# Really fed up with agency



## Bub (Sep 22, 2008)

From initial enquiry (sept) to now - so that's 8 months - we have only just completed Stage 1. We have received a letter telling us we are progressing to Stage 2 but that was weeks ago. We had our end of Stage 1 mtg 6 weeks ago! Still not allocated a social worker. I know there will be delays and am prepared for that but the lack of communication and disinterest is really frustrating and disheartening. 8 months just to complete Stage 1?


Has anyone else encountered delays of this proportion and has anyone else switched agency between Stage 1 and 2? If so, do we have to start the process from scratch?


Just want to get on! Almost ten years of infertility and now a year (almost) of waiting and waiting. Fed up


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## Jacks girl (Aug 7, 2011)

Hi sorry to hear its taken 8 months to complete Stage 1. We had a similar experience so its not uncommon at all. Due to the current situation, there is a huge amount of adopters approved now and fewer children coming through the system due to something called the R-BS case. s a result, social workers have increased case loads of adopters and social work cases are a bit like - a one in one out system. It can feel like they are disinterested but its simply down to circumstance and its nationwide. However there are inconsistencies as we have seen some people go through the new system (we were in the in-between systems during approval process) and fly through to placement, so I can sympathise with you. I suggest sticking with the current agency as a lot of people reading the adoption uk boards are struggling to progress onto Stage 2 itself. You would have to start from scratch and in the current climate....  

DH and I have been through infertility for five years so not quite as long as you (late in life of diagnosis of KS)and been waiting to adopt now for 2.5 years since we started the process and have been approved over a year. This journey requires a lot of patience and emotional resilience. Stage 2 can be very intrusive and emotional. What I am saying is as much as we feel its a wait, adoption social workers want to see you can be patient, committed and resilient. They do operate on different timescales to us but for them its all about ensuring the right match for the child. I am not saying this to be unkind but that's how they will view it. I have had similar conversations about the passing of time with our adoption worker who has been doing this for 3 decades. 

We are only now looking at our second match with a child. We originally wanted a very young child but our prospective link is nearly school age. We have changed a lot on this journey. I am certainly not the same person I was 2.5 years ago. Its made me more resilient and we look back at the infertility phase now and to be honest, we thought we should have gone for adoption now before all the testing as I think we knew deep down in our hearts we would probably go down this route. 

Some days I get really down with the waiting and there are times when I have honestly thought will it ever happen, but I know we will get there.You will too! We had a similar wait to get onto Stage 2 and then we were done and dusted and at panel in four months! My advice is get some awesome holidays in and if you haven't already some childcare experience in with family's children/volunteer work as panels like to see that. Study attachment, special needs, emotional and behavioural difficulties. Become familiar with Fasd and other medical conditions commonly found in children as all adopted children come with a level of uncertainty - all this will stand you in good stead for an approval and successful matching process. 

Keep your chin up and the best of British to you


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## Bub (Sep 22, 2008)

Thanks for the reply and pep talk Jacks Girl. I agree with you that we should stay with our agency rather than start again. I just feel that even in the current climate with an allegedly surplus number of adopters re. Children, the wait to progress to Stage 2 and the total lack of communication is not fair on us or reasonable. We have seen others move through the entire process and be approved in the time we have been stuck at the first stage. 
We are very realistic about timescales and understand that social services lack the resources but I do think some transparency with prospective adopters wouldn't go a miss. Perhaps an email now and again to update us - even just to say there will be a delay due to staff shortages etc... I am a secondary teacher and hugely under the cosh but I would not get away with not replying to parents telephone calls! Is it not just a case of politeness and professionalism?


Sorry for the rant - I take your advice on board as someone who is ahead is us in the process and you have clearly been through some difficulties also. I'm just finding things very difficult at the moment. We have been really patient up to now but starting to lose good will. I told my head teacher and gave home rough timescales that had been communicated to us by our agency. The delays mean I will have to go back to him so that the school timetables me for the new academic year. The delays and lack of information have quite far reaching consequences in prospective adopters' lives and work. I'm starting to realise that we are, however, the last group in the adoption process to be considered in terms of impact on our lives and well being.


