# Need to vent!!



## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

I could scream this evening!

We've just met the FF & SW for a little blue whose details we were giving last week. And we still don't actually know what is going on! 

Both of them were so standoffish. We felt as if they hadn't actually read our PAR. They focused in on the fact we don't drive, and actually made us feel guilt that we don't which is stupid. They had brought pictures of LO but weren't willing to show us them until they had made a decision. 

Hubby and I feel more upset coming out of that meeting then we did throughout any of our home study sessions. Won't know until tomorrow what is going on!

LO is from a neighbouring LA (one we almost used) who are notoriously strict about who they take through as adopters. I think if this link doesn't happen, then we'll say no to going through them again as they made us feel horrid!

The worse thing is, little blue sounds perfect for us and our family. They were talking about him and he sounds like a wonderful little boy.

Another stormy day on planet adoption!!!


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Hope you get the news you deserve tomorrow xxx


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

JesP - hugs, tea and sympathy.

When we got linked to our LO, the first visit with LO's SW and her manager was tough - the manager was, frankly, an absolute cow on a power trip. She made us feel as small as possible and throughout made it clear that they had the power with comments like 'IF we decide to place'. She made out she knew LO but hadn't even met her and couldn't remember her name at the second meeting! Fast forward to the planning meeting on the second day of contact we met her again and she has changed her tune and was fairly nice. But she made the initial meeting where we were so nervous (and they'd kept us hanging for weeks already) so hard....then to top it all, being hugely overweight, asked to use the bathroom and broke the toilet seat. Insult to injury! 

We just made all the right noises, nodded like nodding dogs, and said what they wanted to hear. 

I hope tomorrow brings you great news about little blue xx


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## Starmaker73 (Jun 28, 2013)

Good luck for tomorrow, JesP.  How horrible of them to make you feel so bad.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

What muppets it's a total lack of skills. You can make these things as awful as possible but it is in no one's interest.  Sw obviously just doesn't have the skills to help put people at ease so is horrible instead x x


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## Flash123 (Jan 29, 2006)

Jesp, I'm so sorry you have had to endure this unacceptable and simply awful experience. Hoping that today they behave in the professional manner in which they should have and you get the news you desire.

Our lo was also from a neighbouring la. Our sw had worked with them previously and when she told us about him she said "he's a gift, it's just a shame he's from ****". On many occasions she warned us about them which is shocking. The la we went with were outstanding, if 1 can be they all can be. Especially when you consider this could understanderbly  put you off considering them for a potential match and a lo could potentially lose a forever family. X


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Thank you for the replies!

A good night of sleep has made me feel less upset and angry.

We are very lucky that our SW is such a gem. She got quite cross once the FF & SW had left as she's very protective of us.

She's going to be speaking to the FF between 9-9.30am but I don't know if that's when we'll find out what's happening.

Wish us luck!


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

Masses of love and luck


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## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

Good luck today hun. thinking of you.  

Skyblu.xxxx


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## crazyspaniel (Sep 12, 2012)

Good luck, hope you hear something soon x


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Omg! How much stress do they want us to deal with? !

They do want to continue with us but a potential issue has come up with some bf members they weren't aware of. 

More waiting. This time until Tuesday.


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## Jacks girl (Aug 7, 2011)

Good luck JesP. I do wonder why some of them are in the job sometimes when they act in such a manner.   Hope it all comes good for you. FX xx


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## MummyAuntieKatie (Oct 18, 2012)

I'm sorry to say (and I've said it before) that some of the people involved in SS seem to feel like they are doing you a huge favour by deigning to consider you for a child.  I see it completely differently in that it's a mutually beneficial process and everyone should support each other.  I did often get the impression some of the 'professionals' we met were on a power trip and took themselves far too seriously.

Fingers cross you can get all this sorted and this is your LO xxx


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

I agree fully MummyAuntieKatie! It's the first time I've had contact with any SWs other than our own team (all of whom are lovely!). Our SW said she told them off for making us feeling bad at the end of it. And if she had known there was a complication, she would have suggested rearranging the appointment so we had all the information. 

I just feel that they keep moving the goalposts! We decided not to try any medical treatments to get pregnant because I didn't want the high risk of m/c. I didn't want to go through that loss, or put my husband through it... And know it feels like we'll be going through something similar with this little one.

The worse thing is when they described him to us, it made us want to meet him all the more. He sounds like a cheeky little chap, who is lively and engaging, very bright and could do so so well in our family!

But as with all things adoption, it's out of our hands.

I'm so glad I have this forum as we've not been allowed to tell any family or friends so I have no one to vent to other than hubby.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

JEsP I know what you mean we have been trying to get through to family and friends how hard this stage is and the reason we aren't bouncing off the walls is because of the potential for hurt etc. 

Really     this goes your way sweetie x x x


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## jka (Sep 16, 2013)

Hi JesP

I have just seen your post and was wondering initially why your SW did not say anything during the meeting. I am glad now that she has told them off.

Are you awaiting a response from them now? Don't let them upset you or treat you like this if you decide to go ahead with this little blue.

Do try not to worry too much. If this LO is destined for you, he will join you no matter what these SW's do... 

Try and keep yourself busy. Plan a good weekend visiting friends or a movie night with DH.  

 xx


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Hi Jka.

We'll have to wait until the middle of next week now for the LOs team to have an official linking meeting. They want to continue with us, it's whether the issues that have come up will allow that. 

I'm keeping fingers and toes crossed, though I think by next week I will have cramp!!

Luckily I'm busy tomorrow, Saturday we have the in-laws over and Sunday is our date day 

J

xx


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## summer girl (Nov 27, 2009)

Good luck JesP, I'm praying that it will work our well for you and your DH, it sounds like you've got a good busy few days ahead of you xxx


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

Goodluck Jess


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

The weekend is still dragging!!!

