# Question about adoption over 45 after IVF baby



## StrawberrySundae (Jan 30, 2017)

Hi this is just a query out of interest, as I’m still pregnant with my first IVF baby after a lot of attempts and will be 45 when baby is due. 

How possible is adoption of a baby or toddler when you’ve already got one? My DH is getting less keen on the idea now I’m finally hopefully successfully pregnant, due to letters to & contact with birth parents that we’ve heard about (me neither, I don’t fancy that) and I’m not happy with the idea of a social worker contacting past exes if you’ve been married before & they had children etc. 

Just wondering if this will still be a feasible option for us if we wanted a sibling in the next few years? We don’t have any frosties left and not sure we could face any more IVF! Otherwise we may have to stick with one and be grateful!

Thank you x


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## Ms G (Aug 4, 2014)

Hi StrawberrySundae,

We haven’t adopted so I’m not experienced in this but I did attend an adoption information event this week and I’m happy to share what I learnt. 

Our local authority likes the adopted child to be the youngest and with at least a two year age gap to other children in the family. I spoke to one of the social workers. My daughter is 18 months and the SW suggested I wait until our daughter is three years old before applying. I think the wait is also partly to ensure that families better understand the needs of the existing children in the family before embarking on adoption. Different local authorities may have different guidelines. 

Contacting ex partners and family seemed to be something that they were quite sensitive about. They said that they understand the relationship may not have ended well etc but I also got the impression that apart from exceptional circumstances it would be part of the assessment. I’m really not keen on this part either. I don’t have the best relationship with my mum and I worry that it would affect the outcome. 

There is no upper age limit so if you decide to go ahead then you may be matched with a baby or toddler. You have to undergo health checks and they want to see that you are healthy and able to see the child to adulthood (not that anyone can guarantee what will happen to them in the future) 

I’m 41 and I don’t want to have more treatment. That said, I don’t know that adoption will be the right thing for us. I’m leaning more to the side of accepting we won’t have more children and being happy in our wonderful family of three. 

Best of luck with your little one and enjoy all those cuddles. 

Ms G. x


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## StrawberrySundae (Jan 30, 2017)

Hi Ms G, thanks I really appreciate that!   

Yes that’s along the lines of what I thought was the case. Although nice to know we could still be matched with a younger LO (childhood doesn’t last that long in the big scheme of things, so I’d want to make the most of it). I’ve not been to an information evening but previously started gathering info and had a couple of initial phone calls. 

I think I’ll see how we feel in a few months and like you may decide to accept our family of three, I don’t know yet. Congratulations on your lovely little one that I can see from your signature you were blessed with last year   

Thanks very much for reaching out and all the best to you too! X


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