# why is everyone else pregnant?



## hopetobe

Sorry just a rant.
Why is everyone I see pregnant or have a baby! My sister inlaw, cousin, friend (in another country and she's not even maternal) are all pregnant and they are the same (ish) age as me. I work in a Nursery and a lot of the parents are preg or have young baby. Very hard to come into work. I am a great mum but have no child of my own. Would adopt but the process sooooo long. and the children are mostly special needs. Not against that completely but not my ideal. As a teacher of 16 years, you would not believe the sad situations some children are in. How is that fair? 
sorry thanks for listening
you guys are probably the only ones who know the physical, emotional, all consuming pain of infertility.
38 tick tock.
baby dust to all x


----------



## emmasmith9

It does feel that way sometimes doesn't it...in the supermarket, on the underground, at work, family friends.... pregnant women everywhere! Then everyone says to you "just relax stop thinking about it, it will happen"!!! Seriously . Firstly I'm infertile due to endo not being uptight thanks all the same, and how can I forget about it when there are bumps staring me in the face everywhere I go?!?!?!  Hahaha sorry Hopetobe was going to attempt some cheery words but have just joined your rant!!!!
Still feels good to vent sometimes so rant away..... 
x


----------



## mclou

the old lady down the street from me, she's not pregnant. my aunt, she's not pregnant. my cats, they are not pregnant. but i agree it seems like everyone else is.
i too work with babies so i understanhd how hard it is to go into work.
re- just relax and it will happen. i know people don't know what to say but it is so blooming irritating when people say that arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
try and stay positive 
bigs hugs to you x x  x  x x


----------



## norfolk85

Some days I wake up and I walk out the door feeling positive with a smile on my face, thinking things can only get better, filling my head with the thoughts of ever optimistic friends and family "it'll happen one day", "you have age on your side" and the ultimate line " I just know you will make a great mum one day".

Other days, I dont want to get out of bed through fear of seeing my pregnant friends and family or their newborns. I feel so bitter when I go home, they must think im so miserable sometimes but I really cant help it. 
Talk about scans, feeling it move, will it be girl or a boy. How their little ones are talking their first steps, saying their frist words or smiling.
Dont get me wrong I know all these people are good parents and their kids are loved but I feel so helpless. I cant offer anything!

All I ever wanted to be was a mum, and its just not happening.

Sorry, this isnt heping really, but at least you know you are not alone xxxx


----------



## MrsSecker

I am feeling rotten today about pregnant people, I have just posted on another thread - there is a pregnant woman at work, one of my good friends is about to give birth, 2 friends on ******** and now my next door neighbour.  I am sat at work trying to smile through but I don't know how many more  I can take and how many more pregnant women I can come across and have to listen to their "joy".  I am finding it hard to keep going to work, I just want to ring in sick and stay in bed and it is affecting my marriage as I am miserable all the time.  

Life is pants.   

Mrs S


----------



## mclou

mrs s. just wanted to say hello as just read you message. i know it seems like everything is ****. i don't want to say anything that will sound patronising. get through today and try to be strong. take each day as it comes.
big hugs x


----------



## MrsSecker

Thanks McLou, feeling sorry for myself today, I will be ok tomorrow I think, move on to another cycle, nothing else to do really is there but move on.  Sorry for being a "me" rant, I know all you other ladies are experiencing the same heartache too.xxx

Mrs S


----------



## Mommy.moo27

Tell me about it been ttc since jan 2010 n nothing, my sister came of the pill may n is now 3wks pregnant


----------



## Mitchy12345

hey chick, 

i know exactly how you feel. all i see all day at work is pregnant people and mums with kids they have no time for. and all i can think is its just not fair!!! why don't we get to be the great mums we deserve to be?! i think i secretly hate all pregnant women, even my sister in law who is 9 weeks pregnant, shoving it in my face all the time... 

just remember you are not alone, and all the people on this site are here to listen to you rant and scream at the world. and one day the baby gods are finally gonna realise that you are the best person to be a mum and it WILL happen. being positive can suck sometimes but you've got to try. and if not, come and rant to me, i'm all ears sweetie!!!

from mitch x


----------



## Janinio

I agree with you almost everyone seems to be pregnant - 2 of my friends gave birth this week, my cousin last month, my other friend is due in 2 months and my best mate has started talking about it. A woman I work with (who is a bit Tim nice but Dim ) is now trying and keeps comparing her 2 months of trying to my 2 years and about to start ICSI journey. Imagine my joy when she actually asked me to help her to work out her fertile days so she has a better chance of conceiving! I work in a hospital and a few of the patients in our service are pregnant and very vocal about not wanting their babies - I find that the hardest - they have no idea and just take it for granted so much.

I just hope that I, and you, and all on here that are still TTC will soon be one of those bloody annoying pregnant women!

Keep your chin up and THINK POSITIVE - I'm so sick of being told that - especially by pregnant women
GOOD LUCK!!! x


----------



## LCatt

I know how all of you feel, everywhere I go I see so many pregnant women, on the tube with the badge of honor "baby on board", walking in the street , I even see them smoking while pregnant   It's also hard for me at the moment because my sister in law has just given birth 6 weeks ago and i hate her for it (and myself for feeling like this). 

My Mum knows that I'm waiting for my first apt for ICSI, but all she keeps talking to me about it my niece. I feel now she has her long awaited for 1st grandchild she doesn't care if I fall or not. I need her support and I'm not getting it and feel so alone   . 

Sorry for the rant, but know one else seems to understand and it's really getting me down trying to keep smiling while my mum gushes on and on. I often cry by myself so i don't have to upset anyone else. 

Thanks for listening xx


----------



## scattykat

My word, I could have written everyone of those posts! Is horrible that we feel this sad, but I am taking comfort that if other people think this way too I am not a horrible person, bitter against the world. I work in a hospital department where the majority of people are child bearing age women who get pregnant at the drop of a hat! I smile and ask questions about bump, but inside I can feel my heart crumbling. I am having a birthday bbq tomorrrow, and know 2 of the girls I have not seen for a while are ttc. I had to ask them if they are pregnant so I didnt start to cry when they turned up with huge baby bump....need to be prepared!!
Still, the only way is up, right ladies x


----------



## Hope2005

Well, my neighbourd is young, have 4 kids and one on the way - yes she is also smoking whiles pregnant. Why is she pregnant? I am asking myself the same question. How can someone so careless about her kids be given the chance to have more kids.

I am not a philosopher but sometimes you cant help but ask.

sometimes we cant explain why things happen to other people and not us.


----------



## Andi123

Hi there
I got into double figures of close friends and family who have been pregnant and had children and it does get you down - oh and I saw a nurse at the GP and timed it so badly - unbeknown to me it was midwife clinic so there were tons of happy smiling mother to be's chatting about their experiences and due dates etc. 
I too work with children and families - in special needs education and get really cross at times at the poor parenting etc. I too decided not to adopt but mainly because of the emotional difficulties or SEN that develop. However, I did decide on egg donation - a long journey there but right for me and my partner. 
Keep your chin up, good luck


----------



## Aprilisthebest

Hey girls i knw how u feel its even worse when you see pregnant teen that didnt even plan it it just happened! And bad luck for me im single atm im a mum with no baby  makes me realy down bt theres no 1 in real life so 2 speak i can talk 2 so thanks for listening x x x


----------



## Lexi2011

Hey girls, I am in major need of a rant today so hope its ok to vent on here!!! My best friend just had her 2nd baby, my work colleague had a baby this weekend and his gooey texts and ******** updates make me feel like my heart is going to break, my brother had his 4th (yep 4!) 6 weeks ago, every one of my friends has children - most are on number 2, I even work in the same building as a 4d scanning place called meet your baby so have to walk past the endless people happily waiting for their scans and all I think is why cant this simple and easy thing seem to happen for me?!  

