# Goldies IVF/ICSI Part 18



## Rachel

New home Goldies  

Lots of love and luck to you all xxxx


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## nuala

Hi Goldies,

Well I wish I could start this new Goldies thread on a positive note but I've just got stuck on this hurdle 

Went for scan today (Stimms 5 Days D/R 13 days).  After being prodded and poked they still couldn't find my left ovary - it always goes into hiding 

Basically everything is going a bit too slowly for their liking and my lining is now too thin (it was a little too thick on the last scan) 
I've to go back on Friday for Bloods and scan and depending on the results (sadly the good scan girl will still be away) I have to prepare myself for this cycle to be cancelled.  They will let me know on Monday      And move me to a short protocol - but I do not know how long I will have to wait before starting this    

Trying to rest now so things can grow    

Nuala


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## Lorri

Nuala - I responded to you on another thread (http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=39181.0) . Good luck for next scan and bloods  . I have blown you some lucky bubbles too !!!

Cesca - good luck with fet today

Sculley - are you triggering tonight ?

Diane - I hope you are resting up and thinking positive vibes on your 2ww

My news is that my embryos divided overnight and I have a 2 and a 4 cell !! Feeling a little happier, still feel cheated though, but nothing can change that now, just have to stay positive for the 2 fighters I have.

Please everyone keep us updated on your progress, its great knowing about other similarly aged ladies.

Should we start a progress list for each page ?

Take care

Lx


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## trundlepuss

Just been reading this thread and thought I would add our story as we found it useful to read about others experiences when going through IVF.

We had being ttc for four years. My partner had 4 positives, but these ended in 1st trimester miscarriages. As she was (almost) 45, we decided to try a cycle of IVF so that if we remained childless we would feel at least we'd explored every avenue. We settled on ARGC for the usual reasons. Initial tests revealled high NK cells which could be the reason for the m/c's, so we decided we'd go for IVIg (but were unconvinced by Humira). FSH was pretty good at 5.5. We started the stim's, and my partner responded well (too well, she only took injections for 2 days and with hindsight had ohss) Anyway, at EC we had 21 eggs (wahey!).

We decided on ICSI+PGD. (I don't know why we were given ICSI rather than IVF as no male factors). We decided on one cycle with PGD (rather than two cycles without) as it appeared to be statistically a better option at this age, particularly has we had a lot of eggs, and would also avoid the possibility of a termination if we transferred an embryro with Downs etc.

Anyway, 16 eggs fertilised (wahey! again). Many of the embryo's looked pretty good and started compacting etc. but the PGD revealled that every single embryo was abnormal (I think they repeated the PGD on some embryos to be certain). Apparently, the best looking one turned out to have Downs. So no transfer. As you can imagine - somewhat of a shock to go from wondering how many embryo's we may have to freeze to not even getting to ET in the space of a few days!

However, we had always tried to take a realistic outlook on the whole thing and in some ways this was the second best result as it was very conclusive and gave us a sense of closure. (Maybe if we'd not had the PGD, it would have ended in a m/c and we would have tried again with Humira etc.).

We had a follow-up consultation with Mr. T at ARGC and even he - who must have seen it all - seemed surprised by both the number of eggs and the number that were abnormal. He agreed that continuing treatment didn't appear worthwhile. So after having put of lives on hold for the past few years, we started planning for a child-free future.

Ironic postscript: we now know that during the follow-up consultation, my partner was 2 weeks pregnant (the first natural cycle after the IVF and we weren't ttc). Obviously, with the PGD results we were very cautious, had nuchal-fold, CVS, ultrasound tests as soon as possible etc. but we're now at 24 weeks and everything still looks totally normal - expecting a daughter at the end of January! It's a cliche, but the last year has definitely been an emotional rollercoaster - the very best of luck to everybody riding it!


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## sculley

What a great story - thank you for sharing it with us.


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## nuala

Lorri - thank you for your kind words and support

Sculley - Thank you too

Trundlepuss - Thank you for such an uplifting story - it shows that miracles do happen.  Enjoy every moment.

Just been for acupuncture and she gave me everything to try to waken up my little follies              so here's hoping the next 48 hours make all the difference to follies and my lining.

Nuala


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## Lorri

Trundlepuss - what an amazing story !  Congratulations and thanks for sharing it with us goldies !  I would guess that ARGC did ICSI because they may have thought your dp's eggs may have had hard shells, as she was older. Obviously not the case, as she managed pg all by herself (with your help of course   ).  

Nuala - Acupuncture has probably done the trick for you, there will be no stopping you now. Keep thinking positive thoughts and chanting positive mantras. This is what I chanted, sounding like a crazed woman "My eggs are growing. My eggs are maturing. My eggs are of good quality".   

ET is tomorrow pm for me, if embies continue to divide. Embryologists have sounded so positive and encouraging, so my hopes are rising.  I will just have the 2ww to contend with then !

Take care everyone.

Lx


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## cesca

Well girls I have good news, our 2 frosties survived the thaw on wednesday and today went in to see if they had survived the night. They both were still dividing from a 4 and 8 cell to a 6 and 12 so the news couldn't have been better! So we had the transfer and are on the 2 week wait again. Fingers and legs crossed untill the 27th of october.


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## sculley

Lorri - hope ET was ok....happy 2ww (stay in touch)  
Cesca - 2ww....good luck  
Nuala - hope news tomorrow is positive  

Me am EC'ing tomorrow, nervous - but looking forward to getting back to feeling better!!!! (sometime in the near future would be good). 

Sculley


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## Laine

Hi Goldies,

Just wanted to wish you all lots of luck!

Laine x


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## Lorri

Cesca - Thats great news !  Good luck on your 2ww, lets hope this is the one for both of us.  

Sculley - Good luck for tomorrow, I will be thinking of you.

Nuala - Good luck with your scan and bloods tomorrow, hope you get the right result this time   

I had my 2 embies put back today, 1 is a top grade 8 cell, but the other was still only a 2 cell, so probably nothing is going to happen with that one, but no point in leaving it out.  Testing on 25th October 

Lx


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## yonny

Hi there!!
A really quick post to wish Sculley and Nuala all the best for today!!
Will look in later to catch up!!!
Lots of love
Yonny x


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## zora

Hi Lorri good luck on your 2ww hope this is the one for you.
There'e a lot happening today hope everyone is OK. Will  check for more news later
Z


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## nuala

Hiya Goldies!!!

Sculley - Thank you for the good wishes - which clinic are you attending?

Lorri - Hope the ET went well today   and your embies are tucked up safe.  Take it easy and lots of    

Cesca - congrats on youur little frosties being back at r(w)oom temperature.  Take it eash too      they sound like fast growers  

Laine, Zora and Yonny - Thanks for the supportive wishes for today  

Just back from London having spent almost 4 hours at the clinic....  the same lady who couldn't find my left ovary scanned me again today and she still couldn't find it - guess its camera shy  .  She reported two follies growing of decent size on my right with three others seen but smaller.  I know there is at least one large follie on my hidden ovary as it gives me lots of sharpish pains like the last time.  My lining is much better 6.5    but the scan lady didn't hold out much hope.  I then saw a nurse who said as I had two good ones to keep going but I was upset and disheartened and asked to see the doctor as I did not want to go through the whole EC for 2 follies  

I saw a lovely doctor who was much more upbeat and said it is still too early to call it - to keep taking the drugs and come back on Tuesday when they would make a decision as Liz the good scan lady will be back and hopefully my camera shy ovary will step out into the bright lights!!   She explained there is no such thing as a wasted cycle as they would simply convert this one to IUI if not enough follies for IVF so I'm much happier to keep taking the druggies   

Heres to lots of growing follies this weekend.

