# Sperm - UK or import??



## smc81 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hi all

Was just hoping for some opinions - when I was told that the waiting list for sperm at the hospital was up to 2 years I made the decision to import from America - however, looking into this it seems that it is going to be quite a bit more expensive than I thoght.
Today I was told I am 15th on the waiting list and the wait is now only up to 6 months.

I'm wondering now whether to wait the 6 months and go with UK donor - plus being the money (although I hate to see it like that but if it takes numerous attempts it means I can have more chances as I have limited funds), and the fact that it may be simpler and less to organise.

Or, bite the bullet and go with importing in the next couple of months - plus being the fact that there is more choice and info available, and pics which I would like to have for the child.

I was also wondering if anyone knew if there was a guaranteed motility with UK donors as there is with the US cryobank I was going to go with that has a minimum of 20 mil.

Part of me thinks, go with UK so that I can afford to have more attempts, but then I really would like to have as much info as possible to give to the child. My other thought is that maybe I'm focussing too much on the details of the donor - does it matter that with UK I don't really get a choice? Does it truly matter what the donor is interested in or what job they do? Deep down all I know is that I want to be a mum!

Any thoughts would be gratefully received!

Thanks
SMC


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## upsydaisy (May 9, 2009)

This is a completely personal decision.  I had no choice of donor whatsoever.  I waited a year (as they had no donors at all!).  Then had to phone at the start of each month.  The first donor they had I took!  I was given minimal information (although I have much more now).  I actually think having no choice made it much much easier.  I hated the idea of trawling though lengthy profiles, too much like internet dating and if anything illustrates how misleading such profiles can be that does    The recent film 'Donor Unknown' also highlighted how the mums had built up a picture of the donor, based on his profile, that was completely at odds with the reality.  It was really important to me that E should have the chance to try and trace her donor if she wants.  At least the fact that I didn't have any choice means she can't blame me for choices I didn't make      It was a bit of a heart stopping moment when I received the extra info and letter from the HFEA but by then E was 2 years old and it really didn't matter because E is E (if that makes sense  ).  It's great that she has that info but to me it just wasn't that important any more.
Hope that's of some help
Upsyxxx


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## morrigan (Dec 8, 2009)

smc i cant comment on uk as not used them and in the end i had to use anonymous donor as I had run out of money but just a thought - have you compared the prices with importing from a european bank. Also sometimes people on here share shipping costs if they are both ordering at the same time.


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## smc81 (Oct 26, 2011)

Thanks for your comments ladies. I never would have thought 10 years ago that I would be in this position - just goes to show that there is rarely much point in trying to plan your life in advance!

Upsy- you make some good points, and I think you could be right about having more choices making it harder. I have become a little obsessed looking through profiles - when it comes down to it I just want a healthy baby!

Morrigan - looking at costs - from what I can tell at the moment, European would cost about £400 more than UK per cycle, and US costs £700 more per cycle. Now that the clinic have told me that the wait is not as long as I was originally told I am now swaying in that direction, the way I see it, saving the money I would have spent on using donors abroad means that I can have more chances.

I know that I have to be the one to make the decision, but I know I over think things and just need someone else to give me a bit of perspective.

Thanks for your help


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## hopetobe (Feb 28, 2011)

I have imported sperm from cryos international, a Danish site. It was an easy process and the extended profiles made me feel like I knew them. This made me feel reassured. I could also choose characteristics and looked at photos. The prices were reasonable also. The decision was a good one for me.


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## silverbird (Aug 8, 2011)

Hi I'm currently trying to draw up a spead sheet for chooseing a donor and I agree with upsdaisy that it's a nighname!

However to me I really do want a lot of info.  Not so much for me but for my child.  I don't really care what hobbies they do but if they say does my donor like/do x I might be able to answer.  One book on single motherhood said that one of the most common questions from donor concieved children is to see a photo so I would like to offer that.  Again I wouldn't want something in thier profile that was againist my ethics again no becuase I believe it would cause the child to do that but because they could say to me "Mum why did you choose him for a father if you don't agree with that".  And also I really want a beautiful comment on why they want to be a donor.  To me that may help take some of the serility out of it for the child.

