# Feel so sad and alone



## Penelope Pitstop (Oct 24, 2010)

Hi Ladies,

I havent posted here before, Ive been lingering in the tubal factors forum until now. The title says it all really and just wondered if anyone else is feeling the same on their approach to treatment? Im not sure when we will start IVF as need to have fallopian tubes removed in Feb first and will then enquire about the waiting list for NHS treatment before deciding if we will pay for a private treatment first. I seem to be finding it hard to deal with my emotions at the moment and I feel very low and alone. My friends and family arent a great deal of support as they dont understand what we're going through and keep coming out with insensitive comments which only add to my upset. Im so scared that if Im like this now how am I going to deal with the rollercoaster of IVF? We seem to have to deal with pregnancy announcement after pregnancy announcement and it just seems so unfair that we have been dealt this hand. 
How do you deal with things? Please share your coping mechanisms as I want to get through this sane if possible!!!  

xxxxx


----------



## frannyboo (Jan 7, 2011)

Hi Penelope,

I'm not sure that I can help you with coping mechanisms, I think I frequently feel like this. Furious at the hand we've been dealt and frightened about how we're going to deal with it.  |I also have so many questions ALL of the time, and every answer leaves me with another 10 questions.
It doesn't help that literally everyone around me is getting pregnant, many of my friends are on their second child whilst we've been trying for almost 4 years.

My friends and family are usually lovely and fantastic but it's very difficult being told to be positive by a friend bouncing her baby on her knee or by my mum who managed to conceive 7 (yes 7!) children.
The one thing I can say is that you truly aren't alone. Everyone on here has a slightly different story but everyone wants a baby.

One of the things that is really helping me is being completely honest about my bad days, and to not beat myself up about feeling angry or upset. This is one of the biggest things I've ever been through and I'm not going to apologise for not always being able to be strong about it. 
Sorry I can't give you a silver bullet but I am always here for a rant if you need an understanding ear. As are the hundreds of lovely ladies who have been both successful and are still trying. 
As I said, you're not alone. Frannyboo Xxx


----------



## BikerGirl (Mar 15, 2006)

I will second Franny. You are NOT alone. Anytime you feel like a rant, just come on here and rant. However awful something feels, and however awful it sounds to say it, it feels better to know that others are going through it too, because it helps to know that someone out there can understand, in some small way, how you feel. As Frannyboo said, all our stories are different, all our paths are different, but we all know the pain of wanting a baby so much that everything else fades into insignificance. 
Sending you lots of hugs!!
X


----------



## treza (Jan 18, 2011)

i know how u feel. ive been ttc for 9yrs and forever being told that im lucky that i can do what i want when i want as i dont have the burdon of children. i am a mummy without a child and appart from on here no one around me understands, oh appart from a few people who say they do because they had to ttc for 6 months before they got preg. you are certainly not alone though there are many of us and when ur time comes u will be all the better mummy for it as u will appreciate the gift uv fought for. dont give up be strong it will happen. all the best xx


----------



## Hannushka (Jan 15, 2011)

Hi Penelope,
You are not alone in this, there are hundreds of us here who are going through this too.  I spent half the day crying today, had a rant in my diary here at FF, then cried some more on the phone to some woman in NHS, then to my GP, then to my DH, only to find out I'd been worrying over nothing... my treatment still going ahead and all was ok  

Sometimes is so hard to get the support from the people around because they just do not understand the heart ache we are in, no matter how much they try to support us. I only found this place less than a week ago and have found it an enormous help. I've also been very honest with pretty much everyone around me, they all know about my upcoming treatment. Some people only tell few and chosen friends or family.
I learned very early in my life, when ever something happened in my life that I haven't been sure how to deal with it, I've shared it with everyone around me rather than lock it inside. Big example of that was my mother's depression & alcoholism;I was expected to hide it, keep it a secret, and feel ashamed, but I didn't. I told anyone who cared to listen, and every time I told that story, it helped me digest it myself, it released the bitterness and made me understand her better. I was never ashamed. Today, I am the only one in my family that my now 5 years sober mom can confide in when feeling low.

My DH first told me to keep our problem quiet, but I said no. It was my problem and I would've choked if I had to keep this big secret inside me. At the same time I'm airing out an issue that is much larger than most people think,and by telling about my probs, I might give a kick start to that someone around me who's been suffering in silence.
That's just my way, not many will probably agree... 
Love, Hanna


----------



## belle-bubble (Oct 7, 2010)

Hi Peneope, 

I am so sorry you're feeling this way, I like you have lots of people around me, but not many who really understand what I am saying, they suggest daft things to me, and really inside they don't understand the heart ache we all feel everyday. 
If it helps, we're all in the same boat- I don't know really how we cope, I suppose we just become stronger people through this whole process. 

I'm starting IVF this month (my 3rd cycle) I feel so angry, upset and devestated when people thrust baby scan pics in my face, and the only human reaction is to be as thrilled as them- The truth is if we all knew someone going through redundancy we wouldn't sit raving about how amazing our jobs were, and how happy we were- and thats it, I suppose people just don't realise how we feel. 

