# An idiot's guide to using donor sperm to have a child as a single woman



## Delphine31 (Oct 24, 2014)

Hello everyone

I'm new here, so please let me know if I obliterate forum etiquette at any point in this post!

I am 32 and have been quietly considering having a child on my own for a couple of years, and am now getting to the point where I want to start the ball rolling. The problem is, I don't seem to be able to find information that I can understand about how to go about this! I have spent hours on end trawling the internet recently and don't feel much better informed than when I started.

I wonder if some fellow FertilityFriends could point me in the right direction if there is information you think I might have missed, or help me by answering some of my questions?

1) Should I go to my GP to discuss this? I don't expect NHS-funded treatment (as far as I know I don't have fertility problems, although I do have poly-cystic ovaries), but is my GP a good place to start none the less?

2) How quick a process does this tend to be? Although I know I'll have little control over exact timing, ideally I'd like to have a child in Autumn 2016, so that I have time to get my finances as stable as possible. Am I right to be looking into this now or is it ridiculously early given that I wouldn't need to conceive until early 2016?

3) Can anyone recommend a good clinic in Beds/Herts/Bucks or in London? (Budget is an issue for me, so any recommendations of less expensive - but still reputable - clinics would be appreciated)

4) When I look at clinic price lists, they seem to list every possible investigation/procedure/drugs a woman might need. It is impossible to tell which of their listed treatments are standard. This makes doing the sums impossible. Can anyone give me an idea of what the cost of initial consultation, any recommended fertility tests, plus IUI tends to be?

5) Is the IUI cost listed on clinics' websites for one attempt only, or do they give you a certain number of chances?

6) I feel that I would like to try IUI before IVF. Is this a common approach to take?

Sorry about all the questions. As I said at the start of my post, if anyone wants to point me in the direction of a website that answers all these questions I'll be delighted! But equally, peoples' experience counts for a lot and I'd really appreciate any knowledge anyone might be happy to share.


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## djjim22 (Mar 7, 2014)

Hi Delphine
I, like you, decided to go it alone. I started the ball rolling in April where I rang a few local clinics and discussed my options, then booked an open day and the one I liked the sound of best. At the open day I decided it was definitely what I wanted so booked an initial consultation. I decided early on that I'd rather take the IVF route than IUI but that was a personal choice as I felt the timing would be better controlled with taking time of work etc. At this point I also visited my GP who I must add has been very supportive but as a self funding patient I don't think you need a GP referral to a clinic (I didn't anyway). I also took the route of egg sharing as I felt if I needed to use donor sperm, then it would be nice to give back by donating eggs. I could have started treatment in May but was found to have two cysts on one of my ovaries so had to wait two months for them to disappear. Then my AMH came back low which meant IVF was a better option than IUI. I'm currently about to start stimms on Wednesday!

I would urge you to ring around, get initial tests done etc sooner rather than later as I thought my fertility was fine and was very shocked to find I had a low AMH. Once you're armed with you info and results you could then wait until 2016 if everything is ok.

Any more questions I'd be happy to answer if I can. When I was starting out my journey I found the girls on here brilliant with their advice and still do!xx


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## 2015 (Oct 7, 2014)

I am in a similar situation, researching and aiming to start trying end of next year. The financial aspect of donor clinics is intimidating at the moment particularly as I'm aware it may take several attempts. Following this thread closely


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## Delphine31 (Oct 24, 2014)

Thank you* DJJim* for the information in your response.

I would love to do egg sharing as part of this but unfortunately I have a couple of medical conditions which, having done some research on genetic factors, although I'm not too worried about passing onto my child, I'm pretty sure my eggs wouldn't be wanted.

Your encouragement to get the ball rolling with regards to initial fertility testing has been taken on board! I wonder if I might be able to get some of the tests done on the NHS due to my polycystic ovaries so I have, as a first step, made an appointment with my GP for a couple of weeks' time.

Assuming I do end up having to have the initial tests done privately, do I need to have them done at the same clinic as I'll use for the rest of the process? Is there a risk of me having tests done with one clinic only to find that the clinic I go to for the IUI insists on doing the tests themselves?

For example, I've come across a clinic close to my workplace who offer a 'Fertility MOT' consisting of _"An ultrasound scan to check egg reserve, ovarian blood flow, ovulation, womb lining, blood flow to the womb and to exclude any abnormalities (immediate result) and 
Blood test for anti-Mullerian hormone (AMH)" _

Is this sufficient testing, or are there further tests that would usually be done to establish fertility levels?

*
2015*, the financial aspect is indeed intimidating, not least because it's impossible to tell which of the processes will be necessary so budgeting is a nightmare! I feel quite overwhelmed by all the information I've looked at, yet it's difficult to see the wood for the trees and know how to approach this!


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## daisyg (Jan 7, 2004)

Hi Delphine,


Not much time to post, but wanted to recommend you have a look at the Donor Conception Network website.  They have a large number of single women like you who are thinking about or who are already solo mums.  They as a really good source of support and information.


They also run workshops for women thinking about going solo called 'Preparation for DC Parenthood' which may be helpful.


