# Just starting out



## Mrs Midge (Jul 19, 2007)

Hi everyone, me and my husband are just starting out on the adoption journey after ttc for 4 years (2 iui's and 3 ivf's) Has anyone got any good adviceand how long is the whole process likely to take? I feel like i have got a million questions and dont know where to go.


----------



## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Hi Mrs Midge

welcome to the adoption thread hun

the length of time the process takes can vary but you should be approved to adopt within 8 or 9 months from your official application  

why not come and join the adoption journey thread 

pam xx


----------



## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

mrs midge

welcome!    i am a newbie too. dh had a failed vas rev and failed sperm retrievel earlier in the month so we are looking into adoption too.

hopefully we can help each other along the way 

love camly xx


----------



## Mrs Midge (Jul 19, 2007)

Thanks for the info Saphy75. Even though we have just started looking into adoption and i know there is a long way to go, i feel really exited and full of hope and optimism. After ttc for 4 years and the emotional and physical rollercoaster of fertility treatments i finally feel like me and hubby have reached the right decision and I'm itching to get things moving. It would be nice to go through this with someone so we'll keep in touch Camly!


----------



## suffolklady77 (Aug 2, 2005)

hiya mrs 
dh and i are about the same as you although we are taking a few months out before we put our application in
-gayle x


----------



## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hiya mrs m

yeah it would be nice to go thru this with someone to 'bounce' things off of...  

im still waiting for our information pack, nothing as yet, that will be 2 weeks come monday.   

take care and keep in touch.

hope everyone else is well.  xxx


----------



## Mrs Midge (Jul 19, 2007)

Hi everyone, just thought i would update you all. Went to our introductory meeting last week with our local authority and came away from that even more excited and positive that we were doing the right thing. Made a phone call the next day and our initial application is in. Just waiting to here from social worker now to arrange our first session. Hope everyone else is doing well.


----------



## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hi mrs m

glad things are going well for you. keep us updated. 

we got our info pack this morning - it only took 3 weeks!!    we will have a look at it tonight and then send the form away tomorrow. its all very daunting isnt it? 

hi to everyone else.   

love camly xxx


----------



## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Hi Newbies,

Welcome to the board.

Good Luck with your adoption journeys.

I am mummy to poohbear who we adopted 2 years ago and we have just started on the road again to adopt again.

Chat soon.

PBMxx


----------



## Angelbabywood (May 11, 2005)

Hi Mrs M/Calmy

We have just started out also, went to our first adopting info meeting couple of weeks ago and have replied back.  Had letter last week stating we will be allocated a social worker within 4 weeks. We too came away feeling very excited and emotional.  DH is very reserved with his emotions but we were out in the car the other day and he just came out with "I'm really excited about adopting" I could have jumped on him if he hadn't of been driving.  Made me think yeah...we're doing the right thing.

Wishing our lives away but can't wait, know it's going to be hard work though reading some of the other posts on here.

Goods Luck ladies.

xx


----------



## Mrs Midge (Jul 19, 2007)

Hi ladies, Just thought i would update you all. We have been allocated a social worker and our first visit is beginning of September. Its finally starting to happen and i just hope she likes us and we are given the go ahead to officially apply. Hope you are all ok.
Mrs Midge xxxx


----------



## Angelbabywood (May 11, 2005)

Hi Mrs Midge

Congrats on being allocated social worker.  We have also and our first visit with her is August 17th so a little sooner than yours.  She sounded really nice on phonebut I'm really nervous, Ifeel like we'll be judged as soon as we walk in the door.

Going to make sure we take lots of questions to ask.


----------



## Springtime (Feb 23, 2006)

Hi

Good luck on your journey. It can at times seem a long wait but things move well after the application form and up to panel. before and then after waiting for a match can be long. 

Please consider that generally you will speak to the SW on the phone, be booked to the next open day (maybe 2 months away), within a week of that get a visit from the SW to pre assess you and chat. If that goes well you will be invited to apply, it can be a few weeks before you are invited. You then get the very long form and you send that back. At that point the clock ticks for the 8 month target to get you approved. You may then have to attend a pre course or have a sw allocated to you which could be 2 more months.

