# Emotions—ivf sucks



## Minibug (Jun 20, 2021)

Heya, 
Failed 1st round of ivf, thought I was coping pretty well. It’s been a tough week , as my dad has been unwell as well. So I’m seeing a counsellor for emotional support and during the session this week (day after found out ivf failed) she offered a name of another counsellor whom she thought would be better than her re fertility. I’m with her a year. I asked her why this person and she said that she’s around a long time and v experienced but wasn’t any an expert in fertility area. I kind of had to laugh as it was pretty obvious she was doing her best to ‘dump’ me. I’ve noticed she hasn’t been as attentive in Prev sessions. warning signs there.. At least recommend someone that you know is skilled in the area. 
So I’ve noticed my mood is dropping further as days go on, just sad and angry internally. I think my therapists timing sucked in fairness . Then last night people were putting up photos of their nights out on what’s app & I thought wow I wish I could do that (which I could) but don’t feel like it . Even my other half was out, and I felt bitter towards him going out enjoyinghimself (which I know sounds ridiculous)
Has anyone felt antisocial since starting ivf? I just feel like I’m in a ivf bubble and taking each day as it comes. I feel lost and sad over it as folk don’t get it unless they are in it & find it hard talking to people about silly things. Is that just me? I will find a new therapist after my little rant above!!!
Hoping this passes which I think it will. 
Anyone else!?


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

I am sorry you are going through this. I can't help with personal experiences as to emotional ups and downs, as I had a really supportive doc and coordinator who helped me much. I also recommend you visiting Emotional Support • Q&A • FertiAlly.com with awesome tips from fertility coaches you might find helpful in your situation. Hope this helps. Sending positive vibes.


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## Minibug (Jun 20, 2021)

miamiamo said:


> I am sorry you are going through this. I can't help with personal experiences as to emotional ups and downs, as I had a really supportive doc and coordinator who helped me much. I also recommend you visiting Emotional Support • Q&A • FertiAlly.com with awesome tips from fertility coaches you might find helpful in your situation. Hope this helps. Sending positive vibes.


Thanks so much! I’ll be ok in due course! I’ll have a look x


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## Rio2016 (Aug 24, 2016)

Sending lots of love. IVF is so tough - I found it very hard when my first round didn’t work too xxx


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## Minibug (Jun 20, 2021)

Rio2016 said:


> Sending lots of love. IVF is so tough - I found it very hard when my first round didn’t work too xxx


Thanks x x


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## PDream1980 (Oct 21, 2021)

I’m finding it all very hard if I’m
Honest . Some days I feel like I’m managing and think what will be will be to really low on other days . I’ve found going through the steps so far and I haven’t started treatment yet as I have such low odds of success that I am still dealing with the reality of my fertility or lack of . 

Getting dumped by a counseller , well that was great timing ! Some counsellers can cause more damage hence some people are not advocates of them . It’s a little bit of a lottery , good ones will help and bad ones will make things worse , it’s like anyone , some people are good at their jobs and some aren’t . 

You are really now alone . I don’t know if I have the strength to keep going in this but the other side is then accepting being childless and I can’t seem to accept either position so I just plod along day after day getting on with the IVF steps . I have been trying naturally too and thought maybe this month I was pregnant as I had a lot of symptoms what I don’t usually have but then I got my period yesterday and then feel daft for even hoping . I don’t even feel myself and wish I could just rewind when this wasn’t happening . My biological clock is probably nearly over and spending cash on ivf with such low odds instead of healing and going on some fab holidays etc . The hardest thing is I’ve always always wanted kids and just thought it would happen and I can’t get my head around it hasnt x sorry for ranting , felt a bit better writing it x


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## PDream1980 (Oct 21, 2021)

Philippas dream said:


> I’m finding it all very hard if I’m
> Honest . Some days I feel like I’m managing and think what will be will be to really low on other days . I’ve found going through the steps so far and I haven’t started treatment yet as I have such low odds of success that I am still dealing with the reality of my fertility or lack of .
> 
> Getting dumped by a counseller , well that was great timing ! Some counsellers can cause more damage hence some people are not advocates of them . It’s a little bit of a lottery , good ones will help and bad ones will make things worse , it’s like anyone , some people are good at their jobs and some aren’t .
> ...



