# Egg share or not??? Can't decide!



## JJ1980 (Feb 20, 2008)

Hi!  I'm in process of choosing clinic at moment and trying to decide between ERI, which doesn't offer egg sharing (to my knowledge) and costs roughly £4300 or the GCRM which does offer egg sharing.  GCRM appears to have better 'success' rates 53.5% to 38% but is too new to have 'official' figures.  Without egg sharing our treatment could cost over £7000 there but would cost roughly same as ERI with egg sharing.  So don't know whether to go for better clinic and have to give up half my eggs (will this reduce success rate?) or go to ERI who do seem to have good reports too.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!! Any advice?

Jen


----------



## sallyanne1 (Oct 23, 2006)

I dont think that egg share reduces  your chance of becoming pregnant. I think its something that you have to be totally sure about though. I did it because i wanted to help another couple become a family. You have to decide if you think its worth spending all the money on 1 cycle that could fail or less than half the amount and help another couple as well.
Good luck in what ever you decide to do


----------



## JJ1980 (Feb 20, 2008)

I just have this worry that if I have to give half my eggs away that I get left with the 'bad' ones and that none of them turn into good quality embryos and that I gave away ones which had better potential!

I agree that I should be 100% sure.  I would love to help another couple too but not at the cost of being unsuccessful myself.  Hope that doesn't sound too selfish!

Jen


----------



## wishing4miracle (Sep 7, 2006)

egg sharing is a big disusion to make.ive done it 3 times now and dont have any regrets.it norm costs us around £1400 each cycle including icsi at the lister.but obviously thats without travel.they charge you the hfea fee,icsi fee,freezing and blasts if needed and dh bloods.we got dhs bloods done at docs and didnt need todo blast or freezing.it is a personal thing to decide and you need to think hard about it but also think how it will effect your family around you.we personaly couldnt afford full tx and couldnt go on a nhs waiting list due to being too young.but the thought of me helping another lady in the process made me happy.its a special gift .

hayley


----------



## sallyanne1 (Oct 23, 2006)

I must admit the first time i did it i wondered if they had given the "best" eggs to my recip as she was paying more. I think its always gonna go through your mind but you do get counselling before hand


----------



## JJ1980 (Feb 20, 2008)

Thanks for your replies.  Do you think there are some eggs which are better than others?  Can the clinic work it out before fertilisation and if so how do they decide who gets what?!!  So many questions.  The thing is if I go to the ERI then I get to have all my eggs for the same price as GCRMs egg share but I just have this feeling that I want to go to the GCRM!!!

I wish I had enough money that this wasn't an issue or knew that it would work first time so I didn't have to worry about how to fund round 2.  Am sure everyone feels the same about that though!

Jen


----------



## watn1 (Mar 14, 2008)

Hello,

  I thought i would just add how i have summed things up myself which has made it all so easier.

I am egg sharing because i think it will be wonderful to help someone else, It has nothing really to do with cost to be honest because i could afford to do it by myself but i will not lie & now say woohoo i've just saved £1500  

regarding the donor getting the good eggs - I don't see it this way, At egg collection stage i very much doubt that they are shared out good & bad it is simply the mature one's that get shared. you cannot say which are going to be good or bad untill sperm is added for them and to see if they are fertilised now surely the sperm also has something to do with this & its not just down to the egg?!

There is nothing to say that your DP/DH's sperm is poorer/better then the couples getting your eggs.. surely?

Then mother nature will take her hand at what happens next. Nothing is to say that if both yourself & the receiptant had exactly the same egg & same sperm implanted that it would stick into both your bodies.

One egg that sticks with you may not stick with her & vice versa.

What i am trying to say is if you were uncessful and she got a BFP there is nothing at all that would suggest that egg was better quality as you may of got that egg but it would not of implanted in your body.

i hope i am making sense but i fear i am rambling now 

I honestly believe it is all a element of luck and then eventually what mother nature decides.

If you decided not to egg share and you froze some egg's and used half for your first try but you get a negative. your next instance would be to have FET and use the egg's you frozen but nothing is to say they will survive the thawing process & you could of given someone else the chance to use them while they were fresh.... 

Relax and enjoy whichever process you take If you try to think so much about whether the receiptant will be lucky enough to get a BFP and you don't then mabe egg share is not for you as you will alway beat yourself up about the if's and but's.

There are plenty of people that it works for both parties but everyone's Tx is different & what is right for 1 person is not for the other.

Take Care.

xx


----------



## wishing4miracle (Sep 7, 2006)

when the eggs are shared at ec they are halved and you do get immature ones each if you have any.they dont just pick out the mature eggs.


