# Calling All Single Women -Part 14



## Sharry

New thread happy chatting 

Sharry x


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## Hbkmorris

Bookmarking as I'll be starting tx in January.. I'm just hoping that 2013 is the year where dreams come true x


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## pollita

Hello again! I'm still plodding along. I started trying this month so I'm hoping for some success in 2013!


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## Amittai

bookmarked 2  

Hi Inde, from Part 13 thread.. thanks for message and yes I feel really lucky to have had a trip home, with some perfect timing. I suppose it is one big project for you and 3 LO's to fly alll the way to NZ, + its a lot lot further away than SA, but one day i hope you get there, I'm sure it will be so great for your kids to check it all out!  

hbkmorris - yay about Jan! keep us posted, least you got Christmas to keep your mind busy in the meantime!  


pollita - hi, I just had a read of your blog, its great, I like your journey so far, all the best, holding thumbs for you too, big time


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## Tommi

Thanks Sharry!

And from part 13, thank you Amittai and Inde! I'm getting very excited about trying again!

Txx


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## Minnie35

Amittai that's so exciting (I mean the scan, although going to SA is pretty bloomin amazing too I'll say!).... what an amazing year ahead for you now.  I remember that early days scan - I don't think it sank in at all at the time.  Mm is well (touch wood) now thanks and I'm better too.  


Hello Flutter6y and all newbies!    And sending lots of       and good luck wishes to you Tommi xxx


Minnie x


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## flutter6y

Hello, and thank you for the new thread Sharry

Thank you for the welcome and words of encouragement, and care - Diesy, Minnie, Fraggles, Smiling and Wishing, Amittae and hello to Tommi, Indekiwi, hbkmorris and pollita.  

Exciting stuff for a few of you cycling in January. Maybe we will be cycling together. 

Well I had my paperwork appt and I was able to feel as if I was making headway in terms of understanding and choosing where to source the donor sperm from and I gave my specification, there were only 6 questions and I only gave preference to skin complexion and height. I was told that there is a wait for the sperm although it seems this is a fairly short wait, and it is good to know that I am on the list now so that is something.  What I didn't know when I went was that saying I would like DIUI (as the doctor said they would support me with this type) meant I needed further tests as I didn't need investigations when I was straight to ICSI before.  So I was told I needed an HSG and was pleased I could be booked in for this the following week. So last Friday, CD10, off I went to the hospital, with a friend as I'd been warned of discomfort after and I thought it could be emotionally difficult if they found some problems with my tubes. So there I was all gowned up and lying on the table awaiting for the consultant to come and do the x-ray and instead he took a long look at my casenotes (I had seen a different doctor in September ) and he said he did not think I should be having the HSG, and if I *really* want to have IUI I will need keyhole surgery (presumably a hysteroscopy?) to assess my endometriosis but really he recommends IVF for me. So not sure why the nurse and other doctor said different but I think the consultant is the most expert in such things. 

I was a bit annoyed really. I feel like the other doctor made nothing of my cysts and I didn't even know I had endo. for certain as no one has ever explained this to me. I think there has been such a lack of info provided to me, I guess last year it didn't matter as it was more due to the male factor that we went for ICSI. But now its me and hopefully nice and healthy donor sperm I guess it is important to check my body out to see if there's any point in IUI. Upshot is I have an appt with the consultant this Friday to discuss further but going on what he's said so far, and more his negative manner about IUI, I am thinking IVF may be the way to go now. 

I just want to get on with it!!! (whilst also knowing I still need to stress less - but maybe if I am getting on with it that will help me!?!). In the meantime I am trying to meditate most days and am enjoying my acupuncture and socialising quite a bit, as well as sorting out various jobs and still KEEPING AWAY FROM MEN! (despite pangs of wanting to seek one out  ). I feel like I am slowly getting there. Emotionally very up and down, but maybe a few more ups than downs as time passes by... 

I'll keep you posted  

Love and best wishes to you all at your various stages. xxx


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## smilingandwishing

Hi Amittai - congratulations!

Flutter6y.  So sorry you have had a confusing experience.  It seems that once we get to a certain age many consultants want us to go straight to IVF and really do not support IUI decisions.

I had my treatment at 40 years old.  I have endo, fibriods and polycystic ovaries.  I had donor IUI and was blessed to get pregnant. I didn't havemy tubes checked first - my consultant was vety happy for me try one round of IUI without the check.  I guess my point is waht you want to do is also as important as the consultant and dcotor's opinion. Fertility just isn't black and white and whilst I absolutely respect my consultants knowledge, training, experience etc I was also very clear about what I wanted.  I hope that is of some help rather than just more confusing :-(

Smiling xx


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## flutter6y

Aw thanks Smiling.   

I have had my next appt with my consultant on Friday and he spoke of IUI practically being a waste of time for me given my age and endometriosis, so I was happy to agree to IVF. Yay, I feel like I'm making progress at last.  I was able to see the nurse straight away who said all my blood tests were clear and so she will send my Donor sperm request form to CARE and I can phone the lady there who deals with their sperm bank, on Wed to see what donor she can match me with. This might be sorted straight away of take a little time, I'm told,  but it sounded very likely that I will able to start next cycle, so that will be scan and meds beginning around Christmas day. I have my next appt with the nurse a week tomorrow to go through paperwork and pay up. Lucky I have been getting my monies sorted recently, to pay out the ex from my house, and now to pay for this.

I'm really excited to be at this stage and have been feeling loads happier and positive, and rather excited too. It has spurred me on to get lots of jobs sorted in my house this weekend, as I want to not have to worry about unneccesary things during the cycle. For example, I have to do my tax self assessment form as I do a bit of self-employed work - knowing how the meds affected me last time, I really think this a task best done before! lol.  

I also feel like I am steadily adjusting to living alone and not feeling like I need a man all the time. I don't think I would have time for one at the moment anyway. And the ttc is waaaay more important   So I am keeping up with the yoga, meditation, acupuncture and had a lovely massage and facial last week. I do feel like it all helps a bit. Thinking about reflexology too. Anyone tried this?

also have any of you read any books about Single and ttc? I saw a couple but wondered if any of you have any recommendations?

so that's me for now. Take care everyone and speak soon x


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## silverbird

Hello all sorry I've been a bit quiet latley,

hkbmorris, Pollita and Tommi: loads and loads of luck for your cycles.

Flutter6y: That's so annoying with the lack of info.  I had much the same, no-one even told me my AMH was low when I was seeing people for MF.  But sometime it can be a relife to go stright to the big guns and not worry it your wasting your time.  Loads and loads of luck and well done on taking such good care of yourself.  I need to get bakc into all that.  I've tired reflexology and might do again but wasn't too fussed.  I have single mothers by choice by Jane Mattes and choosing single motherhood by Mikki Morrissette both of which r OK but I got a lot more out of the people on this site 

AFM: I have decided to take a break from treatment as I've met a lovely man and I want to see what happens with him.  I guess donor eggs aren't getting any older anyway  I didn't know whether it was right to post but I didn't want to just stop posting when you guys have been so good to me and got me through such dark times.  Don't know what I would have done without you all


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## lulumead

oooh lovely news about the nice man on the scene.   

Keep us updated.
xxxx


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## Grace10704

Silverbird - fab news about lovely man - its about time you had some good news & maybe a bit of fun!  Do keep us posted as even if you don't end up a solo mum you will still always be in our thoughts for your bravery through everything you have had to deal with.


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## silverbird

Awwww thankyou guys


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## bingbong

Lovely news silverbird but as others said please do keep in touch and let us know how you're getting on.

Bingbong x


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## Diesy

Hi Peeps, sorry I haven't been keeping up I've been really busy with stuff. Sounds like everyone is striding into the future 
Silverbird -      As you know delighted with your news and can't wait to see you on a visit to your young man soon 

Take care everyone  xxx


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## indekiwi

Before I get bogged down in all the preparations for Christmas that I haven't yet put behind me, I'd like to wish all the singlies - those trying, those with bumps and those who are now mummies (and all the lurkers  ) a very happy Christmas this year and a wonderful New Year. For all the triers in particular (and the likes of Diesy, on a TWW over the festive period.  ) may 2013 be the year where your dreams of becoming a mummy become a reality. 

A-M, Poppet, Alvina and Minikiwi xxxx


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## Diesy

Hi Indie!  Merry Christmas to you and Poppet, Alvina and Minikiwi!  I'm sure it will be a blast at your place, wee warm glow thinking about it.  

I find Christmas really difficult but I think being on 2WW is a big help, my hormones are certainly happy wee chaps and up for a party.    Getting away last week felt pretty special too.  Looking forward to my Christmas morning country walk, my personal fav of the day...now must look out the dog's Santa hat.   

Wishing everyone all the singles this side of the board special luck for the New Year.   And all the singles with there wee one's an absolutely cracking Christmas!    

Right, off to get my knickers on and out for pineapple juice!   y'all  

Diesy xx


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## Diesy

Hi Peeps!  I'm not around much but this is where I come to say hello to everyone at whatever stage.  So Hellooooo Everyone!  I hope you are all doing okay dokey.  Sending lots of clam opps calm (clam's not good for much unless you love seafood) out to y'all especially the newbies starting out, so much info your brains might explode, eh?  But in a matter of weeks you'll all be experts, take it from me I was just the same.


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## Diesy

Hi, I wasn't really expecting to post an issue today when I came back on to see what was happening.  But I've just had a really bad experience caused by the NHS and I'm really quite upset.  

Basically a gov't body needed a statement from my doctor outlining problems since I had my myomectomy, so this goes back about 12 months.  My doctor didn't provide this, they sent an exact copy of all my medical records, going back 3 years.  It evens mentions my mc nearly 13 years ago and all my fertility investigations, my status as a single person going it alone, relationship breakdown proof I needed as part of a course, absolutely every visit to the doctor in the last three years.  

I am absolutely devastated that this material is now in the hands of the Social Work dept and another gov't body.  All they needed was a letter about my post op scar tissue.  I'm going to phone the two gov't departments tomorrow and demand they shred it immediately and I'm going to speak to the practise manager at my GP's.  Surely this is a huge breach of my privacy.  I did give consent to get in touch with my GP but they said it would be a form or a letter pertaining to my issues with post op pain.  I did not give my consent for the last 3 years of medical records to get passed about.  I just want to sit and cry.  Believe it or not it's actually a good friend's boyfriend who was one of the recipients of my complete medical records today.  I also found out from this that I did not attend a pain clinic appointment, well they never sent me an appointment and I'm not psychic.

Diesy


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## Tommi

Diesy that is hideous! I really think it would be a good idea to get some advice from PALS about your rights before you do anything. (http://www.pals.nhs.uk/). I feel mad with rage on your behalf!   But do gather info on your rights before making a complaint. I'm going to ask around...
Txx

/links


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## ♥JJ1♥

Disey I am so sorry for you how awful.  Dealing with PALS is not a formal complaint they are advocates- many people wrongly think that they ahve made a formal complaint with PALS but they haven't.  Also maybe ask Natalie FF lawyer.  x


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## Tommi

Yes, that's an important point. PALS can advise on your rights (I believe) and they will be able to tell you how to make a formal complaint. It might also be an idea to get in touch with the Care Quality Commission for their view too. I think GPs have to be, or will have to be, registered with them. They were great when I got in touch about my formal complaint.

I still can't believe the GP was that stupid! 

Txx


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## Diesy

I'm so upset that my hands are shaking. Everything is there, my sperm donor, my clinic, my last smear result, medication for a yeast infection, that my mother has high blood pressure and she's been dead nearly 9 years. Information goes back till 1997 as summary and then from 2011 in minute detail.

I've poured a big glass of wine, apparently I drink 1-2 units per day according to this report!!! Which is rubbish, I hardly drink and never really have.

One thing that really bothers me is that prejudices may crop up. For example I already saw a Catholic doctor for my myo that said I shouldn't be a single parent and he would not recommend the op for this reason. I'm now on my second glass of wine and written a few notes for tomorrow's phone calls. I will post to Natalie the FF lawyer, great idea. I will take it up with PALS and also my MP. Even the dog is upset. I've banged my yea in the cupboard and my best friend says I'm the unluckiest person he knows. :-(

Off to walk the dog and try to calm us both down. Thank you Tommi and JJ  xxx


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## Diesy

PS  Think I'm going to throw up, two glasses of wine on no dinner.  Plus my car died again today.


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## Tommi

Diesy   
There cannot be any justification for what they did. I can't help thinking you must be entitled to compensation, surely?
Txx


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## Diesy

I know Tommi!  Thanks for the support.    I will probably end up withdrawing my application over this, that small amount of cash is not worth the humiliation of lots of people seeing my full medical records.  My friend warned that some of it could become public if they award in my favour.  But I'm not worried about that, seems a bit farfetched.  But maybe it can be a warning to others, how would you like your medical records sent through the post to several people with the option of them photocopying them around and forwarding on.  

And also my car died, not the best day.  But!  You know when you have a train wreck day?  New shoes and handbags quickly follow...or is that just me?  

I'm so drunk.  Now off to do a job application...I can't think why I don't drink more.    xox


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## lulumead

diesy...what a horrible day      am outraged on your behalf. Hope you can get some compensation or sue their     


Hope the walk and wine have helped a bit xxxx


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## Diesy

Thanks Lulumead, you couldn't make it up!  My friend is going to get onto a couple of support channels for me tomorrow, meanwhile wish me luck in getting this stuff destroyed pronto.  I'm sure I'll be awake tonight despite the grapes.

Cheers m'dear, nice to know people are there for me!  xxx


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## Tommi

Diesy, I hope you got some sleep and get some answers today. Your local NHS region should have a code of conduct with regard to confidentiality and so should your GP surgery. That will give you guidance on what they say they will do to protect your privacy. This speaks volumes: http://www.bigbrotherwatch.org.uk/home/2011/10/nhs-data-protection.html Looks like that organisation may be able to offer some advice: http://www.bigbrotherwatch.org.uk/need-advice

Good luck! 

Txx

/links


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## Diesy

Hi Tommi, I got a few hours :-(  Now just feeling sick, upset tum.  I'll email that, the article was scary reading.  I'm just worried these records won't be destroyed.  I feel helpless and violated.  Thank you for your email also, it's lovely to have outraged people on my side.  xx

JJ, I posted to Natalie


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## Tommi

Write those feelings down Diesy. (You're an ace writer!) That will help you to park them temporarily while you sort it out. Then you can address them afterwards. They should offer some counselling but we shall see...!
Got to get to work now... will be thinking of you  
Txx


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## Diesy

Thanks Tommi  
Worse news this morning.  Gov't body refuses to destroy records and say they need a judge to rule on it.


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## Tommi

What a waste of public money! So, GP makes a mistake and it can't be undone unless by a judge?! Sounds like they are making it up as they go along! Any news from PALS? 

Sorry for the rush... 

Txx


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## morrigan

That's awful diesy - it's a clear breach of data protection act as that states disclosure should only be as much information as is required for the reason it's disclosed  - I would suggest contacting the cauldicott guardian of all organisations involved. Big hugs. Also the person you know who saw the information - they certainly shouldn't of read past first page if there task was just photocopying/ filing - if they reveal that information you would have a seperate case about that !


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## Diesy

Thanks Tommi and Morrigan! It is a waste of time, money and emotion. I will add that disclosure phrase to my complaint Morrigan.

 Just off the phone with the gov't body, shaking and almost crying. I have to write an email which will go in front of the judge explaining that I don't want my full records used and that I wasn't made aware that this would be the case. My letter requesting the details says, "I have been asked to get a medical report [...] To allow me to obtain medical evidence [...]" To me this does not say full medical records with summaries back till 1997. They say they asked for them for more than 18 months in advance of all this starting and that I would have know this if I'd been at the last meeting. They wouldn't let me in for the last meeting, I was in the lobby. They insist I have given my full permission for this so it's not the GP's fault after all.

I hate the way this country treats people, it's ridiculous that to withdraw my permission for something that I didn't think I'd agreed to (because they misled me) that it has to go before a judge. I've requested that my medical records aren't perused by the judge before signing.

If they don't agree I'll be forced to withdraw completely and then the records will be destroyed in 6 months. I can't describe how upset I am about this. They treat women so badly, can you image a man's medical records, manflu, manful, more manflu, stubbed toe, cut finger, toenail removal. Quite different from women.

Shattered, need a sleep despite early morning "power cuddle" with DP (dear pooch).

Diesy xx
PS What I don't understand is if I gave me permission why can't I withdraw it? Especially when I was misled.


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## Diesy

Letter sent to judge.  Essentially what's happened is someone asked me to consent to one thing and then used that to get something else.


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## indekiwi

Diesy, I've just got up to speed now.  Unbelievable in the worst way imaginable.    Sending you       and wishing I could give advice, but Tommi, JJ1 and Lulu have come up with the goodies I hope.


A-Mx


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## Rose39

Diesy - I am shocked that your personal and private information is being forwarded without your consent .... there seems to have been an assumption that you gave blanket consent for your records to be circulated, when this is absolutely not the case! Huge hugs hun, this must be so stressful.

Is there anything that the Information Commissioner's office can help with? They are an independent body looking at how information (both private and public) is used ....

I've posted a link here to what they do - I've linked you to the FAQ page where there are a number of queries where organisations have used private info without the individual's permission and explains what your rights are. Hope that it's helpful...

http://www.ico.gov.uk/Global/faqs/rights.aspx#fD78E13C2-D33E-4B3E-8577-54D4A916C0F6

Rose xx

/links


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## liswaiting

Diesy,

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.  I hope it all gets sorted out quickly with the result you want


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## greatgazza

Diesy, you poor thing    , like you needed any more  !?! 

Hope you get some answers and some apologies.  was gonna say perhaps the CAB could help but I would imagine the other organisations that have been mentioned are probably more relevant.

GGx


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## deblovescats

i'm really sorry about how you're being treated diesy! appalling! 
Don't want to put a downer on things, but PALS are a let down - at least in my neck of the woods. As they're funded by the local hospital trust, they just back up what the medical professionals say. They don't help phrasing complaints. My sister and I have got one in at the moment about the way our mother was not given an appt in a timely manner and was misdiagnosed with dry macular degeneration, when it's actually wet, which needs immediate treatment. We've finally managed to get her treated, but PALS has not responded to emails, phone calls etc and they did not intervene when we were at a meeting with the consultant involved who was plainly downright arrogant, confrontational and rude. If we weren't articulate and determined, we'd get no where.
You can get support in a complaint from ICAS - which is an independent adovacy (free) service to support you in finding out info and drafting complaint letters. PALS don't let you know about this but they should.
HOpe this helps.
I know you're going through a tough time, but you're stronger than them! we all are on here - that's why we're able to go it alone!
Deb


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## Diesy

Thank you for all the replies and suggestions, I will reply tomorrow properly.  Thing is though, I'm really upset.  It all feels like one humiliation to far and I can't stop crying and hyperventilating although it's helping to put it up here.  I'm absolutely devastated that strangers are reading my fertility tx plans and judging me on that.  I mean it's one thing your doctor knowing and a completely different story other people reading it!  There are comments in my records that I would take issue with.  There are judgemental and pejorative regarding my tx abroad as a single person.  Lets face it, how many Scottish people are on the boards, it's not that common up here.  I just feel like taking a massive advert out in the local red top paper because it doesn't feel like it would be much worse and I'd probably get a discount because my cousins work there.  I can't face these people that have been dealing with this now.  

I went through my records and found the actions from the meeting that I wasn't allowed into.  My rep agreed to medical records from Jan '11 but then handed me the paper copy and just said they are going to get medical evidence.  The form I signed releasing the evidence was worded as a medical report to support me not medical records on everything and no dates.  

I feel like I'm going mad here, it feels like I can't take much more of this.  After what I went through on the way to my operation with small minded, parochial, bigoted, religious ******** who thought it was preferable that I didn't get me some children, well not before getting shackled to some deadbeat.  Is that not bad enough?  Now that info has gone to THREE other department.  

I am going to complain about the...omg it's gone completely out my head, total 5 mile stare here.  Does anyone else get that when your so stressed you don't even feel like your in your own body.  Another sleepless night ahead...  Do I just withdraw now?  It would have been a paltry sum backdated to Spring last year but I should have got it!  If I withdraw they shelve my complete records for six months.


