# PROFILE PICTURE



## newmum (Jan 22, 2011)

Hi just after some advice.

Did anyone get to see a photo of possible link when SW talks through report?

SW visited today and spoke about LO and went through report. 

We didnt see a photo of LO is this usual? SW wasn't sure if we could see one? 

Also we've seen CWW and BMP pictures so why not possible linked LO's? Is it because SW doesnt want us to get attached to a photo?

Thanks

Nm2b x


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## smudgerbabe (Sep 16, 2011)

I've always had pictures supplied and also I specified I would want to see a video too. I can see that perhaps considering the report before seeing a picture may help you to stay more objective but if you are then happy with the report I would request photos before going any further - personally I need to 'connect' and a picture is part of this. Don't be made to feel guilty for asking!


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Hi hunny

So exciting about your link   I can understand not wanting to get attached to a picture in the initial instance as it may cloud judgement on the facts within the report. But photos  give you that emotional connection so equally you should see a picture at some stage as that is also an important factor. Visuals are very important in determining if you get certain feelings words alone cannot give you. I think you should push for a picture. We were shown four of our potential link as well as a picture of each birth parent

Good luck hun xxx


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## newmum (Jan 22, 2011)

Thanks both

I was brave and did ask smudger babe but SW wasn't sure if allowed to let us see. I will be brave and ask again. Your right it does make you feel guilty, afraid that you are saying and doing the wrong thing

Thanks lolly, wow 4 pics and BP's. We've had BP's described to us and LO but no pictures. I am a visual person and will try to be brave and push for a photo. Interesting to read everyone's experiences and thoughts about this

Nm2b x


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## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

When we were linked with our lo we did'nt get to see her picture until after we read her report and decided we did want to go with her. We had to wait 2 weeks and then we were given a few days to see if we still wanted to go with her 
Why they do this is apperently because to many people fall in love with the photo and don't prosses enough of the report.
Not sure if all LA's are the same, but good luck and I hope you have a photo soon.

Skyblu.xxx


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## ariellamcbella (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi!

We're not at that stage yet, but our VA did say to us that they would never bring a photo to a initial 'link' meeting...they want us thinking with our heads and are worried that all to often a picture makes it real and can cloud judgement...this can cause problems espesh if child has behaviours or medical issues you may have difficulties managing! They instead prefer to show the photo around the time you are saying, "actually, we'd like to start thinking about panel..."

Hope this helps! X


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## newmum (Jan 22, 2011)

Interesting experiences seems it does differ.

I can see what you are saying Bella and how this may cloud judgement 

Myself and DH have made our minds up about what we want to do next and that's without a picture, exciting times ahead fingers crossed x


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

It does make sense, as long as you see a photo a some stage!  It does pull at the heartstrings when you see a little face on the front of a profile or CPR as you will it to all be 'ok', and if it's not I suppose they fear you will try and make it 'ok' as you have already fallen for the angelic LO beaming from front page!  When we were looking at profiles we enquired about a couple before our possible link LO.  I must say that while it didn't cloud judgement, it was very hard to admit it wasn't right.  You naturally start picking out features of resemblance and imagining them in a pretty dress or smart shirt and how cute they would look.  And adoption isn't solely about cute!!!  Although our   links report all reads well and is most certainly cute too!     

Oh Newmum, I am excited for you


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

Congratulations newmum!

As a woman on our prep group used to say 'it's easy to get hooked into a photograph'  

To be honest that wasn't the case with us - we viewed a profile and as soon as I saw the photo I knew it wasn't our LO....I just knew. We also saw a few other vids and pics at one of those 'adoption days' and again, whilst I was sucked in by a couple, I still knew they weren't our LO. When we did see our LO's profile that was that. Absolutely knew and that feeling grew and grew. Now she's upstairs napping having moved in a couple of days ago.

I think the photo is important and I think they should show it to prospectives but I guess that's up to them and I can see how easy it would be to ignore the profile and coo over the photograph!! I hope they let you see one soon and in the meantime - exciting times ahead!!!!


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## MummyAuntieKatie (Oct 18, 2012)

Our SW showed us the picture before even telling us she'd brought a profile with her! As soon as I saw it I knew we'd found our son, luckily the CPR backed that up!!    xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I would never make a judgement without seeing a photo (obviously this is just me.) For me I have always been around little ones huge family and I have always worked and volunteered with kids. Some children I think are sweet and some make my heart lurch. For me and DH to adopt a child / children they need to make our hearts lurch. Our hearts lurching will not make us agree to an unsuitable match the CPR and SW's information will be vital. However on top of the right boxes being ticked by CPR I need to feel a connection. I do fully understand that I may feel a connection to a photo that due to CPR isn't right. If an SW refused to show me a photo when I will make it very clear I want one, (I think for me rightly or wrongly) so it didn't cloud my judgement I'd feel a bit patronized. 

To get to this point me and DH have had to make a lot of hard decisions and I think SW's should respect that we aren't looking at this naively. Sorry just my feelings I do also fully understand people who say they want to sit and really consider the CPR before they have a little face in their mind because for them they feel it would make it harder to make the decision. What I am saying is we are all able to decide for ourselves how we want to approach it.


