# A bit taboo



## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Not sure exactly if this is the right section, is anyone else finding it hard to have enough sex? 

The doctors have said at least a couple of times a week and I'm trying to work around my BBT as well and when I think I'm ovulating. I've found all the fun has just been sucked out of it and to be honest my other half struggles. 

We both work long hours and its become a bit of a chore especially now we have to be mindful of position (for optimum chance) being careful of all the liquids that apparently are bad for sperm and not being able to drink and having to eat healthy etc 

Just seems like a minefield.  


Although we are likely to be getting referrral for IVF soon I was trying to continue with natural conception if possible. 

Is this completely taboo to bring up?


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Oh no 64 views and no replies  

Awkward


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## springy8 (Apr 6, 2016)

Id say a lot of people have this issue. It can be hard with busy lives and ttc to get down to it. I almost had to plead with knackered oh last cycle... Glad I did!


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## BethP (Feb 27, 2015)

Hi Jengles,

Don't have any real answers but didn't want to read and run.

Have you talked to your other half about this? May be worth having a conversation to see if there is anything different you could do to help turn him on or vise versa. Role play or dress up can be quite fun 


Beth


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Thanks Beth & springy for your replies and support. 

Maybe I should dress up or something. 

Yes we have talked about it but it's an upsetting topic I guess as we are both just disappointed we still aren't parents and I feel like I'm the one doing all the work to make it happen really (research/vitamins/etc) do any of you feel like the pressure is on the woman to sort it all out. Or are your OH a bit better with getting involved. 

I think we need to talk about it again, would be great to get away but we are also going through house buying process at the moment (like we didn't have enough pressure) so need every spare penny. I was hoping that it would have been sorted by now but a property fell through so we've had to start again


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Sorry should have said congrats to you springy, fingers crossed for your pregnancy


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## Kitkat496 (Jun 14, 2013)

Totally hear you. When we were still working on things the old fashioned way, it felt like a total chore and I was angry all the time because I was taking all vits/doing the bbt and trying to get the timing right and then the Mr. was not in the mood. Funny enough, once it was clear that we would do donor eggs, it became fun again....so all I got for you is to try to make it feel as little as a chore as possible and pretend to be spontaneous (i.e. don't say that you have not just calculated the optimal window...)


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## ellieh17 (Sep 18, 2015)

Totally agree with Kit kat, 

I became obsessed with OPK'S and when it was the "optimum" time neither of us were really that up for it and it did become a chore. 

We found it better for me not to tell DH when was a good time and also make sure you have sex when it's not a good time as well.  Then it stops being sex just to get pregnant. 

Good luck!!


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Thanks KitKat & ellieh 

Yeah I'm pretty sure we are going to get our ivf referral next week so then I'm sure it will be back to fun and games. 

It is hard because I agree how can they not be in the mood at the right bloody time. Most men would love it if their Mrs was demanding sex (or so you would be led to believe)

Yeah I have been trying to not just do it at the optimal time and then at least we aren't worrying about the right position and all that. Good luck too ladies thanks again for the support.


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## MadameG (Jan 13, 2012)

Jengles I am totally on the same wave length as you   After DH's vasectomy reversal and the timing became important, our relationship really suffered as he thought I was treating him quote "like a piece of meat"   and I couldn't understand why he was rejecting me. Like you, I thought that he would be delighted to have lots of sex on demand, but it was the total opposite. It did take its toll and took a lot of talking, but we got back on track in the end (especially as natural conception became impossible again...). I think my advice would be to make sex a really loving, close experience, rather than trying to push it up a notch (unless that's what really floats his boat   ). I also stopped telling him when it was the right time and tried to get it into my head that one missed session or even month won't be the end of the world xxx


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

It's annoying madamG isn't it? Yeah we have talked a lot about it. I think once we have our apt on Wednesday things will start to become more real. 

I guess in our 3 month wait to go back to the hospital
I was just hoping there would be a miracle pregnancy so when he didn't want to play ball I kept thinking what if we miss our window! 

Agree need to support each other and have a loving experience especially to get us through the treatment


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## Artemisia1 (May 15, 2016)

Is there really a right position? Sorry I'm new here  and I am curious!