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## Diesy

Hi, got some dream filled sleep - serial killer and man eating tigers.  Worked my way through the links and they are all really useful!  Thanks so much for posting them, gosh, I think I'd be in a much worse state if each of you hadn't contributed.    

Rose - interesting about stopping them using the data as it's causing distress, certainly is.

Morrigan - thanks, that's really helpful because it's Social Work who have ignited this bomb.

Thanks Indie!  I need those hugs!

GG - cheers m'dear.  

Liswaiting - thank you to, lovely to hear from you!

Deblovescats - thanks for sharing your experience, what a nightmare that you and your family had to go through that.  Medical issues are so frustrating, some consultants seem to think they are god, bamboozle you with jargon and their opinion which is neither relevant or helpful.  

Tommi - bet when you said write my feelings down you didn't think I'd get FF all soggy with them      That Big Brother thing is also very good.

This has been really good to help me process this.  I think my only recourse is with the gov't agency who got me to sign a document that didn't expressly say what rights I was allowing by signing - dumbing it all down for the poor unfortunates that are a bit thick.  This country just thinks it can get away with anything these days. 

Thanks for reading and the emails and texts xxx


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## greatgazza

glad you at least got some sleep diesy.  i know it must be very stressful and this is easy to say but try not to let it take over your life.  take a couple of days to process it and then have a think about how to proceed and just do it in a very matter of fact way rather than making yourself ill with stress.    

GGx


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## Diesy

I'm just finding it incredible that this could have happened GG.  Going to take legal advice through CAB and if that isn't looking like a way forward I'll go through the various complaint body's mentioned.  Bit better tonight, not so shocked.    How are you doing?  xx


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## Tommi

Diesy I hope you got a better sleep last night   I'm really glad you're going to take some advice. Just try them all! 

Do you have any aconite? That's good for shock. Rescue Remedy is good too, especially before you make the phone calls. I don't know enough about it all but it really does sound as if you were grossly misled. Even if you signed the papers giving permission under a totally wrong impression, the GP should still have questioned why such detail was requested. They are the guardians of your records. They shouldn't view them as books in a library that anyone can take out! 

Good luck for tomorrow!   

Txx


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## greatgazza

I'm ok thanks altho shattered as had my 12 year old niece and 3 year old nephew for a sleepover and he was sick twice in the night so between waking for that and bozo i haven't had much shuteye!

it is totally incredible and i can totally understand your shock and upset and you should definitely take it much further and complain from the rooftops just try not to get ill with the stress of it with not sleeping and stuff as that would make a bad situation worse and you need to look after yourself   

GGx


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## Diesy

Hello Tommi and GG, yes a bit of a better sleep last night, no man eating tigers or mass murderers which was nice.  GG, nightmare, poor wee thing being sick too.  You must be like a half shut knife today.  Hope you got a nap today.

Yes, my medical records have become like flippin library books!  So depressing.  But yeah, not surprised if I've been stitched up and they've got every angle covered tbh.  Felt a bit like roadkill all weekend.  I want to kick ass over this but feeling worn down by it already, it's like me against everybody else.  Needabreak.co.uk 

Sweet dweams peeps xx


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## Hbkmorris

Diesy I feel for you, I read some of your posts but not all. I had problems with my old clinic and tx etc I even went to complaints meetings with clinical director who was just as crook as the clinic mananger.. Although I was a paying private patient within a NHS hospital my solicitor told me that I'd be fighting the NHS as it could cost £1000s so I just name and shame them now and warn ladies not to go there until they've read my story (more so that they could be one stop ahead of them) 

Hope I've not gone off the rails here and you catch my drift!! Good luck ladies.. I'm waiting for my AF after stopping gestone.. Any of you know how long it takes to arrive.. I wish she would ASAP xx


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## Tommi

Diesy - I hope the dreams were sweeter last night  

hbkmorris - really sorry to read your sig    Never easy facing a BFN. I'm sorry I don't know the answer to your question. With all my BFNs I started bleeding while I was still taking progesterone. I hope that AF turns up soon  

Txx


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## Hbkmorris

Thanks Tommi.. I think the dreaded is onroute as something's going on down there when I wipe!! It's the start I'm sure.. Sorry TMI!! Xx


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## Tommi

No such thing as TMI on this site!    I'm glad to hear that things are getting back to normal. Such a disappointment but at least you can start to think of the next steps. Hope you can have a nice relaxing evening with a great big treat!
Txx


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## Hbkmorris

Tommi does that include 3 glasses of vino the biggest bar of choc and I want to eat more!! I'm bleeding more now so drugs are wearing off!! Thank god. Just need to stop the steroids now then I might start to feel human rather than a tearful numpty!! X


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## indekiwi

HBKM, I'm so sorry to see your signature.     Enjoy both the wine and the chocolate, and I hope you can soon see a way forward.


A-Mx


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## Tommi

HBK - yes, wine and choc are perfect treats under the circumstances! And calorie free after a BFN. Well it's only fair!  

Diesy - how are you doing?  

Txx


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## Diesy

HBK - not sure you got my post on 2WW so sorry again about your bfn.  How are you doing?  I've been drinking nonstop since last Thursday, well almost, I don't really drink so it feels like it.    TMI, sheesh, I never thought I'd discuss the inner working of my ovaries and uterus so much!  I had to wait 3 or 4 days after stopping the progesterone for any action, gawd it was depressing and even after AF turned up I still felt like it was some kind of mistake.  What a shame you had a bad time as a paying private patient!  I think they forget or don't realise that that is actually a really big deal.  I had a terrible time with the NHS just trying to get standard surgery in '11, still in A LOT of debt from going private when I should have got NHS.  

Tommi - thanks   I'm doing a lot better.  Had another great meeting today, people love my ideas which is a boost...now, who wants to pay me for it    

Off to see a relative who is an awesome lawyer on Friday but general consensus could be that I've just been stitched up and am unfortunate in this case.  I hope I'm a warning to others.  Doesn't mean I'm not going to through The Biggest Ever Hissy Fit by Formal Complaint though.  

How's everyone else's Tuesday worked out? xox


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## Hbkmorris

Thank you Diesy, I'm ok I guess in alot of pain as AF has arrived and to top it off I've come down with a terrible cold so I'll be like a zombie at work today!! 

I'm not sure I know for sure where to go from here as I'm scared of another failure. I guess I just need to time out and see if I can get myself together.. I know to many people inner shoes and they've all turned to donor eggs though my consultant doesn't believe I've got egg quality issues (clearly I've something wrong!). 

It's grim when you've been done by, by the clinic you put all your trust in!! Good luck with that one!! 

So were wino's together!! It's amazing how that tipple can just take the edge off even if it is for only a few moments xxx


----------



## Diesy

HBK, why not chat things out on here, everyone is so supportive and understanding, I think a lot of us have a variation on the same feelings and experiences.  Sometimes it's hard to take in everyone has ideas because we are the only ones in our shoes but it's really helped me in the past.  I'm looking at your signature and I'm still getting hope there.  I can see you've been through a lot but you are only 38 and if they don't see issues with your eggs I'd be looking to a new clinic or protocol.  Have you had a hysto? Well I'm here if you ever want to chat, me being an expert an all    I can't remember if you can get away anywhere else for treatment, I really rate the non UK clinics.  Have you thought about Serum?  I'd rate that as a place to go if you've had problems.  Big   anyway and I'll meet you at the fridge for a wine later lol.  I opened the bottle on Thursday and it's still got a couple of glasses, am lightweight!  xx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Thank you Diesy and chatting you has made all the difference to me.. Just going into things a little I've just changed clinic to the one who's retested me and put me in immunes (lasted bfn) I'm very happy with them as they have been very supportive and above anything is willing me to try anything. 

I've had a hysto but I've just asked if they'd do me one before treatment in April just waiting to hear back and also something called Neupogen now I'm still trying to understand this myself but from what I understand its an injection which could aid implantation. 

I looked into serum before moving and they worked out more expensive and my new clinic have a very good success rate so I felt I wasn't really getting anything more from moving.. Obviously if I'm faced with requiring donor eggs I'd of course look at serum & IVI Madrid. 

I need to find out more about implantation failure as the assisted hatching, scratch, immunes meds, different drugs haven't made any difference therefore hoping natural FET is the one!! Xxx


----------



## greatgazza

Hi girls, Diesy you are indeed a lightweight!! hope you aren't feeling quite so distressed as you were and are getting some good advice and can find a way forward you are happy with    

HBK have you had any advice from agate on the immunes thread? she really is an incredible source of knowledge and if you tell her your history, your chicago immune results etc she can tell you whether she thinks anything else should be added in to the mix. not sure which clinic you're at but some are more conservative with the immune tx than others. i was with dr gorgy at FGA and he is all guns blazing and throws everything at it.

GGx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Thank you GG.. My clinics the same and I discussed with agate before my immunes results which all pretty normal to be fair but my clinic and I and professor Quenby (researches nk cells/miscarriage & implantation failure) and we threw everything at this last cycle.. Like yours there of the thoughts of give anything and everything a go (within reason)

So we went with pred, clexane, gestone, Intralipid, 5mg folic acid, baby asprin, endo scratch, assisted hatching, antibiotics etc etc.. It's all a mare as one thing is better than the others and Penny at Serum couldn't advise me in anything different.. Arrrrgh nightmare 

Ooooh I popped to my mom & dads on way home had a glass of wine ended up staying for dinner and now I'd like another glass!! I'm never going to lose this steroid weight if I carry in xxx


----------



## greatgazza

don't worry about the vino, have another glass!! there'll be plenty of time to abstain when you get your bfp   

was your endo scratch over here? is that the same as a hysto? i'm just wondering whether one of Peny's hysto's would be more thorough. it seems a LOT of ladies have hystos over here, sometimes even a few, and then go and have Peny's and she finds quite a bit of stuff that was missed over here and manages to remove scar/dead tissue and make implantation marks to improve blood flow etc

GGx


----------



## Diesy

Hello GG!    How are you doing?  Yup am cheapest date ever - why am I single!  I have news to report on the internet dating thread, makes a change from my usual disaster area self.

HBK - yeah if I could afford a Serum hysto I'd be on the plane next week.  Endo scratch sounds good, you have really tried a lot, I can see why you are exasperated.    I can see lots of positives there in your details sometimes it just takes a while.  Next time I'm going for a mini IVF, less drugs, 3 day transfer like you had last time.  I'm going to go on a mega protein bender and trying to cut down no my naughty habits, bit of a sugar and caffeine addict.  There is a lot there for me to work on.  I was also teaching the dog how to do deep breathing today - it really calmed her down even if it was just because she was right confused at what I was up to.  

Good news from me is I had a really good meeting yesterday about a creative service I'm working towards to launch.  Adviser was pretty excited, she said I know good business ideas and that's one.  So that was a boost.  Job interview next week here, boohiss but it would be really good to get - agghh! So slogging away on everything and even thinking about a mini IVF maybe next month...eeek, who knows!

Hello Tommi!    

 xox


----------



## Tommi

GG - my experiences were exactly like you say. I had a hysto in the UK in 2011 and another in 2012 and both times I was told that everything was normal (apart from a few polyps which were removed). I had one in Athens last month and watching the DVD afterwards even I could see what a load of old, dead tissue there was in there. And when the scissors appeared in shot to do the implantation cuts there was no bleeding. Penny said that showed that the blood flow was very poor. I had adhesions cut away and loads of other stuff that shouldn't be there. The period I've had since was very different from my usual... much longer and heavier, which I understand indicates much healthier blood flow. Fertility docs in the UK seem to think that the only variable is egg quality, especially when you're over 40. I'm sure it's very important but I also think the uterine environment must make a big difference too.

HBK - I can't remember if you've had the hidden c test or not but it might be worth doing that. So hard when things don't work! It's such a puzzle. I really hope you get a clear path ahead soon.  

Hi Diesy! 

Txx


----------



## Hbkmorris

Just a quicky as I must get ready for work. Ive had 2x hysto's both at different clinics & they say all looks perfect.. Does anyone know how much penny charges for one? (I'm skint)!! 

Had the hidden c & plasma tests done and all clear apart from plasmas and to combat it penny px me some antibiotics last June and I had them again on this cycle. 

The endo scratch was fine, I've had to uterine biopsy's and they were very painful for scratch was nothing and I'll be having that again. 

I'm going to try and increase me protein intake to.. I'm struggling with breakfast of a weekday as I start work at 7.30 so up at 6 and the thought of cooking eggs or bacon really makes me feel sick so I'm sticking with my shreddies! 

Great news Diesy.. Roll on the start for you xxx


----------



## Elpida

Another Serum Hysto story here .. A previous UK hysto showed a 'small septum'  that was apparently insignificant. A scan during tx much later at a different clinic showed and Arcuate rather than a septum that I was told was unlikely to effect things and wasn't removable anyway. The hysto at serum showed an arcuate that took up well over a third of the uterus and was successfully removed. I had treatment on the next cycle and here I am. I'm not saying the pregnancy is all down to the hysto as it was DE cycle too. I would imagine up to date costs are on the Serum threads. It's a tough one if funds are tight but her success rates and ability to deal with things missed or ignored in the UK do seem to speak for themselves (I'm biased of course). 

El x


----------



## Tommi

Hi HBK

When I saw Penny I had a consultation and a scan and that was all free. She recommended a hysto with Dr Georgiou and his fees were 1000euros and the hospital fees were 500euros. I then had another consultation with Penny afterwards and that was free too. All in all, the cost of the flights for two, accommodation for two, meals, taxis, consultant fees and hospital fees came to less than the cost of a hysto here in the UK. And given that they found a load of stuff that hadn't been dealt with here I think it was a bargain! It was really telling when I showed the DVD of the op to a doc at my clinic here. She was really surprised at how it was done. I just think they are over timid here about determining what's healthy tissue with a good blood flow and what is old and dead and should be cut away. 

All of that said, I haven't yet had a cycle of treatment to test out my lean new womb!

Txx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

I also had a hysto and septum resection in serum despite having 3 in UK mine were £2k in UK so e1500 in serum plus flights and accom prob work out similar.


----------



## Diesy

Tommi - that's interesting about the post hysto blood flow. If I could afford a hysto I'd go to Serum, your last one here defo worked some magic  so who knows what the super deluxe Serum hysto will do this time!   

Elipida - how are you doing ...I need to check out bumps! 

JJ - howz it going? Recovered fromt he move and the new job starting? You did sound terribly organised 

HBK - have you have a look at AngelBumps supplement protocol, I like it and the Q10 has a built in alarm clock.
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=226042.0
One thing I do when I want to get more protein in, before Tommi talked me into cottage cheese...and btw Baby Bell is also good for a mini protein snack. Anyhoo I make smoothies. I'll put the recipe below, for quickness I use frozen berries and it is something you could measure out before going to bed then zizz up in the morning. It makes A LOT but I like a lot and I'll sip it on the way to work. You can add or subtract what you don't like too. You can add other fruit, mango instead of banana. Just blend, chuck it in a beaker and your ready to hit the road.

3 tablespoons Low fat bio yogourt
1 tablespoon oatbran (like porridge but finer)
small banana
handful or frozen berries
small glass of orange juice (Ruby Breakfast gives it a zing)
1 scoop natural whey (unflavoured)
Optional Golden Linseeds on top (yum)

OMG my mouth is watering, need to go check the yogourt is in date. If you think you might not like it I'd put off using whey unless you can get a trial portion. I know Tommi didn't like it and for ages afterwards I could taste it but all good now 

I now have TWO job interviews next week, here and in Inverness. Both crapola money and full time so hard to work in with my fledging business plans - FINGERS CROSSED I GET SOMETHING. Cannot believe the pay cut though, same job = nearly a 1/3 pay cut. And I met with my lawyer yesterday - said complain to the GP that details prior to dates agreed were included, then say any TTC stuff is irrelevant to condition.

Hope y'all are having a nice weekend already - Diesy xx


----------



## dillydolly

Deisy,
Where do you get whey from?
Thanks


----------



## indekiwi

Diesy,  


Good luck with the job interviews - I have fingers crossed for you!


A-Mx


----------



## Diesy

Hi Dillydolly - you can get it in Holland and Barrett.  Try to get it on half price because it is quite pricey.  One scoop is 20g of protein - woohoo!  I've never tried the flavoured stuff, I prefer to add it to something were it can disappear.  You can get oatbran there too, or in Tesco.  I think it's usually near the porridge or by their own brand lentils.  I got it wrong the first time I typed it, it's oatbran not oatmeal.


----------



## Diesy

Thank you Indie    Wait and see, now that I've pretty much decided to up sticks to London I'll get one of them, probably Inverness!  lol  Anyhoo, lots going on so am a much happier bunny, think it was the shock of having my every detail of my medical records sent to civil servants what done it ;-)  xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Diesy - good luck with interviews

Peny fr serum text me and I start again on my final DE ivf cycle and she said she has a lovely donor for me! I'm now terrified again. When I went in Dec she was straight with me and said she will only let me cycle once and then if it is not successful she said I must stop ' trailing the planet looking for treatment clinics' . So here we go back on the ivf wheel again so EC and ET should be before the end of the month!!! 8 yrs since starting out on this track. My friend fr college is 20 weeks with her DE fr Eugin. 
Good luck everyone xxx


----------



## greatgazza

Diesy, glad to hear things are a bit more positive.  Good luck with the job interviews!   

JJ, that's fantastic news! If anyone can do it Peny can.  How exciting, but terrifying as well i'm sure.  All the luck in the world.     

GGx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

sending you so much luck JJ, I truly hope Penny can work her magic for you     
Suitcase
x


----------



## Diesy

Thank you JJ and GG!  Love the feeling of having possible options!

JJ - on absolute tenterhooks for you, got everything crossed!  Wow, it's come round fast!  Lucky number 10!?  Hope so  

xx


----------



## indekiwi

JJ1, I'm on tenterhooks for you.  Wishing you love, luck, hope, and dreams to come true for you.  Big hugs to your donor and his partner too - they sound like the most amazing friends to you.  Keep us posted.     


A-Mx


----------



## Diesy

Just to let all interested that my medical records are getting destroyed on the grounds that I din't know what I was signing.  Nice of them to notice and maybe the next time they will be more clear to individuals instead of just the GPs.  Personally I consider it a con and further evidence of the dumbing down of the masses so we can get walked all over in big tackety boots.

Feel cr*p, anyone else?  Everyone who was here when I started out is one the other side along with everyone that came after me.  Life sucks big time.  Off to write another flipping presentation for some low paid crappy job (2nd this week) not feeling the love. 

:-( xx

PS  Special thanks to Tommi, Fraggels and GiaToo for the nice messages on other threads, wasn't coping so sorry no proper relpy.


----------



## Diesy

PS Happy Vomitine's Day!


----------



## suitcase of dreams

diesy    
glad they saw sense and are destroying the records, only sorry they caused all the upset in the first place
hang in there hun, things can only get better   
Suitcase
x


----------



## indekiwi

Diesy, fantastic news re your records, and good on you for remaining staunch and holding the authorities to account.    Sending more      to you though - you know I'll be supporting your tx and job hunting efforts every step of the way and the applause will ring out once one and then the other are achieved - and I have confidence that both will be.  


A-Mx


----------



## silverbird

Hi Diesy just seconding all indie said.  So glad they have realsied they were wrong about your records. Good luck with the interviews and you will get there 

JJ good luck.


----------



## deblovescats

diesy your message made me laugh - it's such a horrible day for us singles -  you epitomised how i feel! 
good news on your records - not that it should have happened in the first place!
got my initial appt booked at serum for 28th feb - so all systems go, for booking treatment
Deb


----------



## Diesy

Aw, cheers Suitcase, Indie, Silverbird & Deblovescats   I'm pretty chuffed they are destroying my records.  It just felt so wrong and over exposed.  I'm fairly open about my SMC status but it's another thing having a load of officials looking at it, particularly after other bad experiences.  Anyway - yay - that'll mend 'em!  

Onwards and upwards!  I meant to say I am delighted for everyone in bumps and babies of course!!!      Just feel a bit left behind.  Woop woop Deb with Serum!  Yay!  Awesomeness personified.  I've been doing the sums boohoohoo lol.  I need to do some creative accounting asap.

