# Activity Day



## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

Hey, 

We are going to an activity day next Saturday - we have a dilemma...do we dress up?

We both initially said we wouldn't but when speaking to some adopters at a networking meeting yesterday, one person said that if you dressed up children were more likely to come and speak to you...

Thoughts on this would be great!!


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Hello  

The 'Activity Days' were not about when we were approved.  I can only say what I would do in your situation and that is - to dress up!!

Personally, I think it shows a fun side, it shows you are child centred, and it might just make the difference to a potential child and their SW and make you stand out.  You don't have to go crazy with outfits but I would say make the effort  . Think about the kind of and age of child you want to attract and dress accordingly  .

That's what I think anyway  

Wishing you luck
DE


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Hello,

Do what you feel comfortable in, we went to one & not one adult dressed up...

If your not 100% comfortable dressing up maybe accesorise? Bring things you can share with the children to play with like toy bananas if you're a monkey etc.

Enjoy yourselves


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Take a look at me if you like... http://pauliboo.wordpress.com/2013/09/16/pirates-princesses/

Our LO's FCs remembered us from us dressing up!

You can take a bet that most of the children have dressed up, there were perhaps 10% of the adopters who had bothered so we were a small bunch, but I think we were able to talk to children easier, and to be honest it was just more fun.

The SWs certainly remembered us too!

To be fair, do whatever you feel comfortable doing.

/links


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

Ha, ha, love it, Paul!


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

Well, it is a Disney theme so we are going as Minnie and Mickey...

We thought that we could do it reletively cheaply and also if not many people were dressed up we could tone it down a bit if we felt it was necessary! 

So, I have a polka dot skirt tutu and ears with the polka dot bow - also a red top and leggings (therefore if I don't feel I can do it I can just wear the long red top and leggings) and DH has some red trousers and black tshirt with the ears - also face paint for a black nose  

A couple we spoke to said that they dressed up and there LO's chose them  

Thanks for the advice guys!


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## pyjamas (Jun 24, 2011)

I don't think it made any difference whether you dress up or not, we didn't, but got no different response from children than people who did dress up. The children are there to have a party and have fun so just join in! Our main criticism of Activity Days is that adopters do monopolise therefore giving others no chance to meet some children, especially the babies, despite being told not to. There is also a lot of competition x


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## millie:) (Feb 12, 2013)

I have to second pyjamas we did not find our little one at activity day but people certainly did monopolise children and stuck with them like limpets we did not dress up but hey its a party so why not it was a good day and I heard a lot of children got matched from it x


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## chadwick13 (Jun 30, 2010)

We're going to one on Sunday..... Our social worker warned us about how competitive it can be and how some adopters make a beeline for certain children and completely monopolise them. We're not going to dress up as such, but I'll probably wear a t-shirt with a cartoon character on it or something similar. DH is being fairly pragmatic about it, but I'm dreading it...


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

We had that at one, this lady made a beeline for a particular girl an was with her the whole time!


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Our LO was harrassed by another couple for most of the day, so her FCs told as and they dreaded the thought it was them who had been matched and not us.

We kept our distance, didn't really interact with our LO at all - as she was very shy and clung to her FC for dear life.  We smiles and just watched from a far, we then approached their FF and asked him all the questions we had.

You'd have thought these adults would have more respect for the children, and let them be - I assume the SWs know this and perhaps put those adopters at the bottom of the list?

I see it as you are there to get as many questions answered as you can, that's the opportunity, and if you happen to have some interaction with a child even better - but it isn't decisive, and you won't be marked on it.

Good luck,

Paul x


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## pyjamas (Jun 24, 2011)

We are going to our second Adoption Activity Day in October. Found the first one really overwhelming and intense. A very stressful day. We enquired about five children immediately after. Heard nothing from 3 despite our SW trying to follow them up and the other 2 we heard went to others. So competitive. The children seemed to have a great time. We hated it! x x x


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## tractorgirl (Oct 7, 2013)

Hi - even though our panel date isn't until early November our SW sent us a profile of a little blue who will be going to an activity day in a few weeks' time. Our SW contacted his social worker to enquire about him and we've been invited to this day to see him. We haven't had the full profile yet but his initial information has interested us. For those of you who have been to an activity day - can you chat to the child you might be interested in or is it better to hold back and just chat to their social worker. The danger for us is that we haven't been approved do yet so there's always a chance someone else could be interested, but he is a lot older so is probably harder to place. Xx


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Hard to Place = Been on the system for 12 months or more

That's what we found with our LO, there wasn't really anything in her profile that suggested why she had been waiting for so long.

