# Trying to conceive whilst grieving



## Makermeg (Aug 4, 2015)

Hi There...I'm new posting to the forum but often come here to read through other posts and get advice.
I am 29 and have been trying to get pregnant for abut 2 years now. My husband and I have been married for 2 years but together for 11 and talked about having children from the very start so to get to this stage now and it not happen for us is heart breaking.
We have started the process of investigation and have has our first appointment with the specialist whom have at this point just sent us for re tests of bloods and sperm analysis etc. I had borderline progesterone results come back (29.5) and my husband had low morphology results of 2% but everything else was fine...I had a hysterosalpingogram (spell?) and that came back normal. 
I'm hoping they actually decide to go ahead with some kind of treatment at our next appointment in a few weeks but unsure what they will offer us first so wondered if anyone could suggest what they may offer us. We have been told we are eligible for IVF on NHS if that needs to happen which is good. 
I have to re do my progesterone blood and wondered what anyone could suggest regarding when it is meant to be done (normally i know it is day 21-23) but I have long cycles usually about 40 days so do i need to go on about day 33 is that correct? (a week after i ovulate). 
I have also been struggling to come to terms with the loss of my mum very suddenly a year ago which has completely crushed me. We have continued to try for a baby even though i was told to consider having a break after what happened by an acupuncturist whom i saw for fertility issues which i stopped after about 6 months with no luck. She suggested that grief may be playing a big part in not conceiving (even though we had been trying for about a year before it happened). I wanted to know if there were any others here who were going through something similar and how that affected them. 
Thanks in advance for any advice or help   xxx


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## Dory10 (Aug 6, 2013)

Hi makermeg

Welcome to FF  I'm really sorry about your mum  There is a good fertility investigations section on here that you might find helpful as you go through these tests and I've posted links to help you get started...

*
Fertility Investigations* http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=532.0

*Coping with infertility * http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=554.0
*
TTC Naturally with fertility/health issues *http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=530.0

Good Luck 

Dory
xxx


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## caro226 (Nov 28, 2007)

Hi - I didn't want to read and run.  So sorry for the loss of your mum, I know how hard that is as I lost mine 4 years ago.  I guess grief / stress could play a role in struggling to conceive, but like you say, you were trying for a year before then.  I guess there is some thought that you could put off TTC for a while, but you need to do what you think is right for you.  I'd say struggling to come to terms with your loss after a year is perfectly normal, particularly with it being so sudden - everyone's different but I know for me I struggle for quite a bit more than that - probably more like 2 years, during which time I had bereavement counselling which really helped.  Sadly I've not had a successful pregnancy since, but then I was 37 when mum died.
The following is all based on my experience of blood tests and the like.  Progesterone peaks at around 7 days after ovulation, which is day 21 on average.  Like you say, if your cycles are 40 days in length then you should maybe go around day 33 - the fact that you got a result of 29.5 a week or so early is good news though!  I guess the fact your cycles are longer also means you have less chances to fall pregnant though - have they always been around 40 days in length?  The clinic I'm with like to see a value of 60 and above to confirm ovulation.  2% morphology I think is on the low side, but I know my husband had a similar issue and he was told to take some vitamins (Natural Health Practice Fertility Support for Men and something else but I'd need to check!) to boost.  I'd say your situation sounds v similar to ours in that there may be a minor problem on both sides, rather than a major issue to prevent conception.  We got pregnant naturally when I was 34, and again at 37.
Losing a parent is a bad thing.  Not being able to get pregnant is a bad thing.  For me, these two things combined were v v v bad for a while.  I'd be reminded that I didn't have my mum, and then I'd blame the stress of all that for the miscarriages we had and the inability the conceive and it was just a downward spiral.  Counselling definately helped as it gave me some coping mechanisms, and of course time doesn't necessarily heal, but does help things get worked though if you know what I mean.  If you feel that it's constantly on your mind and it's affecting how you're functioning day to day it might be worth a trip to the GP?
Sending lots of love  
Cx


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## Makermeg (Aug 4, 2015)

