# approved and waiting



## ritzi

hi all

who else is in the same boat as me? approved and waiting for our babies?

we were approved in April and although we have identified children in CWW/BMP we haven't heard anything about our enquiries as with one thing and another our SW has been off 

so we're waiting impatiently knowing yet another copy of the mags are due to drop through our door and we still haven't got anywhere....

how do you all cope with the waiting and the not knowing? - i dont' even feel we can book a holiday at the mo 

approved and waiting is a funny place to be - the excitement of being approved has gone - i see others being matched which is fantastic for them and their littlies  but a little sad it's not me  - the future is so uncertain at this point work, money, homelife etc - and the waiting i fear may drive me doo-lalli 

so do any of you in the same boat want to come here and we can support each other through the wait? 

ritzi

approved and waiting 
newgirl
emsina 
EML 
hewson
daisyboo 
charnich
dame edna  recovering from heart-ache 
nefe  recovering from heart-ache 
Bluebells 
Shazjohn
Camly
popsi
Nickyb71
GeorgieB
Nic68 
tarango 
Ermey 
Tracymurph

found their babies  & 
Littlemissjo - potential match to little poppet 
Jojosa3 - linked to a little girl 
Crazybabe - linked to a baby girl

no longer waiting 
mumof2 - now a happy family with ds2
coxy - now a happy family with poppet 
cheshire cheese - now a happy family with babybel
tibbelt - now a happy family with 2 girls 
wynnster - now a happy family with ds
ritzi - now a happy family with 2 boys
crusoe - mummy to a little boy 
carebear1 - mummy to LR 
DeeJay - mummy to monkeypie
HFI - mummy to a baby girl​


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## HHH

HI ritzi

Not in the same boat but have been there....the way i decided to cope with the waiting was to NOT think about the possibilities! Do the ostrich thing!  I carried on with work and life as normal planning as if nothing was likely to happen - it worked for me. With holidays i always booked them because they can always be cancelled - and if they're cancelled because you've been matched you won't care about the money! and if you're not matched you'll have  a much needed break!

It's difficult i know - and i have to admit at times it was really hard ...but we're all allowed a good cry, rant, time of frustration along the way - and a decent bottle of red always helped!

Hope you can hang in there ritzi and stay positive
HHH


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## coxy

Hi Ritz,

yep, same boat as you, approved in March and still waiting..... 

I agree, its nice to hear about other people being matched but it does make you think "when will it be our turn?", we came very close to being matched and then for medical reasons it fell through and it was maddening to know we were so close, so like you, its back to searching the profiles on CWW and BMP and then waiting for the magazine, and then you scan it and hope that the right childs in there and then when theres no suitable children you know you have to wait another month......

We probably havent helped ourselves cos we secretly want a little girl   and our sw keeps sending us details of little boys 

DH kept saying he didnt want to book a holiday incase "something" happens but i have insisted and now we have booked to go Italy for a week on 19th July, i just didnt want to not go away and then nothing happens with adoption and by then its too late to go away. I feel like its ok for my sw to go away and nothing happens when shes away, no one covers her work so she will have to wait for us for a week while we go away.

I nearly realised how hard this part of the process would be, our VA didnt really prepare us for what happens next and the wait.........

Julia x


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## ritzi

HHH - thanks for the wise words hun   maybe we will book that holiday after all  

coxy -   after your match that couldn't be   
i phoned my sw today and 2 of the sibling groups she phoned about have been taken  - great for the littlies   but a shut door for us. May was the first month we could enquire so it's our first experience of the sadness when doors are shut. The other sibling group SW was on leave and she'll call back tomorrow - so i guess there is hope......otherwise we wait for June CWW/BMP and see what happens    
as yet our SW has not found any children's details for us but we're with VA so she has to contact all her LA colleagues and see who they are trying to place - i think it makes it more frustrating  

oh i see your with VA too. where is your SW sending you children's details from?  

anyone else who's waiting waiting waiting?.......

ritz (who feels much better knowing that she's not all alone in this)


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## coxy

Hi Ritz

I think thats the problem with being with a VA.

Most of the children we find on the internet sites of BMP or CWW, its very rare that she actually rings us about a child, the agency does have a referall book that we are meant to go and look at once a month but tbh its sooo out of date, there are kids in there going back to last year and when you enquire you find out that they have already been placed, but i feel that if the sw was doing her job right she should be looking through this book on our behalf and letting us know. I feel our sw was very good pre-approval but now her interests have waned slightly.

I find myself having to literally stop myself from texting or emailling the sw to see if any updates as she gets quite narked if i keep asking her.

I would have thought there were quite a few sibling groups available? ive just had a thought so will pm you.

Julia x


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## wynnster

Hi Girls

Although recently 'linked' we are not quite there yet and very very early days so still technically waiting....  

It is a very very hard place to be and this is for me by far the worst part of the process.

I've been up and down with feeling frustrated and sad and then trying to be patient. 

We scanned BMP and CWW monthly but did not make one enquiry from that as there was nothing suitable, I have kept in contact with our sw regularly though and i think that helps.  

One thing that I would recommend you doing if possible is to contact any local authorities direct, I emailed 50 seperate authorities and had approximately 30 responses saying we are welcome to forward our profile for their records, this we did and as a result were contacted about our recent link  
I have a link if you're interested in the list of email addresses?

Best of luck to us all - Hope all our babies are home soon


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## coxy

Hi Wynnstar,

thanks for the response and yes, the link would be good if you can pm it to me, did you send a profile you had put together or did you get yours from your sw? did your sw know what you were doing and i assume she didnt mind?

This bit is by far the hardest part of the process.

Julia x


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## wynnster

Hiya

Yes once approved for three months you can go on the national adoption register and your sw should prepare your profile for that anyway.

Our SW was fully behind us making our own enquiries and thought it showed great dedication

Hope this link works, let me know if not 

http://www.everychildmatters.gov.uk/_files/24730D0BBF42E6533B72CD75398D8920.doc

/links


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## coxy

thanks thats great, we are already on the adoption register, i just have to pluck up the courage now to ask our sw for an email version of our profile.

Thanks again, it feels good to be able to do something ourselves without having to wait for the sw to do it!

Julia x


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## superal

I've always said that the waiting is the hardest bit about adoption and you all think its the getting approved bit that is the hard bit..................well the getting approved bit is hard but nothing to compared what you are feeling about the "possibilities" that lie ahead.

My advice is to keep yourselves busy, plan things a week at a time, a meal out with your loved one as it may be the only chance of just the 2 of you, meet up with friends, tidy out those cupboards you've been putting of, catch up on the ironing BUT moist importantly RELAX, it will happen, I know it can take time for some and it happens quicker for others, that's life unfortunately.

YES your pleased that others have been matched quickly & you can't help but feel a twang of jealousy. YOUR only human  

We were very lucky and matched after a couple of months with our DS BUT we waited nearly 13 months for the baby we looked after through concurrency & that ended in tears as she was returned to her BPS.  All I can say is that you know that no matter how long you wait once you have your family with you all the heartache of previously getting to this point of being a family will disappear & you won't look back.

sending hugs to those who need them   & a little   prayer &   positive thoughts for your dreams to come true a bit quicker!!

Love
Andrea
xx


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## jilldill

I agree with all that Andrea has said, it is definitely the hardest part. Realistically though if you had been matched after only a couple of months that would be really quick. We waited 6 months for Sunshine it seemed like a life time but I now realise we were extremely lucky and it was very quick. My advice would be Plan those holidays that's what we did and it was the best thing we could have done.

Keep your chin up JD x


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## ritzi

thanks for all your kind words

after i posted i went on some of the websites and some new children are advertsied who may be suitable - so my SW tomorrow should be looking at a list of possibilities i have sent her and making some calls   (advice on how you get your SW to do things in your timescale would be great   though dh has suggested a rocket placed in a very delicate part of her anatomy) 

coxy - that is a bit silly the book is not updated   the VA is frustrating at this point - up till now it's been great though  

wynn - thanks for the idea and the list - though i think i'm not allowed to send our own flyer or contact agencies direct...our SW is making a flyer to send out to all the agencies in our consortium (we're in wales) and so again we have to wait till she has done that  
great news on the link - more waiting though i guess   hoping and   it works out for you...

andrea and jd - thanks for the wise words - spoken to dh and we're going to plan a holiday....need to keep my brain busy if nothing else  

ritz


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## crazybabe

Hi Ritzi

Its lovely to hear from you, I have been looking out for you but TBH our internet has been playing up lately so i haven't been able to get on here as much - I hope you have some very good news soon of a match, you have had enough of delays with one thing or another haven't you hun, we still haven't heard from SW at (St. D) V.A we completed prep course 09th of may, sent completed formal application form and consent forms etc, the three people we said for references have all completed and returned reference forms, we are waiting on GP for a date for our medicals (£74 each)  WOW,  but haven't heard if we have been allocated a SW yet, I know its only been a few weeks, but it seems a lot longer   how long did you wait to be allocated a SW,sorry for the moan, we have thought seriously about adopting a sibling group of 2 children 0-5 instead of one as we originally told SW, I should imagine we will have to  talk this through with SW when we get allocated as we would really like a girl deep down in our hearts and SW informed us that they don't often get girls go for adoption except siblings and at least the children wouldnt be split up.

Good luck

I am here whenever you need a chat - we will support each other   

crazybabe


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## dawny36

Hi Ritzi,

I felt just like you when we were approved in fact i was expecting the phone to ring the afternoon after panel, after 3 months had passed I became very frustrated and we even asked our s/w to look at international adoption for us, this did not go down well and we were told it would take even longer and a lot of money! We were then told about 3 little girls all seperate and we got really excited but then never heard anything since and they were matched elsewhere.

6 months later my dh father died he had been ill for a while, the LA wanted to put us on hold for a least 6 months to allow my dh to grieve but we managed to talk them round thank god! it would have made things a lot worse.

We were eventually matched 10 months after approval and worth the wait.  I can only echo what others have said and try and get on with your life while waiting the busier you are it will pass quicker and stop you dwelling about what is not happening.  I used to read other peoples posts about been matched but this inspired me as I realised if it can happen to them it will happen to me.

Good luck and take care of yourself 

Dawny

xx


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## magenta

just want to add another 'been there, seen it, done it, bought the t-shirt.' voice to this.

Like Jilldill, we were 6months from approval to matching and my goodness, it seemed at time like it would never end.  So much so that i didn't book my adoption leave til the day before because when we were finally matched it seemed almost surreal after reading sooo many profiles and reading so many adverts and everything!

Here are my 'tips' for what it is worth:

Have a holiday - a really nice one which you couldn't do in a million years with kids present.  We went touring in Spain - just driving around and getting hotels when we arrived and seeing what we could see. Otherwise spa breaks, city breaks and luxury hotels are good as you can't do those so easily with children in tow.

Catch up on DIY  - especially in the proposed kid(s) room(s).  We thought we were ready but it wasn't til we actually cleared the wardrobe we discovered how much we needed to re-home elsewhere in the house and how much time it takes to touch up paintwork, put up radiator guards and child-proof bits.

Try and do a big spring clean - as the others have said - you might not get another chance for a while!

Make time for friends.  Adopting is as hard on friendships as TTCing and having birth children.  not everyone will want to see you for a while (especially friends still going through treatment who might have problems about you 'moving on') and you may not be able to see people for a while whilst you do attachment bonding in the early months.  Book nice weekends with friends; hold dinner parties; go to BBQs etc. if i could do it again i would have spent more time with my friends in the 6months prior to placement.

Start writing lists at work and getting you r boss 'ready' for when you leave. so if you 'get the phonecall' you are halfway there to being able to hand it over to someone else.  if feasible, try and train someone else in your team to know how to do your jobs or at least bits of it.

Have 'date nights' every week with your partner and really stick to it.  It is a good routine to have in place before you become a family of 3 or more to make time as a couple. Ok...so we have only had 4 or so 'dates' out in the last 18months but we still watch a movie together once a week as a 'date'.

Start buying Christmas presents/birthday gifts.  trust me. once you are matched you will not have time to 'lovingly chose gifts for your nearest and dearest'  - at best you end up grabbing things at the last minute from ASDA with a screaming toddler in tow and/or older child wanting things for themselves! leisurely shopping rarely happens with kids!

We were 'lucky' in that we got regular calls about children needing families...many weren't right for us and we weren't right for others but we got there in the end.  We were with a VA but were lucky/blessed that our sw just passed on any profiels they received if it fell in our 'guidelines'.  If it helps at all - we both secretly wanted a wee boy but now we have a daughter we couldn't imagine having a boy now as she is prefect for us (although it was a HUGE brain shift to get it into our heads - almost as big as greiving for our imaginary birth child - who was obvioulsy a boy because imaginary children are whatever you want).

Anyway - please don't wish your life away. Enjoy this time but be prepared to wait and wait and feel nothing is ever going to happen.  I think we all came on here at some point feeling like that - so it is completely natural.  but when the link comes you will find time slipping away so quickly you will easily forget the months of waiting that came first.

Wishing you all a short wait and a dream come true at the end. 

Magenta xx


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## sjm78

Hi Ritzi and Coxy.
We are also feeling the frustration of waiting its seems like we have been waiting for ages even though we havent. We have emailed a couple of sw who have had children in cww and i would say if you see anyone dont hesitate to contact them yourself. I feel quite frustrated at how laid back our sw is but think thats just there way. He has lots of holidays and my husband says he will have me done for stalking him but feel i have to keep on to him. How often do you girls contact or get contact from your sw ? Never thought the wait would be as hard as it is. Keep your chins up and keep me posted on any news . Ritzi i agree it helps to know others are feeling the same.
Sarah


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## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ladies

In Feb this yr OT started a thread about the "wait" - here is the link - it will confirm your not alone! http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=129491.0

The wait is hard as its the "unknown" - Our LA dont tell you about a little one/s until all have agreed its the best match for the child/ren and then you find out- we got told 25weeks to the day post panel day and we started intos 6wk and 2 days later! our children have been home for 5weeks now and i never ever thought this day would come (not just with adoption however dur to ttc for over 8yrs before moving to adoption)

We spoke to our SW monthly and it was down to me to ring her however i knew i could ring/text or email anytime!

IT WILL HAPPEN- i know it sound shard however enjoy your sleep, relax and have a holiday if you can as my only regreat is that DH and i Didnt get a few days together as a couple to have a break away once we found out we were matched as time flys past you!

xxx


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## CAREbear1

I'm in the waiting boat too  . I was quite down about it last week, but am feeling more resigned this week. I have given myself a talking to, that it will happen, not like IVF which was sooooo uncertain. I'm sure once the ball starts rolling everyone wishes they'd done this or that. I was wondering too about booking a holiday? What if the call came?
MJ- thanks for your reassurance last week- it helped!


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## ritzi

thank you girls for all the advice  - i have spent the evening looking at french campsites and wondering whether to fly or drive  

CB - it wont' be long and you'll be where we are getting impatient   i have PM'd you

dawny - i like your 'if it can happen to them it can happen to me' - will give that one a go  

magenta - maybe i should forget france and look at a very luxurious hotel somewhere   thanks for the tips 

MJ - thanks for the link - i'll give it a read....i know i'm not alone and the FF girls always come up tops  

wigantwo - i think i stalk my SW - about every 2 weeks - but she was off for half-term and sick the week before that so its been a few weeks - and i'm disappointed that enquiries we wanted to be made 3-4 weeks ago won't be done till tomorrow.....   do you feel like a stalker too?

carebear - how long have you been approved and waiting? it's frustrating isn't it......   i'm not sure what happens if a call came while on holiday - i guess i'd tell my SW the dates i'm away and they'd have to follow it up the following week. (i'd only go away for 1 week though just in case   )

so approved and waiting we have:

ritzi
coxy
wigantwo
carebear1
wynnster (with a link   and   ) 

anyone else? Lets keep sane together  

ritz.


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## sjm78

We are finding the holiday situation a tricky one to. My dh boss has allowed him to carry hols over knowing the situation. We would love to go away but also know if we get matched we want as much time off together as possible and paternity pay is rubbish . Also never know how long intros would be as dont know age of little ones till matched. Does anyone know how they do intros if it is a sibling group who are in seperate foster homes have seen a couple of groups like this and just wondered how they would handle it.
Sarah


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## Old Timer

Hi All

The waiting is so hard after approval, I started a thread a while ago 'the Waiting' or something along those lines and since doing that there have been a few of us linked and matched.

After approval panel we had details within 5 weeks of a child that wasn't a suitable match.  We agonised over saying no, all the usual thoughts of 'how long will it be till the next one?, will it be a black mark against us?...etc'  We then went to a 'Waiting Adopters Support Meeting' and got really depressed as there was a man there who'd been waiting 2.5yrs and still waiting.  We then found out about Bobby at the end of Feb and finally met him yesterday.  The waiting over the last 3 months has been hard, so close and yet so far but yesterday has made all the waiting worth while.  So from approval panel to intros was 8 months.

During the wait we finished decorating, saw friends, worked and just carried on as normal as possible.  Each time we heard about a child we had been totally unexpecting it.  I did keep in regular contact with our SW and enquired about some sibling groups from CWW but in the end it turned out the right child was going through the system just a littlie bit slower than we were and the waiting meant we got a 'perfect' match (panels words) and a very easy and quick matching panel.

It will happen, hopefully sooner rather than later, and then you'll forget all the waiting.

Love & Luck
OT x


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## newgirl

Hi All

I would like to join you.  We were approved in March and are waiting.  I agree it seems like ages.  We are with a LA and are just waiting for the SW to find a link.  She is looking also at consortium children but I am wondering if we should be looking at children in CWW and BMP.  Our form has only been sent out twice in nearly 3 months.  We have contact with SW every 3 weeks but normally there is nothing to report.  

When I asked about CWW and BMP she said that she looks at them and would spot anyone suitable!  What do you all think?

On the holiday front I'm afraid we have booked holidays for July and August on the basis that if we are still waiting at least we will have a holiday and if we can't go the money lost will be small compared to the money spent on years of IVF.

Here's to a short wait for all of us

Newgirl


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## TraceyH

Hi All

Yes the waiting is the hard part.  We waited almost a year to the day from approval to being matched and it was the hardest year of my life.  In fact the same week we heard about our little one I was considering pulling out of the process, so glad we didn't.  I sounds silly but we almost forgot about the wait once we got our little one home.  Hang in there if you are still waiting.  Do all the jobs you have been meaning to do for ages as it will all go out the window when you are matched.

Tracey x


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## ritzi

newgirl welcome  

good for you booking the hols - something lovely to look forward to  

tracey  - thanks hun for the advice - should really get my dh to do the odd jobs  

hope you are all alright

ritz.


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## crazybabe

Hi Ritzi

I have pmd you - we got allocated a SW today YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Are you ok

crazybabe


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## coxy

Hi Newgirl
I would certainly subscribe to CWW or BMP, i wouldnt want to be that reliant on my sw, i would rather be looking for myself, you can also view some of the children on the websites.

Best of luck

Julia x


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## wynnster

Hi All

Newgirl - Hello, I would also subscribe to CWW and BMP myself, even if there isn't anything suitable it's at least something you feel like you're doing yourself.  Does your sw pay for your adoption uk membership ??  Might be sorth enquiring about as our authority pays for 2 years membership which includes Children Who Wait  

Coxy - Did you get your profile sorted with your SW?  Best of luck with that

Ritzy - We camped in France a few years ago and it was fantastic! We drove and used the ferry across to St Malo.  Where in France are you planning on going?  We drove down to La Baule, absolutely beautiful    Anything to pass the time ey  

Wigantwo - My dh is in the same situation as yours with regards to holidays, he's having to use his holiday when we're matched so we dont want to actually book a holiday and waste his holiday time.  I would have thought if you explain things with your sw they will work round your time off, not sure how they arrange things if a sibling pair arrive seperately  

We're due to meet little mans sw's on Monday and have so many things going round and round in our heads, we're 100% that he is the right one for us but just hope his sw's agree    

Everyones comments are so true, even though it's frustrating to sit and wait, it WILL HAPPEN to all of us, some wait much longer than others but we will all be Mummy's one day    Lets just hope and pray it's sooner rather than later


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## coxy

Hi Wynnster

Yes, she emailled it over yesterday so i spent most of yesterday and this morning emailling it to the email addresses you provided, so far 15 have come back to me requesting our profile, it feels good to be doing something our selves, even got dh involved last nite in writing out all the email addresses in CWW!!!

Julia x


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## ritzi

morning all

had a chat with SW this morning who has officially given us permission to press the 'request more information' button on CWW....can't believe how excited i am   she hasn't made any calls yet but she was going to call one of the SW's now and call me back  

we're thinking of somewhere near Paris - we're happy camping or in a caravan - outdoorsie people   hotels are fine too though  

wynn good luck for tues   and  

coxy - you busy bee with all the emails.....great to have so many requests for your profile   (note to self - get SW to hurry up with profile   )

newgirl - my name is ritzi and i am a control freak    i have to search the mags myself - makes me feel like i am doing something! we've today got permission to press the request more info button online CWW and it feels great   it may not be fruitful but to me feeling in control is half the battle. if your anything like me subscribe! 

cb - will PM you when i get a minute - pleased for you  

ritz (who is strangely excited about pressing that s0dding button   )


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## newgirl

Hi 

Yes we do get Adoption UK membership paid by the LA.  I had sent the form in a while ago and have chased it up today.  It turns out they had just processed it so we will get the next CWW.

I will look at BMP a bit later.

Thanks for all your replies.

I go from being all consumed by it all to trying hard to get on with things and (almost, if it were ever possible) forget about it.

newgirl


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## coxy

"I go from being all consumed by it all to trying hard to get on with things and (almost, if it were ever possible) forget about it"

I know how you feel!

Julia x


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## CAREbear1

Hi

I subscribe to BMP and the website, but not sure you get much extra on the website for the extra money. My LA doesn't subscribe to CWW, but I looked at it, just a bit expensive to do both. Is it any better than BMP?
Went out for relaxed girly lunch today, which I wouldn't be able to have done with child, so enjoyed it while I can. Don't feel as bad this week, bit more resigned and it seems there are a few of us in the same boat  
Speak soon


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## ritzi

carebear - i dont' get BMP but one of the girls kindly sent me a copy - the children we were interested in featured in CWW which we do get so i think you only need one of the mags not both. your SW should be looking in both on your behalf though  

it's nice to know there are a few of us isn't it  

newgirl - that's nice your LA pay for your membership - we're with a VA and pay for our own..... 
i've not tried to forget about it yet - i'm still in the all consumed stage much to my SW delight   (not!)

coxy - i fear i may be fueling an unhealthy consumption in you - must work harder to do some work!  

Well girls, SW did call me back and.........childrens SW not there so she left a message. Great. i have however taken the permission to press the s0dding button to a whole new level and enquired about far too many children today - dh always wanted 6 so best get started  

hugs all round to those approved and waiting

ritz


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## superal

6 ritzi!!  Your DH MUST be mad!!! 

It will happen & I'm sure your fed up of being told that BUT honestly it will!! 

Love
Andrea
xx


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## ritzi

when we were 'young and in love' we used to dream of having a brood - i'm 1 of 5, he's 1 of 6!   now i'm happy to settle for 2 but he still dreams of 4 at least 

i know it will happen - unlike the endless IVF - i'm just very impatient!!!!!! 

thanks andrea


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## superal

ritzi - I think we are all impatient at times, your coping with the waiting very well. 

Love
Andrea
x


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## ritzi

how are we all doing?

after a frustrating week i've decided to spend the weekend not thinking about adoption (much!). so we're going to look at buying a new car - might get dh to buy me some lunch - and then i'm working sunday afternoon  

have a good weekend everyone,

ritz.


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## superal

Ritz - good idea to keep yourself busy.......I bet when your looking at new cars you'll be thinking, will the pram go in and is there enough room for 6 children!! 

Have a lovely, busy weekend!!

Andrea
x


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## emsina

Enjoy your weekend Ritzi.  We were approved in April with an LA, so not encouraged to be proactive at such an early stage  .  Currently occupied with choosing things on the internet that I might buy if age/sex appropriate, when littlie comes.  Unfortunately I am becoming a little obsessed and am going to have to wean myself off looking at the mothercare site etc.  Have told dh this is valuable research, but am sure dh thinks I am turning into a crazed woman


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## **Heather**

Ive just sat and read through this thread, and I want to say GOOD LUCK to everyone who is waiting to be matched and I look forward to sharing your excitement when you all become parents. xxxxx


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## wynnster

Hi Everyone

Hevs - Thank you  

Ritzy - 6 Kids!!!     Have a lovely weekend, not thinking about adoption - yea right! What car are you planning on getting? We're thinking of getting a new one with a bigger boot - I wonder why ?  

Emsina - Enjoy window shopping, it's part of the fun and hopefully your wait will be a short one

Care bear - Alot of the children are in both BMP and CWW and very sad to see the same faces month after month    I have also found that if a child is in one and not the other then they don't appear again.  I suppose the childs agency will know if a child is likely to be snapped up then there is no point in them paying to advertise in each publication.  

Have a great weekend everyone.


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## sjm78

Hi everyone
I have been trying to keep busy and not think about things it seems to be the best way. Hope everyone had a good weekend.
Sarah


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## ritzi

hi all

ooh new names - i'll change the list on the first page  

we bought a car - but the car place conned us by doing fraud on our debit card   adding money onto the actual price. so now i have to go through the bank to get my money back.

emsina - welcome hun   all of us here know how you feel    i've blown you some bubbles 

superal - me thinking about prams - never  

heather - cheers hun.....you'll be here before you know it too  

wynn - you want a bigger boot - why's that?    

wigantwo - what kind of things are you doing to keep busy. do tell! 

well so far - i've cleaned behind/under the tv cabinet - the usual housework - dropped some stuff to the charity shop and..................washed some little clothes that i saw in a charity shop and couldn't resist buying    good brands, plenty of wear left in them, and money for charity. if i never need them i can always pass them onto nieces/nephews. (i'm big into recycling etc)
they do look gorgeous blowing on my washing line  

chasing SW's has become a full-time job - though my SW is getting better at keeping in touch - probably to stop me stalking her  

hugs all round    ritz.


----------



## mummyclaire

Hi Girls,

My mum and step father got approved last August and are still waiting. My mum is 47 and SW says that age is against her!!!! 

Have u girls got any advice that I could give to mum please. She as tried regular contact with SW but she never seems to be in office, either off sick or on holiday!!!! 

Thank you with    Claire xx


----------



## dawny36

Hi Claire,

Not much advice but tell your mum one of my friends from the adopters and tots group that I attend has just turned 48 and her little boy whom she adopted is soon to be 3years she has had him for 2.5 years hope this helps keep your mum thinking positive 

Love

Dawny

xx


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

Claire,   for your mum, does her agency run any open days or anything like that? I also sent our profile to various authorities (posted about it on the first page   ) maybe she could look into something like that? It will happen, just the wait is so agonising  

Ritzy - Glad you managed to get your new wheels, Grrrrr to the garage though! Hope you manage to get it all sorted and your money back.  Well done on being busy today    Awww dont blame you on picking up your bargains, all sounds common sense and it's all for charity anyway and even better make you feel better buying    I brought 1 top from a charity shop over a year ago that I couldn't resist and would you believe it's the right gender and age for the little man we're being considered for  
Our meeting today went really well, all very positive and our SW even said how well it's all gone.  There is nothing that either side are concerned about so we've been told that should all go to plan then we're looking at panel for July and intro's in August.

Hi to everyone else, hope you're enjoying the sunshine


----------



## emsina

Claire - hope your mum has success soon. As per wynnster's advice, it's a good idea to be proactive when you've been waiting a while, i.e. sending out profiles to local authorities and applying to social workers for children who may be of interest in the magazines Children Who Wait and Be My Parent.  No one ever knows how long they will have to wait, whatever their age.  Your mum and step dad must have plenty to offer, irrespective of age, otherwise they would not have been assessed  .

Ritzi - have you been able to get your money back? thx for the bubbles.

emsina xx


----------



## sjm78

Hi
I have been keeping busy doing jobs around the house. Decorating finishing bits of jobs etc. Finding work hard at the moment i am a nanny to 3 gorgeous kids and when we are out enjoying the good weather i cant help but thing about how much we want to be a family and do these things with our kids.
Ritzi hope you are getting your money back without to much hassle. 
Sorry for the moan.
Sarah


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

mummyclaire said:


> Hi Girls,
> 
> My mum and step father got approved last August and are still waiting. My mum is 47 and SW says that age is against her!!!!
> 
> Have u girls got any advice that I could give to mum please. She as tried regular contact with SW but she never seems to be in office, either off sick or on holiday!!!!
> 
> Thank you with   Claire xx


Hi Claire

Please tell your mum not to be disheartened as i know it seems hard however it is still early days as i have known people wait 2yrs for a match - we have an ff who has waited over that and now has a match. i think the ladies have given great advise, has your mumm gone through an LA (social services) or a VA (voluntary agency) to be approved?

xxx


----------



## coxy

Hi

I would recommend anyone who is allowed to do it, to follow wynnstar's advice and contact LA's, i emailled over 100 a couple of weeks ago and have had a good response, they might not come to anything but it feels good to be proactive and not having to rely on our sw.

Julia x


----------



## ritzi

hi all

still stalking my SW - but she's coming on friday so i'm holding off any more call till then   but i'm dying to know if she has emailed our form f to any SW's yet.......

Claire - if SW's are never contacting your mum advise her to contact their line manager and have a chat  

wynnster - how cool that the one item you bought was just right   still   and   for your match 

emsina - no monies back as yet but bank is going to sort it   how is the mothercare weaning going?  

wigantwo - i have the same feelings with my nieces/nephes.....  enjoy the littlies while you can soon you will have your own  

coxy - over 100   you have been busy!

love to you all waiting  

R


----------



## newgirl

Hi - can I ask a question?

Why are there loads more children in the paper copy of Children Who wait than are on the website?

Sorry - new to this...

newgirl


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

newgirl said:


> Hi - can I ask a question?
> 
> Why are there loads more children in the paper copy of Children Who wait than are on the website?
> 
> Sorry - new to this...
> 
> newgirl


Its down to money- it costs i think £300 to put in the paper however £400 for both paper and online so they tend to do paper only! (i am sure thats the costs i read in the CWW mag)

xx


----------



## ritzi

hello all

tonight i'm going to the theatre to watch/listen to the welsh national opera's performance of 'Hansel & Gretal'   what are you all up to this weekend?

things are going well here - SW brought a CPR to read today - our first one   - and i think i'm in love with these littlies.......bizarre too but it turns out the little ones were born the week of two of our angel babies due date

our form f has now been sent out to a few SW's after we have enquired about some kiddies so hopefully next week may bring some news   i'm impressed with our SW actually and think she really is doing her very best for us - she says there is lots going on that we do not see and she is expecting news of some littlies through a LA colleague on monday too  

where are you all up to? sending   wherever you are at - it is hard!

oh and a special   and   for wynnsters link 

ritz


----------



## newgirl

Hi All

We got our first CPR today too!  Very scary and so sad reading about all the problems the little one and his family have had.

How on earth will we know if a little one is right for us?

I've read it and read it and really don't know what to think.  Maybe that's a bad sign?

The thing I find hardest is that he has a very strange name which we can't even work out how to pronounce and part of me can't really get past that.

newgirl


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Ritzi

Hope you enjoy watching/Listening to 'Hansel & Gretal' I am so glad that things are going well for you - sorry if I sound dull but what is a CPR how old is the Littlies.......that is weird that the little ones were born the week of two of your angel babies due date.

Keep me imformed of your GOOD news - I am quite looking forward to our 01st SW visit for H/S on Wednesday next week - I think we are leaning more and more towards siblings now, I am so excited.

Take care - Have a fab weekend!!!

crazybabe


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi CB- a CPR is a childs permancy report- this is what was known as a Form E for the child which is the same as the Form F you wioll have once you go to panel (its the form F that holds all your info in it)

xx


----------



## crazybabe

Thanks MJ, how long did your H/S take - we got our 01st visit on Wednesday next week, I am a bit nervous.

crazybabe


----------



## sjm78

We are spring cleaning this weekend . Never done so many jobs around the house as have done since being approved. Feeling a little frustrated with our sw if he was any more laid back he'd be on the floor.
Ritzi hope things start moving now keep us posted.
Hope everyone else has a good weekend lets hope we all get the news we so want soon.
Sarah


----------



## superal

I typed a long reply and lost it!!!

Just wanted to say good luck to ritzi........I hope something comes from these possible links!

Wigantwo......How did the cleaning go??

Newgirl.........Its hard to know when the right child is the right child and all I can say is you will know!  Some times you just need more information to read to find out more and then you have a clearer picture.

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## **Heather**

Another load of good luck from me for everyone waiting xxx


----------



## sjm78

Hi everyone
The spring cleaning went great just 1 last room to go. I do love to see my dh with a mop  . 
Sarah


----------



## sjm78

Hi girls me again
Just wanted to know what your profile your sw does is like. Going to bite the bullet and ask for one to send out and just wondered what they are supposed to be like. Would imagine its a photo and brief description am i on the right lines.
Sarah


----------



## ritzi

thank hev for the good luck wishes  

wigantwo - i havn't seen ours so i can't help sorry   so far SW has just phoned the enquiries through an they've requested our form f not our profile.....i dare say if i were making the calls they would need to see the profile first....

i think it is 1 A4 page - with piccie at the top and general info underneath EG bob and joan are approved to adopted 10 children aged 0-18, they are open to children with disabilities. bob is french white and joan is jamacan black. bob likes baking cakes and joan loves DIY. They are a Sikh family and attend temple weekly. 
they have a wonderful support network with Joan's family living nearby. bob and joan live in the North of England. 

etc etc etc  (can you imagine though trying to match fictitious bob and joan   ) 

hth a little or makes you smile  

ritz.


----------



## coxy

Hi Ladies

Ritzi - like the profile     unfortunately ours is nothing like that, there are 3 sheets, one contains a photo, one sheet is called profile and just talks about us, our interests, experience etc, and then theres another sheet called Social Worker Assessment which basically is similar to the profile, it doesnt mention anywhere what we are approved for, or our race, religion etc.

Julia


----------



## jan welshy

We spoke to our sw yesterday to insist more proactiveness re finding a match, seem to want to not encourage us to send out profiles or be placed on national register!!!

We are going to do it anyway, at least then we will feel as though efforts are being made.

Hope everyone is having more luck.

Love
WelshyXXXXXX


----------



## coxy

Hi welshy

thats is so horrible that your sw   wont allow you to be proactive, our sw said she wished other adopters would take the initative but how can they if they dont encourage you to do it in the first place!  have you seen the link to all the LA's? i just sent them all an email telling them we had been approved etc and was this the correct email address to send our profile to, some came back and said it was, some came back and said they only place children with their own adopters but it felt so good to do sometimes for ourselves without having to rely on our sw all the time, so far since emailling them we have found 2 children to look at that havent been advertised yet.

Julia


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi, just found this thread.  No wonder the other usual thread has gone quiet - you are all posting on here or adoption virgins.   

Claire - I am 47 and have just been linked with a one year old little boy after 2 years of waiting since we were approved at panel.  Having been on an adoption course recently lots of the couples there had been waiting over a year and lots were in their 30s or 40s.  SW are not allowed to discriminate against people because of their age and no one has ever said to me that the wait was down to my age.  Your step mum should report that sw if she told her the delay was down to her age!  

We feel the wait was down to the fact that our LA places children outside of their authority so we had to have an "out of area" child but other LAs place in their area so it was a catch 22 situation.  We got CWH and BMP magazine.  CHW magazine was paid for by our LA for a year then we signed up again and also to BMP.  We sent out our profile ourselves to lots of LAs but most LAs replied that they already had people waiting for the age group we wanted which was 0-3.  The child we have been linked with is an out of area child.

The wait is very hard.  DH was all for packing in the adoption but I persuaded him to hang on until 2 years.  Luckily we got matched the month before!  We don't feel our sw did anything for us but we found our child ourselves by being pro-active.  I regularly emailed LAs and built up a rapport with some of them who gave me hints and tips on how to update my profile to appeal to more LAs. If I just sat back and waited for my sw to get working on our behalf I would still be waiting!


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

Glorious Day here today, hope everyone else has had sunshine  

Things are really looking positive with little man, we've received more reports and all still really good on that front, next is to meet with his foster carer who is coming the end of the month      Can't believe we're finally at this stage after months of waiting.

We wrote ourselves a list a few months ago of things we'd like to do around the house before being matched, looking at the list only a few things have been crossed off so lots left to keep us busy!!! 

FP - Awww ours boys are the same age  

Welshy - Can't believe the trouble you're having hunny, they're supposed to be on your side    I went to a social evening organised by AUK recently and I couldn't believe how many people were really anti sw's!! Luckily ours has been fantastic but you're not alone in finding them difficult..... You're doing a wonderful job in being proactive in finding your babies  

Coxy - Great news on finding 2 little ones - What stage are you at with them? Any possible links??

Ritzy - Joan and Bob sound just like DH and I  

Wigan - Our profile is 1 sheet with a small photo of us and then a brief description as outlined by Ritzy  

Newgirl - Any News with this particular child?  I think you just know, we were linked a few months ago to an 8 month old little boy but we had to say no to him and we knew it just didn't feel right.  With the little man we've recently been linked to it feels different, I can really imagine him in our lives, dont get me wrong there are times when I think 'OMG what are we doing' but I think thats only natural (at least I hope so!!   )  Saying no is not an easy thing to do, it hurts like hell but it has to be right.

Andrea - Dont you just hate it when that happens  

Hevs - Thankyou Again  

Anyone I've missed   

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## sjm78

Ritzi love the bob and joan profile . I bet there are stranger profiles out there. 
Wynnster glad things are going well keep us posted.
Welshy keep pushing your sw ours is to laid back for my liking but i keep on his case and am looking as hard as i can. 
Hi to everyone else.
Sarah


----------



## coxy

Hi everyone.....

spent an awful nite reading a childs profile, she has had a really rough time and so has BM, but shes not right for us, way too many issues, the child has also stated that she wants a mummy but no daddy or brothers or sisters, and 3 direct contacts with BM a year with possible sleep overs, sounds to me that adoption hasnt been explained to this little girl very well.  

Julia


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Julia, it is very hard when you have to turn down a child that does not feel right for you.  We did it and I spent all night crying but when the right one comes along you just know.  You feel very excited and I kept reading and re-reading the crb in case I had missed something but all was great.  Thankfully child's sw and out sw felt that the match was very good as well.  

Wynnster - nice that our littlies are the same age and we are going to panel together   

Hi to everyone else.


----------



## ritzi

hello

glad you all liked bob and joan  

jan how are you?  

friendlyperson - i had added you to the first page with lots of     for your matching panel 

wynnster - how exciting meeting FC! let us know when it will happen to send you good wishes  

wigantwo - did you get your profile sorted?  

we loved the look of the first CPR we saw and so are hoping the SW liked us too. we need some updated info so it will be a few weeks till we hear anything more about them.  we are looking at other CPRs meanwhile as our SW feels we should but so far not one has arrived   SW seem to take an age to do anything! 

hello to those not mentioned - must dash now as friends for dinner and not ready yet  

 to all approved and waiting

ritz.


----------



## sjm78

Hi everyone
Rang our sw about a profile to send he said not to worry about it yet our name automatically is on the systtem of all local authorities in the area and if not matched by 5-6 months he will email it on a much wider scale. Hoping this is the case and not a drag of the heals only time will tell. I always ring intending not to be put off but find myself agreeing to anything once on the phone.
Sarah


----------



## coxy

why is it that for ages you dont hear anything and then 2 potential little ones come up have read both CPR's (dh is away so im speaking on behalf of him  ), and its difficult to choose between them, one does stand out a little bit more but its the child we found ourselves rather than the other child who is one our sw found........ 

oohh, its going to drive me mad all weekend..... 

weird thing is, my mum had a dream the other nite in that me and dh picked a child called .... and this of course just happens to be the name of the child who is slightly more appealing (mum hadnt told me about the dream and i hadnt told her we were looking at a little one called this!! 

a very confused Julia,x


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Julia

That is really weird about your mums dream and that one of the children you are most drawn to has the name in your mums dream, I would say that this child is meant for you, I'm a great beleiver in fate, good luck hun 

crazybabe


----------



## coxy

Hi crazybabe

it seems our sw is trying to put us off this girl now as we actually found her ourselves and the other child was found by our sw.........so you can guess which one our sw is more keen to pursue  

Also after reading both reports again friday nite it seems the one we were keener on could inherit mental health issues, now call me thick but i didnt think mental health problems were herediatry?  or am i wrong?

Julia


----------



## magenta

If I remember correctly certain mental health issues can have a heritary nature but a parent with the illness does not necessarily pass it to all or any children.

the ones I remember being mentioned on our course were schitsophrenia and bi-polar disorder which have a higher occurance in teenagers with a parent who suffers.

As 1 in 6 adults suffers from mental health issues at some point (and one would suppose that those who are having a child removed may have additional 'risk factors' given their lifestyle/history too) it is not surprising to find something in a form E about parental mental health issues if known.

magenta x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi, as Magenta has said, bi polar is genetic.  bi polar is what used to be called manic depression.


----------



## sjm78

Hi girls just popped in to see howyou all are. Any news anyone ?
Sarah


----------



## coxy

Hi,
no news, waiting for my sw to tell me she has arranged a meeting with at least one or both girls, but you know what sw's are like, their quickest speed is slow  

Julia x


----------



## ritzi

no news for us either    

we enquired about 4 sibling groups over 3 weeks ago - 1 send the cpr straight away, the other 3 we haven't had yet - how annoying is that. 

had a very snotty phonecall from my SW this morning to say if there is any news i'll let you know (what's up with that - i'd only left 3 messages   )

in bed with the lurgy too so that is not helping!!

Ritz


----------



## coxy

to our sw's!!!

Julia x


----------



## emsina

We have a new social worker coming out to see us in a couple of weeks.  Pleased we finally have someone to help us, but also apprehensive about starting over with someone new who knows nothing about us.  Sounds friendly enough on the phone though  .  We had built up a really good relationship with our last one who left without warning a week after our approval panel  .
Love to all,
emsina x


----------



## wynnster

Hello All

OMG why does everything seem to take sooooo long!

Hope you all hear positive stuff soon  

Emsina - Try not to worry hunny, we had to change sw just after panel too and at first we were both aprehensive with getting to know the new one but now things are great, only thing I would say is to make sure your new one knows what you're willing to accept, although it is noted on your form f it may help to go through it with her again. Best of Luck  

We are meeting with Little Man's foster carer and SW on Monday and have a list of questions as long as your arm    Only thing i'm a little disappointed in is we're still waiting for an upto date photo of him, we have seen him but wasn't given a photo to keep. They did say they'd email but think they're going to wait and bring it on Monday   Ohhhhh I want it now!!!    Only 5 more sleeps to go  

Coxy - Hope you hear something soon  

Ritzy - How frustrating - Consider the ages you're applying for you'd think they'd snap you up   Hope you're soon feeling better  

xxxxxx


----------



## emsina

Wynnster – you must be so excited – jump up and down and demand your photo now  .

Coxy, hope one of the littlies is right for you.

Ritzi, hope you’re feeling better.

Anyone watching Wimbledon?


----------



## sjm78

Hi girls
Why are they so slow it is the most frustrating thing in the world. We have enquired about a few children on be my parent but most dont respond once they see where we live . I was upset yesterday by a thoughtless comment by our sw . We enquired about a large sibling group they are considering splitting they were having a meeting to decide what to do yeserday and my dh sent an email just to say let us know if you hear anything. We got an email back saying do be prepared for them to say no and its not the end of the world. Couldn't believe he said it do people not realise how important this is to us and how long we have waited on our road to becoming a family. Think it was worse as it was my day off and i was home alone feeling miserable.
Hope all your sw dont take to long with the info you need.
Wynnster think you are very patient waiting for your photo looking forward to hearing your stories keep us posted
Emsina hope all goes well with new sw sure it will be fine.
Sarah


----------



## coxy

Hi Sarah

So sorry to hear that  

I was saying to Ritzi yesterday that i dont think they cover enough of the post approval system in the prep training, i dont know what yours was like but our post approval training was 2 hours in the evening so no one was really listening, we were all thinking about heading down the pub for something to eat.

i hope we all hear some good news soon, i am sitting on my hands desperately trying to stop myself emailling sw to see if she has arranged meetings with kiddies sw's. 

Julia x


----------



## ritzi

hello all  

i'm still in bed - but not my sickbed thank goodness - just enjoying being near dh as he snoozes the day away  

coxy - we had no post approval training - just 3 days prep halfway through our home study. i didn't even know some people had post approval training   keep sitting on them hands girl  

wigantwo - whats wrong with where you live   sorry to hear of your SW being so insensitive   unless they've adopted they just can't understand  

wynnster - not long now and you'll be hearing all about your little man and getting that new photo  

emsina - that was a bit norti of your SW upping and leaving after panel - why didn't they warn you?   good luck with your new SW, hopefully the beginning of good things  

as coxy said before     to SW's. no news here and can't call for fear of pi$$ing her off too much  

have a good day all - will get up soon and then off to work  

ritz


----------



## coxy

Hi Ritzi,

hope you are feeling better today

Unfortunately i couldnt stop my fingers from texting our sw..... 

No blooming news, said she keeps missing on the kiddies sw's but was hoping to get some news before the weekend  

Julia xxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi, seems we are all in the same boat waiting for information from sws as I am still waiting to hear anything back from my sw re definite panel date and start of introductions.  My sw is only in this week and then off on annual leave so more waiting.


----------



## coxy

Hi friendlyperson

dont talk to me about sw being on hols, as soon as things start to happen with kids, our sw goes on holiday for a week...... 

our sw has just rang, we have a meeting with one of the kiddies sw the day before we go to Italy, and then of course, as soon as we are back from hols our blooming sw is off on her hols for 2 weeks    so its going to be a long long wait......i asked if they would tell us on the day and she said no but they would give us feedback, sw is meant to be letting me also if we are the only couple they are visiting.

Julia x


----------



## coxy

aaaarrrrggggghhh, apparently they have another couple in mind as well, whoever invented competitive matching needs a  ...

