# Lesbians using donor sperm



## Edith

Hello,
Just wondering if there are any other lesbians trying to start a family using donor sperm.

Myself and female partner are due to begin IVF sometime fairly soon at Kings, after having 4 unsuccessful IUI attempts at Kings this autumn. We are using frozen donor sperm from an anonymous donor.

Kings + staff have been great, really impressed with how inclusive and respectful they have been with us. However, they use really low sperm counts, some of our inseminations there were only 1 million moving sperm and we had problems with the catheter falling out and being misplaced when pushing the sperm in. We've only had 4 natural IUI attempts and are being advised to go straight to IVF, which seems very quick to embark on a very weighty, invasive and expensive procedure such as IVF - but the success rates are much higher than IUI.

Just wondering if anyone else had any experiences to share.
Thanks,
Edie


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## LiziBee

Hi Edith!
DH and I have friends in the same position as you, it has given the two of us much courage to see our friends cope so well with DI and produce a wonderful little boy (with another one on the way).  
If you don't mind me asking did you try to match your or DP's characteristics?
If it helps to know our friends child is sooo much like their 'other Mum" because he has picked up her mannerisms even though they didn't match to her. (like I said it gives me hope).
Good luck to you and your DP.
Lizi


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## Jules*Rich

Hi we are still doing IUI at Nottingham - it did work second try with clomid - but ended in M/C. We have also had problems with poor sperm on at least two ocassions - but have also had some excellent stuff too.

Have you discussed the possibility of doing clomid/IUI or injectables/IUI rather than going straight to IVF?


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## Edith

Hi Lizibee and Jules,
Thanks for your messages!
Lizibee - we had a bit of a think about this, but in the end matched the donor to me as the potential birth mother and not my partner - my partner and I look very different (me dark, she fair, me tall, she short etc..) but thought that to make things equal, if I give birth to the child, my partner will do the majority of the childcare in the early years and so have am equally strong relationship+convey ways of being to the child which will enhance ressemblance. What's your situation?

Jules, thanks for your suggestions. We have a meeting with our consultant next week and will put forward these ideas. Good luck at Nottingham. Keep in touch,
Edith


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## LiziBee

Edith - I think the signature says it all! I feel like I'm still an amateur as I haven't even made it to a 2ww yet, may be next time 
Lizi


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## nismat

Hi Edie, my girlriend and I will be starting donor IUI in April (at the London Women's Clinic). I don't have any experience to share as yet, but there's a board where there are a group of us all ttc through various forms of donor insemination that you might like to join 
http://groups.msn.com/LesbianInseminationSupport/welcome.msnw

I agree with Jules, definitely ask about trying Clomid/triggers/ultrasound scanning with IUI before you get pushed into moving onto IVF (unless age/early menopause is an issue). 4 IUI attempts must feel like a real lack of success when you are going through it, but statistically it's completely normal to have 5-6 attempts at natural IUI before pregnancy is achieved.

We're not really planning on matching the donor characteristics with either of us (I'm fair, she's dark), as I view it as a lottery as to which genetic characteristcs will come through in the child. We're leaning more towards Karen's colouring, but only because that's what more donors have anyway! The key things for us are a) proven fertility, b) educational level achieved (as an indicator of intelligence and c) a leaning towards creative interests.

We've got some good friends where the non-biological mother is the primary carer, and their son seems to have picked up at least as many mannerisms from her as he has genetically from her partner (or indeed from the donor). Nature does play a part, but so does nurture...


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## Victoria_In_London

Hi Everyone

Great idea to set up this thread.  My DP and I have been posting on the IUI Girls thread but it would be great to hear from other lesbians going through the same thing.

We have been using the Homerton Hospital fertility clinic which has been very good indeed.

Anyway, I won't ramble on now becuase I'm supposed to be working(!!!) but I'll catch up with you all soon.

Victoria
xxx


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## Edith

Hi everyone,
Happy International Women's Day to you all!

Nismat thanks for the link to the MSN group, very interesting. I knew there were more lesbian mums to be out there! I agree, 4 IUIs isn't a lot, hetero couples get a year of trying with fresh sperm before being considered for IVF. We are finding it very frustrating only being offered the 4 attempts, and then having a 3 month wait just to get an appointment to talk to our consultant about what to do next. Anyway, we are seeing her on Friday so it's come round at last.

Victoria, good to have your message. What sperm counts are you getting at the Homerton. One of ours was 6 million but the rest were 1 million, which is SO low.

Just wondering if any of you have had problems getting donor sperm recently? I am just worrying that there may be a great shortage now with the new legislation in April that gives access to the personal details of the donor.

Many thanks, and all the best to everyone,
Edith


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## Jules*Rich

Yep there are sperm problems! It is quite worrying at times - and other times there are just other things to worry about when TTC! Out of the 6 donated vials of sperm we have had -we have been unhappy with two - one being 4 million, 50% motility and P3 - the other being 10 million, 52% motility P2 (7% rapid forward progression). It all seems to be a bit hit and miss and there seems to be few clinic guidlines and to what is acceptable post thaw. Sometimes I feel like it is a bit luck of the draw and that you get what your given - not great service esp when you are paying for your treamtment! I think there will be a greater shortage after legislation hits and once all the older supplies have run out - my clinic is using sperm from a defunct clinic which is five years old. I think ultimately what will happen is that sperm will have to be imported and this will increase the cost of treatment - I understand that one local private clinic are going to increase the cost of sperm because they are now going to import it (but on the good side it will probably be better quality  .  

Hi Nismat - nice to see you round these parts!

Hi Victoria - be nice to get a thread going. 

Lizbee - loe the new photo - it's nce to actually see pics of people on here  .


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## herbaltea

Hi, thought I'd join this thread too after posting elsewhere! I am inbetween treatment at the moment after failing to ovulate at all on Clomid. I am awaiting a tube test and then it on to injections to get me ovulating and iui. In the mean time, its on with the weight loss and fitness regime!!! Good luck to all of you!


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## Victoria_In_London

Hi everyone

Sorry I haven't posted for a little while.

Sperm counts - we had 4 million or 4.5 million each of our first three attempts but on the fourth go we asked the embrylogist which of the donors on our list had the best sperm.  They pointed us in the direction of one bloke and that time we had 8 million (and got a BFP).

If you can get hold of the embryologist then have a chat with them because ours were really happy to help.

I think the 1 million or 4 million or 8 million number they give you is the number left after all the dodgy ones have been taken away so it will always be a lot lower than sperm counts for fresh sperm.  Also some don't survive the freezing.  Howvere we were told that 4 million was good for donor sperm.

Also (TMI coming up...) I got really brave and DP and I had sex   after the last (successful) basting.  I can't say it was the most romantic time we've ever had cos I was really freaked out by the sperm sloshing around but I ploughed on and now would like to claim that the success was entirely down to my technique!!!    

How are you all doing with your treatment or impending treatment at the moment?  What do you think of your clinics?

Homerton Hospital (Hackney, London) has been fantastic.  They are really cool about same-sex couples and have always made themselves available whenever we have needed their help or advice.

Hope you're all okay.

Love Victoria
xxx


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## herbaltea

Hi Victoria in London!
Congratulations on the bfp! wow! My clinic has been absolutely fantastic - all the staff make us feel really welcome and at ease - we could not ask for more! As for treatment, my pcos is being particularly stubborn and not responding to any tablets! So - we are going down the injectable route, which to be honest fills me with horror - all those needles etc! Still, needs must! I am hoping some drastic weight loss will shock my system into doing something too! Looks like spring has sprung - off to do some gardening now!!


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## Jules*Rich

Hi all! Herbal tea don't worry about the injections - I am sure they will work and the pain will be forgotten when you see some nice juicy eggs on the sonogram! My partner is borderline PCOS - and has been doing injectables for donating her eggs (not to me) and has been told she has 20 eggs! I am sure inj will get your ovaries going as well.

I am waiting to start my first inj cycle in May - and I can't say that I am looking forward to the injections (in fact I scream sometimes when I watch her inject herself - she does not let me watch anymore!), but I am looking forward to hopefully producing more than one lonely egg! At least my partner will have had lots of practice of inj herslf by then, so she should be an expert when she gets round to injecting me.  

When do you start your inj cycle?

Jules


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## herbaltea

Hi,
Not sure when I will start, but hopefully soon!! It would be nice to actually get my stubborn ovaries to do something! I am waiting for an appointment at the moment for a hysterosalpingogram (nice word!) to check my tubes are functioning. So, with a bit of luck, we could be cycling by the summer! Whey hey! I just can't wait to get going after the dissapointment of metformin and then clomid not working. 
Are you and your partner ttc at the same time?


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## Edith

Hi all,
Congratulations to Victoria for your BFP !!! Wonderful news. It lifts my spirits to know that it can work for some people. 

Hello Herbaltea and Jules - good luck with the needles and your treatment! What clinic are you with Herbaltea? We are booked to start IVF in June and I'm dreading the injections although my GF is a nurse and really looking forward to showing me her technique!

Kings wouldn't let us continue with IUI because of sperm shortages and 4 BFNs, so we are straight to IVF. Feels a bit drastic, as I feel we just need more time with more sperm but we'll see. We didn't have any choice really.

Sometimes doubts run through my mind about whether we are making the right decision trying to have a baby. It seemed different when we were doing IUI for some reason, but IVF is seems such an all consuming, uphill struggle just to get pregnant. I worry that the child will only end up hating us and spend years in therapy because of having 2 mums.

