# Just starting out - Carol's adoption diary



## Carol 36

We went to the open evening in November 08, and have decided adoption is definately the next step for us.

So after drafting and redrafting the form, we finally sent it off last week.

Don't really expect to get a response until the new year, still no harm in hoping.

Look forward to hearing everyone's news/tips and success stories. Equally happy to chat and listen if you are feeling low. 

Good luck to everyone going down the adoption, hope we all have news of being parents in the future. 

xxx


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## curvycat

Hi

I am not as yet starting out as having a hysterectomy tommorow but will start as soon as I can.

Any advice?

I have heard so many horror storys


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## Carol 36

Hi Kirstyn

Really sorry to hear your news, hope you are doing ok and will spend time looking after yourself both emotionally and physically as I understand from stepsister it takes a lot of getting over.

As for starting the adoption route we are only at the very beginning, as I said we have just completed forms and can just wait and see if and when our journey takes us to being parents.

Take care   
Carol


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## curvycat

feels really strange at the moment! 

almost cant believe it is done I have to keeo reading doctors letter as otherwise I wouldnt believe it.


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## Carol 36

Ahh Hon don't know what to say but to send you a big  

Carol
x


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## Carol 36

Just had an acknowledgement our forms have been received so we are awaiting news on the success of them.

Please Please bring news soon.
x


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## Carol 36

I really want want some positive news to at least say we are on our way with the adoption route, as at the moment I feel in desperate limbo.

I know I will have have loads of waiting and if it happens a long emotional journey ahead, but I just want to start the new year feeling happy!!!

I felt something was missing this christmas and could not wait for it to be over and done with to be honest, as I had stupidly convinced myself that the fertility treatment would work this year and I would at least be pregnant, but as it failed and I am in the v early uncertain will they/won't they proceed with my application stages of adoption, I feel the whole being a Mummy thing slowly slipping away.
To top it all my best friend is pregnant which I am over the moon for her about, but just the news of her pregnancy left me devastated  , let alone when her baby comes along.

Just thought I would pop in and write the sad stuff in my diary just to get it off my chest!!!


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## Cotswold Girl

Carol - just wanted to give you a big   and wish you well on your adoption journey. I hope you hear soon that your application has been a success and 2009 brings you nearer to being a mummy.

CG xxxxx


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## Carol 36

Ahhh thanks very much.

I can fully sympathise with the Endo probs mine is back with a vengence, but at the moment cannot put myself through op no 8 to sort it out.

I too wish you every success when you begin the adoption process.
xx


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## curvycat

Carol the hardest part for me is not knowing if we will be accepted or not and I know I will be in bits through the whole process terrified.

We would of never tried ivf if we knew that adoption would work for us as it has always been our prefered route but the fear we may not be accepted made us try. 

I am also not sure how I would cope if for any reason we were turned down and I think that is natural for us all but I believe God is on our side. 

I dont know you but I can feel you have a good heart and isnt that all thats needed??

Things will work out babe 

xx


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## Carol 36

Kirstyn

Thanks very much for you kind words, and I hear to listen when you start your process as hopefully I will be a bit further along with mine.

You are such a strong person after all you have been through you are still strong enough not to give up and keep you faith going, where as I have had my doubts.

Lets hope 2009 is the year of good news for all us good people just waiting to be parents

xxx


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## curvycat

we all have our doubts babe but I am trying to remain positive and remember that I have very little control over time or God's choices for me. 

One of my ways of dealing with things is to completely immerse myself in the situation and in the past week I have read 4 books, joined every route towards finding out about adoption and checked this site every ten mins!!!

Obsessive or what!!!!

I really believe that 2009 is going to be a year of challenges and finding little angels! 

We will be here for each other 

xx

lots of love


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## Carol 36

Hi Kirstyn

Happy New Year. 

Thanks for your message of support, we can definately show support to one another along the way.

I had a bit of news when I got home from work New Years Eve, we had a letter from local authority saying a social worker would like to come and have a chat on 14 January!!!! So lets hope this is the start of good news!!!
  
Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Take care
Love 
Carol
xx


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## curvycat

wow thats great news!! 

Really excited for you. You are really on the right road now! 

Have been feeling a little low last couple of days, new year blues, had my mates 2 year old overnight who is just too lovely and calls everyone mummy, and man flu got into my house and has turned me! 

You have cheered me right up with your news   

Once we are in the midst of all this I am sure we will all feel far more in control.

xx


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## Carol 36

Ahh thanks Kirstyn, until our news I was defo very low.

Your friend's little boy sounds a real sweetie, bless him. 

Have you started you get info form LA or another agency to begin your journey?

How are you feeling now? Are thing any easier since your op?

Hope you are doing ok, take care.  

