# Any advice on adopting a sibling pair?



## HHH (Nov 13, 2004)

Hi everyone

hubby and I now in the thick of home study - working towards panel date of Oct 25th!! We have decided on asking to be approved for a sibling pair 0-4 yrs old.  

Any advice from experienced mummy and daddy's welcome!  however trivial you think the advice may be - remember we don't know anything yet!!!! Please enrich us with your experience.... 

HHH


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## Lynnm (Mar 7, 2006)

Hi HHH

Hope you don't mind me adding to your post.  I don't have any experience to offer you, but I am in a very similar situation to you.  We have asked for 1-2 children (whereby the 2 children are a sibling pair) 0-4years too.  We have a panel date of 17th October!!

I look forward to reading of experiences of some of the other members.

Take Care
Lynn xx


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## Ann (Mar 21, 2002)

Hi

We adopted 2 sisters 2 and a half years ago,  it was the best thing that we have ever done     Yes it has been hard work as our 2 were only 4 months and 15 months at the time!! and it still is hard work I would not change anything about it. It is so lovely when they get into bed together in the morning and cuddle and when they are sitting on the sofa together watching tv all cuddled up   it is not so lovely when our youngest is beating up her elder sister on the trampoline or when she decides she wants to draw all over the picture her sister has just drawn! but the good definatly outweighs the bad and they miss each other like crazy when the other one is not around - being so close in age they play together pretty well although their is the odd tussle over toys and what to watch on tv.  It was a big adjustment for myself and Dh especially the early mornings and lack of time alone but nothing that we have not been able to cope with  - I have been working for 3 days this week so dh has had the girls to himself and boy what a change in him - they have been to the beach, been for bike rides, been to the park, played in the paddling pool with friends, swimming and for lunch with Nanna and it is only wednesday!!!!!!!! he rang me and said he wanted to take them strawbwrry picking this afternoon and I told him not to go overboard as they wont want to be with boring mummy for much longer   mind you the house has not been touched!
Sorry if i have waffled but I am writing about the BEST thing in my life MY GIRLS  

love Ann xxxx


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## Angelbabywood (May 11, 2005)

Hi Ladies

First of all Ann....Your post made me cry, I long or what you haveand hearing stories like this makes me even more sure I am doing the right thing.

Secondly, Hope you don't mind me bursting in on your thread but myself and DH are in a similar circumstance.  Well getting there.  We pondered log and hard whether adoption was for us and after 2 years decided it is.

We have just had our letter today to say we will be allocated our social worker within 4 weeks and called in to discuss adoption further in the near future.

Can you offer any advice for this first initial appointment with the social worker?  We would like a sibling group, it will have to be same sex as we only have 1 spare room and we too would like maybe 0-5.


Good Luck ladies  

Kerry xx


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi HHH,

only suggestion i would make is that you put yourself down for 1 or 2, because the searches that get used if you're only down for 2 then you won't be considered for single children. We wanted 2 and ended up with one....he is the light of our lives. its more important that its the right match ratehr than the right number....if you know what i mean.

xxruthie


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

I agree with Ruth

we too were down for 1-2 children and we were matched with a baby boy, he is the perfect match and if we had not been open to 1 or 2 children we would never of been matched with him  

pam xx


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## Barbarella (Jun 11, 2005)

I agree with Ruth and Pam..  we were approved for 1 or 2 children.. and Bea is such a perfect match for us too... spookily so.

HHH... good to hear things are going well.  Obviously got no advice as we were matched with 1 in th end, but looking forward to hearing about your journey!!

C xx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi
We started out wanting a sibling pair, 3 tops, but since doing our HS and talking more to the Sws we've seen we have decided to go for 1 or 2, 0-4yrs, either gender.  We have said we will be interested in being contacted if there was a birth sibling coming up for adoption if we only have 1 in the first instance.  

Some ways I would like to spend the time with 1 child before having the 2nd, like you would with birth children, but in other ways a sibling pair would be great and we wouldn't have to think about going through it all again in the future.  Either way its going to be a shock to the system at first!

Good Luck
OT x


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## HHH (Nov 13, 2004)

Thanks all for your replies

Sound advice about the option for 1 or 2 children, and then being involved in more matches. Hadn't thought about that.

Personal profile day today - its not often you get to talk abuot yourself for 3 hrs is it! Feel elated and tired now its done. Two more visits and then HS will be finished.  Lots to talk with DH about before then and more homework for SW!

