# How do you forget about it?!!



## lisse (Nov 19, 2012)

Hi,

I would appreciate any advice that can be given on "relaxing and forgetting about getting pregnant".

Our consultant recently told us that it could be possible for us to get pregnant naturally and that I need to relax and forget about it.  I am sure you will all agree that this is easier said than done!!

Does anyone have any advice or tips on how to do this?  Did anyone get pregnant naturally when they just relaxed and forgot about it?

I just found out today that another member of our family is pregnant and my heart is breaking.  I just don't know how to cope with it all never mind relax!

Lisse xxx


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## Smithy2 (Jan 5, 2013)

Hi, 

I understand how you feel, our doctors have told us all the way through that we could still get pregnant naturally & we've been trying for 4 years. all the time I feel like saying to them, "well if that's the case then why hasn't it happened??"

it's really easy for people to say "just relax" when they don't understand how heart wrenching it is & everywhere you go you see people with their children.

we're just going through our first course of IVF & I'm struggling to come to terms with the uncertainty of it all, even now it all depends on my scans each time as to whether we're going to move to the next stage & it could all be cancelled at any time.

they have never really given us a definite answer as to what the problem is.

it really is an emotional rollercoaster & I totally understand how you feel about friends & family members getting pregnant. 

my sister has had 2 children in the time we have been trying & all our friends have had their first & second children in that time also.

it's hard to keep being happy for them whilst hiding your own pain inside, it really can be heartbreaking!  

I am fairly new here & have found it so helpful to talk to people going through the same thing, I hope you will find it helpful too!

Rachael


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## the_tempress89 (Oct 19, 2011)

hey lisse, sorry to hear your having such a time of it lately, especially with another pregnancy being announced. my cousin has just announced her 2nd pregnancy which is infuriating because she never looks after the little girl she has.... who spends more time at grandmas, and my dp's brother has just had a baby with a woman he had a one night stand with! ' a happy accident' the family are callin it. so yeah i do understand how hard things can be and why it makes it so much harder to ' just relax' 

unfortunately i cant give you much advice on how to 'relax', i ask myself the same question every single month, how can i relax and forget about it.?! on one hand i feel like im giving up on it, and on my baby and on the other hand, i need to keep track of my dates for my 'cycle diary' that i keep so its almost impossible. 

i do however know of someone who it did work for, one of my friends from school, her and her dh had been trying for just over a year with no luck whatsoever, they had just considered going to their gp to find out what to do next, when they got a new house. being so busy and preoccupied with moving home, ttc was put on a back burner for a month.... now they have a 5 month old baby boy called alfie. i asked her the other day how she did it, and she said to me " i have no idea how we managed it, but when we were moving house i was so worried about everything going wrong with that i found myself worrying less about conceiving, we missed two whole cycle... or so we thought anyway lol " 

the only thing i could really take from that was to try and keep busy, keep other things on my mind, so that during that 'special few days' im not so stressed. so im trying to focus more on making myself more healthy, and getting more exercise, this will be the first month im trying not to think about it so we shall see how it goes... plus im quitting smoking = added stress  

i wish you the best of luck and if i happen to come across any other tips ill be sure to let you know  love and babydust for you xxxxxx


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## General1 (Jan 2, 2013)

Hi Lisse

I totally get your point of view - my best friends sister has just had her third - three under three!  So when I saw her recently she asked me not to leave it much longer before having children will you......Grrr!!! Try and relax after that!!!  People who have never had fertility issues themselves or for those close to them, think nothing of asking personal questions like that - with absolutely no sensitivity!!!

Anyway, I watched the baby makers the other day and the Doctor on there said that you should try and think that you are the last two people on earth to populate so we are trying that method now!!!  As in trying to convert that energy into positive thinking and action ;-)  I have tried to use OPK but struggle with them so now don't track and just keep positive action all throughout the month - that way I can forget about the 2WW which used to be a real struggle for me.

Hope that by using this forum and feeling some positive energy from others, it will help you.

Lets keep sharing our relax tips!

