# Channeling maternal desires/instincts



## Natalie01

Hi ladies,

I know I haven't written much recently, but I do check in daily.  Please also forgive me if this thread is a repeat.

After a tough year dealing with the notion that I will never have a family by any means, I sought counseling.  I took advantage of an NHS 6 session Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) course, and to be honest, maybe because I was open to it, I have found that in some ways it has helped.  Anyhow time will tell.

In preparation for my final session, my therapist asked me to think of ways that I could channel my unfulfilled maternal desires/instincts.  I know that nothing could possibly fill the void that my child could but all I could think of is 'animals', more specifically my cat, who I absolutely adore.  

Can you ladies think of any 'nurturing' or 'maternal' type activities that might help?

Thanks

Natalie01


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## zoooooommmmm

I volunteer with homeless and domestic violence charities. I also am a brownie leader and with a mentoring scheme for young adults , many of whom have been in care or had rubbish birth parents and need support. I have also signed up with the bisto spare chair project where you are linked with a lonely older person who pops round for sunday lunch.


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## Natalie01

Wow Zoooooommmmm! That is awesome! Great stuff. I used to be a teacher and I've also worked for local child protection services. It is really rewarding. You've inspired me to join the Turners Syndrome Support charity and look at supporting younger patients who may be struggling.

Thanks xx


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## Rabbit100

Hi Natalie,

Good for you sounds like you are in a postive place, I don't have any useful ideas for you sorry, but I saw your post on the front page / news feed thingy and this website sprung to mind that I came across a few years ago

http://gateway-women.com (its a website for women that are childless by circumstances not by choice)

Not sure if it's of use but maybe some ideas there or through the online community.
Good luck with finding the right activities for you
Take care
Rx

/links


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## Bax

Some areas are desperate for book readers - where you regularly go to the school and sit with a child and read to/with them.  It really helps children where their family doesn't speak English as first language, or where they don't have that kind of development support at home (gulp!).  My friend did this for a long time and found it helped her get over her loss, as well as giving an awful lot to a child who needed help - think the scheme is called "Book Buddies" in some areas.  

Good luck xx


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## Natalie01

Thanks ladies for your ideas.

I am a member of Gateway Women and I have found it really useful.  I got the chance to socialise with others in our position without having to directly talk about it in a really light-hearted way. I can really recommend it.

Happy Crimbo xx


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## gettina

Hi 
I am glad that counselling may have helped.
Different situation as I was pursuing adoption but I had a couple of years with a need to care for babies and helped at a local cat's protection shelter, feeding and cuddling kittens for a couple of hours a week in the evening. It was a wonderful way to give love and tenderness.
Hope you find something right for you
Gettina xx


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## zoooooommmmm

Possibly not as over it as thought I was. In local pub, in walks ex barmaid, with new sprog. Downing pints, hmm I thought maybe she's not driving, but the possible father of child also downing pints, by time I left they'd had 4 and will need to drive. OMG or is it me, these people don't deserve a kid


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## Handstitchedmum

If you are concerned about the safety of a child, you can call your council's child safeguarding line. We just had our council tax bill in the post and it had all those numbers on a leaflet. I'm sure you can also find it on the council's website. 

There are often reasonable explanations.. Such as, they walked, they took a bus, they got a taxi, a friend drove them. But if they are both visibly intoxicated while caring for their child, that's still a concern.

Xx


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## Pink lemonade

Hi natalie01
I'm glad you are in a better place now. I not really looked for places to channel this instinct, though it may come out naturally around my dogs, my nieces/nephews and maybe our friends kids. Although I do hold back abit on the friends kids part as its not our kids!

I found out about gateway through here and it's great there is some thing like that for women like us. It's been a real struggle for me, feeling alone as everyone else has started having their own families. Both friends and work colleagues. Can't get away from it!!!

I wish I joined these forums earlier! ... My counsellor did mention alternative ways to channel these maternal instincts, but for me, it's not just the instinct. It's the connection between mother and child I miss and want again. I had this with my mum, my best friend. She died a few years ago and I want the same great relationship ... . I want to be at least half as good a mum as she was.

I want to pass on the good she has taught me.

Thanks for reading guys. I really wish I joined sooner!


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## Matilda Snowflake

Interesting topic.  A few years ago I "downshifted" much "better" job and started working directly with small children.  It has really helped me with my nurturing, mothering needs.  Actually I only then fully realized that I have this side in me so strongly.  Sure, I have always loved children from distance and all my life wanted many babies of my own ... but when I started working in this job I reached such peace and calmness in my life.  It made me think that really some women (and why not men too) must have a very strong mothering instinct.  This job has really helped me.  I feel like I'm living the life that I should be.  The kids are with me up to 9 hrs a day.  ....  What I really wanted to say is that follow your instincts and do something (work, other activities) with children and that can help!  Especially if you can find something that suits you.  For me it has been important that I can work with the kids on my own.  That way I get to know them really well and can be totally myself.  Good luck!


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