----------



## Brownie x (Aug 9, 2007)

Jen

Hope you don't mind me joining in - I'm a newbie too, and too quite a while to make my decision about egg sharing (hoping to do my next cycle in the new few months).

I definatley agree with what's already been said - you have to be sure this is right for you, for more than just finiacial reasons - though of course it is part of the reason.  I see it as a decision that is most likley to be part of me for the rest of my life, one way or the other.  So - for me I needed to be sure I was happy with it.  The councelling session also brought up lots of stuff for DH and I too ... like, of course the ideal outcome is that both recipent and I have happy healthy bundles of joy. How will we deal with telling our child about how they came to be, and that they may have a genetic sibling out there, somewhere, and also in 18 years time, how will we feel about being contacted ... all thats stuff.  For DH and I, its all worth it, to give us the chances we may need to have our family and to give another couple who have been through all the same feelings the chance to do the same.

I know clinics are probably all different - but I was shown stats from my clinic, and there is no difference between success rates per cycle between egg sharers and those who have conventional IVF - but of course with egg share your unlikely to be able to freeze.  Also - they told me they don't look at the eggs in any details when they share them so they don't favour one patient over another just split total.

Best of luck with your decision and your tx xx


----------



## mini munch (Oct 15, 2005)

hi, i was in the same situation as you dident know if i should or not, but im going ahead with it the way i look at it is im helping others who havent got no choice, it is an important decision to make, im waiting for my appointment to come through, what ever you decide we will all stick with you on here ive had some good advice and you never feel alone.
good luck hun 
mini munch


----------



## JJ1980 (Feb 20, 2008)

Thanks!  This site has been a God-send.  My DP is fab but, being a man, doesn't feel the same need as I do to analyse and discuss everything in great detail! We've got our initial consultation on the 19th May so will talk about it with the clinic and see what they think too.  Would be great to hear how everyone gets on.

Jen


----------



## TWEETY29 (Jan 23, 2008)

hi jen,

I have been thinking about egg sharing too rather than re-do reversal but will wait and see what happens at the consultation with dr dawson.  The gcrm definately sound good i have spoke to them and they have sent me lots of info about egg sharing.

let me know how you get on.

good luck


----------



## TWEETY29 (Jan 23, 2008)

hi jen,

How did you get on at the gcrm?,  I see you have the sperm retrieval booked for your dh thats good. how long did you wait for an appointment roughly?


----------



## jakesmum (Feb 10, 2007)

Hi, I've not been on the boards for a while (since my cycle failed last October)!  But I was reading through this post and wanted to add my thoughts.  For me personally, I shared becuase I could never afford IVF/ICSI if I didn't - well I would have had to save forever and I'm very impatient lol. 

Anyway, everything went well - I got 14 eggs so had seven given to me (although one was immature so I got six, although I asked about my reciepient and she got 7 matures ones).  Four of these seven fertalised and three of them were "perfect" according to the embrologist.  She asked if I wanted to go to blast but for financial reasons I refused - I also didn't freeze the two that remained after I had two put in (again for financial reasons).  

Sadly I got a BFN - I should have just left it at that, but when I went for my followup I asked about my receipient and she got a BFP.  I was so unprepared for this - I thought I was, but I wasn't - it was a complete emotional rollercoaster which ended with me spending about a week in tears:-(  

I swore I would never eggshare again - not becuase my recipent got pregnant, but becuase at that time I felt robbed - I kept thinking, if I hadn't shared, it would have been worth going through to blast and I'd have had enough to pay for freezing.  

I still feel like that now (although I'm in the middle donating a complete cycle) and I don't think I'd share agian if I were having TX for myself.  I'm hoping to have IVF in October and hopefully will end up with lots of little embies to blast and freeze. 

Good luck to you and think carefully about your decision.  

Hope I haven't offended anyone with this post 

Ems


----------



## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

Emma....

I remember you, both our cycles failed at the same time last year.   I am sorry you feel that way about egg sharing.. I have just done my first egg share and I donated 7 eggs. I got another BFN, but have been wondering about my recipient.... If she got pregnant or not... At the moment my cycle is a bit to fresh in my mind to find out.... But I want to. 

Can I ask, did you feel like this before you found out your recipient was pregnant?? Or was it after you knew it had worked for her it changed your mind??

Because although I want to know a part of me thinks why upset myself... I would have such mixed emotions about if she got a BFP... but then I also thought if she got a BFN I would be even more of a failure. 

