# hi and 'other people'



## ruby k (Jun 2, 2004)

hi everyone
i was on and around the site a few months ago after being referred for nhs icsi in 2006. i had some time away from the site as i had a bit of a bad patch combined with a hectic work period and just couldn't post for a while tho i was thinking of everyone on here. Anyway, i sought support from a counsellor and dh and i have decided to try and pay for treatment in the spring - hence feeling a lot more positive about the future. SO i just thought I would 'check in' with all you inbetweenies and hope its OK to join you. 

One of the things i still really struggle with tho is OTHER PEOPLE (O P's as I call them!)  - does anyone have any ideas on how to dodge the insensitive comments? I have confided in some people who have been marvellous, but a few others have really NOT been ....any tips? 

Anyway, wishing you all plenty of  

love ruby k xxxx


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## freespirit. (Nov 24, 2004)

Hi Ruby ,
Just thought i'd say hi , i'm pretty new to the site , found it about a week ago .
Everyone seems really nice and supportive 
I'm hoping to join in the chitter chatter and get to know some peeps.
If you find anyway to dodge op's questions or come up with any tips on talking about things please pass them on !! As i too am struggling .
Hope to catch you on the boards 
jx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

hi ruby

Welcome back to ff
Please come join us on the inbetweenie thread called chitter chatters where the girls are a great support to each other

Love
suzie aka olive xx


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## bev22 (May 14, 2004)

Hi Ruby welcome to the site.  'other peoples' comments are so difficult and i always strugge to find the right answer to people who ask 'have you got children?' or 'dont you want children?' etc etc.  Sometimes i dread meeting new people as i know i will be asked this type of question. Like you only a small circle of people are aware of my fertility problems and i dont want 'other people' knowing my business.  when i am asked i tend to say 'not yet' or try and change the subject around to them. sorry i cannot offer more advice. Bev


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## olwen (Oct 26, 2004)

Hi Ruby,

I too find OP's comments hard.  Of course the ones I dread most are "I dont know how to tell you....I'm pg"  People seem to have given up asking me if I want children.  But then it always comes up when I meet new people.  I dont have the answer either.  

Good luck for your tx.
Love Olwen xx


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## rosy (Mar 31, 2004)

Hi Ruby

good luck with your treatment next year - hopefully you won't have to put up with OPs comments much longer.

I have been astounded by some of the truely hurtful things people have said to me on the subject of children, parenting and infertility, but I honestly believe that it's because it's such a sensitive topic that it gives people 'foot in the mouth syndrome'. I think that people just don't know what to say, but are desperate to say something, anything to help, and the what comes out their mouths can be the complete reverse.

For me it depends where I am in a treatment cycle as to how this effects me, if I've had a recent BFN everything upsets me! But in general I think that it does get better. More of my friends and family know our situation now, and are sensitve and supportive and I am more philosphical about it too. Even when I cringe about something someone is saying to me I remember that while I have had several years to get my head around my situation, they are just dealing wth it, maybe for the first time, and are doing the best they can.

hope this helps - and you can always check out the thread called 'mother in laws tongue' I've ranted on it in the past an it's made me feel better

love 
Rosy


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## ruby k (Jun 2, 2004)

hi rosy, olwen, bev, olive and j
thank you all for your replies and kind words. its good to know i am not alone in the maelstrom of OP's!! I think you are right rosy about the foot in mouth syndrome thing - people can be really freaked be saying the wrong thing - and then they do!! my sis (who has two healthy kids both conceived within a couple of months of trying) recently told me she was really 'disappointed' when her af arrived - as she thought she might be pg again. not sure WHAT to think about that. still smarting from it to be honest!  Anyway i'm trying not to dwell on it altho can't help feeling quite upset about it....I guess its that thing of not really understanding the pain it can cause unless you've been through it right?

Anyway, another day another OP comment!!!

love ruby xx


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