# Fabulous 40's: What to do after a BFN - Support and Chat Part 3



## Maggiephatcat

happy chatting, one and all   


Maggie xxx


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## fififi

Hello all - hopefully this new location will mean our  thread will soon need to  turn into a "what to do after finally getting a BFP" one     



Thanks for messages of support over last few days.
Well today all very positive. Despite crazily late notice managed to get accupuncture treatment in at 7am! Transfer went brilliantly and no issues at all this time - except for fact I'd made sure bladder was full and REALLY needed wee by time taken into theatre!!! But, seemingly a full bladder gives a better picture so we got a fantastic view of my two embies heading in.
Both embies were ok to transfer - one 4 cell (on track) one an 8 cell (bit fast). Both consultant & embrologist felt there was nothing ito lose by transferring them both, despite our donor's age. So am now officially PUPO.

Test date 28 Feb due to fact it was 2 day transfer so it's going to be an extra long 2ww. Definitely need to get those positive juices flowing     
Now need to remake plans for my birthday weekend (tomorrow is big day) as had to cancel beauty treatments & massage as "not suitable for pg ladies". My poor consultant had to cope with my horribly hairy legs due to fact wasn't expecting ET today & the big de fuzz scheduled for tomorrow. He'll be having dreams about giving baboons IVf treatment no doubt tonight!!!! 🙈🙈🙈


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## artist_mum

well done *fififi* for getting through the last day or so.. sounds all quite high anxiety.. but also sounds as if it's gone well today. And that's the most important thing. And so often on here you do hear of the high drama scenarios ending up being the one - I so hope that it will be true for you. Good luck with your extra long 2WW! (as if it isn't hard enough with just the 14 days!!). And here's some of these:      

You made me laugh with the baboon dreams! I think we've all been there on the hairy leg syndrome - especially us dark haired lovelies 

Baby dust to you
x


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## LellyLupin

Aw Fifi congrats on being PUPO  , I have never heard of an egg developing too fast before, it all sounds very positive.  So excited as I think its your time this time.  Love your idea of a new 'finally' thread, hope I manage to get on it    Try not to test too early due to this being a longer dreaded 2ww, if you feel the need lwt us know and we will talk you out of it.  Happy birthday for tomorrow sweetie


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## deblovescats

Congrats fiffi - try to relax through the 2WW. Good luck! It's surely your time now! I like the idea of a positive name change for the thread!
Lesley - I agree with you about the Consultant - if its same one. I think you need to go with your gut instinct - especially if you're paying!  I like the consultant at CARE Sheffield - my initial consultation was an hour long as opposed to about 10 mins at LWC! I'm feeling confident about going back there for an attempt for a sibling. After all,  you're paying! I got 12 eggs from egg share donor at CARE - I got 4 blasts from it, so very happy.
Deb


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## deblovescats

Well everyone - I bit the bullet - my sister now knows about DE! I hadn't really made the decision aobut whether to tell or not, but I ended up being pushed into it - a few days ago, she kept on about us having a chat about tx and she kept saying 'well, you went against the doctor's advice ....' so I said that I didn't! she knows I'm a practical realist so she should have known! This stunned her for a while and she now blames me for her misapprehension that she would be able to have OE baby! Dont' know how she came up with this! Evidently she thought as I'd been lucky, genetically she would have same chance! I explained that it doesn't work like this even if I had used OE! She hasn't the faintest idea about what's involved. She thought blood tests would indicate whether you would be successful or not! If only it was so simple! Then we could all save money on pointless tx! She's now upset I didn't confide in her or trust her. Tried to explain that it was because of her obsession with having own genetic child! She says she loves James totally and nothing would change this. She's now thinking about what she should do. I said she has to make her own decision but that I don't have a problem with DE - my main concern was to have a baby, but that you have to be sure you want to do it, and ready to give up on OE. However, she's now nagging me to tell mum as she doesn't want to know something mum doesn't. Ive told her its my decision and she's not to tell anyone without my say so. I don't want anyone else to know as I think it's my business. I've told her that mum's issues about genetic grandchild make me concerned about telling her. So we've agreed to differ at the moment, but I worry she'll nag me again! I can't believe that although I'm fine about DE and have come to terms with it, and it's me who's living with it, it's other people causing the issues! 
Thanks - needed to get this off my chest. 
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Hi Debs    I hope she can be trusted not to blab to your Mum, this was my worry for you that she would feel the need to tell when you are wanting to keep it your business.  Be careful this doesn't lead to a rift as my situation with my sister has.  If she nags I would just reiterate that its your business alone and its not her place to tell anyone else,  and make sure she understands just how very angry you would be if she did, end of discussion.    Its such a big thing if you are not intending to tell James his origin.  The bit where shes blaming your for her misconceptions would have surprised me in the past,  but not anymore after my experience with my own sister.  Hopefully your sister will  make the decision to have her own DE baby and then she will understand the situation better.    Don't cave in if its not what YOU want for yourself and James.  Other people can really sour what should be a happy time, family or no,  its really annoying


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## fififi

Debs - agree with Lesley in that the important ones here are you & James. Your sister is letting her jealousy take over and perhaps once she's thought about things a little she'll be a little more understanding of the issue.
Perhaps if you sent her a letter telling her about the fact that you had tried many times to get pg using OE and how the heartbreak of that felt. Explain how your move to DE wasn't done on a whim but after heart felt consideration. Allow the letter to show emotion (if you feel happy exposing your emotions to her) but try to keep it based on sadness & happiness avoiding any anger. (Perhaps write a "fake" letter first expressing what you'd really like to say to her - just be careful not to muddle them up!)

Hope you are able to maintain a relationship with your sister and don't need to worry about her intervening by sharing your personal info with anyone you wouldn't want her to.
Huge hugs hun


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## LellyLupin

Good point Fifi, Debs maybe get your sister to sign up on here?  So she can get support, not on this particular thread but on another one, just a thought.

Fifi how are you feeling?  Happy Birthday what did you get? Hope you've shaved your legs by now


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## deblovescats

Thanks for the support Lesley and fiffi. I do so appreciate it. I think you're all a great bunch of women - and all deserve a happy ending. Hope you're being good to yourself fiffi.
AFM - my sister's away on a trip at the moment ( she flies for BA) so things are calm, but she's back tomorrow and wants to chat about her issues! I've tried to be supportive but I'm so drained - her angst has gone on for so long - ever since I got my BFP. I can't wait for her to get an appt for CBT - hope it helps! She also worries about how she would fit tx in with her varied shift pattern - when I said I didn't know, she thought I wasn't helping! The other issue I'm concerned about is that if she did go on to have tx and got her BFP - she expects me to look after the child while she's away for work! Talk about a big commitment! When I said we needed to discuss this, she said I was being unfair and that if I wouldn't agree she wouldn't be able to go ahead with tx! Talk about emotional blackmail! How is it my problem? I said maybe she should think about getting a job more conducive to having a child but she wouldn't be able to get as well paid a job. This would also be a problem if I was lucky in getting no 2. I don't mean to be selfish, but I need to live my life without feeling responsible for her, as I have through most of our lives. She also said she'd be jealous if I went on to have no 2 and she doesn't get a baby! I'm so sick of this. I'm trying to focus on me and James - I'm going to set things out straight for her - and tell her it's my life and she has to leave me to live it! 
Wish me luck ladies!
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Wow Debs your sister is being incredibly selfish if you don't mind me saying.  How has she come to the conclusion that you will be looking after her baby when you work yourself.  Does she give you a break and look after James for you?    Shes 45 for bobs sake,  she has to grow up and stand on her own two feet.  Shes spoiling what should be a happy time for you, shes obviously very jealous but there has been nothing stopping her making changes in her own life.  I understand that your BP has triggered her angst, when my friend fell pregnant I was pathologically jealous but I had to suck it up and carry on, she is being ridiculous.  I would tell her you are happy to support her through treatment,  but you refuse to feel guilty if your second attempt is successful and she doesn't fall pregnant herself.  She'll end up making you depressed carrying on like this.  I think you are right to lay it on the line, she needs to support you as a new mother  instead of piling her agonies on you, I'd flip the coin and tell her that's what sisters are supposed to do.  Very best of luck xx


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## fififi

Deb - I have an evil sister too but the things you're saying myinsensitive sis seem almost nice! Perhaps we could lock them in a room together & they could battle it out for how to best ruin your siblings happiness when they've totally struggled to get there.
Will be wishing you lots of luck. From my experience I always seem to be the one to come away most hurt by our "discussions" and end up worrying whether it was actually me in wrong. If this happens to you be certain to check back here so we can assure you it's evil sis not you in wrong. You have made massive sacrifices in your life to get James & are incredibly brave (and amazing) to have gone through all these years of IVF as single lady. That was not easy and even now as a single mum you are still doing an amazing thing by creating a life for you and James that is happy. Don't let your sis stop you enjoying James & ignore her ridiculous suggestion that you're able to care for any child she may bare. If she wants something to leave whilst at work I'd suggest a goldfish was more appropriate, not a child.


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## LellyLupin

Not to black cat anyone    but here is my evil sister tale.  Her husband got the sack from his job, I begged DP to give him a job at his firm which he did.  My brother in law proceeded to the lazest git in the land, managed to nearly get the sack twice, only fessing up when DP tipped him off he was on CCTV,  meaning DP risked his own job to prevent him being sacked.  My sister did nothing but moan about everything for 7 years,  (including when DP gave BIL a 5 grand bonus for improving a little -  it interfered with her tax credits!), making skits at me everytime she saw me about BIL being bullied by DP.  In the end I snapped and told her the truth about BIL and his performance at work.  She hasn't spoken to me for 4.5 years and neither have my two nieces.  As Judge Judy would say (and I live by this now)  No good deed goes unpunished!  Ella you are sometimes better off without a sister trust me


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## deblovescats

Thanks so much fiffi, Lesley and ella. Your advice is so apt. I feel sad sometimes, as in the past, we've always been the best of friends, but she doesn't seem to get past the 'baby' situation at the moment. It's good to just off load it. I think my sister does need counselling - she's currently waiting for a counselling appt for CBT - hope it helps. Its amazing what she says sometimes - she can't understand why I have been on FF - thinks I could have talked to her instead! Can you believe it - when she found out I was pregnant, she said that when I decided to go for treatment, I hadn't thought about the effect it would have on her and that she wouldn't be my priority any more! I challenged her and said what other option was there - should I not have gone ahead? She couldn't answer this one. She likes to play with James and cuddle him and will bring him gifts, but she doesn't look after him. She's only changed his nappy once - when I had a migraine on Christmas Day! She feels sick if there's a dirty nappy! As for the looking after the child if there was one, I feel like she's putting me on the spot - it's suddenly my responsibility. I know that I need to get rid of the feeling of responsibility I always have (that's the danger of being a big sister!) and concentrate on me and James. I think I'm always being too nice. She also said she doesn't know how she'd fit treatment in with work, and when I said I didn't know, she thought it wasn't very helpful! 
Anyway, I feel better now - thanks girls. I always know where to turn!
Deb
PS Had a drink and chat with a friend from work and off loaded on to her - she totally echoed what you guys all said!


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## fififi

Glad you've found a friend to chat to face to face Debs.
Stay strong and remember you & James are the ones to worry about


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## Coolish

Debs, I typed in a long reply yesterday moaning about my sister issues but I lost it - which has saved you from having to read it  Basically I have sister issues too, with most of them relating to OH - oh, I'm not blinding sticking up for OH here, my sister is well out of order and this has been going on for 10 years. It's got to a point now where my nephew, her son, still hasn't met my DD (various excuses, like too tired - he'll be 15 this year) and my sister seems to think this is perfectly OK behaviour. I won't even bother to go into the rest of it but it stinks and she's behaving like a spoilt child. 

Your sister sounds like a lot of people who have no knowledge of IVF. They tend to think it's a quick and easy solution for when you decide to have a baby. You pop to clinic, they do something clever, they start to grow a baby in a test tube, and then you're pregnant. There's no issues, no comcept of the masses of drugs and their effects, the 'intrusion' to your body, the mental stress and anguish, the cost, the time and, as we all know on this thread, the failures.

Basically, you have to make James and yourself your number 1 priority. It's not your sister's place to tell your mum - for goodness sake she's a adult and her mum doesn't have to know everything she knows! If she does tell your mum then you need to explain DE in simple terms. Most older people don't really get it, but it's a cell and it's similar to a blood donation. There is still the family link and your body has turned on the various genetics and your baby will pick up lots of traits from you - even in the womb, like preferring the foods you ate when pregnant. James isn't a DE baby, he's completely your baby and your mum's grandchild. Your mum saw him growing in your tummy. 

I've actually deleted a bit of my reply just now as I realised I was starting to rant about the emphasis people but on how a baby is conceived.... 

Glad you've been able to offload to a friend. I think you are also physically quite close to some of us on this thread...


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## LellyLupin

Jules you hit the nail on the head with what people think ivf means.  I remember watching  one of the girls in the office going through it years ago and wondering why on earth it didn't work, I thought it worked every time  .  Its such a private thing too, my MIL didn't speak to me for weeks when she found out I had had ivf and didn't tell her.  Talk about piling on the agony for me after a BFN, people just don't get it and people can be so opinionated about it especially when you say you are over 40, usually the ones who already have kids.  The pain of being infertile is just so raw at times.  I told my mum today that I was going for ivf again and she didn't say anything.  My brother is worried it will set me back if its a BFN again, he says I may just have to learn to be childless (yes I know brother, I know)  

On the sisters front luckily for me I have a nice sister too and a lovely brother who I adore, so my evil sister is outnumbered  

Deb happy you have someone to confide in face to face, I understand how obligated you feel to your sister, you are between a rock and hard place at times, shes lucky to have you xx


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## deblovescats

Thanks Lesley, jules, fiffi, ella - I do so love the support you all give. What is it about sisters - we've all got stories! 
I agree with jules - there seems to be so much emphasis put on genetic link. I've always thought practically - and I wanted a baby - our little ones are all ours! At least even if we've got less support from sisters, we've got each other! Am looking forward to our get together in 2016.
People just don't get it. I agree that lots of people don't realise how much is involved in treatment. 
I think it's amazing how much influence our bodies have over our babies when in the womb and they become all ours. I think the idea of being like blood donation is so apt as well. 
I've decided to make sure I focus on me and James (and maybe no 2) My friend also said what you all said.
Lesley - it's great you have other siblings - I have just the one! I so hope you can join us all with a little one
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Deb got my baby names all sorted    On that note I wonder what Sushi called her twins,  Jules has a name I like in Izzys name.  Its DPs Grandmas name too.  How hard was it coming up with James name?  I think its so important as your child has it forever.  I am not a fan of anything that sounds made up or anything that's stupidly spelt,  gotta think about the poor kid having to explain it over and over.


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## fififi

Agggghhhhh just had convo with my evil sister & I managed to be all very pleasant to her for whole 30 mins despite fact she didn't text, phone or send card for my birthday last week. She then asked "what I was up to with trying for another baby" and I just said that we're hoping for one last try this year. She then ranted for about 5 mins about how I should really just accept things & do more with my life rather than mope about. Followed by her usual comment of why didn't I just go to Spain, like her neighbour had done, and use a donor there so I'd be pg. I ignored this. Then she said that she understands how I feel as is in same position. (Her "same position" being that she'd like another child but since she split with her partner about 5 years ago hasn't met anyone else since.) I then said that I didn't agree that we were in the same position & had I been in her shoes and really wanted another child I'd have looked into using a sperm donor. At which point she told me I was a    and that she could see why I'd not been blessed with children before hanging up! I've so much steam coming out my ears it's unreal!
Beginning to think perhaps my quest for a sibling for DD is bad idea after all given how horrid so many of our sisters seem to be. (Debs - your sis would get on brilliantly with my evil one!)

Totally irrelevant post for this thread I know but had to vent somewhere as need to maintain calm for my nesting embies.


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## deblovescats

Lesley - I agree about names! I love traditional names - we see so many weird name choices in my job! I think London Bear was one of the weirdest! I liked the combination of James William. I often daydreamed about what names I'd give a child! Maybe I'll start thinking about other names now!
fiffi - your sister sounds so unpleasant - maybe we should put both ours together! 
Take deep breaths and keep calm!!!! It's going to happen.
Deb


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## fififi

Now had evening of abusive texts telling me I'm a self centered cow! Seriously going to need to do lots of deep breathing before sleeping tonight as so upset by her total lack of understanding for my situation. I tried to respond by explaining we're different & cannot truly know how other feels. Also said that I know she's sad & hurt by not being in position to create sibling. But despite my efforts she is still hurling abuse. Can't figure out how to block her texts without turning phone off to everyone.

Right - to try & relax then sleep. Positive energy severely lacking in my body right now. Sisters eh?!!


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## Greyhoundgal

Fififi - you poor thing   I'm really horrifiedby how your sister has behaved....our sisters ought to be our refuge from all things horrible in the world, a safe place to share our fears.....that's certainly not what she's doing   so sorry. You are a strong and dignified lady though and you are clearly rising above it - which is all you can do. Sadly, some people are not evolved enough to see anything beyond the end of their own nose  

Grey xxx


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## fififi

Thanks ladies - been stewing all day still. Going to chill with Zita West cd in bit.

Ella - think my evil sis is just depressed & lonely. She lives in totally different world to me, hangs out with trendy types, works in PR, looks fab & spends fortune on clothes etc. Right back from when we were teenagers (she's 2 years younger) she was always impart of the "beautiful crowd" whereas I was just normal. In past when visiting me has commented "how can I live in such suburbia" think that was down to fact my road not especially exciting & we talk to our neighbours. I'm fairly certain it's not jealousy as such since she would hate my boring lifestyle but perhaps she would benefit from living away from the "it" crowd for a time and not competing on lifestyle 24/7.
Thankfully I have three other sisters who,  aside from Miss Super Fertile (10 kids & probably still counting!), I can talk about stuff a bit more to and who seem a little sad for me.

Am coming to try and put evil sis out of my head for next few weeks at least. Have instructed DH not to answer phone if she calls though not convinced he'll remember. I need to focus on fact I've still 12 days until OTD and need to r-e-l-a-x more.


Debs - hope your sister situation improved since you last posted.

Sushi - hope all is good with you & twins 

Lesley - glad names are sorted, hopefully that's the hard bit over with & now you can breeze through getting a LO     

Am sure there's more things I wanted to say to people so apologies to anyone I've missed out that's having rough time at minute.
Big hugs to all


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## deblovescats

Thanks so much ella, fiffi, Lesley ....
I'm ok. Had a little chat with sis - she's now very confused aobut what to do - she doesn't know whether to do OE/DE or not have treatment! So that's a bit of a turnaround. she keeps saying how much she loves James so that's something and says it wouldn't change her feelings towards him. However, she thinks I should tell mum still! I'm fed up of there being all this debate about DE - I'm happy with my decision and that's all that matters. She had a conversation with mum about what the clinic letter said about DE. My mother then said to me what sis had said - it would make it even harder to let her know. She said if she had DE, it wouldn't be her child and it would be like having a surrogate! I think the older generation are definitely confused about issues relating to IVF! I just want to move everything on - it's not about James's origins but us as a family. 
Sorry to anyone else having sister issues!
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Feefs it is jealousy you know, you may think shes not jealous of you but you can bet your bottom dollar that she is. Otherwise she wouldn't be so abusive.  Shes frightened you get a sibling for your daughter and she doesn't get the chance.  Peoples lives sometimes look fabulous from the outside but everyone has issues they have to deal with, whats the expression something about walking a mile in someone elses shoes.  I think your sister is very jealous of you otherwise her reactions wouldn't be so extreme.

Debs I think we all know your sister is jealous of you and I pretty much know that my sister envies my life because she hasn't a clue how hard it is to live it.  She sees my life and thinks I have it easy    Even my 'good' sister says things that hurt at times,  even though I know its just because she doesn't think first, my 'bad' sister says things to wound me.    Deb I hope your sister was there when your Mum made her comments,  so she can see that your Mum would not accept the situation  (or it would take her some time to adjust to it).    Even my lovely brother made a comment about me learning to live with being childless like I hadn't even considered that I might have to, people just don't understand.  

Fifi you need to calm down and try and block your sister from your mind, otherwise those babies of yours will feel the stress, you should be looking after yourself right now.  I looked up toxic sisters on the net when my sister stopped talking to me and the advice there really helped me see that these are her jealousy issues,  and I can't solve them because they come from deep inside her psyche.  No matter how nice I am to her and no matter how much I have helped her over the years she will never love me.

Some examples of my nasty sisters comments over the years:

'I used to take you out in your pram when you were a baby, bang your pram up and down the kerb till you cried and then take you home and tell Mam you were a whingey baby'

'You are so vain (when I asked if I looked fat in a new dress) A comment spat at me

You are not the sister I thought I had (when I split up with my abusive long term partner who she thought I should have married)

If you don't hurry up and have kids,  one day they will find you in your lonely flat and the cats will have eaten half your face (I have never even owned a cat)

I don't have a money tree in the back garden (I don't either I have worked hard for 30 years in a job I hate,  while she got to stay at home and bring my nieces up)

I could go on, I have deduced from her comments over the years that she never wanted a baby sister


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## LellyLupin

Well she hasn't spoken to me for over four years so I don't have to now.  I used to walk on eggshells around her as do the rest of the family,  I am the only person in the family who has stood up to her which is why she no longer speaks to me.  Her loss not mine as I have only ever wanted the best for her and tried to help her over the years, I used to feel very hurt about it all but now I just feel angry.  I find I see friends more as family now at least you can choose them    

Got my date for the hospital, just want to get on with things now.  

Fifi how are you doing, hows the 2WW going?  how is everyone else?

Debs hows your sister situation going?


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## deblovescats

Lesley - glad you've got a date for hospital - at least  you can then get moving with everything. We'll have to rearrange our meeting! AFM - me and James doing fine. Had morning on seafront with two friends from work and their kids - was amazing, never thought I'd be doing that as well! As for situation with sister - it's fluid! She's not said anything to mum, but keeps saying she doesn't like to know something mum doesn't! She also thinks I'm secretive and didn't trust her to let her know about DE. Wonder why! She's currently in a depressed mood and is blaming me for how she feels - as I didn't tell her about DE, she was labouring under a misapprehension about getting pregnant with OE! I seem to be held responsible all the time - and she doesn't seem to take any responsibility for her own actions. I dread how it will be if I do get no 2! 
Good luck fiffi and Lesley.
Deb


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## fififi

What lovely weekend you've had Debs. Sorry your sister still blaming you for her sadness but keep trying to rise above it.

Lesley - glad you've a date. Is this seeing nhs consultant?

AFM - well the longest 2ww ever is going slowly but I'm not really thinkng about it all that much as have had DD off on holiday from school this week so it's been pretty full on. Not at all hopeful if truth be told. Fact that it was day 2 transfer and only one of two embies were at right place wasn't great beginning. I'm trying to stay positive and done reasonable amount of tummy rubbing & gentle talking to the pair of them but just not got even slightest feeling that anything going on inside me. From glancing at 2ww board lot of ladies with my dates able to test today or tomorrow so I should notice something I'd have thought. With previous successful 2ww I've had increased sense of smell, wee-ed more & generally felt AF was on its way - this time nothing. Will hold out until Sat as don't want to jinx things but not looking hopeful. Would be great if I'm proved wrong so please keep wishing/praying/finger crossing etc


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## Sushi Lover

Hello to my lovely Fab 40's friends... sorry I've not posted in 3 weeks. It's been a whirlwind! the twins are now in SCBU at the neonatal unit... out of Intensive Care now. Named them Theo and Arabella. Theo has put on 12oz and now weighs 3lbs 7oz, Arabella is 4lbs and has put on 7oz. They are the most beautiful and precious things in the world to me and I love being a Mum! Still can't quite believe it.
*
Les and Debs*...Sorry about all the evil sister stuff!! I don't get on with my sister either and didn't hear a thing from her for about a week after the birth... no text, card or anything. Bizarre. Do we think sisters develop a jealous streak perhaps? That brothers don't? Debs.. glad James is doing well. Lesley... brilliant you have a date!

*Fifi*... congrats on being PUPO! Wonderful news and I hope you get your BFP on the 28th. It was a shame about only ending up with the 2 eggs/embryos... but I'm impressed they are offering you another cycle free of charge. These clinics hardly ever give anything for free! Thanks for your PM... I will reply! Saying a little prayer for you.

*Grey*.. did the second hysto go ok? Did they find much to remove?

*Jules*... sorry to hear you are down.... I hope you and DH reach a decision on the next steps soon.

*Artist*...sorry I still haven't got around to replying to your PM hun. Hope you are ok? What are your next steps?

*Ellaa*... hiya! Hope you are doing ok?

xx


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## fififi

Sushi - so relieved twins both ok and obviously growing well. Beautiful names too.
Hope the stresses of last few weeks not exhausted you too much and you will soon be home as a family of four!!!! (My DD was only 4.5lbs at 41 weeks but by 12 months she was as big, if not bigger than most of her peers. Had been expecting her from 28 weeks & was under care of premature prevention clinic so major shock she wasn't born early combined with fact so tiny still. Dates were correct since we'd been having tx!)


Ella, grey, Artist, Jules and those others I've forgotten - meant to say hi and ask how things were going in previous post. (Perhaps I am pg as have baby brain that's for sure!)


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## deblovescats

Thanks for support guys. sushi - so glad the twins are doing well - great names! Enjoy motherhood.
Lesley - good luck with appointment.
Fiffi - I'm keeping everything crossed - don't give up yet - on all 3 of my cycles, I didn't get any symptoms at all - 1st 2 were BFNs and 3rd was little James! Still didn't have symptoms with that BFP - so don't set too much store by it!
Deb


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## Sushi Lover

*Ellaa*... I won't lie to you, carrying twins was hard at 42 years of age! I obviously wouldn't change it for the world. But a singleton pregnancy would have a lot easier. I had lots of problems throughout. By no means am i complaining, but don't blame for considering one embryo over two. I transferred three by the way, so my chances of twins was quite high!

*Fififi*... Good luck for testing hun. Am saying lots of prayers for you!

X


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## LellyLupin

Hi girl  

Sushi so nice to have you back, love the baby names by the way.  How are you finding motherhood?  Is it all you expected? 

Fifi hang on in there sending you lots of    for a good result xx

Hi Deb, Ella et al  hope you are all ok.

AFM Going to see NHS Gyne on 23rd March but just found out my job is not safe    Honestly why does it never go smoothly.  I won't be able to get a loan without a job so I am praying our business survives, trouble is both DP and I work for the same place so if it goes we lose everything arghhhh!!


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Sushi - as per other thread I posted on - big congrats and loving your bubbas names   I imagine you feel pretty exhausted with two babies  

Fififi - I've got everything crossed for you - hang in there hun  

Lesley - pleased to hear you've got your consultant apt but not so great about work   fx it comes to nothing and both your jobs will be fine  

Ellaa - thanks for asking the hysto was worth doing.....UK surgeon had left placenta behind following my ERPC which is precisely what I had worried about happening. That in turn caused a massive infection so I've been on antibiotics for 10 days. The infection might explain a part of why I've been so run down and punched up every cough and cold in the last couple of months - normally never ill   Anyway hopefully that's all sorted now ready for FET next month. Worrying now that I should do another fresh cycle whilst I'm still 41.....will be 42 in April and eggs apparently decline a bit more after that? It's all so complicated  

Deb, Altai, Jules, artist, hope you're all well  

Grey xx


----------



## fififi

Grey - glad your hysto was worth doing (though obviously not good that it needed to be done) and hopefully the refurbishment will prove the key to a success very soon   
Hope you start feeling better health wise soon and the ABs do their trick x


Lesley - do hope your job is safe and things settle quickly on that front. You really don't need that worry again    
Hopefully NHS gynae will be a useful visit and bring some positivity back your direction


Thanks for words of support ladies - aside from DH you're the only ones who know about this cycle so relying on your positive vibes, prayers & finger crossing!
Still struggling to feel hopeful as to outcome on Saturday plus now, as it's finally getting closer, am feeling very scared of the outcome and almost now wanting to test. Have been extra friendly to all the mums with new babies at school this week and made point of sitting next to the pg lady every lunchtime just in case some spare baby dust rubs off!!! (Though I'll obviously ignore them all next week if not good news so they'll wonder why I'm so fickle!!!)


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Fififi - good luck for tomorrow   Hope this is your time  

Grey xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Hello Girls 

Gosh Greyhound and Ella sounds like you two have been through the mill    On the eggs front I gave up on mine when I saw how slowly they were developing on the last cycle.  I just want healthy babies too.  If I am lucky enough to fall I will be sad that I won't see  myself in my baby,  but at the end of the day I just want to give a baby a happy magical life. 

Feefs have you resisted testing, good luck for tomorrow sweetie, I hope you get the best news possible so I can post some dancing bananas on here for you xxx

Hello to everyone else have a fab weekend xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Where is everyone?  Feefs are you ok?


----------



## deblovescats

Lesley - I was wondering that! I'm still here.
I hope fiffi is ok.
We'll have to rearrange our meeting! 
Deb


----------



## LellyLupin

Phew I was beginning to wonder if you'd all set up another thread without me    Hiya Debs, how are things going with you and your sister situation?  Hows James doing?  Yes we will have to get rearranging especially now the weather is on the turn, an ice cream on the sea front would be just the thing.  Let me know when you are next free and I will drive up.

AFM my job situation is still the same, just waiting to see what happens.  I am still awaiting my scan and itching just to get on with things.  We are off to Chester this weekend as its DPs birthday so we've duped DPs mum inot looking after Max, the budgies and the hedgehog and we are off!  Hope she copes with Captain Chaos  

Hope everyone is ok, hoping the silence means you are all busy enjoying yourselves xx


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Hi ladies - it is very quiet on here at the moment  n hope feefs is ok   not heard a thing and OTD well overdue. Thinking of you Fififi  

Lesley - I can imagine you're on your mark   as soon as the starter gun goes you'll be off  

Debs, Ella - you both ok?

Grey xx


----------



## Sabiha

Hi all, 

Just joined this site for some positive support from like-minded women who are experiencing a similar journey in their lives. 

Trying our third IVF abroad between March 17/18. Hoping third time's a charm but my attitude is if its meant to happen, it will. The love between us is immense, regardless of anything else! Having a baby would be the cherry on the cake for us after almost ten years very happily married. We have unexplained infertility.

I am 40 (DH is 3 and a poor responder. I've had two other IVF sessions with a total of five ETs but everytime we got a BFN. The meds I'm on are femara and merional. 

Currently on day 3 of a cycle where the EC is on day 14!

Wishing luck and sending baby dust to all


----------



## LellyLupin

Hello Sahiba welcome to the thread you will find lots of support on here.  We have all been through the mill, the good news is lots of pregnancies have been happening lately so some   will hopefully rub off for you  

Grey I was wondering what otd was too?  I am on the starting blocks I just feel like I have been waiting forever to get started again, I'll have retired by the time I have a baby to hold  

Hello Ella    glad you all haven't abandoned me after all.

Love to Feefs  hope you are ok sweetiex x


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Lesley - I think OTD was last Saturday   Of course we haven't abandoned you   not just as you're gearing up.....I for one want to hear all about it  

Sahiba- welcome to the thread and lots of good luck to you for this cycle  

Ella - OTD = official test date   thanks for asking after me. Honestly if it's not one thing it's another at the moment - first cystits then (of course) thrush.....all to add yo my catalogue of colds, coughs and chest infections since my mc   hey ho! On the upside, finished my post hysteroscopy meds so AF should be here by Monday and then I start my meds for our FET later this month  

Grey xx


----------



## artist_mum

hi everyone

just popped on to see how fififi is getting on. Big hugs your way *fififi* whatever is happening in your world!

Just landed a full time job so it's been manic with the puppy as well, coming home at lunchtime and generally rushing around too much - and it is NOT helping with getting on with the iVF plans. I'm due to see Dr George at Zita West in 2 weeks but it's just all feeling wrong and i think i'm going to cancel. it turns out you can only get immunes treatment from him if you do the whole thing with Zita West and yet they claim not to have much success/practice with 'older' ladies. So i don't think its worth going. Best to see another immunologist and find clinic to go along with it. Also waiting for money to get sorted. so a bit on hold really. don't know why i can't just make a decision&#8230;

hello to *sahiba* good luck with this cycle, let it be The One! 

*lesley* great you have the scan booked up. hope the job sorts itself out. it always seems to be something doesn't it?! Hope you both have a great time in Chester, i totally get how lovely it is to get a 'house-sitter' and leave those animals for a couple of days (gorgeous as they are ) Enjoy 

*Debs* hiya. hope all well with you and the lovely J x

hi grey, sushi, ella.. and whatever happened to Moominmum?!

Artist
xx


----------



## Salad4

Hi Ladies
Sorry for going quiet for so long.  Hope everyone is doing ok.
Fififi - I'm hoping your news is good and thinking about you.
ArtistMum - congratulations on the job and hope you've now worked out the next step for you.  It's really not fair how everything we do has to be thought about, decided upon, saved up for.  It should just be a quick roll in the hay... I suppose it's all character building.
Greyhoundgal - hope that you're feeling better and good luck for the FET later.
Lesley - hope you had a lovely weekend and hope the scan goes well.  I know what you mean about waiting forever.
Sahiba - baby dust for your cycle.  
Ella - you should definitely chase up about your counselling session.  It's a bit ironic that you're having to chase for it.
Debs - hi there - sorry you've had such a bad time with your sister.  I've got a lovely sister (and feel a bit guilty), so don't give up hope on siblings!!

AFM - I was so disappointed after the second DE cycle failed, that I just went quiet.  We got 8 eggs, but we only ended up with one blastocyst to transfer so the clinic now want us to have DNA fragmentation test as they think it might be down to sperm issues.  So now I'm thinking that I could have gone for donor sperm years ago and maybe have had a baby now that would be genetically related to me.  I hate the way that it is just guess work on the part of the clinicians, yet they judge me and my old eggs, without actually knowing.  Anyway so I'm nagging my OH into drinking his nasty drinks (Proxeed) so that the test might actually be better.  Then I'm wondering if I should try IUI with my own eggs (but I know that is a silly idea given my age).  And' I'm also worried as the Lister told me that we should go with Altrui so that I can have all the eggs (assuming that the sperm quality is an issue, but I don't think I can use Altrui donors as I think there's a limit of 47 years for that and I turn 48 in April. Plus work is not good.  I'm always ridiculously busy, but now my boss is putting pressure on me and I'm worried that it is a prelude to having to leave.  Right I'll stop now because I'm just moaning and I know I just need to resolve one thing at a time and that will make me feel better and more in control.
best wishes to all Salad


----------



## artist_mum

hi Salad

Nice to see you on here again - although sorry to read about the last cycle.  It's just so hard to take and I think quite a lot of us have, at times, stepped back from FF in an effort to regroup.  It sounds like you've got a few things to get your head round, it is difficult to focus on all this when work and life in general is so hectic. You made me laugh about it being so much easier if it were a quick roll in the hay, hah.. these people who conceive naturally have NO IDEA how much money they saved!!!!  Seriously though, it sounds like you have some things to think through and here is a very good place to sound them out, and see what others say.  It is possible with own eggs at 47 of course, but even if it does work there are so much higher risk of issues with chromosomal probs etc so it may be worth thinking of that too.  Although I am a great believer in listening to you own heart in it all, and do what you want to do.  

Anyway, take care of yourself especially with work.  This baby you're planning is more important than all that..

Artist xx


----------



## LellyLupin

I agree with Roxy Sally there is a chance with your OE but as she says the chances of something wrong are way higher.  That's how I justify going DE in my own head when I am having angst about not having a genetic baby, do I want a baby or to waste more time at nearly 48 with what might have been.  Then I think of all the things I don't like about me and think well a DE baby won't inherit them    Its awful to have those feelings I know and then look at your age and think what might have been,  but it does no good to look back we have to look at what we can do,  not what might have been don't we,  otherwise we could drive ourselves mad with it.    I also think maybe I should give OE one more go,  but the odds are so slim and its so expensive would I just be throwing my money away.  It should be just a roll in the hay and people who conceive naturally have no idea of the torture they have saved themselves, but on the other hand I sometimes wonder if we are all going through this for a reason,  to make us stronger people who care more and are more grateful for what we get    Listen to me getting all philosophical


----------



## Sabiha

Had an ultrasound to check how many follicles were recruited during this cycle and I only have 2 on my left ovary; sadly my right ovary produced none! All those injections for 2   follies  

Well, it only takes 1 egg & 1 sperm right....


----------



## LellyLupin

That's right and you could have twins!!  xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Happy Mothers Day to all you lovely friends who got there in the end, have a fab day  xxx  And    to all of us still on the journey,  hope you are all coping with the day xx


----------



## deblovescats

So generous of you Lesley - one day it'll be you! 
Happy Mother's Day to everyone - whether you're a mum or not - yet! You will be soon. Everyone who's been on such a hard journey deserves pampering!
AFM - spent my first Mother's Day with James just the two of us! It was amazing. Went to church this morning - special service and then we went for a long walk on the seafront. It was special - never thought it would happen so it's so precious. I so hope everyone can experience this. 
Good luck everyone undergoing cycles. You're all so special!
Deb


----------



## LellyLupin

Well had a really crap Mothers Day thanks to DPs Mother    After stressing myself to death trying to find presents for her and shopping to cook her a nice meal,  she announces that she went up to DPs exwifes for a cup of coffee and a chat!  I was so mad I just wanted her to go home after that, as if Mothers Day is not hard enough grrr!!!!!!


----------



## Altai

Hi ladies,

Hope everybody is doing ok. 

Lesley - sorry about awful Mother's Day. I wonder why yr mil went to ye dp' ex? 

Deb  - must be such a lovely Mother's Day for you with your little man. 

Artist - congratulation with your new job. Are you planning a new cycle or will wait until y settle in your job? 

Sabiha-  hope your cycle goes well. What stage are you on? 

Salad - have you thought about doing cycle  abroad? It's much cheaper and donors tend to be younger. 

Afm - so disappointed after so many failed cycles, still no job just short contracts, the last one with 40% pay cut. On top of everything my coparent has pulled out, so now truly going on my own.  The plan has been to do embryo banking and freeze all resulting embryos, then sort out job/finance and   and proceed to combo de/oe.
Have had 3 mini Ivfs, none  to freeze from first two cycles.  But have high hopes for the cycle n3 - had EC last Friday, got 7 eggs, had 1 embryo transferred D3 and the remaining 4 waiting to hear tomorrow if have anything to freeze. Fx for a few  embies. 
Didn't want to do trf as can't afford to get pregnant right now  but tbh chances are so low.... And clinic strongly advised ET in case none will make to freezing. 

Good luck to all on whatever stage you are on

Love

A.


----------



## LellyLupin

Because shes nosy Altai and DPs ex always waits until me and DP are away,  gets in touch with DPs mother and invites her up and MIL can't resist.  Still furious as you can probably tell  

Hope things get better for you Altai, I wish I had frozen my eggs when I was in my 30s but you just don't think you will ever be infertile do you.  Hindsight is a wonderful thing.  Sounds like you have plans which I really admire you for, wish I was so organised xx


----------



## deblovescats

Thanks for your kind wishes ella. I'm sorry you're suffering so much with the endo and I hope it gets resolved. Just keep going and do what you think is right. I know endo is more severe than period pain, but the medical profession always used to say a cure for it was to have a baby! So maybe that would work for you as well! I know that's too simplistic but want to give you hope. 
I feel so lucky to have my little man and can't believe it's happened. 
Lesley - so feel for you with MIL - just ignore and think how stupid she is being. Just hang on to your dream of getting a little one. IT will happen.
Altai - good luck with the job hunt - so sorry you're having a rough time. I know it's scary going it alone, but it is possible. I know it's hard at times, but have not regretted having my little one. 
Deb


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Ella - I don't know all that much about endo but I didn't want to read and run   You sound low sweetie. Where are you thinking of going for de? I'm sure you've thought of it but maybe worth researching their success rates with de and also asking around re success with endo - might make you feel better? 

Altai - sorry you're struggling on the job front as well as ttc especially now coparent has backed out   Maybe some time not banking will be good for your body (and bank balance) and you can go back and have an FeT at a later stage?  

Lesley - your mil takes e biscuit   How are things progressing for you?

Deb - hope you and Yiur little guy are enjoying the spring sun?

AFM - we are off on Monday to greece to have our FET so keep your fingers crossed for us  

Grey xx


----------



## Sabiha

Hi all,

I'm on the 2 week wait with a singleton on board! Fx this one implants. Only 2 follicles were visible on ultrasound and after EC and all, only one follicle made it to ICSI but it did fertilize. I'm still taking all the supplements to improve egg quality (although my egg quality is not the issue with our unexplained infertility). Husband quit smoking in the recent months and the doctor noticed an improvement in his sperm quality; so I guess every positive change we do to our bodies helps.

Praying that this third round is the lucky one  

Wishing all the very best to everyone here with whichever part of the journey you're on and hugs to all


----------



## Altai

Lesley - I too wish I 'd frozen my eggs when I was younger, it didn't even crossed my mind. What was I thinking  about back then? 

Ella- sorry don't know anything about endo, I hope it can be treated or at least eased? 

Deb - it's scary to do it on my own. I really admire your strength.

Grey - good luck with your FET and have a great time in Athens. 
Next month will be my last banking cycle and after I am taking time off fertility journey  and will hope for a change of fortune (both personal and financial)  

Sabiha - good luck with 2ww, fx this round is lucky.

Afm- finally some progress, I definitely have 1 frostie. The embryologist said there might be more  and would  let me know Thur.  Haven't heard a word from him since then. Maybe he didn't want to spoil my w/end  3 embryo banking cycles (am not counting the previous fresh), 14 eggs retrieved altogether and only 1 frostie  

Have a great w/end all


----------



## LellyLupin

Hello ladies

Ella I don't know very much about Endo but don't they usually clear it before they will let you do IVF?  My Consultant asked me if I had it when he did my scan but I don't know, surely he should be telling me not the other way around?  We are talking about Endometriosis aren't we not something else?  If so I didn't know it affected your joints it sounds terrible,  no wonder you are so low.  Sending you a big fat   and a   

Hi Debs hows your sister situation going?  Hope you and babs are ok xx

Grey good luck for Monday its all very exciting, you could be soon joining the baby club and i will be posting you a dancing banana!  xx

Sabhia  got everything crossed for you there is so much good baby news on here lately its very encouraging. xx

Salad hope you are feeling a bit happier about DE now?

Altai you were probably thinking the same thing I was, I'll have a baby later and I won't have a problem I will just fall pregnant whenever I want  .  One frostie is good news you only need one to fall pregnant so congratulations   I had about 40 eggs in my two cycles and didn't get one frostie.  How much does it cost to do an embryo banking cycle?  I didn't even know there was such a thing, even though I have had two rounds of ivf I still feel like a novice on here  

Artist hope you are ok I found the steppies thread so have been posting on there, good to be able to share stories xx

Afm  Scan on Monday to find out what is growing in my womb, hopefully its nothing sinister.  Tomorrow having to face the MIL as going to a charity night with her, Haven't spoken to her since mothers day and if I am totally honest I don't even want to see her, she always manages to upset me by saying something or other.


----------



## Altai

Lesley - hope charity ball with MIL went ok. How was your scan?nothing sinister? 
For embryo banking you do ivf/or mini ivf, freeze all resulting embryos and transfer them in the next cycle either natural or medicated. The prices vary but much cheaper in Eastern Europe from €1000 plus for natural/mini ivf and other costs on top.

Afm- better news today, got 2 more frosties thou one is still morula @ D6. But I don't care, at least some progress  

Hi to all and good luck


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Altai - that sounds good   and like you say, it's progress   I'm pleased for you  

Lesley - hope the scan went well ?  

AFM - arrived and had dinner in our favourite restaurant   they recognised that it's our fourth time in here which was quite funny   FET tomorrow so keep everything crossed for me ladies....hope embies thaw well  

Grey xxx


----------



## Maggiephatcat

Hi ladies   


Hope you don't mind me gate crashing your thread   



Grey - I wanted to wish you well for you FET tomorrow   I have everything crossed for you and can't tell you how much I hope this will work for you. You deserve it so much.    


Maggie xxx


----------



## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

I was wondering if I can join you lovely ladies.  Firstly, I can't believe I am actually on this thread now, cor blimey it seem's 2 mins. ago since I was a little nipper, and now I have just turned 40 a month ago.

I know, terrible timing, but I got my latest BFN 2 day's before my actual 40th Birthday. I also found out at the same time that our child has significant developmental delay, despite his prematurity, so he now as additional needs.  So, not a good time for us I'm afraid! In regards to the timing of our last tx, it was a risk we was prepared to take, but as a consequence I decided then to delay any birthday celebrations, as becoming pregnant was more important to me than becoming 40.  I still haven't had my celebrations yet, but "I intend to, not let my 40th slip without any celebrations." 

We have 1 frozen embryo left from our last cycle, which we intend to use some time, but at the moment it is too soon, and we have our follow up appt. at the clinic tomorrow, this was organised by them, so I can't help wondering if it is too soon? What do you ladies think? It has only been a month.

Anyway! I shall look forward to chatting with you.

Bye for now.

xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Hello lovely ladies, welcome Dolphin  

Grey got everything crossed for you,  come on little frosties this lady needs you to be strong  

Altai things are sounding so good for you,  more frosties is fab news well done you  xx  The charity do went ok, I didn't sit next to MIL so didn't really have to talk to her, shes called me a couple of times about my scan and then proceeded to tell me about her friends daughter who has just had a baby, honestly she is so tactless so I  am going to take the good advice from Ella of forming a bubble around myself so she can't affect me  

Hi Maggie love your pic of you and your son xx

Ella hope you are feeling better, sound like everything is moving forward for you chick 

Dolphin I think I would give myself a little bit of time to recover and regroup before starting again, you will be in a better frame of mine and your body will have time to recover.  Its sounds like you have a lot on your plate at them moment xx

AFM  well after spending 4 hours having tests at the hospital,  they think I have 2 ovarian cysts at 4cm each, they couldn't find the swelling in my fallopian tube although I know its blocked,  and  they think my ivf doc had measured the cysts as one big one.  I thought that meant that I wouldn't need surgery but they phoned my ivf doc and he wants me to have them taken out to give any babies a better chance.  The NHS doc said if I wasn't having ivf he would have just monitored me every 6 months instead of surgery.  The choice was mine really so I said take them out.  I had to give a blood test to rule out cancer but he thinks I am ok,  so just waiting for a date now.  What do you ladies think do you think I should just leave the cysts or have them removed?  The NHS doc said he is going to have a good look around in there to see if there are any other problems.  I don't have endo.  I was thinking that maybe I should try donor sperm while I am waiting to go in, heads a bit muddled because I keep reading of natural births for ladies around my age.  Honestly I just want a baby how hard does it have to be!!


----------



## artist_mum

hi everyone

gosh there's a lot going on on here…

grey - hope it's all gone super well for you today.  everything crossed.  as Maggie says, you deserve this to work for you. wishing you loads of luck.

lesley - Ha ha you make me laugh with your 'I just want a baby…"    You and me both!  Anyway, re the cyst removal plans….  well if it was me i would definitely whip them out - if they are giving you the chance for a perfectly refurbished baby room, then grab it!  And as for your MIL,  well, enough said, i think we know that the bubble is the way forward on that.  That steppies thread is a good place to off load amongst those of us who understand the challenges…  Big hug to you with everything going on there and I hope this all goes forward nicely for you once the 'room' is decluttered  

Altai - well done on getting through this last mini ivf with some positive results.  And fingers crossed on the work front.  I was lacking in work for the past 9 months really and it was stressful.  Of course now I have the work but it comes with a degree of stress and lack of time for planning IVF (and it isn't permanent).  Yup I still plan to go ahead though and get organised for this summer.


Ellaa - sorry to hear re being unwell.  I did have M.E for many years so i understand how debilitating (mostly to the mind) is this constant feeling of being under the weather.  Immunes are a p in the a.  And yes, you are spot on with the idea to have a couple of lunchtimes 'off' with a dog sitter.  I found a lovely lady who comes and it means i can stay in town once or twice a week instead of haring back and forth to see my gorgeous furry friends  

dolphin - welcome to our motley crew   and happy 40th for whenever you decide to celebrate.  I can see that it is a tough time for you right now, so just sending you a   and hope you find ways to get through this time.

sahiba - good luck and wishing you     on your lucky 3rd.  Here's hoping!

Debs - hiya, hope all well with you and the lovely J.  x

salad - has your boss got off your case yet? or is it still crazy busy?  Hope you are doing ok, thinking of you.

AFM  Im working too much, arguing with DP cos i'm working too much, still not got enough money coming in, love my dogs but not finding time for them…………..  so where on earth does the IVF figure?!  The truth is I am getting used to the job, i'm doing some reflexology and I"m planning to book something for June.  Still not sure whether Dogus or UK.  Still not sure whether to pay for immunes or try without…  So that's me.  A little confused but I  do most certainly want a baby.

Artist xxx


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Just a v quick one and more tomorrow to thank you all for your lovely wishes   We are officially PUPO after today's FET  

Grey xxxx


----------



## deblovescats

hi everyone
dolphin-  welcome - we're a friendly and supportive lot on here - couldn't have got without them all! So sorry for the difficult time you've been having. I work in health, so support families, and know how difficult it is with a child with developmental delay- I've been giving intensive support to several families with that. Get all the help you can. I'll message you.
Grey - good luck, keeping everything crossed.
Lesley - glad you're getting a plan. Maybe it's an idea to get everything sorted out, then you can go ahead without thinking 'if only ...' 
Artist - good luck, go for it. 
Altai - well done!
Hi to Maggie
Ella - hope you're feeling better.
AFM - doing ok. My sister and I are in a bit of a truce state at the moment! she has kept quiet, but I know it's still seething below the surface. She's now saying she doesn't know what to do i.e treatment - so she's not certain about going ahead. I think it's finally sinking in about the odds of it working. She's just taken my mum on holiday to Antigua so they came back relaxed and refreshed. I'm just taking it day by day with her at the moment. J is his usual delightful and sociable self. we've been swimming this morning. I'm working out now when to contact the clinic for a review appt so am definitely going ahead. I so want him to have a sibling. I just need to get some help in weaning him off the breast! Can't have tx till I've stopped! 
Good luck to you all
Deb


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Ok - up this morning and feeling fresher and actually able to respond than I was last night  

Maggie - thanks so much for swooping in with your best wishes   I really appreciate that  

Ella - it sounds like you have the beginnings of a plan   that always helps me to feel like I'm making some sort of progress. Fx for finding the right clinic for you  

Dolphins - welcome to the thread   Belated happy fortieth.....I'm sure we can all attest that it isnt ALL bad after 40   sorry to hear about your bfn and certainly sounds like you have your hands full with LO. I hope you're getting all the support you and he need  . Re the next steps, I like to plough ahead straight away but I think the best thing might be to delay for a while as you clearly have plenty on your plate just now. No harm doing the follow up appointment - it might give you something to think about / consider whilst you take a couple of months or so out. It's really friendly here so just post whenever you need to  

Lesley - thanks for your good wishes hun   Knowing about the cysts is a you'd thing I think, and I woukd defo have them out.....you might as well get everything **** and span so to speak before you get started again - it has to be a positive thing   

Artist - thanks for sending me your good wishes   Sounds like you need a break from rushing around   where would you do your immunes if you do? They're so expensive, aren't they, but you can learn so much from doing them. Fx for getting next cycle sorted....Dogus you think?

Deb - thanks for your kind wishes too   You do have a tense situation with your sister   but I think you're doing the right thing....all you can do is just get on with things ..... And concentrate on you and James who as usual sounds divine     exciting news re you planning to go again  

AFM - so FET was yesterday. I was super nervous beforehand.....ridiculous. I don't even know why   Haven't had much sleep whilst we have been here as its been pretty noisy so i will be glad when we get home this evening and looking forward to seeing our fur babies   and just enjoying my PUPO bubble for a couple of weeks  

Grey xxx


----------



## Dolphins

"Thank you" all for your kind responses ladies, and your belated 40th birthday wishes to me, much appreciated!.  

Deblovescats - "thank you" for your supportive word's.  You are right it isn't easy having a child going through developmental delay, but I shall look forward to receiving your pm.   xx

We are definately going to our follow-up appt. this afternoon, and we have now prepared ourselves with a list of questions we are going to ask the Dr. even though he may not have the answers to some of them.

Anyway!  I'll let you know what happens. 

Bye for now.

xx


----------



## Sabiha

Hi all you wonderful ladies  

I really hope that you are in good spirits and having a better time than me with your fertility journey!

I'm 9 days past ET and I feel I'm coming down with a cold; bones hurt, restless night tossing in bed (slept but did'nt rest), runny nose and funny throat - in other words THE WORKS!

Feeling a sadness creeping up that my little one is not going to make it if I get sick! Cried while driving to work, crying now as I write this....feeling useless and just plain awful  

All I want to do is lie inside the warm merino blankets at home and sleep!

God bless to all and apologies for being such a downer ATM

Sabiha


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Sabiha - don't be down on yourself....I'm sure your embie will be able to cope with your cold....it's so stressful thus journey so many things to make us worry   I forgot to take my clexane last night so now I'm worrying I've ruined everything as its only 2 days post transfer   we will both just have to wait patiently with fingers crossed  

Grey xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Sabiha stop worrying sweetheart, your baby would survive if you got a cold, things will be fine so just relax and enjoy being PUPO        

Grey  I am sure everything will be fine for you too, you and Sabiha have made it this far so try and enjoy it xx

Artist I have had to get a dog walker for my new pup,  as my new job means I can't get home on a dinnertime, so I am right there with you on the stress of trying to cater for furry friends.  My job isn't secure so I am a bit panicked that it will end before I can get a loan for the next ivf.  So many worries we all have,  wish I could wave a magic wand for us all and just give us what we want.  Been venting a lot on the steppies thread so therapeutic  

Dolphins how did your apt go?

Altai Ella hope you are ok.

Debs glad you are in truce mode with your sis, do you mean shes not sure whether to try for a baby at all or if she wants to go donor egg? How is she with JW now she knows he is DE is she just the same?  I hope she is xx

Altai Ella Sally hope you are ok xx

Sushi are you checking in if so hows it going with the twinnies?

Feefs big   for you xx

AFM just waiting for a date for my refurb, working hard, looking after my menagerie and praying for a lottery win xx


----------



## Sabiha

Grey / Lesley / Ella - thanks for your kind words   

AFM - on top of my ill-health, I had a fever last evening and was quite reluctant to take any meds at all. DH called our DR who said I can take paracetamol so I did and at least the fever is down. The runny nose is killing me though! I feel in better spirits but can't wait for my health to return to normal. 

I pray it will be worth it and I'll be rewarded  

Spraying baby dust on all!


----------



## Altai

Sabiha - so sorry you are not feeling well. Do you suspect immunes?
When i was in Lister , they said that cold during 2ww doesn't effect embryo chances for implantation. Wishing speed recovery. 

Grey - congratulations on being Pupo. Fx for the successful2ww.

Ella - how are you doing? Try spanish board to find out more about Spanish clinics. 

Dolphin - happy belated Birthday.

Deb - good to hear you are finally in peace with your sister. Yes, the odds are quite low but I believe there are some golden eggs even at that age it just a matter of keep on trying to find it. But it comes with such a huge price  tag ...

Lesley - hope things will improve with job. Same here to be honest. 

Artist - good luck for your June plans. I think abroad is better as its much cheaper  than in the uk but anon. As it looks like even de might require several attempts. 

Afm - getting ready for one last oe go in April. the clinic insists  on fresh trf as chances are much higher than frozen. Am hoping I will have enough to freeze and for trf. Though  cannot afford to get pregnant now. Why its never a good time to get pregnant?


Hi to all who I missed and hugs

A.


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## LellyLupin

Altai your 'why is it never a good time to get pregnant' comment made me smile, it never seems to be does it.  I sometimes wonder if its like in the old movies, where the Greek Gods are standing around a small pool watching us and they throw in a few stumbling blocks when they feel everything is going too smoothly    Wish they'd b*gger off!


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Lol Lesley   Good description

Altai - good luck with your next go....do you think you will go for the fresh transfer then .... Even with bad timing?  

Grey xx


----------



## deblovescats

Hi all
Yes - swimming with J is amazing - he's so happy in the water! Just love sharing his enjoyment of life - everything's a wonder to them at this age! He so lights up my life - I so hope everyone on the thread gets this opportunity. He's a very happy and sociable baby - his chuckle is so infectious. And his eyes - so blue and full of life. I'll try and download a photo! I can't imagine life without him. I went for a lunch with work colleagues last week - he was the centre of attention and loved it - it's amazing how people see what they want to see. A colleague said J looks so much like me - his eyes etc. Maybe the clinics do a good job with matching! It's reassuring though.
AFM - my sis is otherwise occupied at the moment - she has to go for her safety refresher at work - so that's at the top of her agenda for now. She wants to have a discussion later on - she said her 'issues' have not gone away. At the end of the day, it's her decision. She prevaricates about everything though - still hasn't contacted the clinic for appt. She's not sure whether to go ahead with tx or not. One positive is she adores J - DE or not. 
Deb


----------



## Altai

Lesley - my friend put  it differently, she said the devil likes sh...ng in one pile. Seems to be so true right now. 

Deb - glad that you finally got a break from sis issues albeit short break. 
Maybe she just have to do at least one ivf to fully appreciate what her chances would  be. 
I've couple of friends who are still planning to have children (first children) and  Looks like they think it'd  be so easy. One is 47 now and overweight, made negative comments about ivf born children. It put me off from telling her that am doing ivf.  Am not sure how she' thinking she'd have a child at her age?

Grey - don't know yet. All will depend on my afc this month. But on D3, I think  I should have reasonable n of embryos left. The problem for me is when going to blast, that where I've almost none suitable embryos left. 


Best of luck to all


----------



## Dolphins

Thank you ladies for your warm welcome,  

In regard's to our follow-up appt. on Weds. it just confirmed what we already knew sadly, and that was because we had such a poor fertilisation rate in this cycle, this sadly point's to poor egg quality because of my age, which ultimately reading between the lines mean's egg donor.  

Therefore, the plan for us is that we are going to use our frozen embryo up next, whenever we are ready, and then if this doesn't work we are going to go to donor, and as the problem is with my eggs, then we'll have to use egg donor.  This is obviously not ideal, but if this is the only way that I can get pregnant again, well! That's the only way!  The Dr. say's that at my age I only have a 10 - 12% chance of it working using my own eggs now, this success rate increases to about 35% using egg donor.  However, our Dr. said think carefully about going ahead with donor, but the way I see it now is that if we have no choice, we have no choice! However, upsetting this may be for me!

Anyway! Before we get to that, we are going to hope that our frozen one work's, and next time the Dr. is going to do something different, and put me on some steroid medication, on top of the usual FET drugs, so it will help with my uterine lining, in case it is that instead of the embryo quality that is not making the embryo implant.  So at least the Dr. is going to try something different, so that sound's positive, however if it's not that he said, he said that he can't do anything if it's the embryo quality.

Finally! We found out this morning that our son has been referred to the Community Paediatrician now, so after a 3 mth. waiting list we should be seen by them, so we are probably talking summer time.  Then, once he is seen by the Community Paediatrician, they will take it from there reg. what specialist's he will be seeing in reg. to his condition/s.  We didn't know whether to be pleased or not.  We are now glad that he is on the waiting list, but we are obviously not glad that he has to be referred to them, but then again they should be able to help him and us now, so mixed feelings. :/

Anyway! Bye for now.

xx


----------



## deblovescats

Dolphins
Just tried to send you a message but it was blocked so unable to send, sorry.
Deb


----------



## Daisaki

Hi everyone hope you don't mind me joining the thread.  I'm really gutted just got another BFN,   we have been doing pretty much back to back ivf since this time last year.  Both natural and medicated with no luck what so ever! Moved onto donor eggs  and again nothing not even a hint of  Pregnancy.  I'm now at the why me, tears what did I do to deserve this? tears and more tears! I know I'm not ready to give up but boy this getting pregnant journey is hard!


----------



## Dolphins

Hi Debs,

Try and send me a pm now, as I have hopefully corrected the problem.

Thanks for keeping on persevering.

xx


----------



## Coolish

Daisaki - for some of us, getting pregnant is hard, long and unfair journey. I think it can hit even harder when you've made the move the DE and still get a BFN, as it very often seems like the solution. I know how hard it is to pick yourself back up and try again, but it is worth it in the end. It had 4 failed DE cycles at one clinic and was really at the end thinking it would never happen. I did a shed load of research, which made me feel a lot more in control. I had some extra tests etc and switched clinics for a different approach and protocol and eventually, after 8 years and 6 cycles I had my DD as the age of 49. So please have faith that it will happen for you xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Hello Daisaki welcome aboard, we've all been where you are at now so totally understand your tears   This baby lark is a long hard slog for some but as Jules says people do get there in the end and its worth it, just think how much more you will cherish a little one when you do finally fall pregnant.  In the meantime we are all here for you  

Hi Jules hows Izzy doing?  Did you decide on a sibling yet?

Dolphin sounds like you have a plan in place, you will love a DE baby just as much as your son    I am quite excited about DE now when before I wouldn't even consider it.  Good luck with your appointment with your son, let us know how you get on xx

Altai I liked your friends saying, I might use that one  

AFM  Grrr why do people say such insensitive things?  Or am I just over sensitive?  I was just telling my American cousin about my hospital appointment,  and she said why don't you just get a hysterectomy,  after all you have no need for your womb now you are never going to have kids!  And this is a women who knows I've had ivf and long for kids


----------



## Altai

Lesley - oh my god, that was really insensitive of your cousin to say such a thing especially as she knows what you are doing. 

Daisaki - welcome. I can totally relate to what you said. 
it's a hard decision to make to move de and if it doesn't work it's devastating as what else to do. 

Dolphin- perhaps you could do a combo de/oe as you already have you little embie?  At least this way you can't be certain which one has taken off ...unless you'd prefer to know. 

Afm- my current clinic suggested I do not cycle this month but have a rest and do pipeline biopsy instead. It'd have been 4th back to back cycle, perhaps wise take a month break. I'd thought about uterine nk biopsy but doesn't look like it's going to add any value in my case. So, am doing endo scratch this month and cycle next month. Praying will have enough  embryos for transfer and freezing.


Xxx


----------



## deblovescats

Daisy - welcome to the thread - we've all been there and we're a supportive lot. Also, some of us have been lucky so it can happen! Good luck.
Lesley - I can't believe what your cousin said - but then again, perhaps I can! Just try and ignore such ignorant comments. My sister's away at the moment so it's calm, but she has AL over Easter and wants to have a chat. She's now saying she doesn't know what to do! So we'll see. 
Altai - I think a break from  treatment is maybe what you need - you get all psyched up and then when you get a BFN, it hits you hard. Recharge your batteries.
Hope you're ok jules.
Dolphin -hope you're ok. I'll message you.
AFM - went to meet some of the mums from Baby Group in town, as group not running over Easter holidays. I've not had any questions from anyone re: age and single status - I don't advertise it of course, but no one has questioned me, so feel better about that. I took the step of ringing the clinic today and have booked a review appt for 5th May to discuss proceeding with FET cycle later in the summer. So I feel quite excited about that - though obviously I know it's not easy and may not work. I'm thinking of maybe having an attempt in August as James is one in July and we're planning a holiday first. I'm taking James with me to see the clinic - they said it was fine to bring him - even though I know he won't be aware of it! 
Deb


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## deblovescats

Sorry Dolphins - my message was still blocked. I've saved one in my outbox and will try and send it again.
Deb


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## Daisaki

Thanks for your words sorry my first post here was all me me me   it is good to see some of you have been successful congratulations and enjoy those little gems! I'm feeling a lot more positive today ready to move on.   It's such a roll coaster for us all but if like me your still trying keep happy and only think one day it will be me!


----------



## Dolphins

So sorry Debs, I'm convinced I have sorted it now, so please, please try again!  If it doesn't work this time, I will contact the moderator's of FF asking them how I can unblock it!

Many thanks for your perseverance.   xx


----------



## deblovescats

Don't worry Dolphins - I'll try again - I know what technology is like!


----------



## Maggiephatcat

Dolphins said:


> So sorry Debs, I'm convinced I have sorted it now, so please, please try again! If it doesn't work this time, I will contact the moderator's of FF asking them how I can unblock it!
> 
> Many thanks for your perseverance.  xx


Give me a shout, Dolpins, if you're still not able to receive messages. I'm not techie by any means but I would get an answer and resolution for you 

 to everyone else.

Maggie xxx


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## Greyhoundgal

Sorry to be a misery ladies it's a bfn for us   can't reakky understsbd it as our blasts were 4aa quality and two were hatching so not reakky sure how we could have had better   My lining was over 9mm and I was on increased pred   really miserable about it.....hcg was 7 so a chemical. I'm off the meds and after a few days wallowing I will get to planning next steps....can't help wondering if immunes are at play here   might have to do some tests.

Daisaki - welcome to the thread hun  

Ellaa - sounds like your plans are coming along now  

Dolphins - sounds like you've got a plan  

Lesley - how are things going?

