# singles chat night feedback



## bingbong (Dec 9, 2008)

Hi Ladies,


We've been doing a single ladies chat night on a Thursday night at 7pm for a while now and although some weeks it's quite quiet it's going really well. What I'm really aware of is that the large majority of people coming into chat are those with little ones, this means that when some of you ttc come in there is a fair bit of baby talk. 


I wondered if this was effecting you and whether you were not coming into chat because of this? I'd really like your feedback, either here or via pm if you'd prefer as I want to make singles chat available to everyone. One possibility is that we have specific single ladies chat night with no baby talk, we could maybe do this once a month and see how it goes? Or are you all happy as it is? Please let me know!!


 


bingbong x


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## aimless1 (Aug 14, 2010)

Hello!
The only reason I have never joined in is I can't find it! Whenever I open the chat room page it just seems to be blank. Talk of babies wouldn't put me off personally. I find it encouraging that there are so many success stories!
Amy x


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

Bingbong - you're doing a fab job hosting us lot! Thank you   


I just don't get time tbh to pop in.  I don't mind the pregnancy / new mum chatter - but it can be hard to join the conversation sometimes.  


Hey - we've got the common theme of being single - so that's main thing   


Take care Tis xx


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## Bambiboo (Oct 23, 2009)

Slightly different reasons BB, but I find it a bit hectic. I find it hard to follow a conversation with all the posts coming up all at once.  Only been on a couple of times but it's given me a headache! Which is a shame as I enjoy it and there really isn't anything that can be done as it's because it's busy it happens!!!  Also by tine Boo in bed got lots to do!! 

Xx


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## bingbong (Dec 9, 2008)

Thanks so much for your feedback Aimless and Tis, much appreciated. Aimless have a look at this thread and hopefully it'll help you so that you can get into chat http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=177702.0

Bambiboo I understand your problem! I think that you do get used to it but some weeks it's quiet with only three or four of us chatting so it's really easy to keep up, other weeks there's more and then it gets hectic so you could pop in to see what's going on, would be lovely to see you there 

bingbong x


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## DZWSingleMumma (Nov 18, 2010)

Thank you for hosting this!  It's been amazing when we can make it.

Dawn


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## GIAToo (Nov 8, 2009)

It's my Thursday night treat!    Happy to have some nights where there is no baby talk though if people want to talk about treatment etc.  Happy to help out and answer questions.  Sometimes I just log in 'cos I want a bit of company!   
GIA Tooxxx


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## even (Apr 15, 2012)

I'm glad i've noticed this thread (I don't spend much time browsing threads at all).  As some ppl are saying that sometimes it's busy, and baby talk could be an issue, maybe we can just suggest that baby-talkers move to the Lounge/Party Room or whatever when it gets busy?

To be honest, i do find it an issue when the chat is just baby talk and there's not much support for those of us who are still childless, and maybe face other problems too.  I would appreciate it if the focus was kept on helping people first and foremost, as in this day and age there are loads of ways to communicate with people if you just want to be social.  I'm not just saying this for myself, for example, the other day someone came into single ladies chat and she was new and didn't stay long.  I tried to make her feel welcome but was in the middle of doing something else, but most the other ppl in the chatroom seemed happy to carry on their happy babytalk and say no more than a "hello" to this new person.  For all we know she could have been at the absolute end of her tether.


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

abacusnexus - I think the whole point of having the chat night is for all of us, no matter where we are on our journey, to meet and chat about everything and anything.

If pregnancy chatter is too much, then perhaps one of the other chat nights is more suitable? The common link we have is that we are all single. There is a newbie chat night on Wednesdays - for all newbies to FF. There's also a Weight Management chat night, so you can see that FF tries to cover all bases. By all means no one will force anyone to stay in chat if they feel uncomfortable - that's not what we're all about. We're here to support "everyone". Some members just like to come in and "people watch", I know that's what I used to do.

We must also remember that being a single mum is darn hard too, may be one of the mum's came in and is struggling, but finds just chatting to other mums gives her the much needed support she needs. New mum's need just as much support as anyone else, especially if the Singles board is their main support network.

Bingbong has done a fabulous job setting up the chat nights and giving up her time (we are all volunteers with busy lives outside of FF - honest  ) to support us in chat.

If you want to move to another room - by all means do so, but may I suggest that you ask the person in a "private conversation", I was a little put out being openly asked to move to the lounge to chat. That could make a new person feel singled out and under the spot light. (My chat screen name is mini minx  )

Bingbong - thank you for hosting the chat nights - don't get a chance to come in often but was lovely to catch up with everyone and hear all the exciting news.

