# Am I being unreasonable?



## Bluething (Jan 1, 2012)

Hi everyone! Not really done any posting before but I would really value some advice/opinions on whether I am being unreasonable about the behaviour of one of my friends...

I've known my friend since I was 8 (I'm now 32) and I have always thought that, although she was a little self involved, we were close. A lot of our friendship has been on her terms, but I was alright with that because I always thought that she would be there if I needed her.

Last year she got pregnant unexpectedly and suddenly she became *very* self involved! The only thing she could think or talk about was her and her baby. Don't get me wrong, I was pleased for her, and her life has not been easy, but she also knows how much my husband and I have been wanting a child for the last 5 years with no success. I have to be honest and say that I found it quite difficult to be around her because of her constant baby talk (she even cancelled Christmas this year as she was so excited about her impending arrival and "couldn't think about anything else" - this from the person who puts Christmas decorations up in June and takes them down in April!). On one occasion I did talk to her and tried to explain that I was finding it difficult but her response was "The thing is, when you get pregnant you just aren't capable of thinking about anything or anyone else. It just takes over. I'm sure you understand."

In January, about a week before her due date, I sent her a text message for her birthday. I didn't hear anything back, which wasn't all that unusual since her pregnancy started. Two days later she phoned me to tell me that her baby son had been born 7 days earlier and that, as I hadn't been in her partner's phone book, whilst everyone else was, they had realised on her birthday that I didn't know about the birth and she was phoning to tell me. She then went into a blow by blow account of her labour, including "this will make you glad you haven't been through it" moments, before explaining that she and her partner (who had now been engaged for 5 weeks, which she hadn't told me either) would be very busy for the next month but we would of course be very welcome to visit after that.

So I suppose what I want to know is (a) am I being unreasonable to be hurt and upset by her behaviour and (b) what do I say on Sunday when I finally meet her son, if she says "We're so sorry we didn't let you know, I hope you're OK about it". Is it worth being honest ("actually, I am hurt and upset") or is it better to brush it under the carpet ("well, it was such a busy time for you, of course I understand")

Thanks in advance!


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## MrsFlossey25 (Nov 28, 2011)

OMG

Sending you hugs hunnie, that is so insenstitive

i lost my best friend to TTC she said to cheer up when another failed cycle of tx and didnt understand why i was so down, she said oh go get your nails done your be better then.


your not being unreasonable at all


xxxxx


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## Cinnoam (May 16, 2011)

Bluething - You are not being unreasonable at all! It sounds like a total nightmare and shame on your friend quite frankly.

I totally understand how you feel. I've been through up's and down's about whether I'm being selfish/ miserable/ un friend like when my friend's have been through pregnancies and births but those of us who are going through this rollercoaster have so much to deal with that it's no wonder we find it hard to watch others. Added to that your friend has been so selfish that it must have been that much harder for you.

Every one of my closest friends have now had babies or are currently pregnant. They know about my situation but I know that they can't understand (even the one who had IVF and got a BPF first time) 

As for how to react - you've been friends for life so I'd say be honest. If she can't handle it, then you will probably be better off in the coming years. Think about yourself - it would be horrible to have to deal with her bad attitude whilst you are still going through IVF, never mind what happens after that. But thenagain, she may just realise and be able to give you a bit more support. 

Whatever happens I hope it goes well. FF is great for that support, even if 'real' friends aren't! x x x


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## Bluething (Jan 1, 2012)

Thank you!  Sometimes I think I might be going mad and reacting inappropriately to things (actually I know I react inappropriately sometimes!! )

Flossey25 - I am so sorry to hear that your best friend could have been so insensitive.  It never ceases to amaze me that people who in all other areas of life could be so supportive could be so awful at offering support about the struggle with infertility.  I hope you have managed to find friends who support you more 

Cinnoam - Thank you for helping to show me that I am not alone!  I have to say FF has been such a help because I don't know anyone who has had problems ttc or who has needed to have IVF (except my sister who started fertility treatment earlier than the year because of my problems with ttc and then got pregnant after 2 cycles of clomid.  Problem is, she has now completely forgotten that she was in the same position as I am now which in many ways makes me feel more isolated...)  - it really feels that there is no one I can talk to about it, so to find that other people are experiencing the same things as me is a real life saver and also reassures me that I am not unusual!