Don't know if anyone else feels the same at times? I haven't told my parents yet and am a little nervous about their reaction I think. Probably some internalized homophobia going on for me today ...

GF's birthday tomorrow, going to Brighton for the day . Have great weekends everyone  .
love Edith


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## nismat

Victoria, many congratulations on your BFP 
  



Edith said:


> Sometimes doubts run through my mind about whether we are making the right decision trying to have a baby. It seemed different when we were doing IUI for some reason, but IVF is seems such an all consuming, uphill struggle just to get pregnant. I worry that the child will only end up hating us and spend years in therapy because of having 2 mums.
> 
> Don't know if anyone else feels the same at times? I haven't told my parents yet and am a little nervous about their reaction I think. Probably some internalized homophobia going on for me today ...


Yes, I do sometimes worry about the effect on the child and that it will end up hating us/being bullied/ resenting us because it won't have a known father. 

However, as time has gone on (we've been en route towards ttc for 5 years now), these thoughts have become less and less, and I feel fairly positive most of the time that the most anyone can do as parents is to provide a secure and loving home environment, and do all we can to enable the child to have as "normal" a life as possible. Children will always get bullied for one reason or another, and I think that if we don't give them any reason to view themselves as different/inferior for having 2 mums, they should be more able to cope with any issues that arise. We also plan to be as open as possible with doctors/schools/playgroups etc., right from the start, just by stating our situation in (hopefully) an unobtrusive manner, and letting people get on with it. If they have a problem, tough. I should add that we currently live in a very traditional country village, so we will be seen as pretty unusual  , however, we are planning to move to our nearest town (still very far from a gay mecca) this summer.

Also, I've been reading research stuff, and it really does seem to show that children brought up by 2 mothers are often actually far more balanced individuals than those in traditional families 
And as Dr Robert Winston (he of Child of Our Time/fertility expert fame) said when asked about lesbians having families: "how can you go wrong when a child has 2 nurturers/care-givers?" 

Hope you had a good time in Brighton


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## Edith

Hi all,
Feeling a bit more upbeat and courageous! Thanks Nismat for your thoughts - it must be hard being in a country village - are you able to be out as a couple?

Hows your pregnancy progressing Victoria and your treatment Jules?

If anyone is London based, there is an April get-together for lesbians in Oval, South London that I discovered on the MSN lesbian insemination link that Nismat mentioned in one of her first replies on this thread. Sorry to exclude those of you who are not london based but if you are, it would be lovely to see you.

Happy Easter all
love Edith


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## herbaltea

Hello all!
Just caught up on the posts - interesting to read about 'country villages' and di/same sex parents etc. 

We moved to a 'very' traditional english village 2 summers ago! I was quite apprehensive about how we would be percieved, but most have been fantastic! The only thing that has worried me throughout our di journey, is the reaction of the locals. The thought of having to tell people i'm pregnant etc - and being able to see the questions/shock in their eyes. I am quite a sensitive type and I do worry about what people think, but after giving it some thought - it's our lives, our family, and I don't want to be 80 sitting in my rocking chair wondering what might have been if I had been braver!

We have decided to be totally up front in how our baby was conceived - well to the closest people we know in the village and by the true nature of villages, word will soon get around I'm sure! 

I just hope we get to the point where we can tell people i'm pregnant  !!! Still awaiting hsg appt.

Happy Easter all!


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## bagpuss1

Hi everyone,

was not going to come clean that I am in a gay relationship, but now I have found you lot, I just cant help it!!!!

I have been looking for people to talk to who know what I am going through and I think I may have just found them!!!

Currently about to start my fourth IUI. Day one will probably be end of this week, beginning of next so should be having IUI mid April!!! Having treatment at Midlands Fertility services.

Anyone else a member of Pinkparents

Kerry.


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## herbaltea

Bagpuss (Kerry!) Glad you found us all! i'm not a member of pink parents, but have seen the website etc. Best of luck with your 4th iui - I just can't wait to get to the stage of having iui and getting started!


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## Edith

Hi Kerry (Bagpuss)
Great to hear from you. I've not joined Pink Parents but have seen their website - is it worth joining?. Joined the Donor Conception Network.  Good luck with your 4th IUI - how many are you having? What are your sperm counts like? Can't stop thinking we should do more IUI and perhaps with fresh sperm - we've had offers of fresh from friends but we'd rather have anonymous donor...

Hi herbaltea - do you know when you start?

Victoria - how's your BFP going?

Nismat - you must be starting at the LWC soon?

Jules - hows the wait, to start in May? 

Lizibee - good luck with your treatment - where are you at?

We are all trailblazers  

love Edith


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## nismat

Hi to all, and especially to Kerry/Bagpuss as our newest thread member  

Going back to the village life thing, yes, we are out as a couple, and have never met with any problems, which I was definitely worried about before we moved out here. On the whole, people in the village got to know us first as individuals, and later found out/realised that we were a couple.We're not the sort to go walking down the street holding hands anyway, and by our looks, we both "pass" as straight. I don't think that anyone has asked specifically (although lots of people have asked if I was married or about my husband, in which case, depending on the person/scenario, I have either just said I'm not married, or that I live with my partner, Karen). I'm sure for lots of people the concept of lesbians living in the village has (still!) never crossed their minds - (quite a lot of people probably just think that we are good friends  )
It's proved to be a lot more accepting than I expected, but I am pretty sure that people will have much stronger reactions once I am pregnant. A few of my friends in the village know that we are trying to have a baby, but not many. I completely concur with herbaltea about planning to be upfront about it - I think that it will be far simpler in the long run. I know that a lot of lesbians don't think that it's anyone's business how they conceived (as in no-one asks straight couples how they went about it), but I plan to tell people how I got pregnant (just saying something about using a donor at a clinic), as of course everyone will wonder... I know that as an outsider I would be curious  
Better to be clear at the beginning than to have people gossiping behind your back IMO. However, the "village" part of it may not be an issue by the time I am pregnant enough to show (even assuming it happens first time in April) as it looks like we will be moving home (into Colchester) at the end of May! We've found a buyer for our house and also a new home for ourselves (and yes, we've already decided which room will be the baby's room  ), so I'm in the midst of lots of form-filling out/copying paperwork etc. All very exciting - and it should keep my mind off obsessing over the pg thing too much. I don't expect the issues will be much different wherever we live, and of course we won't know anyone   so will have to start completely from scratch. Part of the reason for moving is to have better access to more child-friendly activities - and hopefully a broader spectrum of attitudes.

Kerry - yes, my girlfriend and I are members of PinkParents (both the yahoo group and paid-up subscription). I'm not sure that being a member has offered many benefits/ more info than you get from the website (although I have enjoyed reading the magazines - which are now stopping with the change in ownership). However, I think it's a very worthwhile service, so it's more for the "charity" type thing that we are members. 

Edith: yes, we will be starting IUI at the LWC later this month (feels great to say that now that it is April  ) - should be around the 20th-21st, depending on how long this current cycle lasts (has been varying between 29 and 31 days the last few months). I'm on day 24 at the moment, and I will need to go in for an ultrasound plus FSH test on day 2/3 of the new cycle. It feels like we've been waiting forever to get started, but now I'm almost getting nervous!

PS If any of you do go to the meet-up at the Oval later in the month I will see you there  

Love Tamsin


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## Victoria_In_London

Hi Everyone

Edith - The London lesbians' meeting sounds good.  Do you have the details?  Have you started the IVF route now - how's it going?

Jules - I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage.  How are you doing now?  You said you DP was donating egs but not to you.  Is she doing it so you can get some other donor eggs?  Whatever reason she's doing it, I think she's a star because it can't be easy.  Would your injections be easier if she did them for you?  I know that if my DP ever needs injections there's no way she will do it and I will have to be the one waving the needle around   !!!

Nismat and Herbaltea - I was so excited to hear you both live in tiny villages because I do too.  DP and I moved a year ago from London to a little village outside Cambridge and we both love it.  I think most of the locals assume we are flatmates but we've not encouraged tham to think that!!!!  I think that most of them won't care that we're a couple and they've been fine with DP being black so I'm hopeful (or naive)...  

Herbaltea - I have PCOS too.  I don't know whether it will cause me any problems conceiving because it's DP who will be having our first baby but recently I lost a stone and a half and my periods have returned to normal for the first time in years so good luck with the diet.  Mine was a no-chocolate diet (which nearly killed me!) - what are you doing?

Bagpuss1 - Hi.  How's your treatment going?

An update on me and Moosey (DP) - unfortunately, Moosey is having a miscarriage.  The pregnancy never really got off the ground and there were always little problems so it wasn't a huge surprise when the bleeding started.  It's not much fun though and we've obviously been upset.  At the weekend we planted a tree in the garden to mark the pregnancy and I'm glad it's there.

The internalised homophobia thing is interesting and something I've been dealing with too.  I think the baby thing makes you re-examine so much and reveals your inner-most worries.  I'm also really aware of being the non-biological mother and worrying about having to fight for any status in the child's life in the eyes of the world.  I'm sure it will all turn out fine but it's a bit scary!!!

Anyway - good luck to everyone.

Victoria
xxx


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## bagpuss1

hi to everyone,

Victoria, so sorry to hear about the miscarriage, the only thing I can say is be there for one another and your obviously strong relationship will go a long way to get you through this!!!

