# Confused re trying again!



## elvie (Aug 13, 2004)

I have never been a broody type and thinking about it whilst I adore L utterly, at the same time I have mixed feelings about the idea of having another -especially given all the treatment involved in doing so...and it might not work anyway! 

I've thought of all the usual stuff re having another for ds, how it'd be nice when they're older.

Problem is I love my life the way it is with ds, I'm so grateful for him, we're a bit beyond the baby stage now and I just don't relish the idea of treatment again. 

I had an FET a few months ago and it was a pretty unpleasant experience - I got mildly depressed from some of the drugs at the start, hated the progesterone injections (much worse than the gonal ones), had to get the injections done by the GP every single day, then got preg (hurray) and then had a miscarriage whcih they suspected was an ectopic so had to stay overnight in the hospital etc. 

It wasn't an ectopic and at least I miscarried early and naturally, but given I'm not so sure I want another I just don't know now. 

Help! 

I'd really like some thought provoking posts to help me work this out! Dh is saying we should wait a while before deciding but I think he does want to try again. I def don't want to start treatment for a while if we did and he agrees but I just like to plan ahead!


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

Aw hun - didn't want to read and run.

You sound completely rational to me - it comes down to how much you want to have that 2nd really.  If you are happy then maybe you shouldn't?  It is such a tough thing to go through - but you will know if you do want to again, as us on the 'broodies' thread are finding out!

It's trickier if dh wants to do it again (although it's physically not such a strain for him, even though emotionally it is just as bad for them -possibly more so sometimes, when there is nothing physically they can do themselves.).  WE are in the opposite position - i desperately want to go agian, whereas dh would be quite happy to stop now. (he already has 2 other children).

I can't answer your questions for you - this is something you have to decide with DH.  i think he is right that you should leave it for a while to make a decision.  try to take your minds off it, do something different, enjoy your beautiful LO now, while he is still little, and something will probalby just nudge you to a decision in due course.

All the best for whatever you decide - just be kind to yourself and try not to stress and force the decision.

Hugs


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## elvie (Aug 13, 2004)

Hi
I am really quite rational about it - not upset - I just want to decide. I think if I were more broody and emotional it would be more obvious that we should go again - although much harder of course if it didn't work.

I only think about it from time to time but at some stage i'm going to have to sit with dh and talk it through so we can get on with it if we are going to do it again...

It's such a hard decision!


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## sallywags (Jun 27, 2005)

DH and i have had a couple of those chats in the last 6-8 months!  At the first one it was very emotional as i don't think he had the first idea how much i wanted to do it agian.  he now understands and is more supportive, even though he would not choose to do it again if it were just his decision.

It is very hard - and in some respects harder to make the decision when you are not emotionally/hormonally drawn one way or the other!

Keep rational hun - you'll make the right decision that way!

Hugs


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## ks123 (Nov 27, 2005)

We've decided not to have another, but there's still a little question in the back of our minds about it, especially as Darcey will be an only child with no cousins. Friends who have two are torn about it, they say it is so much harder work, but then it is really good to see the two playing together and it then gives the parents a break as the kids go off and play and stop nagging the parents to play with them. It is a tough decision. Good luck with whatever you choose.


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## Delores C (Dec 16, 2004)

This is certainly (as the others have said) only something that the 2 of you can decide together - but you certainly don't sound ready yet, so DH is probably right and it is best to wait a while.

I know it is an old one but when you are ready have you thought about writing a pros and cons list?

Are there any reasons that you think you should have another?  There is nothing wrong at all with having only one.  However, although treatment can be horrendous, hopefully that would only be for a short while and hopefully you would get a gorgeous babe from it - don't let that sound as though I am trying to persuade you - I just had the pgy from hell and am never doing it again!

Do you think you should perhaps have another because you think DH wants one - are you sure he does?  Is he trying to be as supportive to you as he can be and this leading to mixed signals?

Sorry - this is a load of old waffle!
There is no pressure to make a decision so take your time and enjoy your family as it is, I am sure you will know when the time is rigfht to make the decision. 
DC


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## ~ Chux ~ (Apr 8, 2003)

Hugs to you Elvie, what a tough decision for you.

I'm going to move you to the Hoping for Another Miracle section as there will be others there that may be feeling the same or have been there and decided one way or the other.

Chux xx


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## Tracy W (Jun 16, 2004)

I went through the same thing in 2006.  We had been trying for #2 but it wasn't working.  I had some investigative work done to make sure everything was ok and then as I was about to start cycle #6 I said to my dh that I didn't want to try any more.  I had just had enough.  Kayleigh was 3 and we were really settled.  DH really wanted to try again and dd was asking for a sibling but I just couldn't face it.

Kayleigh started school last septemeber and suddenly I wanted to try again.  We have 2 frosties on board at the moment and I test on friday.  I can't believe how much I now want #2.  

Believe me when you are ready you will know.

Tracy x


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## elvie (Aug 13, 2004)

That does sound very similar. I do wonder if I will be better able to deal with it all and also more into the idea of having another when L starts school...but I then also think maybe the 5 year age gap will be a bit tricky! Easier in some ways of course!


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## Tracy W (Jun 16, 2004)

I think we are all conditioned to the fact that a 2-3 year age gap is the best, both myself and my dh have that gap between us and our siblings but as children we fought like cat and dog with them.  It's only as adults we have really got close and then I really don't think an age gap matters.

It will be nice to be able to do all the baby stuff again with #2 and be able to do it at a one on one level whilst Kayleigh is at school, something Kayleigh had as she was the only one.


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