# Looking to Start or Going Through Adoption Part 8 2005



## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

New home girls 

* Post matching *

*Karen *: Approved at panel on 22nd April 2004. First little girl moved in on 8/11/04, second little girl moved in on 9/12/04

*Bex *(Bex32): Approved at panel in April 2004. Little boy moved in on 8/11/04. Sister moved in on 8/4/05

*Ann*: Approved at panel on 4th November 2004. Matched to two girls, who moved in in January 2005.

*Cindy*: Approved at panel on 27th October 2004. Matched to a little boy who moved in Feb 2005. Legally adopted 21st July 2005.

*Everhopeful*: Approved at panel in 17th Feb 2005, little girl moved in on 23/05/05

*Mandy* (MSW): Approved at panel on 3/3/2005, little boy moved in on 10/06/05.

* Superal* Adopted 3 year old boy 8 years ago and a 9mth old baby girl 4 years ago


* Post Panel/Awaiting Match *

*Caroline W*: Approved at panel in September, now awaiting a suitable match.

*Nat* (Crazy): Approved at panel in March 2005, now awaiting suitable match.

*Ruth*: Approved at panel on 2/6/2005, now awaiting suitable match

* LB *: Approved at panel on 15/6/05 now awaiting suitable match. Possible match to two little girls.



 * Waiting for Panel Date/Panel Result *

*Morgana*: Going to panel November 2005

*Ang* (Molly 2003): Going to panel August 2005



* Home Study/Prep Course *

*Kylie* (Boomerang Girl): Allocated SW, now on home study

*Homer & Marge*: Prep course September 2004.

*Nicola *(NickyDuncanFinn): Prep course Feb 2005

*Nicky*: Currently doing assessment

*Shannis*: Prep course starts 2/9/04

*Donnalee*: Home assessment started. Panel date of 7/7/05 given

* Caron * Finished prep course, awaiting allocation of Sw to start home study

* Georgia * Prep course starts 2/2/05

*Tracey H*: Currently doing home study

* JenniferF* Prep course complete. Awaiting allocation of SW to start Home study. Just changed LA things progressing quicker now.

*Pam (saphy75) * Currently doing home study

* Paddy * *Adopting from RUSSIA * SW visit completed and course starts 3/12/04

* Barbarella * Prep course completed June 2005, allocated SW to start home study

* Val 12 * Prep course complete now on home study

* Jude2 * Currently on Home Study. Panel date of September 2005 given.

* Danielle * Initial visit done, waiting for prep course dates

* Magenta * initial visit 21/2/05, prep course August 2005

* HelenB * Currently doing home study. Panel October 2005

* HHH * Prep course done June 2005

* Shelly* prep course complete now on home study

* Fiona * *Adopting from RUSSIA*



* Initial Stages *

* Laine * Home visit 1st August 2005

* Lauren * Home visit 4th August 2005

* (Gill) gillywilly * meeting LA on 10/5/05

*Nerys (lochness)* Attending Foster Care Open evening on 27/01/05

* Nic (Hopingforbaby) * Currently considering the adoption option

* Flymypretties * Initial visit March 2005

* Natasha * Intro evening 11th Jan 2005

* michelledawn* Open evening w/c 14/3/05

* Tracey-new* Open evening w/c 14/3/05

* jainey* About to start the journey

* keli haslem * Been to an open evening


Please let me know if I have anything wrong!

Karen x


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Thanks for doing the updated list Karen - it is a long one    We have got our medicals on the 2nd of August    Hope all goes well - no reason it won't but there is always the worry isn't there.


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## Pooh bears mummy (Jul 11, 2004)

Well done Karen 

WOW our happy band is growing!! .

My little cherub is currently asleep, so i am getting 5min peace, should be doing the house work but much prefer to catch up on all the news with my BB buddies.   .

Bouncy castle arrived yesterday, so must get party planning into action. Only a few more weeks to go .

TTFN Mandyxx


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## TraceyH (Apr 14, 2004)

Wow, thanks Karen, the list just seems to get longer.

The update on our adoption route is that we have had 3 meetings with the FPO, another 2 to go and then she will come back on 23 September with the typed up report for us to see and sign.  We have had our medicals and the referees have just been interviewed.  It has not been too bad so far, except for a minor hitch during our second visit which has all be cleared up now.  We are going to panel on 23 November.  It is getting quite exciting now, we can't believe that shortly, hopefully, we will have our own family.  We took my friends 2 children and their friend out today whilst she was being interviewed by the FPO as our referee and it really struck home that we could be doing that with our own child early next year. When we get through panel we will start sorting out the spare bedroom and looking at buggies etc, have tried not to so far but it has been tempting.

Good luck to everyone else.

Tracey


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

hiya 

thanks for the update Karen, the list looks great

we are getting near to the end of our home study now   all our references are done just our meds and a couple of more visits from our sw, hopefully we will go to panel in october or november depending how long it takes for our sw to type up our form F   (she is getting maried in august and has 3 weeks off )

happy party planning Mandy  

Jennifer good luck for the 2nd   although i'm sure it will go fine, i have got mine booked for the 11th so i will be watching with great interest to see how it goes  

Tracey, looks like you will be going to panel around the same time as us   good luck

 to everyone

pam xx


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

hey tracey H, yours sounds very similar to ours in terms of stages- we are apparently loking at panel for the 28th? november. sw offon hold for threeweeks, then writing up form f and seeing refs, just waiting for our crbs and my medical update to go through clear then all will be okay.
excited now,but still nervous until all the checks done.

saving as much as possible, as me giving up work means us losing 36 grand a year. oops. wish we had startedsaving earlier now!.. although they are considering adoption allowance as a possibility for us- it obviously depends on the sibling match though.

we are off to a greek island for two weeks on tuesday- hopefully our last relaxing holiday as a couple, and good timing as it is when our sw is away too. we have been told to take our pic for the form f while we are out there.any tips anyone? other than keep our tops on,don't wear sunnies and leave the ouzo and sangria out of the picture!! 

did you guys go for face only or whole body shot for your form f photo?


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

Hi,

well I have no news really....just thought I'd leave a msg though in case you all forget me!! We're off on hols next week, and I have a conference straight after, so probably won't get on here for nearly a month. Good luck to everyone going to panel in august!

I did have one very intetesting conversation relating to adoption though. It was with a friend or a friend who works for norcap and knows a lot about adoption in our LA area. She was basically saying that here they will do their best to try and make us wait a year to see if any suitable kids come up. Even though we're entitled to go nationwide from september (3 months post-panel).  

I'm not overly worried though cos I can be a real stroppy cow if peoiple are being unreasonable and try to stop me getting what I want! Maybe stroppy is the wrong word....."determined" is maybe better??  

basically as soon as I get back from my brothers wedding in september I'll be burning the BMP hotline like there's no tomorrow!

that's all really....better get back to work,
XRuth.


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## Val 12 (Oct 26, 2004)

Hi girls,

wow everything seems to be moving really fast   

Pam you are around about the same level as we are. We are hoping to go to panel in September. SW has done most of our home visits. Even my ex was complimentary (don't know how that happened !!).

Dh has his medical next week but I don't know when i'll have mine. The receptionist at the surgery wasn't very helpful and said there's a long wait for medicals and i'll just have to take my turn. I explained that i'm hoping to go to panel soon but that still didn't sway her either    she said it would probably be in the next couple of weeks.
I wouldn't care but my GP who has adopted himself was really helpful when I last saw him and said he'd be only too happy to help.

