# Hello - Fertility & Mental Health?



## Scorpy (Oct 2, 2014)

Hello,
This is my first post here, I'm 32 and my husband and I have been trying for our first baby for just over 2 years now.
Ive been undergoing Clomid treatment for nearly a year now, but I also have Depression...is there anyone else that has mental health issues and struggling with infertility? Obviously even those with no history of mental health issues can suffer during this time, but those of us whom struggle on a daily basis makes this process feel like a circle of events, with both impacting each other. 
Ive been surprised at the fact I've heard no mention of emotional support going through this, especially knowing I already had depression etc. Although more to the point there is really nothing anyone could say to make me feel better about not being able to conceive, but really how are you meant to get through this? - I'm becoming increasingly bitter and get upset just seeing children in public.

Ps: I know Clomid can make you feel low, but I didn't actually notice a difference from taking it, my Depression has gotten worse just by fact it isn't working...

Scorpy


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## Haydan (Oct 12, 2013)

Scorpy!!!

Welcome to FF! Have a good look round the site, post in whatever section you want and make yourself at home. There are so many sections here with a huge amount of information, so whatever you are going through there will be someone here to help you.

Sorry to hear you are also suffering with depression - i cant imagine how hard this journey is for you. Please do use this forum to get that emotional support that you need. it has helped me so much - and continues to help me every day.

Here are a few links that I think might help you.

*Ovulation Induction, Clomid & Tamoxifen - *http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=34.0

*Coping With Infertility -* http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=554.0

*Keep a diary of your treatment (or read the experiences of others) ~ *http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=165.0

*Cycle Buddies (undergoing treatment at the same time) - *http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=68.0

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=190482.0

*Chat Zone section which will give you info on upcoming chats in the chat room:* http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=453.0

Please feel free to ask more questions here, or on any other part of the site, there will be wonderful helpful people there to give you lots of support, information and cyber hugs if you need it.

Good luck!


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi Scorpy 



I just wanted to add my welcome to Haydan's above 

I'm so sorry to hear of your depression and the struggles you are having 
As Haydan mentioned, you will find wonderful support here, and a wealth of knowledge 

It's incredible how the most amazing emotional support can sometimes come from people you don't even know, I think it helps a great deal that so many people here will totally understand how you feel without the need for explanations 

Lots of luck  

Anj x x


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## Scorpy (Oct 2, 2014)

Thanks to both, Ive already spent most of this afternoon on here and have found it comforting!
It will definitely help in not feeling so much like I'm the only person in the world experiencing this and it seems a really friendly and helpful environment.


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## Dragonfly32 (Mar 26, 2014)

Hi  Scorpy,

Your message really hit home with me, I have suffered with depression for many years (I am starting to accept that maybe it's just the way I am, and its just how things are going to be). My main pull to get off my medication a few years back was to try and start a family, it took a long time to come off them. I found it was a massive kick in the stomach when we found out we both had fertility issues, I really, really struggled getting through the days then. The next kick when the nhs decide to cut the funding for treatment. I find the bitterness difficult to deal with,  we are seeing our first friends who has had their baby since our struggles (we have managed to avoid the others but these ones are too closer friends to my husband to avoid them any longer) anyway,  I'm dreading it already,  I have no idea how I'll react if i have to hold the baby or even be near it! Why can't everyone just have puppies, I'd much rather hear about that in the staff room and go and visit them rather than babies right now. 

I hope you are ok  I really don't know how things improve,  I find depression can be extremely debilitating and frustrating,  espeacially when you want to get through things but things keep being put infront of you blocking you bringing that endless cycle around again. I don't know if that makes any sense. I get extremely frustrated,  and couldn't quite believe when the fertility struggle reared is ugly head!


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## Scorpy (Oct 2, 2014)

Hi Dragonfly32, 
It does help to accept that it is a part of who we are, I used to be suicidal but because of the amount of years I've had Depression now if I feel like that again I know that there has been some good days in-between this feeling and so its not worth it, that there will be good days.
I cannot believe the NHS hasn't made a connection between going through fertility issues and mental health support for everyone?

I know what you mean, a friend of mine had a baby a few months ago and I dreaded going round, and I knew she would make me hold the baby! She was telling me how they just decided to start trying and got pregnant the FIRST time...then came the question 'when are you guys going to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet?!' So I just thought id be honest and said we have been trying its just not working, and they were really nice about it.
However I have lost one of my best friends over it - she became baby obsessed and kept using the phrases 'you won't understand until you have children/one day you'll understand/you don't know until you have a baby' it was constantly patronising and now I cannot be around her. 
Have you shared your problems with your friend? It might help to do so before you visit if you decide to..

