# Feeling so upset



## Primmer (May 1, 2012)

We had initial visit with sw in May and sw said she would recommend us for approval to her manager to be placed on a prep course in July or if not October. Sw said we would hear in 2 weeks but we heard nothing and so chased sw for an update and was told we would hear this week at the latest with the date of the prep course we have been placed on.

We didn't hear anything until yesterday when I received an email from our sw stating that her manager had asked for clarification before going any further. At our initial visit we didn't go into great detail on any of the areas but did discuss our income and the fact that we have some credit card debts. The email from sw states that they need an explanation as to how the debt occurred and how we propose to pay it off.

We do have some credit card debts but have never missed a monthly payment and have sufficient income to cover the payments and feel like we are being punished for carrying out work to the house in preparation of a family and for having to pay for unsuccessful ivf and that this is now going to stop us from being approved for adoption   

has anyone else had anything similar come up where it has either stopped you from proceeding or where you have been allowed to proceed despite some debt?


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## lynsbee (Jun 21, 2013)

Hi 
sorry to hear this it's so frustrating isn't it?
I can't talk from personal experience about the debt and adoption process, but I do know I have had friends who had a loan or credit card which needed paying off and they showed the SW how this would be done and they were able to continue with the process. It took a while to get matched I and they don't know if this was to do with the debt. or if it was just a coincidence that their match appeared 2wks after telling their SW the debt was paid!!! x good luck x


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## Sq9 (Jan 15, 2013)

Sorry to hear that primmer and yet another example of how each LA / va has different criteria.  We have a loan and pretty much always do as that is how we fund major improvements to the house like new kitchen - i would imagine that a lot of people do it that way. I could perhaps understand it is you had a history of not being able to make payments - all our sw and the ones on our initial visit seemed to be bothered about was that we have no problems with the monthly payments which we don't.  I wonder whether you should shop around a bit more and ring some other agencies and go with one that this isn't a problem for.  If they are picky about money, the may be picky about other things too.
Good luck


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## Sun Flower (Jul 14, 2008)

So sorry you are upset honey   

It was mentioned during our home study, they asked how we paid for IVF, what debts we have, how we pay them off, how we would fund me having 12 months off etc... But it was all done in a positive light, as in, if we can prove we can pay then they are happy. I know all LA's are different but at our info evening we were given a website that works out finances, income, outgoings etc... I can look through my pack and find it if you like? Pm you? It might help your case to have your figures set out in a format they like to see, if that makes sense xx


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## juboo (Dec 26, 2012)

Hi, it's frustrating when they leave you waiting so long as you could have cleared it all up with them by now. 
We have just done the finances part of our HS, we have a loan and car loans but like you have never missed a payment. Our SW was positive as we could demonstrate that we were paying it off and that we had a plan for managing it. He said nowadays its common for people to have debt but its about showing how you deal with it, in fact most things in HS are.
Don't panic yet, just spell out in a plan your income/ outgoings etc and how you plan to deal with the credit card debts and email it to them, hopefully that should be enough.


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Hi Primmer,

I can understand why you're upset after they left you waiting for so long. Finances are an important part of the assessment and the SW should have gone through this with you in more detail in the initial visit when you told her you had credit card debts.

Everyone has to detail their finances for panel, which includes all regular monthly outgoings and income, before and after children. They want you to show financial stability, make sure that you will be able to remain in your home and meet all your family expenses, and that you can afford to take the time off your child(ren) will need.

As long as you can demonstrate that you have a plan to clear debt, which you're sticking to, and that you are able to afford to take your full adoption leave, it should not be an issue, unless the debt is significant. If you're only making minimum payments and not currently reducing the debt, it's possible they will want you to come up with a plan for reducing it and stick to it for a time - probably around six months - before they assess you. A lot of couples come to adoption with debt because IVF is not paid for by pocket change, so it's not something that's unusual.

Try not to take it personally. Unfortunately, adopting involves a huge amount of people prying into things that you would prefer they didn't.

I hope you manage to get something back soon. If you don't, perhaps you should think about talking to other VAs or LAs in your area. They will still ask the same questions about finances, but may get things done quicker. The standard of "service", for want of a better way of putting it, that adopters receive varies a _lot_ from agency to agency.

Best wishes,

Wyxie xx


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## Primmer (May 1, 2012)

Thank you for you kind messages.

I was aware and understood we would need to go through our finances as part of the process and understand why. 

I think that the shock is that they are querying it now without the facts and stopping us going to prep. We will reply to the email to support the fact that we can afford to repay the debt and then take it from there and if necessary go to another agency.

Sunflower - if you can find the website that would be really helpful.


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## sass30 (Apr 16, 2011)

Hi

We went through our finances and we both have credit card debts from when we were younger and have £500 disposable income left a month (after food an fuel) they never said there was a issue but im expecting it to be raised in home study. people have debts for what ever reason but surely that shouldnt of stopped you going to prep group.


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

So sorry Primmer   It's not fair you have had to wait this long and they raise it now.  We were questioned at initial visit with our agency about finances and concerns were raised about debt we both has from our past lives.  We were both home owners with our exes and when we split up both lost money when we sold.  So when we met we both had debts which we amalgamated.  We were paying them off and had never missed a payment. We thought all would be ok but SW raised concerns.  Difference is she told us there and then.  She said it wouldn't be a no, but it wouldn't stand us in the best stead as it would be questioned at panel and then going forward it's LOs SWs we needed to impress.  She wanted us to know that if they were looking at two couples, they would probably choose the one with no or little debt over a couple like us.

It hurt but we appreciated her honesty.  She didn't want us to go through without realising it would be picked upon many times.  She also wanted to ensure that we didn't struggle.  We told her that even with the debt repayments we had surplus each month and savings.  She was pleased but still said what if you need to be off work for longer, what if your mortgage payment goes up, nursery is expensive, don't underestimate how much a child actually costs etc etc.  We really talked about all outcomes.

She said she would speak to her manager, and we then had the weekend to consider things.  We were so upset and while we wanted to proceed we didn't want to have to justify our 'mistakes' over and over and made to worry about things and feel generally rubbish.  We spoke to my parents and they amazingly said they would help us pay it off.  This was in the April and by the September we were ready to proceed.  SW felt we had done the right thing, although totally understand that we were in an extremely fortunate position.

I guess you have to consider how much the debt is, how long you have left repayment wise, how much is outgoing each month and how much you have left.  Do you have any savings?  That is always looked upon very favourably.  It may just be they need to determine you aren't stretching too thinly and once you evidence you can afford a child they will allow you to proceed.  Suppose they don't want to take you forward to find out all may not be ok down the line.  It is better to know now, although really hard.  Speak with them, put your point to them and see if this will be a sticking point or not.  If it is make a plan, speak to other agencies, do all you can.  And if not then great, but prepare to have to justify things.  Not fair but sadly they way planet adoption works.

I really hope you are ok, PM me if you want


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## Primmer (May 1, 2012)

Thank you all for your messages. I have today sent a positive email to sw setting out our proposals to pay our credit cards and also setting out how much we have already paid off this year and how we are in a financial position to reduce but not clear the debts at this time. Really hope that this will be sufficient to allow us to proceed - keeping fingers firmly crossed and trying not to drive myself mad whilst waiting to hear back


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Fingers crossed for good news.


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