My ten day scan will be next Thursday and should have my treatment around the monday after, that is if everything goes to plan. Im feeling much more positive in myself mainly because we have had this last month off. A bit apprehensive because I know what to expect but am starting reflexology tonight and chi kung on Wednesday so hopefully that should combat some of the stress (she says hopefully). Am not expecting miracles to happen and my nurse at the clinic has suggested drugs if this treatment does not work. 

Good luck to everyone,

Love Kerry


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## nismat

Victoria, so sorry to hear about the miscarriage - a very sad event. I think it's lovely that you have planted a tree in memory.

Re: the London lesbian mothers-to-be meet up, if you go to http://groups.msn.com/LesbianInseminationSupport/welcome.msnw where you will find the contact details (on the general message board, which is a good space to chat anyway). This will be only the second meeting, and we have decided to take it in turns holding it in peoples homes (providing the numbers don't get out of hand). It was really great to meet people in real life, and the idea is of course swapping info and building up contacts so that our future children will know similar families - very important, especially for us village-livers 

On the non-bio mother thing, one of the women at the last meeting lent me a book called The Family of Woman by Maureen Sullivan. It's an American title, and based on an academic study, so some bits are pretty heavy-going (methodology/feminist theories etc). but there's lots of interesting stuff too. Basically it's a study of 34 lesbian-conceived families in the San Francisco Bay area, and deals with issues such as the non-bio mother role. Eve, who lent it to me, is the non-bio mother (her partner is over 20 weeks pg now, after 2nd IUI success at LWC), and she found lots of it very reassuring. 
One of the things I found interesting was that a lot of the couples found that they became "food mother and fun mother" i.e. the birth mother had a close link via breastfeeding, but the non-bio mum got most of the active time with the baby, so they bonded equally, just in different ways.
From your posting, you're clearly more concerned with the attitudes of the outside world though. As I've said before, I plan to be open and up-front about our situation, and just make people accept that we are equal parents. We're not sure how it will work for Karen though, as she's only out to a couple of people at work. She's quite high up in her company, and she says that it would definitely impact on her career if she were to come out properly. Besides, she prefers to keep her private life private. Heaven only knows what might happen when it comes to taking time off for a baby to be born! That's a long way off though, and she might not even be in the same job then, so no point worrying about it yet 

Karen is concerned about getting shut out as an equal parent - by me as well as outsiders . We're already planning strategies for equal bonding, although I don't actually think it will be a problem, but I do agree that I can get a little obsessive . We have also decided to double-barrel our surnames (mine is already double-barrelled, so I will be "giving up" the most interesting part of mine), so that Karen's surname will be the first part of the baby's surname. We both felt very strongly that it was important for there to be a very clear connection between Karen and the baby to the outside world.

Bagpuss: good luck for your treatment - you will be about a week ahead of me (if all goes well with my u/s scan on day 2/3 of my cycle. I'm waiting for my period to arrive at the moment....). I'm having reflexology too, but I've never heard of chi kung - what is it?

Good luck to everyone else


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## herbaltea

Victoria - really sorry to read about the miscarriage - but what a lovely idea to plant a tree.   to you and Moosey. Well done on losing the weight - and interesting to read that your periods came back. I have  lost 2 stone now, 1 more to go until I'm happy though, so hopefully mine will come back too! The no chocolate thing is not too bad at the moment - easter came and went with not even a nibble on an egg!   I am using calorie control and also going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week along with jogging. I am rubbish at running though, but just beginning! At least conceiving should be a little easier with a normal weight?!

Me and my dp have discussed bonding with the child too and she also thinks she could feel shut out as not being the bio mother. More to do with me being a control freak aswell I think! We will both take responsibility for everything as a couple though and probably go the bottle route so she can feed also. With the treatment I will be on though, there is a 1 in 5 chance of a multiple birth, so we could have one each!! 

Still waiting for my hsg before even getting to ttc stage though!  

Good luck for those about to start


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## bagpuss1

Hi everyone,

Tamsin, I have actually no idea what chi kung is!!! apparently its a bit like tai chi but not (am I being any help here)  My reflexologist recommended it to me, she also said that I need to exercise more and said that this is good for that too. I am going tomorrow night so will let you know what kind of an idiot I make of myself!!!

We have also discussed how to name our child and have decided on a double barrelled name. The one thing I am confused about is legal parenting and my partners rights. I know we can go to court and give Helen parental responsibility but does she need to legally adopt it to give her greater responsibility and rights?? 

I too have books, these have come highly recommended,:

Its a family affair by Lisa Saffron

The essential guide to lesbian conception, pregnancy and birth. Kim Toevs and Stephanie Brill

There is also a book for the children of lesbian parents conceived by donor sperm that is available from the donor conception network.

Hope these are of some use,

Love Kerry


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## nismat

Hi all,
Well, we're definitely on to start IUI this cycle  

I went to the LWC this morning for blood tests (primarily FSH) and a base-line scan to check everything was in order. The scan was all clear but my FSH level came back as being towards the higher end of the normal range, so we did talk about doing a medicated cycle to improve the chances of my ovaries working effectively. However, I really want to do at least one cycle unmedicated, as I think I would always regret it if I hadn't, so we've agreed to go for natural cycle with u/s scans starting from day 9 to track the development of follicles and the thickness of the uterine lining. I'll still go in for the actual IUI based on when I get my LH surge, but we'll have a clear idea of whether things are going according to plan or not beforehand.

Bagpuss; re the legal thing, I think that yes, second parent adoption will definitely give a partner greater rights and responsibilities than a parental responsibility order. I'm not sure if I've got this right, but I think that the law on second parent adoption hasn't come into force yet (I think it happens this autumn). As I understand it, I think that you/we will have to go through a home study with social services as with any other type of adoption, so we would plan to get a parental responsibility order in the first instance, and then work our way through the adoption procedure, at which point we will then have equal rights (I think). Even if you/we sign up for the civil partnership register come December, it only grants civil partners "the ability to apply for parental responsibility for your civil partner’s child" - it still won't be anything automatic as far as I can make out.  One thing I am sure of is that you can't apply for any kind of order until the baby is actually born.

Hope you enjoy the chi kung (whatever it is!)


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## herbaltea

HEllo eveyone! Just a quick update from me - now have the date through for the hsg and I've just booked our diui planning appointment for the 17th May! So we should be ttc in June! I'm so excited that it's all about to happen at last! Its quite weird to think I could be bfp by the end of the year! Lets hope! 
Hope you all are well,
Bye for now!


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## Jules*Rich

Hi all - check this out.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,3604,1454744,00.html

Herbaltea - so exciting to have a date for the inj treatment to start!

Tasmin - you are right on the adoption rights so far - it will take a legal case, to allow lesbian parents to adopt their partners child. Yeah, the civil partnership bill does not give us any rights that we don't have already in that respect! Crap!
Sorry to hear about the FSH coming back a bit high. Good luck with the natural cycel. But don't worry to much about doing a medicated cycle - it's not that bad, and they might increase your chances.

Victoria - sorry about the m/c you must be gutted. 

Edith - any chance your mates who have offered you sperm would give it to us?! Looks like treatment for us is off for MAy - we have been advise not to do anymore IUI, and to go for IVF - easy enough if you have the spare cash! So looks like we are in a similar boat - hope you can go ahead with treatment soon.

Kerry - Hope this cycle goes well 

LOve, Jules


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## Edith

Hi everyone,

Sorry to not have posted for a while. We have been in the middle of buying a house - quite a nice diversion really.

Victoria- so sorry to hear about your loss. How very sad. Your tree sounds wonderful and such a lovely way to remember. Thinking of you and hoping the bad times get fewer. 

Jules - It's a bit of a big change isn't it going from IUI to IVF. I 've found it very hard recently. Just had 2 weeks off (teacher)and spent most of it moping around feeling low and tearful about it all. Find the whole thing abit much! Have been feeling very negative about it all and feel the IUI failures are just the beginning of a long list of failures. GF has been lovely ,thank god.Hope this will all pass soon. Think she is going to start posting too in her own right - as she feels a bit left out! 

Nismat- look forward to seeing you next sunday at the group. I went to a lesbian parenting group last week-end ( Donor Conception Network) South London which was great, but lots of  lovely babies and toddlers-not such a great idea when feeling fragile! Really looking forward to meeting some women in similar situation.

Herbal Tea - thinking of you for June. It is very exciting. Best of luck. 

Kerry - hope all is going well with you. Thanks for letting us know about the books. I am starting counselling tomorrow which I'm really looking forward to ( sadistic or what) Was also thinking of starting acupuncture but not entirely convinced by it and obviously money a big issue!! 

Good luck everyone,

Love Edith.


----------



## Mable

Hi girls,

Wishing you all a great weekend and much luck   in your treatment.

Am in the strange position of being the supportive but rather helpless GF to partner going through IUI and now IVF in June. I know it isn't happening to me, but wish it was in a way - I hate to see GF suffering and feel the losses very much.

Am also grappling with being the non-biol co-parent to a possible child and hoping to be very involved etc, but have  natural worries.

Anyone else out there in a similar position?

Would love to hear your views.

To all you girls going through it - keep up the fabulous work.
love Mable


----------



## Jayne

Hi Mable

Just wanted to welcome you to Fertility Friends and wish you and your GF all the very best of luck with your treatment. 

Jayne x


----------



## misty

Hi everyone!!

