# Adoption buddies - Aiming for approval in Spring/Summer 2014



## Handstitchedmum

It's that time of year. The "new system" came into effect in July 2013 and for some of us that means prep group in September, October, November or December. If you are currently attending or getting ready to attend prep group and are looking to be approved by summer 2014, or just like to chat, join us in this thread.


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## flickJ

Hi, 

Seems like I am on a very similar timeline as you. We are hoping to start the prep training in October,  assuming we are asked to put in a formal application. 

We have just finished filling in a mountain of paperwork, and DH and I are waiting for our DBS to comeback, so I am checking online every couple of hours for any change  

It would be nice to keep a track of all the different timelines for reference, I get confused as to who is on the "old" system and who is on the "new",   

It seems some LA/VA are still using the old set-up or half/half


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## Handstitchedmum

Hi FlickJ! Are you in the NW? I wonder if we will be in the same prep group!

We have received conflicting information about whether we are "old system" or "new system". As always, it depends on how the LA interprets the legislation. The latest advice us that because our initial enquiry was before July 2013, we are "old system". In practice, this doesn't appear to make a bit of difference.


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## flickJ

Hi,

We are in Yorkshire, across the country from you. It's nice to be going through this at the same time though.

Our initial enquiry was before July this year (back in March) but our LA decided to start everyone on the new system, so everyone who had an Initial Visit was stopped until after July 1st  and then started again  

Ironically, the speeding up of the process has not really helped us  

I think until the process is up and running it will seem like a cross over of old/new


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## mafergal

Hi guys, hopefully I'll be able to join this thread. Our VA is doing new system all the way and we are hoping to do the Oct prep course. We are currently awaiting an invite letter whilst trying very hard to secure leave for the 3 dates (DW is having issues). If we can't do Oct then we have to wait until Jan


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## flickJ

Hi Mafergal, welcome to the thread. I hope you do get on the Oct prep, but if not Jan is not to far away   

Good luck on your journey


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## twinkletoes13

Hi Handstitchedmum, FlickJ and Mafergirl,

We start our prep group this week, so I guess we're in same boat. I'm writing lists of questions for prep group this week - I know unless I write them all down I'll forget every single one. Is anyone else nervous about prep group? It feels like the first day of school! 

People keep telling me not to get my hopes up and get excited, but I can't help it. The SW said during our initial visit that the adoption process was like a pregnancy with no due date. I really liked her analogy and that's how I am going to think of it. You wouldn't tell a pregnant woman not to be excited, so there's no reason for me not to be excited too.  

Good luck to everyone, and I hope your DW gets the time off Mafergirl.


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## Handstitchedmum

Welcome Mafergirl and twinkletoes13!

I have to write my questions down, too, lest I lose myself in the moment. I never remember, when my emotions get the better of me! I will try not to think about me actually going to prep group until I am there, and maybe not even then. But I can't wait to hear how next week goes for you, twinkletoes13!

Fingers crossed we get our invite letters soon, Mafergirl.


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## Caledonia

Well I am way behind you all and certainly not on the 'fast track'. Initial enquiries made last month, had first interview and being offered prep course in March 2014!!

Meeting with another VA at my home this week to see what they have to say - still looks like Jan 2014 at earliest for me so I will be in the next group of folk!


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## twinkletoes13

Wow! March 2014! I think we were really lucky with our timing - we rang at the end of August, and had our initial visit at the start of Sept which coincided perfectly with a prep group this month. I think people who have made contact since have a longer wait - it stresses in our invite letter that there is a waiting list for places so we must both attend all sessions. 

Have you spoken to many agencies Caledonia?

You can hang about in here I am sure. January and March are both winter still!


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## Handstitchedmum

Welcome Caledonia! I fully expect there to be delays so don't be surprised if you finish prep group before some ppl booked earlier! This is the public sector we are talking about.


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## mafergal

Hello to everyone on here, thank you for the welcomes! Just had some brilliant news that DW's work have ok'd the prep dates for her in Oct. I emailed our contact as soon as I found out and just got a confirmation email back saying we are booked on the Oct course and a letter will be in the post today


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## flickJ

Oh, that's such good news - you both must be relieved and so excited


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## Caledonia

Just had initial home visit with a second agency - a VA - and they would have me on their prep course in Nov. 

However I am having a total freak out now - which I won't harp on about here but if I do go ahead it seems as though I will be on at the same time as you all after all   

I really clicked with this SW and she was impressed by my knowledge but arghhh now it all feels real lol


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## Caledonia

mafergal said:


> Hello to everyone on here, thank you for the welcomes! Just had some brilliant news that DW's work have ok'd the prep dates for her in Oct. I emailed our contact as soon as I found out and just got a confirmation email back saying we are booked on the Oct course and a letter will be in the post today


Great news!


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## twinkletoes13

That's fantastic, Mafergirl! You'll both be over the moon. 

Caledonia - I have just seen about the fee thing, I don't know anything about it, but we're in Scotland too, so when we're at prep group I'll ask about it in case it's a Scotland thing. I have read somewhere, that LA's will offer financial assistance if fees and costs are an issue for the adopter(s). Obviously there are criteria, but it might be worth asking about it? Hopefully, you'll be able to go the prep group in November.


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## Melaniesunflower

Hi there, I'm a newbie! Me and dh are hopefully starting prep classes at the start of October. We know we still have a long way to go, but at the same time I'm excited.


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## mafergal

Thanks FlickJ, Caledonia and Twinkletoes, yes very relieved! Especially for DW who was getting so stressed because the Jan dates were also not guaranteed with her work. Anyway we got our letter in the post yesterday   course starts 8th Oct, 3 full days spread over a week. So I have just over 2 weeks to get some more reading in.

Caledonia, sorry about the fee situation. Is this going to impact on your side plans or is there another way/route/LA that can assist you? I used a site called first4adoption at the research stage. They are an English charity so don't list Scottish LA's. Obviously I don't know where you live but I put in Edinburgh and a few came up, but Northumberland LA say they cover any area in Eng, Sco and Wal. Could be worth a call to them maybe? See what their fee policy is and look into what they are like?

Welcome Melaniesunflower! Know exactly how you feel! It's great to be in contact with people at the same stage. Good luck on your journey


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## Handstitchedmum

Ooh, glad it has worked out, Mafergirl! I'll need to add everyone's details to the first post.  

Caledonia: sounds like the VA may be the agency for you. I hope the issue with fees gets sorted.

Welcome melaniesunflower! Ours is in early October as well. Not long to go now!


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## Hunibunni

Hi all, hope it's ok to join your group.  DH and I are starting prep in October and received confirmation letter yesterday.  Feeling excited but nervous as I don't know what to expect.  Looking forward to swapping notes as we go along with you all x


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## flickJ

Welcome to the thread Hunnibunni and Melaniesunflower, glad to have you on board and hope you have a good journey to adoption


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## Handstitchedmum

Hello and welcome Hunibunni! I'm starting to feel nervous we haven't received our letter yet! They did say we wouldn't receive it until the week before. Not exactly person-centred, that...

Twinkletoes13: not long until you start! Can't wait to hear how it goes. How are you feeling?


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## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone,

Welcome, Hunibunni and Melaniesunflower!

We had our first day at prep group yesterday. It was a really good day, and it was nice to talk to other people at the same stage etc. It was good to meet the other social workers, find out more about the whole process, and the agencies take on things (so refreshing after the LA's making their take on things very clear when we spoke to them).

I think I must have been quite apprehensive about it all, because all I have done since we got home is sleep!   It was a long day, but I think next week will be easier, if only because it's not all an unknown.

Caledonia - fees weren't brought up yesterday, but as soon as the legal side is brought up I will definitely ask about it.

I hope everyone is well!


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## Hunibunni

Hi, thanks for the welcome guys


Handstitched mum - don't worry too much about not getting the letter yet, I think I only got mine because I asked when submitting my registration of interest form so no doubt was due to that rather than them being efficient! 


Twinkletoes13 - sounds like you had an interesting first day of prep even though mentally tiring.  Can't wait to start mine 


Caledonia - I've no idea about the Scottish legal system but I wonder whether it may be worthwhile to seek advice.  The court should also be able to inform you of the fees involved.  I would look into the relevant act which may detail the legal side of the process and what your obligations may be as a prospective adopter with regard to the court process.  I would have thought that the only time you need to be involved with court issues is the adoption order application as surely you wouldn't be matched to a child without having the court's agreement to the adoption I.e permanence order.  It will be interesting to know what you find out.  Good luck x


I hope everyone else is well


Xx


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## flickJ

Twinkletoes17, 

I completely understand why you should feel so exhausted after prep .......  

Last year, we did the prep course and, yes it was exhausting but it made it all so real for us and we learnt so much that prepared us for where we are know.

This time, we are really excited. We do know a bit of what is to come, but as DH said when our SW asked if we minded going through it all again ..... "You always learn something new"

Although we have had a letter, it was only a provisional booking on the october prep course. 

It was assuming our DBS would be back, and our SW rang on Friday to explain that the DBS in this area are being delayed and chances are they wouldn't be back   

There was a ray of hope though, our SW said because we had done the course once and had our CRB's done in June, she would put a case forward for us being allowed on the course   ......... and on Saturday my DBS was being printed so should come back soon   (DH is always after me)

Oh, I hope it works out


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## mafergal

It still amazes me how different the LA/VA's operate. We got our prep invite letter along with a report detailing the contents of our initial visit. We had to send a signed copy back along with a signed acceptance of the prep course.

We know we have to have a DBS check but we fill all that in after prep (assuming we still wish to proceed).

Handstitchedmum, if you are expecting a letter maybe call 1-2 weeks before the start date? 

Welcome hunibunni


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## Handstitchedmum

I spoke to the LA and they were delightfully disorganised ;-) but promised we were booked into October. I am not worried. If we don't get the letter in time, I will just call the LA nonstop for the info.


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## twinkletoes13

Hi guys,

We didn't receive our letter until the week before the course started, I wouldn't worry if they're saying you're definitely booked in to the course.

Our agency is the same as yours Mafergirl, no mention of checks until the formal application has been made. Odd isn't it how they all do things differently?

I hope you get your checks back asap, FlickJ.

I hope every one is well,

Twinkletoes.


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## Caledonia

Welcome handstitchedMum and Melaniesunflower  

Hunnibunni  - thanks for the advice. I am def going to speak to BAAF in Scotland anyway as I am just confused by the info so far. I am now wondering whether it is an East Coast/West Coast thing as both areas do a different process!

I am have been invited to prep in November - yay!!

Now panicking my finances won't stand up and worrying i am rushing and should get organised. I have a reasonable income and outgoings but some debt! 

Anyway glad we are all moving along the process anyway xx


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## Barbados Girl

Hello, lovelies

My husband and I start prep group on Friday.  We have had our medicals and applied for our references.  Our DBS checks are done when we have our first home visit.  We have been sent the Homestudy questionnaire.  We are with a VA in London.

Twinkletoes- how is prep going?

HSM, Caledonia and Mafergal- are you starting soon?

Sorry if I have missed anyone, it is a long thread! x


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## flickJ

Welcome to the thread Barbados girl, nice to have you on board and good luck with your journey  

Spoke to SW, and she confirmed we are on the October prep. It starts next week on a nighttime and then the following three mondays.  

My DBS came back yesterday, but DH's is still being processed, but they are still happy to go ahead  

All our checks and references are back, just waiting for a letter from our previous VA confirming why they asked us to withdraw from the process. 

I need to be given the all clear from the medical advisor to say I am OK to adopt as I have a medical condition but I gave them a letter from my specialist so that should be OK  

Good luck to everyone on the prep course this month or in the near future


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## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone,

We have our second prep day on Saturday. It's good that it's only on weekends because that makes it easier for DH to make it, but I also kind of wish it was quicker!  

Caledonia - I have worried about everything from finances to dogs to health to family..... I am trying not to get myself too worked up about anything in particular, but I know what you mean when you say you're worried things won't stand up. I just hope the approach is 'looking for a reason to approve' rather than 'looking for a reason to refuse'.  

Does anyone know if you already have a CRB check (DH has one for his job) is a new one required?

Anyway, I hope everyone is well.


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## mafergal

Twinkle toes, yes he will still need one. I have 2 (one for work and one for volunteer work) DW has 3, possibly more! Each one is only valid for the purpose it's applied for. It is crazy & a waste of peoples time etc &  I am told it's an issue that is being looked into but that doesn't help now  

BarbadosGirl, my prep starts in Oct, 3 days over a week then there is an additional day in Dec/Jan. Wish ours were on a weekend or evening, they are 10-16:00 & it was touch & go for DW to get the time off.

Great new about your course FlickJ  

Hope everyone else is well!


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## flickJ

Handstichedmum, can I just say what a good idea it is to keep updating the front page with details of when we go on the prep courses, I have just noticed it


Makes it a lot easier for people to keep track, good idea and thanks


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## Hunibunni

My prep course is 4 days over 2 weeks, 2 days one week then 2 days the next - 9am to 4.30pm!! I have a feeling it will be very tiring!

I was asked for dietary requirements today - I wasn't expecting to be fed too, dh will be pleased  

Hello to all and hope you are all fine and dandy.  There's a few more of us since I last looked so welcome

Xx


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## Handstitchedmum

Welcome Barbados girl! 

It is interesting how different each LA/VA is. Mine is similar to you, Hunibunni. We are in different areas though, so must be coincidence!

flickJ: glad you find the record at the front helpful! 

Just PM if I miss any updates in the thread that need putting on the first post. Soon enough it will be panel dates!!!!


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## Caledonia

twinkletoes13 said:


> Caledonia - I have worried about everything from finances to dogs to health to family..... I am trying not to get myself too worked up about anything in particular, but I know what you mean when you say you're worried things won't stand up. I just hope the approach is 'looking for a reason to approve' rather than 'looking for a reason to refuse'.


Glad it is not just me! My debt doesn't phase me and I have a good life style but I know on paper it would freak some people out!!

Glad everyone is moving and getting started on prep. I am meant to be November but not wondering whether I need to sit back and save more! I have broached the subject with my SW and she said I could still do prep so I shall have a think!

Barbados Girl hope today goes well - let us know how the first day goes xx


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## mafergal

Just wanted to say good luck BarbadosGirl! Looking forward to the update  

I worry about my dog, he takes about 30 mins to calm down for adults, sooner if you are a dog lover and give him attention, longer if you don't like him. He's a typical choc lab so that says it all really. Again different LA's seem to do things different; some just do a questionnaire, some want to see them around kids... it's something i really am worried about. One good thing is he is crate trained and he's calm in there. Hope I get a dog loving SW who understands labs


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## flickJ

Hi Mafergal,

I understand totally your concerns - we have three dogs and what we decided to do was have the dogs assessed by a qualified dog assessor (who just so happens to work for the councils as an adoption assessor  ) 

We wanted to pre-empt any questions they have about them and we felt the more information they have the better. So far, they have only asked for a dog questionaire from us. Maybe we are just being overly careful, but I am nuts about our dogs  

We also started training classes with them, one of ours is like your lab - wouldn't hurt a fly but totally over the top when people visit - 

SW are concerned about 'Living arrangements' for the dog, so the fact your dog is crate-trained is good. Maybe think about a baby gate to keep him away from the child until he has calmed down, it was mentioned to us. 

I am sure everything will be fine, but we dog-owners can't help worrying, can we?


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## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone,

That's really interesting, FlickJ. I had read about those dog assessments online, but I would worry myself silly that our two wouldn't get through it!   They were attacked a couple of times a few years ago (they were on the leads, the attacking dog wasn't) and so they're not overly keen on dogs off the lead, and cats are a total no-no. They're greyhounds, and so can't ever be off the lead unless it's an enclosed area - when we went to puppy training classes with them the people running it wouldn't accept that no amount of training will make them like cats and small dogs, or come when called. I'd worry that things like that would be seen as them being untrained, rather than just typical greyhounds. Thankfully, the SW we've met is a dog person and so understands a bit of barking, cat hating and  excitement doesn't mean they're evil hell hounds. It's not stopping me worrying about it though! 

We've been really strict about the excitement when people come to the house and it is improving, but we'll never be able to change they fact we have two big dogs and so for non dog people it can be a bit intimidating regardless of how calm they are.

We discussed with the SW about making a dog only area of the house so that when they needed some child free space, they were able to retreat and have a break, and the child couldn't (easily) get in. A crate would do that, or just zoning off an area. We're going to put a 'fence' type thing under the stairs so they can hide out in peace. 

I'm just reading stuff in prep for day two of prep group tomorrow.... 

I hope everyone is well.


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## mafergal

Thanks FlickJ   i love my boy to pieces, he has such a character & i know any child would love to play with him & watch him do is repertoire of about 10 tricks. His crate is in his own room so we can just shut the door   In our home visit we were asked how he was with children & we said fine, he is with our nieces. They wrote in the report that he was good with children so I'm really hoping all we need to do is the questionnaire. It has made me wonder though as I've read several posts on the internet about this with owners worries about their excitable dogs... I wonder how many people were told to re-home before panel and if any of those were due to being hyper? I can understand aggression being a no no.

Have a good weekend everyone


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## Handstitchedmum

I think SWs are more concerned about multiple dogs and smaller dogs. So, if you have multiple small dogs, you should probably have a robust risk assessment in place which includes a plan that puts the children first.

of course, all pet owners would probably benefit from having a risk assessment.  Ours will consist mostly of "what to do in case our child eats a stray pellet"    as we only have small animals!


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## Melaniesunflower

Woohoo got our definite confirmation of starting classes on 7th oct nigh, then subsequent 3 Sundays!


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## Barbados Girl

Hi all

I am afraid I have nothing to add on the dog front.  I have allergies so we are an animal free zone!

Prep Day One today.  Really lovely bunch of people, the leaders are great.  It is very intense, though, I am totally exhausted!  We covered what adoption means to us, loss, what we have to offer, some case studies, contact and some other bits.

More stressed about the fact Flat # 2 may be about to fall through.  I just want a nice place to live so we can start the homestudy and get cracking!


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## Hunibunni

Hi everyone hope you are all well 


Barbados girl - sounds like your prep day went well and glad you're with a great group as I bet that makes a hell of a difference.  I bet you're head is buzzing with information overload! Good luck on the flat front, the last thing you need is this stress on top of adoption stuff. Fingers crossed it goes ok and you find something nice soon   


Melaniesunflower - that's how I felt when I got my letter too! Makes it all real somehow doesn't it   


Like Barbados girl unfortunately I can't add to the doggie discussion either I'm afraid.


Hope you all have a great weekend


Xx


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## Macgyver

Hi
We don't have a dog, but was always told we must be prepared about rehoming our cat if we get a lo that is allergic to it.  This broke our hearts but they said do you want a family or keep your cat. 
Luckily our lo was fine with our cat so we didn't have to make that decision.


Good luck    Flickj


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## twinkletoes13

Hi all,

Mafergirl - I would be really interested too in finding out what percentage of people are asked to rehome their dogs, and for what reason.

Macgyver - I have no idea what we would say if we were asked about rehoming our dogs. It would be an absolute last resort, and only if something had happened. Thankfully greyhounds are 'hypoallergenic' dogs and so it is extremely unusual for people to react to them (DH is allergic to dogs and has no issue with them), so I don't think allergies will be an issue. 

Handstitchedmum - A risk assessment is a good idea. I might try to put one together to show that we're aware animals and kids can be an issue and how we intend to address it etc.

Barbados Girl - I am glad you enjoyed prep. I found it totally draining too, I just slept the whole weekend away! I hope you've had good news about your flat?

We had prep day no. 2 today. It was much harder going than last week - focussing on instances of abuse, and we were shown a film etc. They also brought in a foster carer (who has also adopted) to speak to us all, which was brilliant. She was the most wonderful, selfless woman and really put a positive spin on what would otherwise have been quite a negative day. I think DH and I both feel much more determined that this really is the route for us. I didn't think before today that we could have been more sure about it, but after hearing her speak I really do.

I am now going to go and vegetate on the sofa to recover!

I hope every one is having a nice weekend?


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## Jacks girl

Hi guys can I join you am feeling a bit out on a limb at the moment. We have done three days of our prep and about to go on our fourth next week. I guess I want some buddies to talk to who are at the same stage and haven't been able to find anyone on the main thread who is currently doing prep. Happy to share experiences and chat. I have two wee dogs too - I see on this thread others have pets too. Think we are under the new assessment system with LA. We were kept on hold after Feb info meeting till now because they wanted us to go through on the new system according to the one person we spoke to at SS. We filled our our DBS forms on day 2 of prep so that's all going through and my employer has been asked for a reference so we are on our way. 
In prep for our medicals have become a fitness freak to lose some weight. Also to pass time haha!
Looking forward to chatting and sharing the highs and probably the lows we may experience on this journey. Cheers for reading Brummie xx


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## flickJ

Hi Brummiemill, glad to have you on board  

Hope you are enjoying your prep, we start our prep on Thursday (four days, like you) - I know some of the girls on this thread are already on prep and some are getting ready to start.

It's funny how some LA/VA's need the checks doing before prep and others seem to do the checks during or afterwards?

We seem to on a similar timescale to you as we applied in March but were put on hold until the new system started in July. 

Good luck with your journey


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## Jacks girl

Hey Flick 

Thank you   we thoroughly have enjoyed our prep. I hope you enjoy yours just as much  I have enjoyed not only all the learning and finding out all the aspects we need to know as adopters but also meeting other people in the same process and hearing their experiences/stories. 

I know what you mean we had our initial visit then thought they had forgotten us. We had to phone to find out after three weeks whether or not they wanted us, then we finally got details of a prep course and a whole wodge of paperwork came out.

Dreading the end of prep - not because I am not excited to be going onto the next stage because I am. It's just because I will miss going every week and discussing planet adoption and all its intricacies. I guess am fearing waiting ages to be allocated a SW and feeling in limbo like back in the Summer!

The best bit for me has not just been all the thought provoking activities but hearing the adopters speak, the experts speak and give you real advice on all things adoption.

Hope you thoroughly enjoy your course as much as we have 

Thanks for your welcome    xx


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## Barbados Girl

Hi Guys

Brummie and Flick- I found day 2 yesterday extremely powerful and tough.  It was the day when we discussed abuse and FAS and we had at least two people in floods.  It was really emotional, to put it mildly.  I am glad we did it but am also glad I have a week's break until Friday.  How did you ladies find it?


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## mafergal

Hello brummiemill, welcome to our little group 

Barbadosgirl, though I've not started prep yet that is the day I am not looking forward to as I am a cryer (to put it mildly) and am worried I am going to be in floods the whole time.

Everyone else, hope you had a good weekend!  We had a nice weekend away at my best friends where we told them our plans.  It was really nice to tell someone not just because I had to, which I also did on Fri when I told a boss at work.

We just had an unexpected package in the post, DBS paperwork to complete, a reference check forms and (bizarrely) the registration of interest form which we have to return before prep starts. Anyway, I'm strangely excited about filling it all in  

Hope everyone is well


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Just being nosy because lovely Flick and HSM are on here and I like to know how they are - I have changed my names ladies. 

With pets we have said that my parents would take the dog if it was really unworkable. However we live in a very rural area and DH's family have a farm so our PAR says the words written by SW any children placed would need to love animals and the outdoors. When she showed us a profile (we didn't go forward with) she told us their FC has a dog. So I feel that our SW although we had to be willing to say we'd rehome for box ticking reasons wouldn't match us to any children who don't have high levels of exposure to animals which    should limit the chances of allergies etc. 

Hope that helps x x


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## twinkletoes13

Morning everyone,

DIY Diva, thanks so much for posting about your dog, it's really put my mind at rest.   I am quite willing to say we'd rehome the dogs for box ticking reasons. Like you though, we live very rurally, and avoiding animals is a virtual impossibility. I think we're aiming for a young LO though, and so I suspect at that age the only issue is allergies as (in my experience) they don't seem to be scared of animals when they're very little. 

Barbados Girl - We had day two on Saturday and covered the same topics. We both found it really tough, although we didn't have any tears in our group (I was VERY close though - managed to hold it back only so that I wasn't the one blubbing in the corner!). The SW's handled it really well though, there were plenty of breaks, and quite a bit more light hearted conversations than last week, which helped to stop anyone dwelling on the tougher stuff. Next week is legal stuff so I am hoping it's a little easier!

Hi Brummiemill! Welcome to our little gang.   Our agency seem to do the checks after prep, so we haven't done all that yet... But I would love to start to be honest! Like you I'm going to miss prep I think. It's nice to have a whole day a week where we can just focus on all things adoption. I hope we get allocated a SW quickly once it's finished.... I am not good at waiting!  

I hope you enjoy filling all your forms in Mafergirl!  

Hi to everyone else - sorry if I've missed anyone.


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## Handstitchedmum

Woohoo, we have the info for our prep group now.


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## Handstitchedmum

So in the past two weeks, I've told four people we were in the adoption process: a colleague, two distant friends, and a new acquaintance. Each time, it's just rolled off my tongue and I felt no remorse. I gave them minimal details. I'm pleased to say that they all responded quite positively, asking questions relative to their familiarity with me. 

I've not even told my parents yet!  

How have the rest of you shared the news? Was it planned or spontaneous? What have the responses been like?


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## Hunibunni

Hi HSM I've told all close family and a few close friends and colleagues and they were all very positive and very happy for us which was lovely to hear. No one has been negative and the most question I get asked is how long will it take! I've still not told my manager yet but I guess will have to raise this soon as references are sent out but it all felt very natural and in a way easier than when I was doing IVF treatment.

Xx


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## mafergal

Hi everyone, hope you are all well!

HSM, I told my best friends at the weekend and that was planned.  The first person I told was my sister several months ago and so being my sister it was really easy to tell her.  I just needed someone else at that time other than DW to talk to about it all.  I've not told my mum yet where as my DW has told virtually all her family.  I'm a private person and I do want to tell my family, just when there is a bit more to tell as it is still very early days.

I've found I've told more strangers about our plans and that has been more spontaneous.  I've been doing volunteer work at a parent toddler group and naturally people have asked why I'm doing it and I've found it's just rolled off my tongue.  The last time was Monday and the parent I was speaking to confided that her son was adopted and we chatted for ages.

Twinkletoes, all forms are done and in the post


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## flickJ

HSM, 

We told all our family from Day One as this whole process was going to affect them, wether through references or preparing to welcome a new member of the family. 

DH has 3 children from a previous marriage so we wanted them to know everything and feel part of the process. They are all in their 20's, so can completely understand the implications of a new brother/sister and are over the moon. 

We have told his parents and other members of the family, and have given them information and booklets to prepare them. Our LA runs courses one night a month giving info on various parts of the adoption process, including talks for family members. They are also keen to meet the Grandparents  

The references have all been done including family, so we primed everyone who needed to know  

It was all very natural for us, and we just dropped it into the conversation and talked openly about adoption. It is something we are doing and so far we have had no negative comments


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## Barbados Girl

Hi HSM

For the longest time the only people that knew were my best friend and my sister in law plus my husband's parents.  We have just recently told my parents, my three other best friends, my boss and a few of my husband's friends.  Everyone has been awesome and a little offended on our behalf that we have to go through so many tests/assessments etc.  I think they think we are amazing and we should be able to demand a child from the Local Authority, which is actually very sweet that they think so highly of us!


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## Ruthie82

Hello I wonder if I can join the thread?

We will be starting the process shortly. Have tried IVF, all failed had time out and now beginning this journey. Apprehensive and excited all at once!  We have told some people. After keeping quiet about infertility and IVF husband and I decided we're not going to be so secretive with adoption. People seem to take to adoption better than IVF or infertility!  

Does anyone know if the health form is a matter of Doctor giving relevant details or if it is more specific?

Also, would changing jobs as start of process delay adoption? I seem to find mixed things on this.


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## mafergal

Hi Ruthie, welcome to our group 

With regards to health and GP report 'The Adoption Agencies (Miscellaneous Amendments) Regulations 2013' say;

_PART 2
Report on the Health of the Prospective Adopter

1. Name, date of birth, sex, weight and height.

2. A family health history of the parents, any brothers and sisters and the children of the prospective adopter, with details of any serious physical or mental illness and any hereditary disease or disorder.

3. Infertility or reasons for deciding not to have children (if applicable).

4. Past health history, including details of any serious physical or mental illness, disability, accident, hospital admission or attendance at an out-patient department, and in each case any treatment given.

5. Obstetric history (if applicable).

6. Details of any present illness, including treatment and prognosis.

7. Details of any consumption of alcohol that may give cause for concern or whether the prospective adopter smokes or uses habit-forming drugs.

8. Any other relevant information which the adoption agency considers may assist the adoption panel and the adoption agency._

I've not had mine yet so cannot comment but in general the report costs approx £75 each and from what others have said a double appointment is required (20 mins). More info is detailed here http://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2013/985/made

As for changing jobs, I think it depends on other circumstances, nature of job change and reasons why. If it's for promotion/more stability/increased wages etc. then it's likely to be less of an issue. Maybe broach the subject with your LA or make contact with BAAF or another charity such as first4adoption who are happy to give advice on all adoption related queries.

Do you have dates for a prep course yet? Good luck on your journey


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## Hunibunni

Hi guys, received the agenda for prep yesterday and it looks like it will be very informative indeed! The only bit I'm dreading is the ice breaker section, I hate stuff like that. What on earth do you say to a room full of strangers??


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## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone,

Mafergirl - you're organised! Well done! I am hoping we get given forms on Saturday at our last day of prep.... they'll be filled out and in the post by Monday morning.  

We've told close family, referees and a couple of others. So far it's been (on the whole) positive. We've had a couple of ill thought out comments, but they were more to do with people not thinking before speaking, than any issues with adoption. People who I wasn't sure how they'd react have been wonderful, and the couple of dubious ones were people who I thought would be over the moon. People are funny, eh?  

Like you guys though, telling people about adoption is so much easier than talking about IVF. We didn't tell many people at all about IVF etc. and when we did you could tell people just wanted the conversation to be over. This is totally different. I feel different telling people too. In fact I am having to be really strict with myself to prevent me telling everyone!  

Hunnibunni - the ice breaker in our prep group was about names, we each had to tell the story (if there is one) about where our names came from. The SW's went first, and the more confident people went next (there wasn't an order, just whoever want to go next went). I am not good at talking to strangers, but it was surprisingly easy. It's totally different to how I expected it to be - everyone is there for the same reason, and all feel jsut as nervous. Don't worry about it, it'll not be as bad as you think!  

We have our last day of prep on Saturday.... I really hope they tell us what the protocol is for the next stage. I want to start ASAP!  

I hope everyone is well.


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## kimmieb

Hello!!

We are in the new system and first prep day is in November 

All going well so far, we have had our second extension for stage 1 because of getting all the info back, just waiting for DBS now I think (my council tax bill was too old to use which has delayed it!!) 

We finalised our volunteer work this morning - found a nursery in our village and re-arranged work hours so that we can do a couple of hours a week 

It's all starting to feel a bit more real now - after waiting so long and now its finally all happening!!! 

Getting excited


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## flickJ

Hi Kimmieb,

I know what you are going through, waiting for those DBS to come back   Are you tracking it online? I was checking it everyday to see if there was any change. It's so infuriating because it is the one thing you can't really control, just have to wait  

Congrats on arranging some voluntary work, it will certainly help  

Good luck for your prep course


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## Jacks girl

Aww thanks girls for the lovely welcome  barbados gir I found the abuse day hard had to offload to a friend afterwards and it took a few days to feel right afterwards. must admit some of the stories I heard I think will always stay with me. Prep was for us life changing in a good way because it helped us to focus on the nitty gritty of why adoption was so important to us but also because it equipped us with a better understanding of how a prospective LO would or might feel about another change in their life. Its help us made our mind up about how contact would feel and also the role of the foster carer. The biggest thing it left us with last weel was that depending on how we get on with the FC we potentially want to stay in contact with them after adoption because it really hit home to us that a potential LO would have already experienced a significant amount of loss in its young life. Its not eevryone's cup of tea for obvious reasons but we certainly feel that it is important to us to have them as a family friend or an 'aunty/uncle/nanny/grandad' role. 

Kimmieb enjoy your voluntary work hope all comes good with DBS check. Twinketoes one of my mates did the same at work engaged her mouth before her brain about how I must be mad but I heard her say that to someone who was pregnant once so I just think that's her humour about being a parent to small people now her son is 18 and she is grandma at 40 to her husband's children's children. Hunibunni good luck once the dreaded icebreaker is done and the course starts proper you will be fine. DH was dreading it as he is very quiet and we both really looked forward to going each week to learn but also to see the others on the course and chat. We are quite sad now its over. Just be yourself and don't worry. if the trainers have a good sense of humour and fun as ours did it will put you at ease. Hi Ruthie health worries me too as I am over weight and did have slightly elevated chloesterol but am exercising now so am hoping that goes in my favour. I am even going to offer them a print out from the leisure centre if SW wants to see how many times a week i go haha! Mafergal looking forward to chatting. HSM - I have told some more friends at work as I am a teacher and I started to get asked questions about what I was doing on my CPD course. Turns out last night the other assistant head knew about it even though I didn't tell her but I guess all the Senior leaders must now as they are also responsible for granting leave. 

Hope everyone has a fab weekend should be a dry but mild one! xx


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## Handstitchedmum

Hello Ruthie82 and welcome. =) Keep us updated when you get your prep dates!

It's interesting to hear how everyone has shared their adoption journey with people. My family lives abroad, and it would be more appropriate to inform them when we are approved and/or matched. We will need a PR campaign to manage the flow of information once it gets out to my (huge) family abroad.   It's going to take some thinking.

HSDad's family of course knows. They have been terribly polite and bring it up just enough to remind us that they care without disturbing our privacy. As our niece turns 2, we are becoming more excited to give her a cousin to play with.

Two more sleeps until prep group starts!


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## Barbados Girl

Hi Ruthie

Welcome.  My medical was a good twenty mins with lots of measurements, listening to heart and lungs, toe touching etc.  Apparently I have a less than 1% chance of having a heart attack in the next 20 years which is good to know!

Hunnibunni- you abandon any shyness or reticence fairly on in prep, I think.  I am not shy myself but some people in the group were a little more reserved so the trainers were careful to draw them out.

Today was the last day of prep and it was the absolute best.  We met an adoptive mum who was one of the coolest, together, happy and natural mums ever.  She had two little boys who were the cutest, funniest little things.  I could see everyone fighting the urge to sweep them up.  It was the perfect end to an incredible few days- meeting someone who was still breathless with joy at the amazing journey she had been on and so in love with her children brought it all home...that could be us soon!


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## mafergal

Barbadosgirl, thanks for sharing your prep experience. I can't wait to start! I've got 3 more sleeps so start the day after you HSM   I don't think I'll be getting an agenda tho like you hunibunni, maybe when we get there   I hate all the ice breaker stuff too, the only thing i hate more is role-playing! Is there any of that in prep?  

I think it was your last prep day today Twinkletoes, hope you enjoyed it. Did you get given all the forms you wanted & did they discuss home study with you? Interested as our LA's seem to be doing things quite similar.

Flick & kimmieb, I've been volunteering at my local surestart group, done 3 days now but can't do it fully as I'm waiting for that DBS check to come back   it's good but totally alien to me & I do feel like a fish out of water. Think I find it harder because the parents are there & they don't know me. But hopefully that will all change when I've been doing it a while. Further down the line i want to volunteer at the nursery where I will want LO to go.

Brummiemill, my DW is SLT & is finding it hard to keep things quiet. Luckily she only has to consult with the Head about leave. I also notice that you are in my area/neck of the woods so we have a few things in common.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. I'm on nights (hence the time of this post) so not much of a weekend for me   x


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## Nicola30

Hi everyone

We have prep in January - we made our initial enquiry to the LA very recently and were offered a place on prep this coming week. After much discussion decided to hold back until January to just catch our breath with things.

We have told a few people, and the support and encouragement is amazing! I firstly told my office friends and most of them cried because they know how much being a Mum means to me which was really encouraging.

DH's parents (especially Mum) are ecstatic and already planning a nursery :-/ my parents are really happy for us but I think my Mum is slightly more reserved on what she really things deep down - hoping this can be explored more once the SW speaks to them. Watch this space...

My biggest concern has been my niece (9) and nephew (8. We are really close with them and they are completely the most important people at their house, my parents house and also my house. From a young age they have understood we can't have children because "Aunty has a poorly tummy which means babies can't grow" and they understand (in a child's way) about adoption. I have been trying to do nice things with them and drop little things in about how special they are and how much we all love them... Hoping it won't change things, but they won't be the babies any more. Just have it see how it all goes before we tell them anything yet.

My Bro & SIL (who we aren't massively close to) are really excited to become an Aunty and Uncle and have been really supportive, finding information and telling us of one if their close friends experience which has been really great in bonding us a little closer.

Overall, everyone we have told has been so so happy - and like others have said, they seem so annoyed we have to follow the process when the LA should be throwing kids at us as they think we will be so great at this. (Fingers crossed!) I never knew how highly some people thought of us until the last couple of weeks which has been so emotionally encouraging.

After coming back down to earth in the last few days, I am now on worrying and stress mode before our SW visit on Tuesday... Argh! 04:05 and can't sleep! 

At our initial visit last week, the lady who came out explained the process and that we were on the new process - she told us it's most likely we can be through the process in 6 months even though we won't go to prep until Jan as we can do other things around it and that can just be something to be ticked off after we start stage 2? Has anyone else had this? She made out we were very much so doing the LA a favour and even asked us if we have a blue/pink pref and what age we really want.

It's great to have people who understand and to share these thoughts, anxieties, fears and excitement with. 

Good luck everyone and here's to many probable adoption highs and lows. Eek! #Excited

Ps: is it necessary to do voluntary working with children? This hasn't been mentioned to me... Another thing to add to my worry list haha xxx


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## mafergal

Hi again Nicola   it's great you have so many supportive people around you. The reason me & a few others are doing volunteer work with children is because of a lack of experience with little ones. None of my family or friends have children so i don't currently have references who can talk about how i am around children. This solves it, plus they love key words like surestart & it shows them you are dedicated.

As for the stages, what takes time in stage 1 is all the checks. The prep course is 3/4 days so not long in the scheme of things so what your SW has told you sounds about right. They sound keen to get you through. I'd just say some people find prep hard & it's not uncommon for people to drop out (not saying you will but agencies usually want prep done asap for this reason so they don't use resources & their time unnecessarily).If they're happy to do it that way then go with it


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## Nicola30

Hi Mafergal,

Ahhh! That explains it then - thanks for that.
I think they are very keen to get us through, they told us they have an abundance of babies they need in their forever homes in our area but people just aren't adopting up here   so they are keen to see us through...

Having a day working on family trees, and our life timeline today - not as hard as I thought it would be  

X


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## GoofyGirl

Hi Nicola

Welcome!  
My LA is the same in that prep group comes towards the end. We have had one training day so far and then main prep probably Jan too. 
They say their new process works this way. The one day training is supposed to sort out the keen from the not so keeners.  We are still keen  

Great to hear you have support. Our friends and family are the same, i keep crying with emotion at all the lovely things they are saying to us. It's so nice isn't it? 

I am going to apply for voluntary work in a nursery because it have near zero experience with toddlers / young children and don't want to panic when LOs come home, or look silly in front of FC!

Like Mafergal says its only necessary of you don't have experience. 

Good luck xxxx


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## flickJ

Hi Nicola, 

Welcome to the forum   Good luck with your journey - it all sounds very positive for you  
As for voluntary work, we have started to volunteer at Scouts and somehow got conned into opening a new Beaver Scout Colony   However the SW was really impressed when we mentioned it  

It is not essential, but helps in some cases where recent contact is needed.

Nice to have you onboard,


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## Melaniesunflower

Prep starts tomorrow evening!! We then have a further 3  full days starting on Sunday! Feeling a little apprehensive about what will happen as we didn't get any sort itinerary. Wish us luck!


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## Nicola30

That's great - thanks everyone! 
Feeling much calmer tonight, had a day of scrubbing every nook and cranny of the house - DH even helped  
Wow flick - that's really cool! Good on ya   
Good luck for tomorrow Melanie!  
X


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## JenJJ

Hello all, really pleased I found this thread and hope you don't mind me joining? Dh and I are are nearly at the end if our prep course, it's been full on exhausting, funny as I couldn't sleep before prep as I was nervous but now I am just shattered, have really enjoyed it so far. Dh and I have become closer did not think that was at at all possible! but maybe it's just me to him as he's been great on the course, really involved, asking the right questions, making valid comments and basically impressing me!! Think we make a great team!  I guess during TX it was all me, well I felt like it was, my body, the hormones, the failure etc its all new that he is now properly involved in this process iykwim? Our dbs forms are in and we had our medicals last month, we formally submit our actual application after prep! 
Anyway enough waffling! so nice to meet you all and I look forward to chatting and us all sharing this exciting and wonderful journey together.


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## mafergal

Welcome Jen, you are in a great place! There ate quite a few of us doing stage 1   I start prep tomorrow (v excited!) and wanted to say good luck/enjoy your first prep days HSM and Melanie and anyone else I may have missed


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## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone,

Hello to Nicola and JenJJ. This board is getting quite busy now!  

We had our last day of prep on Saturday - it was all about the legal side of things, and they had a brilliant couple there who'd adopted which was really good to listen to.

They emailed all the forms etc today, and apart from DH's bits that I can't answer, they're all completed and ready to submit. Once he's home tonight and filled his bits in, then I'll send them back... I hope they get back to us soon!  

Re. voluntary work, once I have my DBS check thing back then I am going to look for voluntary work at the local school/playgroup. The SW said it wouldn't hurt to have some, so I figure it'll keep me busy whilst we do the home assessment, and will hopefully give me a bit more confidence for when we bring a LO home. 

I hope everyone who started prep today has enjoyed it, and those who start tomorrow - good luck!


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## Handstitchedmum

Loved our first day! I'm well excited! Will catch up tomorrow after the second day.


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## Nicola30

Glad you enjoyed it - can't wait to hear more!
Home assessment for us tomorrow -   All should be ok !
Eeek x


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## Hunibunni

Hi all x

Had a great first day of prep but absolutely shattered just like you HSM! Survived the ice breaker and just quickly introduced myself  

A couple came in who had recently adopted and they were a delight to listen to and quite open and real, I enjoyed that the most.

I have another full day tomorrow so early night for me will try and update you then

Xx


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## mafergal

On the hour and a half train journey to day 1 prep


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## Hunibunni

Day 2 of prep was very thought provoking discussing different types of abuse and neglect and also attachment.  Was very interesting indeed.

How was your first day Mafergal and how did you get on today HSM?

Hi to everyone else how are you all doing?

Xx


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## mafergal

Hi Hunibunni, day 1 was a bit of a mixed bag. Tbh i got the most out of the first hour. We went through various forms, given our medical forms, home study book, provided our dbs documents so that will be submitted tomorrow if it's not already  This was done by our allocated social worker who we keep right through the process (which i think is brilliant!) She visited us on our home visit & she has been our main point of contact so far so we are really pleased.

Also our agency seem very up on the timescale's. We were told stage 2 will start in Dec & that when we start it we'll be given a panel date to work towards. Already got a home visit booked in for Dec. Very efficient! We could in theory be at panel in Apr!    Of course we can slow things a little of we feel it os going a little too fast. So really happy we have clear time scales & know how things will progress... think I may have mentioned before that I'm a planner  

The rest of the day was good, a few group activities. I've read so much & got so much experience of prep from here that I felt I knew everything we went through today but it has done wonders for my confidence  

We have some homework to do, need to fill in the long med form & book in with a gp - honestly it's like we're trying to book an appointment with the queen!

Feeling very positive though & looking forward to day 2.

Hope your prep is going well, & yours HSM.

How was your home assessment Nicola? Looking forward to hearing how it went  

Hope everyone else is good x


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## Nicola30

Hi Mafergal & Hunnibunni!   

So pleased you enjoyed it - when are you both on your next day? 

Home visit went ok - unsure if I was reading too much in to things, but feeling anxious about things still. SW said some things in relation to house being very clean and tidy, which initially went down great with me but now I am worrying she might think we are anally retentive about cleaning and how a baby would fit in with that (can you tell I am a worrier?) lol!

Filled all paperwork in too today -  didn't realise we were doing that today   so I didn't have documents to hand - all sorted now, sorted it all at work and dropped it all in at the LA office on way home tonight. SW just asked for them before end of week so I am hoping we got brownie points for being straight back with them. 

SW was very nice, unsure if we "clicked" but I am hoping she was just trying to get a feel for who we are and what we are about and trying to push us a little to see if she thinks we will drop out when the going gets tough.

She is going to send a copy of the questions she wants to run through with referees before she makes appointments to visit. She is also going to see my parents, DH's parents and my brother in coming weeks too (eek!).

All seems so real today  

SW also said today once the LA has confirmed dates in place for January prep, she will get us booked straight in and start looking at which panel date we are aiming for (she mentioned May) so long as we get organised and have as much work done in place for stage 2 as poss. Needless to say, I have spent this evening doing family trees and Eco maps.

I hope our dream of being parents finally gets to come true - I am so looking forward to spending the next few months of our "adoption pregnancies" with you guys and going though the highs and lows.    

Can't wait for your next installments


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## Hunibunni

Hi Nicola

My next prep session is Monday and the last one is Tuesday and I am really looking forward to it 

I'm glad your home visit went well. I know what you mean about not really knowing how it went but when I read the initial home visit report the sw was quite accurate with how she saw our personalities...quite scary really!

All my referees have had their questionnaires and have sent them back although not sure my work has received theirs yet but I've only just started telling colleagues so when they see me stressed they'll know why! 

Xx


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## twinkletoes13

Hi guys,

It looks like everyone is steaming ahead! This is just a quick post because I am supposed to be getting dinner organised....

We got our SW allocated today, and have our first HS appointment in two weeks time. I can't wait! 

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend!


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## Hunibunni

Wow Twinkletoes that's great news!!


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## Dawn7

Hi Handstitchmum and all,

Please can I join your thread as I have been officially told our prep course is booked for November.

We had our first home visit last week and our 2nd visit yesterday, was given our sw name and advised she'd be in touch and advised we are at the start of stage 1.

Our referee's (and work reference) have been sent their questionnaires, we need to book medicals and pet assessment with a professional dog handler asap.

We've a plan of what to and what's needed for the next 8 weeks, it's all go go go!

Had a heart attack over worksheet lol I've never really analysised or really thought why i do or have done things  on the plus side i had an ace childhood and look forward to remembering experiencing from then.

Looking forward to sharing stories and experiences with you all 

D x


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## Nicola30

Evening all!

Welcome Dawn - this is a great group where we are all kinda at the same stage 

Really does sound like everyone is go go go! Eeek! So exciting.

I am double excited today, my best friend has told me that she and her DH are going to join us on our adoption journey and try to become adoptive parents. I am super chuffed, and can't wait to share this journey with her  we are two peas from the same pod and we have gone through all of our ups and downs together, was slightly apprehensive about telling her as for all I knew she would be pleased for me, I knew she would feel sad (guess we've all been there) :-(  
Turns out I was right, she has been upset, her and DH have had "the chat" and are going to explore further, fingers crossed it works our for her and she gets it come on the same prep as us  

My referees have had a list if questions nailed out to them by SW today, and she will contact them all next week to make appointments to visit them all (scaryyyyy!)  

Been reading some books past few nights - makes for interesting thoughts! Does anyone know of any good books/websites with any interesting info to be found?
  
X


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## Melaniesunflower

Just finished day 2 (session 2&3), very interesting, but a bit heavy and thought provoking. Our group shrunk today from 2 to 3 couples! Another 2 Sundays to go


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## flickJ

Hi Everyone,

Welcome to this thread Dawn, hope your journey goes smoothly and you manage to complete all you need  

We have the third prep session tomorrow, apparently a bit of a 'full-on', with one more left next Monday   

We have also been told that we have now completed stage one, been appointed a SW and will start stage two on Friday


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## mafergal

Hey Flick, we had our day two prep today. It was told to us it would be full on and i went in with tissues & comfort clothes expecting the worse. Have to say it was tame in comparison. I've done so much reading and research that it wasn't anything i wasn't prepared for & i came out strangely feeling very confident & positive. Having said that others on our group appeared genuinely shocked at everything we covered. 

Day 3 next week, told this will be lighter. I'm halfway through the home study book, spent the afternoon on family tree & eco map. Hope to have the home study book completed to send at the end of this week  

Welcome to everyone new to this thread  So nice to see so many at the same stage x


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## flickJ

Glad to here you are finding Prep such a positive experience  . 

I agree that if you are prepared and have done your homework on the subjects, reading up on adoption etc., then the things covered are less of a shock and more things that you need to know and understand  

We completed this course during our failed adoption last year, and as you say it gives you a strange feeling of confidence and positivity through the knowledge you gain


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## Barbados Girl

Glad to hear prep is going well for everyone.  I found it a great experience.  Can't wait to get started on the homestudy.  Just need to get a home first...!


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## Dawn7

Hi All,

Hope everyone's still super excited!

Found out over the weekend our bosses and our referee's have received their questionnaires Eek! hope they're all kind lol

Also dog has to have an assessment so that is all booked for next week, to confirm if he's low to high risk at the cost of £85 I think he'll put some training into place too by the sounds of it haha

Nicola30 - does seem like everyone is at the same stage, which is handy, book wise we bought the adopter's handbook which is easy to follow but was based on the old process though. Also we were given a list of books by our sw, which she said we may find helpful, let me know if you want me to list them lol

Flick - Thanks, hope the rest of your journey runs smoothly too 

Also congrats on completing stage 1 and going into stage 2, can't wait to be at that point x

Speak soon xx


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## Handstitchedmum

Hello all! I feel like I can finally come up for air!

Finally finished prep group.  I plan to write up my notes in my blog later. Things are moving forward at a nice pace now. We made some friends with the fellow participants and I especially liked the diversity of the group. HSDad and I are both looking forward to the next steps and feel quite ready to proceed. I wasn't sure how or when we would feel this way (confident and capable) so I'm really rather glad we have managed it. I can't wait to see the rest of our prep group with their children! 

Hunibunni, mafergal, Melaniesunflower, flickJ.. bet you are as tired as me! Now that it has finished, I feel a bit down, actually.

Nicola30, glad to hear you are getting sorted! Two couples on our prep group had already started stages 1 and/or 2. I can't imagine waiting so long to do prep group. It really gave me a lot more confidence in the process.

twinkletoes13, I hope you click with the SW and homestudy goes well. Have you finished stage 1 already?

Barbados Girl, I hope you get some good news about a flat so you can get started on the home study. Keep us in the loop. =)

Dawn7, hello and welcome! I hope things go well with your home study. How is your partner faring? Some of the people in my prep group were not looking forward to doing the 'homework' for home study, as it sounded like a lot of writing. Have you been given a deadline for completing it?


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## Ruthie82

Thank you for the welcomes

Sorry I haven't been on since my first post, I have wanted to but have had many things on which weren't expected and so on.

I have enjoyed catching up and reading everyones post, lovely to read such uplifting things

Hubby and I have our interview booked with agency and will need to supply 4 of our references then also.  Happy yet anxious but I know that is pretty normal.

Ruth x


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## mafergal

Hi HSM, it is quite a bit of writing.  Luckily we were emailed the form so are able to type our responses.  Not sure if they are all the same/similar but ours has 21 questions/sections and depending on the section several questions within that.  This includes the family tree and eco map.  We got ours on the first day of prep and DW has completed hers already    Having said that I did the tree and eco map   I've done about 13 of the sections, it is a lot of writing/typing but I suppose it depends on your history and childhood.  I thought mine would be very simple but turns out I have a lot to say  

I'd say I've spent about 18 hours on it so far and we weren't given a deadline but asked to complete it as soon as we could as it would be useful for our SW to have when she speaks to our references.  But I know some people have had reference checks before they get the home study book.  I got the impression it needs to be completed before stage 2 begins.

Hi Dawn, our references are being sent for this week and they will all be seen by Nov.  It is pretty scary and real, i think more so than the prep.  But exciting  

Hi Ruthie, know exactly what you mean.  I've found stage 1 to be all go, happy and anxious sums it up really well  

Hi to everyone else, hope everything it ticking along nicely x


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Hope ur all doing well and not stressing out too much 

Handstitchedmum - Thanks for the welcome, seems like ur way ahead of us  DH is struggling and getting a little bit frustrated with some of the questions. But he's said some really nice things to me, so this is making us stronger people. I get the impression worksheets have to be completed by week 8. We've broken the work load with our sw over the 8 weeks, so we're not doing it all at once.

Mafergal - I hand typed our worksheets lol the part that we fill in separately and as a couple - twice one for each of us  think it does need to be completed by end of  stage 1.

xx


----------



## twinkletoes13

Hi All,

Everyone seems to be whizzing along. How are things going?

Handstitchedmum - I am not sure what stage 1 entails, and what's stage 2.... We're in Scotland so is it the same? Our agency just have everything under the heading of Home Study which they aim to take between 4 and 6 months. Sorry, that's not much use!  

We're getting our homework next week - I have to say I can't wait. I really want to get my teeth into it. I'm going to be a total homework nerd and have it all done asap.  

How is everyone feeling after prep? Last weekend was our first without it, and I did miss it. It's weird how quickly you get used to things. Who still has prep to go?

How's the flat issue, BarbadosGirl?

Nicola30 - the best book I have read so far is Real Children, Real Parents by Holly van Gulden. There's a child development book, 'What Every Parent Needs to Know' which is good too. I think there's a book list in the resources section that lists loads. Stay away from The Primal Wound though - I haven't read it, but I've read the reviews and I don't think it seems to do anyone any good.

I hope everyone is doing well.


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi all

Hope everyone is ok

Apologies for my absenteeism but after finishing prep on Tuesday I was totally exhausted! So that's us all done and dusted with the prep course so just waiting to be allocated a social worker for home study. All references have been done, DBS sent off and waiting for that to come back so all I needed to do was book the Medicals.  When I rang the GP surgery I was met with the receptionist saying "sorry we are not undertaking Medicals for the foreseeable future".  Well I wasn't expecting that so it floored me a bit. Apparently one of the GP's has been off on long term sick and they don't know when he will come back so cannot justify the extra time it takes for medicals! They said I can book with another surgery but that means without my records! I'm currently waiting to hear from the adoption agency what can be done or if this will delay us progressing to stage 2.  So here I am waiting to here fizzing away gently!!

Hope everyone else is well.  Big apols for my 'me' post as I can't read back at messages on my phone

Xx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Hi Guys

Hunnibunni, HSM- glad you enjoyed prep.  Intense but good, no?

Mafergal- I have the hs questionnaire too but I don't know when exactly I have to do it.

Sorry if I have missed anyone, but great to hear everyone's news.  We have a panel date of 26 Feb so let's hope this flat goes through so we can get hs done.  Provisionally due to exchange on 11 Nov...


----------



## Handstitchedmum

I think we have had a taste for the writing that is ahead of us.... Our agency sent us the application which is a huge booklet of questions!!  We did part of it today and will do more this weekend. It is all very exciting. 

I'm not sure if it is different in Scotland, but in England the new system is split into stage 1 (checks and homework) and stage 2 (home study). The result is still the same, but briefer: prospective adopter report. Supposedly it concentrates more n the social worker's analysis? If I were a family finder, I would find that very frustrating. People will never analyse things in a consistent way....!

I'm glad more of us are finishing prep group. This will be our last quiet christmas for a long time, and I hope you all have something special planned for the holiday season.


----------



## mafergal

Hello all, how is everyone going?  I know a few have finished prep so could possibly be starting the next stage?

I finished my home study book and sent that off to my SW today.  Feel a bit lost now as there is lots going on in the background (checks, Ref. checks etc) but nothing for me to get my teeth into.  It's a case of waiting for our first home study session in December where we should be told the panel date we are aiming for.

HSM, would love to say we have a fab Xmas planned but I have to work on Christmas day and the following 5 days after   but hopefully next Christmas will be magical  

I hope you are all well x


----------



## Melaniesunflower

We'll we did day 3 yesterday and it was tough going! Dh seemed to find it particularly difficult, he says it was because they didn't seem to want to answer certain questions (which did seem to be the case) but I wander if the day just hit a bit too close to home about his own childhood, which wasn't ideal. Hopefully the last day will be a little easier


----------



## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone!

I hope everyone is well?

We had our first home study visit this week. We did our family trees, ecomap and life timeline things. We've got our medical forms, and our disclosure forms to sort out. We've also got a pile of homework to do. The SW is coming out again in two weeks, it would have been one but she's away next week. She said there's no rush for getting the homework done..... But I'm going to have it done for her next visit. 

HSM - I am still none the wiser whether we're stage one or two, the SW said they just do everything all at the same time. I wish they all did things in the same way, it'd be easier for everyone to understand.  

I hope the last day of prep went better Melaniesunflower?

I'm sorry you're working over Christmas, Mafergirl. We're planning Christmas on our own this year - we're going to totally slob out and enjoy our (hopefully) last Christmas as just a twosome.  

I hope everyone is having a nice weekend!


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi all, hope you are all well.  Has everyone finished prep now?  I'm not sure, I think I may have lost track!   
Well I think the problems with my medicals may be sorted as I have a provisional date and will find out early next week if it is definitely going to take place   

I've not heard anything back from the adoption agency about being allocated a SW yet for HS but perhaps they are waiting for DBS checks etc.  I know all my referees have sent back their questionnaires and my employment reference has been done.  I feel like I'm twiddling my thumbs waiting.  I suppose I have to get used to that   

Mafergal - I wish I had a home study book just so at least I feel like I'm doing something!

Twinkletoes - I'm well jel you've started HS    

Melaniesunflower - How was your last day of prep?  Some days it was hard going.  Death by Powerpoint!

HSM - I'm having a busy Chrimbo with family so will be busy, busy busy!!  Looking forward to it tho.  It's the lead up to it I hate, all the running around you have to do. 

Hope everyone is having a great weekend.  

XX


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Seems that everyone's still progressing nicely 

Mafergal -  I'm the same as you, i'm working over xmas and New year. 

Hunni Bunni - Glad your medicals are kinda booked, that there's still some hope, fingers crossed they don't mess you around and they get done.
How was your prep course, did you get separated from ur Husband for a group task and did you get told they'd be watching you individually, on how you are?

We've been given confirmation that our's our this Friday and our doggie's assessment went really well, he's officially low risk haha

Will look forward to hearing about everyone's updates
xxx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Hey guys, looks like everyone is getting on well!  So exciting, this time next year most of us should be parents!


----------



## Melaniesunflower

Had our last group today, it was much better than last week!! There was a clue that had adopted about a year ago and it was really great to hear that their fears and worries had been the same as ours. Socials workers seemed to question them a lot, but we got a good positive message from them, they also left contact details. We also shared contact with the other couple on our course, it'll be nice to keep I contact. Overall what we took from the classes is to take what they have said with a pinch of salt and expect everything, but nothing. We're looking forward to having our weekends back! I'm going to Edinburgh with a friend next weekend to meet up with other friends and it'll be nice to get back to normal, also have the chance to go see my parents who stay about 120 miles away and it really needs a weekend to visit. I hope everyone else has had a good week!


----------



## flickJ

Pleased your last day went better and you managed to get some great contact (SW will be pleased  )

I agree, what you are told on these courses is always worst case scenario, but I also believe you need to know as much as you can to be able to have the confidence to know what and how to deal with any situation, should it arise  

Our SW keeps stressing for us to keep reading and researching what we can in preparation, and it has certainly opened my eyes to what I can or cannot deal with regarding children  

Hope you have a nice weekend away, and get back to a bit of normality


----------



## Handstitchedmum

Glad things are progressing for people. 

We are plodding along at our slow pace as usual! I wouldn't be surprised if we didn't start home study until January!


----------



## MummyPhinie

Hi I am new! Read this thread and wasn't sure if we are too late to join you as buddies. We have had initial visit, now submitting forms (which seems slightly different to other people). Once they receive these we are meant to be contacted within 5 days to let us know if we can continue with stage 1 and begin checks.  Have already been given dates for prep training although not booked on, so we can look at what is possible, hoping for Jan. Think the sw wanted to snap us up as we would be happy to have a sibling group!! was very excited to find this message board and see how supportive everyone is being to each other. Hopefully be nice to get to know you all over the next year!   
x


----------



## Caroline S

Hi!
Hope you don't mind me joining you.  I need to read back to find out more about you all.
We have our prep course on 8th Nov, its been delayed for a few months due to other commitments, so hope that things will soon speed up again for us.
So far, our SW has been great, very understanding to our needs and thinks that we should have no problems with the adoption process.
Starting to get very excited about what the next year has in stall for us!


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, welcome Phinie & Caroline   There are a fair few of us on here at this stage and it's great to read everyone's progress. Its also good to see how different the agencies work and the different orders they do things in. Phinie, my VA worked like yours but they rushed ours through to get us on the prep course that was 3 weeks away.

Dawn, it's rubbish we have to work over Christmas   I'm hoping it's the last time in a long while that I will have to do it!

Hunibunni, have you got your home study book yet? May be worth asking your SW for it, or just make a start doing your family tree and eco map. Also if you didn't do one in prep a time line of ups & downs in your life from birth. It will help you to pass the time.

AFM I'm still twiddling my thumbs a little, been making my way through the reading list & extra books DW added to it. Our family reference received their questionnaire at the weekend. I also had an extra form to fill in for additional forces checks. DW & I made the most of the weekend & her half term hol to make a start clearing part of our garden that will be a playground. Long way to go yet but it's a start. Still waiting for our gp to get back to us to book our medicals, we paid the invoice as soon as it arrived but haven't heard anything.

Hope everyone is doing well & making progress


----------



## do dreams come true

hi we have just been accepted on to stage one of adoption and lucky enough our prep course is 31s oct and 1 nov. Just visit from SW and been given lots of reading and things to fill in


----------



## tinkerbell80

Just popping in, not much to report but seems like it is on a go slow. They have reccomended that we have our medicals early on. And it is a case of waiting I am so impatient


----------



## flickJ

Oh no, two Tinkerbell's ....... confusing  

Welcome Phinie and Caroline, good luck on Stage One of the process  

HSM, Mafergal and anyone who is in limbo,  ing for some good news for you and you can move on soon, its hard waiting but at least you are moving along (slowly)


----------



## tinkerbell80

I thought that too! It could get very confusing. As part of our tasks we need too read up more on adoption, this is proving very hard as most of the books cover old processes. Can anyone reccomend any for me 
I have had an interesting week and a lightbulb moment regarding some members of my extended family and have made the tough and hard decision to remove them from my life due to my sisters inability to parent and keep her kids safe. Her Sw is aware of our plans to adopt and have said if the brown smelly stuff hits the fan we will be there for the children. 
I also feel her issues would affect us and any decisions that were made. Since I vented my issues on ** I have felt a lot better as though a weight has gone.


----------



## do dreams come true

ooops sorry i should of read further didn't know there was another tinkerbell  

hi to everyone just got back from prep course day 1 which we both found very tiring but interesting. Looking forward to day 2 tomorrow. x


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi all, Welcome Phinie, Caroline S & Twinkletoes2011 nice to have you with us 

Happy Halloween!!  I'm currently hiding in the lounge with the lights off as I forgot to buy Halloween sweets!  Mind you I bought loads last year and I didn't get one knock at the door!!  Just meant I had to eat them all  

Still no news as regards to home study but my medical appointment has finally been confirmed!! YAY!!

Mafergal - I started doing my Ecomap with lots of circles and wiggly lines coming off them DH says it looks like a lot of sperms...any need!  Took me ages!! Oh well, if anything it made us laugh.  Don't think i'll get an A* tho   

Oh well...back to my twiddling thumbs and hiding   Hope you're having some Halloween fun girls

XX


----------



## Caroline S

Hi!

It all seems to be moving on quickly for us suddenly....we have been asked to see our SW next week with medical forms, do our DBS check and take in evidence, also been given our homework which includes loads of forms, health and safety assessment (this made me laugh!), ecomap, etc.  Also our friends have been sent a pack for our reference....eek! 
We had fun tonight, took DD trick or treating with some friends, she was so tired when we got back, but managed 1 bag of sweets before crashing!


----------



## Hunibunni

Just a little update from me...been allocated a social worker so just waiting to hear from her about when home study starts! Getting a little bit excited! 

Xx


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Welcome to all the newbies on hear 

We had a visit from our SW on Monday to go through documents and Adopters charter.
We have our next visit in 2 weeks and have been told to complete our home sheets and also we're hoping all references are back, we've had our CRB certificates back. Me and DH have our medicals later today, not looking forward to the unknown.

Has anyone been told that they're now on stage 2? Our sw said once all checks and references are back, we discuss going onto stage 2, then we'll get an invite if everything's ok, finger's  crossed we all get there 

Also it's National Adoption week next week and starting on Monday This Morning are covering adoption x

Hunni Bunni - glad u have ur medical date and a sw assigned for home study, does this mean ur officially in stage 2? exciting times x

Speak to u all soon and have a lovely weekend xx


----------



## twinkletoes13

Hi all,

Sorry I have been AWOL for a while - I have been doing my homework!  

Hunnibunni - Fantastic news! Congratulations! You must be over the moon.

Dawn - our agency don't have a stage one or two so I can't really help, sorry. 

Hello to all the new people - we're quite a busy little gang now, aren't we?  

DH and I have our medicals next Tuesday - after reading how difficult it has been for people to get their medicals booked/paid for etc. I was prepared for a battle, but they just booked us in straight away, just got to get through them now. 

I have now done all my home work, but I'm a bit worried I've written too much - our SW said there was no word count or anything, but that's not stopping me worrying.   DH is going to read it all through this weekend and make sure I haven't waffled too much. He still needs to do his…. 

Our SW is coming out again next week to get our DBS forms, medicals, and our homework. Everything seems to be going along at a really nice pace, I just hope it stays like this. 

I hope everyone is well, sorry I haven't done personal catch up things - there are just too many!


----------



## tinkerbell80

I am just doing the list of people who would be our support network. It looks pretty bare. 
Can I put colleagues down


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi Tinkerbell80 - I've put down work colleagues down for mine as some are really close friends.  At the end of the day we spend a lot of time with our colleagues.  I've often had a good rant, a good cry and some great laughs in work, why not put it down, nothing says you can't! Hope that helps.

xx


----------



## tinkerbell80

Eek now it feels real, I have got the dates and registration of interest forms through. I have started to fill them in and have advised the parents that I am closed on these dates. 
On another note we have decorated another room in our house the hallway and landing so it is feeling more like our house rather than the previous occupants.  Have any of you decorated the LO's room yet. It needs repainting and we are going to decorate it ready.


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi Tink I have put work colleagues down on our support network as my Grandmother says we spend must if our waking life at work as well as with family. Had medical forms through and one family member has confirmed they have had a reference request. Still wondering if we are due to be allocated a SW any time this year! They have a weekly meeting so hope we are discussed soon :/ xx


----------



## tinkerbell80

Jacks girl, mine are all other childminders, and I see on a regular basis. I have just gone through the process to make my friend my assistant so hopefully she can assist me with mindees so that I don't have to close completely. 
We do spend all our lives at work and if we can't count on colleague's for support then it is not good. Oh well best go and restore order to the house decorating finished until my next day off as have one wall left to paint. 
That is going to be a black board


----------



## claudia6662

Hey all, i have 2 prep groups next week , homework to do before the 29th of november and then find out on the 2nd of dec if we are going ahead with stage two. 

Wish everyone well and luck , it is so exciting and feel so much better ( after having some words with the mother)


----------



## tinkerbell80

Claudia, good luck with the courses and the progression onto Stage 2, hopefully everything of ours should come back through quickly I have advance warned our references that they will be getting in touch, we will also be quite speedy with DBS because we have had checks done for my job. 

Quick Question.. Do I have to put families that use my childminding down as well as due to data protection I don't want to do this unless I have to.


----------



## Jacks girl

Hey all well today some things have moved on up on planet adoption, three reference request made by Agency and our medical forms have come through in post all dated yesterday so all three come out by 1st class post. Sent an email yesterday morning about our DBS checks having come through. Opinions speculations wanted do we think it's a sign SW is going to soon be allocated or just the beginning of the end of stage one? Any views mucho valued. Am just glad something is finally happening to prove they haven't forgotten about us lol. 

Hi to everyone xxx


----------



## Jacks girl

Claudia, Tinks, Mafergal, Hunnibuni and anyone else in limbo hopefully we are on our way soon xx


----------



## Caroline S

That's a good idea to put colleagues down, mine have been very supportive over the years with our IVF treatment and other things we have been through.  I know that they will be very supportive for the adoption, so for me they are an important part of our support network.

Tinkerbell 80 - we are getting round all the rooms in our house.  When our SW came for the first visit in May we had the lounge, hall/stairs/landing, our room, DDs room and the spare/new LOs room to do.  She told us to get decorating quick, so we did, so just DDs room to do in a few weeks time, then leaving the spare room til we know we are getting a new LO and then involve our DD to decorate it and help to explain to her whats happening.

Jacks girl - don't you have a SW yet?  I know each LA is different, we were allocated a SW from the start but warned that she might change.  So far we still have her which is nice when we complete the forms as we keep emailing her daft questions which she politely replies and helps us with! 

Tomorrow and Monday night we need to spend some time going through all the paperwork they have sent through so that we can hopefully get to the end of stage 1 quickly.

Hope you are all enjoying the weekend and fireworks!  We didn't go out in the end as it has been pouring it down all day!


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi CarolineS nope we had a lady come out to do the initial visit but apparently someone comes out and is allocated to us. The letters were from manager but PPd and the first initial has got me thinking we get allocated the SW who has been there years and is male which would be better for hubster in a way. But am purely speculating lol. Am doing same today getting hubster to do his paperwork and finishing my own. I hope it is the male SW as have heard he is very experienced and pro active xx


----------



## mafergal

Hello everyone, we are becoming a busy little thread   Welcome to all newbies!

I'll just get us out of the way, no real change, still waiting. All our refs filled out their questionnaire's last week & MIL got a call from our SW on Fri to arrange the face to face this month! I do like how quick & on the ball she is  

Claudia, good luck with prep! Hope you get the issue with your DP's DBS out of the way so you can really focus  

Jacksgirl, it's great when things move at a good pace. I am so happy with my agency & SW & hope things continue at this pace, hate waiting around when there is no need.

Hunibunni... LOL @ your eco map!

Tinkerbell80, work colleagues are fine. DW & I put a work colleague each, as already said we spend most of our time with them. I also put down this forum as I believe it really is a source of support.

HSM, could we possibly change the name of this thread to 'Adoption buddies - Prep Autumn/Winter hoping for approval spring/early summer 2014' or something similar to keep it going as people start stage 2 etc?


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

With the support network they do want friends and family etc but they also want to see a very practical element too. They want to see a number of people who live near you so work colleagues are are great because they tend to be near by. Also I put a  few neighbours we aren't close but do say hi and chat over the wall so if one of us was rushed to hospital or something like that they would sit with the kids till a relative or close friend could get there. Sw was pleased with that because they like the prepared for any crisis mindset x x


----------



## Duckeggblue

Hi, sounds like things are happening for everyone
Today should be day 1 of stage two for us if we are working to the new timescales of stage one being 2 months. We have done all our homework, all our referees - personal and work have done their bit, we have had our medical and attended stage one training etc. The only thing outstanding is the return of our DBS check. This has so far taken 7 weeks. I called the council for an update and was told it can take upto 90 days to come back! That's means it could take another 5 weeks.!
So that puts us in limbo now as SW will not start stage two with us until it comes back. The stage two training is booked for 19/ 20th Nov and we will not be able to attend that either if we don't get this form. 
Anyone else had a similar situation? I find it frustrating that this wasn't done sooner by our SW if this is how long they take. We first registered an interest in March this year but were held back July because of the new system. They then kept us waiting again until Sept to start stage one to fit in with training dates.


----------



## mafergal

Not had my adoption dbs back yet (not sure when it was officially submitted) but I also had to get one for my volunteer work & that came back exactly a week after being submitted! No idea why it would take 90 days. Could be worth asking for the Ref number & chasing it yourself? It goes through stages of completion so you could get an idea of how much of it has been completed. That's why the electronic version is best because you can keep yourself updated with it's progress. Speak to your SW about it, I'm sure they can be flexible about you starting stage 2 based on everything else that is completed... x


----------



## claudia6662

Had my first prep group tonight and had such a good time. We got to know other couples and things i didnt know before. I feel totally back on track with this process and looking forward to the full day one of wednesday. How is everyone elses going?


----------



## tinkerbell80

Claudia, our first course is not until December, but am hoping to have most important things such as DBS done and references underway.
busy week at work too and lots of things that need to be done before Panel such as find and hire an assistant to help cover when matched and odd days when I have a pick up/drop off overlap. 
Counting until 2.30 as I am exhausted


----------



## twinkletoes13

Hi all,

I hope everyone is OK?

Tinkerbell80 - I don't work, so I haven't got any work colleagues to put down, but DH has put a few of his down. Like others have said, we've also put down neighbours - in a real emergency they're the ones you're going to be calling on first. 

