# Donor Eggs? Why Did you do it?



## Melissa87 (9 mo ago)

Hi! So I had my DD on my first ever transfer she was born in October 2019. Before she was born I wanted a sibling and it's been nearly 3 years. This is what has happened to me 

1. One surgery to repair my c section 
2. 5 high-quality blasts have been transferred and failed (one was PGS tested)
3. 1 MC 
4. 1 D &C 
5. Polyps have been removed twice through hysterscopy 
6. 2 transfers were cancelled due to a thin lining
7. 1 transfer was cancelled due to a UTI 
8. 2 transfers were cancelled due to fluid 

Now I am doing another sono to look for polyps. I am 34 turning 35 and I have two more day 6 PGS tested emrbyos one day 6 mosiac and one day 6 inconclusive left. 

I would LOVE to have my own biological kids but I am frusterated. My husband has normal sperm and I have normal AMH but like so many apparently good embryos have failed I cant help but wonder if money would be better spent using a donnor several years younger then me. I feel really bad because my daughter is watching her friends moms have babies and shes asks all the time, and because I have been trying for so long I am struggling. We wanted a big family and I feel it slipping away. Emotionally I can accept using a donnor because I am more interested in ensuring I have kids. I still will view myself as the biological mother. I don't know I just wondered what pushed others towards donnor eggs? 

Also did anyone do it aboard? prices are kinda high and some of this is wanting to put myself in the best possible situation to have success. I would love to have a donnor that was open and proven (like had donated to others successfully)


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## Positive20 (Feb 1, 2020)

Hi Melissa.

“Emotionally I can accept using a donnor because I am more interested in ensuring I have kids.”

My reasons exactly. Xx


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## Melissa87 (9 mo ago)

@Positive20 has it worked out?


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## inquisitivehusband (7 mo ago)

We're looking for similar reasons - we're struggling to conceive with my wife's own eggs but she's (and I'm still in awe of this) said that she's happy to use donor eggs to let me have a child with a biological connection to me and is willing to carry the pregnancy as she wants the experience and connection to the child. We are going to try IVF one or two more times before going for donor eggs but those are our reasons.


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## Cmcl75 (Nov 29, 2017)

My husband and I are both 46 with a biological son who is 20 and a DD son who is 22 months. There was quite a bit of time between trying to have more children due a serious illness in our family, in which I was the caretaker. We started the IVF process at 41 (my husband was fine, I had very low AMH by that time) trying to wrap our heads around the donor possibility and not having a genetic connection to our child. All of that went out the window when we successfully conceived and delivered our baby. Our attachment and love for him cannot be put into words.


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## Melissa87 (9 mo ago)

inquisitivehusband said:


> We're looking for similar reasons - we're struggling to conceive with my wife's own eggs but she's (and I'm still in awe of this) said that she's happy to use donor eggs to let me have a child with a biological connection to me and is willing to carry the pregnancy as she wants the experience and connection to the child. We are going to try IVF one or two more times before going for donor eggs but those are our reasons.


Its so similar for me. I think you just get to a point where you just want a baby. Donor eggs still give you 2/3 of the reasons for wanting a child, you get to pass on your husbands genes and can experience the bond related to being pregnant. We are in a similar boat I have two more genetically normal embryos to transfer and two others that have been declared mosiac and inconclusive then I would only do one more cycle. I really just don't want to wait. Also its expensive. Have you been told you need donor eggs? I haven't but its been such a struggle I am really surprised at why


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## Melissa87 (9 mo ago)

Cmcl75 said:


> d the IVF process at 41 (my husband was fine, I had very low AMH by that time) trying to wrap our heads around the donor possibility and not having a genetic connection to our child. All of that went out the window when we successfully conceived and delivered our baby. Our attachment and love for him cannot be put into words.


 Did you find any difference with having one biological son first? I would be in the same situation that way as well


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## Cmcl75 (Nov 29, 2017)

I can honestly say no…we’re actually going back to Gennet trying to conceive one more. We’ve had the opportunity to raise an “only child.” We’d like to be able to give our second child a sibling closer to his age and living with us as our oldest son is already “adulting.“ 
The feelings are the absolute same…for us even more intense with our second child because there was no guarantee at our age that we would be able to have another in any capacity. I went through two pretty tough twin miscarriages before we decided to put back only one. He is living proof that the best surprises can come later in life. People never question anything either because he looks so much like my husband. We chose donor characteristics that most mimic ourselves…or as close as possible. We wake up everyday looking forward to what he’s going to learn today.


