# talking about foster carer



## angel_lass (Sep 10, 2008)

Hi so our DD has been home 10 days now it's been a rollercoaster of emotions we have went from DD sobbing that she wanted to return to FC to not mentioning it for days and now she talks about her like ......FC (insert name) has that washing machine etc. Now she just looks sad when talking about her, she doesn't cry or get upset and I have told her to talk about FC when she wants or needs to. I'm not sure where we are now in the grieving process of its getting better or worse? Any advice please? DD has just turned 3.  Many thanks x


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## mummy2blossom (Feb 21, 2013)

Hi I can't talk from experience so hope someone will come along soon, but didn't want to read & run. If she's talking about FC and not crying I would guess that's a positive move forward & also (another guess) but she may be finding reassurance in the fact there are similarities in her new home to the one she was previously?

Hope you get more helpful answers soon


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Talking about fc can be a number of things.  In my experience with my eldest she'd talk a lot like you say they had x or we went here that I think was because she didn't have many memories or experience to talk about from living with us.  Ultimately her life at fc is her conversion till she has been with you for quite a while.  Now seven months in my daughter rarely mentions fc it's not taboo just that she talks about her life here and things we've done now.  My daughter grieved bm and fc with the stages typically seen with a death I think.  First denial then anger then upset and I feel we're getting towards acceptance but feel fearful typing that may be a jinx. 

The process was mainly internal with behavioural outbursts about / over other things.  My daughter doesn't have the emotional intelligence to understand what is causing her upset. Now I often know and explain what is happening to help her learn to understand her emotions and deal with them.  However that's taken a number of months to know her well enough to do this.  In fact now I can even sometimes predict what will send her down hill.  All you can do is what you are doing make sure she knows you are happy to talk about fc and her past.  Be there and empathise I often just hold my eldest and say I know it's hard for you.  Ultimately if she's not ready to broach it I respect that too as long as it's not weeks and weeks without a mention.  You're doing great unfortunately only time can help but she will get there xx


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