# Daily messages Feb/March



## emilycaitlin

Welcome to the new home for daily messages, Feb/March.  Good luck everyone!!!!

kelway
linchick   
sarylou   
suszy     
keira      
maz       
gabrielle  
Honeyprincess  
TC2           
pip34        
pand         
kazvan       
emmyloupink   
jakesmum       
lainey lou        
kitty                
jo                    
sazz              
drownedgirl       
mrs chaos         
missyb                 
Debbie1810          
bel                      
cinders                 
clairead                 
hollie22   
clairead          
bek
ba
dizzyloo
nanook 
whippet
moominemma
Lainey2
faithfullyhoping
tuck
bubblicious
Wendeth
lawsy
jobo5572


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## *Lollipop*

Thanks Emily,  ...take extra special care and Good luck....


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## whippet

Awe em no whippet  

Whippet x


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## wouldbegreat

Thanks emilycaitlin  Hi all

can't believe its a week since op its very a up and down recovery some times i feel i will be better in a week and other times i feel 6 weeks.
I also feel very hormonal and have cried on and off.The trouble is by being stuck indoors on my own i have to much time to think/feel sorry for myself  

I just ordered my shopping on-line for the fist time very handy as i can't walk all way round tesco. 

At least i have all you friends to talk to its great comfort  
Sorry about the winge but i needed it.

Hi too all you out their too 
missyb,Lainey-lou,pand,suszy,gab,faithfull,jo1983,bubblicous,tuck,reetpetite,Gabtiellex,Whippet,cinders35,nanook,Mrs Redcap,twinkletoes,ikklesmiler,xmissnawtyx,kitty,Mrs Chaos,dizzi squirrel,minxy and Madison.

and to all who i forgot to mention


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## emilycaitlin

Sorry whippet,

I'veadded you on!  Am off to test year 4 at dd's school on their spelling (an idea I thought was good at the time!!!!), and then she has her swimming lesson, so I will look later on and add any others that I haven't put on xxxx

Whippet


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## nanook

Hi guys!! xx


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## moominemma

Can you add me to the list too?

Thanks,
Emma x


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## emilycaitlin

All done guys!! xx


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## faithfullyhoping

Could you add me too?!!!

How are you doing emilycaitlin? 


Faithful xx


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## missyb

hi ladies!! oooo a new home eh?

lainey2... aw hun i know how you feel about being stuck indoors, i know you had a much more serious procedure than me, but i know what you mean about having time to yourself and thinking too much   it will all be worth it though.

hi pand.. hope you are having a nice holiday xx 

hi bubs... i lmao when i read your message.. i looked at the side effects and thought bloody marvelous!! i cud have a stroke, visual disturbances, mood swings, etc etc so much to look forward to!!!! how are you feeling today?

hi suzy.. how are you feeling hun? hope you are much better sweety  

hi to whippet, faithful, ec, cinders, lainey-lou   and to all of the lovlies on the secondary thread xx


amanda xx


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## lainey-lou

Hi girls

I have been having major computer problems so haven't been able to post for a while, sorry.  I did my usual trick of chucking a drink all over the keyboard (this time it was coffee and not wine  ) Now the "h" key doesn't work aswell as the "u" key.  I went to Tesco today and got a wireless keyboard which was only £10 (every little helps) so now I am like speedy gonzalez on the keypad as all the keys work.  Hooray.

Firstly, I wanted to say how sorry I am to hear RP's news.  It doesn't matter if it was a chemical pg or a m/c, for a few days you thought you were pg and it was a real baby to you.  You must be devastated.  Having had 3 m/cs myself I know it doesn't matter what label you put on it, it hurts the same.  I am sending you loads of love and best wishes, I wish I could say something to take your pain away but I can't.  Just know I am thinking of you.  

Lainey2 - so glad to hear the op went well.  Lets hope nature takes it's course now and you will soon be joining that elusive club.  Lots of luck to you and wishing you a speedy recovery.  

Pand honey - don't give up hope.  It is way too early to know a result so don't read anything into the negative.  As you are away now I will send you a motivating text to try and spur you on.  Lots of love to you, I still have faith.  

Cinders - hope you are having a good time on holiday, thinking of you.  Hope th drugs are going well.   

Missy - not sure I could look at winkies all day.  Aren't you ever tempted to burst out laughing?  I have a very juvenile sense of humour and the merest talk of willie wonkers and I would be on the floor, pmsl.  Either that  or vomiting at the sight of a manky one.     Good luck with the clomid lovie, wishing you lots of success.  

Susie - sorry you have been poorly.  You are probably susceptible to things at the moment as you are down in the dumps.  I caught loads of things when I was feeling down so I know that happens.  Take care of yourself.  I know I have been drinking heavily since my m/c, I think it is a way of trying to cope with things, but not necessarily the right one.  I am glad I am not the only one who does that though.  Be careful, it is easy to get carried away, I have been quite worried about my drinking and am trying to have a couple of days off a week now just to convince myself that I am not a raving alcoholic!   

FFH - our other pupo lady.  How are you doing?  Try to stay positive, it does happen you know, even though sometimes we feel we are wasting our time.  Sorry to hear about the jacket.  I am with bubbs,  can't you find trousers to match?  Look after yourself  

Wendeth - how are you doing?  I am so sorry you got a BFN, life is so cruel.  I really hoped your treatment was going to work, it doesn't make any sense that it shouldn't work with DE.  Please keep posting so we know you are doing ok  

EC - good to hear from you, I hope you are bearing up ok.  You are someone else who has been through the mill in the last few months.  You don't seem to post very often, I hope you are not feeling too bad, keep us informed  

Bubbs - good luck with the clomid, I hope it works for you.    

Hi to everyone else.

I am ok.  Bought a new car on Friday,  a new honda civic with everything on it, very excited about getting it in mid march.  Met up with Kelway for lunch aswell, which was lovely, apart from my ex-boyfriend walking into the cafe where we were having lunch.  All a bit embarrassing, especially as he didn't even recognise me!  He looked fat and old and it made me realise what a lucky escape I had with that one, phew  

Finally booked an appointment with a counsellor and she said "I think I should tell you, I am pregnant"  Can you believe it, it is definitely a conspiracy, they are everywhere, trying to make me feel as bad a possible  

That's all from me and my lovely new keyboard  

Lainey x


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## tuck

Hi Emily

Really sorry but please could you add me on the list too.

Hello to all of you, not much time for post now, just got back from my night class, I hope all are ok 

Lots of      and    



Tuckxx


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## missyb

hi lainey-lou!! tee hee just mentioned you in my diary as i hadn't heard from you in a bit! glad you are ok.. i have a VERY juevinile sense of humor which im sure is going to get me in trouble in this job!! one fella today asked me to be gentle and i saifd that i promise not to poke the stick all of the way in!!1   he went puce and i lmao!!! so far i havent seen anything really manky but im sure it will happen!! oooo a new car how exciting.. what colour is it? (typical girly question!!)


hope you are well sweety


amanda xx


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## SUSZY

HI girls
how exciting a new home and a new name!!!!!!!!  Thanks Em - its amazing how long the list is shame some of the girls dont post anymore!  We are on half term up in cheshire.
Welcome to our new home 
here are some             

Just wanted to thank you all so much for your support these last few days it has meant such a lot.  I woke up this am feeling a lot better and brighter and ready to take on the world again!

missby - you do have a great sense of humour, I have to agree with Gab re the clommid its an absolute sod and makes you an emotional wreck but it could get you preggers and thats why you are doing it!!!!!!  Glad you have it though and good luck

bubb- good luck with the clommid - not lng now

nanook - hope you are doing ok honey

wendeth     

lainey 2 - glad you recovered well from op

moom - hope the hol is good

reet      

gab - so agree about clommid -     

dizzylou - hope you ok

whippet - hope you are ok sweetheart = did the hugs you did on de newbies and they loved them   

honeyprincess hope you are ok?

gayn - hope you are ok?

ffh - hi pupo lady - how are you doing - so good luck

cinders - hope you are doing ok sweetheart - what have you been up to - hope you enjoying half term.

pand - hope you are having a good time at cparcs - we miss you - also hope you are feeling as sick as a dog!

lainey- lou- so good to have you back posting and feeling better - I think you are right about getting iller wen you feel down.
the new car sounds exciting, I did tell dh that pand and you got new cars but he laughed at me!!!! as we have no money!!!!
you sound like you are getting yourself sorted.

tuck - hope you are ok

Lots of Love and thanks so much for your support - it means such a lot.
off to bed now
love
susie


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## wouldbegreat

Hi lainey-lou
I changed my name yesterday to Lainey2 to make it a bit easier. Great your back and thanks for the personal.Can't believe about your counceller you need a different one .I would keep looking at her stomach and imagining it growing in their and everything she said you i wouldn't believe and think hypocrite can you change her ? Great about your new car how exciting something for you to look forwed too .

Hi bubb
Hope your not a monster yet   lol good luck honey.

Hi suszy
Glad your feeling brighter honey like the sun its beautiful here  

Hi missyb
Thanks for personal hope you are ok  

Hi Rp
Bless you honey thinking of you 

Hi pand
hope you feel ok honey having a great holiday i hope 

Hi tuck
hope you are ok 

Hi whippit
hope you are ok  

Hi to all the other great girls on this site who have touched my life   

                                                          wouldbegreat


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## bubblicous

afternoon ladies

emily can i go on the list i feel a little left out  i know im sad


well im not a monster yet i just cant stop sleeping i hope it picks up before next week otherwise dh will be having   with a sack of tatties :L:L:L


like i said im finding it really hard to stay awake after taking them they just make me light headed and sleepy though yesterday i told dh i was going to put a hammer through the tv as he was putting it on and i wanted quiet so that started a little argument but then i think he realsied what was happening and he said hed go down stairs though at this point i threw myself off the bed and grabed his leg screaming dont leave me    he just looked at me and then put me in bed he must think ive lost it


missy - hows u come on af so you can go mad like me :L:L:L

suzy -    glad ur feeling a bit better

lainey 2 - hey hunni hope your getting well soon and fingers crossed for you 

tuck - hope your ok xx

ffh - hows u  


every one else     sorry i couldnt do longer personals but i have to go to nursery with my youngest she starts at 1pm and im still in my pjs

when i come home im going to do the housework as the house is a riot


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## *Lollipop*

Hi girlies,....

Bubs, After just reading yr post...I thought and the fun begins...!!!!!! .....no seriously I just said to my dh there are going to be a lot of mood swings and PMT x 100....I just used to apologize straight afterwards and he was really understanding..sounds like you have an understanding dh too.

I dont think it helps that Im scottish....are you.....?...my dh used to laugh at me and say wow....claymours at dawn..(You know the big swords)..so that used to make me laugh and get me out of whatever mood I was in....

I think it makes you sleepy and gives you headaches sometimes too...so just go with it....!...

Best of luck to you, its helped a lot of girlies on this website.... 

Missyb - hows the manky ones..... 

Lainey and Suszy.... 

Pand   

Ive forgotten there is loads of people now.....hello and take care.....


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## emilycaitlin

Have added some others on to the front page!!  

Faithfullyhoping - Am doing ok thanks, starting IVF in May, but still nervous  even if it does work after the miscarriage, it's such a rollercoaster!!!  How are you?

Hope everyone else is ok xx


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## faithfullyhoping

Emilycaitlin - thanks for adding me to the list.  Glad you're OK. You're bound to be nervous after your m/c.Perhaps once you start treatment you'll be dealing more with the present and the initial outcome.  I'm plodding along in 2ww after iui, not feeling terribly positive as I havent had so much as a hint of a pregnancy in over 3 years. But got skiing booked for a week on sat so that should take my mind off things.

Lainey and bubbs - thanks for you advice re Jacket, and guess what yes I've bought trousers too  , and also another cheaper Jacket. So still in dilemna as to whether to keep more expensive Jacket that I prefer or be good and take that one back!! Will have to check my bank account, probably can't afford either!!!! 
Bubbs - It sounds like the Clomid is having a bit of an affect on you. Perhaps you're so tired because your body is using your energy to grow lots of follies 

Must go as on the wrong computer and session will probably time out.

faithful x


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## Wendeth

Oh my goodness. It has taken me nearly 4 hours  to catch up with you all.  I haven't been out of the loop that long have i? Well, i guess we have moved 120 miles down the road to Dorset and then got the bfn and it was only yesterday that the internet connection was finally sorted out by Dan the Open Reach guy who didn't suck his teeth once. The house is slowly coming together, only about 30 boxes left to open but it's lovely and big but pretty cold with thin walls. Good job we're only renting! Feeling fine-ish, with more tx in the pipeline already. My clinic say to call them when a real AF starts as they think they have another donor for us. Not much call for ginger donors then? I am very pleased - we want ginger donors. We are all ginger, me DH DS and the 3 kats. People have to wear ginger wigs to come into our house and no anti-ginger jokes allowed in our house.  Actually, the real reason is because we have agreed to accept MCV+ donors even tho i'm MCV-. We've also booked with Reprofit in the Czech Republic for Oct in case this second attempt doesn't work. It's about a third of the cost. There's no time like the present to get moving. I'm 43 in April so want to get a move on.

Right, i'll try for some personals. Thank you to each of you for your messages of sympathy last week. It was a horrible rough ride   , and the bfn was totally unexpected  . I was feeling so positive, but there you go. you get your 50/50 chance. Better odds than winning the lottery but then i've never bought a ticket so i'm not likely to win that am i? 

Susie, you are a brick and a wonderful thoughtful special person and i think of you often!      

Cinders - hope you are enjoying your hols - your ballet comments made me giggle. Glad all went well when you met up with your estranged friend! Can I ask what you have been studying? Is it english grammar  Hope the down regging is going well. 

Fabizzy - are you still out there?? hope you are well. 

Lainey-lou - i'm sorry to have read that you've been feeling so low recently. This time of year is notorious for making us feel rotten, but i'm hoping these last few sunny days have helped. Sending you a big hug 

Pand PUPO lady!!!!!  I am so praying  you get your BFP. I have everything crossed for you and really hope all goes well. Your little 10 cell and 8 cell will be nice and snuggled now. When i asked my clinic if i could test at home (instead of doing a 6 hour round trip to the clinic) they said yes, but we'd have to wait a further week to get an accurate reading, so i should think your early test was inaccurate, if you understand me. Try to be positive. I know it is hard. I really struggled with the last 3 days of the 2WW, waking each morning not feeling pg at all, but had convinced myself by the end of each day that i was. Well, i don't know. If i'd got a bfp then i would have said my gut feeling was completely wrong. Cos i got a bfn i can now say my gut instinct was right. It's only over when the clinic tell you it is. Sending you huge positive vibes      and loads of love and hugs.    

Mrs Chaos - lots of love to you. Hoping you are okay. 

Gabrielle - glad to hear your lap went well and you're off to Jinemed - hope all goes well with appointments etc. 

Kateag - good to hear your next tx is beginning and your ball is rolling. It's a good feeling to finally be moving forward. Wishing you lots of luck. 

MissyB - very pleased to hear your tubes were clear. Hoping Clomid does the trick for you. How are you feeling now? I've thought about you a lot since xmas. Sending lots of hugs. 

Faithful - PUPO lady!!!!!!!  Was delighted to hear you're on 2WW. Keeping all fingers and toes crossed for you, that you get positive news next week.    

Tuck - so very pleased to read that you still managed to get your job. I've always thought it bizarre that you have to reapply for your own job. When i was working earlier in the year, temping in Cambs and P'boro Mental Health Trust they had a mgtment restructuring going on and the woman who i was working for had to apply for her own job which she'd been doing for 6 years ----- and she didn't get it. She was so devastated that it brought on her dormant MS symptoms and she remained off work till her job was terminated. Awful! So, relieved for you indeed.  

Moominemma - how are you doing? Lots of love 

Ang - how are you doing? Been thinking about you a lot too. Sending loads of love and hugs to you.  

Nanook - was sorry to hear that January was such an awful time for you but you seem to have come out of the darkness - love the pole dancing idea. Let us know how it goes when you start. REf egg share costs, we had to pay for all our donor's costs - overall tx costs of £7K+ but i guess each clinic is different. lots of love 

Lyndalou - Good to hear you're going to cycle again in March/April - i hope all the tests bring you the peace of mind you so deserve. 

HoneyPrincess - Any more news on DIUI at the JR. Our first IVF was at JR, my folks live in Wantage so it was easy for childcare options. Hoping all going according to plan. 

SamBlue - i've enjoyed reading your texts, you've settled in well here in this thread. hoping i'll get you know you better soon now i've got the internet running again. 

Abbybella - hoping all's okay with you? 

ReetPetite - I have to say, i have been howling with laughter at some of your posts. YOu have a very good way of describing things. I was so so sorry to hear of your bfp then the horrible bfn. what a shock that must have been for you. What a mad rollercoaster we are all on. Sending lots of healing hugs   

Jo1983 - Hoping your appointment in a couple of weeks goes well. From a recipient point of view ref donor eggs, it is just the best thing ever in the whole world. I wouldn't even be posting here if there weren't women out there willing to donate their eggs. It really is my only chance, and plenty of us here only have this chance of conception if women donate. It is the most amazing unselfish and wonderful gift a woman can give to another woman. Happy to pm you any time with more thoughts on being a recipient but don't want to bore everyone here!  Hoping you can reach your own conclusion. 

Whippet - Hoping your scan tomorrow goes well. First IVF runs are scarey things. let's hope this will be your first and last.   

Dizzyloo - thanks for your inspirational post ref your single FET resulting in twins. Take care of yourself. 

Kath - Good luck with your op in March.  

Bubblicous - I was really shocked by your mum's comments ref the dress at your sister's wedding. How tactless. I feel very sad that your mum is not sympathetic to what you have suffering. Your DH sounds like he's totally behind you with his support, which is brilliant. Hoping the Clomid stuff is okay. Never done it myself so have no idea what it does to you, but hope it works. 

Lainey2 - really pleased to hear your op went well and you're back home. Just rest up and let everyone else run around after you for at least 4 months!  Well, 4 weeks could be realistic... 

EmilyCaitlin - i've sent you a pm asking to add me to this thread - i've been out of broadband/internet for a couple of weeks but i'm very much still here!  May will soon be here...  

Angel83 - hoping your change to tamoxifen has really helped you and you're feeling a whole heap better. 

Right i've now been in just this thread for nearly 5 hours catching up so i really ought to go and get a life.  I don't dare add any special symbols - the last time i did that i lost the whole post and i really don't want to do that! Lots of love to everyone i've accidently missed off! and apologies if i've got anything wrong. Please correct me.

Snogs Wendeth x


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## lainey-lou

FFH - keep the lot, that's what I say!  Fingers crossed you won't need any of them  

Bubbs - sorry the clomid is making you feel grumpy, lets hope it works   

Missy - I am fine thanks, changed my counsellor today, feel empowered.  Phoned the other one and left a message saying that I didn't think it was a good idea for me to see her and phoned the new one (also a woman) and asked immediately if she was pg.  She said she is 54 so it would be a miracle if she is    Am much happier now.  It is booked for a week on monday.

Susie - glad you are feeling better.  Take care of yourself.  Any more counselling booked?  It seems to be really helping you, you should keep it up.  

Pand - thinking of you.  Good luck for Friday, I have everything crossed    

Cinders - hope you are having a good break.   

Gab - so you work with mens' bits too.  What's going on?  All these people fiddling with sausages for a living.  I knew I had taken up the wrong career  

Hi to everyone else, RP, EC, Tuck, Honeyprincess, MrsChaos, Chimer, Kelway, Nanook, Jo, Wendeth, Lyndalou, etc, etc.  Bound to have missed loads of people but there are so many of us now it is hard to keep up.

Lainey x


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## lainey-lou

Wendeth - good to hear from you.  I was a bit worried as you have been so quiet. Glad you have a plan, I think it helps you pick yourself up.  I hope it goes well this time.

Lots of love

Lainey x


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## faithfullyhoping

Wendeth 
Hi welcome back. glad you're doing ok and looking to the next treatment.  

I'm married to a ginger!!! dd got a hint of ginger too!! Hurrah for gingers! 

Not feeling very positive re 2ww today. have no symptoms whatsoever, but I guess I'm only on day 10 since basting so there's still time.

Pand - Thinking of you.

Faithful


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## bubblicous

wendeth - love the gingers so funny im sitting here laughing at the whole not much call for ginger donnors thats good though that they think they have another one for you though whats an mcv - i hate moving house we did it 6 months ago never again though if im lucky and get another bub then we will have to move as we only have 2 bedrooms at the mo but i guess if im moving for that reason it wont be so bad

my mum aint the most tacktful person im just accepting it now as she still keeps having a wee dig now and again about it though yesterday i did tell her fine i just wont do it then wether im pregnant or not she wasnt happy 

missy - hows u hunni

ffh - it aint over yet hunni positive vibes ur way glad you got the trousers too u naughty gal

lainey - hows u hunni 


gab - yip im scottish i love the claymores at dawn made me giggle though i think if i was in one of my moods and my dh said that i think i may chop off his claymore lol clomid is such fun


well now me my mums not well again so im here looking after her well im suppost to be but shes sleeping so ive not taken my clomid today as id be no use to her if i was light headed and sleepy so i thiought id take it tonight when i get in from work

nothing really else happening just looking forward to the bms though last night dh said we would rest this week seen as how next week wed be at it like rabbits but i told him where to go i want it this week too im no just wanting it at the baby making time wheres the fun in that poor man i think  he thinks i intend to abuse him next week and he would be right but he will love it

well im off will catch up later on with you all when i get in from work 

big hugs to all


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## Wendeth

EmilyC thank you very much for putting me on the list. I feel i truly belong  now x

Pand - thinking of you hun, and hoping all goes well. I really do hope and pray you get your BFP, oh i do, i do, _i do _ so much.                       please....   Please let it be good news for you. 

Bubs, you make me laugh too. i can just imagine your DH running away saying oh no more sex !!!! leave me alone!!!  Clomid sounds a very odd drug. Does everyone experience what you go through? What does it do? does it stimulate your ovaries? i've heard of it but no idea...

MCV stands for opps got that wrong!!! it's CMV! ha ha  still got no brain. its cytomegalovirus - here's a link to some details posted on a NHS direct site: http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/articles/article.aspx?articleId=1108 . Sounds pretty scarey but we weighed up the odds. Weirdly enough my clinic say that most donors are CMV+ and most recipients are CMV-. That's why the waiting lists can be so long for donor eggs. Well, i guess we are taking a small risk, but not as big a risk as trying to conceive. So it's in the lap of the Gods so to speak.

Faithful - hurrah for gingers! We will rule the world one day if you all let us.... Glad to hear your DH is one, and your DD obviously carried the genes!  Day 10 is still really early sweetheart so don't worry yourself yet. Be kind and eat lots of chocolate today. It will make you feel heaps better  

Lainey-Lou - didn't want to be quiet, honest, desperately needed to come and have a good cry and rant and rage but had minimal internet connection and DH stole the PC each night when we did have coverage.... He thinks i spend far too much time in here, and he'd be right  Luckily it's now completely fixed so no stopping me. Tell me to shut up if i talk too much. 

Love and kisses to all Wendeth x


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## missyb

evening ladies!

how are we today?

there is lots to catch up with!

wow wendeth what a mamoth post!! im so glad you didnt lose that one! im so sorry hun that you got a bfn  . glad you are all back online.. feel free to come on any time and have a cry,rant scream.. we all do and it does help xx thank you for the kind words and keeping me in your thoughts xx

hi lainey-lou how are you sweets? glad you changed your counsellor.. i lmao when you mentioned what the new counsellor said!!! when are you due to see her hun?

hi suzy how are you hun? hope u are feeling better and that the delhi belly has gone!

hi bubs (WAKE UP!) aw hun i have all of this to look forward to! im especially looking forward to the alopecia & insomnia ! hope you start feeling a bit brighter soon.

Hi gabs..the manky ones are not too bad!! all i can say there is nowt as queer as folk!!!

hi lainey2 how are you hun? hope you are recovering well hun.

hi pand.. thinking of you hun xx 


i know that i have missed lots of people out (not intentionally xx) but we are such a big family now that its hard to keep up! im on my 2ww and i have to admit both me and dp are both exhausted! we have made a concerted effort this mth. im not too hopeful as i feel that achey ovary feeling that tells me that my body is getting ready for af!! 

amanda xx


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## faithfullyhoping

Pand - can't stop thinking about you. Lots of   whatever the result.

Faithful xx


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## Wendeth

Pand - 

Ditto!  

xx


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## *Lollipop*

Pand...out of sight but not mind.... ....thinking of you...xxxxxxxxxxx


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## lyndalou

Hello gorgeous Ladies

Sorry not been on for a bit. Just a quick one to say fingers crossed to Pand and Faithfull. Really hope you get the BFP 
you deserve x

Not been a great cycle buddy lately. Off skiing on sunday for a week so will try and do better when I get back.
Much love and   to all x Linda


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## bubblicous

ok so im having so much fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

last night i took the clomid at night time though yeah seen as how it makes me sleepy mean i will get to bed and sleep OOOOHHH NNOOOOOO last night i was bouncing off the walls full of energy wanting to sit and chat poor dh just wanted to sleep 

i was up most of the night great eh 

so today i woke up in the worst mood ever no one could do right dh got a mouthful of abuse for forgetting the bank card when he was suppost to go and pay a bill daft man ( though the abuse he took was a bit over the top but at the time i thought he deserved it ) then i just wanted to     for being so mean to him

i had a nice afternoon though went for a long walk with my mate and then i decided it would be fun to paint the kids room well half of it i didnt have enough paint so off the b&q on sunday for the rest and will finsh that on monday 

now im on my owneo dh is away out with friends and im baby sitting 

last night though i had a bit of a prob we had   and it hurt we werent doing anything unusual just him on top (being graphic i know) but ever so often i got a sharp stabbing pain in my uterus is this normal im not to sure 

anywhoos enough about me 

wendeth - your such a doll clomid stimulates ovaries hopefully i will be popping out eggs galore soon though not to many dont want quints or anything  

missy b - bet you cant wait hows things with u

pand -    

and to everyone else


----------



## nanook

Helllo guys

you lot crack me up with your little stories ...

Started new job this evening which was a lot of fun and am so glad Im doing it!! feel as if I have a totally new lease of life!! - have been down lately cos of dh again - dunno, feel like Im kiddin meself about it all....  he makes me feel totally insignificant, unappreciated and sad mainly to be honest - am I just waisting my life?  who knows but I guess Ill be stick here wondering for the next xxx years while you all scream 'WILL YOU JUST SORT IT OUT!?! FOR F SAKE!!!!!! ' at me      lol.    Just have this aching feeling that this is just not right and I shouldnt be feeling like this 90% of the time,ya know......?!??


AAAARRGGGHHH!!!!  Its driving me mad! 


Anyway - I realise the only person who can sort my head out is me so Ill just have to get a grip and do just that!!!

Maybe new job will bring answers??!!??  or am I just being hopefull....

love to all - sorry so flipping depressive!!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## lawsy

Hi everyone,

Please can I join you? I have 2 beautiful daughters, aged 10 n 8 from a previous relationship and now after 2 yrs my dp n I have still not conceived. We live in Spain, which we love n so things can be a little different here, so new perspective on this dreadful IF!!! 

Tests so far reveal dysfunctional ovaries, why I dunno??!!! N I already bloody knew that physically they were nt working, cos I've been feeling so unwell for the last yr or so!  Anyway waiting for dh SA results which we will discuss at our next appointment on April 25th n been given Clomid and progesterone in the meantime. Expecting AF beginning of March n now instead of dreading AF arriving like the last 2 yrs we find ourselves willing the time away!!!

Hope to talk to you all soon, have a great wkd,
Laws xx


----------



## bubblicous

hi lawsy

welcome to our wee thread its great fun on here the girls are such a laugh

sorry to read and run but im about to go out on my first evening out in a few months so im getting ready woohoo me
though not sure wether to have a wee drink or not as im working at 8am


----------



## Wendeth

Hi Lawsy! Big welcome to our enormous thread.

How sad am i, Saturday night and sitting on the computer - at least i've got a ginger cat to keep me company... DH's out on a non-alcoholic bender if there's such a thing with work. Boo.

Been thinking about you Pand all day yesterday, all night and all day today. Sending you lots and lots of tenderness and purple love.

That's it. The world's shortest post from mega mouth Wendeth x


----------



## whippet

Hi Wendeth you not sad you among friends  

Hi Lawsy welcome honey  

Pand   

Wendeth for me scan today shows 10 follies but 2 are small at 9 so they dont know if they will catch up in time hope they do need as many as poss to try and get to blasts. Back on mon for another scan and bloods and then prob EC wed feeling bit nervous now as getting near.

Whippet x


----------



## cinders35

Can't believe I have only been away a week, so much to catch up on!
You lot     all night, and day!!!!

Too much time reading, not enought time to write, have a tea set to paint, you know how it is   !!!!

Love and      

Cindersxxx


----------



## emilycaitlin

Hi all, welcome lawsy!!!!

Please keep your fingers crossed for me today that I don't make an enormous fool of myself in front of my in-laws.  Am going to stay there for a couple of days while dd is on half term.  My sil is now in labour, having her second child, whilst she has had two children in the time that I have been trying for one!!!!

Am worried that I am going to end up crying all day there!!!


----------



## wouldbegreat

Hi Emily  
Ah i hope you will be ok its very hard honey will be thinking of you    
                                                 wouldbegreat


----------



## Pand

Hi girlies.

Sorry to be away so long.  Was at Centre Parcs til Friday then down in Devon at my mum's for her 60th Birthday party.

No real surprise that we got a BFN.    

All symptoms disappeared by Tuesday and we tested on Thursday morning and Friday.  Now have mammoth AF to add insult to injury.  Clinic have told us to test again tomorrow just in case but there is no chance.

It's been very tough putting on a brave face so I didn't spoil everyone elses holiday/party for the last few days when all I want to do is crawl  under a bit rock and break my heart crying.  Just can't face the world at the moment.  Feel so angry, sad and like I've let everyone down.  So much for my problem being just my tubes.  Guess there must be something else wrong now.

Will catch up on personals but just don't have the strength at the moment.  I've missed you lot so much.

Lots of love

Pand


----------



## *Lollipop*

Hi ladies,

Hope everyone is well.....

Pand my heart goes out to you, I could have written that post myself on yr diary... ....there is nothing I can say....I know..Ive been there, but you will find the strength to pick up the pieces gradually sweetheart,...It seems to be a common denominator this guilt feeling amongst a lot of us here on this thread, the feeling that youve let yr son/daughter/dp/dh down..even though people will say you have nothing to feel guilty about, One of my gynae registrars told me..how can you feel guilty about something that it out of your control, It is true but it doesnt make it easier...Pand you do need to cry and get things out of your system, once you have done this it will be then time to look forward.. dont rush yourself give yourself time honey ok......you know Im here if you want a chat....love....Gab.... ....xxxxxxxxxxxx...


----------



## missyb

pand... im so so sorry hun.. i wish i could help and give you the strength you need. im here if you need to shout,scream,cry. I dont profess to have the answers, i wish i did. love to you and your dh.


amanda xx


----------



## nanook

hi guys

suzy thanks for the message - i tried sending one back but your box was full....  got to rush now cos ds is harrassing me but will be back on tom day so ill type more then.....  keep your chin up i know its hard.. xx

Pand am sending you love - sorry re your news hun xxxx

love to all

x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

pand - so sorry hun, I don't know what to say other than I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I've been thinking about you all weekend. Have a good cry and give yourself time.           

Lawsy - welcome

Emilycaitlin - My thoughts are with you. My sister popped out 3 babies since I had my one. When she had her 3rd last year I cried for nearly a week and felt like I never wanted to see her again. It was horrible. Don't feel bad for how you feel, it's comletely natural and your family might understand more than you think. 

Whippet - all the best for scan tomorrow, grow follies grow.

Me Me - Absolutely no symptoms whatever, just waiting for AF to start! Apparently I was tossing and turning all night in bed last night so will probably come on tomorrow. DH says I'm making a vast assumption but when you've been pregnant before you know what it feels like don't you.  Oh well at least I'll be able to ski next week!!  

Have a good week all, all the best with scans, appointments etc

Faithful xx


----------



## wouldbegreat

pand im so sorry to hear that bless you i see u have some great friends on here everyone missed you so much


----------



## lawsy

Thanks for the welcomes everyone!

N just want to say sorry Pand, I know you don't know me, but it looks like you've been through such a lot xx


----------



## whippet

Pand sorry to hear your news honey take care of yourself and get plenty hugs from dh you both going through this   

Whippet x


----------



## lainey-lou

Pand      I am so sorry lovie.  I wish I could say somthing to make you feel better but I know I can't.  Just know we are all here for you and understand your pain.  You have not let anyone down, no-one could try harder than you to give your ds/dh a sibling/child, you are doing your very best, no-one can blame you for this.  Text me/call me anytime.  I am here for you.

Lawsy - welcome

Cinders - welcome back, missed you.

Whippet - good luck with the EC     

FFH - I know what you mean, but I still hope you are wrong.  Good luck.    

Hi to everyone else.  It has taken me so long to read everything it is now bedtime so only a few personals.

Night night

L x


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Pand   my lovely, take care sweetheart, we're here for you.
Sorry it's a flying visit, will pop in tomorrow and see how everyone is.
Emilycaitlin, Gab, Cinders  Suszy, Lainey, Nanook, MissyB  and everyone a huge 
Lotsa love to all
Gayn
XX


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi guys

As predicted   showed herself today, so it's a bfn for me too this time  .  Can't do any treatment this month as dh away with work at crucial time! So will go skiing on sat and try and not think about getting prg for a whole month!

Hi to everyone.

Faithful xx


----------



## bubblicous

ffh - oh hunni so sorry to hear she showed herself have fun skiing though and fingers crossed for your next try


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Thanks bubblicious

Really hope the clomid does it's job for you this month, we could do with some bfps on this thread!

Love Faithful xx


----------



## whippet

Faithfullyhoping sorry to hear your news    

Think this thread in need of some group hugs, allow me                    

As for me scan today shows 1x21, 1x20, 3x18, 2x16 and 3 others a bit smaller. Endo is now 17mm. Waiting on phone call to confirm EC but looks like wed.

Whippet x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Thanks Whippet

I didn't expect it to work first go anyway!

Looks like your follies are doing well.  Are you pleased with that number - I'm not very up on what you need for ivf.

Faithful x


----------



## whippet

Not bad for an old bird. Would have liked more but like everyone says its quality not quantity. Dreading ec heard its sore even with conscious sedation but hey ho necesary evil.

Whippet x


----------



## bubblicous

faithfullyhoping said:


> Thanks bubblicious
> 
> Really hope the clomid does it's job for you this month, we could do with some bfps on this thread!
> 
> Love Faithful xx


i hope so too

thought that myself that wee need a nice bfp on the thread lift everyones spirit


----------



## cinders35

Hi all,

Good luck for EC Whippet. Looks like you got a nice little crop there!    

Faithful, sorry you got a bfn.   

Emilycaitlin, hope you are getting through your stay at in-laws ok. We are all here for you! Sending you strength....hope you get it!?    

Laineylou, hope you are ok? Well done for changing counsellor, I am impressed that you didn't let that stop you! You go girl! Have you got the car yet? You and Kelway bend each others ears at lunch?!!!  

Hi Kelway!!!  Hope you are ok?  

Bubblicious, hope clomid not sending you too  ?!

Hey Gayn, how goes it?  

Nanook, really getting the impression all is not as it should be with dp. Samblue says she "makes like an ostrich" when not facing up to things. Meaning she has her head in the sand! Is that you hun? It is often easier to stick your head a bit further in than pull it out to have a look round!

Pand    

Suszy, hope you are ok hun?  

Missyb, you still on 2ww? I will check to see if you are doing a diary. Hope you and the manky bits (at work!) are ok?!  

Dd ravenous, need to go and get her a second tea! Not sure school dinners are working out!

Love to all (sorry if I have not done you a personal, brain, sieve, you get the picture!  )

Cindersxxx


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi girls
how is everyone?
Missyb   thinking of you sweetheart, hope you're doing ok. Still think of you when I pass the continental sausage section! 
Suszy  how are you my lovely?
Gab  hi hun, how are you?
Nanook  hope you're well hunni.
Pand  thinking of you hun, and sending huge  
Emilycaitlin  how are you sweetheart?
Whippet  good luck hunni 

Faithful so sorry to hear about your bfn  my lovely, be kind to yourself 
Lainey, Wendeth, Bubblicious, Lawsy, and anyone I've missed 

Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## whippet

Confirmed EC is wed trigger just done now no more I can do went for a facial to try and help me relax a bit helped too.

Hope eveyone doing ok

Whippet x


----------



## SUSZY

Evening girls
Sorry I have been a bit quiet, not sure why just seem a bit pensive.
Got really really drunk on Sat night, had a bit of a hang over on Sunday, we had a couple of parties and have decided on ds finally.  he have a little WII tea on Thursday with three friends, then we go to cparcs, then the following Friday we hvae a little party and then the Sat a bigger school one, yes he is totally spoilt I know it and have just spent a fortune on party bag stuffs but so what!
Next year it will be smaller and quieter.
Af came yesterday (I felt myself ratty the day before) so at least I know where I am in my cycle, am going for the blood test next week and then when I ovulate will phone and do the liverpool Natural killer ones.  We have appt on 31st to discuss the results so hopefully we will know more about what going on.  Saw counsellor today and we spent a lot of the time talking about my drinking! you know when you dont really want to listen and you have to anyway I am not having any now til the weekend but with my parents and ds sister we are bound to have lots!
dh just come in complaining about how much the party bags costing!!!  they are all the same.
I also realised today that I am going to have to make some major decisions soon as I cannot go on living like this ie not working, going to the gym etc and perhaps getting a job is what I need.
I just feel in a kind of drifting place.
I had a few exchanges of emails with the girl that told me in an email and other than her being due the same time I would have been I managed to say a bit about how I felt so that was good.
have to decide how much to get involved in the whole NCT thing though and perhaps it is time to move on.  I had a lovely week last week doing loads of stuff with ds and really enjoyed myself although quite tired from all that.

Pand          
Thinking of you my darling and so feeling for you.  you know where I am if you need me.

lawsy welcome - it will take a while but we are a great bunch!

ffh - so sorry sweetheart - its still so upsetting but at least you get to ski your butt off and you will feel so good in the sun and fresh air - although I know it still hurts.

maz - how are you sweetheart and your mum

tuck- hope you are doing ok sweetheart

moom - hope you are enjoying your hol
Whippet - well done on those follies, glad you did the trigger jab ok and so good luck    for EC     

lainey2 - glad you are feeling better sweetheart

cinders - welcome back - hope you had a good time, I know there is always so much to catch up on.

missby - think you said your girls were off this week and that you have to work, hope you are doing ok though.

Gab - how are you feeling honey.

gayn - how are you and how are things, as you have had it tough.

nanook - hope you are doing ok sweetheart (think I had had a few on Sat night - and was complaining about dh!)

lainey lou - hope you are doing ok sweetheart

kelway - hi sweetheart are you coming back to chat

honeyprincess - how are you sweetheart are you coming back to post

bubs - Hi miss clommid - how are you feeling!

wendeth     

lyndalou hope you are doing ok

Emily caitlin - hope you week did not go to bad, really feel for you and hope you managed to keep it together.

Not much else to say other than as ever hope you are all doing ok and sending you lots of
                          

take care girls
love
susie


----------



## lainey-lou

FFH -       I am so sorry you got a BFN, will any of us ever get a BFP?  Enjoy your skiing trip, I hope it takes your mind off things.

Susie - good to hear from you.  I sometimes need time out, just to reflect.  Glad to see you back though.  I think drinking too much is just a way of trying to cope with things, as long as you don't let it get out of hand it is ok to let it all hang out sometimes.  

Pand - how are you hun?  Thinking of you.  I hope you are ok, try and have a good cry or yell if it helps.  

Nanook - things sound really bad with dh, I hope you can sort it out but, if not, don't bury your head in the sand, it always catches up with you in the end.  I am glad you are enjoying your job.

Cinders - how are the drugs?  Is it good **** man?  Hope they are not making you feel rubbish.  How was the holiday?  You haven't mentioned it really.  

Whippet - hope the EC goes well tomorrow.  Fingers crossed for you     

MrsChaos - good to hear from you. 

Bubblicious - hope the Clomid isn't making you too mad.  Lets hope it works.   

It has gone a bit quiet on here, where is everyone?  

I am now on Weight Watchers (or Fat Fighters as I like to call it) so am living on a diet of dust at the moment.  Feel constantly hungry and haven't had a drink since Saturday.  Feeling very virtuous, almost saint like.  Wonder how long it will last, not long probably.  Would go to the gym but it is tooooooo cold.

My car comes mid-march so haven't got it yet.  Really looking forward to it though, something positive to focus on.    Seeing counsellor monday.  Apart from that very little to report.

Just going to go and lick the window sill now  

Lainey x


----------



## emilycaitlin

Pand and FFH   I'm so sorry about your bfn's

Lainey-lou - I'm on WW too, so we can compare points together!!!  

My sil had a baby boy on Sunday night.  It really annoyed me because she didn't even ler her own parents see him because she was tired until today, and that was just briefly while he was in he car.  If I was lucky enough to have another baby, I would want to show him off to the world, I wouldn't care if I was so tired I was falling asleep while they were talking to me!!  She doesn't realise just how lucky she is.

Sorry for my rant, and sorry for not g=doing many personals, will try and get my brain in gear next time.

Hope everyone's ok


----------



## whippet

em hang in there honey you will get your day to show the worl your  little one we all different but I will be like you and would to the world, hang in there       

Whippet x


----------



## tuck

Hello girls

Pand - was sorry to hear your news and have been thinking of you.  it must have been hard to be on hol with all this happening big   to you. how are you doing now?

ffh, sorry you didn't get the result you hoped for  

Whippet - best of luck for you ec tomorrow, I hope they get some good ones.  my friend wasn't sore during or immediately after just a bit sore the next day 

bubbilicious -   and good luck hope the clomid does its job

lainey lou and emily, I'm doing ww from home, have been quite successful twice in past but weight gone on again plus more - whoops!  i think it can work though and the shame of being weighed motivated me ,,  so don't think i'll be too successful at home but hey! lainey living on dust  
emily - must be quite hard on you with s-i-l news, do you live near?  I am dreading my s i l announcing her next pregnancy.  I just know it will be soon and it will eat me up.  I hate being this way and what this sif has done to me.  Lots of   for you and I agree with what you say.

Susie, your ds bday celebrations sound great, he'll love it, and he's not spoilt just loved very much!  hope you get some answers from your blood tests   Sounds like you've been doing some thinking, perhaps a job would help it does give you purpose, in the days i don't work which is 3/5 and ds is at playgroup, I feel quite lost sometimes and would like to increase my days but with the redundancies etc, just not possible.  Good luk with what you decide.

welcome to lawsy i'm fairly new too but getting to know this lovely bunch

hi to wendeth, cinders, nanook, missyb, gabrielle, and everyone else,

DS being difficult at mo, I'm blaming myself cos he's not got sibling, he gets all the attention and i'm sure we sometimes love him too much as my mum puts it or unintentionally overindulge, spoil him cos of what we've all been through and cos he's our only one.  Got to get him in more of a routine, we are very liberal re. routine but think it/he needs pulling into line a bit.  

Still don't know what to do re. ttc or not ttc.  DH wants to but I'm still not sure i can muster the strength to try.  I am just so negative and scared that even if i'm lucky to get pg again with just one tube (which i don't even know is working) and at the grand age of 36 that it will all go wrong again.  I know i must        that it may just work out but its so damn hard when you have been burnt before.  The opportunity probably won't even arise as dh works nights so that may make the decision for me.  

I finally feel almost healed physically and mentally from my last ectopic, except the legacy which never really goes.  I am enjoying some stuff again but still put up a protective shield against some people to avoid getting hurt.

Cooked dh lovely meal on valentines which he stuffed down before starting work at 8:30pm, he then had friday night off and we went to the cinema to see sweeney todd, not the most romantic of films but excellent none the less.  and johnny depp .. swoon even as a crazed demon barber..

Well wishing everyone   and now  i must go do some ironing, i'm such a night owl.

Tuckxx

that turned into a long post, sorry


----------



## bubblicous

evening all

just in from work & im shattered 

today was a bit better than yesterday i was really tired all day and then had dull achey pains down below kinda like cramp so dont know if thats a good sign fingers crossed it is

tuck -    sounds like you have really been through it i kinda knoww hat u mean with regards to your son although i have 2 i over induldge the younger one as shes my baby and i try so hard to keep her my bnaby which is only doing bad to her as shes very baby like and shes 4 but i cant help it 
fingers crossed for you thats when u decided what to do that it will all work out   

emilycaitlin - i hate seeing people who dont appreciate what they have its just so wrong they should think themselves so lucky the thing that really gets me is pregnant people smoking       for you though hunni u sound like u need it 

lainey - lou - well done with joining fat fighters hope you get on well babes   good luck with the counsellor

suzy - its nice your looking forward and sorry af turned up but like you said least now you know where in your cycle you are   

whipet -   

mrs chaos -   

cinders -    school dinners lovely i sent my wee girl today and she bought a sandwich kinda thought i could ahve done a sandwich cheaper than the 1.65 she paid so shes getting a packed lunch tomorrow me thinks

pand -   thinking of you xxxx

everyone else       
fingers crossed for us all we need a nice fat BFP on here soon


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls

Yes it's been quiet on here recently hasn't it?!!

I'm afraid I haven't got enough energy for lots of personals as I've been shopping for stuff for hols.  I'm glad we're going on holiday as a break will be good, but part of me wishes that we could just get straight on with round 2 of iui. DH said the other night that he would like to come with me next time for basting and be more involved, which is really nice. I thought he didn't want to be there, but I think we've had our wires a bit crossed!! Turns out that he felt really distant from it all because it's so clinical. I don't think he felt very comfortable with it. I was worried because he was being distant, so am quite relieved that he's told me what the problem was.  

Quick question for you all, Is anyone elses cycle a lot shorter than it used to be?  Mine is usually 27 days but is sometimes 25 days.  It used to be about 29/30.  Just wondering if this could have anything to do with things? Is it just an age thing maybe?  If so that can't begood either can it?

Anyway better go and do the tea.

Faithful x


----------



## missyb

hi ladies! just a quickie from me as dp is getting the hump with the amount of time i spend on here (even though im an xbox widow!)

hi cinders... how are you doing? manky willy/clapland is going well and im enjoying the job  

hi lainey.. hope you are ok   after ur txt. 

hi suzy.. sounds like you are at a crossroads hun. you know that we are there for you no matter what. sorry the witch came   the girls are on half term and im working but i have managed to blag friday off which is fab!

hi pand.. thinking of you x

hi bubs... hows it going on the mad pills?   dont worry hun you'll have company soon!!


hi faithul, emilycaitlin,honeyprincess,lainey2,whippet and anyone else ive missed.

2ww driving me mad. ive been v hormonal today and convinced myself that i ought to do a test (bfn as way too early) 
i cant keep up this level of insanity forever! at this rate i am going to earn myself that coat that does up at the back!!


amanda xx


----------



## missyb

how could i forget to mention gayn (peperami!) and gabs!!


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Hello ladies,

Not particularly coherent-sleepy! So this post is likely to be all over the place!

Laineylou, glad you are ok. Hols was great apart from me having raging pmt...    it's defo getting worse. Disney was absolutely fab, but busy at the weekend, queues were bad on the sunday. Dd did her first roller coaster, she LOVED it! We went ice skating, which was brilliant fun. Would like to do that again! Paris was great, apart from being one of my bad pmt days! Dd made friends with a little girl on the train into Paris, she is so good at making friends. But that just feeds my insecurities of her being an only child, I worry that she comes accross as too clingy and needy to other children.   
Ofcourse Disney was packed with big families, and loads of babies. Not so many pg tums though...hurrah!!!
We spent an absolute fortune, the food in disney is SO expensive!  
Drugs ok, have had some horrible headaches, but not too bad today! Seem to be suffering with spots!  
Well done on the ww girls!!!
I am doing ww, watching my weight creep up!!  I need to loose a stone to be at my ideal weight, I am trying to be good, but always seem to put weight on with each cycle!!  
More shopping Faithful!! I guess you can never have too mant thermals for skiing??!! Can't help re shorter cycles I'm afraid, mine are just interrupted with spotting all the time.
Because we were away I forgot valentines!!!  

Have been at work today, then came home did ironing. Then remembered I have people coming to quote for new blinds tommorrow, so figured I'd better clean the dust of the window sills. Then thought I'd better hoover, as someone coming to quote for carpets! I don't want them thinking I am scabby woman! So am fairly tired!

What about that poor missing girl?    
Hope and pray she turns up ok.

Got to go, think better clean the bathroom too!!

Love to ALL, sory for rubbish, no personals post   I blame the drugs! 
Cindersxxx


----------



## jobo5572

Hi everyone

Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this - still very new to the site so not sure.

Clomid has finally been working over the past few months (as in making me ovulate which has been the problem for the past couple of years) but I'm still getting   every month and yet again   this morning so I'm not a happy bunny and am sitting here at work trying my best not to cry uncontrollably.  I just feel so thoroughly depressed by the whole thing and know that you guys will understand - no-one else does that's for sure.

I seem to be surrounded by PG people and it's really getting me down.  All my friends have had number 2 and some are onto number 3, all in the time I've been TTC no.2.  I am heartbroken when I get PG announcements from people but then I find it even harder when they have the baby as I know that there's another 9 months down the pan for me.  I have 2 friends who are nearly due and I'm getting emotional already.  To them I must seem pathetic.

Sorry if I've posted in the wrong section, I'm just so fed up and needed someone to talk to.

Best wishes to all of you out there through this [email protected] time we're all having.

Jo


----------



## whippet

Hi folks clinic called and said looks like zero ferilisation. They will keep them warm till tomorrow but dont hold out much hope.
Does anyone know how long we have to wait to try again - gutted.

Whippet x


----------



## wouldbegreat

Whippet
I don't know much about ivf so can't help but im so sorry to hear its not going to well  just to let you know we are here for you.
                                                                     wouldbegreat


----------



## tuck

Hi all  

Jobo welcome to the board and big  
My Ds was born in 2004 also and unusually the 5 of us in our little group have all waited to ttc no. 2 except me.  I started ttc oct 06 however am still not successful.  Yesterday I found out that 3 of them are 4 months pregnant all due within days of each other.  They hadn't told me yet as it was too 'difficult' Yesterday I cried all morning.  They were all not that worried about having another one or so they said and One of the pregnancies was a mistake, her partner is not sure he wants it and she only found out at 16 weeks she was preg.  I just think it is so unfair that our babies are really wanted and by god we deserve them.  Lets keep thinking   and when we get our babies they will seem all the more precious and special.  just really wanted to say i do understand i really do, keep posting and i hope that clomid will work its magic for you.

Whippet, i am  so sorry about your results from the clinic    .  I think you need to wait 3 cycles before you can try again with ivf at least thats what my friend was told.

cinders - disney sounds fantastic and like you enjoyed it.  I'd love to take ds.  Good luck with your tx.

missby good luck in your 2ww hope you are keeping it together  

ffh  hope you are ok.  I'm not a good one to ask re. cycles, they're all over the place from 4 weeks to 9!!! but i've still been pregnant twice last year so don't think it matters too much.  Hope you enjoy your hols - very jealous.

Hello to anyone i've missed.

tuckxx


----------



## bubblicous

whippet -   

missy - im not to bad bet you cant wait not long to go now ive got the worst pain ever in my uterus at the mo been there 2 days now think it may be ovulation pains but they are agony so fingers crossed 

tuck -    oh hunni i dont know whats worse the fact they are pregnant or that they are 4 months and have only just told you be strong hunni i was the same in jan loads of people around us family and friends pregnant i was gutted and annoyed as my dh knew about some but kept it from me as he didnt want to upset me i cried for days        dont worry hunni i know its hard but it will get better

jo -     i know its hard but it will get easier

cinders -   i think you need this hunni blame the drugs thats what i do 

everyone else      kisses to all

bubs xxxx


----------



## cinders35

Helo all,

Jobo, you have posted in the right place hun.   We are all with you. Think each and every one of us are understanding your pain. The hardest thing is going to be dealing with my feelings of jealousy towards friends and their families if this doesn't work out. I have never been a jealous person, anyone has flash clothes, house, car, boyfriend!!! I look on with envy, but not the gut wrenching jealousy I feel now when I see their swollen bellies, and little perfect bundles  . I don't like it!! Horrible this isn't it girls! So Jobo, welcome and keep posting.  

Whippet, so sorry to hear of your fertilization problems. I guess you will want answers as to why this has happened, is it an egg or a sperm problem? It might be possible that you need ICSI. I'm sure under the circumstances your clinic will try and give you a follow up appointment very soon to discuss what next. I have heard of this hapening to other ladies, it might be worth posting on peer support to see if anyone can offer any words of wisdom.   Take care. Let's hope they get it on overnight!  

Tuck, you poor thing. Doesn't it feel like you've been singled out when this happens, you start wondering why me? What have I done to deserve this? It all seems so easy for everyone else, it is infuriating! I'm not sure where you are at, i.e. ttc naturaly or with treatment, but I really hope that you get your well deserved bfp very soon, and you will be comparing bumps with them! If not you could do what I have been considering, and befriend some post menopausal women, at least then we would be fairly safe!  

Thank's Bubs! I hope those pains are a good sign, I think they might just be!  

Pand, hang on in there sweety, I know you are so sad  . But you have to start looking forward now, and hoping for the future.    . 

Laineylou, not that long till you climbing back aboard the rollercoaster. How is the counselling? Hope dd is ok?

Suszy, guess you are busy arranging all those parties! Maybe you could have new career in events organising!?! Hope it all goes well and ds has a great time. Hope you are looking after yourself. I think a job can sometimes be a saviour if it is the right job, it gives you a sense of value. What sort of thing would you be looking at? And what qualities do you feel you could bring to the job?!! 

Missyb, haven't checked diary. How are you? Enjoy your day off with girls, tomorrow I think?

Love to absolutely everyone else!    

Cindersxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

Sorry I haven't done personals til now.  Back at work full time and have just been so tired this week.  But have got a few minutes spare while ds has his tea so thought I would try and catch up:

Whippet - Oh my god that's so awful!  You poor thing!  You must be absolutely beside yourself.  I really hope they are just slow starters and that you have better news tomorrow hun.  I'm not an IVF expert (having only been thro it once) so I don't know what your chances are.  But I do know that my clinic have told me that you need to bleed after tx, then have one normal period and you can start tx again that cycle (ie. day 21).  So would probably amount to a couple of months from where you are now.  I really  hope that you don't have to do that tho hun.  PM me if want to chat.

Jo - you are posting in the right place hun.  All of us on here have had to sit back and watch everyone around us (including flipping celebrities!) get pregnant, have successul pregnancies then have gorgeous babies whilst we still sit here as empty as ever.  So many of those people have absolutely no understanding of how painful this journey is.  I've watched my sil, my best friend, friends from work and currently the girl who fell pregnant the same time as me last year at work get pregnant and have their babies.  I wish I could give you some advice to help you stop feeling it so badly, but unfortunately there isn't any.  It still hurts like hell for me.  Not sure how many years I will be plagued by this feeling, but just know that I so understand and I share your pain as I'm sure everyone else on here does.

