# first IVF cycle failed-poor ovarian response, should I try again?



## emmasmith9 (Apr 6, 2011)

Hi all,
I used to be a regular on these boards when I was trying naturally to conceive but found it all got on top of me so tried to steer clear for fear of obsessing constantly...not that it helped much!

I've got pretty severe endo and endometriomas in both ovaries so am thinking am pretty screwed. I've just had my first cycle of IVF and was on 300U stimming drug for 4 days then after blood test showed low E2 levels up to 450U for another 18 days before the HCG trigger. Sadly despite the max dose they'll give me I only ever had 5 good sized follies - one vanished a couple of days before trigger even. ER they only got 2 eggs - one was immature the other failed to fertilise.    

Kaboom, cycle over. Given my awful response to stimming I am wondering if it's even worth trying further IVF rounds? I am desperate for a baby but if I don't respond... Is anyone in a similar situation or has any advice or different protocols their clinic tried? My consultant doesn't seem to think there are any options. I'm only 31 too, my marriage is cracking from all the stress and I just don't know what else I can do!!!

Thanks so much for any advice, am feeling pretty depserate. x


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## Jessica May (Jul 31, 2004)

Sending you big hugs.
I know how you feel as my icsi cycle got cancelled on monday   my ec was going to be today but my scan on monday showed that I had ovulated and my 3 follies were gone. I am a poor responder even on the highest dose of drugs. Im like you and the odds are against me all the way.
Its so hard to decide if you can continue or not...the heart is wanting to carry on but on the other hand you start thinking about how poor ur chances are and the heartache that you will go through...but then the wanting for a baby is so strong xxx


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## emmasmith9 (Apr 6, 2011)

So sorry Jessica   How many cycles have you been through now?
I knew that the embryo might not stick etc but I never thought I'd go through all of that only to get 2 eggs. I think some of my follies ruptured before ER too - I thought the buserelin/lupron was meant to stop that happening? 

Are there any protocols you've heard of that may help, like the shorter flare protocol? I just don't see the point of doing the same thing again as will get the same poor results. 

I too am desperate but I just don't know if I can keep going through it - think I'd prefer to get divorced and curl up and die a sad lonely old woman  x


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## lilbean (Jan 25, 2012)

I hope u don't mind me butting in, I really feel for u on this. I poorly responded and waiting the hear if our one egg has fertilised. I'll know in the next few hours and I've been awake all night trying to work out what next if it doesn't. 

Try and use this experience to strengthen ur bond with your husband, i know it puts a strain on things but he is probably feeling the same sadness but maybe doesn't show it so much.

Always here if u need to chat.......x


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## emmasmith9 (Apr 6, 2011)

Oh Lilbean, I have my fingers crossed for you too - any news? The clinic told me the 2 eggs reteived looked good and sperm good so I was heartbroken when neither fertilized. I hope your little egg makes it through...

I'm actually going to lamp the next person who tells me to be positive and that it just takes one egg etc...in my mind that's like me buying a ferrari on HP based on me winning the Euromillions - yes I might be lucky but chances are...!

My husband is just as sad as I but that's the problem, all we have left is grief. Can't remember the last time we were happy 

I don't want a life with no children, I don't know how I can live the rest of my days this unhappy. I wish someone could fix me.

Thanks both, and if you hear of any tricks to get a better response do let me know!
xxx


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## lilbean (Jan 25, 2012)

Bless you, I know it's really hard.  I can't face the thought of life without children too, I know that when I met my husband I knew there was already an issue, so I kind of went into it with my eyes open, but the deeper you fall in love with someone, the harder you fall when you know you may not be able to have a family with that person.  I am trying to focus on the fact that we have each other - our 'little bean' is currently fighting its way at the clinic and we are hoping that now we have had a call to say it did fertilise, we are now praying it will reach the next stage so it can be put back.

I don[t know how much hope I can have because I always in life think of the worst case, because anything other than that is better and I know how important positive thoughts can play a part in this journey and it's possible success.

My heart really goes out to you, I wish I had the answer for all the couples on here and really hope something positive happens for you.  We all deserve to be parents.  Lots of hugs and positive thoughts ....................x


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## emmasmith9 (Apr 6, 2011)

Massive good luck fingers crossed for your little emby! I really really hope it happens for you.

