# A spot of light relief....



## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

This is apparently the world's funniest joke:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

I laughed anyway. I also have a soft spot for this:

Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says "How do you drive this thing?"

Anyone else want to join me in a spot of light relief and a  ?


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

I like the fishtank one   

I can't remember any funnies right now...but I always laugh at that Two Ronnies sketch 'Four candles - fork handles' - know the one? I still laugh at it though I've seen it a million times....

Bernie


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

I love this one, but maybe because I spend too much time with economists ...

Two economist are lost in a desert.  No water left, and no water holes within sight.  One says to the other 'I just don't understand it.  There's obviously a demand, so why isn't there a supply?'

It's kind of how IF feels sometimes to me ... the logical side of my brain just can't take in how on earth the world can really be as unfair as it is!

Jx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Yeah it is unfair Pol. On the theme of 'occupational' jokes - here is a creaky old one that my dad said at my wedding in his speach.

These days the Americans have started using lawyers instead of rats in experiments. Do you know why? Cos there are more lawyers in America than rats; scientist are less lightly to form an emotional attachment with them; ... and there are some things that rats won't do"

He cracked that joke - never mind the fact that a lot of our friends are in the legal field (!) It wasn't quite a tumbleweed moment - a few loyal rels forced a chuckle!!

Bernie xxx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Here's a sasonal one:

A husband in his later years asked his wife, "What happened to our sexual relations?" to which she replied, "I don't know dear. We never even got a Christmas card from them last year!"

But my favourie silly one is:

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick!

Jq


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)

Ok here is one for you..

A woman goes to her Dr with a bit of lettuce hanging out of her fanny... 

Dr says "Oooh that looks Nasty!" she says "Nasty?!!  its just the tip of the f**** * iceberg!"


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

OK, this one is really silly but has had me giggling all day ...

What does a fish say when it bumps into a wall ... Dam.

And second to that I quite  like 

What did the grape say when an elephant stood on it ... Nothing - it just gave a little wine.

And finally

What is ET short for ... No reason, he just didn't have very long legs!

Ok, I'll stop now ...

Jx


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## wouldloveababycat (Mar 21, 2004)




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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

A couple for Christmas:

It was Christmas Eve in Asda and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one.

In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, 'Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?' 

'No, madam, 'he replied, 'they're all dead.' 

and...

A woman goes into a post office to buy some stamps for her Christmas cards. What denomination do you want ? asked the lady at the counter. 'Good God!' she replied, Has it come to this? I suppose you'd better give me twenty Catholic, twenty CoE and a few Presbyterian.


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## Pol (Mar 9, 2007)

Only just saw those two, flipper, and they're brilliant!


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