# Someday's adoption diary



## someday

Hi all

I thought I would start a diary and it might help me remember things and also hopefully encourage anyone that would read it.

After 3 failed ivfs we decided we would adopt. This was no easy decision especially for dh who for sometime had been against adopting.

In Decemember 2011 we went to an open night at a neighbouring LA. We have friends who adopted with this council and found them very professional, helpful and supporting so we didn't try any other LA. The open night was very informative although through our friends adopting we knew most of it before. 

We then phoned the LA to say we were interested and they arranged for a home visit. We got to work on cleaning and tidying the house from top to bottom. The house has never been so clean. lol

The visit was on 25th Januaryl I was really nervous before they came and sitting on edge for the door bell to ring. When they arrived it was rather relaxed. Plenty of questions about us, our upbringing, our fertility treatment, why we chose that LA etc. It went rather well and one of the Social workers did a two minute look around the house just to check we had space, no holes in ceilings etc. They said they would have to speak to their team manager about us going on the prep course. We were given the dates for the course which were 16 & 17 Feb and 1 & 2 March. 

About 10 days later (we had been away) we got the call to say we could go on the course. I found this waiting for the call similar to when we were having ivf and you are waiting for each stage, enough follicles, enough eggs, how many fertilise etc. Nervewrecking!!

So we have no had the first two days of training. It has been exhausting. Dh works nights and hasn't been able to take the time off work so has been coming in from work, shower and breakfast and then heading out and going straight to bed when we get home. Not ideal at all but its how it is. The training has been really helpful. We have heard from social workers, adopters and play therapists. It has been really helpful to hear about the process of a child going into care and being placed for adoption. The adopters have had different experiences with their children, some had learning difficulties and one actually diagnosed with adhd. 

On Wednesday(22 Feb) we go to meet the Adoption team manager to complete our application form. This is all becoming more and more real. We are actually applying to adopt. We are hoping to adoption in the age range of 0-5 and hopefully two siblings.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Hi someday

Good luck with your journey and your meeting on Wednesday. 

I've been cleaning the house all day really for our 1st sw visit tomorrow we're hoping to go
On the prep course in march. 

Lovely to read your diary look forward to reading more

Emma xxxx


----------



## flickJ

How exciting Someday, things seem to be going so well for you, congratulations and best of luck


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Hi Someday

Wow things have moved pretty quick!  Have you started to get your head around it yet?

Your story struck a nerve with me with the 3 failed cycles and DP maybe not seeing eye to eye for a while.  But so far it sounds so good    Congratulations lovely!!

We are very new to all this although in my heart it felt like it was a long time coming.  We hope to have our first SW meeting and have been told the prep course looks set for April/May time.

Will look forward to following your journey, Love Lolly   xxxxx


----------



## someday

Thanks ladies  

Well forms completed today. Signed the dotted line!! Dh said we are now expecting!! lol


----------



## flickJ

That's great news, I am so pleased for you


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Haha, love DHs way of looking at it   Congratulations to you both!!! Exciting times  xxxxx


----------



## rikschick

Good luck with your journey. We have just been approved and are in the process of being matched with siblings who are 1 and 2. 


xx


----------



## KJB1978

Good Luck with the process - I LOVE LOVE LOVE how your partner described it as you are expecting, what a lovely way to look at it xx


----------



## someday

day 3 of 4
today we heard about the assessment programme and we were given the actual forms we will fill in with the questions we will be asked. we heard from a child psychologist and a paeditrician who assesses the kids and also sits on the approval panel.

we were also told who our social worker will be and we met her. amazingly she is the social worker that our friends D & M had - she is also irish which is a huge plus  

a good but tiring day. the paeditrician went on a long time and it overran by about an hour - poor hubby was shattered and is now snoring away upstairs!!

Day 4 tomorrow.....


----------



## someday

day 4 went well. we had a guy who had been adopted years ago when adoption was different. he shared his story which was really interesting. the lady who does the life story books talked for a while about what she does and showed us some examples. we also had a bit about contact which was thought provoking. we would rather just do postbox contact. we also saw some examples of what birth parents write. these are obv vetted before they get to adoptive parents and some are really bad. 

now we wait for our social worker to call us to arrange our first homestudy visit. she said she will ring this week but tbh she seems rather laid back but we shall see xxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Sounds really interesting for someone hoping to start the prep course in the next couple of months.  Bet you are quite drained now though what with the emotional side, imagine it to be quite overwhelming at times.  I hope that you hear from SW soon, masses of luck to you both! xxxx


----------



## someday

Thanks lolly. Tbh i think the second day was most emotional. We talked about the situations kids are taken from and placed into care. the days were long 9.30 - 4, 9.30 to 3 on the last day. please ask if you have any questions xxxx


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Thanks Someday!  I'm sure I will after Tuesday.  We have our initial interview with a SW from the adoption team, which i'm sure will raise a lot of questions.  You may regret saying that...  

