# Our Adoption Journey



## KJB1978

Hi,

I'm writing this diary as I thought it might be encouraging to look back when things get tough so am starting my adoption diary now and will hopefully look back and smile to see where we have gone!

A bit about us:
We had 5 years of treatment and miraculously fell for our little girl who was born in 2007. Have been trying naturally for 2.5 years since she was just 2 weeks old and have just finished 18 months on treatment at clinic and have both admitted that we can not cope with the stress of failed attempts and MC at late stages and to be honest our funds are drying up and I feel guilt ridden about wasting more time and money on more rounds of treatment rather than with my beautiful girl.

We both want a large family and want DD to grow up in a big loud happy family and are very excited to be starting the adoption journey.

October 2010: Attended open evening at LA and wanted to take home one of the little ones there and then but was told to wait 6 months from last treatment before applying. Filled all the paperwork out that night ready to send.

Christmas 2010: Decided to have one last try at treatment

Feb 2011: Last treatment abandoned as 16 x 23 mm follicles. Ignored advice and tried naturally at home. Assumed nothing would work so sent paperwork off to LA ... and you guessed it got a BFP but MC at 11 weeks + 5days.

May 2011: Called LA to explain MC and was told as we were honest we would still be seen for home visit. Home visit was great - SW was lovely and felt natural to talk not as intrusive or upsetting as expected. Was warned that we would probably still have to wait 6 months from MC.

June 2011: Great news - SW recommended us for immediate start with no waiting because of MC. All the paperwork (CRB's, medical etc) arrived 2 days later and sent back straight away.

July 2011: CRB's came back OK and referee's confirmed they had received the huge question pack to complete. One pulled out as too much detail and she felt too nervous to complete. SW was very understanding and let us switch to another friend. SW also asked if we could attend Prep course at the end of month - just waiting on dates... bit scary as expected to be waiting for ages but is flying through nice and fast at the moment!

K xxx


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## KJB1978

Grrrrrrr - it is so frustrating.  It has been 3 weeks waiting for a date for prep course and when I finally pluck up the courage to call to ask what has happened the whole team is on holiday for 2 weeks  Surely it can't take 3 weeks to put a name on a course and surely the whole team can't have time off at the same time.

Must be calm as I know it is going to take ages but really

Sorry rant over!


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## KJB1978

Phew course is due to start on 14th September and we are on it...


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## skyblu

Katie, 

Good luck with the prep course.
We found it very good and informative, but it can also be quite upsetting.
I hope you enjoy it and get a date for your assessment soon after you finish prep.
Good luck again
skyblu.xx


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## KJB1978

Thanks Skyblu - am so nervous about the whole thing and trying to be patient but feel like the last 10 years I have been patient and can't happen fast enough now 

Hope your journey is progressing nicely!


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## KJB1978

Its the day before the prep course and I feel so sick with nerves.  Am terrified I am being watched at all times and will say something stupid and ruin our chances of completing our family.  Is that a normal feeling?    or am i just OTT?


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## Maccer

Hi Katie,

I was totally the same and yes we were watched, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, the main thing is to be yourself.  I could see that there were a lot of nervous people in our prep group, but we all got through it and after day 1, people start to relax, try to enjoy it, it can be a pleasant and very helpful course.  Good luck.

Maccer x


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## KJB1978

Thanks for your kind words Maccer.  

Day One of prep group has been and gone and found it massively overwhelming just discussing the length and detail of the process.  Our group was very small only 4 couples including us.  Think it was info overload for me and I managed to hold it together until 3 o clock and then the floodgates opened and I blubbed like a baby 

Oh well nothing I can do but keep going and try not to cry again or they will think I am potty!


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## KJB1978

Last day of the prep course this week and it has been quite interesting, exciting, gruelling, horrible and fun all rolled into a mixed up bag of emotions.  Have blubbed lots (and lots more than anyone else) and am worrying that it will be seen that I can not control myself or my emotions but I do cry a lot.  SW's were really supportive when I got upset.
Got exit interview next week when we find out if we got through to the HS section.
Hubby had medical last week which was all good and got mine on Thursday.  Still am shocked we have to pay for it but its a small cost compared to treatment and just another hurdle to get through!


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## mmmbop

HI Katie,
am reading your diary with great interest,and wish you all the best on your journey,I hope to start soon,and have wondered about the crying thing,as I cry at the drop of a hat at times,did anyone else cry? and I have wondered how this would be perceived!!! Might warn sw next time I see her lol !!
Look forward to continue sharing your journey,
Love M'bop


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## KJB1978

Hi mmmbop, hope all is going well with you!

On one week all of the ladies cried but most of the time it was just me (and my hubby admitted that he came close a few times too).  The SW said they need people in touch with their emotions because some of the LO's can't cry even when hurt as they have been conditioned not to as nobody came when they did so they just don't bother which is just so sad. 

The last day went well and I am very surprised to say i enjoyed it and am actually going to miss attending every week as it feels like we are actually getting somewhere and doing something productive.  I had my medical last week which went fine and have just finished the paperwork in preparation for the exit interview.

Must try and chill out before then as getting anxious again


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## mmmbop

Not heard of th exit interview? hope it goes well,
love Bops


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## KJB1978

Just had our 45 minute exit interview to discuss how we felt about course, if we still wanted to continue and what child would we like and the trainers reflected back to us how they felt we did.

It went well and they are progressing our details to be assigned a social worker for home study but warned us that as we can only have a young child as our daughter is only 4 (we must have a 2 year gap between children so the oldest we can have is a 2 year old) we may be in for a wait both to get the HS started and if we are approved to get a matching.

Areas raised a s concern were agreed and will be discussed (at length no doubt ) when the HS start.

Now for another wait...


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## Loobys

Hi KatieBlackmore

we are at waiting stage as well, i am so impatient as well.

I am sure your wait won't be to long x will keep an eye on your diary for updates xxx


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## KJB1978

Woohoo - just been told we have been assigned a SW - what a Christmas Surprise.  We honestly could not believe it when we got our call after 7pm last night.  Less than 2 months of waiting.  Now the hard stuff begins!


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## mmmbop

LOVely news katie,

love Mbop
xxx


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## Maccer

Congratulations, I hope you enjoy HS!   

Maccer x


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## KJB1978

Finally got a call back from SW (on 22nd Dec) to book the appointment which was meant to be before Christmas but actually took 2 weeks to get organised but at least its on the way so wont moan too much.

Because of Christmas etc we can not be seen until the 18th Jan for our first HS appointment and will be given details of our panel date there and then and all other appointments as is going through very quickly at the moment because of the bad press at the moment which is great news for us but have serious doubts that it will all go as smoothly as I am being led to believe.

We have got to get all our paperwork and income documents ready for the first meeting which I was also quite surprised about.

Am trying so hard not to get overexcited at the SW's optimism and positive vibe!


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## KJB1978

Brilliant day today.  Met our SW who was lovely, friendly and helpful.  Made us both feel happy and positive and excited which is an amazing thing to feel as have just felt nervous for the last 8 months!

Have been given our panel date already. 

12th June 2012 here we come!!!!!  Woohoooooo


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## KJB1978

Attended a course all about contact and its benefits today which was very interesting but still undecided as to whether I think it is a good thing or not.  Logically I think Yes but my heart and emotions think it is too much?!?!?!  

Booked in for another three courses over the next few months this week and did my first piece of homework which was detailed and LONG but really interesting to have a think about.


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## KJB1978

Had our 2nd of 5 visit with SW today and again it was very relaxed and informal.  She has highlighted some health and safety stuff to look at such as getting banisters on the stairs which we don't have anything there at the moment and protective film on the glass cupboards but all are easy fixes so not too much bother.  2 weeks til next visit and it will be just for hubby not me so will busy myself with homework.


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## KJB1978

Hi All, hope you are all well and journeys are progressing nicely!

We had a lovely weekend where we met up with one of the couples from our prep course.  It was so nice to chat and appreciate how the other person is feeling and get reassurance from like minded people.  We were all so shocked at how different the HS has been though as we are in the same LA but the experiences seem totally different - I guess it is down to the individual SW and her style of getting the forms finished?

