# If I'd have known then what I know now.................



## Fertilityhawk (Jan 22, 2015)

Ok peeps I've been thinking a lot about our infertility "journey" (eyes roll) so far.  We've had 3 failed IVF/ICSI and I'm now told that I have a crap egg problem even though my FSH is around 4.4.  Can't remember what my AMH is.  We've now been advised to try Donor Egg but before we do that we've been told that it would be helpful to have a karyotype blood test to see if there are any issues with my chromosomes.  The test is £500.  This got me to think well what if the test came back as positive that there are issues and no amount of IVF/ICSI would help me get pregnant.

Then it got me thinking, why the hell haven't I had this test before?   Why the hell hasn't a GP or consultant mentioned this test before  If it turns out that I do have issues this could have saved us thousands of pounds and years of heartache.  

My friend suggested that I should write a blog but I can't be bothered with all of that so wanted to moot about some idea's on here and what tips people had to newbies about what they have learnt along the way and what they would have done different with the benefit of hindsight.

So here are mine, I'm sure i'll think of loads more later:-

- Cheat Sheet of all the tests that should be carried out before going onto IVF.  I was so naïve at the start of all of this that I just wanted to get on with my first round of IVF and didn't pay enough attention to the investigations leading up to IVF.
- Read the book It Starts with an egg and take from it some tips for changing your diet.  I don't believe that you can fully follow the plan long term but something is better than nothing and small lifestyle changes can help.
- Don't readily accept the "unexplained" badge.  I agree wholeheartedly with Professor Robert Winston that this generalization is used too much.  I bet only a very small percentage of people have genuine "unexplained infertility"
- Get reading!!  Get to know how IVF cycles work.  In our first cycle I didn't have a clue but you quickly get to be an expert.  Don't be afraid to question a nurse or consultant about things, at the end of the day its your body.  On our 3rd round I felt that I was given my trigger shot too early and really had wished that I'd have spoken up.
- Don't let IVF becoming all consuming.  I did to start off with and it nearly sent me over the edge.  It's hard not to though.  I got over it by walking across fields with my dog, going to the coast and pretty much everything with my DH and Dog.  I actually think I'd have gone mad without the dog.

I'm sure i'll be back on when I think of other things I wish I'd have known at the start of this.

I'll end with a quote from another thread that I saw the other day which made me chuckle no end.  This lady said

"I find it incredible that a couple can just have a    and end up pregnant"


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Good idea!

Just a quick tuppence to add...


Don't accept that it is 'just your age'. I went through 2 failed own egg IVF which - to be fair - probably was because of my age. But I then had 4 failed donor egg (she was 25) and 1 early m/c. It obviously wasn't just my age  Having been treated empirically with Prednisone on our last attempt (which worked), I may have had immune issues.

Don't accept that it is a female thing if the initial male tests are passed. MY OH was told his sperm was all normal...but it turns out for our 8th cycle he had high dna fragmentation. A simple course of vitamins helped (sigh). Wish we had done that test earlier...

Keep a diary - online on FF or privately at home. Really useful for pouring out your heart without boring people who don't understand AND useful for checking back on previous cycles (although hopefully if you do all Fertilityhawk's advice it will work 1st time!)

Turia x


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## Wishings15 (Mar 27, 2015)

* be careful about who you tell about your infertility joinery & * if your tubes are closed, always, always, check there not leaking toxic fluid x


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## Miss Sunshine22 (Mar 12, 2013)

Ditto Wishing - always, always make sure you don't have hydros.

Ditto Turia - don't be fobbed off with "It's your age" if you feel you have additional problems (in our case, we wasted 3 OE transfers before bilateral hydros, high sperm DNA fragmentation, adenomyosis, and immune issues were found).

To add to this - don't assume that just because one hysteroscopy is normal that you don't/won't need another one. I had one in 2014 that showed no issues/problems. A subsequent one in 2016 showed adenomyosis on the fundus of the uterus, which is right where embryos tend to implant. By this stage, we had wasted x 2 top quality DE blasts.


