# hitting and hair pulling



## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

Lo has been home 6 months and things are generally going well. We are having a problem with him pulling little girls hair at toddler group and hitting other children and myself and my husband. I have just come home early from toddler group in tears as he went up to a little girl and really pulled her hair for no apparent reason and after getting him to say sorry and saying how it hurt etc he went over 10 mins later and did it again. Mum looked so angry. He also hits myself and husband a lot. Sometimes there is a reason ie he wants something or is frustrated but often there seems to be no reason. He gets plenty of attention. We usually hold his hands and say don't hit it hurts. In desperation we tried a naughty step and he stopped hitting for a few days but is now worse than ever. Any ideas and should I stop taking him to toddler group. He has been going for 4 months and the hair pulling etc has been going on for about 2 months.


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## monkeymooo (May 28, 2013)

sorry to hear you've had a difficult morning. I don't have any words of advice for you as I'm a total novice still on intros but I know this behaviour is really common and I'm sure some lovely ladies will be along soon with some tactics you could try - I will be interested to read too for future reference! X


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Just remind yourself it will be a phase    He will grow out of it, what you're doing is right, remind him that it isn't acceptable and it hurts.

Both of mine went through a hitting or biting phase but only with me (and dd sunk her teeth into ds a few times too    ) what worked with both of them was for me to say 'No, that's not nice, you must not hit' and walk away (if you're at home!) usually they would then get upset and say sorry of their own accord.
Don't stop going to the toddler group if that's the only reason, all kids go through phases and i'm sure the other mum knows that too.  Go back next week and tell ds that if he does that behaviour again he has to come and sit with you (time in).  Again, both of mine have had their moments when out and about, i'm not afraid to say that they have both had time-in at restaurants, toddler groups, friends house etc.  Usually I make them sit on my lap for a while, but if they're still screaming then they sit on the floor at my feet and I would tell them, I am there when they're ready to talk.  Mine are older than your ds though of course.
Or take ds out of the room for some 1 to 1 time,  bring him back to base in what is acceptable and a reminder of what will happen if he does it again.  He will more than likely remember that last time he had to leave so could use that, but be sure to follow through. 

Just remember though, it is to be expected with his frustration, and anger at his world being upside down, he will eventually stop.


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Don't feel bad about the other Mum, loads of kids have hit/kicked/hair pulled etc.

I would also suggest "time in" (we don't call it that, I just tell Wyxling she needs to sit with me until she's calmed down, no toys etc, just some peace and quiet with Mummy) over the naughty step or time out or anything else that excludes or pushes him away from you.


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

Thanks, I'll try the time in.


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## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

Hi Snapdragon - lots of advice from these wonderful ladies for when you are out of the house. The only thing I would add is that during our Prep Group this week we talked about acceptable and not acceptable behaviour and dealing with it with adopted children. The SW commented that the naughty step or sending them to their bedroom doesn't work with adopted children as is excludes them and pushes them away. She suggested quiet/thinking time in the same room as you to reassure your LO that you are there for them. I liked her idea of a little pop up tent in the corner of the lounge where you put afew cuddle toys/blankets but not toys and your LO has the comfort of knowing its their space and you are in the room and they can come out when ready o talk about/say sorry etc. 

Let us know how you get on.


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