# How far will you go to have a 2nd child ?



## Agathe

Hello FF,

I am lucky enough to have a beautiful baby boy who just turned 2 early April.
It took me 4 IUIs, 2 IVF/ICSI and 1 FET to get there.
I started trying again when he was 9 months old and had 2 more IVF/ICSI and 2 FETs but no luck so far.
Should I call it a day ? Do you think it is worth persevering ?
I cannot imagine having an only child, it makes me cry non stop. My last BFN was only last Sunday so I am really feeling miserable at the moment.
My head is telling me to stop, I have been at ARGC since the beginning so always in good hands. At the same time my heart is telling me to keep on trying. I sometimes feel that I have been cursed and that only bad things will happen to me from now on.
What would you do ? Try again ? Give up ?
I am at a complete loss.
Thank you all to your ongoing support.

Agathe.


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## FLH

Hi Agathe

I don't have an answer for you but just wanted to say hi and send you a  

It sounds like you have been through a lot since you started trying to conceive a second child. Maybe its too soon to make a final decision about if you should have further treatment? It seems like you need to take some time to come to terms with the BFN. 

The thing I have realised about treatment is that it is so frustratingly random. I am sure that its not a sign that only bad things will happen in the future. I felt exactly the same when I was ttc the first time round. I was convinced that it would NEVER happen and that my negative thoughts were adding to the failures. 

I wish I could be more help. I know its a question that lots of us will have to face and it seems so unfair.

I am sure that you will get lots of support from many people on FF who know exactly what you are going through. I hope that will help a tiny little bit.

Take care, lots of love

Frankie xxx


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## Shoe Queen

Agathe

You poor thing, I totally know what you must be going through. I myself am desperate to give my dd a sibling.  We had 2 IUIs & 2 ICSI to conceive her and I thought that would be it but the longing for another child completely overwhelmed me.  I had a further FET and another ICSI last year which resulted in a BFP but sadly I m/c - we were devasted but I didnt want to give up.  Unfortunately due to the cost and emotional expense we decided to give up on tx but have not given up on the idea of having another child.  We are now hoping to adopt.  During our process my dh inherited quite a bit of money and we were again faced with the option of paying for tx but after a long consideration we decided to stick with our decision to adopt instead.

Only you can decide the way forward whether to continue on with tx and if we'd had the money initially I probably would have too but since looking at other avenues I am happy with the decision we have come to.  Only you know what is right for you and your family and I hope you have success whatever decision you come to. 

x


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## leppyloo

Hi Agathe,

Your little boy - won't be 'little' for very long.  So if you feel that this whole process is spoiling your time with him, maybe that is a reason for stopping or at least postponing treatment.  

I can completely empathise.  I have TTC since my son was about 18 months - so coming up to 3 years now.  However I just tried Clomid and herbs and stuff like that.  I am kicking myself for not starting IVF in 2008!  I don't feel it has totally spoilt my time with him but it has dragged me down over the years and I feel as if I've put my life on hold a bit.  2 miscarriages have added to the gloom ... and all of this sadness takes away from my happy times with Sam.  I also initially felt quite panicky about never having another baby.    As I started to put Sam's baby stuff away - my heart ached.  But as time has gone on - I'm feeling a bit better about it.  I want to enjoy every step of Sam's development and I'm focussed on that now.

So I've decided to try IVF this year and depending on the outcome of the 1st TX ... I might try up to 3 times and then stop.  I think it is good to have a deadline.

Have you tried any holistic therapies?  I can recommend reflexology for general well being and relaxation.  And I have been having acupuncture for a few months to help prepare me for IVF.  

Take Care

Lee x


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## ICSI CHICK

Hi Agathe

I have just read your post and you are feeling exactly the way I feel right now!

I had my DD after my second ICSI in 2005 - she was born December 2005.  Since then we have had 1 FET then a fresh cycle of ICSI which after 2 fantastic embryos, resulted in a BFN this year (May).

I always said I'd be happy once I had my baby, but that longing for another began when she was about 2.  I know we are so blessed to have her, but I would love to give her a sibling.  It makes me really sad to think we may not be able to give her that and I've been getting myself quite depressed about it.