Sorry for the essay but it's on mind at the mo!


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## bingbong (Dec 9, 2008)

smc are you looking at importing one vial at a time? If you do that then with shipping costs it would be really expensive, so what most people do is import a number of vials and then they have enough for more than one tx and hopefully some for siblings too. Also as Morrigan said sharing shipping helps, so ask your clinic if anyone else is importing.

I also have to agree that before your LO is born the details of the donor feel so important but once they're here it's irrelavent. Good luck.

bingbong x


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## indekiwi (Dec 23, 2008)

In the full understanding that the following comment will be seen as overly flippant - or even harsh - with respect to such an important decision, the best characteristic for any sperm donor is his ability to get you pregnant with a healthy baby, preferably within a couple of attempts.  All the hair / eye colour / education / reasons for donating / warm fuzzy feeling stuff in the world isn't going to make up for multiple negative cycles of treatment.  There are instances on the single threads where recipients have persevered with donors who fulfilled many / all of their wish list of desirable features, only to undergo the heartbreak of BFN after BFN and time, energy and oodles of money down the drain.    In my personal opinion, the single most important characteristic for any donor is their proven ability to create healthy babies.  Everything else is a nice to have.  Apologies if I've inadvertently offended anyone with such a blunt assessment.    


A-Mx


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## upsydaisy (May 9, 2009)

Not flippant at all Inde  a really good point. When I received the full donor info and letter there were a couple of minor details and one major factor (age) that might have made me turn down that donor if I'd known in advance. That thought horrifies me. The one thing the clinic made clear from the start was that it was super dooper stuff and if anything could work a miracle for me and my wonky hormones this could! A couple of years later my amh was 0.08  . That donor turned out to be my last and only chance. If I'd had more info I may have decided to wait for one that was a better match and E wouldn't exist at all ... Very very scary. Remember you aren't choosing 'a father' in the full sense of the word, your choosing a donor. When I trawled through internet dating sites then I was trying to choose a father, someone I would love, respect, live with... that would help bring up our child with the values I held dear...
I actually did end up with a very moving letter from the donor to my daughter (via the HFEA) but lets face it most blokes would only manage a good luck and best wishes and I wouldn't think any the less of them for that! Most UK donors (since the end of anonymity) seem to have thought quite deeply about what they are doing - that doesn't mean they are able to express that in written form (we are talking the male of the species after all  )
I agree that it would be lovely to have a photo now. I definitely wouldn't have wanted one before  I would never have been able to decide, in fact it would have freaked me out  
Also hope I haven't offended, it's a fascinating discussion and people come at it from very different places  
Upsyxxx


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## silverbird (Aug 8, 2011)

I really see where you guys are coming from but at the end of the day how can I know till I try if the sperm will work and I have to choose somehow.  I could just put all the donor numbers from all the banks into a hat and pull one out but that wouldn't garutee to get me pregant either! So I figure I might as well choose on letter, eye colour etc (although as I have brown eyes and hair theres a fair chance that thats a complet waste of money).  And for me it's not so much what hobbies they have but knowing that so I can tell if my LO is curious (they might not be).  I totally don't hold it against men for not being able to comminicate well but this is the only tase of their personlity that a child will have.  Some have written really nice stuff saying that they do not in any way conisder themselves to be a father, that parenting is who brings you up not gentics but they can understand if one is curious about their gentic orgin and want to get in touch.


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## Teela (Jun 7, 2009)

Having been someone who has had multiple failures and used sperm from the UK, europe and then anonymous I can tell you the more failed attempts you have the less important characteristics, personality, looks and the personnal touch become  - after all I just wanted to be pregnant   My first donor i new what he had for breakfast, but ended up 2.5 years down the road broke and an anonymous donor, but Im pregnant.

