# Next treatment due soon - how are you feeling?



## Luck2014 (Oct 1, 2013)

Hi Ladies

Due to start my second ICSI in either Feb or March.  Wondered if there is anyone else due to start again soon and wanting to chat.  The wait seems like forever as waiting on second blood test on 24th of this month  to confirm if I have antiphospholipid syndrome (blood clotting disorder) - hopefully not!  

Hoping to prepare well mentally for this.  Last time I was mega positive with a very upsetting outcome.  Feeling positive again but aware I need to stay realistic  - can't help feeling excited more than anything else though.  Does anyone else feel like this?


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## kazza236 (Feb 21, 2013)

Hi, I am also starting my 2nd ICSI cycle soon and I am feeling completely different about it this time. AF isn't due until the beginning of March but already I have a feeling of dread! Thanks to all of the lovely ladies on here I went into my first cycle with an open mind and took each day and step as it came so getting a BFN wasn't as heartbreaking as it could have been. I do feel positive and a little excited about the next cycle and I am hopeful but I am really, genuinely scared!


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## CHOCOCHINE (Mar 11, 2013)

i have just started sniffing on the 7th with first scan due 25 th feb and injections 26, this will be my 3rd ivf with isci and donor sperm and the last with my own eggs, so i am trying not to think about it. Getting pregnant and having a missed miscarriage was awful and i just hope i am not too old to do this, goodluck to you both


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## Luck2014 (Oct 1, 2013)

Hi Ladies Here's sending loadsa luck to us all.  

Chocochine - know how you feel - that is what happened to me.  I hadn't a clue at the time that a miscarriage could have happened as I did not know it was possible to have one without bleeding first.  It's the worst thing that has ever happened to me and therefore am scared too but something tells me this is going to be a better year.

Kazza26 Think with it being the second ICSI that the odds say we have a better chance of a positive outcome this time.  

Lots of baby dust being sent your way.


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## misskitten (Oct 31, 2010)

hello Luck2014, I'm not due to start my cycle until April but I am already feeling anxious. I keep waking up early and normally I have no problems sleeping. My moods are all over the place - I go from being excited to quite low. Just want to give myself a big kick up the bum and get on with it but the waiting is so hard!

I was the same before my last cycle. I think knowing what is to come and how hard it is to deal with failure is what I'm worrying about. 

It's hard to let yourself be positive again after a failed cycle because you're opening yourself up to possible hearbreak again. 

I'm sorry you experienced a miscarriage. Good luck for your next cycle though, we just have to try and be brave and be kind to ourselves


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## Luck2014 (Oct 1, 2013)

Hi Miss Kitten

Thank you for your kind words.

Same here - not sleeping too brilliantly and usually can sleep for England.  It's hard to relax isn't it?  Like you say, be kind to yourself - planning nice things to do with friends and partner breaks up the rubbish wait.  My worry is my funding will run out in April due to my age so it kinda has an added worry.  Have you thought about acupuncture?  Only heard good things about it so have given it a try and found it relaxed me.  Also my acupuncturist is lovely and spent time talking to me about the ivf too.

Think it helps to plan ahead and think of the next steps.

Let's hope the time is here sooner than we think and I wish you lots and lots of good luck.


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## kazza236 (Feb 21, 2013)

Hi Luck, 

I have heard that there is a slightly increased chance of success 2nd time around. They have reduced my dose of Gonal-f to 150iu so I hope that makes a difference in egg quality as 3 of the 7 collected last time were immature. I am also having trouble sleeping but I couldn't tell you what is on my mind! I just feel really unsettled, anxious perhaps. Really hope that this time is your time, I should have one NHS go left after this so I, hopfully, have a fall back. Are they making any changes to your cycle this time around? 

x


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## misskitten (Oct 31, 2010)

Hi Luck2014, thanks, each kind word and bit of support helps doesn't it.  

