# New girl - DH infertile - anyone going through similar issues?



## hopeful1985 (Jun 26, 2014)

Hi, I am 28 years old and have been with my DH for over 4 years. My DH had a testicular torsion when he was a premature baby and due to medical negligence had to have the testicle removed. His other testicle did not drop and he has now been told that there is a high risk of malignancy and it should have been removed years ago - he is due to undergo a removal soon. As he has always been told he is infertile he has been on replacement hormones since adolescence.  He told me on our first date that he was infertile and that this wouldn't change, but hey I fell in love with him that night and if I had to choose, I choose him.

He ia an amazing man, and we both want children and decided to find out our options. This was so hard for him as he has had to deal with what he feels is the stigma of being 'less than a man'. Its hard to console him sometimes and make him believe he is the best man I know.

Despite knowing he is infertile and we would need a donor he has had to do the red tape testing which including giving semen samples and a million blood tests. This was hard for him to accept and felt like rubbing salt into the wounds. We both have gone through over a year of testing and found the hospital to be  cold and like a conveyor belt. We regularly sit in a waiting room with pregnant women, i was once put in a side room in nothing but a robe with a woman in the next room being told her treatment had worked and listened to their joy and heard the description of their first scan. I was delighted for them but pinged with sadness. As I say I have known we would be infertile for four years and have gotten my head around that, but for a more sensitive patient or someone trying to get to grips with infertility I can only imagine the impact that would have.

I have also been placed in a waiting area along a main corridor of a hospital in a robe and nothing else whilst men walk passed - degrading.

However most of you know that you put up with everything with a smile for fear of being rejected from the process

We have recently been given to go ahead for funding for sperm donation and IVF and are expecting a call in August to go in and talk to nurse about next steps.

I am wondering if there is anyone out there in a similar situation about to choose a sperm donor and begin IVF with an infertile male partner?

Its hard sometimes to be the strong one when you don't know how to deal with a partner who struggles with this daily and know how to comfort him

talking and advice would help me

Thanks


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## artist_mum (Jun 19, 2012)

Hi hopeful

I just read your post and wanted to say what a lovely, caring and considerate person you are! Your DH is very lucky to have somebody so supportive.  I"m sure he is equally good to you and I'm sure you will make great parents when you get to that bit  

I am not in the same situation as you and am a great deal older than you. But your post really struck me as you write so clearly about your situation - and about the insensitivities of the NHS which just adds unnecessary stress to an already difficult time.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that you have loads of time on your side to make this happen.  I understand how your DH may feel, but you know, the baby or babies you have will be raised and cared for by him (and you!) and I'm sure he will make a great dad.  And to those babies he will be 100% their dad.  I can sympathise with him in a way because I have to accept I am 'infertile' and will be looking to surrogate or adoption - and I too have those feelings of 'failure' as a woman just as he may experience as a man.  But you know, it's just medical and happily these days there are other solutions, in your case donor IVF.  The support of a partner who loves you helps enormously with those feelings of failure - but ultimately he (and me in my case!) has to come to terms with that in himself.

Stay strong and I wish you both all the very best of luck.

xx


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## mamochka (May 23, 2013)

Hopeful - could you try IUI with donor sperm, much cheaper and good chances for your age. M


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## smilergal (Apr 8, 2014)

Hi hopeful.

You are certainly not the only one with male infertility to get through. My husband cannot have children, we only found out 22nd April this year and it has been so hard and really did seem like our world was falling apart. But ofcourse there are options and we have decided to use a sperm donor. We have an appointment at a local hospital to discuss our options on 1st July, although we've already decided. 

Feel free to message me because I know it can feel like you are the only person going through this.

Best of luck for everything xx


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## Bumble Bus (Apr 23, 2013)

Hopeful, what a lovely post 

My DH also has no sperm, we found out after we had been trying the old-fashioned way for a year so it was a shock. It is so sad that we will not be able to have a biological baby together but I know (as long as this works at some point!) we will be great parents together.

There is a donor sperm board here - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=550.0 incase you haven't found it yet. Come and join us.

