# Wanted: A family of my own starts 24/4



## mafergal (Jul 31, 2013)

Just to remind anyone who is not aware, this series on UK adoption  starts tonight on ITV at 21:00


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## Dame Edna (May 17, 2007)

Thanks for the reminder


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## somedaysoon (Mar 7, 2013)

All very familiar - especially panel! Very good for anyone wondering what panel is like. It also dealt with the issue of matching considerations very well. Wasn't so sure about the sw's advice about children born addicted to drugs. She seemed to say that they had a much better chance than those born to alcohol addicted parents, but surely there is a lot of overlap in that parents who take drugs are also likely to misuse alcohol. Asked my mum and dad to watch this to give them an idea of what it is like. Funny how many programmes there are about adoption and exactly what is happening in our lives at the minute!


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

I dunno..use of drugs doesnt ALWAYS mean alcohol aswell although I guess its common..I think what she was trying say was effects of drugs are less then those of alcohol which is true but she made it sound like the kids will get off scot free which isnt necessarily the casse..they do 'better' than those who have been effected by alcohol, in that they dont have so many learning/development problems but there is a higher likelihood of ADHD for instance.
good programme..nice to see my LA featured and giving a good impression   Definitely a quite in depth exploration of the issue. emotional as always, brings back memories  


kj x


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## MummyPhinie (Oct 27, 2013)

Having just had our panel yesterday I really felt for them. Really liked the focus on adopters though with this, dh said it will be good for LA etc to have on DVD to show prospective adopters. Cried along with them though but been emotional all day!


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Strange how they completely missed the matching process/panel for the couple, and I thought one of the approval panel questions smacked of disability discrimination - it could have been worded better "what will you do if you get ill?  What is your support network like?" would have sufficed.

Although i'm glad they have shown that potential adopters with disabilities can be approved too.

There has been a big push over the last 2-3 years to increase the awareness of adoption, and I'm wondering if the government have had a hand in asking production companies to create programs focusing on the issue.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

We start intros two weeks today seeing them meet for the first time was very surreal for me. Can't believe we're so close now keep waiting for a disaster still x


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## Dawn7 (Sep 10, 2013)

I also asked my family to watch this too, to get a feel for what not only we go through, but also the pressures sw are under and also to see the types of children who are up for adoption.

I felt that they made adoption seem a lot easier than it is, no-one mentioned the waiting and the waiting u have to go through. My sister text me to say all the children are beautiful and that they just want to be loved and she'd take them all.

As she's 2 children of her own, it's easier said than done, we do feel guilty about the medical conditions we would accept and not accept, but as first time parents we don't want to bite off more than we can chew, it wouldn't be fair to a child or us.

I thought it was good of the show to speak to a medical advisor with regards to Joshua, shame it wasn't more in depth, but I suppose it's only on for an hour and they did show quite a bit, will be interesting to see what happens in the weeks to follow.

Thought foster carers Angela and Mick were so lovely, what an amazing couple.

All in all it was worth watching, looking forward to next weeks episode 

x


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## weemoofrazz (Sep 6, 2013)

I have to agree in a way that I did think the program made it look a bit easier than it is. We were at panel yesterday as well so this was an emotional watch for us too! 

I hope that this documentary series will show post adoption realities, such as those experienced in the first year when you have adopted an older child. Considering the significant number of issues that can emerge post placement I think looking at this aspect of the whole process would give balance to the documentary. I'll keep watching to see if this does get covered!


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## Loopylou29 (Mar 4, 2013)

I think it was well done and realistically it can only ever be a snap shot in order to protect those involved especially the children. It wouldn't have been right for them to start saying that Joshua may develop xyz. The fact that his birth parents have mental health issues and he may/may not go on to develop similar issues is enough for a tv programme.
I think the aim of the programme and the previous one is to dispel the idea that modern adoption is the same as the 60/70s adoption. People are blind to the harsh realities of childrens backgrounds unless they are involved in the process.
I think the adopters and foster carers who allowed themselves to be filmed are extremely brave. I wouldn't have done it.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

They are so brave I could never go on tv


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

Wee- I have tweeted Nicky Campbell, as an adopter of children placed at 6 and then at 5, and said that I hope the show was going to cover some of the issues that we face. He has assured me that it does and asked I get in touch afterwards to let him know what I thought.

