# Anti-depressants whilst TTC / IVF - thoughts please?



## Nicnik (Feb 17, 2016)

Hello,

Not sure if this is the most relevant place to post - I thought there was a 'Coping with Infertility' thread, but couldn't find it anywhere.....

As you will see from my signature, we have had 6 cycles over the last 4 years.  Since my last cycle (which didn't result in any Day 5 embryos to PGS test), I'm becoming more and more depressed and anxious.  It doesn't help that my partner works away from home for several weeks at a time and is away more than he is at home.  I am wakening up in the middle of the night, or at latest 4.30/5am and not getting back to sleep, feeling exhausted before I even get out of bed for work and feel constant anxiety / worry / sadness.  I have put off going to my GP for a long time as I really didn't want to go down the anti-depressant route when TTC and considering further treatment however, I feel I'm at a stage now where I don't want to feel like this anymore.  I had some worrying dark thoughts last weekend, thinking what is the point in me being here, which I know is not like me.  So, I just wondered what others thoughts are on taking AD's whilst TTC / going through treatment?  My main concern is that it mucks up my menstrual cycle and stops me from ovulating, or has an affect on any future IVF treatment (not sure whether it will be another OE or DE yet, will be deciding soon).  Should I be fortunate enough to be successful in becoming pregnant, I am also worried about the affect it would have on the baby early pregnancy.  I would of course try to wean myself off of any medications, once I found out I was pregnant, but I know that some AD meds can stay in your system for up to 6 weeks. 

Would be really grateful to hear others thoughts please.  Also, if anyone has had a success (whether naturally or via IVF) whilst on anti-depressants? 

Many thanks in advance. xx


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Hi hun, 
I could have written your post myself about 9 months ago, ESPECIALLY the part about waking up at 4.30 in the morning in a blind panic. 
I was put on Sertraline, and SSRI known to be safe during ttc and pregnancy.  it's made a massive difference to my life, those early morning panic attacks have stopped. 
I went for my review with my GP last week and when I told her I was planning another ivf cycle therefore should I come off them, her advice was absolutely not. Ivf is stressful enough stay on them! 
The only thing I will say is I have gained weight. But I think that's partly because having severe depression kills my appetite, so now I eat like a normal person would. I've always suffered with depression anyway but going through infertility has been the straw that broke the camels back for me. 
Definitely go to your gp. Ivf is awful enough and we need all the help we can get whether that be counselling or medication 
Best of luck
Xx


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## Angedelight (Aug 17, 2012)

Hi Nicnak

Sorry you find yourself here. It's a really tough journey.
I wanted to reply as last year I was in a very similar place to you. We had a disastorous cycle at the beginning of 2016 after a 2 year break. We were told we should try DE. This was a huge shock and completely unexpected. 

Previously I'd dealt with failed cycles by just throwing myself back into life. It was much easier a few years ago with the first couple of goes. The DE news really threw me, alongside never dealing with previous failed cycles and I had a bit of a breakdown. I was very low, constantly tearful and very anxious. I was exhausted and like you had some dark times. I was going to go and see a Dr and ask for anti depressants. I went to see a specialist fertility counsellor. She said I was experiencing grief and that this was completely normal after failed cycles and was not depression despite the features being the same.  She also said that whilst most people who experience grief would get better with time, in infertility you stay in a suspended state as once you feel a bit better you do another cycle. 

I'm sure you've found as I did and still do that infertility is so all consuming and literally impacts on every aspect of your life. I found counselling really helpful. Have you had any?. Looking back I don't even know how I got through last year. I still went to work even in my worst days, that was the only place I felt I functioned, I had a role and no one knew about any of the infertility treatment, I could pretend to be normal. It gave me respite and a purpose. I also tried to be really kind to myself, I didn't put any pressure on myself to do things. I did things that helped and gave me respite from thinking about it all like the gym, walking the dog and baking. 

I really feel for you not having your DP around. My DH was my absolute rock last year. I cut myself off from  a lot of people and became quite isolated, I was also very socially anxious too, it was really hard. Do you have anyone to talk too about all of this?. I found this site so helpful to feel less alone.

I'm not saying your not depressed- this stuff really takes it toll, but just wanted to share my experience and the grief perspective. I really think it would be helpful to see your GP, particularly if you're having difficult thoughts. Please go and see them. They should refer you for counselling or some sort of talking therapy anyway before/alongside medication. If they felt you would benefit from medication I am sure there are ones that would be safe to use in pregnancy. They might be able to give you something to help restore a better sleep pattern as well on a short term basis.

