# Skin to skin contact with newborn



## Impatiens (Dec 11, 2012)

Hi all

We went to our first NHS ante natal class today, and the midwife was talking to the group about skin to skin contact just after birth of the baby.

She mentioned some things that worried us slightly- she said about the importance of skin to skin contact with a (heavily emphasised) BIOLOGICAL parent- mentioned that babies who don't get this are subject to trauma comparable to that of a scorpion bite. My DW now is worried that she will harm the baby and cause it to feel scorpion bite sized trauma! Baby will obviously have skin to skin with me- and we had hoped for DW to bond in the same way.

Can anyone shed any sensible light on this? To be honest it was hard enough being there as the obviously lesbian parents- and now we feel confused and worried....

Imp x


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## dingle123 (Jun 16, 2010)

Looking forward to reading the responses to this xx


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## Lollipoppet (Aug 20, 2010)

I am no scientist or nurse but sounds like absolute 'bollards' to me. I reckon she is talking about something she knows nothing about. DH and I used double donor so neither of us has a genetic link, but though it is a slightly different situation DH has no biological link...he had skin to skin contact with ds (he was taken to different hospital as they were worried about his heart so it was just the two of them until he had the all clear and they brought him back). Both twins have thrived...no scorpion-bite affect on either.


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## Impatiens (Dec 11, 2012)

We were frankly astonished and didn't feel as if we could ask- we have very sympathetic community midwife so will ask her privately. 
Just the suggestion that non-biological parental skin to ski contact could be so HARMFUL has upset us both....


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## annie.moon (Sep 16, 2012)

My friend lost so much blood giving birth (don't mean to scare you with that bit) she needed immediate care and the doctors could not let her hold her newborn immediately. Her husband took his shirt off and held their baby boy for several minutes until she was able to do so. His first skin to skin contact was not with his mother. He suffered no trauma and is a beautiful, well-adjusted little fella. Babies need love. That is all. You will be beautiful parents. Don't doubt your instincts.
Annie xx


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## Mercury (Jan 31, 2012)

Speaking as a midwife, this is nonsense. It's understood that there's the potential for a huge bond between the woman who's just given birth and the baby because they both have high levels of hormones such as oxytocin. This has nothing to do with being the biological parent, and isn't essential anyway (for example surrogates or one of you needing medical care after delivery). But having been at a fair few births, I'm confident that oxytocin levels in your partner will be pretty high when your baby's born as well! Bonding between them after birth sounds like a very good idea.

Being close to someone who loves them and wants to protect them can't be harmful. Also, the sound of your partners voice will be one of the few things your baby will recognise and will be calmed by. Please don't worry about doing any harm.


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## deemo (Oct 13, 2009)

> Just the suggestion that non-biological parental skin to ski contact could be so HARMFUL has upset us both....
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Welcome to impending parenthood! You will be given loads of advise from more angles than you ever expect, wanted or unwanted. Some if it will be good. Lots of it will be nonsense. Trust your instinct. Babies need love, you can't give them too much. You will *both* be the baby's parent, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Congratulations on the pregnancy! 
​


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## incywincy (Nov 13, 2011)

She is completely tactless as well as wrong. Aside from having a lesbian couple in her group she doesn't know if any of the straight couples are using donor eggs and/or sperm. 

How would a baby know during initial skin to skin with its dad that he's really its biological father? Many children have been brought up by men who are unknowingly not the biological father and the bond hasn't been any different. Some men choose to bring up another's child, either as a result of known infidelity or meeting the mother after pregnancy. There's so many variables here that just make this midwifes theory bullshine.


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## staceysm (Nov 18, 2010)

OMG, what utter s*it.  Seriously, is this woman for real?

I am pretty normal and not traumatised from having no skin to skin contact 40 years ago?

Poster, you will be fine and seriously what cr*p will they come out with next.

Grrrgh.

X


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## welshginge (Jul 12, 2009)

What a load of bo**ocks! Our DS was 6 weeks early & I didn't hold him for hours after he was born & DW had him  - not skin to skin either & he is a lovely calm, healthy, happy 2 year old. He adores us both BTW, often preferring non bio Mum so no problem with bonding at all. Some preemies cannot be touched for weeks - they're not traumatised. I'd complain if I were you, sounds like homophobia.


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

What a load of cxxp!