Julia x


----------



## sjm78

Ritzi nothing wrong with where we live but to far from where they are they all seem to be in the south.
Coxy thank god our sw wont do competative matching dont think i could cope. We also did no post approval training.
Hope everyones news comes sooner rather than later.
Sarah


----------



## ritzi

i did a huge post then lost it  

here was the general gist......

coxy - i didn't realise the link you have is competetive  

FP - hoping for a date for you before your SW goes on hols   any news? 

wigantwo - no good re location......how annoying   not looking forward to coping with 'sorry but your in wales'  

our SW phoned today - another of the 4 requested CPRs has arrived so she will get it to us this week....we will then have 2 - i'll be surprised if the other 2 arrive as its been 4 weeks now since the requests. be nice if the SWs could do a one-line email to say 'sorry but you don't seem right for the kiddies so we won't be sending CPR'.....(that 1 line took me all of 10 seconds  ) to save all this heartache and hanging about! 

we await the updated CPR for the first group we looked at - thats been over 2 weeks now but our SW doesn't want to chase it as as she said the kiddies SW know how keen we are.....so i called her today to give her a polite nudge but she's not in till thursday   no wonder she hasn't updated it if she's off all week   still very keen on that group though  

how is everyone else doing?   for them that needs.....

ritz


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Ritzi

Glad things are starting to move for you, we had our 01st initial H/S visit today, went well we handed in our homework which our SW will take away and read, we had to answer a load of questions which some were difficult, I have my individual visit 24th July now before we go on hols, so we are getting there quite quickly really, I have a question that I didn't really like to ask SW yet, when you get placed with a Child/Children and they move in to our home, how long must we leave it before the children can be introduced to our parents etc.

Take care, goos luck with CPR's.

crazybabe


----------



## jan welshy

Hiya all.
I know I have been lazy in staying in touch but I look on here every day.

Finally got fed up with sw not sneding out stuff for national register (9 months since being apporved). Sent down the line email and now says it shoud be done by the end of this week.

We have now sent our own profile out to every authority in wales and feel as though some positive action is now taking place (all b it from us).

Still waiting from littlies sws to send us information regarding why the did not go with us and why they did not let us know etc. 

Hope you are all having less frustrating time than us.

L
WelshyXXXXXXXX


----------



## coxy

Hi Welshy

sorry to hear you are having a bad time  

its crap isnt it when you feel your sw isnt helping, i got fed up with ours and emailled all the LA's in the UK and have found 2 children as a result, which i know isnt a brilliant amount but it felt good to do something for ourselves.

be prepared for not getting any kind of response about why you werent considered for littles, we have enquired for loads of children and have only ever been told once why we werent successful (geographical reasons). its frustrating when you enquire and maybe even swop info and then never ever hear back about a child, our sw kept telling us we had a good chance with a 1 yr old, we had read her cpr and requested an uptodate medical, which we were promised, and then when it went all quiet and now apparently they have another couple in mind who are closer to the county where the child lives....we are only an hours drive away  .....

i just wish our prep training had prepared us for how hard this part of the process is.

Julia x


----------



## ritzi

hello to all approved and waiting  

CB it all depends and the SW will decide this for you

welshy - i think we are all having frustrations at the mo   hoping you hear something soon  
we have no idea if we are actually on the welsh consortium register (we assume we are - but that took over 2 months for our SW to say she'll put us on it    are you on it? our SW (who is actually a manager so knows most of the welsh managers) says the matching lady on welsh register is really really good and if there is a good match will find it. we've not heard anything since then though  

coxy -   your right about the prep training - it seriously needs to cover this bit. this is the worst i've felt in the whole process purely because SWs can'/wont do their job effectively....

our frustrations are these:
1. we've been following a sibling group now for 4 weeks - had their CPR - good but out of date, requested update 3 weeks tomorrow and we've heard nothing. phoned last week oh she's not in till next thursday   so called today - oh she's in a meeting and then on leave till next week   i'm wondering if this SW ever does any work   meanwhile we are left here waiting for the update on these children that we are VERY keen on  

2. 4 weeks ago we requested a CPR - last friday it landed on my SW desk - and we won't get it till this friday - thats 4 weeks and 2 days since we requested it - am i crazy or if that just a very long time?  

3. 4 weeks ago we requested 2 CPRs and we've heard nothing since. they liked our profile - both have our form f and said they'd send the CPRs. 4 weeks 1 day later and zilch!!! how can this be ok?  

and now the new mags are due out so we will want to enquire about other children but our SW specifically said oh don't make more enquiries till we know if anything is happening with the 4 groups we enquired about in june........

share your frustrations girls - its good to know we're all in a similar boat  

ritz


----------



## jan welshy

Ritz,

Our sw says as they are in their own consortium (T, BG and Mon) we won't be bale to go on wlesh register

We have sent our adoption profile to every adoption team in Wales this week. Hope this helps us.

L
WelshyX


----------



## ritzi

perhaps give them a call - i'm sure you must be able to! makes no sense otherwise  

good luck   and   you'll get some interest from your profile!  

ritz


----------



## sjm78

Hi everyone
Ritzi our sw is the same says not to enquire about to many at once as can only deal with one authority at a time. This is def the hardest time feels like after approval everything comes to a standstill .
Welshy sure you should be able to go on the register would give them ring and check for yourself.
Coxy any more news hope you hear some good news .
Sarah


----------



## coxy

Hi

it seems we are all feeling the same........ 

no news, chased up a girls sw who our sw was meant to feedback to last week and he says he hasnt heard from our sw  , so i have said we are keen to meet etc but he hasnt replied......

had a look throu bmp last nite, nothing for us, just hope that cww brings some new faces, i know we still have another girls sw visit on 18th July but feel like i dont want to burn all my bridges as its a competitive matching and after the last link fell through i am trying to keep an open mind!

Julia x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi everyone, I have been quiet as well as when our sw came back from leave she contacted child's LA (different to ours) to be told that we had been omitted from the July panel in error!  Then we were told that 2 important documents had gone missing from our file and did we have copies and if so could we run them off, sign them and send them urgently to the panel clerk.  Luckily we did have the copies (but what if we hadn't had them  ) and so did as requested and so we are going to July panel but at a later date as there are to be 2 panels in July due to backlog.  So we go to panel on 22nd of July which is the second panel.  Everything seems to go wrong that can go wrong so I won't believe we are going to panel until the day before   

Like lots of people on here, we contacted loads of LAs with our profile.  Most didn't reply.  We asked after lots of children featured in cww but had no replies in the main.  Then suddenly we had 5 potential children in the offing, after we specified exactly how we felt we could fit with these children's needs.  We were then linked with one little boy and so heard nothing more about any of the others.  When I queried what had happened to the others I was told by my sw that she is not good at responding to people so is not sure if they contacted her or not but as we were linked and she is very busy she did not respond to them     I am assuming that is what happens all over    I think that the Government should have a major recruitment drive for sw like they did for nurses as the whole system is sooooo slooooow and understaffed.


----------



## ritzi

hello all  

how are we all?

FP   and   for your panel date!!! and   at your SW not responding and admitting it!!! totally shocked! 

following on from my post about frustrations last time i am still frustrated  
my SW did not drop off the CPR that is on her desk since a week friday - she didn't call or anyting - just didn't turn up   so i'm hoping obviously that she will give a call this week and make suitable explanation.....
CWW seemed filled with kiddies this month didn't it (is it only me who thinks there were more kiddies than usual?) and so we have emailed 4 SW last night to enquire about littlies   we haven't told our SW but i'll pop a short email in to inform her on monday.....

any news anyone?  

ritz


----------



## sjm78

Hi everyone
Just wondered if anyone has invested in any adoption story books and what they think of them also has anyone read the talking about adoption to your adopted child book.
Ritzi i agree cww seems to have loads of children in havent had chance for a good look yet as working this weekend .
F P hope they stick to your panel date looking forward to hearing all about it.
Sarah


----------



## CAREbear1

Hi everyone
Just popping on to say I'm still here and still waiting. Haven't heard a thing yet


----------



## Mummyof2

Wigantwo - if you look at the main adoption thread list you will see one entitled something like "books worth reading" by Lou W which should answer your queries re adoption story books  

Carebear1 - sorry to hear that you are still waiting.  I presume you mean that you are still waiting to hear about the 11month old you enquired about?  It is very frustrating to hear nothing about a child you are dreaming about and imagining being a parent to.    I know all about waiting after you have been approved at panel as we waited 1 year and 11 months to be linked       During that time we enquired about endless children but got nowhere as our LA now places their children out of area (didn't do this when we joined our LA and didn't mention that this was in the pipeline either) so we had to compete with other LAs who placed their children in area and gave priority to their waiting families, not out of area families    We had to seriously consider moving to get a child from our LA    But that would have affected our support list etc.  Finally we been linked with a little boy who will be 18 months when he comes to live with us next month (if we get approved at matching panel).  He is not from our LA.  I hope you will be luckier than us and get a link soon, although now we feel very lucky indeed to have been linked with a lovely little boy.


----------



## coxy

Hi ladies

carebear-hang in there, i know how frustrating it all is.

Wigantwo- me, dh, my mum and even our sw read the book called "The Adoption Diary" and we all enjoyed it, i think sw has now passed it onto another sw.

Im feeling abit down about it all at the moment, havent heard from our sw for 2 weeks, we do have a childs sw coming to visit next Thursday but we have been told that they are considering another couple as well  , i suppose i should be feeling excited but i cant help but think that if this doesnt work out how much longer will we have to wait for the right child to come along......

Julia x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Julia, sorry to hear you are feeling a bit down    We were in a situation where we were being considered alongside another couple for a little boy (not the one we are linked with).  The sws were here for 5 hours and we still didn't get picked, basically down to location and the fact that our spare bedroom was still looking like a junk room.  At the meeting we realised that we didn't particularly take to the child so weren't too bothered that we weren't chosen, although I spent the whole night crying at the thought of saying no and how long we would have to wait to hear about another child.  As it turned out we weren't chosen any way so my crying at the thought of saying no was a waste of time and it (only  ) took 6 months until another child came along and this child is the one we have been linked with.  As we were sure from the start that we wanted this child, we went all out to make sure we were chosen.  

My advice to you would be make your spare room look as much like a child's room as you can - go to a charity shop and get some child's curtains, toys, pictures etc cheaply or get the stuff you actually want but be prepared to have to pack it away again if you are not chosen.  Freecycle is a good source of free baby/child stuff.  Make sure the bedroom is not cluttered with adult junk like ours was the first time when we got turned down.  Also do some research on your area and find out where your nearest park, school, library, mums and tots group (if relevant), swimming pool etc is and type into your computer and compile into a list.  I listed 5 of each and ran off a copy which I put it in see through folders which I then joined together and turned into a book which I handed around to the child's sw and family finder when they came.  It showed that I was prepared to put myself out on behalf of the child and find out information and that this area is very family orientated.  They were impressed with my organisation.  Obviously make the house clean and tidy.  Ask lots of questions and show lots of interest in the child and point out how you are the perfect couple for him/her - give examples of this.  Try and relax and look calm and interested.  Good luck for Thursday


----------



## Mummyof2

We have finally heard that we are definitely going to matching panel on 22 July at 10am    Everyone keep fingers and toes crossed please


----------



## coxy

Hi Friendly person

thanks for the tips, dont know why i said it was Thursday cos its next Friday...... 

The bedroom is all done, we have always wanted a girl and the bedroom was quite girlie anyway cos my cousins daughter comes to stop quite a lot, so we have just added a girlie border and matching quilt cover and a couple of pictures, so that room is all done.

i am liking the idea of some kind of book, so was it thick? what else did you put in it? when you say you listed 5 of each do you mean 5 different parks? 5 different libraries etc?? sorry for so many questions, but if this will help us im willing to give it a go.

Julia x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Julia, the bedroom sounds great.  Well done you.  Yes I meant I listed 5 parks, 5 libraries etc and I also put the distance of how far they were from my house to them (I used free online AA Autoroute to work it out  ) ie Smithsons Library, 24 green lane, Our Town, 0.45 miles from our house, Johnson Library, 66 purple lane, Our Town, 0.35 miles from our house.  I put the closest of each at the top of the list of 5 and put the rest in order of distance from our house.  I headed each section ie LIBRARY and I put 2 or 3 sections to an A4 page, spaced out nicely to look good.  I put a front sheet on the book - something along the lines of "Child Friendly Places within 5 miles of our home" and I ran off dividing leaves with pics of winnie the pooh that I found on the web but you would do girlie pics of age related stuff of course.  It took me a couple of hours to produce.  It was about 15 pages thick with the dividing pages as well and I thought if we weren't chosen this time I would keep on using it each time so I did not put the child's name anywhere but made it general.  As it turned out the child's sw asked to take it away so I took that as a good sign.  I think it is now going as part of our paperwork to matching panel so it was a good luck charm for us   Good luck for next Friday


----------



## coxy

thanks for that, i will sit and sort one out. and best of luck with the matching panel!

Julia x


----------



## Mummyof2

Thanks Julia.  Got butterflies already and got over a week to go


----------



## coxy

Friendlyperson

Thanks for all your help, have spent some time while i should have been working   researching a load of stuff on the t'internet so will go throu it all with dh tonite....

Just hope the other couple we are against arent reading this thread!  

21st will whizz round!  we are off to Italy the day after the sw visit and then typically our sw is away for 2 weeks, so i am hoping she will either pass our details onto another sw so we can find out whats happening or she will ring/text us whilst we are away, dh said not to tell her we are in Italy as she will refuse to contact us cos of the cost  

Julia x


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## Mummyof2

You're welcome Julia.   Hope you are lucky.  I think I used upmystreet to find some of the information.


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

Coxy - Fantastic tips from FP as usual  There is also a website called Net Mums http://www.netmums.com/h/f/HOME/home/
and you can get lists of everything local to you from pre schools to toddler groups etc
I made a point of telling little mans sw of what is available locally but made it clear everything would depend on what he enjoyed... Enjoy researching 

FP - Fantastic news on your panel date - Fingers, Toes, Legs, Arms, Eyes and everything else is crossed for you     

Wigantwo - I have been buying a few kiddie adoption books for a while and some are a little heavy and others are quite good - I've brought off the internet so you never know what they're like til they tun up  I would advise you to pop along to your local library and se what you can get from there for free and then purchase the ones you think are appropriate 

Ritz - How frustrating! Maybe you could contact your SW and say something like 'would it be possible for me to chase up childs sw if you're busy' Our SW was fine with us contacting other sw's directly (we were reducing her work load!)

Welshy - Any news hunny ??

I'll have to join you in the frustrations of waiting for sw's  Everything is still going great for our match but we've been waiting over a week now for a date to see the medical advisor and to organise a date for the pre panel meeting -  Hope we hear something soon
As soon as it goes quiet you tend to think the worst and that they've changed their minds 

Love & Luck to All 

/links


----------



## coxy

Hi wynnstar
Thanks for that, it looks a great site and i have got some more good info from it.

Julia x


----------



## sjm78

Hi everyone
Have just ordered a few books at the libary so i can try before i buy.
Coxy good luck with meeting the sw and am jealous that you are off to italy lucky things enjoy.
FP good luck for the 22nd will keep my fingers crossed.
Wynster hope your wait for info isn't to long keep us posted
Ritzi keep on your sw back my dh said if there was a sw stalking list i would be at the top and i don't care.
Sarah


----------



## ritzi

sad today - heard that the sibling group we have been pursuing and very keen on will not be ours  
dh took the call while i was at work - and now he is at work, so i'm just waiting for him to get home and tell me why why why! 

thankfully (and against our better judgement we thought then) we made enquiries this month in CWW so maybe one of them will prove fruitful   

ok just feeling a bit sad though  

how is everyone else doing?  Ritz


----------



## Mummyof2

Ritz -    sorry to hear about your major disappointment.  It is very hard when you are not successful as you invest so many hopes and dreams in these potential children    Hopefully you will be successful next time


----------



## superal

Ritz- sorry to read your news.........something will happen soon   & I always say these things happen for a reason...your children are still waiting for you to find them!

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## Tibbelt

Ritzi - sending you big hugs honey, I can imagine how hard it is but Andrea is right, your family is out there so hang on in there honey, they will find you  

Hope everyone else is ok.

Can I pick your brains please?

We were approved at panel on the 1st July but we still haven't had a ratification letter... is that normal? I'm nervous that they won't ratify it as my Dad sadly passed away the day of panel and I knowthat's just the kind of thing which makes SW's nervous (i.e. whether I'm coping or not... which I am).... feeling more nervous than before panel at the moment    Does the worry never stop!

Sorry for the me post - just needing your words of wisdom!
Thank you

lots of love to all
Sarah
xxx


----------



## sjm78

Ritzi sorry things didn't work out for you hope your match comes soon.
Tibbelt it took a while for our letter to arrive if you have any worry contsct your sw i did .
Hi to everyone else.
Sarah


----------



## Tibbelt

Thanks Sarah, reassuring to hear you waited a while too... I've already called our SW (last week!) and she's told me not to worry, that we're approved and that's not going to change... think I'm just fretting needlessly but can't help it!  

thanks again honey,
hope you're having a nice day

lots of love to all
Sarah
xxx


----------



## wynnster

Hi All 

Ritz - Your babies are out there hunny  

Tibbelt - If I remember rightly our letter took a while to come through the post too, try not to worry   

Wigan - How are the books? Any recommendations?

FP - Not long now   Are you all ready for him? Do you have anything else to get/do?

We have a date to meet with the medical advisor now which is great and gives us something to look forward to, still nothing on a date for panel or pre placement meeting though    We've been keeping very busy and now have nursery furniture, endless amounts of toys, a few clothes and a pushchair   Which I love and am dying to take for a spin   - Everything is neutral though so if it does go pete tong with this match (which our sw keeps assuring us it wont) it is still suitable for either gender.

Love & Luck xxxxx


----------



## ritzi

hi all

thanks for the kind words   we're still reeling from the news really - particulary now we have found out that the reason was that we are not roman catholic   i know religion is important but BP don't even attend church.......we are free christians so obvioulsy we cannot change that....

our social worker called this morning - and is following up some of our enquiries from july cww - but we will see. not holding out much hope at the mo   from next week our sw is off on annual leave for 2 weeks - i guess its that time of year but it is very frustrating  

tibbelt - like you we fretted as our letter took an age to arrive (about 2 weeks) if your SW has said it's a yes i wouldn't worry too much  

FP fingers crossed for you hun - you'll be fine  

wynnster - great news on the date for the medical......how exciting making the purchases. i'm sure nothing will go pete tong  

hello to everyone - thanks for the support  

ritz


----------



## Mummyof2

Ritz - very sorry to hear your news and how annoying it was down to religion, especially as bm doesn't go to church!  I know that bm can have strong views on things.  Ours gave about 5 requests that have been taken very seriously by child's sw.  One request was that we get our new son to be christened.  We had planned on this so not a problem for us but someone who didn't believe in christenings would have been discounted.

Tibbelt - sorry it was so long ago that we got our letter that I cannot remember how long it took to arrive.  I know our sw rang us to confirm that we had been ratified and the letter followed on in due course.

Wynnster - sorry to hear that you are still waiting for a panel date or pre placement meeting.  We didn't go to the pre-placement meeting ourselves, just our sw and other professionals.  Thanks for asking - the bedroom is almost ready but we need to assemble the baby changing unit and we haven't got our buggy yet - going to get it after panel.  We know which buggy we want so it will just be a quick trip to Mothercare on the day.  We are so lucky in that we already have a birth child and we kept all of his baby things.  As we are getting another boy this time around we already have blue things that are suitable and hardly used.  We also get a £300 settling in allowance which is what we will get the buggy with.  We still have ds's buggy but it was second hand when we got it so although in good condition, looks dated now as ds is 7.  We have also been told that new littlie comes with lots of clothes and toys of his own so we will wait and see what he has before buying any more, as with those we have saved from our first ds, I would think he will have quite a pile    Will buy a new changing mat and may be a changing unit as ours looks well used.  Won't decide until dh puts it up.  Ditto travel cot but we have time to sort that out in the future.  After waiting for ever, it seems to be speeding round now    Did the dvd yesterday and that took a big chunk of the day.  We bought a teddy and made the dvd around the adventures of naughty teddy in our house.  It was fun but very time consuming.


----------



## coxy

Hi Ritzi,

sorry to hear your news,  


Hi to everyone else!

Julia xxx


----------



## sjm78

Hi everyone
Just got a message of the libary that 1 of the books i ordered is in so will let you know what i think once ive read it.
sarah


----------



## ritzi

now so glad we continued with the enquiries (although our SW didn't approve   ) as a SW emailed today to say she has sent our SW the CPR of 2 boys...
we liked these boys back in May and our SW said she had no response from her enquiry email - i enquired again this month and she emailed straight back to say she hadn't received an enquiry from us in May (our norti SW telling fibbies?) but would be happy to talk to us about the boys.....

the whole 'when God closes a door somewhere he opens a window' thing comes to mind......

ritz


----------



## Mummyof2

Ritz - keeping my fingers and toes crossed these are the ones.  In my experience you have to find your own children as sw are "too busy"      so good for you for getting on with things yourself    It worked for me ........ eventually


----------



## emsina

Hey Tibbelt, don’t worry.  We were approved in April and we only received our ratification letter 2 weeks ago!  Wonder if anyone can beat that.

Ritzi – these boys sound promising – fingers crossed for you   .

Well our brand new shiny s/w paid us a visit last week and she didn’t have horns or anything afterall.  In fact after a tour of the house and questions about what type of children we might prefer she casually drops in the fact that we went to a linking meeting last week and came out the chosen ones!!!!!!  (It’s all rather cloak and dagger with our agency, you’re never told anything until you’ve been chosen.)  So there’s me fretting that our forms are languishing at the bottom of a dusty filing cabinet because our s/w has up and left and we’ve heard zip since going to panel in April, when all along some magical linking fairy has been flying around the office waving a wand on our behalf!  

The childrens s/w is coming to see us on Thursday – hope she likes us.  Taken a few tips from Friendly Person (thx).  Our new shiny s/w has informed us she won’t now be coming herself as she is on strike!

Coxy – good luck with your meeting too and enjoy your holiday.
Wynnster – hope you get your panel date soon, must be frustrating.

All the best to all
A “trying not to get too excited in case it all goes wrong” emsina x


----------



## superal

Emsina - Talk about keeping us dangling on a thread to hear more!!

Our SW for our second adoption also did not tell us about our DD until we'd gone to matching panel & the matching panel said YES - its good to hear that other SS do this also........hoping the next stage goes just as quickly for you & your able to tell us more news when you can.

Things seem to be moving on along nicely for some at the moment and I hope it continues for you all.

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Emsina, glad to have been of help.  Exciting times for you - hope all proceeds smoothly   and these children are "the ones".  Annoying that your sw will be on strike on Thursday.  My dh is the only one in his office not on strike so he is manning the phones instead of admin so will be super busy.

Hi Andrea, hope all is well with you and yours.  How's the job going?


----------



## superal

friendly person _ I am fine and so are my family - thanks for asking.........keeping everything crossed for you!

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## crusoe

Hi everyone
Sorry to crash your thread but I'm hoping to join you all here from Monday onwards.
We have now had all our approval panel details for Monday and have been told this is our big chance to ask the panel questions. The problem is neither of us can think of a single appropriate question. We are pretty clear on the process but can't think of what else we could ask them about.
Can anyone remember if hey asked anything and if so what?

Thanks - love and luck
Crusoe
x


----------



## Old Timer

Hi ladies

FP - not long now hun, will be thinking of you on the 22nd, loads of luck - not that you'll need it!

Crusoe - Good luck for Monday, again not that you'll need it!  We didn't ask the panel any questions.  Hope you don't have too long a wait after Monday to get your family.

Love
OT x


----------



## coxy

Hi Crusoe
we didnt ask the panel anything, they asked us questions!  

Emsina-ooohh, how exciting re visit tomorrow, keep us posted!

Hi to everyone else

its my last day at work tomorrow til 30th July and as i havent got a computer at home i will catch up on 30th!!

Julia xxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Crusoe, we didn't ask panel any questions either.  As Julia said they ask you (a few) questions.  It feels like an interview for a job but with about 20 people facing you on the interview panel, instead of the usual 3-5     but it feels great when they say you've been approved     Good luck for Monday.

Hi OT - thanks for the message.  We got our letter yesterday inviting us to matching panel.  It all looks very formal and is being held in a Town Hall.  Must admit to huge butterflies now but trying to keep calm and focus on the end being almost in sight after so long    If they say no I think dh and I would shoot ourselves as cannot face any more waiting and our 7 year ds is sooooo excited at getting a little brother


----------



## coxy

Hi friendlyperson, how come its took so long from being matched to actually attending matching panel?

Julia x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Coxy, we got matched in April but as our crb checks were over 2 years old it was suddenly announced that we had to be redone before matching panel.     The renewed crb checks came back after 6 weeks - the same day June panel was being held but our paperwork had to be submitted the day before to be able to attend    - so we are now going to July panel.  It's been one thing after another causing delays all the way along for us hence our mammoth timescale     None of it has been our fault     In my experience LAs are


----------



## coxy

oh, wot a pain but at least its all sorted now and you have you date for panel, best of luck! 

Julia x


----------



## Mummyof2

Thanks Julia     we have no more problems/delays


----------



## ritzi

wow this thread is busy  

FP thanks for the good wishes - these boys are certainly growing on us   not long now for you  

emsina - more info needed   how many? how old? oh its exciting!   and  

crusoe - good luck for monday   we were so busy answering their questions we didn't ask anything! 

coxy - omg the 30th august?! me thinks you should use the hotel computer to at least log on    

well we are now dealing with a super-efficient super-quick childrens SW   turn up for the books   
she is off for the next 3 weeks but has told us if we like the boys CPR then phone her manager who will put a visit in her diary for when she returns - its a 5 hour round-trip and she just wants it 'popped' in her diary     she has also informed us of all the things she can set up - eg phone the FC, talk to medical advisor, read nursery reports etc.......she seems very keen - most unlike a normal SW  

good to see all that is going on at the mo   Ritz


----------



## coxy

noooo..the 30th of July you silly sod! 

Julia x


----------



## crusoe

Thanks everyone - I think we will just concentrate on answering panel questions and take your advice and not worry about asking any of our own!

Many thanks
Crusoe
xx


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Hi ya!! 

We just asked a simple question if the same people who approve the Adopters would also be there at a matching panel.

I couldn't think of anything else at the time, but it sounded ok 

The panel is a very Special day, myself and DW + the SW were all in tears of happyness after we were told we had been approved. Try and go for a nice meal that day to celerbrate afterwards.

We loved the panel although we were very nervous

Good luck and looking forward to reading about you being approved

Cheese


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

Lovely and busy on hear  

CC- Your approval day sounds just like ours, we had a few tears too and all the panel ended up 'awwwww' ing at us  

Crusoe - Best of luck for Panel - It's such a great feeling afterwards, enjoy  

FP - Not long now   Feeling nervous? 

Ritzy - Sounds Good so far  

Emsina - Sounds good for you too   Tell us more .....

Hi to everyone else  

We have finally got our pre panel meeting date (to discuss intro's etc and what he is coming hom with etc) which is 29th July so fingers toes eyes and everything else crossed that panel will be only a couple of weeks after that and then we meet our son      Cannot wait   He is perfect in every way

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Wynnster, our pre-panel date is also going to be 29th of July - a week after our panel    We will meet littlie for the first time, the same day after the pre-panel date meeting to work out introductions etc.     Our new son is perfect too    (and our 7 year old who has just got 4 x 3s in his stats which means he is a very clever bunny  )


----------



## wynnster

FP - Will be thinking of you on 29th - Wish we met littlie after the meeting too    Strange that the authority we are with do things differently and have the meeting before the panel date.... seems a bit odd to make the arrangements etc when panel could technically still say no!  
Well done to your very clever bunny DS   What a fab big brother he is going to be  

Not long now for you!!!!!


----------



## emsina

Hiya all,

Children’s s/w came and we got on well.  We have been linked to 2 little girls, currently aged 30 and 14 months and could have them home mid September if we go ahead.  We should be feeling over the moon, but there are a couple of issues we need further clarification on and we have a lot of reading matter in addition to CPRs to go through and digest.

Thank you all for your good wishes and will keep you posted of any further news.

emsina x


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

emsina,

We are also in the same position as yourself and we need more information on some little ones and until we have that we will not be happy.

You have to be right in what you are doing


----------



## Mummyof2

Emsina, yes you have to be sure.  We turned down several possible matches as we were not happy with the possible links, due to medical issues.  When we got the form E for the child we have been linked with we were excited from the word go and read and re-read the form looking for potential problems but there wasn't one, so we are delighted. I take it you mean that one child is 3 and not 30  as you have typed  

Cheshire Cat, yes you need as much information as possible to be sure you are a perfect match.  Good luck  

Wynnster, thanks for the message.  It is strange how LAs vary so much    Will be thinking of you on the 29th too.


----------



## coxy

Hi,

typing this at airport waiting to go to Italy 

just thought i would let you all know we met with poppet's sw's yesterday and they said there and then that they wanted to proceed with us......... :

we just cant believe it, it hasnt sunk in yet!!  matching panel provisionally booked for 9th sept....

Just have to go shopping now for buggy, cot bed, car seat.........  and god know what else!

wow, what an amazing couple of days!!

Julia x


----------



## Mummyof2

coxy - fab news


----------



## wynnster

Oh wow Coxy   How exciting! congratulations hunny    So pleased that you managed to get the decision before your hols too   What a happy holiday you're going to have smiling ear to ear 


CC and Emsina - We also had to turn down a link to a baby boy, such a hard thing to do but you just know when things aren't right..... So having already had a failed link, we were so apprehensive when reading our current links CPR but it felt different and we just wanted to know more    For me it takes a few days to read and let things be digested, maybe see how you feel in a few days.

Emsina - Are the girls 2 and a half and 14 months   

Ritz - Any News with the boys?

Jan - Any developments? Thinking of you lots hun  

Hi to everyone i've missed


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Well we should know towards the end of next week, then hopefully it will be all systems go


----------



## sjm78

Hi everyone changed my name so that when we post any news it isnt obvious where we are for safety reasons. Sure you can all guess as not to much of a change. Everyone seems to be getting good news. Coxy fantastic news hope your enjoying italy . Looking forward to hearing more of the good news.
Sarah


----------



## ritzi

hello all

W2 - it took me a while to work out who you are      

coxy - told you already hun but   so pleased for you and poppet 

wynnster & FP - not long for you both    

emsina - wow 30 and 14 months you will be busy    i hope you are okay with sorting out the health issues. do keep us posted   &  

cheshire cheese - i'll put you on the first page   let us know what happens...... 

our news: well having turned down 2 sibling groups after seeing their CPRs - and having the heartbreak of being turned down for another sibling group we are unsure how we feel about these boys  
on one hand we've liked them since may and thought we could parent them - however, the CPR has thrown up issues we hadn't considered so now we are waiting on educational and medical reports to arrive this week. all the SWs involved are off for annual leave so we have to wait till 7th aug to see our own SW to make a decision. at this point who knows?   

Ritz


----------



## Mummyof2

Ritz - how frustrating that you have to wait to find out more information but it is good that you are holding back until you know more.  By the time you make your decision and see your sw, you will have made an informed choice.   Fingers crossed  

Matching panel in the morning for us    everyone please keep fingers and toes crossed   that it is


----------



## emsina

Unfortunately, after much thought and discussion, we have turned down our link.
emsina x


----------



## ritzi

emsina - much love and hugs to you   its not an easy thing to do   
take time for you and when you are ready to look again, your children are out there somewhere  

FP - any news?  

Ritz


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi everyone - great news - we got approved at matching panel       Feeling really tired now as it is very nerve wracking - I could barely sleep last night but I needn't have worried.


----------



## sjm78

Hi everyone 
We have good news. We have been linked to a sibling group of 4 met the sw and they want to proceed with us. Need everyone to keep fingers and toes crossed that matching panel agree. We dont have a date yet and our sw is off for 3 weeks in august so have a wait to go but if panel agree we could become a family of 6 i am so excited.How do you stop yourself from rushing out to shop for all the things you need and we will need alot.
FP congratulations your family is becoming 4 and complete.
Emsina hugs to you . The decision has to be right for you its a big one to make.
Sarah


----------



## ritzi

OMG W2 - 4   how did you manage that when you are approved for 1-2    do you have to go back to approval panel to get that changed? (just curious) how old are they all? you will be busy!

i said on the other thread FP congrats   so pleased for you - what are the plans for intros? how old is your littlie? 

went to the library today and got some books out on the pertinent issues raised in the children's CPR - just more info really. 
also got some books about the madness (competitiveness) of modern parenting - and figure i'll be the mum that all the other mums can't stand! (or the eco-mum, i've not quite decided)   

ritz


----------



## sjm78

Hi Ritzi 
We are approved and the recommendation for 1-2 was our choice and obviously we have done the opposite. The sibling group come up and we considered it long and hard . We now cant wait for matching panel but know they will ask lots of questions. They are all gourgeous adorable children. Eldest dd is 5 yrs 9 months,dd2 is 4 today(happy birthday baby thinking of you today)ds is 2 yrs 9 months and dd3 is 8 months. We so pray these children become ours and our family becomes complete.
I got a couple of books from the libary and am waiting for a couple more. Will let you know if i have any recomendations.
Sarah


----------



## crusoe

W2 - I'm keeping everything crossed for you but OMG 4 !!! I'm stressed at thinking about 1 little person joining us let alone 4. They sound lovely ages - here's hoping you are one big happy family very soon.

I am just reading a new book called "big steps for little people: parenting your adopted child" by Celia Foster which is very readable and seems practical.

Love Crusoe
xxx


----------



## wynnster

W2 -      4!!! What lovely ages they are and a complete family all in one go   Well done to you and DH.  If it wasn't for people like you these children would have been split    What is the next stage for you?

Crusoe - I think i'll have a look into that book, sounds a good read

Ritz - The first few weeks or so after learning of little man were spent researching into everything possible! It is mind numbing at times, but essential you find out as much as possible and will also be a big plus point with the childrens SW  

FP - Still smiling for you - Well Done! Don't go leaving us though, we need to know all about your intro's   When do they start? 29th isn't it?

Emsina -   So sorry hunny. Take time to get over this blow - Your children are out there, Hang on to that thought  

We Finally have our panel date - 27th August! It seems so far off now but i'm sure it will soon come round and we have plenty to do in the mean time! Our planning meeting is next week so once thats over it is only 4 weeks to panel   Can't wait to meet our Son


----------



## Mummyof2

W2 - big congratulations to you.  One of the mums at my son's school has 4 children with eldest being 8 1/2 and she is just about to have no 5 child in 2 months.  It is lovely to see her and her brood.  Obviously her children are not adopted but she is the only mum I know with so many children, although lots of people seem to have 3 nowadays whereas a few years ago 2 was the norm.  As was said earlier by Wynnster, it is people like you and your dh who keep these families together so well done   You will have your work cut out looking after so many children but the eldest is at a sensible age where she can help out when necessary and I expect you will have a strong support network in place to help out as well.    

Wynnster - Congratulations on having a panel date of 27th of August.  Won't be long now.     Yes intros start for us on the 29th at about 3.30pm until 6.30pm.  Got the introduction planning meeting at 2pm the same day.  Don't worry, I won't vanish and will let you all know how intros go.  I used to love reading about intros myself and imagining my time with my new child and now it has almost arrived.   We can't wait to meet littlie no 2.  Dh is back at work this week and then has 3 weeks off starting Monday.  We still have to buy some things and get the room 100% completed.  Bought the buggy and changing bag from Mothercare and some nappies on Sunday as a good luck charm for yesterday so we are more or less set   

Emsina - well done for having the strength to say no.  It is very hard but you have to be 100% sure.

Ritzi - We have only had the provisional introduction plan.  We have the final introduction planning meeting on the 29th when dates are set in stone and then we meet littlie later that day for the first time for a couple of hours and then every day after that for a week (12 hour days including travelling  ) and then he moves in on the 4th or 5th of August all being well.  He will be 18 months when he moves in.  He was 14 months when we got matched.


----------



## superal

Hi W2!!

Many Congratulations........4 oh WOW!!  You will have your hands soooooooo full BUT it will be soooooo worth while!!  I had a feeling you'd heard about a sibling group for quiet while, am I right that you've know about them for a while??

Why not start a new thread to tell everyone your good news........everyone will want to know just not the people on here who have been great and given you support BUT us "others" who have been matched would like to add our congratulations.

Love
Andrea
x


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## ♥ M J ♥

W2-  to you and DH- we have 2 children under 4 and i have to say it has not been easy however worth every min of snotty noses and tantrums! good luck for panel

 to everyone else

xxx


----------



## TraceyH

W2 - Congratulations looking forward to reading your updates.

Best wishes to everyone else.

Tracey x


----------



## emsina

Friendly Person – Congratulations to all the family, roll on intros.

Wynnster – 27 August - that’ll come round in no time at all!

W2 – Friends of ours took a sibling group of 4 small children 3 years ago (they were approved for up to 5).  They have blossomed and are a real credit to their parents.  Fingers crossed for you.

emsina x


----------



## sjm78

Hi everyone
Weare still on cloud 9 and so excited buy also terrified that matching panel will say no.
Its a good job i love shopping as there will be lots to do but DH wont let me start on the decorating. Not looking forward to the wait now especially as SW is off for 3 weeks in Aug. Can i ask for a photo before panel we saw some and a dvd but they didnt leave us any because they hadn't told us they liked us.Think i am going to be the crazy mum who tells everyone that we have the most gorgeous children in the world and they are.
Emsina lovely to hear about someone who has taken on 4 children our Sw keeps saying OMG i have never placed 4 are you mad they will take over your life. We keep saying yes we know and cant wait.
Sarah


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

Sarah - We asked for an up to date photo of little man as the one that came with his file was taken at 7 months! We didn't think it would be an issue but his sw ummed and arrred over letting us have one!! Although she did give in  
We decorated the nursery before we knew anything about him, just neutral colours so at least we had a base and I must admit I'm glad we did! We've more or less completed the room other than decor.  The furniture we compromised on, I really like the M&P Savannah range but DH is a bit funny about flat pack stuff and wanted solid wood   So we compromised and got the solid wood furniture and painted it the savannah colours and I must admit it has come out really well! 
Enjoy the decorating and shopping (even if it is just window shopping for now   )

FP - Our planning meetings are not only the same day but the same time    Will be thinking of you at 2pm    Oh what buggy have you gone for? We've brought a Loola (again suitable for either sex, just incase   ) and it is fab! I had to get it as it was a complete bargain at £75! and great for forward and rearward facing.  Tempted to take it for a stroll round the streets  

Feels great now things are moving along with our link, we have the paperwork ready for our planning meeting on Tuesday and had a phonecall from our sw on monday to ask us to make a report on why we think X is the right child for us and why the match is a good one, which had to be in the following morning!   I was dreading writing it but actually when we started it just flowed and before we knew it we'd written too much and had to take some out  

Ritz - Hows the reading coming along ?

Emsina - How are you feeling now?

Cheshire Cheese - Any further developments ?


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## Mummyof2

W2 - we saw photos and video of our soon to be son back in April but weren't allowed to have them to keep until after matching panel approval.  They were returned to us last night    It's lovely to see littlie again and I've put one of his photos in a frame and it is on the side now    Your sw doesn't sound very supportive with her are you mad comments  

Wynnster - we have bought a MacLaren Quest in red and black.  We had a Maclaren with our first son and it did us well.  We really wanted an umbrella fold and lightweight one as we go away to family and friends quite a lot + holidays so we wanted a compact style.  Dh was very keen on the carrying strap feature as he felt it would be ideal for holidays and not many buggies have them.  The Loola looks very smart and is very similar in appearance to the one we bought.  Originally I wanted a 3 wheeler but some of them tip with the small wheels and the big wheeled ones take up too much space in the boot.  You had the Loola at a very good price!  Well done.  We had to do that report re why the match is a good one etc on our littlie as well and like you found the words came easily.  Like you, we had very little time to do it


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Hi everybody
wynnster, we are currently being linked with a couple of Children, we have been waiting for the CPR forms for one child which have arrived, and we have mentioned today that we would like to take this to the next step.

Also we have been looking at a little baby boy, but we have held off really as we do not really fit with what Social services are looking for although we will find out next week if we have been short listed as we are one of 6 couples.

Nice to hear everybody is moving along .

Cheese


----------



## Mummyof2

Cheshire Cheese - all sounding good with the children whose CPR you have seen and liked       Good luck.  How old is the baby boy you are also considering?  Lots of interest in him sounds like.  We have been matched with a baby boy who will be 18 months when he moves in and there was lots of interest in him from other couples as well (sorry if you are reading and it was you  ) but thankfully the child's sw showed a strong preference for us from our form F, which was solidified when he met us - phew    We were also being considered for a 10 month baby boy at the same time but we thought an offered child was better than a potentially offered child so grabbed our opportunity with both hands, especially as our new son seems so perfect for us.  We meet him on Tuesday


----------



## Lynsey J

Hi Julia

Congratulations. 

We had our initial interview on 3rd July, and been like a cat on a hot tin roof these past few weeks waiting for a reply - the rejection letter to come through the post. We had a phone call on Thursday afternoon from the S.W. saying that she wants to speak to us personally, and she doesn't work Fridays so hopefully we should find out on Monday.  I just keep thinking it is going to be bad news. 

Congrats once again. 


Lynsey


----------



## ritzi

hello all

just to say its with heavy hearts that dh and i have decided not to go ahead with our linked sibling group after reading the professional reports. 
we think our SW when she gets back in august will entirely support our decision and not try to tell us otherwise. 
we feel very sad right now - but we know in our heads that we are not the right parents for the boys and they need something other than what we can give. still feels [email protected] though!  

Ritz


----------



## wynnster

Hi Ritzi

So sorry to read your news, hugs to you and DH, it is a horrible feeling  

Your children are out there though hun and you will soon find them  

Thinking of you lots


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## wynnster

Friendly Person - Thinking of you for tomorrow    Wishing you all the best and hoping the morning gets out the way quickly so you can go and meet your son   How exciting!!!    

I cannot wait to hear all about it and i'm sure everyone else on here can't either.  You've waited long and hard for this day, longer than any of us and had obstacles to climb along the way.  Enjoy every second of it, you surely deserve it


----------



## Mummyof2

Wynnster - I can hardly believe the time has finally come round.   Dh is off now for 3 weeks and is moving lots of furniture round in our living room as I type to make it more child friendly as we have put a playpen up.  Doing the last of the child's bedroom as well.  Exciting times.  Dh is going to assemble the buggy later and I'm going to get the changing bag ready - don't know what size nappies he wears though yet.  We are both really looking forward to tomorrow but it is a bit scary as well.  Our eldest son is at my parents for a few days as it is the summer holidays and he doesn't meet no 2 son until Thursday.  Will let you know how it all goes      Good luck for tomorrow yourself.  Hope all goes as expected.  I'm sure it will and you will be  meeting your son very shortly       

Ritzi - very sorry to hear about your decision.  We had to turn 2 children down (one child each time) and it was very very hard as you feel like you're being too picky and when will it be your turn to get matched etc.  It raises all sorts of emotions in you and dh.  But you know in your heart that you did not take this decision lightly and that these children were not right for you so well done for doing the right thing for everyone.    to you though as it is a very painful thing to do.

Lynnsey - hope all turns out well for you


----------



## sjm78

Hi everyone
Ritzi big  sure you need it right now. We turned down 2 sibling groups and it makes you feel c**p and it doesnt matter what people say you do feel bad. We turned down 1 set of twins who especially pulled on our heart strings but we felt they needed more than we could give and its a hard decision. Hope its a short wait till you hear about the perfect children for you.
FP looking forward to hearing about tommorrow bet you are so excited . Keep us posted.
We are waiting for a date to meet the eldest 3s fc but are sw is off this week in next then off for 2 weeks so another frustrating wait.Our sw said to contact the head sw if we needed anything so we intend to do so in the hope she will put a foot up his   when he gets back. We are hoping to just speak to other fc on the phone to hurry things along as will obviously get to speak more at intros although still not sure how these will be done due to them being in different fhs
Sarah


----------



## Laine

Wynnster & FP

Heaps of luck to you both for tomorrow  

Will be thinking of you both and look forward to hearing all about it  

Laine xx


----------



## Mummyof2

Thanks Laine


----------



## jilldill

Thinking of you FP hope you have a wonderful time,
Love JD x


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi,

I am just new to the site, been introduced to it by M J and M J's DH.  My DH and I got approved last November and are still waiting.  We went to panel last sept and got deferred, I seriously thought that that was the end of it all but our new SW was really really good and got us through panel in Nov.  I believe we are the last in our group to be matched.  I thought i would find it hard to hear from the others in our group when they got matched but i was, and still am, really pleased for them.  I am finding the waiting game quite hard but my DH is really good and just keeps taking me out on dates and reminding me that when our angel comes along we wont be able to do this as much as we are now.  Thank god for my DH.


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hey hun

Welcome to FF- you will get great support here

 hi ladies- hope your all well

xx


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## Mummyof2

Welcome to you ShazJohn.  The waiting can be very long.  We got matched 1 year and 11 months after approval panel    We are now in the middle of introductions to a lovely little boy and it is going well.

Jilldill - thanks hun


----------



## ritzi

just a quickie to say WELL DONE FP   wonderful hun  

shazjohn - welcome hun.....we're all in the same boat here - your dh sounds great  

hope everyone else is well - must dash

Ritz


----------



## sjm78

Just popped in to say hi . No news from us sw on hols (wish i had as many hols ) . Welcome Shazjohn feel free to vent your frustrations on here we all do it helps to tell people who understands.
sarah


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

W2 - Wish I had half as many holidays  

Shazjohn- Welcome to the boards    The girls on here are great and it is so helpful to speak to people who understand what you're going through  

FP - So glad to hear intro's are going well, cant wait to hear more 

Laine -   Thankyou Hunny

We had such a positive day on Tuesday, the pre panel meeting went really well and we have dates that we'll be starting intro's and bringing our son home  
I've now given my work the dates for leaving and things are really moving now


----------



## sjm78

Wynnster so excited for you. Keep us posted.
Sarah


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi everyone, I've posted this elsewhere so please excuse me cutting and pasting but thought you would like to be kept up to date to know what to expect when it is your turns!  I am feeling more normal today as we don't start intros until mid-day as we are doing afternoon and evening routines so it will be a later night home which suits me as I am not a morning person     Planning meeting was very intense and far more formal than I had realised it would be    I found it stressful and it went on for a couple of hours.  Afterwards went to meet littlie for the first time.  He is a tall lad for his age so was taller than I expected but my dh and ds1 are both tall so that is fine.  He is not at all shy and when he met us we were straight into playing with his toys alongside him with fc watching closely.  FC has had him for 18 months so is very attached to him and vice versa.  She has asked that we keep in touch after he is adopted as they would have adopted him themselves if they were younger.  We were only there for a couple of hours. On Tuesday we met birth mum for half an hour alongside littlie's sw.  She was very pleasant but sad to be losing littlie so we all sat there and all nearly cried (dh, me and bm) at her loss and how she was feeling so it was not a happy meeting but I think she was reassured that her son will be loved and cared for properly and that we are nice decent people.  We took some photos of her for when littlie is 18 and sw took some of all 3 of us for the file to prove we met.  Then dh and I went on to fc house for the rest of the day and played with littlie, fed him twice, changed his nappy twice.  He is very affectionate to us now and very lovable so we had lots of hugs and kisses.  Today we go there at mid-day until 8pm with ds1 who is very excited about meeting his brother for the first time.  Just hope he doesn't get jealous and vice versa although both boys have very nice gentle caring personalities so should go ok.  Review meeting is Monday morning and littlie will move in Monday pm if everyone agrees - fc says she is very pleased about how well littlie has taken to us and how well we interact with him.  Tomorrow littlie comes to our house for the first time and his sw will visit us to check all is well but we don't expect any problems.  Littlie plays up having his nappy changed and also when we feed him but it is early days.  This is a very special time and we are thoroughly enjoying it but looking forward to being a normal family and having both sons at home as introductions are a very artificial environment, especially as we already have a child so have done the changing nappies/feeding etc for years but we have to go through with it as sws want it done    Making sure we are competent enough.  Dh has an interview this morning so more stress today for him.  As always thanks for all the kind messages, I really appreciate it and I hope you will all soon be in this position of meeting your little ones. Wynnster - not long now


----------



## wynnster

Awwwww FP So lovely hearing from you   and really sounds like things are going fab! 
We're having to meet with BP's during intro's too    SOunds like your meeting with them was successful and worthwhile for your DS2 but couldn't have been easy  
WHen do you bring him home?

