# We are applying for Special Guardianship ... any support welcome



## taboouk (Mar 10, 2011)

Hello All,

Theres so much to say in this post I dont really know where to start but I'll try and make it as "to the point" as possible.

Basically my cousin who is 21 had 2 children, both of which are now not in her care. One is 4 and has gone to live with his father and the other is now 15 months and has been in care since 6 months as he was taken due to purpose injuries - the purpertrator has never been identified but he has remained in foster care ever since - both his parents have learning difficulties.

I am not close to my cousin - I just know about what is going on through her mother who is my aunty by marriage and who i keep in regular contact with. Recently it has come to light that the 4 year is going to stay with his dad and the 15 month old will definitel not be returning to the care of the mother so he needs a new home. If he cannot be placed in the family he will go up for adoption.

SOOOO my auntie, the babies birth grandmother is going to be applying for special guardianship. She already has another grandson living with her under these terms from her other daugter. However, my partner and I were going to be applying for adoption later this year anyway and after VERY careful consideration, decided that we would also put ourselves forward as we already announced to our friends and family that we wanted to start a family before Christmas anyway and we are more than ready to go ahead with this. However, I need some advice and just guidance because the "waiting" part of the process is driving me utterly bonkets. The

The grandmother knows I have put myself forward, she isnt happy BUT she accepts that I have done so. I have done so because I geuninely beleive I can offer the little one the stability and "normality" that he deserves after his traumatic babyhood and then being in 2 different foster homes before the age 1.

So heres my dilemma, I just wondered if anyone could advise on our chances ... just from a very non biased opinion base and not - I wont be taking what anyone says literally of course!

*So - about us: *

We are a gay female couple (26yrs and 29 yrs old) and have been together 4 years, lived together 3 years. 
We both have well paid jobs (relatively) and live comfortable on our earnings. 
We have a 3 bedroom house therefore 2 spare rooms. 
We are very stable, happy relationship and have been discussing starting a family for the last year and were about to get the ball rolling this year with the local authority. 
We wont be giving up work - but have made enquiries about child care vouchers with our employers, local childminders, children centres and I have already been approved flexible working hours if this plan goes ahead. 
We have a fairly "simple" yet active life - we spend lots of time with friends who have children and my partner has a very" normal" family of 2.4 children and has had a nice simple upbringing. We do not have any negative influences around us at all and have a very supportive network of friends. 
We regularly look after my other cousins son who lives with his grandmother (the other applicant) and he is 4 - we also look after our godchildren on a regular basis as well. 
We do not smoke - and we drink socially with friends but not indoors of an evening. 
We have a very positive outlook on life - we never argue (very very rarely!) and are safe and stable in our accomodation. 
I have had a fairly rocky childhood which involved social services until I was 15 but I have spent the last 10 years putting that all to rest in a box and it is dealt with. As a consequent I am a very strong minded, non affected successful 26 year old woman. in my eyes anyway. 
We live approx 100 miles away from the birth parents who will be awarded 2-3 face to face contacts per year (estimated at the moment)

*About the grandmother. *

She is unemployed and lives in a 3 bedroom council house. 
She has her 18 year old son, her 16 year old son and her 4 year old granson living with her under special guardianship - her grandson shares her bedroom with her. She has said she will pay her rent arrears and apply for an exchange so the 2 young boys can share a room. 
The 16 year old son has recently held a knife up to the 18 year old and the police were called and social services intervened by i do not know the outcome. He has ADHD and regularly starts rows and raises his voice in the house and "kicks off" 
She does not smoke around the 4 year old but smokes in the house when he goes to bed and when he is up she smokes in the bathroom (which as a consequence smells like a dirty ashtray!) 
She doesnt have a lot of money, but I know that isnt the end of the world - she lives from benefits and struggles as it is with what she gets. 
She was however, despite all of this, awarded SG of her 4 year grandson who is a wonderful little boy and doesnt appear to have been affected by any of the above. She loves him dearly and I wouldnt want anything to jeopardise his care with her as he loves his nanny very much. 
She has lots of dealings with social services because of her ADHD son and her other daughter who has ANOTHER child who is about to be taken into social services care. 
She has dealings with her daughter, the birth mother on the phone, but there always appears to be arguments going on and some sort of "drama" which I never get involved with.

