# Singles Newbie Thread, post here to get started - part 5



## Sharry

Welcome! 

This thread is a starting point for anyone that wants to join us here on our Single Women's Board! 

It can be pretty daunting making that first post so this is an ideal place for it. You'll find a warm welcome awaiting you - we have a great bunch of people on here!


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## Blueestone

Hi all!

Just reaching out to see if there's anyone having de and is single? I'm currently on the verge of staring my first de cycle and am single...lots of things whizzing around in my mind and thought a thread for us would be good??


Is there anyone out there!
Blue x


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## Hbkmorris

Ah Blue, 

I'll be the first to say, woohooooo, how exciting!!! I'm with you single, still pushing on continuing to try to full fill my dream. May we all be bumped up at Chrimbo time xx


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## Vicbaby

Hi I'm in Athens and did my second transfer Wednesday . It will be good to have a singles thread !


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## Blueestone

Hey hbk and Vic!!

Glad we have each other - lets get this thread going!!

I think we need this thread as we singles need to stick together!

Blue x


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## Blueestone

Oh I'm suprised this has been merged as most singles start out with AI or iui then IVF then DE - seems like this isn't a first step newbie post x


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## MissMayhem

Hi guys, I've not posted for a while as have been embroiled in the mess that had become my marriage. Despite my better judgement I trusted that my husband would finally step up to the plate and support me in my last ever own egg cycle, instead he left me the day I started medication and the whole thing had to be scrapped. I was devastated. Still am. I guess I'm looking for a bit of support from those of you who've been in a similar situation. How did you begin to cope? Again, it's yet another loss, not just of a person who you loved and thought would always be with you, but the loss of a future and a dream. I'm doing better than I thought I would but could do with knowing I'm not alone.xx


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## uncertainty81

Hello
I'm new to this site. I've just recently had my first IUI cycle with donor sperm (I'm 35)- thought I'd say hi! 
Charley xx


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## sidl02

Well I'm surprised to find myself writing this on two counts.  Firstly, I never for one minute thought I'd be dealing with infertility and facing a life without children.  
And secondly, had I been told this would be a journey I would have to take as a single 41 year old woman I would never have envisaged seeking help and support from women on this forum that I don't know, as I would have been confident that I had enough close and supportive friends to help me through.  Well we never stop learning I guess.  After recently finding out my dreams of conceiving were over (9 months ago), I am still in the early stages of trying to come to terms with everything. It's hard. Very hard. Before this 4 year fertility journey I would have said I was a strong, independent, tolerant and caring person.  My friends would probably describe me as patient, stable, rationale and calm.  But that has all changed and due to the difficulty in this journey I probably have changed as a person.  I hope this is temporary and all part of the grieving process.  But I now find myself less tolerant and in situations where the old me wouldn't normally have felt the need to react, I've found myself becoming a lot more outspoken.  I can't say that I like the new me but equally I have little control over my emotions these days.  I put this down to frustration and grief.  I've always been able to deal with whatever life has thrown at me.  I've been able to look at a situation and fix it. But I can't fix this and thats a powerless feeling that I'm struggling to deal with. The thing is, because my friends know me as a calm, quiet, patient and level headed person, they probably don't recognise me anymore.  To be honest I don't recognise myself.  But whilst I feel like I'm crying out for their help, support and understanding, they appear to think I'm acting either overly sensitively or like I've lost my mind.  Which only adds to my frustration and isolation.  When I do things that I perceive as expressing an opinion or react to things I feel are wrong they make me feel like I'm just being overly sensitive, or put it down to 'where my head is at' or I'm overreacting.  Even when I'm in the right, I feel like I'm in the wrong for expressing myself.  I guess it's because they aren't used to it and this side of me is unfamiliar.  I just feel that whatever I do or say I am being judged due to my 'fragility'. Maybe I have overreacted on occasion. But wouldnt those closest to you recognise your pain and want to help you, as I have done on numerous occasions for them?  The hardest part is my best friend of 25 years, and the one person I thought would understand and want to help me, is the person that makes me feel worse.  Ironically, I have forged friendships with people who I've only just met who seem to understand me more.  It just leaves me questioning, am I alright and just displaying behaviour foreign to me and those around me due to my grief, or are they right and I've gone a little bit nuts?


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## Tincancat

Hi Sid102 

You could be writing my story a few years back.  Have you told anyone at all about your fertility journey? It's a huge burden to carry on your own the grieving of your own genetic children.  I too was a 'give me a problem and I'll fix it' sort of person.  Over the years I've accepted I can't fix what nature and life throws my way.  You have recognised there is a problem with how you are reacting to people and it's the first steps you are talking to putting this right but this time I'd say you don't know where to start? 

You give little of your infertility story are you able to share more with us here?  Are you really sure it's over?  I'm not the only solo mum about who went for double donor.  My boys are my boys even though they are not genetically related to me.
TCCx


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## Single1

Good luck Charley


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## Single1

Hi Sid102, 

I read your message this morning and questioned if I had written  this and not remembered.  You have summarised how I'm feeling too a tee.  Although I have not had to give up my dream as yet my behaviours have definitely changed. 
I am so irritated most of the time, I'm actually annoying myself. I'm now like a dog with a bone  who won't let this journey go (even for a second). This has made me more reserved and introverted and isolated . I have not shared my journey with many friends or family as I have little room for the comments I know I'll receive.  

So I just wanted to reiterate that no you are definitely not mad.. And you are not alone xxx


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## KitKat05

Hello all you single ladies

I am very new to the blogosphere (this being my first ever post)!  It is so great having this blog to read through other people's thoughts, fears, recommendations and, hopefully, many joyous outcomes.  

I am a single, soon to be 42 (in a few weeks' time) woman who has had five failed rounds of IVF over the past three years at the same clinic using donor sperm.  I am now looking for a fresh start at a new clinic (to be decided) as, for various reasons (mostly relating to admin mistakes causing me extra, unneeded stress), I am no longer happy at the original clinic.  I am going to one of the Open Days at Bourn Hall and sourcing information for the ARGC plus I've seen mention in one of these blogs about Team Miracle in Cyprus.  On top of those, I'm sourcing contacts on the East Coast of America for word of mouth recommendations.  If any of you out there have any recommendations, I'd love to hear about them!

I appreciate how old I am but other than that, I am neither overweight nor underweight.  I don't smoke, don't drink and have no other health risk factors so, other than my 'advanced' years, cannot understand how they can get a year's supply of eggs and none of them take.  It is so emotional and stressful.  My family are, gently, suggesting egg donation but I don't think I'm ready for that yet.  Emotionally that is.  Does anyone have any experience of that and how they feel about it?  IE, no 'Dad' sperm and no 'Mum' egg.  

Sorry, hadn't intended this to be so long.  It's just great to have people, who are not emotionally invested in my particular journey, to talk to.


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## Blondie71

I'd say all of those feelings could be identified by any person struggling with infertility married or single, fertility is at the core of human attractiveness and worthy genes etc define us in that great competition to procreate and when it's under threat it provokes a ferocious response in most cases that others find hard to understand unless they live with that threat too x


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## KitKat05

Hi Sid102

I can identify with everything you said.  I think TinCanCat asked for more of your fertility history, if you are willing to share it.  Have you considered donor eggs?  Now, I make that sound easy and it isn't, in fact it makes me want to cry just writing it but... I too am a single woman, soon to be 42 but I am not giving up, not yet.  I am going to try at least one more round with my own eggs and if it's a 'no go', I am coming round to using donor eggs.  It's tough and makes me want to cry at this point but, as my sister said, you grow the baby, you nourish the baby, you deliver the baby and from what I've read and heard of women using donor eggs, the baby is just as much theirs as their own DNA.  My Dad, who is incredibly supportive said "well, you never know which parts of the DNA nature is going to pull down anyway, so really, what difference does it make if you succeed in fulfilling your dream".  He couldn't be more right.  Still, it's an emotional and tough decision and, as I said, I'm giving my own, tired old eggs another go.  My womb, I'm told, is fine and I have a bit of time before that gets knackered.  So, on to round six but at a new clinic, using new sperm.  

Anyway, you are not alone (I am new to posting to...this is my second) and the support here is fantastic with people who not only understand but are/have been going through exactly the same thing.  It helps!


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## hanbluebell

Hi All,
I was put in touch with this forum by Donor Conception Network, this is something I have needed to do for a long time & so I am finally reaching out for advice & support, having read some of the threads I can see this is a very supportive community.
I am 33 years old, I live in Liverpool, I am single & due to a traumatic experience when I was 26, I will not conceive naturally, ie with a partner. I am not currently aware of any fertility issues, I have never been tested, but I do have severe Endometriosis so I know this may cause some difficulty for me.
My situation would therefore require donor sperm at the very least, possibly fertility treatment also.
I do not know where to start, please if anyone has any advice or direction for me, I would be most appreciative of any information I can get.
Is there anyone in the North West area who could recommend any clinics for me to contact to get started?
Thank You x


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## Tincancat

I'll pm you as I'm local. 
TCCx


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## sidl02

Hi ladies,
I'm sorry for not responding sooner to your lovely messages.  I go through waves of seeking solice here and then denial that I'm even needing help from people I've never met for something I just never envisaged happening.  I guess thats part of the 'denial stage' that people keep talking about and I'm in the early stages of trying to accept the possibility of facing a future without children.  But I'm drawn back to this site and have felt such comfort from your replies and for the first time as a single woman I've actually felt comforted and less isolated.  So thank you for that.  A brief synopsis of my journey is one miscariage with ex, fertility assesment and being told I have poor egg reserve so opted for donor sperm.  Two round of IUI which failed and then IVF which was also unsuccessful.  I am now left with three options.  Adoption. Double donor or drawing a line under it and facing a life without being a mum.  I have been back and forth over all three many times.  I have ruled out adoption so my decision now is do I go with double donor.  This of course throws up many questions.  Am I so desperate to be a mum that I haven't taken into account the pyschological impact on a child who will never know their biological identity?  It's not something I can rush into.  The pressure is hightened by the fact I'm single and therefore have no partner to discuss, encourage or gain support from.  So here I am, seeking advice and support from you ladies who have already given me so much strength.  I would love to hear from anyone who has used donor eggs and sperm to conceive, succesfull or not, positive experiences or not.  It's just so comforting to have somewhere to address these issues and receive advice and support from women who are experiencing the same journey as myself and have an understanding of the difficulties that we have all faced.
Thanks again, Andrea


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## Tincancat

Hi Andrea 
I can see from your previous posts you are having a hard time deciding if to go ahead and where to have treatment.  All I can say is with double donor there is no rush as the biological clock is no longer ticking.  The best advice I can give is give yourself time.  Step away from the infertility merry-go-round and enjoy being you for 12 months.  This will give you time to think about other things and what it is you really want from life. 
I went ahead with double donor more than 12 months after giving up on my own eggs.  It was the best decision for me.  I have two lovely boys who are extremely hard work and equally bring such joy.  I will have to tackle the future issue of them not being able to trace their genetic donors.  However to me my own parents are estranged from me so genetics mean very little.  Hopefully my boys will learn genetics are no big deal to who they are as people.
TCCx


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## Woolfie

Hello

I'm new to this forum - I introduced myself here:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=348901.0

And posted here about my imminent decision on which clinic in Spain to use:

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=348901.0

I'm doing this alone. So it would be great to connect with other single women undertaking the same journey - for whatever reasons. I've joined for camaraderie, advice, support and to offer support


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## vixyb

Hi Woolfie
I'm in the same boat as you and going it alone! Also going to Spain in mid November tho I am going to Madrid! 
So excited and yet so scared, nice to have others to chat to on here!
Anyone else out there going it alone?
Xx


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## Woolfie

Hi Vixyb

Cool - same timing, that will be good!
Are you going to IVI Madrid? 

Best x


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## 32Flavours

Hi all,

I'm back again... not sure how many times now I've popped back after an absence. I honestly seem to have been at the starting block of my journey for years; but not anymore!

I'm about to turn 31; really happy with my single life, but have always wanted a child. I was turned down earlier in the year by two clinics for egg-sharing, which was a bit of a blow. Finally got organised again this month and attended an open day with Create, was really impressed with them and I'm now booked in for a consultation and scan. Once I've got those results I'll make my next decision; I feel like I have more options again with Create as I couldn't really afford to consider traditional IVF, but natural IVF is a bit more in reach. I'm also going to apply for egg-sharing one last time too. So that's me for now, feeling pretty positive .


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## Goingitalone

Hi All,

Just joined as looking for some advice.

I have recently turned 40 & recently single. I feel at 40 my time has now run out to find Mr right to have a baby with & am now considering having a baby by myself. 

I'm currently looking into clinics in my area but there is so much information to take in. Being now 40 are my chances limited at conceiving & would I be better looking at the adoption route?

I guess I'm just looking for any advice on the best way to go about this. I do feel I want a baby more than trying to find Mr Right but have no idea what lies ahead if I go down that path.

Thanks for reading & any advice on next steps would be appreciated.
X


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## Blondie71

Life begins at 40   go for it, I had my twins own egg at 41 so get your skates on


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## Blondie71

Oh yeah 1st thing get your Amh level checked to see what your egg reserve is and then you can start researching best clinics for your finamces and circumstances hth


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## Tincancat

Hi Goingitalone 
I started alone at 40 with IUI after checking tubes were patent with a HSG.  I did get a BFP but miscarried again then no success with IUI.  Only after wasting lots of money on IUI was my AMH tested by my I now realise terrible clinic.  AMH was virtually undetectable and after several attempts at IVF, where I got only a couple of embryos, with OE I moved to DD to have success with my twins born when I was 46.  It's never too late so good luck.  Try to find a clinic who with tailor treatment to your needs and who have sperm donors rather than just choosing clinic nearest too you.  Costs vary wildly so shop around.  Going abroad is often far cheaper even taking account of flights and accommodation.
TCCx


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## deblovescats

Hi goingitalone
It is possible - there are lots of options - go for it.
It is possible for OE - you just need to get checked out if this is possible. I was 45 when started tx - given odds of 5% so decided to go straight to DE as when funding it by myself, wanted to maximise chances of a baby! The statistics with DE increases! 
I was 47 when gave birth to DS who is now 2, and wanted to try for sibling and gave birth in Oct to DD, so it can happen. She was from a frostie from same cycle as DS, and I still have 2 in storage!
Its not easy doing it on your own, but well worth it - always hoped to meet perfect man so when I hadn't, still wanted a baby!
Good luck
Deb


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## gwinethblack

Ok, so I have decided to write here too. As I am single and undergoing my 3 rd fertility treatment right now. So, basically, I have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility, two ivf tx on my own eggs resulted in bfn, eggs were really poor quality. My ex left me right after we were told that there is no chance to get pregnant on my own eggs, fortunately there are still options in the world. As I am from Germany, you need to know that egg donor ivf is totally forbidden here so I went abroad, now stimulating on short protocol, will have my first scan on 14 of November, hope to get good results. 
Ps it’s egg and sperm donor treatments.
So,yeah, that’s what I have been going through. Hope everyone is doing okay!!