It definitely feels 'not fair' like 'give me a break!'.
And what is ironic is people learn you have Depression etc and tell you that negative thoughts only bring negativity to your door and to think positive...but despite my struggles I am always positive that 'this is going to work!' I literally thought Clomid was going to be a wonder drug.  

Maybe all our good fortune is yet to come!


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## Dragonfly32 (Mar 26, 2014)

I totally get what you have said, I think the NHS though seem to be taking money away from fertility treatment left right and centre so that might be why they don't make any connection, they can't afford to. It angers me about going privately as I feel we put in enough money to the NHS! Did you find your mood changed at all on clomid at the start? I was hoping to be put on it (I don't ovulate with PCO) but I think due to my husbands problems they aren't even bothering which annoys me a bit especially as they always go on about 'it only takes one' ...surely ovulating would help if it only takes one! I have read that clomid can help peoples mood, wondered what you thought about that having suffered with depression.

We have spoken to our friends (well my husband has, the three of them went to uni together, so I don't really keep in touch with them, he does) they were apparently very supportive. I also find that I hear the 'you'll understand one day when you have kids' a lot, I work at a school and a lot of the older ladies who have kids my age go on and on about that. It is a very small school and the topic at lunch usually seems to revolve around the pregnant lady and everyone else getting nostalgic. It is very tedious! Part of me thinks dealing with that every day is starting to desensitise me a little, I can now tolerate staying in the room when they are talking, even if it is through gritted teeth!

I think we have to try and believe the good fortune is yet to come. The world can't be that cruel to just keep kicking you when you're down, can it?! How are you feeling? Have you tried any other supportive treatments? I am thinking about acupuncture, and possible massage just to try and relieve any stress and tension.


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## Scorpy (Oct 2, 2014)

I know what you mean, I could easily become quite bitter about the NHS and not just about the way its treated me over the years but others too.
I didn't actually find that my mood changed on Clomid, I did notice on the leaflet it said 'Do not take if you have: Depression' and I spoke to the Dr about this _whom basically said ignore it..._ I have certainly noted some people have suffered with low mood whilst taking it, but itd be interesting to know if people whom didn't notice a change were already feeling low?
I don't think Clomid has made me feel worse, its been a number of other situations on top of my fertility worries that have lead to my recent downfall.

I was looking through a few 'Ovulation' related videos on YouTube recently, and I found this link about natural herbs can help ovulation and should be tried 'before' Clomid etc as taking Clomid can actually over stimulate sometimes?
I would have definitely tried this if I wasn't already on it, so maybe thats what you could do at this stage? 




You don't need to watch the video, all the recommended herbs are listed in the info section 

It certainly seems sometimes that the world keeps kicking some people moreso than others(!) which is why it is nice sometimes to hear from a counsellor/professional that 'wow you have dealt with so much/you are so strong' - even if we think they are just saying that, its good to try give ourselves some credit.

I actually feel better today, which I put down to this forum...realising its not 'just me'. Im trying to feel determined to do something once and for all about my bad diet/comfort eating to help my fertility chances naturally. Obviously most fertility problems are not caused by anything we've done, but my bad diet and zero exercise I am responsible for.
BUT I am also not at work right now...when I go back I know I will quickly slip back down into a heap! I work long hours, it tires me out and it soon takes over any time in an evening to think about exercising or eating something I wouldn't be looking forward to all day! 

I would love to try acupuncture, I suggested it to my Dr a couple of weeks ago but I think she ignored me so I will ask again! Be good to know if you find it helpful.

How do you know you definitely don't ovulate with PCO if you don't mind me asking? Reading a few posts of info on here I'm actually beginning to question if my Dr even really properly looked into if I was ovulating or not, she could have mis timed the blood tests etc.

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


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## Dragonfly32 (Mar 26, 2014)

Glad you are feeling better today. I have to say, I don't know how many people would agree with me but I would just go with what you feel might help regarding acupuncture etc. Many doctors are very keen on pure medicinal routes but realistically there are more things at play that we can understand with numbers and experiments. I am generally extremely cautious about a lot of 'alternative treatments', but I will give things a go to see if I find they work for me. I even had a go at hypnotherapy during my counselling, it didn't work for me, but I know people who swear by it. If these things help, excellent, if they don't you don't need to try them again, that is my theory. We are now going down the route of putting all we can into improving our lifestyles and stress etc so hopefully we give our first shot of ICSI the best one, so we might be going down acupuncture / massage / even better nutrition route. 

I have to say I am a big supporter of the exercise for depression route, it is incredibly hard to get yourself going, and then when you don't it can make you feel worse because you haven't done it, another spiral! I think starting small is the best way, just going out for a walk every day. I am a massive chocoholic and comfort eater, I think it is natural when you are feeling that way, if you have any idea about how to stick with the healthy eating I am all ears! I do eat lots of veg and such, but the chocolate in the evening is a bit of a killer for me!

