# new and so very sad.



## potluck (Feb 12, 2008)

Hi to every one been reading these posts for a while now and have finally plucked up the courage.Ive just had my first icsi which sadly didnt get to transfer i started with a fsh of 9.2 &7-8 follies at  h/e then  they put me on a s/p of gonal f 450 &cetritide i think its called,then 2 injections of ovitrelle as trigger.I had e/c on wed by sedation which i found really relaxing & no after effects   ,i know that sounds weird but i was worried after my last 1,any way they got 6 eggs & called thurs & said 3 were imature & out of the other 3 left  only 1 fert & it only looked ok & maybe i could have a day 2 transfer but come friday morning they called 2 say there was no growth and no division at all.Why would this be? does it mean my eggs r no good now or just a bad batch ive got my follow up tmoro, which im sure they will say its your age.Im sorry to sound so neg but it just hurts so much when i think that i would never be able 2 have our own child.U know i keep trying 2 b positive a push all that pain 2 the back but its allways much harder when its raw.Im not sure how 2 put the stuff at the bottom of the page so ill do it here 4 now  .Im 41-42 in june dh-31 & a diamond. Weve been ttc 4 8 years had a nat bfp after 18 months but had a m/[email protected]&6 days truly heartbroken  untill we meet again.4 x clomid bfn 2 x iui bfn ivf nhs  barts 8 eggs 2 fert 2 lovely grade A embies sadly our babies did not make it.  .bfn .and of course our most recent icsi dh  is all good but because the low fert rate last time barts advised us to do icsi  @ h/e 1 fert no division  bfn. so i dont really know what to do now or where to go ? both my sisters have just offered to donate there eggs 2 me but 1 is 43 & the other is 45  i know they r older but both had no problem ttc 1 when 38  but i dont want to give up on my own eggs first (trust me 2 b the youngest).If i went that root woould they be accepted does any know ie age. The only person i really talk about this with is my dh i wished id have had the guts to join these boards a long time ago because ive felt so alone at times & only u girls & dp know the pain it brings ,its changed me so much as a person i used to be so happy and out going care free if only i could have handled it better .forgive for just talking on &on about me im not normally like that im a great listener but this is years of  isolation from talking about infertility. god how sad do i sound  ive just red (cant spell either) this back really i do like a laugh sometimes  .Any way id love to here from peeps &maybe ill get some sanity back bye for now love &luck  to u all  mistygirl xxx. ps we have 4


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## Empty2 (Aug 12, 2006)

Hi Mistygirl,

Hey I just wanted to send you a great big  !  It's crap isn't it!   You are right to get your feelings out there and realise you are not alone.  
Started my married life with a natural pregnancy and since that ectopic my fertility went down hill from that point on and I cannot believe now looking back where the last 111/2 yrs have gone.  See my profile     It is very hard to digest when you know you have got pregnant, I know.  We have had success with De's, but I then miscarry.  A wonderful friend has now offered to be our surrogate, something 11 years ago was alien to me but after years of 'trying' has become quite a normal phase in our ongoing treatment.

All I can say is be kind to yourselves, don't rush to any decisions straight away, and most of all talk to your partner to make absolutely sure you are both 'on the right page' -     yep sounds corny but it works! 

emps
x


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## potluck (Feb 12, 2008)

Hi emps thanks for youre reply, back to u  you have been through the mill so sorry for youre m/c s .Your right where does the time go ? i think ive had my head buried  4 a long time .How lovely of youre friend to be youre surrogate  ,this may be a silly ?  but at the bottom of youre profile it says that youre going to ukraine for surrogacy is it cheaper there or much more accepted do not many clinics do it here? i hope u get a   when u go m/apr let us know how u get on .My dh is my rock we r very happy &the best of friends so yes we talk a lot  &  over the years of course its been stressfull but it brings us tighter  together . Were going to try tcm before our next go &also check out other clinics but well c how tmro goes..mistygirlxx


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## Empty2 (Aug 12, 2006)

Hi mistygirl,

Good luck with your next tx.  Glad that it sounds like you have a great DH!  

It is acceptable for both, but it can be very difficult to get donors and surrogates here, although there are waiting list. We need both a donor and a surrogate, so as the body clock (maybe too old soon to be a mummy) is rolling we find that this is one way to try again.  It is quite easy to go abroad, and if you treat it like and adventure to a new country.....  

If you do go again in the UK, you should also shop around for your medication and not just let the clinic get it for you, there is a thread on buying you meds etc here on FF.  Every little helps! 

Will let you know how it goes, just had word that we start our meds next week!!!!!!!

emps
x


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Mistygirl, just wanted to send you a big    and say how sorry I was to near of your sad news. It's a   and so unfair this old ttc lark. 

