# Sorry just need to rant



## daisyboo (Apr 5, 2005)

Well after having my BFN on 11th May my SIL told me she was expecting again the same time my baby(s) would of been due which will be on my 30th Birthday, she then told me it didn't take her long to conceive then moanrd how she wouldn't fit into her bikini on holiday and how much she was looking forward to Sangria  i feel a total C ow because i can't be happy for her, i don't want to be round her at the moment as it reminds me of my failed cycle  . I am so depressed at the moment and i'm a total blubering wreck.
Also my grandad is in hospital with cancer i just can't take anymore i feel like my head is about to explode.
There feel much better.


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## MissSunshine (Apr 2, 2006)

DaisyBoo 

You are completely within your rights to be a little pis*ed, I would be to!! You need time to grieve, we all do when we don't get the result that we wish for. Personally I think your SIL is being a bit insensitive, did she know about tx? We would do anything to not fit into our bikinis or have to drink fruit juice rather than Sangria! My best friend has recently got together with a guy after being in a serious relationship for 5yrs(the outcome of that a beautiful little girl) with this new guy she just had to tell me that they were being sooooooo careless with their bedroom antics, but it could be the 'worst time ever if I fell pregnant' I actually felt like giving her a little slap!!(or a big one  ) She told me this halfway through my cycle of tx!(which in the end was a negative) Thanks!!!!! So don't be to hard on yourself for feeling like this, I think it's totally normal. 

Please know I'm here to chat, and if you need to just yell!!

Love to you, Rhonda.xxx


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Hi Daisy
So sorry you are feeling so down honey, just wanted to send you a big  

That was definitely a bit insensitive of your SIL - did she know about your tx?  At my last treatment my cousin was my known donor, she wanted to help me as she didn't want any more children etc etc.  Anyway, she rang me last week to tell me she was pregnant - complete accident, didn't really want it and all that!  God, can't tell you how that made me feel  

You are not alone honey, we all know just how hard it is to pick yourself up after a BFN.  I got BFN in Sept 05 and again last month and I am still grieving now, even though we have another chance with FET at the end of this month.  I don't think it ever goes away completely honey we just somehow learn to live with it.  You must feel awful worrying about your grandad too  

Take care honey
Love
Tracy


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## Mrs-GG (Feb 9, 2005)

So sorry to hear you are feeling blue Daisy. To be frank your SIl sounds like a bit of an insensitive mare... but I can say that as I am not family!!

Hang in there and cocoon (?) yourself with love from DH I say.  Have you made any plans for another cycle.

Hope your grandad gets through this ok.

love helen


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## daisyboo (Apr 5, 2005)

Hi Ladies thanks for your kind words,
Yes my SIL new about both our TX which makes it worse with her moaning,
I just feel that it's not normal to be like this i was such a happy go lucky person before we knew we had IF issues and now i'm a totaly different person and i don't like me much.
I want to be that person i used to be but i know i will never be her again.
I have to find something to preocupy myself 
No more plans for TX really don't have the funds at the moment so it will probably be next year  which makes it worse were looking at going abroad maybe Turkey, who knows.
Big hugs to you all


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## Jess75 (Nov 4, 2005)

Daisy Boo

I can totally sympathise and know how tough you must be finding things right now.  I miscarried after my longed for bfp and 4wks and 6 days - during the cycle we found out my fil had cancer, we later lost him 2 weeks fter my m/c, one of my best mates then announced on the day I would have been 12 weeks pregnant that she was 11 weeks pregnant.  My mother also now needs a kidney transplant and that all happened through my miscarriage.  Some days I would open my eyes and just lye there not even wanting to get out of bed - the days seemed so bleak.  I am not saying in a few weeks everything will be fine but time is a healer and very slowly the days start to get a little brighter.  I still cant face my pregnant friend and I feel she is avoiding me but I have to do what makes it easiest for me to cope right now - and you hve to do the same.  Some times in life things just happen to be thrown at us at the same time making it so hard to cope, your sil will have no idea how you are feeling and perhaps it  may be a good idea to talk to her about it and how you feel about your loss - I dont know if that is something you feel you could do.  If you need to talk please IM me - dont bottle it all up xxx


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## sarahx (Feb 6, 2006)

Hi Daisy

My heart goes out to you..  I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I can only say that so many of us are going through this pain and coming up against people who are too wrapped up in themselves to consider what you might be going through. Those people will always be there I'm afraid , I guess we have to try to find ways for it not to cut so deep ... now if only we had the answer to that. I really feel so sorry for you, you shouldn't have to go through such pain ...

I think I am at the same clinic as you and had a BFN in May. Wil they not carry on with your treatment there on the NHS? at least til you get some money saved up for private? I don't know if hearing about others can really console you at all but if it does ; picture me today unable to get round Sainsburys cos I was weeping so much.. I was a pathetic sight indeed!! that was the first time the mask slipped for me in public.. and i was scared for myself.

what you said about feeling a different person really struck a chord with me.. I find myself getting so depressed and not only mourning the fact that we cannot have a biological child together but mourning a part of myself that I have lost now.. it is definetly a happier and more innocent self that I have lost.. I am afraid sometimes that I will stay angry and bitter forever..

Please let me know how you are getting on , I hope to meet you and Lisa (gilmot) in the future so we can discuss things.. if you would like to meet up for a coffee at anytime just let me know.. sometimes talking to some fresh ears can be therapeutic.. 

having a very wobbly week but sending you lots of love..  

Sarah


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## daisyboo (Apr 5, 2005)

Thanks Ladies sometimes you think your the only person in the world to be going g through this and it's lonely,yes we have family around us but they don't know what it feels like inside, what goes through our minds.
I went to MIL for a BBQ last weekend and my SIL was there my dear niece went up to DH and said DA DA and it ripped right through my heart thinking what if he never gets called DA DA or i never get called Mummy.
I really need to focus on the future but it's hard when your life is blighted with IF i never just wake up now and think of the day ahead my first thoughts are IF 
Well an update on my granddad the cancer is inoperable so he is going to find out next week how long he has, he's 88 and so full of life it just seems so cruel 

Sarahx I've Pm'd you we have already had our free TX and as we only get one go thats it I'm afraid,

Jess I'm so sorry for your loss i know what you mean about not getting out of bed in the morning i just think whats the point.
I hope things start changing for us and we can start to turn a corner surely our lives are not destined to be full of grief,
Sending you and your Mum lots of            
Thanks Ladies 
Leila x


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