# coping with friends' news...even after your own bfp



## irishflower (Apr 13, 2012)

Hi all,

I have had my own good news recently after my first ivf cycle and several years of ttc before that. I believed the awful hurt and misery you feel when others announce their pregnancies would disappear when you get your own much-wanted news.

One of my closest friends who also knows about our treatment has told me today that she's pregnant and is delighted as our due dates are similar. What's awful is that I still have that nagging feeling of envy as she hasn't really had to try, has been smoking/drinking etc. Can't help but still feel a wee bit bitter about how easy some have it, which I feel awful about as she was very supportive throughout my treatment. Can't even tell my hubby as I don't think he'd understand now we also have our good news  

Do these feelings ever go?! Thanks for reading x


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## nikki76 (Feb 1, 2011)

Hi there 
Sorry in advance as its prob not what u want to hear but I was happy for the whole world once I got my BFP - however there r many women in ff who admitted they just can't get over the pain and still feel envious of natural bfps
All I'd say is that u r soooo lucky to b in this position, it'd be a shame to have negative and bitter feelings when u just started carrying ur lo inside. 
But again that's just my opinion and its good that u r reaching out on how u feel

Good luck with ur pregnancy xxx


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## barbster (Jan 26, 2012)

Hi Irishflower,

It is horrible to feel like this, but yes I do understand how you feel  

My oldest friend got pregnant with her second after one attempt at bms which was difficult and on a slightly different angle A work colleague had 2 failed IVF then changed clinics and got her BFP from Clomid treatment. We were pregnant at the same time but I had a miscarriage. She left for mat leave last week and while it sounds really bitter and twisted, I was really envious that she managed to continue her pregnancy whilst I lost mine and had to watch her bump getting bigger all the time and everyone talking about the pregnancy. I know that she also went through alot to get her BFP but I still felt the same even though I was very happy for her.

I feel very ashamed that I feel like this so don't beat yourself up about it, I guess it is a natural feeling. 

Congratulation on your BFP, hope you have a happy and healthy 9 months


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## juju81 (Nov 2, 2007)

Irishflower, totally know how you feel. I expect a lot more woman feel it too they just don't say it.  Just because you got your long awaited BFP, you feelings of bitterness don't just disappear. Mine have reared there ugly head and I already have one. And I know I'm extremely lucky to have him but it doesn't mean I don't get bitter still     


Your not alone and it's nothing to be ashamed of


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

Hi,

I can understand why you feel like this. 

I coped with my infertility quite well I think, but I found it harder when people at my baby groups were talking about TTC No 2 and I knew that we couldn't just decide when we wanted another one.  Many of them were shocked as it would happen the first month or trying and I would just congratulate them through gritted teeth!

You are not saying you are not happy for her, it is just how easily and quickly she got pregnant.  My friend has 3 daughters all conceived within 2 months of trying and another friend has 2 daughters conceived 2 weeks after the pill was stopped.

I love them both dearly, but as jealous as hell that it couldn't have been that easy for us.

Good luck and congratulations.

X


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## irishflower (Apr 13, 2012)

Thanks so much ladies, and for the good wishes. I was genuinely shocked to feel like that, and while it wasn't as strong an emotion as before when ttc, and didn't provoke tears like then, it was there all the same.  I am so grateful for our treatment having worked, of course I am, and I'm happy for her as I'd never want anyone I care about to experience difficulty, but there was still a slight  sting.

Anyway, thanks again for the replies, and best wishes to you all x


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