# Anyone from Northern Ireland?



## apparition

Hi all
just starting on the road to adoption and would love to chat with anyone especially those from NI as we are often different than things in the UK.

Thanks

Apps


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## Jillyhen

Hi apps

Im from Northern Ireland and have send out forms in for adoption at the start of the summer.. What stage are you at?

Jillyhen x


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## wee emma

hiya   

im looking into it too but can't do much until next summer, once this tx is over.


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## apparition

Hi guys
thanks for replying.
Jillyhen, I remember you on the IVF board when I was there - so sorry things didn't work out.  

Everything crossed for you wee emma.  

We have been to a few adoption open evenings and had an a couple of initial visits by our social worker and she has accepted our official letter to request the start of the adoption process. We are waiting now for the first set of official forms to fill in.
Very apprehensive but feeling positive!
 

Thanks Apps


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## Jillyhen

Hey apps

Ive been told i need to lose 2 stone before we can get started again and even tho ive tried a few times i cant realyy see it happening, we still havent got our acknowledgment for ever receiving our forms even tho i did ring them last week and told it was goin in the post that day!!

I just wish that process would get started..

Jillyhen x


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## apparition

Hi Jillyhen
is it the adoption people or IVF that want you to lose weight? - I'm 12stone+ do you think they will tell me to do the same. Poor DH is a bit tubby and terrible at loosing weight.

I'm terrrible at hounding people so for their sake I hope they are more efficient.

Thanks

Apps


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## galaxy girl

I'm from NI too! Hi all.


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## Jillyhen

Sorry apps

Ive to lose 2 stone before i have ivf again..

Hi galaxy girl

Jillyhen x


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## apparition

Hi all
Hello galaxy girl.

Awwch Jillyhen - thats awful - i know how hard it is to loose weight. I put a lot on after my last IVF - lots of comfort eating but cant get it off. 
You're so lucky with your adoption authority - mine, the South Eastern are very strict about not starting anything official until we had had a set time to get over the IVF failures and have a statement from our doctor/specialist that we have stopped all treatment. I was really relieved that they let us start after 6 months as they had mentioned having to put us off for a year.
I understand why but different people get through things at different times.

I felt such a relief moving on from the IVF - a much happier bunny than I was.  

Chat soon.
Apps


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## wee emma

hiya app, im south eastern too   

hi galaxy, you heard if/when you'll get any news?   what board are you?

hi jilly   

have any of you heard of concurrent planning?


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## Jillyhen

Hey ladies

Im in the northern trust area..

Wee emma what is concurrant planning?

Jillyhen x


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## galaxy girl

we are still waiting wee Emma!! doing respite fostering at weekends...hopefuly get the phone call soon.

I have heard of concurrent planning yes. It's one of the reasons we are dually approved - so we could be placed with a child on a fostering basis before it finally goes to court - I think there are different levels. It is risky.


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## wee emma

this is the adoption place in belfast who do the concurrent planning thing, they are going to start working with the south eastern soon. (am i allowed to put websites up?)

http://www.familycaresociety.co.uk/concurrent-planning

aww gg, the wait must be hard. how are you finding fostering? i think that would be tough.

/links


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## Jillyhen

Hello girlies

Just thought i would let you know that we had  phone call from the social worker and we are hoping to do the 2 day adoption course on the 26th Oct..

Jillyhen


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## wee emma

oh excellent jilly    have they said anything to you about you suspending treatment but not stopping it?


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## Jillyhen

No, they never mentioned it..

I did say when i ist spoke to them that i had a failed cycle of ivf and there has been no more said.


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## galaxy girl

After the course Jilly if you apply to adopt and go for home study they will then write to your consultant to make sure treatment is stopped .... just a warning! We had to answer ++ question about treatment during home study. Including doing a whole time line of when each treatment was - i had to refer to my ticker on here as couldn't be that specific! they want to make sure you have moved on from treatment and have grieved the loss of havng your own biological child.


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## apparition

Hi ALL
we're getting the first set of forms in the next couple of days for our medicals (which I have booked with the GP) and police checks.

Does anyone know if you have to get these back before you can go on an adoption course? -

Jillyhen - do you mind me asking where is the one on the 26th October and do you know if it is only open to those in your area? 
I think our social worker said the next one she knew of wasn't until February so I would love to get on one earlier if i could get to it.
Got word from BAAF via ******** about a documentary on BBC3 on Monday night about that lovely guy Jono searching for his birth family on ********.

Chat soon.
Apps
Thanks all


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## galaxy girl

apparition - not sure if there are different processes in different trusts but in ours we were the only ones who had had medicals before prep course - most were advised to apply after prep course and then go for medicals - we were  already on the road because we had applied to foster first...


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## wee emma

do you have to pay for your own medicals and police checks?


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## galaxy girl

I think you might have to pay for adoption medical. you don't have too for fostering.


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## lyndy lou

hey girls, we have just started on the road to adoption too!!  Where is the course on 26th October? We are just waiting for our first social worker appointment but keen to move quickly!!


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## Worththewait

Hi girls , we're from northern ireland too.  Started our course in february and waited until a few weeks ago to get our social worker assigned to us.  She has had 2 initial visits with us and is starting my personal profile next week.  I have to admit its very intense already.  we both felt like we should be guilty of something from her questioning, i dont know if this is to see if we can manage under pressure, but, already she has tried to make me say that i am an anxious person (which i am not) as i mentioned that my husband was quite calm under pressure!! 

Wishing you girls all the best of luck xxxxx


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## Jillyhen

Hi girls

Apps i had been told that it would be feb before the next one but the sw seemed quite keen to get it started and they are running it over 2 days instead of 7 weeks

Im not sure where the course is, i just got a call from the senior social worker last week to say that they where planning to fo it and if i can get time of work, which in my case works well as i had booked off the 27th & 28th as im babysitting my nieces on the 28th.. They are to send out a letter to say where it is and also for the home visit..

I work for a health trust, can they get a copy of it?

Jillyhen

Jillyhen


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## wee emma

oooh worththewait, thats scary. its that sort of thing thats putting me off to be honest.


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## Jillyhen

Hey ladies

I was chatting to a girl at work who adopted a wee girl last year and she said to be prepared for questions about everything and anything, there will be nothing to hide


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## apparition

Hi all
thanks Jillyhen - i am going to mention to our sw on Thursday and see if we can get on that course. 
Don't want to wait until February if we don't have to.

Busy filling in the medical/ police check forms - quite a lot there. Don't think there is a charge though - will keep you all posted.
Have my medical with my GP tomorrow.

Chatting to other adopters and yes they told nme that the sw will ask about anything including your sex life.
A lot have said that the chatting has been informal and beneficial - not like an interigation.

Here's hoping.

Apps


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## wee emma

Do they ask you questions like that in front of each other? I'd be mortified!


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## Jillyhen

Ive heard that as they ask questions and as you answer they write every thing down for a report..

Apps 

Ive heard nothing since last week im supposed to be getting a letter..

What has sex life got to so with them? 

From what i also gather they talk to you together then each of you separately


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## galaxy girl

you just have to go with the flow for home study - the social worker will know more about you separately and as a couple by the end of it than your closest family and friends.! It didn't freak me out but it was exhausting though and emotional.


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## Worththewait

hi ladies,

i had my personal profile completed and it lasted over 2 hrs but im glad to say that it was extremely therapeutic for me and it really did allow the sw to see the real me.  It didnt feel like an interrogation in the end, one topic just led to another and as time went on my sw began to relax with me and i could see our relationship changing into something more positive.  I think she now realises i am not a secret monster lol DH has to wait for another 3 weeks b4 he has his but ive warned the sw she may struggle to get information from him because he's so laid back and gives one word answers lol 
In the meantime we have our medicals with our gps in the next week or so and our police checks are all sent off.  Finally feel as if we are getting somewhere at last


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## apparition

Hi Guys
Class today as the offical start of our adoption journey!   
signed the application forms today - police checks sent and medicals completed. 

Told we cannot go on the Northern board course so will probably have to wait until Feb 2012 but the SW said she wold give us stuff to start working on our personal profiles.

She also suggested volunteering with different types of children and that we might be held up by our BMIs just touching 30   
looks like diets for us.

Really can't understand how NI boards can be so different - there is no equality  there!

WW -good luck with yours.

Apps


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## Jillyhen

Hi Apps

Good luck to you both on your journey..  

We are with the Northern board.. We havent received a thing about the course next month..

Do you have to be a certain bmi for adoption as well? Flip me im snookered then    i cant shift the lbs for ivf at the min..

What did she mean by volunteering with diff children? Is that fostering or helping with a group?

Jillyhen


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## wee emma

i heard from a girl yesterday that the northern board are terrible    she has tried to apply to foster, has two houses so the south eastern has told her to use her lisburn address and not her northern address as they are uselss


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## Jillyhen

Aw great.. Weeemma


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## Jillyhen

hey ladies

Got a call yesterday from the family placement team having to change the course from Oct till November hopefully get a letter next week.

Jillyhen


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## Jillyhen

Girls

Me again.. Have the social worker coming around next tues


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## Worththewait

hi girls

Jillyhen, u probably feel relieved something is moving at this stage.  we had a sw come visit us b4 we went on our course just to talk to us about it, we have a different sw assigned to us to complete the assessment though.  Went for my medical today seemed to go ok, dh cant get his until next week the day b4 his personal profile takes place   but he's as healthy as a mule anyway! police checks will be grand too, and im sure the references all will be   the waiting is soooo long but dh and i started talking about next xmas and what it would be like to have a wee un placed with us in time for that.  Makes all the waiting that little bit easier imagining things like that   

hope everyone is keeping well cant wait to hear everyones experiences xxx


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## Jillyhen

Exactly Worth the wait

All go for you 2

We have the social worker coming around on tuesday then the course has been moved to 9th & 10th nov.

Must get the house looking half decent dont want her thinking that we live in a hovel..

Jillyhen


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## lyndy lou

hi how long do you usually have to wait to go on the course? We have out first social worker appointment next Tuesday - it has taken 6 weeks to get to this stage and I have literally been phoning up twice a week to hurry things along as best i can!


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## Jillyhen

lyndy lou

What board are you in?

We sent our forms in start summer, supp be be on course in october canc to nov and sw coming next tue

Jillyhen


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## Worththewait

hi,
I know with the northern trust they usually do them both ends of the year.  we started ours around the end of february and they told us they do one in the winter which would probably account for the oct/nov one. 

U'll tidy ur house and the sw probably wont want to look round.  i tidied my whole house and she sat down in the 1st room she walked into. never looked around nor asked to go to the loo in the 2 hours she was there lol i was nearly going to ask her if she wanted to see round just because i didnt want all my cleaning going to waste


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## apparition

Hi all
joined Adoption UK this week and they seem to do loads - anyone else joined or go to support groups?

Really frustrated that even in a small place like NI there is no equality of adoption path - heard different timescales for different authorities. We have to wait for the South Eastern prep class in Feb despite asking to go to Northern one. What do you all think? 
Anyone need any adoption books - there are loads in the libraries and their catalogue is available online. I have found they have an adoption collection but will try to get more information about it.

Jillyhen - I agree with WTW, don't you be worrying about the house - our sw didnt move beyond the living room after me clearing the whole house.

Apps


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## lyndy lou

hi im southern trust. i have to deal with another part of social services as part of my job and they are sooo slow!!
Anyone else in southern trust?


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## galaxy girl

yep - me! Hey lyndy lou.

Apparition - i've joined Adoption uk.think your trust should pay for it? don't know if you have to be approved for that though. Haven't gone to supot groups yet but do plan to.


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## apparition

Hi all
Thanks GG - i remember you very much on the treatment boards.
Although things didn't work out it is so lovely to catch up with old online friends 

Yes SW said membership was free once approved but she seemed very keen we join straight away so I did.

Found out today that Newry library hold the Libraries NI adoption collection and I'm trying to organise some partnership with support groups but we'll see how it goes - keep you all posted. You can all access these through your own local library though and the catalogue is available at: https://opac.librariesni.org.uk/

Chat soon.
Apps

/links


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## wee emma

How are you all to day?

i've just enquired about fostering as i'm wondering if it would maybe be good if we started there.

I really dont think they'll take us on though because DH has no contact with his two girls. I think they'll see that badly.   

am feeling very down today, i just can't see what we can do.


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## Jillyhen

hey ladies

Chin up wee emma.. I know exactly how you are feeling..

We had the social worker round last nite, i did mention that we had ivf at the start of the year and would like more go if that failed that would be it  no more goes.. I know you lovely ladies did say that the adoption process would prob be stopped if we proceeded.. However we did say that if we carried on with the ivf we are still eager to adopt as well. So then the se asked how would we feel if i cudnt carry a child of my own and to a child that i had adopted etc.. We have said no matter what child we have if its ivf, natural or adopted we will still love them as our own.

I was a wee bit upset after, however she is goin to speak to her senior to see whether the course on the 9th & 10th will be stopped will we try another ivf.. 

Jillyhen x


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## wee emma

have you heard anything back from them jilly?

i got my fostering pack yesterday, i'll have to have a good talk with dh.


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## Becky39

Hello Ladies,

Just saw this thread. Im from Northern Ireland .... with the Southern Trust. We have just been approved (4 weeks ago) It took 22 mths from time of application to get here .... any questions, fire away   
xx


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## Jillyhen

Hey girlies

Welcome Becky congrats on being approved.

Still havent heard a thing from the sw about us having another go at ivf and able to carry on with the adoption.

Jillyhen x


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## wee emma

hiya Becky    have you heard how long it'll now take til you get a wee one?

aww Jilly, they must be driving you nuts.


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## Jillyhen

Em

Im cracking up.. I have the 2 days leave pencilled off for the course in 2 weeks and i need to let my senior know. if i need cover or not.

Jillyhen x


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## apparition

Hi JILLYHEN
I've had to be very firm and clear with our SW. I ask very specific and direct questions so they have to give me a proper answer.

I would be on the phone and say clearly that you need to know if you have a place on the course as you need to book the leave for work. Make sure you get a definate answer or date when they can give you one. 

It is terrible to have to be this way but it seems to be all they react to.

Good luck- we are not allowed on a prep-course until our med and police checks come back from a panel which I am told could be a month or two.

Keep thinking my poor kid is being abused right now and it is driving me up the walls - every month wasted is more time that child spends in care.   

Apps


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## Jillyhen

Hello girls

Sw rang and left a message on my answering machine, as she wasnt in the office this afternoon im to ring her tomoro.

The wait is awful apps

Jillyhen x


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## wee emma

good luck with them today jilly


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## Jillyhen

Well girls

Thats the 3rd thing to go wrong. I know you warn me and i appreciate that very much but we have to wait a year to go on the course even though we are still keen to adopt even if ivf does eventually work for us..

Im so gutted but at least i get 2 days leave back lol

Jillyhen :-(


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## galaxy girl

So sorry Jilly - do you have to wait a year between end of IVF and going on course or from now? I know some areas are different. I think it was six months after ivf and starting adoption process for us.... 

how did your chat with DH go Emma?

Hi Becky - remember you from NI girls.. good to hear your approved!

Apps - remember you too - thanks for shout out!


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## apparition

hI all

Jilly - I really feel for you - this whole thing makes you just scream   we're here when you need us!
All I can suggest is geet together with your SW as we did and explain you want to give the IVF a lsat go and god forbid it doesn't work you will be back to see her. Do the reading, dieting, volunteering etc whatever they will need in the mean time so your battle is halfway there if you want to get back into adoption. We had 1 IVF that failed and had thought about adoption rather than more but then my parents gave us money for a second and even then I was feeling the pull towards adoption but on discussion with the SW she suggested that we might regret not doing it and so we did, but it didmt work but I am happy to have given it a go. Although the whole time adoption was in my mind so I believe it was our journey to take - some feel more of a draw to the IVF. Good luck in whatever you choose.

Run out of tea break time so quick hi to everyone else.

Apps


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## Jillyhen

Apps

I did say that all to her last week, she said that same thing to what you mentionedvin your post. We both said that we where still interested in adoption even tho we wanted to try one last run at ivf and if that didnt work then we would take the adoption route.. I dont think hubby was 2 impressed with her anyway.. 

Jillyhen


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## molly777

Hiya Girls

I have being reading your tread and Galaxy Girl I have being following you for some time now, I'm glad the fostering is going so well
for you.

