# New to this whole thing



## Mogget (Jan 3, 2011)

I am *very* new to this.

My partner and I have known we wanted kids for a long time.  But we've never really thought seriously about it - you know, in detail, actually doing something about it.

Then at New Year we found out that a friend of ours is pregnant, and it got us thinking.  My partner (M) is 30, and she feels she doesn't want to wait too much longer.  We have a 2 year old niece who we adore, my cousin and her partner had a baby not too long ago, and various other people we know are having babies, and it's really made us think.

I am totally confused, I think my partner is too, but I've generally got more time to think about these things.

We aren't fully decided on which of us would carry the child; we always said it would be my partner (I have bipolar disorder, I'm stable on meds, but would have to come off at least one of them as it carries a very strong risk of the baby being born with spina bifida).  But, in practical terms, my partner is self employed, so no maternity pay or whatever, whereas I'd get 18 weeks maternity leave on full pay.  This is even assuming we could afford the treatment.

We're going to the London Women's Clinic open day in Darlington in a few weeks so hopefully we'll get our questions answered.  

Sorry that was a bit rambly, it helps to get some of what's in my head down on "paper", I can organise it a bit better!

Thanks if you read this far,

Mogget x


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## ♥JJ1♥ (Feb 11, 2006)

Good luck I hope lwc help you and give you lots of info to help you decide. I thought that it is possible now for parents to share the mat leave entitlement so maybe your partner could go back to work after recovering and you could take the rest of the time-

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Moneyandworkentitlements/WorkAndFamilies/Paternityrightsintheworkplace/DG_190788

maybe ask the FF advisor's on the work issues threads as they'd know more. Also if your partner is older maybe best to let her try first as her fertile peak will be over sooner, I didn't start until I was 36 and still going at 42 as I probably started too late.

Wishing you luck

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## Lucky1968 (Jul 12, 2007)

If your partner has been paying tax it is very likely that she is entitled to maternity allowance (£124 a week for 39 weeks) which should help.
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Expectingorbringingupchildren/DG_10018869

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