# FF virgin!



## Panda power (May 2, 2011)

Hi all,

I have never joined a forum before and am a bit nervous but felt I needed to contact people in a similar position to me as have felt so down   and alone today.  Started DR on 14th April and went for blood test yesterday.  Hosp said they r v busy at the mo so I am to start stims on fri.  Just fell like this is our one go on the nhs and that it revolves around how bust they r and not around my body. DH is v supportive but I do feel lonely as all friends are pregnant or have had 2 children with no problem.  Told we had unexplained infertility so just feel like a failure to myself, DH and our parents.

Hope I can find some comfort and support here.

Big hugs to all.   

Panda power xxxxxxxx


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## Wraakgodin (Jun 17, 2006)

to FF, Panda Power!!! This is a great website for support, information, laughter and friendship, it has kept me (relatively!) sane though all my treatment. Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help you. No need to be nervous.

I know what you mean, I have so many friends and family members that have children and it really upset me to see all those happy families. When I had to tell work that I was having treatment 3 of my colleagues also confided in me that they had had treatment. Fertility problems are still a bit of a taboo subject, there are so many people who are suffering but no one talks about it.

We have been "diagnosed" as unexplained and used to feel like I was a failure, but after a lot of convincing from DH I came to realise that it isn´t something I can do anything about, my body just doesn´t work the way it is supposed to, it isn´t my fault, there is nothing I can do to change it, it is just one of those things - unfortunately. It took time but I slowly stopped feeling guilty or blaming myself.

What clinic are you with? If you look on the main forum index you will find location boards. You can find others in your area, and even people going to the same clinic who will be able to give you more advice on how your clinic works. I am not even based in the UK so I can´t offer much advice.

Here are a couple of links that I think might help you.

IVF General chat ~ CLICK HERE

Keep a diary of your treatment (or read the experiences of others) ~ CLICK HERE

The What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) thread will give you some info on how to navigate the site ~ CLICK HERE

Unexplained ~CLICK HERE

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support, information and cyber hugs if you need it. We go through all the highs and lows of treatment together.

Good luck!        

Sue


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## Totoro (Mar 24, 2011)

Hi *Panda Power* <-- love the name!

Don't be nervous, we're all very friendly and all in very similar situations 
I'm sorry you feel down and alone, let's hope FF helps! I'm always up for private messages etc, whenever you need to talk; even about unrelated random things  I know how hard it can be when everyone around you seems to get pregnant the minute they decide to 

You are in NO way a failure to anyone - especially DH! If it's unexplained infertility then there's no proof which of you is struggling. I'm glad DH supports you, lean on him and keep talking to each other. This journey isn't easy but you're in it together 

We are having close cycles, I'm due to start stimming on Thursday (fingers crossed), although my clinic is very busy too! We can hold each others hands  

I hope you feel a bit better today


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## Mo80 (May 5, 2007)

Hi PandaPower,


Just wanted to say hello and welcome.  I like you had never joined any forums but felt I needed to speak to other in the same situation and ask all those questions that sound silly to other people and just find some warmth and reassurance, and I can assure you this is on FF in bundles its such a great place for all your questions and even if you just need to off load, by no means are you a failure, it takes a strong person to start on the fertility rollercoaster,


take care and keep positive.


Big Hugs 


Mo


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## Karen_S (Feb 17, 2011)

HI PandaPOwer,

Another welcome to you and best of luck with your cycle. 
The threads here are an unbelievable support and will really help keep you sane and supported during your journey.
I also hadn't been an forum user before FF, and I'm really glad I joined. It lifted my mood on many occasions during my first cycle.

The loneliness you're feeling is perfectly normal. It's very hard to have people around you (especially close family and friends) with babies and families and you just want to cry. It seems like every couple can just "look at each other" and get pregnant. why can't we? But you are not alone. There are so many of us going through the same emotional upheavals.

Look at it this way: You are NOT a failure. Unexplained fertility simply means that there are no major medical issues that are preventing you getting pregnant. Go with that, and believe that your body is ready and able to do this, and that it will happen. There's no reason why it shouldn't.