So what I'm saying is don't worry about being 100% clear in you mind before you start the ball rolling. You will have lots of time prior to home study to decide its go or no go. Obviously at that point you need to pretty sure and the SW will want to know you are pretty sure before they waste their resource!

I'd also say get as much child experience as possible. Nurseries seem to be happy to take on voluntary helpers. I do 1/2 day per week to suit me and the nursery just treat it as a bonus pair of hands. I have learned a lot about setting boundaries, communication, what they can and can't manage at different ages. As well as having a bit of fun!

Bear in mind that some people wait years after approval before they get a match.

I wish everyone luck. We are just approaching our panel meeting in October and it has been a well organised an pleasant experience. Don't be put off by stories of being asked really inappropriate things we certainly havn't.

Spring


----------



## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hi spring

i wondered if i could ask you a quick question? with regard to the child experience - what would entail 'experience'?

Dh has 2 kids from his first marriage - who live down south (we are in scotland) and we have them to stay at our home about 4 times a year. would that suffice??

thanks for your help.

hope everyone else is well. xxx


----------



## jilldill (Feb 2, 2006)

Hi Camly,
Sounds like great experience to me,
Love JD x


----------



## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Camly
The experience will certainly be looked on favourably, we have our nieces, nephews and god children to stay regularly, but what our LA wanted was extra experience relating to meeting children you have no attachment to.  I help at Brownies & rainbows and also with my friend's childminding kids, DH helps with Beavers.

If you have friends with children do some babysitting.  We couldn't do anything during the day as we currently work full time.
Good luck, the only bit we find 'annoying' is the waiting, the rest has been better than we thought it would be.
Love
OT x


----------



## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hiya OT

Thanks for your message. Certainly gives us something to think about.

Ta again.


----------



## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

thanks JD


----------



## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Good luck with your process everyone.

I'm afraid frustration will be a normal feeling, authorities are often not noted for things like working to a timetable you recognise.  Don't be afraid to push them if you feel things are going to slowly, the worse they can say is you will have to wait a bit longer.

I was somebody who spent 9 years ttc (although we never told the SWs we still don't use contraception so you could argue we are still ttc, but after 9 years and me being 44 that ain't gonna happen  ), but have now been an adoptive Mummy for nearly 3 years and have enjoyed it so much I went through the process again last year.  

After all this time I can honestly say (even including the bad days and as a parent there are always bad days  ) it will be worth the wait.

love
Cindy

PS the only experience we had was the occasional babysitting of sisters' kids


----------



## EML (Jul 25, 2005)

Dear All
We are finding the waiting a bit frustrating, but are filling our time with hard work and holidays. We are being held up because of our lack of childcare experience (we are a hairs-width away from panel), but babysitting isn't enough. We've been asked to 'evidence' our childcare experiences and it has proved difficult. Friends with children just want the free babysitting service and our offer of help at the local school hit a brick wall (email after email acknowledged but taken no further). One of the lovely ladies on here suggested we go to the Beavers and we've had a reply from our local scout leader. We are waiting to hear from our local group.
My conclusion is (and I'm sure you are all the same) that we've waiting for over 10 years for this family, we can wait a bit longer...
Love and best wishes to all
EML


----------



## Angelbabywood (May 11, 2005)

It really gets my back up that we have to have experience with children.  What about all the teenagers having babies that have never had experience.

Is it enough experience that I've been around babies since I was 11 with nieces and nephews and had big inputs in their lives.

How can w possibly join a scouts or brownies group when, when we eventually get a child we will have to give it up as we'd be kept buy caring for our child(ren).  

Just think they expect too much.


----------



## Viva (May 16, 2005)

Angelbabywood, 
Don't get disheartened you will probably find that the experience that you have is enough, it's all in how you package it. We asked lots of our friends with children to write us informal 'references' saying what we were like with children and if some of your neices and nephews are old enough (which it sounds like they will be) maybe ask them to write down what it is they like about seeing you. Also have a think in advance of discussing this with your SW, think about all aspects of your experience from practical stuff, feeding ets to how you communicate with the children. 
I'm sure you'll be fine!
Viva
XXX


----------



## carol d (May 1, 2007)

Hi Sorry to gatecrash your thread but was wondering if you could help me with a few questions/worries I have??