Cant believe I've found this link!!
Have been feeling very isolated for a while with not being totally out on the other threads.Congrats on starting this one!!!

Me 35,DP 42.1st DIUI natural Aug 04 BFN-.
2nd DIUI Wednesday 6th April London Women's Clinic, now on 2ww and due to test on Wed 20th April....

Nismat, how are you and DP doing? I noticed that you guys are due to start iui also at LWC in April, have you started? would really love to hear from anyone in similar situation or otherwise..

Also a big hi to :Victoria,Lizbee,Herbaltea,Bagpuss,Jules,Mable and anyone else I've missed.

Goodluck to you all and stay positive+++++

Misty


----------



## nismat

Wow, a sudden flurry of postings and new people!

Misty - I was at the LWC on Wednesday 6th to have my FSH test and an ultrasound scan! I expect to be going for first DIUI (natural with scans) on the day that you will be testing - good luck!    

Hello to Mable - I'll look forward to meeting you and Edith at the meet-up next weekend. Not sure if my gf will be coming along or not, as she's not keen on "group" stuff. However, you'll have plenty of other non-bio prospective mums to chat to there (as you will also find on the MSN site). I'm sure that it's quite easy to feel side-lined at times, being the partner of the one who is ttc, so I think that it's great when partners also get involved.

Edith - switching to IVF must be a fairly scary prospect - it must be hard to come to terms with it all. Are you eligible for egg sharing to bring the costs of IVF down?
Karen and I are in the middle of selling and buying a house as well - I'm finding it quite useful to have something else to focus on rather than just obsessing about ttc all the time (and up until now, it's all been theoretical ttc rather than actual, although it hasn't stopped me obsessing at all  )

Jules - sorry to hear that you are also likely to be heading down the IVF route. It must be very hard when you've gone through so many treatments already, but at least your chances of conceiving will be increased. Just all the hormone injections to be got through (and the extra expense of course). Thanks for the encouragement about the medicated IUI though - on the one hand I think it sounds like a good idea, as anything that can boost the chances of getting pregnant more quickly must be good  , but on the other, I do want to see if my body can do anything on its own.

Herbaltea - it's great to have a start date in the diary at last! I was so relieved when we finally knew that we would be starting in April, although I have to say that I found that part of the waiting harder than all that had gone before..... although I dare say that the 2ww will be far harder when it comes   Hope that the HSG comes through all clear.

Bagpuss (Kerry) - is your treatment tomorrow? Good luck    

Hi to everyone else that I haven't mentioned specifically already.

This coming week will see the start of my travelling up to London every other day for ultrasounds, to monitor the thickness of my uterine lining and follicular development, starting Wednesday. I hope that my body is working as it should be - a friend has recommended doing visualisation exercises, which feels a bit weird, but can't do any harm!

Tamsin x


----------



## Jayne

Hi all    This thread's taking off a bit now, which is fab   and I wondered whether you'd like me to start up a list for you?  or is someone already doing that/happy to do that on this thread anyway?  If you want me to do it, then I'm going to start it the lazy way, and ask you all to do a post to me just saying where you or your partner is with treatment, rather than me going back through all the posts - which I have read as they've been posted, but can't remember what stage you're all at! 

Love and babydust to you all. 

Jayne x


----------



## bagpuss1

hi to everyone,

Tamsin,
For me, day ten is on Thursday this week (14th) so should be inseminated on Monday or Tuesday. The clinic are having loads of trouble getting us donor sperm. There are lots of non Caucasian donors at the moment but very few Caucasian  which is very frustrating, still don't know if there is going to be any for us. Fingers crossed, this thing is hard enough without having this problem too. Thought this might happen with the new law and I reckon it is just going to get worse temporarily.

I did visualization in my reflexology appointment, it made me cry!!!! good luck with your travels We seem to have got it down to a fine art and now only have one scan before ovulation. I have found this so much better on me  emotionally as I can get on with the rest of my week without it becoming more of the centre of my world than it already is.

Jayne- I am having treatment, partner is Helen, currently on cd6 should have treatment on 18th/19th April. 4th time lucky!!!!!!!!!!!??

Welcome to Misty and Mable, I have found this place such a help, I have developed an inner calm through venting my feelings and knowing that I have people who are going through exactly the same thing as me. Good luck with your journeys.

Misty keep calm and love each other, I hate 2ww, there is nothing worse, good luck, will be thinking of you.

Edith, since starting reflexology, I have been very calm about life and I have found this has helped tons. I agree with you, money troubles can knock you off balance and ruin the calm that treatments gave you. Its a catch 22 situation. Good luck with the counselling, I could do with a bit of that, am too stubborn to admit it being as I am a mental health nurse!!!

Well Hi to everyone that I have missed out, starting to feel apprehensive about the next two and a half weeks, well here goes nothing (except tons of money)!!!

Good luck to everyone,

Love Kerry.


----------



## Jayne

Cyclers  

 (Bagpuss1) Kerry* & Helen - DIUI 

(Nismat) Tamsin* & Karen - DIUI 

2ww - Good luck!   

Misty* - DIUI - Testing 20 April 

In between treatment

Edith* & Mabel - DIVF in June

Herbaltea* - HSG 11 May then DIUI

Precious Cargo On Board  

Our Miracle is Here 

Please let me have any additions/amendments to the above list 

* = Partner having treatment

Love and babydust to you all.

Jayne x


----------



## herbaltea

Wow - welcome to Mabel and Misty   - great to have so many on here now! 

Thanks Jayne for keeping an update for us all - it really is useful to see where we all are at!  Really looking forward to seeing some names under the precious cargo and miracle is here bits!!

I can't believe my hsg is still 4 weeks away and last night I had a nightmare about the examination!! Don't know really why I am so apprehensive as I have had loads of scans! Hey ho! The good news is, my bmi is nearly normal now!! Lost 2 stone since january - whey hey! I also posted a poll on the voting board - about how many times at diui it takes to get a bfp. Three have replied and two of them got bfp on go 1. Wow! Can't wait for some good news on this board - come on girls!!

Kerry - good luck for your insemination this week. I'm sure they will find some caucasian sperm and all will go well.

Tamsin (nismat)- Hope the travelling to London goes ok and your body performs! Why not do visualisation - every little helps as they say! I even got a pink quartz necklace charm to wear in the hope it will do something!!

Edith - hope the house buying is going ok! It must be quite nice to have a diversion to ttc - I start a new job next week and will be training for 2 weeks away, so at least that will keep me busy!!

Misty - really good luck for testing on the 20th - fingers crossed!

Jules - hows things with you?  

Bye for now - about to adorn some lycra and haul my body off to the gym!!


----------



## Jayne

Herbaltea - I was the third person who replied to your poll    I voted on second go, because that's what Jack was conceived on, but Ben was conceived on first go.  I couldn't vote twice though.  So hopefully that provides some further encouragement that it can happen quickly  

Love 

Jayne x


----------



## nismat

Jayne - great list, it really helps to keep track! My partner's name is Karen, so can you add her to my details next time around please  

Kerry - this Thursday is day 10 for me as well! However, I usually get +OPK on day 15 and ovulate on day 16, so if my scans show what I think has been happening with my body, I will be having IUI a week on Wednesday (on the 20th), so just after you.


----------



## misty

Hi everyone!

Thanks Jayne for doing our updated lists!!

I'm currently on day 6/7 of 2ww after 2nd diui natural and going out of my mind with waiting..analyzing every little twinge. DP is so loving and cant do enough to pamper me.
The problem now is that instead of worrying about getting a BFN I'm full of anxiety about how I going to explain my situation at work when I do get BFP!
As I'm not out at work, I have my suspicions that some already know.Recently I came out to a close work colleague but it seems she already knew.I also explained about our diui in London as she too was having fertility treatment at that time.Since then our friendship is a bit strained.
I wonder if anyone can help me out on this one?
Has anyone else come clean at work regarding being a pregnant lesbian?If so,what did you say and how?
I suppose I could say its nobody's business but my own but I just know I'll be asked questions and need to be prepared..
As I live in Ireland things are not so liberal as in the UK and the rest of Europe.
Dont need this stress on top of an already stressful wait and would appreciate any support.

Luv Misty


----------



## pensiero

Hello all,

I’m doing IUI with the Lister clinic in Chelsea; 1 stimulated cycle and 3 natural. Most of you seem to be London bases as far as treatment is concerned. Anyone with the Lister? I don’t have a very good opinion of them (the 1st cycle they missed ovulation; the 2nd they weren’t open on a Sunday; the 3rd cycle was skipped because donor specimen wasn’t available… and so on…) and I’m seriously considering changing clinics. Does anyone have any recommendations?

Thanks, Stef


----------



## herbaltea

Hi everyone!

Misty - it must be quite scary waiting to see if treatment has worked - fingers crossed that this will be the one for you. Great that dp is being so supportive too. As for work, I'm just about to change jobs, but in the past I have come out. I haven't got any children yet, but I have confided in my closest work colleagues about ttc, even blokes! I was unusure of reactions etc, but ALL of them have been really great and supportive. They all ask how things are going even now! I have also wondered what will happen if I get a bfp - I mean how to tell people and how they will react etc. I'm not so bothered about work really, but more about reactions from the village!! Hey ho - I'm sure things will pan out ok! We have decided that we will tell people how our little ones came to be, then there will be no secret questions etc etc. Most people seem quite open minded these days and I'm sure it will be easier than what we fear it will be, if that makes sense?! I am quite sensitive about what people think, but my dh will fight our corner if anyone is even slightly funny with us!!  I'm just glad this website exists to discuss things like this!!! As for your friend you came out to - why are things strained? Is she disapproving? All I can say is don't let one bad experience get you down! The first person I told, my best friend who I grew up with disowned me!!! However - everyone since has been SO lovely, kind and supportive! Hang on in there and really hoping your dream comes true  

Pensiero - Hi! Sorry you seem to be having such a bad time at the lister. Can't help you really about clinics as I am in the south west, but I'm sure someone can!

