# Birthday ideas?!!



## Mummy Noodles! (Mar 31, 2010)

Hi all! Dawned on me tonight that we have a very important birthday coming up!!!!  


Our Lo has his 3rd birthday at the end of Feb. He has been with DH and I for 6 months. He is very settled and happy within the whole family. A gorgeous, chatty boy when in his comfort zone. He's been attending  a play group for the last 3 months, once a week for 2 hours. However at this age he doesnt really 'play with' others. He does love soft play .... so maybe an idea?? Org a child's entertainer? Mmmm.. I think he'd be upset by this


He really doesn't know very many other 3 year olds/ children as I have been concentrating on getting to know him and introducing our families. Thus unsure what to do for his bday. He is quite shy and doesn't like loads of attention. I myself was brought up with lots of bday parties/games/music ... and want to do the very BEST for him. What are your experiences and I'd really appreciate ANY advice. Feeling the pressure Girls - it's so important to me that he really enjoys his day.. Hope this ramble makes sense! I have been so focused on Santa coming!!!  Lol!!


Thanks XXX


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## Loopylou29 (Mar 4, 2013)

Hi

Our lo was with us a similar length of time before his 3rd birthday.  We had a tenpin bowling party as there with kids aged from 3-10. It worked well as everyone was the same during the bowling. A fuss was made over lo when it was time to eat but only in terms of were to sit, the cake and party bag. Our lo loved it as he needs structure otherwise he gets hyper.

We've also done soft play at a wacky warehouse but not one of their parties. We paid for the kids to eat and play. Staff decorated the table for us and brought out the cake. It worked out bettertfor us both ffinancially and enjoyment for the kids.

We will do a proper party with games and music etc but its not right for us at the moment. Hard to give advice as each child is so different.  Pick something he really likes or would like and plan it from there is how we did it.

Good luck


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

Our LO just had his 2nd b'day and we went to soft play which was great. I ordered a cake topper off amazon and a friend made a basic sponge which we put it on. Dinner was free with each child's ticket so didn't bother with the party deal either. Lots of fun had by all, low cost and low stress.


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## gettina (Apr 24, 2009)

I can't give any advice from the adoption pov - although my top of head response would be to keep him in his comfort zone so he can be relaxed and enjoy the day so I guess that would a relatively low key family day - maybe extended family? 

Also I was a. Quite shy and b. Had my birthday in school holidays so class parties were difficult so most of my birthdays were family only but with cousins and an aunt and uncle but even if they hadn't been there I would have still had special days - lots of fuss, some kind of treat and my fave foods etc. IMO you defo don't need to have 20 or so other children there to celebrate.

Hope you all have a wonderful day.
Gettina
Xxxx


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

We didn't have a party for Wyxling's birthday - she just doesn't like being the complete centre of attention in that way and I knew that all the other Mums and Dads paying her lots of attention would just make her incredibly shy, which would then lead to her going totally off the wall because she was so stressed.  

We had some close family come for presents and a meal but it was quite a chilled day insofar as it could be and we made sure we got a big stomp outside to help her calm.  Family meal, and then bedtime routine as normal ignoring all relatives.  We were very clear with family that they needed to pay attention to our son as well, and talk to each other, not just all focus on Wyxling for the whole day (which really doesn't work well for her) and it was a fairly relaxed family get together in the end (both sets of grandparents and her aunt).

I also wanted some "us" time for her birthday, so in the morning I took her out to a local pot painting cafe and we had great fun together finger painting a plate which is now her new dinner plate instead of the plastic ones she used to use.  It was a lovely little bit of "us" time and really helped to have that before family arrived and it all became chaos.

All the best whatever you decide, and I hope it's a lovely day.


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## Poppets Mammy (Mar 7, 2011)

When poppet had her 3rd birthday she had been home 4 months. We had close family and friends time slots for the Saturday before her birthday to ensure there wasn't too many people in the house at once. We had a sort of all day party buffet and balloons etc and ppl came and left. We only had those she had met previously and was ok around however she still found the whole thing overwhelming. She was starting to show signs of finding it hard before ppl even started arriving, it was the actual birthday concept that was getting to her. We spoke to SW's after the event to see if something had previously happened on one of her birthdays that could of caused such a reaction and we couldn't find anything. In the end we concluded that perhaps she's had contact with BF around a birthday or it had triggered a memory of her last birthday with FC and perhaps it just stirred some emotion up inside her. We really hadn't expected it and did what we could to have a low key birthday as to not overwhelm her but also do enough to mark the occasion and let those who wanted to give her gifts do so. 
It's a tricky business when all we want to do is show them off and spoil them rotten and shower them with gifts - but not all children will appreciate it. Hope you find the right balance for you and your family and have a fantastic time together.
Should note that poppet has displayed some unhappy emotion around birthdays in general not just her own and we still haven't worked out what the cause is but there's obviously something that just doesn't sit right with her. I don't think all LO's have that and don't mean to imply that yours will, just wanted to give another perspective.


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Hi,

We didn't do a party as like Wxyie our LO can't cope with all that attention. We turned ours into a birthday weekend where his actual birthday was just DH and I and we went to a big animal park about an hour away from ours and he had a blast. On the Saturday we had a family meal out at a place we had been to a good few times and only close family. The Sunday another few relatives had times to come over for those who wanted to give him their present. This seemed to work well (meal was a disaster) and I'm sure family thought we were mad for suggesting this way but we know he just couldn't cope with a full on party. 

Funnily enough we've been to others bd parties at soft play etc and he can cope with this but were able to focus on him and stay very close with no one trying to get our attention.

