# Gone past the point of being happy for anyone...



## Carrie88 (Aug 2, 2015)

Has anyone else felt like this? 

It's so frustrating that pgd isn't working for us when both of us are fertile, no known issues. We've had two failed transfers of good embryos and right now I just think it's not going to work. I'll be honest, I'm not happy for anyone whose pregnant at the moment which is a horrible and bitter thought but it's how I feel. 

Waiting for a hysteroscopy and I'm going private for immune testing...least then ill know if there's a problem or it is just bad luck. 

I hate this feeling. It's like a permanent black cloud over my head


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## Angedelight (Aug 17, 2012)

Hi
I completely feel the same and am having pretty much daily meltdowns about it all. Thankfully being at work gives me respite. Yesterday's was triggered after a friend (not a close friend or anyone who lives near me but we have kept in touch via text) had her first IVF treatment work. I'm sad to admit it made me very bitter that theirs worked the first time and I'm at the point where I think it will never work for us. The consultant even recommended donor eggs at our follow up.
My husband tried to cheer me up by talking about our forthcoming holiday to one of my favourite places in the world in Cornwall- that triggered another meltdown as I spent my childhood around there and always thought I'd take my family there too. I guess I could take my dog but it's not quite the same!.
I guess the only advice I can offer you is be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up for those thoughts. You're not alone.
Xx


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## Carrie88 (Aug 2, 2015)

That's exactly how I feel. I've gone past being happy for people who get pregnant with IVF, especially women who have problems as I think why is it working for them and not us. It's a horrible and very bitter way of thinking and it's not me but that is what this process has made me feel. I think if our next embryo fails I probably should take up the counselling offer. 

Aww that's nice your hubby was trying to cheer you up but sad it brought back memories. I think it is important to do lots of nice things with your hubby to look forward too.

Thank you for your replying! I'm glad it's not just me that thinks like this, fingers crossed we have our baby soon!!


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## Caz15 (May 23, 2015)

Hi Carrie

Sorry, only just seen this but I feel exactly the same. Work is the only thing that keeps me sane but even that's no sanctuary now as one of my colleagues is pregnant. One of my closest friends is not far off giving birth for the third time (they started trying for their first over a year after us) and I feel so jealous and bitter about it, which makes me feel terrible as she's been so supportive and one of the few friends who has really made an effort not to allow me to turn myself into a complete hermit. 

But on my better days I console myself with the fact that my feelings are a perfectly natural reaction to what's going on, so I shouldn't beat myself up about it, as Mrs C says. Yesterday was not a good day though, I was teetering on the edge before an accident with a pot of yoghurt plunged me into despair. My DP mopped me up and took me out for a walk, which did wonders. I think we're planning to go for another one today. 

Best of luck and you're definitely not alone. 

Caz x


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## think+positive (Apr 15, 2016)

Hi,

I know exactly how you feel. I'm the same. its comforting to know others out there Feel likewise. I hate to think of myself as a bitter person but it's just how I feel when I hear a friend is pregnant or I see pregnant people. 

I went back to Uni late so a lot of my friends are younger than me. For a while it was nice because whilst all my school friends now have children at least my Uni friends were child free and having fun. However, now they are also getting married and having kids, which in a way is worse because they always looked to me as the older experienced one and now I feel like I'm being left behind by them also. 

One of my best friends who has suffered from endometriosis since she was 20 and had a poor chance of conceiving just got pregnant after only 4 months of trying which really felt like a kick in the stomach. I was even bitter that for ten years we've been tip toeing around any chat of Babies with her and I should be over the moon for her as she never thought it would happen. 

The only comfort is to know that we're not alone in these feelings and to hold onto the hope that it will happen for us soon

Xxx


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## Missmetal (May 31, 2016)

I can totally relate! All my friends are having their second and third child now. I made the mistake of going on ******** yesterday and my friend has a picture posted of her with 4 other pregnant woman!!! I never should have gone on ******** it just destroys me inside. When will it be my turn? I wish I could get rid of these feelings of jealousy and bitterness. I do not even spend time with my pregnant friends anymore and it is really hard because I haven't lived in our current location for long. Feel so isolated and alone. It seems like this pain will never end.  

I wish none of us had to feel this way or go through this. Hoping things turn around soon for us all.


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## June2015 (Jun 20, 2015)

Late to the party with this one, but totally get what you mean.  

Today there was yet another pregnancy announcement from my friends on social media....all recent pregnancy announcements in my friends group have all been for ladies late 30s, early 40s, all natural blar, blar, blar!! 

I am happy for them really, but it just highlights how crappy it is that it's so hard for me to be in their position. I keep telling myself, one day....soon   xxx

Good luck ladies x


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## Carrie88 (Aug 2, 2015)

Don't worry you're not too late.....I still feel exactly the same ha! 

Pregnancy announcements still feel like a knife in the stomach and I'm still not happy, I'm quite bitter. 

I hope it's our day soon xxx


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## June2015 (Jun 20, 2015)

Yes, wishing you all luck xx

Love J


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## HighTower (Jan 11, 2012)

Yep, can definitely relate to how you're all feeling. Every pregnancy announcement is a kick in the stomach. If it's any consolation I have got better - I once burst into floods of tears in a restaurant when my DH told me friends of ours were expecting no. 2 (me thinking "no, we can't even have no. 1 and you're younger than us so wait your turn!"). I can now sit through pregnancy storylines on tv without crying...most of the time. My annus horribilus was 2 years ago in my previous job when I sat opposite 2 girls both expecting their first baby and I had to listen to every minute detail, every baby movement. It was awful, yet I had to smile and be happy for them - then I would have to take myself down to the loo for a cry. I still struggle at family gatherings with the in laws when I'm surrounded by my wonderfully fertile SILs and I feel like the barren one who gets the pity vote.

It is horrible - and only us who are on this stupid, unfair infertility journey can understand the impact it has. I know I have cut myself off from peers with children - I just don't know how else to manage it. It's not healthy I know and I miss having girlfriends. I also steer clear of ******** for fear of seeing pg announcements or happy family pics - I know what my triggers are.

Sending hugs to you all xo


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