Is anyone else getting slightly anxious regarding posts about lack of sperm at clinics! I have waited about a year to even start to get cycling/ovulating - what happens if my clinic don't have any when I start? Gosh this ttc stuff is oh so stressful!!!


----------



## bagpuss1

Hi everyone,

Have just posted a really long reply to you all and lost it, Oh well, here goes again.

Herbaltea- Our clinic have managed to get us sperm with almost the same characteristics as we requested. I am CMV negative which is apparently quite rare, this is not making it any easier to find a suitable donor. Have been told by my clinic that the less fussy that we are, the better chances of them finding us a donor, we have now only been able to request hair and eye colour. I think that there is still sperm out there it just depends on CMV status and the characteristics that you are looking for.

Misty- try and keep busy, you are nearly there, I know it feels a long way off, but look back at the last week and see if you think it has gone quickly then think about the next week as only being as short as that. Don't know if this helps, it sounded so much better in the post I lost!!!! I agree with Herbaltea, people are so much more openminded about things nowadays, I am out at work and they are all great sources of support with our hunt for the illusive baby!!! I feel that it has been good for my colleagues to be on this journey with us. What we are all doing is pretty unique and the more people feel able to ask questions about these issues, then I see it as the less prejudice and "them and us" situations may exist in the future. I know this sounds naive but it is the only experience that I have with work colleagues.

Tamsin- What would you say to being 2ww support for each other??  I don't want to intrude on your experience so say no if you want. How are you feeling about starting treatment??

Pensiero- sorry that you are having a hard time with Lister. There is a list of "Lesbian-Friendly" clinics on the pink parents web site, don't know if you have already looked. I also know that our local Priory Hospital considers gay couples who wish to start a family, don't know if there is one near to where you live.

Good luck to everyone

Love Kerry


----------



## Mable

Hi all,
Misty, the 2ww is a complete nightmare, can only advise keeping VERY busy, not seeing friends with children or doing anything child-related in any way, not discussing it with people (we ended up not discussing it with each other either) and NOT analyzing every twinge and symptom. Edith had all the pregnancy symptoms in the book and had 4 BFNs which were devastating because we were convinced that she had all the 'signs'. From what I've read, there are no real signs this early. Remembering that there is a 90% chance that the treatment will not work was a good way for me to keep my feet on the ground and not get my hopes up. Don't test early either, it's just more stressful.

Re clinics, Kings are very good and positive about Lesbian couples but their waiting lists are pretty long. They are also cheaper that real private clinics. 

Re being open/explaining a pregnancy, I go for the 'all out' approach and tell people I meet right at the start, same at work. In this way, I don't have to worry about people changing once they find out, or hear homophobic stuff around the office because people don't know about me. However, I also think it is not always possible to be open (in some work environments), it is your business to tell and if people haven't heard you talking about a husband/boyfriend they may not ask about the father. If they do, you could say "I am not in contact with or I don't know the father" and keep it really private. This could be stressful though. Don't know what others think - I think secrecy is stressful and we manage this in our lesbian relationships all the time without realising it, to protect ourselves from disapproval and to fit in socially. Meeting other lesbian mums could be supportive - is there a network of other lesbian mums in your part of Ireland?

At the end of the day, if you get pregnant you will be delighted, and your friends and colleagues will be too. After our disappointments, I am just desperate for a BFP and couldn't care less what other people think. Good luck testing.

I am finding TTC stressful and am seriously thinking of begging Edith to stop at one IVF, abandon all attempts myself and go straight for adoption. It seems like with adoption at least we would get a child at the end of it. Had a dream last night that Edith had just finished IVF and got a BNP and was feeling so ecstatically happy in my dream, it all felt so cruel when I woke up. In a dream, you can't protect yourself from those feelings...

Have a good day, all.
Mable


----------



## starrysky

Hi Kerry, Helen, Tamsin, Karen, Misty, Edith, Mable and Herbaltea and anyone else I haven't spotted.

In the middle of an IVF cycle (at Kings too Edie!). Started Gonal F injections last night and had a really unsettled night with four hours sleep so have phoned in sick today.

Feeling this was a good thing as it has enabled me to spot this thread! Have been on FF every day for weeks and managed to miss you!!! 

My DP Jo will be pleased to hear of you too as recently she has been calling herself a fertility friends widow, there has been nowhere for her to post.

Edie - we had five IUIs without scanning, and two with scans before deciding to try an IVF cycle. We just knew that the time was right to try something different as the last IUI cycle was a disaster with nothing growing. I guess by guided by your instincts is the answer, at the start of this process we would never have thought that we would have tried IVF. I am glad you have shared our experience at Kings, we have always felt very welcome there. 

   to everyone wherever you are with ttc.

Love

Heather


----------



## Mable

Hi Heather!
A big welcome to the thread! Good also to hear from other lesbians at Kings - I knew there would be more of us. There is also a Kings thread under ISCI general chitchat, then Kings College London, where some other Kings girls post, but stay on this thread!

Not sure if you go to the MSN south london group, meeting this Sunday, will see you there if so. If not, Nismat told us about it (thanks Nismat/Tamsin - c u Sunday!) the link to the site is on one of her messages, earlier on this site.

You were lucky to get 7 IUIs out of Kings - Ruth would only let us have 4, we wanted more but she said sperm is now at a premium. Did you have a big wait to start IVF? - we have a 6 month wait, I suppose it's not that long, feels like forever. How are you finding IVF so far?

Must do some work!
Mable


----------



## starrysky

Hi Mable

Thanks for your nice welcome. I can't believe I haven't found this thread sooner! Can't make it to the group this sunday (resting my follicle -stimulating self in preparation for next weeks scans)but will look out for the next one. 

I suppose the situation with sperm must be changing quite a bit with the changes in the law??  

We were about three months of waiting, that felt like ages, like being in total limbo.

But it will start!! Good luck with it. Apart from my bad night last night I have been fine with the injections. Managed to sort out things with work so that I feel quite relaxed with that side of things. I had been unsure about it but feel quite positive about it now. 

We are in spring now so June is not too far away!!!!!

Best wishes

Heather


----------



## nismat

This thread really is growing! A big hello to Stef and Heather plus their respective partners 

*Stef * - your experience with the Lister does sound pretty disappointing. Are you with them through an NHS referral or is it private treatment. We've been happy so far with LWC (although it took a while to get our initial appointments with the doctor/counsellor, mainly because we needed them on the same day as we were travelling in from out of town). However, it's not exactly cheap: £500 for natural IUI (no scans) or £750 for IUI with scans, plus the HFEA fee of £51 and the cost of any drugs, tests etc. They are friendly and helpful though, and you don't feel too much like you are on a conveyor belt! Another good point in their favour is that they recruit their own donors (and then pass sperm on to other clinics), so they are unlikely to suffer from the sperm shortage that clearly is becoming more prevalent.

*Heather*, good luck with the IVF 

*Misty* just wanted to wish you luck during your 2ww. That will be me stressing in just over a week's time! Re; the "coming out" thing, I think that if your colleagues aren't aware that you are in a same sex relationship, then you are definitely in a potentially awkward situation! Not sure what to advise really. What do your colleagues generally think is your situation relationship-wise (i.e what have you actually told them/implied)? You say that you think quite a few people suspect. Rather than standing up in the middle of the office and announcing you are a lesbian, maybe the best strategy is to start dropping things into everyday conversation e.g. "We did xxx at the weekend" so that they know that you are in a relationship, followed up by "xxx (DP's name) and I were just talking about that last night/went to see that film" etc. so that you leave people to draw their own conclusions rather than being too blatant or "confrontational" about it. This is pretty much what I do (I work freelance, so am constantly having to work with new people who don't know my circumstances). The most direct I usually get is when people ask if I'm married, to which I tend to reply "No, I live with my partner Karen" and leave it at that. I used to blush hideously when I first started doing this, as it was quite hard for me to be up-front about it when I'm usually quite private, but I've got used to it now  
I find this far better than letting people assume I am married/have a boyfriend, as it just ends up getting far more embarrassing and awkward. 
I think that you need to start on this front, and then when it comes to be time to announce your pregnancy, at least you won't have to explain your relationship at the same time. As far as the pregnancy is concerned, I plan to say something very to the point like "I'm pregnant and my baby was conceived using donor sperm at a clinic" (not to people who I am never going to see again of course, but to those who I work with on a regular basis). If they then want to ask me more questions, I'll be happy to answer them, but given that most people already know that I'm in a same-sex relationship, they will be wondering how on earth I got pregnant! Good luck with it all.

*Kerry * - I've sent you a message about being a 2ww buddy 

Best wishes and  to everyone else,
Tamsin


----------



## starrysky

I'm very pleased to find that there is a place for me too!

About to go and help Heather with injection 

It's nice to have somewhere to share experiences as a lesbian DP, especially with the IVF looming.

Lots of  to you guys.

