# A very hesitant "hello"



## Birdbath (Jul 8, 2015)

Hello Everyone 

Moderators: I'm not sure if this post should go in the introductions forum, but I'm a "no chance left" gal and to be honest I didn't post there first because I can't face (even with the loveliest of intentions) reading through messages from people who are still undergoing treatment/already have a child/all the stuff that still hurts. 

So yes, it's a hesitant hello because I've read posts on these boards many many, many times, before plucking up the courage to sign up. 

I'm mid 40s, with 15 years of TTC behind me, with 2 different partners. IUI/IVF, blah blah, nothing worked, and in the process, my life, marriages, career hopes, friendships, everything was destroyed. I'm not intending to bring anyone reading this on a downer - if you're reading this, you're in a very similar boat and I'm sure you understand.

xxx


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

Hello Birdbath,

I am so sorry to hear about your difficult journey. Loss, especially loss like this, is life-changing. Like other forms of grief, it never fully leaves you. I'm glad you have some positive things in your life, like your cat, to help you weather these low times.  There are lots of people here who understand how lonely and deeply distressing it can be to move on from TTC. I hope you continue to post and seek support.  

It sounds like you might have some form of post traumatic stress disorder or complicated grief. Would it help to speak to a therapist or your GP about things that trigger your grief, like your periods? There are things you can do to avoid periods if that helps give you time to heal; your GP can advise. 

I've moved some well-meaning replies from lovely people, who wish to support you but who are still undergoing treatment or who have had a different outcome, because you stated clearly in your post you did not want these replies. If/when you feel ready to read them, I can move them back.


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## Alotbsl (May 20, 2013)

Hi birdbath, so sorry to meet you under these circumstances. You are right it does hurt every single day and it can feel so isolating. If ever you need to chat please post here or PM me.


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## JulietP (Dec 6, 2012)

Hello Birdbath I'm sorry you feel at the end of your tether.  You will find many friends on here who have been or are going through exactly the same as you.  On here we feel free to be as negative and selfish as we need an no-one judges.  I too am in my 40's, will definitely never produce my own eggs and my husband had a vasectomy reversal that didn't work.  I didn't ever want to be on the 'moving on' section, so I loiter on the 'end of the road, or not' section.  It gives me little hope whilst deep down I know that probably nothing will ever give me what I want.  There are days when I hate everything and days when I look at my German Shepherd pup and I love him so much it's almost enough to keep me sane.  Animals can be a great comfort!  Please do ask away and some lovely lady will have been through what you're feeling and you can then feel not so alone.  This forum really does make you feel you are one of many and not just the only one out there....


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## Birdbath (Jul 8, 2015)

Thank you guys so, so much for replying. It's good (awful, but you know what I mean?!?!) to be able to hear from people who know exactly what I'm talking about and know the awful desperation. I stopped treatment about 5 years ago and I guess I just feel like I sort of wasted my life trying for this thing that never even happened. People (i.e. people who haven't been through this) only hear the success stories and I had so many people over the years (including close family) telling me it'd all work out in the end blah blah (my dad used to tell me "I just KNOW it's going to happen for you". That drove me nuts. If that's true, why do we bother investing in science and testing? We could just get my dad to look at every couple and tell them magically their future! and my mum - I adore my parents btw - but my mum told me how my infertility is vey painful to her - I know this to be 100% true, but she told me that she thinks my inability to have a child *might* be as painful as her inability to have a grandchild. WHAT?

I also feel like because I stopped treatment so long ago (and I'm totally unexplained - with 2 partners) - what if there's something really simple wrong with me, that they know about now (or will do in a couple of years) and they can easily fix, but it's too late for me because they didn't discover that thing 10 years ago?  I know that's a catastrophe thing but...


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