# linked - what information should we ask for



## XchardonnayX (Mar 23, 2009)

Hi all


We have been linked to a little boy and have received his CPR and have had a meeting with his SW.  Would like to know what information we should ask for and who else we should meet?

Would really appreciate your help, we are really excited but after reading on here for many years realise it is better to have the information before matching panel.

best wishes


Chardonnay xx


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## Clomidia (Dec 13, 2007)

Hi C
Good news! Hope the meeting goes well.   
I think SW meetings can vary depending on the individuals involved, ours asked loads and loads of questions of us, but our friends got one or two questions at most! Also, some SWs can know the child very well, others may only have taken over the case and not know that much. 
In terms of what you can ask them, we went through the CPR very carefully and made a list of all the issues we felt were unresolved/we were unsure of, and had those ready for the SW meeting. 
We then asked about the child/ren themselves, for an update since the CPR was written. 
We also asked about timeframes, and if they were considering any other couples. 
They then showed us a dvd, which really helped. 
(We also fed them lunch, which broke the ice) 

The following week they came back and said yes to us, and arranged for us to meet the FC and the paediatrician. For those meetings we were very well prepared, and used the list of Qs on Adoption UK's website, adapted for us. We felt the FC meeting was the most important as she knows the child/ren best, so went in armed with dozens of Qs! 

Good luck!!!    

EDITED TO ADD: Sorry, think you actually met SW? Ooops silly me. 
The SW should tell you who they'd like you to meet, usually FC, doc, teachers, but depends on the child's background. 
If you haven't already seen all the medical letters etc you can ask for a copy of those (birth report, any doc appointments)
Sorry again fo rgetting confused!


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## XchardonnayX (Mar 23, 2009)

Thanks Clomidia for all the information.

Yes we have met with LO's SW, meeting went really well and they have picked us!  LO is just over 12 months so wasn't sure what reports to ask to see.

I will look for the list of questions for the FC.  Do you know if we get to meet the FC more than once?  I know I will have a load of things to ask and don't really want to bombard her all in one go!

Thanks again for reply

Chardonnay xx


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## Clomidia (Dec 13, 2007)

Oooh, lovely, exciting times for you! 

We met the FC only once and yes, I had loads of Qs! We were told we only had 1/2 hour with her!!   But she stayed for an hour and we got lots of info.  She will also do a detailed summary of LO's routines after matching panel, so that will hopefully fill in any gaps, and tell us about types of washing powder, bedding etc etc. 

Our LO is very young also but there was still quite a few letters/documents to read, so I guess it depends on the child   

Oh, and we had an hour with the paediatrician also. 
Have you got a panel date yet?


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi

Congratulations on your link, exciting times!!  Our DD came home in October aged 14 months and in the run up to this we had the following info/saw the following people:

Profile
CPR
Medical reports
SALT report
SW did an update on developmental stages day before her visit which was fantastic and really answered most of the questions we had.
Visit from SW and Family Finder

We were then officially linked.

Shortly after being linked we met the FC.  I had already given a list of questions to the SW so FC came prepared and she was with us for nearly 3 hours (had a 8 hour round trip too).

We then had a meeting with the agencies medical adviser (whether there are any issues or not it is good to do this) 
Pre-Placement Meeting with our SW, child's SW, Family Finding team, FC and her support worker to plan intros.

Panel

After the planning meeting we started having phone calls with the FC to find out more about our child and likes/dislikes, routines etc.

Good luck
OT


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## Clomidia (Dec 13, 2007)

OT I am so jealous of your three hours with the FC! When we turned up and were told we'd have half an hour, we were gobsmacked!   
Lucky for us, the FC was having none of it either and we managed to get more time on the day... 
Sounds like you had a fab, organised team around you


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

They came to us and we provided lunch so they couldn't just get away!!!  The team were great, unfortunately the FC  didn't cope very well with the reality of letting LO go so that was stressful but worth it


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

lots of information here and I'm curious too cause we're being shown a recommendation next Wed, but going to panel on 23rd Feb to get approved as adopters. We're hoping to get officially matched either on the same day or not too long after but can anyone give us an idea of timescales please?


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## XchardonnayX (Mar 23, 2009)

Thanks Clomidia and Old Timer

*Clomidia* - Half an hour, no way, I'm glad you managed more. We are hopefully going to panel mid Feb but latest early March, seems along way away but used to all the delays by now! Lots of things to organise so will keep busy.

*Old Timer* - Good idea about doing lunch, sounds like a good plan.

What is a SALT report?

Thank you both for the information.

Can I ask? I've started to look at things to buy but don't want to get too ahead of myself in case it doesn't work out but not sure when to ask FC what will come with LO? When did you ask?

Very exited at the mo, keep thinking what he is doing and wishing he was here! But at the same time can't forget that we could be disappointed if it doesn't work out.

We have been told that they have picked us, does this mean we have officially been matched and just waiting for matching panel?

Love

Chardonnay xx


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi

A SALT report is Speech and Language Therapy, our LO had a referral due to not taking lumpy food very well but they found no problems and the report actually said FC was holding her back! 

You are officially linked which means your SW will no longer be looking for a child for you as it is considered that all will be fine and you will become the Mummy of this child.  At the same time though they tell you not to get to ahead of yourself as things could (though VERY rarely) go wrong.  However, you are generally expected to prepare the bedroom and some of the things you need could be on a few weeks delivery.......

