# Has anyone traced their LO's BF's on ********? Also dilemma with GP's



## everhopeful

Hi there
Wondered if anyone else had googled their child's birth parents names or searched for them on ********? 
Maybe you're not all as barmy as me!!  

Well, I'd been so reluctant to join ******** and only really did so recently because I was curious about what the fuss was all about. Needless to say, I am now hooked to the ruddy thing, and wish I'd never started on it!   But I am very careful and concious about my identity and knowing what people can see and read about me. I have no photos and I never mention my children's names. And everyone I am close to, know that if they have photos of my children, they must not post them on the web at all.
So hopefully I'm being as careful as I can in usuing ********.

But a few weeks ago, I did search for birthmum's name and found her. I have seen her full profile and read some disturbing things on her "wall".  It seems that she sees my DD1 very much still as her child and talks about her openly. It shocked me to be honest, but then I guess someone who's lost a child through death would still mention them and happily talk about them. But this is wierd in the slightest. And anyone who is on her friends list who isn't so close to her that they know all about the circumstances must surely be asking questions surrounding my DD's name, and who she is and where she is etc.
It did freak me out if I'm honest, but at the same time I am pleased I have found her because I can keep one step ahead of SS regarding information. She seems to talk openly about every aspect of her life, so I am assuming that me keeping an eye on her profile every now and again, I will be probably know before SS if she moves addresses again, or God forbid, she's spotted me somewhere!

She now lives extemely close to me, although she is unaware of this. And at the moment we have a real dilemma going on. It seems that her and her family could now be registered at the same GP's as me and my family. But without knowing for certain, I can't switch doctors until I know for sure where she definately is. And I know asking docs wont get me anywhere. I assume I will draw a blank by asking them as it's all confidential. Has anyone had similar happen, and how have you dealt with it?

PM me if easier to explain and offer advice.

Many thanks


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## cindyp

Ever, what a difficult situation for you.  I hardly use ******** and have no photos on there.  My sleep deprived brain is like mush so I can't remember who said that they saw photos of their children on the site that the BF had posted.  I remember Dawny being shocked when her BF posted photos in the local paper.

It was after I read that post that I decided to have a search on ******** for both BM's.  I didn't find DS's BM but I think I found DD's BM which was interesting because we have few details and no photos of her so it was my first view athough it wasn't the clearest of photos.  I would have been interested to see more but thought you couldn't read a wall unless you were a friend?  I left it at just looking at her photo.

I'm afraid it's a dilemma I can't really help you with.  DS's BM has moved closer to us but not so close as that.  You could approach SS for advice but then you have to be careful in letting them know how you got the information that she had moved closer.  I do find the whole thing a bit irritating to be honest, you think that SS would point out to us adopters when the BF are likely to be in the same area as us but they don't.  Do you have After Adoption support in your area, could you approach them about your concerns?  Howabout BAAF?  Adoption UK have a helpline are you a member?

I wish I could offer more than a   although I have to admit I wouldn't want to be in your situation and wish you the best of luck in resolving this.

Cindy


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## everhopeful

Thanks Cindy

Actually I didnt realise that it is possible to see someone's full profile unless they are a "friend" but I accidently found that it clearly is!
I'd found BM's name and list of friends and thought that was it. When I mentioned to someone else I'd found her, they couldn't believe it, and so had a look themselves. Only to come back to me saying she'd seen her wall and all her photos. I was gobsmacked. When we discussed the differences between my account and my friend's account, we realised she was on a network (the same as BM) and I wasn't on any networks and therefore I was unable to view it. Since Ive added the same network to my account, I can now view anyone's profile who hasn't put security measures in place. So if you could work out which network your BP is likely to be in, you can change yours to the same. Be careful though, because if you try and change more than twice it locks that facility for 60days I think. 
I didnt find out that our BM is close by via ********. No, SS told us that part. It was only my suspicion of which docs they are at, that was confirmed (by a sighting!) last week. It's definately getting too close for comfort. 
SS have asked if I'd think about changing GP's, well quite frankly I think why should we have to?!

I'll let you know how I get on with speaking to SS again and the GP surgery

Thanks again
x


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## ♥ M J ♥

Hi Ever

How scary for you about ** and the GP thing- maybe you could ask that when you need to get appointment for DD it comes under your name and not DD (if i am thinking right your DD has an unusal 1st name - as does my DD) so when called through to the room its your name said/shown in the wiating room.

Ref **- if you dont lock your settings to show your info to only friends accepted then anyone can see it even if not on a network as a friend on mine has been able to read/view everything on my SIL and nieces accounts and have told them both however dont seemed bothered (both only 21!)

