# Missed miscarriage at 41 after 4 IVFs.



## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

Hi ladies.  I'm 41 and I've just been through my 4th fresh cycle which has resulted in a missed miscarriage.  I had the same situation 2 years ago after my first cycle.  We are using donor sperm so I'm thinking it's got to be my egg quality as my cycles always end in either a mmc or bfn.  The frustrating thing is that the cycles always go really well and I don't really have any issues apart from my age.  This cycle I responded well, got 14 eggs retrieved, 10 fertilised and 7 were still going at day 3.  At day 5 there were only 2 blastocysts so I had both transferred which resulted in a singleton pregnancy.  My lining has always been very good.

It's hard to accept it's over when the cycles go so smoothly and I have a good response but I can't put myself through this anyone and can't face another bfn or miscarriage.  Am shattered.  It's looking like donor eggs or adoption are the next step if we want to do anything else.  It's hard as we are already using donor sperm so the child would not have any genetic link to either of us.  I'd like to go abroad but I worry about the anonymity and the child not ever being able to find out their genetic origins.  Still, that's a whole other topic!  It's so hard when other friends of mine have easily achieved a pregnancy and live birth at 41 with no issues or mcs.


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## Ljp64 (Nov 23, 2013)

Hi, 
So sorry for your losses. It's so cruel to get a BFP then lose your dream.
I had one cycle with OE at 41 and mc twins. It was devastating. 
We made the decision, quite easily to move to DE and I appreciate it's not so easy for others. We went to Spain and now have a son, born when I was 44. I woujd happily have gone for DE here but the quality and availability in Spain swung it for us. I'm
Open with my son about the circumstances of his conception and I intend to be matter of fact about the fact that donation in Spain is anonymous. He can't find out and that's that. I use DCN for advice. I hope that we present the facts in such a way that he never questions who his mum is. 

I couldn't recommend Spain and DE more highly but you have to be totally comfortable with it,. For me where my son came from is irrelevant to how much I love him. 

Take time to heal and good luck on your journey, xx


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## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

Thanks for your reply LJp64.  It's great to hear things worked out for you in Spain.  Although it's early days as I still haven't had my erpc yet after the miscarriage, I definitely feel drawn to donor egg treatment.  After this last cycle, genetics are becoming less important to me.  I don't think I could face another cycle with my own eggs knowing the odds are so low and there is a high chance of another miscarriage.  Great to hear your thoughts, thanks xxx


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## Tincancat (Mar 19, 2012)

I had my last MC at age 41 and I too felt I couldn't go on with OE knowing the chances of pregnancy were low and miscarriage risk if I did get pregnant in excess of 50%.  I went for double donor treatment in Cyprus and again it was high success rates which drove me to go abroad to Cyprus which has a very multi cultural population and it was easy to find a match.

I too am being matter of a fact about things to my boys.  Its no big deal to me and if they want to find genetic sibling or genetic donor then there are various websites springing up they can join.  We already talk about different families and who constituents a family.  The Todd Parr book they have is their favourite bed time book. 

Go for it Magic pillow life is too short for repeated cycles and despair at repeated losses with OE. 
TCCx


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## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

Thanks Tincancat.  That is really helpful and encouraging.  I never thought I'd go down the donor route but it's amazing what another mc can do to make you change perspective!  I just had a look for the Todd Parr book about family, looks good.  Thanks for sharing your views on it with me. x


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

have you screened your eggs ? PGS NGS or PGD?


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## Claudia H (Oct 2, 2015)

Hi Magicpillow,

I'm so glad you are already thinking about next steps. It must be such a painful time for you. Just to put a different option out there, we did DE in the UK as we felt very strongly about ID release and it was also a very positive experience. We had a fantastic agency who found us a wonderful donor within a week (about whom we were given quite a lot of info) and we started treatment the very next month and as you know I was lucky to get a BFP  - with 6 more frosties. I think a lot of people go abroad as the donors are so much younger there which is absolutely true. But I think there is also a slight false belief that you need your donor to be 20 when in reality thousands and thousands and thousands of women have babies in their early 30s with no problems at all. Our donor was 31 and gave us 26 mature eggs. 

Anyway, its a very sensitive topic and everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if ID release is important to you, please do consider staying in the UK as it can be really successful too 

x


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## deblovescats (Jun 23, 2012)

Claudia - I totally agree. I also had DE in the UK (double donation as I'm a solo mum), had an egg sharer who was 34. I got 12 eggs, 4 developed to become blasts. I also didn't have to wait long - about 6 weeks! So there is also a misconception (pardon the pun!) about the waiting lists in the UK as opposed to abroad. I also wanted the option of donor release and it was also easier for me to arrange travel within the UK.
I had fresh transfer and my son is now 3 1/2. The donor also had a baby. One of the 3 frosties is now my daughter who is 15 months and I am hoping to do another cycle with the other blasts in summer! So I think that it was a very positive outcome and goes to show the donor does not have to be in her twenties!


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## magicpillow (Feb 8, 2015)

Wow thanks so much for the interesting responses as they have definitely got me thinking.  I've never had PGS done on my embryos so I wonder if they've always been abnormal.  

It's interesting to hear about UK donor experiences as if possible I would much prefer for my child to be able to find out about the donor etc when they are 18.  We are already using donor sperm as my husband has azoospermia.  It's true that many people in their early 30s get pregnant easily as I follow quite a few ladies on instagram who are doing IVF in their early 30s and many of them get loads of eggs and embryos.  I've always responded well and got a couple of blasts but I think it must be the quality that lets me down.  I think I was put off UK donors as I though the wait would be about a year and I wasn't sure about egg sharing but I'm interested again now after reading your experiences.  I may send you a pm at some point!  Thanks ladies xxx


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## LM17 (Oct 24, 2017)

Sorry to hijack this post but I just wanted to ask Claudia which agency she used in the uk? 
Many thanks!


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## Kris76 (Oct 18, 2017)

Hi ladies

This is a very encouraging thread.  I've just had my second IVF failure, ended in a missed miscarriage.  MagicPillow I understand where you are coming from as I had a good collection...considering I only have one working ovary and all my eggs fertilised to blastocyst. However, my problem is also age and the quality of my eggs. At this age (almost 42), there are a lot more abnormalities. 

So I am starting to investigate DE and the benefits of doing it in the UK or going abroad.  I too worry about the long waiting periods here but I am encouraged by a couple of you who didn't have to wait too long. I used to be hesitant about using DE and not having a genetic link to me. Now I just want to have a baby and I can't see myself loving it any less than if it were genetically mine. I fell like I am running out of time. 

Best of luck.


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## LM17 (Oct 24, 2017)

Hi Kris

I also suffered a missed miscarriage a year ago at the age of 41. It was my first go at ivf and I only had 3 average looking day 3 embryos and had them all transferred. After the missed miscarriage, I vowed never to do this again as it hit me hard on top of the whole ivf process. However a few months later, I felt differently and knew I wanted a baby but wanted to minimise as much risk as possible. I had my left tube removed (suspected hydrosalpinx) and decided to move to double donation in Spain. I’ve now had 3 FET’s with good quality embryos and none of them have been successful. I’m now preparing for my 4th which will be a natural fet for the first time. If this one doesn’t work, I need to start thinking about next steps. I’m not ready to give up but I am finding it draining travelling to Spain time and time again, so will look into waiting lists in the uk. 
I would consider using an agency if it cuts down the wait but it is another expense and it feels a bit exploitative (but maybe the whole ivf business is - money talks!). 
Lots of stuff going through my brain but really good to hear other people’s experiences! 
x


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