# Re:When to call it a day



## Natalief

Hi Liz,

I am also in the same situation as you. I have a lovely 2 yr old son which we got through 2 cycles of ICSI. We have been trying for a second for over a year. I have had 1 FET and 2 full ICSI cycles. I have been told that my ovarian reserve is very low and my chances of getting pregnant are about 5 %. However I pulled out all the stops on my last cycle (accupuntutre, protien drinks etc) and to everybody's surprise I got two good embies. Sadly this treatment failed. I too do not know what I am going to do. It is very hard trying for a second child and failing, as people do not understand why you are so sad. I feel I am always having to justify why I want another child and why I am so sad and not happy with my "lot". I am happy with my son and very very grateful I've got him, but like other "normal" fertile women I long for another child, yet they are never questioned why they have had 2, 3 or 4 children. With regards to the question as to when to call it a day this is something to need to decide yourself along with your husband, please do not let anyone else push you into a decision. I'm getting "it's just ment to be and I should except it" or "just be grateful you've got your son". I have my fingers, toes and whatever else crossed for you for Monday and wish you the very best of luck. 
Natalie xx


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## allyson

Evening to you all,this is my first time on this website and this thread.Not really sure where to start!I have a 9 year old daughter,after many years of fertility treatment,i fell pregnant with her at the age of 30.I know deep down getting pregnant wont happen for me again,but it doesnt take that feeling away,does it?Yes,i am very lucky,and know one or two friends who did not succeed in falling pregnant.My daugther means the world to us,as your child does,but WE are only human and WE are not selfish in wanting another child..I now approch my 40th birthday soon,and know there are more risks if i was to become pregnant.So,for me,deep down,reaching the late thirties,is the time to call a halt..Could i really go through the trauma of fertility treatment again?The dissapointments each month?No,i dont think i could..Of course i still get broody and not often,a lil tear in my eye when seeing a family member expecting..I am human(well,i think i am!)x


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## Alice M

Hello Liz, Natalie and Allyson...

I'm in a very similar situation - desperately wanting a second child, but a terrible responder on my first try at IVF, and just not knowing what to do now..... 
I've got a gorgeous daughter who's nearly 4 (birthday in 2 weeks!), who was miraculously conceived naturally after trying for a year or so, but we've been trying again for 3 years now and everything that could go wrong did.... and now we're in a situation where I'm waiting to see how my FSH levels are (they've been on the rise a bit - and I had test on Monday but I daren't ring up for the results I'm so scared they've gone up further) and whether they'll give me another go at IVF after my first attempt a couple of months ago when I didn't respond to the drugs AT ALL... 

Don't worry Liz, I'm sure your 3 follies will turn up trumps - and 3 is better than the big fat zero I got..... 

I'm just so lost in this whole thing and I'm not sure whether to push for another go, or to give up, or to go for egg donation, or we're even going to an Adoption Info evening next week. All I know is that I SO want another child - and like Natalie I'm sick of having to justify this need to others (who all think I've gone loopy with this) - especially when most of my friends are onto their third child by now....
I'm even considering going overseas for treatment - as here in NZ there's only 2 stim drugs available and the top dose is 300 units a day. As I was on 225 units and had no reponse, I don't know whether the extra 75 would make any difference at all - IF they let me go again. 

I'm also trying other things - like diet etc - and would be interested to hear about your protein and acupuncture experience Natalie. I've got my first acupuncture appointment today .....

This has turned into a bit of a ramble, but I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel, and it's too hard to know when enough is enough - I just feel I can't give up hope just yet, despite what the doctors say......
Good luck with your follies and everything else,
cheers

Alice
xxxxxxx


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## Nikki

Hi all,

Realize I'm a bit late responding to this one, I don't log in that often. My son has just turned ten, I was forty in March and my DH will be fifty in July. I could give you a list of reasons at least as long as my arm why it doesn't make sense for us to have another baby, ranging from financial ones, health ones (future baby's considering my age) and even practical ones (life is relatively easy with a ten year old) but it all counts for nothing because I can't escape the emotional fact that I desperately long to give my love to another child. My son would make a fantastic brother and I so want him to have that chance. I have now got myself into the situation where I'm scared to go ahead with treatment because I just don't know if we could all face the pain when it doesn't work. My son was so upset when our attempt at IVF failed. I hadn't realized how important it was to him. You sort of forget that your existing child is emotionally bound up in it all too, especially once they're old enough to understand what's going on. Part of me will be relieved when the menopause comes along because the decision making will have been taken away – isn't that awful? I'm so looking forward to getting Fin from school and giving him a big hug.

Take care and good luck,

Nikki


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## kellyjane

Im new here, hope you dont mind me replying, I am sitting here today awaiting the outcome of yet another IUI treatment (period due today/tomorrow) and wondering If I am about to come crashing down emotionally yet again. I am 38, 39 in sept, and concieved my daughter in 2000 after 3 IUI`it took 2/12 yrs from first investigations to her birth, (unexplained infertility) I was and still am eternally grateful to have her, and relate to all the other emotions stated here. but like all of you still desperately want another, I concieved in Jan of this year, on 3rd IUI but miscarried at 10 weeks in march. Im now on my 3rd IUI again, but I am getting to the point where I too am wondering whether to give up. My doctor has been quite blunt and doesnt feel our chances are high due to my age, with IUI, and thinks we would be better with IVF, but we cannot afford IVF financially, and I dont feel I can cope emotionally with it. We also feel that as we concieved through IUI both times and quite quickly after commencing treatment that it worked for us. andwe want to stay with it. But we have agreed to a set number of attempts, because of affordability, and because we feel that eventually we have to bring things to a close and start accepting having only one child, and moving forward with our lives and the life of our little girl, who will be going to school in 1 yr. This means I can go back to work/ college etc. and get our llives back on track. But I just dont know how to start facing that decision, I know we will have to soon, if our treatments fail, but how? we really wanted another so much, for our sakes and our daughter, who incidentally doesnt really seem bothered about having a sibling. CAn someone who has made this decision offer any advice thanks.


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## Nikki

Hi Everyone,

Kellyjane, just wanted to wish you lots of strength and positive thoughts whatever the outcome.

Liz11, I had my IVF attempt at Bourne Hall. I felt really comfortable there and I also felt that the doctors and nurses would be quite frank if they thought it was hopeless and advise that it was time to stop. I really hope you've had good news.

Love NIkki


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