Also, wanted to make sure you knew about the Donor Conception Network? They support all people using donor conception and also donor conceived people. We went on a 'Preparation for Parenthood' course to help us finalise our decision to go ahead with donor sperm and there was huge value in my DH meeting other men - nice and normal just like him - who were infertile. (you can go on it if you've decided, just not if you've conceived already).

Best of luck and will try and help with anything if I can as I've done 3 x IVFs already and counting..... (hopefully you will not need so many - my ovaries seem to think they are older than the rest of me and my immune system is a bit excitable).

x


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## KettaTheSnowLeopard (Jun 26, 2014)

Greetings, Lady Hopeful,

I know too well that mixed feeling of Joy, Sadness, Excitement and Jealousy when someone announces they are having a baby. I want to cry every time I go to my OBG.

My husband has a vericle seal in his one testicle. His parents didn't want to do anything about it when he was a kid (anything sex is just so taboo with them), and the doctor said that if he had problems with fertility in the future we could address it then. We come to find out while I'm in the hospital having a miscarriage that his father had 2 (one in each testicle) and they had problems conceiving. It was like a slap in the face. That we weren't good enough for them to tell us that. That they couldn't get over their religious values enough to be honest with their children that they are constantly bugging to have kids.

Then I went in for surgery to remove a cyst on 2nd June, and found out it was a giant Endometrioma the size of my entire uterus. We were referred to a fertility doctor and have been told we can't get pregnant without one. I just sent over all my records from my other doctors and filled out their paper work. I am still waiting for them to call to make an appointment. 

I don't know what would be worse: knowing your whole life and still having to endure the tests and hearing the results you knew would be. Or having two surprises in a year and a half. But I too have the most amazing husband I could have ever wished for, and to me, that's all that matters. You are a strong woman, and BOTH of you will get through this!

Chin up! The first few steps of any journey are always the hardest.


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## Natalie1402 (Jun 18, 2014)

My husband and I are just about to start our IVF treatment using a sperm donor.

We went through an awful lot to get to this point, our first appointment being 4 years ago in September. we were passed from one person to the next and were on waiting lists to be seen for years. When we actually got an appointment with the right people, my local authority stopped funding ivf and we had to appeal which was rejected. Then. When they started funding it again 6 months later my DH had a sperm retrieval procedure which came back negative. I was devastated we found out the week before christmas in 2012  we were referred to a counsellor to talk through our options (standard procedure apparently) we decided to use donor sperm, then last year in an unrelated matter I had a major operation to remove a large cyst on my ovary and it turns out I had very severe endometriosis which effects fertility also. We rang in march this year to request treatment and I got accepted straight away-however I had to have a prostap injection which would last three months and would reduce any new cysts or fibroids growing and give my ovaries a rest for 3 months.

We got a phone call about the donor. And they said if we wanted to use this one we had to go, and sign some forms... We were only given his height, hair and eye colour, weight, skin tone , and told he was from America. That was it! It shocked me really how little information we got. But we were told that he was the closest match.

We had our teach appointment last week and I'm going next week for a scan and bloods before being given the date to start injecting which should be around the 7th July ... Excited doesn't even begin to describe how I feel!!!!

I hope this answers some of your questions, it seems I'm a little ahead of you in treatment terms but hopefully I can answer any questions if you have any.

Sorry for it being such a long message...it feels good to actually talk to someone about it!

Natalie x


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## hopeful1985 (Jun 26, 2014)

Thank you sooo much everyone. I debated posting as I almost feel I am too scared to show weakness in the process. We found out that the testicle was in his abdomen over a year ago and was told recently that an internal testicle carries an 80% risk of being or turning malignant. I cried in the appointment out of sheer anger and pain for my DH... they had the scan a year ago and always blew off the questions I asked about what it meant and any risks. Subsequently my GP got a letter stating i should be referred to counselling as I became emotional over ivf process and they worried i wouldn't be able to cope. I wasnt crying about the ivf. Its so difficult to feel like the wrong word and question could potentially delay or cause problems with treatment. To make matters worse his pre-op appt is over a month away, everything is a waiting game at the min. Its so nice to actually talk and express my feelings.... unjudged. Thank you for your support and links. It means soo much xxx


