# just cant accept



## lilacbunnykins (Mar 15, 2005)

I had applied for the free ivf treatment for all woman 39 and under when i was 2 months from being 40,my docter had no problems with this ,i asked did it matter my husband had kids from a previouse realashionship and he said no its all changed now,well by the time i got my appointment i was 40 ,the consultant did mention this but i said my doctor said that would be ok as i was 39 when i applied,so he sent us for tests and said they were all good,no probs with either of us,it got to dec and he said come back in january as there was one test we were waitning for,so we went back and he said he would refer us to saint barts,so we waited 3 months and nothing,so i phoned his secretary and asked what was happening ,when she checked she said oh he never dictated a letter to me so nothings been sent,i had to phone a further 3 times to push him to do this,well this morning i got a letter saying"your not entitled as your husband already has kids"even though both my doctor and consultant said this wasent a problem as it had all be changed,and also as by now im 41 i was past the cut off date of 39(even though imhealthy and everythings working fine)..they said i can appeal but dont know if i could get my hopes up to be knocked down again,i just cant accept ill never be a mum,its so hard ,this was our last chance,we cant afford to go privatly,im never going to be a mum...cant stop crying at the moment..


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

I'm so sorry to read your story lilacbunnykins, I only wish that we didn't live in such a lottery in the UK where different rules apply depending on what your primary care trust dictates. How cruel for you to have your hopes dashed by the one thing you thought would be held against you - how awful that you have had to push to get an answer as well.

Sending you a massive  perhaps you could contact your local PALS (Patient advice and liason support), their contact details for your area can be found here http://www.pals.nhs.uk/members/officeSearch.aspx this may help a little way towards giving you an answer about why you were kept waiting for an answer for so long, and why you have been given conflicting information.

Its such a blow to discover that there is no hope of ever acheiving the dreams of becoming a family unit with the partner you love, the only thing I can say to you is that you are going through many griefs at the moment and we are here for you if you need someone to sound off to.

Sending you my love at this very difficult time
Emcee xxx

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## Cheshire Cheese (Apr 19, 2005)

Hi ya

Sorry to here you have been messed around like this, sounds a bit like the lfet hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing.

I have to agree with emcee on this one, PAL's is certainly the way to go, even contacting your local MP.

Don't give up your dream just yet, come out fighting 

Regards Jon xx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi LBK,

Emcee is so right about the unfairness of it all and Jon to say how the left and right hand seem to have no connecting brain.

Maybe you could make a complaint/appeal as a way to get some of your anger out, even though you know they can still turn you down. If you did it for that reason you might be able to avoid getting your hopes up. I know how hard it is to keep on hoping and then keep on being disappointed.

Meanwhile, please do come back here for support with the things you are going through. This is a very supportive group of people. 

Thinking of you,



Jq xxx


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## lilacbunnykins (Mar 15, 2005)

Thankyou for your replys we are seeing our doc next week and having a very stern chat with him,to see what the hell they playing at and to let them know they cant mess about with ppls feeling like this,why is it ppl with kids say oh you dont want kids at yr age!my best mate has 3 kids and in holidays i have her 8 and 9 yr old for the odd day and they stay over,whilst i love doing this it still hurts to give them back,she always says to me when im down "you always got my 3"i know she means well but they not mine there hers!!!ppl just dont understand how we feel..


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Go for it LBC, Give him stern!

Love Jq xxx


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## bell (May 17, 2005)

Hi LBK

We had alot of problems to with our doctor but in a different way but simular, We was constantly told by our GP that we could not get a free NHS one, would not explain why just said no, we thought our GP new what he was on about so saved up really hard to go private, we had paid for 5 goes private in 5 years, on the 4th go we went to a different clinic our consultant said that he would like to do some tests on me which involved a operation and would put me on his NHS list  which surprised me as nobody had ever offered this we was just told by our GP that he would send us private to a gyno which again did not come cheap and only did a test on DH and said that was the problem you have to go private and we was sent to a clinic that he and our GP advised, anyway i had all tests done and our consultant at new clinic showed me on lap top that l had bad emdo and had removed as much as possible, then we went for another appointment with this lovely consultant, he then asked if we had childen from other partners we said no and he said i have just noticed that you have not had your free treament we explained and he said no we should get a free one and refused to do treatment until we did and he did all the letters again our GP said no we were not entitled to this, i said this is it, i advised our consultant of this and advised him that i was taking it further i went to my local PCT and yes they tried to get out of it saying the same as our GP so i took it to my local MP and then after 3 months of me threatening them to take it further we got our free go, when we went to see our NHS consultant she could not apologise enough and said that there was a enquiry ref with our GP and the private doctor as there was something strange happening would not go into detail but our gp suddenly retired strange that, anyway ref to IVF your local PCT seem to make up there own rules what you should and shouldnt have it makes me very angry as for 5 years they kept telling us we could not have free treatment, yet we had no children at all, god this really gets to me, sorry but thought i would tell you this as they try to know even to the people who fit the criteria,

Bell


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## lilacbunnykins (Mar 15, 2005)

what annoys me is my hubbys sister met a man 20 yrs older then her,he had a vasectamy and there gp agreed for them to have a reversal and a free go at ivf ,she had 3 kids and he had 2!!1they were sent to st barts for there treatment and lucky for them they ended up with twins....they live in norfolk!!so clearly they are in a diffrent area,seems its still a postcode issuse even though they say its not,this is how i know the "your hubby already has kids,is crap""and its another thing im going to mention..


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