Altai - think a break might do you good my dear  

Deb - glad you enjoyed your group - must be good to meet some other mummies  

Grey xxx


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## minxy1969

hi Everyone, 

May I join this thread?  I am blessed to have an almost 2 year old daughter and had a 5 day blastocyst in the freezer which I had transferred on 26th Mar.  My OTD was today although i started testing a few days ago and it is a BFN.  I stupidly had so much hope when the embryo was transferred but throughout the week my hope has been failing and I just feel deflated and gutted.  

I know I am so lucky to have my daughter and I feel I have no right to feel so sad compared to other people but I can't help it. 

I guess time will heal but I know this is the end of the road for me for having another one.

Thanks for listening.

Mx


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## LellyLupin

Oh Grey I am so sorry chick    I sometimes think its all just the luck of the draw, no matter what we do, what tests we have, how perfect the situation is sometimes I think fate just steps in and deals us a horrible hand.  So sorry for you as its shattering when you have so much hope to be let down, I get so angry for us all at times when I see awful people having babies and people who deserve them are denied.       

Welcome Minxy of course you can join us,  whether you already have a child or not you have a right to feel sad when you get a BFN its really horrible to go through xx

Hope everyone else is ok, Altai I think you should have a little break for your body to have a rest and probably your mind too, just for a little while xx

Fifi hope you are ok?


AFM very tired today as little Max (the pup) went to be spayed yesterday and he has cried none stop since,  feel very very guilty that hes so distressed poor little soul.    Still waiting for my appointment, still longing for a little person to love you know the usual .  Hope everyone is having a good Easter break despite the crappy weather xx


----------



## Coolish

Hi Minxy - sorry you have to join us, but I do have a pretty good idea of how you are feeling. I have a 15 month old DD and we went for TX last November with the remaining blasts from our only successful transfer (which resulted in the more than gorgeous DD). We followed the same protocol, I even had another hysto, and the cycle was a BFN. I think when you eventually do get pregnant (and we all will on this tread) you start to dream a little that your frosties will work just as well as those embies did the last time. I was gutted and in disbelief as I actually thought it might work. 

We are coming to terms too with DD looking like being an only child. I am exceptionally thankful and to be honest still a little bit in wonder that it did work that one time and my life finally changed.

greyhoundgal - so sorry to hear it was a bfn, I'd been following and rooting for you in the background. Do you know what you'll do next?

Lesley - hopefully your appointment will come soon. Max is just giving you a taste of the sleepless night you'll be having when you get your little one 

Ellaa - have you got a date for next cycle then? 

Hi and happy Easter to everyone, Debs, Altai, Dolphins, Daisaki, Sabiha and fififi (if you're listening in)


----------



## Altai

Grey - am so sorry about I was really rooting for you.
Perhaps better do a fresh cycle? I know some clinics say that fet has the same chance or even better. But others disagree (my current clinics is one of those). Also,  my concern would have been time running out. Take your time to think about next steps.

Ella - best of luck with your surgery & hysto hope all goes smoothly so am upcoming cycle. 
I had scratches and hysto before though nothing seemed to be working. Likely egg quality issues rather than anything else. 

Lesley - hopefully appointment will come soon.  

Minx- welcome but sorry you have to join the thread. 


Hi to deb, Daisaki, dolphins hope all goes well with you. 

Afm - taking a month break. Still undecided what to do -scratch only or better go for uterine nk cells? Money (or loans to be precise) is tight at the moment but don't want to have regrets afterwards as next cycle my last oe cycle. 

Wishing everybody a good Easter


----------



## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

Just a quick post to say that I hope that everyone is having a good Easter (well if you can, if you have had a recent BFN).  

Anyway!  I hope that you can all have a relaxing Bank Holiday weekend.  

Bye for now.

xx


----------



## Sabiha

Hi all,

Welcome to the new girls on the thread   and huge hugs to those who got a BFN from their cycle. 

AFM, I've tested twice, on 17 dpo & 19 dpo and both were BFN too! Although, still no signs of AF and 34 days since LMP. Not even bothered doing BETA tests and just waiting for AF to show up. Maybe it was a chemical this time, maybe not! Next, I might try using my frosties before another fresh cycle. Not one to give up easily and by using the frosties, at least I will spare my body from another round of hormone injections. Keeping the faith I (we all) will get pregnant by the end of the year  

What a journey!


----------



## chooshoos

hello ladies,

I guess nobody really wants to join this thread, yet I read the love and support and care oozing from the messages you post, and if you are in this position there is no better place to be  if I may, can I join you?

We had 2 5 day blasts donor egg transfered on March 20th, we tested after 14 days and it was a BFP - we were in shock and disbelief! We started to get excited and ordered some books, like most people we have become a bit expert in infertitility but we are amatures at the whole pregnancy lark. 

Not sure what went wrong, for sure never will; something I ate, maybe my age or weight, I had a couple of luke warm baths, our dog jumped up and landed straight on my belly, I swam in a hotel pool, it was a full moon......! Whatever it was, 4 days later I tested again and it was a BFN, so I tested again and BFN, I went out and bought more tests and tried again the following morning and no surprise: BFN, no ambiguity there!

So, like you lovely ladies we find oursleves back to square 1, we decided last night to get back in the saddle asap, whatever is the quickest way to go for another cycle. AF has yet to arrive, which is a pain as she is knocking on the door with nasty cramping and a very bloated tummy, but as soon as she is done and dusted we will get this show on the road again.

my biggest worry is time off work, getting days off at short notice to travel for treatment is the biggest stress for me, I am even wondering whether to tell my boss - not sure what her reaction would be, she has kids and is generally very empathetic.

Sorry for the monologue, I guess I just needed to get it out of my system


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Ahhh Chooshoos   So sorry to see you here - I read your post in the pregnancy clubs as I've been covering the moderator there whilst she's on holiday  This journey is heartbreakingly hard but one thing is for sure - this is one strong group of ladies and we can all empathise with where you are at. Sadly, the most likely cause of your loss is chromosomal though that does not make it any easier to bear   I worry about time off work too. Just trying to plan my next cycle and I have something in the work diary almost every week for the next two months....I thought I'd be pregnant by now so it wouldn't matter   I work in a. Very male dominated industry and whilst my boss is lovely he'd be obliged to tell H.R. and his boss and then everyone would be judging me.....it's never easy is it? Hope you and DH are being good to each other  

Sabiha - so sorry to read about your bfn   Glad to hear you've already got next steps in your sights   Hope you are ok nonetheless - the bfns are tough  

Ella - good luck with surgery  

Ladies thanks all for your kind words   I'm pretty much set on a fresh cycle but serum is closed until next week now for orthodox Easter so I will wait until then to discuss.  No AF yet so no need to make any plans just yet. I probably would rather go sooner than later but worried my body is a bit out of sorts following cycle treatment, MC, surgery, hysto, antibiotics, cystits, more antibiotics, FET treatment and now stinking cold and rattling chest   Probably best to wait a while  

Grey xx


----------



## Sabiha

chooshoos - Sorry to hear about your loss. That must have felt crazy to build up your baby hopes only to find out later that it was gone!   That's just total madness! You're one strong lady hun   Also, I know its easier said then done, but try not to stress out with regards to telling the boss about taking time off from work.

Grey - A bfn is always tough. More so after you spend all that energy and money into the process. Thank God as a couple we're both very resilient and strong individuals and don't get knocked down easily!

AFM - Well, its day 37 of a really crazy long cycle! Still no signs or symptoms of AF. Last AF was more than 5 weeks ago! I felt I had to test again; bought another brand test (3rd one this month) and tested yesterday morning. The digital screen said 'not pregnant'...nothing new there! So can the universe tell me where on earth is my period Seriously!!! You know how they say that pregnancy tests are 99% accurate; could I be the 1%? Dare I have a glimmer of hope that I could be with child?

UPDATE: After almost 38 days from my LMP, finally AF decided to make an appearance this morning. Am kinda glad that cycle is over. We can now get on with the rest of our lives. After all, its not like we're not trying to make it happen. The way I regroup and find peace within myself is knowing that I'd rather spend the rest of my days with my darling husband who's the love of my life than bringing an unhealthy child into the world! Yes, we are spending a lot of energy and finances into it but what's most important in life needs tons of work to make it happen. And if nothing else happens, we still both feel closer together as husband and wife ever since we jumped on the IVF bandwagon - a baby would be our cherry on the cake.


----------



## LellyLupin

Hello Ladies

Welcome to the Chooshoos, happy to meet you but sad that you have joined us in the nicest possible way, sad that you didn't get your dream this time    One thing is for sure you are in the right place for support, we've all been through the hellish rollercoaster ride,  but we've got a lovely community to hold hands with on the downward slopes xx

On the work front I really think there should be more support for people going through ivf, looking through my companies handbook there is a lot of support for those going through adoptions, those who have special needs kids etc,  and nothing for those going through ivf only unpaid leave which is at managers discretion (which means nothing in my company).    Doesn't seem fair when its such a hard thing to go through.  I didn't tell a soul about my ivf at work partly because I didn't want to be judged and partly because I knew they'd hold it against me, I work in a very male dominated environment same as Grey.

Sabiha I love your attitude,  so sorry you weren't the 1% but so happy you and your Dh are so happy together it must make it so much easier to bear xx


Grey hope you feel better soon chick xx


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Thanks Lesley hun   How's your little dog now after being neutered? Hopefully all back to normal now    Know what you mean about work and ivf....exactly the same at mine - 5 days unpaid (REALLY - no idea how they think a measly 5 days would help?) so I just preferred not to be judged and keep it to myself.....much like you hun  

Still full of cold and chesty cough but onwards and upwards  

Grey xx


----------



## deblovescats

Hi everyone
Grey - so sorry about your BFN - we all know how you feel, so be good to yourself.
Sabiha - sorry about your BFN - as you say, you can enjoy life with your darling hubby. I'd love to have someone to share life with, but unfortunately haven't met anyone, but ever hopeful! 
chooshoos - sorry that you have to join the thread, but welcome to you - you'll find so much support on here. The girls on here got me through my BFNs and gave me hope! 
And it can happen - I have my darling son, amazingly he's now 9 months old! Be planning an amazing birthday for him soon! 
Altai - I think it's sensible to have a break - treatment is so draining, you can recharge your batteries and then go for it again.
minxy - I agree with jules, after having a BFP, you think that you've cracked it, and that if you try for a sibling, it will also work! Although it does mean  you know it can work! I am planning on trying for a sibling in July/August, got my review appointment booked in May to plan ahead. Excited, but realistic, and so grateful I have my gorgeous little one. I so hope everyone else can have the joy. 
Lesley - hi  - I know what you mean about time off being dependent on management. My sister who is now deliberating about what to do - some of you know the saga, would find it almost Impossible to do as BA (who she works for) does not give even unpaid leave for IVF. I don't know how she'd fit it in. I ended up taking annual leave or time owing for treatment, as I didn't want people to know at the time. However, employer is good - and offers 5 days paid leave for IVF treatment, but only once, so I think I might try to get time off this time as I didn't claim it before! Might as well take advantage of it as most people struggle to get time off. AFM - sister saga ebbs and flows - we've had a period of calm, but a few days ago, she was spoiling for a fight - I just answered in a non committal way and she kept coming back and challenging and saying she didn't think I wanted her to have tx and did I want to be the only one with a baby! I ended up saying I wasn't going to have that conversation! Obviously she can make up her own mind as to the decision she takes, but I get dragged into it, as if she went ahead and was lucky, she still assumes that I will look after the child when she's away for work! I know it sounds petty but she doesn't help me out either - except for cuddling J and playing with him. Anything practical, she avoids. She has only changed one nappy helped out by grandma, and hasn't dressed him, bathed him, doesn't help clear anything away or help with push chair etc. I don't expect her to run around after me, but a little help occasionally would give me a break! She freaks out when he has a dirty nappy and she doesn't even change it! I said to mum that if she did get one, and she was around, I won't be changing any nappies! My mother thought it was mean! I know I should let things go, but I struggle to let go as I was so hurt - she soured some of my pregnancy as I felt I had to play things down as she was jealous/upset. So I feel like pay back time - I know that sounds terrible but it's hard to be the giving one! 
Anyway, rant over! 
Good luck to anyone cycling.
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Hi Grey  Max is back on form lol  In fact naughtier than he was before    We had one day of crying and now the the whirlwind is back.

Debs  wow I can't believe your employer gives to 5 day that's great because most don't.  I can't believe James is 9 months already how time flies, hope you do get a sibling for him.  On the sister front why should you always be the one to back down, it works both ways, shes hurt you and spoilt what should be a joyful time, she does sounds rather selfish at times.  Your Mum should see your point of view.  My sister still isn't speaking to me and my niece is getting married so I obviously won't be attending.  I can't believe I have been sent to Coventry for 5 years for giving my sisters husband a job!  If I could turn back time I'd just let her lose her house.  Teach me for trying to do family a favour!  Families can be such pains at times and can cause a lot of hurt xx


----------



## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

Thanks Debs for your message the other day.   x We are fortunate that our son has always been in the hospital system because he was born prematurely.  We are due to see the physio. and O.T. again this week, so we shall see what they say.  He is pulling himself up again consistently, and has now taken a couple of steps along the furniture this weekend for the first time, and he has begun to wave in the past week, so again more positive steps, just hope that he doesn't regress again.  Hopefully taking him to swimming lessons again this week, which should ultimately help him.  

I am also going to chase after the Community Paediatrician this week, to see if they have any idea when he his going to be seen.  I will update you on this, if I find out.  


I am suffering with bleeding and physical pain in my abdomen at the mo. and I am not even on my period.  I have been to the Dr's, and he said that he think's that I am still just recovering physically from my last fresh treatment cycle, about 6 wks. ago now, and if in 2 or 3 wks. it still hasn't cleared up then I will need scan, and tests.   I am sincerely hoping that this won't be the case.  He did say to take painkillers, mainly Parecetamol, but I am, and these are not doing anything for my pain! ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH! Another cribe at treatment, I "hate" with a passion all the IVF/ICSI stuff, why can't we just be 'normal' women ladies! Anyway! Enough of me ranting, has anyone else had bleeding and bad abdo. pain as a result of tx, 6 wks. after they had treatment from a fresh cycle?  I would be interested to know.

We went to Lightwater Valley on Thursday, for my belated 40th Birthday treat, and it was such a good day, and the sun came out for us too.  I surprised myself too! I didn't know that I would have the nerve to go on the 'Ultimate' ride, and the underground rollercoaster at my age, as they do say 'you get more scared' when you get older, and I so 'loved' these rides when I was younger, but I did! I had the nerve to go on them, and got some pictures to prove it!

Anyway! Hope you are all keeping well.

Speak to you soon!

xxx


----------



## Kitan

Well I really didn’t want to end up on this page (I’m sure you all understand).

After 2 failed OE IVF cycles I have just had a tandem IVF cycle at Dogus with Dr F (with PGD) in which four grade A blastocysts were transferred (one of mine, three from 25 year old donor). Unfortunately this has resulted in a BFN on Saturday. The doctor told me ‘I would be pregnant and my lining, uterus and womb all looked fine’ but alas not a single one took. I had cramps and what could have been mild spotting around day 4 of the transfer (small brown discharge size of a 5p piece) and heavy period pains on Friday before the BFN test (no period as yet).

I just don’t know where to turn or what the problem is. Someone has mentioned getting a full immune package done ‘including a scratch before and intralipids’.  Where would I go for this?  What is it and how much does it cost?

Physically I am fit and well (aged 40) and my consultant inferred the only problem was my egg quality which is why I went with donor. 

I just don't know where to turn.  I don't want to give up but I don't want to go for it again if there is a problem with me hence the reason the embryos won't attach.  This cycle alone cost us £8,000 (including travel) so I'm not sure what to do.

Sorry for all the questions but was just hoping you lovely ladies may have some advice?

Hugs xx


----------



## Altai

Kitan - so sorry you had to join us. 
Unfortunately de cycles sometimes don't work first time.
Do you have any frosties left? Hopefully second time lucky. 
Have a look at the immune board and agate' file on immunes - there is plenty of information there. 
Some tests you could do via GP though mine did only few for me. 
Dr Gorgy works quite expensive, some say thorough but  I am not convinced that all that proposed testing is really necessary for everybody' circumstances. 

Dolphins - sorry about your pain, don't know what to suggest. Hope all goes smoothly won't your son' appointment. 

Afm - still deliberating whether to do scratch only or just bit a bullet and go for a endo nk cells biopsy. He latter is much more expensive though. 

Hi to Lesley, deb, Sabiha, chooschoos  and all other who is reading this. 



Xxx


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## Crystal Lil

Hi all. Looks like it's time for me to join this thread too. We had a fresh IVF cycle last August but it was cancelled due to OHSS. We had 8 5-day blasts frozen. We tried a FET cycle in Dec/Jan but my lining didn't thicken up enough, so it was also cancelled. We've just done our 2nd FET cycle and I got a BFN this morning at 13dp5dt. I'm sad about it - I had been feeling pretty hopeful right up until I actually peed on the stick and then I just couldn't imagine that it would tell me I was pregnant - and there we are. It didn't. The FET cycle seemed to have gone well - lining was 13mm, blast was grade 4AA... My OTD is actually tomorrow, but I think the chances of the result changing by then are pretty slim, from what I understand.

We have 6 frosties left - they thawed 2 for this cycle and one didn't make it. We don't have any more 4AAs but the rest are all still high quality - 3 are day-5s and the other 3 are day-6s. Our treatment has been through the NHS so far but we are thinking of switching to a local private clinic so that we don't have to go back to the end of the waiting list for our next cycle. I can't stand the thought of having to wait another 6 months just for the next one not to work as well. We have decided that we want to give it 2 more goes and then release ourselves from the roller coaster. Does anyone know if there are any steps that can be taken to increase the chances of success with FET, or is it just the luck of the draw? I've been doing acupuncture, the clinic used embryo glue, I'm on cyclogest & estraderm patches...

Warm wishes to you all. Lil x


----------



## LellyLupin

welcome Lil and Kitan so sorry you've had to join us  but a very warm welcome xx

Lil so sorry you got a BFN its so horrible waiting for that test and getting that result.  I honestly think its just the luck of the draw I really do, others will disagree with me but I've seen people on here do everything there is to do and spend a huge amount of money and still have no luck.  What do the other ladies think?  Those of us who got pregnant what do you think made the difference?  


Lil can I ask how you managed to get NHS help, I started this at 40 and was told we wouldn't get any help but I see people on here over 40 who do, just wondered how that came about?

Kitan I was also told that I would be pregnant and that I had a higher chance than most of the ladies in the waiting room despite my age, I wish doctors wouldn't say things like that to us as it makes it worse when you get a BFN.  Then they do the its your old eggs routine after the fact, so annoying.  I had all the tests and am still not pregnant so I still think its a luck of the draw situation x


----------



## Crystal Lil

Hi Lesleylupin. Thanks for the welcome. The rules changed regarding age limits for NHS treatment around June 2013, I think. My story is - I lived in New Zealand for 5 years and was about to do IVF there when I found out that my dad had cancer so I decided to move home to Scotland straight away (thankfully he's well now!). That was at the beginning of 2012. By the time I registered with a GP and got an appointment to ask for a referral for fertility treatment, it was 10 days past my 38th birthday and my GP told me I was too old to be eligible (she was pretty brutal about it actually) as I think you were supposed to be under 38 to get on the waiting list, which was 2 years at that time - in Glasgow anyway. I changed GPs and begged my next one to refer me so I could at least try more rounds of clomid (already had 5 failed clomid cycles from NZ). I tried 5 more rounds of clomid (killer) and that didn't work. I then had a review appointment with my consultant and was expecting to be told that was the end of the road for me in terms of NHS treatment - but by that time (mid 2013), the NICE guidelines [http://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg156/chapter/1-recommendations#access-criteria-for-ivf] had changed and they had extended the age limit to 42 (if you'd never had ivf before, either nhs or self-funded). So I was put on the waiting list at the age of 39 and started treatment when I was 40. I think I only get funded for one cycle but they count the transfer of any frosties resulting from the one fresh cycle as part of that.

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


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## Kitan

Hi all,

Thanks for the kind words and support.  Sorry to everyone else who has had a BFN.  I feel your pain Crystal Lil....I was convinced it was going to work until I took the test out of the package.  I just knew but was still blown away when there was only one line there!!

Altai - my head hurts with all the tests.  I just don't know what to do....scratch, NK cells, immunity drugs/issues, hysteroscopy....it's all so confusing.  I contacted the clinic and they told my my 'endimitrium' was fine so not sure they're implying I don't need to have things like the scratch done.  I've been told I can try again in June and they will treat me with the immunity drugs but I want to make sure I have as many bases covered as possible.

They discarded 2 grade A embryos and told me it wasn't worth freezing them as they had gone to day 5 and fresh is better.  I was quite disappointed by this.

Lesleylupin - I agree.  They told me I would definitely be pregnant and kept calling me 'pregnant lady'.  So you could imagine how I felt when I got the BFN.  They shouldn't get your hopes up like that.

Another lady posted on here after my post and I didn't get a chance to reply to her.  Her comments were really supportive but looks like the post has been removed.  Just want to thank you.

xx

x


----------



## deblovescats

Hi Kitan and Lil
Sorry you're having to join the thread but there are lots of very supportive women on here! It kept me going. And it can work - hold on to that thought! 
I had 2 BFNs at one clinic, one fresh, one FET, then changed clinics and got an amazing BFP with DE - I now have a gorgeous 9 month old son, who lights up my life - and those around him. I didn't have anything different done before cycles, the only difference was I was on cyclogest pessaries at the 1st clinic, then on ultrogestan pessaries vaginally at the second - don't know if this made a difference. I had no symptoms on any  of the 2WW. I'm now planning on trying for a sibling maybe in July/August with the frosties. So just don't give up - and although the stats are much higher with DE, it doesn't always work - I think we think it will.
Good luck.
Deb


----------



## Crystal Lil

Thanks Kitan and Deb. Kitan - I absolutely hate peeing on sticks. Been doing it for 8-9 years and never once with the result I wanted, so I really have to steel myself to do it. And I am constantly amazed by the insensitivity or - I suppose - lack of understanding that I come across amongst the health professionals I've dealt with. They really seem to struggle with managing patients' expectations. I know they want you to stay positive but calling you 'pregnant lady'?? I'm a bit stunned. The staff at our clinic were mostly all very warm and kind but they still came out with some absolute corkers sometimes. 

I wish you the very best of luck with your next cycle, Deb. I hope it works out for you. I hear you that persistence and tenacity is what we need. I was on the verge of throwing in the towel the other day. I feel like I need to put a limit on how much longer we allow this to dominate our lives. I spoke to a friend the other day who is also going through fertility treatment with his partner and he said something along the lines of 'it's an awful expensive way to make yourself cry'. Ain't that the truth. Anyway, I won't feel sad and disappointed and hurt for ever. I think it's worth trying to make the most of our frosties and hope that we are successful. x


----------



## LellyLupin

Lil  whats even worse than the health professionals are people who already have kids telling you to just 'move on'.  Oh Ok I never thought of that    unless you have been in the situation its impossible to understand and comments like that just hurt all the more.  I get sick of people writing me off or just assuming I am ok with the situation.  I feel so lonely sometimes when people tell me what they are going to be doing with their kids on a weekend, then I come home to wonder how I am going to fill the days.  Can you tell I am feeling sorry for myself today    I just feel I am missing out on so much and time is ticking away.  Anyway got my pre-assessment at the hosp on 13th May so going to crack on after that (depending on what they find).  xx


----------



## deblovescats

Lil - I think that's sensible - I think you have to set a limit for yourself as to how long you'll carry on or you'll go crazy. I had nearly a break of a year between 2nd and 3rd cycles - needed just to go on holiday and be 'normal'! Recharged my batteries. I am so grateful for my darling James. 
Lesley - good luck with your hospital appointment. I know how you feel with people with kids being so insensitive and always on about what they're doing at the weekends and holidays with their little darlings. I know I've got my baby now, but I know how it feels when I was childless and would hope not to rub it in. I used to get so fed up at work sometimes with them talking about their children, I'd offer to go and make the drinks just to get a break from it! Hope your assessment is good news Lesley.
AFM - very busy at the moment as mother is in hospital having a gynae op - sis is away for work so obviously guess who's got the fun of visiting etc. As she doesn't drive either, it was me taking mum to hospital for 7.30 am! Then we had to wait as they'd no beds. Sis looked after J for me but he got beside himself and was staring out of the window saying 'mama'! The ideal thing would have been for her to be able to drive!!! I got back to be informed that he smelt and she thought he had a dirty nappy - didn't change it of course as she thought it would upset him! And this is someone who would like a baby!! We had a bit of an emotionally charged conversation the other day - she is still obsessing but not getting on with any decisions! She said that she hasn't told mother about DE but she thinks I should. I said it's nothing to do with them and she knows why I haven't. That said, my sis adores him and she said it makes no difference to her. The latest is that she doesn't want to die alone and be found months later and no one looked for her! She said if she had a child they would look after her. I said not always and that isn't why we have children. Feel better now I've got that off my chest. Heigho, back to visiting hospital tomorrow.
Be good to catch up Lesley - in person!
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Aw poor you Debs sound like you are 'Mother' to your sister too.  Are you sure she'd cope with a baby of her own?  I wish she'd stop with the DE thing, I bet you go hot and cold when she mentions it, its not her decision to say anything its yours!    I don't think I will say anything if I fall pregnant, not even to the child I don't want them to feel they don't belong to be wholly if you know what I mean.  I was at Mams today looking at old photos and did get a pang of it won't inherit certain key features of our family,  but then most of us look so different from each other who would really know,  I certainly don't want a child of mine to inherit my terrible migraines and poor eyesight so it does have its pluses.  

Can't wait to meet you and James Deb so exciting to be able to talk in person, no dancing bananas!

Feefs hope you are ok, hello to all the other ladies on here hope you are all doing ok xx

Lil  I did the time limit thing, I was only meant to have one go at ivf, it does seem to take you over, sometimes it becomes a full obsession of beating natures odds xx


----------



## Altai

Hi ladies,

Deb - looks like you have a lot on your plate at the moment. Hope  all goes well with yr mum' op. 
Tbh when reading about yr sis not changing James' nappies, started thinking that never done it myself 

Lesley - good luck with yr hospital appointment, fx all is good. 

Kitan- yes agree it's so many tests which I am not sure all r relevant. Tbh, am a bit sceptical about all this immune issues/treatment. But have done most of them just not to be sorry and have regrets of what ifs... If they haven't been so pricey ...
Scratch is to help with implantation by casing a bit of inflammation and has a temporary effect.  Not really immune treatment. 

Afm- going to have endo scratch next sat with dr Gorgy. Was a bit surprised when Sharon his receptionist told that they do scratch 3-4 days before the next period. When I googled ladies were talking about having it done on d21of the cycle. 
Last oe cycle in May and then a break for could of year to hopefully sort out finance and personal life. 
I just want it to be over last cycle I mean and get back with my life. 

Good w/end everyone


----------



## gpk

Hi Ladies, 

I am sorry to jump into the thread.

But I feel you can give some input on my "VER BAD" cycle  

Just to give some background: I am 41.
I was having my 2nd cycle of 3 cycle package. This was my second cycle of the 3 cycle package.
Last month went for scan, AFC was 4. So doctor said it is upto me to wait for next month, if my AFC improves. This month AFC was around 10 and unfortunately the cotor who suggected me to go for stims if the AFC was good was on Easter holiday. I asked nurse to check with another doctor and asked if i can go for simulated. Nurse didnot call me till 10 pm..(eventhough i tried her mobile at 7 pm, it was going to voice mail). She called at 10 to tell that i have to go with natural !!!...
Next day i called clinic again and another doctor said, whatever nurse said is true and if needed i can still go for stims..i missed first day of my stims..I took the stims and i had EC yesterday. They collected 6 eggs , at least 3 were of good size i think (more than 20mm)..
Another thining, on day 9 of scan doctor said, i may need to stim till weekend, (to compenate tfor the missed one day ), but the same nurse, was tellig me to do the EC on Friday !!!...

Today embryologist calls only one fertilised but very poorly ...(not sure what happened to others)..She doesnot give proper explanation...

I am not sure how such good sized follicles can have such bad fertilisation ( never had this in my earlier cycles). I am very sad and at the same time angry wih the clinic to be so careless about my treatment ..I feel I made a wrong decision to go with this ..

Trying to figure out whta might have caused this..
-Whether stims have caused this issue
- whether they are covering some issues in the lab ?

Please help me with your inputs , it is very hard..

thanks
~g


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## Altai

Gpk - am sorry your cycle hasn't gone well. 
Do you mind me asking - are you with Create? I had a similar experience when cycling with create, complete disorganisation and if you have a question you don't even know who to ask there. I started cycle with afc of around 10-12 follicles, ended up being on 300u and only got 2 eggs. Oh and  they called it 'mild' ivf. 

Did you have icsi? Have you y been on the same drugs both times? Perhaps change of drugs will do a trick? From my first experience I know gonal f is a no no for me.

Hugs 

A.


----------



## gpk

@Altai: yes it was Create. 

It is quite hectic at work for me, so i couldnt travel abroad. I had failures at ARGC, so needed bit mild/natural.

Yes all 6 eggs had icsi. 

-Yes change of drugs might have worked (if the doctors/nurses had good monitoring.
I was also told that I will get a call after my scan/bloods, but they didnot call to confirm.(unlike previous cycles)

I am not sure why they are like that. It is our hardearned money and we compromise everything (work, family/friends etc), just concetrating on medicine/food/and exercise ..In the end it is just another patient for them..

{I am sorry if the "Create team" is monitoring these messages . But I feel they should be open to take these feedback rather than seeing this as bad for them }


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## gpk

Just got a call from embryologist saying the "one" out of six, which was not good quality (which she was not optimistic about it yesterday). has divided into 5 cells today.. and she is freezing it.


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## LellyLupin

GPK good news that you have one to freeze, that clinic doesn't sound too good judging by your experiences there.  My clinic wouldn't freeze just one so that's a plus for them, hope its 'the one' for you  

AFM  feeling very emotional, think its because my op is getting closer so things are moving along again, just want to get on with it, I so want a little family of my own and I am hearing a load ticking


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## Crystal Lil

Lesleylupin - I'm feeling really emotional too. It's so hard, isn't it? I read your earlier post about feeling lonely and meant to reply but I've been 'off grid' the last few days just trying to get through the disappointment of the bfn. It is such a lonely business and you're right that it's so difficult for anyone to understand if they haven't been through it. 

gpk - sorry to hear you've had such a difficult time of it. Your clinic does sound disorganised which must be very frustrating and upsetting for you.

deb - you do sound like you're looking after a lot of people. I hope someone is also looking after you!

altai - good luck with the endo scratch. I hope it makes the difference for you.

AFM, I'm feeling completely exhausted & drained at the moment. AF arrived on Sat and that was hellish.  I have an appointment with a consultant at our new clinic this Thursday. It will take a few weeks to move our embryos, I imagine, so I don't think we will be starting any more treatment too soon. I don't know how long they will make us wait, anyway, since we have only just finished the last FET cycle. I could probably do with a few more weeks to gather myself together anyway. One thing I'm looking forward to with going private is hopefully having a little bit more control over the timing of things.


----------



## LellyLupin

It is Crystal, I am really good when I am busy but in the quiet moments it really hits home, then when I am tired I wonder if I would cope anyway but deep down I know I would.  I look after animals instead to use up my mothering, so far I have a dog two birds and two hedgehogs, its got to come out somewhere I guess  

Hope everyone is ok xxx


----------



## Greyhoundgal

So much to catch up on! I missed you ladies  

Lesley - how are you doing Hun? Glad to hear little max is back to his normal naughty self lol   hope you're feeling more positive about the future   Emotions are natural - you're bound to feel that way  

Crystal - how did you get on at the new clinic? Hope it went well. Know what you mean....I felt totally wrung out from AF this week  

Gpk - one is good if you're banking....fingers crossed for another good one next time around  

Altai - how is everything? A little (Russian) mummy bird told me it was your birthday a couple of days after mine   hope you had a lovely day   how was the scratch? Where are you cycling for last OE cycle?

Debs - your sister really does sound like a one   A selfish individual   on the upside James sounds like a doll and love your updates about swims etc   all you can do is try to rise above her behaviour....

Kitan - sorry to see you on here....I moderate over on the Cyprus board so I was very sorry to read your update   It's so hard to get your head around   It just doesn't make sense sometimes.....I find a plan helps me but some ladies need some time out....be gentle on yourself  

Feefs - hope you're doing ok Hun  

AFM - we decided not to cycle this month. I was all geared up for it but when push came to shove we decided I'm way too run down for an OE cycle   the latest thing is a cold sore I've had for a week now   no fun. Honestly, this year appears to have been all about being unwell and run down....the miscarriage, two lots of medical management, Erpc, coughs& colds, hysteroscopy and discovering retained placenta left from the Erpc causing an infection.....more antibiotics. Then cystitis, more antibiotics, prep for the FET cue more antibiotics for my hidden c, failed FET, chest infection and finally cold sore   Honestly, you couldn't plan it   So it didn't seem clever to go into an OE cycle which asks so much of your body   we will see what things are like next month....

Hope everyone else is well......really missed FF when it was off line  

Grey xxx


----------



## Altai

gpk - that's good news about freezing. One of my (ex) clinics doesn't freeze D3 embryos and only blastos good quality. Needless to say I've parted with them. 
and you shouldn't be sorry if create team reads or monitors this thread. at least they would get some patients opinions, at times it felt like a compete mess over there. 

grey -  thank you. I think its a good idea to take a break to recover after all you've been through. 

crystal - how did the appointment went? 

Lesley - when is yr op? fx all goes smoothly.

deb - hi hope all goes well.

afm - no scratch this month, meant to have it done today but af turned up earlier.  it never happened before, usually my periods are regular as clockwise. 
the clinic (actually not the first one)  said fresh transfer is better in my case don't think I liked to hear that thou..... but then given my previous performances of how many times I got to blasto stage, possibly best course of action 


hi to all who I missed and who  is reading this.


----------



## fififi

Hello all,

After longer than I'd anticipated I've finally built up courage to start posting again. Typical that my return co-incided with FF being down ... I was very concerned at first that my membership had been wiped as not posted for about 2 months!

Lots happened since I was last here and only on little device so virtually impossible to read back far so personals won't be great I'm afraid.

Big hello to those new ladies who've sadly needed to join us. Not able to see who's who and quite what's been going on but I wish you luck if you're about to cycle again.

I recall someone askng about testng. I'd say definitely worth getting NK cells tested via cell biopsy as relatively cheap and can make big difference to implantation if your count is abnormal.
Other testing I'd recommend is Serum 7in1 and the hiddenC test they also offer. Again fairly cheap and having an extended period of antibiotics prior to cycling could make all difference.

Lesley - am sure your op will be fine. Just think of it as having makeover on the baby room!!! Once all set up ready baby far more likely to want to settle in    
Hope good days outweighing bad ones   

Debs - glad you're still loving life with James. Your sister isn't going to change sadly. Like my "evil sister" it's clear that she's too absorbed in her own world to realise not everyone thinks & feels the same as her. And in fact her opinions are not shared by all. What to her ae flippant comments can be incredibly hurtful to others.

Grey - sorry to see you've been so run down. That's a lot for anyone's body to have to deal with so think its sensible to give yourself time to recover. Unless you're in good place at start of cycle your body won't be able to respond to best of its abilities either. I know you're keen to cycle again as soon as possible but really do think you'd benefit from getting you sorted first    

Altai - how's things going? Hope things improved for you since I last read your posts   

Sushi - not sure if you read these posts anymore but in case you do I wanted to say hi and am hoping all going brilliantly with you and twins   

Am sure I've forgotten someone - or quite possibly lots of some bodies!!! Sorry if that's you xxx

AFM - I'm delighted to say I've managed to reach 12 week mark. Been pretty bumpy journey so far with several visits to EPU due to bleeding. I've been really blessed that the consultant who runs the recurrent MC clinic I attended in past also has weekly scanning clnic where she does reassurance scans. I've certainly needed reassuring!!!! I've now been officially transferred to antenatal and been told that my MC risks are now same as anyone else - wahoo!!! This afternoon, after waiting 6 years to do so, I got to tell my DD she was going to be a big sister. I knew she'd be pleased - since that's pretty much been the first thing on her Santa list for last 3 years - but her joy and excitement was possibly even greater than mine. She's gone to bed full of plans for how life will be once her baby arrives. (Just got to hope that this one really is a keeper and my happy ever after really is on its way    )

Now looking forward to seeing who's next to get two lines


----------



## LellyLupin

Just a quick hit and run to say congrats to Fifi so happy you are now enjoying your pregnancy  xx 

AFM nearly lost my Mum to respiratory failure so have spent since Friday evening in the hospital.  Have come home for a sleep but can't relax enough to do it.  Shes doing a bit better now but shes exhausted.  Please send me some strength and prayers for her and I will catch up with you all later.  Much love to you all  

Debs sorry to miss you again, those Greek Gods and their pool are throwing me some obstacles again.  Will reschedule when Mam is stable and I dare miss a visit to the hospital.  xx


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Lesley - sending you a big hug   Really hope that your mum is going to be ok  

Altai - best of luck for your cycle  

Feefs - so delighted for you and your family   Brilliant news  

Grey xxx


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## fififi

Lesley    
You & your mum are in my thoughts tonight. Hope she improves quickly and is home again soon.


----------



## Altai

Fifi - congratulations!!!  so happy for you, wishing you a smooth and uneventful pregnancy.

Ella - am sorry things are taking a bit longer than you'd have wanted.  I also read somewhere  on mr google that some clinics want their patients to have one natural cycle after hysto.  But probably it depends how deep or invasive was the procedure in a first place. 

Lesley - so sorry to read about your mum. That must have been a scary thing. Thinking of you and hope yr mum is going to be well. 

Grey - take it easy and relax b/f next cycle. 

Hi to gpk, crystal and to all who I missed.  


Hugs

A.


----------



## Sabiha

Hello all,

Welcome to any new ladies who had to join the thread and wishing you all the best in your fertility journey.

Congratulations to Fifi and best of wishes for a great pregnancy  

AFM, I'm back after sometime off from FF, and possibly cycling again as when AF shows up. Had fun ttc naturally but what are the odds? Our doctor sent us the drugs and the next time would be our 4th. try at IVF. Let's see...if & when I start, here's hoping the antral follicle count is a good one!


----------



## fififi

Thanks for the good wishes. 

Lesley - how's your mum doing? Do hope all is ok. Thinking of you lots    

Ella - sorry to hear that consultant at quite late stage considered fibroids might be an issue. Although frustrating now it make sense that your uterus is as baby friendly as possible to maximise your chances when you do get to cycle. Hiccups along way always lead to best cycles in my experience   

Altai - hope AF returns to proper schedule next month and you can have scratch & cycle then. Let us know when you get going   

Sabiha - wishing you luck for your upcoming cycle   

Hi & hugs to everyone else


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## LellyLupin

Quick hit and run post Mum update.  Finally a diagnosis Chronic Asthma, shes doing well breathing without the machine and could be home this week    So happy and hoping now we finally know what it is they can help her not go into big attacks.  Will catch up soon xx


----------



## fififi

Glad your mum has improved and hopefully future episodes can now be avoided. Hope she makes it home quickly.
Hugs to you as must be extremely tiring even having good news


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Sabiha - glad you've had some fun ttc naturally   good luck with cycle number 4

Lesley - great to hear they know what it is - what a relief   And the asthma will be able to be managed well so that's great news. Pleased for you and for her  

Ella - sounds like you have a lot on your plate   try to make some downtime for yourself too  

Grey xx


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## Sushi Lover

Hello to all my lovely friends on here... 
Lesley, debs, grey, Altai, Ella, artist, cooljules, Fifi, salad  ... And to all the new ladies.. Sorry you had to join this thread.

I literally have NO spare time to come on here and catch up with you all. So sorry. The twins are keeping me so busy. They are hard work at mom with colic and acid reflux. I'm loving being a Mum, but cannot wait for this stage to pass!  We all cry most days!! They are growing well and weigh 8lbs now. Proper little characters and I love them more than i could ever imagine. Everyday I thank my lucky stars and cannot believe they are here!

Just a quickie for Fifi... Did I miss your initial BFP post?! Or have you kept it a secret for 12 weeks!!!  So so very happy for you lovie. You deserve it. In fact, everyone on here deserves a BFP. We've all been through tough times in our journeys to become a mum. 

I hope to start personals again once i get into a proper routine with my little angels!

Lots of love xx


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## Greyhoundgal

Ahhhhh Sushi   how lovely to hear from you   And to hear thst you and thr twinnies are doing well   I'm sure crying every day is perfectly normal   hope you're getting some down time too   Keep us posted my lovely  

Grey xxx


----------



## fififi

Sushi - glad you & twins are all home and they're growing well. Early days with reflux & colic not fun with one, let alone two! Hope they're letting their mummy get some rest every now & again. Lovely to hear from you   

I hadn't posted on forum during early weeks after getting BFP as was very nervous it was going to be yet another early loss. I'd sent pm to most people on here but forgot about you - sorry! Delighted to have made it this far but still quite bundle of nerves, especially now I'm not having weekly reassurance scans. Supposedly having cervix checked next week as risk I'll need stitch so hoping they'll check baby ok at same time. Just wish my body didn't have 101 additional complications that meant once pg still lot to consider. Keep reminding myself I overcame all the odds once before so hopefully body will do it again.


----------



## fififi

In need of some urgent positive energy/prayers/finger crossing. Been really unwell and now scared that it may have affected baby. Am seeing consultant tomorrow as needing to check whether I'll need a cervical stitch or not. Already I was nervous about that and now having huge wobble.
Would love to start enjoying my privileged position but just so scared it'll all go wrong again.

Sorry for me post - will post properly soon x


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## Greyhoundgal

Feefs - posted on the pregnancy clubs replying to yours there.....thinking of you  

Grey xxx


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## fififi

Thanks x


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## Coolish

fififi - congratulations! I must have missed your announcement! When it's been so difficult to get pregnant, it's really hard to sit back and enjoy it like so many other people have the 'luxury' of doing. I worried about every twinge or cold that I got. I ended up having extra private scans to put my mind at rest... then I developed gestational diabetes... and had extra scans anyway  It's usual to feel like this. Hopefully your consultant appointment goes OK today. 

Ellaa - I have fibroids, 6 of the little beggars. My various hystos showed them not to be in the way, so they were left alone. If they were removed though, on the positive side, would the effect be a little like implantation cuts or a scratch?

Hey lovely Sushi! So pleased to hear from you. I know how much hard work one baby with colic was, so can't imagine juggling 2 of them  Hopefully it will pass soon. I found Dr Brown's bottle really helped DD.

Hi to everyone else, Lesley, Altai, Greyhound etc xx


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## fififi

Quick update (& hi to Cooljules!)
Baby fine & about right size - most relieved! Not such good news re my body as looking likely I'll be recommended cervical stitch. Back at hospital in 2 weeks for another cervix measurement so they can decide what to do. So bit more additional finger crossing & wishing now going on. (On positive at least I'll see baby again in 2 weeks.)


----------



## Dolphins

Hi ladies,

How are you all?

I'm laid up at the mo. full of cold, with a busy week in front of me, so I don't really need this!  

Anyway! I don't know if I have told you about my son, but he is on the waiting list to see the Community Paediatrician at the end of this month.  His appt. in fact his just over 2 wks away now, so we are eagerly awaiting it, hoping that maybe not in the first appt, but eventually they will be able to give us some answers.

We have just received a disturbing Speech and Language Therapy Report about our son, that states that he has either significant/some difficulties in most areas of his communication, inc social interaction and play, which has clearly been perturbing, and still is, so the appt. with the Paediatrician can't come too soon.

Sorry about my son post, but this is what is mostly on my mind at the mo. I will talk 'fertility or rather infertility' some other time, if you don't mind.

Take care.

xx


----------



## fififi

Ella - hope all progressing ok

Dolphin - hope your cold goes quickly.
It's horrible when your son/daughter has something wrong & you're not able to figure out what. Not surprised the appointment is on your mind. Sorry to see his problems are affecting so much of his social development. Hopefully once "in" the system the paediatrician will be able to find ways to help you all.

Hi & hugs to everyone else. DH away in India so I'm busy being both mummy, daddy, cleaner, cook & attempting to go to work in between - hence no time for personals.
Xxxxxx


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## deblovescats

Fiffi - glad everything's ok with little one - stitch sounds painful, but if it does the trick! 
Dolphins - I'm sorry to hear about the speech & Language assessment - it sounds to be a very anxious time - hopefully you'll get some answers with Paeds and you might get a plan about how to support your son with his communication skills. I'm rooting for you.
Ella - I found out I had 2 fibroids as well - didn't know they were there as didn't cause me any symptoms. I was informed they were not in the way for IVF. I kept having them pointed out on baby scans but didn't cause problems thankfully. When I had the C-section, the consultant mentioned them but not to worry about them, so it isn't all bad news with them. Good luck with  getting some answers.
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Just a quick hit and run to say , big hugs to Feefs and Dolphin stay strong girlsxx

Sushi hope the babies are a bit better and you are getting some quiet moments xx

Looking forward to seeing you soon Debs xx

Hello to everyone else  xx

Hosp appoint tomorrow for pre-tests for op for ovarian cysts, 3 of just over 4cm and some problem with fallopian tube, can't wait to get sorted and a refurb for baby room fingers crossed    IVF consultant wants everything out of the way for the best possible chance for pregnancy.  Mum doing well  catch up with you all later xx


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## fififi

Hope all goes well tomorrow Lesley - definitely makes sense to have baby room refurbished. (Both my Bfp cycles I had hysteroscopy or laproscopy fairly soon beforehand)
Keep us posted as to date for actual op & what they're going to do


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## deblovescats

Hi all
Good luck Lesley - with op - best thing to make sure everything is prepared for a little one!
Hope you ok fiffi.
AFM - been to Sheffield for a review appt with nurse to discuss plans for a sibling. Took James along with me - he loved the train journey but it was pretty stressful managing him, a bag and a buggy on my own - thankfully people were helpful on route! J enjoyed the hotel as well. Appt went well - nurse thinks that it should hopefully go ok - as I got a BFP, and the other embryos were also 5 day blasts like J. She said the thaw success rate was 90% for them. I just need to wean J off the breast and wait 3 months to let periods settle down. So I have an appt booked for Sept - then it'll be all systems go. Getting quite excited now. I said that people keep commenting that J looks like me and the donor nurse said she thought he did! J was his usual engaging self.
As for sister situation - we are muddling along at the moment but nothing settled really. Last week, we had a bit of a verbal 'bust up'. She thinks I don't emphasise with her 'problem' and that I don't support her. I just said it's her decision and she has to do what she feels is right - but that doesn't suit her. I just said I couldn't see how she could fit treatment in with her schedule - she doesn't have regular days off etc. She then said did I not think that she deserved a child just cos she worked for an airline! I said of course not, but I was being practical and emphasised how cycles are timed very rigidly. We still have the issue that I would be expected to look after a child - we don't ever seem to move the conversation on. I'm quite sick of it really. She still hasn't made a decision but time is ticking away .... She's also very suspicious about me and my plans for a sibling. When I was on FF the other day, she said was I still looking into IVF obviously for no 2! In all innocence I was just browsing the threads . She accused me of being secretive last time as I didn't tell her or my mother the exact day I went for treatment - although they knew I was going through it! I said I wanted to wait for the outcome of the test before telling them so I could deal with it in my own way. I'm fed up of us being tied as if we're dependent on each other - she has issues about me going ahead with tx for another child, although I just let her get on with things herself. She also has issues still about the fact I haven't told mum about DE - but I know I'm right not to- mum keeps on about children not being their own - such as my cousin's adopted daughters and one of them now has a son, not being theirs. I said they obviously think of them as theirs. I was having a discussion about older women having tx and how some go through DE - mum thinks that they're not theirs, so I don't see how I could really tell her. Ignorance is bliss really. I worry my sis will blurt it out one day! I rarely give a thought to it now - I love J unconditionally. 
Sorry for the 'poor me' rant! Feel better getting it out of my system.
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Gosh Debs this sister thing is getting quite out of hand.  Would it help for you to write her a letter if you can't talk to her face to face, telling her that you will support her whatever she decides,  but she must make her own decisions and you must make yours?  Shes obviously jealous and struggling with her own indecision.  Or maybe you could suggest that you go through treatment together if you are going for it again in September, that way she would feel part of it and you would have some support too?  I knew she'd be a constant worry when she found out James was DE, but if she had her own DE baby would she understand more and keep it to herself,  or is she thinking about using her own eggs , in which case would she be spiteful if it didn't work and spill the beans  Honestly families!!  I am with you in the not telling your mother camp, I wouldn't tell my family either, my worry is now you can get these DNA kits, would my baby find out eventually and be devastated that I didn't tell them.  Why can't it be simpler its such a rollercoaster of worries!  Something to discuss on the 24th xx

AFM  my appointment went well and I am going in on 19th June.  I was shocked that I would have to have two weeks off I thought it would only be a week.  They said I might have to have a fallopian tube out as there is something growing/blocking it and my ovarian cysts and fibroid have to come out.  How will I be afterwards does anyone know, is it painful, will I be able to drive?

Hope everyone is ok, hope you are worrying less Feefs xx


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## deblovescats

Thanks for the support Lesley - looking forward to meeting up too! 
Glad you've got an appointment through - at least you know you're moving forward and can maximise the chances of it working. 
As for gynae op, you do need to take time to recover. My mother has had a vaginal op for a prolapse and was told to take it easy for 6 weeks. 
I have 2 small fibroids but they'll be monitored when I go for cycle. 
Hi to everyone else.
AFM - it is like living on a volcano - both mum and myself never know when she's going to erupt! sometimes things are very calm, and then in a flash, it all comes spilling out. She's been referred for CBT but no appointment yet and she won't chase it up. I think it would be very beneficial if she has it. As for OE or DE, not sure which direction she's moving in. She always used to say she wanted her own biological child and not anyone else's but I think the reality has struck, but I think she doesn't want to admit it to herself. She just prevaricates with everything and then says how awful her life is! Then she wonders why I don't say what I'm doing! I'm so glad I can chat to you guys and get it off my chest.
Sorry for the 'me' post.
Deb


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## Greyhoundgal

Deb - you do seem to have such a tough time with your sister   I don't know what to say....I can't believe how self centred she seems   you do come over as immensely restrained.....I think I'd have given her a piece of my mind and a few home truths by now  

Lesley - good to hear appointment went well and the full on renovations sound like just the thing   I would take at least the time the doctor suggests to take off.....we Are all far to quick rushing back to work after these things and you do need to rest and recuperate..... 

Fifi - I do follow your updates on the pregnancy clubs but don't post too often as don't want people thinking the moderator is poking her nose in all the time   but I do read every day so pleased to see things are better  

Dolphins - no such thing as a me post on here   If you can't have a good rant on here then where can you? Sounds like a worrying time and easy for me to say But whatever the outcome it's better to know....even if it is autism then at least you'll know and be able to support your son with information and support   Have you tried the parenting boards too as that might be another place for you to post too with parents in a similar situation or even further ahead with diagnosis.....might help for this time not to be so fearful making for you  

Ella - yes I tried castor oil packs. Don't know if it made a difference but didn't harm   I quite liked the excuse to sit with a hot water bottle for a while every evening   not after et though....embies are v susceptible to heat. When is et??

AFM - those of you who know me of old will know how unreliable my AF can be (must be combination of flushing meds out and being slightly pco).....not detected ovulation with an opk but very slight rise in temp on cd 25 so it's going to be a LONG old cycle   Just mAkes planning for the next treatment a challenge as I can't book flights (or holidays with work) until AF comes....annoying. I'm not stressing though. No point  

Grey xxx


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## deblovescats

Thanks for the support Lesley, Greyhound and  Ella.
Hope everyone's doing ok.
AFM - sorry for the 'me' rant! The situation's getting worse. We all had a lovely afternoon - took sis and I took mum and J to Sealife Centre - he loved seeing the penguins and the fish. Then when we got back we had a massive row - it's just like walking on egg shells! Sis is very depressed, has appt  for CBT thankfully, she thinks her life's empty, might as well be dead(!) - talk about upsetting for everyone concerned. She talks about being defined by tombstone in death - not to say 'mother of ...; She thinks I don't want her to have a child, when haven't said that. I am just concerned she can't cope with outcome if doesn't work out. She wanted a discussion but when I mention about practicalities of fitting treatment in around her job, she thinks I'm saying she shouldn't have one because of shifts. She thinks I'm not supportive as I mentioned difficulties of me looking after her child if she had one. She is also angry about the possibility that I might try for a sibling - she doesn't know that I am planning this. I just said that I would be trying at some point. She doesn't think it's fair that I could have two or three more (!!!) and she might not get one. She thinks if I have another one, I wouldn't be able to look after hers, but why should I not have the chance. We are not tied together. We should both live our own lives and I'm fed up of being made to feel selfish because I'm concerned about looking after a niece/nephew. She'd have a fit if I said that I was planning on trying in Sept/Oct. Mum and I are so sick of the aggro! She also brought up that I should tell mum about DE - I reiterated why I'm not telling her. She said she doesn't think any less of J and loves him to bits, but I said it 's a generational issue, elderly people don't really understand about the whole issue of fertility treatment, and having experienced her views on adoption/donor egg, I'd be concerned that she won't cope with it. Why upset her when she loves having him. Sorry for the pouring out of all this angst! Thanks for understanding girls.
Deb


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## fififi

Debs    

Really feel for you. Your sister's jealousy and overall sadness is being taken out on you. All your responses are the normal "right" ones but she just can't see that.

It's so hard when someone close to you is hurting and in such bad frame of mind. I really hope she doesn't let her own anger and sadness cause you deeper harm by saying something to your mum about J. Though sadly I think you ought to maybe start thinking about what you'd say to your mum afterwards if she did. I'll see if I can find a website I visited when first considering DE which had basic but v positive article on how epigenetics when mother carrying her child through pregnancy has big effect on the baby.

Can't understand at all how anyone would just expect their sister to be carer for their child on such a full on basis. It doesn't seem to make sense that she wants a child but not willing to change her lifestyle to them be with that child. I wonder if that will change should she get that far. For now it seems that she's reached a point in life where she feels she "should" have a child. She sounds terrible depressed and unhappy so CBT can't start soon enough. I don't think she wants a child as such but actually she wants a different life. There's nothing you can say/do that will help her see that without being seen as criticism or spiteful on your part unfortunately.

Where you can try and distance yourself from her. Stay strong yourself as what you're doing is RIGHT and don't let her sadness hurt you


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## LellyLupin

Hi Ella & Grey, Grey hope your AF comes soon xx

Debs Are you not going back to work after your maternity leave, is this why your sister thinks you will look after her child?  If you are going back to work why not turn the tables and say you would like her to look after J and see what she says to that.  It sounds like her issues run much deeper than the baby thing and shes using it as an excuse to vent.  If she wants a baby she has to get on with it and stop focussing on you, she'll never know if she doesn't crack on will she.  You are entitled to have as many kids as you want and she is being incredibly selfish and jealous. I'd lay it on the line and tell her in no uncertain terms how you feel.  I know shes not well and is depressed but she'll have you in the same state the way shes going.  On the DE I would be blunt and tell her its not up for discussion and you will never forgive her if she tells your mother.  She has to see she can't push you around and bully you which is what it seems she is doing at the moment, shes blaming you for all her woes.  Trying to support her doesn't seem to be working so I would try a different approach.  Tell her you will support her with whatever she does and that you love her very much, but you WON'T be minding her kid and you WON'T be made to feel bad for living your life. She needs a kick up the backside otherwise shes just going to wallow and not get on with making her dreams happen.  I know its easy for me to say,  but shes really distressing you which is horrible for us to see xx


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## deblovescats

Thanks fiffi and Lesley so much for the valuable and pertinent advice - you guys are spot on as usual! 
Looking forward to catching up with you Lesley on Sunday - will try not to off load everything on you! Hope everything going ok with you fiffi.
I just feel like we go round and round in circles - I know she's so unhappy and depressed, but it's hard on family members. She appears to have cycles of depression every few years - so it's here we go again. I know that it's not just a baby - it would be something else if not that. She has this idea that why doesn't she deserve a  baby - I keep saying it's not about deserving or loads of people out there wouldn't get one! And those who are unsuccessful but would make great mothers, do deserve. Life just isn't fair but we have to deal with the hand we get. I wish I could have met someone to have a family with but life didn't work out that way, and I don't moan about it most of the time - just decided to do what I could to get part of the dream- but we have to be proactive, and sis always prevaricates about everything  - she did about getting assignments done for uni - and who ended up typing them up the night before!!! Just because I've always looked out for her, being 2 years older, she hasn't grasped the fact that now we're adults we should sort out our own lives. She thinks we used to be best friends but not any more, we aren't as close, things aren't the sae and she's no longer my no 1 priority! She says hurtful things to me and mum and we're supposed to just put up with it. We've seen her through all her bouts of depression but it's wearing and I feel resentful that she's spoiling my precious time with J. It's not my fault she hasn't got a child. She put a dampener on the pregnancy and I think when will it all end. She's causing mum no end of anxiety - she thinks she's going to kill herself, as sis keeps saying things like she might as well be dead, she sometimes wishes she hadn't woken up, and her life is so empty. 
AFM - I'm going back to work (can't afford not to ) but part time so J will be in nursery 3 days a week. I have the option of going back to my full time hours in a year if I want to , but can't see me doing that - I don't want to have waited so long to become a mum, not to spend some time with J. Also, if I was lucky enough to get pregnant again, I wouldn't be doing that. So sis thinks I should not have another child as she wants one. She talks about retraining for another job, but when I told her she couldn't do that if she had a child, and that age wise it's not easy to do that, she took offence. She said she'd have to pay someone to look after her child for a few days if I wouldn't - I said she couldn't afford a nanny,  but she doesn't mean that - evidently she knows of a crew member who paid someone to care for her children (older) while she was away as hubby was in middle east. I don't 
think this service exists all over - and how could you trust them? She doesn't live in the real world.
As for DE, I do worry that she might spill it out about J and I have emphasised to her that it is my decision and she has to keep quiet about it. I think why she's also annoyed is that when she had follow up with GP a few months ago, she told her she felt more positive as that was before she found out about J being DE. She told GP that as I had a child with OE at 46, she might genetically also do so. I explained that this would not necessarily have been the case, but she said it gave her false hope and now she feels stupid and she's blaming me. I said I had told this same GP about DE, but obviously due to confidentiality the GP will not have said this to her. Instead of sis doing her own research and her common sense telling her how unlikely it was, she relies on me and what I'm doing. She even got referred to same clinic! Then she wonders why I keep my counsel about what I'm doing. J was really upset as well due to atmosphere. 
Sorry for another me post - but I needed to off load. As you say, I don't want to get depressed, I've got J depending on me. We were planning a trip to Malta to see a friend who wants to see J - but sis not keen on going as she'll be the only one 'without anything' as friend has hubby, her sister has fiancé and I have a baby - neither of them has kids. She accused me of only wanting to go so I can rub said friend's nose in it! I'm not like that! I think I might just have to go on my own!
Good luck everyone
Deb


----------



## fififi

Didn't get chance for personals earlier so quickly popping back!

Lesley - glad you've got a date. Sounds like quite a lot they're planning to do so not surprised suggesting two weeks off work. As for driving insurance is invalid for 48 hours after any general anaesthetic after that it depends on you in general. I'd check with hospital and your insurance company what they advise. Once my 48 hrs is up I tend to phone insurance company to check that my procedure not listed as one need medical signing off for first.
Must be bit scary needing so many things looking at but on the positive the doctor really is ensuring you've best chances for implantation.

Ella - you too have busy theatre slot booked! I'm convinced having hysteroscopy & extra deep scratch on day I started DR were key factors in me getting pg.
Hope you're not worrying too much.

Grey - hope that body starts behaving soon and AF comes so you can get ball rolling again. Will you be having FET or fresh cycle this time? So hoping it works out for you, you truly deserve some positive karma to come your way xx

Kirsty - how's life with twins going? Hope you're all getting on ok.

AFM - 16 weeks today! Still little bit surprised that all still there. Am telling work colleagues tomorrow - most concerned no one has said anything as have quite a bump already. My over eating of biscuits and cakes since xmas has obviously meant they all just think I'm getting rather fat!
Seeing consultant Friday to find out whether my cervix joining in with rest of my body on being pg or not. Really hoping it has decided to come on board as quite scared about needing cervical stitch and risks involved in having the surgery. Obviously risks of MC if need it but don't have it done higher still so if it's recommended I'll do it. Any spare fingers & wishes appreciated!

Hugs to all - so hoping and looking forward to another one of our "gang" joining me in the crazy, scary world of being pg. I've a good feeling that it won't be long


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## deblovescats

Fiffi - so glad little one hanging in there - good luck with the stitch. Just do what you need to hang on to little one. I know how apprehensive I was about telling everyone at work - but they were all pleased for - once they got over the shock that is! Glad it's going ok for you - you must feel so reassured having got to 16 weeks - obviously it's not all plain sailing then, but after 12 weeks, the risks of mc really drop! so it's looking good fingers crossed.
Deb


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## fififi

Thanks Debs - I'm taking chocolates in to work to celebrate so sure that will persuade people it's a good thing!!!! I told my Head Teacher last week as knew she was meeting with senior staff to sort out roles for next school year (Sept). She was really pleased for me - though I have caused slight chaos in fact I teach Spanish and there's not anyone else who can replace me! Plus since I will be back for first 6-8 weeks of term they've got to find me something to do!

Got to work now so no time to respond to your longer message. Really hope you are able to step back from your sister. She isn't being fair and is beginning to make my evil sis seem almost pleasant!!! Hopefully you & Lesley can have fab catch up on Sunday and this weekend will be a much happier one for you & J.


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## LellyLupin

Debs I think you should go to Malta on your own for the break from everything, it will do you the power of good,  and may clear your mind in a way forward with your sister if shes not there badgering you.  She needs to grow up and stand on her own two feet.  Shes got you all worried that shes going to kill herself but she won't,  its just a cry for attention and a feel sorry for me tactic. She'll figure it all out, we've all had to make our own way to get what we want as you have too.  I wish I had a sister like you, she should be happy for you not jealous, that's what sisters are meant to be there for.  I don't mind you offloading on me as I intend to pump you for baby information,  so it will be quit pro quo  

Feefs I am actually looking forward to going into hospital, silly as it sounds I could do with the rest from my hectic job.  I am so very tired lately, I feel weary and am looking forward to a few hours out cold with nothing going around in my head    DP is not so looking forward to it as he will have to look after Max for a few days (our very naughty puppy)  and I will be expecting cups of tea on demand for the first couple of days. 

So happy you are at 16 weeks and all is well, so many happy stories on here now,  nearly all of the original ladies on here are now Mothers which is reassuring.  I am hoping you will soon relax into this pregnancy and enjoy it, this baby is staying put this time so try not to worry. Have you picked any baby names yet?  I am always fascinated by the names people pick for their children.  Been thinking about mine just in case I do fall this time xx


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## Sabiha

Hi all you lovely ladies,

What a busy & exciting couple of weeks that was! I'm again starting another cycle today. It will be trickier being away from my business for a week now that it's summer and its generally busier but I have to trust that my staff will work as efficiently without my presence. We are doing our IVF treatment abroad and this will be our fourth try. We'll see how it goes this time 

Hugs to all and keep positive!

Sabiha


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## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

I haven't been on here for over a week now, but my cold turn's out to be Sinisitus now and an ear infection in the inner ear.  So now I'm on antibiotics, tablets for Vertigo, and ear drops.  This has been going on for the past 3 wks. now, and the Dr. has already said that it will take up to another 2 wks. to feel better. "Typical!" Just when my son need's me, reg. his issues, and just when he has started moving about, taking steps with his walker.

However, something positive to say! I have never been on the 'big' side, but I don't know! Having turned 40 this year, wanting to get rid of any remaining 'baby fat', and so desperately hoping that my next treatment will work - & mainly, wanting to give myself the best chance possible! I decided to go on a Slimming Plan, and attend a Slimming group, 4 wks. ago now, for the first time ever!!!!

All I need to lose really is a stone, to get me to single figures, but last week having only been on the plan for 3 wks. I hit my half a stone weight loss, and I came home with a FREE bag of fruit, and an award for being the "Slimmer of the Week".      I will get my award for the half a stone mark tomorrow, when I attend the group.  I lost 3Ib last week to get Slimmer of the Week, and I was in total shock as my target weight loss for that week was only 1Ib and not 3Ib.  I am therefore halfway to hitting my overall target, which I am so pleased about!  I look slimmer, and I feel slimmer!

I also feel that even if treatment doesn't work next time, I have the knowledge that I have done everything I can to change my lifestyle reg. eating more healthily, and exercising more, and that I have done the best that I can to influence it working.

Finally, only a week tomorrow until we see the specialist for our son.  I am not expecting too much from the first session, but at least we'll be able to take it from there, which is a positive. 