Nuala


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## Lorri

Sculley - I hope EC went well yesterday, I am anxiously awaiting your news. Hope you are recovering nicely, with your feet up. 

Nuala - Thanks for your good wishes, I am trying to take it easy. As its the weekend, I have dh running around after me, I'm still in bed watching extreme makeover home edition, with a cuppa beside me - herbal of course   . The doctor is probably right, its too early, so keep taking the drugs and maturing those eggies and developing that lining. Just keep drinking plenty of water and milk and get plenty of rest, they are all supposed to help     . 

Diane/Wannabemum - I just responded your note on 2ww board, I am so very sorry for your BFN, there are not enough words  

Zora - I hope you are doing OK, my thoughts are still with you. 

Hello to everyone else - have a great weekend ! 

Lx


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## Lorri

Still no news from Sculley ?! 

Nuala - Keep growing those follies and lining !


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## Sally123

Has anybody heard from Diane (Wannabemum42) over the weekend? I was just thinking of her and hoping all is ok. I'm not sure if she has posted an update on another thread (I'm still finding my way around the site)?
Sally


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## Lorri

Unfortunely she got BFN - she posted on 2ww board.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=39513.0


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## cesca

Hi girls .I am now on day 4 after fet and am doing well. Feel good and not getting too paranoid yet. I think I have resigned myself to the fact it would be a complete miracle I'f it worked this time.We have had 4 attempts one being cancelled due to ohss. The cycle that the frosties are from was nearly cancelled due to ohss again but the clinic let me coast for 4 days so my oestrogen levels dropped to a safer level,before ec. Still suffered horredous pain with very swollen ovaries.The embryos we used in that cycle ended in a bfp but I miscarried at 6 wks There were 2 left over which were frozen.So this is our 5th and finall attempt as I am 44yrs old and egg quality has gone. What us older dears have to go through with all the worry of treatments and the same time the old biological clock ticking away just to add to the pressure! 
I hope everyone else is ok and keep smiling!


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## Lorri

Cesca,

I don't know whether to respond on this thread or 2ww thread, as we both chat on both  

I am also resigned and feel that it would be a complete miracle that it would work (can't get last bfn out of my head), but miracles do happen, and we have to cling on to that !  You got a bfp with these embies last time, so hopefully you will get bfp again, and maybe this time without all those stims in your system, you will carry on to full term  .

I still am having horrendous pains in my ovaries, especially  my left side, which is the side that had least follies ! But I know that will go on for a while, but will get better. 

I know what you mean about the pressure and biological clock. The ticking is giving me a headache ! 
Lx


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## cesca

Hi lorrie , I know what you mean about the pain in your ovaries i was very bad last time but it does eventally go as they reduce in size! I was told they are normally the size of walnut sbut after ivf they can be as large as tennis balls which is why it hurts!! Having an fet cycle I just feel so normal now which is great on the physical side but i keep thinking no pain no gain   I think I have lost the plot! speak to you if I get any twinges!!!!


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## nuala

Hi Goldies,

Cesca - Congrats on your FET - they sound like strong little embies - go, go, go ^stickyvibes^

Lori - Glad to hear your DH is looking after you - here's to lots of     

Sculley - Hope you everything went well at the weekend  

Today I feel drugged to the hilt - its Day 12 of stimms - and I am restless to find out what the decision will be for my scan tomorrow.... here's hoping all those (bum clogging) Zita West vits, (fat building) protein drinks and (sometimes called torture)acupuncture has done their thing.........

If all is ok we will have EC on Thursday.......

Nuala


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## zora

Lorri hope you are doing OK. 
Nuala  hope your results turn out well. 
Sculley hope you are OK not heard form you in a while.
Me , I'm feeling a lot better now mentally . I'm seeing my consultant on Friday so hopefully we can move on and progress towards a more success ful cycle. Fingers-crossed
BTW does anyone know where the mite button is for the biological clock. it's been deafening me lately !!
Z


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## cesca

Hi girls.woke up this morning feeling soo heavy down there,It feels just like before a period, got up and did the usual breakfast etc and feel normal again. All the progesterone I'm taking must have made a really thick lining coz it feels so heavy!!! Not thinking any bad thoughts and if they do creep in they are banished very quickly!!   I must be positive!!!
Nuala... Hope all goes well today keeping fingers and toes crossed for you ( thats if I can uncross them first for me!!)


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## sculley

Dear All, have been out of action (broadband wise) for a few days.  DH blew up the NTL set top box on Friday afternoon (after my EC) when he was plumbing in our new dishwasher.  I have advised him now to switch the electricity off next time he cuts through a live cable!!!

Anyway, today (Tuesday) I feel like i am just getting back into the land of the living.  EC went well on Friday, they collected 9 eggs from my 12 follies.  Apparently I bleed alot on the operating table, which when I was told scared me a bit.  So was kept in hospital for a few more hours to ensure it had stopped!!  

Was very very sore over the weekend, but was told that 6 of the 9 had fertilised, so we were happy.  

Yesterday went for the ET, they had selected the two best ones and as there had been an extra day they could tell that 4 of them, which had only divided to 4 cells (and did not seem to be dividing any more), were not good enough to freeze.  So they implanted the two, one 5 cell and one 6 cell.  We saw them on the screen which was kinda nice.  My DH was with me, which was nice.  Although i think he was a little perturbed by the implantation when my consultants head disappeared between my legs still chatting away!!!  

So, like so many others I am now on my 2ww.  

Anyway today, Tuesday, Mr NTL came and gave us a new set top box and ....well here i am, back in internet land.  

Still feeling a little sore, but nowhere near as bad as i felt over the weekend.

How is everyone else......am going to try to read all the threads to catch up - but hope you are all ok  

Sculley


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## Lorri

Sculley,
Congratulations ! Sounds like you had the best 2 put back.  Welcome to the 2ww.

It is a bit weird to have dh watching another man with his head between your legs    . Mine thought the same, but its all in a good cause. I didn't get to see mine on the screen this time, but I did last time, and it was lovely.

Lots of positive vibes for your 2ww       

What is your test date ?

Cesca - I don't feel heavy, just still lots of ov pains, but am not expecting much symptoms.

Nuala - Good luck for your scan today


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## nuala

Hi Goldies,

Glad to hear you're all doing well especially those on their 2ww    

The lovely scan lady was back today and found my left ovary immediately   that was the good news!
Sadly it had 4 teenie follies   so no go for that.
My right one has two good sized follies    and another 4 baby ones     They did my estradiol levels and they are great 2900 and lining is great too but we had a difficult decision to make.  As there are only two follies at the right size should I go ahead with IVF or do IUI.  In the end we decided IUI as I just couldn't go through the whole IVF and they not find anything in the two follies or for them not to fertilize.  Guess its just been a bit of a bad cycle though they did say people just sometimes have a bad cycle and they do not know why!!

Feeling a bit relieved after all of this and off on Thursday for IUI - never had this before so will be a new experience.

Nuala


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## sculley

nuala - good luck if all goes ahead on Thursday.  What does IUI involve?

sculley


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## cesca

Hi girls...Well its been a week since our little frosties have been out of the freezer,hope they are warm and cozy by now and have been doing what they are supposed to  be doing,  IMPLANTING!  Felt a little queasy last night but was probably imagining it .Its amazing what you can get your body to do when your desperate!!!

Nuala  good luck for Thursday ,Is Iui when they put the sperm into the fallopian tubes after making you ovulate?

