# Adoption Buddies anyone? Prep Group Summer 2013 & hoping approval early 2014



## Lizard39

Hello,

We have our Prep Group in July & are hoping to be approved by early 2014. Thought it might be nice to chat to others who are going through their adoption journey the same sort of timescales as us so we can share stories, HS, tips for homework etc. 

The thread might be quiet for afew months til July, but then hopefully might get busier as we go through the process.

Thanks

Lizard xxx


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## Handstitchedmum

That's about our timeline too (prep group June/July). There are a few more with similar dates. I'm sure they will join in.


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## Marley49

Me!!!! 


My prep is on the 9th of May - eeek!!! So really soon now! I will be able to give you the heads up... Xx


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## ariellamcbella

Hi our prep group starts 29th May.

we expect to have a similar timeline (approval early 2014).

xx


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## Lizard39

Look forward to getting to know you all over the coming weeks and months. It will be fab being able to share our experiences and pool tips & advice!   

I'm alittle in limbo at mo, but thinking about some of the homework we'll have to do & starting on that! Already got my Mum looking up addresses and dates for me during my childhood as we have to provide the full address and dates of everywhere we have lived - thank goodness for google maps and street view otherwise could never remember the addresses from uni.


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## Marley49

I've just started my wish list on amazon too!! I'm actually ordering some of it today though as I have a health and safety visit on the 14th of May so I want to be prepared for that! Xx


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## Sun Flower

Hi ladies
We have initial info session on 21st May and then hopefully first home visit in June. Bit worried about missing out on this round of prep dates though as DH has been told he cannot take annual leave during July or Aug so if prep falls then will I have to wait a few months until the next one? I don't do patience very well!   

Hope it all falls into place with dates and we can be going to panel in the new year too, fingers crossed for us all

Sun flower x


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## Mummy DIY Diva

I'm prep one day a week for four weeks as of 12th June x


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## ariellamcbella

Oh my! Everywhere we have ever lived? I think I may end up resenting my parents by the end of that one!!! And I think I better get started on that now! That will definitely be a demanding challenge! haha

Oh good one! That means I can get started on the wishlists too...and I have proof it isn't just me, and backup - so the husband can't say a thing!  

Exciting isn't it? x


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## Handstitchedmum

Hehe, I've had a secret wish list for years! As our range is 0-9 with no preferred gender, I really can't buy anything. Instead, I spoil my niece!


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## Sun Flower

I've started my wish lists on amazon and mother care tonight!


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## Inmydreams

Me too.. We had the phone call from the SW yesterday to say we can officially apply to adopt and our prep group will be September which is  really exciting so hopefully we can all share our experiences and support each other. 
X


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## Lizard39

Think I'm missing out here - I haven't even thought about creating a wish list! 

HSMum - does your LA/VA encourage such a big age range of child/ren you'd like to adopt? We have to tick our preference and it was 0-2, 2-4 or over 4 years old.

Bella - not sure if its just our LA or all who require every single address you have ever lived at, and including months. Although we have got to submit it for ages I just thought I might as well get cracking on with thinks I can do. Also done both mine and hubbies family trees as know we will need to do them.

Question for all - think I'll end up doing most of our homework - love hubby to bits and he has many strengths but stuff like researching our local area for children friendly stuff to do and the ecomap thingy just isn't one of them! Think I'll end up doing 80% & first draft and them we'll finalise together. Is that the same for everyone else or will you split up the homework?


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## Sun Flower

Hi lizard
We are the same in our house! I've started lists of groups and schools close to us, plus I've started an adoption file where I keep all of my scribbled notes and info which I find from books, Internet etc.. Anything that will help with the homework, I've done a bit most days and in the evening I show it to DH and he agrees, adds his suggestions etc and then I tweak it. However, once we get homework from the SW I will make sure we sit and do it together, I think we both have to feel part of it, and since DH read an adoption book (I've read 5 from the library) he talks about it more now, which I love, rather than me talking about it and him just nodding


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## ariellamcbella

Hi Lizard...

Well...I don't know if my VA will, but now you said about it I just couldn't let it go...So I have spent a large part of today collating addresses. And oh yes...with everything in our house I do all the research, first drafts without trying to sound sexist, I think it is a natural urge for us to get on with it...men seem to have a sense of 'I will do it when it needs to be done and not before'. Am not trying to apply a stereotype because I truly know there are exceptions to every rule...my best buddy for one...but out of all the people I have spoken to this seems to be general consensus!

Each time I write something up, we sit down together and read it through and anything he doesn't agree with, he lets me know and we change it...but if I didn't do it that way it truly wouldn't get done. 

Sun Flower...Sounds a lot like my past few weeks - since we have the initial visit and got invited to prep I can't think about anything else...so I do a bit each day..I think I have a dissertation going on!!!! lol

x


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## Marley49

Question...

We have our prep course this week and our SW has already emailed us loads of forms to complete.. I.e family tree, Eco map, formal application, personal narrative (about 29 pages) medical forms and references! Is everyone else doing this at this stage?! I don't really know what I'm talking about and hope I'm filling it in alright!! - although I have already had some great advice on here about how to fill things 

Really looking forward to prep this week.. We also have a health and safety visit booked in shortly after that!


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## Handstitchedmum

Lizard39 said:


> HSMum - does your LA/VA encourage such a big age range of child/ren you'd like to adopt? We have to tick our preference and it was 0-2, 2-4 or over 4 years old.


They understand our reasons for the age range and have not questioned it. It helps that we have demonstrated our experience with and our commitment to children of all ages through our volunteer work. We also have made it clear that age range is something we wish to speak to our social worker about, and we would consider his recommendations seriously.

Genuinely, we do not feel age is a significant factor for us. There are reasons we prefer both ends of that spectrum, but we would never say no if the right child was 5 rather than 0 or 9.


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## Lizard39

Sunflower & Bella - guess us ladies are the organised ones  

Marley - wow, lots of homework! Do you have to do it all before prep? I'd made an assumption it was discussed as HS at the beginning and then you do it for the specific HS weeks you'll be discussing that topic - think I'll have to find out from our LA. Trouble is, we aren't officially accepted by them yet - the SW said we are really strong candidates and they unofficially accepted us & booked onto prep in July but if they officially accepted our application now then the clock starts ticking & they only have 6 months to get us to panel - hence I have to phone up in June - hope that makes sense! 

HSMUM - the more I read the adoption threads the more its becomes clear its about matching the right child/ren and age is only one factor. It will be good to explore with your SW during the HS - and I think we'll also learn a lot about ages of children during prep group.

In my dreams - fab news you can apply and are booked into prep in September. Enjoy the summer & do all those things you want to as might be your last summer as a two! Xx

Enjoy the long weekend everyone - and the sun is shining which is a huge bonus! 

Lizard xx


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## Sun Flower

Hi ladies  
We have started thinking about our family tree, are you doing one each or a large joint one? Not sure what is required? I want to make a start, althoug SW hasn't asked for it, or even mentioned it yet! But I like to be organised! 

Marley, I have heard and read about all of those things, but seems a bit mind blowing to be given the all at the same time, maybe they will for part of your group discussions on the prep course? Good to get them done, I'm always trying to be one step ahead, hence my question about family trees!

Hsmum, I think your SW will be thrilled that you have such a wide age range in mind, those ages would also cover most sibling groups waiting, so lots to think about and discuss. Good luck 

Lizard, hope you are enjoying the sunshine, I've  been painting the garden fence, just popped back in for a cuppa and the clouds have arrived, looking very gloomy, really hope it doesn't rain on my wet paint! 

ArielLamcbella, how is the essay coming along?! Sorry I mean prep paperwork! I am working on a family tree as this weekends task, not asked for by SW yet but feel the need to get it done. What are you working on today?

Hope everyone is having a good weekend

xxxx


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## ariellamcbella

Hi All

Marley - no - we aren't even officially "Invited to apply" yet. For us, this will not be until we have completed the prep course (our VA likes you to go away and think about it for a couple of days after prep so that you have time to discuss it etc) and then it's 6 months from being matched with SW to going to panel usually with them apparently. I think it depends on the way your LA/VA operate - it may be that they want to assign you very quickly after prep and get your first meeting going pretty quickly after that!  good luck for prep!!!!

Sun Flower - Family Trees - I have done a basic one with both of us on... (but because my parents and their parents are from divorced and reconstituted  families I did a more in depth one for my maternal side and then paternal side)...it's because my family is so extended that it all gets a bit complicated (especially as we all see each other quite a lot so can't just block that part of the family out). I think general rule of thumb is go back to grandparents and show DOB's or Age at Death and any significant illnesses (diabetes etc). That is unless you have further extended family that you see regularly. And thanks the essay *ahem* prep work is coming along dandy...had a weekend off as took a 5yr old and 17yr old camping for the weekend (not sure if I'd call it a weekend off though - it's hard pleasing everyone with that sort of age gap! haha)

Lizard - Of course we are the organised ones...else it's be them on here checking out the information!  And let's face it, in every successful couple there has to be one organised person surely I was positive you couldn't have success without organisation so I must be correct in believing that! lol


Hope everyone's been enjoying this unusually fab (but happy to keep it like it is) weekend!!!

xx


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## MummyAuntieKatie

Handstitchedmum said:


> Lizard39 said:
> 
> 
> 
> HSMum - does your LA/VA encourage such a big age range of child/ren you'd like to adopt? We have to tick our preference and it was 0-2, 2-4 or over 4 years old.
> 
> 
> 
> They understand our reasons for the age range and have not questioned it. It helps that we have demonstrated our experience with and our commitment to children of all ages through our volunteer work. We also have made it clear that age range is something we wish to speak to our social worker about, and we would consider his recommendations seriously.
> 
> Genuinely, we do not feel age is a significant factor for us. There are reasons we prefer both ends of that spectrum, but we would never say no if the right child was 5 rather than 0 or 9.
Click to expand...

We had originally said 0-6 but were approved (without any input from us) for up to 3 children of any age! I was shocked as I thought they would tie us down.


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## Marley49

I am really not sure why we are having to do so much and having our first H/S meeting in between perp dates seems strange!! But then we know that adoption is what we want, we haven't even TTC and have gone straight for adoption... So I'm hoping prep doesn't scare us off!

Day off today and did set myself the goal of getting more paperwork done and filling more in of the personal narrative but I've just got the Eco Map done instead.. It's been such a nice day! 

What age ranges have everyone gone for at the moment ? We have initially said 1 child under 4 I wonder how realistic that will be.

It's days like this when I wish I was outside (with sunbeam) playing with my LO and not just day dreaming but in sure that it will be around soon enough!

Sorry to ramble on..

Hope everyone else is ok and have had a lively bank holiday weekend. Xx


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## ariellamcbella

Marley - Is your prep not all in one go? That might be why. We have 3 days of prep back to back, then apply...

And I know what you mean, we have TTC but knowing that we would have fertility probs from the go, and said from the beginning we wouldn't want fertility treatment, just TTC naturally for as long as we felt was 'significant enough' to be able to look back and say "we tried" so that if emotions ever 'come back' about us not being able to have a birth child, we can say we actually tried and not look back with any regrets...but were certain (and happy) that we would end up where we are today.

And I as for the doing stuff...I have a lot of young kids around (firends/relatives children) so I end up organising quite a lot of family oriented events/trips...takes some of that away for me.

DH and I are hoping to adopt a sibling group of 2 aged between 3-7. I think if that's your preference and you can show you are suitable, it's entirely realistic!  x


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## Lizard39

Marley - ramble away!   I know what you mean about days like today and playing with your LO. Hubby and i have just sat in the back of our garden on some new steps we have put in which lead to our veggie plot catching the last of the sun with a glass of wine and we said hopefully   next summer we might be sitting here with our LO - think it will be all of our favourite place in the garden   good for you doing lots of homework - think its the ecomap which will be most tricky - as there are hundreds of different ways of doing it I think! Hubby and I have talked a lot about ages & number of children - we have initially said under 2 years old & don't mind if 1 or 2 children. However the more we think about it, we know we could cope with 2 children, but actually as we have got older we kinda see ourselves as a family of three now - so   for 1 child under 2 years old and if we are really lucky about 10-18 months old  

AuntieKatie - Wowsers...approved for 3 children of any age   Am I right in thinking on main adoption thread you have been linked    how many children & what age? 

Bella (do you mind me calling you that or would you prefer ariellamcbella?) - hope you had fab weather for camping - hope you had fun looking after the 5 year old & 17 year old! Know what you mean about not having any regrets in the future. Hubby & I tried 2 IFV and felt we gave it our best shot, before deciding adoption is for us. On that subject - sorry to be personal but are you using contraception now? We are 100% committed to adoption, but not using contraception, but also not TTC. I think I have read that it comes up in HS? 

Sunflower - hope you got the garden fence painted? We have been painting, decorating & also in the garden too this weekend doing lots of weeding. I love being in the garden - find it so relaxing.

Hello to everyone else


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## Handstitchedmum

Hello all! We have been spring cleaning and now enjoying a BBQ.

If we can move house in time, I think we will be approved for up to two children 0-9. We talked more this weekend and agreed that the "best case scenario" would be an older child (4-9) with a "newborn" sibling. We would love siblings but only with a big age gap (5+ years). This satisfies our desire to adopt an older child as well as experience raising a baby. We would be more flexible about the age of the younger child (0-3) as the match for the older child matters most. I am also fine with concurrency as we would be open to direct contact.

If we can't sell the house, well, it will be one 0-9 year old for us!


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## MummyAuntieKatie

Lizard39 said:


> AuntieKatie - Wowsers...approved for 3 children of any age  Am I right in thinking on main adoption thread you have been linked  how many children & what age?


Hello! 

Yes, we are 'linked' to a little Bluebird currently aged 2 (just turned 2)... We had wanted one or more probably 2 LOs aged 2 or 3 up to about 6 realistically but they convinced us we could go down to 0. I don't know where the 3 of any age came from but I think there was a feeling that if they did approve us for that many then if a BM was to have another we were already pre-approved? There were no sibling groups suitable after panel and our SW's manager mentioned this LO as a possible. I know SW was really keen to link us to sibs but after seeing LO's profile it seems like a match made in heaven. He's been waiting a long time through no fault of his own and now she's thrilled to bits because she says it was serendipity that kept him hanging on for us... We just hope Matching Panel see it the same way  . We have a little way to go but I think (??) that we could be bringing him home if all goes well around July...!! 

I am now pleased we are linked to a single, I'm thinking that despite wanting sibs to keep them together and give them a blood bond with someone else in our family that actually it will be nice to be able to give one special LO that one to one time.


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## Marley49

Auntie Katie that's wonderful!! 

My prep is split up down the middle two days this week and two days at the end of the month so certainly different to what everyone else I'd doing!

I really am hoping for a child as young as possible and if anythjng under play school/ school age.. I know that may sound selfish but I really want those early years!! 

I've already started chrotcheting a blanket...!!! xx


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## ariellamcbella

Hi All

Would just like to say this has become my fave part of the day - getting home from work, having that 5 minute rest with a drink and the laptop and catching up on what everyone's been up to, and where they are at with everything!! 

That's Fab Auntie Katie!! Hope it all goes well!

Lizard - Bella is fine, I just didn't know what to call myself and that sprang to mind! lol And don't worry I am not offended by 'personal' questions...things are soon going to get very personal after all...might as well practice at being open...Yeah we have reinstated use of contraception, but not because I think there is any real point apart from they could argue that if we aren't, then no matter how small there is a risk we could still have a birth child during the process which would be counter productive for them...and camping wasn't great weather, but it was ok for camping - meant the tent was a bearable temp (oonly issue was that our airbeds really need replacing so we all woke up stiff and cold Sunday morning as we had deflated to the floor! lol)

Handstitchedmum - good luck with the house!! hope it all gets sorted for you and that you can get your house sold in time!

Marley - That's not selfish...if you know you would really miss those baby years if you didn't have them, it would probably be resented in the future, and a possible cause for problems later, so it's actually quite fair of you to say...and I can't crochet, but am patchworking 2 single quilted blankets! haha not even 'invited' to apply yet - I am a bit eager! lol

If I have missed anyone/anything I apologise...the sun has really affected my ability to read! lol

xx


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## Primmer

Its great to read what you are all doing. The LA said that social worker would phone within 2-3 weeks of open evening to arrange first visit. It will be 3 weeks on Thursday and haven't heard anything yet - I know adoption is full of waiting but just want to get started !!!!!!


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## Marley49

Hi to everyone! 

Prep for us tomorrow - nervous!!

Just had an email from our social worker to say our dogs.. As we have 3 and they consider them as a pack will have to have a independant pet assesment!! Not that we are worried as they are scrumptious but it's still another thing to be nervous about! 

Xx


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## Primmer

Hi Marley, good luck starting prep tomorrow, let us know how it goes. That's interesting about your doggies - we have 1 dog and have just started more training with him to hopefully calm him down as he can be lively, so hope that helps us with sw!!!


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## Lizard39

How exciting Marley - think you are the first to start Prep - we have 7wks 5 days to go...but who's counting  good luck & let us know how you get on? We have been thinking about getting a dog for a year, but that's on hold now for a couple of years as getting our LO home is our priority and don't think SW would look favourable on us getting a dog now when neither hubby or I have had one in the past. Good to hear your are all well behaved. 

Primmer -any news today? Maybe give them a call on Friday if you still haven't heard? 

Bella - must admit I love reading this and all the adoption threads at mo - learning so much about all elements which will help us during the process.

Hi the everyone else


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## ariellamcbella

Oooooooh! Good luck Marley!! Let us know how it goes! Ah, that sucks that you have to have the pet assessment, but then again, I guess it's good that they are checking all areas (not saying your doggies are horrid, as am sure they are lovely, but with all the dog attacks on children in the news I guess they have to take that into consideration). We have exactly 3 weeks until ours starts (and then it's Weds, Thurs, Fri...and then we find out if we can officially apply)!!!

And Primmer I agree with Lizard; if you haven't heard anything by then, call them Friday.

Can anyone think of anything exciting/romantic that doesn't cost the earth that can be done in August...mine and DH anniversary then and we wanted to 'do something special' as it might be our last chance for a while (sept - dec he usually works 12 hour days mid week and cant take time off so just wants to laze around at home weekends to recoup...and then hopefully panel will be shortly after etc etc) x


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## Lizard39

Bella - do you live anywhere near a river or canal where you can go punting or hire a little rowing boat and then have a picnic with champagne? Day trip to the beach with picnic?  What about booking a fab restaurant for a lazy lunch - some 1 star Mitchell restaurants do a set 3 course lunch for about £20-30 each. Spa day (depending if hubby likes that sort of thing) and you can get lots of deals. Also how about signing up to Groupon as they have loads of different deals on stuff - my brother raves about the deals. That's my list at mo - I'll have another think and let you know if I come up with anything.


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## Marley49

Thanks for all your good lucks... Really excited/nervous now... God knows what I will be like tomorrow! 

I will make sure I take notes so that I remember everything to tell you guys tomorrow evening! 

With regards to my dogs I have a chihuahua, a sausage dog and a jack Russell... So slightly hyper dogs but very sweet. I can completly understand why they do the assesment though.

Xx


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## Marley49

Bella.. We have booked up our favourite hotel.. Which is "Malmaison" thy are all over the country and are really unique. They also do some great deals too on their offer page... Just a thought x


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## Lizard39

Marley - just had to giggle...when you said you dogs are considered a pack because you had 3 I had this image of 3 big dogs like wolves   and you have 3 gorgeous little dogs which I find funny that they are called a pack!


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## Marley49

Lizard it made me laugh too!!! Especially as my sausages legs are so short he likes to be carried everywhere!!!! x


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## MummyAuntieKatie

Read up on The Pack thing and you will find that it's an old way of thinking of dogs.  Modern thinking is that dogs have family groups, not packs, therefore you can't think in the same way as the SW probably think.  There is unlikely to be a 'pack leader' and if there is a then it won't be one of you because you are not dogs and can't communicate in the same way.  It's complicated and I'm no expert but don't let them try and pigeon hole you into that old school thinking, better that you re educate them.  Good luck!!


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## ariellamcbella

Haha....Marley...Love it...I have images of a lil sausage dog trying to start (and lead) a riot!!! And never heard of that chain of hotels before but they look awesome... (I will put that to the list that lizard kindly suggested....and hopefully I can get the DH to agree to at least some (i'm hoping all) of that!  Hope Prep went ok today!

Lizard - yes  I live on the England/Wales border...rivers are within easy reach (several within an hours drive)...and I already have groupon but hadn't even thought about looking! thanks for the reminder! 

AuntieKatie...though it won't affect us, I think I am going to read up on that cause it has intrigued me! 

Hi everyone else! x


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## Marley49

Well what a day!! First day of Prep went really well although now we are both exhausted even though we both have stressful jobs - it's just very intense.

Morning was introductions and talking about the adoption process which was really helpful and informative. Learnt about direct placements/concurrency which is something I hadn't really heard of before and something we will be seriously thinking about.

Afternoon looking at case studies and group Tasks.

Overall a really enjoyable day and I feel like we are so much closer to our final goal! 

Xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news glad it went really well x x


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## MummyAuntieKatie

ariellamcbella said:


> AuntieKatie...though it won't affect us, I think I am going to read up on that cause it has intrigued me!


There's lots on it if you google but here is one link I just found which seemed well written: http://www.tarynblyth.co.za/articles/pack-theory-fact-or-fiction/


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## Inmydreams

Hi all... So much going on I've only been away a week or so! Auntie Katie.. I'm going to look at the link about the pack thing with dogs as we have two dogs and im sure they will come up at some point. Thanks for that  
We have our prep dates now which start 4th Sept and run one day a week for three weeks. 
Marley49.. Glad your first day of prep went well too.
X


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## Marley49

Second day of prep was just amazing although can't talk too much about it!! 

We have had a phone call from someone who is going to come and asses our dogs.. Need to call her back and arrange a time. I really must teach my dogs some manners in the meantime...

It's hard going back to the reality of work today, I loved my little bubble where all I was thinking and talking about was adoption!

IMD - that will soon come around believe me! 

Auntie Katie - thanks for that link... Very helpful! 



Hope everyone else is ok?

Xx


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## flickJ

Glad  the prep course is going well Marley  , good luck with the dogs, I hope they behave themselves  for you.
Our dogs had an assessment last year and I think I was more worried about it than them, they just took it in there stride.


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## happypenguin

Hi ladies

Just wanted to say 'hello' and hope I can pop in here and contribute even though I'm a little bit ahead 

We are applying for concurrency, we had our Prep Group for Adoption 2 weeks ago (alongside the Skills To Foster course too) and have started our HS.
We'll be hopefully done and dusted by the end of the year but it would be lovely to wander by this thread and see where everyone is up to


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## Sun Flower

Hi ladies
I'm interested in the dog assessment, we have 2. What does the assessment cover? 

Happy penguin, hello   would be great to have your knowledge and expertise on this thread, as you are slightly ahead can you share some thoughts, what can we expect at prep? What topics have you covered at home study so far? 

We have been offered a last minute place on a prep course starting this week, scared and excited! Feels rushed and not sure we are ready, but think it's just nerves. However, I am worried as we have been asked to sign official application and hand in on first day of prep, is this standard practice? We are also interested in another LA which has first info session in a couple of weeks, but by then we will be 'committed' to the prep course LA, stresses me out thinking about it....any thoughts? What should we do??


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## Marley49

Sun Flower just go what with you think is best and feels right. Just because one is sooner doesn't mean that it's the right one. Saying that I went with my first one... Just because they felt right.

With regards to dog assesment I can update more when it's completed but we have to fill in a massive questionnaire and then they visit for 3 hours seeing them in the home environment and then out on a walk! 