Take care xxx


----------



## nutmeg

Just been reading this with interest Someday as we're at about the same stage. We have days 3 and 4 tomorrow and Tuesday. We've been completely drained all week after last weeks session.

I'll be following you with interest, instead of being cycle buddies we can be A road buddies    I don't expect to be allocated a sw'r very quickly based on what we've heard so far, but fingers crossed it won't be too long   

Good luck to you x


----------



## someday

hi nutmeg

the days are very tiring aren't they. you have so much information to take in and there is emotional stuff too. 

we didnt expect to be assigned a sw so quicker either. friends of ours adopted last year. it took about a month for homestudy to start for them. we now think it was because they had 12 couples in their prep and we had only 4 so it was easier to assign sw's

how did you find the first two days?  are you wanting to adopt one or two and what age would you like?

xxx


----------



## someday

we were expecting a call last week from our social worker to arrange the first homestudy - no call, no surprise. im getting impatient as i just want to start it going!!


----------



## flickJ

Good luck Someday, the waiting is so hard isn't it? Sending loads of


----------



## E3021

Hi Someday,

if you don't hear from your SW today, perhaps give them a ring tomorrow - we have rung ours a few times and although she sometimes seems a bit miffed that we've got to her first I think in the end she has appreciated how keen we are to keep things moving - at the end of the day they understand that we're desperate to be parents.

Good luck.


----------



## someday

well our sw called yesterday. i think she hates me already! she asked about coming round this week and asked if wed or thurs would be best. i said thurs and so she asked what time would suit. i said 6.30 as i dont get home from work till 6. She said this wasnt possible as i (me) will have had a long day at work and there is a lot to work through so it would end late. The latest we could do it was 5. I know this is true but i thought from our prep training 6.30 would be ok. anyway ive had to check with work to sort out the time off. I have managed to get to leave at 4.15 and work my lunch to make up the time. So 5 it is! I've tried to ring her back but she's not in so awaiting a call back from her.


----------



## flickJ

It must be so frustrating for you to have to try and juggle times and dates, but at least you are showing that you have made every effort to make an earlier time   I am sure you will work things out somehow


----------



## someday

im fuming!!! our social worker lets call her C. When she phoned yesterday she was coming out tomorrow night and i was confirming today. When i eventually spoke to her this afternoon she is no longer able to come tomorrow night and is on holiday next week so won't be able to visit until 29th March! Yes i know it's only two  weeks away but we are really keen to get moving on this and I was worked up to starting tomorrow. She is sending out a medical form for me to complete so we can get the ball rolling on medicals. 

Pizza and dvd tonight so that will help me chill!


----------



## flickJ

Oh how frustrating for you   

You must feel devastated at the moment, but look on the bright side - she is sending out the medical forms so at least you can move on with something. I know it's not much but it's progressing     

You have a nice relaxing time tonight, take care, hun


----------



## someday

thanks flickJ

i have calmed down and accepting that i may have to get used to delays. she will be here in 2 weeks time. 

on a plus note she said she would send out our medical forms for us to complete so they can send it back to our GP to arrange our medical. the forms arrived today so will start getting them filled out - mine might take some time!


----------



## someday

well homestudy starts this week. our SW is coming on thurs and im bricking it! I feel really nervous and scared she wont like us and we will clash and she wont recommend us. Wondering what to expect the first night. we looked through the forms last night and really talked about what we could and couldnt take on. very difficult but really for the best.xxx


----------



## flickJ

Best of luck Someday, I'm sure you will be fine - I imagine it must fee daunting be I am sure you'll manage brilliantly


----------



## someday

well I'm not very good at updating this. I was never good at keeping a diary. This week we had our 2nd mtg with our SW. Officially it was our first home study. She asked us to talk about our upbringing, our school, life in general, our work, relationship etc. It was all in our chronology that we had to write but i guess she checks that it matches. I also need to add my nieces and nephews to the family tree - all 35 of them!! I was trying to get away without doing that but she says I need to add them!
our homework is a list of our previous employment and questions on our health. I also had my medical this week. It seems to have gone well apart from the gp saying that I should go and see an optician as when she tested my sight it wasn't great. fab!!I guess it could be alot worse. DH has his medical on Wednesday but I'm sure that will be fine too.
I've had a couple of wobblers this week about our finances. Currently we both work full-time. the plan always was for me to be a full-time mum when we had children. we would still love to do that but I do worry about the financial side of that. I also know from friends the amount of money that we would be spending on childcare if i was to work.


