# As if I didn't have enough to worry about....



## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Dear Singlies, 

Apologies in advance for "very" me post, but just need to get this out and no-one else I can say it to (for reasons which will become obvious....)

So, bit of a long story but there's this guy at work and we get on very well, always have done. He's married, with 2 children, one of whom was born premature and is physically disabled. I've met his wife and kids several times etc. There has always been an attraction between us but nothing was ever said or acted on. A couple of years back (we've known eachother/worked together for almost 6 years now) after a work night out, he finally did speak about it, told me how he felt about me etc. I basically said I felt the same but there was no way I was having an affair - partly because I deserve much better than that, and partly because I just couldn't do that to his wife and kids. So we left it there, agreed to be colleagues and nothing more. Was a bit tricky for a while, but gradually settled down and all was well. 

Then in recent months things started getting a bit difficult again - just things he was saying etc...lots of flirtatious comments and so on. 
This evening (we're on a business trip together at the moment) he brings it up again...telling me that he thinks about me a lot, wants to kiss me etc etc. I have taken the same line as before and said there's no way I'm having an affair and since he's clearly not proposing to leave his wife then that's that and he needs to get a grip. 

And now I just feel very very sad, and very very angry. Sad because I really like him and I just wish things were different (ie that he wasn't married) and angry because he's brought it all up again and now I am the one who has to deal with it whilst he goes back to his family and has the perfect family life (the one thing that I want more than anything - AND he knows that because he knows all about the ttc...we talk about a lot of stuff...probably wrongly I guess....)

And part of me just wonders if I should have thrown caution to the winds and just let him kiss me. I know it would be horribly wrong, and cause so much hurt to everyone, and stuff up work as well (we work in the same team so very hard to avoid eachother) so obviously it would be utter madness. But there's a small part of me that just thinks, 'why am I always so bloody sensible when all it does it make me miserable?'

So here I am not able to sleep for thinking about it all. Tomorrow LWC are supposed to call re how many eggs donor produces and I can't even think about that at all because my mind is all stuck on this stupid situation instead. And it's just so unfair of him. And I can't believe I was so nice about it and said it was all fine, and I was fine. When I'm not - at all. Why didn't I just get angry with him instead of sitting here now feeling angry and not being able to do anything about it (and he's probably having a lovely chat with his wife back home...)

Sorry, sorry, I know there's no point going on about it. Just needed to get it out. 

Hugs appreciated, I know there's nothing anyone can actually say or do to make it better....
Suitcase
x


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

Suity, he needs a kick up the  , the selfish ******.     Sorry, I know he's a friend, but he's clearly only thinking of his own personal selfish needs, not yours and nor his wife or family's.  

Sending you lots of     - there is someone far more deserving out there for you hun, who won't constantly put his own wants in front of your needs.

A-Mx


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## acrazywench (Jul 26, 2009)

Suity, you're completely right to listen to your head, if you did anything else you would get hurt. He's being incredibly selfish and you deserve much better than he's offering. 

I hope you're able to get some sleep and that tomorrow you get fab news from LWC. 

Sending you lots of   


xx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Suity he doesn't sound such a great guy wanting his cake and eating it!!  If he brings it up maybe say to him that he makes you feel uncomfortable you have moved on, not intersested you have your own life to lead and he has his family and should be grateful, ( or would his wife like to know). Maybe say to him your felt disappointed how he behaved inappropriately to you and had no condideration for your feelings and don't want a repeat of it, you thought that you had both moved on.

I really hope that your donor does well tomorrow
L x


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## winky77 (Nov 27, 2007)

Suity.....it just all makes me feel sad too.....it is always sad when two people have an attraction but circumstances get in the way.  it's obviously not just an opportunist flirt cos you're in a hotel tonight....it's been going on much longer than that i know .....and he has respected your stance on it before..... I do agree his timing this week is pretty thoughtless tho...but also imagine you were looking even more irresistable than usual with your size 12 jeans!!  still doesnt make his behaviour right tho....

dont blame you for feeling sad and angry....and also that almost wishing you'd indulged a bit with a sod the consequences attitude.....we've prob all got one or two examples of doing that! .....but then when you have to work together afterwards it is a nightmare....being sensible is less thrilling but is the right thing to do! 

..Winky


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## Fraggles (Jul 3, 2009)

Gee everyone is so wise.

Suity   I can so identify with the getting frustrated with yourself for always actually acting responsibly rather than throwing caution with the wind. Sometimes a bit of a rush and excitement is thrilling.

But nice friend maybe but I believe if someone cheats on their wife, even if they do leave the wife for the lover, the same pattern will be played out again when another person comes along. So well done you for not settling for being second best because you aren't and good on you for holding out for being number one.

