# Everyone around me is pregnant...



## helchris1981 (Oct 6, 2016)

Hi ladies, I've posted on here a few times and I find it really helps getting out what I want to say and can't say to friends and family. Myself and my husband have a 2 and a half year old little girl and 10 months ago we started trying for another baby when  my period stopped for 3 months and my FSH was tested as high, I subsequently went to a fertility clinic to get my AMH tested and that was 0.2 😣 we've since had some better news, my fsh levels are now back to normal so they have ruled out early menopause, however obviously my AMH isn't getting any better! We're now going to start a diet plan and Im going to have acupuncture. We so desperately want a sibling for our little girl and every friend that I've made since having her is either now pregnant or had their baby, plus friends I was pregnant with at the same time, plus my sister in law and sister, that's 11 women!  I am truly excited for them all, especially my sister as we are very close and this is her first. But I admit I am starting to struggle, I don't work so almost everything I do with my little girl involves seeing these friends and I'm dreading the day when my little girl asks why she hasn't got a brother or sister, which I have a feeling will be soon. I was working but since finding all of this out I decided I need my stress levels to be down and I want to see as much of her as possible. So my question is, how do any of you cope with this situation? And is there anyone in a similar situation thats been told what their chances of having another baby are? I am 35 by the way.


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## karen1980_Austin (Jan 23, 2017)

Hi.. its pants isn't it?
Im 37 and all around me have their seconds and/or are expecting.
I just wanted to send you a hug.. I feel the same.
Im looking at going to a fertility clinic but no idea how to start


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## Molly78 (Jul 1, 2014)

I m in a similar position but 39! I had my son via IVF when I was 37, the success rates in your mid thirties are relatively good as egg quality is normally better than when you are approaching 40! I ve had 3 unsuccessful rounds since but I m having one final try in June. If you are going to approach a clinic I suggest you look at options in your area and their success rates. 

You still both have age on your side... Good luck 🍀 it's sad when lots of people around you are getting pregnant I m desperate for another but I also remember that I am lucky to have my son and this is out of reach for some people and at one point I never thought I would be lucky to have a child xxx


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## miamiamo (Aug 9, 2015)

Stay positive. Infertility journey is financially and emotionally draining, but I am sure your time will come. Keep my fingers crossed. Good luck !


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## helchris1981 (Oct 6, 2016)

Hi ladies, thank you so much for your supportive messages, it was a while ago but Ive only just seen them! Hope you're all doing well?


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## Besidetheseaside (Nov 11, 2015)

Hi
I know how you are feeling. 
My two sisters have 5 kids and five couples can't make it to our wedding as they are having their due date around that date. One of that people are my best friend which really didn't want a second child as she has severe endometriosis and she's a heavy smoker. All women which I made on my 3 years IVF journey are having a child already. 
Everyone at work between 30 and 68 has at least one child.
Stay strong, you are not alone. Big virtual hug xxxx


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## HopefulKayte (Jun 16, 2017)

Ah, I understand the pain and am sorry that you are going through it too. My girlfriends my age (I just turned 39) had their children in their early-mid 30s while I was going through treatment trying to have my son. Admittedly many of us have drifted apart, which is hard, but my life became so different than theirs and eventually I left my job to make treatment a priority (no clinic in my town) and everything seemed to change as I tackled infertility head-on.

The great news is we did successfully have our little guy and we are so blessed. Despite the primary infertility struggle we always knew we'd try for another, be willing to put in the same effort again and more if needed, believing another would come if we hung in there. Many more cycles later and it didn't happen.

For me personally I fluctuate between being comfortable saying "I should just feel grateful for my son" - which I do - and fitting in with and not feeling sad around our friends and siblings who have 2-4 children. It's really hard for my son, and I do mean that - he is confused and is the only, only. Now that he's 4.5 his questions about babies and brothers and sisters are things I can barely handle and navigate well in the privacy of my own home, much less gracefully in public. Or telling myself the positives about having an only child - I feel those are rational and soothing for people that desire one child? Maybe not those who have lost babies and always wanted a large family, or a sibling for their child?

Of course I say the statements one would expect, but the truth is it just doesn't make it easier or better or okay, and my heart skips a beat every time. Sometimes I cry.

My question is, do you feel comfortable around your friends and family with their multiple kids? Are you able to see it just as the way it is, or does your heart hurt? Does it keep the pain at the surface? Do you ever feel like the black sheep of the group or like people know your story and of it, but they don't say anything, and it can be awkward - at least for you- at times?

For me, I often feel this way. We are still in an emotional place, grieving 2 miscarriages and a failed DE cycle, and carefully handling the news of new cousins and third babies born to his friends families, which just totally stymies him. I run into the Moms from baby groups I went to 4 years ago, and they all have more children. Last week I got two emails from women who were in a wonderful IF support group with me earlier in my 30s... both sharing the news of their third children being born. I'm happy for them - they are great and have struggled too! But I literally am the only person I know who hasn't been able to make it happen, and while I know it's just luck and biology together, I feel like a failure and every announcement reinforces it further.

Would love to know how others are feeling if you are the only only family, or when around others and their multiple children - is it easy or hard for you?


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## helchris1981 (Oct 6, 2016)

Hi hopefulkate 😊

I can completely identify with what you are saying, I feel very upset some days and I am dreading my daughter, who is nearly 3, asking those questions. Im not sure if I'll answer it honestly or not? A friend of mine is an only child and she's a drama teacher and an amazing person, she says she never felt like she missed out (as most only children will tell you) and says it may mean our little girl is closer to us which is lovely, only children also make friends easier, I have friends that don't get on with their siblings and they'll often say "you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends" which is true! We are continuing with our fertility treatment but I'm more focused on our little girl and making sure she has everything she needs from us and focusing on taking her to classes and doing the things she loves which would be much harder if we had another child. And we're going to South Africa with her for my sister's wedding next year, something else that would be too expensive with a second child!


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