# At 42 - more treatment or moving on time?



## fionaro (Aug 9, 2006)

Just signed up to FF and wanted to say hello. I'm 42 and thinking about giving IVF (actually ARGC has advised ICSI this time) another go. 

I'm finding it really hard to make the decision. DH (younger than me) still really wants a baby but doesn't want to put me under pressure. Part of me just wants to move on now and not put myself through all the stress again but the other half still desperately wants it. I don't want to have regrets later in life.

Anyone in a similar situation?


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## Lorri (Apr 17, 2005)

Hi Fionaro
I am having the same dilemma. I have had 3 failed ICSI, all at ARGC. We said we would only do 3, but I feel so sad and lost, don't know what to do. My 2nd go wasn't a 'proper' go as I lost most of my eggs due to early ovulation, and only 2 out of 9 fertilised on my 3rd go, but all these problems could just be a sign to me to say STOP.  
As good as ARGC's results are, they don't succeed with everyone, but I went there thinking it was my best chance. Their regime is pretty stressful, which I am now thinking could be a factor. Have you considered going oversees (eg New York ?) where the success rates are higher and they can put more embies back ? I think I read somewhere the costs are not too dissimilar. 
Anyway, my dh said that if I wanted another go, he would support me. Not sure I can do it again. If I do, I doubt it will be at ARGC.

I would welcome any opinions, is it time to give up or should I try again ? Am I too old (42 in a couple of months) ? I am not sure I could take another failure - maybe its time to move on or consider donor.

x


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## fionaro (Aug 9, 2006)

Hi Lorrie
Poor you, what a horrible time you've had.

If I had tried as many times as you I would certainly not look back later in life and have regrets. You've tried so hard. 

Maybe it is time to move on? I'm sure this doesn't help because wanting a baby is just so deep within.... but my philosophy (when I'm feeling strong which isn't always but shines through sometimes) is that having a baby isn't the only route to happiness, ie it's not about ending up with a happy life or an awful life, but just different choices which can both lead equally to happiness and / or pain.  

Do keep in touch with what you decide.  

As for me, the process at ARGC does all sound incredibly demanding, and particularly not living in London, I find the thought of it very off-putting.  Maybe we'll look into NY. Wouldn't know where to begin with finding a clinic though.  

Fionaro


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## zora (Sep 30, 2005)

Hi Fionaro and Lorrie really glad I foudn this thread as I'm really feeling out of it at the moment. After 2 failed ICSIs with poorr results and a myomectomy to remove fibroids today got the news that my FSH has rocketed so IVF will not be useful for me. Only good thing is I'm still ovulating .Choices are try naturally , IUI or donor eggs. Can't get my head around the latter yet and of course with the first 2 the chances are slim.I'm 42  DH younger than me really feel for him . Gutted at the moment and wonering whether to just give up  and move on .


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## fionaro (Aug 9, 2006)

Hi Zora
Have you tried / considered acupuncture? I have heard that it can be useful in bringing FSH levels down.  I'm no expert but it might be worth going on to the complimentary therapies chat area and asking if others know more. Also, in my experience, some years ago, I found acupuncture fantastic for stress, so worth considering anyway. 
Fionaro

PS My sister just got pregnant naturally after a course of acupuncture for endometriosis. She'd be told she'd never conceive naturally!


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## sazz (Jun 1, 2005)

Hi Fionaro, Lorri and Zora,
Am also v.glad that ı've found this thread as I'm also feeling despondant abt. treatment right now.Am in the middle of ICSI cycle-but at scan this morning, the dr only found 2 follies (there were 4 last thursday!!!)
I didn't know what to say and just muttered an "is there any point in continuing?" To which he replied that we shld go for it b/c next cycle there may be even less follies..... (at my age-41)

I read a good post s/where on FF where the reply said they wanted to give up FT but didn't know how to. Think that's me right now. 
Take care all
Sazz


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## druzy (Jan 25, 2006)

Hi everyone and Lorri - I think we've posted each other before.  

I'm 41 and just on day 10 of my third IVF, by the way the stimming went much better for me on Menopure than Puregon if that's of any interest to anyone, it's meant to be better for the over 35s and certainly was for me, I got 8 embryos instead of only 3 on #2 with Puregon 300.  I had a biochemical for #1, nothing for #2 and now I have a feint positive on an ultra early test on day 10 post ET (what a child!) but have bleeding so am fearing another biochemical.  I've heard about implantations, and bleeding and still positive et al but I dunno, I'll just have to see where I am on proper test day, Monday 14th.

All the above aside for now, I know just where you all are.  I mentally thought I 'd just do 3 IVFs and call it a day.  I now have 5 frosties so having paid for them I will do them... but...as to whether to do another full IVF with my own eggs, it's a difficult one and at this sort of age.  It's like gambling, where do you draw the line - I've ranted all this before....It's like, just one more, I'll get a payback...

