# Coping...



## Laura.b (Jun 8, 2012)

I think the heading to this should really have been not coping. Ive known from being 17 that it would be difficult/impossible  for me to concieve naturally, and after 2 operations to try and unblock my tubes,  one op to have them removed as they were so damaged and 2 cycles of failed ivf attempts, I'm now a week away from having a full abdominal hysterectomy at 34 years old. 

It seems the older i get the stronger the need/want to become a mum gets. And even tho the chances of motherhood was pretty much non existant for so many years, the finality of having this operation done has hit me like a sledgehammer. 

I'm finding it so so difficult just to get thru the day without it being constantly there..nagging at me in my head and my heart. i dont feel as tho im coping at all, and i cant seem to see or find a way to work towards learning to cope. i'm bursting into floods of tears several times a day over the silliest of things. I think i have accepted that its never going to happen, i just cant see a way of ever getting over it. Its like my last tiny bit of hope is about to be snatched away from me. 

I cant watch tv, adverts, speak to friends or family or even walk through town without hearing or seeing pregnancy, giving birth, new babies etc etc. And everytime i see/hear anything my heart sinks. I just dont know what to do.


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## Tiny21 (Jul 24, 2007)

Hi there 
I have absolutely no idea what to say that could help, as nothing can, but I saw your post and just wanted to send you huge virtual   . I am sure there are others on here that will have more words of wisdom but my thoughts are with you and I really hope that you find a way through this awful time. 
xx


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## Laura.b (Jun 8, 2012)

Thank you for your kind words. I only found this site today and i am so glad i did.


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## Tiny21 (Jul 24, 2007)

It is a fabulous site and has kept me sane ish  throughout this hard hard journey, I know we have been blessed with our little boy through the miracle of IVF but we can never have our genetic child as my partner is azoospermic. 

I have found so many great people on here, some with similar stories/situations, and it makes you feel less lonely and supported. Also you can say anything as it's anonymous. I am sure you will find people in similar situations who can offer you more direct support.  

Have you posted on the 'newbie' section to as a moderator will come along and point you in the direction of the most appropriate boards for you. 

It is a brilliant site, have a bit of a browse around I am confident you will find something useful. 
xxxxxx


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## aubergine07 (Oct 26, 2010)

Laura - I am so sorry, you have had a long tough jouney, and am so sorry to read of your heatache. 

I too can't give any answers I'm afraid.  This site is definetly a help - some amazing ladies with words of wisdom, or just wonderfully supportive.  But also just good to know that you are not alone.  Even though every lady's story is different, we can all understand how each other feels - and just knowing there is someone who understands just helps.

If you are able to, I would advise getting some counselling.  It will give you achance to get your feelings out in a safe and non-judgmental environment.  

Big


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## Laura.b (Jun 8, 2012)

Thank you Tiny21 and aubergine07, It is def a help (and relief i suppose) to know that im not alone feeling like i do, just knowing that someone truly understands has helped already. I have an amazing family and boyfriend, but im really bad at talking about how i really feel, especially as i dont feel like they could really understand as they all have had children naturally and with no problems. (my boyfriend has an 18 year old son) 

Ive always been the 'life and soul of the party'type of person, the one who everyone can talk to, and the one who always seems so positive and happy,and i have a very sociable job (im a tattoo artist)  the fake smile and laugh is out most of the time. So to admit how i am really feeling inside seems so difficult. 

Tiny21..so many congratulations to you on the birth of your son!    I am truly happy that ivf worked for you and gave you your little miracle!

Aubergine07...thank u for your kind words of support, i have tried counselling before after i had ivf, to be honest i think i just didnt find someone that suited me as it didnt really help and found that it just taught me to lie better about my feelings (very strange i know!) but i am going to try again after my next operation, i really think im going to need it.

You are all trluy amazing ladies!


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