Jacksgirl - Our SW was allocated before starting the home study process (our agency don't have a stage one or two, everything is all done at the same time), there seems to be no rhyme or reason for the order that they all do things in. 

Duckeggblue - I don't see why the SW should make you wait to progress you if your DBS isn't back yet, our agency just do everything all at the same time so it obviously isn't a hard and fast rule for them all. 

Mafergirl - I am pleased your SW seems on the ball, I am hoping ours is the same, she certainly seems to be so far…

Claudia - It's good news that your prep is going well. 

As for us - we had our medicals today. Everything was fine, apart from us realising that their height ruler thing is obviously wrong, we measured ourselves when we got in and it's chopped 3" off our heights, which would normally be fine, but DH's BMI is a bit high, and the missing 3" of his height, adds 3.5 points to his BMI. I'm not sure what we should do, speak to the GP, or the SW, or just leave it? We were only doing the medicals so early on in the process (our agency do them quite close to the end of the home study) because of my medical history, but DH is really worried that his BMI is going to put a spanner in the works. 

Anyway, I hope everyone is well, and that those in limbo get moving again soon.


----------



## claudia6662

I find it weird how we are all at the same stage but we arent if that makes sense . I know what you mean Tinkerbell by being shattered,  going to work, doing these prep group meetings and have another one tomorrow which is all day. Plus me and DP are stil going through lots of homework which has to be completed by the 28th of 29th of november. Anyway Tinkerbell it wil be so worth it when you see your baba for the first time


----------



## Jacks girl

Hey everyone. Duck egg your story sounds similar to mine in terms of timescales/months etc and timescales given by agency running over. It's so frustrating isn't it? Well references are posted or in the process of being posted apparently, medicals are booked for end of month. I don't think three or four weeks is going to make a massive difference the pace our agency are going anyway so didn't see the sense making DH and I short this month to cover it plus can do some dieting/gym before the day lol. On stricter but do able diet and back on my exercise regime which had slipped last month due to having a cold. BMI just in obese category but I have an active lifestyle. One of my colleagues at work who I work out with and is a sports coach has done me a reference to take to the docs and put in my medical form to testify to this. I know from my infertility tests that my weight problem is due to the gradual onset of early menopause. 
Twink I would complain. Three inches is a few BMI points at least! That's my worry too that the paediatric doc only sees the black and white not the person themselves. Mafergal hope things speed up for ya hun. Claudia I think they all need a nationalised way of doing it these agencies considering the process is supposed to be streamlined now I still find knowing where we are at utterly confusing hun lol! Hi to everyone else  xx


----------



## claudia6662

lol i do Jacks girl, me and DP have already had our medicals , but we still have all the homework to do so thats keeping us both busy on a night. Its a very confusing process indeed !


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, will apologise now for the 'me' post. Just got to work and a manager approached me with the employer ref pack in his hand. It was open, no idea how many people have seen it. Really annoyed because I made it explicitly clear who it was to be addressed to because I didn't want everyone at work to know. It was just addressed to the personnel department. We don't have one! So numerous people could have seen it and now I have the worry about who they are going to gossip to. Aaaagh!   Need to try and stay calm!


----------



## twinkletoes13

Hi Mafergirl,

That's terrible! Have you spoken to your SW? I would be really angry too - at this stage it's not something that you want the whole world to know about, and we all know how people love to gossip.  

I hope you're OK and not too wound up about it.


----------



## Jacks girl

Just popped onto to say hugs Mafergal xx


----------



## babas

I can properly join in now too! We got the go ahead for stage one today and go to prep training soon.


----------



## flickJ

Congratulations Babas, so pleased you have got the good news you were waiting for


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi everyone! Wow we've all been a busy lot...isn't it great!  

Mafergal - omg that's so annoying! Are you just going to tell people now that the cat is out of the bag? My colleagues were wonderful and I told them personally so there wasn't the tittle tattle and that way I was in control if that makes sense  Very frustrating for you when you want to keep it secret for a while. Law of sod it's called isn't it! Grrrrrr

Twinkletoes13 - can't believe the height ruler is wrong at your GP. Does that mean everyone that goes to your surgery's BMI is wrong? If it chopped off 3 inches of my height I'd be classed as one of the diddy men! I'm only 5ft 3.5 (that half makes a difference)  I would ring the GP and say they've made an error on the report and ask them to amend it. I'm sure they will do that for you.

Claudia - glad you're enjoying prep

Babas - exciting news Hun when does prep start for you?

Hi to everyone else I may have forgotten to mention...so many peeps on here now  

As for me...got my medical tomorrow! At last! I'm a bit nervous about it as I wouldn't have had it if I hadn't complained so in that sense dreading it! Also social worker contacted me so hopefully will arrange a meeting soon to discuss home study plan. I'm glimpsing light at the end of the limbo land tunnel! 

Xx


----------



## Handstitchedmum

Just nipping in to apologise for being away - been working obscene hours at work and now have a cold! I updated the thread title per Mafergal's prompting and will update the first thread with everyone's activities and the new members once I have time to breathe without sneezing!


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All and Newbies,

Glad to read everyone's progress, find it weird that things are happening at different speeds for us all, although we all started stage 1 about the same time lol

Well we had our medicals last week, think everything's fine, Dr wasn't concerned with anything, me and DH were there for about an hour, half an hour each.
We had our blood pressures taken, did a urine sample that was examined there and then, we had our height and weight done for BMI. Had our stomachs and backs squeezed and our tongues examined and that was  about it. All that for £100 each bet Dr was rubbing his hands together as we left.

Did have the slight problem that Dr put me back on a prescription I haven't taken for 2 months, which I didn't declare as I was no longer taking.

So I went to the Dr's on Monday and spoke to the lady who was dealing with the medicals, she asked me to write down the change as she'd need to get the Dr to alter it, I advised I'd have to add it as it was in my section.
So she had to rip open the envelope (making a mess of the envelope) I had to show her what I meant and then she allowed me to make the amendment and then asked me if I could go to the post office for her. I could of easily taken the medicals home, read through all our notes , made changes and she would never of known obviously I didn't, I went straight to the Post office.

Anyway...

We've nearly finished our homework for next week, will look at health and safety checklist at weekend too.

Hoping all our references are in now as cut off point was yesterday.

Claudia662 - Looks like we're at the same stage but our home work has to be done next week and our prep course is at the end of Nov. where your the opposite but we should be going into Stage 2 fingers crossed at the start of Dec.

Duckeggblue - How frustrating! everything completed but your CRB checks - Try and find out your references and get online to track, it tells you on there the date they received the form and where they're up to (I think there was a list of 5-6 stages) and it tells you if the stage has been completed.
Hoping your certificates arrive soon x

Twinkletoes13 - I would call your doctors to update your heights, as it does affect your BMI. As whoever looks at the medical forms won't see you just a figure and wouldn't want them to make any judgements 

Mafergal - Hope your ok now, must of been awful that people you didn't want to tell at this stage know about your situation, but I'm sure people will understand why you haven't said anything yet (I would anyway).

Babas - Congrats! on starting stage 1 x

Hunnibunni - Hope your medicals went well, keep us posted 

Speak to you all soon xxx


----------



## mafergal

everyone

Thanks Twinkletoes, Jacks Girl, Hunubunni and Dawn.  I've calmed down a bit now.  It was sent out by the admin people (I read the cover letter and saw who it was signed by).  I really like my SW so have stopped myself contacting her   but I will just slip it into conversation when I see her in 2 weeks.  She will be at ours interviewing my in-laws who are visiting from down south.  No one at work has said anything so far, I'm sure they will be supportive but I know there is potentially a long road ahead and I'm not at a stage where I want to share it with people yet, especially when some of my family still don't know.  I'll know if the cat is out of the bag because the biggest gossip in the place will tell me lol.

Dawn, glad your medical went well.  I'm still waiting for them to tell me an appointment date.  I requested/applied for it a month ago, paid for it 3 weeks ago and still nothing.  I will try to hurry them along tomorrow.

Hunibunni, hope your medical went well!

HSM - hope all your business is nice/adoption related? Either way I hope you get a calm period soon.

Twinkletoes, hope they sort the bmi mistake for you!

Claudia, hope you are getting through the homework ok.

Babas, welcome!   Good luck on your journey and I hope stage 1 progresses quickly for you.

Jacks Girl, I'm a bit similar toy you. Our SW has been busy this week speaking to some of our references (those who completed their questionnaires quickly) so the last should be my in-laws in 2 weeks time.  Then it's just DBS results and medicals- if we ever get them booked  

For those of you who have had your DBS checks completed, did you get the certificate posted to you or did it go to your agency?  My work one and volunteer one came to me so wondered if this would be the same? 

Thanks, hope everyone is well   x


----------



## Dawn7

Morning All,

Mafergal - Just wanted to let you know our DBS/CHB certificate came to us 

Didn't take long either just under 3 weeks I think 

Anyway hope things are moving for you all, we're in limbo until next week, which is when our sw visits. But plan on doing some safety checks this weekend 

Enjoy ur weekends

XXX


----------



## tinkerbell80

Heya, no more news from this end although this flu type thing has not gone yet. I don't think they know what is wrong 2 lots of Antibiotics later. 
I am still working which is probably not helping matters either but finish at 12 today so will be getting the house tidy and also getting stuff ready for tomorrow night  as off to Bristol to see friends via Ikea 
Any tips on how to explain to my elderly grandfather who also has Alzheimer's or is it best not to bother


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all

Still no news for us - except my one friend is finishing our references. We are supposed to be having dinner with our other friends - our best friends tonight. My Dad sent his off Monday. But still no word from SS themselves. Ironically we are on a council list for a house as we are private renting and want to acquire a local authority place so that we can buy in stages (our LA dot his). Got offered one today but in a horrendous area so we turned it down. 

Mafergal I think despite you guys being VA and us being LA we seem to be stuck in the same rut and not far apart from each other lol.

Hi to all sorry no more personals as dashing out. Will catch up reading all updates tomorrow.

hugs all around. xxx


----------



## Caroline S

Hi everyone!
We saw our SW on Wednesday who said that the DBS checks are taking a while, but thinks we will be ready for stage 2 training course in January, so we are being booked onto that regardless of the DBS check.  Also handed in loads of paperwork to her so now waiting to book our medicals.  Today we did the stage 1 prep course which was good.  I found it very useful to make you more aware about situations the adopted child may find difficult after being placed with us, for example at school if they are asked to look at their family tree, which family tree do they do, how big would theirs be, etc.....this is something that had never occurred to me.  
It was nice to meet other couples there who were also at the same stage as us, and form the same area, so hopefully over time we will meet them again and will form some of our support network in the future.  
DH came away feeling really positive about the process which is good as part of me is thinking can we really do this....eek!  I know we will get through it, but ATM feels quite daunting.


----------



## chunky_monkey

Hello all, I'm new to the group so just wanted to say hello and give my status. We (dh & myself) initially started with DC council, and after almost a year of excuses and stalling from them (old system), we decided to back out, have time out and then restart with Banardos in mid September.  We are going for our 1st stage prep training at the end of November, so we are excited and also nervous. Medicals complete and my friend has been contacted for a visit (naws on own nails!). We are currently in the process of filling in the family form pack (how big? ) . Not officially met our social worker as yet, but our experience and support so far has far outweighed the local council. I would like to hear if any one has positive experiences so far with Banardos, I hear there are horror stories on auk regarding adoption. At least we have been given a choice on age this time, but again, so hard to know when you have not had children before! I would love to hear from anyone, and look forward to sharing the journey


----------



## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone,

Hello Chunky-Monkey - welcome to the board!  

Sorry this is going to be me post…..

We were at the doctors yesterday to get our heights and BMI's sorted, which went fine - the alternative measure is still a couple of cm out, but it's close enough. They did accept that the one in the doctors room is wildly off, so hopefully they'll get it fixed, I can't believe no one else had said anything!

SW came out yesterday. I am not sure what the aim of the visit was to be honest, it seemed a bit waffly. She gave us an old copy of 'Children Who Wait' and asked us to have a read through and let her know if any of the LO's stood out.

We look through and to be brutally honest none really did leap out at us. There were a couple I would have liked to have had more information on, but that was it. She watched us whilst we read it through and wanted to know how it made us feel, and kept saying that we needed to remember read it in the same way you view houses - seeing through the estate agent waffle, or in this case social services waffle. 

I am not sure whether she wanted us to 'pick' kids from it to give her an idea of what we were looking for, or to see how realistic we were being? It's just really thrown me off kilter a bit. All the children in the magazine had desperately sorry stories, and we both felt awful for them, but there's a huge leap between that and imagining them as our child. It wasn't helped by the truly awful photos they all had. The whole thing just made me feel really uncomfortable, and DH likened it to a shopping catalogue (I fully appreciate though that CWW does work, and I have no suggestion for an alternative, but I just don't think it's for us). We've said all along that we'd rather the SW did the 'finding' on our behalf, because neither of us are comfortable doing it ourselves - she is the professional and will be so much better at it! 

It's just left us both feeling worried that what if once we're approved (touch wood) and she's showing us CPR's etc. we still don't see any that leap out? 

All this probably isn't helped by the fact that I am full of cold at the moment so I'm feeling a bit miserable anyway.

Has anyone else had this happen? How did you feel about it?

Sorry again for the me post.


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi CarolineS don't worry hun am feeling same about starting the HS. Looking forward to it but the invasiveness of it is worrying me especially if I get a SW that focuses on my is that with your professional head/personal head thing on  . Twinkletoes I do wonder at the tactics sometimes of some SWs. I would always be direct with them hun - ascertain what they want out of an exercise or what they are aiming for - be direct. They expect honesty from us so at the very least they should be honest with us. Hope your cold gets better soon. xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Ps gang - who has commenced stage 2 home study without medicals back?

Thanks for replies     xxx


----------



## twinkletoes13

Hi Jacks Girl,

I think next time I will try to be more direct and ask what the aim of things are. I am terrible at speaking my mind!   She's told us what we're doing next time so hopefully it'll be less confusing. 

Our agency don't seem to do things in two stages - e.g our references are checked right at the end, so I don't think not having your medicals back should pose a problem, unless there is a medical reason they're concerned about. Having said that there is often no rhyme or reason to the way they do things, so who knows?! 

That probably doesn't help at all.


----------



## mafergal

Thanks for answering my dbs question Dawn   

Twinkletoes, sorry your last sw visit made you feel that way. I think it's a bit harsh when they give you those magazines/profiles in that way & want a decision. Remember, as sad as it is the children in these publications are generally classed as hard to place & I would say that it's unlikely you would find a match in this way. 

We subscribe to be my parent & have read almost all of the profiles. If our sw does this, we will say we've already seen these profiles etc. Through home study your sw should know what a child will get from you and vice versa. Also, if she has used the analogy of buying a house, use it back. A house jumps out at you and you get a feeling. Or turn it on your sw & ask them if they feel any are a good match for you.

Chunky monkey, welcome!

Caroline, glad you are finding prep so useful.

Jacks Girl, think we will be starting stage 2 without our medicals. We requested them over a month ago, got the invoice & paid over 2 weeks ago... still waiting (can take 20 days from payment) for them to book us an appointment. I've chased it but just get told to wait 20 days before chasing. SO infuriating. No idea what the 20 days thing is all about


----------



## chunky_monkey

Thanks for the warm welcome. I've read through these posts and I concur!! We had a terrible clash with sw from lc and I have specifically asked for consideration re sw with Barnados as when we are (eventually) matched with sw, It is SO important (well to me anyway) to make sure that we have the right person to talk to. We haven't met our sw yet, but we have been advised who we are having, but have received no contact as yet. Our stage 1 prep is in 2 weeks time. We have had medicals (£73.26 ) each, and they are going out to see my friend following a reference, so I hope things are moving in the background. 
We are (slowly) working through the biggest and longest form I've ever seen (family form) . think this may be more than a weekend job! We've been told already that we will be choosing from a *catalogue" and the thought of finding the right child from a photograph is  rather daunting! How do you know its the right one?? Do you get to see a few, surely interaction is key to this? We've been advised that we can see some children on activity days? Has anyone any thoughts on this? 
Thanks everyone, so nice to be able to share


----------



## babas

Hunibunni said:


> Hi everyone! Wow we've all been a busy lot...isn't it great!
> 
> Mafergal - omg that's so annoying! Are you just going to tell people now that the cat is out of the bag? My colleagues were wonderful and I told them personally so there wasn't the tittle tattle and that way I was in control if that makes sense  Very frustrating for you when you want to keep it secret for a while. Law of sod it's called isn't it! Grrrrrr
> 
> Twinkletoes13 - can't believe the height ruler is wrong at your GP. Does that mean everyone that goes to your surgery's BMI is wrong? If it chopped off 3 inches of my height I'd be classed as one of the diddy men! I'm only 5ft 3.5 (that half makes a difference)  I would ring the GP and say they've made an error on the report and ask them to amend it. I'm sure they will do that for you.
> We are due on prep in the next couple of weeks.
> 
> Claudia - glad you're enjoying prep
> 
> Babas - exciting news Hun when does prep start for you?
> 
> Hi to everyone else I may have forgotten to mention...so many peeps on here now
> 
> As for me...got my medical tomorrow! At last! I'm a bit nervous about it as I wouldn't have had it if I hadn't complained so in that sense dreading it! Also social worker contacted me so hopefully will arrange a meeting soon to discuss home study plan. I'm glimpsing light at the end of the limbo land tunnel!
> 
> Xx


----------



## MummyPhinie

Well We are formally now accepted onto stage 1.   We have an allocated sw who actually did our first visit. They said we would hear from her within 5 working days, so middle of next week and she will do a stage 1 plan and run through with us and get us booked onto prep, which I'm hoping will be in jan, whist the support worker will be sending out all the forms to referees etc. text ed all the relevant people and they very excited and said they would call us if they got anything.  I'm assuming we will tip over the 2 months they stated in the letter because they don't run prep groups in dec but hopefully won't be much over. Scary to think that by late spring early summer we could be approved, just hoping nothing gets in the way!


----------



## tinkerbell80

I bet you feel happier you are in the system now phinie?
We are still waiting and I am trying to still get rid of this bug as I feel lousy and just want to curl up. Back at Drs later as 2 lots of antibiotics have not shifted it. 
How much are people being charged for medicals?


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hello All, 
Just bookmarking at the moment I suppose as have our initial visit Thursday  
But have been told the next prep course is Jan and they aim for panel 6 months after .... 

Hope to get to know you all well and share the most amazing exciting adventures of our lives


----------



## Duckeggblue

CarolineS - looking at your profile I think we may be with the same LA. Good that you have the dates for your stage 2 training already. DBS checks taking a while in our area is an understatement - mine has been 9 weeks and counting! We are able to go ahead with stage 2 training next week which I am really looking forward to. After that we will be in limbo though between stage 1 and 2 until the DBS is sorted.

Mafergirl, Twinkletoes13 - thanks for the advise re DBS. Believe me I have chased, phoned and I track it on line every day. The answer from DBS and SW is that we just have to sit tight and wait.

Dawn7 - I agree with you, it's really strange how everyone has such different experiences of the same process. As long as we all get there in the end !

Twinkletoes13 - ooh, really felt for you and your CWW experience with your SW. Wonder what she was hoping to achieve?

Phinie - good news about stage one. Lots to do but is great as each thing is a step closer.

*waves* hi everyone else! hope this week is good to you all.


----------



## claudia6662

hi all how is every one doing? Me and DP are still doing homework ( well ive completed my part , DP write very slow) . Had all prep classes which we found really good, all the couples on the courses we so nice and friendly. 
How is everyone finding it and wheres everyone at?


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi everyone! Just a quickie to say hi and that I haven't forgotten you all! Been so busy and not had a chance to pop by.

Medical went well all seemed fine.  DH to have his this week so another tick on the lengthy adoption 'to do' list 

Have a meeting with the SW tomorrow about home study and plan dates etc so seems full steam ahead! I will post more after I've seen her.

Hope you are all well.  Sorry about no personals...will try harder next time I promise 

Xx


----------



## Caroline S

Chunkymonkey - welcome!

Jacks girl - glad I'm not the only one having a wobble.  Now, DH has changed jobs, less money but better for his health and our family quality of life, however we have just found out that he is on a casual contract, so no adoption pay for him and he is our main carer    so he wants to go back to his old job    I'm now trying to convince him that having a good quality of life and living on an overdraft is the best plan!  Not sure he is convinced yet!

Twinkletoes - I'm not sure I would feel comfortable with that.  I hoped they would get to know us as a family/couple and pick a child that they felt fitted in with us!

Duckeggblue - we are with NYCC.    

They is so much paperwork to wait for.  Today we got a letter telling us to contact our GP for the medical, but they haven't got their paperwork yet so said to ring back at the end of the week to see if they have it yet before we can make the app!    I work shifts and strange hours, so really want to get it booked now when I have a week off rather than next week when I'll probably end up going post night shift! Sorry for the rant!


----------



## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone!

Just checking in to see how every one is getting on. 

Tinkerbell80 - Our medicals were £73 each or something, but our agency paid them for us. We got a claim form with our medical forms, which the surgery had to complete and send back. Reading how other people's experiences have been with trying to get the medicals book, I think we had a really easy time of it. I booked them on a Friday, and we had them the following Tuesday… There was a slight issue with the height ruler being 3" out though.  

Mr + Mrs Bubble - congratulations on starting the next stage! You must be really excited!

Everyone with homework - I blitzed ours and now I feel a bit lost without anything to do!  

Caroline S - I hope you and DH come to an agreement about his job. I am sure there's a saying about no one getting to the end of their lives and wishing they'd worked more.  

Hunnibunni - good luck tomorrow with the SW. 

As for us, we're just waiting for the next HS visit next week. I am a bit more relaxed about having to look at the CWW thing now (nothing at all to do with my cold being much better I am sure   ), I think it's made me realise we perhaps need to be a bit more vocal in asking questions. I don't mind her getting us to look at things like that, but you're right Mafergirl, we should ask if there are any she thinks would be a good match etc. 

I hope everyone keeps moving in the right direction.


----------



## kimmieb

Hey Everyone!!! 

Not been on for a while been super busy at work and just had a week in Somerset on holiday - lovely to have a break from reality now and then!!! 

Exciting stuff happening now though - day 1 training starts on Friday!!!! So bleeding excited! 

This is a busy week - because I am doing 2 different volunteering my week consists of:

Tuesday (today) - work my lunch break to finish at 1630 to get to Rainbows for 1650
Thursday - Volunteer at the nursery 0800-1000 and then go to work for 1030-1900
Friday - Training day 0900 - 1700 - but its about 2 hours away around the M25 on a Friday   
Saturday - sleep!!!!! 

I know I'm going to be like a walking zombie on Saturday morning

xx


----------



## Diane71

Hi ladies 

Can I join yuz please ??

There is so many of u on here at different stages I will need to sit down and take some notes.

All my details r below but I'm from Glasgow me and my partner when through 4 Ivf one of them we got pregnant but sadly I miscarried so after a lot of soul searching we have decided to go tpdown the adoption route and pray that there is a wee one out there for us to love and to give a home and lots of fun.

I'm not sure what stage I'm at but we start prep in dec it's the 6thand the 13th so I'm glad we r getting it in before Xmas.

We would have went to the one in nov but I'm going in to get my gallbladder removed so wouldn't be fit for that one in fact I'm not sure I'm going to be 100% for the one in dec but I'm adamant we will get through it,

So any advice or tips would be great, do we get homework to do at prep I'd there anything I can be working on or have ready in advance.

Thank you for reading 
Diane


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Twinkle toes - thanks Hun, can't believe this time tomorrow the VA team will be sat here talking with us  and making the decision in their minds is we will be accepted to move onto prep ...


----------



## flickJ

Good luck tomorrow, I'm sure you will be fine   

Diane - Glad you have found us and welcome on board   (I find it hard to keep up with things myself as there is so much going on on this thread  )

To everyone else, stay positive


----------



## tinkerbell80

Eeek it has all stepped up, our social worker is coming out on Monday to do our DBS stuff. I am hoping that it is easier to get information from her about things we need to do.


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hello All, thanks for the well wishes sadly it didn't go to plan.. we were told although we are  ideal candidates in almost everyway my breakdown in 2012 meant they felt it was too soon to proceed.... Beyond gutted but have dusted myself off and spoken with some other LAs and been very open about being asked to wait by the VA BUT  after a long talk and seeking advise from their managers at least one La feel they DO want to come and meet us NOW as opposed to later  Soo happy


----------



## claudia6662

ahh keep your chins up Mr and Mrs bubble and stay positive thats what i keep telling myself i wish you lots of luck xxx


----------



## flickJ

Mr & Mrs Bubble, I am so sorry to hear of your little setback  

But I am pleased to hear that you are not giving up and that you are talking to other agencies. I was amazed to find how different agencies view things.  

We have been through the upset of being turned down (ironically, by an VA) but we, too, came back keener and stronger with an LA, and we are now half way through Home Study   

I really do hope you get a positive result from your chosen LA who, I am sure, will be lucky to have you on their books.


----------



## MummyPhinie

Well alll our references have now gone out. Our friend came round this evening to show us what he put and was so lovely made me a bit teary. Sw called us and is coming round Monday to do a stage 1 plan and go through everything with us and we have the medical forms so need to get sorted. Feeling really real now.

Bubble keep your chin up, hope you find a la soon x


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone!   

Bubble, so sorry your the outcome of your initial visit didn't go to plan.  But I have been reading your other thread also and as others have said I'm sure there will be an agency who will take you through now.

Welcome to the group Diane! Your prep days will be here before you know it.  Some LA's give you a bit of homework, some don't.  We had to do a timeline from birth to now of ups and downs in our life and this will be used in the home study by our SW.

Kimmieb you have a hectic schedule! I got my volunteer work DBS back about 2 weeks ago and start properly in 1 1/2 weeks.  I do shift work on a 6 week roster so it means I can do a day for 3 weeks consecutively and then I'm unavailable for 3 weeks.  Typical my DBS came back at the start of the unavailable 3 week part!  

Twinkletoes, hope you enjoy your next home study session.

As for me, no update really.  Still waiting for the stupid GP to give us an appointment for our medicals. It will soon be 4 weeks since we paid for them. I'm going to chase them again on Monday and ask for the reasons for the wait in writing to show my SW because they are holding us up... see if that speeds things up.  I've also got a few days to clean and tidy as the in-laws will be visiting from down south for their iv with our SW.  It will be good to use the opportunity to speak to our SW directly.

I hope everyone else is well and things are toddling along nicely


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All, 

Welcome Diane  

Mr and Mrs Bubble, fingers crossed the LA who come out to see you, will see things differently, you seem very realistic, level headed and strong with can only help you.

Flick and Mafergal, how did things go from stage 1 to stage 2? I think we find out early Dec, if we're being taken on to stage 2  

We haven't much to update, sw advised all our references are in, there's no concerns there which is great! just awaiting social services to come back.
Prep course is in 2 weeks which we're looking forward to, apart from the ice breaking part lol

We should find out the week later about whether or not we're going onto stage 2, we've been told sw has a meeting with her manager and then we'll get a letter inviting us to stage 2. Also when you go onto stage 2, we'll get a plan and know quite early, when AP will be  

Read a few stories on hear and don't want to get too excited, but can't help it

Anyway hope everything's going well for you all xx


----------



## flickJ

Hi Dawn, 

In answer to your question - our transfer from Stage One to Stage Two was pretty smooth and seamless. Our LA seem to be trying hard to stick to the government guidelines  

We completed the Prep training course, after the second day the SW came to do the Stage Two plan and give us the panel date, and after finishing  two days later we had our first Home Study session  

After last years failed adoption  , we have to keep pinching ourselves at how lucky we are and how good this LA is,  ing for good news


----------



## Dawn7

Thanks FlickJ, that's put my mind at ease 

Wish you all the best, sure you'll be fine this time round xx


----------



## somedaysoon

Hi everyone, 

Hope its ok if i join in too. We are hoping to be approved around summer 2014, but are not going down the traditional route, concurrent planning instead. So a lot of our training and timescales seem to be different. Our medicals and other checks have just been completed and we have our first proper home study next week. The following week we have our skills to foster course. Just wondering what you all mean by stage 1 and stage 2? We are with a VA so perhaps it's slightly different. Will look forward to sharing all the ups and downs with you!


----------



## mafergal

Hi Dawn, I'm still officially in stage 2. We were told by our SW that our stage 1 starts exactly 2 months from the date they received our official application form & so she booked in our first session for that date. It will be here soon so I hope it's that simple and a smooth transition.

Hi somedaysoon & welcome! I think you are the first in our group to be doing concurrency. The stages being discussed are the national framework all adoption agencies in Eng & Wal should be using. Stage 1 is basically prep course & checks. After that, assuming you & the agency want you to continue you go on to stage 2 which is the assessment stage - home study & writing of the PAR, then panel. Stage 1 should take 2 months, stage 2 has a guideline of 4 months. I'm with a VA too, maybe timescales are different for concurrency? I don't know too much about it. In any case you are more than welcome to join us. Looking forward to hearing about your journey


----------



## tinkerbell80

After today I am more and more convinced that Social Workers get on a mega power trip! Ours came out to look around the house and to drop off our medical forms and do our CRB check, only she forgot the CRB forms and was incredibly fussy about our house saying it needed decluttering erm I am a childminder  there will be toys and muddles around! 
Am now almost certainly convinced that she does not have a scooby doo clue about childminders


----------



## claudia6662

Hey all hope everyone is well.
Tinkerbell - lol i liked your comment , ours seems to have a jekyll and hyde appearance, when she comes round she is all lovely and kind and considerate and then when she goes back we get emails from her and some of her comments i dont like in the slightest.

Ive started reading the adoption diary by Maria James. I was reading it last night and when she was filling it our her forms, there was such similarity between what I had said and what she had put too, it was kind of freaky but all together quite a nice feeling is that makes sense. Anyone else reading any good adoption books at the moment?


----------



## tinkerbell80

Claudia, our social worker is just odd, she was very critical of our home and things and genuinely believe that she has not got a clue of what I actually do for a living! I have a corner that my childminding toys are in all tidy and organised, I also have a cupboard with it neatly put away in too. We have 2 large billy bookcases which are full with books and things that are higher up so that children cannot reach.
I think they do competitive matching too. Oh well am not going to give her any ammunition to launch at us the next time she comes. Oh and email her the risk assessments on our display units


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## claudia6662

I know what you mean Tinkerbell i know your not meant to be over friendly with them or treat like them a friend, but I dont like their motives or their reasonings either. It makes you feel even more on edge the next time you see them, then your scared to say the right or wrong thing. 
Dont let her get under your skin, and thats the other thing, do they do stuff like this to test our reactions or are they actually like this and that its not just a front?


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## MummyPhinie

So far we seem to be very lucky with our sw but it is still early stages. We are the last case she is taking on at the moment but she wanted us as we live not far from her and as we want siblings I think she is more experienced. She had the ' we all need to be honest with each other as we are going to be working very closely' chat which was great and the ' thr is no such thing as a stupid question', which I use at work a lot so tickled me! Had second visit yesterday with a stage 1 agreement plan, has anyone else had one of these? Basically a run through of the process what checks are involved. Did our health and safety checklist which she remembered a lot from last home visit, but was hilarious as of course a lot of the basics we don't have as we don't actually have children yet!!! Also did our DBS forms and been given a load of homework for our par already! Fingers crossed to be on prep for jan, but she said providing we are booked onto it we can still progress to stage 2 around second week of jan...even if all refs and checks aren't in. At that point we get a date for panel which should be around Easter!!! Kind of got the impression this all seems a Formality!
Anyone else do finance forms? She went into depth with us mainly as we hoping for a sibling group of upto3 where finances seem to be more important than with just 1.

Also found I had a terrible case of verbal diarrhoea !!! Dh said he could hardly get a word in edge ways! The initial visit felt very different to this one as we know that things are on their way now, guess the excitement at getting on with things took over! Our sw was chuckling a lot which I took as a good sign unless she thinks I'm completely bonkers! Laughed more when we were clearly going to get into a mini domestic about fire safety in the kitchen and blankets etc! Oh well she has a break from us for a few weeks now while we wait!!!


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## rupertbear

Hi everyone,

Me and the husband started prep group on Monday, so only one more day to go. At last we feel like things are moving along- we've had a few frustrating delays along the way, as I'm sure most of you have.  I am excited, overwhelmed and a little scared.  Its great reading all the stories on here and the advice people so generously share; I am sure this forum will be a valuable source of information and support.  It will be nice to share your journeys, frustrations and joys. All the  best of wishes to you all,

Rupert


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## tinkerbell80

Welcome Rupert, I am tinkerbell dp and me are on stage 1 awaiting medicals and Crb checks and our references. We have a social worker who does not really have a clue about things as she said my house was cluttered etc although I am a childminder and childrens things will be around the house. 
But that is just her normal attitude I have been told. How far are u in the process??


----------



## flickJ

Welcome to to the forum Rupertbear  

Glad to have you on board, the more the merrier - I wish you good luck on your journey to adoption


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## Jacks girl

Welcome Rupertbear, Somedaysoon, Diane 71 and any other newbies

Hallo to the rest of the gang! Mafergal am glad to see things are on the move for ya - us too which seems uncanny haha! Something in the Salopian air methinks! 

Tinkerbell80 think you are going to have to defo have a sense of humour about your SW for sure hun. Sounds like an interesting individual! I think its in their breed to pick fault  Hey to Flick J, Phinie, Claudia, Kimmieb, Caroline S, Twinkletoes, Dawn 7   Hey to Mr and Mrs Bubble hoping for some good news soon for you  

Well as for us we have now been given the name of the social worker assigned to us and are just awaiting her call to book our first home study appointment. Medicals are next week. Just hoping my post AF bloat dies down once AF shows this weekend or what is the betting knowing me it will be unfashionably late  

So happy to see things moving along for peeps at whatever stage and all the     out there.

Have a good week   

Cap'n Jack's Girl xx


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## tinkerbell80

jacks girl I think you might be right! I have printed copies of three risk assessments I did regarding the things that I was picked up on, the glass cabinets, the dog, and the other pets, ready for her along with the sheets detailing the safety glass. And are in the process of decluttering. 

Hope everyone is having a great week, I am off to the NEC Saturday and then working sat night until 2pm Sunday for my old nanny family.


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## mafergal

Hi everyone. News flash - after almost 2 months we now have our medical appointments for Monday afternoon! It was a huge relief to get them booked. We had a visit with our SW yesterday. She finished off our references speaking to my in-laws who are up for a visit. Added bonus is my s-i-l is also here with our 6 month old nephew.   

Everything was really positive until our SW told us no ones DBS checks are back yet. Contrary to what i thought we cant start home study or sign the start of stage 2 until it's back. So our Dec home study may not happen. We are really disappointed & hoping the DBS is completed within the next 2 weeks  

Hope everyone else is going ok & avoiding the speed bumps that pop up! Good luck with your medicals Jacks Girl x


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## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone,

How is everyone doing?

Mafergirl - that's fantastic about your medicals! I can't believe it's taken two months, there is absolutely no reason for it to take that long at all. I really hope your DBS things come back soon too, I can't believe they'll hold you back from starting the home study if they're not. There really needs to be a defined process that all agencies have to follow. We're doing our home study at the same time as the checks being done!

Jacksgirl - Sounds like your SW is a bit of a stickler, I'd have though a childminder's would be heaven for a child, rather than a house like ours which doesn't have a single toy or child orientated thing in it (yet!). 

Rubertbear + Somedaysoon + Diane - welcome! I hope things are going well.

Mr + Mrs Bubble - I am so sorry things didn't go to plan, how are things now? I hope you've had better news since then.  

Phinie - we haven't done the finance bit yet, but from what the SW says it's nothing too onerous. I hope things are still going well.

Everyone else - I hope everyone else is well, and things are going well. Sorry if I have missed anything, there are so many of us now!

We've had another home study visit - everything seemed to go well, the dogs have passed their pet assessment which was a massive relief! She even wrote that they were docile and obedient!   We had an email from one of the couples who were on our prep group, their social worker has said that we'll all be at the March panel together. I forgot to check with our SW, but their's has said it a few times, and it ties in with what ours has said to date. March is only 3 and a half months away! I am SO excited!

I hope every one is well, and everyone has a good weekend!


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## somedaysoon

Thanks for welcoming me, everyone. Glad to see everyone's adoption journeys are moving along. We had a home visit today and were told we could be going to panel mid May! We have been given lots of homework to do - eco maps, life stories and were shown the famous form f. Lots of chat about concurrent planning and the risks involved etc. It's all very exciting /scary!


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## tinkerbell80

Twinkletoes it's me that had issues with the social worker, she came to do crbs but forgot them so had a look around anyway trip to Ikea on Sunday so will be minimalising clutter and toys as we have far too many!


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## MummyPhinie

Getting practice! My nieces are here for the weekend. Just got 1 to sleep more easily than expected, 1 more to go. Felt really different at bath time tonight and them helping to make tea knowing we could have our own before long. currently got dh laughing his socks off to sponge bob! Hope the weekend goes well as tonight.


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## Diane71

Hi 

Is anyone doing prep in dec ??

Do u get an officially letter inviting u to prep as the dates we have were just mentioned but sw did say that they r happy to take us to next stage..

Should I email or just wait til nearer the time the dates r the 6 the and 13 dec


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## tinkerbell80

I have one prep day in December, so I am making the most of it and hopefully most of stage 1 should be done by they finish for Christmas. I am hoping that it is just the last part we can do then straight to stage 2. Dp has his medical tomorrow and mine is the week after


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## Dawn7

Hi All and all newbies,

Hope you all had a nice weekend!

Glad that things are moving quickly for a lot of us now, we have our 3 day prep course this week. As we've completed our homework and not done much for 2 weeks, I'm glad prep course is here, hoping then to be approved to move onto Stage 2   

Jacks girl - Bet you can't wait to start home study, does that mean you're officially in stage 2 now?

Mafergal - good luck with your medicals today and hope you've received your DBS certificates  

Twinkletoes13 - Glad your dog passed his assessment and great news about March panel date (hoping ours to be in March or April)

Someday soon - Looks like things are moving along nicely for you and great to see you have an idea when you'll be going to panel  

Phinie35 - Getting practice in lol we're trying to do the same with my nephews and nieces 

Diane71 - Our prep course is this week, we got an invite in the post about 2-3 weeks before the date and had to respond to confirm we'd be going and an itinerary of day1 was included (it mentions ice breaker session - so nervous lol). So I'm sure you'll hear soon.

So we're off on our prep course as of Weds, then in the next couple of weeks should find out if we've made it to stage 2. I'll let you all know about how prep course goes and what's discussed once we've completed.

Hope you all have a good week

xxx


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## flickJ

Good luck on Wed, Dawn - hope you enjoy it as much as I did  

Mafergal - it's so fustrating waiting for the DBS to come back   especially if it is holding you up, I hope it arrives soon and you can move on   , good luck with your medicals

So busy on here now and so much good news of people moving forward, I wish everyone good luck - sounds as though next year will be exciting for all of us


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## mafergal

Hi everyone. Thanks Twinkletoes, Dawn & Flick. Our medicals were done yesterday, took about 15 mins each. Don't think there were any issues. DW is worrying about her BMI. She is perfectly fit & healthy in every other way & even the doctor told her it wasn't anything major but it doesn't stop her worrying.

Jacks girl, hope your medicals went well!

The DBS checks aren't back. I phoned them up & got my ref number so have been checking the progress daily online. They told me checks at the moment are taking about a month. It's been stuck at stage 4 since 30th Oct. I'm a bit annoyed as they were submitted 2 weeks after they were all signed off so that partly explains the delay. It's been a month now so really hoping they will be done asap. I'm going to wait until Mon & then phone our SW & plead our case to start HS   

Dawn, enjoy your prep tomorrow! Tinkerbell & everyone else with prep starting soon, enjoy it too.

Twinkletoes, that's great news about your dog assessments! Also I hope your SW confirms march panel for you! It will be here before you know it! Hope yours & Flick's home study is progressing REALLY well... & hope I will be joining you in Dec  

Rupertbear, apologies i missed your initial introduction. Welcome to the group


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## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone,

Tinkerbell80 - I am so, so sorry!   I hope you had a good time at IKEA? I hope DH's medical went well, and good luck for yours.

Phinie35 - I hope your weekend wasn't too exhausting! 

Diane71 - we did get a formal invite to prep, but the SW said not to worry if we didn't get it in time because it's a formality. I think some agencies don't even both with a letter at all, so I wouldn't worry about it. If you haven't heard anything by the start of next week, I'd just give them a call to double check everything.

Dawn7 - I hope you've enjoyed the first day of your prep? 

FlickJ - next year is definitely shaping up to be a good year for us all, isn't it? I can't wait!

Mafergirl - I hope your DW isn't worrying too much about her BMI, my DH is the same, his BMI is higher than normal, but he's fit and healthy (more so than me!). The doctor said he had no concerns whatsoever, but DH is still worried that the medical advisor will see things differently. I have no idea what's happening with our DBS checks - we passed the completed forms back to our SW and we haven't heard anything since, I hope yours come soon.

I don't have much to report - I thought I'd do a mid week check in so I don't have pages to read through! SW is out again at the end of the week, I am hoping she's able to keep up the weekly visits, it's a much nicer pace to go at.

I hope everyone is well.


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## MummyPhinie

Well I survived the weekend, had a fad day for dh birthday with the girls, been left with a delightful cold from my snotty niece! Got confirmation our prep begins on jan11th so excited. All references have gone in, my sil called Sunday worrying about the content but it did make me cry!! Just got to book medicals. Trying to eat healthier, but as it's coming up to Xmas and I'm not well all I want to do is eat naughty stuff!!


----------



## mafergal

Thanks Twinkletoes, I'm sure she has nothing at all to worry about just like your DH! 

Heard from our SW today... stage 2 is delayed until Jan   A combination of no DBS and their doctor only working 1 day a week so not having enough time to look at and write up our medical reports.  Really annoyed, we are happy with our SW but are coming to realise that as on the ball we are and she is, we still have to rely on other people in the agency doing their jobs who are not so proactive.  

At least we have Christmas to occupy ourselves, I would have just liked to be at he next stage as I saw it as the next hurdle I wanted to pass before I tell my family.  I've arranged a big family get-together at our house where I planned to tell them everything


----------



## do dreams come true

Hi everyone,
could i please join you we sent our self assessment off Mon and are now waiting to hear if we can move onto stage 2.
We are really nervous and excited all rolled into one lol
Tinks


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## flickJ

Welcome Tinkerbell, it's nice to have you on board   I hope you get soon the good news you are waiting for    

Mafergal - I am so sorry that HS/stage 2 has been delayed, but at least as you say christmas will help occupy the time and help take your mind off things (if that is possible   )

It is so annoying when something holds you up and it is something outside your control   

Keep positive, it will all work out for you, I'm sure


----------



## claudia6662

Hey everyone, hope everyone is ok and well? 
Just got back from visiting relatives and had a good few days off from not having to think too much about adoption. Got SW coming round tomorrow, just to go over everything and review stage one. Im quite nervous and excited, so many emotions im feeling right now. With reguards to DP they are doing very good through checks with his ex and their relationship which wasnt a pretty one and have rang two out of four referees to say they are going to be visited next monday and next year.

Very abreshensive and trying to remain positive, at least im putting the xmas decorations up tonight and tomorrow, will take my mind off it.


Mafergirl- dont worry about you BMI either, my medical came back and it was fine.Keep positive xxxx


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## tinkerbell80

Well DP's medical was fine the usual points over weight and his Diabetes, so that was ok mine is next week so I am very busy next week now as got Mindees Christmas party, and also the dreaded Ofsted but I am ok about that as I am just going to go with the flow and I can give the report to the social worker ready.
Got Health and Safety checks and we have CRB sign off Thursday. So it is all go! We have got the storage and clutter situation down to a fine art now as well thanks to Ikea I also got some other bits too


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## Dawn7

Hi Tinker bell,  welcome   I hope you get the good news you are waiting for too 

Mafergal - I am so sorry that stage 2 has been delayed, January will be hear before u know it. It's annoying when its out of ur hands and xmas will keep u busy 

Just to let u know we survived prep course, it was really good to be honested, we really enjoyed meeting people like ourselves, unsure and scared of rejection and becoming a family. Just tired after information overload lol

Hoping to hear that we'll be going onto stage 2 in the next couple of weeks

Will keep u posted

Hope u all have a nice weekend and things are going well

xxx


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## Diane71

Hi ladies 

This is just a quick hello to say our prep has been changed to jan !!!! 

I will catch up with all the reading soon as just out of hospital got my gallbladder removed so pretty sore and tired was just looking for ideas what books to get. Was going to order some on amazon my partner not a great reader I would end in just reading him buts n bobs as I go along 

Or is anyone wanting to sell there ?? 

Hope everyone is good


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## tinkerbell80

What to expect when adopting is a good one, there are lots on Amazon. I also badgered  my local library for books too. 
Good luck x


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## Caroline S

Mafergal - our SW has booked us onto the course for Jan for stage 2, our DBS checks aren't back yet, and I'm not sure she is expecting them back before we move onto stage 2.  Hope you don't get delayed too much. I'll be abit annoyed if we end up being delayed as I struggle to get time off work, hence already booked onto the course so that I can make sure I go.

Diane - we were recommended to get the Connected child by our SW.  Hope you feel better soon.

Dawn -  I know what you mean about rejection, I was thinking I would only have 2 weeks off work and DH take the adoption leave, but have now decided that we will take 6 months each, I'll get the first 6 months off as adoption leave, then DH will hopefully take a further 6 months off unpaid leave, once he has decided which job to do!

Hello to everyone else, after reading back a few posts I've realised I'm supposed to be doing our ecomap, so better crack on with it!


----------



## emsiem

Hello

I'm dipping in my toe here as we have just been approved to start stage one 
We have our first stage training on 12th December and have been sent a mountain of paperwork to fill in, just waiting for the link to apply for our DBS checks.......cannot believe I sent our ROI forms on 21st November we had confirmation letters sent to us on the 27th November and our references had their paperwork by the 30th !!!

Very excited and nervous and cannot wait to get stuck in xxx


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## mafergal

Hi everyone, hope you all had a good weekend. Thanks for the comments ref BMI on medicals and my delay with stage 2  

Caroline, I know what you mean re. getting time off work! It's not so bad for me but DW is leadership in a school and really needs to plan (and plead) for time off like this.  As it's a new term after Xmas the Dec meeting would have meant DW could book in home study meetings.  Now if the meeting will be in Jan and it's going to be so hard for her to book in sessions unless they are at night or on a weekend   But luckily our course is booked for the end of Jan so I doubt that will be an issue.  It's just these blooming DBS checks that are still not completed. Hope you got on ok with your eco map.

Hi Diane, I hope you are feeling better this week and that the soreness has gone down   As for books, all of ours are on Kindle but I've just finished '20 things adoptive kids wish their adoptive parents knew'.  It's a bit (a bit more than a bit) American and I felt like a lot of it was based on how adoption used to happen but there are some valid/interesting points raised.  Also attachment books by Dan Hughes are good, they will prob mention his books on your prep when you talk about attachment.  There is a reading list on here somewhere, I had a look but can't seem to find it... maybe someone else has book marked it (like I should have done).

Dawn, hope you hear soon about stage 2  

Hi Emsiem, glad things have started well for you! Hope it continues  

Hope everyone else is doing well x


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## twinkletoes13

Hi all,

Mafergirl - That's rubbish about being delayed.   Although the time will whizz by - I can't believe it's December already! I hope your DW is able to book time off work easily, it makes everything so much harder when you have to fight to have time off - it's not like it isn't for something really important.

Diane - How are you feeling now? The one book our SW said everyone should read is Real Parents, Real Children by Holly van Gulden. It is a good book - it certainly raises a few points I hadn't thought about. The reading list Mafergirl mentions is in the resources area, I think.

Hello to Ensiem and Tinkerbell2011!  

We had another HS visit on Friday, and have them booked weekly up until Christmas now which is good. We've got solo visits next week and the week after which I'm a bit apprehensive about - no idea why because our SW is lovely, but I like having DH as a safety blanket!   SW emailed today so say that our medicals have been signed off which is a massive relief, so we can tick off that box. 

Someone said something really stupid today about adopted children and it's really got my back up. Instead of being happy about our medicals, I'm seething about how stupid and insensitive people can be.  

Anyway, I hope every one is doing well, sorry I have missed loads of people out.


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## tinkerbell80

Health and safety assessment done, and both medicals completed. Found out today that our LA does competitive matching   but it is all good. Can now relax a bit more and focus on Ofsted now. 

Off to look up competitive matching and fill in the registers and some Obs from today 
Hello to all new members


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi everyone

I know...don't fall over with shock! Soooo sorry about not posting for a while but things have been very hectic lately.

I have now started home study and I am finding the home work so time consuming at the moment that I am trying not to get too side tracked by going on the net.  I have just emailed my latest essay (yes essay!) so I am now taking a sneaky peek at what you are all up to.  

Glad to see some new names on our thread...hello!!  

Sorry for no personals will try and catch up with what you are all up to.

XX


----------



## tinkerbell80

Emisem, my SW moved quickly after the ROI forms and we had our disclosure forms, and references were sent we had our health and safety check Monday as well which went great. Our medical forms are done and dont anticipate much going wrong there other than our weight and existing health problems. Our first Prep Course is on Tuesday.

Hope everyone else is ok, I had Ofsted visit on Tuesday and I have my grading but I cant say anything about it yet but went very well.


----------



## somedaysoon

Hi everyone. Just thought I'd check in to see how things are going for you all.

Hope you are feeling better soon, Diane. Take it easy while you are recovering. I am reading 'An adoption diary' at the minute by Maria James. It goes through her whole experience of home studies, courses etc and her feeings surrounding this, then her eventual match with a young child and how he settled into their family. I have found it quite useful and reassuring.

All the best with your eco map, Caroline. We have been given ours to do but sw doesn't need it just yet.

Dawn, we also did a prep course last week for fostering and found it really good chatting to others with a similar idea in mind (no-one doing concurrent planning but still plenty of people who want to help kids).

Hope your individual interviews go well, Twinkletoes. What is competitve matching?!

Mafergal, it's so hard fitting it all in isn't it? I have had one of those weeks too.

Hi to emsiem and anyone else I have missed out! 

As for me, we had our 'fertility issues' home study this week, which we had been sort of dreading but it actually went pretty well in the end. We now have some homework on the change of lifestyle we envisage after fostering/adopting. I can tell already that the homework is going to be quite time consuming.


----------



## Caroline S

Ecomap is sort of done. I did it by hand, but it looks very messy, so then did it on the computer, but its too big, so passed both onto DH to do something with it!  DH has a complicated medical history, so need a note from his consultant which has now been done.  GP medicals are next week, so all things moving on nicely.

I'm feeling a bit worried about the homestudy with the amount of work you are all mentioning.  Sometimes it just feels like jumping through hoops.  I know and understand that they have to be thorough, but I don't do well when speaking about my feelings as I'm quite a private person.

Tinkerbell - whats competitive matching?

Hope you are all well and not affected too much by the winds/floods.  Our fence has blown down, but luckily its the one that's the neighbours responsible for not us!  Might offer to go halves on it though!


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul)

Hi Ladies, I thought I should jump in and answer the question about Competitve Matching for you - as we have been through one.

When you find a link with a child/ren you send your enquiry to the children's SWs, if they have more than one enquiry that they are interested in, then you are in a competitive match.  
It also works the other way, that an LA might be known for competitive matching and find more than one family for their child.

For us it was a paper exercise, but I do know others who have been "interviewed" by the child's SWs first before they make their decisions behind closed doors.


My wife and I only found we were in a competitive match on the day the meeting was held, our SW works part time and so if she was in could have told us before the weekend but thankfully she didn't tell us until the following Tuesday.
It is a very stressful thing to do, and it's completely out of your hands.

Hope that helps,

Paul x


----------



## tinkerbell80

Thank you Paulieboo, from what things we have gathered from Sw and others our LA do competitive matching. That has put my mind at rest I am stressing, I don't think it helps having a chest infection, and am working solidly until Tuesday.


----------



## Diane71

Hiya everyone

I'm recovery quite well today is the first day I have felt better since my operation. Thank you for asking. My prep day should have been today but I'm glad now it got moved as still very sore.

Hope u are all well, Gosh it sounds like yuz r so much further ahead than me and get a lot of home work, echo maps family trees etc can I make a start on any of these or should I just hang fire and wait til we get prep done in jan ?? 

I have a question and hope some one can answer or give advice on, now at the moment we r down for 1 child age 0 til 4 we have a spare room it hasn't been mentioned if we would like a family of 2 and we haven't really discussed it either but I always have said that 2 would be perfect for the company.

Will they discuss or bring this up further down the line or do we have to bring it up ? And do u need a second bedroom anyone ? 

Thankyou


----------



## Jacks girl

Hey all

Sorry haven't been on for a while - life has been manic. We have finally been allocated a body and she comes out mid-week woo hoo then rest of HS will be after Crimbo and should find out about possible panel dates etc

Had medical this week - stupid receptionist booked short appointment but my doc whizzed me through loads of checks said my BMI wasn't desirable on paper but that I was the fittest overweight person she knows. She said because I have modified my diet and I exercise she can recommend me no problem. 

I dunno still though if we are unofficially/officially on stage 2 or not.

Doing some extra part time work as we are skint at the moment trying to pay for Crimbo and trying to make sure anything we owe is paid off so we are at 0 owing anyone anything ready for HS. By January we will be back to normal hopefully. Two of hubby's mates have offered us the opportunity to rent somewhere near them which is an area I used to hate living in which is cheaper rent but a no-no for me. Its a step back in progress to me even though we are trying to save money ready for a bubs. Any ideas on making excuses about moving to let them down gently. I don't want to offend them but my gut is it is not a good move for us.

Sorry for the me post going to do personals tomorrow once my part time work up to date xx


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi all, hope everyone is doing ok and not stressing out about Christmas preparations as well as adoption stuff!

I've just trimmed up the house which now looks like Santa's grotto, so thought i'd sit down for a break and try and catch up with what everyone is up to.  Apologies if I miss anyone out.  

Jacks Girl - Glad you have now been allocated a SW.  At least know you can enjoy Christmas before the grilling commences! With regard to your renting issue, just be straight with them and say it's not the area you want to be.  I'm sure they won't take offence to it.  Honesty is the best policy!

Diane71 - Aww glad you're feeling like you've turned a corner   it is best that you start prep when you're fit and ready.  I would definitely utilise some of your time to start thinking about Ecomaps and family tree as once they start you with the homework, I've realised that they don't give you much time to do it.  Think about significant events through your life too and make a note of dates etc. 

Caroline S - My DH said the Ecomap I did looked like sperms!!   The homework is immense and you do wonder about the questions they ask but I am sure there is a reason for it somewhere.  I'm the same about expressing myself.  I also hate talking about myself too, it's that that I struggle with.  I just answer the questions as honestly as I can although sometimes I do feel like I repeat myself a lot!

Somedaysoon - The homework is time consuming.  I just finish a set then I get sent some more!  I feel like I should get a degree after all of this!  

Emsiem - Yes sometimes they don't hang about, but i'm sure there will be times we are foot tapping waiting for news!  

Mafergal - So sorry about the delay onto stage 2 how annoying!! 

Sorry if I missed anyone in personals but sending you my regards  

As for me - I'm just going through my homestudy.  Had my individual session this week, it went fine and no real issues were discussed.  Tbh I think the sw struggled with what to ask me but kept referring to the fact that it sounded like I had had such a good childhood and I almost felt guilty that I had!  I know that doesn't make sense but I felt like she was disappointed that there wasn't much for her to get her teeth into  

I don't have any more sessions until after new year but I am still being bombarded with homework!! SW is a Grinch  

xx


----------



## Diane71

Hi ladies 

What's an echo map ? And how far do u go back in ur family tree ?
Regards to family tree do they give u a family tree form that u just fill in. I know we only start prep in jan but I would like to get started in these 

Any help or advise would be fab xx


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi Diane71 


Just to answer your question an Ecomap is a diagram of your support network in your area.  You include family, friends, toddler groups, GP, nurseries, schools etc and what type of support they can give you I.e. Practical, emotional etc.  do some research about your area.  My family tree goes back to grandparents, but they want dates of births and deaths if they are no longer around.  I was given guidance on how to set it out but nothing to fill in.  Luckily I'm not too bad with IT skills but it was fiddly.


Hope that helps


Xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi everyone. Thanks Hunnibunni for the reply. They were totally on the hard sell yesterday as the house is opposite theirs and they were going on about helping when we adopt bubs. Told hubster I like having our privacy and space. He agrees. As if by total coincidence we found a house in the area we live in now which is bigger and has purchase possibilities which is what we want, with the same rent so have enquired about that. My brother in law lives in the same area but not so close to be uncomfortable which is better.  On the adoption front - ex Dh has been a star and done us a glowing reference. SW who came out in May told me I was an oddball because I got on with my ex. We have a child together so I don't see the point in arguing with him - just makes it worse for DS. 

Diane71 - Get well soon hun. As Hunnibunni says would definitely use the time for homework tasks and research. It will really help you on prep and also ease any anxieties about HS because you will feel knowledgeable and prepared for any challenge 

Caroline S - I have exactly the same feelings about talking about myself too especially when it comes to being estranged from a sibling and the knock on effects that has caused in my life. Honesty is the best policy. 

Somedaysoon - We thought the stage one homework pack was massive - now it turns out according to SW she is bringing more out to be done over the Crimbo hols. Last time we both had this much work to do was college/Uni!

Emsiem - They are a law unto themselves methinks 

Mafergal - Sending you big      hun. I don't know if we are officially on stage 2 yet. Going to ask SW this week. Its so frustrating but we will get there  I say its a good chance to get Crimbo and all its expense out the way in readiness for bubs. Medicals cleaned us out this month   . 

Hunnibunni - glad your individual session went well. I wouldn't worry too much. I think its like that for most people. Hope the rest of the visits go well too hun  Know what you mean about homework too - couldn't believe we have even more - feel like I have done an entire family history and personal history project too.

Tink - try not to stress too much. I think we have to trust in fate in these situations. Am sending you lots of positive vibes about getting through the process quickly and getting your bubs home soon    

Twinkletoes know what you mean hun - someone at work showed me their scan photo the other day. The actual scan thing didn't bother me it was the comment about adoption was the next best thing. I felt like saying 'while I am happy you are in your little bubble right now, I think adoption is the best thing to be honest'. Going to tell the SW that one this week. 

Hi to anyone else and any newbies. Sorry if I have missed anyone out.

Holidays are coming woo hoo        

Hugs to you all lovely ladies xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## tinkerbell80

We had our NSPCC forms through yesterday, and have got to take them back on Tuesday. Luckily today's work is not too bad and we are all off back to mine for Sunday tea via tesco to get some veg and meat. 
We have not had any homework yet but I think we get it on Tuesday. Had the stark realisation that next Christmas is going to be hugely different (mil said a bigger kitchen might be needed, I think a new tradition of going out for lunch on Christmas day is better) 

Good wishes for every one will do personals later


----------



## Arrows

Hiya all,
My husband and I are starting the approval process for no 2 in Jan/Feb but because it's our 2nd Time around we only do Stage 2 as so expecting to go to panel around May/June.

Our first was a competitive match and it certainly challenged my rather limited supply of patience because we had to wait around 6/7wks from putting our profile forward, to being shortlisted, to the interview and finally being linked. However, it goes incredibly quickly after that and 2mths later we had a beautiful 10mth old son!

The process has changed a bit since we did it last though so looking forward to enjoying a quicker system!


----------



## flickJ

Welcome to the thread Arrows, I remember you from way back and was so excited to find you are going to adopt again.  

I hope this adoption goes smoothly for you and that the quicker process works positively for you


----------



## sarah :-)~

Hi all 

my husband and i attended the prep course in September and we finished in October.
we have now started the home study part and are swamped with tons of homework. we are excited yet nervous.


----------



## emsiem

Hello everyone

Just thought I'd say hi to keep in touch, I'm on my phone so I haven't been keeping up to date as much as I like! Hubby has laptop as he's away on a course 

So we have our stage one training on Thursday we've applied online for our DBS just need our paperwork verifying which they will do Thursday and then next Thursday I have my medical, hubs is able to get his from work as he's forces good job seeing as I've got to pay out £95!!! 

We haven't started our stage one forms yet so hard to fit them in with him away and Christmas prep, must get going on them this weekend 

Sorry for the selfish post will try and read back xx


----------



## MummyPhinie

Hi everyone,
Been a bit busy here so not posted much. After surviving my nieces visit I had works Christmas party which involves an overnight stay so made the most of that while I could and then mad rush Christmas shopping, which thankfully is almost done.

Had confirmation of prep which starts 11th jan. Done our family tree all our references have sent their forms back. Lots of stress on their part as they want to do the best for us which has been super sweet, and made me quite teary when a few got shared with us. Working on our eco maps and am at very messy stage! 

Working way through some par prep questions which is a bit heavy going, difficult topics to not only think about but even harder to verbalise and write down. Being adopted myself and working witha range of poorly children gives me such a different perspective I don't know if what I am writing is right or wrong!

Been feeling quite emotional about everything, I guess this time of year generally does that to people anyway, but knowing next year our livesARE going to change after years of ttc and decisions about ivf etc. dh throwing himself to the practical aspects of the changes we have to make has been lovely to see. Going toy shopping in the new hamleys shop was way more enjoyable than toy shopping normally, we were like kids. Can't wait til we take ours there.   will no doubt be saying the opposite when that actually happens!

People being so sweet about everything at work and it's the guys more than anything that make me tear up.  I know I will have to face some negative stuff at some point but am lucky that my close old and new friends are so supportive( they are all going on the Eco map!!)

Seems that most of us have a lot going on at the moment. I think you are all fab, even through the good and the bad it's nice to know that other people are going through the same thing and completely get where you are coming from.
X x


----------



## Jacks girl

Awwww Phinie - huge hugs     good to hear you are starting soon. Whoop whoop. Its definitely another planet - good ol' planet adoption. 

Good luck and enjoy stage one training Emsiem 

Sarah think we were on the same course     I recognise you from the photo/prep course. Small world. Hope your journey is going well and that you and hubster are well. PM me if you want to chat x

Hi Flick hope you are well?

Hi to you Arrows - ready to do it all again - have a fab journey 

Tink - I have a blooming great big house and a galley kitchen   I am; hubby and I play do-say-doh when we are making dinner 

Well AFU the SW came out today. Really lovely lady. Lives in our town - great sense of humour and is a dog lover! Result! Came for a chat and a cuppa. We should be at panel by Spring 

We know have stage 2 homework - so that's my holidays sorted. Still knee deep in exam papers. Oh the joys! Just thinking of the money and also the career prospects working from home so I can go part time 

Sorry I gotta do it again.....you guessed it....festive smilies      and loads of hugs xxxx


----------



## somedaysoon

Phinie, I know how you feel. We're finding it all pretty full on at the minute. Work very busy, the stress of Christmas and then preparing four pages of homework for next session and eco map! Both of us are feeling a bit emotional after our last interview all about how we have dealt with ivf etc. Is this normal? I kind of get the impression that you are supposed to be completely unphased by everything thrown at you to show how you can cope, but finding this quite hard going.


----------



## Treaco

Hi Everyone thought I would come on to this thread and say hello as sw said today that our panel should be April/May.  I have to say it's a bit exciting when you kind of get a date but in the meantime it's homework all the way.  We had our last visit today until January 10th but she has left us with a couple of things to do over Xmas but not too much.  Will read back and try and catch up with where everyone is.  My lo said yesterday that Santa was bringing him a little sister after Xmas so he seems really excited about it all as well, which sw is really pleased about as he seems to be so on board and ready to accept another child coming into the house.

We are also finding all the things they go through a bit much especially DH as he's quite a private person.  The one thing that is getting to him more than anything is the fact they have said they have to speak to both our previous partners(we've been together 14yrs) even though none of us had children with them(why I don't know) but they said it was because we both lived with them.  Dh not happy about this as him and his ex didn't part on good terms and she blames me for their split although I didn't know he was with her when he met me.

Michelle xx


----------



## Hunibunni

Somedaysoon I feel exactly the same very emotional. I think dredging things up again when you had put it away in a little box makes you feel like that.  I honestly can't wait for this part to be over tbh.  Emotional roller coaster or what! I keep telling myself it will all be worth it and it is that is keeping me going x

Afu still ploughing through all the homework.  I hope I get A* and not a 'must try harde'  

Xx


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, this thread is getting nice and busy! Welcome to all newbies. Some of your SW's seem to be scrooge's wit all the homework they are dishing out.  

Arrows, I've read many of your posts. As you say I hope the new times scales will make this time round a very easy process for you in comparison.

Jacks girl, glad your medical went well and things are progressing nicely.

Diane, hope you are feeling better. Our family tree went back to grandparents as I'm close to mine. That meant DW had to include hers who are all sadly passed away & as already mentioned you need these dates and the dates of their marriage. 

Apologies for the lack of personals, there has been so much activity since my last post and it is very difficult to see and track back on my phone - I will do better  

AFU, still no sign of our dbs. Been checking daily, it's been at the enhanced stage since  31/10 so that's frustrating but it's out of everyone's hands. We are meeting up with our prep course on Sun for a meal and catch up which will be nice. Also we are seriously considering starting an extension on our house which would help time pass and provide a distraction from planet adoption... that throws up questions though and I started a new thread on that.

Hope everyone else is well x Jacks girl, I'm on my phone so can't add all the Xmas smileys i would like to


----------



## twinkletoes13

Hi Guys,

Sorry it's been a while…. Christmas planning is my excuse!

Mafergirl - I can't believe you're still waiting for your DBS. I have no idea what's happening with ours because the SW is dealing with it all…. I will have to ask.

Hello to all the newbies!   Our board is getting wonderfully busy!

I have just had my solo visit, which I was really getting worked up about, but it went so well. In fact it was one of the shortest visits we've had. DH has his next week, then that's us until the New Year. We're having the builders here in January - two phases of work, which both should hopefully be done before February because the SW has said that she's aiming for a panel at the end of February!!! I had been thinking March because that's what one of the couple's from the prep group had said, but we started our HS a bit earlier than them, and so SW is saying Feb. Needless to say I am just a little bit excited.  

Sorry no personals - I am just about to go out to finish the Christmas shopping!

I hope everyone is getting on well, and the homework isn't too bad.  

   - I didn't know they were there, but now I do I couldn't resist! (Thank you, Jacks Girl!!)


----------



## tractorgirl

Hi, everyone. I've been lurking on here for some time now as my husband and I have been thinking about adoption for about a year. I'm 43 and hubby is 55. We didn't actually start trying for a family until I was in my late 30s (I just didn't get broody until then) so knew time was against us. We gave it a go, though, but sadly nothing happened. Thinking about it, though, I'm kind of glad I didn't get pregnant - the thought of going through pregnancy and then babies, nappies, etc, didn't really appeal. My niece and nephew are 3 and 7 and I loved them to bits when they were babies, but I couldn't wait until they got older so I could interact with them properly. 

So it'll be no surprise that hubby and I were hoping to adopt a school-age child (4-ish). We went to our information information evening mid-November, and had our interview a week later, which went really well. The head of adoption services rang us a couple of days later to say we had been accepted and a social worker would be in touch the next week. Anyway, three weeks later, the SW finally rang today to arrange to meet us at home next Friday. She sounded really nice and is not allergic to cats and dogs (we have two of each) - phew!

I'm sure I'll be in here regularly with tonnes of questions. It's so nice having this online support network. Both our families are chuffed to bits we want to adopts so we're really looking forward to getting started. I'm not looking forward to the major house clean before next Friday, though!


----------



## claudia6662

Hey hope everyone is ok and enjoying the preprations for xmas . Im still waiting for DPS DBS form to come , plus we are waiting for the welfare report to be released from court and for SW to get this from the judge. 
It is so very fustrating now as we still havent found out if we are going to get onto stage two yet . Im going through a constant routine of checking emails etc .
How is everyone elses progress coming on


----------



## MummyPhinie

DBS came through today, we did really well think it taken about 3  - 4 weeks. Just got to get medicals booked. The receptionist seemed a bit blank with dh, although I don't think he explained it well, so I will pop down with the letters, they said they are super busy so I bet it will be after Xmas. Hope everyone else is ok x


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well it has been a big long week, I am hoping that we hear some news from our social worker again this week. Prep course was very intense but interesting. Yet again she was negative about things such as our health and weight. 

I can officially shout about it now but I had my grading inspection last week and I am graded GOOD!!! With 2points of advisory parts to follow up on. Surely that should have some bearing on the Social worker or is she destined to dislike us


----------



## Arrows

congratulations tinkerbell! if only you were in my area - now have no childminder for after Christmas!


----------



## Jacks girl

Morning chums. Cool am glad you found the festive smilies guys - they are lovely and very festive  am loving all the positivity on here at the moment. Just    for news for some of my buddies on here who feel stuck in limbo  

Mafergal I am hoping you get sorted soon with those forms - the DPS can be so quick on one load and yet so slow on others. Doesn't seem to be any middle ground really. Huge     xx

Tinkerbell80 huge congrats hun on your grading - you know I am in the world of edu myself and I know how nerve wracking waiting can be. Well done you - what a lovely Christmas present   hope it cheers your grump of a SW up 

Phinie I think you are right about taking explanatory letter down. Both our doctors were supposed to be experienced in doing these all the time for FC allegedly and still managed to be phased by the word being adoption and not fostering. Even though its same form  xx

Claudia - hope you get some good news soon hun    xxx

Hunnibunni my plan is to start stage 2 homework after the exam papers finish on 22nd and while hubster is off on leave. SW said she would take both homeworks at same time after Christmas and do her analysis. 

Tractor girl and Treaco welcome xx

Somedaysoon - I hear what you are saying I definitely agree it is an incredibly emotional journey. After finishing prep I really got into researching the concept of Birth families and their stories. I think so many emotions were going around in  my head that I just needed to deal with it all. After that research and all the stage one homework I felt drained and did other non planet adoption stuff for a while. It does drag a lot of buried emotions up but I think it can be cathartic in a way xx

Right 70 exam papers to crack and only one Jacks Girl. Have a super fab weekend everyone xxx


----------



## claudia6662

Thanks Jacks girl , i was abit like that having homework, reading everything and anything about adoption and SW seemed very impressed that both me and DP have done so much reading. 

Concrats Tinkerbell bet your well chuffed x

Merry positive christmas to all xxx


----------



## flickJ

Hi guys,

Welcome Tractor girl and Treaco - good look with your journeys  

Mafergal -    'ing for good news for you soon   

Jacks Girl - I do not envy you and all the marking you have to do, as well as doing your adoption work   Good luck!

Congratulations Tinkerbell - excellent news, surely that will impress SW  

Phinie - you seem to be going great guns at the moment   long may it continue!

Claudia - sorry you are in limbo a bit at the moment, but I am sure it will all work out and you will be on your way soon    

AFU  All seems to be going along nicely at the moment, all our references have been seen except for one, who lives in London (going to London before Christmas is not good) and most of our Par has been completed. We're on to talking about the children know and being shown some old CPR's. 

One more meeting before Christmas, and then just tidying up the loose ends    It's all getting exciting now


----------



## Diane71

Hi everyone hope u r all well and getting one step closer to having lo home 😀😀

We r not as far into the process as most of you so I hope u don't mind me asking a few questions.

Is there anyone from Glasgow still on here ?

We have 2 full days in jan for prep so Looking forward to it bug also scared.

I was wondering after prep when are we most likely to start home study ?? 
And how long does that last ? D u have meeting just with sw every few weeks or more ?

We have done our medicals and disclosure..
Thank you for reading 
Diane 

Hope everyone is organized for Xmas 🎅🎅


----------



## tinkerbell80

Thank you, I hope it goes to making our SW happy, I think it is horrible being in limbo. Dp and me are making preparations for a tip run and sorting the shed and then decorating our spare room.
I am in the Cotswolds and going through LA, one quick question how many people don't get accepted on to stage 2? I am worried that I won't. Stalking of dbs start on Monday and as far as I know all references are back. 
Have a good Sunday x


----------



## claudia6662

Hey girls, I know what you mean Tinkerbell, I am in total limbo! I cant even fully concentrate on xmas yet as its my favourite time of year. Ive never known anything to be as fustrating as waiting. At least you have things to occupy yourself with which is good. We are just waiting for a welfare report to be released from the clutches of the judge from the court then my SW and her manager will hold an emergency meeting . 

Hey Diane, prep groups are not scaring at all but i know what you mean, I felt like that too but once you meet everyone you will enjoy it more xxxx


----------



## Treaco

Hi everyone

How u all doing? Hopefully this time next yr we'll have new lo's to spend it with.xx

Diane we've been told we should go to panel April/May so that would mean our hs will have taken about 7(prob 6 with holidays) months from start to finish and hopefully u won't have to wait as long as us till ur hs starts.

