# Colleague also on ivf-bit worried how i'll react if i'm bfn and shes bfp



## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi all
I'm due to start icsi treatment in a few weeks and my colleague is already up and running with her ivf. She keeps telling me how happy she is thats she's getting the news to go ahead to the next stages etc as we've been confiding in each other as we go along our journies. 
I think shes great and I've found it handy having someone to talk to who's going through the same thing and i wish her all the luck in the world of course. 
But....I'm worried how I'm going to cope if after treatment she gets her bfp and i get a bfn-seeing her everyday pregnant-has anyone any experience,tips,advice on how to handle this sort of situation? I know i'm thinking pesimistically but i'm also a realist and just like to be prepared. I'm already finding myself wishing my treatment along as far ahead as she is-i'm so impatient LOL.
thanks 
X


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi Monkeybear,

What a horrible situation, I can really feel for you 
I have been quite open and honest with my close friends throughout my 4 year struggle to conceive and have had to get through 2 pregnancy announcements from them (natural not ivf) as well as countless other announcements from other people. To be fair to my close friends they hated telling me as much as I hated hearing the news. I always find it hits me like a slap in the face and then I go home and cry and turn into a bitter sobbing wreck for a while!!! No idea if that's normal but that's me!! You can only hope she doesn't keep going on about it if it does happen for her but fingers crossed it'll happen for you too. Maybe tell her how you feel and agree to not talk about it too much if it happens for one of you and not the other, she probably has the same worries!
Horrible horrible situation we're all in. I don't think you can ever be prepared for how you'd react to a bfn, mine was hysteria for about 2 weeks!!!! So not like me at all and my husband is now dreading cycle number 2 which is starting on Friday (I hope).
Wishing you lots of luck xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hi baby sparkle

shes lovely but very gushy but its just her nature-shes few weeks ahead of me and telling me how happy she is its moving so quick-and not long till ec etc and i just feel i'm dragging my heels-soooooooo stupid of me-i'm soooo impatient so i just hope i dont feel too jealous if she gets bfp but i dont? I asked her yesterday what we;ll do and she said she would be happy for me. I'd be happy for her also obviously but its so hard to predict how you'll actually react.
my bro who i dont get on with wasnt planning a baby and ended up getting his on off girlf pregnant and that really got to me-baby due in 5 weeks-why do good things happen to bad people? or people that dont desere it or werent trying at least eh? life is so cruel! 
what treatment protocol are you starting?
x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi Monkeybear,

It is true you never know how you'll react, these past 4 years I've had feelings I never usually had. Usually very relaxed and level headed but I think each time I heard other peoples pregnancy news I got slightly more bitter and jealous each time! Especially when people don't even have to try!
I had my prostap this morning and am due a scan and blood test on the 8th June then sniffing should start on the 16th. I asked what protocol I was on as I didn't know (I didn't think to ask before, I'm too polite and just go to my appointments and do as I'm told!), and I'm on protocol No 8 for irregular cycles. How about you, what are you going to be on? Do you have a start date? My first cycle seemed to take forever to come around and I too am very impatient!


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi guys

baby sparkle-glad i'm not alone. We're quite small office too! well i think i'll be starting treatment similar time-i'm on an antagonist protocol so i miss down regging-i'm due to start taking noresthisterone tablets 28th may and then wait till my lady is ready to start my jabs. it seems to be taking forever to get started lol. keep in touch x

w1nsome-hi there-thanks for your advice-i'm feeling bit better about it now-i'm not a nasty person at all just not my nature so i'm sure all will be fine-and i'd get through it-hopefully we'll both get bfp's! PMA!!x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi Monkeybear,

I hadn't seen that you're egg sharing. I did that for our first ivf cycle which we did privately when we were waiting for the nhs. There's no way we could have afforded it without doing that! We went to see the clinic thinking we'd have iui but they said it wasn't suitable for us and had we considered ivf..........no said I, way too expensive so they suggested we egg shared. Glad we did it and I very rarely wonder about the outcome for the other lady yet I thought I would!

Kepp me posted on how you're getting on xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi baby sparkle-oh wow you egg shared? well the only way we can afford it is to egg share and its likely to be our one and only attempt as we cant afford anymore so it better bloody work!! due to hubby having kids we cant get nhs help even though i have none   hey ho-will keep ya posted and you must too  xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi Monkeybear 

How are things with you?


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi baby sparkle
i'm good thanks-just on countdown to saturday when start norethisterone tablets for @ 10 days then hopefully onto the jabs after that-i say hopefuly but not lookin forward to it but wana get it outta way lol.
hows about you?x


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## JBox (Oct 31, 2010)

monkey bear, hope you dont mind me jumping in, but i have to tell you that i have been where you are. Not with a work colleague but with a very close,good friend of mine. we were cycling together on and off for a year, and then back in may 2010 we were literally cycling day to day together. Her OTD was two days after mine. Mine was a bfn and hers was bfp. She now has twin boys four months olds. 
All thoughout her pregnancy i was doing some form of treatment... (i did back to back txs for most of 2010). And i kept getting bfns as she grew bigger and bigger. I cant explain how i felt, but my sadness was never really towards her but to the unfairness of it all.
My friend was very good not to complain about her pregnancy or her tiredness or anything and actually apart from one go i had at her when she literally went on for about 15 mins about whether she should do or not do an amnio just after i had got another bfn, she wasnt so difficult to be around. There were times when i found it a bit hard  to see her, so i did keep my distance, but i am so used to being around pg women that i think i am just hardened to it...the girl i sit next at work is now 8 months pregnant, another 2 really good friends are now 5 months pg, my cousin just married is pg.... But i suppose for me the hardest thing is not being around pregnant friends / work colleagues on a day to day basis, but when i take a step back and look at the time frame that has passed and that i havent got any closer to my dream. thats what i find the most difficult to deal with. 
I hope that yoru colleague is sensitive to you as you would be to her if / when you / her get your bfps. Ihope that you both get it together, coz that would simply be fantastic - but in the case you dont, i hope you feel ok with it all. protect yourself though, thats my advice for what its worth. when / if you ever feel like you cant deal, walk away and hide somewhere safe and do not feel that you have to justify or explain your actions,. 

good luck with your tx. xx


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## amj2906 (Apr 5, 2011)

Hi Monkey Bear

I am in a similar situation to you. I was really pleased at first to find out that a colleague of mine (who I get on well with) is about 3 weeks ahead of me on her ivf cycle. And then it dawned on me how uncomfortable and upsetting it will be if one of us gets a BFN. We're both pretty sensible on the whole but when there are such strong emotions involved, not to mention the hormones... Of course the best scenario is we both get BFPs - although not sure our employer will know what to do!
So I don't really have any advice but I really hope your siutation works out OK - oh, and good luck with starting your drugs at the weekend. 

JBox - the situation with your friend sounds really tough. I'm struggling a bit because a very close friend has just announced she's 7 weeks pregnant after a few months of trying but that is not as tough as you actually going through the treatment at the same time and hers working and yours not. Sounds like you've been really brave. Sending you   that it will be your turn soon!

x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi monkeybear, 2 days, not long now for you  Exciting stuff! I'm good thanks, had the prostap injection last friday and so far feel fine apart from being really tired and the odd mood swing (so hubby says!)  . Quite a lot of waiting around on the protocol I'm on. Wait for af to arrive, af arrives then wait 21 days, day 21 arrives and you get a quick jab in the belly and told to come back in 19 days for blood and scan, then it'll be another 8 days before I start sniffing. Not thinking beyond that! 

