# Failed ISCI and people carrying on as normal



## Rin (Mar 22, 2005)

Hi

Sorry to moan on but feel the need to let off steam.  Just had our 4th and final attempt at ICSI and got yet another negative result on Thursday after I started bleeding on day 13.  I stayed off work Thursday and Friday as felt like I couldn't face my colleagues as they all knew that we were having fertility treatment.  

I have come in today and it is as though everybody is either trying to stay out my way or if they do speak to me they are carrying on as normal as though nothing has happened.  Only 1 person has said they are sorry to hear what happened.  I have had comments like 'isn't it lovely weather today' and 'did you have a good weekend'.  I feel like saying 'you can mention the IVF you know'.  I know some people find it hard to know what to say but even if they can carry on as normal I can't as inside feel like I am dying with the hurt of another negative.  To make matters worse a woman in my department is pregant after only trying for a couple of months and keeps moaning how worn out with pregnancy she is.  Feel like screaming at her 'I will swap'.

Sorry to moan on. Just finding it hard to cope at the moment.


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Awwww Rin sending you huge ((((hugs)))) hun it's hard enough facing a BFN without everyone making you feel like a leper (sp?) too. I wish there was someway we could get people to understand how it feels to have fertility problems (without them having problems too) then maybe everyone would be a bit more sensitive. don't appologise for letting it out either hun  as this is the place to let it ALL out  take care, and post anytime you need to 

pam xx


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## suzy2204 (Sep 20, 2006)

Hi Rin,

I hope you don't mind me joining you, but I was reading your post and I  know exactly how you feel!!
It is very difficult to carry on as normal when all you want to do is hide away and  
I went into work today, but one of the girls that I work with has actually had IVF and she fell pregnant on her 2nd cycle.  Some people are just luckier than others I guess. 
I made enquiries about adoption today, but they don't let you start the process until you have finished with fertility treatment.
We are going to try again later in the year which gives us a little break.  

I hope you start to feel better soon, but I know it's not easy and it just takes time.  I feel like every time it fails, another part of me dies.

Take care
Suzy


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## Rin (Mar 22, 2005)

Thanks Susie and Pam.  It helps to know there are some people out there who know how I feel.  Feel very alone at the moment even though my D/H is brilliant and really supportive. Don't feel as bad when with him as I know he is feeling the same as me so we can support each other.  

Good luck with the adoption Susie.  We looked into it briefly before our last treatment and I was told you can't start the process of adoption until 12 months after your last IVF to give you time to get over if (if we ever do get over it) but then another adoption agency told me you don't have to wait with them so think it depends who you go to.

Catherine x


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## bodia (Apr 27, 2005)

Hi Catherine,

Firstly   Really sorry to hear about your BFN. It's so tough.
I know no one knows what to say, but I think to try to acknowledge that something massive is going on, is at least a start! I have a friend who's younger brother died recently and she says the hardest thing is lots of her friends don't even ask her anymore how she is. She says even if she doesn't want to speak about it, it's nice to know she can. I think it's the same with IF.

All I can say is, try to find a friend who will listen and who will treat you normally whilst still enquiring about you and IF. And come on here and rant all you like....there are always people here who totally understand!

Sending you love and strength,

xxx


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## Rin (Mar 22, 2005)

Thanks Bodia.  That is awful that people won't approach your friend but suppose people are afraid of death and talking about it.  My manager told me last week that a few colleagues had asked her what they should say to me as didn't want to upset me and she told them to give me some space for a while to come to terms with things. She thought she was doing right telling them that so can't be angry with her  .  

Catherine x


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## blondieh (Dec 15, 2005)

Rin i am very sorry you feel like this, i know it hurts when people ignore you, when i got pregnant and then lost them both times i became that leper! Please look after your self and take time to heal all my thoughts are with you Blondie x


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