# Thinking about a new future...adoption



## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Hello my dear friends.

I want to let you know that I will be taking some time away from the Moving On board.

Back in January DH and I made some tentative enquiries about adopting. We were not ready to be going down that route at all really, but had begun to consider it seriously as something to explore in the future as a way to channel our need to love someone else and nurture a child. We were also very concerned about the amount of time it might take, and thought we would get on the 'books' so to speak just in case. It turned out to be one of things that escalates without you intending and before we knew it a social worker was round here for a 3 hour interrogation!

I haven't mentioned it before now becuase the truth is I have been feeling very confused and painful about whole thing, and not sure I could even go through with it. 

For most of this year nothing has actually happened, we have just been waiting for the ball to start rolling, and this has been a very good thing really as we have had very mixed up feelings. We have been painfully conscious of adoption being a "different kettle of fish", of the need to adopt for the right reasons, and also have still been doing some very real grieving for our own children. A lot of this time I have spent swinging from hope, to feeling that I just did not want to do it, that we have been through enough ordeal already, we are just beginning to adjust to our life and future as a family of two etc etc.

I really went through such turmoil at times and have been feeling that I am still grieving, rather than adoption feeling a reality, which was why I continued visiting this board...I hope that is ok with you all.

However, we have now been told that at the end of Feb we will be sent on a preparation course, and I feel an increasing hope and positivity (and terror!). In order to make the best go of this I feel that I need to make a conscious effort to turn my mind away from the past and towards a new future. Its a new big adjustment and a new challenge, and means I won't be visiting here as much in the future.

A part of me will always, always belong here, struggling to understand what has happened, and to find new ways to rise to the constant challenges that are brought by the end of the dream of our own genetic children. No matter what happens I will always remember and love the children I couldn't have, and feel their loss. And I will never never ever forget the friendship, love , and support found on these threads. It will be missed.

As you have all been the most fantastic friends, and as I am very nosy I may pop in to check on you all once in a while, but really my intention is to try and withdraw so that I can focus on the next phase of this long journey.

This sounds very OTT but there really are no words to express......
HUGE love and thanks and hugs to all of you (and most especially to my lovely text-buddy...you know who you are!   )

Ermey
xxxxx


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## Megan10 (Jul 16, 2004)

Ermey honey,
How lovely that you came to tell us your news and how great that you have found your way of moving on. Loads of love and luck to you as you start the next chapter. 
You are a wonderful sensitive woman (as your post only goes to emphasise) and I have been so glad we got to share some times together, good and bad.
Take care 
MeganXXX


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## solitaire (Mar 26, 2007)

Hi Ermey,

What wonderful news! It is a huge step and involves lots of introspection, but you have obviously thought long and hard about it - any child will be very lucky to have you give them a new home and a better life.

I wish you lots of luck with the process - think about joining Adoption UK where you will get superb support, and feel free to pm me if you want to pick my brains about any of this. I hope you find the happiness you are searching for.

Love,
Solitaire
xxx


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

Ermey, good luck and keep me updated. I am so excited for you both but will also miss u.

LOL
Yx


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## cammomile (Nov 28, 2007)

ermey
lovely news  
I am really happy for you and understand everything you have said -  as I think you know, we are considering adoption too.
All the very best,
lots of love xxxxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Ermey my lovely!

I want to wish you the very best for this next stage of your journey, and can completely relate to all the thoughts and feelings you have had surrounding adoption!

It seems as if you have a very good handle on things and understand that its not all about you but about the needs of a vulnerable child. All I can say is, with your empathy, words of support and encouragement and your big heart, I think you will go a long, long way in life, no matter what you do.

There is an adoption forum on FF as well, the folks there are lovely. No doubt you have been nosing in there  I look in there occasionally too as there have been some folk from here who have emigrated over there.

So I'm ending this to you and deliberately not saying goodbye, because it isn't goodbye, its hello to new beginnings, and as Snoopy said to Woodstock 'goodbyes make my throat hurt, I need more hellos' LOL!

Heres to new beginnings and I sincerely hope you don't disappear (although I understand if you do). Three cheers to you and your DH!









Thank you for your love, support and friendship honey - keep in touch 

Tons of love
Emcee xxx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Dear Ermey,

I am so glad I came back here in time to see you off onto your new journey! You have been a great friend. I hope your new dream will bring you all you deserve and a happy family to the child who is just waiting for the love you are ready to give.  Bless you. 

All my love to a wonderful woman who I hope is a mother to be!

Jq xxx


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## coxy (Aug 4, 2005)

Hi Ermey
I have never posted on this thread but saw you post and wanted to reply.

I just want to say, that stick with the adoption, we have had a few teething problems when we started on this route, we initially went to the local authority, but a year after completing the prep courses we were still waiting to be allocated a sw, so with heavy hearts we decided to leave it for a while, then we found out about a private agency in another town and we went for an initial interview in Jan, attended prep classes in Oct/Nov and are now hopefully heading to panel in March.  I cant say it has been plain sailing with all the interogation etc, but its not been half as bad as i thought. I must admit i did have a few wobbles at the start thinking am i ready for this, but i definately feel ready now!

Its a journey, so enjoy it!

julia x


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Dear Ermey,
Thank you for all the support and friendship you've given me here. I know that adoption is by no means easy – and I wish you all the best. I hope you can settle in on an adoption board and find friendly people to help you on the next phase of your journey. Emcee is right - it's not goodbye - it's hello to new beginnnings and you know you will always be welcome to post here.
Lots of love,
Bernie xxx


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## brown (Oct 19, 2007)

All the best, wish I could be as brave as you.
Love from Suxx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Ermey and dh- the very best of luck on your new and hopefully exciting journey! I will miss you and all the advice you have given to me in the last while.  Take care xxxx


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## Guest (Dec 11, 2007)

Ermey, I just wanted to wish you lots of luck and love with your new path....I now you will make a perfect mommy!

I hope to join you on that path in the future, I just need a little time at the moment to grieve and when we feel ready we may catch you on that board


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

I wanted to wish you good forutune as you travel down this new road - I'd love to hear how things go.   xx


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