I'm so glad you've decided to post though because we do know what you're going through and it really is good to talk. I hope you get some answers from your clinic. 

4   - how do you manage - we've got one very demanding    

Take care, 

Love, CG xxxx


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## potluck (Feb 12, 2008)

Hi emps thats a great way of lookingf at your tx & very exciting,
thanks for the info on d/e & surragacy  we may have to pick your brains on this in the not too distant future if our next tx dont work out.

Yeh i will shop around for meds we could nt believe the price, & were looking at others clinics too. There all really nice and the care is second to none but i dont really feel they have many people here  in my age ( ) ....

so your about to start meds   that great news, fingers crossed   and i hope the tx goes well & u get   keep in touch let us know how your getting on  mistygirlxx  lots of  


Hello cg
thanks for your reply yeh its a great site because everyone knows exactly what were going through and its so nice to be able to chat about it all .

Our clinic said poor quality eggs we could try again with my own eggs maybe it was a duff batch but then we should look in to d/e, i'm not ready to give up on my own eggs yet, we will cross that path when we come to it.

I see from your sig that youv'e been ttc for 15 years & about now your starting tx, you well & truly deserve a  so lots of   & good luck.

Love the pic of your  (he/she don't look the type)   yeh our 4 are good girls unless the weathers mad then we have 4 crazy   running round like its a race track .

hope to chat soon   mistygirlxx.


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## Kizzy161 (Jun 6, 2007)

Hi Misty,

I've also recently had treatment at Barts, none fertilised and like you, they said it was probably down to duff eggs so thought I'd say hello.

We're in the process of deciding where to go next and probably aiming for IVF with ICSI in June.  I found my follow up meeting at barts quite positive (it was with Mr Sabatini) (and the nurses were great throughout) but am pulled to try to find somewhere to better rates and I feel like I spent quite enough time in that waiting room with Jeremy Kyles brand of nasty small-mindedness flavouring procedings!

Have you got as far as deciding your next step yet?  It'd be good to hear what you decide to do, but good luck, whatever it is.

Karen x


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## potluck (Feb 12, 2008)

Hi karen      
            sorry to hear of your failed tx     it's sh't in it.....

I see you might go for icsi in june i hope this works for you both it's great the cons were so  with you that really helps the mind frame,is your if unexplained?

It's so hard isn't it, deciding where to go next !?
Do we give this clinic another go?
Is it all pot luck were ever we go ? 
I've read that( argc & lister) are good with us young " oldies "   i know that at the argc they can do lots of tests & it's more money but we said this year were putting our all in it so whatever it takes !


So no we haven't decided yet, we've thrown our selves back in to work as we let it slide while doing tx so not to get too stressed.
But i will get back onto it next wk & first of all sort out someone who does tcm .

Likewise let us know if you get any good vibes about a clinic & keep in touch , take care
          mistygirl xx


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## Kizzy161 (Jun 6, 2007)

We're looking at the London Fertility Centre, it's got success rates comparable to the Lister but not as good as ARGC.  
If you do go somewhere else, make sure you get a copy of your file notes from Barts, you have to request them in writing from Antoinette Flynn and send a cheque for £10, that way hopefully where ever you go will learn something from the failed cycle.
We've also decided that this year we're gonna give getting pregnant our best shot, and then .... 
It wouldn't be too bad if you knew it'd definitely work eventually, but you dont, and that's the hardest bit.You're right, it's s**t.  

Karen x


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## nanjane (Dec 5, 2007)

I just wanted to say - don't give up yet. My circumstances were almost identical to you - misscarrige and 10 years of trying. I too had ICSI and on the second go had nothing to implant. I was devastated and was in the process of debating whether to even try ICSi again at another clinic when a few months later by some miracle I then got pregnant naturally at Xmas and now have a lovely baby. I understand the pain you are going through and wish you all the luck in the world to get your dream.


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## potluck (Feb 12, 2008)

Hi Karen
            yeah thanks for that i did get copies of our notes from Barts & also if i leave Herts & Essex i'll get those too.

I phoned for info from ARGC & the waiting list is about 4-6 weeks, & some one pm me & said the ARGC is good but very strestfull you have to go for bloods every day ,they then went to lister & she said very good with older women & got a bfp.

I'll also have a look at the LFC do you know any one whose had tx there?


I know what you mean!!!!!  but if money wasn't a problem i'd go every 3 months for tx & surely the law of averages & all that.................................. then if it still didn't wrk i'd know we did everything we possibily could, &then go a different path (maybe  ) you know wouldn't it be nice to live a normal life  ?.