Anyway better go and start my huge pile of ironing, just got back from a few days away,

Val x


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Everyone,

Val - Good luck with the medicals.  You will soon be at panel.

Ruth - Hope you don't have to wait too long to be matched.  Have a good holiday.

Boomerang Girl - I know what you mean about giving up a good salary; I did exactly that.  You learn to live by your means however and saving is a good idea.  Enjoy your holiday too.

Pam & Tracey  - Glad things are moving along nicely for you.

Jenny - Hope everything goes well with the medicals on the 2nd.

Mandy - Oooo bouncy castles - how exciting!

Karen - Thanks for updating the list.  I can't believe my name is on there.

Hi to everyone else.

Well, I have been busy, busy cleaning and getting the house in order for our initial visit on Monday.  Dh thinks I am over doing it and commented "Anyone would think the Queen is coming".  I know you all probably did the same and that the sw will not even look around but hey at least my house will be tidy eh?

Getting really excited and have butterfly's as I type this.  Just keeping positive that everything will go ok on the day.  Oh and I'm sure the nerves will kick in on Monday morning.

Laine x


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Both of our referees have contacted us to say that they have sent their forms back.  Got the medical on Tuesday.  Been steadily losing weight in anticipation of the medical and have lost 8lbs in 6 weeks. Am still a lot overweight but at least it shows willing to my GP when he mentions my weight.

Laine - just wanted to say good luck for Monday.  I cleaned as well as I wanted to feel that the house was perfect as at our first visit it included a home check to make sure that we had a decent garden and a spare room as we had said.  All went well with us and I am sure all will go well with you.  Good luck.

Boomerangirl - enjoy that holiday.  We went to Rhodes for our honeymoon and it was lovely.

Val - hope dh's medical goes well and that you get your turn soon.

All the best to everyone.

Jenny


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Everyone,

The visit went really well.  They stayed for 1 and ¾ hours and made us feel really relaxed.  They answered all our questions and we found it easy to be honest and open with them too.  We were asked several questions including, what our families were made up of, why we want to adopt, the age ranges and types of children we would be interested in adopting; if we had any police records or medical problems.

Due to my past health issues, I have been asked to have an early medical with my GP before we proceed any further.  We were advised that in their opinion there should not be a problem for us.  However, this is dependent on their medical adviser giving us the ok once they have received my medical report from my GP.  

I asked when they were going to write to my GP and it will be Thursday.  I will also get a copy of the letter.  I have an appt booked with my GP for the 12th, so will be ringing to find out if I can have my medical then!

So all in all I am feeling positive!  

Jenny - Good Luck tomorrow x

Laine x


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## Jo (Mar 22, 2002)

Fantastic news Laine  
I am sure everything will be fine 

Lots of love Jo
x x x


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Laine

great news and so much better if you have someone who you can feel you can talk to.  Hope you don't have long to wait for your medical.

Love
Karen x


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## *Kim* (May 5, 2002)

Brilliant news Laine have everything crossed for you.

Love Kimx  x x


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

Well done Laine  

Fingers crossed you can have your medical done at the appointment you have, and then I am sure it will be all systems go for you   

Love

Jayne x


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## Pilchardcat (Feb 1, 2003)

Yahoooo Well done Laine 

First hurdle over....home run now 

Good luck with the medical 

Amanda xx


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## Dee (Jan 27, 2003)

Great news, Laine
Hope you can get everything sorted on the 12th - you'll be fine
Love
Dee
xxx


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## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

Hi Laine

Great news that it went so well.  It's really important to feel comfortable with whoever is assigned to you.

good luck with the medical

T x


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## Lois (Nov 7, 2003)

Well done Laine & good luck with completing your journey.

Loisxxx


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Hooray Laine,so pleased for you.

Im sure your medicals will be absolutly fine.  

You really are on your way now

Lots of love

Lou xxx


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## LizzyB (Mar 25, 2003)

So pleased it went well Laine 

You're on your way hun 

Much love, Lizzy xxx


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Great news Laine - pleased the visit went well.
hope you don't have to wait long for the medical.

you are on your way!

LB
X


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## Val 12 (Oct 26, 2004)

Great news Laine      I've just had a call from my surgery and i've got my medical next week !!!!!!

Now i'm just starting to worry that i'm healthy enough, i'm sure I am but you still worry don't you?

Let's hope evrything keeps going well, good luck for next week

Val x


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## Mel (Jan 1, 2002)

Fantastic news Laine  

Good luck to all you girls on here - your journeys are wonderful.

Lots of love

Mel
x x


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Good to hear that all went well Laine.    

Dh and I have our medical at 4pm today so feeling a bit nervous at the moment.  Working up to peeing in a pot as you have to take in a urine sample  

All the best to everyone

Jenny


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for popping in girls and for all your support.  It means lots ot me.

Jenny - I expect you are having your medicals now...thinking of you x

Val - Glad you have a date for your medicals too. 

LB - How are you?

How is everyone else?

Laine x


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Folks

Well despite knowing that the schedules were ready to be filed with the courts by the LA, they didn't make it for the deadline of 18th July.  So its now been further extended to 8th August.  Once they have been sent we should find out when the court hearing will be.  Not much else going on here.  Eldest has regressed a little and we are trying hard to brng her behaviour back to where it was, its a lot of hard work but rewarding and frustrating all at the same time.

Jenny - good luck with your medicals today

Val - good luck for yours next week too.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Bye for now
Karen x


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the good wishes re the medicals for dh and me.  For those that have still got to have their medicals I have given a quick resume below.

The medical was very thorough and took 45 mins and cost £75 per person.   Lots of questions on the A4 6 page form and then lots of prodding and poking, including boobs for me and testicles for dh.    Urine tested for diabetes, sugar, protein etc.  Joints all manipulated and tested for strength, heart and lungs tested, eyes tested, ears and mouth looked into, blood pressure taken, height and weight taken, pulse checked, family medical history checked and more besides that I have forgotten - phew    Didn't expect it to be quite so in-depth.  But we passed ok.  The only thing that the GP said that could possibly hold us back was my weight as I am classed as obese   but as I am perfectly well and healthy,    he hoped it wouldn't be an issue.  The form is now sent to the LA's medical examiner to make the final decision on so now it is a case of wait and see.

Val - good luck with your medical next week.  

Karen - sorry to hear about the delay in getting the court date.  Sorry to hear about your little girl regressing as well.   Poor little mite.   Must be very frustrating for you and dh so hugs to you both as well.  

All the best to everyone.

Jenny


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

hi ladies

just looking for your advice/thoughts...

my BMP arrived today and there is a sibling group in there that have been in the last few issues, and (from what little they say int he profile) they look like a really goodd match to us. They are not from our LA area, but do you think its too early for us to make enquiries about them? Our 3 months are up in september. Do you think I should phone up?


XRuth.


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi everyone,

Karen - Let's hope the court date is finalised soon.  Sorry to hear about your little girl regressing. 

Jenny - Thanks for sharing your medical experience.  Wow what a lot!  I am sure you will be fine with your weight.  Hope you don't have to wait too long to hear.

Ruth - If it were me, I would go for it!  You have nothing to lose x

Hi to everyone else.

Laine x


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi Ruth, in my experience it is best not to wait for sw to get their act together on your behalf - it is better to chase them.  So I would start to make enquiries about these children as you are so close to September anyway and things take such a long time.  I would presume that when you speak to the waiting children's sw she will tell you if you are applying too early or not but at least you would have made yourselves known to her, ready for September when she could contact your sw.