So, lost of peeps ramping up for tx - JJ, Tomi and Deb!       I'm bringing up the rear hopefully.    xox


----------



## greatgazza

awww Diesy, hang in there love      it will happen for you. it's so hard when others who you 'started' with have 'moved on' as it were, i'm sure there are many on here that have been in that situation and it must be very tough. and there are those who have had many many tx's and thought it would never happen but then it did, so there is always hope.   

GGx


----------



## Amittai

Diesy, 2nds from here.. and for sure you are a fine fine example of one supurb keeping-going-keeping- trying keeping the spirit and keeping the flags (of lots of good and right things) flying, 
it means things have gotta come right for you, one way or another, in this grand mystery.
I'm not making much sense am i, its hard to write this stuff down, but hopefully you understand my ramblings, but like GG says, there are all kinds of surprises round the corner, and main thing is you're putting yourself out there so you're more likely to find them or them find you!


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Diesy I'm so pleased they've seen sense.

Had my first clexane injection tonight forgotten about the sting! Bloods were done on valentines day at the Birth Company, scan there mon- as £400 cheaper than down here!!!


----------



## greatgazza

i sure don't miss the clexane sting JJ! how come you have to start it so early, are you +ve for factor v? can't remember when i started taking it but know i  had to take it all the way thru and six weeks post as i've got factor v. well, learn to love that sting, cos i hope you'll be doing it a helluva lot more!!    

£400 cheaper who on earth is charging that much??!! even in ivf terms that's outrageous! have you had a look at agate's thread of cheap/good scanning places etc?

GGx


----------



## kizzi79

Diesy - Lots of hugz coming your way - glad to hear the authorities have sorted everything with your records. Really hoping everything else improves soon too. You are such a support here to so many - if there is any justice in the world you will be holding your baby in your arms sometime very soon.

JJ just wanted to wish you all the best - Penny is simply fab (she was so kind when i contacted her and found multiple probs that my uk clinic never even identified!!) and Im hoping she weaves some of her special magic just for you after waiting for so long.

Love and luck to all, Kizzi  xx


----------



## Tommi

Diesy - said it in an email but will say it here too... fab news about your notes! They had been far to liberal in their interpretation of the rules! Sending a big call out for the money fairy (she's called Abunda!) to pay a visit  

JJ - good luck! I'm not looking forward to clexane now.... doesn't sound like the most fun! I start my down reg injections today. My clinic is in disagreement with Penny over when I should start clexane and pred. Penny says day 1 of FET cycle and clinic says day of FET. All very tedious. Will try to reach decision tomorrow with GP. I need to sort out intralipid infusions too. All so very complicated but one step at a time. After last August I thought I wouldn't be able to do anything ever again    so I'm glad I managed to get through work and get to the point of cycling again. Feel quite emotional about it really! Thankfully I have a counselling session booked on Tuesday.

Hi to everyone else  

Txx


----------



## greatgazza

Tommi, good luck with your cycle! i'm not sure your GP will be able to help much really, a lot of them don't know a lot about ivf.  what is the reason for the clexane? have you got factor v? or is it just empirical? i'm +ve for factor v and i don't think i started it till i got my bfp but i would have to check back. don't worry it's not that bad really, i started out icing the area and stuff but once i was a dab hand it was just jab and go really. gestone's the killer if you have to have that i'm afraid  .  counselling sounds good, i'm a big advocate.

GGx


----------



## Tommi

Thanks GG. Penny thinks Clexane would be a good idea even though my blood results show normal clotting etc. She thinks that blood flow to my uterus might have been a factor in my miscarriage judging by the state I was in at the hysteroscopy! I've never been offered gestone and my clinic doesn't do any blood tests for progesterone so I don't know if I have ever needed it. I'm wondering if I should have a private blood test to make sure I'm absorbing the crinone. I was part of a little research project at the clinic over progesterone doses. I had single dose and didn't get pregnant and a double dose and did. But the conclusion of the research was that it doesn't make any difference so now all women have to have single doses. So much for evidence-based medicine!  
Counselling should be good. She's excellent. Hopefully she'll help me deal with some of the terror!  

Txx


----------



## Diesy

Good morning  day! 

Cheers m'dears, lovely to get such warm, fuzzy and upbeat replies    GG, Amittai, Tommi, JJ & Kizzi    Sorry to moan, I know you've all been here and worse during tx.    Frustrating that it's funds that is stopping tx for me.  Grrr!  I do have a plan but I'm worried I'll get derailed when it comes to seeing the figures on paper and signing up for more debt.  Although I know I will weep if I don't do it.  It's so hard to even contemplate bringing a child into a situation where you don't have an income.  ...Well, that's my day organised for me!  I'll be trying to get money making off the ground and looking for even more jobs!  

Wow! JJ & Tommi & Kizzi    
I am so hoping for completely uneventful baby begetting times ahead!

Tommi - re progesterone are you going on the double dose?  GP should be able to top you up.  I had clex from transfer (or IUI in my case) but I have clotting probs.  If you want my 10 pence worth go from transfer day...or start half way between CD 1 and transfer day   Nothing like hedging your bets.  Hey, do what you want!  Go with Penny's plan and stuff your clinic.  

Absolutly gorgeous day out there, perfect for a trip out..but the car don't run, or shopping and drinking...but no funds...it'll just have to be a Penguin biscuit in the park then    What's everyone else up to?  xox

PS  JJ, when you stab the clex does it need to go up to the hilt?  

PPS  Oh!  After my interview in Inverness I went to my fav cheap shoe shop and got a squashy handbag for travelling abroad! Lots of pockets, scrunches up small to go in the suitcase.  Then two weeks ago I got extra light deodorant.  Getting there, slowly and surely.   This is nothing compared to what I need to shell out boohoohoo.  Not sure if anyone has tried this, when I want a job interview if I buy something to wear to it a few weeks before even applying I do actually get an interview.  Years ago I bought a baby's rattle on holiday, I was pg within 6 months and I didn't even have a bf when I bought it.  (OMG I sound like a ****! ;-) )  Right!  Off to buy nappies!!!


----------



## Tommi

Diesy - based on your experiences I'm off to buy baby clothes right now! 

Just wanted to say on the whole bringing a baby into the world without money thing... probably none of us would be here if our parents and grandparents thought like that. It is a very recent thing to think you have to have everything in place before having a baby. Have a watch of Call the Midwife. Wasn't that long ago when baby came first and people worried about how to cope afterwards. I know it's a whole different issue when bills for fertility treatment have to be paid... but don't give yourself a hard time. Our grandparents didn't even consider money!  

I'm going to ask my GP for top ups of progesterone tomorrow. And I really do think that going for the middle way with the clex and pred makes sense! Thank you!

Enjoy your penguin. I'm off for a walk now after eating way, way too much at a party last night. The food was heavenly!

Txx


----------



## morrigan

Tommi I  had blood test for progesterone when cycling - 5 days after ec levels where fine then by the time I got bfp levels had dropped to point I nearly miscarried - doesn't happen to everyone but progesterone is important - gestone is expensive vial stuff.

Hope everyone else has lady luck shining down on them.


----------



## Diesy

Hiya Tommi - the good news is that my friend told me that once baby is here it need not cost that much initially - go breastfeeding    It's raising the 2.5-3k for tx that is the problem    I know that doesn't sound a lot in the scheme of things but when you can't raise it, it is.  I don't even have enough coming in to put food on the table, if I didn't have a credit card I'd have lost my house last year.  I know that is really boring but that is huge debt on massive interest rates.  On that note I'm off to keep trying to raise the cash or at least not balk at the bill I'm going to be building up.  Go me!        Have a lovely walk, feeling inspired by your activity!  Good luck with the downregging,  gosh I can hardly contain myself with excitement...could you hurry up please    xx

Morrigan thanks for the additional notes for my ringbinder


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Thanks kizzi
Gg yes she starts it on the run up to ET and aspirin - I don't have anything clotting etc I know of other than raised nk cells. 
Yes I was looking for a scan and Agora clinic down here wanted 170 for scan and 275 admin fee as I wasn't a patient  2 other private general hospitals that make you have a consultant appt and then didn't have radiographers on certain days so not quite getting the ivf scan isnt like booking in for a routine knee on any day etc  - so a day return and a £70 scan at the Birth Comp seemed best option!!


----------



## greatgazza

diesy, my sister is a big believer in the fact that 'the universe will provide' and if we put out 'there' what we want and give out positive vibrations and thoughts it will come to us  

JJ, glad you found a cheaper option, not sure if there's anywhere near you on this list, if you haven't seen it already:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=290729.msg5090171#msg5090171

GGx


----------



## greatgazza

i also got dangerously low progesterone levels following my bfp hence the introduction of gestone/agolutin. not all clinics test for it so it's worth finding out where you can get it checked

GGx


----------



## Tommi

Thanks GG and Morrigan. I can't understand why some clinics don't test progesterone levels. It makes no sense!

Diesy - I'm going as fast as I can! Actually I was all fingers and thumbs this morning. dropped the bottle of buserelin on the floor. Then the needle. Finally got it together! Now I can remember if I'm supposed to take it every day or not  

Txx


----------



## Diesy

OMG goodness Tommi, get it together!  I can only wait so long    Did you have a nice walk?  We're just back and now even have the window wide open, birds tweeting, the lot!

GG - the universe doesn't think I need much and am perfect with what I've got    I'm using Kung Foo to change it's mind ;-)

Kizzi - thank you for the lovely compliment earlier, makes me feel a lot less like a moaning mini...maybe I should change my username 

Just a note to all, things are difficult, there is no money for anything and the debts are mounting, there is no back up.  Thanks for the continued support, it really does make a difference and maybe a lot of you are thinking, jeezo, not got it sorted yet and blame me for my own mess, that I'm not looking at it the right way or I'm not trying hard enough.  I don't know what the answer is.  I don't know what else to say, I know everyone wants to and tries to help and it must be frustrating to deal with me sometimes   I hope not, sorry about that, I hope things will improve and I can post good stuff.  Ahmen  

Diesy xx


----------



## Diesy

Ah, you'll all be wanting to throttle me for bringing down the thread after so much exciting news.    Either that or you're all off   I get a job so I'll shut up.    But GG, I had to come back on to tell you something!  I was on the phone to my bestest buddy this afternoon and I was telling them all about the new job I wanted - where, what, hours etc...then just there I went on a random recruitment site...and there was the job!  Spooky because what I specified was exactly there, specifically the hours I wanted to do!  The Kung Foo is working!!!!  Please let me get this or another similar job!!!!      
Diesy xx


----------



## greatgazza

that's the sort of thing i'm talking about diesy! the job's yours, that's why you found it!    

this is one of the (many) books my sister raves about but i've not actually got round to reading and always mean to 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Ask-It-Is-Given-ebook/dp/B000SN2SIG/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1361136193&sr=8-2

GGx

/links


----------



## Tommi

OMG this is all so very exciting! I think I really need to read that book! Diesy - can't wait to hear you've got the job!
Txx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

diesy re clexane - yes it has a 'built in' air bubble that needs to stay in the preloaded syringe and the air bubble forces the drug out to the dose. so push the plunger to the hilt.
X


----------



## Tommi

Clexane doesn't need to be kept in the fridge does it? Too late for me!  
Txx


----------



## greatgazza

no tommi, it doesn't don't panic! 

GGx

(or if it did i totally messed it up!)


----------



## Diesy

Oh JJ, I meant the needle.  Close your eyes Tommi!  Does the needle need to go right in to the end?  You know fully into the skin.  That's the way they showed me at the clinic but I found it really difficult because of the bluntness of the needle.  I found it so difficult by the end of 2WW goodness knows how I'd get it to work for 9 months!

Thanks GG & Tommi, please everyone start praying now - agghhh!  Don't quite meet the role criteria but it's the direction I've been aiming for (it's a writing job).  GG I'm scared to try any more techniques but it looks like an interesting book.  I need to get something cool for this next interview   ...and maybe lose 2 stone...or 3...get my mojo back.  OMG it's a straight job, honest it's just a cool one.

xox

No fridge for clex


----------



## greatgazza

you've lost me on the 'omg it's a straight job, honest it's just  a cool one' 

don't think or worry about trying any more techniques.  if you want to, maybe just read something and 'enjoy' it. i was forever trying to 'find' something and was trying to 'work' at it, maybe it doesn't have to be like that. i love the phrase 'when the student is ready the teacher will appear' so why not apply that to 'when the applicant is ready the job will appear'. if you think the book looks interesting just read it for reading's sake. 

GGx


----------



## Diesy

I think I meant it was starting to sound a bit dodgy with me wanting to be thin to do it and also saying it wasn't normal hours.  I added the type of job bit later.  You you what, it makes no sense to me either now.    But I'm still   away to myself.  I was laughing at myself earlier on and doing a bit of   and   because really all I need is an income and I'd be sorted!  Fingers crossed for the recruiter tomorrow.  xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Yes you can push the needle in to the skin it's a sub cut so only short anyway 40 mgs of  no2 just been given by my donors partner!


----------



## Tommi

Thanks GG! I also love that phrase about the student being ready etc. I can look back and see that happening time and again in my life. (Leads to a life of "lessons" though... don't think I'll ever graduate from school!)

Re the clexane, the way I was shown the needle went almost parallel to the skin. Not at all like the other injections where the needle went in perpendicular to the skin. Does that make sense? It was kind of like sliding it in sideways so the needle always remained just below the surface of the skin. Does that sound right?  

Txx


----------



## greatgazza

i don't think it really matters too much Tommi, it's a sub-cut injection and the needle is quite short so it's going to end up in the right place whichever way you do it i think. just make sure you really pinch a bit of skin tho, that can really help it be less painful. if you really struggle with them you can get emla cream which numbs the skin and best not to use an alcohol wipe as that can harden the skin. (i think). i got so used to it i got totally blase and just whacked them out of the pack and jabbed them in, whenever and wherever i was. 

Ggx


----------



## Tommi

Thanks GG!


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Wow a whirlwind day peny emailed me to say donor is ready when in my mind & hers it was all this wkend & next wk. also she wants to use donor sperm as my donors has high dna fragmentation now! Just been to the birth company for a lining scan and on day 12 it is just over 6 mm, which is great for me.
I've spent the day on and off in tears - can I ask apart fr the girls on FFers,  when you've been on the TTC trail a long time - this is my 8th yr- do you feel that your friends and general support networks disengage and you feel just a burden and nuisance?
I really hope that if I do get pregnant that this won't be a reflection of how my baby is viewed by them.

Gd luck Tommi, diesy and kizzi and anyone else cycling ATM xxx


----------



## Elpida

JJ I'm over the moon that your donor is ready to go. I'll be keeping up with how it's going and sending you lots of love x


----------



## Diesy

JJ - brilliant news!  I'm sure I speak for most and say I'm very excited for you!  It's absolutely flippin awesome!  Gotta say my friends and family aren't supportive in the first place although I have managed to beat one of them down.  Goooood luck!!!

Thanks for the info in clex, I'm still a bit confused.  I found it hard to get the needle in and had to fire it from a distance which I found mentally hard to do.  That's how they showed me at the clinic.  Any other way and it didn't penetrate the skin.  Anyways I'm not on it yet - yay!

Tommi - I read the same as GG said and used water on cotton wool instead of alcohol swipe.

xx

PS  Job has gone already.  Spent half of today on application but it's on freeze as they think they have someone.


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Diesy are your clexane 'fat' syringes - width like a tube of sweets?- & have springs loaded internally -  as in the UK I got some of these once & my chemist said they were changing to these and couldn't source the others. I must admit I thought they were blunter than the slimmer ones - like a slim pen width- I'd had before and I've got from Greece this time. In the end  resorted to buying 1 ml syringes and sub cut needles and decanting them into the barrel as I was convinced they were harder to get through the skin, your clinic won't recommend that but I'm a nurse so decided to improvise its the same dose just different plumbing in the end!! I recall on FF there being discussions about the fat clexane syringes.

Good luck no bruises for me so far on my tummy!!!


----------



## Diesy

JJ they weren't proper clex but franzyapan or something, same thing.  Oh I am going to relocate contents the net time, I wasn't coping with the needles at all.  By the end it was taking me up to 25 minutes of encouragement to get 'em in!    Brilliant, so happy now that I don't have to go through that again.


----------



## suitcase of dreams

JJ - wonderful news, I am so pleased for you and really have everything crossed that things work out for you this time    
it was 'only' 4 years for me, but yes, I did sense that many of my family and friends had withdrawn a little from it all along the way - when I first started out they were very excited for me but this definitely waned as time went by. I think partly because they found it hard to see me so hurt and wanted me to stop putting myself through it all (although I did try to explain that not putting myself through it would be worse...I don't think they ever really understood that though)
what I can say is that this did not translate into their attitude towards the boys at all - quite the opposite   
hang in there, it's hard for those who haven't trodden this path to really empathise, here's hoping they will all be celebrating with you very soon
take care
Suitcase
x


----------



## suitcase of dreams

diesy - sorry to hear about the job hun


----------



## Diesy

Thanks Suitcase


----------



## smilingandwishing

Hi All,

JJ1, I have absolutely everything crossed for you!  You so deserve this. 

I think when people experience long journeys it can feel like the attention of family and friends is quieter. I think it's a mixture of the fact that they are just getting on with stuff, they are fearful of how much hurt they see you go through the times when you are not successful.  I don't think that bears any relation to how excited they will be when this works for you!  I am sure they will be beyond excited and absolutley thrilled, as will so many of us on here!

Sending all the good vibes I can find

Smiling xx


----------



## greatgazza

JJ, that's great news, all systems go!      as others have said i think people often don't know what to say, or do, as they can't possibly fully understand so they tend to start to avoid a bit after a while. they don't like to see us upset and distressed but don't know what they can do to help and there is nothing they can do that will actually make it any better and yes, i'm sure at times, they think we're mad for continuing to try and think we should stop, but again, that is out of concern. i would imagine WHEN you get your bfp they're going to be jumping for joy and shouting from the rooftops as we will all be.     

Diesy, sorry that the job had already gone. there is one out there with your name on it.   

GGx


----------



## Tommi

JJ - I am so excited for you! I have everything crossed for you!    

I checked the clexane I've got - short, stubby syringes. Oh well. Hopefully I'll get the hang of it!

Diesy - really sorry to hear about the job    As GG says, there will be something better out there for you  

Txx


----------



## morrigan

Jj 6mm sounds fab - got my fingers crossed.

I think when you've been in it in the long haul people just accept it as part of your life and what you actually need in way of support changes  - I found friends afterwards to be generally supportive emotionally although not so practically - although I can promise you they will not be a dry eye in the house when you achieve your dream.

I found clexane needles varied by batch !


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Thanks for the reassurance this one is certainly a tough one maybe because I know it's the end of the road as well.
X


----------



## Rose39

JJ1 - wishing you so much luck with your tx hun... you deserve all the luck in the world   . I'd agree with what GreatGazza has said about people not knowing what the right thing is to say when you've had a long tx journey (for me it was 4 years and 10 rounds) - but please don't let it get to you.... there are so many of us here who are keeping fingers and toes crossed for you       .

Diesy - so sorry about the job   

Rose xx


----------



## indekiwi

JJ1,       .  Honey, once your baby is finally on his/her way, I'm sure your support networks will kick into gear.  What do you plan to do about new donor sperm?  Yet one more challenge to overcome - let's hope it's the very last one.  And your lining - wowee that's completely brilliant!!!!!!  Thrilled for you, it gives you such a good starting place.    Thinking of you, and all the hopes and dreams that hinge on this cycle.


A-Mxx


----------



## Diesy

JJ - Even though it was my first proper cycle I didn't discuss it with anyone and it really helped me cope, it was a comforting little bubble.  Only two friends knew I was going, at the very last minute, and when I got back I told them it had been too late and nothing got done.  Then it was later I let some FF friends know and then posted.  I just found this a nice way to do 2WW, all wrapped up in cotton wool and only speaking to those who had been through it.  I couldn't take the pressure from outside too.  On-ones knows I did it, I even glared at an FFer when we met in life and she mentioned I'd done it, that is how dense my cover story was.


----------



## Hollysox

JJ sending you          by the bucket load hun !!
       
xxx


----------



## some1

I don't often read this thread so I had a lot to catch up on ...

JJ1 - Sending you so much        for this cycle.  I'm really hoping that this is the one for you, you've waited so long and given so much support to others on here, please let this be your time. 

HBK - so very sorry to read of your bfn   

Diesy - glad you managed to get your records fiasco sorted out   , sorry to hear about the job - it can't have been the right one for you      that the universe is currently matching you up with the perfect one.