Natalie xxxx


----------



## jakesmum (Feb 10, 2007)

Hi Natalie - sorry for the delay in responding, been off for a few days!  Personally, I wouldn't find out.  Obviously I was devestated when the IVF failed (I didn't consider it for a moment as we already had one child conceived naturally and the embrologist said the eggs were "perfect" - in retrospect I was silly not preparing myself lol).  When it failed, I did say I'd never eggshare again (this was before I found out recipient had got a BFP) becuase I felt that I had been through all the drugs and the aggro, ups and downs of emotion for only what equated to 4 eggs.  I felt that next time, I'd rather save up and keep all the eggs, giving myself the chance to freeze adn go to blast.  Then when I went to my follow up, a couple of weeks after the BFN, when I thought I was ok about it all, I asked wehther receipient had got a BFN/BFP.  When I was told that she had a BFP I was devestated.  I suppose its human nature, and you don't know how you will react until it happens, but I felt that I'd done this for myself to have our baby and that someone else had the baby I should have had.  I don't feel like that now, I'm pleased for my recipient, in fact I'm going through a donor cycle now as I can't have IVF myself for a few months.  At the time though, that's how I felt.  I really wish I'd never asked.  It was still too raw.

Hope this makes sense and I'm not rambling!  Also, I don't want to sound that I wish that my receipient hadn't got pregnant, I suppose I was jealous that she did and I didn't!

If I were you I wouldn't find out though.  I definately wouldn't if I ever eggshare again.  We are having a cycle to ourselves next time, but to be honest, if that were to fail, I probably would consider it again as I'm desperate for another child and don't think we could afford another cycel to ourselves. 

Ems


----------



## CalamityJ (Jun 4, 2008)

Hello Ladies

I hope you don't mind me adding to this post.  I am a DE recipient from an ES and as you will see from my ticker I was lucky enough to get a BFP.

I think that anyone agreeing to ES is amazing, generous and completely unselfish, no matter the reason, it must be a very difficult decision to make.  Personally, I found it a difficult decision to accept DE and am completely in awe of anyone able to ES.  I am truly grateful and indebted not only to my donor but to all donors for all us recipients unable to have a child that is genetically our own.  I don't know if my donor got a BFP but I do know that she was as successful with the number of viable embryos as we were and I pray that she, all of you and all of us are able to achieve our dream of having a family.

I have been trying to think of someway of passing on the gift that has been given to us as I would really love for someone else to also be able to benefit from my pregnancy and one thing that has come to light so far is expressing breastmilk to help premature babies.  In my mind, I may even be helping an ES mother.

Also, I was wondering how any of you would feel if the child of the recipient attempted to make contact with you 18 years down the line?  We have decided to be honest with our child from the beginning so that there are no big surprises later on in life and so that they don't feel deceived in anyway.  I feel that everyone has a right to know where they came from/medical history etc but the background information recipients are given may not be enough to satisfy the child.  I feel anxious that he or she may want to find their biological mother and how she, her husband and their children, may feel about it.

love, best wishes and positive thoughts to all.

CJxxx


----------



## *~Nic~* (Aug 1, 2005)

Sorry I havent read back through but I just read your post Calamity and its made me cry  

I am so chuffed you have got a BFP from donor eggs - thats really fantastic.

I have egg shared three times and twice my recipient has got a BFP.

It is such an amazing feeling knowing I have helped two ladies and their partners achieve their dream. 

Damn bl00dy pregnancy hormones   

xx


----------



## CalamityJ (Jun 4, 2008)

Hi Nic

Sorry I made you cry!  Actually your tribute to your little angels made me cry too so now we're even    yes, hormones lol  

I am so happy to see that you are now well on your way to achieving your dream - lots of good luck, can't wait to catch you up!

love
CJ xxx


----------



## Bloofuss (Dec 28, 2006)

Hi ladies

I hope you don't mind me sharing a post with you.  I also just wanted to share with you that I am a successful recipient of DE not due to ES but all the same I just wanted to express the gratitude that I feel for one woman's unselfishness to allow us to hopfully become the parents we so long to be (I am only 6 weeks get first scan next week).

2 years ago when we first tried ICSI due to male factor I considered (if successful with my own pregnancy) that I would return to donate eggs.  I never got the chance of this as I was a poor responder and therefore had no eggs for me let alone another  

It took me a long time to pine for my own lost eggs and a long time to think about using DE, but wanting a child outweighed all my doubts and we went on the waiting list.  Due to no anonymity now of donors they are in short supply, but finally our dream came true and we got "that call" and I can't put in to words how lucky we are that due to the wonders of science and the generosity of another woman, we may finally be able to become the family we have so longed for.

