# excited nervous and everything else that goes with it



## CarolinaT (Oct 26, 2010)

Hello everyone, i'm not sure what to write on here as i'm new to this but here goes i'll have a try, i've just been plunged head first into my 1st attempt at ivf which i'm thrilled about but also terrified of as well, been ttc for years and years with no luck at all so me and my dh are delighted to try but also nervous about the outcome, i'm on synarel which was ok apart from a few headaches to begin with, however it did seem to control my endometriosis which is a huge bonus, started menopur injections on saturday which i was fine with until i spoke to my mam and burst into tears, think the massive realisation of what we're doing finally hit me and was a bit of a wreck for a few days, anyway i had my 1st scan today and HOORAY something is growing, 3 tweeny dots on one side and 3 on the other, although one isn't forming right but the doctor seemed happy and i'm still on track for ec next friday. Generally i feel really positive about it all and i am trying to take each stage as it comes, i must admit injection tonight wasn't half as bad now i know it is doing what it should, but i'm still concerned about what to expect? being almost 40 i'm scared that i'm being to optimistic to think it will work 1st time round any advice on ec or what to do afterwards would be lovely, any advice on any of it would be great as i'm very confused and feel like i know nothing x


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## louloumay (Oct 25, 2010)

Hi CarolinaT

You replied to my post earlier and I just noticed your introduction thread didn't have areply so I'm returning the favour. I replied to you on my thread too so I am replying twice!

I'm really excited for you starting your first treatment, I remember what that felt like. Try and stay relaxed, I know it's hard. I try not to think about it all too much when I'm having treatment, I sort of go onto autopilot so I can stay calm. It brilliant you are responding to the drugs, some people don't so you've got off to a good start   . I think the general advice after EC is to take it easy, no stress, some clinics say no nookie  but mine didn't, they said carry on as normal. I expect drinking plenty of water is a good idea too. Try not to electrocute yourself like I did last time  . I don't suppose that helped me much!

I'm sending you back lots of hugs and good thoughts  .

Please let me know how you get on in the next few weeks, especially Friday. 

Good Luck!!!

L xx


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

to FF!

I'm sorry for the delay in welcoming you to the site  I'll leave you some links which will help you shortly 
Regarding what to do after the egg collection (EC) and embryo transfer (ET), you'll need to find something you enjoy doing which can distract you no end! because once you're in the 2 week wait, most find the time really drags  members here do allsorts of things to keep occupied, for example, knitting, reading a good book(s), watching dvd's, puzzles, etc.
Please have a good look around the site and feel free to post in any area, and make yourself at home. There are many who are on their TTC journey, and others who have been fortunate to have little ones with assistance. You will soon discover that our members are very encouraging of one another and offering advice or just simple hugs. There's a vast amount of information here for everyone, so start reading, posting and getting to know others. You will make some great friends too, lots of members often have meet ups locally too, for chats, coffee, shopping or even nights out! You can share conversations with one another freely, simply because we all understand each other. It's hard when family and friends don't fully comprehend what this journey entails and the emotions that go with it. That's where we come in!

Here are some links which you should find really useful at the moment&#8230;&#8230;

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Complimentary, Holistic and Spiritual Approaches ~ *CLICK HERE 

*Endo ~ *CLICK HERE

*IVF General ~ *CLICK HERE

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment.

*Cycle buddies ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our chat room. We have a newbie day in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet one of our mods for support, meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

Wishing you lots of luck    and 
Keep in touch
Ceri xx

PS I have also sent you a pm (private message)


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## CarolinaT (Oct 26, 2010)

Thank you both for your reply, getting so nervous and excited for tomorrows ec, my stomach feels like i literally have eggs about to pop! abit abbrehensive about the ec but it's for a good positive thing so hopefully it'll go ok and everything crossed i'll get a bfp eeeeee....i'll let you know how i get on and i hope your all keeping well xxx


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

Yes, keep in touch and let us know how it goes tomorrow, though I'm sure you'll be fine  xx


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## louloumay (Oct 25, 2010)

Hello!

