# At last, its our turn.......however dilema.......



## cheeky monkey (Oct 23, 2005)

Hi,

Not posted on here for a few years, BUT.....as I'm finally (referred for treatment Dec Nov 2005 ) getting my turn at DIVF I thought I pop in and say hello again.  

I have my 2nd check up on Wed to get my results then its just a matter of waiting on my next AF. (sorry if I get me words and abbreviations all mixed up, to many forums, to many letters and words for stuff but I'm sure I'll catch up eventually lol)

We're at the Glasgow royal, they one have one donor just now and from what I can gather we'll be the first to use his   , so fingers crossed he's a good'un lol.

However.....although height, weight and hair colour is a good match for DH eye colour is not!  Donor has brown eyes we both have blue.....has anyone else came across this issue.    

Its on my mind a lot, one min I'm happy   that we're getting ours chance and the next I'm worried what others will think , worried that family will guess (only my parents know, we're keeping it this way too due to the gossip mother in law lol)  The GRI have a few possible donors in the pipe line (so to speak) however even if their tests are all clear they will still not be a match for us. We've been told that if we hold off we could be waitin for years again before a match does come up , it at all?....

What's your thoughts, I know its our decision and we'll prob we going with him rather than not however I'd just like to run it past you all to see if this has came up before at all??

Glad to be back, hope to catch up with a few familiar names.

TTFN

XX


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Hi there,

Couple of thoughts on this.

Firstly - if you go with the brown eyed donor, does this mean that your child will have brown eyes? As far as I understand it, not necessarily. Genetics of eye colour are quite complex but if you yourself have blue eyes then this means (I think!) that you have 2 blue genes. Someone with brown eyes could have 2 brown genes, or a brown and a blue (or brown/green etc). So if you are blue/blue and donor brown/blue - then you could still have a blue eyed child.
Also I wonder do your and DH's parents/family all have blue eyes? In this case, I suppose it's more 'obvious' if the child doesn't have blue eyes. But if you've a mix anyway, then it's far less of an issue.
And a final thought on this one - people tend to see what they want/expect to see. I have not been lucky enough to have a child yet, and yesterday I was sat in a cafe with a friend who has a 5 month old son. I was holding/playing with him whilst she ate her lunch. The couple at the table next to us starting telling me what a lovely little boy I had, and how much he looked like me...both sad and amusing for me, but certainly goes to show that people just see what they expect to see

And my other thought was, if you really feel uncomfortable about the donor, could you not import sperm from a sperm bank? Now I am assuming you are having NHS/free tx, and this would mean paying for the sperm - but if it would bring total peace of mind, perhaps it's something to look into. Assuming your clinic would support this of course. There are several sperm banks which have donors who comply with UK/HFEA regulations (eg European Sperm Bank, Xytec, Cryos) 

Wishing you lots of luck whatever you decide, 
Suitcase
x


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## brownowl23 (Jan 3, 2006)

Cheeky monkey

My egg donor had brown eyes, I have hazel eyes but are more blue greeen than browny, Dh has blue grey eyes. WE had twins from our dooe and J has vivid blue eyes and H has brown eyes. Absolutely no one questions thier eye colour or colouring.
Genetics mean that even a brown eyed donor can carry a blue gene. H after all we can almost guarentee although brown eyed could produce blue eyed children way into the future.

I thinkits as much how you feel about your donor match as much as anything else


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## upsydaisy (May 9, 2009)

Hiya Cheeky 

Not sure if this is exactly helpful but here's the technical stuff, 2 brown eyed parents can have a blue eyed child (this was the case with my parents and me!) but 2 blue eyed parents both carry two copies of the recessive blue-eye gene so cannot have a brown eyed child.  Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear  . Not sure if it's common knowledge (I'm a science teacher).  My donor had dark brown eyes and hair and my daughter has blue eyes and is almost blond! Good luck with whatever you decide.
Upsyxxx


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## gemmy_gemgems (Feb 15, 2008)

Hiyi Hon

Both DH and i have brown eyes/brown hair but our egg  donor has blue eyes/brown hair.  To be honest i haven't really thought about it.  Most of my nearest and dearest know about the path we are going down to have a baby..