To make it worse - my best friend got a BFP (natural conception after 4 months) on the date I got my BFN.  I'm finding it sooo hard to deal with.

We have said 2 more cycles, but I don't know whether I could actually give up if we didn't achieve a pregnancy within that time.  We are trying naturally, but with severe male factor and never achieving a natural BFP since being with hubby 10 years, I'm not obviously expecting miracles!!

Sorry, rambled on with my own feelings now!!

Take care

Kim
xx


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## ICSI CHICK

Hi girls

Sorry to use this thread as a personal message but I'm trying to reply to a messgae from Cath (Tiger) and having trouble doing it!!  Not sure what I'm doing wrong (new to the boards).

Please could someboedy help me!

Cath - I have responded and would love to chat more - I did in fact try and PM you before you PM'd me as I saw your history and thought "OMG - it's me"!!

Kim
xxx


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## Hola

Hi - can we please reactivate this board? I can totally relate to all lovely women on here and would really appreciate a few friends while trying to decide what to do after my  (very) recent m/c.
X Hola


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## Praline

I know how you feel. I'm due for my pregnancy test on Friday, which is the 2nd attempt (1st failed FET, then IVF).  I was upset but reasonably calm after the 1st FET, but if Friday is a BFN I will be devastated. 

I have the most beautiful 21 month old now and want so bad to give her a sibiling. She arrived after 3 IUIs, 1 IVF and 1 FET so I'm really grateful to have her. I now have 6 frosties left. If my current IVF fails, I will try for 1-2 more FET and then I will stop as I don't want this to consume my whole life. Also feel bit guilty that I want a 2nd child when so many women can't even have one.


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## Hola

Hi Praline -
So nice to have some company here!
It's silly to feel guilty, isn't it? I feel like that sometimes too, but the urge to have a second child is just as big!
I so hope that Friday brings good news! Was it IVF or ICSI? Day 3 or day 5 transfer?
Sorry about all the questions... 
X Hola


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## Agathe

Hi Hola,

Your little daughter is so cute...
It seems that you end up pregnant at every single treatment (despite your very sad m/c).
I am sure it is only a question of time. It must be so heartbreaking to have a BFP and then a M/C.
When are you thinking about starting again ? Did the Dr say why you m/c ?
Good luck to you all,

Agathe.


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## Hola

Hi Agathe! Your name sounds so German - do you have a German background?
Thanks about the compliments about my daughter - she is such a sunshine, sometimes can't believe my luck!
Well, I don't seem to have a problem getting pregnant (let's hope it stays that way), but I am having very little luck with twin pregnancies, let's hope the next one is a singleton!!!
My doctors are fairly sure that my gorgeous identical twins suffered from "twin-to-twin-transfusion-syndrome", which affects about 30% of all ID twins and is often fatal...it somehow helps to know why I miscarried.
I will see my consultant on the 22nd to discuss the plan of action. I'll probably start again in August. After my first twin loss (April 2007), I started again really quickly and was pregnant with my daughter 3 months later...so, I am keeping everything crossed.
Tell me about you though - how did your April try work out?
X Hola


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## Praline

Hi Hola,
I couldn't wait and did a home pregnancy test. BFN.  
feeling really devastated, much worse than the first BFN. They were day 2 embryos. I didn't have many to choose from (only 3 good ones), so the doctor suggested it was best that I did a transfer.
Was planning to do another frozen cycle, but not having second thoughts as I don't want to go through the emotional upheaval again. Plus I have polycystic ovaries and prone to OHSS. this time round, my E2 shot up so I was put on a albumin drip, had to eat 5 egg whites a day plus protein shakes, which gave me consipation (sorry TMI), then my E2 dropped too low...

Sorry about your m/c. thankfully it hasn't happend to me, I think it's so much worse than seeing a single line on the test stick.

I now need to give my daughter a big hug - she is indeed a miracle child.