All the best

Jenny


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Hi Everyone

Well we made it back from our weeks camping, we had a great time but it rained alot...never mind!
Oh and we also ended up in A&E after 2 days as my eldest nephew decided to do a body dive in play fight and hurt one of the twins...anyway its ended up that he fractured his wrist in 2 places!!..so the poor bugger didnt even get to swim in the sea with us..!

No news here really, have now been put on the consortium list and national register so maybe something will happen..we also have our 6 month review next month which will be nice because after all the mettings appointments and panel...there hasnt been any real contact. I drop the SW an e-mail every now and then so she knows we are here..  

Jenny - Crikey your medicals sound in depth...ours was no more than 10 minutes. I had a BMI of 32 when I had the medical and they did bring it up at the panel about me being overweight....I felt a bit awful to tell you the truth as I am fit and active and run about all the time, I just shift much weight since I stopped smoking..anyway the SW made sure she put them straight.....its sad in a way as i doesnt make us bad parents!..
Glad to see everything is moving tho.

Karen - Sorry about the court date, but I really cant believe they have been with you so long already..I bet it feels like they have always been there! Good luck with the eldest!

Laine - Sorry I missed all the excitement...and nerves   . Great to hear that everything went so well and things are now moving alon nicely for you..

Ruth - I agree with the others, they will soon tell youif its too early, but dont wait around for them, sometimes they miss things and its not worth the risk!..go for it !

Val - Good luck with your medical next week!....

Hi to everyone else I have missed off...this thread seems to be moving really fast now.!
So what ever stage, first meeting, home study, prep groups or waiting panel......good luck...


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi Crazy, sounds like you had an 'interesting' holiday    My BMI is 39    I am dieting so will just have to try harder.  I have been the weight I am for the last 15 years so it will be hard to shift but I am always on the go with a 4 year old son and a dog to walk.

Jenny


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## Ruthiebabe (Dec 15, 2003)

oh poo!

I phoned up but they've been matched up already.....were in this months BMP by accident!

XRuth.


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Jenny

I wouldnt worry too much, my SW did say that they would pick a hole if they could and that one it!!....
The main thing is, as you say you are healthy and active with your young man, and that speaks more than what the scales do!

Im positive all will be well!!..

Natsxxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Girls

Had a good day with my Sw today and we now have sticker charts for the eldest for her eating which is the main part of her behaviour that has deteriorated.  We think its linked to her being up and awake when we had our review meeting last week and sparking off fears of her moving again.  I have a real hang up with food and so I have a sticker chart too!!

Ruth - sorry to hear those children have gone.  One word of warning, my SW told me that they put very sketchy information in BMP and it is normally the hard to place children who get put in there.  We applied/made enquiries for a couple of sibling groups after we were approved and never got anywhere.  The right pair will come along soon enough. 

Jenny - Glad the medicals went well.  Don't worry about the weight thing.  My dh was picked up at panel by the medical advisor for his BMI (35).  We had our medicals just after Xmas and so his weight showed the excesses of the festive season.  He was also able to say he'd lost a stone and once the medical advisor saw his build he was ok.  BMI does not take into account your build.  I fortunately escaped as I had lost 2.5 stone the year previous and had reduced my BMI from 33 to 28. Like Nats we were warned they would pick up on it and that he would probably say something!

Nat - Sounds like an evetnful holiday.  bet your glad you went to panel before that happened  !!!!  Hope you get to find a match soon.

To everyone else.  Hope you are progressing well towards your dreams of parenthood.

Love
Karen x


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

hello all
can i dip my toe in here please? feel quite nervous posting on here as it makes it seem soooo real now.
i have been a lurker for a while, knowing that we wouldnt be having more txt but unsure of what we wanted to do next, and also needing to get back to 'normal' life for a bit, which we have  had a big chat with dh last week and we have decided that the adoption route is the way for us, well at least to look very seriously at it. dh has some reservations but i guess it'll all get dealt with at the prep courses....i have been quietly researching and reading for a while so i am a bit further along the road than him. from here on tho we step side by side and learn as we go along. my entire working life has been children and i cant see a way forward without them, at the moment i work as part of a community nursing team and help look after 2 children with tracheostomies who are cared for at home. it has opened my eyes to the world of disabilities and special needs with the result being that i would be open to the idea of possibly adopting a child with a health issue....we'll have to wait and see what the future brings us
at the moment i am thoroughly confused as to what to do first - and whether LA is the way forward. its such an important step i want to get it right. can you have chats with LA and other agencies and have them visit you before you decide who you're going with?

anyway looking forwad to getting to know you all  is anyone here going to the adult meet in sept?

kj x


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi Kj and welcome to you. My dh also has poor morphology and like you we have tried everything to alter that with organic diet and vitamins to fertility treatment.

To answer your question, yes you can chat to different LAs before making up your mind who to go with but as you have to wait for an appointment with each LA this can lead to a few weeks delay before you get going. I know that once dh and I had made up our minds to adopt we wanted to get going asap. LAs prefer you to live in their borough but will consider you if you are in a neighbouring authority as well. It is no use living in say Newcastle and hoping to join a Devon LA for example so you have to be sensible who you approach. I believe you can also ring up various LAs for a chat to someone in family placement (that is what the adoption section is called) and ask for brochures.

As well as this site, a wealth of information on adoption can be found on

http://www.adoptionuk.org/default.asp
http://www.baaf.org.uk/agency_db/noflash_textonly/frameset_noflash.htm
http://www.dfes.gov.uk/adoption/
http://www.child.org.uk/html/malta.php/articles/25/
http://www.baaf.org.uk/
http://www.billsimpson.com/
http://www.adoption.org.uk/information/page1.htm

If you say you want to adopt a handicapped child I am sure you will be snapped up and rushed through the system as sadly so many of these children are waiting to be adopted.

All the best to you

Jenny


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

*Hello to kj and a very warm welcome to you!*We're all here to lend an ear whenever you may need one, and we'll answer any questions for you.

Good luck x

 Evening everyone else!

Nothing much to report from our end at the moment, we're looking forward (or not) to the end of this month, when we've got our one-off meeting with birth parent. Dreading it, and wanting it out of the way!!
Feel it's something we can do for our baby for when she's older. 
It's bound to be an emotional day one way or another, but once's it's done, it's done.

And in the meantime, I can keep my mind occupied with planning this special birthday party!! Any ideas ladies, of what we can include in party bags for our young guests?! It';s been a long long time since I received a party bag!!
We've got 20 coming  all aged between 1 and 9 - so very varied!!

Hope everyone ok.

x


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## Val 12 (Oct 26, 2004)

Good evening ladies,

Ever:  my dd says that the pound shop (don't know if you have any near you) are where her friends' parents go for party bags because you can buy sweets and small toys. 

she had a sleepover for her last birthday, never again     seven 11yr olds putting make up on and arguing at 2am is not my idea of a party. 

She wants a limousine this year !!!!   So enjoy your dd's 2nd birthday because the parties get bigger and you have less control as they get older   

A bit of advice please girls, the SW wants to have a chat with dd just to see how she feels about us adopting etc but dd is scared and says she doesn't want to talk to her. Luckily our SW is lovely so will be very understanding. I've explained that she's really nice and just wants to know her feelings etc. but she wants me to be there with her (she's 11).

