# What do you tell people?



## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Hi everyone 

We are having our first interview (formerly known as initial home visit but our LA do it at their office now) in less than 2 weeks.  
But something I'm wondering about is what I tell people I don't know that well about our children when they (hopefully) come home. 
I know a lot of people in my community but only to chat to when see them in the street, I.e. they aren't friends as such. But they know we don't have kids and the older ones aren't very tactful to say the least. 
For example just this afternoon one older man mentioned to me that I don't have kids, then started harping on about how special is the bond between mother and child. I just thought to myself, look I'm 38 and don't have kids, maybe you should be more tactful   but didn't say anything just smiled politely. 
Another elderly lady asked if I wanted kids and I decided to be honest and said we were hoping to adopt. She said that it's not the same as having your own and went onto explain why, at length. She's very elderly so I didn't tell her what I thought of her opinion, partly as I felt too shocked and upset. I didn't want to tell her about our infertility and late miscarriage as none of her business but really, is she so naiive? 
Anyway I just foresee these 'concerned citizens' saying something totally inappropriate when they see me with kids all of a sudden. And I don't want to be rude, they really have no idea and aren't meaning to be so rude, but I wish I hadn't been so damn friendly now so I wouldn't have to explain my business. I know I don't have to explain but can't just ignore if they ask me. 
Our neighbours are great so don't feel worried, will just tell them before LOs come home. It's these non-neighbours in the local area that concern me. 
I'm not ashamed to be adopting but I'm not sure I want to keep repeating it in front of LOs. And dread any inappropriate responses in front of LOs. 

How have any of you handled this scenario? Or are LOs ok when you tell people? 
Any inappropriate responses? And how do you deal with them? 
Again these are elderly people, I don't want to upset them or be rude, but don't want to just accept their narrow minded opinions either. 
It's bad enough when people ask if we've got kids and I hate saying no, and just wish one day the answer will be 'yes'. 

Thanks all
GG xx


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## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

Hi GG - it's really tricky isn't it - especially when elderly folks don't mean any harm - and LOVE to chat for ages! Hopefully you'll get afew folks responding to this post with experience, unlike me!! However, I was talking to my girlfriend recently about what on earth you do when first go to a toddler group, and quite innocently a mum asks 'oh are you new to the area' or mum's talking about 'What did you do for your LO first xyz'.  I think it's having a handful of answers at the ready & the other tip my girlfriend said was with LO's you always have an excuse to go to the loo, or get away. So you could perhaps answer 'yes this is my son/daughter who came home last week/mont' then for a quick get away 'sorry hope you don't think I'm being rude but must dash as have to get the shopping done before LO wakes up/needs a nap/lunch/ play date comes around/got something in the oven/ get to toddler group etc. 

Looking forward to hearing everyone's experience & advice as I'm sure there will be one fab tips for dealing with non-neighbours and toddler groups, general chitchat in parks etc!


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Thanks Lizard
I hadn't thought of toddler groups, yes that will be another one. 
Yes will be handy to have these responses in my back pocket! 
I can't wait to be in this situation though


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

Gg to be honest people kind of come to the conclusion themselves. Our neighbours were so funny we normally just say hello not much more. Anyway bubba came home just before xmas and one of them nearly drove into the wall trying to get a look. On new years day we were going for a big family get together and were just going out and 2 of them were standing outside talking. They both smiled and then said is that yours! We both very proudly said yes she is our little girl and we have very proudly adopted her. They were so happy for us. I think they have been only people to actually ask.


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Thanks aaa mummy, that would be a relief! Haha funny about your neighbour!


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

I am generally honest though sometimes vague!

So if people ask if I BF I say, no, I couldn't, and if they persist I say, no really, you can't BF a child if you don't give birth to them, which usually shuts them up.

But the nosy old bloke down the road who said "I didn't know you were pregnant" I said "well, there's lots of things people don't know, aren't there?"


