# Number 2 - do i try?



## KLconfused (Jan 2, 2010)

Hi all
My little girl is 8 weeks old. Since I had her ive been trying to decide whether to try for a sibling. Last night I had a chat with hubbie and he said he would like a 2nd child but is scared of all the treatment then the pregnancy and birth. If im honest I wouldn't even think twice about having a sibling if I could get pregnant naturally. But the IVF is putting me off and theres no chance of it happening naturally as its a sperm issue we have. I thought that it would be easier the next time as I have my daughter and so I wouldn't feel so desperate. But hubbie made me think maybe that isn't the case. It might seem worse as we have a daughter and we know how wonderful she is and so we would know even more what were missing. 
Since hubbie agreed to go talk to the clinic together and decide on options ive been down - a bit of wanting something then when he says I can have it im not sure I want it anymore!
All those old feelings of 'why is life so unfair, why cant we just bonk like other people, whats the point of sex as it wont make me pregnant' etc etc have come back. Im terrified of the egg collection and of that awful feeling after the 2 week wait when it doesn't work.  
I suppose ideally id like to be happy with 1 child and stop now. But my maternal urge seems stronger now than it was before I had my daughter. Its only been 8 weeks so is it hormones?
I also think I could be opening up a barrel of problems with all the things that could go wrong. Were lucky to have Isobel, we might not have such a good outcome next time. But then when has fear of something going wrong ever been a valid reason not to do it? 
Anyone else had a try for a second child and regretted it? Anyone know how to make myself be happy with 1 child and leave it there? 
I know some people will say enjoy what I have but im enjoying it so much I want it again and again. I cant believe she is 8 weeks already and im sad that that time has already gone when every second has been amazing.


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## Penelope Pitstop (Oct 24, 2010)

Hi,
I'm sorry I don't have answers to your questions but I just wanted to say that I know exactly how you feel. We had our darling little boy through IVF last year and just days after he was born I knew I wanted another baby and soon. We can't conceive naturally as I had to have both fallopian tubes removed and I still get so angry that we have to endure treatment to ttc and there's no guarantee it will work. We are just starting IVF now and I'm petrified it won't work and how that will make me feel but as my hubby says, if we don't try then we'll never get pregnant. We adore our little boy and cherish every second with him but I want a sibling for him and I don't think that urge will never go.

Xx


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi,

I don't think there is any right answer.  I always wanted more then one child and despite trying to forget about a sibling the urge would never go away.  It is not impossible for me to get a natural BFP, but unlikely.  I went on the pill for a year and then as soon as I came of it, all the old TTC symptoms came back, even though I swore to myself I would relax about it.  Timed intercourse, symptom spotting in the 2ww and then disappointment when AF showed.

We couldn't afford a fresh cycle, but my Dad made us a very generous offer and luckily it worked and we now have another DS.

I said to DH the other day, I actually now feel complete and don't feel that there is anything missing now.  I know I am very, very lucky.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

X


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## KLconfused (Jan 2, 2010)

Well we have an appointment with the clinic July 6th to talk about options for number 2 then were going to decide if we will go further. At the moment hubbie thinks we should just enjoy the 1 and im more keen on a number 2. So we will see what all the information tells us and then decide. I am a little excited about the appointment though


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

I had to have icsi pgd to have my daughter who is now 14 weeks old, we are lucky enough to have 2 frozem embryoes.  My dh is already talking about using them but im unsure.  If i was honest im scared of the old feelings coming back!  I know im very lucky to have 2 frosties but it doesnt stop me wandering and worrying that by hoping for number 2 its going to pull me back into to it all again.  We wont do any fresh cycles (they cost £9000   ) just the 2 frosties then we are done.


My dh says that if it didnt work it wouldnt be as bad as before we had Chloe as now we already have a daughter, but im not so sure.  I dont even think i have a desperate want for number 2, but the frosties are there.


Our frosties are stored for 2 years, its alerady nearly been a year so think if we do it it will have to be soon.  Maybe i just dont belive we can be that lucky again. xx


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥ (Apr 10, 2008)

Congrats   


It is very early to be thinking of number 2. I remember having the exact same feelings, and it was my hormones! Once he turned 6 months i had moved on a bit and the thought of anymore treatment made me feel ill!!    I was like you. and knew we would never get pg naturally as it was a sperm problem and a chromosomal one. But a miracle happened and we got pg    we werent trying, as we had moved on and sold all the baby bits etc.   