Jo (partner of Heather)


----------



## Mable

Hi Jo,
Welcome to the thread!   I am in the supportive girlfriend position too, it's nice to hear from you!

Are you doing Heather's injections? I'm not sure I'm going to be allowed to do them when our time comes in July, even though I'm a qualified nurse. However, I'm sure I can come up with lots of physical and mental health checks that will keep me fully involved, charting our slow progress!

All the very best of luck to you both, and to everyone else! I'd love to hear from other DPs, get writing girls!

Looking forward to some   on this thread soon ... (no pressure of course)

love Mable


----------



## starrysky

Hi Mable

Jo was desperate to do the injections, she loves it! Little wonder when her favorite TV progs are Casualty, Holby City and ER!!!!!!  

I was really reluctant to do them at first but we decided I should learn to do them too as there are times when Jo goes out. I think Jo was disappointed when I found I could do them without much trouble, such that I've had to give her the chance to do some!!!!  

 and     to you and everyone else. 

Heather


----------



## herbaltea

Hi - are the injections really bad? I have a slight needle phobia   and have to start injections in May! Eeek! Do they hurt? I don't know how many I will have to have or what drug it will be yet - will know on the 17th May! My dp says there is no way she will do them as I think she would be physically sick  !!!


----------



## Mable

A little nursing tip re injections. If you get the person to cough or inhale sharply (try saying "now take a sharp breath in" or "nice cough for me" in a nursey way) just as you plunge the needle in, they say they don't feel a thing. Think it's because they are busy doing something else. 

Herbal tea, think your DP needs to learn how to do your injections if you've got a needle phobia. Injections are fab, it's a great skill to learn. 

Jo, I can fully understand your passion for all things needle. I also love swabbing things with alcohol wipes and doing extensive bandaging for Edith's small cuts and grazes! 
Mable


----------



## Jayne

Cyclers  

 (Bagpuss1) Kerry* & Helen - DIUI 

(Nismat) Tamsin* & Karen - DIUI 

(StarrySky) Heather* & Jo - DIVF 

2ww - Good luck!   

Misty* - DIUI - Testing 20 April 

In between treatment

Edith* & Mabel - DIVF in June

Herbaltea* - HSG 11 May then DIUI

Precious Cargo On Board  

Our Miracle is Here 

Please let me have any additions/amendments to the above list 

* = Partner having treatment

Love and babydust to you all.

Jayne x


----------



## starrysky

Hi Herbaltea

I also didn't think I would ever be able to do my own injections (hated the idea of Jo doing them too) but it really is okay. What put me off was the idea of jabbing them in so I just rested the needle on my skin, it only needs the smallest of pressure and in it glides. I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was (well pleasant may not be the right word!!) but I am very proud of myself for managing them.

I haven't had any bruises, I always put some arnica cream on the area afterwards. Don't know if that has prevented bruises or not? 

Good luck to you when those jabs start!!


Heather


----------



## misty

Hi ladies!

Sorry I haven't had a chance to post but just wanted to say abig THANKS to all of you for your lengthy replies of support over the last few days.
Back to work today after annual leave.Still no sign of AF but feel its on the way..Not very positive but DP is still  for us both.

Hope you are all doing ok,look forward to catching up when I have more time.Working all weekend(another nurse!!).

Lots of luv and baby dust

Misty


----------



## bagpuss1

Hi everyone,

What is it about us girlies, we all seem to be nurses, Helen and I are both nurses, she's an oncology nurse and i am a mental health nurse!!

Misty, try and stay positive, it aint over till the witch shows!!! apparently sometimes pregnancy has the same symptoms as AF. Have a good weekend at work, keeping busy will go a long way to take your mind off things.

Went for my ten day scan yesterday, follicle was 14mm and womb lining was only 4.4mm, apparently this is not a great thickness compared to my follie size. Have to go back on Sunday morning to see if it has grown, if it hasnt then treatment will have to be cancelled. If it has, I am going to be starting progesterone pessaries after treatment to see if that will prevent AF from rearing its ugly head as early as it has been. Have started OPK today so whenever LH surge happens will be the day before treatment!!!

Will keep you all posted.

Love Kerry


----------



## bagpuss1

Hi Tamsin,

Sent you a message this morning, I cant find it in my outbox so I am wondering if I lost it instead of sending it,

Kerry


----------



## starrysky

Hi again everyone,

It's true - I have such a sad life I actually enjoy doing the injections, when I can get my hands on them that is!  On a serious note though - In the physical side of things, that is about all I can possibly do so it's nice to be involved.  Anyone who is worried, please don't be - It really is not too bad.  I am def. not a nurse (Would have loved to do ambulance/paramedic stuff) but foolishly decided Social Work was a better option.  (  Who am I trying to kid?)  Still - no shift work & it is Friday so hurrah for that!

Anyhow - Heather is going for the 1st scan after starting ovary stimulating drugs on Mon, theres a chance of OHSS for her so the clinic want to see her 6 days in.  A bit scary but at least she will be seen.  I have the day off anyway - I'm off for an interview later in the day!!! 
Reckon I'll be very tired after all that but keep your fingers crossed for us both that day.  Heather's scan is most important but if I don't find another job soon, I think I might just go crazy!

Wishing all of you loads of luck too over the coming weeks & months.

Does anyone else out there have a cat?  The reason I ask is that our furball of delight (Otherwise known as Molly) seems to have gone bananas since Heather started the Stimulating hormones. Strange but true, she has been behaving most oddly!  She is always a bit clingy, but now she will not leave you alone & is constantly under our feet.  She has taken to licking the chair (not a pleasant noise at 5am), she seems to have developed some form of morning sickness & she is generally not quite herself.  Anyone else had anything like this?  

Anyhow, must stop gassing & do a little interview prep before I put my feet up with a glass of Vino.
Have a good weekend.
Hugs, Jo


----------



## herbaltea

Hello everyone!

I have 3 cats, so it will be interesting to see what they all do when the injections start  !!

I'm away with work for 2 weeks now, but will catch up on the posts next weekend - I feel quite a freak as I am not a nurse!!!! 

Really good luck  for wednesdays testing Misty     .

I hope your lining is ok for treatment when you go on sunday bagpus (kerry) and good luck to everyone else on a cycle.

Bye for now   love herbaltea

I think I will do a sweepstake for people to guess my real name!!! Answers on a postcard please!!


----------



## crazycat

OK - So now I have my own name to post in.  

I am testing to see if my picture works?    

Crazycat - Otherwise known as Jo - Heather/Starrysky's partner.

Let's see.............


----------



## crazycat

Hmmmmm - That didn't work!    

I have got a fab picture of our cat, I want it & thought I had put it on.

Trying again?.............


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## crazycat

Hurray!!!!!!!!!!!!!      

I am pleased with myself now - Off to think about my interview now, what I should be doing in the first place really.

  to everyine.

Jo


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## bagpuss1

Hi everyone,

Jo- good luck with the interview, hope it goes okay for you.

Herbal Tea- Thank you for the good vibes you are sending us.
Our cats are freaks anyway so probably wouldnt notice much of a difference!!!

Crazycat- Love the picture of your cat. I have a similar one with my knickers on her head!!!

Misty- Hows it going?

Love Kerry


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## bagpuss1

Hi everyone,

Well tomorrow is the big day, everything went well with todays scan. IUI number 4 on its way- which means 2ww number 4!!!

Just realised that I will be testing on my 31st birthday or poss the day after if I can wait that long. What a lovely birthday present it could be!!! or not.

Am feeling apprehensive and also excited at the same time. Have to go on my own cos Helen has to work. I don't really mind that cos I spend all of my time worrying that she is okay, now I can concentrate on myself and be quiet and relax during the run up to the procedure.

Wish me luck,

Kerry.


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## Mable

Good luck to you girls who are inseminating this week,   

Kerry, hope it went well today. How many sperm did you get? 

Tamsin, good luck for this week, fingers crossed for lots of strong swimmers in that sperm!

Jo, how was the interview? 

Herbaltea - am trying to guess your name but need a clue!

Fertile vibes to you all - 
Mable


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## bagpuss1

Hi Mable,

Thanks for your message, it went well today thanks, now for the dreaded 2ww!!! A bit dissapointed about spermies, there were 1.6million today with 80% motility. Not much compared to my others- 2.4, 3.7, 8.4million!!! 

Oh well, it only takes one!!!

Jayne- could you add me to the 2ww bit please,

Will let you all know how I get on,

Kerry


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## starrysky

Hi everyone!!

Kerry - masses of     for your 2WW.

I had my day 6 scan today. Could see lots of black blobs so was immediately pleased that the stimming injections have worked, however I do have thirty two follicles, of which only three are the right size. I need to somehow send   vibes to the larger ones and a few of the other ones without making them all grow, or even worse, more!!!!!!

I am a zombie at work  !!! Cannot think of anything else.

Five minutes left to see if I have "won" Bridget Jones Edge of Reason on ebay!!!! I have decided it is going to be one of my egg collection week films!!!!!!!!!  (so nobody better outbid me at the last minute! along with the first one, Amelie and Muriels Wedding. Oh and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azcaban. 

Misty good luck!! I am sending     to you for your testing

Mable - Jo is a SW in Kent at the moment, not sure that interview went well. We were both so caught up in the IVF it was difficult to give enough time/energy to the interview. Both a bit distracted. It must be very handy for you being at the Maudsley. 