We are all individuals and this is a decision not to be taken lightly, but like CJ, I just wanted you to hear the other side and say "well done" to you all for being so brave.

Bloo xx


----------



## watn1 (Mar 14, 2008)

Hello,
  Firstly, Congraulations to both CJ & Bloofuss  

Really nice to hear comments from both side of the coin. Just wanted to say thank you for your nice words, Make's the EggShare seem even more worth while.xx


----------



## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

_Emma..... Thanks you for your reply, I am still in 2 minds about finding out...A partof me thinks that I would be over the moon for my recipient, but another knows that I will be jelous... Which I think is normal. Good luck with your cycle at the moment, what clinic are you with??

CJ... Thank you for your post, and a huge congratz to you and your baby!!!  Its amazing. In regards to a child/ren coming to find me in the futre, I would be more then happy to answer any questions they wanted to know. With all the councelling I was made very aware about this happening, and I have to say I would be happy knowing that the child is here... Knowing that I have helped to complete a family. I admire any women having DE, as I must imagine its a big step to take. If all this tx never works for me, then I will accept that, but I do pray that some good will come from my donation. And in that I am happy. I surpose at the moment with my last cycle being so fresh on my mind and heart I dont think I could find out if she is pregnant. But I do hope she is. Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy!! 

Bloofuss... Congratz to you hun, I am so pleased for you!!! Are you excited about your scan next week?? Good luck with it hun    Thank you for your post it was lovely. Good luck with your pregnancy!

Can I ask CJ and bloofuss..... If your cycle would of failed, would you of blamed the donor?? The reason I ask is that... I know I would be gutted if my recip had a BFN.... I donated 7 eggs... But have no idea about what happened after I donated... I thing my worse fear is that my eggs were cr*p. I do hope to ES again next year!

Natalie xxx_


----------



## CalamityJ (Jun 4, 2008)

Hi Skybreeze (Natalie)

Thanks for your post and the congrats.  I'm sorry you haven't had any luck so far, glad to see you're going to give it another go next year, I assume you have some frosties.

In answer to your question, in no way would I have blamed the donor as without her I would never ever have had the opportunity to become pregnant, let alone being able to become a Mummy.  We are so lucky and and we know that without people like you we would have no chance at all.  There are so many factors in becoming pregnant "normally" let alone ivf and DE ICSI etc that no blame can be laid at anyone's door.  It either works or it doesn't.  For instance, we had transferred 2 Grade 1 embryos, yet only one implanted - who knows why?  If they were both grade 1 and my womb lining and the environment was obviously good, there is no reason as to why the 2nd one didn't take, it just didn't.  No blame on anyone or anything.

What I will say though is that I had some excellent non-traditional-medical advice on how to increase our chances to the maximum - DH took zinc and vitamin c and I had pre-pregnancy vitamins for 3 months before transfer, acupuncture (supposed to improve chances by up to 65%) and ate brazil nuts and seaweed to help with the womb lining.  Of course I have no idea what effect any of this had, I just know something worked!

Good luck.   
love
CJxxx


----------



## Bloofuss (Dec 28, 2006)

Hi Natalie

Thanks for your congrats and in answer to your question i haven't manage to get excited about pregnancy yet as I am still so scared/nervous of it all going wrong.  Had a bleed a week ago and thought it was all over but thankfully didn't come to much and HCG Levels were still high, cannot wait until this scan and like CJ I SO hope all will show alright and I hear a heatbeat  

Regards blaming the donor if this didn't work for us, no way, like CJ I agree DP and I would never have gotten this far or had this chance if it hadn't been for her.  It took me a long time to decide on DE and now as you can imagine I am so glad I did.  But either way and either out come I would have been debted to that woman for what she did not just for us but possible another woman in the same boat as me, as we were 2nd recipient.

Good luck to you for next year   vibes.

Bloo xx


----------



## Skybreeze (Apr 25, 2007)

_Thank you CJ ans bloo.... What you have both said has put my mind at rest... I am so happy for both of you! *bloo* I can imagine its a scary time at the moment, and I am pleased to hear that you levels are nice... Good luck, I hope to see a ticker of yours very soon.

*CJ* I'm afraid we didnt get any frosties... I kept 8 eggs and 5 fertilised.... Unfortunatly they wouldnt freeze the other 3 we didnt use... Which I was a bit upset as on day 2 they were 5 cells each... But they were grade 2's... But we will be doing another fresh cycle next year (egg share) So hopefully I can get my BFP and help someone else too!!   

Thanks again ladies
Natalie xxxx_


----------

