# good news but why do i feel so angry !!



## julie0203 (Oct 23, 2006)

well my uncles partner has had a baby girl today , she was 9 pounds 6 and they have called her kelsi, im so happy to see them happy but i feel so angry i cant give that joy to my husband i feel so ashamed I'm even saying that i feel angry when we should be celebrating the birth of my cousin :-( In 3 months we will be celebrating the birth of my SIL baby as well she is due to have a baby boy i just wanna   
I'm sorry to post such a me me me post ladies i hope your all well 
Julie xx


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

Hi

Congratulations to your uncle and his partner BUT I can totally understand why you are feeling the way you do...its only natural hun...this whole ttc journey is such an emotional roller coaster and I think pretty much each and every one of us can empathise with exactly what you're going through now.

I'm quite a bit older than you & I think I can safely say that out of all the couples in our group of friends who want children, we are the only couple who don't have any or aren't pregnant !!  Last year we had about 7 couples have children (some on their 2nd)....and then this evening, my DPs best mates girlfriend phoned me (we're good friends too) to tell me she's pg again (she wanted us to know from her before everyone else found out)...anyway, this will be her 3rd child within the same amount of time that me & DP started trying...infact we started ttc in June 2003 and I believe they only started ttc in November 2003 !!
Whilst I'm obviously happy for them (I wouldn't wish what we're going through on anyone), its still difficult when we've not even had our 1st baby yet...thank god we booked for our 2nd ivf this morning (to start in couple of months) as its really helped me deal with this news !!

Anyway, sorry didn't mean to waffle on about me but I just wanted you to know that what you're feeling is perfectly natural and you're not alone....and your time will come !!

Loads of luck to you    
Take care
Natasha


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## wendycat (Nov 18, 2006)

Don't feel ashamed! We all feel like that. My friend just had a baby girl, when I found out I ried and cried, i havn't been able to go and see her yet, I am so worried about spoiling it for her and making a tit of myself by bawling my eyes out!  

Wendy
xx


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## sarahstewart (Aug 4, 2005)

just wanted to send you a hug and tell you its normal to feel that way hun......I can't help cos I still struggle to cope with it too.  I am here for you to rant to anytime!

Sarah


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

Don't worry - you are normal   I'm sick to death of having to be happy and full of joy for other people.    It does kind of get easier the more it happens, at least I'm getting people out the way ie friends and SIL etc, before I was always on pins waiting for the announcement every time they phoned or visited.
We are all here for you and we DO know how you feel hun  xxxx


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

Hi Julie,

You're definitely not alone on this! Since March 2006 I know 8 people that have announced pregnancies!! Some of them were trying, some weren't and one was my best mate and the other my SIL. It's been an incredibly tough year for me and at times my DH doesn't understand why I get angry when I hear about yet another happy announcement   

Of course it's wonderful news for anyone but I want it to be our turn! My SIL and best mate gave birth before xmas and although it's absolutely fab to have 2 new babies in my life it's hard to deal with at times. This weekend I was invited to my mates along with our other pregnant friend (her second child) but I knew I needed a break from 'other peoples babies' even though he is my godson! It sounds horrific and some people find it very difficult to understand but keep your chin up. 

It will be our turn soon enough and when it is, it will be just our pregnancy so we won't have to share any of it with anyone   

Ros
x


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

me again   just wanted to add, after reading wendy and angel's posts about not seeing babies and pg ladies...I do find bumps really hard so tend to start avoiding friends when they're bumps get bigger...

...and I think one of the worst things that happened to DP & me recently was our last friend to have baby couple weeks before Xmas...not only did they not tell us they were pg until she was quite a bit over 3mths (she'd been avoiding us although her DH used to come out he'd make excuses - and everyone else knew she was pg apart from us !)...but when they had their little girl they named her Lily...ok you say...but this was/is the name that DP and me always said we'd call our little girl if we had one and all our friends were well aware of this considering we've been ttc for so long and this couple got pg within 3mths of ttc...so as you can imagine I was really really upset, both of us were hurt as we just found it a bit thoughtless and insensitive (she is sposed to be one of DPs best mates that he's known since he was about 16)  We found out baby's name from someone else (they didn't tell us) and we've still not gone to see her.  Feel awful as its not the baby's fault but still feel terribly hurt....

Anyway, sorry for my moany rant...must be hormones as AF due this w'end !!

Take care
Natasha


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

Natasha  xxx


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## sarahstewart (Aug 4, 2005)

mInxy

I know what you mean about bumps I avoid pg friends BUT I can cope with babies


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

me too


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

strange isn't it    I too am fine with babies (although not so much new borns) but bumps just make me  

big hugs for all of us...

