# Will it ever go away



## Tulipwishes (Nov 20, 2011)

I have been feeling so down lately, and I am so annoyed with myself for stopping treatment all those years ago when I could have tried Egg donation, instead I panicked because I didn't know anything about the treatment and it was not explained to me, I was just told that I had had my 3 goes of treatment and egg donation was my only hope, I was never told how/where I could go to have egg donation. We didn't have the internet back then so I knew nothing compared to what I know now, I really do wish that this forum had been available to me.

So it's been 10 years since I last had treatment and in between then and now I have adopted my daughter, but I still want what most women take for granted, a baby. It is the end of the road as far as treatment goes but I am still struggling to accept it and I feel as though infertility, (how I hate that word) has ruined my life. I have to move on but still feel as though I cant and I feel like I am half the woman I could have been if I had had no problems TTC, I have turned into a miserable, sad, bitter woman and I really do need to snap out of it ASAP, my OH and Daughter have nicknamed me grumpy  so I really do need to buck myself up, just finding it difficult to do so and I am being told  after 10 years I should be over this, and I should be, my OH also thinks this forum is making me feel worse but this is the only place I can go where I can read about other women feeling the same way as I do.

Please someone tell me that those feelings do eventually go away, I don't want to get to 50,60,70,80 still feeling like this.

Tulip x


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## duckybun (Feb 14, 2012)

Tulip,   I didn't want to read and run although I'm not sure I offer you much advise, just a supportive hug! 

I know what you mean about this site sometimes being a double edged sword it's wonderful to have access to so many people who totally get what we are saying and feeling but I do sometimes feel I can get overly obsessed by constantly reading, sometimes I take a break from ff just try and leave IF behind for a while iykwim. I do think that it's like smiling to be happy..... Bear with me here!!!..... Sometimes I get so down about it all that I realise I haven't smiled or laughed or seen the bright side in anything for days and I have to force myself to smile before it comes naturally, its all too easy to get stuck in a certain mind set. Maybe you should take some time away from ff and see if the time away helps to distance you from your feelings about your own struggle. If you truly have reached the end of your journey maybe reliving the pain by reading about people's current struggles is keeping it fresh for you, and that pain is keeping you from smiling.

It's a horrible feeling having that bitterness creep up on you and then realising that its starting to invade your life. I'm fighting an ongoing battle and hate the fact that I even have to in the first place, but I guess we all just need to find ways of surviving IF without letting it take more than our fertility away from us.... Easier said than done.... 

I've found some fabulous support on here from some ladies locally and were all at different stages of our journeys and following different paths but what's really helped is meeting up with them in person. Have you posted on your local thread to see if there are any ladies you could get to know better, it's somehow made the support so much more real, and now I actually know friends who get what I'm on about when I need to offload and vice versa.

Hugs to you  

X
Ducky


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## Tulipwishes (Nov 20, 2011)

Thanks Ducky, I will look in to a local group to see if that helps too.

Tulip x


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