Just some suggestions - check out extra vitamin supplements that you could be taking to assist your uterus, ovaries etc etc. There's a thread somewhere on the homepage of FF just for this sort of thing.
Also, I can highly recommend getting the IVF CD from Natal Hypnotherapy, made especially for women going through this process. It really kept me calm and prepared. It was very soothing and helped me visualise the process before it happened. I'll be starting to use it again in the next couple of weeks.

Panda and Totoro, You are moving into the exciting part of this process, and as Mo80 said - stay positive and look after yourselves. 
Best of luck to you both and I hope to see a couple of BFP's very soon.   

Keep smiling and stay hopeful,
Karen


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## ekitten1 (Dec 18, 2009)

Hi pandapower,


Welcome to FF, I was like you when I joined. Was struggling to understand what can be the confusing, lonely world of IVF. I didn't know how to jump in as am normally a very private person and don't post on forums.


However, the ladies on the site soon made me feel at home.


I cannot thank my FF's enough for the support and friendship they have given me during what has been the most traumatic and difficult time of my life and I have made some very good friends who I will no doubt keep contact with.


The amazing thing about this site is that whilst the other ladies are going through tough times themselves, they still 'give' so much to others.


Unfortunately, I have just had a negative result for my first cycle of ICSI and am heartbroken but the friends I have made here have helped me get through it and I honestly couldn't have done it without them.


I found my experiences with the NHS awful so had to go to a private clinic (I was privately funding anyhow). Hopefully your clinic will be supportive but if they aren't, then you will find that theres always someone on here who can answer your questions or just give the understanding that you need.


Good luck with your treatment, try to keep positive and above all else, talk to your partner and those who support you and be honest about your feelings, that way they can support you when you need it.


Look forward to seeing you around the boards xxx


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## munchkin35 (Jan 21, 2011)

Hi Panda power,
                          Welcome to FF, I have also find this forum to provide great support and comfort, (no matter how I'm feeling).

We have unexplained infertility also, which in itself is very frustrating, as according to all the tests there is no reason why I shouldn't be able to get pregnant. But here we are four and a half years down the line and still no baby!! I feel that there must be something wrong somewhere, maybe at a micro level as everything else does exactly what its supposed to except the getting pregnant part!!

I can totally understand how u feel when you say u feel like a failure, as I feel exactly the same, I am the only one out of my brothers and sister who can give my parents grandchildren, so feel a lot of pressure - especially as I haven't been able to!

You are not a failure, I know it feels like that but you are not!! 
I really hope your dream will come true       and wish you all the luck in the world with all your treatment, take care


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## Karen_S (Feb 17, 2011)

Hi Munchkin,
That sounds like an awful lot of pressure that you are the only one who can provide grandchildren. But remember, you're really doing this for you and your DH, and for no-one else. It will be your family unit when your bundle-of-joy finally arrives and just keep focused on that.

Is your family being supportive too? Often in amongst all the well-meaning support, they may not really understand what this feels like, adn without intention, can say the wrong things at times.
My own mother doesn't even know about my infertility. We lost my younger brother about 3 years ago, and since that time my mum has been totally distraught. My Dad knows about my last cycle (parents are divorced BTW), and despite the kind words etc I think he is desperate to be a grandfather and also to possibly replace the son he lost.

It's a confusing and emotional roller-coaster.

Hang in there and good luck with your treatment and stay positive.


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## Panda power (May 2, 2011)

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the great welcome and reassuring words.  I am truly on a roller coaster of emotions.  Think DH is finding it hard as whenever we talk about it he just says I am doing well but he doesn't verbenas it feels like inside, and I know that it not his fault.  

I am glad that you are on similar timings totoro as it is nice to know there is someone who will understand what is going on at around the same time.  I start stims tomorrow at 6pm! How did your first one go today? 

Thanks to to ekitten1 as we have already discussed where to go if the nhs experience doesn't work but we felt we had to give our one nhs try a shot, especially when we have paid in all our lives and never used it before. I just wish the level of care was more consistent as they must know how important the process is to us.

