due to medical issues or very violent birth parents living too close to us.  She has given us a bit of a curve ball though and asked if we would consider fostering to adopt.  Our LA have just started to do this and have had 1 successfully completed so far.  They only do it where they are as certain as they can be that birth parents agree that they can't look after child, and no-one else in the family suitable, so only works for cases they know about early in pregnancy and can do all the pre-birth assessments, so will be few cases that it is suitable for. Would mean child comes to us basically from hospital and is obviously better for them in cases where it is pretty clear tephra can't stay in birth family as means no moves for them.  It is something we had briefly talked about at the start of the process, but because our la didn't do it then we didn't come to any conclusion about it.  We really don't know what to do as clearly no matter how certain the la are, things can still happen and there will be the risk the child could go back to birth parents until the placement order is made, but the la would still issue care proceedings so at least it isn't as easy as birth parents changing their minds one day and the child removed the next, the court would still have to sanction it.  If we said we would consider it, we would still be considered for "ordinary" adoption and she is looking at what children are available on the register near our area, so if a child we are better matched with comes up, we would still be in the running for them.  So are heads are completely done in and it kind of feels like we are never going to get matched at the minute.  We were really geared up to finding a match this month.  SW looked really upset that she didn't have any good news and we are both happy with what she is doing, but this is so, so hard.  . Lots of talking for us over the weekend and then see how we feel - may need a drink or two too  
Hope everyone is ok


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

A lot to think about hun Hugs. If a young as possible is your top priority then I think foster to adopt makes sense if you feel you can handle it emotionally x x


----------



## lynsbee

Hi SQ9 
Hope you don't mid me popping by here....I know it's been a while. 
When we started out on the adoption route we considered doing this then after a few info sessions decided I didn't think I could do it emotionally. The thing is the LO we have been matched with had we had we of Fostered to Adopt we would of had the same LO but much younger!
Fingers crossed your SW brings you some good news soon xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Wow, what a decision you have to make. I imagine you are going in circles at the moment. I personally don't think the risk would enable me to fully allow myself to bond with the baby. That said I haven't had to wait as long as you have for news, and your social worker seems to be trying to reassure you that you will get children placed that are extremely unlikely to be returned. Can you cope with that tiny risk? Also would you need to facilitate contact with birth family? Goodness, I feel for you, but follow your hearts. Whatever decision you make will be right for you and your future family. So many hugs


----------



## Sq9

We've done a lot of thinking and talking over the weekend and decided fostering to adopt is not for us.  There is just too much uncertainty, not just with the final placement, but pretty much everything leading up to that from dates for leaving work, how that would work to how we and our family would feel about lo until placement order made.  If we had started the process knowing it was an option, we might have been more open to it, but just feels like we've been through so much to get here, throwing that into the mix now would be a step too far.  We've told sw and to be honest I think she is quite relieved as she said she was really wary about how it would work and that if she was asked to remove a child placed with her adopters on a fostering basis, she would resign.  So, she is putting us in the register and fingers crossed, we get a link pretty soon  
Hope everyone is ok x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I am glad you have made a decision hun. It must have been a lot to consider I am also glad that SW respects and supports your decision. Good luck with NR fingers crossed it brings good things to you x x x


