# Coping with 2 littlies



## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Hi

It's early days yet, we have only just read the CPRs, but we are looking at a 1 and 2 year old sibling group.

My DH is rightly concerned that I might not be able to cope when I am on my own with them. 

Have any of you had any experience of this? How do you cope? 

And, most importantly, how do you best convince their SW that you will be able to cope and a good match? 

We might be involved in a competitive match, so would be really important to make a good impression.

love Bluebells xxxxx


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## ritzi (Feb 18, 2006)

bluebells 

as you were approved for 1-2 under 4 did you discuss this scenario with your SW?  what kind of things did s/he suggest and you both think? - that's a good place to start.

we had a 1 and 3 yr old placed and it's been much harder than i ever imagined   but when they are tucked up in bed happy i know it is all worth it  

our big one goes to nursery now which has helped  

i'd emphasise family/friend network, who will support you as parents?
find out where all the toddler groups etc are - we made a folder to show this....
show that you are able to ask for help when you need it 

hope that helps 

ritz


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

Bluebells - Go on the child information services website (CIS) it will give you info of toddler groups, children centres etc locally to you. I think if you can show you've thought about how tough it will be that will be in your favour.

Also Netmums is a good site to look at.

Good Luck

Fiona


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi Bluebells

Congrats firstly on getting this far to read about these 2

My 2 were 18months and 2 (6weeks short of 3rd birthday) and we 1st hear about them and within 6weeks they were home! 

It has now been 13months since we got them and i got home last night after being away since last sunday on my own with them and we had a fab however tiring time away!

i will be totally honest and say its very very hard work and this is from someone who is used to having 2/3 children for weekends/weeks at a time as i used to care for my friends 3children when they were all under 6yr old and also my 2 nieces who are 15months apart in age and have had them both since a few months old!

Fiona is totally right about the CIS as i did this a did a mon-fri planner for where we could go inc costings.

Like Ritzi i have 1 at nursery for 3hours a day- our DD started nursery about 8weeks after coming home and this has helped her gain confidance as well as give me some 1-2-1 time with DS and to do "jobs"

our intros were 12days long and then DH had nearly another 3weeks at home with the children which helped greatly (2wk 2 days hols and 2 week paternity leave and intros feel on 2weekends)

I am more then happy to answer any questions you have via PM

xxxx


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## Guest (May 16, 2009)

Our first foster placement was two wee boys of 1 and 2 and I found it OK.  I had to be organised to get everything done, but I managed and survived - in fact I really enjoyed it.  The hardest bit was getting out and about as the double buggy was often too wide to get into places and it was a realy faff getting in and out of the car.  I also had very little support for the first week - DH was at work, there was no family nearby and even our SW was away on holiday!

Saying that, it was much harder when our three (3, 4 and 6) came for the first time.

Bop


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## cindyp (Apr 7, 2003)

I can't help specifically because there are two years between my two but I think you've been given some good advice regarding sussing out the local groups, children centres, etc.  I can also recomment Netmums.

I think most people surprise themselves with what they can cope with.  I've come on-line now because my BIL is visiting and he and DH are watching Match of the Day.  He is visiting with his two year old twin boys which he and his wife had after tx, but now they are not only coping with two boisterous toddlers but also with a 6 month baby (at home with the wife) after she fell unexpectedly pg.  I also have a friend who had three children in three years (again not planned) and we just met tonight at the soft play a couple who had one child and then two sets of twins.  I think they would all say that is hard work but with the help of the odd nursery session and family support they cope.

You just have to show the SW that you are prepared to take on the challenge.

Best of luck
Cindy


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## Rachelbee (Oct 25, 2005)

In my childcare experience (14 yrs as a nanny incl one job with 2 sets of twins under 4) the closer the age of the children the easier it is in that you can arrange activities that will suit them both easiyl as on the whole they will enjoy the same things tho maybe on slightly different levels. Time management is the key to coping with 2 little ones, a good routine and support network! Good luck, all sounds very exciting!


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

theres 18 months between my 2 (tho they werent placed at the same time which was nice and easy... got no.1 settled nicely before the next arrived!)and it is definitely hard work..but also great fun..when they are giggling at eachother across the table at teatime or see-sawing toegther in the garden it makes it all worthwhile 

you definitely need to think hard about your support network...and work hard on establising those peoples relationships with the children (obviously not in the initial early stages of placement ) so that when you need help, often in an emergency, the children are happy to be left with them..without being overly traumatised!

re impressing the sw's...def check out your local toddler groups, gym open play sessions, story time at the local library, where the local ducks live etc etc you can show off how you are going to fill your days! i was told by our sw that i was talked about after a meeting where i said i could fill up a good couple of hours taking the childen out for splashy walks in their wellies;;didnt seem like a big thing to me but obviously was the right thing to say!! (and i wasnt just saying it for effect, i really do it!)
my dh ,like MJ's took extended leave after both placements which was seen in a postive light. Also my dh works locally and has been able to be home by 5 most days, earlier if he goes in for 8am..personally ilike help at the end of the day, breakfast time is often much an easier routine to juggle than tea time when everyones tired!
also the fact that i planned to be a SAHM was seen as a positive..

