# Adopting after IVF



## Anthony Reid (Jan 1, 2002)

Hi Everyone,

I intend on speaking with UK government and also several adoption agencies and would like to raise any difficulties that you have had to go through, specifically because you have had IVF.

Please let me know, don't worry about overloading me with info - I need lots of help with this 

Tony
x


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Hi Tony,

To be honest we were hardly asked anything about our tx throughout the home study. I thought it would get brought up loads to make sure we had "dealt" with it, but it wasn't.

Good luck with your meet.

Fiona


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Hi Tony we too weren't asked a great deal about tx, initially we were asked a few questions but this was before we even started the prep groups. we were told usually they like you to have had a break of 1 year but by the time the next prep group came up we had had a 9 month break and the sw questioning us decided we seemed to know what we wanted

pam xx


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## Anthony Reid (Jan 1, 2002)

Thanks for your feedback


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Tony - i think I'm one of the "older" adopters in terms of how old my adopted children are now 

When we started the process all those years ago, 14 to be precise, we told our SW our decision was not to go down the IVF route so were asked no further questions.  

We had had the time to "grieve" and had decided this was the way forward for us.  The grieving period is usually 6 - 12 months after treatment but as we didn't go down that route we'd left it a while before we approached adoption agencies anyway.

Good Luck & hopefully a few more will respond to your thread.

Love
Andrea
xx


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

tony - we were not asked too much either.  We made our initial phone call in Jan 2005, and asked for a pack and said we would call back.  We called back in August, went to an opening day in Sep 2005, had our final tx in October 2005, had interview in Nov 2005 and prep course the same month.  We were not asked once when our last tx had been but said we had tried ttc etc and put it on hold which was enough to satisfy them.


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## Teoroy (Oct 1, 2004)

Just curious, how do they determine how long one will grieve? Someone may grieve all their loves, other might be able to take their decision in a day...it just seems unfair for others to determine how we should react/act in order to be approved.


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

i can only give you my view on it- for us personally we needed to be at the point of thinking "right we are not having birth children" and to be able to accept that- we have and at the mo dont plan to go back to IVF or TTC again

you need to have completed TTC and any fertility tx and be ready to put and end to that journey

hugs

xxx


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## Teoroy (Oct 1, 2004)

Thank you MJ! So if you are still considering tx, you are not eligible for UK adoption, right?


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

yes- thats right- you need to complete your IVF and be "over it" before thinking let alone starting adoption

xxx


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## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Hi Teoroy, 
Most SS want you to have completed treatment 6 months before they will consider you, although you can certainly be getting information and reading around adoption in that time. Another aspect of this is that unless it is impossible for you and your DP to conceive they will want you to use contraception when you are being considered for a child and when they are initailly placed. I think that as there is a real shortage of SW's and you can wait for a while to even start they don't want to take couples through the process who may then not go on to adopt if they conceive there own child, they want to see that you are completely committed to the adopting.
Viva
XXX


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## suffolklady77 (Aug 2, 2005)

hi teoroy 
I think you need to make your mind up which way you want to go. I have given up totally and having grieving time I dont think i need it as I have known for many years It may be impossible but ive given myself the time anyway as I read a comment on here from someone saying they wished they had given themselves longer!
-Gayle x


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## CAREbear1 (May 15, 2005)

Hi Tony

I had to be clear of Tx for 6 months before I could be considered


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## Teoroy (Oct 1, 2004)

Suffolklady, you are absolutely right. I will finish with all my tx before applying. Can't do both for economical reasons. Re, grieving, I'm not sure there's much more grieving left. I fell bad that my plan is changing. I so wished to start the adoption process but I can not stop the IVF. At least not yet. Love to all.


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## Diz74 (Jan 1, 2007)

Hi this is interesting as we have been thinking about moving onto adoption but at the same time want to give IVF one last go (for peace of mind really).  We made the decision on holiday that if the last cycle of IVF doesn't work we will apply for adoption, therefore I don't think it's fair that people who've had to go through IVF are then told they have to wait 6 months before even applying.  Depending on what sort of person/couple you are being able to actually start the adoption process could actually help the 'grieving' process I think.  I spoke to my local Council about this and they said that if we have already decided we want to adopt and are just giving IVF one last go then to ring them when we know the outcome and we can start the process all being well.

Another thing, one of my friends said that you can't even apply for adoption within one year of a miscarriage.  Well, I've had 4 m/cs so far (2 through IVF) and to be told that was like a huge slap in the face.  The chances are that I will get pg on our last cycle of IVF but at the same time no doubt I will m/c again.  By being told I would have to wait a year after that is just ridiculous and heart wrenching.  Every person/couple should be treated individually.  Having already had 4 m/cs I can say categorically that a year down the line I don't feel any better about it, in fact as time goes on without any hope of a family I actually feel worse, so I believe that in my circumstances to at least be able to start the adoption process (which in itself takes months) gives me some hope for the future.

Sorry, I'm not getting at anyone's opinions just the whole frustration of so many years ttc, years of IVF, several m/cs and then finally being slapped in the face again by being told about having to wait 6 - 12 months.  I think people who have fertility problems are being penalised and made to feel even worse about themselves through having a timescale to grieve put on them too.  After all, all we want is to be parents and have a family - which other potential adopters have so much proof and evidence of their desire for a family?

Diz x


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi

I want to give my own experiance on IVF and Adoption.