Lovely Cinders - Ah matie.  Those dr drugs are just awful!  I really feel for you! I was just so tired and headachey all the time!  Roll on Monday!  Thank you once again for being such a good friend.  Don't know what I would have done without you!


Missyb - Aw hun!  2ww is awful, not matter how you get there isn't it?!!  When is AF due?  You are doing so well considering everything you have been through.  You are a brave girl and I really admire you.

FFH - have pmd you.  As for cycle length, mine has been short since my late twenties.  I'm anything from 24 to 26 days long and luteal phase is always 13 days.  But I got preggers with my ds like that so don't think it can have too much effect.  Think missing AFs is probably more of a problem!

Bubblicious - IF drugs always make me soooooo tired!  But then I'm hopeless most of the time anyway!  Really hope those pains are a good sign.  Will keep my fingers crossed for you flower!

Tuck - know how you feel.  I'm 36 (37 in May too).  In same position as don't know whether to bother trying again.  Sometimes I think the pain of trying is worse than the pain of not!  Sorry to hear you're not in such a good place at the moment and that everyone else around you is getting pregnant.  You just wonder is it ever going to end don't you?  

Emilycaitlin - it's good to hear from you even if it is for a rant!  I think we have all felt or feel the same way as you do.  People just don't have any idea how lucky they are do they?  You want to hit them round the head with something heavy!  Feel for you mate.

Lainey-lou - Glad to hear you are seeing counsellor on Monday.  Let us know how it goes.  So many of us on here are on WW I feel like I should go back too.  I lost 2 stone last year running up to June when I got pregnant.  I've now put one stone and 3lbs back on comfort eating and drinking.  Not sure if I can face it at the mo tho!  Must do something at some point, but one step at a time.

Suzy  - you're not the only one drinking too much!  Think we are going to have to set up a WW and AA thread on here soon!  Not surprised you're feeling pensive at the moment.  So much to think about.  So much pain to deal with.  You are being very brave and I'm glad you told the girl who told you in her e-mail how you are feeling.  I think people should know.  We spend so much time sparing other people's feelings, but do they bother to offer us the same thoughtfulness.... er no!  So sock it to her Suzy!  Why should she have it all easy?

Love to everyone else ... gayn, gab, Mrs Chaos, Nanook, Lainey2, Lyndalou, bubblicious, Wendeth, Moom and anyone else I've missed!  We've got such a big membership now I can't keep track!  

I would just like to say how grateful I am for all of your lovely messages and support.  You have all been truly wonderful and I couldn't have got through all of this without you all.  

Been feeling very up and down all week.  Have a review appmt with Mr Watts tomorrow but don't think that's going to help.  Think we will probably give it one more go, as that's all we can afford and after that we will have no savings, or anything left.  Not feeling hopeful.  Don't think it's going to work.  I made a deal with the Big Guy upstairs two years ago when my Bil and Sil lost a baby at 20 weeks to Edwards Syndrome.  I was so desperately upset for them, I prayed that they could have a healthy baby, and if they could I would give up any of my future children.  It looks like I'm going to have to honour the deal now even though I'm sure my bil and sil would have had another baby anyway.  That's why I am so negative about our chances and that's why I've lost my faith.  But I owe ds and dh another go and then I think we will be laying it to rest.  I've already organised to sell all of our baby stuff at an NCT sale and I've sold our cotbed today to a lady at work whose daughter is pregnant.  

Also had to cope today with watching teachers being interviewed for the other girl's maternity leave.. the one who is due the day after I was.  It hurt like hell knowing they will never be interviewing for my maternity leave now.  Still I think I'd better start coming to terms with not having any more children.  We have just got off the last carriage on the last chance train and can only afford a ticket for one more go.  Anyway, didn't come on here to moan.  Sorry.

Has anyone else had tummy ache for days after AF after IVF?  My tummy is still hurting now and AF is nearly gone.  

Love to you for now!

Pand


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls


Jo - welcome, secondary infertility is a complete nightmare isn't it, especially when everyone around you is getting pregnant.  Come and vent your frustrations with us!

Whippet - You poor thing, you must be having a nightmare, I really hope something happens overnight for you. Come on   get in those eggs!  


Pand - Thanks for you pm hun.  If you get pregnant you can use all my baby things!  Think it will be a while before I can part with them for good! Thanks for the advice re cycle and also the lap.  Did you know that you had endo before the lap or not? Hope appointment goes well tomorrow.


Tuck - pregnant friends - it's so hard isn't it?  

missyb - 2ww complete nightmare isn't it? I know it's hard but try and think of something else! Hope it happens for you soon.

Must go 


Hi to everyone else

Faithful x


----------



## missyb

evening all!

how is it going? im still trying to get used to working full time and spend most of my evenings trying to stay awake! i apologise if this post is a bit incoherant!

hi pand.. i hope your appt goes well tomorrow and that your cons gives you some hope. i wanted to cry when i read your post. i wish i had the answers with regards to your faith and the bargins we make. all i can say is i hope and pray that you get the bfp that you so deserve.  

hi cinders how are you honey? im so looking forward to my day off tomorrow. im soooooo pooped i'll probably still be in bed when dp gets home from work!!!

hi suzy... how are you doing sweety?   thinking of you.

hi tuck   in the year since i have been on this site i think we have all had incidences of friends or work colleagues who have been pg and either handled it badly or it's in our face, i went thru a spate a few mths ago when 3 of my wk colleagues got pg at about the same time.. none of them had even been trying! our turn will come hun!!

hi bubs...how is that pain now hun? im looking forward to it but part of me is convinced it's not going to work and im going to have wasted another 6mths!! im sure it's just a self defence thing.


hi whippet... im so sorry and i hope that you get a better answer tomorrow and that they are just slow starters.

hi laineylou... how are you doing sweetheart?

hi lainey2.. hope you are well hun xx

hi jobo and welcome to the thread! the girls on here are fab. im waiting for af to start so that i can start the clomid and i have a feeling that it isnt going to work for me. heres hoping that im just being negative today and thatit will work for both you me and bubs! and that all of the lovely ladies on the secondary thread can get bfp's as we all deserve it so much!

hi faithful! how are you hun? the 2ww is a real test of a girls sanity! yesterday i was a nightmare but today i feel a bit more like myself!

hi to all those ive missed!


amanda xx


----------



## bubblicous

evening ladies

woohoo i got away from work early yipeee was meant to be in till 9 but got away at 8 it was derad anyway no one wanted photos 

anyhoos pain is still there killing me but im hoping its a good sign its just so bad that i camt be bothered doing anything i couldnt be bothered at work think that why i got away early

going to have some bms later then that will have been a good few times when the pain has been there so fingers crossed though like u missy im convinvced im wasting 6 months and going through this for nothing 

pand - hunni nice to see u on im the same dont need an excuse to be tired im alway tired just 100 times worse with the clomid  i admire  u have really been through it      its good that u think your going to have another go fingers crossed this time works and you get a gorg bub to hold   

missy - i feel like your 2ww wait is lasting forever and its ur wait god help me when its mine fingers crossed you dont need the nutty pills but if you do then fingers crossed they are good to you 

everyone else big       all round

come on lets get a nice    on the thread lift all our spirits

i bought new pjs at my work got them on the now and now im going to sit and watch tv get a nice cuddle and maybe some more :L:L:L:L:L:L:L:L


----------



## *Lollipop*

Bubb - those pains are ovulation pains..I got them every month I was on clomid..when you do IUI...you give yourself a trigger injection..you have the procedure then you ovulate later on..It feels just like that....Have you also noticed a wet discharge..sorry TMI but this happens also round about the same time thats how I guessed it was ovulation. so dont sorry sweetie...

Pand -  ...with ref to AF..I was the same, I just used the old faithful hot water bottle...xxx.........  ...for your consultation...I am very like you in the way of thinking...now I feel I have enough strength for one more cycle and then I think we will be putting things to bed...I have been taking anti d's for a few months now..not ideal but it is helping me to come to terms with things...We have also started giving away some of our ds things to the charity shop because we are hopefully moving at the end of the year. Its just too painful keeping things in the loft and them staring at you everytime you are up there..dh agreed if its not meant to be this time..if we have a little miracle in the future we will just start again...I really hope he has some answers for you and you come away feeling really positive...   

Whippet - what can I say... ...lets hope they are late developers ok..on my last cycle our embie was just going into a 2 cell on day 3 so It can happen that they develop later. Thinking of you..xxx

Suszy - Hello honey...hope you are well...when is yr next stage now then...?... 

Mrs Chaos - As always thinking of you.....  

Missyb - come on chicken...not long.....  

Hello to everyone else on the thread...love and luck...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## bubblicous

xGabriellex said:


> It feels just like that....Have you also noticed a wet discharge..sorry TMI but this happens also round about the same time thats how I guessed it was ovulation. so dont sorry sweetie...


yip i have woohoo im going to have some bms now fingers crossed that a wee egg pops out


----------



## *Lollipop*

You go for it girl..... .....Im sure it prob is Ovulation but dont quote me on it as Im not a doc but Im sure to be sure.......Good luck.....


----------



## jobo5572

I just wanted to say a big thank you  for all the lovely comments that I've had in response to my post this morning.  Although I'm really new to the site, it's really great to be able "chat" to people who know where you're coming from rather than people who try to be sympathetic and then just start harping on about how hard life is with 2/3 kids etc. when I'd actually quite like the opportunity to find out !

Just feel like the past 2 years of my life has been consumed with either a 2ww to see if I ovulate or not then a 2ww waiting for BFN.  I feel so sorry for my ds as I must've been the mother from hell for the past 2 years of his life as I am so pre-occupied by it all.  I know dh is fed up with it all but I just get angry as he is no support to me whatsoever - after all, he's a bloke and they never have that uncontrollable urge for a child I don't think.  I am so glad I found this website as I really have been going this alone and it's been pants to say the least.  

I also found the first consultant I was referred to really horrible and insensitive - Mr Moran at Worcester RH if anyone else knows him.  I just thought gynae consultants might have had a bit more people skills about them when dealing with such an emotive subject.  I am now under Mr Watts (not literally you understand !) and he seems such a lovely man which is welcome relief.  Pand - is this the same Mr Watts you're seeing ?

Anyway girls, I just really wanted to say thanks to you all  and send you all my best wishes.  I can't thank you enough.  I appreciate that compared to some of you I haven't been waiting as long and that I may not have the same "issues" so I hope I've not offended anyone.  I also apologise for being so low and miserable - not a great way to make friends, eh ?!  I always find Day 1 of AF hard as i expect we all do.

Take care everyone.


----------



## wouldbegreat

Hi bubb and Gab
I think you are right gab i went to doctors before op as i was worried about pains mainly in right side i have had them for about 6 months they are very low in the tummy i had loads of test and they all came back neg i was told it was ovulation pain .One night it was so bad i called a Doctor thinking i had a appendicitis they didn't come out just told me to take paracetamol and see a Doctor the pain can be constant or come in waves .Last month i got them on day 14 till day 20 of a 31 day cycle then this month again day 14 and had the op day 15 so no more as op stopped cycle i am now waiting for af.The  side i get the most pain had 2 clips on right near the end of the tube so hopefully i wont get them so bad now .Sorry for going on a bit hope this helps you understand .

Hi pand what a heart wrenching post i so hope you get your dream honey   

Hi to missyb and all you other lovely friends   
                                                       wouldbegreat


----------



## whippet

Hi folks we got the confirmation today that it is a zero fertilisation for us this cycle. They willn discuss all aspects of our cycle and telephone us prob next week but looks like it will be ICSI in case I have hard eggs! They will advise when we can go again they say it may be sooner than 3 months since we didnt make it to ET. 

In any case yesterday was tough but we both got our fight back today. We went back to fat class ready for round 2, we lost round 1 but not ready to throw the towel in yet.

Anyhow we wish you all the very best in your journeys as for us we will be leaving this thread since we wont be either jan,feb or march miracles but look out April!

Take care all

Whippet x


----------



## wouldbegreat

Ah whippit 
Im sorry to hear its not this time but good for you for having some fight today .
Don't leave us we are still all here for you no matter what not just fertility but other things its nice to hear what your up to and know if your ok or if you just want a winge .
Take care honey       
                                           and im sure the rest of this thread


----------



## Pand

Oh Whippet I'm gutted for you I really am.   What an awful thing to have to deal with.  Glad they have said that they can start tx again a little quicker than you thought.  I know a couple of people who have had good success with ICSI so hopefully this has been your problem and they can fix it for you.  You are being very brave.  Keep swinging hun.


Bub and Gab (and missyb) - Clomid is the drug of the devil!!!!!!!    Had horrendous ovulation pains when I was on it last year!  I tend to get some ovulation pain each month anyway, usually on the side where I had surgery, but with clomid it was both sides and I could barely sit down... but it was only bad for about 24 hours then went as quick as it came.  Took it as a really good sign that the drug was working, so embrace the pain ladies!!!!  Pain is good, pain is eggs!!!!! Lots of hot water bottles and paracetomol!  Good luck!

Jobo - Oh bless Mr Watts!  He is the very same consultant that I am under.  I was with some awful cons before that who could have given a toss about my situation.  Mr Watts is one of the top experts in fertility for Worcester and really knows his stuff.  He has a wonderful bedside manner, is kind, caring and really goest the extra mile for his patients.  I cannot sing his praises enough. When I saw him today, he knew all the ins and outs (excuse the pun!) of my case withouth looking at the notes!  I am so pleased you have been referred to him.  I know a number of other girls with all sorts of infertility problems who have seen him and we all think he is fab.  When do you get to see him?  And by the way, you have not offended anyone!  One thing I have learnt through this journey is regardless as to whether you have been trying for six months or 6 years, been on clomid or had IVF the pain of IF is very real and equally as bad no matter what your circumstances.  There is no hierachy of awfulness, its all one big pile of pooh!  Don't apologise for feeling low... we all take turns!  You are definitely in the right place and I'm sure I speak for all the others, we are 100 per cent behind you!


Gab - thanks for the advice. AF pain is easing off now, but hot water bottle is always a good call!  As ever you are a star!  We seem to be in the same boat don't we?  I totally agree with you re the baby stuff.  It's just too painful having it sitting up there.  Will update on appointment in a mo.

Missyb - I'm with you on the working full time thing! I'm usually no good for anything after 9pm!  Sorry the 2ww is taking its toll!  All I can suggest is eat lots of chocolate!  Thinking of you!

Susie - I know you don't feel up to FF at the mo, but wanted you to know I think of you lots.  PM me if you would like a longer chat than text, but I understand if you just want some space.  Here for you flower.

Lainey-lou - Ditto to you.  

Hi to everyone else!

Am off work today as little ds is poorly, bless him.  Up chucking since early this morning, but now tucking in to several rounds of toast so I think he's on the mend!

Dh had to come home from work even tho he is in the dog box with his boss at the mo so I could go and see the lovely Mr Watts.  He was really disappointed for me.  I love the fact that he cares so much.  He said had he been at work when I lost Tom Tom, he would have advised us to hold fire with the IVF as he feels we have a chance naturally (glad he's got more faith than me!).  He said we have just been very unlucky and he doesn't think there is an underlying cause for the mc or failed IVF.  So the battle plan is to carry on ttc naturally (oh joy) and take stock until the summer.  Then if nothing has happened we will give IVF another go over the Summer Holidays.  Prior to doing so he will do an FSH test too.  So there we are.  I've got to try and be positive about all of this, but the thought of months more of this misery does not fill me with joy!  He still thinks there is a risk of ectopic but said that I shouldn't let that stop us trying naturally.  Dh will be pleased, back to the monthly bms!!!!  

Anyway, ds has just polished off a packet of crisps and is covered, so will have to go and wash him off now!

Will catch up later. 

Love to all you lovely ladies

Pand


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!! just a flying visit from me as im trying to spend a little less time on here as the xbox king has made an official complaint that i spend too much time on here!! 

heard from susie yesterday and she sends her love to one and all. she is having a tough time at the moment. she will be back with us soon. miss you hun xx   

hi pand...how is ds now hun? hope he is getting better. thanks for the advise on the chocolate! on wed i had a spuer hungry day and seemed to consume my body weight in biscuits,chocolate and crap! (not literally!) im so glad that your consultant is so positive and that you have a plan of action!

hi bubs... how are you? i laughed when pand was saying about the pain being good.. i cud just visualise her saying (drill sargent style) pain is good!! lets hope our eggs are listening!! im going to stock up on paracetamol, chocolate and dig out my hot water bottle!

hi whippet... im so so sorry hun. like lainey2 said come on here to have a moan,catch up cry etc.. ive been on here for just under a year and alot of that time i have been waiting to start tests and for other conditions to clear before the fertility cons would take things further.. but i got hooked on finding out how everyone is etc.. anyway, either way i wish you all of the best. lots of  .

hi lainey-lou.. you ok hun?  

hi jobo.. dont apologise hun.. we all take it in turns.. sometimes one of us are up and the other girls on here at fab at saying the right things to pick you up. for that im gratful! lol for being under mr watts tee hee!!


anyway, love to all ive missed. 


amanda xx


----------



## emilycaitlin

Whippet 

I'm so sorry hun, it's just not fair.  Thinking of you xx


----------



## jobo5572

Sorry to hear of your news Whippet  

Thanks again for all your comments.

Does anyone know if Clomid has a cumulative effect or if it just stimulates your body month by month ?  I've been on it now for 8 months (I think !) and I'm kind of tempted to take a break from it for a couple of months, given that it's the drug from hell and makes me feel like poo - nausea, night sweats, bad moods (or is that just DH winding me up constantly ?!), stomach ache etc.  Although Clomid didn't work at first, it finally seems to be making me ovulate and I wonder if that's 'cos it's built up in my body over the months or if it's just coincidence ?  I've only got 2 months supply left and Mr Watts has said that's it - after that we'll have to try either artificial insemination (is this IUI ?) or IVF (which we do depends on DH tadpole quality apparently).  If you need Clomid to build up in your body then I'll stay on it but if it's just a monthly thing then I'm going to stop it for a couple of months and try to lose some lard to see if that makes a difference.  Any ideas folks ?

Pand - I'm seeing Mr Watts again at the beginning of May.  First saw him in November after misery Moran who'd done scans/HSG/blood tests etc. and put me on Clomid.  I then saw him again in December 'cos he wanted to scan me internally to see if I had egg follicles and whether or not I was going to ovulate - then told me the days to have BMS (DH couldn't perform under pressure and I could've killed him   !) - then did a scan afterwards to confirm ovulation.  Said if I wasn't PG by May then we'd have to have artificial insemination/IVF but we'd have to pay as we already have one child, and we'll have to go to Birmingham for the treatment.  Haven't been able to rob a bank yet so not entirely sure how we're going to pay for all this but frankly I'll worry about that later.

Have just been peeing myself at Violet's miraculously speedy labour and delivery in the Rovers Return on Corrie  .  Don't normally find PG/babies funny at the moment but that was hilarious !!

Hope you all have a great weekend.  My DH works odd shifts so am home alone (with DS asleep).  Great to have found you all.


----------



## bubblicous

evening ladies

pand     pain is good you had me in stitches there

missy - stock up well its horrific though i have noticed its worse when im still so ive been trying to keep busy

lainey - ta babes fingers crossed how are you

jobo - god your having fun on the evil drug eh 

whippet - so sorry hunni   

everyone else    

well today i went to the early preg clinic to get checked out they just wanted to check i wasnt over stimulating 
so i got a scan
my endometrium wass 8.3 she said that was nice and thick
my right ovary had 1 follie that was 19mm and few otyher smaller ones she didnt say the size though 
my left had nothing (thinnk thats bad is it not)

anyway she told me to try and have lots of bms as she reckoned id ovulate in the next day or 2 fingers crossed

so are those measurements ok i dont have a clue about these things


----------



## jobo5572

Bubblicious

Sounds like a scan I had just after Christmas, when I was told to go away and have BMS due to the size of 1 follicle (only had one follie on 1 side - nowt on the other) they saw but I'm afraid I can't remember the size.  However, I'm sure your measurements must be spot on otherwise they wouldn't have told you to go and have BMS.  The fact you only had follies on 1 side is OK.  As I understood from what they told me, that is perfectly normal - to have one big follie that is, and only on one side.  If you have large follies on both sides then I think this is when you can have a multiple birth as chances are you're producing 2 eggs - one from each side.  Have they told you to go back in a few days to see if the follie ruptured (i.e. released an egg ?).  Anyway, I'm no medic so I'll shut up !  To cut a long story short, sounds good.  GOOD LUCK !!!!!  Happy bonking


----------



## bubblicous

no i dont need to go back at all they were just checking that i wasnt over stimulated

ive just to go for bloods day 21 which is a week today 

fingers crossed


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## missyb

morning ladies! the xbox king is at work and the girls are at their dads so peace reigns in missyb's house!!  i have been given strict instructions NOT to buy any hpt's today!

so how are we this morning?

hi bubs.. that all sounds good to me hun! good luck and happy BMS to you!

hi jobo as far as im aware clomid doesnt have a cumulative affect. i'll try and look it up for you hun.

hi gabs.. i forgot to say hi to you yesterday (although i was under pressure from he who rules the xbox to geerroooff the laptop!) how are you hun?

hi to all on the secondary thread! i soooo hope we get our bfp's soon. a few of the ladies on the 2ww thread have got bfp's and im delighted for them as they've been on here for a long time.. we sooooo deserve some good news on here!


amanda xx


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## Pand

Morning!

Bub - 19mm is the size of follicle they are looking for when scanning for IVF so it means that follicle is about to ovulate.  We normally only ovulate on one side, although clomid can make both sides work sometimes, but it sounds like your results were bang on normal!  Get to getting jiggy with it asap!  

Jobo - I think clomid does have a cumulative effect as a friend of mine was told it would still be in your system for some time after stopping taking it.  In fact, she was on it for 12 months and after stopping fell pregnant!  I wouldn't stop taking it without discussing it with your cons first if I were you.  I know its the drug of the devil (makes the IVF drugs look like pussy cats!), but hang on in there.  You are in a similar position to where I was about a year ago.  We only did 3 months clomid but that's because it was almost pointless when I only have one tube that is twisted and not working properly!  Ovulation hasn't really been my problem.  If you do end up having IVF you will need to save up about £3000 in total (covering the cost of the drugs), and your treatment will be at the Priory.  I have to say, having just done a cycle with them, they were excellent and it's not as hard as you may think.  If you get to that stage give me a shout and I wil l fill you in on how it all works!

Missyb - Chocolate is good, we love chocolate!  

Whippet - how are you doing my flower?  

Well I've come on for a complete rant this morning... earlier this week I discovered that the Special Needs coordinator/Child Protection Coordinator at our school has got a headship in another school.  Now you may all know/not know that I was in the police for 81/2 years before going into teaching, 3 1/2 years of which I worked as a Child Protection Officer.  There is no one in my school more experienced in that arena than me.  I don't have a lot of Special Needs training, but I have picked up on a lot of children in my classes over the last three years and been right when identifying their problems (dyspraxia, ADHD etc).  So I got all excited when I heard the post was free.  It would have meant moving onto the management scale which is where I want to go with my career and would have been a great stepping stone towards assistant headship/deputy headship and would have given me something to really sink my teeth into and take my mind off all of our problems.  Even the current SENCO wanted me to have her job.  So I made it very well know to our Deputy and Head that I really wanted the job.  I got a phone call yesterday telling me that they have given the job to someone else who is part time and is having to (reluctantly) work an extra day to fulfill the role, with no child protection experience and no SEN qualifications to my knowledge.  She does have a little boy of her own with dyspraxia but that's it as far as I know.  So I feel totally kicked in the teeth.  After getting an "outstanding" in our OFSTED inspection, after not taking time off work during my IVF cycle so as not to put them out (and consequently stuffing up our chances) after being so loyal to them, this is the thanks I get.  The only reason I can think they didn't give it to me is that I have been trying for a baby.  So if that is the case then I'm never going to get anywhere in my career cos that situation could go on for years yet.  

I'm so angry and upset.  I can't have a baby, I can't have a career.  I'm just not allowed to have anything.  I cried buckets last night.  I just can't seem to win.  I'm seriously considering moving schools now.  

Sorry for the rant but other people just don't seem to understand.  People have been saying to me "Well perhaps they didn't want you to be under any more stress."  For gods sake!  It would have been a pleasure to be focussed on something else for a change!  Nothing could make my stress levels any worse than they already are.  And anyway, surely that should be my call?  I feel like I'm being penalised for being barren.  Talk about add insult to injury.

Sorry, just so fed up.

Pand


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## missyb

aw pand honey im so sorry!! i know from personal experience that having a new job has been so helpful in giving me something else to focus on. you wanting to have a baby has nothing to do with your suitability for the job and that shouldnt have been a factor.(though as you know and feel it could be the only possible reason that they didnt chose you) i know for a fact that the best person DID NOT get the job and by the sounds of it they will live to regret that decision as i imagine that the child protection side of things is very complex. i imagine the special needs side of things would be easier to learn than the child protection side (which i can imagine has a huge legal side to it)...too much use of the word imagine.. but i can only guess as i have no real knowledge of either.

hun i wish i could make it better. you just seem to have been thru one knock after the other and it is just so unfair. you have been so strong and still have the energy to worry about us. i dont know how you do it hun.


amanda xx


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## jobo5572

Oh Pand that is way out of order and so wrong of them and I'm sorry you're feeling so [email protected]  I don't trust employers when it comes to women/babies/pregnancy etc. and much as they say they are being politically correct etc. and not taking those things into account I don't believe them.  Hopefully they'll fall flat on their face with the woman they've chosen as she has no experience/qualifications and they'll end up in a pile of poo - and if she's having to reluctantly work an extra day I can't see that lasting either.

I can completely understand your frustrations and anger at the fact that you didn't take time off for your IVF etc. for works benefit and it just makes it all seem even worse - you bent over backwards for them and they've done nowt for you.  I've had a dire time with my employers now for (roughly) the length of time I've been TTC.  We've had major reorganisations and job moves/relocations/redundancies and it has been extremely stressful to the point where it was making me ill.  I'm stupid in the fact that my GP was wanting to sign me off sick as work was getting to me that much, and coupled with the infertility stuff and other things, it was virtually tipping me over the edge.  Not that they can be certain, but the GP was saying that as stress was a major factor in relation to TTC, my job could be making my situation worse - well, it certainly wouldn't be helping.  But no, stupidly I've carried on working and haven't taken any time off sick, and have worked extra hours to cover those times I've been to endless appointments.  Work have no idea what's going on in my personal life and I deliberately haven't mentioned it as I know it would go against me.  When they're pointing the finger at people they're trying to get rid of due to budget cuts etc., then someone openly TTC would be one of their 1st targets, surely ?  Who knows if I'd have fallen PG without all this going on ? Perhaps I wouldn't have anyway, but I'll always wonder.

Like you say about what people have said to you about perhaps they didn't want to put you under any more stress, that should've been for you to decide, not them.  They should have at least given you the option.  And don't say you're "being penalised just for being barren" - don't be silly - it's them that's at fault, not you.  Don't be beating yourself up over this, please.  You have every right to have another baby - it will just take more time than your average person - and lets face it, who wants to be average ?!  I am so angry/annoyed/upset for you I really am.  Possibly because I'm stupid enough to still put work first myself when I should sort myself out first and worry about them much later down the line so I can understand where you're coming from.

Thanks for your advice on Clomid - have just taken this months first pills, albeit just into day 3 of cycle when I should've had them yesterday, but should be OK I hope.  Tried to ring Mr Watts secretary yesterday to get advice but she was on leave.  Also got a rollocking from DH for not taking them.  Wish they had a drug that would make men feel as [email protected] as they make me feel.  Bl00dy men - they have no idea.

Anyway mi' dear I'll stop harping on.  Just wanted to let you know I fully sympathise with your situation and I think your employers have been extremely unprofessional in their judgement.


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## tuck

hi girls

Pand honey i can't believe your post re. that job. I work in Personnel and have done my fair share of recruitment and it certainly seems that you were the best person for the job.

Did they do an interview for the job?? If so it certainly sounds as if you meet the job spec/person spec. What I would like to be knowing if i were you and you did lose out at interview is why?? What gave the other candidate edge over you - i would like feedback and proof that they followed a fair objective selection procedure. They cannot use the fact that you are ttc as a factor agst giving you that job.

If they didn't do interviews then they have not selected for the post fairly and you may have been discriminated against, any vacancy should be advertised and people should have the opportunity to apply - its not good enough just giving it to someone else as she doesn't sound best person for the job. Not equal opportunities!!!!! I would want some discussions - it won't do you any harm and would register to them that you are interested in developing your career and frankly don't want to be overlooked!!

_"I'm so angry and upset. I can't have a baby, I can't have a career. I'm just not allowed to have anything. I cried buckets last night. I just can't seem to win. I'm seriously considering moving schools now _ big   how I identify with that comment and I am so sorry for you I really am... I'd seriously like a word with them

jobo your job sounds a mare too.- it is so hard to get that balance isn't it . but to discriminate against someone ttc and going for appts etc is totally illegal under the Sex Discrim Act and whether it is direct or indirect they are on very sticky ground if that is the only reason someone was being targeted for redundancy . Sorry lecture over but it is something i feel very strongly about.
Good luck with your clomid this month.

Bub - everything is sounding promising honey 

Have had a really sh**t week still processing the news of 3 of the 5 of us being 4 months pregnant without telling me. I just don't know what to do now. To keep on seeing them will destroy me but i can't very well cut them all off cos their kids are ds friends and ds friends mean a lot to him cos he's an only child aaaahhh!!!! what did you do. ... i know when they get together all talk will be baby talk and i can't even think what it will be like july /aug. 

cinders i love your suggestion of befriending post menopausal women  only you're right at least we would be safe. Also have a few single friends and friends who have completed their families and it seems easier with them. Hope you are ok.

Lots of   to everyone.
Tuckxx


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## whippet

Pand you certainly going through it just now honey hang in there your time will come got to ry and stay positive   

Tuck I know what you mean with all the pregnant folk in our paths out there  

Missb hang in there honey men just dont understand fully all though they try  

Bub no guessing what you be doing this weekend   

As for me feel like just treading water waiting on thursday to the consultant calls and hopefully tells us where we go from here. Diet start tomorrow gives us a different focus for a while.

Whippet x


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## jobo5572

Hi everyone.  Have just returned from a 4 year olds birthday party full of kids with younger siblings, babies and PG women.  Just want to scream !  My poor ds was the only only child.  I hope he doesn't notice these things like I do !  I know I seem to hone in on it all and I hope it doesn't rub off on him.

Tuck - you're right - my job is a nightmare at the mo and has been for some time.  You wouldn't believe half the things that have been going on - it's outrageous.  Sadly we have a very poor Union rep so nothing has been done about it either and they are getting away with it.

And I know what you mean about all your friends around being PG and not mentioning it.  I was part of an NCT group with my ds and 4 out of 5 (I'm the 5th !) have had no.2.  Don't actually meet up with them any more as it was all getting too much - constant baby talk and babies in my face was driving me insane.  Met other friends locally through having ds and all have had no.2 and in fact some have had no.2 & 3 or are PG with no.3, all in the time I've been TTC no.2.  Find it really hard not to get angry with them when they're having a moan about how tough life is with more than one kid - as if I'd know.  Another friend that I met prior to conceiving ds was extremely insensitive when she fell PG with no.2, to the point that we don't really speak any more.  She was aware of my situation but just told me to "pull myself together" as "I don't have anything to worry about" when she announced her pregnancy - by text !!!!!!  How thoughtful.  Shan't go on but I know that you'll all understand where I'm coming from.  And Tuck don't worry about July/Aug - we'll all still be here for you.  

Bubblicious - hope you're not too worn out ! 

 to all


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## bubblicous

pand - thats awful did they interview for the job by law they have to do that do they not
its so not fair   
i felt like this about a month agao as i was denied a move which was good for my carear but it wasnt a promotion so that must make it wore your not barren hunni dont think that your just having a bit of bother though now where its coming from as ive said it a few times fingers crossed things start to look up for you as you deserve it 

jobo - i know how you feel i work in a photo centre soend the day developing photos of new babies and the number of scam pictures we get to copy to is unbelieveable plus its in a supermarket and today everywhere i turned there was a lady who was struting around with a gorg bump i was so jellous 
one day it will be us i hope  

missy - hows u hunni af here yet are u on the nutty pills not long to go till your as hormonal as me 

whippet - diets are good to focus on fingers crossed for thursday hunni 

tuck -  it must be so hard and your friends must know how ard it is for you though still dont agree with them keeping it a secret but hey its done now be strong hunnni 

well as for me been at work all day did the bms last night and then when dh picked me up from work i suggested we do bms tonigh and then tomorrow morn befotre i got to work and then when i get in tomorrow night
he asked me if all he was was a sperm machine   well what does he expect if im ovulating this weekend im determend to catch this egg

well im off for a chinese and to get my dd in bed


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## missyb

evening ladies!!

just a quickie from me as im just back from a night out with dp and the girls. we went to the cinema and for a meal which was lovely. which wasnt lovely was that af decided to arrive just before we went to the cinema!! 2 days early. i just feel useless! i mean this mth we tried so hard (and exhausted ourselves in the process!) for what? to come on 2 days early!! i jut felt that maybe this mth would be different! who am i trying to kid? anyway, so as of tomorrow im starting the nutty pills! i'd like to have a good cry.. but i guess i have alot to be thankful for and i dont have it as bad as everyone else.


sorry for the me post.


love you all loads...


amanda xx


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## jobo5572

missyb - you're not useless !!!  Best of luck with the Clomid - you may be fine with it as not everyone has side effects.   Chin up.


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## lawsy

missy b- good luck with the clomid, I am due to start in the nxt couple of weeks!

love n luck to everyone else xxxxxxxx


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## moominemma

Hi all,

Just a quick one as just flew in from holiday this evening. So sorry to hear your news pand, was hoping things would work. Not fair about the job either.

Hope everyone else is ok on this growing thread. Why weren't you lot on holiday with me?Instead we were surrounded by families of 2 or more children and fat pregnant ladies! And to top it all off AF landed in the middle of the week. Happily though I did get the promotion I went for (bit scared I did the wrong thing now!) so we are not all discriminated against!

Take care,

Emma x


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## cinders35

Just a quick hello to all.
Got a 5.30am start tommorrow, so off to bed now!
MIL staying  .
Pand darling, there was some good advice in there somewhere. I'm sure 'they' are obliged to advertise the post, so that everyone has equal chance.
Defo need to speak up on this one, and point out all your amazing qualities!!!!    
You are one fab lady, and you're time will come, at some point hun!!!!  

Missyb, sorry about that af. Hope you managed a few drinks on your night out at least! It really is hard this trying and trying. It's just so exhausting emotionally, hopes building up each and every month, to be dashed down by that stupid af that seems to show up without fail.   Sorry hun. I guess at least you have the clomid, you'll show that ole witch, I'm sure you will!!!   
Someone else mentioned how they thought they may not have been such a good Mum due to the stress of ttc. That is me, yet another thing to feel guilty about.  

Anyway, I'm glad to have you guy's. My lifeline.

Love Cindersxxx


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## Jo1983

ladies,

Long time no post I know.....I'm sorry just don't seem to have had time, what with going back to work and half term. It was my dh's birthday too so been really busy.

There's soooo much to catch up with, you girlies certainly know how to  

I'm not even going to attempt to do any personals today. 

But I wan't to send a massive   to Pand and Whippet, thinking of you both xx

Hi to the new people, you are definately in the right place for some great advice and fantastic support, hope to get to know you all better 

To all of us who are feeling down at the minute and are having problems    

To those of us who are starting/in the middle of tx     

Basically to stop my jibbering on, just want to send lot's of luck, love,   and   to everyone!  

I have my appointment tomo at 1pm to see whether I'm going to go for ivf or tubal surgery, I'm so excited at the thought of being one step further along, but for some reason I am really nervous   Keeping my fingers crossed that it'll be some good news tomo.

Anywho I have to go and try and sleep for an hour before the school run as I have work at 7 tonight....what a joy!

Will be back soon this time.

Jo
xxx


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## bubblicous

morning all 

missy - sorry to here af arrived your not useless hunni  good luck with the nutty pills let me know how you are hunni

jo - good luck with your appointment   

cinder - mil staying poor you i dont think id let mine    hope your ok though  

moominemma - congrats on your promotion  

as for me im not havng a great day such a moody cow i am feeling totaly down in the dumps
worked all weekend and feel crap for it had loads of bms though so fingers crossed i ovulated and dh   gcaught my little eggie 

im still crampy and have a sore back but no where near as bad as it had been 

well im off    to all


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## Pand

Hi everyone,

Interesting day at work today.  Head came to see me and asked me to take on some poxy project.  Knew she would to try and keep me sweet.  I asked her for feedback as to why I hadn't been given the SENCO post.  She told me that as soon as the current SENCO told her she was looking for jobs, she approached this other teacher cos she had shown an interest some time ago.  She said "I hadn't even thought about you!"  I asked what qualifications the other teacher had, she told me she has a son with special needs.... that's it!  No formal qualifications, no Child Protection experience, no multi agency experience!  So I told her I was absolutely gutted and she said "Well I had to think how I was going to support you because you could still get pregnant and you don't need any extra pressure!"  AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  I am SOOOO mad.  I told her straight I've got a cat in hells chance of getting pregnant and then pointed out that I've never let any of my IF impact on the quality of my work (unlike some other teachers at the school).  So that's that.  I've contacted my contacts at DSs school and am going to meet with the acting deputy on Wednesday to see if there are any jobs coming up there.  I am so flipping mad, hurt and upset.  As if all of this is not a nightmare enough, now people at work are using it as an excuse to do what the hell they want!  The current SENCO and acting deputy head at my school have both said they think I would have done an excellent job.  The acting deputy told me I was a very valued member of staff, a talented teacher and that they don't want to lose me.  I've made my feelings very clear.  They can shove their job and I've come home early today.  I'm not a mug and I won't be treated like a flipping doormat!  

Sorry for the rant, but I don't think anyone else really understands how insulting and patronising this all is!  

I may try and post later, but in the meantime, Suzy I know you're online sometimes, and I understand you keeping your distance, but I miss you mate.  

Cinders - Have texted you.

Everyone else, love you all to bits.  Sorry to be such a moaning minnie at the moment!  You are my sanity savers!  

Love and kisses

Pand


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## bubblicous

OMG pand i cant believe she said that to you thats almost discrimination so it is o what happens if this other woman becomes pregnant i mean really who the hell does she think she is

im really annoyed now about that i cant believe it

i think your right to look elsewhere hunni 

im also really shocked the woman has no formal qualifications if i was a parent at the school id be verry annoyed that they were letting someone with out formal qualifications do the job

anyway chin up hunni 

sorry i ranted a bit there just really riled me 

goodluck for wednesday


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## lawsy

Hi Pand, fully agree n understand I am a teacher too!! So unfair!

My work are being really supportive, but I'm only at the Clomid stage, so we'll see how it really is if it gets further down the IF route, hopefully not!

               
to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## wouldbegreat

Hi pand 
I think the way you have been treated is disgusting and they have discriminated against you without a doubt .They don't have the right to put your life on hold .And defiantly don't deserve you at all .I don't blame you for looking elsewhere even if it rocks thier boat don't do them any favours by staying if you find something better .You have had a tough time lately honey everything always happens at the same time doesn't it .
                                                   wouldbegreat


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## Pand

Thanks everyone, it's so good to talk to people who understand!  

Lawsy - what age do you teach and where do you teach?  It's amazing how many people on here are in the public services!  You know what they say... bad things only happen to good people!  

I've calmed down a little bit now after 2 glasses of baileys!  God love Baileys!  

Thanks for your support everyone!

Will try not to grump so much for the rest of this week! (can't promise tho!)

Love you all so much.

Pand


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## jobo5572

Pand that is way out of order   and a firm case for discrimination.  It's blatantly obvious from what you've said that the woman is lying - in one breath she said "she hadn't thought of you" and then in the next about all the pregnancy [email protected]  What a liar.  If you feel strong enough I'd pursue this one as it is bang out of order.

I work for the government (for my sins   !) but have never dared mention the IF stuff and tx etc. nor have I let it make my work suffer - bloody daft really as no-one would bat an eye lid if I was having my broken leg seen to or something. (I haven't got a broken leg by the way, it's just the 1st thing that came into my head !).

Wanted to come onto the website last night to post but was too tired - I had a meal out with 3 friends - one 32 weeks PG (with 3rd child), one with a 10 week old (3rd baby), one with 2 kids and talking about going for no.3.  All the time I'm sitting there wishing I could have no.2 and wishing they wouldn't be so insensitive.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think they were doing it deliberately, but all night long they just kept going on about the trials of having more than one child, how great/[email protected] it is being PG, the latest buggies on the market, etc. etc. and I just wanted to crawl into the corner and cry.  And in all fairness to them, they all had something in common whereas who wants to sit and chat about infertility and how [email protected] life is ?  I was so upset by the time I got home that I just went to bed and sobbed  .  I appreciate people don't understand unless they've been there but hey, they could have some tact about them surely ?

Anyway, big hugs       to you all - don't know what I'd do without you !


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## lawsy

I am a performing arts n drama tutor at an international school in malaga, I teach yrs 3 right up to yr 13, so pretty busy, I reckon sometimes the stress of our job doesnt help! I love it, but it´s hard work!

Jobo, I know exactly what u mean I have a relatively new friend who moved here a yr ago n in early conversation it came up that she´d been trying for a baby n how stressed n worried she was cos it´d been 6 mths n she´d fallen so easily with her first two n now she´s 6mths pg n really throwin it in my face..........n IU mean she´s extreme, she talks of nothin else. Again I am chuffed for her but I feel like she´s sooooooooooooo insensitive.............In the end for my own sanity I have had to seriously back off!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bitter old hag!!!!


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## lyndalou

Pand   So sorry to read about your bfn hon and then to be having probs with work too 

Faithfull So sorry hon Hope your ok  

Whippet  What a bummer! Devastating to get that far and then hit a brick wall. Hopefully ICSI will work better for you x

Lianey / emily  Im also doing WW. Am sitting here starving. Going to make up a Zero point soup recipe! Will eat that for rest
                    of day but can hear the chocolate calling  

Just back from skiing. No broken bones but spent most of the time on my butt! 

Have app with consultant tomo to organise dates to start  

Much love to all you lovely ladies


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## sarylou

hello ladies long time no speak
Havent had a chanced to catch up so no personals as such. but massive hugs to those in need right now.

Still planning our wedding-only 5 months til the big day.
But the prospect of kids in the future is dwindling fast. DF has again expressed his feelings on us not having kids and I am trying to get my head round it all. DS turns 10 in 5 months so thats also weighing heavy on my mind. 
I just feel somedays if I cant be a mum again what life is that? Im hoping you ladies know what i mean by that as none of my closest friends have kids and those that do have several so they cant comprehend it.

Sorry this is turning into a real me post-havent been able to log in for so long now. 

  to everyone xxx


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## missyb

hi ladies!!

the xbox king is in oxford for 2 nights so i have the laptop to myself!!!  

how are we today?

so far on the nutty pill front im ok... ive been taking them at night so that i dont have to tolerate the side effects all day (thanks bubs for that tip!)

hi cinders!! thank you for being so positive hun.. hopefully the clomid will help. please hun dont feel guilty, you are a fantastic mum (dinosaur cake baking uber mum!!). how is it going with MIL? hope it's ok.. do you need me & pand to drive the gettaway car and kidnap you in operation rescue cinders?? lol x

hi susie.. thinking of you babes xx

hi sarylou... dont apologise for a me post. we all need to do it just to get things off of our chest. im so sorry that df has decided what he has decided..  i hope that your wedding plans are going well and that it's not too stressful!!

hi pand... ive pm'd you hun.. thanks for your pm   

hi lainey-lou... where are you hun.. i miss you  

hi susie... i miss you too and hope you had a nice time for ds's b'day

awww jobo i read your post and wanted to cry for you.. i guess sometimes we expect our friends to understand but they dont. ive always found it funny who the friends ive met on here seem to understand and have been there for me so much more than some of my 'real' friends... crazy eh?   hun xx

right im going to go before i lose my post!!


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## missyb

right i didnt lose it yay!!

hi lyndalou... glad the skiing went ok and no broken bones!

hi lawsy... im so sorry about your friend... some ppl wouldnt know sensitivity if it grabbed them by the collar,slapped them in the face and screamed '... im sensitivity!!' it makes me soooo mad!! 

hi jo1983 how did your appr go? hope it went well hun xx

hi bubs.. how are you doing sweet heart? day on day 3 of the nutty pills! when are you going for a tracking scan? 

hi gayn!! how are you sweety... im sure that dam skirt has shrank!!! i blame the environment!


anyway, im off to tidy up as i have some friends coming over for a girly night! tomorrow night im planning a quiet one... just me, bridget jones' diary (dvd with the lucious hugh grant and colin firth...pervy thoughts..) and a bottle of plonk!!



love you all


amanda xx


----------



## Jo1983

Hey everyone,

How is everyone today? Good I hope. 

Just a quickie tonight as I'm at work (naughty me)

Had my app with con today. Basically said that surgery on my tubes was not an option as they (plus the rest of my insides) are so damaged.
Our only option is ivf.....so I have decided to go for egg sharing. I'm now waiting for the Nurse to call me and make an app with the egg sharing con, once I have been given the all clear to donate I have to see a councellor and after that I will start my tx.

Con said all in all it should be roughly 6 months until I start the ivf. I'm really happy that the surgery decision was taken out of my hands as I was really worried that if I didn't go for it I would always wonder what if and if I did go for it that the surgery wouldn't be succesful and we would have to go for ivf and therefore would have wasted another year.

Really anxious about the tx, I think it's the unknown factor and obviously it may not be succesful. But can't worry about those things I guess what's meant to be will be  

Have any of you ladies donated eggs? Also any info on ivf would be super as I'm so worried about it all  

Sorry for the me post, love to all you lovely ladies.

  

Jo xxx


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## lyndalou

Amanda I am an widow too [ I have to prise him off it ] Hope you have a nice girly evening with your friends x

Jo Ivf is a scarey thought. I remember when our consultant first mentioned it i thought holy cow 
but you will find loads of information on this site and loads of lovely people to help you through it!
If you have any questions Fire Ahead im sure between us we can awnser them hon

Love Linda x


----------



## SUSZY

My god girls - you lot cannot half chat for England, it has taken me for ever to catch up and so much has been happening to everyone.  I started reading up last night but got too tired.

I am feeling much better thanks girls and realise once again we all feel the same just at different times.
I so enjoyed our trip to cparcs to be honest its been a busy few weeks what with half term the week before last and then lots of birthdays as all my antenatal groups have kids the same age and bdays really close together - so do know what you are going through Jobo and Jo I really do have been there and got the t shirt and its not fun.
Anyway last week was quite a week what with a counselling session, a good session at meditation, trip to Aglow a womens prayer group and Wed am a session with my angel lady (she was talking about baby boy!!) meeting up with an old friend so I am trying to cover all bases.
Thursday evening we had the WII party with three he is very close to, his best friends who happen to be girls and another little boy (he is my god son and his mum is ds) and he was born 8 hours after and we went to school together with her and her hubbie, she a little more organised with me and he is very good at reading and has always gone to bed at 730 a far cry from ds.  Anyway as ever I digress I must be feeling ok again, it was a nice time despite two of the mums not seeing eye to eye and one of the mums is one who I felt let down by last year.  I also realised I have changed a bit or released people or whatever I just feel a bit different.
We then went to cparcs and despite dh and I really not getting on atall although think we might be again now we had a lovely weekend, I am not sure if you girls have the phase where you are not even sure if you like your partner anymore or vice versa - this whole if journey just puts so much pressure on.  Anyway with my parents and dhs sister we had a lot of fun, lots of wine and champagne and i spent about 10 hours in the Aqua sauna part half on Sat with my mum and SIL - I seemed to get a lot off my chest re the girls at school in one of the steam rooms and feel better for it!!!! and then on Sun with dh and although we were not as lovely dovey as we should have been it was ok. I spent a lot of time in this laconium room and feel I might have meditated and sorted stuff.
Today I went on a school trip and that was quite fun.  ds has his last two parties this weekend I realise that I am a little over the top but this will be the last year.  i also saw him with the whole class and realise he is not one of the mover and grovers and does not always play well in large groups (always known this he is a one to one kind of boy and seems to prefer girls - well he must take after his mother as i was like that with boys) so perhaps that might explain why he gets overlooked sometimes.  Not sure why I have changed so much as was in a right old strop even on Sat about him being the only boy to be left out of a party and now i don't think I am so.
anyway I think I might be back so be ware we are going to use even more pages up.

Whippet -    I am so so sorry darling and i am here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on     

Pand-    I am so sorry for all you have been through - they seem totally out of order at school and what with the empowerment and knowledge and experience you get off the girls on here i really do think that you can fight this. It seems so out of order and unfair, you are such an excellent teacher you can tell and have such pride in your job - I wish you were my teacher let alone ds. You have to decide whether you want to still get that job as think you could do with what everyone has said on here or move to another school perhaps do less hours for a while and give this baby thing one more bash.  you know you can conceive naturally as you have done it, if somehow which I know is impossible but say it was you could just spend the next few months having bms in a random fashion and not even think about dates (yes I know its impossible) and not have so much stress at school and when that naughty boy gives you hassle go straight to the head teacher and tell him off.  I struggle with all this IF stuff and that is without a job I am not sure how you girls do it.  Love you and wish you all the best and thanks for being there for me.  I did not do so badly at cparcs only saw about three preg women but obviously everyone had two and I did notice that a lot.

sarylou -    nice to hear from you and good luck with everything   

lainey 2    hope you are ok sweetheart 

bubs -   thinking of you and all that BMS not sure how you do it - good luck - your bad moods will be down to the clommid they make everything seem so much worse

lawsy -     welcome as you can see we are a very chatty and friendly bunch - you and Kay both in Spain with that nice weather - we are jealous- people can be so insensitive you just want to scream at them!  your job title sounds amazing and it sounds a great job  could do with something like that.

jo83    nice to hear from you - when was ds bday mine was on Friday - will respond to pm and please pm ATCC she will be pleased to hear from you. There is an egg sharing thread and a donating one and also dE newbies that I post on so feel free to come over to any of those - best thing it so keep looking

Nanook -     how are you sweetheart - how are things - thinking of you and am sure we could compare notes sometimes as dh has been annoying me lately!

Wendeth     sending you love and hugs and healing

Tuck -    so thinking of you with those friends being preg and not telling you - I know how hard it is I have been there and done it and remember the pain so well.  re spoiling our kids its so hard to get the balance right. - here for you sweetheart  - sending you lots of    re your job and everything - we are all here for you - its so hard to know whether to carry on - as have just written to   jobo     its so hard as when they hit school things change and some of the people I had enduring times with I dont see or cannot forgive so its a tough one and just wish I had not put myself in those positions.

ffh     so sorry too thinking of you

missby -     thanks for your support - glad you had a good evening but so sorry about af and hope the clommid not making you feel too terrible.  Your girls night in sounds brill - I just wish we all lived closer and we could have one each week - the only problem is not sure that we would all get a word in edge ways  we are all such chatterboxes but think we would spend the night laughing, crying, swearing but it would be wonderful but not sure we would have time to fit us all in!  Its a lovely thought though, I am so glad to be back girls, it feels good if not a bit time consuming, the lap top is playing up - I am having to post and save as just lost another load - Lyndalous 2nd post gave me a fright as thought I had lost it all.  so know what you mean about friends on here understanding and the ones on the outside not - I feel closer to you lot and am sorry for leaving you for a few days   and am glad to be back.  Its made me a bit harsher with the outside world though and less tolerant and forgiving!

lainey lou -    good luck with WW or FF but too like Fert friends - there are quite a few of us doing it think cinders is right re aa and ff
think we could really be onto something with that

Ec -    thinking of you and am here for you - I know its so hard, hope trip/visit went ok. know I have had a glass of wine but if you ever need help on this thread let me know.

gab -    sweetheart - thinking of you as ever - wishing you lots of luck and love

jobo -   welcome - so understand where you are coming from - it is so normal and I so understand and clommid makes it worse, I have been there and got the t shirt and its not pleasant but at least we have FF now to help support us.  What you wrote is what i was doing 3 /4 years ago and so wish I had you lot back then, its so painful and now ds is at school some of those people we dont see anymore - I never envisioned it like that but a few of the groups have dropped due to distance etc and now I wish I had not put myself through the pain.  some of those people only like fair weather friends and it does not last if only I had known then I perhaps would not have put myself through so much pain or if I had met you lot I might have felt in a stronger position to talk up for 2ndry IF rather than just sit there with a broken heart.  I am not sure how it will be for me next as have taken myself out of those situations to the extreme - its so hard and does not get any easier - just with a glass or two of wine and you lot.  I actually think that clomid exaberates those feelings - I remember sitting there on afternoons and evening where we all met up crying and sobbing even after just one glass so just be warned and careful and we are here for you ! you can pm me any time.

honeyprincess -    thinking of you sweetheart - hope you are ok

cinders -    glad you enjoyed Disney and sorry re all the families with more than one kid - I notice it so much and that is bothering me more than a bump at mo.  Good luck re WW think you are right about WW FF and AA !!!!   You really need to write that book , we could raise funds for FF we have all the characters and all the knowledge - everyone is on here -there is so much experience and expertise in the prof world on top of all our IF experience - I really think you can do it as you have such a way with words

samblue  how are you

gayn - thinking of you as ever sweetheart

lyndalou - good to hear from you and glad you enjoyed skiing would love to have gone - take care and good luck

well lots of love and kisses and healing to you all - its so good to be back, might not be every night perhaps every other or so but thanks for being there girls and for understanding, empathizing, and sympathising

love you all lots


----------



## lyndalou

Amanda   Sorry that was suppose to say I am an XBOX widow too. Prob completely confused when you read the above sorry x


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## missyb

lmao lyndalou!! have just come on to shut the laptop off and the funny thing is i knew exactly what you meant thow!! ive had a couple of glasses of vino and a fab night!!! love to all!


amanda xx


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## Mrs Chaos

Hi girls
 took me forever to catch up, so sorry if I miss anyone  
First of all *Pand*, can I suggest you request access from the Work Issues board my lovely, as I too think you are being discriminated against. An employer is not allowed to defer promotion etc (as far as I am aware) due to your sex, which is basically what has happened as they have obviously discussed your personal circumstances which affected them considering you for the post. I thought employers were supposed to recruit the best suited person ie qualifications, experience etc especially in Education!?   
I would be   sending huge 

*MissyB*  oh hun I'm so sorry AF reared her ugly head 2 days early  Sending huge  and some choccy cake  stuff the diet...and blame the "Shrinking Fairies" for the clothes   happens ALL the time in my wardrobe 

*Suszy*,  I don't think you have anything to worry about at all with your little man my darlin. My biggest fear was my ds not having any mates, or being the lonely little boy on his own in the playground at playtime, but I think they do make as many or as few friends as they see fit. My ds was (and still is) quite selective about who he "hung around with" and he wasn't exactly in the "in crowd". He didn't really get that many party invites only from his "close" mates, which was a relief as it gets ridiculous with too many if I'm honest as it costs a fortune doesn't it if there's 1 a week (or is that me being a miser)  
He has always been quite studious so he wasn't into the physical side of playing at Infants and Juniors but now...he is a strapping 5ft 9" hunk, who plays rugby for the school squad, local village U16s and his cadet detachment and has more party invites and a better social life than me and dh! He has always had a lot of female friends too and he is still close to them now, in fact he has been dating one of them for the past 9 months (saw that one coming)  and she is such a lovely girl, studious, ambitious like him and they share so much together interests, sports etc so, please, try to worry, our children find their feet and do get on with their lives a lot better than we think  
*Jobo *  I could have written that post myself about feeling like my ds was the "only only child" at the party  I so know how you feel, but please try not to be so hard on yourself. Hun, I have beaten myself up over the past 12 years about not having a sibling for my ds, and although yes, they do have their own need/desire for that sibling, they are by no means deficient socially or emotionally. We do (inadvertently) transfer our own emotions, our sense of failure/inadequacy etc onto our children, (which is understandable and normal) but trust me sweetheart, our "only" child grows up so loved, so emotionally grounded and so much stronger because of it, if this is how it is meant to be as it is with my ds. We are ultra sensitive to their friend's mums who parade the subsequent pg tummies, and siblings and it hurts, god it hurts, but we must look at our gorgeous child/children and know how special they are  It has taken me a long, long time to get to this place, and I too still have the odd wobble (had one last September when my sil announced her 2nd pg after 1 month of ttc, her eldest turned 3 yrs this Jan and she took 2 months ttc!)  and it is still hard...but somehow I am able to cope and control my instinct to scream how unfair it is...and smile and be happy...as I have learned soooo many times over the years when my ds would come home from school and announced his friend now has a little sis or little bro, or someones mummy is pg...again... As Suszy says the clomid amplifies everything by 1000 I was a wreck on it  
*Cinders *  definitely write that book girl! I think it would be marvellous to illustrate our perspective of 2ndry IF. I always felt (and still do, to be honest) that we are judged less sympathetically than we should be, by the medical profession, society and the media. No-one truly understands the pain and heartache we sense and feel, and how it affects our very being as a mother. I personally feel it would be a best seller in the world of IF and every bl&&dy (patronising) Consultant and doctor in the country should be made to read it! and hopefully treat us with more respect and empathy. Hope all is ok with you my lovely 
*Gab*  thinking of you sweetheart 
Emilycaitlin, Nanook, Lainey-Lou, Tuck, Wendeth, Bubs, Lynda, Whippet, Lainey2, Sarylou, Lawsy, Jo83, Moomin, Ec & Honeyprincess & anyone I've missed thinking of you all  

All ok in the House of Chaos. Ds is away this weekend with Cadets not back until late Sunday evening. I should be used to this now but I know I shall be mooching around like a lost sheep until he txts me he is there, txts me he is on his way back home, and until he walks through the door looking like cr&p and needing 2 baths and fooooood!   
Hoping for a nice peaceful (lazy) weekend 

Beautiful day here, might even venture out into the garden  (somebody stop me!) 

