# How do you handle this????



## nayg (Nov 3, 2007)

Hope you can help!!!!

This was our 1st IVF BFN, i just can't believe it to be honest.  You go all through that for nothing and i think it's sending me .

Just seeing that one pink line on the HPT and i was a mess .  Why me, i keep saying to myself?  My sister is having twins naturally due January, i think that's making the whole thing worse.  I try to treat her normally but i am finding myself withdrawing from her and my whole family, i think it's some kind of defence mechanism because i can't cope.  How nasty am i, she's my sister for goodness sake!!!!!  

Have you any suggestions??

Nayg


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## babybug (Jul 9, 2007)

Nayg - firstly i am sending you a big hug   , it is really difficult dealing with a bfn , but try to stay positive that next time WILL be your time !!    
I know what you mean with sisters being pregnant , it is a natural feeling towards them that "why me" feeling and to their pregnancy " why them?" i have / had my sister and sister in law all announce their pregnancies JUST after my 2nd BFN and i was / AM gutted , is sooooooooo hard, but stay strong you WILL be a mummy just not this time !!!   
take care babybug xx


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## Tiny21 (Jul 24, 2007)

Hi Nayg    to you. 
I know exactly how you feel - I have 2 pregnant sisters - 1 also due in Jan with twins!!! I read her email update (the only way I can vaguely tolerate "talking" about the pregnancies) to see she was finishing work in early Dec - I feel so guilty as I haven't shared this experience with either of my sisters at all - I like you, just can't cope and have gone through periods hardly speaking to my family and we are really really close. I know they are in bits about our situation but there is nothing they can do to help. I have had 2 BFN after DIUI and haven't even really been able to share that pain with them. I honestly know how you feel, my counsellor says it is totally natural and we are envious not jealous - we want it for us as well not instead. I am coping no better so can't give any words of advice I am afraid, apart from to say you are not alone. 
This is a fuller post I posted earlier in the year. 
http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=109588.msg1562630#msg1562630

You are not alone and I find coming on here really reminds me of that and helps me like myself a little more. I think I could "cope" reasonably with IF treatment but cannot cope with this situation, I just hope I can when all 3 come along! It honestly feels like it destroys a little bit of me each time I hear new updates or news. 
let's try and keep  

Take care
Tiny
x


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## tinastar (Jun 7, 2007)

Hi

Thought I'd send you a message as we got our BFN on Friday 16th as well. I started bleeding a few days before so that just added to the stress. I've been feeling pretty strong considering.....but I know it is because my husband is here all weekend. When Monday comes and all those dreaded school runs start, I know I will crumble. It will come I know and I am just dreading it.

Try not to be so hard on yourself - it is a loss. Feeling upset and angry and utterly desparate are all normal feelings so don't blame yourself. Allow yourself to grieve and give yourself time. I am sure your sister will understand and give you some space.

I think it is natural to withdraw. I know I have withdrawn a lot over last few years. Esp from those friends who have 'accidental pregnancies' and then moan about it!

You are not nasty...you are just human, hope this helps, to know you are not alone.

Sending you lots of love

Tina x x 
quote author=nayg link=topic=120309.msg1716743#msg1716743 date=1195234105]
Hope you can help!!!!

This was our 1st IVF BFN, i just can't believe it to be honest. You go all through that for nothing and i think it's sending me .

Just seeing that one pink line on the HPT and i was a mess . Why me, i keep saying to myself? My sister is having twins naturally due January, i think that's making the whole thing worse. I try to treat her normally but i am finding myself withdrawing from her and my whole family, i think it's some kind of defence mechanism because i can't cope. How nasty am i, she's my sister for goodness sake!!!!!

Have you any suggestions??

Nayg 
[/quote]


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## nayg (Nov 3, 2007)

Thank you so much!!!!! 

It helps so much to talk about things 

I think we all must feel like this when we see other people having children and for some reason we can't!!!!!!! 

How emotional is Christmas going to be!!!!      Does anyone else feel the same?? 

