# Adoption books for grandparents



## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

I wondered if anyone could recommend good books for grandparents to help them understand a bit more about adoption and things?

Any advice appreciated


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## Lawmonkey (Sep 20, 2012)

Hi Maisyz

There is a book called 'Related by adoption: a handbook for grandparents' not sure of the author but you can get it on amazon. It has some stories in it from grandparents we have it in my work. 

Good luck x


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

There are two I know of:

Related by Adoption: A Handbook for Grandparents and Other Relatives
Adoption is a Family Affair!: What Relatives and Friends Must Know

The first has been handed around our families and seems to be a good base to show them the process, the second I think I'll be ordering as the reviews seem to be good.


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

We had one sorry can't remember which one but I seem to recall it was yellow. It did the rounds and everyone was keen to read it. I think it just helped reinforce the issues with the early days and explained why its important to give space when the important parent child attachments are being made. Doesn't make it any easier for family who are desperate to meet lo. We rang our families when bubba was playing so they could hear her and sent lots of picture messages. It all falls into place xx


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

Thankyou all, have had v yearful chat with in laws they are uber sad my last cycle failed but 100% behind adoption. This babykins will be very lucky because they have the formidable force of our combined families absolutely dedicated to making sure we succeed. I am v positive right now., Thankyou all they are ready to memorise every book poss to make our babykins and their grandbabbies a reality x

A v proud Maisy


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## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

Oh...great thread and think I'll be ordering those books   we have recently spoken to both sets of parents re adoption & they are very supportive, but as we go through this journey I realise there will be some educating to do with friends and family   I think our LA actually holds an info session for friends and family afew times a year which I think is a fab idea & we'll definitely be encouraging our nearest & dearest to attend as well as read up in the subject!


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## apparition (Apr 20, 2007)

Hi all

This book is for parents and teachers but perfect for grandparents too.
It is downloadable to phones and readers so handy to take anywhere.

http://www.adoptionuk.org/information/102985/northern_ireland/

Published by our health trusts here.

Apps

/links


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

There's another book that has been passed around the families called "What to expect when you're adopting: a practical guide to the decisions and emotions involved in adoption". 
It's such a good book as it goes a bit further into the process and helps your families understand the emotions you'll be going through, it's very well written too.

Another piece of advice that has helped us save some money is to join a local library and get the books out on loan first, we've done this with a few of the books mentioned and if they were any good (and that we'd look at them again) we bought them.


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

Thankyou all so much for all your help, will get a list together and hit the library, they didnt have much in but said tehy could order in for us.


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Use the online library search function to reserve books and they will order them in to your local library for collection, takes up to a week but it's worth it.


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## Sun Flower (Jul 14, 2008)

Hi maisy
Just wanted to say I mentioned the books to my mum, she popped into the library this afternoon and picked up 4 books on adoption and also ordered a grandparents one! She feels like she is doing something really positive and useful plus I have a stack of books to read now without the hassle of going to the library or amazon!   will pass them around the family when I have had a read. Everyone is so excited for us, I agree our adopted little ones will be showered with so much love x


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

It's great when families are really on board.  My parents were very luke warm about us adopting but suddenly got enthusiastic when we knew Wyxling was coming and they love her to bits.  My husband's parents are fantastic and have been incredibly supportive throughout, they have done so much for us when we've needed them I think we would have struggled to manage without them.  The only slight problem I do find is that my husband's mum knows everything, and I mean everything, about kids, and is basically wonderwoman.  She has really struggled to understand why Wyxling does need different parenting from a birth child, and in particular why we have taken introducing her to people and leaving her with others, very, very slowly, and that maybe sometimes I do know my own child best.  I'm sure that's partly fueled by a desire to see he granddaughter as much as possible and over time she has slowly come at least part of the way round to accepting how we've had to do things.  

