# How do you explain



## Jonsgirl80 (Jun 6, 2013)

Myself and my husband are about to start ICSI treatment next month.

I already have a six year old son who is desperate for a sibling. He asks every day when we are going to make a brother or sister for him to play with.  A lot of his friends have younger siblings or their mummies are expecting so of course he thinks it happens easily and can't understand why we haven't done it yet 

Our son knows we are spending a lot of time at the hospital at the moment as he always goes to his nana's house when we go. He also noticed I'd had some blood taken out of my arm and was worried about it - he's a very perceptive little boy.

I'll be starting down reg injections soon and as I say he's very perceptive so he's bound to notice something especially if I'm not 100%. I don't want him to worry or be scared about what's happening so I'm wondering about the best way to explain to him in terms he can understand without him worrying. 

Also he's a very "physical" boy he likes to climb on me for hugs and jump on me and play rough and he's all knees and elbows (which frequently end up in my tummy) obviously I don't want him doing that if I might be pregnant. But how to explain without him feeling like I'm pushing him away? I don't want to tell him there might be a baby in there because I don't want him to be upset if it then doesn't work. 

Does anybody have any experience of this or any advice? 

Thanks


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## sjjinx (Mar 14, 2014)

I have a 5 yr old son and I've been very very honest with him. I've explained about eggs and there journey. I've told him that my eggs are stuck as my pipes are broken and we can only have a baby if the doctors take the eggs out and then put them back in my tummy and that sometimes this doesn't work either. 

I had a lap recently and I was worried about how rough he is but I explained that to him in simple terms too and showed him my dressings afterwards (he's very curious) and he was so gentle I needn't have worried. 

Thankfully I find this matter of fact way works very well in my family but all children are different and this approach may not work with a sensitive child. Saying that, kids are tougher than we think. X


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## jdm4tth3ws (May 20, 2012)

Hi

im having to inject clexane every day and my boys are 6 and 3.5 yrs.  so i just explained to them that i have a poorly tummy. and the injections are to try and make.it better.  they are.also very boisterous so i remind them them to not jump.all over me because of my poorly belly.  it seems to work.  i tend to think that to my lads 9 months is a long long time to wait, so i just say im a bit poorly for now. and rest a lot.

but as someone else has said, every family is different and what might be right for mine, might not be good for yours.

anybow,  hope i/we have given good advice
jade xxx


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## ixilou (Nov 23, 2013)

Hello 


I have a son who is 5 years old and am having icsi - I have just started down reg. He has often asked for a brother or sister to play with and I explain that we don't always get to choose how many babies a mummy will have but one day I might have another one. I  point out to him that a baby probably wouldn't  be that fun to play with for quite a long time until they were old enough to join in. I get him to focus on all the things we can do together because we don't need to look after a brother or sister, for example I can take him to lots of after school activities and do things at a weekend that he enjoys that with a baby would be more difficult. However I do point out that one day we might have another baby and he seems happy enough with this explanation. Saying that, I hate the thought of him growing up as an only child, so I am doing everything I can to give him a sibling. I do my injections when he is in bed and all my appointments have been during the day so he hasn't noticed I'm doing ivf. My dh tells him that girls and women sometimes aren't as tough as men (sexist I know) and so boys need to be careful not to hurt mummies by playing too rough and jumping on top of me etc. And so far he's accepted this. Good luck on your journey xxxx


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## Holly84 (Jan 21, 2014)

I've just had this same dilemma with my 6 yr old boy. I didn't tell him anything at first, but after a while, once I was stimming and having lots of hosp appts. He asked where I was going and explained to him mummy and DP need a little bit of help making a baby. I said I need a little operation on my tummy so I'll be sore and that's why I've been grumpy and tired as I needed some extra medicine.
After egg collection he was lije my little nurse. He was extra careful with cuddles and I felt so much better for no secrets. He hasn't asked again what's happening.
I did say it may not or could work but we'll just have to wait a while to find out and that I was absolutely fine..
I have now had my BFP and I can not wait to tell him. I've decided to take him to the 12wk scan as I think that'll be a special way to find out
Good luck however you decide to explain

Xxxx


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## Jonsgirl80 (Jun 6, 2013)

Awww that's lovely holly congrats on your bfp. And thanks to everyone else who has taken the time to reply.

I don't want to keep anything from him because I believe in being honest and my little one is always very curious and constantly questioning everything. But I don't want to upset him because he's a mummies boy and he worries about me all the time.

He wants a sibling so much and I would love to give him one - I'm not an only child as such but there's a huge age gap between me and my siblings (they'd left home by the time I was five) so I grew up without siblings and I still remember what a lonely childhood it was - I don't want that for my son. 

I have explained to him already that babies are hard work and mummy and daddy might not have as much time to play and we might not be able to do some of the things we do now but he seems quite happy with that.


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## Holly84 (Jan 21, 2014)

I think if you explain in a nice relaxed way, that leaves him no place to worry, but to just understand the journey without too much info! You can't go wrong. In my opinion. I wish I'd told him a little earlier!

He loves top gear and a few mornings ago he ran into my room saying.. Mummy, if you do have a baby and it's a boy, can we please call him Jeremy. Love him!!!!!

Good luck and hope it all goes well xxxx


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## dillydolly (Mar 11, 2005)

My 6 year old has been to most of my blood tests and appointments to 'get my tummy checked'. I have told him in the past that I will do my best to get him a brother or sister as he is always asking. I think he is just used to it all now and accepts it in the way that kids accept things. I think he was a bit shocked when I went for egg collection and he came up to see me in the bed afterwards but we had no choice as DP had to go and do his bit! I wasn't groggy or anything I was just in bed in my gown. After transfer I just tell him I have a bad tummy and he has to be careful. I think he just accepts it now as it's been going on all his life!


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