# Confused - Help please



## sarahlou (Apr 26, 2004)

Hi,

I am at a major cross roads (again) and could do with some help please!

I am 36 yrs old I have a 13 yr old daughter (no problems concieving) and a 5 year old son (took 6 years and help).  We have been trying for 4 years now and yet again still nothing.  Sometimes I can be ok with it and say "hey I have 2 great kids i dont mind" and other times it really hits me!

I always wanted 2 children close in age but this dream is fading very fast!  We did have IUI when trying for my son but I am now scared to approach my hubby about it as I think its going to be a big fat NO!  He really struggled the last time and hated seeing me so down when it didnt work!

I now have 4 friends expecting (2 are having their second since we have been trying) and it is so hard!  I thought that having my last one would stop me feeling like this but it hasnt and I am really scared I will feel like this forever   .

Help needed......do we give up and except that its not going to happen or do we go back to Oxford and start again?  

Yours desperatley
SarahLou xx


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## bubblicous (Jan 14, 2008)

sarahlou - hi welcome to the board    I know exactly how you feel when i was younger i always thought id have 2 kids then when i had my 2nd i was only 20 almost 21 and i do remember saying i would hate her to be my last but at the time i didnt want anymore mainly because i was in a bad relationship.  That relationship broke down and soon after i met my dh i knew straight away i wanted to have a baby with him and i wanted a close age gap.  As the years past and we did the whole waiting and hoping and then clomid my chance of a close age gap was getting further and further away and i did think to myself i have 2 lovely girls maybe i should just focus on them but it didnt stop the hurt and pain i felt and the want for another baby 

this year we did ivf and it failed and it destroyed me my dh was beside himself as to how upset i was when it failed we were getting ready to start again dh wanted to but was scared to how id take failure again if it didnt work, when i got a natural bfp so after 6 years of ttc im now 12 weeks pregnant 

i dont think you should give up honey if you really want another child then you should go for it you never know you may get a natural bfp before you start tx iui might work first time for you 

though at the end of day its completly up to you and your dh no one can tell you what to do 

sending you lots of     and


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## sarahlou (Apr 26, 2004)

Thank you   

It is so hard and people just dont understand because they think "whats she moaning about she has 2 kids already"!!  Just seeing people preg around me is so hard and really gets to me.  I hate the fact that I cant do the one thing that a woman is meant to be able to do and it makes me want to cry   !!  I have been really good for the past 4 years and brushing it off when people ask if we are having anymore but all of a sudden I am surrounded by friends who are all expecting and it seems to have made the pain unbearable!

DH is really struggling to know how to react around me and doesnt want to start tx iui again because he saw how hard every failure hit me last time.

I really want to be able to accept what I have but I am also scared that this longing for another child will never go away   !

Thanks again for your support....I have really missed this support   !

xxx


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## bubblicous (Jan 14, 2008)

i know what you mean about everyone around you having babies over the past 3 years loads of friends and family have had babies lots of them 2 or even 3 and i was left standing it is so hard asnd i think it gets harder especially when people ask you if your having more especially if they dont know your having trouble as i think alot of people dont imagine youd have bother as youve had a baby before
i know alot of my family and friends couldnt understand how my infertility problem was with me and not my dh seen as how i had 2 girls ive lost count how many times ive been asked if id have more even by complete strangers (people dont realsie how upsetting it can be) its now something i never ask people 

i think maybe you should have a long talk with your dh tell him about the ache and you know the gamble as it may not work but i think the gamble is worth it sending you lots of hugs


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## sarahlou (Apr 26, 2004)

Thank you (again!!) and congrats by the way   !!

You are like me, I never ask if people are going to have kids or anymore....you just never know!

DH keeps saying that it we will prob get a BFP next year naturally as it will then be the same gap between all of them - I wish I could be so positive!  What gets me is we have unexplained....so there is no medical reason why it is not happening so surely the law of averages should mean that over the past 4 1/2 years we must have at least once done it at the right time!!!  Sorry i get very angry as well as upset......  !!  Before I know it my daughter will be leaving school and I will still be trying   !

xxx


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## bubblicous (Jan 14, 2008)

dont apoligise for being angry, annoyed or upset you have every right too 


im very like you as in my dh kept telling me not to worry it would happen and all i kept saying was no it wont i was determind it just wouldnt happen 

i dont know how men have such optimism over it 

do you think that perhaps the injections for iui helped you along even though the iui itself failed

im convinced that the ivf injections gave me a little kick start though i didnt ovulate every month so our infertility wasnt unexplained it was me 

i really really hope you get a bfp soon 

maybe you could come to an agreement with dh like if nothing has happened by jan you give iui or ivf a go maybe he'd be more up for that


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## sarahlou (Apr 26, 2004)

Think thats how I will approach it with him although he hated the whole thing last time but I am sure it will work out in the end   .

Well done to you - you must be so pleased!  I remember spending weeks in shock unable to believe it in case it was a dream!  Send in lots of     and     .

keep in touch, love to hear how it all goes for you and if is blue or pink?!

xxxx


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## bubblicous (Jan 14, 2008)

thanks so much honey


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## diamond55 (May 26, 2010)

hi sarahlou,
Just read your posts and thought I'd let you know there's someone else out there who feels the same! My DD is 12 and was conceived within 3 months. I've been with my DP for 8 years and TTC for 2 1/2. He has finally accepted that we need to go the IVF route which we start in a couple of weeks but he hates it all and keeps on that it's not natural! Clearly I know that but what can you do?! We had a natural BFP in August but was ectopic which has made me more determind to get on with it and him hating it more!
I always wanted 2 or 3 kids close in age but sometimes we have to accept that things don't go the way we'd planned. I turned 30 last week and am surrounded by friends and colleagues getting married and pregnant seemingly instantly and it just hurts so much!
Like you both I (now) never ask people about kids as there's nothing worse and as my DD is so old (IYKWIM) they assume I don't want anymore but having to smile at scan pictures etc etc really gets to you.
Bubblicious - congrats btw! Just goes to show you never know....
So my advice to you, and it's just my personal opinion, is to carry on. If you feel as I do then nothing will replace the longing you feel so talk to your DP and let him know how much it means to you. 
This probably doesn't help but at least you know someone is out there offering you  
xx


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