Hope you have a fab time whatever you do.

PM - I'd heard if this before, I wonder if poppet has understood enough about her life story so far that birthdays have her thinking about other aspects of her life as I know you've said she's quite clever. Hugs x


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## Poppets Mammy (Mar 7, 2011)

Gertie - It's an unusual reaction she has, although I have to say it has improved each time there's a birthday which we have a lot in our family during Sept and Oct so was plenty opportunity to work with her. Not long after her birthday she got her life story book and would look at it both with us and alone and ask questions, this went on for some time becoming less frequent until she just doesn't bother with it anymore now. It's in her bedroom and she has access to it but she seems to of got what she can out of it for the time being. She doesn't remember her FC's when mentioned which I find really strange as she has a good memory, it's almost like she's deleated the memories but she still has emotions related to those experiences if that makes sense? We had no useful advice from SS regarding it, we've just had to try and work it out and deal with it ourselves. I think she gets a bit emotional when ever there's a first within her new family, so her first birthday with us, our first birthdays, her first Halloween with us etc so I'm anticipating a bit of a rocky first Christmas with us. Hopefully next year when she's been with us longer and it's all a bit more familiar she'll not get the overwhelming emotions.


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

I think you've hit the nail on the head re 1sts - it might just be a lot go do with the unknown. Sounds like you're doing an excellent job working with her. I said this on another post but I heard Holly Van Gulden talk previously about permanence and how "our kids" seem to visibly relax when they've been home 1yeR and then again when they've been home longer than any other placement. I like to think if it like our own relationships with OHs - the 1st year is full of 1st birthdays together, holidays, relatives & Xmas/NY. Hope you get a nice Xmas and Poppets not too upset. I'm in same boat re worries etc but I know even with a calm peaceful Xmas it is 10times better than any other as I have my beautiful boy here to share it with DH and I :-D
X


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## Poppets Mammy (Mar 7, 2011)

Thanks Gertie   it's hard for our LO's isn't it. So much for them to go through in their little lives with the limited understanding that young children have. No wonder they get a little muddled and overwhelmed from time to time.
I've been doing more Santa duty tonight wrapping yet more presents and I'm starting to stress about where on earth we are gonna put it all once she's opened them   it's hard enough trying to hide them in any little space we can find. I think I need to accept that our house is gonna be bedlam with toys everywhere for a while until we find homes for everything   xx


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## Wyxie (Apr 10, 2013)

Wyxling found Christmas really tough last year too.  It's all to do with excitement and routine break triggering stress, but with littlies they don't understand why they're stressed by things that are out the ordinary for them.  Routine = stability and stability is what they really need because of the disruptions and particularly previous moves .  Predictability gives them the reassurance that they're not going anywhere.  Disruptions to routine really mess with this and Christmas is without doubt the most disrupted time of the year.  Children like Wyxling who have issues with regulation also really struggle with excitement as they often can't come back down again very easily and the excitement is also incredibly stressful.  Before we adopted we were told by several people involved in assessment and prep that Christmas often wasn't a good time for adopted children, and sadly I can really see that now.  Having said that, Wyxling has coped (not coped well, but coped) with the last few days which have been incredibly hectic and stressed, with big disruptions to her normal routine for nursery christmas concert, visiting friends and family etc, and she is doing OK and we have had a lot of good time.  We have also, sadly, had the first big kick off where she's tried to hurt me for several weeks, closely followed by the second.  It was only a little thing, really, and I know I should keep it in perspective, but I always struggle when we have a good patch and then a worse one again with a regression in behaviour.  I can't say that I'm not upset by this and worried about what Christmas will bring, but I do think it'll bring good time as well this year.  Although I feel guilty saying it, in all honesty last Christmas was not a happy time for anyone in our house.

We warned family last year about going overboard on presents and fuss etc and they totally ignored us, and the massive big deal they made out of Christmas for a 2 year old who didn't really understand or care, was not helpful.  This year, I am very hopeful things will be different.  Bladelet will definitely love Christmas, that's just the way he is, and I'm really hopeful of a good one for Wyxling too, although I suspect she'll be difficult afterwards when it all calms down, I'm hoping not too much so.

Best wishes for everyone.

Wyxie xx


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## Mummy Noodles! (Mar 31, 2010)

Thanks everyone for the advice!   I actually got a lot out of not being the only one stressed about 1st birthday/ christmas...I thought it was just me and DH who stressed about all these new things with Us. We have more or less decided on a soft play party as he loves soft play. I think the main thing is to keep our boy calm and feeling safe. Lots of attention can sometimes be too much for him!!


Wyxlie - loved your plate idea...so together...will try and think of something like this.   


Lol Noodles xx


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## Mummy Noodles! (Mar 31, 2010)

Well Ladies...thought I'd update you all as you're collective advice spot on....our LO had a brilliant birthday!!!!!!! In fact Id go as far as to say -- I think it was one of the BEST days of MY life!!!!!!


We made a memorable cup from acrylic paints(?) with lo name and age - as a family this gave us time together = lovely
Then soft play. DH & I taking it in turns to play with LO
Then all family round for a little celebration !! (15 of us)


Our LO managed to do all of this. He was a little annoyed at one point (strain of too much happening) But honestly this lasted about 3 minutes....All day he was confident, happy and his usual charming, amazing self.


We feel so, so blessed...


HAPPINESS. Love Mummy Noodles xxx


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

So lovely glad you had an amazing day x x


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

Excellent day all round then  x


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