# Using a donor from a different ethnicity



## Georgiepie (Aug 31, 2005)

Hi,

Since my DH and I can no longer use the donor sperm we had previously used from an anonymous donor, our clinic has worked hard to find another match for us, and they have found of donor that is of a different ethnicity to both my DH and I, and I wondered if anyone has been faced with this situation, and whether it was an acceptable to you both.  

The hair/eye/weight/height/religion appear to match very well with DH, so I was totally at ease with it until I discovered his ethnicity was quite different, including first language.  Given that our children will have the right to contact him one day, I feel a little overwhelmed about it.  

To my mind, we obviously can't go forward with this one given that I have some reservations about it, as that would be irresponsible, but with the shortage of donor sperm now at crisis levels, I am equally as worried that we may not find another.

I'd appreciate someone else's perspective on this, as I'm finding it hard to be rational about it and am worried sick and extremely upset! 

Best wishes
Georgie
PS - conceived twice with original donor, but had two early miscarriages.


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## Bronte (Jun 20, 2005)

Hello hun,

My dp and i have used a donor who is brazilian, because we had only a choice of three and they all were brazilian. Our donor has olive skin which for us isnt an issue as my dp skin tone is similar.

We personally havent got a problem with it and because there is such a shortage of sperm at the mo we went with it or no tx. We arent prepared not to have tx and at the end of the day i dont think there are many donors out there who will be perfect matches. We have used different donors in the past and they still didnt match all of DP characteristics but we still went with them.

I guess it depends how long you want to wait for sperm which might be a better match, some girls have been told 18mths for a donor which is a long time if you know that there is no way that a miracle is going to happen.

Its a very difficult decision but it has to be yours hun, every one is different and what is acceptable for one person isnt always acceptable for another.

Hope you get things sorted, and best of luck,

Love Bronte xx


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## Georgiepie (Aug 31, 2005)

Hi Bronte,

Many thanks for your kind reply.

I've decided that my hormones are largely responsible for my strange inability to cope with this change in donor.  We are also in the process of moving house (3 weeks time), and work is incredibly busy.  I haven't told my boss or colleagues about treatment, so it's really hard to justify time off when we're all swamped. I've also had an ovarian cyst (fortunately it's nearly gone now), so period was later than expected and down-regging period has been longer.  I'm sure this has all had an impact.

DH has been wonderful - giving me lots of TLC and supporting my decision even though he is happy to use this particular donor.

I'm sure in a few weeks I'll be as right as rain, and wonder what all the fuss is about.  I've decided to give this tx a miss, and start again next month (very tough decision for me since m/c in February), which gives me time to move house and get things back into perspective.

Sorry for the long post.

Wishing you the very best of luck!
Georgie.


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