# Why Oh Why Do We Do This To Ourselves???



## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

Hi Girls

Well here i am once again in the 2ww along with many of you.  I worked out today that this is actually my 87th month of waiting and you would seriously think by now that I would have developed some kind of patience during this time but, oh no, not me    .  Even after all this time I find myself still analysing every single little twinge and pain and hopping on the internet to see if maybe it could be a very early pregnancy symptom AAARRRGGGHHHH - somebody please   

Okay, so this is what happened.  Last week, Tuesday, I caught another nasty cold so for the rest of the week wasnt really too concerned with "am I PG" or not as was feeling rotten anyway.  Then since Friday have been feeling really exhausted but unable to sleep properly, like really bad insomnia.  Yesterday I was trying to get to sleep at 10am (yep, got up early, then was so exhausted after just a couple hours had to go back to bed!) and suddenly got pain in left BB, like little pins stabbing.  It was actually very painful and after about a half minute had to turn over (i sleep on my stomach) then it went away about 2 mins later.  Then about 6pm last night got similar sensation (wasnt lying down this time) in the other BB lasting about 2 mins then just went away.  This is weird for me as I never get tenderness at all through my cycles or TOTM so this is new for me.  On Friday night too I found I also had a slight twinge sensation around where i imagine my right ovary might be.  Wasnt sore, just twingey and was on and off for about an hour or two then nothing.

All day yesterday Im on the internet scouring websites for opinions from women about their earliest symptoms and its driving me crazy.  Today Im still in my knackered-but-cant-sleep phase and the sore BBs have gone (just a tiny bit tender if I touch) and now im thinking why am I wasting my time doing all this?  Im only gonna build up my hopes even more and be even more devasted if I get another BFN  

My sister also rang last night and was discussing it with her.  She has had 5 kids but wouldnt tell me all her symptoms as she didnt want to put ideas into my head! lol  The rest of the time was spent talking about my very pregnant 17yr old niece whos baby was due last Monday but who still hasnt gone into labour yet.  I think this is the main reason I so desperately want it to be BFP this month.  Its killing me knowing my young niece is about to have her dream come true (yes she has been trying to get PG since age 14 - dont ask!!! LOL) and here I am struggling with these BFNs month in month out, year in year out.  Somewhere in my mind I just feel if I could PG this month it would make it all better (dont we all feel that way)

So please, someone, give me a    as I seriously need a reality check to bring me back to earth again.  Oh, and I also forgot to say, that after my sister's insistance I did an ultra early PG test (8DPO) and of course it was negative   which I knew it would be so why did I do it?

HELP before I lose my sanity to the world wide web of early pregnancy symptom articles for ever!!

Hugs

Witchie Poo Cat


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## KerryB (Mar 7, 2005)

Oh Witchie, I don't know what to say. I guess as time goes on its gets more difficult doesn't it. I'm sorry your early PG etest was negative, but naughty you for testing so early! I'm keeping everything crossed for you for this cycle hun. Stay  as much as you can.

LoL
xxxx


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## flowerpot (Jan 20, 2005)

It never gets easier hun, and there is no point in me telling you otherwise!!

Here are the peestick police naughty girl


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## Mrs Nikki (Nov 13, 2004)

STEP AWAY FROM THE PEE STICK  

It is a nightmare hun but like flower says it never gets an easier sadly.


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## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)




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## Pumpkin Pie (Feb 28, 2006)

oh witchie poo,

the waiting game is an absolute nightmare, as i posted previously I HATE IT !!!

it's just the not knowing, you'd think by now after me already having a little girl that I would be relaxed and know if i were pregnant or not but to be totally honest the month i fell pregnant with dd was absolutley no different whatsoever to any other cycle month. i then was convinced af was on it's way too.

it is a matter of just riding it out (why am i good at giving advice yet i can't actually listen to myself).

i really, really hope that it's your month as you really deserve it babes. xxxxxxx


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## Vikster (Oct 11, 2005)

Hun, I know exactly what you mean its so frustrating.  Everytime I get a twinge or I get thirsty or sore boobs I think the same.  I am on my 2 week window too but only on 3rd DPO.  I then start planning everything with hubby < stupid i know but i guess you do plan your dreams.  No matter what your head says your heart tells you something else.

Just relax and try to take your mind off it (difficult I know) and if your body needs sleep try to allow it to rest.

 

take care Vik


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## Tulip78 (Mar 7, 2006)

Hey there,

This baby making, pill popping, crazy stuff definitely messes with our heads, and no matter how many times we tell ourselves that we will be chilled and not analyze everything, we always do, it's definitely just the nature of what we are doing, after all how can we not think about things, we are constantly thinking about taking the crazy pills, attending follicle tracking appointments, having blood tests, doing HPT etc etc and everyone you know or meet seems to be Pregnant!! arghhhhhhhhhhhh its just impossible!!

I know it's hard and soooo frustrating but hang on in there, until AF arrives you just never know!

Fingers x'd for you.   

Good luck & take care

Tulip xx


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## Witchie Poo Cat (Aug 12, 2005)

ladies for all your wonderful words of support, and also to the peestick  for giving me that  I needed! 

Been on a downer all day today since posting this morning. After all those symptoms over the weekend I can honestly say I have absolutely none now, and feel no different to normal - albeit a bit more tired and tearful.

Was also naughty on the diet all of last week resulting in a 1.6lbs gain this week which I was expecting. Was supposed to be going straight today but felt so  got hubby to bring in a last round of creme eggs and we went shopping to the Trafford Centre and bought some books and had a pizza hut after which cheered me up! Amazing how food can do that eh? 

Bought Zita Wests book about fertility to add to my ever expanding collection and also bought the optimum nutrition bible as well. Basically gonna try and just eat as best i can and hopefully then I can say that at least i know my diet isnt contributing to my infertility even if my BMI might be.

Got news today too that my 17yr old niece is being induced on Wednesday so finally the baby will be born and I can deal with it and move on. I feel horrible not being able to share in her obvious joy. Thankfully my sister seems to understand this now and doesnt rub my nose in it any more.

So, tomorrow is a new day. Ive got an appt with the personal trainer at the gym  what a laugh, think ive been 5 or 6 times in the 6 weeks since i joined due to all these colds I keep catching there. Going to ask him to do a 2 week high intensity/2 week low intensity workout for me so I can stop obsessing about whether or not im doing too much during the 2ww.

Thanks again to all of you for giving me your views. Did I mention Im going to have to give up the midwife counsellor? Yep, I did see her and it was great speaking to her but the counselling is held in the ante natal clinic and I just cant bring myself to go and sit with all those pregnant women each week. I think it so insensitive to have infertility counselling in an area that is full of babies and pregnant women. Hey ho, so my search is on for infertility support elsewhere. Going to ask my GP if she knows of anywhere else. Checked out I N UK but they dont have a group near me. If anyone knows of anywhere in Manchester/Bolton area that is free then please let me know.

Thanks for listening. Sending lots of    
  
   
   
  
 ​  to everyone.

Hugs

Witchie Poo Cat


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