# New, 35+, high BMI (ie no IVF), SA poor, no other diagnosis



## corsetgirl (Mar 30, 2010)

hello

Erm I'm new to posting on here although I've used the site as reference for some years now.  

So I'm 35, DH is 40. we have TTC for nearly 4 years now without a single BFP....

background info for anyone with time to spare  .........  

Had tests on NHS, they were frankly worse than useless (Royal Surrey, guildford) as every appt we had they had lost the notes from the previous appt and/or changed their mind on the issue at hand, we never saw the same doctor twice and never had the same information twice.
One minute my bloods were fine next they were borderline concerning (although no explanation for the concern). 
One minute DH SA was low but ok, next it was useless.

My BMI is over 30 so that was our only constant and that got the blame at every appt. So I threw myself into exercise...2 aerobics sessions per week, 1-2 military fit sessions per week, 1 personal training session per week (for 6 months anyway as he was expensive).  Xenical, reductil...ran two 5ks...one normal, one cross country military one....and I lost a stone...yep 14lb...everyone around me was concerned for me as I was barely eating and just exercising so that I was exhausted and in pain most of the time.

At my last appt with Royal Surrey on Xmas eve the consultant had no notes at all but took one look at me and told me it was my weight.  When I tried explaining that I was exercising 5-7 sessions per week he cut me off and told me that exercise was no use I needed to simply eat less (despite the fact that on reductil I was now down to one small meal per day).  He really was dismissive of me and tore into me even when I tried to explain all the work I had been doing...I left in floods of tears swearing never to go back (dont you love also how they put the fertility clinics in where the ante natal clinics are, so you are surrounded by pregnant people moaning about how awful it is being pregnant)

Then I broke my arm just after Xmas and put back on 11lb.  I was in plaster for 8 weeks and I have only just got back to doing the exercise classes...not sure I can put myself through the military fit sessions yet.

I've looked into going private but even they want a BMI of 30 or less, also our closest clinic has the 'evil' consultant who tore me to pieces on Xmas eve.

I had a dye thing which showed tubes ok, and an ultrasound.  other than that its just been blood tests.
Husbands SA showed number fine, but motility and morphology were really poor....not sure how to improve those...hes tried zinc and some other herbal/vitamin tablets to no avail.

Neither of us has any children from before...and now i'm 35...time is running out..i am trying hard to diet strictly and getting back into the exercise...but my hearts not in it after the last year Im worn out. I think its time to accept that some people never have kids, and that we should look on the good side of that...unfortunately it still hurts like mad and has me in tears a lot as I'm trying to convince myself of that...our situation (our weight etc) is self inflicted so we only have ourselves to blame..and I am very good at that

Anyway I've rambled on and if you read the entire lot then thanks and well done  

Best of luck to all you ladies out there trying so hard, I wish you all the best xx


----------



## pollyos (Apr 3, 2010)

Hi corsetgirl, you poor thing, that all sounds horrific!! I don't know how much help I can be cos I am in Ireland BUT I can tell you I know what a useless health system is like. We had similar experiences when we were public in Ireland - evil consultants etc. At 1 appointment he argued with me that I had had 3 miscarriages when I had never even been pregnant. He had another ladies notes!!

Fair play to you for losing all the weight, I also get that a lot from consultants but find it very difficult to lose weight with pcos. i don't listen to them anymore - I am not massively overweight and plenty of fat people have healthy babies. I don't blame u for losing motivation but persevers with tthem all and hopefully it will be worth it


----------



## Mazza1971 (Aug 19, 2009)

Hi Corsetgirl,

Well done on losing the weight! Sorry you have lost you Mojo a little bit     but I think at some point or another we all go through it where infertility is concerned. However, you should be able to eat more than one small meal a day! Have you had your thyroid checked? 

Also, sometimes it is easier if you join a slimming club. I try to stick to the weight watchers points system - however, if you did do this diet or lifestyle change then don't buy their dairy or cake products as they are full of sweeteners (aspartame which has been linked to miscarraige).

