# surrogacy arrangments



## jackira (Sep 24, 2008)

Hi all only just new to this and i dont know a whole lot about surrogacy so bare with me if i dont know all the right terms. I've been thinking for a while that i'd like to maybe be a surrogacy i've done a bit of research but i haven't found answers to a few of my questions and was hoping that someone could help me before i contacted an agency. I know the agency would be the best to ask but have seen mixed reviews on them so just wanted to wait a while. So what i want to know is that if i become a surrogacy where i donate my eggs is it possible for me to be able to have limited contact with the baby?? I can of course understand that a lot of parents wouldn't want me to be involved, if it was the other way around i'm not sure that i would like the idea of it either but after a lot of thinking about this i'm not 100% sure that i could handle knowing that somewhere i have a biological child out there. I'm not talking about turning up without arrangments just small things like for their birthdays, christmas, first school play regular photo's ect Also is there anything legally that you can do have this arrangment, not saying that anyone would do this but what if we did arrange this and then a few months later the parents changed there mind what legal position would i be in. Has anyone any experience of this i'd like to hear what happened and what you had agreed on. Sorry i went on a bit.


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## Amandajb (Sep 6, 2007)

Jackira

Firstly, well done for even considering being a surrogate.  Its is, in my opinion, one of the most selfless acts a woman can do.  But its not for everyone.

As I'm sure you know, there are two types of surrogacy arrangement - Straight (or traditional) and Host (or gestational).

If you are a straight surrogate, it is perfectly acceptable to request of the parents a photograph every year of the child.  Many IPs expect this sort of request and it is often done as a gesture of goodwill, even without a formal request.  However, this is not legally enforceable and yet another reason why friendship is so important in these cases.

But I'm a little concerned that you're not 100% sure you can handle there being a biologically related child out there that you're not in contact with.  As surrogates, we go into surrogacy knowing that the child we are helping to bring into the world is NOT ours.  Biologically or not.

Have you thought about doing host?  That way, the child would not be biologically related to you whatsoever.  Many couples will still honour the yearly photograph arrangement - maybe worth thinking about?

I would say before you do anything make sure you have it straight in your own mind how you feel.  Having been down the host and straight route, personally I feel no different about either child.  They are other people's children - its as simple as that.

But having said all of this, what you are saying, and what you are concerned about, are very normal reservations.  Before you go into surrogacy for the first time, you do not know 100% how you will feel when it comes down to it.  All you can do is search within yourself and be honest.  Far better to bail out now, than go into it without thinking it through.

There is no 'agencies' as such here in the UK, but both COTS and SUK are excellent organisations that could maybe answer some of your queries. Alternatively, you could continue posting on here, or go to one of the smaller online communities who may be of assistance.  By speaking to experienced surrogates like myself, you will get a better feel of how surrogates and IPs tick together. I hope other surrogates will add to what I've said and give their own opinions and thoughts.

I wish you all the best.  There is no right or wrong answers - only whats in you. Feel free to PM me if you want to.

Good Luck!

Take care


Amanda


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## jackira (Sep 24, 2008)

Hi Amanda

Thanks for reply and your advice. I have no problem being a host for someone i would do that tomorrow to help someone have a child, being a mother of 2 myself and from a young age knowing that i always wanted a family i cant imagine what it's like for couples who cant have children, my kids are my life and i couldn't live without them. When i said i wasn't 100% sure i meant in relation to if i was biologically related to the child and knowing that a part of me was out there somewhere and i couldn't have any contact. Thats why i wondered if there was legally any way of me being able to see the child from time to time. But since you said that this isn't possible maybe thats not the best route for me to go down and i'm better off just being a host. It may seem a bit harsh for me to say this but i dont mean it the way i know it's going to sound but being a host would mean nothing to me in the way that it's not my child, of course i'd want the best for the child but it's not mine i'm just a baby sitter for 9 months looking after someone elses baby, i know i would have no problem handing the child over and emotionally i would be fine. If the parents never wanted contact with me again i would respect that and i know i'd be able to move on with my life and be happy that i was able to give that gift to a couple. The reason i wanted to look into the other route was it's seemed to me from what i've read that most couples are looking for a straight surrogacy ( i hope thats the right term ) I think maybe i will look into the host way a bit more cause without 100% guarantee that i could keep in touch with the parents and the baby i dont think i'd be comfortable. There no guarantee's that the parents wouldn't change there mind and if they do there's nothing that i can do to stop them. In your opinion what do you think is the best way for me to go forward with this in regards to finding a couple that i can help. As i'm aware i cant advertise myself cause thats illegal but i want to make sure that for who ever i do this for they are for real. I've heard of couples doing this because the woman just doesn't want to be pregnant and have to worry about her figure!!! I wouldn't be interested in helping someone for those reasons.


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