I have been feeling up and down for the past few months about all of this, but seem to have hit a major downer this weekend/week and no its not healthy and my Mum says I need to be positive (yep cos thats going to get me preggers!) We are due to go to a wedding thie Friday and I cannot face going as just know someone will say they are pregnant and I simply cant deal with that at the mo. 

Sorry girls, there is nothing worse than a whinger but i really needed to get that off my chest xxxxx


----------



## rockandrose

Don't worry Lexi2011, you rant as much as you like! How did the wedding go?


----------



## Cherubteacher

Hey Lexi2011, I understand exactly how you feel! This weekend I havealso had two good friends give birth who immediately posted pictures on ******** so I had to enjoy their congratulatory comments and it feels like they are rubbing it in my face ( I know they are not really). In fact altogether 3 people I know have had babies in the past 5 days and it is so tough not to be joining their special 'club.' I feel like it is VIPs only and I am not allowed in!!

I feel exactly the same as you about and the other ladies on here who find it hard to have to see people who are pregnant. A few months ago I remember going to lunch and sitting between two friends who were pregnant and talking about their babies while I had to just sit there miserably and listen. Some days just seem harder than others don't they?!! This weekend was a real low point for me so I started posting on here and feel really glad there are others in the same position who I can talk to because no one else seems to understand how much it hurts. I am a teacher working in a fairly deprived area and some of the parents have about 6 children who they can't handle or don't treat well. It makes me so cross. I know it is not good karma to feel angry with others about their happiness but sometimes it is just too much to handle.

Ha, so anyway, you are not the only one whingeing!! 

Lots of baby dust and hugs

Cherubteacher


----------



## lucy2831

I too know how you are all feeling. I had to go to a one year olds birthday party this week surrounded by babies and toddlers with all my friends asking about feeding and sleep and I sat on the floor between them all and just wanted to cry. I had nothing to contribute to the discussions and ached for what they have.

I managed to smile my way through that one and tommorow have to go to a baby shower, thought it was going to be just a few friends who mostly don't have babies yet but now it seems like lots more people with their new borns will be there. I am happy for them but just dont want to endure these things anymore. I keep thinking of avoiding it, but then thats not going to help. Just can help thinking, whens it my turn Its so hard isn't it.

Lots of baby dust too you all

xxx


----------



## Spanna2010

Hello   
Phew... what a relief to read other people feeling like me.  In the past year or so, about 9 people in my small department were either announcing they were pregnant, heavily pregnant, off on maternity leave or just coming back off leave.  So it's all anyone ever talks about and I just can't bear it.  I've ended up having to avoid going to tea breaks and I don't go to lunch with any of them anymore as I just can't put myself in the situation where they start talking about their children as I can't predict whether I will just burst into tears   .  I feel completely excluded and like "Cherubteacher" said it's like they have their own special club.  Then this morning I saw on ******** one of the girls in my department is pregnant AGAIN.  I just feel like I'm having to live in a permanent nightmare and it just keeps cycling round and round - it's like they're all taking it in turns to be on maternity leave.
Truly does help to hear people feeling the same way


----------



## Journey99

It's hard and makes me feel guilty for "hating" pregnant women! 

I think the hardest for me is we've not told people we are TTC.  Therefore we get the "so when are you guys going to have a baby" questions constantly. I usually laugh them off and say no rush. It's an innocent question I've asked many people in the past but will NEVER ask again. I know they don't realize and I can't really be angry with them. I did finally snap at my SIL recently as my "no rush" reply got followed by "you're not getting any younger" and when I replied "I'm young enough" she just wouldn't quit until I finally snapped "I can't have kids, I have fibroids". That shut her up.,,sort of. Then it was "do you have a surgery date?" constantly lol

I try not to get too upset when I see a bump or baby, I try and think positive and think soon that will be me and other women wil be hating on me lol And if that doesn't cheer me up I go home and have a good cry lol


----------



## rockandrose

jouney99 I know what you mean... so frustrating! I have been toying with the idea of responding to that question with an equally personal question, such as 'when are you going to start losing weight then?' or 'isn't it time you started paying more attention to your wrinkles?'!! But I know that everyone on here is far more sensitive and too mature to deliberately embarrass someone, even if they do deserve it for asking such insensitive questions!


----------



## Journey99

Haha rockandrose that is brilliant!!!

I've been asked numerous times if I'm pregnant or when am I due.  I have always had a "ponch" which I now believe are down to my multiple fibroids.  My arms and legs are scrawny so put together with big boobs and a ponch I can sort of see why people would think that but really why would you ask if you aren't sure.  The majority of the "offenders" have been strangers.  The first was years ago by an 80 yr old woman at a bus stop who actually patted my "bump" when she asked when I was due.  I didn't want to embarrass her so I made up a date based on how fat I thought I looked that day lol.  Since I've been TTC I'm not so polite.  My response is I'm not pregant I'm just fat with a very flat tone and serious face.  Which usually gets a pretty shocked and embarrassed look which I should feel slightly guilty but actually makes me feel a bit better.  I would never ask someone if they were pregnant if I weren't positive they were (ie they told me).  I would never ask a complete stranger!!!!

At the moment my belly is so swollen from surgery I look about 6 months pregnant(which is better than the 9 months immediately after the surger - really do they need to inflate us that much)...that coupled with the fact I have to hold my belly all the time so it doesnt hurt I could understand if someone asked me, so I think I will just stay indoors until the swelling goes down lol


----------



## dinkydott




----------



## Son

rockandrose - your comment made me smile   I wish I had the nerve to throw a smart reply back at people but I tend to either mumble & change the subject as quickly as I can or tell them that I'm not too fussed about having a baby & that I'm getting too old..........as if this is a way of me justifying why myself & DP don't have a child of our own!?! 
But by hiding my true feelings & by previously making out I'm not that fussed about having a baby, I know that I can't now turn around to friends & family & expect them to understand or offer me a shoulder to cry on because of our 'unexplained infertility'. Its a lonely feeling - but thankfully I've found you guys  

It seems as if every week someone I know announces they're pregnant or gives birth - I spend a fortune buying baby pressies for people &, as much as I like buying people gifts, when I'm at the till paying for yet another cute outfit I wish with all my heart that I was buying the item for my baby   

My hardest time was when my ex's new wife announced her pregnancy - I was soooo jealous it hurt & I'm pretty sure that the moment I found out I actually had to remind myself to breathe. We'd been divorced for many years so I wasn't upset for the reasons that many thought I was - I was upset because he's not a nice person so how's it fair that they get to be blessed & I don't??!! It wasn't that long after the baby was born that they announced they were having another!! But by now my 'fake smile & congratulations' is perfect  

Everyday I hurt that we haven't got our BFP but I'm not giving up hope - I   that one day myself & my gorgeous DP will have our very own bundle of joy to buy baby pressies for!!

 to all...xxx


----------



## rockandrose

And another thing... I also think it is perfectly acceptable to respond using actions, so that if someone mistakenly thinks you are pregnant and pats your stomach (Journey99, loving your work there! excellent skills, making up lies to tell old ladies to avoid embarassing them) then without saying a word, you just smile, reach over and pat theirs! They'll quickly leave you alone, I promise!


----------



## Lisa07

Hi everyone!

am hoping that writing this down will help. no matter how I feel, optomistic and positive, or down and negative, as soon as I find out someone else is expecting I just feel so sad.