Health and safety visit for us tomorrow! Xx


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## Sun Flower

Thanks Marley
for us, fate intervened and DH was called to an emergency at work, and his leave was cancelled so no prep course for us this week, but we have been offered July so back on the same timescales as before, which feels better and less rushed.

Thats interesting that they observe the dogs on a walk, we should be fine as they are very well behaved out and about and always come back when we call them (usually because we have tasty treats in our pocket) but whatever works! However, in the hosue its a different story, they both just want to jump on visitors and lick them to death!  

good luck with your H&S visit tomorrow
x


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## Primmer

I chased up my LA today as we were supposed to be contacted by a SA by last Thursday to arrange initial home visit. I have been told the name of the SW we have been allocated and told to call her direct if I have not heard from her by the end of the week.


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## flickJ

Good luck, hope everything goes well and you get an answer soon - I found the time between Initial interest and getting to the visiting stage, was very hard.   I tried to be patient.

Most LA's seem to be finding difficulties at the moment, as the new changes come into effect. We have been delayed until the end of next month. At least you have the name of someone to call now and I hope you get good news soon


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## Primmer

How is everyone doing? I heard from sw today and we have our initial home visit next Thursday !!!!


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## ariellamcbella

Hi Everyone! 

Wow Marley - sounds amazing!!! And sounds like you have been really busy. Could it be that you are on the new shortened version of application??

Congrats Primmer...glad things are finally moving for you!!!

SunFlower...glad that things are working out - nothing worse than feeling pressured!!!

Hope everyone else is doing well...have prepared everything I can to answer any questions I can think of, prep starts 2 weeks today...not that I'm counting!    

x


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## flickJ

Good luck with your initial visit Primmer, I've got my fingers crossed for you   

Best of luck for your prep course ariellamcbella, enjoy yourself -  I'm sure you will be fine.


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## Lizard39

Hi Everyone  

Had a busy week with work, so haven't had chance to catch-up with everyone's news! But here goes....

Primmer - this time next week   I found the initial SW visit ok - was alittle weird talking about yourselves for 3 hours, but was fine! I'll dig out a previous post of mine which lists all the topics we discussed.

Bella - Prep in 2 weeks not long to wait! You & Marley will soon be our Prep Group Queens  

Sunflower - glad you are back to Prep in July & you are happier with the timescales. We are July too and will be here before we know! 

Marley - how was the Health & Safety visit? When you said 'you can't mention too much about day 2 of prep' is that because your LA says you aren't able to? 

Hello Gwyneth, in my dreams, flick, happy penguin & auntie katie. Hope you are all well.

Nothing to report from us. Should be reading my adoption book, but find reading all the various adoption threads on here more valuable!


----------



## bluedreams

Just thought I'd say a quick hello to everyone.  We go to prep group starting with an evening in June and then officially on the 4th July   Hope you dont mind me joining in and hello to everyone! xx


----------



## flickJ

Hello Bluedreams, glad to have you aboard and good luck with your journey


----------



## Marley49

Bella - yes we are on the shortened version.. We even got our panel date on our h&s visit!!!!!! It's...... 22:11:13 I can't believe it!!!!

Lizard - we have signed a confidentiality form so just didn't want to breach anything that's all. 

We have really enjoyed Prep and have our last day tomorrow! 

Hope everyone is ok?! Xx


----------



## ariellamcbella

Marley that's excellent (it's the day after my birthday!!!)   

Will keep everything crossed for you

Thanks Flickj - am quite excited!

Lizard - I know what you mean, must be something in the air that is making work increase this week!  

Welcome Bluedreams x

Hi to everyone else!!!


----------



## Marley49

Thanks Bella! It's really real now and I can't believe it's moving so quickly (not that we are complaining) 

Next step is the pet assessment! Xx


----------



## Primmer

Marley - good luck with pet assessment and do let us know how it goes. We have dog who is a little bit mad so would be interested to know what they look for. 

Ariel - not long till your prep starts, good luck with it. 

Lizard - would be great to know what topics you discussed with sw at initial visit - thanks 

BlueDreams - welcome and good luck with your prep course.


----------



## Lizard39

Lizard39 said:


> We attended an open evening & have had our initial SW visit - which lasted about 3 hours (but went very quickly). The SW had a quick look around the house & then asked us about; our childhoods, growing up, our families, education & what we were like in school/university ie did we make friends etc, our support network & who we could call in an emergency, finances, work history & would one of us take 12 months off when LO placed, fertilty & tx history, why we wanted to adopt & preference for ages, sex, single of siblings, have we any experience with childcare, history of our relationship ie when did hubby & I meet, live together, marry etc & and what makes us as a couple, pu hobbies, what we like doing at a weekend, any traumas inour lives, if have any convictions. She also asked us what we thought of the information evening & what where the key take-aways we took away from that - we talked alittle about the type of children who are adopted, birth families, how parenting is different, how we would deal with somei ssues. I think that was it! When the SW left she gave us the application form to complete.


Here you are Primmer


----------



## Primmer

Thats great Lizard - thanks. I will show that to DH tonight so he can start thinking about some of these things too. Really helpful just to have an idea of what to expect although I relaise that each agency is different. I think at ours, the next step after intitial visit is the prepar course and then you get to submit your application but am not sure as they are changing things to implement the new changes but sure we will find out on Thursday.


----------



## oleven

Hi I'm new on here.
We have our prep classes booted for mid July. 
We have loads of family supporting us, but it would be nice to chat with people who understand why we have to do prep classes, if I had a pound for every time that someone said "If you had birth children you don't have to do any classes"

Oleven


----------



## flickJ

Welcome to the forum, Oleven - good to have you on-board   I hope your journey goes smoothly and you enjoy the prep course. 

My husband already has three kids, so he gets "Why do you have to do another course?"  

Believe me. the things you encounter will really help you understand the children and the process even more, and I found it really rewarding. Good luck!


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Can I join ladies? We are hoping to be added into the July prep group - just waiting on SW confirming this. I am so excited and nervous at the same time xx


----------



## ariellamcbella

Hi everyone!!! Welcome Oleven and Hope&pray2011

I have to say, as we wont know for def we can apply until the end of prep (the way my VA operates -think it's more for us than them...we have only told a select few, and thankfully they have been supportive and not made annoying comments such as those mentioned (probably would have given them some witty return anyhoo).

Have booked a hotel for prep next week- nothing special but thought we'd make it a bit more fun than an hour trip by train/motorway each day...and means we should (hopefully) arrive to prep fresh and rested each morning!  can't wait til Friday, cause with the bank holiday and prep, I only have to work 1 day out of 9 after that! So plenty of time to be pre-Occupied without repercussions!!! Lol

Anyone else going to a prep course in then next fortnight or so? X


----------



## Primmer

Welcome to oleven and to hope&pray 

Had our initial sw visit today, it took 2.5 hours and went well. She said that she needs approval from her manager but that we had a lot to offer and she would be recommended that we be put forward for prep course which will either be July or October. Sw said she will contact us week after next with an update.


----------



## Lizard39

Primer - fab news & really glad it went so well   lets hope you get into the July prep group   as October seems such a long time away.

Bella - good idea to book into a hotel if you have a drive. Marley said Prep was exhausting so you might have done the right thing! Our prep is only 15-20 mins drive away and day 1 is a Monday & the days 2 & 3 are the following Mon & Tues, so not quite so intense! 

Flick - so is you hubby having to do any volunteer work with children given he has 3 biological children? What about you? 

Welcome to Oleven & Hope&Pray - nice to have you on board! 

Hello to everyone else. Nothing exciting to report from us, just enjoying ourselves & making the most of time with hubby as   this time next year life might be very different!


----------



## sass30

Hello my prep starts 11 june. Really excited for the course and homework haha. it will be good to share experiances and also give a boost. At our initial meeting she said first day is intense and people feel like they want to drop out yikes.


----------



## Marley49

Sass don't worry about Prep, I have just done mine and we thoroughly enjoyed it. He it was intense and you got a lot of information but it is one step closer to the ultimate goal!!

We had our pet assessment on Thursday, my Puppy (he's 1.5) wouldn't stop jumping up and was obsessed with her.. But all 3 showed no signs of aggression and were sociable dogs so I'm hoping everything will be ok. 

Got my medical booked for a weeks time - and very nervous so in on a strict diet!!!

Xx


----------



## Primmer

Sass - not long now till your prep, everyone says its intense but worth it. 

Marley - glad to hear pet assessment went well. Our sw said we will need an assessment with our dog too.


----------



## flickJ

Lizard39 - yes, we both have to have recent contact with children so we both volunteer with the local scout/cubs/beavers. Even though all his children are adults and I have been a step-mum for the last ten years and aunt to nephew and neices, we were asked to get experience with younger children in the age group we were looking for. 

Marley - glad to hear the pet assessment went well  

Primmer - good luck and I hope you hear some positive news soon   

Ariellamcbella and sass00 - good luck for the prep course


----------



## olli76

Hi everyone. 

I have just started HS and have had 3 sessions so far. No panel date as yet. Its nice to know others are at a similar stage in the process and we can help and support each other.


----------



## olli76

I meant to say good luck to all of you starting prep soon. We found it really interesting, emotional and tiring. We loved it though. The adoptive parents we met were so inspirational.


----------



## ariellamcbella

Hi All!!!!

Just got back (we'll just finished doing all of the things you have to do when you get back from being away). Prep was amazing. Quite heavy at times, but just stick with it...it makes so much sense in retrospect, and is definitely useful. So excited! We met adoptive parents who had the most amazing roller-coaster of a story (cant share any det's sorry) but it was just so lovely and positive to hear the ups and the downs (cause it gives you a realistic expectation).

We get our application next week, and will be invited to attend a PAR workshop in June and then will be allocated our SW to start the HS. NOV/DEC/JAN looks realistic in terms of an approval panel...and we have now told the important people who are all really supportive. 

Hope all is well with everyone else!


----------



## bluedreams

Hi all, just thought I'd say hi.  
We start prep in about 3 weeks. An evening session, followed by two full days the following week, and two full days the week after.  
Feels like we've been waiting ages some days and then others i think everything has just flew by!  Not sure if I'm nervous or excited yet, so just waiting for the dominant feeling to make itself shown! haha


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Morning ladies.

I received confirmation on Monday that we have made it onto the July prep group yay!!!! Our prep is only over 2 full days on the 12th & 19th July.  DH and I fly to Mexico on Monday for a 2 week holiday, we will be able to relax now knowing that when we come home we only have a fortnight to prep. It's really happening and I'm excited xx


----------



## flickJ

Oh, that's so exciting for you  I am so pleased. Enjoy your holiday and think of all the good things that are going to happen


----------



## Primmer

AdoptionDreams - that is great news, how exciting to know you have prep all booked for when you get back for holiday.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Great news.  Where are you up to Flick any news when they'll get the new system sorted.  Really want you and me going through side by side x x x x


----------



## flickJ

So do I, Gwyneth, believe me   It's been a long road so far.

Received a letter inviting us to a meeting next wed 12th regarding the changes, hopefully this will be the start of things and we will at least be able to start the paperwork, medicals, checks etc.  

Best of luck for your prep course, I'll be thinking of you   I'm sure you will find it as enjoyable as I did


----------



## Lizard39

Hi Gwyneth & Flick - do you know when the new system kicks in & what the differences are? We start our prep course in early July & still don't know which system we'll be in! Though or LA said it won't too much different time wise as they have been operating to 6 months to Panel from accepting application for awhile.

Question to all those who have done Prep Group - can you please remind what it covers as hubby & I were talking about it last night and realised don't really know what to expect & what we should do to prepare.

Hope everyone is doing ok.

Lizard x


----------



## flickJ

Hi Lizard, As far as we know the changes come into effect on July 1st and everyone starting the process will be on the new timescales, whether that means from applying or Prep course I don't know   I am sure there are people on here that understand the process better. Hopefully, I will learn more on Wednesday but I guess every council may be different or maybe it has to be the same across the board?  

As for the prep course, when I took the course last year it was really, really interesting - we had a mixture of apprehension and excitment as we felt it was a bit of a leap in the dark, but learning more about the procedure, the children and what difficulties they have and what to expect. You get lots of information and .... yes, you may get homework ....... not really something you can be prepared for, but honesty is the best policy. I'm looking forward to doing it all over again but with a better outcome.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

The difference is that it has to be 4 months from official application to panel instead of 8. Not sure which we are doing yet first day of prep is Wed so I am guessing we'll get the low down then. Different authorities seem to be bringing it in at different times really. 

Both with agencies this Wednesday Flick that's a good start to side by side travels through this. Hope your meeting comes with a prep date xxxx


----------



## ariellamcbella

Hi All...

Not sure about the changes, but with regards to prep we covered the legal framework, the impact of being a looked after child on development, effective techniques handle dilemmas and what the process entails and then what happens when the child(ren) comes to live with you (including what support is available). All this as a general overview as it cannot be tailored to specifics.

Not sure if that is what every agency covers but this is what was covered for us.

Hope that helps! x


----------



## Lizard39

I think you guys are right - process, timescales etc all depends which LA or VA you are with - crazy really!  

Thank you for sharing what was covered in prep group Flick & Bella - much appreciated.

Gwyneth - how'd you first day of prep go today? When is day 2? 

Hi to everyone


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

First day was good really enjoyed it.  Day 2 is Wednesday next week which  I'm glad about because I am exhausted today x


----------



## flickJ

So pleased it all went well, it must be such a relief to have finally started out on your journey to be a mummy after waiting so patiently.


----------



## Lizard39

Hope everyone is ok & enjoying alittle warmer weather. We had a lovely day yesterday with all the family for 'fathers day' and I did say to hubby - OMG this time next year if we are really lucky & have a smooth process who knows he might be enjoying his first Father's Day or nearly there!  Same itch al l your lovely hubbies  

Prep Group for us under 2 weeks away now - and we are really looking forward to it. Assume the dress code is jeans & a pretty top? Apparently we get all the info next week. 

Gwyneth has day 2 of prep this week - anyone else at prep this week? How is the HS going for those that have already started? Also how many sessions do your LA/VA do for HS?


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Everyone on our prep was in jeans it was pretty warm so best layer so you can take off or put on depending don't want to be sweaty or shivering.  Can't wait for day two tomorrow.  Not long at all for you now x x


----------



## Primmer

Gwyneth - so pleased that prep is going well  

Lizard - not long now until you start prep - how exciting! 

AFU - we were told we would hear 2 weeks ago whether we have  been approved for prep and whether we are on the July course but didn't hear anything. I chased our sw by email last week and she confirmed that we should  hear this week. Think it's going to be too late for the July prep which means next prep is in Oct which seems so far away!!! I am currently stuck at home off work as I had a knee operation last week which means,I don't have work to distract me and so thinking about hearing from sw all the time - will drive myself crazy


----------



## Sun Flower

Primmer, we are in exactly the same situation. Waiting to hear details for July prep this week, if not will be Oct, which feels so far away, approx. 4 years away  in my head!!! 
Wishing you a speedy recovery from your knee op x


----------



## flickJ

Primmer and Sunflower - I'm also in that 'waiting-to-hear-something, anything .......' time      It's so hard, DH and I just want to get going, it's awful not knowing when you can plan things.

Obviously the adoption takes priority over everything, so when DH comes in from work and says they need him to go to India or France with his work - he knows he can't give them any dates if they clash with prep course/home study    

Primmer -  get better soon from your op


----------



## Sun Flower

Hi Flick 
I sympathise, my DH has been told he cannot take annual leave in July!!! I was upset about it and really didnt want to wait until Oct but I also didnt want to push him and put too much pressure on   
Luckily, the SW mentioned it at our home vsit and persuaded him to talk to his manager, he has now requested a rota change (so his days off fall on prep dates) rather than taking hols, but they havent agreed yet, so Im waiting to hear from the SW and DH manager this week!!! Feeling stressed and hoping it all works out OK   

Hope you hear something soon  x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Primer   hope you feel better soon. Being house bound is not good for anyone. 

Primer, Sunflower and Flick waiting is so hard I think call them regularly and ask when will you know. If you don't hear by that date then ring and say we've not heard wanted to make sure letter isn't lost in the post, mobile number isn't incorrect whatever excuse you want to justify with.  

I called our agency to make sure they'd remembered that they promised us a place on prep. They took it in good spirit and said call anytime with any questions. x x x x x x


----------



## ariellamcbella

HAven't really had time to fully keep up with everyone (am involved in about 3/4 different charity things atm -hopefully will all be over by 1st week July....and then I will finally have time to properly Hoover my house and mow the lawn...seem to be getting practice in now of not having enough hours in the day)...

Seems like everyone is getting along pretty well (things are falling into place etc...just all this waiting :/ that sucks)!

I have a PAR workshop tomorrow- anyone been to one? It's the last hurdle (I believe/hope) before we get allocated our assessing SW...kinda nervous cause it's all 'official' then.. Our references etc have been sent off but we haven't started HS...

Hope those at prep/finishing prep have enjoyed it as much as we did! 

Hi to all! Xx


----------



## bluedreams

We got to our first prep group next Wednesday evening. Not sure if I'm nervous scared or excited!!!


----------



## MummyAuntieKatie

Be excited about Prep, we met some lovely people and I hope have come away with some good friends, it was also informative and whilst it could be harrowing at times was also fun.  Hope you enjoy xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I was terrified but we're loving it been great so far x x


----------



## Lizard39

OMG - very excited   officially been accepted by the LA now as got all the paperwork through this morning & we have been given an approval panel date in December! 

Hope everyone is ok & looking forward to the weekend


----------



## Primmer

Lizard - that is great news - how exciting!!!!!!


----------



## flickJ

That's wonderful news Lizard, you must be so relieved


----------



## bluedreams

Woohoo congrats lizard   xxx


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone,

Just arrived home from 2 weeks in Mexico. Loved EVERY second - suffering from jet lag now though. DH and I have our prep group on the 12th & 19th July. It's over 2 days 10am-4pm. So excited to get started xx


----------



## Lizard39

2 weeks relaxing in Mexico sounds wonderful - bet you are full rested AdoptionDreams. Funny how LA/VA's are so different - your prep group is over 2 days 10-4pm & ours is 3 days 9:30-4pm - it's amazing that there is no standards across the country! 

How is everyone else getting on? 

Blue dreams - how did your prep evening go last week?

Bella - how was the PAR workshop? I've never heard of one of those before? What was covered?

Gwyneth - how was your second Prep day? Do you have any more? When do you start HS?

Sunflower - did your Hubby manage to get his leave? Are you booked into Prep next month or do you have to wait til October

Primmer - any news yet? 

Flick - any news on when you can 'get started?

Hello oleven, Marley,inmydreams, happy penguin, handstitchedmum & pumpkin. Hope you are all well & progressing or enjoying the time til you start!

Question for everyone re references - do they have to provide written responses, telephone interview or face to face interview or all of the above? I'm not worried about it but my best mate who is a reference asked me at the weekend & I realise I don't have a clue!


----------



## happypenguin

Hi Lizard39

All of the references we supplied were sent a paper questionnaire to complete (we had to provide 6 of these for our scheme so yours may be less) and of the 6, 4 have been contacted by telephone and then  interviewed in person about the answers that they gave on the questionnaire.
All really relaxed yet quite detailed!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Had my third day of prep this week and one more next week then wait to be allocated a SW and start HS. Hopefully will all go quickly I'm inpatient and not good at waiting   . Hope everyone is getting on well and anyone wanting for prep and SW's hears soon x x


----------



## flickJ

Hi Everyone,

Lizard - still waiting ...........        It all kicks of on Monday 1st July (new changes come into effect) and it has been terrible to try and not ring up this week to find out if the new application forms have been sent out. I keep thinking they must be flat out trying to get things sorted out and don't want to get annoying phone calls! Maybe I will give in and phone this afternoon  

Regarding the references, with the VA we used last year we needed one family reference and two others who all had written questionaires, this time with the LA we need two family (one each) and two others.  It is strange that everywhere seems different. As Happypenguin says, I was a little shocked about how much detail it goes into.

Gwneth - great news that the prep is going well and that you will soon be on your way to HS    

Good luck to everyone waiting for prep, the time will fly by


----------



## Lizard39

Thanks for info re references happy penguin & Flick  

Gwyneth - patience is a virtue in this game!  

Think the changes are one of the reasons causing your delay Flick   Our first day of Prep is Monday - so 1st July, but we had a letter last week officially accepting our application - so will be interesting to find out on Monday if we are the new or old paperwork etc! We have been given a date for Approval panel in Dec, so think we'll be on the old system! But we are happy with those timescales - only phoned up in March so if all goes well will be approved 9 months after initial phone call!  

Have a lovely weekend all


----------



## flickJ

Best of luck on Monday Lizard, hope it all goes smoothly for you


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Oh enjoy Lizard we're old time scales too ans like you we're fine with it.  Look forward to hearing all hope you enjoy it as much as I am x x


----------



## Kboo36

Hello
Hope it's ok for me to join u.. We went to an information eve a couple of weeks ago and have our initial visit with LA (Kent) on Wednesday.. Getting a bit nervous.. 
Kelly xx


----------



## sass30

Hi all i was wondering can i join this little group. I finished prep on 19th of june and about to begin home study 10th july. Fingers crossed were approved by feb. 
we are with a LA and a first  the process seemed slow and now its in full gear. Our lA pay for our medicals which is good , we got the forms through yesterday and our referees got there letter with a list of questions to answer  and will be having interviews as well. 
  Ive worked out we should be finised HS by november so hopefully get to panel sooner. 

Im so glad we have this forum as its calmed a lot of my nerves. 
How far in the process is everyone else x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sassoo and Kelly the more the merrier. Good luck for your initial meeting, we were terrified but it was nowhere near as scary as we expected. x


----------



## Starmaker73

Hey, can I join in too please?  I'm in awe at some of your dates, things seem to work a lot slower here in Scotland.  I had my initial meeting with LA in Jan, prep course early June, follow up meeting with LA last week and now waiting to start HS.  My LA said it could be at least next summer before I am ready to go to panel.  Not sure where came up with that from as she said my HS would be slightly easier as I am a single adopter, so only one lot of paperwork.  I guess we'll just wait and see.  But at least I have found this great community to share my worries with. ;-)


----------



## crazyroychick

Mind if I join too? Finished prep April and just starting home study xx


----------



## Lizard39

Hello Sass, Kelly, Starmaker & Crazyroychick - as Gwyneth says the more the merrier   

Hello everyone else - hope you are enjoying the sunshine. 

First day of prep tomorrow - not feeling nervous yet....sure I will be this time tomorrow!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

You'll really enjoy tomorrow Lizard x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Good luck Lizard. I start next Friday. Hello to everyone that's just joined  x


----------



## Primmer

Good luck at prep tomorrow lizard


----------



## crazyroychick

How did your first day go Lizard? X

How's everyone else? X

We had 2nd HS visit Monday and it went really well, our SW is lovely, started profiles.  Feel a lot more relaxed about it all now, was so nervous of saying the wrong thing the first visit I barely spoke! Xx


----------



## Lizard39

Well....first day of prep group done! It was alittle weird to begin with and everyone alittle shy, but then we got into it. We leant alot about the needs of adopted children and the effect of neglect, physical abuse & mental abuse and how parenting an adopted child will be different. It was great as we looked at several real life case studies and talked about how the needs of those child will be different to those of a birth child which will definitely help us when our LO comes home next year   Came away feeling positive but I did have afew sad moments during the day  . No contact from our SW yet, but expecting it any day soon to then start HS.

CRchick - fab that HS is going well. How any HS sessions will you and and how frequent are they? I'm hoping our SW will be flexible and do some mornings & some evenings after work - is yours?

