# Admitting Defeat



## gaye (Mar 10, 2008)

Hi All

I am a 33 year old who has been married to my DH for 7 years.  We have been trying to conceive for over 3 years now and have had 1 m/c ?ectopic 18 months ago.  This came around the time we were going to seek professional help so felt encouraged to keep trying to conceive naturally. 

6 months later nothing so went and had further investigations.  Had laproscopic removal of adhesions from a burst appendix when a child and found to have mild PCO  . Was encouraged once again after the surgery and changed the diet to a low GI diet to hopefully help with PCO.  6 months later still nothing, so DH had sperm test which indicated abn forms!  Confirmed again on second testing.

So admitting defeat we are now seeking fertility support and treatment.  Have read numerous books and searched the internet on the various treatments out there and to be honest I am overwhelmed!  

Am interested to know if there are any others out there experiencing similar situations with issues effecting both partners?  We are waiting for our initial consultation however I have just found out they have lost the letter from the GP  and wondering now whether we should go privately?

Love Gaye


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## TLZ (Feb 27, 2007)

Welcome to the site Gaye  

Sorry you're having a hard time right now, this site is great for information and support though so you have come to the right place !

There will be lots of ladies and gents on here with similar probs to you and your DH and I'm sure they will be along to offer support soon.

I would just like to say as a woman with PCOS too,  I know how trying it all can be, there is highs and lows and sometimes it can seem like an uphill struggle ...

... but we keep going because IT WILL HAPPEN   

Loads of luck for the future  

TLZ x


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## eggsharer (Oct 22, 2007)

Gaye - we found out early on we needed IVF with ICSI coz of DHs SA. That was 4 years ago but we waited until firslty DH had come to terms with it, plus bought our own house etc and during that time i read all the books etc like you plus kept TTC naturally which of course didn't work. We went private (not entitled to NHS go as i have a DD 8 years ago with previous partner). I am 32 so similar age to you so decided to eggshare (you can only do this up to 35 or 37 depending on clinic) to reduce costs (IVF is free you only pay for ICSI and tests) plus to hopefully helo someone else who has no eggs as if you read on here ladies wait years for donors and that must be awful to go through. In total my cycle cost £1050 and as you can see worked first time (twins!) so was great for us although i will consider donating eggs again before i am 35 but not keeping half this time just to help someone else.

Its hard when you find out you need 'help' but it wasn't bad at all to go through in the end although admitedly i was fortunate it worked first time as emotionally it is a rollercoaster. I was totally postive it would work and my DH thought it wouldn't he was worried about me if it didn't but i think not getting your hopes up doesn't really protect you - a negative cycle would be crushing regardless of if you had your hopes up or not. Also IVF is quite trial and error and in the first cycle or couple of cycles even they are learning about you all the time, how you respond etc. I responded slower so if i cycled again would have more drugs to start with - it is a learning process. I did a short protocol as well which meant less drugs than some have so i guess that also made it easier for me to cope with.

We took marilyn glenville fertility plus vitamins (see link below) which i think are great and really helped us 
http://www.marilynglenville.com/supplements/fertility_plus_women_men.htm 
also here is a FF thread where others say it has improved their DHs count 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=129314.0;topicseen

If you wanted more info on eggsharing there is an eggshare board on here, or PM me or if you go on HFEA website (www.hfea.gov.uk) you can search for your local clinics and see if its something they offer as not all clinics do it. Its not for everyone though because you are giving half your eggs to someone else so have the worry they could get pregnant and you might not but i was ok with that but as i say some people cna't deal with that which is totally understandable too - you actually have to see a counsellor before your treatment to check you are ok with that.

Also depending on where you live you may be entitled to have private goes whilst you are on NHS waiting list - some areas knock your private goes of fyour NHS funded ones and others let you have both. Some areas give you only one go and in others its 3 - its a postcode lottery so call your PCT and find out what you are allowed in your area.

Good luck hun  

/links


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.

Emma
x x x x


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello Gaye, welcome to Fertility Freinds. 

You are not admitting defeat at all - you are merely embracing new ideas and ways to become parents!

I am sorry you have had abit of a rough time  and  to the hospital for losing your referal letter. As for going private - well, only you can really say whether that's a viable option as, private treatment can be costly (unless you egg share which can help reduce costs). I would imagine a lot would depend upon your PCT and what their waiting lists are like, what their qualification criteria is and how quickly you want to get started.

