# Keeping your relationship strong and what you can do.



## Viv77 (Feb 1, 2013)

Hi Everyone

As all of us must know infertility can place a huge strain on your relationship which it did with us.

We couldn't really afford it but after 3 and half years of trying we decided we needed a holiday, a break from it all.  It was a hard decision to make as I kept thinking that could go towards our fertility treatment but I think it was for the best and has really helped.

Does anyone have any other tips that can help a relationship survive, obviously cheaper tips as I can't go away every week LOL.  

I'm interested to know how your relationship was before and after or at all different stages of this process and what you did and what most importantly helped.

Things have been so hard and I know I'm a completely different person now to when we first got together.

Any advice would be very much welcomed.

KEEP STRONG AND ALL THE BEST EVERYONE


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## Carls305 (Aug 30, 2012)

Hi Viv77,

I know exactly what you mean, my fiance has always called me by my nickname 'Carls' but since we've been trying and i've been finding it so very difficult, he's saying that i'm not his Carls i'm just Carly now. I always told him he was being stupid and we used to argue and fight and ***** at each other all the time and that was really unlike us because as a couple we don't argue, yes we bicker like every couple but we've never argued like that before. 

What i've found is that with us being both so stubborn, we didn't really talk about things as much as we should of. All my anger inside I was taking out on him because I couldn't talk to him and he just plain didn't want to speak to me but once after a massive row, we ended up talking, like a really deep conversation about EVERYTHING and it really helped us. We now try and talk instead of arguing  Also, since I was diagnosed with PCOS i've been keeping a diary (my fiance doesn't know) and that's helped me control my anger because whenever i'm really angry/upset I write it down instead of speaking and i've found that really helps me.

Also, make sure you allow each other time to be by yourselves to relax as well as time together.

I hope this helps you 

Carls xx


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## HopefulEmma (Dec 28, 2012)

Hello ladies, 

It's been nearly 3 1/12 years we have been trying. We have just finished our first IVF I am now in the 2ww waiting period. Our relationship has had some real lows and aswell as highs. 
I think with me and my DH when I shout and get angry at him- I listen to what I'm saying and half the time I am shouting at him or arguing over stuff that would never of bothered me 2/3 years ago. 
I think what has worked for us is realising your a partnership who want to be together because you love each other. This is a journey which is hard for both of you. 
We go on walks to the local beach or Forrest, just hold hands and get back to the way things were. 
We love coffee (decaf for me obv) so we tend to find nice cosy coffee shops spend time together that way. 
Cosy nights in front of the TV, DVD and take away. 
Cuddles and chats. 
Just remember your both going through this so to try and stay strong as a team. 

I know I might not have helped much but it's normal to feel the way you are, everyone has a few bumps they need to over come. 
Good luck to you    xxx


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## somewhere overthe rainbow (May 14, 2012)

"Just remember your both going through this so to try and stay strong as a team."........ so true Hopefulemma

I think maybe at times I forgot this, thinking it was all about me.  My DH would get annoyed when I got upset, which upset me more and so I would just bottle things up.  
Over the past 6 months we have become stronger.  Now he gives me time to grieve, hugs me, lets me cry when I want, and sometimes he cries too.  Most importantly we are open and honest with each other, telling each other when we feel a bit down, sharing the emotions rather than keeping it to ourselves....this has really helped.


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## HopefulEmma (Dec 28, 2012)

Somewhere- that's lovely. You sound like you have a good DH on your hands   
I think sometimes it does seem all one sided because we're the ones who are having needles poked in us every day. But they must feel it too, I know my DH wouldn't show it at first. 

Stay strong ladies & if you feel you can't talk to your partner that's why this site is here.. I'm sure all our emotions are not far apart     xxx


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## Viv77 (Feb 1, 2013)

Thank you everyone so much for you tips the one that really stands out for me is writing things down but I will give them all a go, going for walks together, spending time etc.  I realised that when we went away life was just too serious all the time and we didn't really have fun anymore.

My husband is definitely better than what he was 6 months ago.  There was a period where I was just so down with everything I could just about get up in the morning to go to work because I was fed up with everything.  When he saw how I was he changed and doesn't walk away anymore when I'm having a moan he listens.  I really am going to try and write things down though to give him a bit of a rest from it though.

Thanks for your tips I know we aren't the only ones going through it but most of the time it feels like we are and don't want to go back to how I was.

Good luck everyone and if you can think of anything else feel free to drop me a line.


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Remember that you only want a baby because your so in love with your partner.  Also they say its good to talk about your feelings and yes it is but also learn when its best to keep quiet, or you run the risk of the whole of your relationship becomes about fertility!


One last thing , except that going through if treatment is difficult for both the man and the woman and that you will have bad times as well as good times, continue to work on things.


xx


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

what helped us was that because i knew it was all really tough on him i made a real effort to just stay out of his way! i tried to just keep my mouth shut when i could, and leave him to do his own thing. It was hard but we found a way through, he was a real rock and did loads for me even ironing my bedding for me at one point, and because i knew he was making a real effort i just tried really hard to make life as easy as possible for him. It hasn't meant we never argue but we came through 2 rounds of IVF probably stronger than we were when we went into it. It takes two people though. I couldn't have got through it without his support and am very grateful to him for that. remembering i'm grateful helps me be compassionate towards him -though it is hard when you're all hormonal!


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## Littlemissv (Mar 6, 2013)

We have date nights.... It sounds cliched and silly but it's nights where we are a normal couple. Not people who are revolving times of our life on what we nickname 'drs orders'

We also try and do new things together.... Go to new places, go to live events. Just new things we can enjoy together.

I remember feeling that everything had become quite clinical.... About drugs and dates and we weren't having fun any more so that's what we have focused on bringing back...


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