Well that's us finished with visits now until 10th January so wee rest from the homework.

Michelle xx


----------



## flickJ

Diane,

We finished our Prep course on 21 October, and began our HS on the 24 October. We had already been assigned a SW during the course, and she had been out for the initial visit after our second day of prep to set out the plan  

We have had one meeting a week up until Christmas, and have our  last one on 20 December   I think government guidelines ask them to do a minimum of 8 visits of about 1.5/2 hours, but I guess that depends on each agency   (It seems to vary so much)

We are due to go to panel in February, so that means four months for HS:

Initial visit (Stage One) = 13 August 
Initial Visit (Stage 2 - Home Study) = 19 October
Started Home Visits = 24 October
Provisional panel date = 12 February


Good luck with your prep in January, nothing to worry about


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, hope you had a nice weekend!

 to tractorgirl and welcome to our group  

Twinkletoes; Glad your solo session went well, I think everyone dreads them (I know I am). Wow February will be here before you know it! So exciting, I hope it all goes to plan!

Claudia, hope your DP’s DBS has come back!  I know how frustrating it is.

Tinkerbell80, I don’t think it’s a case of they only let a certain percentage progress from stage 1 to stage 2.  If you have passed all the stage 1 checks and your LA have no concerns then you will progress.  

Jacks girl; hope the marking of papers has finally finished? Hopefully it didn't take up all of your weekend and you got to do something festive  

Flick; I'm so happy things are progressing nicely for you!

Flick, Twinkletoes, Jacks girl, just to say thanks for your good wishes re. our DBS… we finally got our DBS certificates on Saturday! They both came together and so I emailed our SW immediately to tell her and ask if we could book in dates for home study.  She got back to me today with a list of her availability dates; we will have 6 sessions between Jan 20th and Feb 21st, plus an observation.  We will book our individual sessions in during March but she will talk more about that and a panel date on our first meeting. DW now has to plead with her boss to get this time off. 

Our next mini hurdle/thing to worry about is the observation.  The reason I am doing volunteer work is because none of our friends/family have children for me to use as examples of experience.  Goodness knows where we are going to pluck some children from to be observed interacting with.  But I’m sure that somehow we will work something out  .

Hope everyone is well and enjoying the build up to Christmas x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone, we heard today that we will be aiming for panel on the 7th April 😄😄 yay!!! Amazing to have a date to work towards xx


----------



## Diane71

Hey adoption dreams 


That is fantastic 😃👍 u must be so excited lets hope u get lo home fir next Xmas xx


----------



## claudia6662

thats brilliant Adoption dreams, so happy for you, lots of wishes for you xxxx


----------



## Jacks girl

Hey all 

Twinkletoes good luck with the rest of the visits 

Claudia, my hubbies DBS took a while to come back too    it comes back soon. 

Tinkerbell80 try not to worry too much as easy as it sounds. I think you will be fine. I just think all these different agencies are a law unto themselves despite the national guidelines. 

Mafergal lol almost there thanks but been poorly since last week. Finally went to docs yesterday to be told its viral and I need to rest (doc made comment did I know what that word meant). Today had to go about my digestive tract to be told there was nothing wrong with that just part and parcel of being run down and to be honest the nurse made me feel a bit like an  . Hoping to get better soon so I can spend the last few days of term with the kids at school. Feel rubbish today and decided Benylin is vile stuff which makes me worse! Anyway enough about my aches and pains  - am well chuffed your DBS forms finally came whoop whoop  that means you can get started now and from the sounds of things you will be roughly in line with us. Whoop! Happy times are here adain. FX now your wifey can get sorted with the boss!

Flick; yay  progressing nicely there!

Adoption dreams yay  its so cool having a date to work towards. Our panel date in March is the day after my bro's birthday 

Diane71 enjoy the break from the mountain of homework 

hey to everyone else


----------



## mafergal

Excellent news adoption dreams!  I can imagine how much of a boost it is to have a date to work towards. I'm so pleased for you.

Jacks girl, sorry you have been so ill.  My DW is a Deputy Head and works pretty much 14 hour days and at weekends.  She has been suffering with a viral infection for the past 2 weeks but she won't rest, like you I don't think she knows what it means.  We're waiting for her Head to ok some dates for our home study.  Poor DW has picked dates when she has free's, but she then has to make up that time somewhere and there are just not enough hours in the day.  Hope the Head doesn't make it difficult for her, or make her take the time off as unpaid.

A quick question for those of you doing home study, I know we can't talk about specifics but I wondered if the homework was mainly joint projects or individual? Wondering if we really need to space out the sessions so DW has a fighting chance  

Hope everyone is well x


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi guys

Hope you are all getting excited for Christmas!!  I feel much better now all my wrapping is done...it's the worst job ever!!

I've nothing new to report really.  Still doing lots of homework which takes up a lot of your time.
Mafergal - just to answer your question.  Some parts are individual papers, some a mixture of individual and joint and some are joint.  I would say though that it is extremely time consuming.  I should imagine that it will be the last thing your dw will want to be doing after working a 14 hour shift.  My weekends seem to be taken up with lots of homework at the min.  I submitted my latest homework last night thinking it would be the last one before Christmas but no, sw has sent more!!  Definitely a Grinch lol

Sorry for no proper personals.  But it looks like everyone is speeding along nicely.  Woohoo!  

xx


----------



## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone!

Everyone seems to be whizzing along which is wonderful!

Mafergirl - I am not sure if DH and I are were freakishly quick, or whether we had a lot less homework than is the norm, but it took me about a day in total (22 pages typed), and DH did his in just over a morning (16 pages typed). I know we can't say much about HS etc, but I really found that thinking about the type of stuff it covers beforehand really helped speed up the process of actually typing it all up. DH said that reading what I had said helped him with his, so if you do yours I am sure that your DW will find it easier. I hope that makes sense!  

I can't believe that you have to do an observation - is that quite common?! Our SW hasn't mentioned anything like that, and I'm definitely not going to ask! I would be beyond terrible!   Good luck with it, I am sure you'll both be wonderful!

Adoption Dreams - that's wonderful news! Congratulations!

Diane + FlickJ - our process so far is more or less identical to yours, we started HS a week later I think, and we're aiming for a late Feb panel, so HS will have lasted in the region of four months.

Jacks Girl - I hope you feel better soon (your DW too, Mafergirl). DH is starting to flag a little, I think everyone is very much in need of the Christmas break. I hope you're intending to spend it relaxing… After all things will be very different next year.  

Welcome to Tractorgirl (love the name, btw!).  

Hunnibunni - I just have one more parcel to post and then that's everything sorted out. I can then focus on getting excited and poking the presents under the tree. Although I still need to do the food shopping…. 

Sorry if I have missed anyone out - this board is too busy for me to keep up with!


----------



## tractorgirl

Evening, everyone - hope you're all ok. We've got our first social worker visit on Friday and one thing has started troubling me about the house. We only have the one bathroom, which has a nice shower but no bath. We are looking to adopt a school-age child so I'm hoping that showering won't be much of an issue - of course, it will be an issue if the child has only ever had baths. Is this going to put us at a disadvantage straight away? Obviously I'm thinking about how we can make showering "fun" to get round this if it is a problem. We had our bathroom gutted and re-fitted about a year ago at quite an expense so it's not an option to gut it and start again - we haven't got the funds to do that. What do you think? xx


----------



## Arrows

tractorgirl, you should be fine with a shower and if needs be you can always get one of those extra large flexible buckets to use  We always use them when away camping work even for adults 
my friend introduced the shower to her kids at around 4yrs old they thought of it as their rain machine! I've been doing showers with my Lo since we got him at 10mths and all fine.


----------



## tinkerbell80

Just a mini update, I am still feeling in limbo but a little less in Limbo, we are still on target to finish stage 1 although we are waiting for medical reports. I am now hoping they come through soon as they are what is delaying our DBS as they dont send them off until the med reports are done. Social worker is more receptive to my job and has actually looked at the breakdown of my hours I sent her and has said oh you really are part time.. with exceptionally low ratios. 
Tractorgirl my neices loved the shower and thought it was like getting rained on so should not be an issue.. I am having a little bit of down time before the next four come in... have thrown all plans out of the window! they are too tired and grumpy to do anything so we are having a craft afternoon + play in the Ampitheatre to get some sticks.. 
have a good day, I will do a proper post later 
xx


----------



## flickJ

Hi Guys,

Mafergal - finally! What a relief to get your DBS back, good luck for Home Study in Jan  

Adoptiondreams - congrats on getting a date to work to   

AFU Meetings over for this year - SW said she would be filling in our PAR and then seeing us again in January to go through it  

My heads in a bit of a spin at the moment, we're nearing the end of a long road (don't speak to soon  ) and it doesn't seem real


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## Diane71

Hi ladies 

Just a quick one from me I thought I had posted this already!!

Anyway just fin reading an adoption diary by Maria James which was interesting happy and sad but well worth a read, I probably won't read agin 

It's bout a family that went through the adoption process 2002 so if anyone would like please pm me...

I do hope the process has sped up since then lol 

Does anyone know of any recent books that have been published they all seem to be in the past few years

Merry Xmas to everyone 
🎄🎅


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## claudia6662

Merry christmas one and all.

Well i still havent heard anything not even a little peep, so i sent SW an email and havent had nothing back from that either so we probably wont hear nothing now until the new year. It would of been nice to at least hear something over the festive period , oh well. Highly fustrated but my hands are tied. Will just have to make to most of xmas and see what happens in the new year. 
I hope everyone has a good christmas and a very happy new year xxx


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## tractorgirl

Evening everyone - hope you're all looking forward to the weekend. It's nearly wine o'clock - yay! Our social worker came round for her first visit today. It seemed to go well. We had our DBS/medical authorisation forms arrive in the post yesterday so filled them in and gave them back to her today. I spent all last night and this morning in a whirlwind of cleaning fluids and she didn't even look round the house - typical. She did use the loo so my efforts weren't in vain. She gave us the actual DBS form to fill in and send back. We have our first two-day training date booked at the end of January. She also gave us our workbooks to make a start on. It's quite big but I'm a writer by trade so quite looking forward to filling it in. Hubby will probably struggle with it as he's not much of a wordsmith and is not very computer literate. He also gets so easily distracted - I was trying to get him to fill in the medical form this morning and he started going on about some dirty marks on the wall! I think all the home study stuff is going to be challenging for him, but we'll see how it goes. I think I might be typing it all out for him. The SW said we are looking at a late May panel if all goes well, but we had booked a holiday in the middle of May so it might be delayed by a few weeks. We did say we could cancel it but she told us to go - after all it might be the last "adult" holiday we have for a long time. 

Anyway, have fab weekends everyone - only one and a half more working days to go before the holiday. Xx


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## MummyPhinie

Hope everyone is well and looking forward to Christmas. Having just had the week from hell at work and being on call until Boxing Day with 2 more days of work, adoption stuff surprisingly is keeping me sane! Both DBS back, 2 of our reference interviews have occurred, feedback from my dad suggests went really well and he likes our sw. Had a welcome pack through with the content and reading material from prep course which is exciting.Hubs got medical on17th jan, still need to get mine sorted, gps are busy this time of year! Despite the outlying stuff an email from our sw saying that she pleased we doing the safety bits to the home, and will come early in new year and book our HS! As if it's all a formality going on to stage 2!
2014 will be an exciting year for all of us!


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## claudia6662

Glad its going well for you Phinie , will be glad when we get on to stage 2 if we do. Its crazy this time of year but have been doing lots of reading to keep myself busy .


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## flickJ

Hi Everyone,

Just a quick hello from me and wishes for a Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year to all of us (whatever stage we are at)


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## tinkerbell80

Merry Christmas every one, hopefully next year will be different!


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## claudia6662

Merry christmas each and everyone on here and thanks for the support guys, hopefully my present is yet to come which hopefully will be getting onto stage 2 , i hope everyones dreams come true for christmas and in the new year, you all deserve it xxxxx


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## Jacks girl

Merry Christmas lovely ladies xxx


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## mafergal

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you are all having a wonderful day! Wishing you all a very happy 2014 xxx


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## do dreams come true

hi everyone hope santa was kind to you all.   here to 2014 being our year


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## tinkerbell80

Hello, hope everyone was spoilt for Christmas? I was spoilt lots of smellies, new PJs and some cookery books and a slanket. 
Well my stepmother kicked off about the adoption, but intend to ignore her as she is one of these people that have very odd opinions and actually refused to listen when I said my neice was being a brat and actually encouraged her to wipe her hands on her trousers but then again totally impractical taking her to a 5 star restaurant! But that's what she is like.


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## Diane71

Hiya everyone 

Now all the madness is over for another year, I hope everyone had a lovely Xmas and was spoilt rotten.

I had a lovely Xmas and was spoilt we r also off to a lovely hotel 2 Moro night and it has leisure facilities so looking forward to a wee swim and jacuzzi 

Hope 2014 is our year and how perfect would it be for us all to bring our little ones home for Xmas of 2014 xx 😘


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## claudia6662

Diane i couldnt agree with you more, that more than anything would be the perfect gift of all to be a proper family , ahhh i feel so warm and fuzzy inside lol


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## tinkerbell80

That's what's kept me motivated this Christmas is that next Christmas is going to be so different. Hope everyone has a great new year, Dp and I are doing our homework today


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## claudia6662

hey tinkerbell, btw what is a slanket ? lol have fun doing your homework.


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## tinkerbell80

It's a blanket with sleeves homework went out the window, Dp's brat of a sister dropped a bombshell and I know it was deliberate but no one can see it


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## Hunibunni

Hi guys just a quick hello and to wish you a merry Christmas and Hope Santa was good to you all. I've been a busy bee, enjoyed Christmas but so glad it's over! I have a wedding this weekend and then a whole week off work and concentrate on planet adoption.  New year, new beginnings for us all!! 

Xx


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## tinkerbell80

Realised that I have been a brat, still not impressed but nothing I can do to change it. I think my fears are that our child will be pushed out and treated differently. Dp is slowly seeing my way. I am in no way jealous of her being pregnant which is the other thing thrown at us.


----------



## Arrows

Tinkerbell, totally normal to feel that way! Even when you have your LO home you'll disagree with aspects of your family members' parenting and they'll probably compare yours with your sibling's too!
My mum thinks I'm too controlling and I think my niece is a totally rude brat of a child and her parents are too lax. In all honesty,  somewhere in the middle is probably the best place to be but I'll never tell her that! 

My brother summed things up brilliantly yesterday comparing the relationship I have with my mum to the one his wife has with hers:
P and her mum only ever talk about inconsequential things so they never argue
my mum only ever talks to me about heavy important stuff so we always argue

Ugh. Life's a balance!


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## somedaysoon

Families - you gotta love them lol! We have had our fair share of insensitive comments over the festive period too. My mum (who I should have known can't keep quiet) has more or less informed everyone about what we plan to do,  and my dad keeps asking, "but do you think the child would really have a better life without its real parents?!" Well duh! No it would be much better off with an unstable, chaotic upbringing... 

Tinkerbell, hope the homework is going ok and you're enjoying that slanket! I got a very cosy onesie from Santa that I am currently chilling out in.

Hunibunni, hope you are enjoying your time off. Have a great time at the wedding. 

Hi to everyone else. Enjoy the holidays!


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## tinkerbell80

Homework almost done, I have been focusing on the positives of the last few days and sil being pregnant is not a bad thing just a learning curve. 
We have done a bit of shopping in the sales too I have bought a Mama et Bebe bag for a bargain £20 and some pooh bear bedding as well. Sil wants my leather look bag and she is welcome to it along with some other bits


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## tinkerbell80

Happy new year ladies, hope you have a great night and hope everything we dreamed of comes true in the new year! See you all in 2014!! 
Tinkerbell and Mr Tinkerbell xx


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## flickJ

Happy New Year everyone    

Hope all your dreams come true


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## mafergal

To everyone, I hope you had a lovely Christmas and Santa was kind to you. I was working over Christmas but still managed to make the most of it with the hope that next year will be totally different. MY DW wrote and had made this amazing book for me containing us and our dog that one day we will read to our child. Honestly it is brilliant 

I'm just tracking back a little to do some personals since my last proper post



twinkletoes13 said:


> I can't believe that you have to do an observation - is that quite common?! Our SW hasn't mentioned anything like that, and I'm definitely not going to ask! I would be beyond terrible!  Good luck with it, I am sure you'll both be wonderful!


Twinkletoes, I spoke to our SW again as I was really worrying about this. She said an observation isn't essential, they just prefer to do one on both of us for the PAR as it looks good. She is happy to just observe me doing my volunteer work as that is better than no observation at all. Hope things continue to progress well for you this month.

Phinie, if your SW is talking like that re. stage 2 and booking HS sessions then I'd see it as a positive. Our SW has booked HS sessions with us and emailed us more forms for us to fill in just before Christmas for home study so I'm assuming that we will proceed to stage 2.

Tractorgirl, hope your homework book is coming along fine. I was really daunted filling mine in, as was DW but as we got started the info just seemed to pour out of us. It would probably help your DH to read yours first if that's possible to get an idea of the kind of thing to write about.

Flick, so glad things are going well and you are nearing the end. Hope you get your meeting early this month and your PAR is spot on 

Hi Diane, my DW recently read the following book and recommends it as an easy read; No matter what; An Adoptive family's Story of Hope, Love and Healing by Sally Donovan. She also bought it for her mum to read (I've not gotten around to it yet) 

Claudia, I do hope you hear something this/next week. I know it is so frustrating waiting for some contact.

Tinkerbell80, I hope the homework is coming along nicely, if it's not completed already.

Apologies if I have missed anyone out!

Hope everyone as well and that we all see a lot of progress by the end of this month 

Happy New Year everyone  I hope 2014 brings us all a new level of happiness


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## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone,

Sorry I've been MIA I've been so busy lately and time is rushing away. Things going great here - we have our next meeting on the 13th. I'm honestly counting down the months to approval in April.

DH and I spotted our nursery furniture in the sales - down to half price which is only £800 so we're talking the bull by the horns and going to buy it tomorrow. We can't pass up on such a good opportunity. Am I insane Lol. The store said they will hold onto it for us and deliver after panel xx


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## claudia6662

Thanks Mafergal, well i have heard from SW , she wanted DP to write consent form for the welfare report so they can release it. So cause Dp was off today I told SW to ring him, but of course he was in the bath. So fustrated , told DP hasnt he heard of 1471,  lol  men    anyhow we have sent an email back to SW and DP is going to speak to SW tomorrow.

Fustrated, very nervous and excited rolled into one.

Glad everyone had a new year btw and ready to knuckle down again.


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## somedaysoon

Happy new year everyone! Have just finished writing my life history in preparation for our individual sessions!  Phew...feeling pretty drained but relieved!

Mafergal, an observation sounds like an intrusion too far. I mean really? Can't they trust us when we say we work with/look after/babysit kids? And surely our references vouch for how we behave towards children. Hope yours goes well though. I'm sure if you just do what you always do in your volunteer work, it will all go fine.

Adoption Dreams, how exciting picking furniture! That's something to look forward to after panel.


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## Jacks girl

Hey everyone and a happy hearty new year to you all 

Someday soon I have just finished what is hopefully our last task on stage one and stage two homework - just the mammoth task of printing, organising and putting into files ready for our first homestudy next week. Our SW will be taking away a large folder with all info in it as I just wanted to get it done and dusted ready. I am printing a copy our for DH as he has told me what to write and I have typed it up. He finds paperwork stressful so I have been squeezing all the information from him as he is not a wordy person. I figure if I print it all out a few days before he can re-read through it so he knows what sort of questions he will be answering in homestudy as from what we understand it forms the basis of what we will be exploring and discussing. I am excited to get started particularly as our SW seems so down to earth and is a local lass! 

Mafergal - they should as someday soon said take you at your word. Its a bit like them insisting on an observation of me and DH with my DS!

Claudia - hope you get all sorted and things are once again underway for you 

Adoption Dreams - we are supposed to go to panel in March but I am apprehensive about buying stuff just yet but I say go for it and put it away ready especially if the store will hold it for you until then. I have seen loads of nice stuff for sale and been so tempted to buy it. From end of January I am going to start bulk buying essentials like wipes and general things like stairgates. 

Flick - hoping things now come to a good conclusion with PAR ready for panel.

Phinie fx you are onto stage 2 soon - we saw getting allocated and getting stage 2 homework/booking sessions as we are sign we are over the hurdle and onto the next stage even though we haven't been told that officially. We took getting the stage 2 homework as a sign in essence. 

Tractorgirl, Twinkletoes, Mafergal and Tink - good luck with your homework too ladies 

Arrows I have similar things in my family too sometimes 

Hunnibunni - how are things going?

AFU - as I said homework should be mostly done fx unless we get more tasks from SW over next few weeks - I daresay there will be more individual stuff to do nearer those sessions. First of weekly visits starts next week...eeek nervous but excited to get on.

We have talked about moving somewhere cheaper before we bring home a LO as we want to save money on housing (we rent) and so we have extra cash spare in our budget (which isn't bad) while I am off work as so I can afford to definitely say part time work as I bring in the most money. DH earns much less than me but still insists I am the main care giver. I just don't want to rock the boat with SS particularly as we have had to include stuff about our home now. I would welcome any views on this one. 

Hope everyone is well. Sorry if I have missed anyone out not intentional. 

xxxx


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## MummyPhinie

Just a quickie. Sw called my sil as she too far away to visit and they were on phone for over an hour! She emailed me today to say she was compiling the stage one report to give to her manager and should be calling us next week after her manager has seen it to book visit to discuss next step, we haven't even had our medicals yet, is this normal just to plough on?


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## tinkerbell80

Heya, have finished the homework, very hard writing without sounding selfish about why I want to adopt. We have started a map of where our support network are in relation to us. We have also written although not been asked a list of questions to ask foster carer when we are matched.
We have chosen our wallpaper and colour for spare room and the bedding, we have a theme I like Owls my favourite poem is the Owl and the pussycat.

How is everyone else getting on


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## Hunibunni

Hi guys...Happy New Year!!!  Who's excited for 2014? It's our year!! Yay! 

Had a busy festive period and just been spending the last few days doing major decluttering! I can't believe how much stuff we have gotten rid of.  Had to be done though or we wouldn't be able to fit LO anywhere! 

Got next SW visit on Monday so will have to try and do next homework assignment over the weekend as I don't want a detention lol

Hope everyone is well 

Xx


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## mafergal

Hi everyone. Happy New Year Flick, hope things are all good! 

Claudia hope your DP got hold of your SW and that things start moving really quickly for you.

Adoptiondreams, glad things are going so well! I'm a bit behind you but I think if we had a panel date & our SW was confident about things then I would buy something under those circumstances. We've been twiddling our thumbs a bit waiting for checks so to kill time I've been making wish lists and have had to stop myself buying an item or two  

Thanks for the comments re. an observation somedaysoon and Jacks girl. Seems like no one else has been asked this   tbh I kind of understand why they would want to see me interacting with young children because I have very little experience, friends and family don't have LO's and so my refs couldn't comment in depth about me with children. I don't mind being observed at the nursery and if it's a plus to go in our PAR then I can't complain. But you guys made me think if we did have a DS/DD and they wanted to observe us I wouldn't be so understanding   it is a bit patronising. I'll ask others on our prep if they have been asked to arrange one.

Glad you finished your homework tinkerbell80

Phinie, I'd just go with what your SW says. My agency won't start S2 until S1 is complete and that includes all checks including medical. But some don't seem to mind what order things are done in as long as everything is complete for panel. It might be worth mentioning medicals to your SW because some people (like me) have had a nightmare trying to book one in with a gp. Or contact your gp to ask their process & appointment timescales. Mine took almost 2 months from requesting the appointment to actually getting it. I'd hate for a medical to hold you up!

Jacks girl, sounds like you have been extremely busy and pro-active! Bet your SW will be very impressed with your organisation. Good luck with your first HS! Ours start in 2 weeks and I can't wait so know just how you feel. I would maybe explain you thoughts on moving to you SW on this visit. I've read a few posts over the months (and months) of trawling this site and read different thoughts/outcomes. I think they want you settled in a place and to have done the risk assessment before approval panel because lots of the info in the PAR relates to the home, local amenities, proximity to support network etc. If you moved it could hold things up for you so I would discuss it with your SW face to face as soon as you can. Others may be able to give you more info.

Somedaysoon, well done on finishing your life history! Hope your individual sessions go well. Do you have a set panel date?

Hi Hunnibunni, well done on the de-cluttering front! It's something I've not had the inclination or energy to do yet so A* for that one. Hopefully it's an A* piece of homework you write over the weekend  

Hope everyone else is well x


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## MummyPhinie

Thanks mafergal, dh is on 17th and mine on 29th. Didn't even attempt to get them in December and was a touch difficult arranging them until I told dh to speak to practice manager. The wait was to get them with our own GPS who know us although I think w could have squeezed them in a bit earlier otherwise. Sw is aware of the dates and our prep 3 days finish 18th with extra 4th day in February. She told us stage1 is officially to the 4th ( today!!!!) as that's 2 months after acceptance of our initial application.  So excited about starting home study as me and dh have done a lot of talking about it all! Any hoo gotta dash as I'm attempting to get on a train today to meet my old school friends, one with a 1 year old I haven't met and another who is very pregnant, and I can now meet them without feeling completely depressed over my lack of family!


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## tinkerbell80

Well the postman brought us a letter from the social worker, they are coming out with her manager on the 7th of Jan to discuss the next stage.. is this a good or bad thing?


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## Lorella

Hi ladies. I wonder if it's ok to join this thread?
My DH and I are hoping for approval July/August. 
We are just coming to the end of stage 1 and have all our A and B forms sent in. 
Medicals are next week and letters just gone out to referees. 
We are applying through our LA. 
Good luck to you all wherever you are on your adoption journeys 😊
Next wk we also have a 'registration support session' for 2hrs in the evening. I wondered if anyone could let me know what to expect from this?
Thanks ladies xxx


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## tinkerbell80

Welcome Lorella, I am tinkerbell currently on stage 1 and have a meeting with SW and manager on Tuesday at our house. To discuss the next stage am very nervous as we have had some problems with our SW saying our house was cluttered and not understanding my job but at the prep day they were positive about my job especially after my ofsted result and low ratios.


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## mafergal

Hi Lorella   welcome to our group. I've finished stage 1, starting stage 2 in two weeks. 

We didn't have anything called a registration support day. Have you done a prep course yet? On day 1 of ours we had about an hour and a half with our SW who went through and signed off our DBS forms with us to be sent off, gave us our medical forms and several other 'homework' forms and booklets (a really thick booklet that included family tree, support network diagram etc and she explained how to do it and the info required) to complete before stage 2. It was also a general chat and her introducing herself as our allocated SW, explaining where we were, timescales, what we could expect from them and what was required from us etc. Not sure if this is the kind of thing that it will involve with you... enjoy it though and good luck on the rest of your adoption journey x


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## Lorella

Hi Tinkerbell and Mafergal and thanks for the welcome 😊

Tinkerbell - good luck with your visit. I am sure it will be just fine 😊. A cluttered house shouldn't have any reflection on what great parents you'll make and I'm sure it's not cluttered anyway! Going by your update are you a childminder? I am a primary school teacher. Any job working with children can only be a positive I say 😊

Mafergal - we do a 3 day prep course as part of stage 2 so fingers crossed we will be doing ours in Feb. We've already had our DBS forms checked and completed all our family tree and support network forms and sent them off. Good luck to you too 😊

We were given a 2 month timescale for stage 1 and this is up on Jan 29th. Then we have been given a 4 month timescale for stage 2 which takes us up to hopefully approval. My LA was part of the new pilot for the quicker process..... I'm not sure if all LAs are doing this or not yet? Wondered if anyone else is on this timescale? 😊xxx


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## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone!

Happy new year! Hopefully this one will be a good one for us all.  

Welcome to the new people! 

Sorry I haven't been around for a while - what with Christmas, New Year and the builders coming tomorrow the past couple of weeks have flown by. 

Phinie - our SW has just ploughed on with everything regardless of whether things were back or not. I think it's entirely dependent on the agency, some seem really picky about waiting for things etc, and others not. Ours don't even have a stage one and two, everything is just done at the same time.

Lorella - our agency don't hold anything like that, but it's a similar set up to Mafergirl's agency. Part of our prep group was about the process, legislation etc.

Jacksgirl - I would recommend speaking to your SW about the implications of moving house. They might not have an issue with it, but I suspect that they probably will. At our prep group it was mentioned that if people have recently moved to their area, or are intending to move in the near future they like people to settle, build their support network etc before starting the process. I'd just mention it in passing to your SW and gauge her reaction.

Adoption Dreams - I was going to reply on your other post, but to save repetition I'll post here. We haven't bought anything yet, and we won't be until we're approved at the earliest. I don't think there is anything wrong with buying stuff before hand, but I personally couldn't do it - if anything went wrong I would be distraught to have stuff in the house. Also, there are so many people who go into this thinking they want one age range/sex, and then get matched with something totally different, that I know I'd end up having to sell loads of stuff! Well done on finding such a bargain though!  

Mafergirl - I hope your SW explains the observation thing a bit more, and good luck for stage 2!!

We haven't got any HS visits this coming week because the builders will be here tearing the house apart. Now it's January and 2014, I can say we should be at panel NEXT month, and we should be parents THIS year. Every time I think that I get just a little bit over excited!  

Right, I'd better get off and finish the packing!


----------



## babas

We have now done three prep days, had medicals, dbs are underway (our paper work was shredded by accident so there's a big delay), all references done and we are now just waiting for everything to come together before we can move on to stage two!


----------



## mafergal

Lorella, that's the time scales I think most of us in England/Wales are on, I've just not heard of prep being done in stage 2 as generally stage 2 is the assessing stage, stage 1 is checks and info (lots of info gained in prep). But Feb isn't too far away and would be at the start of your stage 2 so it wouldn't make that much of a difference. In Scotland they have the same time scale but no stage 1 or 2 so the order doesn't matter. My stage 2 should have started in Dec but medicals and dbs results held us up so we are about a month off track hoping for an approval panel date in May.

Hi Twinkletoes13, hope you had a good Christmas! Good luck with the builders, I hope it all goes smoothly x

Hi babas, I'm just out of this period. Everything came together mid Dec but Xmas got in the way so we are about a month behind schedule starting hs in 2 weeks. Hope everything comes together quicker for you x


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## tinkerbell80

Lorella, you would think although admittedly one part of the living room was cluttered, but it is sorted and we are in the midst of sorting ready for a tip run next weekend. Yes I am a childminder, I have very low numbers and proud of them as I have a good relationship with parents and children. I might have a good escape clause for Tuesday and hopefully bring it forward to tomorrow or hope she does not mind 4 children at tea time lol


----------



## tractorgirl

Hi, everyone - hope you all had a fab Christmas and new year. Back to work for me tomorrow after two weeks off - not looking forward to that!

I spent most of the two weeks doing my workbook; hubby is still doing his. I quite enjoyed doing it. I'm a writer by trade so I found it interesting to do. I actually got a bit emotional as well at some bits, which I wasn't expecting. Hubby is struggling with his as he's not very computer-literate and he doesn't do much writing, so I'm helping him flesh his out. He seems to think a couple of sentences will do!

We had our nephew over for three days during Christmas to get some childcare experience - his first sleepover with us. It went well (when we actually managed to drag him away from his new Nexus tablet). I had to spend two hours with him at the cinema  watching Moshi Monsters, which is two hours I'll never get back. Even he admitted we should have got our money back. He seemed to enjoy himself, though, and he wasn't much trouble. The nice thing is that our referees are currently doing their references on us and one of them is my sister. She got my nephew to write a paragraph on how he found his stay with us - thankfully, he was very positive so he'll get a birthday present this year  

We've both got our medicals booked in this month. Our DBS forms have been sent back. Our references are currently being done, so stage 2 is nearly over. Everything is supposed to be completed by 25 Jan, although hubby's medical is the week after so I think we'll be a week or so delayed.

We had originally booked a holiday in May this year and we asked our SW whether we should cancel it as it would coincide with the end of stage 3. She said go ahead - it might be our last "adult" holiday so we've decided to go. We're on a cruise to Norway - it'll be the first time we've had a balcony as we got a good deal (usually we have an inside cabin),  so it would have been a shame to cancel it. At least it'll be something to look forward to and we'll probably need the rest after stage 3!

Anyhow, hope you're all ok and looking forward to reading your updates!
Xx


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## claudia6662

Hey Tractorgirl , sounds like you have been a busy bee . How did you find the homework for stage two? So you havent got long until panel then have you, have they given you a date yet?  Me and DP are still waiting for an answer it has been over 4 months now and they are nearly finished their mission in getting a welfare report   but am keeping busy with arranging meeting friends on weekends, seeing my grand-daughter  once a week and knitting my patchwork quilt for LO.


----------



## tractorgirl

Hi Claudia - the homework was very time consuming. I think my document is 40-odd pages. Basically they need to know your life history plus all your adoption thoughts. I'm glad we had the Christmas holiday to do the bulk of it - I don't know how I would have managed trying to do it in the evenings after work. Stage 3 should finish late May/early June, but we haven't had a panel date - I guess we have to wait until they approve us through stage 2.


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## claudia6662

lol so its even more time consuming than stage one ! I'm sure you will get the date soon , i much prefer dates, it gives me something to focus on.  Its kind of even more exciting talking about the kind of child you are hoping to adopt . I am trying my best to be extra patient now lol x


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## Jacks girl

Hi all

Tractor girl and Claudia - I think I have written everything they will ever need for a PAR its that detailed but there always seems to be something more that they want. I am quite used to analysing behaviours and psychology so our homework is very social worker friendly reading in that respect. Tractor girl we weren't told that we were now in stage 2 we kind of drifted into it if that makes sense i.e. handed stage 2 homework and home visits were booked/prospective panel date given. I guess it just depends on your agency. Mafergal I have fingers, toes, and everything crossed that you are back under way soon hun xx Good luck Babas. Twinkletoes good luck with the building improvements  xx Hi to everyone else! xx

Update homework for stages one and two handed in successfully, just got to send her some more files by email as they wouldn't print so have to compatibility do-dah them. Our SW is lovely and so easy to talk to even DH finds it easy to talk with her! Sometimes emotionally he is like blood out of a stone!

She seemed to be happy with everything we said and the visit lasted a little over an hour and a half. We have done a really detailed homework so I hope it helps her with what she needs from the next sessions.

The only thing that worries me is budgeting to be off for six months so budget and finances are my primary aim. We have about £500 to pay off our catalogue and I want to get my credit card back down to zero and some savings away. Luckily my extra irons in the fire are going to help with that with my exam board work and my writing career. Eeek exciting news is I have a copywriting trial for a media company  hoping to impress and build up my portfolio working for them  
Feel really positive at the moment but am a eternal worrier and pessimist, worrying about all the possible things that could or would go wrong. Anyone else the same?

Hopefully back to the gym tonight 
xxxx


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## somedaysoon

Sounds like you were busy, Tractorgirl! We had our nephew and niece for a sleepover recently too. Glad I didn't have to endure Moshi monsters though!

Jacksgirl, I feel exactly the same. I don't normally worry so much, but recently have all these worries and fears about what we are doing. Will we be approved? What if we say something wrong? How long will it take to find a match? What could be wrong with our future child eg FAS etc, and what if it all doesn't work out?? And the list goes on and on... I'm a little curious about your 'social worker friendly' PAR! I'm now hoping she won't go through mine with a fine toothed comb picking up little undertones.


----------



## Diane71

Hello everyone

How r u all doing ??

We we r just counting the days til we start prep it's the last 2 Fridays this month but not had an official letter as yet

So after a busy Xmas n new year I'm having a detox of booze so doing the dryathlon for the whole of jan for cancer research so no booze for me if anyone would like to donate a few pounds the just click on my link below and thankyou




__ https://www.facebook.com/diane.docherty.37/posts/10152150664712264


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## Jacks girl

Hey Diane - good on you. Hope the time flies by for you till prep and you got your official letter. Somedaysoon don't worry hun about your homework. I just meant it was written with the frankness that she said she wanted and I am aware of needs related issues because of my job that's all I meant so dunna panic   . 

Well this week I have bought things I probably shouldn't have just yet but they were unisex and a bargain. Also, I have sat down and gone through our finances, so I feel a little bit better about our ability to take a wallop pay wise (things like stock piling/filling our chest freezer etc/where we buy things for an LO and how.when)when I am off on leave. Now just got to build up my little money making venture and act on my plans at the appropriate time. In the meantime its getting used to living on a budget, getting rid of some credit balances and squirreling any extra cash away, or not touching any part time money made. 

Hope everyone is ok?

xxxxx


----------



## MummyPhinie

Prep starts tomorrow, feeling nervous  and a bit anxious eek, got second day on Sunday. Took a days annual leave to do bits/ jobs round the house and a bit of r and r. Even though we have the aims and topics covered not sure what to expect as it is all day and I know will feel a touch exposed as they only ever have a max of 10 families there. I am sure everyone else feels the same.  Dh is annoying very calm and collected about it all!


----------



## babas

Prep is fine Phinie35. I was worried about it but really enjoyed it in the end.


----------



## Diane71

Hi phinie hope the prep goes well, looking forward to hearing it all bout 
I start mine the last 2 Fridays this month so  a bit anxious as well 

X


----------



## Diane71

Ps anyone want to sponser me lol

http://www.justgiving.com/Diane-Docherty-dryathlete?utm_source=emailvision&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=FR_page_creation


----------



## thespouses

Can I sneak in at the back?

As we are 2nd time adopters the approval will be shorter for us, we did our DBS forms yesterday and could go to panel in April!

We need to ring our referees this weekend and let them know what's happening!


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Exciting. All going well we are April too x


----------



## Diane71

Hiya

Anybody heard how Oliver is doing ?


----------



## MummyPhinie

Day 1 over and enjoyed it, quite a large group but all lovely, day 2 tomorrow looking forward to it which is a good sign, dh enjoyed it too. Bit tired tonight!


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi all hope you are having a good weekend.  Just thought I'd stop by and say hi!

We are just over half way through home study and feeling a lot more comfortable with SW now.  Referees have still not been seen yet but should be soon (fingers crossed!). How is everyone doing home study getting along?  Our homework is given to us in bits and have to do it as and when so basically I finish one, send it off feeling relieved I've done it then get another one sent! Feels never ending! 

Phinie I enjoyed Prep too, seems ages ago now.  Hope you have a good day today.

Jacks Girl I haven't bought anything as such other than some books for LO which were a bargain! It's so hard not to do it but I just can't resist! Probably after panel I will be a bit more free with the old credit card but until you know what you will be matched with you are limited.  Good for you though.  It's good that you are thinking about your finances too. It's a bit like nesting isn't it 

Diane71 how are you doing with Dry January? I'm doing ENC January 'eat no crap' January!

Hi thespouses and welcome.  How exciting going for number 2.  I will be interested in knowing how different doing it for the second time will be.

Somedaysoon and Tractorgirl I've had the same doubts but I think it's normal to have a little wobble, we are human afterall 

Mafergal have you started your homestudy yet?

Sorry if I've missed anyone out but hope you are all getting along well with the process at whatever stage you're at

Xx


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, hope all are well!

Hunibunni, it's great that you feel that way about your SW & that your HS is going well   Do you have a panel date? We start HS next Tue & have 6 sessions booked in to mid Feb. I'm not sure how many we will need. Hopefully next Tue we'll have a better idea & a panel date to work towards.

Hopefully we can join Adoptiondreams & thespouses  on April panel dates. Fingers crossed for us all! 

Phinie, hope you are still enjoying prep  

Diane, not long now until your prep starts!  

Jacks girl, any more thoughts on moving house?

Tractorgirl, Norway cruise sounds lovely! Has DH got his book done now? I hope your transition into stage 2 goes smooth.

Claudia, any news or answers yet? Hope you get out of limbo land soon.

Tinkerbell80, any news from the meeting & next stage?

Lorella, how was the registration evening? Interested to know what it was about.

Twinkletoes13, how are you getting on with the builders? 

Take care everyone x


----------



## Jacks girl

Hiya gang 

Fx spouses you get to panel in April for no. 2. Its good to have an experienced adopter amongst us - we can pick your brains 

Hunnibunni - your homestudy sounds like it has gone really great and is really positive. I know what you mean, I was reluctant really to start buying till we are further down the line but we are only going to buy stuff that we can get long usage out of. We are going for and SW has said under 12 months LO of either sex so we will buy unisex stuff. She has agreed to that because of the age of my DS who is 9. Yes I guess it is like nesting. 

Mafergal so happy you are finally starting woo hoo  you should get your panel date next week. If you have sessions up to mid Feb judging on our experience a March panel was mentioned so hopefully March or April for you guys fx  On subject of moving house we have decided on waiting till after we are approved to consider it dependng on matches in our local consortium coming up. SW wants to have us sorted with an LO by end of Summer if she gets her way lol so might look properly from Easter although have got us registered with both local authorities for housing as thought with adopting it doesn't hurt to have a back up plan as we are private renting 

Phinie glad to hear prep is going ok  

           to all you other lovely ladies..Diane, Tractorgirl, Claudia, Tink, Lorella, Twinkletoes, Adoption Dreams and Sarah xxxxx


----------



## babas

We have a home study planning session next week so hopefully it won't take too long before we're starting the home study!


----------



## Diane71

Hi everyone 

It's getting very busy again now the madness of Xmas and new year r behind for another 12 months hopefully by this Xmas most of us  will have lo home 😀😃..
I was wondering when the Sw start asking for references ?? Will I need to give them this during prep ? 
And when they ask for a work ref do they just send out a list of questions to my employer ? What stuff will the ask ?


----------



## MummyPhinie

Just a quikie as I am absolutely shattered, will reply individually in the week sometime. Day 2 over and had its ups and downs. Had 2 speakers that were fantastic, one adopter and one FC. Rest of it just seemed really negative and depressing. I know they have to do that side of things but coming from my background it felt too ott, causing a lot of debate on way back between me and dh! On plus side loved getting to know more couples, can see keeping in touch with some already. Day 3 next week, glad we have a pause!


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well not much to report, Thursday is our next training course (core concepts of attachment). Today we have sorted the shed, and spare room ready to decorate so next weekend we will start stripping the walls and then at the end of the month buy the paper to line and feature wall.
The end of the month is also the deadline for stage 1 complete which is not going to happen. So we might not make febs course. We are going to ask questions this week about why our DBS not been submitted and why she is delaying things. Time to grow a pair


----------



## Becky29forever

Hi,

Please can I join in too? We're at panel next month arrrrrrggghhhh!   How did that happen? We've been on what feels like a whirlwind since putting an expression of interest in at the end of September!

So weird after years and years of wanting to be a family that it seems we are finally in a process which has an (almost) guaranteed outcome! I am having to hold myself back from a proper blitz of mamas and papas until after next month. Part excited, part terrified. 

Tomorrow is HS number 5 (of 8 ) discussion of infertility issues. For the first time in 8 years I can put my hand on my heart and say I know that I have moved on. I guess most of us can relate to feeling upset or hurt at seeing a colleagues baby but for the first time last week when someone brought their LO into the office I didn't feel a thing! Not a twinge of sadness, not a slight envy. Nothing, just what a cutie. I can't tell you how nice that felt & how happy I am to know I am on the right journey for me. 

That being said, I hope tomorrow's session goes ok.  

Wow, 2014 is the year we'll all be mummies! How wonderful is that! Good luck everyone xxx


----------



## thespouses

Diane71 said:


> I was wondering when the Sw start asking for references ?? Will I need to give them this during prep ?
> And when they ask for a work ref do they just send out a list of questions to my employer ? What stuff will the ask ?


This varies between agencies and it may be different under the new system too. Some agencies ask for the references early on (and I believe that under the new system these are in the first part of the process? Unless that structure is only for 2nd time adopters?) but last time ours were near the end, because the SW wanted to ask the referees about things we'd talked about in HS.

For the employer, our agency says they will ask the employer something about what you are like as an employee - but for some agencies it may be a tick list or a simple confirmation that you work there and have no past issues. If you've worked with children or vulnerable adults they will contact past employers or voluntary work coordinators in this area - I do Brownies and was not sure who to put down as my reference for that and the VA we are with confirmed that they want someone who can talk about me as a volunteer - rather than a manager who can confirm I exist/that I volunteer/that there haven't been any complaints.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sorry to barge in. Our references went our as we started prep but it does vary. However with the new system being so quick there isn't much time to delay getting them.


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi Becky29forever glad you have joined us I hope you have a good visit today. Isn't great when you get the sudden realisation that you've moved on from fertility treatment  

Mafergal we are aiming for 27 March panel date.  At the moment we are on track for that date but references are yet to be visited so I am not building too many hopes up! I suppose you still don't get away from the disappointment of IVF so you don't expect anything until it happens if you know what I mean.

Babas so excited for you that you will be starting home study soon.  Another step closer to your LO  

Tinkerbell80 I hope you get some answers this week! It's so annoying when it is out of your hands.  You tell them girl! 

Phinie I know what you mean about the negative stuff, it's mentally draining isn't it!

Diane71 the details of my references were on our ROI form so once they received this they wrote to the referees with a questionnaire.  The work one was standard questions and for some reason wanted to check NI number.  I don't know what other questions they asked as I wasn't told apart from the NI number.  I've heard they get asked things like if you have ever had a warning and if you have ever been aggressive, but I am not sure so don't hold me to that.

I suppose I'd better go and get some food shopping and return before SW arrives for next session.  I wonder what we will be discussing today? Lol

Have a good day everyone.

Xx


----------



## Groovychick04

Hi all,

Hope its not too late to join.

We had our prep days early October, started checks in November, the LA has until 19th Jan to get all checks back. We had an email from our SW this week to arrange first visit, she asked for a whole day. She is a student in last year, leiaving in March 2014 so she's hoping to get us to panel by March. It's crazy, nothing has happened for few months, checks nearly all back. Wondered if anybody has had similar experience?


----------



## thespouses

We're doing two full days of HS, as it's really just an update. This is for a similar reason (so we can have the same SW as last time, she's too busy to do shorter separate appointments).  It's good to get it out of the way though I imagine it will be quite draining.


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## tinkerbell80

I got answers don't bother applying if you are oh so slightly overweight  Our Sw said they are not taking it any further because of my partners obesity. Would not listen to anything we had to say


----------



## thespouses

Is this from several agencies/LAs tinkerbell or just one? I'm a bit confused about why you've been on a prep course if they weren't going to suggest you apply at all?


----------



## tinkerbell80

We were halfway through stage 1 they advised that we do medicals early and continued with the first course, but there have been a catalogue of errors which could have been prevented if our SW was professional enough. Such as lost paperwork including our medicals so the delay was down to her poor admin skills. There have been other issues such as extreme negativity about my job, our home and underlying our weight. We went through a local authority.


----------



## babas

Have they asked that you loose weight? Surely they can put you through stage one and then you can look to reduce your weight during home study? Although if you're only a little overweight it seems a silly reason! What job do you do? And are issues they take with your house fixable? We've had a new kitchen, bathroom and major work done to our garden to please social services.


----------



## claudia6662

Hey all, just a quick update, DP'S DBS form has been sent so should reiceve it tomorrow or thursday. Plus SW is going to get welfare report, this is too exciting. On the other hand my two bosses at work have twigged what I am up to so i came clean and told them i am nearly halfway through the process and they couldn't be more happier which is a relief. They asked me lots of questions too . I had booked my holidays for the year and they turned round and said i probably wouldnt need them as i would be on adoption leave, which then i looked at my bosses and smiled, so very excited but trying to remain focus.


Hope it all works out Tinkerbell remain positive if you can.

Hi groovychick, my DBS form came back ages ago but DP'S havs taken forever.


----------



## babas

Glad your bosses were supportive Claudia! Mine have been as well which is lovely! How exciting!!


----------



## Caroline S

Hi girls!

Sorry for not posting for ages, but have been working loads over Christmas/New Year also had a bad cold, which I am finally getting over.  

Things have been quiet on the adoption front, so also I've been distancing myself from it a little.

Anyway, we have great news, my DBS check has come back today, so DH's should be in the next day or so.  Also this week we are doing the second course, so now I feel like we are moving on again.  I'm feeling so excited and am planning not to be workin g AT ALL this Christmas and New Year as I WILL hopefully be on adoption leave!

Good to hear others are moving along nicely, and sorry that some of you are having ups and downs.  I'm sure we will hit some more downs very soon.

For anyone interested on timescales for DBS, think we did ours in October, so literlly 3 months to come back.

Diane - we did our references at the start of stage 1, so straight away our friends and family were contacted, also our work places were too, along with our DD's nursery where DH had worked at previously.  We were not really made aware of who and when they were contacting people, obviously we had provided all the info they needed and they sent out the paperwork to who they wanted.  I hadn't really talked to work about it before, and so when I did pluck up the courage to speak to them, they had already done the reference, they were fine about it though.


----------



## tinkerbell80

babas said:


> Have they asked that you loose weight? Surely they can put you through stage one and then you can look to reduce your weight during home study? Although if you're only a little overweight it seems a silly reason! What job do you do? And are issues they take with your house fixable? We've had a new kitchen, bathroom and major work done to our garden to please social services.


There are no issues, it was clutter related to my job which she disliked, we got zero reccomendations for home safety check, she disliked us we think from the start, not even been given a chance to work on the weight thing. Or were we allowed to explain, have been doing some reading both our health conditions come under DDA and they are not allowed to actively discriminate about weight.

We also spoke to a VA who seemed very interested about us. Will also be complaining formally about our SW as we feel this could have been addressed earlier in stage 1


----------



## babas

Can you speak with a manager and ask for a better explanation?


----------



## DRocks

Tinkerbell don't give up, try another LA. If you read through my posts you will see we have has a horrible time of it due to my bmi of 55.
Myself and partner are both childminders and this hasn't been a issue.
Make so complaint, ask for a meeting. They can not rule you out on weight alone, if you don't have psychological reasons for being overweight and have a firm plan then this should not be seen as a negative.
Big hugs I know exactly how your feeling right now and it sucks x x x


----------



## Hunibunni

Tinkerbell80 I'm dismayed at what I've read. They have messed you around pure and simple I think you deserve a better explanation that what has been given. At least you are looking at a VA and not giving up. Don't let them stop your dream.  Hope you will keep us posted. Sending big hugs

Xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Awwww Tinkerbell you are the second online friend I have had to have these things happen to them  it makes me so sad and scared at the same time as my BMI is relatively high despite a healthy diet and exercise routine, also being an on the go SEN teacher. I am going to ask my SW about my weight/medical tomorrow as its really starting to worry me now that I have seen two friends go through the same thing. I agree with the others - don't give up! Apply to a VA. I think you should complain as from the sounds of things they have really messed you around  thinking of you hun, big    She asked me if we had, had our medicals last week, to which we said yes and now it makes me wonder if they have had them back yet? 

Caroline good to hear from you.

Disney rocks I remember your previous posts - how did you get around the weight issue? Any advice on this one would be greatly appreciated?

Claudia - awwww it helps when you have the support of your friends and colleagues at work xx

Welcome Groovy chick. 

Hey to the spouses, mafergal, hunnibunni, phinie, Diane, Twink and all the others.

xxxx


----------



## DRocks

I had to pinpoint why I gained weight, they won't except liftyle choice there has to be a reason you have addressed.
I committed to loosing 7lbs a month and I need to demonstrate I can comit to it for three months. It's not about what your bmi is, it's about actively addressing these issues. They can not turn you away due to weight only at panel.

Apparently the medical guys are very hot on this at the moment but demonstrating a plan and acceptance is the key.


----------



## claudia6662

I just cant understand why they are so up on BMI i thought they were making it easier for people to adopt, when I had my medical done i was worried about my weight and i am over weight partly due to the fact i had stopped smoking for IVF last feb and i dont drink either . My agency didnt even seem bothered that I was over weight .

Hi Jacks girl you should get your medicals really soon, I would talk to SW too if you had worries.

Makes me annoyed that all we want to do is to give a child a loving stable home and give them so much love and at the same time we are being put through such a  tough and gruelling process .


----------



## becs40

Tinkerbell so sorry to read of your delay, I sincerely hope it is just that - a delay. The BMI thing drives me utterly crazy, I had really hoped adoption for us would be an end to that argument but it appears not. We're just about to formally apply so behind everyone else here but have been scared by the recent garage of BMI excuses from agencies. I've been battling with mine for the past 5 years to get privately funded ivf and managed to lose 5 stone although the last stone I had to resort to fasting 5 days a week to get there and maintain that which is not healthy. I still have a BMI of 35 but can not lose anything more and just don't know if I can face another battle purely on BMI. 
I'm a size 16 and 5'7" and pretty fit but it counts for nothing because of what the stats say. The stats also say that if you have a bmi of 30-35 you "could" die 3 years earlier! It also says there are now 8% of deaths in Europe down to obesity and going overweight - this means there are 92% that aren't! I think some perspective is needed here. 
My husband and I eat really healthily, we rarely have takeaways. Never ever buy ready meals, we cook everything from scratch including bread, pasta etc so we know exactly what we're eating. We only have dessert in a Sunday or special occasion and yet none of this counts for anything because the graph shows them what they want to see.


----------



## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone,

Tinkerbell80 - I am so sorry that your LA have been so terrible. I agree with the things that everyone else has said about the BMI issue, I really don't understand why it's being made into such a big issue. If you're fit and healthy enough to run about after a LO, then surely the number of your BMI is irrelevant. It's also totally one-sided. I am in the underweight category, but not one thing has been said about that by the SW, GP, or medical advisor, yet to be underweight is as unhealthy as being overweight. I also think the whole BMI think is totally pointless. Far more comes into weight issues than your height and weight. People are naturally different sizes and shapes, therefore there is no 'ideal' for a specific height. My DH has an BMI that is too high, but he's also a man with a big build - he'd look emaciated if he lost sufficient to get into the 'normal' range. Maybe the SW's would like to explain to all the olympian athletes who they calculated were morbidly obese according to their BMI, that they're too unhealthy to be parents. Utterly ridiculous.  

Sorry, that turned into a bit of a rant.   Anyway, I really hope that the VA you have spoken to are better. We're with a VA and they've been fantastic so far, we couldn't be happier with our SW so I hope you get the same. 

Hello to everyone else - sorry I don't have time to do personals, the builders keep turning the power on and off so I had better get this posted before it goes off again! 

I hope everyone is getting along well - we're still living in a building site. No walls, no ceiling, and not much of a floor either. I am starting to get cabin fever living in the one room not torn apart.   Just one week to go.....


----------



## Arrows

No internet at home as moved house.  All a bit crazy but phonecall made and putting in application end of February.  Only stage 2 for us as 2nd timers so aiminv for panel july.


----------



## Mr &amp; Mrs Bubble

Hi all I dropped off the radar after our second deferment, but reading here it seems like LA's and VA's everywhere are sincerely letting down their adopters at the moment   So sad that a service that is meant to be focused on the LIFE of a child is so incompetent at knowing what is happening in their own offices let alone the real world.

We are writing a letter asking for an appeal but at this rate we feel increasingly forced to look away from adoption ... so sad when we would truly rather follow no other route
My love to all xxxx


----------



## thespouses

Posted off all the forms yesterday but still no word from the medical advisor. 

I tend to spend all day in the office thinking "oh surely someone from the agency will email before I go home" and then at about 4.30 I realise they haven't and there's no point in emailing now because they won't get it till the next day.


----------



## mamu

Hello   Am I right here? We found out today that we were accepted onto stage 1 with the prep course starting in less than two weeks. Approval probably wouldn't happen before late Summer, early Autumn, so not quite the right time frame but I'd love to join in somewhere


----------



## Diane71

Hi mamu 

Welcome I start prep a week 2 Moro it's for the last 2 Fridays this month 

Welcome xx


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well we had the meeting, there was no budging them on their decision we also felt there were other issues such as the social workers own hang ups. They were very shocked when I asked for a copy of the medical report and what their medical advisor wrote as it looks highly unprofessional. As there were remarks about my depression and Dp's weight. 
Still onwards and upwards,


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi all hope you are well and looking forward to the weekend! 

Thespouses - I hope you get your email soon nothing worse than waiting for news.

Welcome Mamu good luck with the Prep course you will enjoy it 

Diane71 your prep has come round quickly...are you excited?

Tinkerbell80 lets hope the medical reports gives you the answers you need 

Well some references are being seen this week so I feel things are starting to progress more. Just waiting for next lot of homework so we can make a start on it.

Have a good weekend

Xx


----------



## tinkerbell80

Hunibuni, it gave us all the answers as we also have the parts our GP wrote too as he came out to talk to us. He is in full support of us. We are not defeated since the original medical I have lost half a stone and it is by cutting out the crap and increasing my exercise, and dp is also decreasing his weight. It is soley the weight not anything else.


----------



## mamu

Thank you for welcoming me to your group!  

Diane71, is this a prep course for stage one or two? I thought for a moment we're literally at the same stage  

tinkerbell80, I am so sorry that this happened to you, and so late in the process. I really hope that there will be a solution for you! I'm finding this quite scary as I am struggling with my weight as well, especially after all the fertility treatment. And Christmas didn't help... 

Good luck with your references, Hunibunni. Do you think your referees will tell you all about it, after?  

We are still over the moon to be accepted but we are aware that we are at the very beginning of the process and there is no guarantee that we'll make it to panel and get approved. We don't even have the letter yet... When we were waiting for the LA's reply, a friend our ours said it's like waiting to do a pregnancy test. And when we got the call it felt a bit like getting a positive result  . And when you think about it, moving from stage one to stage two is a bit like a dating scan, it's even at roughly the same time


----------



## thespouses

Well I think all your vibes worked as the SW let us know that the medical advisor isn't doing any further investigations (at least, she thinks so) which sounds like the info from the GP was sufficient and she doesn't need to speak to hubby's consultant? I think? Fingers crossed anyway.

We got all the forms for family tree etc. etc. by email from the agency today so that's this weekend's homework. I'm going to make an appointment to see my boss when I get into work on Monday, knowing him it won't be till the week after but he needs to know a request for a reference is coming.

I'd like to start telling all and sundry but hubby is being a bit more cautious and says we need to have something more firm from the medical advisor. I do need to tell my boss though, and to be honest apart from a couple of other work people and very close family, approval panel will be soon enough to tell people.

mamu welcome, if you are first of your bunch you may find a new thread starts soon with your approval date?


----------



## DRocks

tinkerbell80 said:


> Hunibuni, it gave us all the answers as we also have the parts our GP wrote too as he came out to talk to us. He is in full support of us. We are not defeated since the original medical I have lost half a stone and it is by cutting out the crap and increasing my exercise, and dp is also decreasing his weight. It is soley the weight not anything else.


What's your BMI's Hun?


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all

I am still cross that they have treated you in the way they have done Tinkerbell. I asked my SW about our medicals. She said she hadn't seem them mind you she said she hasn't looked to see if they are in our file but didn't seem too phased. She said she was going to look into it and get back to me. Still no email today :/ which is either because she has been busy, they are still waiting for them or its not good news. Well that is my pessimistic mind working over time again. 

Obesity and weight seems to be the government's latest hot topic. It seems to be creeping its way into all sorts of areas particularly where the health service is involved. Although SW did agree that the BMI scales were done in the time of the arc!

I gave her some evidence of my fitness regime and we covered other related topics. I am sticking to three meals a day, no snacks and eating healthily, whilst making sure I do exercise for an hour every other day. But despite this I am dreading weight coming up as an issue and standing in the way of our dream. DH just hugged me the other day and said if we can't then we will go on a three week holiday and then plan our travelling for the next 10 years!
I guess he was saying it to make me feel better but both of us know that this is what we want more than anything. Sorry for the long ramble its been one of those emotionally draining days at work.

Welcome Mamu  The Spouses I know that one with emails only too well  Diane I bet you are excited  Hunnibunni bet you are too at your stage in the approval process  Twink I totally get the rant and I concur 

Well I am off to the gym for an hour of exercise in a bid to keep weight down and keep the keepers of the gate to our dreams happy lol. Have a good weekend ladies xxxx


----------



## flickJ

Hi Everyone,

Tinkerbell - I am so sorry for what you are going through. It really isn't fair the way people seem obsessed by  BMI  

After being turned down during our initial try at adoption last year (eight months into the process  ), I read some of the past posts from this forum and the one thing that struck me was the way that agencies like you lose weight or at least show evidence that you have a plan in place if you are over-weight. For me, I decided to join Slimming World to lose my weight, it worked quite well for me and I lost 5 1/2 stone

Jacks Girl - I couldn't help but chuckle at your hubby's reaction to anything standing in the way of your dream  

We have a similar philosophy. If anything should stop our progress this time, we have both decided what our "Plan B" is   (at the moment, the favourite is travelling to all those places we have always wanted to go)

Good luck with your fitness regime, I am sure it will all be worth it in the end   

Welcome to the group Mamu, congratulations on starting out on Stage One  

Goodluck with your plan for second time adoption Arrows and The Spouses, hope everything goes smoothly


----------



## babas

Well we had social worker out today and she booked in all our home study. She also went through hubbies medical which picked up an issue with his weight so we confirmed we are already taking action already he is eating proper meals, I'm making packed lunches, no takeaways and extra exercise etc. She was happy with our responses. So we're penciled for panel on 25 April 2014! 

She said panel are just looking to see your attitude towards healthly living, eating, acknowledging you have an issue and taking steps to prevent it. I hope that helps anyone else who has that issue.


----------



## Jacks girl

Flick your posts always cheer me up  thank you  I am starting the 5:2 diet next week. 5 days of sensible eating and 2 fast days of 500-600 cals. I am doing it with a friend at work so it should be easy to do. I am doing my fast days on days when I know there won't be any triggers - like exercising and getting hungry. If that fails I am back to Slimming World. I am going to start using food focus again to record my progress, as I can print this off for the SWs. It looks like we have the same Plan B. 

Babas - your post put my mind at rest. Great to hear your panel is April . Ours is supposed to be month before fx.
Exciting times lay ahead 

Thanks girls for the supportive posts    

Aching from the gym last night  but a good ache. Just got to figure out exercise over the weekend as going to Brum with SIL tomorrow for an appointment she has.

Sending you    lovely ladies xxxx


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well we did fun things today and had some photo's done, I am feeling a bit wary of getting my hopes up, I do think that I need to not get excited about the next one we try


----------



## thespouses

Can I just say to all those struggling to lose weight - do you know anyone with a toddler? Would they like you to take them for a long walk in a buggy every weekend?

Because with a combination of trying to cook healthily, using Weight Loss Resources, and pushing the toddler around, I've lost 2 stone since placement!

Right, time to fill in some forms while watching TV.


----------



## tinkerbell80

Buggy and toddler I do on a daily basis   somedays even a double buggy! I agree it is great for toning and shaping I am using the Wii a lot more. Poor Wii fit does not know what's hit it


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone   Wow so much activity on here since my last post! Here go my personal's so apologies if I miss anyone!

Jacks girl, lets hope your SW gets her way and you have a LO by summer. We have a little conundrum ourselves about wanting to get an extension built and doing our kitchen.  Ideally we want it done before a LO arrives. It is possible but depends how long planning takes.

Babas, how did the planning session go?

Diane how are things? Our SW asked for references about two weeks after stage 1 officially started.  As for work ref they sent out a check list type questionnaire to my employer, DW works in the teaching profession so her ref was in a different format asking direct questions.  They also sent a different request to HR asking for salary details etc.

Phinie, I think your prep has all finished now.  How did it all go?

Hi Becky29 and mamu, welcome to our group  

Hunibunni I hope all is well and you are still on track for your March panel date. Our SW did all our refs within a week so it can be done quickly  

Hi Groovychick, we had a similar issue waiting for checks.  Our DBS took 2 months though so it did delay us by a month.  We've had a good 2 months of feeling like nothing has moved forward but our home study starts this week so will find out our panel date soon.

Thespouses, that's great your agency and SW are letting you do all the HS over 2 days.  I know another couple who adopted 3 years ago and still have to got through the whole process again.  I think it's brilliant the way your agency are getting you through this time   

Claudia, it's great you employers have had such a lovely response. Hope you start to progress further very soon!

Caroline S, I thought our DBS took ages at 2 months! How did your second course go? We have ours at the end of the month  

Tinkerbell, sorry you have found yourself in this position. From your posts it does seem there was a clash of personalities in addition to any medical/weight issues.  I must say all the talk of weight and BMI on here lately has really made DW and I start to worry a bit.  Our GP told her yes she was overweight but in his opinion it did not affect her ability to parent and wasn't an issue. Does anyone know at what point weight does go from being fine to being an issue? Like twinkletoes mentioned with regards to her DH, if DW was my weight (we are similar height) she would look emaciated, she has a totally different build to me.  We are progressing to stage 2 and have our first HS meeting on Tue which we were excited about... now it's making us a bit worried/apprehensive


----------



## babas

Mafagirl try no to worry too much. Our session on Friday she just wanted to see we had acknowledged that weight issue needs to be dealt with, the impact on children and our future. No issues at all.

Session was great, got lots of information including finance information (I had no idea you get a payment on placement), safety info etc.

Dates for home study all pencilled in between now and March 21st and then panel she's going go book in for the end if April. She said we are really strong candidates and has no worries whatsoever. We got lovely feedback from prep and our references. We have a student doing some of our sessions as well.

All looking good!


----------



## mamu

It's funny how every agency is different. Ours still haven't even sent us our own confirmation (only a phone call to say that we were accepted) - yet our referees received their forms to fill in yesterday.


----------



## Caroline S

Hi girls.

It does make me cross with the weight loss thing.  So what if it knocks 3 years off your life, you could get knoocked down by a bus tomorrow.  It doesn't stop you from being a great parent/family. Especially when you hear all the things in the news with what are bad parents adn here is a group of people wanting to offer children a great home.  GGrrrrr!!!

Some colleagues of mine did the 5:2 diet and it did work for them, until Christmas, then the weight went back on.  I think it does show that you are trying to loose weight, and at least Christmas is now over!    Good luck to all those who are dieting!   

Mafergal - the course was good thanks.  We met some great couples froom our area which we hope to stay in touch with.  We also found out that we are changing SW - we did expect this to happen as she has about  6 couples at the same stage and she can't carry on with all of us, so on Thursday she is coming with the new SW for a handover visit.  So hopefully after that we can get home study booked in the diary. 

I feel so excited that so many of you know your panel dates already, hope we get to find out when ours will be soon.  I think its always nice to have a date to plan towards.


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## claudia6662

Hey everyone, hope all is well, still havent heard anything since last week and feel i am on tenderhooks, the suspense is driving me crackers, it really shouldnt be too long now can it?

Sounds like everyone is nice and busy, i think its strange how we are all at different levels but are all the similiar stage . 

So has everyone made it to stage two yet and how long did you have to wait until you got the confirmation to get from stage one to stage two x


----------



## Caroline S

Claudia - our SW got notification of our DBS checks being back last Tuesday and asked us if we were ready for stage 2, we said yes, so should have it this week formally in writting that we have moved onto stage 2.  In a way we are probably in between the two stages at the moment, but don't think we are being delayed in anyway.

So annoying when you are just waiting, think we were lucky in that our main waiting time happened over Christmas and New Year so it was a welcomed break from it all.


----------



## claudia6662

Hi Caroline, me and DP were meant to here on the 11 of december but they have had to wait to get all relevant information so i think they have it all now, its very annoying lol but this might be a good thing and that SW wants tp make sure everything is done rightx


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## tinkerbell80

Well Monday weigh in and 2.5lbs off  so it is off and will stay off, spoke to another LA and we also chased The VA up so we are staying positive.


----------



## Arrows

Had lots of catching up to do as no Internet at home at the minute. We have been told all is a go for us to start the process end of Feb and the only reason for the minor delay is that we're also doing up our new house. I'm getting very broody again, though I admit that I didn't expect it to be such a strong feeling given we already have wee man.

Thespouses, nice to see you in a similar position to us.

Tinkerbell, can I echo others with the comments from our SW - they just want to see a clear demonstration that you've lost some weight and are working to a steady exercise and healthy eating plan.
For us it was debt bur because we could demonstrate a change in spending habits, debt reduction and a payment plan they were happy for us to go ahead.
I can proudly say we're now debt-free.


----------



## Caroline S

Glad you are being postivie Tinkerbell! 

Arrows - I'm very broody at the moment too, think we will feel broody til our bodies are too old to have babies!


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## mafergal

Good morning everyone  

thanks babas, we had just ut any weight issues aside because of what the gp said & the fact that we do actually have a fairly healthy life style. We have our first hs today so I guess either way we will know if there is an issue or not. 

No panel date yet Claudia but hopefully will get one today. 

Caroline, glad your course went so well. We have met up with some couples from our prep and it has been lovely. All started at the same time & yet all at various stages. 1 couple have panel next month!

As for us, I saw my SW yesterday for my observation at the group where I volunteer. I was v nervous but didn't need to be. She was really good and sat by the activity I was doing & helped with the kids, not at all what I thought it would be like. Hope I did ok   I've now got a 3/4 day at work before heading home for home study 1. Really happy to be actively progressing after feeling like we've done nothing for 2 months or so.

Hope everyone else is well


----------



## emsiem

Hello all

I've not posted for ages since December in fact but I guess we ended up so busy and I can't post on the board at work   it's taken ages to sit down with the laptop. So we are heading towards the end of stage one all paperwork filled in and sent to agency, references completed, medicals done and sent off, my DBS is back still waiting on hubs  so frustrating ggrr
Anyway I am just going to have a little nervous moan on here about money, hubs has a big loan which we are paying off due to consolidation of debts and negative equity on his house with his ex (she walked away free of it all) it's almost half now to what it started as and obviously it's been highlighted by the agency now with all our workings out for the future with children we are still in credit each month by a good few hundred pounds and his loan finishes by sept next year does anyone think we will be turned down because of it ? SW said we might need some extra financial checks in stage two but she doesn't think it will be a problem I'm just really nervous about it all  

Reading back through the posts it seems we all have our worries....so hard isn't it xx


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## MummyPhinie

Hi everyone !

Thanks mafergal for remembering my prep was ending. Been reading everyone's posts and all the other threads and so much to catch up on.
Dh had his medical friday which went really well, we been following healthy eating plan and he got his weight below bmi 30, mine won't be that I don't think which is next week, but still lost Christmas weight and we got a while to panel to shift some more. Gp recommended him despite his medical condition which we chuffed about. Reading other posts about bmi it seems to be a hot topic!
Prep has been exhausting, spanning 2 weekends either side of working weeks and 
with late evenings at work and being on call I'm drained, looking forward to Saturday!
Day 3 was much more positive, had some awesome adopters come to talk to us. 
The best thing about it, is how close me and dh seem to be, we have really been discussing everything from all angles. Having both felt very despondent in the middle we seem to have been invigorated, and definitely feel sibling group is where we are heading! Also pressing on with homework, although our sw seems to have gone very quiet, not responding to emails and we haven't had anything posted out to us about stage 2 which we should be on! One major plus of prep is the people you meet, I was so super nervous on my first day, but we all signed up to exchanging emails and numbers, so that is being emailed out to us all and one couple we really bonded with. Even shared some bits about my own adoption, and prep was definitely like therapy for me looking at my past!

Sorry for not doing full personals it kinda hurts my brain remembering who has said what in their posts! Hope everyone is doing ok x


----------



## babas

Emsiem I can't see I will be huge problem. If you need more than a spare few hundred quid a month I would think we'd all be in trouble!


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## claudia6662

Hey Emsiem, have you tried ringing the DBS , how long have you been waiting for it?
Me and DP had been waiting for his since november and had only recieved it about 3/4 weeks ago. If you ring them up they will give you a tracking number and can track its progress. The last part of the process takes the longest, hope it arrives soon as I know too well about waiting !


