# MESSAGE FOR ALI



## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali im getting very impatient waiting for period to arrive    
i have got really bad belly ache though so should not be long, how are you lisaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## katielee (Nov 3, 2005)

hi lisa hope you dont mind me butting in i replied to one of your posts a couple of weeks ago about sp and what rights you had to carry on cycle if there wasnt a lot of follies i didnt reply when you responded back been a bit down has i got bfn couple of weeks ago so not been on site that much anyway wanted to wish you look on sp have you started stimms yet katie xx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi katie 
of course i dont mind, im  so sorry for you i can only imagine how hard it is but you willl get there in the end 
i have just finished my pill,well saturday and now just waiting for my period to start then i can get started on stimms once again im sorry katie and hope you feel better soon take care lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa  

I am sorry that you are not feeling great and getting quite impatient.  I feel the same too...we have to be soo patient don't we! Waiting for AF, waiting for treatment, 2ww etc.  

I am fine thanks. I contacted care yesterday to see if I could get an earlier review and managed to get a cancellation for next Tuesday 21st instead of 29th so that's a little sooner.  How longdoes it take for you to get your protocol after the review? I want to get started ASAP.

Lets hope the AF arrives soon.

Take care and I hope to you get started on the stimms soonxx 
Ali xx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali
well came on my period this morn so i can start dr tonight then stimms and steriods tomorrow   ,you said you have got into care tuesday well im there on monday for a scan and hopefully they will start and see some follies growing (touch wood)
when i went for my consultation they explained to me about what protocol i would be on then they said i could start on my next period so i only had to wait two weeks before i started,so hopefully it will be quick for you as well ali   ,feeling tired and got really bad belly ache as well thinking about all the drugs i suppose  ,well hows work and how are you feeling,it will only take me around 9 days from now to see if has worked so its really quick this protocol just not going to get stressed out this time and take each day as it comes,love lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali just had a phone call from care this afternoon telling me my hiv test had run out so had my hubbys tried to get into docs cos its free there but couldnt get in typical     
so its cost us £140, great just for a blood test,sometimes they know how to make there money dont they lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa 
It's great news that you came on your period today so you can get started again. I bet you are excited and nervous, but like you say try and take each day as it comes!  

I hope that I can start as quick as you mentioned. I suppose they might have to induce a period as I don't have them naturally. They will probably give me provera to make me have one. I am excited and scared as it will be our first IVF attempt but trying to stay  .

I cannot believe that you had to pay another £140 for the tests . That is crazy but I suppose if you get a BFP, you won't mind how much it cost!  How do you feel about the idea of twins.  Tanya was teasing me today about the possibility! I would be happy but I think I would prefer one at a time. Work is ok but I cannot really get focused on it at the moment.  

I have absolutely everything crossed for you and lets hope it is 3rd time lucky  

Take care Lisa
Love Ali xx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali
well i will keep in touch regarding how im getting on i have my first scan on monday and hopefully they will see some follies growing,yes tanya has often teased me about twins i would prefer only one but i suppose with ivf thats the risk multiple births,so you will have to let me know how you get on tues and make sure if you are not sure of anything or you dont understand to tell them last time when i went i came out a bit confused and ended up ringing them up the next day to explain it better to me
i bet they thought "weve got a right thicko here"lol     
so keep well ali and keep your chin up
tanya is taking me to care mon and were are going to have a breakfast there they are lovely if you get the chance go and sample there food SCRUMMY,and belive it or not CHEAP, YES THATS RIGHT I SAID CHEAP,LOL,
anyway going to watch that prog on itv,something to do with ivf starts at 9pm,i will let you know how i get on monday at scan speak then ali take care lisa xxxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali so you have read my reply well looks better for me this time up to yet,trying not to get to eggcited yet, but cant help it still know i have a long way to go yet though, Tanya came with me she is such a good friend gives me lots of support and we had a fried breakfast as well (yummy scrummy),so back wed with my hubby to see if grown any more 
well good luck tomorrow with George i have seen him before hes quite nice i would write all your questions down and take your little note pad with you i found him a bit hard to understand,but im not the quickest person anyway LOL,      
BUT YOU WILL BE FINE ALIXXX
hopefully it wont be long till you can start again soon well you will find all this out tommorow well good luck and take care and if you dont mid let me know how you both get on all the luck lisaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa

I'm pleased that things are going a lot better for you this time.  Have you had many side effects from the drugs.

Our appointment went really well yesterday. George was lovely and explained things really well. WE will be starting on long protocol and I have got to wait for a period to arrive before we can start. If one starts in next few days, we will then have to wait another four weeks as we won't get the protocol and drugs in time.  So I am hoping period stays away for a week or two! .  I imagine we will start at the end of April so I now have to be patient again, which is not easy. What is Busrelin like?

Take care and keep me posted (if that's ok)
Ali xxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali that is good news it doesnt take long for your drugs to arrive as soon as you get your protocol through,and send payment they can be with you within 24 hrs so i suppose if your period stops away you might get them in time and be able to start sooner,buserlin well     
for me i get a grinding headache from when i start taking them say about 4 days after,its not painfull but its always there if you know what i mean,but everyone responds different sometimes get emotional,i was watching the games last nite and michelle gayle came last at swimming she had only learnt to swim a little while ago, came last though and fiinished i started crying       lol and things like that dont really bother me so prob putting that down to all the drugs, well im back fri for yet another scan and blood test to see how they are growing so i will let you know then ali how im doing ,did they say you would be on menopur,and have they got to give you something to start you with a period? hope you can start soon at least you know where you stand now,and hopefully you be able to get started real soon lisaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa 
Good luck for your scan again tomorrow . I hope those four are growing nicely (and remember you only need one, but four gives four times the chance!


I have to take Gonal F on the long protocol and he said the dose would be 150 (2amps I think) and then 75 (1 amp) on alternating days. He said he has to be careful as women with PCOS tend to over stimulate and this can be bad and they have to abandon/freeze due to risks.  

So I'm hoping the protocol gets to us in the next week or so and then my period arrive so that we can get started again.  Time seems to go so slowly doesn't it when you are constantly waiting for a date to start.  I am off work now until next Friday so I can relax a bit in between decorating.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow
Take care
Love Ali xxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali well been back today and have got 5 follies all more or less the same size so really pleased,  another day for me not to worry,prob be back sun for another scan and bloodtest but apart from that everything going well up to now and at least i have gone further than the last 2 attempts just had to pay for all my treatment today doesnt come cheap does it im afraid but worth it in the end. 
Hope everything time wise falls for you ok it will be nice for you to start soon i bet your really excited about it all is your hubby excited to mine is,prob more so because we have never got this far before anyway,and i will tell you on sunday how i get on again  happy decorating anyway i will get going now and i will speak to you sun and let you know how i get on take care ali speak soon love lisaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa 

I hope that everything went ok again for you today  .  Have they told you when you might be ready for EC?  I bet you are so anxious to get over this next hurdle, but I'm sure you have the strength to do it!