Love 
Carolxxx


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## curvycat

feeling fine physically after the op mostly although the coughing has pulled on my tummy a little making it sore! 

Feeling less sorry for myself, I really can be a silly bugger! 

The pain is 1000% better than before the op when I was living on really strong painkillers just to get through the day.

We had a telephone call from the LA a couple of months ago and she told me I really needed to get op done before starting but she still sent me some open evening dates.

Just after the op I had a letter from the LA asking why we hadn't replied to the open evening dates and I replied that we had just had op done and so ready to start asap they sent us new dates straight away and I we are booked for the 15th!! One day after your big event! Will we sleep till then??

I am hoping it is good news they chased us but maybe just grasping at straws! 

Hard not to over analyse everything! 

I think I am in danger of becoming obsessive!!


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## Carol 36

Wow Kirstyn that is fab news, you too are a step nearer to being a Mummy.  

We did not reply to the first info pack they sent us and we got chased, and so far they have progressed us through, in not a bad timeframe, considering we only went at end of Nov for info meeting and it took us a couple weeks fill out the form. Top tip we photocopied ours and filled it it roughly first to make sure we did not muck up the one we finally sent.

I definately think it is very easy to become obsessive bout this, as once again you and I are both on the trying to be parents rollercoaster, and the decision is in someone else's hands. 

I am on a scrubbing my house top to bottom at the weekend in preparation of the visit on Wednesday, I know it says they are not looking for that but I just wana be sure. Plus with a dog, I am already paranoid about hair and mess. My dh already says the house stink of cleaning and bleach alot of the time!!!!

Cor will we have a lot to talk about next week with nerves and news!!!

Take care hon, and lots of    &   for good news soon.

Love 
Carol
xx


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## curvycat

I am not the most house proud of Lady's so will be getting my mum up to clean before out visit!! 

I am sure your dog will behave impeccably! 

Will look forward to your news next week


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## lou73

Hi all, just been reading your bits and bobs. Hope everyone has a successful 2009 and become parents or even a step nearer!

We had our adoption prep course just before Christmas. 2 days long. It was quite intense. Hearing all the stories about they types of children who are waiting for a family made me really sad cos we can't adopt them all!! It made me think how fabulous my childhood was and what a great life we have (even if I get really fed up that we can't have our own babies) 

We are definately carrying on with the process. We are now waiting for our home study to start - and yes I am paranoid about my house being clean and tidy!! Just wondering if I should buy some padding for the edges of our coffee table in the lounge to make it safe!  

At Christmas my DH said just think our child could have been born somewhere out there or is ready to be born. It keeps me going. 

Good luck everyone with the whole process.


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## Carol 36

Ahh Lou

I too wish you every success in 2009, hopefully we will either all have good news or be well on the way to some.

What a lovely thought your DH come out with, brought a teary smile to my face.

xx


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## curvycat

good luck for tommorow babe.

let us know how you get on


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

Just read your diary for the first time.  It is great.

Did you have your meeting today?

I hope that it went well for you.

Wishing you lots of love and luck along the way.

mavis x


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## Carol 36

Hi Kirstyn

Good luck for tonight, hope you both enjoy and get some news/info from it

xx


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## Carol 36

Hi Mavis

Thanks for taking time to message me. The meeting went ok, it was very intense with questions and thing we had to speak about.

Ahh not long now til your home study I will you loads and luck and love with your journey, keep me posted on your progress.  
Carol
xx


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## Carol 36

Well we had our meeting yesterday and after being up at the crack of dawn for any last minute cleaning, I was tired by time she got there, still adrenalin keeps you going!!!

The meeting was intense and hard going at times, but hopefully all what we said was ok, we were just being honest. 

Felt kinda drained emotionally after SW went.

She is coming back on 26th Jan for another session, so fingers crossed til then.

xxx


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## curvycat

sounds good if she has booked a meeting to come back! 



What will she be doing then?

We had our open meeting have mixed feelings. Was really emotional!   kept wanting to cry! 

Really not sure why but was so nervous that she would take an instant dislike to me and my journey would end before it had began! God help me if I am like this already!  

The SW said they have loads of children and told me in particular they are looking for mixed race couples as they have lots of babys. 

She said they would be screening us with a SW visit within 3 weeks after paperwork is completed and then on a course within 4months! She said that we should be starting HS within 6months!

It all seemed to go to be true and very different to everyone else experience so I am very wary! 

Mr Kirstyn wants to go with them so I am booking to get CRB checks and paperwork done for early next week. Got to let the little man make some of the decisions!


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## Carol 36

I can totally relate to wanting to cry during the open evening. I just let it out when I got home!!! 

I too am paranoid that the sw will not like me/us and will turn us down on that basis.

