# Loski's adoption journey



## Loski

Well I will try and start from the beginning without being boring. I started going out with my dh jan 2003 and he told me on our first date that he had a vasectomy. He already had 2 sons with his previous partner. 19 year old me didn't care I had no interest at all in having children at that point in my life.
So for the next 15 months we got to know each other and I met his sons we all got on great. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and we where really happy. We put our name down for a house together and booked a two week holiday 2 Ibiza our first holiday together, unfortunately we couldn't take the boys as their mam wouldn't let us


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## Loski

So on the 25th April 2004 my dp and his sons stayed at my mams with me and we went to a farm for the day it was a Sunday we all had a great day and it was the first time they had stayed out. When we dropped them off at their mams and her husbands on the Sunday night they where really happy  
6:30am on the 27th April we got a phone call from the police to say that the boys mother had committed suicide. She did it with only my dp 8 and 4 year olds sons there and their 5 month old half brother. His 8 year old had to move her to get help 
Won't go into that anymore, however we where all thrown together rather quickly. (they are 16 and 12 now and I love them more than life and consider them as my sons).


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## Loski

So the next few months where crazy. Dp and his sons lived at his mams, I lived at my mams we tried to spend as much time together as possible but we where 30 minute drive apart and I didn't drive.
We got emergency housing in June 2004 and after decorating boys room we all moved in together. We had our ups and downs but we where happy. The boys had to have lots of counselling and the older one was a challenge and had lots of problems. A lot of these where from the way they where looked after and things they experienced with their mam. They where under social services protection while with her and they got signed off once with us  
Anyway to get to the point I realised after a short time I liked playing the mammy role and caring for the boys. We got a puppy in jan 2005 a black Labrador and we called her Lucy. May 2005 and my dp went in for a vasectomy reversal and our problems began


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## Loski

So from may 2005 we had to wait about 6 weeks I think before dp could hand a sample in and then we had to wait for results. When we went for results we where ecstatic they said it had worked and we shouldn't have any problems. I regret this a bit now but we decided to wait before trying! Some people will probably think that was rather stupid but we had our reasons. 1) we didn't think the boys where ready for another big change and they still had lots of problems that we needed to help them with. Little one was extremely possessive of me as well he used to cry if he couldn't see me now I never see him for Xbox lol.
2) we cancelled our wedding and decided to buy a house instead in the area where I am from cause it's a better area and better schools.
So June 2006 we moved into our brand new home, the boys and dog loved having a garden and the boys have their own bedroom something they have never had.


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## Loski

Sorry that's it's all split up just trying to give bit background  
So skip to nov 2007 I was feeling fed up cause I wanted to try for a baby for ages now but felt like I had to put boys first. Anyway we spoke to councillors and family and most importantly the boys and decided it was time to try and add a brother or sister to our little family. Thought it would be easy how wrong was I we tried for 6 months with nothing happening think I tested every month lol. When we went to docs he asked husband to hand in another sample this came back ok and we where told to keep trying. My dp felt awful cause he knew something wasn't right but no one would listen. So we are into feb 2009 before anyone listens more samples where taken and that came back negative nothing there at all I was heartbroken and dp thought I was going to leave him. Doctors told us we had 4 options these where give it time it might happen lol yes they really said that. Sperm donor I didn't feel comfortable with that. Sperm retrieval and icsi and then adoption.


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## Loski

So I immediately said adoption my dp partner said no 
He wasn't comfortable with it and knew nothing about it. He also said he would rather that I at least try to experience a pregnancy first. 
So we contacted lots of fertility clinics and got info packs. Unfortunately we are not entitled to any free goes of treatment because my dp choose to get sterilised even though he was only 25 when got his vasectomy. Also they said that as he already has 2 children they wouldn't help.so we saved up to pay for it ourselves when we went to first appointment the doctor was awful it was a lot of money to waste as it probably wouldnt work first time, I needed to lose weight I was a size 12-14, and worst of all that I wouldn't miss what I hadn't had!!
I left the room crying and cryer for the next few days. I also decided that she was right I wouldn't miss being pregnant because deep down I knew it wasn't going to happen. So I worked on talking my dp into adoption it didnt take long