Hi to to munchkin, Karen s and mo80, it means a lot to receive your messages and kind words.  Sorry to hear about your experiences.  I have told a few friends but said I dont want to discuss details and mum is being good but dad doesn't know what to say. My dads favourite one is that he wishes he could buy us a baby! If only it were that easy! I think maybe we put pressure on ourselves that is unnecessary and that sometimes we need to be more selfish.

I am sending lots of positive vibes.  Looking forward to more chats.

Big hugs and panda love   xxx

Ps I have tried to add a panda avatar for myself but can't get it to work. I would love a cute pic to go with my profile, any tips would be appreciated


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## Karen_S (Feb 17, 2011)

Hi Panda,
Given that I'm totally technologically challenged, I have no clue how to get a panda picture. Sorry.

More importantly, best of luck with the start of your stimming. I was nervous with the first one and DH had to jab me- actually only felt a little prick and it was over. Did it myself after that.
I was using Puregon, which is pen-like injection , not sure what you're going to use. The needle was extremely fine and really caused no great discomfort at all.
If you have the option - I found jabbing in my abdomen, just under the belly button was the easiest, but I'm sure your doctor has told you all that.

Anyway, I'm excited for you - this is the start of the best part of the journey. It's getting more real now. May you have lots of top-class eggs!
Fingers crossed


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## Totoro (Mar 24, 2011)

*Hi Panda Power!* I'm not enjoying the injector pen with my stims! I thought it would be easier than with a syringe, which is how I do my down regging, but no, the pen is harder to use! Last night I did my second jab and it felt like I'd done it right but when I took it out I squeezed the plunger down and more liquid came out! I'm hoping it wont matter too much!  I hope you're stims go well tonight! Make sure you get it all in!  Good luck xxx


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## Panda power (May 2, 2011)

Hi Karen s and totoro,

Started stimms this evening. Am on menopur and it was awful. Had tears as could not get liquid out of vial. Then DH told me to get a grip and mentioned tough love, so I said that's all right for you to say as you don't inject everyday! Got there in the end after 40 minutes. I also squished liquid out when trying to push out air!
Oh well hope it goes better tomorrow.
A few questions though: should I keep menopur in the fridge, as nurse said not to but saw someone mention it on here? Also if I run out if syringes can you only get them from hosp, as only 2 buserilin needles left but 4 injections left to do before going for blood test? 
Keep me updated totoro, my new stimms buddy  
 to all
Night night xxx


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## Karen_S (Feb 17, 2011)

HI Panda,

HUGE congrats for getting through the first jab.    
They get easier after that. My fingers are crossed that you grow a lovely large crop of eggs!

Can't answer you about the Menopur in the fridge. I had a different drug and mine had to remain refrigerated.
Maybe hop over to the "Ask a Pharmacist" section of FF.
They reply really fast.

G'night and sweet dreams.
Babydust to you


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## joste (May 6, 2011)

Hello I'm also a FF virgin n having just spent the last 20 mins in tears reading this did make me chuckle a little so thank you all.
I am day 3 of injections Ganol F n suprecur n think the hormones are really screwed up  
not really sure what I'm doing but having read some of the post on here sounds a very familiar so thought i would join altho I'm not just a FF virgin I'm a forum virgin to i have also never spoken to any one else with fertility problems just me in my world I'm afraid n i feel very very alone ill press send now before i cry again


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## Karen_S (Feb 17, 2011)

Hi Joste,
 
Welcome to FF and I hope you had a good sleep last night after your cry. A good waterworks session can really help you get through this. Having a meltdown is part of the process. So just let it out when you need to. 

We've all been there, and we know what you're feeling. You came to the right place for support.

Anytime you need a friendly word, a cyber hug, or just to vent - we're here.  

I'm thinking of you, snd sending you positive vibes and a big hug now.   

It may feel like a living hell now, but in 9 months it will all have been worth it. 

Let me share my motto:
'If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain'.

Have a wonderful weekend.
Relax, stay calm, do whatever makes you happy. And hope to hear from you soon with updates about how everything is going.


