# The journey to acceptance feels long and daunting



## sidl02 (Jul 20, 2015)

Hi Ladies,
I'm not really looking for answers to this.  I guess I just want to write down my thoughts and feelings and know that they'll be read by those who understand.
I'm in the early stages of coming to terms with a future without being a biological mum.  I have always considered myself a strong and independent woman who has been able to get through difficult times throughout my life and still remain positive. But I feel tired, drained and daunted about facing what feels like a very long journey towards acceptance and fullfilment.  Of course I know that I will, I'm too stubborn to let this beat me but it does feel right now that I've been handed a life sentence. Something that all the positivity and strength in the world won't ever make it right and there will always be a sadness there.  I have read many inspiring articles by women who are much further down the line than I am and they say that it does get easier.  I believe them.  But it's a journey that, despite our best efforts, is a long one.  It's so cruel to be reminded of the loss everwhere you turn.  Having said that, I've heard alot of women are angry when they see a pregnant woman.  I don't feel angry, I feel happy for them.  I feel their joy.  I just feel sad for myself that I will never experience that.  I'm glad I'm not angry because on top of everything else and all the other emotions to contend with I don't want to deal with anger too.  But theres a part of me that wants to act like a child and throw a tantrum when I read about 'the journey'.  That I have to go through the process and stages of coming to terms with this.  I want to shout 'no I dont want to go through it, I don't want to find something else to make my life fulfilled, I don't want to spend years coming to terms with it'.  Pathetic I know, because a tantrum isn't going to make this journey go any faster.  Does anyone else feel like that?  
Anyway, as I said, I just needed somewhere to voice my feelings so if you got this far thank you for reading.  It's comforting to have somewhere like this to share my feelings with, with women who understand, although I wish we weren't all here.
Andrea xx


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

Thank you for sharing, Andrea. Xx  Keep sharing! The journey is different for everyone and you may find your feelings change or even conflict on what you should do or what you want. That is totally normal.

For me and DH, we found it helpful to "check in" with ourselves and acknowledge how we are feeling at different times in our lives. Because of this, we know that our feelings change. But more importantly, we are able to demonstrate genuine acceptance of ourselves wherever we may be, which is so very healing. There will always be a sadness there, but it is pretty amazing how, despite the sadness we carry, we can still find happiness. That is true resilience. Xx


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## sidl02 (Jul 20, 2015)

Thank you so much for your response. It feels like a double edge sword being on here. Part of me feels I don't want to be here because it's something I never envisaged and yet another part of me feels comforted by the support and understanding of others who have similar experiences and I can share my feelings with.
I actually feel I'm dealing with things pretty well with it being so soon after failed treatment and being told it's the end of the road. Some days are harder than others but I find keeping myself busy with my business really helps. I have a number of clients and friends around me that are in the late stages of their pregnancy and some that have recently given birth and I've actually surprised myself how well I can hide my feelings and share their joy. I am genuinely happy for them. I'm just sad for myself. I am so pleased and proud of myself for being able to put my pain aside and show excitement to such a level that they have no idea about my situation. When I come away I am both happy and sad. Happy for them, happy that I can handle it the way I do but then cry with the pain of wishing it was me.
That pain is only something women desperate to conceive can understand. And it can be a very lonely and desolate feeling which just adds to the overall sadness.
Like i say, I think I'm doing ok. I'm doing better than I was 6 months ago so I guess any improvement is good. I just sometimes feel overwhelmed by the thought of this pain never going away fully. I'm sure it's something that over time I will learn to live with and deal with better but it sure seems a harsh price to pay sometimes.
Once again thank you for listening and taking the time to respond, it's very much appreciated xxxx


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## tinkytoes (Aug 27, 2016)

Hello there Andrea,  it's so terribly painful isn't it,  I hear myself in your words just a year ago.  Today it's much better and I've fully come to terms with things now, and I can honestly say I love life again.  18 months ago I would never have known it or believed I could feel happy again.  I was so very sad and lots of times quite distressed. I do hope you get there quickly, it sounds like you're doing all the positive steps you can and from what you say I think you're doing really well.  I am however so very sorry it hurts, I know that feeling and  I know how scary it is to let go and change direction. I am confident you'll be looking back one day in the near future and be at peace. Big hug x


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## Whippet1 (Sep 5, 2015)

Hi! 
I think I'm in the same place as you, and it's so hard! I swing between seeing all the positives and being happy around my friends discussing their children, to just feeling angry/ sad/ jealous when people are discussing something silly like the school run- I just feel so isolated to those around me who are doing the baby thing it seems so easily. It doesn't help that it's the done thing to ask " do you have children? No, oh then you'll adopt? What!?!? Like you're some kind of weirdo! It's so so helpful to read these threads sbd hear the feelings are normal and that it gets easier. 
Thanks all xx


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