Any way your a spring chicken compared to me   & your icsi in june fingers crossed will hopefully give you a bfp.
    
I also just made an appointment with a lady for tcm she sounded very imformed about IF & uses herbs & said we need to work on my ovarian reserve & egg quality!
she also does cosmetic acupunture so hopefully i'll get myself a face lift too  
        
            Any way i'll let you know how i get on hope to speak soon.
                                            take care 
                                                          mistygirl xx

Hello nanjane
            thanks so much for your post its allways lovely to hear someone in a similiar position achieve the dream we all so want .
                      congratulations & all the best for the future.

Just a quick one did you happen to try any thing different before your natural bfp .
                              thanks again  mistygirl xx


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## shortie66 (Feb 6, 2008)

Hi there, do u mind if i join u oldies, there seem to be a few of us about! Me 41 dp 34 getting married july. 1 failed ivf, found out on valentines day it had not worked(great). Wasnt 2 bad with the result as had been having pains and knew what was coming.  Was ok till yesterday when i received a letter from clinic saying that i had had two excellent eggs transferred both grade 1 (1 four cell 1 five cell) but had unfortunately had a negative pregnancy test. THANKS FOR THAT LIKE I NEED U TO REMIND ME!!! Feel down and p***ed off today! Got wonky tubes, annovulatory and a mild bicornate uterus 2 boot.  But i am not giving up - no way. Gonna get me ovulation kit for just in case i do happen to release an egg one month and am gonna have sexy cuddles like mad for the next few months.  If it dont work at least i'll lose a load of weight and we'll have another go after the wedding.
Wish u all on here the best of luck    , and hope you dont mind me joining u all


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## potluck (Feb 12, 2008)

Hi  Slycett
        glad to have you join in!
So sorry your feeling down    get dp to give you lots of  & pampering. I know it's hard when you get a bfn but the   thing is you had 2 excellent embies   sadly it didn't work this  time( but) that's the spirit your not giving up. Is this your 1st tx? not sure, what's a bicornate uterus   ?.

 on your coming wedding , least that will keep you both busy &  take your mind of thing's for a while & make sure you have  lots of fun    .

        So good luck with everything  & speak to you soon  
                                        take care mistygirl xx


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## Kizzy161 (Jun 6, 2007)

Hello,

Just popping in to say Hi Slycett, come on in and ..... when's the wedding?  

Karen


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Mistygirl,

Glad to hear you're still keeping your options open and finding out as much as you can about other clinics. It's really important that you find a clinic you feel comfortable with. They all have different protocols etc so you may find you respond better next time around.    

Good luck with the chinese medicine and cosmetic acupuncture - let us know how you get on with it - we want before and after photos by the way   

Our cat's female by the way - what more can I say!! 

Slycett - sorry the letter made you feel   It's often a few weeks after a BFN that things really hit you. Sending you a big   Glad to hear you're not giving up - good luck with the   

Karen - good luck with your June tx.

Nanjane - lovely to hear that things worked out for you. It's a good incentive for the rest of us to keep trying.

CG xxxx


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## potluck (Feb 12, 2008)

Hi CG
  
i've also got a consultation booked now with the Lister the end of march, I'm excited but also nervous  .

Can't wait for me tcm to start this week .......  I wouldn't mind ,i dont even like needles ,let alone having them stuck in me face.    ( cosmetic  )  i'll only show photos if it takes 10 years of   .

Hey girl power 
                            good luck with d/r  & tx goes well.



Hi to everyone        mistygirl xx


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## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Hi Mistygirl,

Hope you're doing ok and the tcm is helping. Acupuncture and Fertility Friends are the 2 things that have kept me sane the last few years. If I ever get past the ttc acupuncture I'll have to ask for some cosmetic stuff - could definately do with knocking 10 years off! 

CG xxxx


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## potluck (Feb 12, 2008)

Hi CG

Well were see how it goes ,my second acu this week plus I got my herbs today & I have to take it 3 x a day   it makes me gag, but I found the acu relaxed me after I left. She said it's best to try for 2-3 months first before my next tx ,which to me makes sense even though times not on my side , but iv'e got to give the herbs ago to see if they make a difference to the quality of my eggs. She's a really nice  lady & knows all about IF from personal experience . 

How long have you been having acu ? have you tried the herbs? ...........  I know what you mean about ff it really does help .People make me laugh when they say (eh your lucky you dont have kids they age you so much)  maj dont know our situation. but I think the pain of IF is what can age you.  Any way on a lighter note ,  acu lady says i put some needles in your face with each tx cause you really dont need it .aawww  bless I told you she was a nice lady .     

                      hope all's going well with your tx Mg xx


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