# Good news, mostly!



## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Hi Friends,

First of all - _*this is not an announcement of the miracle pg variety,*_ so I hope it will not upset anyone who may be having a tough time at present.

Some of you may recall that I was having a hard time just before Xmas. I really appreciated your replies and said I had to mull them over before replying myself. Well here is an update now. (I particularly wanted those coming to the meet up to know, so it is "out of the way." I don't want to take up precious  time)

I was feeling a little isolated and lonely with respect to the fact that my family all live abroad and that DH wanted nothing to do with them, which was worrying me about the prospect of us living together again as I did not know how I would cope when my folks wanted to visit me.

Also I had mixed emotions that my young friend, Ben, had said he saw me as a second mum. I was touched but also sorry he could not turn to his own mum with his problems.

Your advice  helped me to relax, and doing so had a positive effect in the way I was dealing with things. *I really believe your advice has had a positive impact on how things have turned out, so thank you all very much.* I did not reply before as I needed to think a bit. Since then things have moved on somewhat. Here is my news.

To begin: Ben is in love  and has asked me to meet his new boyfriend. We have had a good laugh about whether "A" is good enough for my Ben!  Seriously, I am so touched that Ben would like to introduce us, we normally only meet through riding and the occasional after riding lunch or meal. His asking me to meet A, who is not one of our riding circle, shows he really appreciates our friendship and sees me as part of his wider life. As a woman without children it is so precious to have such a connection with a person young enough to be my son who is not a relative and so thrust on each other by genes.

Over Xmas DH said he really would like us to live together again and thinks we should start to plan that this year.  This is great as I had to wait for him to feel ready as it was me who walked out on our relationship.  We have been back together for nearly 3 years now, so I was wondering if it would ever happen! He also expressed his worries that we might end up taking each other for granted and so spoil the good things we have had since our re-union. He realises we need to talk these worries through. That is great, as he is not a great talker, so his willingness to do so now bodes well.

The "mostly" part of the title of this post refers to the fact that on his return to work DH found he may be faced with redundancy this year. As his work is very important to him this will be a big blow if it happens. His initial reaction was that it could mean putting getting a new home together on hold as he does not want the uncertainty or financial problems to "get in the way." Whilst I think this need not be the case, I don't want to push him if it would mean there is too much for him to deal with all at once. At least I know he does want to live together again.

Most surprising news of all! DH had afternoon tea with my mum and stepdad this Sunday!!!! My parents came over from Spain this weekend and I expected not to see DH. I did not even ask him if he would meet up with us for lunch or whatever as I normally would have. I was mindful of advice received here that suggested I let go of the idea that he would ever come to change his mind and tolerate their company for a while now and then. But to be honest I was so worried that the issue about DH and my family could come between either me and DH or me and my family. Part of the reason we split was because being torn between them was so hard to bear.

As it happened DH's Dad was visiting him this weekend too. DH suggested we all meet up briefly! I was amazed  and kept quiet.  When nothing more was said nearer the time I did ask if he would like to meet up as he had suggested. He said he was not sure,  but realised it was an "opportunity" and needed to think about it. (I think he realised that we needed to move on with this issue now he was talking about living together again.) In the end he asked if he and his Dad could come for afternoon tea on Sunday. I did a very old fashioned tea with smoked salmon and cucumber sandwiches and a chocolate orange cake with pistachio nut icing. (Fantastic cake even though I say so myself!  Plus I invented the recipe using my mum's home made marmalade!) The conversation was easy and we laughed a lot. A success! 

More good news! My brother JJ who has been living in NZ for a while since he met a girl, J,  from there on his protracted travels (1 year that became 4!) is now off to S. America with her. On their way back to NZ they are coming to stay in England for 2 months. First port of call - me!  Then to London where her cousin, a famous chief, has a restaurent. We are all (JJ, J and JQ!) going for dinner and they are going to ask my food writer hero, a friend of the cousin, to join us! Not till Oct, but will make the onset of next winter something to look forward to!

The possibility of living with my DH (and our cat) again, the prospect of seeing my darling brother, and maybe the start of normal cordial relations between the people important to me all makes me much happier than I was a month ago.

I really hope this post does not hurt anyone who is having a hard time right now. Please forgive me if so. I am posting this as I hope that it will illustrate that as well as down times, life can look up. I really hope everyone reading will have up times soon. 

Thank you all for the advice that kept me centred and so helped bring about some good things.

Lots of love

Jq


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## Ermey (Aug 17, 2004)

Jq

What lovely happy news!  Am really pleased at how things are turning out for you.

Will come back and post properely later as right now I seem to have lost the plot a bit and be running later then ever.

Big hugs and smiles for you


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## Bangle21 (Dec 17, 2004)

Wow!!

JQ, I am so pleased for you!  Isn't it wonderful how things can just get so much better and when we least expect it ....

Please don't feel guilty about sharing this news!  You  are so right, I think it's great to share with everybody that life can go UP as well as down.  I think it's amazing!  I remember your post about all these issues and I can't believe, in such a short space of time, things have turned around for you, on so many of the things that were worrying you/getting you down!!

I sincerely hope your DH's job situation allows things to work out how you both plan .....  It sounds to me like after all the talking you've both done about it, you've maybe come to the realisation that it's what you both want no matter what .....?