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## Agathe

Hi Hola,

I am not German (although I think I must have some German origins somwhere) but French. 
To answer your question, my 4th IVF-ICSI was another BFN. This time I decided not to spend my 2 weeks wait in bed obsessing about it so we went to France for a long WE. I was really shocked to have a BFN but did not regret my decision. I am now seeing a counsellor which helps a little bit. And I am thinking more and more that I have to accept my situation and move on. I am still secretly hoping that I will have a BFP with my frozen embryos in September. I feel that I have spent so many years centered about this and I have become a much sader person. I am finding it so hard seeing young babies and pregnant women. Plus I will turn 38 in Sept so I don't think I have much chance.
Anyway, I wish you the very best and am sure you will hold another little baby in your arms very soon.
BTW, have you thought about single embryo transfer ?
Take care,

Agathe.



Hola said:


> Hi Agathe! Your name sounds so German - do you have a German background?
> Thanks about the compliments about my daughter - she is such a sunshine, sometimes can't believe my luck!
> Well, I don't seem to have a problem getting pregnant (let's hope it stays that way), but I am having very little luck with twin pregnancies, let's hope the next one is a singleton!!!
> My doctors are fairly sure that my gorgeous identical twins suffered from "twin-to-twin-transfusion-syndrome", which affects about 30% of all ID twins and is often fatal...it somehow helps to know why I miscarried.
> I will see my consultant on the 22nd to discuss the plan of action. I'll probably start again in August. After my first twin loss (April 2007), I started again really quickly and was pregnant with my daughter 3 months later...so, I am keeping everything crossed.
> Tell me about you though - how did your April try work out?
> X Hola


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## Hola

Hi Agathe -
My heart goes out to you! This truely stinks!!!! How strange that the fresh cycles are not your successful one, but a frozen worked! We are all so different, aren't we? Are you happy at ARGC? Have you ever considered a different clinic? Sorry, this is not meant to upset you...am just wondering.
I don't think it's time yet to give up. Look forward to your frozen transfer - it has worked before!!!
It's true that it makes us sadder people (but also wiser, more mature and more thankful).
I am finding it soooo difficult to have pregnant people around me too - I have 2 friends who will give birth at the same time as I would have if my twins had survived...luckily, they are in Italy and South Africa...
Single embryo transfer...mmmh, so difficult! I had 2 blastocysts transferred 3 times. Once, both stayed and m/c, then 1 stuck and I had my daughter and now 1 stuck and split...what does that really tell me? Am a bit confused, but will discuss it with my consultant.
On top of everything, I will turn 36 next week and in our situation, we are really not keen on birthdays, are we?
What's on our side, is the fact that we had healthy babies - so we can do it!!!
It just sounds like you could do with a different protocol or drugs...
Let me know should you ever feel like talking - and I can send you my number. I am in London as well.
X Hola


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## Agathe

Hi Hola,

Thanks for your answer. Yes it stinks !!! This is so difficult to deal with...
It seems that one of the reasons my fresh cycles are not working is because my progesterone is too high.
It is always around 10 before the transfer but ARGC likes it to be around 4. I am not too sure what that means but it is not a good thing. During my 2nd IVF, ARGC decided against a fresh transfer and froze everything. This is when I got pregnant with my son. The 3rd attempt was unlucky since all my 15 eggs were immature. This last time, the clinic hesitated between freezing everything again or trying a fresh transfer. Unfortunately it did not work.
I guess my hormone problems and my husband's testicular cancel cannot help.
Yes, yes, we can do it and I only hope that it will happen again. I used to say 'please please only one and I will be the happiest on earth' and now seeing how amazing it is to have a child I just cannot help waiting another one.
On top of that, I live in Clapham or 'Nappy Valley' and it is so so hard to see all these big families or bumps everywhere. I almost want to move out just because of that. It is really painful.
How are you coping ? Is your husband helping you a lot ? Are you seeing a counsellor ? Your recent miscarriage must have been such a torture...
I have to say I like Mr T very much, he has always been very nice to me but I hate ARGC. You never get an answer, nobody knows and you have to do as told. However, they seem to have amazing results so something must be good.
What about you ? Which clinics have you been to ? I think I do appointments in all of them.
I would love to chat and maybe meet one day, it is such a pianful thing.
Have to rush to a meeting, will write more soon.