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## aaa is a MUMMY (Oct 13, 2009)

It made us laugh. Gossip has away of getting round very quickly. Xx


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## ariellamcbella (Apr 11, 2013)

Haha...gotta love nosey people...I have a lot of friends come here with children under 3, and we go out for a walk or whatever and it gets difficult cause the youngest wants to nap, or cant walk any further, so I bought a pushchair cheaply off a mate. I have problems iwth my stomach which often means I look about 4/5 months pg...th gossip that went around about that!!!! lol

Anyone who asks me will get told they are my children...if they persist they will get told that the oxford dictionary of the verb 'to mother' refers only to the action of bringing up [a child] with care and affection...it says nothing of the way said child came to be with their mother (or father)...if they want to know more of why the child was adopted, I will tell them that this information is not mine to give away, it is private information that belongs to the child and the child alone. And if, in the future, they wish to share it with them, it is their choice, but for now I would appreciate if they would refrain from asking the children as it is inappropriate. (how direct about it I am, depends on whether or not I feel it to be innocent, or all out "i can't help myself, I love cake with a good side of gossip!"-rude lol


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Some inappropriate questions and comments seem to be par for the course.  The question of what constitutes a "real" Mum or a "real" child does crop up from time to time.  Responses tend to vary depending on what I think of the intentions of the person who asks.

Adoption "isn't the same", it's true, but not in the way that people mean it.  It's a completely different level of love and commitment that most people can't even begin to comprehend.  They won't understand the difficulties, or the love and sacrifice involved in parenting a damaged child.  It's easy to claim unconditional love for a child, but adopting can really put that to the test in ways that most people simply can't comprehend.  

Our children are incredible.  Adoption is rarely a first choice, but that doesn't mean that the children are second best, or the parents.


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

I am glad I live in London!  I too am yet to go through something like this as we are only just starting our journey but I guess the important thing when with children is not to show any sign you are ashamed or worried as children will pick up on that.  What is wrong with some people, the complete lack of social skills really amazes me!

As for the woman who thinks one cannot bond with an adopted child as well as a biological one, there is a simple response to that, surely: "Oh, so you did both, then?"


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## Nobbynoo (Aug 2, 2013)

Hi 

We are part way through the adoption journey and my advice would be to tell as few people as possible. Only because everyone is so nosey sometimes and you find that it becomes the one topic of conversation and people ask you the same question over and over again . I only told a few people that i trust as i made the mistake of telling a lot when i was doing the IVF and now i feel that everyone thinks they own a piece of me. Obviously in the end as you said people will know but if their not close just keep detail to a minimum, people dont ask all the details of how you got pregnant so why do they have to know all the personal details of adoption? Hehehe a friend of mine once said she got so sick of the personal questions around why she didnt have children that she ask someone in response to their personal questions what brand of tampax they use. When seeing their embarrassment she said " sorry i though we were asking personal questions?"


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Regarding 'older' people and their views, just tell them straight - shock them if you want.

Anyone who hides behind their age so that they can embarass others or cause offence (ie closet racists) need telling that what or how they say things is wrong - it's just like teaching kids, if you don't tell them they won't learn.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

So true Paul age is not an excuse for ignorance my Grandma is in her 80's and can use the Internet so she can do that she can learn about other things. Bgirl I love the oh so you did both response genius x x


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

We told our neighbours either side just before matching panel; one knew ages before, we told the other when he saw us unloading a pram  

Within seconds the rest of the street knew and we've received well wishes, cards and gifts.

When I told colleagues they were lovely except one who rubbed my arm and said 'can't you have your own babies then luvvie?' . I didn't punch her, but my boss said I should have   Another one was equally rude and I basically said it was none of her business. She was vile and left the company after causing loads of problems, so I didn't mind being rude.

I braved toddler group which my sister goes too, and those that knew were either supportive and excited, or didn't mention it. One woman who had overheard was incredibly rude - pinned me in the corner and started asking loads of personal questions. I was SO angry. She sat down, grabbed LO's toes (she was on my lap), and said 'so what's her name? Sorry I should speak to you first...' as she mauled my child. Then asked me about her history, and THEN said I had escaped childbirth and was 'too posh to push'. I'm not making it up!!! I said adoption may not involve childbirth, but it comes with its own pain. I was two weeks into placement, feeling very insecure, and frankly it ruined my day. The other kids were eating hot dogs and I didn't want to give LO onr and she said 'she can have one can't she?!'.

She basically undermined me completely. I went home in tears, hubby was furious, and my sister had to tell this woman off.

It's closed for summer, and autumn is going to be weird because I'm having another one placed (sibling) and those that don't know or the local supermarket assistants etc who I see a lot now are going to be so confused! I think I feel more awkward about that, as they'll be wondering why they haven't seem the second one before.