Adoption dreams - only 2 more sleeps till you start prep - it's nothing to be worried about.

Hello to everyone - hope you are all ok. Xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad it went well Lizard x


----------



## ariellamcbella

HI all

Welcome newcomers!!

Glad everyone's journal's are progressing along! Have been following in glances but had no real time to post (it's been one mean busy month)...after next Friday I shall have more time to stop by and comment (hopefully) for those in the middle of/just starting prep...enjoy! For those starting/progressing HS good luck!

To all others, hope you're not waiting too much longer!

Still haven't been allocated our SW but was told to call back in 2 weeks time (from this Friday) if nothing!

Keep smiling! 

Xxx


----------



## flickJ

I do hope you hear something positive soon    and you will soon be able to start your journey


----------



## Sun Flower

Morning ladies
After much waiting, worrying and wondering DH's work have agreed his annual leave request and we are starting prep this month!    We are so excited, I was convinced we would have to leave it until October which felt like years away! 

Bella, hope you get a SW soon. I'm still waiting for paperwork in the post which they promised 2 weeks ago, DH says they do it to test our patience!!   

Gwyneth, I've loved reading your prep updates in your diary, so useful and informative. I can't wait to get started now 

Lizard, how is prep going?

Does July prep mean panel around Christmas time? Or am I just getting carried away with myself?  

Hi to everyone else 
Sun flower xx


----------



## crazyroychick

Lizard our SW said roughly every 2 weeks she will visit, got another 3 visits arranged then she is off for 3 weeks, looking at everyone else's time scales think you finish HS a couple of months before panel so they can get your paperwork sorted but not sure! She said about December to expect panel  

Sunflower, that's great you are starting prep this month, we were March/April prep and looking at December panel but we waited 2 months after end of prep to be allocated a SW x

Gwyneth and Bella hope you get allocated a SW soon xx

Hi to everyone else xx


----------



## flickJ

Hi Everyone,

Received our forms, which are now called 'Registration of Interest' and allow permission for all the checks to be done, handed it back in person next day (not that we are keen or anything    This is supposed to take two months to complete and in the meantime I think the prep course is to be completed. Our SW will hopefully contact us next week to arrange where we go from here.  

These new rules seem to be speeding it all up so I   it all goes through smoothly this time. Don't know if I can take another rejection  )

Good luck to everyone
Flick xxx


----------



## Lizard39

Bella - hope you have heard from your SW. We have been allocated one, but she hasn't got in touch yet - and that was 2.5 weeks ago! Remember patience is a virtue in this game!  

Sunflowers - fab news that you start prep this month   we have already been given a panel date for December  , so yes, panel could be as early as December for you too I guess!  

CRChick - thanks for sharing re HS timescales. Hopefully December will be an exciting month for us  

Flick -  we are still on the old system - as they officially accepted our application on 18 June! But happy with timescales. Wonder if we'll be on old or new PAR though! Hope your journey this time runs smoothly   

Hi to everyone else. Hope you are enjoying the Murray/Janowicz game and have lovely plans for this sunny weekend!


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Great hearing everyone's updates!

Our prep starts next Friday I'm literally counting down the days xxx


----------



## Lizard39

Yeah Adoption Dreams - this time next week you would have finished day one of prep & will be enjoying a glass of wine with hubby discussing it all!


----------



## AdoptionDreams

I know it's scary to think this time in 2 weeks prep will be over!  x How are you finding things? X


----------



## Lizard39

We only had day 1 and day 2 & 3 are next week. Really enjoyed it and only have one piece of homework which is to read an 5 page article on a ladies account of IFV & adoption & getting her LO home and we have to be prepared to discuss on Monday's session! Our Reference letters went out this week - bless one of them called us today to say he has already done it & sent it back!


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Can I ask what country you live in? I'm in Scotland. We only have 2 days of prep I wonder why it differs x


----------



## Lizard39

I'm in England & we have 3 days of prep (9:30-4pm) & going with a LA. Another lady I know who lives near me but going with a VA has 4 days of prep - again full days 9:30-4pm! It's amazing how different all LA & VA's are across the UK!!


----------



## AdoptionDreams

I'm LA too. After prep we organise a meeting with SW. If we are happy & they are happy we move on with home study. I wonder when we will be approved xx


----------



## crazyroychick

We are Scotland too and had 2 full days and 3 evenings of prep xx


----------



## Starmaker73

Another Scot, we had 2 full days and 2 evenings.  One thing we haven't had, which a lot of other people have mentioned, is any forms to file out.  I'm about to start HS and haven't filled out a single form at all.


----------



## Sun Flower

England, 4 full days of prep and 2 evenings!


----------



## ariellamcbella

Hi all! 

I can't keep up! Lol

Thanks for wishes of quick allocation...I don't mind, I am quite glad we haven't been allocated yet tbh, been massively busy with some charity events, and am going on holiday next week (Mon-Fri) when I get back I'll have to sort the garden, and we're having our carpets cleaned downstairs-pretty sure all of that will (hopefully) consume my thoughts until we get our letter! My tip for those feeling the agony of the waiting times-get busy....I really haven't noticed it! 

Flick, have got my fingers crossed for you (our VA also only gave us a 'registration of interest' form until we finished prep....then once finished, we got our formal application!

Hope everyone is enjoying/has enjoyed their prep/HS this week and is now about to enjoy a glorious weekend.

I live in England, but attache to a VA in Wales, my prep was 3 days! X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Our prep was 4 days and really informative. Lots of specialist speakers ect it is amazing how different everyone's  process is.


----------



## Starmaker73

I wish our prep group was an informative as everyone else's.  We were mixed with potential foster carers and 90% of the course was aimed towards them.


----------



## crazyroychick

Starmaker, first form we filled out was first HS visit, it was official application, list of references and disclosure forms x

Think a lot of other areas seem to do this during prep, it's funny how different everywhere is xx


----------



## Sun Flower

Star maker, we have been told there are foster carers on our course, how does the info differ for them? I'm just curious really. Our SW said some foster carers think they don't need the course as the have been caring for years but they all have to do it if they want to adopt one of the children the have been caring for.

Any info on sharing prep with foster carers would be fab, we are excited but nervous!
Thanks x


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## AdoptionDreams

We haven't filled out official forms either. I did wonder about this xx


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## Starmaker73

Sunflower. The major problem was at the visiting speakers, tasks, etc were geared towards FC. All the does and donts for them as they aren't ever going to be legally the child's parent. We didn't get any info about what life is life for an adopted child, and I think that would have been very beneficial.


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## Starmaker73

Oh jeez, the grammar and spelling in that last post is terrible. Note to self: proof read before you post in future.


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## Starmaker73

Oooops treble post. Sorry. Thanks Crazy, I assume I'll my first forms at HS too. While we are on the subject, how did your 2nd HS go?


----------



## sass30

Well its all go go go we have our appointments for our medical end of the month. Home study on wednesday .
    Any advice on home study ?


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## ariellamcbella

Congrats Sass...

We're obviously not at HS stage yet, but the advice I was given was:
Be honest and trust your social worker....they aren't trying to catch you out, they need to find the diffitiesyou have experienced and how you managed and coped with these, don't think they are just trying to dig to find the dirt so they can say no! (that'swhat our visitors at prep told us, and someone we know who now has been through it twice said the same....so that's the advice I'm sticking to! Lol 

Good lick with the medicals etc. Xx


----------



## ariellamcbella

Sorry for spelling above, am using a phone to write...and the phone hates me!


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## bluedreams

Hi guys!

Lots of busy business going on!  We had our first two days of prep last week, very informative and emotionally draining at times, but I've enjoyed it.  Found out we are working on the new system too so first step after prep a quick feedback meeting about our next steps etc.

Looking forward to this weeks prep days, they're more geared towards providing helpful tips for parenting children with additional needs and a couple of visitors/speakers are joining us.

Hope you are all well
Blue dreams x


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## Lizard39

Hello everyone  

Blue dreams - how has your prep group gone this week? Do you know dates for HS etc? 

Sass - how did your first HS go yesterday? Was it the first time you met your SW? Was it just an intro session getting to know each other & laying out each of the sessions, homework etc? 

Starmaker - sorry that your prep didn't cover stuff you hoped it would have. Perhaps you can ask your SW to hook you up with folks that adopted and have a chat with them? 

Have I missed any activity this week? Sorry if I have! Looks like we are all moving in the right direction!  

AFU - we finished Prep Group this week and really enjoyed it, though was emotional at times! Meet some really lovely couples who will stay in contact with - so nice to have 'real people' we have meet up with and talk about adoption! Everything moving in the right direction for us - references out, booked medicals, DBS checks done & first HS session booked for 20th July and got panel date for December! We are on the old system, but think SW will use the new PAR report format as apparently they are very different - old one long and very descriptive, new one shorter but more analytical. Apparently doesn't really affect adopters just how the SW has to write it up!


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## sass30

Hellllo all

First meeting for HS was yesterday. Just a planning meeting really. We planned all 7 visits that take us to 5th december. Got lots of homework,  eco plan,family tree, pet assesment, child assesment. The hardest thing in all that home work is the profile writing . Going to do that at weekend. Cant wait for 1st official visit on 31st july. Loving it so far but heard they are  really intrusive in your life. I visikns of them asking about sex life ahhh honestly im a worrier and over thinker lol.


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## Starmaker73

Thanks, Lizard.  Yeah, she said that all the potential adopters at prep said the same thing so they might try to organise one more class just for us to go over some stuff.  

Sass - So excited you have finally started HS.  I am still waiting on my email with a start date.   Jeez, one thing I need to learn during this process is patience.


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## sass30

Starmaker73 enjoy the waiting as i was like that once then al of a sudden were in 5th gear with no brakes. Wouldnt change it but scary to think how fast it is all going now xx


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## Starmaker73

Haha!  I guess so.  I just need to step away from the email refresh buttons, and stop reading a lot of the timelines on here. :/


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## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone. We start prep tomorrow. So excited and scared at the same time xx


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## Lizard39

Good luck tomorrow AdoptionDreams. Let us know how you get on. Xx


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## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone,

DH and I completed our 1st day of prep yesterday. It was really enjoyable but oh my goodness how draining. I was in bed fast asleep by 9.30pm. We had 8 couples on our course, all seemed lovely. DH and I got talking to a few of them and also agreed to exchange numbers etc. Two couples are back to adopt for a 2nd time through the same authority - that's a good sign! In the morning we had the embarrassing ice breaking moment, we had to stand up, introduce ourselves and explain why we were given our name. It was very interesting listening to everyone. At the end of the exercise the SW explained the importance of our LO keeping their original name - it's their identity & their only link with BF.  We also looked at a case study which brought up great discussion. I seemed to do lots of the talking - I was aware of this and kept trying to keep quiet - it didn't last. I just don't want them thinking I'm over confident. The afternoon a doctor came and spoke through lots of medical issues / additional needs surrounding the children. It was so draining and heavy going. I know it's vital that we listen to it though. We are back next Friday for our final day of prep, I'm really looking forward to it. X


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## Sun Flower

Hi everyone 

1 week to go until prep for us   


We have handed in our application form, DBS forms (is this a local or national scheme? Does anyone know the current timescales?) and our employer references. Starting to feel more real now.

We have been told we are on the old system, last prep groups before they change to workshops and the new format. Our SW doesn't think it will affect our timescales as it will take a while for the new format to become established whereas they know the old system, forms and paperwork inside out. Does that make sense? Hope we have done the right thing by jumping on the last prep groups rather than waiting......


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## Thyme17

Hello everyone,

A couple of months back the lovely ladies of this forum had given me some great advice about how to approach agencies and enquire into the adoption process. Lo and behold, we are now one week before the prep course - totally thrilled to be at the start of the journey and just about starting to believe this could happen for us.

Glad there are so many of us on the forum at this stage! And so many positive stories from the other thread. I look forward to lots of interesting discussions over the next few months!!

By the way, Sun Flower, we have been told exactly the same as you....we are on the old system as the new one is not quite in place yet at our agency. However, they are working to similar timelines as the new 
system, so I hope we will not be too far behind the new processes.

Thyme


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## oleven

Hi all
First day of prep course yesterday-it was really interesting.  . we have 4 full days of it all this week, woke up really early this morning after a night of really strange dreams 
The sw and adoptive parent who are running the course have made me feel really positive about the whole process and the timescales involved, they are talking about matching already.

Hope everyone else is getting on well and as fast as you hoped?


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## Sun Flower

Hi Thyme
Have they mentioned timescales for getting to panel yet? We start prep next Wednesday! When is your first prep group?

We have handed in our application form now, does that mean the clock is ticking? 

Hi oleven, glad you are enjoying prep, are there lots of embarrassing ice breakers?!   bit worried about that

Sunflower x


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## Thyme17

Hi Sunflower! 
First day is Thursday and we have 4 days of prep (which seems rather long...it is rather difficult with work, as "unfortunately" we had just planned holidays when we found out about the prep dates. Oh well, better get used to the work/rest of life juggling...all in a good cause!)

I think the application form handing in does start the clock ticking. We submitted ours about 2 weeks ago and reference requests have already gone out (so I infer the clock is ticking) though I did not get a definite "start of process" date. Apparently having an application form does mean we are on the old process as the equivalent form in the new process is called a "registration of interest" form. Timescales for panel should be about 6 months...we're trying to do all we can at our end to move things along (complete forms promptly etc).  We don't have a homestudy visit booked in yet though  - I think that might happen after prep. I also don't know how soon after prep course the SW is assigned - lots of questions! 

AdoptionDreams - that seems a nice sized group for prep. I have the same worry - not to over-talk and over-question! 

Oleven - 4 days in one week sounds quite intense! Lovely that matching has already been mentioned though. I bet that helps carry you through the day.

Lizard - First HS drawing close! How very exciting - I'm sure all will go swimmingly.

Sass - did you request that the HS visits were planned ahead (which is great!) and were the SWs flexible with timing of home visits or are they according to some predefined schedule?

Thyme


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## crazyroychick

Hello everyone, so much to catch up on! Sorry for lack of personals will try to catch up xx

Glad everyone enjoying prep, to all the ladies ordering when SW will be allocated, we were 2 months but I think all the LA's are different unfortunately xx

3rd HS visit for us on Monday, starting my profile now, getting nervous all over again xx


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## oleven

Hi sunflower

Icebreakers werent as bad as i thought, for us it was breaking into small groups and chatting about how long it had taken to get there the first morning.then the pretty standard (for work things at least) chat to the stranger next to you then introduce them to the group.
Hi Thyme it makes it feel really real that they are talking about matching. Today we got to look at some real profiles from our area to see if there might be any kids that we would suit. We have both been exhausted at the end of each day, even so bit sad tomorrow is the last day  

Feels like it is going at 1000mph at the moment  the sw keep saying it will be really fast now 4 months for the par then 1 month then panel. Every session starting with the fact that we need to be ready now if we want to start the par now.


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## AdoptionDreams

Final day of prep tomorrow! Yay xxx


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## bluedreams

Hi all,

Haven't been on in a while, it was all such a whirlwind!  We are on the new system so we've not got any firm dates for homestudy etc just yet.  We have a feedback meeting on Tuesday where we collect our homework pack and discuss in detail all the checks we need to go through etc.  They think it will still be about Dec/Jan approval panel so just have to wait and see.  It's all moving much quicker than I thought it would :-D

Hope everyone is well
blue dreams xxx


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## Thyme17

Hello all, we are in countdown to first prep day next way - very much looking forward and hoping that it won't take too long after to have our SW assigned.  When we had our first pre-application interview with the SW, she had mentioned a LO who was waiting at the time and I thought that had we been approved at the time, we so would have wanted to follow up. So ever since, I have a real sense of the clock ticking and can't wait to get to home study phase! At the same time, must keep level headed as I'm sure there will be some bumps in the road!! Sunflower- best of luck for a good prep group next week too.

blue dreams and oleven - sounds like you are just ahead in the process planning home study. oleven - I'm so wondering whether we will get to see any profiles during prep. That still seems pretty early to me, with approval about 5 months away. But I suppose if matching happened close to approval, then possibly not far away at all!

Adoptiondreams, hope the last day of prep went well!

Lizard - let us know about the first exciting Hs day!

Thyme xx


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## GoofyGirl

Hi everyone  

Room for another? Just wanted to say hello really, I often read this thread to see what's happening. 

We had to wait 6 months since tx but can start the new regime in August. They sent us the initial enquiry form which was promptly filled and sent back so now waiting for call to arrange initial meeting. 
Apparently the first meeting is at the council offices, not our home, this is a change as part of their new regime. At least I won't have to spring clean for a while yet  

The SW said prep occurs towards the end of the process in their new regime so we won't do ours until Nov at earliest or more likely January. That seems ages away!!! She said we'd be looking at March /April for AP. 

But we can start paperwork process in a couple of weeks! Hurrah!

Good luck with preps and HS etc. 

GG xx


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## ariellamcbella

Hi all....

Congrats to those who have just finished prep/have started their HS....good luck to those just beginning prep/HS...

Phoned up on Tuesday as have heard nothing for 4 weeks....asked when we'd be allocatedcared to SW...got a call back that day saying we had been and SW would be calling in next few days!!!! SW called Fri, we have our first HS on Friday this week...so to anyone who hasn't heard anything I'd say just give them a call and ask politely for an update on where everything's at...they don't mind...it can't do any harm and at the very least will stop your curiosity for a while! 

Welcome and congrats goofy... Sounds weird that you have prep at the end!!! :/

Hope you are all having a good weekend! X


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## AdoptionDreams

Hello everyone,

DH and I completed our prep course on Friday - we were actually sad to leave. We have both really enjoyed the experience and feel we have gained lots of valuable information. I found it extremely draining thought, I seemed to be asleep for 9pm each night. Lol. We now await a date to have initial home visit - then we wait for the home assessment to begin. I'm praying hard that we won't be left waiting to long xx


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## Sun Flower

Hi ladies  
Adoptiondreams, so glad you enjoyed prep. Can you share any top tips for a successful few days? Wha kind of activities did you do? 

Bella, well done you for chasing them up, sometimes they just need a nudge! Good luck for Friday 

Welcome Goofy, your process sounds interesting, any ideas what the paperwork will be? I'm trying to second guess them already, started a file with copies of all kinds of things, including mortgage statements! 

Thyme, good luck for prep. Will be good to compare notes  

Blue dreams, hope the new process works out for you, the homework pack sounds interesting. 

Hi to everyone else, I love reading info and gathering details and tips so please keep posting........... 

We are very excited to be starting prep on Wednesday! Am proud of DH, he told his close friends today that he is going to be a daddy via adoption, they are all really pleased and excited for us. Makes it feel more real now that people know. And the support is fab so far. 

love to all xxx


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## ariellamcbella

Hi all!!

Glad you enjoyed it adoptiondreams...we enjoyed ours too!  but now you are one step closer to the final goal...so it's positive to be finished not sad! 

Sunflower! Thanks, I know...I think I saved them some pennies on postage anyhoo!  lol my top tip for prep is....just be completly open minded about all they have to say....if you are, it'll help (well if your prep is like my prep was....but everyone seems to be experiencing thongs differently (we had no ice breakers). 

Hope everyone's weeks have started well! 
X


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## crazyroychick

Hello everyone, really struggling with personals at the moment as so tired after home study visits and work!

3rd one yesterday, so both our profiles are started now and next visit will cover our relationship, was asleep by 9pm last night, so draining xx

Good luck to everyone starting prep and hope HS are going well for everyone else x

To all the girls waiting to be allocated a SW, I would give them a wee ring for an update after about 4 weeks, we called every couple of weeks after that too until we were allocated, they don't mind xx


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## Thyme17

Hello all! Quick note with impressions from the end of prep day 1. It was actually very good - nice group and good discussions. So intense though, I'm ready to drop this evening and it wasn't that long a day, we were home by 6!! It is a big group - about 26 people. It seems we are a mix of people on the old and new application system (or 'on the cusp') as they described it. I'm not actually sure of our timelines so I asked one of the SWs to clarify and he is going to check.

Hope everyone else doing well. Will write more coherently after tomorrow

Thyme xx


----------



## Thyme17

Hello all! Quick note with impressions from the end of prep day 1. It was actually very good - nice group and good discussions. So intense though, I'm ready to drop this evening and it wasn't that long a day, we were home by 6!! It is a big group - about 26 people. It seems we are a mix of people on the old and new application system (or 'on the cusp') as they described it. I'm not actually sure of our timelines so I asked one of the SWs to clarify and he is going to check.

Hope everyone else doing well. Will write more coherently after tomorrow

Thyme xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad it went well thyme. Found out today we have our first home study tomorrow afternoon.  Mega busy morning cleaning I think x


----------



## Lizard39

Glad your first day of prep went well Thyme - hope tomorrow is just as good.

Good luck tomorrow Gwyneth - our first session was quite informal - just really going over the PAR and what we need to do and what the SW will contribute and asking us what we thought of Prep Group. Let us know how you get on. 

Hi to everyone else. Nearly the weekend


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## ariellamcbella

Glad you enjoyed Prep!!!

Snap Gwyneth...we have our first session tomorrow too...she's getting here at 430...I only finish work at 4! I have had a mental night of finishing off those little bits and pieces this eve, just gotta do bathroom in the morn before work!

Good luck! Hope it goes well!

Good luck to anyone else who have home study/prep/IV etc tomorrow too! And to everyone else, habe a good weekend! Xx


----------



## Sun Flower

Thyme, glad you enjoyed prep. We have just finished the first 2 days, feeling shattered and a mind of information on attachment, loss, separation, parenting adopted children, trust issues etc....bring on days 3 and 4 next week! We are both looking forward to it

Gwyneth & Bella, Good luck for your first home study sessions this afternoon. Look forward to reading about them later 

Lizard, hope home study is going well for you too. Things are moving along now.....

We enjoyed prep this week, although found it hard going but very useful and informative. Nice small group, us and 5 other couples. Starting to feel more real, just want to get home study started now.....
They did mentioned chronology quite a lot, is there anything we could start to do now, such as lists of events In Our life? Write about childhood memories etc... Just want to be prepare and feel like we are doing something positive and useful between now and waiting for home study to start. Any ideas ladies?

Sunflower xx


----------



## Sun Flower

So excited, references have received their paperwork today and we got our medical forms in the post! It's really happening   

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend xx


----------



## Thyme17

Hello all,

Sunflower  - mind buzzing here too. We suddenly have SW assigned, refs received paperwork, medicals booked....also heard  more about timelines from prep course. They seem to imply there that many more matches are happening relatively early on after approval panel. Not sure what to think! Don't want to get hopes up too much but also don't want to get there and not be prepared for potential matches. I haven't told work about the adoption process yet but now starting to think I really need to over the next month or so. Lots to think about! Day 3 and 4 of prep coming up this week, then hopefully we get some time to work on the assessment questionnaire. Has any one else received this yet? 12 pages of detailed questions....slightest bit overwhelming!! I said to hubby we will have to break this one down and do a few questions at a time!

Gwyneth and Ariella - hope HS 1 went well! I'm sure the house shone  I so hope our SW will be nice and we click....I have nightmares of not getting on with the assigned person!!
Lizard - all well with you? When is next HS?

All  - wishing you a good week!

Thyme xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

First HS was good thanks nothing heavy just setting up expectations etc. SW is from the same area I grew up in which is nice and makes you feel a bit of a connection ( I don't live there any more.) She is a dog lover (Phew!!). She also talked about matching being quick but like you I am keeping calm about it all - well trying   

SW is coming again on Tuesday so snowed under with homework but that's fine by us   

Bella hope yours went well x x x


----------



## Sun Flower

Gwyneth, just read your diary! September!!   wow. Thats fantastic news and something to work towards, no wonder you are busy! 