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## Tincancat

Hi Gwinethblack 
Good luck for your double donor treatment.  Where are you going for treatment.?
TCCx


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## Helenbeau

Hey,
I'm new to this forum but it seems to be a great resource. I'm wanting to go ahead with IVF treatment using a sperm donor. I tried to conceive with my ex partner and was diagnosed with unexplained infertitly. We are no longer together but I intend to keep going alone. I'm 39. I'm happy to do it in UK or abroad, but I'm thinking abroad will be cheaper. I need good advice on the best place to go which is straight forward, reliable and friendly.
Looking forward to some replies xxx


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## kittykat76

If you want to stay in the UK the Zita West Clinic or London Womens Clinic are great, Abroad - Serum in Athens or Team Miracle in Cyprus,though a couple of ladies I am friends with have had issues with money and couple of other things at TM. Penny at Serum is lovely. Lots of luck!


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## [email protected]

Hi Ladies!
Another 40yo single lady, but relatively early in my ttc journey. I've had a couple of failed home AI cycles and now I have booked in with CARE Nottingham for a fertility MOT before doing anything else. That's not until 8th Dec though and it seems so long to wait! I don't have the option of going abroad for treatment, so I'm looking at continuing with AI attempts, trying IUI or going straight to IVF (all assuming I have usable eggs, that is!). IVF seems to give the highest chance of success, but I'd only have enough funds for one try in a 12 month period. One step at a time, I suppose!


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## Goingitalone

Thanks for the advice, had an consultation today & having a hycosy next week. Will then be in a better position to know if I will be able to go ahead & try.  My emotions are all over the place at the moment. Recently become single which then spurred me on to go it alone, just a lot to take in & deal with at the moment.

Feeling good though that I'm looking into this as don't want to get to mid 40s & regret to trying.

Thanks again to those that offered advice.

Xx


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## gwinethblack

Tincancat said:


> Hi Gwinethblack
> Good luck for your double donor treatment. Where are you going for treatment.?
> TCCx


thank you so much. i am so lucky to come across this forum, i am now in ukraine, already had my pregnil injection, the et is tomorrow but early in the morning, as i was told there are a lot of clients so they had to adjust the doctor's schedule and my manager called me and told me that it is the time when i do the injection. there are so many rules. maybe you can advise me on something what to do or not to do before the transfer i don't know. xx
PS I am in Ukraine, it is so great that there are a lot of women who gave me their opinions on it, even though everything was decided weeks before I joined this forum, still it was a pleasant surprise to meet here women who have been there for their treatment. 
Lots of love


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## alittlenervous

Hiya another newbie   I'm single, 36 and trying to get pregnant via AI with donor sperm from Cryos.  My first shipment arrived this morning and I will be trying early next week.    Nervous as anything!!!

Hello to everyone else and good luck all x


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## Tincancat

Hello Alittlenervous -  good luck with your Ai

Gwinethblack - how are you doing?


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## alittlenervous

Thank you Tincancat x


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## sunshine82

Hi [email protected], how much are you having to pay for your fertility MOT?  Did you have to pay 300 pounds for an initial consultation first?  I think I need a fertility MOT.  I've had 5 unsuccessful attempts at IUI in Denmark.  My GP would only test for LH and Progesterone to see if I'm ovulating which I already knew that I was.  I really want to know my AMH but it looks like the only way for that is to go private.

Alittlenervous I would love to hear more about how you do home insemination and order the donor sperm, how long can you store it for (and how do you store it?!) and how long it lasts.  Maybe I should try that as I'm having no luck with the stress of having to travel to Denmark.

Good luck everyone!


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## [email protected]

Hi Sunshine,
My fertility MOT is supposed to cost £325, which includes a transvaginal scan to check out the equipment and do an antral follicle count, then a consultation of up to an hour after the scan. I'm assuming they will want to do bloods too at an extra cost (AMH tests is a little over £100 I think). I've managed to have swabs and smear test done at my GPs, although they nurse said that she really wasn't supposed to do the swabs on NHS as I should pay to have them done at the fertility clinic, but she did them anyway as I was the only helpful one of several patients who were moaning like hell about delays - I wasn't in a hurry so said I didn't mind waiting til last, which was 90 minutes after my appt time. Sometimes it pays to be helpful  

I had tried 2 cycles of home insemination, with both bfns, so wanted to get checked out before I try again. I ordered my swimmers from cryos. You can order in a small or large nitrogen tank, which is delivered to your door and keeps your swimmers frozen for 7 and 12 days respectively, which gives you some time if your ovulation day varies. You can then have the tank collected from your home, or drop it by a dhl collection point (for the smaller tank, as the large one is too big to lug down the High Street!). If you google the Cryos website, it is quite easy to navigate.


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## NatalieJW

Hello, im adding myself to this thread if that's okay?

Im 29 and single, and for me, AI is my plan A. I have ordered myself 5 sperm straws from Cryos though concerned that the clinic i choose might not take them, im looking at CRGW and London Women's Clinic Bristol, will need to discuss this with them when i go for an initial consultation. I'm very excited about this process though find the closer i get the more scared i am. Equally, I'm still not ovulating after coming off the depo in August so not sure when i should go for my initial consultation, i feel a little odd asking the fertility clinic if i should wait for my cycles to actually start or start fertility treatment with them, your thoughts on this are most welcome.

I'm really looking forward to getting to know others and would love to see if there are any local meetings i can attend.
Best Wishes
Natalie


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## pollita

Hi Natalie

From experience I can tell you that CRGW definitely do not accept sperm from Cryos (I've tried myself, they stopped accepting from there a couple of years ago and won't budge on the decision) but LWC will happily accept it. 

That said, if you want to go to CRGW they have a lovely list of donors in house which are relatively cheap at £495 per cycle, and with the added benefit of if they thaw a straw and it's not up to scratch they will thaw another and not charge you for it (whereas if that happens with sperm you've ordered in you still pay for the defective straw)

You can go to the consultation whenever, I went a year before I actually started treatment. Once you're ready to start you will need to go in for another appointment where your cycle is planned anyway. 

Good luck!


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## NatalieJW

Thanks Pollita thats good to know, i think that does force my hand regarding clinics then as I'd rather not lose 25% of cost the return 5 straws to cryos available list :-/ that would be about £600 :-0 cant really spare that, thinking i should have chose a clinic before choosing a donor :-/ oh well x


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## Goingitalone

Hi All,

So I've now had all my test results back but am a little confused over what to do next. Apparently my overall health is good, however BMI low & blood pressure high. Ovaries, womb, tubes etc all healthy but my AMH level was 7.1 which is apparently low for someone my age (just turned 40) however Internet search tells me not to he too concerned with AMH level.

The clinic I had my test dine recommended IVF as the odds better than IUI, however I'm now a little anxious of going through IVF alone. Only recently come out of a relationship so still getting over that & the IVF process scares me. However I don't want to waste money giving IUI a go if the odds are next to nothing.

I would also be greatful if you could recommend some clincs. I had my tests done at London womens clinic but did not like it there at all. They didn't make me feel welcome & seem to offer much support to the fact I was going through this alone. 

Also anyone have any tips on how to get your body in the best shape. I'm trying to put on weight to increase my BMI & trying to reduce my stress. My overall health is good but want to give myself the best shot at doing this.

Sorry for all the questions but just feeling lost as to where to go from here.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Thanks x


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## NatalieJW

Goingitalone, gaining weight is essentially about increasingly your calorie intake, but to do this in a healthy way stay off saturated fats and increase carbs preferable not white potato but more so brown rice, wholemeal pasta and bread, and make sure to increase your protein also, a portion is avout 200g so if you up this to about a 300g portion with healthy carbs you should see the weight rise steadily. Im a major stress head amso for my mindfulness is good. I start with just 10 minutes a day, its pretty much meditation, but remaining focused on your breathing and when your mind wonders bring it back to your breathing. It sounds daft but it keeps me less stressed. I wear a fitbit and stress always sees my resting heart rate increase, when im not stressed, usually in the summer its 65 bpm but at the height of coursework deadlines with work its 88 bpm i have find with mindfulness i can keep it at 76 bpm at stressful times. Give it a go. Good luck x


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## NatalieJW

Okay, i just had to share as i'm so excited, I have booked my initial consultation and fertility check up for next Wednesday. I was going to wait until i had attended the open event in Bristol on 19th January but as I'm off work over Christmas it feels like a good time to get the ball rolling without having an impact on work. Any advice regarding this fertility check/initial consultation would be very useful, i have a list of questions to ask, but feel like i need to be better prepared. Thank you
Natalie x


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## janieliz

Hi Natalie,

How exciting, my advice would be to probably get an MOT if you haven't already. Their suggestions for treatment will probably be dependent on the results. Have you had any tests done yet?

X


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## NatalieJW

Thank You, I haven't had anything done yet, the fertility check as i understand it entails a 20 minutes pelvic ultrasound scan, is this an external scan? I will be having bloods taken and my AMH checked, then i believe a 1 hour consultation. 

I'm not sure what else i would need i guess until the scan is completed?
Natalie x


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## janieliz

Pelvic scan I would imagine would be an internal scan checking your ovaries and follicles, then the bloods like you say will be for AMH. They should be able to make suggestions for treatments based on your antral follicle count but obviously when you get your AMH that will give you a bigger picture. I would ask them what they recommend based on what they see. Some clinics will push IVF over IUI as it has higher success rates, however if done with correct timing IUI can have good success rates. I had consultations at a couple of places after I got my MOT results, see how you feel about the clinic. I had my MOT at a clinic that I knew I wouldn't have treatment at.

x


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## NatalieJW

That's good to know as i would like to get a feel for the clinic before i technically commit, if that makes sense, i'm hoping tbh that i can go with IUI i don't want work to know until they absolutely need to and i feel IVF might be to invasive for me not to let work know about it. 
Thank you for your advise, i will definitely ask what they think would be the best treatment based on what they find.
Natalie x


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## eskeech

Hi there, I'm a newbie and was hoping to join this thread. I'm 43 (44 in March) and can't afford IVF in the US. I'm looking into clinics win Europe to first try and use my own eggs, even though the odds are against me. Then if that doesn't work, I will try donor embryo. 
I'm scared to death to do this.I don't have a support network and don't really want anyone to know, as I've already suffered the public pain of losing my baby at 12 weeks when I was 36 and married. I suffer from depression, and the stress in my life is pretty high. I know it is not an ideal time for me to do this, but my eggs are getting older by the day. However, I do have good blood tests and my tubes are perfectly clear. My AMH is 4.19. 
I'm doing acupuncture and a load of supplements. I just wanted to join in because I am scared of the drugs side effects and especially scared of getting a BFN. And doing it alone...
One lady was asking about IUI and I think she is 40? I don't know the exact odds, but they are pretty low with IUI. For a 43 year old they are 5%. IVF is your best route. Start now, because with your own eggs odds take a nosedive after 42. 
Baby dust to all!


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## NatalieJW

So i went for my initial consultation today, and had my internal scan so thought i would share  
My right ovary had 15 follicles with 1 at 13mm, though my left ovary had 17 but no front runner so the doc suggested the ovary was polycystic, will need to look in to this more i feel. My lining is where the bad news was at, a shocking 2mm! Which he wasnt surprised at given i was on the depo for 9 years. So whats the plan...i have to wait for a natural CD1 then he will move forward with that first cycle though if it isnt successful he would want me to take a month break before going again, he said they usually wait 3 cycles before going ahead but he gets my impatience. 

So once CD1 starts i will need to go in for a 2 day scan, be prescribed Glonal F 75iu. Will then go for a 9 day scan and the a scan every other day to check follicles. He will also give me pessaries to help build the lining. The trigger shot will be given and i will go in 24 hours later for the IUI.

So there it is....but now to wait for CD1, goodness knows when that will be, but i guess it will be an ovulation from the right ovary! I know my estrogen is building as my dual hormone has me in high fertility and sorry for TMI but my nipples are quite sore, another sign of estrogen rising. So im hoping another week might see me ovulate and then hopfully a decent lining to shed! Watch this space.

But all in all im very excited that as soon as CD1 hits im going for my first cycle woop woop


----------



## NatalieJW

Im also having a hysteroscopy on 3rd January and my counselling session on 10 January, not sure what to expect with the counselling as its going to be over the phone :-/ should be interesting


----------



## Poly-Anna

Hello, I'm new! I've had my fertility MOT at a clinic in London, and will have HyCoSy and nurse visit later this month. I'm using an open donor from Cryos to have natural/ unmedicated IUI. I'm 34 and single, and doing this for the first time, although I have wanted to start TTC for a looooong time! I'm hoping I can start IUI in February, although my GP blood tests showed I'm slightly anaemic. If a second blood test shows the same I might have to wait and deal with that..


----------



## Tincancat

Good luck poly-anna 
I got a BFP on my first IUI although sadly it didn't progress. I do think it's worth trying IUI to start with if your tubes are patent. 
TCCx


----------



## Poly-Anna

Thank you Tincancat! I've been doing ovulation tests and they seem to work, fingers crossed all is well with my tubes  . Sorry to hear your first ever IUI didn't progress!


----------



## NatalieJW

Welcome Poly-anna, we i think are in a similar position, i had my HyCoSy last week, my advice would be to take pain meds stronger than paracetamol or ibuprofen the hour before. Good luck with you journey i hope its a quick one  x


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## Poly-Anna

Ouch! They've prescribed diclofenac for before the procedure, I wondered why as I took that when I had a hernia  

Hope your journey is a quick one, too, Natalie!!


----------



## Kimbo123

I just KNEW  there had to be more single mums to be in the world ! I just couldn't find you! 
This is my test post to make sure I'm doing it right - I'm in the right area , you can see me and I can work out how to reply ! 

I'm 41 , single , just coming to the end of my down regs on my first round . I'm from Southampton and I'm PETRIFIED and not in the least bit Wonder Woman like at all! 

Nice to meet you and I apologise in advance  if I'm in the wrong place x


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## pollita

Hello hello! I remember when I first found this board and realised it wasn't such a crazy idea of mine to have a baby alone haha

Good luck with the IVF! It's fine, I promise


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## NatalieJW

Welcome Kimbo123, there are definitely more of us here, good luck with your journey, i hope its a quick one


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## Kimbo123

Ah thank you for your replies ! I was getting a little bit cocky because I haven't had any side effects - until I woke up this morning at 4 am with a hot flush ! A HOT FLUSH !!! how can I get some sympathy and pampering when all I got is a hot flush !  

So are most people on here having ivf or are they already mummies ?


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## pollita

Kimbo, I got nothing but a few weak hot flushes in my treatments. Take it as a plus because a lot of people seem to have a terrible time!

I think lots of this board are already mummies, but lots of triers and pregnant ladies hang out in a couple of dedicated threads. Otherwise we just immerse ourselves in the regular boards depending on which stage of our treatment we're in


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## djjim22

Hi Kimbo! As pollita and natalie have said there are lots of us lurking here! I also was so happy to find this site and realise that deciding to have a baby on my own wasn't such an outrageous thing to do! I had my little girl just over a year ago via IVF and have jumped on the rollercoaster again to try and give her a sibling. Hope the hot flushes have eased over today! I was so lucky I didn't have to down-reg during my IVF so I was even more cocky than you, haha.xx

Must've crossed posts kittykat... that was my mindset also, why miss out just because mr right hasn't arrived? We have the rest of our lives to meet a partner but not the rest of our lives to have children.xx


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## Me Myself and I

Hi and welcome.
I'm a mummy to my oh so treasured toddler!
Its so worth every hurdle!
My only regret is not having been ready/able to have pursued this path earlier.