Just want to wish you all the very best I'm sure I will be on again (I hope). We have our Social Working calling around the first time today

all the best to you all

Molly777


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## Jillyhen

Hi Molly

Welcome to the thread..

Hope all goes well with the social worker, she will ask you everything.

Jillyhen


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## galaxy girl

thanks Molly.... is going well I think!! Am sooo exhausted. managing work and being responsible for 2 kids is knackering!! Loving it though. hope your visit went well!
GG


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## apparition

Hi ALL
Congrats GG - how do you find the being assessed for both?

Did anyone see my thread about being non-religious? Any thoughts on how it might go down with the SW?

Hang in there Jillyhen!   

National adoption week next week - anyone doing anything? good time to get the folks thinking all about it.

Best wishes to all
Apps


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## Jillyhen

Hey girlies

Did you read in the paper that they hope to shorten the lenght of time it takes for adoption to go through..

Im still a bit peeved that we cant go thru this year if they are crying out for adoptive parents and yet they wont let us proceed until we finally finish with ivf..

Molly how did you get on?

Jillyhen


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## galaxy girl

Apps - I think it speeded process up being assessed for both - they often recomend you do be dually approved as you can then foster your potential adoptive child before all the legal process is completed finally - which can take some months. it is the same process just extra stuff for adopters. we did have to attend to prep courses though. but glad we did. then we have been able to offer respite fostering at weekends..... great experience. we have had a variety of children of different ages to stay. 

I did see your thread on religion. i don't think it will be an issue. I am religious and was worried it would be negatively percieved but it wasn't. I think they take you as are. they are keen that you will acept any differences your child might have - eg being gay. the one thing about NI is their are two waiting lists based on the two religions.... they will ask which religious community you identify with ......


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## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

How are you all?

Jillyhen


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## Worththewait

hi ladies havent been on in a while, sorry that ur so frustrated jilly, weve had a few visits from our sw and they have been pretty intense, but at the end she always explains why she has asked what she has asked and turns it into a positive for us.  she told us she hopes to have us to panel for approval by april all going well as she only gets to see us sometimes every 2 r 3 weeks. she mentioned about being dually approved also which we r considering as the thought of a child being passed from pillar to post before it finally reaches us annoys me. we're excited that she has give us something to look forward to.


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## galaxy girl

Have been approached with a match!!! YYYEEEAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!


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## apparition

Congratulations Galaxy Girl - keep us all posted.

Apps


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## Jillyhen

COngrats galaxy girl

Jillyhen


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## apparition

Hi ALL
Sure you're all really busy.

Medicals came back and despite us both being 2 points over the recommended BMI of 28 we are *not* going to be held back from the process.

Such a relief but we have to 'see our doctor for dietery advice'. At least we can relax a little over Christmas.

Check in with you all soon.

Apps


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## apparition

Hi ALL
How are things going with everyone?

We are waiting now for the prep course which could be in March.

Anyone at the same stage?

Apps


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## Jillyhen

Hey apps

I havent been this thread in ages.. We have started another course of ivf so will how things go.

Still keen on the adoption route also.

Jillyhen


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## galaxy girl

apps could be worth posting on the adoption chat thread - their are plenty of people there at the same stage


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## IamEsmerelda

hi Galaxy Girl

You were matched a couple of months ago...have things moved smoothly? Do you have your child? We've got panel at the end of the month - have you got any advice?!

Es


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## galaxy girl

HI esmerelda

Panel for us is next week - if all goes to plan they should be home by end of the month! So I don't really have any advice yet!!..... tell me more about your match!


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## IamEsmerelda

Hiya,

Sorry, wasn't very clear; we're going to panel at the end of the month to be, hopefully, approved to adopt. We hope to adopt internationally but interestingly, social worker asked whether we'd be interested in a domestic adoption if our criteria was met. I'd been under he impression this was very very unlikely...

Es


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## apparition

We have been told the course won't be until May now - an extra three months. And they won't start the Home study in the meantime.

Can anyone share with me their adoption timetables?

Should I push for a more definate timetable becuase after all the years at the Royal I am fed up being strung along?

Now there is a poor abused child at stake not just our want for a child.

I had thought the process was going to speed up not slow down.

HELP!!
Thanks APPS


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## IamEsmerelda

We did the course spring 2010 and could have started our homestudy by the end of the year. In the event we started the paperwork in spring 2011 and the interviews in the summer and hope to be approved shortly. I think you can have your appointments every week or every two weeks but they are fairly intense and there is a fair bit of homework so you may prefer to have them more spread out. If you have a straightforward life story I think it should only take about 6 interviews but if you have any issues they want to delve into deeper it could take longer.


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## Worththewait

hi gg do u mind me asking, how soon after u were dually approved you started the respite fostering, and how often u did it, was it every weekend, once a month kind of thing? we r going to approval panel shortly to be dually approved and i have i just wanted an honest opinion, rather than the typical sw airing on the side of caution response.  Thanks


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## Worththewait

thanks galaxy girl did u say u'd go down the permanent care route to adoption? our social worker is really pushing for us to do this as she says that we will likely get a child placed with us quicker.


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## galaxy girl

WTW - have PM'd you. 

Its all agreed - we start introductions next monday!!!!!


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## wee emma

is that today gg?

good luck


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## galaxy girl

no next monday wee Emma.Still so much to do before then!


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## wee emma

oh how exciting    

tell us what happens


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## apparition

All excited for you - good luck and many blessings this week.

Thanks for all the guidlines - really disappointed about the three month delay.

Just when you think the system is going to speed up - is this type of delay normal?

Thanks

Apps


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## Becky39

Hello Ladies

Havent been on in agessss ... you asked about timelines, mine is:

Nov 2009 - Enquired to adopt
4 mths later
March/April 2010 - Prep to adopt course
4 mths later (total 8mths)
July/August 2010 - Medicals/police checks etc done
8 mths later (total 16 mths) 
April 2011 - Home studies start
6 mths later (total 22 mths) 
Sept 2011 - Approved 
6 mths later (total 28 mths) 
Still waiting for a match .... 
All in all since first enquiry - 2 years and 4 mths!!!

Its not an easy process, and the wait after approval for a match is the worst thing ever cos u dont hear from your sw, after being so busy with home studies etc for 6 mths - everything just stops! Been to a few meetings but still feel in limbo and the wait is killing me ...

How is everyone else getting on


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## Worththewait

hi becky39 do u mind if i ask what trust u are waiting so long with, and if u had very specific criteria i.e young baby? we r going for approval panel soon and its scarey to think we would be waiting as long as urself


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## zen

We are not that far behind you in timeframes Becky. 

First call January 2010
Prep course March 2010
Medicals/CRB July 2010
Homestudy started Sept 2010
Panel May 2011
Coming up on 12 months approved.

Nothing on the horizon. Whatever timelines are being quoted they are definately average and there are a lot of us waiting a long time post approval.


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## Becky39

Hey Zen: Ive just emailed you lol .. wanted to ask you a quickie question (u know me, full of them lol) 

Worth the Wait: Im with Southern Trust, really speaking after approval they do say give it at least 12 mths, so we have a while to go yet before we can start screaming at them! And like Zen says, she has been waiting for a match near on a year now ... some get quicker, depends on your criteria! We are approved for 1 child or a sibling group of 2 - aged 0 - 6yrs so not a hard match really, Which trust are you with?


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## Worththewait

ladies ur doing great with the waiting. we are with the northern trust and things r done a little differently in all the trusts i have found. we have been approached to consider concurrent care, as have been advised that the childrens sw's are asking for those kind of adoptors more and more now.  our sw said that the last 5 children she has placed with adoptive parents on the waiting list was through concurrent care. people are waiting so long, they are being reviewed and changing their criteria to either permanent care or concurrent care to avoid waiting much longer. obviously there is more risk with concurrent care, but its something we r taking very seriously.  Hope u's get some good news soon


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## Magoogle

Hi guys didn't realise there was a ni thread on adoption.... Which is great!! Currently just finishes off home visits and hope to be in front of the board in early summer. It's been a rocky road but hopefully worth it in the end 

Mags xx


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## galaxy girl

Hi everyone! thought I'd do a wee update.... All going well. we are loving having our 2 boys home. No time to do anything which was just what I wanted!!

I can and does happen!!


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## zen

Hi worth the wait, our SW told us the same thing when we started out but when pushed on it more she had to admit it was a way of meeting targets. I am aware of one family almost two years into concurrent and the freeing order is still not in place. My employer will not recognise concurrent fostering as even though it is fostering with a view to adopt it is not a placement to adopt until the very end, therefore no benefits!! Several others are in the same position.

My advice, don't be pushed into something by a SW just because they quote statistics, they might be hard pushed to substantiate those stats if you asked for more evidence. Sometimes SW forget we all talk to each other. 

Hope this doesn't come across as bring negative. We have a good relationship with our SW. The wait so far has been grand as we know our family are out there and are probably not on the same path as us yet.


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## Magoogle

Hi everyone 

Zen can I just check our sw talked about getting a match sooner by fostering first with a view to adopt rather than the child being moved from pillar to post. She said I would still be entitled to adopt leave etc is this not the case or is it down to the employer?

Thx
Mags xx


----------



## zen

While SS will provide a letter stating this is a placement with the view to adoption, it is up to the employer to accept it. I am aware of several couples in concurrent placements with no financial support from employers due to them not having to recognise such a placement. 

It's probably due to employers not understanding adoption and the need to place children earlier rather than later.

Make the decision that is right for you not just because SS say you will get a child quicker.


----------



## Becky39

Zen,
Did u get my email last week?


----------



## apparition

Developments in England
Has anyone been keeping an eye on the developments in England through Adoption UK?
Does anyone know if our politicians plan to take these on board also - has anyone heard if they have made any announcements?

I am considering asking Adoption UK or some of our MLAs if they have any similar plans to overhaul our system as it seems completely up in the air with different boards doing different things with no consistency.

What does eveyone think?

Love your input.

Thanks Apps


----------



## Magoogle

Has this thread moved?  

Mags


----------



## Becky39

I dont think so, its just gone very quiet in here ....I guess there is no news for people to post .... things are really slow and im getting very fed up waiting .... and waiting!!! Not getting any younger - 44 this year ... big sighs!!
How are things with u Mags??
x


----------



## galaxy girl

Hi all! Still here but not a lot to post and so busy these days!! It's all going well with the boys. Loving having them home.


----------



## apparition

Hi all
yes very quiet - hang in there Becky. Have your SW got you on ARIS?

DH and I are on the prep course at the moment - going over a lot of old material but lovely meeting lots of similar people.

Anyone on here doing the prep course too?

Feel like we are getting somewhere at least for now.

Thanks Apps


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

Just thought i would pop on to see how everyone is..

galaxy congrats on your wee boys, im sure you are loving every minute..

We are still hoping to try adoption at some stage, did have another ivf go recently, we got pregnant but sadly miscarried..

If we do try for adoptions is it any quicker of you say you would take a family?

I would love to ring the social worker now, but i know she will say that we have to wait a year..

Jillyhen


----------



## apparition

Hi Jillyhen
I am so sorry your treatment didnt work for you and your DH - sending you     

I, and all the others here can understand your hurt and are here for you. You sound like you are holding up well.#

Our 2nd IVF failed last February but we were able to get signed up in the September - maybe your SW will feel you are able to move on - I DON'T THINK THE YEAR WAIT IS MANDATORY!
It all seems to move very slowly at first anyway and if you feel adoption is for you which we did even before the IVF then why not give it a shot.

Be gentle on yourself though.

Apps


----------



## Becky39

Jillyhen,
Im so sorry to hear ur news. Its heartbreaking i know. Take plenty of time before u make ur decision to adopt, be sure that giving up treatment is the right thing for you. Its hard to give up and i found that i needed some 'greiving' time. When we did our last IVF i think i already knew before the results that we were going to go for adoption if it didnt work. We had discussed it at length first, had to be sure we were committed to take on the process that adoption brings. 
Once u have come to that decision, then dont hold back. We had our last IVF which ended in BFN in August and rung SW in November and was accepted by them ... just 3 mths after the cycle, so dont be put off by the rumours that they like u to wait a year, they just need to be sure that you are committed. Its a long hard struggle, the whole process has already taken us 2 and half years and we are still waiting. It takes a lot of patients and in the last 2 and half years - ive thrown my toys out of my pram plenty of times (obvisouly to hubby and not SW lol) ive cried, ive laughed, and ive had wobbles wondering if what we are doing is the right thing, but im still here (all be it a little older and a few more grey hairs lol) but here all the same. 
Be good to yourself, give yourself at least 2 mths before picking up the phone to the sw, go back to clinic for ur review and ask if its worth another go. Origin told us there was no point in wasting our money, save it, live your life, have nice holidays (yes, they actually said that to us!!) or think about adoption&#8230; .. So here we are, 2 and a half years in &#8230;. 
I hope your taking good care of yourself xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Thanks girls

This is definitely our last go..

We had told her the last time that we would like to have one more go with ivf and if that failed we would still like to adopt..  We told her if having our own child was possible we still would give a home to another.. My husband is adopted and thats another reason.

Do you think i could give them a ring and say our ivf journey is over even tho my parents have offered to pay for another go!! I would feel bad lying though...

Jillyhen x


----------



## Magoogle

Hi guys

I know it's a long hog... I was hoping to be up for the board in June but medicals still not back and more than likely gonna be July now! Have decided to do concurrent care and hoping it all works out... Jillyhen sorry about your news xx  becky39 hope you will hear some good news soon... Galaxy girl glad you are being kept busy  xx
Mags xx


----------



## apparition

Hi all
finished the Adoption preparation classes yesterday - big step over but very drained.

All worst case scenarios but very scary - definately think the trust are using it as a filtering mechanism.

Hoping it isn't too long until the the home study.

Hope all well.

Apps


----------



## Worththewait

hi everyone,
my goodness its been so long since ive been on the forum, just very busy with work and everything, that i thought i had logged on to the wrong page. took me a while to find this lol 

News with us is that we are going to panel 6th June all being well. Just had social worker visit last week with final report and left it back this morning to go to the approval panel this wednesday.  Really exciting.  we have decided to go the concurrent care route as its something we think we can handle and work well with.  Its true that Human resources dont recognise concurrent care when handing out adoption leave, but its something we are prepared to live with.  

Cannot believe that we are at this stage already.  U start the adoption journey with certain expectations, but life goes on in the meantime and all of a sudden ur going to approval panel.  

So any of u guys waiting to go through the process, hang in there as it really does go so fast!


----------



## Irish Daffodil

Hi  Everyone,

Do you mind if we join you? We started our preparation course last week and would appreciate any advice/tips you can give us.

Look forward to getting to know you all.

xx


----------



## galaxy girl

Worth the wait !!!! Exciting stuff!!!!

Welcome Irish daffodil ! Any questions ask away


----------



## belfastgirl

Hi guys
Im just going to jump on the bandwagon here too. After waiting a year from our failed ivf cycle we have also decided to go down the adoption route, specifically concurrent care. We have met with the agency (not going through the trust - waiting times are scandalous!) and are now waiting on our forms and first meeting with the SW to put in our formal adoption interest.

Is there anyone else on here going through an agency or is everyone going through the trust?

I think i am more nervous with applying for adoption than i was with applying for the ivf treatment lol, worrying about people coming into my house and declaring if its good enough or if im good enough. I know they will just be being thorough and careful and obviously we have nothing to hide or any issues but its still nerve wrecking!! lol


----------



## galaxy girl

It Is scary belfast girl... But at the same time so much more positive than ivf!! At least it was for me. I went through trust so can't help on the va thing.


----------



## Becky39

Hello Ladies 
Welcome Irish Daff, and Belfastgirl   

Waiting list is huge, but i heard that the VA's children are usually the children that Trust cant place Maybe im wrong so please dont quote me on that. From initial phone call, we have been spot on 2 1/2 years. Have been approved for 7 mths (near to 8 now) so the wait goes on, but we are atm looking at 2 links (1 lo and a sibling group of 2) waiting on full profiles of these children to come through. We are the only couple being considered for these children, so no pressure like!!!! 

Am loving this weather here .... altho im stuck in work, but its to be like this till at least Sunday (according to the BBC weather) and i dont work Fridays .... so here's to the weekend    im stocking up on the BBQ coal and the wine


----------



## apparition

Hi ALL
Welcome Belfast girl - afraid we're going with trust too but interested in how the agency works out.
Welcome Irish daffodil -were you on the Bangor prep course? I was so we might know each other already.

