# The bottom just fell out of my world



## Maisyz

Hello, my name's Maisy and the bottom just well and truly fell out of my world. AFter 2 years of tests and treatments and unexplained infertility today I got told I could try IVF but it has les than 5% chance of working. The nurse wanted to hug me (frankly I wanted to punch her patronisiing cow). Seems at 39 I'm a waste of time, I may have POF but she wasn't clear. Apparently I can try IVF "as it's a  bit like the lottery, might not be much chance but you should still by a ticket". Not sure if this is how all IVF places talk or if she needs some sort of help in customer management.

Anyway my life is rubbish and I hope someone can help me, guess no one can though


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## Ceri.

to FF!

Dont you dare give up yet! The nurse may need a poke in the eye, but you get yourself to another clinic or doctor for another opinion, there are options so dont give up hope, please!
Please have a good look around the site and feel free to post in any area, and make yourself at home. There are many who are on their TTC journey, and others who have been fortunate to have little ones with assistance. You will soon discover that our members are very encouraging of one another and offering advice or just simple hugs. There's a vast amount of information here for everyone, so start reading, posting and getting to know others. You will make some great friends too, lots of members often have meet ups locally too, for chats, coffee, shopping or even nights out! You can share conversations with one another freely, simply because we all understand each other. It's hard when family and friends don't fully comprehend what this journey entails and the emotions that go with it. That's where we come in!

Here are some links which you should find really useful at the moment&#8230;&#8230;

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Complimentary, Holistic and Spiritual Approaches ~ *CLICK HERE 

*What can improve egg quality and quantity ~ * CLICK HERE

*Unexplained ~*CLICK HERE

*POF / Early Menopause ~ * CLICK HERE

'Poor Responders' chatter thread .... These ladies will give you some great advice http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=249942.0

*A Rough Guide To IVF ~*CLICK HERE

*IVF General ~ *CLICK HERE

Have you thought about treatment abroad? Lots pf ladies have treatment all over the world now, lots of advantages etc ...

*Treatment Outside The UK ~ *  CLICK HERE
The Czech Republic and Spain are both very popular, have a look under locations for more info on those countries, there are clinic threads there too 

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment.

*Cycle buddies ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our chat room. We have a newbie day in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet one of our mods for support, meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

Wishing you lots of luck    and 
Keep in touch
Ceri xx

PS I have also sent you a pm (private message)


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## Maisyz

I gave up. I begged for help and no one came.


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## Ceri.

Have you much support arpund you at the moment? Friends, family? Is your partner supportive? 
I would definately seek  2nd opinion


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## dtw01

Hun you need to get a second opinion !!!

Please dont give up at the first hurdle ........we have all been there and it may feel like your world is ending, but read the stories on these boards . You r not alone and i have learnt more from my virtual friends than any doctor / nurse could ever teach me .

I hope you find the strength to carry on and that your dreams come true .

H xx


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## Wraakgodin

Maisyz, I think it is DISGRACEFUL the way you were treated.  I agree with Ceri, I would find a 2nd opinion, at least a more sympathetic clinic. 

FF has an over 40s board and there are numerous success stories, so 39 isn't too old.

Sue


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## kandykane

hi maisy  
after our first round of treatment (our only nhs funded cycle) the doctor i saw for my follow up said something similar and really quite hard to hear. she said we could try again but there wasn't much point really as dh's sperm was so poor and i was getting older. she really discouraged me and i left crying - completely ruined  
_however_, we then went for a consultation at Nurture in Nottingham where we were told we had good chances, we are still young and dh had plenty of sperm to pick a few good wrigglers. sure enough i am now 11 weeks pregnant. 
remember no matter what job people are in they can still be a) insensitive and b) wrong
like ceri says, don't give up. i would seriously get a second opinion. there are plenty of people on here with unexplained IF who go on to have babies.
stay strong love


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## ♥JJ1♥

I think that you should go to another clinic for a second opinion 
L x


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## Wraakgodin

Forgot to mention, I was marked down as unexplained and I was 38 when my IVF daughter was born.  I will hopefully have another cycle next year when I will be 40.