----------



## someday

i am so  rubbish at this diary keeping   

we are now over half way through our homestudy. It is going really well. Our social worker C is very nice. We are getting on really well with her despite a little bumpy start. This was probably more about me than her really and my eagerness to get started.

We have had our medicals and dh's has come back fine. The doctor from the panel wants to talk to one of my consultants briefly as I have a couple of health issues. I don't think it will cause any problems. Our CRB checks have come back fine. We have had some work done in the house mainly new fencing in our garden and some work done in our utility room. 

We have 3 more sessions with C, one in June and two in July. We then meet with her boss and C will meet our referees - I'm nervous for them as I know one for two of them will be feeling nervous about it. I'm sure it will be fine though.

We are booked in for panel in October - not sure what exact date. I am beginning to get excited about becoming a mum but trying to keep my feet on the ground. I am excited that this will hopefully be the last father's day that I can hardly look dh in the eye. Although yes I do already feel different this year. C has been talking about when rather than if we are parents for a few weeks now and that is so positive.


----------



## Billybeans

Hi Someday, I have been reading your diary and would love to read more, how are you doing? Have you finished the HS now? Hope all is still going well and  you are on track for panel in October.
xx


----------



## nutmeg

Hope things are still going well, we appear to be at similar stages.


----------



## someday

aw thanks ladies. I have never quite got the hang of updating this diary. We have just finished homestudy inc the one to one. It all seems to have gone well. she will meet our referees in sept as some of them are on holiday, then she will send us our report and do the H&S check. We are still on track for oct panel which is very exciting.


----------



## Billybeans

Fab news.


----------



## someday

So far she has met with two of our referees. They said it went really well and nothing to worry about. The third is still on her hols so hopefully she will meet her soon. We are on hols next week (not going away, apart from a couple of days in London for a family funeral). Hopefully SW will contact us in the next week or two about coming to visit. She has to show us our report and do a H&S check. 

We have an amazing friend who handed me a cheque and said "its for the children". When I opened it I find a cheque for £1000. Gobsmacked! Is not the word. Truly amazing!!!


----------



## someday

All 3 referees now met, report checked by us with us minor typos and inaccuracies, back with SW to be fixed. We are on target for approval panel on 17 October. We are so excited. Part of me is worried it goes all belly up but really no reason for it to.


----------



## nutmeg

Woo hoo! We'll be there a few days behind you!


----------



## Billybeans

all sounding positive here and not long til panel now you must be so excited and nervous. Look forward to hearing how it goes.


----------



## someday

Well on the 17th October after what seemed like a horrendous panel we were approved to adopt 2 children. SW got quite a going over about our support network. We don't have immediate family here but have a bunch of amazing friends who are really behind us and I know I could call on at any time. We stressed this to panel who were happy to unanimously approve us. However, our support network will need to be looked at when we are matched. I am not sure how that will happen but we will deal with it then. 
So the wait to find our family begins. Will we get the call this week, next week or indeed next month. I do think waiting is the worst part of this process but it will be so worth it.


----------



## KJB1978

Congrats Someday -  praying for a quick match for you all.  We waited 4 months for news and it was as you said the worst part.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Congratulations someday fantastic news  xx


----------



## flickJ

Amazing news Someday, I am so happy for you


----------



## someday

end of our first week post approval. we've not yet had our letter from the agency decision make person. They said a week and yes we are impatient. This waiting is worse for us than any 2ww we have had.


----------



## someday

Well according to our SW it won't be long until we have a match. How long is that though? lol 2 weeks, 2 months. I suspect it means that they have a match and are working through all the legal stuff etc. I am learning patience.xxxx


----------



## Loobys

I hope you have a match soon x I found the wait quite hard but now little one asleep upstairs it is all a distant memory xx

Fingers and toes crossed for you xx


----------



## Billybeans

Fingers crossed and  for a match soon.


----------



## someday

We are still waiting.... We are coping well now and have settled that it could be a while. we are having fun being just us and going out on dates, days out, meals out etc. sort of things we won't be doing when Lo's come along. We are thinking about a few days away over christmas, prob in the UK but somewhere to chill and relax.
Bring on 2013....