Had to recontact the trust as I had heard nothing since saying we were continuing on. Our SW sick so delays as always but hoping she is back next week and we can get the ball rolling.

Anyone any advice how things normally go from here?

Thanks


----------



## Irish Daffodil

Hi Apparition, no i'm at the Southern Trust one, its the last one this week.


----------



## Jillyhen

Morning ladies

Is there long waiting lists with the adoption agencies??

I still havent contacted the sw again as we are having our 3rd & final go of ivf.. 

Jillyhen


----------



## Becky39

Hi Jilly,

Without putting a downer on this for you, but Yes, the waiting lists are huge. We have been going thru this process since November 2009 when we first enquired about adoption. Thats 2 and a half years now ... so long enough!

Good luck with your 3rd attempt, i knew from your earlier post that you wernt ready to give up yet, and the sw would have seen this too. Not much point in you ringing them cos they will need to make sure you have exhausted all avenues and are truly ready to give up treatment (which clearly you arnet) and give your full commitment to an adopted child. Adopted children come with a LOT of baggage and you have to prepare yourself for taking on someone else child, i am finding it difficult at the moment with a link we have, and have had to dig really deep to figure out weather we can handle this or not. 
Please, put adoption to the back of your mind and consentrate fully on your next round of IVF, u will know in your heart of hearts when to give up - like i said in my post to you before, giving up is NOT easy and you will need time to grieve ... something which i truly believe you are not ready for just yet. 
Keep us posted with your progress and i truly hope that this works for u this time ... good luck sweetie    Xxxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Becky

When the social worker was round with us last september we where honest and said that we would still consider adoption even though we wanted 1 more ivf..
We have both agreed that this is or last go with ivf and hubby doesnt want to put me through any more treatment. We would have ended with the last go but then i did get pregnant and sadly miscarried..
We understand how hard adoption is due to hubby being adopted.

Thanks mrs
Jillyhen


----------



## Becky39

Jilly,

I didnt think for ONE second that you hadnt thought honestly about this. 

Just reading between the lines of your post a few weeks ago, i had a feeling that you hadnt finished with IVF. 

Ive been thre too (we had 4 goes and a miscarriage too) so i know how hard it is to walk away from it, sorry if i offended you, it wasnt my intention, i truly hope this does work out for you, and yes, i understand that u know how hard adoption is being as your husband is adopted, most kids up for adoption these days have problems, most have issues with learning difficulties and global development delay is what i was getting at. If you have a chance to have your own BC then i dont blame you ... 

Good Luck


----------



## apparition

Hi all
Hi Irish Daffodill - pity you're ina a different area. 
How you finding the course? We thought it was heavy going but valuable to meet others.

Hope all well.


Apps


----------



## Worththewait

hi all,
couldnt wait to share our news.  been to panel today and we were approved to adopt 2 children aged 0-4 through concurrent care. dh and i are over the moon. just a matter of waiting until our child is ready to meet us.


----------



## galaxy girl

Worth the wait !!! Brilliant news!


----------



## kmchug

Hi. Im from NI also. I'm new to all of this. Just looking for info and advice. I attend rvh fertility clinic. Recently married and have early menopause


----------



## Jillyhen

worth the wait..

Fantastic news..


----------



## Becky39

Dunno how many of you have read my other post on main board 'childs sw vist possible link' &#8230; but we have had to turn down a child and are really upset  
I didn't tell anyone in this thread as we didn't know which way it was going to go, and I didn't want to say too much as there was a chance this child would be (could be, and quite possibly will be) linked with someone here also. After gathering the info we were very excited, talked so much and really felt this was it ... but upon gathering further info re medicals etc, we soon realised that this child will need ongoing support throughout their adult life and we had to think of our BC and what impact it would have on them should anythng happen to us. 
Heartbreakingly we made the decision not to go ahead with this match, it took us weeks to finally come to that decision, we have known about LO since end of March so it has been a drawn out process. 
Back to the waiting list again now &#8230; so fed up!


----------



## apparition

Hi ALL
Welcome kmchug - ask away!

Congratulations Worththewait - here's hoping they have someone in mind for you.

Becky39 - really feel for you and understand. I know we would have taken the exact same decision.
The sw should have made a more suitable match but I have heard that they try to push boundaries.
It takes real courage to make clear what you feel you can handle - the right child will come to you.

All our referees have been busy filing in the forms and I am so grateful to have such wonderful friends willing to do this for us.

Lots of love Apps


----------



## Becky39

Sorry, i should have explained a bit better. 
SW never came to us with this match, we found lo at the open day they had in Belfast.
This is where sw's from all over NI come and bring along details of their children that they find it hard to place. And it was here we found lo.
We got a little info and a photograph that day (also had dvd with them to show everyone) So we had already seen lo running and playing etc, then we asked for more information, which we got and then a week later got medicals .... that's when we realised there was a lot more to this than we first thought. 

Havent had a link yet with SW's at all ...


----------



## Becky39

[/quote]


Worththewait said:


> hi all,
> couldnt wait to share our news. been to panel today and we were approved to adopt 2 children aged 0-4 through concurrent care. dh and i are over the moon. just a matter of waiting until our child is ready to meet us.


How did i miss this?
Brilliant news WTW, well done, are u still on cloud 9 lol Xx


----------



## Irish Daffodil

worththewait - congratulations


----------



## Irish Daffodil

Evening Everyone,

I'm looking for some advice, we have completed our prep course and we have our SW coming tomorrow (the 1st time he's been to our house) to get out checks started. Can anyone tell me what to expect? 

xx


----------



## happy girl

Hi
I'm from Northern Ireland and I'm just starting out on the adoption journey.  I would be interested to hear from anyone who have adopted with Family care and what they thought.  We are thinking of applying to adopt with them.  I am excited that we are on this journey, moreso than when I was going down the medical route.

Many thanks


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

How are we all??

I havent been on here in ages as we wanted to have another go with ivf..
We are still considering adoption & ive been in contact with the social work team..
Have you just gone through your local health trust or agency??

Jillyhen


----------



## Irish Daffodil

Hi Jillyhen,

So sorry to read your news    we just went through our local trust, they sent us out some information and then we went in and had a chat with a social worker about the process etc.

xx


----------



## apparition

Hi Guys
apologies for not being on but we are in the middle of our home visits - very nerve wracking bt OK.

We went through our local authority and have a lovely social worker. There was a small delay after starting last September but now things are moving along.

We gave IVF a last go but had the social workers on board before we decided for definate - they saw that we were serious.

Hope all goes well.
Apps


----------



## Jillyhen

Gosh apps

We said that we where serious also and would have consider adoption regardless of having another go at ivf..

I hope we dont get the same social worker, i didnt really like her!!

Jillyhen


----------



## Arliparli

Hi there , I would like to introduce myself , moved to lisburn from Scotland and have decided to go for adoption. I live in county down and have just received the info pack from my local authority. Just reading through it and await the next step. 


Nice to meet you all x x


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

Just a wee update..

Welcome Arliparli

Our social workers where very adamanat that we had to finish all things ivf before being considered for adoption. Unless you keep it hush

I spoke to a lovely social worker today.. We should get on the 3 day course in october..

I have said we are interested in dual adoption.. Is this right word ??

Would also take a family..

Jillyhen


----------



## Worththewait

Hi everyone, havent been on in ages either have just been waiting and havent had anything to report.  Welcome to all the newbies, hope i can be of some support.  Just would like to say Jillyhen, there is no point trying to keep ivf hush hush as they ask your consultant for your dates of last visit/attempts at ttc, so they'll find out anyway.  We went through the Northern Trust for anyone querying route of adoption. Went on our course last april/may, started home study this time last year and got approved in June for 2 children  0-4 age group and decided to go through the concurrent care adoption route.  As this is relatively new and portrayed as a risky route of adoption we were naturally concerned but decided to give it a go regardless as it is deemed better for the child.  

Our risk paid off.  Just 2 months later we have been linked with a 2yr old boy.  He sounds perfect and we start introductions in a fortnight.  We r so excited.  If we had waited until he was freed by the court, we would have been up against a big pool of potential adopters and may not have gotten him.  This way there is minimal disruption for him, we get him younger and we had no time at all to wait.


----------



## galaxy girl

Worth the wait . Great news!

Jillyhen do you mean concurrent care or dual approval? Ie can foster child until adoption order through. 

Sorry cant help happy girl . We went through local trust


----------



## Angie Baby

Hi ladies thought i would join this thread im 27 dh is 32 from lisburn. My husband and I have decided to.go.down the adoption route after our 3rd failed ivf. Altough its heartbreaking knowing i wont have my own.child but i know adopting will be just be as satisfying and will make my dream come true of being a mother. We contacted the family care society in belfast and recieved the paperwork sw said it would be 8-10 months to be approved. Recievef information about the concurrent project but im undecided as i dont know if i could take the emotional risk if the child was placed back with their birth parents. Would like to.chat with any lovely ladies thats starting adoption or has went through it to get some advice etc.


----------



## apparition

Hi all
Apologies fire not being on but Hubbies had changed  and I have been busy doing all the cooking now. Also been very busy with the home study. SW had given us loss of home work to do.

Welcome Angie &  Arliparli. I'm from Lisburn too.DH and I are adopting through the social workers in this area and find them be very nice. Due our third home study visit this week.
Happy to answer any questions you might have but not sure how much help I can be.
Love to all.
Apps


----------



## wee emma

Weird or what. Seems to be a wee Lisburn club lol


I'm from Lisburn too (and my husband is Scottish!).


----------



## Jillyhen

lol wee emma

im def a blow in then im up in the north west..

Are any of you ladies going through adoption with the northern trust ??

galaxy girl i mean the dual approved duh...

Still waiting to hear about the course in october..

I was wondering can you apply for special leave for the adoption course??

Jillyhen


----------



## Angie Baby

Hi lisburn ladies lol hope yous are doing well. I had my first interview with family care society today to be honest i was not impressed at all i felt like the social worker was lookin down on us she even said i was very young to be adopting im 27 hubby is 32. She said we have to wait 6 months r last failed ivf was in august but honestly i feel so content and happy that we have started the adoption route i dont feel we need to wait. I might contactthe down.lisburn.trust about adoption. 

Apprition- did you have to wait from your  last ivf before they let u started how long have u been going through the adoption process? How r u finding it.

If any off you lisburn ladies fancy meeting for a chat message me


----------



## Jillyhen

Angie

I felt the same when we had our inital visit from the social worker, didnt really warm to her at all.

We had been told a year after ivf but when i rang 2 weeks ago n said about the recent ivf & having the miscarriage she was happy enough for us to go on the course this time. Our ivf journey is over anyway.


Jillyhen


----------



## apparition

Hi all
we had a meeting with the SW before our second and last IVF to help us decide wether to go ahead with it or not as I wasn't keen but our parents had given us the money. She realised then that we were not focused purely on our own child. When the IVF failed in Feb 2011 she was happy for us to go ahead but wanted us to come to a group meeting which wasn't until the May and then then during the summer there were letters back and forward and medicals until we officially signed up last September. So while we didn't wait 6  months to get started it was about that before we officially signed up. Waiting for the preparation class was the long wait but after that everything has moved ahead well.

We get on really well with our SW bur feel she definately likes a professional distance - think we could all get on well if it wasn't for that.

Go ahead and give them a shout and see what they can offer.

Would be interested in meeting up in Lisburn if anyone is interested - PM me if you are.

Apps


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls

How is everyone??

We have got our dates for the adoption preparation course in November..

So excited but nervous that its def happening..

Anyone else going on the course in November in Ballymoney??

Jillyhen x


----------



## over the rainbow

Hi everyone

I'm new to this board but have been lurking for a long time and have finally plucked up the courage to post! 

DH and I are with the northern board (Carrick) & to say we have found it slow would be an understatement - we first  enquired in Jan '11 and had to wait until Nov '11 for an information evening and since then there has been a big fat nothing!! We have phoned them every 6-8 weeks just to make sure we are not missed for any reason but each time we are told the same thing 'nothing happening at the minute' at Easter they told us we could maybe go to a prep course somewhere else but when we pushed for this they then told us there weren't any others on and that we had just missed out timewise. Frustrating!! Anyway point is Jillyhen I was wondering what dates the Ballymoney one is? I would really like to see if we could go to it so was thinking if I rang Carrick with the details they might actually do something about it! 

Thank you x


----------



## Becky39

Hello All, 
Its been 1 year and 5 days now since we were approved to adopt ... we have had no approach for a link, not been considered for any children .... nothing!!
Im with the southern trust, i hate the fact there are 2 lists of children as 'our' list seems to be going dead slow, only in Northern Ireland eh?
Been going thru this since Nov 2009 now, 3 years coming up ... really fed up lately


----------



## Jillyhen

over the rainbow

Im the same trust as you, i think there is a shortage of social workers. We have never attended an information evening. The dates we are going are the 20th,27th November & 4th december.
Hope you get something sorted.

becky, thats a bit crap and i know what you mean about the 2 lists..

My sister informed me that there is loads of children looking to be adopted in Middlesborough.. I joked with hubby n said we should move over  which would mean i would be near my sister

Jillyhen


----------



## maybee

Hi everyone,

I've been following this forum for a while and thought it about time to say 'hello!' 

I had a failed IVF in May due to zero fertilisation and a catalogue of interventions including open abdominal surgery 10 months ago to remove a large fibroid. My DH and I have been together for 18 years- married for 4- childhood sweethearts I guess!! We've always imagined ourselves with a family and th last 4 years have been nothing short of a roller coaster that we both want desperately to get off! 

We've been discussing adoption for a while now and rang to make an initial enquiry. The girl we spoke to was so short with us and said basically- long list of people waiting and we will get back to you! Since then we've heard nothing! 

I wondering girls if I should look into private agencies? Overseas? Really not sure what to do!

I've talked with my cousin who is adoption social worker in England and she can't understand he slowness of the system here! 

Becky I'm from the southern board also- any advice how to get things moving? I can't believe you have been waiting all this time for a match..... what the heck is going on with that list?!! Are there very few children on the list in this area? 

Sorry for so many questions - we just feel a bit lost at the moment. 

Xx


----------



## galaxy girl

Hi all. 

Becky sending hugs and willing the phone to ring for you!

Maybee I would phone back and ask for an info pack. Apparently theres a DVD ! When we first phoned we got a Sw visit a couple of weeks later and we are same trust. 

I would advise you to think about fostering as well. They are crying out for foster carers


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello girls

How are we all doing?

Any news Becky?

Over the rainbow, have you got any further?

We have our social worker calling round tonight just to see if anything has changed since we saw her last year.

Jillyhen


----------



## maybee

Hi girls

Jillyhen- how did the sw visit go?

Galaxy girl- thanks or your advice- I rang again and after talking to someone and then having letter sent to us saying they needed birth dates and other surnames then ringing back and being told the girl we were told to contact was off sick........ Eventually got the pack and DVD. Hope the whole chaos of trying to get a pack is not a sign of what has to come!!!!

After watching the DVD we have lots to think about. I was with my GP last week and he advised one more try with ICSI before giving up and moving on the adoption direction. I'm in 2 minds as I hated the whole IVF process and have been through so much in the past 2 years with MRI's, abdominal surgery to remove a huge fibroid and then an emotionally draining IVF without reaching EC. 
After discussion with DH I know for certain that I want a family which ever way they come to us. 

Xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hey maybee

Do whatever is right for you. It isnt the dr who has to take all the drugs..

Went ok, she wasnt going to let us attend the course in November due to having the miscarriage start of August said we may have to wait but them i said to her that i had done all the crying and was definitely focused on the adoption plus if we had to wait until next year we would be a year older and we where adamant that there would be no more ivf.

Seemed to come round after that. She was very nice this time.

How are you other lovely ladies getting on?

Jillyhen


----------



## Becky39

Hello Everyone, 
Well, we are still here - still waiting .... going greyer by the day. Really getting annoyed with it all now, especially with the news on this week, that they are allowing civil partnerships and same sex couples to adopt (thats not what im annoyed about) im annoyed cos minister came on the tv and said there were 2644 children here in Northern Ireland waiting to be adopted by a forever family ... only 91 children were adopted last year! How the hell can they stand there and say that, when people like me and my hubby have been approved for 14 months and are still waiting!!! Not even been approached with a link ... its not like we have high expectations or anything, we are approved to adopt a sibling group age 0-6. The social services have aris events, with profiles of children that they cant place, we attend and there are just 7 children profiled!!! Where on earth are these 2644 children who the ministers here are crying out for adoptive parents for? I tell you what, as pleased as i am that the law here is changing for civil partnerships etc, but i pray to god that they have a whole lot of patience, cos after 14 mths, mine is running out! 
Sorry for rant ... i hope everyone else is doing ok and that things are moving on nicely for u all    Xxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Becky

Thats what i dont understand.