XX


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

hi general. i watched that too my dh liked the idea of the animal quickie lol.  as for forgetting about it thats a tough one. just when i feel ive got it out of my mind it rages back and im tracking all my dates. best of luck everyone xxx


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## Starry34 (Jan 11, 2013)

Hi Lisse,  it's mad to be told to relax and forget about it, they must realise thats impossible.  I think telling you to forget about it is stupid, but learning to relax is a different thing altogether, you might be able to relax whilst still focusing on it.

One thing that helped me to relax a bit was the feeling that i was helping myself.  I have been ttc for over a year, and have already got ivf twins but with unexplained infertility am hoping for a natural miracle.  I was getting very stressed each month seeing the BFN even through i knew i had unexplained infertility so it was unlikely to happen, but this month was too much as i was convinced last month that i had fallen just because i felt different, with sore boobs, nausea etc, only to find out i hadn't when af arrived right on cue.  So this month i bought some opk's, and some conceive plus gel, along with an Fsh fertility testing kit to put my mind at rest, and am thinking about a BBT for next cycle, and i found that just doing all of this has already helped me feel more relaxed as i don't feel so helpless, and it's given me some small hope that i am improving my chances.

Possibly doing something for yourself might help you relax whether it's eating healthily, charting temps, cm etc, using products that could improve chances or even just propping a pillow under to lift you up afterwards and keep them going in the right direction, these little things might make you feel more positive which may help you relax.  Wishing you luck.


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## Binkysowner_Caroline (Dec 14, 2012)

I've had that advice from so many friends (with children) so many times that it drives me potty and makes me want to shout "thanks I'd never thought of relaxing instead we've been trying the 'just try getting stressed approach' but now you mention it we may give relaxing a go. Thanks my fertile friend."  

I think if we had a sex life where we were at it 2-3 times a week then perhaps this advice is relevant (although if we were doing it that regularly perhaps we wouldn't be here now who knows) but we're not so it isn't...just relaxing and forgetting about it implies that I need to consciously become unaware of my cycle, our urge to have a baby and the need to have sex at near enough the right time...I just can't do that...I can't just wait for it to happen. If we were the last people on earth and mankind depended on us (yup we watched that programme too - good I thought) then maybe but my God what pressure  

I believe that once we decided we wanted children and it didn't happen that quickly, the ability to relax and forget about disappeared


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

I get soo annoyed when people; friends, family, medical people all say daft things like relax, have a holiday, it'll happen eventually...arrrggghhhh - all the while friends and family popping babies like they're shelling peas - it's maddening.  I watched the baby makers programme the other week and the consultant there said that the best baby making technique is standing up, quick, under pressure sex... apparently this was the 'approach' by neanderthal man, having a quickie, whilst being worried he was about to be mauled by a sabre toothed tiger ! 

So his advice, have afternoon tea at your in-laws, and tell your partner you've got no knickers on - worth a try, but I don;t think neanderthal man had a zero count and everything else we have to face these days.

Having said that I did manage to get pregnant once, after I'd burned myself out with temperature charting, ovulation sticks, symptom spotting every month.  I lost my Mum suddenly, had a breakdown, was on anti-depressants, and gave up all hope of having a baby - at the age of 35.  Fast forward 6 months and I was weeing constantly, was tired, so did a pregnancy test to make sure it was negative, as I was convinced I'd need to see the gp about my 'water infection'.  I couldn't believe I was pregnant.... as getting pregnant wasn't even on the horizon at that point.

Going through ICSI treatment I had regular reiki sessions, (I couldn't have accupuncture due to a recurrence of fibroids) and I made time to relax every day - smelly candles, warm bubble baths, relaxing music etc.
Hope soo much that you realise your dream - relaxing and forgetting about it, erm, it can't be done when it's your first thought when you wake and the last thing on your mind before you go to sleep.... only people who have no concept of fertility issues could come out with something so daft.

Hugs to everyone
Sheila


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## whitvi (Jun 10, 2010)

Hi Sheila,

Why shouldn't you have acupuncture if you've got fibroids?