DH had his scary one on one meeting last week with SW which I think went well but he wont go into it as promised the SW not to ruin the questions for me.  Meaney!  He said it was quite emotional but OK so should be fine when my turn comes next week.  

We have our final meeting with me and hubby together on Thursday followed by my LO's interview/theraplay with the SW which I am little anxious about as I doubt we will be allowed to stay and watch and listen to what is said.  Anyone had any experience of this

Then I have my final HS in a weeks time.  All our homework has been done so we will just be floating in limbo for a few months I guess.  Eurgh I HATE waiting, have had enough of that in the last decade to last me until I am 100.

xxx


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## flickJ

Hi Katie, glad everything is going smoothly for you, not too long until you are finished. I wish you luck


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## KJB1978

Thanks flickJ and to you xxx

Had what was supposed to be our final joint HS meeting with SW yesterday and she got the timings wrong so turned up nearly 2 hours late and subsequently didn't get enough time to finish so is booking us in for her next free time slot which is 7 weeks away.  Feel so deflated as was meant to be all done today and now it is rolling ever so close to our panel date and am feeling nervous that it is going to get postponed.  

I tried so hard not to get my hopes up and be patient but it never works.  Grrrrrrr 

Anyway... the actual session went well and we felt relaxed with our SW as always and then my LO had her "interview"/theraplay session which she has been so excited about.  It was done upstairs on their own and I nearly burst a bloodvessel trying to hear what was being said but couldn't and didn't want to get caught listening at the door so was a good girl and sat downstairs.  SW said it was a lovely session and my little girl had explained to her what adoption meant, explained that Mummy's tummy is broken and what she would do as a big sister and that she wanted 100 brothers and 100 sisters ?!?!?!?!? Think she might be disappointed at this one   they then drew pictures for the forms and the panel to show what she wanted as a family.

I took some pics of LO and our SW as I want to do a life book for her to match her new brothers or sisters and thought this might be nice and SW loved that so got a few brownie points  

Anyway, signing off for now and will try and see everything as glass half full not half empty - have a good week x


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## flickJ

First of all may I say I admire your restraint at not trying to find out what was going on with DD, had to chuckle at some of her answers especially the number of siblings   

It must be frustrating, but you are nearly there now and all seems to going smoothly, I wish you all the luck in the world


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## nutmeg

Really enjoyed reading your diary    I was especially interested in how the sw handled the session with your dd as we shall be going through this ourselves shortly. It was very useful thankyou. I will be interested in how things progress for you.

Good luck with everything


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## KJB1978

Morning All,

Just had my Adult Attachment one on one with SW which was fine although felt a bit like a test as was all recorded.  Got another 2 meetings in April and she will be writing the report in May and panel in June.  It all feels so real now!

After reading other posts have jumped the gun a bit and bought a TOMY forget me not photo album as they were half price at Tesco's all eager and ready for matching panel to show our little boy or girl wherever they may be (assuming we get that far) and SW liked this but said to try and stay calm and although she was 99% sure we would pass and she is planning on approving us but you never know how the panel will go but said it was good to be positive.

Got a frustrating 6 week wait for next appointment which i am sure will feel like forever but every day brings us a teeny tiny step closer.

love K


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## flickJ

So pleased everything went well today - a bit of a wait, but you are nearing the end   Loved your story about the photo album LOL
Stay positive and I have all fingers and toes crossed for you


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## KJB1978

We had our penultimate visit from SW yesterday and it went well again but it was discussing our road to adoption so was talking over some raw feelings but amazingly (for me) I managed to get through it without crying.  Anyone who knows me knows what an amazing achievement that is LOL!  We also discussed our family and any knowledge or experience of adoption which I have lots of so that was good.  Felt like we ticked lots of boxes today.

Next week is our final meeting with SW and will be about our relationship and the SW is excited as she wants to know how we work as a couple as DH is very religious and is very involved in his church and I do not believe in any of it.  

Last HS hurdle to go and then an agonising 6 week wait to panel.  Will freak out if it gets cancelled.  Grrrrr must chill out a bit feel all jittery and nervous all the time at the moment.  AND... B.R.E.A.T.H.E.E.E.E....


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Really good to read your full story. I didn't realise how much waiting there is during the actual assessment process 6 weeks etc between visits. I assumed that they would see you every week once you got to that point. 

You've done amazingly well to get through the process so quickly and with so much strength. Can't wait for you to be approved at panel it'll give us all something to celebrate. x


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## KJB1978

Fingers crossed gwyneth27!!!


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## snapdragon

Have just enjoyed reading through your blog. Looks like we are at the same stage, we have 1 more meeting to go. Our panel isin't until the end of July; it was originally in June but we had to have a change in sw and she thought it would take longer than it did so she moved it and now they are fully booked. Can't believe we have to wait 3 months from our last meeting until panel.

Have your referees been visited yet? Ours havn't but I guess she has plenty of time.


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## KJB1978

Hi Snapdragon, 

Glad you enjoyed the diary - have you done one yourself?  Its the last HS for us today which I am quite thankful for, as much as I have enjoyed it x

I am starting to feel very anxious about it all now, how about you?  3 months is a horrible long wait but hopefully it wont get cancelled or postponed becuase the PAR isnt ready which is what my concern is.  I love our SW but she is a bit on the disorganised side having turned up late or not at all a few times.

Referees havent been visited yet or the meetings organised and we only have 5 weeks until the PAR has to be with the panel?!?!?!  Oh well we have waited this long so guess another few weeks wont kill us  

Have a good week


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## snapdragon

It feels a bit strange at the moment to have 1 meeting to go. When we had the change in sw we were told we would have to effectively start again as she couldn't get the folder from our origanal sw (she is in hospital and in a serious condition). 

In our la we were told we would have 10-12 meetings so to be told at the 3rd with our new sw that we have 1 left was quite a surprise. We have had 7 meetings altogether so far so we will only have 8 in total. I don't think its sunk in yet that we are nearly finished. Our last meeting is our individuals ones so I'm worrying about that at the moment.

I havn't got round to doing a blog. Our sw is always late but usually only about 30 mins. Must be annoying to be any longer.

I'm sure your sw will get it all done in time, 5 weeks is probably quite normal to write up and have the report ready.


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## KJB1978

Well today was the last homestudy and as all the ones before it went really well, the time flew by and it didn't feel too intrusive, more like chatting to a friend.  There were a few sticky bits when she quoted our homework about our relationship and asked us to elaborate but I think it went well.  

Was bad timing though as our little girl got sent home from nursery with a fever and shivering just as the SW arrived so DH rushed out to collect her and she spent the entire session curled up in a blanket on my lap so felt a little preoccupied but we got through it. 

Panel was confirmed for 12th June so only 7 weeks and 5 days to go!!!

Think I deserve a nice glass of wine tonight to celebrate - have a good night!


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## flickJ

So pleased for you all! Now you can relax and put your feet up LOL, I'm sure the time will fly by

Sorry to hear about your LO, bless her - hope she is OK


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## KJB1978

AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! 

I am so frustrated, angry and fed up right now.  As expected we have hit a BUMP in the road, I just knew it was going too smoothly.  

Our SW who is nice and relaxed and very chilled out has just got round to looking at our details for the first time and has realised that loads of stuff is missing including 2 references (which all came back in June last year = 10 months ago) and because of this we might have to cancel panel as there is not enough time to get it done as she has also just booked a 2 week holiday when she was meant to be finalising it so all the deadlines and goalposts have changed.

Am so angry with myself for having hope that it would work with no problems and so so so cross that everything I have been asking about has been missed and we are now in for a stressful few days redoing lots of work and resending it over on the off chance we can still go for the panel date booked in for the beginning of June.


I need to scream into a pillow I think...

Any helpful tips for getting through this without bursting into flames very gratefully received

x


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## Mummy DIY Diva

You must be so mad. If anyone else did that in their jobs they'd be in massive trouble (if I forgot about a child in my class I'd be linched.). It works on good will because they hold the power and know you won't complain because you won't want to upset them. No wonder you're so mad!!!!