I don't think 'why them and not us' anymore cause I've excepted that it's not always the ones who deserve it that get their babies. And it's not as if there is only so many babies to go round! 
but as logical as I try to be I still end the day feeling teary


----------



## ★~Reach4theStarz~★

Hi everyone,

rockandrose...loving the responses there put a   on my face!! needed a little chuckle!! 

And yes i swear someone up in the sky is looking down and making sure that i get a little reminder everyday that im not pregnant!! i cant seem to avoid it!! 

I think im just going to end up being one of these people who grow old on their own with a house full of animals and ill be known as the crazy snake lady!! 

baby dust to all
xXx


----------



## HelloKitty76

I can soooo relate today ..its like everyone I meet or get close to gets pregnant...I suppose its like counting the redlights on the road and not the green ones...but stil it hurts


----------



## Journey99

Its the people I know that are pregnant that really get to me. I guess because I know their situation. Some weren't trying, others the first month. That angers me!  And hearing them complain infuriates me. Since we haven't made TTC public knowledge I don't expect them to know. But their complaining is almost borderline bragging...it's rude lol

Strangers I like to believe they struggled and got their miracle. Although if they are rude or seem obnoxious then I hate them lol. 

I want to quit ** as I can't take another pregnancy or baby status update. I have one person who updates about her baby everyday!!  My friends GF is about 6 weeks pregnant and they've already announced on ** and she updates "Mommy and baby" this and "Mommy and baby" that! The reason I find it hard to quit is I live abroad and all my family and friends live in Canada. It's the way I keep in touch with everyone.  I can't de-friend people just bc they are pregnant or have a baby...although I really want to lol  

Feeling a bit down is AF is on her way. I know there is zero chance I'm pregnant (no sex since op) but its still one more month that goes by. Hmmm had I realised I was going to throw myself a pity party I would have baked a cake


----------



## ★~Reach4theStarz~★

You can actaully unsubscribe to your friends updates on ** which is what i have done today...seeing pictures posted of scans and days out with a newborn has just about done it for me!! 

If you want to stop the status updates without de-friending them...go onto their page and click onto subscribe which is at the top of the profile...then click unsubscribe ...
Or when you see on news feed a status you can click on the corner of th status and do it that way...

I took them off today which made me feel slightly better knowing that i can go on ** without having to worry about seeing baby updates...just one less reminder!!


----------



## Journey99

THANK YOU!!  

It's all done! I've pretty much unsubscribed to everyone lol


----------



## Lexi2011

Sorry I need to rant again! 

I hate ******** with a passion, I took myself off it for a couple of months then every time I bumped into someone they kept asking me why I wasn't on ******** anymore, like its a crime or something. 

One of my best friends had a baby on Sunday and I cant help but feel like a little bit of my heart broke, I know that probably sounds pathetic. To top it off now she has updated her ******** status to say how amazing being a new Mummy is and everything is perfect. 

My final rant, is my topic of working in the same building as "Meet my Baby" (4D baby scanning place) and every time I walk into the reception area of our building the endless people waiting to have their scans done beaming at me thinking I am the person going to take them in for their scan. I feel like screaming " do I look like I am a baby scanning person" NO! 

That feels better, x


----------



## ★~Reach4theStarz~★

LOL iv pretty much unsubscribed to everyone too!! 

urgh i hate the mummy statuses...but i just think when im eventually pg im going to kick ass with the status updates and make sure everyone knows it!! everyday without fail lol 

Lexi that must be so hard working where you do...its bad enough for me working in a hospital with 3 pregnant nurses as colleagues!! luckily i work on a neurology ward rather than birthing ward or something...saying that within the last 4 months we have had 6 pregnant patients?!?!   

Honestly!! if it wasnt in my face so much then maybe it wouldnt bother me so much but i cant seem to get away from it!!

baby dust to all  
xXx


----------



## Journey99

Lexi I couldn't imagine having to walk past a sea of bumps everyday. But definitely unsubscribe...they will never know! 

Here's hoping we aren't that obnoxious when it's our turn lol


----------



## ★~Reach4theStarz~★

Ohhhh im going to make sure eveyone knows every step of my pregnancy ...it will be payback time lol!! 

na maybe a few updates here and there and a few piccys but not too much just incase one of my friends are going through what im going through without me knowing dont want to be one of these pg friends that they are trying to avoid

xXx


----------



## Journey99

I think those of us that have been through this will have a little more compassion and class.

The one thing I innocently asked my friends before was "so when you having a baby"... I do NOT ask that anymore!!


----------



## ★~Reach4theStarz~★

I dont ask that either because i hate being asked that question....
Theres someone at work who keeps rubbing my stomach and saying youll be next ...or if im snacking loads at work (comfort eating lol) she says ooo eating for two are we.....

Things like that i just feel like saying..."actaully iv been trying a year and a half and no im not pregnant and i dont know if i can even have kids so p*** off!!!" lol 

Of course this person im talking about is a lovely person and wouldnt want to do anything to hurt anyone and doesnt mean anything by it so i dont have the heart!! 
But it is frustrating when people ask when im going to have kids ...the easiest option is im still young...blah blah blah...


----------



## lou la bell

i just had to reply to this post, i soooo understand.

We are so blessed to have a beautiful daughter, concieved with clomid 6 years ago and have been trying for a sibling for over 3 years now.

When my last IVF failed 14 of my friends were pregnant including both sister in laws and 2 best friends too! 

I also run a childrens day nursery so every day is baby talk and pregnant women and being asked dont you want another one then!!!!!! 

I jus wanted to write to say your feelings are perfectly normal we all feel the same on here too

I hope that everyones dreams really do come true xx


----------



## Vickytick

I found this thread by accident having a little look through as I feel a bit bereft at the moment as I'm half way through the 'wait' for the next cycle. Its funded, which is brillant, but we've got to wait 6 months in between cycles so I feel a bit of an outsider on the forum as I'm not doing anything constructive at the moment.

I agree with you ladies so much. Over the last 2 a bit years I've had so many ' relax and it'll happen' or 'my friend did so and so and is now pregnant/mother of ...' If there was a magic b****y wand then I'd wave it. I actually physically struggle to hold it together in front of new born babies in the shops now and have to walk away otherwise I stare at them like a deranged woman or burst out crying.

My dh ex has a 7 month baby which is a killer as it was a mistake (she'd already fixed a previous mistake the year before!) and had the audacity to tell my dh that we're exaggerating our situation and we know we'll have children..sorry didn't realise she was a doctor oh and yes I thought I'd pump my body full of drugs for the fun of it..

Those of you whom work with kids I don't know how you do it. Sometimes I'd love to just to be able to cuddle a baby but other times it would be too hard. *Lexi* that is a big in your face reminder everyday - respect to you for not crumbling..

