# Primmer's Adoption Journey



## Primmer

After changing from local authority to voluntary agency at initial stages, I really feel that the va is better for us as a couple both in their approach to the process and the after care offered. 

We have been to info evening and had initial meeting with sw which went well. We have just submitted our DBS Forms and our Application of Interest Form. 

We are provisionally booked on march 14 prep group as we are away in January when the dates for prep were, march seems so far away and yet once Christmas is over we are away for 3 weeks in Jan and so time will go quickly.


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## flickJ

Hello Primmer, I wanted to wish you the best of luck for March  

Best wishes for your Adoption journey


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## Primmer

Senior SW phoned today to see if we wanted to go on feb prep course they have just put on rather than March but unfortunately it is straight after our return from holiday and neither me or DH can get another four days off on top of our holiday so we will have to stick with march. Was nice if them to call though and so far they have all been so friendly.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Good luck with your journey. 2014 will hold very exciting times for you.


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## flickJ

That was kind of them to think of you, they must be feeling positive about you - march is not too far away though and I am sure you will enjoy every minute of prep


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## Primmer

We have both completed our chronology forms and emailed them to sw manager today so that forms are in before we go away. Starting to feel a little more real now, can't wait for prep in March now.


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## Primmer

Having spent over 3 weeks in Australia with my brothers family, the time spent with my beautiful nieces makes me even more determined to proceed with the adoption. With have prep course booked in march so not too far off now.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad you have had a wonderful holiday.  I think a holiday is a great idea before the intenseness of it all wish we'd had one x x


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## Primmer

Still waiting for our DBS searches back - it has taken over 2 months so far and still no joy!

Today we received our Stage 1 agreement to complete along with a template for our Eco-map and a family tree template so that we can do these. We also have to contact our doctors to arrange our medicals. They also provided a reading list for stage one. 

Seems like all of a sudden things are moving quickly at last !!!


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## Lizard39

Hi Primmer - really good to read you are now truely starting your adoption process & your VA sound fab at reaching out to you. March will be hear in no time for your Prep Group. 

Good luck xx


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## Primmer

We had the first two days of our prep course on tue & weds. Really enjoyed it, was good to meet other couples going through the same thing. Was really intense and thought provoking and learnt a lot. We got the last toe days of prep at the end of this month. 
I have my medical on Friday morning and my DH needs to book his. Our referees have all received their reference questionnaires to complete. So at last things are really moving forward. 
We also need to do our Eco map and family tree, just waiting for our va to email us with their electronic templates.


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## Primmer

Had our last day of prep course yesterday. Felt pleased to have finished it but also sad as enjoyed the course and spending time with the others. We have all joined a private ******** group so we can keep in touch with each other. 

We have also agreed to take part in a radio programme which will follow our journey each month from Easter to Christmas when if all goes well there is a chance we could be matched. 

I have had my medical and my DH has his next week. I am hoping all our references are back or will be shortly and we are going to start work this weekend on our family tree and Eco Map. 

Getting worried that our DBS checks are still not back yet as they were received by them in December and will be so annoying of this holds up the end of stage 1.


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## Handstitchedmum

Hi Primmer -- have they sent the forms off? It really shouldn't take long at all, so if you've not heard since December, I would query directly with DBS on whether they have received them. You may need to re-do them otherwise.


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## Primmer

Thanks Handstuchedmum - DBS have had forms since December and been with the police since December. DBS apparently wrote to the police to chase up their response but still nothing!


