# Did you look at Pictures of your Sperm Donor?



## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

Hi Everyone,

When choosing your sperm donor(s), did opt to look at the pictures?  I can't decide. It has nothing to do with cost, but I wonder if it will detract me from the more important things...er....although not even sure what they are!! 

Apologies if this is in the wrong place, but I didn't want to post on the general sperm donor thread as I think the issue is slightly different for couples (by that I mean I assume they would want to see pics to look for a likeness with the male partner?   )

I know at the end of the day it's a personal choice, but just wondered what logical arguments there might be for or against... 

Thanks  
GIA Tooxx


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## Candee (Feb 1, 2009)

Hi GIA2
I deffo wanted to see a picture of the sperm donor - I picked from child/baby photos. Everyone is different I suppose,  but I wanted more than basic details like hair/eye colour.
Candee
x


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## wizard (Nov 6, 2008)

GIA yes I looked at photos.  I don't know if it made a difference in the end - there was only 3 for me to choose from and I rejected the others on other grounds rather than how they looked.  I think the pictures did help build up a profile of the donor, along with the other info, but it wasn't a deciding factor.  I think the photos were more important in terms of having something to show to any child I might, rather than the pics themselves informing my decision about the donor.  Perhaps if I dig a bit deeper though I was probably drawn to the early 70s aspect of my donor's photo; he was born a year before me and perhaps subconsciously I felt more comfortable with someone similar to my age than some twinkie whom I may have been old enough to be the parent of!  But as I say my choice was limited and I ruled the other 2 out on the grounds that one seemed borderline mad and the other did a job I found difficult to accept.  

I don't know if that really helps.     Good luck with whatever you decide.

Wizard x


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## upsydaisy (May 9, 2009)

Hi  

That's an interesting one.  I never had the option and the thought freaks me out a bit   not sure why  . I suppose it would be nice to have something to show E.  In fact I had no choice of donor whatsoever (well I suppose I could have said no to the one donor I was offered).  I kinda like it that way. I found out a few more details after E was born, definitely not my type, but we were obviously compatible in the most important way  

Upsy
xxx


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## Maya7 (Sep 9, 2008)

Hi GIA

I did look at the donor's child photo - because I wanted as much information to pass onto my child as possible; and it also helped me decide.  Just as with meeting actual people, I can decide if I like someone by looking at them in a photo ... absolutely nothing to do with beauty/handsomeness, just something I cant quite explain... 

Seeing the donor's photo revealed a bit about him to me (whether real or imagined) and it helped me come to terms with the accepting of sperm from someone I didnt even know (if you see what i mean).  The little boy in the photo could have been one of my brothers when they were young or my cousins and so it helped seal the deal for me as being single, my child feeling a connection to my family was very important to me.  Looks can forge that connection very quickly - or rather, a dramatically different look (with no partner for them to look like) can make things difficult for a child who is searching for their place in a wider family ... 

When my son was one day old, my friend and my dad were in the hospital and she said how J had his grandad's nose.  I swear it has made a big difference to my dad... J looks just like me as a child (God love him!) but given that I always looked like my dad, having his grandad's 'good looks' has I think helped the bonding ... so in the end the donor's looks didnt play such an important part.  J only has the donor's eye colouring ... 

I thought that every scrap of information would be gold dust to a child if they wanted to know the other part of their genetic makeup ... but that presupposes the interest is there.  I decided that it was better too much info than too little.

Hope this helps..
Maya


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## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

Thanks everyone.  I am finding this bit quite difficult and I thought it would be the easy bit for some reason!  

Upsy - I was a bit freaked out too, as I kept thinking that I would look into my child's eyes (here's hoping!) and just see the man in the picture!    Thinking about all the comments I've read before and yours, I don't think that is likely.  

Wizard - like you I am a bit uncomfortable about choosing someone who is old enough to be my son - I have one "finalist"    who is 15 years younger than me and I can just about deal with that.  Lots of them had parents who were nearer my age!!  

Maya - looking like my family has crossed my mind, but the only definite factor across the board is fair skin.  We have lots of blondes and brunettes, I have 26 cousins of all different colouring!  

Candee - thanks for sharing your thoughts.  

I opted to look at pictures in the end after reading your comments.  I have found the essays to be the most useful and one guys essay actually made me cry (everything makes me cry lately!) as he had written at the end as if talking to the donor conceived child and it was really lovely.  What he put was the kind of thing I would want to tell a child.

Anyway - thanks so much for reading and your help.  Thank goodness for FF once again  

Big   to you all

GIA Too xx


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## estella (Nov 1, 2009)

The picture that swung it for me was the donor as a child photo and he has the same colouring , eye colour and chubby cheeks as my daughter!!
I thought it would be nice for the new baby to possibly look a bit like her....but of course it doesn't work that way!

Exx


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## Maya7 (Sep 9, 2008)

Kate - In UK you're really only given the basic information or profile ... The HFEA ensures that all donors are open but not much info is given prior to child reaching 18 years.  A number of us who wanted more information such as photos of donor as child, audio clip, and personal written message etc. have tended to import from overseas.  In my case, from ESB in Denmark.

There are arguments for and against.  Some find too much info is overwhelming and distracting when choosing; others scrabble for every scrap of info.  And its a very personal thing which way to go... You should note that certain donors being imported into UK require a pregnancy slot over and above the cost of the sperm and its transport (around £1000) in order to limit the number of families per donor.  This is not the case when importing to other countries.  In my case I imported into Czech Republic so didnt pay the pregnancy slot fee. 

Good luck with moving forward..


Maya


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥ (Apr 10, 2008)

Hi, I'm not single but we have used DS from usa. we opted not to look at the photo as i didn't want to take away the fact that its will be Dhs baby. We went on eye and hair colour, height and in actual fact we liked him cos he seemed fun!  

I suppose its different when you are single but it could restrict your choice if you don't like the look of him. 

I sometimes wonder what he looks like but try not to think too hard about it!!!


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## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

I used Xytex in USA in the end.  Opted to see pics etc and it was in fact the essays that helped me more.  I narrowed my choice down to five "finalists" and then my best friend helped me choose!  It is a very personal thing I think.  

With Xytex you have to use donors who agree to Identity Disclosure AND for their sperm to be exported to Europe.

GIA Tooxx


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## ♥ Mighty Mini ♥ (Apr 10, 2008)

we used xytex   we were going to look at the essay just so we could show the child when its older. Do you you think its wise to look at it after the event!!   

what kind of thing do they say?


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## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

They are obviously told to talk about their childhood,  what they were like as a child, any childhood memories or characteristics.  Also being American I think makes them talk a bit about what they believe in life etc.  Some of them say a few words to any donor conceived child at the end of their essay. Finally they are all asked why they became a donor.  Some write a lot and some write very little  

I found the essays more helpful in choosing so not sure I would want to look at them after the fact  

xx


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