Good luck to you on your journeys, and thank you for helping with mine!
xxxx


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## elli78 (May 22, 2011)

hey bluething. I have to admit i read your post the other day and could relate to what you said. Then low and behold a v. Good friend told me she was trying 4 a second child. Ok i thought fair enough i wont get bitter. But get this after about 2 days she text me 2 say she had been looking at new mums and babies and knew 'exactly' what i was going thru as she is sooo broody! I was so upset esp when she started asking me about fertile days as im meant to be an expert on  'that stuff'! I was stunned angry upset and generally felt betrayed. Since then ive been trying to find your thread to say i know how u feel. I guarantee she will b on mat leave b4 i get my next apt. I thought she understood my pain but how wrong i was. I cant believe how thoughtless shes been. Now i know why i prefer my dogs!!!x


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Hello Bluething

Have you seen this thread? I read the article last night and I think I can honestly say I've had almost all of these comments made to me over the last couple of years. I think your friend really needs to read the section on 'Don't minimise the problem'. After I'd read it I just wanted to send it out to everyone I'd ever spoken to about my fertility treatment - and say "See!! This is how hard things are for me!"

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=276276.0

You are in no way being unreasonable, I actually felt really sad for you when I read your post, it made me feel tearful for you that your friend could be so insensitive, but sadly many people are, even ones you are really close to, I've experienced it many times and am often left feeling so shell shocked by a comment that I can never think of response. The latest comment (not from a close friend I hasten to add!) after telling someone I was struggling a bit at the mo was "have you considered getting a dog?"...erm no! Don't get me wrong, I love animals and already have a cat, bird and 2 bunnies, and adore them all - but I wouldn't rush out and buy a dog just to 'make it all better' because I can't have children! And this comment came from a woman with children - surely she should know better!

You are indeed perfectly normal to feel hurt and upset by her behaviour, I certainly would be, and as for Sunday I think you need to be perfectly honest with her (she has been with you!), why should you pretend to be somebody you're not - don't hide your feelings, she needs to understand how upset you've been and how hard all of this is for you. Your friend should definitely read the article given in the thread above 

Sending hugs


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## 2ndtimeround (Feb 8, 2012)

Bluething, i'm in a similar situation right now with my BF. It's very hard and i have tried to be postive and supportive but she has completely failed to understand just how hard this is for me. You are not being unreasonable at all. Thoughts with you, esp on sunday xx


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## pinkpantha (Feb 18, 2012)

Sorry Bluething,

Youre "friend" does sound like a **** and has no sense of humility for others, let alone a close friend - ppl like that really p'ss me off and one day she probably will need your support for something..a friend of mine kept telling me not to worry about trying to get pregnant as it was taking us a little while; this is coming from someone who has had 3 accidental pregnancies, one miscarried and the other she terminated....don't feel i can talk to her about going for ivf as do not think she has any idea what that is like, and she is someone who was once a nurse....people will always amaze you but in the end you know who your real friends are.


for you xxx


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## pinkpantha (Feb 18, 2012)

oh, and the icing on the cake last week was when a "colleague" of mine asked why I was cutting my working hours and I reluctantly told her it was because I was going for IVF she remarked "oh thats ok then, I thought it was because I had upset you"....stupid b-tch I thought!


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Pinkpantha - people's comment never fail to amaze me!!  They just really don't get it do they!!  I really hate it (and get annoyed with myself!) when I open up to people and tell them really personal stuff and then they go and say something really stupid in return!  I must learn to keep my mouth shut!  Good luck with your IVF


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## Scotgirl28 (Mar 2, 2012)

Hello ladies,
Yup I know how you feel. I'm probably oversensitive, but I told a close friend that me & hubby were about to start TTC. She got pregnant a few months later & has been posting hourly updates on ******** about how shes feeling & posting weekly bump photos. I have had to hide her posts as it was driving me nuts.   I'm happy for her of course but she could be more considerate of my feelings. She also commented to me that she probably wont have any more babies after this one because shes been too unwell. And I just think what I would give to have the sickness, back pains, labour pains, bring it on! She just sounds so ungrateful. 
I promise if I get pregnant I will not complain about morning sickness or any other symptoms! I will just be so overjoyed.  
Anyway... good luck to all. It will hopefully be our turn soon.  
Scotgirl.xox


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Hi Scotgirl - did you read the link I posted on the first page of this thread? Maybe you should send a copy of the link to your friend and ask her to read the section called "Don't complain about your pregnancy"!  Unfortunately your friend can never ever understand the pain and upset you feel, but it seems like she's not even _trying _ to empathise or be considerate of your feelings  Sending you lots of luck and hugs, and I hope your dreams come true VERY soon  xx