I'm a big fan of reflexology and do find that helps me a lot, although you can't have it during an IVF cycle. I have had acupuncture throughout my last two cycles but I think I might not this time around. I found it a bit stressful trying to fit in acupuncture appointments as well as all the clinic appointments. I think do whatever helps though, I know a lot of women find it is brilliant. Glad you've found a good acupuncturist you can also talk to, I think it is even better when you have a good connection.

Kazza- hope you sleep better soon. I'm going to start using my meditation cds again and see if that helps

MissK x


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## kazza236 (Feb 21, 2013)

Thanks missk, I was hoping to have at least a months worth of good sleep before starting but that's not going to happen! You've also reminded me that I got a Zita West CD off another FF so will have to see if I can dig it out and give it a go  I've also heard that an app called 'headspace' is supposed to be good but I haven't tried it yet. 

x


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## orchidz (Feb 20, 2013)

Hi all, hope you don't mind me joining in. I am 4 days away from transfer on my second cycle. and I have been finding it so hard. Its so different from the optimism that I had on the first cycle. I was convinced it was going to work but it didn't. I don't want to put myself through this anymore as I don't think that I am mentally strong enough but can't seem to stop. I am feeling so negative I am wondering why I am even bothering and have no hope for this cycle for no reason. just negativity!
I even have our next cycle booked with another clinic due to start in May! I can't bring myself to hope that this could actually work for us! Anyone else feel like this as my bf doesn't like me talking to him about it anymore as he a believer in positive thinking but I can't get my head around it.


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## Luck2014 (Oct 1, 2013)

Hi Orchidz

Blimy, you sound just like me: feeling different second time round (though I've not started yet but will soon), preplanning the next cycle and fell out with my boyfriend since Sunday as he is 'sick of me talking about ivf'!  Planning ahead is a good thing to do in my opinion, I didn't last time as I was just so positive so when I lost my baby I found it extremely hard to deal with (understandable as it is) but keeping focussed helps so much.  

Well, you have done most of your cycle now so it will soon be time to sit back, relax and wait for the good news.  I fully understand how you are feeling negative but just think,  in the law of probability it could well be your turn this time - fingers crossed for you it is.  x


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## pumpkin1975 (Dec 4, 2013)

Hi ladies

Hope you don't mind me joining in. I can identify with a lot of you. Feeling really apprehensive about my second cycle. Not as positive as the first. I'm scared of it failing and how I will cope with that pain again. It's such a massive thing to go through. No one can truly understand unless they have been through it.

Had many bloods done this week and another AFC and waiting for nk tests to come back. Really hope that's OK and it's not more worry and expense. Does anyone feel angry at the cost of IVF? I do. If it works, then it's so worth it but at the moment feel like money is continually being extracted from me along with my dignity and self esteem. IVF makes me feel so inadequate.

I really need to snap out of this mindset and be positive. I've changed clinics to the lister to give us every chance of success. 

Need to start my exercises again to relief stress!

How do you ladies cope with IVF a second time? Coping strategies?

Best of luck

Jx


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## Luck2014 (Oct 1, 2013)

Hi Ladies

Got the go-ahead today for starting my second cycle - can't believe how it's changed my mood - feeling completely excited and positive again.

Pumpkin1975 - Your so right - no one who has not been through it understands.  My friend who has 3 children already had a very recent loss and said she was not upset as she knows she can do it again next month and get pregnant -arrrgggghhhhhhhhhh!.  She told me this last night and I could not get to sleep until 5am as I was so jealous (that she can just get pregnant so easily) and also thought it was an insensitive thing to say knowing how long I have been trying and how devasted I was when I miscarried.  

I have also been thinking about what you say about how to cope if unsuccessful - it's kind of like your scared to be too excited just in case but I find it hard to stop being excited and get carried away with my feelings when I think there is hope.  I know it's best to be positive along with realistic too - but how to achieve this state of mind......?  Aw, girls, this is so hard!!!  This week have done loads of daft things as I think my head is elsewhere, like wait on the wrong side for the train, not remember things people have said, sent a text to the wrong person - oh well. ha ha!

