# Single Journey...



## Val74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Hi, I've lurked here as a guest for ages and only now getting the courage to post. Apologies if this question is a  bit forward but have read in different  posts that some of you here started out as part of a couple and wondered if any of you would share your story and how you coped with it? My marriage is totally on the brink. Husband generally unsupportive, cold and distant and says it's because I'm not nice to him. Catch 22 as I'm so angry at the things hes said and done that i cant help being horrible. Just wondering what point you all got to before you knew it was the end?xx


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Hiya Val welcome and sorry you seem to be in such a bad place with your marriage   a few of us here are divorced, I was ttc with my ex husband but to no avail, I knew my marriage was over when he cheated on me, we reconciled after a couple of years separation but sadly he did it again so it had to end, I accept my part as I'm sure I neglected his needs as I got too consumed with infertility and all the negative that goes with it   

Would counselling help you get back on track and realise the good things you have together? Single motherhood is incredibly hard, often lonely and I very much hope I'm able to meet somebody who will be a good father to my boys, tbh most of us are not single by choice but purely circumstance and if you can make it work with your hubby perhaps seek help before you embark on going it alone.

x


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## natclare (May 27, 2011)

Not quite the same thing as you I am afraid. I had a wonderful relationship. We knew it was the end because we couldn't agree on having children. He was a lot older and just couldn't bring himself to have children in his 50s so jointly we decided I needed to be single and attempt to find a new partner. It hasn't worked so far for me but he has remarried and is happy. Sorry to hear things are not good with you and your husband and I personally would investigate all avenues (counselling?) before calling it quits especially if you love each other. You should not regret any decision. I wish you all the very best xx


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## Val74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Thank you both so much for responding. I just don't know what to do. He won't consider counselling but every day now is either spent arguing or being distant. I thought we'd turned a corner after a long chat the other day but he continues to be distant. For someone tactile like me emotional withdrawal is the most painful thing someone can do. He said he will do the cycle with me but put lots of stipulations on this like he'll still be doing this, he'll still be going out every week etc etc. I just cant work out whether this is just us at boiling point ir whether iy really is time to walk. Am sorry to post here as its relationship stuff but cant think of where else I can put it.x


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## mamochka (May 23, 2013)

Val - I will PM you tomorrow with my story and support. Hang in there! Mx


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Val there is a relationship forum on here with lots of ladies going through the same as you  

I can understand your feelings and having a child with or without him seems to make sense, but I'm sure it would only confuse and distress you further if you are not in the right place emotionally. I def wouldn't do this immediately after a breakup for sure (it took me 5 years) as far too much emotion attached and you need your head clear so you can fully commit yourself to a child/children. 

If he won't do counselling go on your own as it may just help give you some guidance and an outlet to sort through what you are feeling.


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## Val74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Thank you, I hadn't seen that relationship bit. And natclare have just reread your post. That must have been awful for you, hope your ok. And you too blondie, takes a lot of courage to walk away from something even when you have been hurt. To give them another chance after that was very magnanimous of you.  I admire your strength.xx


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## Sharry (May 13, 2007)

I think you need to have a certain post count to see the relationship area.

Sharry x


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## Val74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Thanks sharry, possibly, it is open me now thanks. Mamochka, thanks for your mesage i will replie soon as i can.xx


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## BroodyChick (Nov 30, 2009)

Sorry to hear that Val!
Yes it's hard to compromise on something as essential as starting a family. I've been in this situation many, many times.
Often the guy was/felt too young, and the guy I was engaged to was basically just mental so it was for the best our ttc attempts didn't work. the ex I was pregnant by turned out to be a cheat after I miscarried...
So being a mum on my own wasn't my first choice either. However we don't learn, so I had the highest of hopes for my most recent ex, only for him to leave me with a 3 month old baby!
Anyway... If you feel you're flogging a dead horse where your hubby is concerned, take a break from him.
Maybe missing you will bring him round? I'm not saying become a mum on your own straight away but he has to realise that his life will CHANGE when you have a baby.
What type of person do you want to parent with? A hands on dad or some ghost?
I'm asking because 1) men ALL do a lot less than women anyway (household and kids), so would he create more work for you, or pull his weight? Are there things he may still do which you'd otherwise have to pay someone for?
2) a friend was in that situation where her partner (now husband) tried to bargain with her about his nights out (what about HER nights out? Yeah you guessed it, she's not had one in 7 years...). He NEVER changed a nappy. He still travels abroad and leaves her home alone with 2 kids! He goes and has breakfast by himself... He doesn't discipline the kids when they climb the furniture... He sets them a bad example.

Yes perhaps in some ways this guy is better than NO other pair of hands, but perhaps she may have met someone willing to get a lot more involved. At least when you're single people know you may be struggling and offer you help.


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