# Own eggs or donor eggs ?



## Beamel (Jul 18, 2009)

Would be really grateful for any opinions as to what I should do next !

I am 43, been TTC since Jan 2009 - 4 natural cycles plus 3 cycles of injects/IUI and not a BFP anywhere in sight !
My bloods: FSH 9.5, AMH 3.4 (they like to see > 15), inhibin B 35 (they like to see >45) so doesn't look good on paper.
But I had a better than expected response to the FSH injections, getting 3 follies for each of my 3 IUI's (the most my clinic will allow) on a moderate dose.
The dilemma - is there any chance in attempting IVF with my own eggs ? or do I just go straight for donor eggs ?
The live birth rate for IVF with own eggs in my age group is only 5% at the Lister (the best I could find).

Any input greatly appreciated xx


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## Smike (Aug 4, 2009)

Hi There

mmm  5% doesnt sound high, but hey you could be in that percentage, some people have worst odds and still get lucky.
not too sure what all the medical jargon meant, but I`d say if you can afford to have a go at IVF i`d at least try it once , as you never know you coud get lucky. I tried IUI and it was a waste of time for me, I`m 41 and now try ICSI, although i respond very well to the drugs getting on average 9 follies the quality hasn`t been brilliant, but my consultant says i have a good ovarian supply it`s just a matter of getting a good quality egg, a bit like waiting for your number to come up on the lottery . I`ve recently found out that i have NK cells, so am hoping that my next tx in september with a bit of help from steriods will do the trick. I would suggest you get as many investagative tests done before you start any treatment as it will save time and money in the long run.
My age is against me too, but reading other ladies in their 40`s have managed it with their own eggs has pushed me on to try a 4th time, as I wanted to give up after 3 failed attempts, and almost £15000 but if i hopefully get lucky in september i know it`ll all  be worth it. 
Like you though if my next tx fails i will seriously consider doner eggs (my clinic do egg share which is good news) although my husband isn`t too keen, but at the mo I want to try my very hardest as then at least i can look back and say i tried my best, even though my body will have just let me down, useless old thing lol 
i hope i haven`t confused you more, i totally understand where you`re coming from as I`ve had the same dilema myself but i just need to give it one more go, as unfortunaley it does get a bit addictive but all the time i can find the money from somewhere i`ll keep going.
all the best with whatever you decide 

H x


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## Beamel (Jul 18, 2009)

Thanks Smike, for taking the time to reply.
The whole TTC business is a bit of a lottery isn't it ?
You made a particularly good point i.e. you don't know until you try ! Someone has to be in that 5% !
So ... have made an appt at The Lister for next month, I think I will ask for one attempt with my eggs and see what the result is. I can then decide whether I need to move on to DE.
Good luck to you with this next cycle !


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## Smike (Aug 4, 2009)

Hello again

good luck with the Lister next month,I`m sure they will advise you as to what they think best. IVF will show you the quality of your eggs which IUI doesn`t, at least you will know more after the first IVF attempt whether the route of your own eggs will be worth pursuing.
I`d be interested to know how you get on and what the Lister say.
All the very best of luck to you 

Heidi


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## vicks67 (Jul 9, 2009)

Hi Beamel, I'm in a very similar situation, 41yrs and just had 3 lots of superovulation IUI which have failed. I managed 2 follicles at a max and appear to have a fairly 'duff' left ovary! My FSH 7 AMH 9 which is still low. We've decided to try one round of IVF, in part because i think it will give us more information on egg quality etc and obviously also because I would like it to work, even though odds are against. In my mind if I fail to stimulate or if the embryos are obviously poor then I will probably move onto donor eggs. the decision will be more difficult if the embros look OK but just fail to conceive. Not sure what will do then as ideally would like my own genetic child but money is a bit of a worry. Anyway keep us posted on what you decide!
All the best Vicks


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## cherry blossom (Jul 20, 2009)

Hi Beamel, 

I would agree with the last lady - If you can afford it then give it a go with either IVF or ICSI 
I was also given less than 5 % chance but someone has got to be the 1 or 2 % - miracles do happen !!

Make sure that you dont have any regrets and only give up on your own eggs when you have exhausted all the options.

The doctors did try to steer me towards donor eggs but it wasnt something I was ready to consider so I persevered

I am now 43 and 24 weeks pregnant and hopefully will have a live healthy baby soon . 

aged 40 - 1st icsi produced 19 eggs and 9 embies -BFP ( 2 x grade 1 embies) - then lost the twins ( chromosomal abnormality)
aged 41 - 2nd icsi produced 18 eggs and 8 embies - biochemical
aged 42 - 3rd icsi  produced 8 eggs  and 5 embies - BFN 
aged 42 1/2 - FET - BFP (Only 2 mediocre embies survived )- now 43 and 24 wks pregnant and counting  

Try not to get too hung up on the number of eggs or the grading - It only takes 1 !!!!!

wishing you the Best of luck and hope 

cc xx


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## Beamel (Jul 18, 2009)

Thank you all !