Agathe.



Hola said:


> Hi Agathe -
> My heart goes out to you! This truely stinks!!!! How strange that the fresh cycles are not your successful one, but a frozen worked! We are all so different, aren't we? Are you happy at ARGC? Have you ever considered a different clinic? Sorry, this is not meant to upset you...am just wondering.
> I don't think it's time yet to give up. Look forward to your frozen transfer - it has worked before!!!
> It's true that it makes us sadder people (but also wiser, more mature and more thankful).
> I am finding it soooo difficult to have pregnant people around me too - I have 2 friends who will give birth at the same time as I would have if my twins had survived...luckily, they are in Italy and South Africa...
> Single embryo transfer...mmmh, so difficult! I had 2 blastocysts transferred 3 times. Once, both stayed and m/c, then 1 stuck and I had my daughter and now 1 stuck and split...what does that really tell me? Am a bit confused, but will discuss it with my consultant.
> On top of everything, I will turn 36 next week and in our situation, we are really not keen on birthdays, are we?
> What's on our side, is the fact that we had healthy babies - so we can do it!!!
> It just sounds like you could do with a different protocol or drugs...
> Let me know should you ever feel like talking - and I can send you my number. I am in London as well.
> X Hola


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## Hola

Hi!
Weird - I have never heard of "too high progesterone levels". Found this on the internet: "Progesterone levels above 3-5 ng/ml probably represent a functioning corpus luteum and levels above 8-9 ng/ml predict normal fertility. The actual minimum level required for fertility is not defined and has been estimated anywhere from 8 to 20 ng/ml. There is poor correlation between the appearance of the endometrium on biopsy and progesterone levels. Several factors can induce variability in progesterone levels including pulsatile secretion of progesterone, exercise, and eating." So, 10 seems to be fine. My fertility doc always says "there is no such thing as too much progesterone", but maybe he means AFTER the BFP. Not sure...but I will ask him.
I am with CRM London (St.John's Wood) and they are totally brilliant. Well, a BFP each time definitely is a good thing. They are also super professional, always contactable and I even have my doc's private mobile number - we talk quite frequently. He even sent a sorry card after my m/c. They initial consultation (I believe) is free...so it might be worth having a chat. They seem to have quite a different approach.
We also live in a 'nappy valley' - Maida Vale...so hard. And all my old friends from this last pregnancy are now getting ready to try for no.2. Crap!
X Hola


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## cocoarriba

hi.. just wanted to say !!!
hii am really in the same situation..  with 2 beautiful twin girls ans nearly 4...had one successful ivf and really longing for a sibling to the girls ..i feel so grateful i have them that i feel so selfish to want to have another one  the problem is i had egg donation and none left so another one means a step-one 
.......as she said..and i said it myself...heart says yes but brain says no.......
it is just  making me sooooooo unhappy !!! trying not to be for the family's sake....
cheers


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## fluffy jumper

I really identify with how you all feel.  Our DS is 4 and a half now and we have been trying for a sibling practically since he was born with no luck.
About six months ago after my BFN and I felt sure I had given up I gave away all our baby stuff to help bring closure.  My head says it is time to give up but my heart refuses so now we are going down the DE route.  

We had thought about adoption but were told by Surrey that we could not even start the adoption process until our DS is 6.  Tiger, your local authority must have different rule.  Where do you live?


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## shazzy

Hi girls
May i crash your party?  I am searching about the boards today after getting another BFN this morning   . This is my 4th ICSI.  My 1st ICSI resulted in 24 eggs so embryos were frozen and my 1st FET after that gave me my darling son.  Since he was 1 we have had another FET and 3 more ICSI.  I am heartbroken today.  I had said this would be my last attempt for emotional, physical and financial reasons but now that its a BFN i can't believe that i may never have another child.  I am far more emotional today than i have been with any of my BFN's.

