# Struggling after 6 failed IVFs OE & DE



## MaryG40 (Jan 5, 2018)

Hi 
I'm new to this forum. I was in a support group in London but just couldn't bring myself to go anymore after most of the women who became friends succeeded in getting pregnant, and while I'm so happy for them I just can't stay in contact because of the pain. 

I've had 6 failed IVFs (3OE & 3DE), 3 clinics (Lister, IVF Serum Athens and IVI Madrid). I'm 40, TTC for 5 years and found out on NYE my last DE IVF had failed. I'm struggling so much emotionally. I've never been pregnant, seen no sign. 

Diagnosed in Spain 8 months ago with MTHFR C677T homozygous, Celiac and some KIR receptors missing/issues (I think). everything else fine, including DH's heap of tests - frag, karyotyping, comet test, full genetic screening. I've tried TCM, massage, acupuncture, diet, supplements and no gluten, steroids, baby aspirin, clexane, Methylated Bs and Methylfolate. ERA normal, NK cells normal and no fibroids or endo. Thought I'd tried/tested for it all until seeing Dr Gorgy, who's running tests for LIT, plus womb biopsy and cytokines test.  

The problem is I feel so defeated, isolated, alone. I'm struggling to stay in the fight and keep depression at bay. My marriage is really buckling under all the strain and financial issues - DH has practically given up - and I'm finding work so hard with all the pregnancy announcements. 

My threshold to manage other people's happy news and see their babies is just about worn down. I'm now just hiding from family and friends. I go to counselling but it doesn't help with the pain. I'd love to hear 40yrs+, multiple attempts, success stories, coping strategies. I desperately need some hope and strength. Reading about the experiences of all you courageous ladies keeps me going. Thanks for taking the time to read this!


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Im so sorry 
Whilst I cannot relate to OE and DE failure as im still on OE myself, 
I can relate to relentless trying and trying through multiple cycles and seeing no result whilst everyone around you gets pregnant. Even those with fertility issues mange to overcome them and get their baby . 
Meanwhile your still trying to get 2 blue lines on a stick and wandering if they actually exist.

In 7 years of trying I've had nothing but a chemical . Recently I did ask myself am I actually a women / human being/ mammal! 
pregnancy is effortless to so many women. But the concept of it seems completely alien to my own body. I have no threshold for other peoples happy pregnancy news so I no longer try.

I'm also with Dr Gorgy and I do believe you are in good hands. He has achieved success for lots who have otherwise given up. 
If you haven't tested your cytokines then this is a good move. Tnfa cytokines are particularly aggressive and whilst my NKs are normal my cytokines are high and I do feel that this may be the cause of my implantation failure. 
Whilst steroids/clex/ intralipids are the usual go to for women with immune related implantation failure there are some of us more complex cases who need the more heavy drugs such as humira/LIT/ neupogen. I was keen to benefit from these which was why I went to Dr G.

Also I started to a thread a while back for ladies with recurrent implantation failure as its utterly soul destroying and I felt there was nothing out there for women who go through this.

Here's the link feel free to join us as you are most definitely not alone:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=392217.0

KJ 
xx


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## Baking Queen (Jul 7, 2014)

Hi Mary
As Kjade says, you are definitely not alone. I did 5OE cycles and 4DE cycles before I got my little girl. I had immunes testing and it worked the first time we used the protocol. I can definitely identify with feeling isolated and defeated - the only thing that kept me going was knowing we couldn’t give up until we’d tried everything. 
Just wanted to give you a bit of hope that it can work.
Take care.
BQ. xx


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## Tags77 (Aug 21, 2016)

Mary,
Just wanted to say thinking of you. I’m experiencing much the same. Keep your chin up and take each day as it comes. I’ve started psychotherapy recently and I’ve found it really helpful


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## Mrsfw (Dec 8, 2014)

Hi Mary,

So sorry to hear you are struggling, it is a very painful journey that is just so hard to understand isn't it. Please know that you are so strong for even being brave enough to try to get this far.

It's ok to distance yourself from those who get pregnant , you have to do what right for you and go to events and meet people who support you .

I can't really offer a success story as I'm still trying, I'm nearly 37, in my 6th year of trying and going to start my 9th cycle in June. I feel like I've had all the tests under the sun, like you, but there doesn't appear to be anything wrong. (Albeit using donor eggs!) I'm now at a clinic in California where we will probably try another 2/3 times for me and of not we will go for surrogacy.

I wish you all the best with your journey, but know you are not alone and always here for a chat if needed x


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## sjh548 (Nov 10, 2017)

It's very difficult to find a way through it. We've been ttc for 5 years and have had 5 x failed ivf cycles including, on the last freeze all cycle, a trip all the way to Norway to find our sole embryo had died on thawing. Our final round is at the end of this month as I'm 40 this year and we've reached the end of the road both emotionally and financially despite lots of help from the bank of mum and dad. I find some days harder than others and I know the road to accepting childlessness is a long one; like any grief it's a process of learning to live with it with occasional overwhelming moments of pain. I try to think of the things I can do that I couldn't do if I had children and try to not allow myself to think of the things I'll miss. I also keep busy, very busy, so my mind cant dwell. Ive also try to be amused rather than angry at the utter thoughtlessness of people with numerous children telling me we should adopt etc. I now avoid conversations about ivf as I don't want peoples opinions or stories about their friends experience with some unproven quick treatment. Although if one more person tells me to relax I may actually scream. There is no magic way to cope but there is a way through but you need to find your way.


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## sjh548 (Nov 10, 2017)

*quack treatment


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## sjh548 (Nov 10, 2017)

Just thought of another thing that's helped me: I don't go on social media any more. I realised it made me feel worse about life with a the baby pics etc so i stopped and it's removed another source of stress from my life


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## HopefulKayte (Jun 16, 2017)

I’m so sorry. It’s such a consuming struggle that takes over life. Its just not fair but I know in time you will get there.
Some things that helped me were, talking to a counsellor who always validated me and said things that no one else did - “you are so strong! You are so brave! Other people can really suck sometimes. Let’s draft out a plan for such-and-such event or what you can say when you see _______ again after ______ happened.”
I also realized through very painful trial and error who the support systems were in my life. I made sure if I was in a moment of despair I contacted one of those people and made arrangements to talk in person or on the phone. 
It is hard financially to do the recommended things some suggest doing for yourself as a pick me up or to treat yourself (ie trips, purchases, etc) but there are other options that can keep your mind busy and be lovely self care. A morning reading or on a device at a comfy coffee shop, seeing that movie or series you’ve been looking fwd to, going on coupon or promotion sites to see if there’s a deal for a local experience or restaurant.
I also echo making the jump off social media if it gives you anxiety or makes you feel sad. Closing down a ******** pg with 500 “friends” truly helped me many years ago. Instead I joined Instagram and decided I would only allow people who actually were involved in my life and responsive to me, as I am to them, onto the page and into my life.
It is a super hard journey and don’t forget that most people could not endure what you have or be as determined and resilient as an infertility warrior. You are amazing and even though you aren’t where you want to be yet, deserve to remind yourself of how incredible you are!


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

That's such a lovely post hopefulkayte xx


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

I am sorry to know your story. Just wanted to say I am thinking of you and keep my fingers and toes crossed. xx


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