# 41-single- donor sperm in Argentina



## velvet (Oct 6, 2008)

Hi. I´m very new in this place. 
I´m 41 and single, and don´t to wait more for a baby. 
Is there anyone here that has made the same decision?
I´d appreciate to talk to you!

In my country there is no regulation frame for donors, so they are anonymus, his worries me a lot give i+´d like the baby to have the possibility of knowing when he turns 18 if he wants, so I´m considering buying in USA
The other issue is my sadness. This is not the way I have ever dreamed about having a child, and this is a rather old fashion country....


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## dottiep (Nov 20, 2007)

Hi Velvet & welcome to the website.  You have certainly come to the right place.
We are all in a similar situation to you - single and wanting to be mums so using a donor (or donors) to help us achieve our dreams.  Please try not to be sad - I know it's hard because this is not how we saw our futures when we were younger!
I am actually having treatment in the czech republic where donors are anonymous, having made the decision after treatment in the uk.
There are a few girls on here who have imported sperm - I'm sure they will come along and answer your queries very shortly.
In the meantime don't hesitate to ask if you have loads of questions.

Take care
Dottie
x


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## velvet (Oct 6, 2008)

Thanks Clarie, Dottie and Rose!
you are all so nice!I appreciate your support 

I dont know how to send a private message... can you tell me?

Dottie: can you tell me why are you going for anonymous? In my country I just can get that, but my concern is that the baby one days wants to know how is his biological father... how have you make your mind up for anonymous? would you mind to share?

Rose: I´ll try to express in English so we can all have this conversationBut I´ll take your offer in the case i´m in a deeper crisis!!!


TO ALL:
I really feel abandon and alone. From time to time the project of having a baby on my own give me focus and strength but a couple of hour latter I find myself sobbing. 
I´m afraid of what will happen to him at school when he/she discovers that has my last name and not the father´s one!... and that his life is REALLY different because he don´t even see his father during week ends! 
The hole issue of not having a father scares me... is not that tha fatehr has gone somewhere with someone, or that has another family... he simple doesn´t exist!!!

I can´t get the issue outof my mind!!! and I eally want to do it... but it´s just that the way is not what I wanted and I´m affraid not to do the right thing. On the other hand, if I wait... it will be too late, and "a father" my not appear!

I´m lucky given my parents support me, but I have nices adn nephews that are from 1 to 7 and I´m affraid what the impact will be on them

has any of you been through this?


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Hola Velvet

Welcome to our group...I just typed a long message but then my computer lost connection grrrrr...anyway just to say we're all here, the group is very supportive and knowledgeable.  I think we all feel a bit sad at times that we are doing it this way, but equally why shouldn't we be mums just because we haven't met the right man yet. And I'm sure we will all be great ones! i like to think that a nice man will come along anyway once there is a baby!  Claire's right, you should be very proud of yourself for making this decision and following your dream.

I look forward to sharing your experience.

big  

Lxx


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## dottiep (Nov 20, 2007)

Velvet - to send a private message click on the green scroll icon under the name of the person you want to send a message to.

Dx


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## Maya7 (Sep 9, 2008)

Hola Velvet

You've come to the right place to get help and support... I know Rose has offered contact in Spanish - I'd also give it a go - although last couple of years havent written so much in Spanish.(pero me defiendo..)

The sadness is hard to deal with sometimes and that is where connecting with a lot of positive women going it alone can really help...Its a brave step - but I think that the sadness you may feel knowing you never tried this option will be even harder to bear...

Good luck 
~  suerte y que le vaya bien


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## Felix42 (Oct 14, 2007)

Welcome Velvet. I agree what the others have said. It can be sad at times to be on this journey when we all would have wanted to be having a baby with a man we love & loves us. I think we have all been through a bit of a grieving process, but it doesn't mean that this isn't also a lovely way to have a child. 

There is quite a lot of literature out there on what being a child conceived by donor sperm can be like, and maybe reading some of that could help you get easier with this route. Single Mothers by Choice or SMC has a lot of information as do the Donor Conception Network.  The latter even have children's book specially for those conceived this way. There are increasing numbers of children conceived like this so finding other mothers & would be mothers may help you and your child feel more comfortable with his/her origins. You might find others in Argentina this way too. 

Good luck on your journey and remember that you (and your future child) are not alone. 

Love and hugs, Felix xx


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## Sima (Aug 10, 2008)

Hi Velvet

Welcome to the boards.  You have found the right place and you will get a lot of great advice from the ladies on here.  I personally feel quite relaxed about trying to have a child as a single mother but I have also spent quite a bit of time thinking about it.  I cannot say it was an easy decision and like you one of my concerns has been how will I deal with other peoples reactions to me and any child I might have.  I do have the support of my family which helps since I think I can cope with a whole number of negative reaction if I have them.  I am also lucky to have some supportive friends who are not going through this journey but are happy to listen to me and hold my hand when necessary.Meeting and chatting to the ladies on this board also made me realise that I am not alone.  Actually women have been doing this for years so you are really not alone.  

