# contact with donor



## poochie2 (Oct 15, 2008)

Hello,
I do apologise if my question is answered millions of times elsewhere!

I am thirty weeks pregnant following donor sperm IVF. 

I was thinking of writing a card to the donor, for my London clinic to pass on. I've just been told that 'although contact is discouraged, clinics will screen and pass on all contact between donor and recipient, including ongoing contact'. 

I've no idea if this is true. It doesn't sound true to me, because I thought the whole process was anonymous until the child was 18. How would a donor stop this if it made them uncomfortable? Please set me straight! 

Many thanks and wishing you all the best,


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Hi Poochie, and congrats on your pregnancy!  

It depends on the clinic, but I have also checked about this and you can have a card / letter put on file for your donor.  It is up to the donor, however, to decide whether or not they wish to read it, and if so, to respond.  I don't think the clinic would normally contact the donor to let them know that there was something on file for them, but if the donor calls to find out, for example, how many offspring they have assisted into the world, the information would be proffered at that time. You cannot put anything in your letter that would potentially identify you, so no names and presumably not the town / city where you are living.  My clinic has a donor and recipient who each year exchange Christmas cards, all on an anonymous basis, which I think is lovely.    Also, I have a friend who donated embryos, who has been in regular, albeit infrequent, contact with her recipient, providing medical information and so on.  For my last cycle of treatment using donor eggs, I wrote a card for my donor to thank her for giving me a chance of conceiving a sibling for my son.  She was apparently very happy to receive it and I'm pleased I had the opportunity to let her know how special she was.  Finally, I am still getting around to leaving a note for the sperm donor who helped me create my son - I hadn't realised you could even do this until making enquiries, as my son was conceived prior to the change in law regarding anonymity, so that's a happy task for the near future.  

A-Mx


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## poochie2 (Oct 15, 2008)

Thanks for the congratulations - I'm so happy to be pregnant!

Congratulations too on your beautiful little boy, and good luck in your tx. 

I'll contact my clinic and ask them what the protocol is. I don't want to intrude on the donor at all, but I do think a card might be nice,

Poochie


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