Next stop the Lister for a chat, but I want them to be really honest whether it is worth it. If nothing positive comes out of that I really don't know. I'm tempted to become a hermit and go and live in a cave somewhere and go  

Might go have a look on endo bit see if there are any good ivf protocol suggestions, goddamn disease has ruined my life!
xxx


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## Jessica May (Jul 31, 2004)

emmasmith9
This was our 3rd cycle.
The first couple of cycles we did in 2004 & 2005 these were long proticol. 
The last cycle was the short protocal due to my age and poor ovarian reserve....we have one more cycle that starts on my next period and will be honest and say we are only doing this due to funding. In my heart I just know its not going to work but its the thought that if I dont take this chance we will always regret not trying.
If 1 more person says to me if you stop worrying about getting pregnant it will happen naturally   and the only people that say this have kids. I must sound really bitter .....but maybe I am.
lilbean....goodluck x
tc xxx

Aslo...forgot to add that I was put on the pill the month before my last cycle cant quite remember why but the dr said it would help me as a poor responder.


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## emmasmith9 (Apr 6, 2011)

I am going to join you with the baseball bat Jessica!   Indeed. Do people think if it was going to happen naturally I'd be going through IVF...what for the fun of it?!?! Yeah nothing like self-administering injections every day for over a month and repeated internal scans for a good time. The endometriosis has destroyed my insides good and proper and it looks like even IVF won't be the answer and I just have to suck up the fact that I can't have children unlike every other person I know that can just do it at whim - now come and tell me to chill out!!!!! Hmmm think I can probably join you in the bitter club   

I guess I just have to wait see what they say at the lister. I don't want/can't keep doing this forever though it's too heartbreaking, but then so is giving up so it's a total lose-lose in my eyes. I can't imagine ever being happy without children, and the thought of living the rest of my days unhappy is pretty bleak.    
x


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## CJT Hoping (Jan 31, 2012)

Hi Emmasmith and Jessica
Hope you don't mind me jumping in but your posts struck a chord with me too. This is a brutal rollercoaster we are all on. 
I have similar problems with endo and being a poor responder. I have been treated by the Lister and have found them very good. They are honest with you. Yao Thum and Raef Faris have given us chance after chance and I keep expecting them to say to give up, but they don't. 
I never believed the "it only takes one egg" routine either until it happened to me and I am one of the most cynical people I know.
The counsellor at the Lister called Liz has been a real help to me. It is free (well included in the treatment cost  ) so if I went and saw her. She is good because the anger and the bitterness anyone would feel in our situation is accepted as totally normal (which made me feel less guilty about it, if that makes sense??). I also went with my husband and we both felt it helped. 
I am sure you have done your research but I have to say my endo has been helped by progesterone cream. If you google serenity you will find a website that will mail cream to you. it is all to do with avoiding oestrogen dominance. I was sceptical but I have had less pain and my doc says that my uterus etc is actually feeling less stuck on examination. 
I know nothing feels much help at the moment but sending you positive vibes and  
CJT x


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## Hbkmorris (Apr 7, 2010)

Emma

I'm so sorry to read your post and like so many have said your not on your own.

My first cycle was cancelled due to poor response, only 3 small follies all under 10mm but on my 2nd & 3rd attempt I had a much better response with even some to freeze & made the 3rd to blasts (look at my signature)

From my personal approach I would say go and have your AMH test done if you haven't already. Without this result you may be on the wrong protocol or the incorrect dosage of drugs (like I was on my first!)

It was agreed that on my 2nd cycle and 3rd and shall be 4th in april I have Flare Protocol which piggy backs your natural hormone level (FSH- mine is 7.6 on average) and boosts very quickly what's recruited. I start on day 2 of my AF with Buserelin 0.5ml and on day 3 of AF with 6amps of Menopur by around day 10-12 i'm ready for EC. 

This time I shall take steriods and I've had some immunes testing done.. Just hoping for once my perfect little beans actually implant.

Don't give up, you must put the first cycle down to experiment and then see forward.

Good Luck to you xxx


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