# A clinic in London that will treat me - advice please?



## Deb10 (Sep 5, 2004)

Hi All

Could anyone suggest a clinic in London that will treat me. I have a known gay donor - a very close male  friend of mine and soon I will be single.Will do treatment once my divorce has come through.

We wish to have DIUI (using his sperm if all ok) at a clinic so that we can have all the relevant tests done? Do all clinics in UK
incubate the sperm for 6 months?

Thanks, Debs


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## nismat (Mar 7, 2005)

JJ1, who is on the singles thread, has a gay male friend as a donor, via a clinic, which I'm pretty sure is the Bridge. I'm sure that she'll hop on to this thread when she sees it, but thought I would give you the heads up if you want to go and check their site out straightaway


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Hi Debs

My situation is that I was 37 and not found my Right, or wasted time with men who then didn't want children.  So I found myself on my own and decided to take matters into my own hands.  I had some lesbian friends who had conceived using IVF (one after 9 failed iui's) with donor sperm at LWC, and another cycled at Bart's.

I have had one cycle of ICSI with my known donor's sperm  - we got a  -  he also happens to be a gay man.  We are planning the next cycle as I miscarried at 7 weeks and 6 days   .  

I am at the Bridge Clinic so I can only talk about my experience - and they have many same sex couples, single women, known donors.  You cannot get around the 6 month incubation of the sperm, as it is a HFEA regulation. You also have to use frozen sperm.  I had toyed with the idea of presenting as a couple, as I wanted to go to the ARCG due to their high success rates, but you also have to have been together for x years TTC, your GP writes on your "Welfare of a child' form- and I didn't want my child conceived on a lie, or to be discovered and refused treatment. I have been happy enough at the Bridge.

There are only a few clinics in London that treat single women not sure if they all treat girls with known donors- the ones I know of are the Bridge, London Women's Clinic, Lister, Barts.  Clinics that won't treat you with a known donor are ARCG, Chelsea and Westminister, Kings, UCH.

You will also have to self fund as you cannot get funded cycles on the NHS as a single woman or lesbian, and it is the most expensive route to go using a known donor- as you have to stand the cost of your known donors tests, and additonal 1300 in advanced tests, plus the storage etc it worked out about an extra 2K on top of my own treatment.  My cycle costs me about 8500 pounds for ICSI,drugs and tests  and complimentary therapies/vitamins for us both. 

I did ask why it was the most expensive way but as they said the clinic's own sperm donors the blood testing/storage costs are shared between the couples/women using it, and the supply is not guaranteed- whereas with your own donor you have an unlimited supply- not wondering if he has conceived 10 families, plus knowning him for your child. To be honest with the sperm situation now I am so glad I chose this option and have never looked back. 

You can self refer to the Bridge and have an initial appt, then they contact the GP, your donor will have a separate appts, and they see you separately each time as you are not party to his medical information etc, but also he can attend at times conveniant to him, my donor doesn't live in London.  He will then do a sperm sample- this is where our shock came!  He then will need bloods doing at the start - you can get them done else where like GP or GUM clinic- HIV/Hepatitis etc if you want to keep some costs down, if not Bridge do them as one stop- he can start depositing sperm then so you can get your time factor down. Then at the end of the 6 months he is retested.  The counsellor will see you as well. As we were having IVF/ICSI we could have started down regging at 5 months as the sperm would have been released by 6 months. The time does fly by so quickly.

Have you worked out your parenting relationship, will he just be a donor, will he be known to the child as his father, what about siblings? what to tell your family/his family? will he have any remit in parenting/ parental responsibilty etc - there are sample known donor agreements on some of the gay and lesbian parenting sites (Pinkparents etc) that you can go to a solicitor with as a basis, and excellent books by Lisa Saffron- you can also have telephone /counselling session with Lisa and she also runs coparenting workshops where the nitty gritty and legal status is sorted through.  Like his name is not appearing on a birth certs etc.

We had been TTC with home inseminations after having sexual health screens, after 4 months of going to their place for 3 inseminations at ovulation times each week and 's, so I decided to go to the clinic as my age was ticking by and I was inpatient ....  I had numerous offers of sperm from various gay men who were friends, but I had chosen this man for his physical characteristics (we both have same colouring of hair/eyes etc), nature, clean living lifesytle and views on parenting.  Another guy was very keen but he wanted a co-parent 50-50 relationship, and was a recreational drug user, not British so may relocate eventually, so I could forsee issues.

It can be an emotionally trying time, as any TTC journey is, but you will be on your own through it. I hve great friends and my donor and his partner are fantastic support.

My donor is in a committed relationship so we had long chats together before embarking on it, as it was a 3 way decision.  At the clinic on his SA it was then we discovered that he had a low sperm count, we still decided to continue as the reasons I chose him still stood strong for me and we could have ICSI.  With 30-40 % of all men having this issue don't assume that it may not happen to your donor- it was something that we had never considered. We got a  on the first attempt.  To be honest the cycle at the clinic was much less stressful than TTC with home inseminations, as I didn't feel I was responsible for everything  some of it was out of my hands and in the clinics.

My donor's partner has also be a huge support to me and gave me most of my stimming injections, came to ET and came to all my scan's including when we discovered the bay's heartbeat had stopped, then he came with me to the theatre for the ERPC.

Best of luck for your decison and TTC - 
come onto the single girls thread, and also the lesbian thread as there is a lot of info and support there. We also have had a chat session
L xx
PM me if you want any more info.


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## struthie (Sep 28, 2004)

Hi Deb 

Long time no see,I just wanted to wish you lots of luck xxx


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## Deb10 (Sep 5, 2004)

Nismat - congrats on bfp - wising you and DP a happy and healthy pregnacy.


JJ1 - thank you so much for all that info - Im sorry to see that you had a miscarriage and i hope you get some answers with the immune testing - best of luck with your next cycle... your email has given me lots of think about and i will chat to donor - at it will be useful in the first place to see if his sperm is okay to use - he has had all tests done and he is fine....

What happens if we try home insemination - if his tests are all okay but we dont freeze sperm so it hasnt had the incubation period could i be at risk of contracting a disease that could be 'dormat' although all his tests are fine.... just something that concerns me and thinking how i will cope being a single mom etc ! need to think very carefully about it - just worried because of my age and blood clotting issues....

How are you getting on with the bridge? and your immune tests?

Struthie - thanks - wow thats amazing your weightloss - well done!

lots of love to all  xx


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