The sw just said they had to gather more info from us so needed to come back again, so hopefully as you say could be good sign.

Wow you LA definately seem to be moving quickly, which is fantastic news for you and your dh, does it make you feel very excited?  

Keep me posted on your news or just for a chat

Love Cxx


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## curvycat

getting more excited now I have calmed down a bit.

Have booked to get CRB's done on Monday so should be assesed within 4 weeks!



I think it is good news they want to come back. If they didnt like you they wouldnt waste the time and money. 

Anyhow, of course they will like you! Who wouldn't  

I am not sure why I was so emotional. My DH is so so so chilled about it all. He was not at all nervous and just takes it all in his stride! 

i know that is the best way but it sort of winds me up  

I need him to understand why I am so stressed. I just want to be perfect although I know that noone ever is. 

Have a good weekend babe 

x


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

Glad it went ok, I would say mine was the same, though I have heard others have been a bit more relaxed.

I too felt emotionally drained.  I think though after, I am always disappointed that it is over till the next meeting, I just want it to keep moving.  If we could, we'd keep going on it everydaqy till we finished but it doesnt work like that and is probably wise as it gives you time and space for adjustment.

Thanks for your kind words, wishign you loads of luck and love too. (& my dear mate Kirtsyn too)

I wonder if we will ever not clean b4 they come?

Carol, what is she coming back on the 26th to do? do you know?

lots of love and not long now till 26th,

mavis x


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## curvycat

I am usually a bit of a house slob! 

Nothing like those on wife swop but I could never be accused of being house proud  

I think this is as good a reason as there every will be for me to spring clean! 

I have dumped so much of mr k's stuff! "He is a bit of a horder!" 

Loads is going up the loads is going up the lock up ext ext 

My mum will be proud!


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## Carol 36

Hi Mavis

Last time SW came was about processes and bit about us, now think want to know more about us really.

I bet you must be so excited about HS about to start, as you know this is the lead up to going before panel. I can't wait til/if we get to that stage. Loads of & .

So just a fews days to wait and clean really ha ha.

Loads of Love & 
Carol xx


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

Yes I sure am!!, Scared, excited, nervous : )

Course you will get to that stage.

You are doing really well.  So 26th and she is back hooray, then hopefulyl you can get onto the next stages.

Keep ur chin up each day that passes is a day nearer to our dreams, without wishing it away of course!

Keep us posted too, love your diary.

mavis x


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## Carol 36

Thanks for you message of support Mavis.

Good luck today hope all goes well    

Let me know how you get on.

Take care love 
Carol
xx


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

This morning went really well, am so pleased.

Thanks for you positive thoughts and wishes.

Just off out to get soaked and blown to bits with the dog!!! yuck - bleurgh.

If there is anything you ever want to ask/talk about - fire away.

lots of love,

mavis x


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## Carol 36

Ahh excellent Mavis, that's great news all went well for you today.

I know what it is like have a dog and have to go out even if the weather is rubbish, although I must confess my dh does more of the dog walking as she is too strong to take out on my own. We've got a German Shepherd, called Lacie who is 5, so at the moment she gets all the attention.

I may asked more questions when I get some news we are definately on our way.

Take care
Love Cxx


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## Carol 36

Just had sw round for 2nd intial visit, 3.5 hrs later I am all rung out!!! 

V emotional roller coaster but hopefully worth it, and I guess it is just the start of pouring your history and feeling out, although v difficult the first time round. 

So just a two week wait til we find out whether we will be eligiable to go further on. I really hope so.


xx


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## curvycat

I am sure you will be fine darlin I am   and sending you loads of  

Try not to pull all your hair out in clumps over the next 2 weeks! 

I am such an impatient person so I have no idea how I am to get through that part!


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## Carol 36

Ahh cheers Kirstyn, I too am very impatient so waiting for two weeks is gona be a mare, although the sw said if a decision is made sooner she would let us know.

xx


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## curvycat

Just to let you know we have our screening meeting booked for next Monday! 

Can not wait! 

Will be so so so nervous! 



let them like us


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## Carol 36

Ahh that fantastic news for you, it is very nerve racking but our sw was really nice, so hopefully you will get a good one too.

Anyway what not to like about you, you have sent some lovely messages and even though you were having a hard time too..

 For Monday

Carol
x


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

Sending you a big hug



It is not easy opening up to strangers, it is emotional and draining at times. I find it hard sometimes and afterwards I always feel a bit down too. But I keep reminding myself of the goal!  usually perks me up a bit.

Sometime you just need to take yourself out of it, like Kirtsyn has gone out for a meal.

Be nice to yourself, I am glad you like your Sw I think it really helps.

