# Feeling ashamed.



## Wisp (Mar 13, 2014)

I've just started spotting this evening, I usually get spotting before AF arrives, it always starts by day 25 but this month it didn't start until just now, day 28.  I didn't think that I had got my hopes up about what this might mean, but I obviously had, as now I feel really sad and angry and said something to my DH that I feel so ashamed of.  I came back from the loo upset and said "why can't my body work properly like other peoples, like those cows" referring to his two ex's who he has children with. DH felt really attacked and I feel really ashamed that I said that, it just feels that I am so bitter and envious and I hate being like that.  I hate this cycle of hope and disappointment...I didn't even think I was feeling hopeful, until I saw this spotting tonight! I've just been sitting next to DH crying, but as he feels attacked he isn't able to comfort me  , no wonder when I say things like that.


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## Josie1 (Sep 30, 2013)

Aww big hugs  

It brings out all sorts of emotions. It's natural to feel the way you do. I'm sure your DH will realise that x


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## Wisp (Mar 13, 2014)

Thanks Josie, really appreciate the hug  .


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## Cranky Angie (Jan 16, 2013)

Wisp 
Which of us can honestly say we haven't said something mean when we are tired, grumpy, hormonal, or just plain annoyed. And throw the pain of infertility, disappointment at another AF, stepchildren and fertile ex wives who have had children with YOUR partner into the mix. Hell you'd have to be one helluva martyr to deal with all that and not have some emotions flaring up now and again. Don't be hard on yourself, we've all been where you are, and as for DH and his wounded feelings, hell don't worry about him, he's not going through half of what you are and he'll get over it. Men they just don't get how hard any of this for us. 
Big   from me too. 
Ange xxx


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## Molly99 (Apr 16, 2012)

Oh hugest of   to you Wisp.  I am so sorry.

Damn their fertile knicker exes.  Even though we don't want to even be slightly like them we still have to envy them.  My DH's ex is the blooming Miss World of the fertility brigade, 5 children and many more accidents  

There's something very primal about comparing our fertility to another woman, it's almost cavewomanish.  All that evolution has done us no good at all, we just have to pretend that we don't feel that way now so that we don't offend someone else's sensibilities.

My DH gets very defensive whenever I say something about his ex in the mist of feeling really disappointed or upset.  I don't know why, it's not like he's defending her in any way so why does it make them feel defensive?  I don't know about you but all I want when I'm feeling that way is for my DH to give me a huge hug and tell me that yes it is bloody unfair.

So, here's a humungous   from me.  It's bloody unfair that we are in this position xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## cosmopolitan4112008 (Oct 18, 2013)

I don't see a problem in mentioning his exes...esp if they are troublesome. But better not to mention them, remind him of them and even compare yourself to them in any aspect.


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## Wisp (Mar 13, 2014)

Thank you all.

Cranky Angie - You summed it up brilliantly! It's great to say whatever you want on here and know you wont be judged. You're totally right, we'd be super human not to get like this sometimes.

Molly - Thank you for the hug, as always you make me laugh and that's a great help..."fertile knickers" hee hee    It does go so deep, I think it makes total sense about the primal cavewoman thing!


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