Sue


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## Maisyz

I've already told OH he should find someone else. At 39 my world just ended. All the nurse kept going on about was donor egg, something we do not want. I totally respect ladies who can do it so not being nasty, it's just not something I could do. The chance of them finding someone with our exact cultural and ethnic mix is close to zero anyway so it's always been out of the question for us. The even more appalling thing was she told me to go and get a chlamydia check in front of my OH who I've been with for over 18 years OMFG. AM seriosulty appalled by a nurse who can trivialise an experience so much. I left in tears all because of her. Good job I'd say.


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## kandykane

maisy maisy maisy - oh love i wish i could give you a great big hug   

we were told by the nhs we would need to look at donor sperm but we didn't. that nurse sounds like she's in the wrong job - seriously!

as for telling OH he should find someone else, my dp said that to me when our problem was diagnosed as Male Factor, I think it's common to feel that way but you really musn't blame yourself. i understand what it's like to feel useless and empty and hopeless but life _does_ move on.

how has your OH reacted to it all?

kandy xxx


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## Maisyz

I just feel they wrote me off - old girl no chance- I never write people off. I'd be a good mum.


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## Wraakgodin

Maisyz, I said exactly the same thing to DH so I know exactly where you are coming from.  My DH said that he fell in love with me, not my ability to have children and the fact that we needed help on that front doesn't change how he feels about me.  Even though we were marked down as unexplained I blamed myself, but he said that it was our problem, not mine. 

Find another clinic and see what they say, perhaps they will be more understanding and compassionate (well, lets face it, they couldn't be worse!) - I wish you all the luck in the world.

Hugs 

Sue


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## Maisyz

Thanks Sue. Feel traumatised by the whole thing. DH says the same, he doesn't want children with anyone else. I still want to let him have a chance elsewhere. I don't like complaining but really don't feel happy with the clinic, never have really. Not sure what to do now. Feel like all is lost at the mo and very alone.


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## Ceri.

You could throw your anger and upset into a complaint letter to the hospital re the nurse you saw, but I'd say channel it into looking for another clinic, show the moo who's made you feel this way, that she is in the wrong job. Start off by chatting with your oartner, and maybe ringing a few clinics to ask questions etc. Have a look at the HFEA site, you can search local clinics, or anywhere in the UK, see which procedures they do etc 
http://www.hfea.gov.uk/fertility.html and of course you can ask us here, anything!  
Please dont give it all up yet  There are so many successes/miracles here on FF.

xx

/links


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## Maisyz

I know there's no point in complaining. I just had to say something somewhere because I have no one, nothing.


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## ♥JJ1♥

As a nurse manager I would always like to hear if a member of staff has upset a pt, there maybe a training issue etc she may already being monitored for similar behaviour, it can't change your experience but it can others and stop them experiencing the care you had.  Also I think that if you do complain the do ensure that you don't have reason to complain on your next visit! You could ask for an appt with the consultant to explain you chances as you weren't satisfied with the nurses consultation.


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## Maisyz

she was a nurse manager too. There's no point in complaining. Like she said it's just a lottery and I'm old


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## Maisyz

Thankyou Mandie. I'd rather not say where I went for treatment. Just feel devastated by it all.


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## dtw01

Maisy , 

I know how your feeling , i still when i am having a bad day tell DP to leave me as i am ruining his life................but your other half loves YOU , and pushing him away really wont help either of you . You are in it together and yes you will have good days and bad but thats what makes you stronger .

I was told in no uncertain terms that i would never be a mummy ......not there yet but am B****y well gonna prove that awful doctor wrong !!!!!

be strong hun , get a second opinion and you will realise there are some wonderful Dr's and nurses out there who really want to help .