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## Primmer

So relieved our DBS Certificates have arrived  only took over 120 days!!!! The VA has said that they are waiting to hear from the medical adviser who is reviewing our medicals and also waiting to hear from DH's ex with a reference before we can move from stage 1 to stage 2. 
I really don't think that DH's ex will provide a reference as they sent it over a month ago and also sent a reminder but still no response from her


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Sorry to hear you are still playing the waiting game   It's horrible. But once you get to homepstudy the time will fly by!! Good luck xxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad dbs checks are finally back. I'd ask your agency ehst steps they are taking to get the reference back. Realistically after a month someone has either forgotten or isn't really intending on doing it.  Either way they need to take action to encourage her or accept they aren't getting it. Good luck x x


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## Primmer

Yay it's finally happened! Received a voicemail message from VA today to say we are now on stage two and they will be in touch shortly to confirm who our sw is and with a panel date! So happy! Feels like we have been waiting ages for this news! Stage 2 here we come


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## Primmer

We now have a panel date of 15 October!!!  
Just waiting for our allocated sw to contact us to fix date for our first stage 2 meeting. 
Exciting


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news xx


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## Primmer

Have our first meting with SW on Monday morning to go through the Stage 2 Agreement and to fix dates for the rest of our meetings. Starting to fee more real now!


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic the next few months will fly you'll be approved before you know xxx


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## Primmer

We met our sw for the first time last Monday and she fixed in dates for us to have 4 stage 2 meetings, the first is this week and is both me and DH then next week it is just me then there is a break due to sw holidays and then DH has his meeting on his own with sw and then towards the end of August we have a final meeting together. 

The sw seemed really nice and gave us our hmework for the entire stage 2 for us to do in our own time. I asked what parts of the homework would be useful to our first meeting this week and DH and I did those parts over the weekend so feel that we are as ready as we can be for the meeting on Wednesday. 

Feels really positive to be actually doing things and having meetings, fingers crossed all goes ok at this stage.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Its amazing how much better you feel when a there's a plan properly in place xx


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Great news! I agree with Diva, organisation is key for me and having things all planned out is a great feeling. You'll be at panel before you know it


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## Tw1nk82

So exciting for you primmer good luck with everything xx


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## flickJ

Good luck with everything, Primmer, it is all sounding very good for you


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## Primmer

All seems to be going well in stage 2 so far. I had my attachment interview with our sw last week and my DH has his next week and so we have no visits this week and so trying to spend some time doing a bit more of the homework and also having a clear out of the rooms which have become cluttered. 

Spent yesterday afternoon writing an account of our family backgrounds and childhoods and emailed it to sw last night. Still got quite a bit of homework to do but getting through it and sw is quite relaxed about it and has just asked that we try to do it all before our last session. 

I am going to try and do a bit one evening this week and some more over the weekend so that we keep on top of the homework. 

We also have questionnaires to complete on health & safety, pets, and finances so still lots to do! 

So far though I have enjoyed it as it's good to feel like you are doing something after all the waiting around during stage 1.


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## Primmer

We had our last stage 2 sw visit today which seems surreal. Homework all done and sent to sw as were the questionnaires. Nothing for us to do for now until sw sends us the first draft of the Par report. Sw is going to contact dh's daughter to visit her and also 3 of our referees.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Eeeeeeekkkkkkkk nearly there x


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## Primmer

Had been getting worried as hadn't heard from SW and dates for PAR report completion were getting closer and closer but SW met with my parents today and is meeting another one of our references tomorrow and apparently she hopes to email draft PAR to us by Friday so we can read and comment on it over the weekend as her manager has asked to see the PAR next Wednesday for his input. Suddenly hopes to be moving again and really hope it all does meet deadlines so that our Panel can still go ahead.


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## Primmer

Today could be the day we see our draft PAR for the first time. Our SW is seeking another of our referees today so she will have met 3 on total. We had a couple if emails from sw last night requesting further info on a couple of points and a form to
Complete and we did all of that last night. Fingers crossed we get to see it today or at least over the weekend so we have time to read through it all and make any changes. Starting to feel real now


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Eek so exciting!! Any news? Here's hoping


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Fantastic all getting close xx


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## Primmer

No draft PAR as yet, lost count of amount of times I have refreshed my email today. Fingers crossed for tomorrow!