My advice would be to say as it's box ticking not the interviews /  getting to know you stuff could someone else not do it? I mean in terms of your social workers holiday. That wouldn't seem unreasonable to me. When you put this to the manager perhaps also delicately but clearly raise the fact you had asked about the issues a number of times.Tell them all the things you have organised round your panel date.  

Also throw in a lot of words that make it sound like you know what you have the knowledge to make a real stink if you had to complain. E.g. What is standard procedure when a member of staff accidentally makes errors, to ensure minimised stress and upset for the service user. Quote anything that is in their OFSTED that might connect to this. E.g. because I noticed you OFSTED said you are good at / need to implement a system for so I know that you won't let my panel get delayed. Assumption wrapped up in flattery e.g. assuming they are so good at their job they will obviously sort this instantly is normally very effective. 

That's my work head response what I do to get movement from SW's etc at work when they don't do what I want. However in reality as a potential adopter I'd probably loose all assertiveness and just accept it. It's up to you hunny. 



Set backs suck when you have already been through so much. Sending   and thinking of you Gwyneth x


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## flickJ

I'm so, so sorry, frustrating is not the word   

I'd be so mad!  but, but at the end of the day, they hold the power to give you a good report or not and as Gwyneth said, you don't want to complain (too much  )

As they say "Keep calm and carry on" (but keep counting to ten ....... )


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## Mummy Noodles!

Oh my me that would drive me insane. To be getting so close and then stopping again!!


Hope   things are moving along better for you now...


It can be so frustrating!!! Keep being strong. Hold on in there!!


Noodles xxx


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## KJB1978

Well we worked our little socks off, resent, redid and started loads of extra work and worked late into the night and got it all back to her that very day.  After a heated discussion SW eventually agreed to call and email one of our references rather than sending her a letter and my amazing friend sat up half the night too and wrote our reference for us.  

We now have to have a very awkward conversation with our other friends on why they "forgot" to send our reference back as SW wants to double check its not because they do not think we will be suitable parents.  I know it is because they are unreliable and am so cross that they forgot to do something that they know is so important to us but am not going to go on about it or I guess that friendship will be over.

I haven't had confirmation that panel is cancelled so am hoping that our hard work paid off and she can get on with writing it all up now.

We did a day long course on Theraplay yesterday which was interesting and came away with lots of games and ideas to try out with DD and got to see our friends from prep course which was lovely but was mortified as got coerced into being a child in role play with the trainers as Mummy and Daddy stroking my arms and paying me compliments while I had to be a small child cuddled up cross legged on a bean bag punching newspapers.  I felt like a complete plonker and was sure I was bright red but never mind it must have been a weird site to see and saved others in the group from the humiliation.        

Anyway better go - got another course all day next Thursday (Matching, Introductions and life books) so hope that one is less role playing. LOL!


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## flickJ

Oh, it sounds as though you have worked really, really hard and done amazingly well. I hope and pray it all works out for you   

I don't envy you having to face your friends   and I know from first hane experience that sw's can be so suspicious , but then again it was amazing that your other friend would do what she has done. 

Can't believe what they asked you to do, I would be so embaraced LOL


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad it's getting sorted x


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## nutmeg

Sounds like you've had a tough time of it the last few weeks    hope it's on the way to be getting all sorted now. Oh and the role play sounds hideous!


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## KJB1978

The parents and referee's had their interviews with our SW yesterday and true to form, she was very late  

All parties seemed happy with how it went and both were asked multiple times how we would cope with young twins so I am now obviously reading far too much into it  

SW confirmed we are still on for panel on 12th June - 4 WEEKS TODAY


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic news x


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## flickJ

Oh my gosh, that's great news, good luck with the panel


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## nutmeg

Oooh fab - all sounds like it's progressing very nicely now!


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## KJB1978

I went on a course for Matching, Introductions and Life Story books today which was very interesting and gave me lots of answers to questions.

Feeling sorry for myself and sad today though as others from our prep course have been linked with a sibling group and as happy as I am for them it just makes me feel more desperate and anxious that we will be waiting years.  The SW on the course said today that I shouldn't expect anything to happen until next year as my DD starts school in September and they would never risk unsettling her new school journey by letting us have a child so close to that and that has made me feel even more sad as it will then be Christmas and then NY again and we will be in 2013.

Good god this journey is a rollercoaster.  Just on Monday I was bouncing round the walls and today have spent the last part of the afternoon crying.

Humpppphhhh


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## Mummy Noodles!

Hey KJB! I know the feeling..Ive been fine for months and this week (time of the month) all ive done is cry!!! I think I am so fed up wandering what is going to happen and waiting. Getting excited about it / fearing it. We go to Panel at the beginning of August. However Ive still to get my medical and 2 referees interviews to be done. The CPR's our sw gave us to comment on....made me and dh feel real sad for these lovely children...  .  and angry that their parents dont appreciate them   Its so Sad. At least we CAN make a difference.


Your journey has been rather up and down right enough! Hey our time will come - just hang on in there  Every day is a step closer..


Take care of yourself - it will be even better when our time comes   X


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## KJB1978

Our PAR has gone off to panel admin and we were very happy with the contents and we are confirmed for panel on 12th June.

11 days to go... SW is coming next Thursday to discuss things (am hoping its not just a pep talk for panel but a lovely little document with some LO's info on but I doubt it  )

Just got everything crossed for a positive outcome and a very quick match. LOL!!!


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## Loski

Hi just read your diary sounds frustrating. We at panel 2 days after you. We just sent our par back today all signed a couple of facts that need correcting but apart from that I'm happy with it. I think sw just like us to panic in the last few weeks we are waiting for par cause I have been stressed to bits lol


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## KJB1978

Hi Loski - it is all very exciting now isn't it!  Wish you lots of luck with your panel.

Thanks for your kind words Noodles1

Well SW came yesterday to give us a pep talk about the panel which is only 4 days away now.  We just found out a bit about the process, talked about what questions they may ask and to prepare ourselves by talking about it, what to wear etc etc. It seemed like such a long time to wait when we booked but has flown by.  I am a panicker by nature and am surprised how relaxed and chilled I am about the whole thing.  I know they are going to say yes which is very unlike me to be so positive - just hope that doesn't jump up and bite me in the **** later  

As expected there were no matches yet as nobody knows about us yet?!?!?!  Found that a bit weird as others who haven't got to our stage have already been linked and matched so not sure how they are known about and we are not but hey ho I'm not going to start shouting and screaming.  SW also said that rather unusually they have lots of little ones under 2 so she doesn't think we will wait too long and totally disagreed with what the SW from the course last week said which made me feel happier.

Just got everything crossed that we don't have more months of agonising waits before someone tells us they have found our baby.  Have got a super busy weekend booked in going to London to be tourists for the day, going on a river cruise, watching the changing of the guard, an open top bus tour, dinner out, a show and then a hotel in Covent Garden then hitting the Natural history museum and science museum on Monday so hopefully come Monday night I will be so exhausted I just collapse into a deep sleep... well we can hope


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## Loski

Thanks kjb pleased your calm I feel so anxious don't know why cause our report sounded great and sw doesn't have any concerns about panel just me lol. 
London sounds like a great idea to take your mind off panel and to help you sleep think I could do with doing something. I am working on the morning of panel now which may be a mistake hopefully the time might go a bit quicker though. 
What time are you at panel looking forward to reading your panel experience hopefully before our so I know what to expect a bit better x


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## KJB1978

Sending you some chilled out vibes Loski.... it is really not my usual way to be calm, its most peculiar I am normally so nervous about everything I make myself ill.  Hopefully work will be a distraction for you x  

We have the second time slot of the day at 11:15 - will let you all know as soon as possible how it goes on D Day

xx


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## Hoppity

Good luck!

Looking forward to reading your update on Tues, and sending positive vibes for a quick match!