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## Melissa87 (9 mo ago)

@Cmcl75 Thats amazing ! Would you recommend Gennet? Was it an open donor or it is anonymous?


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## Cmcl75 (Nov 29, 2017)

I definitely would. Dr. Sestinova and Michaela are very straightforward and wonderful. Long story short, my husband is a pharmacist in the US Navy, and were stationed in Guam when all of this began. We’re now in Italy…on our last three year tour before retiring back in the US. I started using Zlin…also in Czech Republic…it is an amazing clinic in its own right and I liked that they had a clinic/ hotel combination. From Guam, it was such a long trip anyway, but after landing in Vienna or Prague, getting on busses and trains left me feeling exhausted before we began…it was 33 hours for me to reach Zlin from Guam. Ultimately, my third and successful try was at Gennet…easier for me to just fly directly into Prague and their lab capabilities sold me. With that said, I have had two unsuccessful tries at Gennet (one eight months ago and one two months ago). I know this is a numbers game sometimes…everything has to line up perfectly…the medication, your endometrium receptivity, etc) Literally have an online meeting with Dr. Sestinova to discuss next steps this week. I am happy to answer any questions I can. There are many women on this site who helped me figure out all of these IVF options. In the Czech Republic, donor IVF is anonymous and there is no gender selection. Different countries have different rules, but the CR has high success rates.


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## Melissa87 (9 mo ago)

@Cmcl75 Thank you! I am still figuring it all out but I for sure will look into the CR. How old are the donors?


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## inquisitivehusband (7 mo ago)

Melissa87 said:


> Its so similar for me. I think you just get to a point where you just want a baby. Donor eggs still give you 2/3 of the reasons for wanting a child, you get to pass on your husbands genes and can experience the bond related to being pregnant. We are in a similar boat I have two more genetically normal embryos to transfer and two others that have been declared mosiac and inconclusive then I would only do one more cycle. I really just don't want to wait. Also its expensive. Have you been told you need donor eggs? I haven't but its been such a struggle I am really surprised at why


We've not been told definitively that we need donor eggs but it feels like age, AMH and FSH indicate that it's close. Trying all the supplementation from It Starts With the Egg book, then going to try IVF again, abroad possibly, and see how we go. It's expensive and slow, as you mention, but we're bracing ourselves for a bumpy ride and will see where we are in a year. Fortunately donor eggs are not so time sensitive which makes the decision a bit easier, although my wife's South East Asian ethnicity makes sourcing such eggs a bit harder here in Europe. We'll see!

Wishing you all the best and feel free to message me if I can be of any help.


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## inquisitivehusband (7 mo ago)

Cmcl75 said:


> a DD son who is 22 months


apologies - what is 'DD'? donor something? thanks!


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## Cmcl75 (Nov 29, 2017)

Double donor…both sperm and egg.


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## Cmcl75 (Nov 29, 2017)

Melissa87 said:


> @Cmcl75 Thank you! I am still figuring it all out but I for sure will look into the CR. How old are the donors?


All clinics have their rules about donors and scan pretty carefully. Both were well under 30. We are now at a place where our egg donor is no longer available but our sperm donor still is…so hopefully a genetic half-sibling for our son…but for us it’s more about that this donor worked well for my body.


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## Melissa87 (9 mo ago)

@Cmcl75 It's definitely tempting to do whatever possible to avoid American prices and Canada has its issues too!


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## Melissa87 (9 mo ago)

Cmcl75 said:


> All clinics have their rules about donors and scan pretty carefully. Both were well under 30. We are now at a place where our egg donor is no longer available but our sperm donor still is…so hopefully a genetic half-sibling for our son…but for us it’s more about that this donor worked well for my body.


That is awesome that you at least have half! Did you get a lot of embryos ?


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## Melissa87 (9 mo ago)

inquisitivehusband said:


> We've not been told definitively that we need donor eggs but it feels like age, AMH and FSH indicate that it's close. Trying all the supplementation from It Starts With the Egg book, then going to try IVF again, abroad possibly, and see how we go. It's expensive and slow, as you mention, but we're bracing ourselves for a bumpy ride and will see where we are in a year. Fortunately donor eggs are not so time sensitive which makes the decision a bit easier, although my wife's South East Asian ethnicity makes sourcing such eggs a bit harder here in Europe. We'll see!
> 
> Wishing you all the best and feel free to message me if I can be of any help.


