# Work vs Not



## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi everyone. It's been a while since I posted. Things are going pretty well but there is something I just can't get right in my head. I do enjoy my job and have many friends there. I'm an engineer so worked hard to get my degree etc and landed a job with my favourite company. There's nothing wrong with work per se but I'm not sure it's right for LOs. 
I have siblings, aged 3 and 4, home for 2 years. Eldest at school, youngest at nursery. 
I don't have family around so on the 3 days I work they go to the nursery, they run a breakfast and after school club for school kids. It's a long day, I drop them at 8 and hubby picks them up at 6.10pm. Honestly this is as flexible as wit can get with our hours, we have gone over that and there's no way we can change it. 
Every morning the kids are so sad when it's work day and so happy on my days off, even though eldest goes to school shes quite happy knowing I'll pick her up at 3. I work 3 days. I have to peel my youngest off and run away and the look on his face is heartbreaking. 
I do enjoy the extra money and it's good pay but after the childcare and doggy day care costs (I know! 😃) I'm basically working for 150 pounds a week. This will be better when youngest starts school next year. 
If I gave up work I'd never get a part time engineering job in my field again advice they just aren't out there. But the LOs have to be my priority. 
Friends with birth kids say they feel same etc but their kids haven't been through what mine have. And eldest has attachment difficulties that are still very evident. 
What are your views. 
Financially we would cope but carefully and frugally. 
Thanks all. Look forward to hearing your views, pros and cons etc  
GG xxx


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## ciacox (May 31, 2013)

It's a tricky one. We'll be in the same position in Feb and I'm also worried about how LO will cope. I do think it's important to think long term though, for your kids and for you. It's not easy to find a job that you love and it would be a big loss into the long term. I know it seems far off now but in reality it won't be long before your kids are quite independent and you'll need a role other than being a parent. Is a career break a possibility? Get you through the next year or two and then return. Employers like to hold on to good employees and are sometimes willing to give more than you expect. Be interested to hear what others think!


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Thank for replying. A career break might be the answer. They will only give up to 6 months in a 5 year period and if you take longer you have to resign and reapply. But 6 months would at least see youngest into school by the time I would be able to start the sabbatical in march. 
But I think it will be quite a few years before they are independent so I'd prefer longer. I'll ask the boss at work what he thinks. I guess I can be honest. 
Thanks again for reply. 
Would love to hear from someone who has given up a job they liked and what they feel about it.


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## RB76 (Jul 27, 2011)

Hi Goofy,

I was a teacher from 1999-2013 and by the time I left my job, I'd been head of a big department for seven years. I also have an MBA and a headship qualification, so it was a huge decision to leave. Our daughters were born very prematurely, and we lost one shortly after birth, with our surviving daughter needing and still needing lots of extra care and health appointments etc, so the decision was made for us in a way as we don't have family around to help with child care.

So, I've now been out of my career for over three years and I'm going to be looking for part time teaching work for next September. I have no regrets at all about leaving, it's been an amazing few years. The benefits are obvious really - I've loved having so much time with my daughter, and we are very close, closer than we would have been should she have been at nursery full time, I'm sure. However I won't lie, sometimes it has been hard in that there is a lot of repetition, finding things to do etc, and not having adult conversation as much as I would like (or all baby/ child talk which isn't me either). I enjoy the time my daughter is at pre school now as I get a bit of time for myself, but I have no desire at all to be off when she's at school full time. Personally, I would get bored. I say this with the greatest of respect for anyone who does this, it's just not for me (and also, I realise many people would give their right arm to be off with their longed for child for four years, and I'm very thankful and grateful to have been able to do it).

I think it is well worth a chat with your employer and see what options there are. You may then have to follow your heart. A lot of people said to me when I finished "you will never get these years back but you can work again later". It doesn't look like we will be able to have another child, so that's very very true. 

Good luck x


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

Not quite the same situation as we couldn't afford for me to give up completely but I gave up a job I loved to go part time. In my field part time really doesn't work so my job is now pretty dull and quite mind numbing. On the other hand I get a lot more time with my kids now then I did when youngest was born and I went back full time. When oldest was 3 we adopted and that's when I went part time. She needed me in different ways than he did and full time childcare would have just been too much for her. 3 years down the line and we have adopted again - twice more and I can't see when I will ever be full time again.

As rb76 says it can be quite hard to switch your brain off and there are many times when I scream to myself that people used to respect my opinion and do what I say. On the other hand if I hadn't made this change I am sure we would be having big problems with second eldest now and I agree ypu just cant get these years back.

Can you cope without work though? Be honest with yourself if you would resent having to give up something you worked hard to achieve


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Thank you so much RB and tictoc. 
It's looking like a career break will be the best answer as then youngest will be in school by the time I have to go back. And if I do / don't enjoy being off I will know what to do. 
I did enjoy adoption leave a lot. Kids went to nursery part time so I did get time to myself but kids got a lot of time too. I missed work at first when times were tough but once I made good friends with other parents etc I enjoyed it more. 
It's the going back, for me I'll never get a part time engineering job in my field as they don't exist. I've only got this due to being in the role full time to start with. So I'd have to get a different job, or go full time (never an option for me as I know I wouldn't cope, and couldn't imagine kids gettting on ok with that) so feel rather stuck which isn't a nice feeling. 
I guess it's this trapped feeling I have which is unsettling 
Thanks for the food for thought. I'll speak to work about a career break.


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

HI GG,

Have you tried talking to your work or HR.  I know you say PT roles don't exist but there is a lot of movement about gender diversity especially in STEM and you could be a trail-blazer especially if you are only wanting to cover til youngest goes to school (at least just now anyway).

I have a strange working pattern that allows me to work from home 2 mornings a week and thus can pick up from nursery at lunch time (DH does the same but opposite days with grandparents on the 5th day).  I do have to juggle and can often find me working at 9/10pm once he's asleep but i get a lot of contacts hours with lil man and LO doesn't go more than 4 hours without having a stable attachment figure from the family which seems to really help his anxieties.  Only downside is I wont advance whilst my role is like this but i get some challenges that keep my mind ticking over (and helps the tough times)

Happy to share details over PM or bounce options around (I do this in my organisation for others who wish to become more flexible as our organisation is really trying to be seen as very strong for working parents and even with the best will sometimes it is difficult to see how the business can accomodate but there is normally a solution).
x


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Wow thanks Gertie. There is lots of talk of improving diversity atm so might be in a better position 
I've requested a meeting with the head of department to discuss. Should be next week. Eek


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