Tis xx


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## bingbong (Dec 9, 2008)

Tis thank you hun 

Abacusnexus thank you for your feedback. The singles chat is open to all single ladies on FF, whether they are yet to have tx, are currently having tx, are pregnant or have children. Because of that talk about all those areas is to be expected in the single ladies chat room on a Thursday night. As you will have seen at the start of this thread I have offered to host a single ladies ttc chat night with no pregnancy or baby chat, however there was no interest in this so it is not viable at the moment to do that unless more interest in that happens. I think that the ladies in the singles chat are normally very good at including everyone, but when the large majority of those present have children it is inevitable that talk will sway in that direction, and as Tis said being a single mum is hard work and at times very isolating so it is important that people have the opportunity to share about that. As you say a big part of the single ladies chat night is to offer support, but it is important to remember that ladies in all stages need support. If you feel that you need more support without the baby talk then I would suggest that you talk to the ladies in general chat where baby chat is kept to a minimum, and then move into other rooms as suits. Currently there is no themed chat night for those awaiting treatment or ttc but if you feel that that (or another themed chat) would help you then can I suggest that you post here http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=290374.new#new to show your interest. I hope that helps.

bingbong x


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## morrigan (Dec 8, 2009)

I enjoy chat nights when I can get on- I think to be honest that the fact most singles don't have fertility issues makes it slightly different than other areas of ff- I know there are those of us who discovered there are fertility issues and it may be those people who find baby talk hard but as others have said there are plenty of other areas for that support.

Maybe we could have first hour free of bsby talk or something - maybe we should think about having a program of themes eg Iui, ivf, donor egg tx abroad etc so those looking for info on specific area can be sure to find someone who could answer questions.

If I'm perfectly honest I'd find it extremely rude if someone asked me to go off to a different room. I think the conversation is perfectly easy to send in a different direction - it helps if it's led by specific questions - I just hope everyone feels able to just wade in and ask.

Great job your doing bingbong


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## suitcase of dreams (Oct 7, 2007)

I think the conversation tends to be led by who is in chat, and generally (I'm not there every week but from my recent observations at least) the majority of people in there are those who are already lucky enough to have little ones

I wonder if this may be because we are the ones who have been around FF longer and are more aware of chat. Many of us have also met in person and I do believe it's a) easier and b) more compelling to chat online with people you have met in real life...it's like an extension of that friendship if you know what I mean

So I'm wondering if we need to do a bit of awareness raising and recruitment amongst those ttc, who are probably newer to the site, less aware of chat, and less likely to come and talk to a bunch of virtual strangers (in both senses of virtual!) on a Thursday evening
That way we'd have more balance and conversation may be more likely to cover a broader range of topics from ttc through to parenting and all the other every day chit chat too   

I am always more than happy to try and help others starting out, and always try to respond to posts on here asking for advice - if I feel I have some meaningful advice to give at least! But if they don't come into chat, it's hard to turn the conversation that way when there are more people chatting who already have little ones

Hopefully we can strike the right balance moving forwards. I always enjoy a chat on Thurs eve and would hope that everyone else can get the same level of enjoyment

Thanks BB for hosting, it's much appreciated    Chat to you tonight!
Suitcase
x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

sorry i haven't been in chat for ages and ages as I have had no wifi (darn orange) and I can access internet but not chat with my dongle- but I think I have wifi again!! 

I know Carole and some of the Main chat hosts do newbie sessions in general and I have always found people helpful in chat to people who say i'm new.  If it gets too busy or people want smaller chats there are other rooms people move to, as some find it hard to keep up with the conversations if there are a dozen people chatting as the posts zoom by!!

Pop and say hello.  I think like suit says it is often people who have been around and know each other that chat- I remember when we had our v first single and LGBT chat hosted by Aweeze years ago.

Good luck and happy chatting x


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## even (Apr 15, 2012)

It seems like there's been a bit of a hostile reaction to my post and I'm not sure why. I'm not saying "this is how it should be", I know it's not my place to say that, I'm just saying that for me, personally, I find it a bit difficult and I'm concerned about how it does/could affect others who are in a worse position than me.

Several ppl who have posted on this thread have said that chat is difficult to use when there are lots of ppl in the room and as bingbong's original post was about tcc'ers possibly being put off by parent talk, it seemed sensible to suggest that when there are lots of ppl in the room all posting, that we split up along tcc/parent-talk lines and one group go into one of the spare rooms as JJ1 says happens in general chat. I wouldn't mind which group moves and which stays.