Sculley  Your little embies are nicely settled in now  ,when is your test date?

Lorri.. went out  yesterday and bought my pg test kit and put it in the cupboard out of sight!.Sainsburys do 2 for £8 which I thought was quite good.Hope the ov pain goes soon for you. 

sending lots of good luck to you all


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## Lorri

Nuala - Good luck with your IUI tomorrow ! At least you won't have to go through EC. Take it easy and come and join us on 2ww, us goldies are taking over the 2ww thread ! 

Cesca - Ov pains are calming down (a bit), I have been feeling nauseous throughout treatment but have put that down to drugs. I started to feel a little crampy last overnight. Its a bit early for AF (I think - but you never know), I am hoping and praying its implantation. I am now knicker-checking ! 

Sculley - IUI is Intra-Uterine Insemination. Instead of egg retrieval and petri dish fertilsation, they put the sperm in the right place and let nature take its course.  I don' think IUI is suitable for problem sperm or blocked tubes - but I am by no means an expert.

Zora - The biological clock is not so much ticking as booming - in my ears anyway  . Very best of luck for your followup Friday, I hope you get the answers, and some compensation for a new tx, if thats what you decide.

Lx


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## sandee2002

Has anyone had any treatment abroad for ivf or icsi.?
?..I see there is a lot of bfp for those going abroad for egg donation..My eggs are ok not sure what to do

regards
sandy


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## cesca

Hi girls.. Had a horrible experience today. ....I was walking my daughters pony through a field when the pony spooked ,reared up and came down on my shoulders! I was so shocked I was shaking and just burst into tears.Just couldn't stop crying. When I got to the stables my friends made me a sweet cup of tea. All I kept thinking was will the shock do anything to my babies!! couldn't say anything to the girls at the stable so felt so stupid as I just couldn't stop the tears!  Since then I have this horrible feeling of nausea which will not go .Its only been 6 days since our fet and our frosties were 4 days old on transfer. I'm so worried the shock will have done something.


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## Lorri

Cesca - What an awful thing to happen, poor you  I hope you are OK and have recovered. I don't know the answer to your question I'm afraid, but you have to continue think positively. I read one woman's story a few days ago, about getting kicked in the somach by a horse, and going on to get BFP, so please try not to worry.

Sandee - I don't know, except to say there is a board "Going abroad for tx" which may be able to help you http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=119.0 .

Sculley - how are you doing today ? 

Nuala - best of luck for tomorrow !

Lx


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## cesca

Hi girls feel fine this morning ,got over the shock, but I was very naughty and took a test late last night. It came up with a very feint blue line meaning i don't know what as this morning I took another and it was negative .Totally screwed now!! wish I hadn't done it now.I really do think I have lost the plot. I don't seem to be doing anything rational, !  (I think the shock from the pony made me do it...promise!!!)

Sandy.. I think if your eggs are fine then find a good clinic in the UK and go with them.Good luck in your decision.

Nuala.. Hoping all goes well for you today


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## Lorri

Cesca - Its maybe way too early to show up on a test, surely !?! Certainly not all tests are sensitive. Have a look at the 2ww board, Wannabemum started a thread about which hpt was best.  I have been thinking about when would be the earliest I could test, and was thinking maybe Sunday. I don't think I can stand the anxiety the last 2 days bring - if its anything like last time, when I was virtually hyperventilating ! 

Lx


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## Lorri

Cesca - I just found that link i mentioned above http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=39427.0. Time of day and urine concentration can affect HCG levels for HPT's, so please don't despair ! Wait for a few more days.


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## cesca

lorri , that was so sweet of you to look that up for me .I do feel so much better Knowing that she went on to have twins as well!!  How are you feeling at the moment ,any twinges? This 2ww is really doing my head in, I don't seem to be focusing on anything else. I think desperation has set in as I know that this is my last chance ,as our quest is finished if this fails. speak to you soon cesca x


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## cesca

Nuala.. How did you get on yesterday, Hoping all went well for you.
Sculley...  How are you feeling today? Hopefully keeping your feet up and taking things easy! 
Here is some fairy dust for all of us on the goldies link I think we need some!!


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## sculley

Hey all Goldies....hope everyone is good today?

Cesca - thanks, i am feeling a little better today.
Lorri - hi, how are you doing today?

My AF type pains are slightly better today, they seem worse in the morning.  Am definitely feeling hungry....but we seem to have no food in the house and this fact does not seem to bother my DH!  What am i going to have for my lunch!

I am trying to work from home..........but it is not very easy.  I have done at least one hour today....not sure how much more will be done.  Luckily I dont have anyone checking up on me!  I will definitely be going back next week.  Do a few days in the office then a few more days at home.

Anyway....any news from anyone?

Sculleyx


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## Lorri

Hello ! 

Sculley - perhaps you should order a pizza for delivery !?  I whinged at my dh the other day saying there was nothing for me to eat for lunches, so we went shopping yesterday !  I normally eat a lot of eggs and have been cooking omelettes or having soups, but am bored with those - but had run out anyway. I also have been eating vege burgers from the freezer (left over from summer bbq), but I bought some lovely looking organic ones from Waitrose yesterday.  I had some more mild cramping this am (mornings do seem worse - could it be bladder related?), I am also getting lots of sharp pains (wind ? ) but am sooooo bloated ! I look about 4 months pg, but I know its only the drugs.  

Cesca - I am glad you are feeling better about things. I am feeling a bit desperate about things, and although we will probably have a third attempt, we will have to save up for it first and time is running out, and I am worried that my fsh will not ever allow me another attempt.  What are we like !!! Still, it ain't over till the fat lady sings.

I am watching 6ixth sense with Colin Fry and it is making me tearful. God this 2ww has made me so emotional. I have barely stopped crying/shedding the odd tear since my EC (I shed a lot of tears that day but that was the shock of the early ovulation)

Each day is a milestone girls, one day closer to testing ! Lets make it a hat-trick  

Lots of fairy dust to you both 
               

Lx


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## nuala

Hi Goldies,

Cesca - you must have had such a fright   - horses are such powerful things - glad to hear you're ok now  

Lorri - the emotional swings on this are pretty powerful at times, I keep trying to keep things together even though I feel like taking to my bed for 2 weeks... not possible I'm afraid   

Sculley - know what you mean about trying to work from home _ I do this all the time and yet find it most difficult when going through this process  


Hope you are all doing well and heres to lots of BFP's on this board!!

Yesterday went ot the lister for IUI.  They had same problem with bump in my cervix    so lots of fiddling before they could do it.  Good news is my DH produced mega sample of the day with Dr. Wren and the nurses all oohing at the quantity and quality         so he was smiling as I was groaing with the pain of the speculum.

Last night putting in bottom bomb (cyclogest) it hurt and this morning it hurst and stings when I pee (posted this on 2ww wait board too).  ANyone else had problems like this as don;t know if it was problems yesterday causing it or the dreaded cyclogest?     Testing Nov 2/3 if I get that far this time....

Nuala (dreading peeing       )


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## sculley

Nuala - great news about the sperm!!  

I have had some painful experiences which might be caused by the the 'bottom bombs' as you so nicely called them.  It feels like during and after weeing that my insides are getting back the space they need.  It happens also when pooing (sorry....no medical terms here!) .  I am really uncomfortable first thing in the morning.  I must admit though each day now i am beginning to feel a little better.  I even went out yesterday!!!!!!   My 15yo daughter wanted to go to an open evening at the local college.  I thought that i couldnt go in my trakkie bottoms and jogging top (the only clothes that dont make me feel uncomfortable).  By the way, wearing 'pants' was awful for the first 2 days after EC.  Anyway put on my work type clothes (as jeans are still out of the question) and was just able to do up the zip!  I look about 4-5 months pregnant...hope it goes down soon!