I feel like life is on hold until Tuesday. We can't plan anything as we don't know what is going on. Went shopping with mother in law yesterday and that was a big mistake. So many cute things for a little boy, especially with Christmas around the corner!!

I don't think SS really think about adopters mental state!

Oooh and to add to the rant, LOs SW & FF actually wanted us to meet BFs BEFORE introductions if we go forward.... Thankfully our SW stepped in and said no...


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I totally agree they don't think for a second about out emotions and the strain they put us under  . I would like to see how they felt if people left them hanging for weeks about things connecting to their children


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

It's ridicules. 

Hubby got cross at them once they left. Especially when they asked me why I choose not to work any more... Clearly tells them in our PAR I was made redundant at the start of our HS. 

It's so frustrating and I feel completely powerless and fed up!!! Worse thing is I'm back on slimming world so can't even have some chocolate!!!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Rubbish!!! We are waiting and have been for nearly a week to see if an SW will release a CPR to us. Profile was sent to our SW and then we asked for CPR for us and they have said nothing back. I just want them to say - if they don't like us then say no so we can stop thinking about these children. 

Went for dinner with friends and their children and kept thinking how they'd fit in. Responding in reasonable time scales is not too much to ask.


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

That's terrible! They shouldn't tell you until they want to go forward and at least show you the CPR!

LOs SW wants to move fairly quickly so if we get a yes, we'll me at matching panel in 3 weeks and intros in 4... But the longer they take to sort themselves out, the less likely that is... And even if it is, we still have to sort out meeting the medical adviser and FC!!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Nightmare no time for blumming heel dragging hope they sort it ASAP it's the last thing we need after everything we have already dealt with x x x


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Our link has been dissolved!

BM bought an offensive weapon and extended family live locally. Decided it's too much of a risk to LO and to us to continue.

I'm actually strangely calm about it... I don't think LO was ever meant to be ours!

Thanks for all the love and support ladies xxx


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

So sorry Jes, although your attitude is brilliant. Massive   to you. It'll all make sense once you do find your baby xxxx


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Oh Jes, you poor thing! I'm glad your SW is supporting you.  The meeting with BF shouldn't really happen until you're okay to leave LO with someone else, and you've settled together and know what you want to ask, and hear about.  What numpties to try and get it all tidied away at the beginning.  Grrrr.  (((((hugs)))))


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

I think hubby may be having a hard time with this... Has anyone ever had a link dissolved... Advise?

I don't want to pause from having SW look for other links as nothing will happen this side of Christmas really so I think that's plenty of time to deal with it.

Why does this have to be so complicated?!


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

yeah we had a link that slipped away..someone (cant even remember who now) in BF had moved too close to us. You've the right attitude, this child wasnt meant for you..yours is out there waiting still. 
luckily for us 2 days later we were linked with our DD..her sw said she had been waiting with baited breath to see if the previous link worked because she truly believed we were right for DD..so as soon as it had been shelved she made her move!


kj x


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I think KJ has given the perfect advice. This will hurt and I am really sorry for your loss. You need to lick your wounds and grieve it but I personally wouldn't want to take time out from looking. Your perfect LO is waiting and will heal all the heart brakes you have been through however that doesn't make today any less painful and I am sending lots of hugs


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## flickJ (Feb 9, 2012)

I am so sorry Jess, my heart goes out to you ........ but I do believe your perfect child is just around the corner for you!!


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## Primmer (May 1, 2012)

Big hugs Jess   sure you will find your lo soon xx


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

I've just replied to your other post Jess (regarding be my parent).

I'm so sorry this has happened, it seems that you are emotionally stronger than your DH and so I would give him more time, he needs to grieve.

I would carry on though, let your SW look for more profiles/let more profiles come to you and see what happens - it could be a few days or it could be weeks.  Your DH doesn't have to be actively looking just yet.

Paul xx


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Thanks for the support Pauliboo!

He's much better today. We had an evening to ourselves last night. I think the issue was the fact it went from 0-60 and then it all stopped suddenly! He's been so guarded throughout the process, not wanting to get too excited before it actually happens, and then her lets his guard down because we have this exciting link. And as soon as we get invested, it's all over!

We'll get there in the end I'm sure!


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## SummerTilly (Aug 14, 2013)

Good luck Jess - I'm sure that the space created by this link dissolving means that there is another LO out there who is just perfect for you and your DH. 

Good in a way that your DH is feeling emotional about it - it's a sign that he really wants it


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## Jules11 (Jun 21, 2011)

Hi Jess,

Really sorry this didn't work out.  

We had a link fall through in March this year just before matching panel.  Like your situation it was due to safety reasons. A very dangerous and notorious family living not far enough away,  added into the mix a LO with a very distinctive name  that SW's refused to consider changing.  LO SW actually felt the name had been given to LO to enable her to be traced in the future.  

At the time I felt I could have coped with the risks was devastated.  With hindsight it was the right decision.  Constantly looking over my shoulder would have caused us all considerable stress.  I still think about that LO and I hope with all my heart a safe family was found for her.  It really did hurt and I felt like I'd lost a child - we knew so much about her and had seen photos,  she was very real to us.

A few weeks after we heard all about our DD, things really did fall into place quickly and she came home in July.  I do believe things happen for a reason and I'm glad they happened as they did despite the pain and heartache along the way.

Fingers crossed some good news will come your way soon.

Jules xx


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Thanks for your message Jules!

I really do believe/know it is for the best. I live very very close to the town centre and wouldn't want to be living a life where I was worried LOs BF would find them. 

Hubby will get there! It's just not been the best week. Along with the link failing through, our central heating isn't working so he's worried about that and I broke my mobile so need to pay the excess on insurance.


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