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all
Emsiem fingers crossed you get DH DBS back soon. My hubbys took a little while too so I feel your frustration. Don't worry about the loan. Its my experience so far that if you have a plan of action and you stick to it - you're fine   
Phinie glad to hear you have enjoyed prep. We loved our course!
Mafergal am sure you were fab, was chuffed to see your medicals came back good  my GP passed me with flying colours -said I had an active lifestyle. My GP blames my weight gain on cortisol caused by my profession  but you know about that the side effects of my job 
Caroline lol I know what you mean - I had a dream the other night - a woman was giving birth to her 7th child - then it was me giving birth and it blinking hurt as you would expect - then I awoke - analyse that ladies lol 
Arrow congrats on being debt free - I got debt free a few years ago and its a great feeling - now I have managed to get some credit to improve my credit rating, that's the irony isn't it you have to get it to get one. Its   if you ask me these financial systems. 
Tink glad you are feeling positive again - go for it  fx the VA is the one 
Claudia fx you hear something soon hun 
Babas glad to hear its all positive and you are enjoying home study. Your post the other day cheered me up no end  so thank you 
Mamu I think despite all the legislation etc etc every agency is still very individual.
Well I must say my SW has been fab - another good sesh today and so supportive. Only one snag - hubby's GP has no record of his condition diagnosed by the Fertility Clinic (thanks Mr Consultant  ) so had to ring them today and ask them to update his GP. Now we have to go through all the faff of getting his medical records requested because if we don't get confirmation quick it could delay panel ggggrrrrrr. So after giving them a ticking off we have downloaded the form and done a covering letter. Best friend is witnessing form tonight. Hubby is signing it and its going in the post tonight at 10.30pm when he finishes work as we are taking no chances!
The woman in legal assures me they will prioritise it!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHH otherwise all is well and good. Bloody fertility clinics rant, rant, rave, rave and relax!
Enough of that     to everyone xxxxxx


----------



## emsiem

So upset it looks like they are going to defer us for possibly six months I'm so deflated and I don't know what to do. They are not happy with the size of the loan even though it will be finished by the end of next year. I'm really annoyed it's taken until now for them to even mention it when it's been in the forms since the beginning. Just waiting on their decision about it  

Sorry for being so selfish but I just don't have anywhere else to turn I am beyond upset


----------



## tinkerbell80

emisem they seem to be deferring a lot of people, we were deferred on our weight but it is not deterring us. Hope you get the answers you want


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## claudia6662

Ahhh Emsiem Im so so sorry to hear about it    giving you extra hugs you havent been sellfish at all , we are all here for you xxxxxxx


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## Hunibunni

Ensiem so sorry to hear you have been deferred sending big hugs to you   


That's what we are here for


Xx


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## flickJ

Emsiem,

So sorry to hear of your news    I am so upset for you, sending you      and as everyone has said ......... we are all here for you!!


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## katie c

tinkerbell80 said:


> emisem they seem to be deferring a lot of people


i noticed this  the cynical part of me wonders if this is to take the pressure off the quicker approval process?

 to anyone defered, i remember how it felt. i just keep telling myself it must have been for a reason, as we were supposed to not be approved until master c needed us...


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, good luck for your medical next week Phinie, fingers crossed! 

Jacks girl what a crazy dream! I've not had any yet, just the 1 where I decorated the bedroom in a dinosaur theme to then be told by a SW (no idea who she was) that all LOs are scared of them lol. Our HS was good, signed all the forms for stage 2 & got the official acceptance letter. We got our panel date for the end of Apr & she see's no issues. Without asking directly about DW's weight we did press about bmi causing people issues. She said our agency are always up front about it & basically echoed what others have said where if it is an issue it's about a plan to show you have taken steps to make a change & examined the reasons why etc. 
Hope your DH's consultant's error with medical records doesn't hold you up! There's well over a month to sort it out so I'm sure you will be fine.

Emsiem, so sorry you may be deferred. I know you must be feeling so deflated but don't give up, if you are it's a deferral & not a rejection. In our HS meeting we were told we had up to 6 months to defer ourselves in effect before starting stage 2 if we wanted a break. After 6 months you should be able to continue with stage 2.

Are you able to alter your financial plan to reduce your debt quicker to a level they would be happy with?

If you are deferred is there any way you can overpay on your loan, or save a little each month to make a final payment that bit quicker? I'm just thinking anything to show you are making efforts to reduce the debt even quicker & in turn maybe reduce the referral by a month or so? Just don't give up & keep in contact with your agency to stay in their minds. Let them know of any progress & find out if they are running any courses/info sessions (eg. infant first aid, attachment, coffee mornings etc.) & go to some of them. Take care x


----------



## Loopylou29

Try a different agency. It is absolutely ridiculous that they expect you to be debt free. My dh had large debts due to his previous marriage. It was gone over with a fine tooth comb by sw but they never said it was a problem as we could show that we were paying them and have a sizeable income to live on. We are still paying the debts now and we have adopted on 2 seperate occasions. We both have relatively well paid jobs but neither of us pay 40% tax and I am not full time.

Having said try a different agency 6 months will fly and it maybe by the time you have approached another agency and gone through the initial stages the 6 months would almost be up.
Good luck


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## thespouses

One of our references texted me to let me know her form had arrived - so that's good - I'll wait a couple of days and check the other two have arrived.


----------



## flickJ

Thespouses - that's excellent news, seems to be moving on nicely. I hope it carries on that way  

Jacks girl - you must be so frustrated  , I hope it all works out soon  

katie c  - It is an awful thing to have to think, but because of the number of people being deferred at the moment -  well, you have to wonder if it is due to the condensed timeline    It has always seemed a lot to ask of the poor SW's (I know that our SW was saying to us that the Government has asked them to speed the process up, but they losing some of their staff in job cuts  )

It's been an eventful week for us  

First of all, we got an e-mail on monday from our SW saying she was having medical tests and was going off sick indefinately   Our first concerns were for SW as we have grown quite fond of her, but she has completed our PAR and handed it over to her manager for a second opinion and has arranged for the senior SW (she was the one who did our initial visit and all stage one) to be with us at the panel  

Good luck to everyone


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

KatieC I agree 100% was just thinking that when I read your post. Great minds and all that. When they sped the process up I said the only solution I could see is that they made people wait longer to start because they still want the same information and haven't employed any more SW's so something has to give. Unfortunately it would seem deferring is the way some are coping


----------



## Jacks girl

Awwww no way Flick - hope it all goes ok though at panel hun am sure it will do. My SW is lovely too so know what you mean about building a relationship etc. I am sure it will be fine though hun and you will get your result that you want 

DIY Diva and Katie C I think your theories may be correct based on what I have seen down in my neck of the woods. I agree about trying a different agency Emsiem as knocked back and deflates as you feel another one might have criteria that meets what you have to offer now rather than being deferred. 

Mafergal thanks hun and glad to hear everything is going ok for you and DW with home study. Our SW said my GP thought I had a healthy lifestyle (my GP would love me to quit the day job she said the fat would melt away lol 
Yeah I know me and weird dreams are good friends thesedays. It would seem I have a colourful imagination when I sleep haha! It seems we are both having the adoption themed dreams thesedays lol! I sent off forms and emails today and yesterday so hopefully things are whizzing through the system. I am ringing the clinic again tomorrow to check the information has been sent off to hubby's GP. 

Hugs to everyone but most especially to Emsiem     xxxx


----------



## kiwigirllondon

Hi all. Its a bit lurking here as I was an active member of FF for years while going through IVF and its was an amazing support. After 7 cycles hubbie and I decided to stop and not try donor eggs. Anyway a few years later (4) having embraced living child free and lost all the ivf weight gain thankfully we are now at stage two for the adoption application process through a London LA with a panel date for April. Having de-registered my FF profile years ago as part of my acceptance of moving on here I am again  .  I just wanted to say hi and good luck to all.


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## tinkerbell80

katiec I think you are probably on the right track. My friends said this but it could be true.

I am in pain at the moment as I have someway hurt my wrist. But hypnotherapist focused on this and stress levels we will he finding out more from the new LA and VA hopefully so we can progress forward.


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## Diane71

Good evening everyone 

Hope everyone is doing ok and getting that wee but closer each day to bringing the lo home 😃😃

I'm not in much but I do browse through and try to keep it lol it's very hard 

S it's finally arrived we have prep 2 Moro well I think we got the invite through an email which we confirmed we could make but sw says we will get a letter as well, needless to say no letter and no reply from sw lol and she is taking the prep days so knowing our luck we will get there 2 Moro and be told to go home 

S my df says to me tonight how many children do u think we will get to meet 2 Moro pmsl 

And he is now stressing as worried bout speaking in public etc etc and also bout homework 

Can anyone give me any tips or advice as what to expect so I can calm him down 

I'm very excited and nervous as well 

😘😀
D x


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## Hunibunni

Diane71 you and df are probably having the same worries like we did before prep and it was totally fine. I hate talking in front of people too but tbh there are usually some strong characters in the room that like the sound of their own voice so you don't have to lol. The worst bit for me was introducing myself but after that it was fine. I liked the group activities better than the death by PowerPoint and enjoyed when adopters came in too. Honestly you will enjoy it. Bless df thinking he will meet the children...how sweet!


----------



## Hunibunni

Forgot to say hi to  kiwigirllondon. Hello and welcome back to FF xx


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## Treaco

Hi girls 

Diane good luck for tomorrow, don't fret about prep, we really enjoyed it.

Flick hope all goes well at panel.

Emsiem sorry about ur news, how do they expect everyone to be debt free that's just unrealistic.

Thescouses good news on references.

hope everyone else is moving on.

Our sw visited some of our references this week and they all said it went really well so looking good so far. She is back out to us next week and I've ordered 2 books from the library which should get soon. She said last week still looking at April/May panel so fingers crossed.

I think what ur saying about deferring people is right but we had it the other way about as we had to wait longer for our sw to be allocated as they were waiting on new ones starting due to the shortage.

Michelle x


----------



## mamu

We finally got all our forms to fill in and sent them off yesterday. Our GP is fantastic, he booked us in for our medical on Monday and Tuesday, which is even before our prep course.

We both also had the thought that SWs might look for reasons to be able to delay things. I don't really mind, I just wish there was a guarantee that in the end we definitely are going to be successful. After all these years of trying and failing to complete our family we just want a good outcome. It is weird, when TTC and even during FT our bodies decided whether we were going to be parents or not and now it will people.


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, welcome kiwigirl! Sounds like you are the same timeline as me for panel.

Diane I hope prep went well & your dh didn't find it too stressful  

Hi Flick, I would hate to change SW's at that stage for the same reasons you said but at least it's one you are familiar with, have worked with before and like. We have been so lucky so far with the same SW for initial visit, stage 1 and 2. Good luck with panel   

The spouses, sounds like things are moving along nicely for you.

Jacks girl,   at the thought of DW quitting her job. But like you she loves it, despite all the stress that comes with it. Hope you got the answers you wanted from the clinic and they do what's necessary to correct their error x

Treaco and Manu, hope things continue at a nice pace for you. 

Hunibunni, hope everything is on track for you and anyone else I may have missed.

Take care everyone x


----------



## babas

Maternal and kiwi girl you must be on the same time frame as us as we go to panel in April as well! 

Hope everyone is ticking along nicely? I'm finding the scrutiny hard at the moment.


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well still waiting, I am getting a bit fustrated about it and am wanting to get moving as quickly as possible DP is loosing weight and I have lost more weight and will still be loosing weight once I get rid of something.. 

Has anyone been on Nexplanon? I have been on this as a last ditch attempt at contraception and it has made me EVIL!! I will be having it out even if I have to remove it myself   Dp's sister is still really annoying me and I want to just scream at her get a sodding grip 

Oh well off to listen to the hypno CD and research other contraceptive options


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi Tink hope u get sorted soon. My normal hormones are bad enough so fair play to you for putting up with that lol. FX VA now is the lucky charm for you 

Babas I adore my SW but I agree it is a most intrusive process. 

Mafergal they better get their act together   lol or they will feel my wrath  hope you a DW are well 

Well my keys hid from me tonight so I didn't make it out the door on time for keep fit so might pour a cheeky vino. Don't drink much these days but don't think one can hurt. Might help me sleep. I love Sundays but hate the fact that Monday generally follows it lol. 

Hugs to all xxx


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## tinkerbell80

Jacks Girl, I am lovely when not on hormones, but they are very very reluctant to put me forward for sterilisation. I am only 33 so back to square one. 
I am hoping this VA get back to us soon


----------



## Lorella

Hi lovely ladies
Sorry not checked in for a few weeks. Lots to catch up on. 
Hope everyone's ok. 
Tinkerbell80 - sorry to hear your news. I really hope that things turn around. Good luck on losing the weight. I managed to loose some using myfitnesspal ap which I found really good    
Emsiem - big hugs. Sorry to hear about your deferment. Hope it all gets sorted out for you too.  
Mafergal - the registration support session was ok. It was literally just a PowerPoint talking through the process; informing us how many children in the county were up for adoption and chance to meet some other couples. Found it quite negative. I do hate how they really dwell on the problems that adopted children may have. Yes we need to know it but how about explaining that not all children that are up for adoption will have problems. 

We found out on Friday that providing refs and checks are all ok and we 'pass' our initial assessment meeting with the SW we can proceed to stage 2 as our set B forms are all ok. 

I wondered if anyone could help me with a bit of info...... On our feedback from self assessment forms they keep referring to the fact that I have had to deal with a lot of losses in my life and this will need to be discussed. I know 'loss' is important in the adoption process as adopted children go through loss but do you know why it might be seen as negative that I've suffered a lot of loss. 
Will it be better for me to be sad and upset when talking about loss or keep it all in and appear unphased by it? I am just not sure how to react for the best.......?!

Hi to all and good luck whatever stage you are at. Will try to log on more and do more personals next time!
xxx


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## mafergal

Morning everyone, hope you all had a nice weekend! I'm all flued up but making my way into work now for a really long shift. I'm off tomorrow though for another home study so it's not that bad & again on Thu for our day 4 course.

babas, our panel is end of April. Not really sure what (if anything) we will have to do in March/April as all our home study will be completed by the beginning of March.

Tink, hope you hear from the VA soon!

Jacks girl, apart from being fluey we are fine thanks. We have our 4th group/training day on Thu which I'm quite looking forward to, especially to catch up with everyone from prep and see how they are doing.

Lorella, I know what you mean about the negative vibe on these things. I understand why, I suppose it's better to expect/know the worst that could happen but it would be nice if they would lighten the mood. On our prep course we had an adopter there the whole way through. She adopted 5 (!) all siblings. It was good to have that experience anyway but for all the negative things we spoke about, she had experienced some and always had a positive.

As for loss, I wouldn't say they necessarily see it as a negative thing. But because it's something you have experienced a lot of it will be something they'll want to talk to you about; how it affected you, how you dealt with it, support you had, and how you can/will use your experiences to help a child etc. My advise would be to just be honest, don't try to second guess what they want. Everyone will have something that a SW wants to touch on in more depth, mine is my early childhood & dad relationship. Good luck with stage 2.

Have a good week everyone x


----------



## emsiem

Hello all

Just popped on to say a massive thank you for your kind messages.

We still have no news from the agency, we are waiting their decision about the money. I've come to terms with waiting 6 months if we have to I'd just like them to agree that if we can show we've saved a bit and have not missed any loan payments in that time we can carry on !! But obviously secretly hoping that we can carry on for stage 2 in Feb, it's this just hanging that's annoying.

Best go hubs has tea ready will catch up properly later xxx


----------



## DRocks

Can I please join you ladies on here? I was on the autumn/winter thread but we were deferred and now have a new date for end march


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi all hope you had a nice weekend  

I've been busy trying to get the car sorted as unfortunately someone liked kissing car bumpers and decided to take advantage of my car's rear end! Luckily no one was hurt but I have been suffering with aches and pains I suppose whiplash type injury and there is only a small amount of damage to my car so very lucky.  It's just so....inconvenient!!!  

Just finished my latest homework which is about the type of child we want.  OMG that has had to be the hardest one yet!!  Not to mention the questions weren't worded very well so you have to second guess what they mean but hopefully will be discussed in more detail at the next HS session next week.  

I had a little 'flash to bang' moment and thought...wow...this is really happening!  I am going to be a mummy, subject to approval of course   I'm even looking at things to buy.  Is anyone else doing that?  I have been busy buying the H&S stuff as SW said you don't want to worry about that when matched as you have enough to worry about!  So I've bought up til now:  Fire blanket, fire extinguisher and carbon monoxide alarm, plug socket covers, corner protectors, cupboard locks, a thing to put on top of doors to stop doors from slamming on LO's fingers (don't know what they are called), bath mat that also tells you if water is too hot (how cool is that!), window stickers for patio doors.  There is still lots of other stuff to get but at least I have made a start.  The hardest thing for me at  the moment is keeping away from looking at toys, push chairs, cots etc.  

Now I'm going to try some personals:

DisneyrocksH - Of course you can join us.  I'm glad things are starting to move for you again.  Is the new date for approval panel?  I'm end of March 

Emsiem - hope you hear from your agency soon  

Mafergal - Aww hope you are feeling better soon   your hs seems to be going at some pace now  what training are you doing?  We are being put forward for attachment training but this may be after we are placed but SW is putting our names forward as there are only two sessions a year for this.

Lorella - I would say with regard to loss is just be yourself and answer questions honestly.  I would think this may be covered in your individual session.  They have a good knack of getting your feelings out whether you want it or not.  I think if you have experienced loss then you will understand more of what the child is feeling with his/her loss too so it can only be a good thing.

Tinkerbell80 - Well done on your weightloss hun - hope you hear news soon.  I know it must be so frustrating but I can see your determination and I am sure the agency will see it too!  

Diane71 - How did you find Prep?  

Sorry if I have missed anyone.  But big hello!!

XX


----------



## DRocks

Yes it's for approval (hopefully  )
I'm so nervous about it but trying to be positive. It's so hard when we keep being sent profiles of little babies, it's like a carrot dangling in front of you.


----------



## Hunibunni

Disney omg you've been shown profiles already! That is dangling carrots isn't it. I'm sure they wouldn't do that if they weren't confident you'll get approved I would take comfort in that but I can understand why you're nervous. 

Xx


----------



## tinkerbell80

Thank you, had a courtesy call from the VA today to apologise for the delay she had been off sick she will look through the notes and call us in the next couple of days with booking a home visit.
I have sorted the contraception issue so I will be back to normal again. I am determined to loose weight and so is DP just exercise has gone down as I am unwell again. And everything just hurts


----------



## thespouses

Ok - feel a lot happier today. I met my boss and let him know what's happening, and he was mainly positive. He's not happy that I will be taking a day's annual leave for our HS at a busy time, as he'd rather I just made the time up, but that's just not realistic with a toddler, and he's not blocking it. He seemed broadly more positive than I'd feared.

And the medical advisor has finally signed off on our reports! Hooray! I feel very relieved.


----------



## Hunibunni

Just a quick one thought I'd share this...

Had a 1-2-1 with my manager today and she was asking me how the adoption process was going blah de blah and when I was asking her about what will happen with the selection process for jobs when I may be on adoption leave she looked at me confused...she didn't realise that adoption was the same as maternity and that I was entitled to adoption leave! What on earth did she think would happen? The mind boggles! I think she needs to read up on the policy!! So that has been my bug bear today!! 

Xx


----------



## claudia6662

Hello everyone, hope all is well. Recieved an email from SW today saying she still hasnt seen the welfare report yet and that she's really sorry its taking so long. I suppose now its feeling a little positiive now, she could of easily said no to me and DP ages ago , hopefully its not going to be long at all 

Hunnibunni- i agree i thought my managers would be like that too, but they were all supportive saying ill be entitled to adoption leave and not to worry and that ill probably wont need the holidays that i booked.

Thespouses- glad he was positive which is a good thing.

Hope everyone else is well and   for you all to stay positive xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Hi Everyone 

I've been a lurker on here for a while reading everyones stories and progressions, finally plucked up the guts to say Hi and see if I can join your thread  

DH and I started our process by being accepted onto stage 1 of the new process back in September last year, prep in October, 2 days then a 3rd a week later, then onto stage 2, we've have had our many home visits, referees done and SW has no more appts booked so am hoping she is writing up our PAR before she said she'll get in touch next.  We have a panel date, but have been made aware that theres a possibility it may change to a few weeks later due to workload but thats all good as long as we know…  just soooo excited and scared at the same time trying to contain all our (well mainly my) emotions and excitement without bursting, now reading up on others experiences Im getting more and more scared regards my weight    

She mentioned that my BMI is high but that they don't hold it against ppl and just that panel will want to see Im doing something to try and get some down, but I'm scared as it sounds as though others have been stopped in their tracks because of it, my weight is even more frustrating as I don't look nearly have as big as what I weigh, EVERYONE is shocked at my weight literally to the point of not believing me, it was the same when we had IVF, the clinic didn't weigh me until last minute.com and then were horrified that I needed to lose weight to qualify, good in some ways but I must be extremely heavy boned  

Anyway, hoping to join your progresses and be able to join in from now   
x


----------



## flickJ

Hi Waiting_Patiently, welcome to the thread  

I am at the same stage as you, just waiting to go to panel. I hope you manage to keep your panel date and everything goes smoothly for you   (These last few weeks so nerve-wracking, aren't they?)

Claudia - how infuriating   I do hope the report comes through soon, but as you say, at least SW is still in contact, and that must be a good thing   

Tinkerbell - I hope you get a home visit arranged soon, and a positive outcome. Stay strong   It has taken us two years to this point, and like you, we were knocked down but came back stronger 

Emsiem -    Stay positive and it will work out for you, one day ........   

Disney - good luck, hun, not too long now


----------



## Fi 1

Hi Everyone


Would it be ok to join your thread?   


We have been ttc for about 11 years but to no avail after 3 attempts at ivf,  so we started our Adoption journey in Sept '12 after having to wait for a while as I had not been on my medication for depression for long enough as I wouldn't be classed as stable enough until i'd been on them for a 12 month period,  thank god that wait was over Sept'13 and we started the process from scratch again!    we are now nearly at the end,  we have panel on 5th Feb and omg I am so nervous I think i'm gunna drive myself mad lol    


Has anyone had any profiles yet?  I didnt know if they try to go to panel with a match or wait until after approval panel and then have a seperate matching panel later?  my sw isnt very good with explaining what will happen next.


Thanks Fi


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## DRocks

Hi Fi

We have had seven profiles so far, but have made the decision to not see any more until approved, we are not going to attend any coffee morning either as it's horrid when your interested but can't move forward.

Waiting.... I really wouldn't be worried about your weight unless your bmi is over 45!
I'm like you in that people couldn't beleive my weight. It didn't become a problem until 10 days before panel.


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well no more news from my end, other than we think I have a hospital stay looming. Dp has lost weight, but we are working on BMI and seeing a different GP. 
We are off out tonight, and then I have the whole weekend off so I am seeing my gorgeous neices and nephews. 
Hope everyone has a good 'hump' day all downhill to the weekend


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Well that's another day done everyone, and hopefully all of us a day nearer to panel  

FlickJ  - Thanks for your     you're not wrong with the nerve-racking bit, Its all I can think of 24/7, dh is really good at containing it all whereas me I just want to know if its a yes or a no   not that it really should be a no after coming this far, a deferment should be the worst case scenario by now shouldn't it with something to work on if necessary? Have you had confirmation that your PAR is written up etc? we've not heard anything for a couple of weeks so Im hoping no news is good news but then don't we have to see it first and then it be submitted a few weeks before, in which case were running out of time to meet our date    

DisneyrocksH -    phew thats a relief to know, thankyou  so frustrating and so scary to think it might stop us at this stage, must have been even worse to find out 10 days before panel eeeek! I take it all is ok now then, when is panel for you?


----------



## DRocks

Well it's not really all ok in the sense we are stressed to the max  
But I'm doing the very best I can re diet and exercise . We have 8 more weeks to panel and in total I have to have lost 21lbs, my scales are showing a 10.5 lb loss so far but am so scared the doctors scale on Friday won't reflect that.

I also need the doctor to confirm I have no mental health issues regarding food, I'm confident this will be fine as I know that my doctor knows there isn't. Also have to have a fasting blood test, but these have been fine in the past.

My bmi was 55 but hopefully will be under 50 when we go back. I have a long weight loss journey ahead but just need to show continued commitment.
I could prattle on forever buteo t bore you will all my other gripes!


----------



## MummyPhinie

Just a quicky finally got my sw to get in touch we got a 2 hour visit tomorrow I think as part of HS, and to evaluate our prep course. And had medical today. Gp really happy, but bmi is over 30 but didn't think there was any major issue, past everything else with flying colours. Was a relief to get it done, what the medical officer says is a different matter!


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Wow DisneyrocksH sounds like your doing amazingly well on getting it down so really well done, Im sure you'll easily reach what you need to, if all else fails then do the juice diet for a couple of weeks, its amazing as a bump start to get it shifting!


----------



## becs40

Well done Disney that is a huge achievement. I hope the doctors scales are kind to you, it's always the most annoying bit when they're different to everywhere else's! The ivf clinic we went to had the correct scales but always measured me 3/4" shorter than anywhere I've ever been measured so of course that well and truly cocked up the BMI! 
I'm dreading the medical bit as my GP has recently gone off long term sick and none of the others at the surgery know my background and how hard it's been for me to lose 5 stone. I'm so scared they'll just see that I still need to lose just over 2 stone to get to a bmi of 30 which is totally un achievable. My weight has been static for 2 years now despite trying anything and everything, I managed to lose 4lbs that I had to for ivf by fasting 4 days a week for 2 months but that went back on as soon as I stopped fasting.
It's so frustrating that they can hide behind something that is so ridiculous. It doesn't show you how healthy a person is. I exercise regularly, eat lunch and dinner and no snacks, we never have ready meals or take aways and cook everything from scratch. I have friends who are "healthy" bmi that couldn't tell you one end of a vegetable from another, live on microwave meals and high fat take aways and do absolutely no exercise and snack all day on sweets and crisps and yet they are healthier? Really? 
I think as someone said in an earlier post it's just their way of coping with the new timescales, but hugely unfair!


----------



## Fi 1

Hi Ladies


Disneyrocks - you have seen quite a few profiles,  I wouldn't give up looking through profiles as I thought that if you do see a profile that interested you that the sw could bring the panel date forward and do the match and approval at the same time? unless your LA do it differently which wouldn't supprise me as they all seem to say different things!    I haven't seen any profiles yet! and were at panel next week!  is it unusual to not see any profiles before panel or not to have been told about any coffee mornings etc...... i swear my sw is so disorganised we had to put our panel date back 2 times before this one as she couldn't fit in our report in time to submit to panel grrrrrrrrrrr  think I may give her a call tomorrow and have a little chat about profiles etc.....      Congratulations on a massive weight loss hun, thats an amazing achievment,  I am sure the panel will not have a problem with your progress hun, I was told that  I am classed as obese but my sw said that my stomach to hip ratio was ok and that i've upped my excercise so as long as i'm showing that i'm trying to lose weight that panel should be fine with this,  so i'm sure you wont have a problem.


I honestly think that some sw just make things up to slow the process down or they just do it to test our patience and  endurance   


I was told that 97% of people going to panel get approved as sw's don't normally send you to panel unless they are pretty much certain that your going to get approved...... This is deffinately what I keep telling myself like every 5 minutes at the minute as this wait is seriously driving me crazy to the point I can't sleep at the minute, think I may need to start some relaxation teqniques lol


Sorry for the big post ladies   


Fi x


----------



## flickJ

Waiting_patiently - Yes, our PAR  has been written up, checked and has gone in (SW rang us on Monday)  and we met up with the manager, for what was a second opinion visit and he gave us the thumbs up  , and he also told us he sits on the panel  

SW has gone off sick, but another SW who knows us will go to panel with us, and we have been given yet another for matching  

Fi 1 - welcome aboard   and best of luck for next week, not long now ........    

Disney - We have also had seen a couple of profiles of actual children available now, as well as older profiles. It's strange because I have found the more I see and read, the more I can put what I have learned into practice and I know what I want and can deal with  

Obviously this is a personal choice to see profiles, and I know for some people it can be very hard


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Thanks FlickJ - I don't think were going to get our original panel date then as its 3 weeks tomorrow and she hasn't called yet to say its done, I may call her tomorrow, I was kind of waiting in hope that no news was good news as she would be hard at it but by the time we see it now etc it'll be too late won't it?

I hate the fact that we kind of feel scared to push and chase, our SW is lovely and made us more than comfortable don't get me wrong but I never feel like I can call without bothering her etc, probably just me being silly, and we've not had anything mentioned re profiles etc yet am reading that lots have before approval, sometimes its horrid to hear how they all work so differently  

Fi 1 -   wow panel next week you must be getting really excited with it all getting so real now eeeek! Like you I keep reading reassuring stories to remind myself we wouldn't be at this stage if they didn't think we'd get through, just soooo want to hear the 'big fat yes'!!!


----------



## Becky29forever

Hi All & welcome new people!

We're at panel 26/2 and due to meet our SW next week to go through the PAR. As I understand it there is some legal/procedural requirement as to the time frame for getting the report done before panel. Our SW said that ours had to be in for 10/2. 

We haven't seen any profiles yet and to be honest I think that's the best way. I feel like after being on this journey for so long this final bit is the hardest - no more HS and no more homeworks. Nothing to take my mind off the 27 days that lie ahead. I can't imagine how much more frustrated I'd feel looking at profiles now!  

I can't wait and yet the closer it gets swings me from being super excited to absolutely terrified! 

Our SW said those approaching panel are discussed at the family finding meetings so behind closed doors they are working their matching magic!!  

Good luck ladies. We'll all get there.


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Becky29forever… ooh reading yours then means maybe we have time for ours yet, I for some reason thought it was 3 weeks earlier, but theres time for her to contact us very soon to come and go over things, Im still doubtful, I think I would just rather know either way is it being delayed or not, you know? but at the same time I don't want to hear it being said   always the way eh!

Im sure you'll be absolutely fine and that the excited but scared feeling is the same for all, I can't stop dream shopping for nurseries etc, we've held off getting anything until we have a yay or nay!


----------



## Becky29forever

Hi waiting_patiently, 

Fingers crossed that you are on track still!   I'd definitely give her a call if I were you at least you will know for certain what's happening. I do think they forget how stressful waiting is when you've no clue what's happening! All could be on target, as you say, no news is good news. 

Yes the temptation to buy buy buy is killing the shopaholic that I am. I'm trying to comfort myself with the thought that I will be able to shop with a LO in mind soon... Be that pink or blue... Or two   

Exciting times ahead!


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Becky29forever said:


> Hi waiting_patiently,
> 
> Fingers crossed that you are on track still!  I'd definitely give her a call if I were you at least you will know for certain what's happening. I do think they forget how stressful waiting is when you've no clue what's happening! All could be on target, as you say, no news is good news.
> 
> Yes the temptation to buy buy buy is killing the shopaholic that I am. I'm trying to comfort myself with the thought that I will be able to shop with a LO in mind soon... Be that pink or blue... Or two
> 
> Exciting times ahead!
> 
> Crikey you sound just like me, I browse baby sites must be every night hee hee! Im sure dh will be terrified of the savings going boom when it happens, all be worth it though!! (think i did this quote thing wrong oops)


----------



## Fi 1

Thanks for the lovely welcomes ladies


The PAR has to be in 2 1/2 weeks before panel, we got our PAR 2 days before it had to go in, and we just e.mailed any comments back to our sw and then she e.mailed back any changes and then sent it in, so there is still time, but, i would deffinately get on the phone tomorrow and chase her/him.


I know its really bad but I couldn't help myself and I brought a cot bed eeekkkkkk as were looking at being approved for 0-2yrs ,  it may be tempting fate but to be honest I don't know how we will afford everything all in one go,  and not knowing when its all going to happen  is a nightmare as it could be a few weeks/months or even a year after panel that we finally see the profile of our LO , so i'm going on the few weeks/months i'm thinking its better to be prepared!   


I swear my emotions are all over the place, i'm excited and nervous all at the same time, I know you shouldn't wish your life away but I am deffinately wishing this week away ........ waiting patiently, becky29forever,  looks like were all around the same time only a few weeks apart,  how are you feeling?  ?  I think this is deffinately the hardest bit, waiting with no visits left and no contact just THE DATE!!!!  






Fi x


----------



## MummyPhinie

Hi everyone and welcome to new peeps!

Well our sw visit went really well, was a first HS session but as medicals weren't in we not officially on stage2 ( mine was done weds so we handed over the report). She was really gentle with us and did our financial assessment ( she loved dh forms!) and then our Eco map. I liked the questions she asked and how she really gave things a different spin. I also liked how she brought in what our family members and referees had said, and what she had said to them. Telling them how to support us through the process and the practical help we will need for intros  ( like doing cooking, hoovering, ironing etc!!!!!) 
But what was a bit scary is the talk about linking and profiles, we have said at the moment we would like a sibling group and feel we could manage up to 3. She said the assessment process is geared differently for siblings as there some very different issues etc, so next week she asked how we felt about seeing a profile  after discussion she not going to include photos, but she feels these could be a close match for us and as their time is coming up before considering splitting she wanted to show us and look thoroughly at issues and what we could realistically deal with!!! Think it freaked us both out especially dh! If they are a potential she isn't going to take it further than that until after panel. We should also get our stage 2 plan next week and a date for panel 
It really feels super real now, woke up this morning with my head going at 100 miles an hour!!!! We were worried about our medicals but hopefully there are no significant issues, we have been very open from the start. And we are very lucky that she asked at end of session how it had gone, did it feel too intrusive etc, and it really didn't. Just hoping everything else goes well as we seem to have been lucky in finding a gem of a sw!!!
When did it smack other people in the face that they were really doing this?


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Fi 1 said:


> Thanks for the lovely welcomes ladies
> 
> The PAR has to be in 2 1/2 weeks before panel, we got our PAR 2 days before it had to go in, and we just e.mailed any comments back to our sw and then she e.mailed back any changes and then sent it in, so there is still time, but, i would deffinately get on the phone tomorrow and chase her/him.
> 
> I know its really bad but I couldn't help myself and I brought a cot bed eeekkkkkk as were looking at being approved for 0-2yrs , it may be tempting fate but to be honest I don't know how we will afford everything all in one go, and not knowing when its all going to happen is a nightmare as it could be a few weeks/months or even a year after panel that we finally see the profile of our LO , so i'm going on the few weeks/months i'm thinking its better to be prepared!
> 
> I swear my emotions are all over the place, i'm excited and nervous all at the same time, I know you shouldn't wish your life away but I am deffinately wishing this week away ........ waiting patiently, becky29forever, looks like were all around the same time only a few weeks apart, how are you feeling?  ? I think this is deffinately the hardest bit, waiting with no visits left and no contact just THE DATE!!!!
> 
> Fi x


Hello sorry I've been MIA a few days. Welcome to the group you will find lots of support around here. Don't worry about buying a cot bed I've not been approved yet and have bought a 3 piece nursery furniture set!! Lol xx


----------



## Hunibunni

Oh I've just been doing the window shopping so I know what I like but soooo hard not to indulge. Yesterday I was looking at car seats but really I didn't have a clue what I was doing or what I would need I must have had a blank look on my face in the shop haha 

Happy Friday everyone! 

Xx


----------



## flickJ

Phinie - So pleased that your first HS session went well, and I hope you can officially start Stage 2 next week and get your panel date  

Becky29forever -   and good luck reading your PAR, and with the wait for panel  (It's so hard)

Waiting_patiently - Don't worry, there may still be time for your PAR to be signed off, but I would definately give SW a call to find out what's happening (at the very least, it will put your mind at ease)   

Fi 1 - You're right, it's so nerve-racking and strange, after having SW visits once a week for the last three months, to just have to wait knowing you can do nothing  

Good luck to all those at panel this month


----------



## DRocks

well I'm so bloody chuffed, I've been for my first month weigh in! Stuff the 7lbs they wanted me to loose as I actually have lost 15lbs. Stick that medical lady


----------



## EverHopefulmum

Fantastic news Disneyrocksh......in their face!!!


----------



## GoofyGirl

Wow Disneyrocks that's amazing!!! Well done! 

Just got our provisional panel date for June. Disappointed it's taken so long, we finished stage 1 in November, but also glad we have a date to work towards


----------



## DRocks

Hey goofygirl, how come so far away?
Do they not have panel dates very often?


----------



## flickJ

Yeah, Disney   , that's absolutely amazing - Well done

Goofygirl - sorry you have such a long wait for your panel date, but at least you have got it now and the time will fly


----------



## tinkerbell80

Hello, well we have had a call from the VA we are having a home visit on Monday! Just working our little socks off this weekend to make sure everything is sorted ready for us Monday.


----------



## AdoptionDreams

GoofyGirl said:


> Wow Disneyrocks that's amazing!!! Well done!
> 
> Just got our provisional panel date for June. Disappointed it's taken so long, we finished stage 1 in November, but also glad we have a date to work towards


That's fantastic news! Not long behind us in April x


----------



## Arrows

Disneyrocks that's incredible!!!!! Well done you!

We've just submitted the new DBS forms so on our way. We'll need to get medicals and references done but still on track for end of June Panel if all goes ahead as we aim.


----------



## thespouses

Apparently my DBS is in the post and hubby's is in the next to last stage.  Just need to check with one of our references who's a little further away if he fancies coming to stay the day our SW comes...


----------



## GoofyGirl

Thanks guys, Not sure why so long as they seem to hold them every month, lack of resources plus they take things slowly by the sounds of it. I was terrified that something was wrong but met our SW and the boss and they seemed really pleased with us. 
Yey not long after yours in April AdoptionDreams. Yours will be here before you know it 

Good luck with home visit tinkerbell 

Have a great weekend everyone


----------



## claudia6662

Hi everyone, and hope your all well. SW got in touch on Friday, seems she's been messed about abit trying to get this report, anyway they have found it and are sending it off next week to her which she then stated we will here from her then. It really shouldn't be long now, we should of had an answer on the 11th december and now we are in Feb,    need lots of this now lol.

Hi TheSpouses, im surprised your SW didnt suggest they would visit your references their selves, thats what mine said, my mum lives down south and said she would drive down to see her and that travelling to see references isnt a problem.

Well done Disneyrocks thats great news! xxx


----------



## Caroline S

Hi girls.

I don't know where the time goes, can't believe its been 2 weeks since my last post!

Jacks girl - your dream did make me laugh.  These last few nights I've been having adoption dreams, every programme we watch has an adoption stroy line in.  The other night we were watching the Ashley Banjo thing and someone was adopted, I said to DH I bet Casualty has an adoption storyline in this week....sure enough there was!  I seem to recall the same happening when we had IVF, IVF was EVERY WHERE!!   

emsiem - So sorry that you have been deferrred for 6 months, such a shame as I would have thought that the debt is nearly cleared so once the child has been placed with you the 2 things should come together nicely   

Katie and others who are experiencing cuts, we seem to be very lucky here in that my SW did have too many families to deal with so they have extra staff come in to take over, so we now have a new SW who is a student, but a mature lady who has loads of experience in safe guarding, etc. She seems lovely.  I had my first individual session with her this week and it all went well.

Welocome to all the newbies - kiwigirllondon - I used this site loads when having IVF it really is nice to have such a great support network here.

Tinkerbell - hope the hormones balance out soon for you!

Lorella - I think they see loss as being the same as life experience and if you can handle loss well, then you will have the strength to get through adoption and can have empathy towards the adopted child and family as to what they may be feeling.

We have had panel confimred now as 6th May which is great as its a few days before we go on holiday!  All our sessions are booked in the diary and our SW is planning on seeing our references and is going to do a session with the grandparents too, so all looking good! 

My SW has asked us to be open minded about having a boy rather than being set on a girl, we have talked to DD about having a sister so I asked her about a brother and explained that our SW is going to help find a brother or sister for her, so she has asked for an elephant!  Just a small one!


----------



## Diane71

Hi ladies

Sorry not been on much....

Everyone seems to be flying through not even sure if I'm on the right chat forum as we have only just done prep  

I'm not sure what happens now we will hand in our home work and hopefully get a date soon to start home start 

Do we go to panel to apply officially or does the sw just tell u that u have been accepted ??

Prep was good and my df is actually very good at writing the answers down in paper lol 

Can anyone let us know what good books we can get ??
A few of you had suggested a few books but I can't remember and I had a look back but can't find them 

Hope everyone is doing ok 
D x


----------



## tinkerbell80

Wow what a change in me, zero hormones and already a calmer person, I think it was all the hormones in my system now have a copper coil. 
I had a good long chat to Dp's sister and she felt just as bad as us about it as she did not want another baby just yet. 
Looking forward to tomorrow now have an incredibly good feeling, just wish I had the same about ofsted, but going to rebook this safeguarding course tomorrow as well. 
Good luck for everyone else this week


----------



## Treaco

Hi girls

Glad to see everyone seems to be moving in the right direction.

Tinkerbell glad things have settled for you and you can move on.

Diane you have to go to panel and you go in in front of the panel and they will prob ask you questions about things in your application.  Glad prep went well.

Caroline we spoke to our SW about the same thing as my son keeps saying he wants a sister and she was thinking we should go to panel with an open mind for boy or girl, but that changed again this week as she said she spoke to her team leader and they believe they have a strong enough case for us just to go for a girl so that's the way we are going again.

Claudia hope you get answers soon.

Thespouses our sw just phoned my fil who lives in portsmouth and had her meeting with him over the phone which she was happy to do.

Disneyrocks well done on your weight loss.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

We had sw out on Thursday and she brought some books and chapters for use to read and a book for us to read with DS which is good. When she was out she also showed us a dvd which was showing how bc in a family felt about ac, I would say it was good but didn't really tell us much as most of the kids were a bit older than our son.
DH asked her if there was much more that she had to do with us and she said there wasn't that much more, she is going to go and see my mum and my best friend this week and going to see ds school(although don't know why as she got a good reference from them) and next Monday 10th she is coming to take ds out for lunch as she feels she could speak to him better when he is on his own as he gets distracted when we're about.  Her team leader is coming out for the 2nd opinion visit on 21st February as well. Feel as if it's started to get real now and hopefully our April/May panel will be here soon.

Michelle xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Evening all hope everyones had a good weekend  

Disneyrocksh fab news on the weightloss well done you  

Thanks everyone for the info re PAR etc, however I called SW friday but she was at matching panels in the morning, she called me back after work and confirmed that we and all the couples on route for the 21st had now been moved to the 14th March for absolute definite as she wasn't going to be done in time, which surprisingly I'm ok with, I just wanted to know either way really as had half expected it, so now she's advised she'll be calling in 3 weeks to go over our PAR once its done and then it'll go forward, between now & then she'll be doing the visits to our referees and we're done... week still very exciting even though we've been delayed, its now less than 6 weeks so it'll fly by I'm sure, and we can enjoy seeing how all you others before us get on


----------



## Arrows

Our approval panel got moved lots of times and our paperwork was in just fine, they just had lots of matching panels to do and they take priority.
I'm sure it'll all go through fine once you get there!
I didn't hear back from the SWs about verifying documents last week though so gonna have to chase them tomorrow. We've now picked the main company to do our renovation so all go now.


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Yeh I can appreciate matching panels must come first, one day it will be our turns eh   

It is frustrating having to chase for standard answers etc isn't it but I can't imagine what it must be like with their workload etc, certainly wouldn't swap them for it!!!

Good luck with the renovation!


----------



## Becky29forever

Hi everyone! 

Fi 1 & Flick J, yes this is the trickiest part. I've got my PAR meeting on Wednesday. I am very interested to see what she has written about us!!! We have got to the stage where she is very "at home" with us & tells it like it is, which to be honest I really like. We'll see if I still think that after Wednesday!! 
Sorry that you will be waiting a little longer waiting_patiently, it's very very frustrating indeed! hopefully this time you have a definite date. 
Anyone been told anything about what questions panel asks? I'm expecting some around health but wonder if anyone else has any clues?
Have a great week everyone, and it's another week closer for us all


----------



## DRocks

We were in panel for well over an hour but that's not the norm I don't think.
Our questions we about my weight, about my adoption experience and meeting my birth family, our plans with our childminding business and how would we deal with bullying.


----------



## Fi 1

Becky29forever - we've got the sw coming on Tues to tell us about questions that she anticipates will be asked on Weds, omg I cant believe in 3 days we're going to know if we will be parents,  we are just    that its going to be a yes!!!!    Is your panel this week aswell??  i'll let you know Tues what our sw says about questions that panel could ask.


Waiting Patiently - Our panel got moved a few times too, but time just seems to fly and 6 weeks will be here before you know it    


Diane71 - The only book I have read is the baaf Adoption process book which litrally just tells you about the process and stages,  my sw advised that we look at any books that involve the PACE  method as they seem to like this method and are impressed if you know a bit about it,  I just read about it on the baaf site and learned about it on the APG,  I found that I got most information I wanted off the internet,  Hope this helps hun,  time will go quick for you now as after the APG it all kicks up a gear and everything seems to move forward alot quicker,  any questions hun feel free to ask.   


Hope everyone has had a lovely weekend    sending you all lots of        can you send some back please lol   




Fi. x


----------



## Macgyver

Diane71 said:


> Hi ladies
> 
> Do we go to panel to apply officially or does the sw just tell u that u have been accepted ??


Hi,

When to go to approval panel your sw is there as well as the members of the panel. Once they have spoken to you and your sw the head of chair will send you out and make the decision. Once they have reached that decision they will tell you there and then. It will then go to the final decision maker to confirm everything and you will get a letter about 10 days later.

I hope that helps x


----------



## Arrows

The questions they ask depend on your experiences and lifestyle. As we're Christian we got asked about what we'd do if an LO was gay ('don't care we'll love our child whatever sexuality they are!) and how DH would cope having to follow my lead as I had the most childcare experience (We were more concerned about him stepping up to share responsibility). 
For matching panel we were asked what if LO decided to follow a different religion, how would we explain background etc.

They generally tell SW about any concerns or questions they're likely to ask before the panel so you'll hopefully have gone through them with your SW beforehand. Usually based on the section of the PAR that says any areas of concern.


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, I see there are lots of new people on here since I last logged on.

Apologies for no personals. Sadly my grandad passed away and so understandably I've not been on here. Haven't yet told my SW so not sure what is going to happen, whether they will make us take a break or allow us to continue on track.

I hope everyone's journey is still on track x


----------



## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone,

Mafergirl - I am so sorry about your Grandad. I hope your SW lets you do what's best for you and your DW, whether that's carry on, or take a break.  

Hi to all the newbies! This gang just keeps getting bigger and bigger!

I have read through everything I have missed, but there's so much to catch up on so no personals. We've had no internet for an age because of the building work, but the house is less of a building site now so the internet is plugged back in again. 

We now have our second opinion visit booked and our panel date confirmed at the end of March so we now have a target date to work towards. SW was out last week and we went through some profiles and she said we're at the stage now that if we see any LO's we want more info on, we can start to make enquiries. It suddenly feels very real. 

I hope every one is doing well.


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well VA a no go too most likely their reasoning the weight, our age and length of time we had been together. 
Looks like LA or TTC which Dp won't even entertain the ttc
Feel so low as these are just excuses


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone,

Sorry I've not been on much - I've been so tired lately.  SW interviewed both sets of parents today (5 hours in total). It went really well and sounds like our parents learnt quite a bit about the adoption process. Our SW even called me to give us a little update after each visit. She is so good at her job, we're lucky to have her.

I have my 1:1 session next week and DH has his the following week. SW also want to interview my best friend so I need to arrange that ASAP too. I've found this process to be both enjoyable and exhausting at the same time. I just keep thinking about the end goal. All this will be worth it in the end when we bring our LO home forever.

9 weeks and counting until approval panel.

How are you all? Xx


----------



## AdoptionDreams

tinkerbell80 said:


> Well VA a no go too most likely their reasoning the weight, our age and length of time we had been together.
> Looks like LA or TTC which Dp won't even entertain the ttc
> Feel so low as these are just excuses


Sorry to hear that. How long have you been together? X


----------



## Becky29forever

Hi All,

Diane 71, I read lots of books but the ones that stick in my mind are What to a Expect when you're Adopting by Dr Ian Palmer & An Adoption Diary by Maria James both good & very easy to read & a happy ending!   I read a couple of short BAAF books too. The only thing to say is that the revised process is different so BAAF website or your local authorities may be more up to date. During home study I read one on building attachments but found that harder going.

I also read a book called No Matter What by Sally Donovan. It's very highly reviewed and very frank but to be totally honest I found it a bit depressing so personally I wouldn't suggest that as your first book on the topic. 

The spouses - my references are all over the UK as DH is from the south & we now live in the north. We introduced our SW to the wonders of Skype and after checking with her manager first, she interviewed a number of our references that way as otherwise she said she would've had to drive to Essex & she wasn't that keen! We just set up the computer & left her to it. Maybe worth a suggestion as it must speed things along?

Hope that helps x


----------



## tinkerbell80

We have been together 2 years, but we have been friends for over 20 years so we know each other inside out, it seems to be stupid excuses all the time. 

I am just so angry it is worse than loosing a baby to build your hopes then get them trashed....


----------



## AdoptionDreams

tinkerbell80 said:


> We have been together 2 years, but we have been friends for over 20 years so we know each other inside out, it seems to be stupid excuses all the time.
> 
> I am just so angry it is worse than loosing a baby to build your hopes then get them trashed....


That's odd as I thought as long as you had lived together for 2 years it would have been ok x


----------



## babas

Tinkerbelle we have been together 2 years and 8 months and are due to go to panel in April. I know the VA weren't keen as they said we weren't in a committed relationship despite being married and owning a house together. We had no issue with the LA though. I can't comment on BMI as mine is normal and hubby is only slightly over. Have you thought of another LA?

Becky our references are all having to travel to our house... its a pain. We suggested Skype but it was a big fat no!


----------



## tinkerbell80

Babas we are trying our county's LA, the other factors that I helped my sister out and it all got thrown in our faces by her and my ex husband and I refused to let them contact him as I dont want him to know where I live or our plans it was a violent relationship and best left well alone. 
It is all excuses because as she admitted the va only process people who they know they are going to pass. 
Feel so defeated at the moment. Oh well 1lb lost today.... More off next week as back on the Wii fit this week.


----------



## thespouses

Becky29forever said:


> I also read a book called No Matter What by Sally Donovan. It's very highly reviewed and very frank but to be totally honest I found it a bit depressing so personally I wouldn't suggest that as your first book on the topic.
> 
> The spouses - my references are all over the UK as DH is from the south & we now live in the north. We introduced our SW to the wonders of Skype and after checking with her manager first, she interviewed a number of our references that way as otherwise she said she would've had to drive to Essex & she wasn't that keen! We just set up the computer & left her to it. Maybe worth a suggestion as it must speed things along?
> 
> Hope that helps x


I really like No Matter What and that's despite our little boy not having those kind of difficulties. I think it's really worth reading - maybe not your first read but if you aren't sure you could cope with something like that it might help you!

Good idea about Skype, it's only one reference who isn't local to us (we aren't THAT close geographically to the VA but the SW is up here to see us a couple of times anyway so it shouldn't be hard to see our two local references then).


----------



## flickJ

Mafergal - I was so sorry to hear about your Grandad   

Tinkerbell - Stay strong, hun,   Our VA turned us down for some absolutely ridiculous reasons, but we sailed through with our LA (just hoping for a 'Yes' at panel) Keep up the good work on the weight loss  

Fi 1 -   tomorrow, how are you feeling?


----------



## Pretty_Peony

Hello All,
I have been reading and following this thread for some time now and thought that it might be nice to join in.
My husb and I are nearing the end of Stage 1 with our LA, who have been fab to date. All check and refs are back, all but my DBS that is, which seems to be frustratingly slow! We have our prep dates for Feb/March time and talk of panel July/Aug time, but obviously that's not a definite at the moment. 
I love reading all your great updates and that we are all more or less at similar stages xxx


----------



## Lorella

Hi ladies,
Lots to catch up on but will try! Hope everyone's ok. 
Mafergal, Hunnibunni and Caroline - thanks for the advice. Yes I think I will just be honest and be myself 😊 
Mafergal - really sorry to hear about your grandad   
Fi 1  -   Good luck. 
Adoption Dreams - glad the interviews went well and good luck with your 1:1 sessions 🍀
Pretty Peony - your timeline sounds very similar to mine. Good luck with stage 2. I am sure you will be there soon. 

AFM - DBS checks back all fine. Most of references sent in. Medicals done. So just waiting to have confirmation they've got everything they need and then will have meeting to see if ok to proceed to stage 2. 
Someone mentioned it feels awkward chasing them as don't want to feel like hassling them..... I feel like this too. I wrote out an email today but then had a change of heart and deleted it! Will wait a couple more weeks 😊
Good luck to everyone xxx


----------



## Fi 1

Hi Ladies 


Thanks for all the good lucks for tomorrow   , sorry I haven't done any personals as too tired to even think as so stressed about tomorrow, but fingers crossed everything will be fine,  had a meeting with our sw today about tomorrow and apparently if we mention the PACE method and how good the APG was that they will really like that so thats our plan tomorrow.  Will let you all know how it went as soon as were back.


Fi. x


----------



## Becky29forever

Good luck Fi  

Will keep everything crossed for you. Look forward to hearing how it went!

X


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi all and hello to all the newbies...wow there seems to be a few of you since I last checked 

Good luck for panel today Fi I'm sure it will be fine

Mafergal so sorry to hear your sad news...big hugs hun

Had another sw visit yesterday and it has to have been the hardest one yet all about the type of child we would be able to cope with etc.  My poor brain was frazzled after it.  Did anyone else think that session was the hardest? 

Sorry not more personals just on the train right now

Have a good day everyone 

Xx


----------



## Fi 1

Omg Omg we got a majority vote of YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS just gotta wait for the rubber stamp on Tues but sw doesn't think descision will change!!!!


Sooooooo Happy


Fi xxxxxx


----------



## Hunibunni

Woohoo!! Congratulations Fi I hope you are having big celebrations 

Xx


----------



## somedaysoon

Congrats, Fi! So exciting for you x


----------



## Lorella

Yay!!!  Excellent news Fi! So pleased for you xxx


----------



## thespouses

Congrats Fi! 
Well though my DBS is back no sign of hubby's.

We have a load of overseas paperwork to do so that is trickling in - sometimes it's the same thing but worded differently - it's just annoying to be honest - so we need a form for the VA from our employers, but we ALSO need a letter from them confirming our salary. Gah.


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Wahoooooo   Congratulations F1 sooooo exciting


----------



## flickJ

Over the moon for you Fi  

Excellent news, I hope you get the rubber stamp soon and you do not have to wait to long to be matched


----------



## Pretty_Peony

Congratulations Fi, what lovely lovely news!!! xxx


----------



## Pretty_Peony

Thank you Lorella, we are at quite similar points aren't we  

Hello and thank you to everyone else for the welcomes xx


----------



## Becky29forever

Congratulations Fi 1!!!!!!!!! That's brilliant news!!!! You must be over the moon.   Well done you!!!


----------



## mafergal

Thanks for the thoughts and wishes Twinkletoes, Flick, Lorella and Hunibunni.  It's still a bit raw but we have a HS on Fri with our SW and I'm going to tell her then.  Really don't want to do it over the phone or in an email.  Fingers crossed we are not made to hold.

Congrats on panel Fi!

Also congrats Lorella, you are almost at stage 2  

Not had that session yet hunibunni but it's the one I'm really not looking forward to.

 and welcome to the group P_P and anyone else I missed.

I forgot to add on my last post that we had our day 4 stage 2 training day at the end of Jan.  It was lovely seeing everyone from prep again and the day was really useful.  A big chunk was on panel and matching etc.

It's my birthday, for obvious reasons I did not want to celebrate but I decided a new car would cheer me up  Kind of my first adoption purchase (I think) as I've opted for a family friendly 5 door instead of a sporty coupé. Looking forward to picking it up 

As always, hope everyone is well x


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi Mafergal glad you're ok hun I totally agree with you that it would be best to tell your SW face to face so at least you can decide how to go forward.  It may just be delayed for a couple of weeks to give you a bit of time.

I also bought a new car at the weekend. We are classing it as downscaling from 2 cars to 1 as we don't really need 2 cars anymore. So that's my big purchase too (with family in mind of course)  

Also want to wish you Happy Birthday  

Xx


----------



## Lorella

Mafergal - know you won't feel much like celebrating but wanted to wish you    Enjoy your new car! X


----------



## DRocks

We also got a new car as wanted something reliable.


----------



## thespouses

We got a new car after placement because of car seat issues, the guy at the garage said it's SO common after having a new baby, and usually around the toddler stage if people's baby seat goes in OK but toddler seat doesn't!


----------



## Arrows

Can't recommend the maxi cosi axis enough. Brilliant carseat swivel to face the door so no bad back. Cost at £170 but worth every penny. Age 9mths- 4yrs.


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well am taking a week off all things adoption while I get my head around a few things. We are going to do the la for our county, I am confident that this time we will get somewhere. Dp is incredibly focused on this weight loss I offered him a cupcake and it was as though I had kicked his puppy but he has lost 8lbs in the last few weeks he is weighing in tonight so will see if it's up to the 10lb mark.
Hope everyone is ok see you at the end of next week.


----------



## mafergal

I was totally happy with my car but DW has been on at me since we started this process that I would need a 5 door so now she is happy. I went to sign some paperwork today & saw it on the forecourt. Just waiting for the number plate to be registered, tax & insurance etc. 

Thanks for the recommendation arrows, I'll take a look at that car seat. Really didn't have a clue where to start with them.

Well, had our home study today. Told our SW about my grandad... she was great & said it was up to us if we felt we needed a break or not. We spoke about the last week, how i felt about it all & I said I'd rather continue & she was happy with that. So just 4 more home studies to go & very much on track for our panel date in Apr  

Enjoy your week off Tink & good luck with the weight loss. I really hope things are on track for you too Disney!

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes hunibunni, Lorella & Disney! Very much appreciated  

Have a good weekend all x


----------



## babas

You're just a little ahead of us as we have 5 sessions left Mafagal!


----------



## Lorella

Tinkerbelle80 - have a good week and good luck with your weigh ins 😊
Mafergal - really pleased your SW visit went ok and you are all happy with carrying on 😊

One reference left to chase this weekend from sister in law!
Have a good weekend everyone xxx


----------



## Jacks girl

Hey all 

Mafergal ah it's a sign we are preparing lol I hope you are enjoying the new motor. Tink I hope you find a good agency soon hun keeping fingers, toes and everything crossed for you hun. Claudia was gutted to hear your news  it's so unfair. People are getting turned away for some daft reasons lately. Traversity when there are so many kids out there needing loving homes. Hi to babas, lorella, Twink, tractor girl, arrows, the spouses, Disney, Hunnibuni, Becky, pretty, congrats to Fi. Hi yo anyone else. Sorry if I have missed anyone out it's not intentional just so many of us posting now! 

I am posting from a cupboard attired as a giant bear helping a friend out at a baby and toddler class. It's good work experience for the old process lol. We are most the way through home study just a whole family sesh left and DS home work to go. Had a blip the other week or misunderstanding with our SW. All sorted now though! Back ok track hopefully! Still waiting for medical records to he sorted for DH to prove he has his syndrome. Also few last bits of paperwork to come in from our landlord. Think she has to visit references still so hoping she visits my best mate who am helping out today! DH has found process intrusive but has done so well with talking so if any newbies have a shy DH, DW, DP don't worry they come around to the talking part in the end haha! We have opted for a weeks break as I need to tie up loose ends for this half term at work. My DS had his interview last week and blew our SW away with his humour. 

Just hoping the next few months go ok and we get to panel ok in 6 weeks time eek! Xxx


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone,

Feeling a little anxious - I have my 1:1 session tomorrow with SW. Any advice welcome. I really don't know what to expect from it x


----------



## Diane71

Hey adoptions dreams 

Just wanted to wish u luck for 2 Moro, has ur husband had his 1 2 1 session ? 

I wonder what they expect u to do if both if u r in and it's say yr husbands 1 2 1 session, do they expect u to go out and just go and hide in a others room lol 

I would be listening at the door haha 
D x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Diane71 said:


> Hey adoptions dreams
> 
> Just wanted to wish u luck for 2 Moro, has ur husband had his 1 2 1 session ?
> 
> I wonder what they expect u to do if both if u r in and it's say yr husbands 1 2 1 session, do they expect u to go out and just go and hide in a others room lol
> 
> I would be listening at the door haha
> D x


No they don't want us to be in the house at the same time. DH will be at work and his 1:1 session is next Tuesday (when I'm at work) x


----------



## DRocks

All of our home visits were whilst we were at home working and the kids were napping.
When we had home visits the social worker drove us to the location and dropped us back to swap over, we were clearly not even allowed to talk to each other lol.

Thanks for all the diet well wishes, it's a struggle this week but I'm plodding on 
AF has not been since before Xmas and I think it's impending as I feel so bloated so I hope she appears soon 

Hope you have a good week, I love coming on every day and reading updates etc.

Tink I know it must be so frustrating but it's simply because your LO is not ready for you for a while, this is how I try to look at hard times to make it a bit easier.

Hugs to all x x x x


----------



## claudia6662

Hey all, well me and DP are feeling lots better and so much more positive now after having a long talk together. We are just seeing it as a bump in the road and are just going to take a week off or so just while we hear the reasons behind why we didn't get through. We are definatley going to do adoption again and do some inquires . I'm very glad I didnt send that email to the SW, i think it wouldnt of done any good, we just see it as their loss.

You are all fab on here and cant thank you guys enough already for the support. I also still love coming on here and hearing how you are all getting on.


----------



## babas

I've been here for hubbies individual sessions and him for mine. I was actually allowed to be in the room but decided to keep the dogs upstairs!


----------



## Lorella

Jacks Girl - funny image of you sitting in a cupboard dressed as a giant teddy! Hope you had fun. Glad to hear your DH came around. Gives me hope for mine!
Good luck for next few weeks 😊

Adoption Dreams - lots of luck for tomorrow 🍀

Claudia - glad feeling more positive. 

Well last of 6 references went in post today so will give it a few days and then email LA for update! 
Have a good week everyone xxx


----------



## Pretty_Peony

Evening all. Glad to hear that everyone is doing okay at the moment (am struggling to remember everyones names sorry  )

Claudia, am sorry to read your news but think that your positive attitude is fabulous!! A bump in the road is just what it is, and whilst very annoying, still completely possible to get over too! 

We're still waiting for my DBS! ARGH, it is driving me mad. It has been at Stage 4 since 23rd December, does anyone know if this is normal? I have called them once and all that they said was that the police have up to 60 days to process the Stage 4 aspect so to call back after that  

We met some friends for dinner on Friday, they have recently been approved and matched so it was lovely to hear all their news and updates, made it seem all the more real for us.

Have a lovely week all xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Pretty Peony, mine and DH dbs checks were with the police for 84 days!!! In the end I took someones advise and googled to find my local police commissioner which had a contact email address, I emailed with our full details, references etc, dob, address and said it was a last resort desperate plea for them to help, within ten minutes I had an email back to say so sorry they have a backlog but they had now been updated, 2 days later the certificates were on my doormat... worth a try  

Hi Everyone else, hard to keep up as theres sooo many with updates! 

Tinkerbell80 - sorry to hear your news, like others have said their loss and before you know it you'll be well on your way with another LA/VA, don't give up! 

Mafergal - so sorry to hear your sad news  , but so glad your SW appreciates that you can handle it yourself without needing to delay, make sure you take time to grieve though and Im sure he's up there watching you every step of the way   for you to get your result.

Adoptiondreams - good luck with your 121 tomorrow, dh was upstairs when I had mine and our SW was fine with that, we just spoke about my adoption etc in mine mainly, I can't remember much else   not much help I'm afraid!

Claudia - Stay strong, get back on that bus after a short break to reflect and keep going! You can do it, done let one la/va stop you in your journey!

Disney - At least once AF has been you'll get another good loss on the scales eh  , thats a bonus!

As for us we also got a new car in preparation, DH is practically crying himself to sleep at night over us getting rid of our 15mth old Audi TT that we had from new and getting a Focus...lol, and he doesn't even drive   - yet I haven't missed it at all, think its the excitement of the future though thats helped for sure. 

I seem to be obsessed at the moment with window shopping nursery furniture, prams, car seats... need I go on, jees I just want a yes or no so we can go for it....lol, Im going insane although Im sure Im not the only one of us doing it, I soooo wanted to buy a pushchair today that was a great deal but am proud of myself for refraining, yet again!!!

Anyway another week over and a new one starts tomorrow, 1 down, 5 to go... have a great week everyone and sorry I know I've not done many personals just the ones that stuck In my mind... I forget what I've read once I start typing  

ttfn xx


----------



## Pretty_Peony

Wow, thank you Waiting_Patiently!! That's a great help thank you, I will have a look now. Do they automatically go to your local police constabulary HQ do you know please? xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

I emailed the address for the police commissioner, who then emailed me (or his pa person did) to advise they had spoken to the DBS department within the police and it was being released, they also gave me the head of departments name / email etc to keep chasing if not updated, it took 48hrs to show online as updated, then on the 3rd day the certificates were with us, shocking and sad really how slow the process can be, fostering and adoption applications should be made mass priority I believe as it delays the SW's from doing there job within their new timescales, luckily our SW didn't wait for ours, but made it clear we would be 'off' if anything came back wrong, fortunately it didn't


----------



## Pretty_Peony

You're right, I think the new Stage 1 timings (8 weeks for our LA) are so hard for the SW-ers to meet when so many of the checks are out of their control in terms of how long they take to come back. It's just frustrating. My husband's was back really quickly, but he has had one before and someone mentioned to us that, that can make it quicker, whereas this is my first one. Thanks again for your help, I will email them in the morning xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Good luck, my husband had renewed his gun licence only the month before (which obv includes lots of thorough police checks) yet his took the same amount of time as mine... all sorted now though thankfully


----------



## Becky29forever

AdoptionDreams said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> Feeling a little anxious - I have my 1:1 session tomorrow with SW. Any advice welcome. I really don't know what to expect from it x


Hi Adoption Dreams, good luck for your 1-2-1. If memory serves me, my SW asked about my childhood, my relationships with my parents and sibling, my friends & my experiences with children generally. She also asked what my expectations were for the type of child they have to offer. She also asked about my relationship with DH.

I was very nervous but at the end of it, it hadn't been anywhere near as bad as i thought.

Hope all goes well x


----------



## MummyPhinie

I've got my 1:1 today too. Feeling a bit anxious but more because I want to discuss our last visit as me and dh have been discussing it a lot, thrown us a bit. My dad was dead lovely and dug out my old adoption files and photo albums for today's meeting, my childhood is quite complicated so she is coming earlier!


----------



## Arrows

Fingers crossed it all goes well Phinie. Don't panic too much -just trying to check out your individual history and check you're both in it together.


----------



## MummyPhinie

Phew well after 3 hours 45 minutes we are done!!! 

Delved in deep and asked some searching questions but in a really lovely way, can tell why they do these at this stage as you know each other so much better and that comfort is there. Being adopted myself there was a lot to cover she wrote 6 pages (front and back!). Ended on a down but she checked I was ok with it and how I felt as we talked about some very difficult stuff.  Managed to discuss how we felt after last visit and has seemed a lot more positive. 

Now for another cupcake and some trash tv!


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Glad to hear it went well Phinie35, seems theres a few of us adopted ourselves on this thread eh


----------



## babas

Well done Phinnie I have my one to one on thursday!


----------



## DRocks

Did anyone else who is adopted get the 3rd degree if they have not accessed their files?
It seems to have gone against us a bit.


----------



## Waiting_patiently

How do you mean not access our files Disney?


----------



## claudia6662

Thanks guys, this is what keeps my motivation going, my DP, my beautiful family and you guys on here, couldnt do it without you all. Defintatley on the road to adoption again, both mine and DP's attitudes are really strong and positivive.


Well done Phinie, it will be worth it in the end for sure   

Totally agree with you waiting-patiently people who are adopting should be given prioity  , once we had DP'S reference number we could just go online and keep track of it.

Pretty peony- keep   your dbs forms will come in no time at all


----------



## MummyPhinie

Disney I felt like I had the 3rd degree anyway! Can't comment as I have my files, although my sw said there was no pressure to read them as I never had, my mum went through details as I grew up, I did however read them over the weekend to help with dates and timescales and a bit more history on birth family. I don't feel If I hadn't accessed them it would have been any different, it's purely a personal decision. If I dint have any files I doubt I would have accessed them either as I really don't have much interest in my birth family etc.


----------



## Waiting_patiently

oh Im with you now, I only have one sheet of paper with details on, purely what my mum had already got ready to give me when I turned 18, but 10 yrs ago I traced by BM and family, now there just another family, my BM can never and will never be my 'mum' though, but my bs is the best thing ever as I only had brothers while growing up, always wanted a bs


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone, 

I survived my 1:1 session, it went very well. I'm feeling drained and exhausted so heading to bed. I will catch up properly tomorrow. X


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Glad it went well adoption dreams, all HS visits are mentally and emotionally draining and tiring aren't they, worth it though!


----------



## Arrows

Hiya everyone. Glad to hear all the visits are going so well.
We've now had our DBS done and really happy because our old SW has said she'll do our assessment which I was really wanting. I feel pretty relaxed around her and feel like I can be honest and not be judged badly for it. She also saw DS when he came home and 4mths later for his LAC visit. We also had her and LO's SW come to his adoption day celebration in July last year so she'll be able to report how well he's doing and see the impact of his parenting. (definitely made lots of mistakes but he's a pretty amazing little boy and has progressed really well so hopefully we're doing something right!).
I spoke at a prep course recently about our experiences as adopters -both positive and negative and seemed to go well. Really hoping I can get in touch with some of them as we'll likely have a LO placed at the same time.


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Hi All, hows everyone doing?, no update here all quiet whilst counting the days down,


----------



## claudia6662

Hey all, well i rang the manager and left a message on his answer phone, then i rang in the afternoon and left a message with the reciptionist , i feel like we are just being tangled on a string. We have never felt so fustrated with this now, we just want answers and to move on. Plus the local paper came today,  it was saying  "the government are giving our local council about £1.2m for more adoptions and to them to speed up the process. " There are 77 children in the district waiting to be adopted by loving families". 
Well this just baffles me


----------



## Waiting_patiently

So sorry Claudia6662 so frustrating when all your asking for is answers so you can move on, like you say its then a joke to read things like that when people / couples are being messed around or not being entertained for any reason.. grrr hope you get something to work on soon x


----------



## weemoofrazz

We got an approval panel date yesterday around easter time in April and would you believe it it's the very day we fly out on holiday! We told our SW about this holiday which has been booked for nearly a year now before Xmas and they said it wouldn't be a concern as we would be at panel before then! Sods law I say. 

Apparently the panel in our LA only sits once every three weeks so the second week in May is what we are now being told! It's very frustrating when everything is done and completed and yet we have to wait 3 more months! We waited 6 months for a social worker to even start our HS! 

SW did mention a panel at end of March but doesn't think we will get in on that day


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone.

Glad the 1-2-1's went well for everyone who has had them recently. Mine isn't until the end of the month but strangely I'm not worried... not really sure what more we could cover than we haven't already.

Claudia, I really hope someone returns your calls and you get some answers.  I can't imagine how infuriating this has been for you.

Weemoofrazz how infuriating for you! Can't they fit you on the March panel instead? Especially if everything is done and really this is an error/oversight on their part.

As for us, not much to tell/progress. No HS this week, good job really as we have both been suffering (DW more so) this week with a flue bug. Hopefully we will be ok for HS next week.

Hopeyou are all well x


----------



## flickJ

Mafergal -sorry to hear that you and dw are under the weather,  a lot of colds and flu going around 

Claudia - I hope you get some answers soon  

Well, as of 11:00 today, we became approved adopters - it was unanimous, and now the waiting begins.


----------



## tinkerbell80

Congratulations FlickJ you are a mummy in waiting!! 

No real news from my end Dp has lost another 5kg so will be bmi checking later. I am not well and not sure what is wrong but will be fine. 
Our meeting with LA is next week so hoping that goes ok. Off I go to lurk again have a good week x


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Yay congrats Flickj how exciting, I can't wait to be in your position! Hope your wait isn't too long for your lo to come along xx


----------



## Hunibunni

Yay Flickj x brilliant news!!    
Hope you are doing some celebrating tonight 

Xx


----------



## Arrows

Congrats Flickj!


----------



## claudia6662

Sorry guys , with all my little rants, just want to say concrats Flick     whoop whoop

Hang in there Tinkerbell and well done to DP as well, keep positive


----------



## Lorella

We'll done Phinie and adoptiondreams on your 1:1s 

Arrows - that's great news about your SW 

Claudia - hope you get some answers soon  

Weemoofrazz - how frustrating. I really hope they fit you in in March 

Mafergal - hope you feel better soon

Flick - whoo hoo! Congrats on your news. That's so exciting   

Hi to all and hope everyone's ok xxx


----------



## mafergal

Thanks Flick & Lorella! I'm much better than DW who is banished to the spare room at the moment  

MASSIVE CONGRATULATIONS FLICK! So pleased for you   x


----------



## flickJ

Thanks to everyone  

It's been quite a journey, but I couldn't have done it without all the support


----------



## Petite One

Hello can I join here please? Going onto stage 2 but I think we'll be later than the summer. I have read lots of peoples posts on here which has been very insightful.

Does anyone know how they go through the Par form? We've already completed some of the info they wanted in stage 1. Am nervous!


----------



## babas

So half way through home study today and have been told that our panel may be delayed because information from my cardiologist hasn't come through.


----------



## claudia6662

Hey guys , just a little update, well the manager rang DP today and the reason they didnt put us through was because of the previous history with his ex which we sort of knew about. Dp told him it feels like they have judged him on his past with his ex and not me and him as a couple. The manager was shocked to know that i work with children , which really he should of known. Anyway hes ringing me next week. It feels like i have to beg but not only that but plead and put mine and DP's case forward and make him see that the ex has nothing to do with us. And hopefully change their descion.

The manager has also offered us an appointment  meeting in march to see him and SW . Feeling slightly positive but will be glad when we know the full situation.


