# When do you give up on yourself



## Tinker74 (Nov 20, 2006)

Hi my name is Kelly and  I just had my 1st Ivf cycle, I was on the short protocol, as I had a Fsh level of 14.9 and 15 is the Bourns cut off. They said I only had a 5% chance of it working for us,  I was on Gonal-f and only got 1 egg, which fertilized abnormally, they said it was poor quality.  Now they say we should not try again, but going down the donor route, I feel really mixed up, and not sure what to do, my mum was 39 when she started her change, it makes sense if things are not working very well anymore, but when do you give up, I know the Bourn would not treat me again.  I kind of excepted what they said, then I start reading all the cycles women have had, and think should I have another go somewhere else?

Any advice would be most welcome


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## Essex Girl (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi there Tinker

I understand where you are at.  I, too, came to TTC late and have reached the end of the road with my own eggs.  Unfortunately, fertility is a lottery.  My mum had my sister at 39, so I thought late fertility would run in the genes, but it hasn't for me.  Reading other people's postings can be encouraging but can also be depressing and make you wonder if you should be trying X, Y, Z etc. , but we are all different, and what works for one person may not work elsewhere. 

Giving up on your own eggs is a big step, and sometimes there is a case for trying even when the odds are very slim, just so that you can say you tried everything.  

If I can be of any help, please feel free to IM me.  Having said that, I am disappearing for a few days as our DE IVF EC happens on Weds.  

Good luck with whatever you decide to do

love Essex Girl


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## brownowl23 (Jan 3, 2006)

Tinker

I was at you situation last year, my FSh was OK, but I only produced 4/5 eggs on almost the highest dose of drugs, first time all fertilised but I got a BFN, second time 5 eggs but only 2 fertilised and didn't grow very well and another BFN 

I very quickly came to the conclusion I would be throwing good money after bad if I continued with my own eggs and i decided to do DEIVF in South Africa. I was unlucky and had a chemical pregnancy on my first attempt. But as you can see from my tickers we hit the jackpot on our second attempt.

For me I have to say that the decision to go down the DEIVF route was the next natural step and the best decision that we made.

Chris


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## Tottie (Aug 10, 2006)

Hi Kelly

Sorry you've had such sad news recently.  It is pretty devastating coming to terms with the fact that you might not be able to have your own genetic child BUT, as the other ladies have shown, there is also a lot of hope in Donor Egg treatment and a real chance of becoming pregnant and having a baby.  I really appreciate how tough it is for you at the moment - you try to be realistic, bearing in mind that the chances are small but you also keep hoping that it might work for you.  Have you considered going for a consultation at another clinic to see what they suggest?  Bourn Hall might not be happy to treat you but there should be others that will and if you are not 100% ready to move on from using your own eggs, then you should talk to some other clinics. 

Give yourself some time to get over this last cycle as you've had a rough deal. 
Good luck in whatever you decide.
Tottie x


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## Tinker74 (Nov 20, 2006)

Thank you so much for all your replies, there is so much to think about and I think your right Tottie i do need sometime to get over this cycle, I am crying  every day at the moment, and I don't want to believe this is happening to me.  Thank you again and good luck Essex Girl with your DE IVF EC on Wednesday,  I might try and ask another clinic just for a peace of mind. 
Thanks Chris your message was helpful, Congratulations to you.

Love

Kelly


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## drownedgirl (Nov 12, 2006)

I think the answer is, it's hard to know when to stop.

High FSH shows your body has a reduced store of eggs left. It doesn't say that the eggs you do have will not be good. But it does mean that expensive and traumatic IVF may not be the best way to go - a lot of effort, and maybe not producing many eggs.

My FSH *isn't * particularly high - 11 last time tested, and I get pg easily but always miscarry. Two of the embryos were tested and were abnormal. So I have come to the conclusion my eggs are rubbish.

Have you thought about some counselling? Or have a look here:

http://www.thefertilesoul.com/Diagnosis/Taking_Your_Life_Off_Hold.php

http://www.4therapy.com/consumer/life_topics/item.php?seeresults=1&uniqueid=5902&categoryid=495&

http://www.tertia.org/so_close/2004/05/giving_up_when_.html

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Having-Your-Baby-Through-Donation/dp/0944934323/sr=8-1/qid=1171385914/ref=pd_ka_1/203-0560347-3790315?ie=UTF8&s=books

xx

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