YEAH!!! Have won my film!!!!!

Take care everyone and be positive no matter what stage you're at.

Heather


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## nismat

Well, I got my +ve OPK last night, so I'm hoping that the clinic will agree that I should have my IUI today (normally it's go in the day after, but that's based on doing one test a day in the morning, so I'm a bit worried that they will take as having been this morning). 
Last month I got my +OPK in the evening as well, and got ovulation pains the next evening, so I'm pretty sure I will ovulate tonight. Even if they aren't 100% about doing it today I will insist on going in for a scan at the very least and then take it from there.
Just waiting now until I can ring up and get myself booked in! I'll be taking all of your good wishes along to the clinic with me 

This is so much more stressful than I anticipated - and I haven't even started the 2ww yet 

*Kerry* you know I'm rooting for you, my 2ww buddy 

*Misty * thinking of you on your 2ww 

*Heather * great news on the follie results, it sounds like it bodes well, especially as you are only on day 7 now. When is Egg Retrieval scheduled for? Do you have to go back for more scans between now and then?

*Herbaltea * I agree with Mable, we definitely need some sort of a clue - maybe a first letter??!

OK, I think I'd better go and do some deep breathing to try and calm myself down.......
Tamsinx


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## bagpuss1

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for your good luck wishes.

Misty- hows it going??

Heather- I am sending you loads of keep growing vibes for your little follies. Cant believe how many you have got. Are you egg sharing?? Dont know much about IVF im afraid- am in denial at the moment that it will go that far for us.

Herbaltea- Is your name Jasmine Just thinking of your user name and the possibilities around that. Other than that I agree, we need a clue!!!

Tamsin- Valium is good for relaxation!!!!! Take it easy buddy- Tee-hee.

See you all later,

Love kerry.


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## nismat

I'm now officially on the 2ww, having had my IUI carried out this afternoon (the clinic were fine about booking me in the same day).
My official test date that the clinic have given me is 3rd May which would be day 29 of my cycle (14DPO). I'm going to try really really hard to resist testing any earlier, and definitely won't do it earlier than 12DPO. I think I'll have to give Karen the pregnancy tests to hide away somewhere though  

I was really nervous before the insemination (not of the IUI itself, I think it was more the weight of all the expectations it holds), but the nurse was lovely and kept mentioning Karen by name even though she couldn't be there, and wished us both lots of luck as she pushed the plunger in which was sweet. My sister had suggested I lay back and though of England   but I just tried to picture the two of us holding our baby. Who knows, it might just come true!


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## crazycat

Hey everyone - I hope changing my colour will work today? I have put orange because Heather tells me that is the best colour for fertility - To the point that we were scrambling in M&S for orange knickers. (I kid you not! - But who knows?) 

Good luck Tamsin, Kerry & Bagpus - & anyone else on 2WW. 
Bagpus - When we have had less sperm than we hoped, I would always convince myself that less of them meant they wouldn't confuse each other & swim the wrong way or anything, too many & they might spend all their energy fighting with each other!

Herbaltea - I am convinced your name is Lucy but I have no idea really. Give us a clue when you get back. 

Misty - Finger's x for your testing.

I have some news with the job - Despite being very nervous & slightly rubbish  (I thought) I have been offered the job!! Am very pleased, what is a little extra stress of changing work compared to the IVF anyway?  Looks like I will be starting at the end of May - Now I just have to figure out how on earth to wind things down in my current job!! For the 1st time ever, I will be joining some of you Nurses out there in working for the good old NHS, am slightly nervy about the idea of not working for Council anymore but Im sure I will soon get over that. Im also convincing myself that this means positive vibes all round, hope so.

Heather will no doubt be posting herself later, we are going for her to be scanned again tomorrow & Thurs, possibly Fri as well, clinic are I think quite worried about possible OHSS. During the last scan the Nurse said something about the possibility of the current follicles trebling (that would mean over 100! ), all very scary. Looks like next week for Egg Collection as far as we can tell.

I think that's all from me for now. Thanks for all your good wishes for the job. 
Jo


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## nismat

Great news about the job Jo! 

Hope that tomorrow's scan goes well (and that there aren't _too _ many follicles)

Misty - wishing you luck for your testing tomorrow. Let's hope you will be the first on this board to enter into the "Precious Cargo on Board" category!


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## Mable

Evening all - 

Lots of luck to Tamsin and Kerry, hope those sperm swim well and do their stuff!

Tamsin - in response to your other post re sperm counts we had 8 mill, 4 mill, and 2x1.8 mill - they had had pregnancies on 1.8 mill.

Fingers crossed for Misty.

Heather all the best for scans and possible EC next week.

We are still waiting to start, I am about to order our IVF drugs, which is one of my key tasks in all this. We have our appointment with the nurse in May to show us how to administer them. Otherwise, we have both given up alcohol now and started exercising furiously, to be ship shape for the big IVF attempt.  

Herbaltea - on reflection, I think you are a Rose (Rosehip tea)....??
Mable


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## bagpuss1

Hi everyone,

Jo- Congrats on the job. What kind of team will you be working in?
Hope the scan goes well, will be thinking of you.

Tamsin- forgot to ask, what was your sperm count?

Mable- thanks for your good wishes!

Got to go now, cant stop farting!!! Apparently its a side effect! Well thats my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Speak soon,

Kerry


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## nismat

bagpuss1 said:


> Tamsin- forgot to ask, what was your sperm count?


And I forgot to say! It was 8.5 million, with 74% motility, so I was pretty pleased with that, although I couldn't help feeling a bit sad that yours was so much lower yesterday  It was good to see Mable's post above on the subject though regarding pregnancies achieved at 1.8million. 
The donor had actually been into the clinic earlier in the day (presumably to make extra donations, so I'm fairly confident of being able to get sibling sperm if we need to), and he's got proven fertility through the clinic, plus children of his own already.



bagpuss1 said:


> Got to go now, cant stop farting!!! Apparently its a side effect! Well thats my excuse and I'm sticking to it.


You literally made me laugh at loud with that one!

Tx


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## starrysky

Hi everyone.

Mabel - you are ordering the drugs!! Hurrah!! That means that you are getting closer. Jo and I really felt that was it starting when we got the delivery of the drugs. 

Tamsin - whenever I have doubts about numbers - number of sperm, number of swimming sperm, number of follicles, number of eggs, I always think of some of the things I have read by people like Zita West and heard at the clinic that sometimes it is people with low numbers and poor quality eggs/sperm that get pregnant and people with high numbers/quality don't so there is hope for everyone .

Misty - good luck today  .

I used to one to test on day one after IUI and it was a constant battle not to .I used to sneak off and but them and test when it was way too early!!!!!!!! RESIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! .

Love to all.

Heather


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## Jayne

Cyclers  

(Starrysky) Healther* & Jo - DIVF 

2ww - Good luck!   

Misty* - DIUI - Testing 20 April 

(Bagpuss1) Kerry* & Helen - DIUI Testing 30 April 

(Nismat) Tamsin* & Karen - DIUI - Testing 3 May 

In between treatment

Edith* & Mabel - DIVF in June

Herbaltea* - HSG 11 May then DIUI

Precious Cargo On Board  

Our Miracle is Here 

Please let me have any additions/amendments to the above list 

* = Partner having treatment

-------------------

Misty - Wishing you loads of luck for today's test  

Kerry - Glad to hear IUI went well. Wishing you lots of luck for that BFP  

Heather - Sending lots of follie growing vibes to you  

Big  to everyone else.

Love

Jayne x


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## bagpuss1

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your good luck wishes.

Heather- Have been feeling pretty down today cos of the low sperm count we had this time round. Your message has just really cheered me up, thank you so much. What did Zita west say about low sperm counts, and your clinic, did they say anything else. I know I should be relaxing and not worrying but this is the lowest count we have had and we have never had a BFP!!

Speak soon,

Love Kerry


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## starrysky

Hi Kerry

My IUI's are so far in the past, had six and the last one abandoned, and spread over so long that I can't remember exactly what the clinic said, just that they had seen low numbers and poor quality achieve positive results, and the opposite for good quality sperm. We also had problems with low numbers and poor quality through the IUI's but I don't think that is the reason it didn't work. I think that because of my PCOS the timing was almost impossible to get right.  

The Zita West book speaks about embryo quality and says that she hsas known people with high quality embryons not get pregant whilst other people have got prgnt with only one frozen embryo.

So be hopeful!!  

I am really not sure how things are going for us, and I wish that we had left the clinic today with a bit more of a measure from them as to how it is going. My scan tomorrow is cancelled in favour of a scan on Friday. Now have got good thickness in uterus but still only three/four follies getting  towards the right size. I really feel that I am on a rollercoaster now and my thoughts are all over the place,   one minute as I think it is going well, then   then   then  . Oh well, not far to go till the next scan. And just when I think that I am managing it I remember I've got work tomorrow and Friday. That just seems like such an unwanted addition to this complicated life. To top it all our drugs run out on Monday so if we need to get more will be a real crisis!!!!  

Sending positive vibes to the strong little swimmers that you got    and best wishes to everyone else. 

Heather


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## starrysky

My brain is going, now i am talking about embryons!!!!!!

H


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## herbaltea

Hi all - back from work for literally half a day! Just had a quick catch up of the board. Has anyone heard from Misty? I will catch up properly next weekend. 

Until then - good luck to all  

Name clue - begins with S!!


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## nismat

herbaltea said:


> Name clue - begins with S!!