I go away for the weekend tomorrow with my sister who is 4mths preggie!  I am dreading it  .  I have scanned through some of the replies on this thread but i am too emotional just now to take it all in and just feel relieved that i have found some like minded souls.  I was on an ICSI board for my area until now and feel i can't convey my disappointment because most of the girls have no children and i can only imagine they will feel i am "greedy" for wanting another child and that it can't be as bad for me getting a BFN as i have my DS - i am sure i felt that way before i had him so i can't blame them. My DS starts school this year so i'm   about that too and would dearly love him to be a big brother.  He often call my Sisters daughter his wee sister  

I realise it is early days for me and i need a few days to recharge my battery but i don't know if i should continue on this rollercoaster. Part of me thinks i should accept things as they are now and save myself any further distress.  We have only 2 ampules of frozen sperm left for our original 11 from my DH's op in 2003 so when it gone its gone - i won't be able to go on indefinatly - so do i use this as guide or stop now?  I'm so undecided.  At 39 my age is against me.  Although i'm producing eggs and the resulting embies are good grades, implantation seems to be the issue.  I was put on aspirin and clexane for this cycle to no avail.  As i scanned the posts i picked up on someone else here who had success with a FET but not with fresh cylces - me too.

I'm all over the place just now and need some sleep - i can't stop crying today, between that and hugging my DS telling him i love him - i think i'm losing it     I make things a little harder for myself by not telling anyone about my treatment. I am very close to my Mum and Sister but don't want to burden them with this especially as my Sis is preggie - she would feel awful for me and my Mum would be beside herself worrying about how i was coping with my Sister pregnancy blah blah blah so i chose not to tell.  They know DS is ICSI but i haven't discussed my TX's since.  Only people i told this time was a friend who lives 200 miles away and a random neighbour whom i hardly know (moment of weakness).  So other than my DH (whose not a great talker about it and is gutted by the BFN today) i can't blub to anyone.

So sorry for the me post girls just have to get this all out to people who seem to be feeling the same way.  Maybe after a few days away my head will be a little clearer.  My DH would be happy to try until the sperm is gone but he is also so grateful to have DS that he wouldn't mind it i had no further TX's (which makes me feel ungrateful and greedy  )

I'm rambling a bit now and am going to try to get some sleep. I would be very interested in any advice when i get home next week.

Sharon


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## Hola

Good morning-
Wow - this board is suddenly so busy!
Traceymohair - you are also at CRM! Who is your consultant? And you are starting DR tomorrow? How very exciting!
Sharon - I am so sorry to hear your news. Life is simply s**t sometimes. Take a few days and then discuss things with your clinic. You think 39 is pushing it? Don't worry - there's plenty of over-40s that still succeed.
Cocoarriba - you are not selfish, you just love being a mum. Are you on the waiting list yet for donor eggs?
I am now getting excited about my clinic appointment in 9 days. It will feel good to have a "plan" again and then go on holidays for 3 weeks. Just feels like by the time I get back, it's almost time to start the next cycle...Strange, the things we look forward to!  
X Hola


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## Agathe

Dear Sharon,

I am so so sorry for your BFN, I know how you must feel right now ! Even after 2 months I feel extremely down and I can cry for any reason so I can totally imagine what you are feeling right now.

Have you only used frozen sperm ? Is there a way you can use fresh one ? You mention your husband's op but I am not too sure what it was. My husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 2003, a few months after we started trying for a family. He had sperm frozen but apparently his fresh one is doing better (even though they do not really know about DNA alterations and that kind of things).

You must really look after yourself, I know everything will look superficial and stupid compared to your huge loss, sadness and pain but as you unfortunately already know, time is a great healer. 
I have now come to a stage (or I think) that I have to accept this situation and only see the next child (if I am ever lucky to have one) as a 'cherry on the cake'. 
My husband always says 'prepare for the worst, hope for the best' so this is my mantra at the moment.

I am still very tearful every time I see a bump or large families and I am so so jealous when my friends get pregnant. I just disappear and refuse to see them. It is just too hard. 
At the same time my life has been on hold for too long, I had to go and see a counsellor because I could not cope and I now think that enough is enough.

I might try again once or twice but I have to be in a different state of mind. 

I hope you will suffer a little bit less day by day.