Like MJ i am no stranger to hands on childcare and its trials and tribulations but i do sometimes get desperately tired and look round the house and want to cry, its always messy and i mean messy, i havent dusted in months, theres PILES of paperwork everywhere that i cant be arsed to deal with, the washing is never-ending (although i did do extra punishment to myself by having them both in cloth nappies) and i feel like DH spend the evenings doing chores and getting ready for the next day..if i *just* had 2 childen to look after that would be fine, its having a life round them thats the hard part..but thats parenthood for you and part of the sacrifice  the toddler/pre-school years are very demanding but soon they will be a bit older and more able to take care of themselves.. 
dh and i had our first night alone in the house in 18 months this weekend, the kids stayed at my mums all night by themselves..it was bliss!! but i was happy to have them back snuggled up in their beds last night, and they both snuggled into ours with us this morning 
kj x


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Thank you everyone for all your advice and encouragement.   xxx

That has given me plenty to think about and research and should give us the best possible chance should we decide to have a go at being chosen to adopt these littlies.

We are not rushing the next step, it's a biggy and all too tempting to rush.

DH is so much better at stepping back and thinking carefully about it all than I am. In my head, their rooms are decorated and I'm taking them out to feed the ducks. We have a lovely little stream through the village where I will be able to do that 

love Bluebells xxxx


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## Nefe (Jan 6, 2008)

Hiya Bluebells

I find this post very interesting indeed as we were matched in March 09 and still awaiting things to be sorted out but have been asked whether we would like to adopt new babay brother too   . If it all goes to plan then there could be 12 months between the two!!

Will be calling on you lot for advice I am sure.

Nefe
xx


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Wow, that is really exciting Nefe 
Bluebells xx


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Hi

Well, it has become a competitive match for these 2 littlies  as the other couple who read the CPR are interested too. I'm not surprised, as they sound gorgeous.

Our SW rang today to say that their SW would like to make a home visit on Monday 1st June (if that suits us). It feels too soon, I want to have a clear out in the 2 rooms that would be theirs, as well as do some research of local things to do. Plus, our SW has said she could come out and see us and talk things through first, so that would be next week. She said it doesn't matter if we cannot do 1st June as they would arrange another date. Wondering if it is worth saying my DH has some work commitments on that day, so we have a bit more time. We want to give this our best shot and after such a long wait, do you think they would mind waiting a bit longer, or will they just say we can do 3rd June or something like that?

I've been a real emotional wreck today and am so busy at work (just done a 12 hour day) that I have been getting frustrated at how I am not at home and getting things sorted.

We are in the middle of decorating our hall and stairs at the moment too, so there is only underlay down on floor and telephone wires dangerously draped, not a very good first impression.

Some calming words of advice from you lovely FF ladies would be really appreciated.  I'm not sure how I'm going to sleep from now until the home visit. Our SW even said valium would be needed for it. Eek!

love Bluebells xxxx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Hiya

Firstly breathe 

In my personal opinion I would go with the date the sw has given you of 1st June. Purely as if it is a competetive match then I would want to seem ad keen as I could 
The sw will be coming to see you and not about the hall being decorated  
If you do your internet/local baby child groups etc then the sw can see you have made an effort. If you really want to get the bedrooms sorted then have a mad rush weekend and rope family/ friends in to help 

Goodluck 

Suzie x
Ps I am sure some of the others will disagree with me saying don't change date etc  just my personal opinion


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Hi

I agree with Suzie    If they did change the date then it would probably be two or three days later anyway so whats the point?  
I'd just try to get as much done as possible before they come - It's a couple of weeks, could you get a handyman in to finish anything you want done if you really feel the need to have it finished? then you can concentrate on finding out all that information  

We didn't have Munchkins bedroom ready when sw's visited, just a spare room that you could see needed sorting, they'll see past that if you can talk about what plans you do have, ie you'd want to wait to find out what the girls like before decorating it....

Good Luck and yes I agree with Suzie - Breathe  

xxxxxx


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## Boggy (Dec 13, 2006)

hello

I'd have to say I agree with Susie - SWer's diaries can be funny things - you might find they can't fit you in for a while and may visit the other couple much sooner.  They wouldn't expect your house to be ready - but will be pleased to see you have made a start.  

Bx


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## fiona1 (Feb 2, 2005)

I'm with the others, don't change the date, don't forget the child information service web site and Netmums, you will get local toddler groups etc off these.