Thanks W2


----------



## superal

To all of you who have been approved and going/hoping to go through intros soon & worried about meeting BPS.........PLEASE don't worry about the process of meeting them.  The BPS will feel just as nervous as you & at the end of the day if it wasn't for them we wouldn't have our lovely children.

Each persons meeting is different BUT everyone says they are glad they did it as at least you can try and answer some questions our children may ask in the future.

Love
Andrea
x

PS Hope the approved waiters are OK & I hope you hear the news you've waited for so long to happen soon.!!


----------



## Old Timer

Hi 

FP - fantastic to hear about your son, so pleased for you 

Will just 2nd what Andrea has said about meeting BPs, though nerve wracking ours was a very positive experience and we are so pleased we did it.

Love
OT x


----------



## coxy

Hi
sorry, have been busy at work for a change  

Just had the chance now to sit and read throu all the postings since i last posted, so here goes:-

Emsina-sorry about your link but keep your chin up

Friendlyperson- wow, congrats on matching panel and cant believe he moves in on Monday, you must be on cloud 9, just hope our intro/moving in is as quick!

W2- congrats, 4 wow!! brave person!

Wynnster- 27th Aug will be here quick enough.

Ritzi- Hi, i know how hard it is so i feel for you.

hi to everyone else, and i hope i havent missed anyone.

It still hasnt sunk in yet about our little poppet.  dh was in a state of shock for a week, our front room is packed now with buggy, high chair, stair gates, car seat.....just need a playpen now!

to everyone else who is waiting to be matched, hang on in there, i know how frustrating it all is but it will be worth it when it does happen.

Julia x


----------



## EML

Dear All
Glad to see so many success stories (and sorry to those for whom the matches haven't worked out, but as our SW keeps saying, 'it will happen and it will be worth the wait in the end!').
Anyway, my current dilemma is: I think I've blow what could have been a really good match! I enquired about some children and their SW said she'd contact me by 'phone. Our SW suggested that I really 'sold' myself during this conversation... so, following a pleasant and informative chat about the children, what was the first thing I said when littlies SW asked me to 'tell me about yourselves'? I opened with 'Well, we're a couple of old crocks'!!! I mean, what was I thinking of? I was so nervous, but it was one of those Father Ted moments when you know you should do one thing, and find yourself doing the complete opposite! The SW did chuckle, and I tried to dig myself out of the very big hole I'd made – it was awful! I contacted our SW and told her how I'd got on, and she tried to re-assure me and said that the littlies SW had asked to see our details so no harm done. Has anyone else had this happen? It was like being interviewed for your dream job over the 'phone.
Love and best of luck to all
Elaine


----------



## Nefe

Hi

Hope you don't mind me butting in as we are not approved yet. Friendly Person that is a lovely post you have written and cannot wait for our turn. It sounds so lovely and emotional.

Love Nefe
xx


----------



## wynnster

EML -   Sorry but has to laugh! SW's are human after all and she probably found it funny too    During our HS I used to say stupid things that were completely unnecessary and I'd feel a complete idiot for saying stuff but that was to our sw so I can only imagine what a fool you feel for saying it to littlies sw   but i'm sure it will have no affect on how they view you (only that you have a sense of humour) If she's already requested to see your Form F i'd say thats seems pretty positive stuff    Hang in there  

Coxy - Good to hear from you hope you're enjoying your shopping  

Andrea and OT - Thankyou for your thoughts on meeting the BP's, I'm sure it will be fine but we have heard things about them thats just making us nervous    although i'm sure they will be more so.  We realise it is a positive thing to do for littlie hence why we're doing it but just worry about not only the meeting but also the identity issue.  BM traced her previously adopted children and went to the area they were living to cause a panick   Thankfully we are a further distance away but it is still a worry. 

Nefe - You'll be here before you know it  

I couldn't resist a little T-shirt for Littlie from Mothercare it says on the front 'Mummy's Handsome New Man - just dont tell Daddy'   How appropriate!

Just wondering if anyone who did forward their profiles to other agencies (like us) had any responses and how you're getting on in your searches?   - Best of luck to you


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi everyone, thanks for the messages.  Intros are going well.  Littlie is very attached to us already and sobbed when we said good night and left.  He thinks the world of ds1.  DS1 thinks littlie is just great.  Went to the park today and it felt very nice to be a 2 parent family.  Had littlie at our house for the day which wasn't so great as he is into everything.  We thought we had made our house toddler proof but no such luck unless we move out into a plain box with a boltable door    It's a big learning curve as ds1 was not a grabber/toucher baby    Lots of lovely moments as well and littlie is very cute and lovable.  We found meeting bm a worthwhile experience but it was upsetting all round.  We felt it was the right thing to do to reassure her about us and for us to see where our new son came from.  It was only for half an hour and child's sw was "in charge" so, although daunting, it was the right thing to do we felt and at the end I hugged bm as felt close to her and sorry for her.  Wouldn't want her as my new best friend though but it was fine as a one off meeting 

Nefe - welcome to you and thanks for the message.  

Wynnster - loved the t-shirt slogan  

EML - ooops.  I'm an old crock too  

Coxy - sounds like you've got all the shopping now - happy times


----------



## CAREbear1

Hi everyone

Just to say I'm still here .........and waiting, but loving reading all the posts. Friendlyperson- great post, keep it coming. It gives us hope that one day we will be there, and we will in time. I believe in fate, that my baby was always to come through adoption and that they are there somewhere waiting to come home to me. In the meantime I'm enjoying life and trying to do things that I won't be able to do in the future. Have booked a holiday with the girlys to Majorca and just come back from Norfolk with my brother and their children. Had a wonderful time.
Amanda
xxxx


----------



## CAREbear1

Ooh meant to say I've joined Adoption UK too and have put in an enquiry about a baby in there. There seems to be a lot more profiles in there than in Be My Parent. Its quite expensive to get both!


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Carebear1, thanks for the message.  Good to hear you had a good holiday and have booked a girly one to Majorca. We joined Adoption UK and Be My Parent and it is expensive but they are both charities so looked at it that the cost was supporting two worthwhile charities.  Well worth the cost of either/both if it brings your child to you   

Today was much better at home as ds2 had learned what he was allowed to touch and what he wasn't so half the amount of "nos" today, only when ds2 decided to push the boundaries a little and see if no meant no   .  We also resurrected ds1's playpen which is a sanity saver, especially at our meal times.  Ds2 was a little angel today all day considering how young he is (18 months).  Half day tomorrow as pm is our "rest and reflection" time and then Monday is review day. DS1 and DS2 get on so well, despite the 6 year age gap, that it is lovely to see them together


----------



## ritzi

hello all  

wynnster - loving the 'Mummy's Handsome New Man - just dont tell Daddy'  t-shirt   OMG how adorable!  

FP - sounds like it is all going well  

coxy - i bet dh was like   when he saw all poppets stuff!   men huh!

EML - we're a couple of old crocks!    on the same line a childs SW phoned us on thursday and dh said oh my wife is not here can you call back next week    norti dh!

have updated the first page  

well our news - spoke with our SW today who agrees the boys are not for us so that link has now stopped   its sad but the right thing. i'm sure you've all read my SW is fibbing to us so roll on thursday when we will find out what is going on. todays call revealed she has 2 CPRs on her desk that she is working through so we're   and   that maybe just maybe something in SW crazy system has worked! only time will tell   i have no clue about the children as these are through her links to our local LA manager - i told her not to tell us anything unless she thinks we will wish to pursue them - but now i'm getting impatient!

ritz


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

Ritz - Woo Hooo - Sounds as though things have been going on behind the scene    Awww really hope things work out with these kiddies, maybe thats why she was dragging her heels slightly as she was waiting for info on these children and she knows they're a possible match    Keep us informed  

FP - How is it all going now? Bless you DS for being a great Big Brother   How great to have a little helper around the house, what stories he's going to have when he goes back to school  

Caer Bear - We too had CWW and BMP, although we did not make one enquiry from either.  Best of luck on your search and fingers crossed for this littlie you have enquired after    It is expensive but a great way to look at it re the going the charity  

Coxy - Just about to reply to PM Hunny, 

A few days closer to panel now   we've had most of the paperwork for panel sent through so everything is all in order.  Our little man is having a blood test today and he doesn't like them, it feels so helpless not being able to be there  

xxx


----------



## emsina

Hiya all – have been taking a break from the boards and licking my wounds!  Am feeling heaps better   and bless you all for your kind comments.

Coxy, Wynnster, W2 and FP – what exciting times, it really is useful to read your posts to get an idea of what to expect.

Love to all,
emsina x


----------



## ritzi

emsina - nice to see you back hun   where do you go from here? are you with a LA and your SW is looking for children for you? or with a VA where you look a lot yourself? 

wynnster - bless you worrying about your littlie - hopefully they would have got the blood with not too much bother   

well we feel a bit   following our meeting with SW - we do not think that either of the 2 CPRs will be suitable - and dh thinks she told us about them just to make the situation look/feel better   we asked about the lack of enquiries and she said that the admin team should have made them while she was on annual leave   so there we go.......not a lot going on 

hello to my fellow approved and waiting buddies 

ritz


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Hi all,

The Matching meeting for our little one has been brought forward only by one day, so we will find out on the 12th which couple they will follow to matching panel. We are both finding it very hard not to fall for this little one as he is a stunning baby boy.

Hope everybody is ok

Cheese x


----------



## saphy75

Cheese i've got everything crossed for you both      i can't help thinking this playing couples off against each other is very cruel, why can they not choose from your form f (or whatever it's called now)  then meet you to see if you are the right match   i know this was the way it was done for us otherwise i'd of gone round the bend  

any way sending you loads of                   for the 12th

pam xx


----------



## coxy

Best of luck Jon, you and dw deserve some good news,  will keep my fingers crossed for you.
   

i agree with saphy, think this competitive matching is very very unfair.

Julia


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Your right it is mind bending, lol although my mind has been like that for many years anyway, lol.

But then we have to wait for matching panel, OMG!!!


----------



## sjm78

Hi everyone
Ritzi glad your meeting went ok. Know what you mean about seeing cprs to make you feel better. Our sw once sent an email saying there was lots of interest if the children we were interested in didnt happen. When i rang to ask about the interest he back tracked it was obviously to keep us quiet.
Cheshire Cheese wishing you lots of look for the 12th competative matching is hard. Luckily our la doesnt do competative matching and i told our sw i didnt want this as think i would go mad waiting for the answers.
We have sws and 2 fcs(children in sep placements) coming to see us and answer any questions we have about the children on the 26th aug. This mean i will be a clean freak by the time the day arrives.Matching panel is not till oct and already panicing they will say no will be a complete basketcase by then.
Sarah


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi to all,

I have at long last got round to reading the whole of this thread.  It is so nice to know that we are not the only ones who feel let down by our SW.  Since we started this process in Nov 06, an open evening with LA, we are now on our 3rd SW.  We lost the first one as we were deferred, 1st panel date was Sep 07, so the LA thought we should have another SW go through the work that had to be done.  2nd Panel date was set for end of Nov 07 which thankfully we passed and once this had happened we were told that we were going to back to our original SW only to be told a couple of weeks later that this was no long the case.  Here comes SW no 3.  She is a really nice lady but I feel she is only taking us on as she was told to.  Her normal day to day job is finding out back ground information about children to pass on to potential adopters and she works part time.  She only has one other couple to look after.  

She has given me her mobile number incase i need to talk but please dont phone her in the middle of the night as her DH would not be happy. 

I emailed her last week to see if there was any news to be told that she was on sick leave and had been for 3 weeks.  She will be back to work next monday, but if she is off on the sick who is fighting our corner when potential children come through the door?

Also we were told at Panel that we had been approved but the LA Decision Maker had other ideas and it tool them near 1 1/2 months to tell us this.  Everytime we ask SW where our confirmation letter was we were told everything is ok but as SS were moving locations it will just take time.  Finally 6 weeks after panel somebody else phoned us to tell us the bad news.    

Well that is my moan for the night.

I hope nobody else has been treat this bad.  But if there is somebody who has then please be aware you are not alone.

ShazJohn x


----------



## wynnster

ShazJohn -   I think you need that    What an awful position you have been put in and no wonder you're feeling down by it all    We had a change in SW too so know how daunting the change over can be but to have to change twice   I really really hope you hear something soon, in the mean time i'm sure you're doing all the necessary yourselves in searching for your babies. Thinking of You  

W2 - October will be here before you know it, I can't believe we're only 3 weeks from panel already   Now frantically running round to get everything done 

CC - I can't believe they make people go through this competitive matching process, as if people haven't been through enough   Everything crossed for you  

Ritz - Did you hear anything back from the agencies you emailed your profile to? Can't believe you haven't been snapped up!! Fingers crossed for some positive news soon  

We heard from Littlies FC who said his blood test went as well as could be, he got upset and it took a few attempts but soon forgot all about it thanks to chocolate buttons  

Laine -  

Hello to my stalkers - You know who you are


----------



## emsina

Welcome ShazJohn, let’s hope things turn a corner for you  .  We experienced a couple of months with no allocated s/w and it did our heads in thinking there was no-one “fighting our corner”.  Turns out we were entirely wrong.  You never no what mysterious things are happening behind the scenes – not with our agency anyway!  Our new social worker is part time too, it hasn’t so far proved to be a problem.  Let’s hope your s/w comes back feeling well rested and a lot better after her sick leave.

Cheeses – all the best for Tuesday  .

Ritzi –we’re with an LA so relying on them to do the searching for first 6-9 months.

Happy weekend to all
emsina x


----------



## mumof2

Hi everyone, our computer died so I have been off line and now I am not recognised when I try and sign in under Friendlyperson so I have had to change my log in name but I am sure you will agree it is a good name  

ds2 is a little star most of the time.  We were approved to bring him home last Monday afternoon and each day he has settled more and more.  Last night though dh came to bed late at 3.20am so ds2 decided it was wake up time and refused to go back to sleep.  After 2 hours of 'controlled' crying (hugs, bottle etc) dh gave up and got up with him and took him downstairs so poor dh had barely any sleep.  We put ds2 down for his 30 min afternoon nap thinking he would sleep longer but no it was still half an hour    Oh the joys of parenthood    Got my parents coming to meet ds2 for the first time this afternoon and dh's parents tomorrow.

Hi to you all and please excuse not giving personals but feeling very tired today


----------



## sjm78

HI everyone
Mum of 2 good name. Glad everything is going well sounds like your having a great time other than lack of sleep.
No news for us other than fcs coming to see us on 26th. Our sw is now off again for 2 wekks so wont here anything more.Going to ask for a photo they can only say no so worth asking . Feels like a lifetime till oct i have never wished the time away like i am now.
Hope everyone is happy and healthy.
sarah


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Well the childs SW has asked a few questions before the matching this meeting on Tuesday, all couples must respond to this to help them to decided which family they will be going with.I must say this has been a very stressfull time and with both myself and DW working all weekend we feel we haven't put as much in as we normally would.
Our SW is impressed though and thinks the work will stand well in the meeting.

Here goes Tuesday, nothing much else we can do.

Cheese


----------



## ShazJohn

Cheeses

Good Luck for Tuesday.   



ShazJohn


----------



## popsi

i am a newbie.. just wanted to say good luck to cheese for tuesday xxx

looking forward to getting to know you all soon,


----------



## coxy

Best of luck Cheshire Cheese for tuesday.    

Julia


----------



## Lady Lucy

Good Luck Mr Cheese.


----------



## sjm78

Good luck for tomorrow cc will have my fingers crossed
Sarah


----------



## saphy75

Good luck tomorrow mr & mrs cheese, i've got everything crossed for you  

pam xx


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Ah, thanks everybody.

Here goes!!

A Baby bell cheese would be nice tomorrow, lol


----------



## carole

Good luck Mr and Mrs Cheese


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Ah thanks Carole.

Cant settle today. Its going to long day i can see it coming!!


----------



## BunBun

The very best of luck for today and I hope you don't have to wait too long for the answer.


----------



## wynnster

Best of Luck Mr & Mrs Cheese - Hears hoping for a mini baby bel  v  

Mumof2 - Love the new name   Hope your poor dh has caught up on his sleep, thats the thing i'm dreading - losing sleep as I love my sleep!!!!

Shazjohn - How are you?

Ritz - Any News?

Emsina - Have your LA said that you cannot search yourself for the first 9 months? 

Our Matching panel is 2 weeks away and already the nerves are setting in. Our littlies FC's are fantastic though and we get a new photo sent everyday   naughty but we're not complaining  

Hope everyone else is well and I'll keep checking in for Cheese's news  

xxxxx


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Still waiting!!!


----------



## carole




----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Gutted!!

Sadly he didn't come to us, we dont know anymore than that really not even if we were 2nd.

Cheese xx


----------



## carole

Mr and Mrs Cheese

So sorry that this time was not to be the one for you. Your family is out there waiting for the two of you. 

xxx


----------



## dawny36

Hi,

I just read your status on ******** but felt it more appropiate to post on here, I am very sorry to hear that you wasnt successfull the waiting must of been horrendous for yourself and Mrs cheese, I hope you get matched again very soon but in the meantime be kind to yourselves your time will come of that I am certain.

Take care

Dawny
x


----------



## wynnster

Gutted for you  

They should do away with these competitive matchings - They're horrid! 

Keep your pecker up


----------



## saphy75

Cheese i'm so sorry   sending you both    i hope the right match is just around the corner 

i agree that competitive is awfull and should be done away with


----------



## Mel

So sorry to read your news Mr and Mrs Cheese

Sending you a huge hug  

That special little one is out there waiting for you both.

Mel
x


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Must admit saphy75, not keen on it myself. Been like a cat on a hot tin roof today.
We put allot of work in over the weekend, which considering we were both working i thought we did very well

Never mind aye, maybe next time

Cheese xx


----------



## sjm78

So sorry cc i agree competative matching is wrong. 
Sarah


----------



## popsi

cheese and mrs cheese.. so sorry  , competititve matching is awful, does everyone do it ??


----------



## ShazJohn

To the cheeses

I am so sorry to hear your news.  

Hopefully your match is just round the corner.

ShazJohn


----------



## Anabelle

only just seen this

Cheese I am so sorry about the outcome 

 for you & Mrs Cheese

A
x


----------



## CAREbear1

How awful to read this. I'm so sorry. It just isn't fair sometimes. I hope its because somewhere waiting is a better match for you- but its hard to think like that now I'm sure.


----------



## saphy75

popsi no hun fortunately not everyone does competetive matching

pam xx


----------



## crusoe

I can only echo what the others have said - I am so sorry. Huge hugs to you both     

I'm sure your little person is just around the corner.

Lots of love
Crusoe
x


----------



## emsina

So sorry Cheeses  
I'm sure your hard work has paid off and got you noticed by the s/w team as a committed and motivated couple to be considered as a strong contender in the future.
Love emsina xx


----------



## mumof2

Very sorry Mr and Mrs Cheese - we got turned down for a little boy as well but we had decided that he wasn't the one for us so we were a little relieved that time.  We were first on the list to be "inspected and considered" for our little one who has just moved in a week ago.  If we were not suitable they had a long list of other couples who had expressed an interest.  Thankfully we were approved so somewhere other couples were let down over our littlie and it makes you feel a little guilty for their disappointment but their time will come.  I realise it is very hard when you feel a child is right for you as you begin to dream and plan so to be told "no" is almost a bereavement    Hope you won't have to wait too long for your special little cheese.  

Wynnster - not long now and I bet you can't wait   Lucky you getting a photo a day!  We only got 4 photos and a video which was taken away from us until after matching panel.  Ds2 is settling in very well and is an absolute delight but hard work as he wants to be entertained continually.  I managed to wake him up last night going in to check on him asleep in his cot, before I went to bed.    It took an hour to get him back to sleep again    Luckily he wasn't awake all night this time    It is my birthday today and ds2 is the best birthday present I could have.  Dh's 40th birthday in 10 days too.

Hi to everyone else.  Does anyone mind me still posting here as I guess I am no longer "approved and waiting"?


----------



## ShazJohn

Mumof2

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 

Hope it is a good one

ShazJohn x


----------



## emsina

Mumof2  MANY HAPPY RETURNS 
emsina x


----------



## mumof2

Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone - am sitting and scoffing birthday chocs as I type


----------



## Caz

Hey don't mind me butting in, just sending some  for Mr and Mrs Cheese. He obviously wasn't destined to be your child.  I strongly believe that these things work out for the best in the end and I know your hard work will have been noticed and you will find your child / children soon.

C~x


----------



## TraceyH

Hi

Mr and Mrs Cheese - Sorry about your news.  Hopefully your little one is just around the corner.  What an unfair way of doing things.

Mumof2 - Happy Birthday, enjoy the cake.

Tracey x


----------



## Boomy

So sorry to hear your news Cheese,    but as the others have said, everything happens for a reason, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.  

Take care of each other.  

Love Boomy xx


----------



## coxy

so sorry Mr and Mrs Cheese  

competitive matching is horrible and i dont understand why they still insist on using it. 

Julia x


----------



## Old Timer

So sorry Mr & Mrs Cheese, hope you don't have long to wait for your family.

FP - Belated Birthday Wishes, hope you had a lovely day.

W2, not long to go.

Love
OT x


----------



## BunBun

So sorry to hear yor news Mr & Mrs Cheese, hope you don't have to wait long for your family.


----------



## Nefe

Hello

Hope you don't mind me gatecrashing, i was wondering whether i could join you??

We were approved on wednesday to adopt and would love to be able to join in and talk to you lovely people.

Nefe
xx


----------



## wynnster

No     Sorry couldn't resist   

Of course hunny, told you you'd be here before you knew it  

Hoping your wait is a short one.  

We're feeling so very lucky this week.  Our cherub is on holiday with his fc's and everyday we receive new photo's of whats he's been doing and little messages for Mummy & Daddy   12 Days until panel


----------



## Nefe

LOL!!

I can't believe i am on this section, it still seems very surreal and we have been celebrating since    

How lovely that you are receiving new photos whilst they are away and finsikng out what they are up to.

Gosh Panel in 12 days... How exciting   

Nefe
x


----------



## ritzi

hello all

i have updated the list on page 1  

nefe - welcome hun....

wynnster - 11 days to go   how sweet with the growing collection of photos  

mumof2 - happy belated birthday for you - and birthday wishes for dh   thats some present!

cheeses - so sorry to hear your news   being turned down is very hard - but from experience i know you will bounce back  

i hope everyone else is doing ok.......any news anyone  

well our news is always up and down mostly depending on whether our SW is keeping in touch or not    - anyone else have the same problem? we're trying to enquire about some kiddies from BMP but cannot get hold of our SW to see if it has been done  
still not seen the CPRs she said she had back on the 7th aug   

oh well lets see what this week brings!m

Ritz


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

Hope you hear something positive soon Ritz  

Anyone who is approved however desnt get BMP can you PM me


----------



## ritzi

wynnster - i have PM'd you   (blame coxy   ) 

Ritz


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi, I have a bmp and also children who wait magazine for August I am happy to forward if anyone who is approved and doesn't already get it would like?  Let me know


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi Guys,

Sorry to interupt but need to vent:

DH and myself have been approved since Nov 07 and I have just had dear SW on the phone asking question on our Form F that seem to be unclear.  Why were we approved if the information on our Form F is unclear.

Think for the last 8 months our Form F has been in the bottom of a draw.

Sometimes I wish we had gone with a different LA as this one seems to be doing nothing.

Well end of vent.

Hope everybody is ok and getting some good news.

ShazJohn x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi ShazJohn, sw eh    I often felt our sw was doing nothing for us hence our 1 year and 11 months wait to be matched    At least you know that your sw is looking at your file now and considering you for potential links coming in


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi Mummyof2

It is nice to know she is looking at it now but what has she been doing since Jan 08 when we were assigned to her.  

As you say at least she is looking at it now so hopefully not to long await for some news.

Also I thought that when you are approved you are just approved to adopt and not for a number of children as she seems to think that we are approved for one child and not more?

My mind is all over the place but once I get home and talk to DH I am sure he will calm me down.  He is good at that.  He is my sensible head, he makes everything seem not so bad.  What a god send.

ShazJohn xx


----------



## wynnster

Hi Shazjohn 

   Really hope you hear something soon... the waiting is mind numbing!
It is good you have such a lovely DH to share your emotions with.

After approval our agency admitted to us that yes our form would go to the back of the pile! Obviously when a child comes through they will check peoples acceptances etc with approved adopters but if there is more than one couple then they would tend to go with who has been approved longest    

No way we could sit and wait to be at the front of the pile, hence we went a searching ourselves.  It maybe your SW's job but at the end of the day it doesn't mean as much to them as it does to you, you have more drive and determination to want to find your babies  

I know i do keep banging on about it but i really would recommend being pro-active and attempt to get your profile out there yourselves.

Wishing you all the best


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi ShazJohn, at panel we were approved for one child of either sex aged 0-3.  We were told that if we wanted to alter that we could but would need panel approval.  Not sure if it has changed or not in the last 2 years since we went to approval panel.  We were also told that we went to the bottom of the pile after panel but were still looked at as children came through the system but priority was given to those who had been waiting the longest.  After a year we were told we were now at the top of the pile but it still took another 11 months on top of that which was strange as if we were top of the pile how come we got overlooked so often    Apparently it was all down to where we lived - too close to birth parents/family in most cases as it has to be 10 miles away at least.  I agree with Wynnster - get yourself out there and known.  Someone kindly posted a list of all the contacts to write to on here recently so do a search for that.  Keep your profile to one A4 side and include a smiley photo of you and dh and follow up with a phone call.  The most important thing is to specify what sort of child you want and what disabilities you could accept ie I put we were approved for one child of either sex aged 0-3 and wanted a child with minimal emotional/physical problems so I was not saying no problems, just minimal so that opened up various children to us.  As it turned out ds2 has no emotional/physical problems whatsoever (so far) and those children are few and far between in adoption as we know so we have been very lucky.


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hey Ladies

Shazjohn-I know at the mo you have alot going on so for N to ring and ask you those questions it will seem like a kick in the teeth as if she hasnt been looking for your baby however it MAY be that a little ones SW or a family finder has asked for mo info!(i rteally hope i am right) 

I am honestly shocked that some of you ladies have been put to the bottom of the pile to match children to the adopters waiting the longest.the thing is this is a children service and its the children that need the right family and not just a family that will fit as they have waited the longest, our 2 are OUR children-they look like us and other little ones within the family (which is scary as their SW choose us withoutseeing our pics) their history isnt a big scary one however its one we can help them with when the time comes(like the bleak ones you get told about on prep)

xxxx


----------



## ritzi

OMG - i cannot believe that the 'bottom of the pile' thing is true    thankfully that was not the case for us - partly i think cos we are with a VA anyways....

we too would have to go back to panel if we wanted our approval changed - currently we are approved for 1-2 aged 0-8. anything outside of that we would have to go back and get 're-approved'  

our CPRs are now starting to come through   but that too isn't always easy!

hoping everyone is ok  

ritzi


----------



## sjm78

Hi everyone
Hope everyone is ok i am in flatpack hell putting up some furniture ahh. I am also a cleaning nut this weekend as we have little ones fcs and sw coming over on tuesday to answer any questions we have and tell us more about the children.Also doing lunch for everyone and worrying i will not make what they like. Thing i will have to make a cake everyone likes cake.
Ritzi hope these cprs bring you your children. I know what you mean about names only 1 of the children we are going for has a name i would of chosen. I don't dislike the other just wouldn't of been my choice but after seeing photos and dvd i couldn't imagine them as anything else. I do know a lady whos adopted daughter is known by her middle name and trust me we would all feel the same about her birth name.
Wynnster looking forward to hearing your good news on wed got everything crossed keep us posted sure you will have some celebrating to do. I don't blame you for being teary talking to your DS i am dreading being a blubbering wreck when it's our time for intros.
Mummy of 2 sounds like you are all having a great time and the best birthdays with your 2 Dss.
Hi to everyone else sorry not the gratest at personals.
Back off to my flatpack hell and obsessive cleaning .
Sarah


----------



## ritzi

hello all

W2 - thinking of you today with childrens SW    hope the cake went down ok  

wynnster - i said on the other thread but special thoughts   for tomorrow  

well - we are finding that CPRs are like buses - we are pondering the sibling group and now another CPR is due from an enquiry we made on auguest 4th!  so we can but see  

sending love to everyone else  

ritz


----------



## superal

Good luck Ritz - - - - - I'm sure your family is amongst all those forms!!
Love
Andrea
x


----------



## sjm78

Hi
Just thought i would let you all know today went really well. Both fcs are lovely and think they would make any effort they can to help us. Told us loads about the kids and we feel they would suit us down to the ground and again saw the photos and dvd they are the most gourgeous children and all sound like they have great personalitys.We have now been given a panel date of the 21st of october which just seems ages away and i am terrified that they will say no.
Sarah


----------



## wynnster

Hi W2

Great to hear things went well today and that you have a date to look to    That will be here before you know it!! and i'm sure you have Plenty to do between now and then   
Perfectly normal to feel terrified - So do I!!

Did you get to keep any pics of the children?


----------



## ShazJohn

Wow W2,

This is great news.  Glad things are going well for you.  Before you know it 21 Oct will be here.

Shazjohn x


----------



## sjm78

Hi Wynnster
No didn't get to keep any photos the childrens sw is quite pc. Wishing you every luck for tommorrow.
Sarah


----------



## Mummyof2

W2 - all sounding wonderful.  We didn't get to keep any photos either until after approval at panel.  Roll on October 21  

Wynnster - good luck for tomorrow - bet you can't wait


----------



## coxy

W2 - dont worry, the time will fly!

Wynnster- thinking of you today.

Julia x


----------



## ritzi

hello all

wynnster -   for today

w2 - it does seem far away but it will fly - enjoy the only peace you're gonna get for the next 18+ years     

coxy -  

well our news   it seems our SW has been telling fibbies again - she has told us that she made enquiries before she went away - but when i called today for an update no-one seems to know who i am   so i've now had to do all the enquiries from august's magazines that should have been made already   oh i'm so cross  

we've got 2 CPRs on our desk now - but are waiting for SW to return and to see the other CPRs before we run with any of them   

how is everyone else? quiet at the mo  

Ritz


----------



## ShazJohn

Ritzi,

So sorry to hear that your SW is messing you around.  Hopefully when SW gets back you can get back on track and put a rocket where it needs to be placed.  Hope one of the waiting CPRs is your new family members

  To your SW

Shazjohn x


----------



## Mummyof2

Ritzi - how annoying but sounds just like my sw.    to you. I've got a bit quiet on here as that I am perpetually chasing my tail here looking after ds1 and ds2.  Only just managed to get on computer while ds2 is having his afternoon nap.  He is great but you don't get a minute to yourself.   Not complaining though


----------



## wynnster

How frustrating Ritz   deep breaths! You will forget this horrid limbo stage honestly


----------



## CAREbear1

Hello everyone

Still here .......... and waiting!  
Had a 'moment' where I wondered does anyone just wait and wait and never get matched? I don't mind an indefinite wait, but it just crept into my head that maybe after all the years of Tx that this could be another time when it might actually never happen? Am I being silly or do I need to prepare for this possibility?
On a brighter note- Lovely to hear when matches do happen. Wynnster- loved the Its a Boy balloon idea. Will remember that
Amanda


----------



## superal

Amanda your not being silly, ideas like this will creep into your head but that doesn't make you silly! 

Look at Mumof2 & the wait she had BUT she has her forever number 2 son now and couldn't be happier.

Some times it does take longer for some than others to be matched BUT that doesn't mean you won't be matched and your family might not even have been born yet?

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## Mummyof2

Amanda - we were 3.5 years going down the adoption path in total and it was 1 year and 11 months after approval that we finally got matched with our son.  He is 18 months old now so wasn't born when we began adoption, as Andrea has said.  On Adoption UK there are some people who have been waiting over 5 years    Your time will come ....... eventually


----------



## ritzi

Poor me post  

i'm struggling - not sure which of you read which boards but there is too much going on for me at the mo   with my personal and work life - so much so that i am going away for a couple of days to my friends just to have a break..........

our SW is back this week so we have to discuss with her the lack of enquiries she told us she had made......
we have 2 CPRs on our desk and we cannot decide which we prefer
and we are waiting for a CPR of a sibling group - and each time we speak to their SW i get more excited about them.....

the problem is i do not wish to put all our eggs in one basket (been there felt the heartbreak).....so what do i do? 
one SW needs our opinion this week as they are meeting to decide which families to visit - if we want to be in with a chance i have to let her know if we are interested
the other group our SW loves.....and thinks they are 'the ones' - we feel they are great too 
and the other group we love from their profile but have not seen the CPR yet and they have some problems (the other two have none) 

aaaaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh - what should i do? 

anyone else been in this position? 

ritz


----------



## CAREbear1

Thank you for your replies Andrea and Mumof2- it helps  
Thats the thing isn't it? It doesn't matter how long it takes to find the perfect match, it'll be worth it when it happens.
Ritzy- sorry to hear you are having problems, hope it is all resolved soon  
Amanda


----------



## Nefe

Ritzi- So sorry you are having issues hun and hope they get resolved soon (HUG)

We have a possible match and we meet our SW's this week, we are really looking forward to it, we have little ones CPR and have read this, and read it and we cannot wait for the meeting.

A question though?? Has anyone ever had an issue with FC wanting to adopt the little one and them being told that they do not want to assess them to adopt them?

Nefe
xx


----------



## superal

carebear - Amanda ........YES thats the thing with adoption, you just don't know when BUT you do know the out come will be so worth while and the wait will hopefully be forgotten.

Ritz - sending you a hug, sounds as though you need one & a lot of support at them moment  

Nefe - never had to go through intros, knowing that the FC wanted to adopt the little one but not approved to do so but I'm sure some one has on these boards.  Maybe do a search and see what it brings up or post a new thread, if you haven't done it already!!
love
Andrea
x


----------



## Mummyof2

Had our one month review today and all went well.  We can submit our papers to court in the middle of October to legally adopt ds2  

Nefe - our son's fc said she would have definitely adopted him if she was younger.  She wants to keep in touch and meet up every 6 months or more as she loves him so much   Can't see us doing that though in reality as we're not keen on that regular amount of contact with her as we just want to move on with our lives as a family without constant reminders of when he was in the care system.

Ritzi - why not write down a list of fors and against for each set of children.  Sounds horrible but you need to harden your heart and be objective at this stage.  Who does dh say is his preference?  Personally I would go with the siblings that have no problems as it would make your life easier - sounding brutal but you need to think what you can and cannot cope with and not be rose tinted about your life with those children.  It is hard being a parent without any additional problems in my opinion.  But to clarify things in your mind can you ask for more information regarding the problems to help you decide how to proceed?  My sw said that we could consider 3 lots of cprs at the same time but once we had said yes to one, then we needed to forget all the others and concentrate on that one.  Hugs to you for all the worrying


----------



## emsina

Ritzi sweetheart  
So hope your problem gets resolved soon, especialy if it's some crxxpy thing to do with work  .
Good idea taking some time out.
Thinking of you,
emsina xx


----------



## ritzi

thanks for the support guys  

i got away for a few days - sheer bliss - now i am back and feel up to life again........(just about   )

thinking of you all - and will post more when i have some time to think!

Ritz


----------



## ritzi

hello where is everyone?  

mummyof 2 - great news on your review - and soon you'll be legal too   wonderful.  thanks for your CPR advice  

emsina - how are things for you since your decision to turn down a match?   anything on the horizon? 

superal - thanks for the much needed hug - always helps to know others have been here too and now you have your children  

nefe - great news on the possible match - when is the SW visiting? exciting times 

carebear - hoping that your kiddies are just around the corner. i think we were approved around the same time - its frustrating isn't it but we will get there  

wynnster - is tomorrow the big day? have a wonderful time meeting ds and don't forget to tell us all about him  

shazjohn - any spare rockets i could have   what is happening for you hun?

w2 - i know you are  sat around waiting for panel so big hugs   and some good wishes too   

coxy - tuesday!!!!!!!   and   that you cope with your SW in the car for 6 hours  

hello to anyone i missed   i do try promise  

we now have 5 sets of children on our list   we did go down to 4 last week as we had a 'no' from one sibling group - but then a LA contacted our SW about an individual child they think we may like   SW coming tomorrow to discuss them all  

its funny how each LA does things differently - we have some CPRs right at the beginning but then hear a no when they read our form f - other CPRs come only if they like your form f - and 1 will only come if we are shortlisted for a visit. being in a VA its quite interesting to see how each LA does it - not sure which method i prefer though   its nice to see the CPRs but a pointless exercise to read it all and then the following week hear it is a no! 
the children who are top of our list won't get the CPR unless we are visited - then you think 'oh gawd what is there to hide!' can't win really  

ritz


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

ritz

My heart goes out to you. I have been reading your posts for a while now and i really feel for you both,
It sounds like all as you need is straight answers from your SW, although i do feel that good news is just around the corner for you.
Hang on in their hun

Cheese xx


----------



## sjm78

Wynnster
Thinking of you starting your intros today. keep us posted with all your great news.
Hi everyone else still reading and keeping fingers crossed for everyone.
Ritzi Its hard with so many cprs we got about 6 profiles at once and it was confusing. Think about each and every one and go with your gut feelings. 
Sarah


----------



## ShazJohn

Ritiz,

I have enough rockets for all  

We have got SW visiting at 1.30 today.  Not sure what she is coming for as last chat I had with her she was still unsure about our Form F.  Only got approved last Nov.  DH and I are trying not to get our hopes up that she will be coming with information about a little one for us but it is so hard not to when it is a visit that has come out of the blue.

ShazJohn xx


----------



## EML

Dear Girls
All of this waiting is so frustrating, isn't it?
We got details about a possible match about a month ago and were told that the SWs were short-listing potential families last week – well, we've just heard that we've made the short-list (I'm soooo excited, this is further than we've got before with possible matches)! Now I don't know what to expect. They are coming to visit 'in the near future' – we've emptied the littlies room, but it is such a blank canvas I don't think they'll be impressed as it looks a bit bleak! Are we supposed to have things in place (safety measures etc)? We got all of the boxes ticked on our H&S form but at the time our SW said 'you'll need to do a couple of things, but you know what they are'! We don't! Any advice would be greatfully received as I'm now in panic-mode!
Love and good luck to all
Elaine


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi EML, congratulations on being shortlisted.  No you don't need to have safety measures in place yet.  You do need to create a space so that sw can see the child at your house ie hang some children's curtains in spare room and add some teddies or children's toys on the floor (you can get them from charity shop if you don't want to buy for real at this stage).  Just make the sw feel you are ready and waiting and semi-prepared for the child moving in.  Also prepare some A4 sheets on child friendly places nearby and make a little booklet.  Good luck.


----------



## emsina

Mummyof2 - belated congrats on your 1 month review.

EML - it's great to be shortlisted.

Ritz did you have your meeting with s/w to discuss all the chidren you're interested in?

Nothing exciting happening here, but did go to our post approval group and team s/ws still on talking terms with us which is such a relief.  Paranoid they wouldn't want to know us after turning down their link!

Good luck to all,
emsina x


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## ritzi

hello  

emsina - glad the sw are talking to you hun   i dare say they think no differently of you . the children have to be right for it all to work out well.

EML - well done on shortlisting hun. any ideas when they will visit as yet?  sorry no idea about what the rooms should look like    mummyof2 has been there done it so take her advice  

shazjohn - what did your sw want with the visit? any news  

wynnster - thinking of you hun and your ds   has he worn his T-shirt yet?  

cheese - thanks for the kind words. my SW is a bit   and tells few fibbies i'm afraid.   its frustrating. any leads for you of late?  

coxy - well done on matching hun   monday will come soon enough  

well........our updates our confusing i know but here it is:
2 sibling groups we are shortlisted for - but that only means they requested our form f. we are waiting to hear if they like our form f. our SW has a 'they must contact us' type policy so gawd knows if anything will happen. we have yet to see the CPR for these groups so they might not even be suitable. seems a strange system 
2 sibling groups we like their CPR, they like our Form F (same LA) so we are waiting to hear if either/or both want to visit us   there are other families being considered for both groups - and we live 5 hours away so we'll see  
the local LA child is a little boy   His SW saw our Form f sitting around the office - read it and liked it - contacted our SW to see if we'd consider his profile (its an individual child and we wanted 2). we said YES so we'll get the CPR at some point and see what happens. feels good to know they already like us  

hoping for some news soon  

hello to everyone else, Ritz


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## emsina

Sounds promising Ritz


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## ShazJohn

Ritzi,

That is really good news.  Fingers crossed for you. 

When our social worker came she only wanted to update our profile.  I have told her I dont want to have the 1 year waiting visit from the SW, which will be end of Nov begining of Dec, but she just keeps laughing at me.

She also informed us that she is on holiday from 8 Oct until 3 Nov.  Guess nothing will get done during that tme.

ShazJohn x


----------



## CAREbear1

Hello to our waiting and frustrated little group. But we know it will be worth all the waiting when it does happen. Ritzi- keeping my fingers gor some of your possibles to come to fruition.
Winster- I agree, I want to hear the good news stories and news.
Is it usual to sometimes not hear back at all from social workers? I have emailed about 2 different children in CWW and haven't had a reply to my emails. Even if its no thanks, it would be courteous to reply! Is it best to phone rather than email? What do others of you do when responding to CWW profiles?
Thanks
Amanda


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## ritzi

carebear - i'm afraid that is completely normal   what i normally do is say clearly in the email - i will follow up with a phonecall later this week - and normally call 3 days later   
more than half of my enquiries have responded to an email - but they do need chasing even after that!  
i always think a phonecall is good as they get to hear your voice and you them - and i've sometimes found out 'oh they are no longer available - or we have a family already' that way.......i've also discovered they may be off sick or on leave so i ask for the date they are back and phone back then.............Gosh that makes me sound so intense!   

you are right though - a quick yes we are - or no we are not interested would be courteous  

no news for us yet - thanks for the best wishes  

 all round

ritz


----------



## Mummyof2

Amanda - I often had no reply to emails and letters I sent to sws, either through cww or bmp or other organisations - it was the exception when they did reply   I found it very annoying to be treated like that but didn't have the courage to chase   When I moaned to my sw about it, she told me that she is so busy that she doesn't reply either if children are linked or couples are linked (if other sw's enquirying).  She said there is national shortage of sw and they are all extremely busy  

ShazJohn - As I understand it you have to have the annual post panel approval assessment whether you want it or not as it is part of the best practice system that LAs adhere to.  We had ours about 14 months after panel and had to have the GP medical again.  Luckily our LA paid for it the second time - first time round we had to pay and it was £70 each    You get an independent sw who comes to your home and "interviews" you.  It's not your sw as they are not classed as objective enough to be independent.  We found it quite useful to see someone else and asked lots of questions (to check that our sw was doing her best for us) about things that "bugged" us    We also felt we could moan more with someone new    Please check when your crbs expire (and renew them if necessary) as ours had expired by the time we were due to go to matching panel so we had another 2 months delay


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## Nefe

Hi Guys

Sorry i have not posted for a while on approved and waiting. You may have seen one of my posts about FC wanting to adopt littlie that we have been linked to.

Has anyone known of this before? and if SS don't want to go ahead with FC do they have a case to go to court?

Nefe
xx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Nefe, I replied to you on your post about fc wanting to adopt.  To add to that on our preparation course was a fc who was hoping to adopt the little boy she was fostering.  Don't know the outcome for her.  From the child's point of view it means more stability for them to stay with the foster carer but must be very upsetting for you.  Wouldn't you think that these things would be sorted out before you were told that you are linked with this child    Poor you    The fc that my little boy had had already adopted 3 children they had fostered plus had some birth children of their own.  She said she would have liked to have adopted my little boy but was too old now (thank goodness as our littlie is just great for us).

Well done on the weight loss btw


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## ritzi

sorry been awol for a few days - my bestest friend passed away on friday so we have been dealing with that and adoption has taken a back seat  

no news for us really - we have 4 links but still waiting to hear if any of them will go further   its taking ages  

how are you all?

ritz.


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## crazybabe

Hi Ritzi

So sorry to hear about your best friend passing away, hope your ok.

I'm sure you will hear something soon as to news of the 4 links.

Can I ask did you have a mid point review with your SW towards the end of your H/S we got our's the end of this week.

Take care

crazybabe


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## popsi

just wanted to say Ritzi i am so sorry for the sad loss of your best friend, its devistating dealing with something like this   take care thinking of you


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## Mummyof2

Hi Ritzi, v sorry to hear about your best friend    Was it expected or sudden?  Hope you hear something back from the 4 potential links soon


----------



## superal

Hi Ritzi- sorry for the sad loss of your good friend. Am i right in thinking you posted a while back that she had cancer?  The reason I ask is because I also last year heard the same news about my close friend BUT thankfully my friend has had the all clear for now, every so often she gos back for check ups and she lives each day to the full.  I'm sure your friend did to and she was lucky to have you as a good friend who has helped her through so many hard times........I hope she finds peace at last, I'm not a religious person BUT do feel they do find peace, I hope she has.

Hugs to you.

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## emsina

Ritzi, sorry to hear about your friend  
emsina x


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## ritzi

dear all - thank you for your condolences......  

Rhian died on friday after being diagnosed with ovarian cancer last May when undergoing a lap & dye to see why she wasn't able to fall pregnant  

she had surgery, radiotherapy and chemo but in the last few months the cancer spread to her liver. she was very brave and fought hard......but it was not to be. 

She was my bestest friend in the whole world - and we finally say goodbye next tuesday - i don't think i will get through the funeral knowing what we had is now gone  

She was so excited about our adoption - and always always asked how things were. She was one of lifes true friends.

we are yet to hear about any of our links but are hopeful that we may be chosen this time   

ritz.