Hi JBox & amj2906, so sorry you are both in similar situations. I always find friends pregnancies hit me really hard but as soon as the baby is born I lose all jealous, bitter (the usual) feelings and am perfectly fine being around the baby. Weird I know  
I cannot imagine going through treatment the same time as someone I know however I had one of those horrible moments at the hospital on Friday. My husband and I were walking through the doors into the clinic as someone I know was walking out      Oh I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me!! Quick smile and that was it!


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi ladies

Jbox-thank you so much for sharing with me-you give some good advice   I hope i can look at it like that and i'm sure i will be able to and it will be fine-its not forever-shes said she wont be coming back here anyway so if it works and doesnt for me its only about 7 months to see it. We do keep saying how nice it would be to both be waddling down the corridors though lol. She sometimes gishes a bit like today-shes had her scan and is so excited about it bless her-she told me how perfect they said she's looking and how her lining is beautiful and shes so happy etc etc so its all looking good so far for her anyway. 

amj2906-hi there-its good to know i'm not alone-my colleague is 3 weeks approx ahead of me-shes hoping top have ec next week and i'm just starting my pill tablet tomorrow. What stage are you at?

baby sparkle-ahh ok it does seem like time drags eh but i bet when we look back on it we'll wonder where time went!
I've been told i'm likely to be on tabs for about 14 days rather than 10 to get mine and donor to same stage then it'll be onto the dreading jabs! lol 
My brothers baby is due 17th june right when i'm likely to be jabbing and be extremely hormonal   and we dont get really but i'd love to see my baby niece-first time aunty!
anyway ladies thanks so much for replying and please keep in touch and all the best for each of you! what are the plans for the bank hol w'end?xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi,

very boring weekend for me  home alone tonight as hubby is at the pub after work, doesn't happen often so can't complain. A night of soaps for me! Brother, his partner and my 2year old niece coming for dinner tomorrow, no nephew as he's away  I usually have monday's off work anyway but I also have a bonus day off on tuesday as well woohoo-2 day working week next week   
What about everyone else? 
Monkeybear, everyone was very excited when my brother and his partner had a girl as she had a son already and my brother has 2 sons! However, my niece is now 2 and she has only just started to like me    used to scream every time she saw me!! Never happened to me before lol, think I'm too quiet and sensible for her, however she has come round and now seems to be ok with me. Got us out of babysitting anyway   The irony is I look after children for a living but luckily they have all liked me so far! Hope you get on ok when you meet your niece


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## michaelaeloise (Mar 7, 2011)

Hi
Hope you dont mind me jumping in. I am/was in the same situation and work in a small office. I have been on the ivf waiting list for 2 years due to delays with cin smear results. A colleague went on the waiting list just before xmas and is now roughly 13 weeks pg due to ivf, i am only dr'ing now.... its took a lot of strength to sit through all the talk and congrats etc but of course i am very happy for her but wish maybe a bit of tactfulness from herself had been in place, i dread to think how i will feel if i get a bfn but i guess i will get through it just like i have so far, like you say, its not her fault but hormones and emotions are all over the place and its hard to keep it together. Luckily i have taken the time off work now until after my 2ww so i can keep calm/relaxed. good luck all xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi
baby sparkle-ooh nice short week for you! hope your meal went well?well  we've had a nice weekend-had hubs bro & mrs stop fri night for a bbq and wii night-great fun  then quiet night sat night and then last night unexpectedly had some friends over and they took us out for tea -nando's-our first time there-we are no longer nando's virgins! lol and today not done much-rained all day here   so just chilled-made up some fascinator orders-i make and sell hair fascinators and hairclips-its helps with ivf fund   x

michaelaeloise-hey there & welcome   it is so frustrating the waiting and when they gush etc-yes tact would help lol.whats your protocol then? wishing you all the best x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

hi Monkeybear,

Your weekend sounds lovely, I love Nando's! It rains all the time at the moment where I am   Meant to get hot by Friday though woohoo!!
The fascinator's sound a great way of making extra money, and relaxing at the same time. My husband suggested I do some extra babysitting to save in case we need to go private again but no, that idea does not appeal! I'll have to think of another money making idea 
Our meal with my brother and co went well, other than that we've had a quiet weekend (as usual)!
How are you getting on with your tablets? How long do you take them for (sorry if you've already said)


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hey baby sparkle

the fascinators deffo help take my mind off it all for a bit-i love being creative. you could start a hobby?
day 4 of tablets-its basically a form of the pill-i've had very mild cramping like i'm about to start so i dunno if thats normal or not??
well they told me on fri they'd leave me on them till @ end next week depending on my lady.
so whens your af due then? then 21 days later you get a jab of what?x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi,

I had my prostap on day 21 already  waiting for bleeding to start  1-2 weeks but last time it was about 2 weeks and 4 days. Next appointment is a week tomorrow, 2 weeks and 5 days after the jab so hopefully I'll have bled by then, horrible not knowing when it's going to happen! Then I should start sniffing on 16th June. 
I don't know if it's normal or not to cramp on the pill or not sorry  Sometimes I wonder if our bodies play tricks on us as we're constantly waiting and expecting things to happen. I started getting cramps a week after the jab but so far nothing has happened (I'm sure it's because I'm thinking about it)!
Now, a new hobby for me..........what could I do.........any suggestions?!


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Ah i see-well your deffo on your way then eh?   what does prostap do? 
New hobby-what do you enjoy? are you creative? arty? collect things?active?x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

I think the prostap shuts down your cycle so that the hospital can then take control of it. A little mini menopause!!   I could be wrong but I think that's more or less what it does.

Hmmm, I enjoy cooking, reading and have just started a couple of exercise classes (so the cooking part has to be healthy)! I'm really quite boring!  Maybe I should bake lots of cakes but give them away to friends and family then I won't eat any  xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

ah i see-my norethisterone is delaying my period till they want me to come on.so they're kinda controlling it too.
cooking is always good then! baking would be fab! you could do them for charity fairs or something? i want a wii fit to keep me active as you can do less intense stuff like yoga etc sounds like you've already got yourselves a few hobbies there without realising   x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Isn't it strange how they can control our bodies! The wonders of modern medicine.

I've got the wii fit plus, it's really good. Lots of the exercises are good fun if you don't want to feel like you're working out (like me)
I haven't tried the yoga part yet as I'm not very bendy but I'm sure it'll be good!  xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

ha ha i won a wii fit plus on ebay yesterday so gonna enjoy using that when it arrives-ive been using a powerplate that vibrates but am going to  stop when start treatment dont want it vibrating my follies around lol. saying all that i seem to be ballooning at the moment! despite my good efforts! i read up about the tablets and they can cause cramps and bloating and i seem to have both-ah well good prep for the treatment i guess!? x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Well done on your win   Happy wii'ing   
Hope your bloating and cramping isn't too bad, although I suppose it gives you peace of mind it's doing something? 
Still no bleed after prostap but I'm sure it's on it's way as everyone has been very annoying today     xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Come on AF then! lol typical when you're waiting eh? i'm hoping when i come off my tabs i'll come on straight away but can take up to 4 days. cramping not as bad today. well my colleague has had her ec today bless her-not as bad as she thought-over and done with in 45 mins she says. just got p pains type thing now. i was sending her lots of positive mental vibes. so she'll have et sat or tues trasnfer she says-day 2 or 5.x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Monkey, how are you? Are you feeling ok about your colleague? 
When do you come off your tablets? I'm sure I've asked you that about 10 times already  Memory like a sieve! 
I'm sure af is just around the corner and will probably wake me up at 4am as she usually does   Very crampy this evening!
I can't believe how quickly this week has gone, sometimes it feels like time really drags (ooh I was getting sidetracked by Corrie then!) and other times it goes so quickly if that makes sense.


