# Still no luck



## KathC (Oct 18, 2007)

Hi

I've not been on the message board for a number of months now, but my news hasn't really changed.  I've now been ttc for two years now without success and with each month that passes I am aware that time is probably be running out for me.

Last month I was devastated when my second cycle of IUI failed, when everything had seemed so positive.  Following a doubling of the dose of Clomide, I'd produced two 20 mm follicles and things seemed so positive but then on day 27 I got the familiar cramping pain and despite minimal discharge I was not pregnant.

Next February I'll be 45 and I just don't know what to do now.  I've tried acupuncture, the diet recommended by Marilyn Glenville  in her book How to boost your Fertility in 3 months (though I drew the line at cutting out chocolate altogether!), I keep trying to ensure I do some sort of sport three times a week, I'm not overweight and don't smoke so what more can I do?

I'm due to have an anthro follicle scan on Friday in the hope that that may give me a clearer indication as to what the chances of success are.  I had a blood test for FSH and that is normal and then I could consider IVF but half of me wonders if it's worth prolonging the emotional pain and whether or not to draw a line under it as every month it gets harder and harder to bounce back.    I just wish I could find a way of coping with this feeling that I've failed, this anger and bitter resentment that I can't get pregnant this time when it was so easy last time (my son is now nearly four).  I just wish that someone or something could help me find a way out of this maze that is secondary infertility.

Sorry to rabbit on, just had to get it out in the open.

Kathryn


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## Sue74 (Feb 26, 2009)

Hi Kathryn

wanted to send you a big  .  I so could have written your post, I'm so sorry about your second IUI, it is so soul destroying when we put all our hope and faith into the treatment and it ends in a  .

I'm at a crossroads with my treatment, have had another 3 months of clomid but wasn't sucessful, I've got the option of going onto IUI but I'm so unsure about it.  I really don't know if mentally I can go through the disappointment each month if it doesn't work, like you said its the emotional pain that is a killer.  But on the other hand I keep saying to myself it may be my only chance to conceive.  I constantly have this going round in my head and once on this rollercoaster of emotion it does take over your life.

I do still at times hope that we may get our natural miracle, after all we did it once, I try to remain   but your right it is a maze of despair at times.  My daughter constantly asks when she will have a brother or sister, I could  for her and wish I could give her one.

Sending you    and lots of      
Take care good luck with the FET
love suexxxx


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## ambergrace (Feb 7, 2009)

Hi Kathryn and Sue,

Just wanted to send you both a big   and say I can remember so well how you are feeling now - I had six months of Clomid last year and failed to conceive successfully and it was just so frustrating and heartbreaking because like yourselves it was so easy to conceive the first time round (I have a four year old DS conceived within 3 months of trying). Every month on Clomid I would ovulate and produce beautiful follicles and apart from one month where I conceived (only, heartbreakingly, to have a missed miscarriage) nothing happened.

Our clinic suggested IUI to us but we decided to go straight to IVF, mainly because I'd known a few friends have failed IUI after failed IUI only to then be successful with IVF or ICSI and wish they'd never even bothered with the IUI. We looked at the success rates for both and decided to skip the IUI stage in favour of IVF and were so, so lucky because IVF worked first time round. Of course there are no guarantees even with IVF and it is so prohibitively expensive that it is not always an option (we had to save for ages to be able to afford it) but just looking at the % success rates for my age group (9-10% chance with IUI, 37% chance with IVF were the stats from our clinic) tipped the balance for us. I am 37 by the way and my DS will be 5 in July.

I guess what I am trying to say is that if Clomid and/or IUI fails repeatedly it doesn't mean the end...if IVF is a medical and financial option for you then from my experience (and the experience of three other friends of mine who have gone through secondary IF) it is worth at least giving IVF a go.

Take care,

Amber x


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## Sue74 (Feb 26, 2009)

Thank you amber that makes me feel so much more positive and that there is hope out there . It is good to be reminded that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel and you're proof of that . 

 on your little beanie, thats wonderful news     , hope you have the rest of a good pregnancy

Take care 
love suexxxxxx


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## drownedgirl (Nov 12, 2006)

Kathryn, have you thought about donor eggs? I'm afraid that regardless of our ovarian reserve/FSH levels as we age our eggs become less healthy.. in my case I had no problems getting pg, but couldn't stay pg, having 7 mcs due to abnormal eggs.

I know it's a bit leap, but if you're thinking of IVF, it's worth considering, as it takes the success rate per cycle from a couple of percent back to 20% or more, same as a younger woman.


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## drownedgirl (Nov 12, 2006)

Kathryn, have you thought about donor eggs? I'm afraid that regardless of our ovarian reserve/FSH levels as we age our eggs become less healthy.. in my case I had no problems getting pg, but couldn't stay pg, having 7 mcs due to abnormal eggs.