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## pinkpantha (Feb 18, 2012)

Hi all,

Scotgirl - I believe in pregnancy-related karma....for most people on here getting pregnant (and staying pregnant) seems to be the hardest part..the karma being sweet labours and healthy children hopefully..people like your friend do take it for granted that they can get pregnant and think they are having the hardest time of it..the reality is it does not sound like her pregnancy is that bad and in a karma sense, she should hope nothing happens with the pregnancy and labour because things could be so much worse. Take my friend, quick conception, great pregnancy and pretty reasonable labour but the first 6 months of the child being born he does not stop crying and she is getting hardly any sleep - that is her blip..for us the blip is now trying to get pregnant. So do not lose heart when people who have little to whinge about whinge because we know, even if they don't, is that things could be much worse! Honestly, I have never been pregnant but can imagine its exactly like a long-haul flight - its long, you get more and more uncomfortable as you go, things could go wrong at any point (and would be disasterous), but the longer you go, the more probability you will reach the end ok, and, the landing is the trickiest bit but boy you are glad when you have landed..and the baby is here!)..I hope one day to find out if this is true and for everyone else on the site..

Good luck for now and remember all the good things in your life (for me I think about my wedding day and how much I love my DH...) so that I don't feel so short changed...


PP


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## Julie37 (Feb 16, 2012)

Bluething

You are not being unreasonable at all.  It seems to me that your friendship with this girl has mostly been on her terms and to what suits her.  I think it's time you made it on your terms for once and maybe have a break from her at least for a bit.  I think perhaps if you see her at the moment it's only going to bring you anger and frustration.  You need to surround yourself with positive people during these tough times and ask yourself 'What does this person actually bring to my life?'.  If the bad outweighs the good then what is the point in keeping this person in your life?  I appreciate it's easy for me to say but I too have had friends who I've known for a long time and where for some reason I've kind of felt obliged to stay in touch with them indefinitley, but really if you're friendship isn't going anywhere then why should it matter if you decide to give them a miss from then on?!  Life is short and throws all sorts of awful stuff at us so I say fill it with some good things that you can control. 

Julie xxx


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## Maybethistime (Oct 20, 2008)

Think of it like this.... The energy you no longer waste on this self serving woman is better spent on other things.  We all sometimes choose friendships where we are needed, in doing so we allow ourselves to be used in a way. Perhaps we need to be needed but the problem with these energy bandits is that they never return the favour, however guilty they might feel for not being the friend that you deserve. Some self involved people like this are cowardly. Some people use difficult upbringings as a way to make everyone they meet pay for whatever wrongdoings that befell them. Others who have had genuinely bad luck excell as human beings.


Think of her as an equaintence from now on and see what develops.  We dont wear our schol uniforms for the rest of our lives, so why expect to maintain each and every friendship we make. You have bigger fish to fry..


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## Ruthee (Aug 3, 2008)

Dear Bluething and Scotgirl,
I am so sorry you have had such hard times. My experience is that even the ordinarily most thoughtful people completely lose all sign of manners when they get pg- unless they have been through similar things of course. I have 2 friends (neither had ivf) and one got pg after the other one had a mc. The pg one kept asking the one who had mc whether she had simiar symptoms "before she lost the baby" to the point where my friend had to ask me to intervene. 
I don't tend to tell people I am having/had ivf these days- if I had a £ for every time someone told me they "know someone who had loads of ivf and then as soon as they stopped trying and relaxed got pg"... it just makes me want to scream. My usual answer is to tell them that due to medical problems nothing short of a miracle would let me get pg naturally and that usually shuts them up.
These days I have come to realise that (most) people, even dear family and friends, won't know what to say and so will either avoid talking to me about anything pg related (preferable), put their foot in it or just talk as if my ttc didn't exist and that I am interested in every twinge. My attitude is to inform them when they are being tactless or they will just keep on doing it. Some probably think I am being bitter but it is amazing how tactless people can be. I have even had friends who got pg by 'accident' and want to discuss with me whether they should have the baby or not!!!
My advice is to expect most people to be tactless and let them know when they are. But then I'm a bit like that.
Hope it helps,
Ruthee
xxx


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## Scotgirl28 (Mar 2, 2012)

Thanks all, excellent advice.
Pinkpantha - Yeah I hope you're right about the pregnancy karma.  Its gotta be our turn soon.  

Good luck to all.
Scotgirl.x


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Ruthee said:


> if I had a £ for every time someone told me they "know someone who had loads of ivf and then as soon as they stopped trying and relaxed got pg"... it just makes me want to scream.


