# Adoption, where do I begin???



## xclairejanex (Sep 12, 2011)

I'm 41 and my DH is 42
After being told four yrs ago that we would never have a child naturally we tried to put it behind us and move on, but the yearning doesn't go away.

We have talked for hours and are both very eager to adopt.

Having started to research on the internet the amount of information is overwhelming and I really don't know where to begin.

Can someone start me off please.

What is the difference between using local authorities or voluntary agencies and how do you decide which is the best?

I don't want to look like I've already fallen at the first fence but I really don't want to get this wrong.

Any beginners advice would be great, thank you


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## sammij (Nov 9, 2005)

Hi Claire

in same boat as you!

i have no idea of the differnce between local authority & voluntary agencies - i do get confused about approaching lots of agencies - maybe a lovely person on here reading this could tell us!!

basically i approached our local authority  - was sent a pack, and we are attending the information session this evening.

have no idea what to expect & unlike fertility treatment when i was armed with every book / website going, i have decided to take what comes with this process - yes i think its going to be hard (have no doubt about that!) but 8 yrs of ttc - hello??!!

like fertility treatment -the process seems to be ''roughly'' the same but everyones experiances are of course very different.

I will let you know after the meeting tonight to tell you all about it.

x sam


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## xclairejanex (Sep 12, 2011)

Hi Sam

Thanks for replying. I don't want to go into this blind but also don't want to start on the wrong path.

Think I will do the same as you and contact my local authority as a starting point.

Good luck with the meeting and let me know how you get on.

Claire x


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## coweyes (Sep 4, 2008)

Why don't u have a look on the adoption thread on the home page. X x.


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## xclairejanex (Sep 12, 2011)

Thanks coweyes

I am now. I think I need to breath and calm down a bit. I'm panicing already.
I just feel a bit over whelmed with all the information and just don't want to get it wrong.

Stay calm is todays moto


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## Princess Monica (May 26, 2006)

Hi,

The Local authority remove the children from the birth families and therefore "have" the children.  They usually then like to place the children with their adopters that they have spent time and money assessing and approving.

A Voluntary Agency usually specialies in adoption and when a LA can not place children they may be placed with somone approved by a VA and then the LA will pay the VA for their services.

LA's may need to use a VA for many reasons, such as it is a sibling group, older child, child with special needs or simply because the child needs to be placed out of county for safety reasons.  Our VA has done a lot of work recently with our LA as our LA had no money or staff to run prep courses and assess adopters so had no adopters in house.

It is very much personal choice who you go with, i would ring around several LA's and VA's and go with your gut instinct as you have to work with whoever you choose for quite some time!

I hope this has helped, good luck in your journey.

Love Princess Monica x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi
Starting out can seem very daunting but its back to that great 'unknown'.
If you know anyone who has adopted locally to you it would be worth asking them who they went through and what their experiences of the agency was like.  If not then have a look at the BAAF website, there will be a list of agencies within your area, local authority and voluntary.
The difference between LAs and VAs is this, all the children go through LAs and therefore the younger, easier to place children tend to be placed with 'in-house' adopters unless there is a risk to the child remaining within county and then they will go out to a local consortium if they are part of one and/or voluntary agencies and/or Children Who Wait / Be My Parent.  The older children, larger sibling groups and children with more issues & disabilities tend to be placed through VAs and CWW/BMP.  This doesn't mean that you wouldn't find your 'perfect' family through them but they are less likely to place a single, young child with minimal issues and so if thats what you are hoping for then a LA is going to give you a better chance of that.
You also need to consider how you feel about a child and its birth family being from the same LA as you.  For example our DS came from 25 miles away, we have just been matched with our DD who is from 200 miles away and the freedom we feel as a result of that distance is amazing after having experienced the closer birth family.  
Its also worth finding out where most of the children come from within your LA, ie from the larger town/city and if you live in that area you are going to be limited to the amount of children available to you but if you live in a small village away from that town/city you will be in a more favourable location.
Phone round as many agencies as you can and get a feel for what they are looking for.  Some agencies may have their books closed to people wanting pre-schoolers, other may only be taking on people who will consider sibling groups.  Get their info, go to info evenings and find an agency you feel happiest with, you are going to be working very closely with them for a long time so the relationship needs to be right.
Good luck, it really is worth all the waiting and hurdle jumping.
OT x


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## xclairejanex (Sep 12, 2011)

Princess Monica and OT

Thank you SO much for your replies. They have really put my mind at rest and given me a good starting point.

OT - You say your DS came from 25 miles away and your DD 200 miles away. Did you have to use a different LA to be matched with your DD and how did you go about that, do they frown on your using a different LA?
We were looking at younger children / siblings, from 12 mnths to about 2/3 yrs.
I need to start ringing and asking questions and find out who can offer us what we are looking for.

Thank you again guys. Can't tell you how much that has helped me and spurred me on.

Claire x


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## Old Timer (Jan 23, 2005)

Hi Claire
DS was from our LA and we went with them again for a second child but as we wanted a girl, 0-18months, we knew we'd be in for a wait and may have to look out of county.  After 9 months of being approved and no children coming through our LA I decided we'd given them enough time and so I sent our pen picture out to every agency I could think of.  We had a lot of positive response and read a lot of cprs before finding our DD.
For us the distance is a huge thing this time because our LA gave out, by accident, our details to DS's birth family.  If we see them within our locaal area we have to phone police and SS and get away from them.  When this happened 2 years ago it was very worrying but we haven't had any problems so have been able to relax a bit.  SS did tell BPs that if they tried to find us the police would be involved and they would lose all contact.
Good luck with your phone calls.
OT x


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## xclairejanex (Sep 12, 2011)

Thanks OT

Thats something worth remembering. I thought you would be limited to your own LA so thats good to know.

Hope your DS and DD are doing well.

Claire xx


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## panorama (Feb 7, 2005)

Hi, welcome to adoption thread!


Just want to add that even if you go with an LA the chances of them matching you with a child in their area can sometimes be difficult due to proximity of the birth families so a lot of children are placed out of area. LA's are normally part of a consortium i.e. South east, south west etc. They will normally go send your details to the consortium after about 3-6 months of being approved if they can't find a suitable child within the LA. Therefore may be worth considering an LA slightly out of your area, you can apply to any within 50 miles. 


We went with an LA 45 mins drive away which worked well for us cos we could adopt their children easily. We were approved in Feb and had been matched with our son by April! And he was only 10 months when we met him which was amazing as we never thought we would get a child so young. if you approach an LA which is further away say you will be happy to share the travelling with the SW, that is what we did and it worked well for us! Good luck!!


BTW we also considered a VA but harder to find younger children with less problems so unless you really prefer to consider a sibling group or older children I would personally go with an LA, as long as you are happy once you meet them. 


Good luck, I know it is all so overwhelming in the beginning!!


panorama x


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## xclairejanex (Sep 12, 2011)

Hi Panorama

Thank you, that is really helpful.
Think I would be happier trying a little further away so start there.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply

Claire xx


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## thespouses (Jan 5, 2006)

I know a lot of people worry about being near a child's birth family but in many cases there is no risk - as a friend who has two adopted sons says, her second son's family didn't bother about him when he lived with them, and they didn't bother about him after he was adopted either. A lot of families that have children removed where they do not have the mental resources to care for them, can't organise themselves to get food, make sure their children are safe - so they also can't organise themselves sufficiently to try and find where the child is living now.


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