Jx


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## flickJ

Good luck for Tuesday KJB, I will keep everything crossed for you


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## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad you are chilled can't wait for your good news on Tuesday x


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## KJB1978

*WE HAVE BEEN APPROVED - WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

What an amazing feeling to at last have got a big fat YES

This is how our day at panel went: 
We got to the building half hour early and got put in an office waiting for our SW. The panel chair came down and introduced herself. She was lovely and friendly and instantly reassuring which was cool. I was totally calm and chilled which is very unlike me... until... our dear SW got lost, left her mobile phone at home and turned up half an hour late. The panel chair lady kept coming down and checking on us but I could feel myself loosing it. I went to the loo to compose myself and the SW was just sitting in reception and had been for 20 minutes so was a big mistake the SW went to the wrong building and then there were crossed wires with the receptionist but could really have done without that.

We were then shown straight into the panel which I had not been expecting as had been told SW goes in first on her own and gets grilled for half an hour, then we get called in for the last half hour. Well we were in there for no more than 5 minutes. I think it took longer for the panel to introduce themselves than for questions to us or the SW. Infact the SW did not have to answer a single thing.

We were asked did we enjoy the prep course which was back in September and not something we had been expecting to talk about so really threw us, what were our thoughts on contact, how we had discussed adoption with out little girl and then we were asked whether there were any questions. We were totally astounded it was that simple. We then went back to our meeting room expecting a half hour wait while they deliberated and no sooner had we sat down the panel chair lady was in the room telling us there was no need for discussion and they were approving us for twins or a single child under 24 months old.

The whole process was no more than 10 minutes. I then burst into tears and bear hugged my poor SW.

We now have to wait for the official letter and then hopefully get matched with some lo.

Cant believe we finally got here. Woohooooo!!

We took a slow drive home, had a nice lunch and a glass of vino with just DH and me and then went to nursery to tell my little girl she was going to be a big sister and she was just thrilled. It was the best thing I have ever had to do. Her face just lit up and then I of course started blubbing again.

Fingers crossed we have a short wait and our baby is safe, warm and happy at a nice caring foster home not being tortured and tormented and in pain somewhere.

Hold on baby - Mummy, Daddy and big sister are coming to get you. Not long now xxxx


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Congratulations honey hope they don't keep you waiting too long xxx


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## flickJ

Wow, what an experience you have had - I imagine it was hard to keep calm with everything happening with your SW, but what a perfect outcome and it all sounded so easy  

I am so pleased for you and your family


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## Loski

Not sounds great apart from sw getting lost lol not like them to be late. I feel a bit calmer after reading your experience of panel hope ours goes as smoothly.


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## snapdragon

Congratulations, wow your panel sounded surprisingly easy. Hope you get a match soon.

We have just been given our PAR to read. Panel not until the end of July but we do have a 2 week holiday beginning of July so timing is working out quite well.


----------



## mmmbop

FANTASTIC NEWS,CONGRatulations

thanks for sharing your experience bought tears to my eyes,being a fellow blubber


----------



## nutmeg

Oh, fabulous news, huge congratulations


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Congratulations!! So pleased wishing you and your family lots of luck to get matched soon x x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

CONGRATULATIONS! You have nearly finished the marathon! You must be so, so chuffed. I hope you meet your little one soon  


Noodles xxx


----------



## KJB1978

Well it has been almost 7 weeks since the euphoria of approval and the agony of waiting for the phone to ring has set in 

We went to the LA's Adoption Family Fun day today which was great and we all enjoyed it.  I found it quite reassuring to see so many happy families doing normal things so there is some light at the end of the tunnel and chatted to a few friendly people. 

Oh well... back to more waiting.  SW is coming for 2 month catch up next week.  Any suggestions on what I should be asking or saying  Other than why havent you found my baby(ies) yet


----------



## nutmeg

No advice I'm afraid but have some     anyway!


----------



## KJB1978

Our SW came to visit today just to check I am not about to jump off a cliff as it has been 10 weeks since approval.  

She explained that we had been linked with a 7 month old baby boy and it was between us and another couple.  There was nothing to decide between us both so the committee chose the other couple as they had been waiting longer.  I am so glad she did not come to us before this meeting as I would have been totally crushed if I had known beforehand and then lost out.

As frustrating as this news has been and the long wait at least I now know things are in motion and we haven't fallen through the cracks somehow.  Fingers crossed next time will be our turn.


----------



## Billybeans

Hope you are not waiting too much longer, did you have any idea how long the other couple had been waiting for?
Hope time is going quickly for you and your time is soon.


----------



## KJB1978

They had been waiting 2 months longer than us, so just over 5 months.  At least it was that reason and not that there were problems with our family or paperwork.  Hopefully it will be us next time!


----------



## KJB1978

BIG DAY TODAY!!!

We have been sent the details of the most perfect LO.  It seems like it is all systems go after weeks of nothing and SW is coming to talk asap.  LO's SW likes us, we like LO, now lets see how quickly we can make this happen.

Please please please pray or send positive vibes as have fallen in love with the profile and pics and can not cope with another disappointment if this goes wrong.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

OMG that is amazing your story gives me a lot of hope so I really hope it works out great for you I'm sure it will x x


----------



## Billybeans

Wow, any more news KJB? I am praying for you


----------



## KJB1978

We were initially told that it was just us going forward with LO (our LA does competitive matching which is torturous) then as soon as we had seen him we were told another family had been put forward and we would have to go to a FLM to decide between us.  
After a very anxious week and a half it is now back to just us.  Am trying to remain optimistic that he is ours but am also trying to safe guard my heart from exploding if it doesn't go our way again as I have seen him and feel such a strong connection that I fear I will not be able to continue if they go with someone else again.
I really disagree with competitive matching, it is beyond cruel to dangle a child in front of you like a carrot after the hurdles you have had to overcome to get this far.
Oh well - fingers crossed Ladies.  We have a big meeting on 18th October and will be told more then.  My birthday is on the 17th so am hoping for a very happy belated present x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I will keep everything crossed for you x


----------



## Billybeans

Hope you get that belated birthday gift. xx


----------



## KJB1978

We have been approved and passed the FLM and are now officially matched with our LO and are aiming to bring him home early in 2013.  Its too much work to get done by the end of November and our LA wont start introductions in December so we have a little longer to wait and sadly will miss his 1st Christmas but its still amazing news and a huge weight has been lifted.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

That's amazing so happy for you. What an amazing early / late xmas pressie x x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Fantastic news kjb, congratulations mummy xxx


----------



## Billybeans

Fantastic news kjb. I'm sure if you keep yourself busy over the next couple of mths with planning and organising the time will fly be.
Many Congrats.
xxx


----------



## KJB1978

We have had a good read of the CPR which is car crash material and so very very sad and have a huge lists of questions and things to discuss but we are still 100% excited and want to get a move on.  

Phoned the SW with a few queries only to be told there would be a 4-6 week delay because the blood results from birth are missing and they need to be redone which involves a ridiculous amount of paper work and a panel date to agree for LO to have the blood test and then another wait until the results are back before we can even book panel.  Our LO was 5 months when we were told about him and I am now doubtful we will get introductions before his first birthday.

Why of why is there so much seemingly mental bureaucracy.  SW seemed very frustrated and tired too


----------



## nutmeg

So hoping things don't drag on too long for you    Very excited for you anyway!!


----------



## KJB1978

We had another big meeting yesterday which went very well.

We have panel booked for the 7th Jan - stupid Christmas has slowed everything down - and all being well we will start introductions at the end of January   

We were given loads of info, his professional photo shoot on disk and on print and a DVD of him playing on his Jumperoo and gurgling and just being a happy little bunny.  Made us want him even more.  I hate all this waiting.

We have loads to do.  The nursery need to be set up for early December so the staff can come and make our DVD for him to see, bit odd as he is so small but not going to say no.

So lots of trips into the loft to get cots, prams and that sort of thing down some decorating and re-babyfy the house.

The best part of the day was definetely being told we can tell our little girl after years of waiting she is going to be a big sister.  It was amazing to see how excited and happy she was... long may that continue when he is stealing her toys and dribbling all over her 

Happy day in the Blackmore house!


----------



## Hoppity

Oh what lovely news, have enjoyed reading. Warms my heart and gives me hope for the future. xx


----------



## nutmeg

Fantastic news KJB, so happy for you    I'm    at the moment that we'll be on intros about the same time as you!


