# Do you "allow" some people to be pregnant?



## MrsGorilla (Dec 12, 2013)

Hi all,

I am sure I'm not the only one to feel like this - every time I've posted on FF all I've ever experienced is empathy, support and understanding.  

So, when I see a pregnant stranger, my mind goes crazy with jealous thoughts. (Worse on a bad day, better on a good day, but always jealous and negative towards a lady I don't even know  )

When an acquaintance tells me her "good" news, or even a few of my friends, it's the same reaction as for a stranger, but it's somehow worse because it's more personal  

But there are two women in my life I "allow" (if that's the right term), to be pregnant. One of these wonderful ladies sadly may not ever be, but if she was I know in my heart I would be as happy for her as if it were my own BFP. The other lady is pregnant but devastatingly currently miscarrying and my heart is just aching for her. I was thrilled when she shared her news with me and couldn't wait to see her belly grow and sometime before Christmas have cuddles with her newborn.  

Just wondering if this makes sense to anyone else? Is it that I feel these two particular women have really "earned" it? (Even though one of them has never had any treatment at all.) Or is it that I think they would really truly appreciate the chance of raising a child?

Maybe I am just over-thinking it all!


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## MrsM67 (May 15, 2015)

You've described exactly how I feel!
Xxx


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## WolfyOne (Apr 30, 2014)

Completely!

When I found out last year my colleague was pregnant, I was initially devastated / frustrated. But as soon as I found out it was due to several years and IVF, I completely accepted it. It's like I can only really be accepting if they have been through fertility treatment to achieve the pregnancy, which seems crazy, but I feel like they're the only ones who can relate and understand how much we desperately wanted to achieve pregnancy. Admittedly I felt the same when my brother and SIL fell pregnant last year. Whilst they had suffered m/c, conception came very easy to them and I found that difficult to deal with.


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

yes, I can totally understand it. I felt I could 'allow' people who'd suffered to be or my best friend as she answered any time i asked a question and let me be as much a part of her pregnancy and baby's life as I wanted but she never brought it up otherwise and respected the fact I just couldn't cope sometimes and never pushed me. 
Surprisingly, when it finally happened (fingers crossed for everyone trying) I found it harder to 'allow' myself to be pregnant. It was so surreal and seemingly impossible. Even when he arrived my first thought was 'where did he come from? He can't possibly be mine, I can't have kids'.
Infertility alters you and the way you think forever.


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## Val74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Add me to this list!  Can identify with this totally.  Struggle so much with random pregnancies, and a colleague who 'accidentally' got pregnant at 42 with her third really hurt as if my last treatment had worked we would've had babies at the same time.  She now has a bouncer and I still have nothing, it made me feel sick to the stomach just hearing her name let alone seeing her and talking to her, and this is a person who I was (and am) really fond of, so the feelings of anger and hatred towards myself then for feeling it were almost as overwhelming as the hurt I felt in the first place.  If I know that someone has struggled and/or had to have treatment I can totally embrace it.  I still feel that conception and the growth of a baby is the most miraculous thing in the world, makes me wonder how so many people can seemingly do it so easily to be fair.  Am still waiting for my turn, it must be soon now surely?!   Good luck to you all and "Congratulations" on finally getting there Arrows.xx


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## MrsGorilla (Dec 12, 2013)

I knew I wouldn't be alone in this! Huge congratulations Arrows   stand to think though that the feelings never really leave you.
I'm struggling a lot with a work colleague at the moment. She found out last year she and her partner needed IVF and was devastated. I told her about my treatment, we met up outside of work, I supported her all the way through her NHS Funded cycle and.....she got pregnant first time with no problems, sailed past 12 weeks, 20 weeks coming up soon. I thought I'd be okay with it given that she is a fellow IVF-er, but I'm finding it very difficult. As if she has had it too easy!!! Probably just jealousy though that it worked first time and she didn't have to remortgage to afford the treatment, grrrrrrr.
I suppose whatever happens in all our lives, this time will always be a part of it and will always change the way we feel about pregnancies and families.


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## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

im not sure i "allow" others to be pregnant. when my SIL (dont like her) announced she was trying again to get pg and a month later announced her positive test. she has pcos and managed to fall pregnant twice naturally and sustain both pregnancies, i felt physocally sick. i couldnt say congraulations and we have spoken now for nearly 3 years. 
but recently, i met a girl who has 4 children already, all HOME EDUCATED like my 2 and then i noticed her bump. she is a really lovely girl and i have ignored her bump. if its not there, in my mind, it cant hurt me. she's 33 weeks. now my next hurdle will be coping when she has a newbirn. hopefylly because i like her very much, i might just cope a little better. 
the infertility lark sure leaves scars!


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## star17 (Oct 31, 2012)

I met a new friend the other day who has a new baby.  She told me that it had been a struggle (including ivf).  It actually made me like her a whole lot more!!  Crazy right!


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## Sbarky15 (Oct 7, 2014)

I found it easier to accept my best friends pregnancy because she had been through hell and back after a few miscarriages. After seeing the pain she went through how could I not?

But I want to scream at her now she is 32 weeks and moaning about her bump!!!!


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## BUFFYBOXER (Dec 14, 2007)

Same happened to me where I had to remortgage our house and go through 6 rounds of icsi to finally get my dd my friend who we did everything together including getting married abroad goin on holidays both broke our left ankles so when she announced she was struggling and needed ivf I thought ok and really wished her well every other pregnant woman even family members I couldn't deal with so off my friend goes to have an NHS ivf and bingo 10000s eggs got collected all fertilised and a bloody bfp!! Lovely full term pregnancy where as my dd nearly come at 24 weeks I was 4 cm dialated so stitch in bleeds throughout the whole pregnancy only to come at 28 weeks with an erupted plecenta had to stay in hospital for 12 weeks so no I was absolutely jealous of her even though she had ivf I got pnd and she went on to have another naturally!! Well my heart really goes out to all you ladies I read ff everyday to see how everyone is doing and from the bottom of my heart I wish each and everyone of you will one day very soon will have your dream come true baby dust to all xxx


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## MrsGorilla (Dec 12, 2013)

Haha, 100000s of eggs!,  

Yeurgh, infertility. Couldn't watch that show on telly last night about the syndicate because there was a pregnant woman on it who got pregnant by accident! 

The IVF lady at my work is showing a bump now. I hate it.


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## DollyBlueBags (Aug 5, 2014)

Hiya,
Yes I can defo relate to this, I was walking around a shopping centre last week and I spotted 5 heavily pregnant women. As soon I saw them I gave them the best ***** face I could....why and what for who knows! I sure dont know why I did it! 

My cousin is pregnant now and although I wont be going to the baby shower, I dont mind thats she pregnant. 

xx


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## DollyBlueBags (Aug 5, 2014)

That should say B*ITCH face lol!


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

I can totally relate to this too!

I have met 3 lovely ladies recently, one of them heavily pregnant & 2 with babies who I initially thought smug bXXches, but since learning one is IVF & the others have both previously had full term stillbirths, I have felt totally different about them (despite one being very in-your-face about breastfeeding).

I still can't stand the sxxg with 2 10mths apart & one a bit older who smokes like a chimney & boasts about how she'll be pregnant again by Christmas so that the council will have to give her a bigger house.

B xxx


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