# just found out that ..................................



## leanne2005 (Dec 2, 2004)

just found out that my dp has no sperm there for cant have a child of his own and he said if he cant have children he doesnt want any how can i cope child free for the rest of my life please help me


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Leanne,

So sorry to hear this you must be devastated. Has your dh just had a sperm test or have they looked further. My Goddaughters (ICSI) their dad had no sperm and when the did more investigations (got the sperm directly from his nuts) they found he had sperm but no vein to let the sperm out (vas vein)

They had icsi and now have 3 year old twins.

Sorry if I'm telling you something you already know.

Also my husband has very low sperm count and years ago when we started on this fertility ride we had counselling. They spoke to us about donor sperm and we both said NO WAY. However 5 years on when the options are reducing we are now looking into that (we did manage to have our son via icsi)

What I'm trying to say is that everything will be raw at the moment and he may need time to come to terms with never having a biological child, he may in time decide being a daddy means more than anything and at that point start looking at other routes.

Although i don't post on either board (because we have not made and decision yet) i follow the adoption and donor sperm threads and the joy those couples get when they become a family is amazing.

Good luck with where ever your journey takes you

Fiona


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## isobel (Mar 30, 2004)

HI Leanne,

Sorry to hear that you are facing this nightmare.

My dh was found to have no sperm on our initial tests. However he underwent surgery to remove sperm from his testicles and then we underwent ICSI treatment ( a form of IVF). It turned out that he had been born with the vas (as Fiona described), the tube that transports the sperm to the outside world.

We are now 8 weeks pregnant with our own biological child.

I remember well the devastation of that day when we were given the news but it is not neccessarily the end of the road.

Wishing you strength to get through this,

Isobel
XX


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## leanne2005 (Dec 2, 2004)

hi thank you for ur replys my dp is not producing sperm at all so i dont what where to go from here


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## lucysmith (Oct 12, 2004)

I guess the other options are donor sperm or adoption. Is this making you reconsider your wedding, Leanne?


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## leanne2005 (Dec 2, 2004)

yes my dp is saying he is thinking of leaving me cause he says he thinks i will be better off without him but thats is not true


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## lucysmith (Oct 12, 2004)

He must be feeling awful. My dh was the same this time last year.   It was the pits. We got through it though. Keep talking to each other.


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## leanne2005 (Dec 2, 2004)

i am trying to talk to him but he dosnt really feel like talking to me at the moment


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## lucysmith (Oct 12, 2004)

Leave him for a while then. Remember men are from mars and they like to go into their caves and come out again when they are ready! Have you got any good friends besides in this forum you can talk to about this?


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## Jennifer (Jul 22, 2004)

Leanne - I am sorry you and your dp are going through this.  Before our tests, my dp said if there was any problem with him, then he didn't want to try sperm donor but the nearer we got to tx the more he decided that having a family was more important than the genetics.  We were lucky that his sperm was useable (poor but ok for ICSI) but he would have been ok with a donor had we needed one 

Perhaps he just needs some space to come to terms with it - like Lucy says, Men are From Mars and do need to retreat to think - It is an awful shock to find you will never have children who are genetically your own.  You might find that once he has had some space, and perhaps heard some stories (later down the line) about successful donor babies, then he might come around to the idea and you can still have the family you both dream about.

Keep him close and love and support eachother - its that that will get you through this as a strong couple


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## astrid (Feb 10, 2003)

Hi Leanne
So sorry to read that you are having such a difficult time at the moment...
I agree i think what we are all saying is you need time...Your hubby needs time to get his head around all of this and don't forget about yourself also...
It really is such an upsetting sitution and it will take time to digest. He is dealing with all kinds of emotions and he must feel very upset and confused at present...
I really feel for you both and do understand that you are feeling such immense pain that will take time...
You know where we are if you need us...
lots of love astridxx


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## Fran (Eva04) (Nov 18, 2004)

Leanne
I hope that you can look to your future with hope. When my DP was found to have 100% abnormal morphology we were both devastated. He went to the gym every night for 2 months as he felt less of a man. We cried so many times. It was a long and hard road. We eventually found our pace in life again and found just having small goals - like a holiday - really helped. We came to terms with the possibility of ICSI failure and were both in a way quite excited about possibly eventually adopting - as we really had come to terms with our situation - though i fully understand that some don't want to take that route. Anyway, whilst our problem is different to yours, we are now expecting our first child after ICSI. We were very lucky as they managed to find some normal sperm.
Things WILL get better - but we all know just how hard this road is. 
Feel free to IM me if you need a listening ear. 
Love and hugs
Eva


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