# long lost families thurs 9pm itv



## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/tv/interviews/a375057/long-lost-family-davina-mccall-interview-we-all-need-hope-and-joy.html

I for one thought the last series was brilliant..it shows why things changed in adoption to be more 'open' as it is these days. watching the heartache of people who were never told any information about their birth parents you are left in no doubt as to why we have all the information at our fingertips for our own children now. A good doucumentary for relatives to watch too, who dont get the open adoption/letterbox contact idea...

kj x
/links


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Saw this advertised KJ   

Looks good, thanks.

I wish they would cover the more complex aspects of contact for today's adoptees though  . 

X


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Hi KJ

What did you think?  I didn't see the last series ...

There is a good discussion on Adoption Uk about this program.  Most people are asking why the adoptive parents didn't even get a mention  . I must say I do agree with them  .  The follow up 'writing' at the end was the worst bit when it mentioned that the man (mark?) was now enjoying getting to know his 'new' family ..... what about his adoptive parents?  

That said, it was a very moving program, especially the reunion of the sweet older lady with her first born daughter  . You couldn't fail to be moved by that.  However, I don't think I will watch it again, it wound me up too much as it is a million miles away from today's scenarios    

What did everyone else think?

X


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

i think i just take it at face value..its not meant to represent todays world of adoption..its about people finding their birth families after years and years of no information. I'm not bothered it doesnt mention the adoptive families, thats not the aim of the programme. You'd need a full programme on every subject to deal with both side of the stories. I think for me it just highlights that the way we keep contact open these days is sooo much better than the way it used to be. Seeing people SO absolutely desperately needing to know their stories to help them feel complete just makes me mindful of why i make the effort with letterbox contact.

kj x


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

That is a good way to think KJ (if you can   ) and I do agree with the letterbox comments ...

However, i realise the program was not about adopters but as adopters raise the child through to adulthood and have had the biggest input into the child's life, I just think they should at least get an acknowledgement of some kind  

We will beg to differ on this one  
X


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

i actually think it just highlights that whatever we give our adopted children, the moon the stars and sun, they are always and forever going to carry the feelings that they  are different and have a part of them thats different..thats why i dont think its relevant the adopted family part of their story is highlighted in this case


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Hiya

Yes I did tune in last night too and as usual it was very moving, but, I do agree there is no mention at all about the adoptee's adoptive families.... nor is there any mention of what life would have been like had the child remained in their birth parents care.  Had it not have been for the adoptive parents who knows what would have happened to the children the birth parents decided to give up so I feel they played the most important part in the childs life.
The programme makes us feel like along come their 'real' family and its bye bye to the only family they have ever known and the ones that dedicated their lives to the child and didn't give up on them   

Not saying that reunion is not a positive thing and I totally get the need to know where you've come from and it must be absolutely awful to not have information of where you've come from and 'who' you are but I do not think the programme gives a full and frank view of all the emotions involved in this.  Never does it mention a birth child / mum that doesn't want to have any contact, I know that wouldn't make good tv but i'm sure it happens. 

The story lines are very much the same too, awful times to be a single parent, family trauma etc that even the hardest of hearts wouldn't have trouble forgiving, but, I do wonder what reunions will be like for our generations children, the birth parents who did have a choice but who did not choose thier children    I'm sure some of the very very saddest of stories couldn't be forgiven   

xxx


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## Cornflower (Jun 5, 2011)

I thought it was very telling that, at the end, when the older woman wanted to know if her daughter could forgive her for giving her away, she didn't exactly say she could, just 'I understand'. I could see why the mother needed to hear it, but I felt it was too big an ask of the daughter who had only just been reunited with her mother.

I too felt the omission of any mention of the adopted parents (although can see how, for editing/time purposes, there was none). Really does bring home the difficult truth that, as keemjay says, adopted children are always always going to have this yearning for their birth mother, even if they really love their adoptive mum. Although maybe in the types of cases highlighted in these programmes, where there is no knowledge at all, that the mothers become a rather mythical figure to the children. Perhaps with the more open contact encouraged now, the BMs wouldn't take on this 'holy grail' like image in children's minds.

Also, Davina's done so many haircare ads now I kept being diverted by the shinyness of her luscious locks.....


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## skyblu (Sep 9, 2010)

I totally agree with you all about the pro's and con's with the discussion between KJ and DE.
The stories in this episode was heartbreaking and thankgod that our children today will and hope get some information on their BP no matter how little or how much, but one thing really struck me when watching this program was the case of the man who as a child was placed with a family who had four other children but he was the only one with blonde hair!!!! No wonder the poor might felt so out of place and being referred as the milkmans son at least now adoption services at least try and get the hair colouring right. When I first started this journey I always said I would take on any child as I was so desperate to be a mum, that was me being selfish, a child needs to fit into a family and having a ethnic child would not of fitted into our family and I am so glad I saw that program to really understand how even the total wrong hair colouring in a family can affect a child.

I watched the last series of this program and 2 families did bring in their adoption family into the program and one of them even met up with the BM with her adoptive son, so it does happen sometimes.
But I think this program is more about long lost families, whether it is through adoption or not, next week one is about a boy dissapearing from a family when his sister was 14 and has taken her nearly 40 yrs to find him, I wont tell you why he disappeared but it is another heartbreaker.
Skyblu.x


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Anyone catch last nights?

Very interestingly this one didn't come across as the birth child desperate to find her BM and her adoptive Mum was her Mum    A different ending to the normal ones shown and certainly a successful adoption   

xxx


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