# Having a wobble!!!!



## sparkle2811 (Apr 30, 2011)

Hiya, in just wondering if anyone else feels like this 

Myself and my dh are very excited about adoption and we both feel it's the right path. However I'm working my way through the reading list and I find it so depressing! All the book I've read have told such horrible stories. There seems to be a terrible adoption story for every good one! It seems like pot luck! I've just read adopters on adoption and I thought yay a happy book with positive stories only for it to have chapters on children that seemed to have very loving adoptive parents growing up to be drug users and abusive. 

We both have friends who are adopted and have Very successful lives and families but the books all seem doom and gloom! Is it really that bad 

I stopped reading the books and I got my enthusiasm back but then our sw pushed the reading issue again and I'm back questioning it! If it was just me and my dh then I'd not worry so much but we have a dd thanks to years of fertility treatment. 

Surely if adoption was as bad as some of these books make it seem then it just wouldn't be done?? Has anyone read any reassuring books I know adoption is going to be hard and need a lot of dedication and we are prepared for this but surely not all children self harm and are so destructive? I know the first few years will be difficult as any child learns to trust us but it has to be worth it, for the child as well as us?? 

I've read about 10 books now maybe I just need to stop!


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Yes, I had wobbles.  Once my SW saw how susceptible I was to it, she recommended books focussed more on practical action and tips, and encouraged me to stay away from doom and gloom!  It's natural to be worried like this, and no, I don't think all adoptive placements end up like that.

(((((hugs)))))  Deep breaths, treat yourself kindly and know you're going to be wonderful mummy.


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## Guest (Nov 7, 2012)

We also read some very depressing books including adopters on adoption!! 
Our SW recommended reading the "depressing" ones (!) so we know situations which could arise, but one book she recommended which we both enjoy reading is "what every parent needs to know" by Margot Sunderland, about £9 on amazon.  Highly recommend as very practical, it cheered me up!!x


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## sparkle2811 (Apr 30, 2011)

Thanks xxx I've not read any books today and I feel better. I know there is a risk of it going wrong but I don't need to keep reading it. I think I have got the picture with the bad cases. 

Thanks dinks, is that a book on parenting adoptive children? X


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## Guest (Nov 7, 2012)

Hi, no it's a book about parenting any child, which I loved as its just down to basics for every parent, birth or adopted.  Finally made me feel that I will be a normal mummy as this is a book that any mummy would read!!xx


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## Guest (Nov 7, 2012)

Sorry meant to add that they are just children with children's needs, don't be put off, that book restored my faith in why we are going for our family a different route.x


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## nutmeg (Aug 21, 2009)

If you already have a BC, a book worth reading is "when Daisy met Tommy". We read this as we were going through HS and it's mostly positive with a good view from BC's point of view.


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## DiDi2012 (Mar 16, 2012)

A great book is The Connected Child by Katryn Purvis, gives you some thought to plan and work on... Try not to get depressed, just think of any strategy you can to help these kids... I find Bryan Post inspiring, and Nancy Thomas... especially when she answers the question about whether these children can heal with : Yes, they can heal, one hundred percent...!!


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## Jules11 (Jun 21, 2011)

Hi Sparkle,

I know exactly what you mean.  During HS and much reading, books and the AUK website, I had a huge wobble.  We have a BC who is 10 and we were and are so concerned that our ambition to parent another child could result in a very broken family.  I even posted a message with the very same title.

The book that helped me to carry on in the world of adoption was "the boy who was raised as a dog".  It helped to confirm my belief that love and a supportive and therapeutic environment could help overcome the most severe experiences.  

We are still on the adoption road.  We are really hoping to be matched with a LO soon.  I really hope we can love and help a little one to have a good and productive life.  They are just little children.  My DH regularly asks what our BC would have to do to make us give up on him and says once we have a new child we adopt the same principle.  They need us to love them "no matter what".  

Reading is good preparation,  I think making a pact with yourself to stick with your LO is even better.

Take care of yourself and your family.

Jules xx


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Hiya sparkle, I hope what you are feeling is perfectly normal because a couple of weeks ago I went through exactly the same. If it wasn't for the advice from some of the guru's on here ( the gave me the proverbial slap across the face that I so very needed!!!) I don't know what I would have done.

Some books need to be banished to the centre of the universe, and I had far better suggestions from the gurls than that for some of the books I have read  yes some of them tell the truth, yes for some people it does go wrong and it can be that bad BUT surely if it was tht bad all the time there would be no second time adopters. Adoption works.
Like Jules said, I also enjoyed 'the boy who was raised as a dog ' as it shows what can be achieved through love and nurturing.


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## sparkle2811 (Apr 30, 2011)

Thanks xxxxx I'm so grateful for this site! I don't know anyone adopting and other people say strange (well meaning) things. I'll read those books! I've just stopped reading. I've read about 10 now so I think I've done my reading. I have to say that I read all the parenting books before my dd and none of them were of any help when she was here. You just get to know your own child and they're individual needs. I didn't mention my wobble to our sw but she talked about all the support they have now to help with the children so we can do the best by them. That was reassuring. 

Like you say jules, there is nothing that would make us give up on our dd and we fully expect to feel exactly the same for an adoptive child.


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