Adoption isn't a secret to me, but it is private, and that's what people need to grasp. Secret and private are different things.

When we met a nosy old couple out the other day whom we see a lot, they asked 'who's this?' and we just said 'this is ***********' and said her name. We didn't say she was ours or that we'd adopted. They didn't ask, we didn't volunteer. Simples !

When people ask I'd just leave them wondering. Say 'yes they're mine' and nothing more, they'll be scratching their heads  

People don't really know anyway if they only see you occasionally - it could be that LO is at nursery / school / grandparents / with your OH when they see you for all they know. Our neighbours had kids when we moved in...who disappeared after a while. We guessed they fostered and we were right, but they only told us that recently so we really weren't sure.


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

We've told our immediate neighbours as we live in quite a close area. One of our neighbours was one of our references. We're still a way from Panel so no LO coming home just yet. It was quite funny the other day though. I regularly look after one of my friends children, a little girl of 2. She came over to stay the night on Friday as Mum & Dad were at a wedding in London. Friday afternoon I took her out in the pushchair to go to the shop, my next door neighbour and her kids were in the garden and it was like walking past a group of meercats! 

DH and I have discussed that once we've been matched we'll let our neighbours know and just ask them to keep their distance for a little while after they've moved in. Once we're settled, they can come and meet LO but if they see us walking into town they'll need to just wave from afar rather than crowding the pushchair.


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

I should say also that we have different assumptions because of adopting from abroad. Thankfully nobody has asked how much he cost (I have heard of that) but people think the approval process is easier (you have to be approved by both countries, so no!), they either think he was in an orphanage (and we may get that more as he's older if they think he's from Eastern Europe), or they think his birth mum was a nice girl from a strict family who hid the fact that she was pregnant but took care of herself (a la 1950s Great Britain). 

So I do tell people that he has two birth siblings that his birth mum couldn't take care of and that children where he's from need adopting for very similar reasons to British children (and then leave them to draw their own conclusions).


I also have had people ask "why did you decide to adopt", which I think really means "tell me your entire reproductive history". So I say "because we wanted to have a family".


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## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

It seems I am quite different. I annouced it to all important people by email or phone or face to face. And to other people via ******** admittedly I had a ******** cull and deleted 90%who were on there. And just left with friends who have moved away and foreign living relatives. But I asked everyone to respect the fact they are not getting any personal details and to not see this as something to gossip about. My neighbour is friends with my friends so knew we couldnt keep it a secret. Plus I prefer the idea of get in there first and make it known how sensitive it is.  Plus I am adopted so if they say anything they will get both barrels. 
I am proud of being adopted and of adopting and dont think it needs to seem like a dirty secret. As long as you always protect your children. It would be obvious with us having two children under four coming to live anyhow!!! 
♥


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## Lizard39 (Nov 25, 2011)

MummyElf said:


> Adoption isn't a secret to me, but it is private, and that's what people need to grasp. Secret and private are different things.


MummyElf - we have the same opinion, but you have summed it up so beautifully in this sentence.

Fran - when our times comes, we too will also tell the important people in life, but its the awkward questions at toddler group, in the supermarket etc that I'm sure will through me from time to time. Our SW even touched on this during our last HS!


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## kimmieb (May 9, 2013)

We are only at the beginning of the process (prep in November) but we are just telling people we are adopting because we can't get pregnant.  We've not come across anybody that has been rude about it yet - just supportive.  Obviously this doesn't apply to strangers, we're not that odd!! haha!


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

I ended up having the most random conversation with the very camp guy in argos! I was ordering a car seat and was wearing my work badge, he asked my job and so I told him. He put two and two together and said 'oh the seat is for work then?' (Why didn't I just say yes?!!  ) When I said no its for home he looked me up and down and asked if I had a child. I replied not yet   He blatantly wasn't going to give up so I had my first random telling a stranger about adoption moment! He again looked me up and down and asked how old I was   I told him and he replied 'oh well congratulations then. Feeling pleased he was reacting so positively I thanked him. Mr argos man then followed it up with 'I hope you always look so youthful!!!'     And here I was thinking I was being congratulated about my BABY!!!


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

That is a bit random!