I've started thinking about a 'pen picture' today. Anyone else done one, 300 words about yourself? Would it help to speed up the process if we started these things now? or do you think SW will be annoyed that we have jumped ahead without her? Don't mind being the class swot if it's going to be useful for home study! 

Xx


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## Daddyboo (Paul)

Sun Flower said:


> Gwyneth, just read your diary! September!!  wow. Thats fantastic news and something to work towards, no wonder you are busy!
> 
> I've started thinking about a 'pen picture' today. Anyone else done one, 300 words about yourself? Would it help to speed up the process if we started these things now? or do you think SW will be annoyed that we have jumped ahead without her? Don't mind being the class swot if it's going to be useful for home study!
> 
> Xx


Here's a link to an example Pen Picture (another forum member got it from their SW) that you can base it on https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/95962814/Example%20Pen%20Picture.doc

and here's ours but we couldn't get it down to 300 words yet it went in the PAR anyway! (i've removed place names for confidentiality) https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/95962814/Our_Pen_Picture_web.docx


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## Daddyboo (Paul)

Thyme17 said:


> Has any one else received this yet? 12 pages of detailed questions....slightest bit overwhelming!! I said to hubby we will have to break this one down and do a few questions at a time!
> 
> Thyme xx


The 12 pages are to be completed during your Home Study, your SW will let you know the week before which she wants you to work on. I would advise against doing them all at once, as you might learn things during the HS that you will want to include.

I would however make a start on the ecomap and the family tree, as they can take a while to complete - if you need help with any of this then I can send you what we did.


----------



## Sun Flower

Pauliboo, thank you so much for the pen picture examples, they are really useful. Going to make some amendments to mine now, should be finished soon!


----------



## AdoptionDreams

pauliboo said:


> Thyme17 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Has any one else received this yet? 12 pages of detailed questions....slightest bit overwhelming!! I said to hubby we will have to break this one down and do a few questions at a time!
> 
> Thyme xx
> 
> 
> 
> The 12 pages are to be completed during your Home Study, your SW will let you know the week before which she wants you to work on. I would advise against doing them all at once, as you might learn things during the HS that you will want to include.
> 
> I would however make a start on the ecomap and the family tree, as they can take a while to complete - if you need help with any of this then I can send you what we did.
Click to expand...

Sorry to butt in but I've just started my family and eco tree - any advice would be great fully recieved x


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## AdoptionDreams

I just found those links thank you x


----------



## Lizard39

Hi Everyone  sounds like lots of progress for everyone and we are all moving in the right direction!

Afew folks have asked about getting on with some homework, whilst waiting to start HS. I think it's a great idea as there is lots to do and you can get on with the more straight forward factual stuff rather than personal stuff as your social worker might want that done in a certain way! So far we have spent about 15 hours doing homework and imagine we have another 15 at least to get it all finished!

Here is a link to the PAR (formly Form F) which is what we are having to complete though we are on the old system so not sure if this is the same form for the new system!

http://www.online-procedures.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/baaf-form-par-england-2008-parts-a-c.pdf

Things I think you can get on with are:

chronology of work, education & special events in life
family tree
Ecomap
Neighbourhood & community and suitability for children 
Access to local services - ie GP, hospital etc
Finances section
Childcare experience

I guess you could start drafts of the other stuff, but our SW said some stuff we write, some sections she will write and some we do jointly - so this might be SW dependant, plus if your SW is like our she said she will give us pointers of what to include in each section as we go through the process and need to do that section! Hope that makes sense!

Lizard x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

New style system is very homework heavy. We're kind of doing somewhere between the two I think old and new. Lots of homework and e-mails being sent but it suits me however we aren't having to actually write sections I don't think which some people on the new system seem to be. Pauliboo as always so helpful and practical your a legend x


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## Daddyboo (Paul)

AdoptionDreams said:


> Sorry to butt in but I've just started my family and eco tree - any advice would be great fully recieved x


No problem...

Family Tree example (add names, dates of birth and marriage dates, you can delete the relationships to make room for the names) 
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/95962814/FamilyTree_Example.docx

Ecomap example (add names and ages of any children in brackets) 
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/95962814/Ecomap_Complete_Example.docx


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## AdoptionDreams

I honestly can't thank you enough!!! Thank you doesn't seem enough xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Paul thank you so much I have been trying to think of a way to do our family trees and failing miserably you've saved me lots of time tomorrow which can now be spent cleaning and harassing the dr for medical dates x x


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## AdoptionDreams

I can't seem to view the tree


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## Daddyboo (Paul)

AdoptionDreams said:


> I can't seem to view the tree


No need to thank me, I have OCD so put it to good use and did everything electronically.

Do you have Microsoft Word?

If not, I'll post an image instead... https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/95962814/Family%20Tree%20Example.jpg


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## AdoptionDreams

That's perfect! Thank you x


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## Lizard39

My only advice.......don't spend loads of time making it look pretty - almost just scribble it on paper and gather all the facts! Reason being, I did our family tree electronically acouple of months ago & then when we first met our SW 2 weeks ago, she explained how she wanted it to look - very different to how I'd drawn it! So I had to do it again!


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## Thyme17

Dear all,

Thanks so for the wise words and support. Pauliboo - thanks for the fab examples, so much easier to have a starting point and some ideas!

Lizard, we definitely plan to get those factual elements completed over the weekends. 15 hours! I can well believe it though. Our first home visit is not till end month (sadly) but we can do some work in the meantime.

Off to third day of prep!
Thyme


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## ariellamcbella

Meant to reply sooner...but alas, my life has been as it is always....chaotic! I honestly think that having children will slow my life down a little (I'm not even exaggerating)...cause I can start having a more valid reason to say 'no' to people!!!! As it currently stands (apart from DH) i have no commitments outside of work and so are called upon to do everything and everyone...not gonna upset the balance right now, just store in memory what I have done so I can recall these 'favours' upon placement...and cash them in! 

The first visit wasn't too bad, have my 'individual appointment' thursday this week... But the initial appointment we just talked about what we had done so far, how we found prep...and our PAR workshops (she wasn't aware of what we had done and therefore didn't know we had been to this) but it meant we had an eco map, family tree, health and safety questionnaire, competency questions, matching considerations, pet questionnaire, PAR questions and a floor plan all sorted....

This meant she totally wasn't prepared for what we had, and I think if anything, she was the one that was left overwhelmed by the end of the meeting.... It was quite strange! Our SW is the same one who attended our initial visit so that was nice. She didn't want to see the house yet, that will come later, so still haven't done tour of house! 

My advice would be....don't be too 'OCD' like me and do everything as it leaves the SW lacking and with a lot of homework!!! Do long as you have an eco map and family tree ready as a base to speak from, I think everything else is meant to fit around what you are doing in your home visits! 

Take care all!!!


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## Mummy DIY Diva

So true Bella kids are a great excuse to get out of things   . We're like you the ones with no responsibilities so available at a moments notice. X x


----------



## crazyroychick

Paul, thank you so much for all your help x Do you mind if I pick your brain about family tree? My family is tiny but my hubby is one of 7, they all have lots of kids and the kids all have lots of kids we are talking prob in excess of 70 people how can we fit all this info in? 

Hello to everyone else, we are crazy busy with HS and work just now, really struggling to do personals xx


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Crazy chick my family is big so I put just the married 3 kids 2 grandkids etc in my siblings and auntie and uncles box rather than showing every marriage and the children from that relationship.  SW was happy because she wants it on a side of A4  x x


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi guys,

Well I've spent the day typing up our lists of people who are there to support us (currently at page . I've also typed sep lists of online support including websites, forums and a reference list of books I've started reading. I'm shattered x


----------



## Sun Flower

Regarding family trees, we have done one each, A4 size. Can we put 2 in the PAR or will they want us to merge them into one?

They only just fit onto A4, we both have big families


----------



## ariellamcbella

Haha Gwyneth...it sucks sometimes doesn't it? 

Sunflower...I did ours on 1 piece of A3 (DH fit on less than 1/4 of the page...i took up the rest! lol) SW said she usually gets a piece of flip chart paper to do it with people

Crazy chick...Im one of 11, my folks are both one of 5...it got very crazy but I put everyone on up to grandparents.

AdoptionDreams...chill out, feet up...dare I say choc and wine? or are those swear words on here?  

xx


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Lol heaven words to me - I enjoyed a glass of chilled white! Haha x


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul)

I've updated the Support Network and Ecomap document so it's now complete with maps and answers to the tough questions. Please use it as a guide to get you thinking.
And of course I have changed the names and places so that the document remains confidential.
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/95962814/Ecomap_Complete_Full_Example.docx

There is a link on the document that takes you to the Office of National Statistics, you can use the info to get your local demographics - really easy to use just put in your postcode and choose your stats.
http://neighbourhood.statistics.gov.uk/dissemination/LeadHome.do?m=0&s=1375217330427&enc=1&nsjs=true&nsck=false&nssvg=false&nswid=1366


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul)

Regarding large families, I would suggest adding those who will be closest to your family first and adding the others on a second page. 
At least then if your SW only wants one page you have your main family support network on there.


----------



## Starmaker73

Just popping in to say that I have FINALLY been allocated a SW and my first HS visit is on Monday afternoon.  He wasn't my first choice from the ones we met at Prep, so I'm hoping I feel more comfortable with him once we are up and running.


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul)

That's great news starmaker, if you need any help with examples for the home study homework let me know and I'll see what I can do (as with my links above).


----------



## Starmaker73

You are a star, Paul. I'm sure I will take you up on your offer once all the homework is unleashed on me.


----------



## Lizard39

Fab news Starmaker   hopefully you will get on well & he'll guide you through the process. If he's just not your 'cup-of-tea' just think although it will be intense he will only be in your life for a short while  .

Hi to everyone. Pauliboo - any inkling of a match yet.....


----------



## Starmaker73

Thanks Lizard.  That's the way I'm looking at it.  I think I was just assuming since I am a single female that I would have been allocated a female SW, but I guess it doesn't work that way.   On the plus side we have 3 full time and 3 part time SWs and he is one of the FT one so at least he should be easier to keep in contact with.


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul)

Hi Lizard no match at the moment as we were only officially received the ratification yesterday.
I handed in the signed consent forms to be part of Adoption22 and the National Register this morning, so fingers crossed something will happen in the next few weeks.

Oh, I thought you should be all aware that Amazon currently have up to 30% off in their Baby store (not just baby stuff though) http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/browse.html/ref=pe_185261_38479671_pe_09/?node=59624031


----------



## Lizard39

Hi Starmaker - I was kinda thinking the same that as you are a single female adopter they would allocate you a female SW   But as you say as he is full time might be easier to get hold of him. Does he have loads of experience? As if he does this will help enormously. Our LA said they try to match SW with adopters (not sure what the criteria is) so maybe they have done the same for you...you just don't know the reason yet! During our first session, all it was was a) look around the house b) what we found good/bad of the prep group c) went through the process & PAR  and what sections we had to complete & d) touchdown on the type of child/ren we are interested in adopting. So just a getting to know you session! 

Pauliboo - now the waiting begins! Fingers crossed for a quick match


----------



## Starmaker73

Yeah, I wonder what the criteria is...hmmm!  I have a good connection with the SW who did my initial visit and also my follow up visit after Prep, so I think I just had it in my head that I would allocated her. As for the SW I have, I'm sure he said at Prep that he has been with the LA the longest of them all so I guess that is a good thing as you say, cause he will be very experienced.  I just am not sure how comfortable I will be discuss my past and all the other things you go through during HS.  I guess only time will tell.  

Thanks for the info about the first visit.  I was about to ask that very question.


----------



## Starmaker73

Double post - sorry.  Just wanted to add some good vibes to Paul for a quick match.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Congrats on the ratification paperwork Paul Adoption 22 seems to move pretty fast based on others experience


----------



## Lizard39

Hello  

I was just wondering if anyone has already had the conversation with SW re 'the sort of child you think will be a good match for you'. We will be discussing this at session on Saturday I was wondering what is covered in that session. I guess, age, sex, heritage, disabilities, child's history, single or siblings are the obvious areas to explore but I wondered if anyone has any additional insight? 

Also, single vs siblings - we think we want a single child, but don't want to rule out possibility of siblings or adopting a second child further down the line or if birth mother fell pregnancy again we might want to be considered for that child. Therefore should be aiming to adoption of 2? Also, does anyone know if you are approved for 2, but you adopt a single child to start with, then adopt a second child a couple of years later, do you have to do prep group & HS all over again? 

Thanks for any help!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

You have to go through again because they need to reassess you as a family of 3 and in particular how your child would be affected and is it right for them.  

At prep they said to us that the more compatible your life styles and interests the better.  Although dh and I would consider a child with a physical disability our SW has basically told us there is no way we'd be matched with one. Her words - you're a young energetic couple you are best living your active lifestyle with energetic children.


----------



## Lizard39

Very interesting comment from your SW Gwyneth re you not being matched with a child with a disability due to being young & energetic. I think it's so hard discussing the type of child you would like to be matched with as so many factors. As hubby & I are talking we seem to say to each 'maybe' alot, aswell as discuss things we couldn't cope with rather than things we could!  For example hubby and I would struggle with a child who's family had a history of schizophrenia incase our child inherited it so that would be a def no for us   writing it like that sounds so harsh


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

It's not harsh you have to feel comfortable with everything.  You can't start beating yourself up over it x x


----------



## Sun Flower

Morning all
Yesterday was last day of prep, all 4 full days done!!   feel like we have made a massive step in the right direction.

Next meeting is in a couple of weeks, it will be handover with SW from prep group and meeting our allocated SW, who is actually the SW that did our initial home visit and we really liked her, so we are pleased about that. 

Star maker, we were told the allocation of SW is based on their current workload, location, experience, work hours etc.. I think having a FT worker will make all of the difference, hope it all goes well. 

Lizard, we have been told to be completely honest with regards to what we and our life can accept and what we maybe can't cope with. There is no right or wrong answer and saying no to a particular group will not put you in a bad light, they prefer to make the right match first time and nit present you with profiles of child which you would say a definate no to. Hope that helps

Gwyneth, hope the whirlwind is going well!!   

Paul, it's all getting very exciting!! Can't wait to hear about your next stage......

Bella, thanks for info on family tree, we have got 2 separate at the moment, might attempt to merge them this weekend while DH is at work, it will keep me occupied.

If anyone has any further tips on homework which we can start now, please let me know. So far we have done family trees, Eco map and pen picture. 

sunflower xx


----------



## Lizard39

Lizard39 said:


> Hi Everyone  sounds like lots of progress for everyone and we are all moving in the right direction!
> 
> Afew folks have asked about getting on with some homework, whilst waiting to start HS. I think it's a great idea as there is lots to do and you can get on with the more straight forward factual stuff rather than personal stuff as your social worker might want that done in a certain way! So far we have spent about 15 hours doing homework and imagine we have another 15 at least to get it all finished!
> 
> Here is a link to the PAR (formly Form F) which is what we are having to complete though we are on the old system so not sure if this is the same form for the new system!
> 
> http://www.online-procedures.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/baaf-form-par-england-2008-parts-a-c.pdf
> 
> Things I think you can get on with are:
> 
> chronology of work, education & special events in life
> family tree
> Ecomap
> Neighbourhood & community and suitability for children
> Access to local services - ie GP, hospital etc
> Finances section
> Childcare experience
> 
> I guess you could start drafts of the other stuff, but our SW said some stuff we write, some sections she will write and some we do jointly - so this might be SW dependant, plus if your SW is like our she said she will give us pointers of what to include in each section as we go through the process and need to do that section! Hope that makes sense!
> 
> Lizard x


Hi Sunflower - you can be getting on with the above - assuming you are having to complete this form too....


----------



## Sun Flower

Thanks Lizard
For chronology, what events do they want? School dates? Employment start dates? Marriage date? 
I am struggling with what they class as 'significant life events' 

Seeing the PAR form is really helpful too, it doesn't look as scary as I thought it would!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

They want all education and employment dates. Significant depends on your life. They want a certain amount of events marriage etc is significant.  SW told us to pad ours out with other events because we didn't have very many. I think she wanted about 10 events we had 2 or 3. We don't see much as significant we see most of life as everyday x x


----------



## Lizard39

Our SW said 'significant to us' which might be different for you. Hubby & I had to do a separate one each. My included death of grandparents, death of friends child, relocating 200 miles away when I was a child, meeting hubby, when got engaged, when married, when brought first home together, IFV #1, IFV #2, miscarriage,  I've done afew unique sporting events so included those as they were significant achievements to me, plus when fist rang adoption agency. Hubby's included the joint things above plus divorce of parents, remarriage of his mum and dad, start date & end date of previous relationship which was 6 years, birth of half brother when he was 18. We didn't include school & employment as we provided a list of them in the employment section. However, if there was something significant about school or you job include it. Make sense!?


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Sounds fab. I guess if you were head girl and it meant the world to you or something at school then include it. Otherwise it's pretty covered as you say in education and employment lists.


----------



## Starmaker73

Sun Flower said:


> Star maker, we were told the allocation of SW is based on their current workload, location, experience, work hours etc.. I think having a FT worker will make all of the difference, hope it all goes well.


Thanks for that Sunflower.  I am now starting to feel more relaxed about it. I think it was just the initial shock when he called me.


----------



## Starmaker73

Sun Flower said:


> Star maker, we were told the allocation of SW is based on their current workload, location, experience, work hours etc.. I think having a FT worker will make all of the difference, hope it all goes well.


Thanks for that, Sunflower. I am starting to feel more relaxed about it, now I have gotten over the initial shock.


----------



## Thyme17

Hello all!

We had the final day of prep this week. After a very hard third day (topics were very sombre though necessary), the fourth and final day was very constructive and forward looking. We got to see some (hypothetical) profiles - I hadn't seen any proper profiles yet, so this really brought home the fact we will hopefully be in matching phase in approximately 5 months time.

HS starts in a few weeks so I need to get going on all those documents that you have mentioned!

Work-related question: My big realization on the last prep day ( I guess I had not really let myself believe that matches could happen quickly before) is that the large majority of matches occur within 6 months (and even, in a reasonable % of cases, within 3 months). Now I had been thinking I could delay telling work till just before panel (not to jinx anything!). I know the requirement is to inform work at matching. However, if we happened to be matched quickly (I suppose should plan for all scenarios!) then we could HYPOTHETICALLY be doing intros within a few weeks of matching, so that seems hard for work to have such little notice. Have you already told work or had any thoughts about how best to handle?

Hope all doing well, and forms are not too heavy going!

Thyme


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## Mummy DIY Diva

They go to your employers for a reference during home study so best to say a while before that goes out so it isn't a shock.  Only my boss knows though not everyone x x


----------



## ariellamcbella

Hi All....

Finding it hard to keep up with everything.

Thyme: With regards to telling employers, they will often send your reference very late in the process...for this reason I am not telling my employer until just before this is being sent. This will be before your report is fully written so will be more than adequate notice...I don't feel honour bound to tell them any sooner than that (especially as my review in march said that I was getting a pay rise in April...in May I enquired what was happening, and they had decided that actually they aren't in the position to provide me with a pay rise right now...but hadn't decided to actually tell me) so I guess it depends on how much notice you feel 'honour bound' to give them. But legally you don't have to tell them at a specific point (apart from giving them as much notice as you can between matching and placement....


Sun Flower...Hope you got the tree sorted in the end.

Everyone else...hope you are all feeling positive and keeping yourselves entertained in between everything!

Had my 'individual appointment' this week... looks like I have to have a 2nd one, as in her words my life has seen a "lot of traumatic experience in a concentrated time" and was too much to cover in one session.

take care! xx


----------



## Sun Flower

Just to say, our references were sent out last week while we were on the prep group, including our employer refs, we only found out about it when we got a call from DH boss!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Same here Sunflower luckily we'd told people.


----------



## ariellamcbella

Wow! That's a bit naughty...they are supposed to yell you it's happening...

X


----------



## Thyme17

oof.....I do hope the SW does not breeze ahead and ask for work refs now! We did tick a box on the application form to say Do not contact for the moment (or words to that effect)!

So Ariella, I was also thinking later. Panel is likely in Jan, so I think Oct/Nov should be time enough without them fretting over this summer. I do worry a little how this will be perceived, but know I shouldn't. I've worked there a reasonably long time, will give good notice....part of me actually wants to tell this boss so I can be done worrying about it and creating monsters in my head. For awhile, I have been the person able to drop everything and travel etc when needed so I know this will cause some waves. But if this is our time, I am not putting it off for work! (Little rant over)

I started the chronologies yesterday, it did take some time to get all the addresses, edu details etc etc together. Thanks so much for the helpful little lists, I 'm sure would have taken double the time without the prompts!

Ariella - your double session may stand you in good stead. At prep they were keen on life events that would help show empathy with issues LOs may face.


----------



## Sun Flower

I know we are all moving at a different pace but has everyone on this thread now completed prep? 
When can we expect to go to panel? I've got January in my head, am I being realistic?

We are on holiday for 2 weeks at the end of this month so home study probably won't start until Sept. 

Banging my head against a brick wall with our GP. Struggling to get medicals booked


----------



## Lizard39

Hi Sunflower - our timescales are 3 days of prep group finished early July, met SW at first HS sessin on 20 July, we have medicals booked end Aug and approval panel booked for mid Dec. You have about 8-10 HS sessions and I think (though don't quote me on this & I don't know if this is just my SW & our LA panel or standard practice) our SW said she needs to get the PAR written and to panel members about 5-6 weeks before panel. So I would think January is quite realistic. We actually had a letter from our LA in June giving us our SW name & panel date, so you coud always ask you Sw when you first meet her. Also, just a thought - get cracking in homework, that way you can have your HS sessions closer together so you don't have too much homework to do in between them! Does that make sense?


----------



## flickJ

Hi Sunflower, we must be on similar timescales - DH and I are on  the new timescales that stared July, don't know who else is?  

They seem to have changed the  training days as it used to be three days before home study, as we did last year on the old timescales, and now our LA gives the three day prep course towards the end of Home Study   

SW visits tomorrow so we hope to get a better idea of what to expect, I have just booked medicals, handed in the forms and cleaned the house from top to bottom. DH likes it when the SW visits as he says it is the only time the house looks clean


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Oh Flick bet the house is looking beautiful. You'll be wonderful tomorrow I am sure let me know how you get on x x


----------



## Lizard39

Good luck tomorrow flick - did you get any biscuits!   I love baking and my hubby doesn't really have a sweet tooth, so using this as an excuse to bake lots of cakes - already told the SW that I'm using her as my cake Guinea pig every HS visit which she found funny!


----------



## ariellamcbella

oooooh lizard... I am always happy to be a cake guinea pig too! 

In ref to panel dates, the SW doesn't always have a date in mind at the beginning of the HS. We asked and she said "in normal circumstances, we'd count about 5 months from now, but I never set a panel date without having done 4-5 sessions and one referee meeting..." But she thinks if all goes well January would be a reasonable assumption...

Yeah Thyme, I think that the Oct/Nov time is when I was thinking tbh...as soon as they let me know that it's roughly time, I will say something to someone...or perhaps I won't and see how long it takes for confidential information that no one is supposed to know about, gets back to me...as that's how the company works, so it could be a laugh!  hahaha (can you tell I am not bitter about the systems in place here?)

Good luck tomorrow Flick (am on roughly the same time scales, but we took our time thinking it over in the initial stages, because we had decided against fertility treatments so wanted to make sure there was no doubt about going through without that having been done first...)

