# BFN from Sally A - TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY GUTTED



## Sally2 (Nov 24, 2006)

My blood test came back negative today. I am absolutely, thoroughly, totally gutted. I know I will not always feel this way but I still fear it will always BE this way. I have been trying a year (though this is my first IVF) and not sure how much more I can take.

Could do with some moral support - reassurance, identification, reasons to go on  -- anything --

I am so very sad, it's almost like a physical thing.


----------



## goldielocks (Oct 7, 2006)

Hello Sally  

So sorry to hear your disappointing news and I think it's totally understandable to feel as you do. You need some time for to yourself to process it all and grieve. It's so so hard getting a negative result. However much you try to steel yourself for it you can't help having hope especially on the first cycle even when you know the statistics. I found it devastating, but take heart as you do pick yourself up and carry on.. 

On a positive note it sounds like you have a fantastic cycle, wow; you had so many eggs and lots of  blastocysts..wonderful; so you know you respond well which should give you strength for the future. That's a far better response than a lot of younger ladies...I know that a lot of successes are potentially due to factors we don't understand but I personally think a good response is reassuring that everything works well. I didn't have that and in a way it made it harder to put trust in the process again, but you never can tell what will happen. You won't have that worry although I do understand that in some ways it makes it more frustrating when it doesn't work.  

Don't give up, chance has no memory and one disappointment does not mean you will not be successful soon...

Take care of yourself and remember it's normal to feel sad and to grieve for what you had hoped for. Your time will come   

XX


----------



## Sally2 (Nov 24, 2006)

Thank you so much, that is just such a beautiful message and I love that phrase - 'chance has no memory' - how very uplifting. That really makes me feel so much better.

And no, I won't give up heart; I will keep going but as you say, it's just so devastating, such a physical sensation of pain and loss.

To make matters worse, I'm on my own here - fantastic network of friends to support me but no other half to share it with me (plus a thwarted romance recently - nipped in the bud very very early but painful nonetheless) so there's the loneliness too, that even great friends can't appease that.

But again, thanks for your wonderful words and I hope that you have had better luck so far...

XS


----------



## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Sally,

I'm so sorry this cycle hasn't worked out   A BFN is so very hard and it really is difficult to think you'll ever get over it. But you will with time. After investing so much time and emotion in IVF and getting so close to a pregnancy it really is a devastating blow to see you dreams disappear. 

The fact you responded so well in this cycle is a good sign for the future though, so for now just allow yourself to grieve and slowly the pain will ease. Be good to yourself and in time I hope you find the strength to give it another shot. 

Take care, Love CG xxxx


----------



## Sally2 (Nov 24, 2006)

Thank you, CG. Yes, I hope to have another go in November....


----------



## allison kate (Aug 9, 2005)

I'm so sorry to hear your news Sally   It is such a huge setback after all the months of anticipation, waiting and treatment and it is perfectly natural that you are feeling devastated, although that doesn't make it any less painful.

Please take heart that your cycle was good and all the indications are there to say it can and will work.  Most clinics use the first attempt as a sort of practise run so they can get to know your body and how you respond to the drugs etc and then they can 'tweak' the treatment the next time to help you achieve your dreams.

When you have your follow up it might be worth talking to your con about whether they can look more into the after care.  It looks as though you respond extremely well to the drugs but perhaps your body could do with a bit more help during the implatation phase.  My clinic sometimes give out Pregnal injections (3 x 1,500 during the 2ww) to give your body pg signals and also were you taking Progesterone?

Did you have any frosties hunni?  I have only been able to get pg using my frosties, even though I have had top grade fresh embies/blasts to transfer.  The con thinks it's because my body just can't recover from the drugs quickly enough to start doing the pg bit but with a FET your body is in a much more relaxed state to start with.  

Above all, I'm so glad you are determined to keep trying.  It does take a huge amount of courage and determination but I know we will all get there in the end!

Take time to grieve and also time some time for yourself, treat yourself and your body...you have been through so much lately and you need some TLC.

Wishing you the very best of luck in November.

Much love
Allison xxx


----------



## Georgiepie (Aug 31, 2005)

Sally,

Know exactly how you feel..... but you will feel better soon (I had BFN on Monday and Wednesday... but starting to feel a bit better already).