H xx


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## kandykane

maisy, you're _so_ not too old! take a look at this area http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=162.0
it's the over 40's section - I know you're only 39 but you'll see there are plenty of ladies who are successful over 40. I think the clinic you went to sounds sh*t quite frankly. Like Ceri says, you can channel your anger and upset into finding another (good!) clinic where you can have a consultation. It might cost £200 for the consultation but it might be the best £200 you ever spend. If you are close enough, Nurture (Nottingham) is excellent , I've also heard great things about Care, CRM, and there are lots of other good clinics. Ring round till you find one you're comfortable with. The HFEA website has full info on all clinics in the UK and you can search by what they offer and location to narrow it down.

And dont let that silly cow at the clinic bring you down, she clearly has no people skills at all! how dare she be so flippant with you!


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## Wraakgodin

Just to add to kandykane's post - here is the direct link to the over 40s success stories http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=59854.0 I hope they will inspire you and prove that you aren't too old, no matter what that stupid nurse told you!

Sue


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## Maisyz

Not sure what to do now. Still don't really understand what my results mean really. Spent the night googling and seems POF means only option would be ED so don't understand why she would say I could have a go at IVF anyway. Don't really want to stay with this clinic as just feel they are going through the motions but don't know how to change (am NHS) feel if I make a fuss risk wasting time which I don't have. Don't want to have to see that nurse manager again either, as much as Iwas upset I really don't think it is appropriate to offer to cuddle a patient who clearly does not want you to do so or to trivialise the whole IVF experience by comparing it to the lottery. I hoped I'd actually get some answers from a real fertility expert, have been waiting two years and now feel devastated. Desperate for someone to help me.


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## kandykane

If your GP referred you, go back to him/her and ask to be transferred to a different clinic because you are not happy with the 'care' you have received at this one.
Not sure what POF is - sorry   

kandy xx


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## lisa_A

dont give up.

i am 39 and yes our chances are lower but hun 5% seams too low.

seek another clinic, not sure where u r but there are nots out there that treat older ladies and have a great sucess rate.

i ersonally moved to donor only because this was cheaper for me, if i had the money i would do a fresh cycle myself.

DONT GIVE UP ITS NOT OVER BY ANY MEANS,
lisa
xxx


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## suitcase of dreams

sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time

I think you need to take two immediate actions:
1. complain to the clinic where you received poor service (partly because this will help you feel better/move on and partly because no one else should have to go through what you have experienced)
2. find another clinic/consultant to get a second opinion - I don't know how this works for NHS patients (I'm single so forced to go private as NHS does not support single women and fertility tx at all) but worst case could you pay the money for a private consult to get a proper opinion? You could get some advice here on FF as to who would be the best consultant to see in your area

What tests have you had done to diagnose POF? Have you had AMH tested (indicates ovarian reserve), LH/FSH? What were your results? If you post them here others may be able to offer help/advice from their personal experience
Do you have regular periods? Are you ovulating? Do you monitor your cycle etc? 

It is true that IVF is a bit of a lottery, overall I think success rates are only 30% with OEIVF, so you do have to be prepared for a long and challenging journey but this does not mean that there is no hope. And plenty of women have been given low chances of success and gone on to have their much wanted babies. So don't give up, get tough, challenge your clinic/nurse/consultant and fight for proper answers and treatment    

Wishing you the best of luck
Suitcase
x


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## Maisyz

Suitcase - it was the AMH test that was very low apparently. I don't know my actual levels, have asked but never seem to get them. Have had past tests where no issues were raised with FSH at all, then suddenly there was a problem apparently. Yes I do have regular periods I think that's why I'm finding this all so unbelievable. I couldn't actually even get my head round anything just wanted to get away.

Lisa - yes less than 5% seems reidiculously low but I know I'll never be able to forgive myself if I don't try.


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## Ceri.

Maisyz said:


> yes less than 5% seems reidiculously low but I know I'll never be able to forgive myself if I don't try.