AF hasn't arrived yet which is good as I want to receive my protocol and drugs before it arrives so we can get started.  As for the payment, we will have to use the patient Medi-fi finance as it is so very expensive to keep doing it month after month.  You can't really put a price on a baby and it's not like splashing out on a new car is it!

We are off out with my  mum and family for mother's day. I hope I can get through the day with lots of kids and new mums around me at the restaurant.  Maybe next mother's day will be my turn (please, please let it be)

Anyway take care and lots of love
Ali x


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali 
went back today for scan and ave got def 3 all the same size gettting big now,another one a bit bigger,and 3 a bit smaller,so they said they might go for the 3 follies in less others catch up.to be honest feel blessed to get 3 so im happy       ,my blood tests have come back good they are rising all the time so that is good as well
well im back again in morn i have never been so drained to have another scan they said i will have to go back every day untill ec to keep a eye on my follies so better to be safe than sorry 
hope you had a good day out with your family ,we went for something to eat as well it was nice tired now though so off to bed in a mo  good to see that your af has not arrived yet so you could start soon that would be nice to get the ball rolling quickly for you both
anyway off to bed so i will write to you tom,and let you know how i have got on take care lisaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali 
been back today and have 5 follies ranging from 15mm to 17mm so they are happy enough       hopefully last day tommorow but you never know do you,waiting for my blood results get them this afternoon but thay have been good up to yet rising nicely,so im back at 8 in the morning hopfully for a final scan
How are you feeling then ali,hope af is still hiding away    have you sent off for your drugs yet,so fingers crossed for you,you might be able to go ahead on this cycle      
are you feeling nervous about starting,i have been quite calm surprising really to say all the stressi have had with having to cancell twice before,but this time it seems to have run alot smoother,anyway not hoping to much yet still going to take one step at a time and get ready for the next hurdle lisaxxxxxxxxxx


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa  

I'm so pleased that you got the results you were hoping for today, that's brilliant news.  Like you say each day is  ahurdle but you are doing so well that you have to be pleased  when things go smoothly. We definitely spend too long worrying so it's good when things go well .  So you may go for egg collection on Wednesday/Thursday!  Keep having those positive vibes and take things as easy as possible. I hope your hubby/partner is looking after you!

Af hasn't arrived yet (it's day 28 but my periods are so irregular). I haven't got my protocol from Care yet so  if I get that next week and period hasn't arrived I will take Provera which will bring on a period and we can get started on the Buserelin for 21 days.  I am excited but nervous as, like you, know the agony of having a cancelled cycle. My first insemination was cancelled on day 11 and I was so gutted to not even make it to the 2ww. 

Anyway, I hope that they grow a tiny bit bigger tomorrow and that you are ready for egg collection.  ARe you having general anaesthetic or just pain relief?  It's confusing isn't it.

Go and put your feet up and look after those follies.

Ali xx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali just asked for pain relief i think i will be ok been through worse,plus i think i need to see what going on and what they are saying throughout it all probably tottally wrong descision but never mind 
has care said they will get the protocol to you for next week,can't they send it to you this week or does it take longer
when i was on buserlin the 21 days goes really quick so it will go fast for you hopefully, anyway ali hope you are having a nice time of work and is your hubby doing plenty of diy jobs, i will catch up with you tommorow some time and let you know how i get on in the morning speak soon ali 
take care lisaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali 
well ec on thurs yipeeeeeeeeeeeeee     
a bit nervous but still taking everything day by day just hope i can get eggies out of most of them and hopefully a few fertilise     
trying not to worry yet though been quite calm up to yet 
hows you has af kept away yet.     
did you ask care if they can send your protocol to you quicker?
lisaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa

I'm so pleased that you have made it to EC    and with 5 follicles. I will be thinking of you tomorrow. What time do you have to go and how long do you spend at Care?  

Sorry I didn't respond yesterday..bit of a nightmare day. My dh hurt his back at work and we spent hours at casualty. I am having to do everything fo rhime, even dress him and bath him .  He is in agony and so it's been quite tiring.

Anyway, AF has not arrived yet and I will probably ring Care on Friday if I haven't had my protocol by then. I have a good feeling that AF won't show its head just yet anyway.

Take care and lots of good luck for tomorrow and now its time for your partner to play his vital part 

Lots of love 
Ali xxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali      
got to be there in morn for 8am,really nervous now hope i can get a few eggies out of the follies,prob be at care till afternoon you have to stop in for a couple of hours after so they can keep a eye on you for a bit.
hope ur hubby feels better soon theres nothing like a bad back   
my stomach has swollen a bit and feels heavy and im still tired but apart from that fine 
keep wishing af away      ,
will speak to you sometime in afternoon and i will let you know how we both get on lisaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI
WELL ONE MADE IT,AS YOU KNOW I ONLY HAD 2 EGGS AND WHEN I SOPKE TO THE NURSE THIS MORNING,ONE OF THOSE EGGS WASNT MATURE, SO FEEL SO BLESSED THAT I HAVE ONE,I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO WORRIED AND DRAINED IN ALL MY LIFE IT WAS LIKE WAITING TO BE HUNG,THAT WAS THE LONGEST 24 HRS OF MY LIFE    
SO TOUCH WOOD GOING BACK TOMMOROW AT 10.30 TO HAVE MY LITTLE EMBIE PUT BACK IN AND THEN TAKE IT DAY BY DAY
HOWS YOUR HUBBYS BACK,AND HOW ARE YOU 
LISAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI
WELL THIS HAS BEEN ONE HELL OF A WEEK FOR US
AS YOU KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED, CANT GET MY HEAD ROUND THIS AT ALL REALLY BUT SLOWLY COMMING TO TERMS WITH IT,I HAVE GONE THROUGH EVERY STAGE OF IVF IN SO MUCH DETAIL ITS BEEN SO EMOTIONAL WE REALLY THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE THE CYCLE WHERE WE WOULD GET TO EMBIE TRANSFER BUT HOW WRONG COULD WE HAVE BEEN BUT THATS IVF I SUPPOSE   
IM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP ALI I WILL GET THERE IN THE END,ITS JUST A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO I THOUGHT I CANT GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN IT HAS BEEN SO HARD AND THE HURT AND AGONY WE HAVE FELT HAS BEEN UNBELIVABLE 
BUT I HAVE TO STAY STRONG AND KEEP GOING.
HOW ARE YOU ALI HAVE YOU HEARD FROM CARE YET ABOUT YOUR PROTOCOL
HOPE SO  
HAS YOU AF KEPT AWAY YET
AND THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND YOUR MESSAGES TAKE CARE SPEAK TOMMOROW LISAXXXXXXXXXX


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

OH AND ALI GETTING PREPARED TO HAVE A GO AT ROUND FOUR


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa

It sure has been a tough time for you both this week..one minute up and the next down.  Nothing can really prepare you for the way you feel going through the highs and lows.  Have you guys had any counselling through the Park as they offer it free of charge when going through a cycle?  I know it's not everyone's cup of tea. I go to see a counsellor once every two to three weeks when going through a cycle and find it really helpful to speak to someone about the way I feel. Friends are supportive but they don't always say the right things do they? ...especially if they have never experienced difficulties ttc.

