# Child maintenance following dissolution of cp



## Mandybostwick (Oct 15, 2012)

I entered into a civil partnership in jan2008 after having a breakdown.  My daughter at that time was eight. My new civil partner insisted on having a child of her own through assisted conception and got pregnant in feb 2008. We bought a house together but she never let my daughter come into the lounge expecting her to spend most of the time in her room. My daughter and I were not allowed to eat meat or have friends or family around.  On occasions she forced us out of the house and we spent the night in a hotel.  This sort of behaviour escalated. After she gave birth I was made to do all the work but told I was an unfit parent. My friends and family were not allowed to see the new baby.  My daughter was still not allowed in the lounge despite the new baby being allowed. When the baby was eight months old I decided to move my daughter in with my mother as my partners treatment of her was so bad, and eventually six months later I left too, but saw the baby twice a week.  My partner did not allow my daughter to see the baby and as she made access so difficult and on her own terms I decided it wasn't in anyone's interest for me to continue seeing the baby as the arguments were so awful.  In sept ths year our dissolution came through - I am not on the birth certificate and the baby was born in dec 2008  and I have to pay £300 child maintenance per month.  Is this right? My partner made it so clear I was not fit to parent her child or to let my family have any involvement - everything seems to have been on her terms!


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## sibbnchaz29 (Mar 28, 2012)

Hey Mandy!!

Im so sorry to hear your story, its just awful. I have had no experience like this but thought I would link you to a few websites which might be of a help.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Governmentcitizensandrights/Divorceseparationandrelationshipbreakdown/Moneypropertyandpossessionswhenyourrelationshipends/Ifyoureendingamarriageorcivilpartnership/DG_192080 that will give u some information on whos entitled to what.

http://www.cmoptions.org/en/calculator/calculator.asp thats a maintenance calculator so it might give u a fair idea.

I am summasing that if you have no contact with the younger child at all then you shouldnt have to pay so much....£300 per month sounds way to much, I have male friends who have broken with their girlfriends and need to pay child main, they have to pay £30 a week! So get some serious advice....

Good luck x

/links


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## Mandybostwick (Oct 15, 2012)

Thanks for your help.  I don't see my ex partners child anymore and haven't for over eighteen months.  As part of the financial settlement I had to agree to pay the maintenance (based on my salary) otherwise we would have had to go back to court again - I was advised this could cost over £10000 and the dissolution had already cost me £14000 some of which I had to borrow.  My ex partner was receiving legal aid so it was not as important to her to reach a settlement on the day as she didn't have to bear the cost. As my name is not on the birth certificate and the baby was born in dec 2008 I didn't realise that I would be forced to pay child maintenance to a child my ex partner refused to accept me as a parent, and never treated me as a parent.  I couldn't afford (financially or emotionally) to fight at that stage but as the £300 per month is crippling me financially now and for the next fifteen years I need to be certain I am legally bound to provide this sum.  Ironically my ex partner now receives sick benefits as she has a bad hip, but the child (nearly four years old) attends a private prep school whilst my daughter and I have to watch every penny we spend! Any more help would be greatly appreciated x


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## Mandybostwick (Oct 15, 2012)

Sorry to go on! I suppose I am really frustrated I have zero parental responsibly in law but have financial responsibility.  A lottery win and may be I could fight this ! There seems to be a lot of info on how to gain parental rights but little on how to deal with my situation.  If my ex partner was more reasonable and allowed my daughter, family, friends to see the baby and us be a family, albeit a separated one then there is no way I would be seeking a way out of this.  It just seems so unjust in the circumstances x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

MAYBE ASK NATALIE GAMBLE THE FF LAWYER FOR ADVICE ON THE LEGAL THREAD XX


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## Mandybostwick (Oct 15, 2012)

Thanks I have taken your advice and just posted there x


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## NatGamble (Mar 1, 2007)

Hi Mandy (I've just posted this on the Ask A Lawyer page too)

My colleague Sarah Wood-Heath deals with our relationship breakdown cases (many of which involve same sex couples with unequal parenthood) and this is what she says:

*Hi Mandy*

*I am so sorry to read about the difficult time you are having. It is difficult to provide you with specific advice without seeing all the paperwork and in particular the court order in settlement of your finances which sets out the maintenance to the child. Therefore my advice is very broad and based on the information you have set out. *

*If you are the legal parent of a child then under UK law you are financially responsible for them. From the facts that you have explained you are not considered a legal parent and therefore your financial liability arises by virtue of being a step parent. During your civil partnership dissolution proceedings and the settlement of the finances the court has to take into account the welfare of any child who is considered a 'child of the family'. I understand that the negotiations which took place about the child maintenance that you pay to your ex took place within the dissolution proceedings and the figure of £300 a month was agreed and incorporated into the final order in settlement of your finances. *

*This having been agreed, you can only at this stage apply back to the court to vary the existing order. The court will have regard to both of your circumstances at the time the order was made and whether there has been any change. If your financial circumstances have changed then this may provide a compelling reason for why the order should be varied. *

*Sadly, as you have correctly stated it is expensive to revert back to the courts if you are legally represented and not entitled to public funding, although you do always have the right to act as a litigant in person without legal representation. *

*Our website has some information which you might find helpful at http://www.nataliegambleassociates.co.uk/page/Disputes-with-a-former-partner/101/ . *

*I am sorry that my advice is not more positive however I hope this helps and please do not hesitate to get in touch to go through your circumstances in more detail should you wish.*


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## Mandybostwick (Oct 15, 2012)

Thank you for your advice - does this mean that if ever I live with someone ever in the future, their finances could be taken into consideration too for my ex to gain extra maintenance?  I was under the impression we had a clean break but that doesn't appear to be in the case of child maintenance - even though the child isn't mine and don't have any parental rights, only  a financial obligation? Hope you can help again! Mandy


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