Thats the fighting spirit Maisy! I havbe pm'd you by the way


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## lisa_A

maisyz,

you go for it girl, even if u get 2 eggs its 2 chances, ok u will be on max stim dose, nothing wrog with that, but unless u try u wont know. its certianly worth giving it a shot. if u have to pay unless u dont get to EC u hardly pay anything. and if nhs what u got to lose 

will await good news please let us no.

lisa
xxx


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## suitcase of dreams

Yes, def try to get a copy of your AMH results (they are obliged to give you a copy of all your notes - you may have to pay an admin fee but they can't refuse to give you copies)
Then you know what you're dealing with. Then check out the poor responders/low AMH threads here on FF - I'm sure there are lots of positive stories there to help you feel more optimistic
And as others have said, you only need one good egg at the end of the day

(I had the opposite problem - plenty of eggs but terrible quality and after 5+ attempts with own eggs I have moved to DE but I totally understand that this is not a path for everyone)

Good luck, and stay positive
Suitcase
x


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## lynsnjon

Maisy, please don't give up hun   , the NHS are absolutely appaling and that's being kind (sorry if I've offended anyone but that's my opinion) please, please, please don't listen to a word that nasty nurse says until you've had it confirmed by another doctor! 
Get copies of your tests sent to you and change clinics immediately, go for a consultation, most of them are free so at least you can speak to them about it. 39 is not old hun and there's women on here in their 40's that are pregnant! my hubby has no sperm at all so you'd have thought that that was that, but it isn't they can do amazing things now. We're about to go through ICSI which is the next step up from IVF, you only need one egg and one sperm to get pregnant.

Please get angry and fight this, you'll regret it if you don't.
xxx


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## kandykane

maisy - like suitacse says, you they are legally obliged to give you a copy of your notes under the Data Protection Act. They are allowed to charge an admin fee but they MUST comply.

lynsnjon - although my dp does have some sperm, he doesn't have very many and he has poor morphology and motility. we just had icsi and am now pg - it's amazing what utter miracles these clinics can perform. good luck with your treatment


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## ♥JJ1♥

I think the ladies and Suity has given you some good advice should you choose to persue it.
You have a right the a copy of your medical records under freedom of information, ring you PALS dept, as they will be useful for another clinic as well!
Also you dealt witht he clinic nurse manager, but there is a Divisional Head of Nursing and a Director of Nursing- again PALS can help you make a formal complaint, state formal as opposed to informal and then you will have to receive a written letter with the investigation taken into the points you raised, if you are unhappy with the response then you can take it to the ombudsman.

I would go back to the GP and ask him to get your results and help you as you don't understand.  
If you have POF then why would IVF work- it doesn't make sense really.  Also what is your AMH? what does this mean for you. Not all clinics like or use AMH including ARGC who are the most successful clinic for IVF in the UK.

I've cyceld before with a success rate of less than 5 % 2 yrs ago and still going. Unitl you have had a cycle of IVF they don't really know how you will respond.

Would a session with the counsellor help you, the clinic should have one as part of your care, if not your GP can arrange it too- I found it helpful.


IVF is a lottery really though, as there are many women with great blood results, responses to IVF and still never implant, for unknown reasons.

It is a fine line between comforting patients, ie touching there hand/arms, hugging them etc for some people it is clearly inappropraite and for others it is not it is appropraite - breaking bad news/dying pts etc the terapuetic use of touch can be very helpful but she has obviously read you very wrongly!!

L x

PS there are terrible doctors in the NHS and private sector just as there are nurses!!! just like in any profession


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## Daisy38

Maisy,

I'm sending you a huge hug.  Your experience typifies so many of the issues faced by couples going for IVF.  The insensitivity of some "professionals" really is appalling.  Its obvious that they have been in the fertility industry.....as I really feel this is what it is....for a long time and have become blaze about the impact of what they say.

Find a clinic your happy with, and certainly don't feel as if you have to give up.  



(P.S The folk that have treated you this way have given up in other areas of their own lives and are just projecting their own issues/negativity on you )


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## lynsnjon

Kandykane, I was in a rush when I wrote that cos the boss was approaching    he actually does have sperm but they will have to retrieve it surgically. I've been assured there's no other problem so am positive we'll get that BFP we dream of. The doctors really are amazing, I'm just sooo sorry that they seem to have trampled all over maisy like they have.