I hope that the little 2 cell embie manages to divide again but I imagine you just want to know now as every minute will probably seem like an hour.

My af still hasn't arrived..but neither has my protocol. I rang up on Friday and she said it can take up to 4 weeks to get it through. She will try and get it to me ASAP. I have a feeling it is on it's way as I am feleing very hormonal at the moment  . I am quite scared about starting treatment again as it takes over your life when you go through it and it can be heartbreaking as you know.....but then this is the only way we can reach our dream and so it will be worth it in the end  .

Take care Lisa
Ali xxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI
NOT REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT COUNSELLING REALLY,PROB COULD OF DONE WITH IT THIS WEEK THOUGH,
I HAVE MY LITTLE GIRL CHARLOTTE TO THINK OF AS WELL, BELIVE IT OR NOT SHE HAS BEEN A TOWER OF STRENGHT TO US,AND I HAVE SAID TO HER AT LEAST WE HAVE YOU THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN OUR LIVES,SHE HAS ALSO CRIED AND SHE HAS GAVE ME LOTS OF CUDDLES AND KISSESS,BECAUSE BLESS HER SHE SORT OF GOES THROUGH THE PAIN AS WELL WHEN SHE SEES US SO UPSET ITS SO HARD SOMETIMES     
I KNOW ITS THE END NOW,SICK AND TIRED OF HOPING REALLY WITH THIS CYCLE,GOING TO GET MYSELF SORTED AND LOOK TO STARTING AGAIN SOON
HOW CAN SOMETHING GO SO GOOD AT THE BEGINING AND THEN TURN SO VERY BAD
I JUST SO HOPED AND PRAYED I WOULD GET TO ET WITH THIS CYCLE BUT THTS LIFE I SUPPOSE A CRUEL ONE AT THAT 
YOU NEVER KNOW YOU MIGHT GET YOUR PROTOCOL IN TIME  
SPEAK LATER ALI TAKE CARELISAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa
Just posted on your other thread too!  Your little girl sounds lovely and I'm sure she will help you get through this difficult time.  

Each time I start a cycle I tell myself that I won't hope too  much but when each stage goes so well, we cannot help but get ahead of ourselves and dare to hope and dream that this is the one.  We will both crack it I'm sure we just have to keep believing until told otherwise I suppose.  

Well I feel like the period is on it's way (very irritable, sore (.) (.) and pains so I'm just wishing it away and watching the post every morning).

Take care Lisa 
Love Ali xxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

ALI
MY CONSULTANT RANG ME UP TODAY AND HE SAID IM SO SORRY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH BUT ITS THE END OF THE ROAD, REALLY WERE FIGHTING AGAINST A BRICK WALL REALLY,IM HEARTBROKEN ALI, I WILL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER CHILD,I DONT WANT TO HAVE EGG DONATION,THE CONSULTANT SAID THAT WAS MY ONLY OPTION NOW,EVERYTHING WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH IS FOR NOTHING IM SO ANGRY AND HURT,I JUST KEEP THINKING ABOUT MY HUSBAND THAT IS ALL HE REALLY DOES WANT CHILDREN,AND I NOW CANT DO THAT I FEEL USELESS,I KNOW HE WILL SAY IT DOESNT MATTER,BUT IT DOES IT MATTERS TO ME HOW AM I GOING TO GET OVER THIS.LISA


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hello Lisa

My heart goes out to you sweetheart. YOu must feel like you have been to hell and back this past few weeks!  I know that you say you don't want to consider egg donation and for a while I thought that I wouldn't want to but I think I may consider if I have to (but we are all different aren't we and it isn't for everyone).  For me, I think that the baby would still be growing inside me and I would be nurturing it.  Legally I would be mum and I think Iwould deserve the title after carrying it for 9 months.  

There are lots of issues though around it , e.g. will I bond with the baby? will he/she want to track down the egg donor etc, etc. My brother and sister are both adopted and they don't see my mum as anything but 'mum' It takes a special person to become a mum, and you definitely don't deserve the title for donating an egg.

I really don't meant to preach and maybe you shouldn't set yourself a deadline by which you have to decide one way or another. Give yourselves time, you never know how your views may change.  

TAke care Lisa and I hope you don't think I have spoken out of turn
Love Ali    xxxxxxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

NO ALI YOU HAVENT SPOKE OUT OF LINE AT ALL, ITS THAT EGG DONATION IS NOT FOR ME, ME AND MICKY HAVE BOTH THOUGHT THIS THROUGH LONG AND HARD AND WE BOTH AGREE THAT IT'S NOT RIGHT FOR US
ITS SO HARD HAVING TO COME TO TERMS WITH THIS DONT THINK I WILL EVER GET OVER THIS AT ALL IM A COMPLETE MESS 
SOMETHING I HAVE YEARNED FOR SO LONG HAS BEEN TOOK AWAY AND I CANT HANDLE IT AT THE MOMENT
IM SORRY IF I AM UPSETTING YOU, I KNOW YOU HAVE YOUR OWN DIFFICULTIES TO COPE WITH AND I WISH YOU ALL THE LUCK AND HOPE THAT IT WORKS FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND, GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR IST IVF CYCLE AND HOPE YOUR DREAM COMES TRUE ALI ALL THE BEST LISAXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa

Don't you worry about me. I am upset for you and it has made me realise how much of a lottery the whole IVF process is. At one stage I thought that IVF was guaranteed to work at some point. ...but in this game there are no guarantees..which is the hardest part.

I hope that as each day comes and goes for you the pain eases. Do you have anything planned to keep you occupied, holiday etc?  I know it's not that easy to come to terms with so don't beat yourself up for feeling low.  

Still no af for me and no protocol. It just makes me angry how my life feels on hold through this whole processs.

Take care Lisa.