Hope you are all well. 

xxx
Modify message


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## LellyLupin

Well done Dolphin  I bet you feel a lot better for being slimmer, I am thinking about doing a cleanse myself but I am a bit worried about being hungry because that sets off my migraine.  It sounds like you have been really suffering lately so I am glad you are looking on the positive side  and finding a bit of joy in your success, 3lb in a week is a very good result  xx

Ella I go in on the 19th June.  What made you have counselling if you don't mind me asking?  I sometimes think I would benefit from a bit of counselling but I would be afraid of opening the floodgates.  I did have a tiny bit when I found out DP had had a vasectomy and we were deciding whether or not to have it reversed.  I couldn't decide if I really wanted kids but everytime we (the counsellor and I) talked about me being childless I just couldn't stop crying.  She said your body is answering the question for you    I think its very brave to go for counselling, I think a lot of us on here are the same sort of personality, caring for others more than ourselves and feeling responsible for other peoples happiness whilst struggling with our own. I know I have changed my attitude since my sister stopped speaking to me, it hurt like hell and I beat myself up about it for ages before I realised the problem was her issues and jealousy and not anything I had done, now and again I catch myself thinking about her but it doesn't hurt as much as it once did because I refuse to let it .  People can only hurt you if you let them as you say but if you are a soft caring personality its easier said than done to switch off isn't it.


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## LellyLupin

Oops forgot to say good luck Sabiha


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## fififi

A me post - sorry

Have been in hospital since Friday when scan showed my cervix beginning to open & risk of losing baby high. Had emergency operation Sunday to put stitch in to hold cervix shut. Came home last night & now need to rest and hope that body responds ok to stitch and this will keep my LO in for now. Been so, so scared.
Doctors unwilling to say what my chances of getting to a safe date are - most they would commit to was its "more likely than not" - and that really hasn't helped alleviate my fears. Just when I had started to feel little more confident life has hit me with yet another sharp blow.
I know so many of you are facing challenges at minute but if you've space in your wishes/prayers any extra support really welcomed.


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## deblovescats

Fiffi - don't apologise - we all need our 'me' posts at times! 
I'm so sorry you're having a difficult time - you most definitely have my prayers for your little one to hold on! You're certainly on a roller coaster but try to rest and relax - easier said than done I know. I think after a certain point, you start to hope everything's ok but life can always throw something else at you. How many weeks are you now? Your little one is a fighter to get to this point, so it can still keep going. 
keeping everything crossed.
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Sending lots of prayers your way Feefs  , honestly just when we thought you could relax and enjoy your pregnancy this happens.  Now you have your stitch in place  I am sure it will be plain sailing, can't wait for your post when your baby is safely here and I can send you some dancing bananas!

AFM feeling very tired all the time don't know why, really looking forward to going in hospital for a rest.  Just wanting to get on with things but wondering if I am up to it, I have bought some vitamins to try and boost me up a little.

Debs so sorry about Sunday, come Hell or High Water I will be there this Sunday I am determined,  I really want to see you before I go in hospital.  I have a million questions and I want to see James (and you of course).  The bathroom is still upside down,  toilet disconnected and waiting for parts.  But at least its all isolated and we have running water (in the pipes not down the walls) again, thank god for my lovely brother hes such a star and always knows what to do in an emergency.  We've not managed to get the curtain pole back up as the wall is still wet.  I couldn't believe it we were lucky not to have a fire as smoke was coming out of the socket on the wall.  So much for a relaxing weekend.

Ella glad your counselling is making you happier, one day I intend to go and resolve my childhood issues, my unstable upbringing has definitely had an effect and made me a people pleaser  and frightened to upset anyone, though I am much harder than I used to be xx


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## Coolish

Fififi, sending you lots of positive vibes. I'm sure the stitch and lots of rest will be just what you both need. When I was pregnant there was a lady on my thread that had the stitch and all was well xx


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## chooshoos

dear fififi,
since being active a few months back i have been lurking on this thread dipping in, but felt compelled to stop by and wish you and your LO all the best with your stitch in time, can understand the medics not wanting to be too explicit one way or the other, but that doesnt stop you being fiercly positive and determined, speak to LO, visualise her being nurtured and growing beautifully by your body, stay upbeat and do things that make you happy

stay well


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## fififi

Thanks ladies - your words of support & positivity are great help. Hoping that once the shock of events and lack of sleep from being on a ward for 3 nights wears off I'll start to build up confidence again.

Do think they need to develop IVf techniques so that once your pg you're already at 6 month stage to remove all the worries of those first months!!!

Hugs to you all


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## Sabiha

Hi ladies,

Thanks all for your positive vibes  

My husband has been persistent with one question lately. This cycle will be our 4th. try out of a 4 cycle package being done at Jinepol in Turkey. The doctor has been nothing but professional with us throughout. He even arranges our medicine and sends it via DHL since it is by far less expensive to buy from Turkey than it is from Malta. He has over 20 years of experience in the field of IVF & his first born son was conceived through IVF. My husband has been asking me if we should stay with the same clinic or find another one if we do not get pregnant this time. 

My feelings are that if we go with a new clinic, its like we are starting over from step 1. A new doctor, a new protocol, more time for the doctor/us to get acquainted with each other etc. Although, starting over anew is not entirely bad. However, I am more inclined to stay with the same clinic since they know our case well by now! 

There was also a mention of doing IVF locally but considering my age and the fact that IVF is in its infancy in Malta, I am reluctant to give it a go here.  Also, there is no way we could freeze embryos in Malta as it is not legally allowed yet. Lots of red-tape like that puts me off.

What are your views?

Sabiha


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## chooshoos

gosh, thats a difficult one isn't it - we are all going to hope and pray that its one you dont need to contemplate!

there is a head and heart side to this decision isnt there, on the head side I am reminded of the quote - the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, maybe a change in protocol or meds will actually kick start something for you, or a new clinic will suggest a procedure/option not available and you give yourself another avenue - maybe not

On the heart side I think we all understand the emotional investment you have both made in the clinic, in many ways some of the most stressful side of this rollercoaster is the lack of control and uncertainty so this comfort with your present clinic eliminates much of this, trusted staff, doctor, you probably even know the best nearby cafes and shops to buy what you need!

If you do move, I would go somewhere where IVF is mainstream, Malta is fabulous for many things but its not a leading light in this field, give yourself every possible chance. Spain? Prague? the travel connections will no doubt be important for you.

we are in a similar situation, we are about to go in to 2nd try at GEST in Prague, and if we are not successful I think we are very likely to move. For us we are pretty happy with more or less everything (Doctor, protocol, facilities, options etc) except the fact they cycle on 1st of the month so there are (for us) huge waits to cycle and between cycles and they are super vague on dates etc. we want more control and to move faster, so I have already been looking for plan B's. 

good luck!


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## Coolish

Personally I think a change of clinic can be a good thing. It worked for me. It's  fresh set of eyes on your situation. I'd had 3 failed DE attempts at a good clinic in Spain, with some slight changes to their protocol and even a 'look and see' hysto there (mainly to check the position of fibroids). I'd clearly come to the end of the road with them as their opinion was that the eggs were excellent, the sperm was excellent, the embryos were excellent and there were no issues with my uterus, so they were insisting on more of the same (their one size fits all approach). At the time they weren't interested in me trying steroids - they apparently do use them now.

I took a step back and did a lot of research on this site. There are some wonderful threads and I read Agate's FAQ. I did the hidden c test and tested positive so took ABs for it. I decided on a move to Serum. I spoke to Penny and immediately she was coming up with new suggestions based on a telephone call, which would be tailored to me. I had a Greek hysto where it was discovered that I had 'dead' liniing that had been damaged by the infection. This was removed and I had implantation cuts too. A new protocol, including clexane and steroids, and I had a BFP on my first cycle with them. 

It's good to take a little step back and do a little bit of research. Everyone is different - is egg quality likely to be an issue, or sperm, or the 'baby room', or implantation failures, or immunes... etc, etc... some clinics are better for different reasons.  It's worth narrowing some clinics down and having a chat with them. 

After 4 failed DE cycles (after OE in the UK)  I was feeling pretty down and doing the research helped me to feel more empowered and in control


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## LellyLupin

Sabiha, I agree with the other girls, I would probably move clinics and try a new set of eyes on your situation.  I know what you mean about your old clinic knowing you well but I still think its what I would do.  Wishing you lots of luck in whatever you decide. 

Ella what are you nervous about is it the anesthetic?  I wouldn't worry its all very safe now xx


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## fififi

Sabiha - I too agree that changing clinics might be good thing.
I reluctantly changed clinic about 4 years ago having been with previous one for 6 years. We were worried that as new patients treatment might go back a step but actually the opposite was true. The new clinic inspired us and as we went into a cycle with them felt a sense of hope and positivity we'd not had for a long time. Sadly despite all the positives my eggs were not up to keeping a pregnancy but how far we got with new clinic was much better. I'd gone from feeling helped to the clinic really wanting us to do well.

Ella - hope everything goes smoothly next week. Try not to worry as I'm sure you'll be in experienced hands


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## cornwall

Just want to add my thoughts to the clinic change discussion. We bought a '6 cycle' package so were committed to the same clinic for 6 cycles or until I got pregnant. Our 4th cycle was successful. At no point did we ever consider changing clinics. We felt this clinic had invested a lot of time and money in us. They listened to me when I said I didn't want a hysteroscopy and agreed with my decision. They always looked after us when we were there, helping to arrange taxis etc and allowing us to stay there all day (due to evening flights home) even though treatment had finished by lunchtime.

We are now trying for another baby, at the same clinic. We don't qualify for the special 6 cycle package this time but they have given us a discount as we are returning customers.

Obviously, we could have changed clinics after 3 failed cycles and our first cycle with the new clinic might have been successful - would that have been because it was a new clinic or because IVF is generally a numbers game anyway?


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## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

I was just wanting to ask if you could kindly wish us luck for tomorrow, as it's our son's first appt. with the Community Paediatrician, first thing tomorrow morning.

Of course I will let you know how we get on.

Many Thanks. 

xxx


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## deblovescats

Hi Dolphins
Just popping on to wish you good luck for your appointment. At least if you can get an answer from them you can move forwards!
Thinking of you
Deb


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## Coolish

Good luck Dolphins - hope your appointment goes well xx


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## Sabiha

Dearest ladies,

Thanks a million for your valuable input and comments about whether to change clinic or not. We'll have quite a decision to make if/once we get to it!

In reality, although this is my 4th. IVF, its going to be the 5th. time taking the stim. meds. and visiting the doctor. On one of our tries, when we got to EC, the doctor noticed a polyp which he removed soon after he collected my follies at no extra cost (had I done the procedure locally, it would have been costly). From that time, we have a few embies on ice. This is our 5th. protocol and the doctor tried several to see what works best with me. Sometimes I responded better than others but egg quality was never an issue; quantity was! Yesterday I had a USG and it showed a good number of follicles on both ovaries and the doctor has scheduled EC for next Wednesday.  

I feel he is genuinely invested in us; during one of my previous ET's he told me if I was unsuccessful at getting pregnant, he'd give us another try at IVF at no extra cost (except for the cost of stim. meds.). There's a very strong feeling they're in it to make us succeed as opposed to getting as much money out of us as they can.

Here's hoping this will be our time.

Sabiha

Sabiha


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## fififi

Dolphins - hope you get answers about how your DS can be helped today   

Sabiha - sounds like your clinic is behind you and it's more likely luck that's preventing success. Since you've already paid () for this cycle I'd focus on putting as much positive energy into this attempt as you can. Hopefully you'll get Bfp & no need to think about what next


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## Saska

Hello! 

Hope you don't mind me butting in.....I am on my 4th cycle but we decided to move to ARGC for this try. It's my last go this time and then it's time to rejoin normal life again.  We grappled with the decision as to whether to stay at our old clinic as they know me or try a fresh approach.  We decided fresh approach as my old clinic wold just do the same old protocol.....am feeling more optimistic about this cycle. My last cycle was a zero fert which has to be the single worst thing, apart from a miscarriage, to happen. 

Dolphin, i wish you luck at your appointment for your son. I don't know what the issue is but I do know that feeling of abject fear of something being wrong with your child. Best of luck.


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## LellyLupin

Good luck dolphin xx


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## Sabiha

We were looking into Reprofit & Gennet if things don't turn out the way we want them to. Seems plenty of users here have had positive results from them both. Husband wants us to try locally first if things go south! We only pay for medicines used as the local government has a scheme which applies for us. Would be worth a try...at least no travelling involved if we have a go here. A fresh set of eyes on our situation would be welcome too!

Still trying to keep as positive as possible with our current cycle


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## deblovescats

Good luck sabiha.
Hope you're doing ok fiffi and the little one is holding on.
Hope the appointment went ok dolphins.
AFM  - it was good for me and James to finally meet up with Lesley - and put a face to a name. Had a great time in Sandsend.
Hi to Ellaa.
Deb


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## fififi

Debs - quite jealous you & Lesley got to see each other for real! Very odd that the original/early days ladies on this thread know way more about me than any of my "real life" friends. You were only ones to know I was having another IVf cycle & first to hear my joyous news. Yet no real idea at all what you look like - we could be stood next to each other & not a clue!!!
Hope things settled down a bit with your sister.

Dolphin - hope your meeting about DS went well

Sabiha - try and get your positive head on for your upcoming cycle. Feeling optimistic will make time pass easier and there's every possibility this could be your time   
Sounds like plans are coming together for fall back plan - though hopefully that won't be needed

Goldbunny- pretty sure you'll have started cycling by now. Hoping all going to plan and not long before you're adding joyful news to our thread   

Lesley - when's your surgery date again? Think it was mid June but could be making that up!!!
Hope all going ok your end. How's your mum now?

Ella - hope your surgery goes well this week & it marks the beginning of your happy ever after

Hi & hugs to everyone else - battery down to 5% so better end soon before lose entire message!!!

Quick AFM - all quite bumpy still. Ended up back at hospital last night as in pain & had sudden watery discharge. Was v scared cervix giving way again/waters had burst but from internal examination things all looked ok but I was quite swollen around cervix. Have scan & consultant appointment Friday so crossing fingers & toes all will be ok


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## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

Thanks for wishing us luck last week for our son's appt.   xx

In regards to his appt. we didn't see the Consultant, but we saw another Dr. who was only there apparently to see whether what is wrong with our son will qualify him to be able to be assessed by the specialists at the Child Development Centre. He did confirm however, that he will indeed be assessed by the specialist team at the centre, and it will take a couple of hrs for the assessment. However, the waiting list is currently 8 or 9 wks long, so we will have to wait again for now.  Life just seem's to be a all long waiting game at the mo.   

In the meantime, the Dr. is going to write to the Education Board to request that he get's a nursery place for when he is 2, as he need's to be around other children, and be able to imitate them. Also, he want's us to start applying for DLA, as the Dr. today confirmed that he does have developmental delay (global developmental delay).  So overall a positive appt. xxx

Bye for now.

xx


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## LellyLupin

Hi Girls

Yes Feefs it was lovely to see Debs and a real live miracle in baby James.  Its amazing how much he looks like Deb and what a little charmer he is, all gummy smiles and big blue eyes, a little heartbreaker in the making.  I wish we could all meet, we go through so much together and its so nice to meet up with someone who totally understands the agony of infertility.  

Sorry to hear you have had yet more problems, it must be so frightening for you, I wish things would go more smoothly for you so you could relax and enjoy being pregnant.  xx

Dolphins, big hugs for you for having to face yet another long wait.  Glad you are getting somewhere though with a nursery place xx


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## deblovescats

Thanks Lesley - for lovely words about James - he is my little miracle - and I so want everyone to have the chance to have one like him! 
Good luck with surgery ella and Lesley. I echo what Lesley thinks - would be so good if we can meet - I've found this thread to be a lifeline when going through cycles - I can tell you all what I don't always say to people I know. 
fiffi - would be good if we could all meet. I hope you're ok.
Dolphin - glad you're getting somewhere with paeds.
AFM - had a meeting today with my manager about return to work - going  back 3 days a week, using some leave as well so doing 2 days for a few weeks first. Dreading leaving my little man - but  I feel better that I won't be leaving him 5 days. Didn't want to go through all that we go through to leave him full time. As for sister situation, it ebbs and flows ! She's had her first session of CBT which I think was quite enlightening. She's now having other intrusive  thoughts which are superseding the obsession with a baby. She looked after James for an hour last week (with my mother in tow) and he wore her out!!! LOL! She said he's in to everything and she couldn't sit down for 2 mins! Enlightenment I think. She is still unsure what to do but has voiced to my mum that she thinks she couldn't cope with a baby. She also said to me that she thinks I'm brave doing it on my own. First time she's said this, so I'm hoping that maybe we can move forward. I think that she might realise that her mental health would impact on caring for a child. 
Deb


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## deblovescats

fiffi - everything crossed for you, thinking of you tomorrow.


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## Altai

Fifi - how did the consultation go? Fx all is good. 

Ella - great new on endo op,wishing y a speedy recovery. 
Hi to debs, dolphin , Sabiha, saska and to all who I missed.

Xxx
A.


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## fififi

Thanks for messages of support & finger crossing

Baby all fine which is huge relief. Unfortunately consultant still feels the pregnancy is high risk & has basically advised close to bed rest for next 12 weeks. She's signed me off work and now I've just got to figure out how going to organise our lives to work around me only being on my feet for short periods of time. I'm extremely grateful that at present baby is safe but it's going to take a lot of sacrifices to get through to 30 weeks. If it were just me & DH fine but it's really hard for our DD as at 6 she's not really able to be independent & is missing out after just one week. Just as well she's desparate to be a big sister and keeps reminding us that it'll be worth it to get a baby!
A week of not being allowed to do more than go to loo, make a drink was fine but think I'll be totally cook-coo in not very long!



Ella - thanks for PM.
Glad your op went well in terms of having endo etc removed. Bit worrying that you've so many bruises. I remember having lots on legs & hips that I'd assumed were from the stirrups as my last laproscopy was well over an hour. Hope your body recovers quickly & you're getting lots of TLC  

Debs - glad you've been able to sort out a return to work just part time. Going back is so hard for first few weeks as neither you nor LO want that separation but long term it will be beneficial for the both of you in many ways.
Hopefully as your sister has more CBT she'll become happier in herself and your relationship can flourish again. Not that she'd listen but it really doesn't sound like she's in right place to be considering fertility treatment.

Dolphins - sorry meeting wasn't quite as you'd hoped but at least some progress has been made and you've a better plan of action now

Lesley - hope things going ok with you. Any more thoughts on when you'll try and cycle or do you need to wait and see what happens with the surgery first? Which clinic did you decide on in the end?

Cornwall - have you started cycling again already? Wishing you lots of luck when you do/if you are. Do keep us posted as to how you get on

Hi and hugs to all those I've missed. Didn't sleep last night for worry & am shattered today meaning my brain well & truly stuffed!

Have good weekend everyone xxx


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## Greyhoundgal

fifi - hope all went well today  

altai - good to "see" you...how are things going for you and your plans?

ella - sorry you're sore but glad the op went well  

deb - sounds like a better chat with your sister....back to work plans sound good too  

dolphins - its some progress i guess but maybe not what you want to hear   good luck for the next apt.

sabiha - hope you've found your positivity  

lesley - how are things going my dear?  

saska - hope all is going well on your cycle  

hugs to you all

grey xx


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## Greyhoundgal

fifi - cross posted so just to say I'm glad baby is ok and sorry you have to do bed rest but its for the best and will be over before you know it  

grey xxx


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## fififi

Grey - what's happening with you? You must be getting close to EC now? Really hoping all going ok


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## deblovescats

Thanks fiffi and greyhoundgal.
Fiffi - so glad the little one is fine - I can understand how difficult it is for you to be on bedrest when your DD needs you, but you have to do what needs doing. I'm sure everything will be ok. I agree with you about sis - I think she is most definitely not in the right place for going ahead with fertility treatment - her head's all over the place - I don't think she totally understands how difficult tx is. I think subconsciously she realises this as she hasn't yet made an initial appointment and her birthdays' in August when she'll be 46. She is now voicing that she doesn't think she'd cope with a baby so I'm hoping that she's beginning to come to terms with not trying. I think she needs to sort out her mental health issues first and obviously that would push tx further ahead. She's had cycles of depression and intrusive thoughts before every few years which is a drain on mum and me - also I think she's realising that this could keep happening and would be difficult to manage especially with a child. Better she decides it's not a good idea and I don't have to pick up the pieces a few years hence. 
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Hi girls

Feefs so glad the baby is ok, you will have to try and switch off for a few weeks and be pampered.  I know it will be difficult to do with a 6 year old, but better to be safe. xx

Ella hope you are feeling better soon, feeling nervous after reading your post and I am usually brave about hospitals    You need some TLC and quick  xx

Grey I am ok just waiting to go in hosp for a refurb, whats happening with you  

Hello Altai nice to see your name on here again xx

Debs so glad your sis is having a rethink, it could solve a lot of your worries if she decides against tx.  Hows that lovely boy of yours today?  You will soon get used to part time working and it will be good for JW too in the long run as he won't get clingy (not that he is now) xx

AFm think I am going to go to Debs clinic in Sheffield, I have a few questions for Darlington clinic before I truly decide, but I am swaying towards Care.  I wil have to wait till I've had surgery befiore I can really do anything.  Looking forward to being off for a week or so, I really need a rest from work.  I have been looking after some week old baby hedgehogs this week so getting a feel for being up every three hours to feed them


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## LellyLupin

Hi Ella they are doing four things to all ending in scopy something or other, they are going to fill me up with gas too.  I think they are going to remove a fallopian tube too and I haver four ovarian cysts to go and a fibroid.  The nurse said laying down flat helps with the pain,  and that there is nothing you can take for it because its not a pain that is coming from the body itself, its a foreign body in your body if you know what I mean.  She said peppermint tea can help.  Hope you feel better soon sweetie xx  I am just being a wuss xx


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## LellyLupin

Well I am hoping DP will look after me but he is not a very patient nurse    I have threatened to buy a bell so I can ring for tea.  I think my fibroid is only small, its the cysts that are taking up the space.  DP has booked a cottage in the Lakes for me to recouperate in.  He said I've booked one near a trekking centre    like I am going to be able to go riding!  I am not sure what type my fibroid is.  Glad you are feeling a bit better now, surger really knocks you for six doesn't it


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## deblovescats

Ella - glad you're recovering ok.
Lesley - hope surgery goes ok and cottage in Lake District sounds good. 
Hi to everyone else.
AFM - James has been very unsettled today - teething - and very upset. He's been very clingy but much happier this evening. Situation with sis lurches from crisis to crisis - she's had a big meltdown today! Sorry to offload on you guys! She is unsure what to do with regard to treatment, but worried she wouldn't cope either with tx or a baby. I explained she needs to work this out before going ahead as otherwise I'm picking up the pieces! She thinks I just think about No 1 and never gave her a thought when I went ahead for tx. We go round in circles - I try to say that we're both adults and we make our own lives. She's also upset that I said I was going to try for no 2 when she asked if I was,  but obviously didn't say when. So she's now annoyed that I might have 2, 3 or 4 children (she exaggerates big time) and she might have none. I told her she needs to sort her head before going for tx. She has another CBT session tomorrow so we'll see what that brings. 
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Honestly Debs I don't know how you cope with your sis.  She has to understand that you have your own lives and you don't live yours around her, why should you have given her a thought when going for tx.  Families honestly they drive you round the twist.  I think she'll resent you if she doesn't go for tx and at least try for a baby, she'll just hold it against you and you will fall out.  Sisters!


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## deblovescats

Thanks for your support Lesley - much appreciated. Families definitely send you round the bend!


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## fififi

Debs - sorry to see you've been getting more stress from your sister. Must be so hard for you   
Agree with Lesley in that there's risk she'll blame you if she doesn't go ahead and try IVF but at same time it's clear she's not in a position emotionally to get through a cycle. I dread to imagine how you & your family would cope with her on hormones!!!!
Could you secretly move house & forget to tell her?!!!!

Lesley - glad your DP is trying to be kind even if he's not really got a clue how you'll be feeling after surgery. Hope it all goes smoothly & relaxing time in the Lakes is just that xxxxx

Ella - hope you're in less/no pain now  
When do you plan to start cycle?

Grey - hope 2ww isn't dragging too much. Hoping that we get a happy posting on here soon   

Altai - how's things your end?

Hi & hugs to everyone else. Hope life being kind   


AFM - still vaguely sane despite having not been able to do more than lounge around for 3 weeks now. Body already beginning to ache from lack of movement so trying to do few simple exercises/stretches whilst lying down. Need to improve diet as just wanting food I can grab - as only on feet for 15/20 mins max - so eaten far too many biscuits & snacks. Did try grabbing celery stick instead last week but just didn't have same comforting effect!!!
Have big, scary week coming up. Monday I'm having surgery to remove a skin cancer from my head. Ironically got diagnosed 2 days after getting my BFP - life doesn't want me to be happy!!! Quite anxious about how big a scar I'll have following the surgery as being on my face it'll be obvious for ever more. Sounds really vain & know the important thing is that I'm getting skin cancer removed but I'm scared on so many levels and having to look in mirror every day & see that things aren't right is going to be constant reminder. Plus, already very insecure about my looks so this is not going to help.
Not much time to dwell on my face as Friday have 20 week diagnostic scan where get baby checked for any problems. I didn't have earlier tests done as wasn't prepared to act on results were they negative as risk of MC so this will be first time anyone checked anything other than size & is there a heartbeat. I'm still constantly paranoid every pg day will be my last so just hoping for once something will turn out ok.
Oooops written loads - sorry! Needed to get thoughts out & share with someone I guess. (Not having been out of house since coming out of hospital 3weeks ago not had chance to chat to anyone!)


----------



## LellyLupin

Hi feefs try not to worry about having a scar, Dad had skin cancer on his forehead and they took out quite a bit, you would never know it you can't see a scar at all now xx  Good luck for Friday and your scan , I will thinkof you as I am heading down to surgery


----------



## Altai

Fifi - so sorry about cancer surgery especially at such a time.   all goes as smoothly & stress free as reasonably possible. 

Lesley - fx for your op, too. Hopefully it will clear a baby room so to speak. 

Deb - what a saga with your sis. She is big girl for god sake, can't she still make up her own mind? 
Sometimes  I feel relieved that I am the only child 

Ella - how is your op went? What stage r y on now?

Afm - getting ready for my last cycle ( it's been postponed couple of times) as my periods got quite irregular after last cycle with clomid. Couldn't  plan. Anyway, I had a scratch with dr G on Wed & been spotting since then. But today looks like it's af, CD 25. Though am not sure - it's too much for spotting but very light for af. 
I guess I better wait till tomorrow and see what it's is. 

Xxx

A.


----------



## LellyLupin

Hi Altai    I am confused about what you are doing, are you having cycles to develop embryos to freeze, or are you doing a full ivf, if its the former why would you need a scratch?  I have never heard of anyone doing this before, it sounds like a really good idea though.  Sorry for asking the question I hope you are not offended by it.  I wish I had had my eggs frozen when I was young, hind sight is a wonderful thing isn't it, I guess I never thought I would find myself in this situation  

AFM just emailed Care at Sheffield to see about treatment there and waiting for Fridays op. I also intend to email Darlington Womens clinic again just to check I wasn't mistaken that they said if the egg donor backed out I would have to pay all over again.  Hope everyone is ok, Deb how is JWs teething coming along and hows the sister situation? xx


----------



## fififi

Lesley - thanks for support. Good to hear your Dad's scar is hardly visible. I don't know anyone who's had skin cancer or removal of so guess the doctor's explanation that I will be left with scarring is perhaps more of a concern than it need be. (Talk at one point was of possibly doing skin graft from my thigh or bottom to use - I had the weirdest images going round my head at that suggestion!!! Though if could combine skin graft from my bottom with a fat removal on both sides & a lift I'd be quite keen  )

Hope Friday goes smoothly for you. Is DP going to be with you? I'm convinced it was the baby room refurb that did trick for me so hopefully you'll be all set with good news in not too distant future   
Seems very odd a clinic would charge you if donor pulls out. I guess it depends on the stage you're at but should just be for your scans if anything. I was concerned that could happen (donor pull out not charges) but was reassured it's incredibly unlikely.


Altai - thanks for the good wishes
Glad to see you're hopefully all set to cycle. Why is it AF goes wierd when you most need it to be regular. I'd had 26 day periods for 10 months but the month I was due to start IVf cycle AF was 10 days late!
Hope timings work out and your luck finally changes. Really looking forward to more ladies on this thread joining The bump club


----------



## deblovescats

Thanks Ella, Altai, Lesley and feefs
Good luck with cycle Altai - so hope it works for you.
Good luck for op Lesley - catch up with you when you're feeling better! Hope you get the answers you need for clinics.
AFM - James's teeth still not through at top - has 2 only at bottom. He's a little darling though - the little monkey thinks it's funny to bite my nipple for fun - when not wanting to feed - putting a stop to this joke! The sister situation rumbles on - it's been calm this weekend as we've both been taking a mutual friend out and about so she's not discussing the IVF situation. I know she'll blame me if she doesn't try, but my concern is that if she did and it did work, I'd end up picking up the pieces with a child (or will end up picking up the pieces if it didn't work!) There is no real solution I think - just pinning my hopes on her CBT sessions! Great idea feefs - maybe I should move house till it's all died down! 
Feefs - sorry you've got the added stress of the skin cancer op - just what you don't need - don't worry about the scar - it'll be fine. Some years ago, I had 3 moles removed from my back (large ones) just as a precaution and they were all benign - I was left with 3 scars (I know not on my face) but over the years, they've faded. I also had a ruptured Achilles tendon about 12 years ago and had to have an op - that scar is now white and barely noticeable. My C-section scar has just started to fade - it was purple until recently, but now fading, so I'm sure it'll be fine. Good luck,
Deb


----------



## Altai

HI  

thanks foe good wishes.

Lesley - the plan is to do embryo banking. The clinics' preference is to freeze embryos on D5 (blasts) this is where the difficulty lies for me  - to get to blasts.
So, basically the clinic suggested  if there were few eggs and  D3 prognosis of going to blasts is low, then do fresh trf and save money on freezing etc etc plus D3 embryo don't thaw well in their experience. 

Tbh, I don't have high hopes anyway,  whatever happens let it be. Have got tired & fed up of all these ttx not even mentioning my finances, got to start paying back my huge debt asap.


xxx

A.


----------



## LellyLupin

Thanks Altai I now understand what you are doing, I hope you are successful    


Asked for an estimated cost from CARE at Sheffield and got this back, it seems to be not far off what Darlington want to charge me and this is assuming I don't need any blood tests, is this about the going rate for DE ivf girls?  

'As a rough guide I would estimate the cost from start to finish (assuming that no blood tests need repeating) would be £7700 for a shared cycle and £10,700 for an exclusive cycle.  This doesn’t include any extras for freezing of surplus embryos, CARE Maps etc. but does include consultation fee, waiting list fee, drugs, treatment, ICSI and extended culture'


----------



## chooshoos

Lesley 
just to benchmark against overseas options we paid 5k euro for exclusive donor and probably another say 300 for scans and drugs. The hotel ranged between 200 and 700 euro for 3 nights depending on season and of course stars/location. Flights would depend on where you come from. 

Good luck with your choice
x


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## LellyLupin

Gosh that's so much cheaper, how many times did you have to go over?  I am just wondering as me and DP work full time so we would have to consider that xx


----------



## fififi

Lesley - my DE cycle in UK worked out at about £5500 this time as had 2 day transfer of only embryos we got. (But this was unexpected result and clinic were going to fund repeat cycle as normally expect shared DE cycles to have enough embies to get to day 5 blast unless male factor fertilisation has been noted as issue in past)

£5350 DE cycle
£75 HFEA fee
Meds about £60 (buserelin injections, progynova, vagifem)  (Also on gestone & clexane injections but these were prescribed by MC clinic so just standard prescription charge)

First cycle I did had extra costs
£450 waiting list registration fee (one off charge)
£450 extended culture (blast transfer)
£150 embryo glue  ( had planned to spend £500 this cycle on time lapse monitoring & embryo glue combined cost as was last shot & wanted to max our chances)
ICSI at my clinic is another £1050
Initial consultation is £185

So that would mean a DE ICSI shared cycle costs around £7500 so similar to Care.

Abroad does seem cheaper but requires the ability to travel which me & DH didn't have. Will point out DE cycle much simpler than OE cycle so far less time needed for scans etc. so my understanding is you would probably only need a week overseas if you wanted to be together.



AFM - had skin surgery today. Head really quite painful now despite having talking max dose of paracetamol. Hoping will be able to sleep as shattered but generally lie on side that's been operated on so got to try & force body to lie the other way. Pain should only last few days. Stitches come out next week & then it's a nervous 10 more days until get results. The doctor has removed as smaller area as possible for now in hope that what's under the surface isn't cancerous, just top cells, but is risk that once analysed they may feel I need more extensive treatment. So fingers crossed for once life gives me bit of a break.


----------



## fififi

Lesley - hope surgery today went well and you're not in too much discomfort   
Enjoy your weekend/week away & make sure you really do allow yourself to relax xxx


AFM Very relieved to report that my baby was "normal" under all the headings at 20 week scan.
Had super sonographer who really took time to go through things and keep reassuring me as we went along.
Hopefully my cervix will continue to remain secure and I'll get though the next ten weeks to the "safe" point my consultant aiming for. Feeling happier but wish time could pass quicker - though lying down 24/7 definitely easier when know my LO all ok & I'm doing it for good reason.

Head feeling lot less painful now so hopefully that will heal quickly. Stitches out Monday. Results not for another 2 weeks.



Hope everyone has good weekend - despite the fact our midsummer weather seems more like mid-October weather!


----------



## fififi

Sadly don't think I'll ever be able to relax and enjoy this pregnancy. Our risks of losing baby still higher than those of keeping so until I reach my target 30 weeks and 50/50 chance it's all pretty stressful. Having to spend day lying down leads to far too much thinking & worrying time which isn't helping. So sad that this experience I've dreamed about for so long isn't one I'm able to enjoy as yet. Hopefully I will reach finishing post & all this will quickly fade away    


Ella - hope AF cooperates for you & you get started on your cycle soon   


Lesley - hope all's ok & your either without Internet or having a break from all things fertility


----------



## deblovescats

Fiffi - glad the scan went well. I really feel for you - we dream so much of getting our BFP and then it's still very stressful - hoping that everyone continues to go well with the baby. I understand how difficult it is when you're lying there worrying. 
Lesley - hope that the op went well and you're recovering.
Altai - good luck.
AFM  - 1st week back at work went ok - only doing two days for a few weeks using some leave. James was fine at nursery - he cried when I left him, but nursery reported that he enjoyed playing and his meals - the occasional tears but it's normal. The situation with sis is still difficult - we have good days and bad days - she's been having CBT but the worker has now referred her for further sessions at a higher level so it's obvious that her problems are very entrenched. She now has to wait for this. I'm hoping that this will bring some benefit.
Deb


----------



## LellyLupin

Hello girls    First day I have felt well enough to come back on line, I totally underestimated how I would feel.  I am now minus a left fallopian tube and various cysts and fibroids.  I have also been diagnosed with endometriosis.  Hospital was a nightmare, surgery went well but they had me sat in a chair in the waiting room for seven hours because they had lost my medication, they forgot to give me painkiller and had a shift change in between so forgot I was in the waiting room, they forgot to give me wound dressings and I ended up doing my discharge papers sitting in a wheelchair in a deserted corridor!  Do not want to go through that again in a hurry.

Glad to hear your scan and surgery went ok Fifi, try not to worry about the scar as Deb says they really do fade and make up will make it disappear.  

Just going to do a hit and run post as so tired but good luck for anyone cycling and thanks for the pricing tips, I will be reading up on Prague.  Love to all and catch you later xx


----------



## fififi

Lesley - hospital sounds total nightmare. Not surprised it's taken while to recover.

Onwards & upwards now. The baby room is ready so hopefully you'll get an opportunity to fill it soon    

Wishing you quick recovery


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Lesley - I was just coming on to see how your surgery went   Sounds like it was a horrendous experience at the hospital   Thank goodness you are home and can hopefully rest up. Now the surgery has happened and you've got some more information then hopefully this will lead to your much hoped for outcome   Take care whilst you recuperate - big hugs  

Feefs - sorry you're having such a stressful time huni.....it's no fun for you  

Debs - glad the back yo work is going ok   sounds like James is doing really well too, bless him  

Ella - not long now  

Altai - how are you plans coming?  

Hi to everyone else - exhausted so sorry it's not a full update....

Grey xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Thanks Feefs/Grey feeling much better today.  What happening with you Grey?


----------



## fififi

Debs - glad J seems to settling into nursery ok and you're surviving the return to work   
Do hope your sister gets the higher level CBT soon. Would be huge breakthrough if she can just get a grasp of how others around her might be feeling in respect to her behaviour.

Lesley - glad you're on mend   
What are your next steps?

Ella - hope AF arrived ok and you've been able to start your cycle   

Altai - hope things going ok with you   

Grey - you must be almost at end of your 2ww really hoping that you get to post good news soon   

AFM - surviving is best way to summarise life my end. For now all quiet which is good, just need time to speed up. But feel mean for that as seems such a waste of what should have been fun months with my family. Hoping if the sun manages to come out I'll regain some positivity by being able to be somewhere other than my bed or sofa. Come on summer!!!!


----------



## deblovescats

Thanks everyone.
Glad you're feeling ok Lesley - hope the op does the trick! 
Grey - hope  you're doing well.
Fiffi - just hang in there - what a shame though that you're missing out on the snatches of good weather we're having. 
AFM - had 2nd week at work, easing myself back in  - they're all glad I'm back. Two of my colleagues who I've confided in - are planning already about how I could work out work hours to maximise pay for next maternity leave if I'm lucky and they're all for me going again! James had a good week at nursery - the staff think he's better now he's doing full days - I'm easing him in on 2 days, building to 3 days. I didn't want to have waited so long to have J to then work full time. James has been crawling round opening all the doors and drawers at nursery which is what he does at home! 
Deb


----------



## JessieMcJessie

Hi. Can I join please? My info is in my signature. I am ttc over 40 because I only met DH very late in life, so we're actually fairly new to fertility issues. No children from previous relationships. 

Just about to start choosing an IVF clinic.  

How do I get the thread to display most recent messages first?


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## Greyhoundgal

Hi Jessie

When you are looking at a thread, there's an orange "new" tag beside it....if you click that, it will display the most recent message. Also, if you're coming to the forum regularly, you can click the button on the top right hand over the forum which says "show unread posts since last visit" .

Good luck with your journey. There's also an over 40s thread for current cycles which is good for support once you get started on treatment  

Grey x


----------



## deblovescats

Welcome Jessie - you'll find this thread very supportive. Good luck in your journey for a baby,
Hope you're doing ok Grey
Deb


----------



## JessieMcJessie

I have a question about AMH.  I thought that mine was reasonable for age 41 as it's 9.8, which according to my rests results sheet is in the middle of the "low fertility" bracket. My GP said entirely normal for my age.  However I am seeing from the signatures here that quite a few of you in your forties, some older than me have really high scores in the 30s and 40s which indicates "optimal fertility". 

Is it actually common then to have much higher AMH in your forties than I have?  Am I in danger of it beeing too low for some clinics?  

This has worried me a bit.


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Jessie - one or two of us have PCOS or just PCO which will give a higher AMH but not always a better chance of getting pregnant.....it's quality not quantity that counts. Your AMH is great   if you look on the over 40s cycle thread you'll see plenty of ladies with much much lower AMH than you.....and don't worry, we've seen them get pregnant too  

Grey xx


----------



## JessieMcJessie

Thanks Grey, that makes sense now and appreciate the reassurance. My friend had successful IVF first go with AMH in the "very low" bracket.  How insenstive of me to assume that high meant good, on an infertility board of all places...


----------



## LellyLupin

H Jessie  welcome to the thread.  I had very good AMH etc but it doesn't mean that much to be honest.  I had high hopes,  but in reality it seems to be more about egg quality than anything else.  If you have managed to fall pregnant naturally then I'd say you have a really good chance.  Best of luck


----------



## Greyhoundgal

JessieMcJessie said:


> Thanks Grey, that makes sense now and appreciate the reassurance. My friend had successful IVF first go with AMH in the "very low" bracket. How insenstive of me to assume that high meant good, on an infertility board of all places...


Don't be daft  - there's so much to learn tbh and so we can't really know why one couple gets pregnant and another doesn't. Sometimes there just seems to be no rhyme or reason. The best thing is to know as much about yourself as possible (and DH) and then just try to do the best for that....but be prepared for the fact there is some alchemy or something involved....if only we knew what that was we'd make every childless couples' dreams come true 

Grey xx


----------



## Altai

hi ladies

welcome to Jessie

Lesley - what an experience you had. glad its all over now. 

ella - best of luck with your cycle

grey - any news? is your otd soon or am confusing?

afm - flying tonight for EC, leaving work in few mins. 
baseline scan wasn't great but things got slightly better overall. after my last cycle with clomid hormones all out of place. 


best of luck to all
off I go


----------



## LellyLupin

Good luck Altai       

Thanks for the tip Ella, feeling much better now and been out of the house today, done some cleaning up and off to the Lakes tomorrow.  Wounds healing nicely , definitely don't want to do it again.  Hope this time you get your baby dream xx


----------



## fififi

Oodles of baby dust & good luck Altai        

Lesley - enjoy the Lakes. Keep up the R&R   

Ella - baby dust & good luck to you too    
Here's hoping we get a stream of happy posts on here very soon   

Grey - really, really hoping you'll be posting good news soon. Take care of you & remember we're all here willing things to go well & support you       

Debs - hope you have a fun weekend & no sister hassles  

Jessie - hi, good luck in finding clinic & hopefully cycling in not too distant future.
Where in UK are you looking at clinics or are you considering overseas? (We're quite a mixed bunch as far as clinics go.)

Hi & hugs to anyone I've missed     


Enjoy the weekend!


----------



## Altai

Grey - belated congratulations!!! Well done. Fx for the smooth9 months (actually less than 9 now). 

Ella -hoof all goes per plan with your cycle. 

Fifi - how are things with you? 

Hi to Lesley, debs, Jessie and all who I missed.

Afm- back from Moscow last night, not the greatest cycle but as expected. 3 eggs retrieved, 2 fertilised and had 1 embryo transferred yesterday. Surprisingly lining was 9.5 though on CD 2 was almost 5mm. Progesterone -8.89ng/ml on a very lowest side thou dr doesn't seem to worry about it. 
All in all, my embryo banking I mean banking part hasn't been going to plan.

Best of luck to all

A.


----------



## fififi

Altai - congrats on being PUPO ... I know things not entirely gone to plan but perhaps this little embryo might be the magical one    


I'm doing ok - feeling much better for the sunshine & ability to lie in garden for bit to break monotony of my bedroom or lounge. Get results from skin surgery Thursday so little apprehensive about that. Luck not going my way of late so just hoping this won't be further bad news.
Discovered via an email Friday that I no longer have my job as such. I currently teach Spanish 2 days a week at a local primary school. In my absence they've decided not to teach Spanish anymore but to now do French & already have teacher lined up. Really sad cos I've been doing that role 5 years now and really enjoy it. Had I been at work I'd have had an opportunity to fight my corner but as it is there's nothing I can do. I've a permanent contract for those 2 days so not lost my employment as yet but feel very vunerable and quite unsure what I'll be asked to do instead. If they need to reduce staff then it's pretty easy for them with me no longer having any obvious skills to offer. Just hope, more than ever, that this baby keeps safe & I can delay worrying about work until Easter time.


----------



## deblovescats

Good luck on being PUPO Altai! Take it easy.
Glad you're enjoying the sunshine fiffi - at least you have an excuse to lie and enjoy it! Hope the little one hangs in there. Sorry to hear about your job - employers seem to do what they like when they get a chance! Try not to worry too much about work. 
AFM - we had a good weekend with sis's friend - she's like a breath of fresh air - she wanted kids and never met anyone at right time but loves her niece and nephew to bits and she's just not bitter at all! Wish sis could be more like her. She's 49 in Sep and she's resigned to not having kids. Her mother used to bang on about her going for IVF but she felt with her job and being single she couldn't manage with a baby (got a realist head not like sis) Now her mother keeps on about adopting a baby (same issues even if she  could get a baby!)  Then she's said to her good job she's not been pregnant or she'd be fat! What is it about relatives?! We hired a chalet on the beach and all went down  - mum, sis, aunt (who comes out with all sorts at times!)and friend. Then friend and sis went to open air concert. Weather was gorgeous. Aunt is now asking mum if I'm going to try for no 2. Mum said she doesn't know (which she doesn't, but knows I might) So we've had a good weekend - no angst about babies - I know it's just waiting to explode though. Now preparing for J's 1st birthday (where has the year gone?) Can't believe I'm saying that - he's going to be such a spoilt little boy! Then it'll be all plans ahead for next cycle. Would you believe it though - only just been back at work 2 weeks, J settling in at nursery, when over the weekend I got a rash on my wrist - asked at work (I'm based in a surgery) as work with Health visiting team, and they got me to ask one of GPs who said it was shingles!!!! Never expected this - no other symptoms. He signed me off work due to the nature of my job - I felt a fraud as I don't feel ill. Everyone just said go and enjoy the good weather! So I'm with fiffi on this one, However, James was really unwell Friday night - had a terrible disturbed night, he was feverish, had calpol, then noticed spots ... you can see where this one is going. We thought spots might be due to sun cream or heat, but when I got diagnosed not sure. I asked GP who said he might get chicken pox but he might as well get it now. There's been a case at nursery. HE went into nursery who said it was fine, but then they rang lunchtime to say he wasn't himself so I fetched him home. He went to see GP who said it could be chicken pox or hand, foot and mouth disease. I'm just hoping he isn't contagious for his party! 
Deb


----------



## deblovescats

PS Good luck with results of biopsy fiffi


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Altai - congrats on being PUPO hon - everything crossed for you  

Lesley - hope you are feeling much better now?  

Feefs - good luck for the biopsy results  

Ella - good luck for your cycle  

Grey xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Hi Girls

Just back from the Lakes, had a glorious time and Max had a ball bless him, hes one tired pup.  Got my letter off GP which says I have Endoa nd will need to start IVF immediately so just looking for a bank loan to get started.  Feeling much much better now.

Altai congrats on being PUPO xx

Fifi don't worry about your biopsy you will be fine, just try and relax and forget everything and enjoy your pregnancy.

Debs sounds like you have been having a fun time and a stressful time lately.  Hope James is soon better so he can enjoy the party.  Who'd have thought it eh?  Throwing a party for your one year old son, must feel like you are dreaming sometimes.  

Ella and Grey how are you doing?


----------



## Spudgun

I hope you don't mind me joining this thread a bit late in the day. I have just gone through my 3rd cycle of ICSI. First was a missed mc at 12 weeks (I was 3, second gave us a beautiful little boy (I was 39) who now has leukaemia and this 3rd cycle (43) was a BFN :-( 

We cannot go abroad due to my son's diagnosis, and we were really hoping to use my eggs because it would not only give him a sibling but also a chance of a stem cell donor should he suffer a relapse (he is high risk for this). I was quite disappointed with our clinic. We went in last December a month after my 43rd birthday to ask for an appointment and we were told to go through our GP even though we would be private patients. We eventually got an appointment for March but we turned up in February by mistake. They did see us, fortunately, and gave me an AMH test (less than 4). After that they kept putting off our appointments because one of the consultants was ill and didn't give us our cycle until mid June.  We had 9 follicles, 3 eggs with only two fertilised. At 3 days we had one 6-7 cell with fragmentation and a 3-4 cell, both put back in (They said grade B & C). I had an extra HCG shot 3 days following transfer and felt implantation cramps for a few days after that. By a week after transfer though I was sure I wasn't pregnant with no symptoms and came on two days before the official test date. I rang the clinic for a follow up appointment. They said they would ring me back but haven't done so yet. I am cross that they dragged it on for so long, and now I feel like the window for us to try again is smaller and smaller - if there is any point at all. 

I would like to know which clinics have a good reputation for treating older women - particularly in the North East or North if possible. Is there any point in trying again? 

October 14:
FSH 5.8
LH 3.6
Oestradiol 79
Progesterone 3.4
Prolactin 163
AMH (Feb 15) Less than 4

Thanks for all your support x


----------



## Altai

Thank you ladies. though difficult to be optimistic with only 1 embryo transferred (none to freeze from this cycle)  when it didn't work when had 3-4 transferred. 
That cycle was definitely my last fresh go. Looks like my hormones have been all over the place after clomid & I think it's the end fertility-wise. 
But I have 2 blasts & 2 3d embryos frozen from my previous 3 cycles. Now contemplating whether I should go next cycle for fet. 

Fififi - sorry about your work, why things have to be more difficult?  Good luck with biopsy. 

Deb - hope you and little J are getting better. Already 1 year times flying. 

Lesley - best of luck with your start & getting a loan. Gosh  those ivf cycles are so bloody expensive. 
Ella - how r y doing?

Hi to spudgun sorry don't know any clinics in the north. Probably worth looking at regional boards section. 
Something might come up. Can you travel to London? 


Grey - hope all goes smoothly for you. 

Best of luck to all

A.


----------



## fififi

Hi all,

Thanks for positive thoughts last week. Biopsy results pretty good in that no advanced cancer cells were found so everything either precancerous or early stage. Unfortunately the biopsy showed that the outside of area removed also had high number of precancerous cells so those will need to be treated. As nothing was advanced the consultant happy that risks are low enough to wait until after my pregnancy before further treatment. So all in all good news.
As ever, in my life, good news was swiftly knocked away by bad. I had scan on Friday which showing yet more complications. Baby was all fine which was obviously big relief but for some reason my body is having large number of mini contractions. They were noticed during scan (I'm only feeling about 1 in 10) and after being monitored for bit I was allowed home on proviso I limit standing up time even further. So now it's up to the toilet & back down again rather than the 10/15 mins every hour or so I was allowed before. Bit scary but trying to reassure myself that if there was big risk they'd have kept me in and/or booked me in for sooner than 2 weeks.


Lesley - hope things progress smoothly for you & you manage to get bank loan sorted. I didn't find endo made much difference to my treatment but took extra care to cut down on wheat & gluten during cycles.
Glad time in Lakes was fun. You deserved a rest   

Altai - despite the odds try and stay positive. I've certainly found that the cycles with issues were the ones that led to happy endings. You've done incredibly well to go through so many cycles recently - you now need to believe a little. Hopefully this will be your time    

Grey - hope you're feeling little more confident now. Those early stages are full of worries especially when you have experienced loss before. Really rooting for you & hoping that this pg will go all the way   

Debs - glad you had fun time away. Must be refreshing to be with someone who is able to feel ok about not having children yet still enjoy being with James. Do hope your sis starts to make progress soon and realises how hard she is making it for you & J to have happy relationship with her.
Hope J was well enough for his 1st birthday and you all had a wonderful day. I've no idea where that year went!!!!

Ella - hope things moving along as they should for you now. When do you start cycle proper?

Spudgun - sorry to read you've had a rough ride of things and recent BFN. Totally understand wanting to cycle somewhere fairly local. I felt the same as not practical for us to go overseas with 6 yo DD. Can imagine situation even more complex with your DS's additional needs. Have no experience of clinics outside of East Midlands I'm afraid. Aside from looking at area threads on here look at the HFEA success rates for local clinics with ladies in your age group.
Tricky to know whether it's worth trying again or not. Given your situation I imagine having an OE baby is still very important to you. There is definitely still a chance but sadly for us over 40s that chance is pretty low. At my clinic for my last OE cycle (age 43) I was given a 15% chance based on fact we had created top grate embryos on previous cycles. Once at blastocyst with 2 embryos (A & B) our odds of BFP were increased to 40%. We couldn't have asked for more but sadly it wasn't to be. For me at that point I realised that whilst I'd have loved another child genetically mine our chances of getting beyond first few weeks of pregnancy even after overcoming the odds of BFP in first place were still only 50%. Us switching to DE gave us a 50% chance of BFP from the off but more importantly our risks of MC decreased to just 10-15%. Wasn't an easy step to take and I needed to do that one final attempt with OE first so that I was reassured I'd tried best I could. However, I did switch to DE and for us that gave us the bigger chance we needed. It's not for everyone & you definitely need to feel ready to go down that path but it is there as an option.

Best fly as need to do injections!!!
Sorry to those ive missed xxxx


----------



## deblovescats

Thanks Lesley, fiffi and altai. Good luck with little embie altai - it does only take one! Lesley - glad you're on the mend and you enjoyed your break away. Fiffi - glad you're doing results were ok with biopsy but it's a difficult for you that there were cells in the outer area, but it's good news consultant says its ok to leave till baby born. I hope the contractions settle down and little one decides to stay put! 
Spud - not sure about stats for clinics in north but know of some clinics. I went to LWC Darlington but got BFNs so changed clinics to CARE Sheffield which I can highly recommend - especially as I got my BFP and now have a gorgeous one year old son. There is also CARE Manchester, Leeds Seacroft and Hull IVF unit, there is also Newcastle. Not sure exactly where you are based. I went straight to DE as there was a greater chance of getting a BFP - but you have to be in the right frame of mind for this. Due to my age, there was only a 5% chance of OE working, but yet about 50% chance with DE.
AFM - James had a lovely birthday on Sat - the weather was great so the kids could go in the garden. I can't believe that James is one!  James enjoyed being centre of attention and was really spoilt. He was totally admired and everyone admired his golden curls (they all think he takes after me having wavy/curly hair). He was well in himself. My spots have now spread so I had to go back to see GP today and he is not sure what it is. So I've been signed off sick for another 5 days to be on the safe side and if they've not cleared up, I have an appointment to see GP again on Friday! My fingers are so tingly and sore, it's hard to look after James but I'm managing. 
As for sis situation - she's still going on about a baby .... she said that she hasn't achieved anything as she hasn't a child and everyone at the party did! I know I need to be understanding but she takes over when she's around James - except for  doing practical tasks such as nappy changing, bathing, dressing,feeding etc - she loves to cuddle him, but interferes when I'm trying to settle James - when we're in company, she takes James round them for admiration and I don't get a look in as she behaves as if she's his mum. it can be very frustrating.  She also still has issues about mum not knowing about DE - but when mum is going on about cousin's children not being blood relatives I know it's right to keep it from her. My cousin and his wife are now sole guardians to their grandson as their adopted daughter has done a runner back to her boyfriend so has given up right to have child. She absconded with the baby and had to  be brought back as boyfriend not allowed to have access. She then climbed through bedroom window to get out but baby was with cousin and wife in their bedroom. My cousin is going to come to baby group with me - he feels he'll be the only man there! 
Deb


----------



## Spudgun

Thank you all for your comments and support. I checked the rates in our local area but they all seem to be 0.... It is really time consuming to find out the data as the table keeps clicking back to blank. I am in Middlesbrough. We went back to the clinic who gave us our son 4 years ago when I was 39, but it seems they don't have much success with older ladies in the 43-44 category. I have looked at Care Sheffield which is doable from here, but they don't seem to be successful either for my age bracket. Maybe the success rate is so low, they all seem unsuccessful :-( Travel to London might be possible, but my partner's work is every day so could be difficult for him more than me. I really don't like not knowing what to do for the best. 

Wishing you all the best in whatever stage of your journey you are on.


----------



## fififi

Spud - sadly over 42 with OE chances are quite low & most UK clinics advise ladies to switch to DE

Near to junction 25/26 of M1 so about 2 hrs from Middlesbrough is my clinic (Nurture) and Care, Nottingham. Both of those are showing some live births successes for ages 43-44 (The national average is 6%)

http://guide.hfea.gov.uk/guide/HeadlineData.aspx?code=101&&s=l&nav=2&rate=i&rate_sub=FSO
Care has 3/29 so 10%

http://guide.hfea.gov.uk/guide/HeadlineData.aspx?code=76&s=l&&nav=7&rate=i&rate_sub=FSO
Nurture has 1/6 so 16.7%

It is do-able so long as you know what odds you're working with. I was happy to go with 10% chance & was only when we'd officially given up and I persuaded DH to just have one last try we went for DE. (That resulted in two complete cycles but that's another story!!!) xxx

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


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## fififi

Another thing Spud is that those are live births in 2013. Advances & improvements being made all the time so could be worth ringing the nearer clinics to ask them for their unconfirmed (HFEA wise) data for last year to see if any success for age 43-44.


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## deblovescats

Hi Spud
I back what fiffi is saying - your odds increase if you are prepared to go for DE but are low whichever clinic you go to for OE. I was quoted 5% when I was 45 and advised to go for DE. This improves the statistics to about 50%. However, you need to be happy to go for DE as it's a big decision. I have never regretted it and I never even give the DE another thought. My little son is all mine as far as I'm concerned. It's also amazing how everyone thinks he looks like me - and they think his curls are due to my hair curling! 
Good luck in your decision.
Deb


----------



## Spudgun

Thank you all.
I think if our son didn't have leukaemia we would probably go with DE without much hesitation, but we would both like to give him the chance of a full sibling who could potentially be a stem cell donor if he relapses. Now we are uming and ahing about the best course of action with our clinic taking so long to give us treatment and me now being closer to 44 than 43.


----------



## fififi

Spud, There's definitely a chance with your own eggs but it's just going to be case of hoping you get that golden egg. My consultant felt that had we kept going with OE that I could have made it as he'd treated several ladies age 43/44 who had. For us we had given it all we could so felt right to move on.

You definitely need a clinic that's on your side and trying to fight for a pregnancy as much as you are. Putting in all they can to give your chances an extra boost. My clinic gave me a hysteroscopy immediately before cycling (to have a better effect than endo scratch alone & check no polyps/growths in way), adapted standard protocol so I'd produce best eggs (for me it was short cycle but we also discussed natural cycle), we were set to use the embryoscope to minimise embryo handing & monitor embryo development better (bit expensive but we thought for our last attempt worth giving the embryos best chances possible), embryo glue been proven to improve implantation rates in over 35s when used with blastocysts. I was also on Gestone injections rather than cyclogest pessaries to maximise progesterone levels which can be lower in "older" women. And clexane 20mg injections to enhance blood flow.

Deciding what to do for best is hard for anyone but when you're hoping to get a full sibling to help your son it must be even more difficult. I can't imagine how hard things are for you & your DH being faced with difficulty conceiving when it's got even greater pain involved than just wanting another child. That in itself hurts so much so to know that not only would that child be very much wanted in own right but could also be way of ensuring the son you've got has happy and long life must be so, so painful.
I know nothing about stem cells but would half sibling not also be a potential match? Could their be any donor requirements that would be better than others in their potential such as same blood group as you? (Don't mean to pry or offend, just curious.)

Really hope you find way forward and get a happy ending soon


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## Spudgun

Siblings are the best chance of a good match. Half siblings not so much. Parents (who share half genes) are rarely a match so I guess the chance is the same for half siblings. Otherwise matches are found on the worldwide databases after immediate family have been ruled out. In honesty, I have tried very hard not too think too much about it because I really hope he doesn't have to go down that route.


----------



## Altai

Spudgun - unfortunately success rate for our age group is very very low but that doesn't mean that it couldn't happen. I read some responses on your separate post here and must say I am really envy ladies who got  pregnant on their first/second attempt in that age bracket. They are few lucky ones and  most probably high responders. 
For majority it'd take numerous attempts  to get that golden egg. And most would probably give up. At the beginning I said I'd only do 3 cycles.  I ended up doing 10 cycles (on top of numerous ovul inductions/Iui) in 6 different clinics across 3 different countries and used 6 different DS (I'm single).  It all came with a enormous emotional and financial cost I am broke and broken. 
I am a firm believer that it could happen even at that age but might take many many attempts to get that ONE egg. Doesn't help that you r tied up to one clinic/location. 


Hi to Deb, Lesley, Ella, fifi, grey and to all who I missed. I don't know what happened yesterday but I couldn't find the thread. 

Afm- didn't have high hopes but got a major shock of my life.  Now praying that this little one  will stick with me. 


Hugs 

A.


----------



## fififi

Altai - that's fabulous news       
Am really rooting for you & hope that this finally is your time. You so deserve this


----------



## Clara01

Altai, so happy to read your news!


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Oh my Altai    What fantastic news   I really am keeping everything crossed and praying for your sticky bean here  

Grey xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Altai - whoohoo!!


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## Altai

Thank you ladies. 
I am so scared that something  could go wrong given the odds at my age and that all that enormous effort would end up in heartbreak and tears. 

I am seeing gp tomorrow - they have been very  speedy tbh. I called them on Mod when got results and they even offered to come the same day. 
Next challenge how to get medication from GP. I am running out of everything this week as didn't buy enough, I even used up my leftovers from Lister and Serum. I'd thought what the point to get more.
Not sure if they px clexane etc. probably have to ask ladies on Greek thread how they dealt with their GP and what reasonably to expect. 

Hugs and love



A.


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## Altai

Oh, Grey you might know what expect form GP? 
My difficulty is that clinic is in Russia, so I won't get any written confirmation for them.


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## fififi

Altai - ive sent you a PM

Depending on where you live your GP may help out with prescribing some meds. Mine (Leicestershire) sadly wouldn't prescribe anything as not allowed by trust to prescribe fertility related meds & the few things that were more general (eg clexane) he needed a NHS consultant to say I needed as he didn't know enough about them/or me to be the person responsible for prescribing them,
Hopefully your GP in an area where more flexible - seen number of posts in past from ladies where once got BFP their GP would prescribe ongoing meds.


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## cornwall

I found with GPs, it depends on the individual rather than the surgery. My own GP has always prescribed everything without any questions, always agreed to blood tests, referred me for scans etc.  I ran out of Cyclogest shortly after getting my first BFP and my GP was on holiday so I had to see another doctor. He was horrible. Told me to go back to my clinic for meds, blood tests etc. Said it wasn't for the NHS to pay for my treatment. He didn't ask where my clinic was (Cyprus). I lost the baby a few weeks later. Since then, I have only ever seen my own GP.


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## Altai

Thank you ladies. 
Hope you all doing well. 

Cornwall what a horrible experience you had with your surgery. I will see what I will get tomorrow. 

Fifif - sent you a msg. Thanks.

Did another 2 tests once again- frer is positive but cheap internet test still shows negative. What a rubbish  test. 


Xxx


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## Greyhoundgal

Altai - after a discussion with my GP, q copy of the prescription and protocol (post BFP) from serum, my GP agreed to px everything except pred so estrogen, utrogestan and clexane. I think it depends how understanding they are and what their particular pct rules are. They should at least px clexane and prog as they are fairly normal in pregnancy. Fx for you  

Grey xx


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## Coolish

Altai - super congrats. My GP was good at letting me have blood tests done and tried to see if he could prescribe some of my meds but sadly the practice wouldn't let him. I ended up having to get emailed prescriptions from Serum and then I ordered my meds from Ali's with next day delivery. It was quick as they accepted an emailed prescription. Lots of ladies though have said if you can get the paper prescription it's much cheaper in Asda. I always seemed to leave it until the last minute (as I didn't want to tempt fate by ordered several weeks of meds)!

Hi to everyone - just a quickie, popping on and looking through...


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## LuckyE

ALTAI!! I was wondering what was happening with you and look what I found?!  So HAPPY for you! You did it!


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## Altai

Thank you cool, lucky, grey, Lesley, Ella, Cornwall  fifi, Clara. 

Been to my GP tonight -  she refused to do tests, no funding for this in my area. so will have to do privately. 
But she's prescribed  progesterone & estradiol. Re clexane - she will find out tomorrow if they could px it. 
If not, will have to go to Serum 2 ask for px.

Am praying all goes well with the second blood test. 

Love


A.


----------



## cornwall

Altai, great news that GP will px meds for you. Hopefully she can px clexane too - it is a standard medication. I had to use it every day for 6 weeks after my LO was born. Good luck with everything


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## fififi

Glad you've managed to get prescription for progesterone & estradiol - my GP wouldn't even do those!
Hopefully GP will do clexane too x


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## fififi

Ella - fingers crossed this is your lucky cycle     

Hope everyone else doing ok xxx


AFM - ended up back in hospital as contractions got worse & my consultant was concerned I might go into labour much sooner than planned so wanted me to have series of steroid injections to help baby's lungs stand chance of functioning if born this early. (I'm 24 & bit weeks now). Back home now as contractions back to being low level though still fairly constant so on alert in case need to return to hospital. Wishing & hoping extra hard I can last out few more weeks at least to get to 50% chance of survival & much lower risks of serious defects even if baby does survive. My consultant wants me to be at 30 weeks before arrival so that's target for now.


----------



## fififi

Thanks Ella x


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## deblovescats

Fiffi - so sorry you're having a tough time - I'm keeping everything crossed that the little one holds on to 30 weeks. Every day makes a difference. You rest and take care of yourself and the little one.
Congrats altai.
Good luck for your cycle ella.
AFM - we're both doing fine. James has his 12 month immunisations tomorrow so not looking forward to it, bless him. I'm getting excited now about next cycle - got a review appointment Sept to discuss tx. My problem at the moment is that James is not showing any desire to stop breast feeding although he has cut it down! Not had a full night's sleep since he was born either - so at least it'll be nothing I'm not prepared for if my cycle works!
Hi to everyone else.
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Gosh Fifi you are really going through the mill with this pregnancy.  I was so hoping you would be able to relax and enjoy the experience.  Sending you a big hug  

Altai how are you doing?  