Lots of love and luck  to you,  hope you hear back real soon,

mavis x


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## curvycat

Thank you hunny

My DH worrys about me on here all the time but I feel very safe and in good company.

I am sure that if they had any concerns you would of been left in no doubt she definately would not have spent 3;.5 hours with you on a second visit.

time is money and the more money they invest in you the more they want you to go further

 we will be up and down but one day   it will all be more than worth it


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## Carol 36

Hi Mavis & Kirstyn

Ahh Mavis thanks for the big hug it done wonders, as you said it is emotional opening up to a stranger, plus it brings up memories you have chosen to bury/forget. Still fingers crossed it is all worthwhile. Obviously I am hear to listen to you as well   

Kirstyn  we are definately with good company on here it is great to have you all to chat to and at least we are all in the same boat, reaching for the same goal. I just find our messages invaluable support to one another. Roll on Monday for you keep us posted how it goes. Really hope you get a nice one.

Love to all &  &   for our journeys
xx


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## mavis

Carol,

Ur welcome, am enjoying following you diary.

Really hope u hear soon,  

lots and lots of love,

mavis x


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## Carol 36

Hi All

Sorry not been online and keeping up to date with you all but I had an operation on my eye last week, and have been told limited tv, no reading and computer for two weeks!!!

So a week later I cannot resist just a quick online blog.

Kirstyn please let me know how it went for you on Monday, very sorry I have not been on and asked, especially how supportive you have been to me. Hope you they saw just what a lovely person you are and what fab parents you and Dh will make.

My two weeks are up on Monday for regarding a decision, but as yet no post!!! So going to give it til Tue/Wed and chase up to find out my news.

Mavis hope all is going well for you with your homestudy.

Well best get off and rest my eye!!!!

Take care all 

Love and hugs 
Cxxxx


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## Carol 36

Social worker called DH yesterday to say yes we are have been approved to continue our adoption journey-Yipeeeeeee

So forms and confirm letter are in the post, I know we have a long way to go still but I just feel excited as it's our first bit of postive news in becoming parents, and depite having v difficult upbringing it has not affected the decision. That in itself makes me feel better, as I feel bad enough, it is my fault we are unable to have children, but then for my past where I experienced horrible things to be an issue to stop us adopting would have totally devastated me. Still so far it's a yes so I am going to be more    along our journey.

Thanks for reading and sharing my lil bit of good news 
xxx


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## curvycat

So so happy for you darlin

I totally relate to the fear and the guilt and so I feel doubly happy that things have gone so well for you

xx


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

That is great news, well done.

Keep us posted, so exciting, wondr when  your groups will be? did they say?

HS is going well thank you, can be a bit deep at times, but overall not too bad really - well so far - have onyl had two!!!

Take care and well done again,

lots of love,

mavis x


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## Carol 36

Ahh thanks Kirstyn and Mavis for you lovely words-  

Dh took forms to LA yesterday so just have to wait and see from there. Just have to wait and see how long it takes from there. Had to tell a couple of friends we are doing in order to get our referees ok, but apart from that we are keeping it quiet incase we don't succeed.

Just looking at the other messages I see Kirstyn you are preparing to get married, many many congrats, cor you are very strong person to be preparing for a wedding and beginning your adoption journey- good luck with both.

Mavis cannot believe what horrid time you had the health clinic, hope it has not pulled you down too much, just keep thinking you will be sitting in clinic with your child/ren. Glad your homestudy is going well, I imagine it is hard going but I'm guessing you just have to focus on the end result.  

Take care to you both.

Lots of love Carol

Ps thanks for taking time to read my diary it really means alot.
xx


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

Thanks, I was never sure if I should be writing in someone elses diary, I wasnt sure but I am glad that I have now.

Thats great you have done them and DH has dropped them in, at least you know they will have them! pheweee   .  I hope you dont have to wait too long until you hear anything from them.

To be honest still dont think I am over it, I have got my af at the mo which has sent my hormones rocketing so feel totally mad - worse than usual!

Nevermind, having a mis day.  

Fingers crossed u hear back soon.

lots of love,

mavis x


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## curvycat

I think I am mad rather than strong!! 

All getting a little bit much for me actually and I dont think I am totally over the op. I fainted today in a hospital car park before an appointment! 

Felt a right idiot!  

Have all scratched up my knees.


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## Carol 36

Hi Kirstyn & Mavis

We received our medical forms at the weekend, so we are just waiting to get appointment with the doctors, corr what alot of info they need. Still hopefully they take us another step nearer. So am on a serious crash diet, what with the emotional rollercoaster of treament, I have overindulged!!!

Kirstyn
Ahh hope you and your knees are feeling better. Ouch!!! Probably a combination of all the big things you have had and have going on at the moment. They are all very stressful and emotional in different ways. Take care of yourself and   . 