Maisy, where are you in the country? xxxx


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## Maisyz

lynsnjohn I'd rather not say really in case people take offence that I dare say anything negative about somewhere. Hope all goes well for you both.


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## lynsnjon

maisy, no one take offfence on here hun, we just all want to help, we all understand that people have vastly different experiences in the same hospital, mine included but unfortunately that's just the way things go. 
I've had to call through just about every clinic/hospital in the UK because of our circumstances and was just going to see if I could suggest a few hospitals that may help you. PM me if u want hun xx


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## Kaybee

Hi Maisy, as others have said do not give up at the first hurdle.

39 is not a write off and these fertility specialists can work miracles with all sorts of short odds.  
At the end of the day , as my Consultant said to me (I am 42.5) "There are many ways to make you pregnant" I have a reduced ovarian reserve and low AMH, but they haven't given up on me and I haven't given up on myself.  I have just started my stimilation drugs for IUI , today!!

Seek a 2nd opinion with another clinic. University College Hospital is the UK's leading assisted conception unit. Why don't you give them a call ? 

I hope you find this site as supportive as I have , and feel encouraged to keep on trying. 

Good luck. 
Kaybee. xx


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## Maisyz

Kaybee, thankyou so much. I honestly could not believe what I was being told. All she did was waft a piece of paper in front of me saying my AMH was very low and I'd be menopausal soon and that the chances were less than 5% etc. I know there may be little chance for me but I think at least the message could have been delivered better. I'm not asking anyone to give me false hope, just that I feel they are committed to helping me have some chance, even the tiniest one because I think we're nice people and deserve a go. We still haven't fully decided what to do yet, still feel in shock really. Again thankyou.


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## sparkleysophie

Hi Maisy,
So sorry for how you have been treated   .
We were given a similarly low chance of being able to get pregnant with ICSI and that was with our first consultant and clinic when I was 28. I was written off due to one high fsh. The cons said we had better get on with it and wanted to put 3 embryos back!!! if we made that many. I was shocked and scared and the clinic and her didn't feel right. We felt devasated and it took a while but when we built ourselves up again we went for a second opinion. This time we had what we felt like a balanced view and he basically said I'll probably not respond that well to the meds but the only way of knowing was to try it and see. We have since been v lucky. It is definately worth a second opinion and a go at IVF. 
Please take care of yourselves, there is much support on this site as you can see. They can't know how you will respond until you try,
All the best  
Sparkley x


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## coweyes

I am so sorry that you have been treated in this way.  It reminded me of how devistated i was to be told over the phone while at work by the fertility nurse (not our consultant) that i would need ivf.  It totally tore my life in half but it was completely compounded my the way i was told.  I was totally disgusted by it and by her!  The way you have been treated is terrible but try and see that as a separate issue to the 5% success rate you were given.  


I know there are a lot of reasons why ivf does and does not work for people but don't be put of my one person making a statement like that.  Lots of people on here have been given low chances but its worked for them.  On the opposite side lots of people , counting me have been given high chances but its not worked!  There is so much more involved than how your body is going to respond to ivf and that's something that consultants and fertility specialists don't take into consideration. There is diet, life style, clinic proticoles, which clinic you attend and so so much more.  There is also a digree of luck involved.


Why not get a second opinion, if you look at the hfea web sight and compare clinics you will be able to see the live birth rate for someone of your age and  situation.  YOu could always give them a call and have an informal chat.


As for having a chlamydia test, that is standard for any couple regardless of how long you have been together.  But i am slightly concerned that you have had "i guess??" all the fertility tests but yet they have not already checked for chlamydia.  It was certainly one of the first tests we had done.


Stay strong xx


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## Ceri.

Maisy ... I have pm'd you back xx


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## Jumanji

Maisy - I am so sorry you are going through this.  I have a couple of things to say.