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hey hun
i'm not bad thanks.Feeling a little low for my colleague-funny you should ask about her-she had ec yesterday and was confident all was well and how happy she was etc then she text me in the afternoon saying she was devastated-she asked me to call her so i did and she sobbed her poor heart out-out of the 12 eggs they got not one was mature enough  . She's devastated-I really feel for her. Shes in a mess right now. I tried to give her positive thoughts that it wasnt the end and that she shouldnt give up-the consultant will be able to tell her where they think they can make improvements for another cycle. I feel so bad for her. Made me feel like crying. It makes you realise how uncertain and fragile ivf is.  
She was nhs so at least she isnt thousands out of pocket and can fund her next cycle but its such a shame. 
Its made me soooooooo scared coz if that happened to us we wouldnt be able to afford another round of ivf  
Anyway we're all different i guess but it made me realise i dont care how daft people think i am for taking lots of vitamins and not drinking tea anymore or diet drinks etc etc i'm gonna do the best i can for myself. not heard from care yet even though they said they'd call this week   so will give them till tues and then call as they said they'd keep me on them till towards end next week. Just hope everythigns ok with my lady  
So has your af arrived?? Hope so then onto the next stage?
This week has gone quick for me coz i've had allsorts planned and this weekend will too no doubt. I'm sure i''ll be jabbing before i know it! Ahh scary!!xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Oh no that's awful, the poor woman  That must be soul destroying to get that far then have it snatched away so to speak 
There are so many stages during the whole blooming process where it could go wrong it's frightening. I always feel that my first cycle was done by the skin of my whiskers, everything went to plan but at the same time everything was only just ok or just enough. I feel for you with the egg sharing, so much rides on it. I thought I'd have more eggs than I did and because the other lady gets the extra one if it's an odd number I only had 3 and only 1 fertilised but did it perfectly. ET was a trauma so I always wonder if they put my wee embie in far enough (stupid cervix)  Your lady is probably worrying how you're getting on as well! Did you opt to find out the outcome for her? I said I didn't want to know as I knew how I'd feel if she had bfp and I didn't.

Oh you're not daft at all with your vitamins........here's my craziness  3xRoyal Jelly, 3xZita West Mulit vits, 1xL-Arginine and 1xBee Propolis a day (takes some remembering I can tell you)! CD every night (woke up last night and found I was onto the next track and had probably been subconsciously imagining embryo's floating around my womb, oops)!! I also carry around a pouch of fertility crystals (did warn you it was crazy). I also watch what I eat, trying to lose weight but at the same time not eating things full of sweeteners etc. If anyone thinks we're daft then they probably haven't been in our situation.

Yep, af arrived in the middle of the night!! Yay, I can go to an app and my body will have cooperated for once! App wed for the scan and bloods then sniffing on 16th. What do you do after your tabs, is it injections?

Glad you've got a busy schedule planned, anything good? xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi baby sparkle  
I know awful-shes just rang me-she took my advice and went for her review today and it has helped her-shes a lto more perkier-they dont understand why its happened-could be a genetic prob with her eggs or could be the drugs werent right. They're putting on menopur(like me) and she can start again in just 3 months which is great news for her-and she gets it all free again on nhs coz its classed as a cancelled cycle-so some consolation.Has deffo made me more scared though. Gotta stay positive! You've had a traumatic time too! 
I havent had to decide yet if i want to know the outcome-i'll wait till i know mine then decide.
I'm on about 12 vitamins a day-i'm upping my royal jelly from 1 to 3 a day once i'm stimming.I'm on pregnacare,folic,vit b complex,vit b12,vit c,iron,selenium,royal jelly,bee propolis erm and some more but i cant think right now lol i am goin to check with care when i go for my injection training that they're happy for me to continue taking them all as i got it from a protocol on here by angel bumps-have you read it?
ooh a cd? i hadnt thought of that-fertility crystals-daft?no-i have a little statue that we bought on honeymoon from mexico last year that is made from obsidian and its supposed to have fertile qualities-we've doen what the locals say and washed it in saltwater on a full moon and then sprinkled the water in a circle the next morning-even! so no deffo not daft lol.
yay for af-really pleased for you hun.one step forward eh?
I'm straight onto stimming on menopur after care call me to tell me to stop taking the pill and my af arrives. off to step daughters tonight-shes doing surprise get together for her dad with the other kids for his bd-and tomorrow i'm taking him on his first ever train ride at the age of 39! i've booked a train hopper ticket for derbyshire-Wirksworth. So will be lovely walks and find somewhere for lunch. My aunt is over from south affrica so seeing her on sunday-how about you?  xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Has he never ever been on a train??     What a sheltered life he's led! That sounds like a lovely weekend. 
I'm working tonight babysitting the 2 children I nanny for, I don't work Friday's so it's just a bit of overtime. They're so well behaved and lovely so I don't mind. Then we'll see what the weather's like before we decide what to do. Might go for a bike ride if the nice weather continues, but it doesn't look good!

That's great that your colleague will get the treatment paid for again, I know it's not ideal but like you said it is a consolation. We must keep positive!    You keep doing your moonlit sprinkling and I'll keep holding my crystals! 

Enjoy your weekend   xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

yep-never can you believe? thought about time i put that right lol.
a nice bikeride in the sunshine would be lovely  enjoy whatever you end up doing hun-whereabouts in the uk are you by the way? im in notts.
yes we'll carry on-not doing noone no harm are we?  
xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

We're near Glasgow so today's weather is about as good as it gets! So annoying when it never lasts though. Hope it stays nice for all your walks xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hi weather cooled down a bit and started raining in the afternoon sat, so didnt manage a walk   but we still had a lovely day. 
how was your weekend?x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Glad you had a good time despite the weather. Did dh enjoy his train ride?!
We had a fairly quiet weekend, had friends up for brunch on sat, then I had a nap! Then we went to the cafe near us for a quick coffee after dinner and bumped into some friends so we sat with them and had a good evening  

Yesterday we cleaned the car inside and out...........exciting stuff!


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Yes he did thanks-bless him.Nice weekend for you then  I forgot to say my dad lived in East Kilbride for a few years so I spent some time up there. I also have friends in Ayr still that i met when visiting my dad.  x


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## LadyBella (Jan 6, 2008)

Hi Monkeybear,

On my first round of ICSI I bumped into an old school friend and we cycled at the same time, even down to egg collection. She was successful first time and now has 2 adorable twins a boy and girl, mine failed but my FET worked and I have a gorgeous DS to show for it. At the time I went through a massive rollercoaster of emotions - happiness for her, anger, confusion you name it I felt it. The one thing I would say is do not feel guilty for how you feel if this happens......the one thing that you are left with after these feelings is hope that one day it will work for you. My motto was 'everything happens for a reason' and as hard and rubbish as it can be it really is true.  xxxxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hi Ladybella
thanks for sharing your experience. i also believe in what will be will be-all we can do is our best!unfortunately my poor colleague didnt get past ec-all of her eggs werent mature enough. Shes due to start a 2nd cycle in a few months time, so shes understandably devastated at the mo. shes due back tomoz. I'm so glad your fet worked-a happy ending   i   we at least get some frozen embies out of it incase our first attempt fails as i dont think we could afford a 2nd cycle of ivf.    xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi Monkeybear, 

We're about 45 mins from Ayr, I used to go to acupuncture in a town on the way to Ayr from where we are, but it became too expensive. I naively started about a year after ttc and after a year of going it became too much cost wise. Might think about going back though as I did enjoy it, might do it to relax  
Do you come up to visit your friends much? Handy for Prestwick airport  

Ladybella, congratulations on your DS, it's nice reading success stories, gives you hope!


