# She Is My Love and I want Us to Have a Baby



## jlondon2008 (Sep 3, 2007)

My partner and I are 45. We tried a few times with IVF - unfortunately it did not work. Some of it was medical - some of it may have been due to the time and space.

I want us to have a baby. She has "not said no" to my hints of an egg donor - and I am awake 24 hours a day searching.

Anyone have any comments or suggestions for making a baby at 45?


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## allison kate (Aug 9, 2005)

Hi Jlondon

I'm so sorry to hear that your IVF attempts haven't worked.  It is such a huge process to go through, with so much upset and disappointment.

I hope you will be heartened by some of the girls on these boards who have managed to achieve their dreams at 40+ and I'm sure there will be some others along shortly who will give you better advice than I can.

If your partner is willing to go along the egg donor route then I would think it would be the best solution for you both at this time. There are a number of clinics in the UK who deal with ED (and us golden oldies) but you might also want to look elsewhere, like the Czech who have a very good reputation for ED and will undoubtably have a shorter waiting time (you will find lots of posts about the clinics on the International boards).

The very best of luck with whatever you decide and I do hope your dreams will come true
Allison x


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## jlondon2008 (Sep 3, 2007)

Allison Kate -

Thank you for such a heart felt reply. My partner and I had a difficult time after the last cycle - it - and other things really impacted our relationship. She went into a serious depressive state and I was worried about her - a normally lovely, outgoing woman.  She seemed to lose the will to fight.

I know now I did not thelp things as much as I could as I was caught up in my own whirlwind let alone ours. Looking back, I could have done more and I feel absolutely horrible about it. I contributed the goods but did not do enough on creating the right environment, loving space and attitude.  I was so afraid of it not working - that I let myself get all blocked up and messed up.  I knew that it not working would mean that she would go somewhere very dark in her mind, body and soul.

I have recently had an awakening of sorts... to see things that I saw before but feel them completely differently.  I somehow know instinctually that the only way to make amends is to work as hard as I possibly can -- from my heart -- to make another pregnancy a reality. I am now working as hard as I can to do that.  No matter the outcome. If you have been there - you understand my words.

I wonder if there are any women on the board who are 45 that have been successful with younger donor eggs.  I am sure that a donor is the only chance left due to the results of the last IVF.  

Anyone reading - Please let me know of any such link or contact to an older mother. Women grow more beautiful with time.... and to see my lover pregnant - is my blood.

J


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## Wendy K (Sep 26, 2005)

Hi

Firstly, i'm so sorry about your heartbreak, everyone on here understands how truely awful this all is  

I think another good place for you to have a read would be the spanish clinics section (in treatment abroad section) I have been there researching  and the IVI clinics section for DE is very interesting and they have fab success rates of around a 65% chance of a pg on your first go. They have clinics in Barcelona, Valencia, and Alicante, Madrid, Seville, etc; I emailed Alicante and was impressed with the reply and many ladies are pregnant now from these clinics,  the approx cost seems to be about £7000 for DE and they don't seem to have a long wait list and a lot of the donors seem to be uni students, but it's all anon  And you only seem to need 2 trips out there 

I hope this gives you some food for thought

Goof luck and some babydust for you both

  

Wendy K


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Meerkat has given you some good links there.

Just want to wish both of you so much luck in your future.

Love Jo
x x x


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## jem123 (Jun 23, 2007)

Hi
Have you thought about having treatment abroad , there are lots of clinics offering donor eggs...
Good luck


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## allison kate (Aug 9, 2005)

Hi J

It sounds as though the two of you have gone through some tough times.  IVF takes such a toll on a couple and it is impossible to know how you are going to react to the treatment until you are actually going through the process.  It takes such a toll on your body not just physically but emotionally.  I also think it is difficult for the partner as they can only stand on the outside and even though they might be trying to get involved, it is sometimes hard to know what to do.  

I think that it is great you want to get invloved and find a solution....men are great at this sort of thing   My DH and I have gone through so many emotions in the past five years but in the end we have some out stronger and more united than ever before.

