# Bad days?



## Toad76 (Feb 9, 2013)

Sometimes I'm fine, I have a calm and positive feeling. I accept this is how it is for us. 

Then I get up and go about my daily business and bam! Everyone I see is pregnant, all conversations are about kids, every tv programme is related to babies & I just can't cope. I cry, I'm angry, I want to run away. I feel like I'm being tortured, and someone somewhere is being so cruel to me. 

Then I get up and I'm back to square one, its ok, and its just something we have to go through.

Up and down and up and down. Is insanity just around the corner?

Today I sat in a big management meeting at work & had to force myself to stop staring at THE baby bump in the room, and grit my teeth through the I have kids, oh don't you? You have this all to come, lunch chatter. Came home and cried. 

Hoping tomorrow will be a better day.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

yeah, i know. i'm a recluse from avoiding things... it's so much safer to stay home. but then, the telly gets you...
 
tomorrow is a fresh day, i am certain at least one wonderful thing will happen.

x


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## Toad76 (Feb 9, 2013)

Thanks Goldbunny. Here's hoping for a better tomorrow. X 

Perhaps watching one born was THE stupidest thing I ever did. Self torture & wallowing....my speciality!


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## Daydreamer88 (Dec 19, 2012)

Know exactly how you feel...it's actually a relief to read this and realise I am not going mental  

I go from being fine then 10 mins later I feel like I can't cope!! Nobody seems to understand...until you come on here and realise we all feel the same  

Hope today is better for you x


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## Toad76 (Feb 9, 2013)

Weird isn't it how your emotions ping pong all over the place? I thought I was going crazy and its such a relief to come on here and find its ok. 

Today is a little better, thankyou. Just feeling sad in general at the minute.

Take each day as it comes. Hope you're staying positive too.


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## ELW7 (Feb 16, 2012)

Toad, so sorry you're feeling like this!   Like you say, it is torture and it sucks bug time    Or if not torture, then some big conspiracy theory and I hate it too! It is a massive roller coaster of emotions, one minute you are getting through things and feel 'slightly' positive, then the next, it hits you, everything you're coping with and it's like a lightening bolt which stops you in your tracks!  It is such a cruel thing to have to go through.  

I seem to be having all bad days at the moment and am sad constantly and I do wonder whether I'll ever be happy again! (I too do lots of wallowing and self torture, but it's so hard not to) It does make it incredibly hard though when like you say, we're faced with it daily, it's everywhere... Family, friends, work, tv, adverts, ** the lot!  I've locked myself away from everyone and anything and find the only comfort I have (and people I want to speak to) are on here!  At school this week I've had a teacher in the next lass due in 5 weeks when we should have been, a little girl showing me her mummy's scan picture and having to make Mother's Day cards!.... what did I tell you, a conspiracy! 

I think what I find hard, is that people think I should be ok now.  They seem to think it's like getting over a cold and a week or two later you should be 'right as rain' As if!  As much as we don't want to feel like this daily, this is an every day battle and will go on until we get our little bundles of joy!  Anyway, I'm sorry I've not cheered you up or given you any advise on how to feel better!  But just wanted to say I totally understand this crazy journey and the emotions that encompass your life, every little bit of it.  I really hope your days get a little brighter soon and hope we all have the happiness we so deserve    Lots of luck on your journey, Emma xxx


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## NinjaSparkles (Nov 6, 2012)

Some days it does seem like the world is conspiring to throw pregnancies and babies in our faces! My 'favourite' was when I tried to block out the real world by reading a romance chick lit on my kindle, and the lead character met a guy, dtd one time and BAM she was pg! Because it's that easy, obviously!


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## Toad76 (Feb 9, 2013)

Sounds like you are having a real tough time of it Emma. At least we all know that it's normal to feel like this sometimes. I have decided to keep saying the positive stuff the doctors have said over and over in my head, to try and remind myself all is not doom and gloom. 

We've also had a little chat, and have decided that is none of this works, absolute worst case scenario, then we will adopt, so in my head I can say that we will definitely have a family at some point, it's just a matter of when. 

I know that doesn't mean, we won't have more tears, and more days where it feels like the world is poking fun at us, but it does mean I have something to cling too when my head has gone to the dark side. One way or another, that spare room will be filled with our family. 

I can't imagine what it's like to have known your due date, and then have it taken away, only to see others getting theirs. I hope you find a way to cope with the grief. The only thing I can relate it to, is when I lost my Dad, and that time when you still feel totally raw and exposed, but the world has moved on around you. You want to scream at people it's not over for you, and no you aren't over it, not by a long shot! I think its how other people protect themselves from the sadness in the world, to quickly acknowledge it and then act like it never happened. 

People who have been through a loss, will know you aren't 'over it', hopefully one or two of them, will ask you how you are, and then you will know that people are still thinking of you. xx 

Big hugs to all,  

Toad, (also another Emma)


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