Thinking of you today    hoping all goes well.

L x


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## CarolinaT (Oct 26, 2010)

woohoo i've just had the call from the hospital, ec 5 eggs and this morning one has fertilised so et on monday eeeeekkkk!!! i'm still staying positive as after reading on here it really can only take one, fingers toes and everything crossed that this little lonely angel has picked us


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## melanieb (Feb 12, 2009)

Hi carolina
fab news
Good luck for Et hunny! 
dont forget to let us know how you get on..

melanie b xx


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## louloumay (Oct 25, 2010)

Hellooooooooo!

Great news! Good luck for monday   . It deffo CAN only take one!
Sending you    .

L xx


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

carolina - we only had one egg fertilise and i got a    last weekend. stay positive


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## CarolinaT (Oct 26, 2010)

Kandykane thank you so much for your fantastic news it has cheered me up and made me feel even more positive for monday, huge congratulations and lots of love to you and your tweeny bump  
thank you everyone for my good luck wishes, i was getting a teeny bit upset today by some people saying only one like it is such a bad thing, i only had 5   if my odds on winning the lottery were 1 in 5 i would scrape as much money together as possible to get a ticket  
Hope everyone is keeping well and happy, have lovely weekends and i'll keep in touch, lotsa love to you all xxx


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## kandykane (Nov 17, 2008)

carolina -remember most people in this world are walking round because of 'only one'


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## CarolinaT (Oct 26, 2010)

I'm back from ET, it wasn't bad, not lovely but you know, worth the try   apart from having to wear funny clog shoes   i've even dared go for a wee but i must admit did rub my tummy at the same time willing everything to stay put, sneezing isn't good though surely that is juggling it about abit...
can you believe my gran just reminded me today it would of been my lovely grandad's birthday today, how spooky is that...i am so taking that as a positive sign everything is going to turn out well, you have to take them where you can in this game   anyway lovely ladies i hope your all ok and i will keep in touch lotsa love xxx


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## louloumay (Oct 25, 2010)

Hi Carolina,

I laughed at you daring to go for a wee   and I remember having a panic about coughing and sneezing . I went for a consultation at a new clinic today re tx in new year and in the paperwork it said the embie is sandwiched in your womb with a force stronger than gravity. Wish I'd known that before!

I'm with you on the signs, there was a leaflet in the waiting room with a blue butterfly the same as the one I picked yesterday for my ff avatar and it turns out my dp's company built the steel frame of the building the clinic is in. Or is that taking it too far??!! I think you win with your grandads bday  

Good luck for your tww, I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you     

L xx


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## CarolinaT (Oct 26, 2010)

Louloumay i love your signs and i'm sure they are positive ones   particularly the steel work frame for the building   i keep forgetting to ask how on earth did you electrocute yourself? 
I can't believe you have to wait 2weeks for a yes or a no, it's only been 2days and i'm going insane, i even had to say no to some lemon meringue pie because i think i read somewhere about raw eggs being bad or does it simply mean to not eat raw eggs like rocky did when he was in training for a boxing match   to be honest i've googled so many sites now for different things i'm more than confused, i pity my dh if he checks the history on the sites i've visited he'll think i've gone totally bonkers! 
Anyway tomorrow i shall find something to do to keep me away from the HPT really want one as i've never ever had 2 lines before even when i squinted and held it up to the light  
Take care and keep staying happy and positive lots of love xxxx xxx xxx xxx


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## louloumay (Oct 25, 2010)

Oh god yes! The constant obsessing and googling, I remember it well!! 

It does drive you mad in the end, I was so paranoid about food I practically gave up eating.   I remember once, I ate out and had hollandaise without thinking, I got myself at it so much I ended up ringing the restaurant to ask what they put in it! Turns out it was pasteurised powdered egg. Phew!!  