We had our last IVF cycle June/July 06-after taking time out to grieve and also had to wait 3 months for a review appointment(we had failed fert -no reason given) - on 1st Dec we were driving back from a visit to my family and decided we had both had enough of tx and were ready to move on to adoption-we had spent over 2years talking/researching it. i emailed the unit we are with on the 3rd dec and things have moved very quickly since then- we had our screening visit in Jan 07 and they needed more then anything that we were ready to adopt and not wish to have more tx for at least a year after our children are placed with us.

I know that most "like/require" you to have 6-12months gap post last tx/MC however a friend of mine (who is an FF member) who sadly had our last IVF sept 06 which ended in MC however she showed them that she was ready to adopt when she had her screening visit in nov/dec 06

I would personally say it depends what kind of person you are along with what the local unit/the one you choose requires

Good luck

xxx


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## jan welshy (Jan 18, 2003)

Hiya Tony,

For us Adoption was always going to happen (even if we had been lucky with any of the IVF's we were going to adopt after).

I think the points to raise, if I could with Parliament is that the process seems to take so long and seems to be uneven across the country (yet again). Some areas want you to wait following IVF (the length of time they want you to wait seems to vary). The length of time varies from first application to panel (some have been lucky and done all within 9 months (we are now into our 15 month and looks like it will be 17 months from first application to panel)). It took local authority 8 months to arrange their 'next' adoption prep course!

Sorry, saw my chance to rant and took it.


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

I have just been interviewed for my friends adoption process as a referee. The SW asked me about my own childhood/any children etc, so I told her about IVF- she then asked had I ever considered adoption and I said that I had but as I had started on IVF now I thought I should continue until completed and draw a line under it.  
I said to her that I understood that you had to wait a period between IVF and starting the adoption process and she said that there is no set time (in NW London) but they want you to exhuast all your opportunities of IVF first.  They have had couples who started the adoption process off and then droppped out of communication, and when they finally tracked them down and asked them, it was because they had got pregnant, she said that they are delighted for them but there is a lot of work into the adoption process and not really fair if they have matched children etc.

My friend also had to wait about 5 motnhs for the prep course and there were only a few people on it- her, another single woman, and a couple. She has been 13 months and should have gone to panel but the SW hadn't completed all the papers in time- she was very upset!! So new date for panel is end of Sept

L x


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## Anabelle (Nov 6, 2004)

Hi Tony

We have been very lucky, we didnt have any problems with the process.

For us the whole process has been quite quick, formal application was made with L/A in November 06, we were on a prep course in Feb 07 (although they did say we were first reserve for the Jan 07 course if someone dropped out), H/S started within 4 weeks and we went to panel July 07.  Whilst we are very thankful that it all happened so quickly, I have to say I agree that the process should be the same across the country, I read many messages on here where people are frustrated at the length of time they are having to wait to get to panel.

We were told that we had to wait 6 months after our last IVF, but we were very insistant and were able to assure them during our screening interview that we were well and truly done and dusted with ttc and IVF (I think I must have looked as though I was begging for them to accept us at one stage!).  I do know that part of the report that was submitted to panel did say that that we had been "tracking IVF and adoption alongside each other over a period of time" which I think helped, cos they could see that we hadnt finished with IVF and then just at that point thought about adoption. So I do think that L\A's should relax the 6/12 month rule.

A
x


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## hissie (Jun 3, 2007)

I know someone who intended on continuing down the IVF route even after they adopted their daughter. They didn't inform Social Services and went on to have twin girls.


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## Kate0103 (Apr 21, 2006)

Hi, im a newbie on this thread.  We've had a very tough year - after ttc for a few yrs we found that my dh had low sperm mortility and morphology and due to ovarian cysts i only have one ovary - the docs told us the only way to get pregnant was to go ahead with ICSI.  Our second attempt was successful, and i was pregnant with twins.  Sadly we lost both our baby girls due to premature labour - my waters broke when i was 21wks +5 days pregnant on the 30th March.  Three weeks later i ended up back in hospital with numb hands and feet and difficulty walking - after weeks of tests i was diagnosed with GBS - this is a sydrome where your immune system attacks your own nervous system. Ive been in hospital since mid May, i started to get a relapse a month ago and the latest EMG has shown that i have continued damage particularly to my feet and legs so they had now rediagnosed my sydrome as CIDP - which is the chronic version of GBS - which basically means that i could have further relapses for the rest of my life. At the moment im having rehab and the physio's are helping me try to walk again. Its a v slow process, i have v little  balance so life is hard.  The docs have recently told me that i shouldnt get pregnant again as when youre pregnant the immune system shuts down - after giving birth it restarts again and they are worried that it will start up in the wrong way and attack me again. So all in all this year has been the worst - we are still mourning our baby girls whilst trying to find strength to start to get my body back again. But i'm a v determined person - i think anyone is if they have gone thru IVF - so now we are going to start to look at the adoption process. I cant say for sure that i believe that its dangerous to try ivf again -  but all i do know is that we desperate want to be parents.  I have no idea where to start - it seems like a nightmare with all the paperwork and schooling - so i thought that maybe i could start the process whilst in hospital. My big fear is that having CIDP may cause probs adopting - i didnt think it would at first but after reading  various websites, it seems that there are many boxes that need to be ticked and maybe this will stop us moving fwd.  Dont think id know what to do if it did, so maybe  best not to think about. So any help would be really appreciated - where do i start - is it best to go private - is it best to go for a UK adoption or go abroad? All we know is that we'd like to adopt a baby under 12 months.  Please can someone help?


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