# How to deal with children's comments in school



## Juby1 (Jun 11, 2010)

Hi everyone,

I'm an adoptive Mum to my DS, who we adopted 4 years ago when he was 18 months. We have 4 weeks ago had our second DS come home again aged 18 months (they are not birth siblings). Our eldest is in Foundation stage at school. Since his little brother has come home there have inevitably been questions about why our eldest has a new brother that isn't a tiny baby by children in his class. The school have been brilliant and our son's class teacher talked to the class about our DS's little brother with a little bit of a child friendly explanation as to what adoption is. This seems to have gone well and my son's friends are all really excited about our son's new brother and make a big fuss of him at school pick up time, which has been lovely.

However yesterday when I had both boys in the school playing field, an older boy, aged 9, who's Mum I have know for a long time and who therefore knows my eldest son is also adopted, came up to a group of children where my boys were playing and started telling them all that both my DS's are adopted. I was completely taken my surprise and found it really hard and upsetting to have my two beautiful son's being pointed at and singled out in that way. None of the other children reacted or asked questions and I don't think my eldest son heard, so I didn't say anything.

Has anyone else had experience of anything similar? I know i can't protect my son all the time he is at school, although god knows I want to e able to!!  I realised after yesterday that I need to equip him with some things to say if children they do ask him about being adopted. I have had some hurtful questions from parents about my son's 'real parents' which i'm sure a lot of adoptive parents can relate to and as hurtful as they are, I can look after myself, but it is so much more difficult and painful when it is being directed at your little one. I know this older boy probably didn't mean to be unkind, but it was the way he came over and started pointing at them and saying it over and over again. It was really hard   

Any tips or advice on how to best equip and support my son would be really gratefully received. We have always been truthful with him about his story in an age appropriate way, but both me and my DH feel we are in uncharted territory with this whole school thing.

xxx


----------



## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

no advice I'm afraid as my son is only just starting school this September but I can very much relate to the comments about 'real parents' -I just say 'you mean birth parents? Yes I know all about his background but I can't discuss it'. It really hurts sometimes though -especially if the comment comes from a friend. It's never meant in a malicious way but it still can get to me.


----------