Have a lovely weekend everyone and here's lot's of baby dust coming your way x


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## kazza236 (Feb 21, 2013)

Hi Pumpkin, 

It's strange how the 2nd cycle feels more daunting, I wasn't too bad the first time but the closer I am getting the more nervous I am feeling. Not helped by me putting on just a little bit of weight since I was last seen which has just tipped my BMI to 31.3! Am now panicking and googling like mad trying to find a way to lose 3lb in week to bring me back down to the weight I was when I was referred so I can start treatment the week after! 

The only coping strategy I have this time around aside from FF is to keep myself occupied doing anything and everything! Reading, housework, playing games, playing with the cats... 

K x


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## Luck2014 (Oct 1, 2013)

Anyone got any more strategies for remaining positive but realistic? Not sure there are any.


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## orchidz (Feb 20, 2013)

I don't have any as I am feeling negative, although the excitement of the unknown is starting to kick in now as I am due for EC on Monday and have responded well to the meds again. But that wasn't a problem last time either. I have found myself starting to daydream about what could be, but we have to be honest all of this is out of our hands. My boyfriend is always reminding me that there are so many things to worry about in life that we can actually have control over and this is not one of them so there is no point in worrying! Easier said than done ofc


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## pumpkin1975 (Dec 4, 2013)

Hi Ladies

I hope your cycles are going well. Ours is going to start this month. Although it's a short cycle, it's with the pill first so feels longer.

I went on a mini break with a friend. 4 night in Portugal. Feeling much brighter now and less stressed. Also tried reflexology and massages. If I can afford it I'd like to treat myself to more to offset the pain of IVF and to keep relaxed. Also, swimming is helping. I think with your second IVFs you go into them more realistic. You know what's ahead and that the result is not always what you want. I saw the counselor too at the Lister and she helped. Think I will be knocking on her door again. Please tell me how you get on ladies. Good luck.

Jx


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## pumpkin1975 (Dec 4, 2013)

Luck2014
So sorry to read of your miscarriage. No one understands unless they have unfortunately been through it. It's far worse for us as it takes so long for us to get pregnant in the first place.


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## pumpkin1975 (Dec 4, 2013)

kazza236 
I have had to lose weight too and it's so hard, I don't know why? Good luck with your weight loss and your cycle


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## pumpkin1975 (Dec 4, 2013)

orchidz

How is it all going for you?


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## Luck2014 (Oct 1, 2013)

Thanks for your kind message Pumpkin. It's nice to know that lot's of girls on here understand the frustration that Joe public does not.  Just thinking forward and positive now.  When are you starting this month?  How much do you have to lower your BMI by?  Good luck with your next cycle. x


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## orchidz (Feb 20, 2013)

Sorry to hear your news pumpkin, life really is so cruel to us sometimes. 

I had a positive(so far) outcome to my cycle as you can see from my sig. Praying for success for us all. We deserve it.


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## Luck2014 (Oct 1, 2013)

Congratulations Orchidz, Twins!!!!  Yes, you are right, we do all deserve success.


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## pumpkin1975 (Dec 4, 2013)

Hi luck2014

I ideally need bmi to be under. 30 which means 1 stone 5 pounds in 5 weeks which isn't going to happen! Just have to see how far I get with it. Lost 5 pounds so far. Think down regging will start 8th May all being well. Starting pill 18 April then scratch this month.

Good luck too x


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## pumpkin1975 (Dec 4, 2013)

Congratulations Orchidz! Twinsssss ! Wow  Well done x


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## orchidz (Feb 20, 2013)

Thank you  but tbh I still can't believe it myself, I am still thinking it's a dream and I'm going to wake up. 
Best of luck for your personal goals.


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## Luck2014 (Oct 1, 2013)

Orchidz - thanks.  Yes but when you wake up it is still real - bet your so happy.

Pumpkin - hey, 5lb is good just keep going and see how much you lose.  Good luck with your next cycle.

