# Scared to think about having baby No 2... Is it normal ??



## soni (Dec 31, 2005)

As you can see from my signature I was blessed with a daughter last year who was born prem at 32 weeks . My pregnancy with her was classified as high risk since beginning with bleeding in first trimester , gestational diabetes in second and ended up with PPROM . I am fortunate enough to have four frosties left , 2 at ARGC and 2 at lister which we would like to use at some point. DH has already started mentioning about having another gobut I feel so scared of going through it all again . I just end up in tears every time someone mentions about having a sibling for DD . I just wish it could be simple for us too. Just don't know who shall I speak with in regards to my previous experience and preparing myself to have another go??i do want to have another child but just doesn't have the strength at the moment . Anyone else had the similar sort of feelings or advise or any positive stories ?? Feel completely lost at the moment :-((


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## BikerGirl (Mar 15, 2006)

I can offer you a positive story! Our journey was not as long or as complicated as yours. It only took us 4 years to have M. I realise how lucky that was. I hated tx, the moods, the hormones etc etc We really wanted a sibling for her though. (Before we got married we'd talked about having 4! Silly us!!) Anyway, my pg with M was quite horrendous. I had 9 months of all-day sickness, I was on high dose metformin throughout which made me feel ill all the time and progesterone support throughout and daily aspirin and was so exhausted all the time I often had problems trying to remember if I'd had all of my meds and I would feel really guilty about that. I also had a slipped disc which I chose not to have surgically fixed because I'd been told that after major back surgery i couldn't get pg for 1 year and I couldn't bear to put everything on hold for 1 year! The end was the highlight...I went into hospital to be induced at 39 weeks (my back was so bad by then with the extra weight that I couldn't walk and my doctor was convinced I wouldn't be able to deliver naturally) but was actually already in labour. Since I was a planned admission it took hours for anyone to examine me by which time I was 7cm dilated and it was too late for any pain relief anyway. They finally put a fetal heart rate monitor on me and realised that M's hearbeat was disappearing for a long time with each of my contractions. The midwives were all really relaxed about it while I was going out of my mind. Finally a doctor turned up, turned pale and made them put me on a drip to speed things along. All through this I'm convinced M is going to die - or at the least be severely brain injured- and wondering why they don't just give me a c-section. In the end the midwife got the drip wrong, started me on max dose instead of minimum and I felt my back almost break with the next contraction. I honestly thought I'd never walk again though that was a small matter at the time. In the end M came out in a big hurry leaving me with a massive tear that took months to heal especially as it got infected within a couple of weeks. I also pigheadedly insisted on exclusively breastfeeding her even if it killed me and I nearly lost my mind. As a result of all this it took months and months for me to feel anywhere near physically normal after the birth and I spent all of those months watching M like a hawk for signs that her all those minutes without a heartbeat had affected her in some way. (They didn't!)It did take me several weeks to bond though - a psychologist friend said it was probably due to the ugly birth. When she was 9 months old I had back surgery and thought my baby having days were behind me, but at my post op visit my surgeon said I was healing really well and could get pg if I wanted to. I wasn't expecting it and I wasn't prepared to go through tx again but made an appt with my consultant anyway and we agreed we'd do 3 rounds and that would be it. For ever. As it turned out I got pg naturally around M's first birthday (Pretty much the FIRST time we did the deed since M's birth!!!!) I was a bit in denial throughout the pg...just couldn't believe it had happened. I had pretty much been convinced tx wouldn't work and had kind of made peace with the fact M would be an only child. I was so scared of the birth I was having panic attacks later on in the pg. In the end all the things that had scared me didn't materialize at all. The birth was REALLY unbelievably easy. J just flew out and was a really good baby. My pg was quite straightforward and much easier than M's had been despite the fact I was running around after a toddler and was a couple of years older. And he was a perfect feeder. And if he hadn't been...I'd have coped anyway because when you're doing things the second time round you've more or less resigned yourself to the fact there is no such thing as a perfect mummy!!!  
You have frosties so you already have that 'sorted'. If you can't bear the thought of going through tx from scratch again you already have some embies which could potentially be a sibling for your little girl. All pregnancies are different I guess, even for the same person. Since you've had a hard time last time round you would probably automatically be more closely monitored this time round. 
Sending you hugs and wishing you luck for whatever you decide. 
XXX


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## Kinab (Oct 28, 2009)

Hi there, I didn't want to read and run and I know sometimes stories of " happy ending of " my friend" can be quite annoying so I hope you don't mind me posting this one? Before I do, just wanted to say that I think it is totally normal to feel very apprehensive about trying for number two... I felt almost guilty, as though DD wasn't enough somehow ( when she had been so longed for), there is also lots to think about in terms of worry and guilt that treatment will take time from them etc. I certainly went through all of this. 

I think that given the difficult pregnancy you had it would be strange not to be worried, however, with everything in life just because you had a difficult first pregnancy that does not mean you would have the same experience again, in the same way that it can go like clock work first time and things can be awful second time.  I had a text book pregnacy with DD, this tine ive had on going bleeding etc. It is very likely that the complications this time were just one of those things, your obstetrician should be able to give more guidance on this. 

Anyhow my happy story if of my best friend who delivered her little boy at 25 weeks following PPROM, lots of anxieties about number two... Who very happily arrived innovember two weeks over due. Her experience during this pregnancy did involve lots of worry and anxieties as you would expect, but close monitoring by the foetal medicine unit was reassuring. 

Sorry I've rambled, but guess I just wanted to say that yes I think it's very normal to have these worries, you've been through a lot to get your dreams, it's still early days in terms of thinking about siblings. Hope you can be a peace with the decisions you come to regarding number 2! 

Kate x


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## soni (Dec 31, 2005)

Thank you both for Sharing your experiences with me !!! I am going to try and be positive about it but it's hard at the moment !!!


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