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi
i havent been up to see them for about 5 years now, but they actually live in prestwick.   feelin bit grumpy today lol-not sure why-they're annoying me at work-care not rang last week like they said so i'm calling them today.
my poor colleague was due back today but has had to go for  scan as is getting a lot of pain now-from the ec. Shes having a terrible time of it   x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi Monkeybear,

I think these drugs do make us a bit grumpy for no apparent reason   I know mine certainly do   Poor DH gets the brunt of it and anything can set me off and I become a dragon!  
That's naughty that the clinic didn't ring you, did you manage to get hold of them today? Hope everything's ok.
What was the outcome of your colleagues scan? xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

ps lovely photo


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hi hun
thank you-it was from our wedding last june-our first anniversary on sunday 
God i'm not even on the stimming drugs yet-god help everyone ha ha!
They told my colleague she has mild ohss But they said her eggs werent mature that they took and they'd not mentioned it on prev scans-and what would've happened if the eggs were ok and they were put back in-I thought they cant do that if you have ohss?? Anyway seems she didnt ask anymore questions but i'd have been demanding answers, guess everyones differnt and she's obviously still very upset. She's not come in again today and not replied to my text so i dunno whats happening now. They didnt give her tablets or anything.
Hows you?xx


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## angelajely (Jun 18, 2009)

Hi monkey bear. How did it work out in the end? I work with a very close friend who has been going through treatment with me. I'm a few weeks ahead of her. In the 2ww at mo. We've said to each other not to be afraid of telling one another if we get bfp but I don't think I will anyway. I never have been pregnant- dh is sterile so we have no choice but to rely on treatment. She has pcos but had a mis carriage last year. We're trying to keep each other positive but not sure what will happen when one us, if any, are lucky enough to get a bfp. Think it'll be her first though! Hope u are ok and that it's looking good for both of you.


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## angelajely (Jun 18, 2009)

Sorry monkeybear. Doing this in my phone and it hadn't loaded ur most recent posts when I posted. Sounds awful about your colleague. Fingers crossed she is ok. X


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi angelajely
yes very sad for her-she is trying again in 3 months.
I start stimming next week-very nervous now.Goodluck for your 2ww-when do you find out?xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi Monkeybear,

How are you? How was your anniversary? Hope you had a lovely time   
Nowt exciting to report here, we were away at dh sisters for the weekend, never a relaxing experience! But home now, day off today and back to work tomorrow xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi baby sparkle
anniversary was lovely-it rained all day so stay snuggled in pjs till early afternoon then went to cinema and then for a meal. Was nice   thank you.
i'm not bad-getting a few cramps just waiting to start now so can go for inj training and then start jabs.
ha ha i think its hard to ever be totoally relaxed in others houses. chill out day today for you or anythingplanned?x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Root canal!!!!


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Root canal!!!!


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

ooooooooooh nooooooooooo-hope it goes ok hun-deffo not a relaxing day then!  x


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## amanda8416 (Apr 26, 2011)

Sorry to jump right in,

I totally get how you feel, mt hb best friends Gf is due the same week i would have been due had i not miscarried at 9 weeks. hard isn't the word, we've been trying since 09, and my signature shows the issue we have now, i get so angry when people who dont try have no worries, my whole family, (believe me there are a lot of them) are all fertile bunnies, and have no problems there, 

to be honest i just shut myself away from it all, i dont see anyone or speak to anyone, i find its the best way for me. that way its not in my face,
we start ivf in august, so i'm trying to stay positive for that, i pray to whoevers out there we are successful, after my hb losing both his parents we really do need our silver lining,


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi Amanda8416,

I have exactly the same feelings that you do, and I'm sure we're not alone. It always feels like someone has slapped me when they announce their pregnancy or they feel the need to tell me about someone else who's pregnant. I have told a few people to stop telling me about people I don't even know, it's hard enough when it's people you do know! But I have read that quite a lot of ladies have the same reaction as me and once the baby is actually born I couldn't care less!! I will confess I did cross the road the other day to avoid someone who just announced her news on ******** (couldn't face being nice)!! Aren't I bad   
I have noticed as well that I was beginning to shut myself away from friends as they all have children and I was feeling left out, but I have been trying not to, and to be honest they don't really let me get away with it! 
I did bump into a lady who had her baby the same time as my ectopic would have been due, that was hard and I didn't even look at the baby, couldn't bare to. All very unfair to us going through tx.

Good luck when August comes around xx

Monkeybear, root canal done and dusted. Not the most pleasant experience but had to be done. Never really had any dental work so I was a bit of a drama queen about it! Still numb now but me thinks it'll hurt later xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi

amanda-unfortunately my friends ivf didnt work so now it could be roles reveresed. its so awkward. shes trying again in 3 months so hopefully she'll get her bfp. i can only afford one go so its now or never i think unless we come into some money lol.my bro's girlf is due a baby this week-i dont really get on with him and the baby wasnt planned they're always on off-so it feels like a really cruel blow   along with various other friends getting pregnant etc.we got to be strong eh?

babysparkle-glad your root canel is over with-stock up on paracetamol. i've just been informed i've got a work meeting in an hour about my ivf! they refused to talk about it before and tell me where i stood with regards to getting paid etc-they've also banned a colleague from talking to me about it so i'm dreading it-if they stress me out and it impacts my treatment i'll NEVER forgive them. Everyone has kids and wouldnt understand its very easy for them to sit and preach. my colleague who's had failed cycle is going for the same meeting 20 mins before me!   am feeling very emotional and stressed right now x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Oh my goodness!! You poor thing   be strong and whatever they say do not let it stress you out. They really should have done this earlier as you've already started treatment now! Silly buggers. Do you work full time? I was so so lucky last cycle, my boss just let me come in late, finish early etc and I took holiday and sick days for et and ec. But I couldn't cope with the guilt so this time I'm keeping a track of hours I owe and they can use me for extra babysitting or I'll work the hours mon or fri. Because I nanny for a family it means that my tx is affecting them as well so I'm trying to make it as easy for them as well as me. But your bad boss should have spoken to you ages ago.
Let me know how it goes, good luck!!xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi
urgh they were awful-the HR woman who was supposed to be a friend has started it all and done it so they would do it this week. I actually hate her i think now. I'd been asking for clarification for months on where i stood as regards treatment related sickness etc and i've been verbally told by my dept director it would be "sorted" all he was interested in was if i was coming back or not shoul it work. i've asked and asked since for confirmation but was told by hr lady i'd be wise to keep my mouth shut to get it paid. Then they decided to tell yesterday i have to take it unpaid or as hol and i have to produce evidence of where i've been. which is fair enough but i needed that answer 3 months before i used 2 weeks on a hol to canada-now i have not much left to last me till next april! i cant afford unpaid leave.They also already paid my colleague 2 days sickness and all her appointments.anyway i wrote a letter to the md explaining it all and he sat me down today and had a chat with me and apologised for how it was handled etc-they're giving me 2 days paid sick  so i can use them for my ec and he's said i can borrow a week from next year if it helps. So feel much better now although the 2 women in my office arent talking to me now for telling him everything! Oh the joy! Sorry for the v.long story! So hows you?xxx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Oh no what a nightmare! That's terrible they have treated you like that. Glad it's been semi sorted out.

Not a lot happening here, scan tomorrow so they can decide whether to continue tx or sort cysts out first. Tooth is killing me after the dentist yesterday! All helping the diet


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## amanda8416 (Apr 26, 2011)

life would be boring if we always got what we wanted without working for it, 

oh no Monkeybear, thats awful, work can be a nasty place, dont worry about the girls in the office, just concentrate on yourself, be selfish for once, only you matter xx Sorry to here the other ladies didn't work this round, i have everything crossed for you xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

babysparkle-ggodluck for today hun sending  !xx
amanda-yes i'll try to stay calm-its hard when such a horrible atmosphere coz they wont talk to me-ah well they're loss x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi monkey,

Hope work isn't too horrible for you  

Scan went ok, a couple of cysts were smaller and as long as hormone levels are ok they're happy for me to start dailies today, fingers crossed! If not I might need another prostap......That nasal spray gives you a mighty fine headache, by golly!
How are you getting on? Any sign of af?!xx


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## luckyinluv (May 11, 2008)

Hi monkeybear, 

I am in a very similar situation to you, my hubby also has children and so we cant have IVF on NHS, in our five years of struggle we have had countless happy anouncements come our way including my best friend conceiving naturally in the exact same month as my second IVF which was a BFN!  