Hi Ruthee - Your quote above says it all, I think we'd all be rich if we had a £ for everytime we'd heard that one! I too have heard that sooooo many times! In the beginning I used to smile sweetly and say "ah well, there is still hope for me then", but now I'm similar to you and say something along the lines of "it'd be a miracle if I ever manage to get pregnant naturally!!". As you quite rightly say, sometimes you just need to spell things out for people otherwise they will never learn ;-)


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## Bluething (Jan 1, 2012)

Hi everyone!

Thanks for all your comments!  It helps to know that it is not only me who has these sorts of issues, but it also makes me really mad that there are so many people in the world who can be so horrible and just completely miss the point!

When it came to it, my friend didn't even mention not telling me, although I do now know more about the horrors of breast feeding and labour than I really wanted to know over a half hour coffee - my poor husband did not know what to do with himself!!  Especially when she mentioned cabbage leaves...!!!  I hadn't heard anything from her since, and I had decided to leave it for a while but I think there is a Christening invite coming our way (although I am debating whether to be going away on whenever the date is as I think it is arriving in the post so I won't have to give a face to face answer - a bit sneaky but I've decided to be a bit selfish at the moment, especially after what my sister said recently...)

Anyway, it seems to be all happening at once at the moment - my sister, who is now pregnant after TTC for 3 months on Clomid has told me to "Grow up and get over it" as "everything happens for a reason"!!  To say I nearly hit her is an understatement!    Then she asked me to be one of her birthing partners as she is worried her husband will pass out!  Whilst I appreciate that she is my little sister and she needs me - and I have said I will do it - it has made me realise that  no one in my circle of family and friends actually gets where I am at the moment, and probably isn't prepared to listen either, which has made me appreciate FF all the more - so thank you, ladies!  I think I will be following the advice here and surrounding myself with positive people who add things to my life.

Thank goodness for FF and the wonderful people on here who understand!


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## barbster (Jan 26, 2012)

Hi Bluething,

I just read your post from a while ago and wanted to reply as I found myself in a similar situation recently too. Your friend is obviously caught up in her "baby bubble" but I understand how upsetting it is for you finding out about her birth 7 days after the event, I think I would have been very upset too. When things have settled, you should tell her how you feel about things and how upset you have been. Her reaction to you will determine how she feels about you as a friend and then you can decide whether this is a friendship worth continuing. This may sound harsh, but you are obviously going through tough times and need positive people around you.
I have recently lost my oldest friend through this kind of problem. It has upset me alot, but I now know that although I have known her for years, that doesn't always mean that they are the right people for us. when I first mentioned my fertility problems, she replied " I don't have that problem, i only have to look at one". This is true, but I felt, very insensitive. I let it go as she has been through tough times with her own personal problems. when I got diagnosed with my fertility problems and told her that had a low chance of success, she replied " I can't really help you, I don't have that problem myself, I am thinking of getting sterilised", she has seperated from her husband and didn't want more children (2). She also told me that you can't have everything you want in life. So I then decided she was out of my life to which i have had ** comments about her kids, having houseful of kids around etc.
Anyway the moral of the story is, if a person is making you feel bad about yourself and not giving you the support that you would expect, should that person be in your life.

Sorry about my rant, am I sure that there are people in your life that do care deeply about you, take care of yourself and I wish you luck on your journey.

Barbs71 x


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## Julie37 (Feb 16, 2012)

Bluething...

Just wanted to say I hope you've had a look at the link that NosilaB has posted - I too think it is a brilliant thing to send on to family & friends who just 'don't get it'... good luck hun x


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## Scotgirl28 (Mar 2, 2012)

Hi, I read the article posted by NosilaB. Yes it was so relevant. 
Big hugs to all of us.  
xx


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## marleymoo (Nov 22, 2011)

Sadly, I have experienced similar situations. The most popular is when children have tantrums and I've known friends to say "at least you don't have to put up with this" yep - that hurts or...
"At least you'll keep your figure" that really hurts...
and lastly...
"It wasn't meant to be" hmmm... would love to know who makes the decisions. Or maybe not, they would get a mouth full!!
One of my friends, who is younger than me actually said before my lap (which failed to unblock my tubes and found that my tubes don't even attach to my ovaries)..
"What will I do when you get pregnant?" hmmm, what, because you are not ready for a family you are worried about what YOU will do. What about "good luck, I'm here for you, take care, I hope everything goes ok for you hun"

I could keep going and going.