After reading your replies and having a good think I have decided to aim for an attempt at IVF with my own eggs. We will see what the Lister say in a couple of weeks. If it turns out my eggs are duff then at least I know before I move on to DE.
As you say Cherry, someone has to succeed to make up that low % and you are proof of that, congrats to you !
Will let you all know how the Lister appt goes. Would love to know how you get on too.
Best of luck to you all and KUP

Bea x


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## RichmondLass (Apr 26, 2009)

Ladies - just a quick line to say that, while I understand that for the majority of women using their own eggs is paramount and natural, don't think of it as 'second best' to use donor eggs.  Although I haven't experienced it, I'm sure there is some sort of mourning period but you may find it's short lived and you move on pretty quickly.

I'm now 10 weeks pg using donor eggs and am over the moon.  At 44, once I was single, I didn't even consider pursuing treatment with my own eggs and it hasn't given me a moment's concern.

If you do switch at some stage, once you start the treatment programme you won't have any regrets - and I don't believe anyone will think twice about it once they are pregnant.  This baby is going to be just as much mine as anybody else's!

Good luck to everyone!

RLxx


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## Smike (Aug 4, 2009)

just to say a very big congrats to you Richmondlass, you must be over the moon.  I too beleive that once you`re actually pg with a DE , it will still feel like yours as at the end of the day it`ll be you carrying it for 9 months and giving birth just the same. If my 4th ICSI which I`m starting in a week doesn`t work, then i will be seriously considering DE, as i will know by then that I`ve tried my best with my own eggs.

good luck and all the best

H x


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## cherry blossom (Jul 20, 2009)

Richmondlass  - congratulations on your BFP 

I have friends who have used donor eggs and others who have adopted and once the baby arrives - it is worth all the effort and the money - some people mourn their own biological child and others dont - 
everyone is different and its a very personal decision which route to take but the end result is being a mummy . 

Bea and smike - hope you are both lucky 

cc xx


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## Lyzbeth (Feb 7, 2008)

Hi Ladies,

We started down the IVF route knowing that we wanted to have 3 attempts with my eggs, then move on to donor eggs, we did the research and the maths and felt that 3 attempts would give us a good go at getting the protocol right whilst still trying to be realistic about the % at my age (43) and the finances were a factor as we wanted to have up to 4 attempts as quickly as possible within 12 months.

I'm not sure if we would have gone for more that 3 attempts with my eggs if we have unlimited funds, but after 3 BFN's I'm ready to move onto donor eggs and to increase our chances from 5% to approx 65% as I have no doubts that if I am lucky enough to carry a baby for 9 months it will be 100% mine irrespective of the biology

Beth
x


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## lala3798 (Nov 13, 2007)

We used donor eggs for our 5th IVF attempt when our 4th failed. We were fortunate to have a son in 2006 and I truly thought that this would be our last attempt. When this IVF failed I wasn't prepared for how upset I would be even though I knew with the poor quality of embies they had put back it would be a miracle to get a BFP. 

The clinic suggested using donor eggs if we wanted to add to our family and it wasn't something I had really thought about prior to that. I wasn't sure that with one child that was biologically ours and one that half wasn't (DH sperm was used) how I would feel. DH and I discussed at great length and in my heart I didn't really want my son to be an only child so we agreed to have one last go using donor eggs with IVI in Alicante. We told close family what we were doing and everyone was very supportive including Chelsfield Hospital ACU where we had received our previous treatments. 

Then in August last year I had an email saying they had a suitable donor and it was all systems go. I was very nervous as I knew this really was our last attempt, we couldn't afford to have any more treatment and I didn't want to be consummed with trying for another baby at the expense of enjoying the son we had. After all we were fortunate to have one healthy child which is more than so many people have. 

We went for a weeks holiday in September and I had two embies (Grade 1) put back.at the end of May this year and I can honestly say I love having two healthy happy children and the fact that she was a result of a donor egg doesn't matter one bit. 

I wish you all the best, and whether to use donor eggs is really a decision you need to make in conjunction with the medical advice of your consultant. Either way you carry the child, give birth to it, it is yours.

Angela


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## epsych (Dec 15, 2008)

Hi There:
Perhaps my story will be of interest.  I'm a 42-year old American woman in Washington DC who "met" several Brits here who'd done IVF with donor eggs at the Chania clinic in Crete, influencing my decision to go that route after only one failed IVF cycle (chemical pregnancy) with my eggs in the US.  

