# Feeling stuck again. (mini rant?!)



## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Hi ladies, 

First of all, I'll apologise if I ramble on, just wanted to get my feelings out. 

I've been in a really good place lately, got myself out of the whole depression/anxiety but now I feel i'm slipping again and I don't know how to stop it. I'm losing interest in everything, I just want to sit & mope all day. Now with Christmas coming it doesn't help. I thought this was the year for us, 2014 started good and I really thought this was it but i've ALWAYS had issues with my weight and the Clomid failed & I have PCOS, possible Endo etc etc etc! I also had a lot of trouble with my old consultant and now i've finally got an appointment with a new one for the 15th Jan I just feel like giving up. To be honest, i've felt like this for a while but fought it but i'm losing the fight. I've done well with my weight i've lost 1 stone 2 pounds but I've still got approx another stone and a half to lose before Jan to get my BMI down to 30 and I just don't think it's possible anymore. I don't have any friends, no-one I can talk to. I don't want to keep burdening my partner & my mum with it all the time. I don't want to upset my mum.

Christmas means family gatherings & parties & such and I just want to stay inside and ignore it all. I work in retail and there are so many kids & pregnant people and I just want to scream at them all, it's not fair ! Everything I do is so mundane, there's no excitement in my life anymore. 

I just don't know how to be strong anymore, i've tried so hard for so long and it feels like everything is just slipping again.

Carls xx


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## Bubbles12 (Aug 29, 2012)

Hi charls

Im so sorry that you are feeling like this. What you are feeling is totally normal, we all feel like giving up sometimes. Its only natural for you to feel down and disheartened especially when you have weight issues to contend with along with infertility.

I was in your position in January. I had to get my BMI from 32 to just below 30 in order for me to do egg share. It would have been around 20lbs that i needed to lose. 
I thought 'how the hell am i going to manage that' as i do love food. So i started myself on the cambridge diet (i do not recommend this) to kick start my way of thinking, after a week i joined slimming world. It was/is the best diet ever! Im a carb girl and on this diet, i could eat as many carbs as i wanted. 
I started losing the weight, slowly but it was going. I was going to the gym as well. Trouble was, i was going on holiday just before my treatment started and i was concerned i would put all the weight back on. So i had to lose a further stone, either that or not enjoy my holiday and eat salad everyday (urgh). I did it. And put 9lbs back on whilst away but i didnt care.

What im trying to say is i felt exactly like you.... that i would never lose the weight and i was fighting a losing battle with my fertility but your inner strength will come through just when you really need it to.

As for christmas.... christmas has been tough for me ever since i started TTC so again you are not alone.

I hope you feel better soon

TC

Xx


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Thank you Hope84,

Inside i've always known it's going to be IVF it's just been such a long journey anyway because of my age. I turned 23 in April and thought, this is it! I can get IVF now! Nope you're too fat! I like my food aswell, I don't comfort eat persay but food makes me feel better, I don't sit in and scoff crap all day but I'm not one of these people that can survive on a salad a day! I work in retail and do 4 hour shifts so that's 4 hours on my feet, up & down stairs with stock usually plus I do Zumba on top of this but the weight loss is so slow & I hate how much it's holding me back, plus with PCOS also makes it harder to lose weight, I could never have the courage to go to Slimming World, I don't even like leaving the house for work  x


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## Bubbles12 (Aug 29, 2012)

To be fair, I only went to the 1st meeting to get my books and a quick insight to how it works and I did it all at home. I do begrudge paying £5 to get myself weighed when I have perfectly working scales at home. But I guess people use it more for the motivation.

Havent you got a friend or your partner that can just go to the 1st meeting with you to get the books?

xx


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## bundles (Jul 16, 2011)

You can do it all online now. Although I think you have to sign up & pay for a few months.  
xx


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Yeah that's the other thing, I'd never pay for a weight loss group - way too expensive for what it is. I don't like following diet plans.

I don't have any friends :/ and my partner would come with me but I still couldn't do it. I hate the way I am enough without strangers judging me too. 

Thanks anyway,

Carls x


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## scribbles (Jun 23, 2013)

Hi Carls,

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I have PCOS and endo, I didn't do well on metformin and I struggle with my weight without the added embuggerance of PCOS!!! Plus DH has lazy swimmers so Chlomid was never an option as it would have been a bit pointless for us. We went straight to ICSI and our second cycle worked!

My problem is that I get bored very quickly with diet and exercise. Pre-DH I was serving in the Army and was a fitness instructor and even then I used to get bored haha! Everyone else had one specific sport that they trained or competed in all year and I had about four haha!! Plus, like you, I love food and I love cooking! At my fittest, I weighed 62kg and could never get below it. 