Had some very strange feelings today, the AF type pains are disappearing and have had some distinct 'tugging' type feelings....very weird.  It could be AF starting....as I am sure i have felt something like it before.

Anyway, anyone want to share their toilet stories?

   to everyone

Sculley


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## cesca

Hi girls..Nuala great news about the swimmers   bet you were both really pleased. Bottom bombs is a great way of describing those dreadful things ,it did make me lol !!!    

Sculley. your tummy will eventually go down but then hopefully will be back up again so keep those trakkie bottoms looking good!!

Lorrie.... I was a naughty girl again just couldn't hold out! read on...

This feeling of nausea will not go away, and last night I had to get up in the night to get a glass of milk just to keep it at bay until I could get to sleep! Any way I had to pop into the chemist to get some aspirin as I had run out and spied a pg test you can take up to 4 days before your period is due, so into the basket it went with the thoughts I will do it next week. Anyway got home around 2.oopm and I just kept thinking shall I, shan't I? . The long and short of it was I did the deed and it was a bfp..faint but definitely there!!!  Still won't start dancing in the street untill next week and I do it OFFICIALLY!!


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## Lorri

Sculley - LOL !  I have so many toilet problem stories too from last time ! Most of them involving cyclogest being "torpedoed out !  . I went out too yesterday (with dh) and wore tights and a skirt, felt too that I should get out of my trackie bottoms. Ditto on th 4-5 month pregnant look, my jeans were too big before, but they fit now !

Lx


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## Lorri

Cesca - We crossed !  You are sooo  naughtly !  That is fab news ! A line is a line.  Congratulations I am excited for you !  Which test did you buy ?  Think I will go and get myself one


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## cesca

Lorrie...It's the clear blue and it says on the packet you can test up to 4 days early..(Rainy day mentioned it in one of the topics.)


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## sculley

You naughty early testers  ...............remind me i said that next week  

ps off to watch Trisha now.  Lorri was it you who said they had been watching a brush with fame....i am disappointed that i will be at work next week and will miss the next rounds!! 

Sculley


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## cesca

Hi girls.... as you know I have been very naughty and been testing far too early, but after this treatment thats it ,end of quest , so I have just been making sure I get the testing out of my system because never again will I be able to go into a shop and buy one in the hope I get a positive!!!


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## sandee2002

Hello,
I have posted this on ask the nurse too but I thought the goldies would be the ones to ask?
We had ICSI in August BFN. long protocol didnt respond so great
My embryo was graded A1. At the ripe age of 44 I have been told by one clinic today that my sucess rate was 2%, I am very upset. They said the way to go is with donor eggs. I thought that was the way to go if your eggs were not of good quality. But my eggs are OK. I dont know what to do? Any advice would be gratefully received. Anyone been in this situation?

Regards
Sandy


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## cesca

Hi Sandee  I like you am 44yrs old and last year we went to the ARGC clinic in London for Ivf as have had 3 failures at our local hospital. Well I produced 22 eggs of which 11 fertilised. They were all good grades and dividing well .we then sent  cells off to America for anupleudy screening which tests for genetic flaws. All but one came back either with downs or something else .That was so depressing. I think that is the reason your clinic is suggesting donor eggs. Your eggs may look great under the microscope but their genetic make up may be suspect .It happens rapidly after the age of 40yrs. I hope i haven't depressed you too much and hope you will speak to me again!!


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## JackieB

Oh no, that's really depressing!!!!  I am 43 and had 2 grade 1 embies put back last Saturday.  I am only too aware that, even if we are very lucky to get a +ive next week, we then have even more hurdles to jump re higher m/c rates, genetic problems etc.

All I would say is that lots of "older" ladies have healthy babies, and I know of 2 people personally who were under the age of 30 and had down syndrome babies, so it's not just an oldies thing.  So we must try to keep positive.  We have overcome so many hurdles already.....


----------



## sculley

Cesca - sorry, forgot to say a quiet, congratulations.....will say it loudly to you when you test on the correct date!!!!       

   to everyone else

Sandee - good points made by Cesca, but why did you do the long protocol?  Thought us oldies were only destined for the short one (not that i would recommend it....it was hell!) Whoops, to all those who have not started their cycle yet....i was only kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honest  

Lorri - what is your decision on early testing?  
Hobie - next week............arrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (GOOD LUCK!)
Jackieb - i agree, lets stay positive

hope everyone has a good weekend

Having just got my appetite back i think i will be eating for england - might try Hobie's diet of sausage and eggs....yummmmmm

Bye for now
Sculley


----------



## Lorri

Cesca - you have a very good point ! I am veering more and more towards early testing this time. I still have one I bought off the internet and checked it out, it tests for 25 (same as the early one you did), but says on first day of missed period, hmm !  I am a bit nervous of testing too soon though, so maybe tomorrow or Sunday. Are you still at ARGC ? That is where I am.

Sculley - yes it was me that mentioned about brush with fame. I think I will likely test early, I am soooo tempted, just so that the official test is not such a shock !

Jackie -  you can't think like that, the chances of it happening are still quite low ! Yes, Downs is a risk, but would it really be the end of the world ? They are supposed to be such loving and wonderful children. I am not sure how I would cope, but I think it would be preferable to being childless.


----------



## cesca

Jackie .. Don't  be worrying ...remember I had one that was fine and thats all it takes!

Lorri ... No longer at the ARGC, we couldn't face another fresh ivf cycle especially with the amount of work you have to put in at the ARGC,. We had a cycle at our local hospital 2 1/2yrs ago and had 5 grade 1 and 2 embryos .The best 3 put back and the 2 left over bunged in the freezer!!! We thought we would leave those until time has run out and we can no longer do a fresh cycle. That time came this year !!

Sculley ...  thanks for the quiet congrats...but as you say we can only shout when its official!!!


----------



## cesca

where are you all Goldie's?  No posts since yesterday!!!
well today I'm feeling a little worried as nausea seems to have gone... keep wanting to test again to reassure myself but am resisting as I really don't want the feeling of we might have made it to go.So worried ,we have had so many dissapointments before,..... I can't bear it.  
Lorri ..I saw one of your posts regarding you testing today... Don't forget it can take a while for the hormone to be strong enough to pick up. Remember the one I took didn't show up and then later did. it is so hard to keep thinking positive ,but thats what we all have each other for. here is some fairy dust for all of us


----------



## Lorri

Hi,
Cesca - It is probably too early to have morning sicness, so the nausea may have been side effects or angst, so try no to worry about it. A line is a line !  I am sure your official test will just confirm it. Just make sure you keep your feet up and continue with the healthy eating. 

I have been keeping a low profile, as I am feeling a little low. I am convinced it hasn't worked, especially after this morning.  I will wait and see what Tuesday brings before I completely fall apart. 

We are going to save up for another go next spring, can't face doing it over Christmas or the winter.

Sculley, Nuala and Jackie - how are you doing ?

Lx


----------



## JackieB

Hi Lorri

Sorry to hear you're feeling low, I hope you're feeling better today.  Not sure where you are, but here in Essex the sun is shining and it looks like a lovely day so may go for a walk in Epping Forest in a bit.  Off to watch my beloved West Ham this afternoon - so that will add to the stress   At least it will take my mind off other things for a couple of hours at least!

Only 2 days to go for you - try to be positive (I know it's very hard).  We're all rooting for you and hope you have some happy news.