----------



## Sq9

Well, just over 10 months since we were approved and no sign of being matched any time soon.  We found out today that baby we were to be linked with has had their final hearing adjourned until oct as court want one of grandparents to be assessed.  We've known this was a possible link since may so feels like we've wasted 2 months in a way.  I'm glad for the child that this is happening because if it is a positive assessment, they get to stay in their birth family, but from the brief info sw has given us and what I know about the system, I have a horrible feeling it is just a ticking box exercise rather than a realistic prospect.  I guess in the grand scheme of things, if this is our little one, a few more months delay isn't the end if the world but the waiting is so, so hard.  I feel guilty for hoping that the assessment is negative because if there is any chance the child can stay in their birth family, that is the best possible outcome for the child.  We don't know any details about the child but I really felt a connection (which is ridiculous as how can that be the case when we don't know anything about them?) so am beyond gutted that it looks like it isn't going to happen.  Hubby said tonight if he had known how long we were going to have to wait and how hard it was going to be, he wouldn't have wanted to even start.  We're really trying to just get in with our lives but it is so hard.  Every day I wake up thinking is today the day we find out? I'm better when I'm not at work because being there just reminds me that nothing has changed.  I'm really starting to think we weren't meant to be parents.  We are on the national register, have registered with bmp, and I thought we were open to a wide range of things, so very disheartening we are still waiting.  Hurry up little one.  We need to find you before we go completely round the bend   xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Huge hugs that's so hard and frustrating sws should have looked into all bf options before it gets this far. Really hope everything resolves quickly and you aren't left hanging.  I think about you a lot and can't imagine how hard your wait is being. You are definitely meant to be a mummy and daddy you will be amazing parents I know. Huge hugs your way xxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Totally agree with Diva and also send massive hugs   You will be fantastic parents and the wait will blend away once you are running around after your little one. I so hope that day comes soon, you both deserve it so much. Loads of love to you both xxx


----------



## gettina

I really feel for you sq.
This is definitely a long wait. I don't have any advice but just couldn't not reply as I know how hard the waiting is and the continuing in work etc. I soooo hope you hear soon or that you find your own link through bmp.

Hope you have a nice holiday lined up in the meantime. 
Gettina x


----------



## Sq9

Thank you for your amazing support ladies


----------



## Sq9

This time 2 weeks ago were nervously wishing the night away so we could meet sw and hear about the child she wanted to discuss with us.  What a difference 2 weeks makes! We've heard all about little pink, met her sw who said she has read a lot of profiles but knew we were a perfect match as soon as she read ours.  We've met foster carer and got some more up to date pics of ( ) our little pink and lots of info about her - she loves cuddles and being tickled  .  We meet medical adviser at the end of the month as there were a few health concerns that have resolved themselves but we just want to be prepared if they happen again.  The only glitch is that our sw is on holiday for sept panel so her manager has (after a bit of a battle) agreed to try and put an extra panel on a week or so later.  So we're back in the land of waiting and endlessly checking emails to find out when panel is going to be.  We don't want to go to panel without our sw, but we're not prepared to wait another month if an extra panel can't be put on.  LO needs to be out of her f placement ASAP so we'll just have to man up and deal with panel without our sw if needs be.  Little pink's sw and our sw have met today to write the report so fingers crossed we are all ready to go once we have a date.
I've read on here so many times about how people have waited and waited, and then it all falls into place and they find their perfect match, but until it actually happens to you, you can't believe that it will. Little pink is so perfect for us.  I can't put into words why, she just is.  I normally hold back with my emotions until something is a done deal, but she's totally got us hook line and sinker so I'm trying as hard as I can not to think that anything will go wrong and am enjoying this special time as much as I can.  Hubby is completely besotted.  I ended up asking the fc all the questions while he sat there and stared at her picture   Went shopping with sil who has basically bought little pink's wardrobe for her that will last til at least her birthday.  I tried to say she shouldn't buy much but could see how much she was enjoying it so just went with the flow, then came home and had a large glass of wine  .  It's amazing how much happiness little pink has brought us already, so can't wait for her to be part of our family, although I am also completely and utterly terrified that I'm not going to be a good enough mum to her.   
Roll on September and the start of a whole new chapter in our lives


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hugs we did panel without our sw she was taken into hospital.  We were worried but it was fine.  Lovely update xxxx


----------



## Keeping busy

How exciting


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Just over the moon for you! You sound like you were always destined to be a family. And I guess that's why the universe kept you waiting for so long. So mummy, daddy and little pink could all find each other