I only gave myself a little electric shock, enough to warrant 3 hours of surfing to see if it mattered though. I unplugged a food processor, the motor apparently holds a bit of a charge (learnt that on my google marathon) and I accidentally touched the plug pin. I convinced myself that was why it didn't work. Probably nothing to do with it.

Have you already bought a test??

xx


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## CarolinaT (Oct 26, 2010)

No i haven't bought a test, never win at those so i shall try my hardest to wait the full 2weeks   
Keep in touch lots of love  
and why sometimes do my smilies not work? any replies would be great thanks x


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## louloumay (Oct 25, 2010)

I'm glad you haven't caved in and bought one. It's really hard not to. I tested 5 days early on my FET cycle, got a BFP and then gradually the lines got fainter and fainter until nothing. It was torture, it took me much longer to accept the BFN than if I had got  a neg result straight away. I don't want you to put yourself through that.

On a brighter note   I can see your smileys, can't see the 'positive energies' though   It just says 'reiki'.

Keep busy  

L xxx


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## Bottle5 (Nov 9, 2010)

Hi Carolina.....I feel excited for you!!!! Can remember how exciting & nervous my first was...you feel so positive just because you're actually doing something that can make your dreams come true. There is absolutely no reason why it can't work for you first time......it didn't for us but I know so many folk who it did work for.

The tears/sobbing & anger.....it was ridiculous how many times I'd burst into tears and feel angry and sad then knacker myself out feeling guilty & embarrassed !! Think the first was worse for how my hormones would fluctuate...although DH would disagree and say I was just as bad with each one!!!

Give yourself lots of nice things to do to stop yourself going mad in between all the waiting, spoil yourself and have all the daydreams about what you'll do when you're preggers! Stay positive, relaxed and do whatever you feel you need to do - I find thats the most important thing, because we really have sop Little control over what's happenning, but you must feel you've done everything you instinctively, at the time, feel you need to do, whether it's food, treats, day in bed...whatever!!! And dont feel guilt to enjoy all the extra care & attention you should be getting from DH at the moment!!!!

Best of luck to you


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## CarolinaT (Oct 26, 2010)

Louloumay i do have positivity for you all just my signs aren't showing for some reason     i'm trying to keep busy but to be honest i'm quite liking just slobbing around ha ha  
Bottle5 thank you so much for joining us, it's lovely to hear from you and my goodness what you've been through, your very brave and deserve the world...we all do   lots of love and positive thoughts to you as well, your so right about the hormones, mine are all over the place usually anyway, to be honest i think the drugs they've given me have kept me more sane...it's not long to wait, my head is saying madness it won't work 1st time but my heart is pulling me to stay upbeat and believe it can, we shall see....eeeeeee it's exciting though
stay in touch lovely ladies and catch up soon xxxx

oooo just checked my smilies are on hooray, off for a cuppa and a twix i think the baby embryo has requested it?


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## Bottle5 (Nov 9, 2010)

cheers my dear....it soooo can work for you first time - why not?? Not sure about being brave though.....I'm just so desperate - not that I'd admit that to
the outside world!!! Most friends/family just see it as being stubborn and I should 'just accept it and be grateful for what Ive got'!!!! 

Bugger that.....lets be honest (and some may not agree with this), but my philospohy (now) is that it's a numbers game - its a miracle when anyone 
gets pregnant (despite how easy some make it look..think how many swimmers and how many times you have to 'do' it before anything happens!*!*!)
let alone when there are added 'difficulties'.....thats why there's no reason in the world why it shouldn't work first time for you. For me, I just think that
the more times I try, the more chance I have of one of them eventually working! DH despairs and is adament this is last time....but I know I wont stop trying and dont care how much debt I have...as long as I can carry on getting credit, I'll keep going! You hear about ladies who it works on their 10th...thats hard and no-one ewants to wait that long, but I remember that every time I get disappointed and think look at them now, what if they'd given up after their 'whatever number'.