I am a devotee of Insanity, especially the 30 minute sessions. I really recommend Insanity because you can adapt the exercises to your capabilities and they're quite short. But again, I get bored of doing them every day so I do then 2 or 3 times a week, one day of sport, one day of weights and one run. Maybe you could try a class once a week, go for a walk on another day, try a sport on another etc? That way you won't be just pounding treadmills and Tarmac!! 

As for diet, Christmas is a nightmare!!! But could you try eating healthy Monday until 6pm on Friday, then let your hair down. Or if you go out, drive so you won't be tempted to drink? Again, I get bored with diets but I'm always hungry! I have a rule of no complex carbs after 4pm, so no potatoes, rice, pasta, bread etc after 4pm. Breakfast is porridge (the small tubs that you only need to add hot water to that you buy from the supermarket), then two satsuma and another fruit as a snack, cup o soup and bread roll for lunch, one afternoon piece of fruit, then stir fry/fish and vegetables for dinner with a yoghurt afterwards. I am a tea addict but each cup is full of calories, sugar and fat so I try and have one morning wake up cup and then drink herbal tea during the day. If you really need caffeine (Goodness I do!) then green tea is a great alternative. 

I'm still overweight, I'm five foot and a *** paper and built like a pit pony!!! But PCOS makes it so much harder to lose weight and keep it off! But you're at the perfect age to really smash it now, I don't know how the other girls on here have found it but I've definitely found that it's harder to lose weight this close to 30 than it was when I was 25. 

It's an uphill, constant battle trying to keep our weight down and our condition doesn't help. But I'd be happy to give you some diet and fitness ideas, I'm retraining to become a lawyer but my fitness qualifications are still in date!


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Just want to encourage you Carls,
It's not easy and at times your heart breaks but you CAN do this. I think in terms of weight is sounds like you're already pretty active so food is gonna be the way to lose. As the others have said, there are lots of different diets out there and you need to look for a realistic diet you can actually stick to. I know it goes against the grain to pay for a dieting class but think about your end goal -if losing weight means it's works sooner (although there are no guarantees) then it may be worth paying £120 for six months of weight loss now than having to fund a cycle of IVF which will cost over £4000.

I am similar to you but further on in my journey. I have PCOS, suspected Endo and an underactive thyroid and had a BMI of 31.
I started trying very early, lost a little weight by walking one direction to or from work each day (3.5miles!) and did my first of 5 rounds of clomid at 25. After clomid and two IVF (2nd resulted in early loss) I gave up and went the adoption route a few years ago and along with my adopted son, I'm now expecting a miracle natural surprise baby. 

My one concern is that you say you have no friends and that's not healthy for anyone. It there a hobby you are interested in that you could meet up with others like minded? I took up genealogy during treatment and did a teacher training course to try and distract me and I found it really helped me cope.

I hope and pray that the treatment works for you straight away but if it doesn't, I promise there is still hope. Don't let anyone say you're too young or to just relax. It doesn't work that way and it's pure ignorance.


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Thanks Scribbles! You sound like you've had a mad journey too! I currently do Zumba which I enjoy but it does get boring after a while and if I'm having a bad day then i've got no motivation & don't even feel like cleaning let alone exercise! My fiancé goes out for jogs but I can't run! Plus it kills my boobs when I run!!!! haha that's another pain, I've lost a bit of weight but I swear my boobs aren't shrinking, plus the BMI doesn't take into account muscle!!!!!

I'm an hourglass, massive hips & irritating boobs! I will have to get some green tea  I already drink mint & ginger tea but I keep forgetting I have it. Exercising more helps me drink more water rather than a hot drink or a cola. I loooooooove carbs, I think that's my downfall! I barely eat choc & sweets but i'm addicted to pasta!!! xxx

Arrows, thank you. 

I don't think I could stick to a diet plan, I get bored too easily & lose my concentration/focus/motivation, even more so since I started having TTC problems :/ Wish I had a miracle! congrats  that must of been amazing for you. 

I did have friends but i've never had many. I've always been more independent than social, but I seem to have lost most of them because I never go out anymore & we just sort of lose touch. They don't bother with me so I don't bother with them, I think if they don't care enough to ask me how I am or just how things are going, then they aren't really a friend. My dad doesn't even care since he got his new gf & most of his side of the family don't bother either. I'm dreading going down there for Christmas... 

I don't think I could join a club or anything like that, I hate people haha! but in all seriousness, it's hard for me to just go out on my own to the shops etc.

Thanks for that, I'm fed up of people saying it'll happen when you're ready, it'll happen if you relax, have you tried this position? Try sex everyday, try sex every other day etc etc etc! I've heard it bloody all!! haha I've always been family orientated ,i've known this is what i've wanted since I was 16! I thought finding a good man would be the hard part & a baby would come naturally but it seems to be completely the other way round! We've even got names picked, a few clothes & toys ready :/

Sorry i've gone on a bit of a rant! Thank you both for the advice xxxxx Carls


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