I have a friend who's a foster mother and dd has got to know a lot of the children who have been fostered so I think dd's impression of SW's is negative, as someone who puts children into care. Bless her, I think she's a bit worried that she'll say or do something wrong but i've tried to reassure her that the SW just wants to know that she's ok about us adopting. I've told her i'll be there with her but i'll probably nip out and make a cuppa or something so I can leave them alone for a bit. Dd is very sociable and once she meets the sw, i'm sure she'll be fine but i'm still a bit worried, I don't want to stress her out too much. 

Any thoughts would be appreciated, thanks girls

Val xx


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## Ann (Mar 21, 2002)

Hi,

I am the world's worst at keeping up on this thread - I read and have every intention then I get distracted   it is great to read how everyone is getting on.
We have just celebrated our youngest's first birthday today we had a party in the garden with a bouncy castle and a ball pool - she shared the day with our eldest who is 2 at the end of the month.  
Ever - we got one bigger thing for the party bag depending on the age of the child but we only had 12 children which made a difference! So the babies got a book and the older ones got a huge pot of non spill bubbles and 2 of the older girls got little sets of Hama beads all in all I think each one was £1.50 but I wanted something that they would use rather than discard tomorrow!! also the obligatory chocolates and sweets to make then hyper   It was such a special day and one that we will always remember our first time organising a party for our daughters.  
I have still got alot of tidying up to do but after a few glasses of wine it can now wait untill tomorrow! we are off to Canada on Monday for 3 weeks - we are really looking forward to the girls meeting lots of our friends and just spending time as a family - we go out once or twice a year normally and at long last we can take the girls to all of our favourite places it is going to mean so much - not so sure about the flight mind you that could be fun    how popular will we be getting on a plane with 2 under 2    my dh reckons it is a surefire way to make 300 enemies!!!!!!!!!!!! for once I dont care about reading a book or watching a film I am going to be so proud of my 2 little girls for AND I wont be jealous looking at other families at the airport - we will be one of them if that makes sense     
Well I could waffle on all night but my bed is calling me - i will try really hard to keep up once we get back - I think it will be easier once the weather turns yucky - I am spending too much time outdoors at the mo!

Lots of love to you all whatever stage you are at  
Ann xxx


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Ann - have a great time in Canada and good luck on the plane with the littlies    Glad to hear that the party went well.

Val - difficult one with your dd and the sw.  Perhaps have dd and sw in one room and you sit out in the hall with the door open so that dd feels safe?

Everhopeful - I did party bags for my ds who was 4.  He had 15 children coming aged 1-5.  In the party bags (as well as the toys listed below) I included an unblown up balloon, a party blower/tooter thing, piece of cake, freddie the frog chocolate bar and small bag of maltesers or white chocolate buttons for babies.  For the little girls I bought sparkley hairbands (cheap from Asda), for the older girls I bought plastic jewellery sets (cheap from supermarket - forget which one), for the younger boys I bought extra white chocolate buttons or bottle of bubbles (age depending), for the older boys I bought small matchbox cars (£1 each from Tesco).  The bags were happily received.

Karen - thanks for the advice re my weight.  Lost another lb today - lost 9lbs so far - only another 4 stone to go  

All the best to everyone.

Jenny


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Everyone,

Nats - Hope you get matched soon.

Ruth - Never mind, there is someone special waiting for you somewhere.

KJ - Hi and welcome.  We just went with our local La who so far have been excellent.

Jenny - Thanks for the BillSimpson link!  Well done on the weight loss, you will get there.

Ever - Hope the meeting with the birth parent goes o.k. BTW ToyRUs have great little party packs.

Val - Tough one wtih your dd.  No real advice to offer you sorry.

Ann - Have a fab time in Canada.

Laine x


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## charlie1 (Dec 13, 2004)

Hello everyone,
I am very, very new to this thread and am actually currently undergoing our 3rd cycle of IVF. Whilst my partner and I are ever hopeful that we will be successful with fertility treatment, we are also trying to prepare ourselves for every eventuality and have certainly not discounted the idea of adopting a child or children.

I have absolutely no clue as to the procedure other than what one picks up from media sources etc. My main concern is that my partner of five years and I are not married. Is this a pre-requisite for adoption? Sorry if it sounds like a daft question. 

I just want to make sure that we get the ball rolling if we do chose to adopt so that we don't waste any precious time. We both so long to be a mum and dad and if IVF doesn't work, then we'll doeverything we need to ASAP to become approved adoptive parents, be that for domestic or international adoption.
Where do we start
I would be so greatful for anyone elses guidance.

Love and best wishes

Charlie1 xxx


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Hi Girls

great to see everyone moving along the road nicely 
it is so exciting at the moment!

I have spent the second week of my holiday decorating - the bedrooms looks lovely now with  pink and lilac walls - new bed etc - just waiting for the children now!

panel is at the end of the month - can't wait!

LB
X


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Welcome Charlie1 - if you scroll to my reply to another newbie on 4/8/05 on page 4,  you will see a list of links that will give you lots of information on adoption.  You should get the replies to your questions there.  Good luck with the IVF.

Laine - yes it is a funny name - bill simpson but if you click on it you will see it is about adoption in the uk   I have also included a link from a site in malta (child.org) but it has a very relevant piece about emotions and adoption I feel - one that everyone should read in my opinion.

LB - well done on all that decorating  

All the best

Jenny


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Girls

Ann - have a lovely time in Canada, you won't be the first or the last to take small children on a long haul flight, so don't worry.  Glad to hear the brithday party went well and many happy returns to your girls for this month.

Charlie - welcome the links Jenny has directed you to are a great source of help.  It does not matter that you are not married, although most do prefer it it will not preclude you from going through the process.

LB - Good luck for panle, its lovely when you start to personalise your home for the new arrivals.  Just wait until all the toys have arrived!!

Things are slowly improving here, I just need to learn to chill out a bit more.  So having to lighten up!  Dh has taken eldest out this morning as youngest is not well (was going to take them both) and she's sat in her play pen while I colour my hair (much needed)

Take care all
Love
Karen x


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

hi all 

jennifer, thanks for all those links, have been ploughing my way thru them.....
i have phoned my local LA who i have to say were a bit negative, said really they mainly only have 3- 7yr olds, v unlikely to get under 3 (which is what we would prefer) tho more likely if you take a sibling group. you were right tho, could practically hear her ears prick up when i mentioned the poss of taking on a special needs/health prob child! basically tho she said we have to wait a year after failed fertility txt which i was a little disappointed by - kinda hoped it would be 6 months. our last txt was march/april so its a long wait
ho hum, have some telephoning to do next week

kj x


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Hi everyone, just come back from doing 10 lengths at the local pool to try and get some weight off.  Dh and I took it in turns to look after ds in his water wings while the other swam.