Also, you need to find a hopsital you are comfortable at. Obviously some consultants just look at your BMI and write you off. Well, not every larger lady has fertility problems. In fact, I am 2 stone lighter than when I fell pregnant naturally with my daughter and that has not helped me conceive (altough my BMI has not been above 2.

Don't give up. I wish you all the luck in the world and    that one day you are holding your baby in your arms.

Take care.

Mary xx


----------



## Ceri. (Sep 6, 2004)

Corsetgirl and welcome to Fertility Friends 

   It sounds like you've been through the mill already  but you have done amazingly well to have lost all of that weight. You've done it once, I'm sure with your determination you can do it again  but I can understand that you are tired though  You could join our Belly uddies here too. The ladies are so encouraging of each other. If you are interested ... 
ask for access to our weight loss support area:

*Belly Buddies: Weight loss support ~ *CLICK HERE
You can fill out this simple form to ask the Admin team for access to Belly Buddies x http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/component/option,com_contact/task,view/contact_id,1/Itemid,159/

Regarding the way in which you have been treated so far, I would suggest a letter of complaint to the PALS at your local hospital, maybe suggesting weight discrimination  I know most clinics do have criteria stating you have to be within a certain BMI range BUT you have proved that you are actively losing the weight and along with the mix up of notes, it may help nudge them into action. I hope its worth a try 

Please have a good look around the boards, feel free to post in any area, and make yourself at home. Fertility Friends is such a huge support. There are many who are on their TTC journey, and others who have been fortunate to have little ones with assistance. You will soon discover that our members are very encouraging of one another and offering advice or just simple hugs. There's a vast amount of information here for everyone, so start reading, posting and getting to know others. You will make some great friends too (add them to your buddy list in your profile!), lots of members often have meet ups locally too, for chats, coffee, shopping or even nights out! You can share conversations with one another freely, simply because we all understand each other. It's hard when family and friends don't fully comprehend what this journey entails and the emotions that go with it. That's where we come in!

Here are some links which you should find really useful at the moment&#8230;&#8230;

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Peer Support (for asking fertility and treatment related questions of your fellow FFers) ~ * CLICK HERE

*Investigations & Immunology ~ *CLICK HERE

*Complimentary, Holistic and Spiritual Approaches ~ *CLICK HERE 

*Questions for your first cycle consultation ~ (use the ones that apply) *CLICK HERE

*Male factors ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also chat live in our excellent chat room. We have a newbie day in the chat room every Wednesday where you can meet one of our mods for support, meet other new members and get technical support with navigating the site and using all the functions available here.  CLICK HERE FOR INFO ON NEWBIE CHAT 

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area. It's a small world!

Wishing you lots of luck    and 
Keep in touch
Ceri xx

PS I have also sent you a pm (private message)


----------



## kathrika (Mar 24, 2010)

Hi Corset girl.

Very well done on the weight loss. The Bridge Clinic in London accepts high BMI women if you want to look into that. Good luck with getting the lbs off and don' give up!!!


----------



## corsetgirl (Mar 30, 2010)

hello ladies

Thank you so much for the kind words of support, its lovely to speak to people who actually understand what its like!

I didn't complain about the consultant at the royal surrey as he is also a main consultant at the private place in woking and the last thing i wanted to do was make him even more 'anti-me' lol

Really appreciate all your responses, thank you so much

x


----------



## Martha Moo (Jan 30, 2004)

Hi Corsetgirl

welcome to fertility friends

I am sorry that you have met such a negative view from your consultant

Is it worth looking for a 2nd opinion, i met with similar,  always the weight, exercised and ate next to nothing and didnt lose weight easily but i did have pcos 

I went for a 2nd opionon (over 100 miles away) they were much more positive and i found their positivity helped me become more motivated

My BMI when i changed clinics was 35 and i reduced it under 6 months to 28, that said by time i went to clinic it was 31, i had an nhs cycle with them and it worked, next cycle my bmi was 34.8 and i got another BFP but it sadly didnt work out, i was expecting to be met with the dissaproving weight issue but apparently it was my eggs

stay positive, hard i know but you find lots of support upon this site, do check out Ceri's links am  sure they will give lots of useful information and gain you  some support from ladies in a similar situation

Em


----------

