# Not sure what to do for the best



## Specky77 (Aug 5, 2004)

Hiya

We are going to be starting along the lines of surrogacy very soon but I'm just a bit concerned about when best to join. After8 bfns we have spoken to our consultant at the argc and asked if he would be prepared to let us try finding a surrogate. Reason being is we don't know why treatment is not working for us, maybe it's egg quality, sperm quality or maybe a problem with me carrying as we have had two very slight bfps in the past. 

We had our initial meeting with cots on Tuesday and it's something we definately want to do it's just we're worried about the financial side if things. Wevknow we can probably save enough wirking about 15 months but at the moment we need a few months to clear up any existing bills. 

I really don't know what to do for the best re joining cots. We can afford to join now but what if we find a surrogate straight away (we're looking at host surrogacy at the moment) and cant afford to go ahead. But if we wait for 4-5 months before joining what if it takes us ages to find a surrogate, we would have wasted 4-5 months by not signing up straight away. DH isn't the sort to take out extra money on our mortgage especially as his job is not very secure. 

I just don't know what to do for the best. There's no answer as to how long we would be waiting. The lady told us we could meet someone within weeks but it could also take years. 

Another thing I'm worried about is a surrogate smoking whilst pg. I know you can opt for a non smoker but we were told the majority of surrogates do smoke. I'm just worried because we're constantly told smoking affects fertility. And we're limited on what we have left in the freezer we just dont want to ruin any chances we have left. 

Anyways any advice would really be appreciated. 

Paula x


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## nostalgicsam (Jul 1, 2005)

Hello,

the costs can be difficult for a lot of IP's who need a surrogate, and a lot of people do borrow the money but if you don't want to then maybe you shoudl wait a while prior to joining COTS ....  We waited 2yrs to meet our surrogate but some people do meet someone quickly and if the surro wanted to start asap and you didn't want to have to say that you're not in a position to start yet then this could cause problems too... It is difficult to know what to suggest if you really don't want to borrow and need time to save, you could join and just spend months getting to know others and learn more and save money, I don't know about COTS but on the whole for I'd day over 70% of couples looking for a surro it does take longer than weeks, as you not only have to meet someone, but meet the right person and feel you have a good friendship.

As for the smoking; you can stipulate in your agreement that a surro does not smoke when pregnant, if the surro won't agree to this then I personally wouldn't want to go ahead, it's all about choice and as IP's you do have choices as much as surrogates do


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## nevergiveup1 (Mar 23, 2008)

Lots of luck specy on whatever you decide. My surrogate never smoked in her life. I wouldnt choose someone who smoked. But also someone may just say they are a non smoker as I would think no one would chose a smoker as a surrogate.

Lots of best wishes on your journey.


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