# Rejection at Matching meeting ... again



## KJB1978 (Nov 23, 2010)

We have been linked to two LO's in the past 2 months and have been the "unlucky" ones twice now when it has come to the matching meeting.  Once because the other couple had been waiting longer than us and the latest one because they wanted someone with adoption experience.  

We have been sent the CPR of another LO and this time I just felt something when I read it and feel like this is my baby but have been told that yet again the SW wants to take 2 of us to the matching meeting.  I feel crushed as we had been told initially that we were the only ones going for him, now we are back in the same boat as last time.

I feel sick constantly and am so anxious and I dont even know when the FLM meeting is.  The SW is very annoyed too but I am so disheartened I feel like giving up and I really do not think I will cope very well if we get rejected for a third time.

Anyone else been through this??


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

We don't do this in our la, I think its totally unecessary. They should just choose who they think is best for the lo and not put people through this. Last time if they wanted experienced adopters the lo was probably quite challenging so maybe for the best in that case. As this is the 3rd time I would hope they wouldn't turn you down again. Good luck


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

KJB,

I'm so sorry to hear this    

I think competitive matching is so unfair and causes so much unnecessary upset and stress.  

The LA we were with during our assessment basically have weekly 'linking meetings' and after they have agreed on the best match they then approach that applicant (or applicants if it's a couple), if the best matched couple don't wish to proceed then they go back to the next linking meeting and see if there is another suitable match for that particular child.
Why can't they all do it like that? It's so wrong to put you through such worry. 
I have everything crossed that it will be your time this time.  

Anj x


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## nutmeg (Aug 21, 2009)

What a horrible situation to be in   my heart goes out to you. I agree with the others that this type of matching causes so much stress and heartbreak and it is a system our LA won't use.
I hope this child is the one for you and will think positive thoughts    If the worst happens could you ask that you only be told about lo's in the future where you are the only / first choice?


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## KJB1978 (Nov 23, 2010)

Thanks Ladies - we were not told about the first 2 (thankfully) until after as my SW is sensitive and thinks it is a disgusting and unnecessary process putting people through this.  

We were only told about the latest LO because it had been agreed that we were matched and then no sooner had we been told and shown all the adorable photos and details somebody higher up dropped their opinion in and added another couple.  Which is why my SW is so angry as she knows I am a bit emotional at the best of times and would not cope well with this situation.

It makes me so mad that some LA's do this and others don't.  Why is there not a set procedure??

I'm trying to be optimistic and thinking 3rd time lucky as I felt such a strong emotion when I saw him and he looks so much like my DD.  Not sure if that is because there was an instant bond or just he is gorgeous and its hard not to be attached to someone so perfect.

Grrrrrr


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## Kestra (Sep 7, 2009)

Hi,

I had to go through competitive matching too and it is horrible! I remember being in tears in work after taking the phone call that we were not matched with a LO. 

We were 3rd time lucky after I told our SW that I wished we weren't told about matching and a month later we got the call to ask if we wanted to see a profile and dvd. We found out the next day, when I rang to say we would like to be considered, that we had already been matched. I felt this was a much better way of doing things esp as I trusted our sw to know what was best for us.

He is now asleep upstairs in bed! 

I really hope that it is your time

xXx


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## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

This is so unfair and a really hope that this lo is for you, third time lucky 

We have told our SW we only want to know about any matches when we are the only ones in the running, I really could not go through of having seen and read the child's profile and then get turned down, it is so cruel. A friend of mine was turned down because her garden was to small, even though there was plenty of room for a swing a slide and still room for a line and a seating area   It is just so bloody wrong. It later turned out that this practical SW had a view in her head on what type of couple, house, garden and location she wanted for this child but they fell down just because in HER view the garden was to small. Pathetic.

I'm going now before I have a bigger rant.

Good luck and I will have every thing crossed for you. 

