# erections and fertility anxiety



## purplepeak (Jan 31, 2012)

We have got a really tricky problem and I would be so grateful if anyone could help. My dh is completely anxious about bms and it stops him getting/keeping an erection. The gp is absolutely sure it is psychological and so am I. He is absolutely fine when we are going through an ivf cycle, and straight after my period or towards the end of my cycle, but when he guesses it is around ovulation, he is completely different. His body doesn't react the same way at all. He knows it is all in his head but it doesn't make any difference. I am at my wits end. Because of mf fertility problems, our chances of getting pregnant are reduced, so we need to have sex at the fertile time of my cycle as much as we can, but sometimes he can't manage it. It is awful. Are we the only ones to have this problem? Has anyone else had it? Did you find anything that worked? I have been as sympathetic as I can but of course he knows that it is really important and that I am upset. Have tried a hypnotherapy cd and he finds that relaxing but it doesn't seem to help. I have wondered about viagra but I think I have read that it does something to the sperm that is bad for fertility. If anyone can help I would be so grateful.


----------



## Velma (Feb 3, 2010)

I didn't want to read and not post! We are not in the same boat but i know that i have definitely found it sorer and more difficult during this journey and i firmly believe that is related to the stress and pressure of it all! Could he try accupuncture to try and help reduce stress? Or could you perhaps disrupt the pattern so he isn't aware as much of exactly where you are not in your cycle? Perhaps throwing a few other seduction techniques in so it feels more spur of the moment? 
It is very difficult and hard to turn it around quickly just try and stay really close! Perhaps stimulating him without the expectation of more to mix and match a bit during the cycle? Or stimulating him and stopping short teasing him a bit more!

I really hope things improve huni! 

Velma x


----------



## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Oh ladies I sooo feel for you - when we were trying au naturele hubby had a similar problem now and again, its not that he doesnt want to make a baby with you, he feels pressurised to perform....
counselling may be able to help, but if your man doesn't like to share feelings / emotions / psychological issues.... just turn up the fun part of rumpy...cracking the whip (not literally !) and demanding sex to order quickly loses it's appeal for our poor blokes.

As long as you have bms around ovulation, sperm can remain active for a couple of days.

Wishing you and your partners the very best 
Sheila


----------



## Mistletoe (Holly) (Jan 1, 2007)

A friend had this problem with her DH and they got around it by him collecting a sample on his own and her doing artificial insemination ''turkey basting'' around ovulation.


----------



## purplepeak (Jan 31, 2012)

Thanks so much ladies for replying. Dh 'surprised' me this morning before work and says he is working on it himself with some suggestions he got from a forum, so hopefully things will turn around - or maybe he just correctly guessed that it's too late in the cycle now for ovulation ... Will def take your advice on making it fun and staying close etc. 
Thanks again!
Px


----------



## Velma (Feb 3, 2010)

That's great purple! Even if it was because its too late remember that its so important that he feels he can do it and at the moment even if thats outside the optimal times imagine sure its making him feel a bit better! I hope things start turning around real soon! I wish you the best of luck!

Velma x


----------



## purplepeak (Jan 31, 2012)

Thank you Velma. I really appreciate you posting and being so positive! P x


----------



## Sheilaweb (Mar 21, 2006)

Purple - there is also a 'mens room' here on FF if your hubby wants to 'chat' to other fellas: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=89.0

So glad things are on the up (so to speak)


----------



## purplepeak (Jan 31, 2012)

Thanks Sheila. I'll suggest it to him. He always does such a good job of pretending not to be stressed about it all but obviously he is and it would do him good, I think, to talk to some fellas.
Yes, very good that things are 'on the up' 
px


----------