Lotsa love to all
Gayn
XX


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## angel83

Hi everyone

How are you all.

It good to see you posting Suszy - I hope your ok.

My AF arrived today, 2 days early too. Im blaming the Tamoxifen as it was my 1st month of it. I am back to see my consultant on Tuesday and i really want to move forward to IUI. Im just hoping he agrees. 

I will be pregnant again. I will have another baby. There is no shame in wanting to expand your family. Im a good person (sometimes) and i need this so much.

Angel83


----------



## bubblicous

hey everyone

wasnt on yesterday was having a bad day so spent the day in bed (you lot must think im a lazy cow) watching the heros boxset then went to work last night though the girl i was working kept asking me to smile i must have had a face like thunder on me all night she kept saying she wanted me back happy chirppy me not down in the dumps me but i just couldnt bring myself to do it 

today aint much better dh took eldest to school and youngest is still here with me i could go to nursery could be bothered with al the when you having another one questions that i seem to get every other day in one form or another
i dont know what is wrong with me at all i feel crap constantly tired and have the sorest (.)(.) in the world they are enormous and sore and i hate carrying them about with me 

missy - hey hunni bunni  im glad the nutty pills arent affecting you to much hope your geering up for all the     your going to be having thinking about you babes im on the dreaded   at the moment and im just praying   comes 

suzy - hey sweetie you have been a busy bee glad your counselling went ok hunni   

mrs chaos - did you go out into the garend i always think the fresh air lifts your spirits though i cant muster the energy to venture out though need to go out at 3 to get dd from school 

jo - egg sharing is such a nice thing to do for other people hunni good luck with it all 

everyone else sorry i havent done you a personal but my 4 year old dd is staning here next to me telling me to hurry as she needs to play on the playhouse disney website  and she repeating it constantly so they only way im gonna get a little quiet is if i let her on

                 

to everyone xxxxxxxxx


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## bubblicous

angel -   fingers crossed with your consultnant hope he lets you move forward

missy - meant to say that i dont have tracking scans i got a scan on friday as the midwife wondered if i was overstimulated as i was having such bad pain but i wasnt and she was convinced i was gonna ovulate over the weekend and im sure it happened on saturday as thats when the pain was the worst and now its completely away so fingers crossed xx


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## missyb

hi ladies!!

how are we this evening?

im good though i did suffer a bit this am after a couple of glassesof vino and a late night! i got a bit trigger happy again just now and lost my post!!

hi susie! im so glad you're back! ive missed you. glad you had a fab time at cparks. i loved what you said about our girls night in.. i could just imagine it. the vino flowing, lot's of laughing and crying and putting the world to rights! it's such a shame that we all live so far away! i feel like you are my extended family!

hi bubs.. how are you sweety? fingers crossed for you hun.. hope the 2ww doesnt drive you too mad! im ok just feeling very scatty and a bit lightheaded at times! im sorry that you have been feeling so pants honey.. if you want i can pm you my mobi and feel free to text.  hun xx

hi gayn! how are you diddling? those poxy shrinking fairies! they could've at least left me with something flattering that doesnt make me look like im pg!! (even though i cant wait to have a baby belly instead of a chocolate brownie belly!) life in the land of the peperami is good too!!

hi angel.. im so sorry af arrived for you.. she is such a witch!! 

hi cinders,pand and lainey-lou! big loves to you

hi honeyprincess,ec,whippet,lainey2,reetpetite,kateag and anyone else ive forgotten!


amanda xx


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## cinders35

Helo all,

Bit of a me post. Sorry.

Worried about dd. Her bf has moved away, and obviously moved schools. So dd is left at school without her. Her bf bought her a forever friends necklace before she left, they wear half a heart each.    .
Dd has become quite 'flat' going to school, she used to run and skip to school. Now she is quiet and subdued.  
It has only been a couple of weeks, so I guess it's early days. I just worry y'know?
Then today in the after school club, she asked to play with some children and 2 girls told her no. She was really annoyed and angry when I picked her up. She was the only one left out apparently.  
If this is the case I'm disappointed in the adults for not picking up on it. I am going to speak to them tommorrow. They know she is missing bf, who used to go to after school club with her. I'd hoped they would have kept an eye on her.
Of course I am feeling very protective, and I swear if I had a roll of cotton wool...
I am aware that dd may need to toughen up. But think she is feeling vulnerable, and her words not mine, 'sad.'  
Also orrible girls a few years older than her, and I think dd too young to deal with this situ herself.
Then I question my tendancy to over protect, worry that I am molly cuddling my 'only child!'
PANTS.......
Think I will remove her from school, and move in next to you guys, and send her to your childrens school. Is that ok?!

I don't think I am over reacting. Do you?

It's hard this parenting malarky hey?

Love and     to you all,

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Hi Cinders 
so sorry to hear about dd - its so hard isn't it and we FEEL so much for them 
I know at our school they have a friendship bench where if you are feeling lonely you can go and sit and people will supposedly come and play - i am really not sure if it works and have not seen it in action but it sounds good.
its so hard having a best friend esp if they leave,  i watched ds and realised he is close to a couple of girls one of whom is leaving and the other is fickle but I also realised he is a special person as well and reading Gayns post made me feel a whole lot better.
She will be ok , yes she is sad now understandably but hopefully she can still see her bf in the hols?? can you ask some others to play  is there any boys she can be friendly with invite a couple of girls over.  Its so hard i feel so senstive about him and yet think he is ok but I so know where you are coming from.  I am also beginnig to realise that these things would still happen etc whether we had one or two and if we had another child would we worry less or more -who knows. its so hard but its also so nice to let it all out on here.  Sending you and dd lots of  love and hugs!  Of course she can come to our childrens school how lovely would that be, we really have got to meet up, we need to set a date and time and hope as many of us can do it as poss - we really need to.

gayn - thanks re all that it has really cheered me up and made me worry less - thinking of you honey i really am.

bubb sorry you feel a little low, there is nothing wrong with a day in bed I would do it every day if I could and sometimes you really need to do it , yes I feel like a lazy cow and think I should get a job and do something but then again i think a bit of time chilling is ok too. I have still not worked out what I should be doing!

hi missy hope you head better - meant to say we would be laughing crying, hugging and drinking and it would be fab perhaps we need to agree to a quartley meet somewhere and hope we can all make it 

i am drinking too much and eating too many crisps but it is helping me through
i know I should be listening to my meditating tapes and drinking water but will do that soon

love to eveyrone else
love
susoie

angel83 sorry about af and thanks for you kind words


----------



## cinders35

Thanks for your understanding Suszy.

Dd has gone to school today, a bit happier as she is going to invite one of the girls round for tea. Just hope she wants to come now!!  

Gayn- I love the way you talk about your son. You clearly have a great relationship with him, and I aspire to being as good a mum as you. Your post is very comforting, and I thank you.  

Bub, think it is the evil drugs making you feel so     . But hopefully will all be worth it. Hang on in there.  

Hey Missy, how are the loopy pills making you feel hun?!  

Laineylou   tell us abot the counselling hun, was it what you thought?

Pand  , so annoyed about the job situ. Any further developments? How you feeling?

Nanook, you very quiet. Hope you are ok.

Emily caitlin, did you survive the weekend at MIL when SIL had baby? Have I got that right? Sorry if I haven't! Was thinking about you.  

Love and special   to our special secondary family.

Love Cindersxxx

p.s. My Dad sent me his horoscope '...news of twins thrills the family...'  . Oh please God!

p.p.s. Got any ready salted left Suz?!

ppppppppsssss....whatever! Could someone do me a favour and get my bubbles back to ending in a 7? Supposed to not be superstitious, but not taking any chances! Daft I know! Ta.x


----------



## Jo1983

Hi Ladies,

Hope everyone is feeling ok today.....did anyone actually feel the earthquake? I was off work for the night so was fast asleep and didn't notice a thing....everyone I have spoken to around here says there ornaments fell off the fireplace etc....I don't think I'd wake up if a plane crashed in my garden at the minute.  

Cinders- Hi hun, sorry that your dd is so sad. She will get through it though, I think at this age (my ds is 5) they are tougher than we think and can make new friends quickly. Although I do understand that kids can be nasty and spiteful. 
It is hard and I totally agree about the cotton wool.....we just wish that we could feel the hurt and sadness for them and take it all away, and make it better.  
Agree with Susie about maybe asking some over to play after school, that's a great idea!
Don't think it helps that we all feel guilty they have no siblings and a lot of their friends do.....but our and their time will come soon hopefully  
Sending a big   for you both

Susie- There's nothing wrong with eating lots of crisps and drinking too much....we all need a release to help us through the bad times. (which is most days at the minute for me) That's a great idea about meeting up. I would love to meet you ladies  
I have spoken to Ang, thanks for the advice, you and Ang have been great  
Take care of yourself and eat lots more crisps if it helps hun  

Lyndalou- Thanks for the kind words   How did you cope with all the waiting around? It's going to be at least 6 months until I start ivf and think I'm going to go insane by then. Hope you are well hun  

MissyB- Hope you are ok....thinking of you  

Pand- I hope that you are getting somewhere with work.....I have read your posts this morning and it's disgusting the way they have treated you, totally agree with everyone that it's discrimination, people make you soooooo mad don't they.  

Angel- sorry af arrived for you, thinking of you  

Bubbs- Hope you are feeling a little better today   I love spending a day in bed....there's nothing wrong with it at all. Think sometimes we all just need to be alone with our thoughts and deal with our emotions the best we can.Thanks for the kind words about egg donating....fingers crossed it all goes ahead smoothly and i get a bfp. Wishing you all the luck with you 2ww and hope you can relax a little. Thinking of you hun  

To everyone else......sorry but I really have to get some sleep, I work nights and haven't been to bed yet   Sending you all lots of luck and  

Love Jo xxx


----------



## Jo1983

Cinders- Have sorted your bubbles hun xxx


----------



## bubblicous

alloooha everyone

today im on top of the world   

i cant believe im the same person who posted yesterday 
i was so down in the dumps i really didnt think the grey cloud was going to lift but today i feel fabulous

also helps that when i took dd to nursery one of the teachers told me i was looking fab that i had lost loads of weight since she had last seen me (scared to weigh myself though incase i dont like what i see)

anyhoos got day 21 bloods tomorrow so im half way through my 2ww yipeee hope i get a good answer att he end of it 
(.)(.) are still sore but today im just getting on with it and im going to clean the house from top to bottom

missy - that was so nice of you hunni pm me it if you dont miind me moaning at you plus it means you have someone to moan too aswell the light headed ness is a killer aint it i hate that feeling glad your not to hormonal yet fingers crossed the evil pills are working for you

jo - i had no idea there was an earthquake OMg i really do live in my own wee world was it on the news im like you though dont think a plane crash in my garden would wake me either my dh has to kick me out of bed in the morning at the weekend when im workin 

cinders - what starsign is your dad how cool would that be id love twins though the jump for 2 to 4 may be a bit much but id love it not sure about dh though keep telling him well get triplets and he goes an awful shade of grey  glad you dd is feeling a bit better my 2 have friends over at least once a week i like to do that for them and to tell you the truth it makes me feel a bit better having a house full of kids

suzy - water is boring drink and eat crisps  im eveil i hate water and would rather have a huge glass of full fat irn bru (though the now diet has to do )
i love siting eating a huge bag of crisps too what am i like im not helping you at all am i sorry 

angel, pand, nanook and all you other lovelies      
hope you are all well

                  

fingers crossed for us all and toes


----------



## angel83

Morning Ladies

How are you all today

I have to say im alot more positive today cannot wait till Tuesday now. But im having a hell of an AF


----------



## bubblicous

oh angel af from hell owwch 

goodluck for tuesday though im on top of the world today dont really know why but i am


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

Sorry Ive not been around lately - have been busy working and things.

Pand that job stuff is bloody awful!!!!  Cheeky gi*s!  I see why you are peed off my lovely - Id be exactly the same.  How dare they treat you like that??  so you're never allowed to progress 'just in case' you get pregnant! they may as well not employ women at all then if thats the flippin case! 

Suzy glad you had a great time at centre parcs.  I like the meditation idea actually maybe I should try that cos Im so stressy.  Yerah we could prob compare notes re dh - its going from bloody awful to unbearable.  He simply dosent give a t**s and its really beginning to grind me down. feel free to pm me babe and try to keep your chin up.. I know its hard.  If it wasnt for my son theres not a chance in hell id still be around, but we need to try to keep strong for them dont we!?!  to have his family split up, and have to move out etc would be so hard for him. I can see myself being really lonely when ds no longer needs me and Im dreading it and very scared about what the future will bring for me.

Missy Ive still got your number Ill send you a text or something soon - just kind of wallowing right now and I know if I really talk about it Ill realise it cant go on and that is also scarey...

On a positive note I passed my driving test yesterday (at last)...  was on such a high but then dh ruined that as well and almost had me in tears (not for the first time yesterday either).

Cant beleive how quick half term went - I miss ds terribly when he isnt around and am in trouble with his school for attendance - its below 85% which makes me a really crap mum I soppose but I just need him to be around me - now ive got this job Im gonna work as much overtime as poss and then I wont be able to keep him at home eh!  Also we will be able to afford to go on holiday (although the thought of spending any amount of time sat in silence with dh isnt particularly a great thought) - I want kane to enjoy himself though and he loves holidays so Ill book just a week somewhere, that way itll be slightly more bearable re dh.

Hi to everyone else, sorry I havent done any other personals but Im such a blondie ive forgotton half of what Ive just read, I had so much to catch up on!!  Love to you all.... xx


----------



## whippet

Hi ladies not been on since our disaster of zero fertilisation but thought I would pop in to say clinic called today to say because we didn't make it to ET last time we get to go again straight away       Which means prostap to D/R on march 19th because period arrived half an hour after she called, how bazzar is that. It will of course be ICSI this time just so relieved they didn,t right us off.
Glad you girls all doing so well and thanks again for all the support given during past week.

Whippet xx


----------



## SUSZY

Evening girls
just to let you know did an ovul kit and as predicted I have ovulated to will phone Lpl to morrow and next Thurs/Fri I wil be having a biospy of my endo!  Also having blood test tomorrow before my counselling!  its all happening.  part of me is so tempted to try naturally this month but they say cannot to take the test so will will follow that.
feeling tired, have not had as much wine, and 2 small bowls of crisps, feel I have a cold coming, have ds parties this weekend and then its over and we can conc on the baby thing again
not much else to say other than thinking of you all and wishing you all lots of love and luck
love
susie

Whippet - thanks for updating us esp when you must still feel so upset, good news they are letting you go again in March - not long now - great news and good luck obviously meant to be.

Nanook - here for you as ever sweetheart - sounds like you are going through a tough time but well done on passing your driving test. The counsellor gave me a relaxing cd but still not listened to it, will try and get a copy to you if you fancy it. It is annoying how men/people can spoil things for us - I am really going to try and chill more about things and not let it happen, if you could find one person/thing to rely on (other than ds of course) that might help.  I feel the same about ds and have kept him off sometimes just for a little sniffle!!!!!! - esp when they are young but suppose just waiting for the hols esp at this time of year is a good idea.  good lck with the job - really think I am going to have to do something soon

angel83 good luck for tues

bubb - glad you are feeling brighter - thanks for making me feel better about wine and crisps!

cinders - the horoscope sounds good! Glad dd feeling better and hope the play date goes well.  It is so hard!

pand - thinking of you - any more news from work?

lawsy hope you are doing ok

lainey   thinking of you and hope you are ok sweet

missy sending you lots of love and hugs as ever

honeyprincess, reet, kateag , lainey 2, Gab- how are you all doing?

jo83 - glad you have chatted to Ang she is an amazing person and miss her at mo we both seem quite busy at moment and not chatting much but glad to have been of help.  Thanks for making me feel btr about wine and crisps as well

jobo sending you lots of love and hugs

angelmummy - love to you

ec hope you are ok

sarylou and lyndlou - hope you are ok

gayn - it is lovely how you speak about your son - just wish we could go back in time sometimes

love to everyone else


----------



## wouldbegreat

hi  
omg i have been so ill i have got tonsillitis and have been in bed since Tuesday i am still in bed now i feel so weak been taking antibiotics since Wednesday and still have a yuk throat .Just when i was getting better too .
                                                                         wouldbegreat


----------



## bubblicous

afternoon ladies

how bad is the weather its terrible here 

lainey - sorry to hear your ill i hate having tonsilitis its the illness from hell knocks the wind right out of me 

whippet - thats good news 

suzy - no worries sorry to hear your getting the cold nothing worse

well today i have been sick (well this morning i was sick) and still feel very nauseaus just now had my cd 21 bloods done this morn to phone next week for the results still got sore (.)(.) and im awfyl tired today but thats due to no sleep last night 
apart from the above im fine and dandy 

hope everyone else is missy hows u hunni


----------



## lyndalou

angel  hope af has calmed down x

Bubbilious  glad to hear you sound mor chirpy x

Suszy    Glad thing are starting to happen again for you. 
            Dont feel guilty about the crisps im sitting here eating a mars and im suppose to be on WW x

Lainey2 Hope you feel better soon x

Whippet Fab news to be starting again. We might end up cycle buddies x

Nanook    Congrats on passing your driving test  

Cinders  Sorry you little one is having a hard time at the moment but children are tougher than we think. Give it a few weeks
            and she will have a new best friend. But for now give her loads of  

Pand      Cant beleive the way your job has treated you. That is so out of order! Are you going to take it any further hon ?

MissyB    Hope your head is better form the Vino x

Jo          Your wait for tx will go very quickly. It is 4 months since my last bfn and that has gone by so fast. FF really helps
            and also finding out as much info as you can and go to you consultations armed. It makes me feel a little more in 
            control of our treatment. Think my consultatnt hates seeing me coming he knows i will have a list of questions to
            fire at him x
A big-* to everyone not mentioned.


----------



## jobo5572

Evening ladies.

Sorry, but I'm fed up (again).  Went round to a friends house last night - one who's well aware of what I'm going through - but can you believe she felt the need to show me all her 4D scan pictures of her baby (she's 32 weeks PG) ?!!?!?!?  Is it just me or are people so insensitive ?  Or am I just too sensitive to the situation and getting it all out of proportion ?  It was so hard to say nice things to her and coo coo over the pictures.  Yet another night   until I fell asleep.

Other than that, DH has really hurt me today.  He is such an insensitive git at the best of times, but throughout the whole IF stuff he's been dreadful, and I have to say that if I wasn't desperate for another child I'd have got rid of him long ago - how awful is that ?  I'm just fed up of being so miserable and having no support from him.  I get comments like "oh well" when AF comes every month.  Anyway, what he did today I thought was unforgiveable - again I may just be over-sensitive.  A bit of background first - he used to be a big drinker of diet coke/pepsi etc. and 'cos that sort of stuff can affect   I asked him ever so nicely (ages ago) to give it up or at least drastically cut down.  He's also supposed to be dieting as he is way overweight - again, which doesn't help  .  Whilst DS was at pre-school this am, I'd nipped into town as I don't work on Fridays, and on the way back stopped in at Tesco for bits and bobs and bumped into DH - with a basket full of diet pepsi, chocolate, pasties & cakes.  I was so hurt and upset as when I asked him why, he just said "'cos I want it".  What an @rse.  I was so upset.  I probably sound ridiculous.  I just walked away as didn't fancy a scene in the middle of tesco, and when I got home I confronted him and asked why he was such a hurtful, selfish, insensitive git and didn't he appreciate how desperate I was to have another child and have been doing everything in my powers to try and achieve it - cutting things out of my diet, taking folic acid, having all the IF tests/scans/prods etc., being on the bl00dy Clomid and going through this horrendous dark miserable hormonal depression month after month for the past 2 years.  It's just his attitude that stinks - he doesn't see why he should make the effort, and I find it so unfair and am sick of being in bl00dy tears all the time   due to DH making me so miserable.  He's a lazy git around the house too and I'm still expected to do everything around the house, sort out all bills etc., look after DS and sort out everything that you do when you have a child (i.e. feed, clothe, bring up etc.) - I probably sound bl00dy stupid, but seriously I have to do everything and work 32 hours a week, whilst going thorugh this whole IF stuff with no support.  Aaaaarrrrgggghhh.  Oh, and that's after the other day when I got in his car and a load of pasty/scotch egg/chocolate wrappers appeared from under the car seat.  He had a dodgy sperm sample last year when he was overweight, then lost a bit and sample went to normal.  Now I expect it's abnormal as he's bigger than ever - weight-wise that is ladies...nothing else  .  So for all I know, it could be entirely his fault and I hate him for it as he's making no effort whatsoever.

I mustn't go on - you must all think I'm crazy.

Bubb - your sore (.)(.) my love are probably the Clomid - I get that.  Fingers crossed for you this month.

nanook - DH's are a waste of space and we'd be better off without them.  Stress doesn't help ttc and mine sure stresses me out.  Would like to get his genitals to the cheese grater but would have no chance of ttc then  

whippet - glad to hear they're letting you go again straight away.  Everything crossed for you. 

Lainey2 - get well soon 

Pand - you OK ?  Any news on the work front ?

Everyone else - must go and bath DS so big hugs to you all.  Sorry to rant on, but I'm so fed up and no-one understands me - crikey, I sound like Kevin & Perry !

 to you all


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!!

there is so much to catch up with on here! i've only missed a day! 

im soooooo glad it's friday and that i can have a lie in tomorrow as im shattered!!

hi jobo! i wish i knew what to say hun (the cheesegrater idea sounds good!) i can understand about the chaps making a bit of an effort. i had a 'moment' of clomid induced psychosis where i was really anti dp (who fortunatley wasnt there to be on the receiving end of it!) i just felt angry as im going through all of these tests,tablets etc and all they have to do is have a w**k in a jar (which to my mind is pleasurable if not a bit pressurised!) whereas i feel like the bride of bloody dracular on these tablets!! hope he sees things your way and tries to do his bit.. otherwise you'll end up resenting him  

hi susie how are you doing my darling? it must be so tempting to ttc au naturale but i guess you have to follow what they say. i think the idea of meeting up quarterly is a fab idea and i'd definatley be up for it! hope you are feeling a bit better hun and that you dont come out in a full on cold.

hi bubs how are you doing? i will pm you my mobi! i have just taken the (o) (o) out of their scaffolding as they are killing me! ive finished this course of clomid so fingers crossed for this mth. ive had some ovary pain (not sure if thats all in my head or what!) ive got my scan next friday so who knows eh? hey hun moan (which i dont consider it moaning sweety) at me any time.. you will get loads of messages from me having a rant! good luck for your cd21 bloods hun  

hi lyndalou how are you sweety? you always say hi but never say how you are doing. hope that you are ok hun 

hi lainey2.. how are you sweety? have you tried gargling with soluble aspirin hun! (if you're not allergic to it) that can help. hope you get better soon xx 

hi lainey-lou.. how are you doing? i do worry about you hun and think of you alot  

hi pand.. thanks for the pm sweety. i will reply to you over the weekend so that the xbox king doesnt get upset!

hi whippet.. thats good news hun.. fingers crossed for you this time! 

hi nanook... hun you know im there whenever you need me. whether it's now or in the future.  

hi jo1983.. how are you doing sweety? how many nights do you work? i used to do nights and hated it! i'd eat all night and could never get to sleep when i got home! it was like i was on clomid but without taking the pills!

hi cinders... how are you sweetheart? i read your post and i want to go down to your dd's afterschool club and   the girls.. even though i would be branded a bully. i can totally understand how protective you must feel. i wish i had an answer for you. she is very vulnerable at the moment with her bf leaving and it's going to take time to adjust. school can be a horrible time. did you mention anything to the after school people? i hope that things turn out well in the end hun.
hey i hope your dads horoscope becomes a reality!  


hi to all those ive not mentioned but love lots too xx


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Oh God,
There was all this talk about crisps, and I knew there was a packet in the cupboard, so am typing with greasy fingers!!!!

Right, where to start...

Missyb, sorry you are like bride of bl00dy dracula!!! Hoping it will all be worth it for you, you so deserve it!  

Hi Suszy, the crisps thing is catching!! I have eaten LOADS today, and should be being good now!   !  Hope the biopsy goes ok next week. What we go through eh? Anything to reach our goal... Hope ds parties go ok.  

Hey Bubs, sick eh? Though I suppose it might be to early to be a sign? I don't know. What were you like with previous pg?  

Lainey2, tonsilitis is horrible. I had it after my last cycle, so total empathy hun. You take good care.  

Lainey-lou, where are you hun? Just write us a quicky to keeep us up to date. We don't mind if you don't do personals hun. Just want to know whats happening...  

Hey Pand, hope you are going to have a nice relaxing weekend.   

Whippet, you must be so glad that you don't have a long wait to ttc again. Hopefully ICSI will do the trick. 

Nanook, good to hear from you. Though sorry to hear things still   with dp. I always think you sound like such a great Mum, because you are always so excited when it's school hols, and you love to be with ds. But I can see the attendance thing might become an issue, and you don't need any other pressures! Hope you find a nice hol with your extra cash hun. You still learning the pole dancing?!  

Jobo5572, It never ceases to amaze me how insensitive people can be. I'm sorry you   to sleep. Big   hun. I think I can understand why you are feeling so upset with dh. I think the deceit is the first thing I would struggle with. Unfortunately it is us women who have to bear the brunt of all the poking and prodding when it comes to IF, and sometimes our dh/dps just cannot, with the best will in the world understand our worries and concerns. I understand why you feel you want him to take some responsibility, I don't think you are being unreasonable.
I'm sorry you and dh are going through this. I'm sure you have done your best to get him live a healthy lifestyle.
I have no clever answers. At a bit of a loss as to what to say actually, not helping just waffling!!!!
   I hope you manage to sort it out between you. I don't think you are crazy. At all.

Thanks Lyndalou. How about you hun?

Can't remember who asked, but my Dad's star sign for the horoscope is Taurus. (April 21st-May 21st).

Jo1983, thanks for sorting my bubbles out.   I have done my fair share of nights. I am ok up until the 3am-5am. Between those hours I could sleep on a washing line! Interestingly I get a little tired 3pm-5pm! But what I love about nights, is looking out of the window to see a new day dawning. When I worked at the royal free, I worked on I think, the 9th floor. At dawn you could look out across London, and see it waking up, ready for a new day. Then I liked travelling home, seeing everyone tired, and yawning. Knowing how they all had a whole day ahead of them before they could get in their beds. I felt smug in the knowledge that I would soon be tucked up, sleeping away the day. However I was not quite so smug when I had to reverse the same journey that very same evening, seeing them all dolled up for their nights out. I hated walking past pubs, knowing that there was zero chance of a gin and tonic for me!
Then when you get to work, you are obsessed with how long everyone has slept. How many hours did they get? Did the window cleaner disturb them, that sort of thing! As a student, I once overslept for a night shift that started at 8pm!!!! 
Anyway, I digress!!!!

Angel, sorry to be a bit thick. Whats happening tues? Might change my name to pea brain, you think?

Well thankyou to you ALL for your kind word re dd.
I spoke to the people in the after school club. They apologysed for not noticing what was going on, and promised to keep an eye on things for a while. The girl was 10! So even if dd was not feeling vulnerable from losing bf, think she could not have dealt with 10yr old herself!
But to top the lot, then the same thing happened with a girl from her class! So together we spoke to the teacher about it. She was great, I really admire teachers! They just have such a fantastic way with children. She managed to get the full story out of dd, whilst being sympathetic, and non patronising to dd. She mentioned in passing that she has spoken to the girl, and thinks it sorted. Dd had a good day today. Thing is, I am not SO concerned if it is someone in her class. As kids can be cruel, and I know that dd needs to toughen up, and learn how to deal with it. Go and find someone who does want to play with her! I think when girls get like that, it probably is a good idea to hang out with the boys!!!

I think I am really suffering with the d/r drugs. I have found this whole week with dd really difficult, and feel ill equipped to deal with it, because my hormones are just so all over the place!!
Think I might post this before I lose it, and then continue....


----------



## cinders35

...so feeling pretty [email protected] actually.
Feel tired, grumpy, & tearful to name just a few side effects!
Have started stimming. Finding it hard to drink loads. On and off loo all the time!
My cat had to have three teeth removed at the vets today. I am going to sound like mad catwoman now, but I love my cat so much!!! I am not irrisponsible owner, she has the right food etc, but she is just prone to bad gums and teeth. 

Well I think I have bored you all enough,

Love you all lots,

Madhormonalcatwomanxxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls
I love you all so much I could squeeze you all to death.
i come on here feeling tired and after a few but no crisps actually tonight and I laugh and cry, am happy and sad and even amused and some of the things we rant and rave about on here but it all feels so normal and like being in one big lounge and I am so grateful and happy to be part of this wonderful group.
I need to get to bed so cannot start personals but wanted to say jobo so with you at all you say and cinders and love to everyone else.
the wind has really got up and its quite scary.
i had my bloods taken today about 5 diff bottles! I had counseling and she said try and only have two glasses a night recommended 14 units a week (she is also drugs and alchol counsellor so might try and listen!) ds had one of his small parties and despite it costing about 110 was just as I planned and imagined it! We go back tomorrow for the school one which is going to be not so enjoyable.
i am also booked in for the biospy of my endo next thurs
feel like things being done but also feel pretty mixed up
i am going to bed as shattered and think dh has gone back on the pc that has really peed me off so going upstairs to listen to enigma/listen cd other counsellor gave me check msg from Ff and go to sleep as party at 10 am tomorrow.
take care my lovelies
sorry no personals but love you all so much
love
susie


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

I will catch up on personals but this thread moves so quick these days it's hard to keep up and ds is moaning at me to play Robin Hood.... doomed to a life of being nagged to play!  I totally agree with Suzy about this being like one big lounge.  It's the one place in the world where everyone understands each other.

Have had ok week at work.  I'm not going to take things any further as it wouldn't change anything and would only make life horrible for me.  The decision has been made and I've made my feelings about being overlooked like this very clear.  I went and spoke to a good friend who is a teacher at DSs school on Wednesday and it looks like there may be some posts coming up there later in the year, so will apply when they come up.  The new head there is the same age as me and has just given assistant heads job to someone based upon qualifications not length of service so sounds like my kind of school!  

Have now sold our cot bed and am in the process of bagging up all of our baby things for an NCT sale  next week.  Feels immensely sad, but I really do feel like this is it for us.  We are supposed to be getting jiggy this weekend and I just can't be bothered as it seems so pointless!  We have even booked a holiday for the summer which uses up a lot of our IVF savings so I'm not even sure we will be doing that now.  Think we have reached the end of the line.  I've not given up completely and we will keep trying au naturel, but can't face much more.

Bye for now and will catch up properly later.

Love

Pand


----------



## bubblicous

evening all 


well ive been at work all day and im working all day tomorrow got sore boobies again   they are making me   hate the damm things 
still feeling bloated like ive ate to many pies
nausea still there to though no sickness today just the boak

cinders - think its to early for that with my other 2 pregnancies i was sick with 1st one form just before th 4 week mark (its what made me test think it was about 3 days before af was due that it kicked in and never left till i was 6 months i remember saying if im still feeling sick my thu i will test this was the mon before af was due on the thu and on the thu i tested and it was + i could have died was only 18 at the time) with my 2nd the sickness didnt kick in till i was about 6 weeks and it leaft when i was 4 months so not to bad though i was only 20 and had a baby of 8 months so that was traumatic enough though i wouldnt have changed it for the world   i rememeber i used to sing to eldest whilst puking down the loo shed be in her baby walker watching me sweet eh 

cinders again - hormones everywhere eh i know how u feel the otherday i wrote in my work ****** (my surname) followed by the mad hormonal dizzy blonde who badly needs help   thankfully it was on something only i will see   hope the hormones die down soon and are replaced with other good ones soon the ones none of us would mind having

pand - i think this thread is so fast sometimes and then other times slow the clomid thread moved 4 pages in 1 day ive just spent ages reading through it and trying to do personals
hope your feeling ok  

suzy - i know what u mean it feels like were all sitting on comfy couches with wine crisps and dip and ranting away i love it too here so glad i found this site  hows u anyway u ok 


missy - my sweetie hope your gearing up for marathon bms now       need to post a wee sticker on the door saying
enter at own risk   going on  
fingers crossed lots of    meet a nice wee eggie or a nice few eggies  
hope your not having to many side affects of the evil tablets

well everyone else     hope you are all well 

hope you all have a nice day whilst im working my 12 hours but im on holiday for a whole 5 days after it woohoo


----------



## SUSZY

Hi my lovelies
just wanted to wish you all a lovely happy mothers day tomorrow.
Hope you all have lovely days and get spoilt and we should all spare a thought and send lots of love to all the girls on this site who have still not got their dream yet.
Well the parties are over and its quite a relief the one today was not so good and i got stressed as two young ones came that were not invited and ds ended up dancing next to one of them for the okey cokey ?? and they slowed the line up for the conga and it really peed me off, bascially they were going on to a party for the younger one straight after so they bought the younger one to mine and were taking the older one to the next one despite not being invited, i went to great lengths to include everyone even older siblings and was just a little ****** off that they came.  everyone seemed to have a good time but again i could see ds not one of the popular ones and people not rushing to sit with him like others but think its just the way it is.
i went back for my hair cut after having it coloured in the week as had run out of time for the cut that was nice.
we also go invited unexpectly for tea at someones house which really nice and got back for 8pm heard from Ang and she got stuck on motorway on her way up to liverpool have asked her to stop as she was only about 20 mins away at one point but dont think she will.  have been feeling a bit emotional and last night we watched some old films of ds just before he was born and after he was born when i was having to touch him in an incubator I was sobbing my heart out but think i needed to do it and felt better after
still feel tired and emotional like pand cannot be bothered to get jiggy with it, have so many emotions and thoughts going through my head and dont know whether our lives are just going to end up the three of us.
anyway have a good day tomorrow - take care and look after yourselves.
love
susie


----------



## SUSZY

obviously missby I am sorry its going to be so hard for you and anyone else that has lost their mum sending you lots of love and hugs


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

Jobo you sound like you have the same sort of insesitive berk as me to have as a husband...  its so hard knowing the right thing to do isnt it?? we had a night off on Friday (my Mum had Kane for the fisr time on ages) and its done us the world of good (for now), so we'll see hey...  My dh smokes and drinks and was meant to be taking selenium and Zinc for his sperm count.  Again he knows how desperate I am for another child, but is no longer taking them, even though he hasnt stopped smoking/drinking - so - his 'better' sperm count is probably rubbish again!  yes, they are complete @rseholes! And, like you, It is me that does everything around the house, sorts out bills etc etc etc...  Thinking of having MUG tattooed on my head actually!

Suzy hun you sound really down lately - pm me hun I might not be very reliable but I will get back to you I promise. I probably drink a little (?) too much too - shame to waste any when you've opened a bottle isnt it?? ha ha  God I sound like an alchololic!!  Im not, or am trying to imply you are but I think we're the same in that we probably have a few more units than the reccommended dose!! lol.. Thanks for saying you think I sound like a good mum (that was you wasnt it?!?) - I do try my best!

Had a great day today - dh working so I took ds to the cinema this morning and then to Mac Ds (more like ds day than mine I know but any time with him is great for me!!) - had one of those deluxe chicken things - YUK!  chicken, fried onions , tom sauce AND garlic mayo - absolutely disgusting!  had one bite and left it!!  lol  we then picked my dad up and fed the ducks and brought ice creams which was totally lovely.

Missy thanks for that I totally appreciate it babe  

Thanks for all your well done wishes re my driving test!  Ive been nipping around everywhere its so great to have the freedom to do and go wheverthe heck I like!  I am loving it!!  Am having trouble parking anywhere near the kerb though - for some reason I think Im about to hit the flippin pavement and then get out of the car and realise Im half a bleedin mile away!!  lol    - Have brought a new stereo for it too cos the cd player didnt work in the old one so am listening to Kate Nash (foundations mainly but some of the others) cd loudly and singing at the top of my voice!! haha must look very amusing!!

Hi Cinders and Pand and everyone else a big fat 'HAPPY MOTHERS DAY' to us all...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Just wanted to wish us all "Happy Mother's Day"

Lets also just take the time to think about the other girls on here who are still struggling with infertility, lets be positive for them in achieving their dream one day.

Suszy you are so right...we should never forget how lucky and blessed we are already....


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi Girlies


It's just taken me over an hour to catch up after being away for a week, and now I can't remember who's doing what anyway! So forgive me, I'll have to get back into the swing of things.


Had a great week skiing, the weather was really nice, and there was plenty of snow too. I was really impressed by my dd who seemed to be flying down the slopes, making me a bit nervous! It was a great holiday for her as she was in ski school in the morning, and in the children's club in the afternoon, so i didn't have my usual holiday angst of worrying that she didn't have anyone to play with!

Pand - it sounds like a change of job would do your good, fresh start and all that; like you say the job has been given to somebody else now and kicking up any more of a fuss is only go to make your life miserable.


Jobo - sorry that your dh is being so insensitive. It's taken a while for my dh to take things a bit more seriously with his health. I think in their defence, that it's their way of dealing with it. they don't want to admit that it could have anything to do with them.

Anyway, must go and unpack suitcases.

Faithful x


----------



## Wendeth

Phew, that was one massive read. No time to do personals for all. Having a cr*p day, should be doing the accounts but just spent last 3 hours on FF.    Why do i do this to myself.  I am going to kick myself once i've pressed send, thinking i should have spent the last 3 hours in my own life, doing my own life stuff instead of reading all about my lovely 'imaginary' friends in here.  Ah well.

Cinders, i have a gorgeous long haired ginger cat called Billy who whose own saliva destroys his teeth. He's had 4 removed all together. He's 11 now and i am terrified he won't make it through his next GA.  I have a little toothbrush for him with fish flavoured toothpaste which luckily he loves, so i get to clean his teeth once a month.  I also now feed him the Hills Science Oral food, big crunchy lumps of stuff which clean all the plaque from his teeth. I adore him more than DH at times.  so i know exactly what you mean when you say how precious your cat is to you.  I'm there too!  

Pand, i've not been in here since your BFN, sorry to hear it didn't work this time for you.    I know EXACTLY what you've been feeling.    With ref to your work and the job you didn't get but so obviously deserved, i would talk to a union rep about this, sounds exactly like sexual discrimination even tho they gave the job to a woman. I am seething for you.    I also sold or gave away all of DS's baby things.  It's painful and sad but very theraputic and means you're moving into a new stage of acceptance.  Good for you.  

Faithful - sorry too to hear you got a BFN -   but glad your ski trip was excellent.  I am very jealous. I've not been for 5 years now.  I was just getting into boarding then...  

Jo1983 - good luck with your IVF egg share.     I love women like you!!!     There'd be no hope at all for me if you all didn't exist.

Whippet - so so sorry to hear your little eggs didn't fertilise but great news to hear you can start again so soon.

Hi and love to everyone else i've not done personals for: Suzie, LaineyLou, Mrs Chaos, Gabrielle, Missy B, Tuck, Moomin, Nanook, Lyundalou, Bubs, Lainey2, EmilyC, Angel83, Lawsy and Hello to Jobo5572 - you've settled in well!    Hi to everyone i've not mentioned.

I won't be coming in much now as i really do have to get on with my life, and start being creative and making some handbags again so i can make some money! 

love Wendeth x


----------



## cinders35

Hey all,

Just spent ages reading. No time to post properley.
But wanted to check in and say 'don't eat all the crisps!!!'  


Y'know the pit... well I'm standing on a step, but I can't see anything yet... 

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## bubblicous

afternoon ladies 

woohoo im off work for 5 whole days woohoo 

im awful tired today and have way to much to do 

so im going to just say a quick hi to you all and will catch up proper tonight xx


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi ladies
just a quickie from me.
Hope everyone managed to have a good day yesterday, I know so many of you would be struggling so huge 
We had a good day considering I had endured the update on my sil's latest scan pic  (the one who conceived my neice in 2 months and this one in 1 month) so spent the afternoon feeling a selfish, evil moo  for feeling as I did...
Ds came home from his weekend at Camp and bought me a lovely card (he forgot last year, if any of you recall and I was gutted!) so he has redeemed himself this year  I even had a rather soppy txt from him in the morning before he left for home, which was even better 

MissyB was thinking of you especially hun  and all of our ladies who have coped with their recent losses, you are all in my thoughts  

Off for a mooch and will be back later.
Sending you all huge 
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## lainey-lou

God!  It has taken me HOURS to catch up, I had 6 pages worth to read and then I lost my post (Doh!), I am exhausted now.  Not going to be a long post I'm afraid.

Missy - hope mother's day was ok for you, thinking of you.  Hope you are feeling ok on the clomid and not too scratchy.  I really hope it works for you.  

Cinders - feel for you re dd.  I think we all have a tendancy to feel overprotective towards our precious only children.  I think Susie's idea of inviting other girls round is great, hope it works.  How is the stimming going?  When do they scan?  Not long now.   

Pand - what a bunch of t*ssers.  I can't believe they overlooked you and blamed it on IF.  I would want to take it further if I were you but understand that it is not high on your list of priorities at the mo.  I would definitely look for another job though, they don't deserve you.  Don't give up hope yet, if you do then what chance have I got?

Susie - good to hear from you.  Don't worry about eating/drinking too much.  I did that for ages after mc but have now lost 5 lbs on WW in two weeks and have not been drinking atall in the week so you will know when the time is right to cut back.  I feel really good about sticking to my diet, feel empowered.  Even got my bike serviced and have been on two bike rides in the last week.  Get me!  Love to you as always.  

Bubbs - good luck with the clomid, I hope it works for you.   

Jo - welcome - we are a friendly bunch and you are definitely in the right place, we all understand where you are coming from.   

Nanook  - sorry to hear that you and dh are still not getting on.  Well done on the driving test, it will give you so much freedom you'll wonder how you ever coped without a car.

Whippet - so sorry to hear about your nil fertilisation but good news re the next cycle.  Lets hope it is hard shells on the eggs and ICSI will solve the problem.  Fingers crossed.  

Hi to everyone else - MrsChaos, Wendeth, FFH, Sarylou, Jo, Reetpetitte, Gab, Lyndalou, Angel83, etc.

I have had two counselling sessions now and she is really pleased with how I am doing.  She told me I need to rebalance my life as I am spending all my energies on the one area of my life that is giving me nothing back (all true) so I have been trying to get fit, make cards again, spend more time with DH, etc and it seems to be working.  I feel a lot better, although I still felt pretty gutted when I had yet another pg announcement last week.

My new car is coming on Thursday, woohoo, can't wait.

Have my final bloods on Wednesday - another 8 tubes worth  

Apart from that, nothing to report.

Love to everyone

Lainey x


----------



## lawsy

Hi everyone,

Just to say trying really hard to keep up with u all, but this a large gang!!!! Never the less I am reading n thinking of u all, just with a full time teaching post, two kids n 8 animals, plus ttc, live is more than a little hectic!

You r all in my thoughts n best wishes tho. I am off to snowy uk for the rest of the week to take my 6th form students on a theatre trip, manchester to be precise, theatre here in english is pretty limited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So In promise, promise, promise I WILL DO MY PERSONALS WHEN I GET BACK N HAVE CAUGHT UP WITH ALL UR POSTS XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

P.S. Starting my clomid tonight after what seems to have felt like the longest ever mth waiting for my af, as we just missed the mth before.


----------



## SUSZY

hi sweets
we need to come to some agreement as we are all stuggling to keep up with the 20 odd girls on here - i know I find it hard
i come on here read and think oh yes I agree with that and that and then i feel guilty not mentioning everyone!
I think we are all in the same boat and I know sometimes it puts me off posting at its soo much so lets start a new policy
having said all that I had forgotten about crisps until I read it on here again!!!!!

can we all come to some agreement where we can post in subjects perhaps or just do stuff on our own I dont know its so hard!
or shall we just reply to the recent ones?having said all that
lawsy - lovely tohear from you its hard to keep us with us - we are finding it hard - all i know I could not survive this without you all!
and dont let personals put you off!  hopeyou had a good trip with yorut students! good luck with clommid - my thoughts are with you!
Lainey-lou   yes it takes a long time to catch up, and yes you are right about the whole you konw when the time is right kind of thing, I have done it b4 and will hopefully do it again! and soon. I know what you mean about being empowered sometimes it only takes a little thing.

nanook  think we need to talk!

bubbs - good luck with the good old clommid!

cinders - we need to write that book!

pand thinking of you as ever and here for you

jobo hope you are doing ok - we all feel the same

missy thinking of you as ever - we are all here for you

honeyprincess - hope you are ok sweetheart

whippet - here for you honey as ever

MrsChaos glad you got a lovely card - sure he did not mean it last year - I am sure I remember something about it - I have kind of preparing myself but hope I will get one until he is at least 10

Wendeth so glad you ha d a good skiing trip, am so torn, my parents want to take ds and or me and dh says he cannot go we have been here before and I stay at home but perhaps i should just go!??

FFH,thinking of you sweetheart and here for you

Sarylou how are wedding plans going

Reetpetitte how are you, here for you having my nk done on thursday

, Gab, here for you = you are one special lady 

Lyndalou,  thinking of you as ever

Angel83, how are you sweetheart

lainey 2

love and luck to all

then i decide to post as dont want to lose it then i decide i need mre wine although had forgotten re crisps til last night


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!

how are we all today?

thank you to those who sent txt's and thought about me in their posts. i dont know what i'd do without you ladies. i love you all. im honored to call you my friends. through something as painful as IF ive gained some friendships which i hope i'll always have.

so far im on cd 10, im a bit achey and ive been a bit of a hormonal nightmare! poor dp.. at the moment im sooo rampant that im like a nymphomaniac on death row! im not sure when im due to ov and didnt see the point of buying a opk as im going for my tracking scan on fri.
i'll try and do personals but we are such a large and happy family now that it's hard to keep up!


hi susie...first of all thank you so much for the beautiful card... it did make me cry but like i said to you it was in a nice way. im glad you are feeling a bit better after the party. my 2 dd's are so different. my eldest is funny, outgoing and confident and yet my youngest is quite shy a bit of a tomboy and doesnt really make friends as easy... i can understand what you were saying about ds and things will change.. i do worry about you hun and i really hope you are ok. you know im always here for you hun and although my driving is a bit hormonally challenged i'd even drive up to you if you needed me hun. 

hi lawsy.. you are joining me & bubs on the crazy pills! yay  

hi lainey-lou.. how are you doing darling? im glad that the counselling is going well hun. you sound positive. how is the job hunting going? bet you cant wait till you get the new car.. i think it needs a test drive to crawley just to break the engine in!! thinking of you sweety xx

hi lainey2 are you feeling any better?

hi gayn.. how is it going babes? thank you for thinking of me? how is the peperami aversion going? i have to admit since ive started the new job i havent touched a sausage of any kind!!

hi pand how are you darling? thank you for your messages and your support hun. like some of the other girls have said im seething for you over the job thing  let me at 'em!! you know what'll happen hun.. you'll get rid of your baby bits at the NCT and then get a bfp au naturale.. like us all, you are a good person and deserve only good. 

hi bubs... hows it going on the mad pills babe? hope you are enjoying your days off! i have some time off in 2 weeks time and i cant wait! i have some serious tittage going on.. (o) (o) dp says i should be careful about the tops i wear at work as he didnt thing it was a good idea to be examining willies with the boobage that i have!


hi wendeth... oooohh handbags!! love them! and shoes,perfume,clothes.. you name it!

hi gabs how are you honey?

hi nanook.. how are you? hope things are ok hun.. thinking of you xx


i had a manic weekend and spent most of it at my dads... i have to admit im so worried about him as he's v lonely and struggling to adjust to life without mum. at the weekend my ex h rang me and told me that his gf is pg!! arrrrrrrghhhhh poor dp was gutted and then i got a sympathy text asking me how i was dealing with it as he knows that we have been trying so hard... situations like this have a habit of bringing on my tourettes syndrome!!!!!

anyway, thats enuf from me.


love to all


amanda xx


----------



## missyb

cont'd....


i didnt mention my partner in crime cinders!!

how are you doing sweety... i dont know how you cope with the stimming drugs etc.. i find that the clomid has sent me doolally and teary and i told dp that if this doesnt work that that's it for me! im sure though that when it comes down to it i'll do it but for now i just dont think i could cope. it will all be worth it though hun.. how long do you have to stim for sweety? thank you for your texts hun. you are such a sweety sending me such supportive and thoughtful texts.. it wasnt untill i got on here that i realised how pants you were feeling.      

amanda xx


----------



## angel83

Morning Ladies

MissyB – The clomid sent me loopy, and I was changed to Tamoxifen. Clomid has horrible side effects for some people.

Suszy – I am good, I see my Consultant today. So I’m a little nervous. Don’t know why. I’ve never been nervous before. I totally agree with you about the posts. This is my 1st post with personals, and I’m doing it to try and fit in with you all. I haven’t posted much before now as it’s been overwhelming to say the least. 
How are you hun, any progress on all your test results. Hope you get them soon.

Lawsy – good luck with the Clomid hun.

Lainey-lou – Glad the counselling in helping mrs.

Mrs Chaos – Scan pic’s are so difficult. My Best Friend is 25 weeks pregnant at the moment and it’ so hard for me, we see each other everyday. But she’ a star. I’ be lost without her and I can’ wait for her to get her bundle of joy, she so deserves it.

Bubblicious- I hope you are having a good break.

Hi to Wendeth, faithfullyhoping, Gabrielle, Nanook

I cant believe I have managed a post this size. Im quite proud of myself

Angel83


----------



## bubblicous

missy - you make me laugh so much   i think your dp is right i can just see all the willies checking out the boobage    youll make all the men scared espec if they find out what a nymph youve turned into poor dp hope you give him a rest    fingers crossed your dp   caught your little eggie woohoo

angel - how are you finding the tamoxifen

suzy - how are you today i get a bit lost somtimes with the posting espec if ive not been on all day i just try my best and hope not to miss to many peps out

lawsy - have fun on your trip also good luck with the nutty pills fingers crossed they work for you i know what you mean with the longest wait to start it i felt the same with mine now im on the dreaded 2ww of my 1st cycle

lainey - glad the counselling is going well and your trying to get back into your card making im thinking on starting back my guest book and photo album making as i let it fall a bit and it was something i loved very much  goodluck with the bloods to honey 

mrs chaos - glad ds gave you a lovely card and sorry about the whole sil and scan pic some people are so inconsiderate its not bad that you felt jellous wed all be the same 

well as for me im tired and the boobage is killing me and i have cramp pains in the old uterus so pretty sure af is on her way dreading the af due to the pains i got round about ov they were bad so what the hell is the damm af going to be like 
im away to decorate now i keep saying it and never doing it but today i will deff get it finished 

    to all


----------



## angel83

Hey Bubblicous

The Tamoxifen is Grand. Ive has no side effects from it, unlike the clomid. 

Thank Goodness, cause its made it alot easier.

Angel83


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

Suzy yes pm me my lovely - are you ok  Things are ok with us at the moment and I even had a 'I love you ' note left for me this morning!!  Nearly fainted with shock actually - This may sound cynical but I know itll only be a short while before its back to 'normal' ....

Gotta go and pick ratbag up from school..

Have spent the whole day spring cleaning !!  Ive still got kitchen cupboards to clean and the carpet cleaner to get out tom but feel so much better for having a clean house!!

Kisses to all 

xx


----------



## missyb

evening all!! just checking in to make sure everyone is ok 

hi bubs! glad i make you larf.. this IF lark makes us cry often enough eh? no rest for dp untill next week!! lol he reckons that there is nothing left in there!! im quite achey tonight in the ovary area but im not sure if thats due to all of the jangling about that it's had! (as i only have one ovary so it's under alot of pressure to produce eggies for me!)

hi angel83.. how are you sweety? in what way did clomid send you loopy? im dreading the next cycle as i think ive been a nightmare!

hi nanook,, you have been a busy bee! my house at times looks like we've been burgled!


love to all!


amanda xx


----------



## bubblicous

oooooo missy fingers crossed thats the start of ov pains

tell him no to man and just get on with it thats hat i told me dh most men would fall about the place to have a nympho wife not mine though he moans   but it has to be done

i nearly bought a pg test tonight at asda but i dragged myself away as if i had bought it i would have done it before my af was due so if i dont have it in the house them temptation wont be there

have decided though i will buy one if af hasnt appeared by sat i think


----------



## missyb

lol!! oh sweety you did good! im dreadful as we have tons of hpt's at work and i have to stop myself from stealing them all and peeing on them! fingers crossed for you that saturday brings you a bfp! how is work going? if i dont reply it is because im making sexy eyes at dp (more like   and ive dragged him to bed to take it like a man! lol x

amanda x


----------



## angel83

Well Ladies 

Update from me, i am still a Tamoxifen Lady.