----------



## crusoe

Ritzi - I'm at a  loss at what to say but I just wanted to send you a hug.



Crusoe
xx


----------



## superal

Ritzi - you will get through the funeral, it's hard to imagine it but you will.  I have had to go to a few funerals in my time where I think how the heck will I get through it all.  The worse one apart from having to say goodbye to my Dad and other close family members was saying goodbye to a 6 day old baby.

Your friend fought a hard battle and she knows your love and support helped her.  She will be smiling down on you when you get to find out about your family........that will happen & I'm sure one of these links will be the one or two or three!!

Stay strong, have a cry when you want to, don't hold it in and remember the good times.

Sending you a huge hug! 

Andrea
x


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## ritzi

feel free to browse

http://www.justgiving.com/stephenvickers

ritzi

/lniks


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## popsi

ritzi.. you will get though it your friend will be looking down on you giving you the strength to carry on, and remember you now have an adult angel looking down for you and i am sure that if its at all possible she will make sure you have the family you so want and deserve very soon


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## Cheshire Cheese

ritzi,

I am so sorry to read about this brave lady and your friend.

Life can be so cruel sometimes. and to lose one of lifes true friends must be even harder as they are very few and far between.

Rest in Peace Rhian and god bless your friends and family at this sad time.

Jon xxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Ritzi - Everyone else has said it all so I will just add a huge   and    to you and dh during this dreadful time.


----------



## ShazJohn

Ritzi,

Massive     to you and your DH at this time.

ShazJohn


----------



## ritzi

thanks everyone  

how are you all?

no adoption news here   will call SW friday if i dont' hear anything soon - how can it take so long for 1 phonecall to happen?  

ritz


----------



## CAREbear1

Hi Ritz- Just wanted to send you a massive hug, have posted on that other thread.

Its tough when phone calls and emails aren't answered. I followed the tip a few of you told me and phoned the SW of the little baby girl in CWW. She said she was in the process of emailing everyone, and had been heartened by the response as no-one in that area had been prepared to take on her 'problems'. So I was glad I phoned as I had got an answer and it was nice to know that even though it isn't me this time, that the little girl will have a family soon.
Haven't had as much luck with my own social worker as her phone just keeps ringing out and she still hasn't replied to the email :-( I don't want to be a nag- but I want a baby to love and bring up and start my next chapter. Just have to keep focussed that one day I will post on here to say..... they have arrived  
Love to everyone
xxx


----------



## ritzi

carebear

keep your pecker up lovey  
one of the most frustrating aspects of this journey is that people don't communicate in the way one would want   keep trying to contact the SW's - they do need to be pushed in my experience  

and take heart that we are all going through this together  

no news for us really - and we go away this week so we plan to call our SW next week and have a 'review chat'  

this thread is quiet at the minute - how is everyone? 

ritz


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Ritzi

How are you, sorry you haven't had any news yet, These SW's aren't very quick at communicating are they, hope you have a nice break away - where are you going, we had our mid point review last week and both SW's were very impressed with our progress so far, they were also very impressed with our competency folder which is now completed, in fact they took away with them last week as we were told we have done enough I don't want to sound big headed, but a lot of hard work and time went into that  we were also informed that we should be going to panel in January as the November panel is fully booked  , we can't wait to be parents after waiting so long, we only got 2/3 visits left now with our H/S, then it;s just another waiting game.  

Good luck with your journey Ritzi

speak soon

crazybabe


----------



## ritzi

We heard today it was a no from both sibling groups in the same LA   one emailed us to say they did really like us but went with another couple (who we knew was also in the frame) the other let our SW know by email today but no reason given. 

SW just phoned us to see if we're okay (bless she is a sweetie really   ). The other 2 groups are still in the frame and our SW has both the CPRs. To save us heartache we have said we will not read them unless we are chosen as we trust our SW to know if they would be a good match - we agree every time so that's good. 

glad CB things are going well for you

how is everyone else?

ritzi


----------



## carole

ritzi

Just wanted to send you a cyberhug.


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Ritzi -   to you and   that one of the next 2 will be the ones for you.


----------



## ritzi

thanks ladies 

the SW for one group today who did not give a reason phoned this morning and she said they went back to court and decided that as the children are thriving with different FC they are now placing individually   how very sad for the children. they felt that my dh experiences of being a LAC made us too vulnerable to parent these children as their needs are so complex. as the 'strongest' family they were considering we still weren't good enough - what a shame they didn't realise that before  shortlisting us      now those children will always live separately which i think is a real shame  

so we shall see what other news comes our way  

ritzi


----------



## emsina

At least you're getting answers ritzi.  No news here I'm afraid.

Crazybabe, well done for nearing panel, it's great when s/ws acknowledge your hard work.

emsina x


----------



## ritzi

where is everyone?  

emsina   i know the feeling hun

mummyof2 - hoping all is well with you and your ds's   

carebear1 - any news of the little girl? has your sw got in touch?

cheshire cheese - when are you off to panel?  

nefe - any news of your littlie? has the FC backed off now?  

coxy - huge         as poppet moves in with you!  

w2 - how are the preparations coming along for your little ones?       

wynnster - sending you hugs and support as you deal with the loss of your little munchkin  

hi to everyone else  

still no news here   we are waiting to hear of the sibling group of 2 who we are shortlisted for - they should let us know this week if we are to be visited. There are 4 families being considered and i'm guessing it will be a no for us   no news either of the single little one - i've been so surprised how long this whole thing has taken. we have a adoption exchange day this week so we will meet the litte one's SW then and hope maybe for some news that they may visit us    anyone else been to an exchange day? we're quite nervous about it. dh and I are both very shy on meeting new people so worry we come across as 'distant'. we shall see though  

ritzi


----------



## EML

Dear Girls
Yes, it has been quiet on here recently... 
Well, I'm in panic-mode! We've been shortlisted and (thanks to the wonderful advice from you all) we've got the house (mostly) ready! Child-friendly bedroom done on a budget (the charity shop idea was pure genius!) and all - but we've just heard today that the littlies SW is coming around to visit TOMORROW! We had a 'run through' with our SW yesterday (before we'd heard about this) but she has taken the profile away to study it herself and now I don't know now what questions we're going to ask! Have you any suggestions about how I can prepare for this? You've always given me such good advice in the past.
Good luck to all (and Ritzi, good luck on the Exchange Day...but don't do what we did and turn up at the time we'd been told to [about 2.30] just when all of the SWs had gone home and everything was nearly all packed away! Get there early so you'll have a chance to speak to the littlies SWs).
Love to all
Elaine


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Hi Ritzi.

We go to panel on the 7th of October, and we are counting those days down.

We met up with the medical advisor today to chat about Babybel, we are happy with everything and we were meant to meet with FC but she had to cancel at the last minute.

The clock is ticking

Ritzi, hope you are on this path very soon!!!

Cheese


----------



## ritzi

hi all

we were not chosen for either of the 2 remaining groups  
1 went back to court due to issues that arose recently with one child and the children will now be placed separately 
the others we came 2nd - and just lost out to a couple with more experience of babies   

we await news of the single littlie who is local to us - we will be meeting their SW tomorrow at the exchange day  

we have now told our SW after tomorrow we will do no more - and she will have to find our children for us   

cheeses - great news on the progress with babybel 

EML - good luck!!!!!   hoping it goes ok today. thanks for the advice re exchange days - we have the first slot at 3pm  

ritzi


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Ritzi

I'm sorry you weren't chosen for the 2 remaining groups hopefully fingers crossed the single littlie who is local to you will be yours - Good luck with the meeting with their SW tomorrow at the exchange day.

I will be thinking of you    

Our last home study visit today got cancelled as our SW had family issues, she will ring to re-book tomorrow, bless her, we are really lucky to have such a lovely SW though.

Good Luck

crazybabe
xxx


----------



## Nefe

Hiya All

Sorry not been on for a while have been on holiday. Sorry for the me post,

Ritzi- Thanks for checking on me. 

The FC has not backed off yet and they have now got a solicitor, things are very much up in the air and things are delayed, matching panel had to be cancelled so we are very upset 

Has anyone had this happen to them before or know of this happening?

Nefe
x


----------



## sjm78

Hi everyone
Sorry not been around had a really nasty bug and also very busy with paperwork for panel. There is lots of work to do because we have to show everyone how we can manage with 4 children. We are enjoying preparing and boy ther is lots of it. Can't quite believe we are so close to panel. The plan for intros is to meet the youngest and bring her home for a week then take her to intros for the older 3 with us.
Ritzi if you can go to an exchange day i would def go our cildren were spotted at an exchange day by our sw. He also found a few other profiles that were suitable. Good luck with the search it must be getting very frustrating for you   .
Cheshire Cheese wishing you the best of luck for panel . Keep us posted.
sarah


----------



## emsina

Hi everyone, I’m freezing here today!  

Ritzi, how was your exchange day, did you speak to single littlie’s s/w?

Nefe, there you are, thought you’d fallen off the planet.  So hope you managed to enjoy your holiday.  No personal experience but we were told it can sometimes happen, on our Prep Course. Thinking of you and hoping for a good outcome. 

Hi W2, don’t go getting buried under all that paper work, glad it’s going well.

EML – how did your meeting go, when will you know?

Cheeses – panel next week already – yikes!  Sure you’re going to do just fine.

Have a good weekend,
emsina


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi everyone, been on holiday in rainy and windy Wales.  First holiday away with ds2 but he was fine.  We went in a static caravan which wasn't child friendly so thank goodness for the playpen    The sun shone during the day a few times so we did get on the beach in our thick coats and winter woollies    All going well with us.  Got a mountain of washing to catch up on and then it will be ironing.

Cheeses - not long now then until your panel date  

Ritzi - how did your exchange day go?  We went to a few over the time we were waiting.  Seemed to be the hard to place children in our experience so we did not pursue any.

Hi to everyone else.    to those that need them.


----------



## ritzi

hi all

mummyof2 - wet and windy wales indeed   i never have that problem in my end of wales   (today is peeing down!)

thanks for asking re our exchange day- it was brill. some LA's in wales have more children than adopters so we have enquired about some littlies who are not 'hard to place'. we   something will come of it following the recent difficulties with all the no's   the local little one is also still in the frame so we will see  

emsina - nice to hear from you......hoping something comes up for you soon too  

w2 - sounds like you have been busy   better get used to that   

nefe - so sorry hun.......i have no experience of this but sending you huge hugs. is the plan to wait and see what happens or has the match been stopped now?  

CB - thanks hun. great to hear things are progressing for you  

CC -       for panel! 

EML - how did the visit go? any news?  

hi to everyone else  

we now have a wait of a few weeks before we will hear anything so the plan is to keep myself busy doing some work for my masters course - and we are decorating the box room which is currently a study so it will be ready to move into if needed for a second child. we are just doing it very neutrally and will plan to add stickarounds if needed  

ritzi


----------



## Nefe

Hi Ritzi

The match is still planning to go ahead as SS still want us for little one we just don't know what will happen if it goes to court  , the whole process may be delayed for months and months and months, we don't want to withdraw as feel little one is ours already (if that makes sense), it is hard not to get attached when you are so close to matching panel and then for it all to fall apart

Have you heard anything about any other little ones?

Hope everyone else is ok?

nefe
xx


----------



## Mummyof2

Nafe -   to you for the horrible situation you have found yourself in.


----------



## crusoe

Hi everyone

Just checking in to wish "The Cheeses" good luck for matching panel (it is tomorrow isn't it?)         Looking forward to hearing all about it. Here's hoping you meet babybel very soon.

Nefe - hope you hear some good news soon

Love to everyone else - I don't post very often as I'm in this terrible limbo of just waiting and waiting and waiting so don't have much to post about but I do try and follow all of your stories.

Crusoe
xx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Crusoe, sorry you are finding the waiting so hard.  It took us 1 year and 11 months until we were matched, after panel approval so I hope it doesn't take you so long    The first year was ok but the second year was very very hard as we began to think it would never happen    Got there in the end though and so will you  

Cheeses - good luck for matching panel tomorrow


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Ah thanks folks, yes it is tomorrow morning for panel, i will just getting up off nights when the panel have decided the outcome.
If all goes well, we could well be meeting Babybel for the first time on the 10th so fingers crossed.

Nefe- feel for you at the moment and what a time for all this to come about, and we know feeling attached feels like!

Ritzi- Looks like you could well be making a step in the right direction.

Curose, thanks for keeping an eye out for us.

Thanks for everybodies well wishes, hopefully tomorrow we will know more but our LA doesn't tell you the outcome until 3 days after the panel, so Friday could well be a very busy day with intro's planning meeting and meeting Babybel. And then a party that night to with over 50 people coming to the Cheese house, going to be mad!!!!

A very excited a cheese family here


Cheese xxxxx


----------



## superal

good luck for tomorrow the cheese family to be!!

I presume my invite for the party is still in the post!!

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## popsi

just wanted to wish Mr and Mrs Cheese the very best of luck for tomorrow


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Thanks popsi.

Andrea it might well still be on the way, lol


----------



## popsi

cant wait to hear cheeses news tonight .. good luck again 

Andrea x


----------



## Nefe

Thanks for the messages guys, we are still very upset, but i am finding it very difficult and i am angry abouyt what FC is doing, i don't know how to calm myself down  

Cheese- Can't wait to hear your news, 50 people at your house, that is a party  

Nefe
xx


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Well they had the panel meeting yesterday.....

And it was a unanimous YES.

Our little Babybel is coming to the big cheese house(well not big, but you know what i mean).


----------



## Nefe

That is wonderful news.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!        

When do you meet Babybel?

Nefe
xx


----------



## crusoe

Hey Cheeses - what fantastic news                 

Really pleased for you. When do you start intros?

Nefe - sorry you are still feeling down and upset, it is hardly surprising. Sorry I can't offer any advice or pearls of wisdom but I hope things resolve themselves quickly ..... 

Love to all
Crusoe
xxx


----------



## dawny36

Congrats to Mr and Mrs Cheese and their new little babybel lol!!

Very pleased and chuffed for you good luck with intros!!

Dawny
xx


----------



## carole




----------



## ShazJohn

Congratulations Mr and Mrs Cheese.         

Really pleased for you all

ShazJohn x


----------



## Mummyof2

Congratulations to Mr and Mrs Cheese on Babybel.  When do introductions begin?  13 months is a lovely age.  DS2 is now 20 months and starting the tantrum stage - enjoy


----------



## ritzi

hello all

cheeses - congrats on your babybel   

nefe - sorry hun that you are going through this   we are all here to support you

wynnster - still in my thoughts as you come to terms with your loss  

coxy - updates needed hun   hoping poppet is settling in nicely  

shazjohn - how are you guys getting on? 

crusoe - sorry you are waiting....waiting.......i feel like that too   but it will happen for us  

 to everyone else

we are just waiting to hear from the exchange day - it will be 2 weeks next thursday so hoping we will hear something by then   now that i have said my SW can only contact us if it is a no or yes we can't really phone and ask for update even though i am dying to know if anything will come of the links    

ritz


----------



## emsina

Congratulations Cheese family.  Enjoy the party!
emsina x


----------



## Tibbelt

CONGRATULATIONS Mr & Mrs Cheese on the addition of little cheese!! Wonderful, wonderful news!

[fly]                  [/fly]

Wishing you and your family every happiness always
Sarah
xxx


----------



## superal

Congratulations the cheese family, not long until intros!!

Still waiting for my invite!!

Enjoy your last few days of just the two of you!

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## crusoe

Hey Sarah - not long for you either!!!! Matching panel on the 14th I note!!!

Good luck (not that you will need it!)     

Love Crusoe
xxx


----------



## coxy

Congrats to Mr and Mrs Cheese, a big WELL DONE!!

life is great here, little one has settled in well, no problems to report apart from fc ringing most days   have told our sw im not happy about that.

all i can say to the people who are waiting to find the right child, hang on in there as it is definately worth it all in the end.

Julia x


----------



## popsi

Mr and Mrs Cheese... i an so so happy for you both, this is wonderful news for you xxx


----------



## Tibbelt

Thank you for remembering Crusoe - you're right, it's not long now! And I'm getting sooooooooo nervous it's beyond words! We've made our family books - big albums which we've decorated with sparkly bugs and butterflies and we've also made each of the girls a toy with pictures of us and the house etc on them... hopefully panel will like them!

Can't believe it's nearly here - thank goodness work is keeping me busy to take my mind off it (the mixture of terror and excitement is enough to send me mad!!!     )

hope all's good with you and with everyone else (sorry for short post am at work!)
lol to all
Sarah
xxx


----------



## ritzi

hello all

tibbelt - good luck for matching panel hun  

coxy glad to hear all is going well  

cheeses - when will you get to meet littlie?   bet you can't wait. 

how is everyone else?

i'm trying my best to hold my patience - hoping by thursday we'll know something as that is 2 weeks after exchange day  

my cat was injured last night probably by a car and managed to 'deglove' the skin from her paw. so now she is all bandaged up and feeling very sorry for herself   poor little thing. she was very lucky to have not done more damage. 

ritzi


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Ritzi, very sorry to hear about your poor cat.  We have 3 and they are part of our family.  Give her a stroke and cuddle from me and I hope she makes a very speedy recovery.  Hope you hear something re adoption soon as well.  The waiting is horrible.


----------



## daisyboo

Hi Sorry to barge in on you all. me and DH are off to an exchange day wednesday? what exactly happens it' just that i'm not the sort to be confident to approach people and talk i am absolutley bricking myself, also i ball my eyes out on Be My Parent website what will i be like wednesday,
Any advice, knowledge , experience greatfully appreciated. 
Love to all
Daisy xx


----------



## ritzi

oh thanks mummyof2 - i've just returned from an hour out of the house and she is ok.......has even ventured off the sofa   i hope she is not in pain though as she is still refusing to weightbear on that leg (mind you the splint that is keeping it straight does not look exactley comfortable   ) 

daisyboo - hi hu. i went to one last week and was dreading it - i too bawl over kiddies piccies   we arrived and were given name tags. the room was set out with tables all around the outside - each table was a different LA advertising children - between 3 -6 children/groups of children per table. we browsed the info - and picked up laminated info sheets of the children we wanted to pursue. had a cup of tea and discussed them with our SW. she then let the SW know we wanted to know more and they came into a 'quiet' room to discuss the children with us. at the end of the afternoon we put our names down for the ones we most liked (4 in total). we were told in the consortium they have a 2 week rule so we are just waiting to hear if we will be visited about any of them  

i hope that helps - we were really nervous too but so glad we went. try to keep in your mind that this advertising is in the best interests of the children - and finding them a famiily is all that matters  

ritzi


----------



## emsina

Ritzi - your poor pussycat!  It must have been an awful shock, her coming home like that.  Here's hoping for a speedy recovery.

Daisyboo, good luck for the exchange day, I've never been to one, but that's a great description from Ritzi.  Hope something positive comes out of it for both of you  

Enjoy the weekend everybody, this waiting lark is getting me down now and I've had to indulge in some retail therapy to cheer myself up  

emsina x


----------



## Mummyof2

Daisyboo - I have been to several of these meetings.  Ritzi has given you a very good description.  At ours some of the older children had their art work displayed alongside their photos and general information.  We were given wine to drink to calm the nerves (plus nibbles)!  It is all very informal so I shouldn't worry.  The worst thing is having to queque to talk to a sw about a child as you try not to listen to what is being said to the couple before you in the queque but you feel strange loitering with intent    Our LA did not use a "quiet" room but I think that sounds a very good idea. Good luck and remember you are not being judged, you are just doing your best to find your child so well done on being proactive.


----------



## EML

Dear Girls
Well, I'm feeling a bit deflated. We'd been short-listed for two littlies and had everything 'perfect' for the 'big visit'. The littlies SWs had seen our forms, knew more about us than we did ourselves and we were being looked at along with two other couples. However, they've decided to go with the couple living nearest to the children and gave these other reasons for not 'choosing' us:
* My mother lives with us (a fit 'older' woman who regularly climbs ladders to clean the windows!)... what happens if she ever gets ill?
* Would we be able to cope with the demands of two small children?
* DH is self-employed and is 'tied to his work'.
They thought we were 'really nice' and suggested that we should consider looking at just 1 child. Our SW said she had to agree with them.
My problem with this is:
* They KNEW about my mum, what do they expect, we shove her in a home? She used to be a nanny and can communicate with children in a brilliant way.
* We've proved time and again that we have tons of 'childcare experience' and can handle 25 children at one time... two should be do-able, surely?
* They KNEW about DH's job – what can he do unless he gives up his business?
So why short-list us? Why bother coming all the way to visit us? Why get our hopes up when they knew all of these things? These people seem to toy with us, sit there enjoying our hospitality when all along they've probably already made up their minds that we're not good enough.
This is the closest we've got so far and it feels almost as bad as that moment after IVF when the nurse comes along with the long face and tries to look as though she really is 'sorry' that it didn't work, yet again.
DH is so sweet... his theory (and mine too, but I'm too cross at SWs to put it to the front of my thoughts) is that at least these two littlies have at last found a loving family. He is just so NICE!
On the plus side, our SW told us that she'd just had a lovely holiday... I'm really pleased for her!
She wants our feedback. I can't just at the moment as I think I'd be rude to her! I'll let DH... he's much more tactful!
Love to all... rant over...
EML


----------



## ritzi

EML       its hard i know.

we had a similar situation where we really fell for two littlies and the SW went with another couple - the reasons given 'you are not catholic' - they knew our religion from day 1  
sometimes hun i think they run with their hearts and choose families for these children and as they have to give reasons just look what reasons _could be_ and quote those  we 'got over' our heartbreak by saying over and over they found the right match for the littlies - it became our mantra and helped heal our hearts - but yes it took time for the tears to stop 

rant all you need

ritz


----------



## ritzi

i have happy and sad news

my poor pussycat Koko has to have her leg amputated on wednesday - they sedated her today to look at the wound and think that she has done so much damage it will take 4-6 months to heal with twice weekly sedation/dressings. they also found today she has broken the leg   i cannot put my baby through that - so we've chosen to ampute this week which will take 7-10 days to heal - and then time to learn to balance/walk again   please pray she is okay - she is my baby  

the good news - SW's are coming to visit us next week for a possible match from the exchange day   

love to you all, ritz


----------



## daisyboo

Hi All

Ritzi Thankyou so much for the info you gave,like you said it's for a good reason we are going so Thankyou, so sorry to hear about your cat but you are doing the right thing, at least she will be out of discomfort soon and we have a 3 legged cat who comes in our garden and beleive me he gets round fine when my dog chases it 
Great news about the poss link that has really put my mind at ease best of luck xx

EML I can't beleive that surley you would of thought having your mum there is beneficial at least you have hands on support if it's a shoulder to cry on or a helping hand with the kids,why did your SW agree with them surley she must of known your capabilities during the time with homestudy etc, i am so like you and DH is like your DH,you have a rant and get it off your chest.
Make sure you write everything down if she wants feedback, i would do it now while it is all fresh.
Good Luck x


Thanks Guys x


----------



## emsina

EML – that’s just outrageous!  Your time has been wasted by this visit and I would let them know that.  As for your s/w actually agreeing, well I’m sitting here fuming on your behalf  

Ritzi love   I’ll be thinking of you and Koko on Wednesday.

emsina x


----------



## Mummyof2

EML - how extremely disappointing for you not to be chosen.  We also had the same experience this time last year when sw said they did not choose us as they went with the other couple on location.  They knew where we lived before they came to visit.  It was very annoying   but we had decided to say no to the match if they chose us so we were not heart broken.    to you.  A year on we have our littlie and he is the right one for us.  However, I must admit that having one very active toddler in the house is very hard work so hats off to anyone who chooses two small children close together in age.  I couldn't cope but you will have your mum to help and being self employed dh can be on hand when required.  A bigger age gap is easier in my opinion. Once again big   to you and dh.  SWs need a kick up the   

Ritzi - I worked with a girl whose cat's leg had to be amputated after being knocked down and the cat was just fine and very speedy on 3 legs.  You are doing the right thing for your baby.     Good luck for the link    Will be keeping fingers and toes crossed for you.


----------



## Tibbelt

EML - sending yuou big, big hugs honey   It's so unfair that things SW's already know about us are then thrown back at us  ! Hang on in there honey, your little one(s) are out there! And I agree with Daisyboo - keep a list of things in case your SW wants feedback!

Ritzi - oh honey, you're poor puddy-cat! I do hope she recovers from her op soon! (I also had a friend who's cat only had 3 legs and he was v. speedy! And my cat lost his tail a few years back, he was a bit wobbly for a while but has learnt to balance and climb again!) Sending you     & a   for the link!

Daisyboo - good luck for exchange day!    

Esima - happy shopping!   Nothing like a bit of retail therapy to return levels of saneness!!!  

Mr Cheese - hope intros are going well and that you're enjoying every moment!  

Mummyof2, MJ, Popsi, Crusoe, Superal and Nefe and everyone else - hope you're all ok.

Panel for us tomorrow - can't believe it's here at last! Am too nervous for words but will post when we have news (will be late in the day i think as we've got an afternoon slot!) We're keeping everything crossed    

Lots of love to all
Sarah
xxx


----------



## emsina

Sarah - thinking of you today at Matching Panel 
emsina x


----------



## Mummyof2

Sarah - good luck at matching panel


----------



## Tibbelt

Fabulous news! They said yes - we are mummy and daddy of twins!!!  It is all our dreams come true and more, we cannot belive we 
have been so blessed! To say we are on cloud 9 is an understatement! We meet our daughters on the 28th Oct    

Thank you for the good luck vibes - they definately did the trick!!!  

Hope you all ok (sorry for short post - champagne is beckoning!!!)
Lots of love to all
Sarah
xxx


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Sarah - congratulations on your lovely news! Not long before your little ones join you now. Enjoy the champagne  

EML - so sorry this match wasn't to be. I hope you get THE match with your little ones to be very soon. The waiting and being so close on this occasion must be so difficult.    

Ritzi - god luck with your link and your pussycat's op. I hope both work out well.    

Daisyboo - good luck with exchange day.

Emsina and others still waiting for their match - good luck and stay strong your time will come   

Mummyof2 - you postings are giving me the inspiration I need to submit my forms and start the adoption process. We're finally 6 months post tx and can officially apply.

Nervous but excited, CG xxxxx


----------



## daisyboo

Oh wow i'm new to this thread but there seems to be loads of lovely luck floating around twin girls how wonderful what a fab xmas you will have            
well off to exchange day tommorow SW came round today for a chat asked us if we would consider 2 children as there may be 2 little boys coming through  cheered me up a bit, i intend to make full use of this exchange day and make myself known to the SW's luckily our SW will be there too advertising US  well not solely for us but at least she is there in case we fall silent,
Love to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Daisyboo - Good luck at your exchange day.

Sarah - wow twin girls - how gorgeous.  How old are they and when do you meet them    

Cotswold Girl - glad I've been helpful    Good luck with starting the process.


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Sarah, I've just seen on your other thread that they are 22 months and you meet them on the 28th October.  They are a similar age to my ds2 then    Won't be long until you meet them now    Once again, I am very pleased for you and dh.


----------



## Tibbelt

Hello all!

Sorry I've been awol - this week has been manic  ! but DH & I have given ourselves this evening to catch up a bit so I've finally got some time to post properly!

I've posted on the 'Tibbelt' thread re everything we've been up to this week - but I can't stop grinning!! (and then I get scared and wonder if it's all a dream!      ) But it's staring to sink in properly and we just can't wait to meet our daughters - this journey is such a long and such a tough one for all of us, but, for what it's worth, never give up, dreams do and will come true (sorry - am a bit soppy at the moment!!     I still can't believe how blessed and how lucky we have been).

Ritzi - I know your meeting is coming up so sending you tons and tons of     (not that you'll need it I'm sure!)

Twinkle - sending you big big   honey - you're right, we are all 1 in a million - this is such a journey isn't it! hang on in there my lovely - your little one(s) are out there! And we're here any time you need a shoulder or an ear  

Mummy of 2 - thank you! Hope all is good with you and yours  

Daisyboo - when's your exchange day? let us know all about it! Hope it brings you a step nearer your dreams come true    

EML - how are you doing honey, hope you're feeling a bit better  

Coxy, MJ, Popsi, Crusoe, Superal and Nefe and everyone else - hope you are all ok and have had a good weekend!

Lots of love to all
Sarah
xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Tibbelt

I have Pm'd you

crazybabe


----------



## popsi

Tibbelt.. your post was lovely, them 9 sleeps will go really quick now i am sure as your so busy x

crazybabe.. how are things with you x

ritzi.. good luck with the visit, how is your little cat   x


mummyof2, daisy, andrea, coswoldgirl and everyone else (sorry still learning names) hope your all ok xx

we are waiting our prep course now which is only 3 weeks away so getting nervous about it now as sharing all with people we dont know is a scary thought lol... as we are quite quiet, but is all for a good cause and will be worth it in the end

Andrea xx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Popsi

I'm fine thanks - How are you, not long now til your prep course babes, where have you got to go, I was getting very excited reading Tibbelts post about meeting their 2 daughters, I hope the next 9 days will go quickly for her, bless them.

speak soon

crazybabe


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi everyone, put our papers into court on Friday as littlie has been with us for 11 weeks now.   He is a handful   but cute   with it.  Can't take your eyes off him for a second or he is up to mischief so he is very tiring to look after.  Completely different personality from ds1 who was a complete angel at this age but all kids are different I guess.  Just waiting to hear from the court when we will have our adoption hearing date and then we can set about organising his christening for next year.  Got a big family party in London at the weekend so hope that ds2 behaves himself!  It will be the first time that extended family have met him.


----------



## wynnster

Sarah - Everytime I hear the Sugar Babes 'Here come the Girls' I think of you and your DD's  

MO2 - Congrats


----------



## Mummyof2

Thanks Wynnster.  Hope your wait for another child will be brief


----------



## Cotswold Girl

Sarah - you sound like you're on   You must be so excited and counting down the hours.

Wynnster - I was so sorry to read about your distressing time. I hope you're ok  

Mummy of 2 - just as well the terrible 2s come in such cute packages  I'm sure he'll turn on the charm for the family gathering! 

We've sent our expression of interest forms off and can't wait to get started. All the positive things that have happened have got me so excited about adopting I want the months to fly by.

CG xxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

CG - well done on sending off the forms


----------



## daisyboo

Hello everyone,
Had abit of a funy week we went to exchange day which to be honest i didn't like at all i felt so self concious etc found it difficult to talk really, i approached one stand and was mortified when the SW said "looking for anything in Paticular" well my face said it all she asked me if it was my first time   we managed to hand out some profiles etc and got chatting to a SW about a little one and 2day my SW has contacted me to see if we want to pursue, but i don't know thats silly really isn't it, but i'm not sure really if he is right and i was kinda hoping my SW would point me in the right direction lets say i thought SW tried to match you with a child who was like you and DH hair colour/eye colour as this child is the total opposite to us, i'm feeling quite scared is this normal to feel like this     god don't know what to do, do you feel like what if there is a better/younger child etc
oh god that sounds awful don't want to offend anyone SORRY just want to know if it's normal to feel like this 
Thanks Everyone xx


----------



## emsina

Hiya Daisyboo - thanks for letting us know your experience at the exchange day.  Doesn't sound like something I'd be too comfortable with, I'd be hiding behind DH, not a great first impression for the s/w  
As for feelings re children, I think this is perfectly normal.  Our s/w is a firm believer that you are more likely to be drawn to a child if you recognise a likeness, however small, even if it's subconscious.

emsina x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Daisyboo, our LA don't match colouring at all, other than having white skin which we have.  Some do and some don't match colouring so don't get hung up on having a child to match your colouring if your LA don't do that.  We were matched out of our area and the LA we dealt with do matching colouring but personally we were more concerned with getting a healthy child than matching colouring.  If you're not sure about this child then don't pursue as you have to be 100% sure but as it would perhaps pray on your mind if you said no straight away you could hedge your bets and ask for more information via the CPR.  This is perfectly acceptable and doesn't mean that you are going to proceed with this child - you are just making enquiries.  Personally I don't like going to these kind of events as, in my experience, they show all the hard to place children so give a distorted view of the children available.  Dh and I came away feeling depressed that there were so many children that needed a special kind of family to take them on.  It is a very sad situation.  Perhaps you and dh should sit down and think about exactly the sort of child you want and then once decided stick to that (being realistic). Your sw doesn't know you as well as you know yourselves so you need to be sure in your own mind about the sort of child you are looking for.  to you


----------



## ritzi

daisyboo

sorry your exchange day was a little   for you. it is a bizarre thing one has to go through......

the children we looked at from exchange day - our only criteria to 'look like us' is that the skin colour is the same. it depends what you want i guess.....

dh sometimes feels like 'what if there are younger/better/older/more suitable' children out there - but to be honest i tend to rush in with my heart and just think oh yes   dh has to have firm reins on me   its down to personality we all feel different so whatever you are feeling cannot be wrong   

have you looked at the CPR? if it just a case of proceeding to that then there is nothing stopping you reading the paperwork then making a decision. if it feels like a definate no then of course don't bother - but if you are unsure it's worth a read in my opinion. 

hth, ritz


----------



## daisyboo

Thankyou everyone for your replies at least the exchange days are every 6 months hopefully we wll be matched by then,
I have the same view all the children at the exchange day were the hard to place children, and i felt guilty by not wanting them, i am very my heart rules my head and i want to bring them all home sort of person,
We have read the CPR a quick read and it wasn't great we have defo decided not to go further and emailed SW who was great and said it needs to feel right so we will see i just guess this is what it's going to be like from now on a rollercoaster,
I'm having a bit of a lul at the moment just feel so down went to docs to ask him to change my contraceptive pill (long story) and he has but he did say i could be depressed i was mortified at the tgought but i think he could be right, i'm going to give it a few months on this pill as well as taking my Kalms tablets and see if my Horrid side dissapears i am surprised me and DH are together after the way i have been latley,
Chat soon
Daisy xxx


----------



## ritzi

daisyboo

hang in there hun. 

Ritz


----------



## emsina

Daisyboo – Hope you’re on the up again soon  .  Never known a rollercoaster quite like this one.
emsina x


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Ritzi

Have you heard anything yet from SW about the children your interested in - we have finished our HS two weeks ago, our SW is going out to visit our 3 referee's the end of the week, we are just waiting now for her to completed our report so we can read and sign, we have been told we going to panel in Jan, the november one is apparently full    - I wish we were going to panel in November though it would be lovely to get approved by christmas.

Good luck with everything

crazybabe


----------



## Nefe

Hi Guys

Sorry i haven't been onfor a bit.

Daisy just wanted to send you a (HUG), hope you are feel better soon. 

I too am struggling and have also started taking calms as all this waiting to see what will happen next with littlies FC is doing my head in. We have a wait of at least 6 weeks and we will find out what the next stage is, it is soo frustrating.

Ritzi- any news with you?

Love to everyone else

Nefe
x


----------



## hewson

Hi all,

Have thought of posting for a while on here- so finally am.  Hope thats ok.  
Have been approved since May and although our sw keeps saying its not been very long cant help feeling it has especially as we have been waitin for our family for over 4 years (with treatment and all).  I just want to begin family life, get on with it.

Going through hard time at mo, waiting seems forever and having to deal with others having babies- inc my sister! Fun.  Am happy for her and dont want to feel like this but cant help find it hard.  Feel I have to be as happy about it as the rest of my family which I want to be but its so hard.
Just been to the dentist as have been gettin headaches- said was stress as am clenching my teeth.  Wonder whats causing that??!!!

Guess i read recent posts inc Daisys and Nefes and feel might actually be 'normal' to get stressed and down during the wait.
Just need a way of cheering up and coping with the endless wait.

Soz if this spoils your mood but needed to talk to people in the know.
Hewson


----------



## Mummyof2

HI Daisy, sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed.  Kalms are great.  Have you tried St John's Wort for a natural remedy.  Not sure if it interferes with being on the pill though as we don't use contraception due to dh's problems and my age    You'd need to check.  

Hewson - welcome to you.  Sorry to hear that you are also feeling down.  We had a very long wait after being approved at panel - 1 year and 11 months so I know all about waiting    It is very hard.  I am blessed in that we have a birth child but it still didn't take away the pain of longing for another child.  I hated to see women who were pregnant.  Since having ds2 in August through adoption, all that pain has gone and I can now see pregnant women without a pang   Mind you I overheard someone talking about feeling a baby kicking and did feel a pang then re ds2 but it was only a moment.  Hope your wait isn't too long    We all know how you feel.  

Nefe -   to you hun.  Hope the Kalms help.


----------



## crazybabe

Hi mummyof2

How are you, yes I too are on the kalms I find them quite good, but if I take then during the day at work, I just want to go to sleep, I haven't tried St. John's Wort- Are they supposed to be any good for stress.

speak soon - My tea ready (I'm Straving)

crazybabe


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Crazybabe, St John's Wort is good for depression, not stress.  It does affect being on the pill though so cannot be combined.  Bye for now


----------



## Tibbelt

Hello all,

Sorry I haven't had a chance to read everyone's news but I hope everyone is ok and having a good week.

We meet our daughters tomorrow!   Can't believe this day is almost here for us but we're ready and can't wait! I'll post when I can to let you know how it went!

Lots of love to all
Sarah
xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Tibbelt

I have pm'd you hun

Good luck for tomorrow, I am so excited for you

crazybabe


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

Sarah, great news.

So made up for you, and lucky little girls are going to have a great mummy.

It will stay with us forever the day we met babybel, such a fantastic moment.

Enjoy the intro's and try and keep us all posted


----------



## Mummyof2

Sarah - Hope you are having a wonderful day with your gorgeous daughters


----------



## daisyboo

Hello all

Ohhh i do hope the intros are going well Sarah      can't wait to hear all about it,

Thanks Ladies AGAIN for your kind words unfortunatley i take the pill because DH takes  tablets for his skin and bones but means there can be no possible way for me to get pregnant not likely due to DH swimmers but doc advised we need to take precautions as DH has some decent swimmers there would be a chance slight i could get caught and if i did i would have to terminate the pregnancey, so i don't want to put ourselves through that, but i just feel so down in the dumps with everything it's one thing after another worry about whether we will be able to get another mortgage,all the waiting with regards to the adoption so i'm taking Kalms to try and help this mad deranged women i have turned into       tatty bye for now xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Tibbelt

Had a fabulous day!! Sorry - am too shattered to type again but details are here (please forgive my laziness) http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=164612.0

Daisyboo - sending you big big  honey.

Mr Cheese - wonderful reading about babybel! Sounds like you are loving being a daddy! 

Big hello to everyone else - sorry for short post, meeting our daughters is exhausing!! 

lots of love to all
Sarah
xxx


----------



## sjm78

Hi Everyone
We met our youngest dd yesterday and it was magical.We were so tired from all the nerves and emotions last night but so excited today.Will try to keep you posted as much as poss.
Sarah


----------



## Mummyof2

W2 and Sarah - all sounding great then


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi guys,

Not posted for a while but do keep reading the news.  W2 and Sarah I am so pleased for you both.     

Well we have got our year review booked for Mid Dec.  So hope we get some news before then but it doesnt look like it as friends of ours has heard that in our LA 9 out of 10 applications are waiting a minimum of 12 months.  it will be 12 months at the end of Nov for us.

Hope everyone is keeping well

ShazJohn x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi ShazJohn, sorry you are waiting so long.  We had an annual review and were one month off having a second annual review when we were matched at 1 yr and 11 months after panel approval.  It is hard but you will get there in the end.


----------



## ShazJohn

Mummyof2,

Thanks for the reply.  I know on the prep course they said the waiting was the worst but after the upheaval of HS i, stupidly, thought the waiting would be the easy bit.  How wrong was i  .

Still at least our SW is back next monday from 3 weeks holiday so hopefully she will have some news for us.   

ShazJohn x


----------



## crusoe

Hello all

Forgive me this "me" post but I am in a right old state of excitement and anxiety.
We heard yesterday that we are the family selected for a little boy. Matching panel looks like it won't be until the beginning of January which is fine - having waited years and years for our family another few weeks won't make too much difference.....
I can't believe it ....

Love to all
Crusoe
xxx


----------



## emsina

Oooh - how exciting    .  Have you seen his photo?  How old is he?
Really pleased for you,
emsina x


----------



## Mummyof2

Wow - that is so exciting.        January will be here before you know it.  How old is your littlie?


----------



## ritzi

OMG this thread is full of great news at the mo........  for you all with great news, and   for everyone still waiting  

we have news too   i have kept very   since our visit the other week as few legal issues to overcome but...............

we go to matching panel on December 16th for 2 little boys   

they are siblings we saw at the exchange day and are gorgeous! they are aged 1 and 3..........i think we will be busy  

if the match goes ahead we should meet them on january 5th - our 7th wedding anniversay   

a very excited Ritz and dh


----------



## saphy75

wow massive congratulations hun this is fantastic news, what lovely ages too you must be so excited 

pam xx


----------



## Old Timer

Congratulations to Crusoe and Ritzi!!!

So pleased for you both.
Love
OT x


----------



## coxy

congratulations to Sarah and W2 and Ritzi and Crusoe and anyone else i have missed, i bet you are all floating on cloud 9!!

Julia xx


----------



## superal

Congratulations to Crusoe & ritzi!

For those of you still waiting YES its hard & no matter what we say the waiting is not made easy BUT you know you will become parents and the wait will be forgotten.........HONSET!!

ritzi - sent you a PM sorry it took me so long to reply!

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## popsi

ritzi and crusoe.. so happy for you both .. such wonderful news you must be over the moon, enjoy the small time left you have as couples as soon you will be families with such busy times    so pleased for you xx

makes me excited about my prep course now x


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Ritzi

OMG what wonderful new for you both, I bet your so excited - they are lovely ages to, thats the ages I would like to have, I'm so glad things have progressed for you, I bet your nervous for panel are you....   we are going o paneel to be hopefully approved the end of January, I hope our wait for a match isn't too long.

Good luck both , I will be thinking of you both

take care

hugs


crazybabe


----------



## Misty C

Wow Crusoe & Ritzi - Congratulations to you both, wonderful wonderful news!

Happy halloween   to everyone. 

Misty C
x


----------



## sjm78

Hi 
Lots of good news on here congrats to ritzi and crusoe.We are having a great time meeting dd3 she is adorable and full of smiles and giggles.
A tired but very happy w2


----------



## Dame Edna

Congratulations *W2* 

Congratulations *Crusoe* 

Congratulations *Ritzi,* 

now you need to run round like a headless chicken and get the house organised and get all those lovely things for your boys (and girls W2!)
x


----------



## Nefe

Congratulations to Sarah, W2 and Ritzi and Crusoe     

OMG i can't believe how good the news is for you all. Can't wait to be sharing this with you too.

Lots of love to you all.

I am soo excited for you.

Nefe
xx


----------



## ShazJohn

Congratulations to Sarah, W2, Ritzi and Crusoe,

We are so pleased for you all and cant wait to read your updates.

  

ShazJohn x


----------



## ritzi

thanks for all your congrats and the PM's

like most of you i've felt the ups and downs of wanting a family - the   and   of this journey. we started trying for a family in april 2001 and it was a long road to get here with heartache along the way. 

some days i thought this would never happen - and i still panic that something will go wrong BUT for now we are enjoying knowing that in the new year we get to meet our boys  

for those of you still waiting i do think of you often and know that for you too your dreams will come true  

ritz (who is now in a mad panic trying to get rooms painted and beds collected etc - and why oh why is it so hard to buy a cot mattress   )


----------



## saphy75

ritzi, why you struggling to get a cot matress is it because of the different sizes ? we got one for ds toddler bed a few weeks ago from mothercare 

pam xx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Ritzi - great news                           

Happy Halloween.  We are going on a ghost hunt tonight - should be fun


----------



## Mummyof2

W2 - awww, she sounds gorgeous


----------



## emsina

Wonderful news Ritzi and DH  
Love emsina


----------



## HHH

congratulations ritzi and crusoe.......such exciting times ahead of you........and it only gets better!!!

HHH


----------



## crusoe

Hi everyone

I just wanted to say thank-you for all your lovely messages - I really can't believe that they are for me and that it does look as if I am going to be a Mummy.

Thanks and huge congratulations to Ritzi and W2 too.

Love Crusoe
xxx


----------



## Cheshire Cheese

saphy75 said:


> ritzi, why you struggling to get a cot mattress is it because of the different sizes ? we got one for ds toddler bed a few weeks ago from mothercare
> 
> pam xx


Tons of em on ebay too, found Babies r Us and Mother care a bit of a rip off myself.
We got a coil sprung cot bed mattress , washable covers, excellent quality for £50.00 with delivery. The mattress is fab for nearly half the price.


----------



## Tibbelt

HOW did I miss this wonderful news??!!!!!

Ritzi & Crusoe - HUGE congratulations on your wonderful news!!!! I am absolutely thrilled for you both! 
[fly]            [/fly]

W2 - hope intros are still going well honey and that you're enjoying yourselves (& hope you're not too exhausted - we're still on cloud 9 but sleeping like logs! I think it's prep for sleepless nights!!!  )

 to everyone else - hope you're all ok and are having a good weekend
lots of love to all
S
xxx


----------



## ritzi

hello all

the cot mattress thing - i guess i need to measure inside the cot and buy that size mattress?   it just looks confusing too with all the different makes   what does an 18month old need in a cot mattress? 
cheese thanks for the info......

crusoe hun - do you feel as bizarre as i do about all this? its wierd isn't it knowing after christmas we will be mummies   &  

w2 and tibbelt - hoping the intros are going well  

 to those of you waiting 

off to centre parcs tomorrow for the week - with my friend and her 1 & 2 year old    lets see how that pans out - its practice for us both  

have a fun week everyone

ritz


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Ritz - hope you enjoy your holiday. My ds2 bounces very strongly on his mattress and always has done so so I would suggest a coiled mattress. We got one from Mothercare that also has a lining that zips off - handy for accidents. Here is the link for it http://www.mothercare.com/Mothercare-interior-mattress-Spacetec-CoolMax/dp/B001JJK2NG/sr=1-17/qid=1225723439/ref=sr_1_17/275-7948522-4222855?_encoding=UTF8&m=A2LBKNDJ2KZUGQ&n=42826041&mcb=core

/links


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Mummyof2 said:


> Hi Ritz - hope you enjoy your holiday. My ds2 bounces very strongly on his mattress and always has done so so I would suggest a coiled mattress. We got one from Mothercare that also has a lining that zips off - handy for accidents. Here is the link for it http://www.mothercare.com/Mothercare-interior-mattress-Spacetec-CoolMax/dp/B001JJK2NG/sr=1-17/qid=1225723439/ref=sr_1_17/275-7948522-4222855?_encoding=UTF8&m=A2LBKNDJ2KZUGQ&n=42826041&mcb=core
> 
> [red]This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites[/red]


 have that one too for my DS as its like new after 6months use and a few little leaks from wet nappies! (and DS stripping and pee'ing on his bed!)