Ahh Mavis  ^hugme, it was a horrid thing to happen to you, and then getting your af, it does make it far worse, you are entitled to feel low. Do something nice for you this week, pamper yourself/haircut, or treat yourself to something nice to make you feel good.

Had bit of mare yesterday Neil's cousins baby's christening!!! There must have been at least 15 children under two plus several pregnant women!! Plus they felt the need to plonk the baby on my lap, which I don't mind too much but I would preferred to decide when or if I held the baby!!! What made me even more upset was the fact more of them did not even pay attention to them letting them run riot, so I just felt a bit surrounded by them!!! Maybe it was just a bit jealously, as I can't have them , it was just a bit too in your face all the kids, all everyone could talk about was there kids or when they were having the next one!!!  That's it moan over!!!

Lots of love and hugs, and thanks to everyone taking time to read this.
Cxx


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## Camly

hiya carol

glad to see your journey is moving forward.  

sorry you had a difficult time at the christening.  hopefully once we have our own kiddies these situations will get easier.  dont be too hard on yourself.

enjoy your weekend. x x x


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

Thank you for your lovely message, hope you are ok and things are going along nicely for you  

and that you are feeling better than when you last posted, I think we all agree wiht you, it is not nice.  Hopefully as Camly says I am quite sure that we will feel so much better when we have our own placed wiht us - got it all crossed for you xx

I think the way you feel is normal too and healthy porbbaly to let the feelings out somewhere.  It can be so overwhelming in so many ways.

take care and big big   to you,

lots of love,

mavis x


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## Carol 36

Hi All


Thanks Camly & Mavis for your lovely messages. Much appreciated.

Another step further along in our journey- we both had our medicals this week. Hopefully all ok there for both of us, although I was a bit shocked at just how much they needed to know and examine!!! Still over and done with now.

Also a couple of friends have contacted us to say they have received reference forms, so looks like things are progressing nicely.

So a big cheesy    to progress.

Thanks again to all who take time to read this .

Lots of love and hugs to everyone going through this rollercoaster journey.
xxx


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## curvycat

Hi babe

Did you have to have an early medical??

I had mine this week also and was worried sick "excuse the pun!!"  

Have they told you when they will let you know if you have "passed"?

I am not sure when to start worrying


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## Carol 36

Hi Kirstyn

Not sure if it was an early one, but it did seem a bit quick as we only gave a forms in and two days later we had our medical forms, have not said about when they tell you if you have passed or not, they just said it will take 2/3 months to do all checks/ref/medical and to get responses before a decision can be made!!

Sorry not much help!!
x


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## curvycat

your agency obviously gets all the back ground checks done on all prospects before spending money on them!!  

mine did an early medical as they were concerned about my health!!

yes I did get depressed last yr but I would be   if I didn't after the year I had!!!! My GP also put on the form about a bad thing that happened to me as a child and so I will have to wait and see what the SW's have to say about that! I am bracing myself a Spanish Inquisition style interrogation. 
The GP was pretty apologetic but I understand why she had to disclose. She also made a comment about my weight as I have packed on the weight in the last yr. Over 4 stone to be exact!! I now have a BMI of about 36 and I carry it centrally so I will have to wait and see what my la thinks about this issue.

I do think I probably have 3months before I find anything out a bit of a pain as I think this will mean we are not on a prep course till September at the earliest but at least I have the wedding to take my mind of things. I think I can deal with the wait as long as we get there eventually. 

Gives us a little time to save up after the cost of the wedding as that is going to wipe out our savings. 

Once again it isn't about the hoops we have to jump through but about the constant fear that I may not be good enough. It is also my fault that we cant have children and the guilt is already huge. I don't know how I would cope if we got turned down because of me. 

Sorry not sure why I went down that road as I am really quite positive today and I try not to let myself think but obviously I needed to spurge!!! 

I am sure this is a real babble but thanks for reading


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## Carol 36

Hi Kirstyn

If it is any comfort reading your last blog was like reading my mirror image.

I too am 4 stone overweight, had time off  in 07 for depression, but had just had my 2nd miscarriage. I too had the bad things as a child. So we will just have to see how one la deals with it compared to another. 

I have joined slimming world to try to get off some weight as that is only thing on the negative side I can do something about so I am hoping that might help!!! Although with this rollercoaster we are going through along with everything else, it does make me comfort eat!! Still can but try, am desperately trying to remain positive and hope I get proof the good things do happen.

So fully appreciate where you are coming from with the guilt, I say it all the time to my DH do you want to find someone who can give you children for definate.

At least you have your wedding to focus on, we got married in 06, and I have to say it was a fab day and whilst I was dreading the whole centre of attention thing I really enjoyed it.

