# anti-depressants a bar to adoption?



## FS (Jan 2, 2008)

Hi,


After years of IVF which we finally gave up on in 2009, my husband and I have been considering adoption.  Today I phoned a London Local Authority adoption service to register our interest.  Before I could be sent an adoption information pack, I was told I'd have to answer a number of questions, which I did.  The final question was "are either you or your husband on any medication, such as anti-depressants?"  My husband has been on a low dose of anti-depressants for years (and this is not related to our fertility treatments, although I expect the antidepressants were very helpful to him over the most difficult of them).  He's not insane or unstable, and his depression is not serious (hence the low dose).  But as soon as I divulged the fact that my husband was on this medication, I was told that we would not be eligible to adopt.  I was told that only if my husband was off his medication for over a year might we be considered for adoption.  
I can't believe it.  We would make good parents.  We're kind, decent, sane, have our own home and secure jobs, and we want children (unlike many people who actually have children). I am 45, and I do not want to wait another year before I will even be considered for what appears to be a really long process anyway.  Does anyone know whether what I've been told is set in stone?  I've tried to do searches on the internet to see if there are official government/agency rules about antidepressants and adoption, but I haven't been able to find a thing.


FS


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## mmmbop (Jun 30, 2003)

Hi Fs,
in my case I'm afraid to say yes,in answer to your question,and have had the same thoughts on it as you.Being on them did not hinder my life or stop me from doing anything.It would be good if they could asses him on a individual basis,rather than a sweeping generalisation,that anyone on AD's can't be put through,it does seem a bit disciminating,when you are told no because of this reason.I assume they must have  done research with regard to potential adopters on  AD'S.and the childs wellbeing is crucial,and especially so if they come from a background with mental health issues. I too am 45 and can empathise with your desire to get going,we have been trying to get on the adoption ladder for four years!!!
I/and social worker discussed that some people are on low doses for years/life
,tho she did not indicate how that would be handled.
I was told that they need to be sure that I would be able to cope with the adoption process,and I suppose show I am not vulnerable,and be able to cope with a new member of the family who will more than likely be challenging while not on them,
I have been off mine for approx 4mths now,and am waiting to hear if we will be accepted to start.
Can you approach the agency again asking for more info,can you approach another agency,could your husband be able to come off them?
Don't give up, I hope someone will be able to give you some good advice,and I am sending you some big hugs to help you on your way.
love Bops x
 
sorry to waffle,x


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## FS (Jan 2, 2008)

Hello Bops,


Thanks for replying.  Hm, so it's true then.


I've been thinking of all the permutations that make this particular policy unfair.  First, my husband and I have been through so much over the past few years with everything that IVF could and did throw at us, but we're still standing.  If the adoption people are looking for resilience, my husband and I are about the best example of it that I can find.  I don't doubt that adoption is stressful and invasive; but so is IVF, and so is losing a baby.  There are plenty of adopters out there who have not had to, and possibly never would have been able to, cope with the levels of stress that we have had to cope with.  Secondly, my husband is on anti-depressants, but I am not, and I never have been.  So the suggestion is that if I rid myself of my burdensome husband, I'd be approved for adoption.  It seems that the adoption agencies would prefer me to divorce my husband, be a single mother with less than half our current joint income, downgrade from a 3-bed house to a 1-bed flat, AND live without the love and affection of a perfectly lovely man who happens to be on a low dose of a pill that millions of people around the world (including those with children) are on.  Just hearing this news is making me wonder whether to have another go at IVF!


Good luck with your application.  I really hope you succeed.  Very best wishes, and thanks again.  FS


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

FS 

So sorry to read this.

I do not have direct experience of being on anti-depressants myself.

However, I understand that severe mental health issues (Bipolar, Schizophrenia etc) would be a large stumbling block to adopting but more general depression is not treated the same, and of course is NOT the same. i have never known it to be an immediate 'show stopper'....

I am quite sure that many people who come to adoption have endured years of stress due to infertility so I would suspect it is pretty common. Perhaps they are a bit more concerned when it is a more long term issue, I don't know 

I would suggest that you contact the Adoption UK help line, it is run by Adopters for adopters and I believe they give pretty good advice. The website address is www.adoptionuk.org.uk.

I hope you can continue  good luck.
DE
/links


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi
Sorry to hear the first agency has given you such a negative feeling   
Maybe the fact your DH is on AD's (even at the lowest dose) because of something other than your ivf journey is what bothers them?  I don't know for sure but I would guess a lot of adopters have been through similar fertility tx and stress as you have, I know my 9 years/10 tx, MC and immune tx to be then told DH's sperm should never have been used was very stressful.  I would also guess there have been many who have been on ADs and then adopted BUT would have been off the pills first.
If I was you, I'd be looking at doing the following :-
getting DH off the pills if possible and if not an option request the chance of an early medical assessment from the agency.
phone round other agencies and find out what they have to say.
I didn't find the actual approval process stressful but some people do.  The waiting after approval is hard but you have to keep busy.  Introductions is stressful and more so when you have FCs who find it hard to let go.  Parenting an adopted child and all that comes with it can be very stressful at times, they all come with their challenges, some worse than others, but it is not the same as parenting a birth child and post adoption depression is very common.
I'm sure if you asked on Adoption UK boards there would be people who have much more experience of ADs and adoption though there are also some pretty negative stories on there so be prepared   
OT x


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## yola (Aug 18, 2010)

blimey we are meant to be going to a intro meeting on the 15th November... I have been on Fluoxetine lowest dose for the last 3 yrs off and on... I mananged to come off them  for 8 mths but after last failed IVF felt i needed to go back on them .... Like yourself me and hubby have a nice home and a lot to offer. I hope we are not going to get turned down ...... God im worried about this now .....  The ivf clinics dont refuse to treat you if you are on AD, also whats to stop someone adopting and then needing antidepressants later on.... Its ridiculous.... 

please dont tell me that not only can my husband not have a child because my ovaries have prematurely aged but now ill have to tell him we cant adopt because of my medication ..... Ive only been back on them  5 weeks should i come off them......


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## mmmbop (Jun 30, 2003)

Hi Y
Phone the agency and find out their policy on this,but  if you need them don't come of them until you are ready.
,or go to  the meet and chat with a social worker afterwards about how they view this particular situation,
big hugs,
Bops,x


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