# Don't want to give up...but trying to stay strong



## Baby_Dream (May 7, 2012)

Hello!

This is the opposite post to the one I made less than 20mins ago on FF, where I am looking for egg donors.
But...I need to feel that I am doing the right thing, since I was young I have had an inner feeling that I would struggle to concieve naturally and all women on my mothers side have the same problems, including my younger sister (I am 26yrs old).

Now after 5-6yrs of trying to concieve and various treatments we have been told that I am in early menopause and have a 0-3% chance of IVF being successful with my own eggs.  Our only option now egg donation.  
When we were told I was devasted, even though I had felt for many years I could not concieve on my own the thought that I might be able to concieve just with someone elses eggs took me completely by surprised and knock me sick.  It was a strange sensation. My rock and my support, my amazing boyfriend is the only person that is keeping me going, we choose a while ago to keep this between close family and friends and now I am glad. I cannot bear the false sympathy.

However now, a few weeks down the line I am able to see things in a new light, I am able to understand the concept of being pregnant with a donor egg and the idea that I will carry the baby, build a bond with the baby and most importantly for me allow my partner is have a child that he is blood related too, which seems to be so important for him.  He will make a brilliant father and that thought keeps me sane.

I guess, part of me is tired, sick and laying around in self-pity, I want to give up. I am sick of fighting it and I want to feel like I am back in control. I would like to take a break and then focus on possibly adoption (we decided years ago regardless whether we could have our own that we would adopt). Then the other half of me, claims that is the easy way out, I am giving up on my partners chances aswell and being selfish.  
But for my partner I will try to stay strong, I will try to find an egg donor, to save for private care whatever we need to do, to make his dream of having his own children come true. For now I am happy to keep going...for now I feel in control and for now I can say our journey continues....


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## Billybeans (Jun 16, 2012)

Hi Baby dream,
It sounds like you are keeping a brave face on things. I really feel for you being at the indecisive stage (that is exactly how I feel), However your boyfriend seems to be an amazing support for you.
I hope you have talked lots more to each other and decised which path you are going to take, there isn't a wrong or right answer is there, it's just a case of what feels the best thing to do.
Perhaps you could give it one go with donor and then move on to adoption if you don't have the strength to carry on. Hopefully you want need to make that decision though.
All the best and stary strong for each other


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