Big hugs hon, and fingers crossed, we go from a horrid start in life to a happy ending
xxxx


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## mavis

Carol,

Great news you have got your medicals done and SW have sent out yoiur refs already too, I love it when things are organised gives you a good feeling.

Keeping it all crossed for you.

Lots of love and luck to you,

mavis x

ps. glad you are up for the meet up too - i am so excited and nervous to meet everyone


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## Carol 36

Just a lil note to say all our friends who are reference have been contacted, which is good but nerve racking!! I know there are not wrong answers just honest ones.

I really want some news about medical and references to at least get a date for our prep course, if we are gona get that far!!!

I am scared to book a holiday just incase we get a chance of a prep course, daft I know but I would much rather move further up the adoption route than a holiday. Plus I thought if we are not successful to go any further I want to book a holiday to sort our heads out!!!

Anyway enough of my ramblings.

Thanks for taking time to read this.

Love and hugs to all, plus   for news
Carolxx


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

BIG ((((((HUGs)))))

Thank you for posting to me on virgins bless you.

I know how you are feeling, you feel in limbo dont you.  Well it must be pretty positive so far if they have contacted refs as I heard they dont if they do not think you will go through.  Exciting, have they had the letters? how many refs went out?

Did they indicate when their preps are?

How long has it been now since medical refs was it around 23/02 looking at your posts? do you think you will chase ata certain point if you dont hear?

I loved it when our refs went out they all told us what they wrote made me feel really loved and big headed terrible! but it soon went down dont worry!  

Take care and keep your chin up, 

Lots fo love,

mavis x


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## Carol 36

Ahh thanks Mavis you always have positive and encouraging points to make,  

I had to go back last nite bout medical, with another sample as I had AF last time, so hopefully all will go off ok now.

We've not been told when any prep courses are, just thought I would give it when I knew all our refs had gone back and maybe give a chaser then, if we have not heard anything. In total they have sent off for 8 ref 4 friends each could not be family. Plus work refs.Most friends have said they will do their best to get em back to them this week.
xx


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

Great, good news your refs have gone off we ahve done 7 plus my 2 extra ones for places that I ahve worked in that need also to give references.

So glad it is moving for you.

Got everything crossed for you.

Lots of love,

mavis x


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## Carol 36

Ahh thanks Mavis once again for your kind words.

Had a bit of set back with Medical it still has not gone off, still have blood in sample, so got to repeat the test this week, doc said if shows again then have to put it on form!!! I know not a major thing, but just don't want anything else negative on the form.

So been drinking water like it is going out of fashion, fingers crossed be ok.

xxx


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

Hope its been done now for you    

mavis x


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## Carol 36

Hi All

Finally found out today my medical report went off last week.

I am a bit concerned as went for smear yest and could not do as nurse said still had blood in water, not that doc told me!! Also doc said if it happened again would go on medical report for adoption.

So now it is being investigated more samples!!! As doc says it does not seem to be a water infection dependent on hospital testing may has to investigate further!! Am v worried that just as we are getting somewhere it has all gone a bit wrong.

Also my friend has had reference over 2 weeks and just admitted been too busy to fill it out, felt really hurt as I have supported her all through her fertility treatment and been there on hand to help with her twins. I just feel v disappointed she could not find a bit of time of the last couple of weeks to help me!! Still she says she will do it today.

Just hope we hear a bit of news soonish before my stressful head explodes!!!

Anyway enough whinging.

Thanks a million to all of you who take time to read this

Love and hugs 
Carol
xx


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

Well at last it has gone off!

Have you spoken to your GP about whether this was on the report and also what could be the reasons for blood in the water, mine kept coming up with protein which they didnt like either!! you could also ask if you think it will affect any of it.

That is so annoying about your friend with your reference, if she does not do it today, ask her if it would help if you come round and help her, I know ours was forms to fill in and they were quite in depth and heavy so it could be confusing or a lot to take in etc, our friends etc read them back to us afterwards.  Keep us posted in the meantime big  

Yes I know what you mean about the stressful head, it is such an up and down process.

Take care, lots of love,

mavis x


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## Carol 36

Spoke to SW and she confirmed all references/medicals were back and that when they get the ok from CRB form then it could be possible to be on prep course in May, but as it is subject to get CRB form back not to get our hopes up.

Of course we excited but trying to contain incase it all goes belly up, so fingers crossed.  