The AMH test is far from foolproof and there seem to be an awful lot of people who get freaked out by their AMH result by a nurse only to be told later that it isn't that bad or it is only a factor etc.  Remember that some clinics (e.g. ARGC) don't really look at AMH and also very few clinics offer age-specific AMH levels.  A fertile 39 year old's AMH will still be much lower than a 22 year old's.

Second, at her first clinic, my sister was also told she had POF after her FSH result came back at 22 (she was 38 at the time).  She was also told her only option was egg donor and that she was "untreatable" and had "zero chance" with her own eggs.  The clinic flatly refused to even try IVF with her own eggs.  Like you, she was utterly crushed by this.  She then went to a different clinic who told her that her chances were reduced but that you could never tell just by test results.  Her first IVF cycle was successful and resulted in twins and 2 frosties - many a 30 year old with FSH of 5 and oodles of eggs would be happy with that!  Kate got 5 eggs which really isn't abad number at all.  

I think the lesson is that you cannot let yourself be put off by one person's insensitively phrased opinion.  I know if is hard but you need to arm yourself with information and get yourself down to a decent clinic. Please please do not give up.


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## Maisyz

Thankyou. I did stumble across Kate's story and it gave me some hope. At the moment I'm still trying to work out what to do now. I feel like my whole world crumbled.


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## Jumanji

Maisy - Kate felt exactly the same way.


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## maureeneve

im so sorry for you,cant get my head round just how insesitive some people can be.you are ment to be a mum only someone who wants a baby so much would even think of taking this road.im the mum of a 32yr old who has been married for 9yrs and trying for a baby for 6yrs dh has a prob.they have just been through first ivf it didnt work but will try again ia april.the people in the clinic are the best. PLEASE P;LEASE PLEASE dont stop, go to another clinic you cant be left like this,who have you behind you, lots i hope but if you need to talk or just need to rant im here for you.iv never read anything so bad.havent read all your posts but promise i will .just say RED what i did read.there is a world of help and support out there you just got someone who would be better at being in charge of hell.hope iv not spoken out of turn but i just feel for you so much.please let me know what your doing next.love mo x


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## luluh

Hey, don't give up girl!
Try all options and get the support you deserve
Luluh xxx


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## Canonlygetbetter1

Maisyz

I just wanted to tell you that my friend who has just turned 40 has just had healthy twins, naturally. She had been trying to conceive with her husband for 6 years and was told she had no eggs that they could do anything with and her ONLY chance of having children was egg donation or adoption.  Her sister agreed to be a doner and they went to the hospital to start the process and she then found out she was pregnant, naturally. She had been told there was NO HOPE - they were WRONG!!!!!

I know how you feel as I had an awful doctor doing an ultrasound and spoke to me like I was totally stupid i.e. "oh so you're 39, you've got endometriosis and you want a baby"! - I could have slapped her but was in a compromising position with a camera inside of me!!!!

Don't give up and please do try somewhere else.

Lots of love
Lou x


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## mo:-D

I think you should write a very detailed letter of complaint, no doctor or nurse has the right to speak to anyone in that way. You should get an apology at least... and then def go somewhere else... everyone has hope.xxx


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## purple72

Maisy hunny I too ws given less than a 5% chance of success with IVF with my own eggs and told DE was only real option, however my 4 month old is upstairs in his moses basket as we speak! Please go to another clinic and don't give up. In the end after 4 failed IVF's we ended up with a natural miracle, from what they said were shrivelled little eggs x


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## Maisyz

will try treatment but have lost any hope that it will work. That Nurse manager woman pretty much destroyed any tiny hope I had. Thw whole journey to this point has been hell, but I always believed that one day I'd have my little girl. Now I stopped believing.


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## purple72

Maisy sweetheart we all have times when we have felt like that, Infertility is not referred to as a rollercoaster ride for nothing, the lows are so dark and horrific, but hang on tight, and remember that nurse manager is just one opinion. And for what it's worth she's talking out of her ****. But remember we are all here to support you through those dark times. sometimes we think there is no light at the end of the tunnel when in fact it's just a bend in the track.