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## djjim22

Aw wow, so I bet you have the full backing from your mum. I don't think it does anyone any harm whatever kind of family they are brought up in as long as they get plenty of love! I was meant to start this month but due to an inconclusive smear result I think it will be march now (hopefully!). I have one little frozen embryo in the freezer which I will be using so hopefully he/she is a strong one. Where are you up to in your cycle?


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## deblovescats

Hi to all you wonderful, strong single ladies. I'm so pleased to know there are more like me around. It can be so isolating! 
Like all of you, I thought why should the fact I hadn't met my soulmate, mean that I should miss out on children. In fact, I wish I had done it earlier but then I reason, it took me a while to accept that I would have to do it alone. I worried about it and how it would turn out, but I am so glad I went ahead and have never regretted it - not even when the toddler has a major strop! 
I have family and good friends (who incidentally helped out massively taking toddler to nursery when I had a C-section with new baby), but at the end of the day it is us who do the nurturing and parenting, and we are strong enough to cope. In fact, I think we are stronger than women who do it as part of a couple! 
I went straight to DD due to my age, and funding myself, wanted the best chance of a little one.
I had two failed attempts with DD, then changed clinics. Amazingly, I got a BFP at 1st attempt with them =again with DD. I now have a gorgeous son who is 2 1/2 and becoming a real little person! I had 3 frosties and wanted a sibling, so had FET in Feb. I gave birth to a beautiful daughter in October, she's now 12 weeks and so perfect - I love her absolutely - she is so chilled and her smiles melt my heart.
I have 2 frosties in storage and haven't ruled out going again, but I would like it to be with my Mr Perfect- I can live in hope.
If he comes along, great, if not, I haven't missed out. 
It can be hard juggling a demanding toddler and a newborn, but I cope and so will all you strong ladies.
Deb


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## Poly-Anna

Thanks for your amazing story Deb!
Interesting how changing clinics helped conceive your second child, do you think the fist clinic was not right for you, or was it luck/ chance?


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## Blondie71

Good luck to all it's a crazy journey with a few doubts and wobbles along the way for most of us but very very worth it x


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## deblovescats

Thanks poly - both children were conceived at my second clinic so I think it could be that the combination of both donors just worked! I have 2 frosties in storage as well. I think sometimes it can be just luck. I think it was fate - I got the impression that the egg share donor had not been matched as she was tall - 5'10 and I wonder whether some had turned her down. The donor co-ordinator said that to even it out, she would choose a sperm donor who was shorter, he was 5'8. I'm 5'5. I wasn't too worried - was just keen to get on with treatment! It was obviously a good call! I have found out via clinic that egg donor had a baby too. I also applied to HFEA for info and I know that my two have siblings via the sperm donor, so obviously fertile! 
My son is 2 1/2 and he is tall for his age - on 98th centile when measured, but I think that's good for men! As we know, women like tall men - lol! So far, my daughter appears long for her age, but she's only 13 weeks! 
I feel so happy in my choice to go ahead with parenthood on my own! I think we're all independent women and we can do it! 
Good luck to anyone going for treatment


----------



## Poly-Anna

Wow Deb, you're one brave woman raising two tall children!! The sperm donor I chose is only 3cm taller than me, hope it'll work well with my eggs.

Natalie you were right, Hycosy pretty uncomfortable!


----------



## Kimbo123

I'm not sure if you can see me ! I'm rubbish at this !


----------



## Olddognewtricks

Hello all. Just starting out on the journey of becoming a parent by myself and just looking for people who are or have been in the same position for advice/reassurance/encouraging stories etc.
Over 40 (just), waiting on blood tests (amh, fsh, progesterone etc) and considering all options. Have a possible known donor but carefully considering IVF with own eggs or donor if tests show poor fertility. Finances will play a major part, so looking to have treatment abroad if needed.
Hoping to find fellow singles to chat to about the minefield of choices ahead!


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## deblovescats

Welcome olddogs - good luck in your journey - I'm sure you'll find lots of support on here! 
I believe in doing lots of research and considering all your options so go for it. Its a big decision to go to donor eggs and you need to weigh up your chances and how much you can afford to spend before going for donor eggs. Some people feel they have to give it a try. I would have done but I was 45 when I finally decided couldn't wait any longer for my perfect man so going it alone. I didn't have limitless funds so wanted to maximise chance of a baby, so went straight to donor egg. I had a failed cycle, both fresh and frozen at LWC so had a break. Then went to CARE Sheffield - again double donation. I was lucky and now have a 2 1/2 year old son and a 14 week old daughter (from a frozen cycle). I also am lucky enough to have 2 blasts in the freezer and might even go again! It isn't easy doing it on your own, but once you settle into a routine and start to enjoy your little ones, it's fine. I've had nothing but support from friends and family and have got to know other mums at groups. Haven't had any real negatives from people about my age. I always say to people I would have done it years ago but always hoped to have a partner to share it with. The little ones light up my life. I love them to pieces. I have not regretted donor egg - they really are beautiful children and I'm constantly getting comments about them from strangers! I love them as much as if they'd been from OE. I think I carried and nurtured them, and they wouldn't be them if they weren't from the eggs they came from. 
Good luck and happy to chat any time


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## eskeech

I echo everything that deblovescats said. 
I did a ton of research and found for me, trying OE was paramount. So I tried to find the best possible clinic for oe success at my age and for price. I'm going to Serum in Athens (Dansk in Copenhagen was the runner-up). 
Best of luck!


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## Altai

Olddog- welcome. When you say a donor do you mean DS or potential DE? 
If DS, then I'd strongly advise to go to Czech Republic or Slovakia. Especially if money is an issue and you want to give oe the best chanc.. Both countries don't treat singles, so got to have a 'partner'. Have a look at Polish and Ukrainian clinics, too. I think they treat singles. You could afford more cycles if go there. 

Going de is a big step and everybody wants to give the best possible chance to oe. So money is a factor to consider before embarking on to this journey. 
I wish I'd thought this through more carefully before starting IVF. But one always think that would the lucky one 
To strike a gold  first/second time. 
I had 10 IVF cycles and numerous ovulation inductions so spent so much money before  finally getting pregnant at 44.5. I had my last cycles in Russia. I believe clinics there are good and the price was excellent at that time, similar to Cz or Slovakian prices. Thou cost  much more now. 

Best of luck
A.


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## Tincancat

Welcome Olddog

Poland has now banned treatment for singles.  Don't forget to check out Northern Cyprus where there is a large pool of international donors (students and army bases) if you need DE and sperm can be chosen from Cryos website. There are budget airlines flying into Larnaca and the Clinics collect you from the airport.  Go out of seasaon and hotels/apartments are amazingly cheap - I got a lovely 1 bed apartment in Larnaca for 25 euros a night.  Only spent 2 nights in the North where as a single lady you attract a lot of attention which I found quite funny for I can never attract the toy boys in the UK!

Kimbo - how did you get on with your cycle?
TCCx


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## Olddognewtricks

Thank you all for your comments. I'm busy making lists of clinics and comparing success rates, prices and reviews so that I can make an informed decision before setting started. It's good to know people of similar age have managed to start their family as a solo - gives me great hope! I'm sure I'll have lots of questions as I get further in to my journey, so hope you don't mind me popping in to ask questions along the way!
Good luck with your treatment eskeech!


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## Steph3

I am a single 41 year old Canadian woman that has been trying to conceive for the last 2 years,presently in Vancouver. My journey began in my GP's office asking if I could get pregnant.  I had a full bladder ultra sound.  The results suggested I may have a fibroid.  I was referred to a gynecologist.  She saw me, gave me a prescription for my painful menstrual cramps and a referral to Olive fertility.  I was seen in August 2015 and an HSG and biopsy were done.  Nothing was evident.  My Doctor recommended IUI.  I had three failed IUI's in the spring of 2016 and moved to Toronto, Ontario, Canada.  1 cycle of IVF was covered by provincial healthcare.  As I waited for appointments and to get on a waiting list, I had another failed IUI.  On the list for December 2018 at Mt. Sinai.  I headed back to Vancouver for the winter where I started intake for IVF.  A histeroscopy was done, eventhough I had a full bladder ultrasound and sonohistergram from the summer.  A fibroid was discovered.  At my surgical consultation in January, he suggested that I wouldn't have conceived.  I have surgery in a week.  I have  had  one egg retrieval for with 11 retrieved, 9 fertilized, 5 to 3 day and none to 5 day blastocyst.    It is recommended that I seek an egg donation program.  I thought Europe may be an option, yet which countries treat single women?    I now know that the Czech Republic does not as they have legislation.  Is this the case for all EU countries?  Has anyone used an agent?  Who would you recommend?  I am feeling like this graft of my little sprout's journey is very overwhelming.  I am staying hopefull for my little sprout, who I believe is out there and just waiting for us to come together.  I would appreciate any comments and support.  Thanks


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## deblovescats

The UK will accept single women for fertility treatment, and you can have egg and sperm donation,
Good luck


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Steph
Cyprus, Greece and Spain all treat single women.  Greece and Cyprus are a bit cheaper than Spain.  All these countries are anonymous donors.  In Spain the doctors choose the donors.  Cyprus you normally get to choose from a small selection with basic details such has height weight eye and hair colour plus occupation.  Greece I'm not sure if you can choose your donor.  Cyprus has a good international mix of donors as there are lots of students and army bases: I was offered British, Belgian and Greek female donor choices and male donor from Cryos international.  My friend who also went to Cyprus was offered Danish and Swedish donors as she is fair haired and blue eyed.  Take a look at the international threads for more information and get a feel for the different countries and clinics. 
TCCx


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## mishymashy

Hello ladies!
I have made a few posts already on the IVF boards but wanted to post here to introduce myself as a fellow single woman.

I'm 34 and single for nearly 4 years. After doing everything I could to get back into a relationship, = trying every online dating site going (but with no success) I made the decision in July 2016 to go it alone and November 2016 had a 'fertility MOT' at a private clinic. This was disappointing  My AMH was 8.3, which is low for my age, and my antral follicle counts were low as well.

It was my intention to try a few rounds of IUI but given these AMH results, the clinic recommended I go straight for IVF, which I did in March 2017. I had to stim (I think that's the term) for 14 days and needed ever higher doses of GONAL-F (up to 350). They collected 8 eggs, and 5 fertilised with ICSI. I got 1 x 5 day blast which they transferred (BFN), and 1 x 6 day blast which is currently in the freezer.

My plan is this:

I am going to try home insemination with donor sperm from Cryos this April 2017 cycle (I am currently on Day 2).
If that doesn't work then I will attempt the frozen embryo transfer.
If that doesn't work then I will go to Reprofit to have IVF/ICSI until I get a BFP.

The other thing I'm thinking of in addition to the above is egg freezing: I want to preserve them whilst I'm still under 35 (esp with my low AMH already) but know that this is largely an experimental treatment still.


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## kittykat76

Hi Mishymashy - reprofit is in Czech and they don't treat single ladies annoyingly,you would need to look at Greece,Spain, Cyprus,all of which have some great clinics. I'm not sure egg freezing is hugely successful as apparently embryos survive the freeze better than eggs and if have low amh then the clinic may not recommend it. Why did they do icsi?


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## mishymashy

Hi Kitty, thanks for your message.

Alternatively I may go for a full IVF cycle and freeze the embryos to be used later whilst my eggs are still relatively young. I am open to the idea of donor eggs if it comes to that, I will be thinking along those lines if I need to when I hit 40. I am willing to remortgage my house and go all out in order to finance everything.

Not sure why they did ICSI. I didn't give my express consent to it - I think they did it because it does result in higher fertilisation rates, but I thought it was only used if the sperm have poor motility and I imported ones which were MOT20. It was annoying as it was an additional 1000 pound cost. This clinic was really horrible with loads of added extras, e.g. charging extra for blastocyst culture, and 500 pounds for the actual transfer of the blast!!


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## kittykat76

Is your clinic here in UK? Most charge extra for blast,suprised they did icsi though as usually for poor sperm or lower quality eggs if had probs with fertilisation in the past. I have friends with low amh who were told several yrs ago that egg count was rapidly disappearing but who are still getting good ivf results so don't panic too much,hopefully your fet will be successful


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## mishymashy

Yes it was LWC. I'm feeling positive, just have to keep trying until I get there


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## kittykat76

Oh I was with them to start with. Keep strong you will get there. I have had several miscarriages and will keep going til I get there


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## djjim22

Mishymashy - Just a quick message to say I just had a day 6 blast transferred which resulted in a BFP, still early days as only 6 weeks but I was also worried with it being a day 6 blast that it wouldn't work... I also had an AMH of 3 when I was 29 but produced 16 eggs in my fresh cycle. Which branch of LWC are you with? Good luck with your plan!xx


----------



## PippaCat

Hello,

Have some googling today, I came across this website and thought I'd join. It's so nice to read that other's out there are making the same choices.

I'm currently 29, I have always made a joke to family that if Mr Right didn't come along by the time I was 30, I would just go to the sperm bank. Hence where I am now, although a little earlier than planned. As I had made my mind up last June about what I was going to do. My sister is so supportive of my plan, as well as two close friends that I have told. They know my plans but not the whens, as I'd like to keep that to myself. So having people online is great to be able to talk over them things with. 

I hope everyone has enjoyed their sunny sunday.


----------



## natclare

Hi all, Just thought I'd pop my head up here again as planning my first FET next month. Story is in the signature, but essentially despite being with my new partner now for two and a half years, we had the conversation about children and commitment (we are pretty relaxed, don't live together etc) at Christmas and he's not ready to commit to having a family with me. I can't wait now at the grand old age of 39. I would say he's massively supportive, I love him to bits, and I'm hoping that he will continue to a) be my boyfriend and b) be supportive but nobody has a crystal ball so who knows, what will be will be. I never really anticipated my story taking this turn of events but hey ho... So I am planning to have my 1st FET at Serum next month using my frozen embryos. I've had my endo scratch, all my bloods done again for the STIs and have got my meds. Now just waiting for period/Day 1. Would be really glad of any support as although I've had a lot of IVF I have never had a FET or a pregnancy. Thanks for reading xxx


----------



## suitcase of dreams

Good luck Nat  
Keep us posted!
x


----------



## natclare

Thanks lovely!! I don't think it will feel real until I step on the plane. Xx


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## Blondie71

All the best Nat you're in good hands


----------



## LuckyE

Good luck Natclare - where did you get your STI's and endo scratch done? If in the UK where? Or did you get it all done in Greece?
Thanks


----------



## Readyfreddie

Hi ladies,
Just wanted to introduce myself. I'm fairly recently single and just found out I'm pregnant throuh ivf! So happy but a little daunting so hoping for some support through here. Also wondered if anyone was in the London area and fancied meeting up at all? X


----------



## natclare

LuckyE: STIs at my local family planning place and £10 for a letter and endo scratch last week at Wessex fertility. Xx


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## LuckyE

Natclare - TA will go for STI test next week and get letter. 