----------



## Billybeans

Woohooo! So pleased you have some good news. Heres to Jan 2013 coming round quickly for you


----------



## KJB1978

We met our LO's foster carers today and they were fantastic.  We got a card entitled, "To my new forever family" and inside were lots of photos and a foot print which made me dissolve into tears.  It was fab finding out all about him, his likes, dislikes and routines but it has made me feel so frustrated that we are still 2 months away from meeting him.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Try to look at it as a chance to give  your daughter a final Christmas season where she is the only one getting 100% attention. Having this time although hard for you is probably really important for her to think and get ready. She Will have her first nativity at school and so much excitement it'll be wonderful for her when he is here but with all she has going on it'll be wonderful to have you all to herself a little longer. Hope that makes sense and doesn't sound insensitive x


----------



## KJB1978

Thanks gwyneth27, its not insensitive at all x

Well today was cringewothingly embarrassing but we made our LO's DVD.  I still think it is insanity as he is now only 7 months old and I doubt he will gain anything from it but it is yet another box ticked on the way to getting him home.  

My DD loved making it and we all had a giggle.  We started by introducing us and said a bit about what we do and what we like doing then introduced LO's big sister and she did a great job (albeit a bit quiet).  We introduced his special build a bear with his special recorded voice message from us in it and then showed him the toys, his bedroom, his bathroom, DD's room, the play room, the guinea pigs and ended with the three of us snuggled up on the sofa reading The Hungry Caterpillar as the FC's said he liked that.

DH is cutting it tonight to make it flow nicely so am hoping it is all ready by the end of the weekend so I can forget about it.


----------



## KJB1978

Well all the paper work has been submitted for panel, and we've less than 4 weeks to go now.

We had a little bit of writing to do about why our LO is right for us and what we can give him etc, nothing too scary.  As usual it was all left to the last minute and we asked if there was anything that needed to be done by Christmas and then got sent lots of bits and bobs but it is all done now.  

We finally have the date to speak to the medical expert on 8th Jan after LO's blood tests results finally arrived.

The foster family have been amazing and I think we are very lucky to have them.  We get little email updates a few times a week usually with lovely photos.  We got a lovely Christmas card last night with our LO's first photo with Father Christmas.  I am so looking forward to bringing him home but it must be such a terribly hard thing for the family to do especially as they have had him since birth but we really like tham so am hoping we can stay in contact.

We just want him home now though.  Christmas being just around the corner, and being his first one it is very bitter sweet him not being here already, we also got a pic of him cruising round the furniture and we so want to be there for his big milestones like walking and it looks like he is just about to start.  Is it mean to ask her to discourage him from moving about too much LOL  

Anyway... have a great Christmas everyone
x


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

Lovely to hear your news! I'll bet you can't wait to get your boy home! Not long now. Fabulous news - well done! x


----------



## KJB1978

We saw the medical expert yesterday which went well so at least we will know one friendly face at panel in 5 days time!

Our lovely SW also told us she has handed her notice in to take early retirement so will be with us for introductions but not after that 

Feel very sad to loose her so quickly into placement but I get the feeling she hates the red tape, nonsense bureaucracy as much as I do.

Oh well - five days left till panel and only a few more weeks till we get our first cuddles


----------



## Billybeans

What a sham about your SW   Good luck at Panel. Not long to go. E.X.C.I.T.I.N.G


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Nearly there KJB, I bet it feels a looong time coming! But yay, its nearly cuddles time, very happy for you all! Sorry to hear about your social worker, but glad she will be there for introductions. You must be raring to go!! xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah so glad it's nearly there x


----------



## nutmeg

Yay KJB nearly there, our LO came home Weds and if I recall rightly they are a similar age - you and your DD will have a ball


----------



## KJB1978

Woohooooo!!!  We passed matching panel today

The meeting went well and we were only asked why our son is right for our family and why we are right for him and then how we are going to balance new son and daughter once the honeymoon period of excitement wears off.  All expected questions and nothing scary.  All done and dusted in 15 minutes.

The decision has to be approved by the decision maker which takes 3 weeks.  GRRRRRRRR!!!!!! and then we can meet him on the 4th Feb and he will come home forever on Valentines Day which I thought was apt.

We both feel emotionally and physically exhausted again tonight (same as we did after adoption panel back in June last year) so it must take so much out of you without actually thinking it does.  Am hoping to be in bed 10 minutes after my little girl tonight


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic news x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Fantastic news congratulations xxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

BIG congratulations to you and all the family


----------



## Maccer

Massive congratulations    so thrilled for you! 






Maccer xxx


----------



## 02cindy

Congratulations I am so pleased for you. How exciting..


----------



## skyblu

Congratulations, We go to matchings panel on the 7th Feb and we are bricking it. I am more nervous about this panel meeting than the last one and I was wreck on that one. Help. lol.

Hope the next 3 weeks go buy quickly for you  

Skyblu.xx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-




----------



## Tiggs81

Thank you for sharing your diary. What an amazing story? Do you mind me asking how old you're LO is? X


----------



## KJB1978

Thanks Ladies!

Our little boy will be 10 months old to the day when we meet him 

SKYBLU - I was the same about the panel and being more nervous.  But just kept saying to myself its cost them a fortune to get us this far they wont have left anything to chance so we just have to smile, get thru it and jump another hurdle to make us that little bit closer x

Have been a little low at the end of this week as just found out that as I am self employed I am not elgibile for a penny of adoption pay.  If I was pregnant I would get £135 a week for the year but not if I am adopting.  Am so angry at the injustice of it as we had budgeted on that money to take the year off work and now we are stuck.  Oh well - nothing we can do - I wrote a huge letter to my MP who has already responded saying she wants to meet me to discuss and is going to take my case further, not that it will help financially.

17 SLEEPS TO GO!!!


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi KJ,

Is it possible for you to go back to your SW and ask for them to consider an adoption allowance to match the 6-9 months of stat adoption leave? If this gives you more time at home to bond with baby boy then they may support that (ESP as your circumstances have now changed due to duff info). 
X x


----------



## KJB1978

LO received his build a bear, Tomy forget me not album and lamenated photos of us yesterday and the dreaded DVD.  

Our lovely foster carer sent us a few photos of him cuddling the teddy and trying to eat the laminated photos LOL.  She says he loves the noisy speaking toys with messages for him as he is partially sighted and especially enjoys it when we say his name.  She said the DVD was good but I apologised to her and the rest of the family for having to watch it continuously for the next 9 days.

Am starting to get ever so anxious and feel shattered all of the time.  Come 7 o clock when DD goes to bed I am quite happy to follow her too but when I lay my head down I suddenly become wide awake.  Ended up sitting up unable to switch off for hours last night so am even more shattered.

We still haven't received a placement plan so no idea how long, when or where the introductions will take place and I need to organise childcare cover, school run cover, time for DD to take off school to be involved and lots of other things with only a week left to organise it which I am guessing doesn't help with my nerves as I am hyper organised and get stuff done very quickly and dislike being out of control.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So close now lovely can't believe how smooth your journey has been it gives me hope.    Sending loads of   to you and your beautiful new family bet your DD is bouncing off the walls x x x


----------



## KJB1978

We got the introduction plan today and it all feels so real and so close now.  I know that is a dopey thing to say as it is real and is close but it really hit home.  Poor hubby was at work when he read it and he was so shellshocked and on the verge of tears for 45 minutes.  And I am the emotional one.

We sat down last night and went over it with a fine toothcomb to work out who would be doing school drop offs/pick up for DD and when we include her and which days.  It has been reduced from a 10 day introduction to 8 days now so LO comes home 2 days earlier than expected which is fab but good god those 8 days are going to kill us.  In 8 days we will have to do a minimum of 700 miles back and forward and all of that with very early starts and very late finishes.  We are looking into getting a hotel close by on a few nights as we leave late at night and have to be back 10 hours later.

We need to liaise with the school to make sure she can have the days or afternoons off we want, grandparents and friends are all on standby with their babysitting duties.  We have the planning meeting on Friday to agree everything and then its our last weekend as a three.  We are going to make sure all the work is done in the house so the weekend is all about fun and DD before we have to split our time which will obviously be tough on her after 5 years of having 110% of our time and attention.. 