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## newmum (Jan 22, 2011)

I understand what you are saying Gwyneth, for us our hearts have gone reading the CPR and would like to see a photo at some stage and feel like this will confirm our hearts that this is LO. I was surprised that SW couldn't show us a photo at this stage because you do at adoption days and CWW etc. I think she didn't want us to base any decision on a photo which we wouldn't

Lolly I'm excited for you too


Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, many different ones and very interesting

X


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

New Mum I am really glad you've found your LO  . Hope I didn't sound rude or mean but I just get annoyed that other people feel they can tell how we think, react or are able to make decisions better than we can ourselves. I hope you get a lovely photo of your LO soon so you can fall in love even more. You and Lolly might end up being intro buddies what a fab thought   x x x x


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## newmum (Jan 22, 2011)

Of course not Gwyneth thanks for your advice and reply. I know how exciting we may be buddies with Lolly x x x


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Oh goodness, dare we dream?!!!


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## newmum (Jan 22, 2011)

I will if you will


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Deal!!!!


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## newmum (Jan 22, 2011)

Done!!!


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk!!!!!  ()


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

gwyneth27 said:


> I would never make a judgement without seeing a photo (obviously this is just me.) For me I have always been around little ones huge family and I have always worked and volunteered with kids. Some children I think are sweet and some make my heart lurch. For me and DH to adopt a child / children they need to make our hearts lurch. Our hearts lurching will not make us agree to an unsuitable match the CPR and SW's information will be vital. However on top of the right boxes being ticked by CPR I need to feel a connection. I do fully understand that I may feel a connection to a photo that due to CPR isn't right. If an SW refused to show me a photo when I will make it very clear I want one, (I think for me rightly or wrongly) so it didn't cloud my judgement I'd feel a bit patronized.


HSDad and I have made it very clear to social workers that we are both very visual ppl who prefer to process information in that way and we will not accept a match without a recent video, muchless photographs. I said that we are both professionals who know how limited a photograph is, as limited as a written profile is, even. It is essential for me to see my child in motion. I want to see the muscles on his face as he reacts to his foster carer. I want to see what he pays attention to. I want to see how he communicates. I cannot make a match without that.

Both social workers took it in stride and told us honestly about the video work they do in their patch.


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## Sparkle JJ (Jan 1, 2009)

We didn't get to see a photo until after matching panel had said yes and the decision ratified. Just goes to show how different agencies do things. I am normally a very visual person but in this instance I'd fallen in love with the profile and very basic description -when we finally saw a picture she matched the image I had in my head.

We meet her next week and will get to see what shes like in real life .


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## HannahLou (May 22, 2011)

We weren't told her name or given a photo, we had to wait!! X


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## MummyAuntieKatie (Oct 18, 2012)

That just strikes me as power play and playing games with people.  How can you make a considered decision without seeing a picture and knowing a name?  I know it's fairly superficial when it comes right down to it and obviously people have made such a decision but you get such a feeling for a child from a picture and a name is such an important thing imo.  I don't think I could have made any decision without at least a picture.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Couldn't agree more Mummy Katie you summed up what I was trying to say earlier in the thread much more eloquently. x


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## newmum (Jan 22, 2011)

Thank you everyone for your opinions it's been great to read and really useful. Sharing all your experiences had really helped think I might have gone crazy if it wasn't for the advice I get here      


Personally I would liked to have a photo hence why I wrote this topic to see how and what your experiences are

We've made our decision without a photo and on the profile (didn't have any choice)! LO SW will be out soon so I hope we got one then. SW did say we don't have to commit to anything which makes me think she thinks we may change our minds when we've seen a photo. Who knows?? 

I'm still dreaming lolly     and praying this is LO


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Newmum, our social worker said that too, then once we did commit got all excited and showed her true colours   she just didn't want her feelings to influence us in anyway. But turns out she thought little one was the one all along   so what are your next steps? Our social worker visits Tuesday so gotta get cleaning soon, boo, it's too sunny to clean


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Ps...


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## newmum (Jan 22, 2011)

Well after all that, on the day of meeting LO SW the meeting was postponed then cancelled due to being informed about an appearance feature of LO which wouldn't match us. So a sad day and if only we could have seen a photo in the first place x


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## Dreams do come true (Jan 4, 2012)

Big hugs x x 

So so cruel, they shouldn't be allowed to treat people like this!!!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Sweetheart I am so sorry that's awful sending lots of hugs.  Nothing I can say to make things better x x


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

sorry to read that, last minute issues are so disappointing and frustrating


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## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

We saw pics with both profiles we read and I think it is really important!! There has to be something there! In fact I looked at pic and profile of one but refused to read cpr as I knew it wasnt for me. We read someones history when u dont need to. 
Good luck newmum2b. Thinking of you and think u should stress how important it is to see a photo. 
Xxx


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

We saw a DVD and lo photo before we were linked. We had seen other profiles with photos but as soon as we saw lo DVD and photo we knew we had that connection. After reading lo CPR that became even stronger.
I think a photo is important as it makes them feel more real if you know what I mean.
X


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