# DD started playing up at bedtimes, not sure what to try next?



## everhopeful

Miss boo is now 6 and a half years old. She's been with us since she was 19mths old. And from that first night in her cot to a month ago, she's never been a problem with night times. She always had the same routines and she's always gone to sleep and never once come out of her room unless to use the bathroom.

Nothing has changed at home recently, at all. And yet out of the blue, she started this new routine all of her own. She allows us to take her to bed as normal, and turn out the light and close the door. And 5 or so minutes later, she's come out. But she doesnt come down the stairs to see us, she sits on the landing or the stairs in silence. So at first it was freaky and scared me to death, but now we expect it.

Since it started we've tried different strategies to quosh it. We made her go half an hour earlier than usual, so the same time as her little sister, for a whole week, as punishment. That didnt work. We then thought consequences the following morning might work better. So she lost her favourite tv programmes at breakfast time for a couple of days, and another day we removed her drawing equipment, These were all done after fair warning, but she just seemed to accept these consequences and carried on coming out each night. 
Then on Monday and Tuesday night of this week, it was like a miracle had happened! She went to bed at 7.30 as usual, and she stayed there, both nights. We praised her both mornings for being so clever, but didnt make a great fuss about it. Just assumed that was it., and she'd got over her wobble.
NO!  

She's back to coming out of her room again. It was just the 2 nights' reprieve! She even asked me tonight if she could sleep on the landing!!  
Im going to try a reward chart from tomorrow. But could this be adoption related in any way? Like a delayed attachment issue? I dont know if this has happened to anyone else, but it's worrying me now.

Why would she suddenly have an avasion to sleeping in her own room? She plays in there fine, and once she's sound asleep in her bed, she stays asleep, it's just that initial bedtime. 

Any thoughts?


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## keemjay

just turning in but didnt want to read and run
isnt 6 ish the time when children begin to understand their adoption story a bit more..have a read of Mof2's thread further down the page re talking to your child aboiut adoption..theres a link thats good. i think thats when some insecure behaviours can present themsleves...maybe she is kind of testing you to see if you still love her etc as she becomes more aware of her past..perhaps a bit of reassurance, extra cuddles, special time..all the things that were good for attachment earlier on might help her..hand massages/hairdo's in a game of beauty salons springs to mind??
dunno could be something else, i just immediately thought she could be 'that' age...

kj x


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## superal

Hi

We also had the same problem with our DD roughly around the same age & we found reward charts at that age helped a great deal ..........unfortunately she recently went back into that same routine as in she makes any excuse to come down stairs and tell us something that is really important!! 

She is now 9 and its only the last few weeks that we have had her not come down to us and we discovered just by leaving her bedroom door open a little bit and putting a door stop in it so it does not bang close with the wind that she know longer comes down. 

No real advice but thought I would share with you our story of our DD and the same thing happening, our DD was 9 months old when placed with us and I am sure its just a phase children go through rather than anything to do with adoption......but thats just my opinion.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Andrea
x


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## dawny36

Hi Ever,

i would look at old 'comforters' that perhaps she used as a much younger child like a night light etc, old teddy etc it sounds like she maybe feeling insecure for whatever reason and sitting on the landing is a way of telling you this, children as we know communicate through there behaviours, I would not look at consequence and reward in this instance.  Perhaps stay with her longer when she is settled in bed, has she had any nightmares recently that is putting her off stopping in bed?

Sorry I cant offer any more and hope it improves for you 

Dawny x


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## 0604

Try a new toy who doesnt sleep well !!!!and can she be 'big' and look after it, in her bed

sarah


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## wynnster

Hi

I'm sure you have already but have you asked her to tell you why she's doing it?  Perhaps catch her in a good mood,just the two of you home and try to get out of her why she is feeling insecure (if she is)

It is so hard to work out if it is anything troubling her or just something silly like a recent movie thats scared her or something, only way of finding out though is gently trying to talk to her   

xx


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## Iman

Hiya

I just read this and although we havent got our child as yet nor am I an adopted child....I wondered: when I was a child the main reason I hated going to bed was because I would miss out on something. Could the reason she is sitting on the stairs be that she wants to listen to whatever is going on downstairs - i.e. you and your partner talking, whats on the TV, etc??  Also occured to me she may not actually be tired or her mind might not be mentally tired at bed time....maybe she needs to go to bed a little later ( if appropriate, but then pushing time back might seem like a reward so could get in to viscious circle, hmmm ) Perhaps if it is that she wants to know whats going on without her, that leaving the door open ( if you dont already) might be the trick to making her feel like she is included in whats going on and in the home, and not 'excluded' when she goes to bed? I guess that could be related to delayed attachment or insecurity.

I like the ideas of using old Comforters to help with insecurity if this is the case and of a toy who she needs to keep care of, this might work well.

Hope something works anyway and she is back in bed til morning with no probs!! x


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## Mummyof2

I think everyone has made valuable possible insights.  My other thought was that perhaps she is just attention seeking?  If you have tried everything else to no avail, how about just ignoring her    It could be that she goes back to bed when she gets cold, tired or bored and doesn't do it again.  Worth a try.


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