# 'Will you have another?' and presuming the 'problem' is me.



## beadyeyes (Sep 17, 2010)

We are so lucky - we have our little boy from our first ICSI cycle. He's 6 weeks old now and already we have Bren asked about if we'll have any more and when we'll have another. I'd love another and we do have 12 frosties. We have always been open about IVF but haven't always said why we need it. 

Now, people keep saying that I'll get pregnant naturally because so-and-so down the road did or because IVF will have kickstarted/boosted my fertility and fixed the problem. This annoys me so much. For one, why do people say such things? Secondly, why do people presume that the problem is with the woman? For us it's severe MF. I don't correct people most of the time but I have on the odd occasion.  IVF certainly can't kickstart a man's fertility can it? I just wish people wouldn't say such crappy things.

How do others respond to such comments?


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## Lollie2501 (May 9, 2011)

Firstly, Congratulations on the birth of your little boy  

I have had these exact same comments and we too have severe male factor and no chance of getting pregnant naturally!

The day we found out that my partner had azoospermia and that our only chance of pregnancy was surgical sperm extraction and ICSI my MIL still said 'don't worry, it'll happen naturally!' And she knew about our problems!

We got a BFP from treatment and I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and people are already saying 'You'll probably fall pregnant naturally after baby is born as so many people do after an IVF baby!'. 

I just let people think what they like now as they are the ones that are ignorant to what infertility and IVF involves but it doesn't stop these comments sending me crazy!! 

Love Lollie xxx xxx


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## beadyeyes (Sep 17, 2010)

Thanks Lollie  Abd congratulations on your pregnancy - that's amazing!

You're so right - people are very ignorant. I also find people don't understand how I am still sad and upset when I hear about others' pregancies, particularly number 2. It is their thought that I should be cured of my emotional distress now that I have my little boy. But I don't think I will be cured as I can never easily have all the kids I want.


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## Lollie2501 (May 9, 2011)

Thank you  We are over the moon! 

I agree with you and feel the feelings of infertility never go! They cause scars and I have friends that have had babies after treatment but still struggle each month when their AF arrives as it brings up emotions felt during the long and hard journey they had to go on!! 

Sadly unless people have been through it they will never understand! My MIL is the worlds worst, she had four children easily with no problems so she just doesn't get it!

BIG hugs and always here  

Lollie xxx xxx


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## pepperoni (Dec 11, 2009)

Beadyeyes congratulations on your totally gorgeous little boy and Lollie congratulations on your pregnancy   

I can completely agree with everything you have both said, IF and all the emotions that go with it don't just disappear when you are successful and finally have your dream and have a baby. 

We were also extremely lucky and have a wonderful DS from our first round of ICSI and like you Beadyeyes even before he was born people were telling me I would get pregnant now without treatment. It also makes me so angry for exactly the same reasons. I have learnt to say that infertility has many many causes and unfortunatly for us without the assistance of medicine our egg and our sperm cannot fertilise so a natural pregnany will never happen. We too have always been open about our IVF journey but only our parents and very close friends know the real reasons why.

Our DS is now 17 months old and we have just started our second ICSI journey..... well we are going through all the pre treatment tests. It isn't any easier this time round, in fact in some ways it feels harder. With our first round we didn't know what we were missing out on, this time round it won't just be an embryo that gets put back - it could be another Samuel. I too still feel upset when I hear about other peoples pregnancies and I have come to terms with thinking that I will always feel that way. I also feel really bad because I know that we are so so lucky as we have a DS and so many people are never that lucky.

That is the most crap thing about IF - all the emotions that people will never understand unless they have stood in your shoes
Pepper xxx


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