# Tested this morning BFN!



## grovecottage (Aug 7, 2010)

Morning girls i was just wondering if there are any words of wisdom out there for me. Tested negative today and i am broken.         I was so sure that it was going to be positive, i am just so devastated, DH being so supportive.
How do you get past today?
xx


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## Irish Dee (Jan 30, 2008)

Hi Grovecottage,

So sorry to hear about your BFN.  It really sucks.  I wrote this post after my last BFN and wanted to share.

Massive hugs,

Dee
******************************************************************

Just wanted to put a few thoughts down in words to try to support/encourage anyone else who might have gotten or will get a BFN in the next few weeks.

I think that I am lucky to be blessed with an upbeat, cheerful, optimistic outlook and before I embarked on this IVF journey, I tried to make sure that I understood the actual chances.

The statistics have to be taken notice of and I was aware going into this that 72% of women in my age group (3 are unsuccessful at IVF. 


I decided that I would not allow myself to feel like any kind of failure/disappointment if it did not work for us. The more I thought about 28% success rates, the more I felt that it was a great number, but I have to think that it was always more likely not to work. Would anyone here back a horse that was 72% likely to lose a race? (I know its a rubbish analogy, but it's the best I have today).

I have to now accept that this cycle has not worked, but what are my choices? 

Do I lock myself in a darkened room and let myself cry and howl and feel absolutely depressed and down? 
Do I push my husband away and not allow his sorrow to hep me recover? 
Do I cut myself off from my friends who have children because I can't cope with them? 
Do I allow all my anger and frustration to colour my view of my life and kill all enjoyment or happiness until I have my baby in my arms. 

What will happen if I let that happen?

Will my clinic ring me and say that they've made a mistake and that I am actually pregnant. Of course not and by allowing myself to soak in misery and heartbreak, who will I actually be hurting?

Or course I'm going to allow myself some time to heal, feel a bit stronger and maybe enjoy a beer or two. When I feel stronger, only then will I allow myself back on this crazy journey again.

I'm not saying that I don't care, of course I do, but I have to be realistic about the chances of success and I'm not going to let my life be destroyed by infertility.

Where is it written that we all get what we want in life? Maybe a great husband, a nice home, good friends and a lovely, supportive family is what I get? I have to appreciate what I have and enjoy my life.

If I have a baby some day, it has to be an enhancement to my life and I can't live a half existence waiting for my life to start when I get a baby. 

On a positive note, I now know that I my body responds well to the down regulating drugs, that my DH and I can create 'viable' embryos and most importantly we can get to the stage of transfers. How many unfortunate ladies even here on this site never even get to the transfer stage and face abandoned cycle after abandoned cycle? 

Best of luck to everyone starting the process and to everyone who is waiting to test in the next few weeks


Massive hugs to everyone here, who march towards motherhood, like a silent army. Keep the faith and our time will come.


Ding ding, bring on round 5!!!!!


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## jenny80 (Apr 8, 2009)

Sending you a massive hug. Take time to grieve hun and get support from friends and family. I know it feels like the pai will never go away but I promise it does ease i time. You will never forgot but you can move forward in time but today is a day for letting all the emotions out , its ok to cry.

Remember you are not alone hun and FF will support you through this sad time.

thinking of you.


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## Nix01 (May 2, 2010)

Hey all. Big hugs to all those with BFN's too. Just found this link after trailing through for some info, news or anything to pass the time. I too had my first failed cycle of IVF/ICSI last weekend. Although I was trying not to get my hopes up I had also convinced myself that some people clearly do get lucky first time for clinics to have the success rates they do! We have been ok but i knew it would hit me sometime and I think as I read all these posts and other peoples BFP on the 2ww forum it is defo hitting me tonight! We haven't managed to book a follow up consultation yet but hope to get one soon.

We were going to be sensible and save till we have the next £6000 for our treatment like we did before but I am now wanting to start asap but haven't even suggested this to my fiance yet. It will take us at least another 8 months to save and that is a long time. Oh I just really don't know wat to do or anything, after a couple of clear thinking days for the first time in a while I now can't stop thinking about trying again!!

Right, now the tears are flowing!! Going off to do some more research now...part time job maybe?! How do other people manage to find the funds for their cycles?! Any ingenious ideas anyone?!?!

Sorry to be so down.







xx


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## grovecottage (Aug 7, 2010)

Morning girls, thank you so much for replying to my post. This weekend has just been hurrendous.
Irish Dee, thank you for the post. I am def trying too put things into prespective and that I can't shy away.
I am going away with my mum for 4 days on Wednesday and feel it will be good to get away. There I can focus on me and not all my friends falling preggers.