I would highly recommend looking to order online and getting discount codes and i got free del and 10% off mine plus money back on a cashback site so a £155 order cost me about £135!

xxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi MJ, my ds2 has starting stripping off as well but so far I've managed to catch him in time before he pees in the bed. For his nap he wears dungarees which he can't get out of   He also wears vests with poppers between the legs so he struggles with them at night.  He undoes zips in a flash but hasn't worked out buttons yet  

We've had our mattress stored in the attic since ds1 was little as it used to be his.  It was stored covered up in polythene so it is still like new.  DS1 had lots of leaking nappies on it and the cover got washed regularly as a result but it washed really well and I would highly recommend it.


----------



## sjm78

Hi girls
Thought i would update and tell you we are loving our dd more than we ever thought possible and cant wait to bring her home for good on thurs.It's her 1st birthday on friday so looking forward to mummy,daddy and poppet enjoying presents and cake.It is exhausting with all the travelling and emotions, any rest we get is worth its weight in gold.We start intros to the other 3 on the 17th for 2 weeks so will be utterly exhausted by then but will try to keep you updated.
Sarah (mummy to poppet)


----------



## superal

Hi Sarah

Sounds as though your taking to motherhood like a duck to water.  

Enjoy your time with your DD before you get thrown into the really hard bit of intros with your 3 other children............it will be worth it in the end BUT it will also be very hard work BUT very rewarding!!!

Love
Andrea
x


----------



## Dame Edna

Hey me too, me too   

One day approved and we are ready to go !  

Look forward to chatting ...
Dame Edna x

ps.  Hi Charlotte - have you come back down to earth yet?!  I was so exhausted last night after such a momentous day yesterday with all the laughter and tears   .  Slept very well too .... !


----------



## Old Timer

Sarah

Its lovely to read your updates and I'm sure bringing Poppet home on Thursday and then her birthday on Friday will be a wonderful time.  Enjoy her while you are just 3 and try to get some rest before the next round starts!

What a fab, noisey household you are going to have very soon.
Love
OT x


----------



## Mummyof2

Sarah - aww she does sound a poppet.  What a lovely nickname for her you have chosen.

Dame Edna and Charlotte - welcome and congratulations on being approved.


----------



## Dame Edna

Hi Girls  

Can I ask a question ...

When do you think it is best to tell other children in the family network about us adopting.  In your opinion do you think it is best to tell them when you are matched or is it best to lay the ground work now when the wait 'could' be a long one especially when you are a child?

What did you do?

Thanks
Dame Edna


----------



## Old Timer

Hi Dame Edna

So pleased to see you are posting here after what must have been a h*ll of a wait!

I have nieces and nephews and godchildren varying in age from 3yrs to 16yrs now.  The older ones new from early on that we were hoping to adopt and all put their orders in!  The younger ones were told just before we were approved.  Some of the older children wrote how they saw us for our portfolio which went down well with SW.  It was explained to all of them what adoption was, in age appropriate terms, and that we were looking for our family but it may take a while to find the right children.

Once we were linked we were able to talk more to the children.

Hope you don't have too long a wait.
Love
OT x


----------



## Tibbelt

Hello all - please forgive the lack of personals, been a long but amazing day!

But I wanted to let you know that we are bringing our daughters home for ever tomorrow and we will be a family at last! For all of you still waiting, please don't ever give up hope - it really is worth it!   We have been so very blessed and every minute we have waited, every tear we have shed and every hope we have clung to has been worth it!

hang on in there, it's so tough waiting I know but it will happen and when it does it's just amaaaazzzing!!!  

(sorry for emotional waffle - am still fliying high on   )

lots of love to all
S
xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Sarah

Congratulations to you both on your two DD's comming home forever tomorrow - I'm so chuffed for you, I bet it has been very busy for you this last 2 weeks,   I shed a tear reading your post because I'm so happy for you - Our panel to be approved is in Jan (end of) so it won't be too long for us now, we spoke to our SW yesterday as we cannot make up our minds to adopt 1 or 2 siblings, it's such a difficult decision.

take care get plenty of sleep tonight        

well done both 

crazybabe


----------



## Nefe

sorry for the me post will do personals later.

Well finally spoke to our SW and the news is bad.... assessment of FC has only just started and will not go to panel until New Year now!!!! GRRR!!!!, FC will apply for adoption order in middle of Dec as she has had littlie for a year which we now realise this is what she has been stalling at all along!!!! We have asked SW to look at other children for us now as this is a no go.
Very gutted but am sure we will get over it, hopefully we will get another link quickly and the wait to be parents won’t be that long
 

Nefe
xx


----------



## Dame Edna

*Old Timer* - thank you for answering my question. I guess, like you say it depends on the age of the child - good to hear your views. Yes, it is very exciting to be able to post here ...... at long last!

*Nefe *  how very disappointing for you, this part of the process sounds really tough 

*Tibbelt *- Good to hear intros have gone well for you 

I can't stop 'nesting'  I have been painting everything in sight and cleaning like a mad woman - what's up with me   

See you
Dame Edna


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Dame Edna said:


> I can't stop 'nesting'  I have been painting everything in sight and cleaning like a mad woman - what's up with me
> 
> See you
> Dame Edna


Your welcome to come to my house when your done as having 2 active toddlers doesnt allow much cleaning time! (i need a cleaner!)

Nefe- so sorry to hear your news- massive hugs xxx

xxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Dame Edna, it took us 3.5 years to go along the adoption path from first enquiry to bringing ds2 home.  My ds1 is 7 years old and we included him in the adoption process every step of the way so he spent half his life waiting for his little brother to come along.  It did get tough when he kept asking when he would get a brother or sister but as we included him in everything he understood that we did not know when ds2 would join our family.  We were honest with him and did not give him any false promises.  He was absolutely delighted (and still is) to get a sibling.  Outside of our immediate family all other children involved are teenagers so they were told about half way through the process and were able to understand the delay.  After we got approved at panel I bought a teddy bear to give to my child when he/she came along.  It sat in the bottom of the wardrobe in a plastic bag for nearly 2 years.  It was my "nesting" moment and it was fantastic to be able to give it to ds2 on the first day we met him.  Coincidentally it is his favourite toy!  Some things were meant to be.

Nefe - poor you and dh    What a bitter disappointment.  Well done for asking about other children and being realistic and moving on.  Your child will come along some day      the wait isn't too long.

Tibbelt - aww, how wonderful.  What a fantastic christmas you will have.  Mind you, it will be very hard work looking after those two if mine is anything to go by but I am sure you are prepared for that.      

MJ - know what you mean about the active toddler    I clean when ds2 is having his afternoon nap but then I don't get any "me" time so somedays I let it slide.


----------



## Tibbelt

Nefe - sending you a big, big   honey - it's so unfair! Truly hoping another match is just around the corner for you  

MJ & Mummyof2 - oh yep, it's going to be tiring! my little monkeys have soooo much energy!!! (but they're so cute I can't help loving them for it! not sure the cleaning will get done though... how much dust can I sweep under the sofa!!!!  ) 

Dame Edna - we told the older of our nephews when we started home study but the younger (on the other side of the family) we only told when we were approved otherwise I think he wouldn't have understood the long wait (although we were very lucky and ours wasn't long, we have been very lucky)

Ritzi - how's thing with you honey? hope all is going well and to plan

W2 - hope mummyhood is contintuing to go well!  

As for us, well our daughters have been absolute stars! They came home this morning as if they'd lived here all their lives - they've played beautifully, cuddled us lots, laughed madly at being tickled by Daddy, brushed mummy hair (definatley my new 'do'... not!   ), eaten well, enjoyed lots of splashing in the bath (infact the only tears we've had were when they had to get out of the bath!) and then gone to sleep like angels in their cots! They are truly amazing and a real credit to their foster carer, she has done an amazing job in preparing them! 



But just in case they don't sleep like logs all night I'm going to get an early one too so I'll say night night for now and will catch up again soon
lol to all
a very, very happy mummy!


----------



## ritzi

hello everyone 

congrats to the new approved and waiting ladies   charnich and dame edna 

nefe - i am so sorry hun   it is crappy that these things are allowed to happen   take the time you need to grieve and then find yourselves again  

tibbelt - sounds like heaven    

our news   SW phoned this evening and things are progressing well. we are receiving dates to visit both FC - both boys doctors - and their paperwork has now been released for us so we should receive that this week. It is possible that we may be able to meet our sons in december once they have had their goodbye contact sessions....then panel on 16th december...... the wait till intros on 5th january is gonna be a killer  

we are now busily looking at prams, cot mattresses, teeny tiny clothes.........we have made an intro book for older boy - and bought baby a photo album toy on which you can put 8 piccies and record 8 messages - its really sweet and the best thing we could find for intro book......we thought having our voices on it would be a major bonus for him  

trying to think of some names to call our DSons on here but not come up with anything yet   

glad we are back from our hols - but now lots to do - carpets to lay and doors to gloss  

 to you all, ritz


----------



## CAREbear1

Hello

Haven't been on for a while and I logged on tonight to see all the good news- Brilliant, it is heartening to read.

Massive congratulations to Sarah, W2 and Ritzi and Crusoe. Your posts are sooooo lovely to read. I'm sure I'll be logging on more regularly.

Lots of love
Amanda


----------



## sjm78

hi everyone
I am enjoying motherhood more than i could ever imagine we love our dd more than we ever thought possible. She is such a good girl eating and sleeping well as well as smiling all day.
Sarah


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi girls,

So happy for you all.  

I just need a rant about my SW.  Sorry for putting an dampener on things.  Just phoned my SW after her being away from work for 3 weeks.  She came back last monday but I thought I would be nice and let her have a week to settle back into the swing of things.  Before she went away we asked for a flyer to be sent out and everything was sorted before her departure.  I asked her today if anything had come back from them only to be told that they had not actually been sent out anywhere.  SWs higher up the chain to her had decided against this but nobody had the neck to let us know, not even by letter.  I did ask her why but all i got was " They want us to discuss it at your 12 month review".  I am so so so mad.  I just feel like  .

I just feel so let down and I thought that my LA were a good one as I know a couple of people that have had a good time.  You know who you are and can I please have your SW.

ShazJohn xx


----------



## ritzi

shazjohn      

we've been where you are hun - and our SW was changed after we had a meeting with the director of our agency  

sorry things aren't progressing much for you - if i were you i'd ask that a manager be present at your review and discuss your concerns. are you on the national register? allowed to enquire in BMP/CWW......these are all things 12 months on which you should be allowed to do.....

there is nothing to stop you sending out your own flyers - i think coxy did this so you could PM her for advise. i wanted to do so but did not want to upset the apple cart - but we demanded that info was sent out on.....

all this though came to nought for us - and we found our boys at an exchange day   

you can ask to go to the exchange days in your area too - i think they are good because the SWs meet you and you stick in their head which helps more than being just people on the form f.......could you try that?

sending      and i hope that helps

ritz


----------



## VEC

Hi all

Apologies for crashing in here, but I just typed Crusoe a very long PM congratulating her on her matching news, and then found out that her inbox is full.  Grrr.

Anyway, Crusoe, I just wanted to say how overjoyed I am that you have been matched with a little boy.  I know that there are a few more hurdles to go, but I am praying for a smooth journey right through to when the boy comes home with you.        and masses of love

And whilst I am at it, Ritzi, hurrah for you too, I am so pleased that things are working out for you after all the heartache you've been through these past few months with Rhiannon.

And all the best to the rest of you, too.

VEC XXX


----------



## ritzi

aw thanks VEC - i'm sure my bestest friend had something to do with our sudden good news    
and our boys will always have a guardian angel auntie looking out for them  

ritz


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

Ritzy- I'm so happy for you and your little one's, see told you it would happen    Hope you're enjoying getting everything ready and dreaming of your life with your boys.

Shazjon - How frustrating for you! When is your review and what is it they want to discuss?? When we were waiting I ended up emailing our flyer out directly as I wouldn't trust our sw to do it and it saved her a job so she was more than willing for us to do it.  Perhaps that is something you could bring up at your review? Tell them that you'll do their job for them if they're too busy  
Perhaps though they see no point in sending the flyer if they have something up their sleeves    

Nefe - My heart goes out to you   I know only too well how it feels to have your heart broken - Feel free to PM for a rant/chat if you need to  

To all the new Mummies - Congratulations to you all, sounds like you're all doing wonderfully well and I love reading your updates so do keep updating us 

and to those still waiting - Keep your chin up


----------



## Tibbelt

Hello all,
It's ages since I've managed to get on to the site but I wanted to say hello and hope you are all well! 

I need to find some time to catch up with everyone's news but i wanted to let you know that our girls will have been home 2 weeks tomorrow & it feels like they have always been here! They have settled so very well, we are so proud of them! 

They are eating well, sleeping well and have totally made this their home (they know where all their things are and love to get all their toys out and they even put them away at bedtime! All hail their FC for the great behaviour she has taught them!) They are daddy's girls which is so cute (until they're tired or not feeling well and then they're totally mummy's girls! We've all shared a bit of a tummy bug in the last week so there's been lots of cuddles for mummy!) We just love them to bits - I know it's probably obvious to everyone on this thread, after all we wouldn't be here if we didn't already know it, but don't let anyone ever, ever tell you that the feelings you have for a child you adopt are different to a child that is biologically yours, we simply couldn't love our daughters more and we are way above    Of course, becoming parents to 2 toddlers isn't a walk in the park either - our girls are definately trying to be independant ladies    - they seem to think they are nearly 2 going on nearly 12!!!! So we have had a couple of tantrums but if that wasn't happening I'd be worried as it's such a normal part of behaviour at this age. But 99% of the time they are just a bundle of laughs, they smile all the time, squeal with excitement at the swings, playgroup, in the garden and especially when they see our cat (poor thing is going to need therapy I think - he's an old man and used to a quiet life!!   ) - I just can't imagine life without them. I'm so in love it's beyond anything I ever dreamt of! 

For obvious reasons I don't get the time to post like I used to but I'll keep up with all the news I promise and will post as often as I can! DH goes back to work next week so I think I'll get into more of a 'normal' routine with my time after that - it's felt a bit like a holiday us all being at home together every day! It's been lovely!!   

Hope you're all well and that everyone's journey is progressing! I will go and find time to catch up on the news I promise!
lots of love to all
S
xxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Tibbelt - sounds like you are having a brilliant time as a family and how lovely that you have bonded so quickly with your daughters.

On a completely different note, did anyone read this? It's a bit shocking 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1085555/Why-waiting-years-baby-I-gave-adopted-son-back.html

/links


----------



## ritzi

i just read the article with a   in my eye

that poor baby  

2 weeks is nowhere near enough time to even begin to build up a relationship......how very shortsighted  

i wonder what support the woman received prior to the disruption from the SW involved. seemed very simplistic in the article 'so i took him back to FC'  

i'm glad he is adopted now and happy but at what cost?

i just think she was an incredably spoiled selfish woman who put her own needs first   i'll say no more

ritz


----------



## Dame Edna

Hiya

I've just read the article   .  I think although she denies it, it is classic symptoms of post natal/adoption depression, like you say Charlotte (hello by the way   ).

I can't believe that SS did not question her wanting to just take him back to the foster carer.  Wouldn't they have given her some support to help her through the adjustment period.  I think there is more to the story, it seems unbelievable really.  She should have been given some help.  

That poor little boy caught up in the middle of it - despite him being settled (thank God) with his new family, that experience will have affected him and it is another rejection


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Mummyof2 said:


> Tibbelt - sounds like you are having a brilliant time as a family and how lovely that you have bonded so quickly with your daughters.
> 
> On a completely different note, did anyone read this? It's a bit shocking
> 
> http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1085555/Why-waiting-years-baby-I-gave-adopted-son-back.html


/links


----------



## CAREbear1

Hay........
I'm no longer waiting!!!!!!     
Been matched to a baby girl
xxx


----------



## ritzi

oh lovely carebear - you kept that quiet  

when do you meet your little girl? 

ritz.


----------



## CAREbear1

Hi Ritz
Intros start in Jan (shame not before Christmas!). Isn't that when you start yours?

It was all out of the blue. Got THE call from SW saying could she come and see me the next day. She brought the profile. I fell in love with it and I got the overnight cooling off, but still wanted to say yes, so now its all systems go. I'm of course still worried something could go wrong, but is it likely when you get to this stage?

Where are you up to? How old are yours? My little rainbow is 16 months old.

Are you disappointed its not in time for Christmas? I think I have mixed feelings. All the hype of Christmas might make it all too much. Whereas in Jan things will be calmer.

Amanda
xxx
P.S I'm getting addicted to looking at pink things!


----------



## Mummyof2

Carebear1 - wonderful news.  Didn't take long either.  What a lovely age she is as well - all sounding perfect


----------



## ritzi

hi carebear

wow that does sound quick....have you been to panel yet? sorry i'm a bit   i guess something could go wrong at this stage but it doesn't happen often i guess. 

of course i'm terrified that something will go wrong for us  
our panel date is 16th december for intros on january 6th BUT there is a fly in the ointment at the mo so we may be delayed panel by a month or two. we are just waiting to hear  
ds1 is 3 years, ds2 is 17 months old. 

i keep looking at blue things!   

i feel fine about the wait actually - of course i'd love it to be sooner BUT my family go way OTT at christmas - i'm 1 of 5 with 5 nieces/nephews so it gets really busy. dh is busy too as he is 1 of 6 and has both birth and foster families with all the nieces/nephews there too. there are millions of us around  i think the boys would be overwhelmed


----------



## crusoe

Hi all

Carebear what fab news - congratulations!!!!!

Ritzi- why a possible delay? Really hope that doesn't happen for you. 

Just a quick bit of news from me (must get the dinner started) we finally heard that the placement order for our little boy has been granted. We are looking at matching panel in January and starting intros in late Jan early Feb. Hurrah. Carebear your little one sounds the same age as ours so I will be very interested in how things go for you.

Love to you all and apologies this is rushed and I haven't read back over all the news. We are off on hols for a week tomorrow and rushing around like mad things!

Crusoe
xxxxx


----------



## ritzi

hello all

crueso - great news hun on the PO   another step done. i hope you are on your hols now enjoying yourself  

carebear - how is your pink addiction going?  

how is everyone else?

i'm okay........had some worries about whether we would get to panel this december, but it does look now as if we will make it   &  . we are due to meet both boys FC on 2nd dec  

ritz


----------



## Dee Jay

hi all
please can I join you all? we were approved at panel on thursday, and just received an email today from our sw to say that the final confirmation letter is on its way to us.
we're so excited, can't actually believe that we've actually got here!! it's the best news we've had for 9 years!!
looking forward to getting to know you all,
lol
Dxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Welcome to you Dee Jay and congratulations on passing panel


----------



## TraceyH

Hi All

Congratulations on the recent matches.  What a lovely 2009 it will be for you all.

January will be here before you know it.  We found out about our little one in late Nov 06 and started intros in Jan 07 but we had an up-to-date photo for Christmas.  We made him up a Christmas box and bought a bauble for the Christmas tree and he now puts it on the tree for us.

Dee Jay - Congratulations on being approved.  Hope you don't have to wait too long for a match.

Tracey x


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Dee-Jay

Congratulations on getting approved, I bet it feels like a big heavy weight been taken off your shoulders, we are waiting to go to our panel, it's not until end of January though we finished our H/S and our competency folder beginning of Oct but our SW couldn't get things done on time for the November panel and they don't do a panel in December   because of Christmas so we have to dam wait   .  Never mind January will be here before we know it I suppose, it just would of been the best Christmas pressie ever for us to have been approved for Christmas after the horrible few year with failed treatments etc.

Well I hope you don't have a long wait to be matched what a lovely 2009 you will have (so will we)   

Ritzi - How are you, when do you meet your children hun, I bet you can't wait.

Take care all

crazybabe


----------



## Dee Jay

hi all
thanks very much for your warm welcome. we're just waiting for our letter now then looking forward to finding out when our SW will be visiting next. Sounds strange but I'm really not sure when our SW will next visit - I will give her a call whe we get our letter.
mummy of 2 - any news yet on your coming to my neck of the woods? hope that you're all well,
take care
lol
Dxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Dee Jay, dh starts his new job beginniing of January but we are looking at moving during the summer holidays if the housing market picks up before then.  Dh will commute for the time being as it is only an hour each way.  I found the wait after panel the hardest as sw don't make regular calls any more so you are left in limbo waiting for "the" phone call.  We have been out to mums and tots this morning which was nice.  Once again, big congrats on passing


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi All,
hi Mummy of 2, look forward to having a cuppa with you in the summer (hopefully I'll be on adoption leave then  )

Well we still haven't got our letter saying that we're approved ............how long can it take to write a letter?  
I spoke to our SW and said that I was disappointed and worried as we still haven't heard anything!! she assured me that everything is ok ........we are 100% approved - and she's going to visit on Tuesday with some CPR's. OMG OMG OMG I am just so excited and can't wait to read them, but I'm prepared for them to be really upsetting and I know that I'll find that hard to deal with. 

hey Ritzi, saw your post, hope that everything is ok hun.

hope that you're all happy and well,

lol
Dxxx


----------



## EML

Dear All
So good to see all of the good news on here – congrats to all and good luck those still waiting!
We're in a dilemma – a nice one for a change!
A couple of months ago we were disappointed to be told that we'd not been chosen from a shortlist for a sibling pair and it was awful. Just after that, our SW came to us with another sibling pair, but these two were a bit older than we'd hoped for (6 & 7 – we had originally asked to be considered for 'up to 6' years old). Maybe because we were feeling a bit 'raw' from the 'rejection', but I didn't take to these two ... just 'something' about them. Well, we said we'd like to learn more and the final outcome of telephone calls, emails, form reading and a visit from their SWs (yesterday) we've been told by our SW that they'd love us to be with these two and the ball is now in our court if we want to say 'yes'!
I should be excited... they looked sweet, they are just what we want (on paper), but just a bit older than we'd have liked. DH was smitten ... he says that he's keen to say yes, but I don't know (although I did warm to them a lot after what we saw yesterday). Maybe I expected to fall in love with them at first sight – a thunderbolt out of the sky (mind you, that didn't happen with DH, I love him dearly, but it was more of a growing love rather than a 'whoar' moment)? Maybe I think we should 'hold out' for younger children? Or maybe just the thought of all this finally becoming a reality is just too scary?
I'd be interested to hear from any of you who've had a similar experience?
We've got a couple of weeks to make up our minds and I'd value your thoughts on this more than those of physical friends (who love to give advice, but don't really understand).
Love to all
EML


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi EML, first of all congratulations on being chosen for this sibling pair.  I am sure you and dh will think long and hard about your decision but for what it is worth, here are my thoughts.  Ignore them if you wish  

Only you can make up your mind what to do but if it feels "wrong" then don't go for it would be my advice.  We were offered one little boy but he had too many problems for us as we wanted a straightforward child so we said no.  We had to wait another year before we were offered another little boy    We turned down this little boy as well as we didn't feel anything for him after looking at his photos and reading his information.  We thought he was a lovely little boy but not for us.  When we were offered ds2 we really wanted to be chosen for him.  He looked cute, he had no problems so was one of the "rare" straightforward children, also he was younger than the other 2 we had refused.  DH felt nothing much for ds2 for a while but I liked him straight away and ds1 loved ds2 straight away.

People seem to think that us over 40s have endless patience but I feel I have less patience and am more set in my ways.  You have to think what your personality and your husband's is like and how flexible are you.  Are you prepared for all the baggage older children will bring with them and the emotional turmoil they will be going through?

I'm like you.  I don't fall in love quickly either.  It took a while to fall in love with my dh and it is taking a while to fall in love with ds2.  But I had to believe that I could fall in love with ds2 in time and I am sure that I will as my feelings for him are deepening every day.  Dh feels the same.  We weren't sure he was definitely the "one" until we met ds2 for the first time.

Going on the ages of these children, my eldest son is a birth child and he is 7 3/4.  He is a wonderful child but comes with his own strong personality, thoughts and dreams.  Sometimes he drives me up the wall    But more often than not I thank God for him. A plus is that older children are able to play without input from you leaving you to get on with household chores that need to be done, they are able to say what they want and let you know if they are ill, during the day they go to school and after school/weekends they want to go swimming/football/dance classes etc so it is easier day to day looking after an older child time wise but it is harder emotionally as their emotions are much more complex and time consuming.  

You need to think very long and hard about whether you could love these children as they deserve to be loved.  When we were just about to meet ds2 for the first time at the pre meeting the chief sw told us that we needed to be honest after meeting him and say if we didn't feel anything for him as she said that some people believe if they give it time they will bond.  She said in her opinion, it doesn't happen like that.  There needs to be chemistry from the off and if there isn't, there never will be.  

Good luck


----------



## crusoe

Hi EML

We turned down our first link who on paper looked right for us but just didn't feel right. I still can't quite put my finger on why but I just had doubts from the start and they just grew and grew. When we finally said "no" to him I felt terrible but hugely relieved. My DH was keener than me to persue the link but we knew it had to be right for both of us.
I think part of my problem was that I wanted a younger child and consequently we have been linked with a younger one. when reading his paperwork I didn't get the same feelings of fear just a gently growing sense of yes I could be this child's mummy and yes I could love him, yes I could picture in our home, in our family etc
It sounds stupid but I do think you know when a possible match feels right and deep down when it doesn't.

Thinking of you
Crusoe
xxx


----------



## wynnster

Hi All 

EML - Such a hard hard thing to do but we were linked to an 8 month old previously who we had to say no to as he wasn't right for us or us for him.  When we first heard about DS our first thoughts were no but we wanted to know more and more and before you know it, you kind of work a way round any 'issues' if it is meant to be.  What i'm saying is I didn't have a 'whoar' feeling first of all, he grew on me.  Thinking of you and DH as you come to a decision. 

DJ - Oh wow seeing CPR's already - lets hope one of them is 'the one'  

Crusoe & Carebear - Very exciting times for you    

Tibbelt - Hows everything going?

Ritzi - Thinking of you and hoping you have strength to get you through  

Mummyof 2 - Hope DS2 continues to settle in and that you're taking care of yourself too 

Our Munchkin has now been home for 6 Days and you would think he has been here forever - He clearly owns the house    He is 19 months now and in to everything, we are gradually getting into his routine and he is learning what he can and can't touch.  Life is great (even though it's knackering!) and we are Sooooo looking forward to christmas - I've already had my biggest present   but next on the list are eyes for the back of my head  

xxxxx


----------



## Dee Jay

oh Wynnster, I have tears in my eyes - how exciting, you must be over the moon, I'm so happy for you. I bet your little Munchkin is so worth the wait.

we still haven't got  our letter - that's over two weeks ago that we were approved. Our SW came round this week, but didn't seem overly bothered that we hadn't had our letter and just said, "oh give it another few days" 
We saw some CPRs of sibling groups but unfortunately none were suitable. I have to say that I was shocked at some of what I read, it was really harrowing, and I felt heartless but I just didn't take to any of the children. 
EML I'm really not sure how it works - I've always thought that when I saw "them" I'd know - just like I "knew" when I saw my DH, my engagement ring and my wedding dress (obviously not all at the same time!!) I can't tell you why we aren't right for the children that we looked at, but I just know that my gut instinct tells me that we're not for them.

anyway, hope that you're all having a good weekend,
lol
Dxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Dee Jay, sorry to hear that none of the sibling groups were suitable but good on you for being brave enough to say no   Sorry to hear that you haven't got your letter yet either.  I think ours took a while to come through but can't really remember now as it was a long time ago.  Hope you won't have too long a wait until you find "the ones".

Wynnster, I've replied to you on the other topic.  It is very hard having a toddler in the house as they are in to everything and touch all they can.  As you say you need eyes in the back of your head    Also has anyone seen where you can buy toddler handcuffs


----------



## Mx4321

After our approval at panel last week SW has told us that we wont hear anything until the new year regarding possible matches due to the time of the year. We are cool with this.

We suspect from conversations we have had with SW that things may move quickly in the new year. We also suspect our LA line people up in advance of the panel as they have a number of kids to place.

In this intervening period is there anything we can be doing to become further organised for a new year arrival.

We have been approved for 1 to 2 0-5 years. (our preference is for one)


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Mx4321 said:


> After our approval at panel last week SW has told us that we wont hear anything until the new year regarding possible matches due to the time of the year. We are cool with this.
> 
> We suspect from conversations we have had with SW that things may move quickly in the new year. We also suspect our LA line people up in advance of the panel as they have a number of kids to place.
> 
> In this intervening period is there anything we can be doing to become further organised for a new year arrival.
> 
> We have been approved for 1 to 2 0-5 years. (our preference is for one)


yes- sleep sleep and more sleep!  cos once you get told about your match then its all go!

We got told about our 2 in march and matching panel was 3weeks and 2days after being told! (our LA only tell you once all agree before hand your best match and its only you who would stop the match going to panel!)

*I would say have an idea of cots/cot beds you like, beds for anb older child (our DD was just turned 3 and sleeps on the bottom of bunbk beds- top bed is used at mo for storage out of view/reach!)
*pushchairs (singles and doubles)
*Car seats that fit your car ( i liked a few however they didnt fit our car so it was a mad crazy rush to sort this out and several times testing them out!)
*bedroom furnitue-what do you like - we got these from Ikea as we have built in wardrobes however needed draws (http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/90099153
*Also may be worth emailing your local "childrens services" (at your council) and getting the info of local parent and toddler groups, local play groups, local pre-school nurseries (and looking at ofsted reports) (i made a list from mon-fri of things on like toddler sessions including ones at the local swimming pools)

Good Luck

Mez
xxx

/links


----------



## CAREbear1

Just wanted to pop on and say I loved reading your news Wynster. Such happy times for you. I can't wait! I'm severely nesting and cleaned the fridge out. I have a meeting with the baby's social worker on Wednesday, hope I finally get to see a picture! 
xxx


----------



## Dee Jay

hi everyone,
how are you all?

not much to report here..............we still haven't had our letter, and that's nearly 3 weeks since panel..........I'm astounded, just how long does it take to write a letter? I'd be sacked if it took me that long to write a letter  

our SW is coming round next week for a visit, so we will return the CPR's that she left with us. Not sure yet if she's going to bring anymore, but suspect not and we will wait till after Christmas now, 

atleast I can begin to get excited about 2009!!

lol
Dxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

carebear1 - hope your meeting with sw went well today and you got to see a picture.  

Dee Jay - I shouldn't worry about the letter.  It just ties up loose ends for you and makes it seem more official to you but overall it's not important to the process so I should try and stop thinking about it if you can.  You know you have been approved and your sw told you that you have been approved so that is the main thing.


----------



## Dee Jay

hurrah hurrah - our letter has arrived!! thank goodness.

Mummyof2 - I was listening to your sage advice and know that you were right - I'm just not that patient - but I'm learning that patience may have to become my new virtue!! Probably a good idea to set "becoming more patient" as top priority for any New Years Resolutions for 2009.

It's pretty quiet on here..........hope that everyone is ok? CAREBEAR1 hope that you've seen a piccie and had a good meeting,

take care
lol
Dxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Dee Jay - thank goodness that letter has arrived    I'm not a patient person either but had to learn to be where adoption is concerned    We are still waiting for our contact agreement to be sorted out and we were supposed to write our first letter in November    We are also still waiting for our court date to come through.    We were expecting it to be done and dusted by Christmas but now our sw says it will probably be Feb.   We also have the fc badgering for us to go and visit with ds2    We will visit but not until after 6 months as we don't want ds2 to get unsettled. So you see, even after you have been matched the wait goes on


----------



## wynnster

Glad that your letter has arrived Dee Jay   Totally agree that you need patience where adoption is concerned    We waited 7 months to be linked with our DS and a further 7 months to bring him home (long story) and they were the longest 14 months of our lives    
Hoping your wait is a short one and you are matched quickly, the same goes for anyone else still waiting for a match  

Mumof 2 - You have the patience of a saint lovey   We all know how long you waited for DS2 and it seems things are still not sorted    Hoping SS pull their finger out  

Carebear - the 'nesting' is totally normal, I had lists of what needed to be cleaned  

MX4321 - Congrats with your approval - I would agree with MJ's advice and to do your research now so you're prepared when any matches come along     Also if you haven't doen a family book already you could get the photo's etc sorted ready...

EML - How are you ? 

We've adjusted well now to parenthood and have introduced Munchkin to his new nannies and grandads, we're so very proud of him and fill up   often.  Meeting his aunty, uncle and cousin on Sunday - Can't wait


----------



## Dee Jay

hi all,
I'm trying very hard to develop some patience in order to see me through what I hope is a very short wait!!  

I've been finishing off my Christmas shopping and I have to say that I succumbed to an absolutely gorgeous teddy bear with 2008 written on his paw (I hope to be able to give it to our LO's to let them know just how much they were/are wanted)

I've also just written a round robin style letter announcing our news that we are adopting and also approved - so for the fist time in many years I am really looking forward to Christmas and very excited about 2009.  

Wynnster -14 months!!! oh my I admire your patience and determination - but then all good things come to those who wait. Hope that Munchkins meeting with extended family went well - am sure that you had a very proud Mummy moment. 

Mummy of 2 - hope that everything is finalised for you soon.

Carebear - I've just started the nesting - it does feel weird though!!

hello to everyone else, sorry am not too great on personals!!
lol
Dxxx


----------



## CAREbear1

Just wondering how all the waitees are getting on?
Hope evryone has had a great Christmas and I wish you all quick matches in the new year
xxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Deejay - useful letter those Round Robins    I sent ours in with the Christmas Card announcing ds2's arrival as I thought it would be strange for people to get a card from me with a new name added!  ds2 has one of those bears from last year from his fc.  I have put it in his treasure box for when he is older.  Hope you had a lovely Christmas.

Hi Carebear1 - hope you will get your new family in 2009.

We have had the flu in our house and both dh and I have been bed bound but luckily not at the same time.  Doc had to do a home visit.  Then all of us except dh had this 24 sickness and diahorrea bug that is doing the rounds.  Christmas has been a time to forget this year!  We have struggled on and ds1 said he had a great Christmas so that is a good thing.  Managed to drag ourselves out to the sales and bought some bargains though


----------



## ritzi

we were at the bottom of the page  

how is everyone?  

we are gearing up to meet our boys on tuesday.......there is so much we still have no idea about  
do we take pram, nappy bag etc with us?
do we get expenses for travel, food etc while on intros?
the list goes on........we have our planning meeting wednesday so hoping our questions will be answered then  

i thought i would be really excited but i am actually just terrified! 

ritz


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Ritzi.  I was half excited and half terrified meeting my child too.  I think it is normal to feel like this.  Try and relax as this is a very special time and it goes by in a flash.   

We got expenses for a meal every day (keep your receipt as you have to pay first of all and then claim it back after the introductions are over) and also mileage could be claimed back so make a note of that every day.  We were told this information at our planning meeting so I expect you will be as well.  If not, ask  

Below is some information I posted when I was going through my introductions, based on various people's suggestions.

First day of introductions - usually stay 2-3 hours at Foster Carer's house and then add an hour longer to each day.  She usually provides lunch and drinks.  Take some flowers as a thank you and perhaps some cake.  Wear same perfume all through introductions and wear the same clothes you wore in the dvd or family book.  At the end of the introduction FC might start giving you children's things to bring back home.  You will bring home stuff every visit.

Take:-

Camera and spare batteries/camcorder
Changing Bag containing wipes, nappies, mobile changing pad, sudacreme cream
Buggy
Teddy or toy to leave, perhaps smelling of perfume you wear
Age appropriate Car seat 
Tissues in case you cry with happiness
Notebook and pen
Mobile phone to key in FC's number when you take out child for the day

Questions for Foster Carer

What size and brand of nappies does child have?
What is child’s routine now?
What are child’s likes and dislikes?
What is the best way to comfort the child?
Is the child allergic to anything?
What is the child’s favourite Cbeebies Character?
What is the best way to distract the child?
What washing powder/fabric conditioner does foster carer use?
What are the child’s favourite toys?
Do you use music at night to soothe child to sleep?
What medicines do you use?  Calpol etc?
Is the child frightened of anything in particular?
Does the child nap in the car/pushchair when out and about?
How far is the furthest the child has travelled?
Has the child had any holidays yet?
Has the child been taken swimming in a pool?
How far can the child walk ie mobility?
Does the child sleep in a babygrow or pjs, with or without vest?
Does the child have a cuddle toy to take to bed?
What size clothes does the child wear?
What is the child's shoe size?
How many teeth has the child got?
What toothpaste do you use for the child?
Does the child suffer when teething?  What are the signs?  How do you manage the pain?
Has child had chickenpox or any other childhood illnesses?

Hope this helps


----------



## Tibbelt

Hi all!

just wanted to say HAPPY NEW YEAR! hope 2009 brings you all much joy, love, laughter and matches to those still waiting !

Sorry I've been awol for so long - our girls are keeping us very busy (they're doing just brilliantly - feels like they have always been with us and we're loving every minute!) but I also got the dreaeded flu bug and ended up with pneumonia! Needless to say was laid flat out by it but thank goodness for antibiotics and am on the mend! Still managed to have a lovely first Christmas with our girls which was fab!

There's loads of news to catch up on I'm sure so will try to do it soon and post properly!
Lots of love to all
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Tibbelt

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you to   I bet the girls made Christamas extra special for you this year, sorry to hear you weren't well, I was ill with the flu to the fortnight before Christmas, still felt Quite rough boxing day but then I think the Alcohol killed the germs though   

Well we are waiting to see sight of our report one day this week as it needs to be in by the 12th Jan ready for our panel to be approved on the 26th Jan, I can't wait to be actually told we are finally going to be parents!!!

I will let you know how we get on

Good luck to everyone else.

crazybabe


----------



## wynnster

Howdi All

Happy New Year to you All - Fingers crossed 2009 is 'THE' Year for everyone.  It's so hard when you're waiting to be matched, I used to read often but rarely post on here, so if you're one of those i'm wishing you a speedy match and all the best for 2009    We were approved in Oct 07 and weren't linked til May 08 and at New Year EVERYONE told us it would be our year.....and...... they were right  

Munchkin has been here for what seems like forever and has completely settled in, parenthood takes some adjusting to but now there is no looking back    He is our life and we smile from morning to night


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi Everyone

Hope that everything is going well for Ritzi and CareBear1 - how exciting for you!!

Not much to report from me - we were both poorly over Christmas with the d&v bug then nasty colds, so not great but we manged to have a good time. Hogmanay was fab and we loved being in Scotland. It was very special at midnight having a kiss with DH and saying that this was the year we would become a family (hopefully) it did feel really magical, and it was also my prayer at Midnight Mass)
So now it's back to work and things do feel very flat - especially after the euphoria of being approved. We haven't heard from our SW since her last visit before Christmas, but I think that I will email her on Monday and just say hello to remind her that we're still here!!

anyway hope everyone is happy and well, and here's to 2009 being a great one for all of us,

lol
Dxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Dee-Jay, sorry to hear that you have been poorly.  We had the bug as well and also flu so been very ill this Christmas.  No fun.  Stayed in New Year and just about managed to stay up to see the fireworks on the TV.  Hope that your wait won't be too long    Noticed that you have 4 children on your lillypie.com pic - how many are you planning on adopting then?  Are you from Scotland?  DH has started his new job and is finding the driving very tiring but the job is enjoyable when he gets there


----------



## Camly

hi all

im a newbie approvee!! 3 weeks tomorrow but still no official letter yet?  hopefully it will come this week. we are also waiting to be allocated a new sw'er as the one we had is only part time and doesnt really work from the office, so again, we are back to the waiting part of things!!  

hope everyone is well and enjoying your weekend. x x x x


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Camly

I know exactly how you feel, we got approved a week ago Monday and already I am waiting for the official confirmation letter.

What ages have you agreed to and how many children, we got approved for 1-2 children aged between 0 - 5 year's and 6 months, I hope our wait for a match is a short one.

take care 

speak soon


crazybabe


----------



## Camly

hiya crazyb

still no official letter.   decided if i havent phoned by wed, then im gonna phone and chase it up. also no word on our new sw;er yet either. makes me abit   incase something is wrong

found out my best friend is pregnant - actually first time i think that i havent wanted to poke the mum to be eye's out!! hahahahaaaa soooo surely thats progress?....... 

x x x x


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Camly

We haven't received our official letter yet either, hopefully it will arrive soon though, that's a pain in the   that you have to change SW's hun, poor you... don't they understand the emotions we go through at this stage waiting for that important call to tell us of a match,never mind, hopefully you will hear something soon hun.

Best of luck, I'll keep you informed if I hear from our SW

Crazybabe


----------



## Camly

hiya

our sw'er is only part time and not really office based so thats why we are having to get a new sw'er. as i say, think i will phone and 'gee' them up this week.

speak soon. x x x


----------



## Dee Jay

where is everyone? are you all out buliding snowmen and having snowball fights?!! I've spent all week wishing I had some littlies to go and play in the snow with    just had to make do with my mad mutt!!!he's been trying to eat snowballs that I've been throwing for him and can't understand how they disappear  
Haven't got any news whatsoever, still waiting and wondering what "they're" doing right now!! 
Still smiling sweetly at my work colleagues as they witter on about their babies.     They seem to think that just because I'm "approved and waiting" that the pain of IF has miraculously gone. get's me so mad.

Anyway am hoping that I'm snowed in in the morning!!

how's everyone else? any news?
lol
Dxxx


----------



## Dee Jay

p.s forgot to say .........................we'd slipped to page two - that's shocking   
lol
Dxxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Dee Jay

I know what you mean, my work mates are the same, just because we are approved now ( 2 weeks ago) they seem to think that all the emotions of not being able to have our own child, has miraculously vanished too, how wrong are they, it is absolutly fantastic that we are adopting to give another child/ren a good start in life, but is doesn't stop the emotion of bring childless at present, especially when close family members are pregnant, you begin to wonder, why us...   but at least after all the fertility treatment we had previously at least we now know that we are going to become parents one day soon, and those children will be so special to us and loved so much.

Good luck to you Dee Jay, what stage are you at in the adoption, we are waiting a match.

crazybabe


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi DeeJay and Crazybabe - I'm not posting on this thread any more as don't feel I fall in this category now.   to you both.  I can remember feeling exactly the same while waiting for ds2 to come along.  IF is a very hard cross to bear with constant reminders all around you.  The good news is that it goes away when your child/ren comes along via adoption - well it did for me any way.


----------



## ritzi

hi guys

i'm no longer in this catergory either so don't post - but i do read and update the first page if there are any changes 

this thread was a life-line for me when i was waiting so i do hope people continue to use it 



ritz


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi All
CB we were approved on 20th November 2008 - seems like ages ago now! We are in the same position as you - just waiting for a match.........sounds so simple doesn't it?! I have been told by a really good friend who has adopted two littlies that all her anxiety and pain about infertility did literally stop once she had her children placed. I am sure that it will for us too - I just hate the waiting - I think the hardest part is the not knowing a timescale - is it going to be 3 or 6 or 9 months? I'm very organised and really like to plan ahead which is impossible as I don't know what I'm planning for!

Hi Mummyof2, how are you? heard that the snow is pretty bad down your way, any news on your moving to my neck of the woods yet? It's nice of you to keep in touch - who know's we might get that coffee one day?!

Hey Ritzi get you!! "I'm no longer in this category either.. " I am *so* chuffed for you, it must be great to be able to write that, I hope that Dizzy and Scoop are settling in well and you and DH are loving every minute of being a Mummy and Daddy,

hope that everyone else is well,
lol
Dxxx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hey Ladies

I can honestly say that once your children are home and your all settled into family life your feelings change-i dont get upset when i hear people are preg (more miffed! as we dont have the option of just saying "lets have another")

Tomorrow is my 1st birthday as a mummy and its also my 30th and DH had the children yesterday and they got me a lovely card which i got tonight with my DD singing happy birthday to me.....followed by DS singing too and its lovely - all my birthdays in my 20s we were TTC and now i am gonna be 30 and the pain has gone (to manic in the morning to get them as DH leaves for work before 7 and its a mas house getting me and the 2 children out for pre-school)

the wait is pants cos you dont have a set time to aim for where as with prep then HS then panel you have time scales in mind

Massive hugs

xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi MJ

Happy Birthday for tomorrow, this will be a extra special birthday for you, with it being your first as a mummy, I van't wait to have our child/ren.

Have a lovely day        

Dee-jay - Thanks for the lovely post, I hate this waiting to for our child/ren, like you said, with the prep course, HS and panel we had a timescale but now it's just the not knowing how long, maybe weeks or several months time, but one thing will be for sure, it will be so worth the wait!! 

Take care and good luck to you

Ritzi - Hope dizzy and scoop have settled in well and everything is going ok.

take care all

crazybabe


----------



## crusoe

Hey MJ

just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday. Have a great day.










Love Crusoe
xx


----------



## nic68

Hi all,

Havn't been on for a long while, thought i would just give an update.
we were approved in march last year and are still waiting to be placed, i keep trying not to think about it as the months keep passing by and still nothing.

Hopefully not too long now.

nicola


----------



## EML

Dear Girls
I wonder if you can help?
My boss is (as usual) being a bit of a ****. He has just handed me the years calender with all of his holidays on "So we don't clash" (I'm his 'unofficial' 2nd-in-command). I mentioned that, hopefully, later this year we might be matched and reminded him that I'll need a chunk of time off. He's now gone off on one! He has known that this has been on the cards for ages (he was my boss all through our IF... and he was horrible then! another long story) and can't understand why, as any child we hope to be matched with could be school-age, I need to take ANY time off! "Its not as if you're going to be breast feeding is it?" He said! "I can see you'd need a couple of weeks off, but any more than that is ridiculous!"
This is where you come in. Do any of you know if there are any websites I can point him at to explain why I need to be at home at least for the first few months to help even an older adopted child setttle in? All of the sites I've found go on about the legal rights and not the emotional needs the child (and we) have.
I'm telling myself that he is saying this, not because he is such a ****, but through ignorance of what adoption means.
Love to all.
EML


----------



## crazybabe

Hi EML

Your boss is being a complete pain the , he probably don't understand how important it is for you to take time off, I have found this link below which may help!!

http://hoping.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/deciding-to-adopt-a-child-taking-time-of

Take care and good luck

crazybabe


----------



## crazybabe

Hi ladies

Well I hate this waiting game, waiting for our suitable match, it's only been 3 weeks   we can't wait to have our family complete .

Never mind all good things come to those who wait....   

Have anyone got any news.....

sorry I am a bit stressed at the moment, my DH works have announced possible redundancies so we are just praying that it doesn't effect us, after all we have been through to get approved and now this stress, I hope it doesn't effect us adopting.

crazybabe


----------



## emsina

EML – what kind of a dinosaur is this boss of yours?   Really feel for you  

Crazybabe, we went through this worry at the beginning of the year, but thankfully everything turned out ok.  We had a set date to find out one way or the other, which was better than having uncertainty for an indefinite period.  Would imagine s/w would cease actively looking for a match until DH is settled into new job.