It's similar for me. I am not there per say but there are problems clearly. So frustrating! Message me if I can be any help or you want to know anything about North American clinics. Although I would look in Europe for sure. I think we are considering going abroad as well


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## PDream1980 (Oct 21, 2021)

Cmcl75 said:


> I can honestly say no…we’re actually going back to Gennet trying to conceive one more. We’ve had the opportunity to raise an “only child.” We’d like to be able to give our second child a sibling closer to his age and living with us as our oldest son is already “adulting.“
> The feelings are the absolute same…for us even more intense with our second child because there was no guarantee at our age that we would be able to have another in any capacity. I went through two pretty tough twin miscarriages before we decided to put back only one. He is living proof that the best surprises can come later in life. People never question anything either because he looks so much like my husband. We chose donor characteristics that most mimic ourselves…or as close as possible. We wake up everyday looking forward to what he’s going to learn today.


❤❤❤❤❤❤


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## Cmcl75 (Nov 29, 2017)

Melissa87 said:


> That is awesome that you at least have half! Did you get a lot of embryos ?


Ok, so we do not do fresh embryo transfers where you have an egg collection, sperm collection, and develop an embryo batch that results in X amount of embryos…we do frozen embryo transfers. Our clinic has donors that have samples at the clinic and when I need one, I schedule it so that I can go and get a transfer that lines up with my cycle and fly out the next day or whenever. We could do a fresh cycle with specific donors that I guess could result in multiple embryos, but I didn’t know how this would work out…and didn’t want any left over…that is just our situation. There are so many viewpoints and situations. Everyone has to figure out what works best for them. Hope this helps.


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## Melissa87 (9 mo ago)

@Cmcl75 that is something to think about for sure! Not wanting to have leftover embryos!


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## Cmcl75 (Nov 29, 2017)

Melissa87 said:


> @Cmcl75 It's definitely tempting to do whatever possible to avoid American prices and Canada has its issues too!


Yes it is. In the US, IVF is almost unaffordable, especially with donor eggs and the understanding that it may take several tries before success. In the US it’s called embryo adoption, and depending on what state a person is in, it involves lawyers as well because it is, in essence, adoption. I was relieved to find such amazing, state-of-the-art, affordable care in the Czech Republic. In the US, even with a discounted military cost at a military facility (Tripler in Hawaii) that does IVF as a peripheral service, they quoted us 13K dollars for three attempts and I had to supply my own donor embryos, which can be upwards of 20K dollars. We were floored.


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## Melissa87 (9 mo ago)

@Cmcl75 It is and Canadian prices aren't much better. I want to look into donnor eggs abroad for that reason for sure. It is super inconvenient but for donor eggs it's worth it.


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## Nova35 (Oct 8, 2018)

Hi everyone, 

This is such a interesting discussion. Thanks. I agree with lots of what has already been said. We moved to donor eggs after 2 failed own egg cycles in the UK. I was quite reasonably young when we decided to make that call, 35/36, and we certainly hadn’t been told by anyone that it was our only option. I just knew that emotionally and financially I couldn’t keep trying with such low odds. Although relatively young, I did have low AMH. Of course there are many extremely tough people who do manage to keep going and succeed, eventually with their own eggs but I knew that for me that wasn’t possible. I worried that I’d be crushed by the relentlessness and pressure of repeated failures. I desperately wanted to just be a mum. And I didn’t want to have to sacrifice my mental health to get there. Of course, even two cycles and the years leading up to those took their toll but I feel extremely strongly that was the right the decision. We also had treatment in Czechia - great clinic, really affordable by comparison to many places. I love Brno, the town where our clinic is based.

We’re actually heading out to try our only frostie next week.


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## Melissa87 (9 mo ago)

@Nova35 thank you for the response I’d be in a really similar situation to you except I’m 34 and I don’t have DOR if these embryos don’t work I think I only have one more ivf cycle in me with my eggs like you said the constant failure is hard 
.


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## Positive20 (Feb 1, 2020)

@Nova35 couldn’t have put it better myself xx


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