Hello Hollysox - how are you and your boy?

Some1

xx


----------



## Hollysox

Hi Some 1.....we are fine thanks hun   . Hope you and your girls are too ?  Like you I dont always get the chance to post now but  I do drop in when I can....sending all those ttc lots of     . 
Love, Hollysox x


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Thanks so much girls . Flights booked! 
Hollysox- hello stranger hope all is good with you and LO
Some1-hope the girls are keeping you busy!

Tommi good luck with the needles I'm away fr home but meeting my nurse friend tomorrow so she can do clexane for me- she's been warned! She once had to give me flu jab and chased me around so she knows what's in store!!!!!


----------



## ambergem

So delighted to hear all going well so far JJ   6mm is fab!! Hope it continues to grow but even if not you still have a brilliant chance   Wishing you all the luck in the world        Have a safe journey  

Xxx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

12 eggs fr my donor today!!!!


----------



## Tommi

JJ  - Hurrah! Keep us posted!

Txx


----------



## greatgazza

That's fantastic news JJ!  What day are they planning on transfer?

GGx


----------



## bingbong

JJ that's wonderful news!!!!! And amazing about your lining too. I will be keeping everything firmly crossed and double crossed in the hope that this is the one for you                                   


bingbong x


----------



## lulumead

Great news JJ1...looking forward to hearing more.     
xx


----------



## some1

JJ1 -               and        !

Some1

xx


----------



## Rose39

Fantastic news JJ1! Delighted for you!     

Rose xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

ET  under GA on Monday! Intralipids pre ET !


----------



## Tommi

How exciting! Will that be at the Yaia? Why is it under GA?
I have everything crossed for you!
       
Txx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Hi tommi I'm not sure where it'll be I would have thought. At the clinic where the embryos are. My last ESt was under GA due to difficult access! I have a ' twisted' cervix as Penny described so it is painful and hard to access I've had problems from my first trial Eat ever when they told me to take Valium for ET's! Others have managed like Mr T manged but with difficulty.


----------



## Tommi

Ouch! Sounds like GA is definitely the way to go! I didn't know they could do GAs at the clinic. That's even better!
Good luck! I am sending you loads of these       just so you have a huge stockpile of them for Monday!
Txx


----------



## ambergem

And here's some from me JJ        So excited for you. All the very best for Monday   xx


----------



## Hollysox

JJ1 that is fantastic news hun...wooooooooooo hoooooo 12 eggs     Sending you loads of luck for et day and wishing you a safe journey.....
Can I just say, my first and only ever use of Clexane injections was the last time I had tx....didn't need it anymore cos I got my little boy   
Hx


----------



## Elpida

JJ that's wonderful news. I'll be thinking of you x x x


----------



## indekiwi

12 eggs - whoop!    I have everything crossed for you JJ1!      


A-Mx


----------



## smilingandwishing

JJ - what fantastic news. I have everything I possibly can crossed for you!  Sending hugs and love!

Smiling xx


----------



## Diesy

Brilliant JJ   
         ​


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Penny has just emailed me I have 9 embryos xxx


----------



## Sima

Excellent news on the embryos.  That is a good number.  Now you just need to decide how many you want to put back    .  Good luck for Monday.  You will be in good hands.


----------



## Diesy

Stuff one last go, you got yourself THREE there JJ!


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Peny said she wanted to put 3 back before so I guess I'll leave it up to her expertise, my problem is with my dodgy lining and ashermans syndrome if I have a multiple pregnancy then I'm more susceptible to miscarry!! But I guess I'll cross that bridge later (hopefully) xxx


----------



## indekiwi

The news is just getting better JJ1!  Do you have another lining scan before ET or is that it now?  


A-Mx


----------



## Diesy

So excited for you JJ - on tenterhooks but really looking forward to Monday


----------



## Hollysox

Great news on the 9 embies JJ !!! 3 sounds a good number to me          I have EVERYTHING crossed for you hun x


----------



## lulumead

Everything crossed here too JJ          
xxxx


----------



## greatgazza

great news JJ!  I guess as Peny knows your history/issues and knows her stuff she wouldn't suggest 3 if she thought it was risky    

GGx


----------



## Tommi

JJ - I am so excited for you!         
Txx


----------



## kizzi79

Wishing you the very best of Penny's special magic JJ - you so deserve for this to be the one so you can go be the fab mum you are so clearly going to be <hugz>
Kizzi x


----------



## Diesy

How are you doing JJ?  Do you fly today?  No pressure, just thinking of you for tomorrow.  xxx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Hi girls we've just arrived in Athens xxx et tomorrow 11


----------



## wizard

JJ I'm wishing you all the luck in the world for transfer tomorrow, the 2ww and beyond. I have got EVERYTHING crossed for you  


   


Wizard xx


----------



## Tommi

Loads of luck JJ! I'll be thinking of you!    
Txx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

good luck for tomorrow JJ, thinking of you     
Suitcase
x


----------



## indekiwi

OMG!!!!!  Wizard!!!!!!!!  Too thrilled for words.  Dancing with my laptop in happiness.    


JJ1, fingers, toes, everything crossed for you!


A-Mx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

in my haste to wish JJ luck, completely missed that Wizard! huge congratulations   
Suitcase
x


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Omg wizard huge congratulations on your BFP xxx
Thanks for the good wishes folks xx


----------



## smilingandwishing

Wizard,

Congratulations!!! wonderful, wonderful news!!

Smiling xx


----------



## Diesy

Congratulations Wizard - lovely news


----------



## bingbong

Jj I will be thinking of you today and really hope that at least one of those embies is a really sticky one     


Wizard congratulations!!


Bingbong x


----------



## greatgazza

JJ, thinking of you, all the very best    

Wizard, congratulations! 

GGx


----------



## Elpida

JJ, M & A are sending special Serum vibes to you today and I'm sending lots of love too x x x


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Elpida- thanks hope they're doing well and getting stronger each day- we're in the airport waiting to fly home! 
X


----------



## caramac

JJ - fab news and will have everything crossed for you 

Wizard - I just spotted your ticker on another thread - wonderful news!


----------



## morrigan

Good luck jj

Congratulations wizard


----------



## wizard

JJ great news on the transfer. Hope the 2ww flies by      


Thank you all for your good wishes. Much appreciated   


Wizard x


----------



## lulumead

Wizard               lovely news to see that ticker.


JJ1 posted on the 2WW but am wishing you loads of positive vibes,xxx


----------



## Diesy

Girls I think I am going to have to give this all up because I can't get a job.  That's another rejection today for a job I would be taking a massive pay cut to get.  I am thinking of applying for my next job under the name of Brian and going to the interview "in drag" which I think may up my chances.  Whatd'yathink? :-(


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Ahh Diesy it must be so hard for you- what 'field' or type of jobs are you looking for?  have you had career advice and transferable skills- there are some HR people on the thread that maybe you could PM and offer some advice, but times are tough out there.

L x


----------



## Diesy

Cheers JJ    I have recently had some careers advice and have a shiny new CV.  I also had business advice and been to some networking events, just redoing my website.  I'm in creative industries or education sectors but I really feel like my age, experience and my not being a bloke are really letting me down.  I should be walking into these jobs, I'm actually more suited to the jobs further up the ladder.  I just feel really down about it tonight.  I'm going to be 43 this year and my eggies will be done in.  

I hope you are enjoying your first 2WW for a while.  Are you feeling better after duvet day?  How's your new job?  xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

I can't help on the job front as I'm  in the health/ NHS sector but we have cut back ++ on all external contractors for education provision etc. in the NHS the applications are anonymous so they shouldn't see the name when shortlisting.


----------



## Diesy

Thanks, I just feel so hopeless when I can't get sorted, I mean you should see my CV, it's great.  I've got some other ideas in the pipeline and the jobs I interviewed for weren't ideal but would have got me out of a hole.  It's been a rough week with family stuff too.  Going to bed, tomorrows another day.


----------



## indekiwi

Diesy,       Sleep well hun, tomorrow is another - and hopefully better - day.  And Brian just doesn't suit you...


A-Mx


----------



## greatgazza

oh diesy     it's so tough, i really hope things might seem a bit brighter tomorrow. i think sometimes when everything seems so bleak and we can't see which way to go, there's suddenly a ***** of light and it really can change everything. 

GGx


----------



## Tommi

Diesy -       

JJ -        

Wizard - congratulations!

Txx


----------



## Diesy

Thanks girls    Trying to view it as a blessing in disguise but I need cash coming in!  Lots to do, off to do my website now. xx


----------



## caramac

Diesy sorry to hear about the rubbish results of job hunting. Didn't you once used to do the job I do now? Is there any way you might consider getting back into it even if for the short haul. Not pulling any punches it's an over-flooded industry to be in right now, but it does have many benefits - being your own boss, working from home, can take as much time off for treatment, no need for childcare for the majority of the week....if you fancy chatting about it PM me.


----------



## Diesy

Hi Caramac, yeah that's right.  A chat would be very nice thank you!    I will PM, very kind of you to offer


----------



## Diesy

Right!    Please everyone who reads this can you   for me on Thursday because I have another job interview.  Already feeling so stressed that I have snowballs hope in hell while I desperately try to learn two programs and fake knowledge of two programming languages I've never used.  Oh and write a presentation.  I can't go ahead with tx without funds and I can't raise funds without an income.  Desperate times for some of us.  

Thanks,
Diesy


----------



## Diesy

Maybe I shouldn't bother going, I'm not even meeting the essencial criteria but sometimes these places just ASK FOR TOO MUCH.  I'm not flippin Wonder Woman.  More and more I see companies with unrealistic wish lists for requirements - in their dreams    Not funny, stressful        I said the last time if I ever got another job interview I would go a Brian the Trannie.   Discuss.

Diesy (not feeling the love, feeling the stress   )


----------



## suitcase of dreams

sending    diesy
really feel for you, awful to keep going to interviews and feeling like you aren't getting anywhere, big   
thinking of you
Suitcase
x


----------



## indekiwi

Sending the love Diesy, thinking of you,    for you (haven't been struck down yet - that must be a good sign right?  ) and out right demanding that the universe both helps you in your preparation and makes you look the complete goddess that you are at this interview on Thursday - whether or not that is required in the spec.  


A-Mx


----------



## Diesy

Cheers m'dears, I'm off to the library to get books out on the relevant gaps.  It's so frustrating because if you don't meet the criteria it's like the don't think you can make the leap to doing the do despite having performed the same and more elsewhere.  So shortsighted that you don't learn and adapt in a role and that's what they should want as opposed to someone who knows it and can't improvise.  Grrr...rant over.

So stressed I could just go stick pencils in my eyes...calm, deep cleansing breath.  

Lots of love,
Brian xx


----------



## Tommi

Good luck Diesy! This absolutely has to be a lucky week! 
Lots of love, calming thoughts and positive vibes coming your way!
Txx


----------



## greatgazza

Good luck Diesy!        

Sometimes, if you think it's not gonna happen you actually relax a bit more and do really well in the interview if you think you've got nothing to lose. 

Go get 'em girl!

GGx


----------



## Diesy

Thanks Tommi, hoping the gods are smiling on us this week  

GG, yes, just going to go in there and kick ass!  They can stuff their job!

Diesy xx

PS  If anyone needs to do a presentation I'm finding Google Chrome Presentation a good time


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

DIESY - Best of luck I am no help as I thought you were talking another language !! xx


----------



## Diesy

Thanks JJ!  

Jeeze, off to face the music soon.  Why is it like going to the guillotine?    xx


----------



## bingbong

good luck!!

bingbong x


----------



## Tommi

Thinking of you Diesy!  
Txx


----------



## TippyToes

Good luck deisy xxxx


----------



## Diesy

Hey with all this good luck who can fail?!  Although I did get my times wrong and was three hours out!  At least in the right direction    So thanks for all the good wishes  

Hey I tried out a diy "illuminator" facial - amazing results!  OMG made me all peaches and cream and at least nine years younger, maybe ten...  I must get some of that coconut oil Tommi, for me and DP (dear pooch).

Happy Gooooood Friday xx


----------



## Diesy

Oh and they asked me why I wanted the job, that really threw me because my answer was I wanted to pay for IVF pronto   before I had no eggs left   lost the will to live, shop  eat choc  

Diesy xx


----------



## TippyToes

Morning all  
That made me laugh deisy    How do you think you did?? xx


----------



## Diesy

Eeek, I have no idea Tippy.  I wouldn't be surprised not to get it, or if I did get it.  I think I was the last one in so they would have had interview fatigue and I missed a couple of good questions.
How are you doing?  I hope you are feeling okay and getting some nice chill time over Easter.  

Diesy xx


----------



## TippyToes

aww i hope you get it, something to focus on. Im not feeling so down today, though i wish this wretched cold would go    I will die if i chill out anymore though! My brother coming over today and staying which will be nice. What are you doing this weekend? xx


----------



## Diesy

Oh that's good, I hope you are feeling good today also.  It just takes some time.  Hope your cold gets better soon too.  Just like the thing to get ill at this time.  I've got another cold too, straight on the back of the other one!  No idea about the job, missed a couple of good questions.  Was so stressed out about the essencial criteria I didn't meet, that'll teach me    I've got a friend staying for Easter    Have a good time with your brother, hope he brought choc    xx


----------



## TippyToes

Hi deisy. How's your cold now? Mine not getting any better and now my whole bottom lip is covered in cold sores... Was nice to have brother over but he left early this morning, so on me tod again now. Im over parents for lunch tomorrow. So will be another day i will have a reason to get dressed. Been in pjs. All day today. You having few vinos with your friend tonight? Xxx


----------



## Tommi

Tippytoes, I'm a PJ Queen today too! Think I'll get dressed tomorrow though  
Hope you feel better soon. Enjoy lunch tomorrow!
Txx


----------



## Diesy

Lounging in pj's is the new getting dressed!  My cold isn't so bad, think it's just a mini relapse.  Tippy you need another few days of pj-ing by the sounds of it. Tommi I got dressed today but did have a nice nap on the sofa also    xx


----------



## TippyToes

Morning and HAPPY EASTER LADIES!  
Still feeling rough and my bottom lip looks like i have been punched  
My ex texted me this morning asking if he can drop of a cd i left in his car. Said he will post it through letterbox. Im bit worried incase he rings bell. Think I might give him a fat lip if i see him. ....
He said he will drop it in tonight, when i will be back from my parents. I know i shouldnt have answered text. I did delete his number. If he saw me now he would see how bad i was, but i dont know what to do. I guess he will bring the dog and i miss her so much and would love to see her.... But not him. 
What should i do?


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Tell him to send it in the post or drop it round when you are going to be out to avoid him- have you joined the relationship thread there are several ladies whose DP/DH left them during treatment?


----------



## TippyToes

no, i didnt see that. Will have a look to see if i can find it. Thanks xx


----------



## Diesy

Happy Easter Tippy!  Yes I agree with JJ, I'd get him to Royal Mail it.  Seeing him would be upsetting and it might even through you off course knowing he's been to your place.  Have a good lunch with the family.  xx


----------



## TippyToes

Thanks deisy. I will go to parents and think about this. Have a good day too xx
JJ Thanks, I have found thread and posted on there too xx


----------



## Diesy

Tippy, you've gotta look after number one.  I can't help feeling this CD is an excuse to see you, test the water for whatever is going on in his head.  However you have time for you, none of this is going to change instantly, I mean his motivations.  Look out for you, take some time to make sure you are okay and I'd keep out of his way for a while.  Can't really trust him from what you've said.  Take care xx


----------



## greatgazza

Tippy, i totally agree with all the others, definitely don't see him. what's the point? it will only upset you and could really set you back. remind yourself of how appallingly he has treated you. you really don't want any chance of being sucked in again. the cd is definitely an excuse, he could just have put it in the post without texting you. he never even texted to see how you were since he abandoned you. Please *steer clear* for your own mental health and wellbeing. i really can't see any benefit to it, only more heartache and you are doing so well.

GGx


----------



## TippyToes

Thanks. I guess i know you are right. I know that it is an excuse for him to see me, but why now? I will never understand men. Said to mum Im going to get fit again, get my hair done, new outfit, then go out and find myself a nice woman. Both me and mum laughed. Infact  its the first time i have laughed in a longtime! I won't answer door if he rings. Thank you so much. I needed telling. I don't know how i would cope without the support on ff xxx


----------



## TippyToes

Been no sign of him, so off to bed. Nite nite ladies xxx


----------



## greatgazza

night, night tippy, hope you sleep well. please don't let him mess with your head. even giving you back a cd he's messing you around and being unreliable to stir things up again. ask him to put it in the post, end of.

you're doing so, so well and you really don't need him dragging you down or sucking you back in again, you really don't.    

GGx


----------



## Diesy

Tippy - Did you have a nice lunch?  I'm not sure there's any point trying to work out what goes no in men's heads, drive you mad.  Liking the idea of a new outfit, shopping is a cure all for me, shame I can't right now.  Hey, buy a new CD while you're at it    

Well back to the drawing board this week.  Finally put my finger on the issue with the interview, it felt like a mock, as if they already had their choice and I was a filler.  Waste of time, groan.

But Happy Easter anyways.

Diesy   xx


----------



## TippyToes

Hi deisy. No way am i up to shopping yet, but just my idea for later down the line. I have already lost half a stone from not eating properly. I have started to eat bit better now, but i used to pick alot in the evenings. I dont do that anymore, so must be a good thing. 
Paul didnt come over and drop cd off in the end. I did however have a better nights sleep, thank god. 
I text him this morning , though didnt want to, asking him to drop over to my parents house. That way i dont have the worry of seeing him. He did text back straight away and said ok and asking me again how i was. I didnt and wont text back again. Cheek of it eh!
Don't lose hope on job. You don't know for sure you haven't got it. You could do with some good luck too, so wait and see. Cross that road IF and when you come to it xxx 
Oh, I did have nice roast beef lunch at parents. Most i have eaten in weeks!
What are you doing today? 
Morning everyone else xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Tippy- if you don't feel like shopping there is online - most shops have online .com's now- then you can try on stuff at home, get your mum or friends opinion and then send back what you don't want. Show of your new figure.  Be strong xx


----------



## Diesy

Update, filling out the medical form for Serum while looking for a pot at the end of .

How's everyone else?  Diesy xx


----------



## TippyToes

Been very quiet on here last 2 days
I actually managed to get dressed and go out with a friend today! 
Went to Bath cats and dogs home for a mooch about. All thoses poor little animals wanting homes  
I may think of getting a dog/puppy. Not sure yet. I do miss Pauls dog and i think chunky monkey does too 
( my cat!   )
Next best thing to a baby, I guess. Need lots of love and attention and cuddles! 
Just a thought at this time. ......
They love you unconditionally, never let you down and never hurt you!


----------



## Amittai

Hiya Tippytoes, 
I havent been on this thread for a while but was just reading your signature and had to quickly pop by. I am so sorry for what you have been through, that is pretty major stuff.  
I think you are doing amazingly from what I am reading, especially the way you seem to so naturally channel your energy into such compasionate and carying little worlds, like of lil animals. I'm glad you have Chunky Monkey!
good on your for getting out and doing friend stuff, I hope its lifted your spirits and given you a little soul food. and don't you be not eating your chicken broth now!  

hang in there Tippy.. it'll  soon be time for nice good stuff, just around the corner..


----------



## Diesy

Hello Amittai - nice to see you    

Hi Tippy - how's it going?  Did you sort anything more out about work?  I got my dog when my heart got broken, it's a life changer.  I've got a massive dog phobia too but desperate times call for desperate measures.  And getting out and walking is lovely.  Espec when you miss you're ex's dog.  Keep us posted  

GG - what have you been up to?

I'm in conflict, help!  I didn't get that job last week, no surprise, and than I had a terrible day with bureaucracy which is just never ending and unsatisfactory.  Apparently I'm the only person in living memory that was ****** off about having their full medical records passed about all in sundry.  But aside from that I'd ramped up to go get a hysto in Athens next week, nothing final, but I'm head wrecked about it.  It's the mounting debts and no way out that is the problem.  I'm lost, there seems like no way out now.  If I get the hysto I need to go for IVF fairly quick.  I could really have done without that nonsense today.  You know some of the legal records they sent are illegible, however I'm supposed to accept that, this world has gone mad.  Anyways...