Give yourself some time and enjoy your baby without worrying about treatment etc. Maybe at 6 months have another think.


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## lollipops (Oct 17, 2009)

I agree with mighty mini -it's still very early days yet and your hormones are all over the place at the minute. I would wait a few months, try hitting the teething, crawling, weaning stages and you might change your mind    there's so much fun and learning you have right around the corner with your little one, but also some trying times. Maybe give it 6-7 months and then go back to clinic.
I remember having the urge for another one for a few weeks after I had my daughter, then when she was about 4-5 months and up all night teething I changed my mind, I couldn't imagine bringing a newborn into my life at that point in time    My daughter is now almost 1 and we are considering maybe more tx, we have a consultation tomorrow to see if its even possible for us to try again. But boy am I glad I waited until  now to even think about another baby, the roller coaster of parenthood has only just begun for you   


We are all different, so of course it's completely down to you and your DH , only you two know how you truly feel. But enjoy your little one, they really only stay in that helpless baby phase for a very short time. Just soak it all up   


Whatever happens or whatever you decide, you have your beautiful newborn.....that in itself is amazing.


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Dont get me wrong im not intending to do anything yet, but probably at about a year, then if it doesnt work then its all done and dusted for us, but if things do work great.  xxxxxxxxx


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## KLconfused (Jan 2, 2010)

Hi all, 
Our appointment with the clinic got delayed until August 6th so we have a few weeks yet. Ive had a blood test done so we can discuss my AMH and hubbie had another sperm test that we get the results for in August too. 
Its so true though that its a rollercoaster. My feelings change daily but for the last 5 days im fairly settled on having just the 1 baby. I have to admit that when I wanted another desperately a few weeks ago me and hubbie started arguing again just like when we first found out we needed IVF and had to decide whether to proceed. I got sucked right back in to the unfairness of it all. I have thought a lot about why I want another. There is the obvious that if anything happens to Izzy ill have another child. But thinking about that its ridiculous. Id still be devastated if anything happened to Isobel. I think the main reason is to relive the last 12 weeks as they have been so special. But everyone I talk to with 2 children say the second isn't the same. Whether that's because you know what to expect or others aren't so excited for you I don't know. But I wouldn't get to relive the last 12 weeks. It would be a new 12 weeks with a new baby which is lovely in itself im sure but not the same. I don't believe Isobel needs a sibling. Some of my best friends are only children and they are the nicest people I know so im not worried about her being an only child. It also means I have more time and money to give her what she needs. Isobel is a lot more demanding every day too. Im also finding the thought of another pregnancy with all the worry very scary and the birth scary too! 
So im full circle again. 

we have decided to still see the consultant on August 6th as we may go down the route of getting some embryos now and then not using them for a couple of years and we can see how we feel then. Im 39 so haven't time to waste so seems like that might be the best route. Will let you know but thanks for all the advice.


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## lollipops (Oct 17, 2009)

KLconfused - I think you are feeling exactly how I have felt many a time before. One minute I want another and the next minute I couldn't think of anything worse   


But your right that being an only child isn't a bad thing, I myself have come to terms with that too. 
And your equally right that a second child is never quite the same as your first. My sister who's got two girls ( and loves them both equally) does openly say its not a rewarding or exciting second time round. Your times divided between two children, your patience is stretched, your money is too! 
These magical times you get with your first born are exactly that. I know if we had anther baby I wouldn't do half the things I have done with my daughter ( eg water babies classes, NCT antenatal classes, newborn photoshoots, 1st birthday photoshoots etc) 
I love absorbing all the newness of life with my first baby. I sometimes look at other mums who look even more stressed than me, trying to cope with a toddler and a newborn and feel relief that its not me!    I am sure you do cope, and I am sure it's wonderful seeing your children interact and grow up together but my sister and friends often remind me that its not all sunshine and roses having baby number 2 .


Having said that we are still undecided about having more tx. I would ideally love to wait another couple of years and then have a go, but my AMH level is very low and my consultant recommend trying this year or accepting I will need donor eggs.


It's a difficult decision for any couple to make, especially those couples who don't have the luxury of time or endless pots of money.


I do know one thing though, I am sitting chilled out on the sofa whilst me little teething sprog is currently asleep upstairs and I am ( in this moment in time) pleases I don't have a newborn baby to tend to all night long!   


Good luck in whatever you decide x


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