As background, my husband (same age as I am) and I tried on our own at 40 - conceived quickly then miscarriage at 7 weeks.  At 41, we did 3 IUIs and one IVF cycle at a big "IVF mill," resulting in the chemical pregnancy (3 good quality blastocysts transfered).  

Feeling fed up, we went to Crete in April to try IVF with donor eggs, mainly because our US clinic was charging $30,000 for the procedure (even partial insurance coverage not an option for donor egg IVF under most American insurance plans) when Greece charged 5,800 Euros for the first attempt and 5,200 for subsequent attempts.  Moreover, in the US, we would have had to wait months on a donor waiting list, without the chance to use a Greek donor (my family is ethnic Greek) - our wait for a donor in Chania was one week from completing their matching form.  We jumped to donor eggs much faster than most European couples of our age seem to (at least those with no known fertility problems beyond the woman's age), motivated by the high the price of IVF in the US as much as anything, and also feeling fed up with non-starter pregnancies and the hormone shots rigamarole.

We didn't have luck in April, but I tried again in Crete on my own in July (we banked sperm on the first trip).  Now I'm 8 weeks pregnant with one embryo.  There's no telling if this pregnancy will work out of course, but I can tell you this, the clinic in Chania is small and wonderful, the donor matching was straightforward (she's a 23-year old college student locally) and on most days, I barely remember that we used donor eggs.  But when this reality registers, I'm glad we did, because we want a healthy baby ASAP and the chances of chromosonal and genetic problems are so much lower this way than they would have been with a pregnancy launched with my eggs (probably only after several more IVF cycles).  I wasn't allowed to see a photo of the donor in Greece (probably just as well), but the clinic staff tell me that she looks quite like me.

Let me know if I can tell you anything else that might help you!


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## RichmondLass (Apr 26, 2009)

what lovely stories!  And the 'ethnicity' and waiting list for the US was interesting - do you think the US waiting list is due to the lack of anonymity.  I'm assuming the Cretian donor details would never be available (like in Spain).


Good luck ladies - I think it's great for those who are having to cross that donor egg bridge, to hear successful, happy tales from mums-to-be!

I've just today seen my little chap moving and kicking about on the 12 week scan!  Hilarious!

RLxx


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## Jooles68 (Mar 23, 2009)

Hi

I have been reading all the replys with real interest.  I am in the same boat.  I have only had one IVF but I feel I can't afford to try again with my eggs for it to fail.  I really just want the quickest and cheapest way to have another child.  I am lucky I have a bio daughter but I have been tryng for the last five years for her to have a sibling.  She is now appoaching 11 and I think time is running out.

My husband said originally he would go ahead with whatever I decided but now he is not so sure. He feels, it would be like having a child with someone else. (I don't wish to offend anyone).  Also, our daughter is becoming more independent and it would be nice for us to start having time for ourselves.

I am in such a quandry as I don't want to have any regrets if I don't have the treatment. It's all I think about at the moment. I worry the child would also feel different from my daughter.

Has anyone else's partner had any issues?  It really doesn't bother me that the child will not be genetically like me.  Maybe if I didn't have my daughter I would fel different.  

Jooles


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## RichmondLass (Apr 26, 2009)

hi Jooles - sorry you've had a rotten time of it.  The more people I speak to about this, the more common it seems that women share your view and men your partners.  He's certainly not the only man to express similar views.  

It would be interesting to know what other people's partners have said or how they've changed their minds.

It might be that he hasn't fully thought it through.  Hearing someone else's experience might give him a different perspective.

My ex's reaction was the same - he wasn't interested in pursuing it.  I had hoped he might change his mind but we split up anyway so that solved that!

RLxx


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## Jooles68 (Mar 23, 2009)

Hi Richmondlass

Thanks for the reply.  To be honest I'm sure I could change my husband's mind.  I think because he knows that I am unsure whether I want to go through IVF again, he thinks that by saying he doesn't want to do it that at least the decision is made.  He thinks I should start concentrating on something else and enjoy what we have.  I can see his point.  He would be happier to adopt but I know that would be out of the question due to the time factor. He just wants me to be happy.

I am glad everything is going well for you, enjoy every minute.  I know it is a cliche but it really does fly.  Can't believe my daughter is 10.


Jooles


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## RichmondLass (Apr 26, 2009)

RichmondLass said:


> It would be interesting to know what other people's partners have said or how they've changed their minds.


hi Jooles - when I said this I meant how their partner's mind changed, not how they were able to change their partner's mind. Sorry for lack of clarity.

