# will the tears stop?



## miss mischeif 1 (Sep 6, 2010)

I found out last night my cycle failed, after I thought was a great cycle I have a really low amh and produced two great blasts
and they didnt implant. I think I got my hopes up so much and they all fell down yesterday. 

I have stage 4 endo and frozen pelvis and just worried that a new problem is going to unfold now and just want to gain some support 
from others as cant stop crying. I have booked a follow up tommorw 

Has anyone got any thoughts pleasexxxxx


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## wendycat (Nov 18, 2006)

I can't help I'm afraid, but I didn't want to read and run. So sorry about your failed cycle. Gentle, gentle   

Wendy


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## Curio1 (Jan 24, 2010)

Miss Mischief, All I can say is sorry about your news, it is so disappointing when that miracle is not granted but there are many people on here that have been rewarded from further cycles & so there is always hope. Hold on to that please, it sound like your cycle went really well and you got good quality fertilised embies, that's a good sign that it can happen again.

I haven't yet experience the ache that must be with you but as someone about to start tx I dread it ever day. Let your self grieve, adjust to the disappointment & look forward for 2011 could be our year.


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## dancingqueen (Jan 12, 2006)

Sorry to hear of your BFN, I too got same result yeserday. Not sure if it has sunk in yet to be honest and just dont know what to do with myself etc. Mines was to be expected as I was told my chances were limited as my embryos wernt the best after the thaw but my hopes were still up especially as my period didnt show on test day, but thats down to the progesterone
Let us know how the follow up goes, I wont get mine for a week or 2 due to the heavy snow here
hugs xx


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## chadwick13 (Jun 30, 2010)

Miss Mischief, 
I'm so sorry  
We had our bfn on Sunday, and it's been truly, truly horrible. I can't explain why we've been so depressed about it, as we always knew there was a good chance it wouldn't work (we only had a 5 cell embryo - and nothing to freeze). I'm so sorry for you right now. Nothing prepared us for how emotionally draining this would be. I'm sure it will get better. I keep thinking I'm getting over it, and then the slightest thing tips me back over the edge again. It's our 15th year anniversary today, and we really can't face the idea of celebrating as nothing seems quite worth it right now. I'm hoping things will get better soon. For us, we're trying to focus on a new challenge, and it's the only thing keeping us going, but it's not easy sweetie. 

Are you going to try again? Our local pct has just suspended funding, so we're probably going to have to pay for another round. 
Try to focus on Christmas and giving yourself some time to recover.


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## miss mischeif 1 (Sep 6, 2010)

Hi 
Thanks for the messages, I think we should start a thread if you all would like to to support each other. 
I understand how you all totally feel it has broken my heart, I walked across Chelsea Bridge today and looked at the hospital
and said to my partner Mark when we were last here we had a 4aa and a 2ab blastocyst, I left thinking this is it..thats what I did 
and it is easy to say I wont get my hopes up next time but I think you all know when you have even a tiny hope of a child it makes
you feel on top of the world
Im not going to go on about myself as I can really do that recently and about how unfair that cycle was as my amh is so low, 
but one thing I really want to share with you all I had a follow up today and the consultant has totally changed my way of thinking
he said to think my son he was tranfered on day 3 8 cell along with another 8 cell-this cycle worked. My last two were 150 cells each
this cycle didnt work?why because nature is nature and just because you have not got super dupa eggs it really doenst mean its going to work, he
said it takes two things wall and egg if them two are prepared to play ball your in for a chance. So girls lets start a countdown to the New
Year together and all our new starts as we are going to do this, thinking of you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## MARIE FRANCES (Dec 18, 2010)