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## Loski

So we are into about July 2009 and we have decided that it's about time we got married so the money we saved up for icsi went towards our wedding. We spent the next year learning about adoption and planning our wedding. On August 20th 2010 my dp became my dear husband. We had our sons as ushers and youngest read out a poem he had written in the church in front of 80 people the only time I cried. 
Sept 2012 we phoned adoption agency they turned us down in 1 phone call cause we already have 2 sons and should be happy with that. So that sort of put us off a bit. January 2011 we phoned another adoption agency and they said they would contact us back. When they phoned back they said they wouldn't take us any further cause we didn't have a spare bedroom (told them we had planning permission to add 4th bedroom). Their other reason was because I am a childminder!!


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## Loski

So sort of gave up on adoption for a bit then in April 2011 I was talking to one of the mothers of a child I looked after and was telling her about the problems we had been having. She laughed at me and said that her son that I childmind is adopted he is the spitting image of her lol. Anyway she gave me the local va agency details and I phoned them 13 may and they where fantastic.


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## Loski

So after all the negative agencies this one seems fantastic. They where absolutely lovely on first phone call and a few days later we received info pack and welcome letter. We contacted them to say we where still interested and we had our first home visit on the 23rd may 2011. I was so nervous but the sw was lovely, he had a student with him who asked most of the questions but it seemed to of went well.
Sept we got invited to information day and dates for prep group so excited at this point and counting down the days for info day.
10th oct we had info day was really interesting and a bit daunting some of the things they where saying. We got invited to prep for 20th oct.
Prep group was really interesting and we had a good time. There was 6 other couples with us and we are still in contact with some of them.
1st day we got to know each other and spoke about different aspects of adoption
2nd day medical advisor spoke to us and different professionals in adoption.
3rd day a parent that had to give her children up came to speak to us she was such a brave lady and gave me a different perspective on contact.
4th day we met and spoke to different adoptive parents and had a look at some family books, we also had a little party. Was sad for prep to end really enjoyed it.


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## Loski

November 2011 we got assigned our sw it's the same one that did our first ever visit he specifically asked for us feels a bit special. 
Home assessment started in dec we had 2 visits before Xmas I was so nervous before first visit I felt sick. Sw and my husband spent about an hour of a 2 hour visit talking about lord of the rings was pretty ****** off but find it funny now.
New year and hoping to have a 3rd child this year and be called mammy!
First visit of the year was 9 th jan and my stepsons have to have a separate sw to talk to them and do a report with them for adoption to go in with ours. So she came out today to meet me and dh and explain what would happen with boys.
So in total in jan we had 5 sw visits and I had my medical which was all clear.
Feb husband had his medical that's all clear and our crbs have come back all clear.
We had ten sw visits in feb that included a individual one for me and my husband they both went ok. Dh was first a few days before me so I quizzed him on what was asked lol.
March we had 4 sw visits 1 for us and the rest for kids. All of our references got visited 6 in total. 3 of them had to write up something about us then all six got interviewed as well.
10th April sw phoned just to let us know everything going as planned we hadn't heard from him since early march as he was doing references so it was nice to hear from him.
25th of April we received our approval panel date it's the 14th June so excited.
May boys sw came for a catch up visit with them and our sw worker came out to fill in a few blanks in report. 
22nd our sw came desperate for a photo of me and dh for our report and said it was finished and needed to be read by 4 lots of people and we should get it soon. 
Boys sw came 23rd may with their finished report for them to read and sign.
29 may our sw phoned to say that everything is ok and that we should have report for Friday and that he will come and see us Tuesday afternoon to talk over report and about what will happen on panel day.
So I am upto date now and waiting for par not very patiently lol


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## Maccer

Wow Loski, your journey has certainly been an eventful one, I am so sorry to hear about your stepsons mother.  


My Dp also had a vasectomy and I have two stepdaughters, the eldest one lives with us and we see the youngest every other weekend.  Well done for getting this all down in one go, I look forward to reading about the rest of your journey, good luck at panel on 14th, I am sure you will be great.