----------



## someday

A couple of weeks before Christmas SW phoned for a chat, see how we are doing etc. She said nothing happens in the courts in Dec so definately have news in the new year. I'm not sure when the new year is in SW world. I expect phone to ring on 2nd January! lol not really!!

DH and I went out looking at bedroom furniture etc yesterday. It was very exciting but there is so much to choose from and the unknown of what our match will be gender and age! very excited in Ikea looking at the kiddies cutlery etc. We also need to replace our fridge freezer as our current one is dying and we need a larger one anyway. i think we have found one online.

We have had a lovely Christmas. very relaxing and chilling (unlike next year!). I'm off work until next Wednesday so enjoying the break. 

2013 is going to be so exciting!!


----------



## Billybeans

Hope your not waiting too long and you get matched in early January.


----------



## someday

We are still waiting for our babies. This is much longer than I ever thought it would be. We were approved 3 months this week. Yes it isn't easy but it has got alot easier than it was at the beginning. We know our time will come and we just have to be patient. 

We got a letter last week from our LA. It is about a support group for people waiting for a match. We were undecided whether or not to go but have decided that we will. From what I have read here it is an after adoption support group but this month a special emphasis on those waiting and the introduction process.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Sending hugs honey, I know how you feel we've been approved 2 months today and the waiting is horrible I keep thinking I hope they don't forget us. 

Hope you fine your lo's soon 

Hugs xxxx


----------



## someday

Getting so tired and frustrated with waiting. I emailed our SW today about going on the national register. I haven't had a reply yet. I don't think she will be pleased as she will think (and prob right) that we are trying to get some info from her. We haven't had even a sniff of a match and we are almost 4 months approved.


----------



## KJB1978

Hang in there Someday it will happen.  We waited 4 months too and it was excruitating but we are in the middle of introductions now and our baby boy moves home on Tuesday and its soooooooo worth the wait.


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Thinking of you honey, I know exactly how you feel the waiting is awful. We will hopefully go on the national register in about 2-3 weeks time so I'm hoping things may pick up then. 
Keep on at sw until she puts you on it honey. 

You will be a mummy soon

Hugs xxxx


----------



## someday

thanks ladies. It is so hard and frustrating not knowing what is going on. We think they do have a match but there is all the court stuff to go through but we are not even sure of this! I know it is best not knowing in case it all falls through but it's also difficult not knowing. I wonder sometimes if we were being to picky with our tick box but we were honest and said what we thought we could cope with.


----------



## someday

SW replied to my email today. She wants to come round to "catch up". I don't want to catch up I want news of a match!!Anyway I said ok and she is coming round on Wednesday evening. The good thing is that she can't stay too long as we will be heading out for the waiting adopters meeting. I know that sounds awful but we will just be going around the houses with how we are doing, how the match has to be perfect (which of course I agree with!) blah, blah. I do want to broach the subject of the national register again and see if she agrees to it. I feel the months are rolling on and obv will continue to and summer will be here before we know it. 

We struggle as we are unable to plan things. DH needs to put in for holidays for the next few months. It's my 40th in May - do we have a party, two of us go away or the 4 of us go away! Limbo is not a nice place!


----------



## someday

After my email to our social worker about going on the national register she called about coming to visit to chat about where we go from here. She was to come on Wednesday but we had a little snow so she cancelled and came on Thursday evening. DH was making tea when she came in so we were chatting and she asked me how I was doing. I said I was a little tired and frustrated with the wait. She said she had something to tell us that might help that! We have a match!! I really can't believe it! A 2 year old girl and a 4 year old boy. There are a couple of issues with the boy but we have decided to move ahead on it and will ring her on Monday to let her know. This is early days but we are very excited. We don't have names or photos yet as she said she didn't want us to get too attached in case we say no which is fair enough. I am going to be a MUMMY!!!


----------



## Billybeans

Yey!!! At last what a relief. So exciting. So what happens now? Matching panel?


----------



## someday

Shining Star said:


> Yey!!! At last what a relief. So exciting. So what happens now? Matching panel?


It is still early days so she is coming on Tuesday with their full report, then we have to meet loads of ppl! their social worker, foster carer etc then matching panel!


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh Someday, I am made up for you!! I know it is early days but signs are very promising, it is all so exciting!!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Roll on Tuesday very exciting x x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Fingers crossed for you honey xx


----------



## someday

Social worker is coming out tomorrow evening with names, photos and full file. SSSSSSSSSSSQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Whooooooooooooooooooooooooo!