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Thanks everyone great replies. 
BG I do live in London but its suburban and I have a dog - ice breaker - so loads of elderly locals see me regularly out with dog and stop to chat. I'm too damn friendly and even in supermarket people chat and know us. Plus the dog is a real charmer, everyone knows his name, they don't know mine ir DHs lol. 

I'm not ashamed at all about adoption, in fact I'm extremely proud, I'm just worried in case people say mean things to me or in front of LOs. Like has happened already and haven't even got LOs yet. I guess I'm too sensitive and do get upset easily. 

I've told some friends and bosses at work and had nothing but very positive responses there  
Yes Paul you're right I shouldn't let them off just cos they're elderly but I'd just hate to see elderly people upset. But I shouldn't assume they are that sensitive. 

MummyElf what an awful woman! Yes I agree, not secret but private. 

I was seeing the nurse the other day and it came up that I wanted to adopt and wasn't TTC anymore. She said "oh well you know once you stop trying you'll probably get pregnant!"   I was really annoyed, as though she thought that's what I still wanted. But I would have much rather she had gushed about the adoption and wished me luck. So I firmly explained that we weren't TTC, and by that I meant we weren't TTC! And that we are dedicated to pursuing adoption. That shut her up. 

Like you said Wyxie, it isn't second best at all, different but in a very special way. That old lady was very negative and saying how bad it was like she had any experience on the subject  

Thanks all and best wishes


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## MummyPea (Jun 11, 2012)

Hi Goofy...

The next time someone says about getting pregnant after adoption use my answer from my blog as I had a little rant at MIL. It's only taken her 18 months but she's finally stopped saying it!!

_Nope, sorry, not going to happen. I sometimes wonder if people think that when a couple start to go through adoption they stop being intimate with each other. But when the little one arrives they start again and bada bing there's a cupcake in the oven. Think about the friends and family you know who've had kids, naturally or otherwise. How many of them do you think have more sex after kids?_

Good luck xxx


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Good answer JesP  

Yes how true! I think it probably happened to very few people but there's always someone who knows someone etc really annoys me  
The fact that they assume we would still want / try for our own though hurts my feelings. They just don't understand how special adoption is. 

Thanks and good luck to you too   xx


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## Barbados Girl (Jul 7, 2012)

If anyone is too nosy I intend telling them that I didn't want to ruin my perfect Hollywood beach bikini body.  They can then concentrate on grilling me at when I ever had said perfect bikini body!

Basically, all of the people I care about have been excited and happy and supportive and I don't mind them asking me questions, which I am happy to answer.  As you say, though, it is less about caring what ignorant strangers think, more about you not wanting them to upset the children, so I guess it is all about being very open and positive with your child and any strangers so there is no sense of embarrassment or shame.  Whereas all of my instincts would by screaming to say something withering and flounce off!


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Haha excellent BG

And the thought of you saying something and flouncing off is a really funny image lol


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

The "now you're not trying/adopting/not stressing about it you'll be pregnant in six months" one really annoys me, for so many reasons.

It's an assumption based in part on the incorrect belief that stress is the reason for my infertility and miscarriages. I find that really offensive. Firstly because stress is not proven to be a factor in either, and more importantly, because what they are basically saying, is that I am responsible for my own infertility and losses, because I can't relax. If only I didn't stress about it so much, we would in fact have a whole house full of beautiful children just like theirs, we're just doing something wrong. In fact, of course, the reason I "stressed" about infertility and miscarriage, is because I have a medical problem which results in infertility, and increased chance of miscarriage if I do conceive. Idiots who cannot separate out cause and effect do my head in when they feel the need to comment on my life, and bring out a strong urge in me to tell them exactly where to shove their amateur diagnostics.

It's also based on statistical anomalies and coincidence. There is always someone, somewhere, who is that one in a million who does suddenly fall pregnant in this situation. I too, know someone who did in fact fall pregnant after many years of infertility, when approved to adopt for the second time. I know a whole tonne more who haven't. This does not make it likely, it makes it possible. People just _don't get this_. The fact they knew someone who knew someone does not make it likely that it will happen to me. How can you not get that? Did they sleep through all their maths classes at school? Surely we cover at least the basics of statistics in school these days? Also, again, cause and effect, or coincidence. Just because your friend had reiki and it helped her relax during IVF and she got pregnant, does not mean that if I have reiki it will help me either relax, or get pregnant. You might as well say my friend caught a bus to her hospital appointments and she got pregnant, therefore catching buses gets you pregnant.