Since then I have had to watch as my hubbies daughter announced a pregnancy to a boy she had known for two months, she smoked and drank through the pregnancy and gave birth to an absolutely gorgeous little boy and I had to stand at the hospital bedside with a smile on my face as my hubby held his grandson for the first time and fell totally in love with a child that didnt belong to me.

financially we never thought we could manage the treatments needed but somehow we have done three IVF's and one surgical attempt at repairing my blocked tubes all privately!!  

Dont give up hope, you can do it...good luck to you with this cycle, I hope that you will get that BFP.  in the meantime remember we are all much stronger than we think


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## angelajely (Jun 18, 2009)

Hi Monkeybear. Period tried to start yesterday and test today confirmed BFN. Totally gutted,. Have lost track of how many lots of treatment we have had now but we'll have to keep trying. Thankfully we have just come into some money- won't be processed for a while so some scrounging around to do in the mean time. Don't think I can have another go until at least Sept but got a cancellation appointment next Friday to go over it all again. The usual, 'we don't know why it hasn't worked', 'each time there is less chance of it working', etc etc. Totally in despair. My colleague has had her IVF called off this month. I know she went to the hospital yesterday presumably for consultant appointment. She has tried to keep me positive in the last few days but I knew that it hadn't worked yesterday. Had so many preg symptoms before that but shouldn't have got my hopes up. Evil pessaries! 

Anyway

Hope you are getting on ok with everything.

Good luck everyone trying this month.
x


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hi ladies
baby sparkle-good news that you can progress then!!yay-no draining req'd!x
luckyinluv-hi there-it is so hard isnt it-my brothers baby is due this week! the week i start treatment!hey weret trying and hes really not a very nice person-we dont get on. seems so unfair. but hey ho.and my dh's daughter had a baby at the age of 19 so i also have a step grandson-love him to bits-needless to say her quick marriage lasted a year and the divorce has just come through-been loser boyfriend after loser boyfriend since! grr.x
angelajely-aww hun-i'm so sorry chick. its good your not giving up and you know what your doing when.Will you change clinic??x

ok afm...i went to the clinic yesterday as was spotting and was hubs day off so egg share nurse said come in so i had injection training,consent forms and another blood test. I even injected myself! omg was so easy!i was worried for nothing-painless and easy with the needles i'll be using  Phew!! on way home started properly so rang them and they're starting me stimming tongiht forst scan first thing monday-eek! wow really happening now!! xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

That's so exciting monkeybear! What drugs do you have for stimming? I don't have another scan til 24th, week tomorrow, then another one mon 27th. It's great when things move forward to the next step   

Angelajely, so sorry to read about your outcome   life is cruel isn't it? I hope you get some answers at your follow up appointment


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi babysparkle
i'm on menopur then on day 5 i introduce cetricide as well for the remainder. did my first jab last night -no probs-i think a little few drops of liquid leaked during the process but i think thats normal-was bit itchy and stung an incy bit but was cool-no worries. least i know what to expect now-have had evil period pains this time putting it down to the norestisterone pill.x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

They do sting a bit don't they! The gonal f stings, but weirdly didn't last night! Hurt putting the needle in yet it doesn't normally but no stinging. Not sure which I prefer! Does the menopur leave the weird white circle round where you injected? I freaked the first time I saw that but the clinic assured me it was normal. 

Do you know how long you're stimming for? I'm at least 9 days then I've got a scan and blood test. Last time I was 15 days!


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hi hun
no i just have a little red spot where i put the needle in-think i may have slipped as on close inspection looks more like a tiny cut!? i have 10 days worth of drugs but could be from 8 days i think they said-i dont mind them now just not looking forward to mixing the 1200 dose as the nurse said people struggle due to the vacuum so i think i'll let hubs do it ha ha.glad i've got him to help me.my first scan is day 5 before i introduce the 2nd injection in ,cetricide.feel more positive now i'm actualy doing something!!   x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

I know what you mean, quite a relief to actually be doing something other than waiting   I think it's good for the men to do something useful and help out, last cycle mine used to uncap everything and flick out air bubbles! This time as the pen is pre loaded he gets the antiseptic wipe out and disposes of the needle, bless! Oh and he kindly woke me at 7 with my nasal spray, let me sniff then left me in peace so I could go back to sleep, I need a good lay in   
I think I used to scratch myself with the menopur sometimes when I was removing the needle, if I had it at a slight angle. 
What you up to this weekend?xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hey hun-aww bless em eh?i've let dh do the mixing and prep for me-all i do is inject   day 4 now-all good,scan tomoz and start of 2 jabs a day tomoz!cant wait to be off and away from work for 2 weeks-i hate the atmosphere-i cant bringmyself to speak to the hr woman knowing what she has done  wellwe took ians daughter for a chinese buffet which she wanted to go to for her 15th bd then we had my friends bbq party in the evening.just spent time in garden today tried out wii fit,sewing and puttin some bits on ebayhow about you then?x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi,

Sounds like you had a good weekend, it's rained all weekend here so no bbq's for us! Surely summer will arrive one day soon....... 
When do you stop for your 2 weeks off? Or are you waiting to find out when ec and et will be? Is your scan to check follicles?

We had a quiet day yesterday, did a bit of shopping then I had a nap   sooooo tired, don't know if it's injections or spray but I needed a nap as we were babysitting in the evening and couldn't be seen sleeping on the job! Today we were at the in laws for fathers day and had a lovely meal.

Day of rest tomorrow   

Let me know how you get on with your scan xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hey chick

well had my scan-they said early days but 6 follies on right @ 7mm 9 on [email protected] and the rest tiny so think thats ok. But they worried me by telling me they could see blood present and asked if i was still on my p-which i'm not-normally i get spotting for few days after but i just stopped-it was a horrible p though-terrible cramps and very heavy one day and yuk stuff. They said if theres any kind of fluid present they cant complete the cycle so am worried now. Have posted a new topic on here to see if anyone else has had same prob. They want to see me again on wed. so more bloods and another scan, todays bloodtest bruised me. also they cant get me as early-will be 8:30 so will have to work through some of my lunch.
i've been feeling really tired and bit headachy but no other symptoms. Enjoy your chillout day today-the suns shining here!Hope it is up north too x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi,

Hope things are ok by wed. Did they mean your lining was too thick or was the blood somewhere else? Did you have a scan after af to check the pills had done their job? Sorry I'm not much help, hopefully someone will have an answer for you, but you know where I am if you want to chat   
My bleed after the prostap injection was heavier than normal but they did warn me it'd be quite different to my usual af. That's when I had the scan to check the thickness of lining (which was nice and thin as meant to be) and to check that nothing was going on in ovaries (which in my case that was when they discovered the cysts) Nothing seems to go smoothly during ivf but hopefully they'll have an answer for you on wed.

How is work going? In a way I'm lucky as the only people I work alongside are 2 and 5! Although I do have to answer to the older one about where I've been and what am I sniffing (caught out). I'll be going down for the white lies I've told.........hospital app for sore neck, nasal spray for hay fever!

Sun trying to shine here, thought about hanging the washing outside but looks too risky. Which reminds me, it's still sat in the machine!