Karen - glad to hear that things are improving with eldest girl.  It helps if you can pinpoint a reason why she regressed - 'cos she heard sw talking to you.  Hope the hair turned out well.  I used to keep ds in his playpen - what a godsend they are if your child will stay in them.

kj - glad that my post was helpful.  Some LAs will accept 6 months delay after fertility treatment but most seem to say one year.  It is one year with my LA.  Personally I think any enforced delay is pointless as once your fertility treatment has not been successful and you have reached the end of the road moneywise or emotionally, then you only need a few months to work through your disappointment and you could be doing this while you are waiting to be seen by someone from your LA.  After all the adoption process is a very long one so there is plenty of time to sort out your emotions as you work through it.  Different if one day you finished treatment and then that weekend you went out and adopted a child - as if!!  That would be ludicrous and I could well see that you would need 'time out' to sort out your emotions beforehand.  Someone told me that LAs put the year wait after treatment clause in to sort out the wheat from the chaff ie to make sure that you are not the quitting type as they only want someone who is determined to adopt a child come hell or high water.  Don't know if this is true though but kinda makes sense. Just a thought - you can always spend that time researching on the net, reading adoption and child care books and making sure that adoption is truly for you and doing coupley things that will become difficult when you do have a child.  I should think when your year is up that you will be rushed through the system as you want a special needs child and have the experience to look after one.  Good luck any way.

Jenny


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

thanks jenny - i agree its a bit annoying to have to wait so long considering the length of the process. in my head i think i've been ready for almost a year anyway, we did our last 2 txts knowing they prob wouldnt work...but i cant prove any of that really!

is it poss to run a poll on this board or does it have to be done on the voting board? i would be interested to see the differences in what time everybody else had to wait?

just to put the record straight, we dont necessarily 'want' a special needs child, its just something we would be willing to look at, i would hate for us to be labelled by the agency that we were only looking for that type of child, i would still want to be considered for 'normal' children. we are still working thru the idea and whilst we like many would hope for a child as young as poss we realise thats not likely to happen easily. if it meant that we could, say, have an under 1 yr old i would consider special needs (and theres some things under that bracket that i wouldnt take on) that sounds really wierd as i type it....is it an odd thing to think - that in order to get a baby we'd take on a handicap of some sort? somebody please tell me if they think that an odd thought process.... i actually think we as a couple would be better at coping with a special need than a child who had been neglected or abused and the issues that come with that. in all of my past experiences i have been drawn to the children who need that little bit more but i'm worried by voicing these thoughts to the social workers or whoever that we wont get a look in on other children.... 

kj x


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Keemjay as it is an adoption specific question I'll start a poll on here for you.

Karen x


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Everyone,

Charlie 1 - Welcome to the thread.  Wishing you luck with your journey.

LB - You sound really excited.  Good luck with the panel.

Karen - Glad things are slowly improving for you.

Hello everyone else, hope you are all well?  

Just spoken to the sw who has sent my form and medical request to my GP today.  So next week will be booking the appt for my early medical. Just can't wait to get it out of the way, so we can really start our adoption journey.

BTW did any of you watch 'Lost' on C4 last night?

Laine x


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Laine, yes we watched Lost last night - bit like Jurassic Park I thought.  Good to hear that your sw is switched on and has gotten around to sending the forms through for your early medical.  It has been 9 days since our medical and we have heard nothing yet either way.  I will give it 2 weeks before I begin chasing.

Been up our local park today, along with my friend and her 3 children.  It was very busy so I am worn out.  Been nice to look after her twins though as they are only 22 months.

All the best 

Jenny


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Everyone,

Just to let you know, I have my medical Tuesday 16th August 2005.

Laine x


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Laine

That's great news, good luck hun

Karen x


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Good luck for your medical tommorrow Laine. 

as you probably know i had mine last week and worked myself up into a bit of a state before hand, just wanted to reassure you there is absolutely nothing to worry about all that happened was a my gp asked a few questions, measurements, BP & a quick examination. feel free to PM me if you need to ask anything 

pam xx


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Laine - good luck for the early medical.  Hopefully it will be a shorter process?  Will you have to have a full medical later or is this it and it is classed as the medical?  We are still waiting for our results officially and that is 2 weeks tomorrow.

All the best

Jenny


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Everyone,

Pam - Thanks for the advice. 

Jenny - No I won't need another medical later, this is the one for me!  I need to pass this to be able to proceed with the adoption process. When are you going to chase for your results?  

Hello everyone else, hope you are all o.k?

Laine x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi everyone!

Been of this sight for about 4 weeks as our computer was "poorly" & has only just been fixed! busy trying to catch up with loads of e-mails & find out whats been going on with everyone on this site.

Lots of new post  & am still busy trying to read them all.

Good luck Laine with your medical tomorrow _ I can remember ours like it was yesterday- My DH had to come in with me at the end as I was stressing out so much my blood pressure went sky high, they called DH in whilst they took it several more times & on the second, third & fourth time of checking it they said I was fine & my DH was obviously a calming influence on me!

Good luck to everyone else, sorry if I've missed if any of you have been matched to your children - I would love to read that some of you have.

BFN

Superal


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

Hi guys, mind if i join you?

we are booked to go on an information meeting in September and then go from there.

I have ordered the book Karen recommded to cant wait to start reading that and pick up any tips.

If anyone has any tips they can give me feel free to info me as all advice will be greatly appreciated.

We really feel that this is the way our life will now take and are really looking fwd to the road we are going to take.

I also post on the using donor sperm thread as i am trying to lose weight so may have one more go at DIUI depending on how we feel after the initial meeting.

Great to read all your stories - very positive and encouraging for anyone about to go down the adoption route.

xx


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

Hi everyone.

Well...one week tomorrow until our prep course.  I am getting excited but trying not to get my hope up too much.  I know I need to be sensible and that it is going to be a very long and slow journey but I can't help feeling soo happy that we are getitng there.  does anyone else know what i mean??

My dilemma is made worse by the fact that my dad is an adoption counsellor adn worked in Children adn Families social Work for over 20 years placing children.  he is really very 'down to earth/negative almost' about the whole thing - tryingt o keep me grounded and trying to tell it as it really is.

Anyway..today i am happy and excited so felt i wanted to post and let you all know that stage one of uopr journey is nearlyover ...stage two is just around the corner.

magenta x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi Magenta 

Keep staying positive, it is all worth it in the end & as you said this is one step closer to your dreams, thanks for sharing your thoughts with us today.

Superal

xx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Magenta

Me and my dh are total opposites, I am the optimist and he is the pessimist, between the two of us we managed to stay grounded when we needed to and excited when appropriate.  Your dad's only protecting you and its good to be a little grounded through the process, but no harm in getting excited  .

Good luck to you and your dh for your prep course.

Karen x


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi Everyone,

Superal - It is so annoying when your pooter is not well.  Glad you have it fixed and are back.

Alex - Welcome to the thread.  I am sure you will enjoy the information evening, we did!  The book Karen recommended is a good read.  Good luck with your new journey.  BTW not sure if you are aware but most la's/agencies like you to have finished infertility treatment six moths to a year before you start the adoption process.

Magenta - Nice to hear from you.  Our next step is the prep course, so I can imagine how you are feeling.  Let us know how you get on.

Hi to everyone else.

Had my medical this morning and everything is fine.  My GP is 100% behind us and said she would stay to make sure my form went back today, even though it was half day for her - what a star!  Going to wait a couple of weeks before chasing, but hope I won't need to!!

Laine x


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Laine

That's great news, wonderful when you have a supportive GP.  Hope she kept her word and stayed on for you.

Good luck
Karen x


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

laine - glad to hear that all went well.  Have been thinking of you.

magenta - not long until your preparation course then.  I guess your dad has seen it all before in his work so bound to make him a bit biased and negative about adoption.  Don't let him put you off.  His experiences aren't yours so this is still an exciting journey for you and things are bound to have changed in the 20 years he has worked in placing children.  At least he should be able to give you lots of pointers.