Diesy xx


----------



## TippyToes

Hi Amittai- thank you for nice post. Good luck with your ickle buba!  xx
Hi Deisy- I'm going back to work for few hours next thursday, just for the morning with another carer, just incase I get upset if awkward questions are asked about my mc (i told a few clients that I was pregnant) 
Strange but lovely things happened when I was out yesterday. I fell in love with a ginger cat, with the longest whiskas, really friendly and cute. When I looked at side of enclosure to read about the cat, his name was George!
Then on way back, took wrong turning and we were going to stop for something to eat, so I pulled up outside a tesco metro. When we got our sandwich and started eating them in the car, I looked up at wall and the name of the road we were on was called 'Georges place' ! OMG
Makes me think that on my first trip out, George was giving me signs that he was with me and always will be. My friend thought it was really uncanny and I thought it was very comforting.
So sorry you didn't get job. Must be awful them scrutinising your medical history  
Good luck with hysto next week. Its all going on eh? Your head must be really fuzzed up at the moment   what job do you normal do? 
Still not sure about getting a dog/puppy. Will wait bit further down the line I think. 
Speak soon
Lisa xx


----------



## notamuggle

That Ginger kitty sounds gorgeous and I love the name Chunky Monkey! I hope he gives you lots of cuddles   

I'm going for my first lot of blood tests and baseline scan this morning. Excited and scared, and hoping for good results! I've been monitoring my cycle for the last couple of months and worried as I might have a short luteal phase of 7-9 days! But all the information online seems very contradictory. Hopefully I can get more info from the consultant when I go in to discuss my results soon.

 to everyone x


----------



## TippyToes

Hi and welcome natasza! Good luck for this morning. Don't be scared, you will get ! Xxx. alot of support on here


----------



## notamuggle

Thanks Tippytoes

I had my tests this morning, wasn't expecting the scan to be vaginal so that was a bit of a surprise!!! Although the lady who did it was very good, it was uncomfortable but not as bad as my previous smears (tmi!) and she kept me distracted throughout. She said I had 6 follicles on each ovary, anyone know if ths is better or worse than average?  I won't get my blood results till my consultation on 9th May as thats the next appt I could make without taking time off work but I don't want to wait that looooooong! 

Hugs to all x


----------



## TippyToes

Hi Natasza  
There is no amount of follicles to compare, as each woman is different. Its about the number of eggs they do, on retrieval. So DONT panic! If you have follicles, you have eggs, so don't worry! 
6 on each ovary is great though! I know its a nightmare, the waiting.... but keep looking forward hun  xx


----------



## notamuggle

Thank you   I can feel the support already  

I'm learning all sorts of things about my body I never realised! 

Guess I'll just keep myself busy till my appt so I don't go too crazy thinking about the results!

Xxx


----------



## TippyToes

Same as sweetheart! I have learnt alot about my body since 1st IVF. In this journey, ther will be alot of WAITING about. We are all here for you Nat ok xxx


----------



## Diesy

Hi *Tippy*, how funny about the name George coming up, defo a little sign from somewhere  I'm trying rally, not doing that well, miserable 

Sounds good *Natasza*, 6 folies each side is a good sign. Very promising I'd say. And your age is the real good news 

Hope you're both having a nice weekend - Diesy  xx


----------



## TippyToes

Hi deisy . Sorry you not doing too good today. Have you any plans for today ? Xxx


----------



## TippyToes

Think i read that wrong. Rally? ! Im at my parents for lunch, so on my phone. No a very big screen . Its hard read nevermind type! Xx


----------



## Diesy

Tippy, no it's me, I have have an interesting use of vocabulary, meaning I was trying to get myself together.  

That's good about going back to work.  It will seem daunting but you'll get there and starting back on reduced hours is much better than going back full time.

Meanwhile I've lost the will to battle, absolutely fed up researching and writing presentations for jobs that are earmarked for someone else before I get there.  Annoyed me big time.  

xx


----------



## TippyToes

Hi Deisy- Each day is different. I haven't had such a good one today. I was ok til I got home, then on a major downer. Try and be strong. Think it was IVFmama, on a different thread who has written in her signature, 'you dont know how strong you are, until strong is all you have' 
I really believe in that. 
I hope tomorrow is better for you and im sure something will turn up soon   xx


----------



## notamuggle

Thanks for the replies girls and sorry things are hard for you at the moment, some wise words from Tippytoes there, hope things get easier soon xxx


----------



## Diesy

Hello girls, how are we doing?  I'm still in a flunk, it's taking over, there is now more flunk than me which is highly unusual!  Thanks Tippy, I've been through strong and I'm like a garden weed - super resilient, imaginative and colourful...I can also fly.  Just fed up with it now, how much more.  I've worked out that I'm taking on too much but I have a lot of headway to make and there is no-one helping me.  Thank goodness my FF friends are so wonderful!  

When's your appointment Natasza?  Are you back at work now Tippy?   xx


----------



## natclare

Hey everyone!

I just posted on the cycle thread but I also thought I'd post here as well to say hello. I am on my 3rd cycle now but finally moving to freezing embryos from freezing eggs last year. I am unfortunately not ready to go the whole hog right now but I know that my egg quality is going to drop of a cliff shortly and I am the sort of person who likes to have plans in place... so here I am. It is a bit strange thinking that my eggs are going to be mixed with a stranger's genetic material to be honest but I picked a great donor from Xytec so trying not to dwell on that too much. I know it will be entirely different if I am lucky enough to get pregnant in the future and actually have a child from this but even now it's all a bit strange.

Apart from that for those that don't know me from the ** group I too have a kitten - he is D'Artie and six months old. Just beautiful and is there for me through everything!


----------



## notamuggle

Hey guys

Just on my lunch break at work.

Deisy:  My appt isn't till the 9th May as that's the next appointment they could offer me that was late enough in the afternoon that meant I didn't need to take time off work to attend.

Bit annoying having to wait but as it'll take another 3 months for me to have finished saving I'm not in a rush (just impatient  )

I'm starting to look at how I can use the next 3 months to get myself as reasynasmpossible. Looking at what vitamins and foods I should be eating and trying to be healthier.

Also should have saved enough to pick my donor in June so I'm looking forward to that. All my friends are so supportive it's lovely  just got to try Ann's not think about things too much or god knows what I'll be like when I'm actually going though treatment!!!

Hopemthingsget better with you soon

Nat your kitten sounds gorgeous, I have too very loving cats  who love giving cuddles, very therapeutic 

Hugs to All 

Tash x


----------



## Diesy

Gosh, I seem to have missed the latest, how's everyone doing?  

Tash have you had a look at the holistic thread?  It's very good!  I take Pregnacare, although I did have a look at Zita West stuff on her website.  Actually I usually take a lot more than that!  I think you are in better shape than me, cause I'm a couple of years older    I've just given up caffeine - it's hell, I feel like I've lost a hobby!  I've moved over to full fat yogurt, I don't like milk.  I do a good run on smoothies, I might post it again in recipes just in case it's useful, it's further back in this thread.  Your appointment will come around in no time...jeezo, it's nearly here already!  I booked a doctors appointment for the 3rd today, the first one I could get - oh joy, eh  

Not much has changed here, ie doing lots of stuff, not making progress and then getting in a flunk.  I've got antibiotics from the dentist, they are making me feel yuck!  It must be my new "my body is a temple" approach  

Well it's Friday.  I went to see Oz this week - it's good, I thought.  Sun's out and it's not blowing a gale.  If I can shift this headache I might consider doing something exciting...ah, maybe not    What's everyone else up to?  

Diesy xx


----------



## Diesy

Just really for all the new people who are joining - this thread is for general chit chat or sometimes if you don't want to start a thread for a small thing then you can stick it in here.  It's nice to have somewhere to post that maybe isn't as out there as a fresh thread, or maybe you are half way between things, IUI or IVF and just muddling along.  

Diesy


----------



## Rosie Ribbons

Hyia 

Diesy so glad u have posted this thread this morning,never know where to post,im just about to embark on my 4th eggshare 1st resulting in my beautiful boy,but have been trying for a sibling.
Ive never had my AMH done until just lately and its come back at 8.75 im only 27.Lister have said that its still within normal limits,do hospital have different limits?They are still letting me egg/share I seem to have a good fsh at 4, im a bit puzzled 

Katie xx


----------



## notamuggle

Hey guys,

I seem to have missed your reply Deisy even though I check the forum every day! Doh

I've also just seen all the typos in my last message!!!!! I hate typing on my iphone 

I haven't checked the holistic thread but I will do thanks. I've also started to take pregnacare and I've taken up running which is a big deal for me, I couldn't run for more than a minute before even though I could walk for hours 

I'm doing the Couch to 5km programme which slowly builds up your walking to running over 8 weeks. I'm on week 3 currently and running for 3 minute intervals, walking for 3, it goes up to 5-7 mins next week then so on.

I feel so good for it too and it helps I have 2 goals, 1. I've signed up to run the Race for Life and 2. Getting match fit for treatment  

Good luck Juicy, I have no idea about FSH and AMH Levels but I should find out mine today. 

My Apppointment to review my tests is at 4:20 today eeeeeek 

Saw Iron Man 3 Tuesday, there was only one other person in the cinema! It was really good fun, ridiculous storyline but lots of action and funny bits

I'll check in later with my results, fingers crossed X


----------



## Rosie Ribbons

Natazas79

Goodluck my lovely on your app and results  all goes well

K xx


----------



## Diesy

Hi Katie,

I know!  I always come out in a bit of a rash when I think about starting a thread.  Some people just like to be more low key but it would be good if people could congregate here I think.  A bit like a clubhouse where we can chat about a crapola day which isn't directly to do with tx but sort of affects it. There is such a lot of pressure around SMC that it affects other areas of your life in ways that you or your family and friends can't imagine.  

Mmm, it's such a trade off between AMH and age I think.  At 40, not had it checked since, I had a really high AMH but that no longer means I will get anywhere with my own eggs at my age.  I think go with what the clinic says.  If they are happy for you to egg share then that's okay.  I know there are different measurements for AMH so it's maybe worthwhile asking what there scale is in black and white.  I think anything from 5-15 is satisfactory.  Did your other egg sharers get pg?

How's your little monkey today?

Diesy xx


----------



## Diesy

Hi Natasza,

Sounds like it's all go with you!  I took up running, long time ago now, but it gets easier the more often you do it, like every other day is good.  I couldn't run for 2 minutes when I started but I built it up.  Whenever I went back to it I could always run longer than I had inicially - muscle memory or something.  But yeah, felt a right idiot when I started out.  I was ogling a cross trainer hire or treadmill last night.  I've given up sugary drinks, used have them a lot and nt even lost a pound!

Oh, good luck with your appointment today!  That's come round fast!

Oh, I've come over all Robert Downey Jr!  Is it hot in here or is it just me?  I have a DATE tonight, guarantee that will bring my temp down  

Diesy xx


----------



## notamuggle

Hey guys, 

My appointment went really well and everything seems fine. My FDH was 4.6, she said my AMH result was a bit low but she said all her results were coming back low so she was disregarding them and going to a new lab from now on. She didn't seem worried though and said as my scan was all ok there shouldn't be any problems.

She's advised IUI with a trigger shot as soon as I'm ready  

Just need a 3 months more to save up then i can start the net bit of the process

Hope lithe date went well Diesy x


----------



## Diesy

Natasaza, I must have dreamt my reply to this   I hope senility isn't setting in.  Yay, my favorite, IUI with a trigger!   

I bought a cross trainer this weekend!  Just waiting on my friend to go help me pick it up.  Went on it for under 2 mins and yesterday my stomach muscles were complaining.  I have no stomach muscles after surgery and nerve damage.  So looking forward to getting it.

Date was okay but now, after telling me he really liked me, he's decided probably best to play it kool - woop woop, I love inconstancy in my life!  As if things aren't bad enough already.  It just makes me turn the dating switch off again.  

Happy Monday everyone!  xx


----------



## Tommi

IUI with a trigger sounds great Natasza! Lots of luck for that! 

Diesy - grrrrr to the fickle date. Best find that out sooner rather than later!    Good luck with the cross trainer - do you really want a cross one though?    

Txx


----------



## Diesy

Tommi they are all like that!  They don't come to heel when you show interest and these days they fall apart if you don't massage their ego every 20 mins.  He asked a few times what I thought of our date and him - well if you want an answer mate just ask me out again and see.  The fact that I was still there spoke volumes.  I give up!    

xx

PS That's all my news from the half written email to you - do you still want it?


----------



## Diesy

Anyone who read my medical records debacle I can now finish the story.  I couldn't keep my SMC dreams out of the system and they were just used against me, very humiliating, cried in the offices and all the way home.  It was that awful hiccupping crying when you have to talk through it.  Not sure what to do with myself now, why can't just ONE thing go right for me.  Any before anyone thinks, eek what a self pitying wreck, things really are that bad.  I wouldn't wish what I'm going through on anyone and that's after not wishing the stuff that happened to bring me to here.  Apparently I'm supposed to have given my dog away too and slash out on a fancy automatic, mmm I will try and fit that in with arrears on the mortgage, mounting credit card debt just to put food on the table.   And I got a new crystal yesterday, nothing in working.  Go on someone else come kick me in the face, not sure I'd notice anymore.  All my hard work in this life worth zip, zero, nada.

Aggghhhh, away to cuddle the dog


----------



## Diesy

Thanks for listening   xx


----------



## Diesy

Oops, just wanted to say what you are seeing is the destruction of hope that anything is going to improve despite my best efforts.  

Thank you and good night.


----------



## Tommi

Diesy    
Don't know what to say other than let us look after your hope for now (combined with our hope for you). 
Txx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

just sending some    diesy
hope that things start to look up for you very soon, it sounds like you deserve a break
Suitcase
x


----------



## aimless1

Diesy - hope you are ok. Take care of yourself. Have never worked out how to do the little hugging face things (or any of those symbols) but if I knew how to do them there would be lots in this post.
X


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Diesy in so sorry you are having such a horrid time-sending you a hug x


----------



## some1

Diesy - sending lots of    and   

Some1
xx


----------



## notamuggle

Diesy


----------



## Diesy

Aw thanks peeps   means a lot as always.  Lots of formal complaints letters to write now.  It's like a comedy of errors, an idiotic farce.  I would still be very upset about it, however someone wonderful out there (you know who you are) has flung me a personal flotation devise.  So head's above water, body hopefully to follow.  On a serious note, I am amazed that legal documents with are illegible are acceptable, that they can be vague enough to describe one thing and while achieving another, that I am brighter than officials at their job and that they are allowed to raise prejudice that went with the dark ages, or at least the 20th century.  Shocking, unacceptable and immoral.

I hope we can make a better world for the future but until then I hope you all have a lovely weekend and the sun shines.  xx


----------



## smilingandwishing

Deisy,

Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and hope things brighten for you soon.

Lots of    to you.

Love Smilingxx


----------



## Diesy

Thanks   Been a bit more upset today.  Went to the supermarket and bought - Lindt box of my fav chocs, choc cake, Hershey Kisses x2, choc covered biscuits and choc ices...see a theme developing?  Just infuriated with the whole thing, one of them even misinterpreted one of there questions on the form - jeeze how thick can they be!  Just wares you down...where's that choc biscuit gone...this will be me in my leggings soon.
  That's smoke coming out my ears btw  

xxx


----------



## Tommi

Diesy    
Sounds like some choc therapy is just what you need. 
Txx


----------



## Diesy

Yes  
xx


----------



## Eymet

Hello ladies

Hope you're all doing well today! 

I'm fairly new here and am about to start on my first IVF in a week all going well.

I'm 43 with a very low amh and just wondered if there is anyone out there who is my age and had a successful ivf at 43 with low amh? 

Been feeling quite stressed and want to be realistic. 

Hope you all have a good week!


----------



## Diesy

Hi Eymet,

I'm going to be 43, OMG, and I haven't had my AMH tested recently but there are eggs in there last time we checked.  It might be worth you checking poor responders thread as low AMH goes with that sometimes.  Not sure how much reading you have done but from what I've seen on here the less drugs the better.  Have you spotted the over 40's thread?  A few of us post over there as well, good place to look.  What kind of protocol do they have you going for?  Are donor eggs something you would consider?  I'm just thinking it's good to have a plan B to keep looking forward.

Good to see you here  
Diesy


----------



## Eymet

Hi Diesy

Thanks for your reply! The protocol that I'll start is day 6 ultrasound and then start with menopur injection, then another ultrasound 2/3 days later then to start cetrotide injections for a couple days before EC aswell as menopur still, then final ultrasound and plan the otrivelle injection...
As you say they seem to like to keep it to a low level of meds for low amh. They only plan to collect 2 or maybe 3 eggs hopefully. Will have to see how it goes. 
I have thought about donor egg and giving it a lot of thought, still not sure if I would do that or not, but as you say good to have other options. 

What stage are you at? 

Thanks for the info on the other thread, I'll take a look there too!!


----------



## smilingandwishing

Hi there eyemet..

I'm 43 and my amh was 1.6  you can see from my signature that things have worked for me so far. 

Smiling


----------



## Diesy

Hi Eymet,

Oh that sounds good about your protocol and you only need one egg so fingers crossed. Are you taking much in the way of supplements? I've read Q10 is good, I found this useful.

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=226042.0

Well, think you've got enough to think about with an upcoming cycle, other treatment ideas can go on the back burner but I always think it's a comfort to have them there, takes the pressure off. 
Me, well I'm trying to raise cash for a hysto and then a mini IVF. 

Smiling, you are some kind of legend   

BTW we had sunny sun and hail today and snow is predicted. Just back from Star Trek, t'was good, lovely distraction. Okay lovely is probably the wrong word but hectic viewing.

Diesy


----------



## Eymet

Hi Smiling, thanks for reply....great to see things have worked so well for you and with IUI aswell!!    Did you do medicated cycles and do you mind me asking about how they timed it? I have done 5 IUI's with nothing at all and can't help wondering if the timings were out a bit. The first 4 were unmedicated and just timed by the OPK stick, on average 24 hours after positive result... Hope everything's going well!! 

Hi again Diesy, thanks so much for that link. Some really interesting info there. I'm already taking, folic acic, B6, vit C and vit E, but after reading the link you sent, I went out yesterday and bought packets of Brazil nuts and Royal jelly. Will also get the Q10 aswell. 

My first scan is now booked for 26th May so will be interesting to see how that goes. Will keep posted!!

Take care! E xx


----------



## Diesy

Hi Eymet,

Wow, 26th, that is like sooooon!  Brilliant!  I'm just adding that I'm not a fan of natural IUI's myself.  I love the security of a trigger shot with or without stimming.  I think OPK's would send me round the twist.  My IUI was with clomid, shagged my lining, and a trigger.  If I were doing it again I'd probably use menopur, not rich enough for gonal f.  I was really happy with my IUI, 2 good follies, trigger and IUI on day 11/12, really felt it had worked then I freaked out and then the symptoms stopped.  Anyhoo.  IVF is great too because you really get a good idea if they have fertilised, how the eggs are and the chances.  Lots and lots of these wee dudes        I always put five because five is lucky in Chinese mythology, and Feng Shui...so wow it's that great karma for this thread    

Great weather!  
Diesy xx


----------



## Diesy

Quote of the day type thingy, putting it up before I forget it. Went something like this...

*If you are suffering from analysis paralysis, forget the pro's and con's and instead focus on the thing that will take you closer to your goal.*​


----------



## Tommi

Love the quote, Diesy!


----------



## Eymet

Hi Diesy

You're so right with the OPK's, they drove me nuts!! 

Thanks for your wishes and the five lucky dudes!!  

Started my modified ivf cycle today and did first menopur injection tonight, feel silly for being nervous about the injection now, I didn't feel a thing!!    Looking forward to next scan now to see what's happening....

Hope everyone's doing well!!


----------



## Diesy

Hi Eymet,

Oooh!  Exciting stuff!  Menopur isn't so bad, I had clexane before, took me up to 30 mins to get it in.  Seemed to need to stab it so as not to bruise, i.e. agghhhhh!  Let us know how you are getting on.  Oooh, lots of fingers crossed here!


----------



## Eymet

Hello girls!! Hope everyone is doing ok!! 

I had my second scan on Thursday but she said that the main follicle had only grown by 1mm to 14mm. She said if it hasn't grown a lot more by tomorrow's scan, that we might have to cancel the cycle...

