# any advice please ?



## casey (Sep 26, 2004)

Hiya
I just wondered if you could give me some advice ? At the moment i am going thru a tough time in work, I am part-timr but my workload recently has been heavier than a full time post. I have spoken to my manager but really i have had to get on with it. Things have come to a head as  have recently been attacked by a client and my colleagues have said I am 'aggressive and unapproachable'. or my part I have found them to be unsupportive and selfish, although I realise now that part of the problem is that my expectations of peopel may have been too high

I know all this is affecting me - i feel very stressed and depressed - got stomach ache, headaches, can't sleep, hair loss, irritable and angry with family etc.I have depression in the past and can't go to my dr as it was brought up at my medical and i had to make it clear that this was in my past 

i am ready to walk out of my job, but our s/w wants a face to face meeting with my manager as part of our H/S, and  so I feel that i have to tread carefully. I am taking St John's wort and herbal sleeping tablets. But I am in work this pm and tbh I feel sick at the thought of it   

Would really appreciate some tips or advice 
caseyxx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

poor you Casey, what a horrible load to be carrying 
firstly is there not some sort of 'support' available to you after being attacked by a client..surely its something that happens quite a lot in your job? your colleagues (who sound very mean to me) arent necessarily the best ones to help you..there must be some sort of professional help offered? being physically attacked must have traumatised you and would no doubt be contributing to how you are feeling at the moment...
failing getting any help at work, or maybe additionally, could you maybe get yourself a few sessions of independant counselling (meaning your dr wouldnt have to know) so that you have a place to lay out all your worries and problems so that they're not stacking up inside your head. it sounds like you need some good qualified ears to talk to, someone who can help you see the way through all this. you dont want to be packing in your job right now, but you maybe could do with some help to pick apart what your main problems are and how you can deal with them best
lastly, and i dont mean this to sound trite,get away from this computer screen and get outside for a walk on this beautiful morning, just for a little while, get some sun and warmth on your face, breathe in the spring air, look at the daffs, sometimes things seem different in the sunshine....

i feel for you, i hope you can find a way through all this poo
lots of love,

kj x


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## casey (Sep 26, 2004)

Thanks KJ - just got back from a run in the park with dh and the dog - unfortunately was sick half way thru coz my stomach is so knotted -I will look intocounselling but i need something to get me thru today and the rest of this week - and would it look awful for the adoption if i did resign ? 

anyway thanks for your reply
caseyx


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Morning Casey

So sorry you're in such turmoil. I can recognise your symptoms - clearly point to anxiety and stress.

I'd agree with KJ, a session or two of counselling would really help (from personal experience), just getting things off your chest can help. I understand that you're worried for the short time, while waiting for an appointment. I would speak with someone before you go to work today, ie. your sw. I know at times they can seem like "God" but they are just human like me and you, and want the best for you. I think speaking through your problem with your sw will (or should) give you the first piece of important support. I wouldn't resign immediately without speaking with someone first. Grit your teeth, and keep in mind that you're doing this for your future child. 

Get on the phone now and make that call, just tell them that you're needing to speak to him/her immediately.

Lots of hugs and best wishes xx
Thinking of you x


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

hi Casey

what a predicament you are in sweetheart.

first thought that struck me is can you do without your job? - financially i mean.
if you can't then we really have to think of a way to get you through this nasty patch you are currently in.  How do you actually get on with your manager? does he know about this attack and what is he/she doing about it? perhaps you need to approach your manager and TELL them you need some support. sometimes after a good chat things look better - could you perhaps ring them before you have to go in this afternoon and chat about it on the phone - might be easier not sure.

if you truly can't face going in you could ring in sick but i think perhaps you may get even more churned up - but don't forget hunny you do have a choice!

you could also ring sw and talk about your issues at work.

i am going to send you a message

hang fire

LB
X


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## Guest (Mar 14, 2007)

