# Lesbian Couple about to start egg share IVF at MFS



## CasKel (Feb 18, 2013)

Hi, me and my partner have been together for over 4 years. She has a son from a previous relationship and he is nearly 7. I adore him but we are now ready to have a child of our own. (M is also desperate for a little brother or sister) I registered at MFS last year and after discusions with the clinic we decided upon IVF and donar insemination and in turn I would donate my eggs. I then got a promotion at work so we put treatment on hold until now.

I thought long and hard about the egg donation and the repocussions etc but without a sperm donar then for us there would be no baby! So i want to help other woman who cannot have a baby without donated eggs!

I know the usual course of treatment is to do insemination with IUI first then after failed attempts you do IVF. i dont want to risk the IUI not working and since i will have to do the hormone treatment etc for the egg retrieval we decided to go straight in with the IVF. Has anyone else decided upon this route too? This is as far as we have got with treatment and are waiting to see a councellor etc before we begin but I just want to make sure we are doing the right thing. Its a costly process and we want to maximise our chances of being sucessful first time!

Very nervous and as it is the start of our journey we dont know all the lingo yet either! Also if anyone has any hints/tips on how to enhance chances of sucessful treatment such as diet changes etc I would be very grateful.

Thanks

Cas and Kel


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## incywincy (Nov 13, 2011)

Hi Cas & Kel!

I'm doing egg sharing IVF at Manchester Care.  There's a good few egg sharers on the board, we've got our own section just above the LGBT one.  It's mostly heterosexual women not using donor sperm, but there's no difference in the process aside from picking the donor.  We're a friendly bunch and there's loads of advice on there.

I agree about the donating because you're recieving, it just seemed obvious to me once I learned about it, though I had two IUIs before I realised egg sharing was a viable option for us.  You'll get counselling to talk about the implications of donating eggs and recieving sperm but it's very relaxed and simply focused on making sure you're comfortable with the process and have thought about how to handle things when the children are older.

For diet and stuff, make sure you're taking a good conception/pregnancy multivitamin straight away.  Don't take a normal multivitamin as the requirements are different, and something like Pregnacare also contains your folic acid.  There's lots of info in the 'Supplements' section about other pills you can pop if you're the type who likes to do that.  Food-wise, again, lots of info in the supplements & complementary sections, but the main thing to remember is eat a variety of fruit and veg, plenty of protein, minimise processed and high fat foods.  Cut down on the alcohol (stop altogether during treatment), cut down on caffeine and definitely stop smoking if you do.  Not everyone does all of these things, but they're the main recommended ones.  There's all sorts of info online about good foods to eat for fertility but after extensive research, I have to admit I can't really remember them all and rarely make the effort to eat them!

Also, don't put off applying to do the IVF for too long - there's a long waiting list to get matched to a recipient now, I've heard MFS is similar to Care.  They started paying donors more money last April, which has meant a lot more women needing a bit of cash have started donating, and there's more donors than recipients.  I've had to wait 3 months to get a match, whereas I got the impression from reading this board that it would be quicker.

Good luck with it all, it seems daunting but there's so much help on here, makes it much easier.


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## CasKel (Feb 18, 2013)

Thanks very much for your reply. I have looked into CARE aswel as more and more people are recommending it ahead of MFS. I am now considering changing clinics haha I just want the best chance of it working. Neither of us smoke and we hardly drink (boring arnt we)  
CARE is slightly more expensive but if its worth it then I dont mind. I have recieved an email off them this morning with information and I was surprised to hear about the waiting list, particularly for sperm donation! The plan was to start treatment in Nov as soon as we get back from Disneyland Florida (M's treat before a baby comes) So im really glad I have started to look into treatment now and didnt wait until then or it could have been a much longer wait! I think CARE is definately worth a look into. I know its still a good few months away but with something this important we both feel its right to start checking all our options early! Its daunting but very exciting! I will have a look through your other posts and good luck to yourself too!!!
xxx


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## incywincy (Nov 13, 2011)

I wanted to go to MFS but they wouldn't accept me to share, due to a medical condition, but Care were fine with it.  Visit both places on open days and see what you think, both places seem good. 