Will have to wait and see what happens tomorrow's and hopefully the second follie will have grown too....

Wishing you all a relaxing weekend, sun came out today!!


----------



## Tommi

Eymet... come on follies! I don't know if drinking lots of water helps but it might be worth a try!
      
Txx


----------



## Eymet

Hi Tommi, thanks for the reminder about water drinking, am so bad at that!! Will pour myself a big glass now.  

I just got back from scan and they have both grown to 16mm, so am pleased the cycle is not being canx...they want to see me for another scan tomorrow and probably Ovitrelle inj tomorrow night for hopefully EC Tuesday...

How many weeks are you now? Everything going ok? E xx


----------



## Tommi

Oh that's great news Eymet! So pleased to hear that!
I am 12 weeks now. I think all's going well. Another scan on Tuesday...
Txx


----------



## Diesy

I've just caught up, that's great Eymet!  They are sneaky wee so and so's, eh?!  Sending you even more follie plumping vibes        Keep us post, stuff is crossed.

Tommi, time seems to be speeding up     

What is everyone doing this weekend? (apart from growing follies Eymet   )  Since it doesn't look like I can scratch the money together for Athens I appear to be doing a gig on Tuesday.          xx


----------



## Tommi

Diesy - it really is speeding up! Can't believe I've passed the 12 weeks marker already. Although looking back, it has been quite a challenge!

Good luck for the gig on Tuesday. You are so, so brave! 

Txx


----------



## Diesy

Tommi, can't wait to hear more about Thursday.  I think the word you are searching for might be stupid, not brave.  Jeezo, will be pooping it, well not literally.  Need to do a bit of work, agghh!!!  xx


----------



## Eymet

Hello girls, hope you're all doing well! Great you are past the 12 wk marker Tommi and wishing you a good scan tomorrow!!  

I had a disastrous day, yesterday had scan and bloods and planned EC for Tuesday, follies looking good, blood flow good, lining all good!! Then a call yesterday evening saying LH high, which I kind of already knew as I'd also just done a OPK test which was positive! (cetrotide not having a great effect on me it seems) so, when I told her my OPK news, she said coupled with blood result I must go in first thing this morning...so was there first thing..ready to stay the night nearby and very nervous, anyway had scan and all follies had gone!!! So disheartening, but what can you do!!! 

This is definitely a learning process and an expensive one at that!! Anyway, will start stimms again on my next cycle and will be monitored more closely, but they like the same protocol as he said I respond well, so....

Was planned for the rest of the day relaxing so am going to do exactly that!! Take care everyone!! xx


----------



## Diesy

Hi Eymet, oh that's so pants!!!     You sound very gathered and together, well done!   It's good to have an idea how you are going to respond next month and have the protocal in place.  We can bring out the     again next month.  Well, get yourself a glass of wine and have you got some Q10 yet?  Or maybe we could do some protein counting for the next month - wow, get us, we know how to live!

Diesy xx


----------



## Tommi

Oh Eymet! How infuriating! You poor thing!    I do hope they keep a very close eye on things next time around. You sound very philosophical about it all. I hope your relaxing afternoon has been a good one   

My scan tomorrow has been cancelled. Apparently the blood results aren't back from America so I'm now booked in next week. I was convinced that was because something was wrong but they assured me it was just because the lab needs more time to process the blood! Do I believe them??!!    Must stay calm!

Txx

PS Diesy


----------



## karenstar

Eymet, sorry this cycle hasn't worked out.


----------



## Eymet

Thanks girls!!    quite deflated really, unbelievable!! Anyway, trying to stay positive and will also feel more relaxed about it all second time around. This time was quite stressful, starting off with the injections and trains back and forth to London for scans etc, think I've got the hang of it all now! Just hope I have a couple of good follies again next time! 

Why do your bloods have to go to America Tommi? Are you in the UK? 

Ahaha Diesy you are funny!! We sure know how to live!! ;-)) Haven't managed a glass of wine tonight but for sure tomorrow night, much needed!!! 

Back to the grind stone tomorrow, chat soon ladies!! xxxi


----------



## smilingandwishing

Hello Ladies,

Eymet - how annoying and frustrating - you are an absolute star though to take such a positive attitude.  Hopefully the clinic wil really understand you for next time and so will be able to better predict how the cycle will go.  Sending massive hugs!

Diesey - lovely to hear from you, as always - you always make me smile!!

Karenstar - hello to you - from your signature looks like you are getting close to a cycle - good luck.

Wishing everyone well.

Smiling xx


----------



## Diesy

I'm glad I'm making you all laugh, you all must travel the length of the country to come to my next gig!      xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Eymet I'm so sorry for you, the clinic Should shoulder some responsibility & cost for failing to monitor you properly- his also happened to a friend & she got another cycle- when I cycled with oe last time I had at least daily bloods and sometimes was told to take cetrotide 3 times in a day. Good luck


----------



## Diesy

Very good point JJ.  I'd take it up with your clinic Eymet, maybe a letter would work better than face to face.


----------



## Trumpet

Hi Eymet,

I have tried to send you a PM but it said your inbox was full so I couldn't send it.  You need to delete some messages from your inbox to receive any.  Thanks for you PM and good news is they retrieved 3 eggs today!

Good luck with your appointment.  I may be in the clinic on the same day.

Trumpet xxx


----------



## Eymet

Hello girls!! 

JJ1 -  very interesting that you took cetrotide 3 times a day sometimes, I'll definitely ask my clinic about that. My first scan again Thursday for second attempt, so looking forward to get going again..

Diesy - how are you? thanks for your msg, I have written a couple of emails and it just seems there was no telling that my LH was going to make a sudden rise like that and poss blood tests the day before wouldn't have caught it. They are going to monitor me more closely this time round now they know this information. 

Trumpet - so pleased you had a successful EC!! Looking forward to hear more news!! 

Hope everyone is doing well!! xxx


----------



## BoTree

Hi

I'm looking to start my first treatment in July / August and so I'm looking for some DS! Can anyone give me some info on where they used and whether it worked well and what the costs were like? I seem to be ok on what's going to happen with the treatment, but this area seems fraught with indecision.... how do you choose?!!

Thank you for your help,

BoTree


----------



## Eymet

Hi BoTree

If you're doing IVF, they like you to buy at least MOT 10, if you're doing IUI, they like you to buy at least MOT 20.

Take a look at Cryos (Denmark) and European Sperm Bank (Denmark).

Prices vary but generally around £300 for one vial. 

Also some clinics like you to have a blood test to check whether you are CMV positive or negative and you can choose DS depending on what they are.

With both these banks you can see pictures of the donors. 

Good luck!! Eymet


----------



## Diesy

Hi Eymet, how are you getting on?  I'm fine ta.  When do you start again?  

Such a strange week I've had, kinda emotional.  Among other things my car died again, it's not like a cat, it does not have nine lives, or pass go or collect £200...just £135 at the scrappy.  

Hi BoTree, it's weird picking a donor.  I went with ESB but I'd consider Cyros, I think you can get some adult pictures with them.  I've got a pic of mine as a toddler and if I show it to anyone they really freak out    It's easier than you think because you do end up picking physical characteristics you like, or at least I did.  I picked one then deliberated for a while then went with him.  It's a very personal choice and anyone I've helped pick with has had strong ideas about who they wanted.  Transport is about the cost of a straw again.  Let us know how you go?

What's everyone up to this weekend?  I'm supposed to be somewhere else by now - flippin cars, eh?

Diesy xx


----------



## BoTree

Hi Eymet and Diesy

Thanks for the tips. Eymet though, what is MOT 10 /20? Sorry, I've no idea! I'll have to ask about the blood test match up.

My clinic has today told me that getting DS from Europe means some have a pregnancy slot charge of £1000, which is refundable if you don't get pregnant. Does that sound familiar to you? It's a lot of money... My clinic are quoting £650, but there doesn't seem much choice and I'll have to check, but there doesn't seem to be much about 'who they are' available, just 'what they are', if you know what I mean, so the European ones seem better for finding out a bigger picture. I guess the delivery charge is the same whether 1, 3, 10... straws?

Ha though, hadn't thought about showing people a picture! I haven't told many people what I'm doing yet and haven't decided the line I'd take if it did happen, but I guess a pic is worth having just in case.

Thanks again, everything is helpful at the moment!

BoTree


----------



## Annaleah

Hi BoTree, 

I've never imported DS, though looked into it a few times from ESB, Cryos and US.  I'm sure others will be along to advise you with far more knowledge than me.  You get very little information with UK donors.  I think it is only hair and eye colour, height, weight, blood group, CMV status and sometimes a list of 3-4 hobbies/ interest.  Any child conceived is entitled to seek non-identifying information through the HFEA register at 16 and identifying information at 18, I think.  

Much more information with the european banks in terms of background, pictures, personal statement ....the sorts of personal things which can indicate a little about personality, temperament which may resonate and make it easier to decide on one over another donor. 

I wonder if Eymet was referring (MOT) to number of straws perhaps or motility rating (or maybe even million/per ml). They would obviously recommend more straws for IUI and higher motility/concentration, fewer for IVF and fewer again for ICSI.....though you would hope that with the quality of DS you wouldn't need to pay the extra for ICSI.  

I think the main things to check with your clinic are the number of straws required for the treatment recommended by your consultant, whether they prefer washed or unwashed.  Also look into the pregnancy slot charge.  If I'm not mistaken (someone please correct me if I am...), DS imported in to the UK has to comply with HFEA regulations.  The pregnancy slot applies in so far as each donor can be used to help 'create' up to ten families.  A pregnancy slot ensures use of this donor for your treatment and, I think, any subsequent siblings.  You would inform clinic and bank of successful pregnancy and the charge would reserve than donor - but it would be up to you to buy, import adequate 'stocks' for any future treatment.  It may be that the pg slot just ensures same donor for all initial treatment so do check.  Some clinics regularly deal with European banks so check if transport costs can be combined with any others ordering, if the timing works.  This was offered to me on one occasion and would have been a bit of a cost saving. 

Re bloods, the main thing clinics check for in terms of matching donors is CMV status.  If you are positive, there is no problem selecting a positive or negative donor.  If you're negative and the virus is introduced (via DS or otherwise) during pregnancy there is, I think, a risk of miscarriage.  Not sure where the current research on this stands - so again check with clinic. 

Wish you well in your search  
Annaleah x


----------



## Eymet

Hi Diesy, sorry about your car!!    I have car trouble aswell, mine keeps cutting out and I'm left coasting along the road, then it cuts in again, so am sometimes kangarooing down the road. It's not a good look!!   Gotta take it for it's MOT in a few days and then everything else!! dread to think what they're gonna say!! 

Started my cycle again the other day, so have just been into London this morning for my day 8 scan and bloods, all looking ok so far, slower growing than last time, but that may well be a good thing. Doing soft ivf again...

Hi Botree, MOT stands for motility, so if you look at eg the Cryos website. you'll see in one of the boxes (MOT). If it says eg MOT 10, this means roughly 10 million sperm count?! This would be fine for IVF, but, if you're doing IUI, they like a minimum of MOT 20 so as to give best chances..

Hope everyone's having a lovely weekend!! Take it easy! Eymet xx


----------



## BoTree

Thanks Eymet and Annaleah, really helpful. I've emailed my clinic to ask for some info / clarification, now I'm getting a better idea of what I need to know. I've also emailed ESB to ask about the 'extra fees for the UK', as it looks like that's the £1000, that they justify as needing to comply with HFEA regs about the number of babies each donor can produce. I'll post the outcome so that others know.

Maybe I just won't be able to be as fussy as I am normally...!

Hope everyone has had a good weekend. BoTree


----------



## Eymet

Hi Botree

Sorry I forgot to say about the £1000. It's true that they charge this as a "pregnancy slot". Each donor is only allowed 10 pregnancies in the UK. This will be re funded if you are not successful with that donor. 

Are you doing IUI or IVF?  There's always the option of going abroad for treatment and then eg if you found a donor you liked on a Danish website, you could have treatment in the clinic in Denmark and therefore not have the pregnancy slot charge, you may also be open to more donors as some may have met their 10 limit for the UK. If you have treatment there, even if you live in UK, it doesn't apply. 

Hope that makes sense and good luck with everything, there's so much to take in!! Eymet x


----------



## Elpida

Just a word of warning re the pregnancy slot fee. It is indeed refundable, less a 25% admin fee as I discovered a while ago. A hefty proportion of €1000. 

El x


----------



## Diesy

Lots of good tips that I'm getting saved from typing   Got another one - ESB don't combine shipping with another customer.  Plus, you can get unwashed, it's cheaper and if using ESB and they don't have the stock you want do email and ask if they have it in reserve and the website hasn't been updated.  Main reason I went abroad for tx was due to pregnancy slot.  Do Cyros have pregnancy slot, anyone?  TreeBoo, it can be worthwhile seeking out that clinic provided option.

Happy Sunday night peeps, hope y'all had a nice weekend!  xx


----------



## Diesy

Oops, I meant BoTree  

Eymet, good luck with this cycle, keep us posted!  xx


----------



## notamuggle

Thanks for the info on ds guys, I'll be ordering in August   and although the clinic have given me lots of information is always better hearing it from the girls actually going though it!

I've also booked my implication counselling for July and had all my tests done, can't wait to get started  

Good luck with your cycle Eymet and hugs to all x


----------



## BoTree

Thanks everyone for the info. It does look like the pregnancy slot is E1000, not £1000, which is a little less, but not much. Cyros and Xytex don't seem to charge for one.

Yes Diesy, I have enquired to see if there is more info on the ones from my clinic. It just feels a little basic, so shall see what happens. But info is coming through and it's all beginning to make more sense! TreeBoo doesn't sound too bad actually, like a sort of strange outdoor climbing game!

Eymet, I'm doing a natural modified IVF and it's all sorted, so I'm not looking at going abroad really. Trying to fit everything around work and not having to take too much time off. Hope your EC goes ok. I think we might be at the same clinic.

All the best to everyone and I will hopefully be joining you in July at some point.

BoTree


----------



## Diesy

Hi Natasza - have fun looking for sperm!  Sperm has NEVER seemed so interesting   Be good to get started, heading in the right direction.

BoTree, I'm always getting names the wrong way round, I'm convinced we should all change our user names to Pete...mmm...  It would make a really cool game, you're totally right!  I think 'd be an advocate of harnesses sold with the game and you'd need a pretty big tree. You know I could be wrong but I was given it as £1000 not euros, but hey my local clinic are such rip off merchants who knows!  

Just me - at the pain clinic last night.  They want to give me more drugs that I can't ttc on.  Also booked into the Homeopathic hospital, why didn't they do this 18 months ago!!!  Groan.  Note to self, and anyone else having probs with the NHS, be more of a pain in the   to get stuff done!  

xx


----------



## Tommi

Diesy - that's great they've booked you into the homeopathic hospital! That should be a big step in the right direction. Can they give you some acupuncture too?  
Txx


----------



## Diesy

Tommi, I know, it's fab, eh!  They put you on a course, do visualisation type things.  I just wish I'd had it before now because I'm planning on getting out of Dodge asap, car willing.  It gave me a really good bost though, Dr. said adhesions wouldn't be right through the uterus and it's more likely to be nerve dammage.  She said I've been really unlucky.    Not sure about acupuncture, I will see.  If I'd thought they could have helped me before now I would have booked myself in.  Probably not manage to go now.

Anyhoo...xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Diesy I hope the homeopathic Hosp can help you- and it is part of the NHS!!!


----------



## Eymet

Diesy, homeopathic hospital sounds fab, where is it??


----------



## Diesy

Thanks JJ & Eymet, delighted with the homeopathic hospital, maybe they can get rid of the nasty stabby nerve pain.  It's just along the road from me at the moment, Eymet, they are great.  I just wish they'd thought of this sooner because I'm planning to move.  Anyhoo...


----------



## silverbird

Hi all,

I hope it's Ok to post here but I was wondering if anyone would be able to commnet on my post in realtionhsips.  I would really like a single womens perspective but am not alloud to post here.

Good luck to all those in treatment.

Hugs to Diesy and I hope you've got your car sorted


----------



## Diesy

Hi Silverbird    I will go look up your post now, I hope it's going okay.  Car is getting scrapped, grrr!


----------



## Diesy

Hello - Anyone know of any good books or life/career coaching that I could try to give me confidence, help make decisions but mostly CHANGE MY LIFE TOTALLY BEYOND RECOGNITION? Apart from a two week holiday with rolling sands, turquoise seas and hot young men bringing me pina coladas by day, margaritas by night.

A magic wand/fairy godmother combo would also do the trick  Diesy xx


----------



## Diesy

Okay, own up! Who read this and sent me some positive vibes ...because they worked!!! They must have been the speedy ones too.  xx

PS I just need some confidence now I've managed to get back to equilibrium.


----------



## Tommi

Diesy - I'm glad things are looking up! Re confidence, I was always told, if you haven't got it, act as if you have!   Nothing wrong with faking it every now and then   
Txx


----------



## Diesy

Thanks Tommi - yay we love fake it till you make it...me and my split personality there    It's not that kind of confidence I need, it's the breaking away from controlling family members I need.

But decision making, show of hands for pros and cons list?  What else can I try out?  Right now I'd even give past life regression a go...now where are the yellow pages...

xx


----------



## Prettybrowneyes

With every tear that falls, there is a lost heart that calls.
It calls to say I'm here, don't despair, I will come to you
when the time is right, when you least expect me and through
the quiet night open your heart to me, accept me, I will be there 
in the end. 
Your wait may be long, you may get frustrated by the whole 
ordeal. In the end I will be real. While others around you are
succeeding your heart goes on bleeding.
I would thank you for being patient, I would thank you for 
being the kind of person who shows persistence. If it were not
for this, I may never get the chance to have an existence.
In the chaos of your day, the calm of your night, let your heart
soar and take flight. 
For so many tears, for so many years. You have been trying, 
thinking of giving up but never doing it. In the end you just keep
on going in the hopes that I will come to you, the one who deserves
me, the one who can love me as no other can. You will be that 
mother that you always wanted to be. Just keep waiting for me.


----------



## Diesy

I wish I were more romantic Prettybrowneyes!

Well I did the pros & cons - it didn't work! I need a lobotomy instead, then I am absolutely sure it would work! See! Even when hardly anyone replies to me I still post back progress, just seems rude to leave stuff hanging there! So anyway, glad no-one suggested pros and cons cause then I'd have to make something up like it was really insightful. I've looked into another couple of decision making techniques;
1. Get blind drunk and make the decision when REALLY hungover and ****** off in the morning. 
2. Avoid making a decision completely - hence where I am now. 
3. Watch A LOT of Eastenders and decide that I'm actually living the high life and don't need to make any decisions. 
4. Go on the game, then I won't need to make a decision because I'll be able to affordably get up the duff without selling my bleeping house!

Yay, all my problems are solved! Stay tuned for the next instalment of Diesy Loses the Plot in Teal! xx


----------



## Tommi

Diesy - this thread is a bit quiet! 

Pros and cons... do they ever work?! I don't know. Not liking number 1... number 2 is good for a time, but maybe not right now... number 3 is bound to work   ... number 4... it would never work... they couldn't afford you! Loving the teal by the way!

So, I think another plan might be a scratch card... I'll go shopping tomorrow and post one to you. How about setting a deadline for decision-making?

Sending you lots of positive happenings vibes!    

Txx


----------



## indekiwi

Pretty Brown Eyes, so beautiful.     


Diesy, have you read Tony Robbins' Awaken the Giant Within?  It's a bit of a bible for me.  Has helped me to get clarity and set out a path for reaching my objective.     

A-Mx


----------



## liswaiting

Diesy I think 3 is your only option.  Nothing is so bad that watching Eastenders can't make it better!


----------



## silverbird

hugs disey.

I usally try meditation.  Empty all pros and cons what other people think etc out your mind.  breath deeply.  Think the question.  imiagnine two boxes one yes one no.  keep breathing. one box will become bigger and thats your answer


----------



## notamuggle

Hey guys how are you doing?