They are crying out for people to adopt and there is children available, some are in the system for a long time  but yet the whole thing takes forever to go through..

When i mentioned i had my last miscarriage in August the sw wasnt sure if she was going to let us continue on with going on the course in November.. 

Jillyhen


----------



## Becky39

Thats great Jilly,
The prep course is very informative and does help a lot. 
I had to wait a whole year after the prep course to be assigned a sw, so i hope its not as long for you. After ur prep course, fill in all the relavent forms, get them ikn post - wait about 3 weeks, and ring them, and keep ringing them every few weeks .... 
Good Luck  
x


----------



## Jillyhen

Thanks Becky

We received our letter yesterday confirming our place on the course

Any news on your end?

Jillyhen


----------



## over the rainbow

Hi all! Hope everyone is doing ok.

Jillyhen - I'm sure you are so glad to get the letter of confirmation especially if the sw was a bit iffy during her visit about you attending. 

Becky39 - I can only imagine how frustrating this wait for you is. It is so difficult to hear about the number of children currently in care in Northern Ireland + how NI is so desperate for people think about fostering/adoption and yet here we all are waiting + waiting - I have waited 2 years for a prep course and I know there is a lot more waiting ahead of me!!

Hello to everyone else - hope everyone's journey is progressing nicely.

After many phonecalls and us pushing to get on any prep course anywhere in NI........we finally got a letter inviting us to a prep course within our local area in December/Jan -we first enquired about adoption 2 years ago so we are super excited!!


----------



## apparition

Hi ALL
I hate hearing about the delays.
I promised myself after all the delays with  the Royal and hearing about all the desperate kids I wasn't going to take delay.
I have hounded the social workers so I think they want me through the sysytem as fast as possible - just keep chipping away.
My social worker is really lovely but I know they are under severe pressure too and funding cuts.
Just let them know you are still there and still determined to be a parent - having you adopt takes one more child off their list.

For all - Suffolk library in Belfast is putting loads of free books and leaflets on display and for borrowing for National Adoption Week next week, if any one is interested. A lot of the stuff you may not have had the opportunity to have seen before.

Thanks Aps


----------



## Becky39

3 Years to the day when we first applied to adopt ... Happy Anniversary!!
1 year and 2 months since approval ... 

But we have only gone ond done it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MATCHED!!!!!!!!!!

Siblings, wee boy and wee girl ... aged 4 and 2 ...

Have aleady started shopping and got a stroller, new wallpaper, paint, child cupboard locks .... but loadsssss more to get .... im so excited!!!!

Its taken so long but we have finally got there .... never thought i would be posting this post .... 

No dates for intros yet, more than likely after christmas and into new year (fine with us, will let us get our house child friendly lol) 

And its national adoption week this week ....!!! Happy Dayz .....


----------



## Jillyhen

Wow Becky

What brilliant news.. Congratulations to you both..

Amazing news

2 weeks till we start our course.Cant wait

Jillyhen


----------



## apparition

Congratulations Becky   
Fantastic news, so happy for you. 
Have lots if fun and enjoy - you have waited long enough.

We'll all get there some day too.

Good luck on the course jillyhen.

Apps


----------



## over the rainbow

Congratulations Becky - fantastic news!! Hope you are enjoying shopping for your little ones xx

Jillyhen - i'm sure you are getting very excited about prep course, ours starts 3rd Dec + I'm really looking forward to it!

Aps - how are things going for you? Can i ask what stage your at?


----------



## apparition

Hi ALL
just a quick pop in.
Good luck on the course -ask plenty of testing questions.

O-T-R We are 3/4 of the way through our home study and our referees are about to be interviewed.
Gets easier each week.

Thanks Apps


----------



## maybee

Hi girls

Becky- wow! Great news. You must feel over the moon after such a long wait. 

Jillyhen- not long now until prep course. Looking forward to Hearn how it went.

Apparition- great you are nearly through he home study. We are at the ver beginning o our journey and really hav no clue!.... Can I ask how many referees you had to provide and is this a mix of family and friends?

AFU- we made an initial enquiry a few months ago and were eventually sent all the pack. Well from then it really has been 'all systems go!!' We've decided to try ICSI for one more time (so we can move on) The SW emailed me and asked if we wanted to continue with enquiry- we explained our situation and that we are trying ICSI one more time but were aware of long waiting times for adoption and didn't want our enquiry 'lost'- she suggested a chat to discuss and plan a way forward. She is coming to our him on Wednesday!!! 
I'm not sure what I should be asking and am a little apprehensive about her visit. All sorts of things are floating round in my head- I know she needs to wait to see the outcome of our next treatment but a bit worried she will say .. Contact me in a year. 
Any ideas or suggestions for things I should ask? 

Thanks m


----------



## Jillyhen

maybee

When we made the inital enquiry into adoption last year, the se came out for a chat. I said then i wanted to give ivf another try, she had to go away and speak to her senior as there was a course running end oct 11. Unfortuntely they wouldnt let us go on the course whilst trying to have our own thru ivf..

After 2 miscarriages i contacted them again and the sw wasnt even sure again about us going on the course this year due it all being raw and that it may be up to a year before they would let us.

Luckily for us we where both adamant that adoption was the journey we wanted to take and that there wouls be no more ivf.. They dont like you doing bith as you need to give 100% or thats what she told me.

We had our 1st class yesterday i nearly broke down a couple of times, especially when they handed round casestudies.. Thats our adoption journey started..

Jillyhen


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

Hi girls, new to here, hi jillyhen!

We found out just yesterday than our second go at ivf our egg didn't fertilise, we had said we would only have 2 goes at Ivf and would consider adoption, know its a bloody long road ahead.

Still mulling things over and everything is so raw, just looking into what the process is and where the hell do u start.

Probably wont do anything for a while just wanna know what it entails as we are so blessed with our little son we are trying to think of the impact it will have on him.


Good luck everyone with your journey
Xxx


----------



## galaxy girl

Hello all,


Jilly great stuff on prep course... It is emotional and they chuck everything at you I think to see if you can cope. 


Keeping positive .so sorry your treatment didn't work, I've been there. Think  your doing the right thing re waiting and exploring your options. We took 6 months after treatment to try and come to terms with it. Didn't plan on 6 months it just took that long to feel vaguely ok and ready to move on.


Basically I phoned my local trust spoke to a nice lady and got a home visit to discuss the process a few weeks later. There are also two voluntary organisations in NI


----------



## over the rainbow

Hi all, 

Just popped on very quickly to say Jillyhen i hope today's prep went well. Our prep course starts on Monday + I can't wait but nervous too!

Hope everyone else is getting on well x


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls

2nd day over.. Next tues finishes us with the prep course and then we are to fill out forms in..

FInding it all ok at the minute they are a lovely bunch of people. Can be a bit repetitive..

Becky have you any dates yet for your new arrivals??

Over the rainbow good luck for monday.. Its a but daunting at 1st.. Whereabouts are you??

Jillyhen


----------



## over the rainbow

Hi all,

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend.

Jillyhen - hope Tues goes well for your last day of prep. We are with the northern board in Carrickfergus, things have been incredibly slow but hoping once we have completed our prep course that things will start to move along a bit more quickly. We start tomorrow night; then full days the next 2 Fridays and then the 1st Monday evening in January to finish. 

Hope things are moving along nicely for everyone else x


----------



## Jillyhen

over the rainbow

How are you getting on??

Thats us finished with the preparation course.. Just waiting to hear from the social worker regading starting our home study.

Any updates Becky??

How are the rest of you lovely ladies??

Jillyhen


----------



## over the rainbow

Hi all, hope everyone is well.

Prep course is going well thanks jillyhen - quite emotional + some parts have been hard going. We are half way through now, just one more full day + one evening left to do. 

How is everyone else doing?


----------



## apparition

Hi all
hope you are all well. i haven't been on for ages but been so busy with work, christmas and DHs new shifts.

Lots of home study visits too and fianlly got a date for panel in March. So chuffed.

If I don't get on again before Christmas I hope Santa brings you all your hopes and dreams, abnd if not hoime the social workers.

Merry Christmas and happiness for the new year.
Apps


----------



## Jillyhen

How are you apps..

Fingers crossed you get good news in March.. I hope our home study get started then

Jillyhen


----------



## Irish Daffodil

Hi Everyone,

Do you mind if I join you? We did our prep course in May and started our home study yesterday so glad to get things moving again, though it's a long time since DH or I have had homework to do!

Look forward to getting to know everyone.

xx


----------



## Jillyhen

irish

How are things going??

We got a letter over xmas to say that it shouldnt be much longer for us to start our home study..

Becky how are things with you, any intro's??

Jillyhen


----------



## Arliparli

Hi Ladies , havent posted for a while , moved from Lisburn up to Antrim and had to use a different agency as I had moved outwith the catchment area.  Had initial meeting with the family care society on 3rd Dec and she said she will write her report up on the lead up to xmas and pass it to her line manager for approval , then a letter will be sent out. As of yet , we have heard nothing.  Called on 2nd Jan but was told none of them are back till 7th Jan so shall call back then.  Happy New Year to you all x x


----------



## Angie Baby

Hi arliparli. What did you think of family care society. We meet with them in sept but have to wait till march before contacting them again as r last treatment was in August. Im in 2 minds on who to go through either south eastern trust in lisburn or family care society. Does anyone have any experience or advice on either or any other agencies thank you


----------



## Jillyhen

Angie

Im with the northern trust.. I had treatment in July m/c is August & lucky for us they let us go ahead with the preparation course in dec..

Jillyhen


----------



## Arliparli

Hi angle , we got our application form in today from family care society , have filled it in and will post tomorrow , not sure what happens after that , it's all very new to us. Our first initial meeting at their offices were a bit strange , the social worker we spoke with was a bit like an old school teacher of mine and she was a bit abrupt so she put me in bad form but we were there for overran hour and came away quite positive eventually. My last Ivf was 2008 so we are ok on that part , I initially contacted lisburn and they were very nice , invited me to an open day in dec but when I told them I was moving , they Said I  was out with their catchment area and directed me to ballymena who , when I contacted them , weren't as efficient x


----------



## Arliparli

Well , as promised , we heard back from family care with an application form to fill in , posted it back today so not really sure what happens next , does anyone have any ideas ?


----------



## apparition

Hi all
happy new year. 
Sorry l havent been on but Dh and l had the flu over new year.
another home Visit but hopefully Only2 to go.
talk of Concurrent adoption but were a little nervous about that.
hope you are all well.
apps


----------



## Irish Daffodil

Hi Everyone,

Jilly - I'm good thanks, any news on your home study yet?

I had my individual assessment last week and was v. nervous but all went fine, DH has his this week so was trying to do his homework for it last night. SW has applied for a panel date for us and hoping to get booked in for July so keeping everything crossed for that.

Hope you are all ok

xx


----------



## Becky39

Hi Ladies,

Sorry i havent been here in ages, but been a very busy wee bee   

I see we have a few newbies ... welcome to u all, ur in the best place   

Apparation - we are doing concurrent adoption, a lot of adoptions over here are done like that. U will foster the children with view to adopt, but as soon as u start fostering the freeing order will be applied for, once this comes thru, u formally apply to adopt. SW wont normally apply for freeing order until they have adoptive parents in mind (ie you) yes its scarey, but its what most couples do so dont worry too much, they have never had a case where the child didnt go up for adoption (so they say lol) only thing is, fostering is a pain cos if there is siblings then there will be contact (weekly for us) and birth parents usually have monthly visits .. so very time consuming running back and forth ... but well worth the outcome   

Children still arnet home with us, end of next mth hopefully (panel middle of Feb then intros etc) but we have had pictures and have then up on our fridge so we see them every day. This week we are doing their talking photo books and explaining where we live, taking pics of garden, their room, their new toys etc, its all very exciting. Ive put in my leaving date at work ... 6th Feb, but leave 31st Jan as i have hols to take .. so Thurs week an im outta here     

Very excited ... hope all is going well for everyone, any updates Xxx


----------



## galaxy girl

Becky ... WoooooooHoooooo!!!!!!

So exciting!


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls

Becky so exciting..

We havent heard a thing from the social workers.. We where told to ring back in 3 months if we didnt hear anything

Jillyhen


----------



## Becky39

Jilly,

Keep on at them!

We waited for a full YEAR and 1 month after prep course before we were allocated a sw ... lots of frustrated phone calls but it took us that long ... hoping it will be quicker for you!


----------



## apparition

Hi all
Definately Jillyhen - keep on top of them. You shouldn't have to but quote the government guidlines and that might gee them up a bit.

Becky it sounds so exciting. I'll be really interested to know how the matching and introductions are organised.
I'm starting to think about all the little details of these things as I get closer to panel.

Anyone know what the average time between approval and a match is and why?

Thanks
Apps


----------



## Becky39

We waited for a year and one month after approval before we were told about our LO's. 

They have told us that the wait on the 'C' list is quicker than the 'P' list (why on earth they still have lists over here for this sort of thing is beyond me!!!) but they do, and u will be on whichever faith u are. 

I have friends who were on the 'C' list and were approved 4 mths before us, and matched a year and 1 month after. So basically the same time as us (being on the 'P' list)

If your sw is any good, she will have already told u, give yourself a year ... its a bloody long year, and some people are lucky enough and get matched before that year is up, some are not. 

I hated the wait, kept on at them, threw my toys out of the pram many a time cos there were no signs of a match, but when it comes, and it feels completly right and u understand the reason for the long wait, i hate to say it (cos i used to hate reading it when i was waiting) but it is worth waiting for the right match. Your sw will know u, and will know which children are right for you ... 

When do u go to panel


----------



## apparition

Hi 
Thanks Becky.
Panel in mid March.
Oh no I thought the dreaded list was gone - any one else heard anything about it?
Our SW told us that the P/C list no longer existed and that only some birth parents make stipulations about faith but not many.
As people of no faith and really of no particular cultural group we are kind of an enigma .WE hate to be pigeon holded and I think they are finding it hard to do it anyway. Dear knows what list we are on and how long it will take.

I am really curious about the matching process and what the SW are looking for - there are so many kids out there I hate to think of our wee LO waiting in care. At toddler & nursery age kids are such blank canvasses. We would take any but know are will come and to trust our SW who we think is great.

Your story gives us hope. Thanks

Apps


----------



## Angie Baby

hi all

had initial visit from social worker on fri a#so i now have to write in to confirm we are still interested. was confused who to go through family care society or the south eastern trust made my choice and its the trust just because i feel more comfortable with them i know it may take longer. 

becky can i ask who you went through as i seen that you waited very long for a sw after your course, congrats on being matched.

south eastern trust next course is in feb but sw said it will be very slim chance that we can get on that course and the next one is not till june.


----------



## galaxy girl

Becky your kids are the same age as mine! Will have to meet up when things are more settled

Apps- list def still in existence in our trust in fact I thought it was some legislation driven thing? I know updated adoption legislation had not made it through the assembly yet and think the appeal by Edmund poots  Is going to hold things up more . We are very out of date compared to the rest of the Uk. Hopefully your appeal will be wider to matching panels. We heard about our match within 9 months. Was 12 months till they came home.


----------



## Angie Baby

hi ladies was just wondering what your views/experiences where on dual approval


----------



## galaxy girl

Has worked really well for us so far! I would go for it


----------



## Angie Baby

i think i would too but worried that my work would not consider that as adoption and i would not get paid time off. when dual approval are you certain that the child stays with you and that you automicailly adopt them. we had r first inital sw visit last week so just starting off and all new to us but im looking forward to it all, i know it a long hard road but any worth while journey is.


----------



## Angie Baby

how have you found the whole adoption procedure galaxy girl have you any advice? did you go throught the trust. im through south eastern


----------



## galaxy girl

Maybe depends on who you work for? My employer took matching cert as proof enough and I have received my full adoption leave. Still off actually.  

I suppose there are always risks ... We are still going through the process and the wheels turn slowly. 

I did go through our local trust. 

