# BFN today. 2 x Ectopic Pregs & no tubes. Need to talk.



## jkd (Feb 23, 2006)

Hello everyone.

Just found this part of the site and really pleased I have.  Have been monitoring the Ladies in waiting and although I was one of them felt guilty that I already had a child.  I never thought it would all turn out this!  Have just tested (day 11) and BFN and feel very alone. 

I married at 30 and we more or less started trying for a family immediately.  My first was a miscarriage but I fell quickly again and before we knew it we had a beautiful son, Harry.  I had a good pregnancy and a normal delivery.  Delighted, we thought we'd leave it a couple of years and try again.  This is when our problems started.  Fell again quite quickly. 6 weeks down the line started bleeding and through my persistence to have it checked out they found it was Ectopic.  I had an emergency op to have it removed. I was cut open so the recovery was quite long (hard with a lively 2yr old!).  They told me that they had removed the tube but I still had my left one. 

So when I fit and well we tried again and again I fell quickly. Had a six week scan automatically because of last one and to my disbelief it was another Ectopic.  I was mortified and just didn't want to go through the whole operation and recovery again.  It was awful. Anyway took me in. Had op and they saved tube to then tell me that I should not try to get pregnant again naturally.  If you've fallen asleep I apologise!!! After op I didn't stop bleeding and had another op 3 mths later to removed tube as they had left a bit in there. Nice! So no tubes but lots of hope for IVF.  Had been told a good candidate for IVF but 6 failed attempts later I'm emotionally drained but can't seem to let go.  Harry is now 4 and at school.  I love him so much and is my world but I desperately want another.  I feel guilty that I feel like this and wish I could just give up. I am always counting my blessings, and I know I am so lucky. When Harry started school I decided to go and get a job which has helped although being in a childrens dance school!  Even my DH is loosing hope now and is worried for my health and the impact is is having on me.  At the moment I spend any time alone crying.  I have kept the last couple of go's a secret as I know everyone feels for me but what can they do.  You know whats it's like, we all put on a happy exterior.  Everyone thinks I cope so well, but not really.

I am now 38, 39 in June and know that I can't go on forever.  I think the next will possibly be the last and I am so scared it won't work.  I had all my hopes pinned on this one feeling it was a numbers game but there comes a point where emotionally and financially we have to stop.  Any advise of thoughts would be so welcome.  I'm am treated at the Lister in London.


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## dissyissy (May 19, 2005)

Hi jkd

Hi.  I don't have secondary IF but your post caught my eye.
What a sad story.
Sorry you had 2 ectopic pregnancies.
That must have been so awful.  You have been through so much with the 3 ops and 6 IVFs. 

You are lucky to have your son, but I can totally appreciate your need for a second child.  
I can also say that when I have been on Ladies in Waiting or the Cycle Buddy threads, I certainly would not have minded someone with a child already posting there.  A child is a gift, no need to feel guilty.

I too am at the Lister and have had 3 fresh and 2 frozen and I am fast beginning to lose sight of ever achieving my dream.
Still, hope the next one is the last for both of us!

Love
Dissy x


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## mancgal_644 (Oct 18, 2004)

Hi there 
my story is similar to your i had a miscarriage then went on to have a son who is now  7 nearly 8  after that 2 eptopics no tubes i have only had 1 cycle and due to start 2nd next month  i think its hard as i was told the same i am a good candiate  so i thought there will be no problem  mmmm one of my good friends on her became pregnant late last year and she is in her 40's now  so i guess there is every chance of the next time it could be you  my wording is terrible sorry  just really want to say  im here if you need a chat anytime  either on this thread or PM me 

Kerry x


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## jkd (Feb 23, 2006)

Hi Kerry,

I don't think I heard of anyone else who has had a similar experience, and I'm sorry that you had to go through it too but pleased you've introduced yourself.  When are you up for your next go?  I see from your profile (sorry really crap, not even sure where to do mine!!) that you're in Manchester.  I'm in Southend on Sea.  I think I may give myself a couple of months off before the next one.  I did them back to back the last two so it has been quite exhausting.  My impatience gets the better of me.  I'm hoping to get lots of tips from this web site.  Knew nothing about Pineapple juice and Brazil nuts being good for implantation??  Thats what seems to be the problem, they just don't want to stick!  I wish it were that simple.  Hope we can stay in touch.  Good luck 
Jules


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## mancgal_644 (Oct 18, 2004)

Hi There Jules 
Its not a problem Hun infact your the first one i have come across with  the same story as mine in the same order as well  my last cycle was in July last year during it though my step dad was  diagnosed as terminally ill which i  think did play apart in my cycle failing  maybe it didn't but like to think it did makes me cope easier  my next one will start march 2006  on the 24th AF permitting that is.  I am in manchester yes Hun  i tried pinapple juice  last cycle it didn't work in fact there is a thread in the voting room  and i must admit that  most bfp was with pinapple juice its worth ago  would be great to stay in touch  speak soon Hun 

Kerry xxxx


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## emmajordan (Jan 8, 2006)

I am so so sorry to hear about your BFN - how devastating for you. I have a child and I can honestly say that I don't think that it makes any difference to the devastation that you must feel when you are not sucessful at IVF. Myheart goes out to you it really does.

Here is what I am doing - i am no way in your situation as no two people are the same. I hope that you aren't offended by anything that I say and they are all said with the best intention. If any of them are obvious or stupid then I am sorry.

I am TTC number 2 and am about to start thinking about assisted conception. I hope you don't mind someone who hasn't had treatment responding to your post it just upset me so much to hear you going through this pain.

I am just about to start hypnotherapy with a man who is a psychotherapist too. I almost lost my little girl twice, once at birth and once when she was 1 1/2 and I think that this "trauma" is preventing me from getting pregnant. I have read alot about stress and conception and I do think that some of us may need to relieve ourselves of our emotional burdens before successfully conceiving.

