# Advice after negative feedback from hospital post IVF



## Red66 (Apr 11, 2006)

Hiya Goldies

I'm nearly 42, just had a BFN from my first IVF cycle, was a poor responder with only 3 eggs and just one embie. Had my follow up at the hospital yesterday and the doctor was, I felt, quite brutal with his stats that at my age there was about 40% chance of a miscarriage, 40% chance of the baby being abnormal and about 3-5% chance of having a normal pregnancy. So another IVF cycle wasn't worth the money. He also said my high fsh levels wouldn't help (I didn't thnk 11.5 was very high!) although they brought them down with tablets. On the other hand, he had some lovely fresh (young) donor eggs coming in next week and he would like me to come straight in and have them - at a cost of about £6k on top of the £5k we just spent...

Have the rest of you been scared with stats like this? I know they're possibly somewhat right but... And have you had lovely doctors elsewhere who give you more hope? My poor DP is now climbing the walls and getting tetchy about it. I'm just more upset that I'll probably never have a baby who looks like me.    And he's not into the idea of adoption at all (yet).

Any advice please?

Red


----------



## ♥Meerkat♥ (Nov 14, 2005)

Hi Red
Sorry to hear that you weren't successful this time round  

My advice would be to get a second opinion - not sure how close you are to London but would you be able to go to the ARGC?  They have a good reputation with 'goldie' mums.  It could be that this time round it was just bad luck, or there could be some other issues such as immune problems that may need exploring.  

You're FSH seems borderline to me.  Is your FSH consistently around 11.5 or does it fluctuate from month to month?  You could try wheatgrass to try and get it down.  Some women have had success with chinese herbs - obviously would need to be prescribed by a specialist.  

Going for DE is a whole new step and takes time to get used to.  I would have thought that next week is a bit too soon, you need time to get over your BFN and your body needs to be ready too.

Best of luck - seems to me that you have more options to explore first

Meerkat x


----------



## Red66 (Apr 11, 2006)

Thanks Meerkat, that sounds a bit more hopeful! I thought it was too soon. It does seem all this doctor does is try and get more money out of you. I might try and look at another clinic as you say. As far as I know the FSH was consistent then they prescribed me ethinyl estradiol as a new technique and it went down to 0.5! So we cut that back!

You're right, think we'll take a couple of weeks to think about it.

Love

Red
xx


----------



## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Just wanted to wish you luck in what ever you decide, we wetre given poor stats with our last cycle of IVF with our surrogate, we did get a positive, sadly it was ectopic, but our consultant did say to us we had exceeded his expectations, as he wasn't expecting such a good response from me.

I would have a good think about things and get a second opion, it seems very quick to be offering donor.

Good Luck
Jo
x x x


----------



## Sally2 (Nov 24, 2006)

Hello Red...

I must say I am absolutely shocked at your doctor's suggestion that you have a 40% chance of an abnormal child at 42! I am the same age and have never heard anything LIKE those odds! I know that after forty your chance of having a downs baby goes up quite a lot, but that's something like a one in fifty chance still (rather than one in several hundred or so.) 

Also, I know quite a few women in their forties with perfectly healthy babies!!

I would really investigate that one further,  interested to know what you come up with....


----------



## suzy (Oct 12, 2003)

Hi Red,

Did he mean 40% chance of miscarriage, because of genetic abnormality in the embryo? That sounds more realistic to me. I too have been told that chances of Downs is something like 1 in 50ish at 41/42. 

I think there comes a time in your (mid??) 40's when the chance of IVF succeeding is equivalent to the chance of natural conception, and therefore not worth the money. Of course that is assuming there isn't another factor like  blocked tubes etc.

I'd advise you to continue to try for a bit longer, after your doctor has said to stop, if you can. Maybe seek a second opinion. You have only had one cycle and you did respond and make an embryo. You also have to be realistic and know that the chance of it not working are high. You really don't need to jump into the DE decision as its not age dependant, so if you dont' feel you are ready for that, there is no pressure. 

