# ******** Nightmare



## Natalie01 (Jun 10, 2007)

Hi guys,

I haven't posted in a while, but I read the updates daily.  

When I found out that I was infertile due to Turner's Syndrome (TS) when I was 16yrs old, it broke my heart.  However, I got on with my life and tried my hardest to succeed in other areas. I guess I always knew that others around me would start families over the years, and I thought that this was something that I could accept.

I am 27yrs old now and nobody close to me has had kids.  However, this week, out of the blue an old school 'friend', who I hadn't seen or heard from since leaving school found me on ********.  He is now a successful businessman with a lovely car and has been married for a year, and good luck to him.  You guessed it, he became a daddy to a bouncing baby boy last week, and I guess he was finding people to spread the word. Tagged to his profile was picture after after picture of him, his wife and their parents all proudly holding the new edition, the arrival at home from the hospital etc. 

For the first time, I have been confronted with the reality that the only reason why I was 'coping' so well  was because I had never had to face this inevitable situation, and it has really dawned on me that I am missing out on such a lot by never being a mummy...no childrens' parties, family christmasses, first steps and words, days at school, graduations, being the mother of the bride, a grandma...the list goes on.  I always thought that I wasn't bitter, and in fact I have really tried my best to be as nice as I can when children are around me, so I wouldn't be tarred with the 'bitter infertile woman' brush.  Now I am stuck with all these baby pictures tagged to my profile that I can't remove, because in the nicest possible way I don't want to be confronted by them.

Help!


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

can you just delete him from your friends list? Would that get rid of the pictures? I'm aware that's probably not the ideal answer, but you weren't really "friends" with him, he was just looking for people to show off to!


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## emcee (Apr 3, 2005)

Oh Nat  

Its horrible when something bites us on the bum like this - as we have been saying on a few other threads here of late there is always going to be something that triggers our sadness about not having a family of our own... sending you another   because these things suck!

I'm rather liking emmag's idea about deleting this guys profile or whatever it is that he has tagged onto you - chances are he won't notice as he is in cloud cuckoo land at this present time  

You aren't bitter either honey, you are just finding this difficult at this particular moment in time - I think most of us here would have to have a heart of steel not to be affected by something like this to be honest! 

Hang in there hon
Love
Emcee x


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Dear Natalie,
I hate ******** - it's just one enormous 'round robin' (you know, the ones you get at Christmas?) and I hate those too. People go on ******** to show what fabulous lives they are living (yeah, right?) they only post the good bits. It's full of posers and the self-obsessed. Ok - there are probably lots of kind, nice people too. But in my opinion - it is a waste of time.

Take this guy off your friends list - then you won't have to look at his baby pics. I think you can block people too. To be fair lots of people (even those who you thought were really quite sane) go 'ga-ga' over their newborns. A friend of mine sent me loads when his son was born - but rather embarrassingly for his wife she was in the photos too - lots of pics of her breast-feeding and looking rather unglamorous after having just given birth. He sent those photos to just about anyone in his address book (If I was his wife I wouldn't have been too pleased that he didn't edit them!!)

You are not bitter - you are having a perfectly normal reaction to someone foisting their baby pics on you. I find it makes me want to vomit sometimes. I guess it's not as bad as when they do it in the office - handing round scan pictures seems to be obligatory these days . Since it's on the computer - you can happily stick two fingers up at the screen and press 'delete' !
Bernie xxx


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## Natalie01 (Jun 10, 2007)

Haha!
Just to let you know ladies, there is an option to disable just the photos on ********!!!!! Result.  OK, it means that if anybody wants to send me pics I will have to re-install, but it also means I don't have to 'shut people out', just because they have kids, which is something I really don't want to have to do because it would just be isolating myself.  At least those baby pice aren't in my face anymore thought. Phew!


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Myownangel said:


> I hate ******** - it's just one enormous 'round robin' (you know, the ones you get at Christmas?) and I hate those too. People go on ******** to show what fabulous lives they are living (yeah, right?) they only post the good bits. It's full of posers and the self-obsessed.


That's so true!

Besides, if we'd wanted to keep in touch with people from school, we would have done. People, there is a REASON we "lost touch" with you!!!!


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## Yamoona (Nov 7, 2005)

I have recently joined ******** and on my profile I have written 'trying to come to terms with living a life without children (involuntary childlessness) and trying to get others to understand what that is like'. There are people on there with lots of pics of their family but I am ok with that and luckily always have been but my point was I want them to know or at least try and understand that not everyone gets the family we all expect to have. I only have a few friends as I want some privacy but if someone gets the message I will be very pleased. It can have some positives.


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

Emmag -   Thanks to ******** it is no longer possible to quietly 'drop' people... they can always find YOU (ahhhahahahhaa - mad laughter!)

Yamoona - Good for you! You are blazing a trail for the rest of us. It is so important that we speak our truth, and I try to do it when I'm feeling strong. We need to educate people - and a simple message such as yours states it plainly and honestly. I would do the same - but I've given up on ******** (as you probably gathered from my earlier grumpy post!)
Bernie xxx


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Bah - the trick is to never use your "real" name....


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## irisheyes (Feb 2, 2005)

Hi Nathalie- i felt kinda the same when i went into Friends reunited after a while . People had posted info on their wonderful lives and i couldnt get past writing that i was married and my job!!! One girl mentionned her new baby who was just her "mini me"!!! She was always a bloody poseur at school so obviously hasnt changed!!! I would love to be a fly on the wall in these "perfect homes"!!!


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## emmag (Mar 11, 2007)

Yes, quite... According to friends reunited, everyone I went to school with is a "manager" of something or other.


(Love from Emmag, current occupation: "Executive Manager" to this cup of tea and slice of toast...)


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## Myownangel (Aug 24, 2005)

LOL! I'm a freelancer, work for myself, so I could think up some very grand titles...How about Managing Director of Bernie Inc (!) My boss is just fab, BTW... always lets me have time off.

Irisheyes: that 'mini me' woman sounds rather strange... can only pity her poor kid!

Bernie xxx


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## Cheshire Cheese (Apr 19, 2005)

Sorry to put a spanner in the works here

Although i want to agree with you all about ********, i find it great.
I have had a great laugh with some old friends, some people i lost touch with due to my job at the time and people going to different Uni's across the Country.

There are some thought less people out there but not everybody understands or knows what people are going through day to day.

I think just remove the photo option and have some fun on there 

Emcee has given you some good tips there, although these things do come up and slap you in the face from time to time.
My wife is still finding it hard to come to terms with but she is getting better now

Regards Jon


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