I was annoyed this week as a friend who I had told about adoption felt the need to tell another friend, what part of this is a secret at the moment, did she not understand. I haven't even told all my siblings yet. Simply cos my bro not/never wanted kids and my sister why being kind would continually pester me- have you heard anything/any news questions. She did this during pregnancy/treatment and ended up stressing me out. Despite me asking her not to speak about it on work phone as recorded lines, she would still ask me!!! I do feel bad keeping this from her as we are close, but for my own sanity I am not telling her til a bit more sure we are lucky enough to be approved. Anyway I after going round the houses with this story, I told my friend I did not appreciate her telling our other friend about this, but too late now could not do anything about it, of course she apologised. What was worse about this is the friend has just had a baby and I was dreading going to see her. With the whole baby thing, given she was trying while we was having treament, and now she has baby no 2, and our ending   

Still put on my smiley face and went to see friend and new baby yesterday, told her could only be a short visit, more so for my only preservation. I did even manage hold baby just for a little while, the look on dh face was enough to make me cry, so gave baby back rather quickly!!!

Other news I have lost a stone in weight, as after press I don't want that to be an excuse why we are not suitable to be adoptive parents, still a fair bit to go, but gona keep going and prob by time if/when we get nearer to panel, might be in better shape.

Also looking after niece and nephew and friends children over nite in the next few weekends, which we are looking forward to and so are they. 

Enough of my moans/waffles and news.

Thanks for taking time to read this.

xxx


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

Well that is super news for you and Dh just need the CRBs back.  Hopefully they wont be too long.  

I am so sorry about your friend telling another friend, the main thing is is the other friend trust worthy and would your friend have told anyone else as well? Only you will know this so can judge whether to tell your siblings or not, you could tell them but give them limited info, especially your sister, like we are hoping to start the adoption process and will let you know when we have some more news and update her as and when you like.  I do this with my mum as she doesnt understand, she just thinks we will get a baby like tomorrow!? I just ignore what she says she keeps saying any news and I say no sorry.  Well as you know there genuienly isnt any news!!!

As for the pregnancy bit I am not sure what is worse.  My best friend has had 2 children whilst we have been trying tc and one whilst we are on this adoption journey!, I can totally empathise with you, I went on my own and still do, DH has been once as he is busy.  To be honest it broke my heart inside, of course i was so happy for her and the family she had such a rough ride in different ways herself, you have to try and find a way to get your head around it, but like you I would go away and my head would be done in, I would do a lot of crying and what felt like griveing as well.  She has never struggles to have children and at times finds it hard to say the right things, though she always means well.

I am sending you such a HUGE hug you may not recover till Tuesday! 

Bless you Carol times are hard at the mo (you are right to look after you - preservation thing), it will all be better when you get moving and are underway on some part of it, the waiting about and not knowing is the worst bit.

Great news about your weight - Good on you, you must be veryvery proud of yourself.  I however have been very naughty and prob put all that on, I desp need to loose weight so am starting again on Weds next week and my dvds as well! How did you do it? has it been hard? do you hjave far to go? 

I hope you enjoy looking after your neice and nephew and friends children, will add up really well for your childcare experience especially overnight.

Take care Carol and look after yourself.

Decide how you would like to go forward with your friend and family, and I think as time goes on baby may not be so much of a problem for you, it took me a couple of months to calm down on that one, but then another frined had one and started again on that one!!! argh.

Come on CRB's.

Have a nice weekend.

Lots of love,

mavis x


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## curvycat

I really hope you hear something soon in regard to the prep course. I know how hard it was for me during that wait but at least once it is done we know that we have not got to worry about it biting us on the bum later in the process! 

Well done for your holding it together. A friend of mine recently had a baby and i have been round a few times. For me it is slightly easier than prior to this process as I know that although it may take some time I will also be a mum soon! For us this is our pregnancy, it just takes that bit longer for us thats all! 

I definately relate however to you feeling your DH's experience, I know I find it harder when mine is around! 

WELL DONE FOR THE WEIGHT LOSS!!!! 

I am 5 days in my diet and struggling! I hate restricting myself! What diet are you doing? Any tips??

Maybe we should start a diet thread?? I know at least one of our dear friends is also trying to lose weight.

Dont worry about your sister babe. I am a firm believer that we need to look after ourselves or we will be no good to anyone else. This is about you not her and she will understand.

Sending you all my love 

xxx


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## Carol 36

Hi Ladies

Kirstyn I am really pleased for you it is all coming together after all the anxious feeling and stress you have been through lately with work and organising a wedding you deserve the good news you are getting closer to being a Mummy. Thanks for your kind words of support it means so much to have advice/support from friends who really understand what we are going through and the stresses it brings us along the way

Mavis you have been a tower of support as well, always posting kinds words and support, and the huge hug felt fab, I am sending you a huge one back. It is always reasurring when you let me know you too have been through simliar experiences as me and my ways of dealing with them are normal. Thanks for your tips too on how to deal with them. I can relate to you with your Mum, mine has not even asked since I told her after initial visit how we are doing or if there is any news!!! Dh's Mum has taken more of interest.

