# Hi - Mind if I join you?



## Angelmummy (Jan 28, 2008)

Hi all

After 6 years of trying we have come to the end of the road in our quest for a baby. 

I have just suffered my eigth miscarriage. I have just got back from hospital 

I always got pg easily but suffered:

MMC12 wks
MMC 9 wks
MC 6 wks
MC 5 wks
Referred to miscarriage clinic - diagnosed with blood clot problem
MMC 12 wks (on aspirin)
MC 6 wks (aspirin & Heparin)
MC 5 wks
Diagnosed with high FSH - early menopause - only hope IVF with donor egg. Started down this route then got MIRACLE BFP!
On Heparin , aspirin, Progesterone & predisilone. MMC at 9 weeks. no longer a heartbeat. just had my darling baby taken away again 

Just can not face anymore. not doing the IVF. Obviously can not carry a baby. Heartbroken  This was what i wanted out of life. what on earth am i going to do

Do not 'fit in' anywhere. all my friends have kids  am isolated

hanging onto sanity ny a very thin thread

 

Love angelmummy
xxx


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## Natalie01 (Jun 10, 2007)

Hi,

I would like to be the first to welcome you to our group.  I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through and I am sure that some of the ladies here can relate directly to your experience.  Just take one step at a time and ensure that the decisions that you make are right for both yourself and DH.

Big hugs

 

Natalie


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hello Angelmummy,

Of course you are welcome to join us.

I hope that my reply will help you to know that you are not alone and that life can be good again.

I appreciate what you have been going through as my experience is very similar with 7 misarriages, six from natural pregancies and the last one from a "successsful" IVF 

I fully expected my first pregnancy to result in a baby and was totally unprepared for miscarriage. The medics tried to reassure me with statistics about how 1 in 3 pregnancies end up in miscarriage, It took me a while to appreciate that this did not mean all I had to do was get pregnant again to have a baby but that the statistics meant that some women would have babies every time they got pregnant but others would miscarry everytime. Evn when I understood that on an intellectual level, I kept thinking I could not be that unlucky, maybe a better diet, more rest, more exercise, less stress, this or that variation on a healthier lifestyle would make all the difference.

I imagine we share the experience of how each pregnancy brought a mixure of hope and dread. I tried to hold on to hope each time I got pregnant. After 6 miscarrriages the fertility clinic encouraged me to believe that  a myomectomy followed by a "managed" IVF pregnancy was very likely to succeed. My diminishing hopes went right up again until the last of 4 IVF attempts resulted in my 7th pregnancy and 7th miscarriage at around the same time as I had lost al my other babies.

A lot of time has passed since then and I can honestly say I am happy wih my life again. It was not easy to get here, but it is possible. For a while I felt isolated too as all my friends seemed to be having children. This isolation has passed with time as I have made new friends through work and leisure and many of them have no children. (Some are gay, some single, some have chosen not to have children and one has also been through IF.) And as for the friends who had children -  the best were sensitive when my pain was raw and are still friends. Sad to say that some who were lucky with fertility have sometimes suffered in other ways (divorce, bereavement, serious illness) and I have been able to take my turn at supporting them.  

If you have read on this board before you will know we keep saying the same things, but that is because they are things that can help! 

Start off with allowing yourself to grieve both for your miscarried babies and for the loss of your dream to have a family.

Don't feel you have to make any big decisions or lifechanges in a hurry. Take it slowly and maybe some ideas of what you want to do with your life will emerge. It may, but need not be, a whole new ambition. It could just be about concentrating on the things you have always enjoyed and the people you like to be with. But right now it's very early days. Try not to think to far ahead, but take each day at a time, trying to find some little ways everydayto nurture yourself, your partner and your relationship. You need to be gentle with yourself and make sure you get support from people who understand. If friends and family are not enough, come here where you will find understanding. The Misarriage Association may help too.

Keep in touch when you need us,

Love Jq xxx


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

((((angelmummy)))) I read you post and I just don't know what to say to you except I'm really sorry for all those losses. There is nothing I can say that will bring them back - and there is the pain. Like the others say - it is early days after your recent loss. And in my experience the losses kind of add up, increasing the burden of grief each time. You must allow yourself time and space to grieve. Don't listen to anyone who tells you to 'get over it' or 'pull your socks up' and that includes yourself - be easy on yourself. Look how hard you tried to have that baby - all the tests, taking heparin, aspirin - no one could have tried harder. Acknowledge that courage you showed. I know very well what it is like to not fit in and be surrounded by people with families. But perhaps in time you will find a new path to follow. Believe me, it is possible to have a fulfilling life without children. Right now you won't see it as you are still grieving your losses - and it is right that you do that. But in time the hurt will become more manageable - I promise. 
At the end of your post you have a telling remark "hanging on to sanity by a very thin thread". And that is how grief is - it's a kind of madness, it affects every aspect of your life. It comes in waves, but gradually the waves are not so fierce. That is my experience. Please continue to post here as the ladies are very supportive. We've been to the place where you are - and we have come through it. You will too.
Bernie xxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Hi Angelmummy

I am so sorry for all that you have been through and the losses of your babies. Its difficult enough losing a baby, and isolating too when, as you say, all those close to you have families of their own.

You have given everything your all honey, so its understandable that you are grief stricken right now. As the other wise ladies have said, take some much needed time out for yourself and give yourself space for grieving - and let the course of grief run for however long it takes. 

Thinking of you  
Much love

Emcee x


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## Griselda (Jan 24, 2006)

AngelMummy

I just wanted to say how incredibly brave I think you are.  You have been through so much.  

Although those words don't seem to offer much.  Sorry.  

Welcome to our 'merry' little band.  We'll all get through this somehow and at least we have each other.



G x


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## Guest (Jun 5, 2008)

Anglemummy,

Just wanted to give you abhig   and say how sorry I am for your losses. Words cannot express the pain. I know some of what you (and JQ) have been through sadly, having been through 5 m/cs all at the same stage. 

You will find that you have better days and worse days, give yourself time to grieve and / or distract yourself, take care of yourself and Dh - you've been through a lot together and your relationship had stood the test which is something to celebrate (I know DH and me are very grateful for it). Hopefully with time you'll find the best way forward for you.

Take care,

Rivka x


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## stacey p (Jun 5, 2008)

Dear Anglemummy 

I have just read your posting and I felt compelled to write a reply.

I am so sorry to hear about all that you have been through.  I know I speak for many members when I say that I think you are extremley brave.  I know that these words probably feel a bit meaningless to you at the moment but I hope that you will come to realise how strong you actually are.

Take it all one day at a time and things will get easier for both you and your hubby.

Take care of each other.

Lots of love and hugs 

Stacey P xx


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