All the best to everyone

Jenny


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## Mummytoone (Mar 23, 2002)

Laine

That is great news, well done you  

Lots of love


Lou xxx


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

Laine

Thanks for that,  i was aware about the poss wait but we spoke to them in jan and then again a few weeks ago and explained that we had come to terms with DH azoospermia a few years ago and therefore were ready to proceed and she said fine and booked us on the info session.

They had our details already so it re-iterated that we were sure about taking this step.

The book has been despatched so looking fwd to some good reading over the weekend. 

Well done on your medical as well - great weight off your mind i bet?


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## Jayne (Jan 26, 2003)

Hi Laine 

So pleased to hear all went well with your medical today    

Good luck 

Jayne x


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## LizzyB (Mar 25, 2003)

Laine ~ really pleased your medical went so well, fab to have such a supportive GP too.

Loads of luck hun,

Much love, Lizzy xxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Girls I am fuming so apologies for my forthcoming rant!

We filed our papers with court to adopt the girls in May of this year and the Authority then had until 18th July to file their papers.  This date passed and they hadn't submitted them so were given an extension to the 8th August.  In the meantime we had some significant behavioural problems with the eldest which came at a time of huge stress for me and caught me at a low ebb and my normal coping strategies failed.  Things have turned around and (hoping not to tempt fate by saying this) have had a wonderful fortnight since.  

However during this time my ASW said that they were going to hold off for a little while on their papers to make sure everything was ok with me and the eldest.  I've had a letter from the court today saying there is a review meeting in court next Tuesday (typically I've swapped days and am now working Tuesday!) so I've rung SS to find out if I need to go and what its all about.  My ASW is on sick and my old SW who has since been promoted is on leave so I spoke to the kids SW.  She tells me that the delay requested was 3 months because they asked her to do the letter.  She thought they'd told us, but NO.  We interpreted the ASW's comment as a couple of weeks not months.

We are both absolutely fuming and really upset.  We couldn't wish to be a happier family and the blips just make us a stronger unit.  we so desparately want to get to court and formally make the girls ours.  I have had to swap work again as I need to go to court next week.  Rich isn't comng because he is so mad he would say something unintentional and it be misinterpreted so I am going alone.

Despite this blow today, having a ball with the kids in the sun and making loads of sandcastles and playing plastic golf on the lawn!  Eldest is potty training at her request and we've done her a sticker chart whcih is packed with smiley face stickers and (again hoping not to tempt fate)she's not had an accident yet.

Sorry for ranting.  Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Love
Karen x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Oh Karen............it sounds as though someone needs their back side kicking with regard to your delay in paper work to adopt your girls.......I'll offer to do it for you if you want, I've got fantastic PMT at the moment & it will be baby "S" 6th birthday tomorrow ......so emotions are all over the place at the moment. 

I don't know what else to say really but it will be worth it in the end, carry on doing a fantastic job of being a Mummy & its so nice to hear your 2 little girls are doing really well. 

My little angel is counting the day's down to her starting school, she will start on the Monday & turn 5 on the Wednesday, I'm a bit confused about it all, part of me knows she has got to go & it will do her a world of good & then the other part of me says my "baby" is no longer a baby!

I would love to adopt another as I have said before & I thought I'd had a break through where DH was concerned, he's always said no to another one.  The other night he came home with some information about a transfer to New Zealand Police, joking I said we would go if we could adopt again & he said..........Yes! but once we'd got there! not sure if we will go or not & can you imagine what it would be like trying to find a SS over there & all the paper work involved.   I think I should just count my blessings, I'm VERY happy with the 2 I've got.

BFN

Superal

XX


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Karen - I can feel your frustration in your post!  This is just another blip, everything will work out for you in the end.  Just enjoy the girls xx

Laine


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

laine- great news about the medical!

karen- just another hurdle you don't need! sometimes I think theimportant thing is covering one's professional back, rather than looking at the best interests of all involved. very, very frustrating. poor you.

we are back from our hols, and had a fantastic coupley time. now it is back to reality, gathering photos, waiting for sw to get back from her hols, interview the refs and write up form f.

also waiting to hear that medical update went okay.  

two more weeks until I start back at work so trying to get jobs done around the house etc. if all goes to plan i will be flat out at work from september until spring when there is a chance we will be matched. Not sure wether to get more nervous or excited as things move closer to panel!

had a bit of a rant on the bbc "have your say" website today- all these people making comments about fert treatment and how everyone should not have treatment because there are so many babies waiting to be adopted!   sometimes people are so clueless! also I moderate on another fert website and all the members were irate about the insensitive posts.

so have hd a bit of a militant day today.

 

magenta- I think having your dad as part of your network will go a BIG way in your favour- the sws will love it. hope the prep is enjoyable for you.
kylie
x


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## everhopeful (Feb 19, 2004)

Hiya Karen

Sorry to hear about your setback. How frustrating for you all.
I'm sure it's one last hurdle you'll be made to jump through and it'll be worth the trouble once you're at the end of your journey. 
Hoping yo hear some better news very soon xx

Brilliant though to hear of your "turn-around" and potty training too - good luck, I've heard varying reports about the success rates, but keep with it!
Let us know how she gets on. She'll be wanting proper big girl knickers in no time!

News from our end.... our daughter has suspected german measles. The complete panic I felt yesterday morning, and that's when you realise what parenthood is all about!
She is fine though, just a little bit more clingy than usual.
I know it's better to have them getting these things while they're young, but I've realised how vunerable she is and how much I love her. Soppy I know! It isn't a sudden thing, it's been a coming on stronger from day 1, but now after 12 weeks (seems alot longer!), I'm happy to say that I feel that I have bonded completely and she is part of me (not my husband, I'm not sharing her!!!).

Hope everyone else is ok x


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Hey there

Just want to give Karen a big  ....sorry to hear of all the frustrations. No offence to Social Workers, but sometimes they seem to jump the gun far too quick....Just because we are adopting they seem extra cautious, where infact birth families have the dame problems with thier birth children and there is no one there questioning things..
All I can say is that one day everything will be signed and sealed, but that doesnt stop you being a happy family now!

Boomerang girl- Hope you get your medical update soon and that you have a match soon!

Everhopeful - Sorry to hear about the suspected german measles....all part and parcel as you say, but hope she makes a quick recovery.

Laine - Sounds like you have a great GP there, mine has been good but sometimes questions half the things that we have had to go through!...

Hi to everyone else....

Still not much news here really, and am slightly disappointed...
Our friends who we met on the prep groups and have become good friends with, had a match 4 weeks ago, to cut a long story short, they turned the children down...then 5 days later they get another match, with one little girl who is only 15 months old.....
What annoys me is that we have been told we are to expect an 18 month wait yet they have waited barely 5 months...she is a straight forward case too. 
They too had a meeting with the SW just 2 weeks after panel and she is in constant contact with them, has also asked them to go and check the directory out at Social services to see if there are any children in there....we was just told that we may aswell get on with our lives as nothing much will happen!!..how is it so different...
On a final note, we were pushed a bit to take one rather than 2 children, and were lead to believe that parents aprroved for 2 would be more likely matched with 2 as there are fewer of them about..and like us approved for one, matched with one...Now we find out that the approved adopters for 1 or 2 are just as likely to be matche with one...if that makes sense, so in a way we have less of a chance than them..

Im sorry, I really needed to get that off my chest, but it all seems so unfair....we started this 2 years ago now and already we have to have our medicals done again as they have to be renewed after 2 years....