I think statistically we are less likely to conceive on the first two goes... I believe a BFP on the 3rd or 4th is more common.  Hang in there!!!!

Love - and take care of yourself
Georgie.xx


----------



## Georgiepie (Aug 31, 2005)

Oh, forgot to say....

I waited until my 2nd IVF BFN before asking for more tests to be done, and then they clinic discovered that I had a clotting issue (MTHFR and low protein S).  I wish I had asked for the tests to be done earlier.  You may want to make good use of the time between now and next tx to make sure you have everything else investigated?

For me, actively doing something that I believe will help improve my chances for next tx keeps me going at a time like this.

Thinking of you.
Georgie.xx


----------



## Sally2 (Nov 24, 2006)

Thanks again for all your valuable support and advice.

In answer to your questions and comments: Allison - I had no frosties, no; six of my eggs did go to blastocyst, but though the three they transferred were excellent, the others didn't make it to freezing. I will look into pregnal injections; not sure they do that here. 

And Georgie, I'm interested in what you've said about the clotting issue...what were the tests you did for that? And did you do the HiCosy (or whatever it's called) and is that not very painful?

Again, thanks. I've been on another fertility website and it's not half as informative as this one!


----------



## allison kate (Aug 9, 2005)

Sally (Georgie).....I also have the MTHFR gene (both genes hystero) and take 5mg folic acid and B vits to counter the problem but before now I have never taken heparin shots and baby aspirin and there has been a lot of reasearch into the fact that folic acid is not enough to support the MTHFR gene defect.  DaisyG knows a huge amount about this!!

When I do my FET in December I will be taking Heparin and baby aspirin from CD1 and WHEN I get pg I will be continuing this throughout the pg.  (I am sure this is why I have m/c in the past and all other tests, including the biopsy on the embryo came back normal).

Sally....on my third attempt I took my embies to blast and had 3 grade 1's put back (the other's they couldn't freze but it is really difficult to freeze blasts apparently).  I was so upset about this as I lost 10 embies in the process that the next time I asked to transfer on Day 3 (BFN again) and had 5 frosties, from which I got pg the last time. In the past I have got pg on Day 2 and Day 3 FET's. This time they froze all my embies at my request as I didn't want them wasting the best ones on a fresh attempt...time will tell whether this stratedy will be the one that works!!

Hope this info helps
Allison xx


----------



## Georgiepie (Aug 31, 2005)

Hi Sally,

There is another thread under Starting Out and Diagnosis, called Investigations and Immunology (http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=52.0).

There's some advice on which tests to ask for. I can't remember the names of all my tests, but they were the very routine panel of immune tests. Take a look.

It's interesting, while my cons is willing to give the immune treatments the benefit of the doubt, he (and the other cons and my clinic) don't actually believe in it!! Perhaps that is in relation to getting PG, rather than staying PG. I have conceived before (at 3 without any fancy meds (just Pregnacare), but I later M/C.

It would be great to get to the bottom of this!
Love and take care of yourself.
Georgie.xx


----------



## Sally2 (Nov 24, 2006)

Thank you so much Georgie and Allison...

Yes, I may have some clotting tests done. Create Health doesn't do them but Trevor Wing, a gynacologist and herbalist I have been seeing, does do them for about £140. 

And it was disappointing not to have any frosties, so perhaps next time I won't wait to blastocyst, at which stage it's harder to get frosties...it's a dilemma though isn't it? What do you think about this?


----------



## allison kate (Aug 9, 2005)

Hi there

I certainly wouldn't go for blasts again, although I know a lot of girls who dream of having blasts.  I found it too upsetting to lose so many.  When I went for transfer I had ten blasts, all of which were fine for fresh transfer but that they couldn't freeze, so I lost all but the ones I had put back.  As I have managed to get pg on a Day2 and Day3 transfer, then I would rather have the choice of embryos.  I'm sure, for me, it's a question of getting my body environment right!

Hope you manage to get your tests sorted out

Allison xx


----------



## Sally2 (Nov 24, 2006)

That's really interesting. So I'd be interested too to have a consensus on this -- would most of you recommend that I don't go to blastocyst next time (if, indeed, I have the luxury again of making that choice?) I've been corresponding with an American doctor (he did my IUI with injectibles in January) who said that if I do an IVF in the states, he'll put back eight day two or three embryos. Do you think that's better than two or three blasts?