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## Angedelight (Aug 17, 2012)

Loving this!

-Don't trust the professionals, they all say something different anyway! Read as much as you can and wish they offered qualifications in reproductive sciences as you'd achieve one.
-Get copies of your notes and read them 
-Know everyone  will have a story/knows someone that knows someone that just relaxed/stopped thinking about it and it just happened! 
-Be prepared for people to say 'oh well you can just adopt!' like it's as easy as popping to the shop!.
-It does take a toll on your relationship. You're in this together, keep talking to each other, stay on the same page and don't let it get between you.
-Be kind to yourself. This stuff is hard. Don't force yourself to do things. Especially not baby showers. After a failed round of treatment these must be avoided!.
-Consider counselling. It's done wonders for me.
-Find something you enjoy to help you manage it all- for me it's been exercise, baking, reading and getting out with my dog.
-Do not take the 2WW off, you'll send yourself mad with google if you're anything like me.
-Take a break from social media- it can be overwhelming at times, concentrate on yourself.

I'm sure I have loads more!!
X


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## Efi78 (Jun 26, 2017)

If you have male factor definitely visit a urologist-male fertility specialist. Gyencologists fertility specialists kept telling me that there is no point and were treating me. in the end i ignored them and my hubby's oligospermia and dna fragmentation was due to pituitary tumor. the idiots! they would leave the man untreated. however after their mistakes years went by and i am now nearly 40 ie old eggs. I still covceive easily though but miscarry. of course they still say "age issue"  you know what? my gut feeling is high nk cells and i wil test. how do these people  obtain medical degrees?


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## cosmopolitan4112008 (Oct 18, 2013)

-If your protocol didnt yield good results, dont have another round with the same one.  
- thyroid is always checked, but some women from the very start have coagulation issues and they dont know about it. I would put this to be tested from the very beginning.


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## chini (Sep 26, 2017)

What a great topic! Thanks for everyone who shared their experiences, this is really eye-opening for a first timer like me!

Turia - can I ask you what vitamins helped for your partner's DNA fragmentation? We were told my dp might have them, but by the time he went to his test he had been on a vitamin plan for a couple of months, and the results were really good (less than 5% fragementation). We really had to fight to get the test done, though.

Efi78 - you're totally right about how they would investigate the female ad infinitum, but seem not interested at all in investigating male fertility issues, which is so infuriating!


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## Turia (Feb 2, 2013)

Hi Chini
Gosh I forgot about this thread....it was a good one!

OH just went on 3 months of the Wellman Vitamins - available from most chemists and supermarkets!  He also cut down on alcohol (but not cut out) and he used a cushion between his iPad and his 'bits'  . That was all the changes he had to make in 8 cycles of treatment gggrrrr     

Glad your partners frag improved... That's a great score!
Turia x


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## Phatty (Jan 31, 2011)

Great idea for a thread. You ladies have mentioned pretty much things I would have. One thing which caused me a lot of heart ache and pain was not knowing (till damage was already done) that the hcg trigger shot takes so long to leave your system (I think about 2 weeks? Plz correct me if I’m wrong, it’s been so long). If you test too early, the + you see could be from that.


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## CopperBird (Jan 10, 2016)

I was naïve to think one round of ICSI with known sperm morphology problems would give us instant success.....

Always do your own research, ask questions and look at the success rates. Also check the nhs funding you are entitled to. Fertility consultants don't always consider alternative options. We have to trust in what they say but I think they forget most of us don't earn what they do and should be more realistic about the outcome.

If we had listened to our GP who suggested we go straight for a donor (which we were both happy to do) we could've had 6 DIUI and one donor IVF NHS funded cycles. Instead we went along with the recommended full biological ICSI which resulted in 2 poor quality embryos. Only then were advised to use the donor but because we'd already had the ICSI the donor IUI and IVf were no longer funded.

Unfortunately neither worked for us in the end but at least we'd be 10k better off


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