First a brief history of me (sorry) Been married before for 8 yrs was with ex hubby for 13 yrs all together 
not a great relationship (hubby alcoholic) thats where my first worry lies - I never told my parents what happened in the marriage (drink/violence) wanted to protect them   also abit embarassed never have really told anyone come to that not even my lovely DH now - would they have to speak to him?? Do I have to tell everyone about it??

At the moment we are taking time out as had our last ivf only a month ago and will start in the new year looking into adoption but really don't want to go back into my history as really very painful.
We told my parents it was a mutual agreement for the split/divorce but bad blood has come out since then (5 yrs ago) and really feel uncomfortable speaking to ex again.. 

Do you think I should forget adoption

carol xx


----------



## shivster (Jan 17, 2007)

Good Luck to all starting out - hang in there. 

Ask loads of questions! All the way through!

   x


----------



## Freddie2 (Feb 1, 2007)

Hello Carol

I have a similar background to you with an ex who liked to drink too much.

As part of the Home study you have about 6-8 visits and one of those is a 1 to 1 with just you and your social worker.  That's when she asked me about my ex and I was very honest with her.  She was very sympathetic, wrote it down and has never brought it up again.  I imagine it will appear on my form F but only you and your husband will see that (and the panel of course).

Our SW doesn't want to see or speak to my ex which is just as well as I have no idea where he is.

So I really wouldn't worry, and plse don't let this put you off. I'd just be very honest with your SW when the time comes and I'm sure he or she will handle it sensitively.  I do understand how you feel but you mustn't let this hold you back if adoption is the route you want to go and it's nothing for you to be ashamed or embarrassed about at all.  Everyone handles things in their own way and it sounds to me like you have handled things v well - and it's all in the past now anyway.

I'm sorry to hear about the recent IVF and wishing you all the very, very best whatever you decide

take care 
xxxx


----------



## carol d (May 1, 2007)

Thanks Freddie2 thats taken alot of worry off my shoulders.

Taking time out now but come 2008 we will be starting the long road to adoption, strange but it's comforting to have something to work for  

Packing for hols right now (1st time away since IVF failure) so me and DH will be having some quality heart to hearts with no interuptions 

All the very best in your adoption process whatever stage you're at 

carol xxx


----------



## Freddie2 (Feb 1, 2007)

Glad it helped.

We had IVF BFN in June 2006 and started the adoption process in Feb 2007.  Had lots of holiday/weekends away in the meantime, and did lots of talking, reading and research.  Amazing how quickly the time flies!  We're now probably about 3/4 through our HS - due to go to panel in November.  Process has been fine so far - actually quite enjoying it!  
  
But anyway, have a lovely holiday, and make sure you have lots of pampering!
Fx


----------



## Mrs Midge (Jul 19, 2007)

Hi everyone, long time no hear. Me and hubby have had 2 sesions with our social worker who asked lots of questions and we are now waiting to see if we are going to be invited to apply and go on training course in Jan. We should hear before end of month and are both very nervous. How are the rest of you any news. Lots of love Mrs Midge xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## KTP71 (Oct 30, 2007)

Hi all,

NickyB71 we're at about the same stage.  Bit of history about us, DH and I have been married 11 years ttc for the last 6 years, initially thought we had unexplained infertility and had 4 icsi cycles, 2 bfn and 2 bio chemicals, we then moved clinics and after another bfn we had further tests and discovered we had immune problems we have had 2 further goes with all the extra immune drugs and yet again had bio chemicals, consultant kept telling us we should have another go as it was simply a bit of tweaking of the drugs that was needed but we have both had enough of ivf and really strongly felt that adoption was the right course for us to take.

We are currently talking to 2 local authorities, we have now been accepted onto the prep course for one agency (my 2nd choice agency) which will take place in Feb or April and are meeting up with my preferred agency next fRiday- am really looking forward to it as at the information evening both DH and I just felt so much more at ease with the social workers.  Both agencies run the prep courses jointly and as our preferred agency had a much smaller catchment area we are really hoping they can def fit us in for the Feb course as I really dont want to wait until April - I know there will be a lot more waiting to come but I am just eager to get going!!

Can I ask you girls a question please, are any of you doing any extra child care voluntary work?  I would like to try to help out at a local school or nursery but not sure what to say when I speak to them- do you tell them you are going through the adoption process or at this stage do you keep it vague?


----------