Everyone deals with things differently, and I really hope you have someone to talk too, if not please do message me anytime   I don't think IVF is so bad, it's emotional all the ups and downs, and the waiting for the treatment to actually begin, But you should be posative that you are on the right path now. You could try looking for people locally to you on here and seeing if you can talk to someone nearer you, that may be a help. 

All the very best honey, ranting is good, and we all do it. Take care X


----------



## Little Miss Me (May 28, 2010)

Hi there Penelope - hope it's helping just being on here and knowing you're not alone. I went for surgery to help my PCOS and when I was coming round all groggy from the drugs they told me my tubes were screwed and the only way was IVF. What a shock-  very hard to get your head around it but you will. I'm approaching my first cycle now and I'm a complete bundle of emotions - I think it's all just part of the territory and sometimes it does get hard. But just remember you're not alone and you can get on here and let off steam and talk to people who understand. I've also found it's helped me to go to a support group and I've also met up with other FF members for dinner and a chat - it's helped me feel like a normal person again and that I'm not alone. Sending big hugs   

H xxx


----------



## Penelope Pitstop (Oct 24, 2010)

Thank you all so much for your kind replies and sharing your experiences with me. It does help knowing that we are not alone in this (not that we would wish this on anyone) and its has helped me alot to know that what I am feeling is normal!!! 

Hanna, I wish I could be more like you and be open and honest with everyone but those that I have told have not reacted very well and I have been subjected too numerous insenstive comments so I have chosed to keep this quite private for the time being.  

Little Miss Me, thank you for your advice, I am looking for a support group in my area and have booked myself in with a fertility counsellor next week. 

Belle-Bubble thank you so much for your kind offer for a shoulder to cry on.  I really appreciate that as I dont really have anyone to talk to other than hubby and he's not quite sure what to say to me sometimes!!! I am feeling slightly more positive as trying to view IVF as the path to our long awaited BFP!!!! 

Thanks again ladies. 

xxxxxxx


----------



## Little Miss Me (May 28, 2010)

So glad you're feeling more positive now. When they say it's an emotional rollercoaster they aren't lying! Some days it feels totally like 'Yes we can do this - we might even have twins!' and other days it's like 'What if it NEVER works and we NEVER have a family?' and I believe it's quite normal to feel like this - very up and down. But we're all here for each other when we hit the lows. Fingers crossed we get to share some highs too! xx


----------



## ekitten1 (Dec 18, 2009)

Hi Penelope,


i have been floating around the boards recently and didnt quite know where to jump in, I guess here is as good a place as any.


I can totally understand how you are feeling, one minute you are ok, the next you are having a battle to hold the tears in...I am approaching the start of our treatment, just transferring over to Care since I was not impressed with the lack of it in the NHS.


Its very hard for anyone not having faced infertility to understand how hard it is...the few people I have told have all simply wished me good luck and when i try to say how much pain it causes, they just say it will be worth it in the end.....I just want someone to hug me at times and understand that this is damn hard.


The last 2 weeks have been horrible for me, I have felt like I was losing my mind at times and even had to run out of the clinic today almost quitting...but then I read some posts on here and realise that if all these girls on here (and their partners) can cope with it, then I have to be strong enough to too.


You are not alone, every tear you have shed, someone is somewhere doing the same thing, but you have to keep strong, think of that end result you hope for and (saying this whilst pooping myself about my treatment) grit your teeth because the pain, prodding and poking may just be all worth it.


Sending hugs, message me if you need to chat and GOOD LUCK !!


C xxx


----------



## Honor77 (Jan 12, 2011)

Hi all, from another teary, scared, lonely FFer 

My DH and I are awaiting our planning appointment for IVF with ICSI after over 2 1/2 years of ttc naturally and finding out it hasn't happened, and isn't likely ever to happen naturally due to male factors.

I'm finding the reality of it all very hard to deal with - we're NHS with no funds to go private if this one cycle we're entitled to doesn't work, and the prospect of never becoming a mother is just too painful for words.

I too feel like no one really can understand what it feels like to be in this situation, with the exception of my best friend who's been through the exact same experience as us, down to time trying, proven male IF issues and IVF with ICSI - and, I must add, come out the other end pregnant with twins ! While her happy outcome gives me hope, and I wish to God she hadn't had to go through this too, it's sometimes very hard to remain positive and hopeful for our own happy outcome. She's the only person out of friends and family who I feel really "gets" it, and I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for her and all her useful and reassuring support and advice. I definitely also find FF another great source of hope, strength and inspiration.

One link my friend sent me and may be of some help to you, your friends and family is:

http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/

We're not telling people that we'll be having IVF. My DH is such a kind, lovely and living guy, who is going to make a wonderful papa, but he is a very private and quiet person and also finding it hard to understand how I feel, and I know he won't want people knowing. So, out of respect for him but to also help me keep somewhat sane, only my best friend knows, as well as a couple of other very close friends (one of whom just told me she's 2-months pregnant the other day, after just 4-5 months ttc, which did tip me over the edge, I'm ashamed to say ). I felt I also needed to tell my mum, but have found it hard to talk to her about it, and am thinking of sending her this link, as I know that she'll want to understand and help, but will probably find it hard to know what to say or do.

Does anyone else have any advice on how to handle effectively explaining IF to friends and family?

Keeping my fingers crossed for you all... 

xxx


----------

