# Frightened of recurrent miscarriages again



## danielle1370 (Dec 4, 2012)

Hello as you can see by my signature having our first born was not easy and blighted by lots of sadness through miscarriage. We are thinking about trying again in the near future however we are both extremely fearful of history repeating itself. With our daughter now in tow I it leaves me worrying about  how I would cope if these things did happen again given the high levels of emotional turmoil. I almost feel selfish for wanting to try again and knowing that there is a real risk of problems evolving again. Does anyone else feel this way and have serious reservations about trying again given their past? We had recurrent miscarriage testing and it didn't show any issues,  however three in a row seems worse than just bad luck! Thanks


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## Riley12 (Aug 12, 2013)

Hi,

I know exactly how you feel. I worry that I'll get so caught up in trying and treatment that my little miracle will suffer; I do know another couple who did just that and their little DD sort of tagged along and they missed a lot of fun times or didn't enjoy all the developments as they should have etc. When do you stop? When is enough really enough? I don't want to be like someone with a gambling addiction holding out for the big win. 

It's a minefield isn't it?! I also think we should be happy with what we have and not push our luck; I'm quite a bit older than you so I have all those associated risk factors added in. I also worry that I'll wish we had just stuck with one and that two will be not as fun as I imagine; again age related I think and the fact all my friends with two keep telling me to "stick with one!!!"  

Then of course the heartbreak of miscarriages kills a bit of us each time doesn't it? Do I want to risk that again. How will DD cope with mummy being so sad? 

Not sure this helps you at all but wanted to say I know where your head is right now and send you a hug. 

I'm so sorry for your losses  

Riley x


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## VickieAnna (Apr 7, 2012)

I'm right here with you both, we've started trying again and have already suffered one MC which was back in December, sometimes I think we should just count our blessings and be happy with our beautiful boy! But I so want to give him a sibling. We've decided a timeline and allowed ourselves a set amount of tries before we will stop, I think that's important for us with having one child already as I certainly don't want him to suffer in order for us to have another! X


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## Riley12 (Aug 12, 2013)

So sorry for your loss VickieAnna   

Are you going to try again? 

I've told DH that we'll try until Dec naturally but that's it. I don't want anymore IVF and I hit a milestone birthday that month too; for me personally it will be time to call it a day xx


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## VickieAnna (Apr 7, 2012)

We are in the process, we had a BFP last week and it's been a completely stressful time. Had bloods and they were good, then started bleeding so we were heartbroken, but had bloods back again and the levels have increased but not as much as they should so we're now retesting bloods on Wednesday. If this cycle doesn't work we have 2 more frozen embryos so we will use those and then I think we will call it a day. 

It's so hard deciding when enough is enough and if our child will resent us for being an only child! So much stress! 

I don't blame you not wanting to go through IVF again, it's the hardest thing I've ever done! X


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## danielle1370 (Dec 4, 2012)

Hi thanks for your replies I'm so glad I'm not alone with these feelings. The hardest thing is knowing when to stop and I'm frightened I won't be able to once the ball is rolling. My other half wants to limit it to a year but I feel that's too short as lots of couples take that long to conceive even without difficulties but then I remember all to well how long a year felt waiting for that BFP. 



Vickianna so sorry to hear about your loss, I really hope that your current BFP sticks. It's all the stress that comes with pregnancy too even when you get that BFP, I remember being like a crazy woman doubting every day that the pregnancy would succeed, we had about 10 scans and i remember driving myself insane just thinking that one day it would all be snatched away. Neither the ttc or pregnancy is enjoyable when you've had problems in the past. 

Riley do you think you will try again? 

We had the 'chat' last night and going to try again after we go to Disney in the new year. I'm excited to try again but more fearful than anything else. Sometimes I feel like infertility sucked all the enjoyment out of it all. Obviously it's worth it when your little bundle of joy is born at the end but the process to get there is just really hard!


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## Riley12 (Aug 12, 2013)

VickieAnna, how are you? Any news?  

Danielle, I really feel like IVF and the miscarriages took a bit of me that I'll never get back, so I completely understand what you say about the enjoyment. I find it hard to be as positive about things as I used to be too which makes me sad. 

My DD is the love of my life and she brings me so much happiness which makes me want another. We have decided to try naturally until December but after that we are calling it a day. I was married before so this has been 18 years of trying before DD arrived  

xx


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