----------



## Sq9

We finally have a date for panel   .  1st October it is, intros start 9th oct and hopefully   bring her home for keeps on the 15th.  We met the medical officer today - no major concerns, just the usual uncertainties that come with a littlie of her age.  Am going to take a day off a week until panel so only 16 working days left - yippeeeee  .  Such a relief to finally get a date so can plan what we need to do in the time we have left.  Thought we were pretty much on top of things, then remembered hubby's accounts   MIL's partner does the return for him and no matter how early we do them, he always gives them back the last week in jan so i tend to leave them til dec, but have a feeling a may have my hands full then so really need to get them done before lo comes home.  Grrrr!! Hubby is really helpful when I do them though - he makes me a cup of tea! 
Can's quite believe 6 weeks today will be our last night together before we meet our little pink (if panel agree of course)   xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Omg amazing can't wait to hear all.  Good idea having a day a week of there's so much to sort xxx


----------



## Smudgey

Hi SQ I'm back ! Great news. , so pleased for you at last huni xxxxx


----------



## Wyxie

I somehow missed this wonderful news when you posted it.  Absolutely fantastic, I'm so very pleased for you.

Less than a month to go now, you must be bursting with excitement by now.  A real little one as well.  I won't pretend not to be jealous.  I still have this little fantasy in my head where we manage to get Wyxling all the help she needs and in a couple of years she's doing great, and then a couple of years after that hubby suddenly decides he will have another and b/m produces one right on time.  99% of me knows it will never happen, but the other little bit of me still daydreams about it sometimes.


----------



## Sq9

So, that was our last weekend as a twosome.  Matching panel was fine on Wednesday, a bit of an anticlimax really, and I left work on Thursday which was very surreal.  I think today is the first time it has really started to sink in that we are finally going to be parents.  We meet little pink on Thursday afternoon for about an hour and a half, then it is pretty full on and we bring her home for keeps on the 15th.  It would have been the 14th but there is a public sector strike so the review meeting can't take place!!! Given the length of time we've waited, I guess another day makes no difference.  Really can't wait to meet her now although am also incredibly nervous as to how I'll cope and whether we do things right.  She'll be almost 9 months when we meet her which is such a crucial age in terms of development and attachment.  She's just starting to teeth to add into the mix and sounds like foster carer has detatched herself a lot from little pink in recent weeks which is unsettling her a lot.  Think we had better stock up on sleep in the next few days cos we ain't going to get any after next Wednesday  
Hope everyone else is ok.
Take care


----------



## Handstitchedmum

So excited that this time has finally arrive for you Sq9!   Good luck for intros.


----------



## Primmer

Must feel weird leaving work on the run up to intros. Not long now to you meet your lo, how exciting


----------



## crazyspaniel

So pleased that you're wait is over, congratulations!!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Wow it's so close now!!! So very happy for you, bet you're floating on air


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So excited for you enjoy every moment xxx


----------



## Sq9

Wow - what a day.  Little pink is just delicious .  She is very laid back and very comfortable with us - felt very weird walking into foster carers house to see lots of photos of us at baby height!! She's a bit off colour due to cold and teething but was an absolute delight.  We fed her and I got to change very yukky nappy without throwing up or a peg on my nose!! More of the same tomorrow - can't wait


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Brilliant so happy for you xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Aww brilliant!!! So lovely, congratulations Mummy!!!   XXX