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi
no she just said there was blood there and she thinks its from my period still. no this was first scan-stopped pill a week ago on saturday.Thanks sweetie-am sure will get more info on wed-hopefully will be good news. onto my additional cetricide jab tonight.Hope thats as easy as the others. The multidose syringes for my menopur are but longer than the first 2 and take a bit more pushing to get them in.
work is quiet and really dragging. wish it could be like it was before but i cant imagine it ever being now. i'm just sat quietly getting on my work. ha ha you have nosey little people wondering what you're up to and where your going! I'm sure everyone would understand your need for the white lies  
its looking lovely all day here. we never hang our washing out even on nice days lol-we use the conservatory. we should use outside more-cant beat the smell of freshly dried clothes outside though.
have decided am going  to have a relaxing warm(not too hot) bath tonight-see if that clears things xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi
no she just said there was blood there and she thinks its from my period still. no this was first scan-stopped pill a week ago on saturday.Thanks sweetie-am sure will get more info on wed-hopefully will be good news. onto my additional cetricide jab tonight.Hope thats as easy as the others. The multidose syringes for my menopur are but longer than the first 2 and take a bit more pushing to get them in.
work is quiet and really dragging. wish it could be like it was before but i cant imagine it ever being now. i'm just sat quietly getting on my work. ha ha you have nosey little people wondering what you're up to and where your going! I'm sure everyone would understand your need for the white lies  
its looking lovely all day here. we never hang our washing out even on nice days lol-we use the conservatory. we should use outside more-cant beat the smell of freshly dried clothes outside though.
have decided am going  to have a relaxing warm(not too hot) bath tonight-see if that clears things xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi,

good luck with your extra jab, I can't remember the cetrotide so it can't have been bad!  These gonal f are nasty and need quite a good push, maybe it's my thick skin though   
I would have thought the clinic should have done a scan before stimming started to check everything was as it should be? That way you wouldn't have had any surprises like today? I really hope everything is ok for you. 
Yes, my little people are very very nosey! Not a thing gets past them, can't even talk in code with the older one. Ended up telling her I wanted a puppy as she overheard her mum talking to me (from quite a distance I might add)!! So I now want a puppy from Santa this year!!!
Should probably venture out for some fresh air in a while. Hope work gets better and enjoy your bath (don't follicles like to be warm)? Or is that the wrong way round.......xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hey hub
well thats good that you dont remember it-cant be too bad then eh?  these needles for my multidose menopur take a bigger push to get in but is ok. no bruising. have you bruised?
how you doin anyway?
i had an initial scan right at the start but that was prior to treatment. 
aww a puppy for xmas-will you really have to get one now? good excuse! 
well i'm hoping the bath will do some good down there lol.
speak to ya soon hun xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi,

I did bruise myself once, that was when I put the needle in then realised I hadn't pulled the plunger out   Had to quickly pull it back out, change the needle for a fresh one and try again, remembering to pull it out!! Silly me, that was the night DH was out, never again am I letting him go out when it's jab time  
Glad you've not bruised   xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hi
what do you mean hadnt pulled the plunger out?i just push it in then withdraw the needle?i dont pull the plunger back again. Hope i've been doing it right lol or are they on the pens?xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Haha don't panic, I use the pens!! Give me a normal injection any day! Did your bath have the desired affect? Or should that be effect.......


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

ha ha i never know whether its affect or effect. I dont know-we'll ahve to see. i rang care in a panic this morning coz what with work crap and this ivf treatment i managed to strat my cetrotide injections a day late-doh! anyway she said not to worry. she also said my lining looked good yesterday and not to worry about the blood it should dissolve on its own esp when the stimming effects take hold.so we'll tomorrow brings! nicer day today as hr woman off-yippee! days going quicker already!  
ah i wondered if you emant with the pens-i thought they'd be easier being like diabetic ones but obviously not. what stage are you at now then,just remind me-are you on countdown to next p?xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Oh no, glad it didn't matter about the ceteotide! I have a terrible memory and have alarms going on left right and centre to remind me when to sniff and jab   I am currently stimming and if all goes to plan EC may be in a week, but knowing me it'll probably be longer. In denial about that stage and am just praying my cysts behave and follicles grow. I got DH to inject last night, I just couldn't bring myself to do it for some reason. We did have a good giggle about it, his method to start looked a bit scary so it was more nervous laughter to begin with! If all is well tomorrow when do you expect EC to be?


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

ah wow thats good going then-have you had another scan recently? now i;ve started them both i do one on one side of tum and the other on the opposite ha ha one after the other.bit nervous for tomorrows scan.well they said they'd expect me to be stimming10-12 days-my 10th day is sat so its looking like next week for deffo for ec so we're pretty much at same stage?xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

I had a scan after my bleed following prostap. Due another one this fri to see how follies are doing and another one on Monday. I too alternate sides but my left is a bit bruised, one from me and one from nurse! Think we must be more or less at same stage   xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

soudns like it doesnt it?   lemme know how you go on fri chick xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Will do. And you let me know how tomorrow goes. Good luck


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hi
not fab news from me-what they thought was blood is in fact a polip they now think   which is sat smack bang in the centre @ 5mm big. the good news is they implant above it in the top section so hopefully the little embie will steer clear(please steer clear please) and not implant in the stupid polip. omg i didnt expect something like this to happen! just waiting for my call from them to tell me when next scan is...x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Oh no poor you, why do our bodies do this to us?! Did they say it's ok to carry on with treatment and when should next scan be? Hope you're holding up ok, it's a huge shock especially when you're not expecting something like that


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

i know-last thing i expected!we decided to continue with treatment as bit late stage now to do anything about it anyway.they just rang-back in again on for scan and more bloods lol. poor ickle veins!
We're a right pair eh?xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

We sure are! The nurse told me to drink plenty and moisturise my hands to make blood taking easier! I have to have it taken from my hands as I actually think I have no veins anywhere else! So I've been doing both   when are you back for your scan and bloods? I'm Friday   xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

oh really? in the back of your hand then? i'm buit worried about having the canula in the back of my hand for my sedation for ec-will it hurt being stuck in there for couple of hours?? They tell me i have fine veins-usually have to take it from side of centre elbow rather than the central thicker ones as they dont play ball and come up.
I'm back from Friday too   realised i left the word fri off my last message -doh! ha ha so we'll have to both swap progress then xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Well, i didn't like to say you'd missed it off!!   what time are you? I'm 8.30 yawn! Yes always get blood out the back of my hand, the usually use a kiddies butterfly needle but last week she didn't have one   ouch! The canula doesn't really hurt, might get annoying after a while that's all as you get a bit worried about catching it etc 
Good luck fri xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

ah ok-i wont worry as much now   i'm in at 9am-i told the woman at work and she only now decides to tell me that my md said i could take appts up  to @1.5 hours paid-when exactly she was gonna tell me without me telling her somet first i dont know!! bunch of muppets-at least the md is on my side altho i still think they could've given me some paid time off at their discrestion as they have in other circumstances for others-eg partners being ill-people stuck away when icelandic volcano erupted etc-oh and guess who thats afftected? yes the bloddy HR woman!! Grr   she tried to talk to me yesterday about my treatment-she sooooo dying to know what stage i'm at-i spoke but not a conversation-i just dont trust her.
lemme know how you go on chick-fingers crossed xxx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

One rule for her and another for you!! Cheek! Maybe she thinks you're a mind reader   nearly the weekend, mine starts at 6.30 tonight hooray! Early rise for hospital though, an afternoon nap might be in order   do your drugs make you tired? I can hardly keep my eyes open today, barely remember DH bringing me the nasal spray this morning!
Good luck again for tomorrow xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

yes for sure. oh well let her get on with it ha ha. how long does it take you to get to your clinic?is it in glasgow?yes they do i've been extremely tired since stimming-am sooooooo looking forward to the weekend x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