Anyway I hope everyone else is ok......the last thing I want to do is put people off!

natxxxx


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Karen - sorry to hear about the enforced delay.  I can well understand your frustrations.  Good luck at the court and you are brave to go by yourself.  Hugs to you and well done on the potty training.  I left my son until he was 3 as I had heard it is easier then and it was - only 6 accidents and he was potty trained in a week.  Still in nappies at night though as he is a deep sleeper.

Nat - sorry to hear that your friends have been offered children sooner than you.  We didn't stay particular friends with anyone on our prep course as they weren't local but we all exchanged phone nos.  I sometimes wonder if I should ring someone for a chat but know that I would feel gutted if they were already matched or something.  Selfish attitude I know but self preservation as well!!

Everhopeful - I hope that it doesn't turn out to be german measles.  It is great that you have bonded so soon.  My ds hasn't had any childhood illnesses yet and he is 4.  Chickenpox is doing the rounds here but so far he hasn't come down with it.

Kylie - glad to hear that you had a great holiday and that you had a rant on the bbc website.  If only those people realised how difficult it is to adopt a baby.

Superal - I know exactly how you feel re your daughter as my son starts school in September (on the 6th).  He was 4 in March.  He is very excited about it all and wearing a school uniform but I am sad to be 'losing' him.

Nothing happening here.  Been 3 weeks since I heard from our LA so I must ring and chase them.

All the best

Jenny


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## alex28 (Jul 29, 2004)

Karen and NAt - so sorry to read about your latest experiences.

This site is so informative.

I received the book i order giving children a second chance on weds and finshed it last night.  Even DH asked to read it and take it to work with him to read on breaks - amazing as he is not a good reader and have never read a book in his life - apart from Autotrader!!!

Spoke to a SW yesterday.  She was the SW for a friend who has 2 girls and my friend mentioned me and she asked me to call her.  She was so nice, said we have the info meeting in September, if we want to proceed there was a prep course in Oct/Nov.  Is this not rather quick - great on our part but dont want to get too excited about it all as i know we are in for along run.  Although my friend had info meeting, prep course, home study panel in 6 months.  This is the Somerset LA.  Anyone else from Somerset here??


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Our home study is complete     just got to wait now as our sw is on holiday for 3 weeks then she is going to type up our form F 

pam xx


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## Mummyof2 (Jul 31, 2003)

Congratulations Pam -   

I rang our LA today to see how things are progressing.  They are just waiting for our police checks to come back (had them done in February for last LA but each authority redoes them) and for the medical advisor to check our forms (returned from the GP on the 5th of August - must be very busy to take so long).  Ho hum - more waiting.  When those last two things are checked and passed we will be allocated sw for home study to begin.

All the best

Jenny


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

Hi all,
Pam that s great news that you have finished the home study- we have too now and as soon as the sw gets back from her hols she will start to write up the form f. she still has to visit refs though, and our police checks and my medical need to come back okay. I don't think she is in a big hurry as she is aiming for panel at end of nov.

Jen- the medical advisors usually are quite busy as they are quite "high up" the ladder. Our LA's medical advisor was on the "every child matters" panel, is a prominent paediatrician and I know through my work how busy she is- I don't know how they fit it all in!

I am finding this "in between time" is getting me a bit edgy, so am trying to be positive and start getting bits together for the life story book. And fill life with fun adult things now while we can. Today we are off to see the Gunners play Chelsea. Iam considering popping some binoculars in as one of thehighlights is always watch Thierry Henry running up and down the pitch, and this time I don't know where our seats are as my SIL got them for us.  No doubt we will chug a beer or two as well- Hoorah!!!!

kylie
x


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi everyone,

Kylie - So who do you support then?  Dh is an avid Chelsea fan  

Pam - Congrats to you both xx

Jenny - I have decided to give it a couple of weeks then chase! 

Nat - I would feel just like you do too.  I am sure you will be matched soon enough.

Karen - How's things?

Alex - The Somerset LA sounds good.  Enjoy reading your book.

Hi to everyone else.

No news from my end.  Chat soon.

Laine x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Oh what an awful world we live in some times!

My 12 yr old son has come in today quite upset, why? because a boy who lives near us has turned around to our DS & said that I'm not his real mum.

Technically, I'm not his birth Mum but I would say I'm his real Mum, I'm the one who has loved & cared for him for the last 8½yrs & I feel as though he has always been mine. 

This boy is an awful lad & normally I would tell our DS just to ignore him.  I felt really angry & went to speak to his Mum, I explained what had happened & asked her to explain to her son that my DS is mine & he always will be, she just turned around & said nothing!   

Our DS will come across silly idiotic people like this boy & he will have to learn to say something back to them.........any one got any ideas I would love to know.

Someone I work with who is in her late 50's & is adopted herself told me along time ago that she used to say to people that she felt sorry for whoever's Mum & dad as they were stuck with them & she was chosen and special for her Mum & Dad.

I don't want him to go around upsetting people but it's not right that they think they can just say anything to my DS.

Oh I feel a bit better for getting that off my chest.


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

i think the person who you work with is a star   it is exactly what i would tell my ds or dd to say, sometimes you need to be cruel back as it's all some people understand

pam xx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

PAM

I think your right, what my friend told me is what I might tell my DS to start saying!  Just wanted someone else's point of view first, see me an old hand at adoption asking for help, I'm glad I found this site!!.

Thanks to whoever sent me a bubble! ,this bubble thing is driving me mad & I've only got 1!

Hope everyone else is enjoying the hot weather we seem to be having today.


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## morgana (Aug 31, 2004)

superal,

was really sad to see your post but i think you handled it like a true star. Sadly there will always be situations like this I ran across one as a child. One of our distant family members got into a bit of trouble with the law (all now resolved) and some idiot told me (aged 11) that I would be taken away from my adopted family because of the fact that they were not my real parents and the SS would not let me stay due to the police activity. 
I carried this burden with me for weeks not wanting to add more worry to my parents before finally breaking down and sobbing the story out to a close family friend who I was visiting. I was comforted and quickly put straight on the matter and to this day my parents have never found out about this (as a result of my request at the time to the friend).
I still remember the pain and fear although I know I was lucky to have the support to help work through it. One stupid person's comments can cause so many problems, sadly ignorance surrounding adoption is something we will all have to live with but I just wish people would think before they speak and that parents would explain the full story if they are going to tell their children about other children who are adopted.
Hopefully your DS will sail through this....he knows who his mum is, the one that tucked him into bed at night, cuddled him when he was unwell and supported him through all life's trials as he grows.

Love Morgana x


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Thanks Morgana - you brought a lump to my throat - I'd send you a bubble if I had a blow - burst under my bubble counter!  Thanks!


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi Girls

Not much going on here until my visit to court on Tuesday.  Just wanted to say to Superal that those words of your friend are so true.  People can be so cruel, not just with adoption but all sorts of things that face us in our lives.  I suffer with psoriasis and have two huge patches of scales on my elbows.  I once had a lady tell her daughter to move away from me as it may be contagious.  I couldn't believe her ignorance.  I am sure you son knows he has very special parents.

BTW you send people bubbles by clicking the blow button beneath their bubble counter and it was me who sent you one to cheer you up!

Karen x

Hi to everyone else.  Will post more fully tomorrow when the girls are at nursery and I'm not so tired.  Although i should be packing for our hols!!