Hi to all waiting and congrats to all recently placed, nice to see the thread still ticking over - been away for a while for the sake of sanity.  
emsina x


----------



## jan welshy

EML said:


> Dear Girls
> I wonder if you can help?
> My boss is (as usual) being a bit of a ****. He has just handed me the years calender with all of his holidays on "So we don't clash" (I'm his 'unofficial' 2nd-in-command). I mentioned that, hopefully, later this year we might be matched and reminded him that I'll need a chunk of time off. He's now gone off on one! He has known that this has been on the cards for ages (he was my boss all through our IF... and he was horrible then! another long story) and can't understand why, as any child we hope to be matched with could be school-age, I need to take ANY time off! "Its not as if you're going to be breast feeding is it?" He said! "I can see you'd need a couple of weeks off, but any more than that is ridiculous!"
> This is where you come in. Do any of you know if there are any websites I can point him at to explain why I need to be at home at least for the first few months to help even an older adopted child setttle in? All of the sites I've found go on about the legal rights and not the emotional needs the child (and we) have.
> I'm telling myself that he is saying this, not because he is such a ****, but through ignorance of what adoption means.
> Love to all.
> EML


Not being funny but it is not that you need time off......YOU ARE LEGALLY ENTITLED TO IT.

Hope you are matched soon!

Point him in the direction of adoption leave entitlements, bit of light reading for him.

WelshyX


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## Dee Jay

hi all
EML - I would compile as much info as possible to arm yourself with - I'd also ask the CAB and BAAF for any supporting info. Can't believe that your boss is such a dinosaur!!
Mind you I asked my HR dept for our Adoption policy in February 2008 and was told that it was being updated (I work for the NHS) and that the Adoption Policy would be available soon, and a whole year on my employer still doesn't have an adoption policy. The kind lady in HR told me to refer to the Maternity Policy "as it's the same thing"    I have never been quite so insensed at such an insensitive comment - she didn't even have a clue what she'd said. Angry didn't describe it!!
CB - we're 3 months post panel approval and I'm finding it really hard going - it's such a great thing to be approved and then it's literally just wait and wait and wait!! fingers crossed it won't be too long.

hope that everyone else is ok,
lol
Dxxx


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

hey ladies

I have to say it saddens me how employers are however doesnt Shock me! i had to email my HR dept the legal stuff about time off work ect! 

My children have been home now for nearly 10months and in the past 10months it has been a real learning curve for them and us on a wide ranage of things and Trust is a big one- today my DD who is nearly 4 is going to her friends house for the 1st time and her mum is picking her up with her DD from nursery (they go to the same nursery) however this is something i have had to explain to DD that mummy is doing x so your going to x house for lunch and i will pick you up after x.

its the silly things that will give your little ones set backs for EG, one night i went to an adoption support group, DH was working nights (which he doesnt do oftern) so his parents baby sat for me (2nd time they had done so), as my 2 are fab sleepers i didnt tell them i was going out as i knew my DD who would want to stay up and she them so when i left just after 6 they were both sound asleep however returned just after 10pm to my DD wide awake!.......... it turns out my MIL had gone to check them both and DD had opened her eyes when turning over (which she does at times) so MIL started to talk to her which woke her up, gave her a drink of juice (DD knows she is only allowed water in bed) and then let her get up for an hour and told DD "mummy is out at a meeting with "x " (her SW). my DD was happy however very very unsettled as to why i hadnt told her i was going out, why i was seeing her SW ect.

I told MIL she should have rang DH who would have spoke to DD on the phone and she would have gone back to bed

MIL did/doesnt see what she did wrong as DD was "as good as gold and sat lovely watching TV"

DD knows that if i am going out i will tell her HOWEVER she isnt to use this as a reason to be "out of routine"

Since this i have only been out once and left DH parents baby sit- this is i try and tell them how to deal with OUR children yet MIL doesnt take notice of it!

dont let others tell you how YOUR child will handle things once placed!

xxx


----------



## ritzi

hi all

dee jay - just wanted to say   over the insensitive comment. it would have been more helpful it she had said 'the policies are the same bar the start date'  

i work for the NHS and having read both policies they are identical in their conditions and pay - so i think she just probably said it wrong and didn't mean to upset you  

with my trust i have taken a year off - 8 wks full pay, 12 weeks half + sap, 18 weeks sap and 12 week NIL   i had to inform them of the match within 7 days of matching panel - and 'apply' for leave. i could leave up to 14 days before placement date - the date they move in NOT the date you first meet them. so i used 14 days for intros then they moved in. no time off at all before as i had no annual leave left for the year  

if HR give you no joy then request it higher up - and make a fuss if necesary!  

jan welshy - it's been a while - how are you?   

ritz


----------



## crazybabe

HI Ritzi

How are you, have the little one's settled in well, I can't wait for the day our SW'er rings us with news of a possible match, I can't wait to be a mum, I was hoping that I would have my 01st mother's day this year   

I'll keep you updated of any news

take care

crazybabe


----------



## jan welshy

Hiya all, sorry been away a long while (too much stress etc).
Am back on the orad again with adoption. SW came round and hoping for another match in the summer.
i have popped in and read positings every now and again but last year took alot out of us and didn;t feel could post.

Hopw you are all well. |Really makes me happy to see the matches that have happened.

HAPPY ST DAVIDS DAY TO YOU ALL!
lOVE

WELSHYXXX


----------



## wynnster

Welshy it is so very good to see you posting again    

Glad things have picked up for you and things have now settled down    

Hoping and Praying for the right match for you soon hun  

xxxxx

Ps - Hope everyone else hears positive news soon too


----------



## Mx4321

Well after 3 months of waiting we were contacted about apossible match for 2 little ones this week, unfortunately we are not going to progress it further as something does not feel right about it, cant put a finger on it just a combination of things. 

Having to do this was terrible especially as there were photos included within the forms provided.....

Hopefully we do not have another 3 month wait


----------



## HFI

Hi ladies

I was wondering if I could join you?

My DH and I were approved on Monday for 1 or 2 children aged 0 - 3.  I now know the waiting starts and I'm sure if I share my journey with you guys it will make the whole experience more bearable  

It will take me awhile to work out who everyone is but I will get there  

Keeping everything crossed that we all get matched very soon  

Look forward to getting to know you all  

Love H x


----------



## emsina

on your approval HFI, it's a wonderful feeling.  Have you had a post approval meeting with your s/w to discuss what happens now?  Are you with a VA or LA?

emsina x


----------



## crazybabe

CONGRATULATIONS HFI, that brilliant news,   you join the waiting game with me and the other on here, the waiting part is the most difficult, as you know your going to parent a child/ren but just waiting for a phone call of a suitable match.

Good luck with everything and welcome to this thread.

Take care

Crazybabe


----------



## HFI

Hi ladies

Thank you for all your congraulations    It does feel good being approved after such a lot of hard work.  At the moment I'm feeling ok about waiting to be matched but I know as time goes on I will start to become impatient.  I'm just making the most of the time I have with my DH and also enjoying spending money on the house!  I do hope I don't have a VERY long wait though  

Emsina - I have my post approval meeting with my SW next Thursday so we can discuss how often she "keeps in touch".  I'm not sure what else there is to talk about, any ideas what I should expect?  We are with an LA and have been very happy with the process so far  

Crazybabe - It's good to see a "familiar face"!  We've spoken before on the Adoption Virgins thread.  I really hope your wait isn't too much longer  

Dee Jay - Great news you've been approached about a possible sibling group.  We are still unsure whether to aim for one child or a sibling group, are you only being considered for a sibling group or both? I'm sure we'll just see what happens    Fingers crossed you receive some positive news before Wedneday   

Good luck to everyone.

Love H x


----------



## Mummyof2

Dee Jay - fingers crossed that you are the ones shortlisted for the sibling group


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Dee Jay

Woohooo, Congratulations on being short listed, hats fantastic news, you must be so chuffed    I am very very happy for you    , not long til you meet your SW and have your interview now, what ages are the siblings and what genders, we have been approved for up to two children, we would love to have siblings too, even though we know its going to be hard work, but it will be also so rewarding and we can't wait to hear of a suitable match, just waiting for the that important special call.   

Well done, I'm so chuffed for you.

Let me know what happens, won't you.
crazybabe


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi DeeJay - big congratulations on being shortlisted.  Nerve wracking time though.  

What we did to improve our chances when in this situation:-

Found out about playgroups, schools, nurseries, parks, libraries, cinema, mum and tots groups, swimming pools etc in this area and wrote some information about each one along with how far away from our house they were (looked on AA Autoroute for this bit).  Lots of information I found on Netmums which is a very useful site if you haven't looked at it yet.  I then compiled these pages into a booklet using clear files.  Obviously make sure that the information is relevant to the age you are being shortlisted for.

Cleared out all the junk from the spare bedroom and put up age relevant curtains and lampshade.  Brought down age relevant toys from the attic that used to belong to ds1.  If you don't have any toys, charity shops would probably have some at a reasonable price.  It is just to make the spare bedroom look as though it is all ready to go should you be chosen.  The first time we were in a competative match we just put up age relevant curtains and lampshade but left most of our junk in there in a small pile in the corner of the room, believing that the sw would see past it but they didn't and we were not chosen and the comment was made that we had not prepared enough.  The next time we made sure it looked like a child's bedroom.  We went the whole mile and even put up ds1's cot and made it up, bought some packs of nappies (well we would need them and they don't go out of date), put out some toys and teddies, hung up a little Thomas the Tank Engine jacket on a baby hanger so it looked like baby had just been taken out of the room a little while before.  We really wanted to be chosen and this time we were chosen and complimented on how lovely the bedroom was.  We were a bit worried how we would feel if we weren't chosen and we had to live with this bedroom all ready and no baby but we decided that we would put everything into the cot and cover it with a blanket until it was needed again.  Thankfully we were chosen so we were over the moon.

Remember to have a list of questions to ask about the children and try not to get too dewy eyed about the children as this is your chance to find out lots of things about the children - remember you need to be sure that you are a match in your heart, not just on paper.  Obviously show some warmth for the children as you are hoping to be their parents but try and be objective as well - this is your chance to talk to someone who knows the children well.  Also make sure that you show you can match their needs and don't just say that they match your needs.  Remember the child comes first is the social worker's motto   

Treat it as an interview so dress appropriately and act appropriately.  Be warm to the sws but not too gushy if you know what I mean!  

This "interview" selection process is a scary time but the discussion helps to get an idea of your children and clarifies what you can and cannot accept into your life. Try and visualise the children in your house when you see them on the video/dvd/photos. Seeing the children on tape is also a very exciting time but try not to get your hopes up too much, just in case you don't get chosen. 

With us the sw was here for 3 hours the first time and we didn't get chosen but only here for 1.5 hours the second time and we did get chosen so try not to second guess how it went by the length of time they were at your house.  We had to do a complete house tour both times so make sure the house is clean and tidy - we only had to show the rooms that the child would be using - not our bedroom.

Good luck


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hey ladies

Good luck for those being "interviewed" its not something our LA do (thank goodness!)

We found out lots of info about "childrens" stuff from our local councils website via there "children info service"

Also may be worth giving your GP's a ring to find out the health visitors name/number as once matched all LAC (looked after children) need to be seen by a HV within 28days of moving in (just goes to show your ready for everything)

Good luck

Mez
xxx


----------



## ritzi

oh wow charnich and deejay   and   all goes well

i worried lots about the bedrooms etc - and ended up with 2 empty rooms to show them decorated in yellow and pale blue  

BUT the SW only sat in our lounge and used the loo - they did not ask to see anything else - and neither did we offer as we were a bit overwhelmed   but we were chosen  

GOOD LUCK GIRLS  

ritz


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Ritzi

We are still waiting for a suitable match, my mobile is glued to my hip etc, never mind we know the wiating is the hardest and the match has to be suitable for the child/ren too so we know there is a lot of work envolved with the matching before we get a call.  How are your two littles one, have they settled in well, what ages are they I forgot, we are hoping for two, people say to us OMG two, that will be hard work for you but it will be worth it.

take care and please keep in touch.

Love

crazybabe


----------



## Viva

Hi, 
We were also matched after a competative match. I would second everything Mof2 said but we did not have the rooms ready, we did however show the rooms (which were junk free and set up as spare rooms) and talked about our plans for them. The difficult thing is that you do have (I think) to show that you've fallen 'in love' a little! We talked about all the little things that made the match feel right for us, DS was born on our wedding anniversary, we loved both their names and had been concerned about names our potential children might have. Also, (this was a big thing for our SW's) as ours was a sibling match with our DS being nearly 4 at the time and our DD being only just over a year we focussed mainly on meeting our DS's needs, this went in our favour as it 'proved' we weren't after the younger child and just taking big bro as an add on, also it  is likely to be the older child who has been through more trauma and will need more support initally, this was true for us.
We also focussed on things that we picked up from their CPR, for E.G. DS was a VERY picky eater, we talked about stratagies for helping him with this. Don't ignore any difficult bits in their CPR's but address them openly even if you are a little bit anxious about them, be clear about anything that you think you might need support with after all this is what your SW is for in the post match period. We also ensured that we talked about age appropriate activities and identified explicitly any friends/family members with children in the same age range.

All the best, hope you both get good news soon!

Love Viva
X


----------



## HFI

Thank you girls, you have some much valuable information to share with us people that are waiting, it really is appreciated.  I'm sure we'll all find this a huge help when it comes to being matched.

Fantastic news Dee Jay and Charnich - all the best, I really hope you both get some good news    Will be thinking of you  

H x


----------



## Mummyof2

Viva - thanks for adding those valuable pointers.  Good advice as always.


----------



## HFI

Charlotte - Really sorry to hear you weren't selected but so pleased to see you are remaining positive and got some great feedback    Hopefully not long before you are approached again re: another possible match  

Dee Jay - Good luck for today.  Thinking of you and sending loads of positive energy    .  Keep us posted.

Our social worker is coming to see us this evening, it will be our first visit since panel.  Not sure what we'll discuss but it will be good to know she hasn't forgotten us  

Hope everyone is well and is enjoying this lovely sunshine  

Love H x


----------



## cindyp

I am rubbish at getting on the site and posting, never seems to be enough hours on the day.  I think you've already been given some excellent advice from Mof2 and Viva, we were part of a competitive situation for DD but were lucky enough to be selected.  We just tried our hardest to be ourselves and to sound enthusiastic about the match.  It's not the easiest thing to go through, especially not knowing what the competition is like.  

I'd just like to say to you ladies that are waiting for the right match, fingers crossed I hope you get your families soon.  

love
Cindy


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi Guys,

Not been on for a while as I am getting very frustrated with this waiting game.  I would just like to say Congratulations to all those that have been matched and those lucky people that have done all the hard work and are now approved.   Welcome to the waiting game.

We have got a meeting with our SW on Monday - she is just coming round to bring some more Medical forms as our Medcial need to be renewed, even though we have not been matched, and also to go through our profile as DH has changed Job since we last saw her.

We did actually put the matching on hold from Dec until now as DHs new job entailed a 7 Week compulsory course to start with and we wanted him to have some settling in time.  

I also have my mobile with me 24/7.  I have warned SW that if she does not match us by the end of June then I will start phoning every 2 weeks.  Maybe then they will pull their fingers out.

Thinking of you all

ShazJohn x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi ShazJohn, we had to have another medical as well as we waited almost 2 years from our approval panel before being matched.  We had to pay for our first medical but our LA paid for the second one as they had not matched us.  The waiting is very frustrating I know but like us I am sure you will get there in the end.


----------



## ShazJohn

Thanks for your words of support.

Thankfully our LA paid for our first medical and will be paying for this one aswell.  Sometimes i find it hard as we are the last to be matched from our prep group and the last of them to be matched was back in Jul last year.  Just feel like this waiting game is never ending.  But at least in my heart of hearts i know it will end some day and it will be worth the wait.    

ShazJohn x


----------



## jan welshy

What if your medical situation changed slightly from first approval to when matched? How long do SW leave it between redoing medical checks?

Welshy


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Welshy, twelve months from approval panel date, your LA is legally obliged to give you an at home interview with a social worker to check that all is the same with you and that you are still eligible to adopt, which means re-doing your medical checks.   This procedure has to be shown to have been done when you are matched.  If it hasn't been done then you have to have it done before the match can go ahead.  After 2 years from approval panel date we had to be crb checked again as well.  If your medical situation has changed slightly I wouldn't think it would make any difference myself but of course I am no expert.


----------



## ShazJohn

Mummyof2,

You have said that after 2 years the CRB needs to be redone - We are having to get ours done now after only 16 months (Nearly).  Maybe there is something in the pipleline that they are not telling us about.    

ShazJohn x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi ShazJohn, could be, although it does take a while for the crb to come through so perhaps they are just being organised.   Hope it is the former though    Although it seems to take forever, you will find that when your little one does finally come along you forget all the pain and frustration of the long wait to get him/her    Believe me, we felt it would never happen as well but our little chap was worth the 4.5 year wait from first enquiry open evening to him being legally ours.


----------



## ShazJohn

Well What a shock - just had an email from SW cancelling our appointment on monday  

She is getting the CRB and medical forms sent out in the post and will pick up the CRB forms when she comes round.  

She also wants to know if we have changed our mind on the age of child we are after.  i want 0 - 3 but DH has said that he would not mind a 4 year old as he know what hard work babies are   (Are all children not hard work)  Anyway looks like i might be uping the age of the child i want.  Thankfully we are not concerned about the sex of the child as i would like a boy and DH would like a girl. (He has younger sisters so thinks that girls are easier to look after)

Well hopefully she will be in touch soon to rearrange our meeting.  

ShazJohn x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi ShazJohn, how annoying that your appointment has been cancelled.  I've not had girls myself but also think they are easier.  We were told by our sw that if we wanted a girl we would have a longer wait as lots of people want girls so we said we were happy with either sex.  Boys are lovely as well of course    I always think that the older the child you are matched with then generally the more settling in they will need and possibly they are more "damaged" by their life experiences - of course this is just a generalisation but something to bear in mind I feel when you read any cpr.  Hope your appointment gets rearranged really soon


----------



## ShazJohn

Mummy of 2,

Thanks for the advice.  I will definately think of it when we eventually get to see a CPR.  

Can I ask?  How long was it before you saw your CPR?  Everybody seems to be seeing loads but we have not had a sniff of one.

I am so fed up of the "It is all happening behind the scenes" line.  SW uses it all the time.

ShazJohn x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi ShazJohn, we used to get that "happening behind the scenes" pep talk as well.  Like you, we had heard it too many times to take any notice.  After we were approved we saw a cpr straight away from our LA but the child had lots of dietary requirements which we felt would impinge on our family too much so we said no.  Then our LA began to place their children out of area so we weren't contacted again by them    Then it was a year until we saw another cpr from a neighbouring authority    That child wasn't right for us either which was SO disappointing having waited for so long. Then suddenly we were being considered for 6 separate children after I decided to take matters into my own hands and write my own introductary leaflet which I sent to anyone and everyone   I hassled my sw to send out our contact details to our consortium as it had not been done for 9 months    You really need to chase sw so I sent a monthly email.  I also signed up to Be My Parent and Children Who Wait so that I could get the contact details of LAs featured in there.  I wrote to them and asked that we be kept in mind should a suitable child come along.  Some of the children offered were not suitable for our family circumstances but as soon as the cpr for our son came along we knew straight away that this was the one.  It was hard not to follow up the other CPRs we were sent but our sw said that she would only allow us to pursue one child at a time as it got too confusing.  As our son was such a good match for us we did not get any further with the others.  

Have you tried this approach yourself - contacting LAs and introducing yourselves?  It worked for us in the end.  You need to set out an A4 sheet with a colour photo of you and dh at the top.  Then put down a little about yourselves ie age, non smoking, description.  Briefly describe your house and area and pets if you have them.  Briefly state interests.  Then put down the kind of child you are looking for and state why you feel you would be ideal parents.  State you know that many children have "issues" and put down how you would address those issues and give a child a secure and loving home.  That sort of thing.  Put down contact details for your sw as well and I also put down contact details for us as I knew how busy our sw was and worried that they wouldn't get in touch with her and so we might miss out.  I also contacted the adoption register every 6 months to make sure that we were still on there and down as active.  Some LAs take you off their records if you do not contact them every few months as they think you are matched so I had to keep chasing.  Time consuming and expensive in stamps but worth it in the end and it helped me to be pro-active.

Hope this helps


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi DeeJay,   to you - not much longer now.   As you know we had 2 "interviews".  The first interview they were here for 3.5 hrs and the second 1.5 hrs.  I suppose they have to take a long time to be thorough and to look around the house.  Gives them a proper flavour of you, your house and your lifestyle and means you can ask any questions you want.  It is a very nervewracking experience though and very tiring emotionally - I know I was totally wiped out and drained when they had left.  Not something I would want to do again.  It is all worth it when you get your family completed though.  Let's hope that the council amalgamation will not slow things down for you


----------



## ShazJohn

DeeJay,

So sorry to hear your news.  Please do not give up your family is just waiting for you..

Our thoughts are with you  

ShazJohnxx


----------



## Mummyof2

DeeJay - very very sorry to hear your news   to you.  Your turn will come hun and the children will be the right ones for you.  Did you ask why you weren't chosen?  You should be given reasons and hopefully you can rectify that next time around.  We were told we hadn't prepared enough so next time around we made sure they could find no faults with us, other than location which we couldn't change of course.  As you know it took us almost 2 years from approval panel to get our son but it was all worth it in the end.  Try and stay positive, your turn will come.  Once again, very sorry to hear you weren't chosen     on your behalf   to that sw.


----------



## CAREbear1

Just popping on as I know it was heartening to me to hear from people 'the other side' when I got disheartened whilst waiting what seemed to be 'forever'!
 Dee Jay, so sorry you went through that.
Someone else has already said and it is true that when your child is with you you will know they are the right child and the wait will have seemed worth it. There were other children for me too, but now I have little rainbow, I feel she was always 'meant' for me. This may or may not be true, but it does give you something to hold on to during the disappointment.
xxx


----------



## cindyp

So sorry to hear your news Deejay.  As everyone has said it is hard at the moment but hold on to the thought that your family is out there waiting for you.

Take care
Cindy


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Dee-Jay- i am so sorry to hear this news and i know its easy to say this now as i am so lucky to have my 2 children however YOUR FAMILY is still out there waiting to be brought home, i never thought we would ever be matched as it was always someone else who got the good news of becoming parents however i so wrong- i have 2 fantastic children now and have been a mummy for nearly a yr- please please dont give up hope

Hugs

Mez
xxxx

PS Shazjohn- will reply to your PM ASAP just been really poorly! xxx


----------



## ShazJohn

MJ

Sorry to hear you have not been well.   

I cant believe you have been a forever mummy for a year already.  It has gone so quickly.  I remember your phone call telling me all about the match as if it was yesterday.

Well SW said at the weekend she would rearrange our meeting once she was back into work - guess the job she had to cancel our meeting for is a big one as we still have not heard from her.  She has also told us it is ok to book hols for early june so guess there is nothing going on for us at the moment.  

I have decided that when the next issue of CWW comes through the door i will be looking at it more seriously and emailing her alot to get information for us.  I have left the CWW side of life as i always thought that SW would find us something but 16 months down the line and still waiting.  enought is enough.  Now i will start looking for myself.  Even though SW has asked that we do not contact them ourselves and go through her.  So guess her work will start now!!!  

shazJohn xx

PS.  I know that my SW does work hard but just feel like not hard enough for us.


----------



## LittleMissJo

Hi

Dee-Jay, very sorry to hear your sad news, sounds awful and cruel to keep you waiting.

W have just under 2 months before we go to panel, the whole experience is just so emotional, so nervous.

Jo


----------



## wynnster

Dee Jay - So sorry hunny


----------



## Viva

Just wanted to send a   to Dee and also to say hang on in there to Shazjohn it WILL all be worth it!
Take care ladies and plan some lovely quality time with your boys and take time to be selfish and do things just for you whilst you still can.
Viva
X


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi DeeJay - at least you know why you weren't chosen and the fact it was very close is good 'cos it means next time it should be you chosen.  Sorry to say we were with a consortium but it still took us ages to get a child so don't get your hopes up too much.  What it turned out in our consortium was that your sw has to ask them to do a search for you, they don't do one automatically which is what I assumed.  We could only ask our sw to ask the Consortium File Searcher to do a search for us every 6 months.  No-one told us this at the start, just seemed to assume we knew!  It was 9 months before I knew to ask our sw to do a search, after that I marked it down on my calendar and could tell my sw exactly how long since the last search (which she didn't like).  Hopefully your consortium works differently but if not, mark it on the calendar and don't forget to chase!  My dh felt exactly the same as you did and was only waiting until the 2 years was up (from approval panel) before saying he had had enough of adoption.  We got matched just before the 2 years and my dh could hardly believe it as he was so sure it wouldn't happen.  I guess I am more of a "it will happen one day" sort of person.    to you and dh and I   your wait will be short.  What you have to think is that if you stop the adoption would you be happy without a child/ren in your family.  Don't do anything hasty as it could be you regret it in the long term    Oh and by the way your ticker says you have been doing your homestudy for 10 months +!!!!


----------



## ShazJohn

YEAH - at long last we have got our appointment set for a new date.  27th Apr 09.  I know it seems along time away when all SW is doing is going through our profile and make sure it is up to date so not sure why we have to wait 3 weeks but still at least we have a new date.

SW is now on leave for 2 weeks and then they have training the week she gets back to work.  so no child finding for us for the next 3 weeks  

Still keeping my chin up as i know our child is out there!!!!

ShazJohn xx


----------



## Mummyof2

ShazJohn - Great news you have a date.  Something to aim for


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Shaz- you know that your still being looked at hun even while N is off! you know my feelings for you at the mo!


----------



## ShazJohn

Girls please can you give me some advise  

My SW has asked that if we are interested in finding out more about a child in CWW or BMP then we are to go through her and she will get the information for us.  At the moment SW is on her hols for the next 2 weeks and after receiving CWW on Sat there are a couple of children we are interested in.  I have emailed her with contact details of the childrens SWs and asked if she will find the info for us or if she wants us to do it.  To date SW has not got back to us and I dont want the childrens SWs thinking that we could not be bothered to find out info whilst SW is on her hols.

What should i do.

DH says that we should contact the SWs but I really dont want to be going behind our SWs back.

ShazJohn xx


----------



## Dame Edna

Hi ShazJohn

If I were you I would contact the SW for the child in CWW.  You can't afford to wait for 2 week's as they have tons of enquiries for children featured in CWW and it could be too late in 2 week's time   !

Why don't you make the enquiry and then then drop your SW an email to tell her/him what you have done and the reason or even copy your SW on the email to the child's SW?

I say just GO FOR IT


----------



## Anabelle

ShazJohn

hiya hun

I agree with Dame Edna, you need to make contact now as there can be tons of enquiries.....one we were interested in had over 150 in the space of a few days.
As a matter of courtesy e-mail N and let her know what you are doing - you can't wait and possibly miss out just cos she's on leave....I am sure she'd understand.  

Best of luck hun

A
x


----------



## ShazJohn

Well i have done it.  Just explained that SW is on leave and that we would like some information.  I have also attached our profile (well the one DH sent to SW but not sure they are using it).  I have also copied SW in on the emails.  Watch me get told off now by little hitler   

Who cares!!!!

Shazjohn xx


----------



## superal

Hi SazJohn

Who cares if you get a "telling" off or not these may be your children and to miss out on this opportunity seems really silly & i for one would have done exactly the same thing if I had been in your shoes!

Lets hope you get some good news soon!
love
Andrea
x


----------



## Old Timer

Me too!

Good luck
OT x


----------



## Anabelle

ShazJohn

pleased you did make contact, don't let those opportunities pass you by, nowt they can do about it!  I know you probably feel just like I did - you dont want to upset anyone, but hey I've done a bit of upsetting sw's in my time   

Here's wishing & praying     

A
x


----------



## ShazJohn

Just had an email from our SW and she is ok with the fact that we have emailed the childrens SWs.  She has said that we get no joy then her manager will look into it for us whilst she is on leave, we just need to let her know, and she will speak to me upon her return to see what is happening. 

I know this is good news but also puts a dampener on the fact that I would have liked a child from our LA but looks like nothing is in the pipework as they are ok with us going for information about other children. (If any of this makes sense then you are a better person than me) 

ShazJohn xx


----------



## superal

I know what you are trying to say shazJohn and that doesn't make me a better person than you.......... we just think on the same wave length!!! lol

love
Andrea
x


----------



## wynnster

Well Done Shaz for taking the bull by the horns so to speak  

Heres hoping


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Shaz- i understand what your saying- i dont think the LAC team have much going through the system for adoption at the mo however your baby is out there! xxxxxx


----------



## ShazJohn

MJ

It is good that our LA does not have many going through the system at the moment as it means there are not so many children needing to be taken away from their families but on a selfish note it is hard when you have been waiting for 16 months and not a sniff of any news from anywhere.

One of the SWs i contacted has been in touch with Little Hitler as SW is on leave so we will waiting and see what happens. 

ShazJohn xx


----------



## jan welshy

Hiya all,
Just dropping in to keep in touch. We are still waiting for match, stil getting buterflies waiting and still thinking would I be a good enough mum and can I cope being a mum and working - suppose I am one of many who think this.
Hope you are all well.
Love#
WelshyXXX


----------



## Tarango

Happy Easter everyone  

May I join you as wanting to 'graduate' from the virgins thread!   
(although wil still be going on there to keep up to date with everyone   )

Thank you for all your lovely messages following our approval at panel on Wednesday it is starting to sink in now and we are settling in for the 'wait' .... am not very good at waiting but SWer said there weren't any potentials at the moment but there were a few coming through ..... 

any one got plans for the weekend?
we are entertaining my sis in law and nephew and going on an easter egg hunt!!

xx


----------



## Camly

welcome tarango! my matey!!  

soooo very pleased you got approved - even tho there was never any doubt!  

now you can join the rest of us with the 'wait'.  i dont often post now as i dont feel we have anything to report   maybe one day tho?!

happy easter to all of us 'waiters'. hope you enjoy your weekend 


lots of love camly x x x x x


----------



## Dee Jay

hi everyone
congratulations Tarango on being approved - well done!!

hope that everyone had a good Easter and enjoyed the sunshine.

spoke to my SW today but no news yet, just some more waiting to be done, but it feels like Spring and hopefully the time of new beginnings for all of us,

lol
Dxxx


----------



## Camly

Hi all

Hope you are all good and enjoyed the long weekend.  

We have sw visit tomorrow, nothing to report, think its just a catch up (unfortunately).  I have the feeling its going to be a long haul/wait.  

lots of love camly x x x x x


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi Camly
Hope your SW visit went well and was positive, you never know, your SW may just have a CPR or two to show you. I know what you mean though the waiting is unbearable   I wouldn't mind it if I just knew how long it was going to be for,

lol
Dxxx


----------



## Camly

Hi dee 

well just had visit and as suspected - nada, nowt, nothing!!    its so hard not to build yourself up isnt it?  they keep tellins us that they 'dont think it will be long' but is it sw long or my long?

ho hum.....another day passes. 

hope everyone is well. x x x x x


----------



## Dee Jay

hi Camly
I know "it won't be long" can mean anything!! Last time I saw my SW I told her that we wanted to be a family before I was drawing my pension and still had the energy to run round after littlies and hopefully enjoy them..........but she has no idea of how long we are going to have to wait, and yes the waiting is the hardest part (for me anyway) it's so hard not wishing your life away!!
Here's to a short wait for all of us who are "waiting"

lol
Dxxx


----------



## Camly

hiya

yeah here's hoping 'long' is not loooooooooooooooooooooooooonnngggggggggg!!!!!!!!!    it must be difficult for sw'ers too but at the same time!    its hard not to forward plan too much just incase isn't it?  

ho hum, not to worry x x x x x x x


----------



## CAREbear1

sending you some 'not waiting long' wishes   xxx


----------



## Camly

thank u careb!    hope your littlie is coming along.  nice age 21 months.   in at everything?

hope eveyone has a good weekend. we have just booked a fortnight in mexico - leave 2 weeks today!!! hopefully that should help with our wait!  


x x x x x


----------



## ShazJohn

YEAH!!!!!!

SW is back off her hols and has phoned to say that she is now looking into the children i enquired about in CWW.  

I still got the "it is best if you stay within our LA" speach but to be honest after waiting nearly 17 months for my LA  to find my child i think maybe they are in a different LA.

ShazJohn xx


----------



## Camly

whooohooooo!! shaz

keep us posted.

hiya to all the lovelies    x x x x


----------



## Dee Jay

hi everyone
Camly - two weeks in Mexico? wow can we come with you?!!! Where are you going? We went to Cancun for our honeymoon and it was lovely. Have heard that Playa Del Carmen is stunning.
ShazJohn - fab news, here's to the children in CWW being the "ones" finallly you're getting somewhere, well done. 
I totally understand the "let's stick with our LA" we thought that too - until they put us through 3 months of the hell that is competitive matching and we weren't chosen so it was all for nothing - I still feel pretty bitter about that. We are now registered with our regional consortium and hope to find our family that way. Atleast we won't have to go through competitive matching - it's torturous.
Anyway hope that everyone is having a good weekend,

lol
Dxxx


----------



## Camly

hiya all

hope you are all enjoying ur weekend. i had a hen do last night - the hen left early but that didnt stop us!!    feelin a little delicate this morn....

thats good ur registered for your consortium D.  here's hoping.  

we are going to cancun - typical isnt it tho - mexico has a flu epidemic at the moment!    i phoned the holiday folk and its ok to travel to cancun, thankfully.  

x x x x


----------



## Camly

hi all x x x 

well, our mexican dream is over!   holiday cancelled.

hope everyone is well x x x x


----------



## Boggy

oh Camly,  

I've been thinking about you since I heard where the couple stayed, and that holidays were being cancelled.  Been looking out for you posting what was happening.  Can you go somewhere else?  

Hope you get something sorted

Bx


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi Camly

So sorry to hear that your holiday is cancelled - I too have been thinking about you the last few days. There is a couple just back from their honeymoon in Cancun who live in Polmont, Falkirk who have swine flu and are in Monklands Hospital, the girl works in Boots in Falkirk High Street - what a shame for the two of them - I did think of you as I knew that you were from Scotland and wondered if you where anywhere near (I'm from Edinburgh and went skiing with Polmont ski club once!)
Hope that you can go somewhere else if you want to. We were planning a week away soon but think that it might just be too risky at the moment - don't fancy breathing in anyone elses bugs on a plane at the moment!! but then we were thinking that it might be our last chance for a holiday for some time!!
lol
Dxxx


----------



## Camly

hiya ladies

  not sure if we are going to get anywhere else, think everyone who was supposed to go to mexico is trying to get away. we still fancy further afield but not having much luck    

thank you for thinking about me. suppose it could be much worse, lots of people going there to get married or on their honeymoon. shame.

hope ur both well. x x x x x


----------



## Tarango

Camly,   you get to go somewhere xxx

hello to everyone xxxx

no news from us apart from we don't think there are any possible children coming through our LA as we have been put on the national adoption register - did you know you can call them and they'll tell you if your info has been sent out and how many times!!
As our details have only been on 2 days not alot has happened on them!   

how is everyone finding the wait? What do you do to keep yourself sane?
I have started knitting!   I'm going to knit squares to make a patchwork blanket for the little one but I'm not going to sew it together until we know who we are getting - so it'll be a big blanket or small one ... 

xxx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Tarango

We are finding the waiting dreadful, we got approved the end of Jan, we had a visist from our SW a month ago and we were told we had lots of interest in the consortium but because of the lack of funding nothing could go any further, the L.A pays the V.A for placing children - I think this is terrible as these poor little children are in care waiting to go to permanent homes and to be given a good start in life that they deserve and this funding sketch is delaying this.

We are hoping that we here so new soon, we have another SW visit in 2 weeks time, it's horrible waiting isn't it, I keep looking at my mobile all throughout the day (Every Day) to see if I have missed any calls    it's horrible.

Hope neither of us are kept waiting long though.

Take care

speak soon and keep in touch   

crazybabe


----------



## HFI

Hi Ladies

Crazybabe - Sorry to hear you're finding the wait difficult.  We got approved early March and since then I've been keeping myself busy seeing friends, going away for weekends and buying stuff for the house / garden.  Fingers crossed your wait is almost over  

T - Were you told by your LA that there were no children so you were being put on the natioanl adoption register?  Keeping everything crossed that you get the phone call very soon and your knitted blanket is a small one  

ShazJohn - Any news from your SW re: the children from CWW?  I've never heard of CWW is it similar to Be My Parent?  I hope you receive some positive news very soon  

DeeJay - Pleased to hear you've now registered with the regional consortium. You mentioned you won't have to go through competitive matching.  In what way does the consortium work differently?  Sending you lots of  

Camly - So sorry to hear your Mexican holiday has been cancelled, I too have been thinking about you everytime I've watched the news.  Maybe you can get a late deal to some other destination.  I hope you do get to have the break you deserve.

Does anyone else plan to take a holiday this summer?  It's difficult to know what's best.  I'm not sure what our SW's think about us going away for some sanity!

Nothing much happening here, like you guys "just waiting".

It's nearly the bank holiday weekend     Does anyone have any plans?

Have a good one.

Love H xx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi HFI

I know it is horrible waiting isn't it, never mind, good things come to those who wait - Just hope we are not kept waiting long    .  What age were you approved for

crazybabe


----------



## Tarango

Hi Crazybabe,  
it's nice to hear from you, although I am sorry to hear the wait is getting to you especially when you hear there are lots of children 'out there' and money is stopping things moving forward! I have to admit the wait isn't doing me any good, we found out a couple from our prep course have been matched - very pleased for them but wish it was us!

we haven't been told outright that they don't have any children in our LA - I'm just reading between the lines. Our Swer has said our profile is 'out there' in the consortium but also we can contact her about any children in be my parent or CWW and she has put us on the national register - if there were any potential children I would have thought they wouldn't be saying go for any others ... 

on to square number 4 for the blanket!!  

Shazjohn - how are you getting on with CWW enquiries? fingers crossed you get good news xx  

Hello to HFI, Deejay, carebear and everyone else ..... back to the knitting


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Tarango

We have been told that we are expected to stay with our V.A for at least 6 mths before looking for children in Be my parent etc, I will ask our SW when we see her next if we are on the national register now as I have read on Adoption UK that once you have been approved for 3 months your agency should register us on the national register if there aren't any possible links in progress.  Hope our wait isn' a long one hun, same goes for you too.

take care

crazybabe


----------



## smurf16

Hi All


Hoping to join you, we were approved on the 21st April after a long road of IVF ETC.

crazybabe we cycled together on holiday dreams in Oct 07. (i was smurf bu had to creat a new acct as internet changes)

We too hope we do not have to wait too long. Our SW is coming to see us on Tuesday to explain what happens
next, it would be magical if he had any news but he very much positioned it as a information catch up.

Need to read back on thread and catch up with everyone, have a great weekend and I look forward to chatting soon.

xx


----------



## crazybabe

Hi Traceymurph

How are you, I do remember you, I didn't realise that you were adopting too, how many children have you been approved for and ages - The waiting is horrible so please be warned, but at least you will get something positive at the end of this not like the treatment, we have our next SW visit (Support Visit) a week Tuesday so we are keeping everything crossed for news    .  Please keep in touch hun, it will be nice to know how your progressing.

We started to strip off the wall paper etc in the bedrooms this weekend, my house is such a mess at the moment but will be nice when its finished (I hope)

PM me anything 

Good Luck

crazybabe


----------



## Dee Jay

hi all,
just spending a while catching up with everyones news on here. Am bored with it being a wet and miserable Bank Holiday Monday. Not much to do apart from surf!!
Hope everyone is well,

lol
Dxxx


----------



## smurf16

Hi All


Crazybabe - approved for one child 0-3, I have a daughter from a previous relationship aged 8.

We started our adoption process in March last year, after a second failed IVF, where I had 12 eggs but zero fertilisation!

We were told to give up and to be honest I was relieved, just could not have gone through anymore.

Back to work tomorrow. 

Tracy

xx


----------



## popsi

Tracy... i remember you from Holiday Dreams too i am sure, well done on getting approved, looks like you me and crazybabe made the same choices, we have completed HS and are awaiting panel date which we will hopefully get tomorrow (been cancelled once !!) good luck xx


----------



## ShazJohn

crazybabe said:


> We are hoping that we here so new soon, we have another SW visit in 2 weeks time, it's horrible waiting isn't it, I keep looking at my mobile all throughout the day (Every Day) to see if I have missed any calls   it's horrible.


Crazybabe,

After 17 months for this waiting game i, like you, have my mobile with me 24/7. It does not get any easier with time. 

Hope everybody else is doing well and coping with the waiting game.

The CWW children came to nothing so still looking. Hopefully the new magazine will be on my mat this week. 

My SW does not seem pleased that we are looking outside of our LA but understands why we are doing so.

Well best get back to work before the boss comes in.

ShazJohn xx


----------



## emsina

Hiya ShazJohn

I'm in the jolly "Waiting 12 mths Plus Club" too!

Hardly ever come here as never have anything to report.

BIG BIG HUGS to you  

emsina xx


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi Emsina,

welcome to "The Club".  It is not fun waiting this long is it!!!!!! 

I am so hoping I dont join The "I have been waiting over 24 months" Club.  That, I think, would send me round the bend  .

I thought it would get easier the longer you wait but it is getting harder and harder for me.  My DH is fab and just lets everything go over his head - it is definately me that is getting wound up about the waiting game.

I still keep checking my mobile, even when i have nip to the loo, just incase the SW has phoned.  DH thinks we should just enjoy our free time now as we keep getting told (MJ and A thanks for the advice) that we will not have much when our little one is with us.  I know it is true but i cant help but get frustrated. 

All of you that are still waiting keep your chins up and it will happen when the time is right (My mum keeps telling me that)  

ShazJohn xx


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi Fellow "Waitees"!!
If I had a £1 for everytime someone said 
"oh it will happen when the time is right"
"your family is waiting for you"
"your little one/s are somewhere out there"
then I would be very rich   

I have to say that the waiting is a killer, I'm so fed up of it, it's my every waking thought, checking my mobile/email continuously and wondering if "today is the day" I know that I should enjoy my "peaceful time" currently - but I've been doing that for 10 years  

I have bought some bits and bobs and am beginning to feel like Miss Haversham- it's so not funny.

Anyway, let's hope our wait isn't for much longer,
lol
Dxxx


----------



## wynnster

Hi Ladies

Just wanted to say that it is a really terrible time where you all are at the moment    I personally found it the most stressful part of the process.

Now being on the 'other side' though DH and I often say to each other 'why didn't we do this / that before Munchkin came' and thinking back to how depresing the waiting months were we wish we had done more together in those waiting months.  There are lots of last minute hotel / spa / days out offers around at the moment, why not book something for a treat every month?  and yes I know you've had years of doing just that sort of thing but unfortunately the wait is out of your hands so you might aswell treat yourseves in the wait  

It is horrible waiting for the phone to ring but when it does your lives will never be the same again and you'll be wishing for more 'you' time  

Anyway, with the possibility of making DeeJay a millionaire    It WILL happen, keep in there


----------



## Dee Jay

Wynnster,
you owe me a quid            
lol
Dxxx (on the phone to my bank to open a savings account )


----------



## JoJoSa3

Hello All,

My first time on this thread!  I've been reading the Adoption and Fostering boards for a few weeks but we were only approved a week ago so I didn't feel qualified to join in until now  

After we were approved we assumed that we'd be settling down for a long wait, but we've been linked (I think that's the right word, still getting used to the jargon!) to a baby girl and we are waiting to meet her SW next week.  I know we are lucky to have been contacted so early, but apparently we aren't the only potential adopters, the SW is meeting another family before she sees us.  It's so stressful, I can't believe how much so .  We've seen her details, and she's perfect for us, but I'm terrified that the SW won't choose us and that would be so hard.  I'm trying to occupy myself to take my mind off it, but I just can't stop thinking about her.  Blimey, I had no idea this bit was going to be so stressful, I feel like I'm going to have a coronary!!! 

Anyway, hopefully I can now join in properly, being a new 'climbing the walls' approved-adopter-in-waiting!  

JJ x

By the way - Crazybabe, I think I remember you from the ICSI boards, we had our Nov 07 BFNs at the same time.


----------



## ShazJohn

JJ,

Welcome to the "Waiting Group".  Unfortunately I can not comment on the situation you are in as we have never seen a childs details yet   Our LA only lets you see them when our SW and the childs SW are happy with the match.  I know it is a good way to do it but it is so so frustrating.  I hope all goes well for you next week and cant wait to hear your updates.

ShazJohn x


----------



## jan welshy

Can someone remind me when adoption chat night is an how I can get on it, it keeps asking me for a password.

Ta
WelshyX


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Welshy

We have no planned chat nights at the mo however will pm you the password when we do

xxxx


----------



## jan welshy

Ta MJ
WelshyX


----------



## Tarango

Evening everybody  

Just thought I'd pop on and say 'hi' and welcome to our newbies  

Nothing to report here, had a bad day last week (hormonal, stressed, etc etc) but am ok now ..... this waiting game is not very nice, I was not born with patience....  

hope everyone is doing ok and keeping busy during the 'wait'

xxxx


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi All
Tarango - sorry to hear you had a bad day last week, I think that happens to all of us at times, I'm sure that it's pretty normal. I won't say hang in there hun as it will happen when it's the right time as I always want to yell at people when they say that, it's just the not knowing that's the killer - if only we had a rough guide of just how long then that would atleast help - impossible I know!

We had our Godson to stay over on Friday which was lovely, we took him out for tea and we kept asking him where are we, his reply was "Pub" which was so sweet as he's nearly two and such a cutie pie with it. We had a great time with him.

hope everyone else is well,

lol
Dxxx


----------



## smurf16

Hi All


Hope your well, our sw visited us last last week no link in the pipeline for us at the moment did feel dissapointed.

He did say he is going to put our details on the broader consortium now as ours is quite a small LA. 

Is everyone watching the find me a family programmes's on C4?

Chat soon.

xx


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi Tracymurph
We have recently just been registered with our regional consortium too and Ive been pleased with the enquries that are coming through for us, it definately feels much more positive. 
We've watched the Find Me a Family programmes the past few nights and I've been surprised at just how quickly the approved adopters have had children placed - they have both been really quick, which makes me think are they just showing the "quick" matches - it seems very positive though I thought - it's the first time we've seen anything positive about adoption on TV.

Good luck with finding your family through the Consortium,

best wishes
D
xxx


----------



## emsina

hiya ladies/chaps!

I'm enjoying the FMAF programmes.  I think their quick matches are down to the "experimental scheme" (the residential course learning about hard to place children etc.)  Does give a bit of insight into the stress and emotional turmoil of the process to the uninitiated which can be so hard to explain to friends and family.

