# Feeling like such a failure



## hazelnutty (Mar 30, 2012)

Thanks everyone


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## lily1980 (Feb 2, 2012)

Hazelnutty I didn't just want to read you post and not say anything. It brought a tear to my eye hearing you say you felt like a failure and this is all that you can think about - I can sympathise with that and when i'm feeling really down I feel like that too, but when I get myself built back up again mentally then I know I'm not and neither are you.  Sending you hugs  

I don't know a lot about PCOS but I know a family member had it and they have (after a lenghty time TTC) had a beautiful little girl.  She didn't always have the easiest of pregnancies but I don't think it was directly related to her PCOS.  Your husband will just be so worried about you and only want whats best for you and keeps you safe. I think its really reassuring that he is looking into all the pros and cons as sometimes men stick their head in the sand when it comes to fertility. 

I know you are feeling terrible right now but maybe tomorrow have a real think about the questions you want to ask the Dr so you can get as much info as possible to help you make the best decision as a couple.  I hope you get good answers at your appointment 
Lily xxxx


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## hazelnutty (Mar 30, 2012)

Lily, thanks so much for the reply.


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

hug for you hazelnutty!

i think it's cool that your DH is looking out for you, and that he's been finding things out, and doesn't want to lose you. 
have you thought about googling him some road traffic accident statistics and then advising him to stay indoors, because you love him and you don't want him to get hurt? 
many many things in life are dangerous, including having a little information. 
i have heard adoption takes ages and ages anyway. If he likes the idea why not humour him and think about that, and in the meantime see if he'll agree to giving pregnancy a shot anyway - don't make him think it is the be-all-and-end-all (even if it is) let him know that you will always put your own life first and that it's him that matters. The doctor might suggest any number of things, and you can always get a second opinion, and a third.. 

you don't sound like a failure, you sound like someone who is used to having DH being the laid back one and finds the change of dynamic strange. 
you can come in here for a rant/cry/hug anytime - you are not alone.


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## hazelnutty (Mar 30, 2012)

Thanks everyone


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## goldbunny (Mar 26, 2012)

i don't think it's a male/female thing, i think it is more to do with the relationships in a persons family. For me, i have done loads of family tree research, and i am on card-sending terms with many relatives: it's very important to me to have a biological child. For someone who was themselves adopted, or raised by a step-parent or other relative,  or who comes from a family they don't really know, or who has never looked at a family tree, well it probably makes less difference. Even then, i think it depends on the person.


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## Lyndsey30 (Mar 30, 2012)

Hi Hazlelnutty

I'm new to the group and have just read your post. I can sympathise with your situation, I too feel like my DH doesn't feel the same urges as me with regards to biological children. I know he does want children but for me it's a physical need and every month that I don't conceive, the ache gets worse. I'm not sure if it's a female thing or not?
With regards to your PCOS, I don't have any direct experience but my sister has it and is pregnant with her 3rd child. All of which she conceived naturally and has had normal pregnancies. It's understandable that your DH is worried but perhaps you should point out that no pregnancy is risk-free and yet most women experience little or no problems throughout.

With regards to Clomid, I was given it for 3x cycles and had no side effects to report and it did it's job in that it made me ovulate!

I hope you manage to come to a decision together.
Good luck!

Lynz x


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## victoriarose (Feb 18, 2012)

Sorry to hear that you are feeling low, but you certainly aren't a failure.  

In relation to Metformin, I spoke to our consultant at Queens Medical Centre last week and they say that there hasn't been enough research to suggest that Metformin helps with trying to get pregnant, but there isn't any harm in taking it.  So don't worry that you aren't able to take it.  

Clomid doesn't work for everyone but it is certainly worth giving it a try - some people with PCOS react very well with Clomid others don't.  However there are many other options in terms of medication if Clomid doesn't work - it is certainly worth giving it a go.

I have friends and family with PCSO who have successful births and there are so many women with PCSO that also have good pregnancies.

Just follow your heart in what you want to do that is best for both of you.

xx


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## lily1980 (Feb 2, 2012)

My DH is the same and it doesn't seem like he has the same need for a baby as I do - if I was pregnant he would be happy but he's also not that upset that I'm not and keeps saying lets just see what happens.  Goldbunny maybe you are right about the family relationships thing as I was brought up in a close family where his was quite fragmented so maybe that is part of it too.  

I also find with DH (and its a male trait in general) that he is a solutions person - the problem is he doesn't have a soloution to our situation so I think it makes him shy away from talking about it and getting over emotional.


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## hazelnutty (Mar 30, 2012)

Thanks so much everyone for your kind replies. I was a having a really low day. Feeling back to myself now. Had a really good chat with DH and actually kind of feel bad for getting so upset. I know that all he wants to do is protect me and Ijust had one of those moments of madness where I felt everyone was against me trying to get pregnant. He's open to hearing what the consultant has to say and then we'll make our decision based on that. I forget sometimes, how hard this all is on him as well. It's easy to get wrapped up in myself because "I'm the woman and I should be able to do this". Time for me to start being more considerate of DH's feelings I think. What a rollercoaster this ride is


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