So I am watching with baited breath, I actually was a little disappointed with last nights show and though that it was a little wishy washy, hoping that they are easing us in gently!!


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## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

I was disappointed with it too and it made it look like they were awash with babies. Also again it made adoptive parents look over picky! 

It did make me chuckle when she said she wouldn't take one baby because they didn't know the dad and the mum had been sleeping around. Again the it will only take 6 months came up which annoys me as even though stage one should take 2 months and 2 4 months many of us are well past this and there's a gap between stages. It also made approval seem much easier than it is!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I think a lot of it is they want to encourage people to adopt so are glossing over a bit.  Showing me crying because the looking for a match was so stressful and heart broken when introductions were put back due to children's sw prioritising birth parents wishes over the children and us while real would unfortunately put people off. It's a delicate balance between enough reality and selling the concept of adoption to the uneducated I guess. We shall see x


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## Loopylou29 (Mar 4, 2013)

Babas - there are more and more babies with placement orders. I live in one of the biggest la's in the country. When we attended prep group several years ago there were 12 couples. Only 2 of the couples had a child under 12months placed. Fast forward several years and we spoke at a prep group of 10 couples. Over half of them have had a child under 12months placed either as a single child or as part of a sibling group. Even on here there have been alot of people matched relatively quickly with youngbabies which even 4/5 years ago was almost unheard of.


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## babas (Oct 23, 2013)

Loopylou we also live in one of the biggest LA's and the courts have stopped making placement orders for babies here!


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## NancyS (Oct 16, 2013)

somedaysoon said:


> All very familiar - especially panel! Very good for anyone wondering what panel is like. It also dealt with the issue of matching considerations very well. Wasn't so sure about the sw's advice about children born addicted to drugs. She seemed to say that they had a much better chance than those born to alcohol addicted parents, but surely there is a lot of overlap in that parents who take drugs are also likely to misuse alcohol. Asked my mum and dad to watch this to give them an idea of what it is like. Funny how many programmes there are about adoption and exactly what is happening in our lives at the minute!


I work in addictions and it is not uncommon to meet opiate users that don't drink alcohol - however, it is rare to meet a cocaine/crack user that doesn't also drink. I would definitely have had more concerns about the baby addicted to crack cocaine.

It was all a bit rose tinted, but did bring back lots of memories


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## Waiting_patiently (Dec 4, 2013)

I thought the same babas, our LA say barely any chance of under 12-18mths, yet it showed them being shown two profiles both 4mths (or was it 5mths) old, letting people think babies are easy to be placed with you, I'm torn with the 'do we rock the boat' and mention that we can see many others being placed with 7mths updwards and that its much more common why are we being told no? but scared to when you feel your family future is in their hands and that if we start sounding difficult will they put us on the back burner :-(


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## mafergal (Jul 31, 2013)

That's interesting Nancy & something i will pop in my memory bank.

I found it interesting, found it strange they skipped over matching but I thought maybe that would be concentrated on in another episode & like others have said, easing us in?

If anyone is interested below is a link to 9 adoption programmes that have been on over the past few years. It's from a gay adopters site bit pretty much all still relevant. Can't believe I never saw the Panorama episode.

https://www.newfamilysocial.org.uk/web-links-to-nine-past-adoption-documentaries/


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## Forgetmenot (Jun 22, 2010)

We echo a lot of thoughts and comments shared...

Even my mum phoned and said they made that look easy and see you will get a baby!!

We are in early stages and not necessarily looking for a baby, open currently, but interesting how general society will view this.


