# When should one think of taking the surrogacy route?



## Flower19 (Dec 9, 2008)

Hi Ladies
I will start my second IVF treatment in March. My first one failed as 1 Grade 1 and 1 Grade 2 embryos failed to implant. I have been wondering when would one choose to the surrogacy route... are there certain diagnosed conditions that leave surrogacy as the only viable option or is just lack of implantation success a good enough reason to choose surrogacy?
Thank you all for your input!


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## Amandajb (Sep 6, 2007)

Hi Flower19

I think the decision to go down the surrogacy route differs from couple to couple as everyone's circumstances are different.

I have helped one couple who had very definite medical issues which denied them the chance of carrying their own child. They made the decision to search for a surrogate very quickly because there was no other viable option available to them.  

However I have also helped a couple who made fantastic embryos but which simply would not stick.  They laughingly called it the 'teflon womb syndrome'!

It took this couple many years of investigations and treatments to come to the decision to use a surrogate. With hindsight, they agree that perhaps they should have made that decision sooner, but they needed to explore all the avenues open to them so that they were sure when they looked back that there would not be any 'what ifs'. (I had twins using their Grade 1 embys)

I believe that only the couple themselves can make the decision to use a surrogate.  You will know if and when that time arrives.

Good luck with your next cycle.  I'm hoping that this time is your time.

Take care


Amanda


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## EJJB (Mar 18, 2005)

When there is no other option, or when things have been so painful you can bear it no longer.
It was both for us.
I have a heart condition and our second pregnancy ended in the stillbirth of our son. Our first pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage.
We were told we could try again, but it would probably end the same way.
We decided two dead babies was enough, and we couldn't bear any more, so we mourned our son, and then joined SUK after two years.
We were ready by then, and I had accepted I couldn't have a biological child of my own. I wasn't able to do egg retrieval, so we had to do straight surrogacy.
Now we have our daughter who I love just as much as my biological son.
You have to have come to the end of one journey before you can start another and only you can say when that is.
I hope your' IVF is successful as surrogacy isn't all that easy, but it's always worth having a back up plan just in case.
Good Luck.
EJJB
x


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Hi 
I really hope your next treatment works  

We tried everything else before we even thought of surrogacy, well actually it was our SIL that asked us if we wanted her to be a surrogate , we had 10 cycles in total of IVF(1 of them being a FET) before we looked into adoption,but because I have M.S they wanted some sort of letter from my consultant to say I was going to be ok for 10 years !! and we couldn't do that, and we felt we had tried everything that we could to have our own child, we can honestly say we are happy 100% that we have done everything.

I am wishing you so much luck for your tx, it does work, so stay positive


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## Tweetiepie (Aug 23, 2004)

Hi Flower

I thought I would also add my little story to this thread.

We have been ttc now for over 6 and a half years.  Have tried ttc naturally having a Blighted Ovum pg after a year of that (D&C), then Clomid  & metformin for 7 cycles, one with IUI.  All BFN.

Then 4 cycles (3 at ARGc and 1 in Turkey) of IVF (3 with full immune tx such as Humira, IVIG, Steroids, Clexane and last 2 cycles with LIT - infusion consisting of Dhs white blood cells...)...  All BFN.  I had a recent lap  removing endo & thickened lining and had ovaries drilled to make them less PCOS like...

Also had a natural BFN after a failed ivf (2nd) which i took IVIG & steroids for... again MC as it didnt develop a heartbeat ...

We are now doing our 5th Cycle (1st FET) with IVIG ... This will be our last cycle as we have an immune issue where my body does not allow embies to implant, or killed them off at a very early stage.  Immune drugs have so far failed to suppress my immune system enough.

We are hoping and   that this cycle works.  If it doesn't then we will be able to look back and say we truly tried everything we could within our power.  We have been thinking of surrogacy on and off for some time now.  But still we need to make sure that we give it our best shot before we go to the next stage of our journey ...  

If I had the choice I would always go for carrying our baby and carry my stretchmarks as a badge of honour!!  It is difficult and sad to accept that I may not have the 9 precious months of carrying my own baby and giving birth and experiencing everything that goes with it.  

But at the same time, we always have to look at the positives in life ... we have to realise that the main goal is to have a baby not necessarily a pregnancy (which one of my fellow lovely FF'ers once told me on one of my 'down' days)... and it is true. 

I wish you all the best for your next cycle        

Tweetiepie xxx


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## beattie2 (Dec 30, 2005)

Hi Flower

I would like to echo alot of what has already been said. If you haven't had tests re immune issues/ implantation/ blood clotting etc then depending on factors such as your age, your medical history etc it might be worth exploring these before going down the surrogacy route. Alot of women do have successful pregnancies with appropriate treatment once problems such as these are identified and treated. I have done IVF with immune treatment now twice and got pregnant on both occassions, the challenge for me is staying pregnant as my immune system does seem to respond very negatively to being pregnant, however alot of women do have more success!  I am starting again after Xmas and will having very aggressive immunotherapy. If this doesn't work the next step is likely to be surrogacy, the challenge will be finding a surroangel within a reasonable timescale (will be 38 next yr ). 
Good luck with whatever you decide on and Tweets- good luck too hun!

Best wishes to all

Bx


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## Tweetiepie (Aug 23, 2004)

Thanks Beattie!!!  

flower I did have a peak on your older posts and have noticed you mentioned Arthritis ... this 'can' mean that you have immune issues.  Eg- I have high TNF levels and this can also cause arthritis, where the immune system turns against your body and attacks your joints instead ... in my case it attacks the embryos ..

There are ladioes who have successfully gotten pregnant with immune treatment ... You are at Homerton aren't you... I think it would be an idea to have immune tests done ... these can be done at ARGC ... or Dr Gorgy at the Fertility Academy ...  

Could the Homerton look into these for you?  Its def worth looking into

tweets x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I would also have immune tests done, if not at the places tweets suggested them Mr ******* at the miscarriage clinic will, as do the Lister. Good luck


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## Flower19 (Dec 9, 2008)

Hello again
Apologises for not having replied to your wonderful and inspiring writings. I am still getting to know how to surf on this site.
Tweets, I made a mistake in my writing and my problem is Arthrosis, not Arthritis. Not sure if the former is also a reflection of how my inmune system works... 
I am back from hospital today and my treatment has been brought forward to this Wednesday. Apart from Gonal-F 450ml per day I am to take as well Prednisolone (10mg in the morning and 10mg in the evening) - is it correct to say that Prednisolone is given in IVF treatments to help implantation?
I will carry on trying but will start looking into surrogacy to be prepared and not waste any time  
Good luck to all of you too.


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