Well done for showing real inner strength and determination at such an early stage. Do not give up hope when there is still the possibility of new life in the future. Cry and grieve as much as you want and need-it's natural and necessary.  
I am in the middle of losing our 2 (day 3) 8 cell embryos. So so hard and upsetting but I am not going to give up and i am thinking ahead to what our next step is. Like you, I have a low amh and i'm not sure whether we should try a fresh cycle while there is still a chance of getting eggs or to try our 2 frozen blastocysts first?
There is no part of this process that isn't horrendously stressful but we all do it because we want to have our babies.
Life is unfair but we are the strong ones who will appreciate it even more when our dreams come true.
Take care xx


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## miss mischeif 1 (Sep 6, 2010)

Theres nothing anyone can say when your cycle fails, I think like you say you need to work through it but I read an article what do you do if your 
cycle fails sit in a dark room and cry or do you look at yourself as a person and go with your feelings being happy with what you have in your life

I to have a v low amh and on my last cycle had 2 blastos the consultant said we must look at this as a positive as things could have gone the other way
I think when you are ready try not to be afraid as even if your body has a low amh it doent mean you cant do it, amh is just part of the recipe and 
not the whole ingredients so dont give up on yourself, nobody knows what is going on in your body xxxxx I 

I agree, Im not going to look back as theres nothing I can do now, I have my down reg scan on 7th January and feel better again I have got 
my chances again its the only way I think I will cope is to keep on trying.i have taken it all a little bit different this time had a lovely christmas 
drink with friends last night and laughed and relaxed, I think we can all be to hard on ourselves about doing the right thing, I am going to detox this
time but i am also going to listen to my feelings and my partners.

Thanks for your lovely message, girls that go through ivf are very strong people and i feel makes you appreciate things much more in life xxxxxx


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## MARIE FRANCES (Dec 18, 2010)

Hear hear! Despite all the heartache and whatever happens in the future, we all know that we've had the strength and courage to try everything we possibly can to have a baby. If/when that happens we will enjoy it and appreciate it sooooo much more than people who achieve it easily (good luck to them but it is so annoying at times!!) 
You are completely right when you say that we are guilty of being too hard on ourselves; I did everything I could to make this cycle work and it didn't. Sometimes I think we put too much pressure on ourselves. I plan to drink my red wine and coffee again until I need to detox in prep for next cycle. Look at all these women that get pregnant while drinking etc. Life is so unfair!!
Let's all give ourselves a break and try to take some pleasure from the festive season if at all possible. 
X


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## miss mischeif 1 (Sep 6, 2010)

I had a lovely drink of red wine last night and laughed in company of lovely friends, I read a story of a lady that tried everything she 
possibly could for six months before her 2nd ivf it failed by 3rd she thought i give up a little bit relaxed put no preasure on herself and 
it happened. Im not saying to go out and drink cause it makes it better or makes a cycle work, but we are all still human and need some reality

I am going to treat this cycle different, I want a baby so much but if natures meant to be it will be. My friend is an inspiration to me she got 
cancer and had a child naturally but needed to adopt as she had to have a hystorectomy, she and her husband are the best parents ever, they 
are happy, content family and alot of people would envy the love they have for each other. I think when you put so much energy and love
into something along these lines you will always come off being more content as you wanted so much

Anyway ill let you go back to your xmas plans im relaxing tonight in bed and writing my list for tommorw, are you ready  x x x


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## MARIE FRANCES (Dec 18, 2010)

Miss Mischief, 

the stories of the lady and of your friend are very uplifting thank you. There is always hope and other options out there for us. 
I had another really bad night with lots of pain still so hoping it eases soon-not pleasant. I'm pretty organised for xmas as I knew my treatment was going to be at this time and if it had worked I wanted all my shopping done. just got a few last gifts to buy and wrap and food shopping to do. Going to try and enjoy it as much as possible. 
I hope you and yours have a lovely Christmas and a happy, productive 2011.
X


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## miss mischeif 1 (Sep 6, 2010)

How are you feeling today?Are things easing up a little?I feel so tired today just trying to get my head round new cycle and christmas bless
you sound really organised, I hope you are ok have you had any thought about next year x x x


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