Love Ali xxxxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI
WELL ME AND MICKY HAD A GOOD HEART TO HEART AND WE ARE NOT PREPARED TO GIVE UP JUST YET,I CANT AFTER ALL I HAVE BEEN THROUGH IN THE LAST 10 YRS I WILL KEEP ON FIGHTING
IWE HAVE SPOKE ABOUT EGG DONATION TO BE HONEST COULDNT REALLY THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE,  BUT NOW WELL YOU NEVER KNOW AT THE END OF THE DAY WE BOTH WANT A CHILD SO IF THAT WHAT IT TAKES THEN SO BE IT
GOING BACK TO SEE MY CONSULTANT ON THE 24TH OF MAY SO I WILL DISSCUSS MY OPTIONS THEN 
YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT IVF I LOOKED INTO IT WITH MY EYES SHUT REALLY
MY HUBBY MICKY COUSIN HAD ICSI A YEAR AGO EVERYTHING WENT REALLY SMOOTHLY FOR HER SHE GOT 12 EGGS 10 FERTILISED AND HAD THE REST OF THE EMBRYOS FROZEN THEY ARE A LOVELY COUPLE AND NOW HAVE A LOVELY LITTLE GIRL CALLED STARLAH,SO I JUST THOUGHT HOW EASY IT WOULD BE,HOW VERY WRONG I WAS 
I THOUGHT CARE WOULD HAVE SENT YOUR PROTOCOL BY NOW BUT YOU SAY NO AF SO THATS GOOD ISNT IT
ITS SUCH A WAITING GAME ISNT IT        
I AM FEELING MUCH BETTER TODAY A BIT MORE ++++++ AGAIN LIKE I SAY IM NOT GIVING UP ON MY DREAM I HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH JUST TO CALL IT A DAY 
HOW ARE YOU FEELING ARE YOU EXITED ABOUT STARTING I BET YOU ARE GETTING IMPATIENT I WOULD BE I THINK
  LISAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa  

I am pleased that you are feeling a little better and have had chance to think things through with Mickey. You are so strong to have found the courage again to keep going, I really admire that!!!! YOu can be my inspiration. I hope that your appointment on the 24 May gives you the chance to explore your options.

Still no protocol or period yet which is a little annoying. I hope to get the protocol in the next day or so and then will start downregging in the next week or two.  Yes, I am a mixture of emotions: excited, hopeful, nervous, tired and lots more.  

Keep strong Lisa. I will keep you posted.

Love Ali xxxxxx


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hello Lisa

How are you? 

Well I've got my drugs at last and have started taking provera to give me a period and then will start down ****** around 20th April. I am so scared to be honest. I thought I was ok about it but I think I've been pretending to myself.  Just like everyone else, I would like to look into a crystal ball to see the outcome. 
I'm trying not to worry too much ...  but it is hard.

Anyway, I hope that you are keeping strong and look forward to hearing from you.

Take care
Ali xxxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI 
HOW ARE YOU KEEPING GOOD I HOPE,   
HAS YOUR PERIOD ARRIVED YET,TRY NOT TO WORRY TOI MUCH YOU WILL BE FINE IM SURE YOU HAVE TO ALWAYS KEEP +++++++ I KNOW ITS HARD BUT YOU HAVE TO WHEN GOING THROUGH IVF
WELL BACK TO PARK ON THE 24TH OF MAY TO LOOK INTO EGG DONATION   
SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT AT LEAST I HAVE THAT CHOICE TO LOOK INTO 
TO BE HONEST DID THINK ABOYT GIVING UP ALL TOGETHER BUT NOT READY FOR THAT YET SO WILL WAIT AND SEE WHAT CONSULTANT SAYS IN MAY
I JUST HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR ROUND 4  
LET ME KNOW HOW YOUR GETTING ON AND IF YOU NEED ANY ADVICE OR TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING I WILL BE HERE FOR YOU TAKE CARE ALI LISAXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa   

It's lovely to hear from you and it sounds like you are feeling more positive about your next steps. 

My period arrived today and I did my first injection of Buserilin at the Park today and have booked in for my day 21 scan on 9 May.  I feel so scared and excited but trying to stay positive  .  I suppose I hope that I make it to the 2 ww but there are just so  many hurdles before that.  

Steve and I are off to Northumberland next week for the week to stay in a cottage by the sea so I think that will take my mind off things for a while I hope.

Thanks for your support Lisa.  I will keep you posted.  

Take care
Ali xxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI 
HOWS THE INJECTIONS GOING ALL WELL I HOPE,HOW ARE YOU FELLING,IM FEELING A BIT HUNGOVER TODAY AS WENT OUT LAST NITE AND HAD A FEW TO MANY,SO HAVING A CHINESE TONIGHT HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO STOMACH MUCH TODAY SPEAK SOON LISA XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa 

I've just got back from Northumberland today after a very relaxing week in a cottage by the sea.  How are you?  I hope the hangover didn't last too long .

I am feeling ok on the injections so far although sometimes get a little nauseas with a headache (but that could be that I have eaten too  much bad food whilst being on holiday especially fish and chips by the sea!!)

So I am now on countdown until the 9th May and my first scan before hopefully starting injections.  It won't be long until your appointment on the 24 May. How are you  feeling about it? 

I will keep you posted. Take care Lisa
Love Ali xxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI LI
GLAD YOU HAD A RELAXING WEEK AWAY AND HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL    
IM DOING FINE MUCH BETTER THANKYOU CANT BELIVE HOW FAST ITS GONE AS WE ARE IN MAY NOW AND WHAT A LOVELY DAY TODAY 
LOOKING FORWARD TO GOING TO SEE SIMON OUR CONSULTANT LOOKING MUCH MORE ++++++ AGAIN 
CATCH UP SOON ALI, SEE YOU SOON WE WILL HAVE TO MEET UP FOR LUNCH ONE AFTERNOON WITH TANYA IT WOULD BE NICE 
HOPE INJECTIONS GOING OK FOR YOU THERE NOT THAT BAD WELL I DIDN,T THINK SO ANYWAY TAKE CARE SEE YOU SOON LISAXXXXXXXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa  

Yes, it's been a lovely day today and I didn't feel like doing much work and being inside the office. In fact me and Tanya skived off early to go shopping  !

I am pleased that you are feeling positive about you  next consultation with Simon.  It won't be long now will it!

My scan is on Tuesday and I am a little nervous to be honest.  The headaches still come and go and I just hope that Iwill be ok to start the stimulation drugs and that my ovaries have shut down as they should.

It's my best friend's wedding tomorrow in Derbyshire so I am looking forward to getting dressed up and having a day to take my mind off of it!  Lets hope the sun keeps shining for her!

Yes, we will have to meet for lunch as Tanya and I are always in 'And Why Not' for lunch when we can. That would be good.