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## MrsA85 (Sep 27, 2013)

Hi ladies

Im in a similar situation too, my hubby has no sperm either and we are about to go down the donor sperm route using iui, we have 6 cycles of this offered to us, we have had our counselling and are due to go back on the 9th July to meet with the consultant and sign all the consent forms. 
It has been the longest and hardest journey ttc but after over 12 months of no luck we went to our gp which referred us for tests which hubby's SA came back as zero, was devastated but he was also suffering with an infection on his prostate so they said that could cause problems....this went on for over 12 months and him been hospitalised twice due to pain, his urologist then referred us for ivf had all the tests done again and another sample back at zero, waited 4 months to see the consultant who then decided to do further tests which were for cystic fibrosis and klinefelters waited another 6 months for theses results to be told he has klinefelters, even though we mentally prepared for the worst you still hold on to that hope don't you. 
It's so challenging on you as a couple but you just need to stay strong and stick together and hopeful you sound like your a lovely an strong and supportive person. 
I wish you all the luck in the world ladies hopeful, Natalie, ketta, bumble bus, smiler gal and mamochka xxx


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## smilergal (Apr 8, 2014)

I have just caught up with all the posts and they've been inspirational to read. 
MrsA85, I totally understand what its like to find out that your husband has klinefelters, it is truly heart breaking and so difficult to come to terms with. I feel that although we have gone through a lot and found medical info about ourselves in the past year which hasnt once been good news yet, has made us stronger as husband and wife.

Honestly hopeful dont feel to scared to post anything, we are all in the same boat and I feel that when other people talk about their journey, it does seem to make the whole process a little less painful.

Im so glad I searched for a forum like this, I feel that all the lovely ladies have made things easier to cope with.

Natalie1402 you must be so excited and nervous about starting IVF after such a long wait. Keep us updated and I wish you every bit of success.

We have an appointment later today with a specialist genetics Dr, Im hoping she will discuss our options with us although me and my husband have already agreed that we'll try donor sperm first. Will let you know how it goes.

Have a beautiful day everyone and wish you all happy news very soon xx


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## Lilly83 (Jan 19, 2012)

Hello

I have added a few links you and your DP might find useful, I'm having donor egg treatment myself at the moment

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

*Male factors ~ *CLICK HERE

*Donor sperm/eggs ~ *CLICK HERE

*The Mens Room ~ *CLICK HERE

Good luck for your appointment today, anything else you need give me a shout

L x


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## smilergal (Apr 8, 2014)

So our appointment today went ok, the Dr basically gave us more in depth about our infertility issues. Just like I thought it would be a chat and not much else. We are being referred for IVF treatment as we have said we would like a sperm donor, so will receive a letter in about 3 weeks with our appointment date and location. My husband is also being referred to an endocrinologist because of his Klinefelters xx


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## hopeful wifey (Apr 23, 2014)

Hi Hopeful, 

Just wanted to say that you are every definitely not alone in your DH being infertile, my amazing hubby was diagnosed with Kleinfelters last year (there seems to be so many of us with a kleinfelters diagnosis at the moment ) and we also had the year from hell going through lots of doctors appointments & hospital visits.  It was the hardest time of our lives but it has definitely made us closer as a couple and I admire him so much for the way he has handled the diagnosis.

I think Bunmble has also easy posted the link to the donor sperm thread - there are so many of us on there all in the same boat and it is a really supportive thread - hope to see you all over there soon  

Don't be worried about posting on here everyone is so kind and helpful and have found it a great comfort to know people that are one step ahead of you in a similar journey so you know roughly what to expect.  

We have had 2 DIUI the first was a BFN and the second was a short lived BFP which unfortunately ended in miscarriage - we are now trying to dust ourselves off and decide what the next step is for us.

If you have any questions feel free to pm me and will try to help xx

Hi to everyone else and sending you all lots of  

xx
Wifey
xx


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