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## Totoro (Mar 24, 2011)

*Oh Joste!*  you're not alone anymore! I'm on day 5 of stims and feel so ill   My emotions seem to have calmed down but I'm still suffering woth being brain dead!  Hope you're feeling a bit better x

*Panda Power* I'm not on Menopur so I can't help with that one  Sorry about your tears, I probably would have thron the pen at DH if he'd said that! I'm not so good, still having terrrible headaches and now having an upset stomach (sorry tmi!) and nausea, verging on vomiting. I'm stuck at work and feel awful; think I'll phone in sick tomorrow!
Have you found the injections have got easier?

xxx


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## Panda power (May 2, 2011)

Hi joste,
Sorry to hear you were down, I hope this site a big help. It's great for having a rant and getting things off your chest.
Sending big hugs   and lots of positive vibes xx

Hi Karen s,
I love your motto and think I am going to stick it on my desk and in my kitchen.  Read menopur instructions and said to store at room temp and nurse said not to put in fridge so keeping it in cupboard under the stairs.
Xx

Hi totoro, my stims buddy,
I am on day 4 of stims and preparing drugs is hard but injection is ok. Not feeling too bad, but abdomen is really firm to the touch. Some dull aches too and emotions really up and down, especially as it's my birthday tomorrow. Really don't feel there is anything to celebrate, another year older and no children of my own. DH tried to cheer me up by arranging surprise lunch yesterday with family and friends but they all have babies and toddlers. Cried when I arrived and  everyone was there. Really nice that he is trying but I am not at my most sociable, it's taking a lot to go to work and stand in front of classrooms of teenagers all day.
Oh well rant over. 
Hope you feel better soon totoro.  

Love to everyone
Xxx


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## Karen_S (Feb 17, 2011)

Hi Panda,

A big   to you.
How are you feeling today?

May the end of this cycle will bring you a belated birthday treat - BFP and a healthy, beautiful baby.  Enough birthday present to last you a lifetime.

Hang in there and stay positive. Glad you liked the motto.

Karen


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## Totoro (Mar 24, 2011)

*Panda Power!*  for yesterday! Sorry it's late but I've been unwell. I hope you managed to enjoy your birthday in the end, it must have been hard for you and I'm sure DH just didn't realise 
I'm on day 11 of stims and feeling rough  Hope everyone else is ok xxx


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## Karen_S (Feb 17, 2011)

HI Totoro,
Sorry to hear you're not feeling good today. You're almost there and its EC day!
Fingers crossed for and hope you feel better tomorrow.


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## Totoro (Mar 24, 2011)

*Karen_S* Thank you! I'm getting nervous now! I don't have a clue when EC will be, DH has an exam on Monday so I want to avoid that day. I have another scan on saturday so I guess I'll find out then. Do you think they'd let me postpone for a day if they did want to do EC on Monday? 
Thank you! Hope everyone's ok xxx


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## Karen_S (Feb 17, 2011)

Hi Totoro - I'm really don't know the science of being able to delay. When those eggs are ready, they're ready.  I know the exam is important, but your baby is more important. Whatever the clinic tells you is the right date, my suggestion is to stick with that.  

Will you be having EC under general anaesthetic? If so, DH not being there is not too bad. As long as he can be there for ET, that was the most important part for me. We needed to feel that DH was a part of the conception process, as close to "natural" as possible.  So, holding hands with DH as the doctor placed the embryos back felt like we were doing it together.

Let us know what they say tomorrow.    

Have a good day,
karen


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## Totoro (Mar 24, 2011)

Thank you *Karen_S!* I'll let you know, feeling very nervous and excited at the minute! Eeek!
Hope you and everyone else are ok! xxx


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## Karen_S (Feb 17, 2011)

Totoro - have you had the scan yet? Fingers crossed.


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## Panda power (May 2, 2011)

Hi Karen s and totoro,
Thanks for birthday wishes. DH and I went for nice meal but I am glad it's over. Fingers crossed this time year I will be blessed with a family.
Had blood test Wednesday and scan yesterday. There are follicles on both sides at 15mm. Not sure how many but DH said nurse counted up to 9. Got to back for another scan tomorrow but EC might be on Tuesday. Emotions are up and down and ovaries feel like oranges and keep getting dull aches, like period pains. 
Sorry to hear you are unwell totoro. Hope scan ok today.
Will tell you all tomorrow about scan and EC.
Big hugs


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