Take care
Love Ali xxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI
SORRY I HAVEN;T ASKED YOU ABOUT YOUR SCAN,HOPE ITS ALL GONE TO PLAN FOR YOU BOTH
ITS BEEN A HORRIBLE WEEK AS YOU KNOW ABOUT TANYA IM DEVESTATED FOR HER ITS SO HARD TO TAKE THIS AWFUL NEWS IN BUT I WILL DO EVERYTHING I CAN TO BE THERE FOR HER WHEN EVER SHE WANTS ME 
TAKE CARE ALI LISA X


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa

Thanks for your message. Yes, I was absolutely gutted when she text me the devastating news.  On a positive side, of all the cancers to have (not that anyone wants cancer) but Hodgkins Lymphoma is one that a HUGE majority (90%) survive.  ....and she is very strong but will of course need lots of support...bless her..she is so brave.  

My scan went well as I appear to have downregulated well and I am on day 3 of stimms. I'm back on Sunday (day 6)and then Tuesday for daily monitoring. I am trying to take every day as it comes but it is hard not to get carried away with what if's...especially when I am trying to guess when I may have to be off for the two week wait (if I get to that stage).  How are you feeling about the 24th May?
Take care Lisa as i know you are close to T**** and it must have been upsetting for you too.
Love Ali xxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

GOOD ALI GLAD EVERYTHING GOING TO PLAN OR YOU    
HOPEFULLY EVERTHING WILL FALL INTO PLACE FOR YOU BOTH, I SO HOPE SO.
YES T IS GOING TO NEED LOTS OF SUPPORT TO WHICH I WILL GIVE IT TO HER THE BEST I CAN,I JUST CAN'T BELIVE IT HOW SOMEONES LIFE CAN CHANGE THAT QUICK,BUT SHE IS A STRONG PERSON AND IM SURE SHE WILL GET THROUGH THIS
WHAT A LOVELY DAY TODAY BUSY WASHING AND IRONING THIS MORNING THOUGH   ,NOT VERY GOOD FORCAST TOMMOROW THOUGH ITS SUPPOSED TO BE RAINING TYPICAL
ANYWAY ALI LET ME KNOW HOW YOU GET ON WITH YOUR FIRST SCAN AND HOPE YOU START TO SEE LOTS OF NICE FOLLIES APPEARING GOOD LUCK TAKE CARE LISAXXXXXXXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa  

T text me to say that the cancer is in it's early stages which is good and no doubt she will need loads of support as she starts chemo.  I told her that we'll all wear bandannas when we go out to lunch so everyone can stare at all of us!

Went back for another scan today and everything is going toplan so far. I have about 13 follicles of 12mm and 30 small so there is a risk, as I thought, of over responding. I saw Adel Shaker who was lovely and he went through the protocol for sedation. Apparently as I have so  many the collection couldbe very painful so have to have anaesthatist present for heavy sedation .

I am trying not to get excited too much on this rollercoaster as I know it can end all too soon.  So taking every day as it comes.

How are you Lisa? Thinking of you as you prepare for your next stage.

Take care
Love Ali xxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

WELL ALI LOOKK AT YOU WITH ALL YOUR FOLLIES THAT IS GREAT NEWS IT SHOULD NOT BE LONG EITHER BEFORE THEY GROW TO AROUND 18MM EITHER I BET YOU ARE SO PLEASED DID THEY SAY OTHERS MIGHT CATCH UP,BUT IF THEY DON,T 13 IS A REALLY GOOD NUMBER ANYWAY
YES ADEL SHAKER IS REALLY NICE WE HAD HIM WHEN WE VERY FIRST STARTED AT PARK 
YES WE ARE BACK SOON TO GO THROUGH ALL MY OPTIONS AGAIN HAVENT REALLY THOUGHT MUCH ABOUT IT TO BE HONEST ITS BEEN NICE TO LIVE A LITTLE AGAIN FOR A WHILE 
I STILL SOMETIMES CANT GET MY HEAD AROUND EGG DONATION,STILL KEEP ,THINKING I WANT ANOTHER GO WITH MY OWN EGGS (PROB CLUTCHING AT STRAWS I KNOW) BUT WILL WAIT AND SEE WHAT HE SAYS WHEN WE GO BACK
REGARDING EC I WONT LIE ITS QUITE UNCOMFORTABLE,BUT BEARABLE IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN 
REGARDING T SHE WILL BE FINE A VERY STRONG LADIE AND SHE HAS PLENTY OF SUPPORT AROUND HER TAKE CARE ALI AND KEEP IN TOUCH LISAXXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hello Lisa 

Thought i would update you. We are set for egg collection on Monday but I'm a little disappointed as there are only 5 follies that have gone on to the correct size. I am now panicking that there may not be 5 eggs and then they may not fertilize. I know you know how it feels and I just don't know what to do withmyself at the moment. I feel so anxious waiting for Mon and then more waiting! 

Sorry for the negative post I just down after having an initial high response.  There are about 20 that only made it to about 12 mm so they are too small obviously. I should be grateful we have got this far but just want to fast forward to next week.

I hope you are well.  Take care of yourself and good luck for your appointment. Let me know how you get on.

Love Ali xxxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

just remember ali i only had two eggs and one fertilized you will be fine im sure,i know 5 isnt a great amount i wont lie, but its better having 5 than none,yes its dissapointing when things dont go to plan i know,but i think you will be ok im sure of it good luck today and hopefully they will retrive 5 eggs and they all go on to fertilise for you both, its horrid waiting i know but there is nothing you can do so be strong and try and be ++++++++++ let mo kmow ali lisaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa

Thanks for the words of support.

I have just got back from egg collection and they got 6 eggs which I am quite pleased with. We now have the agonising wait to see what they get up to in that oven .  I don't think I will sleep tonight. I'm so frightenend but I suppose I cannot give up on them just yet.

Take care and I will let you know what happens.

Love Ali xx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI HOPE ITS GOOD NEWS LISAXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa

Unfortunately only one of the 6 eggs were mature and then that one didn't fertilise   so yesterday I was gutted when the nurse called to tell me.  I just wasn't expecting it to be honest.  I just feel numb. They told me that from the scans they expected the eggs to be mature and that the eggs were at the stage before the final maturation. So I am confused as to whether I have poor quality eggs. The nurse said that they would take our case to the clinical meeting next week and probably increase the HCG next time/change the protocol.

The thing is I am so scared about going through it again as it is so heartbraking.  So we are having  a few months off to recover before starting again. This game is so cruel but an essential one if we are to reach our dream.

I hope you are ok and that your appointment went well today.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Sorry for the negative post...I still feel so sick and exhausted from it all!

