# Introductions/placement close to Christmas



## Blueboo (Feb 11, 2012)

Hi, looking for anyone's experience of placement in early December, if anyone can advise? Pending BM court hearing, matching panel has been pencilled in for 3rd November which I am assuming would mean introductions in last 2 weeks of Novand therefore placement in first week of December. I'm very worried that SW's will then say that it's too close to Christmas to place the children and that everything will then be pushed into January. 
Has anyone gone through intros and placement at the same sort of time? I realise that we must consider the impact on the children (boys aged 1 and 2) above anything else, but we have been linked since early May and the thought of waiting until next year is unbearable. 

Thanks in advance


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## Loopylou29 (Mar 4, 2013)

Our ds1 was just over 2 at placement. We were linked late August but didn't get to mp until early December for various reasons. Naturally we were upset that LO would not be with us until the New Year. However hindsight is a wonderful thing and in all honesty the sws were correct in waiting until after Xmas. We wouldn't have known him and he wouldn't have known us. Add to that the huge upheaval of moving homes and the general chaos that Xmas brings and it would have been no good for any of us.
Yes we had to wait 12 months for our first xmas but it was worth it. We knew lo so much better and it truely felt like a family xmas instead of a strangers working each other out.

Our LA don't do intros in December as a general rule due to the potential impact on the children and because of the general changes in routines at this time of year.


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## Millie Moo (May 20, 2012)

We had our matching panel on the 16th December but didn't start introductions until the 17th January.  It was a hard wait of course but I am so glad we didn't have them here at Xmas.    The change to your routine, the stress, getting to know the kids, especially in the first few weeks is not good and would not make for a merry Xmas.  We are really looking forward to our first one together this year and it will be especially good as they are settled now and we will all be able to enjoy it properly.  I think the fantasy is that kids will arrive before Xmas and it will be the most wonderful feeling ever.  However, the reality is very, very different.  Hard as it may be, I would request that they come in the new year.


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

With both of ours we had MP in December and intros started after Christmas, but ours were both older at placement, I wouldn't want ours to have had the memory of moving just before Christmas as it's a stressful time as it is without that added into the mix. A lot of adopted children find Christmas extremely hard to cope with as it is, I know we were disappointed MP wasn't until December with our 1st one but fully understood and wanted to wait until after Christmas and New Year to meet him.


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

I know it feels like yet another delay but honestly -introductions are hell. 
Don't get me wrong, thrilling and wonderful too but flipping hard work, emotionally, mentally and physically draining. Then the first few weeks on your own are hard - I mean HARD! Love doesn't always come straight away and you really know almost nothing about your new children -you don't know how to sooth them, what makes them tick, what will send them in a spin and whatever the Foster Carer tells you, whilst invaluable, may not work for you as there really is no knowing how your LOs will react to the stress of change and how your personalities will blend together. 
Our LO was 10mths and screamed for upto 2hrs at a time often 2-3 times a night -the first few months is quite frankly a sleep deprived fog with just a few moments of wonderfulness which make it worthwhile. You are in essence a new mum, just like if you had a baby -the first 6mths is time to get used to the whole thing and their personalities, you just don't get the respite of them sleeping 16hrs a day like a newborn would!
It is amazing but the process of learning to be a parent when they're already part grown is exhausting and a lot of the time it is REALLY not fun. 
Please don't get me wrong, it is WORTH EVERY MOMENT!  Just don't shortchange yourselves by trying to rush too early. If your LA decide to go ahead with November intros then just remember not to put too much pressure on Christmas being wonderful and as tempting as it may be, don't go overboard on the gifts and tell that to your families too.
Oh and either freeze loads of meals in advance or get friends/family to do meals for you -you will appreciate it! And plan a trip out of the house every day to the local park/ walk/ woods/ newsagent or you'll go stir crazy! Oh and don't worry about mess!!

sorry -random add-ons finished!


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

I've only ever heard of one set of intros before just before Xmas, in fact a friend of mine who posts on here. I have a feeling it had to be as the FC was getting another child in the new year or similar. So SS will do it if it suits them.  Having said that though, it was just the one child and he was very young. I don't think it has much impact on their LO but your circs are a lot different of course.



Millie Moo said:


> I think the fantasy is that kids will arrive before Xmas and it will be the most wonderful feeling ever. However, the reality is very, very different. Hard as it may be, I would request that they come in the new year.


I totally agree with this. Our boy had been home four months and last Xmas day was such a let down! He was 17 months and had no idea what was going on, and was totally overwhelmed by my mother rocking up with a sack of presents and generally being very silly. Not the fantasy first Xmas I'd hoped for at all.