Hugs,
Abi
xx


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## Scotgirl28 (Mar 2, 2012)

Hi Abi,
That sounds terrible.   Makes me glad I've only told 3 close friends. So far 2 out of the 3 haven't said anything silly.
Yeah you should read the article, I felt really validated after reading it.   We're not just being oversensitive! 
Kirsty.


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Hi Scotgirl28 and Julie37, I'm glad you read the article and found it as helpful as I did. I happened to stumble across it only fairly recently and soooo wish I'd found it at the start of my tx, but nevermind, I have it now and am slowly but surely passing it on to friends and family in a kinda 'dropping it into the conversation' type way  As you say, I think it validates how we all feel, and shows that we're not alone in how we feel and that we're not just being 'over sensitive' or should 'just get on with it'.

Barbs71 and marleymoo, I seriously cannot believe what has been said to you! It makes me hurt for you. When I hear things like that being said it just makes me want to scream and shout in people's faces! Grrr 

Bluething, firstly I'd like to send you a massive hug  I think you are being incredibly strong in agreeing to be your sisters birthing partner, partly because of what you are having to face personally, but also because of the insensitive things that she has said to you. If it were _my _ sister I'd tell here where to go!! (maybe that's just me being cold and heartless?!). I know I keep going on about it, but your sister should definitely read the 'Infertility Etiquette' article on here - it might explain a few things to her! Secondly I'm glad you are finding lots of support from FF, I know I have and don't know what I'd have done without it. Keep posting! 

Hugs to all xxx


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## Hoppity (Mar 19, 2012)

Oh Bluething, absolutely you need to be honest with her, and echoing what others have said-if she cannot understand or support you then maybe she 'isn't meant to be' your friend!

2 of my best friends told me they are pregnant this year. One is extremely supportive and sensitive to my feelings. She keeps my spirits up by telling me she knows one way or another I'll be a mummy and that she is keeping absolutely everything for me from her two children, clothes, nursery furniture etc, because when I'm either a biological, adoptive or foster mummy then I'll need it all!

The other friend. Well. She came round to tell me she was pregnant, which was nice to tell me in person rather than a text. However the next sentence was, 'but it's not my husbands and I'd like you to come with me for a termination.' OMG! I think my shock was audible, she light heartedly said oh wouldn't it solve both our problems if you could have this one! Yes it bloomin would, why are you irresponsible with your fertility when I would sell my soul to raise and love your unwanted baby.

But of course I didn't say any of that to her. Instead I nodded, giving her my support. She says she knew I would understand (my job is involved with families and children) and I wish I'd have been honest with her. In the end the 'lover' went with her for the termination much to my relief. I'm not anti-abortion I'm really not I just don't need my face rubbed in it!

My sister at the age of 39 has declared that she and her husband have decided to remain childless as they enjoy their outdoors, sporty, life and her athletic figure too much. Oh to have the choice! I am not bitter, I just want her to not be in a position of regret.

Thank you NosilaB for such an insightful article, much appreciated.

Lots of love and strength to you all  

Jules x


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

Oh my goodness Jules, your post about your friend and her temination almost brought a tear to my eye!  How insensitive of her, it just makes me want to cry for all of us that we are constantly surrounded by so many insensitive people - if they had to experience just one week of how we felt they would truly understand the heartache we all face    I'm glad you didn't have to go with her in the end, I think it would have been too much to deal with.  Glad you found the link helpful, sadly I can't take any credit for it, I just happened to find it on the 'coping with infertility' thread and felt I had to share it with as many people as poss    In fact I've literally just sent the link on to a work colleague, accompanied by a nice email, I hope she too finds it 'helpful' in understanding my feelings and emotions.


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## Hoppity (Mar 19, 2012)

Thank you Nosila, Yes my DP was unimpressed too!

Hugs x


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## LyndaLou2 (Mar 14, 2011)

I can believe how insensitive and cruel so called friends, family and work colleages are to those in such difficult circumstances. I guess most of the time its not meant, its just they will never understand your heartache. When i was trying to conceive i felt really down and depressed, its so hard seeing others either pregnant or with their babies, although you are happy for them, as every little life is a miracle.Friends would say " are you not having children yet? ".