Also, because it's based on the assumption that my children are second best, and just there in case the "real thing" doesn't come along. I'm the first to admit one of my children is very difficult at times, but my children are not second best. Adoption, the scenario, the start that my children have had, is most definitely not what I'd hoped for, but my children are my miracles, I'm not waiting for another one to come along. I have my miracle babies, and I certainly don't want to fall pregnant. God knows what I'd do with a new born baby and two other very needy children under pre-school age. I can say categorically I wouldn't be able to give my existing children everything they need and look after another baby, or deal with further miscarriages, and the idea that I'd be selfish enough to put my desires above my children's is the most offensive thing of all. The idea that, just like most other new Mums, I'm using contraception, doesn't occur. Why not?

My kids are mine, for whatever reason, I don't want to replace them with something better. I wish they were less troubled, I wish I'd always been able to protect and care for them, but I couldn't love them more, and the assumption that I somehow love my children less than I would love a biological child annoys me most of all.

I don't normally say all of that, although I have done a couple of times. Plus a few other bits, but I might stop there.

Also, for the record, Wyxling has been home for 15 months, and I am not and have at no stage, been pregnant.

And don't even get me started on the people that comment I'm lucky because I got to have children without losing my figure! 

Edited to add: Hubby just came in the room with chocolate and asked what he'd done. Apparently, I'm hammering the keyboard and he knows I only normally do that when I'm cross.


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## MummyElf (Apr 11, 2013)

Love it wyxie - you've summed it up completely! When we found our LO we went to tell someone and they said 'have you got news about the adoption?' and we said yes, that's why we're here' and they said 'we thought so - it was either that or you're pregnant'. So I'd drop the whole adoption thing if I conceived then?! When we decided to adopt we stopped ttc. As soon as we were approved we went a step further and started using contraception. 

Some people don't get it and think I'm missing out and still want a bio baby. I don't!! I cannot explain it, but I don't. I am BLESSED to be an adopter! Part of group who will be parents to children who might otherwise not ever experience a permanent, loving family. I would be unhappy if I fell pregnant right now. The baby I was meant to mother and raise is asleep upstairs, my second baby will be with us this year too. What more could I want? It's unconventional and I have some really tough days where I think I'm a rubbish mum, I'm still getting used to having a one year old, and sometimes I feel like I'm not coping....but I wouldn't change our journey, or my daughter. I wouldn't swap her for a bio baby. I firmly believe she's our daughter but someone else had to give birth to her and do what my body would not. 

And you know what, yes, I do get to keep my hoo-hah in tact and skip childbirth, and I'm not complaining!


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## GoofyGirl (Apr 1, 2013)

Wyxie, well put!!! Sorry didn't mean to make you cross too , it made me so cross and I thought a nurse should know better 

Haha love that your DH came in with chocolate. He knows how to make a girl feel better  

Mummy Elf you sound like a top mum and the fact that you worry about not being shows how much you care. 

Yeah I want everyone to know that our LOs will absolutely not be second best. I know I'll be so glad if and when we get our LOs   . It's a privilege to adopt it really is. And some people just aren't capable of understanding that. I am so glad I'm not like them, no matter how many bio kids they have! 

xxx


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## flyingswan (Feb 12, 2008)

I realise this is a really old post but I just had to post a HUGE thank you to all who contributed. 
We are 2 weeks away from approval panel and have told a our parents, referees and respective bosses. A couple of people have been so insensitive as to bring out the suggestion that once we adopt we will have a birth child. I too find it incredibly insulting and its lovely to read I'm not alone.

The rest of the advice about what to tell people has been really helpful/enlightening/funny/real!

Thank you again - these forums are keeping me sane 
DH might disagree 
xxx


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

We have nosy neighbours, I get hire cars with work and she popped up last week "Do you test drive cars?" no I dont love its none of your business...Wait till she sees us bringing our child out of a car a few days in a row...

We're pretty open, did the removing 90% off ** then announce on there, everyone at work knows and is SUPER supportive...

But then it gets to my own mum, I was talking about going on the pill and she said "but you know how many people get pregnant after adopting, when you're all nice an settled & happy, and wouldnt it be nice to have _your own_ child"

I was fuming, told her they will be our own child and not giving birth to them makes no difference to us...