I feel like an emotional wreck most of the time.  I am normally hyper organised and feel like im in a bubble floating around.  I keep forgetting things as I am so preoccupied.  Just got to get our head down, get through these few weeks and hopefully I will loose my baby brain

x


----------



## gettina

Just wanted to say what a lovely thought for this w/e kjb. i hope your dd is having lots of fab quality time with you and good luck for the next couple of weeks. It does indeed sound incredibly full on but so very exciting! 
Xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Good luck sounds super exciting x x


----------



## Billybeans

Exciting times!! 
Sounds like lots of travelling and preparing but well worth it, so happy for you


----------



## Mummy Noodles!

So exciting but terrifying but exciting..... wow what a journey! So chuffed for you! You must be    but very   . Enjoy it - you've worked for it!


Noodles x


----------



## KJB1978

Yay - received the official recommendation letter confirming panel today!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Whoo! Great to be official x


----------



## KJB1978

We had the pre placement meeting yesterday with a room full of people.  It went well with only a few little tweaks to the schedule thankfully and in our favour so no more rearranging and its all systems go for Monday at 10:30.  

The house is back to being babyfied ready for Monday, its been spring cleaned to within an inch of its life so I dont have to worry about anything thru introductions so all we need to do now is TRY and relax and sleep and enjoy the last few hours as a family of 3.

We had a family sleepover in the lounge last night all sleeping on blow up beds, watched Smurfs and ate DD's favourite party food all snuggled up with eachother.  We all woke up early but had more lovely cuddles.  We are going bowling and to the cinema today and swimming tomorrow and our friends have put dinner on for us tonight so it will be a lovely weekend and will hopefully keep my mind off of it for a bit... well until bed time when I still cant sleep.

LO is teething though and is up every few hours so its probably been my training on sleepless nights ready for when he come home on 12th.

2 more "sleeps" to go


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So exciting what a lovely weekend. Enjoy every second of the next few weeks x x


----------



## Billybeans

So happy for you KJB


----------



## nutmeg

Thinking of you xx


----------



## KJB1978

DAY ONE OF INTRODUCTIONS:

Well today was D Day and after almost 2 years on the adoption rollercoaster we got to meet our beauitful baby boy.

He is 10 months old, with fine fluffy white blond hair, giant glistening baby blue eyes and the longest most adorable eye lashes most women would kill for.

We walked into the FC home and was made very welcome and he had just woken up from a nap and was sitting playing very happily on the floor surrounded by hundreds of toys. He seems to be the most content, laid back and chilled baby I have ever met. We laid on the floor and played and cuddled and got giggles and smiles.

We were only meant to stay between 10-12 but the FC said we were welcome to stay longer so left at 2 so we managed to feed him, change his bum and put him down for a nap which was fab. He even commando crawled over to me and snuggled up on my lap and I stroked his little face until his eyes shut... for a minute as this mini nap obviously recharged his batteries long enough to crawl around a bit longer. This made me feel great and was very reassuring to see. Im not daft I know there are going to be tears and wobbles along the way but I really don't think the first meeting could have gone any better... unless we could have brought him home at the end of it

Very happy Mummy and Daddy today


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad   been following your story from the start and just love the happy ending x x


----------



## Billybeans

This sent goose bumps over my body.KJB that's amazing. I just can't tell you how happy I am for you. Infact I ahve a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye. Well done you.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

So happy for you, enjoy every second xxxx


----------



## KJB1978

Sorry shining star 😄

DAY 2 OF INTRODUCTIONS

Dropped dd off at school and went to FC a little early and lo was still having his nap so had a nice matter. They're amazing people and were so fortunate our son has been lucky enough to have them bring him up for 10 months.

Lo woke up and I got him out of bed he was a little confused but gave me a cracking smile which made me melt.

We played and the FC left us alone for an hour or so. We sat back a bit more today and let him do his own thing which was tough as just want to pick him up smother him in kisses and make him laugh but know that's not real life so was brave and sat on my hands but he kept coming back and interacting all the time so that was good!

We fed lo lunch then went for a lovely long walk while lo slept in the pram. DH pooped himself driving him for the 1st time and drove like an old woman.

We were meant to leave at 3 but as its going so well was invited to do dinner bed and bath which was lovely too. He was shattered at the end as are we.

We've got a hotel booked for tonight as have to be back at 7am tmrw.

Just hope the snow doesn't settle.

Another lovely day 😀


----------



## gettina

Wonderful. Laughing at the driving comment - just told dh I just know he'd be the same! 
Hope you have another fab day tomorrow. 
Thank you for sharing.
Gettina. X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So funny my dh drives totally different if the nephews are in the car so he will definitely drive  like an old woman x


----------



## Billybeans

So lovely to hear your updates. Can't wait for the next installment.


----------



## KJB1978

DAY 3 OF INTRODUCTIONS

Today was an EARLLLYYYYYYY one as we had to be at the FC at 7am to see the breakfast routine. We were both greeted with big smiles and he held his arms up to Daddy when he commando crawled over.

Again had a nice time learning his routines. We fed him his breaky and tried to get a bottle inside him too but he was having none of it so went and played for a while.

We both gave him a bubbly bath and let him splash around happy for ages.

We called our little girl after bathtime as she had to stay at home because we don't want her missing too much school and we also want time to bond with LO before introducing her to him. She has been so excited for so long about her baby brother but the weekend before we started intro's she started getting upset and has been up at night and clingy which is not like her. Grandma came to look after her which is usually her most favourite thing in the world but she was upset and tearful. Am hoping its just because we get to meet him first as its her turn tomorrow - we can not wait to see them together!!

At 9 am we went on our first trip out all on our own and went to a softplay area for a few hours and another little drive while he had a snooze. It was nice and chilled and he seemed to enjoy it but got upset when we came home for lunch and wouldnt eat very well. The FC said its quite common for little babies to get a bit fretful after a long time with their new mummy and daddy when they come back.

We had more play time then put him up to sleep in his cot before leaving to pick DD up from school.

Am so excited for tomorrow


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Awwww sounds amazing. So glad it's going we'll can't wait to hear about tomorrow 

Hugs xxxxx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

I love hearing all this!  We are probably going for slightly older children so it'll be a little different but it's great to hear how well it can go xxx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Can't wait to hear how they get on. Bet she is really excited x x


----------



## KJB1978

DAY 4 OF INTRODUCTIONS
*
Today is the day I have been longing for through 10 years of infertility heart ache. We finally got to introduce our beautiful 5 year old daughter to her gorgeous baby brother.
*
Its been 24 hours since we saw little man as we had the morning off to meet with our social worker and to start unpacking the huge amount of toys and clothes he has come home with. We picked DD up from school and drove straight to the FC. DD got a little nervous when we got near but when we went in LO was crawling out to see her and she just got on the floor on the tummy and he crawled all over her and she just kept saying "Oh how cute" etc etc. She was sweet affectionate and gentle with him and he slobbered all over her sucking her cheeks, nose and chin much to her delight. DH looked like he could burst with happiness and pride 

Unfortunately I could just not contain my emotions. I've been a bit frazzled by the introductions, complete lack of sleep over the last month and everything and I just broke down for about half an hour sobbing like a baby. The poor FC was lovely taking me to another room and giving me a big hug but everytime I tried to join my new family I started again. I think Ive been holding my emotions in for so long they just erupted uncontrollably.

We got ready and went to the soft play area and LO fell asleep in the car with DD stroking his hand which was lovely. We spent some 1 on 1 time with DD before LO woke up but he woke up a bit grizzly and not himself as he is so calm and placid and this made me feel terrible as I feel he picked up on my emotions and made him wobble too. This made me even worse and ended up having another sobbing fit in the soft play area.

We went back to the FC and gave LO his dinner and he was back to his usual self all giggles and cooing which cheered me right back up. LO's social worker came for an hour visit and we all had a nice chilled out natter. By 5 o clock the crazy fog had lifted and I felt completely normal again but I will admit for those few hours I felt just hideous and doubted myself and the whole thing just because he had cried for half an hour. Maybe a day's break in the middle of introductions would have been a good idea?

