# Should we now look into surrogacy



## Specky77 (Aug 5, 2004)

Hi Ladies,

I just need a bit of advice really, we've just gone through our 8th tx which ended in a BFN yesterday, we have been to 3 different clinics, the latest being the ARGC, this latest go we tried IVIG and steroids as I have high NK cells, I really thought this go would work as we tried so much but even though initially I had a HGC of 13 it went down to 8 the next day.  Our problem is we only have 1 vial of sperm left, DH had testicular cancer a few years ago, and we have 8 Frosties, although personally I think 4 of the frosties are better than the others as they are more advanced and plus both times we've done a FET we have got a faint positive with that batch.

Our problem is once our supplies run out that's it for us, DH doesn't want to go down the donor sperm route and I have to respect his decision.  I'm now thinking that maybe we should do FET with a surrogate as obviously there seems to be a problem with my body, well that's what I think as the clinic said my embryos were really good quality.

Do you think this is probably the best decision, I just don't want to keep trying on our own and it keep failing because all of a sudden we're gonna run out of frosties and sperm then it'll all be over for us.

Also I've looked at Cots and UK Surrogacy and am thinking of paying the membership, but I'm thinking at the moment our savings have been wiped clean so its proably gonna take us a year to 18 months to save the £15k-£20k, should we not join just yet or would it be worth joining as it could take a year or two to find a surrogate?  

Any advice would really be appreciated.

Paula
xx


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## leo (Mar 7, 2005)

Hi Paula it does sound like you have been through so much and I would say that Surrogacy sounds ideal for you if you are 100% with it.

I am a member of Cots and I know at present they only have a handful of Host couples waiting for a surrogate, so you may find you would be picked quiet quickly but there is no guarantee.

It may be wise to save up the money then join either Cots or another organsiation, but you do not need all the money up front. You would need the joining fee and then when you start working with a surro need to pay for her clinic and travelling expenes to the clinic, if sheis lucky to get pregnant then you would only pay a precentage to her each month and the most of the money after the baby is born which if you are lucky to be match within a month or two of joining then you get to know each other the treatment and pregnancy you could be looking at 18 months to 2 years.

As you already have frosties you could be choosen quickly as I know myself I ask for details of couples who already have frosties, as it's much quicker with the clinics.

All the best with your choose
Lynne xxx


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## nostalgicsam (Jul 1, 2005)

Hi Paula,
so sorry to hear all you've been throug x

that's sound advice from Lynne 

it can take yrs (took us yrs) and if you wait until you have the money you could be still waiting after that time, or if you join somewhere now you could meet someone and start in a few months, it's not an easy deicison but either way I personally would join and borrow the money if you had to, although Lynne is right that you will not need lots of money upfront and if it did take a while to meet a surro, then you can be saving all that time but researching and 'being out there' as you do.
Sam


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## Specky77 (Aug 5, 2004)

Thank you so much for your advice ladies. After spending most of the day in tears due to our recent bfn you've now given me that little bit of hope I was looking for. I think we will start saving and then join cots in maybe February march time so at least we have a little in our savings, then we can add to it each month. I'm 100% certain this is the route I want to go down and I'm hoping the argc will be willing to help me with this. Maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel after all. 

Paula xx


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## nic100 (Oct 29, 2009)

I just wanted to say good luck, I agree with what Lynne has said
I am also with COTs 
Also thinking it doesn't harm to ring someone there and tell them what you thinking - they are lovely and will help

xxx


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## Specky77 (Aug 5, 2004)

Thank you ladies,

I have spoken to Robin and told him my plans, he agrees that I should wait until I have a little saved as he things I may meet a surrogate quite quickly seeing as I have my own frozen embryos, so I've told him I should hopefully be able to join around May time although if I relaly knuckle down maybe I can join a bit earlier.  I have my follow up at the ARGC on Thursday next week and am just praying that they agree this is the best route for me and also hoping they don't say my failures are due to bad embryo quality because if that is the case we're stuffed again.  I don't think we could then do straight surrogacy as DH doesn't produce sperm so the baby would not be biologically either of ours.  Fingers crossed its just a problem with my body rejecting the embryos.

xx


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

specky77 good luck with yout follow up, also check it out but I am pretty sure that one of you has to be genetically related to the child for surrogacy to take place.

I am sure that Natalie or someone will be able to advise you

L x


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## nostalgicsam (Jul 1, 2005)

Good luck with your appt, please continue to have hope as surrogacy can and does work x

PS one of you does have to be genetically related to the baby for it to be surrogacy


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## TP.C (Aug 29, 2010)

Just wanted to wish you the very best of luck 

We're currently on our surrogacy journey (carrying a baby was never an option for me) and so far have found it a positive experience with some lovely and very supportive people 

Thinking of you, hope you're feeling more optimistic soon x


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## Specky77 (Aug 5, 2004)

Thank you ladies, we are looking at possibly doing Host surrogacy with our embryos, all depending what the clinic tell us on Thursday, I'm just praying they're not gonna say its embryo quality because DH won't consider donor sperm unless we also used donor eggs so therefore we wouldn't be able to do surrogacy.  Not long until my app anyways.

Tinyp - good luck on your journey, I hope it all works out well for you, I'm quite excited about this whole thing but can't sign up anywhere until we have a bit of money behind us.

xx


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## Specky77 (Aug 5, 2004)

I've had my follow up app today and am so pleased, the consultant is fine with us going down the surrogacy road, he understands that after 8 failed txs that we're running out of frozen supplies and we need to do what we think its best.  They don't know if our problem is embryo quality or whether its a problem with me getting pg, so we've decided if we take me out of the equation maybe we will have a better chance of getting that longed for BFP.

I think we are going to join COTS as I've printed off information for both COTS and SUK and I'm being drawn towards COTS more for some reason, but we can't do anything until after xmas as we need to have some savings behind us before we start, so hopefully by about Feb/March time we'll be able to join up and hopefully someone will like us enough to help us.

xx


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## tisonlyme (Aug 6, 2010)

hia, just thought  iwould say good luck with your journey.
I am going to be joining hopefully ****************** in the next couple of weeks.

As you say, lets hope that our angel is out there for us 

charlotte


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## TP.C (Aug 29, 2010)

Really glad to hear you got a positive reaction from your consultant. 

Very best of luck with your surrogacy journey - let us know how it's going! 

x


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## ♥samonthemoon♥ (Apr 2, 2007)

Hi Paula. 

Have been keeping an eye on the egg donation boards for a while as thinking about donating and just happened to come on here to look a bit more into surro and happened read ur post. I want to wish you all the luck in the world for your journey   I think putting your trust and hopes into a surro is huge deal and i hope you find a truely wonderful person to help you. 

Sam xXx


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