Hope everyone else is doing well!!!


----------



## Thyme17

Hey Sun Flower - Jan sounds reasonable to me. We just finished prep last week. First HS is end August (SW is on vacation till then). Then about 8 home visits takes us to approximately end October, and we have been given a panel date of mid-January. It seems that the "slot" at panel needs to be booked a fair bit ahead so you could probably ask your LA if the panel date has already been allotted.

Flick - prep at end is definitely the new system, with self-directed learning at the earlier stages. We are on the old system with prep at the start. I was thinking only last week that I hope I don't forget too much by January! Will have to keep up the reading in the meantime. Good luck with first HS! I second Lizard's biscuit suggestion. At prep course we were told that SWs love a nice biscuit (or lunch for the longer visits!!)

Ariella....I know....this sort of news gets the grapevine quivering, doesn't it. I'm going to try telling mainly the boss only at the start. We'll see how long to that first "I heard..."conversation!!


----------



## flickJ

Really positive first meeting today  

SW left loads of forms for us to start filling out, also booked our initial training and told us she expected us to be at panal in Jan/Feb  

We have our medicals next week and our referees are being contacted, so as soon as our DRB's are back, she will visit us again. Wow, it seems so real now.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Fabulous Flick our visit was cancelled yesterday she said she had been pulled onto something else at the last minute.  Being me I can't help panicking that something is wrong. Wish I was more like DH. Sw wants us through ASAP she's agency so who knows for us x x


----------



## flickJ

Oh Gwyneth, I am sorry - but I am sure there is nothing to worry about


----------



## crazyroychick

FlickJ, that's great, feels so good once the balls rolling xx

Gwyneth sorry your visit got cancelled but don't panic it is so easy for SW to get caught up especially when working in child protection services xx

Hello to everyone else xx

Well medicals done this am, references and work references out, 5 HS visits down and our SW thinks we will be finished in a couple more visits  so excited, not got panel date yet but hopefully soon xx


----------



## Thyme17

Flick, how lovely to have a good first meeting. I'm totally on tenterhooks till ur first one to see whether we will click with SW! Ours is end of the month so feels far away! But we have also booked medicals for next week, so trying to tick things off list in the meantime.

Crazyroy, sounds like you are making great strides! How was the medical? Did they take any bloods or was it just a physical check up sort of thing?

Gwyneth,must be sooo disappointing to miss a session. But I'm totally sure it was some internal SW emergency, nothing to do with you. During prep, the SWs kept mentioning how much they have to juggle at short notice and cover for each other in court etc. sounds like your SW is very committed to moving fast though, so I'm sure you'll catch up!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Thanks ladies your all lovely.  Crazy chick sounds good not much more to do now. Our SW has seen two references and has the last one booked for when they are back off hols. Medicals at the end of the month.  Just want it done I feel constantly worried something will go wrong but I know I need to chill x x


----------



## crazyroychick

I feel exactly the same Gwyneth, just want to be approved and waiting!

Medical was fine, eye test, listen to heart and lungs, urine sample, breast check (thought this was a bit weird), no bloods, pretty straightforward as we are both really healthy.  Think the order more tests if you have any pre-existing medical conditions xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I'll look forward to the breast exam (not). Thanks for the heads up.  Got finances tomorrow DH is self employed so it's a bit complicated . We're fine but obviously it looks weird on paper.  I'll be glad when its done as it'll be another worry ticked off I hope x x


----------



## Lizard39

Hi everyone  

Hope you have all enjoyed the weekend. I've lost track if anyone has anything exciting happening this week! Good luck if starting prep, have first home study or have medicals this week! 

Gwyneth - hope your finance session went well. As you say always alittle more complicated when you have your own business. 

Crazyroychick - sounds like you are motoring through the process. Fab news that you only have afew more HS sessions. Have you got a date for panel yet? 

Bella - good luck with your second individual session. Out of interest how long do they last as hubby & I both have ours on Friday. Also, what do they cover - just your upbringing, family, parents etc? 

Thyme - how'd you get in with your homework this weekend? Or did you relax & enjoy the sunshine instead!  

Flick - good luck for medicals this week! 

Sunflower - how are you guys doing? Where are you now? 

Have a good week everyone.

Lizard xx


----------



## crazyroychick

Not yet Lizard, how are you getting on? Xx

How is everyone else doing? X

We had my step-son's 18th last night which actually went surprisingly well! We have finally tied the kids down to lunch, been trying to organise a date for months to see them both and tell them we have decided to adopt, wish us luck xx


----------



## GoofyGirl

Hi everyone

Flick, Thyme, Ariella, we have our first meeting in Thursday   so we will be at same stage too, filling in forms, medical etc. Great to get started isn't it?

Crazyroychick, good luck! Hope they are really pleased for you. Should be exciting or them to imagine new younger bro or sis  

Hmm breast exam sounds weird!! Shan't look forward to that! 

Good luck with financials Gwyneth. Sounds like it will be absolutely fine though  

Bes wishes to all

GG xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

SW told us to do a spread sheet for her that says all our outgoings and then state a salary that covers them and leaves a realistic surplus for the additional cost of kids. So pretty relaxed I hope   don't think she wanted to start deciphering his accounts from last year   . Hope everyone has had a good weekend x x


----------



## Lizard39

Lol Gwyneth!   Our LA has a form we have to complete re monthly income vs outgoings -itemising monthly food, clothes, bills, council tax etc. We kinda made up some of it - well food, clothes, leisure/recreation costs! I assume during our finance HS she'll use this as the basis of our discussion! Are you still motoring through HS? By the end of Aug we would have had 3 joint sessions plus our individual HS sessions, plus our medicals. All 4 Reference meetings will take place in September & should mange another 3-4 HS in Sept too, so should be on track for panel in Dec


----------



## Sun Flower

Hi everyone
We are still struggling to get a date for medicals. Got to call AGAIN tomorrow!   

Also DBS checks were sent off 4 weeks ago and when I try to track them online it says they have not received them yet?! strange. SW is confident they were signed by her and posted weeks ago! 
Feeling slightly frustrated.......but positive that things will move forward this week, lots of phone calls to make tomorrow.

Gwyneth, how are the finances coming along? I've started copying mortgage statements etc.. Will I need these? 

Lizard, sounds like home study is going well 

Hi to everyone else and good luck for home study, prep groups, medicals etc.... This week  
Xx


----------



## ariellamcbella

Hi All,

Good Luck Crazyroychick! Hope all goes well!!!

Gwyneth...I know exactly how you feel, this part is the bit I will struggle with the most - the process from the start of home study through to approval panel...I'm not going to say that the initial moments of placement etc are not going to be hard, but for me this will be the worst part...other people deciding my future, their judgments of me deciding what is the best option...I know it's necessary but boy does it drag out and go on! haha

GoofyGirl...We haven't got a date for when we should book our medicals yet...as they are only valid for 6 months, our SW likes to do them after the half way poin t so they are more certain that nothing will hold it up - the agency has experienced references causing a problem and as a consequence the medicals expiring and the applicants having to re do the medicals again at their own expense...so I don't think we're ever going to be up level with anyone til the end of the study... lol

Lizard - Thanks..yeah it's about your early memories, how you perceived your parents when you were young (in terms of their roles and what being a parent means), your experience of Education and as a consequence how you view education now, how you have handled any traumatic experiences how these will have an impact on you as a parent (e.g. empathy, understanding, stress, ability to cope - the positives and/or negatives), also then going into being an adult, how you view yourself now and how you individually view any fertility issues, adoption etc etc. First session was the same length as a joint session (which for us is 2 hours), i expect second session to be the same. It isn't any more or less formal, only difference was that I was flying solo - not a prob for me, but DH might feel a little less comfortable than I did...

Sun Flower...put in writing that you have requested a date for medicals and you are not happy that you have been chasing this up with no luck...You are writing them to tell them they have 7working days to provide you with a convenient date/time for the appointment pr a letter explaining why you are being refused an appointment so you can take it to your local PCT to show why you need to get the medicals from elsewhere. Let them know that if you have not had an adequate response within the time frame outlined, you will be following the complaints procedure (of which you are currently doing step one by voicing that you are unhappy) to file a formal complaint. Send the letter recorded delivery...I find this usually works when my GP's are being idiots (which is most of the time)...  (i know that may make me sound like a total 'B' but they really messed up with a diagnosis for me, which left me housebound for 8 months!  so I have learnt how to play their little games. I am not one of those really annoying people who stamp their feet to get what they want all the time I promise)

Anyone else I have forgotten....Good luck, hello and hope all is going well...

xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

We are doing finances tonight it was other home work about values and parenting yesterday.  Got people coming to measure up for carpet on the hall landing stairs and potential lo's bedrooms today.  Then taking my nephew to build a bear for his birthday present.  

We showed mortgage statements but she didn't take copies or study it however it seems to vary from SW to SW so I would keep copies.  Touch wood our SW seems very experienced and rational.  I think her thoughts are if you were in financial trouble it would come across e.g. we wouldn't be buying carpets etc which makes sense.  Some are very cross the t and dot the I though x x


----------



## Thyme17

Hallo all!

Lizard, how did you guess? We did enjoy the sun in the weekend rather than do too much paperwork ( the silver lining to first SW visit being so far away!)But also did some de cluttering ahead of some work in the house we Re having done over this week and next. Hope HS continuing to go well!!

We also have medicals this week. Hubby's was yesterday,mine is tomorrow. After booking them nearly a month ago, we turned up yesterday to find hubby's appt "in the system" but not showing up on their appt book, but not in the place where they book apps. So other apps had been scheduled over. Grrrrrrr! Luckily GP was lovely and made the time, so we are halfway done. It's a long appt , 40 minutes each!

Sunflower - hope GPs have relented and given you a date. If not, may be worth emphasising the quicker procedures now in place.

Goofy girl...it is v exciting to get going! I so want to meet our SW now. End of the month seems far,tho I'm sure it will roll round soon enough.

Bella, Flick, crazy Roy...hope all moving along well!


----------



## Sun Flower

Hello  

We have a date for medicals! Yay!! Not for a few weeks though, 5th October. But I don't mind as we are on holiday for 2 weeks soon, and we should be a few home study sessions in, by the time we have medicals. Hope that fits with SW plan.

Thyme, good luck for your medical tomorrow. We have been told 30-40 mins each too, I think that must be standard.

Gwyneth, how did the finances meeting go? 

Bella, thanks for the advice, I was all prepared for a battle when I called, already drafted the letter you suggested and the go and offer me a medical date,  nearly fell off my chair!   

Lizard, how are things going with you? 

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all having a good week xx


----------



## ariellamcbella

Lol Sunflower! I have an image of a person (I'm using myself in this image as I do not know what you look like) all pent up ready for a rage-ful argument...only to be given what you need quiet readily and therefore looking (and feeling) quite confused! It's cheered me up on my lunch break after a morning of rubbish, awaiting an afternoon of the same! Thanks!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Finances are okay I think there were a couple of bits she wanted adding but otherwise sw didn't say much.  Been masking taping round wood work and ripping up carpet today so I can start painting tomorrow busy busy x x


----------



## Sun Flower

Hello everyone
We have been for our meeting today, we had a discussion about prep, reflection questions etc.. And we were 'handed over' to our new social worker. All very positive stuff  

We are away on holiday for 2 weeks now so when we get back we start home visits, they think we will need 8 sessions, is this the norm / average? 

First job when we get back from our holiday, decorating the spare rooms! Excited!  

Hope everyone is doing well, look forward to reading your updates xx


----------



## Kboo36

Hello
Been following thread for a while but not posted yet.. finished prep today and now waiting to be assigned social worker for hs.. all starting to feel a little bit real  
Kelly


----------



## ariellamcbella

Hi All

Sunflower - we were told average is 8-10 sessions so yeah thats ok!

KBoo...welcome, congrats on finishing prep hope they don't keep you waiting too long!

I was supposed to have the other half of my personal tomorrow, but she called today and cancelled-rearranged for next Tuesday!  kinda glad in some ways as have a 17yr old living here atm who turns 18next week-we have arranged a party for her Saturday...with all the home made props and stuff being setup...house is a complete state so....gives me time I guess! Lol 

Hope everyone's doing well! 

Bella xx


----------



## mummy2blossom

Hi all,
Hope you don't mind me tagging on!  I'm the same as kboo, we finished prep today and are waiting to hear from our social worker. 

Getting excited to get things moving!


----------



## Sun Flower

Welcome Trinajc and Kboo   
Did you enjoy prep? We finished our a few weeks ago, really enjoyed it, we had to reflect on it with SW yesterday and we surprised her and ourselves with how much we could actually remember! It really did sink in! 

Bella, party sounds fab, have a lovely weekend and hope session on Tuesday goes well. What is covered during personals? I assume childhood, family background, upbringing etc...? 

Hi Gwyneth, thyme, goofy girl, lizard. Hope you are all well xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Welcome to all the newbies glad prep and hs is going well. I am on mega decoration of the house and getting new carpet and other things.  I'm shattered still loads to go but thinking about children's SW visiting in the future motivates me x  x


----------



## ariellamcbella

Hi all,

Sunflower...on mobile...difficulties typing...on page 27 I wrote to Lizard about my personal meeting...got the info in there...would copy and paste but fear I will get arrested for a 'public display of violence"  against my phone shortly! Lol x


----------



## Lizard39

We had our individual sessions last week & it was very easy - 1.5 hours talking about my childhood, parents, siblings, grandparents, what my parents where like, how they disciplined etc. Then talked about school, did i makes friends easily , what I liked/disliked about school, moving to secondary school, college and then university. Then briefly covered my job and the various companies I have work for - again what I liked & disliked. Our SW didn't ask hubby or I about individual feelings re fertility, tx, miscarriage or adoption. 

Nothing to worry about I'd say! 

Hi everyone. Gwyneth - been reading your diary - OMG you are super woman!


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Thanks Lizard,  I am just really determined to get everything done. Carpet comes in 9 days and counting   . Have decided to paint the ceilings too so that's even more to do but it will be worth it when it is done. Luckily I work in education so I am off at the moment so can get this done. I just keep thinking if it isn't done pre placement we have no chance post placement   .  

Hope everyone waiting for SW's hears soon.   Waiting is sooooo hard. x x


----------



## crazyroychick

Hello everyone, really struggling to keep up as so busy with HS homework, sounds like everyone is getting on great xx

We have had 6 HS visits and just got our individuals to do now once out SW is back from hols, got provisional panel date on 14th November, so excited, thought we were being optimistic in thinking December     xx

Good luck to everyone else wherever you are in your journey just now xx


----------



## Thyme17

Hello all, nice to see some new names on as well as the 'old' crowd Loving the updates, there seem to be a good few of us in HS phase ( I'm nearly there...roll on next week!) I haven't been so nervous about meeting someone as I am our SW in awhile!!!
Travelling at the moment, hence not posting so much but dropped by to catch up and couldn't resist a quick post. Medicals were done last week (it felt like an over long physical at the time, but glad it is done!). And we are ticking off the home projects all at one go ahead of SW next week (or hubby is while I'm away... I'm masterminding from a distance, tee hee!)

Take care all xx


----------



## mummy2blossom

Hi, hope everyone is well!  

I was just wondering what hubby and I can expect from our first meeting with our HS social worker?  Are they all very different or are there some similarities?  Will we just be discussing the basics or should I be prepared for some of the harder stuff!

Starting to get nervous now


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

First one should be basic information and planning / diary dates more than anything x x


----------



## ariellamcbella

Hi All!

Thyme - managing from a distance - love it!!!

Hi Trinajc - although everyone's has been different I think - I don't think anyone has got into deep nitty gritty on the first meeting = we went through some small bits - but it was only basic and based on what we had already written to them...

Good luck to those awaiting the start of their HS/Allocation of SW, those doing Prep and HS

XX


----------



## babybiggles73

I hope you don't mind me joining in. We have our last 2 prep days tomorrow and Friday. Looking forward to it, but nervous about what's next. We are on the new system, so hoping it won't be too long a process. Can anyone tell me what we need to do for the hs We have already done family tree, addresses since birth, schools and employment since primary, income, Eco map..... Is there anything else? 
Cheers Lesley


----------



## flickJ

Hi Babybiggles, nice to have you onboard  

I am on the new system as well, and at about the same stage. Have you had your medicals done? DBS? References? 

In the first couple of months, we were given piles of paperwork to complete (sounds like you were too) and at the same time the SW was doing her checks. Then we hope to be formerly accepted to go on to the four-month homestudy phase. Exciting times ahead for us all, good luck on your journey


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone. It's getting busy on here!! 😄😄 

DH and I got word today of our 1st home visit - so excited. Roll on the 16th September. Hopefully soon after we will be allocated another SW to start home assessment process x


----------



## oliver222

AdoptionDreams said:


> Hi everyone. It's getting busy on here!! &#128516;&#128516;
> 
> DH and I got word today of our 1st home visit - so excited. Roll on the 16th September. Hopefully soon after we will be allocated another SW to start home assessment process x


Oh same day as my panel. Hopefully will be a good day for both of us in sunny Scotland.


----------



## mummy2blossom

Hi everyone!

Hubby & I have our 2nd SW visit on Fri and have to complete some questions (22 pages of!) do our family trees and chronology info. But the thing I'm stressing about is the photo we have to provide for our profile!! Lol we don't have any current ones so I'm setting up a mini studio in the front room, my stress is what do I wear! I want to look presentable, not over the top dressy but also a bit mumsy!
What sort of photo have you all used?


----------



## crazyroychick

We have never been asked for a photo but I would just dress casual as they want you to be yourself xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Luckily we had this natural family photo shoot organised by my parents about 12 months ago so I sent SW pics from that. We were in jeans and smart jumpers / jackets because it was November and outside.  However with hindsight I think I would have wanted to wear something like that because it's parentish. However she got those photos because we never take any and other than our wedding shots from 3 + years ago  we have none ha ha didn't think they'd be great x x


----------



## Macgyver

Trinajc said:


> What sort of photo have you all used?


Hi trinajc

We took one of us on our phone and printed that out. We just wore smart but casual. Thiis just to give your profile that personal touch.
Wear what you feel comfortable in.


----------



## babybiggles73

We have now completed part 1 of the process, now waiting to be allocated a sw to start part 2....... I can't wait. Is anyone else on here at the same stage as us?


----------



## bluedreams

Hi babybiggles, we're nearly finished part 1, probs about 2 weeks away.  Just got the last few bits of our homework pack to finish off first and our 5th prep day on wednesday.

Blue dreams x


----------



## Duckeggblue

Hi, can I join this thread? I might be a bit behind you all as Prep is in Sept.  We are on the new system so hoping to be approved March 2014.

It has taken us 6 months to get to is point, but have received word today that our registration of interest has been formally accepted. 

Can anyone tell me the difference between a DBS check and NSPCC check?


----------



## Starmaker73

Sorry I've been MIA or a while, but I have been reading all your posts to keep my spirits up.  Things have gone remarkably quiet here and it just feels like this will never happen for me. 

There are too many of you to comment on personally, but just wanted to give  to those who need them, and   to all those who have had good news or had their LOs finally come home with them.


----------



## crazyroychick

Starmaker, we felt like that too when we waited 2 months to be allocated a SW, keep smiling things will move soon xx

Hello to everyone else, hope you are all well xx

Hello to all the newbies, good luck in your journeys xx


----------



## Starmaker73

Hi guys, so thankful for all your updates.  It's the first place I come in the morning and the last site I visit before putting my phone off for bed.  Your stories really keep me going.

Just wanted to give a wee quick update to say I have finally been allocated a new SW.  She is lovely and i'm very happy.  Have my first meeting with her on Monday, but since I am about a month behind the others on my prep group she is going full steam ahead to "get this show on the road" (her words, not mine).  So I'm finally out of my funk and looking forward again.  

Thanks for all your support guys, it really means a lot.  It's hard to keep my chin up when I've no partner to share my stresses with, and although my support network try very hard it's just easier to talk to people who are going through it all.  Big hugs to all of you.


----------



## Sun Flower

Starmaker, we have our first HS on Monday too. Good luck to us both,  it will be good to compare notes 

Hi to everyone else, we've just got back from 2 week hols so trying to get out of holiday mode and get head straight for Monday. All refs are back and checked DBS online and it's at final stage at last, yay! Just local police checks now and then printing certificate. Not sure how long that bit takes? 

Looking forward to catching up with everyone's news, going to make a cuppa now and read back a few pages  

Sunflower x


----------



## flickJ

Starmaker,

So pleased everything is back on track  

This process really is sent to test us, isn't it?        Whoever said adoption is easy  

Here's ing the process moves along smoothly


----------



## Starmaker73

Thanks crazyroychick, Sun Flower and flickJ. 

Good luck for Monday Sun Flower.  Hope it all goes well. As this is my second 1st HS, it's not as scary this time, but this new SW seems to coming armed with loads of forms that apparently I should have been given already.  I haven't filled out ANYTHING yet and I've been in the process for 9months now. :/  It's weird how everyone's LAs seem to have their own way of doing things isn't it?  It would make it easier for us all to compare notes and timescales if they all did everything in the same order.


----------



## mummy2blossom

Hi everyone, hope your journeys are progressing well  

Just a quick question, we had our 2nd HS visit yesterday and it went really well SW was with us from 10.15-4pm!  She mentioned we will be completing our own profile information/introduction to ourselves, has anyone done this and if so what do you write?  How do you start and end it?  I want it to be perfect as it will obviously be this that 'sells' us to a child!

Best wishes and good luck to those with up coming visits etc


----------



## bluedreams

Hi guys!

Good luck to those of you who have your hs sessions coming up.  We've finally finished our mammoth homework pack, so now waiting for our invite on to stage 2! woohoo, fingers crossed xx


----------



## Starmaker73

Sun Flower, how did your first HS go?  I was thinking about you today.

AFM, I love my new SW and am happily looking forward to the rest of the HS.  On my first meeting alone I have my H&S Report, Pet Questionnaire, Medical forms, and Disclosure forms all completed plus 8 pages of the Form F.  I can't believe how much stuff we got through.

Hope everyone else is going great guns with their HSs too.


----------



## Sun Flower

Hi Starmaker
first session went well thanks, glad yours did too  
she was here for 2.5 hours!! but it went so fast, we talked about family trees, eco map, support network, social lives, friends, family, hobbies etc... not sure how much of the form we completed as she never showed it to us, she was writing notes in a notepad. She said from now on there will be 2 SW's assessing applicants so she will be bringing a colleague next time?! she also gave us the heads up on what we will be discussing next, mainly how we met, how long together, who does what around the house, and what our last argument was about!! I think next week is going to be a bit of a strange one!  
when is your next session?

hi to everyone else, Im at work at the mo so will catch up properly tonight xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sounds good to me Star. SW is going to arrange to come out to us next week I am hoping this is our last visit and that it is October panel. I e-mailed her on Friday asking if it is definitely going to be October because I work in a school so can't take annual leave and need to give plenty of notice so they can cover my office. She said October should be ok. Which doesn't really fill me with confidence as it isn't a yes   . I just want to know I feel like we're living on the end of a thread just waiting to see what others decide. 

On a positive we are at an Adoption Activity Day in the next week so I will post my thoughts after going. I am quite apprehensive and a little unsure about it all but DH thinks it is a good idea so we will see. I think it will be very helpful to look at profiles and then actually interact with the children it will help get a feel for what phrases mean in reality etc. 