----------



## weemoofrazz

Babas - I hope your info arrives in time not to delay panel, nothing worse than being told your going to have delays when your still in the throws of HS! 

Clauia - Hopefully your adoption agency hear your case and that you can proceed, best of luck and I hope you find out soon. 

Our SW had a visit tonight again and panel is definitely going to be May, should be the 8th! So it seems we have a a few months to enjoy together and get our loft conversion completely finished and enjoy our holiday at Easter! I am trying to look on the bright side and hopefully we can stand the wait! 

Best wishes to all who are due to go to panel soon!


----------



## babas

I wouldn't mind the wait its just the medical is the one thing that could terminate our application so it's now been hanging over my head since August. It's absolute agony.


----------



## Becky29forever

Just wanted to say Congratulations to FlickJ!! Brilliant news! Well done you! 
Can't wait to hear how you get on from now


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi guys just a quick update from me. Had my last home study session yesterday!! So now it's the waiting game to see PAR then approval panel on 26th March starting to feel real now 

Xx


----------



## claudia6662

Ladies i have everything crossed for you all that you are all successful , a very exciting time for you all xxxx


----------



## kimmieb

We met out SW last Friday and have agreed on HS every Friday afternoon for the next 6 weeks (although not next week as we are away) 

She thankfully is lovely! Just the kind of person I wanted as our SW - friendly, young (but not too young that you think she is inexperienced) and loves our dog! 

She has said that we should be in June panel!!! 

DH had a sudden realisation that this is actually happening and he is going to be a dad! It was the kind of reaction I'm sure most blokes get when they see the positive pregnancy test, although they have convinced themselves they are going to be a dad until it is actually happening they dont really deal with it! haha! Was a funny realisation look on his face for a couple of days! He is of course excited about it though


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi KimmieB I know that look. That look was my DH when we started prep course and another funny look is when you start window shopping and they realise how much we have to buy!  

Xx


----------



## do dreams come true

hi everyone 
been lurking about on here for a while, although i have posted once or twice before.
Hope you don't mind me joining you  

We are halfway through home study and have a provisional panel date 10th April.
We are really nervous for tomorrow as our sw is observing us with our nephew and his mother is being really awkward with us. She says she is happy for sw to see us with him and she she is there which is fair enough, but says its to cold for us to take him to the park. He is 8 years old, so we mentioned about us all going to a fun play area. Which she replies yeah but it will cost you £6.50 to pay him in and 50p for us each.
We have always paid for him to go places when we take him out and she has never offered to give us any money(we wouldn't of taken it as we love having him and don't mind) but thats not the point she could offer.
Anyway we've now arranged to meet sw at her house and take things from there.

hope everything is going well for everyone


----------



## Jacks girl

Hallo all

Gosh time to go through and say hallo to you all - there are load of us on here now  

DDCT - welcome and good luck with your home study. Good luck with your observation and hope all goes well. We had our family session this morning with my DS and it seemed to go good. 

KimmieB glad you like your SW - ours is really easy going too and exactly what we needed/wanted. 

Flick I think I popped on before to say a huge congratulations but here is it again - huge congrats!    

Hunnibunni can I join you in the waiting game please? We had our last sesh today - SW has just got to visit references and the medical report that was on hold till DH info came from fertility clinic has come through so we will either now go to panel at end of March or April depending on tying up the loose ends. Won't find out about panel until next week or possibly week after. But she said she is happy with the assessment and thinks she has everything she needs    

Claudia  - I really am keeping everything crossed      for you that you get sorted and get underway soon hun   

Babas    the info comes through soon from your cardiologist - we can empathise as we have had to prove DH is completely infertile due to his Syndrome which has meant a battle with fertility clinic and records office at hospital as the info was on my notes but not his at the GPs - this may hold us back from our initial panel date grrr    so I know how frustrated you must feel hun   

Petite One hi to you  . Due to site guidelines no one can post the ins and outs really of home study on here but I can highly recommend a number of the books in the resource area to give you more of an idea  and there are a number of excellent adoption blogs to subscribe to like Mummy in the Baking, The One Hand man and The Family of Five who are now proud parents of LOs. Their amazing blogs have helped us through stage 2. 

Tink - how are things with you hun? Hope your meeting went well and congrats to you and DH on weight loss 

Weemoofrazz - we along with Hunnibunni need to keep each other sane lol! 

Mafergal   to you and DW - hope you are feeling more chipper soon - lack of frosts is what I say is responsible for these cold and flu bugs doing the rounds again. 

Waiting patiently fx your wait isn't too long a one 

Well now we can see the end of adoption assessment in sight it is starting to feel more real and our SW is determined to get us through and get us the right placement asap as she is very proactive. I am praying we get to March panel so the wait isn't too long a one. It all now hinges on other people playing their part!

Homestudy has been a toughie at times - focusing on how we parent DS as much as what it will be like to parent a new DD as that's what we have expressed a preference for; battling with NHS records and clinics to get them to give us the right info for the advisor; making medical appointments; doing the homework; the sessions themselves; pouring our hearts out but hopefully fx its all worth it. Now the waiting begins. Luckily with my job I can throw myself into that as can DH with his and we have my DS birthday soon and my brother 's birthday to look forward too! Hubby said at lunch that he wants to do as much at weekends and in the evenings as poss so that the time passes quickly. He has even suggested we look into holidays to see if we can sneak one in after approval panel. 

However, I am totally open to suggestions/recommendations for any cool ideas to pass the time  so any ideas folks?

If I have missed anyone out its not intentional and a huge, hearty hallo to you too 

xxxx


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well the meeting was amazing. The social worker actually had a sense of humour, accepted our weights and said as long as you have a long term plan then fantastic! I after another spell in hospital know what is wrong and I am awaiting some scans and tests but I have Choleocystitis which is inflammation of the gall bladder and have a stone sat on the ducts but an op to remove will be scheduled asap. More weight is being lost 5.5lbs this week so that was the 3.5 I gained and 2 more lost. Dp is storming the weight loss and has lost a stone! 
ROI was given too yesterday and as soon as it comes back we are on stage 1 
Hope everyone else is ok xx


----------



## Hunibunni

That's great news Tinkerbell80.  Onwards and upwards  

Xx


----------



## Hunibunni

Jacks Girl I'm dying to see the report now wondering what sw has written about us.  
I think this waiting game is something we all have to get used to isn't it.  I'm having a shopping day on Saturday so will be looking for ideas for my panel outfit that should keep me busy !

Hope everyone is doing ok 

Xx


----------



## Arrows

Tinkerbell, I don't care how mumsie this sounds - I'm so proud and impressed with the commitment and determination you've shown not to give in at the first hurdle and pursue your dreams!


----------



## claudia6662

Hey all, well had the phone call from SW'S manager, they still seem set on BF's past and arent willing to lay this to rest no matter what i said , even though I got upset   i tried to explain to him that what happened with bf and his partner happened over 25 years ago and that you havent even considered us as a couple. He seemed to make up other excuses as well and said we could still go to this meeting even though they are going to stick by their answer.
In my mind if your over weight, had depression, had a previous history with domestic violence or havent got a large enough support network then you can think again about adoption, plus he mentioned that there had been others that had been turned down as well recently.

He said another reason was our support network wasnt big enough and i stated that are network maybe limited but you will never meet a more stronger close netted family. 

I tried and failed but will not stop til we are a family. Will be ringing around some agencies next week just to get some advise and just to see what they say.

Wish everyone luck in their journeys too and sorry again for the rant.


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Hi Everyone... big Hi to Newbies  

Wow lots of people just finishing HS and either awaiting panel date already or waiting on a date, good luck to all, this waiting is the worst!

Tinkerbell80 fab news, fab weight loss for both of you, wishing all the best with your new start, you'll get there, hopefully we all will in the end!

Claudia6662 so sorry to read your catch up, how on earth we can be penalised etc for things in far far younger days is beyond me, everyone changes and progresses and some situations can be taken out of our control, but it doesn't mean they shouldn't be give the chance to prove a change has been made, hope you manage to get help elsewhere to continue you journey  

Hunnibunni we had a shopping weekend last week and even bought all our nursery furniture and neutral bedding   jees I hope we get to use it, its all secured with a deposit and can be cancelled at any time dependant on panel answer, you've made me think now I need to be looking for a suitable attire too!!

Jacks girl glad you've reached the end now and joined the waiting... and waiting... and waiting   no ideas to help pass it, when you find any send them my way too please...

So for us were awaiting the call to say PAR is done and she's coming to see us but its not yet come   When we spoke nearly 3 weeks ago she did say we would not hear from her for 3 weeks while she wrote it all up and that panel date would defo not change but as the 3 weeks is nearing and refs still haven't had their call for her to visit I'm feeling deflated that its going to be delayed again, desperately holding on to her words that 'panel date is set and will not change', I trust her as she's lovely but scared at the same time, don't want any more delays its so hard when you just want to know and move on  

Sorry for probably missing lots of people, so hard to trail back and remember once I start typing  , have a good evening xx


----------



## babas

Hi everyone! Hope you're all doing well.

I'm feeling a bit down about things at the moment hoping next week is brighter!


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Sorry to hear that babas, hope your feeling more more positive soon


----------



## DRocks

Babas- your not the only one feeling down so big hugs, I'm a sniveling lump of self doubt and un positivity these past few days  I literally could just sit and cry I'm so scared about going back to panal. 

Waiting- can you not send her a little email or something just to put your mind at ease a little?

Claudia- that just sucks but I bet your bottom $ that another agency will be a completely different story x x x

Tinkerbell- all sounding so positive off you right now x x x I'm proud of you also 

Our updated PAR couldn't have any more positive stuff in it if it tried. Has a great added bit in from the adoption manager as well. Also looks like we are going to be assigned our next social worker so we can start seriously family finding as we loose our social worker after panal due to him being independant and not LA employed.
Still feel really negative and insecure about it though


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Oh Disney sorry to hear your feeling low, give yourself a pinch and get back with it, everything sounds really positive from what your saying so with everything your doing too it should be absolutely fine, chick up hun  

I don't want to contact sw really as want to show her we can wait etc, to be fair when we last spoke she was really clear that I have any questions she's at the end of the phone for us but that if we didn't then she would not be in touch for 3 weeks until all is done, so Im gonna give her her word and wait, my thinking is that she's assured us panel won't change as she seems really hot on targets etc and has said we have to go that date & no later to meet it, so if she changes us she'll need a really good line to give me


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Plus I know she's had lots of matchings lately etc so is real busy, maybe she's working on us in the background also as she already asked for lots of pics just after xmas which seemed strange as we've not done anything round the house yet for a child i.e. room etc. You never know eh


----------



## babas

Thanks ladies. I'm just frustrated with the process and I feel like I've lied to as well. Trying to remain positive but not sleeping, constantly worrying and getting nowhere with social services.


----------



## becs40

Oh Disney I'm not surprised your nervous and feeling like this after your treatment previously. 
It all sounds great though and you've made amazing progress with your weight! Be very proud of yourself that you're still they're fighting giving it your all after everything they've put you through. You're one tough cookie who will be a great Mum!
I'm keeping everything crossed for you but sure you won't need it.


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, hope you are well!  Below are some personals but for anyone I've missed I hope everything is going great for you!

Tinkerbell, that's great you have now had some positive news!  

Claudia, so sorry you are hitting this hurdle with this agency.  It's great that you are so determined and surely that has to go in your favour.  I wishe you all the luck in the world for the other agencies you contact  

babas - hugs   are they on a go slow or is there more to it? I know parts of the process seem so slow but they do have to stick to the time scales and justify why they haven't if that's the case. 

Disney, it sounds SO positive with the manager adding comments as well as talk of a new SW and family finding.  Surely if there was any risk involved your agency would be preparing you for it and wouldn't be so positive. Sending you hugs and some positivity  

Twinkletoes, I hope you have made loads of progress and your panel date is soon  

Hunibunni, Jacks girl and waiting patiently, can I join you in the waiting game please? We had our last home study session today.  I feel like it's a major  for us and feeling SO positive!  We have to wait until the end of April for panel so have an agonising 2 months+ of waiting. Our next meetings with our SW have been booked in for early Apr, two dates to review our PAR.  All I have to pass the time so far is a trauma/attachment course in March and hopefully another meet up with other adopters from our prep course. I've made lists galore of things we will need but we really don't want to buy anything major until after panel.  Think I will throw myself into garden projects (if this rain ever stops) to pass the time.

x


----------



## babas

Mafagirl there's more to it. The cardio request doesn't look like it was made but nobody knows. They have also added an extra reference who we would never have used. And my home study one to one was not as confidential as I was led to believe.


----------



## Lorella

Hi everyone,
Mafergal - great news on your last HS. Good luck with keeping yourself busy. We are at a different stage to you, still waiting to find out if onto stage 2, but also going a bit crazy at the mo! Just want to get started properly!  

Disney - sorry you are feeling sad. It's great that you have been assigned a new SW. Keeping everything crossed for you that everything will be ok  as I'm sure it will 

Babas - hope you are feeling better today  

Waiting patiently - all this waiting is so hard but if she said the date won't change, as you say, believe in that. I am sure she is right. Doesn't make it any easier though I know. I am sure they are just really busy, I know mine are really short staffed and rushed off their feet at the moment. Hope you hear some news soon  

Claudia - hope you are ok. So sorry you didn't have better news. Don't give up though Hun, you will get there. Good luck with your ringing around 🍀

Tinkerbell80 - so pleased you had a good meeting  

DDCT  - how did your outing with your nephew go? We are taking our 8 year old nephew to see the Lego movie on Sunday. It will be the first time we've taken him out by ourselves but we are trying to get more involved. Quite looking forward to it! 

Hi to weemoofraz, Becky29, kimmieb, jacks girl, Hunnibunni  and Arrows 🙋. Sorry to anyone I've missed but can't scroll back any further!

No news here except still waiting to be given a meeting date to review our forms from stage 1. Have def been told we are on prep course in March though so that's good and look forward to that!

Sorry for long post but wanted to catch up with everyone. Have a good rest of the week all xxx


----------



## thespouses

Sorry no personals but just a quick update, we have our first of two full HS days tomorrow (little boy is going to the childminder for the day!). We need to confirm what documents have got back to the VA from referees etc., I have a feeling my employer has not sent anything back   . We have got both our DBS back (can't remember if I said that), there's still a lot of the overseas paperwork outstanding too which will also need a lot of chasing.


----------



## Petite One

Good luck thespouses. I hope your employer has sent something back! 

Mafergal - I've created a thread on help with the home study. Can you offer any tips please?

Good luck everyone.


----------



## thespouses

Yes, hooray, my employer has (so has hubby's, and all the referees).


----------



## weemoofrazz

the spouses best of luck with your HS full days! Hats off to you for having a full on day of it, you'll need a nice wee tipple by the end of the day! Hope all goes well. 

Disney I hope all goes well with the new SW, best of luck. 

To everyone else who's playing the waiting game may we still be sane by the end of it all!


----------



## claudia6662

hi all and hope you are all well. Me and DP have decided that we are gonna have a break from adoption and just be us again for a while. Being knocked back has knocked our confidence right out of the window and I'm running myself into the ground with it all. I want to be me again and be happy , we are hopefully gonna have a holiday together in the spring and then come back stronger than ever. 

Sorry i havent given you all personal feedbacks but I know you will all do fantastically well in your adoption journeys and cant thankyou all for your support over the last few months. I wish you all the best of luck in the world and its people like you that truely deserve to be adoptive parents. 

Ill still pop in now and again to see how you all are, you guys are the best


----------



## StarryEyed

Thought I would pop in and say hi, I've been hanging around and reading for a little while but am now coming to the end of Stage 1.

All medicals, references and DBS checks are back and just completed my workshops so now just waiting for my end of Stage 1 interview and to be allocated a social worker for the Stage 2 assessment. Really excited!


----------



## Lorella

Welcome Staryeyed. We are in exactly the same position as you!
Wish they would hurry up. So want to start stage 2!
Good luck and hope you hear from them soon xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

It's typical, the administrator has gone on holiday so won't here anything about what to do next until Monday. I would have taken in my DBS check for them to copy today otherwise. I guess its now use the waiting game. Hope you hear soon too Lorella!


----------



## mafergal

, welcome to the group Starryeyed!

Sorry things are so complicated babas! I hope it's not as bad as you think it is, not really sure what to say on the confidentiality of your 1-2-1. I would have thought they would/should have warned you about who the info would be shared with  

Hi Lorella, I remember that feeling! We had to wait about a month as we hit your stage mid Dec and so had to wait for Xmas to be over and then 2 weeks for our SW as she was placing with 2 families. It's a great sign you are definitely booked on prep.  If it's any consolation the home study part for us went really quick... down side is the long wait to AP.

thespouses, hope your day of HS is going really well! Everything seems to be flying for you and aligning perfectly, well done to your employers for getting things in  

Hi petite one, I'll have a look for your thread next  

Hi weemoofrazz, hope all is well.

Claudia, sounds like a good idea and like you and your OH are on the same page. It's so easy to get almost fixated on adoption when you are amidst the process and it's so important not to loose site of you as a couple.  Enjoy your holiday, you both deserve it! I will look out for you and again wish you lots of luck for when you decide to pursue adoption again. Take care x

x


----------



## Jacks girl

Hunibunni said:


> Jacks Girl I'm dying to see the report now wondering what sw has written about us.
> I think this waiting game is something we all have to get used to isn't it. I'm having a shopping day on Saturday so will be looking for ideas for my panel outfit that should keep me busy !
> 
> Hope everyone is doing ok
> 
> Xx


me too Hunnibunni - my next focus is the acquisition of a drop leaf shabby chic table which I shall be purchasing a plain drop leaf and then doing up myself as a project, as I want to get rid of our glass table. I have also been investigating toy/nursery safe paint for some little crafty projects I have in mind to do with my DS. When we know whether its March or April panel - then its shopping for me too lol!

Disneyrocks - lovely to hear you PAR is so positive - keeping everything crossed that panel goes great for you hun 

Lorella I hope the time passes by quickly for you and its a positive sign that you are booked on prep so well done 

Starryeyed welcome to you and I hope things get moving for you soon 

Claudia - its a shame you won't be posting for a while but its understandable you want to get off the adoption treadmill for a bit . Will look forward to seeing you back on here again in the future with some good news. Take care of yourself hun  and enjoy your holiday! 

Weemoofrazz amen to us staying sane 

Babas sorry to hear about your recent experience - hopefully it is all fine and you hear some positive news soon  

The Spouses glad to hear its all on the move again for you. 

Waiting patiently I know how you must be feeling. I am holding on for any snippet of news about panel dates being firmed up as we may be delayed from March to April depending on the last loose ends of references and medical men!

Mafergal - I hope we don't go stir crazy with the wait lol. We have been given a few 'tasks' to do whilst waiting by our SW which mostly involve preparing for a placement but that still seems so far away even though we are over the last hurdles of assessment.  we don't get delayed for panel. Hope you and DW are well?

Twinkletoes how are you getting on?

Hi to everyone else - sorry if I have not posted any more personal posts. I am hopefully off soon to collect my MOT'd car which means a windy stroll to the nearby garage. It all contributes to the fitness though  One of my references has been contacted to make an appointment about seeing them so that is underway thank god. Just waiting to hear from my other two to say they have been contacted.

Right while I wait for the garage to call to ebay I must go to check on a table!

 to all xxx


----------



## Treaco

Hi girls

Claudia hope you and Dh have a good brk and come back stronger. Enjoy sometime to yourselves.

Jacksgirl hope you hear when ur panel will be soon.

Disneyrocks glad ur PAR is gd.

Thespouses glad things r moving for u.

Welcome to the new girls, the girls on here are a gr8 support.

Lorrell good news ur booked on prep.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Well our sw went off sick over a week ago so spoke to her manager yesterday who is hoping she'll be back next week but if not she is going to look at making sure we're not left in limbo and has even talked about coming out herself to c us.  She also told me we're are down for the 1st panel in May and she's confident that's still going to be the case but that means our PAR needs to be into the panel by end of March as they require it 4weeks in advance. Excited to now have a date.

Michelle xx


----------



## mamu

Hi StarryEyed and Lorella, I am at the same stage as you   I took my DBS to our LA today so they could make a copy and references are back. Nobody could give me any information on our medical though. They promised a call next week with more information and hopefully a date for end of stage one interview. Exciting times! Maybe you'd like to also join us in our Starting in Winter 13/14 thread?


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Hi Everyone,

Sorry no personals tonight but really good to hear everyones sounding positive with where there at  

As for us (or me rather) am feeling really deflated, today we should have been at panel, so new panel date was set 3 weeks ago for what is now 3 weeks time, I'm trying to stay hopeful and she told me we wouldn't hear from her for 3 weeks as she would be finishing everything up but that our date wouldn't now change, however I know she's not contacted or refs yet to visit (written refs are in but she's not been to visit which she said she would be doing in this last few weeks) and so with it being 3 weeks today, no arrangement yet made for us to view our PAR surely we're going to miss it again aren't we?, I feel like crying   hubby works nights so I sit here pondering night after night, I've refrained from calling sw today as obv I know she would've had a busy one with other panels today etc and I'm desperately trying to show her we can wait for her call, but  Im sure she must realise how devastating it is to keep getting delayed, every day of countdown feels like a week and like all of us I guess I can't think of absolutely anything else, DH is fab but I know inside the unknown is eating away at him too, and Im an open person with lots of lovely friends that know all about our journey and that get just as disappointed as us with the changes   

Sorry for the self obsessed whine


----------



## thespouses

3 1/2 hours with the SW today! She will hopefully see the two local references next week when she sees us again, and then she's going to do the non-local reference by Skype. Everything else in the way of checks is all back with them, and we've got a tiny bit more homework to do but nothing major. She is really supposed to have everything written by now for panel in April but she says it will be OK.


----------



## Pretty_Peony

Hello,
Hope that you are all well. Sorry for the lack of personals, am struggling to keep up this late at night but will definitely catch-up properly over the weekend! 
We're just waiting for prep now, my DBS is back at last and have been given our prep dates for March/April and then told we can move to Stage 2 (think we are roughly still the same as you Lorella!!) The waiting bit at this point is a little frustrating but all for a good cause eh  
Have a lovely weekend all xx


----------



## Lorella

Starry eyed and Treaco - they always seem to be off sick or on holiday  

Thanks Mafergal , Jacksgirl and Treaco. Yes she said our end of stage 1 interview might be before or after prep, depending on when they have enough staff to allocate one but defo on prep so I am holding her to that!  😊

Thanks Mamu - will take a look 😊

Waiting patiently - how frustrating Hun. You are doing so well not ringing. I really hope she is getting everything sorted for you as we speak! Fingers crossed 💐

Well done Thespouses!

Pretty- Peony -nice there's a few of us waiting between stage 1 and 2 at the moment, to try to keep each other sane! 😊
Xxx


----------



## babas

Thanks ladies. Hoping Monday will bring me good news! Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary so concentrating on that this weekend.

Hope everyone else is doing well on this crazy roller coaster know as ADOPTION!


----------



## TillyT

Hi everyone 

Well we start our prep tomorrow, first of 4 sessions, and have officially been accepted on to stage 2. Although our LA seem very thorough they're not exactly sticking to the new time scales with us, however we're very excited that it seems to all be fitting into place now.

Just wondering if anyone has any advice what to wear tomorrow and what I can expect in the first day? 

Xx


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone. Just a flying visit, will have a proper catch up tomorrow.

TillyT enjoy prep! I'd advise comfy clothes - smart casual. We spent a fair bit of time on the floor writing on flip chart paper & doing group activities. All couples were split up for the activities too... we are convinced they watched us & made notes   The first day was introducing ourselves, why do children need adopting, links a child may have/moves etc & several activities. Can't remember if milestones & development was also day 1 or day 2.

x


----------



## babas

Ours made notes too Mafagirl and they were discussed with us by SW!


----------



## Arrows

They do make note on how you are as a couple, interest, response etc and then they make a report on your suitability to your SWs. This is taken into consideration when they decide if you can proceed.


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well the ROI is done, I am sending it off tomorrow. I am now nursing a burn on my stomach, thanks to a very hot cup of coffee. I also saw the scan pic of my new neice or nephew.


----------



## mamu

Fingers crossed tinkerbell80! I hope you are lucky this time


----------



## mafergal

A few personals;

Waiting_patiently, you poor thing. Fingers crossed your SW is on top of everything and has now made some progress with your references.  I'm not in the same situation as you but our SW got through all our refs in a couple of days and she chose to have telephone conversations with two of them so it can easily be done. If you've already been delayed they really should be pressing to keep you on track and not delay you again.

Hey Jack's girl, did you get the table you wanted?  DW and I are fine thanks, just twiddling our thumbs a bit... something we will be pros at by the time panel comes around. Our SW asked us for some photos of us as a couple (cringe) and I needed to amend our family tree and eco map due to my grandad passing away. 

TillyT hope your first prep day went well  

Babas and Arrows, thanks for the corroboration   Glad to know we weren't being paranoid... would love to know what they said/thought about us  

Hope everyone else is well x


----------



## babas

Mafagirl did you're social worker not tell you?


----------



## DRocks

Hello Everyone 

Tink my fingers are firmly crossed for you x

Tillyt, they do take notes! I just looked back and this is one comment that made me chuckle "She also had some concerns about what would happen if they did not get on with their social worker."

Babas I hope you had a wonderful anniversary x  

I've missed people out, I'm sorry, but I send some magic dust your ways for a good week x x x.  

As for us, well nothing exciting really, but I did loose another 4.5lbs this week.
I go for a blood test and weigh in on Thursday which should be a heap of fun I'm sure


----------



## Lizard39

Woohoo Disney    

Just gate-crashing this thread to say well done & congratulation with your weight lose this week. What is your total now! I know you will do it & walk into AP in April looking & feeling fantastic and get your well deserved a big fat yes


----------



## TillyT

Day one done and dusted, really good day. Lovely group of people, not too big or small, mix of characters. Didn't spot any note taking! But I'm sure there will be  

Shattered tonight, a lot of information to take in around the process and PAR. Looking forward to next week   - one step  closer  

Good and luck to everyone on this roller coaster adventure, I live reading all your posts xx


----------



## DRocks

Lizard39 said:


> Woohoo Disney
> 
> Just gate-crashing this thread to say well done & congratulation with your weight lose this week. What is your total now! I know you will do it & walk into AP in April looking & feeling fantastic and get your well deserved a big fat yes


Thankyou so much, your kind words really lifted my spirits.
Fingers crossed but I think since January 7th I have lost 23lbs 
After Thursdays weigh in I have another 4 weeks to add to this. I committed to 7lbs a month so hopefully they will think this is ok.


----------



## becs40

Disney I second Tilly's words! 

23lbs is absolutely amazing! Well done you. You should feel very proud of yourself indeed.


----------



## babas

Disney rocks you have done so well!!!'


----------



## Ruthie82

I am so so sooooo sorry for not replying on the post for several months, hubby & I have being doing the house up on a tight deadline. We made it.....just!

Hope everyone is doing well in their journey, I have been thinking of you all. 

I read a few of you have your prep. sessions coming up, we too have ours in March. Reference are going ahead at the moment, I believe that they are visiting 3  of them, I do wonder what they will ask them, intreaging. 

Ruth x


----------



## mafergal

Well done Disney!  That's brilliant!

No our SW didn't mention it Babas.  I do remember one exercise in prep clearly when we were split into groups and all 2 SW's & the adoptive parent who was there for all sessions came in at different points with clipboards   I think I'll ask her just for the hell of it next time we see her.

Glad prep day one was a good one TillyT.

Hi Ruthie, nice to see you back  

x


----------



## flickJ

Hi everyone  

Just wanted to pop on and wish you all the best of luck with your journeys, and also to wish Becky29forever  , as I think it is her Panel date tomorrow


----------



## Hunibunni

Good luck Becky29forever for approval panel today. Will be thinking of you.

Xx  xx


----------



## Dawn7

Hi Everyone,

Sorry I haven't posted for awhile, but our wonderful dog had to be put to sleep over xmas (xmas eve) and we were devastated   so have been keeping busy.

Anyway, read all ur updates, some really positive updates and the not so good or I can see some of you are in horrible limbo land.

Big congrats to FlickJ, I hope we all get there too  

Also well done Disney Rocks, its not easy losing weight and you're weight loss shows how much mother hood means to you, so I wish you all the luck in the world 

It'd take forever to do personals for everyone, but hope we're all parents by the end of the year  

Just to let you all know we have our last Home study session tomoz, looking forward to doing some matching exercises.

We have potential panel date of the 17th April, so hoping the next month and a half flies by.

I'll keep reading and following everyone's updates, hoping to see more positives

Bye for now

xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all

Sorry I have not been on work has been hectic. 

Mafergal still no table lol. I know how you feel about the photograph thing - I was the same . We have had 'visitors' at work the last few days if you get my drift so am exhausted. 
Hi Dawn I hope your last session went well . Welcome to Limbo land lol. 
Becky - hope approval panel went well  
Hi Ruthie hope you are well  
Disneyrocks - well done on the weight loss hun you are really smashing it  
Tilly T glad you are enjoying your prep 

Hi to babas, Arrows, The Spouses, Lorella, Waiting patiently, mamu and everyone else. Sorry if I have missed anyone out. 
Take care all xxx


----------



## babas

Far too many people for personals! But I hope you're all doing well. Mafagirl what date is your panel?

I start home study again today. Session five of 8 but the social worker thinks we've covered a lot already so we should whizz through it. My mum and a family friend have reference interviews tomorrow. So only two of those left. Should also have news on my medical by the end of tomorrow so I hope that ends a year of waiting.


----------



## DRocks

Been for my monthly weigh in this morning and I've lost another 11lbs  
I don't know if it's big headed of me but I'm really really proud of myself.


----------



## Arrows

Disneyrocks -you are incredible!!


----------



## liveinhope

Guess I better join this board now - we are now on the road to approval for No2.  Gone with the same LA as before who have told us 4-5 months to get to panel... we'll see.  Just excited to get going again,

Looking forward to getting to know everyone here

LIH xx


----------



## MummyPhinie

Hi all, 
Wow a lot going on for everyone! Well done Disney that's awesome, I would be very proud. Hang in tight everyone else, it seems to be a very rocky road!

Been quiet of late on here as been ill and in middle of HS so plenty going on.

Busy week, day 4 of prep carried over from jan completed Monday . .tick!
Hubs had his1:1 today which has gone ok.. Tick! 
Had call from sw this afternoon panel booked(23rd April).......tick!
Got stage2 plan and looks like 2 more HS sessions then . .......tick!
Few other loose ends for her to sort and we have got a ton of questions to answer ourselves but got about 4 weeks to do it! Also got to squeeze in some more childcare of family and friends kids if we can......oh and a potential activity day where we may see our potential links  
Getting quotes for some work needed in house, seems to be really escalating now.

If goes all to plan I cannot believe it will be just over 6 months since we had our initial visit before roi forms went in! Feel reassured that even though we haven't completed everything our sw is confident to get us at panel. Hoping the matching session and sibling questionnaire will finalise our decision on number of siblings!!!!
Sending everyone lots of


----------



## MummyPhinie

Oooo and just noticed I am a forum full member at last !!!!


----------



## babas

Phinie we go to panel 2 days after you!! We also have just two sessions left. Was supposed to be 3 but social worker said we have covered everything but matching.


----------



## mafergal

Hi all  

We have panel 3 days after you babas. Quite a long wait though considering everything is done. Kind of wish we did have loose ends to tie up as it would give us something to do. SW says she's written most of our PAR.

Jacks girl, poor you re. the visitors. I just know DW will have hers around AP or some other very inconvenient time. Think I'm dragging DW out with the dog over the weekend; adamant we will have some 'nice' family photos to send to our SW for our profile  

Hi Dawn & Phinie Know exactly how you feel!

Becky29, hope approval panel went well!

Welcome to the group liveinhope  

Wow Disney, 11lbs in a week is almost unbelievable! That's Biggest Loser weight loss  You should be really proud of yourself!

Nothing to update here. Other than I got a response from my work (Home Office) about a complaint I made before Xmas about lack of pre-matching support etc. Long story short they say they are bringing in changes in May this year. Either adding it as applicable for special leave or a separate policy in adoption leave. If it does come in around May it will really help with the time off I will need for all the pre matching appointments. Just need DW to write a complaint to her employer now & we'll be sorted  

Hope everyone else is well. Have e a good weekend x


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well it has been an intense week, I am all over the place as fil has had a stroke and we might have to relocate but waiting to see. I sent ROI on Wednesday and all was good so waiting to hear back.
No personals tonight as feeling lousy


----------



## babas

Thinking of you and your family tinkerbelle x


----------



## Becky29forever

Hi,

Thanks so much for the messages, I am very pleased and relieved to report that me and my DH were recommended for approval by the panel yesterday!

Woooooo hoooooooo!!!!!!! 

Now the waiting begins .........


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

I'll start by saying sorry to hear about ur FIL Tinkerbell, hope he's ok and better soon

Big congrats to BeckyForever, you're going be a mummy, so excited for u x

We had our last home study session yesterday, we got to see children's profiles.
As we're looking at siblings, but happy to look at single children too, we got to look at about 10 profiles. We had to say what we liked  and didn't like, it was really hard. Found it hard because I felt mean judging them on looks and their health.

We were shown children with blonde and brunette hair colour, we're brunettes and said I'd prefer a child with brown hair and sw and DH didn't agree with me

I actually thought when u go to matching panel, it'd be best if the child fitted in, i.e. had matching hair colour. SW did say some family finders do prefer adoptees do have matching hair colour, but shouldn't be an issue.

We saw a really lovely blue with blonde hair too, so think I'd cope lol

Anyway we have a meeting in 2 weeks time and our PAR maybe ready to see too and sw plans to do referee visits over the next few weeks.

Just want April to get here

So hope everyone's getting closer and issues are fading

xx


----------



## flickJ

Huge congratulations Becky   


I am so happy for you, hope you find your LO soon


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Dawn I told our sw that we wanted particular hair colours.  We'd seen a number of profiles by then and realised that we were only drawn to certain things physically.  Sw was fine with that we were nervous saying.  But there's no point looking at profiles and wasting time when you know your heart drops on seeing something.  I know it sounds a bit bad but it's not I just never felt drawn to certain features so there was no point in looking.  Good luck x x


----------



## Hunibunni

Whoop whoop Becky...big congrats to u and DH

You are now officially mummy and daddy's to be 

Xx


----------



## Arrows

At our first prep group we met an adoptee who had a huge problem that she was the only blonde in a family of brunettes and although she knew her family loved her, she never felt like she fit in.
Choosing what you'll accept is a really personal thing and it is absolutely fine to me honest. For us it wasn't an issue as we were quite happy to take on a completely different ethnicity to our own but as it turned out LO had the same hair and eye colour as I do.


----------



## tinkerbell80

Thank you for the knd words about fil, he is improving but it is a long road and one that could see us moving in to his house   but that is because of the work that needs doing. But have decided if that happens I will move my business and only do Early year.

Congratulations to those that have passed panel


----------



## Lorella

Sorry to hear about your FIL Tinkerbelle. Hope he feels better soon and glad to hear he's improving  

Congrats Becky!   

 Hi Liveinhope 

Disneyrocks - well done on weigh in. 

Well done to all those coming to the end or finishing HS 😊

Dawn - so sorry to hear about your doggie  

Hi to everyone else and hope your ok.... Especially those in limbo land like me! Boring.........!! I am going to do some more online training at the weekend while I'm waiting. 

Xxx


----------



## mamu

Tinkerbelle, I am so sorry! :-( 

Disneyrocks, I am really impressed! I am trying to lose weight and I just can't stop eating chocolate. It's what keeps me sane at the moment...

So happy for you Becky!!

Lorella, I know exactly how you feel. The waiting is driving me crazy (= need of chocolate). I called our agency today. No news on the medical yet, they'll call me with a date for end of stage one interview next week. That's what they said last week, too. Aaaaahhh!!!! I know it's not their fault and I want to be patient, but I am not succeeding particularly well...


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi ladies,

Sorry I've not been around much, I'm so tired after work which means I've not been on much.

We were told on Monday that our panel is been pushed back a month 😢 it's hard not to feel disappointed but I'm just telling myself that it WILL happen in May. If it gets pushed back again then I will be hysterical. I'm literally counting down the days, I'm just so desperate to hear the big fat YES word. X


----------



## babas

That's frustrating Adoptiondreams! Have they given you a reason?

There's a lot of us in panel in April. We have two home study sessions left, two references done and two to go! Passed my medical which is wonderful news.


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all

Adoption Dreams we got news that we have been pushed back yesterday. SW gave us March date but then week three onwards started to back peddle about April panels so mid April it is. It seems like an age to wait doesn't it? Can't believe they have pushed yours back to May. I am not even going to book mine off work until I am sure they will stick with this one. I resisted the urge to type back a reply saying that I thought that was on their agenda. I think often it's because of their case loads not us that these things happen hun. Hugs to you xxx

Mafergal know what you mean. I was in easing back into the half term mode but they clearly had other ideas lol! I hope DW gets it out of the way before panel or after. From Monday evening all normal life went out the window until Thurs. Hope you get some smashing photos of you and the family this weekend for your PAR. Xxx

Tinkerbell sorry to hear your news 😢Big hugs xxx

Babas looks like there will be several of us going to panel in April. I do wonder if with some of the agencies if it's a financial year thing lol! Xx

Fx for all those of you making the move from stage one to stage two that it happens quickly. 

Becky congratulations hun 🎉xx


----------



## millie:)

Was devastated that our panel date got moved to April 7 the from march 17 th it feels like an eternity sw has just got referees to see  hope it happens soon we have no upcoming sw meetings at the moment but we have to meet when she sees the referees


----------



## 2708belle

Hi everyone,

Can I join you please?  

We've got our approval panel booked for 8th July. Hoping it won't be moved back, although our SW has only spoken to/seen 2 out of 6 referees so far, plus we're moving house and I'm thinking about going for a job much closer to home, so fingers crossed. Can't say life is boring  

Anyway, hope everyone is doing ok and good luck on your journeys


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hello

Can I join this thread please !! Been in limbo for what seems ages and see a few of you are having Panel dates moved and we are just waiting for ours !! 

Our SW has been saying she has been writing up our PAR since October but a lot of excuses why it hasn't been finished and therefore a Panel date can't be booked. We were booked for Panel in January but our paperwork wasn't complete so had to be cancelled.

Have now been told Panel is in March and they will accept our paperwork late ?! SW suppose to be emailing our PAR to us this weekend to read ready for it to be submitted tomorrow but still waiting ..... 

Beckyboo x


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi everyone, hope you are all well.

Nothing much to report.  Still in limbo land waiting to see PAR.  I have the SW popping round tomorrow just to go through tiny things she has missed so hopefully report will be almost done  

I'm going to try some personals now, there is so many of us now so apologies if I miss anyone (it's not personal...honest!)

Beckyboo3 - welcome to the thread I think there is a few of us on limbo land at the moment.  But it seems yours has lasted a lifetime!! You have more patience than me! Lets hope you get that report soon!  So how many times have you checked your email this weekend?  

2708belle - welcome to the thread hun, wow you have a lot going on at the moment.  July will be here before you know it!!

Millie, Jacks Girl & Adoption Dreams - so sorry to hear your panel dates have been put back, what a bummer! This is what I'm starting to worry about but hopefully SW will allay my fears tomorrow  

Lorella - what on line training are you doing? I hope it's taking your mind off limbo land boredom. 

Tinkerbell80 - so sorry to hear about your FIL  

Mafergal - I hope you're surviving limbo land ok

Phinnie - looks like you "to do list" is getting a lot of ticks  

LiveinHope - welcome to the thread huni, wow number 2 hey, how exciting!

Disney - you are doing great with your weight loss...I am jealous!  

Babas - glad you've started home study and sounds like you're flying through! 

Hope everyone is having a great Sunday.

xx


----------



## DRocks

Beckyboo - Have you tried discussing the delays with the adoption manager? She is very helpful.
I gather from your posts that your SW is not employed directly byte la, is she independant? Our is and as lovely as our social worker is I do feel it's been a disadvantage. Are you going to the April coffee morning?


----------



## babas

Beckyboo3 that's ridiculous. Panel can be booked without the PAR! Ours hasn't been written but we are booked in.


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi 
Oh yes we are in touch with the Manager and she is being very supportive but the whole situation is a mess now ! Our SW was Independent but we are unsure if she is still being used by the LA ?? ( don't want to say to much as this is public forum) 

SW keeps saying she is working on our PAR but keeps missing deadlines set ( doesn't return our emails or calls) but we really want her to finish it as otherwise it would mean another SW taking on our Case and having to start from the beginning again ?? 

As our process has taken so long we have been to a few Coffee mornings !! Unsure if we were going to next one as our SW has been sending us Profiles before it all went pear shaped and there were two LO's we were really interested in and when we showed our Interest we were informed our paperwork wasn't ready and therefore were going to proceed with couples who were ready.

I think they are trying to get our PAR finished then just get us on any Panel as booking one in advance doesn't seem to help - our January panel had to be cancelled as nothing ready !

Thanks for all your support x


----------



## DRocks

Feel free to PM me hun, sounds like we are in the same situation


----------



## StarryEyed

Hi,

Well the administrator was back in this week and I have now been allocated a social worker . My end of stage 1 interview / date setting meeting has been set for Wednesday. eek...


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Hi All  

Disneyrocks, Well done on the yet again amazing weightloss   your doing fab and they will be well chuffed with your results! 

Beckyboo3, sorry to read how your case is being dragged on and on,   your par gets sorted soon and you get your panel date that your waiting for!

Tinkerbell80 - so sorry to read about your FIL, hope he's on the mend very soon  

AdoptionDreams thinking of you, knowing how it feels our panel date has now been pushed back twice, we'll get there in the end eh!

Congrats Becky29   fab news hope your not waiting too long for your lo to come into your lives  

Dawn7, Babas, mafergal, Lorella, Mamu, Jacks girl, millie, 2708belle - Sounds like were all playing the dreaded waiting game.....  waiting, and waiting and more waiting, either that or still on HS for some of you, that will soon enough also be waiting...lol, soon enough it will be our turn  

Good luck to those just starting stage 1, your on your way now to being a forever family!

As for us most of you know we should have been going to panel on the 14th March, but as expected it's been delayed, not our sw fault, she's desperately been trying to get par ready but has had lots of matching panels which is far more important and hopefully could be us, also she didn't want to be rushing our par and not putting her all into it, so hey ho 4th April for us now, 3rd time lucky and happens to be my best pals b'day, so hopefully its an omen  , still just under 5 weeks away though, but will come around soon enough, she also said she has some blues that will be ready for placement at our time and she's hopeful we'll be getting a quick match, desperately trying not to get too excited though for fear of disappointment, she knows me though so won't show any profiles until its the real deal as doesn't want me getting my hopes u, she clearly has gotten to know us well   
So she's coming monday to go through our finished par, has visited the references which they all said went brilliantly so really can't wait now!!

Anyway apologies to anyone I've missed, so many to keep up with now, have a great week everyone


----------



## Arrows

We got a letter today to say we have been assigned our old SW and she's coming to visit us a week tomorrow for us to sign the contracts and get started on our Stage 2 pretty much straight away! 
Feeling a bit more real!

In other news, 
Our house renovation started today so have a large hole in my loft for the new hatch to go in tomorrow and boarding the loft. Then all our junk is going up there to empty the spare rooms to start re-plastering every bedroom which should take around two weeks to do. After that is ripping out the old kitchen and bathroom, blocking in 2 doorways, knocking down two internal walls, knocking through an external wall and installing a new back door, putting in a new shower-room, kitchen and utility area, installing underfloor heating in the kitchen, put down new flooring in the kitchen and lounge/diner, damp-proofing, taking out old 1960 fireplaces, blocking off one old one and installing one new one and putting on a prime coat all over the house ready for us to paint. Then just to see if we've any money left to carpet and paint the rest of the house!!!
All with a nerve damaged ankle following a bad sprain which has meant me signed off work for 8 weeks so far (for a job I only started in Sept) and a toddler who against all good sense of timing has decided he wants to potty train. 
Hmmm. I know I said I like to busy but this is certainly not going to be a boring year!


----------



## thespouses

Wow Arrows you are going to be BUSY! At least there's no point in rushing round with a hoover when the SW comes!

Anyway we got emails/texts from the childcare setting and my volunteer colleague saying that they've all got their form to fill in - still to hear from our family referee whether he's got an interview sorted with the SW, and the SW said she's already called our HV for a letter from her.

So nearly there! Just need our PAR to look at!


----------



## liveinhope

We are still waiting to hear...typical!


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Quick thanks to Lorella for mentioning me in ur last post  

Also DIY Diva and Arrows - Thanks for making me feel normal, might wait to see what happens at panel (I won't actually believe I'll be a mum until day 14 of intro's when we're taking our child/children home lol) then maybe mention it.

Mafergal - Hope ur ok   

Anyway as Home study has finished and panel is 6 weeks away tomorrow and know there's a lot of us going to panel this month and in April. I hope you don't mind but i've compiled a list of when we're all off to panel (fingers crossed that there are no delays), just so we know where everyone's upto  exciting times!

If I've made any errors, my apologies, let me know and I'll update the list  

This Month (March)

Disney rocks - End of March
Hunnibunni- 26/3
Jacks Girl- TBC
Twinkletoes13- End of March
Waiting Patiently- March

April

Babas- 25/4
Dawn7 (me and DH) - 17/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Millie - 7/4
Phinie35- 23/4

May

Caroline S - TBC
Weemoofrezz- TBC

June

KimmiB - TBC

July

2708Belle- 8/7

Unsure

The Spouses

Confirmed mums to be (so far from this group)  

f1
FlickJ
Becky29forever


Also for those of you that are waiting for panel, have you heard much from ur sw's? Have u many meetings planned before u go to panel? Are they going to run through questions u maybe potentially maybe asked at panel? and did you get told when they'd finished writing ur PAR?

Will continue to wish March away lol

Speak soon xx


----------



## Arrows

I think we'll be July but will confirm once we meet with the SW next week and sign contracts.


----------



## Waiting_patiently

ooh Thanks for the listing Dawn7, we're 4th of April for panel, it was changed from March but my message was so long winded it probably wasn't clear  

As for contact from SW, we had our last visit at the beginning of Jan, then no contact until I chased for PAR 3 weeks before due panel at that time, was then told it had been changed (which we had been warned), so then waited for the next one, again 3 weeks before we were told changed again, but assured this next one won't change! So in short, no contact, except an appt now to see our PAR next week, then its countdown to panel on the 4th, It's soooo hard, trying to read and read more info but getting nowhere as I just can't think straight, I have baby brain, eating, eating and more eating when I should be losing, losing and more losing      all worth the ups and downs and waiting though in the end hopefully when we all get our big fat yes's!


----------



## thespouses

Ours is pretty sure to be April, thankfully.


----------



## Arrows

My little man is ill tonight and feeling rather helpless. The worse bit about being a mum I think -seeing your child in pain and unable to do anything to stop the hurt is one of the most awful feelings in the world.


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Sorry to hear that Arrows, hope your wee man perks up soon


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone   Hope you are all well! Lots of posts since my last one on Fri, nice to see the board so busy. 

Dawn, thanks for the list   We had our last HS on 19/2 & have had no contact yet but we aren't expecting any to be honest. On our last HS we booked in a date to meet with her at the beginning of April where she will hand over our PAR, then a date is booked for a week later for us to hand it back with corrections etc & have a chat in more depth about panel. So March really is total limbo land  

Disney, hope the latest issue isn't an issue for you!

Waiting patiently, sorry to hear your panel got pushed back. So many of us panelling in Apr.

Arrows, your post made me feel exhausted just reading it! (Home renovations). Hope your LO is feeling better.

Beckyboo, hope your SW sorts herself out! I don't think there is any excuse to be held up this long when there are no other issues.

Hi Jacks girl, photos didn't happen as DW was in a grump   she reads this & saw what I'd written & refused   So had to make do with ones we already have. Hope you are ok & surviving limbo land!

Hi hunibunni, Babas & everyone else also with me in limbo land  

Hello to Starryeyed, belle, Millie, adoption dreams, the spouses, tinkerbelle, mamu, Lorella, twinkle toes & becky29. Sorry if I have missed anyone, can only track back so far on my phone & my memory is not good this time of a morning   Plus has taken about 40 mins to write this


----------



## Lorella

Mamu - any news on your interview date? 
I had an email confirming prep this month so I took the opportunity to reply asking if knew when interview was. The reply said something like ' still waiting to see how things will be allocated. Will know more by next Monday'! So still waiting too    Hope you're not going to crazy waiting!

Adoptiondreams - sorry to hear about your push back. Hope you get a date soon 

 2708 Belle and Beckiboo

Hunnibunni - thanks. Our LA gives us 2 free online training modules. We've done one on trauma and the next one we've chosen is on attachment. Gonna try and finish it this weekend before prep so have as much knowledge as poss!

Starry eyed - hope your meeting went ok 

Waiting patiently - hope the wait goes quickly 

Arrows - great news things are moving quickly too. Hope little man feels better soon. 

Dawn - thanks for the list. Can't wait until hopefully I can add to it!

Disneyrocks - hope this won't cause a problem. 

Hi to Mafergal, Thespouses, Liveinhope, babas, Millie, jacks girl and everyone else who is past my scroll feed. Hope you are all ok. 

Xxx


----------



## Dawn7

Hi Everyone,

You know i'll be on here daily now, passing the time lol

Although sometimes hearing negative posts, no matter how small really make me anxious. Think it's because we want to be parents so badly and panel is like I said yesterday 6 weeks away. Most of us have panel next month too and I bet you're all feeling the same and thinking are we going to be lucky this time?  

Obviously there's no reason why not, but I feel now that this is right for us, we weren't meant to have birth children, but we are here to give a better life and much needed love to some special children.

Anyway forgot to say apologies to anyone I missed off the list - just update on here and i'll try and keep the list upto date and going, so no-one has to go back pages to see where we all are.

Updated List

This Month (March)

Disney rocks - End of March
Hunnibunni- 26/3
Jacks Girl- TBC
Twinkletoes13- End of March

April

Babas- 25/4
Dawn7 (me and DH) - 17/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Millie - 7/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Waiting Patiently - 4/4

May

Caroline S - TBC
Weemoofrezz- TBC

June

KimmiB - TBC

July

Arrows
2708Belle- 8/7

Unsure or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
The Spouses

Also Arrows - hope ur little boy is ok

Waiting Patiently - I wont hold my breath then to hearing from my sw then lol to be fair I know she is busy and has another couple who she's looking after and they have the exact same panel date as us, so she's having to right 2 PAR's.
Also fingers crossed ur panel date won't change now, if it doesn't u go to panel in less than a months time  

Mafergal- reading ur last post did u find it hard to provide a photo of yourselves for ur PAR? Only asking because so did we, im not photogenic in the slightest, our sw asked us about 3 times and we tried taking our photo on 3 different nights. To say I did my hubby's head in was an understatement, we took about 200 photos and I said no to all (it is after all the most important pic ever, which we'll be judged on, so there was huge pressure lol) anyway he did eventually forgive me when I found a photo we'd had taken in January and my sister/nephews b'day - wasn't perfect but was better than suggesting we try another night of picture taking haha

Anyway hope ur all keeping busy, keeping away from baby sites and the urge to shop

speak soon xx




Confirmed mums to be (so far from this group)  

f1
FlickJ
Becky29forever


----------



## babas

Social worker has just told me that a fire safety check should be done by tomorrow. Fire service said it will weeks to do which means we miss panel! 

How long have others taken?


----------



## Loopylou29

Never heard of a fire safety check. Our sw just checked for smoke alarms and that the upstairs windows would open wide enough to get out.


----------



## babas

The local fire service have to do it apparently!?


----------



## Loopylou29

Thats ridiculous . I've never heard of anyone having to get the fire brigade to come round.


----------



## Dawn7

Updated List- Forgot to update The Spouses (sorry) x

This Month (March)

Disney rocks - End of March
Hunnibunni- 26/3
Jacks Girl- TBC
Twinkletoes13- End of March

April

Babas- 25/4
Dawn7 (me and DH) - 17/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Millie - 7/4
Phinie35- 23/4
The Spouses - TBC
Waiting Patiently - 4/4

May

Caroline S - TBC
Weemoofrezz- TBC

June

KimmiB - TBC

July

Arrows
2708Belle- 8/7

Unsure or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed

Babas - we had to have a home fire safety visit, they came round, gave me a leaflet and fitted 2 fire alarms - I now have 4 four alarms in my house lol

You have me worried now as I think we were told we would need to have a certified certificate for our boiler by someone who is corgi registered. Our last week in home study was to go over anything we were missing and were told she has everything. I know it'll cost about £80-90 for this to be done, do I call my sw to discuss? really don't want any delays.

bye for now xx


----------



## Treaco

Hi girls

Been trying to catch up with everyone but laptop not working so trying to read on my phone.

We were on a communications course yest and today with other adopters and foster carers and it was really good and we both got a certificate to say we had done it. It was our sw who got us on it and they have said they will email us any future courses now.  It was good meeting foster carers and gearing things from they're point of view.
Our panel date is 12th May, hope it doesn't change. We have only 1/2 more visits left and that'll be us.

Babas we didn't need to get fire check done, our sw just asked us if our smoke alarms were working.

There's alot of panels coming up so exciting times.

good luck
Michelle xx


----------



## liveinhope

Heard from SW today about them coming to visit to start the process again.  Feeling real now!!


----------



## tinkerbell80

Wow what a week, still waiting for new la to get back to us roi is in so we are just waiting. I gave notice to a problem family, took them back but now have to give everyone notice as we are moving in to my FIL's house. 
Very negative about a few things. One of which is Ofsted they are yet again coming to talk to me about concerns. It is malicious and I know who it is but getting highly fed up with it now. And moving cannot come quick enough but it needs a lot of work.


----------



## katie c

babas said:


> Social worker has just told me that a fire safety check should be done by tomorrow. Fire service said it will weeks to do which means we miss panel!
> 
> How long have others taken?


Yeah, we were supposed to have one. But I can't help you with times sadly, as I left a message and no one ever called me back. And then I, er, forgot all about it. As have SS seemingly as our son has been home six months and it was never done.

Just shows what a load of crap some of this stuff that is so important is eh?


----------



## DRocks

Oh Tink that justs sucks, I've had a few malicious complaints so if you need to chat you just PM me x x

It's turning into a disaster here, I will know more Monday and will fill you all in


----------



## tractorgirl

Hi, everyone. Haven't posted on here for ages as we've been sitting in limbo for the past few months waiting for a DBS check to come back. Everything was ticking along nicely just after Christmas after we completed the first part of our four-day training, had our medicals, etc. the plan was to get us to panel end of May/early June. Stage one should have been completed by the end of January so we're now two months behind. We've chased up the DBS and apparently it should be here anytime, but they've been saying that for weeks. Hey-ho. Hope you're all doing ok. I can't wait for this warm weather we're supposed to be getting this weekend. I'm fed up with sloshing about in puddles!


----------



## tinkerbell80

DisneyrocksH said:


> Oh Tink that justs sucks, I've had a few malicious complaints so if you need to chat you just PM me x x
> 
> It's turning into a disaster here, I will know more Monday and will fill you all in


Thanks Disney, I am pretty sure I know who it is... and whilst they are still being cared for although at a reduced contract, They are the first ones that are being given notice. It is the 2nd in a month the first one was my ex brother in law.. I gave notice on a family who owed money and the children's behaviour and behaviour management was non existant and we would take one step forward and ten steps back in controlling the behaviour.

Things are currently very stressful and I could have done without this as Moving is going to have to happen rapidly! as Mikes dad is being allowed out of hospital today! nothing medically wrong just physio and rehab is needed and that can be done home based.. he is coming to ours tomorrow so will be rushing everywhere to get the bedroom sorted.

Should hear about our acceptance back on to stage 1 for the new LA we applied to early next week as well.


----------



## mamu

@ Lorella Nothing happening here either. It's driving me mad. I called last Friday and they promised to call this week. Well, they still have a few hours... Fingers crossed you get some news on Monday!


----------



## Lorella

Starting to feel excited as workbook came through the post today ( now I know what all you are on about when you talk about workbooks and homework!)

First prep day 17th March so not long now. Does anyone have any tips? I know it will prob be best to dress comfy and be ourselves but wondered if anyone had any other advice whose been through prep?

Hi to all xxx


----------



## babas

Had a nightmare session today. Feeling so deflated about the whole thing right now


----------



## Lorella

Oh Babas. Are you ok hun? Sending lots of hugs   Xxx


----------



## babas

Just get over one hurdle and they find another. It's almost like they are looking for reasons to fail you.


----------



## DRocks

Babas hugs and hope you feel better today.
But I agree 100%


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hi All, second time adopter here!

Just started the process for no. 2, exciting


----------



## Barbados Girl

Hi All

Due to go to panel in 2 1/2 weeks. How is everyone doing? X


----------



## babas

Terrible for us! Next week is our last HS but we're not sure we will continue as last week we were make to feel so awful. Our confidence is absolutely shattered.


----------



## Barbados Girl

Oh no! What happened?


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Babas I must have missed something, last I read was that you'd been asked to sort a fire safety check, whats happened to make you feel bad? Hope your ok


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Sorry also Hi to Barbados girl were not long after you then, 4th April for us


----------



## Ruthie82

Lots of things happening, so glad to hear lots of you are going to panel in the next few months and a couple of people have just had sucessful panel dates 

Babas - Hope you are ok and you find some strength to carry on next week!

Refreshing to hear a couple of you are on 2nd round of adoption road, very positive for the rest of us. 

Hubby and I are attending prep group day one and two, tomorrow and Weds. I hear most people wear jeans and smart/casual wear, any tips, advice, personal experience for the beginning of prep course? 

x x


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Oh Babas big   I know how your feeling, its so disheartening, we have a dog and have been asked many times are we prepared to rehome him if they requested, he's my absolute baby and you'll all think Im heartless but I said I would if they could provide factual evidence as to why 'my' dog has to go, fortunately this and a couple of stair gates seems to have quashed their concerns, I also got a letter from the vet giving him a character reference, my choice but wanted to do everything to back him staying, and yes he too isn't allowed upstairs now but he's adjusted brilliantly so its worked out well really.

I keep getting told I'm very anxious, had a couple of times at work with stress etc that was purely due to the fact that they abuse us workload wise and its mentally draining, yet she's worrying slightly that Im OTT, whereas in reality if someone asks something of me I generally like to do it to my best ability and as soon as I can, moreso so that I can forget about it and get on, I don't see that as a downside at all, she is understanding this and been great but its hard when you feel you have to explain yourself when all you want to do is please them... don't give up hope, prove to them you can and will do this, they won't be in your life forever, xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Just to add its so frustrating how each area works differently, fortunately for us we haven't been requested half of the stuff others have, it should be one rule and route regardless of where you live.


----------



## do dreams come true

hi haven't posted for a while but i've found this whole home study very stressful and had just about given up at times. But here we are last visit on Thursday and still on track for 10th April panel.

I agree with everyone about how much they go into detail its very stressful and frustrating at times. The things they want to know about your past makes you think why are they asking.

The most thing that has bugged me is our sw asking us not to ask the lo's sw to take their shoes off when they come to visit once we are matched. Provided we get approved this is. We have a new carpet and just thought if anything it would show we are house proud and are tidy people. I can see where sw is coming from they may think if we are like this over a carpet what are we going to be like with a lo, but it would be different with a child we would understand. I was always brought up to take shoes off.

Anyway rant over  

sorry no personals


----------



## 2708belle

Hi everyone,

lovely to hear lots of you are going to panel soon 

Waiting and Babas - I could have written your posts! I had another 3 hr SW visit last Friday and was seriously left feeling like I might not make it through. Hubby was at work and has got off lightly really, as it's me the SW is worried about  I basically had a tough childhood but I think I've turned out ok! I have a lovely hubby, I work with children and families and have a good support network. On paper though (although everything is very historical) they have made the judgement that I need extra assessments. That basically means repeating the same information I told our SW months ago when we first met her. We were put on hold for a few months due to this. We offered to do some training or counselling but SW said no need, so we were delayed for nothing  

SW keeps going on about how 'anxious' I am. When I try to explain that I'm actually not, she tries to shush me and says she doesn't want me to worry! Arrghhh!

Weird question of the week: SW: Do you have a sense of humour? Me: Erm, yes, we do have a laugh together. SW: Well, you shouldn't. Damaged children find that very confusing. Erm, okaaaay...

I have just found this whole process very judgemental and the sweeping statements that our SW keeps making about us and adopted children as a whole, quite odd. Whatever happened to non-discriminatory practise? Yes, they need to make sure that potential adopters are safe, but boy do they make it hard for decent, loving people to have a family  

Anyway, just thought I'd add that you're not on your own in finding this whole thing a bit pants.

xxx


----------



## do dreams come true

just wanted add sw keeps mentioning the age gap between me and DF and the fact panel may bring it up. Even though we've been together 19 year


----------



## do dreams come true

babas yeah we get "its not all going to be fairy tales and laughter" i've worked in education for 16 years and sw keeps saying "it's going to be nothing like that you know" grrr


----------



## 2708belle

Yep, same! 

Well, I've apparently 'jumped from relationship to relationship' because I had 3 long term boyfriends over the last 18 years. With sensible gaps in between...no one night stands...just sensible long term things. Makes me wish I had had a few flings now!   

Ahh well, selfishly it is nice to know it's not just us having a weird time of it. But I hope all goes well for everyone and it all gets a little less crazy soon. 

Night night xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

babas said:


> Waiting patiently we had the boys see by a behaviourist and a trainer, have gates everywhere (every room and stairs), dogs go to work with OH etc.
> 
> It's a nightmare. She thinks I'm over organised and will struggle with a little one causing mess and be unable to plan! It's not even the truth. Oh and we're lazy as we don't have many hobbies.


Oh thats unfair and like you say derogatory, Im the same with the anxious thing as when my sw asks for things I get them to her straight away.... lol, surely everyone would be the same in our position if the have the info ready to supply, why would I hold back when I want to aid the process in every way I can?!?!? very strange that some sw expect us to be able to just sit back and take it all in our stride when to us this is everything of course, like said I think we've been lucky and although had a niggle moan about sw here and there generally she's been lovely and supportive, just hard to read sometimes 

I hope you can stay strong and keep going, think of your future lo waiting out there for you 

p.s don't know how to do this quote thing... not sure it'll work properly


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Yay it did work


----------



## Waiting_patiently

2708belle said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> lovely to hear lots of you are going to panel soon
> 
> Waiting and Babas - I could have written your posts! I had another 3 hr SW visit last Friday and was seriously left feeling like I might not make it through. Hubby was at work and has got off lightly really, as it's me the SW is worried about  I basically had a tough childhood but I think I've turned out ok! I have a lovely hubby, I work with children and families and have a good support network. On paper though (although everything is very historical) they have made the judgement that I need extra assessments. That basically means repeating the same information I told our SW months ago when we first met her. We were put on hold for a few months due to this. We offered to do some training or counselling but SW said no need, so we were delayed for nothing
> 
> SW keeps going on about how 'anxious' I am. When I try to explain that I'm actually not, she tries to shush me and says she doesn't want me to worry! Arrghhh!
> 
> Weird question of the week: SW: Do you have a sense of humour? Me: Erm, yes, we do have a laugh together. SW: Well, you shouldn't. Damaged children find that very confusing. Erm, okaaaay...
> 
> I have just found this whole process very judgemental and the sweeping statements that our SW keeps making about us and adopted children as a whole, quite odd. Whatever happened to non-discriminatory practise? Yes, they need to make sure that potential adopters are safe, but boy do they make it hard for decent, loving people to have a family
> 
> Anyway, just thought I'd add that you're not on your own in finding this whole thing a bit pants.
> 
> xxx


Crazy stuff isn't it, fortunately mine has said I have no need to be anxious as I have everything going for me, Im adopted, traced my birth family, bucket loads of childcare experience with all areas of needs etc, like said I told her Im not anxious I just aim to please and do my best with whats asked of me, Im fully aware life isn't perfect, if it was then we wouldn't have to try so hard and wouldn't be going through all of this. I had to  when she commented on how many books Id read and research Id done yet, frantically due to the fact that sw has constantly asked us all along are we reading lots etc now been told Ive read too much and why am I worrying about it, jees you can't win sometimes! lol


----------



## Waiting_patiently

its a complete mind game isn't it, Im sure its actually all just part of the test along the way to see if we lose the plot or not    ... therefore lets show them we're made of stronger stuff and do this to get our


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Anyone know how many posts it is before I become a full member ?? just out of curiosity!


----------



## Loopylou29

babas said:


> Not to mention the fact she makes out the devil will be coming to live with us because only adopted children are naughty and hard work!


I know this is just a tongue in cheek comment but make sure you don't say it to your sw. Some sw don't like these terms being used with adopted children. We had a potential link before being matched and received negative feedback for normalising behaviour.

In terms of being naughty and hardwork then yes all children can and are like this. Some adopted children take it to a different level though and quite often the behaviour is only noticeable to the parents. Wyxies diary is a good one to read. Tbh if a sw wasn't giving you worst case scenario I'd be more concerned. Adoption is hard, you question things that with a bc you wouldn't think about. It's still the best thing we've done and I wouldn't change it.


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Loopylou29 said:


> babas said:
> 
> 
> 
> Not to mention the fact she makes out the devil will be coming to live with us because only adopted children are naughty and hard work!
> 
> 
> 
> I know this is just a tongue in cheek comment but make sure you don't say it to your sw. Some sw don't like these terms being used with adopted children. We had a potential link before being matched and received negative feedback for normalising behaviour.
> 
> In terms of being naughty and hardwork then yes all children can and are like this. Some adopted children take it to a different level though and quite often the behaviour is only noticeable to the parents. Wyxies diary is a good one to read. Tbh if a sw wasn't giving you worst case scenario I'd be more concerned. Adoption is hard, you question things that with a bc you wouldn't think about. It's still the best thing we've done and I wouldn't change it.
Click to expand...

Exactly Loopyloy29, you just have to walk the line along the process, and try to filter out the factual things we will want and need to know down the line, my parents always tell me even now @ 40 that they'd give me back if they could  but the market I thought they got me from is no longer there!


----------



## Barbados Girl

Crumbs, dudes, your social workers sound quite tough. The whole time I have waited for something wrong with ours but we have been very lucky (touch wood, haven't seen the PAR  yet). Good luck, am sure you will get through it xxx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Barbados Girl said:


> Crumbs, dudes, your social workers sound quite tough. The whole time I have waited for something wrong with ours but we have been very lucky (touch wood, haven't seen the PAR yet). Good luck, am sure you will get through it xxx


Ours isn't tough, she's been lovely really, its more the understanding the process and conflicting info and requirements I think sometimes, all in all we've been lucky and I can honestly say we're glad we have the one we have


----------



## mafergal

Wow, reading the last 3 pages of posts all your HS sound awful. I feel we have got off lightly. Our SW has never spoken to us like that & we have honestly enjoyed HS. Like Barbados girl we haven't seen our PAR yet but we have been told there is nothing to worry about. Maybe you are right & it's a test of resilience, or the old knock you down & build you up technique? No idea why but is doesn't make sense to me. It never does when I hear how negative some SW's are to their prospective adopters.

Also can't believe the differences about the fire safety check. We just need to show on the pre-placement risk assessment that we have working smoke alarms & suitable exit windows. I really cant believe some of the hoops you have had to jump through & again how different agencies have such different requirements with things. 

We have a dog, we explained his charachter & temperament, filled in the pet questionnaire, explained the training he's had etc. Yes there was the re-homing question. I said if it came to it I would re-home him through the breeder (would be a last resort!) He is crate trained so has his own room & space where most importantly he can get away from a child if he needs to. We don't let him up stairs but he has free run everywhere else & our SW is happy with that. A SW's personal opinion of pets shouldn't mean they can impose rules on your pets in your home, as long as they are safe/supervised. 

Pet issues is  something that really worried me when we started out on this journey & I'm so thankful we have a SW who lives in the real world & is realistic. Wish everyone had that experience!

I hope everyone has a positive HS this week (those of you who have them).

Disney, how did it go yesterday?

Sorry no other personals, I've ran out of time  

Take care everyone, have a good day! x


----------



## babas

I think we have decided to take some time out from everything. I'm not finding it easy hearing people tell me I'm normalising adoptive childrens behaviour. I'm doing no such thing but when I'm told I'll have children climbing all over my furniture as that's what adopted children do I think no that's what all children do! 

It's lovely others are being referred to as the perfect candidates but for us we have no idea what went wrong in the space of a week. Hopefully we will be back with good news in a few months time.


----------



## MummyPhinie

Babas I really feel for you, sending big hugs. and 2708belle I really see where you are coming from we seem fairly similar! 
I was talking to a work client yesterday who is adopting and we both agreed that the process can be horrific, especially when they talk about adopted children issues and she was feeling really low too. But on the positive side I told her, I am adopted (at 7) and I turned out ok and had a very good relationship with my parents. 
But the HS 1:1 seemed to focus far more on my birth history and the neglect and abuse I suffered and the eventual death of my adopted mother more than the really really positive stuff. I felt so exhausted after that. I feel that my sw did handle it sensitively. But with time to reflect I see why she delved, 1. Because it actually drew out some positives on how I could support an adopted child through my own experiences, 2. To see that I am not negatively affected by my history and this to rear is ugly head after placement. I am completing some of the par questions myself so I get chance to put my words over in my own way, which I'm hoping will help ( especially to irradiate a few clangers I dropped in the conversation as was under pressure to give "honest answers"!!
I'm seeing all this as purely a tick list and hoops to jump through to get to my ultimate goal of having my family. Last HS is today and I am pretty relieved, although this one is going to be really tough as it's the matching one, and I know we are seeing more profiles.
Sorry I can't write more but am already late for work!!!will read and write more later !!


----------



## Loopylou29

We've adopted twice, ds1 came along and just as we thought we'd got rid of ss a sibling came along. We've spoken to lots of sw, some good and some not so good but all with the best interests of the child at heart.
Being approved as an adopter is tough, you are asked questions and share your personal life history with strangers. No one can fully understand how intrusive it is until your in the process.

Babas, no one thinks you are normalising behaviour, that was our experience and something we learnt not to do again. I will say again though parenting adopted children is different to a bc. Our ds1 presents as fairly straightforward and most of the time he is. However his behaviour can become erratic and he can struggle to express himself. If people meet him once they would describe him as 'normal'. However people who see him on a regular basis would describe him as  excitable and hyper. We have become pretty good at heading off his hyperness but it can be exhausting. We thought this behaviour was due to settling with us and all the changes he has faced but it isn't. Drawing that line between what is deemed 'normal' and what isn't can be difficult as the differences can be subtle.


----------



## crazyspaniel

Hi everyone  
Been reading all your experiences  
I do think sw 'test' prospective adopters, maybe playing devils advocate to see how you respond? We all know this s a tough process, it sometimes becomes even tougher when LO finally home  
I think sw wants to know you won't give up when hurdles present themselves....
Once Los are home you may end up with all sorts of professionals in your home, their job is to ensure Los needs are being met and if doing that means you will be criticised, patronised etc they won't stop!  

I hope no one thinks I'm being patronising   but I hate to hear potential adopters talking about giving up or becoming disheartened... Keep your eyes on the prize xxx

Good luck to you all!!


----------



## Jacks girl

Hey all just popped onto say hugs to those of you experiencing a tough time of it. I do think the process is about testing our metal as it is a tough but rewarding job being a parent, especially an adoptive parent. We haven't adopted yet but are fortunate enough to be friends with adopters and have friends who have been adopted. 

Without sticking my two penneth in I can say with my "other" head on that children can present behaviours which are 'normal' for kids, some is the need, some is their history etc it's just deciding which it is so it think all comments are therefore valid. That's just my obs after working with all different children over the years in some tough areas. I echo the sentiments though don't give up. This process will build you up don't let it knock you down.  

As for us our panel isn't till mid April. So we are in limbo land reading and decorating! We have our little projects to keep us amused. We are practicing the art of waiting lol! Sorry no personals as on phone. 
Good luck to those who are second time rounders and to all the newbies on the thread. Hugs to my fellow limbo land ladies. Warmest wishes to all xx


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Hope everyone's feeling more positive today, reading the past few pages makes me feel sad. There's thousands of children awaiting adoption and hearing some of u having a hard time when all u want is a loving family of ur own, makes me sad and quite angry. I do agree with what some of u have said already, maybe they're being this way to test u, I don't know

Anyway so glad we have this site, so we can let off steam, so keep ranting  . 

Babas - I hope you have thought it through and do come back stronger than ever and you get there, I just hope they don't hold the break against u when u come back as the agency ur with sound like they might 

Disney Rocks - Hope ur meeting went well yesterday, hope u knocked their socks off with ur weight loss too.

Watakerfuffle and Live in hope - ding ding! round 2, some of us may think ur mad lol

Tinkerbell80- Hopefully everything's going more ur way and all concerns rectified and I hope ur move goes smoothly and quickly.

