# Another negative cycle for me



## cjn (Nov 30, 2004)

well BFN again, the up side is at least my period arrived on time. Last time it was two weeks late and that made it so much worse. found out my sister in law is pregnant again, she just has to look at my brother and she falls pregnant. Mentally I was much worse after this cycle in terms of the negative results. I think I am going to have a longer break this time. I just don't understand the world sometimes, I see women who clearly should not be parents and yet there are people like us who are ideal candidates and struggle to have children. I used to believe things happenf or a reason and now I am not so sure........


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

hi cjn
I am so sorry its a very diffiuclt time for you at the moment..I know what you mean by the saying 'there is always a reason'. I cannot quite work that one out, because if there was any fairness surely we wouldn't have to go through this heartache...
Please look after yourself.. Its a hard time for you at the moment, please take time to grieve....
I wish i could take that pain away for you...
love astridxxx


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## sorbet (Jan 4, 2005)

I know exactly what you mean cjn, just had a neg cycle and feel like there is no control over anything - why is it so random who gets a pos and who gets a neg?  Why is God answering the prayers of some and ignoring others?  I wish I could be positive for you, but I thought I'd just let you know you are not alone in thinking like this.


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## cjn (Nov 30, 2004)

thank you sorbet and astrid for your kind words and support. it's nice to know my feelings and emotions are normal. Thank goodness for the support on this website!!!


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

Hi cjn I recently went through a BFN that knocked me for six more than normal - it tough and I look at some women like you do who are totally unsuitable to be mothers and get angry but we can only try and stay   in the hope that it will be our turn soon.


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## Nubly (Feb 3, 2005)

Dear cjn

So sorry to read about your BFN.  As Astrid says do take time to grieve.  It is very important.  The loss of our embryos is a terrible thing and we then have to wait until our heartache eases up a bit so that we can move on.  I wish you lot of luck for the future.

Kate


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## Triciah (Mar 25, 2004)

CJN....There is nothing like a tx failure to make you feel like you life is one big empty shell were all your waiting for is this (what appears to be simple to everyone else around us ....apart from the ff folk) magical BFP. Our whole lives are consumed by dates and times, sniffs and jabs, bloodtests and scans. We do everything right (as much as we know and can) and it still doesn't work without any explanation. 

After our first IVF failure in November (third tx failure with 2 IUIS) it didn't make me feel better but helped to hear that tx failure is medically recognised as being the equivelant of losing a parent, spouse or child. And God don't we know it.....and especially you right now.  But it was good to hear that other professionals thought that too....cos that's sure as hell how it felt at the time. Can't say that my GP or friends or family were as understanding. Not their fault though. Most stayed away and didn't know what to say. Still don't. 

It just goes to show you how much we all want this despite the gut wrenching heart breaking pain it can bring. 

The other girls are so right re time although it's impossible when you;re in the emotion to imagine not feeling that intense feeling. And I think a longer break and doing fun things you can't do when you're cycling helps a teeny bit. Altho it takes effort but in the main takes us a tiny bit towards whatever 'normal' is. 

Take care hun and big hugs,.

T
xxx


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## jess p (Sep 25, 2004)

CJN,

Really sorry about your BFN.  It really is a truly horrible feeling.  I know it feels dreadful now but hopefully after lots of tlc & a good rest you will be able to face it again.

I hope this doesn't upset you - it's meant to make you feel better! 

I met up with my best friend who has 2 ivf children this week.  It took her 4 ICSI attempts to get her DD.  I can remember her howling her eyes out & me sobbing & passing her tons of tissues while her DH drowned his sorrows in the pub!  

But now she has her children she says she has completely forgotten the pain of all the failures.  I really hope this happens for you too.

It would be just about bearable if only someone could guarantee that at some point in the future it would be successful for us.

I think that coping with the sense of failure is hard enough without all the horrible emotional side affects of all the drugs - they just compound an already horrible situation.

Anyway, we're all thinking of you.

Sending you a HUGE great cyber  

Try & take it easy & stay strong.                

Best wishes, 
Jess x


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## Nicola K (Oct 20, 2004)

Hi CJN , big  

I was cycling with you in Nov/Dec, sorry to hear your news, you must be devastated.  No-one can take away the pain you're feeling right now and people don't understand around you.  

Both my sil have still  not spoken to me since my BFN in December, I've been so angry and hurt by their reaction, as each time they got pg -always around the time of my eps or failed ivfs, I've always bent over backward to make them feel comfortable with the sit, and seen the babies even tho it's hurting so much inside - all to support them and make them feel better - putting my feelings aside, and this is how they repay me.

I know people say they don't know what to say but it hasn't stopped the rest of my friends giving me support, I said to my DH, his dad has cancer, but you don't see the family ignoring him because they don't know what to say ( not that I'm comparing his sit with mine - his is far worse).  After all this my new years resolution was to cut out the negative people in my life and concentrate on the positive people - I'm more than happy to do that. 

I'm on my 2ww and am dreading the results as normally how I deal with it is throw myself into another cycle but this is to be our last one so not sure how I'm going to cope.  We need to move on as the last 5 years have been nothing but misery for us and we need to snap out of it.

Anyway I hope you find some way to make the pain go away - take some time out with Dh.  Nxx


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## elliott285 (Apr 28, 2005)

Hi my name is emma im new on this site and I am having problems like you, i have been trying for a bay for 2 years and last year my wicked sister in law got preggers on a one nite stand! i was so upset and angry, well the baby is a boy he is cute but everyone does not stop talking about him to me, they all know my problems wouldnt you think they would tread carefully?


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