# Barely started journey and I'm on my own - can't cope



## 4paws (Aug 13, 2010)

Not a very positive first post but I can't find any threads which resemble my position.

History - mother part of the first successful IVF trials (secondary infertility after me). God knows what it must have been like then but no luck for her and I remained an only one. Don't underestimate the effect that can have on the existing kid but that's another story.

After trying for 18 months after getting married in 2007 I saw history repeating and went to the doctor for a referral. Lap & dye showed damaged tubes but they scraped and the next dye test showed they were serviceable. Hormone imbalances also causing bleeding around day 17 but also controlled by prog pessaries. MF issues prob helped by highly stressful job and alcohol. 

This brings me on to my real problem. DH and I run a company together that requires an incredible amount of work and resultant stress. I used to have other interests and goals in life which have now all been supplanted by work. DH is a good person but think of a 1950's husband as portrayed in the films and you're close. The effort it took to get one sperm test was ridiculous. I've no idea if he really wants to have children or not - modern ideas about talking things through just don't apply here. The general thread is that we're just not quite comfortable enough yet to invest time and money in this.

I'm totally on my own and feeling like its easier to give up now and not chase any goals anymore - it's just too emotionally crushing. How do you think I could cope with a failed treatment?!

Any thoughts appreciated.


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## Every cloud.... (Mar 29, 2010)

Hi 4Paws

Life can be very unfair at times for some!

One thing that struck me when I read your post, and I'll apologise now if this offends, but are you in love with DH? 

If you are, well then you, firstly, need to decide what your priorities are...work, family or a balance of all, including a life you want.

If you can't imagine life with DH in 10 years then perhaps you need to think about following your dreams...

After 3 failed DEIVF I can tell you, that even with a supportive partner, friends and family, it's a heartbreaking experience. Without some support from the person that should matter most I can't imagine what it must be like.

Cloud


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## 4paws (Aug 13, 2010)

Hi Cloud

Thanks for the reply. I do love him, and I know he loves me too, but I am totally trapped by the work situation we're in. It would be lovely, as you say, to 'decide what my priorities are' but I don't have the power to do that.  Do most people? Maybe I'm missing something. 

I didn't mention but my job involves creating beautiful family houses for couples generally around my age. Never mind baby dust, the ladies here should become my clients - without exception every one of them has conceived since I started working for them, even one who thought she couldn't. I even bumped into another in hospital who'd come to give birth to no 4 as I was going in for my lap & dye. It's rather hard to imagine spending the rest of my childless days doing this!

It feels like I have to accept that if he doesn't want to support me in this maybe there is something more fundamental wrong - but it's nothing I have control over.


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## joannajoanna (Sep 9, 2009)

Oh 4paws,    . Might you consider counselling to try to work through this? It sounds as though there are so many issues for you tied up in this decision. Your clinic may be able to help - they often have a counselling service, or would be able to suggest one. I think you're really right to be asking those questions but perhaps an experienced third person would help you to work out the right answers for you. xx


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