Mafergal - I was brought up to take my shoes off, haven't asked our sw to, as I thought she may think I cant cope with mess too lol

Lorella and Ruthie82 - Don't worry about ur prep course, ours was really relaxed, with plenty of breaks, as u said where comfortable clothes likes jeans as some of the exercises we did were done on the floor.
You should be provided with everything you need, try to volunteer when you can and try and stay in touch with someone on your course, we tried but regret not getting a couples details as it would of been nice to have contact with someone using ur agency.

Hi to everyone else, really cant do personals for everyone but I have updated the panel board   Obviously update me of changes or corrections and again sorry if I've missed anyone out.

Waiting patiently - seriously don't know where I got March from lol wish it had of been March for u 

This Month (March)

Barbados Girl- 23/3?
Disney rocks - End of March
Hunnibunni- 26/3
Jacks Girl- TBC
Twinkletoes13- End of March

April

Babas- 25/4
Dawn7 (me and DH) - 17/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Millie - 7/4
Phinie35- 23/4
The Spouses- TBC
Waiting Patiently - 4/4

May

Caroline S - TBC
Treaco- 12/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC

June

KimmiB - TBC

July

Arrows
2708Belle- 8/7

Unsure or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella


Take care for now xxx


----------



## Ruthie82

Sorry to hear several of you are having a tough time at the moment, I hope the storm passes. This is a very emotional journey, definitely good to have a wide support network inc FF friends

Our day went quite well today, very interesting. Met some lovely people.

I asked my line manager in confidence if she would do my work ref some time ago and she said she would. 
MIL (who is also head teacher at the school I work in) has insisted she should do my work reference, says its protocol. Which is absolute nonsense, apparently protocol in every school...again nonsense. She has not been the kindest of people the past year but this has just about been the last straw!

Sorry for rant.

Love to all x x


----------



## babas

Well today we were told they had lost some of our documents and asked to fill them in again. Only about the 5th time it's happened. They have also forgotten our work references! We finish home study on Thursday so get a natural break then in any event so will get that done and have a couple of weeks out. Fire brigade took pity on me and are coming out at the weekend.


----------



## Freedo

Hi all, I hope you don't mind me joining you, I am not new to ff but new to this section of it. I am 39( almost 40!) DH is 40 and I have had 3 negative cycles, icsi, 1st one 1 egg zero fert, 2nd, 3 eggs, 1 fert but didn't survive it transfer, 3rd, 3 eggs, 1 transferred but bled before test day, I have severe endo and can't put myself through any more tax, physically and mentally.  I never wanted to consider adoption until I had to, which now really I do! DH didn't even want to consider or talk about until recently, when he agreed to read a pack which he did,  I work for a LA and walk passed adoption office every day which is hard! Last week I was in the loo and one of the SW I know so plucked up the courage to ask a few things! , I am still not 100% but she said that is perfectly natural! I have a lot of fears/uncertainty about having to have contact with BF, having LO then being contested, would I love it as I should ( which I know I would but everything running through mind!!) , does this seem normal But on the other hand I know we would make such good parents we have nice home, financially stable and lots of love. Well the sw I spoke to is com g to speak to us next Tuesday after work to talk to us about everything, which is a start! 

Sorry for rambling and I hope you don't mind me joining!  Xxxx


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well not much to report here other than new LA contacted us for some clarification on why the process ended with the last LA, so I clarified and we are waiting for their response. 
House wise we are waiting to hear back about mortgage and we will be renovating my FIL's house, I am looking forward to moving now as I am ready to move.

Baba's hope you are feeling better about the whole thing soon x

It does seem like there is a breed of Social Workers that are a law unto themselves and they are determined to make this process so hard, but then some people watch programs like Call the Midwife and think it is how things are done.

Tinks


----------



## MummyPhinie

Well that's it my HS is finished  
Think session yesterday went well, saw some more profiles and started whittling down to what we feel we can manage, although they made the previous link we had seen seem more and more positive.
Just got our work on par to do, then the activity day in 2 weeks which I am getting quite excited about.
Feeling more and more real each time, our sw was really positive with us yesterday and even though it's been heavy going I feel like she has got to know us well, let's see when we get the PAR!!!
Will be joining you all in limbo land that it the wait for panel. Trying to fill it with stuff to keep me occupied and stop me going


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi All,

I hope you don't mind me jumping in but there was a couple of things that jumped out at me and now being on the other side I can understand so I thought I would share in case it gives you this insight and helps you in anyway.

Sorry for those that are having a tough time during HS. Ours was relatively ok but there were some tough conversations and times where I really felt we were being tricked and DH got a grilling as he was being too "work/business" like. But we got through and with flying colours at panel so sometimes your SW is just being the tough parent to ensure you have an easier run at panel.

I agree wholeheartedly with LoopyLou - Adoptions is one of the hardest but most rewarding and exciting things I have ever done.  My boy is my world but he does have quirks and behaviours that could be classed as normal but there tends to be an underlying reason. 

Quote "I think we have decided to take some time out from everything. I'm not finding it easy hearing people tell me I'm normalising adoptive childrens behaviour. I'm doing no such thing but when I'm told I'll have children climbing all over my furniture as that's what adopted children do I think no that's what all children do!"

I was taken aside by my LBs nursery support worker last week as "he had been a bit naughty today, climbing on the tables/benches and refusing to come down and shouting at the other nursery staff". It just doesn't seem normal for LB so I've kept him close to me for the next hour or so and he seems to have settled a bit better and now listening".
I have went at lengths to train the nursery and have a great team looking of for LB but even they know when he goes into these behaviours its just on a different level/intensity (and very manageable btw). Like LL, we tend to cut things off early and have a high degree of vigilance to keep his environment calm and good that helps him manage and be the normally cheeky rascal that's completely "normal".

I'm not saying this to frighten/patronise but this example may help you answer things in SW speak that some behaviours may very well be normal but you would wish to look past this and see if its normal for your child and seek help when you think its not.

Hope this helps and good luck it is so so worth it in the end but it can feel like a marathon ;-D x x


----------



## DRocks

Hi all

Sorry for lack of personals, but wishing you all a good week x x
It's just under two weeks until we go back to panel and I'm starting to feel a little less panicked about it. What will be will be is my motto for today but I'm sure that will change lol.
So everything that has been asked of us has been done and all my blood tests eventually came back normal.
Now the waiting game begins again and I can only pray for a good outcome   As it can't be deferred again and can only be yes or no.


----------



## thespouses

Well I heard from the administrator at the VA that all the paperwork is back with her, except that she does not know if our SW has done the final referee interview. So all we have to do now is wait for our PAR and cross our fingers that it will actually go to panel in (very very early) April!


----------



## thespouses

Hooray! PAR is going to be with us today or tomorrow for our perusal - which means we are on for panel, I'm assuming, for early April!

Things are NOT going well with the overseas end of things to be frank but we are just trying to hold our nerve and not give up.


----------



## thespouses

Got it! Almost all of it is correct, just a few minor errors, mainly typos to be honest. 1st of April here we come...


----------



## mafergal

Nice one thespouses!   

Babas, that level of incompetence is not something you should have to put up with! That's appalling! I hope your last HS is a positive one & that you have a nice revitalising break on e it's done.

Welcome to limbo land Phinie  

Disney, sending you masses of luck for your panel x

Hi Dawn, well done with the list. It's nice to see at a glance where people are with panels. Hope you are surviving limbo land ok  

Jacks girl, how are you getting on with your little projects? I've had a few days off this week so have been digging out old flower beds & making timber frames to smarten them up. Also decided to make a start emptying the pond. It's now down to about 10cm deep & no exaggeration there are about 8 pairs of mating frogs/toads in there as well as frog spawn... no idea what I'm going to do with that!  

I went on an attachment & trauma course yesterday. Very useful & helped my understanding of why infants who won't necessarily remember their BF may still have attachment issues etc. 

As always I hope everyone else is well x


----------



## thespouses

I'm assuming the spawn will hatch, and then the frogs would take themselves off if there was no water? so wait to completely empty it till the spawn has hatched?


----------



## babas

This session was marginally better and the dogs were angels!

She's forgotten to give us all the stuff so we're having an extra session next week but only about matching and she needs a paragraph on our child care experience but I had next session booked off work anyway. 

She did say the courts are now not putting children straight for adoption at the moment and that's meaning massive waits for children which I'm slightly mift about as we had been told it would be quick!


----------



## Dawn7

Hi Everyone,

Our sw came round tonight, didn't have our PAR but she didn't make any promises. Just came round to ask a few more questions and to see if we had any questions in general.

Asked if we had any worries, my only worry apart from getting a no, is that I'll be really nervous and waffle on with my answers when being questions, or the complete opposite, going really quiet lol

Also Im seriously emotional and she asked what it would mean to us if we got accepted, I got very tearful, as like us all, we all want to be mums and a complete family. 

I really feel that our sw knows us, I didn't think 8 weeks would be enough but hopefully it has been. She's going to email our PAR once completed   

As most of us are in limbo land, I hope ur all keeping busy like me  

Sorry for no personals although not long till Barbados girl and Disney rocks go to panel - exciting times!!!

xxx


----------



## DRocks

12 sleeps  
Part of me wants it here and over, part of me never wants it to come. I'm so so so scared we will get a No! There is no go away and come back this time. Our social worker called today, I understand he doesn't want to get our hopes up like last time but telling me "at least you would have a clear path to the review mechanism" doesn't fill me with happy bubbles.
We found out who our social worker will be after panel, I'm try to say to myself that if they didn't think we would get through they wouldn't have found us someone new.
Please don't anyone worry they will have a journey like us, we are the minority and you will all be just fine x x x


----------



## becs40

Ah Disney, wish it were over for you, having the panel hanging over your head must be so hard. I'm very new to the adoption threads but even I can see the sheer determination and effort that you have put in. It's so easy to have a tantrum and throw in the towel when the going gets tough but you've come through it more determined than ever and surely that's exactly what they want from adopters.  Wishing all the luck and a speedy few days for you.


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hey everyone. Hope you're all well. Yesterday was our final SW visit for the assessment. In total it took 5 months, 12 visits, around 45 hours of talking, LOTS of homework, reading, soul searching, loss of sleep and many mixed emotions. Our final meeting was rather draining with SW and her TL - in fact I would say I was grilled but I think it's due to my career rather than anything else. We now sit tight for a few weeks and await a copy of our report - I imagine that will be an interesting read. Panel date is still a little unclear but we're aiming for May. Then the real wait will begin... 

Our disclosures also arrived today and I felt myself getting emotional. There it was in black and white - ADOPTIVE PARENT! Wow xx


----------



## Arrows

Hiya all, 
Had our visit today and signed our contract. We are going for a June panel now. 3 visits, followed by one last one to check updated PAR and profile and  that'll be us done.
There was even mention of a potential child already too so fingers crossed.


----------



## liveinhope

Wow great news Arrows!!


----------



## 2708belle

Hey everyone,

Sorry no personals...just too tired tonight!  

Hope everyone has had a better week. Thank you for sharing all the advice and info, it really is great to come on here and chat to people who really know what this is like! 

Have a great weekend xx


----------



## somedaysoon

Hi everyone,

I don't post here very often,  but have been keeping an eye on how you're all getting on. We are going to panel mid April and getting through the last part of our home studies at the minute. I'm quite tired at the minute, as we are having sessions every week and quite a lot of homework. We have our last two interviews coming up, then a 2nd opinion interview with our sw and her boss! It's all go. Some of my work colleagues starting to make comments about me being off too which is a bit nasty. It's been hard to juggle everything with work. Adoption dreams, I can definitely relate to what you are saying!

Disney, it must be tough waiting, but hang on in there! You've made it this far. Really hoping it's a unanimous yes.

Sorry about the lack of many personals. There's just way too many people on here to keep track of. Wishing you all the very best though x


----------



## DRocks

thanks for the support it means so much  
9 sleeps


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Hope ur all having a nice weekend  I've been working boo! working later too.

Disney - 9 more sleeps, you'll be there in no time and I have my fingers and toes crossed for u

Just updated the panel board, again any updates just let me know 

This Month (March)

Barbados Girl- 23/3?
Disney rocks - End of March
Hunnibunni- 26/3
Jacks Girl- TBC
Twinkletoes13- End of March

April

Babas- 25/4
Dawn7 (me and DH) - 17/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Millie - 7/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
The Spouses- TBC
Waiting Patiently - 4/4

May

Caroline S - TBC
Treaco- 12/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC

June

Arrows- TBC
KimmiB - TBC

July

Arrows
2708Belle- 8/7

Unsure or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella


Bye for now xx


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Can I be added to May pease x


----------



## GoofyGirl

Hi everyone

Can I be added to June please Dawn? Provisional date of June 16th 

Exciting stuff Adoption Dreams!! 

GG x


----------



## liveinhope

we have been told July panel if you can add us to the list please.....


----------



## Arrows

Feeling pretty excited still about being on this journey again. So much easier this time around as only an update rather than a full interrogation!

Lots of children around LO at the mo are gaining siblings and we want to introduce the concept of us getting another but hard to get a 2yr old to understand timescale! I was holding a friend's LO today and DS kept saying 'My Mummy! No baby's Mummy. Where MY baby?!' Very jealous of both Daddy and Mummy at the moment, bless him. I told him 'No that's XXX's baby. Your baby hasn't arrived yet.' We're currently reading The Teasle's Baby Bunny book to help. In it, the Teasle's have to wait for Mr McBadger to bring them a new baby bunny that they'll be just right for.

How's everyone else doing?


----------



## liveinhope

Just ordered that book for DS, thanks Arrows!


----------



## Arrows

You're welcome LIH. It got a real focus on the parents not the bunny and presenting a very young bunny needing a cot so not ideal for an older child put up for adoption but just right for 2nd very young one I think.
DS has now decided that 6-6.30am is getting up time. I am not so impressed. Morning should not start before 7am imo!


----------



## 2708belle

Sounds like there are some very exciting times ahead for everybody!  

Disney - good luck with panel! 

Am a bit confused by 'home study' we are starting our part 2 training tomorrow, with more next week. We haven't been given any homework to do - just been told to read the Attachment Parenting book by Dan Hughes. Maybe they'll tell us at the course? Seeing SW on Friday, so I'll ask then.

I must say, this process has been tougher than I thought. But really, I'm glad our SW has been tough on us, as I think I was quite naïve about how deeply affected our children are going to be from their past experiences. Really interesting to read about normalising children's behaviour and how the behaviour can be similar, but on another level. Our SW has been telling me that for a while and I think that now I'm ready to listen and to accept this. I really feel like I'm learning such a lot. Very nerve-wracking, but exciting! 

Hope everyone is getting on ok on their journeys!


----------



## Arrows

Belle, homestudy is the old term for Stage 2. It's where they come into your home and chat about everything under the sun over a number of sessions. 
I'm just stuck in my old terminology!


----------



## 2708belle

Ahh, thanks Arrows! I had visions of lots of 'homework' being dished out to us last minute!!


----------



## babas

2708belle we have had loads of homework every week in stage 2/home study. We did our three days of prep training an reading in stage one. We never had a workbook though which everyone else seems to have had?


----------



## thespouses

We didn't have a workbook though we got some forms (chronology, significant persons, family tree) which were more formal than when we did this the 1st time round. But we didn't do prep this time as we'd done it before.


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Thanks for the updates, I've updated the board 

Can't believe we're coming to the end of March, definitely cant wait for the good news that's soon to be on here, we haven't had anyone go to panel for a few weeks. But looks like as of next week starting with Disney Rocks we should have updates through to July.

It's a month away for us (just over 4 weeks though) and I think I have my panel outfit lol I've bought some slim leg black pants and a mock top/cardi combo top from M&S and brand new court shoes. DH will look to wear grey cords and a shirt/jumper combo and black shoes. Hoping to look smart casual for the biggest outcome in our lives.

Has anyone else sorted their panel outfits out?

This Month (March)

Barbados Girl- 23/3?
Disney rocks - End of March
Hunnibunni- 26/3
Jacks Girl- TBC
Twinkletoes13- End of March

April

Babas- 25/4
Dawn7 (me and DH) - 17/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Millie - 7/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
The Spouses- TBC
Waiting Patiently - 4/4

May

Adoption Dreams-TBC
Caroline S - TBC
Treaco- 12/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC

June

Arrows- TBC
Goofygirl- 16/6
KimmiB - TBC

July

2708Belle- 8/7
Live In Hope- TBC


Unsure or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella

Sorry for no personals, but glad everyone's journey is moving forward 

xxx


----------



## DRocks

I'm wearing linen trousers and a pretty top, my outfit from last time no longer fits


----------



## babas

I have slim fit black trousers, a floaty cami and flowery 3/4 sleeve jacket. Not decided on shoes yet!


----------



## MummyPhinie

Not got that far yet, trying to work out what I'm wearing for activity day first!!


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Disney and Babas, ur outfits sound lovely and Disney that's amazing! with ur weight loss they're not going to recognise u  

Phinie whens ur activity day and is there a theme?

xx


----------



## MummyPhinie

This weekend and it's Disney! Seen a gorgeous spotty top that I might get as my sequined mini mouse ears are going to be in my bag!


----------



## babas

We've been told that they won't let us be considered for any matches until 2 weeks after panel. How are other people finding out about matches before panel?


----------



## Arrows

Babas, every agency does it differently. It takes 10-14 days after panel (both approval and matching) for decisions to be verified officially so it sounds like your agency are just being as by the book as anally possible!

When our SW visited with forms for us to sign last week, we talked a little about being happy to be considered for a child who's paperwork was currently going through so that we'd be able to go to panel as soon as the order was in place for them to be adopted. This is how we found out about a possibility for us but I must stress we know very little in the way of details and it's only because they know is so well from adopting our DS 18mths ago that they were this forthcoming! Last time it was around the 2wk mark post panel that we met to look at profiles last time and we were only shown Children Who Wait and Be My Parent mags before that to help us understand the types of details and help us get a feel for which types of children we were drawn towards -during which our SW stressed it was an exercise only!


----------



## babas

Yeah that's what she said but I think she's buying herself time!


----------



## liveinhope

We have our first meeting tomorrow and despite saying I didn't feel nervous second time around Im starting to get bit twitchy......!


----------



## Arrows

Fingers crossed LIH -our first proper one is on the 28th.


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi everyone I hope you are all well. Finally got my PAR and was really happy with what was written. Now waiting for panel itself next week which I'm starting to get nervous butterflies about already! Sorry I haven't been on much but I've been trying to keep busy during limbo land. Starting to paint LO's bedroom which is making it feel much more real now.

Sorry for no personals but I'm on my phone sat on the train as we speak but I want to say a big hello to everyone 

Xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Hi All, just a quick catch up while on lunch at work so no proper personals except for well done Disney your gonna smash it when you go back to panel!!

Babas were the same, our social worker has mentioned that there are some blues ready the same time we will be but wont entertain showing any profiles or anything until after approval on the 4th, probably make us wait for confirmation letter too  .

We too have our PAR now to read through while sw is on holiday this week, then to email back by end of week with any amendments, all is fab except a few factual errors which we shall correct, only 17 sleeps now for ours eeeek!

Weve not done anything either except buy a few books for potential lo that could be given away if it doesnt happen, not doing anything atall to the room until we've heard the yes! 

Are we strange for not doing this? I dont think DH & I could cope if we started doing those things without knowing for sure, It would drive me mad before actually going to panel.


----------



## DRocks

Thanks for all your positive vibes.......the loose bowel nerves have set in, 7 sleeps and counting!


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Hope ur all ok 

Glad ur PAR is good Hunnibunni, we should get ours very soon (I hope) and along with Disney rocks, I hope u both get ur big fat yes's next week   I'm sure u both will.
You are brave though Hunnibunni, I'm like awaiting patiently, wanting to hear that yes before changing anything, as we're looking to changing bedrooms and I'm superstitious lol I'd defo be tempting fate if I started doing anything haha

Phinie - Love that ur activity day is Disney themed and going as Minnie mouse is sweet, hope u have a good time and it isn't too emotional. I know people have mixed views but if 1 child and an adoptee can find their forever families, its worth it.
Don't forget to make lots of notes for us 

Babas - Our SW won't be looking to match us until after panel, but did say are we happy to start matching straight after panel and of course we said yes!

Live in hope - Hope ur meeting went well today

Right I better get on doing my homework (doing NVQ with work) , the things we do to keep busy lol

xx


----------



## liveinhope

Meeting went well - next 2 appointments sorted out. Slight change, Panel now in August but that's no big deal.  Its mainly because of placement of 2nd child alongside DS starting school in September. we wouldn't want to jeopardise either of our children's needs so happy to wait if that's whats agreed.....!


----------



## Arrows

Hiya everyone -I plan on being on chat this evening and will make an adoption room once on -be in about half an hour. x


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well we are now back on Stage one with a LA, and already I can see the glaringly obvious errors our last LA had, such as no work books, and poor organisation skills, all our referees have been contacted, we are booked on the prep day crbs done and sent. Our medicals are early next month.


----------



## DRocks

That's fab news Tink x x


----------



## mamu

That sounds so much better already! Good luck!


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi everyone

I'm hopeless at personals but want wish everyone luck with their journeys especially those with Panel soon.

We have progressed a bit more, our SW still has not completed our PAR ?? Not answering calls or emails. Our LA have asked her to return all our files and notes so they can asses our case but still no joy.

We had a meeting last week with the Manager and our new SW who was going to work with us after Panel with matching and it has now been decided to start from the beginning again ??!! Not overly impressed as it was a year ago we started home study but just want to get to Panel now ! 

They emailed us the workbooks so had a very busy week filling them all in luckily we had kept notes of dates so wasn't to bad and the SW came out on Tuesday here for three hours but covered loads of topics and coming out to see us again in two weeks but we are now hoping for Panel in May.

All our personal References got to be seen again and they are checking our file re work references, our DS had a reference from his school and we have both been married before so had references from our ex's as can't seem to locate them ??!!

At least they can't say we are not 100% committed to the Adoption process !! 

Beckyboo x


----------



## thespouses

We have just found out we're going to have a minor delay at the UK end and likely a major setback at the overseas end.  Very depressed about this - I need to update my other thread but really haven't got the mental energy for it, sorry about that guys.

Anyway panel is now the 22nd April but it's looking fine for that date.


----------



## Petite One

Sorry to hear about the delay thespouses.  

Can anyone tell me what questions are in the work books?


----------



## tinkerbell80

I have got questions about childhood our home life now, our lifestyle and hobbies. Also about if we had any significant loss


----------



## TillyT

Hi
Is anyone just a bout to start home study? We've just finished prep course and have our first home study session Monday, very excited, kind of nervous and wondering what will happen with the first session, how many visits on average will we have! Finally feeling like something is happening and perhaps even seeing a tiny weeny glimpse of light at the end of a very very long tunnel!   not looking forward to having to keep house immaculate for x amount of weeks!  

Best of luck to everyone on your journeys especially those embarking on workbooks and checks for stage, it can seem to go so slow but I think stage 2 will go much quicker!


----------



## Arrows

Tilly T, yes we start on Stage 2 on Friday next week although a bit quicker than most as this is our 2nd time around.


----------



## Hunibunni

Just got my time for panel next Wednesday. Seems very real now and don't think I'll be able to sleep the night before! A colleague of mine said something lovely and said to think of the panel as storks who are bringing your LO to you. How sweet! 

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend and good luck to everyone on whatever stage you're at. Sorry for no personals, it's a nightmare when I'm on the phone.

Xx


----------



## babas

Well we're done! Now in limbo land awaiting panel on the 25 April and have our  post pannel training on 10 May!


----------



## Hunibunni

Yay welcome to limbo land Babas  xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

We're all in limbo land! 2 weeks today...yay!

Disney what date are you must be nearly there aren't you?


----------



## DRocks

Yes it's Tuesday for us, can't tell you how scared we both are. If you don't hear from me again it's because we got a no and I will be to embarrassed to ever come back on here


----------



## babas

Disney you'll breeze it!!! As my great grannie would say 'I can feel it in my waters' xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

DisneyrocksH said:


> Yes it's Tuesday for us, can't tell you how scared we both are. If you don't hear from me again it's because we got a no and I will be to embarrassed to ever come back on here


That won't happen you've done brillianlty! 

Im excited for you eeeek xx


----------



## Hunibunni

Disney you will walk it hun. How can they ignore your determination! You've lost loads of weight and basically told them 'put that in your pipe and smoke it' lol 

I'll be thinking of you on Tuesday with everything crossed. It's turning out to be an exciting but nerve wracking week next week!

Xx


----------



## Dawn7

Hi Everyone,

Hope ur all well and coping in Limbo land, 17/4 can't come quick enough - I just want to know  

Tinkerbell80 - Great news! Glad ur back on your journey

Beckyboo - Sounds like ur having a complete nightmare! unfair that ur having to start again, but it gives ur new sw a chance to get to know u and write up the best PAR which u deserve. 

The Spouses - Sorry to hear about ur delay but glad u still heading for panel next month

Petite one and Tilly T- During homework and home study (home study was over 8 weeks), we talked about education a lot and happy and unhappy times at school and in our childhood in general. Also we discussed child care experience and also a lot about relationships with immediate family and support networks. Our last session we looked at children's profiles as a matching exercise and was very interesting and makes everything more real-scary!

Hunnibunni- how exciting! u have ur time slot, don't forget to try and remember the questions u were asked, for us all lol 

Disney - I agree with everyone, you'll be fine and will get that YES! 

HERE'S AN UPDATE ON PANEL DATES  

NEXT WEEK      GOOD LUCK!!!

DisneyRocks- TUESDAY 25/3
Hunnibunni- WEDNESDAY 26/3

This Month (March)

Barbados Girl- 23/3?
Jacks Girl- TBC
Twinkletoes13- End of March

April

Babas- 25/4
Dawn7 (me and DH) - 17/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Millie - 7/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
The Spouses- TBC
Waiting Patiently - 4/4

May

Caroline S - TBC
Treaco- 12/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC

June

Arrows- TBC
KimmiB - TBC

July

Arrows
2708Belle- 8/7

Aug

Live in Hope -TBC

Unsure or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella

Hope everything is upto date and correct, if not keep me posted

Bye for now xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Hey lovely ladies. Just a quick wee post. 
Our panel is 17th April. 
Disney yay huni  you go girl 
Babas glad to see you are back. Hugs xx
Mafergal heya hun  hope all is good with you! 
Hunnibuni and Disney fx for you all 
Beckyboo was sorry to hear you had to start over. Fx they will fly you through hun 
Hey Dawn hope you are well
Spouses sorry to hear about the delay xx
Arrows hi to you. 
Hallo to everyone else, sorry no more personals am on phone xxx


----------



## babas

Well we just brought a bigger family car so that was our last big purchase! The work to the house finished in two weeks so we're nearly there. Just have little ones room to sort out now!


----------



## tinkerbell80

It feels good to be back on this journey. I am so glad the S/W from the LA listened and agreed. Well plodding through the workbook and the weight loss... Finding this week a doddle as not that hungry have other distractions and flat out with organising paperwork and move on reports for mindees new settings. 

On another note slightly concerned about AD's since I have been on the copper coil. I am extremely heavy and I mean going thru super tampax and a towel that I am wearing a size 2 nappy to feel comfortable I also have a lot of pain before during and after AF.. Gp not worried or concerned says normal is it? Xx


----------



## babas

That doesn't sound right to me tinkerbelle!


----------



## Loopylou29

The copper coil can cause heavier AF especially when first fitted.
I've had the other coil which was great as AF stopped. I also had the implanon arm implant and again that was great. Don't think they do the implanon anymore, I'm think I read somewhere it was addifferent name.


----------



## tinkerbell80

Implant is now called Nexplanon,  I had that before copper coil and it made me evil. Copper coil has been in since Jan 28, period heavy last month but not as painful or flooding through


----------



## babas

Oh I know else I did....my first aid course. I did an NCT one with 6 breastfeeding couples and one pregnant lady. Had been told there was a real mix of people on them but that wasn't my experience. The trainer kept referring to me as a childminder! I have no idea why but I obviously stuck out like a sore thumb! I did tell them I was adopting and a couple of the couples were asking about it all which was nice and I got an NCT goodie bag with loads of info in!


----------



## Jacks girl

NEXT WEEK      GOOD LUCK!!!

DisneyRocks- TUESDAY 25/3
Hunnibunni- WEDNESDAY 26/3

This Month (March)

Barbados Girl- 23/3?
Twinkletoes13- End of March

April

Babas- 25/4
Dawn7 (me and DH) - 17/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Millie - 7/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
The Spouses- TBC
Waiting Patiently - 4/4
Jacks Girl- 17-4

May

Caroline S - TBC
Treaco- 12/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC

June

Arrows- TBC
KimmiB - TBC

July

Arrows
2708Belle- 8/7

Aug

Live in Hope -TBC

Unsure or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi Dawn

Hope you don't mind me updating list and adding our new panel date 

Hi to everyone else


----------



## Jacks girl

Tink - glad to see you back on the journey huni xx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Hey everyone, sorry for lack of individual replies. Things move quickly on this thread! Good luck to those with panel next week Hunni Bunni? Ours has been moved again, 30 April  no real communication about why.  I had a coil at one point: Vesuvius.

First aid course sounds good, Babas. Worthwhile?


----------



## babas

Yes Barbados girl £25 for a morning session covering CPR, fever, burns and cuts. It was through NCT and apparently goes down well with panel!


----------



## AdoptionDreams

I seem to have fallen off the list - I was in May xx


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well just finished work, am waiting until I have relaxed enough and tidied up as house looks like toys r us threw up! To do our workbook. I am also working out the logistics of my spare room ready for Friday, two travel cots and a ready bed as my friends kids are staying


----------



## Jacks girl

Updated again ladies

NEXT WEEK      GOOD LUCK!!!

DisneyRocks- TUESDAY 25/3
Hunnibunni- WEDNESDAY 26/3

This Month (March)


Twinkletoes13- End of March

April

Babas- 25/4
Dawn7 (me and DH) - 17/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Millie - 7/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
The Spouses- TBC
Waiting Patiently - 4/4
Jacks Girl- 17-4
Barbados Girl 30-04

May

Caroline S - TBC
Treaco- 12/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC
Adoption Dreams

June

Arrows- TBC
KimmiB - TBC

July

Arrows
2708Belle- 8/7

Aug

Live in Hope -TBC

Unsure or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well just finished work, am waiting until I have relaxed enough and tidied up as house looks like toys r us threw up! To do our workbook. I am also working out the logistics of my spare room ready for Friday, two travel cots and a ready bed as my friends kids are staying


----------



## Dawn7

Jacks Girl - Really don't mind at all u updating the panel list haha

Also we have the same panel date - seems so far away doesn't it  

Sorry for no more personals will speak to u all soon x


----------



## Dawn7

P.S. Sorry Adoption Dreams, that would of been my fault, jacks girl has put u back on  

Also I've noticed Arrows is on twice, im off work tomoz so will update then xx


----------



## Caroline S

Panel for us is 7th May.

Sorry for not posting in ages, we have finally finished home study, so now got loads of reading to do and our SW keeps texting asking for us to do more work/family statements, etc on stuff we haven't covered.

Will read back and catch up! x


----------



## Caroline S

Tink - glad you are moving on at last.

Good luck to those who are at panel this week! So exciting!

We should be getting our PAR back to read by the end of the month too.


----------



## Dawn7

Hi Everyone,

Hope u all had a nice weekend and keeping as busy as poss.

Disney Rocks and Hunnibunni - hope ur both well and feeling excited! and ready for those YES's  

BarbadoGirl and Twinkletoes - Are u both at panel this week too?

Caroline S- Bet ur relieved Home study is over   What reading are u doing?

Phinie - How did ur weekend go

With regards to us were still awaiting PAR and our sw still has 1 more referee to visit too, Still holding off on any decorating as I don't want to tempt fate lol

Here's the updated board, don't forget keep me updated

THIS WEEK      GOOD LUCK!!!

Disney Rocks- TUESDAY 25/3
Hunnibunni- WEDNESDAY 26/3


Barbados Girl- TBC
Twinkletoes13- TBC

April

Babas- 25/4
Dawn7 (me and DH) - 17/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Millie - 7/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
The Spouses- TBC
Waiting Patiently - 4/4


May

Caroline S - 7/5
Treaco- 12/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC

June

Arrows- TBC
KimmiB - TBC

July

2708Belle- 8/7

Aug

Live in Hope -TBC

Unsure or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella

Speak soon xx


----------



## MummyPhinie

Hi everyone,
Good luck for those that have panel this week sending lots of  

Thanks for asking dawn. Didn't post earlier as needed a time to digest as since I got back been a bit tearful tbh (bloody hormones don't help either), even welled up in tescos down the chocolate aisle! 

Day was overwhelming but in both bad and good ways, felt a bit tense and stressed at times as was so busy.
Our sw was there and a fsw who did our prep which was lovely. Although did feel watched a lot. However we saw our potential link which was exciting and they are adorable but we are in competition that is all I'm saying. Felt very uncomfortable tbh the entire day.  

On the plus side there were some fab kids and I am glad we both went with an open mind. Dh did well considering he felt both dragged and under pressure to go!! We saw 2 other groups who we liked, and I kind of fell in love with one. So we will see what happens now really.
I have struggled on coming back as to whether it was right or wrong at this stage to go really. A lot can happen in the next month. But I guess if we end up with our family from it then it's worthwhile, if we dont it will be chalked down to 'experience'.

Would like to say I thought the staff fromBAAF were fantastic. Really welcoming and helpful.

I am off now to my spa gym for a day of pampering that I have been waiting months to do, so booked in last Friday and I really feel I need it. Let's hope I don't start blubbering again!!


----------



## DRocks

I feel sick! I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this tomorrow my stomach is churning already and I can't see it stopping


----------



## Hunibunni

Disney I've been feeling sick for a week!!


----------



## DRocks

Hugs Huni you will be just fine x x x


----------



## Dawn7

Hey, it's me again

To help pass the time, I keep reading about past experiences on panel and also seeing how everyone's doing on this thread.

Phinie, seems like the activity day was a positive experience all in all, especially as u may of found a potential link, that's great! I would of been the same as I'm very emotional. Our sw won't look to start looking for links until we're approved, which for us I think is best.
Anyway enjoy ur spa day and we'll all look forward to hearing about how everything goes x

Disney, I'm not surprised ur stomach's churning, having to go through this twice.
Remember though so many people may of given up at this point, so obviously you and ur partner really really want this and if we can all see it on here, I hope they do too. Also u have ur tremendous weight loss to boot, losing weight isn't easy and u smashed the target they set u and u need to be so proud of urself. 
Big hugs for tomoz  

Hunni Bunni, not u too lol you'll be fine, so excited for u! less than 2 days to go!!!

xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Good Luck Disney and Hunnibunni show them how you roll and you'll rock this approval malarky   got get it!!

Looking forward to congratulating you both on your yes's! Im going to be pooping myself this time next week in the run up to ours, feels soooo close now so god knows how you two are feeling!  Will be   for you both xx


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, lots of updates on here since my last visit   I've been occupying myself whilst in limbo land and have ticked off a garden project on my list (decided to leave the pond filling until as late as possible to give the frogs and froglets a chance) and am now embarking on painting the house   Should keep me occupied for the next 3 weeks.  Next see our SW in just over a week when she will bring over our PAR  

Sorry your panel date was moved Barbados Girl, you are now the day after us.

Hi Jacks Girl, how are things? Good job I have things to occupy me, DW will be getting 'the call' soon as there will be visitors before the Easter hols - so she will be out of service until the hols lol.

Good luck for tomorrow Disney  

Sorry for lack of personals, hope everyone else is well x


----------



## Hunibunni

Good luck for today Disney x got everything crossed for you xxx


----------



## Hunibunni

Just had a call from sw my time has been brought forward slightly. Told her I felt sick! Haha

Xx


----------



## mafergal

Good luck for tomorrow Hunibunni! No point me saying not to be nervous because I know when it's my turn I will be a wreck  

Hope today is a really happy one Disney! Thinking of you  

x


----------



## Dawn7

Sorry this is a bit late but GOOD LUCK Disney xx

Mafergal, nice to hear ur leaving the pond for the frogs  lol seems like ur really keeping busy too 

xx


----------



## DRocks

It was a BIG FAT YES, we are approved finally


----------



## Waiting_patiently

DisneyrocksH said:


> It was a BIG FAT YES, we are approved finally


You smashed it well done!!


----------



## Lizard39

Woohoo      Fantastic news Disney. Hope you are celebrating this evening xx


----------



## Hunibunni

Fan-blummin-tastic Disney! Soooo chuffed to hear your news 

Xx


----------



## Loopylou29

Congratulations  .

As someone who was deferred I understand your relief.  I can also say that 2 adoptions down the line the deferral is a distant memory


----------



## Jacks girl

Disney huge congratulations hun woo hoo finally  well deserved! Lol Mafergal that sounds like me too. Good luck to DW am still recovering from our visit! We have painted our stairs and landing. Garden next. Hunnibunni fingers crossed for you tomorrow hun xxx


----------



## Dawn7

Yeah Disney! well done, u can breathe lol 

Congratulations, u deserve ur forever family xx


----------



## Dawn7

Another updated board

GOOD LUCK FOR TOMORROW HUNNIBUNNI  

Hunnibunni- WEDNESDAY 26/3

LAST WEEK IN MARCH

Barbados Girl- TBC
Twinkletoes13- TBC

APRIL

Babas- 25/4
Dawn7 (me and DH) - 17/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Millie - 7/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
The Spouses- TBC
Waiting Patiently - 4/4


MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Treaco- 12/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC

JUNE

Arrows- TBC
KimmiB - TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella

MUMMY TO BE 

Disney Rocks   

Hope everyone's ok xx


----------



## Lorella

Brilliant news! Congrats Disney! 😊x


----------



## GERTIE179

Just popped on to say huge congrats Disney x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing news Disney congratulations x x


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi everyone

I can actually see and feel the huge sighs of releif that I can imagine a few homes have had this past few days on here. Big major congrats. 

I'm wondering if I can join. 

Next home visit is meeting with DS
Fortnight later meeting with DH and me about telling the child about adoption, what if he/she doesn't want to go to contact? What do we do?
How can we manage internet and other social media in the adoptive child as he she grows older in terms of meeting up with undesirables from BF?

Then fortnight after that DH and I have meeting withSW and her boss for 2nd opinion meeting and then we get to read our report before it is submitted on first Wednesday in June. If all goes according to plan )
Does anyone have any ideas on the above questions we have to research?  Any help is appreciated. We are slightly worn out at this stage. 

Many thanks for reading 
Butterfly xx

I'm in Northern Ireland.


----------



## DRocks

Once again thanks ladies x x x
Wow it's so exciting to see my name in the mummy to be section x


----------



## Dawn7

Hey All,

Just popping on to say GOOD LUCK Hunnibunni  

Disney hope ur rocking a hang over lol 

xx


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi guys...well it's a yes for us!! So relieved! I nearly burst into tears 

Thank you all for your support and well wishes

I'm now going to celebrate with a big glass of rose... Cheers!!

Xx


----------



## DRocks

Bloody fabulous congrats congrats congrats x x x x x


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Fab news, congratulations!


----------



## Arrows

Fantastic news! Congratulations to Disneyrocks and Hunnibunni!!!


----------



## Beckyboo3

Congratulations ! Enjoy your glass of wine !! 

Beckyboo x


----------



## Dawn7

Congrats Hunnibunni, that's great news!

I have updated the board and think u or Disney rocks need to start a new thread so that once we all go to panel, we can still continue to watch everyone's journeys to getting their forever families.

Maybe call it approved and waiting for LO 2014 

Just an idea, anyway hope everyone's well think Barbados girl is next at panel along with Twinkletoes - good luck girlies!

LAST WEEK IN MARCH

Barbados Girl- TBC
Twinkletoes13- TBC

APRIL

Babas- 25/4
Dawn7 (me and DH) - 17/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Millie - 7/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
The Spouses- TBC
Waiting Patiently - 4/4


MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Treaco- 12/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC

JUNE

Arrows- TBC
KimmiB - TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella

MUMMY TO BE 

Disney Rocks   
Hunnibunni  

Don't forget to keep me posted on dates as I have lots of TBC's lol

xx


----------



## flickJ

Congrats to Hunnibunni and Disney      

Good luck to everyone


----------



## Butterfly06

Major congrats to those celebrating this week 
A glass of rose is the least you deserve. Enjoy every sip  

Also lots of luck for those still waiting and the knees a knocking with nerves. 
I love to hear of happy times )
Butterfly xx


----------



## tinkerbell80

Congratulations!!!! huni and Disney you are Mummies to be!!!! X

No updates here other than the house is sorted so just waiting for the Mortgage and the heating and the bathrooms to be done and the base of the kitchen such as sink, cooker, and dishwasher to be installed and thats the house ready to be moved into

We have medicals and prep next week. Workbooks are going slowly but getting there.

Congratulations again Disney and Huni x


----------



## babas

Massive congratulations hunni!! X


----------



## DRocks

I created a new thread, but it's gonna be a bit lonesome until some of you get your butts over there


----------



## MummyPhinie

Well done hunni   

Hopefully in a month I can join you Disney!!

Deadline for our homework this week and pretty much all done, hopefully get to see par next week as has to be submitted by the 8th.  Eek!


----------



## Lorella

Congrats Hunnibunni! Fab news! X

I wondered if anyone had any advice or experience with illness in the family?
My mother in law has sadly just been diagnosed with cancer and without wanting to come across as uncaring ( as this of course is terrible news for the family) I don't know if this would be a reason to defer us? X


----------



## Bunny888

Newbie.....found this thread while searching for some support/others in our position!

DH and I are almost complete and waiting to go to panel next month!!

Terrified!!!


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Lorrella, so sorry to read your sad news, no advice I'm afraid didn't want to read n run :-(

Welcome Bunny888 good lucky on your journey


----------



## Hunibunni

Thanks guys...still in a daze right now. 


Disney I'll pop over to your thread...don't want you to be Billy no mates!   


Xx


----------



## DRocks

Lorrella sorry to hear your news.
My dad has cancer but the doctors said old age will get him first and my partners sister has had cancer for 8 years that we can only but hope for a miracle cure for.
But it wasn't a big deal tbh an wasn't really brought up in our PAR or anything.

But as yours is mid journey I think they will want you to take time out to reflect possibly .(


----------



## Jacks girl

Huge congrats hunni bunni two pieces of fab news  xxx


----------



## Caroline S

Hunibunni and Disney - CONGRATULATIONS to you both!  Bet you must be so relieved! xx

Phinie35 - not sure I could go through an activity day, so well done for going to it, hope you have found it useful.

Lorella - sorry to hear about your MIL.  Not quite the same, but DH had a transplant a few years ago and the reality is not if, but when he gets ill and ends up in hospital, needs another transplant adn sadly, but realistically, it shortens his life.  We have discussed this at length with SW and they got a medical reference for him.  At the end of the day we are already parents and he is the stay at home dad, so this has not stopped us for going through adoption.  The sw will probably want to see that you have both already come to terms with this and what the future holds, probably depends on how close you are as a family, distance, would she be having direct contact with the adopted child, etc.  Just think about these things and go prepared with answers for the sw, if you show that you have thought everything through then it shouldn't hold you back.

Dawn7 - my sw gave us a book, can't quite remember the name, but 20 things an adopted child wished their adopted  parents have asked or knew, something like that. Also recommended to read the connected child.  I do find both books quite American in their use of language which makes me laugh abit.  Also having a 3 1/2 year old, the scenarios they play out make me laugh asking the child if they would like to do as I ask or would they prefer a compromise....can't see some of their techniques working on my LO, but I have picked up on a few good ideas/tips from both books, so worth while reading.

Hello to everyone else, just working a nightshift, so should really get some work done!


----------



## mafergal

Just popped on to say   to Disney and   to Hunibunni x


----------



## Lorella

Waiting patiently - thanks 😊
Disney - thanks for your advice and sorry to hear about your family illnesses x

Caroline - sorry to hear what your husband has gone through. How very difficult for you both. Thank you for the advice. I think you are right and we have talked openly and honestly about what this might mean for our future. Hopefully they will see that when they talk to us. We have our end of stage 1 interview on April 7th so I guess it will come up then and we will see. 
Xx


----------



## Caroline S

Lorella - I think being upfront on honest from the start is always a good way to go, they may want you both to go through some counselling to show that you can cope with it along with the adoption, but at least if they do you can do it now and you won't have a delay later on down the road.


----------



## Arrows

When we went through the process the first time we had repeated cancellations by our SW to the point we had to complain near the end, even though we really liked our SW. We made allowances because we knew we were her first case.
However, so far she has cancelled the first appointment, made the replacement one, and has now cancelled the 2nd! Given we're only having 4 visits I am really not impressed!
Grrrrrrrrr!


----------



## Lorella

Thanks Caroline. They have already earmarked me for a discussion on loss as I've 'been through a lot of it' apparently! I want to avoid going for counselling if I can as I really don't need it. We will have to see what they make of me! Thanks again 😊 xx


----------



## Caroline S

Lorella - don't worry about having been through a lot of loss, we have too.  DH lost a brother 18 years ago, he has had a number of health issues including loosing all his teeth, which she counted as another loss, IVF, the list goes on.  Luckily our SW and LA were fine with everything we have already done and didn't need to go any further with it.  Good luck! xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Morning everyone, Its the weekend..Yay! final countdown for us until panel on Friday now... I can't imagine how Barbados Girl & Twinkletoes13 must been feeling, I must admit I'm also kind of thinking Friday isn't 'it' as such as then we have to wait for the ratification letter for it to be 100% don't we, crikey its definitely the waiting game eh!

How's everyone else getting on? 

Phinie35 - did you get the homework all done and in?

Lorella - fingers crossed they go with the flow and realise you don't need extra time for counselling etc, I'm sure once you've had your discussion they'll see your both ok to continue.

Bunny888 - How far down the line are you, any dates for your panel?  

Arrows - the delays are constant aren't they, we've had panel delayed twice, now this week Im being over anxious by calling 9 days before next panel to confirm all was done and in, made me feel like rubbish if Im honest and has now tarnished our excitement in the run up and all because of lack of communication which surely is key at this prime time  

Caroline S - crikey sounds like your DH and you have had a time of it, at least your on your journey to a better place now to get your forever lo  

Dawn7 / Mafergal / Jacksgirl / Do dreams come true / Babas- how are you all getting on in limbo land? our turn will be here soon!!

Tinkerbell80 / Butterfly06 - how are you getting on ladies? all good for the move Tinkerbell?

Disney & Hunnibunni- I hope your still both up on cloud9 and getting profiles to look at now?? I'm so excited for you to be in that position now, hope to god its us this time next week  

Barbadosgirl & Twinkletoes13   for this week, go smash it!!! xx

Sorry if I've missed people, not easy to do personals with so many of us in and out of here...lol


----------



## DRocks

Oh yeah we are getting profiles, 15 of them yesterday


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Wow 15?   What are they like? any looking like a good match


----------



## twinkletoes13

Hi everyone!

I am so, so sorry for being AWOL for so long - we've been running about like headless chickens trying to get the house finished before our panel. Almost achieved it - just odds and sods to do, all the decorating and the replacing the bathroom. It's never ending building work!

So... We had our panel last week.... and we were APPROVED! Whoop! We haven't had the ratification letter yet, but the decision maker has spoken to our SW and has verbally ratified the decision so we're good to go! It feels so weird being able to say that!

Panel was so much less stressful that I thought it would be, but the feeling afterwards was much more like relief than excitement. I don't think it's fully sunk in yet!

We've got a meeting with our SW next week to go over the next steps, so hopefully we'll not have to wait too long for a match, although I am aware that so far we've had no delays, and no limbo land, so we've been incredibly lucky, I just hope our luck holds!

Anyway, obviously far too much has happened since I last posted so no personals, but it's lovely to see that everyone is moving along and we're now well and truly in the panel zone!

Good luck everyone regardless of what stage you're at, congratulations to everyone who's been approved - and I hope those in limbo land get released ASAP.  

P.S - a special congratulations to DisneyRocksH, after everything you went through, you really deserve your approval.


----------



## Dawn7

Hey Happy weekend everyone 

Also APRIL is upon us FINALLY! 

I'll start by saying a big congrats to Twinkletoes on approval, fab news! Like how you've said we're in the panel zone lol going to borrow that haha

Bunny888 - hi, I've added ur name to the panel board  Have u completed home study and in Limbo land with some of us?

Arrows - I think it's normal to have minimum contact with sw, I've heard so many ladies on hear saying the same and to be honest, whenever I email or ring my sw I don't hear back. She has apologised and I know she has another couple to look after, I do think its a shame really, as communication is really important and you'd think the more contact between adopters and sw's would be best and would get to build more of a relationship Never mind eh!

Lorrella - sorry to hear ur sad news, only u and partner know if u can cope or not. I agree with the previous advice and just be upfront and honest and you'll be fine.

Waiting Patiently - FRIDAY! How exciting, ur next whoop! have my fingerscrossed for u x

Disney - wow! 15 profiles already, do they all meet ur criteria? it is exciting though x

PANEL ZONE  

Barbados Girl - AWAITING UPDATE


APRIL (WHOOP) AND IN DATE ORDER

Waiting Patiently - 4/4
Millie - 7/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
Dawn7 (ME and DH) - 17/4
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC
The Spouses- TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Treaco- 12/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC

JUNE

Arrows- TBC
KimmiB - TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella

MUMMY TO BE 

Disney Rocks   
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13  

Bye for now xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all

Firstly congratulations to the lovely Twinkletoes  well done huni xxxx

Good luck to everyone whatever stage but eeek April is indeed upon us Dawn (we are a double whammy on 17th!)

Hope those of you going to April panels have seen your PAR or are about to. We hopefully see ours in the next fortnight! I know its being submitted to the agency manager around about now. 

Waiting patiently good luck for Thursday hun and good luck too Millie for yours the week after. 

We have booked a holiday for a few days after approval panel for whatever the outcome is lol. We are going last minute all inclusive so it should be fab! 

Wow Disney - see they have been waiting for you perhaps 

Caroline and Lorella sorry to hear about your losses and bad experiences - I know where you are coming from. My losses were regarded as good for preparing to adopt as we could empathises with a child. They are looking at how resilient you are and how you come back from it. Hugs to you both xxx

Lol Waiting patiently and my other fellow limbo landers - we are coping by looking forward to our holiday, I am also off to a certain comedy tour soon which is before approval, we are planning to create a dogs area in the garden by seperating it up with trellis in frames like fencing, so we have a child's only play area and a BBQ area in the garden so off to the local wood yard to price up posts and trellis soon. Hoping to drag DH there tomorrow. Got a little road trip planned with SIL next weekend so hoping to rope BIL into helping DH in the garden. Just going to bark it as its cheap and can be replaced easily. Planning to get out in the back garden tomorrow and start the big tidy and look at what needs weeding/replanting now the weather seems (touch wood) to have stabilised!  

Welcome to Bunnie888

Phinie I hope your PAR is great 

Sorry no more personals but huge hugs to all including you other April ladies   .

Jacks girl xx


----------



## babas

Getting ever so slightly worried here in limbo land! Our paperwork is due to be sent to panel next Friday but we have still not seen our PAR! Though I'll only start panicking if no word on Tuesday as that's when her boss is due to see it.

Otherwise life is busy. Getting the house ready for panel, bought a new car and checking my email every 5 minutes! 

Congrats to those who have been approved recently. Sorry for my rubbish reply...I'm on my phone!


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Those waiting for PAR I feel for you, we were given ours on the Friday, sw then had a weeks hols and we had to email any corrections by the following Monday, it had to be in on the Tues, then panel this friday so it had to be submitted to the panel 9 working days prior (and including) panel day, so actually we've not seen it since she's updated the corrections, hope to god its okay   xx


----------



## tinkerbell80

Not set for move, Dp having wobbles about moving and the house and his new medicals, our dr’s scales were very inaccurate and saying a Bmi of 48.8 yet ours and the hospitals scales make him heaver and a BMI of 51.4 he is still following the diet. I am trying to explain that because we are moving out of county it won't affect the adoption or moving in with family. Essentially we are protecting mikes dad from having to move out and we will be doing essential works. So we are moving there it is a bigger house more space and better for children. 
We have prep on weds and also medicals on Tuesday.


----------



## Lorella

Thanks Dawn, waiting patiently and Jacks girl 😊

Jacks girl - good luck with your garden renovations 🌿🌾

Congrats twinkletoes13! Fantastic news  

Just wanted to say good luck to those who have panel coming up in April. You're nearly there! Xxx


----------



## Caroline S

Congratulations Twinkletoes!


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, congratulations on your approval panel Twinkletoes! Love the 'panel zone' terminology   

Love the updates Dawn, nice to see everyone's progression. I hope everything is going well for you!

Babas, I hope you get to see your PAR soon. It seems the norm for all the paperwork to be completed last minute. I meet with our SW to receive our PAR on Wed. It was booked weeks ago so am keeping fingers crossed that it doesn't get cancelled. 

Everyone else awaiting PAR's I know how you feel! Can't wait to read ours.

Jacks girl, I'm with you on the keep v busy plan. I'm also gardening and by panel plan to have painted the house, garage & overhaul the front garden - weather permitting. Apr 29th still seems so far away though.

Just in case I don't get on again this week GOOD LUCK FOR PANEL ON FRI WAITING PATIENTLY! DW & I are fine thank you, limbo land has been & continues to be hard/dragging but I'm just throwing myself into other things. At least it's almost over for you, this side of panel any way  

Disney, so good to see things are happening since your panel. I hope you find your LO soon  

Thoughts are with you & your family Lorella. Whatever happens I hope it's right for you & DH. No advice other than do what you feel is right. Not the same but I lost my grandad during HS, I was gutted but explained how I felt with our SW face to face & between us we agreed there was no need to have any delay. 

Hello & welcome to the new faces who have joined since my last post  

A big hello to everyone else, not forgotten but our little board is so busy now it would take an age to post you all by name. I hope you are enjoying the weather this weekend (not stuck in work like me).

x


----------



## babas

Hi Mafagirl. The worrying thing is that there is no appointment booked in to go through it but we are already booked on the post approval training.... Hopefully we'll get something Tuesday!


----------



## DRocks

I feel more comfortable here for now until more of you ladies start moving to the new board 
Sent our email just now expressing interest, god I hope we are considered  
Sometimes it's scares me that as a same sex couple we will get overlooked.


----------



## Waiting_patiently

You'll be fine Disney, there wouldn't have been any point approving you if they were going to overlook you, they need families to give these lo's homes so your a benefit to them and needed straight away with the amount of lo's in care


----------



## mafergal

Babas, not sure how your agency work but maybe you don't need a meeting? Mine isn't to go through the PAR, its just for her to hand it over & she will do a mini individual session at the same time as we didn't need an in depth one. The same when DW hands it back the following week. Otherwise she said she would send it via secure email etc. Fingers crossed you hear something on Tue x


----------



## Waiting_patiently

We got ours via email then had to email back any corrections and print off the page where we had to sign, then send that in the post to get there before it had to be submitted to panel, no meeting


----------



## Waiting_patiently

p.s Thanks for all the good luck wishes peeps, we have an Attachment course / training day tomorrow, but as of today we only have 5 sleeps to go!


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Can I join you guys, a little bit about us. We have had a long journey so far and panel has been delayed twice as the first time DH had problems controlling his diabetes and then the SW had 'issues' with us and then went on maternity leave so we had 3 months of going nowhere. Well we have a new SW (old SW boss) and everything is a lot more positive and relaxed. We have to have a one to one session this week with an outside person to iron out some of the issues left by the old SW and then hopefully the gaps will be filled in. Our old SW wrote our PAR report but it not fully complete yet but we are going to be sent this tomorrow to have a read. Anyway we asked today for some sort of timescales and been told she is looking at panel for June, whoop whoop. Also she dropped the bombshell that she is looking at a baby for us, we always had in mind a toddler but this is a nice shock, but need to rethink things like a cot, pram/pushchairs etc but not going to get carried away until we are approved....

Anyway hope to get to know you all...

Ali


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Last day of March yeah! I hope this month goes quickly for all of us awaiting to face panel over the next 4 weeks.

It's worse than the 2WW all this waiting in limbo land lol should be called 4WW and getting a yes at panel, is kind of like getting a positive pregnancy test  

We decided to paint the 2nd bedroom (which if we get a yes at panel) will be moving into and if it's a no we'll have a lovely painted guest room lol

Anyway we still haven't received our PAR, but hey ho there's still time

Jack's girl - Can't believe we're off to panel on the same day, 16 days to go and counting. Have you received your PAR yet? 

Waiting Patiently - Hope your PAR was how you wanted it to be, I can't even imagine how it's going to read lol and I'm so jealous that you only have 4 more sleeps to go   Do you know what time you go in front of the panel?
Also hope your training day goes well tomorrow  

Tinkerbell - It's all going on for you lol At least things are moving and you seem really organised, look forward to reading about your journey.

Mafergal - You go to panel a week or so after us, have you been consistently in touch with your SW? 

Disney - How exciting for you, finding a LO already, hope you're not overlooked and they see yourselves as the perfect match, good luck x

Ali - Hi, I've put you into the "Panel zone" lol

PANEL ZONE  

Barbados Girl - AWAITING UPDATE


APRIL (WHOOP) AND IN DATE ORDER

Waiting Patiently - 4/4
Millie - 7/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
Dawn7 (ME and DH) - 17/4
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC
The Spouses- TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Treaco- 12/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC

JUNE

Ali - TBC
Arrows- TBC
KimmiB - TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella

MUMMY TO BE 

Disney Rocks   
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13  

Love and hugs xx


----------



## DRocks

Had the email! Decision maker has agree, we are 100% approved


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi alig

Gosh that all sounds very traumatic. Hope you have coped ok with all the changes and let downs. It sounds like you are on the right oath now and even being matched before panel !! Wow that's almost unheard of in n Ireland. How exciting 
Hope it all works out according to plan. 
Me and you are aiming for June panel. 
Let's hope it's goes by quickly. 

Hope everyone else is coping ok whatever the situation. 
I for one will be glad to finish off the homework 

Butterfly xx


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi all, just to let you know that I have confirmation of ratification.  So it's official...me and DH are approved adopters!! 

Good luck to everyone approaching their panel.  

xx


----------



## mollycat

thats fantastic hunnibunni..... xxx onwards and upwards for you both now....xxx


----------



## DRocks

Yay hunibunni how good does that feel, we got ours yesterday as well x


----------



## Hunibunni

Thanks Mollycat and Disney. It feels great! Now the email watching has started!! Lol

Xx


----------



## Hunibunni

Congrats Disney x have you heard anything yet about your expressions on interest?


----------



## mollycat

wish FF had a like button for posts....lol


----------



## AdoptionDreams

I've been knocked off the list again lol *trying not to take offence* I'm May approval panel, can I be added on again? X


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well it looks like our Gp messed up the original medical, and got Dp's weight completely wrong! As it looks as though he has lost absolutely no weight whatsoever. Yet we have evidence to prove otherwise, really not sure what is going to happen. That combined with the crap about getting the mortgage I am close to walking away.
And Dp's sister is still being a total b*tch about her pregnancy...


----------



## mollycat

hi tinkerbelle, sorry your getting messed around, its a pain in the   all the hoops we have to go threw when we know we will make good parents.. stick with it chick, im sure the medical will get sorted...

think we all have someone around thats being a total B*itch...i know i have.. would love to   .......


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Updated list again...


APRIL (WHOOP) AND IN DATE ORDER

Waiting Patiently - 4/4
Millie - 7/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
Dawn7 (ME and DH) - 17/4
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC
The Spouses- TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Treaco- 12/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC
Adoption Dreams - TBC

JUNE

Ali - TBC
Arrows- TBC
KimmiB - TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella

MUMMY TO BE 

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13  

Love and hugs xx


----------



## DRocks

Ahh Tink big hugs x x x
You will be fine don't worry, if I can do it your hubby can


----------



## Dawn7

Just a quick post to say SO SORRY Adoption dreams, I have to go back pages and copy and paste, so I probably went back to an older one, so wasn't deliberate   forgive me and it wont happen again.

Also 2 more sleeps for waiting patiently   also like the question u about what happens at panel, I think because we've all had heartache trying to become parents, we can't believe it'll ever happen, until the child/children are with us at home  

Hi to everyone else, hope ur all staying sane, we're at panel 2 weeks tomoz and yet to receive PAR argh!

Anyway bye for now xxx


----------



## Treaco

Hi girls can I get changed to June panel now.

thanks xx


----------



## babas

Dawn7 when does yours have to be in? Ours is 3 weeks before which is this Friday and we still don't have one!


----------



## Dawn7

Treaco - I've updated ur date, sorry to hear it's been put back

Babas - I thought our PAR had to be with panel 9 days before, but im not sure to be honest. Our SW was supposed to see our last reference today but cancelled last minute.


PANEL ZONE

APRIL (WHOOP) AND IN DATE ORDER

THIS WEEK   Waiting Patiently - 4/4  

Millie - 7/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
Dawn7 (ME and DH) - 17/4
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC
The Spouses- TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC
Adoption Dreams - TBC

JUNE

Ali - TBC
Arrows- TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella

MUMMY TO BE 

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13  

xxx


----------



## babas

Ours is 3 weeks. Friday is the last possible day we've been told. She's currently working on it to come to us tonight!


----------



## MummyPhinie

Good luck for those at panel this next week.

Sorry for those having a stressful time sending lots of  

As for me I'm sick!! Had bad head cold which is now going on chest and had bit of a mini break down in the office today!! 
Felt like poo this morning but as mainly office day and not seeing patients thought I'd get work done that is quite pressing, to walk into a debate that got quite heated, basically I got ignored and slammed down on my opinion (description might be over the top when I'm feeling better), and someone made decision despite lots of disagreement. felt like I was going to either cry or scream so removed myself from the room! Went back in, everyone a bit quiet, my friend sneaked some sweeties, then a colleague made the mistake of asking me if I was ok as I looked poorly. . Opened the flood gates, left room again and had a few hugs, they so understanding of where I am at!! got made a coffee! 
Boss tried to talk to me but took a few hours before I managed too, everyone a bit shocked I think as I'm usually solid, sat there with red blotchy snotty face! 
Then had a call off my sw to say sending us our PAR and had we read the reports from activity day etc etc. 
so now sat at home feeling all over the place!


----------



## Arrows

Poor Phinie, hope you feel better soon.
Tinkerbell, hold in there. I know they're driving you nuts but it WILL be worth it!

AFU, Well after last weeks cancellation today I had my medical and we also got to meet with our SW. Medical went brilliantly so absolutely no worries about it, although DH hasn't even booked his yet so not very happy with him.
We are now going to panel 29th May so very exciting. The potential talked about on a previous post is looking unlikely as too much uncertainty. Everything went great, especially considering DS decided tonight would be the perfect time to get a 39° fever, refuse to eat and fell asleep in my arms at 6.30pm. (Must admit as hard as it is seeing your kids ill the cuddles are pretty wonderful!) Very exciting times ahead. The only proviso we've given is that we would take a child in September as DS is starting a new nursery on 8th Sept so we'll need to focus on him if we don't already have a child placed.

So: updated list!

APRIL (WHOOP) AND IN DATE ORDER

THIS WEEK   Waiting Patiently - 4/4  

Millie - 7/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
Dawn7 (ME and DH) - 17/4
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC
The Spouses- TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Arrows- 29/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC
Adoption Dreams - TBC

JUNE

Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella

MUMMY TO BE 

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Got my one to one session with an outside person tomorrow afternoon and I am absolutely bricking it. She could use a tape recorder but she prefers to take notes, thank god. She is however going to score us and write a report for our SW, which will help to fill in the blanks of our PAR report. Be glad when tomorrow is over and done with...! 

Ali


----------



## Jacks girl

Hey girls 

FX PARs are winging their way to you soon Babas, Dawn and Phinie. Sorry to hear you have had a rotten day Phinie huge       to you. I am stressed with all the deadlines at work for kids and coursework, exams etc and being in charge of it all....aaargh so I can empathise somewhat.

We got out PAR tonight - pretty accurate reflection of who we are. Garden stuff arrives tomorrow Mafergal lol. My panel outfit came today just ordered DH's. 

Waiting patiently routing for you hun for panel. Can't wait to hear some good news. 

Arrows - glad to hear it's all starting to take off for you hun  

Love to all. Hope you are all good ladies xxxx


----------



## tinkerbell80

Today was a whole lot better!! We had a positive experience and social worker is aware of issues and has said not an issue but to log and record weight and food for a few weeks


----------



## DRocks

Tink that's fab your day has been better x x

Jacks Girl, glad you got your PAR! It's weird reading about yourself isn't it lol.

Ali, you will be fine, I bet it turns out to be much better than you think.

Hugs to everyone else x x x


----------



## Petite One

Good luck everyone  and congratulations for those getting their long awaited news. Sorry not posted much. It must be exciting to read your par's. That's ages away for us.

Attachment Style Interviews - can anyone please shed some light on these?  We are being interviewed individually and I think that's where they discuss our attachment styles. It's daunting because I don't really know what to expect and because we're being asked on our own.

I know it relates to secure and insecure attachment styles, but what will they ask? I also feel that we are quite different in our attachments, but as a couple we work well together, so I want them to see that. Were there any individual questions that threw any of you?

Alig72 - is that the attachment interview?

Thanks


----------



## babas

So the emails began at mid day just a few minor amendments be with you in an hour this went in til 6 o'clock and since then nothing! It's just annoying that's she's been emailing!


----------



## Loopylou29

Does your sw email documents using a secure system? Our sw did and it drove us up the wall   Anyway, on the evening she emailed our PAR it got stuck in the local authorities gateway because of the size of the documents. It only came through to us the following morning.


----------



## babas

Hi Loopylou29! I have no idea to be honest! How would I know?


----------



## Loopylou29

When we got a secure email there used to be a link to click and then we had to enter a password. The password was set up the first time we got a secure email. 

Even if its not a secure email it may still get stuck in their gateway due to the size of the document. Sw should have warned you though.

If its not finished then   just plain rudd she hasn't told you!


----------



## babas

No I've not done a password! She's gone AWOL! I am proud I've resisted chasing her though! Patience is not my strong point!


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Babas I feel for you, we had the same, few issues that I don't want to say as you never know who's reading but hate the way that we're made out to be over anxious etc yet it seems they don't have to give two hoots about peoples feelings etc,why do we get made to feel bad about that, communication and respect for peoples feelings surely costs nothing as it just basic manners.


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Ps thanks everyone for all the good luck words, sorry I've done no personals for a while, just trying to get to Friday without thinking about too much..   , regardless I hope all are doing well and staying strong with any barriers, delays etc, these things are sent to test us for sure! xx


----------



## MummyPhinie

Seems I have fallen foul of the social services portal as my PAR came through just before 11pm!! Either she was working late or it got stuck, poor woman's ears must have been burning as been checking my emails constantly and moaning since I left work. 
It is very odd reading about yourself, especially over 38 pages! on the whole I am really pleased , we put so much work into it and she has done it justice . . .i would definitely give us the job!
Just got to amend a few errors and finalise my chronology and it's done! Phew, just the 3 week wait now!


----------



## babas

Ours arrived just before 11pm as well! Overall pleased just a couple of bits to change.


----------



## Caroline S

Our SW wants to see us tomorrow, she is a student, so is bringing with her her tutor as she wants to chat to us.  Fingers crossed they will be bringing us the PAR too as its due next week! Very excited!

We have a house full of cold, I feel blurgh today, but think maybe the stress of the last few months are now just coming through as I always get sick when I'm stressed.

Nice to hear about those who have now received ratification, such exciting news.  Good luck to those with panel coming up!


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Well bad news for me, our panel has been delayed and we're now going to panel in May    Our sw has been sick and said she got her emails yesterday and got the news. She apologised to me for not letting me know yesterday,  so we  now have another 5 weeks to go before panel, so disappointed! thought everything was running too smoothly.

Anyway, glad to see phinie and babas have received their PAR's and phinie hope ur feeling better.

Jack's girl - we're no longer going together on the 17th lol but i'll think of u then  

Caroline S- Hope ur sw brings urs this afternoon.

and Finally Waiting Patiently its ur day tomoz, good luck hun xxx

APRIL (WHOOP) AND IN DATE ORDER

TOMOZ   Waiting Patiently - 4/4  

Millie - 7/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC
The Spouses- TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Me (DH) - 9/5
Arrows- 29/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC
Adoption Dreams - TBC

JUNE

Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella

MUMMIES TO BE 

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13

Speak to u all soon xxx


----------



## Arrows

Delays for us too. Dh hadn't been able to book his medical yet and health and safety guy needs to visit but we are in the middle of building work so need to delay panel till 12th June. Bit annoyed but I do honestly understand.

APRIL (WHOOP) AND IN DATE ORDER

TOMOZ   Waiting Patiently - 4/4  

Millie - 7/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC
The Spouses- TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Me (DH) - 9/5
Weemoofrezz- TBC
Adoption Dreams - TBC

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella

MUMMIES TO BE 

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Thanks Ladies, sorry to hear your delays Dawn7 & Arrows, we were delayed twice so I know how deflating it is, but others are right, if it means your PAR being done properly then its worth the wait, thats what our SW said to us! 

I've finally found something 'suitable' to wear so just the waiting game now, going to watch the Adoption programme thats on tonight, not sure its a good idea the day before panel, hope its not too bad


----------



## Lorella

Good luck tomorrow Waiting patiently xx 🍀


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Lorella said:


> Good luck tomorrow Waiting patiently xx &#127808;


Aah thankyou Lorella xx


----------



## weemoofrazz

Dawn7, you have a great nak of tracking this thread or a super memory! I am in frequently on and lose track of where everyone is at so a big thank you for the list! 
Sorry about your delay, this is really frustrating but hopefully all will go well in May. 

Waiting patiently, best of luck for tomorrow  

We are now definitely going to panel on April 24th as the medicals were returned today as promised   and they re-scheduled the panel date due to Easter which means we will be back from or holiday just in time for it! 

To all who have panel this month and next best wishes!


----------



## weemoofrazz

Forgot to say... Petite one I've PM you re adult attachment Interview!


----------



## Dawn7

Thanks girlies, I wouldn't wish delays on anyone but for those of u who have been delayed shows that it isn't out of the norm and we're not alone.

Arrows sorry to hear of ur delay and waiting patiently ur right the extra wait means our sw has more time to spend on our PAR  

Weemoofrazz, thx for ur kind words and no probs on the list, I'm glad it helps us all to keep track and I've updated ur panel date  

APRIL (WHOOP) AND IN DATE ORDER

TOMOZ   Waiting Patiently - 4/4  

Millie - 7/4
Do dreams come true - 10/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Weemoofrazz - 24/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC
The Spouses- TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 9/5
Adoption Dreams - TBC

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella

MUMMIES TO BE 

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13

Thanks again for all the support, means a lot xxx


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi everyone hope you are all well


Good luck waiting patiently for tomorrow...looking forward to hearing about your big fat yes!


Dawn7 and Arrows what a nightmare being delayed but like the others say it's best that everything is right on the day.  It's best to have all the T's crossed and the I's dotted on the report and make the panel struggle to find questions to ask like what happened to me and DH   


AFM no news to tell other than I keep refreshing my emails on my phone geez and I thought limbo land was hard! 


Xx


----------



## somedaysoon

Dawn7, thanks for doing the list - great idea to keep track of what stage everyone is at! We had our second opinion interview with our sw and her boss today and it went well. It was reassuring more than anything. I was surprised as I expected her to grill us about every home study! So that's the end of our home studies - no more homework! Panel in just under two weeks!


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi someday soon
Super duper - no more homework!! I'm soo jealous )
No really chugged for you. 
Any advice on the 2 nd opinion visit?

Stay chilled for the next couple of weeks and you will fly through it 

For the lovely lady going to panel tomorrow- 
Fingers and toes crossed for you that you enjoy your experience and come out with a huge big smile. 

Hurrying off now to watch Chanel 4!!

Butterfly xxx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Butterfly06 said:


> Hi someday soon
> Super duper - no more homework!! I'm soo jealous )
> No really chugged for you.
> Any advice on the 2 nd opinion visit?
> 
> Stay chilled for the next couple of weeks and you will fly through it
> 
> For the lovely lady going to panel tomorrow-
> Fingers and toes crossed for you that you enjoy your experience and come out with a huge big smile.
> 
> Hurrying off now to watch Chanel 4!!
> 
> Butterfly xxx


Thankyou very kind xx


----------



## DRocks

Waiting, I'm sending you all the best for tomorrow and can't wait to hear your big fat yes x x x


----------



## Forgetmenot

All the very best for tomorrow lovely xx


----------



## MummyPhinie

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow waiting


----------



## babas

Good luck for tomorrow xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Good luck today waiting patiently xxx


----------



## becs40

Good luck today waiting. X


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Thankyou soooo much everyone for all your good luck wishes, I'm ecstatic to say we got a  unanimous yes...  and to all of those pre panel stage don't be scared it was over in a flash, lovely people, made us very welcome and feel very blessed to have been approved... Yay!!!


