# Gutted just doesn't come close



## JanieL (Jun 10, 2003)

Gutted just doesn't come close to describing how I feel this morning. Got a BFN.

I haven't even cried about it yet. If I go there I don't know how to pull myself back at the moment. It just seems so unfair. Why me? (the usual!) comes to mind. Perhaps it's just not meant to be. Maybe I'll never have a baby.

Can't write anymore. Just wanted to say thank you for all the support everyone's given.

Janie xx


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## birdynum (Sep 26, 2003)

So sorry for you Janie, will be thinking of you all day.

  

Your time will come

Deb


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## tjmac (Sep 14, 2003)

Janie, I am not able to say anything to make you feel better but I feel so bad for you. I was hoping with all my heart you would get a +.
I know the pain you are feeling as we all do here , look after yourself and Dh.
love Tj x


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Janie,

So sorry to read your news,  take time to heal and remember dreams do come true

Love Kim xxxx


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## Mel (Jan 1, 2002)

Janie,

I am so sorry sweetheart - you and your partner have a little healing time, you will get your wish - dreams do come true.

Mel

x x x


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## Lynne (Mar 20, 2003)

Oh Janie,
I am so sad for you. Been thinking of you all morning - what can I say, you must be heartbroken.
Lots of love from me, dearie xxxxxx 
Lynne


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## MichelleK (Sep 12, 2003)

Janie

Really sorry to hear your news - time is a great healer but spend this time grieving over your loss . You WILL get there in the end and your dreams of a family will come true - you only have to look at all the miracles that have happend on this site.

Take care and spend some quality time with you dh.

  

love

Michelle


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## sophie (Jun 2, 2002)

Janie

I'm so sorry to hear your news this morning. IF is just so flipping unfair and I really wish I could make you feel better.

Sending you lots of love
Sophie
xx


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## Dee (Jan 27, 2003)

Dear Janie

So sorry it wasn't to be this month. It's not fair .. life can be cruel at times but one day your dream will come true. Until then take some "me" time for you and DH and take care of each other.

Love and 
Dee
xxx


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Janie
I am so so sorry to read your news.
One day you will have your dream, this time was just not meant to be, take time with DH, and I wish you all the luck in the world for your future.

Love and 

Jo
x x x


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Dear Janie

Sorry about your test result - take care of you and dh - it will be your turn one day - hang on in there hun

thinking of you
LB
x


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## caron (Sep 1, 2003)

aww Janie, I feel for you both, please don't give up your dream it will happen one day,take care of yourselves, sennding big hugs
love caron xx


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## RSMUM (Sep 3, 2003)

Dear Janie,

Been thinking about you all day - so, so sorry to hear your news - big  to you and DH - it is so unfair, so sad. 

Take time now for yourself and DH to grieve and one day the clouds will begin to lift and you'll get strong again to try another go, I'm sure.

Hang in there.

Thinking of you,

Deb


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## Bev H (Nov 4, 2002)

Dear Janie
I am so so sorry, sending you masses of hugs ^group^ ^group^ ^group^ ^group^.
Take care love from Bev H xxx


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## SueL (Mar 22, 2002)

Dear Janie and dh

Sorry that this tx didn't result in the result you dream of. The tears are best off out than in. You've given a lot of support to others, so please take some back. Thinking of you.

Love Sue
xxxxxxxxx


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## LizzyB (Mar 25, 2003)

Janie,

So, sorry this wasn't your time  

It'll happen for you, hun - look after you and DH

Thinking of you both, Lizzy xxx


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## Lilly (Apr 27, 2003)

janie 
i am so sorry hun to read your sad news take time to yourself and dh sending you big hugs 
lots of love lilly xxxx


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## jeanette (May 3, 2003)

Janie

Im sending you a really big .

I am so sorry.

Love

Jeanette xxxxxx


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## DJT (Aug 13, 2003)

Hi Janie,

I wish there was something I could say to make the pain go away, but as you know I just got a negative as well and it is hard to be optimistic, but lots of girls do get pregnant so we've got to just keep holding on to that thought that one day it will be us.

Thinking of you and dh, i'm taking at least 6 months out to try and give my body a rest and to see where to go next. You've now got to do what's right for you and your dh, but whatever you do, take of each other.

Love Debxx


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## sam_mcl (Mar 25, 2002)

Hi janie - so sorry. You're always there for everyone, your posts on the message boards are testiment to that - so just know that we are here for you!

Don't give up hope - it will happen.

love
Sam
xxx


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## Fiffi (Aug 15, 2003)

Janie, I wish I could wave the magic wand and make your dream come true. I know words are no comfort... I send you all my good wishes. Just hold on to that dream...we all are..and they will come true for all of us.

a million hugs,
Fiffi


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## DawnJ (Sep 1, 2003)

Oh Sweetheart

Nothing I can say will take that pain away, which if I could you know I would do!

If only there was a magic formula that we could all share! You Laine would deserve to be at the front of the queue!!

Take some time out for you and DH now!

We are here when you want us!

Love Dawn xx


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## DawnJ (Sep 1, 2003)

Now how clumsy was that? Sorry I meant to say Janie.


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## Fee (May 8, 2003)

Dear Janie and Debs
So sorry to read about your negatives. 
 fee


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## JanieL (Jun 10, 2003)

Dear All,

Thank you for your kind messages. I do appreciate them and sorry I haven't been around - I just need some time.

I'm really struggling with it. Dh is changing his mind about having kids altogether which I am finding difficult -that's resulted in him pulling away from me and not understanding how I'm feeling which is really hard.