I am so happy for you JQ, thank you for sharing it with us ....  You deserve all the happiness and contentment in the world ...

Enjoy the meet up, I'm only sorry I can't come along to meet you all
all my love
Gill xo


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## Hippy (Aug 2, 2005)

JQ - THANK YOU   so much for sharing such brilliant news, wow how amazing and exciting that things really have started to come together a bit more for you. It was particularly lovely to read about your DH having tea with your Dad   and what a scrumy tea it sounded!! Think you'll have to take a bit of that lovely sounding cake to the meet up!

Very excited and intrigued re the famous chef in London connection, now you probably can't say anymore as to who they are, but really lovely to have some nice events to look forward to. 

Your post has really put a smile on my face    

Big hugs

Hippy
xxxxxxx


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Delighted for you Jq- you deserve it all. hope you have a fab meal and great time with your brother. Enjoy it all!!! xxxx


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

I'm delighted to read that 2007 has got off to such a good start for you jq, (fingers crossed the redundancy thing will work itself out in the coming months).

flipper


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Dear JQ
I am so pleased for you! You deserve so much and it sounds as if a corner has been turned. I think that you were brave to take a step back and assess each situation as it arises. Rather than jumping in, thinking on it for a while and then taking one step at a time. I think that is fantastic, because feelings, commitements, family ties and the past can creep into the future. The past is gone and no matter how much it has hurt us, why do we want it to affect our future? It sounds as if you have a positive grip on things!
I am so pleased about all your personnal relationships are going in a positive direction. You say about Ben and him wanting you in his life. My question or answer to that is, and why not? If you nourish a positive healthy relationship, age, blood, does not matter it is what you have between the two of you..
I am happy for you and your hubby and i am sure that things have been tough for the both of you in the past. Also a case of scared of going back and slipping into old ways? Well i think three years down the road, you sound as if you have cemented alot and its only about going forward. If you don't try you will never find out? better to try than to lose out. Hey JQ you deserve happiness so i say go out and grab it..
Last of all...............umm the cake sounds lovely!!!!
Thanks for letting us know....also how can you offend anyone? This is your life and you felt safe to share it with us and thats an achievement in itself. Also for us out there who have also faced difficulties with families, husbands/partners/friends. It certainly helps reading others heartache and how it can be moved around into something positive...
Thanks JQ
lots of love astridx


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## jq (Nov 14, 2006)

Thank you all for such lovely replies. I am so glad those who posted were not put out. I know it can be hard to hear good news if you are having a down time, but I think a lot of us here have generous spirits.  

Unfortunately DH has had a letter saying his (and other) jobs will be "affected" by the re-organisation  at the college which involves cutting some departments out or merging parts of their work into other departments. They say he will have to apply, as will some other Heads of Dpt, for a smaller no of jobs. Those who don't get one of the jobs will be made redundant. DH thinks they have made a legal mistake as his department is not actually being cut (as the other affected departments are.) He thinks that as is he is the current Head they cannot make him redundant or apply for his own job. He is a stubborn man and so says he is going to ignore their letter and not apply for his own job and legitimise their position! If I were him I would take more cautionary action. But he is often proved right and it's his life, so I will just wait and see.

Nontheless, I am still feeling positive as it does feel as though life is heading in the right direction for the first time since IF hit us 20 years ago! Just may take a bit longer than I would like to get there!

Lots of love to all. 

Jq


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## flipper (Jul 7, 2004)

Hi there jq, sorry to hear about dh's job.  

I've managed a number of bulk redundancies in my time (goes with the job unfortunately) and it is a very easy process to get wrong so your dh might be right. I know it's none of my business but I think ignoring any potential flaw isn't right. If the process is wrong, it needs to be challenged (unless dh likes a fight and is prepared to let the process go all the way then make a claim for wrongful dismissal).

Call ACAS for really good advice on whether the process is legal or not and how to handle it. If he doesn't apply for his own job, he could well find himself out of work whether or not they have him in their sights.

Anyway, hope this isn't teaching you to suck eggs, I'm sure between you you'll work out the right course of action.

Good luck.

flipper


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## jomac (Oct 27, 2006)

Dear JQ
I'm so glad things are working out.
You have certainly had your fair share of "challenges".
You're a  marvellous person and truly deserve great happiness.
I'm sorry about the difficulties with your DH's job. I hope that that too gets sorted.
The cake sounds fantastic!!!
I love making cakes but they don't love my waistline too much!
Lots love Joanne/Emma


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Darling JQ

Am sorry I'm so late to this - have been stricken with a horrible viral lurgy thing! Just wanted to say way to go girrrrrrl - and that I am absolutely delighted for you that so many lovely things have been happening or are to happen in the imminent future for you!

I love to see posts like this - it proves to us all that there are events to look forward to, and it warms the cockles of my heart to 'hear' you sounding so chipper!

Sorry to hear about DH and his job situation though - sadly it seems that no job is safe anywhere anymore, none of us are indispensible are we? I hope things look up for him hon.

You've even given me back a bit of an appetite just mentioning that cake you made - slobber! You see, in sharing your news you've helped me tons this evening  

Much love to you, and may the year go from strength to strength for you
A very bunged up and feeling rather sorry for herself 
Emcee xxx


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