Tracymurph & Dee Jay lets hope you find luck with the consortiums.

emsina x


----------



## ShazJohn

Hiya Guys,

Well I have at long last managed to watch all 3 FMAF Programmes on Channel 4 OD at work (we are so so busy  )  I can not believe how quick they got through everything.  In the time from DH and I first enquiring to going to panel (1st time) was 11 months.  Second panel was 13 months.  In this time scale they have been though HS, Panel and been matched.  

How do we get on this scheme?  Wish our LA was doing it.  

Still no positives words from SW so i have given up texting and emailing her for now.  Will speak to her when we get back from our week in London in June. (DH is taking me away for our anniversary)  

SJxx


----------



## jan welshy

Wynsster, your email inbox is full and I cannot send you a message.

Welshy


----------



## Tarango

hello sun seekers  

thought I'd drop by and add a note as we were on page 2!!!

hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine  

we are chilling out this weekend and 'pottering'  

welcome back Camly xx

no news from us still waiting ...... although getting in trim for the holiday bikini is doing a good job on keeping my mind occupied....  

xxx


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi Guys,

I take it you are all out enjoying the sunshine!!!  It is very quiet on here at the moment.  I hope everyone is doing well and coping with the waiting.

Still No news from us up in the north!!!!!  

SJ X


----------



## emsina

Hiya ShazJohn,
When are you coming to London for your hols?  Hope the weather holds for you.
Nothing going on here either!
 to all.


----------



## ShazJohn

Emsina,

Off to london Tue 09 jun til Sat 13 Jun    

It will be so nice to get away from work and the every day question "Any News Yet?".  They got over the initial shock that i would be away for 9 months and after being approved for 6 months they stopped asking but in the past month of two they seem to be asking every day.  I so feel like   but dont think the boss would find it amusing.

SJ x


----------



## Camly

hiya ladies

how are u all enjoyin this lovely weather?  its gorge eh?

no news from us unfortunately.... getting bit fed up now. nothing since we were approved in January    

sorry for quick post just going to have my dinner.

take care


love camly x x x x


----------



## Ermey

Hello

Often read but don't post often as not much to say! We were approved in Jan.

Just wanted to say hi to fellow "waiters"! Is nice to think that there are other people out there in the same boat who know what it's like.

Hope you all keeping your chin up.


----------



## Camly

hiya all

how r u all??  

still nothing to report - is anyone else feeling as frustrated as me??  its hellish isnt it!  

anyhoo not to worry. hope ur all well x x x x x x


----------



## HFI

Hi ladies

Sorry it's been awhile but as you know there isn't often anything to report...................but I am pleased to say I do have some fantastic news.........

I AM GOING TO BE A MUMMY    

We were matched with a 7 month old little girl at the beginning of April and the last few months have been hectic!  I didn't want to post until now because I was nervous I would tempt fate.  Anyway, we're almost there    I leave work tomorrow for one whole year and my DH and I are meeting our little one for the first time on Thursday - we can't wait .  If all goes according to plan we should be bringing her home on 29th June   

I am sending you all a huge amount of   and keeping everything crossed you all get a successful match soon and your dreams come true, just as they have for me   

I will keep you all posted.

Love H xx


----------



## Camly

HFI

[fly]WHOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!![/fly]

what fantastic news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so very very happy for u and ur dh. look forward to hearing all about ur meet.

lots of love camly x x x x x x x x


----------



## ShazJohn

WOW!!!  What fab news    

Really please for you all!!

SJ xx


----------



## smurf16

Hi There

That is truely fantastic, gives all us waiters hope!!



   

xxxxxxx


----------



## emsina

to HFI and dh.

ShazJohn how was London?


----------



## LittleMissJo

Hello,

Congratulations HFI, fab news  

My DH and I were approved today, so excited!  

Now we wait    hope we don't have to wait too long  

Jo


----------



## Camly

many congrats little miss!! great news. x x x x


----------



## emsina

Well done Jo, how are you celebrating?  Did you have a mad moment of insanity and hug your s/w like we did  

Nicky, you are most welcome - you wouldn't catch my DH on here either!

Hope your stay on this board is short-lived and wishing you both all the best.

emsina xx


----------



## LittleMissJo

Hi,

Thank you Emsina. We just had a glass of champagne to celebrate, we did not go out, think we should of done really 

I am excited but it's just the waiting, not knowing if it will be 2 months, 2 years or never! I want to be bouncing   with excitement but don't want to end up disappointed, have been advised to calm down a wee bit.
So many emotions at the moment  

Nicky B71, congratulations to you. Hope your meeting with your SW goes well, our SW said she would call us if she hears anything, no meeting arranged.

Jo


----------



## emsina

Champagne - my fave  
Why not book a short   to take your mind off Jo.  Might be your last chance!!

Hope your meeting goes well Nicky.

Where r u SJ - want to know about your London adventure.

 to all.

emsina x


----------



## LittleMissJo

Hi,

We do have a weekend away booked, really looking forward to it!  Yes, may be our last chance!



Jo


----------



## ShazJohn

Hiya all,
Emsina,  London was fab!!  Sat in bars drinking in Leicester Square  (It might be our last chance).  Went to see "We Will Rock You" which was amazing   and "Madame Butterfly" - Not really my cup of tea or DH's but we thought we would try an opera!!  MIL got us the tickets for our anniversary so it was a fib to her telling her it was great.  Just hope she doesn't offer again.  

Still no news from us here in the North East nearly 19 months and still waiting but hey at least i know it WILL happen just not when.  We have a meeting with SW on monday just to go over a few things and see how things are progressing.  

How is everybody on here I hope you are all well and coping with the waiting!!!

SJ X


----------



## Camly

hiya

welcome to all new approvees!   

shaz - glad u  had a great time in london.  

well, we have had a kinda disappointing week. got an email!!! from our swer confirming as no siblings available they are going to start searching for a single child.  i know thats great that siblings are not coming up as it means they are stayng with their familes (if that makes sense?!) but we have always been so keen for siblings. we dont knw if to hold off for say another 6 months and see if any siblings are released or is that 'wasting time' so to speak if we are not going to get anywhere?  feel like we are stuck and not really sure which way to go. our sw'er isnt much cop so its a tough one.....

sorry for the moan, hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. x x x


----------



## nic68

Hi All,

We are still waiting to be matched. we were approved in March 2008 for up to 2 children (one under 12mths). I have now decided to write to other agencies to see if we can be placed on their lists.

Anyone else in the same boat as us??

Nicola


----------



## Camly

hi nicky - yeah i know what u mean. its tough isnt it.  if im honest though, i wouldnt be too keen to go thru the process again. dont know if dh would be either so if we do not go for siblings then that may be our family compelte? time will tell..

hi nic - we were approved for 2 children under 4 years, with 1 being under 2.  we are in the process of starting to be put forward to single children - even though our preference is for siblings....so who knows?!

welcome back tarango - nice to have you 'home'! glad u enjoyed ur holiday 

hello to everyone else, hope ur all well. x x xx x x x x


----------



## emsina

Hello all!

SJ – so glad you had a wonderful anniversary and visit to London.  I love Leicester Square on a summer evening.  “Madame Butterfly” – wow – how cultured is your MIL?  I agree that particular opera’s heavy going - a bit too serious and tragic for me - but I wouldn’t mind seeing a lighter more comic one like the “Barber of Seville”.

Hope your meeting with s/w went well.  Ours never really gives anything away and we’re none the wiser when she’s left.  We always get spun the same old lines:

“there’s lots of children going to court for placement orders soon” (heard too many times now and taken with pinch of salt), “you’re near the top of the consortium list so it won’t be long now”, “I’m confident you’ll be linked in the new year” (the one 6 mths ago), “by Easter”, “by the end of Summer” “BEFORE THE 2012 OLYMPICS”   ........ (yeah made the last one up ).

Camly - I wish you all the best with your difficult decision.  We too had a preference for sibs when first approved but now we’re quite happy with “whatever will be will be”.  I def won’t be going back for seconds, unless it is a sibling to a child we have already been placed with.

Nicky – congratulations on completing the Edinburgh moonwalk!  I’m sure those aches and pains will be a distant memory soon.

Nic68 - you’ll see there’s a couple of us on here been approved 12 months plus.  We’ve done a profile of ourselves with a couple of photos which our s/w has sent out to other agencies.  I can empathise with you, being in a similar position ourselves.  

Love to all,
emsina x


----------



## emsina

Nicky -you deserved a lazy day after such a great achievement.  
I've made it clear to my dh I'm on a go-slow during Wimbledon


----------



## LittleMissJo

Hi,

How is everyone, enjoying the hot weather?

Well, it has only been a week post approval, seems like weeks already!!  

Think I need to book another holiday  

Jo x


----------



## Camly

hiya

we dont have any sunshine unfortunately - just very very very hot!!! so sticky.  better than rain tho!    i have booked myself in for a full boyd massage today - why.the.hell.not!?!    hopefull wont be able to have these luxuries in the future. 

do u think that we will have have patience of saints by the time we get our littlies?    we are all soooo very good at waiting. 

hope everyone is having a lovely weekend.

speak soon 

love camly x x x x x x


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi to all the waiters,

It is now drying up, after an awful morning of rain, up here in Northumberland.  Another week has gone by with no news  . 

DH and I are off out with some friends for a meal and drinks.  Guess i should make the most of it but if i am honest i would rather be home looking after my LO (if SW ever finds my LO for me).

Hope you all have a fab night and I am sure it is my turn to win big on the lottery tonight. 

Speak soon

SJ XX


----------



## Camly

hi girls

nicky - massage was fab. wish i could get one every day!!   if only.  i know what u mean about waiting - some days are better than others! 

shaz - ur littlie is out there.  im sure of it. 

hope everyone is enjoying there weekend. we are just off food shopping - joy o joy!  

x x xx x


----------



## Tarango

hi-ya everyone 

gosh isn't it hot, hot, hot!!!

no news from Tarangoland, although our SWer leaves next week and we are going to be without  a SWer for the forseeable by the looks of it   not sure what will happen if a potential child could comes along ...... 

talking about potential children .... has anyone been told there is a 'shortage' of children under 4 who are 'waiting'?
whilst talking to my SWer over the last few weeks, she has implied htis may be the case but didn't elaborate of it was just locally or nationally...

also has anyone sent their profiles to other LAs?

going to watch Top Gear ...... 
speak soon travellers


----------



## Camly

Hey T!!!   

that sucks about ur sw'er.  we were the same, once we were approved we had to get a new sw'er so i know where u r coming from.  hopefully u wont have that long a wait for new sw'er  


hope everyone is well. x x x x x


----------



## Camly

ps t - when we were just approved our sw'er told us there were more babies out there than baby adopters? not sure if thats only up here in sunny glasgow tho?  x x x x x x x


----------



## Camly

hello lovelies  

another nice day here in glasgow! pity i had to work    but still enjoyed the nice sunshine.  

well wonder what this week will bring? i say that to my dh every week!!    i am on operation lose weight....... being so occupied with adoption and everything else that i havent been watching what i eat - well i do watch but only as i shovel it into my mouth!!    

x x x x x x


----------



## Tarango

evening all,  
just a quick post tonight as watching the tennis - sorry this is a bit of a me post but feeling a bit put out!

following from previous post -SWer leaves this week -have now been told that we are not going to be allocated a new SWer yet but will be held by the duty team ... from my knowledge of social services - the duty team are just that - they are on duty to look at anything that comes in and not be searching for our family - so we are not going to be having someone look for a child for us .....  

PS - Camly - I also 'watch what I eat'   

xx


----------



## Camly

Tarango 

that sucks!!!!!! are they still going to be able to give u updates on a regular basis?  i would keep at em til they give u info!  

keep us posted. x x x x


----------



## Tarango

Hi, 
thank you for the hug   it was just what was needed  
it is also nice to know our LA is not the only one ot do this ...

I think we have been put to the duty team as they are ever so short staffed in our LA. We know of at least 2 SWers going and they haven't replaced, also they have a huge overspend to claw back so we think they have a recruitment freeze going on... an das we know SWers are busy, busy anyway ...

From what our SWer has said we won't be looked at unless someone comes along and enquires about us.... it'll be if someone from the national register contacts them rather than them actively family find for us .....  
I hope we get another SWer allocated to us somewhen  

T
xx


----------



## Ermey

Hello Tarango

Can relate to your sense of panic about this...Our SW left in May, and we were told that we would social worker-less until they EITHER matched us with a child OR recruited someone else OR got round to redistributing our SW's workload. We didn't have much faith in any of those options happening quickly!

In effect, we had no social worker for the foreseeable future; we quizzed our old SW about it and she explained that it doesn't mean there is no-one looking for a child for you, as the system has to be in place so that if a SW was absent (including ill or annual leave) the rest of the team are aware of her cases....
Liek you we pictured them sitting around in a circle discussing children, and us not having a SW there to throw a hat in the ring for us "this couple are great!". Our SW assured us that it doesn't work like that, it is much more clinical and structured... almost like cross referencing on a spreadsheet and comparing all couples on their list who match certain criteria for each specific child...if your importrant details like age preference, religion, location etc match. Then someone else would be able to run with it for you.

We were only partially convinced; as I am sure there is a lot of personal intuition that goes into it too, but it does make sense that if they are trying to match "the right chld with the right family" and putting the child first, they would want to stay on top of EVERY couple on their approved list.

Having said that we felt like we were free-falling for a while and as though we had been forgotton, but they have now allocated a new SW, and we like her better than our original one! (so far anyway).  It feels kind of like a fresh start.

I don't know if all that waffle is any help at all.

Ermey xx


----------



## Tarango

hi Ermey, 

thanks for your message, you summed up how we are feeling. 
I spoke to our SWer yesterday and she said about us being on a spreadsheet so our details are 'out there' and our profile will be looked at the meetings  (all sat in a circle discussing children   which was how we were thinking it would be!)

SWer said to give it a couple of weeks then start calling them to see what is going on and of there is any news on being allocated ... I feel a bit better and can think things through a bit more rationally - or as rationally as I will ever think!

Thank you everyone for your support  

T
xx


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi guys,

Well another week has gone by and no news.  I know people say no news is good news but this is killing me.  

Also one for the "Stupid Comments from Others" - My mum, bless her, I told her last week that we have agreed to up the number of children from 1 to 1 or 2 and she asked "if you get two will they be siblings or is it a mix and match"  to which i replied " they will be siblings as they will be our children"  .  I do love her to bits but i really dont think she understands.

Hope you all have a good weekend.

SJ XX


----------



## emsina

OMG "mix and match" what's she talking about - bikini tops and bottoms


----------



## nic68

Hi all,

Just wondered if any of you out there have had severe dyskaryosis (abnormal cells following smear test) or know anyone who has.  I had my smear 3 weeks ago and on monday of this week received a letter from the hospital giving me an appointment in 3wks time to go to have an colposcopy to look further at my cervix to see how bad the changes are. i was absolutly devastated when i opened the letter. i did post a message in the section ask a nurse on this website and i have had one reply. 

Im not bothered about the procedure or what treatment needs to be done, it is the fact that they are pre-cancerous cells and i am just so worried.

I went to see my gp yesterday to discuss this and asked if the cells were cancerous would that have been picked up on the smear test immediately which she said they would have and there is a 14 day window in which i would have been called straight in, but they can't rule out 100% until they do further investigations to see where the abnormal cells are and make sure they are just on the lining and not gone deeper into the tissue.  

I have received leaflets with my appointment which does state that abnormal cells occur in 1 in 20 smears and it isn't cancer and it is vary rare that the cells would have turned cancerous in those that have regular smears (which i do) as it takes years to develop.

Even though i have spoken to people and spoke with my gp it still makes me worried which i can't help, and having 3 weeks to wait till my appt is like torture and then after the investigations it will be another couple weeks following biopsy to wait for results. 

Nicola


----------



## ♥ M J ♥

Shaz - we got asked this when people met our 2- YES they are siblings as in same parents................Me and DH! AHHHHH (no they really are siblings!)

All jokes aside our SW raised a vaild point about if 2 little ones had been in same FC and both free for adoption and had bonded like siblings why they couldnt go together!.................................

xxxx

Nic- posted at same time- i havent had this happen to me- thinking of you xxxxx


----------



## Camly

hiya nic

snap!!!!!!!! i had the same thing. the sept before i got married i had an abnormal smear, went back in the march for another smear, same thing - abnormal cells. went to the hospital later that year for a colposcopy - doesnt hurt so try and not worry about that, just try and relax and breath, bit like a smear test except lasts a teeny bit longer. anyway, still came back abnormal cells so i had to have a procedure called a Loop excision (or LLetz). this is were they cut some of the cells away. i was awake at the time and they just cut the cells out (sorry dont want to scare you but it really wasnt bad)  i was off work for a few days but nothing horrendous. unfortunately after another couple of smears, still abnormal cells so they wanted to take a bigger cut this time so agreed to 'knock me out' for it.  this was in june last year - due to start the home study same month.  i was worried this would delay things but as it was only start of hs it was ok.  had abit of a tough time with the 2nd op but im here and breathing and all is well! got my last smear results back in jan and all ok think my gynae cut away more cause he knew we were adopting and i wasnt going to get pregnant.

hope this helps - dont mean to scare you but im sure you will be fine. esp as its just been a routine smear - im sure it take a while for cancerous cells to appear so at least if u get the colpsocopy done soon it will be all good.

any questions, feel free to PM me.

lots of love camly x x x x x x 


we started home study i


----------



## emsina

Oh nic - what a worrying time for you    Afraid I only have "friend of a friend" experiences, but both those cases turned out not to be cancerous.
Thinking of you  
emsina x


----------



## nic68

Thanks girls for your replys. i am sure everything will be fine i think its that i always think the worst of things. the examination and whatever they have to do doesn't bother me. its just hoping everything is fine.  my dh keeps telling me i'll be fine and i shouldn't think to much into this. keep you posted.

nicola x


----------



## Betty B

Hello

I normally just read this thread but have been feeling really down today and need some advice  

We have been approved 5 months now, the average wait where I live is quite a bit longer than England.  The reason I am posting is we were also approved to do voluntary respite foster care (without our knowledge) we were told after we were approved, the reason being they wanted us to do voluntary respite while we are waiting,  at the time we agreed to it assuming it was one offs and the experience would be great (less chance of getting attached) to cut a long story short we did a weekend and the children were adorable the SW then told us they would like us to do this every other week I am not sure we could surely we would get attached and this would be confusing when we eventually meet our child    We just want to wait for 'our own child' I haven't told the SW yet as I am worried this will look bad and they will think we are not up to it, we coped really well and enjoyed it but we cannot do this every other week with the same children.

Does this sound selfish?? 


G


----------



## LittleMissJo

Hi Girls,

We have been potentially matched with a little poppet    

It is soooo exciting , I am going to be a mummy!  (fingers crossed if all goes to plan)

  Jo


----------



## popsi

littlemissjo... woo hooo good luck  xxx

we were approved last week .. i guess now the wait begins xx


----------



## LittleMissJo

Hi,

Thank you very much  

We were approved 4 weeks ago so very lucky  


Jo  x


----------



## Camly

well done missjo!!!!! whhoooohooooooooooooooo!! keep us posted  x x x x x


----------



## bluebells

Thought I'd better join this thread, although me and DH are having a couple of weeks 'break' from adoption at the moment.

We were approved to adopt in April '08 and since then have been linked with at least 4 children/sibling groups, had 2 home visits, one for a child we really wanted to adopt, but unfortunately that was a competitive match and the other couple were chosen. 

Still completely gutted about that and considering our options after 11 years of trying to be a Mummy and Daddy. Do we still want to carry on with this – not at the moment, no. 

Is there anyone who would be prepared to PM me so I can run through some of the questions we had on our Home Visit, which we feel didn't have anything to do with whether we would make good parents? I've been turning them over and over in my head ever since and are really struggling with the fact that we can never re-do the Home Visit, this baby is lost to us now. Our SW only gave us 1 reason that she could remember when she told us, as she was at home without her computer. She offered to run through the email from the Family Finder and SW the next day, but we couldn't face ringing her. Now she is away on holiday for a couple of weeks anyway.

Sorry for being a bit down in the dumps. You can see why I haven't posted on here since our news last week now, but I really need some advice from FF, because you know what it's like.

love Bluebells xxx


----------



## KTP71

Bluebells so sorry to hear about your recent visits and the outcome   I dont post often on this website but if you want to 
PM me-we have recently had a match but am aware of how frustrating sw can be


----------



## Tarango

hello peeps  

hope everyone is well and avoiding swine flu or just general bugs and viruses floating about ...  

it's quiet on this thread at the moment so I thought I'd drop a note on it so it doesn't go on page 2!!  

Is everyone trying not to think about the dreaded wait post adoption? I am trying not to let it take over but it is hard  

Does anyone subscribe to CWW and BMP? we have subscriberd to BMP and our LA pays for a year's membership for adoption uk whichincludes CWW .... have seen a couple of 'possibles' from them but we have been rejected when we enquire so we are still waiting... 

come on and share your news!!

have a good evening everyone 

xx


----------



## Camly

i will share...................   had a possible link, only supposed to be us, found out a month ago.....just had sw'er round to tell us they have picked another couple....       gutted.    

love to everyone x x x x x x x


----------



## mavis

ah, Camly, sorry sweetheart x


----------



## Tarango

Camly, I am so sorry matey - I know how gutted you must be    

sometimes they just get it so wrong


----------



## wynnster

Camly

I am so very sorry to hear your news  

xxx


----------



## Camly

thanks wynn. so very sad. x x


----------



## saphy75

camly sending you big      i'm so sorry

pam xx


----------



## Camly

thank u x x x


----------



## bluebells

Camly

So sorry to hear your news. Big big hugs

Bluebells xx


----------



## Camly

thanks blue.  we are gutted. we were told that we were the only couple in for this little onem social worker goes on holiday the day after for 2 weeks and then after that another 2 weeks passes, she comes and tells us that not only has another couple came into the equation but they have been chosen?  didnt think that could happen?? we are wondering if someone has messed up? x x x


----------



## emsina

So sorry Camly – it does sound like someone got their wires crossed.  Hope you receive some good news soon   .

Tarango – I had my niece and nephews (9, 7 & 5) over for the day yesterday, took them swimming and to the playground.  They are so funny and a great tonic to keep your mind off things!

Hope everyone else is doing ok.  

emsina x


----------



## smurf16

Hi All

Calmy not good, I do hope you get some good news soon.  

I feel really fed up and down today all the waiting and no news is driving me crazy  .

I know we were only approved in April but our journey to then was a long 4 years of dissapointment and tears.

Our SW has been on holiday for a week so I will be calling him this afternoon for an update,  am sure it will be the usual no news!

Sorry for the moaning I just needed to get it off my chest!

xx


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi all,

Calmy - sorry things did not work out for you - hopefully next time.  

Tracymurph - no need to appologise for moaning as we all do it.

I am also having a bad day today.  At work wondering if this matching thing will every happen.  My sister has just sent more pics and she is looking wonderful and the scan pics are great.  Why do I hate her so much!!!!  I thought by now I would be over the fact that she is pregnant and enjoying the pregnacy with her but I really can not bring myself to do that.  She is due mid Nov.  Hopefully i will be better once she has had the child.

Hope you are all well.

SJ xx


----------



## Camly

hi shaz

sorry to hear ur having a tough time.    its really hard isn't it? and we always give ourselves a hard time for feeling the way we do!!  

got our sw'er coming soon as a follow up from last week when we were 'dumped'! not sure how its gonna go......


hi and love to all x x x x x


----------



## jrhh

Oh Ladies,

I'm sending you all some         and hope you all get some good news soon        

Jacks xxxxxx


----------



## cindyp

Camly, it really sounds like someone didn't get their facts straight and it must have been so hard having your hopes raised and then dashed like that.  You have my sympathy   

Hang in ladies, hopefully your time will come sooner rather than later.

Cindy


----------



## Mx4321

Have got to say that after seeing our first pictures of our "surprise" that the wait and roller coaster of emotions were worth it.


----------



## Tarango

hello everyone  

How is everyone? Hope you are all well
I have been ill and off work for 2 days this week - sounds really lame now but it was awful - bad cold type thing (sounds even more lame now I've typed it!!)

we have sunshine here at present so may go out tonight to make the most of it .... and that I am feeling better...
at least being ill has taken my mind of the 'wait' ..... am getting very fed up with the entity which is the 'wait' .... we have decided that it doesn't look like our LA will find us our LO this year so we are going to go away in December for a bit of winter sun (obviously we won't book anything until the last minute but it's something to look forward to and diet ready for)

have a good weekend everyone

T
xx


----------



## bluebells

Hi

Nothing to report, except that our SW hasn't rung yet, even though she said she would when she got back from hols on 29th July. Hmmmmmm.

We are still really fed up – understatement of the year – about losing out on the competitive match for the baby boy and still haven't found out why we weren't chosen (apart from they *thought* I said I would not be a SAHM). We were turned down on 7th July, so it is some time ago.

May be it is policy for SW to wait until they are contacted when prospective adopters are as gutted as we were (I'm sure a common occurrence!) rather than call. But, she did say she would call and I think we need to face the music and find out why we were turned down once and for all.

I know she had 4 other links on the go, so may be they are being more successful than us and taking up her time 

Sorry for the rant, I'm fed up with waiting for a family overshadowing our lives for coming up to a 11 years and no let up yet.

Bluebells xxx


----------



## Tarango

Hi everyone and a   to Bluebells - I second the fed up feeling .... are you going to contact your SWer?

I have just seen our 'ticker' says 20 months since starting the adoption road.... and boy I feel like I have relived every minute of it recently - can you tell I'm fed up!?!?!?!?!  
no social worker, no real hope or inkling of a child in the offing, no sniff or anything .....

gggrrrrrrrrrrr

*deep breath* ...... am going to do a 'kettlebell' workout ready to fit into my bikini in December ..... a kettlebell is DH's idea and it's like a canon ball with a handle and you hold it close and fling it about and it apparently tones you up and burns fat .... mmmmmmmm

have a good evening y'all

xxx


----------



## emsina

Can I join you in being seriously fed up?  
Almost applied for a job for which, if I'd been successful would have meant giving up adoption.
DH desparate and badgering s/w with email once a week now - what's the point - it's clearly their policy that they're not allowed to tell us anything.  In fact friends look at me incredulously when I tell them we're not allowed to know anything.


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi All,

Hope you are all well.

I am another FED UP approved and waiting member.  

Tarango,  I understand how you feel with it being 20 months since you started down this road.  I am reliving every minute of the time we have been on this road and it seems like forever. 

SW phoned on monday to say still no news and that she is off next week and then two weeks in september she will be off.  Must be nice to have all these holidays to take.  

Sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with DH and I as everybody else from our Prep Group has been place and had their AO through.  We have not even had a sniff of a CPR let alone an actual match.  

SJ xx


----------



## Suzie

Just wanted to send you all lots of  hang in there ( easier said than done I know  ) 

Bluebell I would call your sw and jog them! 

x


----------



## Tarango

hello fellow fed up people  

I received a bit of news today from SS - we have been allocated a new SWer ..... having been without for 2 months-ish it is quite nice to know someone will now know us in the department... 

still feeling a bit fed up though .......

sorry the me post, just thought I'd drop on and say our news b4 tea 

xxx


----------



## emsina

That's great news Tarango - is he/she coming out to see you?  We were without a s/w for a couple of months once - u feel like you've been abandoned don't you.

Hi to everyone else


----------



## MissSunshine

Hi ladies,

Just wondering if I can join you?? 
DH and I were approved last Wednesday 5th August. We have already been matched (prior to panel), and are now waiting to read our little one's file. Can't wait.

Rhonda.XxX


----------



## LittleMissJo

Hi,

DH and I were at matching panel today and we got a Yes (in principle) yipeeeeeeeeee!

Can't believe I am going to be a mummy  

Jo x


----------



## bluebells

Hi All

Tarango - that's good news that you've got a SW again now. We have not been without a SW at any point, but I can imagine it wasn't too nice.

Jo - Congrats 

Rhonda - Wow, things are moving quickly for you. Hope this match is perfect for you, so you don't have to wait.

Hi to everyone else.

I dropped an email to our SW today. A reply to the one she sent to me saying she would be in touch when she is back from holiday. I've said we want to find out more about why we were turned down for the baby boy. I am hoping and praying that this will make it easier for us to move forward with adoption and not put us off once and for all. Not convinced at the moment and neither is DH 

love bluebells xx


----------



## HHH

Rhonda and LittleMissJO...CONGRATULATIONS..........such exciting times.....     


Good Luck to you both in the next stages of your journey to be a family

HHH


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi, this is to the fed up waiters.  I waited almost 2 years from approval panel to being linked with my son so I can totally sympathise with your feelings.  Eventually I was so fed up with waiting and hoping and never hearing any thing that I signed up for CWW and BMP.  I went through and copied down addresses and contacts from those and I sent out an A4 flyer with colour photo of us and contact details and a summary of who we were and what we expected from a match to every address/contact.  I did this for a few months.  I did not apply for the children shown in the magazines as they tend to be harder to place children but asked to be kept in mind for any children waiting on their books or who came along.  Every 6 months I sent chase up reminders to the people I had contacted and told them I was still waiting and available.  Every so often I asked for feedback on my flyer and altered my flyer to reflect this feedback.  From this networking I felt I was doing something to keep my name in their minds and I went from no sniff of a child to being considered for 5 children!  My son was one of those.  It was expensive in postage so I used emails where ever possible.  Some sw did not reply but some did and I became friendly with some of those with my repeated contacting of them.  As I was part of a large consortium I chased my sw to get a search done within the consortium at least every 6 months which she did.  I emailed my sw every month until she was sick of me    Hopefully this will shorten your wait.


----------



## emsina

Cheers Mo2


----------



## Nefe

Hi Guys

Can i please join you?? we found out yesterday that the little one we were matched with and waited a year for has been adopted by the FC  

We are gutted and now are on the road to finding a link that will all go thorugh this time.

Nefe
xx


----------



## bluebells

That's awful Nefe. Lots of hugs.  

love Bluebells xxxxxx


----------



## bluebells

Hi Mummy of 2

That's really useful advice what you say about doing a flyer to send out.

Just wondered if it is ok for everyone waiting for a match to do that. Did you tell your SW? (I guess not.) I know our LA have a profile of us, but they only send that out when there are children they think will be suitable. Obviously what you did was better, because you were letting them know about you *before* possible matches. 

It must have taken you a lot of work. How many hours a week would you say you spent on it?

Bluebells xxxx


----------



## Camly

Nefe

Im so sorry to hear that.  I really feel for u and ur dh.  take care of urselves.

lots of love camly x x x x x


----------



## emsina

Hiya Nefe - big hugs  
emsina x


----------



## Mx4321

Certainly puts my rant into context.

sorry to hear of this news Nefe.


----------



## LittleMissJo

Nefe,

That is awful news, so very sorry to hear that.


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Bluebells, it didn't take too long to do as the cww and bmp magazine are monthly so took a few hours monthly over a couple of days.  Did chase ups at other times but not too time consuming as I did it when I was feeling low about the wait as it made me feel better to be proactive.  I didn't actually make a note of how long I spent.  You are right - I did not tell my sw of my plans beforehand    But when she found out what I had been doing she congratulated me and said it made her job easier    In an ideal world your sw will find you a child but they tend to be so busy that I took matters into my own hands.  Of course, I added my sw's contact information on the flyer so she was kept in the loop and once a match was found and agreed, she stepped in and took it from there in the normal way.

Hi Nefe, how truly dreadful for you to have been left dangling in this way for so long and to have a negative outcome.  Huge huge   to you.


----------



## cindyp

Nefe, that is such sad news, my heart goes out to you both   

Cindy


----------



## Tarango

Hello, 

Nefe - I'm so sorry to hear your news, our thoughts are with you - must be gutting     

Congratulations Rhonda and LittleMissJo   

Hello Bluebells, Camly, Emsima, HHH, Mof2, Shazjohn, Jrhh, CindyP, Mx4321, Suzie (    )

 

we are just having a quiet weekend so thought I'd drop on here and say hi ...... lots of mixed news on here at the moment .... fingers crossed there'll be lots more good news soon xxx

have a good weekend 

T
xx


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi, Hope everyone is doing ok!!!!!

Nefe,  I am so sorry to hear your news.  I would not wish that on my worst enemy let alone any one of you lovely ladies (and gents) on this site.    

Well still no news from us up here in the North East.  Only 7 Weeks until we are off to Cornwall for a week (I cant wait).  We are thinking of taking our bikes down there but not sure.  We have also agreed to do the Great North Bike Ride on Sun 30 Aug  - 54.4 miles from Seahouses to Tynemouth.  Not far I hear some of you say but when you are slightly overweight (a good few stone) it is going to be hell.  But DH promises that he will stay with me and that most of it is down hill. All I know is that thank goodness I am off work on the Monday as it is bank holiday monday.  

well guess I had better get some work done now.

SJ xx


----------



## HHH

Nefe

So sorry about your heart breaking news. Hope you and DH can take some time to be good to yourselves and each other, you need it.

HHH


----------



## Ermey

Nefe,

So sorry to hear that sad news, you must be feeling heartbroken. Fingers crossed that another perfect little one will appear for you soon.

Take care of yourself

E xxx


----------



## smurf16

Hi All

Today we are suppose to be in the sunshine so that will make a change! 


Spoke to sw on Monday we have had 2 refferals from other LA's following them seeing our profile. Our sw has seen the childs details and believes they could be a match. So or form F's have been sent to both SW. One i on holiday ntil the 27th the other our SW has ldt a message but not heard back yet. Our sw will not give us any detail as h does not want t build our hopes until there is anything more concrete.
As he said at this stage several couple's detail may hve been requested. 

Just hoping and praying these refferals become more solid. Just waiting now for feedback.  

Hope everyon else is well?

Tracy
xx


----------



## smurf16

Sorry for all the mis types, very early.....................


----------



## emsina

Morning Tracy   - sounds promising - have a lovely day in the sunshine!


----------



## bluebells

Hi Everyone

Just popping in. Hot isn't it?

Good luck with your potential matches Tracy. javascript:void(0); (this is supposed to be a praying symbol, but does not work on my Mac)

We've arranged a meeting with our SW next week, to find out all the reasons we were turned down for baby boy and to see what we want to do next.

And, we've booked a holiday to Greece at the beginning of September. Yay!  It will be the first time we have been away for more than just a citybreak for years. 

love Bluebells xxx


----------



## Nefe

Thanks everyone we will defo get over this.

Tracy- sounds very promising will be looking forward to updates.

Bluebells- hope you get the answers regarding your dissapointment.

We had a sw visit today and we have told them to find us links so they are looking again. At the minute they have one that has been sent but the sw is on holiday, we will just have to wait and see what happens with this now.

Hope you are all well.

nefe
x


----------



## bluebells

Hi Everyone,

Hope you're all ok.

SW is visiting this morning to give us some answers about being turned down for the baby boy. Am hoping it will make things better not worse.

Have booked a week away in Rhodes next week. 5* hotel, special deal - we thought we deserved it. 

love Bluebells xxx


----------



## bluebells

Just realised I'd already mentioned they holiday on an earlier thread. Whoops. Can you tell I'm excited?


----------



## Camly

hi blue

hope u get some answers this morning from ur SW'er and it makes u feel bit better. quite right in booking a hol, it sounds lovely. u deserve it.

hi to everyone else.  hope ur all doing ok and not finding the 'wait' too hard.  i have been abit quiet recently on the boards - feel like i have nothing to report or say.  i feel abit   about the whole waiting......esp since we had a possible link which we were turned down for.  its soooo hard waiting.....but i know everyone else here is in the same boat.

we actually hav sun today!!! first time in about 10 days - been v depressing  

take care all.

lots of love camly x x x x x


----------



## MissSunshine

Hi all,

Just a quick question. We are getting 'Sunshines' Permanacy Care report today, what can we expect to read in it??

XxX


----------



## nic68

Hi all,

No news from us yet, still waiting to be matched - now 18mths since passing panel. i feel it gets harder and harder the longer it goes on. sometimes i feel like we are never gonna get matched, more than likely some of you will prob feel the same.

We were told by sw that there were children coming through june/july/aug but when aug came and nothing happened, we contacted to find out only to be told that unfortunately that wasn;t happening now!!. not what you want to hear.

Im keeping fingers crossed it won't be long now.

Nicola

ps nefe so sorry to hear your news, that is awful. thinking of you


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Nicola, sorry to hear of your disappointment regarding children coming through.  We had a very long wait of almost 2 years from panel to be matched with ds2 so can sympathise.   Please believe that you will get your child/ren one day and all the waiting will then be forgotten.  Our sw told us that children coming into care is cyclical and they get lots coming through the system during the summer holidays and also around New Year after the Christmas holidays.    to you


----------



## emsina

Hiya Nicola!



nic68 said:


> We were told by sw that there were children coming through june/july/aug but when aug came and nothing happened, we contacted to find out only to be told that unfortunately that wasn;t happening now!!. not what you want to hear.


Totally sympathise as we were spun exactly the same line in May and got told exactly the same as you on contacting them a couple of weeks ago 

We've been waiting considerably over a year too. Time to move on for us soon, but wish you the best of luck.

love emsina xx


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi Guys,

How are we all doing? Well still no news from the North East. SW is still on her hols so just plodding along.



ShazJohn said:


> We have also agreed to do the Great North Bike Ride on Sun 30 Aug  - 54.4 miles from Seahouses to Tynemouth. Not far I hear some of you say but when you are slightly overweight (a good few stone) it is going to be hell. But DH promises that he will stay with me and that most of it is down hill.


Well My DH Lied to me when he said most of it was down hill.   I have never biked up so many hills in my life. I think he should have said we are going from North to South and not it is all down hill. All i can say is thank god the sun was shining.

SJ xx


----------



## Ermey

Hello

Well done on your bike ride SJ, thats a huge achievment... I doubt I could cycle 5 miles let alone 54! Bet your legs are stiff!

Still plodding on here too. Has only been 8 months waiting so far but feels like double...first 6 flew by but now I am going potty. Feel a bit lost in limbo as we only see our SW if there is a specific reason but I guess thats the same for most of us

We are going to ask if we can revise our profile as neither that nor our Form F mention the amount of interaction we have with young children. 

Hope everyone is keeping sane and not climbing the walls too much.

E x


----------



## Nefe

Well done on the Bike ride SJ that is excellent. I bet you are so proud of yourself.

We are still plodding on too hope when sw come and see us next week they have some news to tell us   

Hope you are all doing ok?

Nefe
x


----------



## smurf16

Hi to All


We have had huge dissapointment too. Our sw came to see us last week as another authority were considering us for a little boy. We were one of three but on that basis our sw didnt want to share as he tries to protect us. The family finding officer told him though we were the preffered family so on that basis he came and shared the infrmation. "He" sounded perfect for our family.

Another vsist was scheduled for last Wednesday to share more info on the CPR but when our sw came on Thursday he said the child's sw wanted to look at one of the other families first as they have no children. (I have a birth daughter age  I can understand that the placement needs to be right for the child but I am gutted that we were told we were the preffered family and now we are not!  

Also worrying that the family finder and SW dont agree.

DH is devestated.

Hope some of us have great news soon.


----------



## Camly

hiya tracy

 for u and ur family.  i sumtimes think they 'wait' for hearing on a possible link/match is worse than the actual 'wait' to hear some news? we too have been trhu the same thing and its horrible.  the only thing i can say to you is it will get easier in time - thinking about this little one i mean. im sure our forever families are out there.  try and keep strong, i know its hard.  hope ur ok.  x x x x


----------



## emsina

Congratulations NickyB71  
"wee one" sounds great, and a mummy before    too!!!
My nephew had no speech as such at 22 months and could hardly string 2 words together at 2 1/2.  He's caught up now though and speaks very clearly


----------



## emsina

tracymurph and family, so sorry for your disappointment  .  Do wish SS would not lead us prospective adopters on and then let us down very UNgently  .  As you can probably tell we have suffered similar gut-wrenching experience.

Hope you get some good news soon.


----------



## smurf16

Hi All




Nicky congrats thats great news so pleased for you.

On my last post I meant to put I have a birth daughter aged 8 but when  read back a symbol appeared instead of he 8, not sure what I did there.


xxxxx


----------



## Camly

nicky - congrats!!! keep us posted. i look forward to hearing more. x x x x x 


hi to you all x x x x x


----------



## Nefe

That is great news Nicky     

Nefe
x


----------



## Old Timer

Hi 

Just popped on to wish Nefe loads of luck for today, hope your SW has some good news for you.

Nicky, our DS was delayed speech at 2yrs, came to us at 2yr 2mnths and he is now advanced for his age.  His speech picked up really quickly after placement and you could tell, we had also been told, that FCs didn't really interact with him.

Good luck
OT x


----------



## smurf16

Hi All


I am up bright and early this morning making a to d list for work as we hve the auditors in tomorrow. Yuk!

Calling sw as planned today for an update really hoping the childs sw does want to come and see us and that we are still being considered. Saying that may be better knowing its all over now rather than pre longing the agony.

We must keep positive all us "waiters" but it is so hard.  
Have a good day all.

xx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi, good luck to you when you make your phone call.  I had a really long wait for my son and I also have a birth child the same age as yours.  It will happen .... eventually


----------



## bluebells

Hi everyone,

I've been lurking but me and DH have been having a bit of a break from adoption over the last few weeks to get our heads around things.
After our last disappointment we have decided that we can only give adoption 1 more shot. Our SW is looking in our LA only and we will not be taking part in competitive matches. Also, my details are being changed to say I would be a SAHM.

I think we have been looking for excuses not to adopt over the last few weeks - protecting ourselves I guess? 

We had a really nice holiday, a bit like a 2nd honeymoon and it was so nice to have some quality time together.  We are buying each other eternity gifts, as we are still so strong together. Mine sparkles and DH's tells the time 

Good luck to everyone who is waiting for news on specific links or just waiting for any news. Will try and catch up now I am back on the adoption journey.

lots of love to you all
Bluebells xx


----------



## smurf16

So good your back on the road.


----------



## Ermey

Hi Bluebells,

Sounds like you have been having a tough time. I can relate to you saying maybe you've been looking for excuses not to adopt - it can be so hard to let yourself believe it can happen when you have had so many disappointments before.  

Your eternity gifts sound lovely and how fantastic and wonderful that you are so strong as a couple after everything - no matter what happens you will always have that.

Lots and lots of luck for the next shot     

E x


----------



## MissSunshine

Hey ladies,

Just had to share that our's and 'Sunshines' SW'ers are coming round to see me and DH at 3pm today. They will hopefully be bring a recent picture with them .....can't wait!!!

Love, Rhonda.XxX


----------



## Mummyof2

Bluebells -   to you both.  

We felt disillusioned like you as we had waited so long for ds2 to come along but we knew if we stopped adoption that would be the end of our wish to parent 2 children, rather than our ds1 alone so we plodded on for almost 4 years from our first adoption evening event to ds2 moving in, hoping that one day it would happen and ds2 would come along - and finally it did happen    

It is good that you and dh are still a strong couple.  We feel that infertility made dh and I a stronger couple but always leaves a wound in our hearts, especially when we have mc several times as well as you are always left with the pain of "if only".  

Try and keep the faith with adoption as when your adopted child does come along all the waiting is worth it and forgotten and your family will be complete.  

Rhonda - wonderful news.  Bet you can't wait.  This is a very special time - enjoy


----------



## MissSunshine

Hey all,

Well all going well we are going to matching panel for 'Sunshine' on November 18th. A bit further away than we and our SW wanted, but it's looking like she will be home before Christmas 
What a wonderful present......DH and I just can't wait!!

Love Rhonda.XxX


----------



## smurf16

Many many congrats that is great news.


----------



## emsina

Congratulations Rhonda - not long to wait now.  Have you sneakily bought anything for littlie yet?  I won't tell really


----------



## MissSunshine

Would we do such a thing............. 
We may of bought a 'FEW' things, and we started to decorate her room last week, so seems all the more real. When the SW'ers came on Friday, Sunshine's SW said she can imagine her in her room, and loves what we've got her already.......she has a feeling she going to be a little bit spoilt...!! 

XxX


----------



## MissSunshine

We've got our SW'er, Sunshine's SW'er and her FC's coming round to our house next Wednesday for a meet.....feeling a little nervous about it. What can we expect? Anyone experienced this considering we've still got just under 7weeks till matching panel.......

Thanks, Rhonda.XxX


----------



## emsina

I'd imagine you'll have the opportunity to find out all about sunshine's daily routine, her current likes and dislikes,  i.e. how long she sleeps, does she scream the house down when attempting to brush her teeth, if she has any .  Find out what items the fc is proposing to send with her.  With any luck the Fc may well be bringing some more pics of your little sweetheart.  They may set a date for a planning meeting when you will all get together to discuss when and how intros will take place.

Good luck - I'm sure all will go well and you will wonder why you were nervous  

emsina x


----------



## *katie*

Hi everyone, sorry to barge in but just wanted to say to Rhonda how very very happy I am to hear you've finally got a date for matching panel!  So pleased, and will be thinking of you next Wed too hun. xx

 to you all.


----------



## Mx4321

Regarding the intros planning meeting, one thought on this from someone who has just done intros and settled our surprise into our home. (4 weeks today was our first meeting)

We met did the planning meeting in the afternoon after spending around about 90 mins with surprise at FC's in the morning.

This was a first for our experienced FC's but after doing it this way around we and them both feel it is beneficial to get the initial intros out of the way with the child and to have a quick gauge of the childs reaction to the new parents. 

It meant that we were able to contribute more to the planning meeting after spending time with surprise rather than relyingon everyone elses opinion who had seen him.


----------



## emsina

Nicky - how did it go with the foster carers?

Mx - Re planning meeting - This seems a really sensible idea, never heard of it before.  Know you're busy but would love to know how you're getting on with your "surprise".

Hi and all the best to all waiters.

emsina x


----------



## Mx4321

Emsina we are getting on really well with surprise, he is such a treasure, the work the foster carers have performed in his development is fantastic.

We could not be happier with him, we could not have hoped to have had a birth child at his age as good as he is.

The one downside is birth parents and something we found on a social networking site relating to them, which has upset us greatly and is being downplayed by SW's at present but we will having words at 1st review meeting when I show them the offending pages.

For privacy reasons I can't although I would love to splill the beans fully and to give some advice to others who may find themselves in a similar situation in the future.


----------



## emsina

So glad your dreams are coming true. 
Good luck with the s/w's and sorting your problem.
emsina x


----------



## Tarango

hello fellow approved people  

Just thought I'd pop in and say hi  

and before anything else -    whoo-hooo to camly!!! you can graduate from this thread!!!

hope everyone else is doing ok. 