I am trying massively hard to stop analysing everything but it's nearly impossible.  Went back to work last Thursday, which was good as I was really busy having been off for a week.  Hopefully I will be busy Mon. Tues. Wed. and then I have booked Thursday off as it is test day and wouldn't be able to face going in if it's a -ive.  Plan to go out and get horrendously drunk if it is!!!!!

Anyways, chin up and good luck for Tuesday day.

Love
Jackie x


----------



## cesca

Hi Goldie's.. 
Lorrie Sorry to hear your so down. IVF really is an absolute roller coaster of emotions ,especially in this awful 2ww. Don't forget keep your chin up you still have a few more days for levels to change.I really hope the news will lift your spirits.

Jackie.. I am doing official test on Thursday too...Wine (2 bottles !)are already in the fridge, If things are good news then Dh can drink the lot himself!!!

I have gone back to feeling physically normal which is very worrying as I have been nauseas since Wednesday..mentally my brain is completely frazzled don't know if I can take any more pressure!


----------



## nuala

Morning Goldies,
I did check in to the board yesterday but didn't post... 

Cesca - a line is a line, I know its sooo hard not to worry about every sympton or lack of them   but not long ot go now! 

Lorri - sorry to hear you've been feeling low   it is such a rollercoaster without any drugs mucking with your head    sending you lots of   


Sculley - I have been on the long protocol both times but guess if I go again it will be short one after poor response this time around.  In fact at The Lister the long protocol is somwhere between the long and the short one its a Lister protocol... they have lots of individualised protocols apparently.

JackieB - its beautiful here in Cambridgeshire too - will go for a walk in the forest a bit later.  Hope your team wins  

I am beginning to feel normal (?) today.  On advice of clinic I stopped the bottom bomb cyclogest for two nights and am feeling a lot better though still brings   to my eyes when I pee!!   My DH had to go to Italy for work so have time to plan for his birhtday next week and put my feet up.  I'm not as keyed up about this 2ww as I know it is a long shot - or maybe not with all of those swimmers.  My DH was really chuffed when I read out what Zita West said about sperm quantity 'even if a man can produce up to 300 million' and what was his sample 300 MILLION......  What a stud!!  


On that note - have a HAPPY SUNDAY GOLDIES


----------



## Lorri

Hello goldies!

Thanks for all your words of support. The strange thing is, I don't feel pre-menstrual. Last tx, the weekend before my bfn I felt like I had pmt and knew it was all over, this time I don't, but then I am on gestone instead of cyclogest, so maybe that is keeping my pms at bay. Though I do feel like I am having AF at the moment, except there is no bleeding (all the same aches and pains and bloatedness, headaches etc)

Jackie -I am in South Hertfordshire and it seems quite sunny here. DH is "playing" with his car today (pretending to fix a few bits). I am due back at work tomorrow, but can't face it. Not sure if I will call in sick for a couple of days, or work from home. I hate my job at the moment, as I have just been "restructured" and my role split, and I have been given the less responsible/less managerial role, and some idiot has been brought in above me as my manager to do the other part. Partly my own fault, but doesn't stop me from feeling crap about it. So maybe a sickie will make me feel better. What do you do ?

Cesca - Normality is good, just focus on "the line", you got one and that is the best news any of us can have. I think I will be on harder stuff than wine on Tuesday night ! 

Nuala - did you ask your clinic for gestone instead of cyclogest ? You must be pleased to have a respite from the bombs.

Sculley - how are you doing ?  

Good luck to you all and hope you have a lovely sunny Sunday where ever you are. Take care of those embies and think lots of lovely implantation thoughts  

           
       

        



LX


----------



## sculley

Lorri   hope you are feeling a bit better today?

Everyone else, have a good few days.  I am off to work today (boo!) and tomorrow (double boo) so will not be logging on.  I hope i dont miss too much.

ps i am feeling better than i have felt for ages......good sign or not (i dont care!)?

Sculley


----------



## sandee2002

Hy Scully,

I dont know why I was put on the long protocol..my fsh was 9.8. This was our first ICSI and am pretty niave about it.......unitil now..looks like a fast learning  curve. 
Cesca...did you have your one good embryo put back? And was it expensive do get the test surely there is somewhere in britain that would be able to do it>?

I am thinking of going abroad, I believe Cornell in new york have a really good sucess rate...got a bit of hope one of the consultants says at my age up 20% sucess rate.......and a clinic in moscow altra vista have good sucess rates for our age group has anyone thought of going abroad for treatment?
Good luck everyone
regards
sandy


----------



## zora

Hi Sandy nice to hear from you. I too was on my 1st IVF on long protocol (I'm 41 ) and had a poor response in Sept2005 . Also naive but learning fast FSH was 9.7. They say the 1st IVF is a trial and some places like to start on the long protocol. I have heard from lots of others over 40 who were on the long protocol. One of whom is pregnant . It just goes to show there are no hard and fast rules a lot depends on the individual response and we are all different. Unfortunately it is harder for us goldies ,a fact which I am finding hard to digest. At times I feel like giving up even though I've only had one attempt but even if there is a small chance for the moment I think I will stick with it
Z


----------



## cesca

Hi Goldie's.. Feeling really low today.. having done a test and having a very faint line I should be ecstatic but I am so worried things are fading.This is what happened to me before. My official test date is Thursday . I just wish I could have the blood test as then I would know for sure if levels were rising or falling.Just wish I hadn't tested early as I wouldn't be doing this now! I just don't seem to believe it will stay in there!

Sandee .. we did have the embryo put back but I had a bfn.It cost abot £2000 for the genetic testing at the argc clinic in wimpole street london.

Lorri.. how are you feeling today?

Sculley..Glad to hear someone is feeling good!!


----------



## JackieB

Oh Cesca, poor you, 2ww is hard enough as it is without having the additional worry.  Have you done any further tests (was it Friday you tested)?  Perhaps that would put your mind at rest if you did another one and that too was positive.  Just a thought.

I've just booked for a blood test at my clinic for Thursday but couldn't get an appointment until midday!!!!!!!!!  I will be going mad but don't think I can do one at home - I wouldn't believe it either way so probably best if I go straight for the blood test.  Having severe AF pains today (low abdominal cramps and back ache) so things not looking good for me


----------



## zora

Hang on in there all you 2ww-ers. We are overdue some good news. Fingers-crossed for you all
Z


----------



## Lorri

Hello Goldies,

I am feeling pretty crap today. Did the early clearblue this morning and it was negative, so looks like it is all over for me. I will go for my official blood test tomorrow, but I am not expecting a different result. I went back to work today too, so double whammy. Oh well, at least Eastenders looks like it will be good tonight with the Mitchells back.

Sculley - shame about work, but good you are feeling better. 

Zora - I am glad you are feeling brighter. It is hard to know when to give up, but if you have the money and the mind, then you have to keep going. I have just about run out of both, so have to decide what to do now. I just feel so upset that this go was scuppered at EC.

Sandy - I think the success rates in the  US are much higher for our age groups, but I think I read its because they do the pgd testing and so are assured of the embryo quality they are putting back. But that is sooo expensive.

Cesca - could you get an HCG blood test from your GP ? 

Nuala - hope you are getting on ok

I will let you know my official result tomorrow, but don't expect any miracles - I'm not, I'm resigned to a BFN.

Lx


----------



## sculley

Lorri - i am sorry   it is difficult to know what to say, other than try to stay positive x

Everyone else, i am feel like AF is on its way  

This bloody IVF thing just takes over every waking minute doesnt it?

Loads of meetings at work tomorrow, so hope the day passes quickly.