Its true this site helps ladies like us feel 'normal' but I get so upset that there are so many of us in the first place..
xx


----------



## the_tempress89

i dont know if this topic still gets posted on, but i know exactly what everyone means. it seems everytime i go out the door theres buggys and bumps and oooh and ahhhs and none directed at me! its so frustrating and upsetting. even today my 13 year old neice was telling me a girl in her class at school is  4 months pg! not only that but her high school has a nursery for the teen mums to leave their children during school hours. dont get me wrong im saying nothing against their parenting i knwo some amazing young mums but really, 13 and pregnant! hearing that made me feel even more in despair. why is it, we change our ENTIRE lives to start trying, and so many people out there smoke drin do drugs, and dont care and yet they fall pregnant, yet we try everything ( ok granted i smoke, but i have cut down majorly and im going out for the first time in quite a while in a couple of weeks) but it seems to me, the less woman and girls try the easier it happens. should i just stop tryinng have a string of meaningless one night stands and maybe then i will get my bfp. ( no im not really going to do this bt u know what i mean) im so sick of it


----------



## Amerah

UUrrrrghhh I feel this way too !! Sometimes I think im turning into an evil person coz of the selfish thoughts that go through my head! Yesterday one of my husbands mates gf announced shes pregnant with her 2nd. I couldnt hide the upset from my face, why are they getting two and i cant even get 1  Ive done everything right, Ive waited untill I have a good career, bought my own house, saved up money, got married, been with husband 5 years, took birth control all through my teens etc, yet i cant get pregnant and u get these dirty lowlife drug addicts who spit a kid out every year so they can increase their benefit money!! Makes me sick!! Im turning into a very bitter young woman and i hate it! I just want the simple things in life, i want good health, i want my hubby to be happy, my family to be well and i want a child of my own, is that so much to ask?? xx


----------



## the_tempress89

hi amerah, 

ur post makes me very sad, because i know exactly how you feel, i feel the exact same way. very recently my sister ( who is gay) admitted that her and her gf desparatly want a child. all i could think was noooooooo you cant have one before me you just cant!! that would be completely unfair. but knowing my luck that is exactly what is going to happen. my biological mother was the same, there is only 3 years betwen my sister and i, but there is 11 between my brother and i. it was her second family, although i was no where near old enough back then i recently thought about how, it wasnt fair, she wasnt even with the father he wa someone elses man and she still got a baby,. sometimes i feel like im being punished, though i dont knwo why.


----------



## Vickytick

Ladies I think the whole process turns us into bitter, twisted people. I can't help but think horrible thoughts about people who manage to get pg naturally and very quickly - ' oh we were only trying for a month' brigade. It makes me so angry and yes I do get upset that I'm being penalised for waiting until I met someone and fell in love not get pg after a one night stand with someone whose name I can't even remember.

Christmas is going to be worse as I m/c at 12 weeks on Christmas Eve last year so definitely not looking forward to that. Cute babies in adverts etc. On top of that the waiting for the next cycle is killing me at the moment. I'm starting to find it really really tough and just want to get on with it now.

I really hope that we all get what we want but for me I'm really starting to doubt it'll ever happen. How long can be put ourselves through this. My entire life has been turned upside down over the last 2 1/2 years and put on hold with nothing to show for it but failed IVF or pg. Its not a way to live life at all.

x


----------



## Ella101

Been reading through a few threads today non this, made me feel a lot better to know so many people feel the way I do.

Truly had enough of all the waiting, sick of constant baby updates on ******** to social occasions too - in my face constantly!

In fact I just took a quick look at my email while I was on this & have another email from a friend who feels the need to send me yet another scan picture that was taken today! Already had the first one a couple of weeks ago (after she knew I had only miscarried myself & how difficult ttc has been as well!).
So fed up with people, I almost feel sometimes that they like to see how painful it is for me!!! I hate myself for it though as I start to feel bitter, but it's very hard..

I do the so happy for you bit & ask all the right things, like how are you feeling & oh it's so exciting etc etc etc.. But if I get another bl**dy scan picture I'll scream!!!!!!
People just need to back off a bit & give you a little space when you're going through all this, I'm not asking for them to not mention it at all or of course be joyful, but why oh why do I want all the details constantly as if they are the first & only person to ever have a baby!

Sorry, rant over but it has thoroughly ruined what was a positive day so far....

Good luck to all the ladies here, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed there's happy news for us all soon


----------



## Petunia

Hi Ella, 


I hope you dont mind me saying, but what a horrible thing for your friend to do, that has completely stunned me. I cant believe anyone would be so utterly heartless. well done you for not screaming already, I know I would have in your shoes. I hate seeing scan pics etc on **, but to email them is totally out of order.   


I really hope its your turn soon x


----------



## Ella101

Thank you Petunia, it really helped a lot to vent it out on here, was so angry earlier!! 
Comforting to know others here understand how difficult it is to be in this situation & how hard you have to work at still holding it together & not taking it out on others.. However it is very difficult when all you feel is complete insensitivity from others around you!
I felt it was selfish of her, she knows how I feel & has just seemed to drop all the information I have given & confided in her with. I just felt she wanted me to be envious which was another reason as to why it made me angry.. Maybe just me & my hormones right now!

Anyway no need for it & I'm sure we're all so fed up with seeing scan pictures, it's like an epidemic right now!! 

Thanks again & best of luck to you too (keep telling myself that the best things come to those who wait - such a well known saying means it has to be true!!!)

x  x


----------



## Hope2005

Hi Ladies


I also ask myself this question - why everyone else is pregnant but me.


I had a neighbor next door to me - pregnant and smoking at the same time. She looked like she was taking drugs too and lots of junk food. She had like 3 other kids before the age of 21. Why why why? why give so many kids to these women who dont respect their bodies nor their children they are carrying/having. 


I put my body into 0km condition and still is not working. 

Is life fair?


Feeling so sad when I think about it.  


Hope x


----------



## Kitty71

Hi girls,

I'm currently staying with my PILs saving for a deposit and their next door neighbour not only smoked when pregnant but smoked dope!!! She's about 20 and this was baby number 3. I was so incensed I actually filmed her doing it and was going to send it off to social services. Not that they would have done anything, but it was child abuse in my eyes.

There's me having tx and back to back misscarriages and she pops them out like smarties and yells at them so badly it makes me cry   .

And don't mention christmas and the imminent royal baby announcement.

Hang in there girls


----------



## Vickytick

Its a living nightmare. 

I refuse to have one sil around our house. She never took the folic acid, vitamins, ate junk food and generally led a very poor lifestyle the whole way through her 1st pg. Now she spends her life living off the govt - she gets carers allowance for a child with a cleft palate ?!  but he goes to normal school and lives a perfectly normal lifestyle - there is nothing wrong with him bar looking slightly different (its been fixed). I had a cleft palate (result of being a twin) and my parents never got anything. She spends her life bemoaning how hard done by she is but shouts like a banshee at the kids, even swearing, clearly favouritises the girl making comments about her son on **. He has behavioural issues but we truly believe its because she shows him no love and affection so he is naughty to get attention. She tells him he is disabled (which he is not) making him think he is different.

I've done everything given up alcohol, even dh has, caffeine, work to limit stress and still we cannot get pg. I have only two more fresh goes of IVF unless I get more eggs in which case I'll get 2 fet as well. Its tough as I'm starting to think it'll never happen and that scares me. I so desperately want to be have a full term pg to see a bump and feel the baby inside me but I'm worried how I'll cope if it never does....

I think Xmas will be worse than anything with all the adverts etc but I'm just going to limit the amount of time I spend in public - sad but true. 

Take care
x


----------



## ★~Reach4theStarz~★

Hi girls,

Its so heart breaking to read all the stories of sadness we all have to cope with on a day to day basis.
I am due my laparoscopy on monday...getting closer   and ive been having up and down days since it was arranged for me to have one in september!. 
Today im having a bit of a down day....everyday seems to be a reminder that everyone around me is getting pregnant and no matter what i do i dont!!...makes me wonder whether someting is wrong but ill soon find out on monday.  