I had a scan today at the appointment and it went as follows - 

When i had a tracking scan on clomid CD14 i had 1 follicle 14mm. I had AF 14 days later, so the follicle was immature and not large enough. 

Today i was CD7 and i had 2 follicles 1 @ 7.2mm and the other was 12mm. I have been told that this is a great result and that i should complete another 4 cycles after this current one. Apparently my Endometrium was good too ( i assume this means womb lining). 

I was happy enough even though im not progressing to IUI yet, and they feel i should give this tamoxifen a good chance. So i will.

Angel83


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Ladies

Had my 1st accupuncture app today. Went really well. Didnt hurt at all really surprised.
She gave me a book to read called  FIT FOR FERTILITY  Anyone read it?

Hope everyone is ok


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi All

I did type out a longish message this morning, but lost it all  .  Anyway I'll try again but shorter this time!

Angel - That's good news about your follies, you must be really chuffed. Sounds like it's definitely going in the right direction. It feels good when something goes right for a change doesn't it.

Lyndalou - Glad acupuncture went well, I've been having it for 18 months now, but I remember my first few appointments were great, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  Haven't heard of the book but sounds interesting. Let us know if it's worth getting hold of.

missyb - sorry about your ex's girlfriend, very galling for you.  But you'll soon be joining her hun.

Pand - you're very brave selling all your baby stuff, like missyb said you'll bound to get prg now! Nevermind you can buy all new stuff! 

Me - just hanging around waiting to start my next iui cycle, should be next weekend I think!

Hugs to everyone

Faithful x


----------



## bubblicous

missyb said:


> if i dont reply it is because im making sexy eyes at dp (more like  and ive dragged him to bed to take it like a man! lol x


i love it i love it

just you tell him 

today i have had the boak all day its driving me bonkers everytime i try to do soemthing it starts up arrrgggghhh
ive got a really sore back too so me thinks af is on her way though baakache is something i get all the time so i could be wrong i guess

anyway dh just heard me laughing at your take it like a man  he asked wot was so funny so i told him
well that started him on a little rant about how men are just taken from granted and expected to perform get a hard on and get on with it   
i told him to be quiet and except it its gonna happen every month so to deal with it  

men eh you would think they would be happy to see all this action but noo they have to moan

ffh - goodluck with your next cycle fingers crossed for ya

lynda - let me know how the book was i think i may look into accupunture quite fancy it

angel -  and kisses

everyone else big hugs to all sorry im not in more of a chatty mood but i keep damm boaking its no fun


----------



## cinders35

Hello all!!

Just popping in to update.

Dd appearing to have a better week in school, touch wood! Though I think from what she says, one of the girls is  very bossy in her class. 
' If you don't follow my instructions, you can't come to my party'  . But I presume this is just the beginning, and Dd has a lot to learn. Not everyone is nice, a sad fact, but true!!!
Day 7 stimming. Doing well so far in the follie dept. Am on completely different drugs to last 2 cycles and seem to be responding better so far. Last two cycles left ovary was very lazy, but this time it has the most follies. Strange isn't it? Have never been to fussed on big numbers before, as I know it's quality not quantity, but we are hoping to go to Blast this time, so the more the merrier!! Bit worried about fert rate though, as don't think Dp has been taking his vits regularly enough  .
Oh well, we'll see...watch this space!!!
I am being very positive, something has clicked in my brain. It's going to work this time. Every time a negative thought tries to creep in, I push it to one side. I have spent 2 cycles convinced it wasn't going to work, and it didn't. So maybe this time, convincing myself it will work will give me the outcome I so long for?! It's so [email protected] feeling negative about ivf all the time, I'm not going to be negative this time unless I absolutely have to. I'm excited, it's going to work!!!
I know what a fool I will look later if bfn, but I'll take that risk. 

Thankyou for all your kind thoughts,
Hope you don't mind no personals, in our new pact type thingy?!
Love Cindersxxx
p.s What's boaking?!!


----------



## bubblicous

cinders glad your being all positive hunni its good for you and glad dd is getting on better

boaking is like being sick but there being no sick wrenching i guess is another word for it here in sunny scotland we call it getting the boak i hope i have spelt it right though


----------



## faithfullyhoping

BUbbs - I was wondering what it was too! Thought you'd mistyped something but couldn't think what! Hope AF isn't on her way, but if it is then remember it's only the first month of Clomid.

Cinders - Good for you being positive, it's got every reason to work. Normal people think that they're going to get pregnant every month they try don't they so why shouldn't we!!! I'm going to take a leaf out of your book and try and be positive for me next iui cycle.

Faithful x


----------



## cinders35

oooohh,

Boaking might be good then?
Might be twins and you have early morning sickness?

Told ya, I'm positive. Not a negative bone in my body!
Think I might have peed out all the negativity with all the water I'm drinking for these follies!  

Love Cindersxxx

p.s check out Kelway's thread. She stood up for us all in Waitrose. My new hero!


----------



## SUSZY

hi girls
as ever love to you and sorry not been on for a few days
we saw dhs mum and took her to mine on Sunday and it went well considering her past history
it was mums bday yesterday and we went over there
i have been quite distracted and trying not to think too much about baby stuff, I have the biospy of my endo tomorrow at four 30 and the results of my blood will all be here in about four weeks.  I am not in such a hurry as i thought i would be.
i think the wine and a few films and lunches out is what i need although will have to get back on track sometime
went back to ww tonight i am 11 4 which considering i have been eating and drinking for the last few months i think is pretty good and even after the illnes I was 11.  my goal weight would be 10 2 and I really think I might be able to do it.
i still will drink wine only less of it but will try and eat less
not much else to report - probably have loads to say but not on here just not in the mood
good luck cinders and quite agree with what kelways says and feel like that so much myself, today i was asked to speak to some norwegians about outdoor education and it was really interesting and as we went around the room there was only one other mum with only one child and when it came to my turn near the end (after girls wth 4 and 3) most of whom were really nice I said I have one child in year one even though I really want another one - sometimes its just so nice to get it out there!
saw another girl at ww tonight who have not seen for a long time and told her I managed to get myself preg and m/c again
sometimes you just have to say it
missby thinking of you as ever
I am too tired now to do personals but thinking of you all as ever
lots of love and kisses
susie


----------



## Davis

Hello ladies

I posted on peer support about whether I was destroying my child in the pursuit of another and well someone told me to come over here and join you all. Unfortunately I am here to vent as I am very upset and need some advice from someone who has been there.

Brace yourself Im gonna vent...................

Woke up today on IVF test day with AF. Did test anyway as they say you have to and so got a double dose of BFN.

I want to burst into tears but cant because of DS so instead have been screaming at him all morning for being naughty. He is the result of IVF 4 years ago. 

DS has been amazingly naughty lately, right when I cant cope. Last week he had a temper tantrum at nursery (he has only been there 1 term) and apparently it was so bad that 'he threatened the safety of staff and children' by throwing stuff around. Its so unlike him to behave like this. 

Then on Mothers day I was in bed until 8am so he sat next to me and said ' mummy Im doing a wee' and proceeded to wet the bed! Needless to say this type of behaviour is weird and not normally like him.

Yesterday after nursery the teacher drew me aside to tell me that my 3 year old DS told one of the other children to 'shut up you f**king b*stard'. I asked him where he got that language from and he said from mummy yelling at daddy. 

So I am officially a bad mother! I have had a terrible cycle of IVF which went wrong at every stage. I have been short tempered and depressed and I am getting my payback now. But mostly I feel like I have failed everyone and most importantly my DS.

Want a divorce because my DH spent all last night stoned and drunk (also did this 2 nights before on my first early BFN) and telling me his life was sh*t and worthless and everyone else had better lives than us. And recounting how his mate in South Africa is having their second baby and surfing everyday. And everyone else has 3 children and keeps saying we are a doomed couple.

These are understandable emotions on a BFN we have them every time but still it makes me feel so guilty (all of this is my fault) and are poorly timed. He hasnt yet even done so much as tap me on the shoulder in a 'mate' kind of way in terms of condolance for how I might feel about this failed IVF let alone actually giving me a hug, talk about it or be bothered to spend some time with me.

Feel really gutted and like this is the end of the line. I am so fat so that is making everything twice as bad. I have put on 15 kilos since last August and have gone from a being a slim woman to a fat one! I actually have started turning down getting out with friends because I dont fit into any clothes I have even my old maternity clothes are too small and I dont feel like I can be seen in public!

I can spend any time with someone who is pregnant, and am cancelling taking my child to a family easter egg hunt despite the advice of everyone else to the contrary just so I can avoid the pregnant one! 

You could say Im a bit low today. Im not use to failure and I dont have anyone else to talk to because know one understands why we keep ttc and have honestly taken the approach that as we have a child anything else we do now is just bringing the pain on ourselves.

I hope someone can relate as I feel low and alone. 
Thanks girls
Ba
x


----------



## emilycaitlin

Hi Davis, welcome to the thread.  You'll find lots of support on here from people feeling exactly the same emotions as you, that although we love our children more than anything else in the world, we still don't ffeel complete, and even though we know that we should be spenidng every focus on the children that we have, we still are thinking constantly about the one that we don't have.

It's really hard, and no one else can understand unless they are going through it.  You aren't a bad mother, you are just a normal Mum with a small son, who, like every other child in the world, is growing up and testing boundaries of what's right and wrong, finding out what happens when they misbehave, and when they are good.

Please don't blame yourself, keep checking in here every day, we are pretty friendly!!


----------



## bubblicous

morning ladies

cinders- i love the positive attititude babes its great go with it though im not feeling it today sorry to confuse you all with the boaking talk, id love to think its ths start of early morn sickness but i dont think it is im not being very positive today at all am i, hope your ok and those follies are growing big

davis - sorry about your bfn and af turning up    

suzy - big   glad your mil time went well 

missy - hope your well babes thinking about you and your poor dp     

ffh - hope you are well id be uttery shocked if the clomid worked for me 1st month plus id be in alot of trouble with my mum over my sisters wedding i took it expecting it not to work so i willbe like :O:O if it does then i will have alot of explaining to do to my mum member she asked me to try and not be pregnant 

anyhoos im sore & tried i feel asleep last night whilst dh and dd's were eating there dinner dh then sent me to bed but i tried not to sleep till at least 11 otherwise i would have been up half the night  

got really bad pain in my back so pretty sure af will be here soon and then we will crack on with cycle 2 woohoo


----------



## jobo5572

Hi Davis.  Sorry to hear about AF  

Please don't feel so bad - it's not all your fault.  I too have a DH who has been extremely unsympathetic, unhelpful, downright hurtful and non-supportive throughout all of the IF stuff and at times I hate him for it  .  I also have a 3 and a half year old DS who I feel extremely guilty towards as I'm sure I've been the mother from hell for him  - I suffered terrible post natal depression after having him, finally got over that when he was about 18 months old and then started to ttc no.2 about 2 years ago so have been exceptionally miserable since then too.  Whilst I love him to pieces and couldn't bear to be without him, I'm sure that I must've been vile to be with ever since he was born, poor love.  He has always been a placid loving child who wasn't naughty, but recently he has started to play up and I can't help blaming myself.  People keep telling me it's a phase and he'll grow out of it but I still blame myself. Also, although I've never heard him swear, I wouldn't be surprised if he does one day as I feel that I am constantly swearing and shouting at my DH for the insensitive unhelpful person he is and the fact he makes me so miserable.  Whilst I try not to swear with DS around, in the heat of the moment when DH has p1ssed me off I just can't help myself sometimes.  I keep thinking it's the Clomid that's turned me into a witch, but on second thoughts I realise that I was probably the same before I started it.

Sorry Davis, I'm probably not helping you at all here as I am starting to rant myself !  Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in all of this and that the way you are feeling is pretty much how I feel too, and I think a lot of other ladies on here.

I am sick to death of being surrounded by PG women and friends who "just fall PG".  It's also all over the TV too, and in fact everywhere you look.  It is so damned depressing and I'm so glad I found this site a few weeks ago as none of my friends have any notion of what it feels like to go through what I'm going through and continue to shove babies in my face, show me scan pictures, moan about life with 2/3 kids etc. etc. and it drives me insane.  I also feel dreadful for my DS as an only child, as all of his little friends have siblings and he has started to ask why he hasn't too  .  I have up and down days but mostly down I'm afraid as I just feel so low about the whole thing and I feel I've got no support - except from this site now !

Keep your chin up.

Everyone else - sorry for no personal comments - at work with boss breathing down my neck so must go.  Big hug to everyone


----------



## bubblicous

the nurse just phoned me back to give me my LH level results from my day 20 blood last week and the level was 31

does anyone know if thats good


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!!

aw davis... hun i wish i knew what to say. i cant add to what the other girls have said other than to re-iterate that you are NOT a bad mum and im so sorry dh is being a pain in the ass! im with you on the weight thing... ive have put on 2 stone and i soooo do not feel sexy and it affects the confidence we have in ourselves.  

hi jobo.. im so sorry that your dh is an ass too... it's so unfair.. when you're dealing with IF you need tlc and heaps of understanding. i know what you mean about pg women being everywhere! it's like when you're on a diet and everywhere there seems to be food! it's torture!  

hi bubs.. how are you doing? so sorry that dh got upset! (at least you didnt say to him 'you arejust a penis to me!' hope he is ok hun. i think your LH means that you have had a surge.. i think the normal values are 5-20 at normal times in your cycle...and elevated before ov.. dont quote me on that though hun... ive got my tracking scan tomorrow. im v nervous. in the same day i have an abdo ultrasound to make sure that what killed mum isnt genetic.. i then have the dentist and after that my tracking scan so no area of my body will go un-fiddled with!

hi lainey-lou.. hope you have a wicked time sat night

hi suzy.. thinking of you as ever hun. your text intrigued me! hope you're ok darling. 

hi cinders...i'm glad that you are feeling so positive.. it's a good thing. glad that your lazy ovary has got it's act together! i have everything crossed for you!


anyway, that's it from me as im pooped.. today was the 2nd day of my course and my brain is on data overload!

hope you are all well... love to all


amanda xx


----------



## bubblicous

wow missy your going to be having fun today eh good luck with it all and fingers crossed theres a nice big follie for you ready to pop

it was my progesterone level they checked for and the level i had showed deff ovulation so that can only be good fingers crossed all the bms worked i love the your only a penis to me i may use that one to wind him up    though he knows that i dont mean it dont know what id do without him

was out last night with my heavily pregnant friend shes so excitied shes due on saturday its so close and when i left her i kept saying next time i see you you will be a mummy she looks fab and im very proud of the fact that i was overjoyed for her and that was the only feeling i had no jellousy or anything infaact iw as so excited 

well im much the same today as yesterday bloated with a sore back just wish af would hurry up as im itching to start cycle no 2 now i know its working

sorry for the lack of personals today but im off out xxxx


----------



## nanook

Hi you lot o lovelies

Welcome Davis - sorry you are having a hard time re dh - I generally think men cant even begin to fathom an understanding of what we are going through here. Men are, essentially, self centered loathsome b*stards who resent us for having any other interest than them or their specific well being.  I think they are jealous of the amount of time we spend thinking of this fertility stuff rather than thinking solely of them.  Oh well - tough ti*ties I say to the lot of em! 

I too am surrounded by overly fertile people, once again!!  My next door neighbour (whose hubby has non lymphonic (?) cancer which is incurable and he's only 30 so wish them the very best of luck) has just found out she's preggers - she had the coil removed late last year and fell pregnant straight away!!  (her third) My sil who is due in June (her fourth) and yesterday whilst working at sunny old Tescos my cousin who announced shes 20 weeks (her Fourth).  Although I am SO happy for each of these people I WANT TO BE PREGNANT TOO!  I want to be shopping for baby things and walking around with that smug self satisfied ' look what I can do' smile.  Give me morning sickness and weight gain and sleepless nights and smelly nappies etc etc ANY DAY!!  

Ive got dh (who has been being really nice for some reason) back on the Zinc and Selenium and am working as much as poss o/t to keep my mind off the baby stuff and Im not drinking half as much wine and Im praying my little heart out that this year will be our year!!!!!!!!  

I was talking to someone yesterday at my sons Martial Arts class whose 8 year old daughter goes there who after me asking 'wheres the little one' told me he had died! he had an epileptic fit off and on for 3 weeks then was in a vegatitive (is that a word??) state and then died!  how sad is that?? and how lucky are we all for having the children we have, and I know we all know that anyway but god we are SO lucky!!  

Fingers crossed for us all - hope this will be OUR year girls.

xxxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi guy

Nanook - that's awful about your friends little one, I can't imagine ever having to go through that.  You're right we do need to remember how fortunate we are sometimes. n My friend has just had her first baby, and another friend is prg with her first.  Dreading having to go and see the baby, but I'm sure it'll be fine.

Davis - Welcome.  I'm so sorry about your bfn, you must be both devestated.  I was reading your signature and it looks like you have both gone through so much.  I'm sure your son is just trying your boundaries, and perhaps attention seeking a little, he probably realises that your thoughts have been elsewhere recently but doesn't understand why. He'll settle down again I'm sure.  I think getting stone drunk is a mans way of dealing with this whole if thing. They feel like a failure as much as we do but feel unable to do anything about it.  My DH reacts in the same way sometimes, although at the moment he is doing as he's told and taking vitamins and cutting back on drinking!

I don't know if you feel you can think ahead at the moment, but I noticed that ivf has worked for you before so I guess there's no reason it can't work again. This if thing is such a lottery isn't it. 


Bubbs - you never know perhaps af isn't coming this month!  When is it due?  It's nice that you feel so excited for your friend.  I think if it's somebody you really care about then you do.

Anyway, take care everyone and have a good weekend.


Faithful xx


----------



## wouldbegreat

Hi Everyone
Just to say i am much better now i was so ill with the tonsillitis i have been to Pompey shopping yesterday with friends and am of to a Ann summers party and out on the town tonight .I have found it difficult getting out on my own as i have had my dh with me for last 4 weeks lost my confidence a bit .We are having lots of   at the moment .
                                                  love to you all


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## bubblicous

ffh - af is due tomrrow or sunday fingers crossed it doesnt come but i dont want to work my self up as when i come crashing down it tends to be bad 
im working all weeked though so prob wont test till mon if it not here dh wants me to test of sunday but i dont think i could do that then go to work as either way all id want to do is spend the day with dh 

i feel like ive been hit by a bus today now think im coming down with something im as white as a ghost and so tired thinking on havinv a lie down and reading my book 

my girls are dead good if they know im not feeling well they tend to either play quietly in the room with me or lie with me (thats them looking after me)

i took them today to have there photos done by a proff photographer at nursery they were so pretty cant wait to see the pics

ffh - how are you anyway you never said

lainey 2 - so glad your feeling better and goodluck with the bms hunni     

everyone else hello and hope you are all well and having a nice friday afternoon xxxx


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## wouldbegreat

Hi bub 
I am not supprised you feel under the weather you are going through a tuff time the pretence of it all is a night mare i am at the begging of it all and its doing my head in already .I can understand you not wanting to test until Monday as you have good reason to leave it till then but its hard to leave it to .I am really hoping it works for you     you really deserve it honey .Take some time out and rest if you can it is very wearing all this pretence people don't understand .
                                                         wbg


----------



## missyb

morning ladies!

as you can see from the time im up ridiculously early for a saturday!! last night i did fall asleep on the sofa at 9pm so what do i expect eh? 

i had a day of it yesterday which ended in my tracking scan being a nightmare! the cons says i have a huge cyst and he cant see if there are any follies or not.. he wants me to come back as soon as af has started so that he can do another scan to see what the cyst is doing (probably will be playing the piano singing dirty by christina aguilera.. what does he mean see what it's doing!!) the thought of the dildocam when af is here just makes me feel dirty. right now i just want to throw my toys out of my pram and have a full on tantrum!! nothing seems straight forward! i just want a baby... im not asking to be a size zero or win the lottery.. so what is the problem? im fed up of feeling useless.. or like some clapped out motor that's on it's way out!!


ok rant over

sorry for no personals.. i will catch up with everyone.


amanda xx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls

bubbs - I'm not too bad, thanks for asking.  Getting bored of being at home and having nothing to think about apart from not being able to get pregnant though!  Am thinking of whether to go back to work, doing what I'm trained for (Careers adviser) or maybe setting up a business in something.  I've got to do something or I'm going to explode!!!!  There's been 2 bfps on the iui thread this month which is really positive, I'm just hoping that next month I'll be one of them!!! Hope you're feeling bit better, I remember that Clomid made me feel quite tired although Ionly had it for a month.


Missyb - Sorry about your cyst hun, it's so frustrating isn't it.  I had 2 cysts when I was on Clomid, but they went went with af, so that's what the consultant probably meant.  The Cyst don't actually stop you ovulating so you could still get prg with it. I've had loads of scans during AF because you have to have baseline scan at the beginning of treatment cycle to check for cysts.  It is a bit horrible but the nurses and doctors do it all the time so don't worry about it.

Lainey2 - Hope you are feeling better about getting out and about.  You'll soon be back into the swing of things.

Have good weekend everyone

Faithful x


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## jobo5572

Hello ladies - this will just be a quickie as DH is moaning about the amount of time I'm on the laptop - like he won't be sitting on his backside for the rugby this afternoon !!

Anyway, I need your help/advice please - I'm confused  .  Have been using OPK's this week (which I've been using for years and they have cost a ruddy fortunes as you'll be aware !).  Anyway, 2 days ago I got a positive for LH, which should mean that I'm about to ovulate, shouldn't it ?  However, I can't help but think about what a consultant once told me - as in the OPK's are a waste of time/money as they may detect a surge but that doesn't necessarily mean you're going to ovulate.  Anyway, my confusion is that I haven't had any CM this week.  I think I may have read somewhere that Clomid can dry up CM (sorry ladies) but I'm not sure.  I'm now presuming as I haven't had any CM that I've not ovulated - again.  Can anyone shed any light on this please ?  In my desperate state to try and get PG I just can't get anything straight in my head any more.

And in any case, DH decided to be Mr Floppy the night of the OPK positive (even though I didn't tell him) and then the night after too.  I could've killed him !!!  After a bit of coaxing (won't go into detail !  ) he managed it once !  I'm just unsure as to whether it would've been pointless anyway as if I didn't ovulate it wouldn't have mattered, but if there's a chance I did ovulate I want to stab him with the sharpest knife I can find as I'll have now missed my window of opportunity.  We did have   a few days before the positive so there's always a faint hope.

Sorry, I am rambling.  Any advice gratefully appreciated.  And if you hear of a DH being murdered in the Worcester area, it could well be me !!!! 

Love to you all, and have a good weekend.


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## Pand

Hi everyone,

I can't keep up with this thread any more!!

Jobo - Don't stab DH in the Worcester area, as that's where we live (Droitwich) and DH is DI on the murder squad in Birmingham, so he would have to arrest you!!!!!!!!!!!!  When I was on clomid last year my CM dried up completely, but I definitely ovulated as I could feel it!!!  (ouch).  Apparently you can get some lubricant called pre-seed (not sure how expensive or successful) which behaves just like CM and I have heard some success stories using it.  Might be worth investigating?  

FFH - I can honestly say, that whilst my job is exhausting and sometimes I wish I could win the lottery and jack it all in, it has been my life line these last couple of years.  It's given me something else to focus on and has helped keep my mind off some of the awful things that have gone on too.  I would strongly recommend it for preserving sanity!

Missyb - as some of the others have said, cysts are really common on clomid and won't stop you ovulating.  As long as its just a follicular cyst (highly likely) it will naff off of its own accord over a couple of months; it will just cause a bit of discomfort for you.  I'm sure having dildo cam during af won't be much fun, but it will be good to know what's going on.  As for feeling like a clapped out motor, I know EXACTLY how you feel!  Me too!  Think I'm a battered old style ford escort, with rusted pipes, falling off exhaust and 250 thousand on the clock!  But you're not useless hun.  I understand you feel like your body has let you down, I've been there lots of times, but it's not your fault flower.  Just life giving you a swift kick in the clackers.  It's never going to be straight forward for any of us on here is it?!!!!  Keep hanging in there flower pot.  As for putting on weight, I lost 2 stone last year and was 11 stone when I fell pregnant in July.  I'm now back up to 12 1/2 stone and look like a fat heffer.  So you're not on your own.  I will try and do something about it, but I just don't have the strength at the mo.  One thing at a time mate.  

Emilycaitlin - how are doing mate?

Davis - welcome to the board.  I think that everyone on here beats themselves up about being rubbish mothers.  Since I've been on here we have all felt that we are letting our little ones down, exposing them to too much of our angst etc etc.  I'm absolutely certain you are NOT a bad mum, and I'm sure that most of your little one's behaviour is what would have happened anyway.  At the end of the day, you are doing this for them, and putting yourself through hell.  How does that make you a bad mum?  I've been keeping a journal through all of this, cos I worry my little ds has seen me in tears and in hospital so much over the last couple of years.  One day, I'm going to sit down with him and tell him exactly what I did to try and get him the sibling he so desperately wants.  I'm sure he will understand and I can already see him putting his arm round my shoulders and saying "It's ok mum!"  As for dh I'm really sorry he is being such a git.  Men just have no understanding of the powerful emotions and instinctive desire we have for children and how much it drives us.  I wish I could give you some advice, but I'm not really sure what to suggest.  Just know that you can come on here and rant as much as you like!

Susie - worried about you at the mo.  You sound really flat in your post.  Come and chat hun.  You have my number if you want to text.

Cinders - glad you're drinking and weeing lots!  You are amazing!  I don't know what pills you are on, but can you send some to me?!!!!  Have a little dance for your follies, and keep me posted with your progress.  You were so there for me during my cycle, I want to do the same for you.   

Laineylou - How's the car?  Have you been brave enough to go mad yet?  

Lyndalou - good to hear from you and glad you are having acupuncture.  I've heard really good things about it.  How are you feeling in yourself, and what's your next step on this horrendous journey?  You've probably already told us, but I can't keep up with all the posts on this thread anymore!


Hi and love to everyone else!

I think by doing all of these personals I have redeemed myself for not being on much this last couple of weeks.  Am feeling a bit low today (1 week before AF I always do).  Had to sign and circulate the "Good luck with your new baby" card for the girl at work who was pregnant at the same time as me this week, which hurt and only served to remind me where we should have been.  Instead, I've been bagging up all our baby things ready for the NCT sale tomorrow.  It's been so sad doing it, but I think I'm finally accepting that this is it for us.  It still hurts and some days I feel better than others, but I just haven't got the energy to fight the inevitable any more.  It just seems the more I struggle the more awful things happen, a bit like if you were stuck in a noose!  So I give up, I'm waving my little white flag!  Time to get on with life I think.  We aren't going to stop trying altogether, but I'm loathed to waste any more money on IVF.  If it didn't work last time, I just don't feel it will work any other time.  So we've spent all the money we have on a holiday in the summer.  It's kind of scary committing to that decision, but I just don't want to be so utterly consumed by all this and miserable any more.  I went to have my follow up smear last week too, so now I'm waiting for those results.  I'm really nervous, as I've just got a feeling I'm going to need some treatment, and I can't face much more prodding, poking, cutting and snipping.  The less I have to do with hospitals and medical centres at the moment the better. I've had a gut full!  

So, that's me I'm afraid.  Hope all gone, fight all gone.  

Sorry to be such a misery, but as I said, I'm putting down to my hormones which are always like this at this time of the month!

So come on bubblicious, I need something to cheer me up!  Let's be having a BFP!

Lots of love and speak soon everyone.

Pand











Bubblicious - your symptoms have got my hopes up.  I'm hoping and praying for a BFP for you I really am.  Has af appeared yet?  Fingers crossed for you.

Lainey2 - why have you lost your confidence hun?  Sorry to hear you have been so poorly. I used to get tonsillitus lots when I was younger and its vile.  How was the Ann Summers party?  Did you treat yourself to any goodies?!!!

Nanook - great to hear from you and I'm so pleased dh is being a bit nicer now... about time too!  I completely sympathise with the pregnant people everywhere bit.  Every time I open a flipping magazine, I see celebs who have got pregnant, had their baby and are now pregnant again in the time we have been trying!  (Kerry Katona, Gwen Stephanie, Angelina Jolie).  Why is it, when they already have everything they could possibly want it comes so easily to them?  They don't deserve it half as much as us do they?  But then, you are so right when you talk about your friends little one.  I couldn't bear it if anything happened to ds.  I just don't think I could carry on with life.


----------



## nanook

Hi Pand

yeah i know exactly what you mean, I couldnt go on without Kane.

I meant to say to the Clomid girls; I  was on Clomid Three years ago and found it awful! every time I took one I felt totally drugged up, couldnt move!!  Just laid on the sofa and I could feel the drug going through my body it was horrible!! I was then put on Metformin which turned me into a total phsyco... I was on it for a few weeks and it wasnt until I launched my mobile phone through my glass front door for no reason at all in front of ds and then sat on the stairs crying uncontrollably (he gave me his teddy bear and I felt so guilty!)  that I called my GP (I was prescribed the metformin at the fertility clinic)and he advised me to stop taking it immediately.  Apparently its for diabetics or something anyway and only 'might' help with fertility! great huh!  Dont mind trying anything that might work though hey girls.

Love to all gonna go cuddle up on the sofa with my little man

xx


----------



## jobo5572

I've just re-read my earlier post !!  Can I just confirm ladies that I'm not really a psycho ! (though at times the Clomid makes me feel that I am !)

Pand - I will be a good girl and there won't be any blood spilt in this house (well not tonight anyway  !) so your DH can save a trip over here !  Really not sure about the ovulation bit - my body has been messing around for the past couple of years, not ovulating, and I can't say I've really noticed any difference since I've supposedly been ovulating.  I've had stomach cramps all day (bit like period pains really), but then I've had this before.  Mr Watts (bless him) told me not to be concerned about stomach cramps so I'm not going to be.  I saw a post somewhere on this site about the Pre-seed stuff and promptly bought some last week !  It's a bit of a faff though as you have to insert this tube thingie into yourself (not exactly what you want in the heat of the  moment !) to get the stuff in the right place (sorry to be so graphic !), and you can also have sachets of the stuff for putting on DH but that too is a faff - and as it's quite liquid-like it makes a right ruddy mess !  Put DH right off the first night I produced it  .  That, teamed with his Mr Floppy = disaster !!! 

You've been so brave bagging up all your baby stuff and taking it to an NCT sale - it's always at the back of my mind that perhaps I should do the same, but I'm not strong enough to do it, and I'm still hoping that something will happen, tho' it's not looking great, seeing as tho' I've been on Clomid for nearly 12 months to no avail.  Good on you for booking a summer holiday - are you going somewhere nice ?  I hope that by taking a break from it all and all the intrusive prodding/poking etc. that your time will come.  A big  from me.
Do you meet up with anyone from this area ?  I'm up for it if anyone else is.

Bubblicious....any news ?  Lots of      for you.

Nanook....how's that DH of yours ?  Been behaving himself ?  Men are such pigs and wouldn't know a hormone if it slapped them in the face.  Lets face it...they can't even cope with a cold .  Sorry to hear about your friends little one - I cannot imagine what that must be like.  How sad  .  I couldn't imagine my life without my DS - DH, yes   

Faithfullyhoping....hope you find something to occupy your time.  Much as I would love to give up work I think I'd get terribly bored, and I think being at work I have to try and take my mind off trying ttc, though it's very hard when there's PG women everywhere and people asking me when I'm going to have another.  I dread to think how much I would think about it all if I didn't go to work.  Good luck in your search for something..whatever it may be.

Lainey2...glad you're feeling better.

Missyb.....sorry to hear about the cyst.  As the other girls have said, I'm sure it'll all be fine.  Probably another side effect of the delightful Clomid.  And you're not useless.  Don't give up hope.  I know what you mean about feeling like a clapped out motor.....I feel so old, fat and miserable !

Davis...hope you're OK.

Crikey, this is getting a bit long and I'll probably lose it, so must go.

Laineylou, lyndalou, Suszy, cinders35, emilycaitlin, angel & everyone else...love to you all.

Sending lots of love and           to everyone.


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!! ( i say that coz dp always asks me how my ladies are!)

how are you all? it is now soooo hard to keep up with everyone! i had a lovely day yesterday and met up with one of the girls from the site who lives locally.. we went for a coffee which turned into lunch and then went shopping! it was so nice to speak freely to someone who knows what you are going thru and you know what they are going thru. she is under the same consultant and is on clomid.. so it was fab! i had a good night out though did end up feeling a bit teary at the end of the night.

hi pand... thank you for the words of reassurance.. i feel so much better today about it all and quite a few people have said the same thing about the cyst. i wish maybe he had told me that too as i came out of there on friday and wanted to cry... in the clapped out motor department im an old neglected beetle (coz im rounder than most cars) ive definatley seen better days, im reliable but rusty, bodywork needs attention, headlamps are dodgy. i have lost and put on 2 stone in the space of 18mths and i feel so unattractive. like you say though, deal with one thing at a time. i have been going to the gym but ive only been getting there once a week... so i need to get my ass in gear and go after work! im sorry that you are feeling so down hun. it must be so hard when you get a reminder like that. 2 of the girls on my old ward got pg at the same time and one m/c and although she is now pg again (which i try not to struggle with the fact that she has been pg twice in the time that ive been ttc without a whiff of a bfp!) she found it so hard esp as the 1st girl has just had her baby...  i know that you have decided to move on and im just hoping for you that it will happen when you least expect it (esp as you are getting rid of your baby things).

hi nanook.. how are you sweets? hope dh is still behaving himself... like the others im so sorry to hear about your friends little one... i cant imagine what it must've been like for them. im sorry you had such an awful time on the metformin! this mth ive just been a bit light headed and fluffy on the clomid but from what i hear you can get different symptoms each mth which i cant get my head around!

hi susie... thinking of you as always hun  

hi jobo... your post made me laugh hun! esp then to read pands post straight after about her dh!!! it is all very confusing about the lh surge etc... have you tried pre-seed? that helps imitate good cm and is good for if the clomid driesup your cm.. i havent found that my cm was less on the clomid but from what i gather the side effects vary from mth to mth! 

hi bubs.. any news? i have been thinking about you. when i had my tracking scan they said that my womb lining was 11 mm is that good? being a numpty i forgot to ask!

hi faithful.. thank you so much for the reassurance about the cyst and the scan at af... although i know it's not going to be pleasant for them or me.. i do feel a bit better about it as i didnt realise they did that for baseline scans. how are you sweety?

hi lainey2... how did the anne summers party go?? i havent been to one in ages! they have a shop in town and my niece wanted to go in it (she was 8 at the time!) as it's all pink on the outside!

hi lainey-lou... how are you my darling? did you have a good night out?

hi cinders... how is it going hun? hope you are still being positive hun... it will work for you... how many days of stimming do you have left?

hi to all that ive missed but havent forgotten.


amanda xx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi Girls

Has taken me ages to catch up again  

Cinders - good luck for EC tomorrow lovie.  I have everything crossed for you    

Missy - sorry to hear about your scan, I don't know much about that sort of thing but sounds like the advice the others gave is good.    Glad the other scan came out with the right result.

Pand - sorry to hear that you have had to deal with more rubbish.  It must feel like this other woman's pg is being rubbed in your face.  

Davis - welcome.  We all understand on here.  I think we all feel inadequate, frustrated and useless most of the time.  It is easy for me to say that you are not useless but I understand the feelings you have so don't want to dismiss them.  Sorry dh is not helping.  He is probably in pain too and doesn't know how to help himself let alone you.  It is a miracle none of us have had a divorce yet, IF puts such strain on our relationships  

Susie - glad the biopsy went well.  Good luck with the results.  You seem very quiet, you ok?  

Bubbs - any news ?  

Nanook - glad you are keeping busy in your new job and glad dh is behaving himself 

FFH - I was made redundant at the end of Jan and am slowly driving myself   at home.  Good luck with trying to find something, I think I should start looking too.

Hi to everyone else - EC, Jo, Jo, Lyndalou, Lainey2 and Angel.

I got my new car on Thursday and absolutely love it, it is so shiny and lovely.  Enjoying that immensely.  Feel a bit flat generally though. I am with Pand re: PMT, I get it badly and it makes me very down and teary.  WW has gone out the window this week because I just feel so bloated with PMT and wasn't losing any weight so stopped eating dust and am now eating lard    Can't wait for AF to materialise so I can get back to it and start losing again.  Feel like Mr Blobby at the moment.

Anyway must go

OOOhhhhhhhh blobby blobby


Lainey x


----------



## bubblicous

evening ladies

sorry ive not been on was working and 1-10 yesterday and then a 10-7 today so not been near the computer

well not good news af arrived this morning at 4am how nice was that of her  
was totally expecting her though as backache had got unbareable yesterday at work 
wasnt as gutted as thought i would have been think i even shocked  dh as he kept saying that the whole world would come crashing down for me if af arrived
this morn when i got up i knew she was there was scared to wipe (tmi as didnt want to see her) dh went to loo after me (this was 4am) and when he got into bed he gave me a huge hug and told me he loved me
i told him the whole world had come crashing down he said he knew the saw the tamppoons sitting out (how observant for that time i though) but that was it im fine

i mean really i have went for almost 4 years with af's arriving and bfn so whats one more

so its round 2 ting ting

not looking forward to taking the clomid again as it made me feel so guff but hey need must and at least i know its working just need to time the bms right


missy - love your cyst playing piano    u make me laugh so so much 11mm lining is great mine was 8.3 and i was told that was good so fingers crossed for ya hunni hows dp has he got over the abuse yet mines getting limbered up for round 2   fingers crossed for ya

lainey-lou - i know how you feel im so bloated at the mo too im even drinking fat jusice bad me glad you like the new car and good luck with the ww when u start back again 

jo - clomid makes me feel like that too fingers crossed you wont need it much more

pand -                                     
sorry i could cheer you up with a bfp hunni dont give up hope babes you never know never say never that what i say though i understand the whole money on ivf i dont know if i could do that when i think that with that money i could take my girls somewhere magical like disney etc 
your such a brave lady and an inspiration to us all xxxxx

ffh - im much the same though i go to work all i do is think about having a baby and it doesnt help when you sepnd the day developing photos of new babys im thinking about college infact have an interview on fri but im in 2 minds on wether or not to go  hope you feel better soon xx

well im off for a nice long soak in the bath and to sort through my photos for my interview on friday if i decided to go that it xxx


----------



## angel83

Hi Ladies

Sorry but its impossible to catch up here, just hope you are all well.

 Bubblicous.

Angel83


----------



## jobo5572

bubblicious - sorry to hear about wicked AF  .  Hope you're OK hun.


----------



## wouldbegreat

Bubb sorry about your af stay positive honey  
Well it windy on the Isle Of Wight .
I am safe all tucked up in bed AGAIN as i got a sickness virus early sunday morning im fed up with keep being ill .Everytime i try and go out in the world and get my confidence back im ill again .
Hope everyone else is safe and well .
                                                wouldbegreat


----------



## bubblicous

angel & jo - thanks so much for your thoughts i think i have really suprised myself at how fine i am i thought i would have been gutted but im not kinda wondering why but hey start my tabs again tonight so looking forward to that   

lainey - oh hunni i hope you feel better again soon xxxxx


----------



## lawsy

hi everyone, sorry not been on for a while I have been in the uk with no computer n there are so many of you I am really struggling to keep up with personals. I do however read them n wish u all well, good luck xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

cd10 now 1st cycle of clomid! n actually feelin ok


----------



## tuck

Hello all
I'm rubbish , got really behind again.

Just to say hi really.  Plodding on, think i/we (though dh has known for couple of months now) may start to try again after next af due this week hopefully. Its been 6 months now of not trying during which i've been trying to heal physically and mentally - maybe doing somthing may make me feel better though on the other hand am terrified to get on the roller coaster again- ahh am so scared will be so paranoid whatever happens cycle after cycle- not month after month in my case cos cycles are mad.  Will try naturally to begin with (as still have one tube though not sure what state its in after 2 laproscopies) then if nothing happens consultant wants me to have a third laproscopy and go from there. ie. clomid, iui, ivf eventualy So..... slight plan of action though i don't like making plans.  Wish us luck.

Bubbs, really sorry to hear   arrived but hey at least you ovulated- roll on this new cycle!!! and good luck 

lainy lou - whats your new motor then?? exciting, hopefully dh is getting a new job with co. car so i may be able to sell mine and trade up a bit. also with you on the pmt, i'm eating like a horse, dh is amazed at just how much i can put away, actually so am I. just been to gym though and then ate ds rice crispie cakes - whoops!!

jobo how you getting on with the clomid?  hope your dh is being a bit more supportive, men just don't get it.

Pand - how are things with you?  hope the nct sale wasn't too painful  - i admire you for getting round to it though i don't doubt how hard it was.  any more thoughts on moving school.  Funnily enough at the mo, i work for the same establishment as your dh and eventually when ds goes to school, if i can't have any more i want to be a teacher so may need advice.  i know what you mean re. weight - i put on 1/2 stone following each of my ectopics which is 1 1/2 stone after ds born.

missby - how things wity your treatment hope cyst has gone dow n - good luck xxx

lainy2 hope you feeling better now.

Susie, - how are you doing honey i hope you're ok - did you get your results yet?

davis - I'm so sorry to read your post and hear about your treatment - it must be such wretched news.  I can empathise with a lot of what you're saying as can all of us i'm sure.  Just to say welcome really - i'm still quite new but everyone is so supportive.

hi to nanook, faithfullyhoping and everyone else.  Hope you've not been too blown away in the storms.

Tuckxx


----------



## cinders35

Hey girls,
Just a quicky.
   to all who need, just help yourself!

Had EC today, so glad they do it under GA. Anyway got 10 eggs, so very pleased with that. Waiting for call a.m to see how many fert, and then hoping we can go to blastocyst. If so, ET will be Saturday.
Then the worst bit, the dreaded 2ww!!!
Going to start a 2ww diary again I think.
DP has gone to work, we have had some big unexpected bills come in, so sent him off to do extra shift!!! Dd has been looking after me, she knows the Dr was looking at my eggs today, and when she came home from school she said 'Have you got any eggs?' when I said 'yes, a few' she replied 'that's good then' and proceeded to check my tummy button for stitches. She looked most unimpressed when I told her they went via my 'bits' to see the eggs!!! That's all she knows. She seems to take things at face value, and so far not ask any more probing questions.   Love her!
Off to bed now,
N'night,
Love and hope to you all, Cindersxxx
p.s Bad Cinders   no personals...


----------



## bubblicous

cinders congrats 10 eggs well done you fingers crossed for lots of fertilised ones tomorrow

how sweet is that your wee girl asking about your eggs

today my wee girls friend came up to me in the playground and said dd wants you to have a baby so you have to hurry up im getting a wee brother so dd needs a wee bro 

i said yes i know maybe she can just borrow yours (its my next door neighbours wee girl and shes due her 3rd in june 1st boy though)

it amazes me how little people pick up on it all going on about them


----------



## SUSZY

hi girls    
I am so sorry I have been awol for so long, I have tried coming on a few times but after a few glasses of wine (have had none tonight well one weak bucks fizz) and trying to work my way through everyones news I tend to get side tracked and tired so I am really sorry about that.  I think a few of us are finding it so hard to keep up with everyone and it is time cosuming and then as a result we are posting less as I actually thought there would be more pages to catch up on.  I am not sure what the answer is but am here tonight!
I have been ok just out and about a bit meeting people for lunch, going to the gym, doing course at school, went theatre, back to WW shopping with dhs money that he got from his bday for presents for him not me spending it! and we had the biospy on Thursday which was really ok. The lady was very excited about my endometrium because we had used an egg donor and gone to great lenghths to avoid another m/c so think we are going to be really helping her with her pioneering reasearch.  We should get the results in about 4 weeks and we go back to see cons on 7th april so hopefully they will all come then, an appt came through for Bham for 11th April to sign consent forms as i rang them (although realise cannot make that one as away with my meditating group) so need to rearrange it all seems to be falling into place probably for about May! without much effort for a change and I think I might have come to terms with this being our last go.  I have been drinking way too much again but need to get back on track.  As most of you are in the same boat wth the easter hols only a week or so ago and we are going to my dads in devon for a few days and then I am going to visit my cousin and her baby in bournemouth and a friend in peterbrough - I would so love to meet up with any of you girls around Worcester if there is somewhere central we could meet up but think I might run out of time as my mum and step father have offered to take ds and me skiing so have agreed!! i thought why not so as you can see I have been awol but actually when I look at it have been sorting lots things out!

Cinders     I am so sorry not to have been here for you and well done on getting 10 eggs you clever girl and good luck to the eggies and sperms getting jiggy with it! This is such a hard stage but sending you lots of    and just seen a new one    Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.  How sweet you dd is to look at your tummy, ds still says oh you are trying again with the two eggs.  I felt like crying today and I was a bit upset with teacher but apparently they were going around saying what brothers and sisters and I said did that make you sad (i could have put idea in his head i suppose) and he said yes and then they had and when the boys got outside they said to ds oh you only have your mummy and daddy - I said did you tell them we were trying really hard and they said they didn't care.  I also saw him playing on his own twice in the mud although he looked ok.  its just so hard, we have parents eve on Wed so might mention it then.  good luck

Lainey - lou -      so sorry been quite just struggling to keep up with everyone, have been here there and everywhere a few lunches out, bit of the gym, bit of this bit of that.  The biospy went well and was quite tickly!  Bet you are enjoying the car and having fun cruising!!!!   wish i could come with you, do you play really loud 80s music in it too.  How have you been feeling?

Pand -       how are you sweetheart, sorry have been so quiet, see above have been up to this and that and also planning a few things, its also been very nice to go out for lunch and forget about if for a while, its amazing if you mix with slightly diff people then you can almost forget about it for a while! I do think one day that I need to get a job but would still like to wait a few months.  How much did you sell at the sale, we had ours this Sat but I did not help as we needed to spend time together as a family, since christmas have hardly seen dh due to campervan and video and work and we were really stressed around ds bday - he seems to have got better and be happier but think it took its toll on our marriage.  anyway we went shopping to liverpool and it was good fun.  I am so sorry how you are feeling but its so understandable and of course it was sad selling the stuff but you were brave for doing it.  I really need to get in the annexe and sort some baby stuff out for my cousin and some other stuff for a charity around her called Save the Family so will hopefully get around to that soon.  It would be lovely to meet up with you again over the easter hols even if for an hour or so - we will have to look into it.  Your summer holiday sounds good and think its exactly what you need (and us) thanks for your support.  As I say above we get results in about four weeks so hopefully it will all come together on 7th april and then when we go to bham a week later for the signing of the consent forms we should be all set to go in May.  Perhaps if we dont get a chance in the easter hols we could meet up when I get that next appt.

lainey 2   glad you are feeling better and good luck - I am sure you will be back on track soon

ffh -     I am sure you will soon find something to occupy your time, sometimes I think I really should get a job but other times I love doing what I do and I really need to sort loads of stuff out still!  I went to a learn direct course today and then a craft course this pm and have meditation tomorrow.  I cannot think what I want to do though!!!

bubb -     good luck as ever with the clommid,  it is amazing how perceptive kids are and sweet when they want to be.

missy -      thanks for your support as ever, I think you have been in contact with Maz/angelmummy so thanks for that.  I am like you and should be getting to the gym more, i went back to ww on Wed and did not think 11 4 was too bad but just getting on them now seem to have put weight on must be all the lunches out and too much wine and need to cut back on both    
Good luck with everything sweetheart and here for you too.  Your time with a fellow FFer sounded wonderful, is is someone we know? It sounded blissful, I did meet up with someone on Monday and think we might be going out with a few again this Friday, its so nice to share isn't it and not have to pretend or put on a smile etc.  Sorry about the cyst but glad its not as bad as it could be.

wendeth - know you are not coming on here much but wanted to say Hi

dizzy - hi to you too.    

lawsy - hope you are ok

EC thinking of you sweetheart   

sarylou - how are you doing and how are the wedding plans going    

mrs chaos - how are you sweetheart - what have you been up to, hope things are going ok for you??

lyndalou - hope you are ok     how is he book going

davis - welcome - we are all in the same boat here and offer each other support.    

tuck -    lovely to hear from you again and good luck with your ttc naturally, i think we all need time out sometimes to recover, heal and come to terms with things, just wanted to wish you luck and to say we are here for you.  Hoping it all goes well.

jobo -   hope you are doing ok and good luck with the dreaded clommid - men can be such a pain sometimes so not understanding or being there when they should!!!!!  I know what you mean about those ovul things I seem to get confused with them as surge was detected (but did have the mucas as well) and it must have been as the scan showed the lining there but sometimes I am not convinced and think its such a small window of opportunity.

angel 83 -     do know what you mean about catching up with everyone it just gets a bit overwhelming at times doesn't it.  I have tried a couple of times and it was all too much esp with wine but tonight I seem to be in the mood which is good!

nanook -     how are you sweetheart glad dh is being better and good luck with everything, they have a habit of doing that just when one gets really fed up with it all!  Typical isn't it!!!!  Dh said he wanted to go out for the day shopping and then he said go to York for the night but he has not been well so we just went shopping to Liverpool.  I kind of feel stronger though and think I can be a bit firmer than usual if that makes sense, I feel stronger.

Love to everyone else that I have missed and hope you are all ok

thanks for listening - its nice to be back , probably cannot post every night but its nice to be back and although I missed you all its quite good sometimes to have a little break.  its only now I am back that I realise it has done me good and I am actually sober for a change!
do need to get back to being healthy and the daffs are out and blossom bursting through and despite this horrid weather spring is on its way and there are good things to look forward to.

love
susie


----------



## wouldbegreat

Hi all
I am still ill i thought it was going to be just a 24hr bug but its not when i get up i feel dizzy and sick and have griping tummy pains (very noisey) just under ribs so def a tummy bug .
Its really getting me down now i can't eat much or drink becouse as soon as i do i get the pains .
I feel i have been through enough now and would like a break but as we all know  this doesen't happen does it  
                                               love to you all wouldbegreat


----------



## nanook

Awwwwwwwwww Lainey hope you feel better soon hun. 

Love to all xx


----------



## Jo1983

Hi, 

Just dropping by to say   to everyone. I really can't keep up with this thread anymore it's sooooooo busy!

Sending lot's of   and   to you all though.

Love Jo
xxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Cinders - 10 eggs - well done you  . Let us know how they go!!!!!

Suszy - You're so good at all those personals. I've kind of given up a bit and just reply to the most recent ones!  Glad biopsy went well. Be interesting to see if they get anything from it all. Keep us informed!


Me - Well I'm looking at starting my own business, with my best buddy! I've had lots of fun looking at different franchises and have even booked to go to the Franchise show in London in 3 weeks. Not really sure what to do though so any ideas would be gratefully received!

Must go, DH is 31 tomorrow and haven't got his prezzie yet!!!


Faithful x


----------



## cinders35

Thanks Faithful!!

Hello all.

Our 10 eggs went on to 8 embies. 

5 X 4 cell. Grade 1 x 1
              Grade 2 x 2
              Grade 2/3 x 2

1 x 3 cell  Grade 2/3

2 x 2 cell  Grade 3

This is our first EVER grade 1 embie!!!!  
So I guess most of hope will be with the 5 x 4 cell embies. This is nail biting stuff now. They are going to have a good look at them tommorrow morning and call us to let us know if they have to go back tommorrow, which will mean they are not looking so good, or if we can go to blast and have them put back on saturday. 
This is how I feel-
                        but mainly    

Sorry no personals, head in a spin  

Love all,

Cindersxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Cinders that looks pretty good to me.  I'm afraid i don't know what blast is though. Remember that positive attitude you're having this time, it's going to work whatever!
All the best.

Faithful x


----------



## tuck

cinders, think things are looking good for you.  Heres hoping they make it to blast on Saturday.  lots of    
and good luck

Tuckx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

Cinders -  YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYY!       You go girl!  Am absolutely delighted for you.  So good to hear some good news!  Just have a really good feeling about this for you.  Keep me posted tomorrow.  Will be biting my finger stumps down even further whilst I wait!  Love to you hun and forget the personals it doesn't matter at the mo!

Susie - You are a love.  It's good to hear that things are sort of coming together for you at last.  Good luck for the 7th April and enjoy your skiing trip (am v jealous!).  I completely understand you just wanting to escape from all of this for a while.  Sometimes you need some distance to get yourself together, and there is no need to apologise for not coming on.  We all feel for you and understand.  I'm so gutted we are away on 28th as I would have loved to have met up with you.  I agree, perhaps May will be an alternative.  Keeping everything crossed for the next appointment for you flower.

Bub - So sorry AF came.  Think you are being very brave about it.  Bring on the next round!

Lainey2 - Really sorry you have been so poorly hun.  Hope that nasty tummy bug is on its way out!  

Tuck - Spooky how much we all have in common some times.  Which force are you with?  DH is with West Mids (as was I until 4 years ago!).  So can give you lots of advice about going into teaching, although I'm probably not the best person to speak to about the job at the moment, as I'm not enjoying it at the mo and it is utter hard slog (all the time!).  It is worth it for the holidays tho, I must admit.  Roll on next week.  But any time you want some advice, give me a shout, I'd love to help.


Missyb - how you doing hun?

Lainey-lou - So sorry to hear about your car.  It's just so flipping typical!  I'm really sorry mate. It never rains but it pours.

Hi to everyone else (names to numerous to mention these days!).

Not going to post much about me as feeling pretty miserable (AF due in two days - always get like this, flipping hormones).  Didn't sell much at NCT sale, so everything is sitting in my garage staring at me.  Why is it, that no matter what I try to do I meet with so much resistance.  It leaves me feeling like I can't DO anything anymore, cos if I do it will go wrong.  So I'm left doing nothing and just existing.  It's not fun.  Still Easter Hols in one week (hurrah) and some time with my ds.  I can't wait.

Anyway, sorry I'm such a misery at the mo.  I will try to buck my ideas up I promise!

Love to you all and thanks for listening to my moans!

Lots of love

Pand


----------



## missyb

hey ladies!


just a quickie from me tonight as im soooo tired... went to work AND they gym which makes a change... im now however paying for it as im pooped! 

hi cinders!!! im sooooooooooooooo excited for you! i definatley think that positive attitude of yours has worked wonders and i just know this is going to be the mth for you hun   

hi pand... aw hun. i know you are in a bad place at the moment. you've had so many knocks hun that it's hardly suprising that you feel f**** off! it will turn around for you hun. dont be too hard on yourself chick. like your dh said a while back you are stronger than you think   

hi lainey-lou how are you doing hun? i do worry about you sweetness.

hi lainey2... are you feeling any better?

hi susie.. you are such a busy bee! wish you were popping down to this neck of the woods hun as it would be fab to meet up! fingers crossed with your results and appts...  

hi nanook,jobo,bubs,tuck & faithful!

im soooo struggling to keep up with everyone... love you all though xx


amanda xx


----------



## bubblicous

missy - how are you sweetie you on your 2ww yet im so excited for ya fingers crossed the old clomid has worked

pand - your allowed to moan we all are were going through one of the most difficult times in our life sorry the sale didnt go well and your not feeling great what do you have planned for the holidays anything nice

cinders - hope all is well xxxxx

ffh - what sort of things do you fancy doing id love to own a wedding dress shop   my idea of heaven all the gorg brides to be all excited etc i make wedding /anniversary / christening guest books photo albums etc run my own wee internet buisness its fun though i had stopped for 6 months there as we moved and it was to much to do it all but m starting back now its good fun hope you get on well

lainey - hope you feel better soon babes

suzy - glad oyour back and things sound promising fingers crossed for ya xx


everyone else sorry if i missed you im off to make wedding invites now fun eh 

speak soon xx


----------



## wouldbegreat

Hi girls  

Cinders it all sounds very exciting sending lots of      

Pand  missyb and bubbs and other girlie's i forgot thanks for kind words '

I am still feeling as bad went to doctors yesterday they said i have had a virus thats damaged my stomach lining .I have anti acid tablets that should heal it .But i feel no better whatsoever feel constantly sick the anti-sickness drugs don't work at all .Im still in bed good job i have a laptop lol.
                                                     wouldbegreat


----------



## nanook

Cinders good luck babe Im keepin em crossed but it all sounds good ye

Hi to evryone else 

xx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Lainey - you poor thing it sounds like an awful bug you've got. Hope you start to feel better soon.