----------



## Primmer

Sounds amazing - so happy for you x


----------



## Sq9

Introductions all done and dusted and little pink is asleep in her cot upstairs.  Can't believe I'm saying that! Intros have been amazing and also very, very hard.  I managed to pick up a bug from little pink on Monday which meant I spent the day projectile vomiting.  Luckily managed to avoid doing it in front of her! Was awful for me but good for hubby as it meant he had to take control and it really gave him the chance to bond with little pink and he is utterly besotted.  I really felt I missed out a lot on Monday and Tuesday and there were times when I thought we had made a huge mistake as I felt nothing for little pink for some of the time.  Probably natural feelings as I know not everyone bonds straight away, but being ill for some reason  made me hyper sensitive to the washing powder / fabric softener fc uses and it made me feel sick everytime I got a waft of it. It's not been so bad today and she hasn't come with a huge amount of clothes as she's just moving into a new size in clothes. I was really worried I wouldn't get the lovely snuggly feeling I had with her before I was ill, but tonight putting her to bed smelling of baby lotion brought it all back.  I still feel like we're just babysitting her and I'm sure it will for a while to come, but we'll get there.  Foster carers were utterly amazing and we'll never have the words to be able to express to them how grateful we are for taking such good care of little pink.  I could not do their job.  They've done an amazing life story book for her from the day she came to live with them the day after she was born, with her hospital band and umbilical chord clip, hospital clothes and blanket, lots of photos and stories of where she's been with them and the whole extended family each bought her a book with a few words on from them so she can keep those too.  Feeling very blessed but terrified too about having responsibility for our own little person. Eeeeeek!! 
Take care everyone xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad she's home but sorry you've been so poorly that's tough.  Smell is a funny one I was glad when our two didn't smell of fc house anymore.  Little Things others never think about. His sounds like you're doing amazing.  It took me about four months to love our girls.  I had a great connection with them and would have thrown myself in front of a bus for them but it wasn't love.  Don't worry about it the love creeps up on you all xx


----------



## Sq9

Thank you diy xx


----------



## Primmer

Sounds like you are doing an amazing job and being poorly during introductions would not have helped. After all the time taken to get to this stage it is natural that it all feels a bit unreal and terrifying.


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Ah lovely, your baby is home!! Sorry you've been poorly, introductions suck the life out of you, it's no wonder so many people get sick. Looking back at my posts I was so in love with my daughter from the word go, but actually I think it was the concept of her and being a mummy. It's nothing like the love now. It just comes one day, I can't tell you when. I remember my social worker asking if I loved her yet (during intros) and saying it was ok if I didn't. I said to her that I loved that she was my daughter and would be totally devastated if anyone had said the plan had changed but that I didn't know it was love yet. It wasn't, it is now


----------



## Wyxie

I've been really out of touch recently, and lovely to come on and read this, apart from the vomiting bit of course.  I am so very, very happy for you.


----------



## Frangipanii

Amazing, huge congratulation 🎊 so very verypleased for you! Enjoy every moment x x


----------



## Sq9

Little pink has been home with us for 2 weeks now but it seems like so much longer than that.  She's come a long way in that short time and has settled really well, but I think the grief of leaving foster carer is starting to come out and she's been very unsettled at times, particularly around tea time.  SW was out yesterday for visit and said it is probably that.  She's really pleased with how well little pink is doing - she's almost crawling and I think she'll be walking not long after that.  She's definitely becoming attached to hubby and I which is an amazing feeling, but I still feel like I'm babysitting her.  That feeling has been slightly less in the last few days and hopefully it will continue in that direction.  She's said her first words which of course were dada.  Sounded like mama to me  
I took her swimming yesterday as she loved going with foster carer.  How on earth anyone is able to cope with changing themselves and a baby on their own is beyond me!! I went with my sister and 2 nieces and we went in a family changing room so I had help, but I felt like I needed a lie down by the time we got into the pool. Lord knows how you're supposed to go to the loo if you go to the baths in your own!!! 
I hope everyone else is ok


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sounds like you're doing amazing hun.  For swimming I take a pushchair and both the girls have towels with hoods. I take off costumes put on towels which stay on due to over the head design. Youngest sits in pushchair.  Change me otherwise I soak them. Then they're dry by the time I'm done change them one at a time.  Xxxx


