# telling people you have applied to adopt



## someday (Sep 11, 2008)

Hi

I'm wondering how you have dealt with this. some of our friends obv know and we are happy with that. i have had to take some time off work for the prep course we have just done. some of my colleagues asked what i was doing on my day off. the first day i said we werent doing anything (felt so guilty) the second time a different colleague asked and i said we had appointments. i do feel bad not letting them in on it - my boss knows and another friend there knows. i guess im worried about them knowing and then being turned down for adoption. i know they would be so happy and supportive as they know we have had a difficult time. 

i thought about sending them and email to tell them. that means its all at once and i dont have to physically tell them.


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## kaz29 (Nov 4, 2006)

Hi,

I'm in a similar position to you at the moment. Only my boss and admin lady know at work at the moment as I've had to tell them to get the time off. I've said I've got appointments if anyone asks too and most of them have assumed doctors or hospital and I haven't put them straight! DH has been more open at work and he's told them from the start. They seem more supportive than 'gossippy', which is the opposite of my workplace!
We've also not told many members of our family or friends yet - we don't want them to get their hopes up for us, only to be disappointed if it all goes wrong for some reason.
My plan is to wait until we have an approval at panel (hopefully!) and tell the closer members of our family and friends that don't know, email the work colleagues on my team and put a status of ******** to say that we've been approved to tell everyone else. Some days, the only thing that keeps me going is thinking about the day that I can put that update on ********!

I do feel a bit guilty as I haven't told one of my best and oldest friends yet. I tend to have told friends that have had IF or mc problems as they understand more and she's single with no children and I find it difficult to talk to her about what we've been though. We went out last night and I was all set to tell her, but having had a bad week on the adoption trail, I couldn't face telling her everything from the start. I think make her one of the first people I tell if and when we ever get a panel approval and hopefully she'll understand why I haven't told her about it earlier. 

Good luck with your journey

Kaz x


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi someday,

I did exactly what you are thinking of doing ie/sending an email.
I used to work in a department of about 12 people and as we all worked shifts from 5am-11pm, 6 days on, 3 days off, it could be ages before you saw a particular person. I was quite close to all my colleagues so I just wanted to tell everyone myself rather than some of them getting to hear by someone else saying 'have you heard that bla bla bla.....'  
I worked there during our 3 IVF's too and everyone was so supportive I just wanted my news about starting the adoption process to have come from me.

I suppose it all depends on your relationship with your colleagues and how much you want them to know.
As I was aware that it was a long process and even though it is no one's business but my own I just felt that it was easier to tell them all at the start as it takes far more energy to hide things.
I didn't really feel the need to keep things secret either as my colleagues were also friends and we'd all worked for the company together for many years.
Mind you, if that's what you decide to do, be prepared for all the annoying and endless 'have you heard anything yet?' questions when you are only a couple of weeks in   . They die down after a while when your colleagues realise that it is infact a longer process than just sending an application in and 'Bob's your Uncle'!    
It starts up again when you are approved though (luckily we were matched quickly), but I know many of our friends were driven nuts by the 'have you heard yet?   ' questions when they were waiting for a match!!
It's only people being interested (and a little nosey I suppose  ) though.

I think at the end of the day only you know what feels right with regards to telling people and what works best for you.  

Lots of luck with your assessment.

Anj x


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## someday (Sep 11, 2008)

well i sent an email around this morning as i really felt i was living a secret life or something. 

the response has all been very positive and supportive. I'm actually now glad that they know!!


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

good for you..i think its a big moment when you tell people, lifted a huge weight off our shoulders i remember 
And you can add them to your support network when you come to write it down   

kj x


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi again someday,

I'm so glad you're feeling much happier about things now.   
I'm sure you'll find it so much easier now you've made the decision to tell your colleagues, and as you said, they've all been so positive and supportive so that proves it was the right decision.
Mind you, I wouldn't have expected any different. Had they been negative and unsupportive that would say a lot about them as people wouldn't it!  

Lots of luck with your assessment,

Anj x


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## time2bmom (Jan 18, 2012)

I haven't told my colleague yet either. The girls I work with know - 3 of them, as we're also fairly close friends. And I told my Project Manager as he needed to know for something specific that came up. 

I told the boss straight away as I wanted him to know as early as possible. He was actually quite sweet. 

I just don't know how to tell the others. I haven't even told some of my friends yet - ones I see infrequently, etc. Had such mixed reactions from my close friends (2 of them were appalled!) that I'm really unsure how people are going to respond. Oddly.. I told my hairdresser lol.. he asked if there was anything new (hadn't seen him for a while) and I just blurted it out and he went "oh!" and then.. "well that's exciting" and carried on lol. I think most people that don't know me closely are going to be quite shocked as I'm fairly private and don't really give much personal stuff away. 

I want to tell the 2 guys I work with closely but I don't know.. The reactions from my friends though have almost made me feel a bit ashamed about it which I know is ridiculous.


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## someday (Sep 11, 2008)

i havent told people i dont see reguarly or im not close to but there is a great freedom in telling my work colleagues and close friends. my close friends have known a while but with my colleagues i felt i was living a bit of a lie. i had time off for training but wasnt telling them what was happening. they dont ask all the time about how its going(its early days).


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

Our prep course was during the summer so a lot of people were off, I told my boss about that and then for HS I just worked from home for the rest of each day which I can do one day a week. I think for about one session I had to refuse a subsequent meeting and I just said I was busy, but I work in the kind of job where you don't have to justify yourself that much!

I told friends, and a few colleagues, when we were approved and some of the same people (not as many actually) when we were matched, I was very nervous about it not happening after matching as I know sometimes it doesn't (our "match" was more like a "link").  Obviously I kept my boss in the loop at every stage but I didn't want other colleagues for example to not include me on projects because they assumed I would just be disappearing - with more than 18 months from approval to placement I am glad I kept quiet about that as a couple of good opportunities came up and I participated and they finished so I'd have completely missed out!


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