I totally understand being upset for the actual delay though, we had loads


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## Blueboo (Feb 11, 2012)

Thanks so much everyone. We know those first few months are going to be hard as hell and if we did get them early December we would pretty much ignore christmas as far as possible. Our families are not local so there would be no 'pop-ins' and we would probably not even do presents. We can do without Christmas for one year. It's not really a case of wanting them in time for Christmas, it's more wishing that Christmas wasn't in the way.


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## katie c (Jun 15, 2009)

Blueboo said:


> It's not really a case of wanting them in time for Christmas, it's more wishing that Christmas wasn't in the way.


can so relate to that! we had a month's delay between panel and intros because it was august, so first his, then our SWs went on holiday with their kids


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## Belliboo (Dec 23, 2007)

Hi we had matching panel end of nov & intros started beginning of December with placement mid dec, we kept christmas low key although we did go to see relatives our LO was 8 months on placement & we felt it went well although I understand sw reservations as people won't be around over Christmas period if you needed it , we were warmed intros may not be before christmas so were delighted when they said we could go ahead as they felt it was important little one spent his first christmas with us xxx


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## beachgirl (Jun 7, 2007)

Our LO came home less than two weeks before Christmas at just under 9 months, yes it was lovely having the 1st Christmas together as a family but tiring especially after very going through MP and intros x


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## Arnie (Aug 27, 2009)

Our DD came home a week before Christmas at 9 months old. Everyone agreed it would be good when she's older to have 1st Christmas/birthday photos,etc with us. The most difficult thing was keeping people away ... everyone was off work and so pleased for us we had neighbours turning up on the doorstep! It became a huge stress for me, especially as DH didn't see the problem with introducing other people to her so early. I had to be very blunt with some people (and DH), no you can't hold her and no my mum cannot help bath her!!!
9 months on and I'm pleased she was with us for her first Christmas but in no way was it a lovely family Christmas and very much hoping this year will be a more fun experience.
Good luck, the wait is a killer! Xx


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

We're hopefully looking at pre Xmas & our LO will be under 6 months...fingers are firmly crossed for pre Xmas intros & placement! X


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

It does happen sometimes.  Our 2yo (now nearly 4!) came home on 3rd December.

I really like your attitude, Belliboo, that it's not about having them for Christmas, but about not having it delayed.  I'd say that to your SWer as soon as possible, if I were you.  

We had a low key Christmas, just did some things like chose the tree together and played in the snow.  We don't do much visiting at Christmas, and family understood we needed to be together, so we didn't have the 'popping in' trouble.  It was pretty chilled, but very tiring - our poor Bug fell asleep in one of his presents (a toy crate, with another present a George Pig cushion) for most of the day!  We have some great pictures of that.  And of his superb bed-hair when he woke up!    

I think it was harder on him that us, as all his Big Things in his life - attempted rehab with birth mum, birthday etc - all happened during that Nov/Dec/Jan period, and we had a rough time the next autumn when he thought that time of year meant he had to move again.    He seems to be over that this year, though.    I will always worry a bit that in his emotional memory, Christmas will be associated with change and anxiety.

If you're not going to be plagued by visitors and aren't hung up on First Christmas, then there are simple pros and cons about the situation, I think.  I will say that DH and I agreed that our second Christmas felt more like our first, iyswim.

Personally, in your situation, I'd push for it, gently, but inexorably.  It sounds like you've got your good head on.    And however hard that first Christmas was, it was light years and away better than the one where I was having bloods done very 48 hours to track a doomed chemical pregnancy.  :-/


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

We've been told panel in December for intros jan. Very disappointing really as LO only 5months & we've birth sibling so only recently had intros for him x


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

I can understand your disappointment Poppy but at least you've some dates in mind and can think about what you can do with your current LO for Christmas and how you can prepare for your new arrival. As they're siblings anyhow -Hopefully you can still give a present and card and get your current LO involved to make something for her sibling so you'll still have those as memory things.


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

I was thinking that arrows, about still getting them a gift...we see sibling once a month anyway so can arrange to visit after panel an give gifts then  

X


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## angel_lass (Sep 10, 2008)

Hi we have been told all going well that our new daughter will be with us mid to late November which means not only will she be with us for Xmas she will also be with us for her third birthday. It's all to much at the one time so we are planning on just having a low key christmas with just the three of us and a few gifts nothing over the top. The timing isn't great but we feel it's important to just get on with things we can slowly introduce her to family and friends as the days and weeks come.


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