# Feeling alone



## Ditzygirl (Jun 8, 2016)

I feel so alone and fed up. After a failed round of icsi, and a few months before the next one begins, I'm struggling to deal with being desperate for a baby. 

My best friend told me she was pregnant the day after my ET when I was feeling completely vulnerable and low (embryo didn't make it to blastocyst and we didn't get any frosties). She had her reasons for telling me at that point, and I don't blame her, however I don't know how I'm going to get through the next few months. She is starting to show and I can't face it. I don't want to know anything about it but then I feel like I'm missing out on being with her through one of the biggest things in her life. A girl at work is also due at the same time and I feel like I can't escape it. I feel so jealous and sad. 

I feel like I can't talk to anyone and I don't want to keep harping on about it. Obviously can't talk to my best friend. Some other friends know it didn't work and haven't even contacted me to see if I'm OK. DH is doing his best at being a support. It's not easy for him either.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

explain to your friend that you need to step back a bit. if she knows, and understands why it will be ok. it will be easier once she's had the baby, i can't explain why that is it just is. in the meantime look after yourself.
have you tried keeping a blog or diary it can help.
infertility sucks, there's no escape, you never get a day off. 
yes, i got lucky eventually but i haven't forgotten the long long road that got me here.
it is very isolating.
also christmas is coming and that is often the hardest part of the year. try and plan some stuff to look forward to, in a week, a month, two months, four, etc etc. even small treats. do you have a pram fund? i had a big moneybox i saved coins in, put something in when you feel low to help focus on your goal. worried you might never get there? yes, it's scary. but just take one day at a time.

good luck.


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## Ditzygirl (Jun 8, 2016)

Thanks for your advice. Yeah, I have a 'maternity' fund that I put money into every month. I like the idea of the pram fund, having an actual physical money box. Hadn't thought of blog or diary, might give that a go. It makes me feel a bit better, you saying you can't escape infertility, as I was beginning to wonder why I can just get on with it. xx


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## Talkingfrog (Apr 17, 2014)

Hello Ditzygirl, 

I tried to reply earlier but had a problem with my laptop and it deleted my post.  

I know it doesn't help, but I would say your feelings are totally normal in the circumstances.  Give yourself some time.  One of the girls in my team at work announced she was  pregnant on what would have been my due date if my first failed cycle had worked.  We had decided previously not to have another cycle and at the time I was struggling with it.  We later decided that we would have one more go as I think needed to, which also failed but at least I felt satisfied I had done everything possible and could draw a line under it and move on. The cycle did give us a frostie though which I could not discard and was transferred on Friday.  Fingers crossed, but if it fails  I now know we are ready to end the journey.

I am fortunate in that I have two friends who have also been through treatment so I have someone I can talk to about it if needed.  Feel free to talk (or rant if it helps)  on here though as there will always will be someone  who understands.  

My husbands brother and partner knew we were on the waiting list and so were nervous about telling us.  Didn't help that my husband had eaten something that made him feel sick and so dived out of the room straight after they had told us.   She felt bad l we explained.  At the  time I was very nieve about it  all and just assumed  when we had treatment  would work, so was couldn't wait to see her scan pics etc.  Find it harder now when I see someone else in work is pregnant (I work in a large office so someone usually is). 

Don't be too hard on your other friends.  It would have been nice if one of them had been in touch but maybe they haven't contacted you as they don't know what to say or didn't want to upset you.  Would you be able to meet with any of them for a cuppa or a bite of lunch somewhere. Maybe once you have had the first chat things will be come easier.

Sending a hug (would use an icon but my stupid laptop doesn't seem to like them so can only use the ones I know how to type).


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## gwinethblack (Oct 5, 2016)

Helo! i totally understand you, sweety. this is what i have been dealing with for the longest time. i have been through 2 ivf oe all resulted in bfn. I have parted with 2 of my partners and now i am single and lonely> I feel like I need a lot of strength to pursue the treatment on my own but I believe that I will be successful. The thing is that i am also going internationally and I have no one to support me. I hope that I will find a friend who will come with me at least for the initial consultation becausE I would feel too overwhelmed with the single sight of the clinic. i know that there will be lots of kids and their parents.
I wish you the best and I hope that we both get our bfp really soon.


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## Ditzygirl (Jun 8, 2016)

Talkingfrog - Thanks for making me lol at your story about telling your hubby's brother and partner. It's just one of my group of friends that hasn't asked, I think it's because I don't see them often and they probably find it awkward. I'll be seeing them all next month, and I'm sure they'll ask when I see them then. Was just feeling sorry for myself when I posted at the weekend! Really hoping you get some good luck with your frostie. It does make me feel better with you saying the way I'm feeling is normal as it doesn't always feel that way. 

gwinethblack - I really feel for you. I really hope someone will be there to support you through the rest if your journey and I hope you get a bfp too. 

xxx


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