Ella  keeping everything crossed for you babe, so hope you get your baby dream xx

Hello Debs, round two coming huh?  Hope you get another lovely James to love xx

AFM Got my loan!! So excited, the only blot on the landcape is my job is not safe again.  Why can't things just go well for a change.  I put off getting the loan to see what would happen but I just can't put it off any longer I am sick of being in limbo 

Love to you all on here you are my sanity, my outlet and my fellow rollercoaster riders


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## deblovescats

Lesley - hope you're recovering well - can't believe bad luck with your job - especially when you're needing a loan! Hope the job is ok. Have you decided on a clinic and when you're going to go for a cycle? we'll have to meet up when you're up to it. 
Fiffi - I know it's difficult but now you're at the point where a baby is viable and doctors will do all they  can, but hope it doesn't come to that.
AFM - took poor little James for his 12 month immunisations this morning - he was upset but he's been fine since. You should have seen the look he gave the Practice nurse!! Can't believe I'm at that point now. Yes - counting down now to next treatment. James is such a joy, would love him to have a sibling. Just got to tackle the sleep! 
I agree with Lesley - you have kept me going through my journey! Good luck to everyone
Deb


----------



## Altai

Fifi - hope all goes smoothly after hospital stay & no more contractions. It's never ending worry, is it? 

Lesley - sorry about your job. Tbh, am in even worst situation job-wise. So, can fully understand all your worries.

Deb- 12 months he' a big boy now. How the time flies. 

Ella - good luck with cycle & fx for the positive.

Afm- had an early scan yesterday, have seen sac & yolk perfect for dates.  But  had a bit of a bleed on Monday & occasional spotting since then. My progesterone is very low. Last week it came at  25 nmol/l. But was told that 800 cyclogest is enough. 
Basically it's a waiting game now.


----------



## fififi

Debs - hope James not had any side effects from jabs. My DD gave death look to nurse when getting hers too!
Exciting times coming up with your tx planned for Sept. Lots of children improve sleep pattern from 12 months so fingers crossed you'll be less tired soon xxx

Lesley - sorry to hear that job is yet again on wobbly ground. Will continue hoping it doesn't lead to you getting another redundancy. Is the loan dependant on you having a job? Obviously no pay will make things lot harder financially but really hope there's way around it for you   

Altai - delighted to hear the scan showed everything growing as should be. 
That dosage of progesterone should be sufficient but if you had any spare cyclogest perhaps you might consider 3 doses a day for extra reassurance - but obviously that's my opinion not medical recommendation. Not sure how you're using the pessaries but there's been research done to show vaginal use is slightly more effective than rectal. Wasn't huge difference but could help. (I'd saved link but cannot locate at minute.)
Hope you got all your other meds sorted. Are you having another scan/appointment or do you need to wait until 12 week one now?

Ella- hope everything going smoothly

Grey - extra hugs this week & will be sending lots of positive vibes into cyber space for your scan Friday

Cornwall, Cooljules & anyone else ive missed - hope all good with you 


Thanks for support ladies. It really helps to know others are thinking of me & willing me on. Really hoping life gives me a bit of a break soon as seem to do nothing but climb over hurdles of late. Not sure if I must have been some evil, evil person in previous life or destined for extreme happiness in future cos the amount of cr*p ive been through this year is pretty unbelievable!
Have been fairly stable the last few days so hoping that will continue. Cervix is feeling quite uncomfortable mind so if that hasn't improved by end of day may head back to hospital to get checked. It's shame hospital not nearer as would feel happier if could just get there myself without need to rely on other people giving up couple of hours to ferry me there & hopefully back. That said, if my concerns increase then I'm not taking any risks & will make use of whoever I can get hold of.


----------



## deblovescats

Fiffi - glad you're doing ok, just hang in there and take it easy. Don't worry about having to rely on people to help out with lifts - you need to do what's necessary and I'm sure people don't mind. James was fine after his jabs - apart from needing a two hour nap in his cot ! (Nap - what's that?) Actually got some work done! I'm getting excited about starting next tx, but just need to get him sorted with sleep and weaning from breast! Discussed stopping at his one year review with health visitor and I've got a leaflet to read and digest.
Altai - I'm with fiffi about the pessaries - don't have the results of the research, but from my own experience I found the vaginal application more effective. I got 2 BFNs with cyclogest rectally, then on next cycle, using utrogestan vaginally, got a BFP - not sure if it was just luck, but it maybe was the difference of application.
Good luck
Hi to everyone else
Deb


----------



## Altai

Thank you ladies
I am using pessaries vaginally. The epu said that yolk should help with progesterone production. 
Clinic said do not increase the dose. Looks like everybody is in opinion that my progesterone level is sufficient and if anything goes wrong that's because something wrong with the foetus. Have had spotting all week and woke up to another bleed this morning. Other than that - I have no other symptoms of pregnancy  whatsoever.  Just have wait and see how it'll progress but doesn't look good at the moment. 
I am scheduled to have another scan in 2 weeks. 
Sorry for the luck of personals - disappointed, got through one hurdle just to get to another one. 
Hope everybody enjoying there weekend.

Love

A.


----------



## FolicAcidIngester

Hi Altai, I was about your age when pregnant with my son. I bled from week 6 to week 12, spotting and pantliner level fresh bleeding. Even though bed rest was not recommended I did it and my little fighter held in there. You'll know this already but bleeding is common in IVF pregnancies as they blast us with everything and our ovaries are swollen and can twist. My dr said my bleeding was intrauterine mind.

Wishing you loads and loads of good wishes, FAI x


----------



## Rosalind73

Hi Altai,

Just want to echo what FolicAcidIngester (what a great name by the way) says...I know how terrifying it is to have any bleeding, but it is really common - particularly in IVF pregnancies apparently - and it could very well mean nothing.

Also not feeling pregnant doesn't necessarily mean a whole lot either. Having symptoms is reassuring but many women don't have very many at all.

Keep going and remember we're all rooting for you.

Lots of love

xxx


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Altai Hun - we read all the time about ladies having no symptoms so don't worry about that   And I'm sure the bleeding is just one of those IVF pregnancy things .....like the others have said. Try to keep positive Hun   I know it's hard but try to  

Grey xxx


----------



## Coolish

I had a couple of very scary bleeds when pregnant and thought it all over a couple of times. SOme lovely ladies on here pointed me in the direction of some info about how common bleeding is in IVF pregnancies - especially when taking aspirin or Clexane. My progesterone was on the low side at 25 and I had to increase the pessaries and stop the aspirin.


----------



## deblovescats

Hi
Just wanted to echo what the other girls have said - I understand that there can be more bleeding in an IVF pregnancy. I had a scare at 6-7 weeks, with bleeding - thankfully the EPAU said it was all fine - they thought it was a haematoma, from implantation. I had no more bleeding after this and I now have my gorgeous boy. So it can be common in pregnancy and is very often all ok. 
Good to hear from you jules! Have you made any decision about going for a sibling?
Deb


----------



## fififi

Sending you lots of baby dust & positive thoughts - hope that you will soon be posting happy news


----------



## fififi

Altai - hope things ok with you    
Thinking of you lots & sending positive thoughts


----------



## Coolish

Ellaa - thinking of you and crossing everything for you xx


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Ella - good luck hun - I so hope this all goes well for you  

Altai - hoping everything is going well?  

Lesley - how are you feeling sweetie?  

Hi to everyone else - things are quiet on here at the moment.  Feefs I know we catch up on the other thread but hope you're doing ok too.

Grey xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Ella lots of    and  hope this is your chance for a lovely   or   

Hello to everyone else xx

AFM I have been put on notice of redundancy    must say I am pretty sure I must have been a horrible person in my past life because I can't seem to get a break babywise.  I have had to put the loan on hold as I have no idea if I will have a job after 45 days.  Everytime I get close to it life snatches it away.  DP is thinking about going to Saudi to work and that's probably my only chance now.  xx


----------



## fififi

Lesley - am sorry to see that you've been given notice of redundancy. Really isn't fair    

Has DP also been given notice? Do hope that life turns around for you quickly & there's a way to have tx in the near future   
Thinking of you & cross with "universe" on your behalf cos you don't deserve this at all


----------



## LellyLupin

Feefs no he hasn't but he is fed up and I think he feels if he goes to Saudi and makes mega bucks we stand a chance of having a better life.  I feel so guilty as I know he doesn't want to go.  I can't believe this has happened to me again.


----------



## fififi

Really is cr*p situation for you.
If DP was to go to Saudi how long is he thinking to do that for? Has he got contacts or does he need to find job from scratch? Would you go too?

Friend's partner/husband went to Saudi for year & was able to save more in that time than 3 years in England - they were saving for wedding. She went out for couple of visits but wasn't keen to live there herself as found life as female too restrictive.


----------



## deblovescats

Hi ladies
Ella - good luck for your cycle. 5 embryos is great - you just need one. I got 12 and after going to blast, got 4 embryos - one resulted in my gorgeous little boy, and I have 3 frozen. So quality is important more than numbers.
Lesley - I'm gutted for you, after you've gone through op and everything. So sorry about the redundancy. Let me say - you're a lovely person (and I have met you!) and you did not do anything bad in a past life. Life is just rubbish sometimes and happens to the loveliest and most deserving of people. Those who get what they want, are not necessarily wonderful people. There are so many undeserving women who get babies and don't look after them, so it's nothing you did. I do so hope you get some funds coming in - maybe a great job is just round the corner! 
altai - hope you're ok.
fiffi - hope you and the little one are holding on there.
jules - good to see your post. Hope you little one is doing great.
AFM - little James is unwell this weekend - had a temp, cough, and sticky eyes. He's a miserable little soul at the moment
Deb


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Deb - hope poor James gets well soon   Sounds horrid, poor mite  

Lesley - I have to agree with Deb, life often seems to hand out the most rubbish to those who least deserve it   I don't know why that is but it's got nothing to do with you or former lives. I've also had friends a go to Saudi and save A LOT of money so if he can bear it it really might be a great idea for a short period of time. I do feel for you hun. Do you think there's a chance you'll get a bit of a payout for your redundancy? That would the something at least  

Grey xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Thanks for the support girls I really appreciate it I really do.    I won't get any redundancy pay at all as I have only been there a year.  Must admit I keep filling up with tears I feel so very down at them moment.  So sorry for the me posts xx


----------



## fififi

Lesley - no need to apologise for the me posts ... we all joined this thread to support each other & get support due to the cr*p life was sending our way. We were all needing ways forward after having had BFN & lacking in hope. The support we've needed since those early days has been varied but despite that I'm sure I'm ok saying that for all of us helping each other keep going and look forwards is never an issue & we can all really sympathise with the stress you're currently under    

Hopefully redundancy will actually turn out to be a good thing and you'll quickly be snapped up by new company looking for one of the most caring people I know. You've got so many positive attributes I really hope that things go your way quickly & it won't be long before you're having to request maternity leave


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Don't worry Lesley   We all need to lean on each other from time to time and if you need us that's what we are here for....just wish we could do more   Try not to worry about what will happen with work - I've often found you can be really surprised how life works out yo the good....even when you think you are rock bottom. I, hoping that will be the case for you  

Grey xx


----------



## Altai

Hi ladies

Elle - how are you progressing with yr cycles? You must have had ET. Fx for the successful outcome. 

Deb - hope baby James  has  got better and enjoying sunny weather. 

Fifi - hope y and LO are holding there. 

Lesley- sorry about your job. Those things are always come at worst possible times, aren't they? 

You postpone motherhood as y think you'd be financially/relationship/etc more stable in late years. Doesn't always happen this way unfortunately. 
I lost my job last year so just temping for the time being. Obviously not great especially when single and having  ivf treatments on top. But I couldn't delay ivfs no matter what because of my age. 
Probably you could do some temp work for a while?

Afm- had my scan, baby perfect for dates, heartbeat seen.  I am still spotting but since I stopped clexane no more bleeding. Next Harmony test. Am I right thinking that I would be referred to FMC for Harmony test? The sonographer in epu thought that I'd be due to my age. 


Ho to Grey, Rosalind, Folic and everybody is is reading. 

Hugs

A.


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Altai

So pleased all is going well and baby is measuring on target    I went to the Fetal Medicine Centre in London because they combine the harmony with nuchal fold screening. The director, Professor Nicolaides, is world renowned for his expertise in this area. They're not cheap but there again the harmony is not cheap and at least this way you get two extra scans too. I didn't want an NHS nuchal screen as I have read so many horror stories of the NHS saying "oh dear there's a problem with baby" only to pull it back two weeks later because they got it wrong   Unfortunately I think it's down to the knowledge and expertise of the sonographer.....

Grey xx


----------



## Rosalind73

Fantastic news Altai! I'm so pleased to hear your scan was okay today. You must have been so relieved.

Not sure if you know but the NHS are evaluating Non Invasive Prenatal Testing (I don't know which one though - Harmony, Panorama or maybe another one) http://www.rapid.nhs.uk/ and were piloting it in my area last year so you might be lucky.

But most people have it done privately, so you can self-refer yourself to anywhere that does it. The FMC seems to be a good place as they're a charitable research centre (so they invest any profit back into research) and they do a good package combining the test with scans.

And as Grey says, the director is world renowned - apparently he invented the nuchal fold scan.

Good luck and keep us updated!

xxx

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


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## Rosalind73

Quick update - looks like the NHS have stopped recruiting for their study now - so you'll have to pay for it I'm afraid.


----------



## Altai

Thank you Grey, Rosalind.
I am waiting confirmation from my GP as to the test and if they could refer to FMC. Tbh, not keen on NHS nuchal as much as I am bound to be high risk due to my age. Don't want additional stress to what already have. Just when I said I am only spotting, got bleed yesterday. Never ending worry..

Hope all is doing well.

Hugs

A.


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Altai

As the FMC is private you don't need GP referral just call yourself - the Harmony with nuchal screening can be done from 10 weeks.

Sorry you're having bleeds   Having had some the other week I can imagine how worrying it is having it regularly  

Grey xx


----------



## cornwall

Hello ladies,

Hope everyone is well. Fifi, how are you doing? I often look in to see if you have any more news. You've had such a hard time.

I hope no one minds me posting a bit of good news. Had my 12 week scan yesterday and all looking good - one healthy baby  
Bit shocked because this ivf worked first time - took 4 attempts to get our little girl so was expecting at least two attempts. Just celebrated our little girl's first birthday and now she is going to be a big sister. And we will have two children under 2!

Wishing you all lots of luck whatever stage you are at.


----------



## fififi

Cornwall - congratulations       
Brilliant news. Your life will be totally mad but so much fun!

Grey - hope you & your two beans doing ok   

Altai - glad scan showed all well. Hope further testing, if you do it goes smoothly too. Also crossing fingers that those scary bleeds ease off for you soon.   

Ella - hope things your end are all going well. You must be close to testing now. Really hope you are updating soon with happy news     

Debs - hope James all better now and back to his fun loving self. Have you plans for any other holidays this summer or is money (& leave) saved for your cycle Sept/Oct? You've not mentioned your sister for bit so hope she's backed off a little   

Lesley - how's things with you hun? Hope you've managed to stay ok-ish through yet another problem life thrown at you. Has work situation been finalised? Any decisions about DP & his thoughts on getting work in Dubai for a time? Still thinking of you lots & sending extra big hugs today    

Hi & hope all going ok your end to Cooljules, Rosalind & anyone else ive missed   


AFM - baby & my body still hanging on in there. Had another rough time & been at hospital daily for 10 days now. Initially went in as was having really bad contractions again & couldn't feel baby move at all. Whilst the hospital were doing various monitoring & scan it was also discovered that there was bit too much fluid around baby. Excess fluid can be not an issue at all or sign of quite serious problem with baby & it's very difficult apparently to know what camp someone falls into until baby born unless obvious change elsewhere. Trying to stay positive but it's hard having that little extra fear in back of mind. Still not feeling movements but the daily trace monitoring shows heartbeat fine so having to rely on that for now - just hope this cheeky LO starts wriggling a bit more so can be reassured by that rather than need to be wired up on machine every day.
I'm getting closer to my 30 week target - just 11 days to go!!! Not entirely sure how that will change things but am hopeful my consultant will say I can sit more rather than be reclined ... 12 weeks of bed rest is definitely not good for me! How crazy that, hopefully, in few months time, I'll be thinking even 4 hours of bed rest would be nice!!!


----------



## deblovescats

Hi everyone
Feefs - sorry you're having such a rough time! Your LO is such a little fighter - everything crossed. Hope you can ease off a little with the bed rest. Hope the monitoring shows everything ok.
congrats cornwall - I'm hoping it rubs off on me when I go for next cycle! You'll cope fine!
hope everything going well altai and greyhound.
AFM - everything fine - James is much better though still got a nasty cough! He's well in himself and has been charming everyone at Sainsbury's this morning! Smiling and singing and getting so much attention. He's such a little flirt! Bumped into a mum I know via DCN - who lives locally to me and she's a single mum in her 40s too - decided to go it alone as she hadn't met anyone. She's got a little boy about 6 months older than James. So it's good to know someone in the same situation  - via donor and single! We've decided James and her little boy can go on some play dates now they're mobile. Situation with sister is calm at the moment- tho the issues haven't gone away. We've had lots going on - James' birthday, then friends visiting so taking them out between us and then her birthday so went on family picnic. she makes little comments at times about why doesn't she deserve a baby, man etc but she hasn't made any plans to go ahead with tx yet. I have chatted with Health Visitor and colleagues at work and got some ideas about how to deal with sit. I've decided if it blows up again, I'm going to try and concentrate on James and hopefully new baby if it works out! We'll see. She's still waiting to see mental health worker.
Deb


----------



## LellyLupin

Hello lovely ladies just a quick catch up.  Cornwall so pleased you are  having another little one, your body remembers how to get pregnant and stay pregnant which must make it easier to fall the second time with ivf, is this baby a frostie?  Keep us all posted won't you xx

Fifi more stress for you sweetie but your baby is hanging on in there so she/he must be a little fighter.  This baby will be perfect so stop worrying and try and relax, I know its been an absolute nightmare for you but this baby will make it and will be the joy of your life I just know it will xx

Altai so pleased everything is going well for you and all your scans are good, you have worked so hard to get this dream so I am   everything will go to plan for you,  you deserve this baby so much xx

Debs glad everything is going well with you and sister has clamed down a bit, can't wait to hear about when you start on the path to your next beautiful babe xx

AFM everything is still up in the air.  I went back to the hospital for a check up and the consultant told me I had to go for ivf now before my endo grows back.  Now I don't know what to do, I daren't get a bank loan at this moment.  I am going to ring him on Monday and see if he can put me on temporary treatment to prevent the growth until I can get another job.  I have a second interview on Thursday.  I would feel very guilty getting this job and then leaving to have a baby but what choice would I have.  DP has his cv in at Saudi and Sierra Leone so we are waiting to see what happens.  If he goes abroad I can get the loan and it won't matter so much if I am not working.  I am pretty sure the Gods are testing my endurance at the mo - again.

Much love to everyone I have missed.


----------



## cornwall

Thank you so much for your good wishes. I feel bad about posting because I know some of you have been on this journey longer than me and it seems so unfair that you still haven't got your babies. 

Lesley, I hope you are able to get a loan and go for IVF. You are right about my body remembering how to get pregnant. This one was a fresh cycle as I never got any frosties from my previous attempts. We couldn't get the same donor but weren't too bothered. LO looks so like her dad and even my own family say she is like me. Ironically, we have 3 frosties from this cycle. Not sure what we will do with them. I'll be 52 when this little one arrives and I don't think I could manage another pregnancy, especially with two terrors to look after  

Fifi, stay strong, you are so nearly there. All will be fine


----------



## deblovescats

Lesley - hope it all works out ok for you. I really feel for you. Will catch up with you soon.
fiffi - hope you're doing ok.
Cornwall - congrats and good luck with the little one. You give me hope that my next cycle will work out with a BFP. When I went for a review appt the nurse said that altho no guarantees, if you've had success before, your body knows how to respond to a cycle, so fingers crossed.
Good luck to anyone cycling
Deb


----------



## LellyLupin

Hi girls managed to get an appointment with my consultant for tomorrow to see if I can get some treatment that is reversible pretty quickly should my fortunes turns so I am relieved about that.  I didn't want my endo to return and then get my loan and have to go through surgery again.  I am determined to be a mother one day I just wish the Gods would give me a break.  

Cornwall don't be silly we all want to hear about your new baby, I don't think anyone on here begrudges anyone a baby because we know how much these babes were wanted, I certainly don't xx


----------



## Coolish

Congratulations cornwall - lovely news xx


----------



## chooshoos

dear ellaa

so sorry to hear your news, my heart really does go out to you, you were so lovely and supportive on the june/july thread, horrid it ends like this. dont be sorry for the me-post, thats what FF is for non? 

you need to take time to recover from this emotionally, pysically and financially. Its worth doing some investigation to check all is still AOK with you, going in to another cycle blind could be more money down the loo, I will do the same if this next cycle doesnt work - for example I found out my thyroid measurements were too high, neither the endocronologist nor the IVF clinic flagged it up. 

sending you big hugs and lots of positive karma to rebuild the strength to make whatever the best move is for you
Take good care of yourself
X


----------



## fififi

Ella -     
So sorry your cycle didn't work out. Allow yourself time to be angry/sad etc as that's important in order to move forwards.
Right now nothing seems fair


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Ella - so sorry Hun   It us unbelievable how tough this journey can be   give yourself a break though and go easy on yourself.....just have a time out  

Thinking of you
Grey xxx


----------



## deblovescats

So sorry ella - it's heartbreaking when you have all your hopes pinned on a cycle. Take time to recharge your batteries and work out where you go from here. Take care of yourself.
Good luck
Deb


----------



## Altai

Ella -am so sorry, it's so heartbreaking. But hopefully next time is the lucky one. about immunes -  having done most of them I am not so sure about the value tbh. As on most of my cycles doses varied, so it was more empirical at the end than per test. I believe that it's mainly down to embryo competency (in the absence of medical uterine factors). 
Hope this break will be a good distraction for you. Remember there is always tomorrow. 

Hi to all

Hugs,

A.


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## LellyLupin

Ella nothing I can say that will help just we are all here for you and all of us know the pain you are feeling.  Huge huge hug coming your way sweetheart


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Lesley - how are you doing hun   ?

Grey xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Hi Grey well I went back to the consultant and he has fitted me with a Merina coil to try and keep my endo from growing back, its pretty much reversible when I am ready again for ivf.  On the job front I had a third interview with a company next week so its looking pretty hopeful for me    How are things with you?


----------



## deblovescats

Lesley - fingers crossed for the job and the coil! Good luck with them both. Hope you're doing ok.
Fiffi - hope everything going well.
Hi to everyone else.
AFM - James is much better but can't seem to get rid of his cough. He's a real little joy. Got my appointment booked for 1st Oct to plan treatment and for scan. Looking forward to it.
Hope you ok ella.
Deb


----------



## fififi

Lesley - glad consultant able to suggest something & nothing involving meds either.
Hope job works out   

Ella - still sending hugs   

Debs - not long now until new plans take shape!!!

Grey, Altai & Cornwall - hope all going smoothly with those precious on board cargos

Everyone else - hope things ok and days are generally happier than sad xxxx


AFM - the bumpy road continues!!!!
Spent weekend in hospital again though more due to young over cautious doctor than major changes. Still got reduced movements so quite worrying but on monitor & scan all how should be, although baby only moving head or opening/closing hand rather than big movements. Doctors would like a bit more going on but at same time not hugely concerned hence been allowed home again. Fluid levels still bit high so again monitoring needed. In theory if all stays stable will have stitch removed in 7 weeks & baby pretty soon after that


----------



## LellyLupin

Good luck for the next go Debs hope you get a girl this time so you've got a full set xx

Feefs  7 weeks and he/she will be here wow that's flown but I bet it hasn't for you.  I am sure all will be good and you will have a bouncing healthy babe xx


----------



## deblovescats

Thanks feefs and Lesley. Glad you've got a treatment plan sorted Lesley - everything crossed and big hugs for what you're going through. Hopefully the cycle will work out - I'm getting excited now. This times, a few work colleagues/friends know - and want to be included! They're very excited and think it's amazing. My initial concerns about what they'd all think haven't come to anything, they've all been supportive, my closest ones in particular. If everything goes according to plan and I get pregnant, a girl would be lovely but obviously as long as it's healthy, it's fine. Whichever gender, I'm sure James won't be impressed! He's used to having mummy and mummy's boobies to himself! We're on a plan to wean him off which is hard. He's got a new game which thankfully he doesn't play when we're out - which is lift mummy's top and expose her booby, grin at it and cover it up again! Tops which cover all are now the order of the day! 
feefs I really feel for you - after all the heartache, it would have been lovely if you could have relaxed and enjoyed the pregnancy, but your little one is tough - and so are you. I know it's not great to be in hospital, but it's better to be safe. Amazing - you'll be holding your little one in 7 weeks or so! How times flies. Keep strong and take care of yourself. Big hugs coming your way as well!
Grey, Altai, cornwall - hope all going well with your little embies.
ella - hope you're taking care of yourself hun.
Hi to anyone I've missed!
Deb


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Debs - exciting times on so many fronts for you with the next cycle coming up and your helpful child doing booby flashes for you   just what you've always wanted   re the cycle - fingers crossed for you and hope it all goes to plan  

Lesley - good luck with your next interview my lovely   They take a lot out of you I always think because you have to sell yourself but hopefully you'll be all sorted soon. Coil sounds good - I've read of that quite a lot and does seem to be a very successful way of managing the endo so that's great news - holding it at bay until you can get started.....really hope that's soon for you    

Feefs - I really can't believe how much you've had to go through but gosh this baba is a fighter, I did read once that ladies who have problematic pregnancies often have really easy babies so I hope that turns out to be the case for you   It must have been horrid going back to hospital but they do seem to have looked after you really well. I can't believe it could be 7 weeks....only seems like yesterday you were so nervous about the first few weeks - wow!

Ella - thinking of you   Hope your time away with the girls helped you to chill out and I hope you had a well derserved glass or two of wine - or five   hope you're ok

Altai - how are things coming along for you?  

Cornwall - hope you're doing well too  

Afm - I'm fine....neurotic but fine   a good ff friend made me promise to calm down and enjoy the pregnancy at this stage but I'm still not fully there....but I'm trying   Was very frustrated today having made a huge soup with ginger, chilli, sweet potato, mushrooms and goji berries in (yes it is bright red but tastes SO good) only to do a quick google double check on goji berries.....not enough research but thought to possibly cause miscarriage. So had to start all over again for me and the whole lot (8 portions) goes to DP   humph.....

Hugs to all

Grey xxx


----------



## cornwall

Fifi, so exciting to think you will be meeting your little one in just 7 weeks. I hope things go reasonably smoothly.

Lesley, good luck with the job.

All quiet here. Morning sickness finally starting to settle. Told family and friends and everyone seems pleased and excited for us. Seeing consultant next week to discuss birth plan. Had emergency section last time so will request another section this time.

Best wishes to Debs, Altai, Greyhoundgal. Ella and anyyone else, whatever stage you are at. It is such a hard journey but so worthwhile. Every day we feel blessed to have our little girl, even when she's an absolute horror


----------



## deblovescats

Thanks cornwall. Lesley - hope everything's settled down for you, hun. Fiffi - hope the little one is hanging in there!
Hi to everyone else.
Just wondered if anyone saw the 'Eastenders' episode yesterday with the heartbreaking storyline? I watched it with tears in my eyes and then went to gaze at little James and reflect how lucky I am to have him. I feel so sad for all the women for whom this storyline isn't just that, it's real life.
AFM - the saga with my sister rumbles on - we've had a few weeks of relative calm and now it's reared it's head again. Over the Bank Holiday weekend, we ended up having several arguments - going over and over the same ground. We never move it on. I've had a heart to heart with a friend and work  colleague this morning - she talks real sense and is very supportive. She says I need to get assertive and state it very clearly that I have to put James and myself first and that I can't make up for what she has lacking in her life. I've decided I need to put some space between us for a while and regroup!  Sorry for the me post! 
Deb


----------



## LellyLupin

Hello lovely ladies - well after 3 interviews and lots of tests I got the job   so my baby dream is back on track!  

Debs didn't see the Eastenders story line so can't comment on that but I must admit all the pictures of peoples kids in their school uniforms on ******** have really got to me lately, its so very hard when you don't have your own little ones,  to see other peoples kids milestone moments.  Sigh selfish I know but its so bittersweet.

Anyway enough of that, glad to see everyone is doing so well with their journeys/pregnancies funny how the baby newd on here doesn't depress me it cheers me up, probably because you all deserve your babies so very much and have gone through so much to get your dream.  

Debs so sorry the sister saga is still on the simmer, families can be so wearing and cause so much stress.  My sister is still estranged from me so I don't get the stress but the sadness of a fractured family is still there.  I don't know how you can tackle your sister, I think I would have blown my stack by know she just cant seem to see that you are not responsible for her unhappiness xx


----------



## deblovescats

Lesley - so happy for you! congrats on the job front! The baby dream is going to happen for you!  ^ Thanks for the sympathy! I can totally understand how you feel when you see babies and children - it's so hard. I have been there! 
feefs - hope you and the baby are doing ok.
AFM - I feel awful for moaning about my situation with sis - when I know how hard it is for some of  you guys in your journey for a baby, Everyone on here is so supportive. I feel so lucky, it's just the sit with sis does tend to spoil the eleation of having my darling little boy. Anyway, I know I need to put it behind me and move on - otherwise it'll follow me through life and always spoil it for me with James. I'm going to try and be firm with her - and make it clear I'm not responsible for her happiness/unhappiness.
Deb


----------



## Coolish

Congratulations on the job Lesley - excellent that the plans are back on track!


----------



## fififi

Just popped by to say HUGE Congrats Lesley - so pleased that sun is coming out of clouds & hopefully won't be long now until you are in very happy place    



Life my end not going well. Yet more complications discovered & had huge scare on Thurs when baby's heartbeat dropped to very low level whilst being monitored. Home at minute but going daily for few hours to hospital. Likely to be admitted anyday now.
Spare wishes/prayers etc very welcome. Hoping to be back soon with positive news


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Lesley - delighted you got the job  and now you can really go for it with your baby plans  

Feefs- already said thinking of you on the other thread but here's another big hug  

Grey xx


----------



## Dolphins

Hello ladies 

Cor blimey! I haven't been on FF for some time, and it's like meeting up with old friends.  

Just wanted to let you know that I'm about to start my 6th IVF/ICSI cycle later this month, my 2nd FET.  I am obviously hoping that it will work this time, as if it don't, we'll be going for donor.  So wish me luck everyone!

We have got our protocol, and had our baseline scan last week which was clear thankfully! All we have to do now is to get the drugs, and wait until my period starts then we are good to go. 

Bye for now.

xxx


----------



## deblovescats

feefs - I'm thinking of you, hun - so sorry you're going through such a tough time, but you have a real little fighter on your hands! It goes without saying, you have all my prayers and best wishes for a positive outcome! 
Grey - hi
Dolphins - good luck with cycle - you so deserve it  - as do all you lovely ladies on here!
AFM - counting down to review appt to plan and discuss next cycle - cant' believe it's nearly two year to the month when I had treatment which resulted in little James! Scary where the time has gone!
Deb


----------



## Altai

Lesley - congratulations with the new job, glad it'l allow you to proceed with baby making plan 

Fifi - poor you it's never ending worry up until the baby is here. Fx for you and the LO. Not long to wait. 

Dolphin, Deb - good luck with your next cycles. 

Grey, cool, Cornwall - hope all goes well for you.

Afm - had 12 weeks scan last week, all is good, baby' measuring slightly ahead of dates. I am still feeling sick, nauseous and tired all the time.  Though feeling slightly better than before. 

Best of luck to all


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Altai - just so delighted to read all is well with the baby  that's really great news  

Grey xxx


----------



## LuckyE

Altai - found you. Congratulations with the scan results! Can't believe it's really happening!! xxx


----------



## fififi

Thanks for all good wishes.
I'm seeing consultant & have scan tomorrow. Been on daily monitoring past 2weeks so just hoping get positive news tomorrow. I'll update if I can but if kept in might have to wait few days as to add to my stress managed to break ipad so using DHs for now but won't be able to take that to hospital as he needs it! (Plan is to see if local shop can fix for vaguely sensible price & if not buy new one but due to daily 4 hour sessions at hospital not had chance to do anything else!)


Debs - if out of contact I do hope new cycle goes well & James gets to be big brov soon

Lesley - have you start date for new job? Is it similar role to now? Much travelling? ... looking forward to seeing full update

Altai - great news that scan was good & all going well for you. So exciting that so many of us have recently made it through those starting gates

Grey - hope all continuing well with you & your growing belly. No more scares I hope. And no more long work trips either for that matter!

Cornwall - hope you're continuing to bloom and everything going well for you

Dolphins - lots of luck for your upcoming cycle. Will be hoping you get to continue the baby boom that is currently changing this thread from general sadness to a much more hopeful place

Cooljules - hope all good with you

Ella - glad that you are able to be thinking about another cycle. After my first DE cycle failed I was supposedly walking away but managed to persuade DH to have one final go. (My logic was the clinic gave us a 50/50 chance so I needed 2 goes to be able to maximise my odds) In my case am very glad we did have a 2nd final try.
Must be very frustrating that your clinic not more concerned that you only got 2 embies. Was that from initial fertilisation or after few days? We only got 2 embies on this cycle from 19 year old donor and my clinic were really shocked as were expecting at least 6 - it was a shared cycle so they'd expected 12 in total. As it was I got a lucky one out of those two but had it not worked clinic were offering me free cycle. (Though I had been with them 5 years and spent over £50,000 plus been part of their patient forum/advice group so had very good relationship)
Unfortunately very little you can do now with regard to current clinic but I think investigating other clinics makes lot of sense. Where do you live? Definitely worth researching lots before you have that final, final go. And when you do - it's essential to remember that you've a huge chance of success


----------



## fififi

Ella - getting two blasts was good but obviously no Bfp not outcome you'd hoped for. Were you only recipient or had donor done egg share? If you only got half of initial eggs from what my clinic told me they'd expect you to get to blasts but not necessarily embies to freeze. If you had received all eggs from cycle then you'd expect to have a few to freeze.
My first BFN DE cycle our donor was 29 and we got half eggs. Had 7 I think & ended up with 2 good enough blasts to transfer but, like you none to freeze. At time I was very frustrated as on OE cycles had always got to blast & top grade embies at that so we didn't seemed to have gained anything. Talking to our consultant at review realised that it was the next step that would have shown the difference & whilst they'd hope to perhaps have had 1 or 2 embies to freeze majority of their shared cycles didn't.
Taking that into account if it was a shared cycle & you're generally happy with your clinic perhaps it could be worth staying. However a change of clinic can be good thing too. We swapped 5 years ago & felt a much stronger sense of optimism starting somewhere new. I think key element is how much trust do you have in your clinic. For us we knew the clinic were wanting happy ending for us and they were definitely doing all possible to get us there. If you don't feel your clinic is behind you then maybe look elsewhere. Since you're saving for next cycle you've time to consider your options. Hopefully your next cycle will bring you the same happy outcome as mine


----------



## fififi

AFM Scan today not great as baby Wasn't moving which was worry as normally there's a small amount of activity.
Fluid levels still high & baby stomach bit too big but consultant not able to provide reason for this as yet. She has said today that it is most likely indicator of a problem but how much of problem we just can't know until baby born. I'm trying to put the worst case scenarios out of my head for now but it's proving ever harder to do so. Growth was good though & all obvious physical markers fine so that's something.
Having another lot of steroids over weekend & then continue with regular monitoring for next two weeks before c section at 34 weeks as consultant now feels baby will be better out. However wants to aim for 34 weeks to minimise additional risks from very prem baby.
Head all very cloudy at minute. Glad that end is in sight but pretty scared that there's still lt of hurdles to overcome.


----------



## deblovescats

fiffi - thanks for kind words. Hope you're ok. 
Ella - sorry for the outcome of your cycle. I think you have to do what's best for you - whether it's staying with your clinic or changing. There's no harm in researching other clinics. 
I had two failed cycles with DE (egg share donor) at LWC and felt I needed to change clinics. I was disappointed with the number I got - was allocated 8 eggs, but ended up with only 2 blasts, one was frozen, other implanted. I researched others including abroad. I then went to CARE Sheffield - DE  (egg share donor cycle again). The donor was 34. I was happy obviously with the outcome - it resulted in my little James. I got 12 eggs, 10 fertilized, 4 went to blast, and one became DS and the other 3 were frozen. So it was a good outcome for me. I found out the donor also had a baby.
So you need to do what you feel is right and not feel guilty if you need to change.
Deb


----------



## LellyLupin

Hello lovely ladies, hope everyone is doing ok.  Feefs how are you and baby doing now?  When will you actually be induced?

Debs hows the sister situation?

Ella how are you feeling now?  Are you a bit brighter after your disappointment?

AFM well after the joy of finding a new job DP is about to lose his,  so we are back in the same boat as before  .  I was very lucky to land my job otherwise we would have lost the house.  The steel industry has gone into freefall so the site is going to close.  Two steps forward and three back for the baby plans.  DP is hoping to land a job abroad which will be great and lonely for me all at the same time.  Ah well onwards and upwards as they say xx


----------



## deblovescats

HI Lesley
Good to some activity on the thread! Wondered if everyone was ok.
So sorry to hear about DP Lesley - it just doesn't seem fair to have so much bad luck. I hope your job is going well. I hope that DP gets a job. I really hope that you get some good news about being able to progress with baby plans. If you want to meet up to chat, just let me know! 
Feefs - hope you and the little one are holding on in there.
Hope you've formulated a plan with clinics ella.
Hi to everyone else.
AFM - James is doing well - he has his first pair of shoes  - he's mobile, walking holding on, but not yet walking on his own. He's a joy to me. I have appointment at the clinic on Thursday to discuss next cycle, can't believe it's come around now.  As for sister situation, it's like living on a volcano, sometimes everything's fine, sometimes not. We had a blow out a few weeks ago - same old story, she's jealous of me having James, and I can't begin to imagine how she'll be if the cycle works out. She was annoyed by me saying I had considered trying for no 2, but  she will go up the wall when she finds out it's a certainty. I'm not telling her just yet, biding my time, will tell her if I get a BFP. She hasn't heard about an appointment for CBT yet, but I have got her to go back to GP as she's constantly tired, wondered if it was her depression or anaemia. She's blaming me , saying that I said she shouldn't go ahead, but I never did, I just put forward points to consider. She keeps saying how could she go ahead, if I won't look after the baby if she were to have one, so here we go again, round and round ..... She also interferes when I'm trying to establish routines with James, if she's around .... It's getting me down, so I'm going to see GP myself to discuss. I know I need to keep putting James first, but it's hard as I get pressure from sis and mum, saying what about them, and I've got too many people wanting to take for me, I can't juggle all the balls. I shouldn't moan like this, I know really I'm so lucky. I just don't want to have all this stress hanging over me, if I were to be lucky enough for the next cycle to work, I want to be able to enjoy a pregnancy without thinking about how sis feels. She needs to move on, but doesn't . I will get through this I know.
Good luck to everyone cycling.
Deb


----------



## fififi

Just quick visit

Lesley - sorry to hear that DP now losing his job. You really deserve much better life than this. Hope things work out quickly for you both & baby plans can feature once more   

Debs - how exciting that James is beginning to walk. Sister situation really not good if it's beginning to affect you. Me thinks she'd benefit from a job overseas for while!!!! Remember that you ae important & if she's not wanting help there's little you can do. Know from experience how hard it is to just ignore comments & actions from jealous sister.

Hi to everyone else - hope all those pg ladies cooking nicely & those in between are doing ok & surviving the outside world & it's insensitive comments.

AFM - having early c section on Thursday as rather too many complications & risks to baby now. Am feeling very anxious as although there's 50/50 chance nothing is wrong at all there's 5-15% chance it's something quite serious. Those were my odds of conceiving for so long that it's hard to remember bigger chance all ok than not.
Will update once online again. As only turn 35 weeks day before will be in hospital for few weeks even if outcome good until baby big enough to go home.
Wishes, prayers, finger & toe crossing all greatly appreciated xx


----------



## deblovescats

You talk sense feefs - I really need to focus on James - sis does go abroad but comes home! I need to try and cut off from her angst and let her sort it out. If cycle works out, I don't want to go through all this again, with it marring a potential pregnancy again. 
It goes without saying, you have my hopes ,prayers and fingers and everything crossed that you and the little one are ok - s/he is a fighter, so I'm sure everything will be fine. You've done so well to hang on till 35 weeks, and although it is early, it's not perilously so. I had an elective C-section with James at 38+6 and it was - due to placenta praevia. You take care of yourself and keeps us updated obviously as time permits, you need to focus on little one first of course. It must be so worrying for you, thinking if there's anything wrong, but the odds are that it is most likely perfectly healthy.
Good luck
Deb


----------



## Salad4

Hi fififi - lots of best wishes for the c section today. I'll be thinking of you. 
Lesley - sorry to hear about the jobs merry-go-round in your house - i hope your other half gets a well paid job so you can follow your dreams. 
Debs - you are going through it with your sister. I can't imagine as mine is lovely. 
Ella - you'll know the right decision when you make it. I've moved clinic a couple of times. Still no joy, but I've learned different things from the different approaches. 
Good luck to everyone else at the various stages on their journeys. 


Afm, my other half lost his job in Jan and started a new one in Aug.  I've just been made redundant myself, so we're on the merry-go-round too. We had more tests after our last failed cycle and are now on the waiting list for donor eggs. I feel much less hopeful and have now started to think about adoption. I need to persuade him to come with me to an open evening, but that is easier said than done.


Salad


----------



## Coolish

fififi - hope the c-section goes OK today. You've managed to get to 35 weeks which is excellent!

Debs - I'm not sure what your sister does for a living but maybe she could see a private counsellor to talk through her thoughts on having a baby? It might help her see things differently if she talks it through with an independent? She needs to work this through... is it your appointment at the clinic today too? Good luck!

Lesley - I saw the bad news about the steel industry on the news last week. Hopefully he can find something, even if it's abroad. Will he get redundancy? I used my last redundancy to pay for the IVF that ended with DD  

Salad - you've been made redundant too? I hope you find something soon. I've had redundancy 3 times now - at one point, twice in 2 years. It's tough and sometimes can be an opportunity and you move onto something bigger and better. If you're moving to DE and them feel more hopeful - I'll bet your chances are much better with DE.

Ellaa - sorry to hear about your last cycle sweetie. Sometimes the time just feels right to look at other clinics. I did that and did some extra tests and moved to Serum which worked out for me. Do some research (it made me feel more in control) and see which clinics you can travel to and which will work well for you. 

Hi to greyhound, altai, dolphins and everyone else. This thread has been going for quite a while now and people still keep popping in to say hello. Anyone heard from Sushi recently?

My DD is now 21 months and a right little monkey. She's hypermobile so we've been having some physio to help her gross mobility. She's doing really well and is always wanting to try walking now - my back is taking a battering. We've been using sign language since she was 4 months old and she's been having little signing conversations with me for ages and ages but more recently is using words as well and likes to sing to herself. So cute. She's smart as a button and thinks he best thing ever is to try and wind me up and make me laugh. It cost us a lot to finally get that BFP - in terms of time, money, anguish, energy, disappointment etc etc - but when she smiles it's sooooo worth it. All you ladies still struggling will get there too xxx


----------



## LellyLupin

Hi Girls  

Thanks for the support re redundancy, its tough especially as I had my hopes pinned on it, I feel I am running out of time as I am 48 now, I will have a probation period of 6 months to keep the job so I will be nearly 49 when I can try again sigh.

Sally let us know how you get on with the adoption talk, I was thinking of fostering before all this job hooha    

Jules sounds like you have your hands full with your little one.

I wonder how Feefs is doing, I hope all went well and shes holding her little bundle of joy .

Hi to Debs and everyone else xx


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## deblovescats

Hi everyone - thanks for the support re: sis.
Hi Lesley - I really feel for you and hope that you're able to move forward with tx soon! You so deserve some luck.
I hope feefs is holding her little one and that all is ok.
AFM - we go up and down, ok at mo. I went to see GP myself to discuss how the sit was making me feel low - she's lovely and supportive - she totally understood where I was coming from - she gave me two questionnaires which I know are to see if I'm a) anxious, b) depressed! I have to go back in a fortnight. She is going to chase up the CBT for sis. She already had an appointment the next day to discuss her tiredness (how on earth would she cope, ladies, with a little one!) The appt went ok - GP was discreet and didn't let on obviously what I'd discussed. So here's hoping she'll get her counselling appt through asap. She is now very unsure about going ahead - she said she doesn't know how she'd feel re: DE and she knows that you have to be so sure as obviously it's final. She wondered if I had issues about it and I said no, I never had had. He's just my son and that's it! She now says she feels squeamish about having embryos frozen and about what might happen to them if they're not wanted or don't thaw right. Makes you wonder what she thought happened. She also has issues about what's involved with the treatment. We had a big bust up the other night, but we're on an even keel at moment. She brought up again that I'm stopping her going ahead as wont' agree to look after baby if it happened while she was away. We go round and round in circles. I also suggested that she tries a DCN 'Preparing for Parenthood' course to see what's involved.
Had my appointment yesterday and went well. My lining was a bit on thin side for this stage of a cycle at 5 mm so the nurse said she's going to increase the climaval (oestrogen) dose for when I go ahead to 4 tablets instead of 3 to be prepared. She's also prescribed utrogestan. She said that we might as well do what worked last time! This time, I'm going with the embryoglue as well - so I've got all bases covered. She said the 3 embies are all stored singly so we'll thaw one at a time, hoping that the first one thaws properly and works! She said it should be 90% chance of thawing properly. All the embies are strong blasts, one is an expanded blast. Evidently James was an expanded blast the nurse said. I have two small fibroids which I knew about before but they're not in the uterine cavity and everything was fine before so hopefully it will be ok. She said the C-section scar had healed fine so all ok. All ready to go - I just have to let them know day 1 of period and start to take the climaval. I have my protocol, just waiting for prescription. I'm planning to go with the period end of November, as might be away on first hols with James beginning of November.
Sis will have a fit - she already commented bitterly about me planning on trying for no 2 while she doesn't have one! She just doesn't know when. I feel awful being so secretive but I know it just causes issues if I say.
Good luck everyone
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Deb just put your sister to one side shes being incredibly selfish, best of luck on your next go xx


----------



## deblovescats

Thanks Lesley and jules - I'm just trying to let it go  - and let sis get on with her issues on her own!


----------



## fififi

Going to be very rude & just pop by to update. Hope to be back soon to read through others updates and write personals.
Huge hugs to all & thank you so much for your words of support over last few months especially. I have appreciated your words more than can possibly say    

Well ... I am now a very, very, very (x million) happy mummy to a baby girl  
She was delivered by planned section Thursday at 35 weeks. To our huge relief no obvious problems have been found to explain why she didn't ever move much or why I had polyhydramnios. She was pretty big at 5lb8 (thank goodness I didn't go to term!!!) but because she is prem & not fully developed with skills like feeding/sucking and keeping her body temperature we are staying in hospital a while. Amazingly she didn't need neonatal care so we're on a "transitional care" ward together. It's been quite tough week and still lots of little bumps in our pathway but we're getting better & better at moving over them.
I look & feel like a zombie but soooo worth it!!!!

Also had most wonderful luck in that one of the ex theatre nurses from our clinic was lady assigned to look after us in theatre for the section. Seeing her brought a lovely ending to our journey to get a baby and reassured us that things were going to be alright.


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## chooshoos

CONGRATULATIONS fififi !!

wonderful wonderful news, here is many beautiful days weeks, months and years ahead with your darling daughter. 

Its a real tonic to read your heart-felt post, and happy 1 week birthday for tomorrow !!


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## Greyhoundgal

Just flying in quickly to say huge congrats on baby girl  so happy she's here safely for you...you did so well Hun  

Sorry for lack of personals to everyone - long day and v tired - hugs to you all  

Grey xx


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## Salad4

Congratulations Fififi   (can't get the dancing things on my iPad so this will have to do as it was my face when I saw your news). So so pleased for you - it's been a long haul and you've had to be so strong. 


Ellaa - I hope you af turns up. My cycles have got more erratic over the past few years but they are still here. I'm sure yours will put in an appearance soon.
Debs - it must be so hard for you - you live your sister and do want to support her but you have to look after yourself and James first. I hope her cbt starts to help her. 
Lesley - I hope the job is going well. I know exactly what you mean about age - I am a similar age to you. My additional complication is that my oh doesn't want treatment outside of the U.K. Hence my starting to think about adoption.
Cooljules - your daughter sounds adorable. 


Best wishes of your journeys everyone else. 
Salad


----------



## Altai

Hi all,

Just pooping in to say congratulations to Fifi, that's been such a journey well done. So pleased for you.
Hope you be home soon with your little bundle of joy. 

Best wishes to all on whatever stage you are on. 
Sorry for the luck of personals Will pop in later.


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## LellyLupin

Fifi my angel huge congratulation and of course the obligatory            finally you have your precious baby girl in your arms after such a traumatic time.  So very happy for you and of course we all need to know what she called now.    Regular updates please. xx


----------



## deblovescats

feefs - just wanted to say the biggest congrats on the birth of your little girl. It's been such a worrying time for you but you've both come through. I'm absolutely delighted - I hope she progresses well and you're both home soon! What a lovely run up to Christmas after all the anxiety.
Thanks for the support all of you - it keeps me going and gets me through.
Lesley - hope DH's job keeps going and you get to start treatment soon! As for clinics, there seems to be no age limit for Cyprus. The UK clinics will usually treat you over 49 - up to 50 or 51st year, and I think some will go to 52 or even 55, depending on individual circs, such as health and decide on an individual basis, so you've still got time! 
Ella - since having James and breast feeding, my periods have been rather erratic. They had got lighter before I was pregnant, but still present. I had thought they were back on track, but now I was planning for the end of November for a cycle, I'm still waiting for this period to start, now on day 33! 
AFM - sis wants to take Mum on a Caribbean cruise while she's able, as she's now 86 (though fit for her age) and they both want me to go with them and James. I wasn't sure as saving all I can for tx and possible no 2, but you never know how many more hols Mum can go on and might regret it if not, so I think we will. I have some put aside for next FET. 
Good luck to everyone cycling.
Deb


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## Coolish

Congratulations fififi - have you chosen a name yet?

Debs - deffo find the time and money to go on holiday with your mum. My dad died 3 weeks ago at the age of 81. You never know how much time is left, regardless of age. 

Ellaa - my AF had always been very predictable, apart from when I was trying to cycle - it would always be late then! Since having DD mine has become very erratic. I've just spent 6 months not having an AF - that was weird!

Salad - sorry to pry, but why doesn't your OH want to travel outside the UK? It is really easy to do and many clinics can offer a lot of help in organising things. Language isn't a barrier either as many clinics also have english speaking coordinators. 

Lesley - hope the job situation is resolving itself. I was 48 when I finally successfully cycled and had DD 2 days after my 49th birthday. Like Debs says, there are still lots of options at 49. 

Hi to everyone else xx


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## deblovescats

jules - thanks for the comments. I'm so sorry to hear the news about your father - I agree I need to go on the holiday with mum - you never know what's around the corner and she so wants a holiday with little James. We've booked the cruise now! It's so hard sometimes knowing that DS won't get to spend as much time with grandma that my sis and I had with our grandparents, but it's just something I have to deal with, taking into account age. I'm just letting him spend as much time as poss with grandma, who just adores him! I think a bit of winter sun will do us the power of good anyway. I don't regret going ahead with having DS though.
My cycle is playing silly beggars! I'm now on day 36 and no sign of AF - typical, just when I'm needing it to be regular ready for cycling at end of November. If timing is messed up, I'll have to cycle in Jan as clinic closed over xmas! Will just wait and see.
Deb


----------



## amandainny

Thank you so much Mels, all good suggestions. I will call the clinic and then around to other places to see what they can offer us. I will also bring up vitamins and the test you suggested. Thanks again for your support!

Best,

Amanda


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## LellyLupin

Jut a quickie to say I am so sorry about your dear dad Jules


----------



## Dolphins

Hi ladies  

I wonder if I can join you? I had my latest BFN last Thurs. 29th Oct. 2015, and it was my 6th cycle of treatment, my 3rd cycle trying for a sibling for my 2 yr. old son, who was conceived as a result of my 3rd cycle of IVF/ICSI treatment.  I am 41 in Feb. and because now, if we cycle again, we'll after do another fresh cycle, which chances of it working at my age is relatively slim, we have decided to go the donor route, even though this isn't an easy decision to make.  We'll probably go abroad to do it also, maybe possibly Serum, however at the mo. it is difficult to get my head around the fact that our son is going to be the only child we'll have that is going to be genetically mine and my partner's.

Anyway! I just wanted to say "hello", and hopefully get some support from you ladies.

Bye for now.

xxx


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## Coolish

Hey Dophins, welcome to this thread. Lots of lovely ladies here with lots of support. You'll be in very good hands with Serum. My DD is a result of moving to Serum


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## Dolphins

It's been 2 wks. now since my OTD, and I am still having more bad days then good, the pain is so great, I so want another baby, that it hurts! Anyway! Time is a great healer, and I have already started to look at our next step, which will be donor now. I have got a friend who has had a donor, and she went to Serum, and it worked for her first time, and I have heard great things about Serum, and I have heard that the success rate is so good, that after an early miscarriage, and 4 clear negative cycles, I just feel that I can't go through another failed cycle again,   so I need a "really good success rate". Also, in another country, if it work's your child is not legally obliged to look for their genetic parent at 18, as they are in this country, so that's another good reason to go abroad.  Also, the donor cycles are cheaper abroad!

However! I've got a couple of things that I would like your advise on ladies, if you may!

Firstly, if there is anyone on here that has gone down the donor route, or considering it, have you heard of the 'Donor Conception Network?' And if so, have you joined it? And is it worth joining? As I know that it is an annual membership, and I know that they run workshops for potential parents considering the donor option, but I was wondering, if it was worth joining? As the annual membership, is not that cheap.

Secondly, our clinic is pushing us to make a decision whether or not we would like to store my partner's sperm for a further 2 or 4 ys. with an added cost, but as we are now having to go through the egg donor route, is it worth storing it for longer, or just telling them to get rid of it, as we will have to transfer it anyway when we go abroad to have treatment, just in case we need to use it.  Basically, we don't know what the implications are, and haven't got the full information to make an informd decision on it either way, and the clinic needs to know asap, as the end of the storage period is at the beginning of Dec. 2015, so not much time at all.  It is really a decision that we do not really want to make at the mo.

Any feedback on these two big queries, will be "greatly appreciated!" Many thanks.    

Sorry about the lack of personals, but in between managing my child's behaviour, who has got additional needs, and feeling tired, emotionally and physically, I am finding it really hard at the mo. to keep up with other people's news.

Hope you are all ok.   

xxx


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## fififi

Dolpins firstly HUGE HUGE hugs at this difficult time as reality sets in. You will get through this time and hopefully find things to distract you from the worse feelings of hopelessness soon.

Have you seen the donor egg section on FF - you'll find lots of people there who can answer your questions fully and support you in this stage of uncertainty
From experience once you have made the jump to a different pathway you will feel better and regain that positivity. Lots & lots of ladies have success with DE following years of sadness using OE.

Can't help on sperm storage or hugely on DCN but from what experience I have the DCN are very big on telling the child about their conception which from what I think you're saying is not what you want to do at this stage. You will get lots of support from the DE threads on here, including current cyclers etc. depending on where you live you might even get to meet up with people.

Just to say DE in UK does not mean you have to tell the child and certainly doesn't legally oblige them to find their donor. If you chose to tell then that's fine. If told and they want to they have a means to try & trace their donor by getting in touch with HFEA and requesting last known details. Lots of ladies who have DE have no intention of telling UK overseas and equally many who go overseas want to tell.


----------



## fififi

Hi to everyone else. Hope things positive for you all. Will return with personals soon.

PS baby now officially 6 weeks old. Home but still struggling with weight gain and feeding issues so only just over 5lbs still. I'm still in state of disbelief and hoping that soon I feel confident she won't disappear and is really mine.


----------



## Coolish

Hey Dolphins - I'm a Serum success. I switched to them after 4 failed DE cycles in Spain, and one failed in the UK. Penny is fantastic and has a completely different approach to other clinics that I've used. I'm guessing Penny will want a fresh sperm sample (?) so do you need to transfer the stored samples?

Re DCN, as fififi has mentioned they are very pro-telling. I believe they can also help out with counselling, which you may be interested in. I'm no expert here though  There are a few very good threads on here regarding DE and telling or not telling. There is so much good advice depending on which route you decide is best for your family. From a person viewpoint, I've found that my view has changed on/off over the period of started DE to actually having DD.


----------



## cornwall

Belated congratulations Fifi. Such a long, hard journey for your little girl. My DD was just under 5lb at 37 weeks. She also struggled to feed but we got there in the end. Patience and perseverence   Take time to enjoy every moment because your little one will grow and change so quickly.

I'm now 25 weeks and feeling very round. My DD is 15 months old and full of energy so I don't get much time to think about the pregnancy. I'm having extra growth scans because she was so small. Hopefully this one will be a bit bigger (just a bit) and will feed more easily. 

Hope everyone else is well.


----------



## Crescent

Hi everyone I thought I might have more luck posting here, I tried the clomid page but no one replied... Anyway, I have tried clomid many times and this cycle took Menopur for tsi and the scan on day 11 showed a 26 mm follicle, had another scan day 14 and it was gone so she said you have ovulated, but had a day 21 progesterone which was 11 and I'm on cyclogest so not good, I'm not sure what this means and I can't get through to the clinic... Help, everything I have read says this means no ovulation but the scan showed I did? Thanks


----------



## fififi

Crescent - your situation seems very odd. Must be really frustrating for you. Not really able to help but wanted you to know you weren't being ignored & send you a big hug.
Hope you can speak to your clinic today as they are ones who will know best   


Cornwall - thanks for the congrats. Delighted to read you're 25 weeks already. Must be hard work with your other daughter being so young still but will be wonderful once baby bit older as good age gap between them. Keep on updating with your progress xxx


Lesley - how are things going? Do hope you are ok xxxxxxx

Debs - have you started cycle yet? Am soooo hoping it goes well for you xxxxxx

Cool joules, Grey, Salad, Altai, Ella & anyone else I've forgotten - hope all good with you xxxx


----------



## Coolish

Hey Crescent, sorry I can;t help out with your question but hopefully you've managed to get hold of your clinic.

Fififi - is your little one feeding any better now? DD wasn't prem (she was 37 weeks) but she had problems feeding for a little while and a couple of times we were nearly re-admitted to hospital. She eventually picked up - she's the tallest out of our NCT group

Debs - are you currently cruising or cycling?

Cornwall - 25 weeks and with a 15 month old? Crikey, you must be knackered 

Dolphins - how are you doing?

Hi to everyone else xx


----------



## Juju44

Hi ladies,

I'm new to the group, just want to say hi, and good luck to us all. 

I'm needing some positive stories that it will happen for me.  I'm with NewLife in Greece, waiting for my AF to arrive so I can have a scan, check follicle numbers (it was low last month), before starting stims (Menopur).  I'll be doing a short antagonist protocol this time, with orgalutran.
We want to try at least one cycle with my OE, before considering DE.

Best wishes xxx


----------



## deblovescats

Thanks fiffi and jules
Sorry for being out the loop - but have been cruising with mum, sis and baby! We couldn't get internet access on board. I'm now shattered - need another holiday to recuperate! James has been very good with long journey, but I'm shattered - coping with a little one on my own for an 8 hour flight! Sis and mum were upgraded to Business class due to sis working for airline! I wasn't due to baby, but was coming home today so a much easier flight back. James was a great hit on board - he was the most popular person = everyone made a fuss of him, with his big blue eyes and golden curls and cherubic face! He got taken for a girl at times! Fortunately he's at the age where he doesn't care about gender! He loved all the attention. The waiters all kept coming from their different stations to do high fives with him! Next year, I'm planning a holiday closer to home! 
Hi to all the new girls! Glad your little one's doing ok fiffi - it is worrying when they don't put on much weight, James ended up with losing 11% of his body weight initially! 
AFM - the wicked witch finally decided to arrive when on the cruise - so I started the meds and am hopefully on cue for a cycle - so was able to combine the two! Got home today so will ring clinic tomorrow and find out when scan will be! 
Good luck everyone
Deb


----------



## LellyLupin

Hi girls just popping by to say hello, hope you are all ok, welcome to the newbies.  Not much going on with me just waiting out my 6 month probation in my new job,  before I get my bank loan and try one last time.  Getting very anxious now as last time I got this for both my and DP were made redundant and scuppered my plans.  Hope fate doesn't throw me another curve ball.  

Hope the new baby is doing well Feefs, have you shared her name yet?

Glad to hear you had a fab if tiring holiday Debs.



XX


----------



## Sushi Lover

Hello to my dear friends.... so, so, so sorry I've been AWOL. I literally get ZERO time to come on here now with the twins. It's really is a full time job!! Anyway, I will have a read back and come back with some personals when I can .. (in work today so I have first bit of 'free' time in 10 months! )

A quickie for *Fififi*... WOOOHOOO! Time has flown and now your little girl is here already. Congratulations! So happy for you. Was your pregnancy ok? and the birth went smoothly? How is little one now with her feeding and weight gain? My twins were so tiny when born.. only 2lb 110z and 3lb 9oz and now weigh over 16lbs! They catch up quickly once they start feeding properly.

xxx


----------



## Larkrise

Hi everyone,
I've just found this thread so haven't had a chance to read back yet.  But I got a BFN on Sunday so still feeling very sad and hopeless. This is very hard, isn't it?
LRx


----------



## Sushi Lover

*Altai*........ OMG !!! Just seen your post from months ago that you got a BFP!!! Everything ok? When is EDD? So, so happy for you... it's been a tough slog eh? I salute you for sticking with it and persevering... such happy news xxx


----------



## Sushi Lover

Seriously... I can't keep up with all these BFPS!! *Cornwall* and *Grey* too?! this is amazing. Huge congrats ladies.

To all the girls still waiting for their BFP and the new ladies recently joined this thread.... I hope these happy and successful stories give you hope for us over 40's. This thread has more BFNs than anywhere else on the forum I think..... but, miracles really do happen and dreams come true all the time. Just give it everything you've got...mentally, financially, physically...it is a tough and long slog, but well worth the pain. You will end up totally poor and exhausted! ...but you will also end up as a Mum, and that is the greatest gift and most rewarding job ever. I never thought it would happen for me and it did, and I'm sure Altai, Grey, Fifi, Cornwall, Jules ... the list goes on... would say the same.... so keep hoping and trying and praying. It can happen for you too!! Fairy dust and good luck to all.



xxx


----------



## fififi

Sushi - lovely to hear from you. Aside from sounding busy it's wonderful to read the happiness in your posts. So glad your twosome are healthy & well and giving you the life you dreamed of for so long xxx

Debs - cruise sounds chaotic but glad you got time with your mum
Hoping your cycle goes smoothly. Do update as you go along. Am sending oodles of positive thoughts xxxx

Lesley - you really have had more than your fair share of sh*t these last few years. Definitely deserve a happy outcome and I'm really hoping it's soon xxxxx


Lark rise - welcome. Right now you must be feeling extra low with Xmas coming up. But trust that things can change and hopefully 2016 will be overflowing with BFPs too xx


Hi & hugs to everyone else. Just popping by so can't do lots of personals. Hope things going well for you all xxx


AFM little one still not putting on weight but this seems to be cos she's got severe reflux that the normal meds don't seem to be controlling. Hoping to see consultant soon & get better meds/help. Not great but compared to problems we thought we would have she's doing brilliantly & I'm sooooo in love.
Lesley - not putting name on FF as prefer to keep a little hidden from world in general. I'll pm you x


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## Greyhoundgal

Sushi - lovely to hear from you   can't believe your twins are 10 months omg - where does the time go  

Larkrise - welcome to the thread   though we are all sorry you find yourself here as we too know the pain of loss and BFns   you'll find lots of support on here....a lot of us have been chatting to each other for a long time and continue to come back to support each other regardless of what stage we are at.  I hope when you have allowed yourself some time to get through the bfn you can find the strength to move forward and maybe try again  

Lesley - hope all is going well in the new job....probation can't be too much longer? Will be keeping everything crossed for you and DP  

Debs - sounds like a lovely holiday - glad you all enjoyed it   good luck with your upcoming FET  

Hi Julie - I recognise you from the Greek boards   welcome here though as I said to Larkrise, it's sad when we find ourselves here   But lots of support  

Cooljules - hope you're doing ok? Did you decide about another DEFET or have you and DH decided not to?  