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

I think the issue of babies and very young children is going to vary a lot from area to area. We are with a small la but they have a lot of young ones because of the local demographic and also the adopters in our area have been looking for older children. I would imagine that if the adopters are available within the la and there's no security risk then the children would be placed within area and not going on to the national register.
Different parts of the country will have different demographics and therefore the children in care may well be older.


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## Zargus (Jan 9, 2012)

I also thought that last night's programme was a bit wishey washey, I felt they glossed over the matching process a bit (but there are more programmes in the series to come so maybe that'll be next week) and as has been said, made the adopters seem quite picky because the average viewer wouldn't be aware of what issues might arise, but I did like that it showed the prospective adopters at their panel hearing. I suppose the Qs at MP were too confidential to be aired.

I guess they don't want to make it look too hard as people wouldn't want to join the process. According to this article regarding the programme 15,000 kids and counting http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/a-childs-eye-view-of-adoption-9271461.html

"&#8230;the Government's First4Adoption portal crashed after the second part in the three-programme series as 2,000 prospective adopters came forward to register. A further 1,918 people contacted the site on Thursday night, a phenomenal response given that only 3,500 children are adopted each year."

Surely this is good as even if only a proportion go on to join the process, the various programmes that have been on recently have had the desired effect in attracting more people to even think about adoption. From a personal point of view, I knew the process would be hard but if I had any inkling as to precisely what we would be put through, I really may have been more reluctant to do it. I have to admit that at least 2 or 3 times through the home study process I almost walked away, but after sleeping on what I was brooding about I always woke up the next day with more determination to press on. And here I am, matched with a child and a week away from meeting my son.

I shall watch next week with interest.


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## somedaysoon (Mar 7, 2013)

Congrats on your match, Vetty! Hope everything goes really well during intros. It's great  how these programmes spark an interest in adoption and I suppose it also gives our family and friends some insight into what we are doing. I do hope that it shows some of the challenges of bringing up an adopted child and how their background influences their behaviour/ how to parent.

Thanks for the information about parents who take drugs too. some of my assumptions were wrong.

Also, great link mafergal with all those programmes. Will definitely be checking those out.


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## GERTIE179 (Apr 20, 2005)

I've not watched this yet but I have to agree overall if it helps folks come forward then it's a good thing. Personally I think it's the SW and Agencies job to ensure folks really understand what's involved and if some folk decide it's not for them or they need time to think more then that's ok (and they be allowed to pick back up after some reflection time rather than have to restart).

Everyone should watch "A home for Maisie" as this was an excellent show that really did show the other side of Kids who've been through trauma.


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

Home for Maisie was very good, but having met Maisie and her family even that was very watered down.


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## mafergal (Jul 31, 2013)

Glad you found it useful somedaysoon. DW stumbled across it & I think it's a great resource. Like Miny Moo says though I'm sure all are sadly watered down versions.


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## Zargus (Jan 9, 2012)

I agree too that these programmes are good for friends and family to watch as it is a bit of an eye opener for them - even if the editing has 'watered' the content down.  My dad has really surprised me.  He would never normally watch these type of programmes, but he has watched them all and rings me immediately afterwards to chat to me about them. 

I've not watched a home for maisie, but will see if I can track it down.


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## mafergal (Jul 31, 2013)

Vetty, it's on my link on the previous page


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## Zargus (Jan 9, 2012)

mafergal said:


> Vetty, it's on my link on the previous page


I didn't have chance to check the link but I'll definitely find time this weekend to have a look. Thanks


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## peacelily (Feb 24, 2006)

Does anyone know when this was filmed? I think it said at the end that they were still looking for a family for Joshua - but the activity day seemed to happen during good weather...last summer?


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## Loopylou29 (Mar 4, 2013)

As the filming was only over 12months they were still looking at the three families who had expressed an interest in him. It maybe that one of those families went on to adopt him but filming had finished. The couple with the young baby were ten months from starting the process to placement.


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