# New to ff, need an ear to her me out



## Nk (May 17, 2010)

Hi 

I am new to FF. I just discovered it today while scouring the net  on issues of ethics relating to use of sperm donation for couples unable to conceive. My concerns relate to ethical dilemmas put forward by religious and other groups regarding how ethical it is to introduce donor sperm into the equation of having a family. The argument being that a third party, albeit an anonymous one comes between the couple, then there is the bonding of the child to the father who is not the biological father - how to deal with those issues. Also do you tell the child, and when do you tell the child

Personally I believe that when an informed decision is taken by the couple in a sober and clear manner, the issue of a third party coming between the couple should not come into play. However I can see the fears a parent may have if the child asks to find out who the biological father is....As for telling the child I belive the child should be told  but the question is when and how do you tell them Also there are concerns about other members of the family, ie the couples siblings grandparents and so on being informed....

Hope to hear the experiences of others that could help me....

Best
NK


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## olivia m (Jun 24, 2004)

Hi NK
All the big issues you raise have been addressed many times on FF and elsewhere, but of course remain important and relevant for each individual/couple.  Suggest you read lots of back postings, particularly on the permanent thread towards the top of this section on Telling the Child about Donor.  You will also find lots of information and help, particularly around 'telling' issues on our website www.dcnetwork.org
Best wishes
Olivia


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## Lentil (Jun 3, 2008)

Hi NK 

I live in Spain and here egg/sperm donation are anonymous by law and therefor we dont have the dilemma of telling or not for the fear of the donor somehow finding us. It is a very personal choice however we wont be telling our son that he is from donor egg. 

As Olivia says please read back and look through older posts as there are lots of argument for both scenarios posted on here. 
Good luck with your decisions.
L
xxx


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## Nk (May 17, 2010)

Thank you both, I will start reading some of the older posts as you suggest.
N


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