----------



## honneybee (Feb 21, 2007)

Hi Sally, I had the choice to go for blast but as my eggs were good grades I said I didn't want to. I went for a thress day transfer instead. and seeing them on screen, I felt v possitive it would work.

I say go with your instinct.
mitch
xx


----------



## Denlake (Aug 5, 2007)

Sally,

I'm so sorry to hear your news, sending a big   and wishing you strength to get through this difficult time. You had an amazing cycle for your age, to go to blasts and get so many was a real achievement and bodes really well for which ever route you decide to take in future. I can't offer much on the blasts front as I was a poor responder myself so never got to that stage but one thing that really helped me was that I was able to freeze two 2 day embryos and have 2 put back. That and the acupuncture ( I believe) reduced my stress levels significantly. I don't mean to sound callous when I say having 2 frozen embryos felt like an insurance policy, more like a reassurance policy, if that makes any sense. Even though I am coming up to 12 weeks pregnant now I still feel reassured about them being there. As you had such a good response and there is no reason why you wouldn't again if you decided to try, could you ask for a few early embryos to be frozen even if they want to take some to blast? I know of a lot of stories about women our age who respond better to frozen embryo transfers because your body isn't having to concentrate on healing itself after egg collection and isn't still reeling from all the drugs. It is a fact that all this is harder on our slightly ! older bodies so the more "natural " the process, the better.

Please give yourself some space and be kind to yourself, your body has been through a lot and your heart and mind a lot more, you will make the right decisions for you when the time is right. Good luck with whatever course you take.

Dee x


----------



## Sally2 (Nov 24, 2006)

Sorry not to respond to you earlier....I've been offline for a few days but I can't tell you how much it means to me, coming back to all this wonderful insight and support. I am so sorry for your own disappointment Bright Eyes, and how devastating that experience must have been for both  you and your partner when he couldn't deliver...though I totally understand how that could happen, given how stressful it all is!

And Denlake, congratulations to you darling, what a great result. I like your suggestion about freezing a few anyway, regardless of going to blast...

I think I will discuss the embryo/blastocyst issue in more detail with both the clinic and the fertility specialist I've been seeing...I've also been in touch with an American doctor at Sher institute so I'll ask what he thinks too. 

To make matters worse I've just had a fling which ended horribly wrong (I'm single by the way, don't know if I mentioned that) and I've just been stuffing myself with wine and biscuits and burgers and cookie dough ice cream so have probably put on half a stone in weekend - probably an attempt to fake pregnancy to the naked eye. 

I feel I haven't replied sufficiently to all of your wonderful messages but keep on writing as I'm sure I'll be more on the ball now...also very curious to know what's happening for all of you!

XS


----------



## Cotswold Girl (Nov 16, 2006)

Sally - I think you more than deserve a few days of comfort eating - just worry when it turns into years like mine  You're so brave going through this alone - it can't be easy. Sorry to hear you've recently come out of a relationship that ended badly.  that your luck will change for the better very soon.

Keep the faith, you'll get there in the end and we'll all be here to celebrate with you   

Bright Eyes - I'm so sorry for your awful news too you and your DH must be devastated. I hope your meeting with your consultant went ok. 

Sending you both big cyber hugs    and very best wishes for a successful outcome to your next treatments. 

Love, CG xxxxx


----------



## Sally2 (Nov 24, 2006)

Thank you CG!

Back to the gym and no carbs now, trying to get the morale up. Thanks for all your kind words; still grappling here with this whole blast issue!


----------



## 11th hour (Feb 4, 2006)

cor cool , you had a fling! im on 2ww, single and feeling quite horny too. no shag since march,  - gagging. 

if mine doesnt work i wanna go and and shag the nearest half decent stranger and hey maybe it will happen naturally after all the drugs ive whacked in me. ( its the delusions that keep me going)

id be interested to gear the outcome of your questions. I felt I wasnt given any choices over how many to put back in. out of my 3, id have liked to leave one out as an inurance policy but they insisted to whack all three back in. reading that other people were given an option pisses me off a bit.


----------