This time of year is so difficult when you are on the IF rollercoaster but hopefully in the new year you can find the strength to go to a different clinic, I for one will wish that for you Because you deserve to speak to someone who will be realistic instead of pessamistic and hopefully give you back the hope you need xxx


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## coweyes

The other thing worth remembering is that every clinic have different success rates, it sounds like your clinic don't have high success rates for older women.  Well that's fine thats the way they are, log on the hfea (think that's what its called) website and look at a clinic that specialise in success for your age.  


Regardless of age we have all been there, you will come out the other side and you will make decisions right for you.  I bet it you went to a different clinic you would get a completely different outlook!  Honestly listen to us the majority of us have had quiet a bit of experience with clinics and know that they change dramatically.  


I have used my clinic for 2 x icsi and and one fet i am now about to change clinics as i believe i will have a higher success rate with a new clinic.  Pick yourself up and book an appointment with a new clinic, just for a second opinion, think you may be surprised. xx


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## Maisyz

i feel totally pointless, totally useless i actually hate my life, just had to say. It's all ****


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## lynsnjon

maisy, 

U ARE NOT POINTLESS!!!!
U ARE NOT USELESS!!!!
AND YES THIS SH*T IS COMPLETE AND UTTER POOP!!!

have u had a second opinion yet? spoke to another clinic that specialises in helping ladies in ur age bracket? You'll find that clinics vary and often when one tells u u've got a 5% chance another will tell u u've got a 30% chance, it really does depend on where you've been. I know u told me the name of the clinic (not naming names) but from what i know it's not their "speciality", please please please don't give up on ur little girl until u've tried and exhausted every opportunity. From what i've heard more clinics in london help older ladies (i know ur not old hun) to get their dreams. Have a look at the stats on the HFEA website and see just how much it varies from clinic to clinic.

I know how hard this is but please don't give up without a fight

xxxx


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## lynsnjon

I also forgot to say that we saw a councillor at our local hospital and although i thought i didn't need to she really helped us, maybe it's worth a try. she wasn't judgemental and nothing goes on ur records if u want her name and number let me know xxx


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## don don

Hi maisyz,

I can totally relate to that, i am 39 and also felt the NHS couldn't be bothered because of my age, i had waited for so long for an appt after my blood tests that in a matter of 10mins with the consultant he was telling me that the best option for me was IVF or egg donation, even then he said i had a slim chance with IVF. he was so matter of fact there was no sympathy in his tone of voice. Its only been a month since i was told this so I am still trying to deal with it all day by day

Stay strong and positive
ddx


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## coweyes

I am going to a free open evening at The Lister tomorrow night, i believe they get really good results from slightly older ladies.  They have regular open evening, i would go along.xxx


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## Maisyz

Just wanted to update you all. When I posted I think I was at my lowest ebb ever and really did think I had not chance. But thanks to los of you and your advice I carried on. Currently half way through the 2ww in fact. So a big thankyou to everyone.

love 

Maisy x


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## Wraakgodin

good luck Maisyz!               

Sue


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## coweyes

Brill good luck x


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## nellie271212

Good luck, just remember there is always hope   no-one can take that away from you and these days there are so many advances in treatment. There are sure to be many more advances, just remember back to the days of the very first IVF baby and now we are at the stage in the medical world where they can do gender selection and avoid HIV transmission to babies. 

There is always a silver lining in every dark cloud! x x x


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## Clarrie

Hey Maisy,
Just read all through your posts and sooo felt for you  . I had a similarly tact-challeged nurse upset me after my m/c, and wanted to punch her too! Though of course I just walked away, said nothing, and have stewed about it ever since!
So glad to hear you're feeling more positive now though. I'm halfway through this month's tww too (can test next Tues) so I'll be thinking of you too now. Lots and lots of luck and baby dust to you too   xxxx


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## purple72

Sending lot's of         to you Maisy sweetie xxxxxxxxxx


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