I hate it when i see pregnant women smoking i think its selfish and disgraceful!! I have given up smoking and drinking in desperate measures to get pg so if i can do pg women can do it for the sake of the life thats growing insde them. 

baby dust to all 
xXx


----------



## the_tempress89

not posted in here in a bit, but feel the need to now, as if it wasnt bad enough that everytime i walk down the street or turn on my computer theres a bump and a pg story and a baby, but now there is a new baby coming into my own family. my uncles partner announced on ** yesterday that she is expecting baby number 2, now of course im happy for them, im going to have another little cousin, but oh i cried, it was like a knife being pushed into my chest. i just couldnt believe it when i realised that i hated her for it, this poor woman who knows nothing of my struggle who is only sharing the joy of her family expanding, and i find myself hating her for it. i feel like such a ***** for it. have recently taken a couple of months back from ttc, to let my body and my mind rest a bit, so hopefully in the next couple of days my dp and i can get bacck to it, and maybe it will be my news next, afterall they say babies come in threes. ( well my mum does anyway ) lol. 

hope your all managing to cope with the sudden rise in pg's and keep the faith and hope alive in your souls that one day it will be you  

love always xxx


----------



## NatalieP

Just been reading through all these posts and completely understand, DH and I have been trying since May 09 with no luck. 

My best friend got pregnant by mistake and cried down the phone at me asking what she was going to do, she now has a beautiful little boy but that broke my heart and when I met him I just sat there crying with him in my arms. 

My SIL has just had her second ( we started trying three months after she had her first) baby the christening was last Sunday and my DH and I kept getting when is it your turn come on you have been married a few years now. Feels like a knife has been twisted in my gut when asked that. 

I work with heroin addicts and have two of them pregnant and a lot with kids in care. I don't get how you can get pregnant while been on heroin! And looking a babies well I just have to walk away otherwise I feel like I will just cry. 

But I guess if you have never had to struggle to get pregnant and it just comes naturally to you then you won't understand what others are going through, ** is a nightmare with announcements, scans etc but my motto at the moment is good things come to those who wait. 

The_temptress89   and   to all.

Nat xxx


----------



## Ella101

It is so hard for all of us to watch people who just don't seem to appreciate motherhood that much & not taking care of themselves during pregnancy etc..
Natalie, that must be so hard for you dealing with heroin addicts with all of this, one of my friends is in a similar position & has found it very difficult, I really don't know how she copes!

Just yesterday I popped up to tesco after work & there was this girl walking in front of me with her buggy, as I walked past the little baby (must have been about 18mths) started clapping her hand & getting excited about going into the shop. The girl started shouting at her & leaned over squawking into the buggy 'what are you clapping your hands for, what are you moving about for - weirdo!!!" I nearly burst into tears on the spot, actually stopped & looked at her thinking  'are you actually being serious!?'.
The little baby stopped obviously & looked confused, I actually have a lump in my throat even writing this, imagine calling your baby a weirdo for clapping their hands & getting excited!!!  Poor wee thing....can't stop thinking about it..

The_temptress89, I like your way of thinking that pregnancies come in threes & if they do then it's my turn too!! Anyway really hope all of us have our turn very soon. Good luck to all xxxx


----------



## NatalieP

Ella101, that's horrible that poor child think I would have cried on the spot!  

I remember thinking that pregnancy's come in three's found out about 2 people then the third who were all pregnant then a further 3 got pregnant too, I was heartbroken thinking I should have been one of those women so please don't pin your hopes on that too much, from someone who has been there.



Nat xx


----------



## Hope2005

Hi Natalie


I dont get it myself- how a drug addict can become pregnant? Not only they eat junk food, or nothing at all . So how can they support a pregnancy? 


I still believe this is a cruel world. 


The bad always get away, the good ones always suffers.


Hope


----------



## NatalieP

@Hope2005

I am not sure, and your right it doesn't seem fair but we just have to keep plodding on and as your name says have hope.

Nat xx


----------



## Hope2005

I hate asking myself questions (eg, why others and not me).  


How can I stop doing this?


----------



## Vickytick

*Hope2005* - in a nutshell you can't. I've had so many people tell me I can't think like that and negativity will mean that the IVF will not work, I have to stay  blah blah blah - all by people that are not going through this. I try so hard to be  and be happy for those who only need to look at a male to get pg but I'm sorry I can't. It takes a very very strong person to be able to do that and I admire those who can but its just not me. I'm nearly 38 and I've been doing this for nearly 2 1/2 years and I've had enough of the drugs, uncertainities, emotional highs and lows and the physical pain. And yet we have to believe that our time will come as the alternative is too hard to even contemplate.....

Love and hugs to everyone.  

xx


----------



## ★~Reach4theStarz~★

Hi girls,

Just thought i would keep you updated, i had my laparoscopy and dye yesterday, being the first time i have ever had a operation and general anasthetic. Well some good news!! no tubes blocked which is great so now waiting for a follow up appointment in a months time to discuss the next step.

For those who are going through the same and not had G.A before etc....the thought and waiting is worse than the actual procedure. They had rihanna we found love playing as i came too and i started singing to it while still out of it which made the nurse chuckle   

Hope you are all well keep the chins up!!  

baby dust to all 
xXx


----------



## NatalieP

Hey reach4thestarz

I am glad your lap and dye went well and they found no blocked tubes  

I love that you where singing along to rihanna that made me chuckle too!

xxx


----------



## Vickytick

reach4thestarz - That's great news - onwards and upwards now then...


----------



## ★~Reach4theStarz~★

thanks girls!!

haha yea classic moment...trust me to do that...always singing along to songs i love...even if i cant sing lol

just have to wait and see for the next step...argh so much waiting involved!!


----------



## Hope2005

Hi ladies!

The Dr never checked my tubes and I was wondering who do I need to see regarding this. I had chlamydia in the past and I know this can affect the tubes. Do I need to see a gynaecologist or is it done straight from my own GP (a referral).


Kind regards
Hope x


----------



## Lexi2011

Hi Hope, 

You need to speak to your consultant about your tubes, you can have a laparoscopy on the NHS (may take a while) or privately - which will tell you one way or another if there is a problem with your tubes. 

Did your consultant not ask you about chlamydia when they did your investigations? 

hope you're doing ok honey? I think we were on the same cycle thread - PP's? I'm on the 2ww at the mo and its killing me  

I have vented a few times on this thread which has been great to let off steam xx


----------



## Hope2005

HI Lexi2011

Thanks for responding. Yes I was on the same cycle thread,  2ww waiting, well done for reaching that far, you made it, be proud and happy.  I will die to be in your position  , just that feeling that you could be pregnant, must be an amazing feeling.

I didn't stimulate at all, so I am worry about my future now and whether I will ever get pregnant.  I will see gynecologist soon and talk to him seriously about possible checking my tubes. I had clamydia in 1998 and I was treated but they are saying that it can cause scaring on your tubes. 

My cycle starts next year - trying to lose more weight and control my emotions (which is not easy   ) Thats why I am here most of the time, but I dont know whether this is doing me any good

Hope everything is going well, and lets hope for a BFP    for you soon

Love
Hope xx


----------



## NatalieP

Hey girls,

Finding today rather hard with the everyone else been pregnant and me not. Sigh, feel like my heart breaks every time I see a baby bump.



xx


----------



## Ella101

Hey Natalie,

I know, it feels so difficult at times doesn't it, and of course bumps are everywhere when you feel this way!

I just feel that every month that goes past & af arrives a little piece of me just breaks away, leaving less & less hope....on the 2ww again...

Also you were so right the other day there when you said don't pin your hopes on pregnancies all coming in 3's, just had another announcement at the start of the week.. Although I have to say I'm so happy for her, she like me has had such a hard time of it & so want everything to go well this time around (a happy ending to her story!). However of course it stabs in your heart a bit as all you want is for it to be you one day....