Nix because we have embies left we are very lucky we don't have to pay the huge bill. Does your clinic offer anything with consecutive cycles, ours have been. How are you feeling Hun? I think my dh is terrified to open his mouth at the minute as I keep crying! But he is being very strong for me. It's hard for him to understand as he has no fertility issues it's all me!  

Thanks girls for you kind words. Thank god I have my ff family!

Xx xx xx


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## Tiger777 (Aug 12, 2010)

Hi there,
Your not alone today, I also got a BFN This morning   after a FET.
This was my second 2 ww and although I was pretty sure it hadn't worked it still hurts to get your fears confirmed.
I totally agree with what dee wrote, I get through it by giving myself a day or two to feel sad and to cry etc then I think about all the good stuff I have in my life and how lucky I am and then start to move forward. 
I'm already thinking about the next cycle, and the silver lining is I can eat chocolate, drink coffee and enjoy a glass of wine!


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## chocolate drop (Jan 16, 2010)

Hi, I really hope you don't mind me gatecrashing your group.
I wasn't sure where to post this so have popped it on afew boards to vent my thoughts.
However because of my negative cycles I thought you girls would understand.
Irish Dee - you thoughts on a negative cycle and putting life in perspective is music to my ears and so refreshing. Thank you for putting your thoughts on paper to share.



To be honest after a second failed cycle of IVF I am seriously wondering whether it will ever work, we seem to be cursed! I know logically that would seem a bit melodramatic to some especially as we have had only had two attempts, but that's genuinely how I feel.  Friends and family say "its just bad luck" but am wondering if its more than that. As we struggle on with IVF more and more friends/family seem to be pregnant and I find it sooooooooooo  tough. I know this sounds childish but "it seems so unfair".


I am convinced that it is more than bad luck....maybe we should go privately to have more tests? But I think it might be silly to not go for our last NHS attempt just to have tests done sooner. However I am aware I'm getting older. 


I feel we have an embryo 'problemo'. On or first cycle I had two embryos transferred on day 5 but were told they were 'abit behind normal blasts...ie not developing properly'.  Then on our second round I overstimulated again and 15 day 1 embryos were frozen and none made it to Blast...so am now thinking is Donor Embryo's the way? 
What to do ? What to do?


Wishing you all lots of luck and hope dreams do come true






x


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## grovecottage (Aug 7, 2010)

Hi chocolate drop, your not gate crashing dont be silly!  

I am sending you all my hugs, as right now I know how you feel. I am questioning myself also
about problems. Also find it so hard as DH has no problems, it's just my body
that right now is becoming a little hateful. After having my 1st lap surgery at the age of 15
and after at least 8 more surgerys to remove cysts, both tubes and endo, and hyper stimulating after first attempt. It's extremely hard to stay positive. 

On my FET I thawed our eggs and had 2 day 3 transfers, I know it didn't work for us but maybe it mightbe an option for you to keep FE at day 3?? Maybe you could chat to a doctor about it for your next go?

We are hoping for a review apt at our clinic before Xmas and to start FET treatment again in Jan 
I hope this has helped you. We are all here for you that's what the ff family are for.

Stay strong huni   

xx


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## chocolate drop (Jan 16, 2010)

Dear grovecottage


Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, its so kind of you.
I really don't know what to think. I'm scared I will be one of those ladies who it never works for and I keep having round after round, not knowing when to call it a day!?
It helps me to think I am not alone in this crazy journey of ivf but I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. However Irish Dee's words are an inspiration. 
I wish you lots of luck in your review appointment. 
Thanks for welcoming me onto the board, lol x x x x x


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## grovecottage (Aug 7, 2010)

Chocolate drop, by no means are you alone in this crazy journey. I know sometimes we feel we are Aline but just log on to here and it just shows how many of us are going through it. I know what you mean by trying and trying and trying. I will be starting my 3rd round of treatment also but 2nd round if transfer, fingers crossed sometime in Jan. But I believe it is meant to be a success for us all, and we are all destined to be mummys!

When are you hoping to go for treatment in 2011? I have so many questions for my review appointment, so really looking forward to that and hopefully getting some answers! It's always the question why? Why?why? 
Stay strong Hun
xx xx xx


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## chocolate drop (Jan 16, 2010)

Hi grove cottage!


Thank you for you kind message. We hope to start another cycle in the spring as have been told I have to wait 3 months between this one and the next. We have a review appointment about this failed cycle in January! Quite a long wait but they are crazy busy at the clinic. When do you hope to start? I noticed on your profile you overstimulated....me too...twice so the main focus of the final cycle I hope is to ensure I don't overstimulate again...I think that's important.....I think I need to be on the lowest lowest amount of gonal F and have better monitoring - more regularly.Are you able to get your 3 cycles on the nhs? I'm very grateful for this as its such a postcode lottery.