Sorry....bored on then.....I'm having an optimistic day and want to share....tomorrow I'll be manically depressed about it all!! 

Hey ho...the point is, we all deserve it and you believe it CAN happen for you first time   

O Gawd....just re-read this after I posted and it sounds so depressing - not what I meant...sorry!!!! Trying to tell you how wonderfully exciting it is at this stage and I wish you all the luck in the world...and it CAN happen first time!!! Dear lord, I'm going go and pour myself a large one......


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## louloumay (Oct 25, 2010)

Hi girls,  

I think it's a numbers game too Bottle5, I'm as stubborn as you but after our next go I honestly don't think we can stretch to another, and we've got our gorgeous dd, I'm being greedy, want another! 

I remember how I felt before she came along. CRAP  . But I'm a great believer in KNOWING something is going to happen and then blow me it does   magic!! 

You've just gotta keep at it till it blinking well works and know that it will. Hope it's this one for you Carolina   .

Love to you both, keep the faith xxx 

Oh I forgot to say Carolina 'keep busy'?? What was I thinking?? I'm the bigest slob on the planet, I don't get out of my jimjams if I don't have to leave the house   

xxxxxxxx


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## yaya (Aug 17, 2010)

Hi Carolina, just writing to wish you all the best for this cycle. Just wanted to let you know as well that you can get lucky with your first go. I was a poor responder and got a BFP on my first go at age 40 (I only had 3 eggs, 2 of which fertilised). 

Hope the 2ww passes quickly for you. I took a week off and did naff all for a few days, then went a bit mad as I had too much time on my hands. Try to keep yourself occupied with fun stuff and keep the faith.

Do let us know how you get on.    

xx


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## CarolinaT (Oct 26, 2010)

woohoo everyone, bottle5 your so right it is a numbers game, no-one knows why some do and don't get preggy, all i know is that we've been given a chance to atleast try, i know a lovely older lady who would of been a fantastic mam but back in the day they simply didn't do such a thing, they basically said your infertile 'deal with it'...they were to old, back then to adopt and she is the most wonderful lovely caring lady on the planet...so we cannot give up trying when it's there to try 
yaya thank you for joining in, and congratulations on your BFP, the 2ww is dragging by, but to be honest i'm liking the not knowing if you know what i mean  
I will indeed keep the faith and keep being positive, if it's a no i'll be as hugely disappointed as i would be if i didn't believe so may as well look on the bright side  
Louloumay i eventually got out of my pj's at 12, how very lazy indeed  
take care lots of love and happy thoughts xxx


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## louloumay (Oct 25, 2010)

That's nothing, Some days I don't get dressed at all   

L xx


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## CarolinaT (Oct 26, 2010)

sorry for delay but i have become a demented lunatic the past few days so thought it best to stay away...god anger is not the word combined with utter devastation...this 2ww is driving me insane and also driving me and dh to the divorce courts at this rate! 
I don't know what's happened i've gone from quite serene and calm to an absolute nutter!!!! can't believe i have to wait till friday for my test....aaaaarrrggghhhh!!!! I WANT TO KNOW NOW ha ha so sorry for the rant but what you are dealing with at the moment is an utter hormonal mad woman  
Hope everyone is coping a lot better than me...to be honest i feel quite alot calmer just typing it down phew! 
lots of love to you all 
keep in touch or watch the news for me breaking into the hospital to demand a test NOW ha ha 
xxx


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## louloumay (Oct 25, 2010)

Poor you Carolina  , It is enough to drive any (relatively  ) sane woman bonkers. The boys, bless em, couldn't possibly comprehend what it's like and invariably make things a million times worse. No exaggeration!  .

I wish I could think of some amazing guru-esque wisdom to help you out. All I can suggest is trying to block it out and carry on as normal but I know from experience that is impossible  .

Roll on Friday, (or maybe Thursday , no you mustn't!! 

