# Post adoption depression



## Bubble41 (Jan 20, 2008)

Hi all

After a very long road our dd came home a year ago aged 3.

I took 10 months adoption leave and while I was off i suffered from pad. I felt very alone as i found the whole experience of being a new mum to a 3 year old very overwhelming. Obviously she was settling in over this period so there were lots of tears and tantrums.

I felt so bad as I had so many ideas about how it was going to be when I was a mum but my actual experience was very different as for most of it I was so stressed out and anxious.

Although everything has settled down now, I feel so lucky to have my beautiful daughter and I have gone back to work I still don't feel like I should, I get very down still (which is hard for me to admit) and feel so guilty about it.

Any else felt like this ? 
X


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Massive hugs I felt exactly the same for the first few months and couldn't believe I wasn't coping. I felt too ashamed to tell my friends and family as we had waited so long.  I then had to tell my mum as I was in town and just couldn't stop crying.hubby was at work. Thankfully my parents are amazing and were so supportive and once I opened up things became so much easier. I still have dyas when I just want to scream but I had those pre dd so think that is just me.

Is there anyway u could change your work pattern. I can't really offer words of wisdom but it really is still early days in your lo's life with u. 
Massive hugs xx


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi Kelly
Sorry to hear how you are feeling  
I'm afraid I'm only at the start of my adoption journey so no experience of pad. 

But I do have experience of depression so can sympathise with you  . Guilt is a major symptom of most types of depression, as is feeling ashamed and finding it difficult to admit how you are feeling. 
I wonder if you could get signed off work by your GP? Are you having any treatment or psychotherapy / counselling?

I know it's easier said than done but please remember it's not uncommon to feel this way, it's probably been a tough journey to motherhood for you if it was anything like most ladies on FF. So I hope you can be nice to yourself and hope you can get some help from your GP or other professional. 

None of this is your fault at all. It must be very overwhelming indeed. 

Sending you massive hugs too, take care

GG xxxxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I can't give any personal advice but I just wanted to say the SW's discussed PAD and how common it is on my prep training this week. Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone. Sending


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## MummyAuntieKatie (Oct 18, 2012)

Whatever you call it, having such a life changing experience will always have the possible downside of causing issues, with self confidence, stress and depression.  It's not a reflection of how you cope, it's a chemical imbalance and you need to take care of you to ensure you get better.  I hope you get back on an even keel very soon, whatever you need to make that happen make sure you get help and support at all costs.  Look after yourself xxx

I've not had PAD, we are still going through the process, but I was off work with stress for a month a few years ago.  I needed time to lick my wounds and get my head back into a good place.  Big hugs to you and don't feel guilty, you can't help it and you will get better xxx


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## Dreams do come true (Jan 4, 2012)

Hi Kelly

I know exactly how you feel, 70% of the time I am fine, and although I feel very blessed and love my children more than anything in the world I do feel sad sometimes and find myself crying.

I am so happy to have my children, but I was talking to dh yesterday....at the same time as getting everything I have ever wanted....I feel like I have lost everything to get it, my car (convertable to people carrier), mu freedom, my money (mat leave pay!!!), my friends (they dont get it), my work, my sanity!!!!, and i don't know if what I feel is normal, but from speaking to others I suspect it is. 

I soon pick up when feeling low, and I suspect that it will settle down the further into placement I get, only 6 weeks in with two...and not had any time away from them yet. 

I am currently trying to meet other adopters via various routes from Warks or west Mids as I think it will help.

The adoption sw mentioned PAD and said it is common and normal, particularly during year 1! I have never suffered from stress or depression...not sure if I am now but I don't feel quite how I expected to all of the time.

I hope you feel back to your old self again soon x x


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Dreams do come true. It really does help talking to people who have the tshirt.. sorry not close to you but would defo try and find people who are as it helped me no end. It does get easier and the fog lifts for me it was about 4-5 months and then every day was better and now 99.9% of the time its flipping fab the bit that isn't it not even bubba its just work that gets to me.
Would just say talk to anyone u can and don't suffer in silence. Its a flipping hard job and we should all be proud of ourselves xx


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## Bubble41 (Jan 20, 2008)

Thanks for your replies everyone, it's just nice to be able to be honest about how I'm feeling and know I'm not on my own.

Adopting my little girl was the best thing I have ever done, but also the hardest at the same time which I think family/ friends struggle to get sometimes. 

Good luck everybody on your journey 
Xx


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

U summed in up in a nut shell kelly. Take care it really does get better its just learning to juggle everything as well as adapting to going back to work which is truly awful. Take care hun xx


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

It's tough sometimes.  Things were tough when Wyxling came home.  I didn't really miss my old life that much, other than little things like the walk to work in the morning (I like walking, and half an hour with just me and my music was a good way for me to start the day).  I never thought I would say this, but I have come to really enjoy being a stay at home Mum for Wyxling, because she still needs me and she does keep me very busy.  I don't think I would feel fulfilled being a SAHM for a child without that level of need, but then if that were the case I would go back to work!  I did find her complete rejection of me hard, and struggled to know how to cope with her at times.  I also struggled with existing relationships because, as people have said, most other Mums don't get it.  I suspect I'm going to find things quite hard again when Bladelet comes home.  I've been talking to hubby about this and I really am quite isolated now.  My parents and I traditionally haven't had a great relationship but they really made an effort when Wyxling was placed and were actually quite supportive.  I haven't even heard from my Mum since a week before we met Bladelet, and she's not answered my calls yesterday or today, so I think we're back to business as usual.  She's there when I can catch her, maybe, and not to be relied on.  My in-laws were also very supportive, if very frustrating in their lack of appreciation of some of the issues, but that has really fallen apart over the last month or so.  I am worried about how I'll manage being quite so on my own.  Having said that, I do know more Mums in the area now that I've had Wyxling, and that helps.

DDCT, you are reasonably near to me.  Once Bladelet's has started to settle a little it would be lovely to meet up if you want to.  Our children are pretty close in age as well, although Wyxling can feel like anything from a baby through to a teenager depending on mood!


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Thank you for starting this thread kelly - it is something I've worried about.  After waiting for so long (and still got a long way to wait yet!) it does worry me that when it finally happens, I will struggle to cope and that being off work won't be as great as I think it will be.  Reading that I'm not the only one to have thought those thoughts makes me feel more confident in being able to deal with it.  We are very, very lucky as have a lot of friends and family who are extremely supportive, but I do wonder if they will understand once we have lo with us.


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## Bunny Face (Jan 20, 2008)

Dreams do come true said:


> Hi Kelly
> 
> I am currently trying to meet other adopters via various routes from Warks or west Mids as I think it will help.


Hello,

I noticed from one of your posts that you are looking to meet other adopters from warks/west mids. I live in Coventry and my DD came to live with us 3 months ago.

I adopted through Birmingham city council and therefore I attend adoption specific stay and play sessions in Birmingham but I'm not aware of anything in Coventry. Have you managed to locate anything?

Bunny
X


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