# Helping children understand 'NO'



## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

our wee one has been with us for only 6 weeks or so and she is well settled and starting to test boundaries (all good things re. attachment i know).  However, does anyone have tips on how to help a 20month old (who is a bit delayed) to understand 'no' and that when we say 'no' it is because what she is doing might or will hurt her.  She seems to think it is a game or that what is NO now will be ok to do in an hours time 

We have tried distraction; clearly saying NO and removing and even 'time out' but she just doesn't seem to understand.  I know this is a new family for her with a whole new set of rules but I am petrified she is going to seriously injure herself if she doesn't stay away from fires or stop pulling cables etc.  Our house is child proofed but when we go to visit people or go out for the day it is a constant battle to stop her killing herself by jumping off furniture, lifting heavy things; touching stuff or eating houseplants.

help.  Christmas is fast approaching and I don't want it spoiled with tantrums and tears.

magenta xx


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## saphy75 (Mar 15, 2004)

Sorry hun i can't help you there as my little monster is the same (although much younger) i'm just hoping it's a phase, you probably have tried this but use positives rather than negatives i.e. reward her when she does as she is told but if she ignores you try moving her away from what she is doing without saying a word then if she keeps away from trouble praise her again. does this make any sense ??

pam xx

p.s by reward i do not mean with treats i mean praise and hugs


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

Sorry Girls but there isn't a lot you can do.  My DH used to dread taking Junior to visit my parents at that age.

It is not because she is delayed but simply because she is just too young to understand.  My DS is a very bright child but he was exactly the same at that age.  Now when he ignores me it is out of sheer wilfulness which is a whole different story  .  You have to persevere with what you are doing, distraction, time outs, physical removal, praise and rewards.  Obedience will come (to a point because all toddlers push the boundaries) you will just have to learn to be patient and to spot the danger signs.  

Best of luck and I hope your Xmas isn't too frazzled.
Cindy

PS, I always find a stiff drink after they've finally gone to sleep quite helpful too


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## carole (Jul 21, 2003)

Hi Magenta

Hope you don't mind me butting in.

I know some people may not agree with me, but I strongly agree with EXTREMELY firmly stating NO, including shouting ( i.e raising your voice) if necessary - this is what works with Robert - he will do what he likes but when I say NO he knows I mean it. The tone of your voice is very important and you mustnt laugh however funny they try to be. Hope I'm not sounding patronising/teaching my grandmother to suck eggs etc. Testing boundaries/rules is natural for all children. Good luck

Love from Carole
xxx


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

thanks everyone.  Will try all your tried and tested methods and just accept it is part of parenting that they will keep testing boundaries over and over and over again.  She seems to be getting a 'bit' better - well...maybe she is more distracted...not sure 

much appreciated your support on this one - so thanks again.

magenta xx


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## Boomerang girl (Jan 24, 2004)

umm, i'm there with carole- there are times when no just has to mean no and they stop doing what they are doing and know you really mean it! i restrict that of course to issues of safety (be it for them or the child they are about to whallop with the shape sorter) but at least if the worst case scenario happens- eg they run towards the swings or the road and you can't reach them in time they know when you mean business! on the other hand, kids will be kids and they will have little accidents, these are a learning curve for them and they soon grow and tell you exactly why they shouldn't touch the cooker as they unfortunately found out the previous week! have fun magenta- strawb (who is very bright) has really just go to the point now where i can reason with her, explaining why, but it still doesn't stop the odd little test of just how hot etc when she is overexcited!


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## casey (Sep 26, 2004)

Just to say that i agree with all the advice given so far. I think it really is just a matter of perservering as your little one will have forgotten what was said and done an hour ago - she is exploring her environment and in lots of ways the fact that she has the confidence to do this shows you are doing a really good job of making her feel secure. I also agree that NO ! in very dangerous situations should most definitely mean NO - and i can remember with dd that we left nothing within her reach till she was around 2 1/2 years old. I reckon you should warn friends to do the same and if they don't ask them move the cables, ornament, pot plant, switch the fire off etc when you & dd arrive     
casey
ps have you thought about bringing her favourite dvd with you for dd to watch when you visit friends - i swear teletubbies saved my sanity   and to be honest loads of places are just not child friendly and should be avoided at all costs


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