Will be thinking about you all (especially you Lorri) 

Sculley x


----------



## zora

Lorri , good luck for tomorrow. I too am back at work now and it is a welcome distraction . Phil and Grant are back so more to watch on TV . 
Z


----------



## yonny

Hi girls, 
havent posted for a while but it doesnt mean Im not still logging on and keeping up with you all!!

Lorri and cesca, sorry you're feeling so down, I have no words to make it all any better so Ill just send you both a big ^Cuddle

Sculley, hope your day at work went quickly, and glad you're feeling much better!!

Jackie, Nuala, hope things are ok!!

Ive had a bit of a dilemma myself recently!
Ive been offered a job abroad for six months with the airline I work for................ but after (not!) MUCH deliberation Ive decided to turn it down.
I know I dont start treatment till Jan (and only then if everything is ok!)
but Ive got myself into a bit of a regime with trying to get my body ready for treatment and I really do not need the added stress of managing an airport overseas!!
Plus, I wouldnt have returned to the uk until April by which time I would have had to start all the testing all over again whilst my 41st birthday thundered towards me!!!

Im sure all you girls understand my decision, as does DH, but my company are acting like Ive turned down the lottery!!!!
Really upset that they cant seem to see I have a life outside of my job and that some times other things take precedence!! 

Any how, rant over!! 

Off to make a cup of tea, been up since three, came back from USA yesterday and not got back into time zone yet!!
Probably means Ill be asleep at seven tonight!!

Oh well, take care everyone, will pop on again later!!!

Lots of love
Yonny x


----------



## Lorri

Yonny - I went through something similar recently. My firm had a restructure and a load of "opportunities" went on offer, including my own role. Well because of my tx I didnt apply for anything, and kind of got moved sideways. It felt like the right thing at the time, especially with my 41st birthday looming (been and gone now). Now that tx is over, I am not sure I have done the right thing, it was the right thing at the time, as stress etc would have been unbearable, but I do feel I have shot myself in the foot by not looking beyond tx - but we shall see.  Your opportunity is a little different, as it is temporary. You need to evaluate everything carefully and be 100% happy and make sure you do what is best for YOU and not anything or anyone else !   Best of luck  

Hello everyone else

Lx


----------



## susieB

hi girls i really need your help,
my own pc is on the blink am using sisters so cant stay on too long. i am going to see my ivf man on thursday next - i have been reading about long protocal and short protocal and you all seem to know so much more than me - can anyone give me any advice on what to ask on thursday?

thanks a bunch girls
love
sooze


----------



## JackieB

Lorri - really sorry to hear your news from yesterday and hoping like mad that your blood test gives you a better result today - you never know, maybe yesterday was just too early.  Fingers crossed for you, hun.

susieB - I'm not really an expert, this is my first IVF!  I think your cons. will assess you and decide what is best for you - long or short protocol depending on your age, reasons for infertility etc.  The cons. I saw at Holly House was excellent and very thorough, went through everything, gave us plenty of time to ask questions (although, tbh, he was so thorough we didn't have too many) and then decided to put me on short protocol (I'm 43, unexplained, no problems whatsoever with DH).  Hopefully, your cons. will guide you.  Have to say, short protocol was excellent though, less than 2 weeks from starting stimms injections to egg transfer.


----------



## susieB

thanks jackieb
this is actually our 2nd attempt at ivf - i dont know what was done the last time. were you allowed make any changes in what your doctor wanted to do and if so on what would you base this? the on ly thing we did decide the last time was we paid for something extra to break the shell of the egg this is recommended for older women.
the main thing i would l ike to know is if i could be any healthier in a few months than i am  now - for instance i am losing weight i lost 1 and a half stone so im now only 3 and a half stone overweight rather than the 5 stone i was last time!!!!!
this is our last chance to have a baby of our own and i want to give it my best shot.
We are thinking of DE but putting it to the back of my mind until IVF is over.
All advice gratefully received
Thanks
Love
Sooze


----------



## Lorri

Hello Goldies

Blood test has confirmed BFN for me today, so its definitely all over. 

Hope you are all OK and that you all get your well-deserved BFP

Lx


----------



## zora

Lorri very sorry to hear your news. Please try to look after yourself. I can't say anything to take away that feeling you must have but I am thinking about you. I think we were both jinxed this tx. It's so hard to digest with the added age factor burden. Take one day at a time and try not to be too down . Easier said than done. We are all here if you need us
Z


----------



## yonny

Oh Lorri, Lorri, Lorri!!!
I am so  very sorry sweetheart.................I dont have anything else to say! 
yonny x


----------



## cesca

Hi Goldie's... Lorri ..so sad to hear your news It just is so  devastating isn't it.Thinking of you both.

Well not good news for me either. I tested again early this morning and got a stronger positive result. So with that good news as I thought I rang my clinic and persuaded them to do a beta hcg test as I am so worried things are not going right. I went in this morning for the blood test and just got in to find a message on the answer phone saying that my beta level was 15. I have still got to go in on Thursday so they can have a comparison, but it hardly seems worth it ..Looking on the internet levels it should be at least 100. Has anyone got any information on these levels as I don't really know what to expect.. Feel absolutely destroyed.


----------



## Lorri

Cesca, try not to despair, its so early days, you could just have a slow starter. I was told today that anything under a 3 is a neg, so you are way above that. One of the ladies on ARGC girls (bunless) had a really low HCG to start, and thought it was all over, but she is still going strong .

Someone on Ask a nurse posted these links, so I went and copied them for you. I hope they help.

http://www.ivfer.com/hcg.htm
http://www.betabase.info
http://www.advancedfertility.com/earlypre.htm

take care

Lx


----------



## sculley

Morning all 

Lorri, really sorry to hear your news.  It must be devastating....i am so sorry for you.  As someone else said, you know where we are if you need us?  I will IM you my email address, if you would like to stay in touch?

Cesca, I dont understand what the blood test results show.  Did the clinic not suggest anything one way or the other?  How can the HPT show a positive  I think you should not get too down right now, wait until thursday for the next test.  I guess they will give you a definitive answer then?  Stay  , i will be thinking of you.

I have nothing really to add, but i am still hanging on in there - Day 10 and not testing till 31st....so a long way for me to go  

Sculley x


----------



## JackieB

Lorri - I am so sorry to hear your news - nothing I can say will make you feel better but I hope you and DH are supporting each other through this difficult time.

Cesca - such confusing news, but I'm feeling very positive for you - a line is a line afterall.  Did your clinic not make any comment on your positive pee stick result.  Stay strong, and hopefully you will be bringing us all good news tomorrow.

I'm testing tomorrow - originally booked blood test at midday, but have now cancelled that and will do a home test in the morning, although pretty sure it's going to be a -ive for me.


----------



## nuala

Hi Goldies,

Lorri - I was soo sorry to read your post - it is just such a downer when we do not get the hoped for results.  Be gentle with one another - your day will come.  

Cesca - Try to keep    as it is still early days for you and as others have said a line is a line and your levels are positive so think GROW!

Sculley - Glad to hear you're hanging on - I'm on Day 7 and see saw between positive and total negativity - one day at a time for us all 

It turned out whatever they did at the IUI that I got a bladder infection and am now on antibiotics (thanks goodness as hte pain has been awful).  Hopefully they will kick in soon and so will start to feel better      

Take care everyone - sending you all


----------



## cesca

hi Goldie's.. Have been finding today sooo difficult, can't seem to pick myself up from this downward spiral of sadness.  Did another test today and i could hardly see the line . I know deep down its all over .life can be so cruel ,giving us that little ray of hope and then taking it away so soon. well we now have to wait until tomorrow for this blood test and then i can drown my sorrows in a huge bottle of vino!!


