# Trying to feel positive but struggling



## KSG (Oct 25, 2011)

Hello everyone, I feel rather nervous about posting but I'm really struggling with recent news so here goes ......

I'm new, as I'm sure you've guessed.  My GP was superb when I mentioned to him only after about 8 months that my husband and I were trying for a family but nothing happening.  He did a day 21 test which was a bit low so referred us straight to the fertility clinic.  He suggested my Husband did a sperm test before we went to rule that out.

So we went to our first appointment feeling ok, and assuming nothing much would happen, but of chit chat and some questions and maybe book some tests in.  I also assumed from my test that there might be something wrong with me.  What we were hit with is that  my husband has such a low sperm count that we will never get pregnant without assistance.  The hospital and doctors (we saw 3 in total) were superb and I had an ultrasound whilst there and loads more blood tests have been booked but it was such a shock for us.            

That was 2 weeks ago and we went away gutted but I suppose at least we now know.  My husband feels so guilty too which is hard for him to deal with.  As far as we know at the moment I am ok, but I guess I'll be having more tests.  The consultant said our only option will be IVF.  I'm hoping that if I am ok that will be a positive side to all this but there is so much info to take in its all rather daunting.  When I am in a posititive frame of mind I'm looking forward to treatment as the outcome is our desire but again, I'm assuming the timescales involved are rather long.

I'll stop waffling on now, as you can see I've got a lot going on in my head.  I hope I can be of support to others as I go through this journey and I'm looking forward to chatting to ladies in a similar situation as I think unless you're going through this it's very hard to understand.

Katie


----------



## bunny13 (Oct 22, 2011)

Hiya katie, 

Your situation sounds very much like ours. My husband has a low sperm count due to having mumps a few years before I met him. I have had ultrasounds, blood tests, tubes flushed, swabs etc and seem to be ok. Doctors have told us that we will probably need ICSI did they mention it to you? We have been ttc naturally for nearly 2 years and will start IVF in the new year. I feel so many horrible and complex emotions particularly since both my sister-in-laws will be having babies next year. I just cannot believe how my life has turned out, it's so unfair. My younger brother has only been married 5 months and now they are having a baby.  I totally agree that as much as people try to understand they really don't know what it is like. 

I just wish I knew if/when we will have a baby so that I can get on with my life. Sounds like you are much better than me at remembering how hard it is for the guys particularly if the problems lie in their bodies and they have to watch the women go though the treatment. 

I have read one of the zita west books Which covers tryig naturally and with IVF, it was good to try some of the lifestyle changes to improve both our reproductiv health and learn about what IVF involves.

Big hug, Sarah x


----------



## KSG (Oct 25, 2011)

Hi Sarah, thanks for replying.

Yes it does sound like we are in a very similar situation and I think I've had most of the same tests as you apart from checking my tubes, my consultant didn't want to do that (maybe he'll do it later).

They just mentioned assisted ferltility and IVF but from reading up I'm assuming we'll have ICSI due to the situation, they did tell us a lot of information and because we were in shock it was tough to take it all in.  We go back again on the 21st Nov for our test results.

Our thoughts are so similar, and my emotions too are all over the place.  Two of my best friends are pregnant, a girl at work, and quite a number of other people I know by association so at the moment its difficult.  We haven't told anyone apart from my parents so far as we just don't know what to say or who, if anyone, we want to tell.  Have you told your family and friends?

We got married Sept '10 after 10 years together because we wanted to have a family and both just assued it would happen.  The hardest thing for me are the number of people who say 'when are you going to have children' or 'are you going to have a baby', because like them I thought it would be straightforward.  

My husband it quite a sensitive person and he feels like he's let me down and needs reassurance that I don't blame or resent him.  I've actually surprised myself in that I don't feel angry at him, just the situation.  And I'm nervous about the treatment, I'm not very good at just having a blood test!  
Its great that your IVF will be in the new year, not too long to wait.  Are you NHS?  Its difficult for me to focus on anything apart from our new situation and I'm working at about 10% capacity, which is not good.  As you say, I'd just like to know whats going to happen and get on with things ....