Readyfreddie - congratulations! There used to be a London meet up thread for single ladies. Not sure if it's still running...


----------



## 90Unicornx

Hi everybody , this is my first post although I have been browsing for a few weeks now - I just posted this on the IUI board then saw that it would also fit here too hope that's allowed  

I am very much happily single although more than ready to have a baby .. in fact it's taken over my life or tries to im sure you know where I am coming from ! After a lot of reading and thought and so on I have come to the conclusion that IUI with donor sperm is the path I want to take . Most probably abroad due to limited funds . My very first step for beginning this journey was to find a house , as I was in a first floor flat and wanted a house before a baby . I have now found the most perfect house to rent ! I will be coming off the pill next week once I arrive home from my holiday (stayed on it due to it helping with period pains!). I have done a fair bit of research and understand it to some degree however it's a lot to get my head around . I know I need to Track my periods for a few months before commencing with IUI , but i can't seem to fully get my head round HOW?? I have purchased some of the ovulation pee sticks (very technical I know ) and a basal thermometer, so do I record all these for a few months to identify a pattern ? If doing treatment abroad is it last minute booking everything ? I'm so excited yet also afraid to be starting this journey as I know it can take a few attempts to work and the financial side of this makes the number of attempts I can have very limited . Are there tests I should ask for from my Doctors ? Thank you to anybody in advance ! Sorry for the lack of flow in this message just writing as things come to me it's all rather a lot to take in! 

Xx


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## 90Unicornx

I realise not everybody on this thread will be necessarily be doing IUI hopefully those questions  get answered on the IUI board but wanted to also introduce myself on here as a single ! Xx


----------



## natclare

Hi UnicornX, To be honest I don't know much about IUI but I would say you should find the clinic and they will talk it all through with you and tell you what to measure when etc. You do have to be a bit last minute with flights etc but we are capable women and can organise things around a small matter like IUI. If you haven't researched much so far, Denmark is popular for IUI. Wishing you luck.
x


----------



## Blondie71

Hi 90unicorn just curious about your age as if over 35 and funds are limited a single ivf cycle with something to freeze may be more cost effective and more chance of working as iui can be hit and miss and I see many people saying with hindsight they wished they just went to ivf 1st, you might want to read the iui threads to see others opinions on it x


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## deblovescats

Unicorn - welcome - I agree with Blondie. it depends on your individual situation. Due to my age, I didn't qualify for treatment on NHS so as I went for double donation, an IVF cycle was more cost effective as I believe the statistics are higher than IUI. I was lucky - got 4 blasts, one implanted fresh, now have  a son nearly 3, 3 were frozen. FET last year resulted in gorgeous daughter now aged 6 months, also still have 2 frozen in storage, so might even go again. This meant as I had blasts in storage, it was then cheaper to do a FET.
Good luck with your decision


----------



## 90Unicornx

Thank you for your input deblovecats and Blondie71. I did toy with the idea of egg sharing , my nearest clinic would be nurture in Nottingham and I did read it has high success rates but this would still be approx £2000 which would be in a big chunk of money gone if it wasn't to work out , although as you have pointed out the success rate is also higher than IUI, arghhh i am back to being undecided  . I am 26 with no known fertility issues but have never "tried " for a baby. Decisions decisions ! Thank you also Natclare x


----------



## djjim22

Unicorn - I don't think there is a 'one size fits all' solution to this but I am in the camp with the others who went straight for IVF for reasons they have already stated. Although there is someone posting on here (sorry can't remember your name if you are reading this) who has just got pregnant on their first attempt at IUI so it can happen. I was 28 when I started this journey and didn't have any reason to believe I had any fertility issues, however I found out my AMH was very low for my age so that cemented the decision to go down the IVF route straight away. I got three blastocysts from my first IVF which was a freeze all cycle so have since had two frozen cycles which have resulted in my daughter and I'm now currently 8 weeks pregnant. Hopefully someone can come along with some insight into IUI for you but we are all here for advice if we can help.xx


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## kittykat76

Hi Unicorn - I did a couple of IUI's via London Womens Clinic as I had previously got PG with my partner and knew my tubes were clear as had done the HSG so thought it was the cheapest option, sadly it didn't work for me and I regretted spending £3k when IVF isn't much more than that but it is always easy to think differently in hindsight and there was a chance it would work. I was also much older than you so the success rate was also lower. I moved onto IVF and have gotten PG several times but sadly have lost all of them. You have to go with your instincts- if you can do it abroad it works out cheaper and you could always set a limit as to how many tries you do before moving to IVF. You also have the advantage of having age on your side and even though want a baby asap if you had to then save again for a few mths it really wouldn't impact on your chances. Good luck with whatever you decide


----------



## llol_16

Hello Everyone,

I hope I'm doing this right!

Long story short  I'm 32 and a single Mum to a child conceived naturally albeit unfortunately in an abusive relationship. I always wanted a large family and I very much want my child to have a sibling. A few years down the line we're safe, settled and I've decided that IVF with donor sperm is the route I want to take.

I'm not sure about future relationships and after being dragged through the family court system I don't want to run the risk of a known donor. Likewise I don't want to risk looking back when I'm older and not as fertile wishing I'd taken the chance. Money is very tight so it is very definitely a single chance journey.

So far I've chosen my clinic (ARGC) and I've had virtually all the blood tests done. I think I've found a donor I like the sound of (non-anonymous for when my little one is older) and final blood test all booked. Feel like I'm teetering at the top of the biggest roller coaster ride of my life! I'm alternating between excitement and a little panic - very Armageddon/Owen Wilson like! Looking forward to continuing the journey with you all. x


----------



## Daisythesnail

Hello

I initially posted this somewhere else, but now I've found the singles forum I thought I'd post here.

Wow there are a lot of sad and a lot of inspiring stories on here.  I just want to give you all big hugs.  

I've been reading forums for a while, but now I've actually signed up.

I'm 38 and eternally single.  Plan A to fall in love, get married to a wonderful husband and have 2.4 children hasn't happened.  I'm kind of grieving the fact that my dream isn't happening whilst at the same time trying to move on.

I have decided (after much heart ache) to try to have children now and to maybe meet someone later in life if the time is right. I've been looking into adoption for a few years but never felt 100% at peace with it for me right now......I am relatively new to thinking about fertility treatment (because I thought it was just wrong for a single person - but I'm quickly getting over that), I've realised I don't have a few years to think about it due to my age.  I need to get in there and start if I'm going to do it.

I'm aware that not all clinics treat single women.

I live in Reading.  I've kind of narrowed it down to Oxford Fertility Clinic or London Women's Clinic.  Do any of you have any first hand experiences of either that you would be willing to share?  I've booked to go to open evenings at both, but stories from real people are always useful.
From what I've read they both seem like they follow a similar process for most people, (Is this correct) rather than the very individualised approaches that some of the more expensive clinics offer.  But I may not have fertility issues - I've never been in a position to try for a baby so I don't know - but I'm hoping just going through the less individualised process might work for me.  Or do you think I'm wrong and should just go all out for somewhere like Lister?
I'm worried about all of the travel to London - even Oxford isn't that close.

I'm pretty terrified by the whole thing really but at the same time feel at peace about trying it.  I'm worried about the amount of time I'll have to take off work - I'm a teacher.

Having researched I'm kind of hoping that wherever I end up they might just let me go straight for IVF, but I guess that'll be a lot up to the Drs.  I think they might want me to try IUI first, but the success rates seem so low.

Thanks in advance to anyone who replies.  It's good to know there are other people going through this out there.

I wish you all the very very best of luck in your treatments.

Love Daisythesnail xx


----------



## Poly-Anna

djjim22 said:


> Unicorn - I don't think there is a 'one size fits all' solution to this but I am in the camp with the others who went straight for IVF for reasons they have already stated. Although there is someone posting on here (sorry can't remember your name if you are reading this) who has just got pregnant on their first attempt at IUI so it can happen.


Hi *Djjim* that was me! 10 1/2 weeks now! There was another single girl on the IUI boards who got pregnant on her first try during the same month, she is 31 (I'm 34). We both had unmedicated cycles at a London clinic, I travelled down from Scotland for treatment. I wanted to do IUI rather than IVF as it is a lot less invasive.

*Llol* good luck on your journey!

*Daisythesnail*, if you are paying for treatment you should be able to make your own decisions, if you do not want to try IUI due to the low success rates/ your age you can decide to do IVF right away! I would advice to be proactive, it is your money so the decisions should be yours, don't let anyone talk you into something you aren't sure about. (Summer) holidays might be a good time to plan treatment around if you're a teacher? Please feel free to ask more!


----------



## Daisythesnail

Thanks for replying Poly Anna
Wow, congratulations on getting pregnant.
And thanks, I'm sure I will have loads of questions.
Daisythesnail x


----------



## Poly-Anna

Thank you Daisythesnail! It was a very pleasant surprise, so soon, I was prepared for a much longer journey.

I'm happy to help where I can


----------



## Rebecca_747

Hi ladies

Anyone leave in or near Epsom?  Would be nice to chat to anyone who lives nearby


----------



## rudirudi

Hi

I am new here, been reading the forum for a while but havent had the courage to talk to you until now. I am terrified of speaking to anyone in my environment now since I get comments and unsolicited advice about how I need to be patient until i find the perfect man, even if its when im 40 (and too late!)
I am both horrified and surprised at the advice heard from people and cant help feeling fustrated. 

I will be 28 this August and I really want to have a baby even if I have no partner. I got married when I was 23, divorced 2 yrs later. My husband wanted to wait with kids until we are at last 35, well travelled and financially settled we are and I just could not accept it. I always wanted to be a young mum and could not wait to start a family, and never thought my husband would take the control away and he would ask for compromise on when and how many kids we would have. I always thought that is for the wife to decide.
I am finishing my masters degree next year that i have been doing part time, i work full time alongside, and started looking for my ideal home to buy into which I will bring my baby. 
I have pcos (and overweight) since I was 13 and this makes me really nervous, since I have never got pregnant with metformin and hearing stories and advice to have babies before 30 if you have pcos.
In my family no woman got pregnant after 35, had 1 miscarriage on average (mum 1, mums mum 1, dads mum 1, mums sister 0), just as family history. I therefore think i have to finish the children project by the time im 35 since female family members who were healthy stopped at 35, and on top i have a reproductive related illness. I feel i dont have time to be honest.

I am still trying to find a nice man to settle with since being single mum is not set in stone in my mind. but guys, my friends and family are having a go at me every time I express i want to have a baby, everybody saying I should wait until I am really in love, live in marriage and in a marital home. So fustrating since I loved my husband deeply but he did not give me what i wanted and i no longer believe in love.

I got into contact with a clinic in Greece, they seem really nice. I am about to send them a sample and then we can arrange for a cycle trip (first round, with donor sperm) in Athens.
I guess I am looking for support and encouragement here because im tired of judgemental comments from others. Im sorry for my rant, i feel so angry these days i dont feel heard or understood.


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Rudi 
Welcome to the singles thread.  People can be so judgemental.  Ignore them and go for it. 
TCCx


----------



## saskia100

Hi, ladies,

I'm going alone in this process too. I'm wondering how everyone copes financially? I earn a reasonable wage, but childcare in my area is bonkers - in the region of £1,600 - £1,800 per month. How on earth could I afford that plus other bills. I know people say things work out, but I'm nervous about what my budget calculations seem to indicate. Any advice or tips really welcome.

Thanks, Sassy


----------



## Tincancat

Child Tax credits.  It's the only way I survive. 
TCCx


----------



## saskia100

Thanks Tincancat. I just did a test on the child tax credit entitlement website and it says I wouldn't be entitled to any. Grrr... i guess I need to save more and be inventive on how to earn more....


----------



## saskia100

Hi Rudirudi, I am in a similar position but older, and I regret no having done this on my own 10 years ago. I believe the circumstances change and that it's possible to find someone later. There are all sorts of blended family situations now. It sounds like you are ready to go forward. But if you want to wait you could get your eggs frozen and continue looking for a while...? Just one thought.


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Sassy 
When I filled that in online I too was informed not entitled.  However a few months along and someone advised me to apply and hey ho they were right I was entitled and had missed out on several months tax credits.  It's misleading that government  website.  Try Gingerbread website.

I froze eggs and it didn't work so I had to move on to donor eggs.  Freezing embryos is a better option as they tend to survive.  However with newer more advanced technology, particularly abroad, freezing eggs could be an option but it's not without risks of failure. 
TCCx


----------



## saskia100

Morning Tincancat, that's interesting. Ok will definitely check out gingerbread site, thank you for that. Making sure I can cope financially is a big worry for me. Currently saving as much as I can.

Rebecca, I live in Kingston, which is not far from Epsom. Happy to chat sometime. Maybe we could meet in London, with any others intestested in joining.

Sassy


----------



## Sunflowerck

Hi ladies

I've just found no this thread. So I've just gone through 2nd round of ivf and now waiting for FET in July.
I'm 43 and decided last year it was time to go it alone.
Rebecca - congratulations on your BFP.  I would love to catch up and talk to someone in the same situation. 
I'm near Esher but could meet in Clapham Junction, I( work in London so could meet there too).

It's good to be able to share with other singletons.


----------



## deblovescats

I also wish I'd done it earlier - I was hanging on hoping for Mr Right or even Mr Right Now ... however, don't regret doing it at all. I also am grateful for tax credits. I work 3 days a week (though on maternity leave at the moment), used to work full time, but reduced hours after having my son. I plan to go back again on 3 days when my daughter is nearly one. Tax credits help to boost my income up to almost what I earned when working full time, but I didn't earn a massive salary anyway. There's child benefit as well don't forget.
It is currently more successful to have embryos frozen than eggs, as Tincat says. I have never regretted using donor eggs. They are the children I'm meant to have! 
I'm hoping that maybe one day I could possibly meet someone who wants a ready made family, but in the meantime, I'm happy with my little family. Couldn't be happier.


----------



## rudirudi

Thank you for the replies ladies   
I am not thinking egg freezing nor embryo freezing yet, id like to be pregnant and have a baby now. 
I wish you luck all, i think i will be at the Serum thread soon, hoping to get the test results this week and then booking my appointment with them this autumn.


----------



## saskia100

Good luck Rudirudi, Serum I understand is a very good clinic.

Thanks for you ideas on coping financially Deblovescats. I too wouldn't be able to rely on my family so much as they live quite far away. I have a few good local friends who I know could help somewhat.

Sunflowerck, it would be nice to meet up and chat and share ideas etc.. Perhaps we could meet for a coffee somewhere local?  Let's see if Rebecca checks soon and then we could sort out a convenient time and place. 

