# Whats in a name............



## Gersende47 (Nov 23, 2011)

Hello ladies, i suppose i just want to gauge how reasonable (or not) my feelings are on this little issue please.  My partner and I are in the middle of our adoption process and whilst we understand that we cannot change the first name of any child we may be matched with, we do have quite a differing opinion on what surname we use.  We aren't married and have no plans to get married in the foreseeable future so it would mean so much to me if we could compromise and combine our two surnames making a double barrelled name for any future child we maybe matched with.  I have no children but my partner has one grown up child who obviously takes his name so i thought it would be reasonable that i be able to pass on the one thing i can that represents my family and that being my surname.  My partner is absolutely against this he almost makes it sound outrageous that the child should have any other name but his own but i just think taking everything into consideration its the most fair option.  Can you let me know your thoughts and opinions, it would be really helpful. Thanks


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## Billybeans (Jun 16, 2012)

Hi Gersende47, I'm not in your position and so can't offer you any personal experience with this but if I was I would want a double barrel rather than one or the other....Did you say that your DP is against double barrell also? Has he said why he would be against it because the child would still have his surname?! perhaps have your surname as a middle name and his as the surname?
Hope things get ironed out and you can agree. 
xx


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## Gersende47 (Nov 23, 2011)

Many thanks Shining Star - to be honest i think its just that he feels a child should take the father's surname whatever the circumstances.  I just feel that if we both put our names together then its reasonable for everybody.  I obviously don't want to make it a sticking point as the child is the most important thing here but it just feels a bit unfair if my feelings are not taken into consideration.  Hopefully things will get ironed out as you suggest i don't even mind if my name is a middle name i just want to be in there somewhere!!! Thanks ever so much for your view xx


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## Little Miss Giggles (Apr 1, 2009)

If he's so against it you could always suggest he proposes ;-)


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## Gersende47 (Nov 23, 2011)

lol - well the engagement ring ive got, just no wedding plans yet!


Little Miss Giggles said:


> If he's so against it you could always suggest he proposes ;-)


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## snapdragon (Jun 27, 2011)

I think the point I would make is you want to have the same name (well at least in part) as your child which is only natural. Most people take their husband's name when they marry and so in that case they have the same surname as their child.


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## smudgerbabe (Sep 16, 2011)

Um..is he living in the dark ages?!  Yes it's unfair! I have friends who have double barrelled their surname AFTER they've got married and my boss has been married for 12 years and has kept her original surname and her husband kept his!! 

There are no rules, this isn't Downton Abbey and now a daughter can ascend the throne before a son!! Don't be pushed over on this as it's important to you (as it would be to me) and it would be lovely for the child to feel proud of having both your names - a real sense of belonging and importance and how much you both loved him/her - plus would help with the practical aspects (my brother and SIL didn't get married til after the kids were going to nursery and they had my brother's name which she found a pain as she did most of the child care and picking them up etc with resultant name confusion especially early on before everyone knew her/them)! Of course this is often the norm now but just trying to think of 'practical' arguments for you as men often only see in black and white facts rather than fluffy feelings!!

Good luck and when you're partner moans about it tell him to set the date then!!


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

Yes there are absolutely no rules!
Little boy has my husband's surname as his surname but my last name as his middle name (well, one of them). I didn't change my name when we married.


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## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble (Oct 19, 2011)

We're still waiting for our family to be completed but me and hubby did double barrel when we married we both felt it was a way honor both lines of heritage (particuarly as my dad and his brother only had daughters so no boys to carry on the family name otherwise)

Would hubby be willing to change his by deed pole ?


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## Gersende47 (Nov 23, 2011)

.............thanks girls, i knew i wasn't being unreasonable but you have kindly endorsed my feelings. xxxx


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