   

N x


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

I think its the fact that I want to feel what they are feeling if that makes sense, i want to feel what it feels like and to have people ask me about my pregnancy etc


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## ☼♥ Minxy ♥☼ © (Jan 13, 2005)

yes, I think thats what it is...I physically want to be pregnant !!  The friend I mentioned who named baby Lily, she did nothing but moan whole way through and another friend actually said she was p!ssed off with her cos she said "I bet you'd give anything to have morning sickness wouldn't you Nat !!"...and its true !!!  Although ask me again when/if I do conceive and I suffer !!!  xx


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

I will remember what you have said!!

my friend who was expecting used to have a little moan and then say "oh but i'm not complaining", at least she realised that I'd do anything to have the things that she was having and kept her moans to herself


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## b3ndy (Sep 13, 2005)

Flower, Natasha - I can totally empathise with your bump feelings - in fact before Xmas I sent an email to all my close girlfriends (some of which are still due their second bumps any day) to update them on my situation with IUI...I told them point blank that because this was so important to dh and I, we were going to take some 'time out' to concentrate on ourselves. I said we weren't being anti-social but I would be avoiding bumps and babes for a while, because this was the only way I could cope with things....and added that if they truly understood what we'd been going through they'd understand why we had to do this. 
I got replies from each and every one of them ....most of them in   wishing us well....I think it did the trick.
I have another friend who I've actually decided not to see until I have a bump of my own...she's had no trouble at all conceiving her 3 bumps....in fact they were only planning on two until she decided she wanted a boy (just to have either would have been enough for me) Anyhow, when I contacted her after they had their third (a boy) all she did was moan about how hard it was ....I was sooo angry when I got off the phone, as she knows what i've been going through...i vowed not to make an effort again as I felt she'd been totally selfish and uncaring. 
If there's one thing I've learned through this - it's to put yourself first!


S
xx


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## tracyb (Aug 29, 2005)

I am exactly the same, I find it hard to cope with bumps, strangely enough it seems easier to cope with babies, but like you Natasha, not straight away!!

All I can think about is getting past the first scan, then 12 weeks and then having a nice little bump (or probably huge!!)  I guess I don't let myself think past that......

Oh well, just need to get that BFP first.............


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## sammylou2 (Sep 7, 2006)

Like many of you i have struggled with bumps, babies and all things related   

I go into the city centre for a walk and some fresh air most lunch times and if I'm not staring at pregnant women I'm checking out what prams are in fashion..... 
I bought my friend a baby book (the type you fil in) from the book club at work and ended up buying one for my non existant baby too, nobody knows as I'm sure they would think I'm losing the plot but i just couldn't help it.

My worst nightmare is having a BIL who has two beautiful girls and would rather be at snooker or out round town drinking than spending time with them, he didn't even want to stay in on Xmas eve... it really hurts when i see the disappointment on DH face every month there's a BFN.  I've come very close on a number of occasions to saying something but what's the point, he wouldn't change.

Julie, we all really know how you are feeling and don't feel bad for wanting what your Uncle has it's only natural.  
There is one thing, our babies will be the most loved and wanted children when they do finally arrive  

Sam xx


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## samper (Aug 16, 2006)

I'm so glad to hear that it's not just me who suffers from 'Pregnancy envy'. 

It's the way people tell us as well, we're always the last to find out and they tell us in a really pitying fashion wish really riles me. 

Ironically all the people we knew who got pregnant last year had been told they would find it difficult to conceive naturally because they had either PCOS or endo- they all got pregnant effortlessly without even trying. We've got no obvious physical problems.

I'm going to make a real effort to be more positive this year


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## AngelMoon (Dec 1, 2006)

It's a real difficult situation as when I tell those already with babies or non pregnant ladies they seem so shocked and sometimes appalled   I try to tell them I can't helping envious/angry/sad, etc and the feeling will only go away when I finally get that  

Also does anyone else find that certain family members don't help the situation? I get on well with my MIL but ever since my SIL found out she was pregnant (not planned at all) it's like she says things to get me upset/angry!!   All she talks about now is the baby and how much she loves him, how gorgeous he is, how well my SIL is doing, etc etc. I hate her for it!!    She should be more understanding to my situation, after all it's still her son that can't have a baby either (even though he is all okay in that dept). She also loves to tell me when other people are pregnant - FFS think before you speak!   

Ros
x


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## bambii9 (Jan 5, 2007)

Hi Julie,

Hope you feel better.  I know exactly how you feel.

 

Take care of you xx

Lynda xx


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## julie0203 (Oct 23, 2006)

Hi All sorry its took so long for the reply! i have had a couple of days out over at my moms as things really seem to be getting on top of me alot lately, its so nice that im not alone in how i feel i just felt so awful for saying it about my uncles baby although they have been very good and not rubbing mine and dhs face in it which is good unlike my SIL she phones me just to do that   and has the cheek to say it wouldn't bother her if she wasn't preg is just a bit of an inconvenience !!!!! i swear i could just scream at her at times but hey there is always going to be people like that in the world i know if i ever get a child they will be the most loved and important thing in the world and they will at least know they was wanted  
I hope you are all ok and having a nice weekend 

Thanks again everyone  
Julie


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