So sorry I meant to say you really are NOT alone .


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## Selby88 (Mar 24, 2014)

I completely empathise and had very similar emotions myself after IVF. A lot of anger and the feeling that it was the one thing in life I had no control over. (I don’t do lack of control very well!! Lol) But one good thing, I think It sounds like you are coping better than you think. You seem to have some humour and are focused on your own path which you should be at this time. I hope a new counsellor will be better for you and you’ll look back and be glad about it. One thing my counselling taught me was to take things step by step. Take time out for little things you enjoy and look after yourself. Take care and lots of virtual hugs xxx


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## Elegantly_Jaded (12 mo ago)

PDream1980 said:


> I’m finding it all very hard if I’m
> Honest . Some days I feel like I’m managing and think what will be will be to really low on other days . I’ve found going through the steps so far and I haven’t started treatment yet as I have such low odds of success that I am still dealing with the reality of my fertility or lack of .
> 
> Getting dumped by a counseller , well that was great timing ! Some counsellers can cause more damage hence some people are not advocates of them . It’s a little bit of a lottery , good ones will help and bad ones will make things worse , it’s like anyone , some people are good at their jobs and some aren’t .
> ...


How are you getting on? I'm almost 45, partner is very keen for us to try NM at Create with egg donation as a second option. I've got 2 adult children, he has none, but everything you are saying resonates 😊


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## Beehappy221 (5 mo ago)

Sorry to hear you are struggling. IVF is the hardest thing I have ever had to do emotionally. It is a draining mix of emotions and I don't know about you but I feel lonely most of the time going through it. I even feel distance between my husband and I as I start feeling that he doesn't understand what I'm going through. My first round of ivf failed also and I am about to start my second. I was so angry at myself last time for being positive and having that hope but this time I feel quite negative about it all as I ended up poorly last time too. It's hard to be positive when you have felt so much disappointment in your own journey. Anyway, I am ranting now but just wanted to say you are not alone in those overwhelming feelings you are having. Sending you love 💙


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## BabyWanted! (Sep 6, 2019)

Minibug said:


> Heya,
> Failed 1st round of ivf, thought I was coping pretty well. It’s been a tough week , as my dad has been unwell as well. So I’m seeing a counsellor for emotional support and during the session this week (day after found out ivf failed) she offered a name of another counsellor whom she thought would be better than her re fertility. I’m with her a year. I asked her why this person and she said that she’s around a long time and v experienced but wasn’t any an expert in fertility area. I kind of had to laugh as it was pretty obvious she was doing her best to ‘dump’ me. I’ve noticed she hasn’t been as attentive in Prev sessions. warning signs there.. At least recommend someone that you know is skilled in the area.
> So I’ve noticed my mood is dropping further as days go on, just sad and angry internally. I think my therapists timing sucked in fairness . Then last night people were putting up photos of their nights out on what’s app & I thought wow I wish I could do that (which I could) but don’t feel like it . Even my other half was out, and I felt bitter towards him going out enjoyinghimself (which I know sounds ridiculous)
> Has anyone felt antisocial since starting ivf? I just feel like I’m in a ivf bubble and taking each day as it comes. I feel lost and sad over it as folk don’t get it unless they are in it & find it hard talking to people about silly things. Is that just me? I will find a new therapist after my little rant above!!!
> ...


Sorry to hear about this. I hope you find the new therapist that was recommended a better fit for your situation. IVF really is very challenging, with all the waiting, the hoping and the disappointments that come with it. Hang on there and virtual hugs to you!


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## minamina (7 mo ago)

same here.. but I can't imagine being passed on from my therapist who I've come to trust. Plus, it takes a lot of work to have to reshare everything again to someone new.. any idea why they would want to 'dump' you.. the only thing i would think of is maybe this hits too close to home?


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