# new to site, struggling with secondary infertility ~



## emilyemily (Jan 24, 2008)

Hi all,
Thought I would join this site as I am struggling to conceive.We have been trying for nearly three years now and last march I became pregnant and couldn't believe it!Sadly though I miscarried and this has left me very depressed.It is my second miscarriage and I feel like my family haven't really been supportive. Their attitude is well you just have to keep trying but they don't understand how hard it is to carry on month after disappointing month.
I have a daughter who is nearly five and is lovely.She keeps asking me for a brother or sister and this breaks my heart as I would dearly love to give her one but sadly can't.I am almost 37 and fear I have left it too late.Is there anyone out there who is also suffering from secondary infertility?
I would like to try taking clomid but my partner is agaisnt it because of the increased risk of multiple birth.I feel tempted to take it secretly but am worried in case he finds out.All my friends have gone on to have their second and sometimes third babies and I find this really hard to cope with.Also at school most people have more than one and I feel like a freaky failure.I feel guilty moaning because at least I have my daughter but it is still heart breaking to think that she may end up being an only.


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## ♡ C ♡ (Dec 7, 2005)

emilyemily  sorry to hear about the rough time you are going thru TTC a brother or sister for your daughter.
I just want to welcome you to FF and say it is a wonderfull place I am sure you will find many more people in the same kind of situation as you.


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## emsy25 (Mar 18, 2005)

Hi,

Just wanted to say hello and welcome.

Emma
x x x x


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## ♥samonthemoon♥ (Apr 2, 2007)

Hi there emiily 

WELCOME TO FF, Sorry to hea about ur struggle  You should check out the secondary infertility board as there are lot's of fab girls who i'm sure u will relate to and will be of fab support to u at this trying time   Click the link to the thread below

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?board=44.0

Good luck sweetie

Sam xxx


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

& Welcome to FF  emilyemily   
Sorry to read about your m/c's
I think most women have to have 3 m/c before they are refered for tests, not sure if youve spoke to your GP ?
Clomid is a prescibed fertility drug, and so you cant take it secretly!
I understand how hard it must be as a Mum to want another child, as from what I read on here I know the longing dosnt go away just because youve got one already, 
but as an Only child myself its not always a bad thing 

I am going to leave you some direct links to boards here on FF - that you may or may not have found, I encourage you to post in these areas to build friendships and support from members who really do have an understanding of your situation,

G&B - Community Fun board
CLICK HERE

Investigations & Immunology
CLICK HERE

Pregnancy loss 
CLICK HERE

Forget me not ~
A place for our members to remember their loved but lost babies. 
CLICK HERE

To make the site easier to navigate click on the index tab at the top of any page - pink hearts mean there is something new within the board you have not read/looked at and if you scroll right down you will see the last ten posts from all over FF all are clickable  if you refresh this page (f5) it will update the last ten posts as well as the boards/threads and who's online!!!
take some time to look at the *help tab* too 

Check out the *Locations boards* for where you live & a site search for your *clinic* 

Wishing you Friendship  &


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## dakota (Feb 6, 2007)

Hiya hun,

Welcome to Fertility Friends, this site is fantastic for support, information and friendship 

Huggles
Nikki


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## *katie* (Nov 9, 2004)

Hi Emily,

Just wanted to say  and welcome to you.

So sorry to hear of your miscarriages  and of course your struggle to conceive now.

Dizzi has posted you some great links, and I'm sure you'll find some great support and friendship here.

Katie


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## Caz (Jul 21, 2002)

Hello Emilyemily, welcome to Fertility Friends. 

Firstly, you are not a freak or a failure at all.  I know it sometimes feels like that when you struggle to do the one thing you are biologically designed to do. It must be even more frustrating when you already have one beautiful little girl and know it can be done but don't know why it keps failing this time.  I am sorry your family are not very understanding - sadsly, this is often the case with those who have never been through this pain.

Correct me if I am wrong but it sounds to me like you have not yet been through any medical processes to diagnose why you are struggling to conceive. If not then very first thing you must do is go see your GP and INSIST on tests or referral to a fertility specialist. You may not be able to have tests on why you miscarried (especially if they are not subsequent ones - you do not say whether your first was before or after you had your daughter but this might be significant) but you can have tests on why you are not conceiving and, at your age, you are right to assume you can't really afford to wait around too long - althoguh, I hope nearly 37 ins't all that old as I'm 37 myslef at the end of this year! .
If necessary, your GP or consultant can then prescribe you clomid under controlled circumstances. Should that decision be made, then you can be sure that the risks of causing multiples will have been carefully considered and kept to a minimum where possible - please, whatever you do, do not just take it without medical supervision as it can have some fairly serious side effects).

