# Insensitive comments from friends!



## honeycomb (Apr 16, 2010)

Didn't realise this section was here, but glad it is as I'm not coping with infertility very well at all! I've been TTC for almost 13 years now and after 4 failed IVF cycles, it's getter harder to show my delight when yet another friend announces her pregnancy! I feel like I have to ask questions about scans, the bump, prams etc when really inside it's hurting so much.

But my rant for today is one of my close mates who is very heavily pregnant. I saw her the other day and she went on and on and on about her bump, baby names, twinges etc. In the end I found myself changing the subject and did mention that I was finding all these pregnancies hard to deal with.  She didn't seem to get the hint though and then said that she might not try for baby no.2 as she's too old now. She's 39! I replied,'well, I might still be doing IVF at 45, it might take that long for us, so age is not an issue for me.'  She then looked at me and said, 'well, if you're happy about being an old mum that's fine but I think 39 is too old.'!!!  I could've cried right then.  Some of us don't have the choice to have a baby before we're 40. Soooo insensitive!!

And another friend said recently: I can't believe I'm pg, it happened in the first month! Thanks for that, I've been trying for TWELVE YEARS!!!

Rant over....


----------



## Tamsutbadger (Nov 1, 2009)

wow thats so strong to take that.  i have had 2 egg donation IVF cycles and just 2 weeks ago discovered that my little sister is 6 weeks pregnant.  she is 7 weeks into a new relationship and tried to tell me it was a burst condom.....
i like you have found peoples comments so insensitive my family are very insensitive if only they knew wouldn't wish infertility on any one its so painful good luck and stay strong X


----------



## tazza_uk (Apr 23, 2012)

hi honeycomb, 

sending you lots of love and hugs.  i know how difficult it is when some people are so insensitive. 

I have had to distance myself from friends and family who pregnant and only want to talk about the obvious bump or scans or other things that break my heart. If i didnt distance myself i would be too tempted to throttle them and remind them that its not always easy.  The other thing that really riles me is the condesending statements of 'relax is will happen' etc etc etc grrrr.

Lots of love and hugs and feel free to rant, it is amazing how much it can help!
xx


----------



## Tamsutbadger (Nov 1, 2009)

its so frightening how insensitive people are you really have to distant yourself or you would go mad X


----------



## buggles (May 24, 2012)

My worst was a friend telling me if I really wanted a child I should spend an afternoon taking hers swimming and then see how I felt after that. 'People just don't understand how tiring it is having children!' 

Yet in the same breath she would die for them and blah blah blah.


----------



## Tamsutbadger (Nov 1, 2009)

Scary ultra insensitive it's so frustrating people that have never had a problem concieving can never imagine the pain and heartache we go through X


----------



## cookies81 (Aug 24, 2009)

Honeycomb   
A work "friend" who is 6 mths pregnant asked me how many kids I had when I said none yet she said but you've been married for 4 yrs you should at least have 1 , tears from my side and awkward silence from those that know of my 4 failed Ivf trials + miscarriage


----------

