# Failed 1st Icsi cycle, got as far as fertilisation! gutted...heartbroken.



## ~Twinkle~ (Sep 27, 2004)

Hi,

is there anyone who got as far as one little egg being fertilized but it failed to carry on? we found out today and we are gutted!   

It feels like a bereavement all over again, especially after losing mum, it brought anxiety's back. I just wanted to know if there were any other girls out there who were feeling low and wanted to chat.

Many thanks
My thoughts are with you all at this time.

Luv Spiritx


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## EmmaK (Aug 6, 2004)

Hi spirit,

Just replied to you on your acupuncture post!

We too had a failed first cycle, everything was going so well, my body responded to drugs, had 19 eggs, 11 fertilized, 2 put back in, et went so smoothly but they failed to implant!!

We were gutted, we just expected it to work! We had done everything, given up alcohol, fatty foods, sugar, ate only organic, took our supplements, drank loads of mineral water, did acupuncture and saw a dietatian but it wasn't meant to be!! When my period came it just felt like our whole world had collapsed! The whole feeling is like grief!

We went away for the weekend after to spend a bit of quality and 'us' time which did us the world of good so i felt ready to come back and face everyone. (We had told everyone we were doing ivf)

Its now just over three weeks and we're both back to feeling positive and looking forward to our next try!

So many of us on this site understand how you're feeling, i just want to   you.
It will get better!

Lots of love

Emmak


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Aw Spirit just want to send you a big hug.

The great thing about FF is that we all understand the emotions you are going through. Rest assure no 2 cycles are ever the same. Hope your next cycle brings you the happiness you deserve.

Thinking of you

Love Lou xxxx


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## Flopsy (Sep 18, 2003)

Hi spirit,

We have just gone through our 4th unsuccessful 2ww with a negative result. I can honestly say that nothing felt as bad as that first failure though.

I don't know if it is any help to you but most IVF cycles fail. The success rates at clinic vary but if it 23% (for example) the vast majority (67%) will go on to a cycle failure.

Most cycles fail with the result that you had - fertilisation but no implantation. Little is know about why this occurs and clinics cannot answer our questions adequately on this. Very little research is being done on IVF implantation failures.  

Hopefully over time we will get a better idea of what is happening but clinics can only offer us unsubstantiated theories.

IF clinics were paid by success this might be a different story....

There is no way of knowing how your next cycle will go and many, many people go onto success on subsequent cycles. It is impossible to tell if your number will come up in the great IVF lottery.

A few things helped me after my first failed attempt - planning another one if that i possible or even a holiday. I do appreciate that due to the expense of IVF that may not be possible.

I am so very sorry to hear about the cycle failure. This is such a hard and unfair business. Although it has not worked for us we have been very glad to have been given the chance to try.

With love from,


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## Fee (May 8, 2003)

Spirit

Awww hun - we've just had a BF negative too and you are right - the pain is like grieving.
I lost my Mum 9 years ago, but still find coping with the loss hard. When something happens to you like this loss of your babies (that's how it feels) then NOT having your Mum seems to make it even more painful somehow.
What I'm finding the hardest is carrying on  - you know "life as normal" - especially as so few people around me know we were trying I've no one to even give me the hug I need. Just as well as I'd probably dissolve. That's what is so vital about this site for me - cos there are always people here who know the hell you are going through.
Anytime you feel blue Spirit - IM me - perhaps we can meet in chat
Fee xxxxxxxxxx


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## noodles (Sep 4, 2004)

Not going down the IVF route yet as on clomid.  But last year the clinic told me it was my only option - I did not believe them so pushed for more info and investigation - luckily one of those tests actually unblocked a totally blocked tube and I am now on the clomid to help me ovulated.

When the clinic first told me IVF was only option - I went on internet and found the clinic with the highest success rate in the world - which if I remember rightly was around 70% for my age 31 - Yes I know that is totally wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now one of you ladies said about clinics might get it right if they only got paid if it was successful..........this one does.
You pay up front for 4 treatments and if you don't get at least 1 live birth - you get your money back.  The rates were quite good.  When I was looking at it i thought the price for 1 go was so good that I might just do that - you don't get your money back but with % like that it would probably work.
Cant remember the name of the place but it is Chicargo, USA - just do a google search.

The rates were so good even paying for flights and accom - it still seemed a bit cheaper than here.  I will go when the IVF route is the only option left.

Noodles


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## Mrs CW (Jul 12, 2004)

Oh spirit honey my EC cycle buddy, I wondered what had happened to you after EC.   I'm really sorry it hasn't worked out for you.  To go through EC and to have your hopes up for fertilisation like that is so cruel.

I had a similar thing happen on my first cycle - we got 10 eggs but only 1 fertilised.  We did get as far as transfer, but the rest is history.

Second time only 3 eggs but two fertilised (ICSI).

Although I had 12 of eggs again this time, 7 fertilised, then by yesterday only 6 were left.  I had the best two which had divided transferred, and we were just told today that the four we had left pretty much stopped developing.  So it can happen.  I just found myself agreeing not to freeze them and grieving over them.    I can't believe that from 12 eggs the numbers kept reducing but they do.
It really is such a lottery and it's terrible that so many of us get hurt because of it.

I'm glad you'll try again, we just have to keep going till it really does work for us.  

Take good care, what you're feeling really is grief, so treat it like that and be good to yourself.

Claire xxx


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## Sasha B (Jan 24, 2005)

Dear Spirit,

So sorry to hear your news  . I got my BFN confirmed on Monday and though I was 99% sure that it was negative, 1% of me was holding on for that precious BFP. You're right, it is a grieving process. These tiny little eggs encapsulate part of us and when they fail to implant, we feel like we loose all the hopes attatched to the baby and person this would have become. The important thing is to give yourself space to have a good cry if you want to. Its strange, sometimes I feel fine and very optimistic, then suddenly the saddness hits and I disolve into a heap of tears. I'm sorry to hear that you are grieving for your mum as well. It's such a hard time for you, but please don't loose hope. It will happen for all of us, but the process can be agony. I hope some of what I've written has encouraged you.  

Sasha B


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## noodles (Sep 4, 2004)

Here is that IVF clinics web address

www.advancedfertility.com

the bit you want to look at is '100% refund plan'


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## Flopsy (Sep 18, 2003)

Hi Noodles,

I've been using their website for a while and saw the offer when we first looked at treatment. Sadly, I'm too old to get their deal but may be of interest to the under 35's.

So much of their on-line info has been useful to me over the years that I feel it's a good clinic. Pity that approach hasn't been adopted in the UK as yet!

Spirit - thinking of you and still sending warm hugs!

With warmest regards,


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## JackieR (Oct 28, 2004)

Hi Spirit,
Just wanted to say sorry about your news.  I think Flopsy is right re IVF being hard because the chances of failure are harder than the chances of success.  I hope you're able to try again.

Noodles - I hope you don't need to go down the IVF route, but if you do please be very careful of promises from US clinics.  They aren't regulated as rigorously as our clinics and I've read numerous times that their statistics are often flawed.  I read the stuff re the 100% refund and I think it reads like a dodgy sales pitch - there are so many exclusions I'd be surprised if anyone ever go their money back.  Also, the exclusions mean that those that do qualify (under 39, less than 3 previous IVF failures, at least 12 follicles per cycle etc. etc.) are the most likely to succeed, so effectively, those most likely to be successful on the first attempt will be paying upfront for 4 attempts - sounds like easy money for the clinic to me.
Jackie


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