Hi Cassey

Poor you I do feel for you! I had something similar while doing my 1nd tx, I had a job I actually liked but there were always problems in the team (before I arrived, so they sort of put me between the fighting parties). When I started tx manager promised support but actually made my life hell. So in teh end I was so stressed I actully packed up the job when I was on sick leave for stress. If, as LB says, you can actually do without your job financially, at least for a time before you find something else, I would just quit. 
I felt that quitting was the best thing I did to myself, because the unsupportive attitude during tx they had was just the tip of the iceberg of things before. it sounds as if the attack and the unsupportive attitude you get from colleagues is just too much for you. Your health is more important than anything, you have yourself to look after and your family. I wouldn't think it should matter for adoption (sorry don't know from experience but it seems logical to me), as long as maybe your partner works or you have other means of support of benefits etc. 
What I think will make you feel better is actually knowing you have the choice to qit, so it can make you more confident this pm. Then I would sit now with a piece of paper and make a list of whta you want to say in that meeting. Not accusations, just explaining how things are for you: the aweful attack and how you felt, the fact you had no immediate support and this leads to you feeling anxious, and if the manager is at all a decent person than also the other personal stuff that's making life more difficult. Say that you'd love to keep on working with them but you just need extra support, which is good for them at the end of the day it means you'll do your job better. And they should protect you, no-one should be attacked at work! It's not for you to feel guilty, they should feel guilty they didn't protect you!!
Another thing you could do is go to occupational health, if you have such a dept at work. I did that and they explained what my options were (in my case it was going part-time, but then my boss gave me grief about going part-time although initially agreed, but at least they had some advice). Your boss shouldn't know this means depression if you don't want them to know, you should just say that you wanted advice about how to deal with the attack and how to prevent such attacks happening or how to deal with them more effectively if they do. 
Hope things work out hun, sending you lots of hugs. I know how you feel, a few months after I had that bad time at work I actually had a m/c recently and suffered a lot from panic attacks and depression, it's horrid. I do hope you find a way forward and feel better soon  

Rivka x


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## sanita (Oct 27, 2005)

Hello Casey

You were so kind to me recently I just had to reply to you.

My advice, for what it is worth, would be to try and avoid resigning or visiting your Dr if at all possible.  I can imagine that both of these steps could cause you difficulties during the adoption process.  I favour the idea that some of the others have suggested and try and get some private counselling.  

I have had some very anxious phases whilst we have been going through the adoption process and it really does heap more pressure on when we are having to be so careful not to show any cracks for fear of jeopardising our chances of adopting. 

My part time job was very full time last year.  After Christmas I asked for a meeting with my line manager and told her I was over loaded.  Her answer to this was that I could work more hours, but I don't want this, I want a part time job with a part time work load.  I stopped trying to keep up, stopped putting in the extra hours and began only doing what I could.  This is very difficult if you are the kind of person that sets high standards for yourself as it goes totally against the grain, but within 3 weeks, it became obvious to my line manager that I was falling further and further behind and she has eased off on my work load.  I can not tell you how much difference this has made to the way I feel in and out of work.  

I would also suggest you take some of your holiday entitlement.  I had been saving my holiday for introductions, visits from family finders etc, but again I realised this was putting unnecessary pressure on me and recently DH and I have enjoyed a couple of long weekends away.

Be kind to yourself, try and ease up on those high standards you set yourself (I need to take my own advice there), but if at all possible try and keep your job and keep out of the Dr's surgery.  Obviously if things reach crisis point I take all of that back.  Your health is paramount.

I wish you luck and hope you find a resolution, it really is horrible living with stress, especially when it's work related, we all know we don't get paid enough for that .

Sanita


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## casey (Sep 26, 2004)

Thank you for advice and kind words - i have a meeting with manager tomorrow and s/w has a meeting with manager next week - I know i want to quit and could afford it but i am so desperate not to let anything jeopardise the adoption - doing the job i do, i know how things can be construed and how its viewed in assessments - will let you know how i get on tomorrow 
thnaks again caseyxxxx


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

Good Luck for your meeting today casey 

kj x


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

morning casey 

hope you have a successful meeting today - you know where i am if you want a gas!

LB
X


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## casey (Sep 26, 2004)

Thanks LB - had my meeting , my manager was slightly frosty at first but was quite sympathetic by the end and said she would give adoption s/w a very good report about me. I still need to sort everything else out but that was main worry and I guess i can hang on now until the HS is complete
I am now looking for counselling and i will be going for some acupuncture to try and help with the immediate stress  

thanks again for your support - really appreciated on tuesday when it felt as tho the world was caving in on my head !!!!

caseyxxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Casey

Working in HR I see this quite alot (from both sides).  On a personal note I am currently covering for antoher member of staff on top of my already more than full time workload.  Like Sanita this has got too much so rather than try and live up to my normal high standards I am now operating at normal speed rather than constantly in the fast lane.

Sounds to me that there needs to be some post incident support for you following the attack.  Does your SS not do this as a matter of routine?  Certainly the advice about counselling is one I would consider.

Exercise is always a good way of ridding the cobwebs and getting your head together.  Yoga is really good for having some you time and helps to feel calm.

I am glad to hear the meeting went ok today and hope things improve for you soon

Karen x


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