Mindfulness can be really helpful for managing stress and anxiety- there are lots of courses around these days. I also found guided meditations helpful, particularly before bed. I also tried hypnotherapy which I found really useful too.

I feel much better now than I did- time is definetely a healer. I've since had another 2 failed cycles after the meltdown and have coped with them much better through seeing the counsellor and just knowing how to manage all the negative feelings differently.

I just wanted to say you really aren't alone in feeling like this. 

Keep in touch 
Xx


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## Ljp64 (Nov 23, 2013)

Sorry to hear you're going through this Nicnak. IVF is so hard.
I don't have personal experience of ADs but I have two friends who've had babies in the last couple of years who were both on long term high dose ADs. One of them changed what she was taking but both were advised to stay on them whilst ttc and pregnant. They and their babies had no side effects that I know of.


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## Nicnik (Feb 17, 2016)

Hi ladies,

Thanks so much for your understanding and kind replies. 

K Jade - glad to hear your GP thinks you should stay on the medication even though you're away to do more treatment.. I've been doing a bit of research and it's seems Setraline and Fluoxetine are the safest AD's when TTC. Like you, I've sufffeted from depression and anxiety on and off since my early 20's and as you say, after several rounds of IVF, it is more than enough to tip you over the edge! I took Fluoxetine (Prozac) several years ago and I think it worked (apart from causing memory blanks when drinking), but I'm not really drinking much these days obviously. Has the meds helped you get better sleeps..? The worst part for me is the severe anxiety I get the minute I wake up, like a huge knot in my tummy, racing heart and busy mind. My friend took Setraline a few years back when trying to conceive and she fell pregnant within 6 weeks of starting the medication!

Mrs C, thanks for your thoughts and suggestions. 😊  That's great you managed to get through your dark period with counselling and other methods. I've tried a fertility counsellor and it didn't really make a difference, I felt she listened, but I need someone to help me change my thoughts, probably CBT would be best. I used to go for reflexology, shiatsu and acupuncture but none of those helped my mind and I felt more stressed out trying to squeeze in all the appointments (plus work full time), so I think I'm maybe at a stage where I need to try some medication. I've tried mediation but it didn't seem to work..maybe I didn't try for long enough though.  Like you, I go to work every day, even though I find it a struggle And have never felt so unmotivated, but I think I'd feel worse if I stayed at home alone taking sick days...it's probably be way too much thinking time on my hands, but at the same time I feel I could take a month off to just rest. Like a lot of ladies I'm sure, All my annual leave has been used for treatment these last two years, so I do feel exhausted. 

Lpj, that's reassuring to know your two friends had babies whilst on long term AD meds. Did they have conceive naturally or was it IVF? Do you know what type of AD's they took? 

Thanks to all of you gain for your kindness and support, it really means a lot.xx


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Niknik regarding what u are describing with the anxiety, It would literally wake me  up at about 4.30am most mornings .id  sit bolt up right with my heart racing and sometimes I was physically sick. That made me realise I was ill and needed help. 
Sertraline, thankfully has put a stop to that. 
I'm still sad, angry, frustrated with my ttc journey but I'm eating and sleeping and trying to enjoy life too, which is a massive improvement on before 
Kj xx


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## Nicnik (Feb 17, 2016)

Thsnks K.  

That's EXACTLY how it is right now - I wake up so suddenly, that I panic about what's woken me up i.e has someone broken into my house! It happened again this morning and I get such an anxious tummy that I need to go to the loo and empty my bowels (sorry, TMI!). Then I obsess and go over and over and over various things in my head (not just IVF) and drive myself crazy. I try to breathe slowly but it doesn't work. I never get back to sleep and feel terrible all day. No idea how I'm making it into work everyday, but I'd rather be in work than sitting at home alone, which would make me feel more depressed. I feel like I'm just going through the motions each day. It's a vicious circle, the anxiety wakes you up, and the lack of sleep makes you more anxious. 

I am glad that you feel better now, but yeah, don't imagine it'll take away the sadness about IF / treatment. Would you say the Setraline give you any negative side affects at all? Sorry for all the questions - I'm the type of person that likes to research everything to death before I decide.  xx


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