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## littlem13 (Jun 27, 2016)

Hey Jengles 

I'm totally with you on this! I know what you mean about being the one doing a lot of the work - I stopped smoking, cut out drinking, tried acupuncture, have to take all the vitamins, ovulation sticks, charting BBT etc.... I gave up checking my BBT because it made me miserable and only started to poas again because I'm on Clomid for the first time this month.

My husband hates the timing and always asks if we have to do it today; I know we used to have a much better  sex life before we became machines! 

I like the MadameG approach that being more relaxed and missing one session / month won't be the end of the world and great advice from Kitkat and ellieh!

Xx


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## luckycat (Aug 5, 2016)

Hi Jengles,

I know exactly what you mean... Since we were told a month ago that we have unexplained infertility I haven't felt like dtd at all. Last night we finally did, and of course I know exactly what point in my cycle I'm at, so I knew it was the day before ovulation. Then I felt like the pressure was on, and to be honest I didn't really enjoy it very much, then afterwards I suddenly started shaking and couldn't stop crying  

My dp is a very lovely, kind man and I know he's trying to understand, but it must be a bit off putting for him if I cry straight after, and now I feel like I associate ttc with failure, and just thinking about it makes me want to cry  

We've taken a week off work soon to go for a short holiday, I just keep trying to relax (ha ha) and not concentrate on ttc but it's always at the back of my mind. 

Also Artemesia1 - I'm not sure about the best position either! I did Google it a while ago but got a load of conflicting advice! Any suggestions (for when I've got my mojo back?)

xx


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## Natalie1402 (Jun 18, 2014)

Maybe you're trying too hard!  Try taking some time off from 'trying' , have a night out, get drunk, eat bad stuff, have sex the way that is fun for you both and enjoy it . 

You never know your brain might be thinking/worrying that much about getting pregnant, it's acting as a contraceptive.


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## luckycat (Aug 5, 2016)

Hi Natalie1402,

Thanks for your post. I think that you are right, I am trying too hard, but I'm finding it hard to stop myself!
Last night we did go to the pub - I had two drinks (which these days makes me a bit tipsy as I've been off the booze) ate some burgers, watched a film and then felt a bit frisky but it all seemed to go wrong at the end! 

Wondering if anyone has any tips for getting out of the mindset of putting pressure on themselves? 

Cheers

x


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## bobo66 (May 1, 2012)

Ah luckycat - I too have a tendency to cry after (or even during) after we haven't dtd for a little while. It's sometimes unavoidable I think. But agree with what others have said about reducing the pressure, being as relaxed as possible, and ultimately enjoying whatever happens rather than putting pressure on yourselves to dtd as all intimacy is good.

Xx


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## luckycat (Aug 5, 2016)

Thanks bobo66,

It's good to know I'm not the only one! I think I need to take the pressure off my dp too - I've been reading the other ladies' posts and I don't want him to feel like I am just using him!    We've been trying to do some fun stuff together during the daytime, and it's helped me to feel a lot calmer. 
Having a long weekend, and not having the additional worries of work has helped us both. 

Hope everyone else has had a good bank holiday


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## Tyria (Oct 1, 2016)

I don't know if this helps with regards to the best position, but DP and I find that 'doggy' (I hate that term) is the best position for getting the sperm up high without it leaking back out. Sorry this sounds a bit TMI. In other positions it leaks out before I have chance to put a pillow under me but in doggy it stays in and I'm able to turn and lay down with a pillow under me without anything leaking back out.


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## luckycat (Aug 5, 2016)

Hi Ladies,

I've got really sensitive skin and I seem to be allergic to everything! I've been looking for some lubricant for me and dp to use, as I'm not always totally in the mood around the best time of the month   
I have tried the conceive plus, but we didn't like it and the Pregnacare one - it was ok but expensive. I know we should use a conception friendly one, but I was wondering if any of you have found a nice one to use? I'm also allergic to KY jelly, which I always thought was pretty bland and hypoallergenic - itchy consequences! Has anyone tried the Yes Baby range? 

Thank you!


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## Jengles (Mar 3, 2016)

Hey lucky cat have you tried pre-seed?


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## luckycat (Aug 5, 2016)

Hi Jengles,

No I haven't tried Pre-seed. Is it any good? Does it have a better consistency than Conceive Plus? 

Cheers


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