Lots of love and


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## CarolinaT (Oct 26, 2010)

ha ha i love the thursday idea but no i can't, can i? tee hee...
Poor dh only said i shouldn't watch a certain programme as i was screaming at the tv saying it was a fix so i turned my attention to him and screamed in his face instead i actually shocked myself by how much abuse my dainty mouth held!  
Not long now, not as positive i must admit but think i am preparing myself for a possible no, i actually haven't prepared my YES look as it has never happened before so i'm not sure how i'll react, faint perhaps or screech down the phone i just don't know ha ha  
Have you started your next treatment louloumay?


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## louloumay (Oct 25, 2010)

IT WAS A BLOODY FIX!!!!     . My dp said he didn't know why I bothered watching it too, as all I do is shout and throw things at the tv!! I don't suppose we were the only ones. 

No, don't start till after xmas.

And no not allowed to do Thursday. Are you?? . No. No? No.

xx


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## Hbkmorris (Apr 7, 2010)

Just wanted to say Good Luck Carolina.. Shall be keeping fingers and toes crossed x


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## CarolinaT (Oct 26, 2010)

Arr thank you hbkmorris, how are you? are you pre/post wanting/waiting treatment? 
I am so pleased to say the 2ww is almost over phew! I half want to know and half don't incase it's a NO... please yes please yes 
If it is a no i shall be having a HUGE glass of wine on Saturday night, and if it's a yes i will be having a HUGE mug of hot milk like i did last weekend   I am really not taking this seriously at all, infact i feel like it is happening to someone else, is this normal? I'm also highly annoyed about my symptom spotting as really it is far to soon to have any i think...but seriously if this twinge pain right down low on the left that sometimes feels like a buzzy/almost butterfly isn't my little embie getting cosy i must have it checked out as it surely can't be normal 
Louloumay i'm really not doing a hpt, gonna wait this one out, if i get a yes on saturday i am straight out to buy one though and after years and years of trying eventually see and get that fantastic feeling it must be to have 2 blue lines instead of just one that is so thick and blue like it's almost made itself thicker and bluer to just taunt me


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## louloumay (Oct 25, 2010)

I know exactly what you mean. Evil pee sticks  

You are a stronger woman than me, I always cave in a day early and it's (nearly) always a mistake!

Symptom spotting just drives you mental  , can't be helped though eh?

Good luck hun, I'm so exited for you!


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## Hbkmorris (Apr 7, 2010)

CarolinaT 

I'm so excited for you, I'll pray (although I'm not religious) but I'll have a go for you. 

I shall start my first ICSI end of December on long protocol. My colsultant wants to see if she can take my embies (hope there will be some) to blastocyst if poss as we are self funding and only have one go (she's been very understanding and a great help to us both). I'm a bit scared that my embies won't make blast as then I'll be left with nothing to put back :-( but I'm sure they know more than me so I'll keep the faith! 

We've been on this rollercoaster for nearly 5 years and only now have we been in a position to fund a cycle (pre-ops for me & NHS won't fund due to DP already having children from past relationship.. although we both don't see them nor has my partner for nearly 8 years!! dam PCT) Anyway here we are trying to be positive and stay focused on the daunting road ahead.. May I ask when you were down reg etc did you feel really bloated and suffer major headaches?? I have a friend who really suffered from bloating on the drugs and me personally I suffer from PMT heads anyway so I guess I'll get them even worse on the injections!! GREAT... Not!

Louloumay I hope you can fullfill your dream of giving your daughter a brother or sister.. God bless you.

Keep me informed I shall be watching like a Hawk!! ha ha ha 

Love 
HBK x


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## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

Hi ladies  Sadly I'm having to lock this thread now, The Introductions board is fast moving and and basically a welcome area, wed love it if you could dip your toes into other areas of the site. Have you tried the Cycle buddies?
While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment.

*Cycle buddies ~ *CLICK HERE

Maybe you could pm each other to arranage a natter in the chat room? or join in with the chat in cycle buddies 

Wishing you all the very best xx


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