# Genetic testing concerns in the future after donor treatment



## snapfish (Dec 6, 2014)

Apple Orchard and Twinkle Toes and ... I can't see the post! I think the name was Shoe girl?

I just wanted to suggest a different perspective.  

I can understand that if you have a child already conceived with your own eggs, that you would not want a child conceived with ED to feel any different, and so you might conclude it's best to conceal their genetic origins and keep ED a secret. 

The trouble is that if the child finds out, now or in later life, that they are ED - and I think that there is a very strong likelihood of this given that the advances in DNA testing/how it's becoming part of everyday life, genetic family tree tracing etc - then the very fact that you have concealed the ED will make it seem as if it IS significant.

After all, if it wasn't significant, why would you hide it?

Another way to approach it might be to tell the children from the start, so they always know that one is ED and one isn't, but tell it in such a way that it is clear to them, as it is already to you, that this really is an irrelevant fact when it comes to love, and the way you feel about them as a family member.

I wonder if there is a parallel here in adoption?  I know many families with adopted children mixed in with natural births, and yet they muddle along as one big family, all accepting that ultimately it is the love between the family members that really matters when building a family.  No one tries to pretend that the adopted child has the same genetic origins as the other children. 

I suppose you could argue that other people might make your children feel ED was significant as they go through life?  But if you bring up the children to be strong and resilient then they should be able to fend off stupid comments from other people.  Also it means you will never have to live with the fear of this secret being exposed.

In my experience, by exposing a secret like this to the light from early on, it completely robs it of it's power and becomes one fact among many.  It's a hard thing to do at first, and takes courage, but once it's done, it's done.  And it's also an epic relief.


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

I hope u don't mind me posting here I've not used doner eggs/ sperm to conceive . My partner is infertile and I am researching / considering options . We may use DS we may not. Don't really want to tell if we do. 
I've noticed there is alot of reference in this thread to the child finding out through genetic testing. I understand that DNA testing IS possible now, obviously we've all watched JK  . But what I'm getting from reading this thread is that there seems to be a fear that suddenly in 20  years time the government is going to suddenly decide to spend million of pounds launching mass genetic testing on the population for what......?? I'm confused as to how or why this would ever become routine. For what reason would the govt do this?? Surely its completely against human rights too. 
Just curious really if anyone has info on this id b grateful
Best wishes
Xxxxx


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Kayla-jade it's not about the goverment doing any of that as they don't have money to waste on experiments, what the OP is saying is that say for example your child is DNA tested due to some illness and it suddenly becomes known you bear no genetic relationship what effect that could have on your child, you can also send DNA off yourself to find unknown ancestors etc so with all the technology available who knows how easily it could be exposed in the future. 

I totally understand fears about outsiders and not wanting to be stigmatised in communities I hope by disclosing myself that I am doing my bit to help women of the future not to have to face stigma


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## Marmot (Aug 6, 2009)

Kayla-Jade - my best guess is that in the future there will be a much increased understanding of the genetic basis for some health conditions and that particular genes will be understood to increase risk. In a family you might have a predisposition to heart disease or dementia or certain cancers. And there might be preventative medication or lifestyle changes that would be recommended for those with those elevated risks. But a donor-conceived child would have a different genetic heritage and their risks would likely be different. That's my assumption anyway. 

I didn't see the original thread but we had embryo transfer yesterday having used an egg donor and we already have a naturally conceived son. If we are lucky enough to be successful and have a sibling for him I hope our everyday actions will show we love them both (as I am sure we will). Having a child with an egg and/or sperm donor is not an easy process so I also hope that itself will show how much they were wanted. The very opposite of an 'accidental' pregnancy!


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Marmot good luck really hope you have your longed for sibling and yes you're right genes are just that: genes   you will love that baby more than life itself, I only struggled for a short while after having the boys due to hormonal guilt of will they understand all of this etc?? Once I had a long list of info about him from my clinic I didn't really give it much thought x ps I'm a single mum who used donor sperm btw


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Blondie I've just seen on ancestory.com yes your right. U can send DNA  off and find ancestors. I didn't realise this was possible. This could be really hard for people not in a position to be open with their child. With myself telling wouldn't be a viable option.  I feel upset that for all we've suffered with our infertility we cant just have a normal life with our potential child  
Thanks anyway for the info 

/links


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## bombsh3ll (Apr 19, 2012)

Kayla-jade,

I can honestly say that the possibility in the future of my daughter sending spit, or hair, or whatever is required to some company on the internet, & finding out that she, like me, shares common ancestry with half the Caucasian population of Europe, is not on my worry list at all  

Everyone's situation and circumstances are different and what is right for one family is not necessarily right for all.

Fertile women pass their children off as the wrong father's offspring left right and centre, there unfortunately seems to be an additional layer of judgement when it comes to people with infertility, yet I am sure none of us who have to go to much more difficult, traumatic and expensive measures to become parents make the decisions we have lightly.

Best wishes,

B xxx


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## Blondie71 (Oct 26, 2011)

Kayla-jade you do what feels right for you and don't let these discussions freak you out they are purely for info purposes so we are all aware of the challenges of using donors, if telling is not a viable option that is fine too so long as you inform yourself well so you can cross any bridge that comes up later on, listen I think any child will know you loved and wanted them so desperately that you did what you had to do, obviously for those in circumstances where telling is not an issue then yes being straightforward with a child is easier from as young as poss x


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