Advice.... Am would def recommend dual approval in our trust they match children for whom the plan is adoption and who have a full care order in place.. It's different from concurrent planning in that there is much reduced contact and the paperwork for the next stage will be being processed. 
Dual approval moved us through the system fairly quickly. I.e . took a year for approval and a year for matching.
Don't know if your trust do it though! 
Hopefully you will click with your social worker as it can be emotionally draining to spill your guts to a stranger every week ! Be as open as possible. Read as much as you can. Especially dan Hughes and holly van gulden . Hopefully some of this rambling is useful . Feel free to pm me .


----------



## apparition

Hi all how is everyone?
Had our last home visit this one with the senior social worker too.
A long meeting and lots of questions.
Keeping focused on the panel in March. 
Love to all.
Apps


----------



## Jillyhen

Aw Apps 

Not long now.

We are still waiting to hear about starting our  home study, sent an email the other day 23 are 8th on the list..

Becky how are things?

Jillyhen


----------



## Becky39

Hi Ladies, 
Well ... its our last weekend as - well a couple really lol
Intros start on Monday and we are so excited.
Know its not gonna be a bed of roses, but am prepared (i think lol)
House is all ready, garden is full of swings, slide, play house and a trampoline ... my house has been taken over by dinasours and pepa pig hehe, i had better get used to it, its gonna be like this for a long long time hehehe   
Galaxy - yes, will have to deff meet up once children are settled ... sure we dont live far from each other i do beleive a few coffee mornings will go down a treat lol 
Hope everyone else is getting along nicely, all prep courses finished etc


----------



## Jillyhen

Becky

Wow im sure you are both so excited..

Enjoy your last weekend as a family of 2..

Good luck for monday..

Jillyhen


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

Hi girls, I have been lurking for a bit re adoption. I have just had first meeting with our seelb trust social worker. Got DVD and some basic information. We have to wait until June time so we have 6 months after last ivf treatment.  

I was just wondering if anyone went through family care services, mind u when I called I got a very grumpy man lol. He seemed almost put out when I said I had a child already....he kinda put me off going further with them.

Who did u go with and why?

Hugs to all in ur journey


----------



## ritchiem

Hi there

I am new to the adoption section of FF having spent most of my time posting on the Ireland forum for IVF and after. I do recognise some of the ladies that are now posting here.

After a failed ivf last May and surgery in October, DP and I are now bring processed for adoption by the Northern social services board based in Carrick.

I was wondering if any of you ladies had any experience with them? Also if any of you know when the next course is? We only had our first visit last Monday and we both found it very informative.

Also in preparation for this process if there is anything that you can suggest to help us- reading material etc. I would be appreciative.

Apologies for the  'me' post. Hopefully soon I will have more knowledge to contribute more.

I hope you all had a lovely weekend.

Becky- hope all goes well tomorrow  

Keeping positive for more- again I'm as much of a newbie to this as you- so not much help I'm afraid.

Mags x


----------



## Jillyhen

Welcome ritchiem

I with the northern board also, our social workers are based in Ballymoney.

Have they mentioned the ivf to you and if there is going to be any more?? We had our inital visit but as we wanted to have anothe go at ivf it was delayed, we had a second visit and at this visit we where adamant that there would be no more treatment. We got on the preparation course 2 months later.

Jillyhen


----------



## ritchiem

Hi jillyhen

Yes they asked and we said that there would be no more attempts at treatment which she was fine with. I think it's because it was last may.

I'm hoping we get on the course soon.

Any books that you would recommend?

Mags x


----------



## Jillyhen

Ritchiem

I didnt read any books as we where given one on the 1st day of the course.

Becky how did you get on yesterday?
Jillyhen


----------



## Louise83

Hi Everyone

This is my first post, have been watching from afar and getting familiar with the website. Am from N.I, need ICSI and am unsure of where to go, what to do and how to feel. This has been such a journey of emotions finding this out, however am determined not to let it get us down.

How are you? Great to see an N.I thread! Would love to in touch with you girls in the same boat


----------



## galaxy girl

Hi Louise . Good on you for posting. We needed icsi too. Just wanted to say that to get info and support on treatment from other ni girls go to the Ireland section of the website and there is a busy community there. You have ended up in the adoption bit of the message boards! We can give lots of advice on that of course......!


----------



## VEC

Hi Louise

As Galaxy Girl says, have a look at the Ireland section, it has a number of threads relevant to Northern Ireland. There's a general chat thread for those from Northern Ireland http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=291374.30. It hasn't been posted in for a while, but if you post, I have no doubt people will respond. Also, if you have a particular clinic in mind, type its name in the search box (top right) and you will probably find threads relevant to that clinic.

Best of luck with ICSI.
Martha x


----------



## Jillyhen

vec & louise

If you go to the home page and scroll down to regional & international you will find the Ireland thread its for both north & south.
Jillyhen


----------



## apparition

Getting really anxious and   

Panel in 2 weeks and now there are questions becuse DH is one point off the BMI target of 28 
(anyone know what other authorities are?)  Want him back to doctors again.
Also questioning because we said we had a bottle of wine and a few beers at the  weekends currently but never asked what we intended to drink when the little one came along. (is that unreasonable amount?)

I am so anxious they will turn us down over such minor points - hes got really upset.

Any advice?

Thanks Aps


----------



## ritchiem

Congrats Ap on getting to panel- very exciting for you and DH.

Myself and my DP are only started on the journey and we are currently waiting on our prep course.

Your last post stated a target for BMI for your DH. Is that the case with prospective parents? Do we have targets to achieve for the male and female BMI? The social worker just said to make durecthatvwe were healthy ton pass the medical. She never mentioned anything about alcohol .

Apologies my knowledge is limited and im probably not much help.

Good luck and best wishes for panel .

Mags x


----------



## galaxy girl

Apps are bmi s were 29. Our social worker mentioned it to us as the paediatrician mentioned it to her as a concern ?! Was not brought up at panel though . Seems a reasonable amount of alcohol to me too! Only thing ever said to us was that if there is a background of birth parent alcohol abuse it can be useful to show a healthy relationship to alcohol by having an occasional drink! 

I think it's true that they won't give a you a panel date unless you are going to pass . No way these minor points will stop you!


----------



## bella2

Hi everyone
Im very new on here so please bere with me until I get to grios eith all the people, suitustions snd even the lingo!


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

Welcome Bella.

I didn't realise there was a bmi issue for adoption..

Jillyhen


----------



## galaxy girl

Think it's about being healthy and fit enough to look after an active child. I was quite insulted ! It was only brought up by the one medical advisor though and not mentioned at panel . Also during my recent medical I had lost 11 pounds running around after my two!


----------



## bella2

Hi im just asjing if anyone out here is applying throug the northern trust?
If there is how long did it take to get assigned a social worker?
Hope everyone ok
Craxy roy chick _ do I remember you from the ivf board in dec?


----------



## Jillyhen

Bella

Im with the northern trust. Hope you dont mind me asking wherabout are you??

I enquired again in August,social worker came out in sept and we where on the prep course in November.. Just waiting to start home study

Jillyhen


----------



## apparition

Hi all
Panel tomorrow. So nervous and praying it isn't postponed.
Any ideas what to wear?
Will keep you posted.
Apps


----------



## galaxy girl

How exciting apps! 
I had planned smart casual but dh went for the full suit and wanting to match him I wore a dress! Made it all quite special . Our Sw ended up coming for lunch with us after to celebrate !


----------



## apparition

Thanks everyone
Panel today and it was a YES, but just about! Very grateful to SW for supporting our case.
They would only approve us if we agreed to do respite fostering to get experience with adopted children.
Initially sounded like we had to do that first before matching but on talking to SW later I think we can do them side by side.
Still think it might take longer than we thought.
Anyone else heard of this?
Will let you know more when we get more info.
Thanks
Apps


----------



## bella2

Hi apps
Congratulations on today, I'm sure you r relieved to have got past this hurdle. 
How was the panel itself, the aptmosphere, the questions etc
Hope u don't mind me asking. 
Did you decide to go down the concurrent route or just adoption?  I think the trusts are promoting concurrent heavily now which has its financial and emotional risks. 

Anyway. Enjoy this milestone
Bella


----------



## galaxy girl

Apps this is what we did ( we had asked to do it) and it passed the time waiting to be matched very well! We got to so respite for a gorgeous baby boy a few times and for a 6 year old and 10 year old sibling group on weekends. Would def recommend it !


----------



## apparition

Thanks all
Really appreciate all your support.
We are still trying to pin down the details with our social worker but feeling much more positive about things.

I have made a start on LO room as I would want it to be nice for weekend respite guests too.
Do you think they will expect us to have all sorts of equipment in place before we get a match for the respite kids and what age should I be gearing towards?
I want to gather up stair gates, buggies, toys, games outdoor stuff etc but I am not loaded - I use freecycle and gumtree a lot and would appreciate any info on good quality equipment etc. you know about that people are getting rid of/want to pass on.

Thanks
Apps


----------



## galaxy girl

Hi apps. No you don't need equipment. Social services should provide it. We did get baby stuff from relatives but for car seats from trust. We were asked at the time what else we needed. If child is already in foster care ( most likely scenario) then they bring the stuff with them. We were even given formula and nappies by foster carer. 

The older children we had came from birth family and had very little. 
Will message you if we have any outgrown baby stuff in the future! We do have baby toys you are welcome to!


----------



## apparition

Thanks Galaxy Girl.

Can anyone tell me what normally happens after panel? 
Do you get a meeting to tell you what happens next, a letter confirming anything as we are feeling a little adrift and in limbo after our panel. Not sure what happens next?

Has anyone been on the Getting Ready for Placement course - is it worthwhile?

I'm concentrating on getting our LO room ready.

Thanks Apps


----------



## galaxy girl

Apps think our social worker visited the next month after panel and was in touch by phone re respite care. Do you have the same social worker now ? If so give her a ring just to talk it over. 

I found the getting ready fir placement course excellent. Def go on it if you get the chance.


----------



## apparition

Hi ALL   
Esp Galaxy Girl

Talked to our social worker today and got a few things clarified.

Proper Approval with active matching will only be done once we have had a few respite placements and they assess how we get on.
They couldn't give us any idea how long we will have to do it for, but the The process just seems to have got a lot longer.
Can't really see much end in sight!
I can understand their thought patterns and reasons but alternatively they are going to put off good adopters and more children will languish in care.

I defintely recommend those of you in the process to check with your social workers that if you don't have your own children or work in the field if you will be asked to do this as it could put an extra year on your journey.

I would be really interested to know what our other Trusts policies are on this - would appreciate any feedback you might have.

Thanks

Despondent APPS


----------



## somedaysoon

Hi everyone. Hope you don't mind me chipping in. I'm new to all this and interested in concurrent care. We visited Family Care Society recently and were quite impressed though I now realise that Northern Trust who we would be working with (Carrick) also do concurrency. Just wanted to know what your experiences were if you are a concurrent carer with the trust. Must I take a year off work the same as FCS? Is there a fee paid for the year? How long did it take to be approved etc? Also, how much contact do you have with the birth parents?

Have plenty more questions lol. My head is in  pickle. Would appreciate ny advice.


----------



## galaxy girl

Apps ... Can only tell you our experience. We respite fostered while simultaneously being on the waiting list for matching. That sucks for you. Hope you get loads of placements soon . 

Someday soon. We were dually approved. 
Yes on the year off for us.  Fostering allowance is given as any foster carer would get.  Approval process took a year and another year to be matched. Re contact .. Yes there is a regular amount. How much will depend on each individual child and it does reduce as the process continues . Fostering allowance stops after the freeing order is granted. Contact also reduces then.


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls 

How are we all doing??
Becky have you lil angels arrived?

Feeling a bit frustrated.. Sent an email to the social woker we had been 8th on the list. as they are hoping to start 2 home assessments this month we will move up to 5th with a 4-6 month wait.. 
Should we stick to the northern trust or is the other agencies any quicker?
Jillyhen


----------



## ritchiem

Hi

I was just looking for some information on timescales. DP and I have just received our invite for our 2.5 day prep course at the end of May into June through the family placement team in Carrick.

Does anyone know how long then it takes for home visits to start? Also we stated at our initial meeting that we would like to do respite fostering. Do you know at what stage we can do this?

We haven't really had much info on this.

Thanks for any advice.

Mags x


----------



## galaxy girl

Think every situation is different mags. For us prep was in may home study started sept. respite fostering started post approval.


----------



## ritchiem

Thanks galaxy girl. You adopted two children? Is that correct?


----------



## galaxy girl

Yes we have two. Still in the process of adopting them though ! Wheels turn slowly.


----------



## ritchiem

That's brilliant. Ideally we would like that too.

Yes the wheels do turn slowly


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello Ritchie

As you know we had our prep course in Nov and still waiting to start home assessment. Was told in March that it could be another 4-6 months. All depends where you are on the list.

Jillyhen


----------



## ritchiem

Wow jillyhen that's a long time- I had no idea that you would wait that long. 

Fingers crossed you get a date soon

Mags x


----------



## Jillyhen

ritchiem

Its mad the waiting times.. If they get more funding it might shorten it but known the northern trust that's impossible. 2 couples from our group have got started and that moves us up to 5th.   
Jillyhen


----------



## apparition

Hi guys 
going to go  offline for a while.
DH has been  diagnosed with depression and will be concentrating on him.
Stress from work and the adoption was just too much.
not an end to  the adoption journey  but a delay  so I'm told- hope so.
Will try  tocheck  in  now and  then.
best wishes to  all.
Apps


----------



## galaxy girl

Apps so sorry . Look after yourself and dh. Will be thinking of you. 
GG


----------



## Jillyhen

Apps thinking of you both   
Jillyhen xx


----------



## ritchiem

Apps so sorry to hear about your DH. Look after yourselves.

Big hugs    

Good luck to all you other ladies out there.

Mags x


----------



## Angie Baby

Hi ladies hope u all r keeping well. What stage r u all at in ur adoption journey. Husband and I have just finished the prep course we r with south eastern trust. Hopefully wont be too long till we begin home study. Would love to hear your views on duel approval. Would be nicz to meet up sometime with any of u and make qome good friends for support etc.


----------



## galaxy girl

Hi angie baby . We are dually approved. 16 months into placement now . Still waiting for adoption order but we will get there!


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girlies

We are still waiting to start home study.
Still 3rd on the list so god knows when we will get started, its now 6 months since we finished prep course..
Jillyhen


----------



## Angie Baby

Hi jilly

6 months is a long time to be waiting its such a slow process its fustrating. We finished r prep course there in june im hoping we wont be waiting to long....

Try doing ur family tree or other things to prepare for the home study im making up a wee booklet containing the facilities for children thats near my home and a booklet with a short paragraghy from friends family about how they feel we would be as parents and how they can support us, along with a photo of them.These things r prob not needed but it gives me something to focus on while waiting. Also resarch eco map as this is another peice of work that your required to do as part of the home study.


----------



## justone

Hi! 
DH and I have finally decided to take the plunge and go down the adoption route. After a long 'phone call with the duty SW last week, we met earlier today with him and spent a long time chatting to him and listening to him. We've decided to go through Family Care Adoptive Services in NI as we believe they offer a somewhat quicker route than that of the trusts... Was wondering if anyone here on FF could offer us advice/support or are about to embark on a similar type journey... Thanks in advance. xox


----------



## ritchiem

Hi justone

Hope your interview went well and you had a brilliant birthday.

We are going through a trust and have just completed the BAAF form. It was comprehensive  

So now a waiting game.

Glad you and DH decided to go down the adoption route- fingers crossed its speedy for you.

Mags x


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

Hi all,

Well after our last Ivf go we relaxed for 6 months and decided to try for adoption. So we have had our initial meeting with sw, then 2 two hours counselling sessions with our sw and are going on pre adoption course this weekend. Still learning it all but the one thing my sw is concerned about is how upset I get when talking about the ivf and miscarriages.

She doesn't want to upset me and was talking about making us wait until I am better.... But honestly I had not talked about it all since Xmas so it all came flooding out when she talked about facts. I find it hard and think I will continue to find it hard and get weepy.

Plus I am a very emotional person and wear my heart on my sleeve. She said for us to continue on this courses and will see how I get on on our next sw visit in 2 weeks. 

Then after lots of talking with hubby I realised that maybe I haven't spoken enough about it and need to talk more, get used to speaking about our losses and ivf journey. So I booked myself a counselling session with infertility group to see if that helps.

The sw visits are long and hard enough without me biting my tongue to stop the tears from coming....anyone else get upset and weepy when talking about their infertility journey.


