# Bit of advice after BFN



## fsc (Feb 19, 2010)

Hi there 

Just completed our first ICSI ....all seemed to go well with the treatment and I got 2 embryos put back but sadly my period started yest (spot on on the day it should normally arrive).. still had to test today but got as predicted the BFN.. really gutted as we were keeping healthy etc. 
Just wondered now what to do... as 5k for another cycle is quite an expense ... I read about the Zita West clinic and that it helped... do you reckon its worth a shot? - we don't have any kids and don't know if we can face the cost and emotional drain of a cycle when there is no real rhyme or reason with it.. don't think I'm strong enough or brave enough to go through it all again.I do admire and appreciate those who go through more than one cycle to get a DS or DD .. feel a bit pathetic that am crumbling after one cycle but not sure I can face it all again. 
Have a review in a few weeks but now thinking we should just switch off from the desperate wish for a baby and try and get back on track living our life without thinking about having a baby... easier said than done though. 
Just wondered if this gets any easier....thanks so much. Lots of luck to you all x


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## karenanna (Dec 27, 2008)

Hi FSC

First of all I wanted to send you a big      - a BFN is always difficult to deal with and the emotions you are feeling now are very normal.

Some couples cope by getting straight back into planning their next round of treatment and some just feel they need some time out. I would suggest taking some time to recover emotionally and physically before deciding what to do next. I did 4 cycles back to back all BFNs - one of the best things we did was take 7/8 months out before moving clinics and trying again. As you can see it worked for me in the end.

In the meantime, lifestyle changes - diet, vitamins, exercise can help - I have heard that the Zita West stuff is very expensive, but am not an expert on it. Also plan some nice things for the two of you to do to take the focus away from the whole IVF business. You will know when the time is right if you want to try again, but don't make any decisions until you have had a bit of time and your follow up.

Karenanna xxx


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## fsc (Feb 19, 2010)

Thanks KarenAnna and many congrats on your BFP.. that is lovely. Very wise words I think about the time out and doing nice things.. right now I just can't decide btw giving up on it all or going all out for it again but my head is all over the place right now... guess I need as you say to have a bit of time out with my DH to regroup and see what is what.. still hurts as it seemed like everything went so well but looks like the embryos didn't want to implant.. not really sure but will see what the review says. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy x


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## SR3 (Sep 18, 2008)

Hi,

I too have to now face a BFN.  I took a test early yesterday which had also been a BFN and today I'm really not sure how I'm feeling apart from very numb.  I think I did all my crying yesterday... so feel so empty now today.

I think we've decided to try again asap as I'm running out of time.  I know every month that goes by I'm getting older and potentially AMH levels will be decreasing.  May be do a final round and then start afresh next year with either a positive outcome or us as a couple moving on and dealing with the fact that we just won't have a child.


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## karenanna (Dec 27, 2008)

SR3 -   Your AMH level in your profile certainly isn't very low, so please don't lose hope. You will feel numb for a while and always question why it didn't work. Make sure you talk it through with your partner, but also spend some time not thinking about it, as it can be all consuming. Not sure if it will help or not but there is a special support thread for BFNs where you can get help and support from other ladies - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=42.0

FSC - I know just what you mean about it all seeming to go well and then no implantation - you constantly want to know why it didn't work. My DH thought I was mad when we moved clinics and they discovered I had high natural killer cells - I was so pleased they ahd found something wrong with me (perverse I know). A few of my cycle buddies have used Zita West counselling sessions to help them get their heads straight - they said they were skeptical about going at first but it really helped them.

Karenanna xxx


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## always (Feb 9, 2007)

Hi FSC, so sorry to hear of your BFN, we too have just had the same and the way I felt that day, I never thought I could go through it ever again, but our dream is still there and our hope of one day having our child remains. As you can see we have been through 7 cycles (4 fresh and 3 FET), it has cost us over £25k, but our desire to be parents overules any amount of money. On the last attempt we did say it would be the last, but kind of hoped it would be, because it would work. We have now decided that we will go again, but will speak to a few different clinics to see if they will do things differently, and will make sure my body is totally ready.
I wont lie to you, it doesn't get easier with every go, in some ways it does get harder, but determination and desire keeps us going. I would advise not to be fobbed off with "bad luck" etc and push for tests and answers, I just wish I had pushed more in the beginning.
Sending you lots of hugs at this awful time and hope you will find the right choice for you and your dh.     Good luck with your review appointment and your future xxxxx


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## tinydancer811 (Jan 25, 2010)

Hi fsc,

So sorry to hear about your BFN.  They're just awful aren't they?  I've had 3 this year...

After my fresh cycle in May, I went into a bit of a dark place.  I became very angry with the world and very upset with pregnant women.  DH and I weren't sure what to do.  His point of view was that we have to exhaust all our options as otherwise we will always be left wondering.  

He also pointed out that the money that we spend on tx will be worth it if we get a baby in the end and if we don't, we are unlikely to have money problems later in life as Double Income No Kids couples are usually OK financially speaking.  

I took some time out and we went travelling and reconnected.  I had some counselling too, which helped a lot.

Don't feel that you're not brave.... you are.  The first few weeks after a BFN is the worst.  I think that things will become clearer for you with time and there's no rush to make a decision.

Hoping so much that you begin to feel a little better and are at peace with whichever decision you eventually make.
xxx


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## fsc (Feb 19, 2010)

Thanks so much for all those replies.. really helpful . Expat ..congrats on your BFP and good luck with it all.. and Always and SR3 really sorry about the BFN's..I think as you say it is still early days and my head and that of my DH's is all over the place.. going to try and give ourselves a few weeks to clear our heads.. went out for breakfast with a friend this morning and felt better about that. So true  what you say about asking the qus and not being fobbed off. when we have our review. I'd like to at least try and make a bit of sense of all this if its possible. Wishing you all the best on this journey whatever path you follow.. thanks so much xx


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