# brave face!



## Hells Bells (Aug 28, 2008)

Hi Ladies 
Its been a while since Ive even been on here! I cant sleep and needed someone to talk to!
A little bit about me, My partner and I have been ttc for nearly 8 years now, a life time!  We have had treatmeats all the tests and all ok with both.  Then last Oct I fell pregnant naturally but had a missed miscarriage at 7 weeks (found out at 12)  Ive never been more heart broken I'm still not over it.
This week should be my due date and I'm finding it harder than I thought I would, mainly because my partner have not been getting on lately, we fall out all the time over stupid stuff and we seem to lead different lives now.  I feel really low with everything right now and he just pats me and says its ok! and he knows why I'm upset but does nothing to make me feel better! its like he would just rather forget the whole pregnancy time and not bring it up.  
I try to stay positive about it all, after all I got pregnant once!  its just so hard its like been in a race and having to start all over again after a false start!  Ive started taking Agnus Castus so fingers crossed! 
The main reason for my post is that my best friend has just told me she's pregnant! I nearly fell off my chair, she's not planned it and is scared to bits about telling the father but that another story!  What upset me the most is that she was scarred to tell me coz she didn't want to upset me because she doesn't know what she's going to do.  (I do she will keep it I know her too well!!)  Why do people do that, of course I'm devastated to be totally honest but I'm happy for her, I cant explain it! I'm sure you understand what i mean! I hope   I'm going to find it so hard I know I am its bad enough when its people i hardly know, nevermind my bestest friend who i see all the time!
Well like I said to partner we will just have to be at it like rabbits now so we can have babies together!  But the way things are who knows, i don't believe in immaculate conception!
Anyway Ladies thats quite enough moaning from me! Just needed to get it out to someone
H
xx


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## LittleMissM (Jul 23, 2010)

HB -  I couldnt read and run and wanted to drop you a quick line because i know how you feel.

Going back a few years the exact same thing happened to me, we had tests and got the ok, got preggers naturally and I mmc at 6 weeks. It was the most heartbreaking thing to ever happen to me, and I remember at the time saying to dh that 'I would never forget my baby' only for him to reply with 'but it wasnt even technocally a baby yet'. He meant it in a noce way trying to help me get over the loss but I felt it like a punch in the face and for a long while we didnt talk about the pregnancy, didnt see eye to eye, and argued over the most mundane and silly things.

It got to the point where we nearly split up, and it took us sitting down and being honest with our feelings, me saying how offended I felt by his lack of compassion and care and him explaining he didnt mean it in that way and that he hurt too. He just couldnt express it well or in front of me sometimes for fear of upsetting me.

Maybe you need to do this aswell, have a good talk, get feelings and sadness off your chest and see if this moves things into a better place fo you, as it would all resurface and not help when the pressures of parenthood arrive.

I also feel for you on the friend side of things. This happened so many times for me. Best friends, colleagues, strangers, it felt like it was all slipping away from me and I would never get my turn at being a mummy and at times I really felt like what was the point in going on. But I knew it would happen deep down, and the fact that I had been pregnant spurred me on, I could get pregnant I just needed a little help.

For me you will see from my ticker that we went through numerous tx's all failed and it was only after tx after I accepted yet another failure that I relaxed, booked a holiday, said right we will go again in a few months, that my miracle happpened and I think it can happen for you too. IF is so so hard, on you, on dh, on your body and mind, but be string together and you will come out of it the other end and you WILL be the most amazing parents ever.

Jealousy will always be there, its part of us, and it will be hard, but your friend will be by your side when it is your turn hun. Its hard just now but persevere lovely and you will get there!   

Hope you dont mind me butting in.

Sue


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## scattykat (Jul 21, 2011)

Hi there, I am sorry to hear you are going through such a painful time at the moment, I have not been in your situation so cant imagine what you are going through, but am sending you mental hugs.
I think men think about the whole pregnancy thing very differently to women, and when they say stuff they don't mean it to be so hurtfull. I know that is not much consolation when they say something that makes you want to cry ( I have been there so often!) but I try and keep it in mind. It affects you relationship in many different ways, it has affect our sex life, DH now seems to scared to touch me as I get obsessed about timing it all, so stressful. ( sorry if that was too much info, am new to this site and don't what people share yet!).
having friends who are too scared to tell you is awful, it makes you feel like they must think we are monsters who will go wild (saying that I did lock myself in toilet at work when friend told me her news, but in my defence had lots of other things going on as well!). I was invited to a baby shower yesterday, was so awkward as she knows i would be upset there, and she would be uncomfortable if I went....have left it at mo.
Just wanted to say chin up, thinking of you.


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## 1972 (Feb 5, 2011)

Hi ladies

I can sympathise with you all. I genuinely think those who have never gone through treatment like this just have no clue how hard it is. I had a failed cycle a few months back and can truly say its the hardest thing Ive ever gone through. It isolated me from colleagues, friends, family to a degree and also DH - we rowed, bickered more than usual to point I questioned if I could go on . . But , I knew our relationship was Strong. Unfortunately it was a BFN after 2 embryos were put back and I felt like my world had ended. But - it does get better and easier and a few months off mean Ive felt back to normal . It doesn't go away but the seeing pregnant friends, baby showers etc get a little easier .. Try to use this site for support as we all understand , and Scattykat - trust me, you start telling everything lol !

Sue - has the little one made an appearance yet ?? Such a nice story to hear with a happy ending. 

Good luck ladies with your treatment x


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## LittleMissM (Jul 23, 2010)

Maisie - My baby arrived on 26/7 at 11.02 and a bit of drama   - thanks for asking


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