Glad everyone is progressing well. I am always reading but have been so busy painting my house that I don't get a lot of time to post. Painting is under control now so I am back on here more. x x x


----------



## Starmaker73

Oh that's great Sun Flower, happy it went well.  I'm glad the Scottish process doesn't have the whole 2 SWs senario, I think that would be more daunting, especially with me being on my own.  Good luck with it.   My next session is a week on Monday.  My SW works PT so has scheduled the next 4 sessions every 2nd Monday.  It's fine though because we have decided that she will set me homework for the Form F, I will do it while I wait for the next meeting and email it to her as I go.

Fingers crossed DIY Diva for your (hopefully) final HS.  I'm looking at your timeline, has your HS only taken 2 months  My SW is saying 6 months for me and I'm supposed to be an easy one she said.  Will be interesting to hear about the Adoption Activity Days, unfortunately they don't seen to do those up here.  I wish they would.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Yes about that.  We had 2 visits a week and I have done lots of homework about 100 pages on word. Also we did a lot on email I think 10 in a day is SW's record.  I work in a school so they took advantage of me being able to focus on it 100% for 6 / 7 weeks.  There is no way I could have done it while in work.  Will update after activity day. Another adopter off our prep is going so will be good to have a friendly face x x


----------



## Sun Flower

Enjoy activity day diva! Look forward to reading all about it

Our SW mentioned a new event in our area, showcasing profiles of the harder to place children, they are hoping to do one again soon and we will be invited along so that we can gather info and learn a bit more....

Star maker, what type of homework have you been set? I've emaild through our chronology, family trees, pen picture today and our next session is a week tomorrow so hoping we are making good progress, looking at 1 visit per week. also got DBS check back now, yay! Just got to wait a few weeks for medical, 

How is everyone else getting on? X


----------



## Starmaker73

My homework was just all the things you've already sent: chronology, family trees, pen picture, etc.  Plus she has left me answer the next few questions on the Form F.


----------



## babybiggles73

Hello everyone, we have done our part 1, had the medicals, DBS checks, and our references all completed and back with the va. we have done the chronologicals, Eco map, family tree etc, but still waiting for a sw to be allocate to us. How long do you normally have to wait?? And once you have a sw, how quick can you do part 2?


----------



## flickJ

Hi Everyone,

We are in the first two months of stage 1 where we have been filling out the ecomap, chronologies, safety report, dog assessment x 3, Family Form, Self-assessment ..........   

We have had our medicals and our references are back (talk about a whilwind)

We were lucky enough to be allocated a SW at the beginning of the process, and have seen her several times during the training sessions we have already been on, so as soon as our DBS are back - we will hopefully be asked to make a formal application and move on to Part two (Home Study)


----------



## crazyroychick

We waited 2 months to be allocated a SW for HS but we have done all our medicals, references, chronologies and other stuff during HS, we didn't fill out a single form until 1st visit! It's amazing how different all the LA's are xx


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Can I join you guys? We are nearing the end of HS but have hit a major obstacle with DH medical. He is type 1 diabetic and has been struggling to control his levels, so the doctor refused to do his medical and told him to come back in 3 months to be retested. So we were hoping to get to panel by November, but looks like this will be pushed back to early next year. In my last individual HS I was asked how I felt about that, but what is done is done and DH health is more important. At least now we can take our time and not rush and also gives me a chance to also lose some weight and get a bit fitter too... 

Look forward to getting to know you all...

Ali x


----------



## flickJ

Hi and welcome onboard  

I am sorry you have hit a stumbling block, but as you say your DH's health is the important thing.

I have found the delays can be infuriating at the time, but in the long run they give us time to reflect on the bigger picture.

I know we all want this process to go as smoothly as possible (and believe me, I have had my fair share of delays and heartache just getting to where we are  )

I hope your DH's health gets under control and that the wait is not to traumatic for you


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi Ali, 

Great to have you on board. Sorry about your road bump with medicals but I do think that rushing isn't always a good thing. Some of the people I went to prep with have chosen to do the process a bit slower and feel really positive about the decision so hopefully that will be the same for you. 

Hope DH gets sorted because as you have said that's the most important thing x x


----------



## mummy2blossom

Hi everyone hope all is well!

I just wondered if I'm being too forward thinking as today we went looking at prams, cots, high chairs etc!  Never would have bought anything but couldn't resist pricing up and seeing if hubby and I agree on styles etc

I'm scared I'm tempting fate but I just feel so positive and excited


----------



## Sun Flower

Trinajc, confession time.......I purchased a changing bag this weekend!!!
Its a plain generic black one, suitable for any age, gender etc.. And it was an absolute bargain with 75% off, so I felt I could justify it! Worried it might jinx us too, but proudly walking to the till made me feel so excited!! it was worth it


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

With buying stuff I think do what feels right.  If you see something and can't resist or it's a bargain go for it.  I haven't bought anything because I want to do a massive weekend of shopping when matched. Just want to go and buy everything in one go so I can not even walk for bags or fit them in the car.  Then I will sit surrounded by all my children's things at home and probably cry my eyes out   I am a nutter x


----------



## Macgyver

Hi guys, just wanted to wish you all the best wishes for your journeys.    
With regards to buying bits, I started our lo room straight after ap.  we knew the age group so just made sure it would suit either a blue or pink.  As soon as we were matched we started buying more specific items that would suit him.  Then started making his room more suited to him.  If you see a bargain as DIY said pick it up if you feel like it.  I picked his cot up as it was 1/2 price and some clothing as they just called to me and said buy me.  


I would say don't buy to much, we found that our lo will be coming with lots of stuff and quite a bit we had already brought.  So keep the receipts just incase you need to take them back.   


Good luck again. Xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Adoption activity day was good. We didn't find a child that we want to look into more but we are glad we went. 

We have learnt that profile pictures make children look a lot older / grow up than they appear and when you actually see them they are tiny bubbas. 
Children waiting may have issues etc but the are fundamentally children and watching them play and laugh and be normal kids was lovely. 
Foster carers and children have a great bond - I know this may sound stupid but I hadn't thought about it a lot until seeing how attached they are in reality. 
Seeing a connection between a profile and a real child is very helpful. They were all far more beautiful, cute, little than their profiles allow you to see. 

I would recommend anyone to go. Not necessarily to find a match ( although great if you do) but to put worries to bed and give you a lot of food for thought for matching.


----------



## Starmaker73

Where can you find out about the Activity Days?  I've never heard of them happening in Scotland, I wonder if they do and they have just flown under my radar.


----------



## GERTIE179

Star maker - Scotland has only just started exchange days in 2012 so thus may be another thing to follow up with. (We got the Scottish Adoption Register later too as that only commenced in 2011. Prior to that was consortiums only.
HTH


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Our SW told us and asked if we wanted to go. We said yes and then SW booked us on and BAAF emailed us a formal invited and details a couple of days before.  Sorry that's not helpful I would ask SW about them and where they are planning the next ones. We were lucky really there was one close to home when we were near the end of HS X X


----------



## Starmaker73

Thanks Gertie and DIY, I will mention them to the SW.


----------



## Sun Flower

Sorry just need to scream!!!!   spent all evening cleaning for visit tomorrow morning, just received email (10pm) from SW cancelling because she has got a cold!!!!! Then she is on holiday next week. 
Not sure when home visit will be now
Very annoyed


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Gutted Sunflower how annoying x x


----------



## Starmaker73

Ugh Sun Flower that sucks bit time.  I'm so sorry.  Hope you get it rescheduled soon.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

SW has emailed about an exchange day during adoption week.  Perhaps check if there's one running near you.  National adoption week is first week in November x


----------



## Sun Flower

Hi ladies
As national adoption week is fast approaching, I think we will see more things in the media and maybe some documentaries on tv? Let me know if you hear of any. 

Had email from SW yesterday, she is now on holiday for a week, so we have missed 2 visits recently (due to her cancelling)   however, we do have new dates set, starting early Oct.......wishing time away here!

Have 2 weeks to keep myself occupied now......any ideas? We are decorating the 2 spare bedrooms (neutral tones as a base for future nursery themes) also clearing out the garage to make space and hanging new interior doors, so plenty to do! But I still find time to day dream and think about adoption and LO's (probably far too much) work has become less important to me now and I find it hard to concentrate or get excited about my job at all. I'm assuming I'm not alone here? Please tell me this is normal?  

Happy weekend everyone, have a good one! X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Totally normal one of the questions during HS was what does work mean to you.  I said it gives me something to do in the week so I am not bored lol x


----------



## Macgyver

Sunflower it is totally normal, we have waited so long for a family that you know it's getting closer work just seems less important.   I wish you well in your exciting journey x


----------



## mummy2blossom

Sunflower, 
I too have times when I feel less enthusiastic at work. Frankly I often feel its getting in the way & hindering me cracking on with homework/decorating etc!


----------



## Sun Flower

Thanks for the reassurance ladies, it's good to know I'm not the only one not giving work 100%, spending most of my time in the office day dreaming!   

xx


----------



## Sun Flower

This thread seems pretty quiet compared to others, is everyone ok? Busy with adoption plans or trying to keep busy doing other things?   

We have our medicals next week, SW has stressed the importance of getting it complete and returned to them ASAP. Does the GP write it there and then, handing it over to us? Or do they take their time and write a report (which I will have to ring and chase every day!   ) 

Sunflower x


----------



## mummy2blossom

Hi I'd noticed things had gone bit quiet too, just assumed everyone is having a lull & had no news. We are plodding along, SW says they've had probs with admin staff who have walked out so she's having to sort references/medicals as best she can. We have been booked into AP 3rd dec!! Obviously date may change if we come across any hiccups! We've filled out a draft profile which will be seen by family finders once SW is happy with it & this weekend I'm finishing my chronology and writing up our support network (also got another book from library to read!). We have our medicals booked for Fri next week but need to check before hand if forms have been received.  

Anyway hope everyone is well


----------



## Starmaker73

I'm here!  I'm just plodding along with HS, I say plodding because that's how it's really going.  My SW says I'm charging through everything so I think she is trying to slow me down as she says I won't be going to Panel until April.  I'm really not sure what we're actually going to do to stretch it out that long. Hmmm.

How's everyone else doing?  Hope all your HSs are all going well.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I am just waiting for panel so nothing really happening for me. 

Our medicals the Dr filled it in there and then as we went through each bit and then asked me if I wanted him to post it or to post it myself. I said I would post it so I could send it registered post. Always a good excuse to make sure they hand it back to you there and then   .


----------



## Sun Flower

Hello!!  

Trinajc , how many home study visits have you had so far? I'm also hoping for Dec panel, but nothing mentioned yet as SW is on hols this week and she cancelled last week   so I think it might be Jan. Another couple on our pre group have text, they are going to panel in Jan, so not even sure if they are doing a panel in Dec, so close to Christmas etc...  

Star maker, April does seem quite far off, maybe they will have a break between finishing home visits and interviewing your refs and then doing a health and safety visit? Our SW did mention she would have at least a 2 week break after visits to write everything up.

DIY Diva, thanks for info on medicals. I am hoping to get the forms back in my hand by the end of the appointment and deliver them myself the following day! I don't trust royal mail   
Good luck next week for panel! Exciting x

Hi to everyone else x


----------



## Starmaker73

Yes, that's what I thought.  I've already done my H&S visit, and refs are getting interviewed in Nov/Dec.  She did mention that it has to take 6 months but i'm not quite sure the reasoning behind that.  Oh well.....there is no rush I guess.  We'll all get there in the end and each day we wait is one day closer to meeting our LOs.


----------



## mummy2blossom

We have our 3rd visit next Fri, they have been long ones, last one was 10am-4pm! Think she's planning on another long one next week.  She's rather scatty and seems disorganised but I think she's a hard worker and does a good job, I over heard her on a phone call when she was round last and she was very efficient and full of authority (poor person on the other end!) so I trust her to get things done. 

I was worried dec was too soon, we have decorating etc to get cracking on but I know we will do it  

A couple of others on our prep have been given dec as potential AP date but I really will not be holding my breath!


----------



## Sun Flower

Hello everyone 

For those of you who have had your medicals, was there any issues with BMI once your forms were sent to the adoption medical advisor?

Had our medicals today, yay! Another milestone   

My BMI was higher than I thought it would be, everything else ok. just hope it's not an issue? DH's fine so it's just me letting the side down   

Sun flower xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

It shouldn't be an issue sunflower as long as you can show you are healthy and more than capable of running around after a lo. 

We had panel on Thursday and got a unanimous yes so just waiting for it to be official now x x x


----------



## Sun Flower

Congratulations again Diva   you have done it!!! Yay!! It must feel amazing  
and thanks for the reassurance. We are active, dog walking, swimming etc.. So we can demonstrate an active lifestyle. DH also goes to the gym, cycles and runs so at least one of us is super fit! 

Xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

I would say nothing to be concerned about then.  Thank you I am just a bit overwhelmed at the moment don't think it's sunk in yet x x x


----------



## Starmaker73

Congratulations Diva  soooooo happy for you.


----------



## Starmaker73

Sorry, I am about to rant.  Has anyone else had a problem of the HS going "too fast"?  My SW wants to put the breaks on and said she is taking a break for a couple of months as the "process should take 6 months and i've nearly finished mine already".  My Form F is done, medicals done, home H&S done, pet questionnaire done, Disclosure done.  All that's left are the references, but yet my SW is talking about March panel.  Aaaaaaaand breath!  End of rant.  

Hope you are all good and getting on well with your HSs.


----------



## Sun Flower

Hi star maker, please fee free to rant away, that is what this place is for  
I'm sorry you are having to put the brakes on, sounds strange to wait until March. Maybe they don't do panel every month in your area? I know the December ones can get cancelled due to Christmas holidays etc... But if your HS sessions are done, Have you seen a copy if your PAR? 

We had 3 rd HS session today, mentally drained, it was my all about me, my childhood etc... I know other couples from the prep course have been given panel dates but my SW has a serious poker face and gives nothing away. I tried asking if we are on the right tracks today, she seems to think we are but when I asked how many more HS sessions she said minimum of 8, some people have 14   
We really wanted it to be done and dusted by christmas but she would neither confirm or deny, just a tight lipped, it will take as long as it takes.......aarrgghh!!!   

Now I'm ranting! Feel better for it though 
x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Rant away my lovelies, 

This crazy world of adoption pushes your buttons at times. Starmaker I have to say that I find your situation very odd I know there is maximum time scales but I had never heard of a minimum. I would politely question this for sure. 

We have been sent a couple of profiles this week and have requested the CPR on one but are now waiting for LO's SW to decided to release it. So not getting my hopes up as we know in the world of SS anything could happen. 

Sunflower a lot of people are given a panel date and then delayed so perhaps SW is trying to avoid this and waiting till she knows for sure before telling you so you aren't let down x x x


----------



## GERTIE179

Hi guys,

For what its worth sometimes the SWs just have to have confidence that u will pass panel and they need to run everything by their managers. Star - we did our personal HS in about 2.5months but references and the visits to them us going back to their manager to review it all will probably take them til dec/jan so you may just have a cautious SW who wants this all done before booking panel. I was also told last night that in your area prospective adopters are getting pushed back on panels as they are using spaces for matches to ensure intros are complete before Dec.

I know its rubbish but if your disclosures are passed why not ask to go to the exchange day that's coming up in Oct (Scotland) but know there's lots in Oct/Nov? Pm if you'd like details to ask about. Helps with the waiting.


----------



## Starmaker73

Sun Flower, my SW says they have a Panel at the end of every month.  I have seen my Par and everything is done except the references.  And you feel free to rant away too. LOL  Hope your SW gives you a panel date soon.

DIY Diva, good luck with the LOs CPR. Hope you get it and you like what you read.

Gertie, yeah I was expecting a Jan panel date so was a bit taken aback when she said March.  Oh well, I guess there is method in their madness.  I mean matches are much more important than approvals, I appreciate that. And I will PM you about the exchange day, thanks


----------



## clo76

Hi ladies

Can I join your group? I finally have my panel date which is 21st Jan, which is nearly 2 years after attending our prep sessions. I have come to believe I have the patience of a saint!!! Our par is finished, but we haven't seen it as yet as we have been allocated a new sw because our 2nd one has gone off long term sick. The new sw is just reading through it and then we should be able to read it. Its an exciting time for all of us, I cant wait to read everyones good news.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Welcome Clo the more the merrier gosh you deserve a medal hope new sw gets in gear quick.  

Thanks star luckily I don't work Fridays so can distract myself with dog walking,  hanging basket sorting and cleaning - I live a glamorous life I know   . Will update you tomorrow on our thoughts.  Love to all x x x


----------



## flickJ

Hi Guys, 

Just had our first Home Study meeting   SW was so nice and loved our dogs   

She booked our HS sessions until xmas and gave us a provisional panel date of 12 February, it's all beginning to feel real now


----------



## Sun Flower

Welcome clo   we have been told January panel too. Although we have not waited as long as you,  I agree you deserve  a medal

Hi to everyone else

Diva, hope your distractions are helping with the wait.

Well Done flick, sounds like you have a plan in place. We have HS visits booked til early Dec. 

We have been invited to an event in Jan to look at profiles, we also had a debate with SW yesterday regarding age of children for singletons v sibling groups. We always thought we wanted siblings but now they have mentioned there are more singletons under 12 months in our area! So we just don't know how we feel now   will think and chat About it over the weekend......

Sun flower xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

It's a tough choice sunflower lots of people wrestle with it. Unfortunately we don't think any of the cpr's were the ones.  Fairly disappointed but it's got to be right so back to square one for us. X x


----------



## Sun Flower

Thanks Diva,
Ive been thinking a lot since last chat with SW and I can't imagine what it will feel like to have profiles in front of me and having to make a decision about if the children 'feel' like ours.

I hope you get more CPRs through soon, good luck xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Thank you sunflower.  It's really hard to be honest.  In life people totally take for granted that everything they do they are surrounded by others doing it or who have done it.  You have seen how others react and feel in that situation and have a social schema to follow.  With adoption you don't have that you don't know how you should feel and that's really confusing.  X x


----------



## Starmaker73

Oh Diva I am so sorry, and I hope that you get some more CPRs to look at soon.  Your LO is out there waiting for you, and I have every faith you will find each other when the time is right.  

Flick, congrats on the successful first HS, and yay for your SW and your doggies getting on so well.

Welcome Clo, and congrats on the panel date after such a long wait.

Sunflower, hope HS is progressing well for you.  Good luck with the big decision about single vs siblings, at least you still have plenty time to consider what's best for you.

AFM - well nothing new, I'm still in limbo.  Still on my 'bit of a break' from my SW.


----------



## clo76

Hi everyone, thanks for the welcome! I've bee reading the posts for awhile now. I just can't wait for panel now. I feel like I'll sleep for a week when we get our good news, at the moment I feel so tired!!! Suppose I better get used to it though!!! Lol! Good luck to everyone with things happening this week! xx


----------



## alig1972

Hi 

Just thought I would give a quick update on us, we are nearing the end of the of Home Study and our SW is starting to contact references for interviews, because of this our next Home Study is not until 13th Nov so a bit of a break. 
DH medical assessment hopefully will be end Nov, if he has his blood sugar is under control (type 1 diabetic), so panel (fingers crossed) will be early 2014. 
They still have a issue with me not expressing emotions and so hopefully talking to references will help as they know me better, I find it hard talking to strangers. 

My mind is constantly thinking adoption and wishing the days away...

Roll on next year! 

Ali x


----------



## DRocks

Omg been given a panel date of Dec 16th


----------



## Sun Flower

Disney, that's fab news! You must be so excited. How many HS sessions have you had in total? have you seen your PAR yet?

Ali, we too are nearing the end of HS (well at least I hope we are, they keep being vague about the date of the very last visit!) our references are being interviewed in nov. Good luck! 

Wishing the time away here, although busy with DIY projects and received invite to 2 workshops that our SW is running on CPR, matching panel and post box contact, so they should be useful, will be nice to catch up with everyone from prep groups and I'm sure it will look good as an addition on our PAR. 

As we a all heading towards panel o this thread, I was just wondering how many home visits did you have? Total number of visits, days or hours? I am just trying to work out if we are nearly there yet?   

We have done individual sessions, childhoods, motivation to adopt, lifestyle, support network, family, friends, how we met, who does what around the house, disagreements, getting married etc.... Number of children we would like to adopt, strengths and weaknesses......is there anything else? I know we have to do a health and safety visit but I can't think what else they could ask?? we have had 6 visits so far and we are now starting to repeat ourselves with our answers as we really have covered everything in great detail!   

Hope everyone is well, I love reading the updates on here, we are all getting so close to the end now..... 

Xx


----------



## DRocks

We have had four visits about 6 hours total. We see our PAR next week. 
I don't know if it makes a difference that we have both been in the childcare profession for 20 years and work as childminders now.
We have our individuals next week 1hr each and then our last session the week after.
Only thing left is our medicals, I have a bmi of 50 but nobody seems worried as I'm very active and on a mission to loose, but you never know.
Our homework this week is our Eco map.


----------



## crazyroychick

Hello everyone, not posted for ages struggling to keep up as decorating like mad and doing all the odd jobs I keep putting off in preparation for motherhood! Can't believe I am actually saying that, been dreaming about it for so long! 20 sleeps to panel and very real all of a sudden! X

DisneyrocksH you getting nervous about panel? We still haven't seen our PAR yet! X

DIY diva, how are you? Any potential matches yet? X

Starmaker how are you? X

Hello to everyone else x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Hi Crazychick

Completely know how you feel with the house jobs it's all consuming getting everything done. We've seen 7 profiles and 2 sets of CPR's but not found the right ones yet.   I know this probably sounds really childish and ungrateful but both DH and I are really fed up now. We just want to say yes not no and stop living in limbo. It's my birthday this weekend and I HATE my birthday so would have been great to have some good news to cheer it up. Spending the weekend doing DIY and being Godmother at a Christening. So glad someone else planned an event so I can totally ignore my birthday at least. 

So great that everyone else is nearing the end of HS and lots of early Xmas celebrations with December and November panels   x x x


----------



## Daddyboo (Paul)

alig1972 said:


> Hi
> 
> Just thought I would give a quick update on us, we are nearing the end of the of Home Study and our SW is starting to contact references for interviews, because of this our next Home Study is not until 13th Nov so a bit of a break.
> DH medical assessment hopefully will be end Nov, if he has his blood sugar is under control (type 1 diabetic), so panel (fingers crossed) will be early 2014.
> They still have a issue with me not expressing emotions and so hopefully talking to references will help as they know me better, I find it hard talking to strangers.
> 
> My mind is constantly thinking adoption and wishing the days away...
> 
> Roll on next year!
> 
> Ali x


Hi Ali, I just wanted to jump in and try to put your mind at ease.

I too have problems getting emotional (I have Asperger's which doesn't help), my family are all the same. It's only because of this process that my mum has started to hug me, which still feels rather uncomfortable!

Just be honest with your SW, and let your references know to be honest too.

Make sure you let your SW know how you de-stress/unwind and who you talk to about things (it could be this forum!!) - it's all about the support group (in person or online).
As long as they know that you have emotional support when you need it, then that's all that matters.

Take care, Paul x


----------



## Sun Flower

Diva, I'm so sorry you are still in limbo, it must be so frustrating. Hope you manage to have a nice birthday   can I just ask, what is the difference between a child profile and a CPR? Do they give you a summary initially and then you can request a full report? 

Just curious as we have been invited to a CPR workshop, they have sent us loads of paperwork with a mock CPR, the thought of reading one for real and having to make a decision scares me! 

Best wishes xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

A profile is basically one or two sides of A4 with a photo and basic details. If you like that then you request the cpr which is the child's version of our PAR. It's anything from 30 pages plus depending how much there is to say.  Tells you all  chronology of ss involvement and decisions.  Details about parents and siblings. Medical information and anything else relevant.  Much more information. How that helps x


----------



## clo76

Evening everyone, how are you all? Sorry I don't know everyone's names!!

