# Criminal record



## Diane71 (Mar 9, 2013)

We have started the adoption process and I have a couple of big worries !!! 

My main worry is that 2011 while I was going through Ivf I did a very very stupid thing and I'm totall mortified and have no idea why I done this. I feel sick even thinking bout this.

It was a moment of madness
I was caught shop lifting and was giving a fine. The item I stole was a pregnancy test !!!! how ironic.... 

I havnt told the sw I havnt even told my partner. Will this show when I get my disclosure done cause if it won't I just won't volunteer this info, 

Will I tell the sw ?? And if I do will it go against us to adopt. 

I would really like just to keep quiet bout it and put it all behind me.

If I tell the sw do u think there is a chance she can just keep it between me and her 

All I can put this down to is that I was stressed but I don't think my partner will understand this.

I'm so stressed bout it 

Thank you for reading


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Hi Diane,

What a difficult situation for you.

I don't _think_ it's something that, in isolation, will stop you adopting, but I'm almost certain it is going to come up (CRB check). You will definitely need to discuss your state of mind at the time, what has changed, and strategies you have to cope with difficulties in the future. You also will need to tell your husband. Your SW would probably be very concerned if you asked her to keep secrets from your husband, in fact I'm almost certain that would lead to them turning you away. Your SW will right a report on both of you, which both of you will read, and this will be part of it. I would suggest you talk to your husband in the first instance, then both of you tell your SW in the initial meeting. They will view your situation a lot more favourably if you're honest and up front.

I do know a couple of people who've been approved to adopt with criminal records for minor offences, but it is going to be something you'll need to satisfy them was an isolated incident during your assessment, and not something that may happen again if you found yourself in a similarly stressful situation as an adoptive parent.

I hope you manage to work through it. IVF is such a bizarre experience, the cycles of treatment become all consuming and it leaves you very separate from "reality", which makes doing things completely out of character totally understandable.

Best wishes,

Wyxie xx


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

Hi Diane

I would agree that you need to tell your husband. A lot of our homestudy looked at as a couple, how we support and help each other and how we cope with difficult situations together. I would think that social work would have a huge issue with you keeping something significant from your husband. 
Hope you get it sorted.


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## Me Myself and I (Dec 30, 2012)

Under the DRB search process that replaced CRBs, any caution or conviction would come up. 

I would imagine that from a SW perspective, you not telling your husband woul be more of a worry than the incident itself, as it sets alarm bells ringing as to the relationship that you both have and why you felt unable to confide in him.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do, but if you don't reveal it, it is just a matter of time, in which I imagine it will be less favourably looked upon, as though you deliberately have tried to deceive them.


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi Diane

This is indeed an unpleasant situation for you to be in. I think you will need to tell both your DP and SW. SS feel quite strongly that you are honest when it comes to criminal records and anything else - if it's discussed openly and then shows up on your CRB it won't be a surprise to them. I think given you were going through IVF and stole a pregnancy test, they would hopefully be more understanding, it is quite a unique situation. I know someone who had a criminal record for theft - two people in fact - and both got through and are now parents, but they were upfront at the start. 

I hope your partner surprises you by being understanding. Adoption is such a massive undertaking, you will need eachother's support all the way. I'd start with honesty now, however embarrassing it is, infertility alters the mind without chucking IVF drugs in to the mix, I've had plenty of 'moments' because of it. An honest chat with your partner will hopefully make you feel much better about things, and then you can tell the SW with him there supporting you. 

X


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

I don't see you have choice. Your husband will find out when you have the crb done. I think it will show up and its too big a risk. Much better to tell him now and then tell your sw. I agree not telling your dh would be their biggest issue and you could quite easily be rejected for not being honest with your sw.


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## Diane71 (Mar 9, 2013)

Thank you all for replying and your advice 

I suppose when it happened I just felt like I don't need to tell him as I had hoped to get pregnant but I was just so so embarrassed and upset  by what I had done at the time. 

So I just put it to the back of my mind. When the sw asked if we had a criminal record and grant says yes then she looked at me and said I take it your fine and you don't and before I knew it the words were out my mouth and I had kinda forgot ton bout it, it was when she left that I started to worry.. 

I'm going to tell grant ASAP then email my sw 

God I'm a nitemare xx


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## oliver222 (Oct 8, 2009)

Good luck. I am sure it will all work out in long run.


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## Diane71 (Mar 9, 2013)

Hi 

I have told him everything and he was totally fine, we r just worried now when we tell the sw and if it will go against us 

I hope not 

Xx


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Really glad your partner is supportive, that must be a huge weight of your mind!

I would suggest that you call the SW straight away tomorrow.  Putting it off will only make the situation worse.  I'd explain the situation and ask if you can meet with her so you can discuss the implications if she isn't able to give you reassurance over the telephone.  Given what you said about how the SW asked, I would be inclined to say you know you should have told her, and that you hadn't planned to lie to her, but that her question and the assumption that you didn't have a criminal record caught you off guard.

I hope things go well and your SW can reassure you a little.

Best wishes,

Wyxie xx


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