# Not coping well with the thought of IVF again



## Cici_K (Apr 14, 2009)

Hi


I feel so down and depressed. Ive been blessed with a 9 month old son, who i have been told by my consultant that i am extremely lucky with my health problems. Ive had countless surgeries and cysts growing on my ovaries and my egg reserves are really low. Way below the norm ranges, even there min. I had an mri scan last month and yes of course even though im bf ive got another cyst. I basically have a race on now, have another ivf go before another surgery to remove the cyst. Its like who will get there 1st, ivf or surgery.


My dilemma is this, going through ivf again. I dont think im ready to go through ivf again, i think i want another child. I love being a mum and prob in the future want another child but right now, i feel like im pressured again to do it now! I dont feel ready but i have no choice. My cysts grow too fast. 


I was meant to have a follow up appointment today with my consultant to get mri results and bloods. But its been delayed to Sat morning. My 30th birthday is Saturday. I never get any good news and i feel so down about it. Since conceiving i have totally ignored my health and fertility issues and now i feel like im back at the beg again. 


I love my son and am so happy to be his mum. I also feel that my relationship with dh is a bit rocky. Am so confused and lost. 


Any body else feel like this? What do you do? How do you cope?


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## PocketRocket (Dec 1, 2008)

Hi Cici_K   

Just wanted to stop by and say that I understand how you feel   

We always said that we would start our second ICSI once our LO was a year old.. and we did - but as you said, I didn't feel ready to go through that rollercoaster ride again. I desperately wanted another miracle but wasn't sure if I felt emotionally strong enough to go through the stress and anxiety again.

Our cycle was abandoned as I didn't down regulate properly - apparently this is quite unusual    I took this as a sign that I wasn't mentally ready to do it just yet... We had a break to wait for AF to arrive.. by the time it reared its ugly head, I strangely enough knew that I felt ready to embrace the dreaded IF rollercoaster again   

We are at the beginning of a new cycle now and while I still feel anxious about it all.. I know that I am ready to face it. I appreciate that you don't have time on your side, but just wanted to say that if you aren't ready mentally and emotionally to do the whole IVF thing - I don't believe your body will respond in the right way. Once your head is in the right place - then your body will be.

Good luck in your journey   

Pocket Rocket xxx


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## Cici_K (Apr 14, 2009)

Thank you so much for your reply. You are so right.
Well of course my body did what it does and my cyst is now over 4cm and im booked for surgery in October.r
My consultant has planned ivf for december/jan. Im praying that i have enough time to get mentally ready for it.


Actually praying we might conceive naturally 


Tanks again.


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