# I dont know if i can do this anymore....



## colandjulie (Aug 27, 2009)

I am having a very bad day.......

I did an early test today and got another  and i just dont know how much more of this i can take.. 
My Clomid side effects are getting worse each month (5 cycles now), my dh is getting fed up with having a psycho wife and getting less tolerant/understanding at my outbursts and i am so unhappy and frustrated.

I havent felt like i am pregnant (i get lots of symptoms normally but havent this month) during most of my 2ww but the last couple of days i had the exact same pain in the middle of my tummy that i had when i was preg and i felt as sick as a pig in the mornings so i actually wondered - only have my fears realised again    

i just wish there was something i could do to sort out the side effects and mood swings cause i am really struggling...... does anyone have any ideas/advice............. please..  

Julie


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## clomid user (Dec 14, 2008)

Hi julie hun im sorry you are feeling this way  i hated clomid and was an absolute nutter on it...i could of killed so meny people...including dh  
i had 4 months of clomid and in the end my cons stopped it as it made me feel like s**t..
and they put me on letrozole it was a god send and so so so differant from clomid...i never had any se's at all...i would never take clomid again nor recomend it 
why dont you ring your cons up and chat to him about it.....if it is makeing you feel like this you should change to something else.
Good luck hun...i hope all works out for you cu xxx


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## shell2311 (Mar 27, 2008)

Hi Julie,

I am so sad to here that you are feeling so down, and i have been there. I was on clomid over a year ago for a few months (have pcos). Then stopped because had lap and dye and ovarian diathermy. Then last October started on the clomid again and hated every minute of it both times. The symptoms are aweful and we put ourselves under so much pressure and stress while on it to get everything just right, then when you get a BFN its horrible.

I decided to give up for a while and stopped taking the clomid in march wanted to feel human again. I truely said this is never going to happen for me.

hubby and I decided to move house from Oxford back to Derbyshire were my family live. So we totally put the baby dream to one side. Bought a house new furniture etc. 

But have faith and dont give up totally maybe a break for a few months will do your sanity and your body the world of good. 2 days before we moved I had the shock of my life a BFP and i am 16 weeks now.

I hope this doesnt upset you even more but i just wanted to say sometimes a break from the meds and a few months when you dont think about anything to do with dates times etc, can really do the trick. It has taken 5 years for me so you never know whats around the corner. 

take care of yourself and a couple of months of fun and recouporation may be just what the doctor ordered.

lots of hugs  

shell


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## professor waffle (Apr 23, 2005)

Hi Julie

Huge   as have been there too. One point is that at day 22 you could still be testing too early even on a 25 day cycle so step away from the HPT's!!

Secondly if clomid is having serious side effects there are a couple of options. I did accupuncture & that helped me enourmously with the s/e's but it can be pricy to add that on if you're saving for further treatments. The other is to speak to your clinic as there is another drug called tamoxifen which might suit you better, it's not routinely prescribed as not all clinics are aware of it & it is more expensive than clomid (I think letrazole, which is also similar was about £20 a pack a few years ago), it might be worth suggesting a private prescription if they're not willing to prescribe it on the NHS.

Don't suffer in silence if it's bad hon


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## colandjulie (Aug 27, 2009)

Thank you so much for your replies clomid user, shell and pw....

Your kindness made me  but in a good way..

I rang my consultant this morning following your advice and managed to bring my appointment forward so i'll try for a change in meds - and if they argue i will ask for a private prescription (i wouldnt have thought about doing that!) - all i know is i cannot go on like this anymore... My new app is next thurs - she has actually fit me in before her clinic actually starts.. Unfortunately i am due on on Sunday so will be to late to start anymeds but i have decided to give my body (and my poor dh) a month off! Thank you so much for all your advice - it really did help a lot - i was at the end of my tether!!

Unfortunately my bad day actually got worse yesterday....At 8pm i got a text from my supposed best friend telling me that she was having a miscarriage and was on route to hosp in an ambulance - so i rushed to her side (a little upset that she hadnt told me was she was even preg - we have discussed this before and i told her i would want to know). When i got there was told by her that she wasnt sure she was even pregnant, hadnt done a test and had no symptons..... To say that i was a bit  at this point is apt! Well after being there for four hours she was told that it was her period.... HER PERIOD!!!!   How can someone that is 28yrs old mistake a period for a m/c - there is no comparison having had one!! I am so upset with her and i dont think she has even considered the effect that this has had on me! Especially the way i am feeling at the moment!!