In regards to the PCO, I have been told it is that due to my low progesterone when tested on day 21. It was well below the threshold indicating ovulation. My cycles are very regular normally, so it was easy to identify day 21 would be suitable to test for progesterone levels. I also used the ovulation indicators, which have never showed any sign of ovulation. I gave up with those as it was no way to help any positive thinking! The ultrasound came back with cysts, they are small ones though I believe. None of my other blood tests seem to be to out of the ordinary, but I have noticed I haven't had the AMH test, not sure when they do that? Have you had it? We are now waiting for our appointment with the urologist for my husband, it's so painfully slow, I feel I have definitely been wishing 2014 away waiting for appointments.

I asked about the clomid and your mood because a friend of mine who has PCO/PCOS was put on a drug (not clomid but something similar to regulate her hormones not for fertility), but found a massive improvement in her mood when she was on it. She had struggled with depression for years. I wonder how much the hormone imbalance adds to our mood?

Thanks for the link I will have a look. I have recently read something about Agnus Castus regarding hormone levels, my mum used if for menopause so it is another thing I will look into. How much longer are you on clomid for?


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## Scorpy (Oct 2, 2014)

Yep ive also tried hypnotherapy for my Depression...it was comical if nothing else, I didn't feel hypnotised in the slightest  
Thats the best outlook, to do what you can to improve lifestyle/stress, then we know we've done our best  
Exercise is just painful(!) I know people love to feel the burn, but I definitely don't! 

That is good that you can eat lots of veg, I literally don't eat anything 'good' which can't be helping anything
My ovulation indicators have all been negative this month, like you say it doesn't help trying to think positive.
Id never heard of the AMH test - I've just Googled!
When my blood tests came back with imbalanced hormones I definitely thought that was going to be the cause of my depression, but then they repeated the tests and said they were normal. Its been very confusing to find out if I do or don't have PCOS...but either way eating healthy is going to help
Im on Clomid until Dec, I'll have been on it a year by then and reading more about it recently I hope they don't keep me on it but not sure what the next steps would be.
Everything crossed for your ICSI


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## Dragonfly32 (Mar 26, 2014)

Scorpy... how are you getting on? I hope you are feeling better. I am glad I am not the only one who didn't cope with hypnotherapy. Unfortunately, I didn't have great luck with the acupuncture either. I have had two sessions now, I am not sure I can cope with another one. I feel lying there with needles in me in silence a bit bizarre. I was asking a few questions but then I kept nearly getting fits of the giggles. So inappropriate!!!

How is your ovulation tracking going? I decided I would try temperature charting again this month, just in case my body wanted to get its act together, so the question is now will my temperature ever deviate from 36.7?! Strangely after hearing our prognosis at the beginning of the year I got to the point I don't look at time in the cycle as I am now just expecting AF. I am now however getting a weird sense the day or two before it arrives oooo imagine if it happened naturally...we could afford a really nice holiday and a new sofa. I then get a bit bitter about all the people walking around with their 'free' children!

Hope things are going better for you.


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## Scorpy (Oct 2, 2014)

Hey Dragonfly, Ovulation tracking isn't going well I can't interoperate the BBT and the home tests are constantly negative so far, day 20 now   I don't think I've ever been able to tell when its about to take place. 
Its funny were told to track our ovulation a certain amount of days prior to a period...I don't want a period lol I hope I don't get one for another 9 months!  
Ive ruled this month out that its not working now, so see what the next 'specialist' says is the next step in Dec... 
Oh if only it happened naturally


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## Dragonfly32 (Mar 26, 2014)

I hope your appointment goes well and you get some movement on it all. I totally get what you mean about not wanting a period!! Mine are about 11-12 days every 28 days and I would LOVE a 9 month break  It is strange initially I just wanted to get on and get referred for the IVF, but now I notice I am going through a period of we shouldn't have to find that large sum of money to try and have a child, I think I am going through a disbelief stage, how is this happening to us? A bit delayed but hey ho! It would be so amazing for it to happen naturally, I know that isn't going to work for us, but oh it would be incredible!

My mind has been so negative recently, it is so hard to get out of. I threw myself into a run this morning, I did a 5km park run with the dog and dh. It was the first one I have done and it was so refreshing, people were so friendly and supportive and for that time I was running I did not think once about everything that was going on. I have also felt so much better all day. I just now need to try and get that get up and go to keep at it...that is the hard bit! Running is definitely easier with a dog, I think having two would be ideal, one on each arm gently pulling you along...that's the way to do it!!


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