# 1 failed icsi 1 failed fet now oh says we can't do a fresh cycle



## loopy loo1017 (Aug 11, 2015)

Hi all

I didn't know where else to put this 
Me and oh done an egg share cycle which unfortunately was negative for me but our recipient got a bfp 
We then had 2 frosties thawed and only 1 survived but not fully expanding which again was a negative 

I thought that was our ivf journey over but recently I have just got a job that I absolutely love and everything else seems to be going well the only thing I'm missing that I would like is a baby, I suppose that want has never gone away but because I was so unhappy in my previous job and I had other things going on I never seemed to think of having a baby much

Spoke to oh today and told him I want another baby but the only option for us now is a full cycle which we can't do until next year as I am only on a temp contract atm and would like to be permanent before we try 
Well he said we can't afford it and he doesn't want to be 1 of the couple's who chase that little bit of hope

I am so angry with him I said to him u tell me another way we can have a baby I'm all ears and nothing he totally changed the subject...i have stood by him this whole time never thinking about leaving  (oh has low everything) and yet this is the response I get when i tell him how I feel

I don't know where to go from here though I feel so lost 
We were going to book a holiday for next year but I said we should have treatment instead it's easily going to be 3 grand for a holiday if not more with clothes and stuff yet he still isn't willing to even consider it

Am I being unfair? 

I was just wandering if anyone has any wise words to say? 

I haven't even spoke to my family because I don't want  them knowing anything yet tbh if I could get through a cycle without telling them I would but if need someone to watch my 11 year old (from a previous relationship) 

Sorry for moaning but I just didn't know where else to turn x


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Hi loopyloo my OH the same .not really on  board at all and would happily quit tomorrow although deep down I do believe he still wants a child the same as me . He just doesn't really have the resolve to keep persisting with the financial and emotional sacrifices that come with endless tx .
Men generally just don't want it as much as women .
I do think the decision to stop /continue can only lie with the woman however . Your the one with the womb . Your dh will have to accept that he can't stop you ploughing ahead as it's your body and ( u said u were working ) your money. 
My relationship has nearly ended ( more than once) over infertility.  It's exceptionally hard.
Hope u find a way forwards xxx


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## loopy loo1017 (Aug 11, 2015)

K jade thanks for replying hun it is so hard the constant disappointments and financially it is massive especially as now we need to fund a full cycle because I'm not sure I want to egg share again

I haven't even brought up donor sperm yet as I really don't think that he would go down that route

I think my oh would love a child too but isn't willing to go down the only path available to us I understand his concerns I have the same concerns too but having a baby is more important than any of that and I wish he would see that

I really hope 1 of your frosties becomes your long awaited baby xxx


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## MadameG (Jan 13, 2012)

Hey loopy,

I’m sorry things are so tough for you at the moment  . Could going abroad to perhaps one of the Czech clinics be an option? It can be cheaper. There’s also mini ivf/ivf light packages that may be more affordable too. 

You might need some time to reconnect together first though and listen to each other’s wants/needs/fears as otherwise your relationship could get a bit more rocky.

Sending love hun xxxx


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## loopy loo1017 (Aug 11, 2015)

Hi Madame thanks for replying

I think it's the money that is the problem he says it's ridiculous to pay that sort of money and it could still fail which I totally get and agree with but it's also the only chance we have of conceiving 

I wish he would think of the bigger picture trust me there's things I would rather be spending the money on instead of trying to get pregnant especially as it's one of the most natural things that are meant to happen

I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy it's such a hard thing to come to terms with and even then I don't think we can ever be 100% after experiencing it

No i dont think going abroad is an option just purely because there's not much difference in the money and then there trying to find people to look after my son and we could only go in the school holidays now because of my job 

Hope your well hun I keep a track of your diary and I just want to say I am so so pleased for you you've been through so much  xx


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## K jade (Aug 11, 2013)

Loopy I could have written that myself I can so relate to everything you've said.
I've had the same advice regarding stopping (mainly from dh) and it being silly throwing money at it with no guarantees. Honestly it's like people think im just doing it for fun or that stopping will make me happy. 
I've never been pregnant and have a deep longing to do so I can't see how that's going to change.  Just stopping really isn't the answer for me. Infertility  is my life I disnt ask for it but people don't ask for other awful things which happen to them like cancer etc , sometimes u have to play the cards your dealt .
I appreciate this splurge probably isn't much help to u but just wanted to say I completely kno where your coming from you are not alone xxx


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