# My first post^



## jayaycee (May 13, 2007)

My DH and I have been ttc for a year and a half.  I'm 34 and it has always been my dream (like many of you, I'm sure) to become a mother.  I always thought in the back of my mind, "What if I can't have kids?".  I don't know why I had that thought, but now it seems so real.  

Every month for the past year and a half has been so scary waiting to see if I would start AF, and every month I have been disappointed.  We both got tested and are both fine, which means we are in the "unexplained" category.  

We started our first cycle of IUI on April 16th.  I took Clomid, a subcutaneous shot of Repronex (which, it turns out, I am allergic to it in my stomach, so I will need to have the shot intramusculatory), an HCG shot to trigger ovulation, and the actual IUI on May 1st.  

I really had high hopes for this.  So imagine the sadness and disappointment when I started my period today!!     I have had many breakdowns today, and I know it's just the beginning.  To top it all off, my DH is on a business trip this week, so I feel all alone.  Why does this have to be so hard?

So...we have to start all over again, and I will have my premedication ultrasound on Wednesday.  Here we go again.

Also, doesn't it seem like everyone around you is getting pregnant?  At one point I had 7 girls very close to me pregnant!!  Of course, I had to be "happy" for them, but deep down inside I was jealous and angry.  THEN during this year and a half of trying, one of my girlfriends has gotten pregnant twice!!  She had her baby and almost immediately got pregnant (unfortunately, the 2nd ended in MC  ).  I hate feeling all these rollercoaster emotions.   Sometimes I feel like I'm obsessed...like having a baby is ALL I can think about.    

I just joined FF a couple of days ago, and I do find some comfort in knowing that I am not alone.  

Good luck  and baby dust   to everyone.    Thanks for reading.


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## MissTC (May 8, 2006)

Hi there *jayaycee*, and a huge  to Fertility Friends hunnie

I am so sorry your IUI has failed  Infertility is such a rollercoaster of emotions, with many more lows than highs - I personally think that we have to persevere and persevere and eventually we will get our dream  and become stronger people along the way. The key to success I reckon is to remain as positive as you can     Although, believe me, after 10 years TTC and 3 failed cycles of IVF, I know just how hard it is not to lose hope! We will get there in the end though hunnie

Here are a few links for you to have a look at - feel free to post wherever you like on the boards - just jump right in and introduce yourself hun, you will get lots of advice, support and understanding 

For IUI General Chitchat *CLICK HERE**

For Clomid Girls CLICK HERE

For Unexplained Infertility CLICK HERE

For Negative Cycle CLICK HERE

We also have a fantastic chatroom - it is often good to talk to people who really understand you  Every Friday night is NEWBIE NIGHT in the chatroom, and Dizzi Squirrel, Kate and I will be in there from 8pm to 9pm to show new members the ropes and answer any questions. I hope you can join us. Don't worry if you can't make it - if you want some help just send Dizzi Squirrel  or myself a personal message and we can arrange a short one2one session with you.



Take good care hun, and lots of luck for your scan tomorrow     

Love and 
Tracy
x*


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## jkw (May 5, 2007)

Hi there jayaycee & welcome to ff! 

Sorry to hear about your disappointment with the arrival of AF. It's always a bit disheartening, and like you say, the rollercoaster of emotions can be difficult to contend with. I've found a lot of great advice, information and support from ff, and I'm sure you will too. My DH works away quite a bit, so I can sympathise with how you're feeling at the moment without him. If you ever need a good ear or a shoulder to cry on, I'll be here for you. Best of luck with your next cycle of treatment.

Hope to see you around soon!

J xx


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## jayaycee (May 13, 2007)

Thank you jkw!  I appreciate the support!  We'll see what happens.  There are times when I wonder if we should even be doing all this.  Should I just let nature take its course and see what happens?  It just was so disappointing because I really had high hopes.  I know I've only had 1 cycle of IUI, but I seem to be more devastated getting my AF this month.    I don't know if I can do it again, you know?

Thank you again!


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi jayaycee and welcome to the site 

Sorry to hear of what you have been through but you have come to a fantasic site full of advice and support and you have been left some great links to try out.

I wish you loads of luck with everything.

Kate xx​


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## MummyP (Jan 24, 2007)

Hi Jayaycee,

You are soooo not alone, I think about babies like the average male in the Guinness adverts thinks about sex (every four minutes)!!!! However, you would never know it, which I don't think is healthy in itself!!? I'm sending you lots of     and hope we on FF can ease your sadness, even for a few minutes a day.

Take care MummyP


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## icky (Oct 6, 2005)

Hello and welcocme 

so glad you have found FF, it certainly has been a source of help, support and comfort for me.  IF is a rollercoaster and on here you have friends who know what you are going through.  whatever time of day or night you need a comforting or supportive word you will find someone on line.
Hope we have helped you even a little bit

Icky xxx


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## smallfish (May 13, 2007)

Hey jayaycee

Your feelings are certainly normal as far as I'm concerned *hugs* There are some really great people on this site, and they'll manage to get you through.

Always here if you want a chat/ rant/ ear.  

Take care



xxxxx


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## noodlez (Feb 10, 2007)

Hi jayaycee and welcome <a href="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fwww.smileycentral.com%252F%253Fpartner%253DZSzeb008%255FZNxdm824YYGB%2526i%253D36%252F36%255F1%255F39%2526feat%253Dprof/page.html" target="_blank">








Sorry to hear that the IUI failed hun. You're not on you're own either about thinking about babies. I work in a childrens hospital and babies is all I see everyday!!!!! It can be really frustrating.
Everyone here will give you loads of advice hun and everyone is really friendly.
Wishing you lots of luck.
Love Noodlez.xx


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## Camly (Dec 12, 2006)

hi jayaycee

just wanted to say how sorry i was to hear your treatment didnt work.   

i understand where u are coming from when u say that you think about babies all the time. i am like you - i have about 5 friends that are pg just now. my friend is due her 2nd baby in july and her 1st boy has just turned 1! its hard not to be upset when u hear the news and how u have to put on a brave face.  my dh works away most weeks too and thats part of the reason we have had to delay proceeding with tx (which in a way was a blessing because i had to have tx for an abnormal smear and have to wait until sept before going ahead with ivf/icsi).

hopefully all here at FF will be able to offer you some support.

take care.

lots of love camly xxxxx


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## Guest (May 17, 2007)

Hi ,
just wanted to say, sorry it didn't work for you this time.

I'm 34 too, 35 in November (argh!!!)I'm scared that this won't happen before it's too late. How come you have had IUI if both you and your DH are both fine?Whar tests have you had?I'm only asking because I'm not sure what the nest step for us is now?Hope you feel ready for the next step soon.

Nikki


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## jayaycee (May 13, 2007)

Hi Nikki,

I did the HSG test (dye), blood tests and my husband did blood test and spermanalysis.  The doctor told us we are in the "unexplained" infertility category because everything checked out fine.  I think she decided to go the IUI w/medication route because of my age (I turn 35 in December).  And believe me, I'm fine with the doctor being more aggressive because I would like to have more than 1 and w/my age, I'm a little nervous I can't.

Good luck to you!!


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