I know that Daisyg has a wonderful story that will give you both heart and she is a lovely, highly informed woman, who I'm sure will give you some great advice.  She had twins last year after ED in the States and I'm sure if you IM her she will give you the name of her clinic.  You should be able to find her name on the board here and I'm sure she won't mind me giving you her name!

Once again, the very best of luck
Allison x


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## jlondon2008 (Sep 3, 2007)

Thank you to all of you loving souls...

I am feeling as though there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Please let me know if you should see any postings or links that you think will help.

I need help! 

j


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## jess p (Sep 25, 2004)

If you've got plenty of money then some of the US clinics offer 80% success rates with donor eggs - but it would cost about £20k.  (About the same as we've spent on ttc in the UK!)

Jess x


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## ZenaE (Dec 2, 2004)

I'm 45, but last year I got a BFP from using a known donors eggs (she was 2. Sadly I miscarried. Now going for FET this Oct. Hoping it will work.

Just wanted to let you know that it does work.


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## bottleofwater (Jun 19, 2007)

jess p said:


> If you've got plenty of money then some of the US clinics offer 80% success rates with donor eggs - but it would cost about £20k. (About the same as we've spent on ttc in the UK!)
> 
> Jess x


hi Jess
how can they do 80% success rate and do you know which clinics in the US are the best. I was told by one doc they do use higher amounts of estradril in ivf treatments. Don't know what that impacts on in success rates.


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## daisyg (Jan 7, 2004)

Hi bow,

Yes, there are quite a few US clinics who have 80% success rates with donor eggs.  There are probably a number of reasons.  Firstly, the high quality of US protocols, clinics and embryology labs compared to the UK.   Next, the donors will be highly paid, very young, often proven and highly stimulated to produce many eggs (often 14 plus), so this increases chances of success.  Also no egg share from women who may have their own fertility problems.

Yes, protocols are slightly different (e.g. use of BCPs and Lupron for down regging for example, and injectible estrogen often).   The main difference is the amount of monitoring and scannning per cycle.  At the most successful clinics you will be given daily blood tests and scans every other day so they can adjust your meds if necessary.  Also they use steroids and antibiotics before transfer plus progesterone in oil for luteal phase support.

The clinics with the best results for donor eggs are CCRM and PCRM.  The clinics with the best own eggs results (esp. over 40) are CCRM and Cornell - they are leagues ahead of any UK clinic.

By the way, the estrogen angle is not necessarily the reason for greater success.  It totally depends on the individual's reaction to each cycle.  However, it is the monitoring of E2 closely that may make a difference.

Daisy
x


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## bottleofwater (Jun 19, 2007)

daisyg said:



> Hi bow,
> 
> Yes, there are quite a few US clinics who have 80% success rates with donor eggs. There are probably a number of reasons. Firstly, the high quality of US protocols, clinics and embryology labs compared to the UK. Next, the donors will be highly paid, very young, often proven and highly stimulated to produce many eggs (often 14 plus), so this increases chances of success. Also no egg share from women who may have their own fertility problems.
> 
> ...


thanks Daisy thats really interesting, I have heard pcrm is 75% success, I am thinking czech for donors so I could give it a few go's if I fail first time, but I am wondering that if it means one go in the states with sucess then I might not have to worry so much. It was my breast specialist who told me that in the states they are more prone to higher levels of estrogen use in IVF.

bowx


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## daisyg (Jan 7, 2004)

Hi bow,

You ask interesting and difficult questions!  It is really a tough call ref. going to the US.  One of the main reasons why people go is that you can choose a known donor with lots of info. on her and her family's medical history and this is of course very important to many people.

The other thing is that one needs to make sure you have a level playing field in terms of testing, DH sperm etc.  i.e. that you have no other issues other than a problem with your eggs.  After all, DE is only replacing these - if you or DH have any other issues, then DE will not solve them.  Just a cautionary note from sad experience!

It may be if that a first cycle in the CR to see how you react might be a good idea as it is less costly?  Moving on to a US cycle could be a further step?  Again, a very hard decision... but wishing you lots of luck whatever you decide.

Best,

Daisy
xxx


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