Am due for EC Wednesday and feeling pretty excited but also very nervous.

xx


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## pumpkin1975 (Dec 4, 2013)

Fingers crossed for your E/C this week. Exciting and nerve racking, yes!  Good luck


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## SMFoxing (Oct 17, 2012)

Hi
Sorry to hi-jack your post but was just reading through and thought this all sounds familiar. Was quite excited about first cycle back in November (though last minute scans made me a bit worried). Afterwards I really wanted to get back to trying again ... Had consultant appointment the other week & rang to request & been booked in for a teach prior to scratch & our second (& last NHS cycle) and now feel like I don't want to start! Really scared that it won't work and I won't know what to do or how to cope.   

To make matters worse every time i go on ******** someone is announcing they are pregnant or are talking about their kids.... I just feel soo sad. Suppose to be meeting up with friends next week but can't even thnk about it as there will be loads of kids around. Can't talk to my DH at mo as his mums just been admitted to hospital and don't want him to have any more stress......

Just feel so alone until I log onto here

S


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## Luck2014 (Oct 1, 2013)

Hiya SMFoxing

Hey, it's normal to be scared.  I'm scared too about it not working or even worse having another miscarriage but having a plan b helps.  Like, I know if we are not lucky this time will have all my immune tests done before doing it again.  Like people say, it's a numbers game so it's got to be our turn sometime.  No point worrying (I should practise what I preach) because we can't really change anything so try to stay positive and pray for a positive outcome.  

Know exactly what you mean about ******** - not been on since Nov when I had my mmc.  I feel sad too and also jealous of those announcing pregnancies.  When I'm at work and anyone talks about anyone getting pregnant or being due to give birth, I leave the room discretely then I don't have to listen.  Think it's a normal reaction for us given what we are going through but as someone said on another thread I am on, 'it's not the end until you decide it is'.

Feel free to pm me if you want to chat.

Your not alone even though it feels like it, you have us ladies on here.


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## Tinckler (Oct 15, 2013)

Hi SMfox

I think you may have been on the same cycle buddies chat as me back in Nov/Dec.

Anyway like you am due to start my second nhs cycle in May/June, I noticed you mentioned you were booked in for embryo scratch, is that something they offered you on nhs? My clinic do it I think but I have to pay so wondered if you did and how does it work at what stage during treatment do you have it done?

Thanks

Emma


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## SMFoxing (Oct 17, 2012)

Luck2014 thanks for your message, much appreciated. I know I'm not the only one going through this but sometimes it feels like everyone else is pregnant or has children. Grrrrrr.

Trying to do something different for our next cycle -eat better, more exercise, acupuncture. I took supplements last time so still on those. Plays having a scratch too. At least they know how my body responds.

Good luck with your current cycle ... Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

We have a plan b too ..... thinking about using dhea or serum or donor eggs. All isn't lost at this stage - just feel quite impatient! 

Emma I' being offered the scratch on the NHS. I'm with st Mary's in manchester ... Not sure if we are being offered this because we made an appointment with the consultant & really pressed for what we could do improve our chances or whether this would have been offered anyway... We'll never know but I'd definitely recommend mentioning it.

I'm going to be booked in for the scratch the week before my period starts and as I'm on short protocol I'll start taking drugs when AF starts .... Eek! Just need to work out dates ... They wanted to book us in for end of May but we have a holiday booked beginning of June which will clash with taking drugs and EC!!!


S xxx


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## Luck2014 (Oct 1, 2013)

S M Foxing

We are at the same clinic x


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## Tinckler (Oct 15, 2013)

Thx for the info Sam, I know my clinic will charge me for extras like scratch even though treatment is on nhs think that's just for normal IVF anything extra they charge for as for our first treatment we gave embryo glue a try as that was £150 which didn't seem too bad if reca correctly think the scratch was about £500. Anyway ill call them on Tuesday as it might be worth trying this time round if its not too late (period due in two weeks).

Happy Easter everyone!

