# Having a wobbly day



## JoJo7 (Aug 24, 2013)

Hi folks,
I'm having a bit of a rubbish day so far and just need a place to get it off my chest. I was watching the infertility segment on This Morning and it brought home all of the stuff I've been holding in recently. I kinda feel like I don't talk about it to anyone, largely because I don't want to be seen as moaning as I know I have a lovely life for which I am very grateful. I also don't want my other half to feel bad as I know he loves me very much and would do anything he could to make me happy. My birthday is next week, I'll be 37 and I guess part of my biological clock is screaming alarm bells at me at the thought of another birthday coming and my dream of being a mum still not realised. My sister (whom I love very much and I am aware of how horrible what I am about to say will sound) will be turning 30 a few days after my birthday and I have a feeling that this milestone birthday will have her thinking about having kids of her own and I am so worried about how I will cope with this. My cousin who I grew up with is also expecting a baby with his wife and I found this out a few weeks ago, my family are all understandably over the moon as this will be the first grand child/great grand child (a role I was hoping to be able to provide myself as I am the eldest on that side of the family).so.....all in all I am just feeling a bit down and sorry for myself this morning (AF also made a timely appearance this morning!) and in the absence of having anywhere else to take my feelings I am bringing them here in the hope that by simply getting things off my chest I will feel a little bit better ❤
Jojo xx


----------



## Banjo55 (Nov 9, 2014)

Sorry you're having a rubbish day and no you don't sound awful or ungrateful.


----------



## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

Hello Jojo,

I am with you on the wobbly day. My baby brother and his partner are having a baby this year and it feels like everyone else has  literally exploded with fertility as well. It is harder when it is people close to us. And, I think, harder still when it is people close to us AND younger than us. :-/

I have a female cousin who is the oldest cousin in a long line of cousins. She lost her fiancé a long time ago and with that loss, also, it turns out, she lost her chance of raising a family. She never remarried and, for various reasons, has not pursued being a single mum. 

She has always been a graceful and loving aunt, taking time out of her life to share in the joy of her brothers and to build relationships with her (very many) nieces and nephews. It must have been so difficult. It certainly would have been easy for her to avoid them, as she lived very far away. I need to ask her how she managed it.

For me, I coped with the births of my niece and nephew by investing into those relationships. It is much easier after they are born and become real people with names and then personalities. You can love a real person and that love can heal at least part of your loss.

But during the pregnancy? Even miles away, it feels like more than a wobble. It feels like a form of psychological torture.   Pregnancy is something I will never experience. Having the first grandchild is something I will never experience. And I need to just let myself grieve (and grieve again).

I cling to my childhood memories of adoring my aunts and great aunts. It didn't matter to me that they didn't have children or did, because they were MY aunts. There is something special about the relationship between a child and a family member who is not taking care of their daily needs. As my own relationship with my niece grows, I totally see the value I bring to her life. It doesn't heal every loss, but it has helped me more than I expected.

I hope you find ways of coping that work for you. And continue to share on FF, as you are certainly not alone!


----------



## JemJams (Sep 24, 2014)

That is a lovely way of looking at things Handstitchedmum. I am also struggling to cope with my younger sister's pregnancy and the fact that I won't be providing the first grandchild   . As much as I love my sister I have found her pregnancy really hard to handle. She is really stressed out about it all and my parent's told me last week that I should be supporting her more and that I was making everyone uncomfortable by talking about ivf and how I'm feeling about what I'm going through. They've always been really supportive so I was hurt by their comments. I am reassured by your comments however and hope that I will easier once the baby is here. I want to be a good aunty and I know I will be xxx


----------



## JoJo7 (Aug 24, 2013)

Thank you for your kind words ladies and for taking the time out of your busy days to reply. I am feeling much better now and am able to see things a little more clearly. Im sure that when my sister does have a baby I'll be able to throw myself full heartedly into my role as the only aunt and I'll love that kid as much as any person can love another. Thanks again x


----------