Good Luck

Fiona


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Thanks so much everyone for your advice. I don't know what I'd do without you (((hugs)))
Will stick to 1st June and get a file of local toddlers groups sorted.
Is it necessary to have family book started too, or is that less important at this stage. Have not done until now, except take some photos, because wanted to tailor it to the children's ages.

love Bluebells xxxxx

P.S I am practising calm breathing.


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi hun

We didnt have our book done however wasnt a comp match.

Email your local CIS (children info services) via your local town website and they should post you out some info which will include toddler groups, HV "drop in's" ect and you will find most of the info you need with be there,

Net mums is fab as you can pop in your area/postcode and get a list of things about

good luck

xxxx


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Aswell as toddler groups etc you could try to get the contact details of your HV, so if they ask (we was) you can at least say you have that info  
If there is anything specific with these children health wise or anything in their background you could make sure you have books on the subject / print out stuff from internet etc to show you have done your research and are prepared for their needs  

I hate competitive matches   so unfair  (hoping yours is good news though!)


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Thanks MJ and Wynnster, some good ideas.

I have already been on CIS and printed out details of toddler groups and nurseries. Plus have got copy of newspaper for our town which has ads for loads of other activities.

Emailed CIS about HV etc, but if I don't hear from them, have a friend with 3 littlies I could ask.

I don't like the competitive matches either. Can't believe we have been waiting this long for a match and now…

Oh well, if I get all this info together, at least will have given best shot.

Bluebells xxxx


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Best of luck for today - Hope it goes well


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## magenta (Nov 2, 2004)

Sending up lots of prayers for a positive meeting today.

Magenta x


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Good luck with today

Just remember YOU CAN do this and be fab parents to 2 little ones

xxxx


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Thank you for your good luck messages 

We're both feeling very positive and the gorgeous weather is helping our mood.

No doubt will be a bit nervous by the time the meeting starts, but I know we can do it and we have done lots of preparation. 

love Bluebells
xxx


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

How did it go?


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Yes how did it go ? hope it went well 

x


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## Dee Jay (Jan 10, 2005)

Any news yet Bluebells? hope that the meeting went well
lol
D
xxx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Firstly big  to you 

I am sorry that the family finder was unsensitive etc  I am also not sure if it was her place to be going over your If issues etc as that was the job of your sw! 

Also you have to go with your hearts and heads on these children. I think it can take a stronger person to say no to a match and await the right one. You have to go with what is right for both of you 
When C was with us we took a couple of weeks to decide if we wanted to be asssessed to adopt him, even though he was already with us as a foster child , as we were foster carers and hadnt thought about adoption at that point. 

Is there anyone in your family/friend network you can talk to about the potential match , without giving them lots of info about the match? Just to talk through your feelings etc

Big big  to you 
xxx


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## Dee Jay (Jan 10, 2005)

Bluebells
have sent you a PM hun    
lol
Dxxx


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## Suzie (Jan 22, 2004)

Bluebells that might be a good idea, just to chat to someone else about the issues that have been raised

You must not feel guilty if you turn down this match hun  if you are not the right family for these little ones then there will be one 

x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Bluebells

So sorry you had such a terrible time with the family finder, I really don't think it was her place to do that!  Easy way of putting a stop to the IF questions is just to say you are on the pill, a lot of the children's SWs want to know you aren't ttc when they link you.

Sorry the info that has come to light has dampened your excitement, hope your friend can help you in making your decision.

We turned one match down due to the amount of issues, none of them out of our capabilities just too many altogether.  It was the hardest thing we'd done but it was definately the right thing to do.

I'm sure if these children aren't for you, you will find your family soon.
OT x


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Hi

Spoke to my Dh and he is not keen on talking to our friend (or me talking to her on my own), whether or not we decide to go for this match.

I am so confused now. I was so sure they aren't the right match for us (and in fact DH and I just said we might even tell our SW today). Now I'm thinking, are we being too picky. This really messes with your head. It's so confusing 

Bluebells x


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## emsina (May 23, 2005)

Been thinking of you, I'm sure you've made the right decision.  By the way you had a tough meeting there  .  If that's how they are, maybe you've have had a lucky escape, seeing as you would be working closely with them for many months!

Know how you're feeling right now, cause me and DH have been there.  Take some time out and be kind to yourselves.  It will get better.

Wishing you all the best  
emsina xx


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## bluebells (Apr 3, 2006)

Thanks Emsina. Your message means a lot. 
Bluebells x


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## wynnster (Jun 6, 2003)

Hi Bluebells

Yes we had a family finder like that    They played good cop bad cop (her and munchkins sw)  

So sorry to hear your news, why dont they give you the full facts before hand?  What a waste of everyones time let alone your emotions.

 To you and your dh, it is not easy turning down a match - Keep in there hunny


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