Feefs - hope all is going well with new baby and she's feeding nicely by now   Let us know how you're getting on  

Altai - would be great to hear how you're doing  

Cornwall - how are things coming along? We are not far apart in dates I think 

Dolphins - so sorry to read about things   Have you tried the donor part of the board to get info re de? You should be able to get lots of different stories and information there. Hope it helps you to plan your way forward  

Ella - how are you hun? It has been a while since we heard from you so hope you're ok  

Hope I haven't missed anyone but big hugs to everyone  

Grey xxx


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## deblovescats

welcome to lark and Julie - sorry you're needing to join the thread - but there is lots of hope here as you'll see from the number of BFPs in the end!
welcome back sushi  -- I cannot believe your little ones are 10 months old now -where has the time gone! I'm so happy for you. Motherhood is definitely tiring but so worth it- work definitely is a break! fiffi- hope your little one is now feeding better! Hi to grey. Lesley - so sorry you're having a difficult time - good luck with the 6 months and then you can cycle! Just to say - my mobile has given up the ghost so all my contacts are currently trapped in phone until I can get out my sim card and get a new phone, so can you pm or email me your mobile no again so I can text you! Thanks Lesley.
AFM - definitely back from cruise now but next year is going to be a holiday closer to home, but I'm glad I did it as you never know with elderly parents and mum loved showing J off on board. He really was a little star and everyone knew him on the ship. One waiter said he looked like the 'Christ Child' in religious paintings and J can now do a 'high five'.
Nothing with AF is straight forward though. She finally came on the cruise so cycle looked to be on course for end Nov. However, late Sunday night I was struck down with a severe bug of D& V- I know TMI! I rang clinic to ask if this would affect the cycle and the nurse said to come in Wed for scan as planned if I was clear of symptoms. So I had to rush around and book J in nursery today as it's not his usual day. Then one of the cats was ill! Then mum booked in for a gynae op tomorrow but they've now cancelled. The scan was ok - lining 8.3 and triple lined. Howver, had to have a blood test as left ovary was showing a follicle developing and clinic need to know if it's affecting things. If blood test ok, FET lined up for next Wed, if not, the cycle will have to be cancelled and to go for Jan but will need down reg injections. So they're going to ring me on Friday - so had to remember to give temporary mobile number! Everything happens at once! So now its a case of wait and see. Also, this cycle has taken more organising as obviously I have little man to sort out as well, especially being on my own. I had a good friend and colleague on standby to pick him up from nursery if I was running late but it was ok. If this cycle goes ahead, OTD will be a couple of days  before Christmas! 
Deb


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## Larkrise

Thanks for the welcome.  I have now had a chance to read back and I can see how supportive everyone is and what hard journeys everyone has gone on - it's a real inspiration.
My follow up is in early January and am going to visit a nutritionist and get myself in shape - both physically and mentally (fingers crossed) so that I can go again in the New Year.
LRx


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## fififi

Debs - fingers & toes crossed for you. Cycle when all seems to be going pear shaped often turn out to be best ones from what I've seen. Exciting times xxxx

Lark rise - new year, new beginnings ... take time to build your positivity back up and getting yourself in better place is bound to help lots x


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## Larkrise

Thanks Fififi, have a wonderful Christmas with your two girls!
LRx


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## Sushi Lover

*Fififi*.... mine both had severe reflux, colic, sickness and problems with feeding and gaining weight. Tried all the usual meds... in the end Omeprazole helped a lot, plus Neocate forumla or go dairy-free if breast feeding. These three things worked for us. Good luck.

xx


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## fififi

Thanks Sushi - don't think omeprazole is licensed anymore so been given higher dose of ranitidine to try. Dairy free option been suggested by few people -though not consultant - but I'm not sure I'll do very well with that with Xmas in couple of weeks!!!

Debs - how have you got on?
Sending lots & lots of baby dust up M1 in case your FET is today xxxxxxx


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## Sushi Lover

*Fififi*... oh, that's odd about Omeprazole... mine still have a dispersible tablet every morning. Omeprazole MUPS it's called. I found the Ranitidine and Domperidone didn't help even in larger doses. I tried a dairy-free diet and saw a remarked improvement. It's tough for 'Mum' though! I stopped BF'ing after 5 months because I was missing milk, cheese, yoghurts, chocolate etc. and put them on the Neocate... they came on leaps and bounds after that.

x


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## deblovescats

Hi everyone
Just a quick update! It's not looking good for this month Had a follow up appointment today - had to continue on the climaval in the meantime. So had a scan and blood  test again today. There I was lying with the probe inserted and the nurse had a trainee with her, plus she then called in the nurse manager for her opinion! They said the lining was brilliant - triple lined, but unfortunately the left ovary is now showing as a big cyst filled, which is the corpus luteum so I have definitely ovulated this month and it's not looking good to progress. As the clinic is closed for Christmas will probably have to cancel and cycle in Jan. I said I was philosophical about it and the nurse said that's the best attitude - better not to waste an embryo! They're going to rush the bloods through and get the consultant to check the results and scan tomorrow and then ring me. However, I've resigned myself to having to  cycle in Jan and I'm fine with this - want to have the best chance of it working! 
At least - I can eat and drink and be merry for xmas for the first time in a couple of years! Will update you girls.
Deb


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## fififi

Sorry to hear that Debs but I agree that you want to maximise your chances so delaying sounds best option. Having had my cycle delayed several times due to Xmas closure can sympathise but equally give extra hope as both my girls were result of cycle following the closure!!!


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## deblovescats

Thanks fiffi for the reassuring words! So glad you got your girls! I feel ok about cancelling.
AFM - update from clinic today. The nurse said that the consultant has reviewed the bloods and the scans and feels the best option is to cancel. She said they want to give me the best chance of getting a BFP and I agree. So he wants me to down reg for next cycle so they can control it. I have to start 7 days of the utrogestan pessaries (thought I'd avoided them for a month) to induce a bleed. I then need to have a scan before down reg and then either have a zoladex injection at the clinic at same time as scan or have daily suprecur injections to down reg. I have to let the clinic know when my period starts.  They close on 22nd Dec. Then hopefully it'll be all systems go in Jan. I'm going to enjoy my work xmas lunch next week - option for starter is prawn cocktail so I'll be able to have that this year! There's a positive in everything if you look for it! 
Good luck to anyone currently cycling.
Deb


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## fififi

Debs - new year new beginnings ... you will be able to start 2016 feeling positive and excited
For now enjoy those foods & bit of Xmas drinking that I'm sure are going to be off the menu for many months to come


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## deblovescats

Thanks feefs - hope you enjoy your Christmas with your 2 lovely girls!


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## fififi

Hello & happy 2016 to you all. Wishing it's a year that brings much happiness xxxx

All very quiet here. Do hope people are ok. I've not got long but wanted to post & say I'm thinking of you lovely ladies still.

Debs - have you started cycling again yet? Really hope lining does what it should this time.
Hope things with your sister not been too difficult over Xmas

Lesley - you are in my thoughts so often. Really really wanting this to be a year where you are posting happy news about all aspects of your life cos some joy for you is long overdue.

Aggggh got to go! Will return soon x


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## deblovescats

Happy New Year guys!
Wow - it is quiet on here!
Thanks fiffi - glad to hear from you. Hope your little ones are good.
James has a nasty cough at the moment - took him to GP yesterday, he had a temp. got an inhaler and to give him calpol. Kids are so resilient - he was really not well yesterday, he just lay around, not playing with toys etc. Today - he is much better - he is almost back to normal today - still got a rasping cough though. 
AFM - got scan on Wed - to check lining and to see if can start climaval tablets. Had zolodex injection and scan on 6th - period supposed to start a few days later, but nothing so far! I rang clinic and they said to come in on Wed. So hoping we're not back to November saga! 
Deb


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## Greyhoundgal

Debs - good luck with the scan next week   Hope James is properly on the mend ins poor little lad  

Feefs - how's all going with your LO? Hope you are settled into a new routine. Your DD must be loving having her around  

How's everyone else??

AFM - just a few weeks to go now   Still can't believe it really  

Grey xx


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## fififi

Debs - do hope scan goes well & lining issues don't continue so u get to cycle soon
Poor James - horrible when LOs are unwell. Hope he's fully better soon xx

Grey - oooohhhh you're at the exciting bit. Congratulations on getting so far - I'd had my little girl at your date so be comforted to know that your babies are grown enough to be born safely now. Do keep us posted. I'm thrilled that you're so nearly there. Have you stopped work yet?

AFM my big DD is loving being a big sister most of the time. Not fully happy with the sharing of my time side of things but loving having little baby to cuddle.
Little DD doing ok. Still having lots of hospital appointments as not growing as fast as should be. Also got problem with her hips that needs monitoring & possibly a harness to wear if still issue once she reaches 12 weeks corrected age. I'm thrilled to have her but finding things pretty tough going as she needs lot of extra care in order to help her grow. Just wish I'd been more mobile in pregnancy as house pretty much how I left it in May when got put on bedrest and I so want to sort the spare bedroom so can start creating a space for our baby now she's here. Didn't dare believe we'd actually get baby so until she was home from hospital all we had was a bed, carseat & few items of clothing


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## fififi

Hope scan went well debs xxx


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## deblovescats

hi greyhound and fiffi
Thankfully everything looking ok. Haven't had much chance to go online as little James not well. I had to keep him off nursery on Monday (he'd appeared better Sun) but he just wanted to cuddle all day and was so miserable .... I took him in Tues and they said he wasn't quite himself but he was fine. So I felt guilty Wed - but this was my scan day so thought here we go again, nothing but problems. I took him to nursery - worrying that I'd be a couple of hours away if he wasn't well enough and they rang me. I did have a good friend on standby for pick up though. However, he was fine.
Scan was fine! I was concerned as after the zolodex injection, they said to expect a period a few days later, but nada .... However the nurse said that the lining looked thin but she'd do a blood test to check. She thinks I'll be able to start meds ... The ovaries also looked clear - no cysts this time, so everything crossed. They're going to ring me with the results tomorrow.
Hope everything going well greyhound - so happy for you.
Glad the little ones ok fiffi.
Deb


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## Greyhoundgal

OMG - Ella - that's the best news   I'm so delighted for you  

Deb - good luck for next steps   Really hoping you'll be able to go ahead this time  

Feefs - I know from the other thread you're going through a hard time but don't beat yourself up   You've done th very best for (both) your DDs every step of the way  

Lesley - hope your plans are going well  

Hi to everyone else  

Grey xx


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## fififi

Ella - fab news ... HUGE congratulations xxx

Debs - glad things seem to be going to plan. Hope AF made an appearance & you are getting closer to ET. Do keep us posted as to how things are going. I'm rooting for you xxx

Grey - thanks for words of support. Bet you are getting very excited now. I can't wait to see your birth announcement in few weeks. Hope you are doing ok and getting lots of rest xxx

Lesley - how are you Hun? Really hope 2016 is treating you in way you deserve and things are becoming more positive xxx

Hi & hugs to anyone else still reading xxx


AFM - as Grey mentioned life bit tough at minute. My LO still not really growing so spent even more time in hospital. She's now on a special high calorie formula on top of me breastfeeding where I can. Really hoping she puts on some weight soon as been told we will need to have her admitted & tube fed otherwise. Also nervously awaiting repeat hip scan next Tues as she may need special body support/harness. If that's the case it should be able to rectify the problem without surgery which is obviously very positive but the harness itself looks horrible and I'm finding it hard to get over that. Really thought 12 years of fertility tx would have meant I'd been punished enough. So frustrated & sad that not really able to enjoy the baby I've wanted for so long.


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## Coolish

OMG Ella! I cant tell you how pleased i am to hear your news. Fantastic, it's made my day


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## fififi

Thanks Ella x
It is tough going & to be fair I think fact i don't really know people with babies locally is making things feel bit darker. That said I think what I'm finding hardest is fact I'm not really able to enjoy this wonderful gift we've finally got. Spending at least half of every week at hospital or with medical visitors leaves little time for all the fun things. But I still feel incredibly blessed and often have to pinch myself to believe this LO is actually ours.
Like so many others the journey here was a total nightmare so being in a position to get gorgeous smiles from a baby that's mine certainly makes things easier.


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## deblovescats

Ella - I'm so happy for you! Amazing news  - hope it all goes well.
Fiffi - sorry you and your LO are having such a tough time - I really hope she starts to gain weight soon. I know how difficult it is when you are also trying to meet others with mums. I've been going out to groups with James, but friends and colleagues either have no kids or have older kids, and it's hard sometimes to get to know other people who already know each other. I'm managing though. 
Grey - so glad pregnancy going well, you'll soon be meeting LO! Exciting stuff
AFM - got lining scan on Wed! Eek
Deb


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## deblovescats

Hi lovely ladies
Thought I'd post as this thread seems to have gone quiet.
Lesley - hope you're doing ok hun
Fiffi - hope the LO is doing ok.
greyhound - bet you are getting close to seeing your LO! 
ella - congrats hun - I hope the pregnancy goes well
AFM  - finally got the go ahead for this cycle and had FET on 10th Feb. I was very emotional to get phone call from embryologist to say the embryo had thawed well and was expanding well. The transfer was difficult as my bladder just wouldn't fill up! I was stuck there with the speculum inserted for ages! I got sent away to drink more fluids - and this time it went very smoothly! 
I am now officially PUPO! OTD is 23rd Feb, but I've been having symptoms of nausea and vomiting, felt just like when I had morning sickness with James - so tested day 7 - I know very naughty! Got a BFN! Then tested day 8 and day 9 got a faint BFP! Still BFP so roll on day 14! With James, I tested early and got BFN on day 9 then day 13, got BFP!
So I'm cautiously optimistic and have become a serial POAS tester!
Deb


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## fififi

Oooohhhhh sounds very promising Debs ... quiet congratulations     
Do keep us posted ... am crossing fingers & toes for you. So exciting !!!!!

Grey - big big congrats on arrival of your boys. Do pop by and update us with all the details. So lovely that after so many years this thread is having so many happy endings.

Lesley - The baton is officially on its way to you. Really really hope you do get chance to cycle soon and more importantly get to post good news soon after.
Hope things are going ok your end & work stresses reduced xxxx

Ella - hope pregnancy going well

Hope things good with everyone else. Sorry can't write more personals but time bit limited still

AFM - after even more hospital visits/stays my DD is finally on the up. She's on combination of my milk and a special high calorie formula. In the three weeks she's been on it she's put on more weight than the ten weeks previous. She looks like a different baby - still tiny for 4.5 months but looking like real baby now. She's just started chatting so is bewitching me more than ever! This week was first week since June that I've not had to spend time at the hospital - felt quite odd but a definite achievement. She's still needing to see dietician & paedritrician but visits now down to every 3/4 weeks rather than weekly. I'm going to miss all staff I've got to know so well!


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## Greyhoundgal

Just a quick one ladies to confirm as Feefs says, our boys arrived 1st Feb. I didn't do too well after the op so we had a week in hospital but the twins are perfect and we are besotted with them   Really can't thank you girls enough for all the support to get to this point  

Having a bit of a break at the mo as I need to establish bf and a routine but I'm lurking and will be back as soon as I can  

Hugs to you all  

Grey xxx


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## fififi

Debs - hoping that OTD tomorrow confirms your happy news. Will be listening out for joyous squeals from North of England!!!


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## LellyLupin

Hi Ladies, just a quickie to say huge congratulations Grey on your little bubbas xx  Ellaa huge congratulations to you my sweet I am so happy for you, I can't do any dancing bananas cos its not working though !!  Fifi hope your little one is thriving and you are getting plenty of sleep.  Hi Debs keep the texts coming xx Hello to everyone else Cornwall, Jules, Sushi etc hope your little families are thrivingxx

AFM: 7 weeks probation to go and then DE here I come, just doing a bit of research on clinics and looking for bank loans etc.  Any advice on clinics in the NE would be useful, I am torn between Care at Sheffield and Darlingtons London Womens clinic.  

Anyway huge group huge to everyone, you are all an inspiration to me xx


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## fififi

Lesley - so pleased you're getting closer to being able to cycle.
No experience of those clinics I'm afraid. I'm sure you can get advice from someone though.
Glad work sorted - hope your DP in work too. How's your mum?
Think of you often & will be wishing harder than ever once you get to cycle.


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## deblovescats

Hi wonderful ladies
I've been up since 5 am - couldn't sleep - amazing to get time to my self as LO asleep! He's got a nasty cough and that is disturbing his sleep hugely (and mine) He's coughed so much we've had two episodes of massive projectile vomiting - covering his clothes, face, hair, toys, cot and the floor! 
Lesley - so glad the time is ticking down for you to cycle. I have had experience of both these clinics (obviously as a result of getting LO I suppose my views are maybe not objective). I got 2 BFNs at LWC Darlington - both DE, one fresh, one frozen - same donor. I wasn't impressed, quite  frankly with the follow up - I trailed up there to have a consultation and was in 10 mins - all that was said was that no idea why it didn't work, sometimes they don't, I'd advise to just try again and see what happens! The initial consultation before tx also lasted 10 mins plus the counselling! I changed clinic and am now at CARE Sheffield - can't rate them highly enough. The staff are lovely and caring. It's just the same distance wise for me to get to. I had much more success with getting more eggs resulting in 4 blasts, one implanted, 3 frozen. At LWC, only got 2, one implanted, one frozen and it didn't thaw well, but they still said to go ahead! My initial consultation lasted an hour with the consultant - very thorough, and took detailed medical history. Then the counsellor was good and the donor nurse spoke in great detail (didn't have this at LWC). Obviously, you ladies all know, my first tx resulted in gorgeous James. I don't know if this is due to quality of embies or the different medication - I was on progesterone (cyclogest anally) at LWC, and utrogestan pessaries vaginally (progesterone) at CARE.
Grey - congrats hun on your gorgeous boys - take time to recover and enjoy! You so deserve it. Hope you are all doing well.
Ella - congrats hun.
fiffi - hope LO is thriving and big sis is enjoying her! You look after yourself hun after all the worry! 
AFM - I'm happy to report ladies that I am now officially pregnant - I can't believe it. After two failed cycles at LWC, have now had two successful ones in a  row at CARE. The test result has been getting darker and the line has come up immediately, even before the control line. I have also done a clear blue digi - and got a result of 'pregnant 2-3 wks' - it's amazing to see that word! I have to now ring the clinic to inform them and they'll book me for a viability scan. It's all stress isn't it? You stress before tx, then stress about outcome, then hoping embryo developing, then through pregnancy, and doesn't stop after birth! I just hope the new LO continues to thrive! I am just now enjoying being in my little pregnancy bubble. This time, I have had symptoms before getting a positive test - got nausea and vomiting and peeing a lot from day 5, but tested day 7 - negative. Then day 8 faint positive, and then gradually darker. Still nauseous and peeing a lot - but I feel reassured by it. I didnt' get this till much later when I was pregnant with James, hope its a good sign. I used to worry then that I hadn't got nausea! 
Now the big anxiety is how to tell jealous sis! She'll go ballistic! I'm going to wait till after mum's had a gynae op on Thursday, and sis has actually finally got a CBT appointment - just had the assessment so hopefully this will help. Won't let her spoil my joy though. My work colleagues who I have told are jumping about with excitement - we met last Friday for a play date with their kids who are older than James! 
Have a lovely day girls
Deb


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## Coolish

Congratulations Debs!


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## fififi

Wahhhhoooooooo                   

Debs I'm totally thrilled for you - hormones have caused tears to roll down my cheeks reading your fab news. Wish I could see you in person & give you biggest hug ever!!!
Glad your work colleagues are able to share joyous news. Telling your mum & sis will be challenge but I'd give yourself a bit of time first - assuming you're not grinning like a Cheshire cat wanting to explode with joy which might make keeping it ssshhh bit trickier xxxx


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## deblovescats

Thanks fiffi - you all such great, strong women - wish we could all do a massive group hug! The support I've had on FF has kept me going over the period of tx. 
I am so excited but trying to remain calm. I have told 3 colleagues who are good friends - one has had IVF herself but OE, and the other two have kids, one also lost a baby at 20 weeks. The one who had IVF doesn't know yet - she's on hols in Florida. The other two are wanting all the gory details about tx etc! They keep sending me excited texts! You'd think it was them who've got the news. They're telling me to pace myself at work already! Good to have the support. 
I have still been serially testing - lines now dark, but as clinic dont' do betas, no ideas on numbers. I'm just waiting for scan appointment - that's when it appears real - hoping and praying everything's ok. 
I'm enjoying being in my own little pregnancy bubble - shutting out the relatives at the moment - don't want them to spoil my joy. Taking my mum up to hospital tomorrow at 7.30 for her op - DS is going to come with us obviously! 
Hi to everyone
Deb


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## deblovescats

Thanks guys - your support has been so amazing over the last few years! I think that support was vital during my journeys.
grey - hope the boys are doing well.
jules - hi again and hope you're ok. I've seen you're planning tx in Cyprus on another thread -hope it goes well and you get a sibling for DD! You were an inspiration to me when I was cycling before! 
Lesley - hang in there - count down soon
fiffi - glad LO doing well - glad you're enjoying being a family of 4!
ella - take care of yourself and  take it easy. It must have been so worrying - this journey never stops the worry! It may be that you've lost one LO but sounds like the other is a tough LO! When I was pregnant with James, about wk 6-7 I had some bleeding, but no clots - checked out at EPU and was amazing to see the heartbeat - they thought it was implantation bleeding and a haematoma, and I think it can be more common in IVF pregnancies, so here's hoping good news for you
AFM - can't still believe it - I'm just taking it a day at a time, now 5+2 so got a scan on 14th March - it makes it seem so real. I've got morning sickness but I find it reassuring. I like to lie in bed in my little pregnancy bubble - after inserting the pessaries - makes it a better experience! Before getting up and dealing with James! and the two cats! My new dilemma - when to tell sis - I am expecting an apocalyptic outcome! My current idea is to stress the issue of not wanting to leave the little frosties - to either be allowed to perish, be donated to medical science or just be refrozen - their storage expiry is end of October 2016. Sis has an issue of not liking embryos frozen etc so I think this argument might work - that I wanted to give them chance of life! I still have 2 frozen so going to pay to have them stored for another 3 years - just in case! Don't know how it'll go - probably going to tell her after my scan. At least my work colleagues are very excited!
Deb


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## cornwall

Hi Ladies,

Lovely to read such good news. 

Thought it was time to add ours. Our little girl arrived on 15th February. She is the image of her sister despite being a different donor (DH must have very dominant genes). Our family is complete and we will now enjoy our two little girls. 

For anyone preparing to embark on this journey, we have just one regret and that is that we didn't start IVF earlier.  Don't spend too long thinking about it and don't worry about whether a donor egg baby will look like you. Everyone says my older DD is the image of me . The few people who know she is a donor baby think it's amazing as she has so many of my features and traits. 

Best wishes to all x


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## fififi

Cornwall - congratulations        

Really really delighted for you. So pleased that you too have achieved the impossible.

Enjoy your two very special girls.
Huge hugs xxxxx


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## fififi

Ella - hope you have no more scares and that your scan next week continues to bring happy news.
Try and enjoy your pregnancy. I'm sad mine was a barrage of problems as didn't get to enjoy it and that was part of what I'd dreamed of for so long. Make the most of the good bits and smile each time you rub that belly.

Keep us posted.
I'll be thinking of you & willing that bump on xxxx


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## deblovescats

cornwall - congrats on the birth of your little one - wow - you're a family of four now! Brilliant. 
Like you, I wish I'd started IVF earlier - but I was always hoping to meet a special man, but as he wasn't forthcoming, I decided to go it alone! If I'd known I'd be on my own now, I'd have done it before, but I think it's important to focus on the positives. 
AFM - I'm doing ok - just counting down to scan appointment - now 5 +3.
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Quick question girls, do you get many negative comments about being an older Mum?  In the last week or so I have had three people tell me that I am selfish to want a child at my age, its really upset me,  its angered me that maybe they have a point and I perhaps I haven't given it that much thought, am I being selfish,  will my child be left an orphan at a young age?  What are everyone elses thoughts on this?

Thanks

Lesley xx


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## Coolish

Lesley - tell them to get stuffed! Seriously what business is it of theirs to make you feel bad about wanting to be a mum? Unfortunately in life you never know what is going to be thrown at you and change your path in life. You will have a lot of life experience to share with a child and I would imagine, a lot more patience with your child. I'm an older mum and I have more energy than most of the mums half my age. I have a lot more patience too than I had in my 20s. I am hoping/intending to live to a ripe old age and be healthy too - my mum is 81, well 82 later this year. 

Ignore those negative people - they've never walked in your shoes. If they upset you, just come on here and talk to people who understand and don't judge based on age xx


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## DippyGirl

There are no guarantees in life you could be 29 and knocked down by a car in the morning would that be any more selfish?

I think you do need to acquire a thick skin because there will always be comments from ignorant and narrow minded people and I'd make a mental note not to tell people my plans who are not 100% supportive, it's none of their business.  Get a few one liners lined up in your head for such silliness.  How is it selfish to want to bring a child into this world to offer them patience, security, love and a stable relationship?

I have friends who had their children young and they are getting ready for the kids to leave home now so they can have some fun and I have friends who had their babies as planned and their lives fell apart because of illness or relationships or both and people who were so screwed up that they should never have had children.  I would suggest that the people making these comments are trying to justify their own life decisions.

I was once told to have them young or have them old and I think it's good advice - I possibly had more energy in my 20's but I was very emotional, I wouldn't have brought a child into the world then that would have been irresponsible and selfish.


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## chooshoos

its selfish to share unwanted and narrow minded opinions...

I wonder do they go around telling fat people or people with a disability they are selfish to have a baby, seriously there is a village missing an idiot somewhere....


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## LellyLupin

Thanks girls thank God for you all.    One of the people telling me I am selfish is my own Mother in Law.  I dread to think what shes going to be like if I do fall pregnant, I swear I will flip if she says anything remotely negative,  as she upset me so much when I got my BFNs by not speaking to me for 3 months because I hadn't told her I was having IVF.  Its her own sons fault I am childless too,  as he had had a vasectomy and not told me before we met, we now suffer from the dreaded antibodies,  I could scream with frustration at times!!!

All I want is a family,  is that so very wrong when I did not put myself in this position. Why do people have to judge.


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## fififi

Lesley - sorry you're getting so much negativity    

People's opinions of older mums is tricky but totally rubbish when it's family & work colleagues who in theory know you saying such hurtful things.
I'm sure many of us would have not chosen to wait until this age to get a baby but life has thrown at us what it has and there's no reason for anyone to say you're being selfish. If anything I'm too focussed on my baby & keep being told by health visitor to look out for me a bit more.

We are all rooting for you & I will be doing massive happy dance on day I see you announce your BFP.

You are such a caring person generally there's no way you won't be an amazing mummy xxxx


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## deblovescats

Sorry I've not been posting for a few days but my laptop has packed up! Got to get it fixed.
Lesley - sorry you're getting negative comments from ignorant people who should know better! Ignore them, hun - you'll be a brilliant mum. Age is no barrier to that. With age, comes patience and tolerance - things our little ones need in big measures. Older mums are more likely to be better informed, tend to be more educated (though not saying younger mums aren't) and cause we've waited so long, we tend to put ourselves last - just as feefs says!  Let's meet up again hun - and then I can tell you to your face how brilliant you'll be! 
I agree with everything the girls have said. I blame the media for whipping up all this hysteria about how terrible it is to have an older mum - no real evidence there at all. Younger mums are just as likely to have problems during pregnancy and birth - some are obsese with medical problems.
I was worried about what friends and colleagues would say - but I'm lucky ,they were all supportive and happy for me. They knew how long I'd waited. I always envisaged meeting a lovely man and having kids with him, but as Mr Right remained elusive, had to go it alone - otherwise I'd never have done it. I would like to be a younger mum, but we can't change what happens to us. I'm trying to be the best mum I can for James. I was 47 when I gave birth to James, and I'll be 49 when the new baby arrives (as long as everything goes ok), so scary but exciting times.  At least we know the babies are wanted - they definitely weren't an accident.
AFM - now 6 +5 and waiting for scan on Monday - hoping it all goes ok. Got morning sickness big time - earlier than with James, but am trying to embrace it!!! LOL. I've told a few close friends/colleagues at work who I work with and they're all mega supportive. Two friends/colleagues knew as soon as I took the test! I told two other close friends/colleagues at a meeting yesterday - but not broadcasting it wider, told them it was still early days. They were really emotional about it - gave me a hug, and one said she wondered if I was pregnant - she just had a hunch as she knew I was having a cycle at some time, and I just looked different! She then disclosed that she'd had one cycle of IVF years ago and it didn't work. She has a grown up daughter, she's about 54 so must have had it in the early days. So Lesley - I know there are really stupid people who don't support, but there are people out there who are happy for us! And you know we're all rooting for you!
I echo Lesley - couldn't get by without you wonderful guys! And it can happen!
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Thanks girls you have all cheered me up.  I know I shouldn't let peoples comments get to me, I just get so mad about the situation and it especially makes me mad when MIL has a say, if she'd brought her son up not to lie then I wouldn't be in this situation would I , I sometimes feel like saying that to her but I know I am not unkind enough and I would regret it.

I wonder if anyone who has donor egg could help me understand the HFEA figures?  I am trying to compare CARE Sheffield with Darlington Womens Clinic figures for DE live births but I am not sure what I am looking at.  Did anyone else do the comparison?  Could anyone tell me which one has the best success rates?    I am pretty sure it will be one of those clinics I will go to, Darlington  for convenience,  but Sheffield on recommendation, does anyone else have an opinion on either clinic?  Any help would be appreciated. 

Can I just say too you ladies have been my sanity through all the  heartache, your success stories have kept me strong and kept me going when I have felt like giving up.  I just want to thank each and every one of you for your support,  and I am so pleased that most of you have reached your dreams, even if I don't get there I won't ever forget the kindness of all of you.  I would do lots of hugs but my icons don't work any more for some reason xx


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## fififi

http://guide.hfea.gov.uk/guide/HeadlineData.aspx?code=75&s=g&&gv=No%20data%20value&nav=3&rate=i&rate_sub=DEF

http://guide.hfea.gov.uk/guide/HeadlineData.aspx?code=61&s=l&&nav=3&rate=i&rate_sub=DEF

X

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


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## LellyLupin

Sheffield it is then, thanks Feefs xx


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## Greyhoundgal

Just flying in to quickly say masses of congrats to Deb   Wonderful news.

Also to Lesley - don't listen to th naysayers Hun, the are plenty of rubbish young mums and loads of wonderful older mums too....  You'll be a fab mother  

Cornwall - congrats Hun on the. Safe arrival of baby  

AFM - loving he bubbas although I could definitely do with a long sleep sometime   had the BF consultant today....wish I'd done that before she was great, so empowering.

Hope you're all well girls  

Grey xx


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## fififi

Lesley - Sheffield stats much better so it's good you think you can go there. If there wasn't much in it I'd have said stay local but in this case worth bit of extra travel. With DE cycle there's far less clinic visits anyway - I think I only went for DR scan, lining thickness scan (x2) & ET. DH just on day of EC.
Sheffield will be easier for me to send all my left over baby dust to as well!!!!


Grey - lovely to hear from you. Delighted things going well. Sleep deprivation with one baby tough so dread to think how little you're getting with two. Glad you have had some BF help - hope things picked up there. Do send me PM if you want any further help/advice ... having had so many issues & times where DD needed tube/bottle feeding I'm now quite amazed at how much I know about getting supply up. Happy to Skype/chat on phone too if that's easier xxx

Debs - will be thinking of you Monday & over this nerve racking weekend. Hope you're managing yo avoid your sis as you don't need her upsetting you. Put yourself first hun - you deserve it xxx


Hi & hugs to everyone else xxxx


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## fififi

Debs - hope scan was ok. Worried about you. Sending lots of big hugs and crossing everything that bean of yours is growing xxxx


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## Coolish

Just checking in to see how your scan went today Debs xx


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## deblovescats

Hi guys
Sorry for the silence- laptop still not fixed so can only post when I get access to a computer! 
Missing my fix of FF so must get it done!
Hope everyone ok.
AFM - scan went well - heartbeat seen and baby measuring correctly at 12.3 at 7 +3. The only concern was a bit of free fluid at top of uterus - consultant thinks it is fine but I have to go back tomorrow for a follow up scan just to check. So I'm keeping everything crossed. Everything fine I think - got bad morning sickness this time, can't keep food down, but can put up with this! 
As for sis situation, no progress! We are in limbo with this one - she has another IAPT appointment (CBT therapy) so I'm hoping it gets better. She still doesn't know my news which is really sad! She keeps harping on about people she knows who had family looking after their kids when they were flying, but most of them had partners anyway. I don't - I live in hope but at the moment, it's just me. I can't cope with James, a new baby and a potential child of hers - who might have 3-4 days 24 - 7 every week. And if I was lucky enough to meet a guy, I think he'd run for the hills - 2 kids and a niece/nephew every week! She makes me feel guilty for focusing on me, but I keep saying we're two separate people, not joined, we need to make our own lives, which doesn't go down well.
I'm trying to focus on James and the new baby ..... 
Deb


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## Coolish

I was thinking about you this morning Debs - good news on seeing the heartbeat! Families can be incredibly selfish. Don't let her get you down. Hopefully her CBT will help her work around these thoughts. It sounds more to me that she wants kids because everyone else has them... You can't have kids and expect other people to look after them and your life not to change at all. Sorry if I sound harsh, but that's how it comes across xx

Lesley - how are the plans going?

fififi - hope the little one is doing better now. 

Ellaa - how are you doing? Is the bump growing nicely?

I haven't really posted any updates from me recently. My DD started walking unaided just before her 2nd birthday at Christmas. She's still having physio but doing really well. We saw the paediatrician last week and she said she's clearly a very intelligent, happy little girl and is doing so well with her gross motor skills that she is expecting to sign her off at her next appointment in 6 months. She was also impressed with her language skills - actually she never shuts up! I was quite a proud mummy when we left  It seems like only minutes ago she was a little baby, and now she's turning into a funny, opinionated little girl!

Hi to everyone else


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## Altai

Happy Easter to everybody,

Sorry haven't been on the thread recently,Massive congratulations to Debs, already 7 weeks, how did the time go? 
Cool-  great news about your DD.

Lesley - I will echo all posters and will say ignore all the negative comments 
Hope you will decide on the clinic soon. 

Grey - how are you coping with twins?

Hi to Ella, Fifi hope all goes well.

Afm - my gorgeous baby girl was born 8 March and been keeping me very busy since then. My mum is staying with me Helping with the baby,  we both servicing her 24/7 non stop. One baby is such a hard work don't know how people cope with twins.

Best of luck

A.


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## Lily0750

Lesley, before I found this forum I went to mumsnet to ask advice about IVF at 45.
Instead of constructive advice, all I got were comments about my age and how irresponsible I am.


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## LellyLupin

Hi everyone

I have decided to go to CARE at Sheffield just waiting for the registration forms.  I have a question though, when I had my ovarian cysts taken out they fitted me with a Myrena coil to stop them growing back.  Will I have to take this out to have an initial scan does anyone know?  I am reluctant to do so in case I am not suitable and I have to have another one put back in (it was so painful). 

Glad everyone is doing so well, its so nice to hear people talk about their babies instead of BFNs, makes me smile. 

Lily I hear you girl, I know I am old but I have so much to give and when I see how some youngsters bring up their kids I cringe.  I hate it when people just assume I left it too late for selfish reasons they just assume I am where I am from my own doing, who are they to judge.  

Debs I wondered if you had told sis or not, lord help you with it, I hope it doesn't take the shine off your news, don't let it you have to live your life not hers. xx


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## fififi

Debs - delighted & relieved scan went well.
Hope you are able to share your news soon with family & can ignore sister if not pleased for you

Altai - congratulations on the safe arrival of your little girl. Hope you are both doing well xxx

Lesley - good choice. Can't answer you re the coil - why not phone & ask? Hopefully it can stay as you don't want any more discomfort at this stage. Do keep us posted as to how things go. I think I will be nearly as nervous as you once you start cycle - I've wanted you to get to that point for so long now xxxx

Cool jules - that's great news about your DD. Such relief for you. Exciting times with her walking & talkng. Amazing how quickly they become little people not just baby.

Grey, Cornwall & Sushi - how's things? Do hope you & your bubbas are doing well

Ella - how are you? Hope all progressing well and you're getting excited about future


AFM - my little DD will be 6 months tomorrow. Time just flying by. I feel quite sad I've missed out on lot of early stuff as we were spending so much time with medical people. Am hoping the next few months will be full of better & happier memories that will give me (& her) something to look back on.


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## Coolish

Altai - congratulations on the birth of your little girl! I hope you're enjoying those precious first weeks xx

Lesley - brilliant news that you've chosen a clinic and started the process now - so it won't be long until you're cycling. 

Fififi - good news on your little girl. Six months is a lovely ages though as they are starting to interact a lot more - and throw food everywhere 

Lily - Some of the 'mum' forums are full of immature, missinformed, opinionated people. I have feeds for articles on my ********, but avoid the forums!

Debs - hope your follow up scan went Ok and your sister is behaving 

Cornwall and Greyhound - hope you're both getting some sleep with those little ones.

Sushi - you still reading or too busy with your little ones?

Hi to everyone else I've missed xx


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## LellyLupin

OK girls I've got my registration forms from Sheffield and now I am having a major wobble.  Am I mad to be doing this at my age, will I cope, should I just forget it and live my life as it is?  I think I am wary of the heartache if its a BFN, the stress of it all again, and the shock if it does work.  Can any of you ladies who fell pregnant reassure me?  Is it the best thing you have ever done ( I am sure it is).

I think if DP was on board I would have a totally different attitude but I am feeling very alone with this.  I asked DP tonight if he was prepared for this and he said he wasn't looking forward to it at his age,  but thought I deserved a fair crack of the whip.  Not exactly encouragement but the best I think I can hope for.  Are we strong enough for this?  OMG my mind is in a whirl.


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## fififi

Lesley - imagine the feeling you'd get if you had big win on lottery. Then imagine how that sense of happiness & need to grin innately will keep coming over you every time you rub your tummy & then later hold a little being in your arms.

Despite all the traumas I've been through having had what was most definitely not a normal pregnancy & then spending majority of DDs first 4 months in hospital or seeing medical people I am still utterly smitten. Had I been younger I'd have found things easier but probably wouldn't have had as much desire to keep fighting and sense of achievement. The few baby type places I've been admittedly I was older than majority but didn't feel especially aware of that. I'm little envious of some of the lifestyle some of the young mums I've met have & the excitement & interest their families show. But then maybe they might be jealous of fact my house is much bigger etc.

I'm sure DP will become more excited & involved once things start. And if he doesn't we will all be your voices of excitement instead xxx

Should you not make BFP then yes it will be the biggest knock you've had yet. But I think you'd still prefer to look back on that knowing you tried not that you just abandoned your dream. We will all be sending so much positive vibes hopefully this will be your time and BFN not going to feature.


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## deblovescats

Hi ladies
Sorry for not posting more but still not had chance to get laptop fixed! That's on the agenda this week.
Altai - thanks for good wishes. Congrats on your LO.
Lesley - I really feel for you, but give it a go girl. I'll echo the others - I've never regretted it - I'm now on no 2! I always thought I'd regret it if I didn't try. I know it can hit you when you get a BFN - but think positive thoughts. Glad you've fixed on CARE Sheffield - I know not everyone gets the positive, but they've worked for me two times in a row! Talking of things meant to be, my due date is 28th Oct and that's the anniversary of the transfer which led to little James! I'll catch up with you soon and you can get any wobbles out of the way. Sorry not sure about the coil - check with clinic - they're very helpful. I agree about people assuming we've waited for selfish reasons, but it's not so. I always hoped I'd meet a man to have a family with and wish I could have done it earlier, but it wasn't meant to be. I think if it works at our age, it's meant to be. I feel we have lots to offer our little ones - we're not as selfish, more likely to be better educated, in a job etc and we have more patience. I think everyone loses energy running around after toddlers anyway whatever your age. I was 47 when I had James, will be 49 when this LO arrives, but I don't regret it. Go for it!
fiffi - sorry you missed out on so much in the early days, but so glad DD is fine now. 
Jules - good luck with your next cycle - go for it girl! 
I think the support on here is immense - haven't looked on mumsnet and think I'll avoid it! 
AFM - all going well so far, now 10 + 3 - can't believe it. Had booking appt with midwife on Friday and she was delighted to see me back again - she was happy I'm pregnant again, which was encouraging. She's booking me for scan in a couple of weeks - can't wait. She's referring me for shared care with consultant due to my age and having asthma, but that's fine, it just means more monitoring and scans - but another chance to see LO. She said my previous pregnancy was uneventful and I see well so she's quite happy. I'm struggling to keep anything down now - so I've lost about half a stone in weight since getting pregnant! 
I'll post again when get online.
Deb
PS as you can all imagine, telling my sister did not go down well - she was very upset and angry - she's so resentful, bitter and jealous and we've had nothing but that since she found out. I'm trying to ignore it - my mother actually said something to her this time. She keeps commenting on my age - which I said I don't need her to tell me. She thinks it's not fair I'll have two and she doesn't have any. She thinks that I'm selfish for not agreeing to look after a potential child, and she now thinks that as I've had success twice in a row must mean that clinics are overestimating the negative results! I've got amazing support from friends/work colleagues - so I'm taking my joy from them. But at least she knows now! I'll keep you posted. I've had days of her outbursts so pretty sick of it!


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## LellyLupin

Well got most of my info together to send to CARE at Sheffield, just waiting for Chlamydia Test result, must admit I felt silly going for the test but CARE insist on it before they will treat.  I am really excited and totally terrified all at the same time. Scared it won't work and scared it will, scared I won't feel the same because it won't be my egg, scared I won't cope, scared it will split me and DP up, scared I will never be a mother, I am full of fears this time and don't know why.  I was explaining my treatment to a colleague at work today and just kept filling up with tears when I tried to speak about the possibility of never being a mother so I know I really do want this, so why the sudden doubt.  Get a grip Lesley!


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## fififi

Lesley - you've waited so long for this you're bound to be feeling scared. There's so much riding on what happens next but however things turn out you will find a way forward and a way that leads to happiness.

I know I'm now in a hugely privileged place so I won't pretend to fully understand but i do believe you are strong enough to do this and as I know myself miracles do happen. Think back to when this thread was started and although it was many years ago now none of us had much hope of achieving a baby. For the first couple of years we all met with failure & pain. Then bit by bit BFPs, pregnancies & real live babies began appearing. You have as much chance as anyone else - life has thrown so many hurdles in way of you being able to cycle that it's meant you've had to wait that much longer. But now you are close to that you need to start allowing yourself to believe it could be your time. Positivity & happiness will help xxxx


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## fififi

Debs - glad all continuing well & you've got same midwife. Hope you are able to distance yourself from your sister as it isn't fair how she is behaving and you certainly don't want to have your feelings turned into negative ones because of her. Make sure you remember that you & baby matter more than her and that how she is behaving is wrong not you xxx


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## LellyLupin

Thanks for the support Fifi I know I am just being silly.

One question I did want to ask, I suffer from migraines and wondered if anyone else on here does and if so and you got pregnant, did it make your migraines worse or better.  The internet says it can go either way xx


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## Coolish

Hey Lesley - I echo what fififi has said - plus that all those fears will probably still stay with you when you are pregnant and once you're a mummy too  BTW I suffer from migraines and didn't get any whilst pregnant - I did get a lot of headache though and blamed that on the hormones. After I'd had DD I did get a lot of migraines, including lots of silent migraines. My main triggers for migraines are tiredness and stress so I think it was just down to new mummy tiredness. DD is now 2 and a 1/4 and I can't remember the last time I had one?


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## LellyLupin

Thanks Jules its a big worry for me as I get severe migraines with Aura so I lose vision, speech and sometimes feeling in limbs.  My triggers are stress and tiredness too.  I am a bit worried that pregnancy hormones will set me off, but if you didn't get any while pregnant that comforts me a bit. Its just work I worry about because in my last job they made my life a misery over it and there was nothing I could do, but if I got them straight after birth at least I would be off work anyway xx


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## LellyLupin

Sometimes I hate being a stepmother and its not because of the kids.  I hate the lack of privacy, not being a couple and the lack of excitement/interest from DP in IVF because hes done it all before and doesn't want to do it again.  I sometimes wish I had walked away years ago.  I don't feel part of his other life and I feel he has no interest in creating a life and family with me. As you can probably tell I am not feeling very happy today.


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## fififi

Sorry you're feeling low. There's been many a time when I've wanted to visit & tell your DH to take a better look at the wonderful lady he has & to make effort to get behind your dreams & hopes. It must be really hard for you to get him to understand how you feel & that those feelings are not just going to disappear.

As for not being part of his other family you've often spoken with huge amount of care & love for your step kids. They are lucky to have you & I'm pretty sure they'd have huge hole in their lives were you to stop being part of it.


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## LellyLupin

Thanks Feefs you always say the right thing xx

DP has no idea how I feel because whenever I try to talk about IVF he either goes quiet or changes the subject.  If we see a pregnant woman he tries to steer me the other way and if any programmes about pregnancy or babies comes on the tv he turns it over.  He makes it very clear without saying a word how much he doesn't want to do it.  For instance he has just been given a bonus at work so I mentioned putting it towards IVF, hes already spending it on doing the house up,  so I guess I will be getting a bank loan and paying it all back myself.  I feel like having this baby (if I am lucky) and then leaving him and saying the baby is all mine as he didn't want it, contribute anything towards it apart from genes,  and therefore can do one!


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## LellyLupin

Big bust up with DP last night, I think I had finally come to the end of my tether with everything.  I broached the subject of a separation and told him what I needed from this relationship, as in my needs are not being met and he is making me feel guilty for wanting a family of my own.  He doesn't want to split and has promised to change.  Lets see if it lasts.


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## Irongirl

Hi Everyone 

I hope you don't mind me joining your group. Didn't know what else to do with myself . 

Had my first round of IVF had 3 x d3 put back. today was my OTD and it was  BFN. So now just waiting for nature to bring my cycle back. 

X


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## Coolish

Sorry to hear about your bfn, but wekcone to this thread.  There's a lovely bunch of knowledgeable and support ladies here xx


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## Irongirl

Hi Cooljules 

Thanks I'm kinda accepting the whole BFN now. So got my review on Wednesday.  Think it maybe egg donor route for us now.


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## Coolish

There's a lot of us on this thread who have gone down the DE  route and (eventually ) found success


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## LellyLupin

Welcome to the fold Iron girl xx


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## deblovescats

Welcome iron girl - the women on here and very strong and supportive - they all kept me going on my journey! DE take time to come to terms with, but you won't regret it if you do this - lots of us have gone this route - and in the end, have had success! Good luck. I have 21 month old DS as a result of DD (I'm single) and I'm currently 12 wk pregnant with no 2 - same batch of embryos, had FET.
Lesley - stick with it hun. Sorry you're having a bad time with DP - would love to shake him up! Will catch up with you next week and you can offload to your heart's content!
fiffi - hope you and the LO doing ok.
AFM - got my 12 week scan this afternoon so keeping everything crossed and now trying to drink loads of fluids! 
Deb


----------



## Irongirl

Morning Ladies

Debs congrats on pregnancy 

I have my review tomorrow at 4 so I will see what the consultants plans are for me. 

I'm ok with the DE situation. My neice wants to donate her eggs to me which I'm very grateful for. At least there will be a bit of a genetic link. Oh isn't as keen as me to use my neice . He wants us to try and use a donor with the same mix as me.(half black half white) my neice is full black so any child born with my neice eggs would be mixed race like me . I'm ok with that . But OH says he thinks we should have same mix as what it would be if we used my eggs. I do have grown up boys 29 and 22 one is blonde and one has an afro so you can't say how mixed kids are going to come out as I have said to OH . But I guess it comes down to how long you have to wait to be matched. 

Think I will be in a better position tomorrow when I have a bit more of a understanding to the whole DE process. Just happy that I still have a chance to possible give OH a child. X


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## LellyLupin

I'd rather have the genetic link than the exact mix match Irongirl, OH is not thinking about your feelings here, he will have his genetic link.  As you say there is no guarantee what the baby will look like, no one can be entirely sure what colour hair eyes etc their baby will have,  we are all such a mix of genetics. My sisters are fair skinned blonde whereas I am dark so I don't think it matters all that much.


----------



## Irongirl

Hi Lesley 

i think your totally right there. i didnt look at it like that. no matter what OH is getting his link. the fact of the matter is the possibility of us using OE is now gone so OH dreaming of the right mix if it was us doing it is not going to happen.

Also i was thinking i know my nieces temperament her history . i used to look after her and her twin 3 days a week when they where babies so i also know how she was as a baby a child and as an adult. She is such a gentle loving soul. 

loli have made an executive decision. Im using my Nieces eggs


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## LellyLupin

Good for you Irongirl and your Niece sound like a little sweetheart, hopefully she will babysit too!  You are very lucky me and my nieces are estranged otherwise I would have asked them so I could have a genetic link xx  Good luck to you keep us posted x


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## LellyLupin

Why is it that when I get prepared to start treatment the Skids start playing up, reinforcing DPs reason of why he doesn't want to be a parent all over again    I couldn't feel less supported and more guilty about tx than I do right now!


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## deblovescats

Lesley - stick to your guns hun! He owes you big time!!!
Hi to everyone else - hope you're all doing ok.
AFM - all going fine so far - had consultant appointment last week - heart beat heard - she said my womb was expanding nicely! I've got a regular bump now - mind you, started expanding around week 5!
Got midwife appointment Friday. Consultant was lovely - no issue with my age - I have to have fragmin(heparin) injections daily as a precaution to prevent DVT - as I scored 3 with risk factors - over 35, BMI slightly high, not excessive and IVF pregnancy. So I am now sticking a needle in myself every day! I asked about vaginal delivery as not keen on C-section with a toddler to run after, but my main concern is baby is ok. She said she would support what I wanted, and we will decide nearer the time, but will let me do that if everything ok.
Still having a difficult time with sis! 
Now 15 + 5! Can't believe it.
I've just had a phone call from an ex work colleague who's 48 - she was a single mum with a toddler at the time, who is now 11. She has since married and been trying for 2 years for a baby, was having a little boy but no heartbeat. She got in touch for a bit of support as she knew about me having James. She is under same consultant who has advised her to go for donor eggs and she's apprehensive about this. The consultant had said there is hope as she has a 49 year old lady on her caseload who's pregnant for 2nd time - obviously didn't give any details - I said 'well that's me!' so she asked me about egg donation. I'm arranging to meet up with her to chat about it all. I'll put her in touch with this supportive site!!!
Good luck ladies
Deb


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## fififi

Debs - really pleased pregnancy progressing well & you've a supportive consultant.
Sad your sis not able to be happy for you too but it's her loss not yours xx

Lesley - I agree with Debs that your OH needs to support you. All older kids cause parents/step parents stress from time to time so that shouldn't be a reason not to have them.
Sending you hugs & a virtual foot to give him a kick up the b** !!!


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## LellyLupin

HI Girls

Well its one step forward two steps back.  The doctor put me on Labetalol (Betablockers) for High Blood Pressure to prepare for my IVF Cycle as you can't take HBP tablets when pregnant.  Unfortunately the Labetalol is not controlling my HBP and its sky high,  so they have said they want to send me for some tests before I go for IVF, to see if I have any tumours on my kidneys or a hormone imbalance.  I swear the Gods are against me!  They have put my on a drug they know causes miscarriage to try and get my BP back under control until the tests.  Seriously this is getting beyond a joke.  I can see my baby dreams being just that, if my body won't react to Labetalol then how can I carry a baby safely.  Fed up.

Debs glad to hear everything is ok, I might have to be Auntie Lesley to your two the way things are going,  xx


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## fififi

Lesley - sorry to see you're having yet another set back. Hopefully all this now is the end of the bad luck & once over these hurdles the remainder of your journey will be smooth & hassle free. But I do agree you've been through more than enough now ... will be having strong words with Lady Luck on your behalf cos think she's more than outstayed her welcome.
You will get there cos we aren't letting you give up xxxx


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## deblovescats

Lesley hun - I really feel for you! I was so hoping you could move forward with the IVF. As feefs said, we're all rooting for you and are going to do everything to try and get Lady Luck to get her act together! As for the HBP - maybe it's also due to some of the stress you're going through. I've always had a fast pulse since being a child, and had investigations, nothing adverse found. Some years ago, my GP sent me to hospital for tests as it was fast - had every test going - including for checking for tumours on adrenal glands! Had me stressed out, and in the end, consultant said nothing wrong. GP concluded it was just the way my heart worked faster than it should. So I think they always test for worrying things, but very often, it's nothing worrying.
Try and do loads of relaxation when you can and just look at things like salt content in food which can increase BP.
You will get there! 
Deb


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## Coolish

Lesley - try not to worry too much. Hopefully the tests might help to highlight something or maybe the doc can try another med? I don't know a lot about high blood pressure, but I'd be doing a spot of research into what might lower it. Like Debs said, salt and stress will make it worse. 

It's just another hurdle that life if trying to throw at you. I'm sure you can continue with your planning for starting IVF while they are stabalising you blood pressure and sending you for tests?


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## LellyLupin

Hi Girls  -  quick update the doctor has now taken me off Labetalol as its not working and I am back on Candesartan which causes birth defects/miscarrages.  Does anyone know of any other drug that can be used to lower blood pressure that is safe to us in pregnancy?  My doctor said we have to get my BP under control and then ask the IVF doctors but I was just wondering if anyone else knew or also suffered from HBP?  I already tried all the self help stuff, I don't drink or smoke or use salt etc.  Been looking up adoption just in case.


----------



## Coolish

Hi Lesley - it might be worth posting for advice in the other threads. High blood pressure seems quite common in pregnancy so there must be meds that would be suitable?


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## deblovescats

jules - hope you're hanging in there - good luck with result!
Lesley - I really feel for you hun, don't give up yet! HBP can be common in pregnancy and women who have it before getting pregnant are sometimes advised to carry on with blood pressure medication as that would be safer than stopping. The clinic would be able to advise on this. There must be some safe meds.
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Some good news I have tested my BP all day and its mostly been under safe guidelines.  I have stayed on the safe BP medication and taken 5mg of the not safe and it seems to be working.  Feeling much more optimistic!


----------



## daisyg

Hi Ladies,
Just barging for Lesley Lupin. Found this on Dr. Google which may be interesting??

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/406535_6

Best,
D xxx

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


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## fififi

That sounds promising Lesley - am sure you'll find a way xxx


----------



## missycleo

Hi Ladies, I hope you don't mind me popping up to say hi on this thread, but I have been lurking and reading other threads, as I'm in a bit of a pickle as to which way to go. 
My last cycle was in November 2015 , privately funded OE IVF in Norway, which was a BFN. This followed 3 NHS cycles, which resulted in 2 early miscarriages and a BFN which was preceeded by a ectopic which lost me my left tube  
Anyway, looking forward ...   I am in need of some positivity and guidance on where to go now. I'm kind of stuck between going again all out, one last time for an OE cycle or going down the DE route. I have to be honest and say I don't think I'm ready to make the DE decision yet.
I'm 41 and don't want to give up on my OE yet! I have seriously low AMH, it was 1.8 in 2012, so I'm under no illusion that my chances are pretty slim  
Thanks


----------



## fififi

Hi missycleo & welcome x
Sorry you've found yourself here & looking at your profile that you've had a long & difficult journey already.
It's so hard to know where to head next & what of the options is going to be the one that actually leads to a take home baby. Have you a consultant you're happy with & feel is able to tweak cycles to maximise your chances?
From your profile I have to say I think you might be better considering DE a little further especially if you've had tests for immune/implantation issues. It's so hard to effectively write yourself off when you're getting BFPs but an important statistic my clinic gave me was that a BFP with OE over 40 has roughly 50% chance of getting baby whereas a BFP with DE is nearer to 90%. That combined with their BFP stats - 10-15% for OE over 38 / 50% for DE gave us lot to think about.
So yes another OE cycle could give you a BFP & that BFP might give you a baby (& there have been few ladies on here who've had success) but if money &/or emotional/physical strength is running low then DE gives you far higher chance.

Deciding what to do next is really tough but once you've made a choice you will hopefully feel a lot more positive again xx


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## kgemini

I also think you should consider DE xx


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## miamiamo

missycleo- I am sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I am by no means an expert but I would consider discussing with yr consultant/doc options as: ivf oe plus PGS (cause of mcs and yr age (sorry)) or ivf de. If you want to read more on pregancy loss, you can look at ht*p://pregnancyloss.info/ Cause ivf and de are expensive treatment, some ladies undergo treatment at overseas clinics (here is the international thread: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=261.0). You might be interested in prices, that you would find on fertilityclinicsabroad and egg donationfriends com. A friend of my friend, who is about to start her next cyclicng, picked two clinics that offer de and decided to check them out via eggdonation. She has been proposed a third one that offers the best treatment plan based on her medical history and financial resources.
I would encourage you to do as much research as possible in your decision making and finally do what you feel right to you. I wish you the very best on the next part of your fertility journey xxx

/links


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## missycleo

Thanks ladies, I feel like I have been lost in the IVF maze for such a long time, and running about like a headless chicken, it's nice to have some comforting words from people who really understand   
My heart obviously wants to try one more time with the OE route, but my head is in a constant battle reminding my heart of all the risks that come with it. And of course it works the other way with the DE idea  
At the moment, every free minute is taken up with researching so I am doing my best to make the 'right' decision, whatever that turns out to be!
Hopefully everything is going well for everyone else, sending lots of love all round xx


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## LellyLupin

Hi Missy if I was in your position (being in your very early forties), and had the money I would try one last OE IVf, however if I was struggling for funds I would go for DE.  Just what I would do in your situation.  Unfortunately for me I am at the far range of being in my forties so DE is the only way to go now (in my opinion).  Good luck chick xx


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## Coolish

Hi Missycleo - sorry that you find yourself on this thread.

Have you had any investigations to see why you've had the early miscarriages and BFNs? There's a really useful resource on here - Agate's FAQ - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=283000.0 - I used this and some of the other resources here after 4 failed DE cycles. Based on this I organised a bunch of tests and changed clinics. I finally was very very lucky and had my DD 

If you're not completely ready to give up on OE, then have you thought about a tandem cycle? Many clinics offer this now.


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## deblovescats

Hi missy
I concur with jules - before spending more money on tx, it would be worth having investigations to see if there's any reason for your miscarriages and BFNs.
I think you have to weigh up pros and cons for OE vs DE. As Lesley says, if you are early 40s might be worth trying again for peace of mind and closure, but depends on your finances. I was 45 when had my first attempt and went for DE as advised as chances of OE baby was 5% and finance was an issue. I wanted best chance of a take home baby. Even with DE, fresh attempt and then a FET failed. I changed clinics and went for DE again when I was 46, now have gorgeous little boy who's 2 next month (eek!) and then FET Feb with an embryo from same DE cycle, am now 19 w + 4 with no 2. Can't believe it! So I am quite relaxed about DE - I don't look at my little boy and think oh, you're DE, I just love him unconditionally and everyone I meet think he looks like me!
AFM  I have 20 week scan on Friday and consultant appointment so keeping everything crossed. Can't believe I'm half way! I've decided not to find out the sex so going for team cream! 
Deb


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## fififi

Wow Deb where has time gone?!!! Can't believe you're nearly 20 weeks. Will be thinking of you on Friday & hoping all going well & you have a fun scan. Staying team cream gives you even more to look forward to xx


Hello everyone else xxxx


AFM Baby dd growing nicely now & we're down to monthly health visitor checks which is much better. Been struggling with PND and finally relented & am taking medication which is making me feel much more how I should. So with both things on the up I'm finally getting chance to enjoy the wonderful blessing of a longed for baby.


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## deblovescats

Thanks feefs. Can't believe where the time has gone! 
Scan was fine - growth appropriate and all looked good. The only concern is my placenta is low lying again but may move up - I ended up have elective C-section with James, and was hoping for vaginal delivery for quicker recovery, but what will be, will be. My main concern is safety of the little one. Everyone at work is very excited - they're all convinced I'm having a girl! My mum thinks so too - she thinks her face is like a girl, but we'll see.
Going to have monthly scans from 28 weeks to check on growth and placenta. Am fine with this - get to see more views of LO! 
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Big   for Feefs, sorry you have been suffering with PND chick, no wonder with all you went through though.  Hope things continue to improve.

Hello to Deb glad everything is going well.

AFM still waiting results from kidney tests, three times I have taken the tests and been told the doctors want me to do them again grrr.  Hoping that nothing is wrong and I can start TX.  Blood pressure is now under control however 5mg of the medication I am on you can't take when pregnant so I don't know what to do about that.  Theres always something.  Birthday on Thursday  49 tick tock.  Wondering if I do get pregnant this year and have frozen eggs will the clinic in Sheffield let me use them as I will be over 50 by then.

Love to all.


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## LellyLupin

This day is going from bad to worse, had a huge row with DP over his reluctance to have IVF again.  He says he feels massive guilt over what he did but when I try to talk to him I can see him close down.  Hes worried we are too old, worried the pregnancy will kill me and he will be left holding a baby that's not 'ours', worried about what people will say, worried about not being able to cope as we are both tired now.  He says he feels guilt every single day but doesn't want a baby at this age.  I am in tears yet again, I know having a baby will cause such a ruction in our lives,  but what am I supposed to do?  I have tried giving up on the idea but I can't switch how I feel off.  So very sick of this merry-go-round of emotion and feeling bad for wanting what he denied me when I was younger.  Sick of throwing it in his face too, like he says he can't change what he did.  Not having a good day


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## fififi

Wish I was nearer to give u some real hugs.

So hard for you as it's not an easy journey whichever way you go. I feel you need to have this final cycle as to just walk away will mean you will always be wondering what if. Plus you will feel a huge amount of resentment to DP that will reappear constantly.
I do hope you find a way forward & your DP gets the courage up to support you with this. I guess part of his problem is fear & quite probably a sense of failure since he isn't able to give you a child naturally. For us chatting on here & researching like loons we could almost act as ivf consultants but majority of partners don't get chance to chat & undergo cycles not really sure what half stuff is for.

As for your fears of being too old I hope you will discover for yourself that actually that's not the case. I'm 7.5years older than with my first (& was already deemed older mum with her!!!) but if it hadn't been for the PND I'm coping far better with lack of sleep. In ideal world I'd have had babies in my mid thirties but that didn't work out but certainly don't feel I'm too old.

Must dash as need to get some sleep before munchkin wakes xxx


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## kgemini

sending you hugs lesleylupin, it is so hard when a partner refuses treatment. My ex did this to me but his reasons were he already had his own children, within a year of us separating he had a baby with his new partner 

I really do hope you can find a way to go forward xx


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## LellyLupin

Thanks Feefs and kgemini.  Its ironic really as I split up from my first boyfriend after 10 years because he wanted children,  and I didn't.  His new girlfriend was pregnant after 3 months.  Turns out I didn't want his children I actually did want children just not his.  My second boyfriend didn't want a baby but after we split up his new girlfriend was pregnant within 6 months.  Then I met DP who already had children and doesn't want more.  Can't help thinking my first boyfriend would be laughing up his sleeve if he knew my predicament now.  Karma I am sure its called.

On the tests front got a call from the doctors to say I needed to do the test again for the 4th time as the labs have messed up again.  Honestly I am sure life is trying to test my sanity at the moment.  I feel like I could explode xx


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## miamiamo

kgemini- yes, it is very hard when yr partner isn't interested in being cooperative. I experienced the worst nightmare of my life, when my DP felt overwhelmed and started to hesitate after the first visit to a fertility clinic.


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## fififi

Quick hello to you all.
Hope things going well for everyone - been very quiet on here.
All good my end - I'm off on holiday for 5 weeks on Sunday so really looking forward to that. This time last year I was 2 months into my bed rest so it's extra appreciated that I get to have fun this year & with a gorgeous baby girl to boot.
Will pop in once got wifi - huge hugs to you all xxxx


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## LellyLupin

Hello girls quick update - kidney tests fine, just thyroid tests to go and I can get cracking.  So excited, hope everyone is ok, nice to see Feefs and Debs on here xx


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## fififi

Great news Lesley - hope thyroid results good too. Am going to be very excited and on tenterhooks once you start cycle - hopefully with all our positive vibes we will be celebrating your even better news soon xxxx

Debs - how's things with you? Hope all still going well & you're getting excited about "d" day (delivery day)

AFM - enjoying change of scene & catching up with old friends. Back to wishing I'd never left and trying to work out how I could emigrate back. Jobs really hard to get otherwise I'd persuade DH & move back asap

Hi & hugs to everyone else - not sure who's around at minute but if any of the "old crowd" happen to pop by would be good to hear from you - cooljules, sushi, greyhoundgal, artistmum, salad, Ella Altai etc


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## Coolish

Good news Lesley - when will you start cycling?

fifififi - you're sounding really chilled 

I am still around but this thread has been fairly quiet lately. Nothing much happening at my end regarding cycling since our last BFN back in May. We can't decide what to do to be honest. It feels quite tough on our DD dragging her to clinics etc. Plus we're moving house in a couple of weeks time, so no time or money for IVF anyway  Still debating DD being an only child...


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## LellyLupin

Another quick update, went back to docs today,  they are not going to do the thyroid tests now, they think the BP is just how I am made,  however they are sending me to the stroke clinic because I have had so many migraines in the last 5 months (12), I usually get 5 a year, just for a check, that should happen in the next 3 days and then I can send my letter to the clinic in Sheffield and we are good to go.  Phew if I am not fit for ivf after all these tests I will scream!

Feefs where have you moved to?  

Jules do you still have frozen eggs?  what a decision to make, its one after the other isn't.  Either way has good parts if you do go for a sibling DD will be happy and if you  don't she will have all your attention and still be happy.  Hope the house move goes well xx


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## fififi

Cooljools - hope house move goes well. Hard to know what's best re sibling but I have to say I found the no second baby hardest to deal with when my DD was 2-4yrs old as that's when all people we'd met as "baby friends" were causally popping out second & third ones! It got little easier after that plus our DD was able to understand that we weren't able to just get a baby but needed doctors to help us.