Wishing you lots of luck. Hope yo hear from you again soon.

C~x


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## Loubie101 (Aug 20, 2005)

Hi, just wanted to say hello and welocme to FF   I too was diagnosed with secondary infertility, I had a daughter and son from a previous relationship but desperately wanted a baby with my new husband.  After 2 years of trying and 7 months on Clomid I finally got pg with our gorgeous little boy.  I was 38 at the time too (I was almost 39 when he was born) so don't give up hope!!

Good luck xx


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## emilyemily (Jan 24, 2008)

Hello
Thank you so much for all your friendly and kind replies.It is really helpful to know that there are people out there who understand the pain of secondary infertility.I feel really isolated with it and have given up trying to talk about it with family and friends because of the hurtful replies I get.Even my partner is unsympathetic.His feelings are well if it happens it happens and if not so be it.He is dead agaisnt me taking clomid because of the increased likelihood of having twins.But I have been trying for so long that I feel I need medical intervention now before it is too late.I am nearly 37.I wonder whether he is holding me back because he is quite happy to stick at one because he found the whole baby experience utterly exhausting and so did I but I am willing to go through it again because I love it when they reach toddler age and onwards.
Does anyone know of people who have had twins or more after taking clomid?We don't have family near us and so I am not sure if our relationship would survive having twins. I know that if it were to happen we would have to find the strength from somewhere.Just the thought of twins is scary though.
I have had tests at hospital and so has my partner and no problems were found.So I have unexplained infertility.I think it might be psychological, as well as due to exhaustion running around after my little girl but it is easier now she is at school.My partner suffers alot from stress at work and I am wondering if this is affecting the quality of his sperm.Also his anxiety makes me feel tense and so on it goes.
Anyway thanks for listening.It was kind of you all  to take time to reply Emilyx


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## Fluffs (Aug 31, 2004)

Emilyemily

Welcome to FF    and big hugs     to you, I know how it feels to want a second child too    I am considering going to my GP to ask about clomid too so you are not alone in your desire to 'do something'.  Why not join us on the 'hoping for another miracle' thread as well as the already mentioned ones.  Best of luck hun      

Fluffs xxx


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## Strawberries (Apr 6, 2005)

Hi Emilyemily,

Just wanted to say hello and  to fertility friends 

So sorry about your miscarriages  

Strawberries x


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## Loubie101 (Aug 20, 2005)

emilyemily said:


> Does anyone know of people who have had twins or more after taking clomid?We don't have family near us and so I am not sure if our relationship would survive having twins. I know that if it were to happen we would have to find the strength from somewhere.Just the thought of twins is scary though.


Hi again, in answer to your question, yes there is an increased risk of having multiple births on clomid but the chances are still quite low really - having said that I know of a girl who had triplets LOL. If you have a look at the Clomid success board on here it will give you an indication of how many of us had single births compared to twins...in fact I've just had a look and there are no twins!!

http://www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=40064.0;topicseen

I hope that puts your mind at rest a bit more xx


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## Kamac80 (Nov 24, 2005)

Hi and welcome to the site 

You have come to a fantastic place full of advice and support and i wish you loads of luck with everything.

Kate xx​


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## bubblicous (Jan 14, 2008)

hi emily emily


i too have secondary infertility and like u my youngest keeps asking if she can be a big sister (shes 4) its heartbreaking as they are so innocent and dont understand and whilst we put on a brave face and say well we will need to wait and see if the stork brings us one it breaks our hearts inside


on here i have found on here very good

im just about to start clomid and the dr did say to me and my dh about the risks of twins or more 
and we both decided we were willing to take the risk but i understand your husband not wanting to take it as its stressful on you your daughter and him 

but then again the chances are slim so i think i would just speak to the dr and see what they say as at the end of the day clomid isnt a guarentee of a pregnancy let alone a double one 

i wish you all the luck in the world i have to say im like u and i prob would do it too without him knowing but its something u need to thnk about hard before you do it

if you want to message me feel free as its always good to talk to another who is goiing through the same 

lots of hugs bubblicous


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## DizziSquirrel (Feb 15, 2005)

