# The waiting is killing me!!



## poppy22 (Jun 3, 2003)

Hi ladies, 
sorry i dont post that often. I have never got any news. Its been a long time since i posted so forgive me for posting to rant! We were approved last june at panel to adopt 1 little one. We have had a couple of links but not right for us.
I know that the wait can be very long but i must have been really niave as i expected to be matched by now! Its been 10 months and this wait is bloody killing me . Dont feel like i am coping with it. We email our social worker every few weeks and still nothing! We are part of a consortium and still nothing.
I dont feel like our sw is proactive enough.. But i suppose i would think that! We are being very specific and are asking for a baby under 12 months!!!! I know they dont come up often.
Has anyone else thought this is never going to happen? I am so fed up i feel like giving up now.

thanks for letting me rant

poppy x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Poppy

Its OK to rant and many of us have been in your situation and can sympathise with how you are feeling right now at this moment in time......you are only human and have feelings and must be wondering when this is every going to happen! 

All I can say is that when it happens the wait seems so worth while.....i know that most probably isn't helping right at this moment so here are a few of my ideas to help pass that time. 

Do a to do list...................
1) clean out those cupboards you have been meaning to do.
2) Tidy out the box room or the room you lovely little one is going to go in........its OK to clean it out and paint it a neutral colour.....thats if you haven't done it already 
3) stock your freezer up with pre made meals as when you do intros the last thing you want to do is come home and cook...so much easier to "ping" in a microwave.
4) A short break if you can afford one.
5) catch up with friends and get out as a couple............again if time allows.

The only other thing I can suggest and PLEASE this is just my opinion BUT don't have as much contact with your SW in that I mean instead of fortnightly contact or weekly contact make it once a month..................I use to have weekly contact withh my SW then dropped it to once a month as soon as I dd we were matched with our concurrency baby........that wait was 13 months!  So I can sympathise with the wait & I did all the things on the list I have done and it helped pass the time.

The only other idea sorry just had another thought......do you get be my parent?


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

Sorry - can't really help. I found waiting the hardest bit.  We were 6 months from approval to match and it seemed like an age.

I hope someone explained before your approval panel that the wait for babies under 1 year can be very long (I think it can be 2 years average)...maybe you could take time to re-consider your age range to increase it a bit and give yourself better odds?

Big hugs. It isn't easy but as Superal said - the best thing is to keep yourself busy and do all the things that are hanrd/impossible to do after matching.


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## kittykat1234 (Jan 15, 2010)

Excellent ideas and comments  

Big   to you poppy and       you get matched soon!!

xxx


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## poppy22 (Jun 3, 2003)

Thank you girls so much for your posts. Superal we are having a lovely weekend away next weekend so hopefully it will take my mind off things. I really dont want to book a holiday as i really thought our holiday last year would be the last one on our own. I agree with you as well about reducing the contact with our social worker. Its difficult not to email but i will back off. DH dosnt want to phone as he feels he is mithering! I feel so frustrated though.

Magenta, it was explained to us that we would have to wait a for a baby. The thing is we have been very specific and only wanted a baby girl. We have only just opened it to include a boy about a month ago. We were told ages ago we could have had a boy but we tried to hold out for a girl.

I am just praying we wont be waiting too long as i am just aching to be a mum and this feels like the longest 2ww ever!!!!! 

Thanks again for the suggestions ladies. xx
poppy


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## Losing my grip (Dec 17, 2006)

Hi Poppy - I am totally with you on this one!
Even though we were only approved in January I have been waiting for about 20years to be a mum! 
I do understand what you mean about it "being the last holiday as a couple" and being "the last xmas as a couple", the last "i am not a mother's day" etc etc.
We were put on hold immediately after approval as my husband sadly lost his father on New Years Eve. It was decided that we should go on hold during this difficult time - hello, being on hold is the difficult time! 
Fortunately they took us off early feb but all of Jan I was a nightmare! I was hoping things might happen quite quickly and I am desperate to stop working and be a mum.
Anyhow our Social Worker is coming to see us tomorrow for an update - at our request. I think just knowing that things are happening helps us cope, its awful when you hear nothing and see everyone else getting on with life.
Hope you hear something soon,   
Emma x


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## poppy22 (Jun 3, 2003)

Aww Emma you sound just like i feel hun. I too am chomping at the bit to give up work to be a mum. Its all i have wanted for years. There is a woman at work pregnant and its killing me that she will go off on mat leave before me...Especially as i was approved before she was even pregnant!!!
Know what you mean about things being on hold too. My dad has terminal cancer and that makes things even worse as i know he wants to meet our child before he passes away! and i am scared that if we are matched it could be an awful time with my dad!!! Arghhh . Nothing is ever smooth is it?
I really hope your social worker has something positive to tell you. I know when ours has come round i feel better knowing there has been some intrest. Keep me posted and fingers crossed. 

poppy xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

HI Poppy & Emma

I have always said the hardest bit of the adoption journey is the waiting......you always think its the getting approved bit which is hard....which of course its not a stroll in the park BUT it seems it compared to how you are both feeling.

Its not easy waiting and its so easy to beat yourselves up over this should be our last Christmas as a couple or so on and son on........YOUR not alone in doing this.

Just be kind to yourselves.....BUT also stand by what you want......as in if you have asked for a baby under one...then even though you know the wait could be a long one..........I was very fortunate with our DD she was placed with us 3 months after approval................I had prepared ourselves for a long wait as we waited 13 months for our concurrency baby..........so you just never know.

hugs to you both.......Emma I hope todays meeting gives you a clearer picture and Poppy...........stay strong.

Love
Andrea
x


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