# HELP Will this harm our chances of adopting



## askingangels (Nov 15, 2005)

Hello everyone

I am looking for some advice. My DH had his individual HS yesterday. He has had a few things happen in his life and I am worried we wont get approved. None were his fault.

He was 'touched up' by a man when he was young. He was bullied at school for years. (This is why we cant have children as he was kicked in between his legs all the time). After his dad died he blamed his mum and left home to live rough for a while. He was able to discuss how he would cope with possible children with these issues so I hope this wont stop us. SW said it is sometimes better to have had a few issues rather than a perfect upbringing.

I know I am probably worrying about nothing but I think it is inevitable to worry constantly at every hurdle until we are approved. Any help would be greatly received.

Thanks

Sxx


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## casey (Sep 26, 2004)

Hi asking angels 

i am going thru something similiar at the moment regarding 'issues' in childhoof and depression in adulthood. Although i am a s/w too. i still found it difficult to talk about and its left me with mixed feelings and feeling a bit 'exposed' ! 
Our s/w has said that she is looking at this as a positive thing as (a) i have turned my life around (ii) it will give greater insight into the emotional needs of children (iii) i have a dd who is obviously very well looked after (iV) dh and i have a very string spportive relationship 

BUT she did have speak to her manager who asked how i would react if the children had been thru very similiar experiences, and i am half expecting some questions at panel regarding these matters. It is good that you could speak to dh and discuss the answers to these questions so he was prepared and did not come across as anxious and or as tho has not dealt with these matters in terms of his way of thinking and emotional reactions to his own and your future children's past experiences, and i guess the main thing is that he is trying and turn these negative experiences into positives ( not easy i know   ) and I don't think these things will work against you getting approved

good luck caseyxx


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## Val 12 (Oct 26, 2004)

Hi S
my dh had a few problems from his childhood too. He was regularly beaten by his stepdad and had a few anxiety problems in the past. He openly discussed them with our SW and I was quite proud of him. Our SW said something similar along the lines of being able to cope with what life throws at you etc.. if you haven't had a perfect upbringing. It was never mentioned at panel and didn't affect our chances at all. It will be put in your form F and you have a chance to read it first before you agree to it. Try not to worry
Val x


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## Cheshire Cheese (Apr 19, 2005)

Hi ya,

Nice outfits by the way 

I think everybody has had there ups and downs through life, i think the SW's like to look at how you have coped with things.

Sounds like your dh has been through the mill, and has come out a better man from it all.

Good luck with everything

Regards Jon


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## Milktray (Jun 12, 2005)

Hi S

These things have happened in the past and from what I can gather your DH is now making a much better life for himself.

I personally think that it shows great strength of character, tenacity and a desire to overcome all issues.  I would be really surprised if these issues prevented you from moving forward in your HS.  I don't doubt that these issues will probably need a bit more time to go through and talk about, but I would like to think that they will not be a hindrance.

T x


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## melaniejhodson (Jan 30, 2006)

Hi

I agree with the others in that it shows how you cope with things in life and overcome them.  Your sw will see how your dh has come through such a difficult time and is a better person for it all.

Why not contact your sw and ask to discuss these issue's further, explain how worried you are and to try and put your minds at rest.  I think it is important to feel comfortable to talk with your sw about anything and I'm sure it won't go against you.  Like Val says it will go in your form and you will be able to check it for anything you are not happy about.

Don't worry.
LOL 
Melanie


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## askingangels (Nov 15, 2005)

Thank you everyone

You have put my mind at ease. It was really wierd this afternoon my mobile started to ring and I recognised the SW number  .

I thought she was ringing to tell us it was all over.   . Anyway I needn't have worried she was wanting to do my 1 on 1 next week a little earlier in the day than planned as she has a meeting at 4. While she was on I asked if there was anything that could stop us adopting that had came out of DH 1 on 1. She said no. DH had shown to her that he had overcame these and explained how he would cope and guide child/children. She also said if anything had came up she would have said straight away and to stop worrying.

I feel so much better now.        

Thanks again this site is great. I am putting this site as part of my support network.

Love

Sxx


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## KarenM (Jul 30, 2002)

Hi S

Glad that your Sw has been able to put your mind at ease.  Good luck for your one to one next week.

Karen x


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