----------



## Sq9

8 weeks ago today we brought little pink home for keeps. I can't believe it's been that long but at the same time it has gone in a flash.  She is an adorable, funny, happy and settled little lady which is amazing considering she's only been with us for 2 months.  She's coming on in leaps and bounds - she started crawling about a month ago and is trying to stand up, she's got 2 teeth and has conquered the issue with lumpy food which the professionals were making such an issue about (it wasn't an issue, turns out she just didn't like the jar food she was being given at foster carers  ). 
We feel totally blessed at how lucky we are to have such a perfect match for us and our whole family who utterly adore her.  Despite all of the massive positives, I still don't feel like she's my daughter and that we're just babysitting her.  I think a lot of that has to do with not being able to apply for the order yet and the fact that we've changed her name (her birth name is now her middle name) but all official records are still her birth name.  To me, that is a different child.  
We found out this week we can't apply for the order at the usual time because our sw has messed up and our dbs checks ran out in April so we have to re-apply which could take 6 weeks or so.  I'm gutted as was hoping that by her first birthday in January we would at least know whether the order was going to be opposed or not, but we won't even be able to apply by then now.  
We also found out this week that despite being told by little pink's sw in August that DNA testing on sibling to check whether she has 3 full siblings or not (birth mother refusing to name who birth father is and father of 3 siblings who little pink is double of, didn't turn up for dna test), nothing at all has been done about it and we haven't seen or heard from her sw since the 28 day review despite her telling us she was coming out 2 weeks ago but didn't turn up.  Our sw has now taken it upon herself to get the dna testing done so that when she's old enough we can hopefully tell little pink her full life story. 
We got her official life story book 2 weeks ago which has much clearer pictures of bm and siblings than the one the fc gave us.  Since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about them. Seeing her with her 2 eldest siblings at the final contact breaks my heart to think they won't see her grow up because of circumstances beyond anything they could control. My curiosity got the better of me and I looked bm up on ******** and seeing posts from the eldest sibling saying she is just waiting til her brothers and sisters are old enough to be able to come and find her is so very sad.  She's more than old enough to understand that her mother doesn't have the tools or the skills to be able to safely parent but she is still standing by her and supporting her.  
I think throughout the assessment process and waiting for our match, I had put the whole birth family side of things to the back of my mind but it has really bitten me on the bum in the last few weeks.  If bm had been given the kind of upbringing and childhood I had, she probably wouldn't be in the situation she is now.  I am so very grateful for everything we have and totally appreciate now more than ever how lucky I was to have the parents I have.
So, we're looking forward to our first sparkly christmas together. I'm not really feeling that Christmassy yet but can't wait to have hubby home with us for 2 weeks over the festive period so that we can have some fabulous memories of this special time together as a family.
I hope everyone else is ok and looking forward to the magic and sparkle of the next fees weeks


----------



## Frangipanii

Congratulations on such a lovely milestone! Lovely to read a wonderful update! 
Don't get me started on birth family! I have no sympathy seeing the damage they have caused to my daughter!hope you get the dna test done. Life history is important. For myself even I don't have all mine and it crosses my mind alot. Not that t makes any difference to my attachment to my family of course! 
Baby boy has been here five weeks now.I think ours our a similar age, how old is your dd. He is a little behind developmentally however. I think
Beautiful post though. Much love to you all x x x z


----------



## Primmer

Lovely post SQ - great to hear that you are all settling into family life and hope you can apply for the AO soon xx