I do search for my 2's birth parents ect however not found any on ** - i am very careful on ** as i go by the name they know (its a shorterned version of my "real" name) and our 2's SW made a massive slip up and told them our surname!!!!! my ** account is locked and EVERYONE knows they cant post and tag me in pics (a few pics on my 2 are on ** on others accounts however no names on them) and also not to say my 2's names on their either.

xxxx


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## everhopeful

Thanks MJ

It's nice to know other mums are as cautious as me when it comes to their children's identities. 
I guess I've got comfortable and confident in my role as a mum over the years and the sudden thought that someone could try to poison that, makes my blood boil!
My MIL has always seemed more concerned about DD having a relationship with her biological grandparents in the future, than my real fear of birthmum turning up and upsetting our lives. I was nervous last week at the thought of telling her about this close encounter with birth grandmother in the doctors, and yet when I did, she was all very matter of fact about it and didnt at all seem concerned. Which did surprise me. From the outside looking in, people will say "well they can't actually do anything, can they?" - meaning the birthfamily if we are discovered. And yes, I agree legally they can't do anything, but that doesn't stop the anxiety of it happening, does it? 
I always tell my husband that he'd know my fear if it were the birthfather potentially out there looking, and he'd feel threatened as DD's daddy. I don't mean physically, but emotionally.
I can almost feel this battle inside me already, defending my relationship with DD versus birthmum's relationship. I didnt imagine we'd have to even think about these things until she's a teenager and possibly an adult.

Anyway, thanks for your support. I am going to put a couple of blocks on ******** just to be certain!!

x


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## saphy75

I found both my ds bp's on face book, i haven't looked on their profiles for a while but i've never seen any mention of ds from either of them !

pam xx


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## dawny36

Hi Ever,

I traced BM on ** but couldnt access her full profile I did notice however that she had a picture of my little one in her profile pic when she had just given birth I was quite upset at the time but have now been able to put it in perspective they have no up to date pics of my little one we have changed her name (well dropped the double barrell bit and the spelling of it) and they have no clue where we live or our names so I am not unduly concerned of them tracing us, I therefore do post piccies and make reference to my little on ** if I thought there was any risk i wouldnt do it I have security settings in place.  I would like to sneak at peak at BM profile but she has security settings in place and is on a different network so I have no chance really.

We contacted SS with regards the photo and they changed the photo and apologised profusely!

Sorry to hear your dilemma with gps and hope you can sort it.

Dawny
xx


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## Ruthiebabe

Hi,

i hope this doesn't freak you out, but does the birth mum know your name? I could be wrong here but my understanding is that if you look at someones profile, ******** can "suggest" to that person that they become your friend. If you have protected access they'll obviously only be able to see profile pic and name, maybe if you have your general location on there??

The reason i think this is i've had friends "suggest" other friends to me, thats fine obviously. But I've had a work colleague from argentina who must have looked me up on ********, and she was then suggested as a friend to me by ******** (righthandside of home page). I don't have any friends in common with her, and am not in any of the same networks as her. Often they are people who are friends of friends but this time it must have been because she was trying to look at my profile.

maybe login in as a pseudoname if you want to look??

cheer,s
ruth


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## saphy75

> maybe login in as a pseudoname if you want to look??


that's what i did - meet tom--jones lmao  

pam xx


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## everhopeful

Hi  
Birthmum knows my first name, and nothing more. She doesn't know where we live (so far) and I don't have any locations on my profile. I don't have a photo of me anywhere on my profile, just incase she manages to come across me.
I have been searching her name every other day or so, just to check she hasn't added any friends that are mutual with me! Now that would freak me out!!
As far as I can tell, when you get a suggestion of adding a friend, it's always someone on my friends' lists. So as long as we dont have any friends in common that shouldn't occur.

I will look into going undercover and spying that way!!


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## everhopeful

Pam
Ive sent you a PM  

x


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## saphy75

have pm'd you back   hope it helps 

pam xx


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## Ruthiebabe

ok that's good, but what i was saying was that the person who was suggested to me isn't on any of my friends lists of friends, she just visited my website.

but as you have no info on there should be fine!
xxruthie


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## everhopeful

Thanks Ruthie

I have got a friend of mine who isnt on ******** at all, to search me up on there and tell me what she can see and access! And thankfully, she says that I have nothing on show other than my name and my friends list! Phew!

I will keep an eye on the situation though, thank you
x


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## superal

I hadn't even thought about this until you posted this message and then i just had to try!!!!!!!

i couldn't fine anything oaut about my childrens BPS which to be honest I don't know if i was dissapointed or plaeased about!!


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## Pooh bears mummy

Hi

Yes  I have found poohbears BM on ******** and can see her profile as none is private. I love ** and have lots of pics info etc on there but it is all private so only my friends an see it. Nothing on pinkys BFamily. I do like to be able to know a bit about them, but maybe Iam just nosey lol!

PBMx


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## everhopeful

Hi ladies
Just browsing through ** on a boring Sunday night and came across the FF group and wondered if any of you are on there, and if any of you are each other's ** "friends" ?

Seems a shame to be able to share such support on here under our alias names, and not become real "friends" and chat about everyday issues on ** as the real people we are!

Just a thought



PS PBM - I do have your surname from a previous email you once sent me, but there seems to be a few of you on **, and daren't take a chance of guessing what your profile pic looks like!!


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## Suzie

Hiya
I will pm you my full name so you can find me on ** 
X


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## dawny36

Hi Ever,

I will pm you my name Im a massive fan of ******** lol

Dawny
x


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## daisyboo

Hi glad i am not the only one to do this, it did freak me out a bit when i found them x


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