Thanks again...and any more advice greatly received
HHH


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi HHH

We go to panel in just over 4weeks and we have  said we want 2-3 children 5yrs and under- our reasons are..........(please note these are our reasons)

1)for me more then DH is it important that our children have a link to each other which will be their birth mother.

2)we never wanted an only child and dont plan on going through this process again unless a sibling comes into the picture- this is something one of the adoptive mums said to us

3)its going to be hard no matter what so why not get what we want

Dh and i have had our neices stay with us since they are tiny(months old) and love having 2 of them together

hope this helps

xxx


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi, 
Just thought I'd add my bit, DH and I were approved for 1-2 children 0-4 years old, we are presently being considered for a sibling pair (4 and 15mths). Although we are asking ourselves alot at the moment 'will we cope?' - we've been married for 12 years so it will be a BIG change in routine. I am one of 4 children and we are all really close so we would love our children to have some genetic bond to each other, also I certainly agree with MJ that's it's going to be hard whatever so we might as well get on with it! 
However if we don't get matched with these children we would consider individual children (I certainly believe that the right child/children will find us! If we do get matched with these two...then watch this space!!!  
Love Viva
XXX

P.S. Good to hear your HS is going well HHH


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Can't really help.  We were initially approved for up to 2 children 0-5 but DS sounded so great we couldn't turn him down.  Now with DD's arrival we finally have the two children we wanted.  It has been a pain going through the process again but I think it is a question of swings and roundabouts whether you have two together or separately like we did.  Either way it's exhausting   

Seriously I suppose I would liken it to giving birth to twins, it's incredibly hard work if you have two at the same time but at least you are getting the teething problems out of the way at the same time.  On the other hand if you have the children separately it's easier to adjust to parenthood as you get more time to yourself with just one child.  Then when the second one comes along you know all the tricks and shortcuts to avoid hassle (well sometimes  ).  I think Ruth and Pam have it right and you should leave yourself the option to find the best match for you, be it one child or two.

Best of luck with the HS.

love
Cindy


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hiya

We were initially approved for one or two aged 0-3years. Our daughter's match was so perfect that we obviously went for just the one to start with.
Looking back now I'm pleased that we got her first on her own.

Now we've parented for just over 2 years, I'm much more confident of going for a sibling pair second time around.
In an ideal world, I would choose to have my children a couple of years apart like most natural parents would, but the whole process of adoption is so much more drawn out and involved that I'd be happy to round up my family on the next process. 

In reality I must be cracking up! My ideal would be 3 children, and with our eldest being almost 4, it'd mean I could end up with all 3 children being under 5 - OMG! Must be stark-raving MAD!!!!  
I know it's going to be hard work, but I'm so looking forward to completing our family.


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi HHH

I am MUm to 2 girls who were almost 2 and the other 13 months when we adopted them.  We always said 2 children but we both had said that we wanted at least one boy.  The match though could not have been better, people are always saying how much they look like us.

It is hard work, I won't deny it but as Ann says the higs always outweigh the lows.

The only advice I would give is that if the children you are matched with are in separate foster care (as mine were), leave it as long as you can before having the second child move in.  We only left it a month and in hindsight it wasn't long enough for eldest to get used to being in a new environment and then having her baby sister move in too.

Good luck
Karen x


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi HHH

what ever you decide and end up with will be right for you i am sure. When we started out a few years ago i definitely wanted 2 children so a sibling pair at once, but during our home study or excellent SW spoke to us about coping with children of different ages and needs all at once can be a big shock to the system. We took his advice and were approved 1st time around  for 1 or twins. We got one, a baby boy 9 months. He was an easy baby in eveyway but i still found it hard and thanked my self luck every day that we only had one child to manage. We're now on the road to adoption again, and in someways having to go through all this again with SS is a hassle and i will be glad when my family is complete and we do not have anymore SS visits etc.

But on saying that if we had got 2 at once like other on here i am sure we would have coped and not know any different.

Hope that helps.

PBMxx


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## HHH (Nov 13, 2004)

Thanks for the repiles evryone - all posts have given me something to think about.

Final meeting with SW next week - then wait to see her version of us in the form F! Lots of paperwork to complete before then and have to chase up a copy of our marriage certificate as we seem to have misplaced it!

Thanks again and keep the posts coming
HHH


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