----------



## Lorri

Oh Cesca, i hope its just diluted urine so hcg not registering as much. Early morning urine is supposed to be the best for HPT. Please try not to despair too much, I  know its easier said than done. Very best of luck for your test tomorrow.

Sculley - Thanks so much for your IM and  kind thoughts. I am still trying to get my head round another failure. I feel so hopeless for the future. I blubbed at work today, which is not good   . Hang on in there for your test on Monday, I hope you get good news. I will IM you later.

Nuala - Poor you, we have to go through enough without suffering extra on top. Take care and try to stay positive.

Jackie - Best of luck for tomorrow. It might still be worthwhile doing a blood test, as HPTs can't always detect early pg. 

Love and best wishes to you all, lets hope our dreams come true some day.

Lx


----------



## cesca

Hi lorri ..Thanks for your kind suppurt and for the links about btea numbers yesterday,it was helpful. I know how you are feeling but you are still young enough for another attempt.Don't despair and don't leave it too long!!!

Nuala.. you so don't need this right now!!! I'm sure the antibiotics will clear it up in no time. 

Jackie ..keeping fingers crossed for you both tommorow.   

Sculley ..Thanks for the support  will tell you what happens tommorow,maybe a miracle will happen overnight.I bet the 31st seems like forever away!!


----------



## sculley

Dear All

It it so uplifting to hear everyone's words even after BFNs.  I hope i am as 'together' as you all if it happens to me.

Have been having serious AF pains during the night - really thought that was it.  The pains were as bad a day 1/2 of my AF normally so am really convinced it is coming.  Have to go to the office today.  Have a meeting with my boss who annoys me at the best of times!  So i think it might be an early Bonfire Night today!!!!

Its about time us Goldies had some good news??

Sculley x


----------



## JackieB

Unfortunately it was a -ive for me.  Even though I was expecting it, I'm totally gutted.  No sure where we go from here.  Feeling really sorry for myself this morning, having lost my beautiful cat Ronnie just 2 weeks ago and now this!

One question - at my last scan before ec, my cons. spotted a small polyp on my womb which he said could affect implantation (although he said it was tiny) - has anyone had these and are they easy to remove?  Would I be able to get it done under my private medical cover or would it be classed as fertility treatment?

Good luck to everyone who has still to test.

I'm sure I will be drinking lots of red wine tonight.


----------



## ck6

Jackie.... very sorry to see your post.. 

I'm wandering if i can join you ladies, as i feel like an oap on the threads i usually post on...... i'm not having ivf, (done that) but poss going back to iui, saw the cons today had my first scan after my miscarriage to make sure everything back to normal ( it might be down there...but not up here   ) dh and i had talked about more treatment, thought i didn't want anymore... but seems dh is keen.... looking forward to getting to know you all ...love caroline ( 43 in feb  ) xx


----------



## Lorri

Jackie - I am so very sorry for your BFN, its bloody hard isn't it, and on top of losing Ronnie too. I was very sad for you when you lost your beloved cat and I was really hoping that you would get BFP and it would make the pain easier. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I do know how you feel on both counts and think you deserve lots of hugs   . Don't be afraid to let it all out.

Sculley - Many women get AF pains, try not to read anything into it.  I have been very aggressive at work during tx too, but don't really care about it, do what you have to do, but try not to get stressed out.

Caroline - Welcome.  Its good to talk with others of a similar age, as the pressures certainly feel greater. I don't know anything about polyps, but if its not IF then should be covered on private health insurance. I had a hysteroscopy recently which would have been (if i had private health insurance) and I believe they may do remove fibroids during that (if any). 

Cesca - how are you ? how was your test ? 

I managed to survive without blubbing today. I am feeling a lot better, but still hitting the wine and crap spicy food. 

Lx


----------



## susieB

hi all
Went to ivf consultant yesterday and he said it probably wouldnt work but he would allow us to go forward for ivf - we are paying so am quite dubious at the same time i do want a last chance - due for ivf in feb 2006 - have to get over pleurisy etc.
Hope you are all well
Love
Sooze


----------



## Lorri

Sooze  - Thats not very encouraging thing to hear. Did he say why ? The success rates for over 40s are very low, but you have to try because it does work for some women, and you never know, you could be one of the lucky ones.

Lx


----------



## susieB

hi lorri

know what you mean about wine and crap spicy food - have been eating non stop since thursday - havent had any wine as i know once i start il get plastered and be nasty to DP which i dont want to do.

consultant said success rates are soo low for over 42's that he advised us to save our money for DE when we insisted he wrote in big letters on our chart and read it out as he was writing - have advised of low possibility of success non collection of eggs non viability of eggs non viablitly of embryo - production of embryo minimal- then he said on the other hand you never know and shook our hands and wished us good luck...........
I am in a suspended state at the moment i dont want to think too deeply about anything - I will think about it tomorrow as scarlett ohara said.
Wishing everyone babydust and good luck
Sooze


----------



## JackieB

Hi susieB

Sorry to hear your consultant has been so insensitive.  Of course they have to let us know all the facts, but I think the way he has put it to you is very insenstive and downright nasty, if you don't mind me saying.  We all know the success rates are low, particularly for us over 40's, but it does work - we have evidence of that on here.  Which clinic are you attending?

As for me, AF still hasn't arrived (tested last Thursday) although have chronic back ache today so pretty sure it's going to come soon.  Little bit of me still hopeful that just maybe I'm going to get some good news, but realistically I don't think it's going to happen.  Have decided to lay off re-testing until Monday morning (have 1 test left) - if I don't come on this weekend then will do it before I go to work on Monday and also call the clinic.

If you decide to go ahead with IVF, then please try to go into it with a positive head on - it can work and you could be one of the lucky ones.

Have a good weekend everyone
Love
Jackie x


----------



## Lorri

Jackie - my AF arrived yesterday (tested Tuesday and stopped gestone same day), so it can take a few days. Its crap as it does make you think the test could be wrong. 

Sooze - sounds like your cons was trying to cover himself. Do what your heart tells you, its your body that has to go through the treatment not his. Success rates are low for over 40s, but you have to be in it to win it ! I still buy a lottery ticket and the chances of winning that are even lower ! I hope you are one of the lucky ones.

Sculley - How are you ?

Nuala - Hope you are not going insane.

Cesca - How did your test go ?  

Lx


----------



## cesca

Hi Goldie's, I have been away for a few days as the pressure was getting on top of me ,so I packed a bag and went to stay with my sister in Brighton. I feel so much more able to cope with what is happening .Its been just awful. I went in for my second hcg beta test and the result came back at 23.4 .As I said on an earlier post my original result was 15 so it should double over 48hrs,which as you can see it hasn't. So I am still sort of pregnant but not.It is a very strange situation.I am having another test on Monday and will wait for that result and go from there.I am of course thinking ectopic pregnancy as low hcg can indicate that.Over the last few days I feel pregnant.sick tired boobs tingly, so it is so hard to keep level headed.

Lorri ..I hope you are keeping your chin up.

Nuala.. How are you feeling now ?

Susie .. don't give up I know my situation isn't ideal  but I did get as far as having a positive test .even though we are not sure how it will end,and I am 44yrs old.Dont give up untill you really have to.


