# Sister in law pregnant



## Mrs G 0207 (Jul 8, 2014)

Never wrote about this before.  
But this last week me and husband have decided 100% we will be going for treatment next year, we have no chance ever of conceiving naturally and it has taken us a few years to decide we are ready to jump on the treatment train. 
Today I told my mum we will be going for treatment. And although my mum is my best friend in many ways, I feel she is very dismissive of our fertility problems and doesn't really understand  (how can she, she has 3 children) but she never wants to talk about it with me and will change the subject at any given moment. 
So anyway this morning I told her we were ready etc. And tonight, she phoned me to tell me my sister in law is pregnant. And I'm meant to be over the moon happy. My sister in law already has 1, my gorgeous niece who is the only baby in our close family  (1st baby of the next generation) and we all adore her, me included. So I'm not sad per say about welcoming a new addition, after all. All baby's are a blessing and bring so much joy. But tonight I'm sad. I'm sad for the journey we will have to take to hopefully be able to share the same news one day. I'm sad that I'm not allowed to feel sad. I'm just sad. I literally have no one to talk these feelings through with, apart from DH, who is on a night shift.  
No one knows secretly how I struggle, not even my best friends and to be honest I don't think anyone would understand. When people ask me why we don't have children yet I just reply oh were doing us right now. But really if we could, we probably would have a couple of children by now.  
So tomorrow when the news becomes public within the family, I'll put my brave face on and act like I'm elated. When deep down I'm not, how can I be when we have only just decided to pay thousands of pounds to try to share that happiness. But I'll get over it, and the love for the child will win over my feelings of sadness. But I just wish for 1 night I could cry with my mum and have her understand. But she would tell me I'm selfish and I have a different life, whatever that means.


----------



## dededar (Sep 17, 2014)

Hi Hun just wanted to say I know exactly how this feels ! It's not easy. Your in a very simular position to me pcos and my hubby has obstructive azoospermia. Best of luck with your coming treatment xx


----------



## ladybug8410 (Jan 12, 2015)

Hi MrsG, i can completely understand how you feel. Im sitting across my 6 month pregnant sister in law. We have been on this journey for nearly 3 years and when i found out she was pregnant earlier this year, i broke a little inside. 

Understandbly, my in laws are very excited as this will be first grandchild. Im staying with them for the week and there is already so much discussion abt baby strollers, car seats etc. I try so hard to keep a smiling face as i want to be happy for them. But honestly, its so hard. They have asked us to be godparents as well and im really hoping by then, ill be pregnant as am in the middle of a cycle right now. If not, im not sure how ill cope.

I dont really have much words of wisdom as I am still trying to figure out the best way to cope. But fear not, you are not alone..its a difficult time but your time with your little one will come..we just have to keep the faith!

Big hugs.


----------



## patbaz (May 21, 2010)

I understand completely where you're coming from. 2 years ago the day after I found out I had had a mmc my sil announced that she and her new boyfriend (3 months together) had had a happy accident and were expecting. Her due date was the same as mine. We hadn't yet told anyone about our bfp or mc and my sil had no idea about our fertility journey she was just excited. My heart broke that day into a million tiny pieces and still to this day when I see her lo I imagine what my lo would look like but I love her lo to bits and as time has gone on I have found these things easier to deal with. Don't get my wrong 8 rounds of tx takes its toll but you learn how to deal with things in your own way, it still hurts when someone close announces yet another pregnancy but you do learn to deal with it. I'm sending you big hugs sweetie xx


----------



## Mogster (Nov 1, 2012)

Sending hugs to you. I know how hard it is. The week I told my mum we were going to have treatment my brother and sister in law announced they were pregnant. They went on to have 3 children while we went through 7 rounds of treatment. In that time my DH brother and wife also had 3 children. 

My friends had 11 children between them all while we were trying and having treatment and I can't even remember how many babies were born at work. Each and every announcement broke me a little more inside and I really struggles seeing people pregnant. I coped much better once the babies had arrived as I just craved to be pregnant as that was my first goal. 

Please be kind to yourself and take time out of you need it. Everyone copes differently so do what is best for you as sometimes you need to be selfish to survive on this journey. 

I'm incredibly lucky to have my miracle and I hope you get yours too xxx


----------



## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

I so understand how you feel! I even posted about it in Dec 12! I felt as though they were having the baby destined for me, pregnant at the drop of a hat, no effort, no financial burden, MY baby; as though there are so many to go round. 
I had to initially avoid them both but after I was used to it I managed to get further involved and think because I had a plan of action it didn't feel as hopeless. 
Anyway skip forward treatment started and failed. Thought fourth was also failing as got another bfn so planned where I would go for treatment Jan 15 after visiting fertility show and yes was a late bfn Nov 14. What a difference that year made! 
As for others not understanding, they can't possibly and often people turn away from this as its such an emotive subject. And sometimes family think that by encouraging/forcing you to keep going with family that they're helping you not sinking into a deep depressive bout.
Good luck. Do you have anyway of starting treatment earlier? Are you not eligible for any NHS treatment?


----------



## Angedelight (Aug 17, 2012)

Hi
Please don't feel bad. Despite feeling happy for others, each announcement serves as a reminder that life isn't fair and I always feel very bitter for our situation,
Last year we met up with some friends who we didn't see often anymore (because they were pregnant I went into avoidance mode!). Made it through lunch with them which was ok but still hard having to ask about baby related stuff etc. Got home and in the space of 30 minutes, our nephew (25) phoned my husband to tell us that he and his girlfriend (of about about 3 minutes) are expecting. Cue breakdown from me. MIL then phones to say our other niece (29, 2 other children) is pregnant as well. Cue another breakdown and subsequent planning of how to avoid all family events. Then sending congratulations messages to all involved!.
Just be kind to yourself. No one will understand infertility unless they have experienced it themselves. Some people may empathise a bit better and some people just don't have a clue what to say. I'm a bit like you, when the situation requires it I almost play a part. Or mostly avoid situations that will be hard.
Good luck with your treatment.
X


----------



## Mrs G 0207 (Jul 8, 2014)

Thanks all for your understanding and comforting words. 
I feel a bit better today, and as I say I adore the little girl they already have. We have such a special bond and I couldn't imagine life without her. 
I think I just feel this one is 'unfair' as we have made the decision to go ahead with treatment and the day I confide in my mum, they tell her they're pregnant.  
The reason we are going next year is we have 2 big holidays booked. 1 next month and then one in February, we have decided they will be our last 'adult' holidays and then we will focus on trying to have a family.  I know that may seem silly bearing in mind I have expressed how much I want a baby. But once we have done the Feb holiday, our focus will be on trying to conceive.  
My BMI is too high for NHS treatment, I have lost 3st and will continue losing weight, but the wait list is so long for sperm retrieval for DH (and they won't put him on it whilst overweight) that I know once we're ready we won't want to be waiting around if that makes sense?


----------