Best of luck


Daisy xxxx


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Delphine, AMH is a very good place to start I got that tested before doing anything else to know if I had an egg reserve to work with or not.

step 2 was thinking about a sperm donor, known donor/non-anonymous or anonymous (yes I've tested out all 3)

Step 3 researching clinics in UK or abroad

Obviously there is a lot more to it but ultimately no one can guarantee how much it will cost before you get the prize (in my case over 25k) haha I only budgeted 10k max in the beginning talk about naive


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Delphine, you're young enough to do egg sharing and should go to some info evenings most clinics offer, rather than relying on googling issues which may prevent you from egg sharing. As a lady with PCOS you're a great candidate but also at increased risk of OHSS which can even develop once you're pregnant, so that is worth bearing in mind.

Your question 2 made me laugh: how long does it take!? Nobody can predict this, babies tend to come whenever THEY want and you'd be wrong to think it takes 9 months. Ideally, yes, but I know enough single ladies via this forum who have been trying 12 months plus, and had various treatments...
Not to put you off, but it's worth bearing in mind age restrictions (as an egg sharer you have to be under 36) and success rates of treatment etc.

If I were you I wouldn't pay for any tests, since you are considering egg sharing those would be done free by your chosen clinic and you can get std checks done on the NHS.

Good luck and keep us posted!


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

1) Should I go to my GP to discuss this? I don't expect NHS-funded treatment (as far as I know I don't have fertility problems, although I do have poly-cystic ovaries), but is my GP a good place to start none the less? Your gp if sympathetic will be able to get you the std rubella fsh bloods. They may even be able to order the test to check on your tubes - though that was nearly a year's wait in my area. But this would be pointless if not ttc until 2006 as would need repeating before treatment and only valid for six months.

2) How quick a process does this tend to be? Although I know I'll have little control over exact timing, ideally I'd like to have a child in Autumn 2016, so that I have time to get my finances as stable as possible. Am I right to be looking into this now or is it ridiculously early given that I wouldn't need to conceive until early 2016? 
Personally I would start asap. I started at 36/7 and bubba is in my arms at 39. And that was fairly quick as I understand it.
If definite about timings I would get amh fsh tubes tested. But bear in mind that pcos gives false high results - mine were sky high.....so unreliable in many ways for me.

3) Can anyone recommend a good clinic in Beds/Herts/Bucks or in London? (Budget is an issue for me, so any recommendations of less expensive - but still reputable - clinics would be appreciated) this is a minefield. Individuals will recommend but may not be good for your medical history. I reviewed via stats on hfea website. Then went to open days for chosen clinics and the fertility show when thought I may need ivf.

4) When I look at clinic price lists, they seem to list every possible investigation/procedure/drugs a woman might need. It is impossible to tell which of their listed treatments are standard. This makes doing the sums impossible. Can anyone give me an idea of what the cost of initial consultation, any recommended fertility tests, plus IUI tends to be? 
Rule of thumb is 800-1000 per attempt plus ds. Hycosy 400. Initial cons 200. Bloods 70-100 each. Clomid 40.

5) Is the IUI cost listed on clinics' websites for one attempt only, or do they give you a certain number of chances?
Per one insemination. Unless go abroad like Denmark where most give two inseminations per attempt that month.

6) I feel that I would like to try IUI before IVF. Is this a common approach to take?
Clinics will try to dissuade you as higher results from ivf and iui needs greater timing perfection and is cheaper. My logic was six iui equal two ivf. I never got to ivf!

I would also suggest looking at cryos thread on here. 

Good luck and pm me if you need


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

Also look at your work maternity policy so you know what you'd be getting.... 

How good would your support network be? Consider what you'll do uf you tell people and they're disapproving..  you cannot untell ut. Also dint tell too many people uf nit going to tell child.


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## natclare (May 27, 2011)

Hello and welcome...

1) Should I go to my GP to discuss this? I personally found this a waste of time - my GP just said "go to the Lister, they're good, they have a free counselling service too". Think it would be better finding your clinic, seeing what tests you need as a lot of GPs will do some for you (not generally AMH). When you get around to actually having treatment the GP will likely do infectious diseases tests HIV, Hep etc but you won't need them until you have treatment.

2) How quick a process does this tend to be? No telling how long - some ladies get lucky quickly, for others it seems to be years and years.

3) Can anyone recommend a good clinic in Beds/Herts/Bucks or in London? The Lister in London is good but expensive - note it is free if you egg share. If you are looking further afield Serum in Athens is excellent, a little cheaper and the anon sperm there is free.

4) Prices
the cost of initial consultation = £200-£300. 
YES the results are transferable but of course will go out of date eventually. I would definitely do a fert MOT as it may throw up questions now.
At Serum you can also have a free telephone consultation (you just fill in a form on their website and they will arrange phone consultation).
Fertility tests - AMH is I think £50, other tests you can probably get done at GP.

5) Is the IUI cost listed on clinics' websites for one attempt only, or do they give you a certain number of chances?
should be one attempt only.