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## susieB

thanks Pals yes i think he was trying to cover himself - the awful thing is i told my cousin in strictest confidence we were going for ivf - we live a 3 hour drive from clilnic - my aunt lives near the clinic - as ive been ill i phoned my aunt andtold her i had to go for a chest xray etc and would she mind if my DP dropped me off at her house and collected me later - my cousins husband an obnoxious git called while i was there and said i was very pale - was it morning sicknesss -also said its sad these old birds trying to have children when its obvious they are over the hill. - ergo my cousin must have told him i was going for ivf - i told my dp who wants to kills cousins hubi - i want to kill cousin - feel like an unatural person - feel i make my dp feel like that as well. am i over reacting?
have never felt so low
slainte
Sinead
Sinead is my real name - i lived in london for years and i loved it - i alway worked and made great friends with lots of english girls - when they couldnt prounounce my name i always said call me susie then sinead oconnor came on the scene ....anyway im back here living in ireland and ireally miss my english friends - gad youre all out there for me.


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## Lorri

Oh Sooze/Sinead how upsetting. Some people just don't have a clue and just can't keep their mouths shut. I don't blame you for wanting to kill your cousin, its only natural, as its a betrayal of trust. You can't really blame her for telling her dh, as its hard to keep things from husband/wife, but he sounds like an a**hole and she probably should have known better. I only told a couple of people when going through tx (no family), just friends I knew I could trust. It just goes to show you can't choose your family. I don't mind people knowing about IVF, as I am not ashamed of it, but I don't want people to know whilst I am doing it, as I don't want all the questions and false sympathy. I hope you manage to resolve things with your cousin. Tell her how betrayed you felt, and that you don't feel you can trust her with your secrets again, and how her dh made you feel. Could you confide in your aunt ?

This IVF is bad enough, without people being horrible about it. Why shouldn't you try to have a child, what difference does it make to him ?  People like that make me so mad. 

We are definitely here for you.  Don't let the b*st*rd get you down ! 

Lx


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## susieB

I KNOW ITS AWFUL BUT I WAS RAPED N I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT IT - IT HAPND WEN A MAN STAYD OVERNITE WIT A FRIEND OF MINE AN SHE NEVER SAID HE WAS STAYING - FEEL RAPED TODAY FEEL YOU RE MY ONLY PALS


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## Lorri

OMG Sooze, no wonder you are feeling so fragile. I can't imagine how you are feeling, and don't know what to say. I guess the last thing you need is for some idiot to make fun of you - no wonder you want to kill your cousin.  Have you spoken to a counsellor about the rape ?


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## Hollysox

Hello to all, I hope you dont mind me joining you guys ?  Before I go any further tho. I just want to say how shocked I was to read the last post by Sooze.  My God, I cant begin to imagine how you must be feeling...Just know that we are all here for you whenever you want to talk.... 

I have been looking at joining this thread for a while now.  My story so far is that I am 43 and have been ttc for quite a while !!!!  I have had 6 DIUI's (I believe the 5th attempt ended in an early mc ).  Then I went onto having IVF in March/April of this year.  You could have knocked me over with a feather when the result was positive.  I was so happy to think that my dream was going to become a reality...but at my 9 week scan there was no heartbeat.  I was devastated !  My world crashing down and all that happiness turned to sadness and tears.  I still weep for my baby and always will I suppose but as we all know on this site, time is not on our side and so I am having another attempt at IVF starting to dr in December.  I am so nervous about starting again, especially if the same happens again, but the need to hold that baby of mine in my arms is as strong as ever !!!  I hope that in time I will get to know you all and that we can support each other through the worst times and be there for the best ones too !!!!  Wishing everyone oodles of       
Take care....
Love Hollysox xxx


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## zora

Hi Holly welcome to goldies. I too will be starting my 2nd IVF in Jan 2006 so we can 'go through it together'  Its' always good to hear from new people
Lorri and Cesca , how are you both getting on ?
JackieB- how are you coping ?
Sooze-I'm also shocked by your last mail. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. We are all here for you. 
Z


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## Rice cake

Sooze-
I have been advised to go for egg donation and am now on a waiting list.

I think its wise to go for the better odds but I still get upset about the thought of not having my own gentic child

The egg donation site here is extremely upbeat and positive.


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## Lorri

Sooze/Sinead - I have been thinking about you and worrying about you all day. I hope you are OK. Please let us know you are OK.

Cesca - Good luck for your test tomorrow    

Sculley - I hope your test brings you that BFP !!   

Hollysox - Hello ! Welcome to Goldies. If you are starting dr in December, are you doing long protocol ? You managed to get BFP last time which is a great sign (I have never even achieved that). I am so terribly sorry that you lost the baby, it must make this next tx seem so daunting. Have you had any immune testing ? 

Zora - January is just around the corner. Hopefully next time will be much better for you.

Lx


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## sculley

Dear all Goldies

Officially a  for me today  

As prepared for it as you can be, have to go to work today which will hopefully keep my mind of it.

Good luck to all other goldies - we need something positive to keep us all going  

Sculley x


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## zora

Sculley , just to say very sorry to hear your news. Please look after yourself and give yourself plenty of recovery time . You're right no matter how much we prepare ourselves it's tough. We're all here for you
Z


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## yonny

Hi guys,
just a quickie to say how terribly sorry I am Sculley 
thinking about you today!!
Yx


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## cesca

Hi Goldie's..well we have finally got off the roller coaster. The results from the hcg came back today at 11 which has dropped from Thursdays result. I have been told to come off all the meds and let the miscarriage begin . Oh what a sad thought as we so nearly had our dream.     
That is it for us ,as we have no more frosties and I am too old and tired to try again. We will have to look to the future and try and get on with our lives .
I wish the rest of you all the luck in the world.


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## Megan10

Cesca,
You don't know me as I am a lurking soon to be goldie.
I just wanted to say how sorry I am to see your news. We went through the same a couple of months ago and I know how desperately painful it is to go from the euphoria of a BFP to the desolation of an early miscarriage.
You are in my thoughts. 
Love MeganXXXX


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## Lorri

Sculley - I have IM'd you. I am heartbroken for you  . I hope you were OK at work today, you really need to take time out to grieve and recover. I agree, it doesn't matter how prepared you are, the news is still hard to bear.

Cesca - There are no words that I can say to express how sad I am for you. To go through that initial euphoria to only have everything dashed in this cruel way. 

Sending you both loads of hugs   


Lx


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## sculley

Thanks for all your messages of support.  Really good luck (cos thats what it seems to be) to the rest of you with your treatment.

There is a positive to my failed treatment (although a small positive one in relation to failed IVF) this means now i can get back to playing badminton.  I ordered my new trainers the day before my official result!  I have a county match on Sunday (veterans!!! due to being over 40!) which i can use to take all my anger and frustration out on.  Can't wait!!  Am off to club night tonight for a little bit of practice as i have not played for a month..........i am so glad i have this as my hobby right now.  And am also glad to be feeling like my body has returned to normal, although am still waiting for AF.  Any ideas how long it should be before it arrives

Will try to pop back to this site from time to time.............best wishes to you all  

Sculley x


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## cesca

Hi Goldie's.. Thanks girls for all your support .I have a hangover this morning and not only feeling delicate but am feeling things working away to bring on the dreaded AF.  I have my dh's  birthday bash on Saturday and we are having 29 people descending on us ..please don't let AF arrive then !!

Sculley Thank God for hobbies ...I have a horse and am looking forward to being able to ride again once I have got back to normal ( normal..That's debatable!!!) 

Lorri.. How are you doing? .Thanks again for the support we need all we can get at times like this!

Megan ..  Thankyou too ......,are you still lurking or joining us!!!! 

Thanks again to everyone


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## Rachel

This way to a new home 

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/topic,40936.new.html#new


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