# newbie, sister has offered to be surrogate



## jac123 (Jul 4, 2009)

hi, my sister has offered me and Dp to be a surrogate, i cant carry babies due to medical condition, but me and Dp are both fertile, am wanting to know what the procedure is and is it straightforward or complicated?

                                        jac


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## CarolynB (May 17, 2008)

Hi Jac

Sorry to read your situation but wonderful that you have a sister.  You will see from my signature that we now have a son thanks to my dear, amazing sister.  It is indeed possible and not insurmoutable.  My sister offered at the end of May 2008 and our boy was born on 29th June 2009.  The hardest issue with surrogacy is finding an angel who is prepared to carry for you.

To be practical rather than emotional the key steps that we followed were:

- Find a fertility clinic who will be able to take eggs, take sperm and make embryos and who will transfer them back to your wonderful sister.  One clinic was more than happy to help us.  Another just wanted to put the frosties back to me after 7 failed IVFs & was not at all keen to work with my sister - in the end we juist moved the frozen embryos

- Basic tests on all of you.  We did through GP.  HIV.  Hep B. Hep C.  You will need for you and your dh for welfare of the child.  Your sister and any partner/husband will also require

- My clinic required counselling my a qualified counsellor for me and my dh, my sister and her husband and then a third session with all 4 of us together before we could start treatment

- You need a lawyer - Natalie Gamble on here is a super star - who can help with wills and a surrogacy agreement if required (we did not have one).  She will also offer assistance with the Parental Order afterwards which transfers the baby from your sister to you

- You need life insurance for your sister - we used Sovereign who were one of the few providers who afforded cover.  We have £250k cover for two years

- My sister and I had to meet at our IVF clinic and then she had basic tests/monitoring cycle before she could start

- Then treatment on my sister.  We worked with frozen embryos but they might want to do Fresh for you and your husband and so the cycles would need to be in synch

- Then wait and pray and hope!!!!

- In terms of decision making then we ran through everything up front and used our Mum to mediate if it became tricky.  It is hard emotionally not having everything in your control but it all fades when you focus on the end goal.  Take a small example.  My sister did not want my husband at the birth.  This upset me a lot during the pregnancy & I got all in a state about it.  In the end she had to have a c-section.  I was able to show my son to my husband within 10/15 minutes (despite the need for resusitation for him).  My husband would not have been in the operating theatre anyway and if he had been then he would have passed out.  I am not trying to be flippant.  It can be hard to make the decisions but at the end of the day we worked everything through between the four of us & figured out the best we could.  It would have been lovely for my dh to be there when Sam arrived but actually what ended up being way more important was the fact a pediatrician was there to help Sam in the first minutes of his life

It may seem complex at the start but it is completely doable.  It is without doubt worth the 'prize' a thousand times over.  It brought me and my sister and our families even closer together.  It is not straight forward but it is perfectly possible.

I could write for ages but if this is of use and/or you want to chat then Private Message me and send me a number on which I could call you.  Happy to help if I can.

Hugs to you and your terrific sister.
Carolyn xxxxxx


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## babymithel (Oct 13, 2008)

Just wanted to wish you luck  

take care 
Dawn x


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## jac123 (Jul 4, 2009)

thanks for your reply, it was really detailed and i really appreciated it you have explained more to me than what i could find on the internet.  went to the doctor yesterday so we have been referred to the royal victoria hospital belfast should be seen with in 8-9 weeks, will let you know how it went and again thanks very much well appreciated.  congratulations on your baby boy he is so cute and gorgeous i am sure you are just over the moon well done to you, thanks.

                                                                              jackie


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