# Patronising GP



## JustJude78 (Nov 19, 2011)

Hi,

Sorry just need to vent my frustration, I went to see my GP today to be referred to a hospital for IUI treatment, first of all she hadn't got a clue what that was and then didn't know if it was the practices policy to refer single women for fertilty treatment so has to check. She obviously asked me why I had chosen to go down this route and I told her mr right hadn't shown up yet and I want to try to become a mom before it is too late. 

All I received from her was how i could meet single men (go out with my friends, join a gym etc) no helpful advice as to what she could do for me, she got me so annoyed and frustrated that I burst into tears. I didn't expect her to be overjoyed at my decision but a little support and understanding would have been helpful!

She almost put me off the idea altogether but then I realised she has just made me more determined.

She made me book an appointment for next week to talk about my emotions!!

Sorry for venting on here she just made me so mad and frustrated.

Has anyone else experienced less than helpful GP's or is it just mine?


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## Tommi (Jun 22, 2011)

So, so sorry to hear you had to go through this.   Sorry this is so brief but I didn't want to read and run. I am fortunate in having a really supportive GP and he asks me to keep him up to date with everything, which I do. My appointments with him are often 30 mins or more and that ongoing support is invaluable on this journey. My advice to you is to change your GP because your GP won't change. You will need someone supportive in that role and she is not only ignorant about the facts but about the emotional path you're on too. I'd see that as dangerously unsupportive. Just my view, but I really feel you will need more support than that. There are good GPs out there but she doesn't sound like one of them.
I really hope things work out for you. You're bound to feel emotional. Everyone on here will agree.
Good luck!  
Txx


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## Mee Mee (Jun 24, 2010)

Sorry to hear your GP has been less than helpful.  Please don't give up! I feel that I may not be in the situation I am in now if I had been stronger (& more knowledgable) when I was younger. I was dismissed over a number of years and told my extremely painful periods (passing out & vomiting) was normal by at least 3 doctors at my practice. It's strange now that I am getting lots of support from GP  

Are there any other GPs at practice? If not get as much information you can and bombard GP. I go in with a list now and doctor has agreed to everything I have asked for!

Good luck x


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## cmonbaby1 (Oct 24, 2009)

Gggrr.. bloomin' cheek!  Sorry to hear you had to go through that.  No, your GP is not the only one.  I had a similar conversation with a GP I met.  My first (and only) appt with him was to discuss my thyroid problems (I was keen to get my dosage increased as I knew I had to get my TSH levels down for fertility reasons).  Anyway, he was equally as patronising as yours and was asking my why I didn't just give up trying to get pregnant, maybe it just wasn't meant to be, I should start to focus on something else, etc., etc., (of course  he was sitting with photos of his children, their paintings, etc. on his desk).  I thought - bloody cheek - he's no idea how I feel and at the end of the day, it's my body and my money - so it's up to me to decide when to give up - not him!!  I was furious, but like you really struggled to fight back the tears.  It's such an emotional journey anyway, we need support, not people patronising or dictating their thoughts to us when it is absolutely none of their business. 

Anyway, needless to say I made a point of requesting other GPs in the practice after that and I'm happy to say that through my perseverence (and tons and tons of my own research - which I sometimes took along to appts. with me), I'm now 33 weeks pregnant.  It's a shame but a lot of the time you need to stick to your guns, take along your own research, etc. as they are 'general practitioners' and not fertility specialists.

Keep your chin up - wishing you all the luck in the world and your dreams come true soon.    xx


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## Rose39 (Dec 9, 2007)

JustJude - I switched GP practice after I had a particularly negative experience with a GP where I felt very patronised. Unfortunately it seems to be quite common with single women who want to have fertility treatment. 

Do you need your GP to refer you? I referred myself to the clinics where I had treatment and only involved my new GP when I was pregnant! It does mean that you have to pay for your initial tests, but it was so much less hassle for me.

In terms of your appointment to discuss your emotions - the cheek of it! - just treat it as a free counselling session and an opportunity to educate your GP! Just to flag, some clinics do ask you to see their counsellor before starting treatment so that they can be confident that you've thought through the implications of having treatment using a donor.

If your GP does become a stumbling block then it would be worth considering a clinic where you can self-refer. 

Good luck!

Rose xx


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## MistyLake (Jul 7, 2008)

Hi,
My initial Gp x 2 was so rude that I changed practices. I am a GP myself just to put that response into an even more interesting context. You find some clinics or consultants who do not insist on a referral letter. 
ML x


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## Grace10704 (Aug 7, 2008)

You are so not alone in this!!! My GP just looked at me with pity & said "do you know how hard it is to be a mother" -at which I looked back with equal pity & said "well of course I do but if we avoid everything that is hard we would never do anything".  As others have said you don't need a GP referral for loads of clinics as you can self refer.  Ask for an appointment with a different GP in the practice once you have worked out the list of blood tests you need & ask them to authorise them - and if I was you I would cancel the appointment to talk about emotions & just get on with it with the support of the wonderful women on here!


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

i never even went to my GP and self referred myself to  private clinics at least 8 different ones in London and abroad - why bother with a GP when you can don't need a referral with them and she only upset you! 
Don't let the GP upset you hun

L


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## kizzi79 (Jan 9, 2009)

Hi Justjude - this was exactly the same response I got from my GP - she recommended I go speed dating or internet dating!!!!!!    - you have to wonder....

