# Need some support like never before



## Peace50 (Sep 5, 2011)

As I type I'm crying uncontrollably, I feel like a fool... I can't even pin point what is wrong but I just feel lost and alone. In 2 weeks time I would have been giving birth if I didn't m/c following icsi, instead I'm going for a biopsy to rule anything out before starting our final icsi cycle.. I really thought I was coping, haven't cried for ages but the last week I just cry all the time, I know I should move on but the only way to describe it is that my heart feels numb, I feel numb, I go through the motions of life but I can't remember the last time I laughed or felt happy, I just feel sad and like I'm a failure. Can someone please tell me if this is normal, I feel ridiculous, the miscarriage was 6 months ago. I just feel like the whole ivf journey and struggle has just finally hit me all at once, my brave face has finally crumbled. I now have literally zero control of my emotions or feelings. My husbands great but he doesn't get it, how can I expect him to when I don't get it. Someone please tell me I'm not going insane because that's what it feels like


----------



## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

it sounds to me like you need to let go of all the tears and anguish and let out all those pent up emotions in order to clear out your body ready for your next embies to make a home. i think it is probably good that you are experiencing this as the letting go of all that has to help set the place ready. Just get a big box of tissues and after a while you will probably feel a bit better because you can see it (the tears thing) as a natural part of your healing process ready for your next cycle.  I don't think crying is a sign of not coping, i think it is just the same as putting on a brave face, everyone copes in different ways at different times. i think the miscarriage may stay with you forever 6 months isn't long to grieve, but, you can put it away in a safe corner of your heart and move on bravely. crying is just nature's spring cleaning process. xx


----------



## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

Aww honey you are completely normal...I have been through all of those emotions before I had my chicldren and then after my miscarriages. I used to feel such despair that I honestly thought I was going round the bend, I couldn't think straight and would cry and scream until I made myself ill. It doesn't matter that your m/c was 6 months ago...time is a healer but believe me 6 months is nothing especially with having your due date looming.

I wish I could make things right for you but all I can say is to go easy on yourself as everything your feeling is natural so if you want to vent come on here to do it if you don't think your dh can understand how deeply your still hurting.

Take care and lots of love xxxx


----------



## Stubborn (Jul 1, 2011)

Sweetheart, 6 months isn't long. There is nothing wrong with feeling the hurt and pain. You are not going insane.  I felt numb for months after I lost our son.  I don't really remember the first few months after the loss.

You are normal, and I can promise you the pain does ease.

Take care of yourself   

xx S


----------



## katehe (Mar 27, 2011)

Hi there.  I had a meltdown a couple of months ago at work when I took the phone call not to try again with my own eggs. I had no control over my emotions and feared I would never get out of that dark place. I can say now that I am still tearful most weeks but do not feel that awful raw black feeling.. It will get better, allow yourself to grieve and to feel up and down- you have to ride through it. Have you thought about grief counselling? This is what I had, and it really helped  put my thoughts into words and I realised how hard I was being on myself. I love my husband to the end of the world,but I knew he would not be able to meet my emotional needs. Xxxx


----------



## Peace50 (Sep 5, 2011)

Thanks everyone for your support, I'm having a better day today, can't believe I did it but today I emailled my husband every one of my fertility friends posts so he can actually get a real understanding of my journey, my feelings of despair, hopelessness and guilt. I'm sure when he'll get in well have a good chat, I just need to remove some of this weight from me to move on. Can't believe I was so naive to enter into ivf thinking it would be a easy... Boy was I wrong. Thanks again ladies your kind words are so appreciated,


----------



## isobel snow drop (Feb 2, 2009)

I'm glad we have reassured you that you're 'normal' ;-) good idea to have emailed the posts to your dh as sometimes these things are hard to say face to face....I struggle now to bring up our m/cs with my dh or even my mum.
On a positive note you are young and you have proved that your body can get pregnant so I have every faith you will get there in the end.

Take care
Isobel xxx


----------



## Angelic star (Nov 8, 2012)

Hiya 

i just read your post and all i could think was this girl is describing exactly how i feel.  This year has been completely driven by IVF and my hubby is sick of hearing about it, so this is why i have joined this community.  All i want is to not be consumed by having a baby, every thing i do is driven about getting pregnant, im not going to eat that cos it might affect my eggs, i wont do sit ups cos it'll affect my eggs, im doing my own head in and i am going to go clean mad if i dont get a hold of myself.  I cry all the time but i try not to in front of my DH, he gets angry with me saying that im going to make myself sick!!  I just wanted to let you know that I get those feelings you have described and i do know that some day they'll eventually fade

Im glad to hear your doing better today, stay strong and positive


----------