I wish you all the luck,

Suzy


----------



## Red66 (Apr 11, 2006)

Thanks for the responses everyone. I knew it couldn't be as black and white as he was saying. It really does seem like he's just trying to get more money out of us and other friends with the same doctor say the same. We're just 'cash cows'! (it seems)

I was really upset to be reminded that my chances of having my own baby are almost zero. We KNOW all this, we don't need to have it shoved in our faces. It's just really hard under our working circumstances to go to another hospital or clinic but this one just isn't supportive enough (or too full of other couples to bother trying). 

Suzy - that's a good point you make that the chances of success under IVF are equivalent to natural conception at some point. Interesting. And no we're 'unexplained' so nothing else giving us problems.

I've gone and bought some Pre-seed lube now as well after reading all it's properties! Now we know our sperm and egg go together (in a test tube anyway), maybe it'll work to give them a helping hand in my body, smooth the path so to speak!

Red
xxxx


----------



## collymags (Jan 3, 2006)

hi Red, sorry to hear you had such a rough time at your feedback. i haven't heard such bad stats before. but it sounds like the approach by the dr was the worst thing. in a way sometimes we need things spelt out loudly for it to sink in, but not in a horrible way.  

i was very similar i started treatment at 41, with only 2 eggs on full whack drugs which did go on to be embies but never implanted. i was told that realistically, emotionally and financially the only way forward was donor eggs. luckily my sister stepped in, but still no luck.  but then out of the blue, we had our miracle natural conception. because of my age we went for the nuchal fold scan, initially i was told i had a one in 28 chance of a downs syndrome child, which then rose to 1 in 366 after blood tests and scan (similar to that of a 32 year old woman).  thankfully i gave birth to a very healthy girl on valentines day this year (excuse the photo, have tried unsuccessfully to change it).  

i think the bottom line is that we and they truly do not know whats around the corner, educated guesses are made but there are always exceptions to the rule . i wish you luck.


----------



## JudithS (Feb 12, 2006)

Red66 said:


> I'm nearly 42, just had a BFN from my first IVF cycle... only 3 eggs and just one embie.... at my age there was about 40% chance of a miscarriage, 40% chance of the baby being abnormal and about 3-5% chance of having a normal pregnancy. So another IVF cycle wasn't worth the money. He also said my high fsh levels wouldn't help (I didn't thnk 11.5 was very high!).... On the other hand, he had some lovely fresh (young) donor eggs coming in next week


Hmmmm.
Our 1st cycle: Age 41 (just). 13 eggs, all immature so didn't proceed to fertilisation.
2nd cycle: Age 42 (just). Six eggs, 5 mature, four fertilised, 3 transferred, BFN.
3rd cycle: Age 42 yrs 9 mths. Five eggs, all mature: four fertilised, 3 transferred, BFP!

You don't need loads of eggs/embryos. There ARE stories on FertilityFriends of ladies having babies with just one embryo.

Your FSH doesn't sound that high to me.

It depends how long you want to keep trying for. I would have been happy to have donor eggs if my Inhibin B test of ovarian reserve had shown I had few eggs, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't going to cost as much as your doctor reckons. He was going to recommend us going to NY, or better still Spain, for the eggs, where costs are lower.

I don't know if I am really helping!

Incidentally, I've never had a miscarriage -- just never been pregnant before.


----------



## Red66 (Apr 11, 2006)

Thanks girls, all helps keep me positive. Collymags, I'm in Essex too and it was the Brentwood nuffield I've got this treatment. 

I think we're going to wait a couple of months and see how we feel and what happens. I love to hear of success stories like yours Judith, even the negative cycles are hopeful to me. I'm going to read up more on DHEA as well and maybe think about taking that. 

In everything, it's the cost that makes us stop and think! It's not fair (and I know I'm not the first, or last, to ever cry this) we don't get more help from the NHS earlier. I first went to my doctor at 37 but... I urge everyone with a young female friend anticipating having a family - start earlier rather than later, and get help quick!!

Preaching over!  

Louise/Red


----------

