# Sibling worries already and I`m not even pregnant!!



## Tinx (Sep 2, 2005)

Hello!!!!

It is such a joy to be able to come on here and to "talk" and express myself knowing that you all understand. I feel soooooo mixed up and dont know where to turn.
I am so very very lucky to be the mummy of my wonderful daughter. Willow is almost 18 months and the 8 years of waiting for her were worth every second! She is a dream, my world now makes sense and I have never been so happy, but... I love Willow to pieces and would be happy if I knew that she were to be my only child, but I dont know that for certain so I want to try and have a second miracle with fet. Despite longing for another baby, at the same time I dread not coping with my toddler and a new born. How do people manage? 1 is hard work and she is perfect, how will I find the strength to have a newborn and sleepless nights again and no time to nap as I have Willow to play with, potty train etc!!! I am so scared that if I have a number 2 bubba, that Willow will miss out on mummy time, or that number 2 will feel left out and not get the same 200% devotion that Willow had/has. It is so hard, I am trying to get my head around the idea of treatment in the summer but I am also so worried about how it will affect our perfact family at the moment. I dont want anyone to miss out, or for me to feel unable to cope. I truly yearn for another baby, and indeed, if I could I would love 3 or 4 children in total in one way but in another way I just want to have 1!! Is this making any sense!? Couples who just get pregnant naturally dont have any of these worries, I guess they just cope as the situation arises, but we have to put so much extra thought and planning into it all that the worries build up.

I just wonder if anyone else feels the same and is able to offer any advice.

I know I have enough love to love a million children, but the practicality of it all is not so easy!!


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## SWEETCHEEKS (Sep 15, 2005)

My gosh i could have wrote that post myself   ...

i feel EXACTLY the same as you, except we have no frosties ...  ... we are hoping for a natural miracle.. 

I have every worry you have, i know its only natural.... and i also know if it was to happen, we/you would cope - and probably turn out to be the best thing ever  

and if it doesnt.... well we will always have our precious little one, no1 will take that away..... So either way - WE win  

My advice... like i give myself - Go for it.... like i say - either way we win  

xxx


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

I have 2 DD's with 19months between them.  I never questioned would I be able to love 2 and when DD2 came along I did just fall instantly in love with her and when I saw dd1 with her the love for both seemed to grow even more.  As for the coping well I'm not going to say its easy I've heard quite a few people say 1 to 2 is harder than 2 to 3 etc.  In whatever I do with one I try to get the other involved in dd2 sitting in chair or something playing next to me and dd1 or if changing nappies getting both involved.  You do cope the early days aren't east but I don't think they are that easy with any newborn


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## xxLisaxx (Oct 27, 2005)

Hi Tinx,

Hello again. I think we spoke near the end of our pregnancies.  I also could have written your post.  I share all your concerns.  Although I have no frosties I have my first baseline scan for IVF on Friday. 

I am scared about going through all the emotional turmoil again and also the physical part of pregnancy. I had a lot of bleeding and sickness. I've no idea how I would cope with my LO (although she is very easy going) if I had to go through all that again.

I've just decided to take one day at a time and see what happens. If we are lucky to have another child it will all be worth it. Sometimes I see Hannah playing on her own and think how she would love to have a sibling to play with.

Take care
Lisa
x


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## Tinx (Sep 2, 2005)

Oh wow! I have such tingly goosebumps reading your replies!

I have been getting myself in such a state, worrying about everything and feeling so alone. I dont want to talk to DH or my parents or even some of my friends for fear that they wil think I am not ready to try for another wonderful miracle. I know that my feelings are natural and that surely most mums feel the same, but with all the effort and thought that you have to put into going through and coping with treatment, I think I have got myself into a real pickle!!

To read your words really made sense. It`s so good to have other opinions and perspectives. You are right in the sense that all mums just do cope! you do have the love, you do fall in love, and the idea, luckymum, that I will fall even more in love with Willow is mindblowing! I can see what you mean, the pride must be overwhelming to see 1 and 2 together! I am sooo in love with Willow and I cant wait to double that! I guess that baby number 2 may have a little less time or energy from me in comparison to the time I had with Willow, but as a bonus, number 2 will have an amazing older to sister and all the love she has to offer!!!

BRING IT ON!!!!!

Having Willow was hard work and a huge learning curve, but I guess it wont be such a shock the second time round! I will have new things to learn but my special little helper will be with me!!

Thanks so much for your time and help ladies, it means the world to me.

Will defo come on here more as the feeling of comradery is so needed!

Thanks again! One day at a time is my motto too now!! thanks Lisa xx

Take care and fingers crossed for us all!