Xx


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## SMFoxing (Oct 17, 2012)

Luck 2014 I didn't realise we are at the same clinic ... How funny is that. Hope you are doing ok? When is your OTD?

Tinckler- I'm not feeing charged for the scratch (well they gave t mentioned charges!!!) and I think they did the embryo glue last time round. Seems strange that some clinics charge and some don't even though they are all NHS!

Hope they offer to do the scratch for you ... Seems to gave good results. Xxx


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## Luck2014 (Oct 1, 2013)

SM Foxing

My OTD is 29/4/14.

How are you feeling?  Good luck with your upcoming cycle.
x


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## Calladene (Dec 26, 2012)

Hi ladies ,
Iv had my failed ivf  Well failed fertilisation!
And iv had my bleed and body feels more normal again! Does anyone know the soonest I can get bk at the ivf?! Xxx
Was down and upset last week but this week I'm ready to be upbeat and try again! Xxx


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## orchidz (Feb 20, 2013)

Calladene so sorry to hear of your failed fertilisation. Did the clinic explain why this happened? Did you use ICSI? Most clinics recommend waiting three natural af cycles to get your body fully ready for the next cycle. Nothing is written in stone though so best to ask your clinic. 
Best of luck and I hope the next cycle brings you more luckxxx


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## Luck2014 (Oct 1, 2013)

Hey Calledene

Glad your feeling better and ready to go again - yeah!  It's usually 3 periods but I agree with Orchid, above, that it will be best to check with your clinic.  So are you staying with the same clinic?

xx


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## Calladene (Dec 26, 2012)

Yea I'm gonna stay with Leeds ... 
Iv made a draft email to send to them tho ...

Hi Dale.
It's Robyn Calladene 22.03.1986
Stacey Calladene 20.04.1980

I recently had ivf and had zero fertilisation.
7 eggs collected 4 mature.
Tiny polar body's on the 4 eggs 
Possibly M11.
I did ask why icsi wasn't done but professor balen said it can't be done on unusual eggs but when I spoke to the embryologist she said if my eggs come back like this again she will be doing icsi and it might just be that my eggs have small polar body's and that could be ok and normal for me . I know M11 means mature but on my notes it says possibleyM11 meaning possibly mature ?? I don't know if this means if they were not fully mature this is why they have not fertilised.
I only had one scan on day 9 and I do know it showed 7 follicles one was around 16 the others where significantly smaller and I triggered two days later.
If I had stimmed a few more days and had another scan would my follicles be bigger and my eggs then mature?

I have had a follow up appointment with professor balen and he would like me to have another go at ivf and said this could of been a one off.
Also the embryologist said it would be a good idea to have another go on higher drugs stim for longer and icsi .

We have both had a amh done again last week.

I have decided rather than risk my eggs been unusual again and have failed fertilisation regardless what reason has caused this .I think it would be a good idea if  recieved donar eggs from Stacey.
Prof balen has mentioned this is the letter he sent my gp,
I just think it's a big risk to use my own eggs.
Iand I don't know why I never thought of it before my ivf for me and Stacey to try for a baby that we would both be linked to.

I'm struggling to get my head round why the embryologist and prof balen said it's a good idea for me to have another go using my eggs and that my eggs will be better than Stacey's when this has happened, especially with not much of a age gap between us and Stacey's proven fertillity of having a child already.
Iv looked at the price list but can't figure out the actual cost of this !

Please can you email me  the total cost of ivf using Stacey eggs 
Prof balen does know I am thinking of doing this and said he will ring me with our amh results 

Thank you

Robyn Calladene 

Sent from my iPhone
Sent from my iPhone



To me I'm not sure what has gone wrong and I'm really confused or are they covering up!!! I don't know weather to use my own eggs or dw xxx


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## Luck2014 (Oct 1, 2013)

Hi Calladene

Do they have a document detailing their protocol?  Seems very strange  that they knew from the onset that you would only do one scan and the dates were set in stone.  I would question them about this on the phone or in person.

Best of luck with it.
xx


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