I imported sperm from Xytex in the US.  The process was relatively quick and easy and the hardest part about it was choosing the donor (there is such choice).  The staff were really helpful and if you give them the details of your clinic they will be able to help you with all the arrangements with the delivery.

Good luck with your journey.  You have already taken the first of many big steps so keep on going.

Bye

Sima


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Welcome to the madness of us single ladies Velvet... It's a great site with a lot of support.
Regarding the donor - I've chosen to import mine from the european sperm bank which holds a wealthof info - as your situation is slightly different (we can only import known donors), you'll get the choice of both.
I do know what you mean, however we're now in a society where there are a lot of single parent families  - more so than the normal husband / wife and 2.4 kids.  In fact thats demmed as odd by some children.  I'm sure that when the time comes, you'll cope fantastically with all the questions.  A lot of women nowadays keep their maiden name - even when married.  
Good luck and take care
R x


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Welcome Velvet

I'm having a bit of a tough time at the moment, so I may not be my usual positive self but I just wanted to pop on and say hello and good luck with your journey.

It's not an easy path we've chosen, but the way I look at it, I'd rather deal with the consequences of having a child by donor, than deal with not having a child at all. Of course there will be questions and challenges as the child grows up, but I think if you feel confident in your choice, the child will too. I'm not sure about Argentina (I suspect it may be fairly conservative?) but here at least this route to having a child is becoming more and more common. Not to mention the number of children being brought up by one parent anyway due to separation, divorce, death etc. 

And who is to say that you won't have a father figure for your child one day? Just because you are single now, does not mean you always will be.

I don't have any particularly wise words to offer, for me at least I just kept going through the questions in my head until I was confident that I was doing the right thing. It's been very very hard, this past week or so especially. But having come so close, I'm now even more convinced that this is what I want and I'll be trying again as soon as it's medically possible....

Wishing you all the very best,
Suitcase
x


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## winky77 (Nov 27, 2007)

Hello Velvet! 

Welcome to FF and I'm so glad you have found our discussion thread.  I can't offer to communicate in Spanish....can just about ask directions to the bar then order a couple of beers when I get there but my Spanish doesn't stretch to fertility discussions!  Your English seems really good tho! 

Like you I am 41 and like a lot of people on here we have had to let go of the dream of a conventional family scenario.  But that said....how many children today find themselves in conventional situations.  The modern family is made up of all kinds of combinations.  I know that culturally in the UK we are getting to grips with the whole donor conceived situation and it might not be so acceptable in Argentina.  However, once you have your baby it will all be worth it  And in time you may still achieve the dream of having a partner to share the ongoing joys of bringing up a child. We have a lifetime of that to look forward to. 

Look forward to chatting to you some more on here...

..Winky


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## Roo67 (Feb 12, 2007)

Velvet, hello and welcome

Ditto what the others have said - i think we all wanted the dream of starting a family with a loving partner, and we amy all get that anyway just maybe the other way around.

looking forward to getting to know you better

R xx


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## some1 (May 13, 2006)

Hello Velvet

Welcome to our group!  Sorry to hear that you are feeling sad about the prospect of having a child without a partner.  It is really tough isn't it.  I think we have all been through a rough time making this decision and I also think that it is an important part of the process - it shows we have really thought things through and are not going into this without thinking.

As you can see, I am now nearly 24 weeks pregnant with a baby conceived with donor sperm, and although this isn't how I imagined becoming a mother, I am 100% certain that I have done the right thing and happier than I have been in a very long time.  I do worry that my child may suffer in some way due to my decision, but in reality every child has problems to deal with and I will do my very best to minimise any damage my decision could cause.  I did struggle with the decision in the early days but my mind was made up when I realised that of all the stories I had read of single women having children I never read a single story where the mother said that they regretted their decision.

You are right, if you wait now a father may not appear in time for you to have a child.  However if you go ahead now and have a child there is every chance that a 'Daddy' could appear and you could end up with the traditional family that you are hoping for.

Some1
xx


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## Lou-Ann (Apr 20, 2008)

Velvet, just wanted to say hello and welcome you to the group   . The ladies here offer great advice and support, so you have come to the right place. We would all love to be starting a family with a loving partner, but unfortunately some dreams don't unfold the way we wish they would have.

Good luck with your journey  

Lou-Ann x


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## velvet (Oct 6, 2008)

it´s really turning difficult to import the sperm in my country... loads of constraints and burocracy... I have no time... I´d need the sperm in 25 days...


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