I just thought id let you know what happened today. Our sw came round with our draft par, I have read through it and there are several mistakes. Only small things like how long we have been together, they have said 7 years and we have been together 10. im hoping they will amend it, im sure they will but its annoyed me!!! She also brought round a booklet of profiles of children in our area. it was heart breaking reading some of them and there were a few I was drawn to but then my partner wasn't as keen. she said that when they link with children they only link with one adopter, which is great because I have known children to be linked with several adopters. I just cant wait for panel now!!!


----------



## Sun Flower

Thanks for the info Diva, have you had any more profiles through yet?

Clo, good luck for panel. What date is it? I can't wait to see our PAR but must admit I also worry about mistakes and having to make lots of amendments, our SW is very scatty and unorganised!! (much to my frustration   )

Hi everyone else, Disney, crazy, star maker, Paul, Ali, flick....... hope everyone is well

Wishing you all a lovely weekend  

We are moving things around in the bedrooms, decorating in preparation for LO's plus changing our room too, felt a bit left out doing all the nice things in the spare rooms! Parents need a nice chilling out space too  

Sun flower x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Seen 3 more but all unsuitable for different reasons not any we could look into further unfortunately.  Hope you're all enjoying the weekend and the crazy wind. We ended up leaving a fireworks display early because it  is so windy. X x


----------



## clo76

Hi sun flower, our panel date is the 21st jan. Sw sees our last referee next Friday. Then sw will do another visit to check the health and safety stuff and ask us some questions that could be asked at panel!!! Nervous about that as I'm not good in those kind of situations. I'm so looking forward to panel being out of the way! 

Sw brought round a few profiles when she last came round. It was weird, my dp said it felt like we were looking through a catalogue and also while we were looking at it our sw watched us all the time. I felt really on the spot, so I felt I had to read them all even though there were only about 3 children that would have been suitable for us. My dp thinks she was probably trying to gage our reactions. 

Anyway how far have you got in the process. I read about so many people on here, I don't retain info that well!

xx


----------



## Sun Flower

Hi clo
We are at a similar stage to you. Hoping to go to panel in Jan, got 6th visit tomorrow, then 2 more for health and safety, hoping to see PAR before Christmas! (lots of hoping and finger crossing going on here!) but it does Feel like we are actually getting there now. 


Diva, really hope you get the profile you have been waiting for, very very soon x


----------



## DRocks

Sorry I removed post as scared our social worker will see I'm *****ing


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Disney that's disgusting how can they possibly justify such awful prejudice.  I know some discriminate on age and I am not saying I support it but they have a in part logical argument behind that. What possible reasons are there for discrimination on sexuality. I am shocked x x x


----------



## Starmaker73

DisneyrocksH said:


> Had our one to one's last week which were weird and uncomfortable, also a bit sole destroying tbh as told that we would never get a baby as a lesbian couple as priority goes to heterosexuals. It kind of left us in limbo but we have emailed for clarification. We have 20 years childcare experience so I just don't understand


I'm shocked to hear this, Disneyricks. I'm single and when I asked whether I'd be at that back of the queue for a child behind couples, my SW told me that a child will be placed with the best match regardless of sexual orientation/single/couple. In saying that, I am not looking to adopt a baby, but a 2-4 year old so maybe that makes a difference. I don't know. It's still awful if that's what actually happens. 

Hi everyone else, hope you are all well. Sun Flower I feel like we are on the same path.  It's good to have someone to share my timeline with. I am slightly unusual in that I have been writing my own Form F (which I assume is the same as the PAR you talk about) so I know exactly what's on it.  I have finished my HS, had my medicals, Disclosure Scotland is back, references are done. Think the only thing my SW has to do now if write her recommendation on the PAR then visit 2 of my references. Still have no clue when I'm going to panel as I am seeing my SW for a visit tomorrow then she is taking a break. We were actually already on a bit of a break' but I asked for a meeting with my SW because my work situation has changed (I am getting made redundant in March) and I need to discuss this with her obviously. Wish me luck.

Diva, I'm sorry that you haven't found a profile that you want to pursue yet. Your LO is out there waiting for you, just try to keep that in mind. Maybe they aren't ready for you yet and you just need to hang on a bit longer to find them.

Glad everyone else is plodding along nicely. Panel dates will be here before you know it.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

So sorry redundancy is a definite now Starmaker. Have CAB ever got back to you with anything useful? Hope your SW can give some helpful advice


----------



## Starmaker73

Thanks Diva.  CAB were unhelpful to say the least.  They were busy telling me about all these benefits I would get i.e. SAP and Working Tax Credits when I knew full well that they were talking rubbish.   I did try to tell them that, but they were confused.  So I ended up consulting my nearest Benefits Agency to find out what I would entitled to.  At least I know what's what now, and I am armed with facts and figures for my meeting tomorrow.


----------



## Wyxie

Disneyrocks, that's terrible.  It shouldn't make a difference, the child should be placed with the best match.  I would ask for a further meeting, possibly including the SW Manager, to get a clarification of why they feel this is the case.  It shouldn't make a difference, although given the power of individual SWs in selection of adopters I could see how it may do, if there's a commonly held belief that a child will have an easier time with peers if they are adopted by a heterosexual couple.  I simply cannot think of any other reason why they would say this.  It's incredibly sad if that really is the position.

I know anecdotal evidence doesn't mean anything really, but I only know one same sex couple who have adopted, and they had a 14 month old placed.  That was a couple of years ago now, and there were a lot less babies in the system then than now, so it does happen, although I have no idea of whether it's unusual.

All the best,

Wyxie xx


----------



## Lizard39

Hello Everyone,

I haven't posted on here for awhile as life has been a little busy! 

Disneyrocks - OMG that is terrible, as Wyxie suggests....def get your SW to clarify.  

Starmaker - sorry to read you are being made redundant in March. How are you feeling about that? Hope it doesn't effect the timescales to approval panel  

Sunflower - January will be here before you know it! Make the most of those Christmas parties & celebrations as this time next year....  

DIY Diva - hope you have had a lovely weekend.   you get a match soon. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like in that 'waiting period' knowing your LO's are out there but you just haven't found them yet. We should be there soon ourselves though!!

Clo - imagine it was really weird reading profiles with your SW watching you - I'm hoping when the time comes for hubby & I we get to do that part on our own.  Also re errors in your PAR - don't take it personally as ours had several factually errors too! Think SW get overwhelmed with the information they gather & number of applicants they take to panel!!

Crazyroychick - you are taking after DIY Diva with the decorating! Are you doing the whole house of just certain rooms? 

Ali - has your SW talked to your references yet? Hope so, so you can move on with the process and get to panel early next year! Also hope your hubbies blood sugars are under control. Btw - my mind is constantly on adoption too!  

Hello to everyone else - hope you are progressing with HS, reviewing PAR's and getting ready for panels  

AFU - we are currently reviewing our PAR, which we are generally very pleased with and set for panel in 5.5 weeks time! Though wasn't impressed when SW said sometimes prospective adopters can get 'bumped off' til the following month if there is a flurry of matching panels that need to go on that day. Fingers crossed that doesn't happen as we were given our date 5 months ago and don't think I could cope having to wait til after Christmas to go to panel!


----------



## babybiggles73

Disneyrocks.... a same sex couple on my course have been linked with an 11month old boy and the introductions start in January. ...


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Glad it's nearly there for you Lizard.  Got everything crossed for panel in 5 weeks.  X x


----------



## Sun Flower

Good luck lizard. Can't wait to read your good news in 5 weeks.........  x


----------



## Starmaker73

Lizard39 said:


> Starmaker - sorry to read you are being made redundant in March. How are you feeling about that? Hope it doesn't effect the timescales to approval panel


Hi Lizard, yeah it's not ideal and the timing couldn't be worse, but hey what can you do? My SW is coming in 90 mins so we'll see what she says.

So exciting that you only have 5wks til panel. We were on the same time schedule I thought, but my SW said Dec panel was too quick and has put me on a break to slow our process down.  Oh well, I assume their is method in their madness. Wishing you all the best for Panel, it will be here before you know it.


----------



## Sun Flower

Help please   had an awful meeting with sw's today. They called us into their office rather than meeting us at home, they said they feel like they don't know us, we are on visit 6 and we thought everything was going great. However, SW has been chatting to her manager about our case and it seems on paper we look great but in their opinion we show no emotion and they feel like they don't know us, they feel there is a barrier (but when we questioned the baiirer) they couldn't actually tell us what it was   
We said we didn't agree and we had given our all, answering fully and giving examples etc... And they agreed!! But also said it wasn't enough   what do they want from us?!?! 
They also questioned the number of IVF cycles and asked why we had so many? 

They asked about childhood and basically tore our life story apart, asking if we would make children hug, as DH family are tactile and mine are loving but we don't hug / kiss etc.. Am I making any sense here? I felt like they were making a huge deal out of nothing and just feel that we haven't 'clicked' with them at all  

Can we request a different SW? Or maybe change LA? Or is it too late now?

They want us to have our individual sessions again and be interviewed and video taped at their office   I don't want to do it and feel it is unnecessary. They agreed on paper we are great candidates but felt we were rehearsed and our answers were too perfect!! The want us to relax more, which DH pointed out is hard with 2 strangers in your living room grilling you about your life! 

Any advice? X


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Sunflower I am really sorry but no expert.  I would start a specific thread so others who have been through something similar will see it x x


----------



## Starmaker73

Sun Flower, I'm with Diva, I wouldn't have a clue how to advise you but you should def start a new thread for this.  Just wanted to add that I was really disheartened when I read your post, I'm so sorry this has happened to you especially since you are so far down the line.  I changed my SW without any problems but that was at allocation so not sure what your options would be at this stage.  I can understand how you don't want your interviews to be videoed, that sounds hideous and so uncomfortable.  I hope you can find some advise from someone on here who has been through something similar.


----------



## Lizard39

OMG Sunflower   I am so sorry to hear that. I don't have any experience/advice, but if that was me after calming down I would be asking the following questions;

* ask them to clearly articulate 'why they feel there is a barrier & your lacking emotion' and give examples, as how can you & hubby address these if you don't know what they are ( in your LA eyes)
* assume you told them the number of IVF cycles in initial meeting/form, so question why they have only brought this up now as they should have said earlier if they have an issue with it or limit (which would be ridiculous). Also, who are they to judge that you had 'too many' and it's the 'moving on and mourning your loss that counts not the number of cycles you had.
* regarding kissing/hugging/tactile - all couples & families are different. Again ask them to clearly articulate there thinking and how this effects your application
* they are contradicting themselves by saying 'relax more' and then saying they want to video tape your individual sessions again - as you certainly wouldn't relax being recording. Question why they want to do this, what is the benefit, what would they do with the recording, how does it effect you're application
* re changing LA - I believe you could still do this - though a new LA/VA would want to know why - so I'd get written answers to the above first before pursuing another agency
* I would also be asking why it's taken 6 visits for this to come to light when you had been getting positive (?) messages from your SW that you are moving in the right direction

Also, have they spoken to your references yet? Hopefully they can help in terms of the emotion piece? 

Hope the above helps alittle   Xx. but, as DIY Diva & Starmaker said - maybe start a new thread as might have some good suggestions from other.


----------



## Starmaker73

Just wanted to add a little 'me' post.  Told my SW about the redundancy today and she didn't bat an eyelid. She said as long as I can prove that I am/will be financially secure enough to support me and a child then it doesn't matter.  Wow, what a relief.  So that was my last visit today she said.  Still no date for panel though, so told me to 'leave it with her', think she is aiming for Jan or Feb.


----------



## AdoptionDreams

I FINALLY have some good news to share.  We have been allocated our SW and HS starts next Thursday. I'm so excited that we are finally moving forward.  What a day. Today would have been our due date if I hadn't miscarried, I woke up this morning with a heavy heart. Then I realised that this morning kicked of Adoption Week and THEN our phone call arrived this afternoon. God certainly had a plan for us! ❤❤❤ XxX Sorry about the me post!! X


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Sun Flower said:


> Help please  had an awful meeting with sw's today. They called us into their office rather than meeting us at home, they said they feel like they don't know us, we are on visit 6 and we thought everything was going great. However, SW has been chatting to her manager about our case and it seems on paper we look great but in their opinion we show no emotion and they feel like they don't know us, they feel there is a barrier (but when we questioned the baiirer) they couldn't actually tell us what it was
> We said we didn't agree and we had given our all, answering fully and giving examples etc... And they agreed!! But also said it wasn't enough  what do they want from us?!?!
> They also questioned the number of IVF cycles and asked why we had so many?
> 
> They asked about childhood and basically tore our life story apart, asking if we would make children hug, as DH family are tactile and mine are loving but we don't hug / kiss etc.. Am I making any sense here? I felt like they were making a huge deal out of nothing and just feel that we haven't 'clicked' with them at all
> 
> Can we request a different SW? Or maybe change LA? Or is it too late now?
> 
> They want us to have our individual sessions again and be interviewed and video taped at their office  I don't want to do it and feel it is unnecessary. They agreed on paper we are great candidates but felt we were rehearsed and our answers were too perfect!! The want us to relax more, which DH pointed out is hard with 2 strangers in your living room grilling you about your life!
> 
> Any advice? X


I am shocked to read this. Why on earth would they put you through 6 visits and then land this bombshell - so very unfair. Can you take it further and speak to someone in management? X


----------



## flickJ

Oh god Sunflower, I am so sorry to hear this awful news - a similar thing happened to us last year  , I will post more on your other thread, I feel so terrible for you   

Starmaker - I am so pleased that the SW took the news in her stride, it must be such a weight of your mind  

AdoptionDreams - yeah! You are on your way now


----------



## Starmaker73

Yes, flick, it was a huge relief.


----------



## crazyroychick

Starmaker, that's great news, really hope you get panel date soon x

Sunflower, big    What a horrible way to treat you, 6 sessions in and no indication there is a problem, absolutely shocking! I would be questioning why they want to tape your sessions? Never heard of this on any of the threads! Hope you get some answers soon xx

Adoption Dreams        xx

Lizard, got a new kitchen and started there! Ended up glossing whole house, now stripped all wallpaper off LOs room, just trying to tie down the brother in law to plaster! How is your PAR? X

DIY diva, how are you? Xx

Hello to anyone else I have missed xx

Well 9 sleeps to go and still no time or official letter inviting us to panel! Getting so nervous now xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Crazy chick our letter came about 3 days before so don't worry.  Our sw told us a panel time verbally but then it was changed because of a couple that were travelling far for matching panel.  So don't worry they are probably waiting till they are 100% before saying a time x x


----------



## crazyroychick

Well ladies it's official, received our letter last night, 1.45 a WEEK today OMG, now am officially a nervous wreck! Xx

Hello to everyone else xx


----------



## Starmaker73

Yaaaaaay!  So excited for you.  I'm overseas then so will have to find wifi somewhere so I can pop on here and see it it all went.  Not that I have doubt that it will be a big fat yes.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Brilliant news CC x x 

Sunflower how are you? Has there been anymore contact or explanation? Thinking about you and sending


----------



## Starmaker73

Yes, I was thinking the same Diva......Sun Flower are you there?  How is it going? Any update?


----------



## Sun Flower

Hello ladies   yes I'm here

This week has been interesting and stressful......so, various emails have been flying around between us and sw's (in our LA we have 2 for assessments) so getting them both to agree and email a reply is quite tricky! Anyway, we now have our individual interviews booked in a couple of weeks. We also have our evening workshop next week, so looking forward to catching up with people from prep, will be good to see where they are all up to and if there have been any set backs (or is it just us!) 

We have dug our heels in and said No to being filmed but it looks like we might have to be voice recorded, apparently it's part of the process so we can be scored. I've done some research the AAI model of adoption assessment and it doesnt feel quite as scary as it first seemed but it still hasn't been explained properly and we have not be reassured about it at all   just want to get it done now and then the review will be early Dec to see how we are getting on. I was hoping Dec or Jan panel when we started this process, no chance now   but we will keep plodding on

How is everyone else doing? 
Diva, I read your diary, I think a a review meeitng with SW manager sounds like a good idea.

Crazy, excited for you, good luck

Star, thanks for thinking of me  

Xx


----------



## Starmaker73

Well at the very least I am glad that they have agreed you don't have to be videoed.  That seemed like a terrible idea to me, what an ordeal to put you both through.  I'm not familiar with the AAI assessment, are all prospective adopters voice recorded under this method?  So they are interviewing you (and voice recording you) individually then having another meeting in which they will review how it went? Is that what's happening?  Were their emails any more informative as to what their 'problem' is with your previous interviews/answers?  Because unless they can give you some guidance I don't see how they expect these next interviews to be different.  I really feel for you both, and I'm sorry you have to go through this.  

What's the evening workshop you are attending next week, is this a continuation from Prep?  It will be lovely to see all the others again.  Several of the couples on our Prep are all meeting up for lunch when I get back from holiday, I'm really looking forward to it (we keep in touch via email, but it will be nice to sit down and catch up properly).

Good luck with the interviews, please keep us posted.  And I wouldn't worry about the lack of Panel date, I'm on the same time scale as you and I don't have the glimmer of a Panel date yet either.


----------



## Sun Flower

Yes, we have to be interviewed and taped (voice recorded), they said only one SW in our LA has training in this type of assessment so far, i think it's new   
I asked what questions will be included, they said similar to personal interview but more in depth and they want to tap into our emotions and memories from childhood to show we can form attachments with children, adults and that we had good attachment to our parents (which we did and which we have stated many times during visits!) I have raised concerns that our answers will be the same as the were previously as we have been totally truthful and held nothing back! DH said the same, we have nothing else to say as we are not hiding anything!
so frustrating, I'm not sure what the result of the interviews will be but I get the impression they are make or break in terms of us being successful, or not!  So we are both really feeling the pressure. 
And then you have our SW saying 'ooh try and relax' seriously!!!


----------



## Lizard39

Hi everyone - nearly time or the weekend  

Sunflower - gosh what a stressful week. Did you see my post afew days ago about suggestions? If that was us I'd be getting our LA to clearly articulate the issues they see & give examples so we could address them in our sessions. 

Starmaker - fab news your SW was ok with your redundancy. Bet that is a relief  

DIY Diva - waiting for the right match must be so hard - I'm dreading that stage! We go to panel on mid Dec and I'm seriously thinking about saying to SW - don't show us any profiles til January as I want to have a lovely last Xmas with hubby & not worrying & thinking about LO's profiles. Do you think SW would be offended? 

CRC - OMG, this time next week you'll be celebrating!  

AdoptionDreams - sorry you had a heavy heart afew days ago   Seems like things happen for a reason - and allocating your SW & starting HS came just at the right time.  

AFU - we were really pleased with our PAR & feel our SW really did bring hubby & I to life - as much as you can on paper!   So just one more meeting before panel in 5 weeks time


----------



## Starmaker73

Sun Flower said:


> I'm not sure what the result of the interviews will be but I get the impression they are make or break in terms of us being successful, or not! So we are both really feeling the pressure.
> And then you have our SW saying 'ooh try and relax' seriously!!!


Oh no, I really hope this isn't the case. And if it was then I think your LA really need to clarify what their actual 'problem' is. It seems they are pressurising you as opposed to supporting you, and that's not helpful at all. Sending good vibes and  to you.

Lizard - that's brilliant news that you are happy with your PAR. 5 weeks to go..... , hope it flies by for you.


----------



## Lizard39

CrazyRoyChick - was it panel yesterday?? How'd it go?


----------



## crazyroychick

Big fat YES! Not properly sunk in! Bit rough after all the champers xx

Lizard, how are you? Xx

Sunflower, how's are things going for you now? Xx

DIY diva anything new with you guys? Xx


----------



## mummy2blossom

Well done many congratulations!    

What can we expect? We have ours soon and am beginning to panic!

Hope you enjoyed celebrating


----------



## flickJ

Woo, congrats, excellent news


----------



## crazyroychick

Was ok, panel were lovely! Was really quick we were only out for about 2mins and they called us back in! X

They asked how we found the process, about our wee dog, my hubby's children from previous marriage, how we decided on age group and work/child care plans xx

Best of luck but I believe the decision is already made xx


----------



## Sun Flower

Congrats, that's fab news!   has it sunk in yet? 

We've had an email from SW saying they have discussed things and they will not be taping or recording our interviews, after all    kicking up a fuss and causing us to worry like that for no reason!!! 
Must say though, it's a Massive relief. Feeling so much more positive again now.

Got my interview tomorrow, must remember to poke myself in the eye beforehand, so they can't criticise my 'lack of emotion'   

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend
Xx


----------



## Lizard39

Hello  ,

Very quiet on here - hope you are well, working your way through the adoption process & Christmas shopping   and getting ready to enjoy Christmas either in your own, with your partner or as a family with your LO's as this time next year    Life will be very different with an addition(s) to your family!!  

All is well with us - we   go to approval panel next week, unless we get bumped off for space required for matching panels. I really hope we don't as will be lovely to   get approved in 2013 and go into 2014 knowing we are going to be a mummy & daddy.


----------



## crazyroychick

Lizard, best of luck, can't wait to hear of your big fat YES! Xx

Well our wee room is plastered, painted, emptied and building up mammas and pappa's wardrobe just now     xx

Getting really impatient for a match lol xx

How is everyone else, set for Xmas? Xx


----------



## DRocks

Lizard are you nervous? I'm so nervous I keep having weird dreams and it's driving me nuts lol. We are at panel two weeks today  
Sending good wishes your way x


----------



## Lizard39

Crazyroychick - have you seen any profiles yet? We saw the managing SW recently and she said she'd send us some profiles over soon - not necessary great matches but so we can get an idea of what a profile is & the type of info in them - I know some folks might not like this, but for us it will definitely help us. Exciting that you are preparing your LO's room - are you going neutral til you know if little boy or girl. 

Disney -   cracking open the champagne in 2 weeks time. Not had any weird dreams yet and feeling remarkable calm at the moment - though this time next week might be a different story!


----------



## flickJ

How exciting for you, Lizard and Disney! Fingers crossed for you both but I have a feeling it will be a very happy xmas for both of you - as you said, Lizard, knowing you will be a mummy in the new year must be so good  

AFU well, we will have our sixth HS visit on Friday and SW mentioned about starting a "Family Book" to show panel, nothing to specific as we do not know what child or age range we would (  ) be matched to  

She also mentioned about bring some profiles around for us to look at over xmas, not actual children waiting for adoption, but just so we can get used to seeing profiles.  

She also mentioned the "Mummy" word! (I started crying  )

Good luuck to everyone


----------



## crazyroychick

Nah, not seen any, not even heard from our new SW who we were meant to meet before the panel! Bit fed up, don't expect a quick match but would like to at least know who she is! X

Yeah going neutral until we know, dying to crack on though x

Disneyrocks, not long, best of luck and enjoy celebrating xx

Flick, u got a panel date yet? Xx


----------



## mummy2blossom

Hi everyone, I've not posted on here for a while as been overcome with nerves....
Had panel today and got a unanimous big fat YES!  

I'm a nightmare with nerves and was shaking so much lol. After a brief chat with our SW first they called us in and less than 15 mins later we got approved, still think we're in shock but will be cracking open the bubbles tonight 

Glad to hear everyone seems to be doing well & sorry for not writing individual messages am at in laws spreading the news


----------



## Sun Flower

Hi guys

sounds like everyone is doing great, huge congrats Trinajc!!! enjoy the bubbles tonight  

AFU, we are on hold   SW has been pulled onto an urgent case to get 2 children placed before Christmas, so we have been put on hold (possibly until the new year). I know its the nature of their job and the children's safety comes first.  Im soooo glad those little ones (who ever they are) will be safe and happy this Christmas. 