I feel angry, hurt, betrayed and lonely. I desperately want a family and desperately want to make my dh happy and I can't see a way to do both at the moment.

I've booked to see a counsellor from the clinic but that won't be until next month.

I can't see the point of life without a purpose. And I can't see what purpose there is to life without a child. (Not that I would do something silly - believe me). I know life has to go on but I need something to work towards and I can't see what that could be.

If dh does change his mind about a family then I will respect his views - I have little choice. I love him to bits and I don't mean to make him out to seem like a monster - he isn't at all. 

Just don't know where to turn to next.

Thanks for all your support - sorry to sound melodramatic!

love Janie xx


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## Karen-C (Sep 22, 2003)

Janie

It doesn't sound melodramatic at all. We can all appreciate what you are going through and I'm sure we all love our dp's and dh's to bits but I don't think any of them really understand what it's like to desperately want that baby and for it never to happen.
My dh is very positive I must say and isd convinced that it will happen one day for us. I must admit I feel very negative at the moment after having one failed IUI cycle and my current cycle has just been aborted as I had too many follies! Life just aint fair! But we have to keep on going and hopefully our time will come. I don't want to go through life without any kids and sometimes I feel such a failure in the fact that I can't do the job nature intended me to do! Don't know what will happen if I never conceive - just don't want to think about that but trying to stay sooooo positive just now. I know it's only my first failed cycle but it still hurts and now with this second one aborted I just feel like I'm never gonna get there!

Chin up anyway and keep on going. Thinking of you!

Love 

Karen xxx


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## sas jane v (Aug 7, 2003)

Hi Janie -hope you are not feeling tooo lonely - i do know how you feel and my dh was like that after each attempt (now waiting for #7) but with plenty of time was able to see how much it means to me to keep trying.
i wish you every happiness and remember what a special person you are with or without children. i found counselling a great help even if i bawled my eyes out thru most of it - it taught me to keep things slightly separate from each other and not put everything into one area of my life- sounds impossible but seems to help in the long run 
big hug anyway
sarah xx ^pumpkin2^


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## 3isacharm (Sep 26, 2003)

Janie,
I am sooo sad for you and your DH. I wish your results would have been different, I am sorry. Just keep crying, feeling sad and angry is ok as long as you remember how special you are as an individual. If your DH is anything like mine, he has not talked about it yet (and we got bad news last Monday). Give him time, he'll come back. He is probably protecting himself and you from future disappointments and pain. Men are different than women, they can't seem to express pain so openly. I am just now starting to feel better, but still cry every time someone says they are sorry and everytime I put Stuart to sleep. You are right, it isn't fair. Being a mommy will happen for you, don't give up. You have 5 snowbabies left? The right one will hold on.
Give yourself time, and the counselor idea is wonderful. I have met with one (during divorce) and it not only helped get me through painful time it made me a stronger person. Try it, even if you cry the whole time, that is what they are there for (to listen to you).
Take Care and stay strong, it'll happen for you I just know it.
I will probably not be on this site for a while until we decide what our next step is (IVF is out too much $$$ in US with no help). We are thinking about vits for DH and then try natural (GOd will give us what he plans anyway, we can just try and help right?).
Much love and keep your chin up.
Virginia


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## Leni (May 14, 2003)

Janie,

So sorry to hear your news.
Sending you a hug  and letting you know that you and your dh are in my thoughts.

Leni x


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## Allie123 (Oct 2, 2003)

Janie,
I am so very very sorry to hear your news. I wasn't on the site yesterday , but I had in my head that you were testing today , so I've been wishing you luck all day.

This whole thing is so very cruel.

As you know it all went wrong for me last week and you were there for me so I want you to know that I am here for you.

I totally understand the situation at the minute with your dh - I don't know how many times I have said to mine in the past week that he just doesn't understand how I am feeling. Men just don't know how to handle the situation - they know we are hurting but don't know what to do or say for the best. 

Everything will be very raw for both of you at the minute , so the best thing you can do is just hold onto each other and just try to get through it together.

I wish I could just give you a big hug and tell you that you are not alone.

Take care of yourself and your dh.

Thinking of you

Allie
xx


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## EmmaJo (May 25, 2003)

Hi Janie

I am so sorry that you didn't get the BFP that you deserve. I am sending you loads of hugs.  .

Men sometimes find it hard to deal with their emotions and feel helpless when they see you so upset. I suspect that he feels that he doesn't want to put you through the emotional rollercoaster all over again.

Your snowbabies are out there waiting for you and I'm sure that your dh will eventually change his mind once you have both had time to heal.

Take care of yourselves.

Love Em xxxxx


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## JanieL (Jun 10, 2003)

Dear All,

Thanks so much for your messages - while I haven't really wanted to post, I've been reading them and it's really moved me that I've got so much support from you guys here - thank you.

I wrote down everything I wanted to say to dh and gave it to him yesterday to read. We had a good chat and I think we understand each other a bit better now. I don't think he's closed the door completely yet, he's had enough for now, which i can understand. We're going back to see our consultant in a couple of weeks for a follow up consultation and we'll see what he says but whatever, we won't do anything now until 2004. Just need recharge those batteries a bit.

After all your comments, I'm not going to give up. But I do think that I'll have to start thinking a bit more realistically that it might not happen and think about what we'll do if it doesn't. There doesn't seem to be much purpose to life if there aren't children so I'll have to find another purpose to drive me.

We should probably have a fall back plan so that things don't seem so bleak if we can't do it.

Anyway, thanks everyone and I'll soon be back cheering evreyone else on!

love Janie xx


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