# Meeting birth Mother



## Nicola30 (Jun 13, 2011)

Hi guys,

I'm meeting BM in a few weeks and I need to submit questions to my SW beforehand.

I've got the usual - why did you choose that name, pregnancy related questions etc but then all of my others are around the BM: does she have any hobbies, is she artistic, favourite foods, hopes for the munchkin...

Im sure a few of you must have met a birth parent at some point and was looking for guidance, inspiration, stories (good or bad) and anything else I should probably ask?

😕


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## Tictoc (Aug 20, 2015)

When we met BM it really was just all the stuff you have mentioned above. We have an unknown Birth father so we did ask about who she thought it was and his ethnicity. Our SW told us BM's will often say more to the adoptive parents than they did to SW.

Really it was just an eye opener to really realise this was just a child with no one looking out for her and she was doing the best she could but it just wasn't good enough. Now when she makes trouble with court etc I have more sympathy for her situation.

Good luck


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## Lorella (Jan 10, 2013)

Just a little thing but my SW liked it and I think it will nice for the future.....I bought two cards the same and inside one I wrote LO settling in letter. In the other, after the meeting I wrote up the meeting and put a copy of the settling in letter inside. It's in LO box of things to read in the future. I thought it would be nice to say to LO that her BM had the same card. X


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## Nicola30 (Jun 13, 2011)

She's already been home almost a year, it's never been deemed appropriate for us to meet but she was told last year to implement some things and stick to them and we would look at meeting now. She's kept her side of the deal so im pleased to be meeting her.
She's always been fair, she never caused any trouble with the court etc, and I have real empathy for her.

I like the idea of giving her something and keeping the same for my munchkin. 

I'm mostly wanting to know about her personality and who she is 😊

Thanks girls x


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## Vford (Feb 15, 2016)

If I adopt, I'd find it hard meeting the birth mother personally.  I suppose in some cases it's needed, but normally it's letters maybe twice a year to the agency and then passed on to the BM!


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## -x-Lolly-x- (Feb 3, 2012)

We met with BD and BM about 4 months into placement. He was quiet and sullen but a troubled soul from a difficult background. She was a child in a woman's body who liked to tell us how she dyed her hair purple. It was surreal but so beneficial. I understand my daughters story better because of it and they were reassured she is safe and loved. It was over in 30 minutes. We have pictures of the four of us together. We are all smiling. I would really not like any form of ongoing direct contact but I am so so glad we had our meeting. Good luck


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## Nicola30 (Jun 13, 2011)

Thanks Lolly! Would definitely be a one-off.

Vford, if you adopt you get to learn a lot more about these types of meetings and how beneficial they can be. But each to their own 😐


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