# Cancelled cycle - feeling down



## GemH (Jun 15, 2012)

Hi all, I had a cancelled cycle on Monday due to follicles not growing... And I know it's early days still but I feel deflated.. When I'm on my own I cry, when I'm with people or at work I'm in a different world and not listening. As I had a good amh they thought I was going to respond well an I didn't. Now I have this deep down feeling that when we try again it will just be the same, that I won't respond and it will be cancelled again. 
Is there anyone else feeling the same?

My hubby said talk to the councillor the clinic offered but I don't feel I want to talk to a stranger about it.. I want to deal with it myself 1st. I'm 25 and feel a failure already..didn't even get to EC. Only a couple of people know about us going through ivf so it's hard to talk to people.

Sorry for such a down post..  xxxx


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## staceyemma (Jul 30, 2011)

Gem  
I'm so sorry I can imagine how you are feeling. I'm so sorry  
I had the opposite happen when I egg shared, I responded really well and then I was left hanging on one egg to fertilise. I had BFN at the end which was tough 

You are NOT a failure this IVF stuff is hard!
what drugs were you on?
People don't always respond well to certain drugs you need to get the combnination right for YOU.
I was told the first cycle is generally a 'trial run' so next time they will try something different.
I have learnt so much from the first cycle that next time things will be done completley different.

You are not alone xxxx


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## Hope30 (Sep 15, 2012)

Hi Gem,
So sorry to read you post. This whole Ivf is so stressful and people who haven't been through it can't really understand the importance and stress it brings.  All I can say is you have age on your side and this is only your first attempt. My issue to is a male factor and this is our third cycle.
What Stacey said is completely true as a lot can depend on the drugs you are given. On my first cycle I was on gonal f and produced 19 eggs then on second one had menupur (think that's how you spell it) and produced much fewer with 10.
Don't loose faith, the journey may be a long road but we all have to have hope that we will get what we so dream of. I have found many friends on this site and such support. 
Hang in there and focus on keeping fit and healthy for the next try and make sure you have lots of protein in your diet. 
Sending you a hug 
Hope xx


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## GemH (Jun 15, 2012)

Thank you Staceyemma.. Sorry to hear you got bfn  It feels like everyone around me are pregnant, friends..cousins.. 1 of which I work with! 

I was on 150iu Merional for 5 days which was upped to 225iu up until day 12 and there was only 2 big enough follicles. Means that was egg sharing we didn't have to pay, but felt so guilty for my recipient too which makes it worse. But now we have got to try and find the cash to fund a cycle...just feel so alone. 
Hubby reckons its ok and we'll find a way but then I think what if I don't respond again. I'm not sure whether they'll switch me to short protocol instead or if it will be different drugs.. I just don't know.

I see you won free cycle at lister how lovely.. I bet your excited to start xxxx

Thanks hope30, ours is also male factor as far as we knew but now I'm worrying its something to do with me.. I'm hoping they will change my drugs... Sorry to hear about your 2 failed cycles.. Your so right no one understands how emotional and hard this journey is. Xx


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## Daydreamer88 (Dec 19, 2012)

Hi GemH   so sorry you have had to abandon your cycle, it is so hard! You try to mentally prepare yourself for a BFN at the end of treatment but you don't expect to have it cancelled so you aren't prepared! I had to have my first cycle cancelled as I massively over-responded so I am the opposite to you...I was so upset I thought it would happen every time as I have PCOS and being younger I am at higher risk. They changed my menopur dose from 150iu to 112.5 iu and this small difference made this cycle so much better, although it looked like I would overstimulate again at first they monitored me very closely and I didn't. The nurse told me they had learnt so much about my body from the first cycle, I am sure this will be the case with you too.

They will up your dose of stimms next time and more than likely they will see you more often. Fingers crossed you will get further  

Good luck & lots of love xx


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## GemH (Jun 15, 2012)

Sorry day dreamer only just see your message. Thank you for making me feel better, it's horrible having a cycle cancelled isn't it.. Not even making it to egg collection.
I'm glad your next cycle is going better , hopefully a bfp to end it will be lovely for you.

Yeah I'm hoping upping my dose and maybe change of protocol will help. Got follow up appointment end of March and hoping to get straight back on to it and cycle again.

Good luck to you xxxxx


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## Daydreamer88 (Dec 19, 2012)

Hi Gem, 

Unfortunately it ended in a BFN for me   But at least I know with a tweak of drugs I can actually complete a cycle!

Good luck for your appointment and for your next cycle...    things will go better and fingers crossed for a good outcome! 

x


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