I was considering it (to help blood flow, into the uterus area) but I do have fibroids.
Would be interested to know....

I agree that you can't just simply 'forget' TTC.  That's just another huge pressure on top of everything else.  Personally I think just go with the flow, have a good old cry if you need to, and being proactive ie, charting, OPK's etc helps to give you a sense of doing something.  
Def think the advice of the doc (on that programme) was good in that you should tell hubby you've got no knickers on at an inappropriate time! BD can becomes a real chore when you're seriously TTC and i'm sure that's no good for the swimmers.  I wonder if it makes a difference for men with normal sperm samples that they have just been looking at men's mags beforehand?! lol....  
Guess we have to try and make things exciting.


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Hi Whitvi, I approached a number of accupuncurists who were recommended to me in my local area - as well as a little further afield, and not one of them were prepared to physically treat me as soon as I mentioned I had fibroids and was going through fertility treatment, but they were all willing to sell me very expensive (probably yukky) tea.  Whether this is to do with the 'blame culture' which is rife here nowadays, I don't know....instead I had regular Reiki whilst I was going through treatment, to keep me grounded and calm.  But did my own Reiki when I felt I needed a boost (I am trained to Reiki level 2)...I had the zita west relaxation cd and made time to relax on a regular basis.

Best wishes
Sheila


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## the_tempress89 (Oct 19, 2011)

sheilaweb.. would you recommend reiki?... i have a friend who does it, and although she is current pg after 16 years of trying i have been considerring asking her.... but i know little about it and dont really want to bother her unless it will help... even just to keep me grounded and level headed a bit.

hope everyone is doing ok xxxx


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## NicL (Nov 11, 2011)

Hi 

just seen this thread and had to reply and and  say aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Cant believe a doctor would say that to you. I expect it from family and friends who clearly think that our inability to have a baby is our inability to "relax". 

Binkysowner_caroline - loved your quote. Am going to store that one up and shout it at an appropriate moment (sure it wont take too long).

no way you can 'forget' about getting pg. If you are anything like us that means you probably forget to bd altogether (well we have been together 10 years and i do like my sleep  ) let alone at a time when you might actually be fertile. I like the suggestions on relaxing tho and that is my approach. 

Am going for my first acupuncture session tomorrow - more because of the relaxation side than actually incresing fertility(tho it cant do any harm on that front too). We sadly miscarried our first every pregnancy two weeks ago and stress levels have been off the scale but i have found being proactive - booking the acupuncture, ordering my next batch of supplements has helped give me some control back and i think i might start trying to chart temps once my af returns.

good luck xx


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## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Hi Temptress
Yes, I would recommend Reiki, it'll certainly help you feel calmer and a little more relaxed, but if you ask your friend, I'm sure she would be only too happy to do what she can to help.  I am trained to Reiki Level 2 and would always be happy to send 'distance healing' your way if you would like me to.

Reiki is a hands off therapy - and opens up your channels and works on your chakras.... and helps balance the body and mind.... best wishes
Sheila


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## the_tempress89 (Oct 19, 2011)

then its something i am going to look more into, and will speak to my friend about it next time we meet for a chat. 

i would be very open and great full to any positive energy you could send my way thank you sheila. 

all the girls here are always in my thoughts and prayers every night, for the strength to carry on and the guidance to go the right way. and of course for wishes to come true xxx 

thank you xx


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## josieshrew (Jan 19, 2013)

