# New and struggling a bit after second failed treatment :-(



## Leafy13 (Jun 23, 2013)

Hi there everyone,

Have been reading posts for ages, and finally got the guts to post myself








Just found out yesterday that it looks like I have a chemical pregnancy after our second fresh cycle, and two fet's between them both. Feel pretty spent now and have puffy eyes from crying so much. My hubby and I have unexplained infertility, but were incredibly lucky in 2011 to have our beautiful daughter from our first cycle of ivf, so holding on to the fact it has worked once and hopefully can work again. Has anyone else here got one child, and trying for a sibling, but finding it harder than before? I'm really struggling now and feel completely confused and alone, even though my Dh is wonderfully supportive.
Ok, sending out positive vibes to all others who are going through these tough times


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## frizzbomb (Jun 28, 2013)

So sorry to hear what you are going through.  No matter how hard you try not to get your hopes up when it's early days it just can't be helped when you want it so badly.  Chemical pregnancy is like mother nature's cruel joke, especially after all you have been through already.  My heart goes out to you.  Try to keep strong and believe it will all work out in the end xxx


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## Leafy13 (Jun 23, 2013)

Hello frizzbomb, and thank you for replying    Just knowing someone out there understands makes me feel a bit better.  I am not going to give up hope, although right now hope is a killer.  I'll just get through this loss and try to recharge a bit, then feel my way to the next step.  Just feels so weird that we managed first time with one ivf treatment and had our daughter, then two failed treatments including a chemical pregnancy.  I just have no answers, but it feels so unfair and tragic.  And I wish I could just get rid of this yearning for another little one.  So badly!  Thanks so much to you for reaching out   it does help.

Take care and I hope you are ok if you are also going through treatment


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## Imclucky (Aug 12, 2012)

Hello leafy, I'm like you in many ways. I have a daughter & have had 2 rounds of ICSI. The first I had a chem pregnancy but the 2nd wasn't to be from the off, the eggs didn't get to blast stage so I knew after transfer it was a no. I've always been quite fertile but had an underlying health issue that put an end to the pregnancies but now being a tad older am finding it difficult to stay pregnant. I've always been positive because I believe that it won't happen if you don't believe it. I'm on my last go now & I'm terrified I won't be a mum again but we'll cross that bridge if we come to it. It's just the case of baby staying there. I'm sure you'll get there & good luck  fingers crossed Hun x


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## Betty-Boo (Oct 14, 2007)

and welcome to Fertility Friends   

FF is a lifeline for everyone and anyone, seeking support, information and lasting friendship whilst going through fertility issues. FF members are fantastic listeners when when family, friends, doctors and sometimes even partners just don't "get" what you're going through and feeling.

I've included some forum boards that may help answer some of your questions   
Have a look round the site and if you get a little stuck with the navigation side of things - please ask and we'll do our best to guide you.

*Hoping for another miracle ~ *Click Here

*What Every New Member Needs To Know (includes a list of common abbreviations) ~ *   CLICK HERE

* Negative Cycle Follow up Questions ~ *CLICK HERE

*IVF General ~ *CLICK HERE

You can also "meet" and chat with people in your local area through the *Location boards*. CLICK HERE

FF's chat room is a fabulous place to 'meet' and chat with others. Our newbie chat is every Wednesday. A great chance to meet other new members and find out a little more about how the site works: 
*Newbie chat ~ *Click Here

All the best - our paths may cross again in other areas of the site.

Good luck,

  

Tis xx


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## Leafy13 (Jun 23, 2013)

Dear Imclucky,

Thank you for your words - chemical pregnancies are so sad, because you feel so far away from the goal, and so close at the same time.  I read somewhere that they are in fact more common than people think - one in four pregnancies ends this way, most before they are ever known about.  I'm so sorry you are also struggling with treatment, but what you say is right about believing, and I have read so many other ladies' stories here who have had more than four treetments and have got pregnant, happily completing their family.  You are younger than me - I will be 36 in September, and my Dh, and others keep reminding me that I am by no means old.  So, hold onto that, and also, hold onto the fact that the chemical pregnancy means it has actually worked - we did get implantation which is a good sign.  The embies just didn't want to hang on for other reasons, but they initially took.  I have my second hcg test today and just doing it to speak to the doc when he gives me my results.  I had the bfp lines on several different tests at the weekend and now nothing so have already lost it and know it - the symptoms too, have gone.  He told me on Monday that my levels were extremely low (35) and that it was unlikely.  I have never drifted through life in a more surreal way, trying so hard to be a good mum to my toddler, and struggling inside so much.
I'm sending you good vibes, and hope your next treatment is ok - when will you begin?  All big   And hoping for the very best   xx