Thanks for the book tips, I'll try and get hold of one.  We obviously need to make lifestyle changes to improve our change of effective treatment but at the moment I'm drowing my sorrows in the bottom of a wine bottle! Think I just need to pull myself together and give myself a good talking too!

If you ever need to vent your feelings to me feel free, anytime

Katie x


----------



## bunny13 (Oct 22, 2011)

Hi katie

my husband just popped home for lunch and I told him my period started this morning, he was really disappointed and thought we might have conceived this time as the HSG ( tube flushing) can make you more fertile.  

in answer to your questions we will be having nhs ivf and we have recently told my family everything but not my husband's. I feel like his parents should know as they have helped his sister through ivf and probably know a lot about it. Also DH didn't get much sympathy when he had mumps and I feel like everyone needs to realise the effect this has had on our lives. Now that our parents will be having grandchildren via our siblings I don't feel like I can talk to them about our struggle. Why does other people being pregnant make me feel so much worse, jealousy I guess. My mum told me that she doesn't expect to be able to solve my problems but does expect to be able to support me.
 
I quit my job earlier this year for several reasons:
1. I hated it. 
2. I have RSI
3. We thought less stress might help us conceive. 

Shortly after I became a full time housewife, on our 1 yr wedding anniversary in fact, I received a letter saying that my smear test was abnormal and I shouldn't try and get pregnant. We had to wait/waste 6 months until I had a repeat test which was all clear. Fortunately the second smear was clear so now we are back on the rollercoaster of ttc naturally.  

Being at home full time was great until recently when I've been feeling low. But I have got my cat for cuddles and have started decorating another room!

I know what you mean about people asking the dreaded baby question! It's so rude and personal, why don't they think! My stock answer at the moment is "have kids? And spoil these abs!?" 

WANTING kids almost has nothing to do with it, unfortunately I know plenty of people who don't want them and do have them! I don't miss that aspect of working or sitting with several pregnant women- moaning!

I am teetotal and always have been but today iv considered opening the bottle of champagne we have had on standby!!

No one knows what's round the corner, we are seeing our specialist next Tuesday for our test results. I'm hoping there might be some other treatments available to us before we try the full blown ivf, just to ease us in gently and so we know that we have tried everything.

Sorry what a rant! 

Good to know you are out there. 

Sarah x


----------



## shelleysugar (Jul 25, 2011)

Hi KSG - Katie
I can sympathise completely with the way you're feeling.  We had the devastating news that my DH had zero sperm in his sample over the telephone.  My DH was floored by it and then of course no-one was available to talk to.  I thought the whole thing must have been a mistake but a second SA confirmed that my DH is azoospermic.  The whole process has been very upsetting and we have both been very emotional.  It is hard to stay positive but reading lots of success stories on here really does help, so keep reading.  The diaries of treatments also make a good read if you have time.

I expect they will try extracting sperm from your DH and although you'll be going on a slightly different journey to what you expected in achieving your dream, you will get there.  Take it all one step at a time and don't rush any decisions is the best advice I can give.  We are currently waiting for blood test results for my DH which seems to be taking forever, but on the up side it does give us a chance to get our head around the options that might be available to us and come to terms with quite devastating news.  I'm sending you big hugs and let me know how you get on.   Feel free to PM me if I can be of any help.

Shelley x


----------



## criverisland (Oct 20, 2011)

Hi KSG, 

Im very sorry to hear your bad news. It does blow you away when you hear somthing like that. I know exactly how your feeling as i had similar experience   I have blocked tubes wich i didnt know of untill i had Laproscopy in March and then later found out my partner also has a very low count and motility! i was so devostated i couldnt get over it was happening to us. I think i must have cried for a month solid . I had a really hard time coming to terms with it. I do already have a son from previous relationship who's now 14 so i do count my blessings every day, but im only 32! thats what i kept saying. Were due to have ICSI in November this yr and although its been a long wait ive been looking forward to the whole process. I guess what i want to say to you is dont give up hope the doctors can do wonders these days, and do every single day.  
At this moment in time your still coming to terms with it all but soon it will be your turn  take each day as it comes and enjoy your time with your partner.
Have the hopital discussed the next step of the process with you?