----------



## Sq9

Little pink has been home now for 12 and a half weeks.  The last few weeks have been full of some horrendous and also some amazing times. I absolutely adore christmas but this year has been nothing like the magical time I'd hoped it would be.  My mum had a stroke the week before Christmas and then hubby was rushed into hospital (I say rushed - we had to wait an agonising hour and a half for the ambulance) with pneumonia and pleurisy on Boxing Day.  It started  on christmas day after he'd made the most delicious Christmas lunch for 7 of us but then couldn't eat it as he felt so ill.  He thought it was flu so went to bed but got worse quite quickly on Boxing Day morning.  So he had a 4 day stay in hospital.  Thankfully both he and mum are on the mend - mum has been extremely lucky and doesn't have any lasting damage from the stroke. Hubby not being here was awful as little pink was quite unsettled although under the circumstances she coped really well.  I felt very torn between keeping it just me doing meals and bedtime etc for her, and needing to be at the hospital with hubby.  In the end I managed other than Boxing Day when my sister came over and did tea and bedtime, to keep it being just me doing everything other than play and sil and bil came and played with her for a couple of hours inbetween nap and tea so I could go and see hubby during visiting hours.  I think they thought I was being totally ridiculous insisting on rushing back to give her her tea, but I was trying to keep things as normal as it could for her.  It was completely exhausting but on the plus side it has given me and little pink some lovely bonding time.  
Little pink is thriving and an absolute delight.  She has such a lovely personality and is a happy, chilled little person.  Everyone adores her and we can't believe how lucky we are to be her parents.  Unfortunately though, I still feel like we're just looking after her for the time being and I don't feel like she's my daughter.  I'm trying really hard not to worry about it and just let things happen in their own time.  I've talked a bit to hubby about it but he doesn't get it really because he fell for her the day we met her and has felt like she's his daughter from very early on.  We have been incredibly lucky to have had such an amazing match and I feel so very grateful for that, particularly as  others on here are going through some horrendous times with their lo's, but I don't understand why I don't love her yet.  I adore her, would do anything for her and would go to the end of the earth to protect her, but it doesn't feel like love.  I don't know if I'm holding back a bit because until we have the order, birth mum could still appeal and in theory little pink could be taken away from us, or whether it's just that I need more time.  My feelings are definitely growing and as little pink becomes more settled she's getting more affectionate and gives some lovely hugs but mainly to hubby not me and I do feel a bit jealous of how easily he's fallen in love with her.  
Added to all of that, it is little pink's first birthday tomorrow and I can't stop thinking about birth mum.  I can't imagine what she must be thinking or feeling or how little pink's 2 siblings that know about her must feel at missing out on her first birthday through no fault of their own.  Little pink is growing up so fast - she's nearly walking, wanting to feed herself and is talking away. I feel like this precious time is slipping away and I just want to be able to press pause and rewind and play all the good bits again!! 
It is so hard sometimes. This parenting business is certainly a very rocky road, however you come to it, and I probably just need to get a good night's sleep and stop expecting too much too soon. 
I hope everyone is ok and those needing support get everything they need very quickly.


----------



## mummy2blossom

Wow you have had a lot to deal with and the worry for your mum/hubby must have been tiring. You sound like you made things work & given the circumstances kept things as normal for Lo as possible  
I'm glad everyone is on the mend & little pink is doing so well, what you say about babysitting is something I felt in the very beginning but it does go! About the first birthday thing, bm was taking up a lot of my thoughts before and after (admittedly not much on the actual day as we had so much fun). I think it's only natural to think of bm at this time and I liked to think she was thinking of blossom. I think I acknowledge that there will occasionally be times when bm is in my thoughts and I plan to tell blossom this when she's older as I think it's important for her to know that we think about bm too!

Sorry if I've waffled on with this, but just wanted to say ur not alone on the first birthday thoughts thing


----------



## Sq9

Thanks mummy2blossom xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi lovely  

So sorry to hear of all the worry with your mum and then your hubby. So glad to see they're both doing so much better. I think you did totally the right thing with little pink given the circumstances. It's so hard when you're pulled in all directions but you kept as much routine and consistency as you could and that will have been just what she needs. She sounds a little love. Don't worry too much about your feelings towards her, you have a massively strong foundation and one day you'll realise you just love her completely, it'll creep up out of nowhere but will be wonderful xxx


----------



## Wyxie

I've just been catching up on your diary, what an incredibly busy first few months you've had.  I'm so glad to hear your husband is on the mend.  It sounds like you managed as well as anyone could have hoped to.  It's lovely to hear about your daughter.

The swimming thing made me laugh.  I take both of mine on my own, it's an interesting logistical challenge and my husband thinks I'm crazy!