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## Imclucky (Aug 12, 2012)

I start injections middle of next week hopefully, we decided because of the emotinal strain this will be the last time & it's the last time I can donate. The only reason we're doing this one is because I found out the recipient was successful & is doing well. I suppose that was the hardest thing for me because now I know my eggs work but on the other hand it could be my body not working how it should. I understand anyone who experiences a chem pregnancy & how difficult it is to move forward. My daughter is much older than yours (1 so she is fully aware of what is going on. She's very supportive, I'm very lucky because she's completely amazing. I'm sure you'll get what you want  x


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## Leafy13 (Jun 23, 2013)

That's a massive decision to make, but it is so stressful a thing (and financially draining - I saw you are paying for it all yourself) that it is completely understandable!  It's amazing that you have donated your eggs, and totally heartening to know someone has been successful with them, which means that yours should work fine in your body.  I guess you must hold onto that and have the poa which we all have to have (although its unbelievably difficult especially when there are no decent explanations!  (Just spoke with my doc who said nature was against us with this chemical pregnancy.  Aaaaaagh!  Soooo frustrating!)
How lovely to have your daughter with you through all this - she sounds brill and its great you have her support too.  Totally sending you good vibes for next week - god knows it is hard and painful, and I hope so much you get the results you want.  I'm here if you need to vent or whatever.  And, while I wait for my next sad AF to come, taking a holiday from treatment for a month or two, and just enjoying summer (hope the sun doooeees come out  ) and some red wine and trying to feel strong again with my DH and DD  . Thank you for your supportive words again  . At least I haven't   today  . Xx


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## Imclucky (Aug 12, 2012)

Leafy, sorry I haven't been here for a few days, it's a comfort that your there, I'll update you when it all starts again, probably be best if I message you as I can recieve messages on my phone. Starting to get nervous & excited about the the chance of being lucky to get pregnant lol, anyways speak soon  I hope you get lucky too, it's so frustrating!!!


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## Onegoodembryo (Apr 16, 2013)

Hi Leafy 

I saw your posts and thought I would say hello.  I have been through a similar experience although am not lucky enough to have a child yet but otherwise have had two failed treatments, one with a chemical pregnancy and one with an early miscarriage.  It's really tough but I suppose IVF is just a numbers game and you must have been really lucky with your daughter but if you keep trying you'll mostly likely get there in the end.  Well done on not crying....it took me significantly longer than that to dry my tears! Good luck with any future treatments.  You definitely aren't going through this alone. Oge x


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## pebblegirl (Aug 1, 2012)

Hi Leafy

I am new here too and just finding my way around the site - so many posts everywhere!!  I am in a very similar situation to you.  I have a beautiful 2 year old from our first IVF cycle and have recently failed with 3 FE from that cycle.  We transferred one which failed in Feb and then 2 months ago the other 2 failed to thaw.    We are just about to start a fresh IVF cycle at the end of this month.  I too have just had a holiday to reset myself a bit!

I agree, that this is harder than first time around.  I know how lucky I am to have a child and I honestly think it every day and am probably reminded of it whenever I get upset about the failed attempts.  I think with the first IVF I was naïve, had no expectations of success just took it in my stride.  I think I now feel under so much more pressure.  I want a sibling for my daughter and I desperately want to have another child myself (as does my DH).  I feel so guilty spending all this money when I could be spending it on my existing girl not to mention the emotional strain I desperately try to hide from her.  

Fingers crossed we are both lucky next time around.    

Pebblegirl xx


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## Leafy13 (Jun 23, 2013)

Dear Pebblegirl,

It's so comforting to read you, to know someone out there is going through the same.  And I'm sorry not to have replied before - I have taken a good couple of weeks out, trying to sleep properly and enjoy a glass of wine, see fiends, and stop time a bit.  With ivf I feel like a mouse in a ball, racing to the the next thing and never enjoying the moment!  Anyway, I have not checked back to messages until today   I imagine this finds you ready to begin your next treatment - How are you feeling about it all?  I hope you are feeling ok, and strong after a wee break - perhaps try to remember that you know it has worked and it can again.  Imclucky, another friendly person who has messaged me, as you can read, is right when she says it is a numbers game, and as draining mentally, physically, emotionally ...and financially...as it is I think she is right   I am sending you positive vibes to the max, and hopes so much you get what you wish for.  Give your little girl a big cuddle and don't worry about it if you cry or show a little crack now and then - she will look after you with a cuddle back.  I'm only saying that because I did cry in front of my little one and she was very sweet and it helped to have a cuddle and kiss from her   anyway, sending big   and strength to you. I'm still 'on holiday' gathering strength for my next fresh cycle, but will check back now more regularly and here if you need to chat.  Xx