For us though, SW has been rubbish, no communication, no reassurance. Just literally dropped us until further notice. I really have a bad feeling that they will forget us all together! They promised to contact our refs for visits 2 weeks ago, but nothing. I know chasing doesn't help, so we sit and wait, and christmas shop!! 

much love to you all, fingers crossed for those coming up to panel very soon xx


----------



## flickJ

Hi Everyone,

Sunflower - I am so sorry for your enforced delay, you have certainly been through the ringer, haven't you? Stay strong, hun, and don't give up hope. I am sure your dreams will come true in the end and you will become the family you deserve to be    

Trinajc - congratulations    excellent news, now you can relax and look forward to next year and what it may bring ............ !


----------



## crazyroychick

Trinajc, yay      , enjoy celebrating xx

Sunflower oh no   , hope you get on the way again soon xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Tranjac great news you can enjoy xmas knowing next year will be a mmillion time more exciting.  

Sunflower that sucks!  Your agency seem to be a right bunch of messers. Sending loads of hugs and hoping January's quick arriving for you x x


----------



## ariellamcbella

Hi Guys!!! Sorry for my silence! I have not given up I jhave litereally been pulling 14 hour days at work..soooooo tired! Everything is on hold for us until I settle into my new job, but have by no means given up....not in my nature!! lol

How is everything going?!?! I look forward to catching up on how far along you all are!!


----------



## DRocks

Finding out tomorrow if our panel date (next Monday) is being cancelled 
It's all down to the medical adviser seeing me as my BMI and not as a person.
I feel so guilty as it's my fault for being fat.

They are having a crisis meeting tomorrow morning and I'm bricking it as is my DP who is so incredibly supportive, she is so angry about the whole thing being left till a week before.

I wouldn't mind quite so much but we have expressed interest in a LO and this will probably rule us out.
Hopefully our Social a Worker will fight for us but I just don't have the faith that he will 

I feel so sad and scared right now.


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Oh Disney will have everything crossed for you what an awful situation.  

Bella lovely to hear from you hope the new job is going well and you are back on track very soon x c


----------



## Sun Flower

any news Disney? really hope they have contacted you with good news this afternoon? its awful that they have taken you through the whole process to then wait until one week before panel to throw this at you. Hope your SW was fighting your corner today  

well, we had an unexpected email this afternoon, telling us SW is visiting our refs next week! yay!   no contact for over 3 weeks and now things seem to be moving again (although no visit for us until the new year, its good they are doing something towards our case) I thought they had forgotten about us all together. They are visiting our parents and also DH's best friend, they have asked me for another ref (close personal childhood friend) as my refs are friends through work, but who I also see socially. Problem is, I don't have contact with childhood friends these days, so could be tricky!

hope everyone is doing well?
xx


----------



## DRocks

Sun Flower said:


> They are visiting our parents and also DH's best friend, they have asked me for another ref (close personal childhood friend) as my refs are friends through work, but who I also see socially. Problem is, I don't have contact with childhood friends these days, so could be tricky!


Isn't getting references tricky sometimes? I'm sure you will find one and good news that it's still moving forward.

Well we finally go a call just after 7pm. Good news as we are still on for panel and just pray it goes our way   
We have a couple things to do to satisfy them, but our Social Worker clearly feels strongly about us. Thanks for the support x x x


----------



## Sun Flower

Yay!!! thats great news Disney  
Good luck for panel next week   xx


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Such a relief Disney.  

I don't have any friends from childhood either. What about family friends / close friends of your  patents that watched you grow up You know the additional auntie and uncle type people x x


----------



## flickJ

Fantastic news, Disney  

Good luck for next week


----------



## Cassie78

Hiya everyone I don't know if you can help me but me and my husband are now looking into adoption after failed IVF.  My concern is that my husband takes anti depressants for anxiety.  He has a good job and is perfectly 'normal'.  No one in our family except parents know.  Would this affect our chances of adopting with him having a mental illness?  I ask this because Ive heard of stories where people have being refused due to things such as diabetes and smoking.  Please help if you can thankyou
Cassie x


----------



## crazyroychick

Welcome Cassie, there are lots of people on here with a wide range of medical conditions all approved. If it is under control I don't see why you would have any problems at all, the best thing to do is phone your local child placement team and have a wee chat with them, best of luck xx


----------



## Lizard39

Hope everyone is going ok??

I'm alittle gutted, as we were suppose to go to panel this week and have been bumped off til the new year due to the overwhelming number of MP required this week. Whilst I agree MP take priority, I'm still disappointed as we were given AP date 5 months ago and have been working towards that would have been lovely going into Christmas approved  . Instead we have another 6-7 weeks of waiting. Hubby says everything happens for a reason!


----------



## flickJ

Oh Lizard, I am so, so sorry for you      You must feel so deflated   

It is good that so many LO's are trying to be matched before xmas, and the only small positive for you is that you have done all the work and everything is finished, so you can relax knowing it is only paperwork exercise for them - a for-gone conclusion


----------



## crazyroychick

Aw Lizard so sorry, would have been gutted if that happened to us xx

Have they given you another date? X


----------



## DRocks

Sorry to hear that Lizard, I agree with your hubby 
But it's a sucker to have to wait grrrr


----------



## EverHopefulmum

Cassie007 - we were in a similar position as you, my DH has suffered with anxiety & has been on a low dose of antidepressants since his teens. With this treatment he has had no symptoms for at least 8 years (and been told to stay on anti depressants indefinitely) and has had to cope with our infertility journey....he hasn't "just coped" he is the strongest bravest person i know. He has a very successful & pressurised job & hasn't taken a day sick in 10 years. Close family and friends know, but nobody he has ever worked with would ever suspect.


We were completely open and upfront about this from our initial phone call to SS onwards.....we too were concerned it could be a barrier to adoption. Initially we were asked for an early medical, his GP had absolutely no concerns. We were told we could progress but a month into HS he was asked to have a psychiatric assessment and our process was temporarily halted. This was very hard at the time because we thought we had cleared that hurdled and it came as a bolt out of the blue. But we had no choose to go ahead with their wishes.....we know how strong dh is but SS just needed proof, so we gave it to them......Cut a long story short, we are approved and in the early stage of matching.


SS have to be diligent, they operate in a place where they would receive terrible criticism in the media if they made the wrong decision and heaven forbid something went wrong. SW also don't want to, & aren't qualified to sign off on someones mental health so need to get a professional to do so. The key is to be open & cooperative but firm in your opinion that he is strong enough. 


It is not a barrier but be prepared for it to be a major topic in HS and potentially discussed with references.


Goodluck. x


----------



## Cassie78

Everhopeful - I cant thank you enough for sharing your experience.  He is actually on three antidepressants mirtazipine, amytriptiline and propranolol.  I know that sounds quite alot.  Ill just have to hope we can show them that he is stable and would be a good parent. Like you said I think my DH copes better than me.  Much of his anxiety seems to come from work pressures and I know he will have to medicate forever.  Thankyou again xxx


----------



## DRocks

I can't sleep!!! It's panel tomorrow,well today I guess and I'm so scared we are going to be rejected. We have not had the best couple of weeks due to my bmi but they decided panel should go ahead. I'm normally very confident but this has truly knocked me for six: (


----------



## EverHopefulmum

Disneyrocks..........you won't need it, but goodluck for today. I've no doubt that you will fly through panel.....oh & not to mention make a great mum   


Everhopefulmum x


----------



## Lizard39

Good luck  disneyrocks


----------



## DRocks

Thanks x. I got four hours sleep so I that's good.
But let's just say these nerves and my IBS don't mix well lol


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Thinking of you Disney can't wait for good news. Although I totally get the nerves I felt awful so nervous when we went to AP x x x x


----------



## crazyroychick

Good luck Disney xx


----------



## Sun Flower

Good luck Disney xxx


----------



## AdoptionDreams

Hi everyone sorry I've not been around lately. Just got word today that we are going to approval panel on the 7th April. Yay I'm so delighted to have the date set. Whoop whoop xx


----------



## Sun Flower

Hi ladies

Adoption dreams, thats fab news, yay! gives you a date to focus on and work towards   

Has anyone heard from Disney?

AFU - my mum and MiL are frantically buying biscuits in anticipation for their SW visits on Thursday! So excited, as it feels like a huge step forward. They are both having a panic about what questions they will be asked, Ive explained it will be related to their written refs so nothing to worry about, no trick questions etc.. I won't admit it to them, but Im really nervous too!!  

xx


----------



## DRocks

I'm sorry I have not been back on. This has turned into a political nightmare for us.
We were deferred, they used my weight as the issue, but it now transpires from the head of adoption that it would seem homophobia has been the true issue at hand.

We had to file a complaint and now await the decision makers letter. One thing I will say is that I now understand the decision is made before the actual panel date and to hear that we had been scheduled for a yes and the medical officer lied to the other panel members has ripped out a chunk of our hearts.

I know we will get there, and know this is just a hurdle to pass but right now it feels our dream has died.

The smack in the face was being sent another profile two days ago, we didn't need that not one bit


----------



## Sun Flower

Disney, I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, the way you have been treated is truly awful   

I hope you get some answers soon, you deserve to be told the truth and your complaint should be taken very seriously indeed  

Hope you manage to 'switch off' a bit over Christmas and relax, whatever the new year brings, you will need all your strength and energy

very best wishes
Sun Flower
x


----------



## crazyroychick

Disney, big hugs am so sorry and really hope you get some answers soon xx


----------



## EverHopefulmum

Disney ....words fail me. I'm so sorry, I can't believe this has happened. I know these terrible & unjust things keep happening in planet adoption so I shouldn't  be surprised, but I'm speechless. The head of adoption actually said that? I hope they throw the book at them....and I hope you can keep positive. We are all thinking of you- big hugs x


----------



## Sun Flower

just wanted to pop on and wish you all a very merry christmas! have a lovely time ladies, we all deserve it  

I feel like a bit of a fraud on this thread now, as approval early 2014 doesn't seem likely, SW was visiting refs, my friend just called to say SW didn't turn up, when she called her to check all was OK she admitted she had forgotten about it, and was sat in her nice warm office eating christmas chocs!!!!   she said she is on holiday from now until mid Jan, so thats Jan & Feb panel out of the window!!!!! They are untouchable, we can't complain or chase things as we get told we are too keen and not patient enough!!!! This journey is seriously driving me up the wall!!!  

really sorry for the rant, I feel a bit better for it though, if Im honest.

I might start a new thread - Adoption Buddies - prep group summer 2013 & hoping for approval sometime before 2020

xx


----------



## flickJ

Sunflower - all I can say is "Hugs, hugs, hugs .............", it is just not fair the things that happen to us on this journey we have chosen.

From References not being seen to DBS being late in the post, and things being "lost" by SW's, nothing is cut and dried. I am fully expecting our panel date of February to be delayed by something  

Sometimes I don't think SW's realize the stress we go through    

I think I'll join your new thread ............  

Disney - I am so sorry, stay strong      

To All my friends, a happy Christmas and I hope the New Year is prosperous for us all!!!!!


----------



## claudia6662

Ahh Disney, lots of hugs, stay faithful and strong and that no matter what we are all here for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## crazyroychick

Sunflower lmao, it's so frustrating isn't it! Our new SW turned up 45 mins late, dressed to the nines (we were first appointment) admitted she is new to the team and knows nothing about adoption and couldn't answer any of our questions! Awesome, fills me with confidence! X

Flick really hope you get panel date soon xx

Disney, hope you are doing ok, we are all here for you    X

Well merry Xmas all you lovely ladies, here's to an exciting 2014 for all us mummy's to be xx


----------



## Sun Flower

happy new year ladies!!  

a bit of good news from me, SW contacted us on Christmas eve and booked in 2 visits for this Wed and Mon so things are moving again, at last!!!! Also visiting 2 more refs this week, so although Im too afraid to ask, I am hoping and praying we can make Feb panel  

how is everyone getting on?
xx


----------



## DRocks

That's really good sunflower x x

Well panel was three weeks ago and we gave not even had a letter from the decision maker, nor a phone call from our social worker or a response to our letter of concern. We are officially in limbo land.


----------



## Macgyver

Sorry didn't want to read and run

Disney - I am so sorry to hear what you have gone through.  I hope you hear from the decision maker soon and get the outcome you both deserve.  

Sunflower - glad to hear you have good news and you may get the February panel date.

Flickj - I know getting reference is a pain, our sw made 3 different appointments with the same person and each time didn't show up. She then failed to turn up to another once. This did put our ap date back by a month too. So I do feel for you  

I wish you all the best and hope you are all soon holding your little ones  

Ps sorry the writing is a little funny but my lo just got hold of my iPad while I was typing and have no idea what he has done xx


----------



## crazyroychick

Disney, big hugs I would call your SW tomorrow and ask to see the team leader to discuss your concerns, our letter from decision maker took almost 3 weeks and that wasn't over the holiday period so it may just be the hols holding it up.  Really praying you get some answers soon xx

Sunflower      panel soon for you   Xx

Hello to everyone else xx


----------



## weemoofrazz

Hi all

Were a bit late adding to this thread but were hoping to go to panel by end of Feb/early March and just wanted to say a big hello! 

Disney I hope you can get everything sorted out!


----------



## crazyroychick

Welcome weemoofrazz, not long til panel xx


----------



## weemoofrazz

Hi crazyroychick

Thanks for the welcome, ever the optimist I am hoping that we won't be delayed getting panel but after speaking to another couple who were on our prep course it seems likely it may end up being late March/early April! They were due this month and have been delayed for 5 weeks!


----------



## Sun Flower

Hi weemoofrazz, welcome to the thread. 

I have been delayed quite a few times, SW put us on hold while she dealt with an urgent case, so we have not had a visit for approx. 6 weeks! So our Jan panel date went out of the window! But things have started moving again now, the waiting is hideous and I often feel like I am over thinking everything  

Good luck x


----------



## weemoofrazz

Sunflower

I know what you mean when you say you sometimes feel your over thinking things, my DH say's that to me all the time! I am intent on passing the time reading as much as I can, spending time with our godchildren and getting a bit fitter before I have no time to catch my breath!


----------



## DRocks

Bit of a update.
We have a meeting on Monday with adoption manager and panel advisor to talk about the plan (whatever that is).
We will be receiving a email tomorrow from the panel chairperson to address the concerns we had.
The decision maker will not make a decision UNTIL we have had this meeting, apparently the minutes from panel were not sufficient 

This all feels like a bad dream


----------



## Lizard39

Big hugs Disney. Try to stay calm, composed & let them do all the talking to start with as will force them to come up with these specific reasons/explanation. Xxx


----------



## crazyroychick

Best of luck Disney, hope you get everything resolved soon xx

Lizard just noticed your signature massive congrats on being approved, hope you get a quick match xx


----------



## Lizard39

Thanks Crazyroychick - panel was today and seems very surreal! Our SW is hoping for a quick match too and wants to match us with as young as possible - so lots of    Do you have any links yet?


----------



## Sun Flower

Disney - sorry to hear that the wait for a decision continues   really hope you can move forward very soon

Lizard - huge congrats  

well we had SW visit last night,really positive, really shocked us, they visited another ref today and they are coming out to see us again in a few days with a panel date!   things have gone from waiting and nothing to moving fast!! Excited much!!  we might get approved before Spring at this rate  

How is everyone else doing?

xxx


----------



## flickJ

Lizard, here's to a quick match for you


----------



## DRocks

Congratulations Lizard x x x


----------



## Mummy DIY Diva

Congratulations Lizard.  

Disney I hope  you get the answers you need. Have you seen the minutes? X x


----------



## crazyroychick

Nothing for us yet Lizard, the waiting is so hard! 2 months since panel already x


----------



## Lizard39

Thanks Ladies - think the news is just beginning to sink in. We have a new SW who seems very good and proactive which is a bonus!


----------



## DRocks

I have a  
Meeting today went very well, we have a few achievable things to do and panel is being re booked for April.
It's pretty certain we will get approval and they are going to try and match us so we can do approval and matching the same day.

Thanks for the support x x x


----------



## Lizard39

Wooohooooo   that is fab news Disney. I'm so happy for you & your DW and glad there is a positive outcome on the horizon. Good luck with the matching, we have only been approved 4 days and already I'm constantly thinking our LO is out there! X


----------



## mafergal

Great news Disney, about time things went your way! I still can't believe you were treated that way... something that worried me in the beginning when DW and I started this process.
Good luck with (fingers crossed) both panels in Apr   x


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## EverHopefulmum

Disneyrocks.......so pleased that things are working out for you both,this has made my day - I have been quite distressed about the way they have treated you and i couldn't repeat what my DH said when i told him!!! So they might do matching panel at the same time...wow...are we talking about the same LO you mentioned just before panel? I know it won't make up for the pain they have put you through, but if they do match you at the same time you will be so busy over the next few months with FC/Medical advisor meetings that the time will fly by.....keep us updated x


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## flickJ

Disney, I am so glad you have got a new panel date  

As Mafergal said, I can't believe you have been treated this way   but April should bring more positive things, and it is not too far away.      

Keep positive, hun - your LO is waiting for you


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## DRocks

Thanks again for you kind messages.
No it won't be the same LO as he has a family now.
And really I depends  if a good match comes along, we are in no hurry to rush a match.
Sitting back today I can honestly say we have been treated in a utterly disgusting manner BUT we just need to put this behind us now.
I need to loose 7lbs a month until panel for us to be approved and so this has to be my main focus. I bloody hope I don't fail


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Disney glad the situation is moving forward. Good luck with the weight loss regime. Here's to great news in April x x x


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## crazyroychick

Really sorry for me post but just been linked to a 2 year old wee boy, SW coming out to see us Monday, so excited      xx


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## babas

A massive congratulations to everyone who's had good news in the last 24 hours xx


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## EverHopefulmum

crazyroychick.....Thats such Fantastic news after all the waiting & hardly hearing anything from your new social worker you must have been going mad but it sounds like things were going on in the background all along! 

Goodluck for Monday, is it your SW or the LO's SW or both that are coming out? I was terribly nervous about meeting LO SW after reading some peoples experiences on here, but she was wonderful and made us feel so at ease. She really bought LO to life in her stories.....not to mention bringing photos which will make you melt!!!


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## crazyroychick

Sorry was at work last night, 

Disney that is amazing news so pleased for you and DW      xx

Everhopeful,think it's just our SW just now until we see profile to see if we agree with link, so excited, you got a date for MP yet? Xx

Well I never slept a wink last night, can't wait to hear more about our possible wee boy     xx


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## EverHopefulmum

Crazyroychick: Yes we have panel set for 10th Jan and intros from 24th.......literally counting down the days until i meet him...it seems the hardest wait yet! 


Our new SW errs heavily on the side of caution & keeps telling us to rein it in! She has advised us not to tell anyone, including our parents until after panel & i'm finding it soo hard....you guys are the only ones who know & i want to shout it from the rooftops!


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## crazyroychick

OMG that is not long at all, you must be so excited! Xx

My work know as i got the call at work and my family and close friends know but they also know this may not be the LO for us as things can fall apart at any time just wanted people to know so we have lots of support if it doesn't work out xx


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## Lizard39

EverHopeful - OMG how are you managing not to tell your parents about your match!I think when our time comes we will only tell parents, our siblings and maybe 1-2 very close friends, as if we didn't I would explode! The vast majority of friends will be told after MP though or maybe not til after intro's - not thought about it yet! 

CRC - are you days dragging by! 

Well our SW phoned to say we are officially approved as DM ratification done! She mentioned acouple of 'little LO's' and she is currently trying to find out more info as no CRP's yet! How I'm going to get through this waiting for a match stage I have no idea!


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## DRocks

Got our new panel date today, I was almost sick when I read it 
I'm so nervous I have no idea how to get through the next eight weeks.
Had a bit of a crying meltdown the other evening whilst on the treadmill at home, I think everything finally felt impossible but woke the next day feeling a lot better.


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## Lizard39

Hello All.

All quiet on here...hope everyone is ok & working towards a panel date. 

Xx


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## Sun Flower

Hi Lizard
how are you?  

we have had panel date put back from Feb to March, only 3 weeks to go now!! we are also having matching panel in March (not the same day) a few weeks apart. So Hoping things speed up for us soon……

how is everyone else? xx


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## Lizard39

OMG Sunflower - approval & matching panel next month. You must be so excited & busy preparing for your LO(s)! Have you got bedroom(s) ready? Are you team pink or blue? We are doing OK, our SW has mentioned acouple of LO & she is working in the background on them I think! Went and looked at prams, car seats & cotbeds recently - I've been dreaming of that for years and loved the experience. We aren't going to buy anything til we have a match though!! Xx

The only other thing I will mention.....this wait is starting to kill me! It's only been a month since AP, we have a fab new SW who we have every faith in, but boy....I'm struggling to concentrate on anything else!   anyone else feeling like that?


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## flickJ

Sunflower - that is fantastic news  , you must be so, so happy     

Lizard - oh hun, I really feel for you   I hope you get to see some CPR's soon and you don't have to wait too long for a match

AFU  Yesterday, we were approved   we have yet to be ratified, but it was unaimous, so sw said there was no doubt. I was surprisingly calm yesterday and it may still take time to sink in


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## Lizard39

Woohoo - congratulations Flick  Ratification is just a formality so hope you will be celebrating!


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## Petite One

FlickJ that is great news. Well done.

We're commencing stage 2.


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## Sun Flower

congratulations flick thats fab news   hope you had a glass of champers to celebrate last night!

Lizard, I really hope your new SW works her magic and gets you a perfect match very very soon 

we are mad busy here, the nursery furniture is set up now. I keep standing in the room, just looking around. i can't believe it is actually going to happen!! We are still cautious (as we all know) on planet adoption anything can go wrong at any time!   trying to stay calm and yes, i too can think of nothing else. I don't start adoption leave for weeks yet but already Im winding down and passing things onto other people! I just haven't got the head space for work anymore


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## Petite One

Congratulations Sun Flower too. I remember reading your journey. Enjoy winding down at work.


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## Sun Flower

Thanks petite one   good luck with stage 2
how long does stage 2 take? we are on the 'old' system so I'm not familiar with the new stages?


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## crazyroychick

Flick that's amazing news, now the waiting begins  Xx

Lizard, I am with you, going insane and that's 3 months for us! Only seen one profile and was totally inappropriate as issues we said we were uncomfortable with ( only said no to 3 things from extensive list and that's what we were approached with) felt like worst person in the world saying no    

Really don't think new SW has paid any attention to our report and she didn't seem to know a thing about LO we were approached about, everything we found out was from his report! Seriously hoping things improve soon, feel as though we have a total stranger picking a child for us, oh and she is off for 3 weeks  

Sunflower wow approval/ matching all at once, what age is your LO? Xx

Hello to everyone else xx


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## Petite One

Sun Flower it supposed to take a minimum of 4 months, but reading everything on here, it'll take us longer. So many hurdles to go through and I'm not good at blowing my own trumpet. I need to get some support on the Par Form as I don't fully know what they are looking for.


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## Mummy DIY Diva

Amazing news sunflower.  Also another congratulations to my gorgeous flick x x 

Cc and Lizard waiting is the pits x x


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## Sun Flower

Thanks Diva - how are the team pink preparations going? 

did I say? we are team blue!!!  

Hi to everyone else, hope you have all had a good weekend

Ive handed my notice in for my adoption leave, so on real count down now. Not many more 'sunday nights getting ready for work monday mornings' for me!! 

should we change the title of this thread to approval / matching Spring 2014 (or is there already a thread for that) not sure where I belong now?  

x x x


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