I've got dd at home today, she was up in the night with a temperature and headache etc.  THen whilst I was sorting her out I started to feel really ill, and pretty much passed out on bathroom floor!  So we''ve both been watching tv for most of the day inbetween sleeping! I'm feeling better now but feeling uninspired to do any jobs around the house which have acumulated!


bubbs - I'm not really sure what I want to do.  I need it to be flexible to fit in with picking up dd from school etc. Thought about tumble tots or something like that.  But I'm not sure whether that would be a good idea, re seeing pregnant bellies all the time!!! 

Cinders - let us know what happens...

Missyb - Hi, hope you got a good nights sleep and aren't so tired now.


Faithful x


----------



## jobo5572

Faithful - at my son's nursery they have a mini-version of Tumbletots called Leaps & Bounds, especially designed by Tumbletots for nurseries etc.- it's a half hour thing once a week at different nurseries. Perhaps you could do that - it would avoid the PG bellies and would fit in well with school hours etc.  

Lainey2 - hope you're feeling better soon  .  You've had a rough time of it haven't you ?

Cinders - fantastic news !   Everything crossed for you   

Pand - hope you're feeling better and are not so down. Bloomin' hormones  .  I'm feeling very PMT at the mo, even tho' AF not due for another week yet - am kind of feeling that it's going to be another BFN this month as I feel so dreadful already and very teary - bloomin' PMT !

Bubbs - hope you're OK and the Clomid isn't giving you too many SE's.

Suszy - good luck with your results on the 7th and enjoy your trip away.

Everyone else - sorry for lack of personals but I'm at work and people keep being nosey and looking at my screen !   and   to all.


----------



## missyb

eveing ladies!!! how are we all?

i feel like im always so tired! next week me & dp have a week off together and we cant wait! so hopefully i wont be so tired.


hi faithful... are you ok hun? whatever it is you had sounds horrible. hope dh is looking after you!  

hi lainey2.. aw hun another person who gets a   from me. hope you feel better soon.

hey bubs! how are you hun? ready for round 2? im ok though i do have a confession to make   i couldnt resist the urge to do a hpt even though it is way too early! i hope the clomid does work as i hate the thought of 6mths work of amanda crazy!!

hi cinders! how are you sweets... prepared for saturday?    

hi pand how are you feeling?

hi susie how are you sweety?

hey nanook... how are you?

hi lainey-lou... did you get the car sorted?

hi to gabs,kateag,ec,honeyprincess,gayn, and anyone else ive missed but not forgotten!


amanda xx


----------



## bubblicous

hey missy hunni - im no to bad just took tablet no 4 of this cycle ive been not to bad withthe old se this time just weepy and grumpy i took delivery today of 4 pregnancy tests i bought online im so naughty too so i have 2 cb digital and 2 norm cb ready for the end off the next 2ww were just gearing up for the whole bms thing next week how lomg till u test 


jobo - nosy buggers tell them to go away tut tut to them bet you dont nosey them hope you are well xx

ffh - know what you mean our easter holidays arent till next month and my mil is coming to stay for the 1st week of them so im doing overtime as if i spend to long with her my head will blow up hopefully i will get some nice things in with the kids the following week 

lainey - glad your feeling better 

nanook - hows things with u xx


----------



## tuck

Hi Guys 

Hpe everyone well.

cinders looking good for transfer    be thinking of you.

mssyb those hpts just keep calling don't they but i wouldn't trust it as you say way too early  

Lainy2 sounds like a nasty virus, hope you feel stronger soon.

Hello and   to everyone else.

Just had to come on tonight because i feel i am going mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you know a couple of weeks ago i had 3 'mummy' friends announce they were 4 months preg with no. 2.  Well since then i have had 5 more people let me know that they are pregnant too.  My friend who I rarely speak to, phoned tonight and I had to text her  back with an excuse as to why i couldn't speak as I was convinced she was gonna tell me she is pregnant with no. 3.  I have got 3 friends in a 'non mummy' group I've known for a while, all my age and all just got married in last few months/years, one has a 6 month old and the others are newly pregnant with no. 1 so that is all they talk about.  I'm feeling ridiculous, I feel I can't cope with all these new pregnancies and tiny babies ironically funnily enough the first timers hurt so much too cos it reminds me of how happy and innocent i was back then and how even if i do get pg again it will never be like that ever again.  (which i know no. 2 wouldn't be anyway)I feel i want to withdraw from everyone and that is so not me, i've always been popular, friendly, I just hate what this is doing to me.    What should i do - so far I make out to everyone i'm coping just fine.  Do you think i should tell the first timers that i can't be around them for now and if so how, what to say?, i keep getting texts asking me to meet up.  The mummy friends pregnant with no. 2 I have seen and I was a bit upset but on the whole it was ok in small doses so was proud of myself there but there is only so much i can take.   in the last 2 weeks there have been 8 announcements and they are all due in Aug/Sept.

I feel quite embarassed to be feeling like this, I feel everyone is out to hurt me and every new announcement feel like a body blow - how pathetic, I need a good slapping, what is wrong with me??

Sorry for the vent it is ridiculous some people are dealing with real problems but I need some advice really particulary on how to deal with the 3 first timers.  Wish i wasn't at the age where everyone is just starting out with their families but had finished them.  

Sorry to self obsess.
Tuckx


----------



## bubblicous

tuck -    OMG thats alot to handle i cant blame you for being upset i dont think id be able to leave the house i mean i got 3 in a week and i was in bed for a whole day crying 
theres nothing wrong with you its normal and you dont need a slapping at all babes you have every right to feel the way you do 

fingers crossed it gets a bit better for you hunni i really hope it does


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## faithfullyhoping

Tuck - You poor thing. I know what you mean, it hurts like crazy doesn't it?  My friend had her first baby a week last sunday, I was her bridesmaid and I haven't even rung her yet. How bad is that.  I'm plucking up courage, to go and see her next week, her DH will be back at work by then so at least I'll only have one doting parent to cope with!!!
I guess you need to decide whether the first timers are very good friends or not, do you mind if they become more distant to you?  If not then just stay out of their way for a bit until you've got used to the idea.  Do they know that you're trying for number 2? If not then maybe you could mention it and they might possibly be a bit more tactful with you.

It's so hard and there aren't any easy answers.  Hope you feel better soon.

Faithful x


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## cinders35

Oh Tuck,

It sounds so familiar! The relationships board is fantastic for sorting through this kind of stuff, I have used it a few times for friendship issues. 
If you are like me you feel that under normal circumstances you are a nice person, happy, popular amongst your friends. Then IF hits you, and from some deep dark corner of your soul, that you didn't even know existed, an ugly green eyed monstor rears its ugly head and you find yourself feeling all sorts of bitter, jealous, twisted emotions. You convince yourself you must be a horrible person to feel these things so strongly. But you are not.
If you think about it logically, other people getting pregnant is no way going to effect your chances of another pregnancy. Which I think is how a lot of men see it. But I'm afraid logic doesn't come into it. No matter how much you hate it, each and every announcement is like someone twisting a knife through your heart, and for you my poor love, 8 annoncements is just not funny!! Is someone taking the p*ss?? There is no wonder why you are struggling sweetheart, so do NOT be hard on yourself at all!!!

My advice would be to ask them all which seat they sit in, maybe it's a fertile chair??

Also what water they are drinking??!!  

I'm not sure what you should do re your friends, because I don't know the relationships you have with them. Maybe you should post some more details about your relationships, so that we can make a more educated guess at what you should do!!! 

Basically hun, give yourself a break. Anyone of us on here would be in bits had we gone through what you have with all those announcements, and I know then you feel guilty, as there are people with 'real' problems, but this is your 'real' problem, and it is 'real' pain that you are feeling.
My heart goes out to you.
Post some more so we can try and help  

Love and    

Cindersxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi girls,

I wasn't going to post tonight as I am the world's most miserable c*w at the mo, I just don't know how my dh is putting up with me!

But when I read your post Tuck, I just thought, "Oh my god, someone who is feeling exactly the same as me!"  I'm slowly approaching my due date for the baby I lost in September (4th April EDD).  I had to sit opposite my son's teacher who is due a few days after, and had to donate to the girl at work's maternity present and write in her card who is due the day after I was the other day.  Then this weekend my bil and sil are coming up with the baby I prayed for and bargained my fertility for and on Sunday I'm supposed to be seeing my best mate who started trying for no 2 at the same time as me and now has a 7 month old.  I just feel so deeply unhappy. I can't bear the thought of seeing my nephew or my best mate's baby and having to sit there cooing and saying how wonderful they are.  I just feel so bitter and jealous and I hate myself for feeling like it.  All of them deserve what they have and more besides but I hate them all for being so happy and living such contented lives when mine is so desperately painful and full of misery.  

So when you say you have had to cope with 8 flipping announcements I just want to cry for you.  I'm not surprised you want to withdraw.  It's just too much to cope with.  Do your friends really know what you are going through?  Have you talked about how deeply it affects you?  And this IS  a REAL problem!  Research has shown that women suffering with IF suffer similar levels of depression as those diagnosed with serious illnesses.  Yes we're not dying, but we're being denied the most life assuring miracle whilst others around us are being given it so freely.  How cruel is that?  I'm pretty damn sure that none of them would cope with it as well as you are.  I think self preservation has to come in to play here.  If it's too much to see them, don't see them.  If they want to know why either tell them the truth or make an excuse.  If they are true friends they will understand and will stand by you. If they are not they are not worth you putting yourself through the heartache of having to see them.  

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time.  It's a long and painful road this one.

Lots of love

Pand


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## jobo5572

Tuck - I feel for you I really do.   I can't advise you on what to do about your friends as I don't know much about your relationship with them etc. It's so hard isn't it ? I think we're all woth you on this one so keep posting - we're here for you 

Pand - sorry to hear about the teacher that's due around when you would've been   . I can't begin to understand what it must feel like for you. And I fully sympathise with the maternity card - I had a "new baby" card thrust in my face the other day at work for a girl who's had _*2 * _ babies in the time I've been ttc (ok, so she was already PG with the 1st but she still hasn't wasted any time !). I couldn't bring myself to write in it - how horrible am I ?

As for "friends" - I haven't got a single friend who has been through what I have and I'm so glad I found this website. In the time I've been ttc I can think of at least 4 so-called "friends" that I no longer see or want to have anything to do with. 2 of them actually came out with extremely insensitive and hurtful comments knowing full well my situation - things like "worse things have happened at sea", "what are you moaning about - you have one child already - can't you just be grateful for what you've got", 1 told me she'd rather spend time with her other friends as they weren't "as miserable as me" and 1 has just been so unsupportive and couldn't give a stuff and would rather harp on about how dreadfully tired she is looking after 2 kids and said things like "at least you only have one child to deal with" !! I have to say, after the events I was initially gutted, but when I'm having good days I can see that they really weren't true friends at all and I'm better off without people like that. I still find it extremely hard to be around other friends that have 2/3 kids coneived on the time I've been trying, but they "try" to be sympathetic towards me and I really appreciate that. Bless them - they don't know what to say or do to make things better, but they do try. It's the same as anything I suppose - you don't know what to do unless you've been there yourself - but I'd like to think I could at least try to be sympathetic to someone even if I didn't know first hand what they were going through and I'd be sensitive to their situation. I appreciate that I've probably been a right miserable wench to be around for the past couple of years, but I think I've had every right to be. I'm also aware that I probably try to over-compensate for my poor DS being on his own at home and having no-one to play with - when I'm feeling rational I know that there are loads of people in the world that are "only children" and they're absolutely fine - but I can't help feeling that my son must be lonely on his own and may be wondering why all his little friends have brothers/sisters, when all I want to do is provide a sibling for him. One "friend" a couple of weeks ago made some comment about why did I always feel the need to meet up with people at the weekend - wasn't I content with just spending time with my DS alone (DH works shifts and most weekends) as she was perfectly happy spending time at home with her boy*s* (note - plural) - I tried to explain that of course I love to spend time with DS at weekends (and any time for that matter) but that I like him to see at least 1 friend at the weekend as he has no-one to play with except me (poor kid !). That, teamed with other sarcastic comments, makes me think she'll soon be "ex-friend" no. 5 ! I sometimes think it's just me...I've pi**ed all these people off, but then I think back to what's been said/done, and I really don't think so. Do you ?

Sorry ladies, this turned into a bit of a moan...oh crikey, you'll all be deserting me next 

Lots of   to everyone, and have a lovely weekend.


----------



## reetpetite

hello, can i come back please? ive been hibernating, not felt too good and didnt want to bring everyone else down with me!


----------



## whippet

lovely to see you back reetpetite here for you honey whats happening ith you   

Whippet x


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## reetpetite

not a lot tbh. dh and i did decide NOT to ttc anymore, but thats failed miserabley and we are back on that camel! back up to LWH soon for another chat after the last mc and trying to decidxe whether to go for the NK cells test.

how are you?


----------



## dizzyloo

Hi ladies, just wanted to drop in and catch up with you all, I know it's been a while so forgive me if I don't know some of you.
Cinders really thinking of you and the ET, grade 1 sounds fantastic well done. mine was only grade 2 and it still took.
Suzy, haven't had time to completely catch up on your story but hope all is going well, you are one of the kindest most supportive people I have ever come across and I just hope good things come your way.
Missy B - hope the clomid is going well, I know loads of people who have got pg using it so here's hoping for you. Hopefully it will work and then you can avoid aall the poking and prodding we've had to endure. Just seen your piccie with your Dh, honey BMS can't be that much of a chore you lucky girl.
Lots of love to all the others that were with me on my journey, Lainey and lainey lou, pand, nanook and of course lots of love to everyone else.

We had an enormous shock a few weeks ago when we went for 22 week scan. We thought we were expecting identical twins owing to the fact we had only had one frozen embryo transferred. It turns out we have non-identical i.e boy girl twins, which means I conceived naturally at the same time as the frostie went back! Apparently there are only 2 other documented cases of this happenning so am officially a medical marvel! Have to say I did go throught the whole thing of getting the hospital to check they were ours that went back and how many which is a very unsettling feeling.

I don't want anyone to think I'm rubbing there noses in it. I read all the comments about people's pregnancy announcements and I will never forget how horrible that feels, but please remember when things look really bleak that MIRACLES DO HAPPEN!!

lots and lots of love and babydust
Dizzy


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## missyb

hi ladies!!

i have the house to myself... the dd's are with their dad ( the s h**) and dp is at work... so i have some guilt free ff time!!

im so sorry tuck that you are having a pants time.. i have to admit as bad as it sounds i would do a big avoid... i just dont think i could face that many ppl with their pg announcements, baby bellies and constant baby chat. i already feel useless most of the time and that would just push me over the edge.   from me hun. you deal with it in the best way for you. the way that causes the least amount of pain.

hi cinders... got your text and hun im sooooo made up for you PUPO lady!!! when is test date?? 

hi pand i know what you are going thru.. when i had my first mc i was due at the same time as 2 of my best friends.. they went on to have their babies and i just couldnt go near them... i felt so bad but i couldnt. it must be soooo much harder working with that person because you cant avoid them. i was interested in the research you mentioned about depression and if.. i can well believe it.  i hope that you are as well as can be expected and you know we are here no matter what.

hi susie... how are you doing hun? thinking of you.

hi reetpetite & whippet... fab to hear from you both

dizzyloo!!! omg hun how wicked to hear from you!! you truly are a medical miracle!! that is amazing hun. how are you keeping? it was so lovely to hear from you and i think that i needed a boost as at times i think i should just get a cat (interesting as im allergic!) and be done with it!!!

hi bubs... how are you doing hun? glad that the se's arent too bad this time..yes you are a naughty girl with all those hpt's!! a woman after my own heart! i have 2 upstairs and i know it's way too early but i soooo want to test!!  im not sure when to test as my cycle was quite short last mth at 24 days and i didnt do an opk this mth as we were having the tracking scan.. so the short answer is im not sure!!! (any ideas?)

hi jobo... your friends do sound v insensitive and its def them and NOT you... i remember reading this article about friendships and it mentions lillies and leeches (stick with me on this one) lillies are friends who enhance your life and leeches are the ones that suck all of the goodness out of you.. so i say down with the leeches hun!!!

hi faithful... how are you sweety?


hi to all ive not mentioned!


hope you all have a nice weekend.


amanda xx


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## Mrs Chaos

Hi ladies
Sorry I've not been in for a bit, had some net probs and catching up on things, plus had a few hiccups at home. Basically my ex's dad wants my ds to meet my ex's dd (his half sis) and I'm struggling with it a bit. Ds hasn't had any contact with my ex since he was 2 and a half, and hasn't really had a relationship with his grandad for the past 8 yrs, apart from the obligatory birthday/Christmas card, but ds is 16 yrs end of the month and I had a letter out of the blue asking if my ds would like to meet up with his grandad and his half sis 
I know this isn't about me, and my feelings, but it's caught me off balance and I've been wallowing a bit as it's stirred up past feelings about me being unable to have given my son the sibling he desperately wanted and mainly about how I still want to chop my ex's b&lls off!  and how this will affect my ds. He's smack in the middle of revision for his final GCSEs in a few weeks time and I'm worried how this will affect him.
Ds says he'd like to meet her, which of course is fine with me and my dh, as we always said we'd support him in this, and even if/when he wanted to meet his father...but it's still a shock all the same.

Right enough of me  

Sending huge  to those of you who are having a poop time at the moment.
Dizzyloo!  marvellous news!  Miracles can happen! 

Lotsa love to all
Gayn
XX


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## lyndalou

Hi Ladies

Sorry not been around. Have been on a course for work [so boring sitting in a classroom]
Just wanted to wish CINDERS all the luck in the world for test date  

Going Orbing tommorow  this will be me rolling down the hill in a big rubber ball 

Suzie Book was a good read but didnt really say anything I didnt already know. When do you start your FET hon?

Pand  A friend of mine is due the same month that I would have been if tx had worked. It is a hard time
for you hon 

Wont do any more personals as DS wants to get on computer.

Love and fairydust to every one of you lovely ladies xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## tuck

Hello girls

Sorry not got on sooner .  I just wanted to say thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all your lovely messages and advice, it means such a lot it really does from people who understand, it makes me realise i'm not alone or going mad but so very sad for all of us......I think i had a bit of a meltdown yesterday and felt very dark ( worried me) but starting to see a bit more clearly now and gonna look after myself in all this.

The first timer mummys I'm going to send a message to along the lines of thanks for inviting me to the get togethers etc but that I am finding all the baby announcements etc particularly hard at the moment and feel that i need some space and time away from things until stuff is easier.  Not worried if i never see them again if they can't understand how hard this is for me.

The second time arounders I'm going to try and continue to see (for DS sake) one on one or in small doses of no more than 2 bumps at a time.  I don't have to explain myself there because hopefully they will understand.

Dizzyloo, fantastic news and amazing about the twins - how special they are  

Cinders I'm hoping everything goes smoothly for the ET  and good luck to everyone else going through treatment or ttc naturally 

reetpetite and whippet good to see you back.

just thanks again 

Tuckxx


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## SUSZY

Hi girls
I feel like I have come home when I come on here, Tuck, Jobo, Pand, Missby, Cinders - I think (as well as everyone else) we could all be writing the same things about friendships etc and i so so so feel for you, before I launch off I will do a few personals!!!!

Cinders     - Hi PUPO lady             Have everything crossed for you and we are all rooting for you, we so need a BFP on here!!!!

Dizzy -    so lovely to hear from you and thank you for your lovely comment (sometimes I forget I am that person because as all the others have said sometimes you become a diff person with this whole IF thing) I just cannot believe your news and went in excitedly to tell dh and all he said was so its worth trying as well then !!!  I said you actually dont touch me and what I need is affection (another story another rant) but how amazing and no wonder you are a medical marvel although I can imagine all the intruision is perhaps not what you want but well done girl!

Pand -    so sorry that you are feeling so down darling and really sorry you did not sell so much at the sale, is there a save the family chairty or womens refuge you could give the stuff to as I think that is what I am going to do.  I am on my af now and its not much fun although not as bad as I thought, I think while I know I have the frosties to use I feel ok although think we have pretty much decided we cannot go through it all again (more about that later)

Missby    - your photo looks lovely, good luck with the 2ww and the clommid, I will come down to see you one day, I do have a few friends in the London area and may well be driving through some of it on the way to Peterbrough from bournemouth if my cousin is not away, i will look up your post code and see how close we pass.  if not perhaps in the whit hols I will head down, my god daughter lives near Frimley.

Davis -    how are you??

emily caitlin -     how are you??

Lyndlou -    nice to hear from you, thinking of you,

lawsy -     hope you are ok.

angel83 -     there are loads on here now isnt there and its so hard to keep up

Tuck      as ever your post struck a cord with me too and I have lots and lots of stories to tell about that, and it has meant that I am the person I am today and I dont always like what I am these days.  I used to be very popular, in the middle of every group, be the organiser and now I feel like an outsider to lots of things and feel like I am on the edge of so much. Everyone else talks about and goes to all the groups I used to go to and I dont go to anymore as I have not child to take.  I think you really hit a note with me when you say looking back at the innocent photos of when they were born, the fact we did not have clue as to what was ahead of us - we recently watched some footage when I was weeks over due and when he was born (and in an incubator -he was 10 3 but due to the puss in my womb he apdgar score was low so he got taken off me) I just sat there streaming tears and sobbing and my ds had to get me tissues and I could not explain it, was I happy to see how innocent and happy and excited we were (except for the bit when he was in the incubator) and or the fact we might never go back there again its soo hard.  see my message below to jobo I dont know what to say about breaking contact with some because that is what has happened just by natural course of different schools etc and now I wish I had not endured so many painful nights out but I did.  I think if you can pick a few who are at least a little bit nice towards your situation.  I know its horrible but I keep thinking they will know a little bit of how it feels when their second ones go to school and they will have that horrible gabing hole and pain in their chest and I wont be there to help them - that is how selfish I have become - I would do anything for any of you girls on here but to the ones who have hurt me and in my mind neglected me when I needed it the most then I dont feel I should be my nice self to them this is how I feel - how terrible is that.

Jobo       see my comments above.  I only know one person from all my groups that is in the same position of me - she has had an eptopic and one failed IVF/
I had several baby groups one with 16 people in (out of that 3 have not gone on to have more children but two were because they were their seconds anyway and the other one is mentioned above - out of them only one other has had a m/c - she has always had fertility issues and is now on baby no 3) we only see about six of these regularly now.
another group of only 6 people some of who overlap and I now hardly see even though one goes to school, again no m/c and all easy conceptions
another group was 8 people these starting getting preg with their seconds really early as in when our first were only a year old - all of these have had two or three kids and only two of them had m/c and caught really easy
NCT day group as I call them this is all the people I would go to lots of events and have probably seen about another 25 or more have babies.
The worst time was probably four years ago having had two m/c within six months of each other and having to endure the endless convos about how peoples pregnancies were progressing/breast feeding etc and not just for one group but for all the groups and all different times.  I kept going to the events for ds sake and the meals out for mine, it was worse when I was on clommid as that really does your head in.  I look back now and realise perhaps I should not have gone to so much but I did and there is nothing I can do about it now but it means I dont have much resistance or fight left.  hence it effected me so badly when that girl emailed me about her third m/c. i dont want people to have gone through what we have been through as we all know its horrible but I would have liked more sympathy and consideration from people as that is how i would have been towards them.  I think when Ds went to school was probably my lowest times but I have slowly built myself back up and it had done me no end of good getting out and about and away from the baby activities.  Its so hard and I wish there were an easy answer.  In addition there were a couple of girls who wanted a long break say four years and although she is a good friend she  thought it was terrible when it took her six months to conceive and here I have been plodding along and doing so much in my power to rectify the situ and a lot of them dont know about me using an egg donor.

sarylou -    how are you and how are your wedding plans>>

Gab -    you have gone a bit quiet, how are you honey and what are you up to??

honeyprincess -     hope you are ok and come back soon.  Thinking of you.

Mrs Chaos-     so sorry to hear about all your family troubles and hope you manage to sort it and that it does not interfere with his studying.  Good luck and we are here for you.

FFH -     your own business, it all sounds exciting - what franchises are you looking into it.  I would love to do something just dont know what, good luck and keep us posted.

whippet -     lovely to hear from you - how are you sweetheart

reet -    lovely to hear from you too - how are you doing/ thinking of you darling, I had my NK cell test done and it was really good and I am looking forward to getting the results around 7th april.

nanook -     how are you sweetheart, what have you been up to?

lainey lou -    how is the car sweetheart? how is the cruising going?

Lainey 2 -    sorry you are not feeling too good and hope you feel better soon.

I hope I have remembered everyone! I am going to be away from next Friday til 6th April so might not be on here that much.
I have to nip out to a reiki thing now and still have loads to say!! so may come on later.
still having terrible problems trying to get dh to read and write!
still having a bit of escapism which to be honest if I did not have would be going under now.
have also realised that my marriage is not what it should be, i feel we have grown apart rather than closer together, its been a hard few months of hiim doing lots of stuff and its only the last two weekends that we have actually done stuff together but i get so used to doing it alone that i start to wonder.  i think the two lots of counselling and various convos with people and thinking a lot about the past and the tx that I have gone through have all really caught up with me.  i think the weeks away esp the 2nd one in the mountains is going to do me no end of good.
at least everything is getting in motion for the FET in May and we go to sign the forms on 25th april
Anyway girls sorry for the brain dump just wanted you to know where I was up to, I am ok and I will be ok, its just there is a hell of a lot going on in my little head at the moment and its not all baby stuff.  Its so nice to come on here and know that we are all going through the same stuff but you know its also being lovely going out there into a different non baby centred world as well.  i am trying to focus on the good things of not having a second at the mo and as much as i want this tx to work sometimes as ever think we protect oursleves without realising.
We have pretty much decided we will not be going ahead with any more tx due to the money and for me the toll on our marriage which has already taken place.
sorry thats all a bit heavy
love you all
Susie


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!

what a grotty weekend weather wise!

i have been taxi-ing my dad about today and have a serious frizzy hair issue! my car is also playing me up so no doubt i will be much lighter in the pocket!!!

hi gayn.. im so sorry that things are so complicated at home. life is never straight forward. what brought all of this on with ex h? why now? what does ds think? you have my mobi if you need to chat hun  .

hi susie... fab to hear from you hun... i know you have alot going on hun and that baby stuff is just only a part of it. you know where i am if you need to/want to talk. sometimes it's nice to get it down on here so that you know whats what. i hope you have a wonderful time away and that it gives you and dh time together. i think it will do you the world of good 2. love you lots hun..

hi tuck... think that what you have decided makes sense and hope that people take things in the spirit thats it's meant. 

hi lyndalou... good to hear from you hun.


well girls i can honestly say that the 2ww is driving me and my body   i have had some pink spotting and feel like af is on her way... it's only cd23!! i feel so useless. my body has a mind of it's own and babies doesnt seem to feature in it. i just want to   and have a huge tantrum!!! 

sorry for the moan!


amanda xx


----------



## wouldbegreat

Hi all 

Your be pleased to know i am so much  better i was in bed till friday .We have been out and about this weekend and it has been great .We have been ttc and lots too well i have been in the perfect place most of the time ( bed )lol so fingers crossed thier  

Great to see some  names back on the thread .

 to all you wonderfull peaple 

                                                           wbg


----------



## *Lollipop*

Hi just wanted to wish all you ladies well.   ..yes Im still here getting geared up for Jinemed  
anyway Love and luck to you all...


----------



## missyb

hi lainey2!! glad you are feeling better and that the BMS is going well    

hi gabs... good to see you back hun! good luck for jinmed  


amanda xx


----------



## SUSZY

Gab nice to hear from you and so good luck for next month at Jinemed

missby - sorry about the spotting, its a pain in the bum isn't it. thanks I know you are there honey and its nice to know.  I am sure it will all work out well and its all just food for thought - dont really want to put too much on here!

Lainey 2 - glad you are feeling better

love to everyone else
sorry if I went on before, feel better now, have just been a guinea pig for someone doing their reiki training and hope its given me the kick up the  bum I need to get going with mine to get my certificate.
take care
love
susie


----------



## bubblicous

evening ladies 

well its been abusy weekend was abby sitting yesterday so had my nephew all day so we got to practise what it would be liiike going out shopping with 3 kids and im happy to say we coped and it wasnt as bad as i thought the girls figthed over pushing the pram but apart from that it was fine

my bessie friend is now over a week overdue god love her and is desperate to meet her bubs but i think her bubs is a bit to comfy where it is   i bought the last of the pressies yesterday i have officaly spent a small fortune on her and still intend to buy balloons and clothes once we know the sex

today i was working all day i slept in for work great eh i ws an hour late but they rest of the day wasnt to bad
had some hot flushes and dizzy spells and apart from the few odd cramps ive been fine 


ok time for personals

missy - i think id test at cd 28 espec if af hasnt appeared as you said last cycle was a short one fingers crossed for ya hunni - loving the photo too

lainey 2 - hey babes glad your feeling better and fingers crossed for you 

susie -     

tuck - glad youve decided how to handle the whole situation if your friends are true friends they will totally understand and if they dont then perhaps they are not worth the stress maybe its a bit harsh but its when things like this are happening to us we see who really care for us 

mrs chaos - thats a bit of a bolt out the blue eh my 2 dd dont see there sperm donor (what we call him) they dont even get a bday card or xmas one for the past 8 months he and his family have had nothing to do with them his choice not ours though we dont care much as at the end of the day dh is there daddy (sorry rambled a bit there) have you decided what your going to do yet 


well everyone im off for a nice evening enfront of the tv with my gorg dh


----------



## Pand

First of all, an apology.  Sorry this is going to be a totally selfish me post.  I know we are all going through such a hard time at the moment, but I just don't know where else to turn.

AF came Friday.  Been feeling lousy all week, but put it down to hormones.  But here I am two days later (when I normally feel better) and I just can't stop crying.  DH has been at work all weekend (murder in Birmingham!) and DS and I have been on our own.  Had to go and see my nephew yesterday and best mate came round with her 7 month old today.

I just feel so desperately unhappy.  I don't know what to do with myself.  I'm just sitting by myself crying.  I feel so utterly low and can't seem to pick myself up out of this hole.  The future just looks so bleak and I feel so alone.  I want the hurt to go away but it seems set to stay.  I've changed so much. I used to be such a happy person, contented with my lot in life.  How have I come to this?  How long is this going to last?  Why can't I be happy with what I've got?  Will I always feel this unhappy?  What't the point if I do?  Little ds was asking about babies again yesterday.  I'm just so sad.

Sorry once again for such a selfish post, but that's what IF has turned me into.  A self absorbed, selfish, self pitying disaster area.  Not an inspiration at all, just stupid and useless. 

Sorry guys.

Pand


----------



## missyb

hi pand... i just dont know what to say.. i read your post and im sat here with tears in my eyes.. dp read your post and he said awww. i feel for you so much hun. i just want to give you a hug and tell you something that will make the pain and hurt go away.. and i cant.. life just has a way of kicking us when we are down. the hormone circus doesnt help either.. af is just a reminder of what could be and seeing someone with a young baby makes you want to scream 'when is it going to be my turn!' you are a good person and a fantastic mother, you work hard and it just isnt fair. you arent selfish and you have every right to ask the questions you have.i just wish i had the answers for you. i dont have your mobi otherwise id be phoning you and probably in my hormonal state crying with you and making you feel worse!

you know where i am if you need me.


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Hi guys,

Pand you are not selfish hunny. I'm so sorry you feel so [email protected] I don't have all the answers, but I know that if this doesn't work out for us, we will be scarred by this IF. Hopefully the scar that feels red raw at the moment will fade.
I don't honestly know how you've kept going after your bfn, you've had no time off work to come to terms with it, to give yourself time to heal. You've just kept going and I wonder if this is part of the reason why you are feeling so pants. Obviously af time is difficult, and you've had a tough weekend. But there is a whole grieving process that we need to go through, and while you've managed to hold it together on the outside (mostly  ) You haven't been able to go through this process properley. Even when you got your bfn you had to put a brave face on because you were on holiday. Then you were more or less back to full time work, you've had no 'Pand time,' no TLC time. Maybe a visit to the GP and some sick time is in order, I know Easter hols coming up, but you may even need some time after that. You've been so brave Pand, s0d them at work, YOU and your sanity are more important.
Please don't be hard on yourself, I'm not surprised you feel like you do. Realistically nothing other than a baby will really make you feel better, but until then hun, we have to look after you    

Love to EVERYONE!

Cindersxxx


----------



## jobo5572

Pand - sorry this will be a quickie as I need an early night as early start tomorrow......I just had to respond to your post as it moved me so much .  It's not the 1st time today I've been in tears over this dreadful situation we find ourselves in.  Probably over-exaggerating here but it felt like every woman I saw in Tesco earlier was PG and it was really getting me down.  Also, DS has been asking why he hasn't got a brother or sister like all his friends have and I just feel dreadful that I can't provide him with one.  I'm so sorry Pand but I'm not sure what to say to make you feel any better either and I feel crap for that.  I just want you to know that I am/we're all here for you, and as you're local to me if you'd like to meet up or just chat on the phone or something then do let me know.  I know I'm not a barrel of laughs at the moment but I'm sure it must help to let it all out and share your feelings with someone who understands where you're coming from.  I'm not sure whether there's any counselling out there or anything that would help as I know I haven't bothered to pursue that route myself - the ruddy GP just wants to put me on antidepressants but I think that just masks the problem that's already there and I was on the ruddy things for long enough when I had PND.  Having said that I can't see any other way out and I completely agree with all the things you've been asking yourself about feeling so low, will you always be unhappy etc.  I am certainly not the same person I was before all this IF stuff and as per my previous post, have started to lose "friends" through it as well, just to make life even more unbearable - I still keep asking myself if it was my fault.  This is not supposed to be sounding like a me post - it's just I completely understand where you're coming from and didn't know if that would help at all, even if just a little bit ?  

Lots of love to you       .  You're not on your own.  Please let us know how you are.

Everyone else...sorry no personals tonight....will catch up soon.


----------



## bubblicous

pand - please dont think your being selfish you are not we are only human and were going through a hard time a time that most people dontt expectt o  be going through as if were honest we never would have thought for a minute that we would have fertility problems would we
i know i didnt espec as i had the girls

i think what cinders says is right you should maybe go see dr and get a wee sickline so you can have sometime to yourself to get your strength together 

and you are most deff not ''A self absorbed, selfish, self pitying disaster area'' you are an amazing person going through a hard time babes and we all feel like this at sometime or another but tomrrow is another day babes and you never know how you will feel and what it will bring

i do think you should try and have sometime to yourself or a wee weekend away from it all with your dh  easier said than done i know

hope you start to feel a bit better soon xxxxxxxxx


----------



## nanook

Hi all

Pand     - dont worry babe I think we are all so up and down all of the time arent we??  we are here for you my lovely however you are feeling  

Suzy - How are you hun?? I pm'd you back feel free to pm me whenever you like babe..

Dizzyloo - WOW!!  that is SO amazing!!  ha ha Im really chuffed for you babe..

Hi to everybody else sorry no more personals but there are SO flippin many of us now arent there!?! lol

Laters


Sarah

xxxx


----------



## tuck

Hello all

Susie, so good to see you back on here.  It sounds as if you have done a lot of thinking and soul searching as I think we all seem to be.  Re. the friends issues, it sounds like both you and jobo had a lot more people to deal with getting pg than me.   you're so right all this baby loss/yearning really effects the way you conduct yourself day to day and then we feel so guilty about that and the whole thing is counter productive and so easy to spiral downwards.   I also don't like the person I've become sometimes and again you looking at pics of when your ds was young, it tears me up and I understand completely.  You can see in my eyes how happy I was, I thanked my lucky stars and never took ds for granted.  My photos changed after my world crashed down feb 07 and after that something is missing in my eyes, and that youth/innocence, happiness is gone.  But on the positive how lucky were we to have that experience with our first borns when some women go through hell b4 even becoming a mum and some don't experience it at all.  Just kissed my ds to bed and he said i love you too much mama, how true that is back x a million.     I sent my email to my 'friend' explaining how i felt yesterday, still no response ......    
How was your reiki?  
I hope that you can get away from stuff a bit and enjoy your skiing hols, sounds fab, where you going?

Pand - you don't need to apologise honey. You have had a weekend of it by the sounds of things and with af aswell - well it just seems to intensify all the emotions and act as that oh so painful reminder.  It also doesn't help when your dh isn't there.  My dh works nights and I have too much time on my own which for me isn't always healthy.  You will feel better again but i think it is healthy to feel these emotions rather than bury them cos they need to be felt and come out though its so damned hard.  Just wish i could wave a wand for us all - I'm sorry your ds asks about babies, i think he is a bit older than mine - is he just 4? but i know the time will come when all these babies come along when he will ask me too.  I can imagine it is hard.  I just wanted to say also thank you for your post in response to my previous post, it had me in tears and it was helpful and understanding not selfish and useless so please don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. 
btw, i work for Suffolk and mostly love my job - it is one place where babies and children just don't feature (which i guess you obviously don't have in teaching)  and that escapism keeps me sane

Cinders I hope all is good with you and you are looking after your embies,   only just worked out what pupo means - all by myself too - took me a while though 

lainy2 - glad your finally feeling better.

missyb - the 2ww - so difficult hope its not driving you 2 mad - i hope the spotting doesn't turn into af honey,   

Hello and   to   to everyone else.

On a lighter note just watched a sky programme on penis envy - very interesting!!! these poor guys with small willies and huge complexes. B4 that watched dancing on ice which was amazing what they have done in just a few months- wow wish i could ice skate.  Anyway must go and help dh wash up oops bit late can hear him muttering and swearing about where the lazy xxx is , he thinks i spend far too much time on here!!!!!!!!!!!!!

take care 

Tuckxx


----------



## angel83

Tuck – I hope your feeling a little better. My Best Friend who I see everyday in pregnant, and I have to say I struggle to keep it together.

Pand – I would have been due on Thursday (20th) too. And as it approaches im feeling more and more emotionally drained.

Mrs Chaos – Hope things go ok. Maybe you should tell them that he can meet up after his GCSE’s and give him a chance to consentrate..

Suszy – Hope you and DH can get some time together, its sad when things get on top of the relationship, because your DS need you both together more than he needs a sibling I think.

Pand – just wanted to give you a hug, hun   



Angel83


----------



## bubblicous

angel - how are you gettin on

today im on top of the world for some reason been cleaning since i took youngest to school dont knoww hats wrong with me i dont normally clean so much

ive got a sore throat and a bit of a bunged up nose so i think im coming in for the cold great

feel very bloated apart from that all is well in my wee world

dh just phoned to say hes taking friday and monday off as holidays so im a happy bannana yay


----------



## loobie75

hiya everyone ,
im at that awful day 25 and although i know AF on its way - all the signs are there lots cm (TMI Sorry!) lower back ache GRRR each morning i wake up praying i feel sick hehehe, im still trying to hope i may be mistaken - silly girl - why do i do it every month, feel sorry for DH sooooooo hard to live with at the moment! 

got to go for bloods tomorrow but don't see point after what was said to me at last appointment - depends what day of week it is as to how optimistic im feeling.  was so hoping tamoxifen would be the miracle cure - don't really feel the hospital have let me give it a chance, surely a break after clomid would have been better than stopping me after one cycle of tamoxifen GRRRR 

was really hoping for a 2008 baby but will now have to hope for a 2009! DS keeps putting toys away to save for when mummys tummy gets better and nearly makes me cry every time! 

Angel83 - hows things with you, aren't you just behind me with your cycle toes xd the tamoxifen works for you i hope so. keep me updated! 

lots of lucky baby dust to everyone, surely it must be our turns soon
lvoe luce XXXXXXXX


----------



## emsylou

Hiya evryone, hope you are all ok? Im not sure if i can post here, would someone mind letting me know if its ok before i ramble on please ? thankyou, lulu xxx


----------



## bubblicous

hey luci-lou

glad to see you joined the thread its such a good wee place to blow off steam 

i sent you a wee pm


----------



## wouldbegreat

bubbs that means he will be home so you can have lots of bms i think i have had enough for the lot of us lol

Pand i am so sorry to hear you are so down .It is so understandable as you have been through alot of knock backs latley.I so hope you come back up soon honey


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls

We've got a loobiieluce and a luci-lou!! I'm going to get so confused!!  Welcome luci-lou come and chat.  Are you new too loobie?  I've kind of lost track a bit!!

Anyway, can't do a long post as keep losing posts, mmust have typed out 4 and lost them all  

Just to say that I've been for baseline scan today for 2nd go at IUI.  Starting injections tomorrow.  I've got to start to be positive like Cinders!!!

Also, got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that one of my friends is prg. She's had a tummy bug that's lasted for a long time!! If she is it'll be her second since we've been trying.  It feels so cruel because she had 2 miscarriages before she had her first and everybody was worried that they wouldn't be able to have oneme included.Now itt seems that she's going to overtake me along with everybody else that I know!  Feel so sad about it, even though I know that it's really selfish.

Faithful x


----------



## emilycaitlin

I know how you feel faithfully hoping, one of my friends had two miscarriages, then had a baby last July, is pregnant again , due in August, when she had her first, I was pleased for her, and everyone said how pleased they were, but now I almost kind of feel that I hope she is a bit guilty, as she said to me that I couldn't possibly feel as bad, because I had dd, when she was trying for her first.


----------



## emsylou

Hi evryone, i need a moan. It feels like evrywhere i look there are baby bumps, i went to the shop thismorning and there was a woman with a top that just about covered her bump, i am so jelous. Im not a nasty person please dont think that i am, i just realy want to have a bump of my own. 
Sorry i think i am just having an over sensitive day today, we will all have one, one day we just have to wait for our turn i suppose.
love 
lulu xxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi lucy-lou, We all have bad days when everywhere we look there are bumps!!  Are you having any treatment? Not sure of your situation?

emilycaitlin - Thanks for that, there's always someone on this thread that's been through the same!  It's rubbish isn't it.  I just don't know what i'm going to say to her if she is and she tells me.  Just have to force a smile I guess.

Faithful x


----------



## emsylou

Hi faithfull
im not having treatment at the moment but we have been ttc our third for two years. I was told that dh has very low sperm count and i didnt release an egg, but i ovulated, was told that ivf is our only chance, but have found out that i might be able to try clomid, am going to ask at next apt. 
Lulu xxx


----------



## missyb

afternoon ladies!

just a quickie from me... im afraid it is a me post so i'll apologise in advance and when im less grumpy i will come back and do a few personals.. before i do thoug i would like to welcome luce & luci-lou.. you have come to a fab place. the girls on here are wonderful and have been a valuable source of comfort,advice,laughter and hope.


ok af the b i t c h decided to show up yesterday at cd24! i was hoping that the clomid would slightly extend my cycle. i had to phone the fertility clinic as they wanted to do a scan as soon as af arrived to see what my cyst was up to. they cant fit me in till thur and so they've told me to give the clomid a miss for the mth!! i just seem to take one step forward and 2 back!!! im totally p***d off!!

sorry girls.. i know it's not a big deal in the scheme of things.


big hugs to all that need them.


amanda xx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

missyb - that's so rubbish, a month feels like an eternity when you're trying to conceive. Hope it goes fast for you.

Lulu - Seems a bit strange that they're sending you straight down the ivf path when you've conceived twice before!  I'd definitely ask about clomid first, if the eggs are there but just not releasing then you can have an injection to make them do that.  I've had that twice in stimulated cycles.  Also have you thought about acupuncture?


Faithful x


----------



## emsylou

I know, evryone that i have told about it have said that they should do more tests and things before they tell me to go for ivf but i think it might be because dh's sperm count was 1million and only 25% of them were swimming properly. I have thought of lots of things i am going to ask them i have to go back next month so i have started writing down my questions already. xxx


----------



## bubblicous

missy - sorry the evil witch showed i had everything crossed for you thats rubbish your not getting to clomid it this month utter pants
fingers crossed the cyst is nothing much babes and you can start the clomid again 

ffh - how are you today

luci-lou  

well my best friend dh phoned me this morning to tell me im an aunty my friend gave birth to a gorg baby girl    this morning was only in labour 6 hours no pain relief or anything
shes called mellisa 
im so so chuffed for them cant wait to go and buy pink stuff my dh is going up tonight to drop off baby box and hopefully i will go up tomorrow to see them both 

as for me im bloated and uncomfortable and    clomid is doing her magic going to start the bms marathon tonight


----------



## missyb

hi faithful... thank you for replying... i feel like im being such a misery at the moment. how did the baseline scan go? are you nervous about the injections? i think being positive is a good idea it seems to be working well for pupo cinders!!   

i must try and be the same. 

hi bubs.. thank you for being indignant on my behalf too... sometimes i just feel so useless... i cant even get this right! how are you sweety? getting ready for round 2?


amanda xx


----------



## bubblicous

hey missy 

im bloated but glad to report my sex drive has come back thank god im cd 9 today i thin maybe 10 see i dont even know so about to start the whole bms decided this time to do the whole bms every 2nite rather than ever nite as wee got sick of it and we think we gave up a day or two early last cycle

im away to get ready for work now


----------



## missyb

glad your ready for bms! have a fab day at work hun xx


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi ladies
Missy  it's pants when that happens isn't it!  So sorry hun, but hopefully this month will whizz by 
hope everyone else is doing ok?
Cinders  
Sorry for being crap at personals, will be back on all cylinders soon 
Sending huge  to all
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## wouldbegreat

missy b im so sorry to hear about the clomid its a bit unfair isn't it just when you were getting into the swing of it .Hope all goes well on thursday and you will be ttc again very soon . Ps by the way you are not useless your great  

bubbs good luck with the bms i might try ov sticks next month as we started at cd6 and i don't think i ovulated till cd20 as i had ov  pain we missed cd18 and cd19 had bms cd20 cd21 so i may of missed it too   

Welcome Luci and Luci-lou and hi too everyone else

                                                      wouldbegreat


----------



## emsylou

thanks lainey, hi evryone


----------



## Pand

First of all I can't thank you all enough for your lovely messages and support.  I know so many of us on here are feelling so low at the moment, and yet you all manage to think about other people and try to be there for them.  You are all lovely, amazing women and I feel privileged to know you all. 

Missyb - thanks for your lovely message.  I'm so sorry the old witch turned up... if only everything was as reliable as she is!  You are not useless hun, but I completely understand why you feel like it.  I have said the same thing about myself so many times but it's not true.  It's not our fault our bodies have failed us so badly.  We haven't asked for any of this, but my god we have courage in buckets full.  How does that make us useless?  It makes us very special people who have been dealt an awful hand of cards by life at the moment.  As for the clomid, it builds up in your system with each cycle so maybe the next one?  Thinking of you and much the same as you, if I had your mobile I would have rung you and blarted down the phone with you too!

Luci-lou - Hi hun.  Welcome to a fantastic (if very sad) thread.  I have been posting here for about 18 months and have made some wonderful friends who have picked me up and dusted me down so many times. They are really lovely ladies and I'm sure they will be here for you too.


Lainey2 - Glad ur better flower!  Good luck with the ov sticks and bms this month! It does get a little wearing doesn't it?!!!

Mrs Chaos - good to hear from you.  How are you doing?  Not firing on all cylinders?  What's going on with you?

Bub - thanks for your lovely message and kind words.  I'm so pleased your sex drive has come back.  I think mine has emigrated!

Ffh - I hope for your sake you're wrong about your friend.  You have been through enough without having to deal with that too.  

Emilycaitlin - how are you doing hun?

Angel83 - Aw hun.  I'm sorry to hear about your little one.  I may not get back online on Thursday, but I will be thinking of you.  It's been on my mind so much recently and I'm sure it's contributing to how I'm feeling generally.  It's a hard time for us and my heart goes out to you.  Are you doing anything to mark the occasion?  I'm seriously considering having a tattoo, daft as that sounds.  Hope it's not too painful for you.

Tuck - thanks for your lovely message.  I get what you mean about the escapism.  I was in Child Protection for the last 3 1/2 years of my service, which would have been the worst place to be at the moment, so I'm eternally grateful I made the decision to change career when I did!  My ds is 5 years old going on 15!  It's scary, he's grown so quickly.  But you're right about them being so precious.  Your message to Suzy sounded so heart rendingly sad.  I don't like who I've become either and it's funny what you say about the light going out of your eyes.  Last year when I was pregnant so many people commented that the sparkle had come back in my eyes!  It's well and truly gone again at the moment and I wonder will I ever get it back?  I really hope so.  I don't want to be such a misery for ever!

Nanook - thanks for your thoughts hun. How you doing?

Jobo - its good to know I'm sailing in a boat with so many lovely friends.  Thanks for your lovely words.  I completely understand everything you said!  I had PND too.  DH suggested I go to the GP the other night, but I'm certain it's nothing like that.  I'm depressed, but I don't have depression and I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.  Tablets aren't going to help.  They only deal with the symptoms not the cause and if you don't deal with the root cause, what's the point?  I will climb out of this hole somehow, it's just going to take time.

Suzy - hun, have texted you.  Thank you for the lovely card.  Am here for you through thick and thin whatever happens.  You are my friend no matter what.  You know what I'm talking about.

Cinders - thank you for your texts too.  I so don't want to influence that positive vibe you have been doing so well. You keep going.  I'm banking on you.  If it works for you this time, I may even give it another go myself.  You are an amazing friend.  Thanks

I'm getting there everyone, honest.  Hit rock bottom on Sunday night.  Sat breaking my heart crying for hours.  Not sure if it was AF hormones, due date coming up or just loneliness, but I feel a little more centred today.  I have no idea how my life is going to pan out.  But out of all this nastiness, I have made some fantastic friends and that's a lovely silver lining.  I just hope I can help you guys out when you have your lows.  Going to potter off to bed now as dh playing basketball, and ds woke me at 5.30am this morning cos he'd had an accident! So I put him in bed with me, and he proceeded to wiggle and fidget for the  next hour til I got up!  I love that little boy so much.  I am a very lucky mum to have a ds so special, loving and clever.  I must start to appreciate the good things in my life.

Love to you all

Pand


----------



## faithfullyhoping

bubbs - sex drive, what's that!!! Good job i'm doing iui not clomid!!! 

Pand - have sent you a message, we'll all get out of this whole at some point in our lives I'm sure.

Cinders - How are you doing PUPO lady?!!!

missyb - pants about your clinic, hope this month doesn't drag too much for you.  Nice photo too, it's nice to put a face to a name.

Everyone else HI

Me - I'm feeling more positive about things at the moment, just have to see how it goes I suppose.  i guess I've still got a long way to go if this IUI doesn't work, but don't think we'll ever do ivf so here's hoping something happens!!

Faithful xx


----------



## jobo5572

Hello ladies

I'm feeling a bit fed up and have nowhere else to turn.  Am on day 27/28 (can't remember) of 29 day cycle and have been having stomach cramps and back pain for the past couple of days so know that AF must be on her way.  I'm more fed up than ever this month as it's been my last month of Clomid (been told can have no more and only option next is IVF), so no more drugs to help things along and no baby for me in 2008.  I am so sad and just want to cry  tho at work so trying to hold it together.

I know you will understand.

Hope you are all well


----------



## cinders35

Just a quicky as it's tea time!

Firstly thankyou all, for all your kind wishes and mentions. I really have come to rely on you all quite a lot!  

Jo, I'm so sorry you are feeling so down, it's understandable, and yes hun, we do understand   only too well.

Pand   You're not raining on my parade. Not sure if that quite the right saying, but anyway, I can still listen as well as having a PMA for myself. But PMA is floundering a little as I have some af type back ache   . Haven't lost all hope, but would feel better without the aforementioned back ache   .

Another ff on a different thread has had a bfp, her 5th ICSI!! I'm so very excited for her, don't think we can have 5 goes though!!  

Faithful, glad you are feeling more positive  

Love to each and everyone of you.

Cindersxxx


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

I did a test yesterday as I havent come on for over a month - negative needless to say!   Starting to think I may be going through 'the change' or something, as no other explanation for monthlys stopping .... would go and see doc but dont have much faith that they know what theyre on about at all and cant be bothered to go for loads of tests just for bloody guess work all round!

My neighbour has been spotting too and she's only 9 weeks - she finds out tom if the baby is still alive so please can everyone keep em crossed for her??

Hi to every1 - bubb - sex drive whats that?? have lost it totally over the last month!! 

Hi to Cinders, Lainey, Lainey2. Pand, Missy, Suzy and EVERYone else 

Anyone know what happened to drowned girl

Love to you all 

xxxx


----------



## emsylou

Hello evryone, am feeling ssooooo confused (.)(.)ies have decided to plump themselves up and get very veiney over night, but im not due to ovulate for another four days but they are also tender aswel?? Anyone els had this problem?
Lulu xxx


----------



## bubblicous

morning ladies

well my (.)(.) are sore and i have the bad crampy pains back they started last night with a vengence dh kept saying the pain was good pain 
aye right hes no suffering is he     he right though fingers crossed its the start of ovulation

so we did the whole bms last night totally wasnt into it poor dh he felt rather unloved me thinks as i was like just hurry up   but i was sore

went to see my friend new baby last night she so gorg made me even more broody
and dh was besotted by her and how small she was shes the first baby i have ever seen him with and i fell even more in love with him when i saw that side of him 
my dd was 6 months when we started to see each other so she wasnt the wee tiny baby she was a big sturdy girl
made me even more determined now to give him his own we baby 

luci - according to my ticker im not due to ovulate for a few days but my (.)(.) are sore and fullish so im not sure when it may happen well i expect it to happen anytime between now and monday so we will be bms all weekend well when we can 

nanook - sorry bout you bfn fingers crossed for your neighbour sex drive eh i used to have such a high one now its barely there but it is still there a little  

cinders - hope yu are well hunni 

jo - its not over yet you never know babes fingers crossed for you     

ffh -      mines not back to the way it was its only just there i can just about mange the whole wanting to do it   IF does some mean things ot us eh xx

pand - glad you feel abit more centred your an amazing lady   my dd shes 4 gets up every night between 1am and 4 am to come and sleep in our room she has a ready bed in here as she doesnt like to sleep with us but likes us near last night i was still awake when she came in so she jumped into bed with me for 5 minutes for a hug i love it when she does that as shes half asleep and gives the most amazing hugs makes me feel so nice shes such a loving little girl so i know where your coming from there

lainey2 - im considering using ov sticks next month but not sure as i hated them the lasdt time i used them prob because i nevr got a +

missy - how are you hunni 


got a scan tomorrow to check for pcos the dr is sure i dont have it but just wants to check  

everyone else


----------



## faithfullyhoping

cinders - keep that pma up girl.  What day are you on, I've lost track?  Great news re FF, 5th icsi.  She's got some staying power hasn't she!!!

bubbs - bless your dh.  You'll get there I'm sure, this mmay be the month!