We have met our new social worker and she is lovely!
We have also been on an information exchange afternoon which was surreal but good... 
There was a place where LA's bring profiles of children waiting and also approved adopters and other Swers and approved people go round have a chat and see if there are any 'possibles'.... 

we were taken to our LA's 'table' and upon their board were adopter's profiles... guess who was slap bang in the middle ... yes us 2!!!     wouldn't have been too bad if I liked our picture - I just look scared stiff and DH needs a shave!! haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

well we wondered off and we were recognised by a few swers from our profile - prob cos i was wearing the same expression as my photo!!!!! but it was all good as we felt they had looked at our profile for us to be recognised....

spoke to some LAs close by us and have asked our SWer to follow up a lead (no specific child just a rumour of one) so we'll see if anything happens from that

we feel we have prepared ourselves for the 'big' info exchange in December so we are looking forward to that

best get back and sort some lunch 
s
have a good afternoon 

T
xxx


----------



## emsina

Nice to hear from you Tarango.
I have that expression too


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi to all you waiters out there!!!!

Sorry not been on for a while but really getting fed up with the waiting game. 

It is great to see there has been some good news on this thread.  Congratulations to you all that have something to celebrate   

Well DH and I have now decided to book ourselves a holiday - on 30th Nov we are off to the Dominican Republic for two weeks.     Knowing our luck that is when our SW will have information of us.  We have got our second 12 month review the week before we go so it will be nice to lay back and relax.  I feel like my life has been on hold for over two years (Since the start of this process) and now I though bugger it I am off.

Hope you are all well.

SJ x


----------



## popsi

Hi everyone.. hope you dont mind me posting over here.. we have a visit from a little ones social worker on Monday, we are not sure yet if we are the only couple being visited or there may  be one more.. its early days but we are so excited/terrified/emotional about it, trying not to raise hopes but its hard ... anyone have any tips for us xx


----------



## keemjay

hi Popsi, dont usualy post on here but sort of half keep an eye on you as my good friend traceymohair on the PR thread is always telling me about you!
re the meeting, there will be i;m sure a few 'isues' that glare out form the childs form E/report (cant remember what its new name is now ) so i'm sure those will be amongst the thing you will want to mention/discuss..and prob will be what the SW wants to talk about too..so think of what questions they might ask you and what a good reply might be...eg if the child has eating problems what sort of tactics might you employ or if they are a very physical child what is there locally you would be able to take them to, soft plays, gym clubs etc Big up your support networks and try and sound really positive (unless some issue is mentioned that suddenly makes you feel otherwise lol!) 
we were asked what it was that made us feel this child  might be right for us and how we were feeling..did it feel different from other children we'd been linked to and why..its so long ago now i cant remember much more I'm afraid
it is quite a nerve wracking experience but exciting too
good luck!

kj x


----------



## smurf16

Hi popsi


This sounds very exciting, really hope it goes well, update us as soon as you can.


xxxxxx


----------



## MissSunshine

Hey all,

Can't believe we're at matching panel next Wednesday!!!    All going well our SE'er thinks we'll be able to start intro's the 1st week of December!!!! I'm going to be a mummy!!!!!!!

WOOP WOOP!!!!


----------



## peacelily

Awww, that's brilliant news Rhonda - and before Christmas too  .  I was on the Miracles thread with you years ago under a different name  .


----------



## MissSunshine

Congratulations on becoming a mummy......can't wait to join the club!!XxX


----------



## MissSunshine

Nicky.....What wonderful news!!!! Huge Congratulations....     Our little Sunshine will hopefully be home not long after your's! We're going to be mummies!!

Love Rhonda.
XxX


----------



## Camly

hiya

nickyb & rhonda - great news!! we just met our daughters for the first time today so we are on a mega high!!

all of u 'waiters' its gonna happen and when it happens - it happens!!  lots of love camly  x x  x x x x x


----------



## Tarango

Camly!!!!!!

whoo-hooo I'm sooo pleased for you!!!!!

xxxxxx


hello everyone else  
xx


----------



## smurf16

Hi Calmy


That great news I am so pleased for you.  

We are having a bit of a stuggle at the mo, sw keep changing the timescales etc, we moved away from looking at other LA for links as we were told lots of v young children coming through our LA and we would know some info before xmas but yesterday told we would not know anything until after xmas and no guantees.

We have asked for a meeting with SW, so they are coming on Monday, we need some reassurance as I am completeley confused!

xx


----------



## MissSunshine

Just looked at my ticker and realise that we've only got 5 days till matching panel!!!!!!!    AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## emsina

Wow - good luck MissSunshine!


----------



## peacelily

Congrats Nicky!

Good luck tomorrow Miss Sunshine!


----------



## Nefe

wow Congrats Nicky     

That is excellent news.

nefe
xx


----------



## keemjay

Nefe your inbox is full..trying to reply to your PM!!

kj x


----------



## Nefe

Hiya Keemjay

I have deleted some stuff hun.

xx


----------



## Camly

hi all

many congrats nicky!!!! great news. cant wait to hear more  

miss sun - keep us posted.

hope all you laters are doing ok?  


lots of love as always 

camly x x x x


----------



## MissSunshine

Hey all, 

Just got home after a very long day, and the news is........................................................
APPROVED!!!!! We are officially a mummy and daddy and we meet our princess on 30th November.......it really couldn't come soon enough!!
Thank you all for your love and support,

Miss Sunshine AKA Rhonda.XxXxX


----------



## Camly

many congrats rhonda and dh x x x


----------



## peacelily

Fantastic news Rhonda & DH - so excited for you


----------



## HHH

Miss Sunshine


CONGRATULATIONS...the most wonderful and exciting news....NOv 30th is sooooooooo close........!! Enjoy it all

HHH


----------



## emsina

Rhonda and DH


----------



## Camly

whoohooooooooooohoo!!!!!!!!! best of luck nicky. not that u will need it.  its fab!!!! i can highly recommend it!!     


x x x x x


----------



## emsina

Nicky how exciting  .  I'm sure you're doing great!
emsina x


----------



## popsi

oh Nicky i am in tears with your happiness.. its fantastic, i cant wait to walk in your shoes xxx


----------



## Camly

nicky honey

fantastic feeling isnt it?  sooo very very happy for you and dh. enjoy  


lots of love camly x x x x


----------



## smurf16

Hi Nicky


That's great news. I am so pleased for you, you must be bursting with joy.


We been told now we will not get anymore updates until the New Year,   I am just going to try very hard to be patient (not my best quality) . enjoy xmas and the new year, we are going away for new year, so that will be fun.

Hi to all.

Tracy

xx


----------



## Mummyof2

NickyB71 - wonderful news     Enjoy this very special time.


----------



## minmouse

Hi Nicky,

Ive popped over from the virgins thread to see that it really does happen and its great to read your news.    Its lovely to hear how well its going.  Keep us updated
M
x


----------



## ShazJohn

Wow guys sooooo Much good news.  Congratulations to all of you!!!

We have got our 24 month review today    It is actually 24 months on the 30th but we will be on a plane to the Dominican Republic and dont think SW and Reviewing SW will want to be on the flight (HA HA).

I think the hardest part for me now is that my sister has just had a little boy just over a week ago and he is so cute but I still feel heartbreak...  Feel so guilty for it.

Still life goes on and DH and I will get through it.

Hope you are all well and I will update as and when there is any news

SJ xxxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi ShazJohn, it took us almost 2 years to be matched from approval so I know how you are feeling. It is very depressing and you wonder why you haven't been matched. I have also felt the pain of seeing other people having babies and finding it hard to feel happiness about it. Don't knock yourself as these feelings are perfectly natural as we are only human. On a practical level, have you subscribed to Be My Parent and Children Who Wait? Although featuring harder to place children, I found that the contact information for social workers that they give is invaluable. I used these printed sw contact details to send off an introduction sheet for my family. I did an A4 sheet with a photo at the top. I wrote briefly about who we were, our likes and dislikes and added a bit at the bottom about the sort of child we were looking for. Whilst expressing why I did not feel we were the right family for the child they had advertised, I asked them to keep us in mind if a child came along that would suit us and that needed to be placed out of their area. I added a covering letter along the lines of:-

"Please find enclosed an introduction sheet, introducing our family.

We were approved at Panel by xxx Council in xxx 200x but have not yet been matched with a child.

Our Social Worker, xxx, and Family Finder, xxx, suggested we compile this introduction sheet to send to neighbouring authorities with a view to raising our profile within the Family Finding teams and notifying you that we are still awaiting a match.

I would be very grateful if you would look through your child profiles to see if a suitable match can be found and bear us in mind for any profiles that come through in the future."

I stressed the things we had or did that would help a child i.e. my husband taught football training to children aged 3-7 years old and I helped out at a Mums and Tots group once a week. I pointed out we had a large, secure garden ideal for children, I listed our pets. That sort of thing.

I also contacted the Adoption Register every 2-3 months and asked them to do a search for me. http://www.adoptionregister.org.uk/adoreg/default.asp?psg=2

Eventually I was being considered for 5 children! Our son was one of those. I am sure if I had left it to my sw to find my child I would still be waiting. Also it helped me to feel more proactive.

Hugs to you for your long wait.

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that fertilityfriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


----------



## Ermey

Is anyone else feeling down about christmas?    

Sometimes I feel like this is never going to happen ... how do you stay thinking positive? It seems like such an impossible dream sometimes that I can't imagine it happening any more than I can imagine climbing Everest!    I even wonder whether we are kidding oursleves and whether it will even be worth it after all this waiting - I mean how can any child live up to that!    I guess it doesn't help that in the last week we have had a spate of pregnancy and birth announcements, some of our friends are onto their 3rd.


Hope everyone is coping ok


----------



## bluebells

Huge hugs Ermey,

I know exactly what you are going through. Much the same is happening to me at the moment. Babies seem to be popping up everywhere!

Can you treat yourself to a mini break before Christmas, to give yourself something else to look forward to?

Please don't lose hope. Please PM me if you need a chat.

love from Bluebells xxxxx


----------



## Dee Jay

Hi Ermy and Bluebells
Just wanted to reply to both of your posts.

On 20th November last year DH and I went to panel and were approved, in no time at all Christmas Day came and I really wasn't looking forward to it, as like the previous 10 Christmas Days I sat with family and friends and longed to have my own family and felt that same sense of emptiness that you are both describing.

On Monday 30th November this year we legally adopted our beautiful little girl and I cannot tell you just how much I am looking forward to Christmas this year. 

I hope that my experience will show you that it does happen (for us when we least expected it) and you will be Mummies and you will look forward to Christmas, don't loose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel, and keep your hopes up,

sending you both the biggest hug,
lol
D
xxx


----------



## Camly

hi girls

i just wanted to give you all a big massive    alot of people love christmas but i know that alot of people dont look forward to it.  i just wanted to say that i have felt the way you have also.  its hard going but please try and stay positive. IT WILL HAPPEN!! 

lots of love camly  x x x x


----------



## smurf16

Hi All

It is a really tough time xmas. Following on from our last visit, we were told to relax, enjoy Christmas (easier said than done) as we would not hear anything now until January.

So we are going to crack on and do just that.   

We have booked to go away new year and are getting sorted with all our odd jobs. 

It was my DD 9th Birthday the weekend so I am recovering from a sleepover for 4 9 year olds!!! 

(p.s i have changed my profile name back to my original in 07, bit more discreet)

Smurf

xx


----------



## superal

Christmas time can be a difficult time for lots of people and when you are in a situation where your waiting to have your family placed with you its even harder.

It is true that SS don't like to place children before Christmas BUT this does not stop you being informed of children and I do know of children being placed before Christmas so don't give up just yet.

Remember that you will get there and what a Christmas you will have next year!!!!  Its a hard process....no one said it would be easy BUT I can promise you all that are waiting that once you have your children with you, you will forget this waiting time and be thinking its as though they have never not been with us.


Hoping that the new year brings lots of good news for every one....I know some of you are finding it really hard.....hang on in there, be strong & it will happen.

Love
Andrea
xx


----------



## MissSunshine

Hey all,

Just a quick post from me....... 
DH and I have just put our 'Sunshine' to bed. It was placement day today(so it can happen just before Christmas) She really is the best thing that has ever happened to us, and when we put her to sleep in her cot I burst into tears ....... for so long I never thought this day would come, and now it's happened, we're so overwhelmed. I can't believe how much love is in my heart just bursting out!! She's so precious.

To everyone who is waiting, hang on in there. I know it's easy for me to say now.......but my goodness, when it happens, it's soooooooooo worth the wait!!

Love to all,
a very very proud and exhausted Rhonda.XxX


----------



## Mummyof2

Nicky and Rhonda - huge congratulations to you both.  Special but very tiring and scary time when they first move in.


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi Guys,

Wanting to wish you all a MERRY Christmas!!!  

Nicky - Congratulations on getting your little one home.

Mum of 2 - thanks for all your advice...

We at long last have got some GOOD News to tell you all - After just over 2 years of waiting we got THE Phone Call yesterday.....  We have been matched with a little boy of 11 months....  (My Mouse)  I still cant believe it has happened as SW is on holiday and we were in the car bringing the dog back from a walk along the beach when SW phone and it took a while to sink in that she would be at our house with Mouse's details in less than 2 hours!!!  I have never cried so much - my poor DH had to concentrate on the driving -  I don't think I could have.

They are planning for us to go to matching panel on 12 Jan and then start inros on 20 Jan - depending on DHs Job as his HR department are off until 4 Jan...  

BP understand that Mouse needs to be adopted and are not contesting it .

Well hope you all have a fab time over christmas and I will speak to you all soon - DH and I are off out to celebrate now!!!

Love SJ XX


----------



## Camly

hiya shaz

[fly]CONGRATULATIONS!!!!![/fly]

FANTASTIC NEWS!!! so very very happy for you and ur dh. looking forward to hearing more. x x x

Hi to all you virgins out there. stay positive and here's hoping 2010 is a good 'un!     

Merry Christmas all x x x x x x x x x


----------



## popsi

shazjohn.. i am so happy for you .. its an amazing moment when you get that call      .. have a FAB christmas but you are no doubt like me wanting it over ready for panel (ours is on 18th  ) !

Merry Christmas to all you other wonderful mums and dads in waiting you time will come and when it does its AMAZING !! i promise you 

xoxoxoxoxo


----------



## ritzi

SHAZJOHN - so so delighted for you - its been a long haul for you  

OMG how exciting your last peaceful christmas  

ritz   woo hoo hoo


----------



## wynnster

Fab fab FAB news Shazjohn           

So chuffed for you    Hope it's a smooth sailing from here to placement and beyond - Wow 11 months how magical  

Enjoy your last Christmas as a couple


----------



## Tarango

Whhoooo-hhoooooooo Shazjohn!!!!! 
[fly]       [/fly]

Soooo pleased for you - how exciting!!!!

Merry Christmas everyone!!   

xxx


----------



## Nefe

That is fab news ShazJohn           

Nefe
xx


----------



## Mummyof2

ShazJohn - what wonderful news - I am so very pleased your time has finally come


----------



## Misty C

Fantastic news S&J, what a wonderful Christmas you are having.
Love
Misty C
xxxxx


----------



## smurf16

Shazjohn that is so wonderful.    

Lets hope 2010 brings good news to all us waiters, have a fab New year all.


xx


----------



## superal

AT long last shazjohn.......so VERY very pleased for you both...............enjoy every minute you have waited so long for this moment and truly deserve it!

Love Andrea
xxx


----------



## Old Timer

Congratulations ShazJohn!!!!

What a fantastic Christmas present for you both.  I am so pleased to read your news, you will make great parents and when you meet your DS all the waiting and frustration will faded in to the background.  Enjoy getting ready for your new arrival and get as much rest as you can now while you can.

OT xx


----------



## emsina

Congratulations ShazJohn u must be over the moon


----------



## nic68

congratulations ShazJohn thats fab news 

Nic x


----------



## ShazJohn

Hi guys,

Thanks for all your messages - Just to let you know Matching Panel said YES!!!!!!!!!!    

So we will meet mouse next wed and then bring him home two weeks today!!!  

We are so so excited

SJ xx


----------



## Old Timer

Congratulations!!!

Enjoy intros and beyond, it won't be long before it feels as though he has always been with you and all that waiting and frustration will fade into the background.

OT x


----------



## Mummyof2

ShazJohn -  Hurray        Don't forget to change your profile to reflect your wonderful news


----------



## Camly

fantastic new shaz. many congrats. look forward to hearing all about ur intros. x x x x x


----------



## superal

Thats great news shazjohn...............time to update your tickers and your signature....you can at long last write matched and no longer waiting to be matched!!!!!!


----------



## smurf16

Hi Shazjohn

That is so wonderful, you will meet your son in 3 days, fantastic.

Our sw is coming to visit us tomorrow, I am praying it is a view to some news, pls pls pls pls.

   

smurf

xxxx


----------



## nic68

Hi All,

Feeling a bit down at the moment, had a profile to look at and we were happy that everything was just what we wanted. But on the hearing it was decided that the child would be placed out of the area, so the possibility of us at last being matched was gone. we were guttered, and to make things worse we have been told that there is nothing in the pipeline until at least June/July. I now feel that we are never going to be placed.  

nic x


----------



## wynnster

so sorry to hear of your recent link, so annoying that they approach people before having the important bits sorted first  I'm sure they think we're not human  (or maybe it's that SW's dont have feelings  )

The waiting is the hardest bit in my opinion and you're not alone in feeling the way you do BUT when it finally happens this wait will be all in the past and will be an insignificant part of the process 

xxx


----------



## Camly

hi all

hope everyone is well.

nic - im sorry things are not going too well at the moment. please try and not get too disheartened. we were always told that we would have a 'much longer' wait for siblings....6 months after being approved we heard about a little girl and the BM was pg and we would have had the opportunity of having the baby also. sadly this didnt work out for us as another couple were picked. again w were told it would prob be quite a wait as there was 'nothing in the pipeline' - 2 months after that we heard about our daughters and they are just perfect! (well obviously not all the time )

try and keep ur chin up. it _will _happen.

lots of love to you all

camly x x x x x


----------



## nic68

Thank you for your messages. I know that when we are matched we will forget about all the upset, and know the wait was worth it.

Hopefully it wont be too much longer.

nic x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Nic68, this happened to us as well.  We had a very long wait of almost 2 years from panel approval, like you and it was extremely disheartening.  After we were approved at panel our LA decided that it was in their looked after children's best interests to be placed out of area to make sure that bp did not know where they were and to ensure that the children didn't bump into bf on days out etc.  That policy of adopting out of area was no good to us as we lived in area    We were repeatedly told that there might be a child for us but then told that unfortunately they were being placed out of area so we could not be considered.  Drove us up the wall and we seriously considered moving across the border so we could be considered after all as the county border is only 2 miles from where we live.  In the end we decided to contact neighbouring authorities ourselves in the hope that they were also placing out of area ie us.  This worked and our son came from a neighbouring authority.  How we went about contacting neighbouring authorities was by sending out a profile of us on an A4 sheet - what sort of people we were/hobbies/jobs/described our house/pets etc.  We put a photo of us at the top of the page.  At the end we put what sort of child we were approved for and how we felt we could best give a child a good life with us ie consistent boundaries, lots of fun outings etc.  I always feel better when I am being proactive and not waiting endlessly for that call from our SW.  I also signed up to Be My Parent and Children Who Wait publications and used the contact details in those books to send off our profile to.  In the end we were being considered for 5 children, one of whom was our son.  Good luck.


----------



## nic68

Thanks for that mummy of 2. i did e-mail a couple of other agencies a while back but all i got back from them was that i needed to stay with my own agency and that they normally place in their own area otherwise they have to pay to place out.  i will push our social worker to see if she has any idea of what maybe coming through for their legal panel, as we are the only ones left in our group to be placed and in the meantime i will just try and keep myself busy and keep my fingers crossed.

Nic x


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Nic, how annoying that your local agencies are placing "in area" so that rules you out.  Yes it is true that they have to pay your agency if they place a child with you. However, as lots of agencies have children that cannot be placed "in area" they often do a swap with a neighbouring authority that also wants to place out of area. These children are usually placed out of area if the birth parents/birth relatives/friends of those groups are considered a potential threat to the adoptive parents.

You have to stay with your agency for 3 months to give them time to match you with their children and then you can look elsewhere to be matched with a child - have you asked your sw if they are looking at neighbouring authorities for children for you as there seems to be none with them? Is your agency part of a consortium? Lots are nowadays.

I pushed my sw a bit which they don't like as they are so busy and dh thought we were waiting so long as we were on some sort of black list for being pushy but I don't believe that myself. I think it is the ones who sit waiting patiently who get forgotten. I used to ring/email my sw every month to ask what progress had been made. Sometimes she got a bit shirty with me. In the end I was given the direct email of our family finder and used to email her every month as well. Of course, I was pleasant with them as I wanted them on my side. In the end I built up quite a rapport with my sw and family finder from the regular contact and we exchange Christmas cards and emails even now, from time to time.

Are you on the national adoption register? You can self refer. See http://www.adoptionregister.org.uk/adoreg/default.asp I used to chase them every 6 months and ask them to do a search for me which they agreed to do as I had been waiting for a child for so long. They send any information on potential matches to your sw.

I hope your search is soon over. 

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that fertilityfriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


----------



## wynnster

It is tough going, waiting  

I would just say though that I too took things into my own hands and emailed several other agencies and asked them if I could forward our profile for their records, a few didn't reply at all, a few said no they have a large enough 'pool' but the majority said yes.  I must have sent 50 emails...... anyway one of those that we sent our profile to got us matched with our gorgeous DS    As a neighbouring authority we should have come up when they searched outside their area anyway but so would plenty of other adopters too  

There was a link to all the adoption angencies contact emails somewhere but I can't seem to find it.... i'll post the link later if i do


----------



## nic68

Hi mummy of 2,

Yes i think our agency is part of consortium, we did get couple of details from a swap day that another sw went to but unfortunately the children were older than we want.  we are on the adoption register and I am going to contact them to see if our details have been given out and how many times.  i will also keep pushing sw.

thanks for your message.

nic x


----------



## wynnster

Hi All

Anyone heard from Shazjohn?  - Hope you're busy enjoying being a Mummy SJ  

xxx


----------



## Moppit

Dear Approved and Waiting Ladies

Very excited at being able to officially move to this thread from Adoption Virgins having been approved at panel this morning! Sure the euphoria of panel approval will wear off but for now feels really good that there is nothing now standing in our way of being approved adopters. I know it may still be a long wait for a child but at least we know it will happen and its just time now. I have wanted to be a Mummy for so long and finally today there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Moppitx


----------



## Camly

moppit

[fly]whoohoooooooohhohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!![/fly] fantastic news and a great feeling!! here's hoping your wait is a short one.

lots of love camly x x x


----------



## popsi

moppit...  woo hoo welcome over this side now.. hope your wait is a short one xx


----------



## barbaramary

Just crashing this thread - I've been looking at your posts every now and again Moppit and just want to say Congratulations - that's fantatic news and I hope the wait now isn't too long.


----------



## Moppit

BM - How lovely to hear from you! Have PM'd you.

Moppit x


----------



## Moppit

Well one day after being approved and the euphoria has definately warn off because of the stark realisation that passing panel doesnt really change a great deal in terms of how long its going to be before we actually become parents. Yesterday I felt it was really something to celebrate but I think that its now sinking in that it could be a very long wait. 

Did all of you feel like this shortly after gettign approved? What is your advice for passing the months that are likely to go by before we hear anything let alone get a match. 

Feels like this period will be the hardest of all as up until now we have always been working towards something and now its just out of our control until a match comes up.

Moppitx


----------



## Camly

hiya moppit

many congrats again on being approved. its a great feeling but yes i do understand what u mean about coming back to earth with a bump!    when we were 'waiting' everyone always said try and plan as much just the 2 of u as u can as u wont have the time once u have a littlie.......always thought 'yeah, whatever?!'.............. but seriously! have nights out, nights in, weekends away, holiday if possible etc etc.  im lucky if i can go for a pee myself just now without having 1 of my DD's wanting to come up! yes, whilst on the loo     its only now that i can say that we didnt wait that long...9 months since being approved but at the time it seemed like forever. nothing worse than waiting on phone ringing or waiting on a letter.  sorry, not really 'selling' this to u am i?  sorry but all i can say is once it happens its great!! here's hoping u have a short wait x x x x


----------



## Tarango

Hello ladies

First of all, big congratulations to Moppitt & Mr M on being approved      
We were all excited once we were approved and it took a week or so for the realisation to set in that we were in another 'limnboland' that is A&W (approved and waiting). I must admit I came crashing down   . I hope your 'wait' is a short one.

Hello everyone else, hope you are well    

as for us...... we are still waiting for test results to come back.... thought it had been done 4 weeks ago but got told today it had only been done 2 weeks ago   they get the results back soon.....

xxx


----------



## emsina

Moppit - Congratulations on being approved!  Echo Camly - enjoy going to the loo solo while you can  
emsina x


----------



## Moppit

Hi Ladies

A quick question from me. We are currently editing the profile 'advert' that our SW has put together to be given to SW's in other LAs. We are broadly happy with what she has suggested with a few edits but I note that she has put down that we would consider 1 or 2 children aged 0-4. We have always said to her that if a singleton we would want to wait for a child 0-2 and only if its siblings would we consider 0-4 but at the moment the profile reads as though we are generally okay with any children aged 0-4. Do you think I should push back on the age detailed on the profile or is it normal to put a broader range than you would generally be happy to accept. We have had this conversation a number of times with her and she always seems to revert to the view that 0-2 is too narrow but I know that we wouldnt accept a child of 4 as we really want to make sure we bond before they go to school and this wouldnt give time for this. The last thing I want to happen is to see profiles of children aged 4 and to have to turn them down and therefore annoy everyone but at the same time I have a feeling that my SW is going to disagree with narrowing the age range.

Any advice very gratefully received.

Moppitx

PS - I note that some people are approved for a specific age at panel. This didnt happen to us. We were just approved in general no recommendations were made on age or anything else.


----------



## Ermey

HI Moppit, congrats on being approved - I know just what you mean about that weird feeling of a a new limbo!

ISn't it frustrating when SW's just don't seem t listen or just seem to have their own ideas. As someone who has had to turn down 2 different child profiles, I found it an upsetting and stressful thing to do so I would tend to think its better to be firm with your SW as the last thing you want is to be presented regularly with single children older than you wish and then have the stress and guilt of turning them down. You shouldn't have to feel guilty if in your heart  you know its not right for you bbut unfortunately we are all only human and you do end up feeling terrible if you have to turn down profiles, and our SW gave us quite a grilling about our reasons even thought we know we did the right thing. 

She may think 0-2 is too naroow purely because she knows you will have to wait longer and from her perspective she may be seeing older children come through the systme more often and think you would be great for them. HOWEVER its your life and your decision and if you know that the younger age group is what you long for then I would ask he to clarify it more...it could save mix ups and misunderstandings with her at later dates.

This is only my perspective of course and the other lovely ladies on here may have better/different/moe helpful suggestions!  

Ermey


----------



## emsina

Hiya, we were also approved for 1-2 children.  Our profile read
"if considering a single child, we have a preference for under x years".
Best of luck!


----------



## Chocolate Button

I am so excited to be able to join you over here. 
We were approved on Wednesday night and hope we don't have too long to wait until we are matched. 
Look forward to sharing this journey with you all. xx


----------



## Dee Jay

Huge Congratulations hun, what great news - may your wait be short.
lol
Dxxx


----------



## nic68

Congratulations and welcome to our board. Hope your wait is not a long one x


----------



## Mummyof2

Huge congratulations to you Chocolate Button.  This is the hardest part - the long wait.  May your wait be short  

Moppit - we were approved for any sex child aged 0-3.  We were only considered for boys as some people specify a girl only and there are more boys put up for adoption than girls.  This annoyed me as we wanted to be considered for either sex as agreed at panel.  How about meeting sw halfway and saying 0-3 as personally I think that 0-3 widens the gap a bit.  In reality due to all the legal paperwork and to give birth parents a chance to have the children placed back with them if they can prove they can be fit parents, most children tend to be placed with adoptive parents between 18 months old and 2.5 years of age so you putting 0-2 does cut out a wide chunk of children.  Children at 2.5 years are still babies in lots of ways and very easy to bond with.  My little son is now 3 and still a baby in lots of ways too, although he is speaking well and trying to do lots of things himself now.  You don't have to send your child to school until they are 5 years old if you don't want to.  That is the legal age.  Nursery at aged 3-4 is optional.  Therefore you would have lots of time to bond before school with a child of 3.  Of course the final decision is up to you


----------



## nic68

Moppit,

When we started on the adoption road we put down a girl under 12mths or if siblings 0-2yrs. we changed that after a year of waiting to 0-2yrs for single girl and up to 4yrs old for oldest sibling but youngest sibling still up to 2yrs, hoping to give us a better chance to be placed. At present another year down the line we are still waiting to be placed. I am still keeping the ages as i changed to and keep hoping that it won't be much longer now. Ours has been a long wait as there has not been any girls coming through in our age there seems to have just been boys.

At the end of the day the decision is up to you but i do agree with mummy of 2 that you can still bond before they start school, and you still have the rest of your life with them.

Nic x


----------



## Moppit

Lovely Ladies

Thanks so much for your posts on age which are incredibly useful. I have ended up amending the profile to say 0-3 which seemed like a compromise between what we had originally discussed 0-2 and what our SW recommended 0-4. I have asked for my SW's input on whether or not we should specify between the ages of a single child vs a sibling group and am awaiting a reply on that.

Nic - I'm sorry your wait has been so long. The experiences on these boards show that it can be a long time between being approved and being matched and I am steeling myself for many months of waiting whilst being hopeful that it might happen this year. I find it really hard to reconcile the knowledge that there are children out there that need parents and yet the process seems to take so unbelievably long to actually match them to the likes of us. Something just seems flawed in the process I think but I know I can't change it and just have to be patient as you have been. I feel sure that 2010 will be the year for you and it is definately worth hanging on for what you really want. This is a life long commitment and we all have to make sure its right.

Mummy of 2 - Really useful insight thank you and I have taken your advice and put 0-3. Will now see if our SW agrees... assume she has to? I hadnt really thought about the boy vs girl thing. Why is that more people apply for girls? Is there a sense that they would be easier? My DH and I are not concerned about the sex of the child as we feel that fate will lead us to either a boy or a girl in the same way as if we had had a child naturally. Perhaps this is naieve.... If anything my DH in particular is keen for a boy which it sounds like might be helpful in the matching process.

Ermey - Thanks for your advice. I totally agree with you on being firm with the SW and feel that now we have been approved we can afford to be firmer than we were before!

Chocolate Button - Welcome to the board my friend! So pleased we are entering the next stage together and have everything crossed that we'll be graduating to the next board before the end of the year!

Mx


----------



## Tarango

hello, 

Just thought I'd pop on and say after 3 months of waiting for additional info - we have got a 'date' with little one's SWer (although date tbc) - whoo-hoooooooo

very excited!!
just hope it goes all the way  

hope everyone is ok xxx

a very dreamlike T


----------



## Moppit

Tarango - This is fantastic news! You must be so pleased! Good luck with teh SW and fingers crossed that it all moves forward quickly now.


----------



## jan welshy

fantastic news. I hope it all goes smoothly for you.
L
Welshy


----------



## smurf16

Morning to all fellow waiters


Thought I would post as this thread has gone a little quiet, I hope that's a sign we are all getting news....

We are still waiting but it seems our LA do have a link in mind but need to sort out one issue that is not resolved. Really hoping this will be sorted within the next four weeks, we can hopefully then find out some details. It could all still go wrong but I am remaining positive.

Any updates from anyone out there.

Take care 

xxxx


----------



## Tarango

Hi Smurf, 

I hope you get some good news soon -        - fingers crossed your LA sort their query out snappy so you can get some details!!!

hello to everyone else  

xxx


----------



## bluebells

Good luck Smurf and Tarango. Hope you and everyone else who is waiting has some good news soon.

Nothing to report here. Have to have 2nd medical since approved this week (hoping only minor checks) and then keep waiting.

love from Bluebells xxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Moppit - glad to have been of help   Hope your wait is short  

Bluebells - we had to have 2 medicals as we waited so long.  The second medical was much more of a formality than the first one - just asked if there were any changes, looked at our GP attendance, checked weight and blood pressure and that was it - took about 10 mins!  We had to pay for our first one but not our second one as our LA said our long wait was down to their failure to match us, which I thought was fair of them.    to you for the long wait as I know how disheartening it is but we got there in the end and so will you


----------



## Mx4321

Thought I would share our news on this thread. In less than two weeks surprise will be legally ours.

This time last year I was on here moaning about the percieved lack of activity by our SW, the feeling that we were in limbo after the highs of approval and then nothing.

So for all you waiting things can change very quickly so make the most of this time and make sure you have plenty of lie ins as once matched those long lazy mornings are a distant memory.


----------



## Oceania

I'm so pleased to be joining you all on this thread.
Congratulations to everyone it is lovely reading your current posts, especially you lucky ones that have been matched or have a child placed, It is such fantastic news.
Oceania x


----------



## Moppit

Having a very down day today. Whilst everyone around me has their spirits lifted by the sunshine and the arrival of Spring for me I find its bittersweet. Everywhere I went at the weekend there were families playing out in the sunshine, people pushing buggies and swings. Doing all the things I long to do. Somehow I thought or I dreamt at least that finally this Spring/Summer that would be me. As the weeks go by I think I realise that it won't be. Its probably going to be another summer and another Autumn and probably another Christmas before I even get close....All my friends seem to have exciting things in their lives whether it be babies, new houses or holidays to plan but we seem stuck, stuck in this limbo where we can't plan anything but nothing happens either. I long to have something to look forward to but we can't spend money or use holiday incase we need it this year.... its so depressing. 

Its 3 years almost to the day since I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure and although I know for many that seems like a short time I just can't believe that 3 whole years on and we are no nearer to actually being parents. 

I know I have to stay positive and believe but do you sometimes have days where you just want to get off the roller coaster for a while and wallow?  Everyone asks us endlessly about whether we have had any news and we reply positively saying no but we didnt expect to yet and we are fine about it. What a lie.... I know its only been 12 weeks but I think I allowed myself to believe that we would hear something quickly after panel. How stupid....

Sorry for the me post.... feeling really down today...


Any advice from you lovely ladies about how to survive the wait for matching whilst staying sane....

Mx


----------



## curvycat

I have pm'd u moppit

As for staying sane I thought the job description meant that was the last thing we were supposed to be!!


----------



## Tarango

Hi Moppit

sending you    
the wait for a match is sooooooo hard, much worse than the wait going through home study etc..... 

I had some really down days thinking it would never happen, to keep occupied, I had a good old clear out of the surplus in our house (mostly DH's stuff   ), we were also very fortunate that we were able to plan to go on holiday so we had going to the gym to tone squishy bits in the run up to the holiday and then chilling out on holiday etc

Are you in contact with your SWer? Have they given you an update on how things are going? Any children coming through? Are you in a consortium? Any possibles in there? Are you going to join the national register?

Have you had to make a profile or flyer? Our SWer did ours but friends of ours had to make their own (same LA) - if you haven't got one maybe you could make one up?

take care, I hope you hear some news soon 
T
xxx


----------



## Mummyof2

Moppit - I can remember feeling exactly the same as you.  It will happen one day and your dreams will come true and then all the waiting will seem insignificant.   to you.  As someone has already said, why not produce a flyer and send it to local agencies?  I did this.  I bought the Children Who Wait and Be My Parent magazines and used the contact details in there to send off the flyer to, introducing our family to sws.  We waited 2 years from being approved to being matched so it can take a loooooooong time.


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hi everyone

Just wondering if I can join you?? I recognise some of you from the 'virgin' thread.  Early days yet but we got approved at panel last week - am so relieved - can't wait for the next adventure to begin.

Cath xx


----------



## Tarango

hello everyone, and a big 'hi there and hello' and big welcome to Cath - Shoe Queen (love the name!!!)  
congratulations on panel! hope your wait is a short one xxx

just thought I'd pop on and say hi  



xxx


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## Moppit

Cath/Shoe Queen - Remember you from the virgins thread. Huge congratulations on getting through panel! Fantastic news!!! Now the wait begins. Hope it won't be a long one. Mx


----------



## Oceania

CONGRATULATIONS Cath-Shoe Queen 
Hi to everyone else 
Oceania xx


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hi

Thanks Tarango, Moppit & Oceania

Im not too worried about the wait, I just know we are on the way!!! We have been told there are plenty of little ones to adopt in my area and surrounding areas but whether they will be a match for us - we will have to wait and see.

Hope you are all ok and looking foward to a lovely weekend!!

Cath xx


----------



## Moppit

Hello Ladies!

Not many posts on here these days I guess because none of us have any news to report  

No different for me but wanted to ask if any one has done any proactive work to get matched. I have heard about some couples doing mass mail outs to LAs etc and wondered if any of you had done this. 

We were approved in February and havent even heard a whisper of a profile let alone a match and beginning to feel quite despondent. Our SW tells us there are no children coming through in our LA in teh short term and just feel I need to do something, anything to try and move this forward....

Any ideas other than looking in the children who wait/be my parent magazines?

The SW has mentioned going to an exchange day but has warned us it is unlikely to be that useful for us. Anyone been to one?

Mx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi, sorry you are feeling fed up with the waiting.  It does get you down.  We waited 2 years from panel approval and thought it would never happen but it did.  We went to several exchange day events but it always seemed to be the harder to place children that were being publicised.  We still went though to get our faces known and to meet the sws that attend.  I also did mass emailing of our family sheet which was an introduction sheet of our family - A4 size with a colour photo at the top.  I did a paragraph on each of us, our house, our pets, what we could offer to a child and what sort of child we were waiting for.  I got the email addresses from children who wait and be my parent.  I didn't bother to email more than 30 miles from my house as I knew I wouldn't be considered by sw if I went too far away from my la.  I also contacted the children's register at regular intervals.  Hope this helps


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hi everyone

Moppit - I went to an exchange day last Thursday in our area and whilst we had been told (as Mummyof2 mentioned) they generally profile the children who are harder to place we thought we would go along anyway and see what it was all about.  The whole thing was quite strange because of what we were doing I guess and all the different local authorities in our area had profiles of children and their pictures and basically we had to walk around reading the profiles to see if any of them were suitable for us.  We are quite restriced in our age bracket because we already have a birth child, the child we adopt has to be at least 2 years younger.  A lot of the children were around 3 years + and there were sibling groups too.  We were interested in one little boy but when we spoke to his social worker, we discovered there were to many problems that we just could not take one so whilst we were disappointed we know our child is out there somewhere.  It really is a waiting game now, I know it can seem as if nothing is happening but I am sure things will happen soon for you.

xx


----------



## Moppit

Thanks Shoe Queen - Received the details of the London Exchange Day yesterday which is run by the National Adoption Register. We will definately go but will try not to get our hopes up too much. At least by going we will feel like we are doing something. I think one of my problems is that I am not used to things being out of my hands. I just want to be able to do something to move this whole thing forward but the reality is that it isnt really in my control to do that, something I need to accept!

Mummyof2 - Thanks for the words of wisdom and advice about contacting other LAs. Very useful. First thing I have done is to tap into everyone I know to see if they have any direct contacts with other LAs or Social Workers. Once I have exhausted this route I am going to do a mail out as you suggest. Can't hurt and again will make me feel as though I am doing something proactive even if it doesnt come to anything.

You mentioned contacting the children's register and I note in the information that there is a phoen line. What information can they give you? I don't think you can go on and search yourself can you? 

Mx


----------



## Mummyof2

Hi Moppit. Glad to help as I remember how I felt waiting for almost 4 years from first contact with an agency to bringing ds2 home. It was very hard.

In my opinion there are several ways you can take a proactive part in finding your child and I have listed them again in an easy to read format: 
Subscribe to Children Who Wait - Adoption UK's family finding magazine and companion online service features details of more than 100 children needing families each month. And/or subscribe to Be My Parent which is BAAF's family finding magazine. From these publications jot down contact details of any nearby adoption agencies and send out an introduction flyer. 
Attend Exchange Days - these bring together agencies, with details of children they are hoping to place, and adopters waiting for a child. They tend to promote harder to place children but it gets you known to social workers from neighbouring authorities. 
Use the Adoption Register for England and Wales - a database of children needing adoption, your agency should forward your details to the Register within three months of approval, if you have not been matched or linked with any children before then. If your agency has not contacted the Adoption Register within 3 months you can go direct to the Adoption Register and register yourself. Then you can ring up the Adoption Register and ask them to do a search for you of their database to see if a match comes up. You can ring them and ask for a personal search every 6 months. 
Make flyers - send out details about yourselves to other agencies with children to place. Stress your good points and how you feel you could help a child develop their potential as part of your family. Stress how you can meet children's needs ie do you live in an area with lots of child friendly places eg parks, soft play, swimming pool etc. Do you work with children? What experience do you have with children? That sort of thing. Include a colour photo of you both to make the flyer more personal and to stand out on the social worker's desk.


----------



## jan welshy

Moppit, and everyone who are waiting post approval. Dreams do come true. We waited 5 yrs from first contact and interviews, then 3 yrs post approval (with lots of heartache and disappointment). We knew our child was just waited to becoome just that our child! This March she came to us in a blaze of Sunshine and she has been the biggest blessing in the world, and for more than one reason. Hang on in there, your child will come to you.

L
Welshy, DH and Sunshine X


----------



## Moppit

Morning Ladies

Posted this on the prospective adopters thread too so apologies if you are reading this for a second time but wasnt sure how much cross over there is and thought it would be interesting to those on the approved and waiting board too.

Just a quick one from me to highlight a programme that was on Radio 5 yesterday. Some of you may remember a radio programme on adoption about 6-9 months ago which I mentioned where a number of prospective adopters were interviewed anonymously on the trials and tribulations of the process. It was really interesting and there was a call in afterwards which also had various adopters experiences on it. Yesterday there was a follow-up to the original programme with one of the adopter couples coming back now that their little girl has been placed with them talking again about the process and their experiences around placement. It will be on the Radio 5 website for 7 days I think and is well worth a listen if you have a chance. The link is:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00sr3x4#segments

Hope all is well with everyone. No news from me. Almost 5 months since approval and havent seen one profile so I think its going to be a long old wait!

Moppit x

/links


----------



## Mummyof2

Thanks for that - very informative    Hope your wait is a short one


----------



## Shoe Queen

Hi everyone

Welshy - congratulations on your little Sunshine - hope the 3 of you are enjoying your time together!! As you say, dreams do come true!!

Moppit - thanks for that info!! Sorry to hear you have not had any profiles yet, has your SW said why there are no matches coming through? We have only been waiting 2 months but we will probably be in for a wait I imagine because of the criteria we have gone for in terms of age etc.  I heard yesterday that a couple we met on our course last year, who got approved the day before us were matched and placed with their child yesterday - their age range was slightly older than ours so I guess thats why they were placed so quickly!!

Hope everyone is ok - hoping to enjoy the sunshine this weekend, looks likes its going to be lovely

Cath xx


----------



## curvycat

just wanted to say hello now that we have finally been approved! seemed a long wait at the time but today it seemed to have all gone with a blur "mind we did get married, move house and redecorate during that time"

I am better at reading posts than posting replies so I appologise up front

Sorry to be a real pain but could u all tell me how long u have been waiting

As my hubby is black our sw thinks we will have a short wait but I tend to be a little gauded about there promises and prefer to get it from the horses mouth so to speak


----------



## Mummyof2

Welcome to you Curvycat.  I waited almost 4 years for my son from being approved to bringing him home.  I lurk on here from time to time as I was on this board for so long before moving onto adopted parents.  Hope your wait is a short one


----------



## Camly

hiya curvyc   

congrats again.  we waited 6 months to hear about our first possible match, then another 3 after that for our 2 princesses. so in total we waited 9 months for our match. seemed like a lifetime but its strange how now we have had them home for nearly 8 months and how quickly its gone!    hope u dont have a long wait for your match. 

lots of love camly x x x x


----------



## Losing my grip

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!
We are off to matching panel this Friday!
Very excited
Very scared
Cant wait to be  mummy           
x


----------



## Mummyof2

Congratulations to you


----------



## curvycat

good luck although I am sure you will be just fine and congratulations


----------



## Shoe Queen

Curvy - well done you on getting married and moving house all in one!! We have seen our 'dream' house but have been advised by the SW not to move right now but we are afraid it will go so we have put our house up for sale and are putting an offer in tomorrow - have not told our SW just yet hoping that if all goes to plan we can be before a child gets placed with us!!!!

Losing - good luck for Friday, I am sure you will sail through!!

Camly - wow I bet the 8 months have flown by but Im sure you still pinch yourself!! I know I do and my dd is 4 1/2 years old!!!!

Mummy - hope you are well and enjoying your brood!!

No news here other than a possible house move!!!!!

xxx


----------



## curvycat

shoe queen ours were fine with our move as long as we did it and got it all ready before the children came along so I would just have a little think about possible matches and realistically when you may be bringing a child home 

I do wonder when things may calm down in the last 2 yrs we have done ivf, had a hysterectomy, got married, moved house, brought a puppy and now been approved to adopt!! 

I have never liked the quiet life


----------



## Losing my grip

Hi Guys - Just to let you know that we passed at panel with flying colours!    

We are soon going to be the proud parents of a gorgeous one year old baby boy.

We are thrilled and are looking forward to having a little get together with a few of our good friends tomorrow.

It doesn't feel like it will ever get here but I can now start to look forward to it "really happening!"

Good luck to everyone else going through this tough process 

LMG xxxx


----------



## curvycat

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Camly

hiya all    

losing - many many congrats!!! what fantastic news. looking forward to hearing more and intro's etc.    

hope u 'waiters' are all doing ok.    

xxxx


----------



## wynnster

Congratulations LMG   

Looking forward to reading all about intros and your DS coming home   

xxx


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## Mummyof2

Wonderful news LMG.  Takes me right back to when we were approved for our (at the time) one year old son.  Happy times


----------



## Moppit

Fantastic news LMG! You give hope to all of us who are waiting that dreams do come true and fairly quickly too!

Enjoy every second of this time preparing for your little boy's arrival. At last you can do all those things we have all been longing for - buying things, decorating a room for a baby and of course enjoying your last few days as a couple.

Keep us all updated on how introductions go and what it is like to finally have him home.

Moppit x


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## Shoe Queen

LMG - Congratultions - fantastic news, bed you are still on cloud 9 

xxxx


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## kirmut

Had our panel date today and so very happy as we were approved!!!!!!! Now we wait for the profiles which I'm sure is the hardest part of this journey so far. Got the champagne on ice as we're determined to celebrate every big step we make on the road to our forever family.


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## Moppit

Great news Kirmut!

Enjoy every second of your celebrations and hope your wait to be matched is a short one!

Mx


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## superal

congrautlations...........Kirmut....its a lovely feelign isn't it and YES celerbrate every step of the way............the hardest bit will be the wait but keep yourself busy and the time will soon pass.


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