Yes speak to the kids if they are amenable to that.

Our LO was far too shy so we didn't really interact with her, however there were loads of kids there who did seem to interact really well with strangers - I'm not sure I would have wanted to go for a child who did that though, there didn'r seem to be much stranger-danger being displayed from some.

In most cases you should first talk to their FCs anyway - at least find out if the LO wants to be interacted with before jumping in.

Good luck,
Paul x


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## MummyPhinie (Oct 27, 2013)

I really struggled with the activity day we went on. We went specifically to see a sibling group that we were thinking (and sw) would have been a strong link for us. 

We got there to find an out of county couple had come to see them, and basically commandeered the children the whole day. Found it very upsetting and overwhelming. However we kept open minds and mingled and saw some other groups we liked too. Felt under pressure to speak to children and sw, but we didn't get a look in. They even tell people in the books to not do that!

Make it even worse when we got to see them, it was right at the end, when they were tired and we sat next to FC listening about how lovely they thought the other couple were! I did enjoy about 5 mins of play with 2 of them!

HOWEVER! We expressed interest, and once approved ended up in a competitive match with the other couple  which was horrendous. 

But as people on this forum will know we now have had that little group at home for 10 weeks now. I am really feeling that despite all the crap we went through it was meant to be  they are definitely feeling like MINE, they are so suited to our family too.

Interestingly when we got to know the FC, they admitted they initially thought the other couple were us! But they didn't really like how intense they were, and fussed about the children too much and overwhelmed them! The foster mum also said at the end of intros as I was cuddling my youngest " don't be offended but I felt that you were more suited as you seem more mumsy and perfect to give them what they need" 
Activity days do have their place, for us it made us really consider our group, as they appeared so little, and you see more of their personalities. But I will always wonder what happened to the other group we enquired about.


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

Well, we went on Saturday and dressed as Minnie and Mickey - an oh my godness are we glad we did!! It was an easy in with some children! 

I relaly struggled to begin with and just stood and watched, DH played football with some older children (even though we are only approved up to 4) to get into it and then slowly made our way round the areas.

Got to the soft play room and this little girl came up to me, dressed as a princess with a balloon wand and told me I was magically turned into a frog! Well that was it then we played with her for a little while and her brother joined in too for a little while...we were then aware that we shouldnt monopolise a child so we moved out into the adopters room for a break.  Then as we were leaving we walked past her and her FC and she stopped us and said goodbye and waved at us! 

We have of course expressed and interest and if it doesn't come to anything I think we will be exceedingly upset! 

I would (if I have to) do another activity day!


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

Oh and also, some siblings that we had recently said no to were there...I was so scared about seeing them and just feeling guilt but in fact we saw them and just sat back and observed and we were happy in a way that we had said no and that the way we had come to our decision was right for them and us. 

Gave us faith that the way we are processing any referrals is the right way.


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## time2bmum (May 26, 2014)

They sound horrendous. There's one coming up in Nov which we may go to but I'm really not looking forward to it and your comments haven't changed that lol. Just part of the emotional rollercoaster we're all on I know but wow.. they do sound awful!


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

time2bmum said:


> They sound horrendous. There's one coming up in Nov which we may go to but I'm really not looking forward to it and your comments haven't changed that lol. Just part of the emotional rollercoaster we're all on I know but wow.. they do sound awful!


I think the point should be made that they don't suit everyone, but those that do go get matched around 20% of the time. That's far better than the kids languishing on CWW or BMP.

You can't go thinking you'll find your match, you have to be strong and you have to have fun with and interact with the kids - it is tough, but it was so worth it for us.


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

As Paul said they aren't for everyone but I actually enjoyed it - was nervous as hell before (hence my original post) but ended up feeling really positive.

Just to see children as children rather than just a piece of paper was great! Also, DH had always said that if it was a boy and girl sibling group the girl should be younger however coming away from the day he realised it didn't matter. Following that we are meeting a SW for a pre-link and the girl is older than the boy! 

I'd say go with an open mind and just go with the flow of the day


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Amazing news kimmie! So excitng you've met them too! Very true about the children you've said no to, we felt guilty but then Sw shoved us into interacting with one when we had already said no & this LO haunted my thoughts for a long time! Best of luck for linking! X


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