RLx


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## Jooles68 (Mar 23, 2009)

Hi Richmondlass

Don't worry,  I knew exactly what you meant! 

I really did mean I could probably change my husband's mind!  Not in a brow beating way , just that he is always open to discussion, and of course if he was really was set against it, then I would respect his wishes.  We are going to sit down tomorrow & discuss!

Jooles


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## RichmondLass (Apr 26, 2009)

oh good luck!

RLxx


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## Beamel (Jul 18, 2009)

Hi All,

Not long now until our appt. Many thanks for your contributions ladies !
Richmondlass - great news re. the scan, you must be so chuffed !
Smike, thinking of you. Hows it going ?

Bea x


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## Smike (Aug 4, 2009)

Hi Bea

good luck with your appointment, hope it goes well. 

I had my EC yesterday, managed to get 6 to fertilise, and due back monday for ET, trying to stay positive but praying the quality is better than before.

i think you`ve made the right decision to at least try once before you use DE.

all the very best, and take care

Heidi xx


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## Beamel (Jul 18, 2009)

Thanks Heidi, my appt is later this week.
Can I ask where you are cycling ? I think I read in another post that you were considering the Agora as well as the Lister.
The Agora is easy to get to from where I am and I was wondering about having my monitoring done there.
6 fertilised is great, Fx for you next week. Would love to know how you get on,

Bea x


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## Smike (Aug 4, 2009)

Hi Bea

had all 4 tx at the Agora, it`s very nice there,staff are great, heard it`s in the top 4 of the country and is sister clinic to the lister.

Had ET on monday, grades were`nt brill 2 and 2.5, so bit dissapointed but staying positive

good luck with your appointment

Heidi x


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## Jooles68 (Mar 23, 2009)

Hi Smike

As you say keep positive.  You just never know.

I never found out about gradings and don't really understand them.  I had a blast and near blast but I have since read (not sure how true), that even blasts can be graded?!!  And your eggs still may not be good quality even if you get a blast. Confused!  

Good luck

Jooles


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## daisy70 (Aug 9, 2009)

Dear Beamel,
Reading your thread makes me feel very positive!!  I am nearly 43 and when we went to consultant to discuss starting IVF I was ready to go straight for donor eggs, but he talked us into using my own eggs first.  He did say there is only a 5% chance of success, but he strongly advocated this as our first option, so we are going to have a go.  I am a bit concerned about the money aspects of it, and how many cycles we will be able to afford, but DH says not to worry and that some people spend thousands on cars and this is much more important than that!!
Someone has to be in that lucky 5% don't they...


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## cherry blossom (Jul 20, 2009)

Daisy

as you will see from my signature I am also 43 and have been lucky enough to be in the less than 5% 
group more than once - the doctors always said to me that it more likely to get pregnant if you have been pregnant before - so i kept trying 
we have spent a LOT of money on IVF and are now skint and put our life on hold for years but if we get to bring our baby home with us in December then it will all have been worth it !! 
you are right someone has got to be in the 5% 

good Luck 
cc


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## nvb (May 31, 2008)

Hi ladies....I read the posts with interest  
It's lovely to see BFP's posted on here regardless of whether it's from DE or your own. I have had 2 failed ICSI's and I failed FET. We have just won an NHS funded cycle but before we knew we had won that, we had put ourselves on the DE waiting list. We have our counselling/donor matching in November but there is a long wait (12 months) so we are hoping to fit the NHS cycle in in the meantime. Our problem started off as MF (DP azoospermic....Open TESE got us some to freeze) but sadly it seems my age is now playing a major factor as I am 40 in January. We seem to get good fertilisation rates and even had frosties on my 2nd cycle but I don't respond well to the drugs. My AMH was 7.81 and FSH between 9 - 13  
I have a close friend who has twins from DE and they are an absolute joy. Spending time with her has helped me get over the fact a child born from DE may not share my DNA but will certainly receive 110% of my love. nvb xxx


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## Beamel (Jul 18, 2009)

Thanks ladies for your contributions,

Cherry, congrats - it is so great to hear your story. Wishing you and your little one all the best !

nvb, good luck with your NHS cycle, well done on managing to get that.

Daisy, like you we are about to go for our first IVF cycle. It will either start next week or in November.

We have decided to have one attempt using my eggs, to see what sort of response I get. I am hopeful as we have done IUI cycles and I responded well to the drugs, but of course IVF is a different animal so we will have to wait and see. If my response is poor we can always convert to IUI. After that, who knows ? We have to decide whether DE is an option, I am convinced its the next step but DH not so sure at the moment.

Lots of luck and babydust to you all. Please KUP as to your progress,

Bea x


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