The rest of the night went well and we bathed and put him to bed with lots of cuddles.

Its his first day to come to ours tomorrow night so another nice thing to look forward to but am off to bed now as I feel battered and bruised emotionally and physically today so need to recharge my batteries.

K


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Amazing. 


Sending you big hugs xxxxx


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

What a roller coaster! I can only try to imagine how hard it must be during intros, exciting, tiring, emotional, draining, lovely, so many emotions!!!  Looking forward to hearing more!


----------



## gettina

so emotional - but worse if it wasn't! Wonderful to read of your two darling children bonding.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Don't beat yourself up I'm not surprised you're emotional. I know that I will be a total mess. It's  so hard to believe in something when you've wanted it so long. You protect yourself waiting for something  to go wrong. It was probably you letting go of your worries and accepting that you have made it. X


----------



## KJB1978

DAY 5 OF INTRODUCTIONS

Today my baby boy came home for the first time . The FC arrived just after 9.00 and we spent a lovely morning playing, showing him his new bedroom and the play room and the guinea pigs and just enjoying being in our own home with him. We all had lunch together and then the FC left us with him so we had an hour all alone at home which was bliss. He is so happy and content and just crawled around and explored whilst we sat and watched grinning like idiots.

My parents came to collect our keys to pick DD up from school so got to meet him for the first time. We asked them not to rush in and pick him up which was hard for them and he just sat there staring at them and got nervous and curled up on my lap which made me feel great as he is obviously secure with me but I know it was tricky for my parents as they are so happy and want to bond with him too and I love them for stepping back and letting him take his time.

We then had to drive back to FC for the evening routine and to have the mid way review with all the social workers which went very well and everyone was happy. There were a few discussions on what to do if the forcasted snow comes but we are layed back and will deal with it if it happens.

Another lovely day - helped by no hormonal outpouring of emotions and teasr no doubt. And one more day closer to baby boy coming home


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sounds lovely sod the snow. Bet you can't wait till he comes home forever x x


----------



## Billybeans

awh how lovely KJB. Are you seeing your LO everyday now until he comes home?


----------



## KJB1978

Yes Shining star, weve got him all day today, tmrw and Monday just back to FC home for bedtime and then pick him up at 9.30 on Tuesday for his first sleepover  

Because of his age the SW did not pencil in any days off


----------



## KJB1978

DAY 6 OF INTRODUCTIONS

Today the FC brought little man to our house, stayed for a cuppa and a quick natter and left him with us all day. We have all of his toys and clothes now as we have been bringing them back all week so we are all ready now.

We stayed in for a bit and played, but as we had promised DD we would go out we then went for a walk into town to have tea and toast (a Saturday tradition in our house) at my hubby's church cafe. It was very nice as there were lots of friends who were so happy to see little man and us so we got lots of hugs and everyone said hello to LO. Only about 5 couples but it was still a very nice and proud feeling to show my baby boy off at long last.

LO fell asleep in his buggy so we walked home, got his tea ready and ate ours but he had a huge sleep of nearly 2 hours which is unusual for him. When he woke he was a bit disorientated and starving and polished off a huge bowl of blended lumpy roast dinner which i had made him. He must have eaten 1.5 times more than my daughter did and she is 5 so will definitely be speaking to the Health Visitor when they visit as quite concerned at the amount he can pack away and whether thats normal or not.

LO was a bit grizzly again and wanted picking up every 5 minutes and then as soon as he was up wriggled to get back down so he is obviously a bit unsure of whats going on but on the whole he is doing extremely well. My daughter kindly taught him to play the drums and blow raspberries on my tummy and LO spent ages doing that giggling away..

DD and LO are getting better together. DD has a habit of being a bit too in his face and we are trying to teach her to give him a bit of space. He is very affectionate to her though and loves sloppy kisses but he bit her and left a mark today and she cried, then he cried. She was so sweet though and after a kiss from Mummy she kissed him and said "Its OK - I still love you, but that really hurt".

We all had dinner together - well everyone else ate a nice hot meal, I had cold dinner, to go with the cold coffee I "haven't" been drinking all day. Its so hard to juggle everything but we will find our way I guess.

A quick bath and bottle then back in the car for another 50 minute drive back to FC, LO was fast asleep so we transfered him from the car to bed without waking (phew) and then drove all the way home again. Only 12 hours and we will be driving back again - I hate that journey now. 4 times in one day tomorrow - eurgh!!!!!

Anyway, thats me for tonight - only 3 more sleeps to go x


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## Mummy DIY Diva

DD is so cute I still love you but it really hurt. Glad it's going so well he sounds like he's adjusting  as well as he possibly can. Nearly there now x x


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Ahhh, bless DD! Lovely to read, you must be exhaused but it sounds to be going so well. What a fab little family! Enjoy today, like Gwyneth said, nearly there!x x x


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## KJB1978

DAY 7 OF INTRODUCTIONS

Just 12 hours after leaving we are back to collect LO from the FC again. He had a really bad night and she was up most of the night so he definetely knows something is up as he is not poorly.

Drove all the way home straight after picking him up and spent a lazy day at home. We made sure he had his nap at home in his new bedroom and he got very distressed for 20 minutes with Daddy so I tried and amazingly he caved in. I held him tight and shhhhusshed him and put his comforter half over his face like my nephew likes and within a minute he was sound asleep - Super Mummy to the rescue. LOL!

Grandma and Grandad met him today as they are looking after DD as we do not want her to drive back with us tonight as it is a school night and we get home so late and that will not do with a busy day of learning ahead for her tomorrow.

We're just about to set off again for the 3rd 50 minute journey today but have sodded the money and checked into a hotel for tonight and tomorrow so we can save 8 more trips back and forward as we pick him up again at 9.30 for his last day of introductions.

2 more sleeps to go


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Super Mummy to the rescue. Glad it is all going so well.


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## someday

Loving this! Have a fabulous day today!  All very exciting.xxx


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Love reading this diary really makes my day. 

Have a good day today and tomorrow he's home forever yay!! 

Xxxxx


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## KJB1978

LAST DAY OF INTRODUCTIONS

We've got through introductions in one piece!!! Woohoo!

Apart from severe exhaustion and possible dehydration from too much crying we are all good.

LO came home had another chilled day, managed an afternoon nap with only 2 minutes of grizzling before settling.  We did the first of many school runs and didn't get too many weird looks or people asking questions.

Everyone who knows is ecstatic and being so kind.

We've got a hotel booked tonight and have a nice meal and a bottle of wine to celebrate our last night as a family of 3 before baby boy comes home forever.

Bet I don't sleep a wink tonight!

Thanks for reading and your lovely comments x


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## Mummy DIY Diva

​
Enjoy your chilled night don't think I could sleep either way to exciting. Bet you DD is bouncing off the walls. Try to relax and have a nice warm bath or something (think I'd be mostly bouncing on the bed screaming whoooo!!)

So pleased for you. Glad people aren't being too nosy makes life a bit simpler. x x x x


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## Billybeans

Hi hunny, is today the day? Is LO coming home for good today? How amazing. I ahve goosebumps. So so excited for you and really enjoyed reading the introductions updates. Stay calm today and enjoy every second. Congratulations to both of you.


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## KJB1978

Well little man has been home since Tuesday morning and things have gone a bit pear shaped 😄

I think it was the exhaustion/excitement of introductions but brought him home expecting to feel elated and instead spent the next 3 days throwing up I'm sure it's just my nerves nor a bug but it was the worst timing.  Apparently it's quite common after introductions to get sick.

That, a complete lack of sleep as LO is unsettled and only slept for 3 hours and being near to my time if the month has made me a quivering wreck - I've stopped being sick today and my positivity has come back thank god!

If I'm honest it still feels as though I'm babysitting and I hope the love comes soon x


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## Mummy DIY Diva

It will I promise you   . You are doing an amazing job. I always get sick when I go through times of extreme emotion so I am not surprised on a practical and emotional level that you are ill with everything you have had to deal with. 

Keep smiling because it will get easier. x x


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## Hoppity

Dearest KJB,

Have been following this journey, and sadly I do not have any experience or pearls of wisdom to offer.