I know we're going to find things harder with a second child.  I think my M-I-L has already decided that things will be different with this child, because he's going to be a baby when placed, and I suspect I'm going to upset her with how much she can do for him when she first sees him.  I told her we sadly wouldn't be able to go on holiday with them 6 weeks after placement and she said "oh, you never know, he'll probably settle fine being a baby, and we can look after them for a bit so you can have a break".  I really don't want to upset her because I'm very grateful for what she does, but there's no way a massive long drive and a week in a cottage with about 7 or 8 members of extended family is going to be anything other than massively stressful for a newly placed child, and I've only left Wyxling for a few hours in a go in 11 months, so I'm certainly not going to give a baby to someone for a day six weeks after they've been here!


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## ChickenLegs (Feb 3, 2013)

I feel your pain Wyxie, I don't know if I'll be able to keep the grandparents away when we bring our LOs home    Does anyone know which books discuss the need to stay away at first? Then that's an uncomfortable conversation I won't have to have!


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## Maisyz (Dec 15, 2010)

Your parents do sound lovely Wyxling. I thing we'll have the same issues here with people wanting to make them part of the clan and finding it hard to take it slowly. This is why I figured I'd better start preparing things so soon to try and manage eeryone else before I end up stressed out if my mnd by the whole process.

We're making a start on final DIY jobs and things soon and wondered what else to look at. I thought it migth be useful to do my own sort of health and safety risk assessment of the house and solutions (I mean I know stuff like we'll need window restrictors fitting, smoke alarms, lockable cleaning store cupboards etc) so would it be useful to do or would they think I'm some desperate try hard? Have been looking at garden stuff and we do have stuff that obv you wouldn't want a child stuffing in their mouth etc but how far do they expect you to go. Is it more awareness or do you ahve to rip out every possibly hazardous plant?

Other things on my to do list are

1. Get some experience with littlies, am looking at nursery / contact centre as we don' have family and friends with small kids
2. Look into first aid training for littlies, start sourcing first aid kits etc
3. Though about completing designs for bedrooms and playroom so we can show a plan and cost things out. Wondered if it's OK to have some second hand stuff or do they expect everything to be brand new. Obv matresses etc ould be new as I'm funny about stuff like that but storage and toys etc?
4. Outdoor play equipment etc how much do you need to start looking at getting
5. Open savings account for kiddy stuff
6. We have a dog who is pretty mellow but can anyone think of any training things we should focus on?
7. Should we start a fmily tree , if so how far will they want to go?
8. Doing a file of info on where we live, schools, activities etc- any suggestions
9. Thought I might do a folder on cooking and meal planning, have been finding and practicing kid friendly and family meal planning, thought I'd shove something in on nutrition and problem solving, (hiding fruit and veg, what if they won't eat etc) so I ahve a toolkt ready to show I've looked into things.
10.Reading up on adoption and parenting, thinking about reading all the NVQ childcare books would they help?

Any input appreciated , want to make a start but don't want to seem like some over keen weirdo either.

Maisy


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Maisyz,
absolutely nothing wrong with being keen, can only be a good thing!
3. They certainly wouldn't expect everything to be new, just be sure anything you buy second hand conforms to safety laws.
4. Wouldn't worry too much about this, wait until you are matched and then you can get what's appropriate for your LO.
5. Great idea, shows that you are financially secure, or are at least trying to be!
6. Maybe you could introduce dog to some children just to be sure of his reaction to them, especially if he's not used to them.

As for your other points, they're all good and do them if you have time but I wouldn't stress to much....!
Good Luck x


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Maisy, regarding reading up, I would look at adoption specific books rather than general parenting books, as adopted children often do need very different parenting and discipline.  A supernanny type approach can be very bad for children with attachment problems.

I found Caroline Archer, Tiddlers and Toddlers a really nice start, and also read a couple of Dan Hughes books which look at attachment and how that can effect behaviour etc, although the dialogues in them are hopeless.  Your LA would probably have some suggested reading though and may well be able to lend out books if they have them.

Sounds like you've found lots to keep yourself busy!


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