# 43 and i want a baby so badly,but have not been able to get pregnant



## BETTYBOO831 (Jun 28, 2011)

I am really depressed as i have not been able to fall pregnant for 22 years.I am remarried and would love to have a baby.I cry all the time,I even get upset when i see pregnant women and new born babies.and i am always looking at baby stuff to buy.Could anyone let me know about ivf and the cost Please please if anyone can tell me anything as i am not getting any younger.many thanks to all.


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

Oh Betty Boo
Sending hugs X
Its difficult to advise you as I dont know what your problems are, after 22 years of trying, you must have had some medical advice or a diagnosis?
If you havent, you should straight away, go and see your doc.
As long as everything is healthy,( uterus etc) you may be able to carry a baby of your own with help. At 43, the odds are against you for having a baby with your own eggs, but it would be perfectly possible to try donor eggs and fertilize with your partners sperm and you carry the baby.
IVF is expensive. Everything about it is expensive! An avergae cycle of IVF in the UK with your own eggs is around £5000, at 43, the odds of success are around 2% ( 98% failure) so its not good. If you try donor eggs, a cycle in the UK is around £6000-£10,000 and the waiting list is 6months to 2 years. But the success rate increases to around 50%, so much better odds. To cut down the wait time, many ladies go overseas for donor egg treatment as there are no wait times overseas. But there are increased costs of flights, accommodation etc. The cost is the same as UK ( approx). You have to do research and read what is best for you. If you are real sure you want a baby, do something about it now- dont wait, time is ticking away and every month counts at your age ( sigh!)!
Channel all your energy into researching the subject and finding out your problems, and you may be able to make your dream come true. ( The NHS is very slow- the only way to speed things up is to pay privately)
Good luck
Lily xx


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

Hi Lindz

Its nice to hear your story, Im sure you can get pregnant once you try again with donor eggs,( or embryo adoption) the percentage is much higher. All you can do is keep trying! It would be such a shame  to give up now, you have come so far, and learned so much....
Try to stay positive, you really have to wipe off the record all the own eggs attempts and say you are starting again with donor, which is kind of true.
Good luck good luck!!
Lily XXX


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## BETTYBOO831 (Jun 28, 2011)

Thanks Lily and lindz,I had lots of test done,and have been told they don't know why i am unable to fall pregnant.But because of my age now i think i will need donor eggs,as i am still having regular periods,but they say i have started the menopause now.Nothing is going right for me,I can't sleep for thinking about having a baby.My poor hubby is going through hell with me and if i was him i would not wanna be with me,as i am so stressed,just to have a baby in my arms would mean everything to me.Money is hard to come by,but hey ho in this world you have to pay for everything.Yes they do give 1 or 2 free cycles on the nhs,but they have an age limit.I would pay a million pounds just to hold a little miracle in my arms,but i don't have that sort of money.Myself and hubby work and we can surport our home and family.I sometimes want to scream,because there are people out there,that don't understand the pain inside us women feel not being able to fall pregnant.My sister had a baby in 2008 and when i held him,i started to cry and she said why are you crying it is just a baby,and i said yes but it is something i cant have.I guess i need to save quick or just say i have come to the end of the road.Thanks for listening xx


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

bettyboo

anything is possible,  as a last resort if donor eggs didnt work-you could even find a surrogate, but you would have to find the money to pay ( about £10,000) - I dont want to get you into financial trouble but you could borrow the money- people borrow money for home improvements all the time- surrogacy is no different- you would be improving your home with a baby!!......  
sell everything, do boot sales,! sell your dog!, do what you can and scrape the money together- it may help you get your dream...at least you can say you tried X
Lily xx


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## cathyyarrow (Apr 17, 2011)

Hello there I'm 41 and been trying for 5 years more recently been privately and wish is done that years ago ...I've had two sets of tests done that you don't get on the nhs and though they arent cheap they have revealed that there are treatable things I have wrong with me that are likely to be the cause of me not getting pregnant ... So been through 3 cycles of ivf through nhs (paid for two of them)without knowing they'd have had little or no chance of working .. if I'd have chosen to use donor eggs that probably wouldn't have worked either ... so just agreeing with previous note in that you should definitely get a diagnosis ... though if the nhs don't find anything obvious then it could be worth having private tests before starting ivf (if that's what you choose to do) ... Good luck it is really horrible ... keep talking to people in a similar position cos it can be really alienating xxx Cathy


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## pmc (Nov 15, 2010)

Its a really hard situation to go through, I know how it feels. Trying to get pregnant for 10 years, 2 failed ivf treatments and a miscarriage. The advice on here is amazing and has helped me loads by reading alot of the posts and asking questions myself.

Bettyboo, what were the tests you had done privately? I will be interested to find out, because apparantly my eggs have been fine and so is my husbands sperm and also my uterus etc, but I can get pregnant?

Cathy, take on board all the advice you have been given by Lily, betty, Linz and Rosie it is priceless. I will never forget what my consultant told me a few weeks ago. She said, 'never ever give up, one day you will know when that time comes, but in the meantime keep trying and stay positive'  

Take care.


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## lily17 (Sep 25, 2008)

Rosie rose, whats the clinic called?

Lily xx


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## Ali Cachia (Mar 17, 2011)

Betty boo and everyone....... I'm 43 and am finally 21 weeks pregnant. My sister donated me her eggs. I had 5 previous ivf cycles, am completely scint now but happy! Never give up. Where there's a will there is a way. When i was on mu twenties i was told by a heartless dr that i'd never have children. I had panic attacks and had to be given morphin to calm me down! I have been trying ever since! Please do lpok into mpre tests. I live on malta now and had my yreatment in london at the crgh clinic. Brilliant clinic. Don't give up sweetie. You have to pass many trees to get through aforest, take it a tree at a time and eventually you'll get there. Xxxxxxx


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## BETTYBOO831 (Jun 28, 2011)

Thank you all for your lovely messages,I am still trying to get help,but i am not getting any younger.I cry everyday wishing i could have a baby.It is the saving that is taking so long as ivf is is not cheap.I will let everyone know if we finally get the money to get started.love to all xx


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