# Really Nervous to start it all again



## sparklet (Feb 8, 2009)

Hello   


I used this forum whilst trying to get pregnant the first time round and really found it helpful. We had 3 years of fertility treatment and then 2 rounds of IVF, where i fell pregnant with twins on teh second round, but after a few weeks one stopped growing.... and we went on to have the most amazing little boy! 


He is now nearly 3. I have been told that I am not allowed to have IVF again as i reacted badly to the treatment that enables me to produce the eggs, but i do have 2 eggs that are frozen from teh same cycle as my son that i am allowed to use. 


I am really nervous though, as i feel like 'this is it' my last chance..... we have just had a year of trying with help of clomid and menopur and just finished as i wasnt reacting to it at all, so we have decided to try our frozen ones and have IVF again. Although i obviously want to use them.... a part of me likes knowing that my 'option' to have another child is safe in the freezer, once i use them, that is it. I am sorry if i sound negative.... i am not at all, i am really excited about it all and the prospect of having a sibling for my son, who we are beyond grateful for..... I am just anxious..... I know what the injections were like, i know how they sent me loopy and also i know the heartache of it not working......


Thankfully, none of my friends have had trouble conceiving and as supportive as they are, they don't really understand.... nor would i want/ expect them to...... 


Sorry if I have rambled and not really made sense...... Basically i am so excited to start it all again, but also petrified that i seem to have a tight chest whenever i think about it.....


xxx Sparklet


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## Denniscat (Aug 10, 2010)

Hi, I can completely and utterly understand hunny, I too fell pregnant through icsi in 2010 my other half has v low sperm count, and I have low amh. 

And I too am dreading doing it all again, just had amh retested and it's a lot worse so going to be our one and only chance x


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## Tiny21 (Jul 24, 2007)

Totally know how you feel, sadly we have never achieved frosties and tried in May, sadly ending in biochemical and tomorrow go for our downreg scan! It feels very weird to start again have had 3 days of awful awful headaches and a particularly yucky period this time too. 


I am 40 now and feel time is so against us, we have issues with our sibling sperm too. It makes it so much harder trying when you have a little one and we know we are SO lucky and he is gorgeous but so so want him to have a little brother or sister. 


Feels unreal this time and haven't got my head around it at all as the donor issue threw us for so long and my age pressured us into using another donor as a decision on our donor was so long away. 


I also feel guilty sometimes about wanting another but I know we shouldn't but there are so many people who haven't had success at all but wanting another can be such a strong feeling too, different to number one for sure but still a need. I want it for my little boy.


Nice to share our thoughts openly and good luck to you both
Xxxx


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## sparklet (Feb 8, 2009)

Thank you for replying, it is good to know i am not alone in my thoughts   


Tiny21, i think that is what i am struggling with the most is the guilt that i know i am so lucky to have our son, yet i want more.... 


Good luck to you both sending you    


xx


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## Tiny21 (Jul 24, 2007)

I know but we shouldn't feel guilty at all should we. We have every right to want another child. 


Currently stimming and    
Take care 
Xxx


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