Lesley - not moved as such but am spending the summer in Northern Spain where I used to live. Flat is rented for 5 weeks but wish could be longer. Routine & plans are no more - none of us getting to bed until 11pm & we get up around 9am then perhaps do bit of shopping, eat lunch then go to beach until 8pm ish. Being away from normal everyday stresses for so long is such a treat & definitely helping my happiness levels resume. Bit gutted I'm still on medication for PND & although I tried week on half dose still finding I need it to be "myself". Hopefully a few more weeks of sunshine, good food & friends around will help me get to position where don't need it so much.
Good news that the tests are almost at an end. Hope you get to go forwards soon now xxx


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## LellyLupin

Feefs don't rush the coming off anti-depressants, if your body needs them to get back on an even keel then there is no rush.  Sounds like you are having a lovely time so just relax and enjoy it xx


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## Coolish

Nope, no frosties. Our last cycle was a fresh and we had embryoscope too so they could see how the embies developed and we didn't have any good ones left over the freezing. We normally have at least 2. So if we go again it's full price plus 8 days there. No quick FET for us 

Fififi - I've been getting all the 'sibling popping' for over a year already. Believe it or not, my long awaited DD is 2 and 1/2 already. All my NCT friends have popped their second children and all my other friends have at least two, plus people just keep asking me when it's DD's turn for a brother or sister. I have to keep stopping myself from saying, "it took 8 years, £30k, 1 IUI, 5 IVFs, 2 hystos, hundreds of injections, 2 chemicals,  and 12 embies, just to get DD. They don't just pop out of me!". And relax....

PS, don't stop the meds too soon. Let you body take it's time to heal x

PPS Sorry for the rant - I'm not normally a ranter


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## LellyLupin

Jules you made me laugh, people do just think its so easy don't they.  I love hearing people saying casually that they are going to have their OH vasectomy reversed and have a child.  I think you have no idea just how complicated you might find that process, it may not just be as simple as you think.  At least you have 'proved' yourself by having a child, I just get written off as a dud by my friends/family now.  DPs mother said to me that my migraines may be caused by my coil (which they put in when I had cysts on my ovaries), 'you should have it taken out,  after all you are too old to fall pregnant now so it doesn't matter'.  Thanks for that reaffirmation of my barrenness


----------



## deblovescats

Hi to feefs, Lesley and jules - and anyone else reading...
Sorry for a long absence but I've finally got a new laptop - wehay! So I can now keep up to date with all you guys
Great news that you're good to go Lesley - I think sometimes the medics have to accept it's just how our bodies are - I've always had a fast heartbeat and despite numerous tests as a child and then much later as an adult, no concern or diagnosis - my GP just said it was how my body was, and I've found since I've been a mum, it's actually much calmer! 
It's a big decision jules - especially with the expenses - just enjoy Spain at the moment! I've been lucky in that I got 3 frosties, and the first one implanted! I've got 2 still in freezer! 
AFM - I'm scarily getting closer to D Day - now 29 + 1 so on countdown. Had my 28 week growth scan last week and they also checked placental position as I had placenta praevia last time, the good news is my placenta is 3 cm away from the os and they look for a minimum of 2, so all ok. The midwife said it may move up further. I have another growth scan on 9th September and on 2nd, I've got a proper placental localisation scan to check thoroughly. So this time, it looks as if I might have the option of a vaginal birth! It's a scary thought and I have to discuss with consultant, but it would mean a quicker recovery all being well and not being unable to lift DS! I would like the chance of 'pushing' LOL but obviously the important thing is the safety of the baby. James is now 2 and he's still gorgeous but starting his terrible twos at times if thwarted. I'm having to plan for James this time round. A couple of work colleagues/friends have offered to have James for as long as necessary when the time comes, as obviously my mum is too old to have him for an extended period of time, and sis might be away. (By the way still having issues with sis but that's another story!)
Otherwise, I'm feeling well in myself - blood pressure fine, glucose test was negative and blooming now. I find my most lovely time is when James is asleep and I'm in bed and can just focus on baby and I can feel him/her kicking. I am trying to spend time with my bump and feel I don't always give little one as much time as I should! I decided to stay team cream this time.
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Wow I can't believe you are on the countdown Debs its absolutely flown by.  I am sure you are having a little girl this time, it would be so nice for you to get one of each.  Great that you are so healthy and have not had any of the downsides of being an older mum pregnancy wise, you give hope to the rest of us.  Can't wait to meet the new baby.

AFM still waiting for my appointment at the Stroke Clinic for my brain scan, don't know what happened to the 3 day promise!  I have had 14 migraines in 5 months so something is going on although I think its the onset of menopause myself, I can't think of any other reason I would be getting so many.


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## fififi

Flying visit to see how Debs is getting on - any news!!!!

Also hope things on up with you Lesley xxxx


PS Would really love to try & meet up sometime with people to put face to name. If we thought about March/April/May time would anyone else be interested? And where in UK are you located so we can figure out most central place.
I'm in between Nottingham & Leicester (M1 jnt 23)


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## deblovescats

Hi feefs and Lesley
Great to see the news. Lesley- any news on your scan? 
feefs - thanks for the message. I would love to meet up with all you guys on here - I feel that you are all friends and we've all given each other support throughout our fertility journey! I live in Scarborough, about 45 miles from York - am happy to travel somewhere between us all. Would be great to meet up and for LOs to finally meet! I  Have you decided what you're going to do about another attempt?
AFM - all going well so far. I'm now 35+3 - can't believe it! Due date getting closer. Last growth scan was fine and placenta clear. I have appointment on 10th Oct for an examination to review mode of delivery and to assess chances of vaginal delivery after previous C-section. I'm hoping that I'll be able to have this this time, as I would like chance to experience labour (mad I know!) but at the end of the day, safety of precious LO is more important. The other issue is that recovery period would be a problem with an active 2 year old running around, and I won't be able to lift him! Or drive for 6 weeks. I have good friends who are all volunteering to help out but at the end of the day, I still have to manage him and a new baby on my own! 
My plan next year is to join a dating agency and see if I can meet someone who wants a ready made family! I did have a meeting at one in May and the owner was keen for me to join as she had quite a few men on her books who would like kids but hadn't been in a position to do this! So you never know! 
Will keep you all informed
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Hi Feefs/Debs

I am in Marske about an hour from Whitby.

Hope you are both doing ok, not long now Debs I just can't believe how fast your pregnancy has gone.  I do admire you going it alone and wonder how you manage to cope so well.  You must be superwoman.  I hope you find your Mr Right I am sure he is out there somewhere.

Feefs how is your LO doing.

Hi to everyone else who may still patrol this threas.

AFM still awaiting results of brain scan, I have just ran the neurologists office again but I am just getting an answerphone.  I am so annoyed I paid privately for the scan and appointment to speed things up and I have heard nothing.  He didn't seem at all interested when I went for the appointment just said there was nothing he could do and migraine was one of lifes mystery illnesses.  However I thought I would have heard about the scan by now.  I daren't send my letter off until I know for sure there is nothing wrong.


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## LellyLupin

Here we go, brain scan clear, coil coming out next Wednesday, awaiting appointment from Sheffield.  The journey begins..........


----------



## deblovescats

Good news indeed Lesley- everything crossed!
AFM - I'm fine - on countdown now - 3 weeks to go! Finished work last week, had a lunch with friends/colleagues who've bought some lovely gifts for me and can't wait to see baby! Got an appointment on Monday for examination to decide on mode of delivery. Friends are all lining up to offer help when baby born - to look after James, take him to nursery or bring in shopping - feel guilty asking them, but will have to do so. Mum has had a knee repolacement Sept - bad timing as I'm currently running around looking after her as well - though she tries to do what she can. Sis not a lot of help! Had a family funeral last week and sis and I went through to South  Yorkshire so friend picked James up from nursery and took him back to hers - he loved playing with her youngest who's nearly 5! She said she can have him overnight if necessary, so I'm going to sort child care out when I know what's going to happen.
Good luck with your appointment Lesley. 
Deb


----------



## fififi

Lesley - so pleased all looking good & you can now start tx. Will be willing you along and wishing with all my might xxx

Debs - soooo exciting. Do keep us posted. Glad friends & colleagues being supportive & able to help with James. Can't wait to learn who your new LO is!!!! Xxx


----------



## LellyLupin

Anyone still on here?  Its awfully quiet, could be because most of the ladies now have babies.  

Any news from Deb on the baby front?

Feefs hello xx

Jules are you out there?


AFM still waiting to hear from Care at Sheffield.  Had my Mirena coil taken out yesterday so waiting for the flood and for my hormones to get back to normal.

Just found out my step daughter has a boyfriend, am I being very old fashioned thinking that at 14 she is too young?  I wasn't allowed a boyfriend till I was 16 but I was brought up too strictly some say 

xx


----------



## fififi

I'm here - checking in regular.y to see if any news on Debs

Hope you can progress soon. And more importantly that the saying "good things come to those who wait" is especially true for you xxx

All good here. My "baby" turned one 2 weeks ago & seems so big already. She's doing brilliantly health wise now & although we still see paediatrician her visits are now down to 4 monthly. Am still amazed I actually have her & even now a year on can spend ages just looking at her and being filled with happiness.
Just shame it was so bl**dy hard to get here as would have loved another but unless manage to get a baby appear in biblical fashion that's my teeny tiny days ended. Being blessed with two miracles is more than I ever dreamed so certainly not complaining.


Boyfriend at 14 is not so odd but sadly how "children" act with a boyfriend now is far more advanced than even 5/10 years ago, it's hard for parents/step parents to get balance right when discussing the relationship as if come across too strict then there's more likely hood of rebellion & your step daughter trying things out simply bcos she has been told not to. I'm not looking forward to that stage of being a parent at all,


Hi & hugs to anyone else still reading. Hope all going well xx


----------



## deblovescats

Hi feefs and Lesley - just checking in! Hope you and everyone else are doing ok. Lesley - hope you can start tx soon! Feefs - can't believe LO is one! Where does the time go? 
AFM  - I'm doing fine touch wood. Just had an upset toddler to pacify - James went for a hair trim, not impressed! So had a mini meltdown. When we got back home, he wanted cuddles and he's now asleep. He was over tired as had a mini baby shower yesterday and one friend had to bring her 3 kids with her - 11, 9 and the afterthought (mistake with stray coil!) is just 5. James loves to play with them but it tired him out (and me!) 
Had my appointment Monday, with vaginal exam - doctor was lovely. She's happy to let me try for vaginal delivery - but they don't want me to go till due date due to C-section and being an older mum. So I'm booked in for a pre op assessment on Friday for if I have to have C-section. At same time, I am to have stretch and sweep to see if this triggers labour. If not, I'm to go in on Monday 24th to have waters broken and hopefully trigger labour. They'll keep me in for a few hours to see if anything happens, and if not, I might have to have C-section. With having had one before they don't want to induce me with a drip as this can cause stronger contractions which can put pressure on scar. If I can have vaginal delivery it should be a quicker recovery for running after a lively toddler! So fingers crossed. So about a week or so to go ladies! Sis has said she'll come to hospital with me - but she's reluctant if I go into labour. I've been absolutely run off my feet as mum has had knee replacement and not very mobile yet. One of my friends/work colleagues (the one with 3 kids) is going to pick James up from nursery for me if labour kicks off and will take him home with her and to stay overnight. I'm worrying how James will cope but he's always with me, so I hope he's ok! 
Sis and I met a friend in York on Tuesday - had a gentle stroll round (I'm too big now to go for long walks) and went to a gorgeous afternoon tea at the Station Hotel! Rest of week has been difficult with sis having meltdowns every time I've seen her - about the same old topic  - babies and how I won't help her! 
I know how feefs feels about the newborn days being in the past. I would love another child but obviously it's difficult on my own and I'm grateful for the two I'll have soon! However, never say never. I have two frosties in storage and have recently paid to have them stored for a further two years. Couldn't give up on them and have them perish. In an ideal world, I'd meet a gorgeous guy and he'd want to experience pregnancy with me!!! LOL I'll review the situation with them next year.
Deb


----------



## LellyLupin

Wow one already Feefs, so glad you can enjoy her now after all the scares and worry you went though.  Thanks for the advice on the step daughter I guess its not so strange I just still see her as a little girl and I guess shes grown up now.  I hope she doesn't do anything silly for a while yet but as you say they are so advanced these days xx

Debs I can't believe how fast your pregnancy has gone, it seems to have whizzed by.  So 24th is the big day, so hope you get a little girl.  It sounds like you life has been a whirlwind lately you must be exhausted.  So sorry the sister has been kicking off again, does she never take stock and consider what everyone else has on their plate instead of feeling sorry for herself.  If she desperately wanted a baby she would make it happen or at least start trying and meet the lord halfway.  Surely her job has some maternity benefits and she could work something out when she went back to work.  I can't believe you are already thinking about number 3 Deb that made me smile.  What is the age limit Care treat to?  I was wondering this because if I am lucky enough fall and then want a second with any frosties  I was wondering how long I would have to do it by.

xx


----------



## miamiamo

Hi, I came across this info and thought I would share it with you - http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3840218/An-end-ultra-expensive-rounds-IVF-treatment-Doctors-develop-new-way-producing-higher-quality-eggs-knocks-quarter-cost.html

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


----------



## thello

Hello Everyone

Please help me feel so lost as to what to do next.  As you can see from my profile I've just had a missed miscarriage.  It was the furthest I had got and everything looked good but there was no foetel pole/hb.  I have 3 frozen embryos left (day 6).  My DH does not want to try again and wants to go down the adoption route but I feel we need to continue to try. I don't know if it is immunes, chromosome or just a numbers game.  I feel I need answers and thinking of getting a 2nd opinion but don't know who to go with Dr *******, Dr Gorgy, IB Alicante or the Alan Beer center. ..then there's also Serum. It's just so confusing   I've persuaded DH to do Karaotype test and Sperm DNA fragmentation, he's also coming round to the 2nd opinion aswell.  
Any advice would be appreciated.x


----------



## LellyLupin

Sorry Thello I don't have any experience of any of those places.  I hear very good things about Serum though and I know they offer a battery of tests.  It would do no harm to find out if there is anything amiss.  Have you tried asking on the wider forum as there are less people on here now as so many got their dream in the end, its worth asking there too.  Good luck  

Thanks Miamiamo xx

Debs can I ask after you had filled in all your paperwork and sent it  to Care at Sheffield, how long did it take for them to get in touch?  I haven't heard anything although it is less than a week since I sent my paperwork off, I am get impatient.  Hope you are doing ok, not long now xx


----------



## thello

Thanks for responding Miamiamo x


----------



## deblovescats

Hi everyone
Lesley - can't remember exactly but I think it was probably a couple of weeks or so. It might be worth just giving them a call if you don't hear anything soon. I know how it feels when you want to get started! I'm doing ok - 38 + 4 wks - feeling very big and tired as I've got so much to sort out. I'm just worrying about how James will do when I go into hospital but I know he'll be well looked after. I hope he forgives me for leaving him! On the countdown now - got my appointment for pre assessment and stretch and sweep on Friday. I had a bit of a mini meltdown yesterday! I felt over whelmed - car was booked in for service and MOT so without car, so had to take James to nursery by taxi! Then sis rang - she's trying to get off a trip on Monday as she wants to be around for me and James - but BA are being very bureaucratic and although she's asked to take unpaid leave, she has to send a letter from the hospital stating that I'm going to be in hospital on 24th for the birth! So I was chasing this up at the hospital and they now want it sending by I phone! Got other stuff to do this week instead of being able to rest in readiness for the birth. I'm hoping that the induction goes ok as it'll be problematic managing James if I have to have C-section. I think the problem is that if you're an older mum, I think hospitals are playing safe and I know that it's important to play safe with the baby, but they don't want to wait till your due date, as there can be problems with the placenta failing if you go overdue. My concern is that if baby is not ready to come at 39 weeks (would normally have another week till term) the induction won't work and it will then mean a C-section. Ordinarily you'd be allowed at least another week. I'm hoping baby has moved down and engaged so it might work. I know baby is head down so that's good. Sorry for the moan - my main concern is obviously that baby is ok.
Thello - so sorry to hear about your missed miscarriage. I would really try again with your frozen embryos but maybe as the others have said, check out if there is anything stopping you carrying to term. Just to give you some hope - lots of us on here have had repeated failures, but have gone on to get pregnant. I had 2 attempts with DD at LWC - one fresh, one frozen - both BFNs. I changed clinic and went to CARE Sheffield and went for DD - had fresh cycle and was lucky to get pregnant, now have gorgeous 2 year old son. I had 3 frozen embryos from that cycle - am now 38 weeks pregnant. Still have 2 embryos frozen. I didn't actually have any other tests - CARE said if 1st attempt with them didn't work, they would look at reasons. I think they will do investigations if it doesn't work. Good luck
Deb


----------



## Coolish

Hey Lesley, I'm still here in the background, checking in from time to time with everyone. We moved house a couple of months ago and things have been a tiny bit horrendous! I've been struggling to find time to post much other than mod stuff. Sounds like things are progressing, albeit a little slowly. I'd get chasing 

Debs - I planned a c-section because they wanted to induce me at 38 weeks (age and GD). For me, I'd heard from my sister and friends how many had ended up in a c-section anyway. I know it's not the same for everyone, but I was worried about the effects of GD on DD too. As it turned out DD didn't want to drop into position either 

Fififi - a year old already - wow!

DD will be 3 soon. I do not know where that time went She's starting to physically catch up with other 3 year olds after her gross motor delay. I've been taking her to a toddler gym and she's getting braver all the time. The paediatrician has signed her off now, but now we have moved to Wales I have to get another referral for her physio. She's as sharp as they come and never shuts up. Recently, her favourite word is 'why'.

Hugs to everyone still reading x


----------



## LellyLupin

Eek got my appointment at Care Sheffield.  OMG am I ready for this,  I have waited so long and now I have the wobbles.  DP has already gone really quiet so here we go again with the guilt.

Debs due date today so I hope everything has gone well   

Hi Jules  wow I can't believe your little girl is 3 already that's flown past. xx  I am hoping Debs gets a little girl this time.

Hi Feefs hope you are ok xx


----------



## artist_mum

Hi

Just wanted to wish Lesley all the best with your appointment! Great that it's happening for you, 

Also hope all well with Debs and number 2 coming anytime?!

Jules thanks for your post in the over 50s, I'm still waiting here. It's torture  

Also wanted to mention to Thello that on my last cycle we were going to use frozen sperm from our last cycle with Eugin (Barcelona) but at the last minute I decided to pay for defrag tests on one of the two straws of sperm we had there.  This was the sperm we used twice in 2012. The defrag came back as definitely NOT good and yet we had done 2 cycles with it! So obviously we haven't used it this time and we retested DP sperm and now it's fine.  So at a minimum I would run the defrag test (it was about £200 and we found a place in London to organise it ourselves. they sent it to Belfast - a company called Spermcomet which is worth a Google).  Good luck!

Hi to fifi and any others who know me on here

Artist xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Artist!  So nice to hear from you I have been reading your posts on over 50s.  So glad you are still cycling, I so hope you get your dream.  What a relief you did the defrag test,  hopefully this time  .  Got my appointment on 24th November, so nervous and so excited.   

Much love to Debs xx

Hi to Feefs and Jules and anyone else who is reading xx


----------



## artist_mum

Hey Lesley - not long to wait! you've been so sensible waiting for your time to come, and i really hope they will get you sorted.  Yes, it is weird to find out now that the sperm used in those first 2 cycles was likely to lead to m/c as that is exactly what happened with the second cycle.  Although to be fair, the sperm we used after that was deemed to be OK and when we re-tested his 'now' sperm, it was also OK.  At that time he was in court over 9 months with his ex wife and stressed out, and so those sperm were affected I guess. All good now. Just waiting to test  
Take care and best of luck xxx


----------



## artist_mum

by the way, i liked this site: motheringinthemiddle.com - reflecting on the choice to be a mother in the middle of your life (whether through adoption, ivf, surrogate etc) and it is very 'now' to do this!

A bit of inspiration for all over 40s (and over 50s too)

xx

This post contains an unconfirmed link/information and readers are reminded that FertilityFriends.co.uk or its owners are not responsible for the content of external internet sites


----------



## fififi

Quick post to say good luck & hello to Artistmum - really hope that this is your time xxxx

Lesley - exciting times ... having waited so long bound to feel bit unsure/nervous now. DP was never going to get excited sadly & think he's probably worried that you'll get hurt so not wanting to chance that xxx

Debs - hope all ok & you're full of smiles xxx


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## deblovescats

Hi to feefs, jules and Lesley - also to artist - remember you from the posts!
Good luck with your appointment Lesley - I know how you feel - you can't wait to get started then it's scary! 
AFM - been too busy to post before but here's my upate! 
I feel so lucky. I want to announce the arrival of Lydia Grace on 24th October at 10.32 am by elective C-section. I had pre assessment on 21st and they tried to do stretch and sweep but baby not ready, head not engaged, so booked me for c section. I was disappointed as recovery a lot longer but main thing is my LO is fine! I'm fine as well, just sore. Lydia was 8 lb 15 oz so they had her blood sugars checked, but fine. She is absolutely gorgeous and so treasured, and already has a bursting at the seams wardrobe - everyone can't wait to buy pink! Lesley was predicting a girl all along! James not interested in baby - prefers his trains! I'm so happy to have a little girl but obviousy wouldn't have minded what I had! I'm hoping that we can meet up at some point next year! I've now got friends on rota to take James to nursery! Everyone is so excited. So, girls - anyone still waiting for their little one, it can work! Even with us older mums! Artist - good luck! 
Deb


----------



## artist_mum

hi 

congrats to Deb, sounds like a very healthy weight for your little girl!  Hope your recovery is shorter than you're expecting and you'll be running after them both soon  

Just wanted to let you guys know I got a bfp and I'm just getting a second beta hcg tomorrow after the last one which was 1011 on Thursday.  Excited and nervous of course.  Thanks for all your well wishes on here.  Fifi i remember well when you were having your ET ready for your little girl to come.. and Jules with yours all that time ago, also can't believe that is 3 years...  And of course Kirsty.. not sure if she's on here at all these days?

Lesley, all the best for the upcoming appointment. Stay strong.

Good luck to all those on here still going forwards with their journey, as we all are.

xx


----------



## fififi

Wonderful news Debs - congralations - am so so pleased for you xxxxx

Artist - congratulations to you too. You're in my thoughts and I will be willing continued happy news for you xxx


Will post properly soon x


----------



## Altai

Great new Deb. Congratulations, am so happy for you. Gosh admire your determination. Am debating on a second child too.
Hope you will recover soon. 

Artist - Fx  for rising betas.


----------



## LellyLupin

Whoo Hoo Artist way to go!  Hoping this little one gives you your dream, keep us posted. 

Debs,        congratulations on baby Lydia.  Seems like five minutes ago James was born and now you are a mother of two!  Where does the time go?  Hope you are doing ok yourself and at least getting some rest and hope your sister is helping and not hindering.  Will have to meet up so I can see the baby and James and you of course.  

Hi Feefs hope you are ok,  hi to Altai let us know if you are going to take the plunge again,, Hi to Jules xx 

AFM  waiting , waiting, waiting.  Wish it would hurry up before life throws me another curve ball.


----------



## LellyLupin

Meant to ask what is a stretch and sweep and how do you go about measuring hgc levels, does the hospital do it or do you get a test from the chemist?


----------



## Coolish

Congratulations Debs xx

Artist - Fabulous news - so happy for you! Those are fab beta levels too. xx

lesley - it's a blood test at the docs or clinic. Stretch and sweep is something the midwife does to try and move baby along... not had it but it never sounds too pleasant to me


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## artist_mum

thanks so much to everyone who's posted, i really appreciate it - finally got results from the second beta (2 days later) which was 2365 so that's a relief. Got a ways to go yet..

Debs - hope you're settling with Lydia or rather she's settling with you! And that James is taking it in his stride.

Lesley - i'm not going to be posting too often on here but i *will* be thinking of you.    I'll pop back and check how you're going.

Love to everyone

xx


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## LellyLupin

Fab news Artist


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## Altai

Great news artist. 

Lesley - hope appointment went well. 

Love to all


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## deblovescats

Great news artist - hope it all progresses well.
Lesley - I have never had hcg levels tested, the clinic just gave a pregnancy test, I also became a bit of a serial tester! Just a case of 'pee on a stick'! The stretch and sweep is when midwife does vaginal exam and if possible, they try and insert finger in cervix and stretch - unfortunately in my case, Lydia wasn't ready and cervix closed. She wasn't due till the following week.
AFM - I'm really happy - James is beginning to show a bit of an interest in Lydia. She is an easy baby as well - completely different to her brother, who struggled with feeding and had colic for months. She feeds well and then settles. She is so gorgeous - looking forward to introducing her to Lesley! 
Good luck Lesley.
Thanks to all you guys.
By the way, sis is a nightmare - jealousy has reared it's head again. She is so bitter and I feel angry that yet again she is spoiling my joy in the pregnancy and birth!  Decided I need to not see less of her so I can enjoy being a family with James and Lydia.
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Ouch sounds painful Deb.  Give Sis a wide berth and enjoy your little family, you earned it and no one has the right to spoil it for you.  Glad you are so happy xx


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## fififi

Altai - congrats again ... really hope all continues well for you

Debs - ignore sis as like Lesley says you deserve this happiness and it's sad that she might spoil it for you. She's not going to change but at hopefully you will be feeling so happy with Lydia & James her rankings will bother you less xxx
Ps if you can I'd love to see a photo of your two ... Can you PM me one? Hopefully I can get to meet up with people too - lets aim for Autumn 2017


----------



## deblovescats

Thanks jules, Lesley, altai, artist and fiffi
I feel so blessed to have my little family - was so pleased Lydia was a little girl, but would have been happy with whichever sex! She is so adorable and such a contented baby - James was much more unsettled, colicky and struggled more with breast feeding. Lydia knows what to do, rarely cries and settles well afterwards, so I hope she keeps it up. 
Have been to toddler group this morning so Lydia has been cooed over. As I'm not able to drive at moment, have friend over to help with James and she came to group with me.
Just had phone call from patient transport (mum was having eye appointment) and she's had a fall so taking her to A&E so friend will go and pick her up later! It never rains but it pours! 
I agree about sis - I just have to let it go and move on, and if she doesn't want to be part of my life, that's her decision. She's found it very difficult since Lydia born, but that's not my fault. We had a massive row the other day, and I can't keep this up - I was very emotional any way from hormones and she couldn't understand why I was upset! It all stemmed from James not having had his hair washed for a few days as he had a tantrum about it!!! I said nothing to do with her and that was it .... all hell broke loose .... Family eh? 
I will download photos and make sure you guys get to see Lydia! 
I would love to meet up with you all - and will ear mark next autumn! That's a date...
Deb


----------



## LellyLupin

Its time you sister grew up Debs, its like she cant see anyone elses point of view but her own.  

AFM had a minutes chat about my appointment with DP  , the most he has ever spoken about it.  We were watching Long Lost Family and I brought up how upset I would be if my (fictional) DE child went looking for its biological mother and rejected me.  That let to a conversation about whether to tell the child or not.  I have a lot of fear about telling the (fictional) child and then a lot of guilt about not telling as the flip side.  Did everyone else go through this angst before they went ahead?  Have you decided what you are going to do?  I also felt a bit of resentment that DP would again be getting a child that was biologically his and again I would be getting a child that wasn't genetically mine.  I hate having these feelings but I know it all has to be considered and faced.  I so want a child, I am frightened of the choice I will have to make later on.  I am also frightened it will look so much not like me that my family will guess and it will be rejected by them.  Think I am having a mini stress breakdown


----------



## fififi

Lesley - prior to a DE cycle at a uk clinic they generally insist on you attending a counselling session to discuss those feelings and give you chance to say & share your thoughts. At the start of process once the initial 'yeah we're on our way' excitement has gone it's totally normal to then have 101 worries/doubts running round your head. Have a look on the DE board on FF to see just how many threads there are & hopefully the replies there will help reassure you.

I swung from telling/not telling and even now still not 100% sure doing the right thing but I guess that's the case whichever you decide.
For us no-one except 'friends' on here know full background. Having had our older daughter via fertility treatment it's been easier as in everyone knows we've been having IVF for long time.
From the day of EC I felt like this was my cycle & totally forgot there was any change. When worrying about looks someone on here told me that "people look for what they want to see" and that is so true. In fact even I've started trying to see if DD looks like me!!! Physically your child is unlikely to be a mini you however as they grow their mannerisms & personality may well be and this will be far stronger link than anything else.
As for not genetically yours that's not fully true either. Epicenetics has role to play and fact your body will grow & nurture any potential baby gives a pretty impressive link to me!!!

Hugs hugs hugs xxxxx


----------



## deblovescats

lesley - it's perfectly natural to have doubts about DE and as fiffi says, you can discuss all this in counselling session. When I was pregnant the first time, it did cross my mind  - I worried what the baby would look like, how I'd feel, but as pregnancy progressed I just focussed on baby and pregnancy. When James was born, I had a few moments of what would he look like, but then I just loved him. As fiffi says, we nurture that little one, and our blood runs through them .... They are raised by us and our values are given to them, the main thing is that they are loved by us and they return that love. When having gone through tx, we are more focused on our babies and value them as it has been a difficult journey to get there. I'm sure epigenetics plays a part. I also have to consider that as I am single, I don't even have a link to a partner, but I try to see that as a positive, I can give them what they need. I have wondered how I'd feel if they wanted to look for genetic parent but try not to think about that. With adoptive children, they have a curiosity but often it is soon forgotten as they don't get a fairy tale ending with that parent. I consider that, although grateful to have a chance of a baby, I'm the 'real' parent, the one who's there for them, when they want a cuddle and to make everything alright. Second time around, I haven't even thought of genetic link, I just wanted to try and give James a sibling, and I just adore Lydia. I think that I thought well she might look like James and that's fine .... It's surprising how many people think he looks just like me! As fiffi says, people see what they want to see .... At the end of the day, I know plenty of genetic children who don't look like their parents anyway ... You'll love that baby regardless! All I see is how beautiful Lydia is and how loved she is! 
You do sometimes think about it as when being checked over in hospital, they ask about any genetic problems, but that's soon over. I also have to face having a blank on birth certificates but after that, I just focus on the children. I just really wanted a baby and now have 2 beautiful ones ... That's all that really matters.
As for telling/not telling, I'm not 100 %. I'm considering strongly telling but not definite yet. I suppose I just put it off.
As for latest, nightmare - mum's had a fall and broken her wrist so I'm now in carer mode as well as new mum recovering from c section, having to try and sort out someone who can lift James for me ... It's times like these that I wish I had a partner!!! 
Deb


----------



## Coolish

I think most people swing backwards and forwards between telling and not telling. It can also depend on your circumstances - and they can change too and affect how you feel about this. There's no right or wrong answer. I personally hate the label of 'DE child'. Children arrive with their parents via lots of different routes. DD is just quite simply, my little girl.


----------



## LellyLupin

Thanks girls I think watching Long Lost Families got to me as one was a foundling and looking for her biological mother,  and I felt so sorry for her adoptive mother and wondered how she felt about it, which set me off.  I know I will love the baby whatever, I think I am worried about questions from other people due to me being 50 by the time its here if I am lucky enough to fall pregnant.  Someone is bound to ask.  I have also got the added worry of MIL, of you remember when she found out I had had IVF and not told her she stopped speaking to me for months and said I had broken her heart.  She made my BFN a 100 times worse.  She will probably say something really negative and I will flip.  At least the baby will have her genes so there will be no problem there.  

Debs hope you are managing to cope with your Mum James and Lydia, is sister on the scene?  Wish I lived closer I could have helped out.  I did think James looks like you I wonder what Lydia will look like.  I think I will be tempted to not say anything to my child but then I would be worried about all these genetics kits you can get, its bound to come out at some point.  Think I will just shelve worrying about it and see if I fall first.  

AFM DP has gone to Texas with work so I was hoping to be left alone with my thoughts, however MIL is on her way here to spend a couple of days with me in case I get lonely.  Oh well


----------



## Coolish

Most people have absolutely no idea about DE so wouldn't even think to ask. I was 49 when i had DD and no one has ever asked me. Even if they do, you still have at least a couple of optioms - simpley tell them you used DE or say they are embies or eggs from a previouse IVF cycle a few years ago. Whatever you feel comfortable with. Actually there is a 3rd option - tell them it's  none of their business


----------



## deblovescats

Lesley - I agree with jules! it's nothing to do with anyone else! No one has even questioned whether the children are from DE or OE - everyone has assumed it was OE - some think they are from a cycle I had when I was younger and some haven't even mentioned it. I was 47 when I had James and 49 when I had Lydia and no one has ever said anything about it. I've only told medical professionals due to having screening etc.
I am going to put off decision for the moment - will think about it later, just enjoying having lovely family!
Sis is around sometimes - but not a great deal of help anyway! 
Mum is ok - but just restricted in what she can do. 
Oh the joys of being in the middle - with a young family and an elderly relative! 
Just wanting to enjoy time with children but hopefully things will settle down.
Deb


----------



## LellyLupin

Jules I like option 3


----------



## LellyLupin

Does anyone know if not seeing the counsellor holds up your treatment?  Do you have to se the counsellor first to get treated?  I have an appointment on 24yh Nov but they have just emailed to say I can't see the counsellor on the same day.  Just don't want anything to hold up getting on with things I have waited too long!!!!


----------



## fififi

We saw consultant first. At my clinic they won't match you with donor until you are 'ready' to start tx and being ready included having all your bloods upto date, a protocol and having had a counselling session. 

PS if using DPs sperm he will need to attend the counselling session too.
It's not really counselling as I'd imagined more someone going through possible issues related to using a donor to ensure you have both had chance to hear what each other thinks.


----------



## LellyLupin

I am really annoyed Feefs,  we had it all booked on the one day, I don't want to add to DPs reluctance by having to drag him there lots of times.  I know exactly what he thinks, I am worried he will say something negative to the counsellor and they won't treat us.  If he does I will be furious.


----------



## deblovescats

Lesley - I know how frustrating it is and when you are travelling to clinic you want to get it all in in one day. The counsellor at CARE does telephone counselling (I know as I went to see her re: issues with dear sis!) See whether this would be a possibility! I think all clinics insist on you have 'counselling session' before being able to start tx so that they know you are ok with DE or DS. As feefs says, it's not like you think of as a counselling session. It was more a discussion about issues arising from DE or DS and how you feel about it, also giving options about telling/not telling. It wasn't challenging - the counsellor is very nice! 
Deb


----------



## fififi

Lesley - my DH & I were not totally in agreement but that wasn't an issue as counsellor's role was to ensure we had opportunity to discuss things not make joint decisions at that point.


----------



## LellyLupin

I just want to get on with it Feefs and Debs I feel like I have waited for ever and a day, I am scared the Greek Gods will throw me another obstacle before I can get PUPO.  What with illness, redundancy etc its just a matter of time.


----------



## Coolish

Think positive thoughts...


----------



## LellyLupin

Its just fear Jules


----------



## deblovescats

Lesley - just grit your teeth and go for it! I know how you feel - you've had a tough ride, but hopefully you're through the worst. I could sometimes have given up as I was daunted about doing it on my own, but I've got there .... and I've been amazed how supportive my friends at work have been! We'll meet up soon and you can be introduced to my little Ice Princess Lydia! Give you a bit of moral support!
Deb


----------



## Salad4

Hi Lesley


I know it is tough.  I've been going through DE too.  It took us ages to get a match (about 10 months) and we rejected three before finally accepting the third, because my other half wanted a mental and physical match.  So we were looking for someone who had a reasonable match to me physically and qualifications/a more senior job.  Then when we got the match, he had a huge wobble and we are in counselling whilst going through the treatment.  So you are not alone.  I don't know if I can give you any good advice.  Maybe taking it one step at a time and knowing that there are people on FF who will give you support and have been through similar "challenges" to you.  You just have to keep going until it doesn't feel right I think.


Sorry I've been a bit quiet - I've been lurking and lapping up the good news (Fififi, Artist Mum, congratulations).  As you can see, we are going through treatments and I'm waiting for the test to see whether it is good news, or more of the same.  Mind you, I say good news, but given my partner's current turmoil, it will be a bit mixed until (if) he settles down.  He feels too old and is struggling to feel positive about the prospect of having a baby.


Salad


----------



## fififi

Salad - do hope it's BFP this time.
The scary part with any donor cycle is the extra element of uncertainty that you get all worried about cos it's not something you can control. In reality it's a teeny worry compared with the massive increase in probability you will get a baby in 8 months time compared to the MC risks of using "older" embryos.
It's another step on the horrid path that is infertility but although you start off bit more nervous as time goes on you truly forget & end up focusing on the joy this new path brings.


Lesley - those gods have to be exhausted by now. Expect the good ones to take over now xxx


----------



## Altai

Hi all,
Have been lurking here for time to time. 

Salad- fx  its good news this time.

Lesley - like everybody said just go for it. There is never good time to have a baby as I've learned, there is always something  comes up redundancy, illness etc. I was made redundant while ttc and am single but still decided to go for it no matter what. As was running out of time at my age with oe. 
Maybe counciling  could help ?

Deb - how are you? I I admire your strength. am still debating on whether to have a second baby. Not sure how will I cope with 2 kids on my own Bringing up even one child on your own is tough enough. 
But want a sibling for my daughter. 
Did I mention I already got 2 de embryos or DD to be precise.  Now thinking I was  probably running ahead of a train. I'd have to have ET  next year, so if all works I'd be 47/48 when a second baby'  born.


Hi to cool and feefs and everybody who' reading this
A.


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## fififi

Debs - just seen msg for you on main forum
Bissal trying to get in touch but your inbox is full!!!!


----------



## LellyLupin

Sally!  So nice to hear from you    How did you get a close match?  I would really like a close physical/mental match to me if I can and would like to chose on more than just hair/eye colour but I thought most clinics won't do that?  My DP is going through turmoil too and to be honest he is bringing me down, he is really miserable and doesn't want a baby, I am really miserable because I just want some support for a change and my feelings to be taken into consideration.  His son has just passed out of the Navy and all exciting things are going on which I am not part of, he has just spent the weekend down at Plymouth with his ex-wife and in laws and now he is home he is miserable.  Says he feels like he should have done more for the kids hes already got.  Seeing as though his kids and exwife have always come first and my feelings seem to have always come last this is not something I want to hear.  I feel like there is a huge chasm between us at the moment and throwing a baby into the mix won't help, but I have waited so long and am running out of time so what else can I do.  I just want a family is that so wrong, I deserve a family.  I honestly wish me and DP had never got together I am pretty sure my life would have been a whole lot happier without him.  Gosh that's sounds awful but its how I feel at the moment.  Our appointment is this coming Thursday and if he ruins things for me it will be the end for us and I mean that sincerely.  I am so glad I have you girls without you I think I would have gone crazy by now, you have no idea what a boost you all are to me struggling on on my own.  There is absolutely no one for me to talk to, no family,  friends or partner to bounce feelings off so you are my angels.


----------



## LellyLupin

Gosh how selfish of me , forgot to say Sally   for a BFP for you xx


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## Salad4

Hi Lesley,
I'm sorry you are having such a rough time.  It is also not all plain sailing with my other half and we are in counselling and attempting to communicate better.  I think he's finding it very difficult, but I hope we will make it out the other side.  In terms of the match, I think I made a number of compromises.  To be honest with you, I don't have much faith in the clinic to get a good physical match, and if I look at the characteristics that are given on the form, even if all of them "matched" the person could look nothing like me.  I found myself looking at women on the tube and deciding if I would be happy if they were my match.  I found that it boiled down to facial bone structure for me more than straight or curly hair.  However, when we looked at the physical characteristics, we were looking for either similar to him or similar to me.  Then in the mental characteristics, we only had education to go on.  I found that it was no good asking the nurses about whether they were pretty/bright/any other characteristics that aren't listed on the form, because the person I spoke to hadn't met the person.  When they first said they had a really good match and the donor looked like me they were going from a photocopy of my passport photo.  If they look like my passport photo, they look like a Roswell alien, so that's a bit worrying.  So in the end, it's all a leap of faith.  And I've had people comment on my similarity to my parents because of my mannerisms as much as because of my looks.
Keep thinking positive Lesley.  You know when you are making the right decision and so you've got to press on.  Or if it feels wrong, then stop it.
You are strong and in the words of the classic song, you will survive (we will all survive).  And as you said, everyone on here will support you.
I'm going for a blood test today, so will give you an update later in the week.  
Sally


----------



## deblovescats

Thank feefs - will clear inbox.
Altai - I know how you feel about trying for a sibling or not. I debated it big time but wanted James to have a sibling especially with DD, having a genetic link. I always thought I'd be in a relationship by now and have a family in the regular way, but it didn't happen - not met the right guy soon enough, and knew time was running out. I haven't regretted going it alone and if someone special came along it would be the icing on the cake! I'll admit it's not easy being on your own with one child, and adding a baby in the mix is hard, but very rewarding and haven't regretted it. The good thing is that Lydia is a very settled and contented baby so it makes it easier to deal with James. I love them to bits.
Good luck sally!
Lesley - I really feel for you hun - at least I didn't have to worry about anyone else with the decision. I think it's about time DP gave you some support and recognised your point of view and your needs! You've been a great step mum to his kids now he owes you! I really hope the appointment goes well on Thursday, Hang in there. You can chew it over with me! 
AFM - I really thought about it at length when considering DE. I also had to throw into the mix that I needed DS as well so no link genetically at all. When offered egg donor, waited about 6 weeks and knew basic details - colouring etc. I was offered donor who was tall - 5'10 and I'm 5'5 so I think some recipients had possibly turned the donor down. As I was also using DS, the co-ordinator suggested using a shorter sperm donor to even out the genes for height. She thought donor was a good match physically but obviously I had to take her word for it. I was also surprised that I got sent out pen portraits of both donors in advance of tx but this made me feel happier as the egg donor is a good match educationally and with interests - she's a teacher (which I used to be), musical, artistic, but more sporty than me! Sperm donor was uni student and again creative, liked drama, so similar interests. He had written that 'people said he was good looking but he didn't want to boast', and the way that James is a beautiful toddler, this must be the case. They both wrote lovely messages for the children and the sperm donor put that he would be happy to be contacted if that is what the children want. This all made me feel more positive. Then I considered that my main priority was to have a baby and not to obsess too much about the donors. At the end of the day, I'm their mum and carried them for 9 months and gave birth to them. I have not really had issues about it once I got pregnant! 
Just go for it.
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Hi Debs

DP seems to have come around a little bit surprisingly.  He is taking the vitamins I bought for him and talking a little bit about the appointment.  He even mentioned that once I can claim my pension at 50 I could possibly stop working to look after baby!  Wow first time that's come up.    

So James or Lydia may be tall people huh?  I am hoping my baby ( ) will be tall like DP he is 6ft 4.  In fact I am hoping the baby will take after DP as he is a lot healthier than me and seems to have very good genes.  I would like the baby to have my dark colouring so at least I get a bit of a look in, I would ideally like him/her to look like me but I know that won't be possible.  Its such a lottery but then having a baby naturally is too, I have 3 siblings and none of us look alike although we do have the odd thing in common like mouth shape and most of us have a crooked front tooth.  Its those little things I think I will miss.  But heyho we are where we are and this is now my only option so I will have to go with the flow.  I am a bit sad in some ways but in others I would have hated my baby to inherit my bad migraines,  and my horrible feet and fine hair    James is gorgeous  so his DS must have been telling the truth Deb.  Does Lydia look like James?  Do the pen drawings look realistic or are they very vague?

Sally  how is your other half feeling now?  How did your blood test go?  Are you feeling ok?  I must admit I have started looking at other women and wondering if I would be happy if I were matched to them.  Silly really, I just would really have liked a child that looked a bit Spanishy like me, I like that part of my family because my sisters are blonde and blue eyed I like being a bit different and would have liked a child with that sort of look.  (I know it shouldn't be about looks, but I want to look at my child and forget its not really 'mine').  Educationally I would like my child to be good at maths because I am dire at maths and its held me back a lot and I don't want a child of mine to have that handicap.  Gosh I am making a lot of 'demands' here that won't get fulfilled


----------



## Dolphins

Hi,  

Can I join you lovely ladies, as I started my first PGS cycle on Monday, which is my 7th cycle of treatment.

Really scared at the weekend, starting all of this nightmare of a journey again, but as I say: "you after be in it to win it!" So we will wait with anticipated breath to see what happens.


Speak to you all soon.  

xxx


----------



## LellyLupin

So went for my appointment at Care Sheffield.  Can't believe how attentive DP was, we actually talked a lot on the way home about the whole thing.  He did make me laugh though when he came out of giving his sample and told me how hard it was to do.  Honestly my heart bleeds.  I could have slapped him.  He learnt a lot about the last two times I did ivf that he didn't know such as I had OHSS and how many eggs I had produced and how that wasn't necessarily a good thing, he was so uninterested I basically did it all on my own which I think he now feels a little ashamed about.  We did end up arguing on the way home as I lost it a little bit because of all the stress he has put me through.  However this time he seems more on board.  I told him I couldn't care less what the stepkids, his mother, he thinks, this time its all about me and what I want, this is my child, I am paying for it, I will be naming it and if he or anyone else doesn't like it then tough nuggets.  Tired of thinking about what everyone else wants.    It went well but I did want to point out to anyone who may not know that its pointless paying an extra 3 grand when they offer you the altruistic option of having all of someones eggs instead of sharing.  What they don't tell you (unless you ask) is that the donor can donate up to ten more times so in reality you are not exclusively getting one persons eggs,  so in reality what is the point of paying so much extra?  I was a bit surprised about how much everything has gone up too.    It annoys me that it costs so much more in the UK, I do feel they pray on your emotions to get more money out of you. 

Debs thanks for calming me down when I thought I was lost  

Hello to Dolphins  I think we have met before on this thread haven't we?  Good luck with your cycle xx


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## Dolphins

Yes, I think that we have met on this thread before Lesleylupin. I like the fact that you don't stand for any nonsense regarding your partner. Go for it lass!  

I see that you are going to Care Sheffield, we are at Care Manchester.  How are you finding it at Care Sheffield?

Anyway! I had my first monitoring scan of this cycle today, and I have got 3 nicely sized follies on one side, and 4 on the other.  The maximum size is 12mm so far, but I've got a few at 11mm, and as we all/most of us know they need to get to 17mm, before egg collection. Therefore, I've got another scan scheduled for Tuesday morning at 11 a.m. so I am hoping that by then, they'll be knocking on the door to being 17mm.  

I added Cetrotide to the list of meds. that I've got to take yesterday, but there are no changes that I have got to make in terms of my meds. until Tues. the day of my next scan.

Anyway, speak to you all soon.

xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Hi Dolphin  only had the one appointment so far, wasn't totally impressed with the guy I saw but that could be because I have heard it all before and I felt a bit like they were trying to add things in we didn't really need to bump the cost up.  We went on Thursday and got the bill Saturday, they are definitely quick off the mark to bill you.  Got another appointment on 15th December so I will know more then.  Good luck with your cycle xx


----------



## deblovescats

Hi girls
welcome dolphins - I recognise your name as well from earlier thread when I was cycling before. Good luck with your cycle.
Lesley - I feel for you hun. It was good to talk to you - however briefly - glad I could calm you down. There's nothing worse than not being able to find somewhere when you have a deadline! Glad DP is getting on board! As for a child looking like us - it's amazing how many people think James looks like me! His colouring is the same and Lydia looks like James did as a baby. It did bother me at first when I was pregnant, wondering what the baby would look like, but now I don't really care - I just love them so much. They're my dream come true! I'm typing this now - both little ones fast asleep - can't believe it. Lydia is such a contented little thing which makes it easier when dealing with a toddler. James is now taking an interest in his sister - he kisses her gently and touches her cheek. When he thinks she's had enough attention, he points to her Moses basket and grunts - as if to say, put her back!  
I think it's terrible how fertility clinics can charge the amounts that they do and can keep putting prices up! 
Lesley - don't feel pressured to pay for extras that you feel you don't need. We all think we need to maximise our chances and feel that we should pay extras. For my first cycle at CARE, I was offered embryoscope/CARE mapping, but decided not to go ahead, and I got a positive outcome anyway. With my next cycle, I paid for embryoglue as an extra, but I understand from someone else cycling, that they don't suggest this now. I got James without the embryoglue anyway! I was offered ICSI but didn't have to pay for it, as I was using donor sperm and they said the sperm was slow moving so it would be better to do ICSI but obviously it wasn't my partner!  Just do what you feel like doing! 
has anyone seen the programme advertised tomorrow evening about fertility clinics and them offering extras without the evidence it works! Going to watch it.
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Debs the programme will be interesting, I do think that its all about luck and less about gimmicks.  They do definitely pray on your heartache.  Look at the altruistic option he offered, an extra 3k only to discover that 10 other families could end up with children from the same donor.  It really bothers me that they do this sort of thing.  I did think about you while I was sat in the waiting room, I wondered if you saw the same consultant.  I am hoping your good luck rubs off on me.


----------



## LellyLupin

Dolphin forgot to ask what you think of Care Manchester?  I don't know about you but I got a shock it wasn't in a hospital setting and was a house.  I had a mini meltdown because I thought I was in the wrong place and rang Debs from on here for directions  ;  I have only recently become immune to DPs wants, believe me he has put me through some stress in the past, least not putting his kids feelings over mine and not wanting a baby with me in case it upsets them.  Well they are grown up now so its me time I have waited long enough, they will just have to deal with it.

I guess from your post you are having OE ivf and not DE.  I had two goes with my OE but gave up because even though I produced over 30 each time and 18 fertilised each time, they just seemed to peter out and develop really slowly.  It seems over producing although it sounds good is not necessarily a good thing, you need quality over quantity, at the time I thought I was the bees knees though   It was a big decision to go for DE but thinking about it my genes aren't very good either because I have a few health issues, so I think for me going DE is the right way to go.  I am looking forward to doing the selection process.  Its sound like your eggs are cooking very nicely, I hope your next scan goes well x


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## LellyLupin

Wow interesting programme re add ons on TV tonight.  26 put of 27 not proven and one actually reduces your chances.


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## Dolphins

Hi,

Lesleylupin - We quite like Care Manchester, but they have made certain admin. mistakes this time with the protocol, and messing my head about reg. meds.  First saying that I don't need to take aspirin, and then saying that it'll be good to take during the stimming phase, getting the letter 1 week after I started my stimming regime stating this.  So wasn't happy with the Dr. and told him this, when I went back to the clinic on Tues. to have my 2nd monitoring scan.  He told me to put all of this in writing, but I don't know! I have personally got enough on my plate at the mo. and don't need the hassle.    Although, he did have the gal to say that "there is always counselling available, if things are giving you added pressure! What!!! Because of their own mistakes! I think that it's the other way round that they may need the counselling.

Anyway! We did conceive our son had Manchester Care, so they are not all that bad, and yes, we could have changed clinics, but to be frank, I can't do with the hassle. And they have usually been good to us.

Sorry for the rant! By the way, but it's best to get it out! Then there was Panorama this week that say's that there is no evidence that PGS increases your pregnancy rate, and have spoken to the Dr. about this, has it has affected my confidence in the all PGS process, but saying that! After some thought, and after the Dr. convinced me after our discussion, I still stand by my motto: "we are in it, to win it!" And if you are not in it, how can you possibly get what you want.  And I know that some of you are using Donor, but I would prefer to give it another shake of the dice with my own eggs before going to donor, as I can't get my head around that!

Anyway! As I have said, I had my 2nd monitoring scan on Tuesday that's just gone, and my follies were measuring nicely! The biggest were 20mm and there was one at 16mm, and one at 15mm, and so therefore, they have told me that I am ready for EC on Friday (tomorrow), and therefore have taken my trigger shot yesterday, and it mean's that I am free of injections today "YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!"   

However, it's a very early morning for us tomorrow, as we after drop our son off at his gran's for about 6.30 a.m. and then travel the 1.5/2 hr journey (at that time) to Manchester, as we after be there for 8.30 a.m. with my EC being scheduled for 9.30 a.m. so wish us luck.     

Hello again deblovescats,   hope you are ok?

xxxx


----------



## Salad4

Hi Lesley - sounds like you've had some positive (DP) and some negative (the clinician). I left Create because I couldn't get on with Geeta Nargund. They have been better at the Lister, but they didn't offer me the pen portrait until I asked for more information after having seen what Debs wrote.  I hope you start to feel more comfortable with them. 
Dolphins - those measurements sound good. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
Debs - you have a lovely family.

AFM - I had the blood tests and they were positive. I have just today had an early scan and they saw the embryo and the heartbeat. I saw blobs and flickers. So it seems to have worked, but I have no symptoms, so it doesn't feel quite real yet. I think I'll just gradually believe it more and more until I can actually say to people "I'm pregnant" and believe what I'm saying.  So maybe this is the year for this thread!!!!!
Sallyx


----------



## Salad4

Sorry Dolphins, meant to wish you luck for tomorrow!!


----------



## LellyLupin

Dolphin  I guess each clinic will have its cock ups, however suggesting counselling seems a bit cheeky,  obviously never been on the sharp end other wise he would have said nothing.    The clinic that was using PGS seemed convinced by it so you can only go with that.  I thought the programme was too vague, it didn't really say that much, just lots of shots of coffee cups and not a lot of details. 

I would have had another go with my own eggs if I had been in my early 40's and had the funds,  but as I am nearly 50 and this is my last go I thought I would give myself the best chance.  Can't say its been easy to choose DE but beggars and choosers and all that.

Good luck for tomorrow, lots of   xx

Woohoo Sally       time to believe girl!!!  It would be so god if we all got our dream, we would have to have a big FF and meet each other for the first time xx


----------



## deblovescats

Hi everyone
Lesley - good luck for your appointment on 15th! 
salad  - great news, good luck. You have to believe it now hun! When I was pregnant 1st time, I didn't really get symptoms till round about 3 month stage - when morning sickness kicked in! I didn't get symptoms after transfer for any of the first 3 cycles - both the BFNs and the BFP which resulted in my son. Then with my daughter, I had vomiting at 8 days post transfer so I had an inkling I could be pregnant but couldn't believe it. so all pregnancies are different. The evidence is there on the scan! Believe and enjoy!
Dolphins - good luck for tomorrow.
I have yet to watch the programme and intend to do so this on iplayer - I do think it sounds as if the programme could have been more informed and balanced. I think some of the treatments are not proven but can see that its as a result of people not being available for clinical trials and it doesn't mean that none of it actually works, however, some probably don't. AFM - I had blastocyst culture for each treatment, and the first two times even with donor egg, didn't work, the 3rd and 4th cycles, had blasts transferred (single one) and it resulted in BFPs. I personally think blastocyst culture probably does work. I read up a lot of info on the HFEA website which you would think would be scientifically correct and they recommend it. I didn't opt for the embryoscope which I was offered on my positive cycle and the cycle was successful. I didn't have embryoglue on the first 3 cycles but did on my last one, yet I got a BFP with and without so not convinced of the success or not of this. 
I do think clinics do make excessive amounts of money with fertility treatment, which should be more regulated, but obviously I don't regret any of the money spent, but then I was successful and have my gorgeous boy and girl. If it still hadn't worked, I suppose I would have been more regretful.
Deb


----------



## deblovescats

Just forgot to say Lesley - I can see how it's been a hard decision moving to DE and I really wondered about it at first. I was 45 when I had first treatment, and if I had been early 40s would have attempted an OE cycle, but being single, funding myself and being advised that at my age, odds were 5%, it was a pretty easy decision for me. I wanted to maximise the chance of having a take home baby, and I got that finally. I really have not regretted it - all I see is that my children are beautiful and I love them totally. I never give the fact they are donor conceived another thought. I'm just too busy dealing with looking after them! Just wait till you're in the midst of nappy changes! We mums are the ones who nourish that little life, protect them and give them life. They wouldn't exist without us.I think how babies get into the world does not really matter -whether they're DE, OE or adopted or fostered - it's the nurturing and mothering that matters! 
I have thought about it. One of my interests (pre children that is) is researching family history and I have thought about this - it brings the DE into sharp focus as my little ones have no genetic link to the ancestors I have traced and researched. And I won't be able to tell them, these are your ancestors, but ultimately, the present is more important! 
Deb


----------



## LellyLupin

I am pretty at peace with the DE thing now Debs.  I did have the same thoughts as you with regards to the ancestors bit but in reality what does that really mean to a person.  Our family has been traced back to the Plantagenets but its not done me any good    One of the reasons I am at peace is I suffer from Migraine with Aura really badly and I know a child of mine has a 50-70% chance of inheriting this condition, as it has made my life incredibly difficult I don't want that for a child of mine, I am hoping its a stipulation I can discuss with the doctors as I know you can't screen for it, but I am hoping the question can be asked.  I also have very poor eyesight which I don't want to pass on,  I am a bit of a wreck really, so I am hoping a child of mine will inherit good things from someone else and DP.  I would like a dark haired dark eyed child so we have something in common but I think I am pretty chilled about it all now.  Like you I just want a happy healthy baby, I also think I am going to be in the not telling camp.  I didn't think I would be but the more I think about it the more I am leaning that way.


----------



## Dolphins

Well ladies,

I have had my Egg Collection, and I am pleased to say that I got 5 eggs today.  Not as many as I thought that I might get, so initially a bit disappointed,  and it's the least number of eggs that I have got, but beggers can't be choosers, and as I know from experience now, it's the quality of the eggs, rather than the quantity that's the key, and it does "only take one!"  

Anyway! I am trying to rest up this evening, as I am feeling quite uncomfortable, and have been bleeding from the procedure.  But the procedure went smoothly, it was just the 2.5 hr wait for the results after the procedure, which was the really nerve wrecking bit.

Talk to you all later.

xxx


----------



## deblovescats

Dolphins - congrats on the egg collection - one is all you need! 
Lesley - glad you are at peace with the DE. I'm still undecided with the telling/not telling. sorry you have a difficult time with migraines  - I can see your thoughts with inheriting good genes healthwise. On the family history theme - did you see the one with Danny Dyer last week being related to Edward III! Like you, my eyesight isn't great - I'm short sighted and had laser surgery! Hopefully James and Lydia will get better vision. I also have asthma and hayfever so hopefully they'll not get these either - also hope me breast feeding them will stop them getting allergies! 
Deb


----------



## LellyLupin

Debs I have mulled over the telling not telling and think what you don't know doesn't hurt you.  Really what would be the chances on finding out you are not a DNA match in reality?  Blood group yes I can understand but a DNA match hmm.  My cousin has done the 23 and me DNA test and that's how I know I am poor royalty    He is ending me lots of links to John of Gaunt and the Beauforts and pictures of castles which were in our family, I know the royal bloodline has lots of genetic flaws so wondering if that's were mine come from.    My eyesight is -14 so I can't even have the laser surgery as it would only bring me up to a -6 so whats the point, I can pay for implants but there is a danger it can pull the retina off the back of the eye so no thanks.  My migraines have really made my life difficult as the form I get means I sometimes can't speak, understand or see,  so as you can imagine its frightening and inconvenient, I wouldn't want to inflict it on anyone else.  My family also get early high blood pressure,  I am already on betablockers so that's another flaw, the more I think about the more DE appeals to me and the better off the baby will be hopefully.  I might need he or she to look after me when I fall to bits


----------



## Dolphins

Hi,

We got the phone call this morning to say that out of 5 eggs that we got yesterday, 3 have fertilised, which is still good news.  They are going to phone us again tomorrow morning to let us know how the embryos are dividing.

Ok, so it's not all 5 that's fertilised, but it's better then o, better then 1, and better then 2.  So there is still hope. 

Bye for now.

xxx


----------



## LellyLupin

It only takes one Dolphin


----------



## Salad4

Hi Dolphin - I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!  5 eggs is a good number. We only got 4 eggs form the donor, but ended up with two transferable/freeezable blastocysts. 

Debs - I know what you mean about the family tree, but the way I think about it is that they have a family history (me) and a genetic history (donor egg genes). We have people in our family tree who were not genetic ancestors, but are hugely important to us descendants. So my great great grandmother on my mum's side was a second marriage, so not related by blood, but she was a suffragette who went to prison. She feels as much a part of me and my Mum as other blood relatives. 

Salad


----------



## deblovescats

salad - i find that very satisfying about ancestors. I think that's a good way of thinking about it - genetic family history and one from the 'real' parents! 
Dolphins  - I agree with Lesley - you just need one. I got 12 eggs from donor, all fertilized and ended up with 4 blasts - one transferred fresh, became DS and 3 frozen. One developed into my DD from FET. Have 2 still frozen.
Deb


----------



## Dolphins

Hi all,

Well we might be having embryo transfer today after all, as they are not sure that the best embryo is good enough to biopsy, which if they did, and it was a good embryo, the success rate for someone my age would be as much as 54%, but if we after have a transfer my chances of success drop down to 11-12% again,  so not good news, if we after go for transfer.

The embrylogist is going to wait until lunch time to see if our best embryo (out of 2 now) gets to the biopised stage, but if it doesn't then we'll be asked to do a transfer this afternoon, as they have provisionally put us down for a 2.30 p.m. transfer.

So we are hoping that it doesn't come to that really!  

Wish us luck!

xxx


----------



## Dolphins

Hi,

We decided not to go to transfer today, as if our best embryo look's better by tomorrow, then they will do a biopsy, and if not, and it arrests (disintegrates) tomorrow, then we did the right thing in not putting it back.  However, if they are still unsure about it tomorrow, then I may still have a transfer.

To be honest, if I was on my 1st/2nd cycle of treatment, I probably would have had it put back in today, but it isn't, I am on my 7th cycle, with  a miscarriage, 1 baby, and several failed cycles, so I have totally experienced grief, and heartbreak, and every cycle that doesn't work 'screws' me up, so I think that we made the right decision today.

And we'll see where tomorrow morning's (9.00 a.m.) phone call will take us.   They have provisionally booked us in for transfer at 2 p.m. tomorrow just in case.

Bye for now.  

xxx


----------



## deblovescats

Dolphins - sorry to hear the news - hope that the little embryo recovers well and you can go ahead with testing and transfer. I'm keeping everything crossed! I agree with how much we invest in cycles. I know how you feel - my 1st two cycles of DD were BFNs and I was disappointed as felt I had higher chances with donor. 
AFM - just taken Lydia into work today (doom and gloom at present, so everyone felt so much happier with a baby to cuddle!) while James at nursery. Good to get out of the house. Managed to get son to nursery with daughter in tow! Nursery staff are very helpful! 
Deb


----------



## LellyLupin

Hopefully things will have improved tomorrow Dolphin.  Sending you lots of          People who haven't had ivf will never know the heartbreak we endure xx


----------



## Dolphins

Thanks for wishing me well ladies, but the cycle is over for me.   And I am absolutely devastated.   

We had the phone call this morning, and overnight both embryos had degenerated, so we made the right decision not to transfer yesterday, but now we've got no embryos to biopsy. Zero!!!!!!!!!

From 5 eggs to 3 embryos to 2 embryos to 0.

This was my 7th cycle, and we paid for a multicycle package, so we have still got another cycle to try, but at the mo. I don't know what to do.

My dream of having a "very much, wanted, and longed for sibling for my child! Is getting further, and further away!" There is nothing else left to say, maybe I was destined to only get to 29 wks.   

xxx


----------



## fififi

Dolphin - so sorry to see your news.
Huge, huge hugs xxxx


Although right now things looking so bleak I'm testament to fact that a longed for sibling against all odds can happen. Take time to feel sad & angry but as new year approaches hopefully you'll find some strength to move closer to your dreams once more


----------



## deblovescats

Dolpins - so sorry to hear your news hun. Its devastating. I was so hoping you'd have good news. Take care of yourselves and take time to decide the way forward. It took a 3rd cycle for me to get DS, but I was fortunate when I decided to try for a sibling, to get DD from 1st subsequent cycle. I hope that you do get your much wanted sibling for DS!
Deb


----------



## Salad4

Dolphins- so sorry to hear your news. Take time to recover - look after yourself before deciding what to do next. Hugs. Salad


----------



## LellyLupin

So sorry for you Dolphin  , that's what kept happening to me, the eggs would fertilise, get so far and then peter out.  So heartbreaking especially on the 2ww.  Take some time to gather your thoughts and emotions and heal xx


----------



## Dolphins

Hi all,

I am "still" suffering physically over 1 week from coming off the meds. as I am in a lot of abdo. pain, and constantly feel sick.  My AF has arrived now, but I know that it's got nothing to do with that, as every time I do treatment, it flares my IBS up.  I have never felt like this physically, 1 week after coming off the meds.

I am supposed to be going out tonight, to honour my Dad (who we lost this year), as it would have been his birthday next week, but instead, we are celebrating the first birthday without him.  It's a drinks night out with various members of the family, and I know that I'll be disappointed if I don't go, but to be honest, I don't feel well at all, and I'm in a lot of pain.  I have been to my GP's, and have spoken to the clinic, but they can't recommend anything other than painkillers, which I can't take because of my IBS, rest, and to drink more fluids.

But I haven't been able to go to my voluntary work for the last few weeks because of it either.  And to top it off, a friend of mine, who has also had IVF has just told me that there are pregnant with their 2nd child, and it was natural, so talk about kicking you when you are down.  She wasn't even sure that she wanted another child. So talk about feeling really envious of other people, and feeling "angry" with the world in general.

I am utterly sick of feeling like s**t, for something that doesn't seem to be working for me!     But what do you do if you really want another child?

