# What to expect when adopting a 4-6 year old



## Tinks269 (Jul 21, 2015)

Hi
We are looking at adopting a 4-6 year old but most of the things I read are about adopting younger children. We have panel in a couple of weeks and our sw says that we have nothing to worry about so my mind has started to move to the next stage. I know we are in for a long wait but just wondered if there were others looking to adopt slightly older or any advice from those who have.


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## superal (May 27, 2005)

Hi
We adopted a nearly 4 year old little boy, 18 years ago now, time has flown!!

It's a lot harder to "deal" with an toddler than a baby but don't let that put you off.

There are so many advantages of not having a baby as well.......no sleepless nights, no nappies, being able to understand what they are saying and what they want.  I could go on and on 

When I say its harder I mean intros will be longer.  This little person has their own identity, their own mannerissums, their own unique personality.  Most can hold a conversation and some not all do remember their past.

If I can be of any help and you think of any questions you would like to ask then Pm me, just didn't want to read your post and run.

Good luck
X


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## Tinks269 (Jul 21, 2015)

Thanks for the reply. From the looks of it the reason I can't find much is that most people adopt younger (which is what I thought was the case). I am sure I will be in touch once we are the next step along.


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## Nicola30 (Jun 13, 2011)

Hiya Tinks,
I have no personal experience, my lo was 15 months coming home. My best friend adopted a little man just a few weeks before his 4th Birthday and I see him quite a lot (not the same as 24/7 I know)
The comparisons I draw from him to my lo are that each age has its own positives and negatives. Like Superal says above, older is more likely to sleep etc, so while I've been doing night feeds and nappies my friend has been getting a proper nights sleep. 
The other side of the coin is the older they are the more aware they are, they are able to verbalise how they feel, but also the drawbacks of that are they remember probably bad times, but it's easier to sit down a 4 year old and explain things than it is to a 1 year old...

Sorry not much help, wishing you lots of luck!


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## Tinks269 (Jul 21, 2015)

Ah Nicola30 you have been helpful. Everything is so up in the air it's a case of trying to piece things together and work out what life will be like on the other side. But you are on the other side so I'm sure you understand.


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## Nicola30 (Jun 13, 2011)

It's the strangest set of emotions to go through, you'll get to the other side though and then it all makes sense xxx


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## Mrsm291 (Jul 20, 2015)

Hi Tinks.
We are also going to panel in a couple of weeks and are looking to adopt around that age. We are going for siblings and are being recommended for age 0-8 but we know that it's likely we will be more towards the older end of that scale. I will be interested to read the responses on here as I also find that a lot of the stories are for either much younger children, or a little older than the 4-6 bracket. Good luck at panel!


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## Paulapumpkin (Apr 22, 2006)

We've adopted a 9 year old, 5 year old and 2 year old. 

If you have any questions please just ask.

xxx


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## siheilwli (Jan 18, 2006)

Hi Tinks, good luck with the panel. 

We adopted "older" siblings - they were 4 and 5 when they came to us. They were an absolute joy! Advantages of older kids - you know exactly how they're developing, what their issues may be, they can tell you how they feel (and they will! We had a lot of talk how they were missing their foster carers. Interestingly the younger one didn't remember the birth family, the older did, and the younger considered his foster carers his parents iykwim)

At this age you can have lovely days out, and they tell you what they like or not. We had quite a few food issues at the beginning, they wanted everything like they were used to (tinned food!) but that soon passed. I remember vividly when I made them a banana split, they were over the moon! Also if they're going to school, it does give you time to have a bit of a break.

We were in a tough situation, because their foster carer was terminally ill, so intros were really rushed in our case. 

Be prepared... ours had TONS of toys, more than 2 carloads! Don't know if that's usual or not! 

The thing I wished someone told me was... why the first 6 months is going to  be hard... it's hard because you haven't fallen in love with them yet, and they haven't fallen in love with you! It's like babysitting someone else's kids at the starts. But you DO fall in love.... and it' takes time! (give it 6 months at least). 

I remember giving them loads of cuddles, even though I didn't really  feel I wanted to at times... I found it really hard that my daughter just wanted to be on my lap the WHOLE time, it was neediness that I wasn't totally prepared for. My son expressed his neediness in anger, refusing to get dressed etc. 

Tip: get the school on board, make sure they understand that there might be some issues and know how to deal with it sensitively (food issues etc... my son picked some food from the floor in school) and work with them. 

When they're misbehaving or being really difficult, just remember they're just scared and want to feel safe. 

Main thing though....  it's the BEST THING WE'VE EVER DONE!
Good luck


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## Tinks269 (Jul 21, 2015)

Thanks for the replies.

You have confirmed what my husband and I thought, which is great.  I am pretty sure I will be in touch once our LO arrives! xx


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