# Anybody on here think I am as batty as my relatives/freinds/DP..



## pem (Jan 10, 2007)

Hiyah girls...

As some of you know we have had a bit of a rough ride with the old ttc thing, we have Edie and we are eternally grateful for that but i really really want to try for another one past the FET if that should not work (my mum doesn't really want me to for the FET but thats a another story....) My freinds, relatives and to some extent DP think i am being stupid to carry on trying....reasons being...

1) can't handle any more m/c...if we were to have another one, would make total of 3...
2) IVF is very wearing on the body and i should be devoting all my time and energy to edie...etc etc
3) I have a 60-90 % chance of getting stinking liver problems again and thus will probably end up in hospital again for gawd knows how long, away from Edie and DP.
4) Baba (should we be lucky to get pregnant and stay pregnant) will almost definitely be premature...more premature than last time possibly and this brings with it a lot of problems and stressful times...
5) the liver problems can be severe enough in rare circumstances to end the pregnancy too early and to 'end me'....this is so rare though....dp and mum are over zealous with their thinking..

I am of the mind that I managed just fine last time and will do so again, my only worry is for any future LO's prematurity but Edie is absolutely fine.....

Being honest girls....do you think i am being sensible or foolish??  
pem xx  can't write anymore, feeling mardy


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

pem it is so hard,  as I can't experience what you are feeling nor have I got a child or experienced the severe health side effects that you have.  I have experienced a mc and know what it is like to realy yearn for a baby.

I can understand your partner and Mum's anxiety for you and the baby if you did get pregnant because they are frightened.

The only bonus would be that you know what could happen and will be high risk from the start and shoud have close monitoring etc.

Also what would you do with your snowbaby? that is the bit that I couldn't deal with just leaving it there, or would your partner wish to try with it?

It is  a hard decision and a simple swot analysis isn't appropriate when emotions come into it.  Good Luck with whatever you decide
L x


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## Misspie (Feb 1, 2009)

Hi Em, 

Wow thats a lot of things to consider!!!!!!  

It certainly makes sense why your Mum & DP are worried about you cycling again after you've used your frozen eggies. I agree with JJ1 at least they know about you already being high risk, and as with me and my PCOS they were extremley careful with the dosage in order for me not to OHSS. Slightly minor compared to your case, but I htink mayb these are things you should discuss with the clinic further if and when the FET doesn't work! (But here's hoping it does)

I hope you and DP manage to decide whats best for whats best you all. Difficult decision.
  
L
xx


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## ameliacooper (Aug 12, 2007)

Hi Pem

Long time no speak (we were both on Spring Mummies Board 200.

I completely understand how you (and your family) feel.  It is soo hard wanting another one and yet weighing up all those things that you listed.

Not sure anyone here can give you the answer you are looking for - can you not go back to the obstretician or someone who knows more about the health risks.  

It's a tricky one without doubt.

Glad to hear E is doing soo well.

xx


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## Alison0702 (Apr 7, 2006)

Ok lady  

First of all, no you are not mad at all. There is absolutely nothing wrong with yearning to have another child even though there are risks attatched...and they are pretty big risks for you...however it is a risk not a given that all that will happen to you again. But as it happened the last time, you will be under consultant care no doubt so they can monitor you loads during your pregnancy. 

I can totally understand why D and your mum etc are worried, its your mental health aswell as physical and they have seen you go through some horrible stuff.

After my twins were born at 24 weeks, Christopher was still in hosp and only 4 months old when I started talking about trying again for another baby. My consultant had already said that I most likely went into prem labour cos it was twins but they would monitor me closely next time. They were fantastic with my second pregnancy and had so many scans etc. It was because of this they found out I had an incompetent cervix, and if it was pure luck that I brought my 23 week cervix scan forward to 22 weeks that they diagnosed this. I might add labour would have happened within 24 hours had the emergency stitch not been put in and I would have lost Adam at 22 weeks. I know if I ever got pregnant again I would have to have stitch at 14 weeks which could cause m/c, I would be more or less on bed rest, I may go into prem labour at any time, I have that yearning again to have another baby. I cant get it out of my head. People go through great risks all the time to try for a baby they are desperate for, so dont think you are going mad Emma, your not .

I am keeping everything crossed that FET works for you in April xxxxxxx


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## TerriWW (Mar 8, 2007)

Hi Pem

Just wanted to say you're not mad! The desire to have a second child is so understandable and the fact you are feeling you're willing to take known risks is too. I'm not quite sure what happened to you last time, I know edie was early but didn't know something happened with you? I can absolutely understand you at least doing the FET. Wanting a 2nd child and having the frosties sitting there would be too much to bare. And after that, at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself if you can let it go. If the yearning it too strong even if you decide to try and stick at one, you'll probably just have to let yourself give it one more go.

Can I throw something random in... would your partner carry? Either yours or her own baby? I'm guessing you've probably discussed this but is may be a 'safer' option for a second child if she were willing or felt she could.

Best of luck

Terri


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## lmb15 (Jun 12, 2009)

Pem - hmmm, it's a tricky one. I know that me and Laura would like at least 2 children, and so i understand your desire to have another one. Have you thought about all the possible scenarios if you do get pregnant again? Here's what i've come up with:

1) pregnancy goes well, no obstetric cholestasis, you have a healthy baby at full term. ideal situation but statistically not the most likely outcome.

2) you get obstetric cholestasis but not as severe as last time. you have the baby at term/near term/not too early but are in hospital - away from edie and partner - for the last weeks/months of your pregnancy. baby is born healthy and you're ok. almost ideal but again probably not the most likely.