I came across a video at the time, it kind of summed up how i felt, and what i was going through. I wasnt sure if i should post the link or not, it made me cry when i watched the video, im so sorry if it makes you cry too. I think the video is a useful tool to help others understand your pain and heartache. If you havent got the words to tell friends or family how you feel, maybe think about showing them this video, its called "Empty Arms"

http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html


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## pinkpantha (Feb 18, 2012)

Hi,

Having put a post on here already I can now comment again on yet a timely event....my sister in law is pregnant...8 weeks....my DH did not do the best job of telling me at 11pm when I just got in the door...hence not asleep now...Deep down I am happy for her because she is family but equally feel like s":t...its the first grandchild for his parents...feel like its a bit of a race with his family as to who can do what first..we were supposed to get engaged in april 2010 only could not fly because of ash cloud so his sister got engaged in april instead....they have just found out about our problems and then just told us they are pregnant..I know it overcasts their pregnancy for which I feel bad about but I feel we have barely had time to take in our news let alone talk about it with his family...equally will find it hard to see his family now - they are abroad....his sister wants to talk to me tomorrow...feel so awkward but also feels like another kick in the stomach and that I am well and truly the 'infertile wife'....worst part is I used to have decent confidence and knew my self worth...now when I see or meet not very nice people (with kids), I feel so inferior...makes me so angry that I feel like this but the emptiness is indescribable..DH does not really know what to say to me and considering it his sister can't obviously feel the way I do...feel like crap


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## Julie37 (Feb 16, 2012)

Hi Pinkpantha

I really feel for you in this situation, although we are happy for family & friends who things are going to plan for it feels like such a kick in the teeth for us doesn't it?

You don't have to talk to your sister-in-law until YOUR ready to do so. In some ways it might bring to their attention that this isn't going to be easy for you which may help as time goes on with family situations to come. You can still make them aware (albeit perhaps via yr husband) that you are happy for them but just not ready to talk about it yet.

I too used to be a very confident outgoing person but now I feel I'm just a shadow of my former self. My self esteem is on the floor & I often wonder what the point to all this is. 
My friends have pretty much all have partners and kids now and I feel like the last in line. I've spent much time being annoyed about then 'pinching' the names I like too which might sound stupid but I keep thinking 'it's not fair if things had gone to plan I'd have had it, I can't have it now cos then it would look like I've copied you'!  That probably sounds daft but anyway my point was you are not alone in what you are feeling.

Put YOUR feelings first for a change 

Julie x


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## Maybethistime (Oct 20, 2008)

Next time someone asks out favourite names lets share the following


Gobnet ( I kid you not this is an actual name)
Cecil
Cyril
Gertie
Grimsby 
Bertha
Adolph
Kitten 
Jack Daniels  and Malibu ( got these from take a break)
Rex ( its a dogs name)
Blue angel ( that what you call it when someone lights a fart)
Saddam
Abul
Aengus


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## Hoppity (Mar 19, 2012)

giggle at Elaine  

Good luck for today  

Jules


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## Nosilab (Jun 29, 2011)

*Lyndalou2* - thanks for video link, I've bookmarked and I'm going to watch that later - don't think I ought to watch it now as I'm at work, don't want to start blubbing uncontrollably at my desk 

Hi *Pinkpantha*, I agree with Julie37 (btw Julie - I totally get what you mean about the name things), don't feel you HAVE to speak to your SIL just because it's seen as the right thing to do. You have to think about YOUR feeling and how you feel right now, and if it's not right for you then don't do it. I am currently reading a book that somebody on here recommended to me, it's called 'Conquering Infertility', here is a little bit I read last night on the subject of self-nurturing "Sometimes nurturing yourself means giving yourself permission to say no to situations that will upset you or cause you grief - a baby shower, a Passover celebration at a fertile sister's house, your niece's kindergarten dance recital", I think that sentence would also include having a telephone conversation with your 8 week pregnant SIL. Be gentle and kind to yourself, you're going through a lot right now - don't put added pressure on yourself to do things that will upset you just because others think you should  (PS: it's great book - I'd recommend it!)

xx


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## Julie37 (Feb 16, 2012)

Ha ha Elaine - I like it!!! 

Julie x


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## pinkpantha (Feb 18, 2012)

Hello!

Lol at Elaine - you forgot, Cuthbert, Egbert, Esmerelda and Herbert and not fogetting Gertrude, Maud and Madge/Hilda...ha ha ha! You have cheeered me up thanks!   Totally know what you mean about the names - I love the name Phoebe and my friend who is 38 pg with her second child i am sure will call it phoebe if its a girl...but i thnk f'it - if you want that name too you should have it afterall they don't own the name either so do what you want - its not like the kids have to be best friends! 

Good luck to you all and bless you for your support, 
enjoy the sunshine!


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