Claire x


----------



## imthebeckster (Sep 28, 2011)

HI girls, Just come across this thread and think we are all sailing the same ship,We had our first consultation a couple of weeks ago,as last year we had 2 SA resulting 1% normal Sperm,my DH has had a SA with the Clinic and we are hoping it has improved.I have been finding it very hard and making matters worse found out my sister is 8 weeks pg on her second.I am very very lucky to have a daughter already who is 3yrs old which i love so very much,but i am feeling so down and everywhere you go some one is pregger,or someone asks you 'So when is your next one?' I feel like i just want to bop them on the nose.I had going to work as there are 8 girls pg which i think is just rubbing salt in the wound.I know how hard it is for all of you and even though i do have a child already its just as hard as it is for your first .Waiting for SA result roll on Monday fingers crossed and  xxx


----------



## mrsmcb (May 12, 2011)

Hi there girls

Sorry to interrupt but I, myself am in the same situation.
Hubby has zero sperm and I was diagnosed with PCOS years ago.
I have had all the blood tests, I had an ultrasound today and need a HSG next month.
Hubby has to have some blood tests next week then its back to see the fertility nurse to discuss options....

Trouble is IVF is not funded in our area so we are at a massive dead end really...

Hope all you girlies get the dream you want, and yes it is hard when others around us fall pregnant.
I am currently looking for a new job as there are 6 (at least) new pregnancies at work and I cannot cope with it !!

Love P xx


----------



## KSG (Oct 25, 2011)

Hello Ladies,

Thank you all for replying. I already feel better over the last couple of days after being part of this group.  From our first consultation at the hopspital, I just assumed we would be referred for IVF and everything would progress from there.  But it looks like it wil be a long wait from other people's experiences and I obv haven't had all the tests required so there may still be more problems.

It really is heartening that other people feel it difficult to cope.  After 3 weeks now since our news I don't seem to be able to pull myself together and I'm finding each day difficult.  But I'm hoping that my Positive mental attitude will be back soon and I can address what's going to happen and get a grip! Still tough seeing comments from by best friends regarding their preganancies and so I'm thinking of telling them  so they don't think I'm being really horrible towards them.

Its going to be a tough journey and I'm going to need you gals!

Hope everyone has a great weekend

Katie x


----------



## imthebeckster (Sep 28, 2011)

It is a feel tough journey but hopefully we will all get   . I have only told a few people as my DH doesn't feel he wants everyone to know. Sometimes I just want to tell the world as it is rubbed in my face. I'm really sad as I cant go on ******** anymore as my news feed is full of peoples pictures of their babies and it's heartbreaking for me. My sister is pregnant and I dont think she realises how hard it is for me when she talks about her pregnancy.


----------



## criverisland (Oct 20, 2011)

I think one of the worst things is when you hear someone say" im pregnant" your heart just sinks.  You want to be happy for them but you jsut feel so useless. Loads of my friends are having babies, and just had babies and its so hard. I have told my friends what im going through as it gives them a better understanding of how im feeling, i can say they have all been so supportive towards me. I have told my manager at work too, they have been great and given me paid time off work for appointments. My boss is a man and he dont ask may questions but he's been really supportive too.
When im feeling really down i just think to myself if i didnt ever have anymore children then i would just have expensive holidays, really nice clothes, and have great body ha. Nothing will ever really compensate for not being able to have more children but if that was the case then thats what i would do to deal with the pain. My partner is a great support he said it dont matter if we cant, but i know he wants it as bad as me  . We have talked about adoption aswell, as we all know there are so many kids out there in need of a good family. weve really got all our hopes set on the ICSI in novemeber   

claire


----------