Many thanks in advance and hope everyone is well


----------



## Jillyhen

Keeping positive

I still break down when I talk about our miscarriages and what could have been..
From what I can remember I broke down when the sw came out after our last miscarriage and she wasn't for letting us go on the course, only we where adamant that there would be no treatment and would focus on the adoption I also said that if she made us wait we would both me a year older.

Still no sign of us starting home assessment, spoke to the social worker we will prob be the last to be allocated as the couple after us are for fostering and they will get priority. However she did say she always like to get couples assigned to a sw before the next course starts which is in sept.. here's hoping

Jillyhen x


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

Hi jillyhen thx for reply.

I'm glad I wasn't the only one who gets upset. 

It is such an emotional journey, and I know I have a son and am very lucky. Have u done 3 day preparation course. I'm not sure if I'm on home assessments or still  initial meetings. All i know is that we are discussing our marriage, my parents off etc and our hopes for adoption.

I should really ask lol


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

It's so quiet around here, anyone n.i girls about still 

Xx


----------



## somedaysoon

Hi everyone,

I've been watching posts on here for a while and have been weighing up what to do. We visited FCS in April and had a good vibe about our initial conversation with SW. At around the same time I contacted the trust and have yet to talk to a social worker! We were apparently to be assigned a social worker by mid July. Every time we rang, we were fobbed off with excuses about being understaffed and having other projects to coordinate. Also I received a voicemail from them asking for someone else (stating their full name) and if they were still interested in fostering, which is a breach of confidentiality. When our adoption and fostering packs were sent out, the adoption pack had a hole through it as though a chair leg had pressed through it! (was this all a bad omen?!) So, basically we were pretty unimpressed.  I don't want to put others off though as maybe we were just unlucky and other area trusts are more efficient! 

We would like to do concurrent planning ideally so this swayed our decision too. Both FCS and trust do this but FCS do what they call the 'pure form' which seems to mean less of a delay in a decision being made about the child's future and more intensive work with the birth parent. After much waiting and discussing, we have both decided that what FCS offers seems to be the way forward for what we want to do. So looks like we may be starting our fostering/possible adoption journey soon!

Anyone else on here doing concurrency? Would appreciate any advice! x


----------



## galaxy girl

We are sort of doing concurrency - not in its pure form though. It was fostering to adopt. Children placed 18 months ago and hope to be through court in October ... Please please!! So don't know if I can help but will try!


----------



## roxy121

Hi Ladies


Ive been having a read through this thread i am very nervous but i just made the decision to take the next step to adoption i hope you can all help me as will i to all of you     




ekkk that was a big step i took after the year ive had, end of an era with IVF xx


----------



## Magoogle

Hi guys 

Long time since I have been here, matched with a baby boy who moved in with us in June and all going great.  Xx


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

Hi fold, really desperate here. I need to contact dr Mcfall from rfc. As part of our adoption process we need a summary of treatment from the royal before we can proceed.  Week have all been waiting 2 months alone for this cover letter....I am seething! 

Called and receptionist put a note again for the doctor to write it out. Social worker said this was the worst she has ever seen a consultant making someone wait.....help please if you have any number or email I could contact


Many thanks


----------



## galaxy girl

I think our social worker wrote to the royal themselves. We were with dr mc faul too. I don't have a number but remvet he also had a private clinic on Lisburn road ? Maybe? Don't know if that helps though. 

Yeah magoogle!

We are waiting on a final court date here. Waiting and waiting!!!


----------



## Magoogle

Thx galaxy girl, hope your date comes thru soon xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls

How are we all??

Magoogle congrats on your new arrival..

We are still waiting to start home assessment, reckon it wont happen until after xmas. We finished the prep course last dec..

Jillyhen


----------



## galaxy girl

We heard!!! Court date this week . Very very excited! Lovely lunch and build a bear visit planned for afterwards!


----------



## Jillyhen

Lovely news galaxy girl, im sure you are excited but nervous.


Is it just yourselves & the social worker attend? Are the natural parents there also


Jillyhen


----------



## galaxy girl

No birth parents. This is the final rubber stamp . Will be us. Granny's and granda's . guardian and our sw and their sw !


----------



## Magoogle

That's great galaxy girl, I'm hoping mine will be in December, fingers crossed ) hopefully once you get started jillyhen, it will rollarcoster ahead xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Magoogle

I really hope so, fed up waiting.

Jillyhen


----------



## Mrs tinkerbell

Hi All,
I have just read this thread from start to finish so decided to say hello. We have been TTC for 4+ years and decided to seek help in Jan this year. After a long wait and many doctor appointments we have been told DH is not producing sperm. I am not feeling that IVF is for us and we are in the earliest stages of considering adoption. It seems like it is a long confusing process and we will have lots of questions as we decide if its the right route for us. Thank you all for sharing your stories its given us lots to think about.


----------



## Magoogle

I know Jilly I was the same, it is very frustrating but worth it if you can stick with it .

Good luck Mrs Tinkerbell xx


----------



## roxy121

hey folks


i have just been to an evening course in ballymena wowee but am i confused about going for adoption its a minefield and the fact it might not work out is another thing...


what to do what to do....


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

Hey girls,
Hope everyone is well...and the waiting isn't too much.

Just passed first stage when head social worker pass us and medical officer. Just been given homework, the booklet to answer questions on our marriage and childhood and family. It's huge and will take us forever.

Meeting ws to discuss the next steps, I imagine we will then be put on waiting list to be assigned sw for home study.

In the meantime I'm casually forgetting about it all and enjoying what I have

Xxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls

Sent an email to the social worker yesterday, we are next on the list to be allocated a social worker, hopefully it will be January.

How is everyone?

Jillyhen


----------



## Magoogle

Hey girls 

Jillyhen that's great news, not long now! 

We have our freeing court date in the next month and then we can officially apply to adopt the wee man . So it's all go for us.  Good luck to everyone. Xx


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

Hi girls,
Met with our sw today and we have started our home study. Very scary stuff and said it would be 8/9 months of interviews weekly then panel maybe within the year..

Delighted but worked about all the questions

Hope ur all well


----------



## Jillyhen

Thats great Keeping positive,

What trust are you in??

Jillyhen


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

Hi jillyhen. 
Im in seelb trust. Was shocked when ahe said their was no waiting list and we could start home study.  

Any developments with u


----------



## Jillyhen

Gosh that's great.
Hoping to start home assessment in Jan. We have had to wait a year   
Jillyhen


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

Hi folks, hope ur all well and the process is moving quickly for u all.

I'm in the middle of home study all is going well but bit draining. Hubby is getting individual session now for a while, so I get some rest. 

Is anyone going to adopt uk, place for parents adoption course in belfast 31st January.


----------



## Jillyhen

Keepingpositive

I cant believe you have started home study whilst we are still waiting. Getting really fed up now.
Do you mean adopting from England etc?
If so we would probably be interested in adopting from England

What is the course?

Jillyhen


----------



## galaxy girl

Och jilly such a Shame home study hasn't  started yet. Any further time scales from trust? We are all good here!


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

God jillyhen I'm so sorry ur still waiting, what is the hold up!

We are 5/6 sessions in now. Homework is tough and things r picking up speed.

Dan Hughes a clinical psychologist is doing a adoption course 31 st jan in belfast, adoption uk r running it. It's very expensive we r members of adopt uk and it's still £104 for us two.

Our sw said we have to keep track of anything we read, watch or courses we go on as this will be given to panel to show how much background reading we have done hence desire to go on course.

Xxx


----------



## galaxy girl

Dan Hughes is a great speaker. I have heard him in belfast before but not going this time. Adoption uk have his cd s in their lending library too in the belfast office . Cheaper option!


----------



## Jillyhen

Thanks girls

When i spoke to the social worker in November she said they had been tied up with a lot of fostering cases so that was put ahead of the adoption. We are the last of the couples to get started. She said once we get allocated it wont take long to get us through.

Jillyhen


----------



## Magoogle

Good luck to everyone xxx


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

Do u all know ur rights to paid time off while going through this process for courses and training days etc. Finding this a bit stressful to be honest. 

Registered to adoption uk snd lots of reading to do. 

Hope jillyhen u get a sw soon. R u with neelb?


----------



## Jillyhen

Morning Girls

We have a social worker.. Got a call fri afternoon to say that we have been allocated and hope to start soon.

Im with the northern trust keeping positive.

I work for the trust and i think we get time off but my manageris looking into it.

Jillyhen


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

Yeah jillyhen thats brilliant news 

Hope it moves fast for u. I got word from my union I am allowed paid days off for training courses for adoption. ...phew


Hope everyone is well xxx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi 

DO you any of lovely ladies work for a trust?? Im being told that im only allowed time off if we have a child placed with us.

Im wondering if im allowed time off for the social worker to come out to us during the day.

Jillyhen


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

Hi jillyhen im a teacher and wasnt allowed time for interviews so social worker made it as late as possible to fit us in from 4-6. I had to look into my union as nothing was clearly laid out for us.

Booked dan hughes for nx Friday. ..looking forward to it. ...anyone else from here going


----------



## Angie Baby

Hi keepingpositive4more are you with the down lisburn trust?


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

Hi baby,  im seelb north down


----------



## Angie Baby

Im seelb too Lisburn trust. Still waiting to be allocated a sw to begin home study. How is it is there alot in it. I was hoping to begin soon and to be approved by the end of the year. Its took us a year already to get to this stage


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

The process for us is fast enough to be honest. It involves lots of repetitive questions and loads of homework to do. So u have to be on top of it as every week she gives us more.  It is good and the questions r personal but I am an open book so don't mind it. 

Hope that helps


----------



## galaxy girl

Jillyhen I work for a trust. Adoption classed same as maternity so you should get time off for sw appts- same as anti natal appts. I didn't discover this until too late. Check your apotion policy . I had to forward it too my manager re appts after placement. Our appts were actually always at 6 ish so home study involved no time off


----------



## Magoogle

Jillyhen, our sw came out in the evening to suit us.  X


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi

Social worker is calling out tomorrow night at 6.30. Can any of you tell me if they look round the house.

Jillyhen


----------



## galaxy girl

Ours didn't ... We always had it tidy just in case though!


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

We have had 8/9 sessions and she mentioned she will look around at some point to see what rooms we have available.  We do a general tidy every time she comes.  She says herself she wont like seeing a show house but a home. 

Good luck


----------



## Jillyhen

Morning ladies

How is everyone??

Thanks for the advice, im a nervous wreck. Our house wouldnt be a show house anyway lol. 

Keeping positive, i did think i was allowed time of for home study, will know better tonight when the sw arrives.

Jillyhen


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

How did u get on jilyhen. 

I have been ill in bed for days now. Hope im on the mend now.

As.for adoption we r having some behaviour troubles with our son in school so seriously considering if adoption is right for us. How can we parent an adopted child if we cant even mamange to help our son with his wee issues. 

Anyway will take it a day at a time


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

Hi girls, how are we all?

I have been spending all night doing our homework - it is so bloody hard!

How accepting are you of race, religion etc

Can you accept human weaknesses in others?

I feel like being bloody honest and saying what exactly is in my head, instead I have to think about what they r looking for. Instead I went half and half and did a bit of both.

What did the rest of you do, complete honesty or telling them what they wanna hear?


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls

We have the social worker coming out to see me tomorrow morning.

I have started filling in the forms havent a notion on the echo graph..

She gave us the tick list of what we would & wouldnt accept. Its so hard deciding.

How are the rest of you lovely ladies?

Jillyhen


----------



## Keepingpositive4more

We are in the middle of home study and having serious worries about not only the type of children in our area needing adopted but the impact it will have on our birth child.

Was told today by social worker that due to alcohol and drug abuse the kids now coming through the system in our area are severe, committing suicide, diagnosed with bipolar etc. really troubling stuff. We don't think we can risk bringing these children into our lives to affect our birth child.

Think we may take a breather for a while....very upset though. We wanted to give a child a forever home and we were not being unrealistic about it, just as the stage goes on we r hearing and being told so much horrific stuff.


----------



## apparition

Hi Guys
Sorry i haven't been on in ages.
sounds like you are all moving along rightly especially you jillyhen.
Lots of best wishes to those of you feeling unsure - it is such a big decision.

Unfortunately one that has been taken away from us.

we had a panel review in October and the trust permanently revoked the 'approval' we were given in April.
Hubby's depression brought about problems at work and so they no longer thought us stable adopters, but they won't reconsider us for adoption or fostering in the future either.    
We are challenging them on the permanency of their decision but it looks like the end of our family journey.
It has taken us to now to come to terms with it and try to move on. After 9 years we don't know where we go from here.
We have had so much love and support from family & friends and before the panel decision we added to our family with Pip - our loving cocker spaniel rescue dog who we believe has rescued us and added so much to our lives.

We have been very welcomed by Julie and Fiona of the More to Life group who meet periodically in Belfast and by Sharon Davidson who you may know from Infertility UK.

SO I must sign out and move on to find other paths to follow. If miracles happen and we are reconsidered for adoption we will be back.
We wish you all the best in your family building and know you have all been great companions on this journey. I hope our paths will somehow cross again. 

Apps




apparition said:


> Hi guys
> going to go offline for a while.
> DH has been diagnosed with depression and will be concentrating on him.
> Stress from work and the adoption was just too much.
> not an end to the adoption journey but a delay so I'm told- hope so.
> Will try tocheck in now and then.
> best wishes to all.
> Apps


----------



## somedaysoon

Very sorry to hear about this, apparition. There seems to be so many people on here recently who haven't been approved and all for very minor issues! It seems highly unfair that you wouldn't be considered in the future, when your husband is feeling better. Could you go through another agency? Perhaps you've gone through enough though. I really don't know what advice to give, but you need to take care of yourself and your relationship after all this stress.

Starting to get really worried now. I know if this happened to me, I would be devastated.  I don't want to have come over halfway through this difficult process only to be turned down 

So many wee kids needing loving families. It just doesn't seem right.


----------



## galaxy girl

Apparition sending hugs.


----------



## Angie Baby

Sending u lots of love apparition.

Can anyone recommend any books on adoption please.  Just feeling a bit clueless and out of my dept hoping few books can help. Had my first visit of the home study and I don't think I done very well. Having a bit of a wobble and feeling not good enough.


----------



## ritchiem

Hi angiebaby

We have just had our first home study visit also. I had mèntioned to our social worker that I had borrowed a Dan Hughes book from Adoption UK and she seemed to think that he would be good to read. DP and I also recently went to see him in Belfast. He was excellent.

I'm sure that you did fine at your first meeting. Our social worker gave us lots if Information and since has sent us our homework.

Best of luck to you.

Jillyhen, Ducky if any of you are reading in. Hope that you are doing well.

Mags x


----------



## Alabama

I Everyone, I am new to this thread although not to Fertility Friends.  In July 2012 we had a successful IVF treatment at GCRM and were delighted to find out we were pregnant with our little miracle.  In April 2013 at 41 weeks our lives turned upside down.  It was the day before I was due for induction and my birthday when our little girl died.  Our beautiful angel was stillborn the following day.  God needed her with him, although I ask him everyday why she couldn't stay here with her Mum and Dad who love her very much.  It has been an extremely tough 10 mths and every day we miss our baby girl.  We now have reached the point were we want to add to our family and have a little brother or sister for our precious daughter who watches over us from heaven.  And for us we feel adoption is definitely the way we want for our family to grow.  We are hoping to attend a 3 day pre approval course in March.  We are with the Northern Trust and are looking for advice from anyone on how long our journey might take?  Wishing everyone here all the best in their journey for their forever family x


----------



## ritchiem

Hi Alabama

I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through. 

DP and I are with the Northern Trust too. We completed our course last June and started our Home study last week. Fingers crossed all goes smoothly and we go to panel towards the end of the year.


----------



## Jillyhen

Alabama

I was so sorry to hear your news.

We are with the Northern trust and like Mags we have just started home assessment. We have a bit of a long wait did the 3 day course in Nov 12 and had our 1st visit at the start of feb. Probably depends on what part of the Northern trust you are in.

Mags have you had many visits?? What stage are you at?

Jillyhen


----------



## Arrows

Alabama, I know another adopter on here who unfortunately experienced similar suffering to yourselves before embarking on the adoption process. I'll PM you her name.


----------



## ritchiem

Hi jillyhen

How's things? Glad to see that you have started the assessment process.