You have loads going on in your life and whilst sometimes it is easy to think how lovely it would be to be in a relationship, being romanced and having someone else batting for your side, this way you can focus on having a child rather than the stress of entering into something that doesn't fit well with you.

As Winky said it is sad when circumstances get in the way and quite right to feel sad and angry but well done you for holding out for what you believe. Surely that gives you some points with Karma and it's about time they paid good karma out to you - preferably tomorrow.

H     
F x


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

> the selfish person who tosses.


Sorry, but that piece of censorship is hilarious.


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Inde -    and rather apt in fact....

Thanks all, you're so right - he's a selfish pig and I deserve much better. I have totally done the right thing and I should feel good about myself. Had a bit of a cry last night (so much going on at the moment was all a bit overwhelming  - incidentally he doesn't know about this cycle - have kept that quiet from everyone except you lot and my counsellor - thank goodness am seeing her Monday!) and feeling a bit better today although exhausted as got about 4 hours sleep in total. Hopefully sleep on plane on way home tonight...

Still feel very sad but am just going to have to get on with it.   a BFP comes my way and that should put all thoughts of men out of my head for a good while

Meantime, off to spend the day in a workshop with him - wish me strength  
Suitcase
x


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## loubi (Mar 27, 2009)

Men!!!!!! Does anymore need to be said??!!!

I am so impressed that you are thinking with your head and not your heart, which would be the easy option. I know it will be so hard for you to deal with, anyway let alone with the egg donor things going on today.
I have a very similar situation going on. I was in a realtionship with this man for about a year which ended about 6yrs ago. We work at the same place but not in the same office. He at the time and 3 children with 2 different women, but as he wasn't in a realtionship with them and we all got i-on the relationship was fine. We were getting very serious buying house together, thinking of the future and children etc and out of the blue he ended it saying he had met someone else and although nothing happened yet he wanted to be with her (yeah right I thought!!) So we split up, thins were a bit hostile between us at work for a few months and we had very little to do with each other. I knew he had got married to this girl and now has 5 kids with her (hmmm he would make a good donor!!!). Out of the blue he sent me a very naughty saucy text message one night about 18months ago, and he won't stop!!! He has clearly told me what he wants from me but at the same time will stay with his wife. I stupidly adore this man and would love not to and find it so so hard to resist him but know I have to. I have spoken to a couple of girl friends about it and they say go have a bit of fun he knows what he is getting into and so do I. But that niggle in me and my values just say no!!! I deserve better than him....but its so so hard!!

You have your values and do not budge on them!!! You certainly deserve so much better than a man who is willing to cheat on his wife and potentially disrupt his family unit. He may be a lovely man on the surface, but is he really if he is willing to cause so much hurt??
Focus on your future BFP and I wish you all the luck in the world!!

Take care


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

wow...you lot are so wise.  I doubt that I would have been able to control myself...which is probably why I end up in some many pickles!
x


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## cocochanel1 (Oct 15, 2009)

Right decision Suity. Big hugs and what rubbish timing. 

What is it with men??

xxx


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## RichmondLass (Apr 26, 2009)

Suity - you are absolutely in the right and he is in the wrong!  You don't want to cross the line, believe me as it will be ten times more painful than how you feel at the moment,

Men eh?  They are more likely to act in a selfish way than us - how can they be so blatant about it and sow no shame whatsoever?  Even if they can separate sex and love, I don't want to be on the wrong end of that!  Either end actually!!

You feel crap because you'd like to have what he's got with his wife and kids.  But he's not the one for you luvvie.

Loubi - five kids? In total or another five

RLxx


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

Thanks again for the support everyone

Spent the entire day in a workshop with him but managed to behave pretty much as normal (really don't want anyone at work getting any ideas about this...)
Still feel crap about it (and believe you me Lulu, I came very close to doing something I shouldn't have...) but I know it's not good for me and I would only be feeling a lot worse now if we had crossed that line

Need to try to put it out of my mind, although easier said than done  

Feel mega stressed at the moment with the immune tx, the DE cycle itself, all this, and no sleep last night. Just took me nearly 2 hours (vs 50 mins) to get back from Heathrow due to traffic/weather. Now I need to unpack, re-pack, do washing, eat something, do horrid injections, and then get to bed as up at 7am to get to London for the intrallipids
Let's hope this is not a bad sign for this cycle, I'm certainly not feeling calm and relaxed that's for sure..

Suitcase
x


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## lulumead (May 29, 2008)

i really empathise, I am in a very similar (ish) situation but don't have quite your restraint.
x


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## blueytoo (Oct 5, 2003)

Suity - you need to slow down! As for the man, well I have nothing to say except who wants to be the other woman??   What a jerk! His poor wife! What kind of a man thinks he can treat either of you like that? 

Thank god I am not straight!  

Claire xx


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