----------



## Waiting_patiently

I can also honestly say the support from everyone here gives you an amazing boost on our journey so I thank you all very very much!!! 

I feel privileged to have had you all share and wish us luck and can't wait to continue supporting each other along our routes. Looking forward to the next panel run up on our list... Millie that's you!


----------



## Lorella

Whoopy!!!!   Fantastic news. So very pleased for you xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Lorella said:


> Whoopy!!!!  Fantastic news. So very pleased for you xx


Thankyou, can't quite believe it eeeeek!


----------



## liveinhope

Great news waiting patiently.  Hope your wait is a short one!


----------



## Caroline S

Congratulations waiting patiently!


----------



## Hunibunni

Yay Waiting x fabulous news!!!! I hope you're celebrating in style! Well I'm having a mojoto as we speak so cheers hun...mummy to be! 

Xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Thankyou everyone, we've been out with our bestie and family for a nice meal and a few large Woo Woo's lol, very nice, shattered though and its not even 11pm, think we'll sleep well tonight knowing this is half way over  x


----------



## mafergal

Massive congratulations Waiting Patiently! Great news!

So many updates on here since my last post. Looks like lots of progress being made, sorry to those of you who are experiencing delays & had panel put back.

We got our PAR middle of last week. Happy with it overall, just a few factual errors to correct with a few more grammatical ones (DW's department). So happy she is handing it back  

Now I've come down with something, DW reckons I've been overdoing it with the DIY & run myself down. I've not done half of what I wanted to though, partly because of the rain.

Anyway hope everyone has a good weekend. Sorry for the lack of personals x


----------



## Dawn7

THE PANEL ZONE 

APRIL AND IN DATE ORDER

MONDAY IS MILLIE'S TURN  


Do dreams come true - 10/4
Somedaysoon- Mid April
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Weemoofrazz - 24/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC
The Spouses- TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - TBC

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82
Lorella

MUMMIES TO BE 

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently

XXX


----------



## Bunny888

Glad to hear some of you have had yes's since I last viewed this post!! How very exciting.  MASSIVE CONGRATS!  

DH and I are off to panel in a couple of weeks!

Terrified!!!


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Bunny888 said:


> Glad to hear some of you have had yes's since I last viewed this post!! How very exciting. MASSIVE CONGRATS!
> 
> DH and I are off to panel in a couple of weeks!
> 
> Terrified!!!


Don't be scared honestly its not half as scary as you expect, there all lovely people that want to give you a yes! Good luck x


----------



## somedaysoon

Butterfly06 said:


> Hi someday soon
> Super duper - no more homework!! I'm soo jealous )
> No really chugged for you.
> Any advice on the 2 nd opinion visit?
> 
> Stay chilled for the next couple of weeks and you will fly through it
> 
> Butterfly xxx


Thanks, Butterfly! Second opinion interview is nothing to worry about. She asked what we had thought of the adoption process so far and if we had any worries. She tried to put us at ease and explained what would happen at panel - very reassuring! All the best with your next stage x


----------



## naisher30

Hi everyone,
So...I finally find myself on the adoption board! It's been a long road to get here...6 years, 7 IVF failures and a fostering course to be exact! Feels like it's been quite a nightmare, but for the first time in a long time it feels like we're on the right path. 

We completed our prep course last week, and have a panel date of July 2nd, gulp! Prep course was terrifying but I think we now understand some of the issues these children face. The attachment stuff was so interesting, I think all parents should get this training! 

Would love to keep in touch with others going through the same process ( also doing my Eco Map and thought this might be a good idea!). We are in Bristol, wondered if any of you were local to the area? 

Take care all,

Naisher


----------



## Waiting_patiently

naisher30 said:


> Hi everyone,
> So...I finally find myself on the adoption board! It's been a long road to get here...6 years, 7 IVF failures and a fostering course to be exact! Feels like it's been quite a nightmare, but for the first time in a long time it feels like we're on the right path.
> 
> We completed our prep course last week, and have a panel date of July 2nd, gulp! Prep course was terrifying but I think we now understand some of the issues these children face. The attachment stuff was so interesting, I think all parents should get this training!
> 
> Would love to keep in touch with others going through the same process ( also doing my Eco Map and thought this might be a good idea!). We are in Bristol, wondered if any of you were local to the area?
> 
> Take care all,
> 
> Naisher


Hi Naisher, I'm nowhere near Bristol but didn't want to read and run, welcome to Adoption and good luck with your journey  x


----------



## StarryEyed

Hey Naisher,

Not from Bristol but recently moved away from there after 4 and a bit years so got a number of friends over there who i intend on visiting shortly. Anyway just thought I'd say hi!


----------



## Lorella

Hi all,
Well I can finally be added to the August panel section!
We had our meeting this morning and been officially accepted onto stage 2. 
Home study starts tomorrow! Xxx


----------



## thespouses

We're supposed to get our revised PAR today, panel on the 22nd.


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Thanks for all the updates, I've updated the Panel zone

Hoping Millie got her yes today

Naisher30 - Hi, we're nowhere near Bristol unfortunately, but good luck on ur journey, I've put u into the panel zone lol

Lorella - Glad to see u know which month ur off to panel in 

Thespouses - FX u get ur PAR today and it's a great report, not long till ur off to panel x

Hope everyone else is plodding along on their journey nicely x Hoping with lots of panels this month, May gets here quickly lol

THE PANEL ZONE 

APRIL AND IN DATE ORDER

This Thursday is DO DREAMS COME TRUE's turn   Hoping dreams do come true 


Do dreams come true - 10/4

Somedaysoon- Mid April
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Thespouses - 22/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Weemoofrazz - 24/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - TBC

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
Lorella- TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently


xxx


----------



## do dreams come true

hi everyone 
    can't believe panel is Thursday thought we would never get to this point. 14 years of tears pain and let downs could all be about to change after Thursday.
hope Millie is celebrating as i type  

welcome to all the newbies  

hi to everyone else


----------



## Dawn7

Mummies to be list is getting bigger yey! hope we all get on it  

APRIL AND IN DATE ORDER

This Thursday is DO DREAMS COME TRUE's turn   Hoping dreams do come true 


Do dreams come true - 10/4

Somedaysoon- Mid April
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Thespouses - 22/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Weemoofrazz - 24/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - TBC

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
Lorella- TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie

xx


----------



## somedaysoon

I'm going to be awkward and have to update list again - our exact panel date is 16th April! We got our completed Form F today (think it's only slightly different to your PAR as we're doing concurrent planning) and what a read it is! 82 pages of everything we've ever said during home study and any opinions about this! It really is bizzare seeing it all in black and white. Must have taken our sw forever to type! Some of it appears quite negative so I'm hoping panel are ok with it. I didn't realize how much personal information all of them would read about us and now I'm not relishing the idea of meeting them! I have a sore, tense back and am not sleeping well at night even though I try to switch off from it all.

Hope everyone else's journeys are going well.


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hello

Just popping on to wish everyone luck on their journeys looks like April and May are going to be busy months. Congratulations to everyone who have been to Panel and those who have got their PAR's.

As for us we are plodding on slowly ! Our new SW has been out twice to see us and luckily we have managed to get through a lot of work. She is on holiday for two weeks because of Easter and then she is coming out to see our son and our References are being re-visited as our original SW still hasn't handed over any paperwork. It was mentioned as our Medicals were done a year ago they will need to write to our Doctors just to see if anything new had appeared on our Records ( luckily neither of us have seen the Doctor in the last year !) but this would mean a further expense of £25 ?!! But they are hoping to pay this for us !!

So still no exact Panel date but still hoping for May/June !! 

Beckyboo x


----------



## Dawn7

Some day soon - I've updated the panel zone  so ur a week away, so exciting!

Beckyboo - Glad to hear things are still moving forward for u and that ur still aiming for panel in May/June  


PANEL ZONE

APRIL AND IN DATE ORDER

This Thursday is DO DREAMS COME TRUE's turn   Hoping dreams do come true 


Do dreams come true - 10/4

Somedaysoon- 16/4
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Thespouses - 22/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Weemoofrazz - 24/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - TBC

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
Lorella- TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie

xxx


----------



## Jacks girl

Popped onto say hi to all and good luck to DDCT for Thursday . Congrats Millie on your BFY    

Well done Lorella for getting onto stage 2. Glad your getting somewhere now Becky boo 

Someday soon good luck for next week, we are the day after you. 

The Spouses fx for the 22nd for you. 

Bunny good luck for your panel in the next few weeks 

Mafergal sorry to hear you are not feeling well hun    lol I was tempted to take a green pen to ours in places but she has done a fab job of what she has assessed/said about us. 

Disney hi to you   - yes it well weird reading about yourself isn't it. Some parts about my bubbly personality made me smile 

Tinkerbell I am keeping everything crossed for you this time around 

hi to everyone else sorry no more personals I have trouble keeping up  its so great to see so many lovely ladies joining this thread 

AFU - my boss is looking at my work load for next year to see where she can help me out with the adoption coming up so I can balance work and hopefully yummy mummyhood 2  Panel week Thursday eek! Still waiting for our invite letter - saying that panel members will have only just received our PAR and have to agree the agenda. 

xxxxx


----------



## StarryEyed

SW over today, going to be rather intense as we are cramming 4 meetings over 2 days (thankfully a week apart) to fit them in over the school holidays. Don't really know what to do with myself. I've been up since 6.30am... I struggle to get up for work usually before that time. Oh well, hoping I might get a panel date soon.


----------



## Lorella

Good luck Starryeyed. In similar position  had first home study yesterday (AAI interview) and got another next wk (ASI interview) x


----------



## StarryEyed

Wow... instead of having two meetings today we ran straight through - a full 4 and a half hours! But I can be added to the panel list - 16th June for me


----------



## liveinhope

Had our first appointment with SW today. DS behaved beautifully.  However she did tell us we our now on September panel, partly because she is on annual leave for July and August panels but also because she wants DS to settle at school (he starts in September) before any placement is made.  Is is still OK to stay on this board lol?


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone,

wanted to say   to dodreamscometrue for panel later today!  Hope it all goes amazingly  

Congratulations to Millie!  

How's everyone else getting on, every time I pop on there seems to be progress.  Can't believe it's 19 days to panel for us!  In some respects this past month has dragged waiting for the illusive 'date' but when I think back to July and making our initial enquiries; really the time has flown by!

It's impossible to do personal's to everyone so I will track back a little.  Liveinhope, I say of course you are, september is still summer  

Congratulations on your panel date starryeyed! It will be June before you know it!

Hi Lorella, hope you are well and that you get a confirmed panel date soon!  Same goes for you Beckyboo, hope they do pay for the medical update.

Hi jacks girl, it's good that your employer is being so proactive. Mine is a different kettle of fish but so far my experience is being asked how much time off I will take, if I would want to reduce my hours when I return (OH YES!)  then being told they'd accept me cutting down by 10% like I should be grateful.    It will be more than that!   Our PAR is fully complete now and gets submitted to panel on the Tue. I'm glad we have Easter holidays to occupy us now until panel!

Babas, hope you are well and everything is on track.

Take care all x


----------



## babas

Hi Mafagirl! No time for many personals but looks like you're all going well! 

Our PAR went in last Friday and we await panel in 15 days! No matches though and been told to prepare for a very long wait so I'm deciding what to do about work!


----------



## Hunibunni

Good luck for panel today dodreamscometrue xx


----------



## thespouses

Well we have sorted out childcare for panel and look we are 3rd in the list! but it's till very bittersweet because it was supposed to be panel for a specific match.

I asked for my thread in Adoption Stories to be taken down as when I wrote it no way were we adopting from overseas again so it didn't really matter if our story was out there. But now things are different, so I thought it better to be a bit more private and not searchable. However now I'm a bit sad, I do have a blog with our story in but it was a nice thread for me to look back at.


----------



## DRocks

Good luck for today DDCT


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Good luck do dreams come true, looking forward to reading your big fat yes!


----------



## Dawn7

Good luck Do dreams come true xx


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Congratulations Do dreams come true, seen ur latest post, defo agree with ur sw does it matter in this day and age who works as long as someone is and someone's at home with lo but thankfully u got ur yes and I've added ur to the mummies to be section 

Starry eyed - Glad u have ur panel date and I've updated the panel zone and things are going well

Hope everyone's journey still moving forward, it's so hard being in limbo. I spoke to our sw today and feel abit better, even though my last referee cancelled their meeting last night  We still have a week to get his reference done and to receive our PAR and finally get it sent to panel. Don't think I'll sleep until this is all done and dusted. Fingers crossed our date isn't change and it'll be 4 weeks today.

Somedaysoon -  You're next now, hope ur ok

Jacks girl - 1 week to go for u, hope ur ok too

Sorry for no more personals, but as we all know its so hard to keep up, keep me posted on any updates 

PANEL ZONE

NEXT UP - Some day soon  

Somedaysoon- 16/4
Jacks Girl - 17/4
Thespouses - 22/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Weemoofrazz - 24/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - TBC

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
Lorella- TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Do Dreams come true

Big hugs xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Congratulations DDTC. I agree, it shouldn't matter who stays at home, as long as one of you do! So much for you to look forward to, especially with a potential link!


----------



## babas

Nerves have hit me this morning with two full weeks to go!


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hi Everyone

Think we are finally on the move with our second adoption process! Got a SW coming to see us in two weeks time to have a chat and leave us with a pile of paperwork! Exciting   Hope all is going well for everyone here.


----------



## Jacks girl

Just popped on quickly to say huge congrats to DDCT   

Babas - we got our panel confirmation yesterday and the nerves have well and truly kicked in!!! Butterflies in stomach...more like elephants stampeding!!! Someday soon good luck hun for Thursday - am printing the past threads off today regarding panel questions eeek!

Dawn - thanks hun. 

Will post more tomorrow but just to say hi to you all and huge    no matter what stage


----------



## babas

Jacks girl I can home to our panel time letter....it's late in the day so I'll be a wreck by the time I get there!


----------



## Jacks girl

Ours is midday Babas so think I will be same   xx


----------



## do dreams come true

hi everyone thanks for congrats    

good luck for everyone else


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All, 

So we're just about halfway through April, we have a busy 2 weeks ahead 

HELP!
Just wondered what u girls would do in my situation, I spoke to our sw last week after my last referee cancelled our sw visit. SW said she'd rearrange and keep me posted and that panel need our PAR by 22.4 (a week tomoz) and I've been told by our referee that she's visiting on Weds night. With the bank holiday weekend coming up, she has Thurs to get PAR to us and then for us to read over and for any errors to be rectified. I know she potentially has Tuesday morning maybe? Just wondered would u call sw and when would u call her?

I just don't want her to think we're impatient and being pushy lol

Anyway here's Panel zone for April 

THIS WEEK - Good luck to u both x

Somedaysoon - THIS WEDS  
Jacks Girl - 17/4 THIS THURSDAY

Thespouses - 22/4
Phinie35- 23/4
Weemoofrazz - 24/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC

XXX


----------



## Hunibunni

Dawn I think you have every right to be pushy  x I think she could give you the Par now before she sees your reference as they don't include it in what you see anyway so unless she hasn't finished it I can't see a problem in having it.  Just say you are worried about the bank holiday weekend.  Good luck

Xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Was just about to say same as you Hunnibunni. Is there any way you can receive a digitalised version of your PAR through a secure server. She may need to get permission of her manager. I would email her if possible.  That way then you can kept a record of asking to see it xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all well we heard from our lovely SW today who was checking we are ok about Thursday. We are not having a pre-panel appointment as we feel now we can anticipate what we may be asked as she has done so well at preparing us and this site has been a god send. I printed the threads off about panel questions and DH and I ran through it. Good luck for Wed someday. You are in my thoughts xx


----------



## Dawn7

Hunnibunni and Jacks girl, thanks for ur advice

I rang our sw and she's still writing our PAR, said she'd let me know more on Thursday, I now has suspicions we're going to be delayed again. SW said she'd taken bank holiday into account and we can update PAR by email and by phone. Apparently she doesn't need to send PAR off on Tuesday but she has to send notification to say we'll be ready and to confirm it. With me ringing today, I hope she realises even more how much this means to us.

Starting to stress me out now  

Anyway Jacks girl, seems like ur well prepared for Thursday - again good luck x

Some day soon - good luck for tomoz Hun x

xx


----------



## somedaysoon

I think you were right to ring up, Dawn. Hope it arrives with you soon. Our form f (different as we're in NI) was huge - over 80 pages and took a long time to read!

Thanks for your encouraging words for tomorrow. I'm only starting to think about the outcome now. Would be devastated if it was a 'no'! Will be so glad when it's over. Going on hols on Thursday!


----------



## Jacks girl

Great minds think alike Someday soon - we have booked a post panel hols too so no matter what the outcome we have something good to look forward too 

Dawn - she does sound like she is wriggling a bit on PAR but the call might have done the trick in geeing her up as it were. Fingers crossed it all goes through quickly for you and its tickety boo soon  Thinking of you   

Hi to everyone else xxx


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone,

We heard today that we will be seeing our PAR on Monday. We will meet with our SW in Tuesday to discuss it all. Panel will now be on the 19th May!! X


----------



## do dreams come true

hi everyone
just popping to say good luck to everyone at Panel this week


----------



## DRocks

Good luck today somedaysoon


----------



## Jacks girl

Good luck somedaysoon       xxx


----------



## Jacks girl

do dreams come true said:


> hi everyone
> just popping to say good luck to everyone at Panel this week


Thank you DDCT  xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Ditto the goodluck to everyone this week, especially somedaysoon today!

No that any of you will need luck


----------



## Petite One

Good luck somedaysoon.


----------



## Hunibunni

Goodluck Someday Soon x can't wait to hear about your big yes!!


----------



## Arrows

Hi guys,
we had a visit from SW yesterday and all fairly pointless! She asked 3 questions which could have been answered over the phone. Given we'd had to detour straight from the airport home to a building site of a house for a nights in order to meet her, instead of going straight to in-laws as planned it really wasn't that helpful.
Anyhow, they've screwed up DH's medical forms by sending them to the wrong practice and messing us about. they've promised they'll get everything sorted (we'll see!) All that's left to do is DH's medical, report from Health Visitor to say DS will be fine with a sibling and a interviewing the referees (only one of whom is new)-none of which is a problem. Feels pretty much like we've not done anything this time around and is a bit bizarre given the depth we went into first time -I guess that's the point though!


----------



## StarryEyed

Good luck SomedaySoon and all the rest of you going to panel this week!

So had another meeting with SW today, I think the wealth of information I've given her has possibly overwhelmed her (I like to be thorough), but she has gone away to put all the information into my PAR... eek. 8 and 1/2 weeks to go...


----------



## mafergal

Hi somedaysoon, hope panel went really well today x


----------



## Jacks girl

Can't wait to hear your update someday soon I have been popping on and off all day lol xx


----------



## somedaysoon

Heehee - sorry to keep you waiting and checking, Jacks Girl! Thank you all for being so encouraging.

Anyway, today we got a......... unanimous YES!     

Lots of questions from panel about our matching considerations,  how our family would feel about an adopted child etc but we managed to hold it together and string out an answer! SW spoke to us afterwards and congratulated us. She then asked when we'll be back from holiday as she wants to call out with us. When I asked why she said she may have a profile for us to see!  

Jacks Girl, will be thinking of you tomorrow. Don't worry about it.  It'll all be over quicker than you expect and it is not too daunting. All the very best!


----------



## Jacks girl

Yay whoop party time Someday soon        well done hun have been routing for you! 

Out turn tomorrow eek thanks for your good wishes. My DH isn't very talkative with new people so feeling apprehensive for him. We have been through our feelings about the questions our social worker suggested. Friend coming to do my hair. Outfits are ready. Elephants are stampeding through my stomach. Lol

Awesome news hun well done again xxx


----------



## Jacks girl

Meant to say enjoy your hols and ooooooooo a profile already exciting times and something to look forward too.  xxx


----------



## Hunibunni

Yay Somedaysoon!!  congratulations to you and your DH   It's getting all exciting and more of us joining the mummies to be club!! 

Good Luck for tomorrow Jacks Girl.  Can't wait for to hear your news!  Whoop whoop...so exciting!  

xx


----------



## babas

Congratulations!! X


----------



## Lorella

Congratulations! And good luck tomorrow Jacks Girl! X


----------



## mollycat

all the best for tomorrow Jacks girl..... xxx


----------



## babas

Good luck Jacks girl! X


----------



## Dawn7

Fab news someday soon, congrats! How exciting with a potential match too 

I'll get u on the mummies to be board tomoz

Jack's girl - Ur turn tomoz, hope everything goes well 

Adoption dreams - Nice to see u have a panel date, i'll get ur date on the board tomoz too x

Sorry for no more personals but again hope everything going well for u all xxx


----------



## mafergal

Just popped on to say GOOD LUCK TOMORROW JACKS GIRL!!! It's shared with our fur-baby's birthday so will be a good day   Also thanks for the message on my other post - very very early days so really not getting excited at the mo.

Congratulations somedaysoon  

xxx


----------



## MummyPhinie

Congratulations someday!!
Good luck jacks for tomorrow x

Week today for me, getting anxious!


----------



## babas

Good luck Jacks Girl!!!

Week tomorrow for me...feel permanently sick!


----------



## babas

Have any of you done your post approval training? We're booked in May.


----------



## DRocks

Good luck Jacks Girl x x


----------



## Jacks girl

Thanks wonderful ladies! Unanimous yes from panel! Whoop! Got a st


----------



## Jacks girl

Stinking headache even my stupid phone haha! My fingers toes and everything crossed for all you beautiful ladies and your panels whether they be approval or matching. 

Huge hugs xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Mafergal give your fur baby a birthday squidge for me xx


----------



## tinkerbell80

Yay another Mummy to be!! Congratulations

Well no news from us other than waiting for DBS to come back and two more references, the adoption team are keeping in contact very regularly so I don't feel too out of the loop. DP's weight loss is going well and his BMI is coming down.
We are not moving anymore due to some family tantrums and I decided that it is not the right time for us to move with everything going on, especially as it is DP's family who are causing the issues more so his sister.


----------



## mollycat

whoop whoop Jacks Girl.... Congratulations honey, another hurdle out of the way!!!!  xxx

Hugs Tinkerbelle80.. there is always someone wanting to cause drama..... stay strong and stick your fingers up to them behind there backs lol lol


----------



## Lorella

Congrats Jacks Girl! Xx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Jacks girl said:


> Thanks wonderful ladies! Unanimous yes from panel! Whoop! Got a st


  Well done, welcome to the waititng to be a Mummy club!


----------



## Petite One

Congratulations Somedaysoon and Jacks girl.


----------



## mafergal

Jacks girl said:


> Thanks wonderful ladies! Unanimous yes from panel! Whoop! Got a st


Massive congratulations! Now you have the rest of the Easter hope to do some lovely shipping 



Jacks girl said:


> Mafergal give your fur baby a birthday squidge for me xx


He has had a million squidges today... but one more won't hurt


----------



## babas

Congratulations Jacks Girl! You ladies are setting the bar high!


----------



## Beckyboo3

Congratulations Someday Soon and Jacks Girl !


----------



## somedaysoon

Finally got logged into wifi in hotel lol! Couldn't wait to find out how you'd got on, jack's girl. A BIG congratulations - fantastic news! it's a relief, isn't it? Thanks to everyone for all your congrats. We're enjoying our wee city break away (also celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary) but to be honest we have mostly slept since arriving. Think panel etc must have taken its toll. Hope your headache goes away soon, Jack's girl and congrats again!


----------



## Dawn7

Congratulations Jacks girl, ur now a mummy to be  

Some day soon - I've put yourself and Jack's girl on the mummies to be list, enjoy ur weekend break and Happy 10th Anniversary, what a way to celebrate x

Mafergal - Another squidge for ur fur baby lol

Tinkerbell - Glad things are now working out for u

Arrows - Sorry ur last sw visit was pointless - how annoying, hopefully things will improve going forward

Adoption dreams - I've updated ur panel date as promised x

PANEL ZONE

APRIL AND IN DATE ORDER

Next is THE SPOUSES - Not long to go  
BIG WEEK NEXT WEEK with 3 going to panel

Thespouses - 22/4 
Phinie35- 23/4
Weemoofrazz - 24/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - 19/5

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
Lorella- TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Starry eyed
Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl

xxx


----------



## babas

Dawn7 there's 4 at panel next week I think. One each working day.


----------



## Dawn7

You're right babas lol 4 next week and wow 1 a day - a week to go for u  

EXCITING WEEK! 

1ST- THE SPOUSES ON 22/4 (TUES)
2ND - PHINIE35 - 23/4 (WEDS)
3RD- WEEMOOFRAZZ -  24/4 (THURS)
4TH - BABAS - 25/4 (FRI)

BUNNY888 - DATE TBC


----------



## babas

Yup Dawn I feel permanently nervous!


----------



## MummyPhinie

Omg second from the top now eeeeeeeek!
Got our official panel invite today, got 9.35 am panel! 
Good luck the spouses for Tuesday!


----------



## babas

We're 2.45! I'll be a mess by then.


----------



## do dreams come true

hi just popped on to say congrats to someday soon and jacks girl


----------



## Jacks girl

Phinie35 said:


> Omg second from the top now eeeeeeeek!
> Got our official panel invite today, got 9.35 am panel!
> Good luck the spouses for Tuesday!


Good luck guys xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Thank you DDCT xx


----------



## StarryEyed

Congrats JacksGirl!

Dawn7 - could you put me back on the panel list for June 16th please. I seem to have accidentally dropped back to unsure.


----------



## Jacks girl

Thank you Starry Eyed xxx


----------



## Jacks girl

babas said:


> We're 2.45! I'll be a mess by then.


I will be thinking of you hun, hoping you will be fine xx


----------



## alig1972

Hi
We seemed to have hit a brick wall yet again! The one to one report that was supposed to take a week (2 weeks ago!) is now going to be another week and our SW wants to wait for the results of this before we proceed further. The SW is going to get back to us next Thurs, so I am thinking June panel is very doubtful now. The wait goes on..and on and it is one step forward and 2 steps back! 

Ali x


----------



## babas

Alig1972 there's still hope Hun as many of us have had reports a couple of weeks before panel!


----------



## Dawn7

Happy Good Friday! Everyone

So sorry Starry eyed - I've updated ur panel date, I think I go too far back sometimes and copy and paste older ones 

PANEL ZONE

APRIL AND IN DATE ORDER

Next is THE SPOUSES - Not long to go  
BIG WEEK NEXT WEEK with 4 going to panel

Thespouses - 22/4 
Phinie35- 23/4
Weemoofrazz - 24/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Bunny888 - TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - 19/5

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
Lorella- TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl


Keep updating me on those all important dates   xx


----------



## thespouses

Yep it's soon now! Will be happy to get it out of the way.


----------



## Hunibunni

Congratulations Jacks Girl woohoo!! 

Xx


----------



## Dawn7

Alig1972 - I feel ur pain, forgot to say u never know, we still have hope lol our sw has got an extension (by a couple of days) and she has said it'll all be done last min.

Fingers crossed for u xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Ali fingers crossed for you it all gets sorted out and you are then back on track  . Thank you hunnibunni and starryeyed  . Good luck for next week panel ladies  I will be on hols abroad so prob won't be on from tomoz to Fri next week so good luck and lets keep growing that long list of Forever Mummies to be!      . 

Lots of love and hugs to you all. Have a fab weekend xxxx


----------



## claudia6662

Hello lovely Ladies, hope you are all ok ! Ive been coming on now and again but needed some time away too. Me and DP have been thinking about adoption again but arent going to make a descion until after the holiday in May. Have missed you all and hope your all progressing well xxxx


----------



## somedaysoon

Good to hear from you again, claudia. Hope that having a break for a while has really helped. Thinking of you as I know how difficult it can be to decide what to do. 

Hope the four of you who are going to panel are good and not too nervous. It all happens very quickly and you'll be just fine!


----------



## claudia6662

thanks somedaysoon, having the break is just what we both needed, its really tough , whatever descion we make it has to be the right one. And i hear your recently approved too, i bet you are over the moon x


----------



## mollycat

Hiya Girls and happy Easter Sunday....  

We have panel on 4th of June for concurrent, and was wondering what attually happens at panel, and what kind of questions do they ask, and how long does it all take?
Starting to feel really nervous even though its a good few weeks away  

Hope everyone is having a lovely day and not feeling sick with all the chocolate   

xxx


----------



## babas

Well ladies......it's this week!


----------



## mafergal

Enjoy your holiday Jacks girl  

Thespouses, masses of good luck for you tomorrow! It will be us the following week & nerves are creeping upon me  

Hi there Claudia, lovely to hear from you! I hope you are well, the break was what you needed 

I hope everyone had a lovely Easter.

Hope everyone else is well, especially all of you in the panel zone this week! I'm having a minor panic as no idea what to wear... I'm a jeans, t-shirt and converse kind of girl... time has got away from me  

x


----------



## babas

Mafegirl there's still time! I'm wearing skinny jeans, a floral jacket and cami. 

What's everyone's OH'a wearing?


----------



## Loopylou29

Lots of panel members will be fairly casual so don't worry about wearing smart jeans.

My dh wore trousers and shirt, no tie or suit jacket.


----------



## babas

Thanks loopylou hubby has a new shirt so I think he'll go with suit trousers and that. My jeans are black so I should look smart casual!


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Good luck everyone at panel this week, you'll all be fine  

I wore dark jeans with boots, vest top and a linen jacket, oh just wore dark jeans with a short sleeved shirt, he was going to wear his suit (casualish) jacket with his jeans which he often does on a night out but he chose not too and was glad he didn't, it really was quite an informal meeting, just be tidy but comfortable, Im not a girly girl and considered a dress but didn't want to feel 'not me' when I was nervous enough as it was!


----------



## thespouses

I can't remember what I wore first time but I was joking today if you dress for the job you want, I should not shower, and wear my pyjamas with a liberal sprinkling of vomit.


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

So major week this week, hope the 4 of you are ok and glad this week is finally here 

The Spouses - Good luck for tomoz  

Regarding panel outfits, when we finally get to panel DH will either wear smart jeans or smart grey cords he has and a mock jumper/shirt combo.

Think I'm wearing a cardi/vest combo and smart black pants 

FX we find out tomoz and even DH said he fills like he's in limbo land now (finally lol), as sw had an extension to finish our PAR.

Sorry for no other personals, but i'll be back on tomoz to say another good luck and update the mummies to be list  

xxx


----------



## Ruthie82

Hello ladies,

Just to say I have been reading when I can and am glad to hear  overall all is going well.

Hubby and I have completed stage one and we are waiting to start stage two. 

Thespouses thinking of you 

Love to all x


----------



## StarryEyed

Good luck for tomorrow thespouses!


----------



## babas

Good luck tomorrow TheSpouses!


----------



## do dreams come true

hey just popped in to say good look thespouses


----------



## Hunibunni

Good luck for  panel tomorrow thespouses

Xx


----------



## MummyPhinie

Good luck thespouses, let's get the week off to a good start. 

I'm off to get some sleep as I know I'm not getting any tomorrow!


----------



## Barbados Girl

Sorry have been pants at keeping up! Have panel on 30th. We'll it has yet to be cancelled like the last two, our PAR is done so think there should be nothing stopping this one!

Good luck the spouses, everything crossed!

Am planning to wear black jeans, a smart top, heels and a blazer at mine.


----------



## Lorella

Good luck to everyone at panel this week! Xx


----------



## DRocks

Good luck thespouses


----------



## mollycat




----------



## Dawn7

Hey All,

Hoping The spouses will have news soon 

Ruthie 82 - Congrats! on getting through stage 2 and I hope stage 2 flies by, although the waiting is a killer lol

Phinie35 - Yeah u probably won't sleep tonight or this afternoon lol but again good luck for tomoz x

Barbados girl - I've updated ur panel date x

Molly cat - Hope everything's ok with u, feel free to rant on here, we'll all understand  Also not sure how thing's happen with concurrent adoption, but can't see panel being much different, hope someone helps u on this x

PANEL ZONE

APRIL AND IN DATE ORDER

GOOD LUCK TO THE SPOUSES FOR TODAY- 

GOOD LUCK FOR TOMOZ PHINE35  


Thespouses - 22/4 
Phinie35- 23/4
Weemoofrazz - 24/4
Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Barbados Girl - 30/4
Bunny888 - TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - 19/5

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
Lorella- TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl


----------



## Butterfly06

Hi just a quickie to wish everyone who is for panel this week bags and bags of luck. TRY to remember that you have done loads of preparation work for this date with your sW and if you still feel enabled for the job then you are there for the right reasons. I just can't imagine how you all must be feeling. 

I read that someone printed off panel questions. Can someone direct me to the right place? Although we r still Agee weeks away yet I'm starting to quietly panic. 

Xx butterfly


----------



## thespouses

We passed, in record time too (10 mins). The questions vary according to your situation though - ours were tailored to us and to 2nd time adopters.


----------



## mafergal

Congratulations thespouses! Excellent news! x  

Good luck for tomorrow Phinie! x


----------



## mafergal

Hi butterfly, as thespouses said there aren't standard questions, they are personalised to you, your situation & your PAR. Eg. I'm sure we will be asked about a male role model, work & the distance to our support network x


----------



## babas

Congrats the spouses!! Xx


----------



## somedaysoon

Congratulations the spouses! Brilliant news! That was very quick too. 

To those who are wondering about panel, we were first of all asked about what we enjoyed about working with children. We were then asked about our matching criteria and why we had ruled out certain disabilities. They wanted to know how we thought our family would react to us having a child which wasn't biologically ours. Finally we were asked what sort of challenges we would face during the teenage years. About five minutes wait later, they came back with their decision.

Wishing babas all the very best for tomorrow x


----------



## Barbados Girl

Woo hoo, congrats thespouses!


----------



## Beckyboo3

Congratulations The Spouses ! X


----------



## Hunibunni

Congratulations thespouses and good luck for tomorrow Phinnie 

Xx


----------



## thespouses

Yes good luck for tomorrow, they are coming thick and fast!


----------



## Caroline S

Congratulations to everyone who have been to panel.  We are just waiting til panel, so not really been on here much as I'm distracting myself with work!  Good luck to those at panel this week.


----------



## Dawn7

Congratulations The spouses! and wow that is record breaking time lol

Update on the Mummies to be board

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
The Spouses

GOOD LUCK PHINIE XX


----------



## Butterfly06

Fab the spouses. Wow I wonder are the panels themselves becoming under pressure for time as well. Think we forget about the decisions and stress that they must have 
Good luck to those up this week


----------



## StarryEyed

Fantastic news the spouses and good luck Phinie!


----------



## MummyPhinie

Congratulations thespouses.

Thanks everyone been feeling a bit nauseous all day. We all sorted and ready tonight as we are first on list!


----------



## Barbados Girl

Good luck!


----------



## liveinhope

Great news the Spouses and good luck Phinie... xx


----------



## babas

Good luck Phinnie!


----------



## DRocks

Good luck phinie


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck and well done!
So much happening. Exciting to read all the journeys  x


----------



## mafergal

Thinking of you Phinie!  

We got our official panel invite letter today, so we now know our time. Has made it seem very real in a weird sort of way.

x


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi Mafergal that's how I felt too. Started getting nervous butterflies when I got my letter. Not long to wait hun and the assessment part will all be over 

Xx


----------



## somedaysoon

Oops- meant to wish good luck to Phinie for today!  Hope it all went well x


----------



## MummyPhinie

Well it was a yes! Or rather a " positive recommendation"  

We were very prepared and if it wasn't for our professions would been very daunted as we walked in! The questions we had were quite tough ones but easy for us to answer and we didn't even need to leave the room to get our reply. 

So it looks like a sibling group for us!!  Just waiting on the ratification. Our sw was over the moon and so sweet!
Got to wait a few weeks for a matching meeting to take place as we are in a competitive link, but the first hurdle over.

Had such a lovely rest of day too at our spa and constant texts and calls which is so supportive, all my work colleagues cheered when I called the office!
Good luck to weemorfrazz tomorrow x


----------



## babas

Woop woop Phinnie!!! Well done. X


----------



## mollycat

congratulations phinnie.... hope you dont have to wait to long till matching panel hun xx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Congrats Phinnie. what were the tough questions? Gulp!


----------



## MummyPhinie

First one was about my past and my positive experience of adoption, but how would this impact on our children if there were difficulties with attachment 
How would we cope in our relationship with a sibling group, how would my oh deal with stress ( he is the least stressed person I know!) . Our contact thoughts, our childcare experience. I guess they were pretty standard and our sw had  put these on our list. She thought we might get asked ! A few other easier ones too! All done in 20 minutes! 
Seems like a blur now!


----------



## Hunibunni

Congratulations Phinnie x big sighs of relief hey...you go and celebrate!

Xx


----------



## Lorella

Congratulations ladies! Xxx


----------



## mafergal

Popping on again to say congratulations to Phinie getting a 'positive recommendation'   Bet you feel very relieved x

Also good luck to Weemoofrazz for tomorrow!

Hunibunni, it's a weird feeling & I get what you mean about the butterflies. I think it's the formality of the language in the letter that got to me. But you are right, not long to wait now...  

x


----------



## Dawn7

Congrats Phinie! U did get asked tough questions lol

Has everyone been given an idea of what u might expect to be asked by panel by ur sw's?

Also is anyone buying their sw a present at some point, if so at what point are u thinking?

GOOD LUCK FOR TOMOZ WEEMOOFRAZZ!

Update on the Mummies to be board

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
The Spouses
Phinie35

xxx


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Congrats Phinie   welcome to the waiting game again  

Dawn7 we were given some ideas of questions beforehand, on the day were asked how we will recognise and deal with stress, how do we think our lives will change with a lo and how did we find the prep course, easy ones really but Im fortunate that we have bucket loads of childcare experience, just not our own lol! 

We didn't do any present, too earlier days for us, I would say a token gift maybe once matched and settled etc would be more appropriate but thats just my thoughts personally, do what you feel comfortable and happy with


----------



## StarryEyed

Good luck today weemoofrazz!


----------



## babas

Good luck weemoofazz xx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Good luck!!!


----------



## Dawn7

Thanks waiting patiently, I just wanted to check whether it was a done thing or not 

Quick update with us, our sw is still writing PAR and has said we'll receive part of PAR tonight to go through, to make any changes that are needed. Still hoping to go to panel in 2 weeks time  

Mafergal - Looking forward to watching Wanted: A family of my own tonight, will sky + it so me and DH can watch it together.

Hope everyone else is ok and Babas it's ur turn tomoz  good luck hun xx


----------



## Treaco

Hi girls not been on for a while. Congratulations to all that have been to panel lately and got approved.  We got our panel date of 2nd June. Team leader 2nd opinion visit was today and it went really well so pleased to have that out of the way.xx


----------



## babas

Well tomorrows the day for me! Terrified is not the word!


----------



## Treaco

Good luck for tomorrow babas.xx


----------



## watakerfuffle

Hi Everyone

Lots of exciting news on here, Congratulations to those of you approved recently  

Had our first visit from a sw today. Had a chat about the process second time around and collected several forms we had completed. Feel like we have officially started our second adoption process now. SW was talking about not rushing the process and looking at being approved September time. Not as quick as I imagined going by some other second adopters but still not far away and all very exciting. 

SW also mentioned a new scheme they are about to launch, fostering to adopt but only for lo's who won't be returning to birth family's. Anyone else heard of this? , I imagine there is never a 100 percent guarantee though!


----------



## mafergal

babas said:


> Well tomorrows the day for me! Terrified is not the word!


Wishing you masses of good luck & sending calming energy your way Babas! Totally understand how you are feeling though! (The dreams I have had!) x


----------



## babas

Thanks Mafegirl! X


----------



## Beckyboo3

Congratulations Phinie and Weemoofrazz !

Good luck Babas for tomorrow x


----------



## Lorella

Good luck Babas xx


----------



## Dawn7

Congrats Weemoofrazz! i've put u on the mummies to be board, so happy for u and everyone on there

Treaco - Glad ur meeting went well and i've added ur panel date to the board too

I'm still awaiting part of our PAR to be sent through, but about to watch that programme about adoption on ITV at 9pm  I've asked my family to watch to get an insight.

PANEL ZONE 

GOOD LUCK BABAS AND HOPE U GET SOME SLEEP TONIGHT 

April

Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Barbados Girl - 30/4
Bunny888 - TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - 19/5

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- 2/6

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
Lorella- TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses - 22/4 
Phinie35- 23/4
Weemoofrazz - 24/4

xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Congrats weemoofrazz!


----------



## somedaysoon

Big congratulations to Phinie and Weemoofrazz! Phinie, we were asked some awkward questions too. One of the panel kept referring to how the child wouldn't be ours biologically.  She first asked why we had ruled out some special needs when doing matching criteria and if this was because we wanted the child to be like us biologically (which didn't make sense as we could possibly have a child with special needs naturally! ) and then about whether our relatives could accept a child who wasn't blood related.  I think they ask these sort of questions to see what your reaction will be.

Wishing Babas all the best tomorrow! Xo


----------



## MummyPhinie

Good luck babas for tomorrow x x

I'll give you the advice my friend did as it made me chuckle as I had been feeling nauseous for 2 days, her text said " whatever happens keep breathing in and out and don't be sick"


----------



## MummyPhinie

Also I got given a gorgeous bouquet of flowers off work colleagues and we had a lovely card this morning, sat with them smelling gorgeous all day!


----------



## Jacks girl

Thespouses - 22/4 
Phinie35- 23/4
Weemoofrazz - 24/4

Huge congrats ladies sorry only just posted my best wishes but been away having a post assessment/panel de stress lol!!! 

  xxx


----------



## Jacks girl

Just to add to the lovely Babas    Xxx


----------



## mafergal

Hope you get your completed PAR soon Dawn! Fingers crossed for you x

Jacks girl, hope you had a nice break & de-stressed 

Thinking of you today Babas 

I posted this link on another thread but thought it would be good for our group https://www.newfamilysocial.org.uk/web-links-to-nine-past-adoption-documentaries/ 
It's from a gay adopters site that I also use but this is from the none members area & some of the programmes are still really relevant.


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi Mafergal - not long to your panel now  are you getting nervous yet? Is DW enjoying her Easter break before back to the grindstone Monday? Yes Majorca was fab and destressed - mainly read most the week haha! Never get a chance to read that much normally. Must admit though sand and electronic readers don't mix - kept having to blow the particles off to see the screen haha!  

Dawn fx for your PAR. 

Babas hoping for a yes for you hun


----------



## Jacks girl

Ps Mafergal thanks for the fab link already been on and watched a few today


----------



## babas

I won't say too much as I don't want to worry people with panels coming up. We were approved but the way we have been treated in the last few hours was a disgrace.

We are so upset right now as we should be celebrating but it was a really traumatic experience.


----------



## Waiting_patiently

babas said:


> I won't say too much as I don't want to worry people with panels coming up. We were approved but the way we have been treated in the last few hours was a disgrace.
> 
> We are so upset right now as we should be celebrating but it was a really traumatic experience.


Oh no Babas what on earth happened? Hope your ok, and don't let anything ruin your moment, big fat  hugs  to hope your feeling happier soon xx


----------



## Butterfly06

Oh babas. That's a real downer and a disgrace as you say. U would think that being at that stage of the process you should be deserving of a positive panel experience to rev you both up for the next stage. 

Have you anywhere to make your feelings heard to?
That's just awful but I suppose if it happenedto you then it must happen. 
Big hugs 
Butterfly xx


----------



## Beckyboo3

Oh Babas really sorry to hear that you had a bad experience at Panel but hopefully your SW is supporting you and you can celebrate a bit tonight as you have come so far. I can only imagine at that moment ! - but must be a great feeling ! X


----------



## becs40

Oh Babas, congratulations but sorry to hear afterwards hasn't been good. Really hope you can put it to one side and celebrate being approved?


----------



## Dawn7

Congrats Babas! So sorry to hear that panel was traumatic for u both, but we're all here for u and i'll try and cheer u up by adding u to the mummies to be board   

Mafergal - We have received some of our report and hope to have it all read and completed for weekend to get to May panel  
Also it's u up next, hope the weekend flies by for u   

April

Babas- 25/4
Mafergal- 29/4
Barbados Girl - 30/4
Bunny888 - TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - 19/5

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- 2/6

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
Lorella- TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Babas  

Hope everyone else is alright and hope u all have a fab weekend xxx


----------



## babas

Thanks guys. To be honest we feel crushed and its doubtful we'll get matched in our local area if at all.


----------



## StarryEyed

Congrats on the approval Babas. I hope your experience doesn't hold you back too much. Will be keeping my fingers crossed for you x


----------



## mafergal

Babas, sorry your panel was such a negative experience! Why they had to do that when they were approving you is beyond me. At least it is a recommendation & maybe it's a saving grace if you get matched with another LA so you don't get double whammied with them?! I know they have been quite negative previously for you. Sending hugs   x

Jacks girl, glad you had a nice break! Sounds wonderful! We had a little break last week in Devon & are visiting more family at the weekend. DW has been doing work most of this week. She has inset on Mon & then is in Tue am then it's panel pm. I'm so nervous, still not sorted my outfit but I got my hair cut today so at least I look ok from the neck up  

Glad you found the link useful. I've only watched a couple so far but really glad I did. Need lots of tissues. 

Dawn, fingers crossed for May. Are you happy with your PAR so far?

Can't believe it's us up next, so nervous & dreading the questions bit. So far it's just us guessing what they will ask...

Hope everyone else is well & has a good weekend x


----------



## babas

Just a question if we insist on a children from outside our area can we go to panel in the other area?


----------



## Loopylou29

If you are matched with children from a different la the panel should be in that la. Your sw will still have to attend though.
Congratulations on being approved - not sure whats happened but we had problems but have gone on to adopt twice.


----------



## mafergal

I think matching is always done in the Childs LA? Our SW has been to matching this week at opposite ends of the country(we are mids) Hopefully someone who knows for sure will reply x

Edit: As/see Loopylou above


----------



## babas

Thanks guys I can't bear the thought of being subjected to that again at our panel. Went our for a lovely celebration tea and didn't eat a thing. Was trying not to sob. I feel stripped of any confidence and so upset right now. I should be out celebrating but I feel awful.


----------



## Loopylou29

Babas

I'm not trying to worry you but whatever has happened within panel will be given to a childs sw for them to read. It may be worth asking to see the minutes to make sure they are accurate.


----------



## babas

Yes Loopylou we thought that in which case I think a match is unlikely!


----------



## somedaysoon

Sorry to hear about your experience, babas. Can't imagine what must have happened. Glad you have been approved though. I think you can adopt from most places in UK if you go through the national register (aris if you're in NI). Congratulations to you both x


----------



## babas

The chair had a massive issues with us. We've been asked to do some things before we go to matching panel which our social worker and her manager do not agree with but are feasible I.e volunteer work so I'm happy to proceed on that basis but her main issue was our age. 

The chair asked about our age. She mentioned it at the start and asked why a family now and I answered married, bought house this is next step etc. Nothing more than that was mentioned. They were like a dog with a bone about my childhood though and it was awful. 

The manager sat with me afterwards as I was so upset and when they came in to tell us everything turned on us being too young to be parents. We won't seek support as we're too young, we won't know how to parent we're too young, adoption support is aimed at much older parents so we can't have that it went on and on. The voluntary work is not because we don't have enough childcare experience it was because our age means we lack life experience due to our age. The chair was furious (and told us) that the rest of the panel thought we had a lot to offer a child so wanted to approve. So she said well I'll approve you and wait to see it all go wrong. 

We had really good references, well educated, good jobs, high earners, nice house, large extended family, childcare experience and lots of volunteer work and hobbies! I really am crushed by the whole experience.


----------



## mafergal

Babas that is absolutely awful! Not that t makes any difference but do you mind me asking how old you are? Teenagers? It's one thing to ask a question, it's another to have a perfectly good answer & then be as you say 'like a dog with a bone'. 

I can't believe a Chair can get away with speaking to people like that. I would deffinitely put in some sort of complaint/write to the LA about the experience & push for your SW to also make a complaint. That last comment is SO unprofessional & opinions like that are spiteful & uncalled for. Sounds like the 'Chair' should not have that position. Your heart would sink if you did get matched with your LA & it was the same Chair with such a negative attitude.

I feel awful for you


----------



## babas

We're in our late 20's! So not young!


----------



## StarryEyed

Hi Babas,

First I'd like to say that smacks hugely of age discrimination, and secondly that a negative panel may not stop you from being matched, especially if your social worker was not happy about it. I have heard of a panel member no longer being allowed to sit because of the way they treated a prospective adopter and they went on to be matched and adopt anyway. Again they were like a dog with a bone over something unnecessary. I don't know how it works with the Chair but age shouldn't be an issue as long as you are above the lower age limit (that's why it's there)


----------



## Bunny888

Came on to share my news. Horrifies at what sounds like a terrible experience. So sorry Babas. Don't let it dampen what is still an exciting future, regardless.

DH and I went to panel last week! Approved!!! Over the moon. All the heartache now feels worth it. Can I ask, as this is the part I am stuck on, how did you all share approval news? Who do we tell? Just friends and family and let word spread? 😀


----------



## babas

We've announced it as we bought a people carrier and everyone thought I was pregnant! X


----------



## Bunny888

Ahhhh. Lol. I love that. You are pregnant.......in your heart!!


----------



## babas

Congrats Bunny!

I feel a lot better this morning. Our age has never been an issue to SW or her manager or any other agency/SW we spoke to so hopefully it won't cause problems moving forwards. 

We have a stable loving home to offer and I'll take a career break (which she also hated) so I think anyone with an ounce of common sense and considering a child's best interests would be happy to place with us. I just felt very shell shocked yesterday.


----------



## becs40

Oh Babas I'm so sorry thus 1 person completely ruined what should have been such a happy day. Glad you're feeling better about it today. It was one petty minded person who for some reason has a bee in their bonnet about your age, focus on the fact the rest of the panel, your sw and manager totally disagreed with them! 
I would definitely agree with putting in a formal complaint, especially if they were a lone voice. It may well mean if you do have a matching panel in your own LA they would deliberately exclude them from panel for fear of bias.
Good luck and hope you can pick yourselves up and have a real celebratory weekend!


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Babas I'm just catching up on your panel. First of all congratulations on your approval, that's one hurdle out of the way. Secondly I am in shock and utterly disgusted at the way you were treated. I seriously consider that you put in a formal complaint against the chair, how disgusting. Late 20's isn't to young at AT ALL so they are talking complete nonsense. So upset for you. Please take it further!!

Congrats to everyone recently approved. I'm so happy for you all.

We seen our PAR on Thu, it's now with Admin getting prepared to go to panel. Panel is 3 weeks on Monday and I'm literally counting down the days. Praying for no more delays. 

X


----------



## katie c

<sneaking on> babas, I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience. Yes, you are young in adoption terms, I don't think I've come across any twenty somethings...but isn't being young a massive plus? It is IMO! I feel really sad sometime that master c has parents in his 40s albeit I feel pretty young for my age!

As for post adoption support bring aimed at older parents, what a crock. So far I've been to theraplay and stay and play and I never saw anything to state it was over 40s only!

So much for respecting diversity. I'm disgusted on your behalf


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all

Babas I just want to send you a virtual hug  . Age is but a number. I am sure you have proven to get to panel that you are more than capable of going the distance. The process tests our commitment at every stage and to get your yes from the other panel members shows just how committed you guys are.   you will be a fantastic mummy. Its just a shame after every thing you have been through you have had a bad experience of panel. Let's hope you get a placement in the next county and its a different chair. I think you need to feedback how you found panel so disappointing. I know our local authority highly values any feedback as it helps them improve the experience for adopters. Delighted to hear you got your positive recommendation though and its clear the other panel members were delighted with your application from what you have said. You guys sound ideal to me from your description and dedicated. They would be have been incredibly foolish to reject you on the Chair's grounds. 

Mafergal my fingers and toes are crossed for the 29th 

Adoption Dreams hoping for a smooth three weeks and panel for you 

Bunny congratulations to you 

Well AFU we are awaiting our ratification letter. Our landlords have confirmed they will renew our tenancy in the Summer for another 12 month term (we have been here almost 18 months) which gives us the stability we need for a match and them peace of mind. I was panicking for some silly reason they wouldn't but they have bent over backwards for us for 18 months and us likewise for them, so it was odds on it was going to be a yes. My DS is 10 today and he keeps saying approval was his best present yet as he is desperate for his sibling to join the family, which I think was really sweet of him to say. Back to work Monday boo. My skin is still calming down after the pre-panel stress and work stress (I am prone to cysts and acne) but its only four weeks till half term (insane as it is) and we have two bank holidays coming up! Starting to indulge in the buying of some items as we are approved for as young as poss!

Fingers crossed for all you lovelies in home assessment and with panels xxx


----------



## babas

Thank you guys! SW is coming back Thursday to discuss it all. Went little person shopping today so feeling a bit better. 

Did everyone else have a mix of panel members? Ours were all professional which the SW said wasn't normal.


----------



## Arrows

Babas -utterly ridiculous! It was Age Discrimination and I reccommend you make an official complaint. Write down exactly what was said and as your SW to support you. Disgusting!! We started the adoption process when I was 26, approved as adopters at 28 and matched with LO on my 29th birthday. Never a mention of age other than as a positive in terms of being matched with a younger child.
I'm so sorry you experienced that. Grrrr to the nasty cow and thank heaven the rest of the panel saw sense!

Today we had our son's first Adoption Day party.  A few friends at a local play area which he loved, then we all sang the Happy Adoption Day song (John McCutcheon).


----------



## Barbados Girl

Babas, what total flan! A couple on my prep group are in their late 20s and are absolute angels with bags of child care experience. They brought their 11 month baby home this month. How dare they treat you like that?


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Babas - Glad ur feeling better today, maybe once u get ur ratification u can properly celebrate, due to Friday's celebrations being ruined by the whole experience  Put that complaint through ur sw.

Mafergal - We have receive most of our PAR and have to say we are really pleased with it, hoping to get the rest by Monday to reach our deadline and be able to make May panel.

Bunny888 - Congratulations on ur approval, i've put u on the mummies to be board 

Adoption Dreams  - Hope u were pleased with ur PAR, nice that urs hasn't been done all last minute lol


PANEL ZONE

April

Mafergal- 29/4
Barbados Girl - 30/4
Bunny888 - TBC

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - 19/5

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- 2/6

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
Lorella- TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Babas  
Bunny888

xx


----------



## mafergal

Glad you're feeling better Babas.

Thanks Dawn and Jacks Girl, spent the day with some family updating them on things and it's made me even more nervous talking about it all.  I will be keeping myself very busy over the next couple of days


----------



## babas

Feeling so low today. I should be elated but instead I feel totally defeated. I've hardly slept neither has hubby. We have no idea what impact Friday has for matching. No idea how we're going to do the voluntary work. Even if we are matched I have no idea how we move forward back to panel.


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

We are still in limbo land, as we have not seen the report from our 1 to 1 session (over 3 weeks ago!) or our PAR report. Our SW has sent our financial statement to the chair panel and is speaking to her today. She is going to get back to me tomorrow about what happens now and if we are still on for June Panel. I watched the programme the other night when the whole process took 6 months, but here we are 16 months later and still not at panel and wondering will it ever happen for us. Lets see what tomorrow brings!? 

A very frustrated, Ali.


----------



## Dawn7

Hey All,

It's nearly May   Only 2 more of going to panel this month - Mafergal (tomorrow) and Barbados girl (Weds) 

Mafergal - Hope ur ok and managed to keep busy this weekend, hoping ur feeling ok too, what time do u go to panel tomorrow? My DH is quite quiet until he gets to know someone and he's really nervous, we watched wanted: A family of my own together last week and he couldn't even watch the part where they went to panel, he said it was making him more nervous lol told him he'll be fine.

Jack's girl - Hope ur 1st day back at work was ok   Do people at work know about going through the adoption process? If so, I hope u received lots of attention. Also ur son seems so sweet and so mature for a 10 year old, bless him, seems like he'll make a super brother for ur lo (once u find them). Also hoping u get ur ratification letter too, very soon.

Arrows - Sounds like ur sons 1st adoption day went really well. Hope everything's going well for u this time around  

Babas- Hope ur ok hun, has ur sw not reassured u at all and agreed that ur experience at panel shouldn't of been like that? At ur time of need I think support from her is what u both need right now. I'm hoping at matching they see it as 1 persons view and everything goes well. I'd be like yourself and be worried, so sympathise with u fully. Hope as each day goes by u feel better, everyone else gave u a yes at panel so I think you'll be fine hun.

Alig1972 - OMG! 16 months, I'm stressing at being delayed for a 2nd time   I wanted that tv programme too and I thought it'd take 6 months to get to panel to, as we were told that our VA are doing the new process and times. To be fair to our sw, our panel was over booked and a 2nd panel day was created and fx we're going to panel next month, just awaiting confirmation. Hoping u get to see ur report, PAR and given an actual panel date soon. Have they said why it's taking so long? Anyway hope good news comes ur way soon x

Hope everyone else is ok, Just to let u know we have received our PR and it's amazing! obviously not perfect as we're not but we're really pleased. Deadline was today, I have text sw asking if DH can book his day off, but yet to here anything. This weekend has been so stressful, still think something may go wrong, trying so hard to think positive  

Anyway GOOD LUCK MAFERGAL - it's ur day tomoz xx

PANEL ZONE

April

Mafergal- 29/4
Barbados Girl - 30/4

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - 19/5

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- 2/6

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
Lorella- TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Babas  
Bunny888

xx


----------



## babas

So far we've had no real support. Our social worker only works part time so not sure when we'll get any. I was so distressed on Friday I couldn't really speak. You build yourself up for that lovely yes moment a moment you think you'll remember for the rest of your life. In remember thinking I would be elated and how I'd tell my future children it was one of the best days of my life. Instead it was horrific. I well up everytime I think of it. I feel like I've failed. I feel like I'm obviously not good enough. I am frightened about what this means for the matching process and whether we are even going to be considered for a child we would like to parent. 

I have no idea where we move from here. My confidence is shattered. The thought of going back to panel is awful. 

Mafegirl massive good luck for tomorrow x I wish you the very best xxx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Didn't want to read and run. You are absolutely not a failure, someone has randomly told you that you are too young when my friends (same age) were approved without a murmur. To me that shows this is this lady's issue. So sorry this has made you feel low. Is it worth seeking advice from BAAF/Adoption UK? I would have thought this seems a fairly clear cut case of age discrimination so is it also worth speaking to your social worker's manager and stressing how distressed you are and asking what support you will get around matching?

Xxx


----------



## Dawn7

Hi Again,

Babas - Sending big hugs to you   As Barbados girl has said u are not a failure and after weekend I'm shocked that this chair woman hasn't thought about how she treated you and contacted ur sw. It's easier I know for everyone to tell u not to worry but u will get through this  

Also it has been confirmed we are going to panel in May - SO HAPPY! EXCITED! AND SCARED! LOL

XXX


----------



## Barbados Girl

Wow, great, Dawn. That's just ten days!!!


----------



## babas

Congrats dawn! Xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Ali - hope you hear very soon 

Babas - sorry you are still feeling down about it all. I hope things improve soon  

Dawn - thanks hun it was bearable. Congratulations on getting confirmation of your panel. The countdown begins....

Mafergal - good luck for tomorrow          still working my my through the videos. The one from the nineties and the one about Maisie have been particularly interesting. 

Good luck too Barbados Girl too       

Tomorrow is 'screw up' day my friend at work has dubbed it as its the day our SW attends referral meetings. I am just going to busy myself with coursework and exam season, oh and my tutor groups' prom. Also, the endless little pre-placement jobs I have created for myself (as our feet won't touch the ground ladies when it all happens!) So I am determined to prove her wrong about waiting!!!!

Hugs to you all xxxx


----------



## mollycat

hugs babas.... stay stong hun xx


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hello

Good luck Mafergal for Panel today and Barbados Girl for tomorrow.

Alig1972 - sorry to hear about your delays like you our journey had taken forever ! And I understand your frustration x

As for us we have been given a new Panel date of 10th June !! Not getting over excited yet as have had a few cancelled but we are feeling more hopeful and our new SW is positive so fingers crossed !

Our SW has been out to see my sister (one of our References) they adopted their fourth child and she is a Foster Carer - so they talked about lots of subjects but she said we were mentioned a bit !! 

SW then popped and saw our son who was on fine form ! He talked a lot and he dazzled her with his football skills !! He told her he wanted a sister and a brother and a dog ??!! Think he was covering all angles !! 

Good luck to everyone else on their journey

Beckboo x


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone. Ali, hope you get some news today!

Thank you Beckyboo   fingers crossed for June.

Dawn, so pleased you finally have confirmation for May! If you're scared now ff 2 weeks   Can't believe how nervous I am! Thanks for the messages, I'm ok just nervous on so many levels - I hate being put in the spot light! Our panel is at 2.30, I'm on the train to meet DW half way. My stomach is churning something chronic.

Babas, wish I had some words of wisdom for you. Cant imagine how you feel. Thank you so much for your well wishes! x

Jacks girl, hope you get some good news today! Fingers crossed for a quick match   Thank you for the good luck message! Feel so nervous I need it.

Anyway here goes, fingers crossed  

Hope everyone else is well x


----------



## DRocks

Goof luck today Mafergal and DW


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Good luck Mageral, you should know by know hopefully


----------



## StarryEyed

Good luck Maefergirl!


----------



## Butterfly06

Good luck panel ladies 

Babas - I def am with all the other ladies in saying you should voice your concerns firstly to the team supervisor and then to BAAF. 
No 1 person should have stolen that moment from you. That's exactly what that chair did. It is as monumentus of an event as any and as you say it was going to be something you tell your children about as a celebratory event in searching for your forever family. It's completely horrendous. 
You should maybe also think about printing out your support posts you have received on here since that occasion as a way of 'bigger voice by numbers' kind of way. 
Time has passed and you are still very upset, which speaks volumes in itself. 
Age is merely a number, I know lots of 18 years olds that are as mature as a 50 year old.  On the other hand I also know lots of 40 something's who haven't got the sense of a 10 year old. 
The panel is a panel of people chosen for their eco in the adoption field. Try to find comfort in the other panel members that did not have issues with your ages. 
I would also be noting that you felt it unfair that your panel was made up of professionals only. Surely those that have been through the process and survived all the issues are those best equipped to judge us?

Try to gather your strength to fight for what is your right to your forever family. 

Hope u r feeling optimistic )

Butterfly xx

Hope panel went ok for everyone else.


----------



## babas

Thank you. You're right even though it was a yes, we've done some shopping, shared the news and had a few days to digest but still feel crushed. Hubby is far more laid back than me and even he feels bad about it. What should have been a magical moment of yes you're going to be a mummy was totally ruined. It's the one special moment I should be able to have. 

I have the social worker hopefully coming out at some point. Hubby said they didn't even congratulate us. He's right they didn't. 

The panel thing I will mention. No way was it diverse. All women of a similar age and all professionals.


----------



## becs40

Babas I'm way off getting anywhere near panel yet but can't believe what I've read and how you've been treated. This woman was clearly a lone voice hence the rest of the panel overriding her. It begs belief that she was against your age when in the natural scheme of things the majority of mums become mums in their late 20's so not sure what her reasoning with it all. I hope your sw gives you some support and some answers.


----------



## MummyPhinie

Good luck for those at panel this week!


----------



## Ruthie82

Babas - that is awful, try not to let that one person get you too down (hard I can imagine). If you have followed 'procedure' (which you have) what does age matter, that sounds like a very naive view. I hope she realises at a later time she was wrong. Take good care of yourselves both of you.

Hello to everyone else, hope your all well.

Not much to report waiting to start stage 2 hopefully in the next month or so. 

x x


----------



## somedaysoon

Mafergal, hope it all goes well for you. Looking forward to finding out how you got on.

Babas, I hope you get an apology for how you have been treated   I'm sure you will both be great parents. So weird how they picked on your age!  

My head is spinning as we've just found out about a possible match with a wee girl! It's very exciting and looks just right for us! Nothing set in stone just yet, but intros etc could all happen very quickly!


----------



## babas

Congrats Someday soon! 

Thanks for the support guys. I asked the SW and her manager about the age of their adopters and were one of the youngest they have ever put through so perhaps we just live in a old school area. Who knows. We'll just have to see what this week brings.


----------



## Butterfly06

Wow somedaysoon. 
Fandabbydosey!! 
Super exciting. )
Fingers and toes crossed

Am I right in thinking you are doing concurrent route?

Brilliant - hope it works out as you want

Butterfly xx


----------



## Nicola30

Hi everyone,

I am a regular observer on here, and have posted in the past but not for some time.

I am now in the wait club, awaiting our PAR - all stage 2 visits done, SW just typing it up, although our panel date isn't until 16th July which seems like forever away...

Our SW wants us to have a serious think about "foster to adopt" before she completes PAR but we aren't too sure with the uncertainty of it - does anyone have any experience?!?

I love reading everyone's posts, and look forward to hearing of more approvals soon


----------



## Dawn7

Just popping on before work to say GOOD LUCK BARBADOS GIRL -Hope the tube strike doesn't affect u too badly 

Some day soon - wow how exciting! fingers crossed this is ur LO

Nicola30 - Welcome - I'll get u on the panel board later

Mafergal - Hope ur nursing a hangover due to celebrations 

xx


----------



## Arrows

Good luck Barbados girl.
Well done to all those who have recently been approved.

We had another SW meeting last night and our friend was interviewed. All went well with her interview and SW was really impressed with all the support she gives and how we are already helping one another in preparing our LOs for a new arrival. Her DS is 2.5yrs like my LO and has been listening to conversations, then asking when LOs new baby will be coming. 
After some more discussion we've decided not to do foster to adopt.
I also mentioned the increase in Adoption Orders being challenged by birth parents, which she's agreed is becoming more common. Please be aware everyone, that although this is happening, it's incredibly unlikely that a birth parents circumstances will have changed enough for them to actually contest but it will be stressful.
Panel for us is 6wks today and we've been invited to attend some profile evenings  and when I asked about whether to  book a summer holiday, we seemed to come to the conclusion not to as things may move quickly once we're approved. 
We've delayed the H&S visit as still in the midst of renovations and have one final meeting in 3wks time to go over PAR and hand over our new profile. 
All go now!


----------



## watakerfuffle

Wow Arrows all moving fast for you, exciting. Our second process looks to be a lot slower :O( Our sw also mentioned foster to adopt, she said it was different to concurrency and some new scheme they were doing. Is this what you were considering?


----------



## Arrows

I reckon they're pretty much the same thing Watakerfuffle. My understanding is:
A child would come either straight to us from birth family or once a court date had been set, you receive a fostering allowance until the placement order is granted -during this time you have to facilitate visits with the birth family and the LA are in full control of everything that child can and can't do -you have to get their permission for everything as you have no legal parental authority. Until the placement order is granted that child could still be returned to the birth family. Once the placement order is granted you it's like last time, where you get joint parental authority but no longer get a fostering allowance. Not all workplaces will then give adoption pay so you have to check out what they'll do if you work.
We decided we couldn't afford to do F2A either financially or emotionally -the only exception for us would have been if it was a birth sibling of our LO but that isn't in the works as far as we know. 
It's right for some people and I fully admire those who make the choice to do it.


----------



## Jacks girl

Mafergal hope yesterday went well and Barbados Girl  xxx


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, very pleased (and relieved) to be able to tell you that we got a unanimous yes yesterday at panel.  I can't begin to tell you how nervous I was but chatting to our SW for about 30 mins before she got called in did help.  We were in there for about 15 minutes and asked about 7 questions; why our agency? Experience of prep? How we would deal with possible discrimination with our LO at school with having two mums? Why our pref for a boy? Male role models? Support network in an emergency? What would our LO call us? Must admit they asked more questions than I thought we'd get but they were the ones we had anticipated and we had the answers.  They seemed to like our responses.  So that's another   reached  

Sadly no hangover Dawn but we did go out for a nice meal and early to bed as I was totally drained from all that nervous energy.

A BIG thank you to everyone who wished us well and good luck for yesterday.  Also thank you to everyone for your support over the past 6 months (and hopefully the next ?? months to come).

Good luck for today Barbados girl!

Hope everyone else is well x


----------



## watakerfuffle

Thanks for info Arrows, sw said its different to concurrency as apparently you are placed with a baby that social services won't be supporting return to birth family but then she did say that they can't guarantee court will agree! I don't see how it's different to concurrency at all as it sounds the same like you say. I would be interested to explore it, I'm self employed and get no maternity pay anyway so a fostering allowance would be a big help but its so risky if lo did go back we'd be left devastated but to have lo not go through being moved about in fc would be a massive plus. Difficult one!


----------



## Dawn7

Congrats! Mafergal, that's great news, glad u had a nice meal to celebrate and again hope u both find ur LO very soon - Cant believe u got asked 7 questions lol we'll probably get 8 haha as DH is quite quiet.

Nicola30 - I've updated ur panel date  sorry I can't help with the foster to adopt scheme, as I know nothing about it

Arrows - Wow 6 weeks to panel, it'll fly by  glad u asked about AO's being challenged as it's good to know.

So still awaiting news from Barbados girl, then April's panels are all done and into May's   Although not many of us going to panel in May.

We got our confirmation panel letter today and we go to panel at 12.30pm, still really excited and nervous but I suppose that's normal x

Caroline S ur next  a week today!

PANEL ZONE

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - 19/5

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- 2/6

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7
Nicola30 - 16/7
AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
Lorella- TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Beckyboo
Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Babas  
Bunny888
Mafergal

Don't forget to keep me posted of any changes xxx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Hey all it was a unanimous yes for us today. We should get our ratification within 7 days but the decision maker is away so it might be longer.

We were asked how we think our lives will change when we have a child, what the main challenges will be for us and our family, how we will promote diversity for our dual heritage child, whether my husband had experienced racism and how I resolved the initially difficult relationship I had with my father in law.

They were warm, friendly and positive which makes me angry again for Babas. Even if your age was a problem(which it isn't) they did not have to treat you like that!


----------



## Dawn7

CONGRATS BARBADOS GIRL! That's great news, so pleased for u and glad u got there ok haha time to celebrate  xxx


----------



## babas

Well done ladies! X


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Congrats to the new approved mummies to be!! So exciting!

Tomorrow kicks of MAY!! Woo hoo.

19 days ... Not that I'm counting lol x


----------



## Lorella

Congrats Mafergal and  Barbados Girl! Xx


----------



## Butterfly06

Congrats all you April ladies and good luck to Ll the May 2014 gang 

Butterfly


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

A little update from me, after a lot of chasing we finally got our 1 to 1 reports and it all makes for interesting reading. It makes me laugh how they can judge your relationships with each other and family and friends all from a short interview. I have no idea how the scoring is done, but it came back my mum gives me little support, which is completely ridiculous and that had DH and I thought of relationship counselling, we have been together 23 years and married 18 years and they come to that conclusion after one hour, hmm...

Anyway we have a meeting booked next Thurs 8th with SW and another SW to discuss our 1 to 1 and also finances. I am hoping we get a panel date but won't hold my breath...! 

Another week to wait....

Ali


----------



## Dawn7

Ali - Sorry to hear about ur 1 to 1 report, maybe she used someone else's notes instead. But seriously, are u able to get her to change the comments, as they aren't true?
Also we had separate 1 to 1's but didn't get a report from it, but I suppose each LA and VA are different

MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Babas  
Bunny888
Mafergal
Barbados girl

xxx


----------



## alig1972

Dawn - the interviews were attachment style interviews (ASI) I think they are part of the new system, but could be wrong. We got interviewed separately and then scored and mine came back as slightly insecure but DH came back as insecure and withdrawn, but think this was because he was asked to give examples of how he confided in brother and mum and couldn't think of anything when put on the spot! I hope this one report doesn't effect our chances of getting to panel, but lets see what next week brings....!

Ali x


----------



## babas

We never ever got our ASI results.....perhaps that's why panel went so bad!


----------



## StarryEyed

Congrats maefergal and barbados girl! Wow the mummies to be are really filling up now. I'm full of nervous energy and I still have 6 and a half weeks to go! Got my last hs visit next week - yay!

Good luck to all those going to panel in May! x


----------



## Beckyboo3

Congratulations Mafergal and Barbados girl - great news ! 

Dawn when you got a mo could you put me down for Panel on 10th June - fingers crossed !!! Thank you x


----------



## Hunibunni

Oh wow congratulations all you lovely ladies who got their big fat yes's woohoo! Babas, Mafergal,  Bunny888, Barbados Girl.  There's so many of us it's so exciting!!

Sorry I've been AWOL but it's been hectic here. We have been linked to an 11 month old blue. Plan is matching panel end of May and intros to start beginning of June and I am still in a state of shock! So as you can imagine we have been busy getting nursery together and ordering pushchairs Etc 

Xx


----------



## Nicola30

We didn't get any feedback from our 1:1's either... Didn't even know that was a thing! I might ask my SW about ours...