We are due our 2nd visit this Thursday. Only started in Feb.

I am just happy it's started for us.


Have you heard from any of the other ladies lately?

Mags x


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi Mags
No I haven't heard from anyone in ages.
Our social worker has been out with us twice, 1st visit with both of us then out to meet with me and then hubby, so much to take in and the form filling is madness.
Jillyhen


----------



## ritchiem

Hi jillyhen

I know a lot of paperwork , but necessary evil I think.

Good luck with it all and stay in touch.

Mags x


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi everyone
New to adoption section but used fertility friends a lot when I did my fertility treatments. 
Please excuse my ignorance of the abbreviations and lingo!!
I'll try to get to know all you lovely a on here through time. 

We made our initial call to the northern trust in dec 12
We did a 2 day prep course in feb13. 
We started the home assessment in July 13
We are at final stages of home assessment and next visit is next week to talk about managing behaviours. SW has said the next visit will be a meeting with our son. 
Is anyone else at a similar stage?
SW says she hopefully will have our report ready for panel in June or July 14 

Has anyone any experience of the linking/ matching process?
Has anyone ever heard that the SW may have a child already in mind even before we go to panel?

Thank you
In advance - also if I can answer any if your questions fire away!!
Butterfly xx


----------



## somedaysoon

Hi Butterfly!

We are also in Northern Trust area and at around the same stage as you (behaviour study this week) , but doing concurrent planning. Going to panel next month hopefully. I have heard of some cases on here where there was already a child in mind and some people had a match before panel, but think it's quite rare. Hope you find the boards useful x


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi somedaysoon

Thank you for getting back. 
I guess I'll spend my eve trolling over the past posts to gauge a co sensuous of what the norm is - if there even is a norm. 

I'll be keeping posted to see how you get on at panel. 
Daunting but I guesswe need to keep in mind we are aiming to help a child/ten in desperate need. 

Thank you


----------



## galaxy girl

Yeah butterfly you found it! I have heard people have a child in mind before going to panel but not in ni... Yes we waited about9 months before we heard about our match. Then another few until they came home. We had been approached a couple of months in about another link which wasn't for us ....


----------



## Butterfly06

Thank you GG. 

Jillyhen - I've been reading through and I think u r also around the same stage as us?
How r u doing now your at your ending stages of HA. 
Butterfly xx


----------



## ritchiem

Hi butterfly06

How exciting for you.

Can I just check your post. Are you finished your initial HA and going to panel soon?

We are now 3 visits in so far after starting in Feb 2014. We initially registered in Jul 2012 and first visit Feb 2013. We are also the Norhern Trust.

Are you being matched before panel and are you concurrent?

Apologies for all the questions- but you seem to be just ahead of us in the process.
Mags x


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi mags
Glad to be of any use 
Yes I'm in the northern trust. 
We are nearly finished our HA. Not sure how many visits are actually left tho. 
SW says she plans to have us at the June / July panel. 
We plan to be dual approved so that we can officially foster a child first who is thought to be heading for adoption. The contact will be reduced somewhat which helps with our family situation of having a son at 6 years at home 
Hope this helps.  
Butterfly xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hello ladies

Butterfly i cant believe how quick you got started. We attended the 3 day course at the end of 2012 & only started HA in Feb past. Things are going very slowly have only had 3 visit and 2 of them was the 1 to1. Last session didnt go down very well did our health & safety check.

Due out again on the 8th

Jillyhen


----------



## Butterfly06

Wow Jillyhen
That's sure been a long wait for u all 
I sent you a message 
I'm sure your so frustrated especially reading we are near approaching the end of HA ;(
I really do feel for u
Butterfly xx


----------



## mollycat

hiya Girls... how is everyone?

been a reader of this thread but never posted before, know some of the names from other threads ect...

was wondering if any of you found it hard choosing your matching considerations?
really don't know what to put for the likes of schizophrenia and emotional abuse ect as i don't have any knowledge of  of a child with these.

Has anyone here done concurrent plan already with a good outcome? would love to hear all about it! xx


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi Molly cat
Welcome , I too am new on here and searching for help with stuff. 
Unfortunately I can't help with your concurrent plan query. We are going down route of permanence which we know is a longer waiting time although we have a son at home and don't want to risk his heartache during this process. So we've made our peace with our decision and are happy to wait until it's meant to be instead of rushing in just to get a match sooner. Well that's the plan - I think the whole process can have some level of heartache but we are just trying to reduce it for our son. 
Re your pro forma info. We actually chose not to accept parental schizophrenia from personal experience and recent media coverage of a tragedy that occurred. 
We also chose to tick the 'will discuss' box regarding emotional abuse as this is a varied subject with vast levels of effect upon the individual and most children coming into care for adoption will have exp of this type of abuse. 
Please be aware this is our personal reaSoning and yours may be completely different depending on your family needs. 
We found completing that form the hardest to do in the whole process but it's also the most important - it's life long decisions that u r making and your chance to tell your sW what u can and cannot cope with. 
We feel we filled out the form truthfully to our situation. 
You must be nearing the end of HA?
R u in the northern board too?
Any plans for panel yet?

Sorry for al the questions - hope this info helps you a little at least.
Next visit for us is sW meeting with our son. 
Butterfly xx


----------



## mollycat

Thanks Butterfly, 

yes we are Northern Trust, hoping to be finished in a few weeks, our social worker is in the process of interviewing our references at the moment, then a panel date hopefully   

DP and I talked and talked all the pros and cons over concurrent and foster to adopt but we did think that concurrent was right for us... the extra risk is scary plus the added contact with BP ect, but we feel we can deal with that.

Social worker said she will come and discuss the form again, hopefully it will give us a stronger guiding..

thanks for your reply xxx


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi Molly cat

Yes you do what you can cope with. If your SW didn't think you cope cope with concurrent care then she would advise something else for you. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision to make and I wish you all the best. Xx
Ask on here for stories of successful concurrent care. I'm sure there are loads. 
SW don't like to get us too excited so are more forth coming with negatives in order to prepare us for the what ifs!!
Did you try asking your SW to link you up with other concurrent plan adoptions that have been successful?  They can do that.  

Loads of luck and I'll be in touch no doubt
Butterfly xx


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi everyone

I'm currently expecting a 2nd opinion vidicon from SW boss. Has anyone had one and what's involved?  What does she do on her visit and does she ask questions already covered or new ones?
Thank you in advance
Butterfly xx


----------



## galaxy girl

Yes we had one. Think it's routine. Ours tried to talk us into upping the amount of children we would consider! Was good to hear someone else thought we were suitable to adopt . Get nice biscuits in.!!


----------



## Butterfly06

GG - thank you 
I think we will be nervous at every single step. 
Nice bickies always help every situation )

I'm hoping this last bit of homework is indeed the last, it's time consuming with work, DS, the HA visits and other stuff.  

Any tips greatly appreciated xxx
Butterfly xx


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi
Having trouble sleeping tonight n I was just wondering..  
At the approval panel- how long does it all roughly take?
We will be going to ballymena - I think

Any one any advice on the whole internet and social media thing for teenagers meeting up later on?
Would that be to have clear boundaries of the rules like- knowing the passwords and saying it will all be checked regularly stuff like that?

Butterfly


----------



## mollycat

hiya Butterfly, cant answer any of your questions but hope you were not to tired today lol


----------



## Butterfly06

Hey Molly cat

Lol funny getting out of bed wasn't much fun at all;(
But I'm surprisingly holding up ok - must be the sunshine!!

Does your wee one have to meet with the SW?
Maybe she's too young. 

Hope everyone well
Enjoy the fab weather while it lasts 

Butterfly xx


----------



## mollycat

hey Butterfly,

she has met sw when she goes with my sister while we are having our meetings, but she has never mentioned meeting with her in person, cant see her getting much sense out of a two and a half year old lol....

Lovely day today, lo and I  have just painted a pot easter egg decoration...  turned out rather good considering she mixed the little paint pots together   .... bargain easter stuff at pound land, got loads to keep her entertained!

I am sure it will be an early night for you tonight... i had a late one with watching the last widower.... was a great show!

hello to everyone else xx


----------



## mollycat

anyone see 15,000 kids and counting on c4?


----------



## Butterfly06

Yes Molly cat
Very sad and interesting. Think it's a sign of the new times that it is at last being broadcast to the general public. 

Very insightful and heart wrenching for all concerned.


----------



## mollycat

omg broke my heart..... looking forward to next weeks to see the adoption side!


----------



## ritchiem

Hi ladies

I just watched it. As mentioned very insightful. Also should bè good next week.

Have a lovely weekend.

Mags x


----------



## Butterfly06

Some day soon - I can't imagine how your feeling today. 
I will be keeping everything crossed for you tomorrow. 
From what I've read from you I'd say the trust will be glad to have you as a choice for them. You will be an asset to them. 
Wishing you bags and bags of good sleep for tonight
No doubt I'll be checking to hear from you soon with all your words of wisdom  
Take care and I'll be reading your yippee 
Xx butterfly


----------



## somedaysoon

That's so kind, Butterfly. Thank you! I am trying not to think about it at the moment. Taking my mind off things by packing to go on holidays on Thursday! Hope all is moving on well for you. Won't be long before you are at panel too x


----------



## babas

Good luck someday soon! X


----------



## mollycat

hoping all went well somedaysoon xxx


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi someday soon
Just read your post. 
Bet you have a major grin on you and rightly so. 
Congratulations big time. 
And what news about a profile!! Oh your holidays will go so slow for you now. 
Fingers n toes crossed that your profil is your lo. 
Enjoy your break away
Maybe you will have to change your profile name soon!! 
Butterfly xx


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi can anyone help with my homework

What would we do if a child doesn't want to go to birth contact? Think she was meaning an adolescent but not sure

How would we control ******** and other sites for meeting undesirables from birth family?

Any help greatly appreciated 
I've got brain freeze!!
Thanks butterfly


----------



## somedaysoon

I'm just so relieved, Butterfly! Very exciting times. Thanks mollycat and babas too. These boards have been a great source of encouragement. Will try to put the idea of a potential match to the back of my mind but it will be hard!

As for your homework, Butterfly it sounds similar to ours. I would probably discuss openly with the child why they don't like contact, then discuss it with social worker to see if contact is still in the child's best interests. They like you to be very positive about contact, so probably encouraging the child to attend contact in a positive manner if it is still the best plan for them. The same applies to ******** etc. The more open you are about their life history, the less likely they are to seek answers by finding their parents via social media. Hope this is of some help x


----------



## Butterfly06

Sds. Thank you for your help. It'll be a good starting point for me. 
Jump into bed knowing you've gotten one step closer. Enjoy the moment 

Hear from you soon
Xx


----------



## mollycat

Great news somedaysoon!!! Have a great holiday....cant wait to hear all the news when you come back refreshed xxx


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi everyone
I'm looking to pick your brains and thoughts 

My question is......
If we get approved at adoption panel, do we have to attend a fostering panel after that if we are going for dual approval? 

Does anyone know will it be a formality or nother nail biting exp?

My next question is....
What happens next?
How does our profile/info get into the hands of the children's sW looking for adoptive placements for children?  Is it all sent somewhere after approval or does the child sW ask our sW if she has anyone that fits the criteria for the child?
Hope you understand what I mean. 

Questions questions!! N
Butterflyxx


----------



## galaxy girl

Butterfly we had fostering panel day before adoption one and didn't have to attend it- just got a phone call afterwards to say we had been approved. 

Think in our trust there are matching meetings and you get discussed  when your name reaches near the top of the waiting list. 

After 6 months you go on the n Ireland wide list.


----------



## Butterfly06

Molly cat - thank you for all your advice. I see from your other post you are starting to think ahead.  Aghhhh it's very scarey. Hope you get all your answers 
1 more question from me- on your 2nd opinion visit did your SW come along with her seniour?

Galaxy girl -thank you for all your advice too. It really is invaluable to have someone who knows what your going through to answer the wuestions and wueries as they happen. 
Sorry for the horrendous spelling but my iPhone is playing up big time!!

Hope everyone is doing ok
Butterfly cx


----------



## mollycat

hiya Butterfly,

on my second opinion we had our social worker and her manager...went really well. I did waffle a lot ( do that when im nervous) but all was good... next stage panel... will be utterly nervous.

Yeah didnt get any answers to my questions... will just wing it! Hard fitting in around here sometimes.

Whens you next visit? Let me know how your wee man gets on xxx

hi to everyone else xxx


----------



## Butterfly06

Another question??
Prob for those further down the line than me -

After panel in NI and if we get a call about a possible link and the sW brings out info- does anyone know at this very first stage how much info is given? Is a photo included at this point?
Then at the next stage when you decide you def to know more, how much info is given?  I've read about CPR, is this the same in NI?
I've also read that adopters emailing the child s, does this also happen in NI?
We are in northern trust. 
Sorry for all the questions but my mind does tend to fly away with me at times!!!

Butterfly xx
Please also if anyone has any questions that I can help with please don't be aftaid to ask


----------



## roxy121

Hi Everyone 


My goodness its all go go go on here since I was last on.. I took a break just to give my head peace for a while   


Well this is me at current SW visited Feb14 , now starting Prep Course may/june 14.


Ive been catching up on your posts and TBH im petrified of getting all geared up for this to be turned down.


We have just two issues im concerned about DH has medical condition which has left him with limited mobility to do things although im fully mobile and energetic (he is to a certain extent too)  and we have a dog who doesnt really know kids and im worried about that part of it too as through my journey that little ladies been my wee cuddler    


So another journey of stress will begin lol ..      


Good Luck in your journies xx


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi roxy 

Welcome back 
I can't sleep hence sitting on here at this time. I won't be so interested about this at 7am!!!

Re your hubby - have u had any feedback on this at all from your SW. Your SW can ask their panel advisor for advice even before you proceed much further. I think your SW will focus on this issue- it may only be your issue and the may not see it as an issue at all but I can see your point of wanting to know before completing the whole process 
We had a similar scenario where our SW focused on our issue, she gathered info from us and then with the advice of her leader she wrote up a report on the issue and presented it to the panel advisor. It was nerve wracking to wait over the weekend for the verdict wether we were going to proceed or stop the whole process. Thankfully the panel advisor thought it was not an issue in terms if our ability to parent sn adoptive child. Phewwww
I suspect perhaps your GP etc will be called upon to provide evidence of being physically able to parent a child. This may be done in the medical checks anyway. 
I think this is def a good option for u to try just for your own peace of mind. 

Re your dog - if your concerned about your dogs ability to go down the pecking order once a LO is placed I'm afraid you may have to start thinking about introducing the concept to your dog as early as possible so she/he can adapt when the time comes. You will have to go through a pet questionnaire and they will give you a list if expected standards you must abide by. They do recommend no pets upstairs or in the sleeping rooms and they like to know that if your dog didn't not settle with a lO that you would part with the dog to either a friend or re home it 

R u in the northern trust? Concurrent or dual approved?
Have you an idea of your age range? Maybe a slightly older child will suit your husbands condition better?  
Just thinking out loud

There is lots to think about and I can see why you needed a break. 
I think after panel I will take a break for a while to concentrate on other things. 

Hope you are ok
Fire away with any questions and I will try to help. If I can't, there's sure to be someone who can on here. 

Butterfly xx


----------



## roxy121

Hi butterfly 

I'm on my iphone so if it doesn't type correctly I apologise in advance haha

As per SW, I myself requested this to be looked into further as I felt it needed to be addressed. So we've both been for our medicals prior to prep course. They've asked for permission to contact his Consultant as well. We don't mind as I'd rather get this done now instead of going through all this for nothing. I am aware even after all this it's really up to the panel. 

As for my little casey old girl is ten but undid speak to SE she said it's more how we will handle casey with a child what measures would you put In place etc 

Thanks for answering my questions it's a difficult process and again everything is not as simple as just going on a course doing the meetings etc there's a whole lot more to this than anyone could ever imagine .

Xx


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi roxy. 
It sounds like your well prepared for it by even wanting these issues cleared before you go on. The panel advisor will def give you great advice at this early stage. 
Re your old girl at home. I can picture it
I'd say your SW is just you to say what you would do- it's all common sense stuff. Suggest a stair gate at certain points in the house to help LO see her and become familiar with her, and vies versa too. It'll be a big change for your gal at home too. 
Just even saying you are aware that LO always comes first etc etc along with safety measures of keeping doggy poop cleared at all times etc is all she may need to know. 

Good luck n I'll keep an eye open for your progress. 