Hi Caro226 Thanks for your reply   and sorry for your loss too  
Like most people i have good and bad days i guess...mostly bad recently because it was just the anniversary of my mums death so everything has been brought to the surface again. I haven't been to my gp but have considered it on a number of occasions. Maybe i need to finally bite the bullet and just go. 
My result of 29.5 was around day 33 i think so not great unfortunately. Our next appointment is on the 26th but i haven't been able to have another blood test since the last appointment because i messed up tracking ov  not sure how they will be about that?! 
Yes my 40 day cycles have always been like that so i guess 'normal' for me but yes frustrating as in two years we haven't had the same amount of tries as we should have! I also tend to have very short period of 2 maybe 3 days which worries me.
My husband was told to take the wellmans supplements which he has been doing (on and off i think) so hopefully his repeat sperm analysis might have improved a bit. 
But yeh all round not great and totally frustrating. Im a very impatient person unfortunately and was tempted to go private straight away as the constant waiting for nhs appointments is so frustrating but read that if you do go private you give up your eligibility of funded treatment which would be silly i think. 
Thanks again for your help! xx


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## Yasmin18 (Jul 30, 2015)

Hi Makermeg & Caro226, 

So sorry to hear about the loss of your mums and Caro226 you're so right- there's no time limit on grief. Sorry for your loss too Caro226 I hope each day gets a little easier for you though. I'm in a similar situation to you both as my partner's father passed away quite suddenly in June this year. Although he wasn't my father I was very close to him. I'm 25, my partner (2 and I have been together 9 years, officially trying for nearly 3 and have never fallen pregnant. I have polycystic ovaries, endometriosis, chronic pelvis pain and blocked tubes. My partner has a low sperm count. We saw our GP late last year and they referred us to our local fertility clinic. We were seen there in February and are actually due to start Mild IVF in the next week!!!! (all the injections are the fridge waiting for AF to arrive).
We actually had our appointment to refer us to the IVF clinic two days after my Partners dad passed and I honestly cant really tell you anything that happened during that appointment. Since then most things have seemed like a blur, some days its hard to even think positive but you've just got to focus on your end goal. I wanted to postpone treatment but my Partner wanted to start straight away. I think it was to have something positive to focus on. I also had a laparoscopy for endometriosis in May to give us and the IVF the best chance. We would have started the IVF sooner in the year but I needed the operation first. It kind of feels now or never for us. I just worry the stress and grieve will be too much cope with if this doesn't work.
We considered going private to speed things up but stuck with the NHS and I can honestly say I'm glad we did as once the ball starts rolling things move quite quickly.  I found the more I called the quicker things got done. Where abouts in the country do you live? Do you know what your local fertility clinics are like? I also have quite long cycles. - am currently on day 34 with AF due any day. I took my progesterone test as they said I think and it came back ok.  xx


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## Racca5678 (Aug 9, 2015)

Hello,
Im really new to this site just joined today. Please be assured youre not alone. Im 34 and my mum died of cancer at age 64 only 19 months ago!. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and together for 11yrs so, i guess we are in similar situations. 
We have been trying for 4 and half years, obviously the thoughts of stress and greiving for my mum whilst she was still with us was what we put our failiure down to, ......but alas it has now come to light that my husband has a very rare condition, we have been told a pregnancy can technically happen but it will be with only Ivf with ICSI. Last week I started the drugs...prostap and here we go, looking ahead to the 1st week in september where if everything goes as they say it should we should be looking at an embryo transfer that week....
Hugs to all.....xxx


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## Lunabunny85 (Aug 10, 2015)

Hi I'm also new to this. I can really relate to where you're coming from. Myself and my husband have been married 3 years this September and have been trying to conceive since our honeymoon. Unfortunately, I too lost my Mum March 2013 at the age of 52 to cancer, only 6 months after my wedding, I never had the chance to tell her I was trying to have a baby. I have just turned 30 and I have been through no end of tests etc and recently had a laposcopy, which resulted in finding both my fallopian tubes blocked. So now I have a lot to think about in my next steps of becoming pregnant.


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