We spoke on the phone trying to come to an arrangement about who would go for the child in question, but decided we couldnt compromise so SS would hvae to assess us both. My partner and I have our first viability assessment next Thursday and she doesnt have hers booked as yet but they will definitely be doing one. On the phone she said she knew she was being selfish but she wanted him to live with her and if I "got him" she knows she would feel bitter about it and might not want to see him. She saalso made a comment about "if I dont get Child A, Im going to have to take Child B and I dont want that" ... child B is her other daughters baby who will be taken into care and he has physical disabilities.

In my eyes, thats not productive. She also said that her daughter the BM would be able to visit "whenever she watned" The BM has learning difficulties and quite often causes trouble saying different things to different people whatever suits her at the time.

Anyway, so our first viability assessment is next Thursday - my partner is very anxious as she has never had dealings with social services in her life and doesnt understand the processes and what to expect etc.

Can anyone give us advice on this situation, what our chances of actually being awarded care as I know ultimately the courts will look at the reports and decide from there ... and just any advice really.

Im putting my whole life on hold thinking my partner and I may be able to start a family of our sooner than we could have ever dreamed possible but still at the same time, trying not to build my hopes up too much as I knwo the courts try to keep them with their closest birth relatives ... but in this case I beleive that a stable 2 parent family home would be so great for this little boy.

Sorry for the long post :-( I dont know anyone that has gone through this before so Im hoping for some support here x


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## Guest (Mar 11, 2011)

Firstly, hello and welcome to this board.

As for advising you on how likely you are to be successful, I'm sorry but I'm not sure anyone on here can.  You have to trust the SWs to make the right decision for the child and they will look at both parties and all the factors involved, before making up their minds.  You do have lots of positives going for you, but just to warn you, one thing that is likely to be viewed less favourably is that you are unwilling to stop work, so it might be worth thinking that one through in more detail.  

You also say you were intending to start the adoption process - had you done anything to show this was your intention such as contacting local agencies as this might help to show your commitment.  

Our assessment was also specific rather than a general assessment, but we were offered that it could be a general one so if this one didn't work out we would be further down the line for other children.  I'm not sure if that is an option for you, but it would mean you don't have to start from scratch if things don't go the way you hope.

Finally, good luck and hope all works out for you.

Bop


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## taboouk (Mar 10, 2011)

Thanks for the reply and thank you for the warm welcome  

I guess that was the sort of advice I was looking for really. I wouldnt be willing to give up work because I have a career as does my partner and I dont necessarily see the benefit of giving up work because actually financially, we would be able to offer so much less than we can now - and because of my flexible working hours it actually means I will only be looking at childminder care for 3.5 days of the week and only 8-4 so I will have a few hours every afternoon with the little man. 

Also, we have checked our leave entitlement and we can take 2 months off each to spend with him so we will take a full month each and overlap the other month - we've had this checked and it is fine by both employers so he will get a good settlting in period and Im happy to take further adoption leave if he needs it. Iv run through this with the social worker on the phone and she appeared to think this was acceptable as well. 

Thank you for your advice though - thats exactly what I needed. 

We hadnt started the process as yet as we always said we were going to get both our birthdays out of the way this year and start it early summer - which would have been June - but all our family know we were going to be doing it as it was a big thing to announce for us and to know we had our family for support. We have both been doing lots of reading on it and our bedside tables are full of books about adoption and specifically gay adoption and also about attachment etc.  (including the grandmother thats the other applicant who said she would be one of our references because we have her other grandson alot - she also recently wrote her will and left my partner and I as the guardians for her grandson should anything happen to her) 


I think iv just got too ahead of myself in this whole process - I hope the SW can see how wonderful his life would be here and how the complications and drama would be so minimal for him .... fingers crossed. xxx


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## Daizy (Feb 25, 2011)

Hi taboouk,
Can’t offer any advice beyond that which bop has given, just wanted to make particular mention of contact with birth parents and siblings. Social Work would decide what contact was appropriate, and you would be required to go along with their decision (and it COULD mean far more contact with birth parents than 2-3 times per year, and also regular contact with Gran/siblings).


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

Can you get adoption leave if you are granted special guardianship? You may not know this is under the same conditions as maternity leave - so it would mean you could get back into your job where you left off, some of it is paid etc. If one of you could offer that it could go in your favour.


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