Tinx xx


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

it is amazing seeing them both interact and now my DD2 is becoming more responsive to people the big smiles she gives DD1 does just melt your heart.  I may have been lucky I've had very little resentment from DD1 I did stop BF as that was causing issues but since then she has been great with her baby sister


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## ~ Chux ~ (Apr 8, 2003)

I think how you are feeling is completely normal, I know I went through it all when pg with dd - how would I cope, how would ds react to having 'competition' for my time, how could I possibly love another child as much etc etc. I remember a friend saying to me that she was worried she couldn't love another and I thought it was ridiculous.................until I was pg with my second that is!!!

The fact is you can and do love another just as much. Yes, it can be hard work but it is also very rewarding and great fun. I remember my dh telling me I was focusing on all the negatives and what about the fact that ds would have a playmate, someone to grow up with etc etc and it is so true. Even now, when I see them egging each other on and interacting together, it is just soooooooooo cute.

The first was definitely the hardest as your whole life changes. With the second you already have a support network and your life is child orientated so it's one less (HUGE) thing to deal with.

Good luck,

Chux xx


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## Tinx (Sep 2, 2005)

Chux, you are a star!!!! I soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo needed to hear those words, I could kiss you!!! I am an eternal worrier ( as well as being hyperly happy at the same time!!) and I think I have been thinking too much about the negatives too, your husbands words are very wise and I shall have to tell them to myself daily!!!

Now all I need is to actually get pregnant!!!

I love Willow to the moon and back and the thought of her having a sibling just melts my heart. She is already the worlds best mummy and plays with her dolls, changing them feeding them and goodness knows what else, so I know she will be a wonderful big sister!

I cant wait now! 

Thanks for all your encouragement, it is so powerful to hear it form others in the same boat.

Tinx xx


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Tinx - i understand completely too! I am sooo lucky to be pg with no 2 - although from a fresh tx cycle. (i am so lucky, as we only got one little embie).

I've never worried about my capacity to love, but it is wierd to imagine feeling the same incredible strength of love and emotion towards another little person - but i know that will happen.

I also worry that i won't be able to devote enough time to either of them, but as M is already established in a pattern at nursery, we will keep her there tokeep her routine (perhaps cut her hours a little) so i get quality time wtih my little man.  We will have to find ways of making sure that she doesn't miss out with mummy time.

Millions of people do it all the time, I think 'we' (is us in the IF commmunity) probably analyse these worries even more!!

Good luck with your FET in the summer, and I hope you get your dream. I am sure it will be worth the wait and you will love it all over again!!


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## TwiceBlessed (Nov 8, 2006)

tinx I have written a similar "worries" type thread having found myself miraculously pregnant naturally with a daughter of only 1year!

Its feels so daunting but the peeps on here are so wise   and supportive!

I hadnt even thought about the potty training thing while dealing with a newborn!!!  Mind you if I can work, run a house, bring up my one year old and deal with my dp   Im sure I will be fine!!!!

My friend bought K an "im the big sister" tshirt for my birthday and likr you it just melted my heart!!!!


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## ~ Chux ~ (Apr 8, 2003)

*Tinx* - IT's much easier to think about the negatives than the positives isn't it - I do it all the time. 

*Sallywags* - That's pretty much what we did - kept to ds1's routine when dd came along, and then kept to their routine when ds2 came along and I do think it's important to as much as you can.

As to potty training, it can wait! If your LO is ready to potty train then it'll be easy, if it's not easy then it won't hurt to leave it a few months until you are all a bit more 'with it'. Don't let others pressurise you into doing things before you are ready - our LO's will all end up in the same place and it'll be pretty irrelevant how long it took to get there.

Chux xx


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## Tinx (Sep 2, 2005)

Hi ladies!!

Wise words Chux, you are so right. I guess I am just a bit of a perfectionist and I worry that a second one will upset the routine, but so what!! It will all be new no matter what anyway so I guess the routine will stay as it is as much as poss and then have a new dimention!! It will all be a great learning curve and adventure. Children are so much more adaptable than adults anyway!! I need to be less of a Monica!!! I am a teacher and have always been very much an organiser! I dont want to say control freak but...!!! I must stop worrying and think of all the wonders of the pregnancy, newborn and  having 2!!!

ebw1969 HUGE congrats on getting  preg the natural way!! I guess you dont have to think and plan so much that way. I shall put in my order for it happening that way and see what happens!!! Bet it was such a shock for you!!! Great news!!

Sallywags, love your bump! pregnancy is such a beautiful and miraculous thing. I LOVED being pregnant and enjoyed every second, well, until right at the end and impatience ruled the roost!!! Take care of yourself and cargo!

Lol, Tinx xx


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