# anyone else angry?



## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

HI all
just need to vent.. 
i've gone from the most chilled easy going laid back lady - to an angry mess... 
DH has suggested that maybe I should take a step back and look at how i am these days as i'm so different to how i used to be - and he knows its because i'm hurting but he can't help make it better. He is my rock and i love him dearly - and iknow he's 100% right. 
Anyone got any ideas on how to manage the feelings of being so angry at the world. Angry at myself, my body and just a bit lost in a world that revolves around dates, hormones and timed 'moments'..... 
sorry ladies i know everyone struggles - just needed to get it off my chest. 
xxxx


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## muusa (Mar 28, 2012)

Hello,

Sorry to hear you're a mess. One of the books that most helped me was Alice Domar's "Conquering Infertility". I've read literally tens of infertility books over the past few years and found this the best for when you're still in the middle of it all, in the middle of the treatments etc, it really gives you tools to work with. At least it did for me, so why not give it a try.
Good luck and I hope you'll feel better soon!

x


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## Daydreamer88 (Dec 19, 2012)

Hi Elli,

Yes I am the same unfortunately!! My DH said something similar, he said that he is just watching all this take peices of me away. I don't feel like myself anymore.

Don't apologise, like you say you need to get it off your chest and that is what this place and all us are here for     I really wish there was some advice I could give you to cope with it all but I am afraid I don't, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone  

Thank you muusa for the recommendation, I will be looking into that book

xxxx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

sometimes when I am angry I stop and think and realise how much I am at the mercy of my hormones. it doesn't help exactly since i'm still angry, but it does help me realise that the feeling will pass... (though obviously return!) 

reckon if your DH is suggesting a step back perhaps that is to give you a bit of a run-up when you smack him for being insensitive?

[email protected] men. 


only thing I can suggest is exercise maybe try long walks or something? when you are physically worn out it helps you sleep which helps you process stuff in your mind and that will help I reckon. Or loud singing/music. That can work. Or maybe a short run - something that helps shift the air in your lungs..


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## Seabob (Jun 15, 2012)

Elli, what helped me was hypnotherapy for 3 months this year, a woman called Sharon hall in Manchester, I could not have gone on without it. Try find someone near you it does really help.


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## Mooncat (Oct 26, 2012)

So angry. And bitter and jealous and sad... none of it feels nice. 

I certainly don't have any magic answers, I like the sound of the books suggested and think I'll look into that. Also agree about upbeat music and exercise lifting your mood. I'm terrible at running, but getting my headphones on and pounding the streets for half an hour is a great way to vent anger. 

For me, time out from treatment, doctors and ttc generally is important. Getting away even just for a couple of days usually perks me up. 

We're seeing the counsellor at our clinic, which certainly isn't a magical fix, but I think it helps a bit. This site is good too, knowing other people are in the same boat can be very comforting, and everyone's so lovely and supportive. 

Hope you're feeling a bit better today xxx


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

thank you all
I guess it just helps to know that i'm not alone in this madness... 
the emotions are so hard to fathom esp when 4 years ago i was such a chilled bunny!! 
xxxxx


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## MandyPandy (May 10, 2010)

Anger is a normal, healthy part of the grieving process.   It is absolutely natural to feel it.  I've had my fair share for sure.  Initially I didn't really cope very well but then found that exercise was my best outlet - that and a journal.

With the exercise, I would walk and walk and walk and walk - for hours at a time.  I would just put my headphones on and go.  I ended up getting pretty fast and the faster I got, the better I felt.  The good thing about it was that it also helped me maintain my weight through treatment.  I then started boxing which I could do in between treatment and which I found an absolute godsend!

I would highly recommend journal writing too - maybe set some time aside at least once a week to just pour out all your emotions?

...and of course, counselling.

Big, big hugs.

xxx


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## LittleL77 (Jul 14, 2012)

Like MandyPandy said, it is a normal part of the grieving process.  The only difference here is that the grief can be recurrent as the issue isn't very easily resolved. 

When a relationship ends or someone close to you passes away, that is the endpoint and the initial crisis passes and grieving eases with time and adjustment from that point.  In terms of fertility problems, there is just a constant cycle of emotions (hope, excitement, waiting, disappointment, hope again etc) and this has such a huge impact on day-to-day life that it can be hard to 'take your mind off it' even for a short while.  

It isn't quite the same for men. I had to explain to my DH that our struggles to conceive affected us both, but it wasn't him who was avoiding spending too much money on new clothes in case I did get pregnant; getting huge regrowth lines because hair dye might be bad for conception; 'treating myself' once a week to a cup of non-decaf tea; being the designated driver all the time because alcohol is banned when ttc; spending 2 weeks of every cycle depriving myself of anything potentially harmful to pregnancy just in case... 

If someone could promise you that it would happen one day for sure, you would be able to cope knowing that it would all be worth it in the end.  In some ways, it would be easier if someone could tell you that it definitely wouldn't ever happen because then at least you could start to move on.  It is the state of being in limbo that makes it impossible to 'cope' as people seem to think you should be able to.  However, for your own sanity you need to find some way of offloading all the angst so that you can find yourself again and enjoy life a bit.  This has to be on your terms though and not what other people think you should be doing.


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