It's in Glasgow, of course it's rush hour so we'll need to leave about 7.40 to make sure we are there and parked on time. Not as bad as others journeys but bad enough. Are you close to yours? I just want to know what's going on inside my little ovaries now!xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi, hope you got on ok. I was in shock when she had finished my scan and told me EC will be either Monday or Tuesday! I have been in denial up til now, expecting something else to go wrong but she said I'd responded very well and have 11 measurable follicles, I only got 7 eggs last time so not expecting a lot this time but hopefully they'll behave!
Let me know how you got on xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi hun
wow thats good then-not long now. When are you back for another scan then?or just waiting for a call to confirm ec?
i had my 3rd scan this morn-not great again-this time they've found fluid   so each time i've coming away feeling a bit negative-even more so today.they cant do et if fluid present. And i only seem to have @ 8-10 follies by sounds of it of which half go to my recip so am worrying if they have to freeze it means not many and lesser chances of thawing ok.
Have tried to stay strong but feel like   right now. I know things could still be ok but things keep happening. Can only afford this one go at it. 
pooy!
xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Oh no poor you   Why is nothing ever simple? Where is the fluid? Are they still planning to do egg collection but if you've got the fluid fluid would they freeze your share?  It's a crappy affair especially when you've the added pressure of sharing. I remember the feeling when I got told they'd only managed to get 7 eggs, which was the minimum at my clinic for sharing. But as they say it only takes the one, you've just got to keep positive that things will work out for you, even if you get there in a non straightforward way. If only we could be guaranteed success. I hate the way things can go wrong at any stage and you can't really relax, just one hurdle after another  
They did say today that follies grow 2mm a day so if you had any smaller ones may have time to catch up. I'm not expecting many this time round    I'm waiting on the phone call to tell me, hoping it's monday as that's my day off but that'd be too easy   
Do you have another scan booked? Take care and keep positive, eat lots of protein to help those follies and do some positive thinking forwarding vibes to your fluid to bugger off and your follies to grow!     xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hi hun
she didnt really say wher it was. but i've had mucus type stuff-sorry tmi-but i always get that around this time every month which i'd read was normal so just hope it clears away. oh really so you were in that position-did you give your 7 to the recipient then? thats what we've said we'll do to get another cycle foc but i wanna be sure they'll accept us again if i'd had pobs this time. also it means more stress with work again for another cycle. 
Totally broke down earlier and blubbed after they rang me-they want me back in again tomorrow! rang hub and cried-he thinks i shouldnt let it get to me and said why was i crying-he just doesnt understand bless him-he's trying and thinks he's saying the right things. Hope my other follies grow some more so i have 12.Thanks for your well wishes hun-lemme know how you get on and when your ec will be-hope you get lots of good eggies    xxxx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Men never understand   Better to let it out. I had the choice of donating them all or keeping 3 for myself and 4 for recipient. If I had donated them all I was under the impression it would be a normal ivf cycle I'd get 'free', not sharing. Not sure if I got that right but I think that's what they said. I decided to carry on and share as I was too impatient and couldn't have coped with the stress of it all and I'd be forever wondering what if. They still asked if I wanted to keep them all for myself but that would have meant taking on the full cost (not possible) plus I'd be letting down someone else, I know we have to think of ourselves but I couldn't have done that. 
I too have a lot of mucus, very clear like fertile time of month just greater quantities   
Hospital just phoned and it's set for Monday, yikes. I really hope you get good answers tomorrow, I'll be   that things work out. Have you written down all your concerns and questions? Make sure you find out all the in's and out's of what will happen in each scenario depending on what the next step is. I think the more informed you are the more in control you'll feel. Got everything crossed for you   xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

I know bless them. They try but its hard to eh? We get another egg share cycle free so it would mean going through same to donate half again altho i guess it gives them a chance to tweak my protocol. So we'll have to see.we cant aford a full cost cycle. This has cost us £3500 as it is before any freezing costs etc.
Do you have the mucus now too? or at a different time in your cycle?
Aww am so glad you have your ec booked. are you nervous? is it a general or a sedation?wil let you know how i go on tomoz xxx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Oh my goodness that's a lot of money   Is it because it's icsi? They may well change drugs etc to give you the best chance. I still have the mucus now   guess our bodies have all these follies and are thinking we're at our fertile time?
I am very nervous now   They do it under sedation thank goodness. Got to go for 8.30am and should probably be seen late morning as we're 3rd on the list. 
What time's your app tomorrow? Don't even think about work, sod the lot of them!! Just you worry about yourself   xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hiya
yes-well the most expensive part is hubs ssr. icsi was nearly £1000. Really? i had no mucus yesterday but at this mornings scan i heard them stay fluid and polyp in cavity still present? But the mucus has just started again so i dunno if its that or not?? i have 3 that are big enough they said so they are rigning this afternoon to say whether i continue and go back monday for scan or whether egg coll mon! am hoping i'll get an extra day to stim as want them as ripe as poss to get as many as poss as others are smaller still.mine will be under sedation too. i've never had sedation or a general-not even a stitch before so am very nervous about that too lol. sure we'll be fine-in good hands and they're used to it.so i dont know if i'll even be back at work next week yet.
how long will you have off? x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Fingers crossed!! Remember they can still grow 2nm a day when you're stimming. Have you got your booster injection at the ready?! 
The sedation is a nice feeling, just like drifting off to sleep then you suddenly wake up and it's all done! I'm booked off work provisionally on Tuesday but if I feel ok I'll be going in but taking it easy. Hard thing is knowing when et would be, if I get enough little embryos that is.....my boss has to find cover if I'm off so it's not a case of just calling in sick! We'll see though, nothing is certain with ivf so there's a few more hurdles to get over first. 
Hope they ring with good news later xxx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi  

Did you hear from the clinic?


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hey hun-i'm glad ec doesnt sound too bad then  just done my hcg jab an hour ago-i go for egg coll on tues-eek! tomorrow for you. how did yours go? mine was pregnyl. Goodluck for tomorrow hun-i'll be thinkin of ya xxx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Ooh exciting!! Having said that I am now crapping it!! Excuse language   do you know I don't think I even looked at the box of my booster jab.......just did it without looking to see what it was called. It left a slight bruise  
Well, bags all packed, non nice smelling clothes laid out ready for the off bright and early. I'll let you know how I get on   xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

i'll be waiting to hear from you chick-thinking of you now xxx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi,

Thanks for the kind message. It went better than I thought and they got 14 eggs, double what they got last time! Obviously as we both now things can go wrong still but she seemed happy enough and had no bother getting to my left ovary. Got to ring tomorrow to see if they've fertilised then back on wed for the transfer    
Not really too sore at the mo, probably regret saying that later lol  
Was different kind of sedation this time, went thru a drip and I just felt drunk to begin with but must have spaced out as I don't remember much although I do remember chatting to the nurse during it??!!! Dread to think what I was saying   Last time the drugs got injected in, I conked out then woke back in recovery. Feel much more alert this time.
Hoping all goes well for you tomorrow, let me know xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hey hun-thought i'd nip back on to see if you'd replied. so you're not in pain at the mo? was it a drip in the back of your hand? i think thats what i'm getting. 14 eggs is fab! well done-are you keeping all yours? or are you on egg share also?sorry if i've asked that before-doh. lemme know how you feel later. am getting a bi nervous. do you have to have another scan before they do et? ah i'm getting nervous now lol   xxx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