Sassy


----------



## Lennlenns

Hello,
I am just joining this thread now and not sure exactly how to post my questions on the most helpful topic page??
I just turned 40 and am wanting to try IVF in October.
I live in Australia but I want to do the procedure in Copenhagen.
I feel i want to access the Danish sperm bank (Cryos or other)
I am single and want to have a baby, I don't want to wait until I meet someone as I feel that may have too much pressure on the dating!
Anyway....has anyone here has experience in Copenhagen with a fertility clinic?
I'm curious to know, after the transfer (crossing my fingers and hoping that there are embryos for transfer) how long do you think I need to stay in Denmark before I can fly back to Australia?
I know I will need to stay two weeks at first so I can have a scan and a bloodtest for pregnancy (fingers crossed again) but if I test positive, does anyone know if I can return to Australia fairly soon after that??
Thanks in advance x


----------



## deblovescats

Hi
I don't have any experience relating directly to Copenhagen, but I think procedures are pretty standard. As far as I'm aware, you wont' need to stay for 2 weeks. You can travel as normal after embryo transfer - just check with your clinic about long haul flight, but as long as you try to rest as much as you can and drink plenty of water, you should be fine. The issue would just be keeping up with meds while travelling and working out the time difference.
You can do a pregnancy test back home - my UK clinic don't do blood tests, they just give you a poas test - I also bought some myself! Then you ring them with the result and they advise you from that point.
Good luck


----------



## suitcase of dreams

As deb says you don't need to stay in Denmark at all. I had my tx in Czech Republic (am from UK) and my successful cycle which was a frozen embryo transfer I was actually there less than 24 hrs. Arrived sun evening, transfer Monday morning, flight home mon afternoon!
You won't need scan or blood test, just do preg test (pee on a stick) 2 weeks post transfer 
Good luck!


----------



## Blondie71

Hi Lennienns just curious who told you you'd have to stay to do the test? Never heard anybody stay to test, in my own case I flew home 36 hrs after transfer and did pee test and once that was positive a blood test to see how high hcg was hth ☺


----------



## notamuggle

Hey guys!

I'm not really new but it's been well over a year since  I've been on so hi everyone

I  had to take a break from thinking about trying to have a baby after my 6th miscarriage last March  but I'm now 9 weeks pregnant and have had two happy and healthy early scans so feeling brave enough to come back and see you guys!

At 9 weeks which is the best thread for me to join now?

Big love to everyone! 

Xxx


----------



## Steph3

I have returned.  In many ways...thisbsite was quite useful as I chose an overseas clinic.  It happened!  DD FET in Athens on July 10th.  I am 41 and have been trying for over 2 yrs.  Presently, I am staying at my Uncles flat in Chislehurst for my 2ww.  My mum is british born and I have family all over the country.  I may do some visiting yet I am trying to take it easy.  I am looking for a clinic to do my beta (sameday results)  If anyone has any sugestions, I am also on foot, so it would have to be transit accessable.  

If anyone is interested in a meet-up or light activity and would like a natter, I would love the company. I have many stories to tell, that may interest you.  Talk more soon


----------



## 63053

Hello everyone,
Hope you don't mind me joining this thread. My marriage is disintegrating due to the pain and grief of losses and the whole process of treatment. I am starting to look into going it alone.
I'd like to follow if I may. I'm thinking of Serum as I've heard good things. At the moment I am just trying to find the strength to continue. All I know is that I'm not ready to give up on my baby.
Hugs to you all
Belle x


----------



## notamuggle

Welcome Belle

I'm so sorry for all the pain you're going through. Sometimes I think it's easier for me going through my losses on my own, I'm not sure how I could have faced someone else's grief as well as mine

I only need IUI so went to my local clinic but I've heard good things about Serum xxx


----------



## llol_16

Hello Everyone,

I've just chosen my donor from Cryos in Denmark and I'm in the process of arranging delivery. I'm hoping to start treatment at ARGC shortly. I'm ridiculously excited! I thought I'd be nervous although maybe that will hit later. While the final arrangements are being made I'm just concentrating on shifting lbs as I am overweight.

Just thought I would say hello to everyone.

x


----------



## lemoncake

Hello all. 

I'm going it alone. Really want to use my own eggs. Any success stories with similar figures? 

X


----------



## Lotusblossom

Hello,

I'm not completely new but haven't been on the site for a couple of years.

Having stepped away from considering single motherhood for some years due to misleadingly promising relationships (I know - should just have to on with it!) I am now going ahead with IVF. 

Booking my initial IVF consultation next week but trying to decide between clinics - the availability of donor sperm seems to be quite variable between them.

Does anyone have any experience of Oxford Fertility? In particular what sperm donor options they offer - the website is a bit vague with a suggestion that there would be a wait for sperm. I'm inclined to go for London Women's clinic for their in house sperm bank and positivity about single women, but the travel will be much more difficult to fit in with work (I live in West Midlands and OF has satellite clinics near by).

Good to meet you all xx


----------



## notamuggle

Hiya and welcome back

Have you considered using sperm from another organisation? I didn't use my clinics bank but used the European sprem bank and have found them very helpful

Good luck x


----------



## kittykat76

Ask clinic if you can get sperm from another place- I used Xytex in USA who were excellent


----------



## Lotusblossom

Thank you both

I wondered if using another organisation would make things more complicated but I've emailed Oxford to ask (I get the impression that they like to control the matching process and they say it takes 6-8 weeks for donor matching and sperm delivery in their FAQs).

For me - just getting the process underway asap without losing courage again is important as I've already wasted a lot of time. I guess looking at the experiences of others, its a long journey and I'm likely to try a number of clinics anyway.

X


----------



## notamuggle

I found the process very easy from my point of view. I had my initial meeting at the Agora and asked them to specify exactly what type of sperm and how many units I needed to order. Then I got to pick through all there donors and once chosen had the units shipped to the clinic where they stored them ready for use within the week! 

I enjoyed picking a donor myself, it was an important part of the process for me

I have photos of them as a child, a written statement from them and lots of other info too

Have a look at both the websites we've mentioned and see what you think

Have you had a first consultation with any of the clinics yet? X


----------



## Lotusblossom

Hello Notamuggle,

I have my appointment at the Bristol satellite for LWC this coming week. I phoned Oxford and they were so much less helpful and in fact needed me then to phone the satellite clinic again separately and gave me the wrong information (told me I could self refer but in fact the satellite clinic expects a GP referral) - off-putting (though they did confirm - fine to use another organisation for sperm but a bit unclear on the process). So LWC and their own sperm bank for me (as a starting point) for now as their initial process has been clear easy and welcoming. I'm so easily deflected by negativity of others and practical hurdles - I've just got to go for it (or accept I'm never doing it) now, I think.

How are you doing?
x


----------



## djjim22

Lotusblossom - I used LWC but their north east branch. I know some people found them unhelpful at the London branch but I've found them the most welcoming, tailored my treatment to my needs and this has resulted in two successful pregnancies so they have been good for me. I also used their sperm bank although the sperm I used was imported from overseas. Good luck with your appointment. Please ask away if you want to know anything.xx


----------



## Lotusblossom

Hello djjim22, that's very helpful and really good to hear your success story. I'm sure I'll have questions about treatment after the appointment once I know what they recommend for me. How much information did they give you about the sperm donors? How much choice did you get?xx


----------



## djjim22

Lotusblossom - they have a website to order from (London sperm donors) so I could choose from hundreds and was all my choice. No photos but information on weight, height, eye colour, hair colour, occupation, hobbies and a few other things. Once my daughter was born I then applied to the hfea for more non disclosing information the sperm bank had for him. As he was an overseas donor I think there was more information than there usually would be from LWC. Pretty much have a while family history back to his grandparents.xx


----------



## AmberJ

Hi All,

I've found myself here tonight after yet another insensitive conversation with a relative so please be gentle...

At 39yrs I met my ex and told him that I would only date if he would consider having a family. He agreed to this. Fast forward 18 months and we find ourselves with "unexplained infertility"...actually he took anabolic steroids and didn't want to tell me. We had to have ICSI because of his low sperm count. This failed and we were told we couldn't have anymore attempts. The ex refused to contribute to ivf (he earns a fortune), but he cleaned up his act and his sperm count increased although his DNA fragmentation was high. Another year rolled by with him avoiding talking about the subject, but us still "trying" until October. Then he tells me he doesn't want to be a dad AGAIN, after all. He doesn't fancy changing nappies and having sleepless nights.

I'm now early 40s, back in my own home and trying to pick myself up from this. I'm doing my best not to cry every day and politely smile at all my well meaning friends who suggest I should JUST adopt. One of these well meaning friends is now pregnant after trying for a short period of time. I was happy for her and managed my responses well, but today I feel incredibly low and lonely. I texted my mum to tell her that I was feeling down about infertility (I rarely ever confide in her), she TEXT back, "Well you're going to be an auntie again". It never fails to amaze me how completely insensitive people are on this subject - especially our own family. I've spent the best part of this evening sobbing. 

I know that I am likely to be alone for the forseeable future....no man seems attracted to the clock ticking 40 something, so I am considering adopting or even getting a sperm donor. I'd be really grateful to hear from any of you who have done this either way, please share your stories, thanks.


----------



## MargotW

At the age of 38, my friend split up from her partner as he didn't want children. She has a baby through donor sperm and is absolutely delighted with him, she seems to be coping far better than some of my friends who have had a child with a partner.


----------



## deblovescats

Amber - I really feel your pain. My answer is - go on, do it by yourself - you can do it! 
I had always wanted a family but never met the right guy, and the clock was ticking desperately, so I went for it. Due to my age, I had to go for double donation IVF and now have two gorgeous children - my son is 3 1/2 and my daughter is 14 months. I also have 2 frosties in storage that I am planning to try to use.
It is hard on my own sometimes, although I have good friends and family, but essentially they are my responsibility, but I have never regretted doing it. Smiles from them make it all worthwhile. I didn't want to go through life without having a go at becoming a mum and I am still hoping that one day, I might meet a worthy partner, but in the meantime I have my children. And if I don't meet anyone, I still have them. Life is so much better for them being here and I love them totally! 
Good luck


----------



## 63smc

Hey!

I am 32 and in the middle of switching from IUI to IVF/ICSI with donor sperm! I guess I am one of the younger ones going the single-mom-by-choice-route, but I just always knew I wanted children and don't want to risk waiting around for too long or (and that is much more important to me) have a family with the wrong partner just because I want children now.

I got a few comments about giving myself more time to find 'the one' because I am still so young (turns out my AMH and FSH didn't get that memo), but overall the responses have been very positive (so brave, awesome, etc.). 

In your position I wouldn't wait. You know you want children and you've already gone as far as ICSI, which shows that you actually really, really want this. I am not sure where you live so I can't recommend, but maybe just get an account at a sperm bank and start browsing profiles and listening to audio interviews. That makes it a lot less abstract quickly and you'll see how fast you can narrow it down to someone you like. I started looking into sperm banks exactly one year ago, found my donor within two weeks and am still happy with my choice. There were some things that I had to wrap my head around (potential number of half siblings, psychological consequences for the children), but with some great books and blogs I quickly made my peace with all of it.

I can recommend this book: Modern Families: Parents and Children in New Family Forms by Susan Golombok. The writing style is a little scientific, but it gives you an overview of the most important studies on the topic. 
Also type 'donor child' or 'donor conceived children' into youtube and you'll get some interviews and documentaries. I especially liked these: 
Victorian Assisted Reproductive Treatment Authority (VARTA)


----------



## littlemisshappy2018

Hey Phoenix! I’m 32 and in similar position but a few medical issues mean I could do with having a child ASAP then artificial menopause injections, eventually having ovaries out... I have had comments with family who I am not speaking to now regarding similar stuff - “still young” etc & not understanding my medical issues. First appointment next week at the clinic to see what they advise - my gynae consultant referred me. Quick question - I currently have the coil to help with pain - should I have this removed prior to appointment could any suggest advice?! Will it affect fertility tests?? I’m not sure what to expect at the first appointment and don’t want to take it out too soon as I don’t want to be in pain!


----------



## Pebbles87

Hello ladies, I'm new to this forum and at 30 I guess you could say I'm also one of the 'younger' single mums by choice - some recently diagnosed fertility issues has pushed my "if I've not met someone by the time I'm 35" plan forward a bit.

Littlemisshappy, I can't offer too much advice about the coil, although I have my first apt in a few weeks and as part of that I have to have an internal scan - I'm not sure if the coil can effect this, so it could be worth giving your clinic a call and checking, just in case you end up having a scan too? 

Phoenix, I'm in a similar boat to you by the sounds of it - my fertility issues definitely gave me a nudge, but it was as much about the fact that I was desperately online dating in the hope of finding someone to have a baby with, that I realised I'm much happier going it alone that settling with the wrong person.

Amber, I really feel for you and what you've been through, although it sounds like your better off without your ex - better this happened now than further down the line. I agree with the others, you have to do what makes you happy - you don't want to fall out with relatives, but at the same time it's your future not there's. I have the auntie comments too (my mega fertile twin sister) and they're hugely insensitive and upsetting. You never know, maybe going ahead with a sperm donor could be more successful than ivf with your ex. I wish you every bit of luck with whatever you decide


----------



## 63smc

Hey Pebbles and littlemisshappy!

So happy to see there are more 'young' women trying to become solo mums here. I have started down-regulating on Monday and will start FSH-injections on Feb. 22nd. I already booked my hotel for egg collection in the beginning of March. 
I am kind of excited that it's all starting, but at the same time dreading the BFN already. Ugh.

Where are you treatment-wise?


----------



## littlemisshappy2018

Hey! Glad to see the thread is active! You sound much further ahead Phoenix. I’m having my coil out and smear test at the end of next week, scan the week after and dye test after I have my first period. Also have my bloods done then. Did you have to pay for the AMH blood test? Was it useful? The consultant said it was £100 but if it doesn’t give you much more info, not sure I want to pay for it! I’m going self funded via NHS hospital so this is the only thing at the minute I would need to pay for x


----------



## Pebbles87

You're also much further on than me Phoenix - my first apt with the consultant isn't until the 5th March (long waiting list!), I'm having my scan and blood tests on that same day so the dr can discuss my results. Not sure at the moment whether I'll try IUI first or go straight to IVF so interested to hear what the dr says. So sorry to see you've not had success with IUI - hopefully IVF will be the one for you. How are you finding it so far?


----------



## BroodyChick

Sorry to read about your time-wasting guy, AmberJ - those guys need a good shake.
Have you been to any adoption evenings? Coram do them, as will your local authority. It was my plan B, before plan B became donor sperm (co-parenting). Genuine co-parent men are rare, but I didn't want an unknown sperm donor via a sperm bank, although I looked at some profiles.
My known donor and I get on OK, I have a 3.5 year old and am newly pregnant again from a left-over embryo from the same cycle.

Whatever you decide, there are massive and supportive communities of single women on their way to motherhood and beyond, there are several hidden ******** groups as well as meetings organised by the DCN which are very supportive of solo mums by choice. They also run workshops.
Just to add, a good support network is absolutely essential!

No you don't need a bloke, but you won't be able to adopt without reliable people close by and willing to be involved, so this should be an important consideration for conceiving with donor sperm too.