Bye for now.

xxxx


----------



## LellyLupin

Oh Dolphin the amount of times I have felt angry at the world.  I have no children and my so called best friend who had never even mentioned children as soon as she found out I was having ivf set out to beat me to it,  being 11 years younger than me.  She now has two sons.  The christening day of the first one was probably the hardest day of my life. I gritted my teeth smiled all day and broke my heart on the way home.  I will never forget that day as long as I live.  Its natural to be angry and feel like its all so unfair and it is.  On top of this you have just lost your Dad and you are ill,  you are bound to be feeling very down, all the hormones just escalate everything, it will pass in time just hang on in there.   

AFM went for my second appointment at Care Sheffield.  The counselling I could have done without as I didn't really understand the point of it, it wasn't  counselling really just the same information I had already had from the consultant.  However the one thing that did come as a surprise was that when they screen for DE,  they just take the persons word for it that they have told the truth and don't check up unless they are suspicious.  I found that a bit hard to stomach when you are paying 8.5k for this service.  So there could be something extremely worrying in a donors family and they don't check the GPs records. Hmmm I don't like that.

I also found out that I again have cysts in my left ovary, hopefully I won't have to have them out again, it hasn't taken long for them to grow back, I was a little shocked that they had.  Apart from that the appointment went ok, I was surprised at how much detail I could ask them look for when looking for a match for me.  We have gone with being matched to my physical type as DP will already be in the mix.  My biggest concern was that she said the drugs could make my migraines worse and I may not be able to cope with them, to be honest that bit it is a huge worry for me as I suffer with Migraine with Aura, so I can be completely incapacitated by an attack and lose my vision and speech etc.  So that does worry me.  Anyone else have the same condition that has been though DE drugs and survived it?  

So I am now officially on the DE list!      Really hoping that I am putting up the tree next year with a baby in the room   

Hope everyone is ok xx  Debs how is the sister situation?


----------



## deblovescats

Dolphins - I am gutted for you! It's especially hard at this time of year, I think. I know how you feel about wanting a sibling. I felt the same, especially with having DE, I think I particularly wanted a genetic sibling for James so he has someone sharing his genes. I felt guilty as well, as some women are still waiting to get no 1, I didn't want to appear greedy. Also, as I had 3 frozen embryos, I felt they were my babies just waiting to be born! Might sound foolish I know! Dolphins, try and take time out to decide what to do, but if you decide to go again, I'm rooting for you. As feefs said, she got there with a sibling although it took a while. I am so grateful I was lucky that it worked for me 1st time for getting a sibling, although I had two failed attempts initially before my son was born. I guess it was down to quality of the embryos, as the first failed cycles were with double donation at one clinic, and James and Lydia are from same donors at a second clinic. Maybe, you could consider DE, although I know it would be hard with a child from OE and one from DE.
Lesley - glad the appointment went well. I am like you, and thought they would check medical records for donors, but I suppose all we can do is trust that they are telling the truth. I try not to worry about what might happen further down the line re: medical conditions. I believe you can contact the clinic who will get in touch with HFEA and they can contact donors if any concerns are thrown up regarding medical issues.
The situation with sis is pretty much the same - it's like a constant groundhog day! It's great to live with normality when I don't see her! She's unfortunately even more resentful now I have my little princess. She thinks it's not fair that I have two and she doesn't have any! Where we go from here, I don't know .... Heigho, maybe 2017 will give us a new direction.
AFM - in the midst of xmas preparations. It's really good not to be having to go through all the preparations for a cycle. ALso trying to sort out arrangements for a christening for Lydia.
Hope everyone has a lovely Christmas and that those of you who are not yet mums, get to celebrate baby's first Christmas next year!
Deb


----------



## Coolish

Lesley - I suffer with migraines, including the flashing lights and sometimes silent migraines. I've had quite a few cycles with lots of different drugs and none of them brought on migraines. Progesterone makes me feel a bit headachy, but that's it.  I did get a couple migraines in the first 3 months of pregnancy but nothing bad and then nothing for the rest of the pregnancy. 

It was DD's 3rd birthday yesterday (and mine last Sunday). She loved it. She also did want to go to bed last night, because it was her birthday


----------



## deblovescats

Jules - happy birthday to you and to DD. What an amazing time of year - I remember being inspired by your fertility journey when I was going for tx! Can't believe LO is 3! Sorry you didn't get your BFP this year - do you think you might try again?
AFM - in the midst of preparing for Christmas - it'll be lovely when it gets here! We've got a crib service on Christmas Eve - James is going as a shepherd and Lydia is Baby Jesus! Her first starring role! 
Deb


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## LellyLupin

Thanks jools that comforts me a lot because it really is a worry for me.  Congrats on yours and Izzys birthdays, 3 already wowsa xx

Debs can you believe you have two kids in the nativity, a Christmas miracle xx


----------



## ESKIMO KISSES

New to this site. Not sure how it all works but I am almost 44 and trying to conceive. Second month of trying. I got tests done that show that I am still fertile. MY numbers are pretty good and my bfs sperm was tested and he is low part of normal but great morphology and has some speedy sperm still. He is taking fertilaid so hoping that is helping his swimmers. I am in my tww. 4 days past ovulation. Any moms over 40 have any insights or BFP to share?


----------



## Coolish

Hi eskimo kisses - welcome to FF 

There's a good section on here for over 40s including all sorts of tips and support - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=162.0

There's also a trying to conceive naturally - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=530.0

This is the 2ww section, where there will be ladies at the same stage as you - http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=530.0

good luck x


----------



## scattykatty

Hi Eskimo kisses. You may want to join the own eggs over 45 group. There is at least one lady who is 44 and they're not age-ist. I'd recommend it as they're an active supportive group of ladies going through all different kinds of treatment. I read their conversations regularly to glean insights even though I'm a little way off the right age. Good luck! http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=347735.msg6579378#new


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## LellyLupin

Still waiting - sigh.  Soon I will be too old to be on this thread.  Wondering if there would be any mileage in ringing the clinic to see if they have forgotten about me.


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## deblovescats

lesley - I haven't forgotten about you hun! I would maybe give them a ring. My ex colleague/friend who recently got a BFP - had her cycle end Jan, had initial appointments like you in Nov!


----------



## fififi

Lesley - I was hoping you'd posted to say you've been matched. Definitely phone the clinic - can only help I think.
Do hope you get news soon.
Huge hugs xxx


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## deblovescats

feefs - hope you're doing ok.
AFM - had a lovely day last Sunday - it was Lydia's christening - she behaved impeccably and she looked absolutely beautiful, dressed in the christening gown I bought for James. It was an incredible experience, one I never thought I'd have. All my friends and family thought it was a wonderful day and were all very supportive.


----------



## LellyLupin

No such luck Feefs and Debs, I think I will ring because I thought I would have heard something by now.  Maybe I was too fussy on my wants    I have waited a long time for a baby I want what I want    Must admit I feel last in the race it seems to be a long long slog for me to get anywhere.

Been following your posts Debs, so glad you got your dreams come true.

Feefs how is you little girl doing?


----------



## LellyLupin

I am a bit worried my ovarian cysts will be growing back while I am waiting and they will want me to have surgery again and it will be even more delay - having a little worry-fest


----------



## Salad4

Hi Lesley - it took me ages to get matched and I had to speak to the clinic regularly.  I rang them when I hadn't heard anything (can't remember how long, but it was certainly more than 3 months.  They then sent me various proposals for matches, that my partner and I rejected - he had quite high requirements.  He kept saying to me that I got a better match for my ski boots when I bought them (and I went over to Serre Chevalier to get them).  Finally we got a match that looked better, which then created all sorts of turmoil in our relationship and his worrying that he was too old to be a Dad.  We are making progress on the relationship front and I am now 20 weeks pregnant - just had my 20 week scan and all looks good apart from low placenta (that they are hoping will move before the 28 week scan).  So I would say definitely give them a call and see what is happening.  And ask them why you haven't got a match so you can understand what the difficult aspect is and decide if it is essential.  Our clinic told us that our educational requirements were tricky as they formed only about 35% of the potential donors.  
I am currently job hunting (my contract finished at the end of November (when I was about 6 weeks pregnant).  Since then I haven't been lucky (Christmas never helps - and I can only look for short term contracts.  It has meant that I've been having to camouflage (long scarves are a god-send) but has also meant that I can't properly celebrate. Still I'll either get a job, or give up soon, and the weather is getting nicer, so that will help.



Debs - the christening sounds wonderful.  I can just imagine it.
fififi - I hope all is well.
And any others who are just watching and reading - hi - I hope all is well.
Salad.


----------



## deblovescats

salad - so happy for you, congrats. Try not to worry about the placenta - I had that in 1st pregnancy, but didn't have any problems. Second time, it started low, but moved up.
Lesley - thanks for your kind words. I'm sorry you're waiting such a long time, hun. I would defo ring the clinic. Salad - glad you got your match in the end. I wasn't too specific - just basic criteria. I accepted the first matches the clinic offered. I think they were struggling to match my egg donor as she was tall, and I'm just average, so suggested a smaller sperm donor. I agreed and so glad I did - I have my two little miracles as a result! Let's arrange to meet up soon!


----------



## Coolish

Hey Salad, congratulations!


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## fififi

Huge congrats Salad - great news xxx

Lesley have sent you a PM xx

Hugs to everyone else xx


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## LellyLupin

Feefs I have answered you again, my initial message didn't go and I didn't know until yesterday, sorry for the delay I am no good at this technology lark  .

Sally so happy for you, I am wondering if my educational wants may be the problem, or the blood group I put in, then I was fretting that maybe they were waiting for something off me.  I have rang today but no one has rang back.  I am getting anxious as DP was on board but now its taking so much time I can see his enthusiasm waning, and I am creeping ever closer to the 50 mark.  I too am worried he will start to fret about being too old again and go off the idea.  So glad you got your baby and everything is going well.  Are you coping health wise, I bet you are over the moon xx

Debs, it was your note about your friend being pregnant and she went for appointments the same time as me that has spurred me on to ring.  I thought I would have heard by now, I may have to relax on some of the things I asked for.  I just really want a family and was hoping for a baby that looked something like me to avoid any questions or avoid that child wondering if they really do belong to me.  xx

Hello to everyone on here hope you are doing well xx


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## artist_mum

Hi and congrats to Salad, I remember you from way back. Really glad to hear about your pregnancy, good luck with it all and also with the job search with scarf disguise!  

I hope you get your match soon Lesley - we were with CARE and turned down one match (I didn't like the pen portrait, didn't feel right) then they didn't offer any more, we waited and I was by then some months over 50. We ended up going back to Eugin in Barcelona who I'd really liked on 2 previous tries. They go to 51.  I'm now 25 weeks pregnant so obviously pleased with that decision. I've been thinking of you and trusting it's all coming your way, hang on in there 

Hi to everyone else

Artist xx


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## LellyLupin

Hi Artist so pleased for you, you had a long journey before you got your dream, I can't wait for you to announce the birth  .  I am a bit disappointed that there has been no contact with CARE and they haven't returned my calls, I will be calling again on Monday.  I feel like I have been on this treadmill for so long, I think I am the last one out of the original posters on this thread to get my dream.  I will keep you posted please send me some good vibes xx


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## deblovescats

Lesley - so sorry you're having difficulties in getting a match. I think in UK that the 50 cut off includes that year as far as I'm aware. I know how you feel about other posters having got there. I know why you want a child to have your colouring, I worried about questions about my baby not looking like me. I wanted a match with the colouring and I think that I got that. I wasn't too specific about other things. It's amazing how people think James looks like me, and no one has questioned that the children are not from OE.
Keep giving them a nudge!


----------



## artist_mum

Loads of good vibes coming your way Lesley - I often think of you and I know that like me you've had a long journey for this dream.  Please don't give up, pursue CARE of course but I know you also visit the over 50s board where there are other options posted - the right one for you will happen whether it's CARE or another option. Keep believing.  Xx
PS this may not be for everyone (and the web site seems horribly American/sales) but I found the 3 teleconference sessions so incredibly helpful (I did several of them) and the woman who runs it is a total 'healer'. An amazing woman who helps people to find their own breakthrough/the reason they haven't got there yet.  If you do it, don't be afraid to speak up on the calls. Www.fertileheart.com.  Best of luck Lesley xx


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## LellyLupin

Thank you Artist - how is your pregnancy coming along are you fit and well?

I finally got through to the clinic and the reason its taking so long is because they haven't had any donors with dark brown hair and hazel or brown eyes    They said their donors have all been blonde with blue or green eyes, I am amazed as brown hair and eyes is so common.  I thought I may have been a bit picky with my specifications but they said its the colouring I have asked for.  I can't waiver on that though as I am dark and I would hopefully want a dark haired dark eyed child, DP and his children are blue eyed blondes so I want something that seems to belong to me if you know what I mean.  I am a bit relieved its just that. This baby lark is so complicated


----------



## LellyLupin

Oh another pregnancy announcement at work today, another punch in the stomach feeling for me.  I am pleased for her though I am not that nasty as to not be pleased for someone,  but I do always get that awful always the bridesmaid feeling


----------



## deblovescats

Hi Lesley
I'm pleased you got through to CARE and have an answer - just not what you wanted, but at least you know you're not too specific. Hopefully you'll get matched soon. I was obviously lucky as I wanted fair colouring, I used to be blonde, and have blue-grey eyes. I know it's important that you get someone who resembles you! When going down DE route, I think we want something that is a 'bit of us' if you know what I mean. Good luck. Will send you a message! 
Deb


----------



## artist_mum

Hi - yes I can see why you'd be relieved it's just the colour matching Lesley, but funny that the dark hair/brown eyes should be less available in the uk. I'm blue eyes/dark hair so in Spain there were less of the blue eyes!  Your donor will come in its right time I'm sure.
I'm doing fine, thank you. They've changed me from suggested C-section due to age back to natural birth if I want to.  So I thought that was a good vote of confidence in my health! But of course we'll have to wait and see.  As for you, your time will come - you've put years of intent into this, keep visualising yourself with your child, that can really help xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Happy Mothers Day to all of you who made it, are in the process of making it and those of us who are not yet there   

Glad you are doing fine Artist, yes the brown eyes thing is a puzzle to me, I hope they hurry up and find someone I don't think I can do another childless Mothers Day especially as my Stepkids didn't even bother to send me a text!


----------



## deblovescats

Lesley - thanks so much for your Mother's Day wishes. I realise how hard it is on this day for those without children. I know how lucky I am. I really hope that you get your wish and by next Mother's Day you have something to celebrate!
I feel so blessed to have my little ones on this day, and wish everyone the same.


----------



## artist_mum

Yes belated happy Mother's Day to all and especially those who are awaiting their child, yet to come. 

I posted something like that on ********, to all those who are not mums but are no less special as people out there in the world! Got an amazing response from mums and 'not mums'.  This mothering instinct (or lack of, in some cases) affects us all.

Lesley - I feel for you on the steppies, I have 2 of them and it's not always an easy journey that's for sure.  About a year ago i made a conscious effort to prioritise my thoughts on having my own child.  My steppies are teenagers now and do also have their own mum. It's too easy to allow step parenting to take precedence just because the other half might like that approach.  I still embrace the kids in my life, but focus on me, my partner and our future more than i did before.  They now need to fit in equally with our life, rather than us completely around theirs. And if that means a change in visit 'routines' or a missed visit then so be it.  Boundaries - they're definitely needed.  Good luck with the donor wait.  She's out there somewhere!

Artist xx


----------



## LellyLupin

I wish she'd hurry up Artist    I too am focussing more on my needs and not the steppies, they are 15 & 19 now so its my turn to get what I want for a change.  Must admit I was hurt on Mothers Day especially by Lucy as we are so close (or so I thought).  She told DP she did send me a text but I don't believe her.  Ah well hopefully one day I will have my own son or daughter to wake up to on Mothers Day,  its taking so very long I feel like I have been on this treadmill forever.


----------



## artist_mum

Hi Lesley 
My steppies are 13 (girl) and 17 (boy) so just a bit behind you on age.

there are so many times you get disappointed with step children and its only people who have done it that really understand that. I know it's happened to me several times over the years and people give you all sorts of advice but my conclusion is that I don't think there's any real answer to it, it's just a very imperfect way to experience 'family'.  It's very biased towards the 'original' family leading to vulnerability as the non blood related member of the group.  I know I've made a conscious effort in recent years to take care of my own weekends and my own feelings a bit more so I didn't get hurt so much. I do think however that you (and I) should congratulate yourself for all that you have done and for still being together - it's no mean feat!

Anyway I wanted you to know I'm still totally rooting for you. Hang on to the dream xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Thanks Artist I know you understand, no matter how many people say your stepchildren are yours, or how much you love them,  they are not and never will be yours.  It just brought it home to me  on Mothers Day that when left to their own devices and without DP prompting them, they don't think of me as their mother despite bringing them up from the ages of 1 and 4  Its made me even more determined to have my own family now xx  

Hope you are doing ok?  You had such a long journey to get pregnant, I feel like you and I have endured a lot.  

I met up with Debs loves Cats on Sunday, so fabulous to see her and her beautiful children and actually hold a little miracle in my arms.  James and Lydia are so well behaved and a credit to Deb.  Deb if you are reading today thanks for a lovely day  and letting me have a glimpse of what can actually be xx


----------



## deblovescats

Thanks for your lovely words Lesley - I'm so moved! It was lovely to catch up with you again - I'm glad you got the chance to enjoy spending time with James and Lydia. James loved it - by the way, the two 'sheepey' went to bed with him and even got to go to nursery! He loves them and has appropriated Lydia's! I am really rooting for you and hope you get the call soon! You will make such a lovely mum! It's your time now! 
Deb


----------



## fififi

Lesley - had manic few weeks so not replied to your msg but will do soon.
Just wanted to quickly pop by & send you some extra hugs & oodles of positive.energy. I'm feeling really sad & angry for you that your step kids didn't think you needed noticing on Mother's Day. Then I'm also getting more & more annoyed at 'life' for not letting you after such a long & horrid journey get to be the 100% mummy you deserve to be. Seems so crazy when you're such a caring & considerate person who puts herself out for others all the time. Grrrrr, grrrrrr, grrrrrr ... hurry up clinic & find Lesley a match & make sure it's the one she deserves!!!!!
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## LellyLupin

Aw thank you girls, its so lovely to have you all rooting for me.  Thanks for the extra hugs and energy Feefs, everytime the phone rings I think it may be the clinic, I really can't understand the delay.  As  I was saying to Debs on Sunday I am having a gap where nothing seems to be going wrong so,  I need to get going with this before life gets in the way again.  I am concerned that my ovarian cysts are growing back as they are now 2cm and you have to have them out at 4cm, if they don't hurry up there is a chance I will be back in the hospital again - more delay and I can't afford the time out.  

James is so cute, I am so glad he liked the sheep, I was amazed at how well behaved he was and how nicely he sat in the café and let us chat, for 2 years old that is fantastic.  I had fun feeding the ducks and throwing stones into the sea with him.  Holding Lydia was so lovely and felt so natural to me.  I can't wait for a Lydia of my very own xx


----------



## artist_mum

How lovely Debs and Lesley you both managed to meet up - it's great to hold a baby when you are preparing for having your own, I"m sure it brings you a lot of  .  Lydia could be your lucky baby hug.

Its funny that after all this time trying to get pregnant, and worrying about all these things that go along with the journey, the worst bit now is the way my sister is being towards me.  And I scrolled back on here and found that practically everyone on here seems to have sister problems.  It's so upsetting (i won't bore you with the details) but just also so weird that out of all the people I've told, the ONLY ones not truly happy for me are my own brother and sister... And i've always been so chuffed for their pregnancies (they have 2 kids each).  It is very odd.  And very sad.  And ultimately very hurtful.  

I haven't been on here very much over the past couple of years because I got so sad just not finding my own way forward and I kept trying to give up and get on with life, but i couldn't.  I also was not coping with all that I had on (work, steppies, IVF tx, relationship, family etc).  And I really came back on here because I kept thinking of Lesley and wanted to check you're still going forwards (which you are!) - but all credit to you all on here for checking in year after year!

Artist xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Families can be so hurtful Artist, look at my Mother in Law, when she found out I had had IVF and it failed she didn't speak to me for 3 months and made me feel I had done something wrong by keeping it private.  She made the BFN so much harder for me to get over.  People are so strange.  Your brother and sister are probably worried about your age in all of this and ultimately concerned for your welfare, still they should be thrilled for you after all you have been through.  Hopefully as your pregnancy progresses and they see you blooming they will get excited about it.  You will always have support on here if you need it.  It was great to meet up with Deb, so nice to meet people who have been through the same issues as you, makes you feel not so alone. xx


----------



## artist_mum

Yes I must admit I found your MILs reaction very strange indeed. And so difficult for you to deal with on top of the BFN disappointment. I mean really, how hard can it be for people to TRY and empathise? It's odd. But actually I think some people are just wired differently, they really don't have the 'caring' gene.  And too caught up in their own life/views. You won't find them step parenting - far too much required on the caring front. My sister seems not to have that ability, but it's funny because they tend to want you to have it for them and their problems. I recognised tecently that I'm not good at saying 'no' - and so I've done really a lot for her over years with her dog/kids/problems and I guess that's why I resent her not  reaching out to me about the IVF (she has never been kind about it.). Id like to think it's cos she and my bro are worried for me - but sadly I think they're just not wanting the change. They liked my 'Auntie' status.  Our mother is very ill too so there's a lot of big change going on. Maybe they think I'm selfish doing it at this age. But I know births and deaths do change family dynamics so I'm just trying to let it go and hope it works itself out.

Enough of that splurge! Better out than going round and round in my head I suppose!

Hoping your call comes VERY soon Lesley.  Surely it can't be much longer. Artist xx


----------



## LellyLupin

I can give you a classic lack of empathy statement said only yesterday to me Artist.  I posted a picture showing me on the beach holding Debs Loves Cats children On social media (with Debs permission),  and my cousin in America (who knows I've had failed IVF) put under it 'Wow I haven't seen you in so long you have kids now!'.  What sort of tactless statement is that to say to someone struggling with infertility.  I must admit it stung especially as she knows how devastated I am not to have kids.  Some people will just never understand the hurt.  My MIL just likes to make everything a personal slight against her, I still don't understand what she meant by 'Don't ever do that to me again' after she found out I'd had failed IVF, I mean what did I do to her?  Maybe you are right and your brother and sister just don't want the change,  or maybe its because the spotlight might be on you for a change, family are so strange at times.  I am pretty sure I will get negative comments if I fall pregnant and I will not take kindly to it this time, if MIL has an attitude with me she will be getting both barrels and maybe that's what other people need from people like us who are soft and find it hard to say no.  I can almost hear her saying 'well don't expect me to help out', if she does she won't be seeing much of me I can tell you.  Gosh I have had a rant here


----------



## deblovescats

artist and lesley - I feel for you so much, you'll probably both remember issues I've had with my sis! Some people have so little empathy and lack of awareness of other people's feelings! Artist  hun - don't let your family's reactions spoil your pregnancy, enjoy it. Lesley - you'll be a brill mum, don't let other's issues spoil it! You so deserve a BFP! I still resent my sister's reactions to my pregnancies - after waiting so long, her feelings took the gloss of it! I still can't really let it go. It all stems from her wanting a baby herself and of her wanting me to look after a potential child !!! We still have our ups and downs, and it stresses me out at times, though I'm learning to let it go, and recognise that it's her issues and I deserve happiness as you both do!


----------



## LellyLupin

Debs I honestly don't think your sister does want a baby, I think if you hadn't had James and Lydia she wouldn't even have thought about it.  I think shes just mad that your life has moved on and she thought you would be there to solely take care of her and your Mum and you dared do something for yourself which went against her plan. I bet if you said you would look after a child for her she wouldn't go ahead with trying ivf.  Like my ex best friend who never mentioned kids until she found out I was going for ivf and then went all out to beat me to it.  Some people just can't live their own lives and have to either copy or spoil someone elses.  Another rant from me!


----------



## deblovescats

Lesley hun - feel free to rant away! I think you're quite right. She's only been obsessed with the issue since she found out I was pregnant with James. She seems to think that I should tell her everything such as when I was going for treatment. I think if you really want something, i.e a baby, you change things in your life so that you can do this! I think we have to go for it! 
Thanks for your support


----------



## artist_mum

Thanks Debs, I appreciate the sentiment and am indeed trying to focus on all the people who are happy for me instead of the 2 who aren't supportive. And I only mean supportive in attitude - im not asking for more than that!  Hey ho... Families huh?!  Quite challenging to say the least.

Hope you're all doing well and happy Easter to anyone reading xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Gosh were is my egg donor I am getting so impatient now    I will be past the age where they will treat me at this rate.


----------



## artist_mum

it does seem like a very long wait Lesley..  hopefully she out there somewhere, eating well and getting all ready to supply you with the best possible egg at the just the right time.  And maybe as you are older the clinic are wanting to find you someone who is more reliable (like a proven donor for example).  Fingers still crossed for you here xx


----------



## LellyLupin

OK advice needed.  I have just had a humongous row with DP because I have just found out that while I am saving up for IVF he is paying for his spoilt daughters mobile phone every month on the quiet.  I found out because I opened his bank statement by accident.  Also instead of stopping his sons maintenance payment (hes 20 this year!) he is still paying his ex wife every month, his son is in the Navy for Gods Sake.  I am absolutely furious.  Hes trying to make out I am making a fuss but I am honestly so annoyed.  His ex wife asked him to look at mobile phones for his daughter knowing full well he would end up paying for it every month, shes so manipulative it makes my blood boil.    He is such a wuss when it comes to her, when is he going to put us first for a change.  Heres me cancelling everything I don't have to pay for such as all my animal charities to save up and hes still doing things behind my back.


----------



## artist_mum

Just read this - makes me feel angry for you. Can't believe he is still paying for the 20 year old. And yes the ex sounds very manipulative.  You are most certainly not over reacting.  It is high time that he considered you and your yet to be born child as his family now - and integrate the 2 steppies (which I know you will because you are a really good stepmum to them) rather than you and your child-to-come as the 'second' consideration.

I will be honest and say that in my situation (also 2 steppies) I actually made it clear that I would go it alone if he didn't want to put us first.  And he knew I meant it. It wasn't really a threat, it was just a statement of fact. I said it nicely and kindly (not during an argument) and then followed through by making decisions and appointments. He is currently looking at furniture for the baby room... I.e he is now enthusiastic and on board with things. And so are his kids.

I think you have to show your determination and ignore his fixation on the past (that's what his ex wife actually is). And trust that he will go with it. I also think (and have seen in my case) that until you're pregnant he won't really get it. So you have to keep going and think only about getting pregnant.  Keep positive about that one goal, write affirmations or whatever you can do to remind yourself what's important here.  It's your child - waiting to come to you.

My advice - stay focused on your IVF and do what you need to be calm and single minded (yoga, dog walks, Julia Indichova phone calls..whatever works to keep you on track). Don't let his past hold you back 

Good luck xx


----------



## deblovescats

Lesley hun - I shouldn't be surprised, but can't believe DP is behaving like this! It seems as if he can't let go of his ex even though his kids are grown up now! He needs to concentrate on making a new little one! He definitely hasn't got his priorities right. When is he going to let them fend for themselves. If his son is in the navy, he's earning a living and doesn't need to give money to his ex. I understood that any maintenance was as long as kids were in full time education, not when they've actually got a job! How can he let you go on scrimping and saving when he's treating money like water .... Could scream on your behalf! I think you have to make it clear to him how you feel and how important a baby is to you, and he needs to 'man' up. You have given so much to him and his kids, it's your time now ... just hang in there and focus on a baby ... You just need your donor now. You can do it on your own if he doesn't come up trumps ... it is possible!!! I'm rooting for you.


----------



## LellyLupin

Thanks girls, I have laid it on the line and told him that unless his attitude changes I will be changing mine.  I have already sorted out a place to stay if it comes to it.  I told him that his kids are almost grown and its my turn now and if he can't put us first from now on I will go it alone.  He has apologised and we have had an indepth conversation about the maintenance situation and the mobile phone he is paying for, its all around guilt that he is not there,  that he feels that if he doesn't do these things then the kids won't love him anymore.  I told him its time he felt some guilt towards the situation he has left me in,  never mind two kids who quite frankly have been spoilt rotten over the years.  I won't let him use that excuse anymore its old and tired, it may have worked in the past but quite frankly I have had enough.  I have told him in no uncertain terms that I won't be second best anymore or  treated like an idiot from whom secrets can be kept,  and that if he doesn't change and right now I am not going to be here,  and he will lose his future while he is clinging on to the past.  He was arranging a wedding for my 50th and I have told him to cancel everything (the shock on his face) and that I want access to his bank account records and his phone so he can't hide anything ever again.  Hes going to America next week with work and I have told him that he needs to have a good think while hes out there about what he wants and priorities, and that I will also be thinking about what I want.  I have spoken to his Mother and told her that I may not be in her life if things don't change,  so everyone is aware that I have reached the end of my patience and she agrees with me that its time I was first for a change.  Since then he can't do enough and has got paranoid that I have someone else lined up    Not my style at all.  I have finally realised that its me who has to change and stop being so understanding,  and that I have to demand that I am first and foremost.  For 15 years I have bent over backwards to accommodate his kids and exwife and I have never made any demands to be first,  because I have understood that that's the natural order of things while kids are young.  Now the kids are 15 and nearly 20 I believe he has almost fulfilled his duties and its our turn now.  Time for me to stand up for myself and lay down a few ground rules.  I must admit I have never seen him scared before but he is, he has offered to pay for the IVF himself (a first) and is running around after me, he even came back from Chester early to be with me.  He even admitted that he wouldn't have all the things he has without me and that's a first too.  Now he earns a lot more than me I think he got blasé about having to tell me things that were going on.  Hes had it far too easy because I have always been so good about things so hes had a shock that I have suddenly turned.  I feel better too, I feel free because for once I have made demands and I never do that.  It was quite liberating to realise that I don't have to put up with it anymore.  Lets see what happens.


----------



## deblovescats

Lesley - I applaud you so much - good on you girl. I am keeping everything crossed for you. You did a great job - I'm proud of you. You so deserve your baby!


----------



## LellyLupin

Thank you Debs - I am having this baby with or without him, I deserve it, I am owed it and I am damn well going to have it!  I am also going to name it whatever I want and it will be brought up to be respectful,  caring and above all it will not be a spoilt brat and DP and MIL will just have to play by my rules for a change or not be part of it.


----------



## artist_mum

Blimey Lesley!  You're right on the case!!!  I'm so pleased for you and delighted to hear you so empowered.  I can totally relate to what you say: doing the right thing for others for so many years, and finally saying 'NO! Now it's my turn'!  You go for it lady, we are all so behind you on here, and I know you can do this - there's most definitely change in the air...  Xxx


----------



## LellyLupin

There is Artist the worm has finally turned.  DP has been in America all week and hes been sending me lovely messages and said hes missed me and wants us to get married.  I have said no for the time being.  Just wish CARE would hurry up and ring its been 5 moths already and nothing.  How are you getting on?


----------



## artist_mum

Hi Lesley That all sounds so positive and your determination is clear.  You may find that all this stuff needed to happen to release something, somewhere... and that this precious donor egg will come to you as a result.  I'm praying for you but it sounds like you're right on the case yourself, sending your message loud and clear! AFM I'm 31 weeks now so last trimester and doing fine. A tiny bit of swelling in the legs but otherwise healthy and have just finished work which I'm glad of.  Starting to buy things now and get ourselves ready for the little lady 🙂.  Stay well, and I hope things happen soon for you xx


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## LellyLupin

Wow a little girl, perfect I am so happy for you Artist, you haver had such a journey.  Your pregnancy seems to have gone so fast, I am sure you don't think so though    Can't wait for you to hold her in your arms xx


----------



## artist_mum

And you yours.  Keep seeing it in your mind - holding your baby that is.  Thanks for your positive vibes and support.  Xx


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## LellyLupin

Still no match!  Whats going on.  How long did everyone else have to wait for a donor egg?  Why is it always me who seems to be at the back of the queue.


----------



## deblovescats

Lesley hun - I feel for you, I really do. Can't believe you're still waiting. I really thought there would be some darker haired donors as well! I only had to wait about 6 weeks, but my donor was fair haired and blue eyed. I had initial appointment early May and by middle of June, I had the match, so I was very lucky


----------



## artist_mum

hi Lesley, 

We waited 7 months before going elsewhere.  during that time we were given one match that we didn't feel was any good, didn't hear anything after that despite calling/emailing.  We had already paid out £1000 for their tests, mock cycle (which we knew we didn't need) etc. Went abroad to be treated nicely and pay half the amount.  So our experience was not great with that clinic (not written in my signature as we didn't even get to transfer).  I know it's different for everyone but that is the truth of our attempt here in the UK.  Maybe they're not prioritising the 'older' ladies, who knows...  from their statistics point of view, they want to get success every time so perhaps they prioritise younger ladies, I don't know.  

FYI From first enquiry to transfer is around 2 months at the clinics we went to (Greece, Cyprus, Barcelona).  Barcelona is a short flight away and they have many donors, so there isn't (in our experience) any wait at all.  Same with Greece and Cyprus, but a longer flight. 

Hope the above doesn't offend anyone,  but it is our experience and my slightly cynical opinion of what drives UK clinics...  

lots of love and good luck with decision making.  And i hope your donor is just around the corner and all this i've written isn't the case for you!

xxx


----------



## deblovescats

I think it depends on individual experiences. I didn't have to wait very long at all, despite my age, so I don't think that's what motivates all the clinics in the UK, as I was 46 when I went for treatment. I have 2 children despite my age from embryos from same batch and have 2 frozen in storage, so I think that I've done well for their stats - lol! 
I think it depends on criteria that you want as a match.
I can understand how difficult it is to wait though.


----------



## Salad4

It took us about 10 months to finally get a match that we accepted. It wasn't a perfect match - good on the educational background, but physically less of a match to me.  Her hair type and eye colour was a better match to my other half and also my mother.  So some family resemblance, but less so me. Even if it is OE, sometimes there isn't so much physical resemblance. Anyway, 30 weeks now so not long to find out. 
Before that we were offered 3 matches that we rejected (after 7 months - probably about one a month). I had to chase before then to find out what the delay was and they needed me to fill in a matching form and have some blood tests.  So I kept speaking to the clinic to find ou t what was going on. They seemed fine with that (or at least didn't stop talking to me!) so I would say not to be worried about contacting the clinic and asking them what is happening and is there anything more that could be done.

AFM - pregnancy seems to be going ok. I seem to be a bit anaemia from my last blood test, but appointment with the midwife tomorrow so I will speak to her.

Hope all is well with everyone.  Artist - you must be nearly there.  Debs - planning for a third - how exciting. Hugs to everyone.


----------



## Racquel

Hi 
Plz can you tell me where you went for treatment as I went to treat miracle for my first only cycle and it failed.
I have had children in the past this a a second relationship I was devastated and the clinic were diabolical!
I'm now looking for a final chance to try and see you are pregnant.
Many thanks 
Racquel Gershon


----------



## deblovescats

Hope pregnancies going well artist and salad - how exciting! 
Racquel - I went to CARE Sheffield for my successful cycles and am planning to return for another one. Prior to this, I went to LWC Darlington, for a double donation cycle, one fresh, one FET both BFN, and had misgivings about clinic follow up. I can highly recommend CARE, but obviously do your own research. I think if you get a positive outcome, it can influence your feelings, but I am happy with the care there.
Good luck with your decision and sorry about your BFN.


----------



## fififi

Lesley - hope you get call soon xxx
We waited nearly a year despite waiting list supposedly only being 6 months long. I wanted donor over 5'6 tall & all were smaller!!! Physically not fab match for me but older own egg DD not really like me either except in mannerisms. Got to point where criteria was pretty open as long as it matched one of us just so we could proceed.

Hi to all - must dash as DD finally down for nap & ive 101 things to do !!!


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## artist_mum

On the age/UK clinics experience, I meant 'older' ladies as in 50 years old - not many people that age tend to cycle in the UK from what I see on FF and my experience was that they were not terribly encouraging to take you on.  I have wondered whether they don't prioritise those cases - when you would think that they would as the age limit puts an extra pressure on everything.  They told us it would be a 2 month wait so it was disappointing to find that wasn't the case.  I really hope they come up with the goods for you Lesley, if it was me I'd keep phoning!  Best of luck. xx

Salad - you're not far behind me...  I'm now 33 weeks and beginning to slow down a bit but otherwise all is well.  Good luck with everything including boosting your iron! xx

Raquel - don't forget that it can (and often seems to) take 3 cycles.  So one tack to take is using a clinic that offers cheaper 3 cycles (if money is an issue).  If you're happy to go abroad we like the Spanish clinic we used (Eugin) but there are loads in Spain and all good from what I read.  A top UK consultant (I saw him privately but he was at Hammersmith NHS) recommended Spain as a leader in IVF/good hospitals whilst saying that US was really the best chance (80% success rates but very expensive). Eugin appears to have around 60% success rates  think. Serum in Greece is also good for a more personal approach and for older ladies although they like to do a lot of tests and give you a lot of extras.  We didn't get on too well with Cyprus but that could be just a fluke, there are lots of people who liked it there and got success. Good luck with choosing. Don't give up if it's what you want! x  (PS success statistics are only a guideline really, and those are for donor egg, as you can't tell who they do and don't take on in the first place)

hi to fififi and debs.  Both kept busy with your 2 I guess! 

xxx


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## Claireu

Hello ladies
Lesley - can I please ask, which Care are you with please? I'm on the waiting list at Manchester - should hopefully be at the top of the list - I'm still being told it's 6 months. We're waiting for an exclusive donor with proven fertility - preferably over 5'6" which seems to be the issue - I've gone down to 5'2" previously so that's not the deal breaker. But we're only looking for brown hair and blue eyes but pale skin - seems like there's none of those lovely ladies about any more!!!
Our first cycle it was a matter of 3 weeks - but that was shared. My other two donors have taken a lot longer - 4 months and 6 months.
The wait is killing me!! I'm going to be 50 in 10months and I'd love to think I might be pregnant before I'm 50!!
Hope you're coping ok with the wait
Claire
x


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## miamiamo

Claireu - keep all my fingers and toes crossed for a positive outcome


----------



## LellyLupin

Claireu I am with Sheffield.  I have been waiting since December  , I have only asked for dark hair and dark eyes and medium skin, I would have though that would be pretty common. I haven't been too specific with anything else because my DP is 6ft 4.  I am 50 in a months time and I hoped I would have been well pregnant by then    I must admit I am losing patience now but don't really know what to do as to start again with another clinic I would waste even more time.  I am a bit disappointed in Care if I am honest as there is no communication, I thought they had forgotten about me so I called them but they haven't they just said they hadn't found a match which I find pretty hard to believe.  xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Quick update.  Out of sheer frustration I rang CARE Sheffield again today to see where we were with a match.  They said the reason they had not been in touch is because I had asked for a blood group match to me and DP.  They said they did not know DPs Blood Group  , so why did they not ring me and ask!  They said they had found me a match but she did not match my blood group and they did not know if she matched DPs so they didn't send it.  I am speechless as to why if they were unsure they did not ring to ask what it was.  Anyway I have told them to forget the blood group match and send me what they have as I am getting older by the minute.  The reason I asked for a blood group match is because I am unsure as to whether I am going to tell the child they are donor,  and I did not want them getting a shock if they couldn't possibly have come from me and DP, did anyone else ask for a blood group match for their donor?  So apparently I am at the top of the list so things are moving at last


----------



## LellyLupin

I meant to say that last time I rang Sheffield and asked if there was anything holding up a match they didn't mention the blood group they just said they hadn't found anyone with dark/eyes otherwise I would have taken the blood group off months ago.


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## artist_mum

How frustrating Lesley. But at least you've clarified it now.  I also said I didn't mind on the blood group and as I'm now finding one of the reasons for wanting a specific group is so that you dont end up with a non matching blood group on the rhesus + or - front.

. So in my case the baby could be a different rhesus  to me because the donor is. I won't know until the baby is born.  I was offered the shot (blood product injection at 24 weeks or so) but declined it because for all we know the baby will share my rhesus group.  If she doesnt, there is no problem for her but if I had another child it may be affected as my body could reject it.  My option now is to check her rhesus at birth and if different I can have the blood product then. Or don't have another baby!

I took the decision, at this age I'm at, to focus everything on this baby and my health - rather than planning further ahead.  And not letting anything stand in the way of this dream.  I wanted the clinic to have as much leeway as possible.

I really hope you'll get your match very soon, 
Lots of love xxx


----------



## deblovescats

Lesley - how frustrating for you. At least you now know what the hold up was. I can't believe that they didn't tell you the reason. I didn't specify a blood group but for some people, it is important. Both my donors were A+ and I'm O+. However, a child born to A+ parents could still be o as it is a recessive gene, so they could be AA or Ao. The joining of both 'o's from each parent would result in an O child. My mother is A+ and my father did not know his blood group! 
I really hope you can move forward on this Lesley.
Artist - I'm hoping it all goes well for you. I think the thing to do is not to think too far ahead!


----------



## LellyLupin

Its all so confusing.  I am A+ and DP is a something Rhesus Negative, we are finding out this week.  I have printed off a chart which tells you what two blood groups will produce,  so I am going to check myself any potential matches they send me.  DP does not want to tell the child its from a donor egg so I guess it is more important than I first thought.  Its a minefield isn't it.  I just want to get on with it, I am excited as they did at they had a potential match so I am on tenterhooks now.  

Artist I didn't understand the blood product  thing you said what does it mean, what does it do?  This is all very interesting to me.  Hope you are feeling ok and blooming in your long awaited pregnancy x


----------



## deblovescats

It is very difficult to decide what to do for the best. Lesley - I don't understand why Chris has an issue about revealing DE (I could understand him having a difficulty with DS). However, you need everything to be ok. Hope your match works out. I think the injection is vitamin D and it is important as a baby with a different rhesus group to mum can have problems as a newborn - I think it is haemolytic jaundice of the newborn (don't quote me) which can affect all the organs. Years ago, an aunt (sister to my dad) had 3 surviving sons and a daughter who died a few days after birth as a result of mum being rhesus negative. This was in the days when it wasn't as widely known about. This was before I was born though so I only know through hearsay. I understand if she'd had a blood transfusion at birth, she would have survived. I am rhesus positive and my sister is rhesus negative, so if she had had a child she would have had this issue to resolve.


----------



## LellyLupin

Hi Deb, its because he is frightened my side of the family will treat the baby differently to one of their own.  We have seen this with the child my brother took on, my Mum treats him differently to our blood nephew and we want to avoid that at all costs, I do think they would be less interested in a baby not genetically related to them sadly.  There would be no problem with his family as they will all be genetically related.


----------



## artist_mum

hi Lesley
Just to clarify - if I am rhesus negative and the baby is rhesus positive (which may or may not happen) then my body will release a load of antigens to combat the 'invaders'.  Which is fine for this baby as the baby will be born already when that happens.  However if i was to have another baby then those antigens would be there and could attack the next baby in the womb.

To avoid that happening you can receive what is actually a blood product - so it is someone else's blood (not vitamin D) and you have it injected in to you to prevent this happening.  So i could have had it at I think 28 weeks (but i declined at the last minute because we don't know if I actually need it and nor do i know if i will have another baby.  I deduced to just focus on me and this baby for now!).  Or you can have it at the birth, if they test the baby and check if it is the opposing blood group.  If it is, then they would give me that blood product then.  So just like taking any blood product (infusions) there is a risk attached although the consultant told me that they've never had a problem with cross infection.  However as you can imagine I didn't want to have an infusion lightly and have decided to check if the baby actually is a different rhesus or not.

The consultant actually said that is it a minor issue and that with the second baby it might just be jaundiced and by the 3rd baby you might have a risk of death to that child.  He intimated that they will be discontinuing this practice in the near future but I don't know any more about it

Sorry to hear it's still difficult with making all these choices.  I think for me, i got to the stage of going for it and work the other bits out later because to be honest with our maternal ages, it will be pretty clear to most people that it's donor egg.  Very rare to have own egg at 50!  But if you can hoodwink the family then I suppose that's an option.  But then not telling the child...?  It will surely come up with medical things in the future (as you can't rely on your history in the same way that mine is not valid for this child..).

I so hope you get to move forward soon, i think all this waiting time is not helpful.  Although i suppose it gives a chance to get your head round this stuff.  Good luck Lesley.

I'm having a c section this wednesday due to low placenta!  So will be off the radar for a bit...  but thinking of you and hoping the time comes v soon now.

with love xxx


----------



## fififi

Artist - how exciting that you re metiendo your lo on Weds. Hope birth goes smoothly and you aren't in hospital too long.
Will be thinking of you. Huge huge hugs xxxxx


Lesley - most frustrating the clinic didn't say anything before now about blood group. Hopefully all this delay is because the 'right' donor wasn't there and when you are finally matched fate will be in your favour. It certainly owes you so hope for once that happens    
Most men have no idea of their blood group and unless you get pg most women don't know theirs either. I haven't a clue what either of my parents is so not so convinced it really matters.
As for being older - again majority of population who've not been tortured by infertility don't really know that a natural pregnancy age 45+ is most likely to be via a donor or with previously stored eggs/embryos so I think you could perfectly easily keep the conception part to yourselves even being an 'older mum'
Hugs hugs hugs - you'll get there soon xxxx


----------



## LellyLupin

Artist - that clears things up I totally understand it now, I was not aware of it before.  So many things to consider.  Sending you lots of prayers and love for a smooth birth on Wednesday, can you believe that the day is actually here?  Amazing and so exciting, you are going to be a Mother at last after the rollercoaster ride of stress and longing, I am so excited for you  

Thanks Feefs I hope I get a match soon too.  Yes I was shocked by the blood group thing, I just want to make sure that the child doesn't get a shock if we don't tell them as I think that's the decision we will come to for family reasons.  I am not looking forward to any questions if I do manage to fall pregnant, I wasn't too bothered when I was still in my 40s as its not so unusual then, but I am fifty on Friday and as Artist says its less believable.  The reaction I am most dreading is my MIL I can just see us having a major fall out and a family rift.  Why can't things just go smoothly for a change.  xx


----------



## Maggiephatcat

Hi ladies   


It's lovely to see a number of you have achieved your dreams on this fabulously supportive thread   


However, this is just a gentle reminder that pregnancy/baby chat should be limited on any threads within the 'starting out' board. As I'm sure you can appreciate many members who may want to join this thread are either still trying to conceive or have recently received a BFN.
Please let's keep this thread a place where members who need support after a BFN, feel they can join without the upset of too much baby talk.


Thanks for your understanding.


Maggie
Forum Moderator
xxx


----------



## nicky_nacky_noo

Hi everyone,

I've just found this board. Hope it's ok to join?
We've just had our 5th DEIVF. It's 9dp5dt and I decided to test - BFN   
It's my 42nd birthday tomorrow and wanted to test a) to see if I could have a glass of fizz tomorrow and b) OTD isn't til 14dp5dt which I feel is really late.

I've resigned myself (and our savings) to another go, but it's still so hard and frustrating. Clinic/s just keep saying if I got pregnant once (mmc @ 10 wks) I can do it again, but I keep wondering if there's something wrong with me? 

Also, what's the point of carrying on with pessaries/progynova? 

NNN x


----------



## fififi

Hi Nicky - sorry to see you are needing to join this thread but hopefully you'll find hope & support xxx

I say hold back on the fizz as its much too early to write this cycle off & you'd feel really bad if you get happy surprise in few days time & start worrying.


My clinic always gave a long OTD in relation to other clinics & did a trial to see whether that length was needed and found that yes many ladies didn't get BFP until then. 
It's hard when you're not sure but I am an example of total doom & gloom who only took hpt so could 100% confirm with clinic even though I was 'certain' it was a no ... and discovered 2 lines!!!!!
So my advice is don't give up hope yet - and will be crossing fingers & toes you get a late birthday surprise xxx


----------



## nicky_nacky_noo

Thanks Fififi!


----------



## LellyLupin

Hold the fizz Nacky there is time yet!  Happt Birthday by the way, fingers crossed that you will get a lovely after birthday surprise xx


----------



## LellyLupin

OMG I have been offered a donor, they have given me 48 hours to decide if I want her is that the standard time they give you?  I have only just heard so haven't had time to discuss it with DP yet.  Here we go!!


----------



## LellyLupin

Having a massive panic - whats wrong with me I have waited all his time and now I am having a huge wobble


----------



## nicky_nacky_noo

I don't think I was ever offered a time limit lesleylupin, just took it straight away. I don't blame you for having a wobble, but I'm sure once you talk it over with your partner you'll feel lots better. It could just be the excitement and reality of it all? You can always put it on hold and stay at the top of the list if you need a bit of time to let it sink in?

Ps you were right about the birthday surprise.


----------



## LellyLupin

Nicky are you saying you got a BFP?  If so whoo hoo !!!!

AFM feeling no better this morning as as soon as I told DP we had a match he went really quiet and didn't speak to me all night.  I asked him what was wrong this morning and he said he doesn't think he can go through with it.  I am so confused now, I have waited six months for a match and now its here its all falling apart.  Last time we went to the clinic he seemed pretty ok with it all but last night he didn't sleep and wouldn't talk and now he tells me he is not sure he wants to go ahead.  We are at work today so I can't talk to him till tonight.


----------



## nicky_nacky_noo

Oh no Lesleylupin, that sounds so difficult. Good luck for your chat tonight and you get to come to conclusions/decisions that you are both happy with.


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## LellyLupin

It looks like we are back on track but its blatantly obvious he is not happy.  If I am honest he has never been happy about it which knocks my confidence with regards to if I am doing the right thing.  Instead of focussing on the good things I start to focus on what could go wrong and am I going to ruin our lives by forcing him into it (even though he forced me into the situation in the first place).  I am so very tired of thinking,  I really am


----------



## nicky_nacky_noo

Aw, bless you. What a tough day you've had. I hope you sleep well and things look better in the morning. We had to go through implications counselling when we started our donor journey. I don't know if you guys have had it, but it's really worthwhile if not. Stay strong


----------



## LellyLupin

Got my donors pen portrait today, she sounds just like me, she even writes like me.  DP is still being very grumpy and withdrawn, I wish he was excited I feel like I am forcing him into this but what can I do.  He makes me feel like I may ruin our settled life, I feel like I am alone in this like I did the last twice I did it. 

One question I have is I thought the donor was none contactable but shes written on her pen portrait to the child 'if and when you feel you might want to meet me I look forward to hearing from you'.  I thought by law this was not allowed?


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## fififi

Lesley - keep strong & go for it!!!
Totally normal to have panc/wobble at this stage - it's when it becomes real. However once you're cycling it will make you feel back involved. From the minute those embryos are developing in the lab you will quite likely feel no different to any previous cycles except for fact the chances of success are way, way higher   

Re donor pen portrait. They can say if they're happy to meet any child with genetic link to them but are not allowed or able to make contact themselves. If at 18 a child is aware of being donor conceived they can contact the donor registry to get details of the donor if they chose to.
I think it's a good thing that the donor has put this. It shows that they've gone into the process willingly & have considered how they'll feel in the future too. Obviously a really caring lady who wants someone else to experience joy of a family. 


Hugs hugs hugs xxxxx


----------



## fififi

Nicky - is it good news?!!!!!
Hoping so as I'm feeling all excited for you & hardly know you!!!!!!


----------



## Salad4

Hi Lesley - my partner and I had exactly the same reaction. He went into near meltdown and I was worried the relationship wouldn't last. We had some couples counselling for a few months and now we are ok. I think it is just a bit of a shock for them - I've found that he has been a couple of steps behind me most of the way in terms of working through the emotions and practicalities. Though now he may be catching up. Good luck - I hope it is moving forward. 
Nicky - is it good news?
ArtistMum - how are you getting on?  When do you come out of hospital?
Saladx


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## LellyLupin

Thanks for the reassurance girls, I was surprised to find that I also had a wobble about it all.  I feel like I have waited so long I must have been getting to the resignation stage,  and then to get a match threw me into a spin.  I know DP has never been happy about it.  At the moment I still haven't accepted the match as DP is trying to find out his blood group as hes now saying he wants to make sure we would be able to pass this child off as our own. He is adamant we are not telling the child it is DE, absolutely adamant.  The Donor is O Positive and I am A positive so we need to know DPs (even though we told the clinic we weren't bothered).  Hes also not happy that she has freckles and no one in our families do, I told him we will never get an exact match and to me she is close enough.  I am hoping all our emotions will settle down once we get going, I was relieved that you all more or less had the same reaction when getting a match because I thought it must mean I don't really want this, I have been pushing the clinic to be matched and then went into a panic  

Come on Nicky spill  

Lovely to hear from Sally and Feefs - my old FF allies xx


----------



## nicky_nacky_noo

Hey everyone,

Yup, got my BFP on my birthday so I'm technically 5 wks 3 days. Got early scan on 11th, so trying not to get too excited until we get over the next hurdle of seeing the heartbeat. 

Lesley, that's good dp is getting on board and you're right, even children not born through DEIVF can look very different from their parents. My aunt and uncle have black hair and my cousin is a real redhead! I'm a big advocate for telling children about being DE conceived, but that's purely my personal opinion and you guys have to do what's right for you and your baby, so no judgement from me! Xx


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## deblovescats

Congrats nicky - hope you have a healthy pregnancy!
Lesley - I can see where you're coming from. A baby can totally not look like it's parents even if from OE. My mother has freckles and had red hair when young. She has hazel eyes as does my sister. I was the only fair one as sis has dark hair and father had brown hair. I was platinum blonde as a child. My maternal grandmother had the fair hair her side of the family and the blue grey eyes. It's amazing how many people think James and Lydia look like me.
As for the genetics of blood groups. From my 'o' level biology knowledge, I think blood groups have two letters so O is from a recessive gene so to be blood group O, you have to have inherited 'oo'. If you are A, you can be Ao or AA. Blood group B can be Bo or BB. I am O + so must be oo. My sister is O - so again must be oo. My mother is A so she must be Ao as we must have inherited an 'o' from her. So my father could have been Ao or OO. I don't know if this is any help. So even if both you and Chris are A, it would still be possible for you to have had a baby who is O naturally. So if the baby inherits the donor's O group, it could still be yours.


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## LellyLupin

Nicky I have to give you a      its tradition!  Congratulations I hope you this pregnancy runs smoothly and you get your little miracle at the end of it  xx

Thanks Deb  I am praying that DP is an O if I am honest.  I think I have changed my mind a bit on the telling the child its DE, I just don't want it to get any shocks.  DP is dead set against it though even though he would be genetically linked, he doesn't want the child to possible reject me.  Its all so complicated with the bloods I hadn't even given it a thought to be honest,  it was Artists post about rhesus positives and negatives that triggered me off.  On the freckles front my donor has dark brown hair,  brown eyes and olives skin but freckles too, I have to say I have never seen olive skin with freckles in my life.  I have no freckles.  DP is blond, fair and blue eyed so this baby could look like anyone and still fit in.  In my mind I am not too concerned with the looks I will just be happy he or she won't inherit my migraine condition, terrible eyesight and horrible feet


----------



## nicky_nacky_noo

I knew I was too soon in posting. Cramps and heavy bleeding tonight. Will phone hospital tomorrow, but doesn't look good.


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## artist_mum

Hi

Nicky I'm thinking of you and praying it will be ok. It can happen - to get bleeding and still be alright.  I so hope this is the case for you x

Lesley - gosh, it's all happening isn't it! Stay calm in all if it is my advice.  One step at a time.,,  it's great that you've been matched.  I wonder if some of this 'hesitation' is actually fear that by going ahead you may be disappointed? You know, like a fear of going forward. Perhaps same fir your DP? I was mindful in my case that my DP had a failed marriage and was devastated to become the non custodial parent, he missed them terribly.  So naturally he would be scared to go ahead with another child.  But at that point, whilst supporting his feelings I became clear that I wouldn't let his fears prevent me...  he is happily engaged with it all now! I don't know your bloke of course, but just a thought.  Oh and on the rhesus, by a stroke of good luck our LO is also negative like me.  I think sometimes you have to make a leap of faith and trust  it will work out.  And I'm the telling/not telling my guess is that in 15 years time this will all be far more out in the open & there will be lots of donor kids - so it may be far more obvious to people when a child has been conceived later in life that it's donor.

Wishing you lots of luck and courage Lesley, keep going!! Xx


----------



## artist_mum

Forgot to say:  hi salad, we stayed 3 nights, then home then readmitted for a night but now back home and doing fine thank you.  How are you getting on? Xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Goh Nicky I hope everything is ok, praying for you and your partner   

Hi Artist, I think you may be right,  DPs experience of children is his wife running off with his friend taking his 4 and 1 year old with her.  His experience of their childhood is stress, arguments, guilt, running around, lack of freedom and fear of losing them,  so there is no wonder he is terrified to do it all again.  This time though he will have more control over things.  I think my fear is the unknown and that it may pull us apart.  This is definitely my last go at it, if it doesn't work I will try until there are no frosties left (if we are lucky enough to get any) and that's it.  I need to move forward with my life as I fell like I have been stuck since we started all this.  

Great news about the rhesus that is great news.  Have I missed your post on how it all went?  Are you and the baby ok?  Did you get a son or daughter?  How does it feel to finally be Mum and not stepmum?  Here is the     I have been waiting to send you  xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Nicky are you ok and coping?  Sending you a  

So I accepted my donor, just found out that DP is O Positive the same as the donor, therefore the baby will be O Positive too.  If I were the mother with A positive blood there would be a 25% chance with DP that the baby would be O Positive so everything is OK.  Must admit I am very very nervous now


----------



## nicky_nacky_noo

Hi Lesley,

I'm coping ok - lots of practice! 

Glad to hear you've accepted the donor. Having read your previous post, I can totally see why your dp was having reservations as he's really had a hard time in the past, hasn't he? 

We're at the top of the donor list at our local clinic and had to put match on hold whilst we had this NHS attempt, so hopefully it won't be too long til we can try again. Our feelings/finances are one try at this clinic and one abroad and then we need to call it a day.


----------



## LellyLupin

Glad you are coping Nicky, how long will you have to wait till you try again?

Don't feel too sorry for him,  the reason we have no children together is he had had a vasectomy and didn't tell me when we got together.  I tried for a baby all through my mid to late 30s and all the time he knew I would fail and said nothing.  I didn't find out till I was 40 something and then I guessed.  He then had a reversal which gave him antibodies and of course my eggs were getting old.  So he may have had a tough time raising his kids but at least he got some.  Hope I don't sound too bitter but I am now 50 and still childless with all the issues DE brings with it.  Although I understand why he doesn't want to do it again I feel he owes me big time and should be more supportive, its been a struggle going through ivf with his disapproval and lack of support.  This is my last go as I feel the clock is well and truly against me so I will be devastated if it fails,  even though I am also terrified it won't as I am scared I won't cope at my age    I feel like I have been on a rollercoaster for the last 10 years


----------



## nicky_nacky_noo

Oh, ho, ho.... Boy does he owe you! He's a very lucky boy that he's got you. Sympathy well and truly revoked! You'll cope - it sounds like kids will be easier than the roller coaster you've had for the past 10 years! Xx


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## LellyLupin

Just waiting for the other person to share my cycle with and we are good to go, totally got my head around this now.


----------



## fififi

Yah Lesley - hope you get to start soon. Keep us posted xxx


Nicky - Been thinking of you xxx


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## artist_mum

fantastic Lesley. everything crossed for you. xx

Nicky - also thinking of you xx


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## Greyhoundgal

Just swinging in to say so pleased you have finally got your donor Lesley   You will be absolutely fine, I know it   Good luck with the cycle  

Artist - congrats on your new arrival  

Nacky - so sorry for your bfn....no words for it....all the hope we build up which is just sluiced away when you see the negative   thinking of you and glad you have a plan - helps to keep you going  

Hello to all feefs, deb and everyone else  

Grey xx


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## LellyLupin

Hi Grey - thank you I think I am the last of the originals to have a child (if I am lucky).  Hope you and the boys are doing well


----------



## nicky_nacky_noo

Erm, the bleed and tissue apparently didn't mean anything. Miracle of miracles, had a scan at 7wks and then a reassurance scan today at 8+3 and things ok so far!


----------



## LellyLupin

OMG got my cycling dates and am now having a panic.  1st August I start, so nervous now!


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## LellyLupin

Nicky - That's fantastic news!!!!


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## LellyLupin

Girls do any of you know if I could do a natural cycle DE IVF?  I don't really want to be taking all the drugs again and as I am not the one who has to produce all the eggs this time I wondered if I could do De on a natural cycle.  Does anyone know if its possible?


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## Salad4

Hi Lesley - hope all is going well.  My treatment with DE was fairly light touch - the pill to synchronise cycles, then down reg with a nasal spray, then they added in oestrogen (tablets) to build up the lining and finally cyclogest for the progesterone. So drugs, but no needles.  
Nicky - brilliant news.
ArtistMum- you must be enjoying your little girl now.
AFM - I have less than a week until my due date.  I'm trying to make sure I have as much as possible ready, but I'm sure I won't have everything.  It's just a waiting game now.  All has gone well so far.  I'm hoping labour will too (but I'm ready to roll with the punches as everyone says that it never goes as planned!!).
Salad


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## LellyLupin

Wow Salad only a week to go you must be so excited    .  I bet it feels surreal after all you have been through.  You will have to give us the updates once the LO is here.  I think I must be the last out of the originals to get pregnant (if it works).  I am going to ask the clinic if I can have the minimum amount of drugs.  I hope everything goes smoothly and you breeze the labour, they say you forget all about it when they place that baby in your arms.  

Artist how are you getting on, is motherhood what you dreamed it would be?  How are the steppies with the new baby xx


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## artist_mum

Nicky - I'm so thrilled to hear your news, what a roller coaster you must have been on.  Wishing you a smooth pregnancy from hereon 

Lesley - fab that you're en route now.  I have dine my donor cycles on minimum drugs - especially this last one which was like Salads with decaprptyl (to stop ovaries - instead of nasal spray) oestrogen patches and progesterone pessaries. I also had clexane (blood thinner) but this time I declined steroids (prednisalone).  Took zita West vitamins. And that's it! I trust you'll find the winning combo. Remember to trust your instincts -
Loads of luck coming your way xx

Salad - gosh you're not far off now, will be thinking of you. Exciting to meet your baby after such a long journey. I couldn't believe mine had really arrived at her birth, even now it's hard to believe!  Best of luck with the birth, you'll be great.  After all this time and Ivf effort... you'll def be great!

AFM not sure I'm supposed to write too much on here as need to be sensitive to others still on the journey but yes I'm finding it is everything I ever dreamed and hoped. I hope this inspires people to keep hold of their dreams, believe it and go for it. I must say that  breastfeeding is really hard and sleep for more than 3 hours in a row is totally elusive! My steppies are fine with everything and seem happy.The 13 yr old girl wants to learn everything (nappy change, pram pushing etc) whilst the 17 year old boy makes out he's not interested but secretly chuffed to have his photo taken with her.  So they're good but we haven't introduced overnights again yet as it's too soon for me (plus too noisy if she's crying etc) but they seem to understand.  We are trying to take care of everyone's feelings and I do make a lot of effort to support them when I'd rather be sleeping!

Love and luck to all
Xxx


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## Ljp64

*Lesley*
My cycles with DE were medicated but that was due to timings and fitting cycles around work holidays. My clinic offered non medicated DE IVF


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## nicky_nacky_noo

Lesley, I'm pretty sure my frozen DEIVF was unmedicated (just cyclogest and progynova if I remember rightly after transfer until test)


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## LellyLupin

I have asked if they will consider me for in-medicated but they said they don't offer it as a matter of course.  They are going to let me know.  xx


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## fififi

Les ley - am on holiday so not able to post much.
Thinking of you & crossing legs, fingers & toes that this is your time. (It certainly ought to be!!!!)
Huge huge hugs Xxxxx

PS meds will be much less than OE cycle whatever protocol you're given xx


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## LellyLupin

Thank you Feefs, I will keep you posted, just wish it was ll over and done with


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## Greyhoundgal

Lesley - not long now huni   I'm rooting for you and like feefs will keep everything crossed  

Lovely news Nicky  

Artist - great to hear its going well  

Salad - not long now  

Grey xxx


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## LellyLupin

Hello everyone thanks for rooting for me, I must admit I am very nervous as this is my last go.  I am a bit scared.

I got a call from the clinic they won't do non medicated DE ivf so I guess I will just have to go for it and hope for the best.  

Glad all you lovely ladies got your dream, I  think I am the last of us.  I was wondering if we should start another thread for those of you lucky enough to have had your dream come true, as I know on here its for those of us who haven't got there yet.  Then we could catch up without hurting anyones feelings.  I don't mind going on there even if its not successful for me.  Just a thought xx

Salad I have everything crossed for you chick xx Lovely to hear from you Grey x.  Hi Feefs xx


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## Salad4

Hi Lesley 
I was super nervous too (still am to be honest).  Just take it one step at a time.  I found I needed a bit of space to acclimatise, but I did.
I'm still waiting for the hospital to give me a time to come in to start induction (sigh...)
Salad


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## LellyLupin

Sally I am so excited for you , I really hope its all you dreamed of xx


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## LellyLupin

So today I got my paperwork to sign and I panicked and nearly ripped it up    I don't know what is wrong with me, did any of you go through this panic phase.  It is what I want because I panic if I think I am not going to have a baby and then I panic about panic about having one.  I am overthinking everything and driving myself insane!  

