# Letterbox - should I spill about new sibling to BF ?



## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hi
As some of you will know, our 2nd child came to us last May and pair of them get on famously and DD1 absolutely cherishes and loves to pieces her baby sister. And it's adorable to watch.
It's coming up to that time of year again when we inevitably sit down and struggle over what to write in this year's edition of news!
And as I'm writing the letter on behalf of DD1, I feel she'd want to tell her BF about her new sibling, and it'd be quite a comfort to BF perhaps if they know she's not an only child.
But I am so confused over whether or not I dare tell them.

My quandry is, that BF live very locally and given that both DD1 and myself may well be recognised by BF if spotted, I've always found it a comfort to have our 2nd child. Because upto now, if BF are keeping an eye out for her, they'll be looking for a family of 3, and presumably a family of 4 won't hit the radar.
Whereas if I do tell them in this letter that DD1 does have a sister, will they change their search engine and be concious of looking for a child "so" high and someone who looks like me (and I havent changed since meeting BF), and oh look! another girl, in a pushchair!
I might be being silly and over cautious with this, but the thought makes me feel very vunerable indeed and I don't know what to do for the best.  

Has anyone else had similar and how have you dealt with it?

Many thanks

x


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

hi ever,

funnily enough we had exactly the ame converstaion with our sw on thursday, adnd they said fine. although to wait for court order before sending them any photos of no2.

its a big piece of news and worht sharing in my view, but you could alsways ask your sw for their opinion??

xruthie


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

thanks Ruthie
Glad it's not just us who have to mull these things over!

I'll speak with SS before I make any decisions.


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

hi,

This isn't something we've had to deal with but I am guessing that if you are already 'concerned' about BF tracing you and DD then maybe you need to have a word with your sw about this concern. Ask them to find out what the chances are of them wanting to find you/actively seeking you out and, if they do, if there is any chance they might cause upset or harm to your family.  There may be absolutely no concern or only minimal. if the 'threat' is real then my guess is that a very carefully worded letter would be best and not mention DD2 other than as ' a new baby in the family last summer' which would leave them guessing the sex or indeed age as you haven't mentioned adoption.  Your priority is keeping DD1 happy and safe - above and beyond sharing info in letterbox.

I would keep it to a single 'ambiguous sentence' and keep the rest of the letter about what pictures DD1 likes to paint/draw and how she is enjoying sports or whatever.

Magenta x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Thanks Magenta

I know from previous conversations with SS about BF, they don't rate any risk at all for trouble etc, but it just un-nerves me to know that they could spot us and follow us. Let's face it, I know myself just out of curiosity, I would want to know where they live or what type of school they go to, so Im going on my own gut feelings about what might happen. And even if they didnt approach us and want to dissrupt anything, I'd rather it didn't come to giving them any ideas.

Your suggestion about just mentioning a new baby in the family might be a very good one. Although I do expect that the replying letter will come back with what sex, name, age is it?
But yes, I'll speak to my SW first.

x


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## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

I wouldn't put sex or age of your new littlie. I don't think it's any of their business and I think I would stay on the side of caution and not give any info out that I didn't need to.
JD x


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Hun

We to have same problem. Not sure how i will write it but will be telling them about Pinky.

Hope this helps.

PBMx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

What does your heart of hearts tell you??I told our DS BM about the arrival of our DD, his new sister BUT I didn't have the problems you have/had!I think of it as I think i say think because I do not know your DD BUT I think she would want to shout it form the rooftops about her little sister and as long as you don't give details away which i know you wouldn't then I would say do it!!!hope this makes sense...started on the wine very early today.....long story!!! lolAndreaxx


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