----------



## RFairyGodmother

Hi Ladies

I am returning to this site after the amazing support I found and reciprocated four - five years ago.  My ex-partner and I have 4 frozen embryos left and we have an appointment at the ivf clinic this week to firstly see a counsellor (because we are separated) and then to see a consultant next month re using one of them.  Quite daunting (because we are not together)!  He has agreed to let me use the embryo.  Is anyone else on here in a similar position?  Would be lovely to chat with some of you ladies and to hear your stories too xx


----------



## BroodyChick

Hi Sunshine!
Yes I remember you from way back when in 2013.
I had a little boy from my FEt following fresh IVF which ended in a miscarriage, and between the mc and the FET I learned some info about my intended co-parent (we were never a couple) and around 6 months later decided to go ahead with FET on my own (I had met a boyfriend by then), but without the direct support of the donor.
My son was born and the boyfriend left, but the donor has stayed in our lives at arm's length. I used my last remaining embryo from that cycle in January with his consent, and I am now 5 weeks pregnant.
Important to consider for you is that the clinic will still consider you a couple, and for paperwork purposes your ex will be the legal father (same situation with me and my donor). For each try, your ex will need to sign again in person. You don't need to tell them whether you are together or not.
However, you should not put him on the birth certificate if you intend to parent alone. It won't affect your child's rights for maintenance. I went via the cma for my son's sake and my donor has reliably paid what is due. However he has no parental responsibility, which I am assuming your ex also won't want.
This doesn't stop you for making arrangements for him to see the child, if he wants.
The penny has recently dropped for my son that the donor is his 'daddy', so it will be up to the child to define their relationship when they are older, if they see the donor/your ex. There are plenty of books to explain about different family set-ups, including 'no daddy at home', just mum and I, and so on, and the DCN has some good resources and a library where you can read books before deciding to buy them for your child.

I know several people with known donors, the co-parenting doesn't work reliably well in my opinion, but it's exciting to have a person who wants to do this with you and can answer questions to your child.x


----------



## RFairyGodmother

Hi Broody Chick

Yes, I remember you too! Congratulations on your pregnancy!!  Bet you are so chuffed.  When is your scan?  I think we were in the same chat groups back in 2013/14.  I had a little girl in late 2014!  She is wonderful and really want a sibling for her.  I'm 43 now so think this is my last chance really.  We told the clinic we are separated as just wanted to be honest to avoid any complications.  Just going to try the once and leave it up to fate.  By the way thanks for telling me about the books.  My ex is a good dad and sees my little girl regularly, its just us that aren't compatible.

Be nice to chat with you on here knowing we will be in a similar situation (I say optimistically).


----------



## BroodyChick

Hey again Sunshine,
Sorry for the late reply!
Funnily enough, 29 of us from that chat who had kids in May-July 2014 are on a ** group and have annual meetups, the next is in March. It's so sweet to see pictures of all the kids and share updates and milestones.
I am so pleased you had your little girl, my DS is a right handful and I am daunted how I'll cope with 2, but I plan to move nearer my mum.

It's fab your ex will take an active role as a dad, it helps so much if you can co-parent successfully.
I also left my final FET to fate (couldn't be faffed to keep paying storage for something that may not be viable, and I am 40 now) and amazingly it worked!
My scan went well, heartbeat, growth and positioning all looked normal and good xx


----------



## RFairyGodmother

Hi Broodychick and everyone

Aw, fab news re your scan, hope all going well.  Have been trying to get online since I read your message the other day but my internet has been playing up - maybe because of the snow.

How many weeks are you now?  

Have the consultation next Thursday then should be good to go with the FET fingers crossed.  

Hope to speak soon xxx


----------



## Pebbles87

Hello ladies

I had my first consultation and ultrasound scan yesterday and my head is in a bit of a spin - there's so much to take in! My plan is to have IUI via the clinic (Care) and so following on from my appointment, I believe I need to get my tubes checked, chlamydia screening, rubella screening, arrange my implications counselling (for being a single woman and using donor sperm) and start looking into where I want to purchase sperm. I had planned on purchasing sperm from the clinic, but my consultant advised against this due to long waiting times, so he recommended European sperm bank and another place that I can't remember (may have been Canadian?). 

I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed and would love to hear how other people are getting on (or have previously got on) throughout the process?


----------



## Linzi87

Hiya Pebbles87

I'm also a single lady going through IUI. I know it's all alot to take in but I found once id started on my journey I got right into the swing of things. 

Regarding sperm, I didn't purchase any from my clinic as they didn't have any available for IUI so I used the semovo clinic in Manchester. It's about £850 for 1 amp but they were really good. 

I'm onto my 2nd IUI now and having my day 14 scan on Thursday. The hardest part is the waiting after the procedure to see if it's worked. 

I hope everything goes really well for you and I wish you lots of luck xxxx


----------



## Pebbles87

Hi Linzi87

Thanks so much for getting back to me so quickly! Glad to hear you soon got into the swing of things, hopefully it will all become clearer for me soon!

I'm going to look into the semovo clinic, I think something like this is good to have recommendations and I'd rather pay a little more for a better service - it's not really something I want to scrimp and save on!

I'd seen in another thread you'd had IUI last month - so sorry to hear it wasn't successful first time round, but I'm wishing you every bit of luck for this one. Hope your scan goes well on Thursday xxx


----------



## Berry76

Hello all

I am a 41 year old single straight gal desperate to have a baby, have been trying for almost a year. have had a failed IUI and because of my age and a lower than normal AMH it is taking some time, wondered if there was anyone else in the same situation that would be happy to share their experiences. I am currently doing daily FSH injections (Gonal-f) and having scans every 2-3 days to monitor follicle growth.....definitely more intense and stressful this time round as know what is happening, and not sure if I can face another BFN - sharing is caring!!! I look forward to talking to you xx


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## Berry76

Hi ladies

I am very new to this site but am 41 and single....ended a long term relationship about 10 years ago with, what I thought was my soul mate, spent many years being the 'fun stepmum' to his 3 children but as soon as the topic of having our own children came up he ended it. Since then been waiting for 'mr right but think he is lost somewhere and time is running out. Decided a year ago that I wasn't waiting about anymore so after my gp said I wouldn't be eligible to any nhs support I contacted my local fertility clinic. Tests showed I have low amh levels so egg reserve low for age....had a cycle of iui with donor sperm in November that failed and started 2nd cycle 2 weeks ago...been doing daily gonal-f stimulation injections and scans every 3 days but today the cycle had to be stopped as no follicle growth. Really hard doing it alone. All my family think I'm crazy potentially giving up my wonderful 'single life' and don't get it. I have a couple of colleagues I can talk to but guess I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed.....nice to know other people on this site are do going it alone with success. Be nice to chat and get some advice/support from like minded people.....today has been mainly spent eating chocolate and crying .....think that might be the 12 days of FSH injections making my hormones all jumbled!!!

Look forward to hearing your success stories and knowing im not alone in this xxxxx


----------



## Planetloon

Where in the country are you located? There are many solo mums, thinkers and tryers out there. It might be worth joining the DCN to meet up with some women local to you and I’m sure they'll introduce you to others. X


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## notamuggle

Hiya, I’m 39 and I’ve just had a beautiful baby boy after 14 IUIs and 6 miscarriages 

My blood tests and hormone levels have always been normal so I do t have any advice there I’m afraid but good luck xxx


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## Berry76

I'm on the south coast of Uk. Hampshire.  Xx


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## kittykat76

Whereabouts in Hampshire? I had a baby 16 wks ago and am in Southampton


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## Berry76

Hi kittykat76. I'm in gosport x

Congratulations xx


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## kittykat76

Not far then! If you want to chat please feel free to PM me x


----------



## Berry76

Thank you Kittykat76 xx


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## Emsne

On the face if it (from scan) I appear to have no issues with fertility. What are the pros and cons of IUI/IVF aside from cost?


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Emsne
Yes IUI much cheaper but by doing IVF you might get some frozen embryos to enable you to try for a sibling later if you were successful initially.  As you are mid 30s then IVF might be the sensible option if you were thinking more than one child because by the time you got around to considering another child you could be approaching 40.  IVF would help preserved your fertility as it is now and I'd go for it with PGS so you know the embryos you have replaced or frozen are the best they can be.
TCCx


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## Emsne

Thank you TCC. Yes of all goes to plan I’d like to try for sibling. Good point re fertility several years down the line. Could you explain more about why you’d do PGS please? X


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## Avnire

hello, just want to introduce myself. Single, age 40, London and would like to have a baby. Was surfing on donor websites for almost a year till I found a donor (he dumped me after getting annoyed with someone else), now trying with another guy via AI at home. Three unsuccessful attempts so far. I have low ovarian reserve and would be keen to move towards an IVF but the donor guy is always 'busy' to do a sperm analysis, I wouldn'd be surprised is he wouldn't have a commitment to fly with me to Athens.. I am stuck and upset. That's me at the moment.


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## Tincancat

PGS will screen for the main Trisomy conditions such as Downs Edwards and Patau's.  Then hopefully this will reduce miscarriage risk.  It is however expensive to PGS in the UK so you may not want to do this.
TCCx


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## BroodyChick

Sadly a scan on Tuesday showed my baby has died, growth a week off and no more heartbeat :,(


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## Emsne

So sorry to hear this sad news BroodyChick.   

Thank you TCC

Welcome avnire. Sorry to hear you are feeling stuck. Have you been to a fertility clinic yet or still pursuing it with AI at home?


----------



## BroodyChick

Thanks Emsne - where are you based? It is so nice to get to know and meet other single mums, and hear their experiences from the horse's mouth so to speak.
Some of my friends were on ITV Lorraine yesterday talking about their paths to solo motherhood, I am sure you can google the video!x


----------



## Emsne

PM sent broody chick


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## Tincancat

Sorry about you news Broody.

Avnire it would never have crossed my mind to have looked for an identified donor myself unless they were previously known to me.  I'd always be afraid such a man would at some point try to take my child from me or at least share custody etc.  With a donor used from a clinic this can never happen. Plus at least using a clinic donor they are screened for many genetic diseases so less likely a genetic condition to happen in my children  than finding my own donor. 
TCCx


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## Avnire

Hello Tincancat 

Well, I would have preferred someone I know, asked my guy friends but no one came forward. Actually two of my friends found donors online and had babies like that. Knowing how many weirdos there are on the sperm donor scene, I do not trust anonymous donors at all. Yes, once I met a gay guy and the alarm bell went off, I had a feeling that he wanted to claim right to a baby, but most of the time these guys are terrified for being identified, the last thing they would want is to be on a birth certificate and having to pay maintenance. It's non-anonymous, as I met them, but I do not know much about them. At least after having met I know if they are okay people or not. I have a feeling about their looks, health and intelligence. Also, I would need a narrative for myself and the baby too. If you are single and use anonymous donor, what will you say to the baby? How will you explain how their life came about? Not knowing who your father is might leave an emotional black hole for the entire life.

Anyway, home insemination doesn't seem to be working. My blood tests are not great, high FSH, low AMH and high estradiol. So it has to be IVF if I would like to have a baby. Might have to compromise on the donor issue though as getting "my helper" to Athens will not be easy. That's the downside of using a donor, you are no one to them. That is my dilemma. I just don't want to use anonymous donor.. I just couldn't choose and it just wouldn't feel right.


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## deblovescats

Avnire - good luck with what you decide. I'm with Tincat on the donor issue. You have to be careful with finding a known donor online as there are some strange people out there! I sometimes worry about what to tell my children, but I hope that I've created a secure family unit and my children have lots of people who love them, including male role models. I realise there may come a time when they want to know who the donor is (I do not say father, as a father is someone actively involved in a child's life) but I would rather that than using someone I don't really know. At least there are no complicating factors of a man wanting to be involved with my children who I'm not in a relationship with.
I hope my children realise how much I wanted them and how much I love them and this will make up for how they were conceived.


----------



## Berry76

So, last cycle of IUI abandoned as no follicles growing at all - bloods done and AMH worse than previous so told yesterday that only options available to be at present would be donor egg and sperm - but only 20-25% chance of success OR donor embryo - which, I confess I don't know much about but assume that this is the frozen embryos that have been donated by families after they have completed their families - which the clinic said has a 60-65% success rate - I need to get my BMI down a little and get some counselling and then once I make a decision to go for it, wait for an embryo to became available - anyone have any experience with this at all and can offer any advice, Doing this all alone, my family think I am crazy to keep going and don't understand why I just don't accept that I cant do it myself and give up!!! Support and advice on here would be very much appreciated.

Many thanks, xxx


----------



## Emsne

Hello berry

I don’t have any experience of donor embryos. I am shortly trying for first time with donor sperm... ivf has much better success rates than IUI and I am likely to go for ivf rather than IUI for this reason. It must be hard not having family to support your decision to not give up. Do you have any friends who support you? You definitely haven’t exhausted all options in my opinion. Keep going!! X


----------



## Tincancat

Hi Berry I used donor eggs and donor sperm to create fresh embryos just for me.  The success rate is far higher than you have been quoted but I went abroad.  As regards donor embryos in UK they would be left over from someone else's treatment but abroad they often run another donor alongside the first choice donor so if anything happens the patient has a backup.  These concurrent donor eggs are then formed into embryos with donor sperm.  You can then give your characteristics and they match you with something they have in the freezer.  Only problem is many European countries won't treat solo women plus donor anonymity.  I initially struggled with the anonymity element but decided in the end DNA tests are so readily available my boys could join donor registers when older to find genetic half siblings or even donors.  There is not guarantee an identified donor can be found once a child reaches 18 plus they may not want to meet the child.  Genetics alone do not give a child a sense of identity.
TCCx


----------



## Emsne

Does anyone know whether a natural cycle length has a variance in how long it takes for eggs to be mature in an ivf cycle? My cycle is quite short- 22-26 days and I wondered if egg maturity was likely to happen quicker because of this. Not had any rounds of ivf yet...


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## Protea123

Hi ladies 
After weeks of reading the amazing stories on these forums I now feel this is the right time for me to join. 
I started my infertility journey a year ago ( Mar 2017) , when I realized that of all the potential relationships I had in the last 5 years, they were not going to lead to  my 'happily ever after' and I would need to seek the most important life goal (to be a mommy), on my own. Then, by fate, I met an incredible friend who was willing to be my donor in this journey, which gave me more strength and determination, than ever. After a year of investigations at 2 clinics, work commitments and trying naturally (which failed on at least 5 natural cycles), my first IVF attempt took place at my 3rd clinic in Feb 2018. I had 5 eggs at EC and 3 of them were mature and eligible for IVF. Unfortunately no fertilization had taken place and that was the end of that cycle. I decided to go straight back into another attempt on the next cycle with doing ICSI/IMSI thus guaranteeing fertilization - 5 eggs were retrieved this time, with 4 being mature. IMSI resulted in 3 embryos ( grade 1 8-and 10-cell and a grade1-2 8cell) transferred on day 3 with assisted hatching.
I was so hopeful especially with some positive symptoms during my 2WW. Sadly OTD ( 06/04/1 I got a BFN - I have never felt so heartbroken and deflated 😢. After 2 days of crying, I am ready to think about the next attempt and tempted to go straight back into it with the next cycle as I am between jobs atm, and it is virtually impossible doing this while working. 