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## Primmer

We received our draft PAR last night and whilst there are a few sections sw still needs to complete and a few typos and mistakes, both me and DH were really pleased with it. We made the changes we wanted and emailed it back to sw and she should complete it today and submit it to get manager tomorrow.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Fabulous I found reading ours very strange you don't often read a load of pages about yourself.  Xx


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## Handstitchedmum

Awesome Primmer! Approval panel will be done soon! Have you thought about matching? You can sign up to websites and attend activity days.


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## Primmer

PAR report finalised and forms completed to confirm that we will be attending panel. 
About a week and a half to go to panel, half of me can't believe we are that close and the other half is panicking that we are nearly there. 

We had said 1 child between 0 and 3 and then increased it to 0 to 4 or SW's manager asked us to consider increasing the age up to 5 on the grounds that there are not many young children available but we have decided to stick to ages 0 to 4. We are willing to consider a child with quite a few issues and so hope this means we won't have to wait too long for a match.


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## Tw1nk82

Just wanted to say good luck with panel on wednesday. So exciting xxxx


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## Primmer

Well panel did not go to plan  

We have been deferred on the grounds that our PAR report needs to be rewritten so that once approved we have the best chance of getting matched with a child. The chair of the panel felt that the report did not sell us enough as parents or highlight our strengths. She thought that it was repetitive and contained some errors which could result in the report being bottom of the pile when a child's sw was looking for the right parents.

They apologised that this had not been picked up earlier so that we could avoided the horrible position of turning up to panel waiting for an hour and then being told that panel wanted to defer. I still don't understand how it want picked up when she's manager read the report twice and it was checked by a quality assurance manager! 

The  VA's director for our area is now involved  and together with the sw and the sw's manager they are putting together an action plan on rewriting the report and with a new date for panel. We are supposed to be hearing from them by the end if today so will have to take it from there but really hope we can get to don't before the end if the year.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Huge hugs that's awful hope it's sorted ASAP xxx


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## Sq9

So sorry to hear that primer.  That should have been picked up way before panel.  Hope it gets resolved very quickly. Big hugs


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## Tw1nk82

I cant believe they have done that to you. Like others have said it should have all been discussed before you turned up to panel. Hope they sort it out for you soon xxxx


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## Primmer

Well we have a new panel date of 19 November and we are having 2 more visits with our sw to assist in rewriting the par report. Do think that sw should have spent longer with us during stage 2 visits and maybe if she had she would have a better understanding of us.

I still feel angry about last week and believe it should have been picked up earlier to avoid putting us in that awful position at panel. However, I do want the report to be the best it can be and our new panel date is not too far away so just trying to look forwards.


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## liveinhope

Glad to hear there is a plan!


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## Primmer

Well our 2nd attempt at panel is a week tomorrow and I feel sick at the thought of it.

The action plan after the last panel was that our sw would visit us on 2 more occasions and would rewrite the PAR. The rewritten PAR was then to be checked by sw manager, a director and the advisor to panel. 

We haven't seen our sw at all since the last panel date. The PAR has been rewritten and is a lot better. It has also been checked my the manager, a director and the panel adviser. It is due to be sent to panel members today.

After last time I keep thinking that something will go wrong again 😢


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Hugs babe I'm glad report is much better but really cross about lack of visits etc. Xxxxxx


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## Maccer

Hi Primmer, 

Good luck at panel I hope the PAR is a lot better this time.

Maccer xxx


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## Primmer

At last we have been approved !! It was worth deferring to improve the way the PAR was written though as so may of the panel members said what a great report it was now. We got a unanimous approval on Wednesday and it has felt surreal since!

Excitingly we  were emailed 10 profiles yesterday by our family finder and of the 10 there was only 2 we ruled out due to the severity of their medical conditions which we felt would be too much for us and so we enquired and asked for further details on 8 little boys - I know that we may not hear anything further if the child's SW's are not interested but if felt good to see that many profiles 2 days after panel approval.