So that is 2 sets of 3 now, 6 friends/family members all pregnant right now!  God I'm so fed up of it all.......

Again wishing us all the luck in the world, let's hope it's our turn soon xx


----------



## NatalieP

Thanks Ella101

I know what its like having 6 people pregnant around you.   

Thanks for the reply was just having a bad day yesterday trying to be more positive today though.

xxx


----------



## Hope2005

Hi ladies

Interesting question. 

How do I get pregnant naturally with low sperm..anything I could do in the meantime? I am trying putting my legs up for 30 minutes...any other ideas?

I am seeing and hearing lots of women become pregnant after IVF. 

As for anyone else who is pregnant...well I am thankful that winter is coming soon..so I don't see many bumps around. 

Hope x


----------



## Ella101

Hi Hope2005,

I've heard that lying on your tummy afterwards with your pelvis raised slightly & a pillow/cushion underneath is a good idea, as lying that way puts your cervix in a good position to help the little swimmers along. How effective it is I'm not sure but I've been giving it a go!! 

I've also been taking red raspberry & red clover, both herbs are supposed to be great at helping women conceive, they help strengthen the uterine wall for implantation as well as creating a really sperm friendly environment (so I hear!) I bought them at Holland & Barrat & have been taking them this month (red raspberry for the first 14 days of your cycle only & red clover all month). 
Preseed etc are really good at helping sperm along too..

Hope that helps x


----------



## NatalieP

hey Hope

I used to put some pillows under me to lift me up and to try and encourage them down to my womb. 

I put my DH on wellmans conception, he quit smoking, cut down on the drinking, kept his mobile out of his front pocket and put a cushion between the laptop and his knee, he wears lose boxers and doesn't have hot baths anymore. After doing this his spermies improved slightly so it does seem to be doing something.

Nat xx


----------



## Vickytick

I've put my DH on male equivalent of conception vitamins as well. Not sure if it helps as its me with all the probs not him but I'm hoping that it will do something..

Saturday was the worst day for me we went to a coffee shop and seemed to be surrounded by babies even a set of triplets...I was a wreck as I kept crying. I think it was the stimms drugs that made me so weepy but everyone around must have thought I was mad.

I struggle with seeing Posh the most because my baby would've been due the same time as Harper so I can't help but look at her baby and think that should be me with a 4 month year old. It feels like a kick in the gut.

Ironically what got me yesterday was finding out Chantelle Houghton and Alex Reid were having a baby it really upset me. They've hardly been together five mins.

Lots of women do fall naturally after a cycle of IVF perhaps due to the increased in hormones and the idea that your body is more open to a pg Either way it can only be a good thing and wish it happened to spare more of us the heartache of drugs, injections, EC and the dreaded 2WW..

 to all you lovely ladies out there. OUR TIME WILL COME. xxxx


----------



## Hope2005

Hi Ladies


Ella101 and NatalieP -thank you for your suggestions ,I will do what you were suggesting. Hope it helps. 


About Chantelle saying that she was having fertility issues, I just think its all for publicity. The woman is now pregnant, so I don't know how can she be infertile. I don't know why these people are even famous. This is what I don't get it. sorry I really dislike them. Always crying but always getting what they want. 


Ditto


Hope xx


----------



## ratz

This is a great thread - may I join you for a whinge? Glad I'm not imagining pregnant women & kids everywhere, they really are everywhere! My top irrational rage triggers (in no particular order):
* People bringing kids into the ACU. For heaven's sake, doesn't it dawn on them that those of us who haven't managed even one might find this upsetting? 
* The ACU's photo board of babies. No, it doesn't make me feel hopeful - perhaps it did on my first attempt, but not on the 2nd, 3rd or 4th.
* A (now ex) friend - her IVF worked first time in 2007, great for her, but her attitude to the fact that I didn't go and visit her a lot, coupled with her rotten husband DARING to have a go at me for not doing so (this was during a phone call where I was discussing making a surprise visit for her 40th in 2009) still makes my blood boil. Haven't seen her since her daughter was 3 weeks old - that was Dec 2007 - and have no plans for doing so. If she was so keen to see me. I live as far from her as she does from me!!
* Another friend who also got a hit first time - was most unamused to be surprised on a visit in May this year with the news that she was having twins. She knew I'd been ICSI-ing for 4 years, a little warning before I heard it in a group would have been nice. I avoid ** because I know she updates on it.
*Hospital staff telling me to think positive. If that's all it takes, WHY AM I PAYING YOU A FORTUNE TO LIE ON A BED IN AN ACU WITH MY LEGS IN THE AIR??!!
* My girlfriends constantly talking about their kids' schooling. Seriously, 6 women round a table and that's all 5 of them can find to talk about? They don't all know about my various attempts, but they do all know I don't have kids. At the least might they not think people without kids would find this tedious?

That's better, temporarily at least! Going to a christening this w/e, but hoping not to dissolve - am better around natural sprogs than around successful fertility Tx ones - less jealous, I guess, because never had a prayer of natural pg. 

Thanks for listening, happy to return the favour whenever required. Ratz x.


----------



## Hope2005

Hi again

It is cruel- everything that is happening around me. I am tired of seeing people's life going forward. All I want is a baby. Just one and I will be happy.

*Ratz*, I agree with what you are saying. In my clinic they have a session for children to play. Makes no sense. I agree with what you are saying, they have no consideration for people like us.

I really think that my clinic is more of a business now and I am number ("we talk to you when need to"). They shouldn't charge so much money unless they can guarantee a pregnancy. My Dr cant even give me a reason(s) as to why my cycle didn't work and he is earning a fortune. I don't see any passion from these people at all.

I am sorry for moaning, but I am crying inside with pain.

Hope xx


----------



## ★~Reach4theStarz~★

arghh do not get me started on the chantelle pregnancy....isnt just amazing that she knew she coudnt get pg naturally but had a feeling about taking a test!?!? what a load of bull****!!!

I have actaully avoided getting my hair cut by my hairdresser who is the partner of my DF friend because shes pg and i know she will rub it in as they are like that. Its sad but true that i have become a jealous obsessive person ....lukily my mum used to be a hairdresser so she cut my hair the other day lol!!

My DF and i were going through the argos catalogue to get pressies for his numerous nieces and nephews ranging from 0-8...how i didnt cry flicking through the book i dont know!! 

I do wonder what i might turn into if my failings of becoming pg last for a few years to come ....

oh well i suppose all we can do is carrying on hoping and ranting


----------



## ratz

Hope, I understand - not knowing why it failed is crazy-making. I could have decked my consultant each and every time he's said to me he doesn't know why the cycle failed, and I don't feel much effort is being made to investigate possible reasons. Am intending to get better answers/further investigations when I go back. I don't have many years left to try and solve this situtation.

Don't apologise for moaning - we all need to get stuff off our chests, and there aren't many people who can empathise. If it relieves your stress for even a minute, moan away.   x.


----------



## morgz1981

Glad it's not just me that feels this way. Been trying for 2 years and in that time 5 friends and 3 family members have had babies. It seems so unfair!!!!


----------



## Elizzybeth

Thought this was cute and pretty much true...

http://www.fertilitynation.com/words-that-hurt-people-with-infertility-infographic/

/links


----------



## Journey99

Mini vent...just found out another friend is having their second baby since we started trying! I'm happy for them but it just makes me wonder why I have to have all these problems


----------



## Fikey76

Hiya!