I'll give you an idea of time scales.  I self-referred to Care at the beginning of October, with paper forms sent by the donation team after I emailed them.  I waited until late Nov for my first consultation, then had other appointments such as counselling, bloods and the doctor's consultation between then and the middle of January.  I am getting matched now and it looks as if I will be starting the drugs either the beginning of March or the beginning of April.  So from sending the forms in Oct, it will have taken me 5-6 months to get to drug taking stage.  I didn't expect that at all, was thinking it would only be a month or two, I held off applying for a month or so and wish I hadn't now.

They told me there might be a wait for sperm, but because I've waited 3 months for an egg recipient it's given them plenty of time to find me sperm and there's no additional wait for that now, I've got a sperm donor.  They told me I might have to compromise on characteristics, but I got exactly what I was hoping for!


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## CasKel (Feb 18, 2013)

wow that is a long time. We were like you, thinking we could start in nov and be pregnant by Xmas! haha
I will definately be visiting both facilities now then. I had an AMH bloodtest at MFS last year but thats as far as we got before post poning so I will need a new one now anyway. CARE sent me all the forms so I will fill then in and request an open day too. How do you choose a donar? to be honest i thought you basically got what you were given! haha I have sooo many questions I tend to get ahead of myself all the time! Id start treatment straight away if it wasnt for the holiday but M shouldnt miss out and Im the only one brave enough to go on the rides with him plus the swim with dolphins, something I couldnt do if pregnant! Atleast we can concentrate on the treatment if we wait!
One other question, you say you've had two IUI's and now you are doing the IVF route. Would you have chosen IVF if you had known this an option first time round? Considering the costs with the egg sharing i think IVF is actually cheaper and I think the success rates are higher. I dont think its worth the risk doing an IUI first when IVF is a viable option. Have I made the right choice? haha theres too much to consider I hope im doing the right thing.


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## incywincy (Nov 13, 2011)

I wouldn't have considered IUI in this country at all, the prices of it, plus the donor sperm are obscene.  I might have given the abroad ones that I did a go anyway because they're less invasive but the chances of them working are pretty low and it's a right faff trying to get over there on time.  But I'm more than happy to go straight onto IVF.  When egg sharing, the cost vs the chances of a positive outcome are so much higher.

I didn't get much choice of a donor, I gave them characteristics, they offered me the two closest matches they had and I picked one.  I coudl have used an outside sperm bank if I was wanting lots of background info or specific characteristics.  I asked for similar colouring to me and DW, and a tall height as her kids are tall & I wanted this one to fit in with them.  

And timings, yeah!  When I put the application in in October, I'd held off a month because I didn't want to start until after Christmas.    How optimistic!

I think the holiday sounds like a lovely idea, and it will take your mind off the last frustrating stages of the wait.  As much as M wants a sibling it will be lovely for him to have a big treat before he has to be grown up and be a big brother.


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## CasKel (Feb 18, 2013)

Exactly our thoughts! Once treatment starts a holiday will be impossible and for first few years of a babies life it will be a nightmare to go so give him this chance to enjoy being an only child and having all the attention before the jealousy and sleepless nights begin! I know theres a big failure risk but im trying to stay optomistic. I was considering trying to apply on the NHS but with partner already having a child its a no go before we begin and its such a costly process! I think considering we pay our taxes for this sort of treatment we should be entitled to one go as long as the carrier has no children. Same goes for straigh couples too, I have a friend who has been with her older husband for 10years and he has a grown up son so because of this she cant get funding and has so far spent over £20,000 on failed IVF privately!

Im glad you have opted to go straight for IVF like ourselves, seems like a much more positive option. keep me updated with all your progress and I hope you start your treatment soon! x


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## dingle123 (Jun 16, 2010)

Hi,

Just wanted to add my two pence worth:

My Wife and I decided last year to start a family - we like, you, wanted to go straight for IVF. We had a consultation last Feb at the Lister in London and I can't recommend it highly enough. We purchased donor sperm from Xytex and had it shipped to the Lister. 

We have also taken part in the egg sharing programme to a) if I am honest, bring the cost of IVF down but also b) help someone else who needed donor eggs, as we are quite aware we would not be able to make our own dream come true without donor sperm. 

