# Is it true that you have to ...



## WildLife (Jan 2, 2006)

... take the adopted child to see their biological parents throughout their childhood?  I am more than happy for a child to know they're adopted but I think that taking a child to and for between parents must make bonding difficult and confuse a child completely.

Sorry if this is a daft question.


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## curvycat (Apr 8, 2008)

Hi hun

No question is a silly question. 

Contact depends on the situation of the child.

Most ss will ask that you have indirect contact with birth family at least once a yr. Indirect contact means sending and recieving a letter. 

Sometimes they may ask for direct contact with either birth family or siblings this is a face to face meeting arranged at a safe enviroment. 

Contact requirments depend on lots of things such as age and it is up to you to do the best for the child once you have legally adopted the child. No ss can enforce anything. 

I hope this has answered your question


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## Gem78 (Apr 10, 2009)

Hi,  hope you dont mind me replying to your post, but thought i may ber able to offer a different view...

I am a social worker, and am assistant manager of a fostering agency. (Im not an expert on adoption, but know a bit about assessments and  i sit on a fostering panel, if any one has any questions feel free to ask, ill try and help) Oh and also, as you can see i have my own fertility issues, so please dont feel i am here as a social worker... at some point i may be deciding this route too!

Anyway the reason i am posting is that i have some expereince of working with adoptive children, sibling groups etc, I feel that to some extent that is is good for children to know their realtity.  Contact provided it is well thought out, timely, safe, and well supervised can be a very postive thing for your child. (and you!) When children are matched properly and the adoption has been managed well and sensitively (allowing time for settling) children can cope with knowing about thier familys, and sometimes meeting with them.  yes, it can cause some disprtutions and this should be carefully montiored, but they will have bonded with you and expereince you as their mum or dad, you will be meeting all their needs, providing all the warmth, love, security that they need.  What you may find is that these visits are just that (usually once/ twice per year, superivsed at a family centre, sometimes not with parents but with siblings) They grow up knowing the reality of their birth family, there are no fantasy's...they know exactly what the alternative would be.  Does that make sense? they find a sense of calm from having a full understanding.  They will know the difference between your family (the one to which they belong) and their birth family (the one that for what ever reason wasnt able to  care for them). Im not saying that this is right for everybody by any means, everybody is different, and you may only feel able to offer letter box contact for example. ultimately the decsion is yours, you must do what you feel is right for your child.  If you are at all interested in knowing more about this there is a lot of research that has been carried out, im sure if you google thissubject lots will come up.

Anyway, sorry for babbling..

Good luck

Gemma.


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## ♥ M J ♥ (Apr 17, 2004)

Hi

There is differant contact agreements made for every child and when you go through home study it is talked about what YOU can deal with so when your being looked at for children they dont ask you to read paperwork on a child who has contact issues that you dont want.

*Direct contact with member/s of birth family (this could be birth parent/s, grand parents or siblings)
*Indirect contact which is a letter, can be with or without photos (if sending pics you could send from the yr before) and is a set amount of times a year. this is done at times for siblings too if it is felt not a good thing to have direct contact for eg if older siblings in foster care and have direct contact with birth family and person info could be found out about your childs new life with you. 
*No contact at all- some people dont want contact with the children whom they have lost.

hope this helps

xxx


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## Guest (Apr 17, 2009)

We have direct contact with the birth mother of our three - for them, now, we feel is is right, but it does depend on a huge variety of things.  

We see her about twice a year, in a neutral venue for about an hour with their SW present.  We do get a small backlash, but it has stopped some of the fantasy stuff we used to get and we feel it helps them to know the truth about their early lives and some of the stuff that happened.  Luckily for us she is able to support us as adoptive parents and that is a huge help.  

I did read extensively about it before we agreed and it is still at our discretion so if we feel it is no longer appropriate we can stop it.  

Hope that helps
Bop


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## Diz74 (Jan 1, 2007)

I think you have to always bear in mind what is in the best interests of the child.  For some that could be no contact, for others it could be indirect or direct contact.  We had a session on birth parents at our prep group and it really helped us to see things from their point of view.

We're approved and waiting, not adopted yet.  Like I say it's what's in the best interests of the child really.

x


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