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Yay fab news honey xxxx


----------



## someday

Tonight we have got names and photos - needless to say we are in love!!!


----------



## Sheilaweb

Someday, I am over the moon for you and hubby.... stick me down on your support network hunnie, I already have a bag of lovely clothes for your daughter....eeehhhh you'll be looking forward to being a first time Mummy around your 40th too, such a special birthday - and I can't think of any better gifts ..... delighted for you hunnie - can't think of better parents those two lovely little ones are going to have 

Can't wait to meet your family when you're all settled - maybe we may bump into you at The Farm !!!

Luv n hugs
Sheila


----------



## someday

Sheilaweb said:


> Someday, I am over the moon for you and hubby.... stick me down on your support network hunnie, I already have a bag of lovely clothes for your daughter....eeehhhh you'll be looking forward be being a first time Mummy around your 40th too, such a special birthday - and I can't think of any better gifts ..... delighted for you hunnie - can't think of better parents those two lovely little ones are going to have
> 
> Can't wait to meet your family when you're all settled - maybe we may bump into you at The Farm !!!
> 
> Luv n hugs
> Sheila


aw Sheila Thank you! I can't wait to show them off. I will bring pics next time I see you! We are so excited!! Thanks for the rec on the farm!xxx


----------



## Sheilaweb

Any news on when your family will 'be home' Someday?  If you wanna come to the Farm anytime, either before or after they're with you - you'd be more than welcome to join us for a picnic - but looking forward to catching up with you in the next couple of weeks x x x x

Luv n hugs
Sheila


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news bet your LO is beautiful x x


----------



## someday

Today I got my first mother's day card! I also got a pot plant of my favourite wild flowers and a cooked breakfast in bed. My husband is a legend! next year he will have help!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Ah how lovely and next year will be even better x


----------



## Sheilaweb

Argh Someday - thats wanderful practice from your hubby - we ended up playing musical beds on Saturday night, and I ended up in the spare bed - I was in a wonderful deep sleep and H yelled "MAMMY" at the top of her voice right in my ear - boy did I wake up quick!!!

I got a lovely Mickey/Minnie Mouse pyjama top - I asked where the bottoms were and she said I would be ok just wearing my knickers ha ha ha My hubby aint as talented a cook, I was given toast... H asked if she could share - of course you can poppit, it's because of you I'm being treated like a princess.

You are going to be a fab Mammy and hubby a fab Daddy - can't wait to meet your lovely family x


----------



## someday

Sorry for lack of update. I'm not very good with diaries.

Well this week we had matching panel went really well. They didn't even have questions for us. Just chatted a bit. Gosh I feel so emotional. Went out for lunch and did a bit of shopping.

We met with social worker afterwards and have a plan for introductions on a phased basis. We meet the on 29th April for a couple of hours and then build it up over the next week. We bring them home on 8th May. SO SO excited.


----------



## Sheilaweb

Fabulous news Someday - delighted for you x
Can't wait for a proper catch up x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Amazing news congratulations xxxxx


----------



## someday

2 more sleeps and I meet my babies. Gosh!!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! Amazing news x x x


----------



## Sheilaweb

Someday, your babies are beautiful and what you told me about your new family, brought me to the verge of tears.... I couldnt think of a more deserving couple to have such lovely little ones - you and hubby will be fab parents..... enjoy every moment of meeting your babies tomorrow - you will all be in my thoughts.... have actually found another bag of clothes I missed last night, and Hannah is only too happy to give your little family members her bath bubble maker -and if you want to pop through I can give you the slide for little missy to play with.
Thanks for a fab night last night x x


----------



## Emma-is-a-mummy

Wahoo not long now. Have an amazing day honey xxxx


----------



## someday

sorry for lack of updates. Not good at all at this diary stuff. Also I was really busy lol. Intros went really well. The children seemed to attach to us rather easily. The FC and their social worker had prepared them well for meeting us. They came home on Wednesday and have settled really well. Once DS mentioned about going back to FC and Daddy said he would be staying with Mammy and Daddy. He seemed happy about that and hasn't mentioned her since.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad you're getting on so well x x


----------



## -x-Lolly-x-

What a lovely update to read   very happy for you and your new family


----------



## Wyxie

So glad to hear things are going well so far.  I'm sure you're making the most of all your time with your new family.


----------



## Sheilaweb

Fabulous news x


----------



## flickJ

I am so pleased that you and your family are so happy   Best wishes to you all


----------