No, this is my nhs shot so I get to keep them all this time   typical that the time I shared I only got 7! 
I was so nervous last night but was strangely dine this morning, even when I went into theatre I wasn't at all nervous, most unlike me   Yes, they put a canula in the back of my hand them hooked the drip up. No scan beforehand, they just used the vaginal probe to scan and collect once you're away with the fairies! All I feel is the odd mild crampy 'pain' but calling it pain is exaggerating a bit. Oh I hope I don't regret saying this but I feel fine and dandy!xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

ah am so glad it went well for you hun-i've never been in a theatre before but i dont know whether its classed as a theatre at care as its not a hospital-just a clinic. Ah-not long now!! so you couldnt remember it being done-i'm worrid about being embarrassed about a male doctor doing it and me being aware of it  ha ha xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

I  think it will be a theatre, the one at hospital today looked much like the clinic. Still had to wear fetching green hat to hide all hair at clinic and usual stuff. Remember no perfumed products   the wee eggies don't like nice smells! I maybe take it to the extreme and had a new outfit as I was paranoid I'd smell of washing powder etc! Crazy me   I can sympathise with your male dr worries but he must be doing it because he chose to?! Not sure why anyone would chose that career but if it helps get our eggs.....!! I had my own ridiculous worries that im too ashamed to mention


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

he he-yes i've been told no perfume or make up!omg-i have to leave the house without my mascara and eyeliner!!!  he he  
can you actually remember the doctor that did the ec then? or were you too out of it? sorry for 20 questions lol. i'm worrying over nothing! How you feeling now? x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Don't worry, ask away!!   I do remember the doctor, sorry! She was taking each lady into a wee room to go over the procedure beforehand then came to collect me when they were ready to start. She then took a back seat when the nurses were hooking me up to monitors and drip, then came over once the drugs were making me dopey. Honestly, it's fine     Still feeling ok, no pain still.
You know where I am if you've any more questions!xxx

Ps I was more worried about the lack of shower gel/deod etc


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi hun
just got back! well they got 9 eggs-i can keep 4. looking ok at mo. ec was fine-worst bit was canula in hand-that hurt, but then i just drifted off to sleep totally so i didnt speak to anyone apparently-out of the count-woke up in recovery-blissfully unaware-phew-so relieved. Ian had his SSR-they got some live sperm and said it was motile-the doc said there may enough spare to freeze for a future cycle too-that would be perfect! so will find out tomoz am if they're fertilising-if they are then et will be friday   In a fair bit of pain now-thought i could walk round shop to buy some lunch but had to go back and sit in car as too painful so am sat with feet up now-hubs is fine-he's gone off to get his anti biotics now that the doc prescribed except he's having trouble finding anywhere that stocks it.how you feelin now? any news on your embies??     xxx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

That's great! Well done   hope you're not in too much pain. 
7 of my eggs fertilised normally so fingers crossed they behave overnight and I'm in tomorrow at 2.15 for transfer  
Fingers crossed for your eggs tonight xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

only when i walk around so am taking docs advice and sitting with feet up-having tomoz off and maybe thurs i'll see. just hope our lil eggies and swimmers are good to each other! yay 7 eggs is fab hun-did they give you the option to go to blast? are you icsi or ivf?xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

We are ivf, no option of blast, day 2 transfer is the norm for them apparently but they will freeze any that look good enough. That would be a joyous bonus and I'll be happy as long as I've 1 (or 2) to put back!xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

well i'm sending lots and lots of      will be thing of you tomorrow hun-lemme know know how you go on xxx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Will do thanks   when will you find out how your crop is doing?xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

hi
between 10am and 12pm tomorrow. really want a takeaway now lol-hubs is snoring on the sofa bless him x


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

What a day you've both had   Did you get a lift to and from the hospital? 

Now, I think we need to be giving our bodies what they need, so if yours needs a takeaway you should go for it!   xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Nope hubs drove and then felt well enough to drive back as felt fine-even tho he wasnt supposed to ssssh   lol he he-well if we to et then i'll be on very healthy food then but tbh we cant be bothered to cook. how did you get to your clinic?xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Haha naughty dh!   Mine drove me there and back, all he had to do was his part of the deal   He even had the cheek to moan about doing it at 9am..........  Funnily enough I had little sympathy  
I've eaten rubbish all day but Mr Tesco came last night so I'm all stocked up on healthy things for the rest of the week xx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

gotta treat yourself after all this eh? we get paid tomorrow so will be doin some shopping with meats and veggies and healthy stuff for what i hpe will be 2ww and beyond! lemme know how you get on tomoz chick xxxx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Hi how's you today? Any news on embryos?xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

Hi hun-we're ok-got one embie   the others didnt fertilise properly. so gotta pray our lil one is strong and is a fighter. if it divides overnight we'll have et on friday. will hear tomorrow morning.   nerve wracking. silver lining is we have quite a bit of hubs swimmers frozen for future use  -hopefully wont need it at least not for a while.....
anyway how did YOU get on  ? how many did you have put back?Did they freeze some?xxx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Ooh well done lil embryo! Fingers crossed   and thats great about the swimmers   will they transfer tomorrow depending on how lil E looks, or is it definitely Friday? 
I had 2 put back and 5 to freeze. Trust me, it's a blooming miracle and I could not be more shocked! Such a lovely Dr, same lady who collected the eggs so it was all very personal, not what I expected from the nhs but I've been very impressed with them.
Let me know what they say tomorrow, and well done again xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

ah wow hun-thats fantastic!  you must be sooooooooo happy. et deffo friday apparently if divides-trying not to think too much into it as its driving me mad and makes me so sad thinking what if it doesnt make it.i;d like to at least get the chance to have it put back where it belongs and begin the 2ww. 
whens your otd? your now pupo! xx
Was it uncomfy?i've heard like a smear??xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

I know what you mean, I just wanted them back inside then it's no longer up to me, just nature! You keep thinking positive thoughts, I'm sure it's dividing away as we speak    
I went for acupuncture afterwards and it was great asking her all the 'silly' questions you don't want to ask the sensible Dr! 
Test date is 12th July, was worried it'd be exactly 2 weeks which would have been the 13th, no chance! 
As for the procedure, completely painless   I was dreading it last time as I thought it'd be like the dye test but you don't feel a thing. I did feel a weird sensation when she said she was going to release the embryo's but that might have just been excitement! Also my cervix was pointing downwards and I thought oh here we go, trouble! But she just 'teased' it and even that didn't hurt xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

ah all good then-fingers crossed for you hun xxx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

I've been thinking about you and hoping your phone call gives you the news you're after   xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

aww hey hun! we got the call   so far so good! divided overnight to a 4 cell-its good quality one she said and grade 1-2-apparently 1 is the best so its looking good. Booked in at 12:30pm for et tomorrow but have to wait for a call first to see if it divides to 6 cells overnight as they like to see a 6 cell. Ah -sooooooooooo nerve wracking! 
how you doing? i started the pessaries this morning lol. Are you on ********?
i'm watching a programme about a sperm donor and his children-its very interesting and gives an insight to how donor children react/live with the knowledge that they are from a donor xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

Yay!!!!! That's brilliant!! Well done lil embryo   How exciting  
Ah the pessaries.........are you on cyclogest? I declined crinone as I had them before and wanted everything different this time (as if that makes any odds) but when I opened the box and didn't see an applicator    So my dh has made me a device hahaha!!!!! I knew those unused tampax compak would come in handy (obviously with tampon removed) but it seemed to do the trick this morning.
I saw a clip about the donor programme but missed it, was it bbc? 
Yep I'm on ********, you? I'll pm you xxx


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

yyp-one more night to go... i'm on utrogestan-no applicator lol-just have to shove it up there as far as it will go!!  lovely!
if you have catch up its on 4. more 4-really quite interesting-all the half siblings of the donor found each other! xx


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## babysparkle (Mar 28, 2011)

I'm to take the pessaries til the end of 2ww   what fun!


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## monkeybear (Feb 2, 2011)

mine are 2 a day till 10 weeks pregnant!!x


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