Take care
Love Ali xxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

OH ALI IM SO SORRY FOR YOU BOTH,I TRULY NO WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH ITS HEARTBREAKING I KNOW,WORDS DONT SEEM TO COMFORT YOU EITHER BUT I WILL SAY THIS IN TIME IT GETS EASIER TO COPE WITH BUT ITS STILL HARD,ITS LIKE ALL YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS HAVE BEEN SNATCHED AWAY IN A FLASH AND THERE IS NOT A DAM THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT
WHEN ALL MY CYCLES WENT WRONG I WAS ALWAYS SCARED ABOUT STARTING THE NEXT ONE THATS ONLY NATURAL AND THERS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP YOU HAVING THOSE FEARS 
PLEASE TRY AND STAY STRONG BOTH OF YOU, BECAUSE YOU NEED TO BE, LIKE YOU SAY, AND I KNOW IT DOESNT ALWAYS GO TO PLAN 
THEY WILL GO OVER YOUR PROTOCOL AGAIN AND PROB MAKE CHANGES FOR NEXT TIME,
SO HOPFULLY GET A BETTER RESULT NEXT TIME 
MY APPT WENT WELL TALKED ABOUT EGG DONATION ITS £5,000 SO ALOT,NEED TO WIN LOTTERY QUICK (NOT BAD TO SAY I DONT EVEN DO IT)
ANYWAY ALI IM HERE FOR SUPPORT TAKE CARE AND ONCE AGAIN IM SORRY LISAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX [br]Posted on: 25/05/06, 08:27HI ALI JUST WANTED TO ASK IF YOU ARE OK 
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU MY CONSULTANT SAID IT COULD BE THAT I AM GOING THROUGH EARLY MENOPAUSE OF WHICH TO WHY I HAVENT PRODUCED HARDLY ANY EGGS (GOD IM ONLY 31) XXX LISAXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa

Thanks for your thoughts.  Each day is getting a little easier but I still feel a bit fragile and seem to burst into tears if Steve gives me a hug or something reminds me.  I suppose it will get easier - I hope!

Thanks for your update from your appointment. I have heard of women going through the early menopause, in fact when looking at my symptoms, I wondered if I was the same. The hard thing is we have to go through so many attempts before they can tell us the problem.  How are you feeling about it?  I hope that you are ok. Sometimes knowing what the problem is can make it a little easier to come to terms with than just not knowing....but it's still difficult I imagine.

We are thinking of trying again in August but each time we get knock backed it seems much harder to get up. I need  a suit of armour!!!!

Take care Lisa
Love Ali xxxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI 
JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU HOW YOU ARE FEELING HOPE ITS A BIT BETTER,WELL IM OF TO WATCH ENGLAND PLAY TONIGHT AT MAN UTD GROUND SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT, TAKING CHARLOTTE SO SHE IS REALLY EXCITED,HAVE YOU BEEN IN TOUCH WITH PARK YET THEY NORMALLY RING YOU UP TO SEE HOW YOU ARE COPING WITH EVERYTHING HOPE YOUR OK TAKE CARE LISAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[br]Posted on: 30/05/06, 08:15Hi ali
hope you are well how are you feeling lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa  

Thanks for your email and I am sorry for taking so long to get back to you. I suppose that I haven't wanted to remind myself about what had just happened but I do find this site really helpful so I am back now.  I'm down but definitely not out and will try again in the coming months.

How are you?  Have you decided about the egg donation?  How long is the waiting list?  

I hope you are enjoying this nice weather. I wish I wasn't at work this week as I would love to be chilling out in the garden with a glass of wine. On the wine front I am making up for the past 3 months and have been having  a few too many but I think I deserve it!

I hope you are well.  
Take care Lisa
Love Ali xxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali 
so glad you are feeling a bit better but it takes such a long time if not never to come to terms with,i still have bad days where i want to just break down but im only human.
yes decided to go with egg donation its our only way now,i have to have this blood test done called cnv or something if it comes back that i have had this (its something to do with the flu i think) then the wait is one year if i havent then the wait is 2 months which really shocked me as i thought it would have been years on a waiting list so thats quit good 
have you been back to park yet or are you going back for a review consul;tation 
we have had to pay £400 to be put on the donour list and it costs £5,000 so very expensive, we have spent 7,000 up to yet 
i just want it to so work next time but sick of hoping for it to all be took away so quickly i need a bloody medal we all do lisa xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa

I am supposed to go back for a review on 22 June. I received a copy of a letter sent to my doctor which says that after the meeting they think that I have an egg problem and that I have to have lots  more tests including chromosome tests totallig nearly £300!  It's neverending isn't it.  I'm a bit mad to just get a letter that doesn't really tell me anything other thatn I may have a problem.

Anyway it sounds like you are being really positive although yes we all have our off days and that is normal sweetheart!

Take care and lets keep each othr posted.

Lots of love
Ali xxxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ALI THEY JUST SOMETIMES SEND THESE LETTERS OUT AND YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND  
BUT WHEN YOU GO BACK THEY WILL FULLY EXPLAIN TO YOU WHATS GOING OFF ITS ONE THING AFTER ANOTHER WHY CANT ANYTHING JUST BE STRAIGHT FORWARD      HAVE A NICE DAY AND WHAT A LOVELY DAY IT IS AGAIN SPEAK SOON ALI TAKE CARE LISA XXXXXXXX [br]Posted on: 9/06/06, 07:54HI ALI JUST WANDERED HOW YOU WAS LISA XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa


Thanks for asking. I would love to say that I am ok but if I am honest I feel like a bit of a nutter. In fact I am finding it very hard to cope at work as I cannot focus and I am forgetting everything.  I am worried about the results of the tests and go back next THursday to find out whether there is an underlying egg problem.  

I cannot seem to get it out of my head and am feeling a lot lower than I have ever done really.  Considering signing off sick but then I would feel guilty.  Don't know what to do   .

How are you? Have you had your blood test yet??

Take care Lisa and sorry for the nutty post!!
Love Ali xxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

NO ONE CAN BLAME YOU FOR FEELING LIKE YOU DO ITS SUCH A WORRYING PROCESS TO GO THROUGH AND NO ONE TRULY UNDERSTANDS UNTILL THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT THEMSELVES 
IT MIGHT DO YOU A BIT OF GOOD HAVING TIME OFF WORK
I WOULD LOVE TO SAY TO YOU EVERYTHING WILL BE OK BUT ITS SO HARD WITH IVF AS YOU KNOW ITS NOT AS STRAIGHTFORWARD SOMETIMES, I ONLY WISH ALL YOUR TESTS COME BACK OK FOR YOU BOTH 
HAVENT HAD MY BLOOD TEST DONE YET WILL PROB GO NEXT WEEK TO GET IT DONE 
I WILL SAY THIS TRY NOT TO GET TO DOWN ALI I KNOW ITS HARD BUT YOU NEED ALL YOUR STRENGTH FOR WHEN YOU TRY AND AGAIN 
TAKE CARE IF YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING GOOD AND BAD IM HERE FOR YOU LOVE LISAXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Lisa you are a sweetheart thank you!!   