Silver bird I like your advice there, hope it helps Diesy

I went for my session of implications counselling today. It was really good and made me even more confident I'm making the right decision but also made me think about things I hadn't considered before 

Just fell asleep on the iPad! Think its time for bed 

Hugs to all


----------



## Eymet

Diesy!!!    I've just thought of a brilliant book!! It's called "feel the fear and do it anyway" by susan jeffers

I read it some years ago and it pushed me to make some big changes in my life!! E xx


----------



## Diesy

Yay lots of friends here!  I went out last night and tried No 1 on my list.  Mmm, that went well   although I did accidentally pulled a MUCH younger guy  

I must check out those books, thanks!  I think I have Feel the Fear in storage but I might chuck a version on my Kindle for access and good luck.  I'm starting to seriously think of paying for therapy because I'm just feeling so run down and done in with everything that's happened.  I haven't tried the box meditation, gosh will be giving it a go!  I do visualisation    Problem is every time I make a decision my family get involved and tell me I'm doing the wrong thing but then they don't help me achieve the ideal.

Lovely to hear from everyone    Must dash off to Amazon before it closes!  I will let you know what Tony and Susan think. xx


----------



## silverbird

Diesy I insit you tell me about the younger guy asap!

I've used the box meditation for just about every impoatant desssion I've needed to make I find it really helpful.


----------



## Diesy

BTW Tommi I bought us a scratch card today - we won!  A whole pound!  Whatever are you going to do with your 50p  I say we put it back on and win again!  What say you?

Silverbird, I will try the boxes, mmm I have a feeling they will both stay small.    It's exciting, we shall see! 

xx


----------



## Tommi

Diesy-do-da - Woohoo! Let's gamble again!   
Txx


----------



## Diesy

I got another one Tommi but now I can't find it.  It's in a pocket somewhere getting more lucky that ever!  When I went to the shop to trade it in the woman offered me a different card with possible winnings of 5k - I need to win more than that!  

Silverbird - did the box thang not expecting it to work, it was weird cause I've done stuff like that before.  Even when I first visualised the boxes I couldn't see the top of one of them, it was like a gigantic skyscraper stretching to the moon.  I am obviously drowning where.    Ah, the younger guy just throw himself at me, the end.

Happy Monday everyone - how was the weekend? xx


----------



## silverbird

I hope it was some help Diesy, I once did it and one box got big so quickly it literally pushed the other box out of my visualisation! I knew my answer!


----------



## Diesy

It's really interesting, wonder if it's just what you want but that isn't always the right thing to do, especially with financial stuff?  I don't know how you make these kind of decisions any more, it was SO, SO, SO much easier when I was younger!


----------



## BoTree

Hi. Diesy, I said I'd come back and update you on buying my DS... it's just taken me a little time to do so! Totally difficult decision, but in the end I went with getting some from the US, which seems to have more free info and no 'pregnancy slot' payment and they shipped it pretty quickly, so I was pleased, even if they were a little chaotic. I realised that typing 2 questions in one email meant I only got one answered each time, so lots of emails later....! My clinic have confirmed that my 'material' has arrived!!

I've got my first scan on Thursday and then it's a short protocol, so all over in about 8/9 days, then, hopefully waiting.

Anyway, hope everyone on here is good and fingers crossed we all win the lottery!

BoTree


----------



## notamuggle

Good luck botree

I'll be ordering in October/November, excited and nervous!

Keeping everything crossed for you x


----------



## Diesy

BoTree - that's great about your "material", it's always a difficult one and yay it's done and dusted!  Wow and you are forging ahead with action!  Woop woop!  How was your scan?  When are they "doing the drop", sorry I've been watching a lot of spy programmes.  

Hey Natasza - you've got a wee while yet.  I remember helping someone pick swimmers and at least I had beers at the time, joking it was like a night out clubbing even if we were doing it all online.  

Hey, maybe we should start a thingy whatsit for the lotto!  Have a nice weekend y'all, I'll be writing writing and mmm...writing. xx


----------



## kizzi79

For sale ->
Zita West's Guide to fertility & Assisted Conception
Fertile Thinking
Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogates
Choosing Single Motherhood

May be useful to those considering / still having tx 

Kiz xx

See listings on FF:
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=311939.0
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=311940.msg5581149#msg5581149
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=311938.0#ixzz2eJUrTYK2
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=311941.0#ixzz2eJVTMBER


----------



## Diesy

*IT'S SO QUIET IN HERE! * 

Nobody take you up on your books yet Kizzi? Good idea  Adopted anymore snow leopards yet? 

Oh well, how is everyone in general? Diesy x


----------



## Flutter74

hi kizzi 

hope you get this message. are you still selling the book ? i am 39 single & starting the process of having DD. 

my clinic has recommended ukfca in Cyprus. its a mindfield out there choosing clinic etc  
congrats on adoption panel hope that progressing xx


----------



## kizzi79

Hi flutter - i am still selling the books, do you want to pm me or leave a message here re which ones you would like. Wishing you lots of luck with treatment
I am good thanks Diesy - little C has changed so much since coming home - lots more mobile and very chatty  How aee things with you?? Really hope things are improving <hugz>
Love kiz and lil C xx


----------



## Flutter74

thanks

have sent you a pm. 

cheers xx


----------



## Diesy

Hi Flutter74, welcome to the gang!

Hi Kizzi, yeah things have improved quite a bit, still a bit stressed.  Brilliant to hear you guys are doing great!  Yay!  

Hi to everyone else, I haven't been around much so sure I'm missing all the action.  Look forward to catching up.  

Diesy xx


----------



## natclare

Just thought I'd pop my head in here as getting all active again... cycling to freeze blastocyst embryos at Serum next month! xxx


----------



## Diesy

Good luck Natclare, hope it all goes brilliantly!


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

how exciting natclare x


----------



## Diesy

I dreamt my ovaries fell out.  This isn't good, right?  Interestingly they were partially made up of those plastic balls that break in half from a Kinder Surprise.  In the dream I was trying to calm myself down with, it's okay you can do DD.  So, yeah totally freaked out now!

Hope everyone else is having anice weekend - Diesy


----------



## Tommi

Diesy   
Txx


----------



## Diesy

It's funny in a scary way tho.   Tommi   xx


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Interesting article in Saturday 2.11.13  Guardian on single fathers by choice.


----------



## Diesy

Wow, how did they pull that one off?  Mrs under the patio?  Sounds interesting, maybe try to find it online.


----------



## Diesy

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/nov/02/men-single-dad-father-surrogacy-adoption

/links


----------



## indekiwi

Fantastic article - and for a change, the comments underneath are, in the main, fairly sensible.  


A-Mx


----------



## Diesy

Yeah A-M,  read a wee bit, seemed really balanced.  c


----------



## suitcase of dreams

that's because it's the Guardian not the Daily Mail ;-)


----------



## Tommi

Was just going to say the same thing Suity!  
Txx


----------



## BroodyChick

That was a great article, thanks for posting on here Diesy!
Hope it inspires some wanabe dads


----------



## Flutter74

thanks for sharing the article


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

did anyone see this ? i remember the lady on ff, but I guess everyone is different and we all have choices

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/nov/16/30000-ivf-for-baby-didnt-want

/links


----------



## Tommi

I read it, but don't remember her on here. I was surprised that her ambivalence wasn't picked up by clinic counsellors  
Txx


----------



## Hbkmorris

I can't believe that women's story.. What a selfish women and to actually put your face to it.. That's made me feel so angry that she thought of spending £30k was like spending £3 in asda.. I've paid that with bother £6k looming and I've no idea where to obtain the money from but damn me I want to be a mommy and have a child of my own so women like her irritate me immensely.. Arrrrgh.. Shocked x


----------



## BroodyChick

JJ1- I was SO shocked by that story, although bits of it also made me laugh. I guess it takes going through the whole process for some people to work out what they really want, I believe that for men it's not so uncommon to be put off the idea of children by the IVF but I am not sure I'd have gone to a newspaper to talk about it in such detail.

What peeved me the most was that she considered aborting the pregnancy she achieved with a double donation - as an egg sharer myself I'd be mortified to know that eggs I nearly died for producing would be so carelessly killed off!

Yes I am pro-choice, but with a wanted pregnancy in someone in her 30s/40s with a potentially viable foetus and no other children? Not so much...


----------



## notamuggle

Hey guys,

That articles a bit odd, if I felt like that (which I can't imagine I ever would) the last thing I would want to do is broadcast it!

Anyway I'm excited as I've ordered my sperm and should be going ahead with IUI the week before Christmas!!!!!! 

Hugs to all x


----------



## BroodyChick

Wow Natasza, that's great news!
Where did you order it from? Hope you can make the next meet-up to tell us all about it  x


----------



## notamuggle

I ordered from ESB

I presumed they'd all be european donors but in fact mine's American 

I should hopefully make the next London meet up

I'm so excited, can't wait to get started! I'm very nervous of course too but trying to stay positive and not worry too much about it not working, I'll cross at bridge if I need to later  

Hopefully meet some of you soon x


----------



## Diesy

Very exciting Natasza!  I did IUI a week before Xmas last year, it was a nice time to chill out.  xx


----------



## indekiwi

A-Mx


----------



## notamuggle

Happy Christmas inde and all the gang. 

Wishing everyone a lovey day and big hugs to those who find this time of year  difficult. I hope you all get a chance to relax and have a little 'me time' amid the chaos of today

Xxx


----------



## Diesy

Merry Christmas everyone!  Well said Natasza  

Lots of hugs to everyone this Christmas!

Diesy   xx


----------



## kizzi79

Wishing everyone an extra special Christmas and a magical 2014 (filled with lots of BFPs and babies fir everyone on the thread).

Love Kiz and lil C  xx


----------



## Diesy

Merry Christmas, here's the tree again this year.  Hope you can see it in your browsers.  I think I may have used up my quota of reiki luck men now, so enjoy!  Happy Christmas to all the babies that have joined the tread this year and before.                          


                            
                           
                        
                     
                    
                  
                 
                         
                         

Diesy xx


----------



## BroodyChick

Happy Christmas everyone!! Thanks for your good wishes Diesy, Natasza and kizzi and everyone else, wow K, first Xmas as a mummy, give lil C a hug from me  May all your wishes for the new year come true (or at least the b-word) xxx


----------



## Diesy

Happy Christmas Broody!  Flip, I had to dust this thread down!  Haa-choooo!  Bless me, sorry.


----------



## BroodyChick

Lol Diesy!!!


----------



## notamuggle

I got all confused then with the mention of Christmas!

Hello girls, I'm off sick with laryngitis  I feel bad as I've already had 3 weeks of following the mc and was off sick in December but I tried to go in this morning and couldn't even speak as I'd lost my voice so came home again.

How is everyone? X


----------



## Diesy

I came in to post something else and couldn't believe I'd missed the Christmas message, Broody!  I was off on planet  Man fro a while there and still have terrible altitude sickness and other problems, ringing my hands being one.  

Notamuggle, I'm off with sinus probs!  It's a bit rubbish, isn't it!?  How are you feeling today, better?  I think I need to move somewhere warmer, went out a walk yesterday and felt like I'd been punched!  Ah, sick time can't be helped and really need time off after mc.  

Diesy xx


----------



## Tommi

Hope you feel better v soon ladies. Not great being unwell. Sending you lots of get better wishes.
Txx


----------



## notamuggle

Hey Diesy, Tommi and Broody!

Diesy how are you feeling today? And what this about a man 

I'm still sick! I had the worst chesty cough for 5 days now with fevers and chills, haven't been able to sleep as when I lie down the coughing is worse! Went to GP yesterday to check I didn't have a chest infection but the GP noticed I have a goitre! I hadn't even noticed. She said it may be because I was recently pregnant (she was very sweet about the mc and said how sorry she was) so I have to go back and have bloods done on Monday.

I'm so stressed though as I've been organising a big table top exercise at work that was meant to be today. I've been emailing work colleagues to try and get it to go ahead without me as everyone's rearranged their work diaries to attend but we've had to cancel it today. 

My GP was very understanding and said I looked crap  and like I needed time off work and signed me off for a week

I feel so guilty that I'm off sick but also worried about my thyroid and really tired as I can't sleep and feel like I'm going to actually cough up a lung any minute!!!

Anyone know much about thyroid issues and miscarriage or pregnancy?

Xxx


----------



## Diesy

Thanks Tommi   I'm doing Weightwatchers btw, day 4 and I've lost a pound, I did lose 3/4lbs on day 1 though.  Wow, you really can eat a lot but I have been hungry.  Hoping to follow your example    And I'm off the caffeine!     Getting ready for May 

I'm feeling okayish, Notamuggle, but I'm going back to the doctor this afternoon.  I got antibiotics for the sinusitis but they haven't really worked, I felt like I'd been punched yesterday!  Had to google goitre, mmm...sounds very European and exotic.  How do they treat it?  Hope you feel much better by then, these things take a while, coughs are a nightmare to get rid of.  I swear by my neti pot but it hasn't saved me this time although I think it's made me better than usual.

To cut a long and very boring story short    - Planet Man, don't go, it's not worth it.  I wish I'd read up more carefully on Trip Advisor but I got my ankle caught up in the ropes of the hot air balloon and it was too late.  It's such a confusing atmosphere and although where you are there it's like totally amazing and like nothing else, landing is bumpy, gritty and makes you sad and cry a bit.  Basically had a flirting "thing" with a guy I see through work.  He was really attentive (why am I using past tense) he IS really attentive but doesn't want to date me.  So he's settled for following me around like a lost puppy.  Go me!  

I hope we feel better soon!  xx


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Notamuggle - thyroid issues always have to be addressed when it comes to pregnancy, my sister is also currently on meds for an overactive thyroid, an I had underfunction as a teen and never got any periods until it was treated. Good you're being looked after!

Diesy - sorry to hear about the man, but one isn't enough. You need the Four Man Plan (a great book, it changed my life!) He will soon up his puppy game, or pull his tail in and run off to the dog house.

Get better soon everyone xx


----------



## Diesy

I for one still feel like ****.    It's like a truck has run me over.  

Yup Broody, kinda have four in total and I haven't even read that book!  

What's everyone up to this weekend? xx


----------



## Tommi

Diesy, feel better soon. Rest lots. Is there anything I can do?
Notamuggle you get better soon too. We need you all fighting fit for babymaking!
I am attempting to master the art of marshmallow making this weekend. Seen it on TV and it looked easy... we shall see... trying to get organised for Easter!
Txx


----------



## Diesy

Tommi, still on the drugs and they make me feel like ****.  It's a drugged sleep that the dog wakes me up from - horrid!  But in 4 days of Weightwatchers I've lost 2.5lbs!  And that's lying around all day!  I wonder how many points are in a hot choc with cream and marshmallows?  Mmmm...  Good luck with making them, how adventurous!  Let us know how it goes!  Yes, there is something you can do  Send a pic of the marshmallows and tell the universe to give my guy a kick up the backside lol.  Scottish men are the worst ever, groan.  Have fun!  Hugs to LLO (lovely little one).  Xx

Ps choc coated marshmallows are my fav, OMG I'm away in a dream world just thinking about them!  I think I prefer them to my guy!


----------



## Tommi

Diesy! Well I didn't get to make the marshmallows but I did make some little cakes for my godson who visited and a birthday cake. Maybe marshmallows in the morning. 

That's great progress on WW! I love it. It's a great way of losing a pound or two when you need to. Not that you need to. I've seen your pic!

I've sent the universe an urgent memo. I was really quite insistent. I hope it does the trick. 

Never had choc coated marshmallows. Although was thinking of making a choc dipping sauce for the ones I make for Easter. When I finally get round to it I'll send a pic.

Hope the rest of you ladies had a good Saturday!

Txx


----------



## Diesy

Tommi, I bought little marshmallows for my hot choc yesterday.  I have been dreaming about them for a while.  Held back on the skooshy cream but there's a shop at the bottom of the road.  I have marshmallow fluff in the cupboard.  And yes I really do need to loss, someone would give me a seat on the bus no bother!

Well, still ill.  Another week signed off and I have a chest infection and sinusitis!  I went back on Friday and said the antibiotics for the sinus infection weren't working and they sent me off with nothing but more rest.  Now I have a steroid spray and MORE antibiotics!  A bit   and   .  I'm also deathly pale, dizzy and exhausted. 

How are you Notamuggle?  Do you have a magic wand btw?

Broody, Tommi, I know we can't talk babies here so  to them 

Diesy xx


----------



## notamuggle

Hey girls,

Diesy I'm sorry you're still I'll, sinusitis is nasty!

I'm afraid my magic wand seems broken! I'm much better than last week but still feeling exhausted all the time. Im going back to work tomorrow and I'm dreading it. I'll have so much to catch up on and I always feel guilty when I'm off sick. I have to have a back to work interview next week  

My GP did loads of blood tests which I should get back tomorrow so I'll see if they show anything.

Tommi can you make me some cakes too! 

How's everyone else doing? Xxx


----------



## Diesy

Notamuggle, hope your test results show good things.  I imagine that if you are exhausted that you have something working on you.  I'm a mess.  I can't believe that my sinusitis infection has been joined by a chest infection.  I'm just falling apart.  I'm woozy, dopey and several of the other sick dwarfs.  Where is my prince goddamnit!  Oh yeah, at work and I'm barred.  Like you I'm guilty and desperate to go back to work, it's hard, isn't it?  Don't you find as a single gal we are used to being so capable that having time off and being proper sick is difficult.  I can't tell you the number of times I've dressed for (and driven to) work in the last couple of weeks and then had to stay home.

Hope you feel okay tomorrow.  Let us know how your results are.  Could it be low iron too?

Diesy xx

PS That's pish about the magic wand.  I had high hopes!


----------



## Diesy

Still ill.  Stayed in for since Wednesday's doctor's appointment, then took dog out yesterday for shortish walk.  Rewarded with feverishness and bad, bad headache.  Stressed about being off work for another whole week 

How are you Notamuggle?


----------



## notamuggle

Hey Diesy, I'm sorry you're still poorly! Have you finished your second lot of antibiotics? 

I'm feeling much better thanks, no longer feverish and only have a slight lingering cough every now and then, I still feel so tired though, I feel about 80!

I'm off for a long walk to my friends house for Sunday lunch, hoping a bit of exercise will help me feel re energised

My bloods all came back within normal range but my tsh level is higher than they like for pregnancy. The NICE guidelines are a bit confusing though. They say if you start out within normal range (below 5) you don't have a problem and don't need treatment, but if you start off out of range (above 5 for hypothyroidism) they want you TSH to be around 1 and definitely below 2. Mine is 2.5 so within normal range but higher than they want it for getting pregnant so now I'm confused!

I'm trying to make a Drs appt but my Dr is on holiday and you can only book appts up to 2 weeks in advance so I have to wait till next week the try and make an appt!

The ladies on the immune and thyroid thread have kindly given me some great advice so I guess I'll just wait and see 

How's everyone else doing?


----------



## Diesy

Glad to hear you are on the mend Notamuggle!  I am close on your heels, pretty please universe.  Best to go by the good for conception guides, so yours are out then.  Not to dis the GP's they do a great job but don't get fobbed off, they can't be on top of everything.  Foot stamping may be required.  No point you spending thousands on treatment when your laces are undone for the race.  

But how was lunch?

Yes, nearly finished the antibiotics, enlisted dog walkers for today and next two.


----------



## Diesy

Oh dear I've stretched myself a bit thin emotionally and something's gone wrong with something that was supposed to be a good thing and not really got the reserves to deal with it.  Feeling really upset and   (not hormones unfortunately).  Not really sure how to regroup because it's the thing that I rely on to keep going that has got messed up.


----------



## Tommi

Big hugs Diesy  
Say some more?
Txx


----------



## notamuggle

Oh no Deisy


----------



## BroodyChick

Notamuggle, it's definitely worth getting on some meds to bring your levels into a normal range for pregnancy - my sister did and conceived right away.

Diesy, how are you?x


----------



## indekiwi

Diesy?    


A-Mx


----------



## Diesy

Hello, after crying my eyes out last night I wrote an email at 5am and pressed send.  I'm doing an MA in a creative subject and getting the poop kicked out of me by inexperienced supervisors.  They are spoiling my one coping mechanism.  I'm too scared to even open my inbox to see a reply!  
Thanks for being there and listening  
 Diesy xx

Notamuggle, I agree with Broody, try to get your levels in the good pg range.