This is my first post (very exciting for me as it's taken a couple of months to work up the courage!)
We have been trying to conceive for nearly 3 years. DH fine but I am not ovulating due to excess weight
and low hormone. Have a large cyst on left ovary and was booked in for removal, lap and dye and drilling
on 9th Jan but has been postponed due to NHS c*ckup  

Have lost 4 stone and want to lose a lot more but at least I am now (just about) eligible for Clomid. Wanted to
join the weight loss group but FF hasn't let me yet!

Anyway, the purpose of this (now rather long) first post was to share my experience. All of my friends, both sister-in-laws
and my mum conceived straight away, no problems. I am often asked the dreaded question "when will you have kids" and now
I am honest and say I am trying and hopefully soon. As a teacher it saddens me to see how many children and young adults (I'm
a secondary teacher) are neglected by their parents and it gets me mad to think that I would be a great mum but its just not
happening for me. ** frustrates me and when I get my BFP I shall not be plastering my wall full of pics and updates out of respect
for those who are TTC and are having difficulties.

Okey dokey, post over (finally!)

Good luck to all those TTC and I hope 2012 is our year!


----------



## vixc2000

Hi Fikey76, welcome! I tend to be a lurker myself, usually reading posts for support and reassurance that I'm not a nutcase for feeling the way I do. The peeps on here are amazing and the support offered keeps you going when times are hard. Well done with the weight loss, that's fantastic. And completely agree about how frustrating it is with ** and general day to day living. I work at a hospital and it makes me furious when I see a heavily pregnant young girl outside smoking and drinking a red bull!!! I just wanna go up to them and scream 'seriously?!'

My DH and I have been TTC for over 3 years, we're currently waiting for our 1st appointment at BCRM at the end of Jan to go through IVF, we've already done clomid and IUI with unfortunately no success. 

Close friends and most family know what we are going through yet the comments and ** statuses are unbearable sometimes. I can easily forgive those who don't know our situation as they're obviously excited about their situation, but when people do know, that's another story. 

In the time we've been TTC my younger sister has had 2 babies, (she has 3 in total, one was born before DH and I got married). The hell I've been through on ** due to her was ridiculous! My close friends (who knew my situation) used to joke about 'who needs enemies when u have a sister like that!' She constantly had scan pics as her profile, every status was about her being pregnant, she even used to comment on my friends statuses when they would announce a pregnancy she would put 'oh you'll love being a mum, it's the best thing ever'.   So, I removed her as a friend as I was literally getting depression having to read the onslaught every day. Obviously my family thought I was being awful towards her and couldn't see it from my point of view at all. Then she proceeds to smoke through her entire pregnancy, (but wouldn't eat prawns if someone offered her one because of the baby!!).  Her and her husband have a very rocky relationship, they have no control over their eldest son, show a complete lack of discipline with the kids and I find the whole thing so frustrating as I know my DH and I would be do much better, but we're being denied the opportunity.  

Another friend (who knows about us TTC) at work has just last week announced she's pregnant (after only trying for a few months), and I'm already getting all the comments from her about how gutted she is that she can't eat Brie, or drink at Xmas.   (if only I couldn't eat cheese or drink at Xmas). She was also saying about how work would react/cope next year with her having time off due to maternity, and I said hopefully they'll be 2 of us, so she replies with 'omg, are you pregnant too?!'. I had to be so strong to just say no, but I'm hoping I will be soon. The way she told me she was pregnant was by showing me her positive preg test, 'I'm presuming that's yours? Congrats' was all I could muster, rather than 'oh, that's what a positive one looks like, cheers for clarifying!'

Anyhoo, rant over, yes EVERYONE seems to be preggers at the mo, and my copage is pretty much rock bottom. I just soooooo want a child...  

Sorry for the war and peace, I wish everyone tons of baby dust and have a feeling 2012 is going to be our year!! Good luck all

Lots of love

Vix

Xxxxxx


----------



## ★~Reach4theStarz~★

welcome all newbies!!!

vix...i also work in a hospital and the amount of girls iv seen smoking while pregnant!! arggghhh. it should be illegal!!

woke up feeling down yesturday..part of it could of been hangover and cold symptoms!! but always feel down after xmas...and can you believe it i popped out to the shops and i saw 3 heavily pregnant women...pretty much one after another....you just cant avoid it!! 

my DF sister is due her baby in a couple of weeks so thats going to be interesting...around about the time i have my follow up appointment from my laparoscopy i had in november...life is so cruel sometimes. 

sometimes i feel like i dont want to leave the house so i can avoid the situation!!

someone at work who is pg asked me the other day if i was trying i said no she replied "oh i want to see you pregnant!!" ....if only i was!! sometimes i think i should tell people we are trying maybe they would be supportive but on the other hand i think i would get alot of stick as i am 21....."your too young" is what i would hear on a regular basis.

bring on 2012!!! baby dust and positive thinking everyone!

xxx


----------



## Vickytick

Welcome to the newbies rant away a good moan or b**ch is cathartic- well I think so.

Unfortunately crass insensitive people are par of the fertility course. I just tell people now that I can't have child and if they probe I'll say I'm doing IVF. I was just sick of all the comments or questions and frankly I'm not ashamed of needing help. Its amazing how many women are in our situation. Last year 45,000 women had IVF..

Its awful when its close family and I'm lucky I haven't got that so I totally admire you girlies who handle that. I'm not sure I could. Too selfish, bitter and twisted I think. A friend of my DH, who ttc for 2 yrs,  had her baby on Christmas Day and we might be going to see him on Monday which will be scary I've not seen a new born up close since my youngest 6 yr old niece was born. At 37 everyone we know has had their kids.

I had a huge row with my mum yesterday as I wanted a day hidden from the world and was being obstinate. She told me it was not normal behaviour and I needed help. I just said look on this website my behaviour for someone going through ttc is totally normal. We get resentful, have up and down days but she can't see it.

Hopefully 2012 will be our year or at least we'll make inroads with our treatment. Fikey76 congrats on losing 4 stone. 

 to all.

x


----------



## ★~Reach4theStarz~★

thats why im so glad i found this site!! its so good to know you are not alone and the way you act is normal...because you start to loose yourself and change as a person...i wasnt liking how i became...bitter and jealous!! 

now i see its ok to feel like that and it actually reduced that feeling as i knew it wasnt just me as a horrible person.

sometimes i have really bad days and i dont even think my DF understands why im like it as he just seems to take it quite well....like today dreaded AF appeared   and i feel crappy and i said to the DF who just shrugged it off but thats probably just men for you!! 

anyway ladies baby dust to all take care xxx


----------



## Fikey76

TTC is so hard. I always expected that when I met the right person and wanted to start a family that I would, no hassles or problems. The 4 stone has been very hard though I lost 4lb over the last 2 weeks (v proud considering the amount of trifle I ate on Christmas day!) but my philosophy is if you want something that bad then you do everything you can to achieve it. Having a baby is more important to me than having cake or pizza or anything unhealthy. DH has been very supportive which is great.

Have a family get-together on New Years Day and I know my SiL will be asking lots of questions. She means well but I do find it tough.

Anyway, I'm full of cold so we are having a film day - nice to relax!

Happy New Year to everyone x


----------



## NatalieP

Hello Ladies

Sorry I haven't been around in a while Dh and I found out we need ICSI which is a bit sad but not unexpected.

How are we doing on everyone around us being pregnant?

Just found out a friend of ours had a little boy this morning while I am happy for them the green eyed monster is lurking some where. Spent Christmas with my SIL and her two loved it but my heart hurt so much at times, cried my eyes out Christmas eve wishing I could be pregnant or about to spend Christmas with my child happy and excited.