Now I know that you are having IVF and I am not but we are all trying to fertilise and implant an egg, however we do it.

I read an amazing book called Inconceivable by Julia Indichova it is all about how natural methods can help with conception. She didn't have IVF but some of the others in her book did and her journey is relevant because she encourages you to make steps that suit you.

I am taking the path of hypnotherapy - but there are loads of things that you can try and maybe see if any suit you.

Another great book is - Natural Solutions to Infertility by Marilyn Glenville this tells you exactly what to eat and not eat to get a BFP. She is involved in Foresite www.foresight-preconception.org.uk which is the pre conception care charity. They did a study of 100's of infertility couples and 82 percent of the couples got pregnant within 2 years of following the recommendations (some of them with assisted conception who had multiple unsuccessful attempts at IVF).

here is the research study and I then continue with my blathering
PRECONCEPTUAL CARE AND PREGNANCY OUTCOME

Sirs: We would like to report the pregnancy outcomes achieved by 367 couples, average ages 34 (22-45) for females and 36 (25 - 59) for males, who had been enrolled on a Foresight (The Association for the Promotion of Preconceptual Care) [1] preconception programme during 1990-92. Foresight clinicians completed investigations of both partners which included health questionnaires, analysis of essential nutrient status in blood, hair and / or sweat, and semen analysis. Common, but often symptomless, genito-urinary infections were sought by testing endocervical swabs, urine and post-prostatic massage secretions while blood was tested for chlamydial antibodies to diagnose active pelvic inflammatory disease [2, 3] .

Data evaluation showed that 90% of males and 60% of females regularly drank alcohol while 45% of the men but 57% of the women smoked. Among the 367 couples, 217 (59%) had a previous history of reproductive problems; 136 (37%) had suffered from infertility (for <1 to >10 years) and 139 (38%) had histories of from one to five previous miscarriages; 11 (3%) had given birth to a stillborn child, 40 were small-for-dates and 15 were of low birthweight (<2500g); 7 were malformed and 3 infants died of sudden infant death syndrome. A total of 86 females reported more than one of these problems. Of the male partners, 154 (42%) had a semen analysis because of infertility and most had a reduction in sperm quality. Commonest complaints among prospective parents were fatigue, headaches/migraine, cold feet, back pain, abdominal bloating and constipation.

Written and telephone follow-ups carried out in 1993 revealed that 327 (89%) of the women had become pregnant and 327 children had been born since enrolment. There were no multiple pregnancies. In remarkable contrast to the couples' previous experience, all their babies (137 males and 90 females ) were born healthy and were well developed at birth which occurred form 36 to 41 weeks (mean 38.5 weeks). Average birth weight was 3265g (2368 - 4145). None were malformed and none were transferred to special baby care units. Among 204 couples with infertility problems, 175 (86%) had achieved healthy pregnancies.

NEIL WARD PhD
Director of Research, Department of Chemistry, University of Surrey, Guildford, GU2 5XH, UK.

With acknowledgements to the following doctors who participated in the study:

Dr Marilyn Glenville Bed MA PhD Dip EHP NLP
Dr Ellen Grant MB ChB DObst RCOG
Dr Jonathan Hardy MA BM MF HOM
Dr Tom Heyes MA MB BC HIR DRCOG MRCGP
Dr Patrick Kingsley MB BS MRCS LRCP DObst RCOG
Dr J. Meldrum MB ChB DCH DA DObst RCOG MRCGP HTD
Dr Jenny Nevison MN BS
Dr M. Nightingale MB BS MRCGP FFARCS MRCS LRCP
Dr Patricia Sankey MB ChB MRCGP DObst RCOG
DR C. Scott-Moncrieff MB ChB MFH OM
Dr Pamela Tatham MB BS (London)
Dr K. Thorley MA MB CHhir MRC GP DRCOG 
.
REFERENCES:-

[1] Barnes B, Grant E, Mumby K et al. Nutrition and pre-conception care. Lancet 1985; i: 1297.

[2] Barnes B, Bradley SG. Planning for a Healthy Baby. London: Ebury Press, 1990.

[3] Grant ECG. Sexual Chemistry. London: Cedar, Reed Books, 1994.

I actually saw a nutritionist from the natural health practice (but you can have a postal consultation) you cut of a bit of your hair and they analyse it and then give you all the supplement you need to have the perfect health for conception. You should also be drinking wheat grass.

There are loads and loads of things that you can do to help yourself get a BFP. 
If I were to do 2 things it would be get the nutritional consultion (£100 nothing compared to a lister cycle)
and have acupuncture - it can double your chances of a BFP with AC.

You could also give your body a break and cycle at Create Health. They do natural IVF (no drugs therefore 1 egg) but it doesn't mess up your hormones.

I saw my nutritionist and acupuncturist at www.viveka.co.uk but many here rate Daniel Elliot at the Harley Street Acupuncture clinic.

I find doing these things make me feel proactive and like I am doing something to give me a BFP.

I don't know if any of them would help you - but I am really keen on this hypnotherapy's and he comes very highly recommended by another fertility friend member - she said that she (who has had failed cycles) felt more optimistic and positive than ever before.

I really hope you get your BFP 
The other options are - abroad in Kiev its about £1,500 per cycle and they will put in up to 5 eggs (the more they put in the more likely BFP) or donor eggs - IMF in Barcelona if you pay for 3 cycles will give you 70 percent back if you have no sucess with donor egg IVF/ISCI. You can have donor eggs until you are 50 and there is no waiting list.

i really hope that you get your BFP - your story has touched me and I hope that all of us wishing you the best will help you get through today and suceed in your next cycle

love
emma


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