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## Leafy13 (Jun 23, 2013)

Imclucky,  so sorry not to have replied before - I have been taking a break from this all while I get over the chemical pregnancy and not been checking messages. I just wanted to say that you sound totally in a good place to begin a cycle again.  Keep that feeling, and build on it - especially during the dreaded 2ww!  How are you doing?  Are you about to start treatment, or are you already in it.  Whichever way, I'm totally here and thinking of you and sending pos vibes.  So, big   and be in touch   I am   for you xx


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## Leafy13 (Jun 23, 2013)

Dear OGE, thank you for your lovely message and support - it's nice to read another fellow who has taken the time out to share their own story.  Yes, the tears...they have come big time actually, and my hubby and I have had a difficult few weeks, trying to pretend we are all fine and thinking positively.  It's such a head game isn't it?  I'm so sorry to hear about your two IVF treatments, and I think you are completely right, that it is a numbers game.  But it is so good also that you have had two embryos that have 'taken'.  It is dreadful to go through miscarriage and chemical pregnancy, not to mention ivf, but my doctor told me I should hold onto the fact that at least one embryo had implanted, and that is a good sign.  How are you doing?  When are you beginning your next cycle?  I am sending you massive   and   and hope so much you are doing ok.  Remember what you told me and hold onto it, I know I will   speak soon x


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## Leafy13 (Jun 23, 2013)

Imclucky, I think perhaps you are IN your treatment right now and I want to say huge   and     to the max.  Hope your daughter is making you lots of cups of tea and being a lovely delight to you to help you on your way.  Have a good day, and I'm here if you need x


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## pebblegirl (Aug 1, 2012)

Hi Leafy13

Thanks for your reply and don't worry about not replying sooner.  I think having a break between treatments is so important. It does tend to take over your life for a while and it is nice to sit back and enjoy the treats you miss while in a cycle.  I hope you are enjoying yourself and getting some 'you' time.  It will help so much when you enter your next treatment.  

I was supposed to start again this cycle but my husband became really ill recently and it put it all on hold.  He is very much on the mend but it has made me so thankful for what I already have and has really improved my outlook for the next cycle.  I am actually really grateful for the extra month's break.  I am typing with a glass of wine next to me!  

Give yourself the best break possible.  I really believe the better you are in yourself and the more refreshed and positive you can be will only help the next cycle.  

Keep in touch

Pebblegirl x


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## Leafy13 (Jun 23, 2013)

Hi Pebblegirl,

I woke up this morning and thought of you. I am sorry to hear your Dh has been ill, but sounds like to postpone was the right thing. Perhaps you are already beginning treatment again (?) and I just wanted to say good luck and I so hope it works out for you  
My Dh and I spent their last six weeks getting over the chemical pregnancy really, and just being together, no treatment, just us, and our little girl, and I felt better than I have in a long time. 
I will do another ivf treatment around October - he will be back from work then (he works away for six- week periods, although he comes back at weekends, then spends a couple of months at home) and we can go through it all together. It will be out third fresh cycle ivf try and I just hope we get lucky . 
Anyway, althought not typing with wine beside me, I do have a morning cup of tea  and I just wanted to wish you the very best wishes for a successful cycle, a positive time, and strength to get through. 
Over and out for now 
Leafy13



pebblegirl said:


> Hi Leafy13
> 
> Thanks for your reply and don't worry about not replying sooner. I think having a break between treatments is so important. It does tend to take over your life for a while and it is nice to sit back and enjoy the treats you miss while in a cycle. I hope you are enjoying yourself and getting some 'you' time. It will help so much when you enter your next treatment.
> 
> ...


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## pebblegirl (Aug 1, 2012)

Hi leafy

Great to hear from you.
Really pleased to hear you have had some time out relaxing with your dh.  I think that time is so important.  It will set you up well for the next attempt. My dh is on the mend but is due to have surgery next week. Thanks for asking. 

We will probably be starting a fresh cycle in October too so maybe see you then!


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## Leafy13 (Jun 23, 2013)

Dear Pebblegirl - yes, hope maybe see you in October.  And sending enormous good wishes for your dh's operation and a very straightforward healing.  
Onwards with Monday. X


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