# tired and sad and feeling guilty



## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

its nearly xmas and i cant get in the mood.i have 2children aged 11 and 6,my world.for over 2yrs we've tried for a third and i cant take it any more.time keeps going and i get nowhere i'm so jealous of every pregnancy i hear of i cant even look at babies.i feel i've let my oh down i cant see a future without another baby.its not fair.i dont want to see a futurew without a baby its all i want.i adore my children theyre my world i just want another it makes me fee so guilty.does anyone ever get pregnant after so long?i cant even stick tomy diet even though i know diet is meant to be so important in ttc.it all seems to much.i know so many of you are going through this but i still feel so alone.


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## Mazza1971 (Aug 19, 2009)

Dear honeypinkblonde,

Please don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes I think that christmas brings out the worst in us as it is another year that we are not holding that baby in our arms! All of your feelings are perfectly natural. And I think that everybody on this site will have experienced pangs of terrible jealously! 

I am sending you lots of    and     that 2010 is our year and I hope that this Christmas is lovely and next is even better!

Mary xx


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## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

thanks mary.i've always found christmas lovely just this year it does feel like a marker! i wish you much luck with your ivf,i'm starting to think of ivf and am just realising how stressful it must be.fingers crossed that 2010 is a wonderful year for so many of us.take care


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## missyb (Mar 19, 2007)

hi honey,


like mary said xmas brings out the worst in us especially when you are ttc. my girls from my previous marriage are 12 and 13, i'd had problems conceiving my first and then didnt even make it to my postnatal check and was pg..marriage broke up and met a new man who i love very much and had nothing... not even a whiff of a bfp... dp's sa was low and i only had one ovary... but it did happen.. don't lose faith... miracles do happen.

amanda x


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## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

thanks for your reply i love stories of hope! good luck!


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## Piriam (Aug 29, 2003)




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## marie57 (Dec 18, 2009)

dear honeypinkblonde im totally new on here so please excuse any mistakes, but Ifelt such a connction when I read your post I just had to reply.I too have 2 beautiful children aged 9 and 7 and have been ttc a third for just over 2 yrs.I have had various investigations and on 14 12 09 i had a laparoscopy.After barely 20 mins to recover from the anaesthetic I was being told both my tubes are blocked and my only hope of concieving is IVF,which we cant afford.I have never felt more hopeless and depressed at the start of a new year,and all everyone including my gp keeps saying is you have 2 children count your blessings.This just makes me feel guilty as I know thats true but cant help the way im feeling right now.I also feel so confused as this time last year a hsg revealed my tubes were open although left one under pressure and I was given clomid,it all seems so unfair.


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## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

hi yes i get the your so lucky to have 2,but your heart can still ache for another.i am unexplained but i worry theres something they havent found.also how can you fix something if you dont know what it is.i know you are feeling very low right low dont feel guilty just because you have children you can still want more.did they suggest surgary some hospitals wont do surgary i know.how come your hsg was clear this really worries me.have you ever heard of radiant wonder?its herbal tampons which are meant to unblock tubes.i dont know if they work and there quite expensive but i would try them.also yoga and chinese medicine such as herbs and acupuncture claim to have some success with unblocking tubes.it might be at least worth googling you never know.i like to believe that miracles can happen although i dont think it will for myself.how did you get them to send you for a lap?also if you go for ivf if you egg share it brings the cost down a lot.i am looking at ivf next year,i dont want to have it but i just cant give up this dream.in the future if it doesnt work i'd like to adopt.i cant help but think i'm meant to have another.you need to let the sadness out,this is where i'm at.we're not alone that helps.i really hope some miracles happen soon.let me know how your getting on.tc


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## bubblicous (Jan 14, 2008)

honeypinkblonde - hey i was watching a tv pregramme the other day and the women had secondary infertilty and she was talking about the whole people saying you should be greatful for what you have etc etc and she said yes i am but it doesnt stop this hole i have in my heart its a hole that aches for another child and no matter how much i love the 2 i have this hole is still there and will be there till i have another child

and i sat there thinking thats so right i have been blessed with 2 gorg girls however i have a longing and an ache and a hole in my heart that wants another child (when i had my youngest i told everyone i would one day have another but not for a while as i was only 21 at the time) and now i have an amazing dh who has no bio children and all i want is to have a baby with this amazing loving man and complete my family and i do believe until then this hole will be there no matter how much i love my girls my family isnt complete

thats what i love about ff you can say these things without being shouted at iykwim most people would be like your so ungreatful for what you have but no im not im not ungreatful im not greedy i just want to complete my family and give my dh the most amazing gift in the world

sorry i went a bit off there

marie - have you considered egg share i too like you cannot afford ivf but with egg share it cut the costs down from almost 5k to 1500 at my clininc which is much more reasonable for us to afford im due to go for my fertility assesment in feburary to see if i can egg share and see about starting ivf which were hoping to do this year

i also believe ladies that miracles can happen and we should keep believeing  you should come and join us on the daily chat threadhttp://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=203442.390 xxx


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## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

it is lovely to find others who understand.i like you had my last baby at 21,my first was at 16.after 13yrs we're very happy but for the ghost of a much wanted baby.i had preeclampsia both times and we were lucky to survive last time,the journey to get the courage to try again was a long one and now the ttc is like the longest nightmare of my life.my children grow and insted of enjoying it,i feel i'm in mourning.like i may never have a 6yr old again(hes almost 7).i dont really know where to go at the moment and i find it very hard to stay positive but i'm not giving up yet.i hope everything goes well and you are able to egg share.i've learnt so much about ivf that i never knew and i think it sounds so very hard.i really hope 2010 sees many miracle babies,many who are very overdue!tc


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## nikkistar (Jan 19, 2010)

i know how you feel we have a five year old son and have been ttc for 3 years i have now been diagnosed with blocked fallopian tubes and have been told i will need to have icsi to have another child its all i think aabout i spend hours lookinf on mothercare and mamma and pappa websites choosing my pram etc(sad i know) i cry every time i hear another person has fallen pregnant selfish i know i do feel for you have you tried talking to the doctor


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## honeypinkblonde (Jun 3, 2009)

i know how you feel to.i also do the crying over baby clothes things and it ruins my day if i see a baby.can you not have surgary for the blocked tubes?i've heard of herbal tampons and using massage to try and help.maybe you could google it and see if that may be an option.not sure what icsi is do you have to pay?i really dont know where to go now my drs are not worried about my 2day periods or the pain i'm always in.i just wish i knew what was going on!i wish you luck,hun i hope we all get our dreams


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## nikkistar (Jan 19, 2010)

yeah i would need to pay for icsi as me and my husband already have a son together. i am looking in to egg sharing just waiting to see if i qualify for it no they said unblocking the tubes is not an option. yeah i saw about the herbal tampons just always worry its a money making scheme when we need to save every penny we can for te icsi i jope you get sorted out honey i really do feel for you hope all your dreams come true keep in touch x


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