Agathe.


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## Hola

Hi all-
Has anyone read the article in Grazia  on secondary infertility?  
X Hola


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## shazzy

Hi Agathe

Thanks for your kind words.  I was away for the weekend with my sister who is 4 months preggie and unaware of my TX so i had to keep my chin up which was difficult and i was a bit short with her a few times.  I have been hugging the life out of my DS.  The night of my BFN my DH went to pieces.  He came to bed late and sobbed like i have never heard him before   He said he had been convinced this was our time again.  He is not a good talker my DH and i honestly thought he would be happy for me not to have anymore TX 's after DS but seems he was allowing his macho image hide his true feelings.  I kind of forgot my own sadness a bit on Friday after seeing him so distressed  .  We are both much better now and he thinks that we should wait a few months and try again.  We only have 2 ampules of frozen sperm left so that would be our end of the road.  My DS was diagnosed azoospermia almost 20 years ago during his 1st marriage before the invention of ICSI.  In 1999 i asked him to get a second opinion after speaking to a Dr about DI, she explained that ICSI may be an option.  It took LOTS of persuasion (said he couldn't go through what he had felt like 20 years ago all over again) He eventually went for a biop and they managed to get some testicular sperm.  The Dr told him he had taken away as much testicular tissue as he could without him having to be on hormones for the rest of his life   so that is what i mean about there being no more sperm  .

One thing that you will relate to Agathe - the FET v's fresh cycle.  My BFP was from my 1st FET.  Since then all my BFN's have been fresh cycles all with good grade embryos so it seems to be implantation that is the issue.  Quite accidentally, prior to my last ICSI, i had a discussion with a neighbour who is a nurse.  She mentioned about clotting factors.  I knew nothing about this but right away was struck by the fact i can never give blood as my blood clots in the needle.  She said this should be investigated.  When i seen the prof at my clinic he advised i go on low dose aspirin and clexane during this cycle but my clotting factor wasn't tested.  Sorry if this next bit is TMI  ..... when AF came on Friday it is almost all clots, thats fairly normal for me but i would have thought being on the clexane and aspirin would have changed this AF.  I also wondered about the progesterone pessaries, maybe i'm grasping at straws but on my natural FET i never took those.  

I'm not sure what i should do next for both emotional and financial reasons.  I call my BFN's my £4K periods!  We have used up almost all of out life savings on this and i worry that along with the emotional trauma of another BFN we will also end up with financial problems.   I know for sure i need more time.  My sisters baby is due in November - i don't know whether i would put unnecessary pressure on myself if i went again before then  .  I agree with you about the state of mind Agathe.  Sending you big hugs  

Sharon


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## Agathe

Yes I have.



Hola said:


> Hi all-
> Has anyone read the article in Grazia on secondary infertility?
> X Hola


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## fluffy jumper

Sharon, before your next tx I would ask your GP to test you for all clotting issues.  I have just had mine done.  There was one they couldn't do and I had to go to the recurrant miscarriage clinic at my local nhs hospital.  If you explain your situation I am sure they would test for you.  Apart from the fertility issues if you do have a serious clotting problem then it might potential affect other areas of your health.

Hola, is the article in the latest Grazia or an old one?


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## Hola

Hi girls -
How is everyone?
Sharon, are you feeling better?
Agathe - I am missing you...
X Hola


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## Agathe

Sorry Hola just got super busy at work. Will write more on Monday and try to call you early next week.
Have a great we,

Agathe



Hola said:


> Hi girls -
> How is everyone?
> Sharon, are you feeling better?
> Agathe - I am missing you...
> X Hola


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## Hola

Hi girls -
Well, just had my consultant follow-up appointment and he recommends to proceed as we did after the loss of my twins the 1st time around.
Which means that we will now wait for my AF, then go on the pill and take Prostap on day 17...WOW. I didn't think that I would start that quickly, thought it would be a month longer. Well, bring it on!
How is everyone else?
X Hola


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## Agathe

Waoo that is exciting news !! Did you always take the pill before starting tx ? 
I keep everything crossed for you !!

Agathe.