Hi everyone, I am new to this site.  Me (42 yrs) and DH (45 yrs), were ttc for 4 years but was in the frame of mind, if it happens then great but if not its not the end of the world. He has 2 children aged 21 and 18 yrs and I have 12 yr old, all children from prev marriages.  Anyway, never thought it would happen but in May 12 found out I was pregnant.  Couldn't believe it as we had forgot about ttc as I had decided to leave the military and bam, positive test.  Unfortunately started bleeding at 12 wk point and scan showed baby's heartbeat had stopped at 9 weeks.  Our world fell apart, gutted.  Decided to carry on ttc but can't stop thinking about it.  Luteal phase is 13 days which apparantely is good.  Was convinced this month was the time as had loads of preg symptoms 11 DPO.  but AF came at 13 DPO but it was not like normal.  One day heavy bleed and that was it.  Normally I am 3 days.  Did wonder about implantation bleed but it wasn't spotting.  God knows whether it is body or mind playing tricks.  I have been monitoring symptoms, cm and dates on period tracker app.  Today starting doing temp. Heard that you can do charts on here.  I know what you mean, it is hard to relax but it does seem to happen then but its nice to feel that you help on the way to achieve what you want.  I tried for one year with my ex to conceive son but had come off the pill and that seemed to happen at the most inopportune time, he had got posted far away and I was due to deploy for 4 months but it all worked out and what a blessing.  Good luck to all trying  xxx


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## the_tempress89 (Oct 19, 2011)

hi josieshrew and welcome  

i imagine it must be harder for military couples when ttc, especially if both of you re in serves... being posted away for long months at a time and such like. is your current dp also serving personel? i was rather lucky in that aspect, my dp had already came out of the army before we started ttc i dont know how i would have coped if he had still been in. ( he was medically discharged) im not sure i would have coped. 

are you taking any vitamins or anything? 

good luck hun hope you get your bfp soon!!! 

( and a huge thank you to you for your service for this country)!! 


xxxxx


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## josieshrew (Jan 19, 2013)

Thank you tempress for your reply.  I am glad not to be going away anymore.  I have spent long enough away from family.  Yes it is harder, hubby just got offered promotion and to go to Poole but he has turned it down as we have own house, son goes to school (and i don't want to move him again) and I have a job.  He would have had to move down there himself and travel up every 4 days.  Decided there is more importance on family life than money.  that defo would have made ttc even harder lol.  Thank you for your kind words.  I am taking pregnacare each day.  How are things going with you?  What is your situation/how long ttc?


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## the_tempress89 (Oct 19, 2011)

well im happy that things are starting to settle down a bit more, hopefully now you will have better success with ttc, 

i didnt start actively trying to get pg until i was about 19 ( 23 now) though since i was 16 i hadnt prevented it... i was young naive and with an older man.
after that broke down i decided maybe it wasnt for me but i met my now ex in 2011 and after a year of trying we went to the gp, we got our first appointment with the clinic through for jan 2012, but in march he decided he couldnt take things any more and we talked (alot!) and decided to break up. as devastating as it was the clinic agreed to carry on with my tests for my own peace of mind but under the knowledge i wouldnt be allowed treatment. 

im now thankfully with a wonderful man who iv known for many years, he was fully aware of the problems i had had in the past.. as he was always the one i would turn to when i needed a chat, so we agreed that for times sake we wouldnt waste any! we have now been trying for 5 months and im hoping against all odds the clinic will accept us,... though its looking terribly unlikely. im too taking pregnacare - conception and i have dp on wellman to keep him healthy and fit. mum has just agreed to buy us the clearblue fertility monitor so we have taken a break this month to reduce stress ( its killing me  lol ) and going to start up again next month with our monitor  xxx


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## Lauren1991 (Jan 27, 2013)

hi i have just joined this site as me & my husband have been trying to conceive for nearly 2 years! the hardest bit of all is trying to forget about it & relaxing, the only thing that lets me forget about it is working all the time & i just make myself tired & even more stressed! i just wish everything was "normal" x


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## the_tempress89 (Oct 19, 2011)

if there is one thing im learning though all this is that noone is normal. i had never really known many women with fertility issues before i realised i may have some of my own, and the amount of people iv spoken to, not just on here but in every day life who has been through something is amazing. 

me and my dp took a month off this month to give us some time to relax and not worry, let us be us again. i was really upset at first, felt like i was giving up but im really looking forward to the start of my next cycle now as a fresh approach at it and hopefully things are easier. 

[p.s i find long hot ( not too hot!!) bubble baths work a treat to relax


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