I think it is very rare now for a child to come with any useful equipment as the FCs tend to be kitted out and have to use the same stuff for the next child and the next.......  Do you know whether the placing LA give a settling in grant?  If its available it will cover things like car seat, cot/bed, highchair, pushchair (essential equipment) and has to be claimed back from receipts after placement, though with the cuts many are not doing this now    You could start buying things that would suit any child if you want to buy something but not brave enough yet to risk it!  First time round we were approved for 1 or 2 children, 0-4 years but were linked with our DS who was just 2.  The FC had just moved him to a bed so we went with a bed, hindsight I wish we'd got a cot/bed and took him back a stage but you live and learn    2nd time around we knew we were looking at a smaller age range and so would need a nursery so it was easier to buy furniture.  We also had more confidence the 2nd time round that it would go to plan so once linked we started buying things and spread the cost as the placing LA don't give any financial assisstance.

Its normal to worry things will go wrong but if you think logically, rather than emotionally, you have your SW, Child's SW and their managers happy to proceed so things should be fine.  The problems start really when your SW doesn't support the match or when paperwork is done poorly.  Remember they want this child to have a family and they will have gone through a lengthy and expensive process to find you, if it went wrong it would make them look incompetent, cost a fortune and add another 6+ months to a child being in care.

OT x


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## Clomidia (Dec 13, 2007)

Arrows, what do you mean by timescale? To panel or matching or intros? Some of it very much depends on the LA, the age of child, a bit of luck...! 

OT, unfortunately we met FC at the LA and her SW kept trying to get her to go because she had another meeting... lucky for us FC was happy to stay longer  Sorry you have had problems with yours. Ours has had LO since birth and I am concerned about her letting go... 

Chardonnay, you've got brilliant advice there from OT. I can't add much, but when we met the FC she was naturally telling us about LO's typical day, and of course then mentioned "you might need x" or "you don't need y". So we made a note of it. But she said she will email us next week with a proper list of all the other bits and pieces. She is very experienced FC so trusting (gulp!) that's what will happen and trying not to panic about it for now. 

We are first timers too and haven't bought a thing. I suspect there will be a shopping frenzy if all goes well next week... 
That said, we have done some research and priced up the cot/bed, buggy, highchair etc. I've spread the shopping plans between ikea, John Lewis and Argos. With JL, if you can pick it up from the store they will have your order ready for you in 48 hours, so that is what we are doing about the cot and pram. 

I try to think logically that it WILL happen but I suppose we are just nervous that something might go wrong, and not wanting to jinx things, so that's why we're waiting to shop. However, our friends bought everything they needed once they were officially linked. Each to their own, do what feels right for you   

We are getting £250 from the LA, so it's not going to cover everything... I have suddenly discovered how expensive children are!   

Oh and we've made our dvd... what fun!! I couldn't stop giggling...


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## XchardonnayX (Mar 23, 2009)

Thanks OT for the info - good to hear from an experienced adopter, that's why FF is great - where else would we get this true experience and information from.

Clomidia - when do you go to panel & can I ask how old LO is?  I've been doing the same thing - window shopping, it's actually really enjoyable, the first thing I did when we were linked was look how small his age of clothes were   

I feel alot more confident now but I think I will pick all the things I think we will need and then buy them once we have been to matching panel.  We get £300 (I think) but like you say things are so expensive although I understand some do not get any!

Chardonnay xxx

ps. hope you all have a fab weekend!


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## Lulu2003 (Jan 10, 2006)

Hiya you're pretty lucky with the meetings with FC

 in my LA we've been told we can't even speak to FC until AFTER the matching panel. 


No settling grant either but that's not a huge issue


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## XchardonnayX (Mar 23, 2009)

Hi Lulu

Can't believe you do not get to meet the FC before matching panel, I really do not understand how every area works differently!  I can't wait to speak to our LO's SW, I have a long list of questions.  

Have you started shopping yet?  I'm window shopping tomorrow - can't wait! xx


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## Lulu2003 (Jan 10, 2006)

Hiya. We've met the sw but she didn't have that much info other than the CPR but that was full. 

I'd love to have been able to speak to FC but we've been told no!

It's so exciting! We've bought everything but stuck to neutrals in case something awful happens at panel. 

I'm so nervous but everyone tells us approval panel is more likely to have gone wrong. 

How are you feeling?


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## Clomidia (Dec 13, 2007)

Hi   

We were matched last week, it all went wonderfully smoothly and they were lovely! she is just over a year old. She comes home next month! 

Shopping has begun in earnest! 

Lulu, I can't believe you haven't met FC either - in my experience, SW hardly knew the child, FC really told us SO much information, don't feel confident we'd have made the decision so easily otherwise. Good luck - you'll be fine!!! 

x


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## XchardonnayX (Mar 23, 2009)

Congratulations to you both (Clomidia and Lulu) so happy for you.

How was it? Bet you are both madly shopping and organising! 

Lulu - your introductions are starting quickly, we were told we would have to wait 10 days after matching panel! you must be on cloud nine.

Our linking meeting is Thursday so hopefully a bit closer for us.  Can't think about anything else, really don't know what you are both thinking!

Chardonnay xx


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## Clomidia (Dec 13, 2007)

We are getting there   

We went out last weekend and got the main things (cot, chair, car seat) and now we are getting organised in terms of little bits and pieces, baby proofing the house this weekend, need to shop for nappies, wipes etc. I'm still working so trying to book time off with dh so we can do the big things together...!! 

We also have two weeks before intros - really think I need it! LOL! 

It was absolutely wonderful though, such a great, great day. I cried loads - all tears of joy!


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