Must go am going out for the day and still not got in the shower!!

Faithful x


----------



## wouldbegreat

Hi girls  
Pand hope you are ok glad you are feeling a little better be strong honey  

Bubbs i bet you are busy now cd13 is all systems go good luck   to you both  

Nanook sorry for your ng hope you are ok  

Cinders love to you too  

Jobo sorry to hear about the clomid hope you are ok big   for you 

ffh hope it all goes well for you sending you lots of           

Luci-lou hope you are ok  

Mrs chaos hi how are you  

missy b are you ok honey im sending you a  

And to all the other wonderfull ladies on here  

I am on cd27 dpo7 so am feeling a bit tense to be honest this last week is so hard isn't it .

                                                              WBG


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi girls

Busy on here again!

Cinders - how long til test day?  I have everything crossed for you.

Pand - sorry you are so down.  I feel pretty much the same as you, you just express it so much more articulately.  Big hugs.

Missy - sorry you got a bfn.  This sucks.

Got to go, dh wants his blackberry back.  Will come back later.

Lainey x


----------



## emsylou

Hiya evryone hope you are all ok.

I am not feeling too good today have got very bad back ache, and have just been told that my friend has gone into hospital to have her baby, so am feeling a little jelous i think. Dh is looking after me though bless him, we been having lots of bms, well i wouldnt call it lots just more than normal.

I am going to book my driving test later so hopefully that might take my mind off things for a while.

Lulu
xxxxxxx


----------



## nanook

Hiya

Luci-lou Ive only recently passed my driving test so good luck with that hun.. I know how nerve wracking it is!!  just try and keep calm and dont stress about them being in the car with you and you'll be fine.  The second one I had was great, the bloke was really lovely and totally put me at ease, its just luck of the draw I soppose cos the first bloke was a total jerk, real miserable and not friendly at all but I was determined not to let that bother me the second time (luckily I didnt have him again anyway).

Bubbs - thanks for your words I just dont know whats gone on with me lately - Ive always had a quite high sex drive but I feel as if it wouldnt bother me if I never did it again (with dh anyway)...  hoping its a phase but who knows...??...?

Hi Lainey - yeah another bfn...  dont know why I bothered actually I think its a foregone conclusion that Im just not going to have any more kids.

Seem to be seeing lots of babies at the mo at work - mummies shopping with them while the other kids are at school - Im so jealous of them all I really want to be one of those mummies...  oh well what will be will be etc etc etc... dosent make me feel any better saying that though!  

My neighbour has miscarried so thats all very sad.  I took her some Daffs over yesterday but didnt really know what to say tbh..  They have been through so much over the last couple of years what with her dh having cancer and all and one of her little girls has something wrong with one of her kidneys as well so they deserve a break!  I just hope she falls again soon and it all goes well for them!

At the mo I am laid up with sore throat, blocked nose etc etc which is rubbish!  dh has taken ds to see the spiderwick chronicles - I did want to go too but wouldnt enjoy the experience feeling like this so have stayed home - gonna have a nice hot bath in a mo thatll make me feel better I hope!

Anyway.............. back to the personals!!

Pand are you feeling any better yet babe or are you still down pm me if you like but am sending you a special   and want you to know we are all here for you whenever you need us so dont go feeling all alone or anything. 

Missy hows you hun?

Cinders Hi hun you ok??

Suzy how are you babe??  think youre skiing at the mo so hope the time away has made you feel more refreshed and things are better with dh...  sending you a   too cos you need them at the moment as well.

Faithfullyhoping hi you ok lovely??

Hi to everyone else am spreading some baby fairy dust around .....

Talking of fairys thought Id share this joke I received the other day with you cos I thought it was brill:

A married couple in their sixtys were visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish. 'I want to travel around the world with my husband' said the wife - 2 tickets for a luxuory cruise magically appear in her hand.  The fairy turns to the husband who says ' sorry love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger!' - so, the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92......  and the moral of the story is:  men who are ungrateful bast*rds should remember: fairys are fu*king female!!!! 

Later lovelies xx


----------



## Pand

Hi girlies,

At last Easter has arrived and I have a week and half off work!  Yipee!

Personals first:

Cinders - read your diary and CONGRATULATIONS on passing your OU course.  I knew you would do it!  So when you going to start writing our story?  I really hope those dratted niggles have left you alone.  But don't let them stop you being positive.  I know my body really well too, but last year I had all of the normal AF symptoms, sore boobs, af pains etc and was convinced AF was on the way, but then  I found out I was pregnant.  So it ain't over til the fat lady sings!  Good luck with the packing and enjoy San Fran.  Keep us posted.  I shall be worrying about you.  Fingers crossed!

Suzy - Enjoy ur break hun!  Hope quality time with dh settles things down for you.

Lainey-lou - I know you're really low too hun.  I wish I could give you some advice to help you get through this, but I'm stuffed if I just can't seem to find any relief.  However, did go out last night and get horrendously drunk and really enjoyed myself so would definitely recommend that course of action!  How's the car?  

Nanook  - know what you mean about mummies and babies.  GEt well soon.  Sorry to hear about your neighbour.  Poor woman.  I'm sure you have been a wonderful support to her.  Just the fact that you care enough to take some daffs around will really hlep.  Loved the fairy joke!


Luci -lou - Understand how you feel.  

Lainey2 - fingers crossed.  Please stay away AF!!!!

Bub - I always get tender (.)(.) just before ovulation and I seem to remember clomid just made everything worse than normal!  Good luck with your scan.  Let us know how you get on.

Jobo - you sounded really low.  Has the old witch showed up?  How are you?

Missyb - how are you doing hun?


Well I've had a bit of a rough week.  Was just starting to pick myself up after the weekend, when on Wednesday the girl at work who was due the day after me (you remember, the not very nice one who was horrid to everyone else when they were pregnant, bragged about father christmas giving her dd a baby this year right in front of me just after mc etc) had a baby boy called Harry by c-section.  I walked into the staff room at the end of the day, and there was the announcement on the board.  I cried all the way home, and spent most of the evening in tears.  I wonder if my little one would have been a boy.  Why wasn't it me sitting in the hospital cuddling my baby?  I drove up to the church where we got married and sat on the hill sobbing, hoping that maybe the big guy might take some pity on me and stop making me feel like this.  How on earth do I get myself out of this hole?  What can I do to make myself feel better?  No one has the answers and I feel like I'm destined to feel like this until I finally go through menopause!  

But as usual, picked myself up and went back to work the following day.  Last night we had a work's night out for someone's leaving do.  I had such a great night.  I haven't been out that late (1am) for years!  Got very drunk and danced to lots of cheesy 80s music.  It was such a release!  Flirted outrageously with my Deputy who has a major soft spot for me and felt so much better!

So today, I'm just a little hungover, but feeling ok.  Not got any major plans for Easter, but mum and dad are coming up next week and mum and I are going to London to see a show for her 60th Birthday so am really looking forward to that.  Should be ovulating the day I'm away, typical, but not sure I really care anymore!

That's all for now.

Love to you all and hope you all have a very happy Easter!

Pand


----------



## bubblicous

pand -       i think i would have beeen the same if i had been a cry would have done you good babes, im glad your feeling a bit better today    

nanook - thats a wee shame about your neighbour life sucks sometimes im loaded witht he cold aswell i feel utter crappy because of it and im working all weekend  

licilou -     fingers crossed your about to ovulate babes   will answer your wee pm in a minute sweetie thinking about you though   


lainey - fibgers crossed for you 

missy - how are you babes thinking about you xx


well me 

i went to the hospital today to have my scan to see if i had pcos  
i was surprised at when i was there it was actually our consultant that scanned me

i hated sitting in the waitng areas listening to all the bloody bumps   

one girl was sitting there with her pictures waiting to go back in apparently her baby hadnt been co operating with the scan and wouldnt turn  so they could check the spine she was sitting giving it little bugger it better not be this much hassle when its here

well that was me i just wanted to grab her and say dont be so bloddy ungrateful do you know what id do to be in your situation      

so that was nice to start to it 

then i went in to get my scan i left my dh outside as the girls were with us no point in him coming in to look at an empty uterus was there  
so the dr informed me i had a tilted womb - she said it wasnt a bad thing it just made it harder for her to scan so shed need to do an internal one

so off out to pee all the water i had just drunk great fun  

came back in and she asked me what cycle day i was and how id felt

she said my ovaries deff werent pcos so yippeee  guess thats something 


but she then said for cd 13 she was not happy with my ovaries and what they were doing  

my endometrium was 12mm (last month it was only 8.3) so i though thats good

but i only had one follie and it was only 14mm last month cd 13 my one follie was 17mm
she check both my ovaries 3 times and then decided that that was deff the only ne and she really wasnt pleased  

she said my progesterone level last month day 20 was 22 which is ok but she wants it to be over 30 at least 

she then told me she was pretty sure that this cycle i wasnt going to ovulate as at cd 13 i should be bigger that 14mm so i was to come and have day 21 bloods done again and if they come back under 30 ive to be put up to 100mg clomid 

im a little gutted i know its not much of a big deal as hopefully the 100mg will work but im just gutted 

i did explain to her how last month i had had really bad cramp and this month ive had a little but no where near as sore as what i was last month and she said thinks makes her even more sure that im not going to ovulate


then she mentioned my dh sperm to me she said that his volume was 2.5ml and they only look for 2ml but in the 2ml they look for 20 million as a count and my dh is coming in between 12 -16 million each one has been diff but in these areas
on the gradient test 8 million made it which she said is ok 

now im really worried should i be worried about these levels or do you think they are ok 

overall not the best of days i thought i would just pop in and out and that would be it no ive been left


----------



## nanook

Bubbs         

Pand - yes I would have reacted the same re the baby god how awful - its so bad that you are feeling so low I wish I could make it all go away and stop all your pain.  I really dont know what you can do to feel better hunni so Im sending you a hug anyway and some positive thoughts ok         

Ive just eaten an indian (which I didnt really fancy but dh and ds did so that was that) and am now settling in for the evening watching the soaps.

Nunight all, Ill be back on tom......  Chin up everyone 

Sarah xx


----------



## jobo5572

has arrived, so  again this month.  Am so numb having cried for so long.  No more Clomid left to take.  No baby for me in 2008.  It's just not going to happen.  I am so sad.  I can't cope with this any more.  DH came into the room earlier and just sat down on his chair whilst I was wailing uncontrollably - what an @rse.  He doesn't care and I do not like him very much right now.  

My poor DS - only this morning he asked me "mummy, why you not have a baby ?" - I have no idea where that came from - sixth sense ?  I can honestly say if it weren't for my DS I would not be here.  What's the point ?  

Sorry ladies, not up to writing much.  Feel so [email protected]  I hate myself, I hate who I've become and I feel a complete failure.


----------



## tuck

Evening all

Oh jobo I'm so sorry I really am - blessed af  it does this to us month after month and seems to intensify all those negative emotions. I was where you are last w.e. even saying I didn't want to go on like this - 1st day of af and after about 10 million baby announcements it all mounted up and I felt quite hysterical but i needed to let it all out and  a few days later I feel a bit better.  There is nothing I or any of us can say to make it go away except I understand.  What is your next plan of action or have you not got that far.  I hope your dh can try to be a bit more supportive all mine did was shout at me and say i can't cope with u wen your like this so your not alone on the unsupportive dh either.  Try to keep strong darling and come on here to let it all out when you need to.

Bubbs- sorry for your experience with the scan, it seems like you've been left with just as many questions but great you don't have pcos -  Is there anyone there to analyse and interpret the  other results so you know your doing the best thing? sorry know nothing about levels.  

Pand -  re. that girl at work, also completely understand the wondering what sex your little one was and imagining yourself in hosp, I often do the same.  I have no answers either I'm afraid I have good days and bad but I know that when the girl leaves at work who I was due 2 weeks after I will be on leave.  I cannot face her last day, pressies and well wishes, dreadful i know but self protection. Glad you had a good night though and let your hair down sometimes needed.  - enjoy London - what show you seeing? and have good Easter.

Nanook, - hope you are feeling better, been delivering easter eggs today and my friend and my sis are both really poorly. btw liked your joke.  re. your cycle mine are all over the place, always have been, I never know where I am can be anything from 28 days to 2 months, no rhyme or reason,

cinders - i hope you have a fantastic time away I'm so rooting for you and have everything crossed.    

luci lo - hope your ok - its difficult when we hear friends going to have their babies, i'd rather not know till they had it.

Hi to Susie, hope your enjoying your hols,   and   to Missyb, the 2 lainys, mrs chaos, ffh and everyone else.

Me - well I've still not heard from my 'friend'   after sending her the message re. staying away for a while and having some space.  Thought she would at least have the decency to acknowledge my message and respect my openness and honesty as it took some courage to admit how i was feeling,.... oh well.....
Going to in laws for Easter - feel wierd about that - they have been dreadful since the eps, couldn't cope at all - thought I should be over it immediately after each one and refuse to believe there are any problems.  Just want a tiny bit of understanding and actually i would like to talk about things once in a while rather than to pretend none of it happened.  Might be ok though and ds looking forward to seeing his grandparents and cousin.  Hope it doesn't snow too much though as got  to travel to West country.
Think might try again this cycle but who knows when the right time may come along.  Still undecided but know i must try again so that i can continue the next step in this journey wherever it may take us. 

Oh well i hope you all have a nice easter and don't eat too much choc - on second thoughts stuff yourself senseless, i did today it feels goooood.....

Take care

Tuckxxx


----------



## emsylou

Hiya evryone,

Jobo- i am so sorry to hear about your bfn, i know how much it hurts when the little ones ask questions especially when its the wrong time of the month. Im sending you a big  . 

Bubblicous- i am so sorry to hear about your news from your apt hopefully the clomid might help if they increase it iv got my fingers and my toes crossed for you hun.  

Nanook- congrats on passing your driving test hopefully i will have a nice one too because i will get so nervous.
I am so sorry to hear about your neighbour.
Hope you enjoyed your indian.

Hiya lainey2 hope your ok

Me - well my friend had her son 6lb 7oz she rang me to tell me i wanted to be pleased for her but i am so unbelievably jelous i said i will wait untill she comes home, i am feeling so gutted i have cried ever since she called me she is so lucky. I am realy scared for when i do see them because i dont want to cry and make her feel guilty but i dont know if im going to be able to hold my tears back, am feeling so emotional at the moment. Dh said he will take me shopping tomorrow to make me feel a bit better but the thought of going isnt doing anything because i know if i go out i will see someone with a bump and i dont think i am feeling strong enough for that. I am happy for my friend but its making me feel worse that i cant feel how i should feel, i try and smile but i know that deep inside it ripping me to shreds. Im sorry i am rambling on again.

Hope evryone els is ok though.


Big   to you all and lots of   to evryone 

Lulu
xxx


----------



## missyb

hi everyone

i think at the moment we all need alot of    some tlc and lots of kleenex. i wish i had something bright and positive to say but i have nothing even approaching that in me! all i can say is thank goodness for this site, without which i'd have been carted off in a coat that does up at the back ages ago!!

hi jobo... aw hun im so so sorry   im sorry that the witch turned up and that dh is being an ass! ive just started the clomid and to me its the magic cure-all.. i just hope it works as i know if it doesnt im going to be feeling just like you sweety. if you need to/want to talk pm me your mobi and i will text you. i think pand said that it stays in your system for 56 days so dont give up hope hun.

hi bubs...   sweety i wish i knew what to say. hopefully increasing the clomid will help even if it means you have one good sized follie each mth. does dh take any vits? my dp's first sa was really low and i put him on wellman vits and his sa went from 2 million to 27 million... ok the progression still needs working on (they need sat nav to get to where they need to!) but it was a great improvement.. also dont forget hun it only takes one!!

hi pand..   sweety. your work colleague sounds like a right insensitive b i t c h!  glad you had a good night at the works do. sometimes a bit of flirting and alot of alcohol can do you the world of good! have a lovely time with your mum and dad over the hols hun. reading your post made me want to cry, i could just imagine you sitting in your car at the church. i wish i could make a deal with god.. id only make 2 requests.. for my mum back and for a baby... one is impossible and the other one is beginning to feel that way.   and you are right.. we have courage in bucket fulls...i just wish sometimes we wouldnt have to keep dusting ourselves off and pick ourselves up!

hi nanook... how are you feeling now hun? sorry to hear about your neighbour.

hi lainey-lou... how are you sweety? thank you for listening to my text rants over the last few days!  

hi cinders... how is the backache? it can be a good sign too hun. im   that you have good news for us after 28th.. well done on your course and thank you so much for listening to my rant texts too!!

hi susie.. thinking of you hun.. hope you have a fab time over the hols, i know youre a busy bee. take care and hopefully we will catch up for that coffee next time you are down this way!

hi lainey2.. how are you darlin? hope the 2ww isnt driving you too  

hi luci-lou... how are you sweety? it's so close to home when someone you know has a baby. it kind of makes you feel inadequate.. our time will come sweetheart  glad dh is looking after you.

hi faithful.. how are you? how was your day out?



well.. i have to admit ive been like a bear with a sore head for the last week and i know ive been a nightmare to live with! i went for my tracking scan yesterday and thankfully the cyst has gone. the dr said that i can restart the clomid.. one problem though.. i cant find the bloo&& pills anywhere! i know i put them somewhere safe! the dr is away next week so im going to have a clomid free month anyway now! i have turned the house upside down and ive had an onset of tourretts in the process!!!

i hope you have a good easter and that we have some good weather and lots of bfp's soon!


amanda xx


----------



## missyb

hi tuck & luci-lou... think my post crossed with your messages.

tuck..im sorry you havent heard from your friend... it takes alot to do what you did and you should be proud of yourself.. it is her that has the problem.. hope it isnt too painful at the outlaws.. will you need kidnapping (i often offer that to cinders and anyone else who needs rescuing!)

hi luci..i know nothing i say is going to make you feel better hun but just wanted to give you another  

amanda xx


----------



## bubblicous

missy -  for the past 2 months hes been taking holland and barrats selenium,ace and zinc hes not had a sa done since oct 07 though so dont know if they are doing any good i might ask the dr to do another one when were next back hope your feelin ok babes  

luci - lou i though u said in your pm she was just in labour that was fast or was i not reading it right 


jobo - sorry damm af turned up       

tuck - thats pretty rotten that shes not even aknowledged you have fun with the inlaws babes  

well ive calmed down a bit got to look on the birght side i dont have pcos woohooo
plus hopefully the clomid being uped will work also like i said dh last sa was in  oct 07 and now hes taken all his vits so fingers crossed they are better plus it only takes 1

dh cousin is pregnant and he dh count was only like 4 million so it just shows ya eh 

youngest dd is still awake and pleading to come in to our room with us think dh ihas now given up and is going to get her   so at least i will get lovely we cuddles from my baby


----------



## emsylou

Hi evryone

bublicous-sorry i pm'd you after i wrote my msg on here thats probably why you didnt get it till later, i just sent youanother pm hun.

Missyb-thanks hun, just having you lovely ladies here to listen when i need a moan is enough, you are all so wonderfull, and i am so glad i found this web site i dont know what i would have done without it.

Any way im off to get some zzzzzzz's am so tired, night night evryone.

Lulu
xxxx


----------



## lyndalou

Just back from a week trip with work [couldnt get near a computer] missed FF loads
Just a quick one before I read and catch up with everyones news.

Cinders Wishing you all the luck in the world


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

Jobo           You will feel better soon hun like soeone else said we all feel esp negative when af comes - mine as last night (at last) and although Im not negative I was last week when I did a test and it was negative.  Im going to start buying those ovulation kits 0 apparently they are a lot cheaper from asda than anywhere else so Im gonna buy a whole monhs worth and see if Im flipping ovulating at all..  Im with you re the unsupportive husband mine just gets angry like Im not allowed to feel anything but happy etc....  and yes without ds I dont know whet Id do either a lot of the time.  I dont have many 'close' friends although I do know a lot of people there arent many people I can talk to, if any really so feel very lonely at times...  This site had really been a godsend esp at those really low times so even if you dont feel like writing much just know that we are here for you if you need us hun... xx

Thanks for all your messages re my neighbour - they are such a strong family they seem to be fine, almost taking it in their stride sort of thing they put me to shame, making a big deal from everything that goes wrong!!

Im wathing the Grinch (which kind of freaks me out a bit but ds likes it) at the mo after spending all day cleaning as got my mum and dad and nan over for dinner tom, and delivering easter eggs to next door neighbours girls and a couple of ds friends... didnt take the car as they are all local but god its cold!!!!!  brrrrrrrrrrr, so got in and put the heating up full blast and made a nice cuppa.

Happy Easter y'all anyway 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xx


----------



## emsylou

Hiya evryone Happy easter.
Hope you lovely ladies are all ok?
My (.)(.)ies are still realy sore it realy hurts when i lift my arms up, it feels like i have had a realy good work out and am aching but i have got realy bad pains in my back and the botto of my tummy, it might be because im ovulating but last month i had the same pains right the way up to my af.
Have deided that i am going to phone the hospital on tuesday and ask them if i can have the lap and dye, i was told that i could have it done at my last apt but the nurse said that she would wait if she was me, but i think i just want to know whats going on in there. DD has been scoffing easter eggs for her breakfast, she was so excited when she got up and saw what the easter bunny had gotten her, i need to phone my other dd she has gone away with my parents for the weekend. 
Anyway i hope evryone is ok,am thinking about you all.
lulu
xxx


----------



## wouldbegreat

Happy Easter Everyone Lots Of Love wouldbe great


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girlies

Everybody sounds a bit unhappy at the moment    to everyone. 

Pand - Glad you had a good weep after your colleague had her baby.  It so reminded me of how i felt when my sister had her 3rd last year.  I was so glad that my dh answered the phone as I wouldn't have been able to have finished the conversation.  It was like I didn't know where all the tears were coming from, it hurt so much it was almost like a real pain. I hope that now she's had it you can start to move on from it a bit.  I'm guessing that you've been worrying about it happening for some time now, at least now it's over and done with.

Bubbs - sorry your scan didn't give you good news.  Try and be positive hun, it sounds like last month you were ok, and hopefully upping the clomid will do the trick. I don't know if it's any consolation but at least you know what the problem is and hopefully can sort it out, I so wish I knew why I can't get prg, it just seems a mystery.

Missyb - Glad the cyst has gone, at least you can get started again next month.  Hope you find the Clomid!!!!  Had a nice day out thanks, lots of girlie chit chat!!!

Will have to go as DH needs computer.  Hi to everyone else


Faithful x


----------



## bubblicous

evening all

im not long in from work the longest 9 hours ever it was so quiet so im shattered
plus i have man flu    feel crap

dh and i decided to carry on witht he bms just incase you never know 

ffh - i was feeling a tad sorry for meself the other day much better now though i would hate not knowing hunni       hope your ok the now

lainey2 - happy easter babes

lucilou - hey mrs i pmd you again babes its a good sign that your boobies are sore need to get down to some bms did you get your dh some vits

missy - hey babes     been missing ya glas the cyst is away hunni and you can crack on with the nutty pills   hope you find them im so bad for losing things all the time i put things in a safe place then cant remember where the safe place is   dh calls it my filling system


well im off to have a huggle with the dh  need some man flu sympathy he always gets it when he has man flu so surely i deserve some now                       to all we all need some


----------



## emsylou

Hey evryone hope you are all ok,and had a good easter.

Just thought id check in to see you lovely ladies are ok?

Lulu
xxx


----------



## cinders35

Hello everyone!
Thankyou again for all your good wishes. I am logged on from hotel room, how cool is that?!

Love to everyone feeling so pants    .

I still have everything crossed, including legs, there aint nothing coming outta there!!!! I have made it a whole day longer than the other two cycles now, but I am absolutely petrified each and every time I wee!! I am still having af type twinges on & off, but sometimes not even sure I can distinguish between af feelings, and windy pain anymore  ,

Love to all,

Will keep you posted.

Love Cindersxxxx


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Ladies

Just a quick one from me. Started my sniffy spray on Sat so back on the rollercooster again. Managed to get our drugs much cheaper 
this time[ is so worth shopping around ] AF due on Sat so scan a few days later.

Cinders Looking good 

Love and loads of       to everyone


----------



## emsylou

Hiya i just wanted to say good luck cinders il keep my fingers crossed for you hun.
 to evryone else
My gums have been realy bad bleeding when ever i brush them and thats never happened before and i heard that could be a sign of pg but im not getting my hopes up, i probably should go to the dentist to get it checked but im a bit of a wimp.

lulu
xxxxx


----------



## bubblicous

GOOD LUCK CINDERS


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!! hope you all had a nice easter... i didnt eat too many eggs though i have to admit we spent the weekend with the outlaws and had quite a boozy weekend   back to trying to lose some weight before our hols in june! the clomid is still nowhere to be found and so ive had to leave a message with the clinic to see if i can get a new prescription! ive been doing opks and so far they are all negative! so i will keep trying and hope that the clomid is still working in my system!


hi to all... sorry for the lack of personals.


mwah


amanda xx


----------



## emsylou

Hiya all,
Im sorry but i need a big moan.
I am feeling so horrible, i took the girls to the library this afternoon and there was a woman there with a huge bump and she kept rubbing it and she kept talking about her new baby and stuff, and it has made me feel so sad. I just feel like i want to go to bed and burst into tears. When i got home my friend emailed me some pics of her new baby and i am watching hollyoaks and tina has just had her scan. It just feels like evrywhere i look there is people having babies, words cant explain how i am feeling today, i have down days evrynow and again but i never feel this bad i just dont know what to do. I phoned the hospital earlier to tell them that i did want to have the lap&dye done sooner rather than later but i have to go in and see my cons first, but i dont unerstand why because i have been told that i should have it done. oooh i am just so frustrated and i am hurting so bad. Sorry id better shut up i know i sound like a selfish pig, sorry for moaning.
Lulu xxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi everyone

GOOD LUCK CINDERS          Keep us posted.

Luci-lou - we all have days like that I think.  I know what you mean about bumps/babies being everywhere.  I saw a family out in town the other day - they had five kids and both parents were chuffing on ****     Arrgghhh! It makes me so angry.  I am sending you a  .  I hope you feel more positive soon.

Bubbs - sorry the scan didn't go well.  I think you are right though, you should try anyway, you never know  

Pand - I am sorry you have had to endure that   cow at work rubbing her fertility in your face.  Some people don't deserve good things.  I hope you are feeling better soon, I hope that now the event has happened things will be a little easier for you, I know you must have been dreading the birth.  

Missy - I am glad the cyst has gone but what a bummer re the clomid.  Life sucks sometimes  

Lyndalou - good luck with this cycle, I hope it works for you  

Tuck - I am sorry your friend didn't reply to your message.  As you said though, if they don't understand then they are not real friends.  Self preservation is the name of the game and you have to do what is right for you.  

Jobo - sorry you got a BFN.  It never gets any easier.  Sending you a  

Hi to FFH, Nanook, Susie, RP, Jo and everyone else.  Much love to you all.

I am ok at the moment.  Counting down to 12 May, which doesn't seem too far away now.  My car is all fixed and lovely (can't remember if I said on here, but I scraped it  ) so it is as good as new again  

I have now lost 6 lbs on WW so am quite happy but seem to have reached a plateau.  It doesn't matter what I do, it is not moving anymore.  Any tips?  

Got to go, am going to take DD to see Horton hears a who with a friend and her DD.  Then off to Nandos!

Lainey x


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!

aw lulu... im so sorry that you are feeling down.. i think we all know how you feel and it sucks. it just seems to be in our face all of the time.. i think your cons has to refer you to get the lap & dye done hun but as soon as he sees you he can get it all underway. hope you dont have to wait too long.

hi lainey-lou.. well done you on the weightloss.. i could sooo do with losing the 2stone i have put on! im going to the gym but i need to sort out my diet! have a nice time at the cinema hun

hi to all you other ladies!

amanda xx


----------



## bubblicous

hey all

another lazy day here bad bad me i do promise to be good tomorrow

missy - how are you hunni feel like ive noot spoke to you in ages hows u getting on

luci - hugs to you   your a wee star

lainey - well done 6lbs wish it was me 

everyone else   where is everyone its awful quiet on here of late xxxxxxx

                       

hope some lands on you xx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls 

I did type a post yesterday but lost it - stupid computer. So I can't remember what I've replied to and haven't now!!!


Anyway Luci-lou - sorry you're feeling so low, sometimes it happens like that doesn't it, pregnant women everywhere. Hope you feel a bit better soon.  Why do they want you to have a lap done by the way if you don't mind me asking?  I've never had one done and I do worry sometimes that there's a problem there that hasn't been found yet.

Bubbs - Hope you've enjoyed your lazy day. 

Lainey - Lou well done on losing the weight. Sorry don't have any tips for shifting anymore, I'm one of those really annoying people that can eat anything.  

Everyone else Hi

I've been for scan today, I've got 2 follies 21mm and 22mm which is "perfect" apparently!!!   Just waiting for LH surge.  If I get it tomorrow then basting is on Friday, if not then will have injection  ready for Saturday.

Faithful x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

By the way I forgot to say - I was really brave and went to see my friend and her new baby today.  I have to say it was absolutely fine, I had dd with me which really helped.  I had a little cuddle and she was really cute. I've decided that I'm worse with the bump thing than I am once they're born!!!!

Also, I've taken a leaf out of Cinders book and am feeling very positive at the moment. Even if it doesn't work this time I think I will have another baby at some point. So will try to keep up the PMA.

Cinders - thinking of you, how are you doing?  

Faithful x


----------



## emsylou

Hiya ladies, 
i am feeling a lot better today i think i just needed a good moan, when i tell dh about how i am feeling he just nodds his head and says "yeah" so it is so much nicer being able to talk to you lovely ladies especially because you know how i am feeling.
Hope you are all ok?
Lulu xxxxxxxxx


----------



## nanook

Hiya

Glad you're feeling better lulu it gets to us all at times babe. 

Im having the everywhere theres babies thing at the mo too - bumped into an old boyfriends mum today who informed me his sis is pregnant with her second. Shes younger than me too so that got to me...  the Hollyoaks scan bothered me too ...  its just not fair!  I really dont know what to do - I was gonna buy a months worth of ovulating kits to see if I am at all but I can even afford that at the mo as my car is costing an arm and a leg what withthe tax due etc............  am starting to feel desperate again and Ive been doing really well so looks like Im about to go on another rollercoaster of emotions! greeeeeeeeeaaat!

Other than that everythings cool - not much to say really - had a great Easter weekend with my mum, dad and nan... spent all day Sunday playing the wii - even my nan had a go bless her!  dh came home with a lovely bunch of roses and some ferrero rocher on Saturday so he's in the good books at the mo.

Have been offered jopb with NSPCC again with hours to suit - thing is though I was in tears for nearly an hour after watching the Bill last night - did anyone see that?? the end bit with the 8 year old boy etc totally got to me so what use will I be working somewhere where Im dealing with actual case reports??  Ill be a mess all the time probably!  needless to say I wont be tuning in to the Bill for a while - just cant get awful thoughts out of my head when I see/hear about stuff like that and start relating it to 'what if it happened to ds etc' - messes me up it really does!

Anyways love to all - hope you guys are all good....

Sarah

xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi everyone

It's very quiet on here at the moment - which is good actually as it doesn't take me so long to catch up!

Luci - lou - I love your wedding picture, you look like Jordan but in a good way!!   I was thinking about you today, I nipped to Ikea this pm and I kept seeing prg bellies everywhere  . I suppose they were all there buying cots and things.  Must put it on my don't go when feeling sensitive list 

Anyway - the friend that I thought might be pregnant - i don't think is now. I bumped into her mum who said she'd been really poorly and my other friend said she'd been for tests to check not food poisoning.  So that's a relief as we're going over there on sat.  I would have been on tenderhooks all night.  Perhaps I'll beat her to it afterall!!!!

Got my Lh surge this am so am going for basting tomorrow  . Still feeling positive - I will be pregnant again, I will........... I gave DH   a good talking to last night, explaining to them that just one of them needed to find one egg, there are 2 to choose from, how hard can it be?!!!! Think I've scared them into submission now little miscreants!!!!

Hope everyone's OK

Faithful x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Hi Sarah

Sorry our posts crossed.

Good news about the job - hours to suit as well - that's fab. I'm sure you'll be fine once you're doing it, it's different watching things on the tv I think.  Try SME fertility on line for the OP kits, you can get a load of them really cheap.  If this treatment doesn't work for me I'm going to pursue the ovulation checking route, because I really don't think I was ovulating properly before, or at the right time anyway. So at least if you check for a few cycles you can go armed to your doctor/consultant and demand tests!!!!


Faithful x


----------



## missyb

evening ladies!!


back at work today after 12 days off   we have moved to our new floor in the hospital and it's chaos!!


dp has just got dinner ready (what timing!!) so i will be back in a tick to do personals!


amanda xx


----------



## bubblicous

hey missy - how nice of dp has he made you something nice i hope your having a nice evening 12 days off lucky girl wish it was me bet it was horrid having to go back   where are you in your cycle im on the dreaded 2ww fun or what 

ffh - sorry about ikea i hate it when that happens its hell goodluck for tomorrow and hope the     listened to you 

nanook - well done on the job offer know how you feel with regards to the pg pepe and bumps life just aint fair i feel like a magnet to them at the mo

me
starting to get over the cold a bit i think went shopping today was nice but didnt buy a thing eldest has her first school disco tonight so done her all up and away she went she was so gorg dh wasnt happy when he heard her and her friend discussing what boys they were going to kiss    they are both only 5 i thought it was sweet he didnt see that though   

got bloods tomorrow wnet to gp today to get copies of dh sa results and guess what they have lost them how good is that 
weve to phone tomorrow to see if the nurse managed to get them for the labs again typical eh dont need them for anything just would like to see what they are like

bought dh a load of vits today as they were in the holland and barrat sale so hes got plenty to keep him going


----------



## emsylou

hi all

FFH- thanks hun i got told that i looked a bit like her on my hen night only her exact words were, "you look a bit like jordan, you know a bit sleezy" i thought god dam you had better hope i dont see you when im sober     
But i just laughed i thought it was funny as i thought she was complimenting me at first  
I know how it feels i only have to open my front door and i am bound to have a bump stuck right there in my face, hope it didnt upset you too much hunni. 
I hope your little chat has done your dh's   good and you get your bfp soon.

Nanook- sorry to hear about how you are feeling hun, i burst into tears when i watched tina having her scan on hollyoaks.
I know the feeling about not having much money i have been making dh do some over time to try and help us to get back ontop of things as we have been realy struggling latley. good to hear about your new job oppertunity, hours to suit how comfy would that be.
I am feeling desperate too hun i would do anything for a bfp it feels like ttc is an adiction now like it has to happen soon other wise i dont know how i will cope, so i fully understand how your feeling about that too.

Missyb- hiya babes hope you are ok?

Bubblicious- hey sweetie, how are you? You had a buisy day today? I never i had a lazy one again, hope your ok?

Laineylou- congratulations with your weight loss hun, sorry i dont have any advice on weith loss. Hope you are ok?

Hi to evryone else hope you are ok?

Have had such a lazy day today AGAIN, i know i am terrible i was still in my pj's untill lunch time. Am going to catch up tomorrow. I am feeling so much better today, i am going to try a bit of pma this month to see if it works, and i am going to loose some more weight, dont know how but i am determined to get rid of my second chin and my flabby parts.

Anyways, hope evryone has had a good day.

Lots of love and luck to all of you lovely ladies.
Lulu 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## missyb

back again ladies!

hi lulu... you look gorgeous in your pic and look like jordan but definatley not in a nasty way xx a lazy day sounds fab to me! i definatley could do with some more of them! 

hi bubs... im doing the clearblue digital opks and still have negatives   i started testing early as my cycle was 24 days but i have a feeling my cycle is going to be slightly later this mth. im on cd11 today and only have 2 sticks left   dp made a lovely dinner.. chargrilled chicken, rice with mushrooms,onions,peas and salad.. it was v tasty! i have put on sooooooo much weight that i need to do something before i turn into homer simpsons long lost sister! when is test date?? are the crazy pills driving you crazy?? so sorry about dh's sa results... what a pain in the ass! awww bet your eldest dd looked gorgeous... men are v protective. dp is v protective of the girls and has already told me about a patch in the garden that he will keep for unsuitable suitors!!

hi faithful.. good luck    for basting hun xxx

hi nanook.. aw sweety   sorry that you are on the ttc rollercoster and have other things going on (car... i can sooo relate to that one hun... think mine will cost an arm, leg and various other body parts!) you know that we know what you are going thru and are always here for you xx are you going to take the job?? i know it must be hard hearing all of the things that these children are going thru but the fact that you care so much means you will be good at the job. i hate anything like that as my youngest dd was abused by my registered childminders husband and we had a really traumatic time with police, etc. it makes my blood boil.. im not a violent person but i could do time for that man!

hi gann.. thanks for the lovely pm.. hope you are well hun. i will try and give you a ring tonight (though dp now wants to watch a movie!) if not i'll give you a ring over the weekend if you are free hun  

hi susie.. thinking of you hun xx hope you are well

hi cinders... one day till test day!!! thinking of you sweety..  for some good news

hi lainey-lou... how are you sweety? hope you are ok.

hi lainey2...hope the 2ww isnt driving you insane!!!


hi to all those i havent mentioned but havent forgotten


love 

amanda xx


----------



## missyb

awww lainey2... just read your post on the 2ww.. sorry that the b i t c h witch arrived today   hope you feel better soon after op.xx


----------



## wouldbegreat

Hi
My AF arrived today    i have been so ill though since op haven't i so its to be expected really .I got af 10 mins after spending £9 on test sticks   i took them back this afternoon and bought persona test sticks instead as i will use that this month .
I was amazed i was spot on with pain being ovulation pain so worked out when af would arrive and it was to the day so thats good news .
I have been on preg vits for a week and feel so much stronger so hope they will help next month and by then i will have took folic acid for 3 months .

The 2ww is a nightmare isn't it i am almost glad its over so i can relax and move on  

           Sorry a me post


----------



## bubblicous

lainey 2 - sorry the eveil cow got you babes good luck for next cycle though     

missy - ive been fine this cycle so pretty sure i didnt ovulate ive got blood tomorrow to say wether or not ive ovulated so will find out mid next week 
test date would be 6th april the day my mil arrives what fun but i expect af here on that date

luci - your a wee sweetie    

well now im sitting     
just saw photos of dh evil cousins baby boy that she had on sunday hes stunning and all i can think is i want one  
its so unfair that people who arent even bothered about having a baby get one

i need a good slap now


----------



## missyb

aw bubs.. dont be sad (btw you look gorgeous too in your wedding gear... i want to get married now!!) your turn will come sweety. i can feel it in my waters! and no it's not a uti!


amanda xx


----------



## bubblicous

i loved gettin married missy best day ever no plans to make dp your dh yet im so girlie i just loved the whole big fancy dress etc etc

thanks babes for your support i hope my day will come as i hope your will come too


----------



## emsylou

Hi evryone sorry i got names mixed up with my msgs yesterday in my post   sorry 
Hope evryone is ok xxxxx
missyb- thanks hunni xxxxxxx


----------



## lyndalou

Lainey Sorry it was not meant to be this month 

Has anyone heard from Cinders? I think today is test day for her 

Thinking of you Cinders


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!!

im sooo glad it's friday!! 

how are we today? im sooo tired but glad to be home with dp! (the dd's are at their dads)

hi lyndalou... i cant wait to hear from cinders.. she has text me but im hoping she'll be on here soon!

hi bubs.. everytime me and dp used to talk about getting hitched we'd argue (both wanted different things) after losing mum i really dont care about it all anymore and would love to marry dp butit's not the end of the world if we dont. i love him dearly and dont care how we do it! having said that there is a big girly part of me that wants the whole 9 yards!

hi lulu how are you doing?

hi lainey2 hope your feeling ok.


hi to all who have gone AWOL.. hurry back as we miss you!


amanda xx


----------



## wouldbegreat

hi missy im fine honey enjoying chilling with dh after the stress of the 2ww glad its all over for 18 days lol


----------



## SUSZY

hi girls
its late and just back from my travels and not sure have time or energy to respond with personals.
just hope you are all ok
thinking of you as ever and miss you all
am off skiing at 4am and will be back in a week so will be in touch then.
welcome to any newbies and hi to oldies and I will be back again soon.
love
susie


----------



## SUSZY

just caught up with all your news but still no energy for personals and have to get up in less than four hours!
just wanted to send you all
                                        

love to you all and will be back soon
am feeling a bit better thanks
susie


----------



## cinders35

Hello all,

I know I haven't been on much as have been doing my diary, and so hopefully not boring everyone with my 2ww!!
I have been reading though, so hello to the newbies, and as Suszy said hello to the oldies   !!
Well I'll get down to business, and hope that this doesn't make you feel bad if you are down.  I hope that it will give you some hope.  
After over 4 years of ttc with no luck, my 3rd IVF cycle has given me a BFP!!! 
I feel a mixture of emotions, and so very very blessed. I know there are risks particularly in the first 12 weeks, but I am going to hope and   that all will be well. That's all anyone can do I guess. 

This site, and particularly this board has come to mean the world to me! I don't know how I would have coped without it over the past year. The friends I have made have truly helped me through more than my real life friends, which may sound sad. But unless you experience IF and more specifically secondary IF, you cannot begin to understand. Ofcourse you already know that!  

I am so lucky, I know that.
We have talked a lot about being in the bottom of a deep dark pit that we can't escape. Right now I'm sitting on the edge, the view is great from here girls! I hope to help pull you out if I can, but you might have to give each other a leg up!

Thankyou so much. 
I still don't know how my story will end. A few of us have had the joy of a bfp to have it cruelly snatched away. 
I'm hoping the embie(s) are sticky ones.
If I knew why it had worked this time, I'd tell you in a shot. But I know you'll be queuing up to sit in my chair, apparently Missyb has bagseed first sit!!  

I'm tired and waffly, so I'll stop now. But thank's girls.
Love ya  

Cindersxxx


----------



## Jo1983

Wow Cinders,   

CONGRATULATIONS HUN!!!!

I am so very very pleased and happy for you.....all my fingers and toes are crossed that it all works out for you. You really deserve this!

Lots of love and luck to you and your family xxx   

P.S I am actually at work at the moment! Naughty me!

Jo x


----------



## cinders35

Very naughty!!!

Thank's Jo!  

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## emsylou

congratulations cinders i hope you have a very happy and healthy pgnancy.
love lulu xxxx


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!

omg!! cinders do you know how hard it was not to tell everyone your news!!! i was sooo excited.. when lyndalou said had anyone heard from cinders i just wanted to shout YES YES YES!!! i didnt want to steal your thunder. as per usual hun you have such a way with words. i dont know why but i can so relate to the pit analogy that it did make me shed a tear. but in a happy way.

yes i do get first dibs on the baby seat!

as a golden oldie i wish you a healthy & happy 9mths and sending you some sticky  vibes.

[fly]      

[move type=scroll loop=-1 direction=left step=6 delay=85] amanda xx


----------



## *Lollipop*

Cinders,................Congratulations my dear friend............ 

                       .............................Gabxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## lyndalou

Cinders  Wow that fantastic news         
            Im so glad for you hon. Try to relax, not worry and just Enjoy


----------



## lyndalou

Missybe  I had an idea it was bfp because your post said I have heard from her but she will be on soon. I just knew it had
            to be good news. Its so exciting! Hope your well hon x


----------



## tuck

Hey cinders this is the best most amazing news.  Congratulations you must be over the moon.
Tuckxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone!

Will post properly again later, but just wanted to say

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! CINDERS!!!! YIPEE!!!!! You are such a star and I am such a witch!  I just had a feeling it was going to work for you this time!  You have been such a wonderful support and friend to both me and lots of other ladies on this thread I can't think of anyone else I would rather be hearing this news from right at this moment!  You so deserve this.  You have come such a long way and you are now an inspiration to the rest of us!  I know you still have a long way to go, but we are here for you every step of the way!  

Come on Rapunzel, let down your hair!

Lots of love to all (old and new)

Pand


----------



## wouldbegreat

Cinders Congratulations honey i wish you a happy and healthy 9 months  
                               wouldbegreat


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Cinders fanbloodytastic news my lovely!    
I am so thrilled for you!  
Hi to everyone, sorry am pants at the moment with personals 
Lotsa love to all 
Gayn
XX


----------



## bubblicous

cinders woohooo              heres to ahppy and healthy 8 months hunni congrats to you & your dh 


everyone else let hope we have a few more   this month


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Yey - Cinders                      

We've finally got a bfp on this thread - bagsy the chair after missy, or have I already missed 2nd turn?!!

I hope you can relax and enjoy it, we're all over the moon for you.

Faithful x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

By the way had basting done on Friday, Cervix was in the wrong place apparently so it was a bit uncomfortable but got there in the end!

So am in 2ww now, and already dreading the outcome!!!  Must remember PMA!!!! It worked for Cinders


----------



## Wendeth

Cinders I am so thrilled for you!!!!! Wahey!!!      

Sorry i've not been posted in here recently girls.  I figured out, when I was feeling terrifically flat from my BFN, that i was trying to do personals for over 100 members of FF so i stopped posting for a bit and have now broken my addiction for the moment.  But that doesn't stop me from feeling a tremendous sense of gratitude to you all for the support you have offered me over the last few months.  It is a life saver, to have FFs, so thank you to you all and i hope you all get your BFPs like Cinders!!!!!! i am so excited for you!  What a huge morale booster for us all.    

Faithful  - PUPO Lady!!  stay calm and positive          and you'll get there too  

love Wendeth x


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Thanks Wendeth

I don't blame you for having a break, I find that sometimes I'm better staying away a bit to try and think about other things.
How's your treatment plan going, do you have a date to start yet? Is it still the ginger eggs?!!!!


----------



## bubblicous

well ladies how are we all

im crap today me and dh had the biggest row today ever at one point he was talking about leaving so ive spent most of the day crying
it was over ttc money and lots of things we just let things get onotp of us and it all came crumbing down in one fellow swoop

on the upside everything is much better now weve made up and promised to talk to each other more stop letting it get ontop of us so much

ffh - fingers crossed for your 2ww hope it goes quickly with a nice bfp at the end babes  

missy - how are ya

luci - hows things babes youve been awful quiet the past few days hope your ok

everyone elses hungs and kisses


----------



## cinders35

I'm overwhelmed by all your responses   .
Thank's girls!!!
Internet connection is slow and I keep losing posts, so forgive me if I can't manage to get back to you too much!

Faithful,    

Missyb, thank's for   !  

Pand, you are not witch!!! You are fab, wonderful friend!!!  

Bubs, sorry you had such a pants time with dp. Sometimes it's good to clear the air though?

Love to all,

Cindersxxx


----------



## moominemma

Well done Cinders! That is fantastic news! Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy.
Emma xx


----------



## angel83

Well Done Cinders - Thats fantastic news.


----------



## nanook

CINDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW WOW WOW I am SO chuffed for you haha thats brilliant news!!!          
Good luck with the pregnancy you must be over the moon! lots of love n hugs to to you hun xxx

Susie Ill talk to you later hope youre ok babe am sending you some positive energy   - we all need some of it so Im sending some to us all   x

Missy - OMG!  your post shocked me hun Im going to pm you.  Thanks for your positive thoughts.

Bubbs sorry to hear you and dh had a bust up, although as you say if its been building up you prob just needed to clear the air - hope things are better for you now.

Faithfully - hiya thanks re your post, and yes Ill have a look on that website and def order myself some from there as they cost a small fortune elsewhere dont they. 

Hi to everyone else I cant go through doing personals for everyone so just a big fat hi to one n all...

As for me...

The job re NSPCC is getting better and better!  I received an email from the manager last week saying they would work around hours for me etc, then they said that they had bought a further 3 car parking spaces, one of which would be allocated to me (!) if I take the job (Am starting to feel a bit special by this point)...  I emailed back to say that yes I would still be interested but the job I have at the mo gives me all school holidays off and would this also be something that could be worked around and she called me and said yes! shouldnt be a problem, she really wants me there and if I just tell her what I want she'll do her damndest to work around it for me!!  Well!  Ive never been 'wanted' this much by an employer before Im starting to worry I wont be able to live up to her expectations or something!!  lol - apparently the office manager is leaving (think shes been sacked) - the manager who I spoke to said that she would tell me all later but that it was all to do with her not being prepared to be flexable re my job offer (hours etc) and its transpired that some of the other staff wanted to be more flexable etc and she was like a bit of a brick wall kind of thing! so, its all good!  Im going to wait for them to confirm about the holidays etc and then Im going to approach money ........ I feel like its a bit of a cheek after everything else theyve agreed to do but if Ive learnt in previous jobs that if I dont do it now Ill be stuck on a gradual pay rise etc for years, so its best to sort it out at the start!  Im really excited about it, although am still worried I wont be able to cope........... we shall just have to wait and see! 

Also the last time I took a job I was really bothered about I became pregnant after beingthere for a month, lol, so - you never know!!  

Sorry that was really long wasnt it but Im really excited and just wanted to tell you all!

Also Im feeling really happy now the clocks have gone forward cos its lovely and lighter in the evenings and I really feel as if summer is coming now so big fat        for everyone.. xxxxxxxxxx

Sarah

xxxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Sarah - fab news about the job - i need one like that! Hope it continues to go to plan.

Bubbs - glad you and dh have cleared the air, I think sometimes we forget to communicate with each other over all this tx stuff. I'm glad you've sorted it out.


Faithful x


----------



## lainey-lou

Yay for Cinders. What a clever girl you are  You are going to be just fine I am sure, we are all here to help you through the excrutiating first 12 weeks  Everyone else has already said all the clever, poignant things so I would just like to echo those and leave them to the better equiped amongst us 

Sarah - fab news re the job, they must love you. What an ego boost! Wow, to be so wanted, I can only dream of that  Well done you!

FFH -     let's hope Cinders BFP is the first of a long line of them. You're next 

Susie - hope you are having a good holiday. I sent you a rather self indulgent message the other day, sorry, I forgot you were out of the country. Hope the snow's good.

Bubbs - sorry you and dh had a row. I think this IF rubbish takes it's toll on most relationships. I thought dh and I had the sort of marriage that could withstand anything. Counselling has been revealing some rather large cracks in our not so perfect relationship. Probably all my fault  Glad you seem to have sorted the issues out.

Luci - how you doing? You seem to have gone a bit quiet, you ok? 

Wendeth - we all understand why you haven't posted much - it got so busy on here recently that it was impossible to read everything and then post responses to everyone. I have taken a bit of a step back too. You could easily spend all day on here, it becomes a bit of an obsession. Sometimes aswell I just don't know what to say so just read and leave the posting to everyone else. Good to hear from you though.

Hi to everyone else.

I have had a bit of a weekend from hell. Been to Center Parcs - WARNING - DO NOT GO TO CENTER PARCS IF YOU ARE INFERTILE

Everyone there seemed to have a minimum of 45 children. Felt like I was having my IF well and truly rubbed in my face. Spent most of the time trying not to burst into tears, it was awful. The weather didn't help, it rained non-stop all day Saturday and Sunday. I have had enough of this IF rollercoaster, can someone please stop it, I want to get off now.

Feel completely lost and hopeless. Can't face the thought of life without another child but honestly can't see me ever having one now. Feel I have missed the boat. I can see it sailing off into the sunset without me and I can't do a damn thing about it. I am shouting at the top of my voice for it to turn round and come back for me but they can't hear me and now I am hoarse and my voice is going and I am losing hope and strength. I am not very good at this analogy thing but you can see what I am getting at here I am sure .

At times over the weekend I just felt like throwing myself on the floor in tears and never getting up again. Pand and Missy - thank you for your supportive texts/calls, I don't know how I would get through this without you, you are both stars 

Feel awful for posting this after Cinders' good news. I know I should be all upbeat and positive but just can't see it happening for me now.

Hope you are all doing better than me.

Lainey

PS I have a new laptop so should be able to post a bit more regularly now.


----------



## jobo5572

Hello ladies.  Sorry I've been AWOL for over a week - have just not felt up to much since arrival of AF after my last round of Clomid.  Will try and catch up with personals soon but just wanted to send a big   to anyone else whose also had a visit from that nasty witch.

Thanks to you all for your lovely messages last week - it's great to "know" people that understand, instead of insensitive sh1ts like my DH who couldn't give a stuff.

WELL DONE Cinders !!!  That's great news !   Best of luck to you for your pregnancy !

Lainey-lou - I'm going to CP for a whole week in 3 weeks time  . Oh pants.

Love to everyone........sorry no personals but there's loads to catch up on....must try harder.


----------



## faithfullyhoping

I'm going to Center Parcs too in May - oh no  

Lainey-Lou - sorry your feeling so pants at the moment, I know what you mean about the boat - I feel as though I'm hanging off the back of it clinging on for dear life at the moment.  Lets hope we can climb back on.

Faithful x


----------



## lainey-lou

Oops!  Sorry, maybe you won't find it as bad.  The weather didn't help my experience and I am in a bad place at the moment.

Forgot to mention in my rant that I have a follow up hospital appointment on Wednesday.  Should get the results of the million tests I have had, although last time I called them they had all been normal  

12 May is not far away now (this is the date I should get the all clear and be allowed to start trying again).  As it is now officially 1 April I can say that I can start trying next month.  So, to continue the analogy, I am preparing my dinghy/pedalo/raft/rubber ring and am getting ready to start rowing/paddling/swimming after the boat.  I am not a very good swimmer so you may need to call out the lifeguard    Anyone got any armbands?  

Brings a whole new meaning to being a washed up has been  

Getting delirious now so need to go to bed.  Will probably dream about David Hasselhoff giving me mouth to mouth   

L x


----------



## cinders35

Think my brother's got a spare engine for his boat. You can borrow that and attatch it to your dingy thingy??
Besides.,I have just caught the boat, but I haven't got a seat yet. I'll see if I can make eyes at the Captain and get him to turn around. Boy you are in trouble if your relying on me to flirt with Captain   !!!
Sorry you are feeling so pant's Lainey.   Don't apologyse for posting about it, why the hell else is this place here?
Love to all, 
Cindersxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Lainey-lou - I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow and that you come away with some positives from it. Not long to go now until May, like you say it's next month!!


----------



## lainey-lou

I've packed some flares so they may get the captain's attention.  They are bright orange bell bottoms, look out the back Cinders, can you see them?

Thanks FFH, I will fill you in when I come back.

L x


----------



## bubblicous

hey all just a quick note from me as im off out to visit my friend

just got my day 21 progeterone level back for this month and it was 28 so nurse said its borderline so they want me to do another month of 50mg get my bloods done again that cycle and then they will decided where to go from there


hugs to all and fairydust too hope everyone is ok


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

Sorry haven't posted much.  Just been enjoying the hols with my little man!  Can't believe I've only got one more day of holiday left then its back to the grind.

Bub - sorry about the bloods and your row with dh.  I guess we all have times like that.  I'm sure it's down to the pressure you're under rather than your relationship.  Hopefully they will up your dose soon as that might be just what you need.  You've done well coping with that evil clomid so far.  Keep up the good work!

