# In laws arranged photoshoot...help...



## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

So my in laws have arranged a family photo shoot with a nationwide franchise photographers. 

I called to them ask about their photo sharing policy an they said the own the photos but sharing they write to you first. 

I feel really uneasy about this, one it's a nationwide company so who knows where they could appear two if they seek written confirmation it wouldn't come to me as I didn't arrange it...

I never wanted to do the photos as don't get on with in laws so they'll see his as an excuse not to do it...

Opinions please!!!!


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## Handstitchedmum (Mar 24, 2013)

Perhaps you can do the photo shoot without the children? Surely a reasonable person will understand that you, as a parent, feel uncomfortable with the rights you are signing away to the company on behalf of your children. 

My mother, who is obsessed about personal rights and privacy, would absolutely refuse to sign up to those terms. There are plenty of photographers who can offer better terms to suit your family. 

But in most cases, there will be a risk of someone stealing and reproducing the image, regardless of the contract you sign.


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Handstiched mum this is exactly it...with it being sic a large company an nationwide how do I know somewhere down the line it's been used?! 

I've a photographer I've known years usually do our photos as he knows our situation but this wasn't booked by me it was booked by MIL x


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## becs40 (Apr 9, 2013)

Can you arrange a session with your friend instead and explain to MIL why? It seems perfectly reasonable reason not to proceed with the company she's booked.


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

I wouldn't do it.  I just couldn't feel comfortable if I were you I'd also say no also because this sets a boundary about who calls the shots / makes the decisions about your lo. If you back down over this you'll be expected to back down over everything xxx


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Mummy DIY so true about setting a presidence!! She's already crossed boundaries before with sharing his photo where it shouldnt!


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## keemjay (Jan 19, 2004)

I dont think it would be unreasonable to say 'theres too much risk attached to this particular company and can we use an independent photographer please?' surely she 'gets' the security issue with adoption  
kj x


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Keemjay you'd think eh....this will be a massive black mark against my name but I'm happy havin a black mark if it protects my son! 

Thank you all I appreciate it...it to me is just too risky, especially 4months into placement x


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## Sun Flower (Jul 14, 2008)

Hi
could you explain it to your in laws as a 'rule / regulation' from social services re: photographs, social media, data protection. you could say that SS will simply not allow it.

I agree, black mark against your name is nothing compared to the safety / confidentiality for your son 

you are right to be cautious and worried, hope they understand xx


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## AoC (Oct 28, 2008)

I'd definitely go with the "we'd love to, but SS won't allow it.... could put the placement at risk...." argument.  

Hugs on the difficulty, I totally get it!


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## star17 (Oct 31, 2012)

I think DH needs to have this conversation not you.  They are his parents and he needs to tell them what is best for your family (in his view) rather than it being just down to you.

This might be worded too strongly - touched a nerve with me - feeling indignant on your behalf!  This shouldn't be you versus them - or even an issue!


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## Mummy DIY Diva (Feb 18, 2012)

Agree one hundred percent star DH should do the talking they'll  take it beret and they're his parents so ultimately his responsibility to reign in. Good luck these things are so hard family politics are a nightmare xx


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Absolutely star his is his conversation to have and if it was my parents I would say we've made the choice so don't question further end of!! 

Let the dramas unfold!!


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

Photos is always a hard subject where adoption is concerned.  I completely agree with what the others have said.

My mum has been asking once we get the AO will she be able to put photos of LO on ******** - at the moment we don't even give her name out, she's called 'Munchkin' on there with no photo given.

I'm looking at clearing out my ******** friends and perhaps putting photos on but I don't think DW agrees, the ******** settings are a mystery to most people but I believe you can restrict posts to your friends only.

Photography wise we are having a similar issue, we put LO into a performing arts class with a national chain, they have already said that they can't be held responsible if other parents take photos and publish them on social media.  All we've asked is they (as the company) don't post pictures without our consent.  It seems they don't even warn otehr parents about asking for others' consent either!

Good luck, Paul x


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

Daddy paul 


You can restrict face book posts to selected friends only, but another way is set up a secret group which you select only the people you want to see the posts and photos. This is what I did for my little one.
Just go into create group then set it to a secret group, add the people you want to be able to see the posts.
You can then add whatever you want and these people will be the only ones who will see them.


Hope this helps xx


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## Arrows (Nov 9, 2008)

We did the secret ******** group and then once AO was through, I did a serious clearout and went from 260 odd 'friends' to 80 -30 of which are family. In fact I'm about to do another cull. All my photos and statuses are restricted though.


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## panorama (Feb 7, 2005)

I'm a photographer and I will normally seek consent from any parent whether to allow me to show photos on a website or other social media. However be warned, the copyright is always with the photographer so I do it out of common courtesy, not sure big outfits care!


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## Anjelissa (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi littlepoppy86,

There's already lots of great suggestions above, and I totally agree with others that it should be your DH's battle to fight, not yours . Hopefully this will show them that you are a united front on this point too .

Brilliant idea from AoC too, you could just say that you would get into trouble with SS. I know most of my family and friends don't know the in's and out's of how things work with regards to SS, so this would seem totally acceptable.
I know it may grate slightly as you shouldn't have to make excuses, after all YOU are the parents and you shouldn't have to explain yourself, but we all know in the 'real world' sometimes it's just easier to play clever where family politics are concerned  

Hopefully they'll surprise you and accept it graciously  

Anj x


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## littlepoppy86 (Feb 14, 2014)

Thank you all...

******** is a big fear! It's just a big risk we all as adoptive parents want to avoid...I like he ideaof a private group. I'd love to be able to share funny moment photos, has anyone used the app life cake? 

DH has told the mil so let's see if WW3 breaks out! 

Thank you all again  it's been such a relief to know I'm not alone & acting like crazy cotton wool mummy!


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## Daddyboo (Paul) (Dec 24, 2012)

My mum was just concerned that she was sharing photos of her new granddaughter (my brother has just had a baby) without also showing photos of her first granddaughter (our LO).  Obviously her friends are different to ours and so she would never be able to share our photos anyway.


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## Miny Moo (Jan 13, 2011)

We were very strict about ** to start with, no names no pictures, but over the years our older one has been with us we have relaxed a lot we do share with our friends now and we are happy for family and friends to post pictures, have been much more relaxed with our younger one, but then boh of ours are long distance placements, think if they had been placed  from within our surrounding areas we would think differently.


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## Macgyver (Oct 27, 2008)

We did relax after ao was granted, also bp haven't seen lo since he was 12 weeks old, and he has changed abit since then   


I still don't use his name but apart from that i am relaxed about posting pics.  I did also search for bp and siblings and blocked them all so I know they can't search for us. But they don't know our names anyway.


Glad dh has spoken to mil, keeping my fingers crossed she understands. Xxx


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