Sally any news chick?

Can I ask if any of you had two embryos put back in?  I don't know how many to go for.  

Hi to everyone xx


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## fififi

I had huge panic & like you had waited long time until finally able to cycle. Came up with lots of reasons why might be better to delay etc - when spoke to clinic they were not able to delay so had to go with original start date which suddenly seemed way too soon!!!! 
Think last minute nerves are normal. So much is riding on it that you become scared to try.

On paperwork I'd put you want upto 2 embryos transferred. That way once you know how many you've got and their grade you, with help of embryologist can decide what's best. It'll depend on quality and also whether you get to blastocyst & how many make it that far.

For me - on the most pants cycle ever!!! We only got 2 embryos so had a day 2 transfer of them both. Initially had expected to get around 3/4 to day 5 blastocyst. Had that happened I'd have had just 1 put back as statistically you've the same or better chances with 2 single embryo transfers than you have with one double transfer.

Hugs hugs & oodles of baby dust xxxxx


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## deblovescats

Lesley hun - it's natural to panic! I did - I think most of us do. I never really expected it to work but I think the enormity of how I'd cope if it did, overwhelmed me. I just said calming things to myself to say that it was what I wanted and if I didn't go for it, I'd regret it. I did panic as well as I knew I'd be doing it alone - and that was very scary at the time. Now, I know I can do it - and you can as well! You'll be a wonderful mum. You know how much I love my two - things work themselves out. I can't imagine life without them now.
As for the number - I think the clinic will strongly encourage you to have one put back - as they are really pressed by HFEA to reduce number of multiple births. I think the odds of it working with two put back are not much more statistically than one, and it can work! Twice for me! You have to consider how you'd feel if you had two put back and you had twins. 
Go for it girl


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## LellyLupin

Thanks Feefs and Debs I am much calmer now.  Not long before it all starts and I am getting my head around it and thinking of the future and not just the immediate fuss.  Been and had my blood pressure tablets changed to baby friendly, been looking up baby names and having lots of day dreams about what sort of person my imagined baby will be


----------



## artist_mum

hi everyone

A message for Lesley in reply to your question - i didn't panic because i did'nt really think about afterwards. Not in any concrete way anyway. By the 5th go i was just totally focussed on the tx day and the meds/my diet/staying calm etc rather than worrying ahead. So i just really listened to *both myself* and the clinic and made decisions one by one instead of stressing/focussing on the whole thing. So my advice is just take each bit a step at a time. Interesting i had the same experience as Fifi: every other cycle we'd had lot of embryos and had chosen the best and frozen some and had tx at 5 days. On this cycle we had only 3, one A grade and 2 not so good. We had 2 put back at 3 days and the 3rd didn't even make it to 5 days so wasn't frozen. I had the thinnest lining every, only 6mm. Also i had no steroids for the first time, and I messed up the progesterone the day after tx missing it (by totally oversleeping) for about 6 hours. Also our donor was age 34 when i'd been hoping for a younger lady thinking it would be more likely work.

So all in all, it's really out of our hands i think. Maybe that lessens the pressure?

One other thought for you. I figured that if i could take care of someone else's children amongst all the grief that came from that (their mother, finances etc) how much more blissful to take care of my own. You will be a fantastic mother and cope just fine with each stage as it comes. Or you wouldn't have done what you've done for your steppies. Do not fear on that count!

Lots of love and luck

PS hi to grey! forgot to say that before, nice to connect with you after some while.
PPS And by no means the least, thinking of you Sally Salad!


----------



## LellyLupin

Thank you for your kind words Artist.    I think you are right one thing us Stepmums have is endless patience and endurance    Hope you and your little one are fine.  I am going to see what eggs we get and how good they are before I decide how many to put back.  Its in fates hands, but one thing is for sure if I get a BFN and I have no frosties I will not be trying again - I will be done so it just better work


----------



## fififi




----------



## LellyLupin

So we are now all sorted, clinic went fine apart from a lot of extra costs added in, I know you can't put a price on having a family but I do feel they are out to squeeze every last penny out of you and they know you will pay it because you are desperate.

We had a huge row last night because I wanted to talk about if we did get pregnant and DP was just being so snappy and grumpy.  I ended up blowing my stack and telling him I wished I had walked away when I first found out he'd had a vasectomy and that I regretted staying.  I told him I was well aware of how he felt about it all and that I was under no illusion that it was the last thing on earth he wanted, but I was at the stage of no other options.  If I left him it would still be too late to have a family so I was staying with him to get what I wanted.  I know it was cruel to say but I was so mad, he put me here in this situation and I felt like yet again I was going to go through it alone (emotionally).  He ended up saying he was grumpy because he was terrified that due to my age and high blood pressure that he could lose me if I got pregnant.  I didn't believe that that was the reason he was grumpy at all.  Anyway in the end he was quite well behaved at the clinic despite not being happy about having to pay more again, although I don't know why he is bothered because I have saved up all the money myself so it doesn't really affect his finances.  He will never be happy with this situation but then again neither am I , I never expected that at 50 years old I would be going for a donor egg baby,  but this is where his actions placed us so the least he can do is suck it up and paint a smile on as far as I am concerned!


----------



## deblovescats

Lesley hun - I can see how upsetting it is for you especially with his behaviour! Believe me, he owes you big time. Deep breaths, sweetheart - you can do this. It's horrendous what we have to pay at clinics but when I look at my two sleeping like baby angels, it's well worth it. I never thought I'd be my age and having to go for donor egg, but it's how fate turns out sometimes. I'm 50 now and can't believe it sometimes, but I'm a mum of two and really happy to be so. Try and forget the age. I had a lovely day for James's birthday - not one person questioned that I was their mum - all the other parents never queried it, it was so lovely to have such acceptance. My pregnancies were fine despite my age - I was 47 and 49, and the midwife said I was an example to all her younger mums! 
I'm holding my breath for you!


----------



## LellyLupin

I know Debs I was just lashing out because of the years of frustration.  I do feel he has no right to be unhappy or snappy, I am the one who lost out on being a young mum, I am the one who will lose out at having Grandkids, I am the one who has paid for all our IVFs, the most he has had to do is provide the sperm, I feel he should be kissing my feet not snapping at me.  

I am going to do it, these kids are going to be mine, this is the hand that fate has dealt me so I am going to give it everything I have got.  I will be seeing you on the beach with my kids and we can all feed the ducks together  

Thanks for all your support Deb (and all you other lovely ladies)  I really do appreciate it xx


----------



## fififi

Lesley - think you need some big big hugs - wish we were nearer so I could come & shout at your DH too!!!!

You will be fine. Try & keep calm and ignore DHs behaviour for now.
My pregnancy complications were nothing to do with age.

Crossing everything for you. So hoping you get to feed those ducks with a little helper (or two!!!!) xxxxxx


----------



## LellyLupin

Thank you Feefs I would take those hugs


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## artist_mum

Hi Lesley
For the record and in case it helps you, I had a huge number of rows with DP in the months running up to our last cycle and I'm sure it's both the stress of it all but also the difficulty of a step family. (Plus I know your circumstances with the vasectomy give you good reason to feel extra resentful).  For years it is so one sided i.e. It's all about taking care of their kids, their previous life with all it's inconvenience when you're trying to move on together. And then suddenly with the Ivf it's not about them anymore or their kids.  It's about you. And about you two.  And that's quite intense.  Because there's no hiding behind the kids etc it's just you and him and all the truths you have as a couple.  It sounds very healthy to me that you're both expressing truths.  Then you cN move forward together whatever the outcome of the Ivf. Well that's my thoughts on it.
Stay cool and focussed. This one's for you! Xxx


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## nicky_nacky_noo

Lesley -  

Artist_mum - loved your post.


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## LellyLupin

Thanks Nicky right back at you xx

Roxy I know you are right, this is the first time its been about me and what I want.  I have lived DPs way with his kids for 15 years, I have bitten my tongue, been last on the list, inconvenienced, incredibly angry at times, wistful, upset that his kids aren't mine and generally felt like second best for our whole relationship.  It has been hard being a stepmom as you know only too well, that feeling of being a Mum and knowing that you are not and that at any second you could lose those kids if you split up.  The amount of times people have said 'oh well its not like you have no kids you have DPs', but they are never really yours.  Decorating nurseries, toilet training, making Christmas and birthdays special for them, trying not to resent the money going out of your account, trying to manage holidays around their schedules, living by an exwifes rules and timescales,  and all for the odd moment of feeling loved by someone elses kids is really difficult.  I love DPs kids, I am incredibly proud of what good people they are (despite not agreeing with a lot of their upbringing) but I want it to be real, to feel that I have a right to be proud of the child and that I can take the credit for them being a good person.  Although I know I have had an influence on DPs kids as I inherited them so young, I always feel a bit of a fraud when they do something good and people congratulate me, like I have no right to feel proud because they are not actually mine.  I feel envious that DP and the kids have the Familychat app on their phones and they all chat together but I am not included because his exwife is on it.  It makes me feel so excluded.  Only this week DP went down to his sons Navy base and his exwife was there with her husband, I didn't even know it was happening nor did I get an invite.  Its time I had my own family so I can experience all these things in the first person not as a substitute Mum when it suits.  I can't wait to put the Christmas tree up for my children, go to parents evening for the first time, watch them in the school play, get a real Mothers Day card and be the person that a child wants tell exciting news to first instead of the person who hears it last.  I am so ready to be a Mum and not feel like I am looking in as an outsider.  I know you will understand exactly what I mean by my ramblings as will the other childless stepmums on here,  I am so pleased you are now a mum in your own right and you finally get to feel first for a change xx


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## artist_mum

Lesley my good FF friend, I hear you  .  Totally. Every word resonates.  And like all the others on here, I am so with you, and so hopeful for you.  You've done so much for your stepfamily and for your DP.  And like me, you mustn't diminish your efforts - you are responsible for the stability in their life with you and DP.  And now, with all that 'in the bank' you're 100% right.. it's your turn, your time.  your family coming. Keep seeing it, visualise like you never have before, your little person coming to be with you...see Lesley the mummy with her kids..it's all possible.  And however and whenever it happens , just be open to your kiddo coming your way! Xxx

Nicky - hope all is good and calm with you  . Keep us posted! Xx


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## Salad4

Hi Lesley - you should have started your treatment now - I hope it is going well.  I had loads of panics and also just focussed on each decision. I had one blastocyst transferred - it was good quality and the Lister strongly recommended just the one.  Having seen one of the ladies in our NCT group coping with twins and knowing how hard it is with one, I think I would have struggled with twins, so the right decision for me.  But keep your options open until transfer.

AFM - in brief - baby girl born 30 July by c-section. It wasn't a good birth experience for me so I have been trying to heal myself physically and emotionally since then. I think I'm getting better, but it is slow. But all good really. 

I'm thinking of you Lesley and Nicky, in treatment.
And also Artist, fifii, and all the others who are now Mums. 

Salad


----------



## fififi

Congratulations Salad - hopefully you'll soon be able to forget the birth & enjoy your precious little lady xxxx


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## artist_mum

Hi 

Lesley i hope things are progressing ok, thinking of you xx

Sally - many congrats on the birth of your daughter.  That's lovely news.  I too had a c section and although planned due to medical reasons it didn't go completely smoothly and had implications Eg milk was late etc.  So you have my sympathy if things weren't as you'd hoped.  My advice is to take every bit of help you can get.  I hope you heal quickly and enjoy every minute of those crazy early days.  Lots of love xx

Hi to everyone else on here xx


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## Greyhoundgal

Lesley - thinking of you Hun   I'm so hopeful for you   Your DP I hope is stepping up to the plate and being supportive now  

Sally - congrats   Looking after yourself and do as artist says - take any help offered as you need all the rest you can get  

Hi to everyone else  

Grey xx


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## LellyLupin

Hello lovely ladies, I am now back off my holiday and I did indeed start my treatment (thanks for the support and good wishes).  I did have a little wobble and almost didn't start but then reminded myself of the years of longing.  I am now going to concentrate in losing some weight as I put a bit on on holiday and I want to be healthy before I have my transfer.

Sally many congratulations on your baby girl, how lovely to have a little girl.  I am secretly hoping if I am successful to have a girl, I think because I want the mother daughter bond that I did not get with my own mother (although I know it may not work out like that).  I am sorry the birth did not go as you planned I hope the hospital did not mess up.  Has having the baby been harder than you expected because you had a c section so its physically harder, or just in general?  I am a bit worried that I won't cope if I am honest, I am thinking only to put one egg back because of that and because I am not sure my body could carry twins.  Ladies with twins how are you coping with having the two?  

On the DP front Grey he has shied away from watching me do my injections, he physically recoiled.  I think its because he knows he put me in this situation and he feels very guilty, he is also worried about what all the hormones might do to my health.  His friend has had ivf and ovarian cysts and has just been told she has cancer and its terminal so he is freaking out that the same thing will happen to me.  This definitely my last go at full blown ivf, if I am unlucky this time and I get a frostie or two I will do it again, but if we get no frosties and I get a BFN its the end for me.  

Hope everyone is ok Artist how are you getting on with your little girl?  I have already been visualising mine lol


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## artist_mum

Hi Lesley
Great to hear youve got started, that's very exciting! Hope the diet goes ok and you'll feel healthy and ready to conceive/receive your LO. I understand the concern over drugs and how it may affect us. I've thought About that myself - but on the other hand I know of 2 people who had ovarian cancer and one had done IVF whilst the other hadn't.  so like most things in life, I think it's a lottery!  Anyway stay positive and sending you love and luck.
We are in our first holiday - wouldn't have had money to go now but a friend loaned us their holiday lodge in Sussex so DP had 4 nights away with his teenagers somewhere else last week and now I'm away with just him and our little girl for 6 nights.  I can't say all the step family issues disappear just cos of having a baby or that we don't still argue - but I do care less about bring involved with them now and am happy to leave DP to it. Should have done that earlier TBH. Good luck with these coming weeks xx

Sally - hope you're healing well, it took me several weeks to feel ok, hope you're quicker to recover! And hope you're getting on with feeding and sleep ok.  Big hug your way xx

Hi to others reading xx


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## LellyLupin

Hope you are enjoying your holiday Roxy, who would have thought you would be on holiday as your own little family unit.    I can't wait, I love my stepkids and its gotten easier as they have gotten older but I do still feel left out a lot and less important to DPs family as I don't hold the trump cards like his exwife does. I want to feel part of this family in my own right and maybe its all in my head but I still feel like DPs exwife holds court because shes the mother of his children so more important.

Going to have little rant now - I am sick and tired of thoughtless people making what I call 'childless pity digs'.  You know -  the sort women who think you are less important as you have not reproduced so therefore you couldn't possibly understand or have a worthwhile opinion on any subject to do with children.  This came from a good friend but really irked me.  We were discussing our childhoods, as some of you already know I did not have the best of childhoods, my parents were very good at providing clothes, food, shelter etc but there was no affection or encouragement or emotional support.  Nevertheless I love my parents unconditionally and the friend I was talking to had the same sort of upbringing as me, however she can't forgive her mother for not being up to scratch.  She then said to me that maybe I could forgive mine because as I was childless I therefore could never understand the urge to protect your child and put them first.  Honestly it was like a punch in the gut, I was so annoyed. What a stupid thing to say, I am so sick of people saying things like that to me, just because I have not had a child does not mean I am emotionally stunted  , its such a   thing to say to someone.  They really pee me off!  Rant over sorry girls.

AFM I was meant to go for my down regulation scan on Friday but I haven't had AF so I have had to cancel it, also I am a bit worried I am going to run out of Buserelin as they only gave me two bottles.  I am two weeks ahead of the other two ladies in my cycle so I am going to have to be on the drugs longer too.  Feeling ok though and still on my health kick, this kid is going to have a superhealthy mum!


----------



## LellyLupin

Just to say I have changed my profile name as I don't want people I know finding me on here, espesh as we are not going to tell our child they are DE (so far).


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## LellyLupin

Did any of you go for extended culture?  Just wondering if its worth the extra £450


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## fififi

Hi Lesley
Definitely worth going for blastocyst if you have that option. Lots of studies have shown that transfer of a good quality day 5 embryo is more successful as the embryologist has more info to go on so chances of a dud reduced.

Thinking of you & hoping things going to plan xxxxx


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## deblovescats

Lelly - I went for it and got 4 blasts. One is now DS, the second is DD and I have two in the freezer! So a good bet. Transferring 5 day blasts gives you a better chance in my opinion - I concur with Fiffi.


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## LellyLupin

Urgh migraine day today, just when I was feeling so good too.  Still on my health kick and doing my injections.  Down regulation scan now on 6th September.  I am going to go for blastocyst gotta give it everything this time. xxHope everyone is ok xx


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## deblovescats

Lelly - we're all rooting for you. I think blasts are the way to go!


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## LellyLupin

Just been told I am going to be a Great Aunt by my Nephew.  Very pleased for him and his wife,  but I still got that clench of the gut feeling.  They look so young and I couldn't help but have a moment of thinking how easy it is when you are young usually, they have only been married a year.  I also had that weird feeling of at my age I should be becoming a Grandmother not a Mother.  Emotional day really.


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## deblovescats

Lelly - hang in there girl! I know how you feel. It's taken me a long time to get my lovely little family, but when I was pregnant with James, my cousin's adopted daughter aged 19, became pregnant and her son (who she's since abandoned and he's now being brought up by her parents) was born 6 months after James. Then when pregnant with Lydia, their other daughter also aged 19 by then, became pregnant and her daughter was born two months after Lydia. So I felt that they'd stolen my thunder - and it pointed up the generation gap. I must say both were very excited about my babies though, to give them credit. It just made me think, but I'm not daunted, I'm going to enjoy every moment of motherhood - and you will too!


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## LellyLupin

I feel like I have been waiting forever Debs.


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## deblovescats

I really feel for you lelly and I know where you're coming from. You're on the countdown now - just visualise that little baby - you'll be able to introduce it to James and Lydia!


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## LellyLupin

Just scared myself by looking at pregnancy pictures and reading up on what happens, had a little panic of can I reallt do this!  I am all over the place as its getting closer.


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## fififi

You CAN do it and what's more when it happens you will LOVE it !!!!!

You've got Debs nearby & am sure you'll find other 'older mums' around once you're thinking/worrying less.
Focus on what you gained by not having had children young & how although young mums are lucky they also miss out on big chunk of what could have been a more 'fun' time for them had they waited a few years.


Rooting for you & so desperate to get to be a FF Aunty to your LO


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## LellyLupin

Thanks Feefs, I know I worry too much.  Not feeling too good on the Suprecur having lots of hot sweats and anxiety which is making me worry.  I will be fine I know I will and you will indeed be my LO's FF Aunt xx


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## deblovescats

When it happens, all your worries will melt away. Obviously, it was daunting at first - I couldn't believe it had worked and that I had a little life growing inside me. It's amazing and miraculous. Although I worried at first about miscarriage etc, I loved being pregnant both times. After all, I'd had all that time to wait for it! I was monitored more closely due to my age and having asthma, but I was absolutely fine and thankfully didn't get any health problems. I loved watching my bump grow, knowing that I was getting closer to welcoming little one! Don't get too hung up on reading it all up. Just take it a stage at a time. I concentrated at first on cycle, then first scan etc.
You'll be fine - and you have me and feefs! We've all been around on here for ages!


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## LellyLupin

I know Debs I don't know what I would do without you all, I'd probably be in the nut house by now    Just wanting it to be done, I am running two weeks behind the other two ladies so I am on the treatment longer than I usually would be.  Not enjoying being on the Suprecur at all, have a headache everyday and sweats every morning.


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## fififi

Drink lots of water & then more!!! Paracetamol although not the strongest can be taken upto 6 times day - I was advised to take paracetamol on a regular basis BEFORE headache came on so that if/when it did the pain was lessened.

Hugs to all xxxxx


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## LellyLupin

Thanks Feefs, just started bleeding on it too, I don't know if all this is normal I only stopped AF a few days ago and its started again.  I didn't have all this with my last cycles, maybe its because I am older now.


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## LellyLupin

I have a question from my over active brain.  For DE, if you get a frozen egg and want to go back to try again, do you have to go through the same palaver with drugs etc as you did before,  down regulation etc,  or do they just time it to your own AF cycle, defrost the egg and insert it when they think the time is right?

Thanks L


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## LellyLupin

Today I went for my down regulation scan which was perfect,  but when they did my BP it was too high so they told me that they may not do the transfer if the doctor thinks it too risky.  They asked me to see my own GP which I drove 2 hours home to try and get in to see this afternoon.  I did my bp on the machine in the surgery and it was still high so I got the GP to call me.  He then told me that the doctor at the IVF clinic should be monitoring my bp and telling me what drugs I should be on to regulate it, not him.  Anyway he upped the drugs I was already on, I then got a call off the clinic to say there was a problem with the donor so egg collection would not be for another few weeks so I will be on the ivf drugs for longer,  and that they are not responsible for my bp and its up to my GP to treat it.  Must say I am not that impressed with my clinic as I feel they aren't that bothered, especially as they called to me as I was going out the door to ask if I had paid my bill in front of the people in reception (I had).  I wondered if they asked this because they wanted to make sure I had paid so if they do call it off they will still have the money.  DP is not impressed with them at all because I had to tell them I was running out of Suprecur as they keep extending my treatment to bring me in line with the donor and not giving me more drugs.  This is definitely my last go at this as my body is not coping well with the drugs, although when I had ivf twice in 2012 I had no problems at all.


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## fififi

Lelky - sorry to hear you've had number of stresses today. Good that your DR scan was on track.
It's horrible when clinic & GP telling you different things. Makes me so cross that just cos we don't fit under the NHS local criteria for funded tx that even when you try & get support for an issue that's slightly linked you get the Spanish Inquisition & a no. Wouldn't mind if the infertility pot of money had already paid my/my friends share but since that didn't happen it pis!!es me right off when they won't fund a small issue.

I'm guessing all the stress & anxiety you're feeling causing high BP. Hope one of the specialist medical centres you went to gave you some tips on ways to reduce it not just fob you off.

Good news is - my successful cycles have always been those with the most number of hiccups en route!! Far better those hiccups are now than later on.
Pain you've got to cycle longer but maybe fate intervening to be sure your body truly ready xxxxxx


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## LellyLupin

Thanks Feefs, I have always had BP problems but both the Suprecur and the Progynova raises it higher, so my GP says its the clinics responsibility and the clinic say they are fertility experts not Obstraticions so they are not responsible its crackers, if I die form a stroke they will just blame each other.  I just got my drugs doubled again from my GP, I have tried all the usuals to lower it but to be honest its in my genes.  I know what you mean about funding, the amount of people who get it for free makes me so angry, I could never have it even when younger because DP has two kids.  Why this should affect anything is beyond me as we are not married so the kids are nothing to do with me legally, they are not my children as they already have a mother, and why should I as an individual because my partner had another life before he met me be penalised for someone elses life.  Makes no sense.


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## deblovescats

I totally agree Lelly. I think it also depends on your GP. I know the GP I saw was happy to help where she could with pre treatment blood tests etc. When I had previously visited Serum before deciding on UK, and Penny had advised a hysteroscopy (long story, CARE and GP thought it wasn't necessary, so I was sceptical about why I was recommended to have it) and GP said if UK clinic thought it was necessary, she would refer me urgently for the op on the NHS, so she helped where she could. However, I know some don't. 
I feel it's wrong that we're having to pay and yet GPs don't always want to treat something which is a pre existing condition. It shouldn't matter why your BP is raised, it's a GP condition to treat. It seems wrong that we're denied free treatment due to our age ... however, in North Yorkshire, IVF is not available on NHS to anyone!


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## Laquinn

Hi All. I'm a newbie. Got another bfn today  Been trying to conceive naturally at 44 for a year now after a miscarriage and stillbirth last year. I will be 45 this month. AMH is 5.3 and I have thyroid issues. I saw a fertility specialist who recommended IVF as a way forward. After reading through the threads on here I'm considering contacting Serum and Reprofit. Can anyone with experience recommend one of these or another clinic which is affordable and a good option for trying at 45 with own eggs?

Thanks! x


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## Salad4

Hi Lesley - sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I don't have any advice to offer, but I am following and sending positive thoughts when I can. DD takes up a lot of my time!!!
Laquinn - I only used UK clinics - CRM (now Care in London), Create and Lister. I would recommend the Lister, although it isn't cheap. I didn't get on with Create, because I didn't like Dr Nargund.
Debs - are you going ahead with your third round? 

I'm feeling a lot better after the c-section (it is almost 6 weeks now) and am getting the hang of the breast feeding, although it is still painful.
Salad


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## LellyLupin

Hi Sally glad to hear you are on the mend and getting better now, I was a bit worried about you when you last posted that you weren't feeling so good physically and emotionally.    Hope your little girl is all you dreamed of, I am sure she keeps you very busy.  I am impatient for it all to be over so I know either way which path my life is going to go down.  I think I just want to get on with things as I feel my life has been on hold since I started on this rollercoaster.  xx

Yes Debs I was wondering that too xx


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## deblovescats

Salad - congrats on your little girl! hope she brings you joy! I commiserate about the C-section - breast feeding is not easy with recovery from an op but I got there - you will too! I have almost decided to go ahead with another cycle - I am just waiting to hear back from the clinic. My plan is to try after Christmas when Lydia will be over one.
Lelly - I know how you feel about knowing which direction your life will take and I really feel for you. When my first two attempts failed, I decided to take a break for a while and the following year, I changed to a different clinic and this time was luckier. When I was on my 2WW with my 3rd attempt, I was making plans for if it failed, such as taking a course to maybe have a change of direction in my career etc or just for fun. I also thought I would have another attempt as I had frosties. However, I didn't need to go ahead as I got lucky! I'm keeping everything crossed for you lelly - I know you'll be such a great mummy!


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## Laquinn

Thanks Salad! Thinking about Serum - can't afford the UK...

Congrats on your wee girl. It's very inspiring to hear lots of positive outcomes on the forum. With my history the Ob has promised me a C-section but I'll go through anything to hold a living baby in my arms.


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## Greyhoundgal

Lelly - thinking of you hun   It sounds like you are having a rotten time with the drugs but hang in there   We are all rooting for you....is DP being supportive?  

Laquinn - I'm not 45 but we did use serum and loved them. After our experiences in the U.K. We really couldn't recommend serum highly enough   try a free phone consultation and see how you feel about it. We used OE and Penny is always open to OE.  And have a look on the serum threads too.

Salad - how are you doing? Big congrats  

Hello everyone else....sorry I've been a bit silent. Work is pants and so much to do at home sometimes I only have time to be a mod here and not actually to take part   anyway, I am here  

Grey xx


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## Laquinn

Thanks Grey! Definitely going down the Serum route   Just waiting on my latest thyroid test results.

Trying not to look at the stats for success with OE at my age!  

CD1 for me today - hoping we get a good egg this month and don't need IVF


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## LellyLupin

Debs yes you were lucky to get such beautiful babies, I hope I get a family but if not I am going to have to throw myself into something else and try and forget about family life xx

Grey thanks I am feeling much better now I have started the Progynova funnily enough.    The hot sweats have gone already and I haven't been on it long.  

Laquinn everyone is different so OE may work for you, stats are just in general but there are always exceptions to the rule.  I had two rounds of OE at 45, I had high fertility levels but unfortunately my eggs developed really slowly but that doesn't mean the next persons would.  I have gone to DE at 50 as its the best option for me now, it took some deciding but I think its important to try with your own first.


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## Laquinn

Thanks LellyLupin. It's great to have the benefit of everyone's experience   IVF for the first time is a bit daunting!  

I'd definitely like to try DE if OE isn't an option. How is your treatment going?


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## Honeybee17

Hi Ladies,

Would it be ok if I join your thread please? I've just turned 41, based just outside of london and just had our first failed IVF cycle.  

We've been trying for a couple of years but DH works abroad about 6 months/year so timing is challenging! We hoped IVF might help. There seem to be no particular issues. My AMH is 13.2 so reasonable for my age and FSH of 6.2 which I think is also ok. We cycled with a Lister satellite clinic and all went well until we seemed to fall at the final hurdle. We had 10 eggs, 9 fertilised, 8 going strong on day three so they went to blast but on day 5 we only had four embryos left. Two of average quality and the others less developed and didn't make it to freeze. We transferred both (1x 3CC and 1 x 4CD we think but they never wrote it down and it's just what we recall from the transfer discussion we had). We held out hope for a miracle but it wasn't to be. I suspect his could be an age related egg quality uissue but keen to try again with OE.  We're having a review mtg with the satellite clinic his week and also going to see a consultant directly with the Lister in early Oct (as we could save some money by going direct through access fertility for two fresh cycles) or the other option so to go to the ARGC. I'm really torn. On the one hand the ARGC has great results on paper but there's still no guarantee and we could do two cycles at the lister for less than one at the ARGC. Does anyone have any experience of these clinics for women of our age please without getting into specifics of consultants? Any pearls of wisdom would be so gratefully received. Thank you!


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## LellyLupin

Hi Laquinn first time IVF is a revelation, I have learnt so much from my experience and from the ladies on here.  When I first went for mine my consultant told me I had a higher fertility level than most of the young girls in the waiting room,  so I was absolutely confident I would get pregnant.   I didn't understand the difference between fertility levels and egg quality so I was so shocked when it didn't work.  I also produced about 41 eggs which at the time I thought was fantastic but its actually not,  it means I was showing signs of having polycystic ovaries.  It amazing what you learn.  I truly believe its just luck, you can have low fertility levels and everything going against you and still get a BFP, or you can have really good levels and grade A embies and get a BFN.  I am just in the middle of my DE IVF, I am going for a scan on Friday to see if my lining is thick enough, then egg collection from my donor is 26th Sep,  and then depending on whether the clinic is going for extended culture or not I should get the eggs implanted 5 days after that.  DE ivf throws up quite a lot of new questions, such as how will you feel about a baby with none of your own genes, whether to tell the child its DE or not and all that goes with the implications of each decision.  Truly no one unless they have been on this journey can understand the highs and lows of it.  The good thing is you will get lots of support and encouragement from those who have been there before you.  xx

Welcome Honeybee xx

Grey I forgot to say DP is being semi supportive,  better than he was before but not fully into it.  How are you getting on with your little ones, is motherhood how you thought it would be?  xx


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## Laquinn

Thanks LellyLupin. That's quite a journey you've been on so far. Everyone sharing their experiences is invaluable. I hope your IVF is successful this time but I can appreciate the new questions being thrown up must be a tough one to navigate. I read somewhere that the birth mother still has a lot of influence on the DNA of a baby conceived using a DE through mitochondria? It's the anniversary of our angel tomorrow and I found it comforting in a way to think that her cells are still in me and could help build a future baby. xx

Hi Honeybee. I'm a newbie too! I've decided to approach Serum in Athens for my first round of IVF.


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## LellyLupin

Laquinn I think you are talking about Epigenics, I did have a read up on it,  it doesn't mean any of your genes get passed on unfortunately but that your genes switch off and on some of the genes from the donor, its all a bit complicated.  I did hope some of my genes would sneak in there somewhere, I do know that my donor is very similar to me in her likes and nature etc,  and spookily her writing is so much like mine that when her Pen Profile fell out of my folder I thought it was something I had written.  Shes way more intelligent than me though and a maths whizz which I am definitely not,  so I am hoping my baby gets a lot of good things from her.  It was very hard not to feel a little pang of jealousy when on her pen profile she has written a note to the baby saying she hopes to meet him/her one day.  Silly really as she is doing me such a favour as she is a altruistic donor.   

You must be feeling very emotional about tomorrow, I can't imagine how you must feel.  My friend also lost his baby when his wife was 6 months, I remember how devastated he was.  Sending you lots of hugs and strength to get through the day   xx


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## Laquinn

Thanks Lelly.   It is all a bit complicated! But the baby will grow inside you and hear your heartbeat and voice. 

It is an absolutely heartbreaking experience - very sad time for hubby and I at the moment. Going away to be beside the sea where we scattered our girl's ashes.


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## LellyLupin

Laquinn hope you got through the anniversary ok xx

AFM went for my lining scan today - perfect.  Bit disappointed that I have to take the medication for another two weeks as I am still in front of my donor, a little bit annoyed too that I had to point out to the clinic that I would run out of Suprecur again in that time.  I feel they should have given me the correct amount of medication at the beginning as they knew I was going to be on it for longer than normal, instead of me having to mess about ordering it, trips to the chemist and stressing over whether its going to come before I have already run out.  I might sound a bit  petty but I feel like I have given them over £8,000 and they are not paying attention.  Nor did they take my blood pressure even though they know its too high.  Not feeling the care that they promise at all.  I also did not like the 'you are far too early' comment, when I got there 25 minutes before my appointment having driven for 2 hours in rush hour traffic to get there, surely being early is better than being late?  I thought I was being extra sensitive due to the medication but DP is also getting the conveyor belt feeling from them too.  I know others have had a very good experience at this clinic, but I haven't seen the same person twice yet so it feels very impersonal.  I truly hope I get a BFP to restore my faith in them.  Found myself looking at baby clothes today when I went to the shops for a new laundry basket, I don't even know how I ended up in the baby aisle, I didn't buy anything as I didn't want to tempt fate.  I have never done that before 

Hope everyone else is ok


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## Laquinn

Hi Lelly. It's been a tough week but still here xx  

Just waiting on my thyroid test results before I fill out the Serum questionnaire. 

That's good news about your lining. The meds and costs side of IVF sound like a nightmare. Hopefully you'll get that BFP to make it all worthwhile


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## magicpillow

Hi everyone.  I just thought I'd pop on and join you all.  I'm 41 and have just had a 3rd unsuccessful IVF.  We did two cycles of icsi with my partner's sperm (TESE retrieved) and I conceived on the first go but miscarried.  After the second cycle we moved to donor sperm and this year I did 2 iuis and a recent IVF.  The IVF cycle was our best to date with 10 eggs, 6 fertilised and I had 2 blastocysts transferred.  It was gutting that it didn't work.  We have our follow up on Monday and we are considering a 4th cycle though I feel like I can't face it again at the moment.  Wondering if the consultant may suggest donor egg.  I've love to still try with my own eggs though.  Adpotion is also a possibility.


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## pauli

Hi magicpillow, 
I feel your pain, sending you many hugs. This journey is so hard. Hopefully Monday will give you some answers. I am also 41 and had 3 unsuccessful IVF cycles. On first 2 attempts I had day 3 transfer (2 embryos each time), both BFN, no blastocysts. We changed the clinic for our 3rd attempt, and for the first time ever we got 3 blastocysts, mainly thanks to the clinic's amazing lab technology and a very experienced embryologist, possibly different protocol too. Sadly all 3 blastocysts were abnormal through PGS, so no transfer. 

I halve been reading a lot about PGS and I am torn; clinic strongly reccommended PGS at my age and my DH believes that's the right way to go. But I wonder if any of the embryos would make it once in uterus environment... a very small number of documented cases. What is your view on PGS? 

Hi to all lovely ladies here, I have been reading the chat for a while. 
@LellyLupin, I think you have been such a wonderful mum to your step kids and such a tolerating wife. I would never be able to do that. I really hope your DE IVF will be successful!!! This is your time, just hang in there... 

@Laquinn, you have such a sad story to tell, you are so brave. I hope the thyroid results are ok and you will be able to to plan your IVF. There is so much positive feedback about Serum on this forum, it looks like an amazing clinic. 

AFM - planning one more attempt with OE before moving to DE, probably in late Oct.    

Good Sunday to everyone xx


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## LellyLupin

Hello Magic Pillow your consultant may suggest DE, however I think you have to be fully ready in your own mind and  done with trying with your own eggs before you make the switch,  as it comes with a whole new set of worries.  I only switched when I knew there was no chance with my own OE and I had no other choice. I still think you are young enough to have a success with your own eggs.

Pauli I would go with what your consultant tells you, if your embryo did make it and you did get pregnant then possibly your child could have something wrong with it and that would be heartbreaking for you.  Its awful when you have embryos and they won't use them, on my first go I got one that could have been frozen but because I only had the one the clinic wouldn't do it, I often wonder if that could have been the one that did work and it was an OE too 

Thank you for your kind words they mean a lot  .  I do have a very good relationship with my stepkids, it has been very hard though and if I had my time over I would run a mile, however I must admit that when they do something thoughtful or send a text with love on it my heart does soar  .  On the patient wife front looking back I have probably been too tolerant and should have asserted myself and my needs far more than I have.  However we are where we are,  and I am so hoping I will finally get my longed for family, I daren't really plan anything as I don't want to set myself up for a fall,  but I have been looking at baby names and having a few little day dreams and I found myself looking at a pair of bootees the other day    Heres hoping we all get our dreams  

Debs are you ok?  How are the little ones and your Mum?  Not long for me now,  I am hoping we can meet up on the beach when I have my own little one in my arms xx


----------



## Laquinn

Thanks Pauli   I did read an article online recently that said PGS excluded embryos which could possibly correct themselves if given a chance in a uterine environment. Still waiting on my thyroid test results! My local GP surgery has had a computer system meltdown so results are delayed.   I think we might consider Create and Reprofit too - which clinic are you with? 

Hi Magicpillow. Sounds like you still have a shot with OE - are you taking any supplements to improve egg quality? I see your AMH has went up over the years!  

Fingers crossed for those bootees Lelly!   xx


----------



## pauli

Hi LellyLupin, how is your treatment going, do you have another scan planned? You are right, I should listen to Dr and trust the clinic. I guess I never been very good at it, and often wonder what if PGS is wrong. They test 3-4 cells from the outer layer of embryo. The argument against PGS says that all embryos have both chromosomally abnormal and normal cells, with older eggs the number of abnormal cells increases. Whille outer layer might show abnormality, the core of embryo could be ok? 

Hi Laquinn, hope you do not have to wait too much longer for the results. Our last cycle was at CFI in North Carolina, relatively new clinic, but team with a lot of experience. My sister had a treatment there, successful IVF at the first attempt, we have a 10 month nephew 😍 If our next cycle with OE does not work, we are going to the same clinic,  we will research clinics in Spain, Czech Republic and Greece for DE IVF. 

MagicPillow, how did your appointment go today? 

Good evening to everyone xx


----------



## magicpillow

Thank you all of you!  We had our follow up today and the consultant suggested we do another cycle (one final one) and thought I still had a resonable chance with my own eggs as long as I don't leave it too long.  She suggested Nov / Dec to cycle.  Will need to mull it all over as I'm still exhausted from cycle 3 and worried that I won't be 3 months clear of coffee and alcohol and all that stuff!  Was about to apply for jobs after finishing my uni course but now I'm wondering if to hold off.....lots to think about!

Hope you are all getting on ok. xx


----------



## magicpillow

Part of me feels like I can't face it all again and another bfn, knowing that it will then be the end of the road.  I'm very drawn to adoption but I think we need to give IVF a final try.


----------



## FJG

HI Ladies,
Mind if I join you.
I have just got a BFN. It was our 1st attempt at IVF as I had been in denial for last few years, problem is that now over 40 it complicates things as you all know.
My DH is keen to give OE another go but I am personally conscious of time, is it just delaying the inevitable?  We had 6 eggs retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized 1 5d blast 2 6d blasts but they were not of good enough quality to freeze.
What supplements can i take to improve egg quality?
There is also male factor which NHS didn't find out so went down that train for 1 year, nice waste of time that was.  He has antibodies that cause clumping.  
Anyway - coming down off the meds has made me vent.
Thanks for reading!


----------



## Laquinn

Thanks Pauli - got my results yesterday when I had to see my GP to get antibiotics for a urinary tract infection. Ovulation's due this weekend and I didn't fancy dtd with a uti! My TSH is in the right ball park but T4 a bit low, I see the Endo in October and hubby is wanting to try naturally for another couple of cycles before approaching clinics; I'm not sure we have time for that! I showed him the Serum video last night but and he's convinced.

Hi FJG. I read Rebbecca Fett's It Starts With The Egg which talks about supplements to improve egg quality like ubiquinol and DHEA. I started on the ubiquinol and it really messed up my cycle so I stopped this month. I got my testosterone levels tested and they were normal so didn't bother with the DHEA. My Endocrinologist says to keep things simple with my thyroid but I've read bfp stories from older women on here who've used DHEA and ubiquinol. I'm getting fertility massage to try and help with egg quality and was planning on doing fertility yoga before my urinary tract infection kicked in!


----------



## LellyLupin

Hi Girls  

Magic pillow I know you will be tired and emotional from your last ivfs but if you want to try again with your OE time really is of the essence, its surprising how fast things change.  My first ivf was in June 2012 and I got two good blastocysts from it but still a BFN, by my second ivf in October there was a definite change to how slowly my eggs developed,  however I was 44 so that would have made a difference.  I really wouldn't wait when using OE if you can manage another go xx

Hi FJG welcome to the thread x I would say it depends on how far over 40 you are when wanting to use your own eggs, you could still have a chance with your own eggs so I would give it another go if you can. My DP has antibodies too from his vasectomy reversal, that was the worst thing we ever did we should have gone straight for ivf.  We didn't find out for years that he had antibodies and it was only a throwaway comment that informed us of it.  The surgeon who did the reversal did not tell us that 70% of patients end up with antibodies, they just want your money. 

Pauli how are you doing?  Have you settled about the PGS now?

Hi Laquinn  hope you are feeling better xx

AFM just waiting waiting waiting and carrying on with injections and Progynova.  Took Dps daughter to the pics last night and the ticket guy asked how old my daughter was, she didn't correct him and say I wasn't her Mother so I was quite touched by that.  Especially as she is a leggy blonde and I am a short brunette    I can't wait to tell her if I do get pregnant, I  almost bought some bootees that said Little Sister on them at the weekend so convinced am I that I would have a girl.  I think the drugs are sending me crazy


----------



## highlandgirl

I am looking for anyone looking at the thread to let me know of any stories of ladies who have managed a BFP aged 47 or older having no previous children either naturally of via IVF but with OE?
I understand that it is rare however I already understand about DE my friend has DE twins so no need to remind me that option yields a greater chance but DH and I decided from the start we would only have our own biological child
xx


----------



## Laquinn

The antibiotics have kicked in - thanks Lelly. Fingers crossed you have a new addition to your lovely family soon xx

Highlandgirl - I know Create have had successes with ladies using OE at 47 and 48. 

My brother-in-law's aunt had a baby naturally at 49. A friend of a friend had a baby at 50 and didn't know she was pregnant 'til she gave birth on her living room carpet! On another forum someone posted stats for women having babies over 45 just after the war and there were loads of women having babies at that age then. Most women have children younger so that's what you see in the stats. 
xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Wow wouldn't that be good for it just to happen and you didn't know till you were in labour.    Lots of older ladies there having babies so there is hope xx


----------



## Laquinn

I know!   Apparently she though she had irritable bowel syndrome... The first thing she said was 'oh no - look at the state of my new carpet'   xx


----------



## deblovescats

highland - no experience personally on this, but I know there are women who have given birth using OE at these ages, and if that is the only option you will consider, it definitely is possible, but as you are aware, not very common. I know some clinics are reluctant to let women at this age, use OE as they're obviously concerned about their stats but go for it if it's what you want to do.
I gave birth at 47 and at 49 to my gorgeous children, but using double donation. Just to say it's getting much more common to have babies over 45, but not always OE.
Good luck


----------



## magicpillow

LellyLupin, thank you for the advice.  Although I feel like I want to have a break, I'm feeling well aware of my 41 years and maybe this is the time just to press on with it again.  In a way I'm tired of all the waiting and long gaps - kind of want to keep going despite my tiredness!  Been looking at sperm banks today to find a suitable donor and we might try for treatment with my end of November cycle.


----------



## LellyLupin

Hi everyone, can I ask if anyone suffers from High Blood Pressure?  The reason I ask is mine is high and I am told that the ivf drugs can make it even higher.  I am currently on 600mg of Labelalol a day but its not controlling my BP.  My doctor says its up to the fertility clinic to advise, the fertility clinic say its up to my doctor as they are fertility experts not doctors.    I don't know where to go next as I am worried now,  tonight my BP was 105/167.  My doctor says doctors do not use Labetalol and wanted to know who advised me to go on it, it was my original fertility consultant at a different clinic, as he said what I was on would cause birth defects.  Was anyone else prescribed a baby friendly bp drug?  Thanks x


----------



## LellyLupin

So got the call today that EC is on Monday!  OMG its finally happening.


----------



## fififi

Very exciting ... Will be crossing fingers, toes, legs & arms for you xxxx


----------



## Laquinn

Good luck Lelly! Very exciting! xx


----------



## Dolphins

Hi,

Can I please join you. I am currently researching clinics for donor eggs, for a 'longed for' sibling for my child that I had as a result of a 3rd cycle of IVF/ICSI, (4 failed cycles since), and have decided to go abroad, due to the cost implications, anonymity etc. and one of the things they are asking for understandably, is a copy of your medical records from your last clinic.  My last clinic was CARE, as anyone got any experience of asking for their medical records via a UK clinic? in particular CARE? And is there any forms you after fill in and send off for? Also does the clinic (CARE) charge you for your medical records? If so, does anyone know how much?

Thanks.

xx


----------



## artist_mum

Gosh Lelly that's so exciting - so pleased you're finally getting this chance! Sending relaxing and positive vibes. everything crossed for bp to lower, ec to go well and a good transfer when that day comes. Go girl! Xxx

Dolphin - we were never asked for notes from previous clinics and went to Serum, TeamMiracle and Eugin. I summarised to them in the initial consult what had happened previously. Easiest and cheapest and most professional was Eugin (Barcelona) but they only do a simple protocol (no immunes).  They only use drugs that are scientificslly proven to work (so no steroids). I persuaded them to give me a prescription for Intralipids however. It worked for us there - Our 5th Ivf.  Wishing you lots of luck. 

Xx


----------



## Laquinn

Hi artist_mum. I was considering going to Serum for my first round of IVF but see you had success with Eugin. Would you recommend Eugin over Serum?

Thanks.
xx


----------



## pauli

Hi Dolphins, I asked our UK clinic for the medical records after our 1st IVF/ICSI. It was not CARE though. They asked to send a request in writing with a cheque for about £30, can't remember exactly. I thought it was a bit pricey for photocopying 30 pages or so. I had to chase them twice and had to go in person to collect it. So the best is to call the clinic and ask. In principle you have a legal right to your records, it depends on a clinic how much they charge. Good luck xx


----------



## pauli

LellyLupin, hope all goes well tomorrow and you get a lot of mature eggs! And then good fertilization! Fingers crossed xx. Sorry, I cannot help with blood pressure meds.  

Laquinn, hope you feel better and the infection has cleared. Are you leaning towards any clinic at the moment?

MagicPillow, I understand your dilema whether to take a break or to go for the next cycle straight away. I think everybody is different. I have had no side effects from either downregulation or stimulation drugs, so found our 3 cycles quite easy from the physical perspective. I hope it will be the same for the next one ;-) We decided to do another cycle with OE and Dr in our follow-up appointment advised not too wait too long. I am also 41 (also nearer to 42 now). I thought AT LEAST 3 month break between cycles was needed. Dr advised MAXIMUM 3 months. I wanted 3 months break, not due to tiredness, but wanted my body to recover from all the drugs. And recover emotionally and financially too ;-) So starting the next cycle in 3 weeks' time.    

Hope everybody had a good weekend enjoying the last sunny days xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Thank you for the support girls, I found myself looking at baby clothes yet again today, I hope I am not jinxing myself   I am a bit worried about DP now,  the last time he had to go to give his sample he had to take the pot home because he was so nervous and couldn't do it at the clinic.  He will be too far away from home this time. Honestly the one job he has to do!  

Dolphin what did you think of the CARE clinic?  I am there now but not too impressed if I am honest, hoping I get a BFP so I don't have to go back there its a bit far on the travel front and work.  I was previously at James Cook Hospital and they were happy just to give me a copy of my records.

On the blood pressure front I went back to the doctors and used their machine in reception and my blood pressure was normal, if not a little low,  so I think my machine at home may be giving me false readings.  Must admit I was so relieved as I was beginning to panic that I would have to go back on my old tablets and they are not suitable for pregnancy.  I will go back in a few days and test it again on the doctors machine.

Pauli good luck with your new cycle I am sure you will be fine again  , I too was worried about side effects of the drugs as I suffer from migraine, but its been quite the contrary I have only had one mild one whilst on the meds.  Physically I have just been a little bloated and had headaches (but not migraine) and felt a bit unwell with hot sweats until I started taking the Progynova and instantly I felt fine.  Starting the progesterone suppositories tomorrow.  

Laquinn hope you are recovered from your infection now?

Magicpillow how are you doing?

Feefs, Artist, Debs, Salad heres hoping I am the last of the old school to make it to the baby thread


----------



## deblovescats

lelly - I am keeping everything crossed! I hope you have a good result from EC tomorrow, thinking of you and sending you hugs +++ You will also graduate to the baby threads!!! sorry you've had a few problems with CARE. This time, I'm having to chase them, I emailed Julie the donor co-ordinator with some queries and asking about another cycle, back in July, finally got an email saying she had been on holiday and would respond asap, still waiting ... so I have phoned CARE and advised to speak to Penny, so going to do that on Tuesday, as she doesn't work Mondays. Previously on my cycles, had nothing but positives .... Hopefully, you won't need to worry about it after this week!!!


----------



## Laquinn

Antibiotics worked thanks Lelly - just as well as ovulation is in a few days. My irregular cycles mean we keep missing it but hey, got to give it a go. My thyroid issues are messing with everything. All the best for tomorrow and getting closer to the baby thread! xx  

I'm thinking Serum Pauli but then I keep reading other people's footnotes that say they've had success with other clinics after Serum... I think from reading other people's posts we should have PGS but then I've been reading about NGS... Reading the thyroid thread I think I might also need immune treatment - it's all so confusing!


----------



## LellyLupin

Wow having massive doubts about whether I am being totally selfish wanting a baby at 50.  DP has gone of to give his sperm but to be honest we haven't slept and nearly backed out this morning.  The thought that keeps running through my mind is how is this child going to cope with losing us at maybe 20 years old, and what happens if one or both of us die earlier who will look after it.  I know I should have thought of this way before the morning of EC collection but in all honesty I have been putting it to the back of my mind so I didn't have to face the reality of it.  My head is such a mess, I so want a baby but am I being completely ridiculous and selfish putting my own needs and wants before thinking of this childs needs and wants.  Isn't that the first rule of motherhood putting your childs needs before your own.    Any advice out there did any of you with children go through this quandary?  How did you answer these questions for yourself if you don't mind me asking?


----------



## Rio2016

Just read your post and didn't want to read and run. I guess none of know how long we'll have to live. We just all need to ensure we love each other. If helpful I got freaked out before my egg transfer with two embryos as didn't have a flat large enough for two. Think with IVF good to take it one step at a time and try not to worry about things you can't control. Hope someone with experience can help you too. Sending hugs xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Thank you Rio    I think I am just thinking too much, night time when you can't sleep does terrible things to your imagination.  DP has just text me from the clinic he is sitting in the car park.  I just feel like I have never looked at  it fro a  childs point of view or rather I have,  didn't like how it made me feel and them tried not to think about it.


----------



## Laquinn

I think you will make a great mother Lelly and that's the most important thing. Your child will be wanted and that feeling will get them through anything in later life.   xx


----------



## pauli

Lelly, you will be a great mother and even you might not have together as many years as if you had a child in your 20s, it will be worth it. I lost my mother when I was 38, I miss her so much every day. I think it would be the same whatever age I was. I echo what Rio said, can't worry too much about future, focus on the next step.

Hope today went well, fingers crossed xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Thanks Pauli/Laquinn we got 5 eggs and they are going to fertilise them tomorrow so we will have to wait and see if I get any good ones xx


----------



## Laquinn

Good luck Lelly!   xx


----------



## deblovescats

Lelly - you will be a brilliant mum! Don't ever doubt it! You are so caring and thoughtful, a child will be lucky to have you as a mummy. Believe me, it's only natural to have doubts. I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I do have moments where I wonder whether my two will think I was wrong to go ahead at my age, but I then collect my senses and know that they are loved which is more than a lot of children are. Deciding to have a child can be seen to be a selfish act whatever your age, it is our desire to have a child, but this is the same if you are a young mum. It is not less selfish for them. At least, our children know that they are so wanted.
When James hugs me and calls me 'mummy', when Lydia puts her head on my shoulder to go to sleep and wraps her little arms round my neck and squeezes tight, I live for these moments and know that I wouldn't go back if I could. I will envelop them in love for as long as I have and trust that they are adults before I have to leave them. I will do my best to live healthily. That's all we can do.


----------



## artist_mum

Well said Debs! I go thru similar worries and also about the donor side as ours is anonymous. But with so many things in life it's not the issue itself but how you loook at it. Raising happy confident children through love and good care will hopefully help them have a good PMA and therefore able to deal with whatever life throws at them.  I think it's normal to have doubts whether it's Ivf or natural conception - we sometimes overthink it due to it being Ivf. Perhaps Our kids will only dwell on it if we do. Xx

Lelly - it's good news on the 5. Fingers crossed for fertilisation xx

Laquinn - first thing is that in choosing the clinic I would try to get into a good place (thru nature, mediation..whatever works for you) so you can hear your own intuitions. I really value the teleconference calls I did with fertileheart.com (run by the author of 'inconceivable') they brought me to my child. Secondly when it's down to the clinic differences: serum is personalised protocol, lots of meds, hysteroscopy usually i.e. A lot of intervention. Eugin is a simple protocol but in my opinion a more professional set up.  It's far bigger as a clinic and Barcelona is closer and more familiar (cheap & short flights). I too suspected immunes and had testing along the way but the last cycle was the only one where I DIDNT take steroids. So personally I think it's a numbers game and for me the best way to get your number to come up is to be able to tune in to your own self...and kind of 'hear' which is the right clinic. I liked both but really loved the weekends in Barcelona.  Sorry that's a bit wordy but I really want you to get to the right place. You'll know when you choose one and just feel really content with that choice. Julia Indichova's work helped me (beyond anything else I did) to find my inner knowing. Best of luck and wishing you every success.

Hi to others reading and sorry not to reply more to everyone

Lelly - may this be your week xxx


----------



## LellyLupin

3 fertilised, hope they make it to tomorrow.    Trying hard to stop having doubts, it more about me not living long enough to get them to adulthood to be honest, not about caring for them xx


----------



## Laquinn

Thank you artist_mum! Your post has helped me tremendously; I was initially drawn to Create in Manchester (I live in Glasgow) but read a lot of negative comments on the forum about them them being really disorganised. But I'm drawn to their approach and maybe first instinct is the best instinct? I think mild IVF might be best with my thyroid issues and they do a three cycle deal which makes it more affordable as money is an issue too. Will definitely talk to Eugin (looks great!).

My Grandmother had the same pattern as me; a miscarriage followed by a stillbirth but then went on to have two healthy babies. She was a lot younger (!) but yeah, I'm not totally convinced by the whole immunes thing and following the stillbirth I have had really good support from the NHS and access to two really good Reproductive Endocrinologists. I think addressing my thyroid issues will really help. 

I will definitely check out fertileheart.com. Feeling lighter now! xx


----------



## LellyLupin

So transfer is Friday afternoon.  Just wanted to ask when I have been for transfer before at another clinic,  I was told not to wear perfume, body lotion or wash with soap,  and to wash my hair with perfume free shampoo and not wear any make up.  At this clinic I have been told nothing about how to prepare for transfer.  Has anyone elses clinic given them any advice?


----------



## nicky_nacky_noo

Hi Lelly, I had that advice at both clinics I've had transfers, so I'd just do the same for this time. Good luck tomorrow!


----------



## LellyLupin

Thank you Nicky I must admit I am very disappointed in CARE Sheffield, they seem totally disorganised.  They also didn't give DP my drug instructions when he went to give his sperm like they said they would.  I will be surprised if I get a BFP xx

Debs have they got back to you regarding cycling again?  xx


----------



## deblovescats

Lelly - I think something must have happened since I did my cycles or else I had different people! they seemed totally organised when I went before, but this time, I'm struggling to get hold of donor co-ordinators! I never heard back from Julie and I've spent a couple of weeks trying to get hold of Penny. I'm not giving up!


----------



## LellyLupin

I know Deb I haven't seen the same person twice, I have nearly ran out of drugs a couple of times and they don't communicate with me.  I think they are rather rude too!


----------



## fififi

Lelly - sending all the baby dust I can find and oodles & oodles of positive energy & hugs for ET tomorrow.
During the 2ww try to max those positive thoughts & enjoy being PUPO - power of positivity over not so helpfiul clinic    

My clinic also requested no perfumed products, make up etc in order to minimise pollutants in the air during transfer thereby giving that embryo the best chance.

Sorry you're not feeling the clinic is on top of things but remember even if they are not being very people orientated they will definitely want you to help their stats !!!

Enjoy seeing the white light as your little embryo starts what will hopefully be the best journey you've had chance to share xxxxxx


----------



## deblovescats

Lelly - I agree with fiffi - lots of positivity on its way to you! Just visualise that little white light nestling in and becoming your beloved baby. My two little white lights are now fast asleep in their beds - though one has just asked me for a feed! Best of luck for tomorrow. I'm sure the clinic know what they're doing - they obviously need to brush up on their communication skills and courtesy! Afer all, I've got my two little ones through them!


----------



## LellyLupin

Hi Debs everything went ok, fingers crossed because this is my last go.  xx


----------



## deblovescats

Lelly - glad to hear it. I do so hope this is your time. You deserve it. I totally understand how it's your last go, we all need to know when to draw the line. Now take it easy and get your feet up!


----------



## pauli

Hi Lelly, glad to hear things went well today. Did you transfer 1 or 2? Hope you will take things easy ... I know how difficult 2ww can be. Lots of Baby dust to you xxx

Good weekend to everyone x


----------



## artist_mum

Thinking of you on the 2ww Lelly  -  take it easy, feet up etc! We are all willling you on xxx


----------



## LellyLupin

Thanks girls   Just the one Pauli I didn't dare go for two because of my blood pressure issues xx  Debs am putting my feet up.  I have decided that if this doesn't work I am going to foster or adopt if I can but I am going to go for an older child.


----------



## Laquinn

Good luck Lelly - sending lots of positive vibes   xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Well a full on bleed started last night, not spotting but a full on bleed requiring a tampon, I am still bleeding heavily today.  I am pretty sure all is lost.  If so I am going to look into fostering with a view to adoption of an older child, DP seems more on board with that idea than he did about this.  Its not helping that my sister sent me  a scan picture of her grandchild this morning.  Why do people who know your struggle for a child never think, how does she not realise that that will hurt, I will never understand the lack of empathy.  

Love to all who are still trying, sending you lots of


----------



## pauli

Lelly, I am so sorry... the bleed came so soon! I never experienced this so not sure what it could mean. Sending you many hugs. This IVF journey is so unfair. You deserved it more than anyone. Glad you feel strong and planning the next step of adopting. Any child will be lucky to have you as a mum! Glad your partner is supporting this too. Take care of yourself, it is so hard to recover emotionally xx


----------



## LellyLupin

Thank you Pauli, I am numb I think at the moment.  I could try again with the two frosties,  but I was struggling with the ethical side of having a baby so very late in life.  If I was in my early or mid forties I would definitely try again.  Now I am 50 and a baby would be born at 51 I think its a little too late ethically (for me that is).


----------



## artist_mum

I'm really sorry to read that you've had a bleed, I was thinking of you  and how torturous this whole process is but obviously surprised to read that this has happened. I'm so sorry.  And I know that sometimes it turns out to be ok and other times not - so just wishing you some peace in your heart and that whatever the outcome you will go forwards at last  instead of feeling stuck in the waiting - which is horrid.

sending you love and a big hug xxx


----------



## Laquinn

Hope you're okay Lelly.   

Good to hear you're thinking forward. Can relate to having an insensitive sibling! Fingers crossed you find your happy soon.   xxx


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Oh no Lelly   I was think8ng of you and so hoping it would all go well. Are you sure it’s the worst? It is very soon for a menstrual bleed so isn’t it more likely to be something else?  Regarding age, I do think that it’s a hard decision even in early forties but I lost my poor dad when I was 21 and he was 45. My siblings one of my siblings was much younger.....and they turned out just fine in spite of our loss. What I mean to say is you can be a young parent and die early or an older parent who may just go on for years   what ever you decide will be the right way forward

Lots of love hun  

Grey xx


----------



## fififi

Lelly - sending huge huge hugs. Back up plan seems good but it'll be ridicously unfair if you have to resort to using it   
As others said it's too early for menstrual bleed so I'm keeping positive head on and hoping its implantation bleeding (perfect timing for that) and just your body's unusual reaction to that


----------



## deblovescats

Lelly - I agree with the others. I know you're feeling down, but have you spoken to the clinic? It could well be implantation bleeding, as it would be early to start your menstrual cycle. When I had my two BFNs, I didn't bleed until I stopped the progesterone, so keep going with it ... 
I totally think it's great that you have a backup plan. A child in need of love would be so lucky to have such a loving mummy!


----------



## Coolish

Lelly, I keep checking in to see how you're getting on. I agree with what others have said, in it's to early for a menstrual bleed. On BFNs I haven't had a bleed until a little while after stopping meds. I would speak to the clinic. It could be implantation or it could be that you need a slight change in meds. I had to have my progesterone increased at the start and then at 5 weeks when I had a lot of bleeding I had to stop taking aspirin for a while.


----------



## fififi

Lolly - are you ok? You're in my thoughts 24/7 at minute & really hoping that things have turned around for you xxxxxxx


----------



## Greyhoundgal

Lelly - what feefs said   Thinking of you  

Grey xxx


----------



## Salad4

Hi Lelly - just caught up on the thread - I have been away.  I'm hoping that the bleed wasn't BFN and that regardless you are coping with whatever is happening somehow.  It is such a roller coaster.  Sending hugs and thoughts your way.
Salad


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## fififi

Lelly - still looking every day for news on how you are. Very worried about you hun. Can't seem to find your home email to message you. But if you see this know it's posted with huge huge hugs and willingness to chat/be an ear to shout/cry at if ever needed xxxx


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## Salad4

Hi Lelly - still have fingers, toes, everything crossed for you.
Salad


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## Greyhoundgal

Lelly - thinking of you every day   

Grey xxx


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## miamiamo

Hi Lelly - like other girls keep everything crossed xxx


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## Salad4

Hi Lelly - just to let you know you are still in my thoughts.  Hope you are working through whatever is happening with you.
Saladx


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## Greyhoundgal

Still thinking of you Lelly, I know we all are  

Hope everyone else is ok. Debs how are your plans coming?

Grey xx


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## deblovescats

Hi ladies
Just a quick post - wanted to let you know how lelly is doing. We're in touch and I've texted her and asked if I can just put a message for you all and let her know you are all thinking of her. She said it was fine for me to post for her, but she is keeping off ff at the moment as it is too painful, but she hopes to post later. Unfortunately she had a BFN and was obviously devastated. She's now taking time to think about what to do. She's doing ok and we're going to meet up soon


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## Greyhoundgal

Debs - thanks so much for letting us know   so very sad for lelly....please give her a virtual or real hug next time you’re in touch from me.....it’s just so very rotten what she has been through   I so hoped this was her time.....

Grey xx


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## fififi

Thanks for update Debs,
So unfair and unjust - Lelly deserves happiness after all this time & im really sad she got BFN.
Please give her huge hug from me & let her know how much we all care.

Hugs to you too xxxx


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## artist_mum

Am in tears. I'm so very sorry. It's such a tortuous process.  Please give her my love xxxx


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## Salad4

I am so sorry Lelly - it is really unfair and I thought it was going to work this time for you.  Sending thoughts, hugs and love


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## miamiamo

Debs - thanks for info, and I am really sorry for Lelly x


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## deblovescats

Thanks girls - I have let lelly know how you are all thinking of her and she is appreciative. She's doing ok, taking time to take stock and work out her plans for the future. I know it helps to know you're all behind her.


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## fififi

Been a long time but popped by to say hi.
I've had you lot in my head (& heart) a lot lately - such a shame we aren't closer & able to be bigger part of everyday lives. Certainly the original crowd are the main reason I'm still even half sane & certainly the only reason that I battled as long as I did.
Hope people are happy & if anyone wants to PM I'd love to hear from you.
Hugs to all Fifi xxxxx


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## miamiamo

deblovescats - it is not an easy situation for you both. I think it would be fantastic, if you meet somewhere in the middile.


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## deblovescats

Thanks miamiamo.
Fiffi - it's wonderful to see you posting again. Like you, I have gained inspiration and support from all you lovely ladies on FF - it was amazing to go through the journey with you all and thankfully most of us got our happy endings, although obviously not everyone. I still am in touch with Lelly - and although she hasn't become a mum, she was happily married this summer, and looked beautiful in her wedding photos! I will pm you Fiffi - I wish we could all meet up often. Maybe we could arrange a meet up sometime - I'm in Yorkshire - not sure where anyone else is. I've got conjunctivitis at the moment, so not been online for a few days as my eyes are blurry! Will post soon


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## fififi

Debs - will await PM with excitement. Sad that Lelly didn't get to share the joy majority of us eventually did but am pleased that despite so many stresses & struggles she got to be a bride and valued as herself by her family. Pass her my love & congratulations when you next speak with her.
Hope life your end going well & conjunctivitis clears up quickly xxxx


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