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

diesy so sorry it is a tough time- would you not write a blog some find it cathartic xx


----------



## Diesy

JJ, I've picked up a bit.  Did an edit on that post, left the bones, felt I'd gone on a bit.  I'll give a blog some thought    Meanwhile I can't face opening my inbox  

How are you doing though?  How's work and all that jazz?  

cheers m'dear xx


----------



## Tommi

Diesy, do open your inbox... There's something in there from a certain little guy!
Txx


----------



## Diesy

Tommi   xx
I'll get a friend to defuse it tonight


----------



## ♥JJ1♥

Diesy supervisor so often kill enthusiasm my friend has had an awful time with phd supervisor in the last year.


----------



## Diesy

Hello everyone, sorry JJ, I don't think I saw your post (otherwise I WOULD have replied!)  How is everyone?  I got my course sorted, I hate having to kick ass!  Hope you're all well xx


----------



## notamuggle

Hey diesy, I'm glad your course is sorted. I'm having some work issues but hoping they'll sort the nerves out soon 

Hugs to all xxx


----------



## Diesy

Hi Notamuggle,

Howz it going?  What are your work worries?  Are they fixed now?  I've lost my job.  Having a breakdown.  

Did anyone see the post about a topic "moved to Spain".  Loved that!  Really appealed to my stupid sense of humour    

Hope everyone else is well,
Diesy x

PS  Sorry I'm not really around on other threads, for a while now, things are tough on pretty much all fronts.  Chocolate is still going well but Golden Wonder Cheese and Onion crisps have really gone down hill.  Disappointing.


----------



## notamuggle

Hey Diesy!
Thanks for asking after me

Things are not going brilliantly this year Diesy, I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown too! 

My work worries were that a month ago I was pulled into a meeting and told my job was at risk. I've known about the restructure for a few months but I was repeatedly told I wasn't going to be affected. I'm the only person that does my job in the whole organisation and national legislation says you have to have someone doing my role so I was pretty shocked. Anyway I wrote a document stating the risks of not having my role and the legislation behind it and listed everything I do and sent it to head of HR who took it to the CEO! And this week they've told me they're reinstating the post thank goodness! They might downgrade it it the second phase but at least I have a job! But it doesn't make me feel like a very valued member of staff!

That also all happened while I was having my third IUI which resulted in another very early miscarriage and I've now been advised to have very expensive blood tests (immunes and clotting) and then maybe IVF! I was not expecting the Dr to say that so I'm in a bit of shock!

Plus two of my best friends are pregnant, which I'm very happy about but is just hard at the moment

I'm so sorry to hear about your job Diesy, that must be very stressful  

I'll go check out the Spain post now! 

Xxx

Edit: oooooh moved to Spain hehehe, that made me smile too


----------



## Diesy

Hi Notamuggle,

I remembered to come back this time!  Oh, that's hyper stressful about your job!  Hope it's sorted out now and stays a bit more level.  Not what you need.  Some companies just don't know what they are doing.  Well done for being proactive!

Have you thought of having your immunes stuff done through Serum?  It's not actually Serum, but they organise it.  Much, much, much more cost effective.  Clotting tests are good too, they should do them on the NHS, I got mine done and am lupus anticoagulant or whatever it is.  I need clexane for the duration.  The tipping point for NHS tests is 3 miscarriages or 3 IUI (I think).  I pushed the age thing and they did them on 2 and TTC time.

It's anybe time for IVF anyway, better to give an idea of what's happening but wait till after your blood tests.  I also did hidden 'C' to Serum, same Dr that does immunes, more just as an elimination thing.  Something's not quite right but I feel positive for you that something will come up now and get you on your way.

Haha, shall we move to Spain too?  Although the weather here is lovely.  I have to move now anyway, no job, no house.  Kinda not very happy about it.  My family aren't exactly supportive, can see no value in me whatsoever, but gotta find somewhere free to live asap.

I'm sorry to hear about the third m/c.  That really sucks.  A BFN is enough to cope with never mind that.  On the upside you're getting things looked into and you are but a young thing!  That's really recent too.  Be nice to yourself.  It must be tough with your friends being pregnant so make sure you make time for you and put yourself first.  We don't do enough of that.  Do something good for yourself too.  I have everything crossed that they identify a little easily treatable glitch that gets you back on the boat.  Until then, take good care!

Diesy xxx 

PS  It's kinda nice to be back here.  So much has been going on in the last wee while, I need here.


----------



## jend0906

Hi ladies can I join you here?

I'll read back from the beginning and then I'll update with my current situation. Looking forward to getting to know you all.


----------



## Diesy

Hi Jend0906, 

Of course, get stuck in   So you are getting blasts soon?  Very exciting!  Wow!  Looks like you've been on quite a trip, I really hope this one works for you!    

How's your weekend going?

Diesy


----------



## jend0906

Thanks for the welcome Diesy, I've read back a little. I see you're positive for lupus anticoagulant, I am too along with two other clotting factors. I'll be on clexane for this cycle too. What are your plans for treatment next?

NAM - I know you from the other thread. Glad the work situation is resolved! 

Ok so a but of history from me, I was told at 19 that I would have difficulty getting pregnant, so started trying around age 20. So that makes it 15 years in total on and off that I've been trying to conceive. I met my second husband in 2006, we married in 2009 and started our ivf journey pretty much straight after the wedding. He had two girls from a previous relationship, one (the eldest) that lived with us as her mother was a waste of space. The eldest made the decision at 8 years of age not to see her mum anymore and her mum gave up trying. So I was asked to take on the role of 'mum' which I did to boy her and her sister when she visited. We had lots of problems with social services in relation to the home life of the youngest which we're sort of resolved. My husband was a pig, didn't spend quality time with the girls, was emotionally, verbally and mentally abusive. He was a lazy father and a lazy husband. I did all of the day to day care of the kids, school meetings, parents evenings (while he lay in bed!!), medical appointments whilst I was working night shifts to raise the extra money needed for ivf. This became harder with the more miscarriages I had but I always put his kids first. 
Anyway last summer I'd had a fifth mc and was not coping well. I was diagnosed with sever depression and again got no support from him. I was prescribed antidepressants which gave him the excuse to blame me for everything "as it was me that was on the head pills". The medication helped me to recover, I took some time out from work as a paediatric nurse as it was just too difficult to look after other people's babies. Finally in August, I'd had enough and left him. He didn't deal with it well and turned the kids against me and I haven't seen or spoken to them since. Very hard at the time but now I know it's better to have a clean break from him.
Fast forward to now and I have been off the antidepressants since January and started my journey to carry on with treatment on my own. I was matched with a donor and had a full cycle this year, resulting in moderate OHSS but with 3 blasts frozen. I'm currently on my fet protocol and hoping that this is the one.

Apologies for the mammoth post, that's my journey up until now. I look forward to getting to know you all better


----------



## Diesy

Hey Jend0906,

Wow, it sounds like you have been doing a life marathon, it's so good to hear that you still have your peace of mind!  Good for you making a clean break but feel sorry for your step kids, it's horrible when adults manipulate kids, why can't people be grown up about stuff.  It must be rough on you missing them.    

So, not long now then to take off!  Next week even!  A lot of folks have more luck with frosties, I hope that goes for you too.  Fingers crossed!      

I'm on clex and anti D for negative blood type, or I will be.  Not sure when I'm going next, soon hopefully!

How many are you going to stick back in?  

Diesy


----------



## jend0906

Diesy, my life just completely changed so quickly, not just one thing but everything. It's coming up to a year now since I left so I'm feeling a bit reflective and sad if I'm honest. Although I don't miss him, the marriage was not a happy one for a long time, I miss what I wanted it to be if that makes sense?
Anyway, my life is in  no much better place now, I moved abroad, something I'd wanted to do for so long.

I'm on the countdown to lining scan now (Tuesday) and hoping it all looks good and on track, I've left no room for problems with travelling back to Jordan!! I debated for a while about how many to have put back but have decided on 2 if they thaw ok. I've laws had day 2/3 transfers, both fresh and frozen. Never had any problems with thawing before so hoping this time will be the same. Frosties have always been good quality too, I've actually gotten pregnant on evey single cycle that I had a transfer with, it's keeping them that is the challenge!!


----------



## notamuggle

Hey ladies!

How is everyone?

Good luck Jen  

Thanks for the advice Deisy, my GP has already done the lupus and some clotting ones, these are extra ones the GP won't do apparently! 

I have considered moving clinic but I like my clinic and importantly it's close to work so I can pop out in lunch breaks for tests etc which would be tricky if I went further away. 

I have another consultant follow in sept to discuss results and whether I need IVF which is pretty scary so I'm concentrating on loosing weight & just enjoying the next two months for now

If I do need IVF I may consider going abroad but I'm finding it a bit overwhelming to think about that yet! 

Hugs to you all xxx


----------



## Diesy

Good luck Jend0906, how was your lining scan?  Great to hear you are doing so well with all your changes, I guess when something is so wrong it feels better to move on.  Living abroad, sounds like a lovely change.  Hope it all went okay today.

Hi Notamuggle, how are you doing?  I think IVF is a bit more certain than IUI.  I've had one of each so not a complete expert but it was good to know when eggs fertilised and what grade they were as opposed to hoping they met some swimmers in a tube somewhere.  Just my perspective though. 

I'm struggling a bit.  I won't go into it, fall out from losing job.  I haven't taken decisive action soon enough, I'm very stressed.  A colleague died a few days after I lost my job and it really through me.  (Did I say that already?)  She was my age.  The last 5 weeks have passed in a blur and I haven't done enough or focussed on what I needed to.  I'm feeling a bit lost.  Anyways, I better go and look at the sums again.  Very emotional and unsettled.

Hope everyone else is having a good week - Diesy xx


----------



## jend0906

Diesy - sorry to hear things are so tough right now, it's really hard when so many things change/happen all at once. Hope things ease up over the coming days/weeks xx

NAM - ivf can be very daunting but the best thing is to be informed etc. Hope the appt in September comes around quickly and reassures you.

Afm - I left Miami and arrived in Manchester yesterday, very long journey. Lining scan today was perfect so ET is booked for Monday, right on schedule for my flight back to. Jordan on Tuesday! Have decided to go for single blast transfer due to the mc risk, my chances are already high with my history so think it's best.


----------



## BroodyChick

Best of luck JenD!
What a story you've had, you deserve a lucky break. So sorry about your step kids too xx

Diesy, that's just awful about your job and the colleague dying. Hope you're ok xx


----------



## Diesy

Sorry, think my turn to post but things are really difficult the now.

Thanks Broody, things a crap. :-(

How are you doing Jend?


----------



## RusskiHope

I've now exhausted all my research on IUI/IVF as I had my consultation at the IVF Riga clinic today. I had a very good meeting, it was very good to converse and understand it all in my mother tongue, I must admit. 
I had all tests under the sun which cost me €306 in total. Blood test results are due tomorrow. Dr V was very nice and understanding. She explained every test in such a great detail. I'm definitely drawn towards her and their clinic. 
She strongly suggested IVF which is around 2300-2400 Euros at their clinic, the price includes medication, doctors support, procedure itself and donor sperm. 
Then she actually suggested ICSI which will cost around 2700-2900 Euros and again includes the same items as for IVF. 

She talked about IUIs but really recommends IVF or ICSI as it's higher success rate etc I still somehow prefer IUIs first as it's less invasive. Would like to hear your views.

Again, I've now got all info from City Fertility in London and IVF Riga and will park this for a moment till I figure out when I'm ready for it. 

Russki


----------



## lucky2014

Hi Ruski,
I don't know all of your details but I had two IUIs with donor sperm and am now just post egg collection for IVF.  I wish I had gone straight to IVF although I'm not kidding - it is tougher than IUI  and of course more expensive, but I'm using donor sperm or perhaps more relevant is the fact it is frozen sperm.  The window to get an egg while still alive and thawed sperm while still alive to meet and do the business is very short and I don't think the timing was right at all on my first IUI. Frozen sperm lasts 12-24 hours, and an egg I believe lasts about the same, so you really want them to meet during their best 12 hours and thats so tricky with IUI. I had two inseminations on my second round of IUI and I did get a biochemical pregnancy so this is an option worth considering - the inseminations were at 20 and 44 hours after trigger that time. Of course IVF gets those hours matching much better. I didn't realise this and I spent 8k on the two IUIs all in (drugs, tests, sperm etc etc) - which would really have given me a second cycle of IVF.  I just wanted to share my experience and concern over timing of IUI. 

Lx


----------



## RusskiHope

Thank you, L. That's very interesting indeed and thank you for sharing. 
I'll read a little bit more about IVF/ICSI and will meet Dr V next month for more info about it.

Are you getting it all done in the UK? Which clinic? 

Russki


----------



## lucky2014

Yes I've been at the Lister (my IUIs were at the Bridge Centre). I would highly recommend the Lister.


----------



## Diesy

Hi All,

I haven't been posting for yonks but I'm struggling a bit and there isn't anywhere else to go. The same problems aren't getting solved and I feel like I've run out of time. Having been at this game a while I've never felt more isolated and not really knowing which way to turn. There are so many problems I'm out of answers and I don't even know how I'd list them if I was sitting down to a cuppa with any of you. I suppose they go like:

I'm too old
I'm broke and jobless again
I'm running out of anything that resembles hope
So I'm applying for jobs and every one has a 20% pay cut. Okay you say, not so bad, but I took a 20% pay cut for my last job and 25% for the one before that. It's just so depressing. 
I've started acupuncture, the guy is saying 8-12 weeks till I'm ready.
This weekend I have to prep and do samples (prob a least a week's work) for two interviews.
After acupuncture last week I've been having mini panic attacks.

I can't believe I'm still in the same situation no matter what I try! Things have got to be pretty tough for me to stop coping and I keep fizzing up to that point and then I manage to snuff it out a bit. Thinking about seeing an old colleague who does NLP but I don't want to weep all over him. One day at a time isn't working and I just keep fantasying about being in the place I had my last IVF.

That's me, as bloomin usual, I sound like a total loser but I'm so not! How did I end up here? 
Diesy


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## suitcase of dreams

sending some hugs diesy      
hope things start to look up for you soon, sounds like you are due a break 
thinking of you 
x


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## BroodyChick

Diesy, take a look at Sarah holland's website, she offers a free session of EFT by Skype, it's a very simple technique but very effective at banishing negative thoughts. Hope I'm explaining this right.
So sorry you're feeling rubbish and the job market sucks. I think the main thing you need right now is a bit of hope, and hopefully a chat with Sarah may offer you a glimmer of that. It helped me loads in any case.
Something scary happened to me today and I'm not sure I can trust this forum anymore so keeping a low profile for a bit but pm me if you have the need to chat xx


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## Diesy

Bit embarrassed about earlier post but I'm overdue a meltdown and im that busy trying to hold it together in my usual life.  I don't feel I can talk to my friends about it because it's a fertility thing and they don't really get it.  I suppose I've been holding it all in since August when the panic attacks really started.

So thanks Suity, hope the boys are doing well, how's work for you now?

Broody, I'll take a look thanks.  I've done Tapping before and it is good.  I need the big guns, I need to talk it out with someone but I actually don't know where to start or what to say.  Don't think I can afford he £80 fertility shrink.  But oh dear that doesn't sound like a good experience for you.  Bit concerned about that, I guess this is a public space.  Hope you're feeling better about it, thanks for the offer of a chat 

Diesy x


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## suitcase of dreams

nothing to be embarrassed about hun, that's what we're here for   
have you seen GP re panic attacks? I suspect there is v long wait for any kind of help/counselling on the NHS but might be worth getting yourself on that list? counselling really helped me at my lowest points on this ttc journey - was £45 per hour so not cheap (although better than £80) but it was money well spent to keep my sanity 
boys are good - currently removing imaginary monsters from the playroom and throwing them outside!!
work somewhat improved in that I only do 3 days a week. still can't stand the job, and my boss is a nightmare, but it's only 3 days and I just remind myself of how lucky I am to have a well paid job which affords me and the boys a nice lifestyle 
really hope things turn brighter for you soon, hang on in there, 
x


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## Diesy

Sounds like they are in training for spider catching and relocation!  As long as it's not to drafty, it'll be good to know that your home is monster free  
Oh the joys of a three day week, ideally I'd like a four day one to give me time to do my other job.  I've just been on dribbling fixed term contracts for over a year and it's really damaged my mental health.  Just when I was told my contract would end the girl who sat next to me in work dropped dead which was very upsetting and through me off tangent when I should have been getting focussed.  Shame your boss is a nightmare but yah for the decent wage!  I'm sick of not knowing what I'm going to be doing two months hence, that last job really wasn't a good move.  Defo need a change to something more interesting or secure.  But yip, hiding from the real problem which is getting another ?IVF.  I don't even think I can post about what I'm doing because of my age and the likelihood of it's chances.  Deep cleansing breath.  x


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## Altai

Diesy - joint commiseration. I'm in the same situation - have been made redundant twice in the last 10 years,  then number of fixed temp contracts but long, last ended end April and now out of work. At least managed to do 2 more Ivfs since then and now definitely broke. 
Sorry to hear about your collegue. 
Have y tried to look at short contracts? I think it would be easier to find. I'd been concentrating on perm but recently thought doesn't matter whatever if it helps to pay for ivf. I am paying on my own for all ttx. 
Have been planning to do a combo cycle oe/de in russia next year (hope to find job by then) and found out this morning that my coparent has been refused visa to russia. 

Suitcase - well done on getting a part- time job. 

Hope the rest are doing well.


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## suitcase of dreams

altai - some    for you too
Russian visas notoriously tricky to get - might be worth (if he hasn't already) your co-parent paying an agency to sort it all out for him...
good luck!
Suitcase
x


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## jend0906

Diesy - sorry to hear you're still struggling. I totally get the parts about treatment, I'm facing a 10th cycle now!!! I just find it so hard to think about still being in this situation 5 years (just the ivf part) and 9 cycles sown the line. 
Hope you manage to find the right counselling/help to help cope with things. Hope the jib situation improves soon too x


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## Diesy

Altai, that's just pants, thought it was just me.  I've been on short term contracts for the last 11, except for one job down south.  I've only had 18 months full time work since 2008 and then another 2 years part time.  Really grim.  Just gotta keep going.  I'm going to try the contracting thing, a friend of a friend is going to give me some tips.  Bad news about co-parent, are going to do?  When were you due to go?  Just wondering, are you on melatonin or high dose co-enzyme Q10?  

Jend, you need a break too!  At least you've been trying, really so sorry it hasn't worked, 10, that is really hard.  What/when/where/how?  

For us    

Diesy x


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## jend0906

Diesy - I've just started fet protocol ready to travel back to the uk in 3 weeks for ET. Out of the 5 transfers I had previously, I got a bfp on every single one. Then I had another fresh cycle with another OHSS, more severe than the first, then fet in August which resulted in a bfn for the first time. I have 2 frosties left for this fet, then I'm not sure what's next if this doesn't work. I've made the decision to not have any more fresh cycles due to the increasing likelihood (clinic did everything they could, made changes to protocol to avoid it, but still happened) and severity of OHSS.

I hope the contracting thing works out for you and you're soon feeling more settled x


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## Altai

Diesy - am sure y are no the only one. 
I was going to start my tx Jan next year. I had a short contract, supposed to be till end of Dec, unfortunately ended last week ,sooner than expected to add to all difficulties. So, will just have to step back and wait.
Not taking melatonin but took tons of other supplements/vits for the first 4 cycles, so much money spent & no result. im now taking ubiqunol 300, fish oil, folic acid only all high doses. 

suicase- we had thought itd be easy to get Russian visa. he applied directly and said tourism. Perhaps it was a mistake.

jen - that's tough. have y tried natural/modified or clomid ivf? fx crossed for this cycle.


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## suitcase of dreams

altai - hope you get it all sorted with visa
Russia notorious for complex process for visas. try this page for info:
http://ru.vfsglobal.co.uk/Tourist_docreq.html
need to make sure all correct supporting documents are sent and no errors at all on paperwork 
good luck!
Suitcase
x

/links


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## Altai

thank you suitcase - we are also requesting the letter from the clinic confirming ivf. Don't understand why did we think it'd be easy to get Russian visa?

dieay - hope job search goes well, am relentlessly applying hoping to sort it soon.


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## suitcase of dreams

altai - I've travelled to Russia a few times for work and it's always been a long and tricky process to sort out visas 
main thing is to follow the instructions to the letter and ensure all requested documents are provided
good luck with it
x


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