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Thanks for the message Karen & the bubble - I've worked out how to send bubbles now & it drove me mad all yesterday!!!!!! 

People can be cruel - my son is special to us & we are very proud of him - at this moment in time he has chosen to ignore this silly boy! 

Will be thinking about you at court on Tuesday Karen.

Good luck to everyone & for those of you have been approved & waiting to be matched to your children  - I hope that phone rings soon!

TFN

Superal
xx


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

oh that makes me cross 

You are ds' real Mum!  Sometimes explaining to kids that those who make such ignorant comments are not very clever, it is too hard for them to understand that people can be families in different ways, can help the "victim" to feel more secure by realising that the "bully" ain't so great after all. For example, isn't it sad that that poor bully's Mum didn't help him to be more "clever" by explaining different way people can be a family and be loved?  By making the other boy look unfortunate, DS should be able to hold his head high- and you should know too, how secure your relationship is because by the sounds ofhis mum you have put a lot more effort and care into your relationship with DS than she is capable of.

  to her!


sorry. oops... I'll get down off my nasty soap box and slink into the corner and onto my naughty step...


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Thanks everyone for all your kind thoughts & funny messages - 

boomerang girl - your message made me laugh, tell the other woman to kiss my a*** - I would but she's not worth it!

My DS is OK - he has risen above the horrible comment, although at the time he wanted to "smash" this boys face in, his words not mine!  I'm not into violence & I don't think it achieves anything but on this one occasion I was quite happy for him to go & "smash" this lad.

Good job DH is the sensible one - I'm very over protective of my 2 children.

We've explained to DS people are ignorant & that we are very proud that he hasn't scooped down to that boys level.  The said boy now has no friends to play with - isn't it a shame......NOT! 

I keep logging on hoping that someone will get a phone call soon & get their family that they have longed for, I know what it is like waiting & how people can annoy you by keep asking, that's why I just look & don't ask but you know I'm saying a special prayer for you all.

We all deserve to have our dreams come true - I'm lucky - mind did. 

Love to you all, I feel I've know you all long enough to sign out as........

Andrea 
AKA Superal


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## Laine (Mar 23, 2002)

Hi everyone,

Andrea - I think everyone summed up how I feel in their responses to you.  Arghhhh.

Karen - Hope things go ok tomorrow.

Hi to everyone else.

Laine x


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## TraceyH (Apr 14, 2004)

Hi All

We are coming to the end of our home study, one more visit and then a short visit with the Form F to read and sign.  Our next visit includes our individual chats and I was just wondering what sort of questions to expect, we seem to have covered so much that I am not sure what else can be asked.  Hopefully we will come up with the same answers.

I was really pleased that our SW thought that our Life Story Book was great and she saw that we had put a lot of work into it.  I have really enjoyed doing it.  We take ours with us on the day to the panel.

Tracey


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Hi All

Been off the grid for a while as we've been to the seaside and now I've got my sisters' children visiting.  As you can see by the time stamp I haven't had much time to myself and it's only now in the wee hours that I'm finally posting.

I'm afraid I haven't got the energy for a full post but I'd just like to say Good Luck to Karen for today, I can't believe this has happened to you.  Even "birth" parents have the occasional hiccups and having seen you with both your daughters I know you are doing really well.  Sometimes the Social Services just don't seem to know their ar** from their elbow   .

Andrea, sad to hear the rubbish that your son has had to hear but great to hear his response.  It sounds like he knows exactly who his parents are and has realised that it's not worth bothering with idiots like that.

Hi to everyone else, will chat more soon but I think I need some sleep!!

kive
Cindy


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## caron (Sep 1, 2003)

hiya girls  not been posting on here much as we've been in limbo land since our prep course ended in may , well our luck never seems to change and today was no differnt our sw called to officially say we wont be able to adopt , we have lived for about 10 years abroad in a few differnt countries and not legally registard in any of them so they have been unable to trace us guess if it had only been a few months it wouldnt have matterd , but the bad news is as we cant adopt in uk that means we cant also adopt abroad either , think my dh would throw in the towel now and call it quits , but all we want is the chance to be parents together , dont know what happens now we need to get our heads round it all and decide where we go from here.

want to wish the rest of you tonnes of luck and hope you reach your dreams sooner than later, thanks for all the support 

love and luck caron xxxxx


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

SORRY  to hear your news Caron - I'll be thinking of you & your DH!


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

Caron so sorry to hear that.
kylie
x


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Caron - Im so sorry to hear your news...it just doesnt seem fair does it..I hope that you get some real good news soon and that you will one day be a happy family..xx

Karen - Good luck for today, I have everything crossed for you!!...

Superal - Im sorry I never got a chance to reply about the issue with those kids!, the can be so hurtful at toimes, but glad hes ok...I will also send you an IM later today...

Still not much going on. Had a wicked weekend camping again woth my nephews and niece..we all went to Pleasurewood Hills for the day which was fab, blast from the past as its been 16 years since I was there last...the kids were shocked to think it was open ALL them years ago!!    ..
I told them Woody was so young he didnt even have hair!!..  

Not sure what plans we have for the Bank Holiday, I know the twins want to come and spend the weekend with us so looks like thats going to be a start!.

Hope everyone else is ok....its baout time we had some more celebrating to do.....so come on!!

Natxxx


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## Nats (Aug 22, 2003)

Just realised my spelling isnt all that great!!...as usual I have too much to say in such a short space of time!.....and my poor fingers cant keep up!...


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Hi,

I posted a while back and have followed all your journeys. We are looking into adoption but need to finish treatment 1st.

My LA (in Guernsey) have said that they will be ready to start the home study at the end of this year, beguinning of next. we are planning to move back to the uk at the end of next year andwondered if we have completed the home study would we have to do it again or would the one we have had done here be excepted?

My LA are happy for us to continue with tx until the home study commences.

Thanks

Fiona


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## LB (Sep 24, 2003)

Dear Caron

I am a bit stunned by your news - is it worth getting in touch with another agency? - or is the fact you were abroad affecting your CRB check? - not sure hun.  I am thinking of you and willing a solution for you.
take care you know where i am.

wishing you well matey 
LB
X


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

hiya.
yes I wondered that Caron- how many countries and how many years in each- I was brought up in aus, and I am an aussie- plus have british citizenship as my mum was born in the UK (she moved to aussieland aged three).
as I am a teacher, when I moved here in 94 I was told to get a police check before I came. It took a few months to come through, but involved me being fingerprinted at the local police station, paying a sum of money and giving my addresses since adulthood (this WAS in 94). since then luckily we have been able to give addresses and job contacts- but for 10 months in 98 we travelled aus and asia- we can give some job and address details for about 5 months of this time but the rest doesn't matter as anything else would show up in police records. it might be worth getting in contact with friends/employers/family in those countries to chase up some "grounded" contacts yourself. I am not trying to push you into anything. You know what you can handle. I just wouldn't want your options to be cut short if you really want to stick with this.


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## caron (Sep 1, 2003)

hiya girls - thanks for all the advise , but thats why its taken so long to actually find out we wern't going anywere our sw has been intouch with the foreign office for help and the welsh assembly , we have contacted old friends the british consol etc to no avail we have been back in the uk for over 6 yrs now and people move on change addresses and i dont think i'd be able to remember jobs or dates myself never mind expect other people to be able to, the annoying thing is we have had to wait this long to finally find out , at least now we can move on .

take care all caron xx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

New home this way girls......

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=35474.0

Karen x


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