*Shell - i am so so pleased for you!! Congrats hun - you really deserve it!*

Thanks again Ladies.
xxx


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## Anj (Apr 26, 2009)

Hi Julie,

Just read your post, I'm sorry your going through this, at least you've got appt with cons so hopefully she will listen and prescribe something else.
I'm on my 4th round o clomid and like you, my DP is not tollerating my mood swings that much and i'm also fed up with feeling like s**t, i had a month off clomid and felt like a normal person or at least i think so  

I can't believe your friend, but you wanted to scream in her face.
I hope your day gets better, my advice is to have a glass of wine (yes i know alcohol is not good, but it might help!!)

big  
Anj x


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## Loopdy (Aug 27, 2009)

Hi Julie,

I am new to this site but read your post and was thinking about you over the weekend.  I'm on Clomid, just finished my second cycle and struggling a little with the side affects myself.

I just wondered how you were feeling today?  Not long until Thursday when you have your appointment where I'm sure your consultant will help.

Me and my husband (newlyweds) have been trying for over 2 and a half years now and although I am glad we've started down the assisted fertility route I find myself reading my body signs on a daily basis.  It does seem really cruel that the SE are the same as if we were pregnant I must say.

Hope this finds you well.

Loopdy


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## colandjulie (Aug 27, 2009)

Hi Loopdy... And welcome to ff - i have found this site such a help and hope that you will too. everyone

I'd love to say that i am feeling better but unfortunately AF came last night so i'm a bit        I know it just confirmed what i already knew but i am still devastated.. And now i really dont know what to do - do i take the clomid as usual or wait until next month and hopefully new meds - i was going to have a month off and i know its silly but i just think if i dont take the clomid i may miss my chance - do you know what i mean?

How long have you been married? Your timing is pretty much the same as ours - we had been trying for about 2.5 yrs when we started on the assisted fertility route..

I hope that you get your   very soon. I'm sending lots of      your way! i am always here if you want a chat as well - it really is good to have friends, who understand your journey, to talk to..



And..... Anj - thanks for your message - i took you advice and have a nice glass of wine..... or 4!! lol 
Its not good that you are suffering as well - i feel so sorry for our other halves - it must be so hard on them... Why dont you try to get an app with your cons and ask for a change of meds as well - it seems there are a couple out there without the awful s/e of the clomid...

xxx


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## Loopdy (Aug 27, 2009)

Oh Julie, I'm sorry about AF arriving.  I totally understand how devastated you feel, despite deep down knowing that you probably aren't pregnant, it doesn't stop you from hoping that you are.  I found that reading a BFN on a test was some how worse than getting AF.  Maybe it's because it actually says the dreaded words! 

I totally know what you mean about missed opportunities, there are days when you think, it's just one month out of my life to have a break from thinking about it...... but then the time arrives and you think maybe this month and you get renewed optimism.  Viscious circle  .  Pehaps talk to your BH (still learning acronyms!) and see what he thinks.

Tim and I got married this year, 22nd May, it's still very much a novelty!  Our timings are similar aren't they.  Maybe we'll bring each other luck    Sending those positives right back at you.

So, all we need is one magic month Julie, you hang in there 'cos it's far from over  

Loopdy
x


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## Loopdy (Aug 27, 2009)

Loopdy said:


> Oh Julie, I'm sorry about AF arriving. I totally understand how devastated you feel, despite deep down knowing that you probably aren't pregnant, it doesn't stop you from hoping that you are. I found that reading a BFN on a test was some how worse than getting AF. Maybe it's because it actually says the dreaded words!
> 
> I totally know what you mean about missed opportunities, there are days when you think, it's just one month out of my life to have a break from thinking about it...... but then the time arrives and you think maybe this month and you get renewed optimism. Viscious circle . Pehaps talk to your BH (still learning acronyms!) and see what he thinks.
> 
> ...


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