----------



## Sq9

33 weeks ago today we brought our little princess home for keeps and today was the celebration hearing.  It's been the most amazing as well as at times, difficult time of our lives. Little pink is the most amazing little girl with such a mischievous but also laid back personality.  She's not quite walking yet which at 16 and a half months is raising eyebrows with the health visitor, but she'll do it in her own time so I'm trying very hard not to worry about it.  She literally runs from one end of the room to the other pushing her walker so it isn't that she can't I think it's just that she hasn't realised yet that she has the ability to do it.  In all other areas, she brilliant.  She's a proper little chatterbox and loves to read books to herself.  I'd love to know what goes on in her head when she talks and whether it makes sense to her, and more to the point, when we babble back whether that makes sense to her!!
I've struggled a lot more than I ever thought I would with my feelings for little pink. I felt a connection with her when I read her cpr  and would have jumped in front of a bus for her from day 1, but the love has been a long time coming and even when that did come, I didn't fell like her mum.  A lot of that has been to do with me feeling guilty I think.  Guilty at how lucky we've been being matched with little pink and how easy a baby she is compared to the tough issues a lot of people who adopt face and guilty that we get to enjoy her when her birth family can't.  Birth mum's history is tragic and she simply doesn't have the skills to be able to safely parent.  To her enormous credit, she accepted that and agreed for little pink to be put in care at birth.  She didn't engage in the proceedings and didn't attend the final hearing or the adoption hearing.  That made things for us easier but I  don't understand why she didn't fight with every bone in her body to keep her baby and that thought clouded my feelings I think for the first few months.  We still had lots of amazing and precious times, but I do wish I'd not spent so much time dwelling on things that have happened and are beyond my control.  It blows my mind to think that little pink is part of our family and has 2 amazing cousins who she adores, but she also has 5 siblings she won't be able to grow up with.  We found out 1 sibling lives quite close to us so we had thought direct contact with her may be an option but she was adopted when she was 7 and so has lots of memories and scars from her early life and her parents didn't think it was the right thing for her to be told about little pink yet, so direct contact isn't going to happen.
The last few months have been much easier in terms of my feeling and since the order was granted in April, I feel like it's been a new start and I really do feel like little pink's mum.  I don't know if that has been holding me back, thinking that in theory, the application could be refused and little pink placed back with her birth family, even though the reality was it would never have happened. There have been a lot of times when I've been very jealous of dh's ability to just take things as they are with little pink and not think about her birth family. He loved her from day one and felt like she was his daughter with no complications.  I've worked in care work for many years and although that knowledge has helped with some parts of the adoption process, it has also been a massive disadvantage for me because I know in so much detail how the proceedings work. Now though, the proceedings have finished and we can get on with being a family.  I still have just over 5 months off work and am very excited at the prospect of being off for the first time ever for the school summer holidays so we can spend lots of time with me sister and her bonkers kids.
I'm so looking forward to our future with little pink.  She is just the most amazing little person.  Hearing her laugh melts my heart and I'm loving being her mum.  I really do believe we were destined to be her parents.  The long wait to be matched was very difficult at times, but it was meant to be because we were meant to be her parents.  I know a lot of people on here are having very long waits at the moment and are feeling despair and that they will never be matched.  All I can say is hang on in there because it is so, so worth the wait.  I can honestly say the pain of waiting melted away when we were matched with little pink.  I can't imagine our lives without her now and am so grateful we stuck to our guns and waited for her.  I do wonder sometimes what our lives would have been link if the order had been granted for the little blue we were meant to be linked to the week before we were linked with pink.  It was just meant to be.  I also hope that those having tough times and not getting the help that they need are able to access support very soon.  
Take care everyone, you're amazing xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So lovely and honest.  I think how long feelings take is really underestimated in the process also how complex they can be as there is so many additional dimensions involved.  Congratulations on your order being granted amazing news xx


----------



## Primmer

SQ that was a lovely update. Congrats on your celebration hearing and adoption order, enjoy your summer with your little pink and the rest of your family. Thanks for sharing your feelings, it was really helpful xx


----------