> I have had tests at hospital and so has my partner and no problems were found.So I have unexplained infertility.I think it might be psychological, as well as due to exhaustion running around after my little girl but it is easier now she is at school.My partner suffers alot from stress at work and I am wondering if this is affecting the quality of his sperm.Also his anxiety makes me feel tense and so on it goes.
> Anyway thanks for listening.It was kind of you all to take time to reply Emilyx


 someone will always reply hun, this website is set up so no matter what your circumstances someone will be able to offer advice or a comforting word,

Stress does affect sperm, and there are other things you can do to conteract this like diet, vitamins cut alchol/smoking
It seems you need to have a proper conversation with him and explain calmly your desire for another chils, and why you think it will be better this time, prehaps find some positive stories to share, but you will also need to listen to his reasons to, see if you can comprimise, 
heres 3 helpfull points to maybe help your relationship, when youve made some more posts the board will become avalible to you if you wish to read the rest, or post asking for advice.


> 6. Relax about BMS
> It's very common for women particularly to become obsessive about when to have sex, to diligently do OPK's and to then start sprinting round the house demanding sex because the little stick says it's a good idea! Men find this extremely stressful and find this functional approach to sex rather off putting. So long as you are having sex 2-3 times per week you stand a good enough chance of getting pregnant if you are going to naturally. If you must do an OPK then try to do this discreetly and then embark seducing your dh on the right day leaving him oblivious and just enjoying being attractive to his partner - this will take the pressure off him and leave him feeling loved and attractive!
> 
> 9. Have an "exit" strategy
> ...


~Dizzi~


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## babeno2 (Feb 1, 2008)

Hello Emily
I can totally relate to what you have said, Im 31 and have a 9 year old daughter and weve tried for another child since she was born!! I had her without any fertility problems whatsoever. I have pcos and im also more overweight now than i was when conceiving the first time. been on clomid without any luck and gonal-f injections. Saw consultant in November and he thinks we should try IVF next but I have to lose 4 stone first ! Trying but its hard. Hope to get weight off and get back to see him pretty soon. 
I know exactly what you mean about your child needing a brother or sister. My daughter is so lonely and longs for a sibling. She asks me every day why im not going to have one and its heartbreaking. I watch her looking at other people when we are out who have brothers or sisters and i know exactly what she is thinking. I dont want her to grow up on her own - she should have what other kids have. I really do understand and wish you all the luck in the world.
Lisa


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## cinders35 (Feb 23, 2007)

Hi Emily,
Totally know where you are coming from. 
It's failing to produce a sibling for dd that hits me the hardest! After all I have her, and I am so very lucky, and so very grateful. But why should she miss out because of me?!
Seem familiar?!  
You really need to pop over to the secondary board, there are unfortunately LOADS of us in your boat!!!
You will be most welcome and at home over there, go and have a read, and post if you fancy  
Love and luck to you,
Cindersxxx


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## emilyemily (Jan 24, 2008)

Feeling really low today.My period is due tomorrow and I tried very hard not to do a pregnancy test this month because the disappointment of a negative result is awful,but this morning I could resist no longer!I feel angry with myself because it was once again negative.I should have saved my money and waited.
Yesterday went to the park and everyone seemed to have two or more children.I find wherever I go I am confronted with this fact and it is very painful.I feel like people are looking down on me for having only one.I know I should be grateful for having a daughter and I am very blessed but still I long for another.
I am going to see the doctor tomorrow to ask about clomid and maybe even prozac.I am so stressed with ttc that it is having a negative effect on my relationship with my partner.Is it safe to conceive whilst on prozac?Perhaps I am no longer in a fit state to have another child because I feel so depressed.I wish I knew what was wrong with me.
I am finding this site a bit difficult to get the hang of and feel overwelmed.But thank you for your replies they are all helpful and I wish everyone the best of luck.
I am going to spend some time exploring the site now.It is a great place to vist and I am very thankful for that xx


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## bubblicous (Jan 14, 2008)

oh emily hunni have a ^CUDDLE^

i dont think it would be safe to ttc on prozac but there are other anti d that u can be given that are more safe whilst ttc

reason i know is that i was on anti d for a while but came off them in september

fingers crossed your gp helps u xx


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