# Annoyed by my clean bill of health



## smc81 (Oct 26, 2011)

So I've been pregnant 3 times. I've miscarried 3 times. I'm going through this alone, no partner to hold my hand through this.
I've been to a miscarriage specialist where I had numerous blood tests for just about every cause of recurrent miscarriage. All came back fine, in fact I'm very healthy. It's so frustrating, I wanted there to be something, something. Easy to deal with but there's still no explanation about why my babies all died. Now I have to pay a small fortune to get tested for killer cells in my womb.
I just to know what's wrong with me!
That's bit true, I want to know but I want to get pregnant, be a mum. My personal circumstances mean that this isn't feasible right now. I hate it. My life is passing me by and I am still in the same position I was 10 years ago. But now time is no longer on my side. I'm alone, childless and miserable. And there's no ought at the end of the tunnel as far as I can see.


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## Buttongirl14 (Oct 25, 2013)

I just wanted to say that I hope you're alright, I understand that it must be frustrating not knowing what's going on. Sorry I can't really offer any advice, I just wanted you to know that someone is thinking of you.


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## smc81 (Oct 26, 2011)

Thanks buttongirl. I saw my gp yesterday and he suggested I have some sort of counselling. I find it telly hard to talk about it all but I think he could be right. So that's the next step because I'm not fine, I put on a good act with everyone around me but it's getting too hard.

S x


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## Buttongirl14 (Oct 25, 2013)

It sounds like your GP is taking good care of you, it's not just about your physical health but about your mental health and wellbeing as well. It's important to remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength and it's a good thing to ask for help and support through this.


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## DE43 (Jun 12, 2012)

SMC
I am so sorry you are going through this.  It is very hard and when you're on your own I can only imagine how isolating it feels.  My dh and I feel very isolated in our little infertility/baby loss bubble and sometimes we struggle to communicate with each other but behind it all we are there for each other so I am doubly sorry you are going through this alone.

As the others have said your GP sounds like he has your "whole" health in mind, and not just the physical stuff.

What I wanted to say was that about three months after I lost my baby in 2010 I went for counselling and it was the best move I ever made.  Is not an overnight fix and you do need to strike up a rapport with the counsellor but it really helped me get things in perspective.  Time has helped and the pain isn't as raw as it was three years ago but some days are still tough.  However immediately after I lost my baby the pain and heart break was bad, as you well know, and the counselling helped me find a way of "living with" the grief and pain.

So I would urge you to take this help and if you and the counsellor don't hit it off initially, give it a second go, and if still it isn't working for you, then ask for another counsellor.

Big hugs to you  

DE
X


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## Lollyj (Jul 28, 2013)

I just posted something similar, although I haven't gone through nearly as much as you. I know how you feel. Sometimes the not knowing is awful as you just feel so powerless and frustrated. Sometimes the things people say to make it better, like if you just relax or stop stressing, just make it ten times worse. I think going to a councillor is a really good idea. Having someone to talk to or even just a room to cry in for an hour can really take some of the weight off. You poor soul. Huge big hugs and positive thoughts.


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