YOu are right, I don't think people understand how soul destroying IVF can be!!  I went to the doctors on 
Monday a bit of a gibbering wreck and she signed me off for two weeks so I will try and build up the strength (mentally and physically) to try again. I suppose we have to wait and see what they tell us on Thursday as to when and how we will be trying.

I have just booked a holiday to go to Austria in January for Steve and I. I am sick of putting my life on hold 'just in case' I get pregnant. If we have to cancel, so be it, it will be a fantastic reason if I'm pregnant!

Good luck with your test. How are you coping? I am here too if you just need to vent your frustrations.  We all need a good scream every now and then!

Lots of love
Ali xxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI
GLAD YOU HAVE TIME OFF WORK IF YOU NEED IT,SOORY DID YOU SAY YOU WAS AT CARE TODAY HOPE ITS ALL GONE OK FOR YOU BOTH,
IT CAN BE REALLY HARD TO GET ON WITH DAY TO DAY THINGS WHEN YOU HAVE ALL THOUGHTS RUNNING THROUGH YOUR HEAD ITS NOT EASY I KNOW.
HOPE YOU GET ON OK ALI AT CARE WISHING YOU LOTS OF LUCK LISAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX[br]Posted on: 22/06/06, 17:43HI ALI JUST WANDERED HOW YOU GOT ON YESTERDAY HOPE ITS GOOD NEWS LISA XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa

Thanks for asking about my results.  All of my tests came back normal although I am still waiting to get the results of the chromosome test.  He said that we can go through IVF again with slightly more drugs this time (225 menopur) and they will leave my eggs longer to hopefully mature.  If the same thing happens as last time I may have to consider egg donation but I have to go through this again first.  I just wish there was one test that could say for definite as it seems crazy that we have to go through 2 or 3 attempts and all the heartache.

So we will be going again in August/September so I will concentrate on getting strong for then.

How about you Lisa? How are you doing?  Have you had the test yet?

Keep in touch.
Take care
Love Ali xxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI WELL GLAD YOUR TESTS HAVE COME BACK OK
SO YOU CAN GET READY FOR ROUND TWO, HOPEFULLY BETTER RESULTS 
THATS IT WITH IVF ITS TRIAL AND ERROR REALLY UNLESS YOUR REALLY LUCKY AND EVERYTHING GOES OK FROM START TO FINISH
HAVE GOT OUR BLOOD TESTS TOMMOROW SO ITS A CASE OF PROB WAITING ANOTHER WEEK FOR THE RESULTS BUT AT LEAST ITS FREE  
GOING OUT SAT DINNER TO WATCH ENGLAND MATCH GOING TO THE PUB SO PROB GET EXTREMLEY DRUNK AGAIN,WENT OUT TO WATCH THE LAST GAME AND GOT DRUNK THEN (OH WELL)

ARE YOU FELLING A BIT MORE +++++ NOW YOU HAVE YOUR RESULTS BACK HOPE SO   
ITS JUST WORRYING I KNOW BECAUSE WHAT HAPPEND TO YOU LAST TIME 
BUT HOPEFULLY THE NEXT ONE WILL BE GOOD FOR YOU BOTH SPEAK SOON ALI LOVE LISAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
[br]: 28/06/06, 08:42HI ALI SORRY ITS BEEN SO LONG TO TALK.HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT THINGS,GOT MY RESULTS BACK AND I HAVE HAD THE CNV VIRUS SO HOPEFULLY IT WONT BE LONG IN FINDING A MATCH PROB START NEAR CHRISTMAS NOV DEC TIME,JUST GOT BACK OF UOR HOLS WE WENT TO NEWQUAY FOR 10 DAYS REALLY NICE
WHEN DO YOU THINK YOU WILL BE STARTING AGAIN HOPE YOU ARE COPING OK 
LET ME KNOW HOW YOU ARE DOING LISAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa

It's lovely to hear from you! To be honest I haven't been on fertility friends for a while either. Pleased you had a nice break in Newquay. We love that area too and would like to go back soon.

So you are hoping to try again in Nov/December time!! I imagine this break has been good for you both as the stress of going through treatment can be so big that we need to look after ourselves in between. We have struggled to decide when to go through it again but we think it will be September time. WE have friends that have just sailed through their first try of IVF and are now on 2ww. I feel so envious that things went 'text book' for them. I would just like to get all the way through treatment and not feel like we've been cheated.

I think Steve has just got tea ready so I shall sign off for now.

Take care Lisa and keep in touch.

Love Ali xxx

[br]: 11/08/06, 18:52Hi Lisa

How are you

I'm not sure whether you got this previous message so I thought I would see if you were around?

We are starting again on the rollercoaster and back again in September for the first scan.I haven't heard great things about the new clinic and not being as nice as the Park but we will see. I don't know what to feel at the moment and trying to stay sane (not easy!)

How are you?

Love Ali xx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI I KNOW WHAT YOU GOING THROUGH BELIVE ME ITS SO HARD TO STAY FOCUSED ON THINGS WHEN YOU HAVE THIS RUNNING THROUGH YOUR MIND ALL THE TIME
HAVENT HEARD ANYTHING UP TO YET ABOUT THE NEW CARE CLINIC??
DID YOU SAY YOU WERE STARTING IN DEC WHY HAVE YOU GOT TO HAVE A SCAN IF YOU DONT MIND ME ASKING
SPEAK SOON LOVE LISA XXXXXXXXXXX
HOWS WORK I KNOW LAST TIME YOU SAID YOU WAS FINDING IT HARD HOPE YOU ARE FEELING A BIT BETTER XXXXXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa   

Nice to hear from you!  I have started down reg drugs and go back in September for scan to see if I am ready to start the the next stage of stim drugs.  So we will be going through it again in September.

Are you still thinking of November/December?  Yes work is just a means to an end at the moment and don't really feel like giving it my all.  I have been really tired on the Buserilin drugs this time and just want my bed all the time!  

I have got it in my head that I will need egg donation too so I might need to ask your advice if and when the time comes. I have heard good success rates for egg donation so I have everything crossed for you.

