# A refreshing view of having a family or not!



## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

I posted this at the end of another post" Why does it matter so much" but i thought it was interesting as a separate post too.


Recently I have spoken to 2 girls (women) who have expressed an interest in NOT having children! I found this very refreshing as they didnt seem to be yearning to be "part of the pack".

One of these is a work colleague who has recently split up with a boyfriend (and nearing 40) -she has realised that it is important for her to find a partner to be with/ or get back together with this one to spend her life with rather than the rush to have a baby!

The other girl is a good friend i had thru a hobby in my youth who i have just got back in touch with as she was living abroad for over 10 years.She too is struggling at the moment with the partner issue(and nearing 40) too as they have to decide whether to commit or not.He would like kids,she has never been that bothered.But she also has a medical condition which could worsen a great deal if she was to get pg. 

But i found it interesting that it wasnt the fear of not having a baby but the fear of not having someone to share the rest of your life with.Maybe we are 50% lucky that we have found a partner who loves us without the babies!?   What do you think?


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## pipkin (Jan 14, 2005)

Thanks Irisheyes.

'50% lucky' that made me smile...

I like to think I am 100% lucky with my man (those of you who have met him have got to agree or I'll break your neck   ).  I have also been lucky with my family BUT sadly 0% lucky when it came to reproducing a family of my own.  I don't think you ever get it all in life do you?  

Like you Irish, I have a friend who has never wanted children and has said so from the time I knew her at age 17.  She is now 36, married and perfectly happy without them - to her getting pregnant would be a nightmare!  In fact she made me laugh the other day when we were in the supermarket and this kid of about 6 ran in front of my trolley and stopped it and then poked his tongue out at us!  She just turned to me and said 'you see, that is why I don't want them ... and I've noticed they're all like that nowadays Pipkin (obviously she used my real name   )'

Pipkin x


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Irish and Pipkin,

For me moving on has been about the realisation that love between DH and me is more than 100% enough.

It seems to me that lots of people can have a child while many cannot sustain a continuously loving adult relationship. Even more so when faced with the challenges of severe disappointment or hardship.

So many parents split, so many are single and would prefer not to be, so many are not in love, so many are not sure they would be together without the children. Once their children have moved on, what will be left?

We are so lucky if we choose to be together without children. 

I hope those who split as a result of IF can feel supported here. I was nearly one.

Jq xxx


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## Bandicoot (Mar 8, 2007)

Irisheyes, I love the idea of us being 50% lucky. You are so right. Thanks for making me think a little bit differently about all this, and about what we have (as opposed to what we don't) for a change.

Love to you, Pipkin and JQ (and night-night to you all over there, too!)
xxx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

I think I'm a 100% lucky too (and for those of you who have met me and my DH, same applies as what Pipkin said - or else - crunch)! LOL!  

The way I look at it I've had horrible sh*t happen, but I am so glad I have the love and support of a gorgeous bloke. Now remind me of this when he drives me nuts, huh gang?  

Love
Emcee x


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

OOOppppssss - suppose i should have said 100% lucky!!! I guess i meant that some people didnt have either partner or child! Like my next door neighbour who is a lovely woman in her 50s - she was also an only child.Sometimes i feel i would love to chat to her on a more personal level-then i think she would probably consider me a bit selfish as i have a dh and skid(step kid) although i think she thinks she is mine.

I would like to keep meeting more women who dont have/dont want children.It makes me feel less inadequate for one thing! xx


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

IE, you most certainly ain't inadequate hon.
You do the most stressful job employement wise and home wise, and are many things to many people despite finding things hard going at times. I admire you for your honesty and for ploughing on too. 
If there is one thing I have learned its those of us who have struggled to get by without kids have oodles of resourcefulness and compassion for others. Take a look around this forum! 
You are marvellous IE, don't you ever, ever forget it!

Love
Emcee x


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Thanx Emcee-you too are fab!!!


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Scrap what i said about one of those girls!! She is now back with her bf (which i am happy for) but now mentionning that she might want to in fact have a baby if things work out-argghhh!!!


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