# reassurance



## tenny (Jun 28, 2009)

Hi 
I just wondered if I could have some words of reassurance.  I'm now finally wonderfully pregnant at 12 weeks and everything is going fine but I've been getting more and more worried about being too old to have a baby.  I think that it might be a self-esteem problem - it's almost as though I feel I don't deserve to have this happen.  I keep worrying about when my child is 15 and I'm 60 and my DH is 63.  

I thought this was the best place to confess such a stupid worry.  

Tenny.


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## Irish Dee (Jan 30, 2008)

Hiya,

My hubby sometimes worries about his age (he is now 53 with a 28 year old daughter!!!!) and facing into parenthood again is a worry regarding his age (to him).

I think the facts are this, one day you will be 60 anyway and your husband will be 63, won't it be lovely to have a 15 year old around the house to keep you both young and imagine how much love and attention you will be able to give you little one as all your clubbing days are behind you and you will be totally content to focus on your little bubs.

Look at Jade Goody, young mum who did not live to see her boys grow!!  Life can be cruel, but can also be fantastic and you are being given the opportunity to be a mum.  What is age at the end of the day?

My aunty was 47 when she had my cousin and they are a great family.

I completely understand where you are coming from though, there are days when I think that all my mates have 8-14 year olds and here I am only starting, but you know what, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Best of luck with your much wanted baby and I'm sure you will be a super mum.  

Dee


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## Ellie.st (Mar 11, 2005)

Dear Tenny

Congratulations on your BFP.  I had my wee girl when I was just three months short of my 43rd birthday and I am now 45 and running around after a very active, cheeky toddler.   I will not tell you that it isn't tiring sometimes because it is - but I know quite a few women much younger than me whose little ones are the same age and I can honestly say that I think I manage as well - if not better - than them.  It might be a cliche but I think being older helps you to be more laid back about things. OK, so we will be 60 when our little one is 18 but I know already that I have more energy and positivity about my wee one than some mums 10-15 years younger have, and I am going to do my utmost to make sure that that continues to be the case. 

I worried throughout my pregnancy and could not enjoy it as I could not believe that I would actually be lucky enough to have a baby.  Even after our little one was born (she was premature), I couldn't actually believe that we were going to get to take her home.  I still remember one of the nurses in SCBU telling me as we finally left to take her home that we should enjoy her - and I took this to heart.  Two and a half years down the line I can honestly say that it is the best advice I have ever been given.  My DH and I have a great time with her, and I truly believe that she is a happy little girl, that we are happy parents, and that our age doesn't make the slightest bit of difference except in that we have more life experience (which is a good thing for us all!). No-one, regardless of their age, can tell what the future will be, so my approach is to make sure we are making the most of things now. Having our little girl has made me much more active than I was before, and much more able to fit in loads of different things.  Oh, and it is simply great fun.

Having a baby in your 40s now is pretty common so please don't feel isolated or unusual.  My view is that your outlook on things is far more important than your age. So please give your self-esteem a pat on the back - you have achieved something really special already, you do deserve for this to happen, and I am sure you will be a fabulous mum.  

Ellie


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## Kazzie (Aug 6, 2005)

Hi Tenny
I'm older than you and I can honestly say as knackered as I am    it's the BEST thing that ever happened to me and dh (who is 47).
It's blooming hard work - of course it is - but friends have told me it's hard at any age....I think I'm a bit like you - I too have a bit of a problem with self esteem but I have to say at my ante natal classes I was the oldest there but never felt different, everyone accepted me and I didn't think about the age thing as much as I thought I would. There are a lot more of us older mums and mum's to be's around (my docotor told me 40 was the average age to have a baby in my area!) so I'm hoping I might see a few of us 'mature mums' at the school gates....I'm quite convinced that I personally would not have been so ready for motherhood in  my 20's (possibly 30's but it didn't happen) I was just too immature and selfish. 
NOW is the time for you - you only live once and age doesn't always come into it -I've seen plently of unfit and disinterested far younger mums (obviously not all!!).... 

I too have thought about being 'old' when my son is still young - but if we are young at heart I'm sure it won't matter...... 
Kazzie x


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## Lyzbeth (Feb 7, 2008)

Hi, firstly congratulations on your pregnancy  

My Mum was 43 when she had me and she was a great Mum. She was young in her heart but had the advantage of maturity and as I grew up I valued her wisdom. She had more patience and time for me than some of my friends younger parents (who were probably still growing up themselves) so I really don't feel I missed out on anything by having an older Mum.

I'm sure you'll make great parents and I wish you all the best


Beth
xxx


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## tenny (Jun 28, 2009)

Thanks Dee, Ellie, Kazzie and Beth.  I'm going to seriously go away and think of what you have told me and change my attitude.  You're right, Ellie, I need to start enjoying this and I'm going to get a grip because if this is going to finally work out then it needs to be right in my head.  I really do appeciate the advice and comments and will take them on board.  Thanks.  

 Off to the swimming pool today.  I live in Spain and it's a good option in the heat.  Am a teacher so have hols till September.  Then I should be so busy from Sept to Feb that I won't have any time to worry anyway     

Take care all, 
Tenny.


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