Good luck, love Krissi xx


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## Tommi (Jun 22, 2011)

Krissi... a consultant said to me "you don't need to do this, you'll meet someone" which I thought was pretty rubbish. I told him I want a baby not a partner. Some seem to think that a woman would never choose to do this. Always makes me smile!


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## caramac (Mar 21, 2010)

Sorry to hear you had a rubbish GP. I didn't even bother to go to mine when I started trying as I knew it was unlikely I'd get much done on the NHS being single. I did get my blood taken by the nurse and asked them to run a set of fertility tests on it, which they said I'd have to pay for as I was going to be having treatment privately. But the results were never sent to me and neither was a bill...and then I started on treatment anyway!


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## Chowy (Apr 12, 2008)

I wonder how the GP would have reacted if you had said 'I want a baby and am going to go out tonight, have a one night stand with a man, unprotected and my unborn baby and I could both end up with STI's and the problems that these could lead to'.  You are choosing to go down a responsible route where both parties are STI tested, you have counselling prior to treatment and you have researched this route not just simply dreamed up the idea overnight.  Please dont give up because of this one GP as you can see others have had the same problems.  I suppose I was lucky as I didnt have to go through my GP as I was under a consultant already for my endometriosis, he knew how much I wanted a baby and he did the referral to his colleague at the same hospital.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on.

Sending   and lots of      

Chowy and Pup xx


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## morrigan (Dec 8, 2009)

Mmm since when do GPs offer dating advice - you can get that on the NHS !!! I would either see what second appointment brings or change GPs- I had the most fantastic GP but i would often wait weeks for appointment with her rather than someone else in the practice-she was mega supportive rang me up when i finally got my BFP and after my LO was born to congraulate me - compare this to another GP in the practice who when i went to see him when i got diagnosed with a clotting disorder just said i dont know anything about it when i explained i was about to do an IVF cycle he asked me if i was pregnant ! and i had to suggest to him that he should refer me to a haemotologist for blood problems not a gynaecologist. this demonstrates how attitude and aptitude can change within the practice- not as much as mistylakes post does though !!!

I was referred to the gynae after a year of tx (same rules as couples) but the PCT wouldnt fund me and to be honest it was a waste of time anyway.

You stick to your guns - dont turn down emotional support though -could come in handy !


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

That's a real shame - my GP is a star - she's been so supportive, granting sick leave when on the 2WW and gave me a massive hug when I mc .. Am one of the lucky ones.


    I'd probable be more inclined to follow JJ's advice and self refer.     


Mini xx


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## silverbird (Aug 8, 2011)

I wrote a reply earlier that never showed.  My Gp is supportive but I sent off a hair sample for testing by foresight and simply wrote N/A donnor sperm on the male side.  I called to ask some questions about the results and the Lady who runs it started lecturing me on how I could find a husband through internet dating like her son found a wife! What an assumption that donnor sperm means single women, I wish I'd said "My husband (or wife) wouldn't like that!".  I mean if I can find your sight online I can find a dating sight if I want!


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

Just wanted to post a GRRRRRRR...so sorry you have come up against a non supportive GP. Hope you can find one that is a bit better.
Xxxx


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## liswaiting (Nov 2, 2011)

When I told my GP I wanted to get pregnant she was full of advice until I told her I was single at which point she turned away and didn't make eye-contact with me for the rest of the appointment! I left feeling about 3 inches tall.  I had to go back to see her this month as I need an FSH test and an HSG and she was really good, asked me lots of questions checked my folate levels and everything.

Fingers crossed your GP was just caught off guard and may be he/she will go away reflect and decide they could've handled that better. 

If you go to your next appointment and your GP is still   then find another one.


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## JustJude78 (Nov 19, 2011)

Hi Everyone,

Thank you so much for the lovely replies, I am so pleased I found this site. I am feeling much better about it all now but don't think I could do it without the support on here.

I think I will see how the appointment on Thursday goes and if I still get the same response from her forget the GP route and refer myself. I can see other GP's at my practice but I am now scared if I go to someone new I will get the same response.

I suppose it must be a bit of a shock to GP's when you say you want to go it alone but getting dating advice from my GP is the last thing I expected.

There is no way I will let her make me give up (it will take much more than that).

Thanks again, you are all amazing!



xxx


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## OneStepAtATime (Sep 14, 2008)

Hi JustJude
I was a bit late seeing this and you've already had lots of useful replies. 

For what it's worth, my GP has slowly changed during the years (!) since I first went to her to say about my plans. When I told her on Monday that I would like to try for a 2nd one she couldn't have been more supportive!! The practice is in a rough area and I think her experience with most single mothers there is totally different - so her first reaction all those years ago was not terribly positive (though not as outright negative as your one).  

At one appointment about something different a couple of years ago, she even asked me lots of questions about obtaining donor sperm because she was advising someone else but didn't know much about it (and I went through a clinic outside the UK to get it). 

I hope you find a way round this or that you get a decent response on Thursday.

Best of luck to you
Onestep


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## JustJude78 (Nov 19, 2011)

Just thought I let you all know what happened when I saw the GP again, she was a totally different person and just said she would do the referral as I had originally asked her to do    No mention of dating this time ha ha.

Still waiting for the referral letter though then I can finally begin my journey.

Thanks again for all of the replies and good luck to everyone trying to conceive.

xxx


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## Rose39 (Dec 9, 2007)

JustJude - fantastic news! 

Rose xx


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