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh congratulations!!!! So happy for you after what you went through. Sounds like it was all meant to be, although can understand it must have been horrible at the time. Good luck finding your match, sounds like it might be a blue one, Heehee xxx


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## Tw1nk82

Lovely to read your update primmer brilliant news and so exciting about the profiles xxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Really pleased for you happy family finding xxxx


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## liveinhope

Wow that's great Primmer!


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## Primmer

It's 3 weeks tomorrow since approval panel and we have still not received our ratification letter. Our sw was going to chase it up last week but I haven't heard anything
Our sw emailed yesterday to confirm that we had been added to the adoption register.
We must have seen over 60 profiles now, most of which we have expressed interest in reading their CPRs but have heard nothing further and only one CPR was provided. I assume it's because there are so many adopters interested in the children that the child's sw doesn't provide CPR if they feel they have enough interest already or if they have a family in mind. 
I realise it's still early days for us in terms of time since approval but can't help wanting to find our lo as soon as possible and so feeling frustrated when shown an amazing profile not to hear anything further. Praying we find our lo soon


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## Sq9

Congratulations on your approval primer   . Hope your lo finds their way to you very soon


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## Primmer

Well 12 weeks after approval and having seen lots of profiles and having not really got anywhere, we are due to meet the social workers next Wednesday for a boy whose profile we saw at an exchange day a few weeks ago. We don't know how many other families the socials workers are also visiting as well as us but keeping everything crossed that the meeting goes well next week


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## liveinhope

Great news Primmer, Keep us posted


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## Primmer

Feeling excited!!! The little blue's sw confirmed today that they want to proceed with us and we want to proceed with them and so things are moving. 
His social worker is visiting him this week and will try and get us a dvd and they are also providing/requesting a few reports we would like to see. They will then arrange for us to meet the foster carers and a medical professional. 
Can't believe it !!!!


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## -x-Lolly-x-

Oh wow that's so brilliant! Congratulations mummy to be, so very happy for you!


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing news congratulations xxx


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## Sq9

Congratulations


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## Dame Edna

Wow Primmer, a little blue  

I remember it all so well    Enjoy the ride  

Congratulations!
X


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## Primmer

In April our link to our little blue feel through leaving us heart broken and at present his social workers have decided that blue is not in a position to be adopted by us or anyone else for the foreseeable future as quite a few unforeseeable issues have arisen with him  

We are hopefully being visited next Thursday by the social workers for a little pink and whilst she sound lovely and we have seen photos and a lovely dvd we are finding it hard to get excited after the last link falling through. I really hope that meeting her social worker and manager and finding out more about her will make it seem more real and therefore will help us feel more excited again   and that it proves to be right for all of us


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Hugs so heart braking being cautious after being hurt makes sense I'm sure that the meeting will bring the reassurance you need xxx


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## Sq9

Xxx


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## Primmer

We are linked to 3yr old pink and she is just lovely! We have matching panel booked in for end of August and will meet medical practitioner and foster carer the week before. 

We are planning to start getting the bedroom ready and the first job is to move the big wardrobe out which will involve emptying it, taking it about and then reassembling it in our study. Just hope we can put it back together!

Our only concern is that bm is taking advice on appealing care/placement order and that this may delay matters although at present la have said they want to press on with panel obviously this may change if court action is actually taken. We assume that this is because bm has been told about adoption with view to contact with lo being stopped which I understand must be hard for her. Just so worrying for us all.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Congratulations and hugs for the stress.  Enjoy as much as you can looking back I was so stressed I didn't enjoy being an expectant mother and wish I had relished getting everything ready.  Easier said than done though xxx


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## Primmer

Coming up to a year since approval and in that time the 2 links we have had have been fallen through, first a 4 year old boy and then a 3 year old girl. Feeling rather hopeless at the moment, no profiles being provided by our sw and not many children available at all having kept checking the websites etc. 
wish I had a crystal ball to see if we ever are successfully matched to a little one or whether to give up now


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Primer must be so hard I have no words really as I wouldn't want to try and accidentally patronise you.  It's bizarre times and innocent people are the ones suffering and being let down xx


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