Butterfly xx


----------



## roxy121

Thanks butterfly

Yeh I'm trying to get myself prepared as possible and I'm trying to do some research...

Has anyone any books they recommend ? 

Good luck all 
Xx


----------



## Butterfly06

I personally use
The primal wound - good reference book for all aspects of effects on the child, birth parents, adoptive family etc
Adoption - a family affair
Related by adoption, these 2 to give out to extended family as to how they can prepare and support LO and us
I also got other books to help birth child prepare for an adoptive sibling  
Can't really recommend any other sorry
But if you post on the main forum I'm sure u could get loads of advice.


----------



## galaxy girl

Butterfly- we didn't get a photo when first hearing about boys. We saw some a couple of weeks later when we met child's social worker. 

Also didn't see CPR . Did see reports at a later stage. 

We met with boys Fc following matching panel


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi
This thread is very quiet. Come on you Northern Ireland girls- u must have some news 

AFM - report read and handed back in. Hopefully going to panel 4th June. 
Just a matter or waiting now
It feels so weird to not have any research or visits anymore and it actually hit me- the next visit will be if a link is brought forward to us!!!
We never thought about getting this far. It's almost in our reach, but yet so very far away still. 
Any tips on what people did to make the time fly by? I actually miss researching, any tips on something you found interesting that wasn't in your HA. 

Also if I can be of any help to anyone, please just ask I'm more than happy to help. 
Butterfly xx


----------



## ritchiem

Hi Butterfly

You sound as if everything is going well for you. How exciting, the panel is just around the corner for you.

We are still doing HA but are scheduled for panel in August. Referees etc are being checked now.

I was wondering how it would be when the visits stopped, as the preparation and homework can be all consuming- but in a good way  

Yes please. Any hints or tips at this stage would be brilliant. We have just completed the tick list in our visit last week and we have another next week. I'm not sure how many thereafter.

I am sure you cannot wait to see any links that you are given.

Best of luck at panel

Mags x


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi mags

I know what you mean about the research. I thought I was looking forward to it ending but now it has I'm missing it!! Weird. But I suppose the more we can research now the more equipped we will be later - fingers crossed anyway. 

We are just waiting on an invite to panel and then to attend!  Sounds ok if I say it fast!!!!

We are going dual approved and have been told of a possible long wait so not doing anything to the bedroom just yet, we've decided to wait til a link is actually agreed. 
What about you?
It's a weird feeling to not have our SW visit this week, we are going to have to schedule something else for mid week to fill in the time quicker. 

Our report was comprehensive and took about 2 hours to read fully but pleasant reading throughout so that was a relief. 

Molly cat - r u still all systems go for early June too?

Butterfly xx


----------



## ritchiem

Hi butterfly06

We are looking at approval for concurrent planning and Siblings. We are 
attending a course at the end of the month for sibling groups and how they work.


I know that you are going to be dual approved- but are you going down the concurrent route?

Have you got your date for panel?

Mags x


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi mags

We are aiming for dual approved and not going concurrent. It's just not for us with us having a 6 year old already at home. 
We are ok with waiting, if it's meant to be it will be and if not- then that's ok too. 

Although I love reading about the links and matches others get, with you being concurrent you should be matched way before me even tho panel is sooner for us. 

I'll keep my eyes open for news 
What trust are you with?  Were northern.


----------



## ritchiem

Hi Butterfly06

We are Northern trust too.
I suppose we are aware of the risks with concurrent, we went on a BAAF course on it to get more info.
We also have the Siblings course coming up at the end of the month. We are trying to 
be as well informed as possible.

Let me know when you are heading to panel and you can fill me in on your experience.

Everything crossed for you 

Mags x


----------



## roxy121

OMW i cant believe its our Prep course this week, I am excited nervous 


Can anyone tell me what I can expect ?? 


Hope everyones doing well xx


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi roxy 
Think they all may differ but I can tell you about ours. 
We were all seated in a semi circle with 2 social workers seated. At the front delicering the course. It was an interactive course with a mixture of us - potential adopters, foster carers who wanted to adopt a particular child/ren already in their care and approved foster carers who simply wanted to adopt and stop fostering. 

It covered a whole range if topics , it mostly tried to get the point across that the children who are placed for adoption have particular needs,come with elements of trauma - naturally as they have been subjected to, witnessed or lived through very extreme situations. 
It also explores your life- and how you think you could juggle all the dands that adoption places upon you. 
The general feeling around the room in our course was very negative but now that we've done heaps and heaps of research we feel it was true information but heavy!!
We also had guest speakers come a long to give their views on their processes which was invaluable. After the course is completed you will be asked if you want to make a formal application. If you decide that you do, it is sent into your local trust and you wait to be assigned a social worker. 
One tip is please don't even think about the timeframe. In Northern Ireland it is a slow process but it really does go by very quickly if you utilise your time with finding out as much as you can about a range of disabilities,attachment disorder etc. if you decide it's for you it will all snow ball until you find yourself at panel. 

Keep an open mind, be truthful to yourself, it's a lifelong commitment, make the right decisions for your family not the social worker and read as much as you can. 

We are now due to go to panel next week and it has really went in a flash since we were in your shoes. Even if we do get approved it may never happen, or we could wait for years in northern iteland for a match. 
NI is different to England, so keep that in mind if you read posts from England. 
I'll be glad to answer any questions- I wish I had of been on here right from the start of our journey to adoption- ask away and good luck xx


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi everyone 
Hope everyone is plodding along nicely. 
We've just had notice today we are now being delayed until July panel.  I can't help but feel a bit deflated but head knows it's only an extra 4 weeks and it's obviously not meant to b in June. Just wish we had this stage over us. 

Anybody else any good news or even just news to report?

Butterfly xx


----------



## ritchiem

Sorry up hear Butterfly that you have been delayed.
Your 4 weeks will fly by and you will be at panel in no time.

We have had a bit of a curved ball this week which has made us view our
adoption progress differently. I was offered a new job with my old company 
that I got made redundant from years ago.
Financially it puts us in far better stead to look at a Sibling group but maybe not concurrent as I would have to work the initial 12 months to qualify for adoption leave. I have told them about the adoption and the fact that it could be later next year and they were fine with that.
My concern is what the SW will think. She had raised the financial query and the same day I got the call.

Has anyone else had this issue where they changed employment in the adoption process?

I am not sure wether to look at it or not. I don't want to rock the boat. We go to panel in August.


Your advice would be much appreciated.

Mags x


----------



## Butterfly06

Ritchiem
Gosh that is a dilemma. 
I can't give you brill advice unfortunately, maybe mention to your SW for her advice?  
It may be not so bad with you already having worked for your new job offer, but then they may ask why you left before. 
Surely financial security is a good thing, but then as you say you need to change from concurrent to dual approved, but something's do happen for a reason. 

Option 1 speak to SW to test the water
Option 2 take the job and change your plan for care and take the consequences that may occur - possible delay to panel
Option 3 turn down the job and have financial concerns but stay on track re adoption
Option 4 hide and say nothing to nobody til after panel!!
Tough decision ahead 

Maybe put a thread on main topic to see what response you get. 
Sorry I can't be of more help. 
Butterfly xx


----------



## ritchiem

Thanks Butterfly for taking the time to respond.

I have left a message for our SW to call us. 
So just have to wait and see.

Mags x


----------



## roxy121

Hi Ladies,


Ive been 2 days into my prep course now boyso but theres a lot of information good and bad.


Im going to be very honest here and say as someone who works in sales i felt that they where pushing the whole concurrent route the whole time i know it helps getting through the process quicker etc but financially its a big gamble/stress of it maybe not going they way you hoped. Maybe it was just me but i know a sales pitch when i hear one...


im finding the course helpful but so much put on you to think about, the whole work book thing made me feel like i was back at school lol ....     


so one more day of the course then we just have to wait on the Home Study to start, we new what we where in for i just hope we get there in the end      


Girls i wish you all the best of luck, i shall be asking lots of questions on home study soon hehe!!


Roxy xx


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi roxy

Yes the prep course is a head scratcher, I think it's done deliberately like that to sort the serious from the not ready yet group- if u know what I mean. 
Regarding concurrent - yes it's the big push but huge gambles in lots of ways for everyone concerned. I think it's to eventually replace foster carers, as they receive an allowance and no payment is made to concurrent carers which of course reduces their financial burden. I can't help but think, the burden will be shifted onto the adoptive family which can only produce stressful times- everything that they preach through home assessments that should be kept to a minimum. Doesn't make sense really. 
In theory I can see the benefit for the child, however that child may still go through a number of moves until finally settled and placed. 
Only you as an individual or couple will know if it's the right route for you, personally we are going dual approved because of the risk of heartache, level of contact which would be 4 or 5 times a week, financial and our personal beliefs. We are not in a specific hurry and are prepared to wait for whatever is meant to be. 
Take it all in and make an educated decision without the pressure of the social worker speech. 
Loads of good luck xx


----------



## Jillyhen

Hi girls

I havent posted in a while but have been lurking.

Things havent been going well for us regarding home visits & adoption havent had the social worker out since april basically our house wasnt good enough!! Said it wasnt fit to have a child living in it. There had been some dog on the stairs on her last visit and then when she was coming again the house was gleaming and still wasnt right. We had pulled the plug on the whole thing as hubby  didnt want to proceed then i got him talked round if we had a change of social worker.

An email has been sent asking for this and an old colleague of mine who now works in social work had spoke to a couple of other social workers said your other doll wasnt right in saying all that.

It has been a tough couple of months for us but will see how things go if we get allocated a new social worker.

Hope everything if going well for the rest of you lovely ladies

Jillyhen x


----------



## galaxy girl

Aw jillyhen that's horrible..and really strange thing to pick up on?!. Hope you get allocated a new sw soon. As far as I remember the main things re the house are a bedroom for each child and an enclosed back garden.


----------



## mollycat

Hiya Girls,

been awol too....

stick with it Jillyhen, i am right behind ya x

hope everyone else is doing good!!

We got a Yes at panel today... phewww so glad that is all behind us now and onto the next stage!


----------



## Butterfly06

Hey molls
You know what I think
Supercalafragalisticespialidosious!!!!


----------



## Butterfly06

Jillyhen
Honestly you seem to be being pulled through the mill!
Keep your eyes on the finish line and rise above it. Keep your cool and plod on

Loads of luck your way xx


----------



## mollycat

thanks Butterfly!

have you a date for panel?


----------



## Butterfly06

Unofficial 2nd July but suppose need to wait for formal invite to be 100% certain. 
Sent you a pm earlier x


----------



## Jillyhen

Thanks girls

Whoopeee Mollycat. Congrats mrs x


I dont think i can go on to be honest, have sent an email to the senior social worker she wants dates that hubby is off so that she can call to see what our issues are. I have been having probs with my back and went to see my Gp agai yesterday he took one look at me said i looked weary and muggins here broke down in floods. I cant see us going ahead with the trust and i really dont think she will let us change social worker

Have any of you looked into the church of ireland's adoption route's??

Jillyhen


----------



## Butterfly06

Oh jilly hen. 
Sending you hugs 
I've been in your emotional place loads of times throughout the past decade. I totally feel for you. I think it's especially worse when you know in your deepest heart you can provide a fantastic home and family unit for a wee child who desperately needs one and it seems that people are putting hurdles in your way. Grrr

If it's any constellation my friend went through the full process and right before panel she felt she couldn't go on - for a variety of reasons personal to her, then after a year and a half, felt she was ready for the hurdles and felt strong to jump over them this time! After a full home assessment again, aproval at panel she was quickly matched with a gorgeous LO and is living as a very content family of 3 now this past year. 

Maybe you need time to cry, shout, scream, lay in bed, recover mentally and physically. Then re evaluate before deciding your next moves. 

Never heard of the church of Ireland but why don't you ring to c what they are about. 

Thinking of you xxxxxx


----------



## galaxy girl

I know of them cause they ran the counselling service at the royal - which I used and thought was excellent . 

I know they run info evenings on their adoption services. We were invited to a couple . Def phone them and suss it out. Would have been a viable option for us if trust didn't work out.


----------



## mollycat

Hiya Girls.... hows everyone doing?

Just loving the weather at the moment, hope it lasts   

Butterfly...not long now...have you had your letter yet for panel date?

Jillyhen... feel weird writing to you on here... when you pop up in my head in I normally text you   

big hugs to everyone...just thought id pop in and say hi!!!


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi Molly cat

At last the sun is shining on us)))
Fingers crossed it lasts after June until I get my holidays, 8 weeks of sunshine please will do me nicely  
No official letter yet although we've been told we won't get it until the end of June. We've been busy with other stuff recently and it's weird that once the home visits are over it's all less in the forefront of our thoughts - which is a good thing - I think!!

How's the waiting going? Any sneaky news yet? I'm expecting a wee message any time soon from you after the fostering panel. Fingers crossedxx

This is extremely slow on here of late, think everyone in hiding lol

Have been thinking of Jillyhen. Hope she finds the strength very soon to make those decisions facing her.


----------



## mollycat

hiya Butterfly,

heard today we went to fostering panel early, we got a yes too, cant believe that part is all done and dusted now....

still no news on a link...but i am in no hurry at the moment, trying to get Saskia's birthday party organised for August.
Its going to be a Frozen party since this is the big obsession at the moment lol...

hope all is well with everyone else...not long now till summer holidays!!


----------



## Butterfly06

Hey I was thinking about you today - great minds??
I've been on a frozen extravaganza today as we had our end of year party and we had loads of treats, music - mostly frozen songs!, and dressing up of course- any excuse for me to prance about in a frilly skirt lol
I think I could actually be your very own frozen themed entertainer now

We too are thinking and discussing the whole birthday bash. We will be cutting cake on the same day!! Love it 

I think you may get approached very soon then it'll be all systems go with decision making
Afu - sW rang today to arrange a visit next week just to refresh us re panel which is hopefully the following Wednesday - fingers crossed
Just want it to be over now, it's been great to not be thinking about it all the time. 

Summer holidays are fast approaching woohoo


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## mollycat

haha Butterfly, 

can just imagine you dancing around in your best Elsa costume.... hehe, oh totally forgot your wee man shares the same birthday too, what kind of cake is he looking for this year? I am nearly all sorted Birthday wise..... looking forward to seeing her wee face when she sees the  Elsa we have coming  btw is it you? lol

Oh its funny how you forget about all things adoption then its put right into the hot seat again.... we have our social worker coming out with some paper work a week Monday, no link yet, but was not thinking it would be any time soon.

Have you anything planned for summer holidays? We have nothing in place as didnt know where we would be in this process, so i guess it will just be a few trips around our bonnie auld country...

done the Zoo at Easter so maybe try Carfunnock in Larne next... 
any ideas on where else is good.. would love to do a few nights Glamping in one of them wooden cabins... think it would be fun.... anyone done it before??

think I am going mad with all this football... really is there any need for my other half to watch every match... least I have time to check in these days lol


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## Butterfly06

Hi everyone!!!!
Where is everyone at!!

Anyone got any updates or news

We r way too quiet on here,


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## Angie Baby

Panel date 16th December!!! Mixed feelings nervous excited!!


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## Alliwant1

Hi everyone, me & DH are from NI and are at the initial stages of adoption. We have had a failed IVF using donor eggs in March 2014. We have had one visit with the social worker who explained a bit about adoption and the process. She is coming to the house tomorrow again so that we can fill in forms for all our checks. There is a prep course at the end of Jan/start of Feb that we will hopefully be placed on.
Just wanting to say hi really and ask for any advice, timescales etc?
Husband has bi-polar but has two jobs. It is managed really well with medication. Can anyone tell me from experience if this would present a problem?
Many thanks,
Alliwant1


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## Jillyhen

Hi girls

How everyone is doing ok.

Im just letting you know that we have decided to pull the plug on adoption we just cant put ourselves through it at the minute.

I found out in July i was pregnant naturally which sadly ended up in miscarriage again as the baby had died so we are going to focus on trying again naturally.

Will still pop on now and again to read updates

Jillyhen


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## galaxy girl

Sorry to hear that jilly hen


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## Angie Baby

Hi ladies hope you all are well and going well with your adoption journey me and dh went to panel on Tuesday 16th December and got approved we are over the moon.


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## somedaysoon

Congrats, Angie. That's brilliant news. Can honestly tell you it is the best decision we ever made. Our little girl is just lovely and we are amazed by all the things she does each day. All the best with matching etc x


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