Ummm - Saffron??
Or is Herbaltea a complete red herring?

No news from Misty that I've seen - don't know if indicates a BFN or BFP though!

*Heather * hope that you got good news at your scan yesterday - do let us all know. I loved all your little "mood" icons!

I'm now 4 days past IUI and feeling fairly calm. I think it's just such a relief to finally be actually ttc rather than just planning and waiting to start that all the stress has dropped away. I have no real feelings as to whether it has worked or not. 10 more days to go until I test....

Tamsin


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## crazycat

Hi all,
Heather & I are both def going a bit crazy!!!   
I think if Heather has many more scans we may as well move in to the unit & save ourselves a long drive!  We are going back again Mon & are desperately hoping more follies will grow in the meantime & that we will then have a date for the collection & transfer.  Heather's work know what she is doing but mine only know my partner is having some treatment which I have to be present for - Getting the time off (& fitting the work in around it) is getting harder & harder: Talk about stressful.
Also Heather is getting quite bloated, normal I know but I am starting to panic about OHSS (She has alot of smaller follies & would be at major risk if too many grow)  Arrrrghhhh!!    
We are both veering from one emotion to the next & don't really know if we are coming or going          - Also have strange moments of calm & positiveness in between, all very odd.
Anyhow - Hope all of you are doing ok.
Kerry - Glad you are feeling a little better.
Herbaltea: Sarah?
  & Misty Sending loads of   your way.
Someone was asking what my new job is - Social Worker in a hospice, will be starting 6th June.  
Luck to us all.
Jo


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## starrysky

Hi everyone 

Is that a stork I see flying over there?!!!

Just popping in to say hello.

Herbaltea - are you Sally?

Kerry and Tamsin - hope your 2WW's are not too torturous. Jo, who is the pee stick police in disguise  

Heather


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## starrysky

Meant to ask you Edie or Mable if you watched the drama on Thursday night. How weird was that to see that corridor at Kings. Having spent so long sitting there over the last few years it was like looking at my own home on the TV!!

Sad, sad story though.

Heather


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## crazycat

Hey everyone -
Just checking in, not much time until Heather has to do her injections.
Please send lots of   for tomorrow for us, we are really hoping we will get a date for egg collection then.

Thinking of all you    lets hope we all have some good news soon.

See ya, Jo


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## nismat

Heather & Jo,
Hope that today's scan shows good results and that you get a date for egg retrieval!

Tamsin


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## Mable

Hi,
Good luck to Heather and Jo for an egg collection date. I didn't see the programme on TV featuring the Kings corridor, what was it? Am not watching TV at the moment, too much baby advertising making me feel worse.

Fingers crossed for Tamsin and Kerry in your 2WWs. 

A close friend yesterday rang to tell me that she is 3 months pregnant with her 3rd child. Felt like a real blow, although it seems selfish to feel so sorry for myself.

Good luck all
Mable


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## nismat

Hi Mable,
The programme was "Born with 2 mothers" - a dramatisation of true-life events around IVF where the embryo got transferred to the wrong couple - a white couple gave birth to a black couple's genetic child. I didn't watch it - thought that it could be too traumatic!

Sorry to hear that you were upset by your friend's pregnancy news - I think it's perfectly understandable to feel sorry for yourself, and you really shouldn't beat yourself up for feeling sorry for yourself when you and Edith are having to go through so much to create a baby together. 
I remember when my sister announced her first pregnancy how it felt like a real personal blow even though I was also happy for her. It sounds really petty and stupid, but as the eldest sibling, I always wanted to be the first to have a baby! It brought out all kinds of emotions that I wasn't expecting. She's now on her 4th pregnancy (sadly the 2nd and 3rd both ended in miscarriage at 12 weeks), and I was much happier in a purer, less selfish sense for both 3rd and 4th, because of what she has had to go through to try and maintain a successful pregnancy. With the news of the 2nd, I'm afraid that I was probably even more jealous than 1st time around because I still wasn't anywhere near trying to conceive, let alone pregnant   Now I'll just be happy when the new baby arrives in August (hopefully), as a brother or sister to my adorable niece.

Some people do just seem to be able to get pregnant at the drop of a hat though, which makes it harder to bear when you can't, and when we have to go through all kinds of procedures just to get pregnant.


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## crazycat

Hey everyone!

 Egg collection will be Thurs, I am very relieved just to know now when it will be & getting a bit excited too!! (I will let Heather tell you the rest, but all looking reasonably good so far).

The Born with 2 Mothers programme was interesting & sad but may not have been everyones 1st choice for a relaxing night!  It was very odd sitting in Kings corridor again today, looking at the same view as on TV!

We both know exactly what you mean about other people getting pregnant at the drop of a hat - It really is either upsetting or extremely annoying.  Even worse can be those people who think nothing of complaining to everyone about their children, that gets my goat every time.  When we do (all of us I hope) have families, these children will be so treasured that they could not get better parents anywhere!

Off to cook dinner now.
Jo


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## starrysky

Morning everyone!!

   Tamsin and Kerry - findgers x'd for you in the 2WW .

Mable - yeah, I certainly share that sense of despondency when I hear of friend's pregnancies. Not finding it so bad now that i just let myself feel sad and jealous without also thinking that I must be a horrible person for feeling that way.  I have found that in the moment that I hear that announcement ( a few weeks ago it was a good friend telling me that she is pregnant but not sure if she wants to go ahead with the pregnancy, then telling me it is twins) if I just swear to myself and have that downward plummet into despair and let it happen without fighting it I can keep smiling and be genuinely pleased for people!!!

I'm going for egg collection thursday morning, feeling strangely calm. The biggest uncertainty is which CD to take with us which is a useful distraction!!! (Mabel and Edie start thinking about it now!!) Follies have grown, now have a definite six and poss 7 more. 30 follies in total, some small, but at risk of OHSS, but I do feel trust in the clinic and myself to watch this very carefully. 

Anyway hope everyone is well.

Heather


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## Mable

Hi,
Tamsin, Heather and Jo - thanks so much for all your support re my friend being pregnant again. Am feeling a little less sore about this now.

Tamsin - the books you lent us at the group are just fantastic - we are getting loads out of them! Ta.

Heather and Jo - I suggest a Westlife CD would be just the thing for Thursday.

How's it going Kerry?

Where's Misty?

Herbaltea - Sharon?
Thanks girls for your support!
Mable


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## Jayne

Cyclers  

(Starrysky) Healther* & Jo - DIVF 

2ww - Good luck!   

Misty* - DIUI - Testing 20 April 

(Bagpuss1) Kerry* & Helen - DIUI Testing 30 April 

(Nismat) Tamsin* & Karen - DIUI - Testing 3 May 

In between treatment

Edith* & Mabel - DIVF in June

Herbaltea* - HSG 11 May then DIUI

Precious Cargo On Board  

Our Miracle is Here 

Please let me have any additions/amendments to the above list 

* = Partner having treatment

-------------------

Heather & Jo - Wishing you lots of luck for Thursday        Lots of cranberry juice and water to keep OHSS at bay  Fingers crossed you don't get it though Heather.

Misty - Thinking of you, and hoping for good news  

Babydust to you all 

Jayne x


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## starrysky

Hi Jayne - yes, will get some cranberry juice lined up, three litres of water a day, will need a catheter to be able to cope!!!!!!!!!

 to everyone.

Heather


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## Jayne

Heather & Jo - Hope all went well today.  Dying to know how many eggies you got   

Love 

Jayne x


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## starrysky

Hi Jayne

Finally made it on to the computer!!

Egg collection is now over thank goodness ( was so relieved that it was not as traumatic as I thought). 20 follies drained, five eggs, and heard this morning 2 have fertilised. I am rooting for those 2 fabulous ones. Egg transfer is tomorrow morning then it is 2WW for me.  .

Good luck Kerry and Helen!

Tamsin and Karen - not long to go. Beware the Pee Stick Police!!

Misty - hope you are OK.

Heather


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## bagpuss1

Hi everyone,

Sorry I have not posted for a while, have been going a bit doo lallee!!!!

Heather and Jo- I am so chuffed for both of you Good luck for the transfer. Let us know how you get on.

Well I have good news and not so good news!!! We have a    .

Not so good news is that I am having some brownish discharge which I am hoping is implantation bleeding. Anyone got any ideas? 

Have been to the clinic today to collect some more pessaries and they have said that it may be an early miscarriage, but that it could also just stop and everything be okay.

A bit concerned but not too worried. Still in shock about the BFP so think I am a bit numb!!!

Speak soon,

Love Kerry and Helen.


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## Jayne

Excellent news on here today   

Heather & Jo - Congrats on the 2 embies.  Good luck for ET    

Kerry & Helen - Yipeeeee, congratulations!  Really pleased for you both    

Brown blood usually is fine as it's old blood, so probably is implantation bleeding.  It's only if it's bright red with cramping you have need for concern - and even then I've read of people on the boards having this and continuing with a healthy pregnancy    Some cramping is also very normal in early pregnancy, I had AF type pains from the day after I got my BFP.  The changes in your body happen rapidly, so don't panic if you feel AF pains - think of them more as pregnancy pains as your body stretches to accommodate your baby   

Hope that helps reassure you a little - I know it's not easy to not worry.  But, you will probably have to get used to that now, as the worrying never ends   

Love 
Jayne x


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## Jayne

New home this way

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=28193.new#new


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