MaccerPB x


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## flickJ

What an amazing story, you have certainly been through a lot (Good and bad)  

Good luck for your panel date


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## Loski

Hi par came today sw brought it out at 1 pm. Have read it all wrote down mistakes on sheet of paper. Sw coming tomorrow so I will sign it when he's here and then he is taking it back to office. We also got letter confirming panel we are there 3:30 can't wait. Husband is still reading it he looks sick and in report it says he loves reading lol


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Welcome to FF lovely. What a rollercoaster of a few years you have had, and to stand where you do now is a triumph. Keep smiling xxxxx


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## flickJ

**** luck tomorrrow, hun, be thinking about you - this time tomorrow you could be a mum


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## Loski

Well we arrived half an hour early got pretty much straight in panel room they introduced themselves, asked 2 questions 1) how was my relationship with my mil now. 2) how do we think councilling helped stepson. Then our sw and boys sw said something about us then we where asked to leave the room. After sitting in another room for a bit we spoke to our two sw (I cried like a silly woman lol) then they came in and said they all say YES!!! All of this took 10 minutes couldnt believe it all that stress and worrying and it was done it ten mins. Then we spoke to our sw for a bit he explained what happens next. We have to wait to get it in writing then he has 3 profiles to show us. One of them was just born in nov. I feel so happy today xxx

So now we are back to waiting but feels great to be over that milestone.


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## flickJ

I'm so sorry, I have lost a day this week - I have been trying to remember when people go to panel  

What a fantastic outcome, so simple and quick   and the fact you already have some matches to consider, I am so happy for you


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## nutmeg

Brilliant, congratulations and potential matches too, wow!!


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Congratulations really pleased for you. Xxxx


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## KJB1978

Fantastic news, and matches too!!!  Perfect result


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## Loski

So today has been interesting firstly our sw phoned at 12 to see how we are doing and could he come out at half one to show us some profiles even though ratification hasn't come through yet. Of course I said yes. Half 12 my parcels turned up yeah! 
So at 1pm sw turns up early  and shows me 5 profiles and one stuck out, well she has stolen our hearts, he phoned her sw for more info and no one else is showing interest yet so we meeting a medical advisor and sw on Friday to discuss it further so hopefully we can go forward and get a match 
She is 8 months today and beautiful but I may be biased.


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## Loski

Well lots has been happening and we are officially linked. We have all of her medical reports upto June and information that Fc has said about her.
Our sw been to meeting at the childs sw office and has phoned to say everything is perfect they really want us so we are onto the next stage. They are all coming to our house on the 30th july to meet us and look at our house I hope they don't think the bedroom is too small. Our sw is coming out tomorrow with loads more information to go through and work for us to get on with. I can't wait till tomorrow so we can find out more about our daughter


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## flickJ

That's fabulous news and so quick   

I'm so thrilled for you, good luck for the 30th


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Wow, this is fantastic news! Congratulations my lovely, you will be a mummy before you know it!! Hope time flies for you now, roll on 30th! And until then, enjoy tomorrow and finding out lots more about LO! Yay!! x x x x


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## Loski

Meeting with lo sw and family finder went great they really liked us and told us straight away that they where taking us to the next stage. On the 7th August we went to foster carers house and saw videos and lots of photos of our lo and found out lots more info about her. 
I have a meeting tomorrow witha paediatrician to speak about her and any concerns we may have, we are supposed to be getting all the notes from Tuesday today and some homework to do. All of our paperwork has to be submittedby the 18th August ready for matching panel on the 28th August. As long as weare approved we start introductions on the 6th sept for 10 days.  I can't wait now I keep getting butterflies thinking about it all


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## nutmeg

Wow, you're nearly there, I'm not surprised you're getting butterflies - I had them just reading it! Good luck


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## Loski

Just to let you's know we got a unanimous yes at matching panel yesterday and we start introductions on the 6th sept xx


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## Billybeans

Fantastic news Loski. Many Congratulations. anymore news since?
So exciting.


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## Loski

We got a video of her today we can't wait for thursday xx


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## Dreams do come true

Wow  

I hope intros are going well.

I go to panel with a va in 6 weeks, I hope my journey is as smooth as yours x x x


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## Loski

Hi we have been home for 8 days now with our lo things are going really good and we are loving being mammy and daddy. 
Cantwaittobeamommy, good luck for panel our va where fantastic and you wouldn't be going to panel if there was any problems. Let me know how you get on xx


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