# Lesbian Couples trying to conceive or planning too? No one understands :(



## Philly-Cee (Nov 10, 2010)

Hi there everyone.

Are there any lesbian couples out there who are trying to conceive or planning too?

We've been finding it really hard to discuss our situation with people, as pretty much everyone we know is straight and they don't get it or they think we're lying or it's a joke!

We were just wondering if any one else has come across this situation?

I'm not originally from Manchester so I dont have any 'proper' friends here which is effecting me as I have no one to talk to apart from my dear wife, who is wonderful, but sometimes it would be nice to talk to other people as well.

Anyway, feeling a bit low, so any nice words of advice or friendship would be welcomed. 

Thanks girls xxxx


----------



## M2M (Sep 16, 2009)

There are loads of lesbian couples on here who have children, are expecting their babies now, or are still in the seemingly endless process of trying to conceive! 

We have been trying since May and have told our families and some close friends, but quite a lot of our friends are gay too so they understand as most of them either have kids themselves, or want to have kids one day. We are lucky that we haven't had any negative reactions yet.

The lesbian ladies (and occasionally the odd gay man!) post in the LGBT General Chit Chat thread normally, though it's been a bit quiet recently. Feel free to pop over there and post in it. It's here: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=244868  There are quite a few of us!

We've had quite a lot of recent pregnancies and births amongst the lesbian ladies on here lately so they may not have been posting quite as much. I'm one of the ones for whom getting pregnant is proving a little trickier than I had hoped  so I'm still here...

Welcome to the board and I hope you find some much-needed support here. It can be a very emotionally trying journey so having people to chat to is really important.


----------



## Philly-Cee (Nov 10, 2010)

Hi M2M,

Thanks for your message. Really nice to know there are people out there who understand what we are going through and don't just think we are freaks 
Will check out the link you gave us.

We really wish you the best of luck with becoming Mummy's 

Thanks girls 
xxxxxx


----------



## snagglepat (Sep 13, 2004)

Yep, you've come to the right place. This part of the forum is teeming with us. I'm currently pregnant with our second child, conceived with the same known sperm donor who helped us make our daughter (born 2007) and am due next month. It took us over three years to get pregnant with our first child so we're another couple it didn't happen to quickly or easily, but we got there in the end. 

It can be really tough, especially when you don't know anyone else who has gone through something similar. When we were trying, my partner's cousin and his wife were also dealing with fertility problems so even though they're straight we had someone in our family who had some understanding of what we were experiencing. They then adopted two kids which has been great for us - not least because we get two more nephews to spoil - but because it gave DP's side of the family a chance to get their heads around there not needing to be a biological relationship for someone to be family. Because I was the one who has ended up carrying both our children there is no biological relationship there either, but there's never been a moment's doubt about our daughter being as much a part of their family as ours.

I think, in terms of understanding how difficult the process is our heterosexual counterparts can be very understanding if they've had experience, or know of others who have had fertility issues. At the end of the day, we all want to have children and we need help to get there, even though the logistics and details might be different. If all they've experienced is nice, simple, heterosexual fertility then it can seem very strange to have to consider some of the things we have to.

I believe there's a social group that meets up in Manchester for LGBT parents/parent-to-be. Hopefully someone will be able to post a link before long. That might be a good way to meet some like-minded people in person as well as online.

Good luck with your journey!

Gina.


----------



## Philly-Cee (Nov 10, 2010)

Hi Gina and CONGRATULATIONS, so happy for you both!

Glad i'm going to be able to find like minded people.

Any idea where i could find out about this LGBT parents/parent-to-be in Manchester?

Thanks 
xxxxxxx


----------



## welshginge (Jul 12, 2009)

Hi - yep it's frustrating at times isn't it?! When I was experiencing negatives with IUI my brother & his gf fell pregnant quite quickly. That was so hard for me, I fell apart. I came on here & someone else was going through EXACTLY the same thing. Helped no end!!

