# jealousy, sadness and counselling



## carrie lou (May 16, 2006)

I posted before a little while ago but it seems these thoughts won't stop going round and round in my head...


We are very fortunate to have a beautiful little boy conceived through DIUI but I feel strongly that I want another baby. Every time I hear of another woman getting pregnant, I think "Why not me? It's not fair" etc etc etc. It's even worse when they have a child around my little one's age. I find myself calculating what age gap they will have and having to accept we will have a much bigger gap than that because of having to go through treatment again. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy. I try to tell myself I'm being a good mum by concentrating on DS for now and when we eventually do have another, he will be old enough to cope better with the change. But I still feel so sad to think that it will be such a long and difficult road ahead.


It's not even as if I can start treatment again yet because I'm still BFing and haven't had AF return. 


I've been talking to a counsellor about some of the feelings I've been having but I don't find it very useful. I think because she is a general counsellor rather than a fertility one, she really doesn't understand a lot of my issues. 


Sorry if this doesn't make much sense - just feel like I need to get it all off my chest. Any tips on how to deal with the jealousy and feelings about  other pregnant women?


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## twinkle29 (Mar 12, 2010)

I feel for you and in a way totally understand where your coming from.


We have been blessed with ds conceived by ICSI in 2010. We are looking to have another go may next year and I'm terrified. I get so jealous of my mummy friends talking about ttc-ing again and it rips my heart to know they are likely to have a successful pregnancy and have a sibling, with few issues. I'm so scared that it won't work again and then have to be happy for my friends. It is jealousy and the only way I can push those thoughts out of my head is to remember how blessed we are with ds. 


We haven't spoken about what happens if it doesn't work. All our friends and family (and to some extent oh) think its a given that it will work again. I feel soooooo much pressure and have to correct them saying 'if we are lucky enough...."


I can't influence the future for my benefit but will give it a bloomin good go and make it work again, but I wish all those people with "helpful" comments would bog off.


I have no wise words apart from I think it's a case of dealing with it as and when it happens. Rubbish I know


Lots of hugs xx


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## sparklet (Feb 8, 2009)

Hi Carrie Lou
I have no advice for you sorry, but am sending you     xx


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## Rachel15 (Dec 4, 2012)

I feel exactly the same.  My little boy is nearly two now (conceived by IUI).  I am surrounded by my mummy friends (who did not know me before I had my boy) who all seem to be pregnant or have already had number two.  Some ask outright, when are you going to have a second and I have to say "we had treatment to get T, so not sure if we will manage again....." .  They then all have a tale of a friend who had IVF and who got pregnant naturally or say never mind one is nice!!

A few years ago I would have said I would be happy with one.  And I am happy with one, but would love another if we are blessed with one.  Recently had one IUI treatment which was not successful.  Doesn't help that I am nearly 40.

I breastfed T to 21 months.  AF returned at one year but gave up breastfeeding completely on advice of consultant before embarking on IUI.  

Good Luck xx


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## carrie lou (May 16, 2006)

Thanks for all your replies.


I just get so down sometimes... One of my mummy friends just announced she is 16 weeks pregnant with her 2nd baby - her eldest is even younger than my little boy  and another mummy friend has just given birth to her 2nd; her eldest was born the same week as DS. I feel like I'm getting left behind  DS is 18 months now and I always assumed I would be pregnant again by this point. I wanted an age gap of around 2.5 years; doesn't look like that's going to happen. I smile and try to be pleased for these other ladies, but inside it feels as if I've been kicked in the stomach every time I hear one of these announcements.


I know I should be grateful for DS and I am - I just want to give him a little brother or sister. I don't want him to grow up an only child. Also I really want to be pregnant again; it was such a special time feeling him kick inside me, getting the nursery ready, choosing things for him. It was the happiest time of my life. When I think that I might never experience that again, it makes me want to cry    


Good luck to everyone having treatment


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## sabah m (Jul 11, 2008)

carrie I just want to send you a big big hug     The things you said were all things i felt too, calculating age gaps and comparing, anger rage and jealousy when someone announced their pregnancy, pain that my son might be an only child with no one to grow up with....after my first BFN I felt like I had failed Noah so much I used to avoid seeing him, I used to work late and avoid getting home before his bedtime....it hurt too much to look at him....but despite all this agony, that was not my future, it was just my present back then....hope this makes sense, you're a mum of one beautiful boy just now but that does not define your future.....enjoy every moment, be in the moment, tomorrow will come soon enough xxxxx


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## JW3 (Apr 7, 2008)

I have gone back to work full time because I no longer want to see any pregnant ladies (can't even totally escape at work but at least there's less      )


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