6) I feel that I would like to try IUI before IVF. Is this a common approach to take?
Yes this is very common amongst FF ladies, but doctors often recommended straight to IVF as success rates are higher (don't forget you will probably have to pay for the sperm each time with IUI).

You didn't ask but what I would do is:
Go to open evenings at London Womens Clinic (would not necessarily say get treatment there but their presentation is worth attending and is free) and the Lister
do one too. I would without doubt try to find out your position regarding egg sharing. At your age, you should have a good chance and it is better to ask face to face rather than trying to work it out yourself. I would also make an appointment specifically for egg sharing e.g. at the Lister I am pretty sure they would not then charge you the consult fee even if you were not accepted to egg share. If you are accepted then all costs are paid except the sperm; they are significant so this is massively in your favour if indeed you are happy to egg share and are allowed to. You will need to start thinking about where you get your sperm from too so look at ESB and Xytex to start with (with these you get photos etc) vis-à-vis a sperm bank attached to the clinic eg London Sperm Bank, think about how much information you think you need and/or if you are happy with a totally anonymous donor.

Wishing you all the best of luck.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Hi delphine I can only speka personally

1) Should I go to my GP to discuss this? I don't expect NHS-funded treatment (as far as I know I don't have fertility problems, although I do have poly-cystic ovaries), but is my GP a good place to start none the less? - I never did, I did my own research and then referred myself, you can get some blood works free from GUM clinic eg HIV, Hepatitis etc My Gp then did do some bloods for CMV, reubella , LH, FSH, progersterone - these are basical fertility tests, some clinics will do AMH others just don't bother include those with the most successful rates in the UK!  (GP can't do it) etc

2) How quick a process does this tend to be? Although I know I'll have little control over exact timing, ideally I'd like to have a child in Autumn 2016, so that I have time to get my finances as stable as possible. Am I right to be looking into this now or is it ridiculously early given that I wouldn't need to conceive until early 2016?  I started nearly 10 years ago and have no child so who knows

3) Can anyone recommend a good clinic in Beds/Herts/Bucks or in London? (Budget is an issue for me, so any recommendations of less expensive - but still reputable - clinics would be appreciated) I don't know about anywhere other than London and abroad, do your research on results for your age and treatment top clinics are ARGC, CRGH, Lister for IVF results but also more expensive. Various factors put up prices, individualised approach, clinic open 7 days a week etc

4) When I look at clinic price lists, they seem to list every possible investigation/procedure/drugs a woman might need. It is impossible to tell which of their listed treatments are standard. This makes doing the sums impossible. Can anyone give me an idea of what the cost of initial consultation, any recommended fertility tests, plus IUI tends to be?  Initial consultation prob about £200 ish and bloods and scans on top.

5) Is the IUI cost listed on clinics' websites for one attempt only, or do they give you a certain number of chances? never did IUI

6) I feel that I would like to try IUI before IVF. Is this a common approach to take? I didn't only IVF

Have you thought of going abroad to Greece, Czech etc as treatemtn abroad is much cheaper


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## CherieJ (Mar 12, 2013)

Hi Delphine,

How are you in your journey?  have you made any decisions?

It is an amazing, crazy, overwhelming journey...and I am so glad that I embarked on it...starting at 48 years of age.  I decided, through the encouragement of a friend and other life events, to pursue having a child/ren alone, and went out full on until I had the information and decision made that I needed.  Within 4 months, I was PREGNANT, and now my two precious babes are sleeping after an evening out as a family.  

I did all the research into different clinics in different countries, and came up with going through an EU country.  I learned that you should not go to a clinic/country that does not have proper and enforced regulations, ie., Cyprus.  Nevertheless, through it all...we are here!  

There has been lots of good advice before mine, so all I want to do is encourage you to follow your heart.  Even up to the very last minute, I wondered if I shoudl be doing this...and gave myself the permission to walk away if I wanted to.  The thought of three little ones waiting for my, their mother, for the transfer made my decision.  And if I had walked away, where would my little ones be now

So, sending you love and encouragement...encouragement because life is meant to be celebrated!

Cherie   and Baby Dust to you!


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## Delphine31 (Oct 24, 2014)

Argh! I'm mortified. I've just come back to this thread and realised that after I last looked at it quite a few kind people generously offered advice which I didn't see and didn't thank you for. You probably won't see this now, but if you do: Thank you to all of you that posted!

I've come back onto the site today as I'm expecting to have my first IUI within the next week or so, so things have progressed since I posted all of my questions! After I posted this thread I saw my GP who was incredibly supportive and ran all the blood tests she could for me. I've also had a hycosy which was clear.

Lots of research and lots of talking things through with various people and I settled on the following route: unmedicated IUI with (contactable) donor sperm at a clinic in Denmark. So now I'm just apprehensively waiting my LH surge and hoping that there are seats available on the right flights when it happens!


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## pollita (Feb 23, 2011)

Great news, glad to see you're taking those steps Delphine! Wishing you all the best


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## bossypants (Jan 28, 2016)

Thanks Delphine for your clear questions, and everyone else for your concise answers. It's been a very helpful read! Will wait with bated breath and keep everything crossed for you.
B
x


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