I know it's a big leap, but if you're thinking of IVF, it's worth considering, as it takes the success rate per cycle from a couple of percent back to 20% or more, same as a younger woman.


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## Choice4 (Aug 14, 2008)

My suggestions are
1. Ivf is better as IUI seems to work better in younger people who have more eggs and time
2, Donor eggs is also a good option if you would like to go down that route
3. Immune testing and treatment to check why your body is rejecting the embryo/ implantation failure
Some times this happens after one has had a child, leading to secondary infertility
Check out the book " Is your body baby Friendly" by Dr Alan Beer from Amazon

I don't think it is time to give up yet!!!


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## KathC (Oct 18, 2007)

Hi you lot

Thanks so much for replying so quickly.  I'm feeling really guilty that I haven't replied earlier.  I've been back at work full time after my holiday and have only just got round to reading your kind messages.

I had the anthro follicle scan and the pre IVF blood test a week ago and am waiting for the results.  I've made an appointment to see the specialist but he can't see me before the beginning of June which is very frustrating.

I've been seeing a counsellor and funnily enough she mentioned donor eggs.  Drowned Girl, you're absolutely right when you say that given my age it could well be my only realistic option.  I've signed up to go to an information evening about IVF as well as an adoption information evening.  I have to consider very carefully the financial issues of donor eggs as it's even more expensive and I was told that the waiting list is even long.

In the meantime I've bought an ovulation kit and am going to embark on reflexology.  Might as well try them out while I'm waiting for everything else to move along!

Amber thank you so much for your kind words, they mean so much to me.  Plus congratulations on your pregnancy and I'll keep my fingers crossed that everything continues to go well.  Thanks too for the scan of your beautiful baby!

Choice 4, thanks for the book recommendation, I'll definitely look into it and finally Sue, it's good to know I'm not alone in feeling and experiencing what I have.  Plus you're from the north east like me!

Thanks again for your support and best wishes and I'll keep you posted!

Love

Kathryn


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## Sue74 (Feb 26, 2009)

Hi Kathryn

Hope you're ok, its good that the messages have helped, I love being on here as everyone just knows what a nightmare this is, people who don't experience it have no idea really.  Do you think the counselling is helping, it sounds like you are keeping all options open, good luck with whichever you choose, I'll be      , it works for you.

Thats great you're from the north east too, where do you live and which hospital are you at? I'm at JCUH, have you been to any of the meet ups, thats good to meet others and share stories, everyone is so supportive.  I'm sending you lots of             .
Take care love sue xxxx


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## Bambam (Feb 14, 2008)

Hi Kathryn

It is so hard trying to decide what is the best / right thing to do 

Have you had a look at some of the other boards on FF? These might help too with the decision making process as you'll find lots of information and also be able t read about other people's experiences

*A Rough Guide To IVF ~*   CLICK HERE

*IVF General ~ *CLICK HERE

*Donor sperm/eggs ~ *CLICK HERE

Lots of the girls go abroad for donor eggs as it can be cheaper and the waiting lists aren't so long *Treatment Outside The UK ~ *  CLICK HERE

Amanda xx


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## CurlyGirl (Mar 2, 2009)

Hi Kathryn

I agree with Choice4 - you should definitely check out Dr Beer's book - I don't know what i would do without it at the moment!  The bit that gave me great hope is that some immune issues are very likely to happen to women with one live-born child, almost like the first pregnancy started off immune problems and each miscarriage can just make it worse.

I've had the full immune blood tests done at ARGC and needed Humira to bring my cytokine levels down to stop attacking my embryos, just found out it's worked so can ttc again while have 3 month window where my immune system is lowered.

Best of luck to everyone here


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## KathC (Oct 18, 2007)

Hi you lot!

I'm so touched that people are still taking the time to think about me and to write, you've no idea how good it feels to know that you're out there.  Amanda, thanks for the book recommendations and Curly Girl, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Sue, I'm from Gateshead originally but I've lived in Derbyshire for 15 years.  My little boy is growing up with a Derbyshire accent, but I always remind him of his heritage by singing lots of north east songs to him!  My treatment so far has been from Derby City and the CARE peoplein Nottingham (for the counselling and whose adoption information evening I'm going to next week).  Thank you for your kind words and hugs! 

Haved used an ovulation kit for the first time this week so who knows?  Had a really vivid dream I was pregnant last night (true or wishful thinking, I rather think the latter).  I've also booked in for reflexology in a few weeks time.

Still no news on the anthro follicle scan and the pre IVF blood tests (though the bills have come through).  I wish I'd hear something soon so I can be clear about what my chances are realistically.  I don't see the specialist until June which is very frustrating but never mind.

Hope you're all okay, thanks for thinking of me and looking out for me!

Love

Kathryn


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