3) you get obstetric cholestasis as bad/worse than last time. you are in hospital being monitored for weeks/months. you have the baby prematurely (earlier than edie). baby has health problems as a result (eg breathing problems, long term lung damage, developmental delay etc etc). you're ok. maybe the most likely outcome.

4) you get severe obstetric cholestasis. to prevent permanent liver damage to you/your death you have to end the pregnancy early eg at 25 weeks. so either a very premature baby who's likely to have severe health problems/not survive, or you have a termination (which although after the usual legal limit of 24 weeks, is legal because your health is at risk). hopefully you're ok and recover fully. 

5) you get severe obstetric cholestasis, so severe that you die. unlikely but still a possibility.



Sorry if that sounds a bit gloomy, but it is the reality of what could potentially happen. Hopefully you'd have the same/better outcome as last time with edie. But i don't think you should ignore the other possible outcomes. 

It's a really hard decision, cos you want the ideal outcome, but you know you might not get it. I guess it depends on how you think you'd cope with a very prem baby with lots of health problems, or having to have a late termination. 

Unfortunately it's a decision only you and dp can make, and it's gonna be a really tough one.  
Good luck!!!

Lisa x


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## Alison0702 (Apr 7, 2006)

Well that post above frightened me...Emma go onto the Bliss website as there are loads of women in your situation who will be really supportive and give u loads of advice, I used it loads when I thought I was going to have Adam early and the women are great. Just want to add that my 24 weeker has no long term health issues which is a complete miracle, but shows its not all doom and gloom with a prem baby xxxx


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## lmb15 (Jun 12, 2009)

*Alison0702* - it wasn't meant to be an unnecessarily scary post, just one to highlight the potential outcomes. I'm glad your 24+ weeker is well, but like you said he's a little miracle. Most are nowhere near as lucky. Pregnancy is a scary thing at the best of times, let alone with potentially life threatening conditions added into the mix.
*Pem* - chances are you'll be ok, and baby would hopefully be too. But if you think of the potential outcomes aside from the much wanted happy ending, i'm sure you'll see why dp and mum are concerned!!

Lisa x


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## pem (Jan 10, 2007)

Phew - thanx ladies for your support and your honesty, it means a lot to me

thanks alison, your reply is reassuring from someone who has been there and done it having been in a far more serious situation than we have been..  I will go onto BLISS and have a look/chat with some other mums, i think it will be reassuring

I am SO aware of all the potential outcomes, I have researched the condition extensively both through the medical journals etc and through the anecdotal evidence and it would appear that my condition was a little unusual compared to most, I had what they THOUGHT was obstetric cholestatasis as my bile salts/bili/ALT etc were rising, i was itching etc and all this was controlled as usual through the use of the drug URSO which regulated my bile salt levels and all would have been well if not for some of my other LFT's....in my case my ALP was obscenely high.....both myself and the docs were a little perplexed by this although my research has shown me that higher ALP's are normal in pregnancy..although i admit mine were a lot higher than is normal for pregnancy..

They studied me intensively for two weeks...i was poked, prodded, seen by two consultants, a million reggies, given needles, tablets, scanned and i was all a-ok apart from my yellow eyes and these high ALP levels and that i felt somewhat crappy. They admitted that they could not really figure out what was happening and 'ordered that
I should have a section at 34 weeks..end of, my symptoms started at 31 wks.

Edie was not a particularly brilliant 34 weeker (bless her cus she is an absolutely fantastic 21 monther!!) she was ventilated, had a multitude of feeding and jaundice 
problems and has had  terrible reflux which has compromised her weight gain and growth. However her development is amazing, she walked just fine, her speech is a little delayed but this is more due to the feeding/reflux and we are getting help with this. she is confident, sociable and incredibly able physically, emotionally and mentally......as i am sure you can gather, we absolutely adore her and it is because of her that we want a sibling, however it is also because of her that it is such a difficult decision to make......the last thing i want for my precious little girl is to lose her mummy and liitle bro or sis...

I have consulted my GP and my OBS/GYNAE consultant and they are both perfectly happy for me to carry again, my GP who has a special interest in obs etc has very few worries really, other than highlighting the risks, he is happy to support my decision. I have been heavily reassured that I will be extensively monitored by the NHS and will myself pay for private obstetric care if necessary.

Lisa - I know you are coming at it from a medical point of view and therefore will highlight the risks, i do know these risks but your post has made me realise a little more why my mum and DP have their wobbles..it does sound scary. 

Terri - I think my DP would carry eventually, she is a student nurse at the moment and so it is not possible..but is is a avenue for if we do give up with me..

Hi amelia-how are you and the littley....thanks for posting!

JJ - I AM having the FET, there is no question about that...my little snowbaby is coming home to mama in a few months time.....   

Misspie - heres hoping the FET does work and I carry to 42 wks, get ridiculously huge and have an incredibly easy and short natural labour followed by a bouncing baby girl that feeds well and sleeps through straight away.....        God, i have to have a sense of humour about all of this! and, nothings minor when its your body they are messing with...Hope you get yourself a lovely BFP this time round!

anyway now I've bored you all with my woes and the science of my liver, I actually feel better about it all, I do have a better understanding of my mum/DP and hopefully this FET will work and we will get past 30 wks with me and bubs in good nicka as we say in Stokey!

thanks guys!

Pem x


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## leoaimee (Jun 3, 2008)

bit late over here ... but just wanted to say i dont think your batty!!  think its normal and understandable.
really hope the FET works.


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