Skyblu.xxxx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Sorry not been through what you are going through & I can tell by your post how upset and angry this has made you feel.....your only human and you've been through enough already to get approved so when this happens it knocks you for six and you wonder if it will ever happen for you.
The answer to that question is though that YES it will happen and you will be a forever Mummy and you will look at your child and honestly you will forget all the pain you are going through right now..........although that's hard to believe right now...........I am a great believer in fate and your time will come.......hopefully 3rd time lucky as they say.
Stay strong, you will be a Mummy and I look forward to reading your news.............


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## someday (Sep 11, 2008)

I hate that there is more than one couple competing as such for the child. I think it's unfair for the child and most definitely the couples. I'm so sorry this has happened again. I really think any competition should be early in the matching and without your knowledge. I mentioned this to our SW and she agreed that it would be very early on and we might never know about it. Hopefully it won't be too long before you get your match xxxx


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## KJB1978 (Nov 23, 2010)

Thank you all for your lovely words x

Its been a week since the spanner was thrown in the works and we were told we have to go to FLM.  I called today and nothing has happened since last week.  I was kind of hoping to at least have a date in the diary to work towards but to not even have gotten round to setting a date is just infuriating.

I really feel like exploding but I know it will get me nowhere and will look bad.  Its so unfair I feel totally paralysed by this.

Hmppphhhhh


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## KJB1978 (Nov 23, 2010)

FLM started at 11, our SW is out and the rest of the panel are deliberating our lives and it is now almost 1.  I honestly think my heart is going to explode...

Have spent the morning shaking like a bowl of jelly and have been sick twice.  Ive nobody to talk to (other than DH who is a state at work) as we want to keep it quiet 

Ahhhhhhhh - I hate this so much.  I just want to quit 

Anyone out there


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## shenagh1 (Oct 14, 2010)

Kjb didn't want to read and run I haven't personal experience but you are a very brave woman to have come this far already and both u and ur dh should b applauded for your strength    I    this is your time xx


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## Loubieloo (Aug 26, 2012)

Hi kjb, my heart goes out to u   just hang in there chuck.... I no how u feel competitive. Matching is just horrendous!!! I no this is an old saying but wot wil be wil b and I truly hope it is for u both   we too have been through this but unfortunatly were not successfull... Hopeing to get there soon xx jusy hang in there and let us no how u get on xxxxxx


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

KJB....thinking of you and sending more big hugs   , hope you're ok and hope it was good news   

Anj x


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## KJB1978 (Nov 23, 2010)

Woooohhhoooooooo - they finally said YES!!!!  There is too much to do to get placed by the end of November and they wont allow introductions to go on over December incase there are issues so all being well our little boy will be coming home in January.

Thanks god that nightmare is all over.  Keeping everything crossed that the rest of the process runs smoothly now

Thanks for all your help xxx


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

KJB, that's wonderful news!!    
HUGE congratulations to you both!   
Anj x


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Ah that's fantastic news!


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## Duckling (Oct 5, 2009)

Such wonderful news. You have been so brave. CONGRATULTIONS!     Xxx


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

Congratulations, I have intros in January also.


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## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

OH well done, you must be over moon. 
I hope January comes by quickly for you.
Skyblu.xxx


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Congratulations - what a wonderful start to 2013, here's hoping it wizzes by


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## Damelottie (Jul 26, 2005)

Oh I had been reading and I am SO SO thrilled for you. Many congratulations and all my good wishes x


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## bambinolove (Jan 4, 2010)

Congratulations KJB!!! Fantastic early crimbo pressie!!!


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## KJB1978 (Nov 23, 2010)

Thanks for all your lovely messages, I really do not know what I would have done without you all and the other lovely Ladies from FF, you've been there through IVF hell, miscarriage, adoption, more waiting and torture and now finally some good news!!!


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## DiDi2012 (Mar 16, 2012)

So happy for you!!! Enjoy the getting ready, buying late Christmas presents for him etc   !! Have a great time!!


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