Thank you Suity for your suggestion and if you or anyone has time to canvas single tcc'ers then I'd be grateful. I'm really happy to spend a bit of time doing it if you show me how. I've worked in the voluntary sector all my life so I appreciate the time that ppl give up for this website. As I think I mentioned before, I hardly ever browse the forums and I suspect that's true for a lot of users so there may well be enough single tcc'ers out there to have a chat session. I have followed bingbong's advice and posted on http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=290374.new#new

I asked mini minx if she wanted to move to another room as, from memory, I'd already established that the rest of the chatters were parents (the talk was about babies/kids and I'd asked "is everyone in the room a parent?") and mini minx said she wasn't a parent (as I remember) and I was concerned that mini minx might be new and a bit put off by the parenting chat. If I had been aware it was you Thetis I might not have felt the need to do that as I already knew that you seem to be an established member of FF and I assume established members will already feel at home generally. I did think about asking mini minx in a pm but didn't partly because I thought it would be understandable that tcc'ers might want to move to a different room to those talking about parenting and partly because my computer's slow at opening the pm window sometimes.

I hope there are ways that work for everyone.
Ab nex


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

abacausnexus - no one is having a go or being hostile - We're just trying to point out that whilst there are those struggling to conceive there are also those ladies who maybe struggling with being a single mum.  
2 sides to a coin etc ...  

We are here to support everyone    

Tis x


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## cocochanel1 (Oct 15, 2009)

Hello all - I think there must be a way to make chat work for everyone and sometimes one of the problems with written text is mis-understandings can happen.

Bing Bong you have done a fantastic job of getting us all together on chat and as someone who hasn't been able to join in for ages due to children and work I really enjoyed popping on briefly last week - thank you for all that you have done.

I can see how it could be hard for those still trying to listen to lots of parent talk and that those still trying may want the option of a separate chat room sometimes. Perhaps Abnex you could moderate such a room as Bing has done and then there is that option?

Obviously I am not a regular user of the chat room and have only read this thread briefly so may have completely missed the point! Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick - I come in peace!!

I remember how hard it was when struggling to conceive for 3 years and that was when I already had a child so goodness knows how much harder it must be if it is no 1 you are trying to conceive. It is also more tricky if you feel everyone else is already very good friends - even as a member of the almost 'original' crowd there are times when I feel a bit out of the conversation because perhaps I haven't logged on for a while & I have lost track etc. as time is so limited these days and mostly when I have finished with children, work and jobs I just fall into bed.... zero social life! I guess what I am trying to say is lets find a way to make it work for everyone which is why Bing Bong asked for feedback in the first place. Abnex I think your suggestion may be a solution......

Hugs all round.

Coco xxx


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## aweeze (Nov 8, 2005)

Another option would be to alternate weeks - 1 wk singles ttc, next wk, single parenting. All can join it just means that there is a clear expectation of what the chat can be about.  

Or it could be run to a loose agenda - welcome and orientation for newbies for first half hour, ttc chat for next hour, parenting for next hour and then free chat for those that want to stick around. That would mean those that are sensititive to baby talk would know when the "safe" window was. If conversations weren't finished when it was time to change subjects, those people could pop into other rooms. 

Just a couple of thoughts.............


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## Rose39 (Dec 9, 2007)

Lou, that's a great suggestion - maybe combine newbies/ TTC at the beginning, and then if nobody joins who is TTC, the conversation can move on. I think one of the challenges here is that we only usually get one or 2 ladies who are TTC at the most joining chat (not sure why, maybe because it's easier to chat if you have been to one of the meets and know who you're talking to?), and sometimes no-one, whereas for those of us who are parents or pregnant tend to schedule Thursday evenings as our regular keep in touch night (which can be a sanity preserver if you have been on your own all day with a LO, or if you have a concern that you want to ask advice on in a more interactive way). It would be great if we had more ladies who are TTC join chat, so that ladies who are at the same stage in their journey can share experiences and make friends. At the moment, it tends to be a Q&A session for one or 2 people at the most who are asking questions of the ladies who are parents, so it's less of a chat session, more of an advice giving session.
If there are any ladies who are starting out on their journey or currently having treatment, what could we do to make it easier for you to join chat? Is chat useful for you, or do you get everything you need from the discussion threads?
Rose xx


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## Mellie289 (Dec 9, 2011)

I popped into the chat room once -- I'm a TTCer and everyone there had babies already, but I was feeling a bit like I was adrift at the time and the ladies were so welcoming and supportive. Yes, probably mostly advice rather than chat. I wish I could join regularly, but I'm on the US west coast and I'm at work at that time, unfortunately.


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## bingbong (Dec 9, 2008)

Thank you everyone for your feedback and suggestions. Much appreciated. Please pm me if you have further feedback.


bingbong x


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