I hope I have the strength to do this without a break. I'm not in a position to confide with friends about thus journey- so glad for this forum. 
Are there any single women meet ups in London?
Thank you for listening ☺

Emsne- not sure , however I suspect because the IVF cycle is such a controlled process, your natural cycle length does not affect things. Ovulation will be suppressed by meds during your stimulation and the clinic team will judge when to do that by the response in your hormone levels. Goodluck😊🌺


----------



## Bigsky

Hello all you lovely single ladies, 
I have been a bit of a lurker here whilst at same time as actively participating in the slow death of my last relationship with the realisation that he didn't really want kids or to be a father well at least not any time soon. Time to move on....

How amazing to have the support network of other single ladies in similar situations here, it makes me very grateful that the internet exists and certainly makes me feel less alone in my thoughts.

Im 39, nearly 40 and have actually been having various tests since I was around 36 nearly 37 and at that time considering freezing my eggs after the breakdown of another serious relationship ( this time kids had been in the plan but he is now instead married to the girl in his office he employed)
At that point I went to Spain to do my initial tests and after forking out a small fortune on the drugs I was due to come back in a month or two to undertake the freezing procedure but at that point my normally regular periods went haywire and I wanted to wait and try and get them back on track. I was particularly stressed at that point and feeling pretty heart broken and let down so I worked on myself a bit, dated around, got well into yoga etc.... Long story short I never froze my eggs and the money for the treatment disappeared as my work situation changed.

At that point in Spain my amh was 9.8 pmol -lowish as I understood but follicle count ok. Fast forward to dec 2017 my nhs test for amh was 4.8 pmol  and folicule count was 5. I was pretty shocked that it had dropped quite so rapidly and has sent me into a bit of a panic after all this is a time period of only around 1.5 years since the first test I had already felt pretty worried after the first result as previous to that had always believed I was super fertile. I also discovered recently I have one tube at least partially blocked, not sure how bad it is and I may be naively believing that it might clear naturally. I have a Laparoscopy booked in for a couple of weeks time so I guess I will know more on this front shortly.

Right sorry for the rambling background story, my question is have any of you undertaken treatment with sperm donar in Denmark?  When I first started having thoughts of going solo Lister was top of my list but I have read a few good cases for treatment in Denmark and I would love to here some of your personal stories and advice on the mater. Costs certainly seem more affordable and I really like the idea of going somewhere where that is very open to single women and see it as perfectly normal. Plus I love to travel genrally although I imagine multiple rounds of IVF and back and ffurth on Ryan air may not be so fun!
Im yet to find out if maybe IVF is my only and best option but would preferably like to try IUI first if it turns out my tubes are ok

Anyway over to you - would love to hear from you, 
and thanks in advance x


----------



## Tincancat

If you were thinking of sibling then probably best to go for IVF now then you can freeze your fertility as it is now.
TCCx


----------



## Bigsky

Thanks Tincancat, 
You are right I hadn't thought so much about the sibling thing, have been so focused on  the idea of maybe never been able to have one child that hadn't allowed myself the opportunity to think about the possibility of having one. What you advise in going to straight to IVF is right and makes total sense, where on earth I am going to find the funds is a whole new issue.

Thanks x


----------



## Miss Milly

Hi,

I've just joined and wanted to say hi.
I'm a 43 year old single female. I've been thinking about babies for a few years now, and for whatever reason haven't met the right guy at the right time. So, I'm now 43 and 3 months old and properly looking into the possibility of having a donor baby. I got my AMH test back last week, 13.29, apparently not too bad for my age? But, of course, this doesn't give an idea of what kind of condition they're in. Last appointment with doctor at fertility clinic was a bit strange - she couldn't answer all of my questions but was urging me towards going for donor eggs. I'm just not quite sure at this stage. Given that my egg reserve isn't too bad, wouldn't it be better to try with my own eggs first? I know there are risks. And I know a lot of this come down to personal preference/choice. I've been trying to read as much as I possibly can. But sometimes my brain feels like it's going to pop with information overload!
Would be lovely to hear back from any of you that have time and have gone through/are going through some thing similar.  Many thanks in advance


----------



## Felix42

Hello, wishing you lots of luck. I started out a similar age to you and tried one IUI but then IVF a few times before I moved to DE abroad. I'm now 52 with two DE children aged 5 and 8 and every step on the way I am grateful for as it led to them. Would definitely recommend treatment abroad as it is cheaper and excellent. I went to Czech Republic but Serum in Greece is meant to be really excellent too. Sending luck and v excited for you starting out on this life changing journey. F xx

PS I believe Czech Republic no longer treat single women (tightening up rules which previously existed) but Greece and Spain are good options in my experience of friends going there. I also have friends starting out similar age to you who have Own Egg children but obviously it's more difficult but dependant on the individual and the number of treatments you can afford. I needed to exhaust the possibility of OE before I moved to DE personally but have never looked back or regretted the decision. F xx


----------



## 63smc

Hey Bigsky

yes, I have done both IUI and IVF/ICSI in Denmark and can definitely recommend my IVF clinic if you're interested. I have done IUIs with one clinic in Copenhagen (easier to travel to) and IVF with a different clinic which I liked a lot better. 

Feel free to PM me if you want.


----------



## Miss Milly

Thank you Felix42. Lovely to get a reply. Thank you for sharing and for your advice.
Is 13.29 an OK AMH result? Bit confused with reading so many different things on AMH.
Seeing a doc again next week to discuss things further.
Way I feel right now is if my AMH is ok then I would much rather try using my own eggs. 
Thanks again. So nice to hear you have 2 beautiful children. xx


----------



## Tincancat

Miss Milly yes it's worth a try with your own eggs and it might be worth doing embryo banking with Serum in Athens if you have the time and funds.  There they use Clomid and take you through around 3 cycles close together and get you as many embryos as they can to day 5 stage and freeze them.  Then you can get the best put back in natural cycle or minimal medicated cycle.  There is increasingly evidence that if your body has just been through a stimulated cycle it's less likely to be receptive to embryos.  Many Spanish clinics are switching to FET only to understand.  Spanish clinics are however expensive.

Another alternative is a Tandem Cycle to give your own eggs a chance.  In this a donor is stimulated at same time and eggs collected from donor plus yourself.  All embryos are taken to day 5 and you can put back anything you have left of OE plus DE in any combination you like.  I only know of Tandem Cycles done in Cyprus.  If I'd have known about Tandem before my successful DE treatment this is what I'd have done.  Instead I wasted a lot of time and money on  failed IUI and IVF in UK on OE  before switching to DE abroad. 
TCCx


----------



## Bigsky

Thanks for the reply Phoenix, 
it would be great to talk and run through some of your experiences with the clinics in Denmark, 

I will PM you xx


----------



## Flipper40

Hi, 
I am new on here too.
I am 44 and signed up for double donor IVF. My hormone levels are too low to consider my own eggs so moved on to using donor eggs too. I am using a clinic in Spain and went over for my initial consultation where I had an ultra sound and dummy embryo transfer.

Just as a I was getting over the shock of not being able to use my own eggs I was then told at the consultation that I had a polyp that needed removing and would need dilation for embryo transfer because me cervix is closed. So my period came early and I have just been back to have the surgery under general anesthic. 

The friends I have told were unable to get time off work to come with me so I went on my own. I was then told that during the operation the doctor had to cut my endometrium as my uterus was tubular and the cavity is not big enough. He also to,d me my lining is nit thick enough and he wants to start me on drugs on my next period.

So more hurdles to jump over and I am now home feeling rough after the op and trying to control the pain with Ibuprofen. Have cramps and pains in my shoulders which I think is normal but feeling breathless and light headed. 

It has been a tough road so far and I haven't even started the cycle. It has made me more determined to peruse my dream but am feeling incredibly lonely and isolated. So I thought I would join. Up here and see if we could support each other through this journey.

It has been great to read everyone's posts and positive stories. So thank you for sharing xx


----------



## Tincancat

Gosh Flipper what a rough time you have had and you have not even started.
How come you ended up choosing Spain. My experience is it can work out expensive and you have no choice of donor. 
TCCx


----------



## Flipper40

Hi, 
I know it has certainly been a roller coaster just to get to this point, but feeling positive that I am not going to let these problems beat me.

I chose Spain after a recommendation from a friend.She had 4 round of IVF in the UK in 2 different clinics and then decided to go to Spain as she said it was cheaper and they had a completely different approach to treating women over 40. She told me that not only their protocol was different but that they also did all the test up front and were generally much nicer, caring and friendly. 

She was able to out me in touch with her co ordinater and get the ball rolling. Finding somewhere that was welcoming and that would look after me was important to me as so far I have attended all appointments on my own.

I also prefer the anonymity of the donors in Spain and I have told the clinic what characteristics I want in the donors. When they have found a donor they will send me the details and I can either say yes or no and they will co to use looking.

New to all this so I am sure I will learn more as I go along but for right now it feels like a good place to start and their success rates are pretty good. I have found the posts on here really useful though and Greece seems to be very popular.

Where have you tried TTC? Any advice for a newbie? 
Flipper xx


----------



## Tincancat

It's good to go with a recommendation Flipper that's how I found my clinic in Cyprus.  I'm an old timer at IVF and pregnancy as you can see from my profile.  If your Spanish clinc can offer you what you want then that's fantastic.  My interest in Spanish clinics waned when they told me I couldn't choose my male donor.  By going to Cyprus I had more choice over who my anonymous donors were plus it was cheaper and I only needed one trip abroad. 
My advice would be to remember things abroad are different and go with the flow. If you need any advice on where to get scans and medications just let me know. 
You might also find it helpful to join Donor Conception Network (DCN) as there are often local solo ladies groups where you can meet up with other solos going through same journey and those already with children. 
TCCx


----------



## Bigsky

Hi Flipper, 
Good luck with everything, Its hard to know what to say but  know also you are not the only one riding this roller coaster!

Im thinking of traveling to Denmark for what appears to be very reasonably priced IVF and have made contact with a few clinics and have been really surprised by the pleasant straight forward approach of the clinics so far. 

Does anyone have any advice of clinics in the UK where I could have reasonably priced scans to track follicle development etc along the way as I don't think I could afford to spend extended amounts of time in Denmark alone.
I am normal south East based, mainly London but also can travel to clinics in the UK if there are savings to be had.

Thanks xx


----------



## Bigsky

Oh one more thing, 
does anyone know again a reasonable place to get blood work done ?
I would like to check my amh levels again and when I did my LH an FSH levels on the NHS they were just taken on random date as i was not really having periods. 
For a while my cycle returned to normal and I was going to re-do the tests but they went all out whack again before I had the chance.

Does anyone know the exact importance of having these tests done at the right time of the cycle and how do you get around this when your periods has basically disappeared or is very irregular ?

Txx


----------



## Emsne

Hello bigsky

Maybe it is worth asking your go again for repeated blood forms? I have successfully done This for private uk treatment. 

My protocol requires amh as essential but LH, FSH and Oestradiol not necessary but beneficial before cycle starts. I think all these are essential once treatment starts though, to adjust dosage of meds. Yet to start first cycle so others may correct me if I’ve got this slightly wrong. Good luck x


----------



## Flipper40

TTC- thank you so much that is really good to know. I will check out the Network and see what is local to me.

Bigsky- I have heard a lot of positive things about the clinics in Denmark so would be interested to hear how you get on.

I had all those same hormone tests. My doctor used them to determine my egg reserve and quality. He also will use them to Taylor the protocol to my levels. Am hoping to start my first cycle next month. I used a really good clinic in Guildford who were able,to give me a same day appointment as I needed testing on day two. The only  down side they were not cheap at all so probably not the best in terms of price.

It was my first day back at work today after my hystoscopy on Friday. It was a killer!! I felt rubbish all day and the cramps have been non stop. Think I under estimated the recovery time. Everything I Read pretty much said right as rain in a day or two! Even the doctor said carry on as normal. I hope this passes soon!


----------



## Bigsky

Emsne and Flipper, 
Thanks both for your replies and good idea Emsne I will try another one of the forums related to testing.

Flipper I will keep you posted on the Denmark story as it unfolds, Im still very much trying to get my head around things and don't know if i'm quite ready to get on with things just yet although I did receive a reply from the clinic today saying they strongly suggest I commence straight to IVF due to my age and low AMH.  Such big decisions to be made with such time pressure. Its really tough but inaction is also very painful. I feel though I need to turn this into a far more positive experience and have a healthier outlook if its ever going to work for me so maybe some more time and self work and I will be better prepared for the rocky road that may lie ahead!


----------



## Bigsky

What was the outcome of your Hycosy btw Flipper40 ?

I had one in jan and I only remember a bit of pain at the time and then I was fine shortly after.
I apparently had one blocked tube but i had a laparoscopy last week to check everything and  apparently all clear and healthy? Im still feeling a bit shattered from that but the drugs took care of the pain at least!
I had actually been put on the NHS wait list for IVF when they considered it to be blocked although since then I think I have been removed. 

Hope you are feeling a bit better now x


----------



## Emsne

Sorry bigsky I re read what i wrote and there was a typo! I meant maybe try and get GP to re do any blood tests you need again to save money. My GP repeated bloods for me and has saved me a lot of money through private clinic x


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## Flipper40

Thanks Bigsky,

Feeling a bit better today, the pain has definitately improved! The inbuorofen is helping now too.
My hypy showed that I had a tubular uterus and they made some cuts to create a bigger cavity. I also had a polyp removed and they noticed my lining is thin so will start me on drugs to improve it on my next cycle.
I was quite disappointed that they found so many problems but the Doctor said he had corrected everything and I am still OK to go ahead with my first cycle. Will feel better when I actually start.

Great news that everything looked clear last week. Does that mean they will put you back on the waiting list or do they need to check your tube again? 

Glad to hear you have such a positive response from the clinic in Denmark. It is such a big decision and a big journey too. I was told the same thing because of my age and very low hormone levels. After being g told that I felt if I didn't get going as soon as possible my chances of success get lower and lower as the months tick on. Now I have started with all these tests and procedures it feels like the right thing to do. Everyone at the clinic have been really welcoming and supportive.

I haven't told my family yet but a few close friends know and I have been bowled over by their support and excitement. I thought they might think I was crazy or have loads of questions. I am now even more determined to over come all these hiccups and make my dream come true. After waiting so long to meet mr right and that never happening it is so nice to feel like I am in control.

Have you been able to talk to anyone about your decision?

Flipper40 xxx


----------



## Bigsky

Hi Flipper 40

so sorry for the really slow reply, I have a been a bit side tracked these past few days.

Also sorry to hear that you had a few extra issues to deal with during your surgery but sounds like they have been taken care of and you are ready to go when you feel set. When will you begin treatment in Spain? I have also herd good things about treatment in Spain.
In fact I flew out to Valencia at age 36 after a break up of a relationship with the purpose of freezing my eggs, I was meant to fly back the following month to innate the process but my periods went all whack and out of sync so I decided to wait for everything to settle before going on with the procedure. My periods never returned to normal and I have no idea still why, might of been the stress of my situation at the time or the doctor telling me after inspection that my fertility was normal for my age because for some reason I had believed with such assurance before that that i was super fertile so hearing just normal massively shock me which sounds silly now! 
I guess at that point a sense of panic really set in and I have been overplaying the various different life outcomes over and over in my head sense. Its pretty hard to imagine a future without a child.