Nay


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## babybug (Jul 9, 2007)

Nay Hun, i completely agree , christmas is going to be soo hard for ALOT of us !!!, It is when we have no excuse but to see pregnant family members, newborns, children in general , i remember last year watching my year old niece enjoying christmas , opening pressies and smiling at the pretty lights on the tree and i said to myself "next christmas i will either have a miracle baby or a bump "(as if first ivf had worked i would be 5 months now) but alas i have NEITHER , perhaps next years christmas !!!?       
All we can do is raise a quiet toast to us all on FF !
Babybug xx


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## Tiny21 (Jul 24, 2007)

Dreading it, I usually love Christmas and family stuff but this year I am honestly not sure whether to go away rather than go to family like we normally do. I have always said I would never go away for Christmas as it is about family to me but my sister would by then be quite pregnant and the other, though away will be close to having her twins.  The trouble is I will be miserable where ever I am so don't know what to do for the best I really don't. 

I would love to feel   and think by then I might have a BFP to sing about from my next DIUI  but....

I will think of everyone on here, wherever I am, I know that. 

Every Christmas for probably around 6 years now I had hoped it might be with a baby or a bump.
Let's hope there are some BFPs to come up soon and some more positive news. 
Tiny
x


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## babybug (Jul 9, 2007)

Tiny , i am wishing you a very happy BFP christmas, fingers crossed for you, is weird i have just thought..... i hate anyone telling me they are pregnant..... but when i see BFP on here i always quietly say "Yes" and smile!!!!!! i suppose because i think we all deserve it, after all we have to go through??!!! so come on tiny start the BFP trend for us as all !!    
babybug x Is it next month your  DIUI??


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## nayg (Nov 3, 2007)

You are so right!!!!

I have always said i would never go away for Christmas for exactly the same reasons, this year though i would be rather be in some hot Island somewhere.  If only we had the money!!!!! 

Well at least we have each other to get us through!!!! 

Big  to everyone not looking forward to Christmas!!!  Don't worry we have FF to keep us from going   Thank goodness!!!

Nay


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## babybug (Jul 9, 2007)

I too said to my DP the other day, would it be right to give pressies out few days before xmas then go away somewhere , but at the end of the day i will still be miserable thinking of our fertility ! I think i will have to watch VERY closely what i drink over christmas cos i am the type of person who after too much upset . i.e the talk about baby all the time from SIL over christmas day lunch etc could spark an argument as i tend to loose it when i am drinking!? i am not proud of this fact, which i know is why i must keep sober for everyone's sake!! talking of SIL ...we saw her yesterday , *** in her hand (7 weeks pregnant) and already she is saying oh it's going to be a girl as i have loads of morning sickness !!!(at 7 weeks!!aghhhhh) , the main reason for this is she has 2 boys and said that 2 kids was enough and me and dp would have to have the first "Girl", hasnt been one for 20 odd years ( all boys!!) on DP's side of family , but when she announced this the other day (pregnancy) she turned to us and said well i thought i would have one last go at getting the girl as you 2 obviously aren't trying !!!!!?( she doesnt know about our tx), but i soooooooooooooo hope she has another boy (yes that sounds VERY bad and envious but trust me i would NEVER hear the end of it !!!).... sorry i have the green monster rearing it's ugly head !!!  
babybug xx


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## Tiny21 (Jul 24, 2007)

Oh babybug - how horrible!  I could not have kept my mouth shut I am sure. I am really lucky with my family - including BILs etc. ***     that makes me so mad - how can they? 
Oh well Christmas will come and go - let's just hope there is some good news for some before it. Maybe 2008 is the year! I said that this year - still 1 more attempt for me this year, all being well,if my body behaves (think I have IBS now which is not pleasant and worries me for my next cycle)
Thoughts are with you all. 

 
Tiny


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## nayg (Nov 3, 2007)

Tiny - I really hope this one works for you!         
I will have everything crossed for you!!

Babybug - i totally understand about the drink, for me it's food and drink!!!  So by the end of Christmas i will look like I'm pregnant!!!!  

Don't you think FF is FANTASTIC!!!!  It makes me feel sooo much better about everything.  My sister is massive i can't tell you how much i wish it was me!!!!  Oh well one day i hope!!! 

Big   to everyone

Nay G


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## Tiny21 (Jul 24, 2007)

Thanks Nay G, so do I   
FF is fab, keeps me going it really does. 
Tiny
x


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