Nat xx


----------



## confused123

so glad i found this post!!
2011 has brought me a miscarriage and a cancelled cycle of IVF, in the mean time 2 cousins, SIL, 4 friends have gotten pregnant. Today i went for coffee to hear another announcement.  DH says little and to be honest I feel totally alone and breathtakingly sad

People do care but no one understands unless they have been down this road. Wish i could disappear as i am so sad to face another year of treatment and not sure i can cope with another disappointment  on the brink of IVF again (collect drugs next week) and want to be positive, comments such as be positive drive me mad as i managed to smile my way through Xmas as not to appear sad.  but keeping my dreams close as i have to hope.


----------



## NatalieP

confused123         

It's hard when everyone around is pregnant, I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage and your cancelled cycle. 

Your strong if you weren't then you wouldn't have got through last year, I guess the only thing you and we all can do is think of 2012 as a fresh start a new page in the book and try to face it with a smile no matter how small. 

Nat xxx


----------



## Emily1971

Everywhere i go you can guarantee ill be the one standing next to the pregnant woman.  Going to work on the train im always sitting next to someone with their baby on board badge.  Work, sitting next to 2 pregnant women, partners 2 brothers girlfriends both pregnant.  I dont know how id cope working in a nursery though that must be tough.  xxx


----------



## KittyKatH

Hi all,

I'm new online today, and still not sure this will come out as anything other than a rant but as I sit here reading all your posts it fills me with hope that there are people out there who understand.

DH and I have been TTC for 3 years now - we tried for a year naturally, but I had irregular periods so thought we'd check it out with doctors. They said we should start treatment, couldn't put their finger on what was wrong with tests but I didn't show as ovulating. Took clomid for 6 months, two diff doses with no effect either time. During all this time other stresses were going on - my father died from early onset dementia, even just six months of treatment put such a strain on marriage that we stopped treatment. Dh and I couldn't face more disappointment and more heartache so are left not knowing what to do. Still trying, still loving each other, still hoping but it's a hope which seems to dwindle with each month and each negative test.

My sister got married Christmas last year and immediately conceived, she's been through so much too and I just wish her every happiness but it hurts like a knife in me. Seeing my beautiful neice, seeing how happy everyone is. My mum lives with sister and her husband so it feels like I'm looking through glass at what I wanted out of life. I really do try to be optimistic and happy - try to listen to everyone else's troubles, and be there for people, but I find my patience wearing thin and wondering what went wrong. I have always tried to be a nice person and a helpful one, I feel so guilty at the anger and bitterness and resentment I feel towards the world. Have started to make enquiries again into more treatment, whether there's anywhere DH and I could go privately and just go slowly but don't want to lose him if it all gets too much again. Not sure what to do for the best and feel backed into a corner.

Seeing other people is so hard, even friends who know my situation have said they're suprised we haven't gone for more treatment, and why don't we try harder. It feels sometimes like I'm crawling through life, not even just putting one foot infront of the other but literally crawling inch by inch. I love my friends very much - I try to think that they can't all understand and that it's just a blessing that they don't have to go through this (as I wouldn't wish it on them) too, but it hurts so much that others judge. That whatever I have tried to do just doesn't seem enough to some people. Looking on the internet has been hard too as there are so many stories of people who have done years of IVF and it all feels like I've not tried hard enough. I'm sorry that this really has turned into a rant but I just wondered if anyone felt the same. I could really do with some understanding at the moment...

Much love to all and so much luck and love and baby dust! You all deserve so many good things in life and I just know that you'll all get through it. Big hugs       xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## heavenly

And when you get to my age, all of your friends and siblings have kids!    My best friend TTC for 2 years and had her daughter a year ago (she is 43).  My younger sis had her son when she was 40.  I thought I wasn't going to be the odd one out having my best friend and my younger sis for company...but I am definitely the odd one out now!  I always put a brave face on it though but if we go down the ICSI route, I am not going to put a brave face on it anymore, I could do with all the support I can get!!!


----------



## Ella101

Hi KittyKatH, 

Just thought I'd say hello, I totally sympathise as it is one of the hardest things to come to terms with & watching others have what you feel is your god given right come so easy to them doesn't make things any easier either!!

People are very insensitive without even realising & I have spent the last 2 years in a rage at many of them! I'm trying to move on now, we're starting IVF shortly so trying very hard to be positive about that & find some light at the end of the tunnel.

IVF isn't that straight forward & I hated it too when people said  'oh can you not just pay for IVF?!', like ok I'll just write a cheque for £5k plus right now! It's also the emotional aspect of it as well of course, a big thing to put your body through...

Don't feel guilty about being angry right now, it's just a stage you need to go through to get out the other side. I would recommend that when you feel ready this year start looking into the possibility of IVF, then once you get there just take it a step at a time.. Well that's what I'm doing, hoping that the end of the year will bring what we have wanted for so long as a result..

Good luck & you know you can always get it all out your system on here when things get you down xx


----------



## heavenly

A female rep came into work today, she is really nice, we were talking about my birthday coming up (I will be 46 next week) and I told her that my OH is 35.  She asked me why my OH didn't want kids.  She wasn't being horrible, she is really nice, but just assumed that we didn't want them, or that he might have, but I didn't.I didn't really know what I was going to answer, but luckily my phone went then I changed the subject.

Some people just don't think, do they!!


----------



## Hope2005

Why bad people have kids...some people dont have any ambitions , have 3-5 kids and never ever take them anywhere nice (speaking from close relations). I have a wonderful idea , to take them places, see the world, dress them with the best clothes, take them to a good school, meet the best people, read them books, feed them well, etc


I am a good person, and I deserve a kid. I have everything I need...all I need is a child to give these things. I dont worry about myself, all I want is to give what I have to the child. 


Feeling so down   why give 2-5 kids to one woman and not even one for me ?


Why me is the question?


----------



## confused123

feel the same hope 
have been feeling the same why me? 

as the song says i am waiting for my real life to begin


----------



## Hope2005

Me too confused123   


I am so upset -will never understand why was I left not to have kids in this life. 


Time will tell.


Hope xx


----------



## clanix

It's helping me to know there are other people who feel the same as me.  i've been ttc for years while everyone around me is having babies.  i'm suffering from depression because of it, it's affected my whole life really badly.

clanix


----------



## Hope2005

I know what you mean, it is a 24/7 job (you cant stop but think about it).


Going out there it's hard, what you see sometimes makes you think " why me".


----------



## ★~Reach4theStarz~★

well girls last night me and my DF had the dreaded invite to his friends house ....whos got a 2 week old baby.

Im not going to lie i had knots in my stomach ...i had visions of me just ending up in a blubbering mess!!

When we turned up it was very akward and uncomfortable and we were both clock watching as we only wanted to be there an hour and leave at 8:30. 

Then i got asked THE question the one i was avoiding...."do you want a cuddle"...well you can hardly say no...

so she passed me the baby....and to my shock horror...i didnt feel akward or upset but just so happy and comfortable and it felt so natural that i didnt want to give him back !! 

Its just made me want a baby sooo much more and know i am destined to be a mummy!! 

anyways just wanted to share that with everyone 

baby dust to all 
xxx


----------



## pau

Hi everyone,

Today it has been a very bad day. I found out that not one but two very good friends of mine are expecting!! I feel awful, an not because they are pregnant, but because of my thoughts about them being pregnant. I should be happy for them, but I can't and that makes me feel like the worst person in the world. "Why them?" "Why not me?" "What am I doing wrong?" "Why do I have to go though all this when other people don't?" It is in my mind 24/7 and I feel I am loosing it and going crazy.


----------