I think to myself that I have really pretty much come to terms with donor eggs and have researched IM in Barcelona.  I know it's not exactly the same, but I'm pretty sure I would feel that a child I gave birth to would be my own.  It would be half DH's and also, my cons told me, stem cells pass between mother and baby through the umbilical cord and so - you share some of the same DNA by carrying the child....it would be, personally, my first choice over adoption.  The stats are around 60% success rate,  IVI in Valencia says 95% over 4 cycles on its website.  If you'd asked me a year ago if I would do donor eggs I would have, I dunno, fainted!  but, in a way, with IVF, you get let down slowly over a period of time and sites like this help things like DE become normalised - don't you think?

I also thought about NY and the fact that they put more back.  Does anyone know about any clinics and costs there?  

I also think about how I would feel if not even donor eggs worked - at the moment the idea of that helps me cope, it's like, that will work, don't worry.  BUT - eek, it's not 100% is it!  IM in Barcelona apparently have a scheme whereby you pay 30,000 euros and if it doesn't work after 3 cycles, and possibly one frozen, you get something like 20,000 back.  So I guess they are reasonably confident.  Another gamble.  Do you reckon on it working first time and pay £7000 or go for the package?  Cos, if it works first time, you don't get any money back and have paid 30,000 euros (£21,000) just for one go.

It does you head in doesn't it!

So, sorry ladies, not many solutions, but I know how you feel.  There's no "right" decision I guess, you just have to think it all through and decide what's best for you I suppose.  So much scope for "what ifs" but I guess there always is?

Any ideas?

love Druzy xx


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## fionaro (Aug 9, 2006)

Hi Druzy
I'll be thinking of you on Monday. 
Hearing from all you other over 40s is giving me strength to give it another go.
Fionaro


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## janeup (Jan 15, 2005)

Druzy - all the best for you on Monday too - we are starting a DE treatment in September so very interested to read  your email. It's been a struggle but a good choice for us in the end xx


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## druzy (Jan 25, 2006)

thanks Janeup, be nice to hear how you get on.  Where are you going?

I just phoned the clinic, they said test again on proper day with clearblue test.  They had had a case from an egg sharer lady who had a really heavy AF, clots and everything! - but turned out to be positive and gave birth!  But it's v. rare and I'm pretty sure it's biochemical, this isn't false pessism - be nice though if I was wrong!

The nurse seemed to think that moving onto DEs at my age after 3 x IVFs was probably the right step so am planning to email IM in Barcelona asap to hopefully get it done before the end of 2006.  I don't know if there will be time though with Xmas and everything.  Airports going crazy doesn't help either does it?  That's all we need on top of it all.

love

Druzy xx


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## larkles (Jun 29, 2005)

Hi All

Phew, lots of things I can relate to here

Me 42, DH 45-this will be our 9th attempt!!! 

We're trying Marbella for DE as costs are much lower than Barcelona £4,000 tops including all, appnt in sept & they put up to 3 back. NY not sure of costs but here's a link for going abroad for tx: http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php/board,119.0.html have a search through I do remember someone going to NY

Druzy-best of luck for Monday

Thinking of moving on but it's very hard, I still have hope, nah it's really hard to give up!

Larkles
xx


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## beanie10 (Jun 11, 2005)

Hi Ladies,

I hope you don't mind me joining in, I had 2 failed IVF's in the UK (at great cost) we then decided to go down the donor egg route, we chose Ceram Marbella, yes they are cheaper, but the main reason was Ruth the english nurse who works there. They also match up blood group, both DH and myself are rhesus neg, we had to wait longer for a donor but we didn't mind.

The whole process was much more relaxed and Dr B was fantastic, we had 2 lovely beans put on board and I just knew I was pg, I had nausea very soon and its getting stronger every day.

As far as I'm concerned this is our baby, I'm just really grateful to the lovely donor angel who has given us the opportunity to become parents, we did think about it for a long time but I'm so glad we went down this route.

good luck to all of you whatever you decide to do.

Just one more thing, I have a friend who had been trying for years (naturally) she fell pg at 43 with her first child, who is now 18mths old, my friend was told she was very lucky but wouldn't have anymore, guess what at 45 she is about to have her 2nd child in sept, miracles do happen 

big hugs
beanie


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## druzy (Jan 25, 2006)

Hello everyone - this is a helpful thread for me too - good to hear from others at similar point.

congratulations Beanie 10 I'm really glad to hear it was positive to for you and all about Ceram being a good clinic.

Good luck larkles with carrying on, I'm not giving up yet either!

best wishes

Druzyxx


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## KatyGirl (Jun 28, 2006)

Hi Lorri 
I don't usually post here, so I hope you don't mind me butting in but I saw your post.  

It sounds as tho you have had a hard time Lorri and you sound so despondent I wanted to send you a  .  I know a little of how you feel.  I hope you find the strength to continue your dream if you want to and its good that your dh is supportive. 

I don't know if it helps to hear random stories from strangers (and sometimes its just plain irritating) - but here goes - my sis lives in the US and insists I should go there for treatment.  She had IVF and was successful at age 44.  I have decided to try my luck at ARGC for my 4th ICSI as I think I would be getting divorced if I said I wanted to go to the US.  

I don't know what else to say - just your post touched me.  Its all so unfair....sending you cyber strength and encouragement.
Love
Katy


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