Take care Lisa
Love Ali xxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI
THAT IS REALLY GOOD THAT YOU HAVE STARTED AGAIN MY RESULTS HAVE COME BACK I AM CNV ++ SO THAT MEANS I WONT HAVE TO WAIT LONG FOR A DONOR,MICKY HAS TO GO FOR THE SAME TEST DIDNT KNOW THAT GOD KNOWS WHY REALLY COMPLICATED REALLY   
SO PROB AFTER CHRISTMAS NOW
TRY NOT TO THINK YOU WILL NEED EGG DONATION YET,YOU HAVE ONLY HAD ONE GO AFTER ALL AND YOU RESPOND TO THE DRUGS 
EVERY CYCLE CAN BE SO DIFFERENT JUST CONCENTRATE ON THIS ONE YOU WILL BE OK    
BUSERLIN MADE ME TIRED AS WELL AND REALLY BAD HEADACHES HOPEFULLY YOUR WORK SHOULD UNDERSTAND,BUT SOMETIMES PEOPLE JUST DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU GO THROUGH UNTILL THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT THEMSELVES
I HAVE SAID TO MANY PEOPLE UNTILL IT HAPPENS TO YOU YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND I DONT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS ITS HEARTBREAKING TO GO THROUGH ESPECIALLY WHEN IT DOESNT RUN SMOOTH
WHEN IS YOUR NEXT SCAN, HAVE THEY SAID WHY YOUR CYCLE DIDNT WORK LAST TIME AND WILL THEY DO ANY THING DIFFERENT THIS TIME OR YOU BOTH 
TAKE CARE ALI AND YOU NEVER KNOW THIS ONE COULD BE THE ONE TAKE CARE LISAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa

Sorry it's taken so long to reply. I haven't been on the bulletin board as often as last time. I am glad that you are still hopeful and thinking of going again after Christmas.I am sure that will be here before you know it.

Well this time I managed to get to embryo transfer. I had 14 eggs collected on Thursday and was so scared that they wouldn't fertilise but 6 did and out of those 6 there were 3 good enough to use. We put back 2 embryos but they couldn't freeze the third as it was a grade 3 and they only freeze grade 1 and 2s.

So I am now onthe 2 week wait and feeling  happier that we made it this far but I suppose not too excited as there is still a very long way to go yet! I don't know how I will cope during these two weeks but will try and stay positive until the evil test day.

Hope you are well Lisa and hoping that next time is your time for good news.

Lots of love
Take care
Ali xxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI
WELL THATS GREAT NEWS FOR YOU BOTH ARE YOU STILL AT WORK OR TAKING THE TWO WEEKS OFF
I BET YOU ARE SO EXCITED NO YOU HAVE GOT THIS FAR JUST TAKE THINGS EASY FOR A WHILE AND YOU WILL BE FINE 
I BET THIS 2 WEEKS WILL FEEL LIKE A LIFE TIME TO WAIT
DO YOU THINK YOU WILL TEST A BIT EARLY.OR ARE YOU GOING TO WAIT TILL PROPER TEST DATE I DONT THINK I WOULD BE ABLE TO RESIST ACTULLY 
WHEN IS YOUR TEST DATE 
I REALLY HOPE IT COMES BACK +++++ FOR YOU GOOD LUCK ALI AND TAKE CARE LISAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Thanks Lisa  

I have the whole time off as sick/annual leave and the test day is on Monday 2 October and I am petrified, but grateful to have got this far. For the first time it feels like we have a bit of hope and part of me doesn't want to test because then a negative brings a whole lot of other emotions!!  On the second IUI we tested early and got a faint positive and convinced myself it would get stronger but it didn't which was horrible.  So I think we will wait until the official test day and I will probably get up at the crack of dawn to do it as I won't be able to sleep.

Until then I am trying to keep occupied and rest as much as possible.

Thanks for the good wishes and I will let you know how I get on.
Take care Lisa
Love Ali xx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI JUST THOUGHT I WOULD WRITE YOU A QUICK MESSAGE.HOPE YOU ARE FEELING OK AND RESTING WELL,I BET YOU ARE SO EXCITED AND YET SCARED  AT THE SAME TIME NOT LONG NOW TILL YOU TEST DID YOU SAY 2ND OF OCT LET ME KNOW HOW YOU ARE GETTING ON ALI TAKE CARE LISA XXXX


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali
hope all is well,seen tanya this after said you had a really nice meal,we have been looking at chocolate fountains for my hubbys 30th but up to yet very expensive from £350 so he's not getting one up to yet    
hope your feeling ok not be long did you say sun you will be testing i bet your nervous take care lisaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI GOOD LUCK FOR TODAY AND HOPE YOU GET YOUR           LISA


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa

Sorry that I haven't responded sooner!  You are so sweet thinking of me!  How are you?

Yes we tested today and got our very first BFP!!  To say we are shocked is an understatement. I don't think it has sunk in yet. Whilst I am so grateful to have got this far I am so very anxious about what could go wrong. I know I shouldn't be negative but I just feel absolutely petrified!  Trying to take every day as it comes and have to ring Care this afternoon to find out date for first scan (another 2ww aaarrrggggh).

When is your hubby's birthday?  Are you doing  a surprise party for him?  Yes I think £350 is a bit over the top for a chocolate fountain, maybe a big box of thorntons might have to do .

Take care Lisa
Love Ali xxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

WELL DONE ALI THATS GREAT NEWS FOR YOU BOTH     
I BET YOU ARE SO EXCITED THAT IT HAS WORKED I KNOW ITS HARD NOT TO WORRY,BUT YOU HAVE DONE THE HARD BIT AND ENJOY BEING PREGNANT NOW TAKE CARE ALI SPEAK SOON LISAXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

HI ALI HOPE ALL IS WELL LISAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa 

Thanks for the congratulations!  I am still in shock and won't begin to believe it until Monday when I am having my first scan (6weeks 5 days I think).  Feel very tired and have been in bed by 9.30 most nights as back at work and feeling the effects.  I also figure that if I go to bed early most nights that the 12 weeks will pass quickly.

How are you doing?  Made any more plans for Mickey's birthday?

Hope you are well Lisa
Take care
Love Ali xxxx


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## lisawill (Feb 25, 2005)

hi ali,  tanya has told me about your scan thats great news well done and have a happy healthy pregnancy well done to you both love lisa xxxx


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## browneyes (Feb 10, 2006)

Hi Lisa  

Thanks for the good wishes!  I am 10 1/2 weeks but still struggling to believe it has worked as I suppose I have been used to getting disappointing news.  People cannot understand why I am not so excited but I will probably start to believe it if and when we reach 12 weeks.  I am taking nothing for granted in this game.

I hope that you are well as you work towards your next try. I really have absolutely everything crossed that you will be in this exact same position at some point in 2007!!!

Take care Lisa
Love Ali xxx


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