# how to cope when sisters pregnant



## rachjack (Nov 24, 2014)

I am really struggling at the moment. my sister has just announced to everyone that she is pregnant. She has just got married and fell pregnant within a month. Me and my husband have been trying to conceive for over 2 years now. I hate being around pregnant woman anyway as it makes me so frustrated, angry and depressed. Now there is no escape as it is going to be in my face all the time. I am pleased for her, I really am but Im finding it really hard to even talk about how she feels etc... to her. I would rather ignore it and not mention is otherwise I burst into tears. Dont know what to do or how to cope, especially at xmas. Any advice?


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## littlechicken (Nov 15, 2013)

Hi rachjack,

I can sympathise as I was in the same position last year with my brother and sister in law. It's a real kick in the teeth. It won't lie and say it was easy but I tried to remind myself that their pregnancy wasn't going to impact what happened to me (I.e they hadn't jumped the queue and taken the last one in the shop). The more I was around them the easier it got although the insensitive comments do happen and threaten to tip you over the edge. When the baby was born I was absolutely fine, just happy to have a healthy niece. 

I cried on my own to my poor husband and did my best to put on a brave face. They both knew about my treatment which made it easy for them to understand if I ever left the room a bit teary. I just told them to leave me alone for a minute. 

I'm sure your sister will understand you being upset.

Xxxxxxx


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## rachjack (Nov 24, 2014)

Thank you for your advice. I am trying to think of some coping strategies over Xmas as I am predicting the conversations will all be about pregnancy. I hope it will get easier.


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## sophiekh (Mar 12, 2014)

Its hard, unbelievely hard. I think putting on a brave face is the only answer.

I spent years ttc and had 2 failed IVFs, my sister had 1 ivf and it worked.  I got a text 4am in the morning with a pic of the test. I just curled up in bed and just wanted to cry. What should be happiness turned into tears of pain and hurt. I think over time I just got use to. So many just fell pregnant that year so i had to toughen up

The only thing is sometimes you do start to feel left out. Focus ends up being on pregnant mummy and the birth etc. Having support from your partner and friends help


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

Around this time two years ago I started a similar thread on ff about my b and sil. 
Like pp I was torn to feel so terrible and not happy for them; like they had taken the last baby off the shelf!

All I can say is take the time now to be upset, maybe even work out what events you can miss to avoid them if it helps BUT accept you will have to see them so in some ways it is better to get it over with than avoid until later when it maybe even more painful. 

On the flip side a year later I was the one pregnant! Two years later I'm planning my lo's first Christmas. So much has changed in what is truly the shortest longest two years of my life!!!!

Hoping that you will find yourself a place where the hurt is less....


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## rachjack (Nov 24, 2014)

Thank you Sophiekh, you are right I have to toughen up and live my life rather than be miserable. Not easy when my mum thinks I am not trying hard enough to have a child because we have not had IVF and therefore thinks I can't want a child that much. She has no idea the emotional roller coaster I am on right now.


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## Kelly88 (Oct 24, 2014)

Bless, I know how you feel I'm going through it at the moment. My sister was on the pill, and 'forgot' to take it for 2 days and then fell pregnant! We have always been very close I see her almost every day, she told me in august, the day I had my appointment to sign the paperwork for ivf. She had known for a few weeks but she was too scared to tell me. I was devastated that she didn't tell me as soon as she thought she was pregnant, I am her sister after all and i was the first to know with her 3 previous pregnancys. I can see why she didn't tell me but it still hurt. My niece and nephews are my absolute world and I want as many as possible, but I really wish it wasn't happening the same time as I'm having treatment, I'm going to find out if the ivf works about a month before her baby is due! I'm worried about how I will be if it doesn't work. When she told me in august I was an emotional wreck, I have avoided her as much as possible it's only been the last couple of weeks that I have started seeing her more often and I'm feeling much better around her now. I'm even going to her 20 week scan with her next week  you just have to deal with it in your own way. I think I will still find it hard up until my treatment in feb and if I get a bfn then I will just have to deal with that aswell. I really hope it won't affect my bond with the baby that's what scares me most! Xxx


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## sophiekh (Mar 12, 2014)

rachjack said:


> Thank you Sophiekh, you are right I have to toughen up and live my life rather than be miserable. Not easy when my mum thinks I am not trying hard enough to have a child because we have not had IVF and therefore thinks I can't want a child that much. She has no idea the emotional roller coaster I am on right now.


its so hard, i had to help my sister buy alot of baby things. Most of times is was so hard walking into mothercare without crying


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## Pollybear1 (Sep 5, 2014)

It is really hard, I am in the same position as you. My sister is pregnant,  as if by magic,  for the third time without even trying. You must can't believe it can be so easy for some people and so hard for others and you just think why Is life so unfair and what did I do so wrong to deserve this. 

Keep your chin up my love,  you are not alone,  we are all struggling along feeling so alone but I find comfort on here that other people understand what's going on in my head. Hope youare getting on ok


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## angie1 (Sep 14, 2012)

Im in the same boat!  My sis got my.mum to tell me...whichnshe did at my nephews party so couldnt even have a talk or cry. It does hurt but was glad she didnt have to thru what i was. Doesnt stop me feeling down n guilty for being down tho.think it takes time n gotta remember we don't wish this crsp on n e 1! 
Im Currently in the 2ww n otd is friday....her baby shower is Saturday! Havent told n e 1- the timing couldn't have been worse totally dreading a bfn as dunno how ill get out of tge baby shower.  Not like I can pull a sickie as been off work with tx already n if go work they'll know am around. Grr. Cant face ppl asking silly questions. Amazing the issues ivf throws up!


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## beckyboo123 (Jan 11, 2014)

I can defo symphonies my both sister and bro are all younger then me and all have kids me and my preener have bee trying for 7 years now ma one sister pregnant with her 4th xxi try and show it dnt bother but deep down its like wen is it gunna be my turn xx


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