Congratulations Barbados Girl and Mafergal!! 

I'm feeling a tad annoyed today, SW keeps asking for info, which I duly give, and then she asks for it again. I now need to go the office AGAIN tomorrow with copies of MOT certificates, insurances for cars etc. Only a small thing but super annoying when she asked for it the first time, I took it to her the exact same day grrrr

Anyways, just a small annoyance to go with the fact I have just had my wisdom teen taken out so I am feeling sorry for myself  

Hope everyone is ok, nearly bank holiday weekend


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Nicola30 said:


> We didn't get any feedback from our 1:1's either... Didn't even know that was a thing! I might ask my SW about ours...
> 
> Congratulations Barbados Girl and Mafergal!!
> 
> I'm feeling a tad annoyed today, SW keeps asking for info, which I duly give, and then she asks for it again. I now need to go the office AGAIN tomorrow with copies of MOT certificates, insurances for cars etc. Only a small thing but super annoying when she asked for it the first time, I took it to her the exact same day grrrr
> 
> Anyways, just a small annoyance to go with the fact I have just had my wisdom teen taken out so I am feeling sorry for myself
> 
> Hope everyone is ok, nearly bank holiday weekend


MOT certificates? Car Insurance, crikey there really going for it aren't they we had none of that requested!


----------



## babas

We had to provide MOT, car insurance, life insurance, house insurance and loads of other stuff!


----------



## Butterfly06

Sorry I've been AWOL but it's been hectic here. We have been linked to an 11 month old blue. Plan is matching panel end of May and intros to start beginning of June and I am still in a state of shock! So as you can imagine we have been busy getting nursery together and ordering pushchairs Etc 

Hi HB
Wow what fantastic news to read. I can imagine your excitement as you click on those 'add to basket' buttons!! This is what it's all for, your wee man will be none the wiser about all the preparations, he's in for a smashing life, enjoy every single minute. 

Loads of luck
Butterfly xx

As for others - yes we had to provide lots of documentation too  
News from sW is we are on track for panel 6th June. Aghhhh


----------



## Butterfly06

First paragraph is copied from hunnybunny  
Just to clarify - I have not been matched ))


----------



## Waiting_patiently

Butterfly06 said:


> Sorry I've been AWOL but it's been hectic here. We have been linked to an 11 month old blue. Plan is matching panel end of May and intros to start beginning of June and I am still in a state of shock! So as you can imagine we have been busy getting nursery together and ordering pushchairs Etc
> 
> Hi HB
> Wow what fantastic news to read. I can imagine your excitement as you click on those 'add to basket' buttons!! This is what it's all for, your wee man will be none the wiser about all the preparations, he's in for a smashing life, enjoy every single minute.
> 
> Loads of luck
> Butterfly xx
> 
> As for others - yes we had to provide lots of documentation too
> News from sW is we are on track for panel 6th June. Aghhhh


Wow we didn't have to do any of those bits, its bad really thats like not trusting people at all, its enough to spend time getting to know people, doing police checks, face to face references etc but car insurance etc? just silly if you ask me, they know what there doing though I suppose x


----------



## babas

We had a session with SW this afternoon now we have all had time to process everything. She is as upset as us as she really had to fight our corner. She is complaining and asked us to feedback to panel as well. 

She doesn't think matching will be problematic at all and has told me it may take a while but it will definitely happen. 

She agreed with all the things we were upset about which really helped me as I was worried she may trivialise it but she was very upset on our behalf. We are being set up on a buddy system and I will spend some more time with little ones. She also really understood how I felt a sense of loss at not having that happy moment. I still worry about having her at another panel but as social worker said lets show her whatever she throws at us we will deal with! 

Thank you everyone for your support its been ace. 

I feel a lot better moving forward so we will pick some paint for the nursery at the weekend!


----------



## Waiting_patiently

babas said:


> We had a session with SW this afternoon now we have all had time to process everything. She is as upset as us as she really had to fight our corner. She is complaining and asked us to feedback to panel as well.
> 
> She doesn't think matching will be problematic at all and has told me it may take a while but it will definitely happen.
> 
> She agreed with all the things we were upset about which really helped me as I was worried she may trivialise it but she was very upset on our behalf. We are being set up on a buddy system and I will spend some more time with little ones. She also really understood how I felt a sense of loss at not having that happy moment. I still worry about having her at another panel but as social worker said lets show her whatever she throws at us we will deal with!
> 
> Thank you everyone for your support its been ace.
> 
> I feel a lot better moving forward so we will pick some paint for the nursery at the weekend!


So glad you've had a chat with her and feeling more positive, enjoy the nursery painting ours is ready to do now but were away the weekend so will crack on asap after, exciting times eh! xx


----------



## Treaco

Hi girls 

Congratulations to all the girls who got a yes at panel Babas, Mafergal,  Bunny888, Barbados Girl.  Babas sorry to hear your experience wasn't good but glad ur sw feels the same and she is complaining as well and hopefully you can look forward to getting a match now.

Good luck to everyone who has panel this month and hopefully it will all be more yes's.

We have our sw coming tomorrow to observe our ds with my friends 2 1/2yr old child and she is also bring our par for us to read over the weekend and to email her with anything we're not happy with on Monday as paper work has to go to panel for Tuesday so it's all becoming more real now.

It's so nice to see people getting closer to their dreams of having a family.

Michelle x


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All, Hope everyone's looking forward to Bank holiday weekend 

Hunnibunni - Congratulations! on ur little blue, how exciting! So how old he is? Intro's in around a month's time too, amazing! so pleased for u.

Waiting Patiently - enjoy ur weekend away

Beckyboo3 - 10/6 How fab! It'll soon be here and i've updated the panel board for u

Nicola30 - It is bad that ur having to duplicate things, especially now with having ur wisdom teeth out, had mine out years ago and it was awful. Hope ur ok  

Babas - That's great news that you've had a chat with ur sw and she seems lovely and I hope u feel more positive about ur future and finding ur forever family.

6 days to go for us, so excited and nervous, keep thinking about questions we'll be asked 

Anyway hope u all have a great weekend xx


PANEL ZONE

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - 19/5

JUNE
Arrows- 12/6
Beckyboo3- 10/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC
Treaco- 2/6

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7
Nicola30 - 16/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
Lorella- TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Babas  
Bunny888
Mafergal
Barbados girl


----------



## Arrows

Sorry, having a moment and it's bugging me that the June dates are out of order so amended list

PANEL ZONE

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - 19/5

JUNE
Treaco- 2/6
Beckyboo3- 10/6
Arrows- 12/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7
Nicola30 - 16/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
Lorella- TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Babas  
Bunny888
Mafergal
Barbados girl


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone  

Dawn, congrats on getting you panel letter! I remember how real getting ours made it all seem.  We probably got asked a lot more questions when I think about it as there were supplementary ones too.  I'm quiet, hate groups but DW and I agreed before hand that I would take the lead on answering questions and then she would follow up with anything I'd missed  

Congratulations Barbados Girl! This group is on a very good run in so far.  Good luck to all you May panels coming up.

Thank you Adoption dreams, StarryEyed, Beckyboo, Nicola and Treaco. Nott long to go now for some of you   Your panels will be here before you know it!  

Also thank you Lorella, how are things going with you? Do you have a panel date yet? Hope your journey is going well.

Hunibunni that's great news, have fun and enjoy the mad rush to get everything ready! Congratulations on your link and good luck for MP! So pleased for you  

Ali, we never had a 1-1 report.  In fact out 1-1 meetings were after our PAR had been written.  Some LA's go too far I think.  We never had an ASI either.  If we did we didn't know about it   Car Insurance and MOT was mentioned to us and I recall there being a tick box on the H&S form we filled in along with questions about smoke alarms etc.  I asked our SW if we would actually have a H&S visit as most of the boxes ticked were to be sorted 'prior to placement'.  She said no, we've signed the forms to say what we will have done prior to placement and so that is binding and they trust us to do it.

Babas, glad your SW is on your side and supporting you!

Hope you all have a good weekend.  Take care x


----------



## Lorella

Hi Mafergal - all going really well here. We have a fantastic SW who is now saying will take us to panel July 17th a month earlier than thought, so very excited about that! Still some way behind all you guys though! 

Have a great day everyone xxx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Babas, so glad your social worker is suitably enraged for you. Nothing will detract from how that woman made you feel but at least knowing your social worker believes in you must be great support. Now let's get you matched!  

May Ladies- Dawn, Caroline, Adoption Dreams- not long now, how are you feeling?


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Barbados Girl said:


> Babas, so glad your social worker is suitably enraged for you. Nothing will detract from how that woman made you feel but at least knowing your social worker believes in you must be great support. Now let's get you matched!
> 
> May Ladies- Dawn, Caroline, Adoption Dreams- not long now, how are you feeling?


Feeling so nervous, anxious and excited all at the same time. Literally counting down the days to hearing that important word. Then we can finally share with family and friends xx


----------



## Jacks girl

May ladies  can't wait to hear your most excellent approval news  fx it all goes well    

Our ratification came today   finally, thought it would never come its says our case was put before panel on the original panel date though in March not the April one    so I wonder if we can blag having waited an extra month before we go on the national list hahaha!

Started the pre-match jobs today. Painting my chest freezer which until now was relegated to our garage doubling as hubster's work bench it is coming back inside the house for when I am off with an LO as we are stockpiling frozen and non-perishables so we don't have to buy stuff when I am off haha. I have already started on toiletries got some funny looks for the amount of tubes of Colgate I bought in the pound shop the other day hahaha!We are good friends with my ex who is my DS Dad who said I have become an adoption prepper! Even my spare shed is getting sorted out to become a pre-approval storeroom for my 'prepping'. God how sad do I sound lol but it gives me something to do to stop me becoming    whilst waiting. 
hugs to you all whatever stage you are at ladies xxxx


----------



## Nicola30

Hi all,

Hope everyone has enjoyed the start of the bank holiday  
I've chilled out a bit since last week, sorted all paperwork for SW (again) but I must admit to feeling slightly non trustworthy with them checking this stuff - I mean don't they think the DVLA would be fining me if I didn't have a tax disc? Anyhow, small fry in the grand scheme of things I suppose! At least she is being thorough...   

We are now just awaiting our H&S check on Tuesday, she is on with typing up our PAR and she wants to speak to our parents next week to make sure they understand what's happening (like we wouldn't of told them - it's all I go on about    ) but finally feeling like there is light at the end of this long exciting tunnel. I've even managed to blab hubby in to doing the garden lol. 

Love to all


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Hope u all enjoyed bank holiday weekend, we were away and I definitely feel refreshed, although with only 2 more sleeps  

I'm excited more than anything, just hoping that we get a unanimous yes like everyone on here and look forward to being matched.

I am constantly thinking of questions we maybe asked and how to respond, but I think everyone must worry about this  

Anyway

Arrows- Thanks for updating the panel zone

Mafergal - Thanks and I will suggest that to DH, that if I start to answer he can fill in the gaps and add to what i've said

Lorella - I have updated ur panel date in the post below (forgot to copy and paste the list before typing this)

Barbados girl - I'm feeling ok, excited and nervous all rolled into one lol Hope ur keeping busy and get linked soon 

Jack's girl - Glad you've received ratification, must be such a relief when it arrives - Are u all set and ready for a LO to move in or have u still got things to do?

Nicole30 - Glad ur getting there and u can see the light at the end of the tunnel, we can to, just hoping for that yes

Hope everyone else is ok, if anyone has any advice on how they coped with getting through adoption panel, that would be great  
and if u said anything that really pleased panel too would be appreciated xx

XX


----------



## Dawn7

PANEL ZONE

GOOD LUCK FOR TOMORROW CAROLINE S   FIRST UP FOR MAY, EVEN THOUGH THERE'S ONLY 3 OF US X

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - 19/5

JUNE
Treaco- 2/6
Beckyboo3- 10/6
Arrows- 12/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7
Nicola30 - 16/7
Lorella - 17/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Babas  
Bunny888
Mafergal
Barbados girl

XX


----------



## mafergal

Hi everyone, popping on to say   to Caroline S for tomorrow!

Then it will be you Dawn, so excited for you both! 

Hope everyone else is well and on track for your panel dates x


----------



## Hunibunni

Goodluck Caroline S for tomorrow

Xx


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Good luck tomorrow Caroline xx


----------



## Barbados Girl

Good luck Caroline!


----------



## babas

Good luck Caroline!! X x


----------



## Jacks girl

good luck caroline xx


----------



## Caroline S

Thank you everyone!  Not feeling too bad at the moment, but think it will hit us when we get there.  Our SW is more nervous than us!  I'm a little nervous about the questions too, I hope they don't ask anything to do with time off work, etc as DH might be changing jobs...again! Which then changes how long I'll have off, but all depends on when we get a match too, I just don't want to come across as too vague when really we just have a number of options available to us.  Anyway, I just keep telling myself that if there were any issues, they would have been addressed before now.  Best thing is Friday we go to Crete for a week.....I CAN'T WAIT!!!!


----------



## Butterfly06

Good luck Caroline


----------



## StarryEyed

Good luck Caroline!


----------



## DRocks

Good luck Caroline


----------



## Beckyboo3

Good luck Caroline


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

We have our meeting with our SW tomorrow afternoon and a another. Hopefully we can finally get some answers! At our last meeting our SW said she was aiming for June panel, so maybe (won't hold my breath!) we might actually get a date..?! Wonder what else there is to talk about and what still remains? Our Par is almost finished although we are still yet to see a copy, so fingers crossed this is now complete. 

Good luck to Caroline and Dawn...! 

Ali x


----------



## Caroline S

Phew...all done and it was a yes, the 3 questions were not what we expected, but easy enough to answer as it was things that we had already covered during our sessions with the SW. So ratification next Tuesday and onto matching.

Good luck Dawn for tomorrow.

I'm now going to get ready to go to Crete....think I need it!  

Thank you everyone! xxx


----------



## Hunibunni

Brilliant news Caroline. Enjoy your holiday xx


----------



## Dawn7

Congratulations Caroline  It must be such a relief to get that yes, FX we get one tomorrow

1 more sleep, if I can manage to get any, I'm at that stage now when my stomach's churning lol

I'm out celebrating my nieces 5th birthday tonight, so hoping this keeps my mind off tomoz, we face panel at 12.30pm

Here's an updated mummies to be board (hoping my names at the bottom tomorrow)  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Babas  
Bunny888
Mafergal
Barbados girl
Caroline S

Thanks for all the good luck's and i'll let u know how we get on, it's nice to have all this support up to this massive day xxx


----------



## Dawn7

Sorry, Caroline enjoy ur holiday x


----------



## babas

Congratulations Caroline! (Very jealous of your ratification time frame!)

Good luck for tomorrow Dawn!! X


----------



## mafergal

Hi Caroline, congratulations on you approval!  

Dawn, masses of   for you and DH at panel tomorrow! I'm sure you will smash it! Hopefully tonight will be a lovely distraction for you x


----------



## Barbados Girl

Congrats Caroline and best of luck Dawn!


----------



## Jacks girl

GOOD LUCK FOR TOMORROW DAWN AND HUGE CONGRATS TO YOU CAROLINE  XXXX


----------



## Beckyboo3

Congratulations Caroline and enjoy your holiday !

Good luck Dawn !!


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Dawn wishing you all the very best for tomorrow!!! X


----------



## StarryEyed

Congratulations Caroline and good luck for tomorrow Dawn.

Look at that list of mummies to be growing. It's fantastic to see!


----------



## Treaco

Congratulations caroline. Good luck for tomorrow dawn.xx


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Well I think I need to be taken off the June panel as the never ending saga continues. We now have to have some relationship counselling due to DH's affair 14 years ago and some of our answers on our ASI reports were different, so I have emailed relate today and see where that takes us. We both think it is absolutely ridiculous and plan to have no more than 3 or 4 sessions but just need something to show as evidence for our PAR report, we have been married 18 years and think we have a good relationship. Oh well at least the baby fund will be get a bit bigger. At least it is not a big fat no, just yet more frustrating delays...

From a tearful, Ali x


----------



## Dawn7

We got a YES, a unanimous yes too!

Thank you for all the well wishes too 

Ali - Sorry about ur news, fingers crossed u get back on track very soon xx


Will update the board tomoz xx


----------



## Arrows

Oh Ali,  
You obviously have dealt with it but it's a box to tick and who knows -maybe you'll find it helpful for another time? If you only do 4 appointments then that's only 2-3 months delay at most. I know that seems like forever at this point but I promise all the delays are worthwhile in the end! 
Our first time around started June 2010 and we weren't approved till March 2012. DS came home Oct 2012 and life has never been the same since!


Congrats Dawn


----------



## babas

Welcome to the mummy to be club dawn! 

Ali that's awful news.


----------



## Barbados Girl

So many congrats Dawn! 

Sorry to hear that, Ali.


----------



## Beckyboo3

Congratulations Dawn ! 

Ali sorry to hear about your further delays - our Journey has taken a long time as well. We were just getting excited about our Panel date of 10 June and just waiting for our PAR but just been told our SW has been off sick for the last two weeks  Not what we needed to hear .... 

Hope everyone else is ok.

Beckyboo x


----------



## mafergal

Congrats Dawn!   Brilliant news!

Ali, that IS ridiculous! Counselling on something that happened 14 years ago is madness (unless of course you feel you feel you need it).  To go to tick a box because your SW thinks you need to go is one of the most stupid things I've heard in planet adoption.  I doubt you will need more than one session as the first thing they will ask is "Why are you here?" and when you tell them the reason...  hopefully this wont hold you up too much x


----------



## StarryEyed

Congratulations Dawn!

I'm sorry about your news Ali. Hopefully as others have said this will pass quickly and not hold you up or delay you too much x


----------



## somedaysoon

Congrats to Dawn and Caroline!   Exciting times ahead for both of you. 

Ali, it's awful how they dredge up all the things you think you've dealt with from your past. I really hope it doesn't take too long before it's all sorted x


----------



## Lorella

Congrats Caroline and Dawn! Xx
Ali - can't believe that. It's ridiculous. Big hugs to you x


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Beckyboo - What a nightmare! Hoping ur sw has worked on ur PAR whilst she's been off and she hasn't caused ur any delay  

Hope everyone is getting on nicely, ive updated the board - Adoption Dreams ur up next, not long now till u get ur big fat yes 

PANEL ZONE

GOOD LUCK FOR TOMORROW CAROLINE S   FIRST UP FOR MAY, EVEN THOUGH THERE'S ONLY 3 OF US X

MAY

Caroline S - 7/5
Dawn7 (Me and DH) - 8/5
Adoption Dreams - 19/5

JUNE
Treaco- 2/6
Beckyboo3- 10/6
Arrows- 12/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7
Nicola30 - 16/7
Lorella - 17/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Babas  
Bunny888
Mafergal
Barbados girl
Caroline S 
Dawn7 (Me)

Bye for now xx


----------



## babas

It looks like we won't be ratified. I'm beyond devastated.


----------



## Loopylou29

Babas

That's awful news. Have you spoken to your sw?


----------



## babas

No she messaged to say the panel advisor considers there's flaws in our PAR/application and its likely we won't be ratified.


----------



## Loopylou29

I will pm you


----------



## Butterfly06

Babas. I am in complete and utter shock. I can't imagine to even begin to understand how you both must be feeling  
Is there an appeal system?  
Big hugs to you 
The system at its best again!!! 
Shocking and disturbing that you have gone through the whole assessment process to be let go at the final hurdle. What about the poor children who could of had a wonderfully fulfilled life with you?  
No words can express my sorrow for your situation. 

Butterfly xxx


----------



## babas

We had the call and it's a no.


----------



## thespouses

Oh that's awful. If your SW and the panel are OK, does this just mean they have to sort out the paperwork?


----------



## babas

No the assessment was lacking apparently and while all but one member of the panel were happy the decision maker has refused to ratify us.

I am beyond devastated.


----------



## mafergal

Babas i am gutted for you! Is it a deferment to get the PAR up to scratch  (where it's apparently lacking) or a definitive no? I just don't get it, i don't get a lot of the barriers that have been put in front of you   x


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi guys hope you are all well

Ali - what a ridiculous situation to be in! It beggars belief sometimes. You've obviously already overcome what happened as it was so long ago. I don't understand their thinking sometimes.  Sometimes you just have to play the game but still...damn annoying isn't it! Ok it's a little hurdle, but by doing it surely it will show them that you are a strong couple! Sock it to them Ali 

Babas - I've already replied on another thread but I really hope you can make them see sense. I wish you all the luck in the world hun

Dawn - congratulations on your approval. I hope you celebrated in style! Welcome to the mummies to be list  xx

AFM been a busy bee with meetings galore about little hunibun, baby proofing and getting things ready. Once you find your LO girls, it's definitely a whirlwind but it's the best feeling in the world! 

Xx


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Emailed Relate and the cost of the 6 sessions that the SW wants us to do would cost £500 so emailed SW to say we are not prepared to pay that for something we don't want or feel we need! Her response was could we get a referral from our GP??!!! So we have to go to our GP and asked to be referred for relationship counselling even though we have no idea why, are perfectly happy and have no history and no stress! Really?? Anyway sent an email to BAAF to get some advice and if it would effect us at panel if we refused...

From a very frustrated, Ali x


----------



## thespouses

Very good idea to speak to BAAF, they are very helpful.


----------



## Jacks girl

Hi all

Ali - sorry to hear you are having problems with the process. Surely after 14 years they can see you have dealt with it and it would actually do more harm than good to drag it all up again. Get some advice from the BAAF like the others have said...    to you xx

Babas - was shocked and saddened to hear your news. Its cruel to you and I just don't understand why they have put you through all that     to you xx

Congrats Dawn xx


----------



## somedaysoon

Hugs to Babas and Ali   Some very strange decisions made! Just hope everything works out somehow xo


----------



## Dawn7

Just coming onto show my support for u Babas, shocked and upset like everyone on here that you've come this far and been treated the way u have.

I definitely agree with contacting BAAF and maybe speaking to ur sw manager to see why ur PAR wasn't upto scratch, as that wouldn't be ur fault.

I know it would be a nightmare but could u try a VA? Means starting again, but means you'd have a fresh start, with a new sw.

Keep fighting for ur dream and family  I hope everything works out for u xxx


----------



## StarryEyed

Is anyone else stupidly nervous  . The countdown has begun, waiting to see my PAR knowing there is nothing else I can do but worrying about anything and everything. Today's dilemma is what will I wear to panel?


----------



## mafergal

Very normal in my experience starry! In fact nervous didn't do how I was feeling justice. Also, I didn't have my panel outfit sorted until the day before  

x


----------



## tinkerbell80

First off huge   Babas, that sucks.

Well not much to report here other than lots of paperwork, our work books are almost done DP's DBS is on its way back. Our references are almost back and then we are on holiday next week so all things adoption is at back of mind.
Family issues are still bubbling and it is all down to someone stirring the pot and making things up just to purely stir it up. 
So I am ignoring it as the latest stuff is laughable! As it is total bull****. 
But we are not moving and I have just taken on another 3 little people


----------



## StarryEyed

Maefergal - I'm pretty sure I won't have my outfit sorted until the night before and it'll probably only be a variation of what I usually wear! Until then I'll browse online, pretend I'll buy a new outfit and think of as many things as possible to do over the next 5 weeks!

I've also got to decide whether to take a full day off work or just the afternoon as it is likely I'll have an afternoon panel.


----------



## Hunibunni

Starryeyed it's most definitely normal to feel nerves...I was a wreck!  I wore linen trousers, a nice top and a jacket with flat pumps. I felt comfy and glad I wasn't too dressed up.  Thinking of an outfit took my mind off it in a way. Good luck hun

Tinkerbell80 glad things are moving again for you. Ignore what others say just concentrate on yourselves and you'll be ok  

How is everyone? 

Xx


----------



## MummyPhinie

Our link may be going ahead! If we get the nod next week we could be a family of 5 within 2 months!!!!!! Trying to reign myself in, as we are in competition, but the childrens social worker was really lovely, and ours was fab at supporting us too. Was nice hearing more about their personalities! If they say yes, full steam ahead on the shopping front as I have nothing!


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Hunnibunni - We're good just waiting for sw to get back next week, after helping us through panel, she deserves it  How are u getting on? Also we spent £150 in Ikea last night lol Cant wait to purchase big items lol x

Phinie - That's so exciting! FX that everything goes ur way, are u nervous at all? x

Adoption dreams - Not long till ur off to panel, hope ur feeling ok  if panel was anything like ours you'll be fine and it'll be a nice experience and a very good day.

Hope everyone else is still on track and things are running smoothly
xx


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

We heard back from BAAF and they said we needed more clarity for the reasons for being asked to do relationship counselling. So have requested another meeting with SW, she is going to come back to us with some dates...

One little step forward again.

Ali x


----------



## Butterfly06

Alig.  Every step counts. Good luck


----------



## Arrows

Hi all. Not replied in ages as been incredibly stressed with and awful lot going on and feeling like fireballs are beeing thrown at me from all directions!

So, this week my bro announced they're now expecting no. 3 but their youngest is only 8mths old. pleased for them but still...rarr!

Our building work is delayed with lots of unexpected problems. I'm tired and fed up with the invasion in our lives, the cost and the ultimate delay in getting our house up to parr for the H&S inspection we have repeatedly put off. It cannot occur later than 12days from now and very worried the inspector will put it down as an unsuitable environment for a child to be placed, causing a delay in panel and therefore trying to find a match, until it is done.

My students have their exams next week and the majority are not turning up which lowers my results and decreases my chances at a permanent job (I'm HP). Management are restructuring at work and so they're refusing to give me my summer term end date and/or my new academic year start date as there will be a lot of additional CPD required of us blah, blah, blah. This means putting in notice for DS to leave old nursery and childcare for starting new nursery cannot currently be arranged.

We have direct contact with siblings for the first time this weekend and not sure quite how I feel about it or how it will go.

Quite frankly. RARRRRR!

One very stressed out Arrows. x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

3 more sleep until panel and I'm already feeling the nerves lol x


----------



## Jacks girl

to Arrows and good luck to Adoption Dreams xxx


----------



## Jacks girl

Ali glad you got some advice off BAAF   you might find there might suddenly be less emphasis on it  xx


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi 

Alig - hope you are getting sorted and your meeting goes well

Phinie - good luck and fingers crossed about your match !!

arrows - gosh sounds busy at yours hopefully not so stressed today !

Adoption dreams - have a relaxing weekend and good luck for Panel next week x 

Hope everyone else is doing ok ?

Our journey just gets worst !!! Our new SW who has redone all our interviews and was going to write our PAR has now gone on long term sick ??!! They are going to get another SW to work with her to write it up ??

Also our medical update forms got sent to our old address and as she been off sick no one realised ...... Doctors has now received them but wants to re-see us before she signs them and they then still got to be sent to medical adviser. All paperwork has to be submitted by the 27th May so now slightly stressed not going to get to Panel on 10th June.

Enjoy the sunshine this weekend

Beckyboo x


----------



## Caroline S

Hi girls!


Not had chance to read back yet, but congratulations to Dawn!


Had a lovely week on holiday, but come back to an awful message from a couple who we have used as a reference and now worried they might cause some trouble for us.  They (he) has now said that they don't really support our adoption, not sure really why other than he seems to think that he is the perfect parent and only he can be a parent.  He has said that 1 child is a hobby, 2 is parenting, which is an awful thing to say considering they know exactly what we have been through to get our family, and for us it is continuing.  He is trying to dictate our life to us for some reason and I work with the wife, so not looking forward to work on Monday.  I just feel so sick over the parenting comments he has made, not everyone can get pregnant at the click of a finger, he has made some comment about us only having a child for our social status ? whatever that means?  He is American, so think some things have become lost in translation, but he has still used some hurtful comments and used disgusting language to DH.  Anyway, any advise would be appreciated, think we are going to mention it to the SW just in case they cause trouble further down the line.


Sorry for the rant, typical after a holiday I am still on Crete time, so awake at 4.30, 2 loads of washing already on the line, 3rd load in the machine, now its time to catch up on MAsterchef, although someone has spoiled the ending for me on ** lol! 


Love to you all! xxxxx


----------



## Hunibunni

Caroline that is so shocking! You must feel so hurt. What an awful thing to say to someone. Take no notice.  As for informing your SW I would perhaps wait a while as you are post approval anyway so will not change anything. I don't know what the other girls think? Things may calm down in time hun and once you get your link people's ill informed views soon change when there is a little person with a face and name. 

Xx


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Hope you've all been enjoying the sunshine  

Adoption Dreams - Good luck for tomoz, you'll be great! Remember panel want u to be approved and it will be over before u know it 

Beckyboo - Sorry to here ur news, what a nightmare, fx ur PAR is almost done and maybe ur sw can complete whilst off sick?  

Arrows - Hope ur ok hun, seems like everything's going on around u  chin up x

Caroline S - That's mental about what ur references have gone and done, as Hunnibunni said take no notice and I have no idea what to suggest or whether u should say something or not to sw. I would definitely stay away from them going forward.

I'm hoping to hear from our sw this week and also we received our ratification letter, so feels real now 

Anyway with Adoption dreams going to panel tomorrow whoop! there's no-one else going to panel now until June.

PANEL ZONE

JUNE
Treaco- 2/6
Beckyboo3- 10/6
Arrows- 12/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Ali - TBC
KimmiB - TBC

XX


----------



## somedaysoon

Caroline, it may seem strange but your referee might actually be jealous! Not everyone can do what we are doing and it is a very special thing to do. I have read of others who have had odd remarks made to them due to jealousy. Don't pay any heed -parenting is parenting whether you have one child, two or twenty!


----------



## Caroline S

Thanks girls.

Somedaysoon - a few people have said the same that they may be jealous, so maybe thats it.

Adoption dreams - good luck.

We have been invited to attend another course on 3rd June, this time bespoke trainging for those adopting who have a birth child, so that will be interesting.  Now that we are back from holiday we are making lists for preparing/decorating the room, thinking about our book for the child, etc.... wow, can't believe we are moving onto the stage for preparing for another child!


----------



## Dawn7

Well Adoption Dreams was the last of us to hit panel in May - Congrats again!

It's Treaco next and June is upon us, so not long to go

Here's an update

MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Bunny888
Mafergal
Barbados girl
Caroline S 
Dawn7 (Me)
Adoption dreams  

xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good to know there's lots of mummies to be x give us all newbies hope!


----------



## Jacks girl

Well done Adoption Dreams and huge congrats xxx


----------



## Caroline S

Congratulations adoption dreams!


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Thank you. I'm announcing to friends and family today. Feeling soooooo nervous about it xx


----------



## mafergal

Massive congrats Adoption dreams!   x


----------



## Treaco

Our panel has been confirmed for 2nd June and we r the last panel of the day, so just waiting on our letter now. Think I'm both excited and scared at same time.xx


----------



## Arrows

Having major issues with our SW trying to delay things and refusing to talk to me in person, just emailing. She's now said she's coming with her manager on Friday morning to discuss 'the timing of your assessment and application.' 
They knew when we'd first applied in Feb that we moved into the house in Jan, our DS is starting a new nursery in Sept and we were getting work done in the house which will be finished end of May. We're now 3 weeks before panel and they're springing this on us?!
Trying not to cry with frustration!


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hello

Hope everyone ok x 

Treaco that's exciting about Panel ! 

Arrows - I understand your frustration and hopefully the Meeting might just be clarification of a few points rather than a delay x 

I don't think we are going to make Panel on the 10th June ..... Saw the Doctor today and she filled in our updated Medical Forms ( another £30 each ) but luckily the Medical Adviser they have got to be sent to is local and my friend works in the same office block so she is going to drop them in personally tomorrow to save time !! 

Haven't heard from the Manager regarding who is writing up our Par as need it by Friday as has to be submitted by Tuesday and it's a bank holiday weekend ! Might be brave and email her tomorrow but unsure if I want to hear bad news and more delays. 

Take care everyone

Beckyboo x


----------



## Barbados Girl

Congrats to all those who have been approved. Becky and Arrows- sorry to hear about the delay, it is awful, isn't it?

We are waiting to hear from child's sw on potential link. More waiting, so tough!


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Well after lots more waiting for a response from SW, they are going to take us to panel! As we can't agree re the relationship counselling. I can't quite believe it and it is such a huge turnaround. Our SW is out of the office until Tuesday but will get back to us re a date then but it will be ASAP...

Feeling happy, for a change...

Ali x


----------



## Dawn7

Hi,

Beckyboo and Arrows - Hate hearing about delays, but on the positive (and what someone said to me) is that maybe ur LO's aren't ready for u yet. We were delayed a month and have been linked, cant help but think we were delayed for a reason. Obviously we haven't been matched yet but me and DH have our fingers and toes crossed.

Alig - Great news that after standing ur ground, that ur going to panel, let us know ur date and i'll get the panel zone updated 

Hope everyone's ok xx


----------



## Arrows

Alig great news.

Well. Today we had a meeting with our SW and her manager. They had concerns that they would have no evidence to demonstrate we had settled into our home without building work and that our DS had settled into the new nursery and therefore wanted to delay us until September. This was a shock as we had prepared for a delay of a month but not more. After a lot of discussion, a compromise has been reached.
We are now going to panel 14th August with the proviso that from today we are able to start looking at profile to try and ensure we get a quick match once approved. We'll be able to send out our profile, attend profile evenings and join Be My Parent. 

I'm not sure how I feel. Disappointed, relieved a decision has been reached, glad we can be proactive but overall rather deflated.
Another positive is that they absolutely love the book I've made (for introducing an adoptive child to existing children) and want to use it in their agency and suggested I try to get it published/ run a business.


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well back from holiday to a voicemail from social worker, to arrange a visit slightly worried but keeping positive. Nothing I can do til Tuesday but spare room is tidier now and all the baby stuff is in one place most of it is sil's other than cotbed


----------



## Jacks girl

Ali G glad to hear every thing is now progressing - hopefully that's the last bump in the road  x

Tinkerbell am sure it will be all ok. Fingers crossed for you and DH 

Arrows sorry to hear of the delay its good you can send out your profile though 

Beckyboo sorry to hear of your delay  

Treaco good luck with panel x

AFU nothing to report. Meeting with SW when she gets back from leave but at the moment I don't think anything is happening link wise. Little bit low but kind of expected it really

Hugs to all xx


----------



## tinkerbell80

Well tomorrow is when I will call our s/w to arrange a visit, really nervous especially after the last S/W. But nothing we can do the weight loss is going well as our increased activity levels. Vintage show season is well and truely in progress. But we are plodding along


----------



## Jacks girl

Tink fingers crossed for this new SW and agency     xx


----------



## Hunibunni

Hi all how are you all keeping? Gonna try and do some personals but please accept apologies if I miss anyone out.

Tinkerbell did you arrange the SW meeting ok? Good luck hun

Jacks girl lets hope you hear news when your SW gets back from leave

Arrows so sorry to hear of your delay, August will be here before you know it and perhaps it's the time you need to concentrate on getting ready. 

Dawn have you had your meeting yet?

Alig wow that is a turnaround perhaps common sense has set in? Let's hope so hey and you get your panel date soon

Beckyboo any news about your panel? 

Barbadosgirl hope you hear from LO's SW worker soon. The not knowing what's going on is a killer isn't it

Mafergirl how's things with you? Any potential links yet?

AFU got matching panel tomorrow and so far am feeling quite calm. It has been quite a roller coaster ride since finding out about LO just under 5 weeks ago! I feel like tomorrow is our last little hurdle to leap over then it's downhill to mummysville  

It's also my last day in work on Friday and planning going out for a meal. May be my last night out for a while so gonna enjoy it 

Anyway hope you are all ok what with waiting for approval and links.  

Xx


----------



## Ruthie82

Hello All,

Just wanted to say although I am particularly pants at posting on here - I read the post when I can and you are in my thoughts often. 

Love to all those in limbo or on a slightly different path to what they thought when they started.

So lovely to hear of many approved panel meetings

We are waiting to start stage two.

x x x


----------



## Treaco

OMG 4 days till panel, think I'm starting to get nervous and excited at the same time.  We have a long wait on Monday though as we are the last panel of the day so not until 4pm.  I have arranged to go to a class at 12-1245 and I'll then go home and get ready.  DS is getting picked up after school by a friend and she is going to keep him till we get back and will hopefully be picking him up with the news that he's going to be a big brother.

Tinkerbell did you get in touch with your sw to arrange meeting?

Ruthie82 hope you get onto stage 2 soon.

Jacks Girl hope you hear from sw soon.

Hunnibunn good luck with matching panel.

Arrows August will be here before you know it.

Beckyboo3 you're not far behind us.

Alig1972 hopefully you'll get a panel date soon.

Good luck to anyone I've missed.


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Hunnibunni - Sorry I haven't commented earlier but hope everything went well today, you'll have to tell us all how it went  We have had our meeting but wont know until next week if we're going ahead, meeting was positive and me and DH still want to go ahead, so FX and hope it was meant to be.

Treaco- 4 days eek! they'll drag lol but it is nerve wrecking and very exciting times ahead 

Arrows - So glad to hear about ur compromise, great news and August will soon be here

Tinkerbell - Hope ur sw rang with good news and there was nothing to worry about.

Ruthie 82 - When do u start stage 2?

Hope everythings going well for everyone xxx


----------



## Jacks girl

Hunnibunni hope it all went well. Great to hear your excellent news Dawn. Treaco and Hunni bunni thankseither way it will good to be able to catch up with her and discuss all our possibilities for linking if there is not anything within our local area to consider  Ruthie good luck with stage 2 xxx


----------



## Hunibunni

Thanks for the well wishes...it was a yes at matching panel.  Meeting our son for the first time next week. So excited!

Xx


----------



## Jacks girl

Huge congrats hunnibunni Mummy  xxxx


----------



## Ruthie82

Hunnibunni - Congratulations I'm sooo pleased for you.

Treaco - Thinking of you Monday

We were introduced to our social worker today and have arranged our meetings, they don't start until end of June, slightly disappointing as we have been in limbo 5 weeks from ending stage one now another 4 weeks almost on top of that until starting stage two. I understand why as we have a social worker who is new to the team so I can appreciate it is a busy time for her and she has a lot to do, doesn't help the frustration when you are so eager to be a mum, still on the positive we are on the right road.We have panel in October.

x x


----------



## Jacks girl

Yay progress Ruthie  enjoy home study xx


----------



## Lorella

Congrats Hunnibunni! So excited for you xx


----------



## StarryEyed

Congrats Hunnibunni - fantastic news. Heard that my report has been passed onto the adoption team manager today and hopefully will be returned tomorrow. Counting down the days to panel.


----------



## mafergal

Hunibunni said:


> Thanks for the well wishes...it was a yes at matching panel. Meeting our son for the first time next week. So excited!
> 
> Xx


  Hunibunni! Fantastic news! So happy for you, exciting times x


----------



## StarryEyed

Received my PAR today. Did anyone not put anything in the additional comments section of the form? I just don't know what to write. I think 1) I'm informationed out and 2) my SW has done a pretty good job apart from a few factual errors.


----------



## mafergal

We were told the comments box was to put the corrections, so we just corrected the online version instead & didn't write any comments.

x


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hello

Hope everyone is ok x 

Well after having a moan in my last post it has been a very hectic week for us ! 

The Adoption manager contacted us to say she was going to start writing our PAR as we had emailed a lot of information to them and she was going to liaise with our two social workers ! 
Emails have been going back and forth but last night it was all finalised and we signed it ! Got email this morning to say all had been submitted and we go to Panel on 10th June ! Our invitation has been sent out recorded delivery and we should receive it next week so we will know our time. 

After waiting so long feels really funny that it's all done and finished. Our son really made us laugh we emailed a photo of the three of us to go with our PAR and he said he looks gorgeous ( he does !!) daddy got wrinkles ( laughter lines !!) and mummy got her teeth out ( do big smiles !!) 

It's his birthday next week so that will keep us occupied and going to plan a busy weekend !

Treaco good luck at Panel next week.

Wishing everyone well on their journey.

Beckyboo x


----------



## Treaco

Starryeyed we didn't put anything in the comments box, just let sw know of any errors.

Things moving for you Ruthie

Beckyboo I'm excited and nervous for Monday, you're not long behind us.

Hope all ok with the rest of you.

Michelle xx


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Hope you've all had nice weekends in the sun  

Coming on to say good luck tomoz Treaco, you'll be fine x

Hunnibunni - exciting week for u, must be surreal thinking you'll be meeting ur son this week, so happy for u.

Starryeyed - Might be abit late here but we didn't comment on our report either.

Beckyboo - wow 10th June isn't too far away and ur son sounds way cute!

Hope everythings going well for everyone xx


----------



## Ruthie82

Beckyboo- that is such good news so pleased for you.

Love to everyone hope you've enjoyed your weekend and things are going well.

x


----------



## alig1972

Hi all

So after yet more chasing and SW having another meeting with her boss, they have decided to take us to panel and the Date is *26th June*....!! Starting to feel very panicky...!

Dawn, can you add the date to the list please 

Our SW is coming round tomorrow afternoon to bring our PAR report to have a look at, she says they still have some issues, but will explain tomorrow. The PAR has to be there for 12th June...

Can't believe this is finally happening after nearly 18 months of waiting and setbacks.

Ali x


----------



## Hunibunni

That's great news alig1972 it seems more real when you get the panel date 

How did panel go Treaco? Looking forward to hearing your news

Dawn I am so excited I could actually burst  had h&s check this morning and a lovely few minutes of Skype with LO he is so cute! Having a meal out with DH tonight so looking forward to that. 2 more sleeps til intros eek! 

Xx


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Hope things are progressing for you all 

Just come on to update panel zone lol

Treaco  - Hope today went well, hoping to hear good news soon

Alig1972 - Fab news! wow 18 months, definitely about time that ur now ready for panel. I have updated the panel zone for u too x

Hunnibunni - thx hun, we're mega excited too, but sw said not to get our hopes up just yet lol As our potential LO's are out of our LA , im having to go with the flow as I don't know when they will look to plan MP and intros. We have a meeting at the end of this month with medical advisor and FC's to ask further questions and again to confirm that we still want to go ahead. So pleased that you've got to speak to ur LO before intro's, thank goodness for Skype haha 2 days away from being able to see him in the flesh, im bursting with excitement for u now  

So after today Beckyboo you're next hun, just over a week to go  whoop!

JUNE
Treaco- 2/6
Beckyboo3- 10/6
Arrows- 12/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Alig1972- 26/6
KimmiB - TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7
Nicola30 - 16/7
Lorella - 17/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Bunny888
Mafergal
Barbados girl
Caroline S 
Dawn7 (Me)
Adoption Dreams

xx


----------



## Treaco

We're delighted we got a YES at approval panel today for a little lady aged 0-4 so just a waiting game for a match now.xx


----------



## mafergal

Congrats Treaco! Excellent news x


----------



## Lorella

Huge congrats Treaco! Xx


----------



## Dawn7

Another mummy to be on the board, well done Treaco, congrats!

MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Bunny888
Mafergal
Barbados girl
Caroline S 
Dawn7 (Me)
Adoption Dreams
Treaco 

xx


----------



## Forgetmenot

Wow! Lots of mummies.... Wishing your bubbas soon x


----------



## StarryEyed

Congratulations. That's fantastic news to hear Treaco! x


----------



## Beckyboo3

Congratulations Treaco that's fantastic news ! Hope you celebrated lots !!

Beckyboo x


----------



## Hunibunni

Congratulations Treaco...mummy to be  xx


----------



## Arrows

Great news Alig and Treaco!

Updated to reflect our August panel date.

JUNE
Treaco- 2/6
Beckyboo3- 10/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
Alig1972- 26/6
KimmiB - TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7
Nicola30 - 16/7
Lorella - 17/7

AUGUST
Arrows- 14/8
Live in Hope -TBC

UNSURE or TBC

Mamu
Ruthie82


MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Bunny888
Mafergal
Barbados girl
Caroline S 
Dawn7 (Me)
Adoption Dreams


----------



## Treaco

Thanks Girls, it still feels surreal to know that we have finally been to panel and all the paperwork and visits are over(apart from the odd visit just to make sure all going ok).

We told our bs that he is definitely going to be a big brother and when we come back our holiday(we go on 20th June) he is going to start saving to buy his little sister a build a bear when the time comes.

It's exciting to know that we are going to be a family of 4, we know that we're probably going to have to wait for a match but we're ok with that as have our son and all his activities to keep us going in the meantime.

To everyone going to panel soon or in the near future, it's not a scary as we thought it would be, we were only in for about 15mins and they asked us to introduce ourselves and then asked us how we found the process and what we had learned about ourselves and after that only asked us about another 2/3 questions, then asked us to go out while they discussed it, we only waited a couple of mins and our social worker and her manager came out and told us that we had been approved.  It did seem like the longest couple of mins in the world but it was well worth the wait.

Hope it keeps going well for everyone.xx


----------



## Caroline S

Treaco - thats fab news! xx


----------



## MummyPhinie

That's fab news on the new mummies to be.
I haven't posted in this thread much as im in the June mp and intros  
We are submitting the paperwork for panel hopefully on 18th June. Hasn't really.y sunk in that by end July we will be a family of 5!


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Scrub me off the panel list (again!) 

I knew it was too good to be true, as we had a nightmare meeting yesterday! 
Basically we can go to panel, but they are not going to support us (even written on report that they don't support our application)and our PAR report has been written by our old social worker (who just didn't get me!) and is horrendous, you wouldn't know it was a report about us, as she has picked up on our negatives and highlighted them a million times and doesn't highlight any of our positives and strengths. 
We have been chasing since January to see this report and have been fobbed off so many times and they have not done anything to it since our old social worker went on maternity leave. 
We feel like we are being punished for our social workers incompetence and lack of people skills and no-one wants to put any work in to correct her mistakes. 

Anyway we are not sure what to do now, as we can't go to panel with the report as it is, as we would be turned away straight away! And yesterday they were saying if we want to stop now and try again in a couple of years, which is what I think they want us to do. We have another meeting with them next Tuesday, so we have a week to to make notes and comment on the report. 

Been in tears all night   

Going to phone BAAF and get some advice…! 

Ali x


----------



## Dawn7

Aww Ali, that's awful news, its so bad that there isn't a decent system in place in case a sw is on maternity leave (you'd think the sw on maternity leave, they would be sympathetic to u  with the journey u go on to become adoptive parents).

I think ur doing the right thing, I would definitely call BAAF and hope they can help u through this terrible time, not surprised ur in tears, I'd be the same.

Keep up the fight for ur dreams of becoming a family, these things are sent to try u and u will get there hun  

Big hugs xxxxxx


----------



## Ruthie82

Treaco - that's great news

Ali - that sounds awful, thinking of you and hope BAAF shed some light.

Dawn - we have been told panel is October.

How long after your four months stage 2 until most people went to panel please?

x


----------



## tinkerbell80

Our s/w is coming to see us on Wednesday, we also had dates through for our other 3 days plus a letter from my consultant which we know for certain that we did not get last time supporting our application. Still no issues on our weight and she supports our plans to do a video diary too, so we are looking for a handheld dvcam to do so. 
I am so nervous that it will all go wrong


----------



## Dawn7

Hi All,

Hope ur all having a nice weekend, hoping to read about more links and hearing about how ur all getting on x

Ali - I haven't scrubbed u off the board as u will get there, I've put u back in the TBC section   hope u managed to speak to someone helpful at BAAF and continue going forward.

Ruthie82- I've put u on for Oct 

Beckyboo ur next hun  not long now, hope ur feeling ok x

JUNE

Beckyboo3- 10/6
Arrows- 12/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
KimmiB - TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7
Nicola30 - 16/7
Lorella - 17/7

AUGUST

Live in Hope -TBC
UNSURE or TBC

OCT

Ruthie82

TBC

Mamu
Alig1972

MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Bunny888
Mafergal
Barbados girl
Caroline S 
Dawn7 (Me)
Adoption Dreams
Treaco 

Enjoy the rest of ur weekends xxx


----------



## Arrows

Dawn, you forgot to change mine to 14th Aug!


----------



## liveinhope

Our panel is 25th September


----------



## Kboo36

We're at panel on 5th august x


----------



## Dawn7

Sorry Arrows, must of used an old list - Live in hope and Kboo ive added ur dates, its really exciting when u get a panel date 

JUNE

Beckyboo3- 10/6
Starryeyed- 16/6
KimmiB - TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7
Nicola30 - 16/7
Lorella - 17/7

AUGUST

Kboo36 - 5/8
Arrows - 14/8

SEPTEMBER

Live in Hope - 25/9

OCT

Ruthie82 - TBC

TBC

Mamu
Alig1972

X


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Quick update, BAAF have recommended that we go to panel and then we can appeal the decision and also complain about how we have been treated throughout the whole process. They have said the PAR reports sounds like it is badly written (there is still pages of things still highlighted in red to be followed up!) and panel will pick up on this. Panel is not just to assess us, but also that SW has completed her assessment fully and they haven't so will be embarrassed on the day. We have spent the last 2 days making notes and comments about the PAR report and just have a few more pages of summary to go through tomorrow and also makes some notes about all that has gone wrong throughout the assessment. We have a meeting with the SW and boss on Tues 10am to discuss how we want to proceed. Bring it on!!! We are going to fight this all the way!!!!

Feeling a bit more positive that this is definitely not the end of the road for us. Potentially panel date 10th July but this is yet to be confirmed until after our meeting!

Ali x


----------



## mafergal

Just want to say good luck for your meeting on Tue Ali! BAAF's advice makes sense to me. If you put that over to the SW & boss as eloquently as you have here, along with the through write up you have done, highlighting all their errors; I'm sure there will be a turn around, I really hope there is. 

Panel do always seem to ask you how you found the process. They asked us if we had any comments about our SW, prep, the agency etc. Once again, good luck x


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi

Ali - hope you get things sorted at your meeting seems very unfair you are being treated this way x 

We had our DS birthday party thus weekend so that has kept us busy and the sun was out so we went down the beach and out for tea so tried to be occupied and not think about Panel on Tuesday ! Got our letter and our time is 1pm so not to bad as will take 1.5 hours to get there.

Our SW sent us two profiles last week one was just a Profile but the other was the full CPR of a little blue so been reading that a lot over the weekend and there are no real issues which scare us or we don't think we could handle ??!! He sounds a little poppet and we have asked for more up to date information as report was written a few months ago. We will see her tomorrow so if all good going to take it further !!

Hopefully going to be an exciting week x 

Hope everyone else is doing ok on their journey x 

Beckyboo x


----------



## Treaco

Good luck for panel tom beckyboo3.xx


----------



## Dawn7

yeah good luck for tomoz Becky boo  you'll be fine xx


----------



## Ruthie82

Thank you for updating me on the list

Good luck ali tomorrow.

Becky thinking of you tomorrow


----------



## StarryEyed

Good Luck tomorrow Becky. Will be thinking of you x


----------



## mafergal

Just popping on to say good luck for panel Beckyboo x


----------



## Hunibunni

Good luck for today Beckyboo  x


----------



## Forgetmenot

Good luck today..... hope it's the start if another happy journey x


----------



## Barbados Girl

Good luck Becky!


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hello

Thank you for all your good luck messages  - we got a yes at Panel !!

Didn't feel nervous until we were in the room there were nine people and seven asked us questions mainly about our son.

So pleased and can't quite believe it ! Hadn't eaten much all day so we celebrated with drive-thru Mcdonalds and rushed back for the school run !! Going to have a large glass of wine in a mo !

Thank you for all your help and support and here's to the next chapter in our journey.

Beckyboo x


----------



## Lorella

Many congrats Beckyboo! Enjoy your well deserved glass of wine xx


----------



## Treaco

Congratulations beckyboo. We were the same last week, as soon as u walk through that door the nerves just kick in.xx


----------



## Dawn7

Congrats Beckyboo ! yes enjoy a glass or two of that wine and exciting times again x

I've added u to the list 

MUMMIES TO BE  

Disney Rocks  
Hunnibunni  
Twinkletoes13
Waiting Patiently
Millie
Someday soon
Jacks girl
Thespouses 
Phinie35
Weemoofrazz 
Bunny888
Mafergal
Barbados girl
Caroline S 
Dawn7 (Me)
Adoption Dreams
Treaco 
Beckyboo

xxx


----------



## Dawn7

P.S Starryeyed ur up next - 16th June 

Hope every one else is doing ok and things are moving forward for u all xx


----------



## alig1972

Hi

Had our meeting today which went well. We talked for over 2 hours and went through the pages of notes we had written, they listened but didn't take any notes themselves and we did agree with some of their thoughts that they need evidence about how we have dealt with certain situations. Tried to explain that we don't dwell on things. For example they were asking how certain things in my childhood made me who I am today, but tried to explain I can barely remember yesterday let alone what happened 30+ years ago or what the outcome was! I am a cup half full person, looking forward not back. Anyway we have agreed to do a couple more sessions with the new SW, so she can get answers to some of the 'to be followed up' comments in our report, which is only in draft form at the moment. They did apologise for not having done any work with us in the last 6 months and admitted they could have been better. We are still aiming for panel on 10th July! They have said after these additional sessions that we have that they may change and support our application (won't hold our breaths!!). Anyway she said she would phone this afternoon with some dates as she had forgotten her diary (typical!!!) but no phone call, so phoned the office only to be told she is out all day! (Are we being fobbed off yet again?!) What will tomorrow bring? Still think they were hoping we were going to give up and now we have said that we are going to panel that they now realise that they have done things all wrong and the report needs a lot of work, so have backed down....the fight goes on!

Ali x


----------



## StarryEyed

Congrats Beckyboo!

Dawn7 - I know. Exciting times. Less than a week to go 

Ali - I'm glad your meeting went well. I hope only positive things come of it x


----------



## Lorella

Hey Dawn,
I think my panel dates down as 17th but been confirmed as 16th July now xxx


----------



## Dawn7

Sorry Lorella, u probably said the 16th

Not long tp go Starryeyed 

PANEL ZONE

JUNE

Starryeyed- 16/6
KimmiB - TBC

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7
Nicola30 - 16/7
Lorella - 16/7

AUGUST

Kboo36 - 5/8
Arrows - 14/8

SEPTEMBER

Live in Hope - 25/9

OCT

Ruthie82 - TBC

TBC

Mamu
Alig1972

XX


----------



## Beckyboo3

Hi

Good Luck at a Panel tomorrow starryeyed ! 

Still can't believe we are approved and been sent an CPR of a LO - have asked for further information and his SW and family finder SW are coming to see us on Tuesday. So got to have a major tidy up today !! 

Hope everyone else is doing well on their journey.

Beckyboo x


----------



## Jacks girl

Good luck tomorrow Starry Eyed! xx


----------



## Dawn7

Sending Good Luck wishes too, Starryeyed!

Its no way as bad as u think its going to be  xx


----------



## GoofyGirl

Hi everyone 
I don't post here often but had to let it out, just been approved this morning. 
Hooray! Hasn't sunk in yet but feel so happy. 

Good luck starry eyed


----------



## Dawn7

Great news Goofygirl  Congrats mummy to be, i'll update the mummies to be list later

Beckyboo - How exciting that you've found a potential link  I hope this is it for u x

Hope everyone else is ok xx


----------



## GoofyGirl

Thanks Dawn


----------



## mafergal

Congrats Goofygirl!

Hope today goes well starryeyed  

x


----------



## StarryEyed

Deferred


----------



## alig1972

Starry eyed, sorry to hear that. I think we will be in exactly the same position on 10th July. Did they give you reasons, where you expecting it...we are here to talk when you are ready...

Congrats Goofygirl...

Our next meeting with SW is Friday to go through issues and amend the PAR, she said to treat it as a 2nd opinion visit and they may change their minds and support us at panel (fingers crossed!), still think it is going to be tight to get PAR amended for panel on 10th July....

Ali x


----------



## Jacks girl

Goofy girl congratulations on your approval  
Starry eyed was so sorry to hear you have been deferred   sending you    xxx


----------



## AdoptionDreams

GoofyGirl said:


> Hi everyone
> I don't post here often but had to let it out, just been approved this morning.
> Hooray! Hasn't sunk in yet but feel so happy.
> 
> Good luck starry eyed


WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats honey xxxxx


----------



## AdoptionDreams

StarryEyed said:


> Deferred


I am so sorry! Thinking of you x


----------



## StarryEyed

Was not expecting it and neither was SW. They gave a list of things they want further clarification on and want a second opinion visit. Seems to be a problem with the new format of the PAR. Too short to provide full details so they sent me away and in the new process a second opinion visit isn't required but they want one despite my Sws manager saying it wasn't necessary after reading my report. Given everything short of blood, just got to get it worded in the way they want. Onwards and upwards


----------



## StarryEyed

Ali, you still have time. I'm hoping we can make amendments and squeeze in a second opinion visit for a mid July panel!


----------



## GoofyGirl

Oh no starryeyed what a pain. 
Hopefully it will al be sorted really quickly for you. 
And you too Ali. 
It's disappointing that the SW didn't spot this before you went to panel and could have had it sorted earlier maybe?


----------



## StarryEyed

SW did ask for second opinion visit and was told it wasn't necessary. The amendments are more because its the shortened PAR and my background is so complex but a lot of the information they were asking for was already in the report. Will just be a case of rewording it so there is a bigger emphasis. Funnily enough as a singlie the one thing they didn't mention was my support network...


----------



## Caroline S

StarryEyed - so sorry, but sounds like you are being strong and positive, good luck! I'm sure you'll get there! xxx


----------



## alig1972

Starry eyed, it sounds like a few tweaks to your PAR report and you will get there. It is frustrating to have a delay when you are so close, but sounds like you are still feeling positive.

Let's us know how you get on...

Ali x


----------



## StarryEyed

Thanks guys. I think it is more paperwork than anything (other than this second opinion visit). I'm not wallowing, just getting up and facing the next challenge in this process. If anything it's taught me to be patient and really get to grips with my faith and now I'm just praying to Jesus that if this is meant to be, it will happen. It'll be a necessary delay to meet the child I'm supposed to love and support.


----------



## Ruthie82

Congrats to those that have been approved.

Ali - I'm pleased you have had a chat and know a little more where you stand.

StarryEyed - sorry to here of your deferral, glad you have your faith


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Now in a dilemma, we can go to panel but they are still not supporting us and if we go to appeal then even if the IRM uphold our appeal the LA still have the final say and can still say No and that would basically mean the end of the road for us! The PAR is not being changed as it was written by our original SW and she left in January, so they can't make any amendments and agree with her findings and are not backing down.  
Option 2 is now to withdraw our application and apply again in 6 months time with a clean slate and new social worker, we can then go to stage 2, as we have already done the prep course etc, so it will be a shorter assessment and hopefully we will get a better PAR and be more successful at panel. 

Don't know now what to do, as our PAR is a mess and even if we did go to panel and got approved at appeal, then this PAR would still be used for potential matches and that would not be good. 

What is another 9 months or so, when we have come this far! It is just so annoying that we are being punished because the original SW couldn't do her job properly and lacked experience! I also feel sorry for the children out there waiting a good home and because of all this rubbish they will have to wait longer....

Very confused, Ali


----------



## Arrows

Oh Ali I'm sorry. I think the best thing is probably option two. All I can say is that as much as the delays are awful and upsetting, perhaps the child for you is not ready yet. We went through constant delays the first time around and again this time but without those delays we wouldn't have gotten our son. 
You may hate me for saying it but -everything happens for a reason. x


----------



## mafergal

Ali, what a mess your last SW has left you in. I begrudgingly would also say option 2. I know first hand what a good PAR can do for you, sometimes with time and money restraints that's all they will go on without meeting you. I didn't realise exactly how important it is when you are trying to get a link and match. I still think your agency have to take some responsibility, your Par hasn't been touched since Jan & so what have they been doing for 6 months? Why they can't just restart stage 2 now, clean slate & all a bit sooner?! Good luck with whatever you decide to do x


----------



## Barbados Girl

Ali, how awful but I think people are right. There were a few sws who might have proceeded with us just on our PARs! They wanted to meet, of course but they were extremely keen. A good PAR is vital. Would you be prepared to go via the same agency after what they have done? I just think this sw needs a kick up the bum for doing this to you!


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Ali I'm so sorry you're going through this. My honest opinion is go with option 2, as you say what's another 9 months. We've already waited so long and you want your PAR to be as positive as possible - esp for matching.

You could take the time to just focus on yourselfs - book a holiday and enjoy some relaxation before it all kicks off again xx


----------



## Ruthie82

Ali - so sorry to hear about your roller coaster ride, I echo what the other ladies say. Option two with another agency sounds more positive but the choice is yours. What heartache for you. I truly feel empathy with you and hope your next journey is a more positive one


----------



## GoofyGirl

good luck Ali. 
Sounds like option 2 is the way forward. The time will pass as quickly as it did to get here before. 
It's unfair that you have to do this. But you will get there. 

GG xxx


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Looks like i will be saying goodbye to you all for a while. We have decided to go for option 2 and have phoned our SW today, she has a meeting with her boss on Weds and will get back to us then. We have said we need a list of bullet points of what they want us to work on in the next 6 months and we need it in writing that they will continue our assessment and a timescale. It will be with the same agency but a different SW to the one who wrote our original PAR, she is more experienced and I trust her a lot more. She has said our PAR needs a complete rewrite and she can look at it with a fresh pair of eyes. Been crying over the weekend as we were so close and now taken another step back and it seems we will never get our family, but we know this is the best option to get the best PAR we can which we will need after panel for the family finder....

Anyway I will still read and wish you all the best on your journeys...

Ali x


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## tinkerbell80

Mini update, we are still playing go slowly at stage 1, S/W has both DBS checks back, and we have almost done the workbook, we have not been on prep due to an error and we are waiting for medical checks to come back. 

Is anyone else's social worker lax at communication.


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## Ruthie82

Ali- All the best during your next stage of your journey.

Tinkerbell - I think like all these things follow up emails etc seem to help things along...

We had our stage two first visit, very interesting, i am not one to 'sell' myself whereas hubby is. It was fine though, perhaps even a little enjoyable !?!  

Love to everyone else, hope your journeys are going well.

x


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## Forgetmenot

We have ours soon.... What did you cover? Xx


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## tinkerbell80

I gave them a call and hurried them up a bit. I have also pulled up on the emails bouncing back and not acknowledging things. We have also been lied to by other LA, and they were liberal with the truth to new LA too. 
Another Q who knows about SGO's and foster to adopt. Don't want to explain on public forum the full ins and outs. 
X


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## Ruthie82

Forgetmenot - Was the what did you cover meant for me ? (just checking I hadn't missed something ) We covered more than the sw anticipated. We discussed our relationship (hubby and I) how we met, our strengths, any weaknesses, how we deal with stress. Also the qualities we both bring to our relationship. How our relationship will change with a little one. Also looked at initial support network and finances. When is yours?

x


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## Forgetmenot

Thanks Ruthie.

We can't send paperwork back til mid July, but will meet our new social work before 19th, as courses then up coming.  We have had to change due to reorganisation of the team.... So who knows what our next one will be like.  We were quite happy which is a shame!

Interested to see how different stage 2 feels.  Just want to get started and find out if we will get through.  I think we all build in self preservation.  I was so excited about it, but had a few hiccups (which don't think they were at all, I just made them feel that way!!) so trying to be more pragmatic!!

Gosh it's a minefield xx


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## Butterfly06

Hi everyone 
Sorry I havnt been keeping track of things on here lately so I apologies for the lack of personals. But hope everyone is sailing through whatever stage they may be at. 
As for us - we are just about to travel to the adoption panel this afternoon. We thought this day would never come and here it is!!
A real mixed bag of emotions and just wish I could fast forward but we trust that if it's gods will then it will be, and if not..,, then we will just have to deal with that if it comes too. 

We've had a pretty intensive years home assesment talking over a range of 'stresses' that we have had in our lives to date. I expect we will get questioned on these and we just hope we do ourselves justice and don't become bumbling fools;(

Anyway, I'll pop on later with the news either way and try to catch up on eberyones stage. 

Butterfly


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## Forgetmenot

Best of luck butterfly x


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## Dawn7

Good luck Butterfly, here's an update on panel zone 

PANEL ZONE

JULY

2708Belle- 8/7
Nicola30 - 16/7
Lorella - 16/7

AUGUST

Kboo36 - 5/8
Arrows - 14/8

SEPTEMBER

Live in Hope - 25/9

OCT

Ruthie82 - TBC

TBC

Mamu
Alig1972

xx


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## Butterfly06

Thank you forget me not
All over and it's a super duper yes
Relief is a massage understatement. We had tears all round
It's the weirdest feeling ever to have gotten this far. 

Any questions I'll gladly try to help
Good luck to everyone going to panel this month 

Soo happy 
Butterfly xx


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## GoofyGirl

Congratulations Butterfly     
xxx


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## Jacks girl

Congratulations Butterfly  xx


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## StarryEyed

Congrats butterfly!

Dawn7 can I be added to TBC list again please... Don't want to pre-empt a date but hoping I might be able to get one booked in next week as I have a meeting with the service manager and my SW


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## Dawn7

Hi Starryeyed, That's good news, I have my FX for u. I've been abit slack on keeping the panel zone upto date, hoping its still upto date. Will look forward to ur updates xx

JULY

Starryeyed- TBC
2708Belle- 8/7
Nicola30 - 16/7
Lorella - 16/7

AUGUST

Kboo36 - 5/8
Arrows - 14/8

SEPTEMBER

Live in Hope - 25/9

OCT

Ruthie82 - TBC

Also if I've missed anyone out or dates or wrong, then please let me know. Thanks xx


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## Ruthie82

Congratulations butterfly! x


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## Butterfly06

Hi everyone
Thank you for your replies. 
Now I've settled after the high of Wednesday I can post some info for u. 
Firstly we went to the waiting room and waited for about an hour as the panel was running behind. We waited in the room with our sW and team manager. Some awkward silences but the hour went in surprisingly quickly. 
Our sW went into panel room first with her manager and they were in about 35 mins and then she came out with the chairperson to invite us in. 
The chairperson welcomed us and told us the questions they would be asking and led us into a large room, and seated us beside our sW with the panel members all sat around tables - 14 people in total were in the room. 
It sounds very daunting and it was at first, however every pair of eyes that was looking at us were kind and smiley which put us at ease straight away. 
Everyone introduced themselves and we ere asked 4 questions in total which were relevant to us and our home study assesment. 
Firstly - the usual, how we found the process
2nd - a very personal question directed at my hubby about a previous problem he has overcome, 
3rd - how we felt about our lengthy IVF process and our route to adoption
4th - how we prepared our son for the adoption

We then were asked if we wanted to ask the panel anything 
And then we were asked to go to the waiting room again. 
Nerves really kicked in here!!
About 3 mins later, the chair came in with our sw, they sat down and told us the verdict, to which my hubby and I cried, making the chair disappear v quickly 
Huge sense of releif came over us. Unreal feeling and we are ok with waiting for whatever comes our way next. 

Hope this helps. 
I know this part is such a big deal and me telling you not to worry is much easier said than done, but we honestly felt that each panel member was willing us to do well  

Good luck to everyone coming up to this stage 
Butterfly xx


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## Petite One

We've been approved!      

We are overjoyed. It still doesn't feel real, but is starting to sink in. I feel tearful   and happy   at the same time. There was a large group in the panel but they did try and make us feel at ease. We had a lot to do before the panel so I didn't post much.

It's been a long journey and I can honestly say we wouldn't have got there without all the people on FF. Everyone is so helpful and I do hope I've been helpful too. From the early days of infertility, to being approved at panel, it's wonderful to feel we have made it.  

We have some great family members and friends, but it's also important to have people who really understand what it's like going through what we all have been through on here. 

Now we have to get to the next stage! Eek! I hope we all get our wishes.  

From both of us a big thank you to everyone.


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## Butterfly06

Well done petite one. Enjoy this moment. Congratulations


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## mafergal

Butterfly and Petite One x


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## Dawn7

Congrats Petite one, hope u get linked soon 

Good luck 2708 Belle for tomoz  

xx


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## Dawn7

Sorry Butterfly, sorry I thought I'd said congrats to u too, hope u find ur LO soon aswell 

xx


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## liveinhope

Well done to all those just approved.  Hope the wait isn't too long for you.....


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## Petite One

Thanks all. Good luck to others too.


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## tinkerbell80

We are taking a break for a few months, few issues, couple of which are admin cock ups not us 1 is clutter but unless I give up everything in here we are not going to be able to do that, we have got down to bare minimum and what is left I need for work. And the weight issue they want us to demonstrate a commitment to weight loss but I can't do slimming world as it is grain wheat based to make it really work but it is no good for me. And our energy levels and fitness surely 2 school runs and 1 weekly walk geocaching where we cover 10+ miles every time we go out. PLu's shows. 
Going to do a video diary too to prove we are not fat and lazy


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## Waiting_patiently

tinkerbell80 said:


> We are taking a break for a few months, few issues, couple of which are admin cock ups not us 1 is clutter but unless I give up everything in here we are not going to be able to do that, we have got down to bare minimum and what is left I need for work. And the weight issue they want us to demonstrate a commitment to weight loss but I can't do slimming world as it is grain wheat based to make it really work but it is no good for me. And our energy levels and fitness surely 2 school runs and 1 weekly walk geocaching where we cover 10+ miles every time we go out. PLu's shows.
> Going to do a video diary too to prove we are not fat and lazy


Sorry to hear that Tinkerbell, problem is its not about necessarily them thinking your fat and lazy, its what they read on paper and what stats tell them i.e. stupid bmi graphs! Im 14stone, 5'4 size 14-16 clothes and everytime we're seen Im 'reminded' to get the weight off, never been ill from weight etc, its not as if birth parents get told 'oh were going to take your child off you due to your bmi as your a risk for health problems', its a joke really x


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## Dawn7

Sorry to Lorella and Nicole30, who went to panel yesterday. I haven't been updating or following panel zone.

Congrats again Lorella, I hope ur linked/matched quickly 

Also Tinkerbell, there's no shame taking time out, get everything together and sorted and come back and find ur LO's, sometimes when ur ready for something, doesn't mean its ur time (heard this the other day and thought this is so true), best wishes for the future x

xx


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## GERTIE179

Tinker bell ((hugs)) for the small delay, but for what's it's worth I think it's a good step for you. At present from reading many Uk adoption boards there's a big trend across the country in relation to a shortage of children coming through (in all categories). The consensus seems to be this is down to more children being placed within extended family or with BPs and lots of additional support.

Thus, I think continuing on your points and having time to show more weight loss will make you a more competitive PAR once completed. As WP says, it's a load of cosh but if that's all a child's SWs has to go on between potential families then they will go with the lower BMis as the stats say they should.

Good luck and FWIW I think you sound a very fit and active couple and lots of SWs will be very impressed when seeing that on your PAR.
X x


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## tinkerbell80

I am not worried, dp is worried that the scales are showing no real loss but people who have not seen dp for a while have noticed. Plus his family have and his clothes are getting looser xxl now rather than xxxl. 
It gives me more time to get things sorted and go ahead with our allotment plans so we can have another shed outside for Dp to use


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## Nicola30

Hey everyone.

I don't post often, but always read... 👀

Approval panel 16/07 and we got a big fat recommendation of approval. Slightly apprehensive until our decision letter arrives as our SW told us that the medical officer wanted to defer us based on my BMI. Hopefully it will just be a formality though...

Don't think I have ever been as nervous as I was sat in the room waiting to go in, though I needn't have been, they were just a lovely bunch of "normal" people who seemed like they were really rooting for us.

So, once my letter comes I am going crazy shopping!! 😉😉😉


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## Ruthie82

Hello Ladies,

Congrats on the approvals

Tinkerbell - I would feel deflated like I sense you do and i is very natural and understandable. Like others have said use the time to do all you can, so you know you have done your best. Your little one isn't ready for you yet, I try to think of it like this it feels positive when I need to remind myself of this. 

What views have you had of fostering to adopt? Hubby and I weren't sure at interview stage of the process but it has been mentioned to us recently and we have decided to give it some thought. Any thoughts greatly appreciated

We have been asked to think of who we would have as a guardian if anything happened to us, who have others given for this?

x x


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## Arrows

Now not going to panel until October as having some issues with LO and need to get a handle on them first.


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## Arrows

Hiya all.

We delayed panel due to LO behaviour going downhill and uncertainty about my job.

LO's behaviour is not much better but we're handling it more positively and I find out about my job hopefully by Friday but learning to live with uncertainty.
We've had rather a surprise in the last few weeks however and discovered a miracle has occurred and I'm pregnant!
It's early days yet but we'll be talking to the social workers in a couple of weeks time to let them know, so we are off the adoption journey for now.

Good luck to everyone who is waiting for their LO's to arrive!


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## Lorella

Wow! Congrats xx


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## Petite One

Congratulations Arrows. Good luck with whatever you decide.


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## liveinhope

Wow arrows, congratulations on the baby!


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## Dawn7

Congrats Arrows, things happen for a reason  wish u a very happy pregnancy - all the best x


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## Waiting_patiently

Wow congrats Arrows! xx


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