# Shiv's Little Bear



## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

I have submitted the first part of this on another thread but felt it was probably appropriate here too so please bear with me...

When our friends told us they were pregnant we were extremely jealous - I found it painful to think about even, we had been told we were infertile for 5 months and on waiting list for ICSI.

However a pain that went far deeper than that was yet to come. Our friend miscarried a baby boy, our godchild to be, Matthew, at 20 weeks. He was born and lived for an hour. I blamed myself in part for the miscarriage it was as if I had wished it to be. I hadn't of course. I think it must be far worse to lose a child than to never have had the opportunity to have one. I sought counselling for my grief about my babies that would never be and about baby Matthew, and came to the conclusion that it wasn't being pregnant that was important it was my desire to be a mum. We then progressed to adoption.

We were ably assisted by our friends who themselves have two adopted children and who had been there for us from the very beginning. They helped us when we felt scared off by the timescales or by the red tape and paperwork. We made our initial enquiry in November 2005. We went to our prep course in August 2006 and the homestudy was November - December 2006. We went to Panel in February 2007 and we were linked in June 2007 but Little Bear wasn't matched at panel until November 7th 2007. He came home a week later. 

Just to be awkward my husband was testing his vocation to the ordained ministry in the Church of England. That is the official way of saying that he felt he should be a vicar. This is a very long process as well and involves a lot of testing and interviews. This also meant that between being linked with little bear and being matched we had to move to a college so that he could start training! However all went well and his training and Little Bear's settling all fitted beautifully together like they were meant to happen at these times! 

November 2005 seems so long ago. On Christmas eve 2006 our friend gave birth to our God daughter Alexandra and in November 2007 our beautiful little boy came to live with us. He is everything to us - absolutely everything.

On 20th August 2008 we all went to court. Little Bear is legally ours! It's a fabulous feeling. 

Last sunday 14th september we had him baptised in our home church in front of our friends and family. It was a wonderful and emotional day. Our gorgeous god-daughter abd our gorgeous son get on like a house on fire and love to play together. It really makes me soppy to see them holding hands and having cuddles! 

So until the next one we are Social Services free - hooray!


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

shivster said:


> Just to be awkward my husband was testing his vocation to the ordained ministry in the Church of England. That is the official way of saying that he felt he should be a vicar.


I've been following your story, and am glad you've found your happy ending. I pulled out this quote of yours because it made me smile - my husband is training for the ordained ministry in the church of scotland! He finishes in December and we move to our first parish next january which is stressing me out adoption wise but we know it'll all work out just the way it's meant to! 

Bx


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## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

It certainly made life interesting for us. Getting the college to accomodate us and 1 child who was not yet living with us but neither was I pregnant caused logistical probs although they have been very supportive since Little Bear arrived! 

 

Hope all goes well for you. We have a year and three quarters left so we wont be released on a parish until August 2009.


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Shivster what a lovely story.

I can sympathise with you about how you felt over your friends miscarriage and little Matthew.  You are not to blame!!  I felt the same when friends of ours announced they were expecting, it seemed to happen so quickly for them & we were going through the adoption process at the time, nearly at panel when our friends announced this news.

I felt really excited that this was the right move for us but I could not help feel jealous of them having something that I thought I would never have..........a baby.

My friend went into labour, full term and the baby lived for 6 days.  Heather died peacefully in her mothers arms.

I felt racked with guilt......why...........we had been to panel and been matched with our DS & in cruel twist of fate we were going to get our child before them.  I could not tell my firend but had to that we had been matched and she was so pleased for us and I felt guilty for being jealous of her when now she had nothing to show for the 9 months of carrying her precious little girl.

Like you are friends went onto have another beautiful little baby girl who we are also god parents to.

Your story is like so many of ours on here and its wonderful that you took the time to share this with us.

i am a grate believer in fate and believe things are meant to happen for what ever reasons.........i am so happy that so many of us have found the true happiness to what can seem a empty life without children.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## radams1 (Aug 10, 2011)

Just read your ur story and it's truly heartwarming. We're at the very beginnings of this chapter, so it's refreshing to read stories like ur's. Only confirms our desire to provide underprivileged children with a warm and loving forever home, so ty sharing. Xxx


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