For what its worth i did skin to skin contact with my daughter, tbh i thought it was over rated.  I was so out of it (and only had gas and air) that if i was honest i didn't really feel anything.  I certainly didn't feel that huge rush of love others have talked about.


Like someone else said, welcome to the world of mother hood, where everyone wants to tell you what you should do, and a lot of the advise you will receive is text book and not necessarily practical or best for the whole family.  From my experience professionals only talk about what's best for the baby and rarely consider the parents.  Of course we all want to do our best for our child, but there has to be a balance, happy mother happy baby.  Congratulations on your pregnancy. x


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## single.mummy (Mar 12, 2009)

Just to add, that my DP held our DD for skin to skin for about 40 mins after she was born as I then had to go into theatre for stitches. The hospital were great and allowed DP and DD in with me so that I could still see her but DP had loads o skin to skin with DD and DD loves DP to bits.
I agree with complaining to the Trust, whether she was homophobic or just insensitive to the couples in the group she obviously needs more training in how to deal with people!
Congrats on your pregnancy!


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## Chopio (Dec 15, 2011)

Scorpion bite my a*se! 

The idea of a baby having skin-to-skin with some random person from outside their immediate family does feel really weird to me.  You don't see midwives tucking random baby's under their shirts! If someone is their parent though then surely its just a really important comforting thing? The whole bio/no-bio thing doesn't even come into it.

We are hoping for my partner to have the first skin-to-skin and then lots of regular sessions in the first few days. I read something about how important it is for the birth mother to have enough skin-to-skin time to help her milk to come in. Not sure how that all works yet but I'm sure it won't mean that the other mother has to miss out at all.

If you didn't want to do a formal complaint I think an informal letter to the midwife explaining how it made you guys feel would still be really valuable. The NHS spends a small fortune on equalities training for all front-line staff so there is no excuse for her attitude.


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## welshginge (Jul 12, 2009)

Chopio - my DS was in hospital for 3 weeks & if any of the preemies were upset at night (with no parent there) the nurses would tuck them under their uniform. They did it with DS & told us about it & I felt fine with it because he was being comforted & not left to cry. 

Hope your feeling well! xxx


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## cutelittlepumpkin (Nov 1, 2007)

As a nurse and (almost qualified MW) I would like to say what utter bo?*%$ks, skin to skin is important and research does demonstrate that the birth mother is best at regulating the babies temperature and heart rate as her hormones have prepaired her to do just that, but skin to skin with anyone is calming and comforting and a wonderful way for you or DW to bond!! Also that MW needs shooting as she has just planted the seeds for postnatal depression in any woman in that class who experiences a preterm delivery and does not manage skin to skin!! Bloody idiot!! 


Hugs! Ignore the homophob and enjoy your pg!


CLP


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## Impatiens (Dec 11, 2012)

Thanks all, so much. We have been hugely comforted and reassured by the replies here- there is no way we will deny either baby or DW skin to skin and indeed spoke to senior midwife at ante natal classes 2 and 3 and she was so inclusive of DW there- it seems it really depends on who you get?

We are now 36 weeks so nearly ready and v excited, terrified and if only I could sort out my painful pelvis (physio today, suspected SPD) then we'd be almost ready for the new arrival.....I think  

Thanks all- you really helped us xx


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Impatiens


I remember that feeling of being near your due date.  You kind of finish work then wait for things to start happening! I was so scared and worried, but it was all ok and at the end of the day i brought home a healthy baby so thats all that matters. xx


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## BizzE3 (Dec 9, 2010)

What a load of nonsense it could be harmful! Skin to skin contact is calming and reassuring for the baby and a wonderful bonding experience for parents. After my partner gave birth we both had skin to skin contact as soon as the baby was born. The midwives were very supporting of this for both of us. Don't miss out on the basis of some bad advice, I'm sure your baby won't experience a scorpion bite! 
I hope things improve for you both at the antenatal classes, we had one awkward moment with a particular midwife, but this was a one off and on the whole it was really helpful x


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## mondaybaby (Oct 5, 2012)

makes me mad to read the original post, HCP's on the whole need some decent training!  Skin to skin is most important for the mommy giving birth if you intend to breastfeed but has massive benefits for baby and your partner whether they are another mommy or a daddy. And it does not need to stop at birth, I still do skin to skin (mostly in a sling) when my boy is feeling grotty and he is nearly 2 x


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