# What is wrong with him???



## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Hi girls, i mentionned to my dh last night that the gp recommended that i go on clomid for 6 months(didnt even get to the bit that she had to check with fertility specialist on the phone as i didnt want to go back to fertility clinic) and he really didnt support me!! 

I am so annoyed at him- it took us years to actually go and do iui- we compromised as he didnt want to do ivf. I thought it would work and that would mean we didnt have to do ivf BUT IT DIDNT.I was devastated when that failed as i knew i had said i wouldnt pursue treatment if he agreed to iui. I took time off work May/ june last year and i was fine up until Christmas and very down since.

I got tests done for miscarriage 2 weeks ago but that was when gp asked why i had never been on clomid.She recommends it. i feel it is my last chance since he wont go for ivf and at least i will know that i have tried everything possible to get pg.

Why doesnt he support me and why doesnt he understand? His usual response is " Maybe if we had had more sex over the years we would have got pg"!!! I think 6 yrs has been ample time to try. Also has been hard with stepdaughter next door (especially in last 3 yrs when she knows about the birds and bees).

It was the correct time of the month this week but i was so annoyed i went to bed with glass of wine and watched "Desperate housewives". I am beginning to think he doesnt really want another child- - think he really did at the start but is fed up with all the grief involved.He has joined the golf club which he loves and i know will be out all the time when good weather comes. It is as if he has moved on and found other things to do.He is 45 and i think thinks he is too old to go thru it all again(sdaughter 15 nearly).If we dont get pg normally he doesnt want to do anything else.I have loyally brought up his daughter since age 5 even with her nutcase mother living not far away, going abroad and abandoning her child again and then coming back.I deal with her teenage tantrums and still have to take all this crap too from him.
What should i do.


----------



## lucysmith (Oct 12, 2004)

It's weird, but men don't seem to be as bothered by all this as we do. I think it's down to biology. I would take the clomid, try not to go on about it to him and just keep your fingers crossed. Even people who are not having problems with fertility have trouble with their men. My next door neighbour's bloke was bored with hearing about her wanting a baby and sex on demand etc., so she just shut up about it, did ovulation tests and got pregnant without talking to him much about it. They both wanted a baby but he was less keen, so she just took matters into her own hands. That's one way of doing it.


----------



## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Hi Lucy, thanx for the reply.I just dont know why he feels the way he does. I know he is a private person but it is beyond a joke.he seems to forget that i have done so much over the years for his daughter (didnt mind up until the last year) but why will he not just say" yes, try it and see" without making me feel obcessive and mad!!! I am not asking him to go back to any doctors or clinics but why should i not especially as i have now found that there is a problem with ovulation.


----------



## nicolah (Sep 14, 2004)

Hi there,

I'm so sorry that you didn't get the support you wanted from DH, but I agree with Lucy. Tell him that you are going to try it, but also tell him not to worry as you won't get all obsessive about it (-even if you don't mean it!!) Then take it and see what happens. I would also try not only initiating BMS at the right time, but at other times as well, then he won't feel under pressure to "perform" only at the right time. I think at sometimes - rightly or wrongly - we have to bear most of the burden of this. Even though most of the pressure is on us, we still have to take us much of the pressure off them as well. And they call us the weaker sex!!

I have also asked my DH to pick up some blood test forms this week and an SA form for him that GP has left at reception for us. This is because he finishes work earlier than me, and this week I've had to work late. But has he done it??- Of course not!! So I am going to go after work tonight and do it. Men!! The problem is not that he doesn't want to do it, but unlike me - it's not the first thing on his mind. Another problem is going to be getting him to do his SA, because they only do them Tuesday mornings, and he is always at work, and cos he is a lorry driver, he can't just pop out for an hour!! But i will just tell him he needs to do it and let him sort out the when and how, because if i start arranging things he will get stressed out about it all. It makes you laugh as they are like kids sometimes, at least they get some pleasure out of their tests - not like us!!

I wish I could be of more help, and I suppose our advice is not strictly PC (couples should share everything blah blah...), but it's a means to an end after all!!

Take care
Nicolaxx


----------



## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Thanx, Nicolah.Full of good advice as always!!!  Going for coffee now with friend so will just not even mention it when get home.Men must all be the same.He just wants 2an easy life"!! i think. Unfortunately its not like that for us ff people!!!


----------



## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

hi irisheyes and girls

Hubbies are stange things at times and i wonder if we are all on the same planet. Maybe as both the girls have said that it would be better to keep it quiet and just go ahead with it (the clomid)....sometimes they can deal with things that is taken out of their hands...
I understand that he is a private man and maybe he just finds the whole infertility thing difficult i am not sure they understand all the mechanics of IVF. I am also sure they take it as a personal stance towards themselves. Do you think your hubby maybe under pressure with his daughter and all the things that have surrounded her life. You say that her mother has been difficult over the years, do you think that he is alittle scared
Have you thought maybe just getting away for the weekend and treating yourself to adult and quality time for the both of you...?it seems that you probably need to talk....
take care....
love astridxx


----------