Laineylou - Aw hun.  I can really sympathise with how you're feeling.  Been there so many times.  Keep plodding flower, one day at a time.  May 12th is getting closer and at least it means you will be able to DO something rather than sitting in this limbo land.  Always here for you if you need me.  Good luck for tomorrow hun.

Cinders - how are you feeling hun?  I really hope you are knackered and have knockers from hell!  (Meant in all the best possible ways!).  Are you back from San Fran?  Might you name your little one(s) after the city?  Sam or Francis?!!!!!!!  Very beckam esk!

FFH - If you're prepared to be surrounded by happy families and lots of bumps then hopefully it won't get to you so much at Centre Parcs!  I found it hard, but the holiday more than made up for it.  I think decent weather really helps and poor Lainey had awful rain!  I hope you do enjoy it! How's the 2ww going?

Jobo - I really understand how down you must be feeling and I'm sorry DH is being so pants.  I'm sure the clomid isn't helping much.  It really knocked me for six and made me really tired and down, especially when AF arrived.  How many months have you been on it now?  The teacher I worked with was on it for 12  months... nothing. Then as soon as she stopped she got pregnant!  So try not to despair.  It is possible honest. (sorry I'm doing what I hate everyone doing to me... "I know someone who.... etc etc."  I just want to give you a little light that's all!).

Nanook - Wow.  The job sounds great!  I think it's just what you need I really do!  Can you get me a job too?  As you probably remember, I worked in Child Protection for three and a half years, and it's your passion that makes you good in that role.  If you didn't care you wouldn't go the extra mile.  You will be surprised how well you will cope honest.  It is hard but hugely rewarding and that's what will keep you going.

Angel, Wendeth and Moominemma - Hi guys!

Missyb - How are you doing mate?  How's work?  Have you got a new prescription for the clomid yet?  

Suzy - How was skiing?  Am SOOOOO jealous!  Hope the break was just what you needed to lift you.  We've missed you on here!

Luci - How are you?

Hi to anyone else I haven't mentioned!

I haven't been coming on here too much lately as I'm also trying to give myself some distance.  I think I am finally accepting that I probably won't have any more children.  I met with a girl from the Priory thread last Saturday who has been thro more than I have but has had similar problems, and she doesn't have any children.  I came away feeling so god damn lucky to have my little ds.  I'm trying really hard to enjoy life as it is, just the three of us and I'm thinking about all of the things we will be able to do together (e.g. skiiing, disney) if we don't have any more.  I know I'm mid cycle at the moment and I always feel more positive around then, so I'm sure I will dip when AF arrives early next week, but I want to be at peace with my life.  I can't fight any more I don't have the energy.  I just want to go with the flow and try to see the positives around me.  I've been so negative for such a long time.  So I've had a wonderful holiday with ds and I'm going to go back to WW to lose all the weight I've piled on and I'm going to try and drag myself out of my hole!!!!!  So I've taken a step back from here.  I still read the posts regulary but I'm not going to post quite so often and I want to focus on what I've got not what I'm missing.  I hope you guys understand that and I am here for all of you whenever you need me.  I love you all to bits and couldn't have come this far on my journey with you all.

Take care all and speak soon

Lots of love

Pand


----------



## nanook

Hi Pand

Just jumped on here quick and wanted to say Im glad youre thinking more clearly at the mo - I hope this frame of mind lasts for you as you have been so down lately - we've all been worried about you.  You are such an inspiration to us all and a lovely person... thanks for youre words re the job I so hope I am able to do well I really do - Im going to give it my 100 per cent......

Anyway lovely to hear from you chick - you keep that chin up hey.

Big hugs,  Sarah xxx


----------



## emsylou

hello lovelies,

pand-aww hun i just got a tear in my eye   reading your post you seem so strong.

nanook-good luck with your job.

jobo-im sorry to hear that the       witch turned up, lots of big   to you.

bubblicious-hey hun how are you im going to pm you in a min, hope you are ok though?

Missyb-hiya babes how are you doing?

hello to evryone else.

Sorry i havnt been here for a while i have been buisy and i am addicted to the ff chatroom, 
Well things are slowly getting better at home after evrything that my mil and dh's ex said about us the other day dh decided that he was going togo and meet his mom in town to go shopping but he hid it from me and i had to find off from his mom, grrrrrr i was sooo frustrated. 
I think my af is due next week, im not sure on exact dates as i am scared about how i am going to feel when af arrives, i normally get a bit nervous because each month is so diffrent, just the thought of my af arriving makes me want to burst into tears, its just not fair why is it that the people who want babies the most have to have a struggle to get them why cant it just be straight foreward for us all. Sorry am getting a bit emotional on you all but i am feeling very down, i dont know whats wrong with me one day i feel happy and the next i feel like i cant get any lower. 
Am going to phone and get the results from my day 21 bloods tomorrow, i have to go back on the 7th for my day 28 bloods and dh has to take another sperm sample on the same day.
sorry for moaning again.
hope you are all ok.
                             xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Aw Luci, I so know how you feel.  I am up and down a lot and get especially down when AF is on the way.  What has happened with dh and mil?  Don't think you mentioned it on here.  Sorry if it is making life more difficult.  Sometimes life seems to throw so much at us at once it is difficult to cope with everything.  I agree with you, it does seem as if the more you want a baby the less likely you are to get one.  Not fair.

We are all here for you to moan at as much as you like, keep posting, that's what this place is for.

Cinders - hey preggers!  How you doing?  When you coming home?  Miss ya  

Hi to everyone else, it is quiet on here at the moment  

I have recovered from my CP nightmare.  Feel less miserable at the moment.  My appointment has been moved to next Wednesday so no news there.

Hope you are all ok.

L x


----------



## lainey-lou

Forgot to say, Pand, you are my hero.  I wish I was as strong as you.  It takes courage to decide and move on, I can't seem to do it, I wish I could.  You never know though, it could still happen, that's what you were saying to me on Sunday about me.

I hope you will stay in touch with me, even if you don't post much anymore.  I have come to think of you as a good friend and would miss you, IF or not.

Love ya

L x


----------



## emsylou

Hello 
Lainey-lou- thanks hun, my mil and my dh's ex were in the pub after they had found out that me and dh had been having ttc difficulties and my mil has never realy liked me and they announced it to the pub and thought that they could laugh about it, i found off from my sil and was choked. And then a few days later dh went to meet him mom in town and went shopping with her and didnt tell me, i only found out because he left his phone at home and his mom phoned to see where he was and she called she said "oh didnt you know he was coming to meet me" and sounded on top of the world. Shes a right b**ch
xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## lyndalou

Fiathful             Congrats on being pupo

Bubs      Sorry you and dh are arguing at the moment. Im sure its a lot to do with this tx and drugs we are going through.
              Be kind to each other 

Nanook    Glad job going well hon. It makes a big difference if your happy at work. It reflects on everything your home life, family
              friends ect Hopefully it will have the same effect as last time     

Lainey    Sorry your very down at the moment hon. We also had loads of tests done and they all came back mormal which
              is soooo fustrating Good luck withyour app nest week x

Pand      So sorry your feeling low honey. Think you are very brave to be able to move on but sometimes when we let go things 
            happen themselves because we are soooo relaxed so you never know x

Cinders    How are you feeling? Have you started knittig yet 

Missy      how are you doing hon?

Luci lou    We all have our good and bad days hon. I think the drugs make us a bit   at times. Just come on and get it
              off your chest if your having a bad day. thats what we are here for!

Sorry if I have missed anyone x

Had my first scan yesterday and stared injections last night so all systems gooooooo!


----------



## bubblicous

morning all

what a lovely day it is here in sunny scotland     
well my af arrived this morning 3 days early    wasnt expectng her till sunday but heyho

so this means when mil arrives to stay with us fo the week i will be on day 3 of my clomid  ^beware^ what fun we are going to have 

so i phoned the nurse to find out whats to happen she told me to call when af arrived to see if im going to get tracking or just bloods so waiting on her phoning back now 

so hows everyone else this lovely day im very cheering god knows why but i am

lyndalou- goodluck with your jabs 

lucilou  -   to mil you know what i think hope your ok today   

lainey-lou - hope things go ok at your appointment  

pand - your just wonderful and im so glad your starting to feel better good luck with ww and i hope you have a wee fab holibag were hoping to go to eurodisney with our 2 this year 

everyone else                
lots of hugs too


----------



## emsylou

Hiya evryone,

Well i woke up in a bit of a posotive mood thismorning and all day i have tried to keep it up but then i have started to get cramps and all the bottom of my tummy has swollen so looks like its not to be thismonth either, well i suppose i can still hope untill my af actually arrives. 
I didnt phone and get my results today as i am not sure if i can phone or if i have to wait so i didnt want to feel silly if they said that they couldnt give them to me, so know it sounds a bit daft but i get nervous on the phone and dont know what to say  
I hope evryone else is ok today though

Bubbs- so sorry af arrived hun hope you are ok though?

Hello to all you other lovelies hope you are all ok?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx


----------



## wouldbegreat

Bubbs sorry af tuned up hope you are ok


----------



## Jo1983

Hi Ladies  

Hope you are all and we are all forming an orderly queue for the baby seat after Cinders   Love to you Cinders   

Sorry I haven't posted for a while, I find sometimes it's just nice to try and forget about IF and get on with life as if everythings hunky dory and this thread has been soooooo busy I have no idea what's happening I'm about 20 pages behind now   So apologies but I'm not even going to attempt to do any personals.

Love to you all and I'm still thinking of you even when I'm not posting. You have all been so wonderful to me over the past few months and I couldn't have managed some days without you  

Just a quick update on me......Waiting for my next af which is due tomo so I can go for my day 2 egg donating bloods. The first test of many before I can start ivf. I've been on the waiting list for ivf for about 6 weeks now so only about another 20 to go........not that I'm counting. It's my Birthday today 25 years young and I really thought I'd sit and be miserable and worry about what the future holds, but my lovely dh has bought me a beautiful black diamond ring and some Westlife tickets! My lovely ds has got me some perfume, chocolates and a lovely Mummy teddybear. I've had my dinner cooked and the dishes washed too and Birthday cake to follow. Really have had a lovely day the best b'day in years. I sound very spoilt but I'm not normally.

Take care all and hope everyone ate lots of Easter eggs!     

Love and hugs
Jo x


----------



## missyb

hey ladies sorry i have been awol for a while... ive had a mad old week and i dont know my a from my e!!

i promise i will catch up soon.


  to all that need them and im   for lots more bfp's.



happy birthday jo!! mwah


amanda xx


----------



## lyndalou

Happy birthday for yest jo x

Lainey 2  Have blown you some bubbles sweetie


----------



## emsylou

Hiya evryone, sorry i am pants at doing personals so i am just going to ssend big   to you all and sending you all lots of     and good luck.

Anyways i am a bit worried and confused   me and dh had bms thismorning and when i got up to go for a wee i had some bright red spotting, i am a worried as i have been having cramps yesterday and today, and my af isnt due till the 8th, i mean i might just be starting my af but the spotting has stopped again now and i am concerned because it was bright red. Does anyone know if this is ok? Or got any advice? 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## emsylou

Hey evryone
Just wanted to let you know that i havnt had anymore spotting and my cramps have eased off a bit now so i am feeling a bit more posotive again now.
Hope you are all ok?
xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Hi girls
just a quickie as off to have a bath and a glass of wine  Have had a right week  so am now off to chill with hubby and watch some cr*p on tv 
Hope everyone is ok? 

Could you all please have a look at the 2ndry Chat thread Poll I've done, and let me know when we can get this started? 

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=135689.0

I think it will be great to get in the chatroom and possibly discuss things we might not wish to post on here 

I know some of us have really been struggling at the moment, so it might be nice to get in there and have a good old 

Everyone is welcome! It would be nice to catch up with everyone's news.
I'm available some daytimes (am pretty flexible) so if it's easier for you in the daytime, for those who have little ones at school then let me know. If evenings are better, again I'm open to suggestions.
I'm looking to do just an hour, but if you like we can extend that.

If any of you fancy a natter yourselves, do try the chatroom, you can have your own room etc, (when the new chatroom launches) 

Something to think about 

Lotsa love to all
Gayn
XX


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

Just a quickie today and no personals so hi and love to everyone! 

Just needed a bit of a moan really.  Yesterday was my due date for the baby I lost in September.  I don't expect it to mean anything to anyone else really, but I did expect my dh to care about it.  After all it was his baby too.  But no, he completely forgot about it.  If I hadn't mentioned it he wouldn't have said anything at all.  He told me he had put it in his Palm thingy but hadn't had time to switch it on!  I'm just so upset and angry at him.  He knew how important it was to me and I was really hoping he would do something to mark the day, or to try and make it easier for me.  He has never shown any emotion about anything that has happened over the past two years (except for getting slightly upset at the hospital during my mc), but last week when his boss implied she might block his promotion he was in a right state.  I can't help but think his job is more important than any of the hell we've been thro.

Flipping men.  As it happened I was ok for most of the day until he upset me.  Then I had a good cry thinking about the baby I might have been holding and the one I'm never likely to have now.  Just feel really hurt and down.

Sorry for the whinge, but need to  let off steam somewhere.

Love 

Pand


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Dear Pand

     I'm so sorry sweetie but glad you've finally got this date over.  Men are completely useless at this emotional stuff, I suspect that my DH would have been exactly the same. I'm sure he does care but just deals with it in a different way - perhaps burying himself in work is his way of dealing with it.  Hope you're feeling a bit better today.

Faithful x

PS Hi to everyone else, 

Luci-lou, sorry you had a bit of a scare, I've never had this but I'm sure there's probably an explanation for this. I'm glad it's gone off now.


----------



## Jo1983

Dear Pand

  I'm sorry you're dh is being insensitive hun, I'm sure he does feel upset but maybe is dealing with it in a different way........my dh tends to bury his head in the sand and hope it all goes away but expects me to deal with it all on my own as he is never in the mood to talk about it. I really do think it's just the way men are I don't think they mean to be the insensitive gits that they are! Im glad you got through yesterday without getting too upset and hope you are feeling bit better today hun  

Luci- Don't think we have spoken before- glad you're spotting and cramps have eased off now.........I used to spot after sex all the time...still do sometimes. Con said it was to do with my cysts that I get on my ovaries when I ovulate but I'm not so sure.  

Hi to everyone else and big   for you all xxx


----------



## lyndalou

Pand    Men just dont think the same as we do. things dont effect them emmotionally as much. Im sure he feels really bad that
          he forgot but try not to dwell on it and be there for each other loads of nice big  Sorry its such a sad day
          hon take care of yourself


----------



## cinders35

So sorry Pand  .
Tried to text you, but have run out of credit!
Shed a tear for you Pand.
Love
Cindersxxx

p.s sorry for lack of personals. Buy luci, I used to get a lot of spotting mid cycle, and pre af. They didn't really put it down to anything and is quite common, but probably best to get it checked with GP.


----------



## missyb

hi pand... im so sorry about dh... like the other girls have said men think so differently to us girls.. they find it hard to show emotion in the same way as we would. i know that doesnt help much but itis true... it's not just your dh. i know it must be hard too when you have helped dh with his work issues.

you know that we are always here hun.. xx 


hi luci.. glad the spotting has stopped.. like cinders said i would get it checked out hun!

hey cinders.. how are you doing sweets?

hey gayn.. i voted re the chatroom..you might have to pm me and tell me what i have to do to get into the chatroom as im a techno divvy!!

hi jo1983 how are you? im so with you on trying to forget about IF and ttc... i just wish i didnt want it all so much xx 

hi lainey-lou.. how are you sweety.. thanks for the txt reminding me that susie was away! did you get the car sorted? i got mine back yesterday.. it cost £770!!! will be thinking of you next wed  

hi lyndalou... how is it going with the injections?

hi bubs... im so sorry af arrived hun?    did you and dh sort things out?

hi lainey2... how are you?


as for me girls i have been in so much pain today with this blooooody ovary.. im not sure if af is gearing up or if my cyst is back.. all i know is im fed up!! the clomid has turned me into the bride of dracular and im fed up of going thru all of this month in month out... i just want to know that it is or isnt going to happen!! i dont want any more people poking around in my bits... or having to take drugs to stimulate this which have side effects like alopecia and insommnia!! 

ok rant over as im worried about sounding like the crazy cat woman from the simpsons!!

i hope you are all feeling better than i am!

amanda xx


----------



## bubblicous

pamd - ooh hunni men eh        for you hope things get better soon

luci -hey hunni  

missy - think u need a massive    though your rant did make me giggle   hope the pain goes soon

everyone else hows things were all afwul quiet recently eh

well as for me im just in from work im shattered needing my bed though i know when i get in it im gonna have to have some  as mil arrives tomorrow so no   for a week 
took my 2nd clomid no side effects     nothing much else going on im my wee world today xx


----------



## lyndalou

missy Injections going ok hon. Scan tommorow hopefully will see loads of lovely follies gowing.
Sorry your in a lot of pain. Hope it settles down soon. It horrible what we have to go through. All those drugs and 
being poked around like a plucked chicken but it will be worth it in the end. Try to stay positive this could
be your month!

Bubb Hope you enjoyed your  Make the most of it [dont think i could shag if Mil in house] shes got ears like a elephant!
and a butt like one too 

just been out building a snowman [looks more like the elephant man] and had a snow ball fight [great fun] need a hot choc and warm fire now.


----------



## SUSZY

Hi Girls             
Well I am back from my travels!! have missed you all.
I had a great time skiing , seeing how the other half live, up a mountain and only saw one preg woman and heard one baby - bliss!!!!!
It was really good and ds was brill on the slopes - think I need a bit of work on my parallels but still.
Woke up this morning and could not believe the snow every where and we had a lovely time as a family on sledging, we are quite high up here and it was great fun.
had a letter re nk cells I am negative to that so no more tx although we can have a chat with her tomorrow another 5oo down the drain!  Go tomorrow at 2pm to the hossie to get clotting results and another chat with the consultant still no word from the tests on the embie but to be honest i have learn the hard way not to expect much from these appts. we still go for fet in May.
I would like to say i have been treating my body as a temply but I have been eating and drinking some lovely stuff and feel very rested.  despite my mind still being in turmoil i feel strangely calm if that makes sense.  not looking forward to school tomorrow but will be nice to get things sorted as well.  i have missed you all and its nice to be back.

Cinders                    s pleased and happy for you darling - well done you give us all hope.
I know you will be feeling difficult as Lainey, Pand and anyone else who has had a bfp feels it so hard, you feel caught between a the devil and the deep blue sea, like you want to emphathise with us as you can but as you say you are at the top of the pit and you just want us all to be with you but until we are there its so hard.  we are here for you sweet. Got a great title for your book from the de newbies! Also have you seen the competition

ffh - good luck on the 2ww oh PUPO lady, keep up with the PMA, it is good to have another BFP on here dont forget we have had a few but with some very sad results but we would love to have some more.

Lainey 2 - hope you are doing ok

bubbl - hope you are doing ok 

jobo how are you sweetheart hope you are ok

missby - have missed you sweetheart, hope you are doing ok, so relate to the whole clomid thing, really does it drives you nuts
i am back so we need to have a chat  here for you as ever and can we all come to your wedding!!!

lainey - i so relate to all you say re bfps and the whole roller coaster of IF but dont forget we are all here for each other, I am here for you any time and i so know how you are feeling darling.  If you ever want a chat you know where i am.  The 12th of May will be here before you know it. sometimes feel like i could have written your posts!  you have been through so much darling.

pand - hi sweetheart as ever so relate to what you are saying and feel a bit the same so probably wont post as much as I have been, think as some of us have been on here for 18 months or so we are a bit weary and  a little break now and then does us no harm.  we are still here for each other and are watching what is going on but just dont always have the energy as it were. so sorry dh not realise re the date, their excuse as ever is that they are busy at work but then you are too.  so here as ever for you.

luci lou - hope you are ok

nanook great news re the job, sounds like they really want you and no wonder you are pleased, its sounds fantastic and I am so pleased for you and wish I could get a job like that.  good luck and keep us posted.  Thanks for being a great friend and support.

tuck - hope you are ok and have recovered from the so called friends keep us posted, we are here for you

jo83 hope you are ok sweetheart thinking of you

lollipop hi hope you are doing ok

moon how are you sweetheart what are you up to.

dizzylou keep us posted

angel83 hope you are ok, thinking of you 

lyndalou good luck with this next tx

wendeth - not sure if you still read on here but Hi to you have replied on another thread but was so nice to meet you, just wish we could all meet up.  i am still going for the big meet up in Stratford at beginning of May so would be lovely to meet up with you.

gayn - would love to chat more just not sure what is the best time for me, pehaps a diff time each week a quick vote at the weekend to decide whats best.  great idea though and hope you are ok sweetheart

reetpetite here for you as ever sweetheart hope you are feeling ok

I am sure as ever there are some I have forgotten not intentional.
I have missed you all and will be here a bit more than i have but not as much as before if that makes sense.
thanks as ever for all your support, we all know exactly how we all feel which is so lovely.
                   
all my love
susie


----------



## Jo1983

Ladies,

How are we all on this lovely Monday morning? Not sure why I'm so cheery as I'm still at work and all the snows gone   Hope you all had a lovely wkend.

Suszy........how lovely to hear from you hun, so glad you had a lovely holiday, I completey understand about you not coming on as much, I've been trying to get on with things and not come on here as much.......but I do miss you all    

Hope everyone else is ok I'm far too tired to contemplate personals. My bed is calling....it has been since I got here at 9pm last night    Have a super week all.

love and   to you all

Jox


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Morning girlies

Suszy - welcome back hun, it's so good to hear from you.  And you're straight in there with you long list of personals - polish that halo girl.  Glad you enjoyed your skiing, I know what you mean about lack of prg women and babies - it's bliss up those mountains isn't it.  Hope you get on OK with test results today, but I know what you mean, sometimes it's best to go not expecting too much so as not to be disappointed.  

Jo - Hope you got some good sleep.

Hi to everyone else, I've lost track a bit of everyone I'm afraid. i will catch up I promise.

Faithful x


----------



## bubblicous

morning all just a quick note from me

well mil is here things are ok so far   

as for me on day 4 of my clomid seem to be ok a wee bit tired and a bit irritable but apart from that im fine

school holidays so the girls are both here with me think were going to go for a walk shortly to the shop and perhaps the park 

got to start my sisters wedding invites today though as my mum is getting on at me for them so need to do that maybe this afternoon

i cooked a really nice meal last night was well proud of myself cooking again tonigh woohoo im getting better at this cooking stuff

well im off

hope everyone is ok     to all


----------



## emsylou

Hi evryone, 
Well af is due today, got a few cramps and signs that its going to happen anytime soon, but my boobies feel diffrent to normal, they are sore but very swollen this month.
hope you are all ok?
xxxxx


----------



## emsylou

Hi ladies, just thought id let you know that its not to be my month this month as af has just arrived, i am feling so upset i just burst into tears when i went to the loo i feel like such a failiure, i think it is more upsetting because i know that we need tx like my cons said, if we want a baby so i suppose i was stupid to think that there could have been a chance that we could do it naturally. Theres no way that we can afford tx, so am absolutly gutted why cant it just happen. I had my bloods done earlier and kept thinking well i could be pg so this may all be a waste of time, but i suppose i shouldnt think silly things like that, i only get my hopes up to be brought straight back down. Sorry i dont mean to babble on, but i dont know who else to talk too as dh doesnt feel the same as me i dont think he fully understands, i just get the  usual hug and kiss and then he expects me to just forget about the fact that i have to go through this for another whole month, i just dont know what to do, theres no options for us, well non that we can afford anyway. To make things worse im having a realy heavy and painfull af aswell so the   is making sure she realy rubs it in. I asked dh if he fancied going out for a meal to try and take my mind off things but he moaned and said that he is too tired, so i suppose i will just have to stay in again. I know i am lucky to have my two beautifull girls and they mean the world to me they realy do, but i crave another baby so badly, i would do anything to have morning sicknes and even more stretch marks and the sleepless nights, but its always the people that want the most that have to wait the longest. Prehaps i am just supposed to be happy with the family that i have got.
Sorry for moaning.
xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## bubblicous

luci - your not a failure hunni your not i will pm you shortly


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Lulu - Really sorry hun  . We're all the same every month, and then get cross with ourselves for thinking it might happen and getting our hopes up.  I'm thinking the same about me this month after having iui, I know there is a chance but I don't want to have to deal with the let down, because it's more likely not to work than to work. Take care.

faithful x


----------



## emsylou

hi ffh and bubbs, thanks for your msgs hunni's xxxxxxx
ffh i hope your iui does work for you babe keep thinking posotive xxxx


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls
Just a quick update.
Had appt today and the clotting results came back ok.  He is informed us that the results of the test on the embryo came back (I think he was surprised as said they would not learn anything) and that it had Edwards Syndrome and was a boy.  Its very sad but its nice to know there is a reason, he says he thinks Edwards is more common in m/c than perhaps we realise.
There was not much else to say with him, whilst there I was hungry for info but when I came out I just had tears streaming down my face.
When I got home I rang Dr Quenby in my slot and she said my lining was really good and there was no reason why the FET should not work.
We go on 25th April to sign the consent forms and as my af started today I work my day 21 to be on my 44th birthday 28th April so am going to phone Bham to see if I can get the drugs delivered earlier and then start injecting so ET will be mid May.  All a bit weird as when I had Ds they used my bday to work out the due date and my first m/c was due on ds 2nd bday if this goes ahead we may well end up having it on Ds 7th btday but that is real wishful thinking.
I think it all suddenly came home to me today how close FET and that this is our last chance.
I also had a long lovely chat with Ang today, she is doing really well in her beauty room/business.
Not much else to say really.
Suppose I will have to stop drinking wine again!
Take care my lovelies
Susie 
Love to you all again.


----------



## tuck

Hi all 

Soz been absent for a while.

Susie,  - glad that you got the news that your clotting results ok and things looking positive for your FET in next few months.   .   re. the results on the embryo, as you said nice to know the reason but still must be difficult for you ..

luci lou sorry not your month this time darling.

bubbs,  how things going with m-i-l?

Pand big understanding hugs to you   re. dh and your due date.  Mine is coming up next month for my 2nd ep lost also last September.  I really don't think the men get it the way we do.  My dh barely acknowledged my 1st due date which was 1 week before 2nd ep and i don't expect this one will register either. In fact he seems to flinch everytime I mention the 2 lost babies or anything to do with fertility problems. They just seem to look forward not backwards, but we understand and I feel for you i really do.  How are you doing now, i guess your back in the swing of work following easter.  Take care.x

Mrs Chaos, i also would be interested in  chat night but like someone elso said would need instruction as last time i tried to get into chat room nothing happened.

Cinders I hope you are doing well and your fab news is sinking in.  It is so positive and i'm sure gives us all hope.

Hi and    to everyone else on here trying naturally and going through treatment.

Me well I've had a strange few weeks.  Seen more of the pg posse which seems ok at the time but gets to me afterwards.  Plus got really upset last week as we had made the decision to ttc this month but i c**ked it up.  Dh works nights so bms have to be scheduled as I work, have ds and he leaves at 8:00pm - so romantic, such spontanaiity NOT....Well i don't have regular cycles and don't use temps, opks etc so only way i know I'm ovulating is the signs my body gives me well, I really messed up and by the time i thought i may have been ovulating it was too late, then the next day we rowed.  So despite initially having reservations about ttc again i was in pieces when i knew i messed it up.  May have to wait another 3 months now as i only have one tube and my cycles are longer than average... oh welll time to lose some weight.

Heard from that 'friend' and felt very patronised actually so I haven't responded.  She has not been through anything similar but still felt qualified to give me some advice - probably being ultra sensitvie but at least she replied.  Also had same old same old yesterday, took ds to 'gymastics' I was only mum there without a baby in a sling, on a breast or in a car seat  also ds started new playgroup and i stayed as was his first session and 2 of the kids had just had babies born over easter so they were talking about brothers and sisters - very sad but you all know the score.  In fact i think it may suddenly be getting easier cos its always to be expected now and in a funny way i'm getting used to having an only child when noone else seems to,if that makes sense, sorry i'm waffling.

I'll try not to leave it so long next time.

Tuckxx


----------



## jobo5572

Hello ladies

Sorry not posted much recently...been a bit busy...and sorry for lack of personals....so much to catch up on.

Big   to all of you that have had BFN's recently.  It's pants isn't it ?

Well I have to say that having not had to take Clomid this month I do feel more human, though still gutted that I haven't got anything to help me on my way.  In any case I had a friend down to stay last week bang on the right time for BMS so know we'll have no chance this month  .  DH was on nights just before this time so no chance of any BMS at the right time or just before.  

Getting really concerned about my DS.  Not sure if it's a normal 3 year old thing or if I'm just over-sensitive to the IF situation and my desire for a sibling for him - anyway, he keeps getting really upset about things "on their own" - like he won't leave any toys on their own, he was sad to see animals on their own at a safari park we went to last week, and this morning he wanted to turn off the TV in my bedroom when I left the room so that it "wouldn't be on it's own".  Do you see what I mean ?  They are just some examples of what he's doing. Am I just over sensitive to it or what ?  The friend I had to stay last week has 2 kids (doesn't everyone ?!) and he was so excited to be in some other childrens company and so sad when they left.  I really feel for him and feel it's all my fault that he doesn't have a sibling  .

I started a new job last week (same organisation, different department) - would you believe I have been given the laptop of a girl who's just gone on maternity leave, am sitting next to a girl who's just returned from maternity leave and had to have an induction with a PG woman who's due in June ?!?!?  It's everywhere I look/go and it's beginning to do my head in.

My next appointment with the consultant is on 9 May - if I'm not PG by then (which I won't be 'cos of lack of BMS !) then apparently our only next option is IVF which we'll have to pay for as we already have one child.  We haven't got any money and DH is of the opinion that that's that as we don't have the money.  I on the other hand would rather be up to my eyeballs in debt and sort it out afterwards - how I don't know.  At this stage (from what I remember the cons told us last time) it's all dependant on DH   - if he has good quality & quantity we can try IUI (I think - artificial insemination he called it), or if he has poor quality/quantity we have to go for IVF (where they'll stick my eggs and his tadpoles together to form an embryo I presume ?).  We've been told the former will be about £500 a shot whereas the latter will be £3-4K a shot.  You guys probably know a hell of a lot more than me on this....I don't think I was listening properly at the last appt as I was so sure I'd be PG before the 6 months ran out.

Just feeling so pants about the whole thing.  Sick of being surrounded by PG women, and am getting more and more upset the closer my son gets to his birthday as it's yet another years gap between him and any future sibling, if any at all.  He's such a sensitive little chap and I hope I'm not subconsciously making him feel "on his own".  It's also 2 years since we've been ttc which I appreciate isn't as long as some of you ladies, but to me it's yet another year out of my life with no positive result and feeling thoroughly miserable  .

Sorry girls....that was a bit of a moan...sitting here at work with my mind on other things, as usual !

Lots of      to all of you on the 2WW.

Cinders hope you're feeling OK.

 to all

Jo


----------



## lyndalou

Hi Suszy  Welcome Back hon. Fet this month fab news x

Jo  Try not to worry about your ds too much. It might just be that he is a caring little boy and wants to look after everyone.
      Kids go through funny stages and I think its easy to blame the fact that they are only children. he might be doing exactly
      the same thing if he had loads of siblings.


----------



## cinders35

Hello everyone,

Jo, your post explains just how I feel about dd! But I do think we tend to read too much into things to tell the truth. You know my heart felt a little lighter the other day when I read a thread on the relationships board. One of the ladies had posted a question to ask if anyone had been an only child, and how had it been? The answers were far more positive than I could ever have hoped for. You should all take a look.
If I was clever I would put the link up, but not feeling very clever!!!

I am having a wobble, had some spotting yesterday. That seems to have abaited, but have had LOTS of pains today, particularly in the cervical area,   ouch!!! Anyway, phoned clinic, and they are going to scan me tommorrow. Feeling numb, but deep down petrified that it's over before it's begun!

To text friends, I have no credit STILL! Forgot to get while out today!

Love to all,

Cindersxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Cinders - Sorry you're having a little scare. Hope all goes well with the scan tomorrow hun, will be thinking of you.    

Everyone else - Hi i did type quite a long post earlier but lost it, going to bed now so will catch up later in the week.

faithful x


----------



## Jo1983

Hi Everyone  

Cinders.....everything is crossed for you hun.....thinking of you   

Jo...... I'm sorry your feeling down hun, I have been on the waiting list for ivf for about 5 weeks. It was such a hard decision to make as we too cannot afford it. I have decided to egg share it brings the cost of my tx down to £1000. Have you thought about this at all? You can pm me if you like hun.  

Love to you all  

Jo
xxx


----------



## wouldbegreat

Hi

Cinders hope all goes well for today honey i am thinking of you  

jobo  sorry to hear you are having a bad time egg share is an option and allot cheaper not that i know anything about it but have been told by others give jo a pm no harm in asking even if its not for you .Hope you don't need  it and get a bfp soon  

Suszy great to see you back at least you got news it must be  hard hope you are ok  

Tuck sorry you missed this month it is hard keeping up with it all i am bms every day   my persona has been red since day 6   and i ov day 20 so its keep going for us   .I see you said it will be another 3 months with only one tube i was wondering is this because you ov on alternate sides each month   i was just wondering as one of my tubes was difficult to mend and had 2 clips on and it was my best one (thats why they put 2 clips on ) so may take a little longer to work ? sorry to be so rude but it did make me think when i read your post as i hadn't thought about it before  

Luci honey you are having a bad time at the moment sorry to hear about your af we are all here for you  

Bubb have you   the mil yet lol hope the clomid is not treating you to bad  

ff hi hope you are ok  

Missy b sorry to hear you are in pain and feeling p** sending you some    ps thanks for the advice  

 to anyone i forgot  

I went for my appointment on Monday final 1 to see con and i got their and he was held up in op at another hos and couldn't make it they didn't know how long he would be so i had to go home as it was i still didn't get home till 7pm  It cost me £43 for boat as i live on isle of wight  and diesel,food,drinks etc all about £65 . And his sec didn't even bother ringing me up yesterday as they knew i had concerns (they rang when they wanted me to have it done example  my money ) When i got their the attitude wasn't great i felt like i was in the way and keeped moving me about as they said i was in the way too because they had other clinics aswell ( i had my children with me )and they made me feel bad about that i was taking up too much space  .I do understand someones life was at risk that i don't have a problem with but when i said its cost me alot of money to get here they snapped at me and couldn't give a s*** they will when i complain and ask for a refund on boat .  attitude i feel . I don't blame the con but i do blame the hospital for the awful attitude towards the situation .

Thats my rant and rave  over lol

I am on cd 14 and using my persona it has been red everyday since cd6 so its bms everyday for us just in case i miss it as i have been known to have irreg af but if like last month i should ov cd20 .

I do feel a little let down at mo and hope the op doesn't let me down too  

                              wouldbegreat


----------



## cinders35

Just a quicky update, got to go and get prescription before collect dd.
But thankyou all for support.
Scan showed one pregnancy sac, in right place, right size for dates. They couldn't see anything in it though, but said that it is possibly too early for that. Have spent at least an hour being reassured on peer support re that fact!
So I am going back a week tommorrow for another scan.
More waiting, praying and hoping...
So grateful to be still in with a chance!
Love to all,
Cindersxxx

p.s Lainey2, sorry to hear about rubish attitude of clinic .


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Cinders - Hang on in there hun


----------



## emsylou

Hi thanks for all of your support re my af it is such a good help having you girlies here to talk to.
Sorry no personals again but i promis i will do some soon.
I woke up today with a bit of a spring in me step, feel like i am determined to make things work, i called up the hospital for my bloods results and they said that they cant give them to me over the phone but i have an appointment for the 15th june, i feel so much better about that because last time i had to wait three months for the results, have got a buisy month next month, have my driving test on the 12th my apt on the 15th and my 3 year old dd is doing her first ever tap and ballet show at the town hall on the 17th, so have got lots of things to take my mind off evrything thats going on, ooh and we got a cheque for £1500 today for dh's compensation so that has cheered me up a bit, we are going to use it to buy me a car, so that was perfect timing realy.
Hope evryone is ok,
Cinders, i will keep my fingers crossed for you hunni, i hope evrything is ok at your next scan.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## lyndalou

Cinders  Hang in there hon Glad scan looked good. Stay positive hon 

Lainey2  Think you should demand compensation £65 down the drain Sorry you had a bad time x

Luci    Glad your sounding chirpy and happy at mo x

Love and fairy dust to everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Scan this morning was good. need to drop meds as E levels getting high. Another scan Fri and then hopefully date for EC x


----------



## bubblicous

well im still alive for now  

mil is away out for her dinner with her inlaws thank god says me as dh and i can get some peace and hopefully some    whilst shes gone

things up till today had been fine but today shes been picking away at me  saying i need to watch what i eat i dont want to be putting the weight back on, the girls are awful nosy the girls run in and out alot etc etc so im glad shes not in tonight and tomorrow nite im working so thats good

took my last clomid yesterday so just need to wait ans see if ov occurs

sorry for the lack of personals but going to make use of this alone time


----------



## wouldbegreat

Lyndalou thanyou for your support good luck on friday with your scan


----------



## Jo1983

Yay Cinders  

You hang in there little one and grow grow grow....... 

 Jo xxx


----------



## jobo5572

Everything crossed for you Cinders


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Morning girlies


Well didn't make it to test day once again   well and truly arrived this am.  I knew it was happening last night so had a good   last night and this am.  Have walked dog and had a good think and feel a bit better now.  All those extra hormones in your body really don't help do they?

Feel like I'm coning to the end of the road, DH isn't keen to keep pursuing treatment. But we're going to do iui again straight away so got baseline scan booked for tomorrow. I really don't hold out much hope but if it's meant to be....


Anyway sorry for the me rant

Faithful x


----------



## cinders35

Oh Faithful,
Sorry hun, so disappointed for you.   You must be gutted. 
Wish I could say something comforting, but alas there is nothing...
  
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## Jo1983

Oh Faithfull  

I'm so sorry hun    

Jo xxx


----------



## jobo5572

So sorry Faithful     .  You moan all you like.  Wishing you loads of luck for the next IUI     

Jo


----------



## lainey-lou

FFH- so sorry hun, we don't seem to have much luck on here (apart from Cinders that is  )  Good luck for this month.  I really hope it works this time.  Fingers crossed.  

Lyndalou - good luck for this cycle.  We cycled quite close together last time.  I hope it works this time for you.  Grow little eggies  

Cinders - I had LOADS of cramps when I had DD and last pg.  Kept thinking AF was coming and doing frantic knicker checking (you know what I mean).  It is, apparently, the muscles stretching to accommodate your new passenger so I wouldn't worry too much about the cramps, they are normal.  Re: spotting, loads of people have spotting, could it be implantation bleed?  The good thing is that they saw a sac of the right size.  I am something of an expert on all of this after my recent trials and tribulations and I know that 6 wks is too early to see a hb, sometimes they can but generally they can't.  By 7 weeks you would expect to see a hb but even then it could still be ok if there isn't one - the embie could have taken a long time to implant.  You are certainly in with a chance, I would say a good chance.  The blood could have come from the other embie, which had implanted but didn't survive??  Don't know, just guessing.  Don't give up hope, I still believe in you   

Susie - good to have you back.  I see you have had the same experience as me, I was told my baby was a boy too      and that he had an extra chromosome.  Hope you are feeling ok about it all, it is hard to know whether to be relieved it is a one off or upset that there are no answers.  Good luck with the FET, it has come around quickly.  There is no reason why it shouldn't work, it did last time  

Bubs - sorry you have the MIL staying, never great fun    Hope she is not driving you too mad.

Tuck - sorry you missed the boat this time, it is always the way, we always seem to have trouble fitting in BMS at the right time.

Pand - Men eh!  I am sure DH is upset really.  Perhaps he feels he needs to be strong for you and so doesn't focus on his own feelings too much.  Glad to hear you survived the due date, I am dreading mine.  Mine is 19 June, not far away now.

Missy - hope you are doing ok and are feeling better than when I last heard from you.  You do make me laugh though, only you could make a miserable situation sound like something from a comedy sketch.  Love ya x

As for me, I had my appointment yesterday.  All bloods normal (still waiting for chromosome results though).  Cons said I can start IVF at his clinic as soon as I am given the all clear by oncology dept.  He did suggest that they might give me the all clear now if I begged but I called them today and that didn't work.  They sort of said I could try but that I wouldn't be able to have the all clear from them until 12 May as planned.  So, will wait the extra month, not worth taking any chances and it is soooo close now.  Hoorah!

Car being fixed (again) tomorrow (£800, whoops), good job I have an understanding dh  

Love to everyone else too - Luci, Nanook, Jo, Jo, etc.

Lainey x


----------



## dustyrose

Hello ladies

Can I join your thread? I've been a lurker for a bit --sorry! xxx

Shell


----------



## missyb

hi ladies!

just a quicky from me as im so pooped and im sure this msg wont make much sense!

hi faithful   so sorry af arrived. all the best sweety for your next iui  

hi susie.. thank you for the lovely text this am.. you are such a fab ff. thinking of you hun xx

hi lainey-lou... ouch £800.. my car cost an arm, leg and vital organ to fix! glad i made you laugh hun..only 1 more mth to go hun and then theres no stopping you!  

hi bubs how is it going with mil? do you need rescuing? xx

hi lulu.. how are you sweety? glad you are feeling a bit better  

hi jo1983 i know what you mean about the £ but i know it'll be worth it when you get your bfp x

hi jobo.. how are you doing?

hi pand.. thinking of you as always xx

hi cinders.. hope that you are well sweety and that you are relaxing as much as you can... praying for you hun xx



as for me im just waiting for the witch to arrive and trying to curb the urge to take home all of the hpt's in the department and use them!! im on cd25 so 1 more day than last mth... accoording to the opk im not due on till sunday... this 2ww has driven me  

love to all


amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Hey all,

Welcome Dustyrose/Shell. Sorry you are having problems ttc, it aint half pants!!! Glad lap went well, and you have made good recovery. There might be a really good chance of concieving now that you have had that, so best of luck, and make sure you have plenty of   !

Missyb, maybe this is the one...       

Lainey, what have you done to the car this time??!!!!!! 
Thankyou for your lovely support  . Am cracking on with PMA again now, but I know my knees will be knocking again at the next scan!!!

I hardly told anyone about this ivf cycle, 3 of my friends knew, and 2 colleagues at work, but 2 of my friends have told me today that they have told other people about my bfp!
Bit gutted, as most of my family don't know yet   !

Love to everyone,
Sorry for lack of proper personals, but whacked as we are up half the night due to jetlag  .

Wishing you all hope, luck and  

Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

awww cinders.. that sucks.. some people cant keep their trap shut!!!   glad you are brimming with pma though hun... it helped you get pg im sure and so it will help you thru this...      

sorry.. how rude of me i forgot to say hi to dustyrose... you have come to a fab thread! the girls on here are amazing and have got me thru some reallt pants times in my life.. welcome to the madhouse!



amanda xx


----------



## cinders35

Thanks hun!

Have everything crossed for you    

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## missyb

thank you sweety.. this 2ww has been tough and im dreading going back on the clomid! dp has been reading the se's he is sooo looking forward to me taking them again!!


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls
hope you are ok
sorry for not posting that much but dont have the energy any more to do long personals but its hard not to as dont want to just post about me all the time or leave others out.

dusty rose - welcome to the thread - its a bit weird at mo as there are 25 of us as you know but not all posting at mo as its very tiring to do personals all the time -  let us know your story sweetheart.

cinders - good luck sweetheart - we are all rooting for you and it will work out for you darling you know it will.
I can so understand how miffed you are at others telling your special news - think its a bit off really 
sweet you of all people do not have to apologise for not doing personals

missby  - here for you as ever darling and good luck - clommid is not good for ones mind, body or soul but it does work for some and hope its you - woke up in a foul mood yesterday and in a good mood today and wanted to share the latter as does not happen that often - sometimes when its a bit warm and I catch the smell of new mown grass I realised despite the s h i t I have been through I felt happy!

lainey - thanks sweetheart - to be honest it was you that prepared me for knowing the sex and as ever its ff that prepares me for everything I have been through the last few years .  Whats happened to the car? when i was away dh moaned at spending 600 on my car and 900 on the oil - 

ffh I am so sorry sweetheart  you have had such bad luck sweetheart - here for you as ever

pand - thinking of you as ever, i know its tough honey and as ever I am here for you I really am - we will survive

hi jobo , iui about 750 and ivf 4500
jo 83 hope you doing ok]
lainey 2 thinking of you too
tuck - how are you sweetheart

love luck and light to everyone else
love
susie


----------



## dustyrose

Thank you so much for the warm welcome!!!


----------



## SUSZY

Hi girls
Had a few too many again last night and I am supposed to be cutting down!
Well had two lots of counselling yesterday and it seems to be working!
Off to a Reiki weekend leaving this pm and back Monday so really looking forward to that and hope it does me some good.
Just wanted to wish you all a lovely weekend to say I am thinking of you all and hope that its a good one for you.
I will send you all some healing.
thanks as ever for all the support
love you all to bits
susie


----------



## emsylou

Hi lovelies,  sorry havnt posted for a while i just wrote a whole list of personals and lost it but will write more again tomorrow now sorry, am feeling so much better about evrything and feeling more posotive.
Hope evry one is ok?
         
To evryone
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

Just wanted you all to know Im still here just not much to post.  Enjoying having ds off and are having a lovely time with him.

Missy sorry I must have overstepped the mark with my pm asking you about that stuff as you havent replied. I didnt mean to pry I was just interested about it but it really was none of my business so sorry if Ive offended you in any way.

Love to you all
Sarah x


----------



## missyb

hey nanook what pm hun? im so sorry hun. dont ever think you've offended me sweets. ive checked my inbox and i dont have it. when did you send it?? you can ask me anything anytime hun xx


----------



## nanook

Missy - god only knows what happened to that then!!  didnt save a copy either which is a shame cos it took me ages to type! what am I like eh?  Oh well as long as I know I didnt offend you thats good was beginning to worry a bit xx


----------



## missyb

oh sweety! i pm'd you.. not sure if you got it... im paranoid now! if you remember what you wanted to ask me.. pm me and i'll answer straight away! i get so worried about upsetting people as im a right old worrier..


----------



## wouldbegreat

Hi i just wanted to let you all know i have changed my name .
Im always worried about offending peaple it takes me ages to post or text 

Hope you are all well have a great weekend 
            
                                                  wouldbegreat


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## missyb

is that lainey2?? lol xx i think it's a good thing that we worry about offending people.. we all know those people who dont care or think about what they say and the offence they cause (they are usually the ones that make the '... do you think you're trying too hard..' or at least you have children..' type of comments!)


----------



## wouldbegreat

yes it is  
I am the most sensitive person and don't know how peaple can be so out of order and not give a s*** what they say to peaple i think we are all the most caring peaple on here


----------



## missyb

im quite sensitive too and i think i worry far too much.. we are a wonderful caring lot. i have been on the site for over a year now and can honestly say ive made some fab friends... i hope we all get to have a meet up soon! hopefully it'll be when cinders has her baby.. i bags first cuddle!!


----------



## wouldbegreat

Oh yes that would be great wouldn't it


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone,

Just a quickie this morning to say I haven't deserted you all!  I do keep a track on the posts even if I don't post myself!  One of the golden girls asked if it is still ok to keep in touch.... YES YES YES!  i wouldn't be anywhere near sane if you didn't!

I'm not going to do loads of personals today, but will probably catch up another time.

Just had a really bad week this week.  Girl at work brought her baby (the one due the same time as I was) and caught me completely off guard.  Cried for hours on Monday night and again last night.  Thought I was getting over it and it appears I'm not.  Just feel like everyone else's lives are moving on and I can't.  Am very worried I'm slipping into depression and really don't want to take tablets (had PND with ds).  

Any advice from you lovely ladies for how to drag myself out of this hole?  Any natural ways of coping?  

Love and hugs

Pand


----------



## missyb

aww pand sweetheart   it must be v hard especially if you've had pnd and maybe recognise the signs, though that in itself is a good thing as it means you are aware of it (if that makes sense?) i know that you dont want the tablet route but what about kalms or rescue remedy?? 

i dont know how you coped with the girl at work especially as she hasnt been very sensitive about it all... all i can say is someone once said to you (your dh!) you are stronger than you think... i know that that is true as a lesser person would've broken a long time ago.   hun.


amanda xx


----------



## missyb

just to update you!!!

af arrived this am after i wrote my last post!! she is such a cow... i thought she might have forgotten about me... but alas no she knows where i am every month! ah well at least i made it to 27 days this time as opposed to 24!


----------



## tuck

Hi girls,
How are we all, its just started tipping it down, we've been clearing out the garage, great joy, getting rid of all the rubbish to make room for more.

Pand, I'm sorry you're feeling down not helped by having the new born coming into work  .  No wise words I'm afraid, its wierd sometimes I feel fine and sometimes it all hits home and hard again - dep who i'm with and situations I'm in. I hope your dh is being supportive and can help you out of this.

missyb - sorry the   arrived, mine is ready to visit and  can sense her just round the corner, though expecting her as i well and truely messed it up this cycle.  fingers crossed for next month  

Hi nanook, good to see you back again, glad you been having fun with your ds, they really keep you going don't they

luci lou glad ur feeling more  

cinders so glad to hear your news at the scan heres looking forward to seeing more at the next one, its still so early isn't it, amazes me they can see anything at all.

Lainey2, good you've got a date to ttc again, its seems an age away at first but now it will be upon you soon.  

Suszy hope you're doing ok hon.

Welcome dusty rose

Wouldbegreat - thanks for your message, yeah your right the reason i say i will have to wait a few months again now is that i do still have 2 ovaries, so if i ovulate from the wrong side, i'm not in with  a chance, although i did have my 2nd ectopic this way    Generally we ovulate from both sides but not always right left right etc it could go r, r, l,  or any variation really.  I think my dominant ovary is my right from which i conceived 3 times bit frustrating now though cos there is no tube for the egg to go into though of course really useful if i do ivf which is why they leave the ovary in ectopic patients now, used to take it away.  BTW I have also read that if you ovulate from the 'wrong' side there is a 25% chance each month that the other tube will waft across and pick it up so who knows....  Good luck with ttc.

Hi to bubbs, jobo and anyone else i missed

Well take care everyone and hope your having a good weekend.

Tuckxxx


----------



## lyndalou

Just a quickie from me. Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Have EC on Tues morning  they gets loads of nice eggies.

 fo everyone x


----------



## cinders35

for tues Lyndalou!

Hello to all,    

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## Jo1983

LyndaLou

     

Jo
xxx


----------



## lyndalou

Thank you girls x


----------



## bubblicous

hey all

im back woohoo         

so mil went home this afternoon          so im now free to use pc whenever i like and i can walk about my house im the nude if i want to (not that i do but hey i can) 
shes away just intime for mararthon bms to start though dh is sitting his hgv driving test tomorrow so not sure there willl be much               tonight

im not sure what cd i am but theres lots and lots of cramp here so fingers crossed its a good thing 
im sorting out my sisters hen night just now not fun its costing a fortune 

lyndalou - goodluck for tuesday babes  

tuck - we spent the day clearing the garden from rubish its great fun aint it hope you are well babes 

missy -        sorry the evil     got you babes xxxxx hope you are ok 

pand -                              i hope you feel better soon i like going for walks when i feel down have you tried that i had pnd with 2nd dd dont think i really recovered from it i came off anti d but was put back on them in 2005 and only got off them in early 2007 was a hellish time 

luci - lou hey hunni im about to pm you hope you are ok

everyone else sorry if i have missed you                        to all


----------



## nanook

Hi Guys

Missy - thats ok hun dont worry it was all to do with the job and child protection stuff re what you went through with dd xx Didnt mean to worry ya me old matey!

Pand -     to you babe I know its really hard for you and im sending you positive thoughts     and   for you xx

Hi to everyone else - soz no more personals but Ive forgotton what I read - drunk far too much wine last night at a friends and think Ive lost half of my brain today! lol.

Ive been waiting in ALL day for a sky engineer to call who should have been here before 1pm. Ive phoned them 6!! times - bloody time wasters!  Im getting a Sky + box for nothing cos I threatened to leave them the other day and theyve credited my account with £30 for messing me about today but Im still annoyed with having my time wasted like that! AARRGGGHHH...........

Looking forward to another week off with ds - nothing planned and skint too but its just nice going to the park and stuff isnt it!?! now Im driving too Im really loving it.

Anyway sending lots of love

Sarah
xxxxx


----------



## lainey-lou

Hi Girls

Lyndalou - good luck for tomorrow lovie      

Missy - sorry the witch arrived.  Shame she never forgets about us    Have you got your Clomid ready for this month?

Pand - as someone who suffers with depression and is seeing a counsellor I might be able to help with some tips    Firstly, try keeping a "grateful diary", listing three things every day that you are grateful for, eg - ds's smile, dh giving you a cuddle, the sun shining.  This helps remind you of all the good things in your life.

Also, draw up a list of all the important elements of your life, eg - dh, ds, hobbies, work, exercise, friends, etc and make sure you are devoting equal time to all the important things.  If you are not allowing enough time for say dh, think of ways of redressing the balance.  My counsellor said that at the moment I am devoting all my energies to the one area I am getting nothing back from, ie trying for a baby, and this if making me unhappy.  If you spend more time on the good things it lifts your mood.  Does this make sense?  It seems to have worked for me (a bit anyway).

Bubbs idea of walking is a good one - not only does the exercise lift your mood but being in the sunshine, around lovely countryside helps too.  Need any more tips, pm me.

Bubbs - glad you survived mil visit.  Good luck with the  

Cinders - what day is the scan?  Still feeling positive?  I am still full of hope for you.  

Susie - glad you enjoyed the skiing.  The break probably did you good.  This cycle seems to have come around quickly.  

Hi to everyone else.

I have found out that a mum at the school is expecting no 3.  She is going to be 43 when the baby arrives and apparently her and her husband are "done with girls" (they have two already).  I want to punch her stupid smug face.  I know it is spiteful but I really hope they have another girl.  How dare they say something like that?  At her age they should just be hoping for a healthy child and should be thankful that she even got pg.  It makes me mad.

There has also been a big falling out in the playground involving one of my friends.  It can be such a *****y place, it is like being back at school, I hate it.  She is so upset, one of the mums is blatantly blanking her.  I feel really sorry for her.

I am ok apart from that.  Car all fixed (again) and looking sparkley and new    AF arrived so this is my last cycle of not being allowed to try    

Love to everyone

Lainey x


----------



## dustyrose

Hi everyone,

Thank you for the warm welcome. I can't begin to tell you how relieved I feel to have found fertility friends and particularly the secondary infertility thread. There are so many of us--why don't I know anyone that is struggling after having children already? You  all seem to support each other so much and really get what it feels like to absolutely detest the WICKED AF WITCH!!!!

