# support for those fed up with negative attitudes towards only having one



## KPB (Mar 24, 2016)

Looking for support from other who think being an only child is a very positive thing as I do.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

i was talking about this to someone just this week, i know very few only children and was worrying about my child maybe ending up as an only, but i was speaking to someone who said they were an only child and they were very positive about it. so i felt much better. they were saying that only children are more independent and able to entertain themselves without getting bored (as opposed to someone who is always expecting an input from a sibling). also they were saying it had helped them make friends (which seemed counter-intuitive to me but made sense as soon as they explained it) as a sibling pair or group is more likely just to talk to each other and be ignored by other children whereas a singlie has to approach other children from an early age so learns to do so while they are small and it is easier, and other children are more likely to include them as they see they are on their own. 

there's the obvious financial benefits to the child not having to share resources, and also benefits from not having to wait around while the other child does things (eg having to be driven to a siblings dance class or something) also, trips or holidays are more likely to be easily arranged at short notice, ie from not having so many peoples lives to organise. i think only children might sleep bette too though i have no evidence for that it's just a guess. more sleep would have a powerful effect on schooling.


to some extent i think it depends on the child but i am certainly feeling much more positive about the idea these days.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

it is really frustrating though that there is negativity out there regarding it. choice or not, we should be more accepting of all shapes and sizes of families. life is pretty short to do otherwise.


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## KPB (Mar 24, 2016)

Thanks Goldbunny I totally agree with you. Once my sister and I went to school we didn't really bother with each other. The coolest kid in my school was an only child. I suspect most kids with siblings won't go to uni or buy a house when they grow up as their parents won't find the money to help more than one.

I'm new on here and found it so very sad that even women on here think there's something wrong with being an only child. Their negativity will feed to their children and make them the same way


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## AbbeyHouse (Apr 8, 2015)

Always nice to read support for those that have one child and their way of coping with the idea and more often than not, other people's reaction to 'just the one?!'
It's a shame there are so many negative words associated with it too, Only Child, Just the one, Lone Child etc

I have to admit I'd give my right arm to have another healthy baby but I have to conceal this from DS and get him to accept that families come in all shapes and sizes and that being by himself (possibly another negative sounding description!) is a good thing.

xx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

i don't think wanting another one and being positive about singlies aren't compatible. i think you can see the best in both worlds. i'd like another BUT many of my reasons are for me, not for spot. i have to admit that. also, many of my 'for big families' feelings are based on romanticised ideals (anyone watch The Waltons, etc? tv show families have a lot to answer for) and not based on reality.

my chances of another are pretty microscopic. i am torn between abandoning the idea or having a last shot but at 45 my reality is high chance of raising spot as a singlie. definitely feeling positive about it though, lots of benefits.


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## KPB (Mar 24, 2016)

Thanks again Goldbunny you talk a lot of sense. I'm beginning to worry Ds will face the kind of prejudice gays do  need to start a

Only child pride movement


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## Cherry Tree (Apr 8, 2007)

I have a 7 (8 in a month) year old DS and have struggled only having one, not because of my wanting (which was strong when he was younger but less so now) but for his sake. Like goldbunny I think I romanticize the idea and think he won't have someone to turn to when he is older etc etc but in reality there isn't a guarantee they would even get on and they can find that someone in a partner or close friend. Suppose it is a good example of you can choose your friends but not your family lol.


Anyway, he is very good at making friends, often when we go to the park or softplay he will make a friend to play with. I often watch my friends children argue and fight and I'm thankful that I don't have that worry. He also gets to do numerous clubs because we can afford it but would be unable to if we had more than one.


There is an unfortunate stigma around having one, and there have been countless times I've had to plaster a smile on my face and say 'oh there won't be another one, one is enough'. Even my own sister who knows the situation said I was selfish for not having another one.


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