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## Joeyad

Hello ladies,
I hope you don't mind me joining you all.
I've just had a BFN after our second DE transfer at IM Barcelona (frozen).  We have been extremely blessed to have boy/girl twins from our first transfer in 2006 & they are now 2, but since the day they were born, I have wanted to have more & have never spoken to anyone about it for fear of anyone saying "you are so lucky,you already have 2 why do you want more?"  Every day I think how incredibly blessed we are to have our DS & DD, but I can't help how I feel & one more would be the absolute icing on the cake & I feel would complete our family.
Sadly, DH is not of the same view, he now thinks that now we have used up all our embryos then it is all over, but at the moment I still want to try again & I'm not sure if I will be able to change my mind & give up or change his & try again.  Am I mad?  Should I just stop, give up & be thankful for what I have?  Will I always mourn the fact that number 3 never happened?  Will I regret that fact that I never went with my heart & tried another fresh cycle (that has a 70% success rate, compared to the 32% for FET).
I have also just turned 41, so am I too old to be having number 3, considering tht I already have 2?

So many women on this site have tried for years & have not been as blessed as we are & are still trying for their miracle, so should I be counting my blessings?

We also didn't tell a soul about the last transfer & this evening I told my Mum & a very close friend & they both said "well at least you have two beautiful children".  Does anyone understand how I feel?


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## shazzy

Hi Joeyad

The short answer is nobody knows how you feel and how could they?  If you have children naturally then its perfectly acceptable to have as many as you wish, if you need a bit of help and are blessed with one people look at you like you have horns if you should dare to mention having any more.  We are meant to be "grateful".  Sadly none of these words do justice to just how blessed we all feel to have had children but surely we are allowed to want more??  Surely thats "normal" for us too??  Its really tough when you and your DH are not in the same place on this - i know how you feel - nature intended us to be Mothers and we can't fight that instinct so men don't understand.

I was in a bad place like you are right now when i got my BFN last month.  I'm still raw but each day gets a bit easier.  I don't know for sure if we will try again, finances (sadly) will dictate. My advice, for what its worth,  would be to wait a month or 2 and let yourself heal a bit.  Then try to explain to your DH how you feel.  If you really in your heart feel you will always regret it if you don't try again then i think you must go with your heart.  Reality for all of us is that we need to realise that one day we will need to give up and consentrate on what we have and that is sooooooooo hard.  

I have just spent the morning with a group of friends and my sister who is 4 months preggie with #2.  My Son asked me why he wasn't getting a new baby soon like his cousin was.  I really struggled to hold back the tears   

I really feel for you hunny and one thing i have realised lately, you must never feel in anyway guilty for wanting more babies   

Sharon


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## Agathe

Hi Shazzy,

You explained perfectly everything I have been feeling.
Have you thought about what you want to do next ?
Is your husband supporting you or does he want you to give up ?
Take care,

Agathe.


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## shazzy

Hi Agathe

Funnily enough i woke up thinking about it this morning.  I think i will have one last go (financies permitting) but change clinics.  This was something i had thought about doing before this cycle but thought i may "jinx" things if i jumped ship from the clinic that gave me DS!!??  I am going to book a consultation with the other clinic and see if they can come up with any answers  as to why i'm getting good embies but they are not implanting  

My husband would be happy either way.  I know he would LOVE more kids but i also think he struggles so much with the whole ICSI thing and is so grateful to have DS that he would be fine if i stopped now.  He doens't give me much support throughout the ICSI journey because he obviously has his own issues in his head but i find this really difficult and he never comes to appointments with me.  I am conviced the clinic think i am a single parent!

My Sister goes for her 18 week scan this afternoon - i am trying sooooo hard to act the way i should be towards her but i am very aware that i am avoiding talking about it and change the subject when she brings up the baby which is soooo wrong of me    

Where are you with things just now?

Sharon
x


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## annacameron

Sharon,    

maybe explain to your sister?  she will be feeling weirdly guilty and sensitive I imagine...

think of it this way - it's lovely for your DS to have more cousins - the next best thing to more siblings surely? they will all be very close if you enocurage it. xxx


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