I have just got to the stage of finally saying to people who asked when we will be having a child- no we can't have children, just can't deal with the whole be you soon every time we are in company where someone has had a child!! I do have to pick my time to see friends  kids/new babies, when I am due af or on af cannot do it, without floods of tears!!!

I am very paranoid bout weight and don't want it to be an excuse as to why we can't adopt I feel guilty enough not able to give my dh a child. Basically if brutally honest I need to loose another 3 stone, during the course of all the various process going wrong I comfort ate.  When I went for my medical I told doc I would loose weight and had just at the time started slimming world so it gives me a bit more incentive to stick to it. So 1 down 3 to go. At least hopefully should we get to panel, I can say I have made an effort to loose weight and get fitter.

Thanks a million ladies could not get through this without your support.

Loads of love and hugs 
xxx


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## mavis

Carol,

It's great what you are doing with your weight.

I am giving myself a giant boot up the back side this week.

I did start a diet but it went out of the window 2 weeks ago and I think in that time i have oput on all i lost and maybe more, I will weigh in weds!

Good for you 1 stone is a massive achievement - you shoudl be really proud of yourself.  They will love your committment.

Keep going and be good to yourself.

love,

mavis x


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## JoJoSa3

Carol,

Just wanted to say I've been keeping up with your diary, and wanted to send you  .  I really felt for you about the telling people about why you haven't got kids, it's so hard.  I went for the "unfortunately not" option when asked, somehow that stops most people in their tracks and makes them realise how insensitive questions like that can be!

Also, well done on the weight loss.  I lost 2 and half stone last year, using the boots online diet thing, and it was hard but really worth it in the end.  Having a goal, like knowing you will be able to keep up with an active littlie, is quite motivating!

JJ


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## Carol 36

Ahh thanks JJ for your support and encouragement it really means alot and definately helps to keep me focused.   

 

I may use your turn of phrase in future for a response to the insensitive children question, it is very good for cutting people off.

Mavis thanks too you have been v kind and support both in my diary and your pm- thanks a million xxx

Still no news our end  just keeping em crossed.
xx


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## mavis

Bless you Carol,

Thank you for beign there for me too x

That is a good phrase I tend to waffle to explain and by then they ahve alreday smashed me down with some insensitive comment so that would justs top them in their tracks.

Hope you get to hear soon    

mavis x


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## Carol 36

Hi All


Well moany me, has gone for now !!

Had some fantastic news we got a letter about our prep dates today so we are off on our prep course 13th & 28th May, & 3rd & 10th June. So very chuffed, can't wait. Finally feel like we are progressing.

Thanks to all you lovely ladies for kind words and support, and for taking time to read my diary, it means alot.

Big hugs to all

Cxx


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## curvycat

thats fantastic  

really happy for you both you will be able to tell me all about it as I am sure we will hear soon


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## JoJoSa3

Brilliant!   We found our prep course so thought provoking, and we talked and talked and talked at the end of each session!  Just remember to make sure you don't plan to do anything in the evenings (except eat and sleep!) as you'll be completely pooped!  
Looking forward to hearing all about how you get on.

JJ


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## mavis

[fly]*HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY HOORAY*[/fly]

Such great news Carol and DH

Come on Kirstyn's LA as well - COME ON.

Love,

mavis x


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## Carol 36

Hi all 

Well first day of prep course over !!! It was very intense and emotional but very worthwhile, it defo gave us food for thought, as well reassurance we are on the right road for us.

It was good to be with other people going through the same experience as us and sharing out thoughts and feelings.

Looking foward to the next one already.

Glad our journey is moving along.  

xxx


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## curvycat

pleased for you hun

I know how hard you have worked to get there!


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

Is great to hear you are doing well.  Keep going  
love,

mavis x


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## Kitten 80

Hi carol just been reading a little of you post when I saw that you are from Romford well I'm not that far away I grew up in Dagenham now in Brentwood and was looking down the road of adoption Iam currently on iui but it doesn't hurt to look at other options just wondered if you could pm me recommendations of agency's and how to go about it.

Many thanks 
Kitten


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## Carol 36

Well have completed our 2nd day of our prep course, it is very thought provoking but enjoyable as well.

I am stressing bout the what if we don't make the grade at the end of the course. Still fingers crossed we do ok.

It is very good being surrounded by people who are all going through the same journey as you, our group the people are v friendly  and we all seem to get on really well.

Well thats all for our update

Take care all and good luck with your journeys
xx


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## mavis

Hi Carol,

Glad it all seems to be going well.

I had the same concerns as you during our course I think it is normal.

Sounds to me like you are doing really well.

Keep up the good work  

love,

mavis x


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## mavis

Hope ur ok bubby, x


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