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## Jacks girl (Aug 7, 2011)

Ditto I am a teacher too (secondary as well) and have all the same worries/fears/concerns as you regarding cover, timetabling etc. My school has bent over backwards for me and so far I have nothing to show my Head or Governors for all their much valued patience and support. If you need a like  minded person to message and talk to about the process you are very welcome to message me anytime. 

Us teachers are used to delivering and working to tight deadlines - that's why I think we struggle so much with this process. Its also very difficult for people outside of our profession to understand that we can't simply give our school a weeks notice to find us a replacement for many and various reasons like the implications to pupils, colleagues and also to ever decreasing school budgets. I know what you mean about transparency and getting back to people - we are shot if we don't return calls or emails. Have you checked your agencies statement of purpose/aims - see if there is something in there about contact with prospective adopters? Might be worth a look?

We have the added complication of GCSEs and other quals to deal with and have to think of the impact on our pupils so I totally understand completely where you are coming from. 

I promise you this wait won't last forever. You will fly through the second part BUT matching may take a long time depending on what you are looking for in a prospective child. There are lots of adopter approved for little ones between 0-5 without health problems or special needs. That could be a potentially longer wait than this one. I think your agency needs to be totally transparent with you about the children they have coming through etc as you move into the next phase. I have found the wait for links the most ardous part and we are still not out of the woods yet as we are only on our second possible link. 

Good luck and I hope you hear about stage 2 soon.


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

Bub I hear you! It's so hard the frustrations!!

Jacks Girl... You are lucky, I have been written out the timetable next year already lol I get the preparation, but it all adds to the pressure!!

Hang in there xx


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## Jacks girl (Aug 7, 2011)

Haha I am dreading seeing mine this year for the simple reason as a subject leader they will still probably expect planning in return for a slight increase on my adoption pay  lol x


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

Am a subject leader too! Wish could be honest and say not going back, but no capacity as of yet!!

When talked to my head a few weeks back saying we might give up as finding it all too hard waiting... She sympathetically reply, 'but we've over tagged for next year!!!'  She needs to plan, I get that but....

Her best was when I went to tell her we were going through the process was... 'Have you thought about it!!!!'  Errrrr yes!!!!

I know us teachers moan, but it's a tough job, but a great job, but these two don't go well together!!!


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## Helend75 (Dec 9, 2012)

Just jumping in as I'm also secondary & nothing has been said of next years timetable. We're aiming to go to approval panel on Aug 4th & f2a is a possibility we're discussing - though my agency weren't great on answering my practical questions about notice to employer! 
Anyway, my previous (ousted - yay!!!!) head behaved abominably when approached re ivf appointments; I've honestly never felt so small & so I was quite cagey in engaging with school about adoption. I even said to HR that a reference check was part of background checks before they'd even speak to prospective adopters!! When planning stage 2 meetings though I had to go and explain that although I'd arranged them as late as I could (3.30) & requested they only take place on days where I didn't teach last lesson I would have to leave school 30mins early (& though I didn't teach one day is our meeting day & the other is a lesson where I'm supposed to do on call). I'd been really anxious as although we had a new head teacher the legacy of the previous one & her intrusive questioning played largely in my mind. - I couldn't have asked for a better response! The lady in HR told me in confidence that our new principle had been off one day the previous week for his celebration hearing - he has newly adopted a pre school sibling pair. The message has come back to me that I have the schools full support & my line manager (who is also a good friend), was told whatever I ask for I get & that she's not to ask me any questions - which I get, but as a good friend she can ask away, I know the message was that work isn't to pry). 
I'm sure you'll agree ladies, that having an employer who has so recently been through this himself gives him a degree of empathy for my situation. 
On the occasions when I leave school early I'm just signing out discreetly rather than having it publicised in the daily cover list!

We haven't discussed timetables for September but I'm reluctant to take my 2 gcse groups into yr11. I'm going to complete a piece of CA with them before summer & we'll see when timetables come out if anything further is said.


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