Anyway back the here and now, you must be excited that things are moving forward.
I have been back and fourth with one particular clinic in Denmark and will arrange a skype call with them shortly, Im still not sure Im quite ready as daft as that sounds!?

I do talk to close friends and my mum about all of this, 
its difficult those with kids, kinda don't really understand why I would delay and to just get on with trying as they know I have been in some sort of painful limbo over the situation for some time. They are supportive though.
Single and childless friends don't seem to want to go too far into the topic If they are around a similar age they don't want to induce a similar panic in themselves so i feel they are choosing to ignore certain ages related fertility statistics and i'm trying very hard not to be the friend that always freaks them out with my own concerns.
In fact I have very few friends my age now without children most of the single friends I know tend to closer to early mid thirties and I don't think most of them are ready to address these concerns if they have them yet with the ongoing endless rounds of dates available on line, many live in hope of meeting mr right I guess.

Im glad you have some good support there!

This has probably been mentioned on this forum before but i'm listening for the second time to a wonderful podcast called NOT BY ACCIDENT if you haven't already listened to it I highly recommend it, its brilliant story telling and really takes you inside one women's journey to becoming a solo parent. I also find her voice and the music really calming.

Heres the link http://notbyaccident.net/podcast-episodes/

x


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## Flipper40

Hi Bigsky,

Please don't worry, things are manic here too. I don't know where this week has gone!

I have finally got over the surgery and am feeling much better this week. I really should have taken some time off work!

How are you feeling this week about your decision? Did you get in touch with your clinic in Denmark? Thank you for the recommendation of the podcast. I listened to the first one already and it sounds great. It's good to hear about someone else's experiences.

Great news this week I have now got both my donors and am having my embryo transfer in June. I am so excited but nervous that it is all now becoming so real. I am now waiting for my period to start so that I can start on the pill. It is so great to finally get some good news and get things under way. I feel like I have been waiting for this for years.

I am the same, nearly all my friends now have children and it just got harder and harder to watch and be around them. Although I am really happy for all of them it is is difficult and this helped me make my decision to try everything I can.

I got emailed a prescription today so now will need to figure out how to get this filled. I hope they take a print out!,

Xx


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## ellefivehundred

Hi all, I'm just starting out on here too.  I'm 39 and starting the IVF journey this week.  I live in the UK but am heading to Denmark on the weekend to start the process although had my initial scan here.  I was limited to Denmark and Israel as I wanted to go with an ID donor and my first choices to have treatment were Spain and Greece but they would only allow anonymous donors.  Nice to find somewhere to share experiences and support.  The podcast sounds great so I'll be listening to that this week!


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## Bigsky

Hey Ellefivehundred 

Thats exciting that your are starting treatment this week, how are you feeling about it all?
which clinic did you choose in Denmark?

Flipper40 how are you getting along with things ?

x


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## Flipper40

Hi Elffuvehundred,

Welcome and how is everything going in Denmark? Am thinking of you and hope it goes well.

Hi Bigsky, how Are you? 

Gosh the last 2 weeks have been so frustrating but finally getting somewhere. So my last perscription I ended up going to the family planning clinic and getting the PIL from them. My period never arrived and was over 2 weeks late so I contacted the clinic and asked a few questions as I was getting worried. They gave me a perscription for a tablet to bring AF on. I paid a fortune for the tablets and the AF arrived all by herself before they were delivered. So typical!!

Anyway I called the clinic and they changed my protocol and send me my drugs perscription. I pegged it up to London to collect them as I needed to start straight away. So yesterday I had my first injection and tablets. It took all my will to actually stab myslef but didn't hurt at all. Thought I got away with it until I woke up this morning with a killer bruise.

ET all booked for 19th June so I am going to fly to Spain a few days before and try and relax a bit. I am so excited to get started at last the last few weeks have felt like eternity! 

How are you doing with your plans?

Xx


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## apv87

Hi everyone! I am a single woman from Spain planning to do home insemination with Cryos and I will try my first attempt at the end of August. I have tons of doubts and worries, since the new legislation scene. ICI sperm has almost disappeared for private deliveries so now I have to pick IUI sperm, and I don't know how much to order. Cryos told me to buy 2xMOT10 but I was thinking of getting 1xMOT20 as my pocket is not so wealthy... So I can just make this one try and, if negative... Save as much as I can for the next one. What I would like to know is if one single straw of MOT20 IUI is enough to get a positive if I don't have any fertility problems... Also, I'm not sure how I will manage to order the delivery... Let's say my period begins the 25th of july and my ovulating day would be the 3rd of August, which is Friday. If I order the delivery on Monday and the shipment has a delay... Then it would arrive next Monday and my ovulating day would be over... This is what stresses me the most... How have you managed in order to get the delivery the right day?

Thanks for your attention!

A.


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## Moc

Hi,

I am just new to the site and hope it’s ok to post a new topic and it’s not here already. I am just about to embark on my journey as a single women IUI donor conception. I am planning on attending The London’s Clinic in Darlington as it is close to where I work. Has anyone attended this clinic before, it looks like it is open only Mon to Fri so I am a bit concerned about missing the optimum time for implantation. 
I am originally from Ireland and I moved here 2.5 years ago for a relationship that ended recently and was devastated not just for the loss of the relationship but also that our plans for a family were now gone. So I have decided to go it alone and not wait around.
Can anyone recommend any other clinics around the north east and if any of them open in 7 days a week? 
Also are there any groups that I could join would love to be able to meet other ladies going it alone or have gone through it alone before. I don’t know many people other than the friends I had with my ex, most of whom are couples and I can’t really talk to them about this.

I am grateful for any advice and am looking forward to chatting to you all xx 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## janieliz

Hi Moc,

I used to live in the north east and had a cancelled IVF cycle at London Women's Clinic Darlington. I think they are open some Saturday mornings. I also looked at James Cook as well but they wouldn't let me cycle until my FSH level were lower - this was IVF though. I think they also do DIUI at the QE in Gateshead and the CFL in Newcastle. I don't think either of those are open at the weekends. I ended up cycling in Greece for numerous reasons.
I don't think there are any groups solo mum groups up there as I didn't find any, but I left a couple of years ago so there might be now. it might be worth checking if there are any DCN groups up there? 

x


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## Moc

Hi Janieliz,

Thanks very much for replying to my post , I will look into Gateshead and Newcastle see and check if there are any DCN groups nearby. Xx

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## deblovescats

Moc - well done for deciding to go it alone. I decided to do the same as I was not in a relationship. I am in a DCN North East group for solo mums so look up on DCN. We are having a meet up in Whitby, North Yorkshire on 18th August meeting at 11.00. I realise this might not be close enough, but we aim to organise events across the region. There was one in April at Saltburn. Would be worth checking out - I find the support amazing.
I originally went to LWC Darlington, but for double donation. I personally was disappointed but obviously this was just how I felt, other women may feel differently. I have got to know someone else on FF and she also had a negative feeling. I had a fresh and a frozen embryo cycle both times got a BFN. I was disappointed that the feedback afterwards wasn't very thorough. However, this was back in 2012, so can't comment more recently. I think you need to contact as many clinics as you can, and see how you feel about them. When I went for an initial appointment with the consultant, I was in about 10 minutes. I changed clinics to CARE Sheffield and got a totally different feeling. My consultant appointment this time was very thorough and lasted an hour! This time, I got four blastocysts, the first fresh cycle gave me my son who is now 4, and the frozen cycle resulted in my daughter who is 2 in October. I have two in storage and am planning a further cycle. 
Might be worth checking out Sheffield although might be too far away for you.


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## JadeyEdge

I’m new and doing this on my own! Wanting to have a chat about financials, different support groups and advice really! 

I’m 29 and I am about to start going through my first round of IVF with a sperm donor in Spain! 

I am really nervous about the cost of raising a baby by myself, I know I will manage and have a big family to help too but it’s still scary! 

I also would love to speak to someone who has been through this and get some tips!! 

Thank you and wishing everyone the best of luck on their journeys!


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## Tincancat

Hi Jadey
Gingerbread website is good for finances and benefits.  For me the killer has been extortionate cost of childcare in the first 2 years.  Once 3 year funding kicks in it was better but my tax credits then went down.  You do work things out and find ways of managing.  If you have lots of family willing to help that's great.
TCCx


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## Flipper40

Welcome jadey edge and good luck with your cycle. I went to Spain for my treatment too. I can't really help too much as I am in the same situation as you. I am starting g to figure out the finances as well. Mainly during my Mat leave. I was hoping to take the full year but not sure I can afford it. The government web site has lots of I formation and a good calculator too. I am just trying figure out how much I will actually get paid and then I can figure out how much benefits I can get. 

It is scary but I am just trying to take one step at a time and like you said I know everything will work out and I will cope some how.


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## Helenbeau

Hi Ladies, quick question. How did Spain compare finacially for IVF with sperm donor? I can't afford UK prices. Czech Rep is out now I'm single although their prices are only 2000euros for IVF. Wondering where I should go for cheapest option? Can you use an non annonymous donor in Spain?
Many thanks ladies xxx


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## Tincancat

With Spain they will not let you choose the donor.  The medical team choose your donor and you only get information after treatment.  Costs work out not much better than UK.  Cyprus or Greece are better value with just as good success rates as Spain.  Cyprus is officially non ID donor but if you get the paperwork right you can choose an ID donor from Cryos with some help from the clinic.
TCCx


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## Helenbeau

Thnaks Tincancat,
when you say Cyprus is offically non ID but it can be worked around how does it happen? Should I be direct with them about what I want or is it not so straight forward? x


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## Tincancat

I didn't have ID release but I know those who have.  Speak with the clinics for some more information.  
TCCx


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## Bigsky

Hey Everyone, 
just wanted to check and see how you are all doing?
Would love to hear your updates......

Im finding this site really glitchy is anyone else struggling with PMs?  Does anyone else have this problem?
For those of you who use instagram and don't know there is a huge SMBC support network springing up and its really quite inspiring and good for support.

My situation has not progressed very rapidly as work and living arrangements have been rather unsteady and I have been trying to level those out however I figure I should not delay seeking treatment any longer than I already have and every thing does not need to be perfectly in place to do so.
I need to take baby steps to baby!

I had my first appointment lined up for IVF Syd in south Denmark for next week under recommendation of fellow single lady Phoenix  but have had to postpone due to some issues with my passport renewal (They spelt my name wrong !). Im so gutted about this as was started to feel more positive and excited the next available appointment is not for another 5 weeks  

Im may look into other clinics in Denmark in this time but its always nice to go with a good recommendation.

Phoenix incase you haven't seen I have sent you a couple of long PMs but when I check in sent messages I only see an old one ?
I hope the pregnancy is going really well  x


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## jenny86

Hi all, just thought I'd introduce myself. I'm 32 and have lean PCOS. I live in Dublin and am planning a medicated IUI using donor sperm (from the European Spermbank)


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## Bobetty

Hi All,

I joined this amazing forum a few weeks back but this is my first post. I'm heading to Serum, Athens in October for a hysteroscopy and consultation with Penny and I am hoping to do my first IVF with her in Nov. Best case scenario I'll have a couple of embryos to freeze. I plan on heading back in February for a second IVF and again the best case scenario will be to then transfer one fresh and one frozen at this time. I'll find out more about my protocol when I meet with Penny in a few weeks time.

I've had two failed IUI and two cancelled IVF in Ireland, I don't respond well to the drugs. I have low AMH. For each IVF I took the highest dose of drugs plus testosterone patches. I've tried a long protocol with buserelin for down reg (the burserelin caused terrible headaches so not doing that again) and a short protocol. The response to each was similar with 7 to 9 eggs but each time they grew in two separate groups so I would have only collected 4 eggs max. There was no suggested change to protocol after the second failed attempt and I have to wait two months for a follow up appointment with the consultant, I am done with Irish clinics at this stage. When talking with Sophia at Serum she suggested a lower dose of drugs to protect the quality of the eggs and to hope to harvest 3 to 4 eggs each time. That would be amazing. Penny said the protocol will be decided based on the findings of the hysteroscopy so already my confidence in their approach to each individual is high and I'm looking forward to meeting them.

Anyone else cycling around the same time at Serum? 

Baby dust to everyone xx


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## RFairyGodmother

Hi ladies

Recently had onr failed fet and hoping to start another one soon. Have been posting on fet thread but feeling a bit isolated as no one else seems to be single on there. So my ex agreed 2 years ago now to try for a sibling for our daughter who is 3.5. We have been separated since she was 6 months and we get on for so long in each others company and then simply get on esch oyhers nerves after so long. He usually comes out with, well im not going ahead with the fet which each time stresses me out and makes me wonder if im doing the right thing.  My daughter has just recently started saying she wants a sister or brother and I feel I would really like another child. Know im the only one who can make this decision. Its too late for meeting anyone else as im 44 (I mean to have a baby with). Feeling quite isolated. My gut tells me go for it. Just wish I didnt have to have him in my life but he is a good part time dad to our daughter.  Sorry for the rant. Hoping I can br a source of support for others in the future.


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## Millie-moo66

Hi all. 
Thank you all for sharing your truly inspirational stories. I’m going it alone in the hope to give my beautiful toddler son a sibling. 
My husband and I tried for 3 years to conceive with our DS and were acturally 2 weeks from our first cycle of ivf when we amazingly got a natural BFP. My husband was diagnosed as having very poor sperm (motility, mobility the lot!) we’d been trying to conceive for the last 18 months and a year ago, we fell pregnant again. I ended up losing our DS number 2 6 months ago. My husband has recently left me and as he walked out of the door, I was convinced that he’d taken my last opportunity to have another baby (I’m 36 and have NO inclination to meet anyone else!) That was until I had a brain wave and decided that “do I really need a man?!” 
When we underwent the fertility explorations before, they focussed mainly on my husband and I only had tests to confirm that I was ovulating and a hsg. So I’m looking for advice/recommendations on where I can go to have a fertility MoT before I even look at clinics to go to for the full treatment. In terms of clinics, I’m happy to travel and not too concerned about costs (as long as I know that I’ve got a good chance of success.) 
I live in Dorset and was wondering if there are any clinics relatively local to “just” have the fertility mot in the first instance?
Thank you in advance for any advice for a newly Singleton embarking on this incredibly scary but exciting journey x


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## Tincancat

Hi Mille Moo
I've often heard of ladies becoming pregnant after a HSG as it is believed to sweep the tubes clear so congratulations on your son. 
Good luck in your new solo journey.  I can't advice re local clinics but most do fertility MOT.  What you need is a clinic happy to deal with solo women and don't have a frosty attitude to solo mums.  I'm presuming you want to stay in the UK for treatment?  If so then your biggest hurdle will be finding a clinic who has sperm as many are short of local donors.  Some clinics source a donor from abroad to help or you can source yourself from sperm banks abroad and have it sent to your clinic of choice.  Importing sperm yourself means you get more choice and usually more details about the donor.
You could probably go ahead with IUI rather than IVF.  IVF is more expensive but would give you possibility of frozen embryos for further tries or for a sibling.  IVF then will in effect freeze your fertility at your age now where as several cycles of IUI would leave you a few months older. 
I'd explore what your local clinic has to offer to start with. 
TCCx


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