Wishing you loads of luck sweetheart xxx


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## drownedgirl (Nov 12, 2006)

I think very very few people will realise that two blue eyed parents cannot have a brown eyed child. 

xx


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## cheeky monkey (Oct 23, 2005)

*upsydaisy * - Yes thanks, I did actually know that about the 2 blue eyed parents not being able to produce a brown eyed child (don't know where I learned that though....an episode of House? lol) thats what playin on my mind really. Do you know if hair colour can play a part in this as I have very very strong red/copper hair, bright blue eye and a plague of freckles, do you think that this fact could up the chances and tip the scales in favour of blue eyes or are all those genes recessive too?

If I know (and I'm a paranoid thicko ) surely others will know about the gene eye color thing also however, when I'm in my positive & happy place I think like this.... My Gran on one side has brown eyes (she was adopted as a young child we think she was abandoned by eastern European travelers. Seriously, we've tried to do her family tree but got stuck and thats as far as we could get for her tree), my dad (other side of the family) has weird eyes, they have a little bit of every color - blue, green, hazel, grey....DH's grandmother has brown eyes so with all the color mixes in the family I'm kind of hoping that we'll be able to use that as the excuse and pray no one really notices.

*Suitcase* - As far as I'm aware our chances are 50/50 but I also think that (not 100% sure though) if the donor doesn't carry any blue genes then this then tips the scales in my opposite direction.....uch who knows, I'm too confused now lol. We are nhs funded and did think about using imported sperm however money would be a major factor due to having to pay the £2000 to book/buy a preg slot, then everything else on top of that.....Grrrr! 

*drownedgirl* - fingers and toes crossed lol

Appointment is getting closer by the min now...only a few hours to go and we'll have signed everything and be good to go or I'll panic , heart will race, I'll bottle it at the last min and run for the hills  lol 

I'll let you know what I decide tomorrow....chances are I'll not run for the hills, we're waited waaaay tooooo long for this chance....

Cheecky monkey


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## drownedgirl (Nov 12, 2006)

http://www.thetech.org/genetics/ask.php?id=29

Ooh, look, two blue eyed parents CAN have a brown eyed child


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## hornauth (Nov 16, 2005)

hi....i tried to pm you but your inbox is full.

you may not remember me...we messaged a while ago as we were both in the same dilemma.

looks like we're in the same dilemma again as we've been offered tx at gri also after too long of waiting!

we have screening appointment november with results appointment in december.

looks like we could be going through tx round about same time....how'd you get on today?

deb x


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## cheeky monkey (Oct 23, 2005)

Thanks for the link Drownedgirl, some very interesting reading there, cheers 


Debs - Yes I do remember you, I had looked you up a few weeks ago ( took a while to figure out that you'd changed your name lol) I was going to pm you then but read that you'd decided to look in to adoption so decided not to bother you with my news.

Everything went well today, spoke with the embryologist again and confirmed we'll be going ahead with the only donor they have (think they have a few poss in the pipe line).  As you have read from my post, he's got brown eyes but I've decided that I want this too much.                          Had to fill in more forms, HFEA have new forms that came out on the 1st Oct so thats the 3rd time I've filled them in, even the Doc hadn't used them yet so things went slowly. lol

Its now just a matter of waiting until my next AF, which will be mid-ish Nov as I'm a 40-ish cycle lady!  Soooooo nervous, my hearts been racing for hours now so I'm off out with the dogs to cool and calm down.

Catch up soon Debs, glad to hear your finally getting your NHS tx at last, I'll clear my inbox and send you a we pm.


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## drownedgirl (Nov 12, 2006)

Good luck!


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## cheeky monkey (Oct 23, 2005)

drownedgirl said:


> Good luck!


Cheers hun xxx


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