# I've got to make a really hard decision - what would you do?



## Dopey-Dinah (Sep 27, 2004)

Hi everyone,

I've not posted on the site for ages but I still lurke.

 I have a dilema and noone else can really appreciate the situation.

I have travelled a long way in my quest to have children and after 10 years and various different routes, I had ICSI in 2004 which resulted in my beautiful wee boy (he was 2 last week). We were very lucky to have 6 embryos available for freezing from that lot of treatment and when Struan was 7 months, decided to have FET. The hospital's policy is normally to thaw all the embryos and choose the best 2 for implanting but I pleaded with them to thaw 3 at a time, so that if the first FET was unsuccesful, we would still have 3 available for another try. Luckily we were succesful and our little girl was born in November last year. Now I'll get to the point .

We need to make a decision on what happens to the 3 remaining frosties. If it were solely up to me, I wouldn't hesitate in trying again. Unfortunately my hubby feels that we've been incredibly fortunate and we should quit now. I know we're very lucky to have 2 fantastic children from one batch of eggs but I can't help feeling that those 3 little frosties are potential babies and to me, the thought of just letting them perish is horrific. Anyone got any advice on how to tackle the situation with my hubby. He won't even discuss it and thinks I'm being ridiculous.

I've spent such a big chunk of my adult life trying to fulfil my dream of having children, that even now I've got 2, I can't bear the thought of leaving those 3 frosties unused, incase one or more of them would have made it, given the chance.... God, I'm sure I sound really crazy and you're probably thinking I should just get a grip and count my blessings.

What would you do in my situation? The only thing that makes me hesitate *slightly* (apart from the hubby side of things), is that Sod's Law would probably dictate that if I did use them and did become pregnant, this would be the time for twins, meaning I would have 4 under the age of 3 .

Debbie
xxx


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## jane70 (Apr 17, 2006)

Hi Debbie
Im sure you do count your blessings every day that you have 2 lovely children! However I can understand why you want more! ( having a wonderful DS myself) I think if I were in your shoes I would do everything possible to twist DHs arm!!! the embryos are there!! 
We werent fortunate to get any frosties so were thinking about trying icsi again
Good luck
Jx


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## CJ (Aug 24, 2003)

Hi , I have 2 beautiful children and we had ICSI again this yr and were very lucky in that it worked, much to my surprise and delight. You do feel that you can't really be that lucky again and to be honest I have spent a few mths of my pg thinking something would go wrong because I just think maybe we have run of luck (although I know lots of families with 3 or more children, so it's the having tx part which makes me think like this)
We have 4 frosties left over from this cycle and although I already believe we have had our miracles we will still be using them, we both talked about it before starting tx and could never do anything else but use them. There's no right or wrong but our choice is that we made them and they could easily be a baby (and to me they already are babies it just depends if they carry on growing , if you know what I mean) 

Maybe if your worried about having twins  you could maybe wait until your children are bigger or you could have one put back, we had to defrost 5 to get 2 good ones to go back and on another go we had 2 frosites and only one reasonable one to go back. I think out of three you may find you only get 1 or sadly possible none to go back which is something to think about too.

Take your time if you can, for me the twins will be 3 yrs when this one one is born and I think it couldn't have turned out any better, just the right age gap for me and them I believe ..good luck with your decision.

CJ xx


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## angel83 (Mar 14, 2005)

If i were you i couldn't possibly give them up. Do nothing rather than destroy them..... Hopefully he'll change his mind.


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## skiwizard (May 20, 2007)

Hi Debbie 

If I was in your position, I would definitely try and talk hubby round and get him to agree to use your last 3 frosties. You just dont know how things will turn out. 

The chances of all 3 frosties being good enough for transfer is slim, so realistically 1 or possibly embies 2 would be suitable for transfer.

Sadly though, all 3 frosties might not be suitable for transfer, which, although would be very, very sad and upsetting indeed, would then bring the chapter to a close. 

Hopefully, if there are 1 or 2 embies transferred you then have the possibility of it not resulting in a +ve.

I think you need to see this as your last chance and whichever way it goes, it's your fate that will decide the outcome.

I say go for it! 

Good luck Debbie. 

Trish x


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## Edna (Mar 19, 2005)

Hi Debbie,

I think I'd find it very hard to destroy any frosties too. If I was in your position I'd wait a little while and see if time changes your dhs position. Your dd is still only very small and from your signature you still have some time on your side.

Best of luck.


Edna


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## Betty M (Dec 6, 2005)

Hi Debbie

I remember you from when I was a regular on the HAFM thread and we got lucky at roughly the same time.

I would hold on if I were you and keep the frosties in storage and then think again.  When your youngest is 1 say you can think again and your DH may have changed his mind. I'm not sure from your post why he is anti. If he is worried about age I was pg at 39 and whilst it wasn't as easy as at 36 I reckon thats as much to do with having a kid already as anything else. If the drugs you have to take  are an issue perhaps you could try a natural FET?  More difficult if it is not wanting more children like my DH.

I used all my frosties up staight away after I had DD - I had 3 and transferred 2 after the thaw and got pregnant with 1 who I then m/c. I know that if I still had them I couldn't let go of them without giving them a chance even though DH doesn't want any more. I still secretly hope for the miracle natural conception.. 

lots of luck
betty


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## Dopey-Dinah (Sep 27, 2004)

Thanks girls,

I think I already knew what most of you would say - I think I just wanted to feel that I'm not being greedy for wanting more.  I feels a bit guilty even thinking about a third, when a lot of people would give anything just to have one.    I can't help but feel that at least 1 of those 3 little frosties might well make it, given the chance.  Now all I have to do is try and convince DH. 

I'll let you know how it goes but I don't hold out much hope for changing his mind.  Why is everything so black and white for them?

Thanks again for taking the time to reply

Debbie xxx


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## HJG (Jan 23, 2006)

I understand completely how you feel Debbie.  I've posted on here before about how heartbroken I was when we let our frosties go.  I had exactly the same feelings as you.  They could be more babies, our babies!  I want more, DH doesn't. 

Right up until the moment DH put the consent form in the post box to OK their "destruction" I hoped and prayed he would change his mind.  But never once did I try and change his mind.  I wouldn't want a child that he had to be talked into.

Regards

HJG


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