Take Care 
choc drop x


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## mandy13 (Aug 3, 2010)

Hi Ladies, hope you don't mind I joining here.
I was tested yesterday for my 2nd IVF cycle and it was a BFN.  I am really really down with this.  I don't know if I should start the 3rd IVF cycle.  Due to my elevated FSH level and low AMH, I know my chance will be really really slim.  I am starting to consider living childless life, but this break my heart whenever I think about it.


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## keeley ;-) (Jan 13, 2010)

i also got a BFN today  our 1 and only embie with DP's sperm didnt make it. i'm gutted. but *DEE* as always you have the words of wisdom xx

hope we can all pick ourselves up and carry on. but i know its gonna take some time before i go again.


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Hi all i have had 3 bfn.  Well one bfp then a miscarrage, one bfn and a bfn with fet.  It is tough really really tough.  But you can become strong again and feel good and positive about treatment again.  We got our last bfn in May we have decided to leave it until next year before we look into having another go.  I can honestly say i feel stronger and better about it all than i have for a very long time!  I know that sounds really odd but i have made many changes in my life and am beginning to feel as if i am in a much better place emotionally for my next treatment.  


Take care of yourselves and believe that things will get better. xxxxxx


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## jenny80 (Apr 8, 2009)

mandy - sending you big hun

take time to consider what you want to do next. I remember after my BFN in glasgow i thought it was the end of the road and  year later i started to explore choices abroad. I just was not ready to give up at that time .


Thinking of you.

jenny


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## grovecottage (Aug 7, 2010)

Mandy, don't give up hope huni! I have only had one BFN and 1 cancelled cycle due to ohss, both just a devastating as each other. But I believe you will find strength from those who love and support you. You are not alone. Last Thursday I thought I was alone after testing but a friend I meet on FF told me to take time to grieve and cry! And I did and I am already starting to feel normal again and positive.


Keeleykeeley and cowseyes I am also so sorry to hear of your BFN. I believe next is our go. A healthy positive mind keeps me sane I think! I am sending you all my hugs and positive thoughts! Stay strong and there is nothing wrong with crying! Lots of love
xx xx


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## chocolate drop (Jan 16, 2010)

Dear Mandy


I'm usually a very well spoken lady...but goodness sometimes life is S**T....I feel your pain, as can many of us ladies.
It is truely hearbreaking to get that BFN. I just hope, but know, time will heal and don't give up.
Take care and thoughts are with you


lol choc drop x


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## Bub (Sep 22, 2008)

I'm sorry to read about everyone's negatives. It's so difficult and I feel for you all. I've just tested today after a second cycle of IVF and it is negative. I too have concerns about embryo quality and like many of you, I fear I am destined to have round after round and never being able to stop treatment. But Dee's words were a great comfort 

Somehow, some time, we'll have our day in the sun.


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## wanabmum (Jul 30, 2009)

Hi nix01 me again    , was just reading back and saw your message ideas for saving - we both have full time jobs but my dh got a Chinese delivery job cash in had £80 - £100 some nights and i started selling things on ebay - this Christmas we have asked everybody for money to put toward our next treatment hoping maybe some extra guilt money will be donated   the other thing we considered was going to norway saw a big article in the sun a wee while back it's half the price of the UK and you get a holiday think it was scan something as in Scandinavia try the treatment abroad tread.x


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## grovecottage (Aug 7, 2010)

I thought this was getting easier, but found out ANOTHER friend is pregnant! My heart is breaking, I hate being the person who cries everytime a friend becomes pregnant! I can't seem to stop crying again, I think DH thinks I have lost it!

Dee I keep reading your post in the hope that I will start to feel it! Sorry for the sad post!

Xx


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## jenny80 (Apr 8, 2009)

Its hard to hear that someone is pregnant, its not that your unahppy for them but it just reminds you that you want it also to be you too. Its hard words to hear when you too want a baby so much!

Have a cry and treat yourself too something nice.

Remember its ok too feel this way, i use to feel guilty for hating hearing those words  "im pregnant" but now I know I think that its understandable and i am not alone in feeling this way. I avoid christening etc as i know i cant cope so stop forcing myself to go and was kinder on myself.

Sending you hug

jenny


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## toria77 (Dec 9, 2010)

Hi everyone, didn't want to read and run. I also got a BFN this morning but was expecting it as I started bleeding on Monday. Got follow up appointment in January and will discuss the reasons behind the poor fertilising!!!

Been doing a lot of research now on egg quality and how to improve it so that next time maybe they'll be better. Bit confused really as 5 years ago when I did the cycle that resulted in my twins I actually had 7 blastocysts!!!


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## mandy13 (Aug 3, 2010)

Hi Ladies,
Thank for the encouragement.  Right now, I just want to leave this aside and take my mind off from it.
Let's hope next year will be a better year for all of us.


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