Now I am a tad worried about toddler groups if people start asking about labour/breastfeeding etc...


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

I just smile and look over at something else or change the subject when people I don't know well start to ask about labour/BF. Usually someone I know well is there sniggering.


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## Frangipanii (Nov 21, 2011)

Wow poor you with a mother who says that! Littlepoppy! My mil when we were first having ivf said she was 'glad they would be properly related to their grandchildren' not like my parents as I am adopted! Funny really cos now we dont see them at all and havent done for three years. In fact they dont even no we have kids! People should really be a little bit more thoughtful! 
We have been honest and open purely because it stops the gossip. Not that we went round advertising it of course! And we dont give any personal history of the children of course! People have been amazing. Only problem we have had is people parenting our children, trying to help in case we dont no what we are doing but they soon learnt!!! 
Adoption is a pure joy in my life, I havent got perfect children but they are mine and I love them more than I ever thought I could! They are drops of pure heaven in my life! Not born of my tummy but they were born in my heart! Xxxxx


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

Beautifully said, Frangi.  

We went with the open approach, because we live in a small village.  Most folk know now, but when he was newly home, I was so proud of him and how he was doing, I'd often say, "yes, this is our son.  He came home to live with us just before Christmas," and the responses have been universally congratulatory and supportive.  

The local parish councilor who's a distant neighbour came round with a gift of clothes for him, our neighbours give him chocolates (with permission!) when we pop round to retrieve parcels, a lovely lady I met at a mother and toddler group, who is now a good friend,  bought me a gift and gave me a massive hug when we'd only spoke a couple of times because she said she thought I was amazing and doing a great job.  Someone I barely recognised as living in the village swerved across the road when we were out with the buggy and said, "I didn't know you had little ones!"  "Well," I said, "he's only been with us two months."  She nearly cried with happiness for us and generally loving what we were doing.  

He's about to move to the village school's nursery, and I think the teachers are limbering up their hugging muscles in anticipation - they can't wait to have him!



For the most part, what people will say when you talk about adoption is different to what they will say to your adopted child's face... and I think you can head most things off at the pass with a beaming grin and radiating your pride in what you and your child have achieved.  I expected it to be hard, but we've been really fortunate, and found it easier to be open.

We are not, however, open about his history and background.  Not even our family know even what area of the country he came from, and that is how it's going to stay.


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

I went to a Ladies night on Sat and we were talking about looking like our mothers. The conversation turned to kids and I happily showed off a picture of my gorgeous LO. Two ladies looked at my gorgeous boy and said he had my eyes (which he does). I responded that he was a lot like his Grandad (which he is with the same mischievous glint in their eyes!). It was rather amusing and I loved that there were at least 2 others on the table who knew LO was adopted and just smiled at me saying absolutely nothing. It felt wonderful!


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

That's nice Arrows.

The thing people most often comment on with my kids is their eyes - they both have _huge_ brown eyes with very long lashes - and their cheeky smiles. My kids really do, facially, look nothing like me at all. A lot of LAs, including the local ones, will favour a match where the children resemble the adopters, but with our kids that definitely wasn't a factor. I am very slim build with blonde hair and blue eyes, and quite pointy features, long face, high cheek bones, long nose. My husband is darker in colour, but has amazingly blue eyes, and while he looks a lot more like our children than I do facially, it's not really that close. Both our kids are beautiful big cheeky smiles, round faces, and my daughter is nothing like me in colouring. My son is closer, with fair ish hair, and his b/d is quite fair, but my daughter is much darker skin and hair colour as well, and honestly looks nothing like me at all.

People often them look at my husband and I, and our kids, and comment on their gorgeous eyes and beautiful faces, and say how they look very much like each other. 

I think, on a real tangent from the original subject, one of my big worries with my daughter is that she is going to have insecurities around her weight, because she is probably not going to share my naturally (too) skinny build. I already hide the amount that I eat from my daughter - I have metabolism issues which mean that I just burn off calories in a way that most would and do envy, without any real understanding of the associated problems. She's going to be tall and beautiful - she's a pretty girl now, and birth Mum who she strongly favours in looks is a very attractive young woman despite her lifestyle which has taken a toll on her - but girls and attitudes being what they are, I do worry she will just want to eat cake and still be skinny like her Mum.

Best wishes to all,

Wyxie xx


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