# Panicky, teary on receiving tx papers for 3rd attempt



## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Hi Ladies, not sure what I'm looking for here, may be just support rather than answers. 

Just received protocol papers. At first felt excited to open the envelope then suddenly felt my mood changing to panic, then emotional.

I've had a bfn and a miscarriage and i think it's the pressure now of actually achieving another bfp. Plus, although DHs count and morphology very good, and also fertilisation, ICSI has been suggested and I feel at a crossroads. If we have ICSI will it be the difference in carrying full term or not, or even getting a bfp??  Then there's the risks of course that comes with ICSI.  The clinic also suggested an endo scratch which isn't mentioned in our papers.

Feeling overwhelmed I suppose at tx being imminent and making the right decision re: ICSI, plus not telling anyone this time, so I'm afraid I could be pestering you ladies for some time  

This will be our third and final go and I'm feeling really scared truth be told. I'm annoyed with myself because I want to feel excited and positive for the best outcome, silly as it sounds.

Thanks for reading

Essie xx


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

I can relate to how you feel Essie. I've started treatment again and just found it all so overwhelming today I had a little cry. I think it's perfectly normal when we want things to work so much. Don't really have much helpful to say but wanted you to know you're not the only one feeling this way.

Maisy


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## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Hi Maizyz - I'm so sorry for your loss and for your tears   it doesn't sound right to say it's nice to know you're not on your own because I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but you'll understand what I mean. It really does mess with your head.

Are you in middle of tx now? Looking at your signature it wasn't long since your m/c. I truly hope this time is your time  

Essie xx


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

I know what you mean about saying it's nice to not know your on your own. I am just starting treatment again so perhaps its all the hormones making me a bit emotional. Thankyou for your kind thoughts, I think if babies were awarded to those who deserved them the most. we'd all probably have quads, sadly life doesn't work like that though hey.

There was a link about endo scratches improving success rates around recently on here. I wasn't allowed one as it would have been too risky after all the surgery but I did ask and they said there seems to be some stuff to show it may help.

Good luck, maybe I'll be your lucky Maisy charm x


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## Ivfmamma (Jun 10, 2012)

Essie - I'm nervous about this cycle too   keep thinking what if it doesn't work, or what if it does & I lose another baby, can't cope with it tbh. Nail biting stuff this fertility treatment isn't it   Xx


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

Hello Ladies, 

I've spoken to you both before briefly on one thread or another I think at one point or another across my FF journey. 

I'm so sorry for your losses ladies   I hope that 2013 brings happiness and no more tears. 
I'm in my 3rd boat across the river crazy too, and after 3 failed IUI and 2 failed ICSI I can relate to the head   moments that setting sail for the 3rd time produces.

I can relate in alot of ways Essie, we'd all LOVE for no one to feel the pain of a failed cycle, or see a dear FF friend lose a precious little Bean but as an individual who has already faced a sadness the courage and understanding of those who truely 'get it' is worth more than gold.
And to put a possitive spin on it, the friendship and laughter these freinds bring is magic at renewing hope for a future miracle  

I try and think of IF as a slightly dark fairy tale, I'm not sure how many chapters I'll have weaved on my way, or what adventures and trials I will have faced but I WILL be a mummy and get my jubilant beautiful ending one day!     

p.s just a shame you can't sneak a peek at the final pages ahead of time for some reassurance


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## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Just rung clinic - they're going to get back to me re: ICSI but did confirm I'll be doing the endo and starting meds to bring on a bleed after 21 days (which will be weird, can't remember last time I had AF visit). Just waiting to be given a date, and of course have to pay invoice first  

Hopefully we'll be lucky charms for each other  

Essie xx


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## EssieJean (Aug 11, 2011)

Aw *Ivfmamma* I wish I had a magic wand for us all  I hate to think there are so many wonderful ladies suffering. Lots of babydust to you. Where are you on your cycle?

What a brilliant post *Bubbletastic*!!  I love the phrase river crazy, not so much being on it though!  but as you have done I'm always looking at ways to put a positive spin on it and really like your story book idea. Lots of  that we'll all get our beautiful baby happy ending this time round 

I remember you both from previous posts and remember how supportive you were of me at the time of my m/c. I thank God for all the inspirational strong women on FF 

Essie xx


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