Our first cycle sadly ended in misccariage but we are back on the horse and currently on the 2ww.

Wishing you both lots of luck on your journey - any questions, feel free to ask.

Xx


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## CasKel (Feb 18, 2013)

How come you purchased donar sperm and didnt get it off the clininc? I think with my clinic it is a condition to purchase it off them and its around £600!? Have you had any thoughts about wether you want to use the same sperm for possible siblings in the future or are you just thinking about the treatment you are doing at the moment? I know its jumping ahead but I hadnt considered this until I read it on here. Now im wondering if we should purchase more and freeze it. Theres so much to think about it makes your head hurt! haha


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## CasKel (Feb 18, 2013)

Good Luck for your 2ww too, hope all goes well for you xx


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## Gemstone21 (Feb 18, 2013)

Hi CasKel,

I think you are doing the right thing  

We had 3 IUI treatments and all resulted in BFN  . So my DP and i did the partner to partner egg sharing scheme and woohoo it worked 1st time!!! sadly ended in miscarriage in week 5   . But on the positive side of things.....i know i can get pregnant so we will try again, we have our review consultation next week.

If i could rewind everything i would have skipped IUI and gone to egg sharing straight away. 

We are also using donor sperm, purchased from European sperm bank.com, so much cheaper then getting it in the UK and you know more about them, plus you get to see a baby pic of them.

When you are on the meds - Eat protein!!!! and lots of it......it helps the eggs and will help the embryo too.

Warning! you will both be very hormonal lol if you have a spare room use this as your scream room lol dont scream at each other though lol.

The bum injection.....don't panic, i hate needles but it did not hurt one bit, but do NOT look at the needle before the nurse injects you  

DP had to have injections twice a day, i did this for her, its much easier and less stressful.

EC is not to bad its about a 15 min process and you don't remember a thing. ET lasts for 20 mins - its a little uncomfortable but to make it much easier.....go to the clinic with a full bladder, just before ET empty your bladder for 15 seconds (i was advised by the nurse to do this and it helped)

If you need to know anything else then feel free to message me.

Wish you all the best!


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## CasKel (Feb 18, 2013)

Hi Gem,

thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear your sad news. Its a good thing you know you can get pregnant though so fingers crossed for you trying again! I did have a brief look into the sperm banks but I thought with all the hassle of shipping it etc it would be easier at the clinic plus I think we have to use theirs? its arounf £600 from them anyway. Not sure if this is expensive or not to be honest?

thanks for the tips too, every little helps!


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## mutley18 (Feb 25, 2013)

Hi all,
Thought i'd join you all   My other half and i are going to CARE in Sheff. We are going for an informal chat at the end of March. They have given us lots of info over the phone/email and so far have been brilliant. We are thinking of going straight to IVF and egg share (if i can) as we will need donor sperm and if it wasnt for someone donating for us a baby wouldnt be possible!! Plus success rates are better and we only have enough money for a couple of cycles!! 

We are hoping to start treatment towards the end of this year anyway so dont mind a wait (a small one tho hopefully lol)


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## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

Hi everyone, hope you don't mind me butting in. My wife and I are starting to consider going straight to IVF with egg donation too, or perhaps having one go at IUI and then on to IVF with egg donation. Cost is a real issue for us and we can't afford too many wasted gos. I wish you the very best of luck xx


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## mutley18 (Feb 25, 2013)

Hi anicca79 where are you having treatment? Good luck and fingers crossed for everyone

Sorry just read your signature lol


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## anicca79 (Sep 29, 2012)

It's ok Mutley18  Yeah we have our initial appointment at MFS in a few weeks. For us I'll be honest, the motivation to go straight to IVF would be mostly financial. There are a lot of egg donors out there fortunately and for us cost is a real factor. The odds of IUI working first time aren't that great really... still not decided and lots to consider. Best of luck to all x


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## Hmd1987 (Mar 5, 2013)

Me and my wife are now seriously considering ivf with egg sharing instead of iui...mainly due to cost. Going to the open evening on Thursday, hopefully we can make up our mind soon as I'm dying to get started!


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