Also what frustrated me (I'm on a roll now) was that people (mostly straight I have to say) assumed we would adopt so would comment re the process, how long it takes, how it is wonderful we are thinking of it etc & I see absolutely nothing wrong with adoption but it left me feeling quite miffed that they would consider this the only option for us. I would just get an 'oh' when I said we were trying to get pregnant. On the upside I really enjoyed telling some of those people that I was pregnant a few weeks ago! *evil laugh*

As M2M & Gina say, this is an excellent source of support. Welcome!


----------



## Philly-Cee (Nov 10, 2010)

Hi Welshginge!

Thanks for your post, it made me smile! Some people in this World really are small minded!
And i agree with the 'OH' comment that people make when we tell them we are planning on starting a family! 

I can't wait to get pregnant and wave my middle finger up at all the people who thought we wouldn't/couldn't or shouldn't have done it! 

All we want is a family of our own, but it would be really nice to have supportive people around us but this also shows us who are real friends are!

xxxxx


----------



## single.mummy (Mar 12, 2009)

Hi 
I don't post here much at all, I do read though. I just wanted to post a link for a meeting that is held in manchester for LGBT Parents (and those looking to become parents). The group meets every 4th Saturday of the month, at Alexandra Park Play Centre, Alexandra Park (next to the lake), which is on Alexandra Road Moss side.
http://www.newfamilysocial.co.uk/new-resources-events/lgbt-parents-group-in-manchester/
I did manage to attend once and it was a great group so please do give it a go. Though I think then next meeting will be in January.
Jo


----------



## welshbean (Feb 12, 2010)

Hi

I work in Manchester City Centre and am always up for a Starbucks if you fancy a moan with someone who does get it !!

Welshbean


----------



## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Philly-Cee


Hi sorry for gatcrashing your board esp as we are a strait couple.  I just wanted to say that i have wandered in the past how other people cope with the horrid situation of infertility.  It is so so hard for a strait couple but to be lesbian or gay must be more difficult. I think in general people dont understand fertility, esp infertility as being a real issue and problem in peoples lives.


I think we sometimes forget that infertility and fertility treatment is like another world to most people.  All the procedures that come as second nature to us are like alien to most others.  When i have in the past spoken to people about our treatment (icsi)  it has been so obvious that people have no idea at all!  Personally i find the more i try to make others understand the less i feel understood, tbh i dont really bother much now a days.


For a strait couple to be going through fertility treatment is bad enough its a lonely and scary place.  But to add being gay/lesbian, religion or other issues to the pot must be even more difficult.  Its a long waffly post but just wanted to send you my support.  xxxxxxx


----------



## Strawbs78 (Jun 3, 2008)

HI 

Just a quick post to say you are not alone.. my darling wife and I are trying to get pregnant too.. jump over to the 2WW thread and there are loads of us on there xx


----------



## Philly-Cee (Nov 10, 2010)

Hi ladies!

First of all, Welshbean, i'll definately take you up on the offer. Will private message you  xxx

Second of all, Coweyes, lovely name by the way lol. I really agree that most people really don't understand infertility and don't really have a clue what fertility treatment is! I'm only 23, but to me it seems that I know alot more than people who are older than me! I get the University of life in the best place to learn real knowledge about life. Its really nice to hear the a straight couple understand what we have to go through! I'm not even pregnant yet and already there are so many decision we need to make, such as whether we use a clinic or go along the home insemination route! And it really does seem that the people in my life have no idea about how this works! You say home insemination with someone you know and they just look at you like you're stupid! At the end of the day it's our decision, but it would be nice to be able to talk to people, like the lovely people on here! Thank you so much for your support and i wish you the best of luck with everything. Also, feel free to private message me if you like  xxx

Last but not least, Strawbs78, thanks very much for your post and will check out that thread, just need to learn how to navigate around this site! lol xxx

Thank you ladies! xxxx


----------



## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Philly cell  xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------

