# Hi



## Doug (Mar 25, 2005)

I have been on this website a number of times but not for some months. However in an attempt to pull my self together I vowed to post something and share my thoughts. I am a man (37) and seemingly a minority contributor. Please be nice to me. 

I have azoospermia; news which came as a shock not least in the way that it was presented to me. Nice bedside manner!!! No point on dwelling on that now. I have come to terms with this despite labouring under the misapprehension for all of my life thus far that I have tip top health etc. Biopsies in Aug 04 proved that it is all over for me now.

My initial reaction to the suggestion of donor sperm was the same as my wife's - but we still had a 50/50 hope to cling to at that time. However, circumstances changed and we have found ourselves considering things that we had dismissed out of hand some time ago.

We are now on the threshold of starting the treatment and went to the clinic yesterday - and this visit has pompted this message. 

I had no idea what the selection of donor would be like. I was surprised by the small selection. We had been to see councillors and discussed the process and the varoius characteristics which the donors would have noted down. This lead me to believe that height blood group and eye colour were a starting point and perhaps you would just look at the other comments. 

Reality was somewhat different. There were only about 12 donor on the list (I went to a clinic in a major city - what must it be like elsewhere) . I am 6'2". There was no-one in this category or close. As for the other characteristics this was hopeless as well. My expectations were clearly unrealsitic. You would have thought that after the rollercoaster of 2004 I should have known better.

I am still mulling all this over and my thoughts/emotions are not yet properly formed . I had thought that we would choose a donor who would not be anonymous therefore preserving the right to enquire in future years (if successful). I know that the law is shortly to change and I thought that the right to choice in the future should be there if at all possible (even though we are still under the old law). That seems even more dillusional given the short list we were presented with yesterday all anonymous.

Any words of wisdom welcome. Sorry for the long introduction.


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## mancgal_644 (Oct 18, 2004)

Hi Doug welcome to ff i think alot of clincs are finding problems now with donars because the new law is approaching very very soon im hoping to egg share and it as not put me off one bit to donate but i understand that it does put alot of ppl off hopefully when you will manage to find somebody and maybe **** will notice they need to change the law back. wishing you all the luck in they world 

Kerry and Paul (dp)


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

hi doug

sorry i can't help you, but i just wanted to welcome you to fertility friends, we do have a mens room on here and i'm sure you will be welcome. just click on the link below

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/board,89.0.html

pam xx


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## Doug (Mar 25, 2005)

Thanks for the welcome and replies.


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

Hi Doug

Welcome to Fertility Friends. I'm sure you will find the site of enormous support.

The current situation re donors is getting pretty dire in most clinics I think now, although some of the girls on the Donor thread have found alternate donors than those offered by the clinic they have been attending for treatment, by sourcing in from other clinics, and some have found pretty good matches and then been able to purchase extra vials of sperm for future treatment, be it for sibling cycles or to continue to ttc their longed for miracle.

Please feel free to join in any of the threads including the one Saphy has given you and also the the donor board - link below.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,25954.0.html

Sending lots of luck and babydust to you and your wife for your treatment.

Jayne x


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## eileenh (Nov 24, 2003)

Hi Doug

Sorry for what you have been through and the way in which the news was presented to you.  I know where you are coming from.  My DP also has azoospermia and in the early days of seeing consultants, having tests and discussing options, some of the ways in which we were told things were tactless to say the least.  But as you say that is water under the bridge, and I have found since actually starting treatment that the fertility staff at my clinic could not be nicer.  I'm currently on my 2ww following third attempt at DIUI.

I would second what Jayne said about finding a suitable donor.  Phone around other clinics.  We were lucky that our clinic found us a good match for DP - I don't know how we would have felt if they hadn't.

I too thought that we would be able to choose a non-anonymous donor - I thought that ahead of the change in the law they would have begun recruiting donors on this basis...

Anyway it's good to see you posting here and I wish you lots of luck.

all the best

Eileen


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## datai (Jan 17, 2005)

dear doug

I cant say i hae any infoof advice on this matter but just wanted to welcome you back to ff and wish you and your wife the very best of luck with everything.  You will find the site will really help and if you use the shat room speaking to people will be fab and will help your emotions.

Good luck.

datai


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## sally75 (Feb 24, 2005)

Hi Doug,
just wanted to say welcome and the more men the better on the boards!  Sorry things have been so hard for you.
Take care
Sally


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## Doug (Mar 25, 2005)

Sally, Datai, Eileen and Jayne,

Thank you for your support. I thought that my message may just get lost amongst the shear number of postings.

We were shown a list from London when we last attended the clinic but we were told that most other clinics were not selling. Is this true? Don't blame them if this is the case but it makes asking around a little hopeless. Is there any part of the country or a specific clinic more open to recipients from other clinics?

Doug


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## eileenh (Nov 24, 2003)

Hi Doug

Try posting this question on donor sperm thread.  I know a couple of women on there have recently called around clinics so will probably be able to answer it.

Eileen


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