# adoption and culture, religion, and madness



## FS (Jan 2, 2008)

Hi,


I'm half Pakistani, half English, and my half Turkish, half English husband and I are interested in adopting.  Like many (though not all) people, we'd like to be able to adopt a baby, but I'm in my mid 40s and there aren't that many babies in the UK system to adopt.  So we've thought about going to Pakistan where there are more abandoned babies and children up for adoption and where, because of my background, I'm supposed to be eligible to adopt. But it's amazing, and ridiculous, how many obstacles authorities, wherever you are, put up to prevent adoptions that they consider 'inappropriate'.  In the UK, there's an assumption that the adoptive parents must bring up an adopted child in line with that child's 'cultural heritage'; but in my opinion a cultural heritage is something that's created by the parents of that child, not by some social worker or bureaucracy who's decided what that culture should be.  I'm half Pakistani, and my father was a Muslim, but I am not at all religious - in fact I'm an atheist.  Being half Asian, British, and non-religious, is my culture. If I had biological children of my own, I would bring them up to be good human beings, but I would let them choose their 'culture' - I certainly wouldn't force-feed them part of any culture that I personally believed to be detrimental or illogical - eg I wouldn't dream of arranging my child's marriage, as is often the culture in Asian or half Asian families.  But this doesn't mean that I am not half Asian myself.  So at what point does the state decide that I'm not Asian enough, and therefore not going to reflect a mixed heritage child's cultural needs?  My point is, we're all individuals, with our own brains, making our own decisions in life, so it seems wrong that a bureaucracy can dictate that people must bring up babies in line with 'cultural heritage', when cultural heritage itself depends upon an individual's choices.  Had I been up for adoption as a baby, and the same 'cultural heritage' stipulations been made, then I may have been brought up in a completely different way.  Would adoptive parents with a stronger emphasis on Asian heritage been better for me than my own parents who did not impose a heavy dose of Asian culture on me?  I don't think so.  And now on to the equally silly attitude of the Pakistani authorities - I've done some research, and it appears that one must be a Muslim in order to adopt from that country.  This strikes me as a really fundamentalist and discriminatory approach.  Were the UK authorities to ban adoptions by Muslims, or anyone on the grounds of religion, there would be uproar.  All these ridiculous rules about conforming to a specific 'culture' or belief system are outrageous.  There are children out there who need love, and a home, but the authorities are more concerned about making sure that parents conform to artificial constructs and superstitious beliefs!  The world has gone MAD!  I suppose my question in all of this is, has anyone out there adopted from Pakistan without having to prove that they're religious bigots?


----------



## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi, it's a slow and frustrating process. And oversees adoptions are expensive too. From the culture perspective there are lots of books out there with I depth studies on the importance of cultural identity in adopted children. From my reading of it, it seems to be more important to many adopted children because they are adopted and therefore have questions about where they came from and who they are. I don't know anything about adoption from Pakistan but am in the process of adopting a half sibling of our second son (also adopted), and she is dual heritage, while we are white. So been reading up on it for ourselves! 

Good luck!
Ruth


----------



## FS (Jan 2, 2008)

Hi Ruth,  Thanks for your post.  You're right, overseas adoptions are certainly expensive, but it's also expensive to do a domestic adoption through an agency, which is what we'd have to do.  We live in Hackney and, as you're probably aware, they were recently rated as the worst local authority in the country for adoption stats.  One of the private agencies went so far as to tell us to move house if we wanted to get things done efficiently!  
Back on the cultural identity theme: I know what you're saying, ie that cultural identify is more important to adopted children because they're adopted; but my point is not whether or not it's important, but WHAT exactly is the culture that social services decide is important?  Who decides what that cultural identity is?  Who's to say that any mixed race Asian/English child wouldn't have ended up with the same cultural identity as me?  How do social services decide that any baby would definitely have had cultural identity 'x', and therefore the adoptive parents must reflect this in their parenting?  There are lots of half Pakistanis who are just as liberal as me in my attitudes, but then there are just as many who are far less liberal.  So how do the social workers decide which of those cultural identities is the one that must be followed by the adoptive parents?  An adopted child yearning for some sort of cultural identity might get a culture imposed on them by social services that has no bearing on what either their birth parents or adoptive parents would have had in mind in the first place.  Anyway, enough of that - religious and cultural dogma puts me in a bad mood!
I'd be really interested to hear how you've been navigating all of this, even though I know you're in a rather different situation (ie you are not mixed heritage yourself whereas I am).  How did you decide to adopt a dual heritage child(ren)? and were the authorities difficult about it?  I'd love you to PM me, if you have time.
FS


----------



## apparition (Apr 20, 2007)

Hi 
you would think these things only effect intercountry or racial adoptions?

I Northern Ireland there is a Catholic list of children and a Protestant list and the social workers have to decide which one you fit.

I come from a mixed marriage and my husband and I aren't religious so who knows what will happen with us.

Good luck to you all.
Apps


----------



## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

FS said:


> Hi Ruth, Thanks for your post. You're right, overseas adoptions are certainly expensive, but it's also expensive to do a domestic adoption through an agency, which is what we'd have to do. We live in Hackney and, as you're probably aware, they were recently rated as the worst local authority in the country for adoption stats. One of the private agencies went so far as to tell us to move house if we wanted to get things done efficiently!


Have the private agencies told you it costs money to adopt through them? I think you may have misunderstood. If you adopt through a voluntary agency, the local authority placing the child pays them - not you.

I think that it may be possible for you to adopt a child under two who is half White British and for the other half of their ethnicity has some Asian or Middle Eastern ethnicity with a Muslim birth parent. I have no idea if they would be happy that you could introduce your child to Muslim culture without bringing them up in the Muslim religion but it doesn't hurt to ask.

As far as overseas adoption goes, I know some people are adopting from Bulgaria at the moment and again they may be happy with someone who is culturally (rather than religiously) Muslim. Many countries however count themselves as officially Muslim countries and as such only allow Muslim adopters. I guess there are big reasons why they shouldn't do that but that's the way it is. I have heard of a couple of people adopting from Morocco who were Muslim but I don't know if they were practising Muslim.


----------



## Iman (Oct 11, 2007)

" So how do the social workers decide which of those cultural identities is the one that must be followed by the adoptive parents?  An adopted child yearning for some sort of cultural identity might get a culture imposed on them by social services that has no bearing on what either their birth parents or adoptive parents would have had in mind in the first place "

In some cases, if not many cases , it will be down to what the wishes of the birth parents are/were. For our children, their Muslim father and non-Muslim mother BOTH requested they be raised as Muslim. So this is what SS looked for, when searching for a family. They also requested some other factors about the prospective adoptive parents. Although many birth parents lose their right to parent or are incapable of parenting, this does not necessarily mean they lose all decisions about their child's future. Many request that their children keep their names for instance, and this has to be abided by. In other cases, where there is no wish made by the birth parents for whatever reason but 2 prospective cultures, SS will look for people matching both and then go with whichever couple (or single) is the best match for the needs of the child taking into account all factors - including willingness to support the 'other' culture and of course, support network.  With all due respect, saying things like 'religious and cultural dogma puts me in a bad mood' is not going to help your situation in terms of finding a child because you may end up having to actively support a religion or culture and do so positively and appropriately - certainly its something SW would want to explore with you
. 
Also to echo Thespouses, if you go through an agency to adopt in the UK you do not have to pay. You will only pay for a medical and in some cases, you might get this free (varies from GP to GP). Otherwise, there is no cost involved. 

If you want to find out more, it may be worth you visiting the BAAF site and even speaking to someone there, or of course, contacting an agency and having a chat.


----------

