# sw writing to exes



## lilacbunnykins (Mar 15, 2005)

we understand that once you decide to go adoption route that sw write to your ex wife/husband,what concerns us is my hubbys ex hates the pair of us..(she reckond we had an affair whilst still married,which we didnt)she accused me of abusing my step kids and even reported me to ss when her son(hubbys to)decided he wanted to live with us,of course it was because she wanted him back,anyway ss were invloved and had lots of problem with her,has any one else been in a simerler situation with there exes,sadly my ex who was prepared to do a nice letter for us died a few months back,so will only be from her!!!


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## TLZ (Feb 27, 2007)

Hi everyone .... sorry to barge in ...

I would be interested to know about this too as my ex is not very nice to say the least (put me in hospital at one point - a WHOLE other lifetime ago!) and so I wouldn't want him to have any input on my and DH's future ......

Is it just if you were married or is it partners/living together - that sort of thing ?

We're just starting out so millions of Q's .... sorry !

TLZ x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

firstly as far as i understand they like to contact any one you were married to or living with (sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear) but i'm also sure they are used to ex partners saying spitefull things or not responding at all, try not to worry too much i'm sure you'll all be fine  

pam xx


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## TLZ (Feb 27, 2007)

Thanks Pam

Trying not to worry too much but you know how it is ... !!!

Will just see how it all pans out and take each step as it comes !! Such a worrywart!

TLZ x


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## nic68 (Apr 13, 2007)

Hi me and dh are going down adoption. my dh doesn't get on with his ex wife (only speaks to her cos he has to).
Anyway we had sw to see us this week and i was guttered when she said that she would need to speak to dh son and maybe his ex wife. i told her that we didn't want either of them to know. we didn't want to tell dh son until we were past the panel so that we didn't build any hopes up. and def didn't want to tell his ex as its non of her business.

Anyway sw said that it is a new law to contact ex's. all they will do is send a slip out with tick boxes asking if he has ever been violent/abusive to her or son. they said if they did tick yes(in our case i know she wont) then sw said they would have to have proof eg) police reports, hospital reports etc.  They said they are not interested in what ex's have to say eg slagging off cos they said they know that most ex's dont get on and that they will try and **** them off. so she told us not to worry bout anything.

So dh is gonna have to tell his son and his ex bout us adopting, but he said he will wait until he knows when sw is gonna send info to his ex and speak to his son. at the moment we are not saying anything yet.

Hope some of this info helps you. if i can help with anything else just ask.

Good luck 

Nicola x


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## lilacbunnykins (Mar 15, 2005)

thankyou both for that ,we know hubbys ex will say we were abusive and voilent to his sons,as thats what she tried to use to get her eldest son back with her,she made him write letteres saying he wasent happy living with us and that i swore at him and his dad hit him,,...but social workers saw through her so hopefully it will be ok,but still not looking forward to it,i think its wrong if we were abusing or hitting our kids(this is to everyone)well then surly when they do police checks and social service checks this will show up anyway ,so why contact exes!!!just causes problems...


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## nic68 (Apr 13, 2007)

i agree it does cause probs and yes they will get any info they need when crb check gets done. it makes me so annoyed that they have to contact as what about our right to privacy. Anyway im sure you all will be fine.

Nicola x


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## emsina (May 23, 2005)

Depends on LA.  Our sw will be visiting ex for in-depth interview even though we had no children and he now lives opposite end of the country.  Told him they'd be writing as that is what I'd heard and he wasn't too keen on that.  Haven't mustered up the courage to tell him they're actually coming to see him yet - yikes  
Good luck
emsina x


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## Angelbabywood (May 11, 2005)

Fortunately we met when we were18 and haven't got ex's as such.  Just wanted to say though I think it's wrong, it hasn't got anythign to do with anyone's ex's what they are doing with their lives now.

I just wish you all luck and i'm sure it will all come good in the end.


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## suffolklady77 (Aug 2, 2005)

hiya 
this contacting of exes worrys me too my dh ex works for our countys ss but they didnt part on good terms. also my ex is um how can i put it.........educationallly challenged   so not sure what will happen.
-Gayle x


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## Freddie2 (Feb 1, 2007)

It was something that worried me too, as I'm sure it does most people, but our social worker hasn't contacted either my or my husband's ex. Neither of us had children though, so don't know if that makes a difference.

Hope that helps.


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## Blu (Jul 28, 2005)

Lilac - As a SW I can assure you we are more than used to vindictive exes and pretty good at working out when they are trashing someone - try not to worry about it, I'm sure your hubby's ex will be no different to many others your SW has met!

Blu


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