As for how you know, you ask for a proven donor. Also if you import from say ESB and you fail to get pregnant you get a refund of approx 70% of your pregnancy slot as well.

I hope as Inde said I also have not been to blunt, and i dont want to shatter any dreams or illusions, but just keep in mind sometimes the best laid plans and all that dont work out how we intended.

Best wishes
Teela
x


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## DZWSingleMumma (Nov 18, 2010)

I made up a short list of what was important to me.

1. Open ID donor -Reading tons of information the things that donor concieved children seem to ask for most is the ability to be able to contact their donors. 
2. Siblings - The average DIUI doesn't take first time.  I wanted to buy enough for 2 children as this seemed to be the second thing that donor concieved children wanted.  Full siblings.  I ordered 5 vials all together and my donor was/is still donating. 
3. Reason for donation - I wanted a donor who was donating for more than just money.  I looked at loads of profiles and finally Cryos in Denmark gave me the depth of information I wanted and needed.  
4. Picture - I have a childhood photo of my donor. 
5. Cost - I was pretty ticked off at sperm banks that made me pay a subscription to view profiles.  That felt like online dating.  I was looking for a father to my child not a mate.  I found a bank that tagged that cost on after I chose a donor which I didn't object to.  
6. Virility - 5MOT, 10MOT, 20MOT what the heck?  I had to learn all about this stuff. In the end I found a donor with extremely high motility and who is proven (has other donor and his own offspring).  I went for 5 MOT and when it was measured after swim up it was more like 90million! 

I personally know that I was lucky.  I found a donor and it stuck first time.  I have enough in the freezer for another child IF it goes to plan.  If not my donor has more vials available presently.  I will have to order from the US the next time round though!

Good luck whatever you choose!

Dawn


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## smc81 (Oct 26, 2011)

Thank you so much for all of your comments and thoughts.
I'm now thinking that I am going to wait for a UK donor to become available, I can have 2 attempts for the cost of one imported from the US. I don't really care about any details about the donor anymore, other than he can get me pregnant. Any questions that the (fingers crossed) child has, I will deal with that if/when I get there.

I like the comment made by Upsydaisy - I am looking for a donor, not a father for my child. For me, I want to keep things simple as much as possible. It would be nice to have a photo for the child and be able to answer questions about him, but really all it comes down to is I want the best possible chance of getting pregnant.
I previously decided to go with a US donor as I was told that the wait for UK would be 2 years, now that they are telling me it is up to 6 months, I can live with that.

I'm guessing it would be possible to buy more than one vial of a UK donor?

Thanks again for your comments, it's nice to know I'm not alone in this!

S xx


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## Maya7 (Sep 9, 2008)

Hi .. just wondering if you'd made any decision...

My own reasoning was as I was having UK treatment then a proven UK donor would be the way to go given that id release is now standard... I used UK sperm when I had Tx in London... As I decided upon Czech Rep for largely financial reasons (abiity to have possibly 2 or 3 IVF txs as opposed to 1 attempt in London) I needed to import and therefore ESb with the additional info., audio recording and photo was too tempting to pass.  One candidate leapt out at me and I was bowled over and knew it was going to work and that this was the right choice (for me).  I have been proven right!!  The important point is, however, that whatever choice you make it will be the right one.  Honestly..

Hope your choice was a clear one.

 
Maya


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## smc81 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hi
I have decided to wait for a UK donor. The cost of importing from America or Europe was just too much, and now that the wait time I have been given is so much shorter than I was originally told it makes more sense for me to wait. It shouldn't be more than 6 months and that gives me a bit of time to save more, and get my body into tip top condition  -well almost anyway!

I'm not really that interested in detailed profiles and photos etc, at first I thought I was and got really swept up in it, but after some thought, it's just not that important to me. But i can understand why it might be for others.

S xx


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