You have bared your soul throughout, and shown intense courage, patience, hope, strength and honesty.

You've also shown immense love. For your daughter, your husband. You have been hard on yourself on occasion. All I will say is, please show yourself some love. Find your patience and strength again and I am certain love will follow for LO.

I can absolutely imagine that it feels like you are 'looking after' another woman's child. I suppose in it's most raw state that is essentially how it starts. But it's so much more than that and in a few months it will feel like he's always been part of your family and you will not remember what life was like without him. So many new mothers say 'what did I do before him?! What did I do with all that time?! And you know, you are just like any other normal, sane new mother. The self doubt, the exhaustion and the conflicting emotions.

I have nothing but admiration and awe for you and your family and I wish you all the very best. Please be kind to yourself. 

Jx


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## gettina

Just saying good luck with it all really. Hope by the time you read this you are feeling loads better and little One is settling too. 
Xx


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## KJB1978

LO has been home for a week now and things are starting to get better. He is very settled and happy during te day and I know he is attached to each of us and he loves his big sister already which is just amazing to watch!

We've managed to push his bed time from 6 to 7 and are working on moving dinner from 4 to 6 but he is a hungry boy and gets quite angry when he is hungry we've got til 5 so far which is a good start.

Night times are still a challenge and he stirs every 45-60 minutes all night. He's not really awake but screaming and thrashing about  in his sleep. I just stroke his face in the cot and he chills out, breathing calms down and drifts back into a deeper sleep. But last night either I was too tired to hear or he is settling in at night but he didn't wake til 4.50 am then I just changed his hum and he slept back til 7.30. I feel like I've slept for a week and feel refreshed. Fingers crossed it continues!!!


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## Mummy DIY Diva

That is amazing so glad you've got some sleep x


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## KJB1978

Two weeks since baby boy came home

Im happy to say the last week has been a huge improvement on the first week and we are all getting used to eachother and life is getting back to normality. LO is back to his usual happy chilled and gorgeous self.

Weve worked out that if he gets 2 good sleeps in the day then he sleeps all night (mostly) and its made us both a lot happier.

Last week was half term so spent a very quiet week at home with a few little trips out and no nasty school run to deal with. The foster family visited twice as did the social workers and that went well. 

DH goes back to work tomorrow after almost a month which will be odd for me and am worried how LO will react without him at home all day. Im hoping that it won't rock the boat too much as he seems so happy.

Got friends coming for a catch up and even more social worker visits to keep me busy for the first few days on our own with baby yoga to look forward to


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad everything is calming down hun. Hope your beautiful children enjoyed half term together bet DD kept herself very busy fussing over her need brother. Take care enjoy your sleep and SW visits  each one is a step closer to making things official x x


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## nutmeg

Glad everything is settling down nicely now KJB (()) Can't believe you didn't get too many weird looks at school - I think 50% of the mums at our school came up and asked me what was going on


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## KJB1978

Baby boy has been home for almost 10 weeks now. We've filled in our legal papers ready ho take to court on Tuesday.

Life is well and truelly back to normal now. We've got into a nice routine and have started going to a few groups which he enjoys for a bit but gets clingy when it's noisy as he is partially sighted so gets a bit unsettled with lots of noise.

I'm still not sure if I love him yet but it's growing every day. He was very poorly over Easter and its really helped me bond as he was so unwell and needed lots of tlc and cuddles and actually let me do it. He only wanted me which helped and he's all better now but still is being affectionate.

I've written the settling in letter to birth mum but was told I wrote too much. She has asked to meet so sw's agreed if she can prove she is in a good place til July then they will set it up. I will be terrified but will do it.

That's about it from me. Can't wait til it's all legal so can get on with normal life!!! With no more SW visits, as lovely as they are I feel like I'm being spied on constantly 

Hope your journeys are going well
X


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah glad he's settling well bet you can't wait to make it official. Is meeting birth mum post placement part of your agreement or has it just been suggested. I thought face to face tended to be during intros / at the start. Good luck with sorting everything x x x


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## Billybeans

I'm glad you are starting to get into a routine now kjb.
I'm sure the bond between you will keep on growing. 
Hope the meet goes well.


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## Inmydreams

Just wanted to say I have enjoyed reading your diary ad wish you all the best


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## KJB1978

We were asked if we would be willing to meet the birth parents when it was all going through months before introductions and we said Yes but they decided against it as they are very volatile and not accepting of the decision to adopt.  Birth Mum has since left Birth Dad and contacted them and asked and they have come back and asked again so we will see if she continues to do well.  Am very nervous but it will be good for her and for my baby.  Our LA tend only to do the meet the parent thing after the child has been placed and is settled rather than before.

We took the legal papers to the court today and had a quiet meal out just DH and me which was nice and the first time we have been out together since baby boy came home.  We then had a meeting with SW's and the adoptive parents of baby boy's sibling.  They were very ncie and seem down to earth.  We discussed timings and when, how and where etc.  

Am a little nervous on how birth daughter will be when she meets baby boy's biological sister and whether she will be jealous but am hoping it will be ok.  She knows she is his real sister now.

K


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## KJB1978

Got our court date for the end of June. Can not believe we are almost at the end of this journey and will be finally left alone to be a normal family. Woohoo!


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## crazyspaniel

That's brilliant news xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing news hun


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## KJB1978

Just had our first little weekend away as a family of four and it all went really well.

We were blessed with amazing weather, rather than the monsoon we were expecting and baby boy slept better than everyone in our party.  we camped and I was terrified it would totally unsettle him and he would be awake and keeping everyone else awake all night but he slept like a log.  Must have been all that fresh air!

Only got 10 days left til the 2nd review which i know is a formality but after the 3 hour grilling at the 1st review and not looking forward to it.

Then only 1 month and 1 day til court.....  HURRY UP!!!!


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## Mummy DIY Diva

So glad it went well hun. Good luck for your review x x


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## KJB1978

Just had our 2nd adoption review with all the social workers and health visitors.  One more hurdle jumped til the end game!!!

All went fine they have no issues, we have no issues.  All happy.

It still sends me into such a panic when I know they are all coming though.  I always feel guilty like I have done something everytime I see a police officer and its the same with the Social workers.  I panic that they will think something awful is happening when its not and they will take baby boy back and remove DD from our home too.  Ridiculous I know but my mind plays some fantastic tricks on me 

Must be the stress of the whole process sending me slightly loopy.  3 weeks today and it (fingers crossed) will all be over!!!!


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## KJB1978

Our son is now legally ours.  The court date went quickly and within 5 minutes it was all done and
Dusted.

We have the celebration day in a few weeks and a little family party tocommemorate the occasion.
No more sw and hv visits!!!!! Woohoo......


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## Emma-is-a-mummy

Wahoo congratulations 

So happy for you  

Xxxxx


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## skyblu

Congratulations.xxxx 

I have sent you a personal msg.
Skyblu.xxx


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## Sq9

Congratulations! Must be an amazing feeling


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## Mummy DIY Diva

So pleased x x


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## gettina

Wonderful milestone. 
  
Congratulations
Gettina x


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## KJB1978

Our little Prince had his Celebration Day today on the same Day as the Royal Prince was welcomed into the world and it just seemed perfect timing!

The celebration day was lovely.  We met the Judge who signed off our application to adopt.  As LO is only just a year old she spent lots of time and attention on BD and made a big fuss of her and asked her to introduce everyone who had come and then got all the children to go up and sit on her chair and talked about the crest of the court.  We all had some photos done together and was presented with a certificate.

We all then went and had a picnic with close family, the foster carers and LO's soon to be god parents at the local country park on the hottest day of the year.  we all relaxed and nattered and played football and frisbee and fed the ducks.  Very chilled and a perfect ending to a very long and at times agonisingly frustrating journey.

Thats it we are all done and dusted and a happy family of four!

Thanks for reading everyone and good luck with your own journeys

xxxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

What a lovely day couldn't be happier for you all x x x


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## gettina

Wonderful. Hope all going really well day to day  too.
Thanks for letting us know - it seems to have come round soo fast!
Xxx
Gettina


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## Billybeans

That's fantastic, what a lovely post. So happy for you. xx


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