We do have problems on both sides, although in my case it is mostly me as DH's issues are fairly slight compared to some and, without all my baggage, we probably would ahve conceived naturally and been none the wiser.

So long as there are some decent sperm there, male factor issues can be overcome with ICSI so, I imaine, this will be the treatment option suggested to you.

I will leave you some links to some areas of FF that I think will prove most helpful to you:

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*PCOS ~ *CLICK HERE

*Male factors ~ *CLICK HERE

*Questions for your first cycle consultation ~ (use the ones that apply) *CLICK HERE

*ICSI ~ *CLICK HERE

While undergoing treatment, you might find it useful to join other ladies having treatment at the same time. The Cycle Buddies threads are just for that. You will fnd a thread, usually with a funny/inspiring name for this year's buddies. Just pop along to the appropriate month and say "Hi" when you are ready to start treatment.

*Cycle buddies ~ *CLICK HERE

And don't forget to have a bit of fun while you are on FF and check out the general chit chat / jokes / hobbies area:

*Girl & Boy talk - Community & Fun Board ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. This is especially useful to find people who may be using the same clinic and or in the same PCT area.

Wishing you lost of luck! 

C~x


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## gaye (Mar 10, 2008)

Wow , thanks so much for ALL your responses and your support and encouragement!  I will definitely check out the links attached.  There is so much to think about re: egg sharing, it hasn't been something I had thought of before.  

Going private is probably what we are going to do - partly due to my impatience. I have just found out it will be Sept/Oct time before I can get treatment in my area!

I wish you all well in your persuits of having a baby - WE WILL GET THERE

Lots of good wishes to you all
Gaye


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hi again Gaye, here's a link to the egg share boards if you want to learn more:

*Egg Share ~ *CLICK HERE

C~x


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## NuttyJo (Jun 29, 2007)

hi

just wanted to say hello and welcome, you've definitely come to the right place for support and feel free to ask all the questions you might have about forthcoming tx   

jo x


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## armi (Sep 1, 2007)

Hi Gaye welcome. I look forward to seeing you progress with your tx... do on t think about it as defeat.... so many people are on the rollercoaster that we all are on. 
Keep your chin up!!


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi gaye and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic place full of advice and support.

You have been left some great links to try out.

Im sorry to hear all you have been through and i am wishing u loads of luck with the future.

Kate xx​


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## gaye (Mar 10, 2008)

Hi Again

Well it is funny reading your posts when so much has happened between now and then.  

I just had EC today and we were really fortunate to get 10 eggs.  Everything is crossed for fertilisation.

I have subsequently written a letter of complaint to the PCT for losing my referral and am waiting to hear their response.  Hoping to get some of my private treatment funded or if required another treatment on the NHS.  My PCT usually doesn't allow funding if you have already had treatment privately

I just want to thank FF and all of you for your support.  This site has been educational and inspirational reading peoples journeys through treatment.

Good luck to you all in your treatments and I will definitely continue posting.

love gaye


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## izzyboo (May 22, 2008)

Hi Gaye,
I'm really pleased to hear that you are heading in the right direction. I'm new to this site. Both myself and my husband had fertility problems. I have PCOS and my husband seems to very very little sperm. I've found it really difficult with both of us having problems and I started to think what hope do we have! We're been referred to the infertility clinic and they have been really good, we have been put on the waiting list for IVF. I've started to look at things more positive and that think dreams can come true. I now need to wait for AF for bloods, scans ect. Also my biggest plan is to lose some weight.
I really wish you the best of luck and really hope everything works work for you. Stay positive. Let me know how you get on!


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## gaye (Mar 10, 2008)

Hi Izzyboo

Welcome to the IVF rollercoaster! and to FF.  You will find FF really helpful and supportive.  Where are you going to have treatment?  There might be a thread of the hospital or clinic where you will be having treatment where you can chat with others who are having their treatment their too.  It can be really useful to know what to expect before doing it.

Well we managed to get through ET today and have 2 embryo's on board and am now doing the dreaded 2WW!  So miracles can happen with having both male and female factors.  Something's to think about whilst waiting for treatment is getting extra vits and minerals for you both.  Acupuncture can support IVF treatment and if you can afford it, it is something to look into.

Hope all goes well, good luck with the bloods, scan and weight loss!  

love gaye


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