You ask my story...its not an interesting one, sorry. I've been with my husband for 8 years, He's from Italy and I am from New York State but we've lived in London since we met. We got married and found out we were pregnant few days before our wedding day in 2004. We had been trying for a couple months and third time was charm. It was the scariest and most exciting thing for us as we really wanted to start a family. I come from a large family of 6 siblings and 10 nieces and nephews--so having lots of kids is something, I guess, I took for granted and expected to come easy. When our daughter was one we started trying for another and have been trying ever since. I dug my head in the sand about our fertility for a good year and a half. It was quite easy to because our life was really stressful. My SIL was tragically killed and two months later my father found out he had liver cancer--it was a year of hospitals & planes & funerals--travelling back and forth to America. We also moved home. I think I lived on autopilot and looking back I don't even know how we even managed BMS.  I often tried telling myself it was the stress that was keeping us from another baby. But when things started to settle down this autumn and still no baby--we decided to investigate and seek fertility help. I was diagnosed with Endo which was an incredible shock for me. It put me into depression for a few months. It wasn't just the stress afterall and this left me feeling so hopeless. However, Ive had my lap and have been feeling so good that Im determined to keep faith that something will happen this year for us. I feel like one of those punching bags that children have. Keep getting punched and then right back up for more! ha ha ha! Im doing acupuncture and taking supplements and hope to start exercising this month (waiting for AF to arrive-- Im 41 days today. Its bad enough Im not pregnant--two tests were negative-- but then the witch goes off on holiday too which messes up my cycles completely!!!) We've been told that the next 6 mths we stand a 'good' chance and I've asked Dr about getting on Clomid in the next few months and see if that will do something for us. If not, then we may start IVF in August when I finish my part-time job. If Im being very honest, Im not really this positive--Im a mess inside but I feel like if I lose perspective--it will just make it worse and take longer. Not to mention that in the short time of my DD life, she has had a sad and stressed mummy & daddy for most of it. This breaks my heart and makes me feel a bit cross that life turned out this way. The thought occurred to me the other day that if we could have just gotten pregnant, the stress of everthing else wouldn't have been so hard. But life has its own plans and Im coming to accept this. Im done blaming, God, myself, my fertile friends, my Drs my parents.  I know this isnt personal even though sometimes it really feels like it is. We are very blessed to have our DD and a strong marriage and to have kept our sense of balance. I've simplified my expectations of life to Good health, family, a roof over our head and food on the table. Anything else really truly is a bonus.

Anyway, thats boring me. If you are still reading thank you for letting me share my story. I hope to get to know you all more too. I dont get online too often but will try to keep writing and reading. I can't thank you enough for just being here. 

Wishing you lots of health & babydust xxxx Shel


----------



## nanook

Hi Shel

Youre story wasnt in the slightest boring - we have all been through similar experiences here so you have definately come to the right place.  Sorry about your sil and your dad that must have been a truly hard time for you and with all this fertility stuff on top you must have really struggled.  Your perspective now seems positive and thats a good thing - like you I am just accepting that if it happens it happens and if not then thats something I have to accept. However with hormones as they are that strong point of view gets waylaid at times and this site has been the complete tower of strength for me - the girls on here are amazing and all seem to know exactly how I feel when nobody else does.........

Looking foward to getting to know you better, and dont give up cos you never know; we have the occasional bfp on here and it makes you keep going, trust me!

Speak soon
Sarah
xxx


----------



## wouldbegreat

Hi shel  

You have had a hard time im sorry to hear but you have come to the right place for support and friends who understand . It does you so much good to be able to let out how you feel on here .Im so glad you are feeling   good luck with your journey and thanks for sharing it with us  
                                                          Wbg


----------



## dustyrose

Thanks Nanook & wouldbegreat for the warm response and welcome!

Finally the WW arrived. I never thought I would be soo happy to her but finally life can go on.!!!!

Sorry to hear AF arrived for you Missyb. 

lainy-Lou that is really some good tips on staying positive. I too am in counselling, well today is my last day after a very long year of going. What a great support it can be.

HI Pand, I know we don't know each other but Im thinking of you and hoping for brighter days ahead for you and family.

Cinders--congratulations on your BFP and scan! 

Hello to everyone and hope u all have a nice day today.

Shell


----------



## emsylou

Hi ladies sorry i havnt posted for a while, have been thinking about you all though.

Missy-    Im sorry the   found you again.    

Lyndalou-good luck for today, hope evrything goes well for you hun.  

Shel-hi hun, just read your post, am sorry to hear about your bfn and that she has decided to alo have a holiday, i know what you mean about your dd seeing you miserable, im always miserable around mine and i dont realise until i stop and think about things. 

Bubbs-hey babes hope you are ok, glad to hear you survived your mil's visit, will pm you later hun.  

Nanook-hi hun hope you are ok? and enjoying your time off with your ds.  

Lainey-lou- aww hun am sorry to hear about the ungreatfull cow at the school, your right she should just be greatfull for what shes got wether its a girl or a boy.  

Tuck-hope you are ok hun?  

WBG-hope you are ok hun?  

And evryone else if i have missed you out sorry but   to you and ope you are ok?


Well as for me, have been feeling really posotive and have been trying to forget about ttc and been trying to make it fun again, but saw my friend last night and she said that her af was late and she wa going to do a test this morning. Well she called in this morning on her way to work and told me about her news well its what i realy didnt want to hear, i know i should be realy happy for her, but i am so unbelievably jelous aswell. She didnt plan to get pg she was taking the pill on and off messing around with it, one day she would want to get pg and then another day she wouldnt want to, it makes me so mad. I feel like all of my posotive thinking has been taken away again and now all i can think about is ttc again, i really wanted a nice relaxed cycle this time and didnt want to constantly be thinking about how badly i want a baby, but now i am feeling stressed about ttc again and getting upset.
Sorry about the moan, but hubby doesnt understand how i am feeling. 
Lots of      and   to you all


----------



## jobo5572

Hi all

Just a quickie as I'm at work with lots of prying eyes.  Just needed to talk really - a colleague has just popped in with her 4 week old baby boy and promptly came over for me to have a hold of him  .  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her, but to hold a baby so small just made me so upset and I could cry as it just drums home what I'm missing out on.  Also, my best friend locally is only 2 weeks from her due date and keeps asking me to help out with her 2 other kids (both under 4) as she's struggling - again, I don't mind helping out, but it just makes me feel so sad when I am surrounded by PG women and people with more than 1 child as I so desperately want a sibling for my DS.

Sorry, moan over.  There's only 1 woman at work who knows what's going on in relation to my IF so in all fairness to people, they're not aware that I'm slightly over-sensitive to babies/PG women.

Big   to you all.  Sorry no time for personals.  I must get on with work.

Thanks for listening.


----------



## loobie75

morning FF - im down in the dumps too, im at work DH is on his days off so him and DS are playing in the park - its not fair!!!

my positive optimism counts for nothing.  been to hosiptal this morning and typically of me i have something they can't fix.  they can try to treat anything except lining of womb, it is half what it should be mid cycle.

i have been told no more treatment as there is nothing they can do.  been giving a less than 5% chance of conception.

feeling very sorry for myself but will have to pull myself together, will carry on reading posts and wish everyone lots of luck getting BFPs, i wish i was joining you but im going to stop being optimistic it dunt work,

i will carry on with the selenium just in case but not getting hopes up anymore

GGGRRRR


----------



## faithfullyhoping

hi all

Dustyrose - welcome, your story sounds too familiar!! I'm glad you've found us and we can all have a good moan together. 

loobie - luce - I'm really sorry about your diagnosis hun, do they think it's the same every month, or don't they know that? I didn't realise that they couldn't do anything about the womb lining, it must be a horrid shock for you  

luci-lou -   sorry you're feeling sad about your friends news.  I think it really is the hardest thing. I absolutely dread any of my friends telling me their pg. 

Pand - Sorry you're feeling so awful again. Laineys advice sounded pretty good, i think I might try that too. You will get through this.  I'm feeling as though I'm coming to the end of the treatment road soon too, and that scares me so much because it means i've got to accept life as it is and carry on.  

Cinders - hope all is well for you with the scan this week. 

Hi to everyone else

Faithful x


----------



## lainey-lou

Awww girls  

Dusty - welcome, sorry I didn't say that before.  As FFH said, your story sounds all too familiar, we are all in the same boat on here.  Glad you have found us, we are a friendly lot  

Loobie Luce - sorry about your diagnosis.  As FFH said, does this apply every month?  Is it worth a second opinion?  Surely they can do something about it.  

Luci lou - I know EXACTLY how you feel.  I can happily plod along not thinking about ttc and then BAM! someone will announce a pg out of the blue and it sends me into a downwards spiral.  Why can't people stop getting pg?  Especially people who do it by accident, that really rubs salt in the wounds.  Sending hugs your way  

Jo - sorry you are also surrounded by super fertile people, they seem to be everywhere.  It is hard having a lovely wrinkly newborn thrust at you, it just reinforces our feelings of failure.  Sending hugs to you too  

FFH - I feel I am coming to the end of the road too.  I think I will have one last round of IVF and then call it a day. I had thought about having two rounds but now I have so little faith in it working I can't be bothered to waste my time with two.  I will probably change my mind though  

Cinders - how are you?  Stay positive, not long now         

Pand - how are you feeling?  Hope my tips helped a bit.  

Missy - long time no post, where are you?  Hope you are ok.  

Susie - how are you sweetie?  DS back at school now?  Hope you are keeping busy, I know I am  

Lyndalou - hope it went well today.     

Hi to Nanook,  Bubbs, Jo, RP, wbg, etc.

Love Lainey x


----------



## tuck

Hi to everyone 

Well blinkin af turned up as predicted but she kept me waiting for one day.  Despite messing up with timing of bms this cycle and knowing that only by a small miracle i could be pregnant, i still allowed myself to dream, stupid, stupid, stupid.  I'm ok now and looking forward to next cycle and losing weight in between times just   don't ovulate on tubeless side but probably will... so negative!!

lynda lou, I hope everything went smoothly for you today  

bubbs - hope you're well and making the most of no mil.

Nanook, I've got nothing but negative experiences with sky customer services either, hope all sorted now.  enjoy your week with ds.

Lainy lou, can't say i envy you the school gate conversations, i've got all that to come all too soon, will be very sad when ds goes to school.  re. woman who is done with girls   itotally agree with you...

Shel, thanks for telling your story, you've been through a lot, i hope you contiue to post here as long as you need to..

luci lou - don't apologise, hun its so hard when some people don't even really know if they want one and then  they are pregnant. not surprised you are upset but try not to get too stressed.

jobo so sorry about your experience at work, its so gawddam hard when faced with this situation,  I have a girl at working leaving on maternity in a few weeks, she is due 2 days before what i would have been and I am going to book a/l on her last day as i can't face it all, i also will keep a low profile when she brings the baby in.  try to keep   

loobie luce, sorry to hear your news, is it just with the clomid that your womb lining is thin, if it is then maybe a few months off it and eating and drinking things to help with this, you maybe in with a chance naturally sorry i don't know too much about it.. 2 of my friends (twins) who hadn't had regular periods in years tried acupuncture and it awakened their  fertility organs so to speak they got normal periods, first in years and both got pregnant.  don't know if its linked but the lady said something about increasing blood circulation to the womb to build up the lining so it may help - just a thought...

Cinders - how are you doing i hope you're well and that everything goes well with your next scan  

Hi Susie, hope you are ok

hi to all i missed. take care

Tuckxxx


----------



## emsylou

Thanks evry one for all of your support, you are all such lovely people, no one else understands how it feels because i have my dd's they think that i should just be happy with what i have got and i am i truily am, but it doesnt stop me wanting another baby.
   
Love em xxxxxxxxx
ps i changed my user name.


----------



## bubblicous

morning all

emma - aww babes   its crap when we get those annoncments i hate it im dreading the next one ive snet u a wee pm    

tuck - hows u we deff have been making the most of it   

lainey - hows things with u xx

jo - aww hunni i hope you are feeling a bit better now thats nice of you to help your friend out shes gonna have 3 under 4 shes gonna have her hands full 

well as for me dh and i have been making the most of mil being away and being in our own bed  ive had mild cramps much tha same as last cycle so me thinks no ov this month perhaps the clomid has to go up i have blood next week to decided
anyway dh and i have been forgetting about bms and just having amazing dirty sex (tmi i know) but we were so deprived with mil here 
anyway dh is now injured  so no more dirty sex or bms for us for a few days   so thinking we have perhaps missed this month

but hey bring on the next one

i have decided to have a very positive attitude towards all of this ttc i know it will happen and one day we will get out little baby it may not be until 2009 now but he will come and he will be gorg 
i just know he will


----------



## lyndalou

Just a quick one from me! Had ec yesterday we got 16 eggs waiting for phone call to see how many have fertilised. 
Will let you know. 

Hope evryone is ok x


----------



## wouldbegreat

Lyndalou thats great honey good luck                              

I am a bit stressed still waiting for ov and we have already had bms 17 times this month    i want to stop now but can't as it may be still time my temp still keeps going down so cant be over yet   

no ov pain yet and my persona is still RED   i might buy the clear blue fertility monitor so i know high and low the persona has only red or green days and 16 red days hasn't helped much and i am one determined lady so i won't stop having bms till it goes green   even when it knows your cycle you can still have up too 12 red days  

Ive got to say dh is doing fantastic bless him its a good job he fancies me rotten   TMI

Bubbs glad to hear your having some dirty bms  

Tuck sorry af turned up she is a b****  

Nanook hello hope you are well 

Emma hi i keep getting the you don't want to try to hard or it won't happen one .I think it doesn't work if you don't try sorry me being sarcastic opinions are great aren't they keep strong honey  

Sorry for anyone i forgot i went to a party and their was a pregnant women their due in 11 days and she was so excited bless her she had lost one at 13 weeks too it was funny every child their decided to stick ballons up their jumper to look pg and the topic all afternoon was birth babies and pregnancy me and dh couldn't believe  

Love to you all wouldbegreat


----------



## cinders35

*SEVENTEEN TIMES ALREADY?   * 
    
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## wouldbegreat

Cinders lol is that allot   we haven't finished yet   i am convinced i haven't ov'd yet so hey ho keep going  

At least you made me smile   i have just bought a clearblue fertility monitor off ebay brand new in box ready for next cycle so i don't kill dh off with 17days of bms hopefully it will be less with monitor  

Persona is just red everyday since cd 6 so not much help and made it worse by saying red day i was convinced i was going to miss it hence 17 times  

I will keep it wrapped up in case i don't need it but at least i have got one now  

hope you are ok cinders and good luck on friday honey


----------



## cinders35

Hope it stays wrapped up  ! With *17* times it ought to!  

Scan is tommorrow hun, after searching the boards  naughty me, am absolutely petrified and more or less convinced I have a 'blighted ovum.'
This is when the embryo stops developing, but the pregnancy sac continues to grow .
Lainey will tell me off for being so negative, but I have wound myself up like a coiled spring and I can't help it anymore .

Sorry to be .

One more sleep...

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## dustyrose

Hello all

Hope your Wednesday is going well so far. ladies. All this talk of dirty BMS is getting me all psyched up for this month of trying! ha ha ha. Good on you girls. At least TTC doesn't have to be boring and mechanical for all.  Mother in laws can definitely bring out a rebellion!

I've just had a playdate where my friend has told me she plans to try for her third in June. I felt my neck and face go red so I guess I couldn't hide my shock and jealousy even though I said "HEY! That's great!". She was working out when I should fall pregnant too and was convincing me that to do it now isn't the right time because to have baby in January is depressing. Bless her, if I had the _*fantastic*_ _*option *_of planning a pregnancy, maybe she has a point about January. Unfortunately, with infertility I dont get to choose and it may not come at all. Oooh, the bitterness is so strong I can taste it. I probabily do myself an injustice not telling friends it upsets me when they make comments like this. Instead of asking them to refrain from their helpful advices or pregnancy planning, I sit there and join in on the conversation with complete over-enthusiasm when inside I am dying slowly. Its my own fault. Im too prideful to tell anyone how I really feel or to show them my vulnerability. I guess its self-preservation. Anyway, playdate is over and at least I have advance warning of an inevitable pregnancy announcement.

Cinders, was thinking about you today. I don't know if this will annoy you or reassure you (I hope the latter) but my DD at 6wk +2 days was not in her sac yet either at the scan. However, at 7 weeks we had another early scan and there she was! I completely understand how nervewrecking the waiting is for you and hubby. I pray that you find good news soon and can start to feel a bit more at ease.

17 TIMES? Thats probabily how many times we've done it all year!!!! I don't think we are trying hard enough after hearing this! ha ha ha!!!!! 

I completely understand Lainy-Lou and feel your anger. I have a friend who just found out she is having a boy and really wanted a girl. She was devastated and very open about it with me. I grit my teeth the entire time I reassured and consoled and gave empathy....her ignorance and ungratefulness is something that I will never really understand but then again, if things come easy you dont appreciate them fully. Sad we are talking about children here.

Anyway, before I get too depressed, I shall say Good evening to you all. Im still not that experienced with writing personals and everyones names. So for those I am not responding to, very sorry--still learning!

xxxxxxx


----------



## missyb

hello my lovlies just a quicky from me as im pooped and dp needs to get on the laptop.


cinders sweetheart im thinking and   for you for tomorrow. i so hope that you are wrong. please let me know how you get on. im at work tomorrow (as most days! but i do keep checking my phone)

i will do better tomorrow or friday and tell you about the giant penis cake i have to make!

lol


amanda xx


----------



## Pand

Hi all,

Sorry for not being about too much lately!

I will do quick personals:

Missyb - Giant penis cake?!!! I used to make and decorate cakes too!  How much more do we have in common?  You must fill us in!

Dustyrose - You are a much better person than me hun. If someone moaned at me about wanting a boy and having a girl I WOULD  commit some serious violence!  Welcome to the board and thanks for your kind words.

Cinders - Hun, have texted you and with you all the way.  I really hope you are just being negative and that tomorrow brings you some happy news.  You truly deserve it.  Love and hugs to you and dh.

Wouldbegreat - 17!!!!!!!!!!!  I can't be arsed with 1!!!!!  I think you may have set a FF record!  

Lyndalou - 16 eggs is fantastic.  Well done you clever girl.  Let us know how many fertilise.  Will keep fingers crossed!!!!  It's a nerve wracking wait, so I'm hoping lots of them get jiggy with it.

Bub - am so jealous... dirty s*x... what's that?  You mean you have fun?? What an alien concept!  Good luck and stop beasting the poor man!

Tuck - sorry the old witch turned up hun.  Hope you're not too down.  I know how you feel about never knowing if you're ovulating on the tubeless side!  Hope it's the good side this month.

Lainey-lou - Thanks for your lovely advice.  I will try to follow it.  You have been a wonderful friend and helped me through some tough times.  Here's looking forward to your tx and please god let it work.  You are sounding so much stronger and I'm glad you've fixed your car!!!!!  Think you need to wrap it in bubble wrap!

Faithful - thanks for you lovely words too.  Coming to terms with the situation is hard, but we will get there if that is what is meant to be.  Always here for you. 

Loobieluce - that's awful news hun!  You must be utterly gutted.  I can't believe that they can't do anything to help.  Why don't you post on Peer Support and ask for similar stories with positive outcomes or for advice as to whether anything can be done.  I think the acupuncture sounds like a good plan.

Jobo - I'm so sorry for you.  I had similar experience last week with a baby that would have been the same age as the one I was due to have.  It totally did my legs.  We understand your pain on here and are here to listen if you need to sob.

Nanook - I haven't read all of the posts for the last week so how is the job thing going?  Good to hear from you. 

Susie - I know you read the posts hun and that you are trying to give yourself some space, but I want you to know that I think of you alot.  Hope everything is progressing well and that you are on track for tx.  Lots of love to you and family.  We miss your posts on here but understand why you need to take a step back.  

Hi to everyone and anyone else I've missed!

Sorry about being so down last week.  I really did hit a crisis point.  What with the girl at work bringing her baby in on Monday and then my mother having a go at me for sending her a family photo album with no pictures of her in it, I finally hit rock bottom.  But as they say, when you're at the bottom, the only way is back up again.  I know I am in danger of sliding back into a depression again, but I am going to do everything I can to drag myself out of it.  Have booked a counselling session for tomorrow and am going to see a homeopath next Tues.  If none of that works, will go back to GP.  

As for ttc, I think both dh and I have pretty much given up.  He's away this weekend, which is the "right time" for this month, so even if I am ovulating on my good side, it's not going to happen.  I think we are pretty much decided no more tx.  We can't afford it and we both feel it isn't meant to be for us.  Miracles can and do happen, but not usually to us!  Still never say never.  So, down but not out.  

Speak soon girlies, love to you all.

Pand


----------



## SUSZY

hi sweethearts
Hope you are all ok
just be catching up but as ever by the time I have read it all and had a few glasses of wine dont always have the energy to do personals.
I am here for you and think of you all all the time and am here for you all esp the golden girls,
I am still on schedule for doing FET if they let us after we have signed forms next week 25th April  but dont hold my breath too much in case something goes wrong.
I am less than two weeks away from my 44th btday and at the mo my story that I cannot put totally on here reads like a soap opera - cinders really could write a good chapter about my life these last few months and hopefully it will all come right.
my reiki residential went really well and I feel very inspired to do more healing, reiki, meditation and feel I am here for a reason that hpefully will become apparent - i do kind of think I have been through this 2ndry if to be here and support everyone and to learn stuff and we are all here for a reason and that we keep coming back to learn it - i know that seems a bit heavy at mo but that is the way i am thinking at the mo - i so know what you are all going through and have been there and got the t shirt but at the mo I have been given a few distractions and focuses not on the whole infertility issues.  I am really believing that meditation, relaxation, might be able to help me - I feel inspired about angels, reiki, meditation the whole thing and hope to put some of that down the internet waves
signing of now and will be back soon - i have not gone mad I am just trying to find reason for the way things have been going recently the recent twists and turns have been a bit weird but all i want to do is find an inner peace and to be satisfied and self suff and happy
lots of love and light and healing as ever to you all
love
susie


----------



## Wendeth

Cinders, just wanted to let you know i am thinking of you for your scan today.    

Wendeth


----------



## cinders35

Afraid I bring bad news guys.

Thankyou all for your support, but it would seem that it was not meant to be for us.
The scanning lady didn't have to say anything, the silence was deafening as we held our breaths and stared at the big black hole on the screen, where we should have been seeing our baby.
I am so so sad.
Love Cindersxxx


----------



## tuck

Oh Cinders my heart just goes out to you. I am so so sorry to hear your news.  
There are no words. After everything you have been through too, go gently on yourself and know that we are all here to support and help you in any way. Take care

Tuckxx


----------



## Jo1983

Cinders
I have pm'd you hun.

My heart goes out to you , I am so terribly sad for you and your family,   sending you the biggest cuddle  

I'm not sure what to say, as words won't help......but you know we are all here anytime of the day or night.

With love to you all.......you are all in my thoughts. Take it easy  

Jo xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Mrs Chaos

Cinders I am so, so sorry sweetheart  I am gutted for you 
Please know we are all here for you.
Sending huge 

Take care
Lotsa love
Gayn
XX


----------



## loobie75

Cinders I am so, so sorry, i could cry for you really am gutted for you 
Please know we are all here for you.
Sending huge hugs - i can't do those symbols else id send lots

thinking of you it must be so hard at mo, i don't know what to say but you are in my thoughts

love from luce XXXXX


----------



## dustyrose

Cinders, 


My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time. So sad to hear of your loss. It just isn't fair.

So many gentle hugs,

Shelli


----------



## nanook

Cinders

What can I say? I am sending you      - am completely gutted for you babe.  

Best wishes, love and hugs to you and your family

Sarah xx


----------



## jobo5572

Cinders

So so sorry for you  

Big      

Thinking of you.

Jo


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Cinders - Words can't say enough    

Faithful x


----------



## wouldbegreat

Cinders i am so sorry honey    we are all thinking of you and am really upset for you


----------



## lyndalou

Cinders  I just cant beleive what iv just read. My heart goes out to you. 

I have ET tomorow morning unless we get a phone call. 14 ferilised 8 didnt make it so latest news is 6 but they seem to be dropping off fast.

Love to everyone x


----------



## cinders35

Thank's everyone.
Your support, and knowing that you all understand means the world to me, it really does.

Lyndalou,

It's YOUR time now.
Let's see if you can't get this show back on the road.

*GOOD LUCK FOR EMBIE TRANSFER!!!!!*
                                               

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## whippet

Cinders gutted for you both honey wish this didnt happen to such deserving people     

Lyndalou best of luck to have 6 in your corner is still fab honey   

As for me bricking it for tomorrow after our zero fertilisation on IVF god I hope ICSI tomorrow bring us better luck feel sick at the prospect.

Good luck and   to all

Whippet x


----------



## lainey-lou

Cinders.  You know where I am if you need me.  Can't believe this has happened to you  

Lainey xx

 

Oh, good luck Lyndalou


----------



## bubblicous

cinders honey im so sorry for you both


----------



## moominemma

So sorry to hear this Cinders.

Emma x


----------



## SUSZY

Cinders -               as you know am so so gutted for you.  Despite what i wrote the other night it is just so unfair the run of luck us 2ndry girls have had, I know there has been so many more m/c on here it just seems we get hope in the form of Pand to be dashed so cruelly and then Lainey and myself and now you Cinders.  What is He doing up there to put us through this to give us the hope and then to snatch it away again. They say the souls of children in heaven chose who and when they come down perhaps we can only hope that our babies are still up there waiting and yet most of us are near the end of our tethers and not able to handle much more.  Anyway thinking of you darling and here for you if you need me.          

missy how is the clommid doing honey

pand - how is school sweetheart - sorry about what you are hving to go through there seeing the baby etc must be like torture - I am still avoiding them whre I can!

gayn hope you are ok, any news on the 2ndry chat??

reet -hope you are ok sweetheart, thinking of you

angel 83 - hopeyou are ok 

lollipop - hope you are doing ok

lainey - how are you sweetheart - thinking of you as ever, how is the car>

would be great 17 times not sure i manage that in two years!

Lyndalou - good luck with ET today

FFh - how are you sweetheart thinking of you

emma - Hi hope you are doing ok

moom - hope you are ok 

bubb - good luck with the clommid

whippet - good luck for the icsi sweetheart  

tuck - sending you lots love love

nanook - any more news re the job

jobo - lots of love to you

dusty rose - hope yo are ok and thanks for sharing your story

loob - hope you are doing ok too

wendeth - hope you enjoyed your birthday 10 days til mine!

jo 1983 - hope you are ok

                          
                 
Well I am away again this weekend but taking dh with me visiting a friend with one child so that will be nice.  he just been in and said instead of shouting at each other about our problems we should try and do something about them - so I said counseller and what we need to do is sit down and decide what we think our problems are as dont think they are the same.  i also dont think he realises quite what a sod he can be to live with and that I feel inside beaten down from it all - anyway hopefully the weekend will be good and I can start to feel nice towards him again.
Lots of love and light to you all again.
love
Susie


----------



## emsylou

Cinders i am so sorry hunni.


----------



## cinders35

Thank's. Feel so empty today.
Empty sac. Empty me.
Cx


----------



## cinders35

Anyone ever thought about adopting a second child?


----------



## cinders35

I am definately home alone here today!

Did you guys know there is a new board "Moving on" for those with children?
Not sure if I am moving on yet, but nice to have somewhere to go if/when I do.

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## dustyrose

HI Cinders,

How are you today?

I have thought a lot about adopting but Im a bit scared to be honest on how it will affect my daughter and also my husband doesn't seem too keen. But it may be something we think about in the next 5 years.

I have seen the moving on board too. 


Anyway, 

Im out to the post office. Thinking of you and sending positive energy today. xxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Cinders - I've thought about adopting, but I think it's something you can't really get your head around until you've decided that you're at the end of the road.  I've kind of put it on the shelf and will come back to it in a few months I think.  Like Dustyrose says i think my main concern would be whether it would be a positve thing for my dd, because at the end of the day that's all that matters. 

Lyndalou - hope eggs stay strong.

Whippet - all the best for E/c today.


Going for scan in a bit to check how many follicles.  Really don't think this is going to work, but just feel I need to go through the motions. Bizarrely I feel fine about that though! 

Faithful x


----------



## lainey-lou

Afternoon all  

Cinders - I think we have discussed this at some length before.  I am so up for adoption.  DH and I always said we would have one and adopt one but after dd was born I decided I wanted another one first    Seriously wish now that we had stuck to plan A as it would have avoided three years of agony.  Are you thinking of that route now?  When we spoke before I think you weren't keen.  Sorry you feel empty, life sucks    

Susie - I feel the same as you, can't believe yet another of us has had a m/c (don't forget EC had one at the end of the year too).  What is going on?  This is not right surely, we are a very unlucky bunch.  Hope you enjoy the weekend.

FFH - good luck today    

Lyndalou - good luck to you too    

WBG - 17 times    I think DH and I have done it 1.7 times this YEAR.  And dirty sex?  What's that?  DH's idea of dirty sex is not having a shower before we do it      You must be getting my share that's all I can say.

Tuck - sorry the old witch arrived  

Hi to everyone else.

I am starting to feel that it is not even worth me going for another round of IVF in May when I get the all clear.  I have been waiting for May for six months and, now it is approaching, feel like I can't face going through IVF again.  Even if I get a BFP I will probably have m/c no 4 so why bother?  Cinders' news has just left me feeling that the whole thing is pointless.  

Anyone else feel like that?

Or just me?

Lainey x


----------



## Jo1983

Hi everyone

Cinders........ I have definately thought about adopting, me and dh had a long talk about it when I got my results from lap and dye. We decided that as dh has no biological children we will try ivf maybe 3 or 4 times depending on the money situation, more for dh than myself and then if we have no joy look into adoption. I think I would always wonder what if ? if we never tried ivf though, so it's worth a try I'm guessing. I totally agree with other ladies in regards to how it would affect my ds. A close friend of ours decided not to go for any tx and they went straight for adoption. They now have 2 gorgeous boys aged 3 and 5 and are a lovely happy family. Thinking about you hun xxx   

Lyndalou........good luck,       

Love to everyone else
Jo
xxx


----------



## lyndalou

whippet Best of luck for fab fertilisation x

Cinders Lainey lou and Suszy Just wnted to send you some      

Had phone call from clinic this morning to cancel transfer. They have decided to try for blast transfer on Sunday instead because
embies were looking good this morning[ 4 grade 1 8cell] and another couple lagging behind. Have ot to trust that they know whats
best. It will be a nervous couple of days 

Love and hugs to everyone x


----------



## Wendeth

Cinders, i am so so sad for you.  I can't imagine how empty you must be feeling.  i wish there was something i could say but i know there isn't. So i'll just send you a huge tight warm and loving cyber hug and wish i could make you a cup of tea and sit and chat with you for a while.  you will find your soul again soon, and you won't feel so empty, but it will take time. This is so very hard for you, and for all of us travelling along side of you, we all feel your pain and disappointment and sadness but we are all here to be with you too, and to support you.  

love Wendeth


----------



## Jo1983

LyndaLou

All my fingers and toes are crossed for you hun, keep in mind that the clinic know what's best and blast transfer so I understand has higher success rates (at my clinic anyway)

Big   and   for you

Jo xxx


----------



## cinders35

Fab news re blast transfer Lyndalou!!!

Go embies           

I have just had call from clinic.
My pregnancy levels are quite high at 8,335.
How cruel  . Makes it worse somehow. My poor body thinks it's pregnant when it's not    .

Have to have repeat bloods done Monday. If they are still rising, will have to go back for another excruciating scan, to reveal STILL no baby. If they are falling, then they will admit defeat and arrange ERPC if that is what I want. Which I think I do.
Off to have a look at where those levels are at.

Lainey, I'm so sorry that I have made you feel despondant about further treatment. Please try again, you were so close... you have waited for so long to be aloud to try again...

It's the first time that adoption has EVER crossed my mind. I have huge reservations about it. Even if I was 100% sure, not sure I could talk dp around.

Love to all,
Cindersxxx

Thankyou all for your kindness.


----------



## lainey-lou

Oh Cinders, this is all so cruel.  This is what happened to me too, my hormone levels were high and kept rising too.  ERPC is a good idea, without that I would never have known that I had a partial molar pg so they can take your tissue and give you a diagnosis, although they may not do this with you as it is your first m/c (so it "doesn't count" ) .  They also monitor the hormone levels to rule out ectopic.  Are they sure there is no chance they will see something at another scan?

Feel resigned to not having another biological child.  It is just not meant to be for us.  I don't actually feel all that awful about it now, I am actually getting used to the idea.  Before I couldn't imagine us without another child, now I can't see us with another.  There are lots of pluses to having just one - we are off to Italy in May and Mexico (probably) in August - couldn't do that with a baby in tow.  We have nice meals out, I can go to the gym during the day while DD is at school.  I don't have to get up in the night.  All good reasons to be happy.

Ask me in a couple of weeks and I will probably be desperate again    For now though, I am alright with it.

Lainey x


----------



## lainey-lou

Sorry, forgot to say YAY for Lyndalou's embies.  Go embies, go embies


----------



## lainey-lou

Just looked in the mirror  

Perhaps I should spend the money on a facelift instead of IVF


----------



## cinders35

I know I can find positives in having one child, but really, deep down in my soul, I want a baby  .
Love Cindersxxx

p.s Funny you should say that about face lift. The other night when dd was not going to sleep  , I said 'look at you, your so tired. Your eyes are all heavy.' She replied with 'but so are yours mummy' pointed to my heavy eyelids, I kid you not! And said 'they are all melty' Great!


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Just lost post! 

Can't remember what i said now!

Cinders - sorry your body is still putting you through the mill.  

Lyndalou - yey for embies   

I've been for scan and have 3 follies    one of them has a bit of catching up to do though so had some more menopur. Nurse said that I am text book as alternate ovaries have been dominant.  I said that if I was text book wouldn't I be pg by now.  She said that it was perhaps something subtle, like maybe DH's sperm was a lot better before (although it's fine now) or maybe my eggs had declined in quality.  I was 34 yesterday and not very happy about it, now feel even worse!!!  Oh well maybe 3rd time lucky!!!

Faithful x


----------



## whippet

Lyndalou great news honey  

As for us 13 follies, 5 eggs, 4 been ICSI now the dreaded wait we have yet to get past next part  

Whippet x


----------



## cinders35

Whippet,
Well done, great crop!
        for fertilisation!!!

Love Cindersxxx


----------



## faithfullyhoping

Whippett - well done, hopefully icsi will do the trick   

Faithful x


----------



## Jo1983

Well done Whippet!!

Everything crossed for you hun 

  

Jo
xxx


----------



## Pand

Hi everyone 

(So much for not posting so much!  Just too much going on to not be on here.)

Lainey-lou - I know exactly how you feel.  Have felt like that every since the first cycle failed.  Not going to say never, but for the time being it's a definite no for me.  I haven't got the emotional strenght to pick myself up again if it doesn't work or I have another mc.  But hun, you've been clinging on to this for months now.  Do you really want to postpone it or knock it on the head.  Are you really ready to give up?  Remember, we only regret the things we don't do.  I'm going to leave it for now (don't have the money anyway) and will see how I feel over the summer.


Cinders - have pm'd you.  Sorry wasn't about today.  I'm not surprised you feel so empty.  The next few months are going to be incredibly tough, but you are such a strong lady, you can get thro this.  We will drag you thro kicking and screaming if needs be.  Have made a pile of soft fluffy cushions next to me in the pit, and have a large shoulder!  As for adoption, I don't think you are in the right place to make any major decisions at the  moment.  Give it six months then come back to it.  Personally I would rather use what money we have to spoil my little man if we don't have any more.  I'm going to give him such a wonderful life (skiing, holidays, cars etc).  You just don't know what you're going to get if you adopt.  If I hadn't had any children then I would have definitely gone for it, but I would be so afraid of wrecking ds's life and also wonder how I would explain to an adopted child that they aren't mine when ds is.  It could be really painful for them, and of course it depends how you handle it I'm sure, but just don't think it would work for us.  But it's such a personal decision.  Only you can decide and now is not the time.  Always here for you mate.    PS.  I don't just need a face lift, I need liposuction, tummy tuck, body transplant!!!!!!! 

Lyndalou - Oh mate this must be awful for you.  Just when you are trying to be positive and at the critical point in your treatment you're reminded of the pitfalls.  By the law of averages, it has GOT to work for someone on here soon!  You could be the one!  Let us know how you get on and good luck for that nail biting wait.

Whippet - Well done you you clever girl!  I REALLY hope it works for you this time. You have been so brave.  Fingers crossed.

Susie -  So lovely to hear from you!!!  You are sounding quite centred and I'm very impressed.  Hope you have a lovely weekend this weekend.  Sorry to hear things still not so great with dh.  Counselling still sounds like a good option.  Text me if you need to chat.

Hi to everyone else.  Had counselling yesterday and had similar advice to Lainey-lou (ie. write down some of the positive things in life in a journal).  Also said she doesn't think I'm clinically depressed (thank god!) just very low and not surprisingly!  Actually feel much better today than I have for the last couple of weeks.

Like Lainey, I think I am reaching a point where I just can't picture us with any more children.  It doesn't mean that I am happy with it, just that I can't see it happening.  My counsellor suggested trying to find my NEW NORMAL, and to just enjoy the simple things in life for a while (and not make any major decisions) so that's what I'm going to try and do.  God what a journey this is!

Once again, I just want to say thank you to all of you for being so wonderful and such great friends.  I just hope I can be there for all of you as much as you have been for me!

Speak soon!

Lots of love

Pand

FFH - Fingers crossed for you too hun.  Gosh so many of you going thro tx at the mo!!!


----------



## tuck

Hi all

Lainey Lou, your feelings describe exactly how I feel now and felt after 2nd ectopic,.  I had to wait at least 3 months after ep b4 trying again and i got all clear on 29 Dec, but couldn't didn't want to /it is only nowish (and still not convinced cos miss negative can only see more failure) that I am thinking about starting again.  So all i can say is give yourself the time to make up your mind as what you feel now may not be what you feel in 3 months and it must work for one of us soon so hang in there.

Cinders sweetheart I'm sorry that your levels are so high i know all about high levels and no baby and it really sucks!  you almost feel sorry that your body is tricked ... and i understand what you say.  I too have thought about adoption but it is one we have shelved for now as I feel we are only about 60% along our journey into trying to having another child.  When we have gone as far as we can go then we may consider it more seriously but the reservations that others have expressed are felt by me and dh too.  The good thing to know in some respects though is that there are options...  

Susie, I hope that you have a lovely weekend with your friend.  Sorry you and dh have been shouting but at least you are communicating and it sounds like your both committed to doing things about it.

lyndalou, great news about your embies going to blast     they grow grow grow.

FFH - sounds like follicles growing well everything crossed.  Can i ask how they know you ovulate from alternate sides each month, can they tell in the scan.  The reason i ask is that i only want to ttc when i ovulate from side with tube, you see i am scared to ttc when i ovulate from tubeless side as i ended up with 2nd ectopic this way.  Perhaps i could get scanned to see which side ovulating from, i wonder how reliable it is?

Whippet fantastic number of eggs, best of luck with your treatment.

Pand - good to 'see you' glad the counsellor doesn't think you're depressed, when you think what you've been through its not surprising you're in the place you are. In fact i think we're all so blo*dy strong the way we pick ourselves up again. I feel exactly the way you do re. anymore children but its good advice you were given about not making any rash decisions - take care.

Hi to Jo, Wendeth, bubbs, dustyrose and anyone else i missed.

Me - I'm getting ready for in-law onslaught this weekend, going to  dhs formal end of hockey season dinner tomorrow night - inlaws babysitting, got posh new dress and getting hair done so hopefully i won't look too bad, had a bit of a wobble about my weight and the fact the wife of the couple we are going with is a size 8 and shes got 2 kids, ***.  

Have a good weekend peeps

Tuckxx


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## faithfullyhoping

Pand - Good to hear from you still, glad you had a good session with the counsellor.  It must be a relief to hear from someone else that you are not clinically depressed, but that you are feeling low with good reason.  I hope that you can continue to feel better about things.

Tuck - Yes they can tell when they scan you which side the follicles are growing and therefore which side the eggs are being released from, so that is definitely an option for you.  Hope you have a great time at the dinner tomorrow night in your posh dress.  And don't worry about the size 8 girl, she probably hates her body because it's too skinny!!!  I've always been slim and never really liked my body for it, I'd love some curves!!!  I guess we're never satisfied..

Faithful x


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## tuck

Thanks for that ffh, its maybe worth me considering scanning but would probably need to pay for it privately but should give me more peace of mind.  

Good luck to you with your tx.  must get off here and tidy up for in laws, talk about procrastination..........

Tuckxx


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## jobo5572

Evening ladies.  Well, the horrible   got me again today, tho' I'm not that surprised......teamed with the trouble we're having anyway, leading up to optimum BMS time, DH was on nights so not around and then I had a friend to stay for a few days, so it would've been an immaculate conception this month (if only !).  Will now go to the "come back in 6 months time if you're not PG" consultant appointment on the 9th May to discuss the next options.......IVF of some sort I believe - if you see any bank robberies on the news you'll be my alibi won't you ? .

Anyway, just wanted to write a quick note to wish you all well....I'm off "up north" tomorrow then off to Center Parcs on Monday for the week.  Really looking forward to some quality time with DS.  My mum & sister will also be there and unfortunately both have been extremely insensitive to my situation for some time so I am hoping the subject isn't mentioned at all.  I will have to put my blinkers on to avoid all the babies/PG women/multi-child families I expect as CP seems to attract so many of them  !

Cinders, hope you're OK.  

Sorry for lack of personals but haven't even packed yet !! I am so disorganised. 

Lots of love,  ,   &   to you all.


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## Jo1983

Morning to you all  

Hope everyones's feeling a little better today.......big tight   for those of us who need it.

Cinders......thinking of you, I hope your body calms down a bit over the weekend hun. I think Pands post made a lot of sense about the adoption conversations. I think you have to give yourself some time and do what you feel is best for you and your family, as that's what's important xxx

Jobo...... please tell me that you're looking for an accomplice or maybe a getaway driver   Obviously I wouldn't be a great alibi then but I'm sure the other ladies will be   Hope you have a lovely time at CP and may the pg/multi child women stay away from you! (and us all)  

Tuck..... I love getting all dressed up for special occassions, don't really get to go out much anymore so when I do I'm like a little girl with a fairy outfit   
I've been a size 8 all my life and I hate my body most of the time.........the size 8 lady that's going tonight probably feels the same so don't let her fool you   You'll look lovely   Have a great time.

Susie.... Lovely to hear from you, have a great weekend away........I must go away soon, everybody seems to be on holiday   Glad to hear that you are feeling better, and sounding very grounded and sure of yourself and decisions which is fantastic. Take care  

Hi and lots of luck to Pand, Lainey, Lyndalou, Whippet, Wouldbegreat, Bubbs, FFH, Wendeth, Dustrose, Emma, and anyone else I forgotten.....it's not intentional  I'm just a bit tick you know   

Lot's of             for all of us that are going through treatment at the mo.

Me....well I'm still, 8 weeks on, waiting for an appointment at the egg donation clinic. I'm starting to pull my hair out, I may well be bald by the time I start my ivf. I've had my first lot of bloods to test my fsh levels so fingers crossed that it's under 9 and I can start the long but hopefully joyful road of donating and ivf. Ds is away at his Dad's til Sunday morning so me and dh are going out for a nice meal tonight and hopefully a bit of jiggy jiggy afterwards   Although how on earth I'm ever going to beat 17 times is beyond me! I don't think I'd manage that in 3 months let alone 1   to wbg. Just more waiting for me at the minute I'm afraid.

Take care all and have a super wkend.
Jo
xxx


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## nanook

Hi Guys

  to lyndalou re follies well done sweetheart.

Not much to say as am still just gutted for Cinders tbh..............

Suzy - Hi babe hope you manage to sort things out with dh - I find all your reiki stuff very inspiring and may look into it myself.  As for the job, its all moving forward - I received the Health Questionnarre today which Ive filled in but Ive put all about this fertility stuff and Im worried they may want to look into it further which will take some time.  I dont know what they look into and dont so just keeping my fingers crossed on that front! I really want to get it sorted asap - Ive found them very slack and a bit shoddy to be honest so far regarding the recruitment process and Im getting a bit impatient, but Im sure theres worse things to worry about so will just hold tight.  All is good though really.

Hi to everybody else - big hugs and love to all.

  ing for everyone to have some luck soon!!

Sarah

xx


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## nanook

Sorry Lyndalou I meant Embies hun xx


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## Jo1983

Well..............

...... it certainly is very quiet on here this weekend, I hope you're all busy having fun, dh is in bed still (lazy git) ds is not back until 1pm so suppose I better get on with Sunday lunch and the ironing. You ladies were my excuse for not doing the ironing and no-one's arouind to cover for me he he he   

Anyhow hope you are all ok, sending lots of love and luck to you all  

Jo
xxx


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## missyb

hi ladies

im sorry that i havent been on for a bit. i have been trying not to ttc as im feeling at the moment that it is making me miserable. it seems like a pointless exercise where the only thing being achieved is the stripping away of my self worth. dp feels under so much pressure and just feels that i want him for his sperm!

we held a 70's party last nite and have a mondo hangover.. i promise i'll do personals later but just wanted to say..

cinders.. i feel for you and dp so much hun. when i got your text i was at work and all i wanted to do was cry.. i just had such hopes for you..


im sorry this is a rubbish post but i will try harder next time!


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## cinders35

Missyb,  
Thank's hun, I hate that I have made you feel sad.   But pleas know that I appreciate how much you care  .
I know what you mean about how much pressure ttc puts on a relationship, and even though I have been ttc through treatment recently, I haven't forgotten how hard the month after month of endless BMS, only to have bfn's can feel. We all understand when you need to distance yourself a bit, and take a break. We all do it sometimes!
At my time of need, I am more or less on and off ff constantly! Not necessarily posting, but reading other peoples stories, and realising how much worse things could be for me!
Glad you enjoyed the party, it would be just up my street!  
Loadsa luv, and buckets of understanding.
Cindersxxx  

p.s Jo , hope ironing going ok!


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## cinders35

Just want to say a big thankyou to all you girls for suporting me at this horrible time.
I'm sorry for lack of individual thanks, just not particularly focused at the mo.  
But  
Love Cindersxxx


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## wouldbegreat

Cinders love to you too am thinking of you


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## lyndalou

Babies on board! 2 expanding blasts transfered today x


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## cinders35

Congratulations PUPO lady!  
You go girl!
Love Cindersxxx


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## wouldbegreat

Lyndalou thats great sending you lots of


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## emsylou

Hi girlies

Cinders-how are you feeling hun? am thinking of you- 

Lyndalou-congratulations to you, and the best of luck. 

Missyb-hi hun, i know exactly how you feel when you say your hubby thinks you only want him for his spemies, my hubby is the same, he makes a joke out of it and says "you only want me for my wormies dont ya?" and i do a fake laugh when realy im thinking yep your not wrong there mate   any way hope you are ok, oooh a 70's party, we have a 70's night club by where i live and have always wanted to go there evry one gets all dressed up, looks fun, hope you enjoyed your party?  

Jo1983-hi hun hope you are ok? did you finish your ironing? i have a huge pile that i should have started on yesterday but changed my mind might leave it to get bigger for another day. Good luck with your tx though i hope things start to move a bit quicker for you hun so you dont end up bald    

nanook-hi hun hope you are ok? 

Bubbs-hi hun, have just pm'd ya, havnt heard from you in a while, hope you are ok? 

FFH   Tuck   jobo5572   Pand   Whippet   Dustyrose   and eryone else who i have missed, hello to you all and lots of    to you all.


Well as for me, not much to report realy, apart from my wisdom tooth driving me crazy   my gum is all swollen and is very painfull. My back ache and cramps have now stopped so i am thinking that it might have been ov pains, so fingers crossed, normally if i get them cramps i avoid bms but this month i have gritted my teeth and dived on hubby all through the cramps   so i am praying that i got the right time this month and it worked   please please please.
Am going to have a buisy day today spring cleaning and am going to take the tiles off the walls in the bathroom ready to have it decorated, cant leave it for hubby to do as it wouldnt get done, i have been nagging him to do it for weeks now, but if you want some thing done eh.
Anyway id better be off lots of   and   and   to you all
take care 
xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Jo1983

Yay....Go LyndaLou........lot's of luck hun......    

Cinders.....big   to you, hope your body is calming down a bit. Have you got anything planned for this week? everyone seems to be so busy on here  

Emma.....you should go to the dentist hun, I hate wisdom teeth mines been coming through for about 2 years now and it's still only halfway through. As for the ironing well the piles just a little bigger now   I did cook a lamb roast though and did lots of cleaning so I can be excused. Your pains sound similar to mine.....I get terrible pains when I ovulate.....my egg comes out and cause it can't travel down my tubes it forms a cyst and pop's a few days later. It's great knowing when you ovulate but I can't get pg anyway so it just annoys me every bloody month. Hope the tile removing is going ok too  

Missy B......Hi haven't "spoken" to you for ages it seems........hope you are feeling a little better today. My dh is exactly the same about bms.....when we found out ivf was our only option he said that I'd never have sex with him again cause I can't get pg   He knows me so well  
I want to go to a 70's party now.....(stamp my feet) sounds like lots of fun.....even though I wasn't around in the 70's   80's would be good! Take care   

Love to everyone else......thinking of you all
Jo
xxx


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## emsylou

Jo1983, no hun the tile removing isnt going very well, i havee cut my hand twice now grrr   have given up and came back on here before i stick a hammer through my bath   
love em xx


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## emsylou

Oh and the dentist, no way am petriefied of the place havnt been for a while, although i know i do need to go i cant bring my self to make the appt.  im a bit   i know, but have always been scared of them, i think i have a phobia of people touiching my teeth  
em xxx


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## wouldbegreat

Emma lol honey i am suppose to be doing the painting   i did do loads this weekend and my throat hurts a little anyway .
So i am enjoying the piece and quiet and ff i am just going to have lunch and a nice cup of coffee and read more on ff


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## Jo1983

Emma and wouldbegreat.....

 

Looks like we've all got the same idea   I'm terrible, I have done the hoovering and mopping and put a wash on but the ironing pile gets bigger still.

Emma.....you know you have a dh to do the tiling.....you tell him you need to put your feet up all the bms has taken it out of you   Everyone seems to be frightened of the dentist. My close friend is, she came with me once when I had a tooth out years ago and she fainted! I ended up looking after her.....she was meant to be helping me  
Seriously though, you should go if it hurts you hun.

wouldbegreat.....you should make us all coffee.....I'll bring the biscuits and we could have a coffee morning


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## wouldbegreat

Jo that would be great   what about cream cakes too


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## Jo1983

wouldbegreat

can't have a coffee morning without cream cakes  

(I really want one now, may have to pop to the shop)


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## wouldbegreat

Jo i have had to make do with a yogart oh well  

I have done something usefull today i have booked our holiday at a haven for a couple of months time that took me all of 10mins


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## Jo1983

Wouldbegreat,

At least a yoghurts healthy I've had some cheese and onion crisps and a picnic bar  

10 minutes work is fine on a Monday   and it's something for the whole family to enjoy which is even better   Which Haven are you going to?

I've spent most of the morning uploading photos to photobox on the net.......I'm making a collage of my ds from when he was born up until now and have found a great site that will print your photo's into a story book and you can write a little story or caption on each page, or you can get your children to write their own story for the pictures. They also have large posters that you can arrange 18-25 pictures on they print it etc and then you can frame it. I think I'm a little too excited about it though  

xxx


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## wouldbegreat

Jo 

We are going to combe Martin   wow that photobox looks great i like the idea of the collage posters i might have a go at that


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## bubblicous

hey ladies


been missing u all but its been chaos here recently i have the man flu again  dh had man flu all last week he stayed in bed the whole time i have ot now but im expected to get up and get on with things men eh  

so i really dont think i ovd this month just didnt feel right this cycle i have day 20 bloods to get done tomorrow to see wots happened and then depening on the results depends on wots going to happen wether my clomid goes up or not

its my eldests birthday today shes 6 i cant believe it i remember her being born like yesterday and it was 6 years ago

sorry for the lack of personals girls my head feels like its gonna blow up


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## faithfullyhoping

Hi girls

Hope you enjoyed your coffee morning!!! Shame the cakes didn’t make it though!!

Bubbs – Your little girl must be the same age as mine nearly. My dd is 6 at the end of June, like you say it seems like yesterday.  I really can’t believe it.  Make the most of them both whilst they’re still young, before we know it they’ll all be horrible teenagers!!  What are they going to do if you don’t ovulate this month? Will they change the medication?

Jo – I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t like being a size 8! I’d love to be nice and curvey.  Any news on your app?  This waiting drives you insane doesn’t it?

Cinders – How’s it going hun? Is your body still being tricked? Still thinking of you.

Whippet – How’s it going with the icsi?

Lyndalou – yey for the embies.  You take care and have a good long rest.

Suzy – Good to hear from you hun.  I hope you and DH sort stuff out. I’m sure this IF stuff has a lot to answer for. It can really take the soul out of your relationship. The Reiki sounds great, I’ve often thought that I’d like to go into alternative health.  But I’m a bit impatient and want everything to happen immediately so not sure I could put up with all of the training.

Pand – How’s it going. Hope you’re still feeling the benefits of seeing the counsellor.

Emma, Wouldbegreat, Tuck, Nanook, Jobo, and anyone else I’ve missed, Hi.

Faithful x

Ps Thinking basting will probably be Wednsday, am waiting for LH surge at mo. I've got 2 bigfollies and one smaller one. Please think positive thoughts for me everyone.


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## whippet

Brief from me ladies as still not well but pleased to report 2 embies on board.

Catch up tomorrow ladies

Whippet x


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## missyb

hey ladies!!

we have been v chatty! lol x

i still feel awful but the dr at work told me i have tonsilitis and so im on antibiotics.. i think saturdays alcohol anaesthatised me so i didnt feel it till today!! lol x


hi faithful...  for you for the basting xx

hi bubs.. hows the headache?? hope you are feeling better

hi emma how are you doing? how is the tooth?? we had a wicked party and everyone really got into the spirit of the party and came dressed to the nines!! more afros than you could shake a stick at!

hi pand... how are you doing sweety? it's funny that we have sooo much in common... the cake was a joint effort with me and dp.. it was such a huge penis cake it was a right pain to ice etc! it also came out a bit too pink!! lol x

hi cinders... thinking of you all of the time.  

hi suzy how are you doing? glad you had a nice weekend sweets xx how are things?

hi jo1983.. im so glad that it isnt just me & dp who go thru the '... you're only after me for the sperm...' thing! next time i think we should have a ff funky night!!! how are you doing hun?

hi lyndalou yay pupo lady!!!! 


hi lainey-lou.. how are you doing sweets? xx


hi wouldbegreat... how are you ?

hey whippet... another pupo lady    for you hun xx




hope you are all well.. im sorry if i have been sounding grumpy of late... i hate ttc, i hate clomid (ive started spotting again today cd10.. what the hell is that about!!)... oops im moaning again!!


love


amanda xx


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## emsylou

Hi missyb tooth is still driving me crazy  
Hope your tonsilitis gets better soon hun.
xxxx


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## missyb

aw hun there is nothing worse than toothache! i hope it gets better soon too... im a dreadful patient! 


a xx


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## emsylou

hi lovelies, well, my wisodm tooth is still giving me grieffe it is right there about to break through, and i have also now got an ulcer on the inside of my cheek right next to it and all of my jaw has gone stiff and painfull.  im a right wimp i dont like pain.

missyb- hows your throat today? 

love em xxx


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## emilycaitlin

New home this way!.........

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=138183.0


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